3 1822022443543
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNtVENSI.YOF 
 
 CALIFORNIA 
 DIEGO
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SAN DIEGO 
 
 _, 3 1822022443543
 
 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN 
 LETTERS
 
 GAIL HAMILTON. 1866.
 
 GAIL HAMILTON S 
 LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 EDITED BY 
 
 H. AUGUSTA DODGE 
 
 VOLUME I. 
 
 BOSTON 
 LEE AND SHEPARD 
 
 MCMI 
 
 F" O; 
 
 Dd
 
 Copyright, 1901, 
 BY H. AUGUSTA DODGE. 
 
 All rights reserved. 
 
 GAIL HAMILTON S LITE IN LETTERS. 
 VOL. I.
 
 AMESBURY, Second day, May, 1865. 
 
 MY DEAR FD. : 
 
 I was a little blue this morning, but thy 
 letter was just the tonic I needed. If any 
 body is out of sorts and hypped I shall pre 
 scribe for him a course of thy letters. 
 
 And now, God bless thee ! 
 
 To MARY ABBY DODGE, 
 
 Hamilton, Mass.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 VOL. I 
 
 PAGE 
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH (Harriet Prescott Spofford) . ix 
 
 I. CHILDHOOD, 1833-1845 1 
 
 II. STUDENT DAYS, 1845-1850 11 
 
 III. TEACHING, 1850-1856 31 
 
 IV. BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP, 1856-1858 115 
 V. FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON, 1858-1859 173 
 
 VI. LITERARY PROGRESS, 1859-1860 . . . 241 
 
 VII. BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON, 1860-1868 . 283
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH 
 
 BY HARRIET PRESCOTT SPOFFORD 
 
 MARY A. DODGE came of a line of pure English 
 ancestry settled in one county of this country for 
 more than two hundred and sixty years, and the 
 qualities of this sturdy stock seemed to have intensified 
 and come to blossom in her. 
 
 She was a ruddy, curly haired little child, overflow 
 ing with vitality, singing, dancing, and full of the joy 
 of life, and of an astonishing intellectual energy. At 
 two years old she not only talked, but recited verses 
 from memory, and she knew then the obligation of a 
 promise ; at five she was studying an advanced geog 
 raphy ; at six, one of her brothers writing his school 
 composition, she also was writing hers. 
 
 The life of a country child is one calculated to give 
 a close intimacy with nature ; familiar with their 
 moods and changes, woods and fields and skies and 
 streams were her friends, and all her life long they 
 gave her the joy they did when, a little child, she first 
 looked up and realized the infinity of the depth of the 
 blue above her. The life fostered also a strong in 
 dividuality, a fresh and fine and delightful individual- 
 Copyright, 1896, by Harper & Bros, 
 ix
 
 x GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ity, whose original force was felt upon whatever 
 scene she entered. 
 
 To the family of a New England farmer in the days 
 of her childhood the Church was a central point, the 
 orthodox Congregational Church, which had much of 
 the authority still that it had in the days of the Puri 
 tans. The subjects of conversation were its articles 
 of faith, and the Bible was its literature. There was 
 much other good literature in her father s house, 
 but there was none that had the delight for her of this 
 book, with its high inspiration to her faith, its tender 
 promises to her heart, and its poetical splendor to her 
 imagination ; its language was her language, and she 
 could neither speak nor write without using it ; a rare 
 scholar on many lines, she valued her biblical scholar 
 ship more than any other. She became a member of 
 the church at an early age, and she continued in its 
 communion till her death, although she grew largely 
 liberal in her interpretation of its creed. 
 
 She was educated at the Ipswich Female Seminary, 
 a remarkable school, and she always maintained the 
 affection of her kinswoman, its great-hearted princi 
 pal, Mrs. Cowles. Upon her graduation she became 
 a teacher, at first at Ipswich and afterwards in 
 Hartford, and a very wonderful teacher, awakening 
 in her pupils powers they did not dream of and new 
 conceptions of life and things, and striking a vital 
 spark from the dryest facts of study. Early iii her 
 teachings she began to write for the press, short, 
 crisp, and sparkling articles, under a pseudonym ;
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH x i 
 
 part of this name was that of her native town, every 
 sod of which she loved, and she was already well 
 known by it when she was teaching in the family of 
 Dr. Bailey, the editor of the " National Era," a publi 
 cation with whose purposes she was in full sympathy. 
 Miss Dodge discontinued her teaching to go home 
 and remain with her mother, who had become an 
 invalid, whom she all but worshipped, and whose care 
 she shared with the sister who was her other self. 
 She was now an active contributor to the " Atlantic 
 Monthly " and other periodicals, and she collected her 
 essays into volumes, which had wide and good circu 
 lation, many pages of which were of unrivalled beauty, 
 as others were of frolicking humor and sound wisdom. 
 Her circumstances were easy, and she found a great 
 deal of pleasure in life with her work, her friends, 
 and her frequent visits in the houses of her publishers, 
 of Hawthorne, Mrs. Stowe, Mr. Whittier, Mr. Storrs, 
 and others. She was radiant with youth and health 
 and spirit and happiness, helping every one, making 
 the world glad about her, and herself the pride and 
 joy of a large and adoring family circle. Wherever 
 she came the wind and the sunshine seemed to come 
 in with her, so bright and breezy was her presence, 
 with a thought, an opinion, an epigram, for every 
 thing, and sparkling with sweet and wholesome wit, 
 fearlessly frank and tenderly kind. While her 
 stricture was unsparing, her praise was equally so. 
 Her spirit was something not to be daunted, and she 
 was intrepid in maintaining her cause and lighting for
 
 xii GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 faith or friend. But her magnanimity was as great 
 as her courage. She was generosity itself, giving her 
 personal care, her interest, her money in large sums, 
 herself. 
 
 In 1870 she began to spend her winters in Washing 
 ton. Warmly interested in affairs, acquainted both 
 with the intricacies of politics and the heights of 
 statesmanship, standing in awe of no one, with the 
 pleasantest and most gracious manner on occasion, 
 her humor, her keen insight, her quick aptitude, her 
 memory, her knowledge of human nature, her glow 
 and enthusiasm all had full play in Mrs. Elaine s 
 drawing-room, for Mr. Blaino was then the Speaker of 
 the House, and then and later his home was the centre 
 where not only the party chiefs, but every one of in 
 terest, either the foreign diplomat or the transient 
 traveller, was sure to be found. No more admired 
 woman of society ever lived in Washington. 
 
 She dressed her part well, too, in simplest garb 
 upon the street or in the galleries of Congress ; but 
 she was resplendent at home in her white silks, her 
 gown of silver brocade, her pale peach satin, or what 
 ever the occasion demanded. In summer she swung 
 in her hammock at home in Hamilton, and wandered 
 over her hills as if she had never known any other 
 life. Although not beautiful, she was yet attractive, 
 of about the medium height, and with a good figure, 
 her skin very fair and blooming, her mouth sweet, her 
 teeth fine, her forehead white, her nose well cut, her 
 bright brown hair curling naturally. She had great
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH x iii 
 
 beauty of expression, and her smile was enchanting. 
 Delightful as her conversation was, her letters were 
 equally so, and her presence in any house filled it with 
 the " inextinguishable laughter of the gods." She 
 was a discriminating critic of books and people and 
 measures ; she loved nature, poetry, children, and 
 beauty in every shape. She kindled brightness in 
 others, and you felt in her society that you were 
 listening to the most brilliant woman of her genera 
 tion. 
 
 In 1887-8 she visited Europe. She had already 
 seen a good deal of America Canada, California, 
 the South and West. She enjoyed every moment of 
 her trip, and of the coaching tour through England 
 and Scotland, looking at everything from the new 
 point of view of her own entirely original personality. 
 During all these years she was continually publishing 
 volumes of interest and keeping a large correspond 
 ence with men and women of note both here and 
 abroad. Her last considerable work was her " Wash 
 ington Bible Class," a book burning with a steady flame 
 of genius ; and she died just as she had completed her 
 book upon the life of Mr. Elaine, which she alone 
 could write as the subject demanded. 
 
 During the last three years she was also intensely 
 absorbed in unavailing efforts for the liberation of 
 Mrs. Maybrick from the prison to which she was sen 
 tenced for the commission of a crime for which, as 
 Miss Dodge contended, she was never tried. Inter 
 ested in everything, loved as few people have been
 
 xiv UAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 loved, and loving in return, appreciating the feeling 
 she excited, alive to her very fingers ends, she burned 
 the torch of her life without .sparing. She had gone 
 to Washington with the last chapter of her work, well 
 and happy, rejoicing in the beautiful spring of that 
 beautiful town. Without any warning she slipped 
 one morning to the floor, retained her intelligence 
 vividly for some days, and then gently sank into a 
 deep sleep, from which she woke to consciousness 
 only some weeks afterwards, when she had been re 
 moved to her own home. 
 
 Here, under the most tireless care, she regained a 
 great measure of her physical and all of her intel 
 lectual strength. She occupied herself with her work, 
 her friends, and neighbors, who idolized her, her char 
 ities, the new books and public events, and in writing, 
 and herself publishing a volume under the title of 
 " X-Rays," of interest to all those who search into the 
 mystery of a future life. 
 
 On the morning of the 16th of this month (August), 
 without premonition, she fell forward unconscious, 
 and remained so for a day and night, when her great 
 starlike spirit passed.
 
 CHILDHOOD 
 
 1833-1845
 
 CHILDHOOD 
 
 1833-1845 
 
 DURING convalescence, after the completion 
 of " X-Rays," it became the intention of " Gail 
 Hamilton" to prepare her autobiography, and 
 the following beginning was dictated at in 
 tervals in 1896 : 
 
 I died on the 10th of May, 1895. 1 It might be sup 
 posed that a life so private aud uneventful as mine 
 would not require or justify a biography. But when, 
 after seven weeks divorce of body and soul, a par 
 tial reunion was effected, I found the newspapers 
 festooned with obituary biographical sketches wholly 
 friendly and equally inaccurate. If my life is worth 
 putting wrong it is worth putting right, and I devote 
 the enforced leisure of this appendix to reminiscences. 
 
 My earliest recollections are of sitting on a braided 
 mat before the hearth on which a bright wood fire 
 was blazing and warming a porringer of milk. My 
 mother sat near me with feet outstretched, on which I 
 would at pleasure take a delightful ride. The close of 
 the programme was invariably to throw myself across 
 my father s knee, and order him "to rub my back." 
 I was a docile child in general, but in this one thing 
 
 1 See Sketch by Harriet Prescott Spofford at beginning of Volume I. 
 3
 
 4 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I was sovereign. I would not go to bed until his 
 hand more rough and hard than any other had 
 soothed my little back into tranquillity. My sister 
 always went with me, so that I had no sense of ban 
 ishment or solitude, and I have always a lurking pity 
 for children who must go to bed alone. I was a little 
 beast, enfolding but an invisible germ of humanity. 
 I did not love father or mother, only the comfort and 
 warmth which they administered. I had an attach 
 ment to them as the source and background of the 
 fire and the bright porringer. 
 
 There was no family government. The only pun 
 ishment I remember in a family of six children was 
 when I for three Sundays in succession endured some 
 light affliction for behaving ill in church. But there 
 was no logical connection between the penalty and the 
 sin. Our pew was in the gallery and was large and 
 nearly square, red cushioned and curtained, a 
 secluded and quiet room where play could be carried 
 on comfortably without disturbing any one. The 
 sound of my little finger-nails scratching down the 
 long breadths of my mother s black silk gown amused 
 me more than the preacher s voice. The rattle of 
 the brass rings on the iron rods as I drew the curtains 
 back and forth was my song of the sanctuary, but 
 when I sat down upon the floor of the pew and began 
 to take off my shoes and stockings, my mother hailed it 
 as the dawn of the reformation, but its real siinrisew&s 
 many years after, upon the occasion of a new pelisse 
 handed down from my sister, with a " bodice waist" 
 opening in front. So important an advance in dress 
 demanded a corresponding dignity of demeanor. I 
 was more than equal to the occasion. I not only sat 
 quietly through the service, but at its close turned to
 
 CHILDHOOD 5 
 
 my sister and asked, " Don t you think we have had 
 a short sermon ? " The reader will readily perceive 
 that T had jumped at one bound from childhood to 
 criticism. I was not only able to sit still through the 
 sermon, but I disdained to find any weariness in the 
 effort, and so called the sermon short. My sister 
 saw through the little subterfuge and did not hesitate 
 to communicate the fact to me. Her only answer 
 was to wrinkle up her nose in silent contempt, and 
 I knew that my little ruse had failed. Perhaps I then 
 first knew it was a ruse. 
 
 Parents and children formed one community, ate 
 at the same table, of the same food no hot or rich 
 or unwholesome food was denied us because we were 
 children. It was an event in natural history when I 
 heard that the minister s daughter was not allowed to 
 eat mince pie. I ate mince pie whenever it was on 
 the table. 
 
 A vase which was in the spare chamber, I had taken 
 for my own pleasure and, instead of replacing it, left 
 it on the floor where I was playing and where my 
 mother found it, and asked me if I had meddled with 
 it. It was such a vase as I suppose might have been 
 bought at the grocer s for fifty cents per pair, and it 
 was unharmed, but I had a blind perception that some 
 how the universal order had been disturbed, and the 
 quickest way to get into it seemed to be to deny that 
 I ever had been out. I promptly answered " No." 
 My mother must have known I was telling what is 
 called a lie, but she did not embarrass me with un 
 pleasant remarks, or pointed questions. I fought 
 rather shy of her, avoiding tete-a-tete for an hour or 
 two, but coming to no harm the entente cordiale was 
 soon restored and we remained the best of friends.
 
 8 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 awe I entered the school-room. The seats were filled 
 with children of various ages. One seat was occupied 
 by persons whom I thought men, though they were 
 mere striplings of sixteen or eighteen. My heart sunk 
 within me as I gazed around, for I felt that I was less 
 than the least. However, it was not many days be 
 fore I began to feel more at home. The teacher was a 
 kind, affectionate lady, very fond of children, and I 
 soon loved her. 
 
 At the breakfast table when we children were 
 discussing the advent of a new teacher and the 
 Ions; list of names six with which we should 
 
 o 
 
 burden his memory, the youngest spoke up : " I 
 shall say rny name is Mary Abby Dodge. I go 
 by the name of Abby my father frequently 
 calls me Polly," and the result proved her to 
 be as good as her word. 
 
 Her first winter term developed great popu 
 larity with teacher, pupils, and visitors. One 
 of the latter became so enamored by the profi 
 ciency of the bright little girl that he left a sum of 
 money with the teacher to be privately presented 
 her. Frequently during intermissions the older 
 pupils, " the striplings of sixteen or eighteen," 
 with whom she was a favorite, would persuade 
 her to repeat lessons from the Reader, and she 
 would recite page after page of prose, naturally 
 and fluently, which attracted the lesser lights, 
 until the group became a crowd of eager listen 
 ers, standing upon the seats and benches to see 
 as well as hear the young orator. She was
 
 CHILDHOOD 9 
 
 a pet of the school, as the many toys, medals, 
 and jack-knife curiosities in her possession testi 
 fied, and even to caring for her personal wants 
 the strong boy would take her hand to lead, - 
 and his handkerchief to smooth her hair when 
 the wind blew it awry. 
 
 At two years of age she could repeat the 
 whole of the Lord s Prayer, and before her 
 second birthday she promised to abandon a baby 
 habit when " two yea old," and was never 
 known, consciously, to "suck her fingers," 
 after that date. At five she was studying Olney s 
 Geography, and before her seventh year, at a 
 school exhibition for " speaking pieces," when 
 the school-room was festooned with evergreen, 
 decorated with pine boughs, and brilliantly 
 lighted, the youngest of the declaimers not only 
 " spoke in public on the stage," under an arch 
 of green, her one "piece " learned for the occa 
 sion, but aided and abetted by a fun-loving strip 
 ling, and encouraged by the teacher and an atten 
 tive audience, whose curiosity she had aroused, 
 she was induced to go out and repeat any chance 
 piece she had ever learned, until nineteen selec 
 tions had been recited, when her mother forbade 
 her again leaving her seat, the quiet thus en 
 forced, the little head soon rested on the desk 
 fast asleep ! 
 
 When a brother, seven years her senior, was 
 required to write a composition, she asked per 
 mission for the same privilege (?) and wrote,
 
 8 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 awe I entered the school-room. The seats were filled 
 with children of various ages. One seat was occupied 
 by persons whom I thought men, though they were 
 mere striplings of sixteen or eighteen. My heart sunk 
 within me as I gazed around, for I felt that I was less 
 than the least. However, it was not many days be 
 fore I began to feel more at home. The teacher was a 
 kind, affectionate lady, very fond of children, and I 
 soon loved her. 
 
 At the breakfast table \vhcn we children were 
 discussing the advent of a new teacher and the 
 long list of names six with which we should 
 burden his memory, the youngest spoke up : " / 
 shall s&y my name is Mary Abby Dodge. I go 
 by the name of Abby my father frequently 
 calls me Polly," and the result proved her to 
 be as good as her word. 
 
 Her first winter term developed great popu 
 larity with teacher, pupils, and visitors. One 
 of the latter became so enamored by the profi 
 ciency of the bright little girl that he left a sum of 
 money with the teacher to be privately presented 
 her. Frequently during intermissions the older 
 pupils, " the striplings of sixteen or eighteen," 
 with whom she was a favorite, would persuade 
 her to repeat lessons from the Reader, and she 
 would recite page after page of prose, naturally 
 and fluently, which attracted the lesser lights, 
 until the group became a crowd of eager listen 
 ers, standing upon the seats and benches to see 
 as well as hear the young orator. She was
 
 CHILDHOOD 9 
 
 a pet of the school, as the many toys, medals, 
 and jack-knife curiosities in her possession testi 
 fied, and even to caring for her personal wants 
 the strong boy would take her hand to lead, - 
 and his handkerchief to smooth her hair when 
 the wind blew it awry. 
 
 At two years of age she could repeat the 
 whole of the Lord s Prayer, and before her 
 second birthday she promised to abandon a baby 
 habit when "two yea old," and was never 
 known, consciously, to " suck her fingers," 
 after that date. At five she was studying Olney s 
 Geography, and before her seventh year, at a 
 school exhibition for " speaking pieces," when 
 the school-room was festooned with evergreen, 
 decorated with pine boughs, and brilliantly 
 lighted, the youngest of the declaimers not only 
 " spoke in public on the stage," under an arch 
 of green, her one "piece " learned for the occa 
 sion, but aided and abetted by a fun-loving strip 
 ling, and encouraged by the teacher and an atten 
 tive audience, whose curiosity she had aroused, 
 she was induced to go out and repeat any chance 
 piece she had ever learned, until nineteen selec 
 tions had been recited, when her mother forbade 
 her again leaving her seat, the quiet thus en 
 forced, the little head soon rested on the desk 
 fast asleep ! 
 
 "\Vhen a brother, seven years her senior, was 
 required to write a composition, she asked per 
 mission for the same privilege (?) and wrote,
 
 10 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 "The Character of a Good Scholar." Pretty 
 little rhymes about "The Rose," at nine; a 
 metrical conversation between " Industry and 
 Idleness," signed " Mary A. Dodge s Scribbles," 
 at ten ; Lines supposed to be written by a 
 Youth far away from the Home of his Child 
 hood," five stanzas of four lines each, at eleven ; 
 and ten verses on " Independence," when twelve 
 years old, are remarkable productions among 
 many very clever examples of her ready pen or 
 pencil. 
 
 When twelve years old she was sent to a 
 school in Cambridge, to be under the instruction 
 of Dr. Smith, that prince of teachers, born, not 
 manufactured at Normal School, and there 
 }\QY first letter was written in September, 1845.
 
 II 
 
 STUDENT DAYS 
 
 1845-1850 
 
 11
 
 n 
 
 STUDENT DAYS 
 
 1845-1850 
 
 MY DEAR SISTER: Here I am in Cambridgeport. 
 I had a delightful ride in the cars this forenoon, 
 though about the last part of it I had somewhat of a 
 headache, owing to the continued noise. We walked 
 directly from the cars to the ferryboat. I should not 
 think it was much of a boat, for it appeared to be very 
 large inside like a very large depot, and did not seem 
 to be moving. When we came out our ears were as 
 sailed by Will you have a cab ? " We got into one 
 all lined with red velvet, had a ride to somewhere, 
 I don t know where and then we got into an omnibus 
 and kept there until we arrived at Mrs. P s. But oh, 
 Boston, Boston, such a sight of people and houses I 
 never saw ! I intend to go to a party this afternoon 
 and A. is almost ready, so I must stop for the present. 
 
 Your sister ABBY. 
 
 Monday noon. Oh dear, the show is over. I have 
 been to school this forenoon, and got along very 
 well. They do not use any of the books I have 
 brought excepting the Testament. Mother s prophecy 
 has not yet come to pass. I have not been homesick. 
 I occupy a room in the attic. The walls are all 
 whitewashed and the floor painted blue and it gives it 
 an air of neatness and comfort. I must now stop 
 
 13
 
 14 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 again, and go to knitting, else I shall not get my stock 
 ing done this sometime. I have as many peaches and 
 grapes as I wish. I have plenty of books too. Good 
 bye. It is Monday night. This afternoon as I was 
 in the school the girl who sat near me mentioned to 
 Dr. S. that I lived in another district and ought not to 
 come there or something to that effect. And said he, 
 " If she lived in Halifax I should let her come. She 
 is one of my old scholars and knows me well." Does 
 she?" said the girl in a very humble tone. "Yes, 
 she does, and you ll find it out one of these days." 
 She was silent, but afterwards asked me several ques 
 tions about it and seemed quite surprised to think 
 /had been to school to him. I have been as it were 
 a dweller alone since eight o clock this morning till 
 
 o 
 
 this afternoon at recess, when two girls very kindly 
 invited me to walk with them which invitation I gladly 
 accepted and found them very pleasant and agreeable. 
 Good night. 
 
 Tuesday afternoon and I have felt very badly 
 nearly all day; I suppose I am homesick. I feel 
 very cross about it, for I like the place, I like my 
 home, I like the teacher and some of the scholars, 
 but I can t help it. I won t come home yet at any 
 rate. I suppose that you will laugh, but I don t care. 
 I guess you know from sad experience how I feel, 
 hoping to feel better tomorrow I will leave this till 
 then. 
 
 Wednesday. I do not feel much better to-day. 
 
 Friday. There is a girl that goes to my school 
 who says she has a grandfather and uncle in Hamilton. 
 
 Monday. It seems to me the past week has 
 been very long, though I have in general passed it 
 pleasantly. Saturday we did not proceed with the
 
 STUDENT DAYS 15 
 
 exercises of the school as usual, but the principal 
 thing we did was to read and spell. After they had 
 spelt in classes, we " spelt down " as the term is ; you 
 know what I mean, I presume. The first time a little 
 girl stood up the longest whose name I do not know. 
 The spelling book they use* I never saw, I believe, be 
 fore I came here, and of course the chances were very 
 unequal. I stood up longer than I expected, however. 
 After they were all down, the Dr. said we might try 
 it again ; we did and a little girl whose name I believe 
 is Mary A. Dodge stood up the longest. She was 
 somewhat of a stranger in the school, and I think it 
 was a pretty good "spoke in her wheel," as mother 
 might say. I want you to look round and find J. R. s 
 arithmetic, and a book entitled " Charlotte Temple," 
 and carry them down to Mrs. Rust s with my thanks, 
 tell them I had forgotten them. I suppose you think 
 I have not improved much in writing by being at a 
 boarding school. Mother told me to write plain, but 
 I fear I h:ivc not. It is not a fortnight since I came, 
 but as I can finish this letter now I think I will send 
 it. Love to all inquiring friends and sister. 
 Your affectionate sister, 
 
 ABBY D. 
 
 DESCRIPTION OF A CHURCH. 
 
 [Found in her own childish handwriting.] 
 
 The church in which I attend meeting is situated 
 in Austin street, facing the north. It is painted 
 white, and has a very tall steeple which is ornamented 
 with carved work. There are two stories of windows 
 in the belfry, and the lower story has blinds. When 
 you enter the door of the church, you find yourself in 
 a large entry extending along the whole length of the
 
 16 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 house. The body of the church contains about sixty 
 pews, in the form of slips, which will comfortably 
 seat six grown persons. The greater part of the 
 pews face the front of the pulpit, a few called the 
 wing pews face the sides. There are no seats in 
 the gallery excepting thos^ of the singers, and there 
 is a large organ there. The floor of the aisles is 
 carpeted, as are also some of the pews. The pulpit 
 is lined with red velvet. As I have attended meeting 
 here but a few Sabbaths, this description is now as 
 minute as I am able to give. 
 
 MARY A. DODGE. 
 
 The pastor was Rev. J. C. Lovejoy, brother 
 of the Alton martyr, and during her attendance 
 on his ministrations he gave her the "Life of 
 Elijah P. Lovejoy" as a prize for some Sunday 
 School attainment. 
 
 Many years later, Owen Lovejoy, M.C., be 
 came a much valued acquaintance and friend, 
 and their exchange of literary products was 
 highly instructive and entertaining. 
 
 HAMILTON, May, 1846. 
 
 MY DEAR SISTER : There is a great difference in the 
 weather now and when you went away. Then the 
 sun was sending his beams upon our heads, now his 
 face is veiled in clouds and prognosticates that it 
 will " wain pitsfoks !" Does that sound natural? 
 
 I had a good time in Danvers, was not homesick 
 can you say the same of Ipswich? We have one 
 gosling, and I don t know how many chickens. There 
 is no news stirring. I ve drained mv brain and can t
 
 STUDENT DAYS 17 
 
 get much more out. Be a good girl. Mother says, 
 ; Why don t you enlarge upon your visit to Dan- 
 vers? tell her where you went." So I will to please 
 her. I went to Harmony Grove, went to Salem, 
 
 went to , went to F. D s, went to B s, went to Mr. 
 
 C s, went to Mr. F s, went to Miss M s, went to Mrs. 
 A. B s, went to Mrs. G s, went to Mrs. DeM s 
 they are well ; went to "Aunt Very s " to get some 
 yeast, went to Mrs. B s to get some yeast, went to 
 Mrs. R s, went to Dr. C s, went to Mr. L s ; now you 
 know where I went. Anything else, mother? " No," 
 mother says, so I ll stop. Good Bye. 
 From I, 
 
 M. A. D. to H. A. D. 
 
 IPSWICH, June 18, 1847. 
 
 O DEAR MOTHER ! Upham, Algebra, and French, 
 French, Algebra, and Upham. What shall I do ? 
 Shall I study French or not ? I finished Botany to 
 day, and Mr. Cowles thinks I ought to go right into 
 French immediately. Mrs. Cowles says that I shall 
 get so that by next winter I can amuse myself at 
 home by reading French, and Mr. Cowles will lend 
 me some books. Do come and see me and talk to 
 Mrs. Cowles about it, for I m sure I don t know what 
 to do. So much for Frenchification. They have put 
 me into Mr. Cowles reading class, with the big girls. 
 One of the girls in the class I have just left was 
 speaking something about it, and Mrs. Cowles said 
 that when she was as good a reader as I was, she 
 should go into it too. Miss Dunning says I shall 
 make a beautiful writer. She says she don t need to 
 look at my writing, it always looks well. And she 
 says Oh ! I won t say any more ; it makes me feel
 
 18 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 silly. I shall want ray white dress pretty soon, I sup 
 pose. Do come and see me as soon as you can and 
 bring it, won t you ? 
 
 Here comes Fanny McKeen with, " How do you 
 spell different?" Adeline says, " Ask the poetess." 
 She says to me, "Tell your mother you go by the 
 name of poetess and are rightly named." They say 
 so for a silly reason indeed. Do come and see me as 
 soon as you can. Where is Uncle George ? I want 
 to see him before he goes away. I wonder what he 
 thinks of French? You know I told you I had to 
 read a composition the other day. Well, I had to 
 read another, and Mr. Cowles said he had no idea 
 that I could make that house ring as I did. There ! 
 I have filled this whole letter with my nonsense. Do 
 come to see me as soon as you can, and Uncle George. 
 When you come bring me anything yon think I should 
 like. I want you to come very much, and very soon. 
 
 Yours, etc., 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 AUGUST 4, 1847. 
 
 My vacation commenced two weeks ago. Eliza 
 and Margaret, two of our school-girls, spent the vaca 
 tion with me. We ate up nearly all the currants and 
 raspberries, but probably you will find some black 
 berries when you go home. They began to ripen 
 before I came awa} r . I saw Lydia, your " friend 
 Lydia," the night before I came here. She looked 
 more charming than ever. However, I hope you will 
 not let personal beauty outweigh mental accomplish 
 ments in your selection of a wife. I hope when you 
 come home you will by no means forget my French 
 Bible. I am studying Latin, German, French, Rhe-
 
 STUDENT DAYS 19 
 
 toric, and shall probably take Butler s Analogy. 
 When you come home I wish you would bring Cora- 
 stock s Natural Philosophy and Smellie s Philosophy 
 of Natural History, if you have them. 
 
 I came from Ipswich on Friday and found mother 
 at home. Father and Augusta started for Salem, 
 N.H., last Thursday morning. They arrived about 
 sunset the same day, had a very pleasant visit, and 
 reached home about nine o clock last night. 
 
 By and with the advice and consent of the " Family 
 Council " convened Thursday, this fourth day of 
 November, 1847, I do hereby snugly ensconce myself 
 in a large armchair with my writing-desk before me 
 with the laudable design of penning a few lines to a 
 far distant, but well remembered (must I say too well 
 remembered?) brother. Yes, would that I could for 
 get my last interview with you to efface from my 
 mind the impression that your appearance made upon 
 it. But it is impossible. The short blue frock, 
 the suspeuderless pantaloons, the green straw hat 
 knocked into an undefinable form, all combined, pre 
 sented an aspect which will never be forgotten by me. 
 Obstinate boy ! You do not deserve that I should 
 ever write you another letter, but if we were all 
 treated according to our deserts I ween there would 
 be little happiness in the world ; therefore hoping that 
 you will take a realizing sense of the importance of 
 the favor I am conferring, and also of your own 
 unworthiuess, I will conclude this long preamble. 
 
 Augusta and myself had the happiness of visiting 
 the city of Boston last Saturday, met Felt at the depot, 
 and Maria at the store, who had come to Boston in a 
 private carriage with her father and mother. We 
 visited the State House, and from thence we went to
 
 20 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 see Banvard s Panorama of the Mississippi River. I 
 shall not attempt to describe it, I ll just say that it 
 looks " as large as life and twice as natural." 
 
 Mother tells me that somebody took your umbrella 
 when you were last at home, and so you are minus 
 an umbrella, which is nowadays considered common 
 stock among the whole family of Grandpa Adam. 
 Father wants me to tell you that the guineas have 
 grown speckled, and that the corn is all cut, and 
 all but one load husked. We attended the Ordina 
 tion of the Rev. Mr. Taylor in Wenham a few days 
 ago. The meeting was without exception the most 
 interesting one I ever attended. What greatly con 
 tributed to its interest was the fact that he is the 
 youngest of four brothers, all of whom are ministers 
 and assisted in the exercises. 
 
 HAMILTON, January 4, 1848. 
 
 [Not yet 15.] 
 
 MR. JAMES AI.VIN DODGE : Mont worthy sire : As 
 there seems to be one goal which you are ever striv 
 ing to reach ; one focus, if I may so say, to which 
 all your mental and physical powers are attracted; 
 one jewel at the possession of which you are ever 
 aiming, allow me as a sister, to lend you my feeble 
 efforts to the possession thereof. Do you not know 
 what that jewel is ? Go then, read what the preacher 
 hath written " Who shall find a virtuous woman, 
 for her price is far above rubies?" Few, alas! how 
 few, truly appreciate the worth of woman, but of that 
 few, I flatter myself that my brother is one. From 
 what you have written, and what you have said, I do 
 believe that you think a good wife is one of the great 
 est blessings that can fall to the lot of erring man,
 
 STUDENT DAYS 21 
 
 and I scruple not to say that you are right. You 
 have arrived at that age when love is no longer a thing 
 to be jested and laughed at ; when the hallowed name 
 of "wife" is no longer to be considered as faintly 
 glimmering in the dim future ; it is now a matter of 
 solemn and serious consideration of mature and 
 deliberate reasoning, for truly they are both words of 
 weighty import. How many have with heedless un 
 concern launched out upon the untried sea of matri 
 mony, and have lived to see their fondest hopes 
 blighted, all hopes of happiness on earth destroyed, 
 and themselves the mere wrecks of what they once 
 were ! And how do I know that my brother shall 
 escape the rock upon which so many have been 
 wrecked ? He will not, unless by a careful use of the 
 means placed within his power, he secure to himself 
 a wife, not merely for the beauty of her countenance, 
 or the grace of her movements, for they are transient 
 and fading, but for solid virtue, the beauty of the 
 soul, and education and accomplishments, the graces 
 of the mind. Other beauties decay, but age tarnishes 
 not the lustre of the soul. Time with his inevitable 
 stroke cannot divest her of the beauties of her mind. 
 When the rose on her cheek has faded, and the light 
 of her eyes is dimmed, they will remain immortal, 
 unchangeable. Select not then, for your wife, one 
 who by her frivolous conduct, if not by her words, 
 says, " I d be a butterfly born in a bower." I have 
 no objection to a pretty face, if behind that pretty 
 face there is stored a competent share of knowledge. 
 But granting that your wife be a perfect gem, learned, 
 beautiful, virtuous, still you may be unhappy. By 
 indulging a cynical, fault-finding, peevish disposition, 
 you may embitter a whole life, and even cast an
 
 22 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 odium on that holy institution, founded in the earliest 
 ages of the world. It is not always, it is not often, 
 that the disturbances of domestic life are owing to 
 
 D 
 
 women. 
 
 A fruitful source of domestic discord is the omission 
 of many little endearments after marriage, which 
 before seemed to spring up almost spontaneously. 
 How often is it that the lady who is in the lover s 
 eyes a perfect paragon of beauty and excellence, is in 
 the husband s eyes the least of all. She is the last 
 he thinks of pleasing. Let it not be so with you. I 
 was reading but yesterday some "advice to a married 
 couple," in which the writer spoke of woman s sphere 
 as being one of perfect calmness and tranquillity. 
 But he showed his utter ignorance of woman s duties. 
 A woman has her peculiar trials and troubles, and 
 though they may not be so important as those of men, 
 yet they are quite as trying to the temper and should 
 not be treated with disdain. You may give your wife 
 an elegant house and luxurious appr.rel, and every 
 thing which money can procure, and yet if you with 
 hold from her true warm-hearted sympathy, they will 
 all be of little worth. Let your wife hold as high 
 and, if possible, a higher rank in your estimation 
 after marriage as before. Let her happiness be the 
 ultimate end of your labour and your pains. Let 
 her be sure of holding the first place in your heart, 
 and, I doubt not, you will meet with a corresponding 
 return of affection, and as " home is when 1 the heart 
 is," your house will be your home, and when weary 
 of the troubles and turmoils of the day, you will 
 return to your home, and there in the bosom of your 
 family, with a wife who will be the delight of your 
 eyes, though the clouds of adversity should lower
 
 STUDENT DAYS 23 
 
 around, you will find a safe refuge from " the peltings 
 of the pitiless storm." And now, hoping that you 
 may not be wearied with this long letter, and that you 
 may find a wife worthy of you, and wishing you a 
 thrice happy New Year, I tako my leave as ever, 
 
 Yours affectionately, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 HAMILTON, January 4, 1848. 
 
 I believe you would have laughed if you had been 
 at home when Master L was here. I was writing 
 to Alvin when he came. He commenced a long lec 
 ture upon the beauties of penmanship, its importance, 
 etc. Then he asked if I had a Milton s "Paradise 
 Lost " and wished me to get it ; then he gave me a 
 word to parse to see if I parsed it as he did. We 
 agreed about it and I suppose that made his heart 
 glad. Then he commenced a discourse upon Algebra, 
 mentioned his own algebraical knowledge, fath 
 omed my mathematical acquisition, then branched off 
 in the line of school-teaching, spoke of the importance 
 of correct classification of schools, and last, but not 
 least, cited his own superhuman endeavors and suc 
 cess in the art, recounted the extraordinary feats he 
 had performed, and, dear me, I can t go through the 
 inventory, it is too tiresome. Master L. is a man of 
 uncommon and extensive erudition, but he is a very 
 small part of the material universe. He is a very 
 little being of a very little world which is as it were 
 but a speck of Creation. "These little things are 
 great to little man." 
 
 AVe had little time to study last week, as we do not 
 go to school, but study our six hours at home, that is, 
 when we do not have company.
 
 24 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Poor Pinter met with a sad accident to-day. The 
 cars broke his leg. I don t know how it was done, 
 but father thinks the snow-plough did it. I get along 
 finely in my studies, now that I don t have you to 
 hinder me. I am almost through the Latin Lessons 
 and Greek History. For Sabbath-School lesson to 
 morrow we have the twelfth chapter of Ecclesiastes. 
 You will remember your promise about writing, and 
 you must tell me all about matters and things, whether 
 I have asked you or not. Be a good girl. 
 
 Very affectionately your sister, 
 
 MARY ABBY DODGE. 
 
 JANUARY 1, 1849. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER: I believe that I do not owe 
 you a letter, but that I wrote to you last, nevertheless 
 as Augusta is gone I suppose I shall have to be scribe 
 for the whole family and answer not only my letters 
 but father s and mother s too. I suppose the next 
 question you would ask, were you here, would be, 
 Where is Augusta ? " To which I should reply 
 " A fortnight ago Wednesday, A.M., we were quietly 
 wending our way up the hill of science in our own 
 chamber, when our studies were unceremoniously in 
 terrupted by the calling of one Mr. M , of Man 
 chester, who came, as he told father, for one of his 
 girls. " To make a long story short, he wanted 
 Augusta to take the school in Newport and she is now 
 employed in the delightful task of assisting the inex 
 perienced juveniles under her care, in their toilsome 
 journey to the temple of fame, or rather knowledge. 
 
 I visited Bayne s Panorama of a Voyage to Europe 
 this forenoon. At the request of my friends I accom 
 panied them to Salem, and was well repaid by a sight
 
 STUDENT DAYS 25 
 
 of the many wonders of art and nature in a small 
 part, to be sure, of the Old World. The three hours 
 session in Franklin Hall gave me a better idea of 
 London and its "suburbs," Liverpool, its commerce 
 and shipping, etc., and the beautiful scenery of the 
 Rhine, than many weeks of mere reading would have 
 done. There has been quite an excitement here 
 against the canine race. Humanity in Hamilton 
 seems to have waged a war of extermination against 
 that most unfortunate race of animals. It is reported 
 that ten have been made to " pay the debt of nature 
 by the cruel hand of rapacious man." So true is it 
 that " man s inhumanity to man (dogs) makes count 
 less thousands mourn ; " still I suppose it is better 
 that all the dogs in Christendom should cease to be, 
 rather than a single person should suffer the agonies 
 of hydrophobia. Do send my music box home as 
 soon as possible, for I want to hear its pretty tunes 
 again. Mother sends her love. Father is about to 
 receive into his stomach his accustomed nine o clock 
 supper. Woe to his poor stomach, and alas ! for his 
 gastric juice. 
 
 Very affectionately, your sister, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 IPSWICH, April 24, 1849. 
 
 MY DEAR SISTER: Here I am, I am here. " Tis 
 true, tis pity, pity tis tis true." I have a sort of 
 fearful foreboding of homesickness. I came here 
 this afternoon with mother. We have about sev 
 enty-five scholars, mostly new ones. I am to study 
 Paley s Theology, Logic, Woods Botany, "Elements 
 of Criticism," and Virgil. The school is going to 
 morrow evening to see the model of Jerusalem and
 
 26 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Belshazzar s Feast. We have no teachers except Mr. 
 and Mrs. Cowles and Miss Robinson. Miss Dunning 
 is coming the eleventh of May. I like very much, 
 have not been homesick, though Virgil and I had a 
 quarrel last eve. 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 Pay the postage! ! ! "No! Pay the dentist when 
 he leaves a fracture in your jaw, and pay the owner of 
 the bear that stunned you with his paw, and buy the 
 lobster that has had your knuckles in his claw," but 
 the Fates forbid that I should pay the postage on a 
 letter ! 
 
 JUNE 1, 1850. 
 
 We have about ninety-five scholars now in our school. 
 It is more than we have ever had before. The tuition 
 and board here is only twenty-four and a quarter 
 dollars for a term of eleven weeks. Linear drawing no 
 additional charge. Perspective, two dollars. French, 
 Latin, and all the languages together only one dollar 
 additional. I study French, Latin, and German, and 
 only pay one dollar more than for English tuition. 
 I do not recollect what is paid for instrumental music. 
 Vocal music is taught for nothing. I should think, 
 therefore, that this school was the cheaper, and I 
 should not be much surprised if it were found to be 
 the better. It is considered a very excellent school. 
 The only English study which I now have is Hitch 
 cock s Geology. Jane Hitchcock, the daughter of 
 the author, is here at school, and is a very lovely girl. 
 I have been through Alexander s "Evidences of 
 Christianity" this term. We have a Composition 
 Class, the members of which write a composition 
 every week and read it to Mr. Cowles before the
 
 STUDENT DAYS 27 
 
 class. I was just engaged in writing mine when your 
 letter reached me, and instead of going on with the 
 composition, I sat down to answer it. The subject 
 was " Life on a Railroad." Don t you wish you 
 could read it when it is finished ? I am afraid it will 
 not be worth reading. I don t feel in the mood to 
 write a composition this morning. I do not think I 
 shall go home to see the installation of Mr. M. In 
 the first place I do not care about seeing him installed 
 in Mr. Kelley s place, and, secondly, I cannot very 
 well spare the time. 
 
 I have lately formed the plan of eating two meals a 
 day. What do you think of it? I found that my 
 suppers did not digest well and I, at first, tried to eat 
 only a very little, but when you sit down to a table 
 loaded with good things, it is difficult to tell how much 
 a very little is. For several days I have eaten only a 
 breakfast and dinner. After dinner I study till four 
 o clock, then go to school am there about an hour 
 then remain at the seminary and study after school 
 till little after six then walk till half past seven 
 study again till nine rise a little past four, break 
 fast at half-past six, go to school quarter before eight, 
 stay till about half past twelve and then dine, etc. 
 Now I have a good deal of studying to do, and could 
 hardly find time to eat supper and walk an hour, both. 
 But the walking is absolutely necessary to my health, 
 and I must walk. As I study pretty much all the 
 time, you will see that that is the only exercise I 
 have. I think it is much more profitable for me to 
 give up supper than it would be to give up walking. 
 I am sure that I feel better. The people here opposed 
 it at first, but Dr. Storrs of Braintree was here the 
 other day, and it was mentioned to him, and he quite
 
 28 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 approved it, so they don t say much about it now. 
 When you write tell me what you think. 
 
 [To A BROTHER.] 
 
 I am very glad that you have so pleasant a board 
 ing-place. I think the company of women, I mean 
 refined and well-informed women, exercises a very 
 great influence over men who associate with them. I 
 hope also that you will not omit the many little points 
 (in society called etiquette) which go to make up 
 your manners. Our old writing-books used to say, 
 "A man s manners commonly makes his fortune." 
 I did not understand it then, but I do now. I am 
 sure that I, for one, judge of a man by his manners. 
 And I think they are a pretty good criterion. Some 
 affect to neglect all such things, but it is no good 
 trait in their characters. I like to see every man or 
 woman, high or low, rich or poor, gentle and polite in 
 everything. I suppose you have some hope of being 
 rich yourself, as so many of your predecessors have 
 become so. I cannot say but that I hope you will, if 
 you will make a good use of your riches. I hope you 
 and I will be rich enough sometime to go to Europe. 
 I should, and what is more I mean to, if I am ever 
 able. I suppose you will say the prospect looks 
 rather dark now, and so it does, but stranger things 
 than that have sometime happened. By the way, have 
 you seen the statement made in the papers, that a 
 French chemist has discovered the secret of the crys 
 tallization of carbon, to form the diamond? You 
 know the diamond is pure crystallized carbon, the 
 same substance as common coal, only crystallized. 
 It has often been resolved into coal or carbon, but no
 
 STUDENT DAYS 29 
 
 chemist has yet been able to make a diamond of car 
 bon. If this is a real discovery, it is a very wonder 
 ful one. 
 
 IPSWICH, October 3, 1850. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER: I left Ipswich last Friday, 
 and reached home just as the family finished dinner. 
 Found Mary there all ready to cut my white dress, 
 the dress. She began it in the afternoon, and it 
 was nearly finished when I came back to Ipswich. 
 Mother, Mary, Augusta, and myself rode up to Uncle 
 Benjamin s in the evening, had a pleasant visit. 
 Father came up to go home with us. Last Friday 
 afternoon, in company with Daniel Webster Stan- 
 wood, Uncle Isaac s grandson, a little boy of some 
 four years of age, I started for South Berwick. It 
 was nearly dark when the cars stopped at South Ber 
 wick. The depot is built of stone and seems to be 
 situated in the midst of woods. It was rather gloomy 
 that night, I assure you. I procured a carriage, as it 
 was nearly two miles to Mr. P s. We rode in a 
 common carryall with three seats. Daniel and my 
 self had to get out whenever the other persons in the 
 carriage wished to alight, which you know must have 
 been very agreeable in the fog and darkness. How 
 ever, we reached Mr. P s in safety. The next 
 moruiug was unpleasant. J. had the sick headache, 
 and my impressions of Maine could not of course be 
 very agreeable. In the afternoon the sky was clear, 
 and we walked nearly the whole time. J s academy 
 is situated on a hill about a quarter of a mile from 
 Mr. P s. The walk leading to it is very retired and 
 pleasant, shaded by rows of fine trees. I should 
 think South Berwick a very pleasant town. There 
 are a considerable number of pretty houses, and what
 
 30 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I like very much, yards attached to them. There are 
 also a good many trees, which always give a pleasant 
 appearance to any town. Monday morning I went 
 into J s school, and was there about an hour when 
 the coach came for me, and at noon I found myself 
 in Ipswich. This is the first time I have been farther 
 towards Maine than Ipswich. I was very much 
 pleased with my journey. 
 
 My school closes four weeks from to-day. Can 
 you realize that your youngest sister is so soon to 
 emerge from childhood and girlhood, and step out 
 upon the arena of life? 1 suppose when you will 
 look upon me as no longer a girl, and dependent, but 
 as a woman and comparatively independent, I shall 
 receive an accession of dignity and importance in 
 your eyes. Well, I have cluug to childhood as long 
 as I could, and now that I must leave it and must 
 take an active part in that society of which I have 
 hitherto been only a passive member, I hope I shall 
 be able to give back the good which I have received a 
 hundredfold. I hope that I shall not disappoint the 
 expectations which have been formed respecting me. 
 I hope that when my life is closed, it may be said 
 that the world is better for my having lived in it. 
 
 I am now studying Latin, French, Moral Philoso 
 phy, Taylor s General History, and Chemistry. The 
 latter is Stockhardt s, a very large and very interest 
 ing book. I think you would like to read it, and I 
 will lend it to you when I have finished it. 
 
 Yours very affectionately, 
 
 ABBY.
 
 Ill 
 
 TEACHING 
 
 1850-1856 
 
 31
 
 Ill 
 
 TEACHING 
 
 1850-1856 
 IPSWICH, December 6, 1850. 
 
 TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. 
 
 Mary Abby Dodge sendeth Greetings with Much Af 
 fection : 
 
 On Tuesday, the third day of December, in the 
 year of our Lord 1850, I bade adieu to my home and 
 friends and like Abraham of yore departed upon a 
 journey to strangers. Several of my schoolm , 
 pupils, I should say, were on the train. We reached 
 Ipswich and the station became one mass of girls, 
 and band-boxes, and brothers, and fathers, and 
 trunks and coaches. The rain was drenching every 
 thing and everybody. I jumped into a coach and 
 was taken to my boarding-house, but found my new 
 trunk had been left at the depot to enjoy a bath. I 
 went to my room where was a good fire, and my trunk 
 soon came, evidently refreshed and strengthened by 
 the ablutions which it had undergone. When we went 
 down to tea I had to sit at the head of the table. I 
 don t think any of us were liable to suffer dyspepsia 
 from overmuch eating that night. I slept very well 
 until three o clock, and suffice it to say I was dressed 
 and had my room in order in season to go to school at 
 33
 
 34 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 nine o clock, and when the " good morning" was said 
 I rose from my chair about so - much. 
 
 I weathered the storm and reached the harbor in 
 safety. We have about sixty scholars in school, and 
 nine of the young ladies are in my house. 
 
 WEDNESDAY NOON. 
 
 It is a week to-day since I have been a teacher. I 
 suppose you would like to know what my classes are. 
 First, in the morning I hear Roxana C. and another 
 little girl recite in history, read, spell, etc. Then I 
 have a class in " Watts on the Mind," afterwards a 
 class in French, then a class in Virgil. In the after 
 noon I have a class in Adams Arithmetic and one in 
 Euclid. I suppose you would like to know how I suc 
 ceed, but I cannot tell myself whether I suit or not. I 
 have not yet found any difficulties. The girls are all 
 very pleasant and seem disposed to do right. There 
 is not a girl in my house from whom I apprehend 
 any trouble. 
 
 Thus before her eighteenth birthday was Miss 
 Dodi> c the teacher at the boardino- home of nine 
 
 O C5 
 
 young girls, caring for them out of school hours, 
 presiding at the table, conducting family devo 
 tions, and teaching several classes at the semi 
 nary. 
 
 IPSWICH, June 9, 1851. 
 
 You mentioned a wish that I could come to Wor 
 cester at this season of the year. I assure you that 
 I should like it of all things. I verily believe that if 
 I had money enough I would go out to Worcester in 
 my vacation and spend a few days. I have a great 
 desire to see the Heart of the old Bay State," to
 
 TEACHING 35 
 
 gaze on " rich and rural Worcester, where through 
 the calm repose of sunny vales and springing woods 
 the gentle Nashua flows, to where Wachusett s wintry 
 blasts the mountain cedars stir," but all such pleas 
 ures I must forego for the present. Will my eyes ever 
 gaze on the foarn-clad torrents of Niagara? Will my 
 ears ever listen to the thunders of its eternal storm ? 
 Oh, gold ! gold ! " bright and yellow, hard and cold " 
 the sweat of the poor and the blood of the 
 brave," if gold were mine, earth should be one great 
 museum for me. I would scale Alpine heights, I 
 would look at the fires of Etna, I would sail on Wi- 
 riandermere, I would tread the paths hallowed by our 
 Saviour s footsteps, I would tread every place where 
 "Earth s great and learned ones" have trodden, I 
 would stand where Avon winds silently along immor 
 talized by " the Shakespeare of her tuneful clime," I 
 would view the " banks and braes of bonny Boon," 
 though they should bring " a nation s glory and her 
 shame, in silent sadness up," for poor Burns was indeed 
 Scotland s glory and her shame. But it is useless to 
 mention particulars, I shall never probably go farther 
 than our Western prairies, never step my foot on classic 
 shore and it is useless to regret. Perhaps you will. 
 You mention a variety of entertainments open at 
 Worcester, some of which I should like. The excur 
 sions I think I should enjoy, but above all and over 
 all, oh ! that I might hear Jenny Lind, the " Nightin 
 gale of Song." This is another of the pleasures from 
 which I am debarred, because my purse unfortunately 
 has a bottom. However, I do not complain. Perhaps 
 one of these days I shall go to Europe and hear Jenny 
 Lind on her own native shore. Did you read the
 
 36 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 anecdote of one gentlemen asking another how lie 
 liked Jenny Lind? "Why," said he, "I think if she 
 ever gets to Heaven, she will be the leader of the 
 choir." I am sorry you did not tell me more about 
 the impression she produced on you, and I am afraid 
 you were disappointed in her, that she did not realize 
 all the expectations you had formed. 
 
 1 was at home a week ago. J. was with me. I 
 walked home in the morning, which is the second time 
 I have done so this term. I enjoyed it very much, I 
 assure you. There is nothing so quieting, so soothing, 
 and at the same time so elevating (to me) as a soli 
 tary walk amid the beauties of Nature, when I can 
 look " through Nature up to Nature s God." I had 
 a letter from Mary last Friday morning in which she 
 conveyed to me the intelligence of the arrival in 
 Beverly of a young gentleman of eight pounds weight 
 who made his debut into this world some four and 
 twenty hours previous. Would not you like to have 
 a peep into his little round face and listen to the 
 Lind-like warblings of his harmonious wind-pipe? 
 God bless the boy ! 
 
 I have read the " Life of Franklin " which you sent 
 me, for which I am much obliged both to you and your 
 friend, Mr. Patch. I must say, however, that the 
 immortal and world-famed Franklin has sunk im 
 measurably in my estimation since my perusal of his 
 autobiography. 
 
 I think his moral and religious principles were very 
 lax, and what is still worse, he speaks of his pecca 
 dilloes with the utmost indifference, as if he consid 
 ered them mere matters of course. I cannot prevent 
 the impression also that he was a heartless man, but
 
 TEACHING 37 
 
 peiiiaps I am mistaken. The whole of his affair with 
 Miss Reed, his wife, seems to me to be very business 
 like and philosophical. However, my strictures will 
 not detract from his well-earned fame, and if they 
 could, far be it from me to pluck one laurel from the 
 unfading wreath of the illustrious dead ! 
 
 OCTOBER, 1851. 
 
 MY DEAR SISTER : I am writing in Mrs. Cowles 
 desk. The young ladies are very quietly studying, 
 coming now and then to ask me a question, leave to 
 speak, etc., etc. I have no recitations from two to 
 three, and consequently I spend that hour in reading, 
 etc. The book which I generally read at this hour 
 (Addison s " Spectator") not being here, I thought 
 I would commence a letter to you. 
 
 I think the moral atmosphere of Cambridge must 
 be uncommonly good for these degenerate days. How 
 could you otherwise be brought to a sense of the 
 duty devolving upon you as an elder sister? " Better 
 late than never," is the old adage. I trust your new 
 found responsibilities will not sit too heavily upon 
 you, but that you will be indefatigable in your en 
 deavors to promote my good, remembering that " just 
 as the twig is bent the tree s inclined," and perhaps 
 the impression you make on my plastic mind may 
 never be effaced. 
 
 I have a few things to say to you, some in severity, 
 all in love. I will say them now before I forget 
 them. You say you have joined a reading club. 
 Good. You say you are reading Ty tier s Universal 
 History. Better. You say that yourself and Mr. 
 Webster belong to it. Best. Now comes the " Tug 
 of War." 1. Joining the reading club ; I reiterate :
 
 38 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Good. 2. Reading Tytler s Universal History ; I 
 reiterate : Better with a few qualifications. You say 
 " if we females," etc. Haunah Augusta Dodge, 
 never let me hear you call yourself a female ; never 
 call me a female. Would you rank yourself with the 
 brutes. Are you a female? So is a cow so is a 
 hog. Do not thus degrade yourself. Stand up in 
 all the glory of your birthright. Call yourself a 
 woman ! Be a woman ! 
 
 Furthermore, is it possible that you are as infatuated 
 as you represent yourself to be ? I know you have 
 always disliked history. I know that reading through 
 a large book of historical information is an under 
 taking to you, herculean. It is no use to say you 
 are not interested in the History. You ought to be 
 interested. You are interested. Everything that 
 concerns the world concerns you. Do not contract 
 your soul to the time a moment, and the space 
 a point, which your puny self occupies, " Verbum 
 sat sapienti." 
 
 DECEMBER 5, 1851. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER AND SISTER : I have been delib 
 erating for some time as to whom I should direct my 
 letter, and have finally come to the conclusion which 
 you see. You both will want to know very much the 
 same things. 
 
 Well ! to begin the history of my eventful life since 
 last we met : Firstly, I went into John s shop after I 
 left home and bought a pound of sugar all in lumps, 
 a very dignified purchase truly for a teacher. Never 
 theless, almost all celebrated people have had their 
 idiosyncrasies, and of course I should not be an ex 
 ception, and you can both testify to my passion for 
 lumps of sugar. When I lauded at Ipswich I went
 
 TEACHING 39 
 
 to Mrs. L s, and was ushered into my room. It is 
 about as large as our front chamber. It has three 
 windows with white corded cambric curtains and 
 fringes. It has also a handsome new mahogany 
 bureau with four large drawers and two or three little 
 ones. We have six common chairs, a stuffed arm 
 chair, and a large-armed rocking-chair. We have 
 moreover a little light stand with a drawer very 
 convenient, and a portable sink, also very convenient. 
 Mrs. L. is going to make us some crickets as soon as 
 she has time. We have a good woolen carpet, a new 
 oil-cloth rug, a handsome air-tight stove, a mantel 
 piece, good clean, light paper (green and white) light 
 paint, two large convenient closets, a nice white large 
 napkin on our bureau on which I have put my hand 
 some books, a looking-glass with a black and gilt 
 frame, a pair of brass tongs and shovel, a basket for 
 wood, a broom brush and dust pan, a bedstead some 
 thing like that in your front chamber, etc. I must 
 not forget to mention our canary bird, which my room 
 mate brought with her, and which is a very fine singer. 
 What do you think of my lodgings, mother mine? I 
 never had such a room in Ipswich before. Mrs. L. 
 is very kind seems to think she cannot do too much 
 thinks I never eat enough, etc. She told Mrs. 
 Cowles to-day that I had been a comfort to her ever 
 since I had been here, and was worth as much as the 
 whole house put together. She told me herself that 
 she considered me the greatest catch she had had. Of 
 course this is for your own private ear. My room 
 mate is very agreeable and says she shall think noth 
 ing too much to do for me, and not only says it, but 
 
 acts up to it. I am very sorry that Mrs. does 
 
 not know the reasons for my leaving. I hope the old
 
 40 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 lady will rejoice in the full, glorious, unsullied, and 
 unshared possession of her regal dignity till she 
 " goes down to the grave like a shock of corn in its 
 season fully ripe." We have a very pleasant school. 
 Mrs. Cowles thinks we shall have about seventy all 
 told. School commences at eight o clock. I have a 
 class in Colburn, Grammar, Algebra, Natural Philoso 
 phy, Virgil, and History all recite in the forenoon. 
 We are to have no recitations in the afternoon. This 
 arrangement I like very much. Writing and drawing 
 in the P.M., and at four devotional exercises. 
 
 JANUARY 15, 1852. 
 
 Mr DEAR SISTER : I had a letter from Maria last 
 Tuesday. She said she wrote with Josey pulling at 
 her dress, and had hold of one corner of the sheet 
 trying with all her little strength to pull it away. I 
 wish she had told me which corner her dear little fin 
 gers had touched, but I kissed them all to make sure. 
 Father was here about five minutes last Saturday, 
 came to town to pa} taxes; a short visit, but better 
 than nothing. Mother and father talk of coming over 
 to Ipswich one of these days for a sleigh-ride. I go 
 to school at eight in the morning, have an Arithmetic 
 class in Thomson s Large Arithmetic. General exer 
 cises at a quarter to nine, then a class in Grammar, 
 one in Algebra, problems in quadratic equations, one 
 in Parker s Natural Philosophy, and one in Virgil, 
 which occupies the time of the recitations, an hour 
 and a half. They are in the ninth book. After dinner 
 I go to school again and study German with Miss 
 Robinson. At three and a half I have a little class 
 in United States History. At four I go to Mrs. 
 Cowles to practise till tea time, after which I read,
 
 TEACHING 41 
 
 study, write, etc. Prof. Laverner, of Hartford, gave 
 us a reading from Shakespeare about a fortnight ago 
 in the seminary, very good. I am reading Edgar 
 Foe s works. 
 
 FEBRUARY 19, 1852. 
 
 MY OWN DEAR MOTHER: Ellen Hobbs has come. 
 Oh ! ye gods and goddesses, all by whom Troy stands, 
 and Neptunian Troy smokes to the ground. She has 
 come to see me and is going to stay till Monday. Do 
 not blame me for not coming home, you know I can 
 not leave Ellen C. after she has come so far to see 
 me. I should be as much surprised to hear that you 
 
 and father were divorced as to hear of s broken 
 
 engagement. I am very sorry for it, as I fear it will 
 embitter and embarrass his whole life, and hers, too. 
 This, however, is none of my concern. 
 
 Good-by. 
 
 From yours affectionately, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 JUNE 15, 1852. 
 
 Have you ever read "The Wide, Wide World," 
 or " Queechy," or "Uncle Tom s Cabin"? If you 
 have not, I advise you to do it, especially the latter. 
 They are well worth your attention, though they are 
 stories. If you ever want to read any English history, 
 I desire you read Macaulay. Mr. Cowles gave me 
 the books (two volumes) ; I have read them through, 
 and Augusta has the first volume now, but I presume 
 she will be done with it when she comes home in 
 August. I think there are very few kinds of secular 
 reading more improving than history. Macaulay is a 
 standard author, the prince of prose writers, in my 
 humble estimation.
 
 42 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 JANUARY 12, 1853. 
 
 "I wonder as I gaze." Is it possible that twelve 
 days of our " New Year " have already " gone to the 
 slumber that shall know no waking," gone with their 
 burden of testimony for and against us, sealed up 
 till the last great day, gone, gone? " Tempus fugit." 
 When I was young, a summer seemed a great while 
 a year interminable, but now spring treads on the heels 
 of summer, summer hurries to autumn, and winter is 
 here before Brown October s sere and yellow leaf " 
 has fairly won a place in our memories. I sit down 
 to your letter with some embarrassment. Ellen has 
 had a letter from E. A. Rollins proposing that he 
 should spend next Sabbath in Ipswich if agreeable to 
 her. She is now here doing a variety of undignified 
 things to show her joy and vainly trying to stir up my 
 imperturbable nature into a corresponding yeast of 
 enthusiasm. 
 
 You inquire the state of my mind while thus view 
 ing the exit of my companions from the stage of sin 
 gle life. I have, as you may suppose, thought and 
 reflected much on this important subject and have at 
 length come to the following conclusion : 
 
 " Man is a vapor 
 
 Full of vvoes, 
 Cuts a caper, 
 
 Down he goes. 
 Woman is a bubble 
 
 Light as air, 
 Makes man trouble 
 
 Then don t care." 
 
 You speak in your letter of a headache arising from 
 a rush of blood to the head in a warm room. Alas ! 
 infatuated girl. Do you not know that a rush of blood
 
 TEACHING 43 
 
 to the head is owing to a rush of food to the stomach ? 
 Take care of the pies and cake, and the head will take 
 care of itself. 
 
 FEBRUARY, 1853. 
 
 MY DEAR MRS. CONNER: I have just heard that 
 you have really and truly reached Cincinnati, and I 
 am so delighted with the information that I must take 
 the liberty of writing a letter of congratulation. If 
 you only knew the visions of bursting boilers and 
 sunken steamers, of shattered cars and overturned 
 coaches that have flitted before my eyes during all 
 these weeks, I am sure 3~ou would excuse what may 
 seem to you presumption. To all my inquiries after 
 you, nobody could give a satisfactory reply. All I 
 knew was that you were gone, and that Mr. Conner 
 was gone, intending to make Cincinnati your tarrying 
 place, but weeks passed away, and not a word was 
 heard from you, so that I was forced at length to the 
 conclusion that you had either gone to Australia or 
 
 to the bottom of Lake Erie. Neither of these, I am 
 glad to learn, is true. You are still in the land of the 
 living, and not in the land of gold. I am also glad, 
 delighted, in ecstasies, to hear that you do not like 
 your new home very well. I hope you will never like 
 it any better. I hope your disaffection will increase 
 every day, till you find Cincinnati no longer endur 
 able, and will be fain to see once more New England 
 hills and New England faces but I forget myself 
 
 - I am not writing to a " Yankee," the first and last 
 article of whose creed is that " our country is a great 
 country," who thinks America the only decent country 
 on the face of the earth New England the only civ 
 ilized part of America, and his own homestead the 
 fairest spot on which the sun shines.
 
 44 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 FEBRUARY, 1853. 
 
 I am very busy indeed this term. Besides teaching 
 six or seven classes, I am myself studying Greek and 
 German, and of course I wish to keep up my knowl 
 edge of English, so I peruse a few English books. I 
 am passing my time very pleasantly and happily. 
 I do not think I have enjoyed so much since I have 
 been teaching as I do this winter. I go home every 
 two or three weeks. 
 
 I feel very much interested in the subjects treated 
 iu the papers which you have sent, though I cannot 
 confess myself particularly pleased with the manner 
 in which they are handled. I do not see that the 
 dispute makes very rapid progress. It is very absurd 
 to suppose that the spiritual manifestations are all 
 what is vulgarly termed u humbug," but it is equally 
 difficult for me to believe that the Infinite God, or the 
 holy angels, or disembodied spirits will come to the 
 earth to lift tables, twist silver forks, or tear dresses. 
 Is it to be supposed that the Judge of all the earth, 
 whom no man hath seen or can see, will condescend 
 to such performances ? Is it to be supposed that they 
 who have washed their robes, and made them white 
 in the blood of the Lamb, and have gone in to His 
 marriage feast, should return to earth to answer the 
 impertinent questions of ignorant blockheads as well 
 as " earth s great and learned ones "? Furthermore, 
 how is it that the communication of such men as 
 Socrates, Washington, Franklin, etc., are not one 
 whit above the common run of a schoolgirl s compo 
 sition? How is it that, having added the wisdom of 
 Heaven to the wisdom of Earth, the sum of both 
 should not be so great as the original stock ? What 
 is the use and aim, moreover, of these spiritual com-
 
 TEACHING 45 
 
 munications? I have never in any one of them seen 
 a great truth, before unknown, brought to light. I 
 have never seen any new light thrown upon a hitherto 
 obscure truth. Do they say that the great doctrine 
 of love is promulgated? but so it was in the New 
 Testament fully and forcibly, and even in the Old 
 also, and if men believe not Moses and the Prophets, 
 neither will they be persuaded though one rose from 
 the dead. Is it possible that the Bible is so imper 
 fect a revelation that iu these latter times it should 
 be necessary for tables and chairs to dance about to a 
 new song of Redeeming love? Do not think me irrev 
 erent. I do not mean it so. 
 
 The phenomena have not been satisfactorily ex 
 plained. But man who has made earth, air, and water 
 subservient to his will, who has "bottled up the 
 thunder " for his own private use, need not soon despair. 
 Holy Writ tells us of a time coming when " many shall 
 run to and fro and knowledge shall be increased." 
 Truly, the first part of the prophecy will apply to the 
 present day ; may not the last also be hastening to its 
 fulfilment? The last half century has witnessed many 
 interesting discoveries in the science of matter ; may 
 not the present be also fruitful of equally interesting 
 discoveries in the science of mind? The dominion of 
 reason over animate matter has been always known ; 
 may not mind also have an ascendency over inani 
 mate matter to a degree hitherto unsuspected ? How 
 ever, let us not yet decide, but wait the fulness of 
 time, and iu the meanwhile let us never give up the 
 Bible lest we be given over to the cunning craftiness 
 of men who lie in wait to deceive.
 
 46 <*AIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 APRIL 7, 1853. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : Your letter awaited me on my 
 return from Boston last nigbt. I am very much ob 
 liged for the trouble you have taken to procure the 
 situation for me, but I regret exceedingly that I can 
 not accept it. I decline it, because I do not think 
 it would be quite right to leave Mrs. Cowles at 
 this time. I think the place very desirable indeed. 
 The salary would be no object. It is about the same 
 as my present one, with perquisites. But I am so 
 tired of Ipswich, not of teaching, for I like it, not of 
 Mr. and Mrs. Cowles, for I love them, but of the 
 same white houses and the same black barns, the 
 dreary, monotonous intolerable sameness. Mr. S. s 
 scruples about my age and qualifications are quite 
 amusing. What I am, and what I can do, he wishes 
 to know, does he? Verily, I am a damsel of just 
 twenty years, and can do anything I undertake, inas 
 much as I never undertake anything which I cannot 
 accomplish, " which is an excellent thing in woman." 
 My birthday was last Thursday, did you remember 
 it? I cannot blame the good man for not divining 
 that I was the rara avis that I am, considering he has 
 never heard of me before, but I respect him all the 
 more for his scruples. 
 
 APRIL 22, 1853. 
 
 Mrs. and Miss honored us with a visit one day 
 last week. Mother had seen Mrs. a few weeks 
 before and asked her to come sometime for my sake. . 
 Did you ever hear her talk? Her conversational 
 powers are very fully developed. She is not troubled 
 by an embarrassing timidity, nor does she fastidiously 
 seek to clothe her sentiments in the conventional garb 
 which disguises their real worth. She has no prudish
 
 TEACHING 47 
 
 scruples about inquiring as to the extent of your finan 
 cial operations, nor does the " unexpectable " visit of 
 any one in any way disconcert her. In short, she is 
 unique, she is a prodigy, and I trust she will be 
 u equal to the angels" as to her visits. 
 
 Mrs. C. said that Mr. Wells wanted to get me to 
 assist him in the Putnam Free School in Newbury- 
 port, but she told him I was too young. 
 
 APRIL 26, 1853. 
 
 I received an answer from Mr. Sweetser in due 
 time. There are several things about the school 
 which I liked, particularly having only one session a 
 day, and no care out of school. I am very happily situ 
 ated now. I came with a strong determination to be 
 homesick, but have been grievously disappointed, and 
 unless some unforeseen circumstance occur, I don t see 
 now how I shall be. I have a room-mate not yet 
 fourteen years old. Did not anticipate her coming 
 with very pleasurable emotions, but when I saw her 
 little pale face my heart went out towards her. My 
 classes and my boarding young ladies are very pleas 
 ant. I have not yet said anything to Mrs. C. about 
 the Worcester affair. She and Mr. C. came to our 
 house the very clay I received the letter from Mr. 
 Sweetser. 
 
 Doctor Lambert spent the day here yesterday lec 
 turing on Physiology. I liked him very much. He 
 is simple, sensitive, practical, and unaffected. The 
 Court is in session here this week, and the Metho 
 dist Conference, so we are quite lively. 
 
 JUNE 29, 1853. 
 
 I have adopted the plan of walking half an hour or 
 so before breakfast, which 1 like very much. I have
 
 48 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 finished my picture in colored crayons, and it is put in 
 a gilt frame and looks very pretty. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 21, 1853. 
 
 I have concluded to tell you a few of the events 
 which have banished " sleep from my eyes and slum 
 ber from my eyelids " for the last few nights. As 
 Sterne says, " I cannot endure the scene whicli my 
 fancy has drawn." "How can I leave thee," Ips 
 wich? Indeed I cannot. My soul shudders to con 
 template the dreary expanse that opens before me on 
 leaving this my Alma Mater. I return to Ipswich 
 again next winter. 
 
 By the way, while I think of it ask if they have 
 any message to send to Mr. and Mrs. Conner, as I ex 
 pect to go to Cincinnati in a week or two, and will be 
 happy to carry anything. Oh, I have not told you 
 about my going to Ohio. Mrs. C. came up in the 
 evening, and asked me if I did not want to go to the 
 meeting of the American Board, in Cincinnati. She 
 said they would manage to take care of my classes 
 while I was gone. I did not decide that night. She 
 said that they did not wish to put me under any obli 
 gations, but of course I should not accept the proposal 
 and be gone three weeks and not come back. Now I 
 expect to go, then come back here and stay for the 
 present. 
 
 BROOKLYN, LONG ISLAND. 
 
 We started from the Beverly station in due time. 
 In Boston we walked around an hour or two, also 
 over Worcester a little while. At half-past seven we 
 took the cars for Norwich and Allyu s Point, which we 
 reached about ten, and here we embarked on board the 
 steamer " Connecticut." One of the young men was
 
 TEACHING 49 
 
 pushed off the passage-board into the water by the 
 crowd, but they threw ropes to him and soon drew 
 him out. 
 
 OBERLIN, OHIO, 
 MONDAY MORNING, October 3. 
 Wednesday evening I started with Messrs. Merwyn 
 & Wood and a Miss Gallagher, a young lady who was 
 going to Alton as a music teacher. We had a very 
 pleasant party. The rest of the party stopped in 
 Cleveland. I came from C. to O. alone. I am in 
 tending now to leave for Cincinnati to-morrow morn. 
 
 OCTOBER, 1853. 
 
 My DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER : Have you begun 
 to be alarmed because I do not come home ? What 
 do you say to my spending a few months here instead 
 of a few days? I will not now tell you about my 
 journey, but reserve it for another time. I will only 
 say that last Monday found me in Putnam. Here they 
 told me that Miss G., the Principal, had written to Mrs. 
 C., asking her to let me stay here and teach. She was 
 to send back her answer by telegraph. Now what do 
 you say? The term closes next January. It seemed 
 to me such a good opportunity, seeing I was really 
 here, to see a little of Ohio life and it don t seem 
 like going out West. The boarding-house and school 
 room are all in one building, so that I shall not have 
 to go out in rainy weather, and the church is but a 
 few steps away. I cannot tell whether I shall stay or 
 not until Mrs. C. s letter comes. If she thinks I ought 
 to come home, I suppose I shall. If she is willing, 
 and you are, I should like to spend the winter, or a 
 part of it, here in Putnam. I want you to write me
 
 50 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 as soon as you can on receiving this, and tell me what 
 yoa think of it. Direct to Female Seminary, Put 
 nam, Muskingum Co., Ohio. 
 
 IPSWICH, October 22, 1853. 
 
 MOST ELOQUENT SISTER MINE : I shall have to brush 
 up my talents, or you will leave me in the lurch. I 
 write now merely to inform you of my safe arrival to 
 the land of my fathers. You wish me to give you an 
 account of my journey. I will just give you an out 
 line, and fill it up when I see you. On the reception of 
 ^Ir. Cowles letter, I thought best to start immediately 
 for home, which I did on Wednesday morning, little 
 more than a week from the time of my arrival. I came 
 by way of Columbus, Cleveland, Buffalo, and Albany, 
 and reached Ipswich in due season, where I received the 
 warmest welcome it has ever been my good fortune to 
 meet. Yes, here I am again, but whether for life or 
 not, the sequel must show. I went home in the noon 
 train to see my friends there, and mother brought me 
 back again but dear me, everything does seem so 
 tame here. I have had the most gorgeous time. The 
 English language is so utterly inadequate to express 
 the enjoy went I have felt, that I despair of being able 
 to give you any adequate conception of it. Perhaps 
 I will try it, however, viva-voce, when I have an op 
 portunity. I suppose you would like to know whether 
 I am to return to Ohio. I have not yet quite decided, 
 but think I shall not, as father and mother are so un 
 willing. 
 
 DECEMBER 20, 1853. 
 
 I have improved some of my spare time this week 
 by reading. Yesterday I read "The House of the 
 Seven Gables," a romance by Nathaniel Hawthorne,
 
 TEACHING 51 
 
 the scene of which is laid in Salem. You know he 
 has been a resident, and, I believe, is a native of Sa 
 lem is now Consul at Liverpool. I think you might 
 be interested in it, as some of your peculiar views are 
 introduced. I have finished Beecher s " Conflict of 
 Ages." The book is startling, comprehensive, liberal, 
 and generally very interesting, with some dry details. 
 
 CHURCH STREET, HARTFORD, CONN., 
 
 February 1, 1854. 
 
 MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER : I have been here 
 perhaps fifteen minutes, and supposing you will wish 
 to know of my whereabouts, I will take this early op 
 portunity to inform you. It was nearly eight when 
 we arrived in Hartford, left Boston at four. I felt a 
 little lonesome when getting out all alone, but a hack- 
 man came, and I gave him my checks, and he brought 
 me up here without any further trouble. I went into 
 the parlor; Miss Crocker came down, and we intro 
 duced ourselves. She is a very gentle, pleasant-look 
 ing lady perhaps thirty years old. 
 
 I^EBRUARY 5, 1854. 
 
 I am now comfortably settled in Hartford. Of course 
 I do not feel at home as in Ipswich, but the change is 
 very agreeable. I am boarding in a house with fifteen 
 pupils and five teachers. The family is very pleasant. 
 The school is about the same size as at Ipswich. I have 
 five classes : three in Latin, one in Algebra, and one 
 in Geometry. I have no care out of school. Hart 
 ford was a delightful city when I was in it last sum 
 mer, but it has been so cold since I have been here 
 that I have been out but very little. I shall expect a 
 letter from you soon ; direct to Hartford Female
 
 52 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Seminary. You must remember that I am now en 
 tirely alone, consequently letters will be doubly wel 
 come. 
 
 Last evening Miss Chollet (pronounced Shollay) 
 was in my room, and insisted on my spending u part 
 of the evening with her. She is a fine study for me ; 
 is the niece of Professor Guyot, of Cambridge Uni 
 versity, author of " Earth and Man." She has lived 
 in Poland, Prussia, Paris, Switzerland, London, and 
 I don t know where else. Her father was, I believe, 
 a Prussian general, but is now dead. Her mother and 
 sister live with Professor Guyot in Cambridge. 
 
 Sunday morning I attended Reverend Dr. Ilawes 
 church. Our seat is in the gallery at the extreme of 
 one side. I could see every motion of the Reverend 
 gentleman s fingers and feet, and that always annoys 
 me. He is, moreover, rather an awkward man, which 
 made it all the worse. Then there was a young lady 
 sitting downstairs with a bonnet half way off her 
 head, as bonnets are nowadays, and the top of her 
 head was half bald, and that annoyed me too. How 
 ever, I got along very well. Dr. Hawes is by no 
 means an eloquent man, but he is earnest and practi 
 cal, and I have no doubt sincere. 
 
 This evening Miss Crocker had the girls all down in 
 the parlor, and she read to them for about an hour. 
 I was amused at finding them gathered around me 
 not five minutes after she had done reading. 
 
 FEBRUARY 14. 
 
 MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER : You cannot tell 
 how glad I was to receive your nice long letter to 
 night. I have been here thirteen days and have re 
 ceived thirteen letters all told, but not one of them
 
 TEACHING 53 
 
 gave me so much pleasure as yours, the last and best. 
 I go down to school at half -past nine and stay till 
 half-past twelve. There are four series of classes, but 
 I am employed during only three of them. Conse 
 quently I have some three-quarters of an hour s rest 
 after hearing my algebra, which comes first. Algebra 
 is so familiar to me that I do not study it at all out of 
 school. My next recitation is a class in Latin Reader. 
 On this I spend, perhaps on an average, fifteen min 
 utes out of school. Next comes a class in geometry. 
 This I need to study, but do it when I am not em 
 ployed, the hour after algebra. I go to school again 
 at half-past two, hear a class in spelling for ten min 
 utes, then have a class in Virgil. This I have taught 
 so much that I study it but little myself, say from 
 twenty minutes to half an hour. Then I have a class 
 commencing Latin, which of course requires none of 
 my time out of school. I reach home anywhere from 
 four to half-past four. All my time at home is my 
 own. I do what I choose, go where I choose, and 
 when I choose. I have not opened a single book to 
 study (except my school book) since I came here. 
 My reading consists mostly of the " Tribune," "In 
 dependent," and the chance papers that come in my 
 way. My literary efforts consist mostly in writing 
 letters. I spend a good deal of time, in fact, on my 
 pocket handkerchief, which really begins to look as 
 though it might some day be finished. I do not go 
 out very much, because it is so cold. When the warm 
 weather comes, I mean to take much exercise. Now 
 do you think I am in any danger of injuring myself 
 from over mental exertion ? 
 
 The boarding-house where I am nsed to belong to 
 Miss Strong, who was at the head of this Seminary 
 till her death last summer.
 
 54 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 " Do the girls love me and do I love them? " My 
 dear and " excellent mother," knowing my character 
 istic vanity, I wonder you should give me such a 
 tempting opportunity to display it. Do they love me ? 
 Well, I don t know, but I think they rather like to be 
 around me. As for my loving them, of course I do 
 not love them so much as I did the girls I left at Ips 
 wich. I do not expect I ever shall any others, but 
 I am always interested in my own pupils, and these 
 are, almost every single one, so gentle, kind, polite, 
 and attentive, I could scarcely help loving them some. 
 I like the school better, much better than I expected. 
 
 FEBRUARY 20. 
 
 Last Saturday Miss Holbrook invited me and one 
 or two of the young ladies out to drive. We went 
 up by the Orphan Asylum (Augusta will know 
 where that is) to two green-houses which we visited. 
 The beautiful array of roses, heliotropes, and various 
 other plants would have gladdened your eyes. I 
 send you a leaf of geranium to gladden your nose. 
 We also passed the Charter Oak. The house and 
 grounds on which it stands are owned and occupied 
 by Mr. Stuart, brother of Mrs. Phelps, the authoress 
 of " Sunny Side," "Peep at No. 5," etc. The drive 
 was very pleasant. To-night there is to be what the^ 
 call "The Old Folks Concert," which I think you 
 would like to attend. They sing all old tunes such as 
 used to be sung perhaps a hundred years ago, and 
 such as were in vogue when you were young. They 
 are sung partly by old people. At the last one there 
 were several old ladies on the stage. These concerts 
 are very popular. One gentleman came clear from 
 Albany, in New York, to attend the last one. He
 
 TEACHING 55 
 
 said he went a hundred and fifty miles and paid five 
 dollars to hear Jenny Lind sing, and was glad he did 
 it, but this was worth more than that. 
 
 FEBRUARY 29. 
 
 Dr. Bushnell s name you have probably seen in 
 " The Independent." He is somewhat different in his 
 theological views from the rest of the Orthodox min 
 isters, and he has been talked about much, particu 
 larly two or three years ago. 
 
 My dear sister, you are a fine woman, a capable 
 woman ; you have talent which I honestly think is 
 more and more developed the older you grow ; but, 
 my dear, why will you distress yourself by continued 
 endeavors to make yourself equal to me? Why not 
 do as well as you are capable and give up a struggle 
 which must be fruitless. I should not dare say this 
 if many a broad acre did not stretch between us. 
 
 Dr. Nichols from Haverhill came to Hartford last 
 Tuesday to deliver a course of lectures before the 
 young ladies. He tried experiments with the electric 
 and galvanic apparatus, air-pump, etc., explained the 
 electric telegraph and, by the way, Aug., do you 
 not remember noticing and speaking of the three wires 
 that we saw all along the road last summer? These, 
 he says, are separate telegraphs, as there is so much 
 business done that one wire is not enough. 
 
 MARCH 15. 
 
 I had a letter from Fanny Goodale yesterday in 
 which she says : "I am most agreeably disappointed 
 in your cousin. In the first place, she is not more than 
 half as large as I thought. The girls like her very 
 much. Abby, I wonder if you continue to grow hand-
 
 56 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 some as fast as ever. I have heard more remarks 
 upon your beautiful complexion since you left than a 
 few. Flattery is beneath either of us, but agreeable 
 truth may be safely spoken to one with a well bal 
 anced mind like your own." Speaking of Miss Rob 
 inson, she says : "I am glad Ama is going to marry 
 him. He is such a fine man she cannot be unhappy 
 with him, it seems to me." 
 
 APRIL 10, 1854. 
 
 Amanda Ferry was going to call at a Judge Terry s 
 and wanted me to accompany her. I did not want to, 
 but she insisted and I went. Mrs. Terry was not at 
 home, so we sat down and had quite a pleasant chat 
 with the old Judge. After a while a gentleman came 
 in whom I recognized as the Rev. Dr. Walter Clarke. 
 I had heard him preach once or twice. He married 
 Judge Terry s daughter. He passed through the room, 
 but soon came back again, and then Mr. T. intro 
 duced him to us. He came and sat on the sofa by 
 me, asked me if I had a pleasant school, and then 
 said suddenly, " Can t you see out of that eye at 
 all ? " I was so amazed that I could not believe I had 
 heard him right, and he repeated the question. I was 
 so indignant that I scarcely knew what to say, but 
 finally said, " No, sir." I think he might have seen 
 that I thought it rather strange, for he instantly ex 
 plained by saying that he was in the same condition, 
 that he could not see from his right eye, etc., and 
 asked me if I had noticed it. 
 
 The " reminiscences" to which you refer are by no 
 means as graphic or as interesting as those which I 
 wrote. Mrs. Cowles omitted a great deal of what / 
 consider the best part, though of course she did not. 
 The beginning is all left out, and the first sentence,
 
 TEACHING 57 
 
 as it stands now, is extremely flat and commonplace. 
 I trust you will not help to extend the fact that I was 
 its author. I did not intend to have the date given. 
 
 Mr. Cowles writes: "Last eve I sent }*ou a copy 
 of the April No. of the Teacher. You will find 
 your article in it, not quite so large as life, but I 
 hope you will think it quite as natural." (I don t by 
 any means think so. Mrs. C. has not put anything to 
 it, you. must understand, only taken away from it.) 
 " We think it is like you, and we like the thing itself 
 much. Wife says it reads better in print than in 
 manuscript, and I say to you, write on and keep your 
 pen busy. With practice I am sure you can become 
 a writer with a name, though that, indeed, is no great 
 motive, only as it is a power for good. Please at 
 all events to cultivate the gift that is in you. You 
 will never regret it, and the good hand and counsel 
 of Him who is over us, and in whose eye we all 
 must act, will have good, and happy, and useful work 
 for you one day, without the least doubt. I only 
 wished I had helped and encouraged you yet more 
 when you were with us. Can you take that wish now 
 for an encouragement? " Afterwards he says, "Let 
 us know all your history if } 7 ou will, for nothing of 
 yours certainly is foreign to us," alluding, you will 
 perceive, to a sentence in the last part of my " arti 
 cle." Now, mother, I have hesitated some time as to 
 whether I should write this to you or not, because I 
 knew you would think so much of it and fancy I was 
 going to become an authoress right away ; but, my 
 dear parents, I beg you to remember that to be a good 
 writer, one must have time to think and correct and 
 alter, and how do you suppose I can teach all day and 
 then have energy for mind work in the evening? Be-
 
 58 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 sides, you must remember that Mr. Cowles is preju 
 diced in my favor almost as much as you are, and 
 rates me much higher than I deserve, so you ueed not 
 look for the " Hartford Transcript," or any other 
 paper as long as I teach. You ask me about staying 
 iu Hartford. If I intended to teach anywhere next 
 winter, I should probably stay here, but I do not de 
 sire to teach anywhere. It is nearly four years I have 
 been at it and I am tired. 
 
 APRIL 19, 1854. 
 
 Last Sunday was celebrated by Catholics and Epis 
 copalians as Easter Sunday, the anniversary of our 
 Saviour s resurrection. Mrs. Perkins is a member of 
 the Episcopal Church and invited me to go there with 
 Miss F. I was very glad to accept the invitation. 
 There was a very beautiful bouquet in front of the 
 pulpit larger than a water bucket, which is not indeed 
 a very pretty thing to compare a bouquet to, but it 
 answers my purpose very well. I would not by any 
 means intrude so far on your patience as to give you 
 a description of the exercises, only saying that I en 
 joyed them more than any since I have been in Hart 
 ford. 
 
 MEKIDEN, CONN., May 3, 1854. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : I received your letter, and 
 was of course very glad of it ; also glad to learn that 
 you had concluded upon a place, though I think it 
 was well for you to travel as much as you did. In 
 fact, I think travelling is one of the best modes of 
 gaining information in the world, and to me, at least, 
 it is one of the most pleasant. As to Louisville, I do 
 not know whether or not to like it, knowing but little 
 about the city. I do not feel very much alarmed on 
 the score of its being in a slave-holding State. I trust
 
 TEACHING 59 
 
 your principles are too well-founded and too deeply- 
 rooted, to be very seriously altered by mere proximity 
 to the evil and crime which we all deplore. I do not 
 think, moreover, that you are likely to be in circum 
 stances for the present which would have any ten 
 dency to make you connive at a system which degrades 
 labor. I expect you will not only conserve but in 
 crease your tendencies to " Liberty for all." I think 
 3 ou will have a fine opportunity for observation, 
 though of course you will see slavery only in its mod 
 ified aspects where liberty and slavery, freedom and 
 despotism grapple in such a hand-to-hand struggle as 
 they do in the States that border the free States, you 
 cannot expect such developments as where there is 
 the blackness of darkness unmitigated. I am afraid 
 you are somewhat fatigued by my long letter, yet I 
 desire you to know that I, for one, do not expect an} 7 
 change for the worse in your principles. If you 
 should be somewhat qualified in regard to Spiritual 
 ism, I should be glad, not that I would wish you to 
 disbelieve in the agency or the presence of spirits, 
 perhaps I believe it not less firmly than you, neither 
 would I desire you to pronounce modern Spiritualism 
 all a humbug, for I cannot conceive of any candid, 
 reasonable person doing so, but I would have you 
 more cautious in building up theories, in deducing 
 inferences from facts. Our knowledge of all science, 
 and of all sciences, is very imperfect, and particularly 
 at the first introduction of one you well know how 
 little truth is often mixed with how much falsehood. 
 I trust we shall one day be so happy as to see face 
 to face, Him whom we now see only through a glass 
 darkly. 
 
 I was somewhat alarmed about your being in Ken-
 
 60 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 tucky on account of the cholera, but I think it is 
 scarcely worth while to be anxious about that. I hope 
 you will take all care to preserve your valuable health, 
 and yon are none the less in the hands of our Father 
 there than here. Even death itself should not be a 
 terror to us who profess to have laid hold on eternal 
 life. I hope you will not be so occupied in the busi 
 ness of life as to neglect moral or mental improve 
 ment. There is so much intensity in Western life that 
 I think yon are somewhat in danger of being hurried 
 down the current, and forgetting that " it is not all 
 of life to live." Allow me also to suggest that you 
 pay a closer attention to the " small, sweet courtesies 
 of life." No man is any the less manly for being 
 gentle and polite ; not that I mean to insinuate that 
 you are ever impolite ; above all let me entreat you 
 never to indulge in that most filthy, disgusting, intol 
 erable, and abominable haliit of spitting. There is 
 no need of it it is only a habit, and worthy of 
 none who claim a rank above the savage, though I 
 dare say a savage never did such a thing in his life. 
 There is a work just published that I think you would 
 like. I refer to Hugh Miller s "Autobiography." He 
 was a workingman, a stone-cutter, and now ranks 
 high in the literary and scientific world. One thing 
 more, I hope you will not only cultivate your morals 
 and your manners, but also your beard, that you will 
 not every day, or every other day, defy Nature, but 
 adorn your face with that most manly and noble of 
 all ornaments, you understand what I mean. There 
 has been a great deal of excitement in Hartford. The 
 water of the Connecticut comes nearly to the foot of 
 the garden where we live now. There are several 
 streets navigable from one end to the other. You
 
 TEACHING 61 
 
 can just see the tops of the posts to which horses are 
 tied. The street lanterns are above water. No mails 
 had been received yesterday from the north. I came 
 to Meriden yesterday, where I am spending my time 
 very pleasantly. My friend, Miss Feny, is associated 
 with Miss Swift, and both with Governor Slade, who 
 sends out teachers twice a year to the West. These 
 teachers, twenty or more of them, come to Hartford 
 and stay six weeks, and receive lessons in drawing, 
 etc., and then Governor Slade takes them out. 
 
 MAY 10, 1854. 
 
 I have adopted the plan of going to bed at nine 
 and rising at five, in order that I may use my eyes by 
 daylight and rest them at night. Hartford is very 
 beautiful now, wrapped in green. Our Seminary is 
 behind some shade trees. My unknown friend con 
 tinues to favor me with wild flowers another little 
 bouquet was brought to the door for me last night, 
 just as pretty as it could be. They now adorn my 
 table. Miss C. and I went to a shoemaker s to-day 
 and bought patterns for which we paid ninepence, and 
 are going to try some shoes for ourselves. It is an 
 experiment, and I don t know how we shall succeed. 
 
 I was gladdened yesterday by the sight of your 
 handwriting on my return from Meriden, where I have 
 been spending the past week very pleasantly. My 
 vacation commenced a week ago last Friday noon. I 
 remained in Hartford a few days, partly to be with my 
 friend, Miss Ferry, and partly to have the pleasure 
 of seeing her friend, Mr. Hale, from New York. I 
 also had the pleasure of being here during " the 
 flood," and really do not regret it, as it may be some 
 time before I ever again see boats navigating streets 
 from end to end.
 
 62 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I send the enclosed ten dollars to Felt. Miss 
 Crocker has paid me, so that I do not need it, and if 
 I keep it I shall be sure to spend it, so I return it and 
 shall feel better prepared to call again in case of 
 necessity. Tell Felt I am just as grateful for his 
 kindness as if I had used it. My brothers are the 
 best in the world, not to mention my sisters. 
 
 I was surprised to hear of Charlotte Waterman s 
 death, though I knew she was sick. I saw her the 
 day I came from Ipswich to Hartford. In such a 
 death as hers there can be no bitterness, for she was 
 always ready and her rest shall be glorious. 
 
 Friday evening, May 19. My boots are nearly 
 finished, that is, the part I am to do. I am quite 
 pleased with them, only I am afraid they will be too 
 large or too small, I cannot tell which. He told me 
 to allow for seams, but I don t know whether he meant 
 in cutting or sewing. I am quite in love with city 
 life. It is so convenient. You can get anything you 
 want without the trouble of going to Salem after it. 
 A fast next Friday on account of the Nebraska Bill. 
 I am rejoiced to know that my minister dares to open 
 his mouth against this most enormous iniquity in high 
 places. To-morrow is the day when the question is 
 to be decided, and I greatly fear that I shall blush for 
 the fallen glory of my country. If the Nebraska Bill 
 does pass, I believe I would almost as soon have the 
 Union broken, yea, rather, than to have the North 
 let the South rule and triumph over it. We shall 
 see ! 
 
 JUNE 5, 1(S54. 
 
 I took a class in Sabbath School last Sunday. It 
 consists of three little boys from the Orphan Asylum. 
 I took occasion to give them a little information and
 
 TEACHING G3 
 
 instruction touching the Nebraska Bill, etc., etc. 
 They were quite valorous. One of them said he was 
 going to be a soldier. The other two thought they 
 should be farmers. I asked one of them from whom 
 we all descended ; he replied " Adam." Another one 
 cried out " Eve too" which I was not disposed to 
 gainsay. My term closes three weeks from to-day. 
 Mrs. Perkins seemed very glad to see me, urged rne 
 to stay to tea and said Mr. Perkins would go home 
 with me, but as I am not used to suppers, I thought 
 I would not. She took rne out in the garden and cut 
 me a pretty little bouquet, asked me to call often and 
 be sure and come next week and she will make me a 
 " nosegay" of roses, of which she has more than fifty 
 kinds in her garden. 1 had my silk dress on, which 
 is too long, and she told me I must not wear it so, 
 and wanted me to bring it down to her house and she 
 would help rue to take it up round the waist. I men 
 tion these little things that you may see how kind she 
 is. In fact, almost everybody is kind to me. I don t 
 know whether it is because they think I am a poor 
 weak creature without sense enough to take care of 
 myself, or for some other reason. 
 
 JUNE 9, 1854. 
 
 A few days ago two or three carriage loads of us 
 took a drive to Wadsworth mountain, about seven or 
 eight miles from the city. On the mountain is a tower 
 nearly a hundred feet high, and from the top can be 
 seen one of the most charming landscapes in the 
 world, the Farmingtou valley on the one side, the 
 Connecticut valley on the other. The river can be 
 traced all along its beautiful winding way by the trees 
 that line its banks. The land is highly cultivated,
 
 64 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and the scenery rich and picturesque beyond descrip 
 tion. Mt. Holyoke can be seen in the dim distance. 
 A little lake lies quietly almost on the very mountain 
 top, calm as if its fair bosom was never ruffled by the 
 storm king s breath, sheltered on every side by the 
 great forest trees beneath whose shade, and through 
 whose paths, impassable to us, the Indian lias doubt 
 less often marched with his tomahawk and war-club. 
 On the shore of the lake is a boat-house, where we 
 carried our refreshments and strengthened ourselves 
 after our five hours wandering. We started about 
 half-past three and reached home soon after nine. 
 
 I wish you would once in a while send me a Ken 
 tucky paper Pro-slavery if possible I think it is 
 well to look at both sides of the question. My very 
 soul has been stirred within me the last few months 
 by that most unmanly, demoniac Nebraska Bill. I 
 cannot believe that men who have trodden our free 
 Puritan soil, and breathed our free mountain air, can 
 suffer themselves to become the minions of slavery. 
 It is bad enough for the South to " roll it as a sweet 
 morsel under her tongue," but there are mitigating 
 circumstances in her case. The enormity cannot 
 strike so forcibly those who have grown up under its 
 influence, but that men who have never been sur 
 rounded by any but free institutions should defend 
 this monster iniquity is indeed incomprehensible ! 
 "In their proper position " indeed ! If the life, the 
 energy, the hope have been crushed out of them by 
 long years of bondage, is that to be thrown in their 
 face ? The very fact that they are happy is the most 
 mournful comment. How degraded must a man be 
 before he can be happy in a life which offers to him 
 nothing but a subservience to the will of another,
 
 TEACHING 65 
 
 which takes from him the God-given right to his own 
 conscience, and places him in the power of another. 
 It is a bitter mocker}* ! worthy of Satan himself. I 
 have no doubt that, as a class, the slaves are far be 
 low the white man, but let the case be changed, let 
 the white man have occupied the place which the 
 upgro has done for centuries, and I have as little doubt 
 that he too would be considered as occupying his 
 " proper position." The early history of the world 
 shows that Africa was prolific of great men. 
 
 Before America was ever heard of, Africa was civ 
 ilized. Her statesmen, her generals, her bishops, her 
 libraries were renowned over the then known world, 
 and because this fallen queen now mourns in sack 
 cloth and ashes, little souls insult her and declare her 
 incapable of being exalted. I believe the time will 
 yet come when she will again sit among princes, 
 clothed and in her right mind," and glorious in maj 
 esty. God speed the day ! Certainly our " free Re 
 public " seems not disposed to speed it. I believe we 
 have the sole honor of standing before the world as 
 the champions of slavery and defenders of liberty. I 
 have no patience when I think of it. Even for the 
 Boston riots I cannot be so sorry as I suppose I 
 ought. I lament the loss of life. I lament the law 
 lessness of mobs, nor do I deem it efficient, but whose 
 fault is it that the passions of our steady and quiet 
 people have been wrought to frenzy ? Who is it 
 that has stirred up this agitation ? Not the abolition 
 ists certainly, and after all I cannot but hope that out 
 of this present evil the great God is working his own 
 good purposes, that the crisis has at last come, and 
 that the giant of the North will shake off now the 
 chaius which have so long bound him, and rise up in
 
 66 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the might of his conscious strength, saying to this 
 terrible scourge, "Thus far shalt thou go and no far 
 ther." I am afraid I have tired you, but really when 
 I once begin to talk about it, I don t know when to 
 stop. 
 
 JUNK 10. 
 
 As our great orator said, " Let me recur to pleas 
 ing recollections." Last Wednesday night I went to 
 a little musical party at a Dr. Jackson s. I have an 
 invitation to attend a wedding reception next Wed 
 nesday, but I scarcely think I shall go. I have turned 
 my attention to manufacture lately, and have cut out 
 and sewed a pair of gaiter boots of brown linen. I 
 did everything myself except the soling, and succeeded 
 admirably. My term closes on the twenty-ninth of 
 June. I do not intend to return here. Do you take 
 the " Tribune "? I wish you would. I think it a most 
 excellent paper a little ultra perhaps in some 
 things, but right on the two great questions of the 
 day, slavery and temperance. 
 
 My nose has formed a habit of bleeding lately, once 
 in a while, and I dare say it does me good by remov 
 ing the surplus blood from my head. Write me as 
 soon as you have time, and tell me as much as you 
 choose to have me know of your business and your 
 friends. 
 
 May the good hand of our Father guide you in the 
 way which He shall choose, grant you a life of use 
 fulness and happiness in this world, and fit you for 
 a more glorious lot in His more immediate presence 
 whenever it shall be His will to call you to Himself. 
 To those who humbly trust and believe in a Redeemer 
 and another world, death should have little terror. It 
 is not death, but a birth into a higher and holier state 
 of existence.
 
 TEACHING 67 
 
 JUNE 20. 
 
 Would you go back to Hartford next term, or would 
 you not? I want advice on this point. Let me have 
 the united wisdom of the family. Miss Crocker 
 never said anything to me about returning till last 
 night, when she urged me quite strongly to return, 
 expresses herself more than satisfied, says the gills 
 are anxious to have me return, besides many other 
 pleasant things too numerous to mention. She says 
 if I will return, I need teach nothing but Latin. I 
 told her I would not decide definitely till I had heard 
 from home. 
 
 AUGUST, Friday, 4, 1854. 
 
 Yesterday Mother A. and I went to Danvers. 
 Last week Monday, I went to Salem, to visit at Mr. 
 Fox Worcester s, with whose daughter I am ac 
 quainted. Spent one day and night there, and then 
 went over to South Salem, and spent a night at the 
 house of Mr. D. B. Brooks, the book-seller, with my 
 friend Amanda Ferry, one of my warmest friends. 
 She is engaged to a gentleman of New York. 
 
 Last Saturday mother carried me over to Ipswich, 
 to make a short visit. I found the girls at the Sem 
 inary busy as bees in making mottoes and wreaths of 
 evergreen to adorn the old Seminary for the ensuing 
 Monday and Tuesday examination days. Augusta 
 and I have made our arrangements to go to Provi 
 dence, R.I., next Monday to stay about a week. The 
 United States General Teachers Association meet 
 there. You know we went to one last summer in 
 New Haven. I have no place in view to teach at 
 present. If none present itself by next spring, I 
 shall probably turn my attention westward.
 
 68 ftAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 AUGUST 31, 18f>4. 
 
 You remember I told you about going to Provi 
 dence a few weeks ago. There are a few little items 
 connected with that trip which you will perhaps be 
 interested to know. As we were getting into the 
 cars at Hamilton, we met a gentleman coming out. 
 I said to A. that he looked like Mr. Curtis, of the 
 High School, Hartford. I had seen him, but was not 
 acquainted. We went on to Boston, saw F., did 
 some shopping, and finally went to the Boston and 
 Providence depot, and were talking away, when some 
 one touched me. I turned and saw F. with this 
 gentleman, whom he introduced as Mr. Curtis, of 
 Hartford. He told me that when he met me in Ham 
 ilton he thought I might be the one he wanted to see. 
 He asked Mr. R. where I lived and was told I hud 
 just gone on in the cars. They told him F s address, 
 and he took the next train, went to F., and they both 
 jumped into a coach and drove post-haste to the 
 depot where they found me. I saw him half an hour 
 or so there, and several times afterwards, and the 
 result is that next Saturday I am to go to Hartford, 
 to teach in his school. So your next letter to me 
 must be directed to Hartford, but not to the Female 
 Seminary. 
 
 I have been riding horseback this vacation, and 
 went down to the post-office alone yesterday. It is 
 the first time I have ventured into the public walks 
 of life, and I like so much that I think I shall go on. 
 Augusta went to Beverly, horseback, the morning 
 that father went in the chaise to Salem. A. and I 
 went out making calls a few days ago. Intended to 
 call on Mrs. G. A., Jr., but, on inquiring, found she 
 was not at home. As the conversation took place
 
 TEACHING 69 
 
 with Mr. A. peeping on one side under a suspended 
 ox and Miss D. on the other it was of a commenda 
 ble brevity. Miss S. A. we had the pleasure of find 
 ing at home. She was engaged in crayon drawing. 
 
 HARTFORD, September 4, 1854. 
 MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER : Now how you do 
 want to know where I am, and how I am. Let me 
 begin at the beginning, and first for my health. I 
 think I was never so tired in my life as I was when 
 I reached Hartford, at about eight o clock, feeling as 
 if I would as soon lose my baggage as go to look for 
 it. As I was going into the ladies room, I saw Mr. 
 Curtis walking very leisurely along, and examining 
 the cars very closely. I never was before, and never 
 shall be again, so glad to see him. We drove directly 
 to my boarding-place very near where I was, and I 
 was introduced to Mr. and Mrs. O., who seem to be 
 exceedingly pleasant people, somewhat in years, and 
 very fine looking. They wished me to take supper, 
 but all I wanted was a place to lie down, and so Mrs. 
 O. showed me to my chamber. I am the sole occu 
 pant, straw carpet, white quilt, toilet table with white 
 covering, washstand do., a bureau with four drawers 
 all to myself, and fringed white cover, a closet, a 
 chair, an ottoman, a nice lounge and pillow, and 
 gas, white muslin curtains, etc., there, didn t I tell 
 you I wanted a sofa and gas, and you thought 
 rather foolishly ? I must not forget to mention a most 
 cunning little alarum clock, also a few pictures. I 
 shall let my own clock stay in the trunk, I wish now 
 I had not brought it. I thought, when I was in bed 
 Saturday night, I wished you could know exactly 
 where I was and Low I felt. I did not sleep much
 
 70 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and of course was not particularly brilliant, but last 
 night I made up for it all and feel this morning quite 
 well. I have plenty of water, and crash and other 
 towels at my disposal. 
 
 HARTFORD, September 5, 185-1. 
 I enclosed my letter yesterday morning, and with 
 some trepidation prepared for school. I did not go 
 till about half-past nine. Rung the bell at the school 
 door and inquired for Mr. Curtis. A lady came and 
 said she would show me to the dressing-room, where 
 I took off my bonnet and shawl and then went up 
 stairs. "Aunty s many boys and girls" were all 
 assembled in formidable array, but I was very much 
 pleased indeed with the aspect of the scholars. The 
 other assistant is very precise, and proper, and judic 
 ious, and good, and altogether a very exemplary per 
 son. I trust we shall harmonize admirably, being 
 entirely unlike each other. Mr. Capron is very good- 
 looking, what there is of him, but he is small, wears 
 whiskers and glasses. I don t know much about him 
 yet, of course. Miss Hooker is the old teacher who 
 is staying here a week. I like her very much indeed, 
 and wish she were going to stay. We did not have 
 any recitations, the time being occupied in arranging 
 and organizing. I am to have three classes in Gram 
 mar, one in History, and two in Latin. Most of last 
 evening I spent lying on the lounge now trembling 
 at the thought of my next day s recitations, now 
 laughing at the mathematical and correct assistant, 
 now wondering how Mr. Curtis will turn out, and so 
 on in a variety of equally interesting and important 
 ruminations. The school-room is a particularly large, 
 cool, and airy room, and everything about the building
 
 TEACHING 71 
 
 seems convenient and comfortable, and as if people 
 were interested and spent their money freely. My 
 health is, I think, perfectly reestablished, only this 
 excessively debilitating weather does not make me 
 feel very energetic. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 7. 
 
 If I survive till next Monday, I think you may 
 safely conclude that I shall live out my day and 
 generation. It is warm, warmer, warmest it is hot, 
 hotter, hottest. I am evaporating as fast as possible. 
 I have not been to the post-office since I came here, 
 and have not written to anybody but you. It has 
 been so hot that I could not. The excitement of the 
 school has been enough without any extra labor 
 good-by. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 15. 
 
 To go from Miss Crocker to him is like going from 
 well, I don t exactly know what it is like it is 
 going from one who ignores your existence to one 
 who feels that you are worth at least a three-cent 
 piece. My only trouble is that I know I shall not be 
 what he expects me. He seems to look upon me as 
 if sent directly from Heaven, but don t pray say this 
 to anybody, because it would sound so silly. I am 
 sure he thinks I am going to be and do a great deal 
 more than I am. However, I shall certainly do my 
 best. I will, however, just tell you that my principal 
 said to me to-night after I had been helping make out 
 his roll-books, that he wished he could be of as much 
 worth to me as he foresaw I was going to be to him. 
 I am exceedingly sorry that I was not present last 
 evening, as the subject of slavery was discussed with 
 some warmth lasting till half-past eleven.
 
 72 t^AIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 OCTOBER 6. 
 
 I am low-spirited to-night, lower than the Con 
 necticut river before the rains came, lower than Frank 
 Pierce when he was signing the Nebraska Bill, lower 
 than an Englishman in November, shockingly, gloom 
 ily, desperately low-spirited. I dare say this you 
 will consider the very worst of reasons for writing to 
 you who have such a penchant for happy faces ; never 
 theless because my thoughts turn yearningly to you- 
 ward, and because I make a point of yielding to my 
 moods and tenses, here I um. Now lest you think I 
 am growing sentimental, let me tell you of the disas 
 ters that have been heaped upon my devoted head, 
 and see if they are not enough to make " L Allegro " 
 himself low-spirited. In the first place I tumbled down 
 stairs and broke my neck a week ago to-day, or as 
 that is rather a bold assertion, considering I am not 
 employing an amanuensis, I might modify it some 
 what by saying that it was not my neck that was 
 broken but my foot, and that was not broken, I hope, 
 but sprained. In my riotous joy at being let out from 
 school, I always jump over the last three stairs or 
 so at the High School. This time, being especially 
 "glorious," as Burns says, I forget that the elasticity 
 of my soul might not have communicated itself to my 
 soles; I bounded over from five to fifteen I have 
 forgotten the number exactly and instead of com 
 ing down like a cat as I ought, on both feet, the whole 
 force was concentred in one, which very naturally 
 gave way, consequently for several days I could not 
 walk a step, and even now my gait is a cross between 
 a shuffle and a hop. All this time I have loco-mo ted 
 with every bone, muscle, fibre, joint, nerve, and 
 sinew in my body except the right ones, till I am all un-
 
 TEACHING 73 
 
 hinged, unjointed, unoiled, and in a snappy, squeaky, 
 creaky condition pitiable to behold. Secondly, my 
 under lip, in a fit of disgust at the course things were 
 taking, began to pout yesterday in the most approved 
 style, and after increasing to about six times its usual 
 size is energetically blossoming out a cold-sore. This 
 you know always imparts a very decided and agree 
 able tone to one s physiognomy. Thirdly, I have 
 and have had all day and a part of yesterday, a 
 ranting, rollicking, raving, raging toothache, a cease 
 less, merciless, inexorable thump, thump, thump. 
 Now without going farther into the detail of my dis 
 tresses, have not I made out a case? And do you 
 wonder that " Life is as tedious as a twice-told 
 tale " ? Oh ! for a dentist, yet I don t know that he 
 could give me any relief, for two have made a des 
 perate assault on my poor tooth before, and been 
 obliged to raise the siege. Don t wonder if my 
 similies smack of battle, for I have a class of loyal 
 boys who wax enthusiastic every day over Yankee 
 prowess and British pusillanimity, as displa} 7 ed in our 
 impartial American histories. I have studied about 
 wars and rumors of wars, till I have become quite 
 pugilistic myself. Did you ever teach boys? I can 
 not tell you how strange it seemed to me at first. 
 Great burly fellows ; they poured into the recitation 
 room the first day, coming down upon me like a 
 seventy-four-gun ship till I almost gasped for breath. 
 They frightened me out of my senses. I walked 
 about in a dream the first week. They seemed so 
 like men. Every time one of them rose to answer 
 me, it seemed to me as if he was going to make a 
 speech. For a little while I thought I had mistaken 
 my calling and looked forward to Thanksgiving with
 
 74 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 inexpressible longings, but I am now fain to say that 
 these boys have diminished very perceptibly in size 
 and numbers and, taken together, are really a very 
 gentlemanly set, though I find them in their classes 
 much more restless than girls, or perhaps it is be 
 cause when they do move they make more noise about 
 it than girls. The high school house is a fine large 
 three-story brick building, classical department on 
 the first floor, general assembly room on the second, 
 gymnasium on the third, laboratory, dressing-rooms, 
 etc., in the basement. Everything is entirely different 
 from any private school I was ever in, though I can 
 not tell the reason why. There seems to be much 
 more machinery. There are five teachers, three 
 gentlemen, one lady, and Abby Dodge, all excellent 
 in their way. Did you know that the teachers have 
 to be examined ? What an idea ! They thought they 
 were going to examine me, but they didn t. I told 
 Mr. Curtis in Boston that I would not be examined. 
 I repeated it in Hartford with an emphasis. He 
 called with the other teacher at my boarding-house, 
 was to take us both to the " Fathers of the School " 
 to be tested, analyzed, twenty-five per cent. Arith 
 metic, fifteen ditto Geography, etc., bottled up, labelled 
 and prepared for use. I protested. He spent half 
 an hour in reasoning and entreating. I was con 
 vinced by his argument and moved by his eloquence, 
 but at the end of all remained in statit quo ante helium 
 and parried all his shafts with the clear simple forcible 
 English declaration, " I won t go." So I didn t go, 
 so he went without me, so the committee did not have 
 the pleasure of dissecting me, so it is laid down as a 
 law for all future teachers, that if they prefer to be 
 examined by their classes, or in their classes, they
 
 TEACHING 75 
 
 can. How grateful ought all my successors to be to 
 me ! Do you think I did wrong? I did not parry or 
 evade anything. I told him I was willing to suffer 
 the penalty of the law, to go home the first morning, 
 or I could be hung if indispensable, but that one 
 solitary thing I could not, should not, and would not 
 do. I was quite willing they should come in and 
 hear my recitations every hour in the day, for every 
 day in the week. " Anyway," I have not yet repented, 
 and would do just so again. 
 
 Mrs. Cowles what a loss you, and indeed all of 
 us, have sustained in dear Celia s death. I cannot 
 tell you how much I have thought of you. I cannot 
 and do not wish to think of her as dead. It seems 
 to me I shall always be better for having known her, 
 at least I shall have more confidence in human good 
 ness. Sometimes I am afraid I did wrong in leaving 
 you, but you don t think so, do you ? And if all my 
 anxieties are needless, it will be well, funn} , to 
 say the least. Notwithstanding all my, everything 
 in short, do believe that I am not ungrateful for the 
 kindness of years, words do not trip like nimble 
 servitors to do my will, but I none the less remember 
 the past and shall bear it in my heart forever. I 
 have such a cosy little room all by myself. I should 
 like to have a " nice " chat with you in it this evening. 
 
 HARTFORD, CT., October 21, 1854. 
 I wentchestnuttingwith a party last Saturday, drove 
 someseveu or eight miles out of town. Did not get a 
 great many chestnuts, but had a grand time. The 
 men built a fire and made a great kettle full of coffee 
 in the woods. The ladies spread a tablecloth and we 
 had a sumptuous dinner. I went part of the way in
 
 76 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the carriage of Mr. Gillette, the new Member of Con 
 gress from Connecticut, with himself and wife, though 
 I did not know at the time that he was the M.C. I 
 do not think I am in school any more hours than is 
 customary. At Ipswich I used generally to go down 
 at eight A.M., and stayed as long as I do here. At 
 Miss Crocker s, to be sure, I was out much more than 
 now, but it is not customary. I like here very much 
 indeed. Never enjoyed myself more. My boardiug- 
 place is very pleasant and quite homelike. They are 
 very kind and do a great deal to make me comfort 
 able. I have plenty of callers, but have not yet 
 returned many calls on account of my lameness. Mr. 
 Curtis is very kind indeed, and does a great deal to 
 smooth away all the difficulties. As you take the 
 " Tribune " you have probably read letters from Paris 
 signed Au revoir." They are written by a Mrs. 
 Hitchcock, formerly Miss Stephens, who was a teacher 
 iu the same school where I am now at the time Rev. 
 Thomas Beecher was Principal. 
 
 RECITATION-ROOM, HARTFORD HIGH SCHOOL, 
 
 Friday, December 8, 1854. 
 
 DEAR " OLD FOLKS AT HOME" : I suppose you will 
 be glad to hear from me, though it be only with a lead- 
 pencil. We all arrived safely in Boston, baggage, 
 etc. By and by a gentleman, who had been stand 
 ing by the stove, came and sat down on the same seat 
 with me and we presently entered into conversation, 
 he, of course, taking the lead. We talked of a great 
 many things, Russian war and those general subjects 
 disputed a great deal. He was very pleasant, and 
 made the time pass away very agreeably. It was 
 after ten o clock before we got here and when I got
 
 TEACHING 77 
 
 out of the coach to go into the house I went half 
 under iu a great snow bank, and what with a lame 
 foot and a lame hand it was as much as I could do to 
 get out. When I went into school Tuesday morning 
 it had begun. I took my seat as usual. I don t 
 think anybody noticed my hand, as it was concealed 
 by the desk, and Mr. Curtis was conducting devo 
 tional exercises, but after that was through he began 
 to talk about matters and things, and then chanced 
 to see my wrapped-up member " Hurt your hand? " 
 I said nothing, and after a moment s silence we both 
 burst into a laugh. The girls and boys kept asking 
 me what ailed my hand ; some I told one thing and 
 some another, that I scalded it when I was out skat 
 ing, that it was cold and I wrapped it up to keep it 
 warm, that I had an invitation to a wedding and 
 wanted to make it white, etc. One of my boys gave 
 me a beautiful pearl-handled, two-bladed penknife, 
 something like the one in my writing-desk, for a 
 Thanksgiving present, he said. Tuesday we did not 
 have any recitations. Henry "Ward Beecher was 
 engaged to lecture Monday evening, but the train was 
 delayed, much to my delight, I must say, till ten 
 o clock at night ; consequently the lecture was put 
 over till Wednesday evening, and Mrs. O. and I went 
 out to hear him. There were a great many there. I 
 was very much pleased, but still disappointed, not so 
 carried away as I expected to be, perfectly calm all 
 the time. Last evening we were all invited to Mr. 
 John Olmsted s. It is the first time I have been 
 there and I enjoyed it much. Their parlors are the 
 cosiest, most homelike I have seen in Hartford, full 
 of books, pictures, nooks, and corners. They are 
 very cordial. I am to change my boarding-place on
 
 78 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 Monday. I am sorry myself to be obliged to uo and 
 shall expect to come back again with the spring, should 
 I remain in Hartford. I shall always consider this 
 one of my homes, as everything has been done to make 
 me feel at home. I am going to Asylum street, where 
 Mr. Curtis and his two brothers board. The room I 
 am to have is very pleasant, much larger and lighter 
 than the one I now occupy, French bed, drapery, 
 curtains, centre-table, bureau, etc. I dread going 
 exceedingly, that is, I mean the first of it. I wish I 
 was all there and settled. My hand is getting better 
 slowly, the swelling is nearly gone, though the colors 
 remain and will, I suppose, for some time. I am 
 going to have a fire in a fireplace in my new room. I 
 can have a stove if I want it, but I like a fireplace 
 better. My lingers and thumb feel rather achy, and 
 I must bid you good-night, hoping you are all well 
 and happy. 
 
 Affectionately. 
 
 DECEMBER 14, 1854. 
 
 MY DEAR PARENTS: I suppose likely you will be 
 glad to learn of my whereabouts. I have found 
 another very pleasant home and esteem myself par 
 ticularly fortunate in this matter. The house is on a 
 very noisy, busy, bustling street, but I scarcely hear 
 of it. The back part of the house is as quiet and 
 pleasant as need be. There is a conservatory which 
 is quite charming this cold weather. 
 
 I am attending a course of geological lectures by a 
 Dr. Boyntou, also the Institute Lectures and the Arts 
 Union, which make three series, so my time in the 
 evening is somewhat occupied. My hand is much
 
 TEACHING 79 
 
 better. I have left off the bandages. I can run up 
 stairs, too, with considerable ease. 
 
 Saturday evening. My heart has been gladdened 
 by a good long letter from you to-day which I will 
 not now stop to answer, only saying that I shall expect 
 an answer to this very soon. 
 
 JANUARY 1, 1855. 
 
 MY DEAR A. : With many good wishes I commence 
 a letter to you on this first day of the new year. The 
 bells are ringing merrily. The air is clear and cold 
 to-day and sends the blood leaping and dancing 
 through the veins. A sad day I am afraid it is to 
 many, to some because the old year has brought sor 
 row to their hearts, to others because the new year 
 has nothing but sorrow to offer. " The poor ye have 
 always with you," but this year, many who have al 
 ways lived comfortably are brought very near to want, 
 because they have been thrown out of employment. I 
 went to hear Colonel Benton, " Old Bullion," lecture 
 the other night. I see that I am drawing near the end 
 of my sheet both by the diminishing paper and the 
 increasing fatigue of my lame hand. I am almost 
 well, hand and foot, but cannot yet bear so much as 
 formerly. Trusting that the New Year upon which we 
 have entered will be one of pleasure and profit to us 
 both, bringing us higher and still higher in the scale 
 
 O ~ O O 
 
 of life, whether it leave us in this world or another, I 
 bid you, 
 
 Very affectionately, 
 
 Good-by. 
 
 JANUARY 6. 
 
 I mean to come. I won t stay another minute after 
 this term. As for wearing out my life, and soul, and
 
 80 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 brain, and lungs, in teaching and getting just enough 
 to keep body and soul together, I won t do it any 
 longer. If I stay at home I shall be some company 
 for you, and I can try for one year on Mr. Cowles 
 plan and see whether my pen may not do something 
 for me. I can at least be no worse off than I am 
 now. I have had it on my mind to write to you about 
 this for some days, as I did not know but that you 
 supposed I was getting rich with rapidity. I am glad, 
 however, that you are not deceiving yourself in this 
 respect. I have tried teaching some four years, and 
 I think it is quite time to see whether something else 
 will not be as profitable and less wearisome and wear 
 ing. Still I am not insensible to the many pleasant 
 things I shall give up with my situation here, many 
 advantages, kind friends, society, etc. I don t be 
 lieve I shall ever be more happily situated. Oh, dear, 
 how I should like to be rich, but I don t suppose I 
 ever shall be. I wonder if I am always to be in 
 such an ado about the wherewithal to eat, drink, and 
 wear. But I have said enough about this. Don t 
 imagine that it makes me unhappy, not a bit of it. I 
 am only in a worry because I don t know exactly 
 what course to take, but I am now pretty much 
 decided. 
 
 Saturday eve. After nine o clock. Long looked 
 for, come at last. Dr. Curtis has just handed me a 
 check for one hundred dollars. You may be amused 
 to hear that the other night I was walking to the lect 
 ure with Mr. C. and Mrs. "\V. I was busy with my 
 own thoughts, when suddenly I found myself all alone 
 and had not the slightest idea where I was, or how 
 far I had arone. I turned back and found that I was
 
 TEACHING 81 
 
 not so very far by the lecture room. They were 
 watching me and enjoying a hearty laugh at my 
 expense. 
 
 JANUARY 20. 
 
 You know I told you about my wearing that nine- 
 pence around my neck ; the other day one of my boys, 
 a great tall fellow, came to me and wanted me to let 
 him take the string a few moments. I was afraid he 
 was going to play some trick, as the scholars laugh a 
 good deal about my ninepence, but he said he would 
 not, and I let him take it. In a few minutes he came 
 and put it on my neck again, and I found that he had 
 put a gold dollar on by a little ring, so you see my 
 salary is already increased. 
 
 I came very near being smashed the other day up 
 in the gymnasium. Mr. Curtis, Alden, and two of 
 the scholars were up there with me after school and it 
 was nearly dark. We were in the circular swing and 
 going at full speed, when somehow or other I let go 
 my hold and went head first, striking the floor, of 
 course, with a great deal of force. The weight of the 
 blow came on the side of my head. My elbow also 
 was considerably bruised. For two or three minutes 
 it seemed as though my skull was cracked, but I guess 
 it wasn t. They were all sadly frightened, more so 
 than I was, and it was so dark they could not see, 
 and thought of course I must be faint and ran for 
 water and began to rub me and try to get me down 
 stairs, but I was soon on my feet again and snow 
 balled coming home as vigorously as any of them. 
 The swelling on my head has not quite subsided, and 
 it is a little sore ; in fact, I am sore and lame all over, 
 partly from the fall and partly from the exercise.
 
 82 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Mrs. Taylor, a sister of the Curtises, has been visit 
 ing here a few days. She is a pretty, careless, agree 
 able little woman. In fact, I think the Curtis family 
 altogether are quite remarkable. They are very 
 affectionate. Alden is a noble fellow, and so are 
 they all. 
 
 JANUARY 27, 1855. 
 
 Last evening I was called down to a game of blind- 
 man s buff which lasted from ten to eleven, after 
 which I sat in the sitting-room and read " Pendeuuis " 
 till about one, when I opened the doors that lead to 
 the conservatory, turned off the gas, and went to bed. 
 I like very much to sit up so after the rest of the 
 people are gone to bed. It is very warm and com 
 fortable. A good fire is kept in the furnace all night, 
 and it is so quiet. The conservatory opens from the 
 sitting-room by two large double glass doors which 
 are thrown open every night to let in the warm air. 
 Mr. C. was down part of the time and wanted me to 
 read aloud to him. I was half scared out of my 
 senses and stumbled breathlessly along, called half 
 my words wrong, and was heartily glad when he went 
 off to bed. 
 
 You cannot tell how dream-like everything about 
 Ipswich seems to be. I don t believe I shall ever go 
 back there to teach not for the present, at least. 
 It is so different here. My home is very pleasant. I 
 do not believe I could ever be so happy as I have 
 been in a house with boarding-school girls. I enjoy 
 my out-of-school life here more than ever before. 
 Alden Curtis is a character ; I think you would like 
 him. I should like to have you and him together a 
 little while. He is a very skilful drawer and de-
 
 TEACHING 83 
 
 signer. He engraved the portrait of Rev. O. A. Tay 
 lor which adorns, or rather forms, the frontispiece of 
 his memoirs. 
 
 SATURDAY, February 3. 
 
 You may be interested to know that I am writing 
 to you on a very pretty new portfolio which Mr. 
 Curtis has just given me. 
 
 HARTFORD, CONN., February 7, 1855. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER: You can t think how pleasant 
 everything is here. There are several families with 
 which I am becoming acquainted, and I like the school 
 vastly. I think, too, it is rather pleasant to live in 
 a city on some accounts in the winter. I have 
 attended some very fine lectures this winter, particu 
 larly one by Dr. Bethune, of Brooklyn, N.Y., on 
 " Work and Labor," and more particularly one by 
 Goo. Win. Curtis, of New York City, on u Success." 
 The latter is a young man, but I think one of the 
 most promising in the country. He is the author of 
 the " Potiphar Papers," which were first published in 
 " Putnam s Monthly," but are now collected in a book. 
 I had a letter from Augusta a day or two since, spoke 
 of father s having visited in Cambridge, etc. 
 
 I hope you clapped and cheered at Seward s reelec 
 tion. I look upon him as one of our first statesmen 
 in point of principle, good judgment, good sense, and 
 unwavering adherence to the right, as well as in point 
 of intellect. I went out to make a call on a Mrs. 
 Hooker at Nook farms about a mile and a quarter 
 from here. She is a sister of Henry Ward Beecher 
 her husband is a direct descendant of the Hooker of 
 Puritan remembrance, and is a lawyer of this city.
 
 84 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Mrs. Wingate, my landlady, went with inc. Mrs. 
 H. insisted that we should stay to tea, which we 
 did, and had a very pleasant time. Mrs. Hooker 
 gave me a dress which she had made several years 
 ago, in order to practise in at a gymnasium. It is a 
 kind of bloomer, full Turkish trousers, etc. I think 
 I shall wear it down to our gymnasium when I begin 
 to practise much. She sent us home in the evening 
 in her own carriage. Mr. Gillette, the United States 
 Senator from here, is her brother-in-law. We have 
 grand times once in a while playing blindman s buff. 
 It is a good thing to get your blood warm this cold 
 weather. I don t suppose I take so much exercise as 
 I ought. Mr. Curtis is half sick. Mr. Caprou went 
 home six weeks ago, but I am tough, as I always was. 
 Good-night. I hope you will sleep warmly and dream- 
 lessl} . I have taken to sitting up late go to bed 
 about twelve, rise after seven, and like it much. 
 Good-night again. From 
 
 Your affectionate sister, 
 
 M. A. I). 
 
 FEBRUARY 17, 1855. 
 
 MY DEAR "DADDY AND MA AM": It is Saturday 
 night, but unlike my Puritan ancestry, and not in 
 accordance with my Puritan education, my labors do 
 not cease with the going down of the sun. I have 
 just finished one piece of work, and am going to take 
 up another, but shall first take a kind of recess by 
 commencing a letter to you. You will understand 
 that by work I mean head work, not hand work. I 
 scarcely touch a needle from week s end to week s 
 end. Oh, dear ! I wish I had a negro to do my mend 
 ing for me, and take care of me and my clothes gen-
 
 TEACHING 85 
 
 erally. I was rhapsodizing on the blessings of wealth 
 yesterday to Mr. Curtis, and said if I were rich I 
 would not even comb my own hair ! " Yes," said he, 
 " I believe you. It is as much as ever you do it, 
 now you are poor." I do, however, every day. At 
 present I am very much occupied. Twelve o clock 
 scarcely ever sees me in bed. Mr. Curtis and I have 
 been talking over some old matters and things 
 says he don t know when he was more in doubt than 
 about taking me after he saw me in Boston, should 
 not have risked it if he could have found anybody 
 else, but thought Mr. and Mrs. Cowles must be per 
 sons of good sense, and trusted to that, said they had 
 spoken so very highly of me, compared me with Miss 
 Crocker, etc., and when he saw me he did not per 
 ceive anything extraordinary, and consequently so 
 much the more disappointed. He was so impertinent 
 as to say (speaking of the letters which he received 
 from various applicants) that he did not believe I 
 could write a letter which would be satisfactory to 
 him there would be some freak-ish expression in it 
 which would make him afraid, and he should want a 
 personal interview, and if he could not have it should 
 be afraid to run the risk of employing me. What 
 do you think of that? I was rather indignant. By 
 the way you wonder that I received the portfolio 
 so I will just tell you how I received it. He came 
 into my room one day, bringing it in his hand, and 
 asked me if I should have any use for it. I told him 
 no I did not want it, and should not use it. He threw 
 it across the room on the bed, and there it lay. I 
 remonstrated, and said, "Now, what did you buy 
 that for me for?" And he said, "Because I had a 
 mind to." I shall always look upon this as one of
 
 86 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 my happiest winters thanks to Miss Crocker, as if 
 she had been a little more agreeable, I might have re 
 turned there and gone ou for an indefinite period of 
 time. 
 
 FEBRUARY 25. 
 
 I called on Miss Ferry at Mrs. Perkins this P.M. 
 I made two other calls, went to the young men s 
 Institute, changed some books, looked at the " Illus 
 trated News " pictures, did a little mending, took a 
 sleigh ride, had a call from a Miss Conner, ate 
 supper, read a little, wrote a little, and have been 
 playing ever since. Last night we made molasses 
 candy tried my hand at pulling it for the first time 
 in my life. Never was such a time. Molasses all 
 stuck to my hands. When I stretched open my fingers 
 my hand looked like a duck s foot nathless, we had 
 some good candy. The others knew how to make it, 
 if I did not. It seems to me you are turning over a 
 new leaf in life, theatres and dancing-school in the 
 same week. Perhaps I ought not to say anything, at 
 least you might say so were you to see me luxuriating 
 over the wine cup. Nothing warms you up so this 
 cold weather like the juice of the grape, sweetened 
 down to my unsophisticated taste. My honored prin 
 cipal tosses it off unadulterated, but dilutes it slightly 
 when he puts the glass to my lips. 
 
 As for money, I have had nothing but charity 
 money this long time, but console myself with the 
 reflection that pay-day comes in April, when I sup 
 pose I shall have the pleasure of paying my board and 
 other bills, and have, I hope, money enough left to 
 get home with. I have given up all thought of laying 
 up money. If I spend my youth and health and 
 strength in a good cause, I trust He who provides for
 
 TEACHING 87 
 
 the ravens their food, will not give me over in my 
 gray hairs. 
 
 APRIL 2, 1855. 
 
 You will perhaps be interested and pleased to 
 know that my salary has been raised a hundred dollars 
 this spring, so that I now have five hundred a year. 
 I wonder also if you knew that last Saturday was my 
 birthday. I had a beautiful book of ballads, gilt edi 
 tion, cream-colored paper, pictures, etc., for a birth 
 day present. Drove out last Saturday into the 
 country, the first time since sleighing went away. I 
 hope you are well and happy. " Live I, so live I 
 to my Lord heartily, to my Prince faithfully, to my 
 neighbor honestly Die I, so die I." Write to me 
 about your everyday life. I hope you are not devot 
 ing yourself too closely to business. 
 
 Ever your, 
 
 Affectionate sister. 
 
 HARTFORD, CONN., May 2G, 1855. 
 I put my letter in the office to-day, so it seems 
 rather early to begin another. Nevertheless, thinking 
 you might all be enjoying yourselves at home, I take 
 the next best thins; and write 
 
 TO MY DEAR "HAWTHORNE" ON HER 
 MARRIAGE DAY. 
 
 They brought him a chalice of wroughten gold, 
 And brimmed it with southern wine 
 
 Pressed by the dark-eyed Doric girls 
 From the fruit of the Cyprian vine 
 
 The delicate leaf of a snow-white rose 
 He dropped on its glowing breast. 
 
 It fluttered and swayed in the fragrant air,
 
 88 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Then sank to its ruby rest. 
 But the goblet s brim of wroughten gold 
 
 No drop did overflow 
 So gently the Cyprian wine upbore 
 
 The rose-leaf white as snow. 
 
 Thy heart, O friend, is full of love to-night, 
 
 All quivering with its over-weight of bliss, 
 Yet mindful of the Past s evanished light 
 
 I humbly, Hawthorne, dare implore thee, this, 
 That, as I lowly kneel before thy shrine 
 
 And unto thee my humble tribute bring, 
 Thou wilt not spurn from thee this heart of mine 
 
 But kindly take the simple offering 
 So shall my love lie lightly upon thine 
 Like snow-white rose-leaf on the Cyprian wine. 
 
 You perceive I send you another of my effusions 
 saves paper, not to mention your own delight in read 
 ing it. This is the one I intend to send. 
 
 I, last night, had the pleasure of seeing an eel for 
 the first time in my life. I was walking away off out 
 of the city and saw some little boys fishing asked 
 them what kind of fish they caught and they said eels. 
 So I waited a few minutes, and up came one wriggl 
 ing and writhing, poor fellow, but they soon cut his 
 head off, and put an end to his troubles. A little 
 farther on were some Germans men, women, and 
 children out doors having a real "old country " good 
 time. The men were shooting, the women talk 
 ing, knitting, etc. They seemed to be enjoying it 
 vastly. Foreigners live in the open air much more 
 than we Americans. 
 
 JUNE 7. 
 
 Last night I went to the annual meeting of the 
 Colonization Society. Mr. Orcutt is agent for it. 
 This, you may perhaps know, is a society for sending
 
 TEACHING 89 
 
 blacks to Liberia in Africa, where they have a Re 
 public with a President, Legislature, etc., all in due 
 form, composed entirely of negroes. The position 
 of the black man there is of course entirely different 
 from what it is here and gives him an opportunity to 
 rise in the social scale. The meeting was addressed 
 by Governor, who is also Rev. Mr. Binney, who has 
 just returned from a visit to Liberia. He has been 
 staying at our house, and is an agreeable man. He 
 spoke of several negroes who went there from Hart 
 ford. One of them who went about ten years ago 
 sent word by Mr. B., to his friends in H., that he 
 would not sell his farm there for ten thousand dollars. 
 Mr. B. said he saw some of the finest coffee farms 
 there that he had ever seen in his life. The trees 
 produced ten and fifteen pounds of coffee apiece. In 
 the West Indies, the average produce of each tree is 
 a pound and a half, and four pounds is considered a 
 great yield. His remarks were very interesting, and 
 rendered more so by his easy and fluent style of 
 address. 
 
 JUNE 12, 1855. 
 
 You need not be alarmed about my ruining my 
 health by sitting up late at night. I can scarcely keep 
 my eyes open till ten o clock. I go to bed early and 
 often do not rise till half-past six. I need more sleep 
 than I did before I came here. My whole nervous 
 system is so exhausted at night that I need all the 
 recuperative power of sleep which I can get. 
 
 JUNE 15. 
 
 I bought some black lace, and have made my old 
 mantilla all over again, turned and trimmed it and 
 finished it by noon, don t you think I am growing
 
 90 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 smart? It looks better than when new, I think. I 
 wish when you see Dr. Kittreclge you would ask him 
 whether it would do any good to continue to apply lo 
 my foot what he gave me. It troubles me very much, 
 that is, not the foot itself, but the whole limb above 
 it. I think it is only weariness, as Sundays and Mon 
 days it seems to be as well as usual, but by Tuesday 
 it begins to grow tired and toward the last of the 
 week I really don t know what to do with it. It is 
 not actual pain, but such a tired, achy, nervous feel 
 ing. 
 
 I have been reading a book called " Chemistry of 
 Common Life," in which some facts are stated which 
 rather surprised me ; for instance that our common 
 wheat bread is nearly half water, and that old stale 
 bread is really no drier than new, that is, it contains 
 just as much water a proof of this is that if you 
 put a stale loaf into a closely covered tin, expose for 
 half an hour or an hour to a heat about the same as 
 that of boiling water, then remove the tin and allow 
 it to cool, the loaf will be just as good as new. I 
 should like to have you try it some time. I should 
 think it would be very convenient, particularly in the 
 summer. Did you know also that the shells of eggs 
 are full of little holes by which the air gets in and 
 feeds the little chicken and also makes the eggs 
 decay so that if you rub the fresh egg over with 
 fat, it will keep to an indefinite length of time ? 
 When you boil meat, do you plunge it into hot water, 
 or put it in the cold and let them all heat together? 
 
 Miss Crocker s graduating ceremonies are to be to 
 night. I hardly think I shall go. Professor Silliman 
 is to address them of Yale College. One of my 
 boys brought me, I should think, nearly two quarts
 
 TEACHING 91 
 
 of cherries the other day, all strung on a stick with a 
 kind of hook at the end of it, so that they looked like 
 one solid cluster, and rich enough they were. I at 
 tended the exercises at the Centre Church Thursday 
 evening, as Mrs. Wingate wished very much that I 
 should go. The house was crowded, the lecture not 
 particularly interesting, and rather long. Twelve 
 young ladies received diplomas, among whom was 
 Lizzy Hale, John P. Male s daughter. They looked 
 very pretty, all of them, in white dresses and plenty of 
 flowers. 
 
 JULY 9. 
 
 Saturday here was a rainy day. I read the greater 
 part of the time, ironed rny muslin dress, took a two 
 hours nap after dinner, embroidered a little, mended 
 a little, went up street about four o clock and bought 
 a pound of candy, which was all gone the next morn 
 ing, except three little balls. Mrs. Perkins called on 
 me after tea, and brought a long letter for me to read 
 which she had received from Mrs. Hall, informing her 
 of the circumstances of her bridal tour. Among other 
 things, she said that while they were at Quebec, one 
 of the largest cities in Canada, the Lord Mayor had a 
 banquet at the hotel where they were. About eight 
 o clock Mr. Hall and Mr. Holton, a gentleman who was 
 travelling with them, thought they would go down and 
 take a look at the company for a few minutes ; Amanda 
 stayed behind. They did not return till eleven 
 o clock, and it seems that while they were standing at 
 the door among a number of others, the Lord Mayor 
 noticed them, sent a message to them. They were 
 brought and introduced to him, and were invited to 
 take seats at the table as guests from the United States. 
 Soon after they were seated, a toast was given com-
 
 92 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 plimentary to the Union, and Mr. Holton replied very 
 ably and was much applauded. Mrs. Hall says they 
 passed everywhere for old married people, and one 
 lady, after a few hours acquaintance, asked her if she 
 left any children at home. 
 
 School closes in about three weeks. Be ready for 
 me any time, by which I do not mean, cook a whole 
 houseful of provisions. I want plenty of bread and 
 milk, currants and berries and lemonade, but no cake 
 or meat or anything of the kind, so I beg you not to 
 waste your strength in vain and unprofitable laboring 
 for the meat that perisheth. 
 
 HAMILTON*, August 9, 1855. 
 
 Really, Mr. T. W. T. C., in the first burst of in 
 dignation, I had a great mind to take your letter down 
 to the minister s and have it " read to the church," 
 then, considering that the novelty of the thing might 
 be considered incompatible with the sacredncss of a 
 house of worship, I concluded to content myself with 
 putting it into the publishing-box. By the time I had 
 ascertained that that interesting relic was a relic only, 
 my temperature had subsided, and I laid the offending 
 document quietly in my portfolio. I do not know but 
 that your digest of epistolary laws may be quite just 
 and strictly constitution:il, yet I may as well frankly 
 confess that 1 have always broken through them. I 
 think I have not in my possession a single letter, ex 
 cept yours, of which my good mother has not heard 
 or read a part or a whole. I do not think my corre 
 spondents have generally or ever taken umbrage 
 thereat, though I think it a fact of which they are all 
 aware. Do you remember what a tempest there was 
 that evening? There wasn t any where I was, but it
 
 TEACHING 93 
 
 looked as though there would be one, and the pre 
 monitory symptoms are to me much more agreeable 
 than the "in median res." I like the darkness, the 
 blackness, the flashes in the rough, terrific clouds that 
 precede, but when it has all expanded into one great 
 gray sky, it becomes commonplace, and the beauty is 
 all on the earth. Mary Olmsted and I went out one 
 evening to walk up and down the street, bare-headed, 
 as is the wont of the dwellers on that street. We 
 had only reached Chapel street when a woman leaped 
 from her place of ambush, and tried to get us into her 
 house to hear her daughter, or niece, or somebody 
 sing. We resisted manfully. I struggled to the last 
 the idea of my holding coroner s inquest on the 
 body of a singer. Her voluble tongue at last proved 
 too strong for my wearied organ, so I dragged my 
 reluctant feet parlor- ward. Miss began. I sat 
 close by Man" O. and " took my cue from her. If 
 she said " sweet," I said "charming." If she pro 
 nounced it " beautiful," I echoed " elegant." If it 
 struck her as " sublime," it produced upon me an 
 equal impression of " grandeur." I flatter myself 
 that my diplomacy was successful eminently. I have 
 no doubt that when I was permitted to depart, I left 
 behind me the enviable reputation of a musical con 
 noisseur. 
 
 Now I am at home, " Hamilton and Weuham " 
 staring me full in the face, I was never so in love 
 with it in my life ; I mean with this particular part of 
 it. I have a kind of personal love for this earth ; such 
 a dear, good old mother she seems to us all ; such 
 a great, round, green, rich, luxuriant, voluptuous, 
 dewy, dreamy, liquid, moonlit earth. Never was 
 there such a wealth of beauty in landscape and sky-
 
 94 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 scape, such fulness of outline and richness of coloring, 
 such sunset and starlight, such freshness of life. 
 
 I am riding horseback, too, notwithstanding your 
 ridicule, Monsieur mon frere. Give me a good 
 horse, sir, and I will show you some equestrianism 
 that shall put you to the blush, sir. Di Vernon 
 would "hide her diminished head." I am eating 
 bread and milk, too, with a gusto that shows " I 
 give my mind to it." As for sleeping, I flatter 
 myself I do as much in that line as anybody, except 
 ing my sister, who is a very Rip Van Winkle. Do 
 you know I have adopted Greek again ? I am going 
 to study it next term. I suppose you will laugh at 
 the idea, but I assure you I used to study once, and I 
 mean to try it again for the sake of variety. 
 
 Evening. The day is done, and a day to be re 
 membered a very panorama of beauty. In the 
 morning the rain came down frantic and furious ; 
 then it died away in gentle showers, and little cool 
 drops fluttered rustlingly down, and all the blinds 
 were fringed with silver ; then the clouds rolled up and 
 sauntered over the sky together, and in the clear sun 
 shine everything looked as if it had been washed, and 
 rinsed, and clear-starched, and ironed, and put out to 
 air ; then the clouds came round again, and " "Wind, 
 the grand old Harper, smote his thunder harp of 
 pines," and we had a " Harrycane;" and in shutting 
 the windows, my clean white spencer became wet 
 through, woe is me ! then the clouds rolled themselves 
 up and trotted off again, and " far in the west in ver 
 milion and gold sank the sun to his rest." Did you 
 notice the peculiar mellow tint in which the earth 
 seemed to lie as in a battle? Now it is night, " the 
 world is in dreams and asleep, love," the stars do
 
 TEACHING 95 
 
 not sparkle, but glow, and the south wind comes to 
 me softly as a breath ; so I commission it to bear to 
 you all health and hope and happiness. I remember 
 reading from Longfellow, yesterday, where he speaks 
 of the silence of the night, how it is audible, how you 
 can hear the crumbling and falling away of the earth, 
 but the night has no such voices for me. People talk 
 very slightingly about natural religion as if it were a 
 thing to be guarded against, but I for one do not 
 believe it. I think it is just as good as revealed relig 
 ion, as far as it goes. It seems to me that God is 
 just as truly worshipped and loved through His works 
 as through His word, and they certainly speak to us 
 when other voices are hushed. I hope you are not 
 asleep while I am writing, but I dare say you are 
 "snoozing" away for dear life, and it vexes me to 
 think you are not listening to what I am saying. On 
 second thought, however, I do not blame you, for I 
 know I have written an unconscionably long letter. 
 
 There is no telling how much my dreams of bliss 
 to-day are blended with visions of the peerless mack 
 erel, the inapproachable hasty pudding, the ineffable 
 custard, the luscious doughnuts, and the gorgeous 
 "slap jacks" that have wended their devious way 
 down my unreluctant throat. I have been a very 
 gourmand to-day, with shame be it spoken. I took 
 your letter from the office and read it " under the 
 shade of the broad-spreading beech tree," in the most 
 romantic-looking place in the world, with the most 
 pastoral of COAVS grazing around me, and the most mu 
 sical of birds above me. What could you ask more? 
 Good night. To all that I can do for you by word or 
 deed, in earth or heaven, you are a thousand times 
 welcome alas that it is so little, I can ask for you
 
 9G GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 nothing which I have not asked before. If earnest 
 wishes could avail aught, life should be to you only 
 " a sunny spot of greenery." Yet though clouds and 
 darkness should be around, he shall be kept in perfect 
 peace whose soul is stayed on God. I have far more 
 need of your prayers than you of mine. Your foun 
 dation is sure, but mine is rocked by every breeze. 
 God help me. I was born with my fingers all thumbs, 
 and I do everything in such a left-handed way, and 
 everything I say, though it starts from my heart all 
 right, is topsy-turvy by the time it gets to my tongue, 
 so when I open my mouth to drop pearls and dia 
 monds, out leap the hideous frogs and toads. Pity 
 me, do ! I am a wonder to myself. 
 
 I am going to take a long walk through the woods 
 to carry this letter and another to the P. O. Don t 
 you think I have improved in the matter of chirogra- 
 phy? I think my hand-writing is so elegantly femi 
 nine. Good-by. 
 
 Very truly, etc., 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 MY DEAR: On the morning of June 18 I went to 
 Boston, to the Fitchburg depot, and amused myself 
 with an "Atlantic" till the train started. At that 
 moment Miss Tal ant came in, and rode to the next 
 station with me. After she got out at Porter s, I 
 proceeded to Concord. Rose Hawthorne met me at 
 the station, and I was cordially welcomed. A very 
 urgent invitation to attend class-meeting the next day 
 from a Mr. Higginson, awaited. Mrs. Hawthorne 
 did not care to go, but would go if I would like it. 
 As I had been the year before, I did not care to go 
 again, so Una, the oldest daughter, went and we
 
 TEACHING 97 
 
 stayed at home. Thursday evening, Emerson, William 
 Ellery Channing, and " Conversation Alcott " and his 
 daughter called. Emerson and Alcott occupied me the 
 most of the evening. Emerson has the sweetest smile 
 possible, is very courteous, speaks slowly but dis 
 tinctly. We did not get very near each other, how 
 ever. One hardly can in a room, and with listeners. 
 Mr. Alcott is an older, white-headed, tall man lives 
 next house to Hawthorne s. After they were gone, 
 Mr. H. took out his watch, and with an indescribable 
 look towards me, said, Only half-past nine, and we 
 have been through all this siege." Friday, Mr. and 
 Mrs. H. and I rambled through the woods to the old 
 Manse, Concord Bridge, battle-ground, through the 
 village, etc. Saturday, Mr. H., Una, and I walked 
 to Walden in the morning, went to Mr. Emerson s on 
 the way to get his oars and thole-pins. The philoso 
 pher took us out into the barn, and climbed over old 
 sleighs and wagons, dug down under old boards, 
 brought up one rusty thole-pin, one short oar and 
 one long one, and transmitted us through the back 
 bars to Walden. His sister-iu-law told me after 
 wards that she asked him when he came in if he had 
 been shutting Gail Hamilton up in the cow-yard, as 
 she saw him putting up the bars. We had a charm 
 ing walk to Walden Pond, surrounded by trees, with 
 a railroad cutting one corner of it. All that is left 
 of Thoreau s house is a little pulverized brick and 
 coal. The boat we found, but padlocked to a tree ; 
 the oars, stool, thole-pins, and everything locked 
 down. We lamented the iuhospitality of the owner, 
 and Hawthorne said, " Miss Dodge, get into the boat 
 and sit down on this seat. Perhaps he wouldn t like 
 it ! " After walking half way around the pond and
 
 98 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 sitting on the grass, and talking and listening, we 
 discovered another boat at another landing, which 
 proved to be Emerson s, and which we accordingly 
 upset to get the water out, and then manned and 
 rowed around to our heart s content. That is, they 
 rowed and I enjoyed, and then we walked home an 
 other way through the woods. At five o clock Mr. 
 Frank Sauborn came by appointment with his wife 
 and a friend, and a carriage, and took me to Mr. 
 Channing s back-yard, where we entered Mr. Sanboru s 
 boat, and he rowed us up Concord river through the 
 trees and the birds and the sunset, and it was very 
 beautiful. Frank Sanborn is the one whom there was 
 such an ado about in the John Brown times. The 
 Senate wanted him for a witness, and he would not 
 go. The two officers took him by force, and tried to 
 put him into the carriage, but he braced his two long, 
 strong legs against the carriage, and they had to give 
 it up. The people around there hid him, and he never 
 went, I believe. Miss Elizabeth Hoar spent the even 
 ing with us. She is one of your lay angels. 
 
 I really want to do something in the 
 
 world, that it may be the better for my having lived 
 in it. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 22. 
 
 I have been reading " My Bondage and my 
 Freedom " by Fred. Douglass. It is worth reading. 
 I think him an extraordinary man. I have also read 
 " Sydney Smith s Memoir," by his daughter, which I 
 also recommend to your kind notice and considera 
 tion. I have bought a " Hallam s Introduction to the 
 Literature of Europe," in two volumes, have sent for 
 Pascal s " Provincial Letters," Percy s " Reliques of 
 English Ballads," and Ellis " Specimens of Ancient
 
 TEACHING 99 
 
 Metrical Romances," all of which I shall be very glad 
 to submit to your judgment when the time shall come. 
 I walk out almost every morning before breakfast. 
 My health is excellent, appetite ravenous. Sweet 
 potatoes disappear with marvellous rapidit} 7 . Have a 
 quarter of a dollar in my drawer and defy the world. 
 I have all the comforts and privileges of a home. My 
 scholars like me. In fact, I think almost everybody 
 likes me, so if you are all happy and well-to-do at 
 home, you need not fret about me. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 27. 
 
 Mr. Orcutt was in to see me to-night. He has been 
 up from New Haven to-day, but returns to-night. 
 They will probably come back again in about a fort 
 night. Mr. Beadle came to see me the other day at 
 the school-house, that is, he came into Mr. Tucker s 
 and Miss Hunt s class. I asked him to come into 
 my recitation room to see me, as I had no recitation 
 that hour, so we had a quiet little chit-chat. He said 
 that he wanted me to board with him last winter, that 
 he took a liking to me from tho very first, and had a 
 great mind to propose it to me, but was afraid I 
 should think him officious. He said they had a little 
 room which they would have fitted up for me like a 
 princess, and many other things, etc. I declare ! do 
 you suppose he was flattering me? I had a thought 
 to that effect, for I don t see how all he said can be 
 true, but then he is a good Orthodox minister. 
 
 OCTOBER 5. 
 
 I cannot refrain from informing you of the impor 
 tant business I have been concerned in to-day, which 
 is no less than trimming my new bonnet. Yes, I
 
 100 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 have done it all myself, lined, trimmed outside and 
 in, and I think you would say it is prettier than the 
 one I had a year ago which cost about five dollars, and 
 this only ninety cents in nil. I like it much better. 
 
 I was going to drive to-day with Charlotte Davis, 
 but it was so very muddy her father thought we 
 would better not go. It was quite fortunate we did 
 not, as it has been rainy ever since ten o clock. We 
 have had a grand time at home. The Curtises, take 
 them together, are as unique a family as I ever saw 
 in my Ir/e. I have laughed and cried half the even 
 ing over " nuts and cider," etc. Mrs. Pillsbury in 
 particular, the one who lives in New York, is a droll 
 little body. Agnes I like very well. I think she 
 will be a very useful and pleasant girl to have in the 
 family. 
 
 OCTOBER 20. 
 
 Last Thursday eve. I found Charlotte Davis in my 
 room on my return from school, and so walked home 
 with her, and was entertained with fruit, etc. That 
 evening I found some beautiful little rosebuds on my 
 pillow which I put in water. They opened, and still 
 rejoice my delighted nose. The next evening I sent 
 her a little note, should you like to read it? "Well, I 
 think I will copy it and send it to you : 
 
 TO YOU IF YOU UNDERSTAND THEM. 
 Roses budding and blushing 
 
 When " the skies are ashen and sober," 
 June s young fingers wreathing 
 
 The swart brows of October 
 The dewy light of the morning 
 
 Gilding the evening hours 
 Age bright with the smiles of life s dawning 
 
 So whisper to me your flowers.
 
 TEACHING 101 
 
 Childhood s mysterious slumbers, 
 
 Wonderful, dreamy, deep 
 Before the gaunt fingers of care 
 
 Have plucked at the robes of sleep 
 Faint notes of a distant lyre 
 
 Struck by an unseen hand, 
 Vaguely remembered journey ings 
 
 Into a far-off land 
 Over the sunset hills, 
 
 Over the ocean billow, 
 Such are their whispers to me 
 
 The flowers you strewed on my pillow. 
 
 I accept the omen, and pray 
 
 That their warm and roseate hue 
 May be but a beautiful symbol 
 
 Of the future that waiteth for you 
 That their purity, fragrance, and sweetness 
 
 May circle your life till it closes 
 And we trace out your path to the heavens 
 
 My love, by the scent of the roses. 
 
 How do you like it? 
 
 Last night, being in rather low spirits, and in fact 
 having been so for several days, I took it into my 
 head to go over to Mr. Beadle s, and see if they could 
 not comfort me up. I found them both at home and 
 told them in the first place what 1 had come for. 
 They were inexpressibly kind. Mr. B. sat down on 
 one side of me, and Mrs. B. on the other, and talked, 
 and laughed, and consoled till 1 felt "better now." 
 Mr. B. offered me everything he had, told me to come 
 there whenever I wanted to pass a pleasant hour, to 
 eat, drink, or sleep, or anything I liked, and to con 
 sider it a home. From there I went to Mr. Olmsted s to 
 tea, and had a pleasant time as usual. This morning 
 Mr. Beadle came down to my school room to see me. 
 He stayed during part of a recitation, and as he was
 
 102 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 going out said to me quietly in an undertone that 
 from the appearance of my recitation room, he judged 
 the sun rose clear this morning. Did I tell you that 
 Mr. Capron, the gentleman I met in Providence, and 
 who once taught here, is engaged to Miss Hooker, my 
 predecessor? It is a great secret, though everybody 
 knows it. Some think he is too good for her, others 
 that she is too good for him. Mr. Curtis thinks it a 
 grand match. 
 
 Somebody said the other day that I was pretty, and 
 somebody else said to-day that I was interesting- 
 looking. There, now, beat that if you can ! How 
 fares it with your infant scholars ? Don t take them. 
 I shall give up teaching here before long, likely 
 enough, and then we will go West together and found 
 an Institute that shall astonish the world. 
 
 Miss Hooker, of whom I spoke in my last letter, 
 was here an hour or so. She is a very interesting 
 woman. Is in some expectation of going to the Ar 
 menians where Helen Worcester, now Mrs. Pollard, 
 is going, and will very likely be acquainted with her. 
 She has promised to talk with her about me should 
 such be the case. She will not go, however, till next 
 year. 
 
 OCTOBER 27, 1855. 
 
 I read the report of Edward Everett s speech, which 
 was very fine. We had a State Fair here about three 
 weeks ago. It lasted four days, three of which we 
 had no school. I went one day. There were thirty 
 acres of land fenced off about three miles out of the 
 city. We went down in a kind of cart with rude 
 seats brim full. It was the first time I was ever at a 
 fair, and I was quite interested, though I should not
 
 TEACHING 103 
 
 have gone but for the intervention of others. I saw 
 a cucumber some five feet long, squashes that weighed 
 one hundred and sixty pounds produced from one 
 seed, grapes, apples, pears, etc., in tempting variety. 
 I was also considerably interested in the horse racing. 
 There were some of the finest horses I ever saw, and 
 they flew over the ground like birds. Last Saturday 
 I went to Newington, where one of my scholars lives. 
 His father is a farmer with some three hundred acres 
 of land. One acre he told me produced one hundred 
 bushels of corn I had a very pleasant visit. He 
 rowed me round in a boat nearly two hours the 
 pond or river winds about among the grand old woods, 
 and the trees, in robes of scarlet and gold, seemed to 
 be holding high carnival. I came home loaded with 
 berries, apples, leaves, etc. We are living here very 
 cosily by ourselves, "keeping house." You know 
 Mr. Curtis is married. His wife is a gentle and lovely 
 woman. As for the vanity of the world you must 
 remember that though " all is not gold that glitters," 
 yet a great deal that does glitter is gold. Because 
 you see a woman ill-dressed, you do not necessarily 
 suppose her to be a fool, neither should you deem a 
 lady elegantly dressed necessarily one. Many a one 
 in velvet and satin thinks less of dress than some in 
 calico and linsey woolsey. 
 
 DECEMBER. 1855. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : I suppose by this time you 
 have received our joint letter giving a brief account 
 of our Thanksgiving festival, which, pleasant as it 
 was, would have been still pleasauter had our family 
 circle been complete. There are few stronger ties 
 than those that bind members of the same family
 
 104 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 "... who played 
 
 Beneath the same green tree, 
 Whose voices mingled as they prayed 
 Around one parent knee," 
 
 and they will bear much stretching before breaking, 
 but nothing will so polish the links of the chain as 
 constant little acts of kindness, showing a thoughtful 
 consideration. The older I grow, the move firmly 
 do I believe 1 hat. Christianity, fully developed, will 
 not be revealed in signs and wonders, but in the 
 peace and love and harmony that will make the whole 
 world one great family, and all the nations but as 
 children around one hearth-stone. Let us both never 
 cease to press forward towards the mark for the prize 
 of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. It is but 
 a little way at the longest to that other world where we 
 hope to have fewer clogs to our onward going, and 
 where we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as 
 He is. The time of "Peace on earth and good will 
 to men " does not seem to have come yet. Wars and 
 rumors of wars show that man is not yet ready for the 
 millennium. I watch with much interest the accounts 
 from Kansas and from Washington. If Slavery 
 triumphs in this contest, I shall lose heart and hope, 
 not losing faith in the ultimate triumph of Free 
 dom, but only fearing that our beloved country may 
 not be the chosen scene for so glorious a victory. 
 God speed the right! If I should tell you I had 
 ordered a white satin bonnet with feathers and flowers, 
 would you think I was utterly given up to the vanity 
 of the world? We are having the most delightfully 
 mild, sunshiny weather, not at all like our New Eng 
 land winter. I have been quite comfortable in my 
 room without a fire. Mr. Curtis has just brought me
 
 TEACHING 105 
 
 in a clipper of sweet cider, wherewith I drink your 
 health. We had plenty of it at home. 
 
 I must tell you first a little event which has this 
 minute come to a conclusion. You have heard me 
 speak of Agnes. She is a very fine girl, an uncom 
 monly respectable girl about my own age, a great 
 singer, with not an overabundant stock of pecuniary 
 means. I heard her saying the other day how much 
 she wanted a " Plymouth Collection/ which is Henry 
 Ward Beecher s new Hymn Book, so I thought I 
 would give myself the pleasure of surprising her, and 
 bought one. Do you want to know what I wrote in 
 it? Well, here it is. I don t suppose you will care 
 much about it, but I will run the risk. 
 
 i pray not that the years may pass 
 
 Unnoticed o er thy brow, 
 That the burden of life may never weigh 
 
 More heavily than now. 
 Twere wishing the pulse of a selfish heart 
 
 Or the sloth of a sluggard brain, 
 For the careless joy of thy childhood hours 
 
 Shall never return again. 
 And the mind that thinks and the heart that feels 
 
 Bears ever a secret pain. 
 We must pass from the mystery of to-day 
 
 "With a pang of nameless sorrow, 
 Into the greater mystery 
 
 Of the unrevealed to-morrow. 
 
 Nor do I pray that thine onward way 
 
 Shall demand no earnest toil, 
 For how can he reap in the harvest time 
 
 Who has never prepared the soil? 
 Or the cry of a wailing world be hushed 
 
 By sitting in silence down 
 Or they \vho have never borne the cross 
 
 Be fitted to wear the crown?
 
 106 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Nay, thy strength sluill wane, and thy light grow dim, 
 
 If thy soul at ease reposes, 
 For the stout of heart and the strong of limb 
 
 Rest not on a bed of roses. 
 
 But I pray, Agnes, that thy life may flow 
 
 Harmoniously along, 
 Like the grand and perfect symphony 
 
 Of a noble and stirring song. 
 That thine earnest work and thine earnest rest 
 
 Thy joy and thy woe may be 
 Commingled in a choral tide 
 
 Of spirit-full melody. 
 And thy voice attuned mid many tears 
 
 In the darkness of Earth s long even, 
 King out with the rapture of new-found bliss 
 
 In the glorious dawn of Heaven. 
 
 JANUARY 12, 1856. 
 
 Yesterday noon I took my carpet sack and went to 
 Meriden. This morning as I was sitting on the 
 lounge without any dress on, as I wore my shawl and 
 skirt for a morning dress, Dr. and Mrs. Hatch drove 
 up to the door. You must know that the said doctor 
 has taken a fancy to me ! and evinced it in very many 
 ways. I met him at a picnic when I was in M. a 
 year ago last summer. I thought, however, that at 
 this time I was not in the most advantageous circum 
 stances to keep up the impression. The room, too, 
 with the three children, their various clothes and 
 playthings, was not quite in the best order, but under 
 Abby s energetic hand the things disappeared under 
 the lounge and into the kitchen with astonishing rap 
 idity. I gave one leap nearly across the room, and 
 was upstairs in the twinkling of an eye whence 
 issuing, robed and combed, I extended to Dr. Hatch
 
 TEACHING 107 
 
 as warm a welcome as was becoming, and spent a 
 cheery half hour in discussing the affairs of the nation 
 in general. 
 
 HARTFORD, CONN., January 17, 1856. 
 
 MR. BAILEY : Sir, If you are not in a mood to 
 be disturbed I beg you to take out the postage stamp 
 which I enclose with this burn the whole package, 
 and send me word immediately that you have done 
 so. Direct, if you please, to Box No. 747, Hartford, 
 Conn. 
 
 If, on the other hand, I may be allowed to occupy 
 a half hour of your valuable time allow me to say 
 at once that I desire to become a contributor to the 
 " Era," if I am worthy. It is quite useless to men 
 tion the agency of friends in inducing me to this step, 
 as you have probably heard that a thousand times, 
 and moreover all the friends in the world could not 
 move me to it against my own sweet will. Neither 
 do I write entirely for money, as at this particular 
 juncture I am tolerably well off, though an income of 
 five hundred dollars and an expenditure of one thou 
 sand will sometimes produce embarrassment. But I 
 wish to measure myself by a new standard. I have 
 been flattered from my youth up till I have perhaps 
 learned to flatter myself. May I beg that your prac 
 tised eye glance over the pages that accompany this 
 and see whether they be of sufficient merit to interest 
 your readers, or whether the hand that wrote them is 
 capable of producing anything of real worth ? 
 
 I hope I am not misunderstood. I do not ask for 
 charity, nor for a friendly judgment, but for a just one. 
 If you think the pieces worthless, you will not hesi 
 tate to say so and I promise not to drown myself
 
 108 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 thereupon. If you think they are good, but not 
 adapted to your paper, I shall be glad to know even 
 that. 
 
 If you consider them worth insertion, but not worth 
 remuneration, I shall be glad also and willing to send 
 more on the same terms as long as you think best 
 or as shortly. 
 
 If they are worth being paid for I shall be happy to 
 receive their market value. 
 
 I want an end and aim in life, and see no other way 
 to obtain it. 
 
 May I request an answer, even if you should decline 
 any farther communication ? 
 
 I have occasionally " rushed into print," but have 
 never made any stated engagement. The prose arti 
 cle was written more than a year ago and has been 
 seen by several persons. If you print it at all, pray 
 say nothing whatever about it, and of all things do 
 not say anything about this to anybody in public or 
 private, as my happiness in life will be blotted out 
 forever if this circumstance should ever come to the 
 eyes or ears of any of my friends. The utmost 
 secrecy is the only thing which I insist on. I should 
 be very glad to withhold my name, but if it is at all 
 necessary to the transaction of business, I will divulge 
 at once. If you would not deem it impertinent, may 
 I request a reply as soon as your convenience will 
 allow ? 
 
 I am a woman, twenty-two years old. Direct to 
 Box 747, Hartford, Conn. 
 
 Yours respectfully, 
 
 SEVEN FOUTY-SEVEN.
 
 TEACHING 109 
 
 JANUARY 17, 56. 
 
 (P.S.) I do not take the "National Era" and 
 have not seen it for a year. If my articles are pub 
 lished, will you send me a copy? Do not fail to 
 reply privately to this letter even if your engagements 
 give you time only to say "no" and I shall be placed 
 under everlasting obligations. 
 
 The printed morcecm was printed without my knowl 
 edge or consent, but I have seen it copied into four 
 different papers in as many States, which was one 
 encouragement for me to make this attack on you. 
 Will you be so good as to return it to me, as I bor 
 rowed it from a friend. 
 
 JANUARY 23. 
 
 My DEAR PARENTS : I wonder what you would say 
 if you knew what I have been doing. Something I 
 never did before in my life even dancing ! Waltz 
 ing ! WhatwnM come of it? Health, I hope. When 
 I boarded at Mrs. O s, they used to joke me about a 
 young man who belonged to the firm, and say they 
 should invite him there to see me. Shortly after, how 
 ever, he married a Southern lady. About a week ago 
 the wife died, three days after giving birth to a beautiful 
 little girl. Mrs. 0. has taken much care of her, and 
 is nearly tired out. The lady left letters to her child 
 one for every birthday from her tenth to her nine 
 teenth, also for the day she should join the church, 
 and for her wedding-day. A lady has been here, 
 sister of one of our scholars, from Pennsylvania. 
 She is anxious to get a teacher to return with her to 
 take charge of their school. I don t know but that I 
 should go myself if music were not requisite. I had 
 a letter from Amanda Hall this morning. I had
 
 110 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 asked her advice about choosing a blue or a black silk 
 dress. She advises a black by all means, as do all 
 my friends here. Black, then, it must be. Flounces, 
 or double skirt, mother, which? One says three 
 narrow flounces trimmed with gimp. Another says a 
 double skirt trimmed with broad plush. Another 
 still, flounces patterned, etc. Abby Dodge says a 
 plain skirt with no trimming at all and plain it shall 
 be. It is nearly eleven and my fingers are somewhat 
 stiff, not to mention my wrists, which I tried with Mr. 
 Curtis a short time making futile attempts for an hour 
 or so to box his ears, and getting my own soundly 
 boxed instead. It was grand exercise, however. If 
 I could have as much every day I should be the better 
 for it. Good night. May God bless you and keep 
 you! 
 
 Affectionately, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 JANUARY 30, 1856. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : I generally sit down and 
 answer your letter immediately upon receiving it, but 
 I have of late been so busy that I was quite unable 
 to do so. I have four classes all extremely inter 
 esting. Two of them are in English Literature, ex 
 tending from the first history of Great Britain to the 
 present time. All the books of any note through all 
 those hundreds of years pass in review before us, and 
 I need a hundred eyes to read them. A good many 
 of them I have read, but by far many more I have 
 not. Of course I wish to prepare myself as well as 
 possible. In addition to this I am studying German, 
 and have a great many little cares in school which no 
 one but a teacher and a good teacher knows.
 
 TEACHING HI 
 
 There is, moreover, once in three weeks, a paper 
 issued from the High School, edited nominally by 
 members of the school, but really by your humble 
 servant and affectionate sister. You will at once see 
 that I have no superfluous leisure. Twelve o clock 
 P.M. finds me quite as often with wakeful as with 
 closed eyes. I have taken little or no exercise, but 
 finding that this will never do, I am guess what ! 
 Learning to dance ! It is even so. It is the best of 
 exercise. 
 
 We took a Saturday evening a week or two ago and 
 visted Waugh s Panorama of Italy. It is certainly 
 well worth seeing. I felt enkindled in me the old 
 longing smothered but not extinguished to visit 
 those classic lands " famed in song and story." " To 
 stand one moonlight eve by Tasso s bower From 
 Virgil s tomb to pluck a single flower." It is sad to 
 look upon the ruins of a mighty and spendid Past, to 
 think of the skies that once arched the noble forms of 
 the proud children of art and song, now but the pall 
 of their dead glory. After the exhibition, a puppet 
 show brought me down with a jerk from the regions 
 of romance to reality. 
 
 You spoke in one of your letters of Fanny Fern. 
 She is the daughter of Mr. Willis, the editor of the 
 " Youth s Companion," whom I believe you knew. 
 She is consequently the sister of N. P. Willis, of the 
 "Home Journal." When a girl she attended the 
 Seminary here, the one where I was before I came to 
 the High School. She married one husband, who 
 died; a second, and separated from him. She has 
 lately married a Mr. Partou, who wrote the " Life of 
 Horace Greeley." 
 
 I am afraid I run the risk of losing your friendship
 
 112 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 entirely if I tell you that, in addition to the " white 
 satin bonnet with feathers aud llowers," I have bought 
 a black silk dress ! AVell-a-day, it is the first new 
 dross I have had for nearly two years. How many of 
 your acquaintances can say the same? 1 have as 
 many as I want, however. Do you still take the " Life 
 Illustrated " ? If you keep the numbers, and will look 
 at No. 61 for Dec. 29, 1855, you will see a piece of 
 miue, headed " I didn t know what it meant." I 
 have seen it copied into several different papers in 
 New York, Boston, Philadelphia, etc., though I don t 
 know how it got into any of them. Good night, and 
 may God bless you and keep you, is the prayer of 
 your affectionate sister ! 
 
 FEBRUARY G. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I took your letter from the 
 office yesterday. I read it at school. Miss Hunt 
 was sitting by me. She said, " What pretty writing 
 that is ! " I said, " It is from my mother." She was 
 surprised, and said J could not write so well. I am 
 so tired. I gave up entirely this morning. Sent my 
 class out at half-past eleven, and had a cry. 1 am 
 not sick, nothing in particular is the matter, but 1 am 
 so tired, tired of learning lessons, tired of teaching 
 them, tired of going to school at nine o clock every day, 
 tired of never visiting anybody, tired of going from 
 one thing to another just as fast as I can, tired of 
 being in a whirl all the time, tired of school, tired of 
 everything almost. It is of no use for you to say 
 "don t do so" as long as I teach, I shall do so. 
 It amuses me to see the scholars when anything is the 
 matter with me. They are so accustomed to see me 
 gay and lively and cheerful. One- of my boys came
 
 TEACHING 113 
 
 into the recitation room this noon my face was invisi 
 ble, but he saw there was something wrong " You are 
 not well to-day, Miss Dodge." No reply, and away 
 he went. Presently another comes, a tall, handsome 
 fellow. He stood in perfect astonishment. " Miss 
 Dodge. Why, Miss Dodge ! Show me the man ! 
 Where is he? I ll fight him." Girls are less chival- 
 ric but more affectionate in their demonstrations. 
 Mr. Curtis came I assured him that nothing in par 
 ticular was the matter, only everything in general. He 
 strokes my hair, and says, " petty ittil keeter," and 
 punches, and pokes, and comforts, and scolds, but is 
 evidently glad it is only a " tantrum," a " woman s 
 fit." Oh ! dear. Now don t make yourself unhappy 
 about this, for I dare say by the time you read it I 
 shall be right side up again. 
 
 I was in particular need of exercise, but have now 
 benefited by the exercise. I had a little walk with 
 Rev. Dr. Hawes, to-night, and a pleasant little chat in 
 a book store with Judge Parsons. I went to a lect 
 ure a night or two since with Mr. Tucker, to hear 
 Elihu Burritt, the learned blacksmith, who knows 
 fifty-three languages. Last Saturday I spent partly 
 in making a purse for which Mrs. Warburton gave 
 me some silk for a lining. Agnes has just put up 
 her writing, for she says two write so fast that she 
 can t write at the same time. Mr. Beadle sent five 
 dollars the other day to be given for a prize for the 
 best composition to be read at the spring examina 
 tion. Mr. Curtis told Mr. Smith, and he gave fifteen 
 more for composition and declamation. Tace Ward- 
 well, and a cousin of Miss Crocker s, came to the 
 High School last Friday, P.M., to hear my class in 
 English Literature, but as it does not recite Fridays
 
 114 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 they came in and heard the declamations, and the 
 paper, and also a dialogue from Shakespeare spoken 
 by several of the boys, and were very much inter 
 ested. Mrs. Judge Matson was there also, and gave 
 me a very warm invitation to visit her. I hope you 
 go out whenever you can during this weather. I sup 
 pose it must be pretty cold, as your furnace does not 
 warm the whole house. I do not think we shall have 
 a vacation, though it does not seem to me that I can 
 keep on ten weeks longer. Would you come back in 
 the spring?
 
 IV 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 
 
 1856-1858 
 
 115
 
 IV 
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 
 
 1856-1858 
 
 FEBRUARY 15, 1856. 
 
 MY DEAR SISTER : I am going to tell you a story. 
 You know I went to Meriden a few weeks ago. You 
 know also that our cousin is somewhat of a literary 
 person. She wanted me to write for the public ; 
 thought it was a sin that I should not improve my 
 talents, etc. I said Well, what shall I do? She said, 
 " Write at once to Dr. Bailey of the National Era. " 
 I thought upon her words, and after I came home 
 wrote to the gentleman aforesaid. I sent a copy of 
 "Hair," and several pieces of poetry. Well, one, 
 two, three weeks passed away and I came to the con 
 clusion that my letter and its valuable contents were 
 consigned to oblivion, but last night I took a letter 
 from my box addressed to " Seven Forty-Seven" and 
 mailed " Washington, D.C." You see I had not told 
 my real name, but directed him to address Box 747. 
 I walked leisurely home, went upstairs quietly, lit my 
 gas composedly, and then I opened the letter and 
 read : 
 
 "Seven Forty Seven" must pardon the delay in an 
 swering her delightfully independent letter. My answer 
 will be a short one. Your contributions are acceptable 
 and accepted worthy of a place in the " Era," and filed for 
 117
 
 118 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 insertion. But the compensation is another thing. For 
 cogent reasons, which I need not now specify, I have been 
 obliged for the last year to be rigidly economical. The 
 same reasons compel me to pursue the same course the 
 present year. 
 
 After that I shall be easy and be prepared once more to 
 be liberal. If you can afford to wait I will on the first 
 week of next December send you a remittance of fifty 
 dollars, for which you may send me whatever you please 
 in your best style of prose sketches, at any time between 
 this and then. When I tell you that I have on hand 
 articles already paid for enough to fill fifty columns, and 
 that my list of paid contributors is never crowded, you 
 will not wonder at my proposition. But the truth is, your 
 pen is not a commonplace one. 
 
 I hope now that " Seven Forty-Seven " will introduce 
 herself to me with her own name, which I am sure must 
 be a worthy one. 
 
 With friendly sentiments, 
 
 I remain, yours etc., 
 
 G. BAILEY. 
 
 Tliis is the substance of the letter. I was quite 
 overwhelmed by such an answer, besides being fright 
 ened out of my senses. I never can write fifty dollars 
 worth between now and December, for I don t have 
 time. I am just as busy as I can be with school duties 
 from morning till night. But don t you think it a 
 generous offer ? You see they say I may send just 
 when I please. I ought to scud enough to make it 
 about five dollars a column, I think. Now don t tell 
 anybody of this. I hesitated about telling you, but 
 finally concluded I would as a proof of my love for 
 you and confidence in you. I have told Mr. 
 and shall tell A. R., because she induced me to do it. 
 You may send this to father and mother, and upon
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP H9 
 
 no account is anybody else to know anything about it 
 at present. I have also entered into an engagement 
 to write for the "Independent," for which they will 
 pay me three dollars a column. The first piece was 
 published a week or two ago. I sent the paper to 
 
 mother. Mr. says it is too little, but I am 
 
 perfectly satisfied. A. R. says the honor of writing 
 for the " Independent" is enough without any money. 
 If I once get my name up you know I can do any 
 thing. This, too, is a profound secret. I did not 
 tell A. R. Now don t suppose I shall do any great 
 things all of a sudden. With all 1 have to do it is 
 impossible for me to write much, but it is something 
 to have an outlet provided in case I do overflow. 
 The " National Era" is no mean paper. Grace Green 
 wood and John G. Whittier write for it, and Mrs. 
 Stowe s "Uncle Tom s Cabin" first appeared in it, 
 and / feel quite complimented to be received so cor 
 dially on my own recommendation. If I had time I 
 think I could do something in the way of writing. 
 
 HARTFORD, CONN., February 18, 1856. 
 MR. BAILEY : 
 
 DEAR SIR : I am astonished ! I am overwhelmed ! 
 I am on my knees to you (metaphysically) ! I am 
 blushing furiously at the savage ferocity of my last 
 letter. I can never write fifty, dollars worth in the 
 world. I must say, sir, I think you have made a very 
 rash bargain. I don t believe you consulted Mrs. 
 Bailey. Why, suppose now I choose to send only one 
 article between now and next December, don t you see 
 you will have to pay all the same ? I have always con 
 sidered myself a genius. My friends have uniformly 
 cherished the same belief, but now this temple of faith is 
 shaken to its veiy foundations, and I am under the calam 
 itous necessity of classing myself Avith the common money-
 
 120 ("JAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 making herd. For, sir, Genius is always repulsed, 
 always Genius goes clad in russet fluttering with rags, 
 only Mediocrity rustles in silk. When Genius is the 
 centre of the wheel of life, gold has a far greater centri 
 fugal than centripetal attraction. But if Gold and 
 Grandeur are to be ruy fate, I will endeavor to bear it 
 with a very great degree of Christian resignation. 
 
 I have not the slightest objection to waiting till next 
 December. I am in no particular need of money. But I 
 am really afraid I shall not come up to what you desire. 
 I have no idea what my " best style " is in fact I am 
 quite unconscious of having any style at all. The cor 
 diality and kindness of your letter, for which I do assure 
 you I thank you most heartily, have quite banished every 
 thought from my head and left it in the precise state of a 
 squeezed orange, but I will do my best, and if you are 
 not satisfied it shall be all the same as if you had never 
 written only you won t have poetry that is too bad, 
 for it is a thousand times easier to write than prose. 
 
 If you really have any curiosity to know my name I 
 will tell you, but it is a shocking one. I mean to change 
 it as soon as possible. It is, however, a consolation to 
 reflect that if the name confers no honor on " my family," 
 " my family " make the name respectable. 
 
 And I remain, sir, yours very truly, 
 
 MARY ABBY DODGE but don t tell. 
 
 Miss Hunt took me aside yesterday and said she 
 had something to tell me that she had seen two 
 pieces of mine in the "National Era," that her 
 sister knew they were mine because one of them had 
 appeared in the school paper and they both had the 
 same signature. As my articles are printed, or being 
 printed, I shall have to bestir myself to get something 
 more ready for forwarding. One of our old gradu 
 ates has just called on me. I cannot yet tell how
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 121 
 
 matters and things will go in the school, but at pres 
 ent they wear a promising aspect. I should like a 
 hot brown-bread cake for breakfast, if you please, 
 with good fresh butter melted in and a good deal of 
 it. Good-night, my dear father and mother. The 
 mother of two of our pupils called while I was gone, 
 told how much their boys liked the teachers, and " as 
 for Miss Dodge she was an oracle." 
 There s something for you to sleep on. 
 
 Yours very affectionately, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 MAY 20, 1856. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I snatch a moment before going 
 out to tell you that I do not study at all after school, 
 that is, I do not study for school. I go to bed early 
 and rise early. I do not intend to work as I did last 
 term, and I do not. I shall take it easier a great 
 deal. My classes are interesting, and the scholars 
 interested. I heard Edward Everett deliver his 
 lecture on Washington, Wednesday evening. It 
 was a splendid thing very characteristic. Tuesday 
 evening I attended a chemical lecture. Last evening 
 a church lecture. This evening another chemical. 
 So you see I have been somewhat dissipated this 
 week. 
 
 MAY 24, 1856. 
 
 MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER : Yesterday morn 
 ing when I put my letter into the office, I took yours 
 out. 1 think it was very kind and motherly for you to 
 begin to write that very day. It is the better way, 
 because a great many things that are really interest 
 ing fade away from the mind immediately, are pushed
 
 122 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 aside by the little things of the next day. In the 
 evening I went to another chemical lecture. The 
 experiments were very interesting. Mr. Beadle was 
 standing by the door when we came in and he joined 
 us and sat with me. They had a bullock s head just 
 cut off, with the horns and all on, to illustrate the 
 galvanic battery. I am afraid father would not like 
 to have so many fire experiments in his house. Some 
 of the light was almost as bright as the sun, making 
 gas-light look red and dull. After dinner Mr. Curtis 
 came and called me to go to drive with himself, wife, 
 and Mr. Beadle. So Abby Dodge, in a white waist, 
 plaid silk skirt, white bonnet, and silk mantilla, 
 started. It grew cooler, but was dusty. We went 
 to " Rocky Hill," particularly to see the geological 
 formation. It is one of the best places in the country 
 for that purpose. We found several interesting spec 
 imens one in particular we brought home with us 
 about a yard long, a foot wide, and perhaps half a 
 foot thick. It was the shape of a parallelogram. 
 They all have a tendency to break off in this shape. 
 It was somewhat heavy, requiring the strength of 
 both men to get it into the carriage. Its particular 
 interest was this : Thousands of thousands of years 
 ago, this rock was sand on the sea shore that is, 
 the sea came up to where the sand of this rock was. 
 Of course it was damp and soft. Well, there came 
 up a little April shower, such as we often have, and 
 of course the drops falling made little dents in the soft 
 sand. Of course it was not a very heavy shower. 
 Well, this sand in process of time hardened and 
 became rock, but the little dents are still there ! made 
 nobody knows how many years ago. One of my boys 
 brought me to-night a ring which he had made himself
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 123 
 
 with a penknife from the tooth of a whale. He had 
 also carved a little anchor on the outside of it. He 
 is one of the ingenious kind. What do you think of 
 Senator Sumner s being beaten so in the Senate 
 Chamber? I don t know what we are coming to. 
 We are in great indignation here. Dr. Hawes made a 
 call here last evening. I went up to Mr. Capron s 
 Tuesday eve. and had a long talk with him about the 
 existing state of affairs in the country. Lamentable, 
 to be sure ! I don t think it is of very much use to 
 stay any longer in the High School, as the boys would 
 better be learning to hold muskets, and the girls to 
 make bullets. Did you see in the paper a copy of the 
 resolutions of the Connecticut Legislature? "Con 
 necticut sends to Massachusetts fraternal greetings." 
 I shall send with this a paper containing a notice of 
 a new story by Sylvanus Cobb, Jr. Augusta : I 
 don t know when my mind will be sufficiently calm to 
 spout for your rising generation, but, just at present, 
 nay thoughts all tend politics-wise. 
 Good morning to you all, from 
 
 Yours affectionately, 
 
 ABBY DODGE. 
 
 JUNE 10. 
 
 Col. Sam. Colt was married last Thursday to a 
 Miss Jarvis, of Middletown, and I had the honor of 
 eating some of the wedding-cake. He chartered a 
 boat to take his Hartford friends to the wedding, and 
 a train of cars to bring his New York friends. He 
 gave her a diamond necklace and each of the brides 
 maids a diamond ring. She is the daughter of an 
 Episcopal minister. Her dress was white moire an 
 tique silk, with two flounces half a yard wide of point
 
 124 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 lace, cape, veil, etc., all of point lace. Col. Colt was 
 confirmed at the Episcopal Church the Sunday before 
 he was married. They sailed on Saturday for 
 Europe to be gone a year ; one of her sisters accom 
 panied them. Mr. John Olmsted with his family is 
 going to Europe the first of July, and he said he 
 should like to have me of all persons go with them, 
 because I had an inquiring mind, and my young 
 head would see a great many things which his would 
 not. I was up this morning at half-past four, deter 
 mined to get my piece done if I did not go to school 
 for the morning. I finished it, however, carried it to 
 the office, and reached school just in time. 
 
 JUNE 21. 
 
 MY DEAR : My heart was made glad by the recep 
 tion of a letter from you last evening, and really I 
 must say I was astonished by the criticism of the 
 "Biography of Richard Brinsley Sheridan" so 
 much good sense, right feeling, correct principle, and 
 practical woman s insight into the hidden nature of 
 things, and all so well, so nervously and clearly and 
 tersely expressed. Why, I think you might excel as a 
 reviewer would you but turn your attention that way 
 ward. I am forced to confess that your opinions 
 concerning Sheridan coincide very nearly with my 
 own. His life affords another lamentable example of 
 great talents misapplied, great powers perverted, and 
 the inevitable and distant future absorbed by the 
 present. But is it true that in all this there is no 
 lesson for us? Is it not from the shipwreck of others 
 that we must learn to steer our own barque from the 
 rocks? Moreover, there is an intrinsic value and 
 there is a relative value. A rosebud is u beautiful
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 125 
 
 thing, but there are thousands of them, and one rose 
 bud is just like another, and we wear them till they 
 are withered and then fling them aside. But ah ! the 
 rosebud that Corydon plucked, and with his own 
 hands placed in Chloe s dark hair, is to her the dear 
 est thing on earth to be treasured in her memory 
 and her heart, and the secret place where her soul 
 abideth will be filled forever with the fragrance of its 
 perfume. So of Sheridan ; the interest which his 
 life and character failed to impart will be found in 
 the position he occupied. Standing as he did fore 
 most among orators, foremost among dramatists, he 
 filled his two-fold niche to the glory of his country. 
 Nor must you judge his life by his death. Success is 
 not the criterion of merit. Jesus Christ died upon 
 the cross, yet He is exalted above all that is called 
 God. It will always be pleasant to you when you 
 see or hear the name of Sheridan to recognize him as 
 an acquaintance. I read your letter to Mrs. War- 
 burton and Mrs. Curtis, to their great satisfaction. 
 My money is like the Widow Cruise s oil. I have 
 very little and have had very little, and keep spend 
 ing, but somehow there seems to be just about as 
 much now as there was before. 
 
 I went to a party last evening. By the way, I had 
 five invitations for last evening, one from Dr. Hawes 
 to take a " drive," one from Mr. Owen do., one from 
 Mrs. Warburton to tea, one from Judge Perkins 
 do., and to the party. I accepted the latter, as it 
 came first. It was given by the graduating class of 
 56. Do you want to know what I wore? White 
 muslin, white kids, a braid of hair belonging to Mrs. 
 Hall, white flowers in my hair arranged by Mrs. Cur 
 tis, hair necklace with a heart belonging to Mrs. Hall,
 
 126 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 gold necklace wound twice around my left arm for a 
 bracelet, belonging to Mrs. Hall, hair bracelet, corre 
 sponding to the necklace, on my right arm, belonging 
 to Mrs. Hall, bouquet in front arranged by Carrie 
 Curtis, white satin sash tied in a knot with long ends, 
 belonging to Mrs. Curtis, elegant ivory fan belonging 
 to Mrs. Hall, bouquet of beautiful flowers plucked 
 from her own garden and arranged by Mrs. Perkins. 
 Did we apples swim? Didn t we, though? Coach 
 came for me about half-past eight. We had tableaux 
 very beautiful ones, refreshments, plenty of talk, 
 and a very lively and pleasant time, much more so 
 than is common at parties, which I think are gener 
 ally very stupid things. Mr. Curtis implored me 
 before we went to come home early. I said, " At 
 what time?" He replied, "Nine." I said well, I 
 would start about ten, but we did not leave the house 
 till after twelve. I was not asleep till after one, and 
 was up again by half-past four, and over to Mrs. 
 Hall s soon after five. Yesterday was the anniver 
 sary of her wedding-day. Her husband came down 
 Wednesday evening and gave her the gold necklace I 
 spoke of, Friday morning, as an anniversary present. 
 She desired me to wear it to consecrate it. Mrs. Curtis 
 was not well and did not go to the party, but they sent 
 her two beautiful bouquets. Have you seen Charles 
 H. Branscomb s name in connection with Kansas meet 
 ings, etc? He is a brother-in-law of Dr. Curtis. 
 
 There is to be an indignation meeting to-night on 
 the Sumner affair. Do they have one in Hamilton ? 
 
 SEPTEMBER 22. 
 
 The sweet fragrance of a beautiful bouquet glad 
 dens my sense as I write to you. It was left me by
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 127 
 
 Miss Davis, who called while I was out. I wish you 
 could know how happy I am here ; not but that there 
 are a thousand and one petty vexations, as there 
 always must be in this world, but I think I never have 
 enjoyed myself and my situation more since I began 
 to teach. A great many little things combine to make 
 it agreeable which cannot be mentioned and are not 
 worth mentioning if they could be. My funds are 
 down almost to zero. My personal property in cur 
 rent coin could be bought for considerably less than 
 a dollar. 
 
 I have just come in from a most delightful drive 
 round the city. It is so warm and pleasant and gay ! 
 One of my pupils called for me. Lizzy Hale (daugh 
 ter of John P. Hale, of whom I think you have heard 
 me speak) called to-night with a Miss Low. I was 
 very glad to see them, and they appeared glad to see 
 me. Lizzy Hale said they had thought of coming 
 down to the High School, and taking me away by 
 force. In my grammar class to-day I had given for 
 a lesson, sentences to be written and handed in to 
 me containing certain kinds of words as adjectives, 
 pronouns, etc. One of my boys, some sixteen or 
 seventeen years old, had not written his, so I told 
 him to make up one. He said he should think the 
 one on the board was an example. I turned and 
 looked at the blackboard and saw written on it 
 " Miss Dodge is beloved by all her pupils," written, 
 I suppose, by some foolish school-girl with an eye 
 single to my gratification. I felt rather silly for a 
 minute or two. One of the boys marched into the 
 school-room this afternoon with his arms full of two 
 great bundles of grapes done up just alike in white 
 paper. One he presently carried to Mr. Curtis, and
 
 128 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the other, when I went into the library an hour or 
 two after, he brought to me. Well, these things are 
 not much to write about, are they? Nevertheless, if 
 I were to see you, I dare say I should tell you of 
 them, so as I have nothing of particular importance 
 to communicate, I write about them. Besides, I be 
 lieve you do not scruple to tell me when my letters 
 are uninteresting, so I suppose you will not fail to 
 inform me if such be the fact in the present case. 
 Remember, all these things are for your private ears, 
 but are not to be mentioned. 
 
 HARTFORD, COXN., October 11, 1856. 
 
 MY DEAR MRS. DODGE : As your devoted daughter is 
 writing you upon a subject of deep interest to me, to our 
 High School, and to our entire community, I have asked 
 her permission to add a few words. 
 
 I learned from her a few weeks ago, that when she left 
 home there was a general understanding among her 
 friends that she would close her engagement with us at 
 the end of the present term. It was certainly a painful 
 surprise to me, as she had rendered herself so necessary 
 to us that she had come to be regarded by the community 
 and myself as a sort of permanent fixture of the school. 
 
 She tells me that she has expressed to you a doubt 
 whether it will seem best for her to adhere to her former 
 decision, and I perceive that it gives her some concern lest 
 she should be thought unduly variable, not to say fickle, in 
 her purposes. Let me assure you that she has lost nothing, 
 by leaving home, of her fervent love for those who are 
 there and especially for yourself, whom she loves, I 
 believe, with a fondness and an affectionate devotion which 
 few daughters bear their mothers. It is these considera 
 tions of filial and affectionate obligation which have been 
 almost the only source of perplexity and hesitation with her 
 in seeking a right decision. She feels that if the happiness
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 129 
 
 of her parents would be materially lessened by her re 
 maining she certainly ought not to do so ; and so I think 
 her first duties, next to those she owes to God, are to you. 
 In respect to all other considerations, the convictions of 
 her judgment and conscience, I think, incline her to 
 remain. She cannot be ignorant that she has opportuni 
 ties of usefulness here most precious and inviting, that 
 even the present results of her labors are abundant, and 
 that she is doing much, very much, for the permanent 
 good of multitudes. I think it proper that you should be 
 assured that she is filling a sphere of useful labor here 
 which no one before her has yet done, and which I sin 
 cerely believe we can find no one else to fill. 
 With great respect, 
 
 T. W. T. CURTIS. 
 
 NOVEMBER 12. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : Your long letter came to hand 
 last Saturda} . I was glad to receive it. You advise 
 me to devote myself to writing more entirely. Well, 
 1 should like to do it, but it would be a very bad time 
 to commence now. I assure you in hard times it is 
 a mighty fine thing to have six hundred dollars a year. 
 No newspaper would be likely to pay for some time 
 to come any more than it could possibly help, so I 
 think I shall continue to teach for the present, but I 
 do grudge the time. A year of leisure would be the 
 most valuable present any one could make me just 
 now. I never can do anything in the way of writing 
 so long as I have to teach. That is a settled thing in 
 my mind. No man can serve two masters. 
 
 Saturday Mrs. Owen called in her carriage to say 
 she would go with me to call on Mrs. Sigourney if I 
 would like. In the afternoon I went. Mrs. Sigourney 
 is a very affable, sociable lady, with old-school man-
 
 130 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ners, courtesy (curtsey?), and that sort of thing. 
 Kept her knitting going all the time we called ; has a 
 parlor full of little knick-knacks. I went to Dr. 
 Bushnell s church Sunday morning, to hear Prof. F. 
 D. Huntingdon preach. He is in Cambridge, used to 
 be a Unitarian, some think he is now, but he is 
 Orthodox enough for me. Mr. Curtis and Mr. AVilcox 
 were both there. We all liked his sermon and prayer 
 very much. Mr. Owen was quite enraptured. I 
 went there to dinner and to Dr. Hawes in the after 
 noon. 
 
 JANUARY 2, 1857. 
 
 Mr. Curtis brought to school a letter directed to 
 Mrs. Gail Hamilton, Box 747, Hartford, Ct. It 
 proved to be from Mr. Ladd, proprietor of the "In 
 dependent." Do you want to read it ? 
 
 MRS. GAIL HAMILTON, "Box 747": 
 
 MY DEAR MADAM : Your favors of 2d hist, to Editor 
 of "Ind." came duly to hand. Your articles were very 
 acceptable and shall be paid for at the rate of $3.00 a 
 column when we know who you are, for, my dear Mrs. 
 Gail, or Girl, we don t pay " nobodies," we don t If you 
 will let me into the secret of your name I will be very 
 whist about it, and send your money promptly. Am sorry 
 you have got fifteen children (is that all?) to support at 
 this inclement season of the year, and wonder, as that is 
 the case, you have so much time to devote to literary 
 pursuits. 
 
 Hoping you will no longer persevere in your attempts 
 to preserve an incognito, 
 
 I am, yours truly, 
 
 J. II. LADD. 
 
 So this morning I have written him a letter. Want 
 to hear it ?
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 131 
 
 MR. LADD : 
 
 MY DEAR SIR : Awful ! awful ! awful ! To go and put 
 " Mrs. Gail Hamilton " right on the outside of my letter, 
 and the Post Office Clerks know my box, and they Avill go 
 and tell the P. M. General, and he will go and tell Mr. 
 Buchanan, and Mr. Buchanan will go and put it in his 
 inaugural address, and so you have released grimalkin 
 from her confinement. And then again the Mrs. AVhy I 
 am not married. Well really did I say I had fifteen 
 children ? It was a wicked story gotten up for effect a 
 poet s license. I have only seven no three well there, 
 I may as well make a clean breast of it. I have neither 
 chick nor child in the world. Did you ever here of the 
 " three black crows " ? 
 
 I have not the slightest objection to telling my name, 
 only it is such a shocking one. It actually hurts my mouth 
 to speak it, it is so rough. But, as there is no prospect of 
 changing it I may as well tell you at once it is Oh, I 
 wanted to say I am very much obliged and very grateful. 
 I think $3.00 a column is quite enough for such quality of 
 writing. I expected you would say they weren t worth 
 anything, and you wouldn t pay at all. That style does 
 not require thought and labor like some others. It is just 
 like telling stories to little children, and I feel absolutely 
 mean about receiving money for them, but then, oh dear, 
 the flesh is weak, and if I were only rich I would be aw 
 fully indifferent and noble about money matters. I shall 
 be rich one day, when I am become famous, and then I will 
 always write for nothing. There ! I have not told you 
 my name yet, but I am just on the brink of it. Now 
 don t you tell, will you ? Don t. 
 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 MARY ABBY DODGE. 
 " Phebus what a name 
 To fill the speaking trump of future fame." 
 
 Mrs. Bird said my name was very familiar to her. 
 She had heard a great deal about the Miss Dodge who
 
 132 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 taught at the High School, but had always supposed 
 I was tall and very dignified and between thirty and 
 forty so you see I must have a very dignified repu 
 tation, notwithstanding you think I am slightly harum- 
 scarum. 
 
 JANUARY 15. 
 
 Tuesday evening went to hear Mr. Capron deliver 
 a lecture on Ancient Architecture at the school- 
 house to the Sigma Phi Society, formed of some 
 twenty-five of our boys. Received another letter 
 from Mr. Ladd. Want to hear it ? 
 
 MY DEAR GAIL : For I do not believe " Mary Abby 
 Dodge" is your true name. However, it matters not. I 
 will send your money, as you insist on your incog, and 
 aliases. You have written thirteen and a half columns, 
 which at three dollars a column, amounts to $40, for 
 which amount I enclose my draft to Mary Abby s order. 
 You need not expect to come any of your "Dodges" 
 over me. Who is T. W. T. C. ? 1 believe him to be your 
 paternal parent. [Mr. C. spoke of his being my literary 
 " pa" in what he wrote to Mr. Ladd.] I am a Yankee 
 and have as good a right to guess as you wooden nutmeg 
 manufacturers. 1 would like to see you when you come 
 to New York. I have had the honor of an occasional call 
 from some of our lady correspondents on business of 
 course. Don t fall, at all events, to let me know your 
 address, Mary Abby, when you are in town. Excuse the 
 familiarity of my style. It is no more so than your own. 
 I imagine you a young lady I won t say how old. 1 
 should like to know, as bachelors are, you are aware, 
 very curious about such matters. 
 
 I remain, Mary Abby, 
 
 Yours faithfully, 
 J. H. LADD.
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 133 
 
 Wednesday after school at night found a letter 
 from Dr. Bailey, of Washington. Want to hear it? 
 
 Will Miss Dodge pardon my delay in remitting? It 
 will be a particularly gracious act on her part, as the only 
 excuse I can plead is negligence. I enclose a draft on 
 New York for fifty dollars. Need I say that I like your 
 contributions ? The promptness with Avhich they have 
 appeared is enough. Many have inquired, Who is " Gail 
 Hamilton" ? 
 
 You will probably continue occasional communications 
 for the " Era, but I cannot offer you a regular engage 
 ment. This is my misfortune, not my fault nor yours. 
 But the truth is, I cannot command the means, just now, 
 to commit myself to any stipulated amount for contribu 
 tions. I may be able to give you something in the course 
 of the year, but I cannot say what, or when. I am sorry, 
 but so it is ; the only consolation is, so will it not be 
 always. 
 
 Truly yours, 
 
 G. BAILEY. 
 
 I heard the other day that "The National Era" 
 had "broke" and I know they are very poor. It 
 is an anti-slavery paper in a slave State and slave 
 city, and of course receives no local support. I only 
 wonder how it has been able to keep above water so 
 long. It is said to be the only paper published in 
 Washington without any aid from the government. 
 Do you think I ought to send back the fifty dollars? 
 It is too late though, now. It is gone, all gone. 
 " Dear pa," he took it and gave it to Mr. Warburton, 
 and Mr. Warburton put it in some place or other, I 
 have forgotten where, if I ever knew, all but eight 
 dollars, this and the other bringing the whole up to 
 ihrce hundred. I wish to make this statement of
 
 134 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 affairs, and now you know me possessed of $300 
 bank stock. Salary, $600 per year, paying $4.50 per 
 week for board. Please after this not try to take my 
 reckoning, or to keep the run of my money matters, 
 as I should be vastly more at ease and more inde 
 pendent if you would exercise your practical mathe 
 matics on somebody else s purse than mine. If I 
 don t give you the precise data, therefore, to reason 
 from, you will not think it from any want of con 
 fidence in yourselves severally and collectively. I 
 intend to answer Mr. Ladd s letter to-night, Mr. 
 Bailey s to-morrow. Want to hear them? I am 
 afraid the former will be too long, as I want to say 
 " a thing or two." 
 
 JANUARY 16, 1857. 
 MR. LADD: 
 
 DEAR SIR: You do not believe my name is "Mary 
 Abby Dodge," not you ! The fleece of the sheep is not to 
 be extended over your organ of vision. Go to the 
 little village of Hamilton, in the State of Massachusetts, 
 ask the worthy priest Avho presided at my christening 
 what was the name wherewith my parents endowed me 
 at the baptismal font ask the sober deacon, who holds in 
 his hands the village chronicles, what name was recorded 
 on those Sibylline leaves when my father announced 
 to him, with devout thankfulness, the birth of a seventh 
 child, " Heaven s last best gift," and my word for it you 
 will return six inches shorter, on a moderate calculation, 
 than you Avere when you left the metropolis of this new 
 world. 
 
 Secondly, you believe T. W.T.C. to be my " paternal 
 parent." My dear friend, sit down to a cup of smoking 
 Mocha and find it to be nothing but dishwater. Pop the 
 question to Miss Malinda very tenderly in the twilight, 
 and find when the gas is lighted that you are bound for 
 life to her maiden aunt, " fair, fat, and forty." Sit three
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 135 
 
 hours to witness the unrolling of a pickled princess and 
 fall to cxirsing like a very drab-a-sctillion " on finding that 
 there is no princess after all, but only a mummy of the 
 baser sort ; and in all these you will not be any more out 
 of your reckoning than you were when you drew your 
 bow at a venture and appointed T. W. T. C. my father in 
 the flesh. T. W. T. C. is not my father, but I will tell you 
 what relation he does bear to me. His wife s father s 
 father s brother married my minister s sister. Now you 
 know who he is. But you do not know him as one of the 
 best friends a careless, wilful, headlong, headstrong girl 
 was ever blessed with. I sit in sackcloth and ashes every 
 day because I make him so much trouble, and every day 
 I think I will reform and be so docile and calm, and self- 
 possessed ; but dear me, when the temptation comes, it 
 seems just as if I could not help it, and generally I do 
 not think how undignified I am until it is all over. 
 
 You judge me a woe/ jn nutmeg manufacturer. It is an 
 unmitigated falsehood. Would I stoop to be born in any 
 other State than the one that came out to meet Fremont 
 with 50,000 men. 
 
 Fourthly, you want to see me when I come to New York. 
 I am not going to New York, and all the world could not 
 induce me to see you if I were. The very thought of 
 meeting a live publisher, editor, printer, face to face, 
 would drive me "daft, clean daft." I was brought up 
 in the depths of the country, and never saw any one till I 
 was fourteen, and then I was sent to school and never 
 saw any one again till I left it, and I am terribly afraid 
 of people strangers particularly. You imagine me a 
 young lady. I am not a young lady, by any means. 
 I am twenty-three years old, sir I almost forgot 
 the very thing I was writing for, to acknowledge the 
 receipt of a piece of paper which you said was $40, but 
 the only thing I saw was my name, and the " Independ 
 ent," in great flaring letters, so that all the bank people 
 will know that "Mary Abby Dodge" has been writing 
 for the "Independent," and that is the wages of her
 
 136 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 iniquity. What shall I do with it? I am just as badly 
 off now as I was before. I can t really think I am writ 
 ing to the Joseph II. Ladd whose name figures so formid 
 ably every week at the head of the "Independent." If 
 you are the staid gentleman in unexceptionable cravat 
 and gold spectacles, that so prominent an individual 
 ought to be, then I am not writing to you, but to a good- 
 natured man who wrote me an off-hand letter. 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 Well GAIL HAMILTON 
 
 (I think I like that best on the inside of my letters, not 
 on the outside of yours.) 
 
 JANUARY 22. 
 
 At the date of ray last letter I was at Mrs. Owen s. 
 By the way, she I fiud knows about my writing. She 
 and her husband were at Dr. Bushnell s, who is their 
 pastor, a few weeks ago, and he asked them if they 
 knew who Gail Hamilton was. He had been in New 
 York and seen the editors of the " Independent," and 
 they asked him if he knew anything about me, as they 
 wanted very much to find out who I was, and spoke 
 very highly of my pieces, etc. 
 
 Saturday I read and wrote as usual, walked down 
 town in the afternoon. Sunday I was taken sick, and 
 have been sick ever since, so you see I cannot have 
 much to write about. I suppose I took a sudden 
 cold. Several causes, no one of which was sufficient, 
 but all combined were, to produce the effect. I did 
 not go to church in the morning, but went in the 
 afternoon; was quite ill there with headache. Mr. 
 Curtis came home with me, Mrs. Warburton part of 
 the way. I was very ill that night with fever, had 
 the doctor three days, and am now decidedly on the 
 mending hand. A regular allopathic drug doctor,
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 137 
 
 hurrah ! I ll give the modus operandi. Dr. 
 
 comes in, sits down by the bed, and takes my hand, 
 pulse 110 or 12, asks a few questions as to time when, 
 pain where, etc., says, " I don t think it is anything 
 but a cold, if it is, I don t know what it is." There s 
 frankness for you. That suited me exactly, and I 
 began to have confidence in him. " But I can tell 
 
 O 
 
 you one thing you are not going to have, and that is 
 smallpox." I was glad to hear this, as there is a 
 good deal of smallpox in town ; in fact, I suppose 
 there is always more or less, but I happen to be hear 
 ing of it now more than usual. " What I shall pre 
 scribe for you is masterly inactivity. I shall not give 
 you any medicine to-night, as I think Nature will do 
 the work with rest, and I will come and see you in 
 the morning." Could the most ultra reformer do 
 more? But the fact is, the trouble is the people. 
 They are not satisfied. They don t feel as if they 
 are going on right unless they have medicine. Mrs. 
 Huntington now said " she should have been much 
 better pleased if the Dr. had left me some medicine 
 to take." / was much better pleased as it was. So, 
 my young friends, when you complain as you may 
 justly do that doctors are often humbugs, you must 
 take into account that people will be humbugged. 
 The scholars and other friends have called to see me 
 during my illness, and I have been supplied with 
 flowers very bountifully, considering it is winter. One 
 little orange flower in my thimble for a vase diffuses 
 a very tropical fragrance through the room. 
 
 MAKCH 6. 
 
 I also wrote a letter to Miss Hunt. Do you want 
 me to transcribe a part of it ?
 
 138 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 To E. A. II. IN ALABAMA. 
 
 The balmy airs of the South-land 
 Are stirring the locks on thy brow, 
 
 The perfumed scent of her orange groves 
 Meet fragrance for such as thou. 
 
 Hath the sunny South-land a charm, Nelly, 
 
 To lure thy longer stay? 
 From her velvet turf and magnolia breath 
 
 Dost thou shrink to turn away ? 
 
 Our skies are leaden and gray, Ellen, 
 
 Our winds are fierce and wild ; 
 And ghostly and cold are the mountain snows 
 
 Which they in their fury piled. 
 
 But the hearts are warm and true, Nelly, 
 That are throbbing with love for thee 
 
 That are keeping time to thy morning song 
 Wherever its warblings be. 
 
 And the void which thy going left, Nelly, 
 
 On that chill November morn, 
 Is a void to-day and to-night, my love, 
 
 The merry-voiced spring is born. 
 
 A light went out on the hearth-stone, 
 A tint from the blue of the sky ; 
 
 A tone from the voice of singing 
 Full only when you were by. 
 
 A sense of what might be and is not 
 
 A dreamy and vague unrest, 
 A longing and waiting and watching 
 
 These were thy parting behest. 
 
 But our hills shall be crowned witli greenness, 
 Our roses shall flush in the sun 
 
 Come home, come home, O fairer than they ! 
 That the spring be indeed begun.
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 139 
 
 HARTFORD, CONN., April 15, 1857. 
 
 You DEAR GRACE GREENWOOD : I think you arc 
 just as splendid and kind and dear and delightful as 
 you can be. I have just received your letter. If you 
 had not answered mine at all I should not have 
 blamed you in the least ; I know your time must be 
 so occupied, and I have no claim upon you, but you 
 have written me, and such a kind letter. I under 
 stand what nous venous means on a mother s lips. 
 When I was a little girl and used to ask my mother 
 for anything, " I will see about it," was always equiv 
 alent to a downright affirmative. 
 
 Suppose you were a little bit of a writer a very 
 little bit of one, without a reputation, without much 
 experience, but with the cacoetlt.es scribendi strong 
 upon you, what should you do? That is the ques 
 tion. 
 
 I have been writing a little for about a year, chiefly 
 for the " National Era " and " Independent." I shall 
 probably continue to do so this year, but that does 
 not use up half my writing material, and I don t know 
 what to do with the rest of it. Is there any good- 
 sense, respectable newspaper that you would like to 
 write for, supposing you were in my place. Perhaps 
 you may think I am too fastidious for a tyro, but I 
 think it is better to have your standard too high than 
 too low. I am poor enough, to be sure, and generally 
 in debt, and would be glad to get money for writing ; 
 but I would rather write for a good paper without 
 pay, than for a foolish one with. If I become a good 
 writer I shall be rich enough one day. Dr. Bailey, 
 of the " Era," made a regular bargain with me, and 
 he expressed himself more than satisfied. He has 
 treated me very generously.
 
 140 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I will send you the only article of mine that I have 
 on hand (out of my scrap-book), and you can judge 
 a little from it. I will follow your advice in anything 
 unless you advise me not to write at all. Write I 
 must. It is absolutely essential to my happiness. 
 
 My dear friend, mine though I never saw you, 
 and dear whether you will or not, don t write to me 
 again till you can almost as well as not. If you do 
 not write to me again, I shall know you are blessing 
 some one else ; and shall not bate one jot or tittle of 
 the regard, the love, I now bear you. 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 GAIL HAMILTON. 
 
 On looking, I find two pieces and send them both. 
 You will see that the rhymes are in answer to one of 
 Jenny Marsh s poems. 
 
 JUNE 9, 1857. 
 
 Mr DEAR : Your letter received last Saturday 
 gave me great pleasure. I was in an exceedingly 
 uncomfortable state of mind. Do you wish to know 
 what was the reason ? Well, nothing in particular, 
 only I was so tired, tired of spending my life in school 
 all the while when I so much want to be doing some 
 thing else. When your letter came I determined at 
 once to act. I told Mr. Curtis last night what I 
 wished to do. He does not blame me at all. My plans 
 at present are to remain in school as usual this term, 
 next term to teach only in the morning if it is possible 
 to do so, if not, to remain till next spring as I am 
 now, because I should be unwilling to leave till my 
 class leave, then quit entirely. A year would rest 
 and recruit me. At the expiration of that time I
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 141 
 
 shall be able to decide whether a school life or a liter 
 ary life suits me best. If I prefer the former I can 
 go back with renewed vigor and shall not by any 
 means consider the year lost. If the latter, I shall 
 have made a start and be prepared to go on. Last 
 Thursday the State Teachers Association convened 
 at Meriden. Mr. Philbrick was President of the 
 Association, but you know he has left the State, is in 
 Boston, and Mr. Curtis, who is Vice-Pres., officiated. 
 He is elected Pres. for next year. Mr. Curtis lecture 
 came first. The next morning I did not attend the 
 lecture, but stayed at A s. We went out over the 
 farm. They have a beautiful brook winding through 
 it. I took off my shoes and stockings and waded in 
 it. When I grew too cold I would run out on the 
 grass, which was very warm, for a little while. I was 
 barefoot nearly an hour, I should think, but did not 
 take the slightest cold. In the afternoon we went 
 down in season to hear a part of Mr. Elbridge Smith s 
 lecture. Sunday Mr. Beadle baptized seven little 
 babies. Monday morning Rev. Dr. Hawes came into 
 school, stayed through devotional exercises, offered 
 prayer and addressed the school, so we may be sup 
 posed to have received the stamp of respectability. 
 Miss Tallant is going to leave at the end of this term. 
 She is :i superior teacher. Miss Snow may do so. 
 Moved with pity for the forlorn situation of my 
 principal, also with a reluctance to separate from my 
 own classes, I asked him if it would be any relief to 
 him to have me stay till next spring just as I am, and 
 I rather think, unless provision can easily be made, I 
 shall do so. I would rather do it than leave entirely 
 before my pet class graduates. I have sent two pieces 
 to the "Little Pilgrims," but I cannot at all tell
 
 142 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 whether they will be printed, as I have not read that 
 paper enougli to know what kind of pieces are adapted 
 to its pages. The signature, however, is not yet 
 altered. I thought of taking Erl Stanwood, but shall 
 not take the last name, as that would lay me open to 
 suspicion. 
 
 JDLY 1, 1857 
 
 Saturday morning I went to ride. I did not enjoy 
 it so much as before. My horse was not in so good 
 a condition and did not go so well. Monday Mr. 
 Beadle came into school a little while. One of my 
 boys brought me a little bit of a bouquet of which a 
 moss rose-bud was the prominent flower, and asked 
 me if I would wear it for a breast-pin, and also if I 
 understood the language of flowers. The moss rose 
 bud means, "you are one of a thousand." The 
 scholars are very generous in the matter of flowers 
 and bring a great many. One in particular, one 
 of the boys brought me, consisted entirely of rose 
 buds and green. It was " beautiful sunset." I had 
 a letter from Grace Greenwood yesterday acknowl 
 edging the receipt of the sketch I sent her. She 
 says : " My dear good friend, I thank you ver}" much 
 for the Little Brother. It is a charming sketch, 
 admirably adapted to the picture, as you will see. I 
 think it will not appear till September or October. 
 We wish to have our fall numbers particularly good." 
 She also says she expected to be in Hartford this 
 summer, and hopes I will drop my veil and give them 
 a sight of me. I should be very glad to see her, but 
 I am afraid she will come during vacation and I shall 
 be away. I shall write to her. I have about twenty 
 sheets nearly ready to send to Dr. Bailey of the 
 " Era."
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 143 
 
 One of my girls came to me the other day saying : 
 " Oh, Miss Dodge, are you Gail Hamilton ? I read a 
 piece by Gail Hamilton that took me wonderfully, 
 and the girls say it is you." 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS, July 21, 1857. 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : I was amused at your asking 
 me if I had not a word of advice to give before 
 you took the last fatal step. Now that is precisely 
 the way men do. Here you are all ready to be 
 married, the year, the month, the day, the girl, all 
 chosen, and then you turn round and ask advice. 
 What good will it do now, I beg to know? Suppose 
 I should say I think it is a bad plan for young men 
 to marry, or that I think Alice is not the right kind of 
 woman for you, do you think it would make a hair s 
 breadth of difference in your plans ? Well, I shall 
 not try the experiment, since I do not think it at all 
 necessary. And as to advice I have little to give 
 that your own heart has not already prompted. I 
 should wish you to remember that the little acts of 
 courtesy that tend to foster love before marriage, 
 will equally tend to preserve and cherish it after, that 
 you are not to cease to be a lover because you have 
 become a husband, and that you will both have some 
 times to sacrifice your own inclination to each other s 
 wishes, or your happiness will be shipwrecked and 
 your lives ruined. One thing more, let me advise you 
 always to be polite to your wife. Show her especial 
 respect, and never allow familiarity to degenerate into 
 rudeness. I returned last Saturday evening. I 
 started from Hartford at six o clock in the morning. 
 I met Augusta in Boston. You may be interested to 
 know that we went shopping. I was very tired, as
 
 144 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I had not slept much for several nights preceding, 
 "but whenever I lagged in talk, Augusta would say: 
 " Come, talk. You can, I know. Rest after you 
 get home." So finally, when I did get home, I was 
 nearly " used up." A night s sleep, however, did 
 wonders. I found father and mother in good health 
 and spirits. 1 don t see but that father is out and al 
 work as much as he was when he had the farm on his 
 hands. He points with great pride to his sixteen 
 cocks of hay, and his bit of garden containing corn, 
 potatoes, and half a dozen bean-poles. Hires Park- 
 man s horse to go to church, and altogether lives very 
 comfortably on the interest of his money. I went to 
 a party the night but one before I came away, at 
 President Goodwin s, of Trinity College. It was 
 commencement evening. About three hundred there. 
 Went at nine, came away before eleven. Was out 
 to tea the same afternoon at Hon. Mr. Gillette s, with 
 Miss Catherine Beecher and some others. Was also 
 out the evening before and was invited to Dr. Hawes , 
 but did not go. 
 
 AUGUST 20, 1857. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : I hope that by this time you 
 are in " the land of the blest" (?), and enjoying the 
 society of Alice ! Enjoying it so much perhaps that 
 you won t care to be wakened from your dream of 
 felicity, into the rough and tumble of Bay State life. 
 Nevertheless, I shall give you a concise account of 
 the " manners and customs " of the House of Dodge 
 during the last four weeks, and you can read it or 
 not, at your pleasure. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 12. 
 
 I also had that day a letter from Grace Greenwood, 
 enclosing the picture for which she wished me to write
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP H5 
 
 the stor} . She says : " This picture, like the other 
 we sent you, is from an English book where it illus 
 trates an extract from Southey. If there is anything 
 in the story which can be told well in prose, just use 
 it, merely simplifying it. But it seems to me you can 
 bettor trust your own beautiful and ready fancy. 
 Send it to me, please, as soon as finished. Do excuse 
 my writing. God bless you, my dear unbeheld. F^ver 
 warmly yours, G." I sent her a letter the next day 
 telling her that I would do it in three or four days. 
 I have been greatly bothered in writing it, first by 
 one thing, and then by another. Finally, in despair, 
 I took it down to school with me yesterday afternoon, 
 determined to finish it after school before I went 
 home. Mr. Curtis said he would go home with me if 
 I could not get it done before dark. You remember, 
 perhaps, yesterday (Friday) was a very warm day, 
 so after the scholars were all gone, I took my writing 
 materials and locked the door and went out into the 
 school-yard and sat under the trees. I had scarcely 
 begun when lo and behold ! in walked a young lady, 
 not one of the scholars, but one who seems to have 
 taken a great fancy to me. I was on the brink of 
 giving up. She had been in the school that afternoon 
 and returned to see if she had dropped her veil. I gave 
 her the key and she went in and found her veil and 
 came out again. I told her I was in a hurry to send 
 out in the next mail, and she had the sense to stay 
 but a few minutes. I wrote till it was dark and then 
 went over to Mrs. Warburton s and finished and came 
 home about nine. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 16, 1857. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : It may be interesting to you to 
 know in what manner your youngest daughter lately
 
 146 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 made a fool of herself. Dr. Bailey and his family 
 are visiting at Mr. Gillette s for a few days. Lilly 
 said that he and Mr. Bailey wanted very much to see 
 me, and they were invited to Mrs. Hooker s that 
 evening, and Mrs. H. sent a special invitation to me. 
 Mr. Hooker is brother to Mrs. Gillette, and Mrs. 
 Hooker is a Beecher. The Perkinses and the Hookers 
 and the Gillettes all live out there together on a place 
 called the Nook Farms. I told Lilly that I could not 
 go would not go for anything should be scared 
 out of my senses. She was so concerned about it that 
 she went home at noon and had them come down a 
 few minutes in the afternoon. He stayed in the entry 
 downstairs. I stopped on the stairs, would not go 
 down. Mr. Gillette and Lilly both came for me, so 
 I dragged myself down, could not speak a word, 
 stammered, blushed, almost cried, and acted the dunce 
 generally. I told them I should not go over in the 
 evening. They said I should. Mr. Gillette said if I 
 did not, he should take me by force of arms. Finally 
 I said I would go over to Mrs. Gillette s before tea. 
 I did so, and of course they made me go to Mrs. 
 Hooker s. I said to Mr. Gillette that I did not think 
 in the afternoon I should be there, and I meant not 
 to come. He said, well, he meant to have me there. 
 There were only their own friends there two edi 
 tors, a lawyer, and a member of Congress ! besides a 
 couple of authors ! ! and all the children. Never, 
 never, never, was I such a perfect fool as I was all 
 the time. I lost my self-control in the first place 
 and did not recover it all the while. It is well that 
 Dr. B. has some regard for my writing, for he cer 
 tainly can have none for me, judging from my exhi 
 bition of myself yesterday. I have not one pleasant
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 147 
 
 feeling or recollection connected with it, only that 
 everybody was so kind to me, and tried to make me 
 easy. Of course I don t mean that I was in an equally 
 flurried state all the time, only that I was not myself 
 at all. Anyway, Dr. Bailey said he considered me 
 one of the most valuable contributors to his paper, 
 and a good deal of that sort. Said he had not read 
 the last piece, "What is it, Mr. Gillette, Brown 
 Bread ?" and Mr. G. said it was "Brown Bread 
 Cakes," so I found out two things : one that that 
 piece is published, which I did not know, as I have 
 not received the last two " Eras," and another that 1 
 have the honor of having Mr. Gillette for a reader. 
 Ah ! well, it is all over now, and I have survived it. 
 I drove home with Mr. and Mrs. Hawley. He is 
 editor of the " Press " in this city. 
 
 Monday, Dr. Murdock (D.D.) was in my Logic 
 class, and stopped talking with me at noon till nearly 
 one. Said he hoped now I had given up all thoughts 
 of leaving, and considered myself settled here for the 
 present. I asked him what made him think about 
 any such thing. He smiled, and said he had heard 
 of my leaving on account of the inequality of salary ; 
 said he thought it was wrong, and should not respect 
 a woman if she quietly submitted and thought it right. 
 Still lie thought I ought to stay for the good I could 
 do. That afternoon about four o clock a young lady 
 came to me and said that Mr. and Mrs. Douglass, of 
 Mauch Chunk, were at the door, and would like to see 
 me. So I went to the door, and afterwards I went to 
 the station with them, as they were going to Windsor. 
 They renewed their proposition very urgently, partic 
 ularly Mr. Douglass. Asked me to set my own price, 
 etc. I went back, told Mr. Curtis. He wanted me
 
 148 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 to go over to Dr. Murdock s, so wo went ; had a long 
 talk. Dr. M. thought I ought to stay miserable 
 little coal- hole was Mauch Chunk. Great city was 
 Hartford, better for me, for the school, etc. The 
 next day he wrote a little sermon and sent me. It 
 was capital ! Text, " Stay where you be." Regu 
 larly divided and all. I should like to have you see 
 it. Finally I concluded yesterday that if they would 
 give me three additional weeks of vacation, I would 
 stay. So it is settled. I wonder what the next flare- 
 up will be. I have been in a fever the last two days. 
 It is very pleasant once in a while to find out how 
 much people think of you. 
 
 OCTOBER 1C. 
 
 All the banks in Hartford but one have suspended, 
 in fact, all over the country it is the same, couse- 
 quentby merchants look brighter. The bills of the 
 suspended banks pass perfectly well. The chief diffi 
 culty is scarcity of change, specie being locked up. 
 I consider you rather a fastidious correspondent. You 
 don t care to have me write the events of every day, 
 but what, I beg to know, do you expect me to write ? 
 I have very few stirring adventures, or hair-breadth 
 escapes. There is no civil war or revolution. I 
 could write you an essay on Logic if you wished it, 
 or a Treatise on Educational Institutions, but I think 
 that would not be very interesting. I am sorry you 
 are grown so ambitious as not to be satisfied with com 
 mon things. As for me, I am content to walk in the 
 path of duty, be it ever so humble. 
 
 OCTOBER 17. 
 
 I want you to send that ten-dollar bill back to me. 
 I have had the credit of my generosity and now I
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 149 
 
 want my bill. Seriously, I wish you would send it to 
 me in the course of a week, as I can use it advantage 
 ously at its par value, and when money gets agoing 
 again, I will send you a bill in exchange. AU the 
 banks but one in H. having suspended, one is just as 
 good as another. I have about five dollars in silver 
 which I have to use in an emergency. If I lose, and 
 if you lose, our property we will " travel on the con 
 tinent" sure enough. I am not afraid, however. Now 
 that the banks have suspended, business men seem 
 to look brighter. 
 
 Sunday, Dr. Hawes preached a sermon on " the 
 times." As it had been announced in the papers, a 
 good many from other churches were present. Mr. 
 Warburton did not like it. " How hardly shall they 
 that have riches, etc." Mr. W., however, does not 
 like Dr. Hawes over-much at any time. In the after 
 noon there were two strangers, ladies, in the pew. I 
 was there first. I stood to let them go by me. Only 
 one attempted it. I had on hoops. She had on 
 hoops. I compressed. She compressed. Tug 
 squeeze push there we go. No, her shawl has 
 caught in my palm-leaf fan. Can t move won t come 
 off. Oh, dear ! what a time. The next time I shall 
 not try to let a lady go by. 
 
 OCTOBER 19. 
 
 Thursday I received a letter from Dr. Bailey, in 
 which he says : " Dear Gail : The author, a Virginia 
 woman whom I know not, wishes me to send this to 
 you. After reading it you may blow a hurricane 
 rather than a Gale. Abominably yours, G. Bailey." 
 The woman goes on to say : " Dear Gail Hamilton : 
 Pardon the familarity of my address, but I have read 
 you smilingly (you gay, merry sprite) for so many
 
 150 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 pleasant autumn evenings, that to address yon as a 
 stranger just now seems to be a moral impossibility." 
 After going on a page or two in this way, she says : 
 "I want to tell you some of my impressions about 
 you. In the first place, I was impressed with the 
 idea that you were a spritely bachelor incog., dash 
 ing off witty speeches in irresistible style, with no 
 better end in view than to turn young damsels 
 heads. " A very non-complimentary idea, was it not ? 
 " Well, don t be offended. You ll allow, dear Gail, 
 that you do write a little masculinely, and make an 
 occasional speech which might sound in better taste 
 coming from a bearded lip than from gentle rose-bud 
 lips like yours. Now let me admonish you, dear Gail 
 (I ve no desire to raise a </?e ), that although I love 
 you dearly as a child of genius, I must tell you plainly 
 that it pains me to have you veil your better nature 
 thus. You were never made to trifle and dally thus, 
 be assured. Why not rouse those dormant powers 
 and wield your pen as I am sure you can, so as to 
 make yourself both useful and distinguished." and 
 so on. What do you think is best to do about it ? 
 "Dormant powers," indeed. She evidently thinks I 
 have nothing to do but write and does not know that 
 my writing is but a recreation after a hard day s work. 
 In the afternoon Mr. Smith was in school. I had 
 on my new blue silk. He said : "Do you want to 
 know what I thought when I saw you standing on the 
 platform?" Of course I did. " Well, of that verse, 
 and all the blue ethereal sky which I consider a 
 very remarkable example of poetical enthusiasm in 
 Thomas Smith, Esq., saddle-maker. Had a letter 
 from Augusta containing the unfortunate ten-dollar 
 bill which has caused so much trouble. I knew I
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 151 
 
 could use it here, and I thought she could not there. 
 Sunday Mr. Eustis, of New Haven, preached. I 
 liked him very much, and I believe people gener 
 ally did. In the evening I read Miss Beecher s new 
 work, which I considered so heterodox. I was not 
 particularly impressed. 
 
 JANUARY 4, 1858. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I wished very much last Satur 
 day night that I could send you word of my safe 
 arrival, but I suppose you have before this concluded 
 that no news is good news. Sunday I went to church. 
 Coming home, Mr. C. gave me a letter which he had 
 sent me last Monday. It had been sent from Hamil 
 ton to Hartford. In it he had directed me to see 
 certain teachers in Lawrence, Danvers, Salem, Fall 
 River, Framingham, etc. My expenses were to be 
 paid. I should have spent the Sabbath with you in 
 Cambridge, and had a grand time riding round. He 
 was very much disappointed that I did not receive 
 the letter. Found also a letter from Grace Greenwood 
 and her husband. She says : "My dear Mad-cap: 
 Your cool refreshing letter of the 9th came in due 
 time. Did you rightly know, when penning it, whether 
 you stood on your topsy or your turvy ? 1 owe you 
 for another long hearty laugh, but to pay you now is 
 1 past my power. " The letter from her husband is 
 as much of a wild-cat" as was mine. Among other 
 things, he says : " Tell her if she does not treat me 
 better I won t let you run over to Hartford when yxm 
 make your visit to New York in February." So I 
 suppose she has such a thing in mind. 
 
 I understand Dr. Murdock has decided to accept 
 his Boston call. I think I shall read a part of his ser 
 mon to him the next time I see him. I have copied it
 
 152 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 on another sheet and send it to you. I went last 
 night with Mrs. Owen and Miss Tallunt to a lecture 
 by Dr. I. Hayes, a gentleman who accompanied Dr. 
 Kane in his Arctic expedition in search of Sir John 
 Franklin. I was very much interested, and should 
 have been if Dr. Kane s dog had lectured. He was a 
 rather small, slight man, who did not look as if he 
 could ever have craved tallow candles, or eaten raw 
 rats. What would Alvin say to see an Esquimaux 
 eating ten or twelve pounds of walrus beef at a meal? 
 His lecture was very simple and conversational in 
 style. 
 
 FEBRUARY 11. 
 
 I went out skating for the first time last Monday 
 evening Sam, Henry, Bessie, Sarah, Maria, a Miss 
 Taiutor, who is visiting here, and myself. We took 
 a lantern. They fastened my skates on and I man 
 aged to stand, and finally went round the pond twice 
 alone, fell down twice, and was considered quite an 
 expert scholar. 
 
 James Russell Lowell, the Poet, of Cambridge or 
 Boston, delivered a poem on music before the Institute 
 last Tuesday. I liked it very well some parts very 
 well. Yesterday forenoon I went over to the Semi 
 nary to hear a class in Logic, the first time I have been 
 to the Seminary since I taught there. The building 
 has been greatly improved. I waited and waited with 
 Miss Parker, but the class did not come down, and 
 finally Miss Ramsay sent down word that it would 
 not recite that day, so I returned as I went. I have 
 an invitation to tea to-morrow evening at Mr. Watkin- 
 son s, with Mr. and Mrs. Pres. Goodwin, and rather 
 think I shall go.
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 153 
 
 FEBRUARY 15. 
 
 An eye is not to be trifled with. It is a consolation 
 to reflect that if I ever do become blind I shall not be 
 wholly compauionless, isolated, and desolate. Still, I 
 would rather have my one eye than the best reader in 
 the world. " What about writing for the Congrega- 
 tionalist ? " Why, nothing in particular, only I took 
 it into my head to write a little story for them and did 
 so, and sent it, and they, you see, thought it was 
 mighty good and wanted to make an engagement with 
 me, /"spose," but had their hands full already, and so, 
 to keep me along, sent me a couple of dollars. Little 
 enough to be sure, but it didn t take long to write it 
 and seventy-five cents an hour is not bad, particularly 
 when you would not be doing anything else. Well, that 
 two dollars is gone except forty-nine cents, and for 
 mercy s sake if you have any money belonging to me 
 send it on, and do it quick if you don t want me to go 
 distracted. I learn in various ways the authors in 
 the "Atlantic Monthly " sometimes by the news 
 papers, sometimes by the style, and sometimes by 
 private information. Fred Perkins, son of Mrs. 
 Stowe s sister, wrote "The Librarian s Slory " in the 
 last one. Please put it down in the magazine. 
 
 The " Home Journal" I send with this has in it a 
 marked paragraph about Wright, the Artist. The 
 lady referred to is Mary Peck. She is rich, beautiful, 
 intelligent, enthusiastic, sensible, graceful, charming. 
 At least, so I gather from some of her friends. She 
 comes to our school once a week to take lessons in 
 French of Miss Tallant, who likes her. Miss T. 
 spent an evening with her a few days ago, and this 
 Mr. Wright was there. She did not know at the time 
 that they were engaged. I went to Mrs. Watkinson s
 
 154 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 to tea Friday. Mrs. Watkinson is mother of Mrs. 
 Iluntington. They are English, at least he is - house 
 full of pictures, engravings, etc., and oh, my ! father, 
 they had a smashing fire in the parlor and another in 
 the dining-room, I believe, and more than all, a 
 smashing fire in the entry and nobody anywhere near 
 it. I suppose they had a fire in the kitchen, as we 
 hud tea and oysters, but I don t know. Saturday 
 morning, about eleven o clock, I took my skates and 
 marched over to Mr. Gillette s and several of us went 
 down to the river and skated till dinner time. The 
 river flows by their house. I made out a little. 
 When I was tired I seated myself ou a sled and 
 Edward Gillette skated me away down, down river 
 ever so far. It was splendid. After dinner I in 
 tended to go home, but a gentleman came from 
 Farmington with his skates and they all wanted me to 
 stay so much that I did and we went to the river 
 again. This time I improved considerably. The 
 gentleman was a very fine skater and cut all sorts of 
 antics on the ice, said that he thought in two or three 
 days more I should skate quite easily. Alas ! the 
 snow has come and spoiled the skating and I am 
 afraid I shall lose what I have gained. Your caution 
 is very good but needless, as I do not go on the ice 
 alone but only where several have preceded me. 
 Consequently they would probably break in first. 
 They jump and stamp about in all directions, and / 
 could not break the ice if I wished. Augusta, can t 
 you imagine the " halliballoo" of getting mother away 
 to Beverly ? Don t you wish you had been there ? Did 
 father offer any opinion as to the flight of time, the 
 necessity of facilitating matters as much as possible, 
 or a suggestion touching the inexorable punctuality of
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORS HIP 155 
 
 cars? Secondly, father s kind supervision of the 
 dinner in mother s absence, and your quiet internal 
 chuckle thereat. 
 
 Mother, you seem to lie under a mistake in wishing 
 me not to skate on deep ponds. The ice always 
 comes to the top of the water. Consequently, whether 
 the pond be deep or shallow, we don t skate in the 
 water at all, which besides being inconvenient, would 
 be very uncomfortable in cold weather. 
 
 FEBRUARY 23. 
 
 I am very busy now in school very busy ordi 
 nary and extraordinary things about fill up my time. 
 One of the extraordinaries was that I yesterday 
 learned that two of our girls had not spoken to each 
 other since last May. Miss Hunt had talked to each 
 of them and tried to have them make up, in vain. 
 She wanted me to take them in hand and see what I 
 could effect. I was determined to have no such folly 
 in school. I took them both together into my recita 
 tion room this noon and " pitched into them" pell 
 mell, made them shake hands and say good morning, 
 and promise to say good morning and good night every 
 day for a week, and never to hear any one else say 
 anything against either of the others without telling 
 that person it should be investigated, so that was 
 settled. Then the boys want to get up a kind of ex 
 hibition, speaking pieces, etc. Mr. Curtis and myself 
 both felt sorry. They wanted me to go and hear 
 them rehearse last night, so I did and found they had 
 selected a regular " blood and thunder" piece, have 
 nine pistols discharged, and two or three people shot 
 dead. Question is to get them to give up the piece 
 and the whole Ihiug. I took one of the prominent
 
 156 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 boys upstairs to-night and talked with him. Ho 
 acquiesced and promised to speak with some of the 
 other boys, but how it will turn out, I don t know. 
 So the time passes and examinations commence in a 
 month and then ! 
 
 MARCH 2. 
 
 MY DEAU MOTHKK : The spiing is come, but we are 
 having a most wintry, if not the most wintry day of 
 the season. I am up, however, and writing to you 
 before breakfast. I have also this morning finished 
 a letter to Ellen Hobbs. I wrote to her New Year s 
 time and did not receive her answer till yesterday. 
 You know when she wrote to me a year ago, she had 
 a little boy ten weeks old. He died last September. 
 He was very sensitive, intellectual, and precocious. 
 Though only ten months old at the time of his death, 
 he talked considerably of course he died. She has 
 now a little girl three months old, commonplace and 
 pretty and will very likely live. Two of her brothers 
 are in college and one at Exeter. I don t often write 
 a second New Year s letter, but I thought I would 
 answer hers. Her husband has built a house out of 
 town, where they are now living. Her sister, who was 
 married shortly before I visited Wakefield, lias three 
 children. So goes the world marriages, births, 
 deaths, and moral reflections. 
 
 What was the matter with Abigail Annable ? Death 
 would be to her nothing but great gain, but I think 
 Mrs. must be a good deal surprised during her 
 first few days in heaven. She has probably had her 
 opinions a good deal modified on some points by this 
 time. It seems to me there has been an unusual 
 amount of illness and death lately in your vicinity. 
 Thanks to God that death may be only a transfer to a
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 157 
 
 higher and holier life ! It often seems strange to me 
 that we, who believe in a happy immortality, should 
 so fear to die. I suppose there will always be a 
 natural shrinking from it, yet we can trust God so 
 much as to trust Him even in the dark valley, and 
 especially when we think of the joy that waits for us 
 beyond. I have thought about this lately more than 
 usual, and the more I think of it, the less fearful it 
 seems to me. 
 
 How long has S s baby been sick? I hope it will 
 not live to be deficient in intellectual power. In fact, 
 I don t think there is much objection to babies dying 
 anyway. They miss a great deal of pain and sorrow. 
 
 I don t suppose C would thank me for saying it. 
 
 Your children, mother, had first, strong constitutions ; 
 secondly, plenty of fresh air; thirdly, coarse food; 
 and fourthly, were not nursed and petted to death 
 therefore they did not have fits. 
 
 I bought to-day a cunning pair of little white thibet 
 shoes embroidered with brown silk, to send to Mr. 
 Capron s baby, who is on the way to this vale of tears, 
 and have done them up with the following note, which 
 you may read, if you wish, and if you don t, you 
 need not : 
 
 Little Baby feet, patter, patter, 
 
 Coming hither down the road from Heaven 
 Little Baby cheek, rest softly 
 
 On the Mother s breast God hath given 
 Little Baby life, float lightly 
 
 In the sea of love round thee flowing 
 Little Baby sun, rise brightly, 
 
 Far be the night of thy going 
 Little Baby soul, love wisdom 
 
 Borne to thee in fatherly caresses
 
 158 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Little Baby heart, learn goodness 
 
 Dropt to thee in motherly kisses 
 Love-guided wisdom be thy pole-star, 
 
 So shall the Earth-life given, 
 Be but a firm and gentle treading 
 
 Back again along the road to Heaven. 
 
 MAY 24. 
 
 I have a class in Literature in the morning and one 
 in the afternoon, that is all the regular classes. I 
 have besides the care of all the compositions. Bertha 
 Olmsted teaches in the morning only. Miss Hunt, 
 Tallant, and I are going to read Virgil together at 
 noon by way of brushing up our Latinity. Mr. 
 Washburn, the Rector of St. John s Church (Episco 
 pal), is delivering a course of lectures on English 
 Literature before the Senior Class of Triuity College, 
 and the public are invited to attend, so I take my 
 class, which has been studying it a year, and go. 
 They are twice a week, generally Wednesday and 
 Friday at half-past two, and last perhaps an hour 
 and a half. The public don t respond to the invita 
 tion so readily as they might. I find he goes over 
 nearly the same ground that I have in my classes, but 
 it is very good for them as a review. 
 
 I bought some erasive soap that professes to take 
 out spots without taking out color and applied it to 
 that huge spot on my blue dress. It has done all it 
 professed to do as regards taking out the spot, and 
 what it professed not to do in taking out the color. 
 Still, it is an improvement on the dark spot, as it only 
 looks a little lighter than the rest, and may be attrib 
 uted to light and shade, but the best receipt after all 
 for taking spots of any kind out of silk dresses, is not 
 to get them on.
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 159 
 
 I went into a picture shop with Miss Tallant the 
 other day to see an aquarium, and it was really worth 
 seeing. It is a glass box with pebbles and sand in 
 the bottom and plants growing up among them and 
 fishes, lizards, etc., darting about. It is in fact a 
 miniature ocean. I wish you could see one. By the 
 way, your collar is universally admired. Mrs. Owen 
 noticed it of herself. I told her you worked it. 
 " What ! " she said in astonishment, " your mother ! " 
 It was the close worked one. I have not worn the 
 other yet. The people here have a way of calling me 
 " John," in allusion to my shorn locks, I suppose. 
 
 MAY 31. 
 
 I had a letter from Grace Friday. Her husband 
 sent " tell G. H. my soul yet lies at her feet waiting 
 to be picked up by her gracious hands," whereat 
 Grace asks "are you good at finding small valuables? " 
 whereat I replied " Leander lies at my feet, does, he? 
 I dare say he lied at yours once, didn t he? It s rny 
 opinion he would lie anywhere." He looked over her 
 letter afterwards and professed himself indignant at 
 the way in which she had desecrated and ridiculed his 
 most loving and eloquent message, and said that if 
 his soul chanced to flutter down to the delicate Chinese 
 terminations of any other woman, why, perspective 
 has a most annihilating effect upon it and I said to 
 Grace I would not be content with letting perspective 
 have an annihilating effect on his soul as he probably 
 would not mind that in the least, but I would let a 
 broomstick do the same good office to his body, where 
 he would, doubtless be more vulnerable. Ain t I 
 "cunning, and couldn t I throw this pumpkin right 
 over the meeting-house with my little finger?"
 
 160 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Mr. Thomas K. Beecher, who used to be the Princi 
 pal of the High School, preached for Dr. Buslmell in 
 the forenoon, and I went to hear him. It was a pre 
 liminary discourse to one he was to preach in the 
 evening. Heard Dr. Hawes in the afternoon, in the 
 evening Mr. Beecher. I liked him much better than 
 in the morning. The disagreeablenesses were not so 
 prominent and there was more substance. Ho reminds 
 you occasionally of his brother, Henry Ward. I be 
 lieve he is about thirty }-ears old. Very slight, thin, 
 and fair, but strong. The story runs that after he 
 left the High School here where he did not succeed 
 very well, he was very young he lounged around 
 New York awhile and finally thought, well, he didn t 
 know, guessed he d be a minister. The Association 
 met in a week, he went, was examined, admitted, 
 preached a sermon, and ivas a minister. 
 
 JUNE 16. 
 
 I am perfectly well and strong and vigorous, and 
 don t even get very tired, so you need not have any 
 anxiety about me. My vases and tumblers and mugs 
 are all full of flowers which the scholars have brought. 
 One of my boys brought me a note from a boy who 
 does not now attend school, asking me to excuse the 
 first one from school, that they might take a walk in 
 the woods together. As they were both good boys I 
 let them go, and when I was going home from school, 
 I met them with their hands full of checkerberry 
 leaves, which they gave me, saying they had picked 
 them for me, as a kind of peace offering, I suppose. 
 Saturday I did a variety of mending, more sewing 
 than I have done before in all the term, I rather 
 think, and went to a prayer meeting in the after-
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 161 
 
 noon. I have not been before this term, but as it 
 was very rainy, and I thought there would not be 
 many there, I concluded to sanction it with my pres 
 ence. That is my principle. I don t feel it a partic 
 ular duty to go to church when everybody else goes. 
 
 Mr. Wilcox has had an invitation to go to Sandwich 
 Islands to be Professor in a college in Honolulu. The 
 gentleman who was after him was here Wednesday 
 and wanted him to decide that night. He said he 
 could not decide without going to New Haven to see 
 his mother, so they went down that night, was to 
 return in the morning but did not, telegraphed to me 
 at ten o clock that he was detained till noon, and that 
 " probabilities were poised." He did not come at 
 noon, and I have not yet seen him. His mother s 
 only brother is living in Honolulu, and several ladies 
 of his father s congregation, and he thinks his mother 
 and sisters might possibly go with him. Salary 
 would be fifteen hundred dollars a year. We rather 
 advise him to go. 
 
 JUNE 23. 
 
 Grace Greenwood or rather her husband sent me a 
 very nice organdie muslin dress pattern last Saturday. 
 In writing to him a few days before, I sent him three 
 samples of muslin, asking him which he advised me to 
 buy. He replied that he thought them all too much 
 inclined to lilac to suit ray complexion, and so 
 ventured to send me a dress, and as one good turn 
 deserves another, he sent me enclosed two bits of 
 black and white checked cloth, and begged to know 
 which I thought would be the best to mend his black 
 trousers with ! He did not say whether he expected 
 me to send him a new pair of trousers by return of 
 mail.
 
 162 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 JUNE 25. 
 
 Mrs. Downing is a lady from Newburgh, New 
 York. Do you remember the burning of the steam 
 ship " Henry Clay," on Hudson River, several years 
 ago? It was very near shore, and many swam and 
 were saved, but many lost. She and her husband, 
 mother, and sister were on board. He was a good 
 swimmer, and got her safe on shore, but in trying to 
 save the others was himself drowned. It is supposed 
 that some one clung to him and drew him under. He 
 was perhaps the finest designer, or architect, in the 
 country, and in the prime of life. This lady is his 
 widow. I took out also a letter from Mr. Lippin- 
 cott, Grace G. s husband, who declared that if he 
 should be asked to point out a goose, and the goosiest 
 goose that ever moulted feather, he should direct the 
 person so asking, to me. 
 
 Mother, if you don t want to go to heaven before 
 your time don t do anything this warm weather. 
 Fasten up the doors, sit in the smallest possible quan 
 tity of clothing, and take a palm-leaf fan, which, by 
 the way, may be had for three cents. Don t you want 
 me to invest in them for you? 
 
 Good morning, 
 
 Yours affectionately, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 Sunday I did not go to church, but read and rested 
 and slept at home. Monday John carried me to 
 school. I had a little headache, but not of any con 
 sequence. At noon I went to Mrs. Olmsted s to 
 dinner. Aunt Maria was there from Litchlicld. They 
 began to scold because I had stayed away so long, 
 but after I told them 1 had been sick, kept on scold-
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP ] 63 
 
 ing because I came out so soou. Mrs. Olmsted per 
 sists in her belief that I shall finally be insane. Other 
 people, I am bound to add, do not give her much 
 credit. Tuesday morning it was very warm and pleas 
 ant, and I walked to school. Miss Perkins, daughter 
 of the sister of Mrs. Beecher Stowe, and a Miss 
 Beecher, who I believe is herself a teacher, were in 
 school awhile in the morning. Towards noon it rained 
 and I rode home and back again. I mention this 
 that you may see I have good care taken of me. In 
 fact, I have only to hint a wish, and a horse, carriage, 
 and man are at my disposal. For two or three days, 
 I am sorry to say, there had been a slight rent in my 
 velvet belt where I wear my watch, and I am sorrier 
 to say my watch had several times slipped out, and I 
 am sorriest of all to say that Tuesday noon it came 
 out with a crash against one of the benches, and 
 smash went the crystal ! I gathered up the fragments 
 and distributed them among the Senior class as me 
 mentoes of me. (The belt is not mended yet. Don t 
 scold.) Tuesday night I went to Mrs. Owen s to tea, 
 and to go to Brownlee Brown s lecture on painting, 
 but Mrs. Owen was going to a party. She gave me 
 her ticket, however, and I went over to the Hunt s 
 and went with them, and afterwards returned to Mrs. 
 Owen s and spent the night. To-day I went to Bolles 
 and Roberts with Misses Tallaut and Hunt, to look 
 at pictures, among others one of East Rock, New 
 Haven. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 17. 
 
 The expected letter came yesterday. He says : 
 "We are satisfied and gratified. Come, then, just 
 as soon as you can, and advise us of the time of your 
 starting. If I could be certain of the day and hour
 
 164 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 of your arrival, I or some one would meet you with 
 my carriage. As to money matters be aisy. I know 
 something about the sore point in women. Better not 
 let the Hartford people persuade you to stay even a 
 week," etc., etc. 
 
 I had a letter from L. K. L. last Thursday contain 
 ing a photograph of Grace. It is a very handsome 
 face and must, I think, be rather flattering, as I have 
 always understood that she is not handsome. The 
 eyes and hair are very fine. I sent her a letter the 
 next day announcing my decision to go to Washington, 
 and asking about the disposition of her essay. I will 
 let you know when I hear from her. I have delayed 
 finishing this letter because I wanted to give you some 
 definite information about my journey. Miss - is 
 here in town. She came down to see me yesterday at 
 the schoolhouse, and spent an hour in giving me in 
 formation on various subjects connected with Wash 
 ington. She was very happy there, but I am perfectly 
 certain that I shall be awfully homesick. They dine 
 at three, and have supper at eight, brought into the 
 parlor by two waiters, and there is always, almost, 
 company there. That of itself will be horrible. Only 
 she says Dr. Bailey is not well, and that may be a 
 reason why they will be more quiet than they have 
 been. I am sorry he is ill, but on the other hand I 
 cannot say I wish to be swallowed up by society. 
 Well, as you very justly remarked, one can bear to 
 be homesick for a year. Mr. Huntington says he 
 hopes Dr. Bailey lives where he can say Good morn 
 ing " to me once in a while. He said yesterday he 
 should call early and take me over to Georgetown to 
 see the monks and nuns, etc. One of my old grad-
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 
 
 uates sent me yesterday a glass dish of grapes and 
 flowers as a farewell gift. 
 
 Now about your coming. I want you to come. I 
 think I shall be able to get ready so that the most of 
 my time can be devoted to you, and you can be intro 
 duced to the lions on Saturday at least. You need 
 not come solely on my account, or because you think 
 I shall be disappointed if you don t. I want you to 
 come to see Hartford. I shall take you down to see 
 some of my friends if you would like to see them, and 
 I think you would. 
 
 WASHINGTON, D.C., Sept. 29, 1858. 
 
 At the station I found several of the teachers and 
 all the girls of the Senior class except one who is in 
 New York, and all the boys who are in town of 
 course there was a crowd. When I entered the cars 
 I had to pass through two or three before I could find 
 a seat, and they would all move when I moved, form 
 ing a very respectable procession. When I subsided 
 they collected round the window and altogether looked 
 so funny I could not tell whether to laugh or cry, so 
 did both, I believe. We went on to New Haven Mr. 
 Curtis, Mr. Owen, and I then to New York with 
 Mr. Owen, where we stayed over night. In the even 
 ing we patronized the Academy of Music. Now, 
 mother, the A. of M. is not a theatre, not in the least. 
 It is an Italian Opera. The building is new and very 
 splendid in its way, but not the least bit like our 
 meeting-house! There is an enormous amount of 
 white paint and gilding, and red cloth, and little 
 cupids without any clothes on, stuck all over it, and 
 a great many women who thought they looked pretty
 
 166 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and did, and a great many more who thought they 
 did and didn t and some had on bonnets and some 
 had none and many Germans and many Americans 
 with hair on their lips and occasionally on their heads, 
 fluttered about here and there a man by the stage 
 in white kid gloves whisked his stick, and then the 
 music began, and the curtain rose, and there was a 
 wood, then twenty or thirty men marched into the 
 wood, and none of their stockings came up to their 
 knees, and none of their frocks came down, and not 
 a trowser among them all, and everything they said 
 was in Italian, and they did not say anything at all 
 but sung it and they flourished awhile, and then 
 went off and a couple of women came on dressed in 
 an out of the way style, and one seemed to be in 
 great distress and the other with an arm like a sledge 
 hammer was continually picking her up when she 
 fainted and lopped which was no easy matter, for 
 she kept up a steady fainting and lopping all the time, 
 till a man came and the sledge-hammer went off, and 
 the other bounced into the man s arms and the man 
 bounced into hers, and then they bounced back again 
 and so on till that scene was over. 
 
 Then thirty or forty more men and women came 
 on and one was supposed to be a prince, with white 
 embroidered pantalets a deal too short and ankle- 
 tie shoes and a light blue thing that was put on for a 
 coat but was more like a short night-gown, and he 
 wanted to marry the fainting lady and she did not 
 want to marry him, and one yelled and another yelled 
 and they all yelled, and she went into a perfect 
 thunder shower of fainting fits, and they got into a 
 terrible muss generally and the Italian opera was 
 over or rather two acts were over, for we didn t
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 167 
 
 stay to see it out. Then I went home and went to 
 bed and had a very comfortable night s sleep. After 
 an early breakfast, was taken to the ferry boat, Mr. 
 Owen crossing with me, when he found a Mr. C. 
 who was going to Philadelphia, and consigned me to 
 his care. He was familiar with the route and pointed 
 out all the objects of interest. At Philadelphia Mr. 
 C. found a Mr. M. from Mississippi who was going 
 to Washington. He was a very sensible man and 
 slept most of the time, except when I spoke to him, 
 which I did occasionally to see him jump. He had a 
 bad habit of receiving my most trifling remarks with 
 an air of deep solemnity, which was very provoking. 
 It is bad enough to say foolish things, but it is a good 
 deal worse to have people think that you think you 
 have said something wise. Then he would be asleep 
 when we had to change, and I would spare his feel 
 ings and not wake him, knowing that the people jost 
 ling against him in passing out would do that, and 
 suddenly he would start up and look wildly around 
 and say, "Are you going to get out?" "Perhaps 
 weh ad better, sir, the people seem to be getting out." 
 I managed to pick up his things for him and poke him 
 along till we got safely to Washington, but it was a 
 great care for me. We had to change cars ever so 
 many times crossed rivers in boats three times 
 the Hudson, Delaware, and Susquehauua. We rode 
 through Philadelphia and Baltimore in horse cars. 
 Marcellus met me at the station in Washington and 
 took me home. It was about eight o clock when we 
 got to the house, where I saw the whole family. Mr. 
 and Mrs. Bailey are very polite and kind and home 
 like. You are to give yourself no uneasiness about 
 me, as I really think I shall be very comfortable.
 
 168 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 SEPTEMBER 30. 
 
 DEAR " OLD FOLKS AT HOME" : Where did I leave 
 you last ? Did I tell you about going down the first 
 evening, and about Grace Greenwood s picture? It 
 hangs in the parlor and represents her as a very 
 handsome woman. They told me about her being 
 here, and her husband boarded opposite and used to 
 be sending love letters over to her, Marcellus said. 
 They talked about Mr. Wood, too, and gave him a 
 great many virtues. I asked if he wore gold-bowed 
 spectacles, and was told that he did, and was showed 
 his portrait. He looks as clever as a kitten. He is 
 away now, but is very enthusiastic, I am told, at the 
 prospect of G. H. s advent. I forgot to tell you that 
 when we were driving to the ferry, Mr. Owen and I 
 had a confidential talk. He said I knew that as long 
 as the present administration lasted, there would 
 alway be a place in the High School for me. I said, 
 suppose there should be no vacancy. He said that if 
 I expressed a wish at any time to return, there would 
 be a vacancy found fast enough, and if no other way 
 opened, they would increase the number of teachers 
 for awhile, so that if I found in the course of five or 
 six weeks I was not going to like, to have no delicacy 
 about returning. I don t think I shall, but it is pleas 
 ant to know I can. Mr. C. told me on the way that 
 I should find a great difference in treatment at the 
 South, that people there thought much more of my 
 profession than people at the North. I replied at 
 once that I did not wish to be treated any better than 
 I had been, that I had been more than appreciated 
 and wondered that people thought as much of me as 
 they did. He looked slightly astonished, but I wasn t
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 169 
 
 going to have him considering me as one of the down 
 trodden. 
 
 Dr. and Mrs. Bailey both said that I must have one 
 day to look round in, so they ordered the carriage and 
 drove me round the city to get a general view. The 
 streets are very broad and everything has an unfin 
 ished look, and nearly everything is unfinished, but 
 the buildings will be splendid when they are finished. 
 The Potomac is a broad and beautiful river, not very 
 pretty color, but bright in the sun and with green and 
 wooded banks. Pennsylvania Avenue is the main 
 street, and has the Capitol at one end and the White 
 House at the other. The latter is smaller and more 
 home-like than I supposed, and the public buildings 
 far finer and grander. There are very few elegant 
 private residences. Judge Douglas house, Lord Na 
 pier s, and some others were pointed out to me. It 
 will take at least a year to see all I want to see. We 
 did not examine anything yesterday. I will enter 
 into details when I have details to enter into. After 
 I returned home, Judge Huntington called to see me 
 and stayed till dinner time. I was very glad to see 
 him, and rather surprised, as I had not supposed he 
 would call so soon. After dinner (and by the way, 
 Augusta, we don t live in the way you surmise at all. 
 We have hot corn-bread and biscuits, cold bread, 
 meat, etc., at breakfast; sweet potatoes, one or two 
 kinds of meat, sauce, beans, fruit, etc., for dinner, 
 and supper I have been down to only once) I wrote 
 letters most of the time to you and Mr. Curtis, the 
 latter of which I bequeathed to the citizens of Hart 
 ford generally. 
 
 Yesterday afternoon we took a delightful drive into 
 the country. In fact, we drive every day after dinner,
 
 170 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 not missing a day. They have a large carriage, two 
 seats, with the top thrown back, I don t know what 
 you call it. We get through dinner about four. I 
 shall not drive every day, as I Avant the time, but 
 the weather is very delightful now, and I want to see 
 everything. You just go across a common and you 
 are in the country at once, and a " very pretty coun 
 try," as Mr. Mitchell would say. A great many trees 
 and beautiful trees ; cedar, just as regular as if they 
 were trimmed every day, and hills and woods and 
 water. Oh, it is magnificent. I haven t enjoyed 
 anything so much as that drive in the country. Mr. 
 Corcoran s house and grounds are splendid and splen 
 didly laid out. Do you not remember reading about 
 a rich banker in Washington who had a fuss about 
 his daughter and a Spanish cavalier? Well, he is the 
 man. Senators Douglas, Rice, and Vice-Presideut 
 Breckeuridge live in one block of dingy, ugly old 
 brick houses, though they are said to be very elegant 
 inside. In the evening a Miss Hatty Lindsay, who 
 visited in Hartford, and who is the sister of Mrs. 
 Washburn, Judge Huutington s minister, was here. 
 She came up into my room a little while. Afterwards 
 Mr. Huntington called and spent the evening with 
 me. I am waiting for him now to call and go up to 
 the Capitol with me. His office is in the Capitol and 
 he knows all about it, of course, so I shall have a fine 
 chance to see things. I finished a piece for the " Cou- 
 gregationalist " this morning. I have my table in the 
 corner of my room and it is about covered with the 
 gifts of my friends. 
 
 I have just been reading an account of the burning 
 of the "Austria." That Mr. Busch was lost on board 
 it. He was drawing-teacher in our school. I went to
 
 BEGINNINGS OF AUTHORSHIP 171 
 
 the Capitol this morning and tired myself out with 
 sight-seeing. I can t begin to tell you half. First 
 we went to Judge H. s rooms. The ceiling and walls 
 are all painted in oil and frescoed, and it is so in all 
 the rooms. Beautiful paintings, imitating those found 
 in the old Greek and Roman cities. Tapestry carpets, 
 and velvet chairs, and marble-top sinks, and plated 
 pitchers, and everything is on the same scale in all 
 the smaller office and committee rooms. The new 
 senate chamber, not yet finished, is a marvel of gild 
 ing and paint, simple and really pretty I think alto 
 gether unlike the Musical Academy at New York, yet 
 very elaborate. In the room of the Court of Claims 
 there are, I believe, three windows only, the curtains 
 and curtain fixtures to which cost $750.00. They 
 are a red woolleny cloth, wrought with yellow silk, 
 and manufactured in Manchester, England, and very 
 heavy and rich. The tops as well as the sides of the 
 rooms are all painted with pictures, you must remem 
 ber. For instance, there will be an oblong place of the 
 size and shape of a large window, painted blue, and 
 ornamented all around, and in the centre of the blue, 
 a woman. In the Senate and House there are no 
 paintings, but the cornices, ceiling, etc., are white 
 and gold. We went, also, into the old Senate cham 
 ber. I wanted to ask which was Charles Sumner s 
 seat, but I did not. However, Mr. H. pointed that 
 out to me first of all. I made myself at home in the 
 Speaker s stand, went up in the galleries, opened 
 the desks, went down cellar and saw the machinery 
 for warming and ventilating the building, which is 
 about the most wonderful part of the whole, and, 
 oh ! wouldn t it make father hitch to see the fires they 
 keep, even now, night and day, into the library, and
 
 172 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 oh ! the books, and the tasteful room, and the balus 
 trades, and oh ! the splendid marble columns, and the 
 balusters of red marble, and the statuary that is going 
 to be put up when the whole is finished ; and oh ! the 
 views from the windows, and oh ! my, well, I can t 
 give you the least idea of it anyway. The building 
 itself covers eight acres, and the grounds eight thou 
 sand for aught I know. I don t know how extensive 
 they are. The wings are new, the centre is the old 
 Capitol. The north wing contains the Senate. The 
 south contains the House. The central dome is also 
 unfinished. It is to be raised, I should think, more 
 than twice as high as it now is. There does not seem 
 to be any wood about the building. The staircases 
 are of marble, the balusters marble, overhead it is 
 either iron or painted. The dome is of iron. The 
 grounds are very fine and extensive. I went up there 
 this evening to hear the band play. A motley group 
 was collected. We are having delightful weather for 
 almost anything cool enough to be comfortable, 
 and warm enough to sit out doors and talk. The 
 streets arc very dusty. I went downstairs this even 
 ing and had a pleasant enough time, but I heard the 
 door-bell ring, and scud, notwithstanding Dr. Bailey 
 called to me to wait and see who it was.
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 
 
 1858-1859 
 
 173
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 
 
 1858-1859 
 
 OCTOBER 5. 
 
 You are anxious to have " a history of the operation 
 of the water- works," leaving Hartford. You want 
 to gloat over them, don t you? Very well, here goes. 
 Monday morning I gave particular notice that I did 
 not want rny friends to bid me good-bye. So when 
 the time came, I went down into the closet to put on 
 my bonnet and shawl like a sensible person, but Miss 
 Hunt must needs come down and set to, and of course 
 that upset me, so I indulged in a hysteric or two on 
 the spot, and then " choked off." When I got to Mr. 
 Owen s he was just going into his garden, and he be 
 gan to scold me for wearing my veil down, and to 
 make me lift it up, and then I began to laugh, etc., 
 again, so he cried "There! stop that!" and finally 
 poked off upstairs and said he was sure he did not 
 know what to do, and should send down Mrs. O. and 
 the Dr. I sat on the foot of the stairs and Mrs. 
 Owen and the Dr. came to the head. The latter pre 
 scribed a brandy sling which Mr. O. prepared and I 
 drank with Spartan firmness. So with occasional es 
 says at navigation I went on dry laud for the greater 
 part of the journey. In the afternoon we took a 
 175
 
 176 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 drive through the grounds of the Mr. Corcoran whom 
 I have mentioned before. Everything except the 
 house is on a fine scale. Old stone bridges with ivy 
 trailing over them, broad fields trimmed like a lawn, 
 a plantation of young trees to be transplanted, forests 
 of old trees that never were transplanted, stone barns, 
 and stables, and pens, and a little wooden cottage, and 
 a big stone porter s lodge, bear witness of the purse 
 and the taste of the great Mr. Corcoran, who began 
 life as a poor boy, and will probably end it as a rich 
 man, leaving as much of his property as he chooses to 
 his only daughter, whom report declares to be silly and 
 avaricious. The gold-spectacled The-ban has not yet 
 entered the capital city of America, but the frequent 
 mention of his name prevents a withdrawal of my in 
 terest in him. Saturday evening I went down to look 
 at the comet, but the comet was not visible behind 
 clouds. 
 
 OCTOBER 11. 
 
 Mrs. Bailey informed me that she had had twelve 
 children. They lost five children in Cincinnati, and 
 one, the youngest, since they came to Washington. 
 Marcellus, the eldest, is their fifth child. There was 
 but a year s difference between the ages of several. 
 They have been mobbed three times, twice in Cin- 
 cinati and once in Washington. The Dr. has three 
 printing-presses in the Ohio River. During the first 
 six months of their residence in Washington but one 
 lady called on Mrs. Bailey. When they were mobbed 
 here, the excitement and tumult lasted, I believe, 
 three days. One night their friends came in, took up 
 their sleeping children from the bed and carried them 
 to the house of the Mayor for safety. The trouble 
 was his persisting in publishing an anti-slavery news-
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 177 
 
 paper. Dr. Bailey has been in Washington twelve 
 years, and has never had any trouble since the 
 second year. 
 
 Wednesday, October 13. He has come, the " gold- 
 spectacled Theban." Little Maggie came up into my 
 room last night and said There is a gentleman 
 downstairs who wants to see you very much." I said 
 at once, Mr. Wood? " The same." I asked her if 
 her father sent her up. She said No, but she knew 
 Mr. Wood wanted to see me," for Frank said some 
 thing about Miss Abby, and Mr. Wood jumped and 
 said u Oh! where is she?" However, I made her go 
 down without me. Presently up she trotted again : 
 " Pa wants you to come downstairs very much, and 
 Mr. Wood told me to tell you not to wait, to come 
 right down this minute, he is very impatient to see you, 
 but ma said, No, Maggie, don t tell her that, for 
 she won t come if you do. " So I took a slip of paper 
 and wrote : 
 
 Let the line represent Miss Abby prostrate with terror 
 at the feet of Mr. Wood. Corollary Unable to move a 
 step. Scholium Traid to. Lemma (di). Given 
 under my hand and seal 
 
 and sent her down again. In the course of an hour 
 or so, Fanny, the oldest girl, came up and said, 4i Pa 
 wanted me to come down, that Mr. Wood would be 
 very much disappointed if I did not." He had just 
 come in from the cars, Fanny said, and had not been 
 home, but had been up in ma s room and washed and 
 " fixed " himself on purpose to see me, as he said he 
 should be ashamed to have me see him covered with 
 dust. She said moreover what was I going to do this 
 winter? I answered, " Sufficient unto the day is the 
 evil thereof." "Well," she said, " Pa said he was
 
 178 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 going to pitch me right in." However, I thought I 
 would not be pitched right in at once, and as I had 
 set out not to go down, I might as well keep it up. 
 So I wrote back something like this : 
 
 BULLETIN 2. 
 
 To the Autocrat of all the Baileys. 
 
 MY DEAR SIR : I suppose I am beginning to suffer the 
 tortures of a long martyrdom. If I had been downstairs 
 when Mr. Wood came, I should not have minded it, but 
 as for going down now and making myself a spectacle to 
 angels and to men, I cannot do it. Do you remember an 
 attack of delirium tremens I had at Hartford about a year 
 ago ? Do you want to witness another such scene ? What 
 mean ye to break my heart ? Anything you say to Mr. 
 W. I will subcribe to, but don t ask me to come down. 
 
 Yours collapsingly, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 and I poked Fanny downstairs again and heard no 
 more from them then. This morning when I went down 
 to breakfast, the Dr. began, " Well, I think youought 
 to be called Miss Dodge," and went on berating me 
 for not coming down. Mr. Wood would be very much 
 grieved. Mr. Wood was on tenter-hooks, Marcellus 
 said, and so they had it. I suppose I must make up 
 my mind to face him to-night. 
 
 Thursday, October 14. The deed is done, the 
 great victory achieved. About seven last night I re 
 luctantly arose to put myself into presentable condi 
 tion, donned my purple dotted muslin, brushed my 
 luxuriant tresses, mits, collar, etc., and went down 
 stairs. The door-bell rang, Mr. Wood was announced, 
 and came in. We were introduced. He has been 
 cruising round the country a long while, was in Hart 
 ford a few days after I left, and said he had hoped to
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 179 
 
 come on with me. We went on talking, the comet 
 came up. I turned to Mrs. Bailey suddenly, saying, 
 " there, I meant to look at the comet to-night." He 
 put down his cup of tea, the cup on the table, the tea 
 down his throat and said, "Come, I ll go with you 
 to see it." So he put on his hat and I caught one of 
 the children s and we posted down two or three streets 
 after the comet. We did not see it, however, and I did 
 not think we should all the time, as it was too late. 
 Then we came back. We had a circle and I became 
 quite interested in the conversation. He told us what 
 he had done, and where he had been, and the distin 
 guished people he had seen, and by and by he and 
 the Dr. began to play backgammon and I " scud" 
 upstairs. I don t like him so well as I expected. He 
 looks 3 ounger than I expected to see him. 
 
 OCTOBER 25. 
 
 We went to see the Panorama as agreed upon. It 
 was really fine, the first part in Australia, the two 
 last in China, the latter particularly good, the burning 
 of the English factories in Canton quite life-like, the 
 Chinese buildings well portrayed, and those fellows, 
 those rat-eating, chop-sticky, pig-tailed Chinamen, 
 have an idea or two about living. Their houses are 
 marvels of luxury. Quite an event that day was the 
 finding of our cow. We have had one for ten years, 
 and a few weeks before I came she was stolen, to the 
 great regret of all the family. Since I came here, 
 another one has been bought which disappeared for 
 two days, giving rise to the fear that she had gone 
 the way of her predecessor, but that night, as we 
 were starting, we saw the cow heading for home. 
 Fred ran back, told the people, and she was secured.
 
 180 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Dr. Bailey sent upstairs that he had ordered the horse 
 at eleven o clock and wanted me to go. So I did, 
 and we rode till a few minutes to three, getting out 
 occasionally to gather mosses, berries, flowers, etc., 
 or to get a good view from the hills. We rode over 
 "Georgetown Heights," famous in history. Mother s 
 account of her jaunt to Ipswich on the occasion of 
 the Teachers Institute was amusing, instructive, and 
 highly characteristic. Mother s inspirations are won 
 derful and so well timed. She is so fertile in devices. 
 I was to go to hear Dr. Samson with Mr. Wood in 
 the evening, but he did not come and I hear to-day 
 that he is ill. 1 hope he will get well, for he is very 
 convenient and a good Christian man, 1 think some 
 what of the old-fashioned stamp, which is a rara avis 
 in this latitude. 
 
 There has been here this evening a very celebrated 
 individual, a woman of indomitable energy and per 
 severance, Mrs. Myra Clark Gaines. A long while 
 ago I read a story by Mrs. Ann S. Stephens, entitled 
 " Phases in the Life of Mrs. Clark Gaines." Mrs. S. 
 applied to Mrs. G. for the facts and wrote the story 
 thereon. I should like to have you read it. I will 
 tell you about her sometime if you don t know. She 
 lays claim to a great part of the city of New Orleans, 
 of which property she has been defrauded. Her 
 claims have been before Congress some twenty years. 
 It has been decided against her once and is coming 
 up again this winter. She was twenty-six years old 
 before she knew who she was, or anything about her 
 relatives. The property is immense, she does not 
 know how much. She was just leaving the room as 
 I entered and I did not know who she was till she 
 was gone, but she remains here this winter and I shall
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 181 
 
 probably have a chance to see her. She is a small, 
 compact woman, a widow, very generous, with an in 
 domitable love of right. I hope she will succeed and 
 think she will. 10.30 P.M. Have come upstairs 
 rather early and will just tell you that there has been 
 a gentleman here this evening, a Mr. Benson, who has 
 whistled most beautifully. He whistles an accom 
 paniment and plays the piano. I don t know, however, 
 which is the accompaniment, the piano or the whist 
 ling. It is perfectly charming, just like a bird. He 
 imitated the song of the mocking-bird and the canary, 
 etc. 1 never heard anything like it before. I had a 
 splendid walk before breakfast this morning, alone, 
 started twenty-five minutes past six, got home at 
 eight. 
 
 A Mrs. Dr. - , whose daughter s husband is a 
 
 rector in , called on me the other evening. I 
 
 don t see why she should. I have no doubt she is 
 a very fine woman, a devoted wife, an affectionate 
 mother, and a useful member of society, but I have 
 not come here to be bored with calls from common 
 people, I simply want to see the celebrities, and no 
 body else. I hope if this letter is ever published in 
 my memoirs, my executors will cause this passage to 
 be expunged. 
 
 Mr. Wood is beyond all price. He keeps close by 
 me, and as I feel perfectly free with him I can ask 
 him all manner of questions, and he knows everybody 
 and everything about them ; or I can keep still and 
 say nothing and his presence serves to keep every one 
 else away unless the whole company join together, 
 and altogether I hope Mr. Wood s life will be spared 
 so long as Destiny detains me in Washington. 
 
 It just occurs to me to say that if father wants to
 
 182 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 hire a house right away there is one close by and very 
 convenient, that he can have with all the furniture, 
 price only three hundred dollars a month ! 
 
 NOVEMBER 1. 
 
 Last Saturday I went to the Patent Office. It is an 
 immense building and filled with glass cases contain 
 ing models of machines that have been invented for 
 every purpose under the sun almost. I saw also a 
 collection of birds (stuffed) of the most beautiful 
 plumage, pea green, French and Mazarin blue, purple, 
 scarlet, crimson, yellow, etc. There was a model of 
 the Washington Monument, the very printing-press 
 at which Dr. Franklin worked, a model of the Bastile, 
 that terrible French prison torn down by an infuriated 
 mob years ago, a statue of Washington. The Patent 
 OH ice itself is a most magnificent structure. Fred came 
 up last evening and brought me a note from Mr. Wood 
 containing a note and a copy of verses from a young 
 lady acquaintance of his in Boston. She had written 
 asking his advice as to the course she should pursue 
 in life, whether her literary talent could be made 
 available, what course of reading she should pursue, 
 and Mr. Wood had recourse to me. The verses are 
 tolerable, better in matter than in manner, and verses 
 and letter both stiff. I wanted to write an answer to 
 that and something else beside, so I told Fred I should 
 not come downstairs that evening, unless Mrs. B. 
 particularly wished it, as I was particularly engaged, 
 but he returned immediately saying that Mr. Welling 
 was here on purpose to see me, and it would be abso 
 lutely rude for her to excuse me and I must come 
 down. I tore round and didn t swear, but should 
 have done so if I had been addicted to profanity. I
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 183 
 
 mean I was in just that state of mind in which exple 
 tives seem to afford relief. I went down, lingering 
 along and in a tremble all over. I stopped in the 
 children s room and played with them awhile, then 
 step by step till I was half way downstairs when I 
 stopped again and listened to see if they might not be 
 playing backgammon, or something of that sort, 
 which would make my entrance less embarrassing. 
 No, nothing was going on, so there was nothing 
 for it but to "pitch in, school-ma am," and I 
 gathered up my forces and went. When I began to 
 be a little calm I went to the mantel-piece to get some 
 knitting-work that Mrs. B. had begun for me. She, 
 unlike most ladies, keeps at work through all her calls, 
 and not fancy work either. She is at present engaged 
 on some good, stout, coarse blue stockings for her 
 boys. Now I think it is a great deal less awkward to 
 have your hands employed, so I begged some work 
 and she bought an extra pair of needles and gave me 
 some. I find I shall spend so much time in the parlor 
 that I shall set up some knitting of my own. Well, 
 I knit, and the conversation became general and I 
 really enjoyed it. After Marcel had played several 
 pieces and had left the piano, Mr. Welling came to 
 me and asked me to give them a song. Didn t I ? 
 Then he begun to talk, and I don t know how it 
 happened, but we got talking about the South and the 
 North, and oh, dear me ! it was a quarter to twelve 
 when I got upstairs. However, I got along quite to 
 my own satisfaction, that is, I did not make any awful 
 blunders. I told them afterwards about my trepida 
 tion in coming down, and Dr. and Mrs. B. both said 
 that I did not show it in the least, that I came in as 
 easily and naturally as could be. Mr. Welling is
 
 184 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 editor of the "National Intelligence" a youngish 
 man, perhaps thirty-five, with a rather bald head, 
 black hair and whiskers, with the attendant white skin, 
 small hands and feet, and medium size, agreeable, 
 natural, and sensible, quite above the average in a 
 conversational way born in New Jersey, but has 
 lived much in Virginia. 
 
 Mrs. Bailey and I were to make calls to-day on 
 Mrs. Gen. Gaines, Mrs. Ann S. Stephens, and some 
 other celebrated women. I wanted to see them, but I 
 was afraid to go till Mrs. B. said I should not have to 
 speak a word. Mrs. Stephens is the one who wrote 
 Mrs. Gaines story. She is somewhat noted as a 
 writer. 
 
 NOVEMBER 6. 
 
 Took my letter to the office myself to go in the 
 three o clock mail. It is of course an immense build 
 ing and there are many windows and boxes and I did 
 not know where to go. Fred told me there was a 
 "lady s window," and as I could see uo letter box 
 and there were so many men there that I did not like 
 to go round looking it up, so I thought I would give 
 my letter to the clerk at the lady s window, but as I 
 thought, too, that I did not want him to think I knew 
 so little as to suppose that was the right place, I 
 thought I would make an errand and ask him if there 
 were any letters there for me, and so hand him the 
 letter carelessly. Well I did so, and he looked and 
 said "yes," and gave me one from mother, dated 
 October 26, and mailed, I cannot see when then he 
 said he believed there was another which had been 
 advertised. I said, yes, there probably was, as I had 
 lost one he looked about and found three, one from 
 Augusta, mailed October 14, another mailed October
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 185 
 
 9, I believe. A cent was due on each one for advertis 
 ing, I suppose. I had no money and they never 
 charge, he said. I thought of pawning my watch, 
 but could scarcely bring my mind to it, and so ran 
 home some three-quarters of a mile, got my three 
 cents and took my letters. Nothing can be more 
 free and easy than our social intercourse. I never 
 feel as if I have got to entertain, or be entertained. 
 Mr. "Wood is in almost every evening, and either sits 
 by me, or makes me sit by him. I change my place 
 occasionally for the fun of seeing him strike a bee 
 line for me the moment he comes into the room. I 
 like the Dr. and his wife very much. The Dr. snaps 
 out occasionally, but never to me, and when he does 
 to his wife she only laughs at him. She says that 
 when anything goes wrong at the whist-table he 
 always gives her a poke whether it is her play or not. 
 She is bright and smart, something like you, tinkers 
 up all the broken chairs, varnished the parlor furni 
 ture herself, upholstered the sofa, and is brimful of 
 energy. He and she are on terms of perfect equality, 
 and the effect is seen in the equal respect which the 
 children pay to both. Friday niyht 10.30. I have 
 written this evening to you, Alvin, Mr. Curtis, and 
 Mr. Lippincott. In directing Mr. L s letter I got Bo 
 down for Boston, instead of Philadelphia. I erased 
 it and directed it properly, don t you think I am 
 improving? Then I went on, wrote and finished my 
 other letters, and was gathering them up to put away 
 when my eye chanced to fall on the direction of Mr. 
 L s, and I found I had directed to Massachusetts, 
 instead of Pennsylvania. As I had told him in the 
 letter about my last blunder I thought the joke too 
 good to be lost, so I opened the letter again to write
 
 186 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 clown an account of this, and lo ! instead of his letter, 
 there was a sheet of yours ! You d better think I 
 screamed then, though I was all alone. I think now 
 I shall take all the letters in the morning and read 
 them over severally, and put each one into its own 
 wrapper that there may be no possibility of mistake. 
 I don t think I am growing crazy, and I asked Mrs. 
 Bailey and she said she did not see any symptoms. 
 
 Good-night. 
 
 NOVEMBER 8. 
 
 I had a letter from Miss Parsons, the lady who has 
 taken my Literature classes in the High School, say 
 ing that she knew from the constant testimony of 
 teachers and scholars how my classes had been 
 taught, and could not bear the idea of spoiling them, 
 that with one class she could do very well, but with 
 the other she had been trying to struggle into a plan 
 in vain, was in a perfect Slough of Despond, and 
 wished I would help her on to sound ground again. 
 I could not know how valuable any hints would be to 
 her, etc., etc. She loved the school too much to wish 
 to leave it, but should have certainly shrunk from it 
 had she known beforehand. I wrote her that even 
 ing a long letter and trust it will do her good. 
 
 Mr. Wood called for me and we went to walk down 
 the Avenue (Pennsylvania, which is the Avenue) to 
 see the promenading. After dinner is the walking 
 hour. The men are out of their offices and the 
 women out of their nurseries and all agog. AVe went 
 into several bookstores and looked at pictures. Mr. 
 Wood, being a literary man, has the entree of them. 
 His rooms are over one of them. One is next door 
 to it.
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 187 
 
 TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 16. 
 
 We investigated the President s House that part 
 of it which is open to investigation. First the vesti 
 bule, which is a large entry with a nowise remarkable 
 oil-cloth carpet, and a few chairs, and the general 
 impression conveyed was that it was rather dirty, 
 though I don t suppose it was. Then came the 
 famous "East Room," which is a monstrous one, 
 long and not very narrow a red and yellow pattern 
 carpet, plenty of big looking glasses in gilt frames, a 
 few tables, gilt and brown paper, gold and dust color, 
 curtains of red brocatelle with gilt cornices, chairs of 
 red brocatelle, and that is about all. We then went 
 severally to the green room, the blue room, and the 
 red room, which rooms are so distinguished on 
 account of their color, paper, chairs, carpet, curtains, 
 etc., being severally green, red, and blue. There 
 was nothing remarkable two very handsome vases 
 of Sevres china. In one of the entrance ways were 
 two centre tables and Mr. Wood said to the porter, 
 " What under the sun does the President have those 
 two things there for? It looks like any restaurant. 
 I should think Miss Lane would have better taste." 
 " It isn t Miss Lane," said he; "she does not want 
 them, but the President will have them." There is 
 a fine view of the Potomac and its shores from the 
 back windows, and the grounds were well laid out 
 in artificial hills, etc., designed, I believe, by Mr. 
 Adams when he was President. There is also an 
 excellent statue of Mr. Jefferson in the front yard 
 or park, only the bronze was defective and the action 
 of the weather has defaced and dilapidated it. 
 
 I said I would tell you of Mr. Richardson s letter, 
 did I ? You saw in Hartford the letter he wrote sug:-
 
 188 UAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 gesting to me a correspondence. Well, I wrote to 
 him that I would like to do it and all that, but I 
 really didn t think I could write letters worth publish 
 ing, etc., etc. He wrote back to me, " With all due 
 deference to your opinion, / think you can write 
 letters from Washington worth publishing in the Con- 
 gregationalist. " He said they did not care much for 
 letters before Congress commenced, but would like 
 one as soon as I pleased. At the close of the letter 
 he said, "Don t forget that you, Miss Mary Ab by 
 Dodge, alias Box, are the Washington Cor 
 respondent of the Congregationalist. " Well, so you 
 see, I scratched up a letter, the best I could, and sent 
 it on with considerable misgiving. I got a letter from 
 him this morning since I commenced this, saying, 
 " Anxious to relieve you from the dread suspense 
 you may be in as to the fate of your Washington 
 letter, I write a line to say that although it was left 
 over this week for want of room, it will appear in the 
 Congregatioualist of the 19th., Deo volente. We 
 should be glad to receive another letter from you 
 immediately after Congress assembles." So I sup 
 pose that you will have seen that letter before this 
 one. Now don t tell any one I wrote it. If any one 
 asks you, you can say well, say anything, lie like 
 fury, but don t say I wrote it. (I believe I have lost 
 my reputation with my mother and sister, so I shall 
 say anything I like now.) Understand I have no 
 
 v */ 
 
 idea that everybody won t find out to a dead certainty 
 that I wrote it, but don t you tell them. To the 
 Ipswich people you can simply say that I don t like 
 to have you talk about ray literary doings. Don t 
 distress yourselves unduly, but I can write far more 
 freely if I think no one knows the author. Your
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 189 
 
 remarks, my beloved sister, concerning my writing so 
 hurriedly are very just nevertheless I must tell you 
 what Mr. R. says concerning that very story. " I 
 overlooked your article The New Scholars till 
 yesterday. It is capital. Could you write a book 
 and have all the chapters equal to that, it would sell, 
 and what is more, do good." Still I think you are 
 quite right. As a general thing articles written so, 
 however good, might be made better by more care. 
 But I only write children s stories in that way. On 
 regular grown-up pieces I spend a great deal of care 
 and time, revise and correct till even you would be 
 satisfied. Yes, I do expect to meet Burliugame this 
 winter, and everybody else of any note in the Repub 
 lican party. Very likely I shall not speak to them, 
 or only to say " how dy e do ; pretty well," but it is 
 something to look at them, you know. I forgot to 
 tell you that I went over the bridge across the 
 Potomac last Friday morning before breakfast. I 
 started from home about half-past six, did not intend 
 to go over, but after finishing my walk in one direc 
 tion, and finding it was not time to go home, wandered 
 along till I came to the bridge and thought I would 
 go on a little way, and so kept going till I got clear 
 across. The bridge is just a mile long. I felt rather 
 skittish, as I thought it was so far that if any one 
 should try to harm me it would be of no use to 
 scream, but I reflected that robbers and sich like were 
 not out at that time of the morning. When nearly 
 across, I was startled to see a man rise from one side 
 of the bridge he proved, however, to be only the one 
 who had the care of the draw. I made his acquain 
 tance and he gave me a good place to see a steamer 
 which was towing two vessels through. He was
 
 190 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 greatly struck with the rapidity of my walking, said 
 it " didn t take me long to walk a mile." 
 
 Mr. Wood is not engaged in any business. He has 
 a trusteeship, or something of that sort, which occupies 
 him about four weeks in the year. The rest of his 
 time is at bis own disposal and mine ! He amuses 
 himself with writing books. He has one now to come 
 out in a few weeks. Won t the reviewers get hold of 
 it? I expect they will tear him in pieces from what 
 he has told me, so if you see any slashing criticisms, 
 you need not therefore suppose that Mr. Wood is 
 annihilated. 
 
 Last night Frank came upstairs and said that, 
 " Pa said one evening of seclusion was admissible, 
 but two were not allowed in the Old Bailey." I did 
 not go downstairs the evening before, and it was 
 after eight o clock and I had not gone then, though 
 I was intending to go when I had finished writing. 
 Our waiter, James, has, I suppose, been married this 
 evening. The nurse, a black girl also, was dressed 
 for the wedding in white skirt and pink silk waist, 
 
 and wore her hair in long curls. A was in and 
 
 spent the evening last night, and several others. I 
 should have been " bored to death" (I put quotations 
 to save myself from swearing) if it had not been for 
 Mr. Wood, and I tell you what, he is a jewel, and I 
 am going to knit him a pair of stockings for a Christ 
 mas present ; but don t you tell him, and by the way, 
 I wish you not to speak of him, or at least casually, 
 for he has friends and relatives all around you, and 
 what I say ma} get to some of them and receive a 
 false construction. He was here this noon for me to 
 go to a picture gallery with him, but I wanted to call
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 191 
 
 on the Gallaudets, and so excused myself. He went 
 part way over there with me. 
 
 I am now writing on Thanksgiving evening. It has 
 been a very cold, dismal day. I did not go to church. 
 I told Mr. Wood I supposed I must go to church, 
 but I did not wish to go, as I wanted to stay at home 
 and write. He advised me by all means to stay at 
 home, though he went himself. If I could hear one 
 really good sermon, such as Dr. Bushuell or Mr. Bur 
 ton, or even Mr. Beadle preaches, I would go at any 
 hour of the day or night, but as for listening on week 
 days to such platitudes as I have generally heard here 
 on Sundays, it is out of the question. 
 
 When I came home Marcel came upstairs immedi 
 ately, brought me the " Congregationalist," your letter, 
 and a slip of paper, which proved to be the end of a 
 letter which Dr. B. had just received from the poet 
 Whittier, in which he said, " Who is Gail Hamilton? 
 That last poem was a very fine one. Thine truly, 
 J. G. W." Has anybody else such an autograph as 
 that? He gave me another also on which was written 
 " Extract from a letter of Mr. Whittier s to Dr. G. 
 Bailey. Respectfully presented to Miss Mary A. 
 Dodge by her devoted admirer (at a distance !)." 
 
 DECEMBER 4. 
 
 I am very glad Mr. Gilman has got a place. I have 
 felt a deal interested in him. I hope you will get 
 somebody to take care of your soul better than I have 
 here to look after mine. I hope father is satisfied 
 with the investment of my money. It is always well 
 to have some one to look after our pecuniary inter 
 ests, and who so well fitted as he who is by nature 
 our nearest relative, wisest friend, and most experi-
 
 192 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 enced counsellor? I expect "Sir s "blue eyes will 
 turn up at this, and he will probably inquire, " Do 
 you mean me ? " I forgot to tell you that I saw the 
 President yesterday. Mr. Wood pointed him out to 
 me some time before we met, so that I put up my veil 
 and took a good squint. He is tall and stout, with a 
 very white, flabby face, and something peculiar about 
 one of his eyes. He wore black, and a white cravat, 
 and seems old. Saturday evening Mr. Wood brought 
 over a couple of his new books just published, and 
 gave one to me and one to the Dr. Mrs. Bailey 
 wanted to read my piece, so I went upstairs and got 
 it, and she read it aloud amid much applause ( !) while 
 I sat behind the door. Sunday, as we were eating 
 dinner, the door-bell rang, and soon somebody came 
 flinging along the hall, and the children cried, " Mr. 
 Hale." Sure enough, it was John P. himself. After 
 the greetings were over, he was given a seat at the 
 table at my right. I sat next the Dr. , and almost as 
 soon as he was seated he turned to me and said, 
 There has been a great discussion as to whether 
 you are diffident or not. Some say you are, and some 
 say you are not. Are you ? " I was quite thrown off 
 my balance, for I had not supposed he would have 
 anything in particular to say to me. I muttered some 
 thing about his being able to find out himself, but the 
 Dr., who has got to know me very well, turned the 
 subject. Presently Mr. Hale bounced at me again : 
 " Have you ever been in Washington before?" No, 
 sir. " Well, you must not judge all the Senators 
 from me." I presume I might do worse, sir. An 
 other interlude. "Where do you come from, Miss 
 Dodge?" From Massachusetts, sir (very definite 
 information). From Hamilton, sir. " Oh, yes, I know
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 193 
 
 about there. Near Rowley, is it not?" Yes, sir. 
 Interlude fourth from the Baileys. Bounce the fourth 
 from Hon. John P. Hale : " This is a very nice pud 
 ding, Mrs. Bailey; isn t it, Miss Dodge?" Miss D. 
 (solemnly), Yes, sir. And thus ended my conversa 
 tion with the distinguished Senator from New Hamp 
 shire. Mr. Wood put into my hand a note which he 
 had written to me the night before, saying, "Before 
 I sleep I want to tell you that your Essay on Men 
 and Women has inspired me with the highest admi 
 ration for its wit and eloquence, the fervid eloquence 
 of deep sympathy, right feeling, and earnest and 
 glowing emotion," etc. Monday morning at break 
 fast, the Dr. said, " Miss Mary, Mr. Hale says he 
 hopes the next time he comes he shall not frighten 
 the young ladies." At twelve o clock we all went to 
 Congress. First to the House and afterwards to the 
 Senate. In the evening we went again to the Stra- 
 kosch concert, and were as before highly entertained. 
 1 saw there Lord and Lady Napier, Mr. Seward and 
 daughter, etc. Wednesday, when I was going down 
 stairs in the evening, I heard voices in the parlor and 
 waited to muster courage. Entering, I took a seat 
 quietly, and was presently introduced to Rev. Owen 
 P. Lovejoy, member of Congress from Illinois. Hon. 
 Preston King, Senator from New York, and Mr. Col- 
 fax, Representative, I think, were also there. Mr. 
 King is the jolliest, fattest, best-natured 260 Ibs. of 
 flesh that you ever saw, and was very entertaining. 
 Hon. Joshua Giddings had been in, but left before I 
 came down. Judge Huntington called shortly after 
 wards, just as the others were about to leave, and I 
 had the pleasantest visit I have ever had from him. 
 F - told me yesterday at the dinner table that she
 
 194 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 met Mr. Hale in the street, and he stopped her and 
 
 said, " F , what made Miss Dodge run off when 
 
 I was there ? " She told him I was very shy, etc. 
 " Ah," he replied, " we ll soon tame her out of that, 
 won t we ? " 
 
 When I entered the parlor it was nearly dusk, but 
 I saw enough to distinguish Mr. Hale there with Dr. 
 Bailey and drew back. They both saw me, however, 
 and called, so I went forward. I said to Mr. Hale, 
 " You need not try to frighten me again, for I am not 
 going to be scared. Or if I shall be, I am so much 
 more afraid of the Dr. that I shall endeavor to behave 
 myself." 
 
 Didn t my politics look splendidly in print? I 
 flatter myself that was particularly well done. Do 
 you want me to write as if I were a man, or shall I 
 let the cloven foot appear in case it should be incon 
 venient to conceal it? (1 don t mean am I to write like 
 the but like a woman ? I am afraid you will 
 say it is all one in my case). If you had not told 
 me that you had struck out some expressions in my 
 story, I should not have known it. 
 
 There was an editorial which I liked very much 
 several weeks ago about the practical effects of the 
 revival. I wish you could make it in your way to 
 harp on that string a little more. I think the great 
 leak in our ship is that we make our Christianity too 
 abstract. We don t apply it enough, "He that 
 sweeps a floor as to God s law, makes that and the 
 action fine." I think the writer who was so shocked 
 last week by the "Autocrat s" (?) idea of the man who 
 is forever " haunted by a sense of duty " has mis 
 conceived that idea ! The "Autocrat" (if it was the
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 195 
 
 "Autocrat") did not mean, I take it, the man who 
 acts from a sense of duty, but he who is continually 
 obtruding and protruding that he does, who is always 
 bringing forward duty reasons for his actions, and 
 supposing, because you don t, that you have them 
 not. If it is so, I entirely agree with him. I think 
 the highest character is his who is so accustomed to 
 think and act right, that he does it naturally, as it 
 were, by sheer force of habit. Your regular duty 
 people are the most stupid, conceited, and disagree 
 able in the world. As a general fact, people who are 
 always talking about doing good, do the least. At 
 any rate, that is my opinion. 
 
 TWELVE O CLOCK A.M., December 1. 
 The first day of winter, very pleasant and comfort 
 able weather, and as we had winter in November, we 
 may hope for our Indian summer in December. I went 
 last Saturday to the publishing office of the "Era" 
 to get a paper containing the verses which Whittier 
 referred to, as I thought you might like to see them. 
 It was my first visit there, and I took little Bell as 
 escort. She led me to the sanctum and I asked a 
 man there for the papers, whereon Mr. Goodlow 
 jumped up from some hidden place and came for 
 ward and introduced to me a Mr. Pope, and then 
 called out for Mr. Clepharn, who was also introduced, 
 and I, not knowing how far the thing might go, 
 
 clutched my papers and came off. Mr. W and 
 
 I walked to Mr. Gallaudet s in the morning. As we 
 came home we were met by a Mr. De Naise (pro 
 nounced Nazy), who stopped and talked awhile. 
 His mother is an Italian, his father a Turk or a 
 Frenchman (!). He was born and lived in Turkey
 
 196 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and was our Consul at Constantinople, but coming to 
 the United States to prosecute a claim several years 
 ago, he liked here so much that he has remained ever 
 since. He was knighted by the Sultan and is conse 
 quently, Sir De Naise, but is called Mr. He is a 
 frequenter of the "Old Bailey," and came in the 
 evening. He has just returned to Washington after 
 an absence of three months. He is very ugly, very 
 droll, and very good-natured. I did not intend to go 
 downstairs in the evening, but Dr. sent for me to 
 come down and take a hand at whist. I " reckon," 
 however, the reason was that there were some persons 
 there whom he wished me to see. The visitors were 
 two brothers by the name of Alexander. Their father 
 is Scotch, their mother Italian, they were born in 
 France and live in America. Their ancestor, in the 
 reign of James I. of England, nearly three hundred 
 years ago, received from him a grant of nearly all the 
 Canadas. After a while the line was assumed to be 
 extinct, but their father ascertaining beyond question 
 that he was the real heir to the title and the land, 
 prosecuted his claim. The claim was so great, how 
 ever, and involves so much property, that a charge of 
 fraud and forgery was trumped up, and the case now 
 lies in Parliament :it rest for want of the necessary 
 funds on the part of the prosecution. The older of 
 the two brothers is by right Lord Sterling. They are 
 in some office under government and support their 
 father and mother here. I liked them both very 
 much, especially the elder. They are modest, intelli 
 gent, and well-bred. 
 
 I am about dragged out. My eyes and head feel 
 the effect of my dissipation. You see I don t get to 
 bed much before twelve o clock. People don t go
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 197 
 
 away till near eleven, and we almost always stay 
 a while longer to talk them over. Then I have a piece 
 on hand that I want to finish before Congress com 
 mences, so that I may not be worried with it then. I 
 have about thirty-five pages of it finished, and shail 
 perhaps write six more. I did not suppose it could 
 be printed just yet, as there are now two stories in 
 course of publication in the " Era," but I asked the 
 Dr. last night if there was any room for me, and he 
 said he would make room. I think I shall be able to 
 finish this week. Mr. Welling was here yesterday, 
 and spent the evening. Mrs. Bailey said we " boxed 
 the compass," beginning with poetry and ending with 
 theology, which was quite true. By the way, he wants 
 to get a New England primer, and I told him we had 
 them. Mother, I wish you would find one of the half 
 dozen that used to be lying round loose and send it to 
 me. I should prefer the one that has the devil ( !) 
 in it (of course), but send me one without, if you 
 can t find that. Augusta, I wish you would see if 
 you can get one in Boston. He will probably never 
 think of it again, but I should like the fun of sending 
 it to him. Did you recognize any portraits in my 
 last piece in the " Congregatioualist " ? Mother, 
 don t be alarmed at what I said about my head. If 
 I can get two nights sleep consecutively, I shall be 
 as good as new. I can appreciate your anxiety lest 
 you should divulge something you ought not at Mrs. 
 
 . Dear old souls ! If it was not for that awful 
 
 inability to discern what ought and what ought not 
 to be printed, I would write them a letter, but to run 
 the risk of seeing it come out the next weok in the 
 " Congregationalist ! " -I believe I could not do 
 that.
 
 198 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Saturday, December 4. I have concluded I may 
 as well continue my veracious history up to the pres 
 ent time. I want, however, to assure mother that the 
 two nights sleep which I wanted have come, and I 
 am consequently on my feet again. About eight 
 o clock Dr. sent up for me to send down as much of 
 my piece as was written. About forty pages were 
 written. The next morning at breakfast the Dr. said 
 he read the whole of my piece last night, which was 
 what he would not have done to all pieces in manu 
 script, and that Marcel read the whole of it too. He 
 wanted me to take it and divide it off into separate 
 heads. He added that it would be read, that 1 had 
 hit, etc. Mr. W. told me that the Dr. spoke to them 
 about my piece, etc., and, oh dear, I ought to be 
 blushing terribly, but I have said so many things 
 before, I guess this won t choke me, and he said 
 that they had never had any one in their house be 
 fore equal to me! ("La!") and, said Mr. Wood, 
 " Didn t I work well for you the other night? I knew 
 that Welling was impatient to talk with you, and I 
 wheeled the Dr. and his wife round to backgammon, 
 and got Marcel to the piano, and gave him the chance. 
 The consequence was that when he carne away he was 
 all enthusiasm," etc., etc. I suspected Mr. Wood of 
 such a design, and Mr. Welling wheeled round to me 
 so quickly when the others moved off, that I did not 
 know but that they had put their heads together be 
 forehand, but Mr. Wood assured me that he did not 
 know he was coming. Oh dear, Augusta, I wish I 
 could get at you to have one good laugh behind the 
 scenes. Nobody here, you see, suspects the by-play 
 that is going on between you and me. It would be
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 199 
 
 such a relief to have somebody who knows what a 
 " humbug " I am. 
 
 After breakfast. I have just finished reading your 
 letter. I am not going to answer it now, besides my 
 hand trembles so with laughing that it is a great ex 
 ertion to write. 
 
 DECEMBER 5. 
 
 Mrs. Pike, who is here, is the sister of Mrs. Fred 
 erick Pike, the author of " Ida May," " Caste," etc. 
 Perhaps you remember hearing about the books. 
 They made something of a sensation and she made 
 something of a fortune some five or six thousand 
 dollars by the first one, " Ida May." Mr. Goodlow 
 spent the evening here yesterday. After we had 
 finished cards, the party drew back and Mr. Gr. came 
 and sat between Mrs. Bailey and me and, after talk 
 ing politics awhile, began to speak of a very interest 
 ing essay which he had be^n reading in the Era," and 
 wondered whether it was taken from the author s own 
 experience, or from an imaginary character simply. 
 I replied very coolly, that the name " Gail Hamilton" 
 seemed like a man s, but at any rate, it was generally 
 supposed and taken for granted that writers speaking 
 in the first person were only imaginary, and under 
 that cover they could put in as much autobiography 
 as they chose and nobody be the wiser. He said that 
 he had always had a kind of idea that women generally 
 would rather be men than women whereat I assured 
 him that I wished I knew him well enough to box his 
 ears, and he declared that he would waive dignity and 
 give me full liberty to do so if it would give me any pleas 
 ure, and I affirmed that it would give me great pleasure, 
 in fact I couldn t think of anything at that moment 
 that would give me more, but I didn t. I have for-
 
 200 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 gotten what led to it, but I gave Mrs. B. a ridiculous 
 account of the way in which I collared him and brought 
 him home with me from the office the other clay, and 
 after the laugh was over, he explained how I came in 
 upon him in an old office coat which was split across 
 the back from arm to arm, and how in shewing me 
 round he had to wheel and turn to keep the rent out 
 of sight, and how they laughed about it after I was 
 gone, and altogether we had considerable fun. 
 
 Yesterday morning I went to walk before breakfast. 
 After dinner, the disgust which has long been gather 
 ing for the pointed waist of my new blue thibet dress 
 came to a head, and I suddenly seized a pair of scis 
 sors and nipped them all off and feel as if I had a 
 new dress. 
 
 Copy of a request to Mrs. B. that she would make 
 
 bows for my sleeves. 
 There s an exquisite blush on my beautiful cheek, 
 
 And my modesty, startled, can scarcely speak 
 To tell Mrs. Bailey the thing I seek 
 And wish for most, as matters go, 
 And beg for with all the power I know, 
 Is a handsome, elegant, rib-and-beau. 
 
 DECEMBER 13, 1858. 
 
 The family taken together is perhaps one in a 
 hundred. The children particularly well governed. 
 Mrs. Bailey is a superior woman and very companion 
 able. Both are agreeable, unusually sensible, and 
 appreciate me fully so far as I can judge. I mean 
 every attention and respect is paid me, yet so unob 
 trusively that I never notice it particularly. People 
 of mark and sense, one way or another, are in almost 
 every evening chiefly members of Congress. I have
 
 FIRST YEAR IX WASHINGTON 201 
 
 sec a two or three lord;; and played whist with a Sir 
 who was once our consul at Constantinople, and wore 
 a splendid diamond ring given him by the Sultan. He 
 is very droll, polite, and good-natured. 
 
 Going to church here is by no means so pleasant as 
 in Hartford. So far as my observation goes the 
 clergy here are inferior. Don t let us quarrel with 
 our fates, Alice. I have done more at that business 
 than you and have not got over it yet. The years in 
 this world are but " few and evil" at least my 
 good has been so diluted with evil that I find my 
 chief, perhaps my only real pleasure in looking for 
 ward to the world where sorrow can find no entrance. 
 I think the " Atlantic " the best monthly that has ever 
 been published in this country, and the lt Autocrat s " 
 by far the finest series of papers of the kind, though 
 there are occasional objections to his mode of alluding 
 to theological opinions which, whether true or false, 
 are cherished by a large portion of his readers, as he 
 must very well know. 
 
 DECEMBER 14. 
 
 I went to the State Department and saw busts of 
 Josephine and Napoleon, by Cauova, brought to Vera 
 Cruz by the Prince de Joinville, son of Louis Philippe, 
 the last King of France and thence here by our con 
 sul. I spent most of the time after dinner till even 
 ing trying to remember or recall the stitch with which 
 I knit my Polish boots last winter, but without suc 
 cess. Mr. De Naise was in in the evening and 
 amused us again with his droll ways and his French 
 English. Did I tell 3-011 that he once challenged 
 Douglas? After I went upstairs I again tried my 
 hand at the stitch and by ravelling out some of my 
 last winter s work, I at length succeeded. I am go-
 
 202 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ing to knit a pair to give to Mrs. B. at Christinas if I 
 can. Mr. and Mrs. L. K. Lippincott have just pub 
 lished a children s book, consisting of stories by both 
 of them, which they sent to me through the post-office. 
 It is very pretty. It is rainy and foggy again this 
 morning, and the Sunny South has turned into a most 
 cloudy and dismal one. Everbody is afflicted with 
 influenza. I received your letter yesterday. I have 
 had it in ray mind to tell Grace about J s unsuccess 
 ful attempt to obtain subscribers for the " Little Pil 
 grim," but finally concluded that I would not divulge 
 the meanness of Massachusetts people. I am really 
 ashamed of them. A paper that costs only fifty cents 
 a year ! I am afraid J. will never be induced to under 
 take the promotion of intelligence again. " Terra 
 Incognita " was the piece Whittier spoke of. I 
 thought I sent it to you long ago till the other day I 
 found the paper lying on my table. I will send it to 
 you in this letter if I don t forget. I have finished 
 Mr. Wood s stockings. Do you want to see the note 
 I am going to send with them ? 
 
 Let not thy heart, O noble friend, 
 
 My humble gift despise, 
 But may the simple offering 
 
 Find favor in thine eyes. 
 I know that with the shining ones 
 
 Thy genial home is found, 
 But though thy head may knock the stars, 
 
 Thy feet must touch the ground. 
 Dream on, then, of those happy realms 
 
 Above our world of strife 
 And give us foretastes of the joys 
 
 That gild the " Future Life." 
 But lesser crowns for lesser brows 
 
 / count not Fate remiss,
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 203 
 
 If she but grant my grateful hands 
 To guard thy feet in this. 
 
 Won t he be tickled ? Mr. Richardson wishes very 
 much to have my signature, Gail Hamilton, attached 
 to my letters. I wish very much that it should not 
 be, and I don t think I shall have it. I might as well 
 write Abby Dodge and be done with it. He wants 
 me also to write a New Year s story for them, which 
 I shall endeavor to do. I have purchased and sent a 
 copy of "Future Life" to Alvin. A Mr. Bamngras, 
 an artist and a foreigner, and a very pleasant, simple 
 and agreeable man, was with us last evening. To-day 
 is pleasant again. I went out this noon to take a 
 walk, was overtaken by Mr. W. Mr. H. dined here 
 and we got along very well. He asked me if I would 
 like to take a walk and I said I would and we walked 
 an hour and a half. As we were coming home, a 
 great, dirty pig ran against Mr. H s legs and knocked 
 him down flat on the pavement before me on his back. 
 It was the most ridiculous thing I ever saw. Y"ou 
 know he is pretty large and fat, and his heels kicked 
 up, and his look of surprise as he lay there, was per 
 fectly irresistible. The reason why this writing is so 
 irregular is because I laugh so uncontrollably when 
 ever I think of it. I never had such pain to keep 
 from laughing in my life as I did then. It seemed 
 to me as if I should suffocate. Now don t tell any 
 one of this, by any means. I have not mentioned 
 it here. I have begun to read the Bible through again. 
 Don t you want to begin, too, reading a chapter a 
 day? You and mother too. 1 have got to the thirt 
 ieth chapter of Genesis. Hoping to hear from } r ou 
 soon, 
 
 Yours affectionately.
 
 204 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 JANUARY 10, 1859. 
 
 Mr. Hale has just left. He came to town last 
 night, called here an hour or so ago, and sent up for 
 me particularly. He said he had a good homely 
 message for me, which was that two pretty young 
 ladies in New Hampshire said that they loved me. 
 The two young ladies proved to be Lizzy Hale, his 
 daughter, and Lydia Low, a young lady who was at 
 Miss Crocker s when I was there. So I told him that 
 I had something to tell him, which was that my sister 
 told me that if Mr. Hale was as pleasant in a parlor 
 as he was on a lake steamer in an old Kossuth hat, 
 I couldn t help liking him. Of course he was curi 
 ous to know who my sister was, and I explained. 
 He remembered her perfectly, was greatly pleased, 
 spoke of her very highly, asked a great many ques 
 tions about her and Alvin and the family, recurring 
 to it several times after other subjects had been 
 brought up, and finally asked to send a note in my 
 letter when I wrote to her. By and by he asked if I 
 wanted to go to walk again. Of course I said yes, 
 and he said he would come down to-morrow after din 
 ner for me. Then he began to say something about 
 the pig, but I interrupted him "Oh, Mr. Hale, why 
 do you mention that? I never told of it." "Didn t 
 you?" said he, "Why, you are a remarkable girl 
 then I won t." Of course Dr. and Mrs. Bailey were 
 on tip-toe to know what it was, and guessed all man 
 ner of things, but we would not tell. I think he was 
 really glad that I had not told of it. He said there 
 wasn t another woman in the city that would have 
 done so. I had a letter this morning from Mr. Rich 
 ardson, enclosing five dollars "beyond the stipulated 
 price, as a slight evidence that we are pleased with
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 205 
 
 your communications and desire their continuance. 
 We are at present quite short of articles for the chil 
 dren s column and should be glad to receive something 
 from you in this line, as well as articles for our first 
 page, from time to time. If you are moved to write 
 poems of considerable length, adapted to our columns, 
 and they are as good as the last, we shall be very 
 glad to publish them and afford you such compensa 
 tion as you may think proper." Well, what horn shall 
 I blow next? Miss Ella Kirby sent up her album to 
 me last night with a request that I would write in it 
 " something sweet and pretty, just like myself," so I 
 wrote : 
 
 A clam to your flounces tenaciously clinging, 
 
 The bell of the milkman, his matinals ringing, 
 
 A cabbage upreared by your lilies and roses, 
 
 A hand neath the hinge of the door when it closes, 
 
 The dragon of Wantley, whose tastes architectural 
 
 Make us fancy the talc was extremely conjectural, 
 
 A pony descended from old Rosinante, 
 
 The sun-flowers in front of an Irishman s shanty, 
 
 A talker who makes the chief part of his role " Oh ! " 
 
 A donkey who brays a duet to your solo, 
 
 A needle thrust under your delicate nail, 
 
 An epic by Blackmore the Knights of tlie Grail, 
 
 The gravy upset on your lavender silk, 
 
 The salt in your coffee, your sleeve in the milk, 
 
 A small boy in the parlor entirely de trop 
 
 ( How many there should be you very well know), 
 
 I give, since you asked me, you mischievous elf, 
 
 For " something sweet and pretty, just like myself, 1 1 
 
 That "tarnation" Wood hasn t come yet, and I 
 don t know what has become of the fellow. I am 
 afraid he is sick, poor dear! 
 
 Thursday, 18. Mr. Wood came in due time and
 
 206 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 we called at Mrs. Gale s and took her and her sister 
 along with us to the picture gallery. Saw a collection 
 of very fine pictures. Met Mr. Baumgras and his 
 wife and had a long conversation with him on art and 
 artists, told him I was no connoisseur in paintings. 
 But, "ah, I know you have the power to paint wiz 
 ze pen." 
 
 WASHINGTON, D.C., January 10, 1859. 
 MY DEAR SIR MENTOR : I should have answered 
 your letter before but for several reasons. One is 
 that I did not know exactly what to say, and so 
 waited vaguely for something to turn up. (You need 
 not suppose anything has turned up from my writing 
 now.) Another reason was that I have been so 
 exceedingly busy with professional, literary, and 
 social duties that I have really had no time. I am 
 sure I had not thought of such a thing as giving up 
 teaching till YOU poked the idea into me. I mean I 
 had not thought of it definitely, lately. I supposed, 
 and still suppose, that my fate, which is another name 
 for will, is to teach through the remainder of my 
 natural life, or through so much of it as can be made 
 available for educational purposes. As to my being 
 bewildered, you need have no fear of it, not the slight 
 est. I see very clearly the path that lies before, and 
 though the mist that surrounds me now is rose-tinted 
 and golden, and the flowers very fragrant, and the 
 air charming, they do not hide from me the fact that 
 my way lies over the hill Difficulty into the Promised 
 Land if indeed I ever reach that Happy Land. I 
 think if a person has a strong native inclination for, 
 and facility in, any one profession or employment, it 
 is an indication that that ought to be his employment.
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 207 
 
 If a boy evinces skill in chiselling, make him a sculp 
 tor iu colors, make him a painter in tools, make 
 him a machinist. Now, in this particular respect, 
 you very well know the strength of my desire for 
 writing and my love of it. As to my ability, I have 
 never pretended to be myself the judge, but throwing 
 out of view nil the facts of my previous life, I have 
 i*eceived encouragement enough since I have been 
 here to lift up the most downcast. I do not say this 
 by way of boasting, but to give you facts, to show 
 you that I do not act without random, basis I meant 
 to say. Different persons persons who have no 
 reason to be interested in me, who have never seen 
 me before, of their own accord have conspired or 
 combined to make me feel that I have not written 
 without success. Two gentlemen, one of them a two 
 years resident in Europe, in the diplomatic corps ( a 
 cliargd I believe), who were entire strangers to me till 
 within a few months, have proposed to me subjects 
 which they wish me to make into books the latter 
 gentleman with great earnestness, with repeated prom 
 ises of his own assistance in furnishing material, and 
 an assurance drawn from my past writings, of entire 
 success. From various and unexpected quarters I 
 have received, sometimes directly, sometimes indi 
 rectly, the most cordial and hearty appreciation, 
 seeming to me, occasionally, almost to amount to 
 extravagance. / certainly never set so high a value 
 on any of my writings as have some of those to whom 
 I refer. I do not think, therefore, that I am unduly 
 presumptuous in assuming that I have a degree of 
 facility in writing which, so far as it alone is con 
 cerned, would warrant me in adopting that as a 
 profession.
 
 208 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 Here, of course, comes iii the question of doing 
 good. Now I think a person can do the most good 
 by that which he can do best, as a general thing. 
 That is, a good shoemaker does more good than a 
 poor minister, a man who ought to have been a shoe 
 maker but was not. I utterly deny that a teacher 
 can (even probably) do more good than a writer. 
 Think of the value to the world of such little waifs as 
 the " Dairyman s Daughter" think also of Baxter s 
 and Payson s works of John Foster and Bunyau. 
 Don t suppose I mean to class myself with them. I 
 am speaking now of writings of which I understood 
 you also to speak. Think of Mrs. Stowe, of Char 
 lotte Bronte, of Mrs. Gaskell and who - 
 
 I just want to tell you that you re mistaken about 
 my friendships. I have a great many friends, that s 
 true, but I have very few internal friends, people 
 whom I d rather be with than be alone. I like many, 
 and I talk and laugh \vith many, but I love very, very 
 few, I mean with a real, warm, necessary love. 
 
 Thursday I went to Congress alone. Mrs. Gooch 
 saw me in the gallery and sent the door-keeper over 
 to have me sit with her and Miss Buffinton. Mr. 
 Colfax came up from the floor and sat and talked 
 awhile. Mr. Burlingame came forward to go home 
 
 O D 
 
 with me, but "yielded the floor" to Mr. Love- 
 joy. I pray every Sunday (in the Episcopal Church) 
 for "women in the perils of childbirth" and I 
 think if there is anything that ought to be prayed 
 about steady, it s that. I bought a bonnet green 
 velvet, white feather price ten dollars, and had 
 one cent left. Mrs. Gooch sent me a note to go 
 to Congress with her, but I was out when it came 
 and so went alone. Met the Gallaudets in the
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 209 
 
 gallery. By the way, they had called on me the 
 day before. Mr. Gooch also came up to see me, 
 also Judge Trumbull, Senator, and we had a pleasant 
 little talk. In the evening Mr. Alley, oxr repre 
 sentative from Lynn, called. I liked him very much, 
 a little slow, but sound and gentlemanly. By the 
 way, mother, I forgot to tell you that Dr. Hall is a 
 friend of Mr. Wood s, who has a suite of rooms in the 
 same building with him, is one of my admirers in a 
 mild way a bachelor income of five thousand 
 dollars a year, highly educated, literary, but uses 
 tobacco rather obviously, that is the worst thing I 
 know about him, is a little given to melancholy. I 
 like him very well. Monday I had a letter from Mr. 
 Richardson containing last quarter s "pay" told 
 me I was writing more than I got paid for, which is 
 better than if it had been the other way, you know. 
 Also, by express, a beautiful worsted shawl from 
 Ellen Hunt which she had knit herself. Mr. Wood 
 went to the House with me afterwards I did a little 
 shopping and being afraid the Republican party would 
 leave Sherman, went home and wrote a note to the 
 Massachusetts delegation exhorting them to stand by 
 their guns quoted the ancients and modern, told 
 them if they were afraid, to come to me, I would pro 
 tect them to die bravely if die they must, and that 
 Massachusetts would strew their graves with flowers, 
 signed myself " Your affectionate Grandmother," and 
 sent it to the four at the corner of the street, Buffin- 
 ton, Dawes, Gooch, and Alley. An answer came 
 back in an hour or so in which they begged to assure 
 their grandmother that Massachusetts men fought to 
 the last. Fine fun. Don t I make em laugh? Judge 
 Huutingtou called and spent the evening, had a nice
 
 210 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 time. He likes to come and see me, and I like to talk 
 heresies and schisms and shock his High Church no 
 tions. Tuesday Mr. Dexter sent me a copy of Hunting- 
 ton s sermons. I didn t tell you that he sent me Stan- 
 King s "White Hills " for a New Year s present. Don t 
 talk of these things about. I don t like boasting of 
 "great folks." At night I went to a prayer-meeting 
 for the world s conversion, with Mr. Wood. Horrid 
 time. Scrambled all about Robin Hood s barn and 
 never said a word about the heathen. I don t think 
 they take prayer-meetings " the natural way " down 
 here. Got there at half-past seven and didn t get 
 home till half-past ten. Waited an hour before they 
 begun and when they got a-going seemed as if they 
 would never stop. I told Mr. Wood that as for going 
 to Congress all day and prayer-meeting all night, I 
 wasn t going to do it. Wednesday Mr. Welling came 
 to see me in the morning, stayed an hour and a half 
 or so. Mr. Seward and Mrs. Frederick S. were here 
 when he came, but they went away soon. He told 
 me, to prove his courage, that he had gone down to 
 Virginia with two " National Eras" in his pocket and 
 read my poem to the people down there. In the 
 House a woman interested herself in me, asked me if 
 I was visiting here. I told her not exactly, I was 
 making myself useful in a general way. I presume she 
 thinks I am maid-of-all-work somewhere. Mr. Curtis 
 health is better than it was, but he says he has very 
 little confidence in it. He wants to know if there are 
 any conditions on which I would probably be willing 
 and feel at liberty to return in the spring. He thinks 
 those two verse-letters are one of the most faultless 
 and successful efforts I ever made. Mr. Richardson 
 defended himself against a scold I gave him for put-
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 211 
 
 ting a notice of me into the last " S. & S." Said the 
 editor, Mr. Adams, did it, and he didn t know that 
 Mr. A. was in the office just then and sent his com 
 pliments to me and said he would settle the matter 
 with me, so I told Mr. R. to transfer my wrath to 
 Mr. A. with compound interest. He sent me several 
 pictures to illustrate if I liked, and I do like also a 
 couple of notices. The " Transcript" one was to show 
 me that I was known, so it was no use trying to keep 
 it secret. It happens that Mr. Wood wrote it, for 
 which I could have torn his pen out, but I didn t 
 say anything no use I am afraid this letter is 
 scarcely more coherent than the last, but I have been 
 writing this whole day long almost, and I can only 
 jerk now. Mother, what has become of the kitten ? 
 Good-night. 
 
 JANUARY 15. 
 
 MY DEARS : I have had such a splendid time this 
 evening that I want to tell you about it before I for 
 get it. It is twenty minutes past eleven, but I can 
 write till Sunday. I must begin with the morning, 
 however. I received your letter, sent one to Mr. 
 Richardson, then went down to the Dr. s room to ask 
 him something, knocked, poked my head in, saw a 
 stranger there, did my errand, and was coming back 
 when he told me to come in. " Oh, no, sir, that was 
 all I wanted." "Yes, yes, come in, we want you." 
 Went in and was introduced to Dr. Elder, of Phila 
 delphia, who wrote the " Life of Dr. Kane." He and 
 his daughter are spending a week or so here at the 
 " National." Before he went awa} T he came up to me 
 and said: -Well, we are mutually satisfied, are we 
 not ? " I replied that I could only answer for one.
 
 212 (JAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 "Ah! that is enough, that finishes th;> business." 
 They were invited hero this evening. Do you want 
 to know how I was dressed ? Green silk, low neck 
 and short sleeves, lace cape, rose-colored bow, belt, 
 white lace cuffs with rose-colored bows, light-colored 
 kid gloves, fan and handkerchief, that s all. Never 
 looked better in my life, vain I suppose never 
 did everybody said so. .Mrs. Pratt said I was 
 dressed beautifully, looked so clean. Mrs. Pike came 
 to me in the course of the evening and said she wanted 
 to tell me how sweetly I looked. We were all in the 
 parlor waiting, and Mr. Hale came first and shook 
 hands with us all and said to me before he got to me 
 " Why, how beautiful you look." Now, mother, I 
 don t suppose Mr. Hale meant to say or thought I was 
 beautiful, but I think he was really surprised to find 
 so homely a girl could look so well. At any rate, the 
 consciousness of being well dressed contributed partly 
 to the pleasure of the evening. A "lot" of people 
 came in together, none of whom I knew, but one of 
 the women presently came up to me and said she 
 should not wait for an introduction, as she knew my 
 face and who I was. She proved to be Mrs. Wash- 
 burn, of Hartford, wife of Judge H s minister, and 
 is visiting her mother here. We talked on some time 
 in the middle of the room till Mr. Hale inarched be 
 tween us and said we should not talk together any 
 longer, it was not fair. Then Mr. Preston King en 
 tered the room and came near us and shook hands, 
 and I told him to stay and see me a little while. He 
 is too fat to stand, so he settled into an arm-chair at 
 my side, and I stood, and we had a charming little 
 conversation. He is so easy and sensible and good 
 withal, that I am quite in love with him. We talked
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 213 
 
 about health, and drinking coffee, and being good- 
 natured, etc., and found that our views coincided ex 
 actly and so we glorified each other grandly. Oh, 
 before that, I found myself next to a gentleman whom 
 I thought and called Dr. Lindsley, the family physi 
 cian, but he proved to be his brother-in-law, Dr. Peter 
 Parker, our Commissioner to China ; has lived there 
 for twenty-five years. You may tell Mrs. Cowles if 
 you like that I spent the evening with Dr. P. Parker 
 and talked about the Hcards, and I tried to lug her in, 
 but couldn t get him on the trail. Dr. Elder and his 
 daughter came in together and after a while he came 
 up to me and said he should have lauded there sooner 
 if he had not been dragged away. I had a very inter 
 esting conversation with him, part funny, part earnest, 
 about Dr. Kane, and presently saw Miss Elder coming 
 up to be introduced on one side and Miss Mott witli 
 Mr. Wilson on the other, and as I did not know 
 which way to turn first I looked straight ahead. (You 
 may think my power of vision very remarkable to 
 be able to see five different persons in three different 
 directions at one time, and only one eye for all, but I 
 am " remarkable, contributor," you know.) At the 
 first pause Dr. Elder took his daughter s hand, saying, 
 "Allow me to present you to Gail Hamilton." I put 
 up my hand with a deprecating gesture and turned 
 away with a distressed look without speaking a word, 
 at which they all laughed, and Miss Mott seized 
 the opportunity to introduce me to Gen. Wilson, who 
 said : "I am informed that I have a constituent 
 here." "I think, sir, I have a right to claim property 
 in you." What part of the State, etc.. He once 
 knew a Mr. Dodge from that town in the House, and 
 then I went back to Dr. and Mrs. Elder. Mr Grow,
 
 214 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 of Pennsylvania, joined our group after Dr. Elder 
 was hauled off, and remarked something to one of 
 them about such a thing being in order. I said, smiling, 
 "I am sure, sir, I know your position if I don t know 
 your name." Whereupon somebody introduced Mr. 
 Grow to Miss Dodge, who made mutual obeisance. 
 
 Wanting a net for my hair, I priced them at the 
 store, and found them a dollar and a quarter. I 
 thought of buying some silk, and sending to you to 
 do, but Mrs. B. advised me to get Mary MacLain to 
 teach me and do it myself. So I bought the silk for 
 forty cents, and learned it in two stitches, and the 
 net is nearly half done. Quite a difference in price. 
 Derby & Jackson, of New York, Mr. Wood s pub 
 lishers, sent to him asking if he knew who Gail Ham 
 ilton was. Mr. Goodrich Smith does not like my 
 " Men and Women," thinks they are not Christian 
 enough for a professing Christian. Consequently, 
 Mr. Goodrich Smith may go to Coventry, or, as 
 Doctor Bailey said when I told him, " Hang Mr. 
 Smith ! " His is the only dissentient voice I have heard 
 thus far. When I was a little girl, and wanted to 
 know whether a book was a Sunday book or not, I used 
 to look it over, and if I could find the word " God " 
 in it anywhere, I considered the question settled. So 
 Mr. Goodrich Smith seems to think that Christian 
 must be called out by name, or it cannot be present. 
 However, I think even he must be satisfied before he 
 gets through, for it turns out to be quite a sermon. 
 
 JANUARY 24. 
 
 The American Colonization Society had their an 
 nual meeting that evening. Mr. Orcutt, whom I used 
 to know in Hartford, is its agent, and as I thought he
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 215 
 
 would probably be there I concluded to go. It was 
 held at the Smithsonian. We arrived late. After we 
 got in I found that we had got on the side opposite Mr. 
 0., who was sitting on the platform. I told Mr. 
 Wood, and he immediately got up and " toted " me 
 round to the other side. After a while he got up again, 
 and went to Mr. Orcutt, and sent him to me, and he 
 sat by me as long as I stayed. Mrs. Adams, a poor 
 woman, came that day to let down my black silk 
 dress asked twenty cents. I gave her a quarter, 
 and three or four pairs of good stockings, so I think 
 she made a very good morning s work of it. Mr. 
 Wood said that Mrs. Gale wanted me to come up 
 there a little while that evening, but he would not tell 
 me what for. I went and found two ladies there, 
 teachers in Miss Miner s school for negro girls, which 
 made such a stir a while ago. I promised to go to see 
 the school sometime with Mrs. G. Entertained 
 them as well as I could for a half-hour or so, and re 
 turned. Thursday there was a "hop" at the Na 
 tional Hotel, and the Misses Mott and Mr. De 
 Naise sent a particular invitation for me to come, but 
 I had just before been invited by Mr. Wood to go to 
 the Capitol, to be present at an evening session, so I 
 had a good excuse for not going. Friday was very 
 rainy, but as I had some shopping to do to get ready 
 for Saturday, I went out after dinner. Coming home, 
 called at the Pikes. They were finishing their dinner 
 stopped and took a piece of pie, and a glass of 
 wine ( !) and a bit of fruit cake in my pocket. In the 
 evening Mrs. Pike gave a party to the Baileys, and 
 at the Bailey s, because the Dr. could not go out. 
 They undertook to have a dance and wanted me to 
 join the first part of the evening, but I wouldn t
 
 21 6 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 because I couldn t, so I took Mrs. Bailey s hand at 
 cards, and she took my place in the dunce, though she 
 never danced before in her life. Toward the latter 
 part of the evening they tried it again. As soon as 
 they began to speak of it I ran, but Mr. Wood and 
 Ella Kirby caught me and brought me back bv main 
 force, and I went through it. Mrs. B. said I did as 
 well as the rest, several of them knew no more about 
 it than I, so it was fine fun. Saturday morning I had 
 letters from Augusta and Mr. Richardson. He says : 
 " Your letter of the 14th, accompanied by a commu 
 nication for the Cong., was duly received. With 
 the latter we were particularly pleased as well as the 
 former." Of my " Men and Women," he says, " Hit 
 him again I am disposed to say, and Mrs. R. 
 heartily seconds the suggestion." You need not be 
 afraid of my breaking down under the weight of flat 
 tery. I have borne a good deal in my day, and am 
 thriving still. Your sentiments about my writing are 
 just, goose, and your criticism always to the purpose, 
 scamp. I believe you never offered one, scoundrel, 
 of which I did not make use. What do you care 
 if you did go to the "Cong." office? Good as the 
 best of em any time. As to the cards, I am afraid 
 mother will absolutely "give up" when she finds 
 dancing and wine-drinking added to the list. Never 
 mind, mother, my temptations don t lie in that di 
 rection, and if all the trouble is that it "don t have 
 a good sound," why just don t sound it, that s all. 
 
 It seems quite strange to hear you talk about the 
 cold weather and snow. We have been luxuriating 
 in most delightful spring sunshine. I have kept my 
 window open half the time till yesterday, when we 
 had a " cold snap." I did not send your item to the
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 217 
 
 " Congregationalist," because I do not entirely ap 
 prove of Mr. Mordough s flings. I like the bravery, 
 but not the mode of displaying it. I think them more 
 spirited than spiritual. As to cards, mother, I really 
 don t want you to think I am in the least devoted to 
 them. I would rather read or talk, but they are very 
 convenient to take off the stiffness of company, and 
 we carry on our conversation all the time. Mrs. 
 Bailey and I went down to the National to call on 
 the Motts, Elders, etc., none of whom were in. 
 Just as we were opening the outer door, however, Dr. 
 Elder came and stood and talked till our carriage 
 came ; asked where I was the evening he was in, and 
 whispered to me, " I have a kiss for you, but you 
 can t get it." I supposed likely L. K. Lippincott, 
 who is a great rogue, and who knows him well, gave 
 him the commission, so I said nothing and looked in 
 the opposite direction so that he could not see my 
 face. After we had gone, Mrs. B. says, " What im 
 pertinence was he whispering to you?" I told her. 
 She laughed and said there was no danger for me 
 because I did not mind such things, but it would not 
 do for some girls. I fudged myself for evening in 
 my black silk with low neck and short sleeves, wore 
 that broad black lace fastened to the neck for a 
 bertha, and a black lace under-handkerchief which I 
 made myself, and black mitts, all in black, you sec, 
 couldn t quite suit myself and went down to Mrs. 
 Bailey s room, where Mrs. Pratt took me in hand, put 
 one pearl pin in at one place, and a ruby in another, 
 looped up my bertha on the shoulders with black 
 velvet furnished by Mrs. Bailey, and declared I should 
 be the belle of the evening. I went through another 
 round of compliments even Dr. Bailey declared
 
 218 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the dress to be very becoming and he never spoke of 
 my dress before, one way or the other. Well Mr. 
 Hale came first as before and we played whist ! 
 I being Mr. Male s partner, under protest, though, as 
 I was afraid I should make him lose the game. We 
 gained, however, played only one game, then Mr. 
 Hale and I went off to a sofa and had a small chat, 
 and then I went off by the supper table at one end of 
 the room and men huddled together at the other, till 
 Mrs. Bailey came after me with a sharp stick and 
 told me to " pitch into " the men and not stay there. 
 She carried me half across the room and then was 
 called off, and I stood still and took a view of the 
 enemy finally saw one I knew, Mr. Baumgras, and 
 struck a bee-line for him. Dr. Peter Parker nabbed 
 me, and after a little complimentary nonsense intro 
 duced Mr. Warren, of Charlestown, Mass. He be 
 longs to the Warrens famous in history. He was an 
 accomplished and intelligent gentleman inquired who 
 Mr. Baumgras was. I gave him an obituary of that 
 gentleman, introduced them, and left them was next 
 seized by Dr. Elder, who posted me into a corner 
 where we were completely shut up and talked a long 
 while. Mr. Preston King came up and begged his 
 pardon for interrupting his conversation with that 
 interesting young lady (that s me ! ) but he could not 
 allow Dr. E. to forget him he stayed but a few 
 moments, however. We talked about likings and 
 dislikings, women marrying inferior men, the prin 
 ciples of right and wrong, and finally somehow got on 
 to myself, my shyness, its causes, etc., and wasn t he 
 clever ? I tell you what well, never mind. " Well," 
 says he, at last, with an oracular and decisive air, " I 
 like you." I smiled and made no reply. " Why
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 219 
 
 don t you say you don t wonder at it? " he continued. 
 " But suppose I do?" said I. " Now tell me do you 
 wonder that I like you ? (I.) " Well I 1-- (He.) 
 "No, speak right out now, don t you think you de 
 serve my love ?" (I.) "Yes, sir, I think in my 
 soul, and really if you knew me, you would like me." 
 (He.) " No, I don t mean mere liking. It is stronger 
 than that I love you." (I.) "Love then, I am 
 good enough to be loved, only I am surprised that, 
 considering the disadvantages under which I labor, 
 you should find it out so soon." We then had a short 
 discussion on elective affinities interrupted by a 
 young lady s dancing up to us, and I took occasion 
 to clear out, was accosted by Mr. Lovejoy, who offered 
 me oysters, but I declined and took a lump of sugar 
 instead and held one over his saucer asking him if he 
 would have sugar in his oysters. " No, you vixen." 
 Somebody spoke to me and Dr. Elder was at my 
 elbow after oysters, he said, but he took me first, 
 and I thought we were in for another confab, but 
 Mrs. Bailey sent up word that I should have Dr. E. 
 no louger, that there were ever so many people want 
 ing to see him, so he trudged off. Mrs. B. cnme to 
 me presently and said there was a lady here from 
 Essex County who wanted to see me, Mrs. Robert 
 Rantoul, and took me out to her and presented me. 
 I couldn t talk with her very well, couldn t think of 
 anything to say, aud in a desperation proposed to call 
 on her at her hotel and left. Then I went and stood 
 by the piano hauling off to repair damages took 
 a survey to see where to commence operations next. 
 Mr. Preston King was sitting on the sofa talking to a 
 lady. He got up and I hoped he was coming to me, 
 but concluded if he didn t I would go to him. He
 
 220 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 did come to me and I told him my surmises. He 
 laughed and said, " Yes. he got up to come," and then 
 we went into the mysterious connection of mind and 
 mutter." I told him I would offer him a chair only 
 there was no available one except a little cane-seat 
 which I was afraid to trust; hoped he wouldn t think 
 I was personal. "Of course not. Did I think that 
 he thought the mention of a chair was personal?" 
 General Wilson interrupted our conversation, and then 
 Miss Elder again, so that I did not talk with him 
 much. Dr. B. introduced me to Mr. Carter, a very 
 severe critic, " a writer for the Tribune, a friend of 
 Emerson s, and a very wise man generally." Marcel 
 told me afterwards that Mr. C. had been sight iry me 
 all the evening and Frank said he had asked him to 
 point me out. Dr. made me sit down between them 
 on the sofa, and Mr. Carter began to say something 
 about my " Era " productions which rather confused me 
 so (hat I forgot exactly what it was, but I believe the 
 gist of it was that he supposed them written by a 
 man, some friend of the Dr. s, and was surprised to 
 lind them by me. I never know what to do when 
 people talk to me in that way, and so generally stare 
 and simper like a simpleton. Mr. Lovejoy came up 
 again and said, " That man knows more than any 
 dozen other men in the city." We talked about writ 
 ing, and Emerson, and editors, and Concord, and 
 the sea-coast. Dr. Elder came up again to bid me 
 good-night. Most of the people were gone. He 
 shook hands, apologized for the interruption, and 
 said in a low voice, You know what I said I had 
 for you." I replied gayly, " Yes, payable on demand." 
 Presentl} they were all gone but the Pikes, my Mr. 
 Carter, and a Mr. Harrington, and General Wilson,
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 221 
 
 and then they wanted to dance and I had to join, and 
 we had a nice time and agreed that we had all had a 
 charming evening and went to bed. It was about 
 eleven, so you see we did not trench upon Sunday. 
 We have a new minister here, Dr. Butler, of Cincin 
 nati, who preached here four years ago and has re 
 turned. I like him exceedingly and expect to enjoy 
 going to church again, which I can t say I have done 
 before since I have been here, I mean as far as the 
 sermon goes. Dr. Bailey sent up and hired a pew as 
 soon as be heard he wns coming back, and we made 
 a pew- full yesterday. I went with Mr. Wood in the 
 evening and liked him better even than in the morning. 
 I must stop. Good-night. 
 
 JANUARY 27. 
 
 Mrs. Bailey took my head into her hands to-night, 
 and curled my hair, and trimmed my net with chenille 
 to the great admiration of some, and the disgust of 
 others. Mrs. Pratt has just told me that a lady 
 wanted to be introduced to me, and she wouldn t be 
 cause I had my head " fixed up," so she told her, 
 " She did not wish to introduce Miss Dodge to her to 
 night, she would another night." I saw Mr. Joshua 
 R. Giddings in the entry, and said to Mrs. Bailey 
 that I wanted to speak to him just to say that I had. 
 She introduced me. When I said, " Mr. Giddings, I 
 have been making Mrs. B. promise to give me a chance 
 to speak one word with you, as it is one of the things I 
 looked forward to most in coming to Washington, and 
 shall look back upon with most pleasure." You know 
 I talk fast, and will you believe instead of my 
 minute, he sat down in an arm-chair, and placed a 
 small one for me in front of him, and talked with me
 
 222 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 half an hour I should think of his political life, his 
 griefs asked me about Hamilton. I told him about 
 its being the nursing mother of the father of Ohio 
 he told me his father was a Gloucester boy. I told 
 him that such men as he were above flattery, and I 
 could therefore tell him how his name had been one 
 of my earliest enthusiasms. I asked him if I should 
 take his cup for more coffee. " Did I think he would 
 be so ungallant as to allow me to wait upon him in 
 that way?" " But his age, if I might allude to what 
 was generally a delicate subject, but which his crown 
 of glory rendered honorable, and his position quite 
 reversed the order of things, and I should be only too 
 well pleased to do it," etc., etc., etc. 
 
 FEBRUARY 26. 
 
 MY DEAR A. : Your letters I have not answered 
 before because I have put off everything that could 
 be put off till Congress was over, or, at least, till my 
 hurries were over. I have been in such a whirl that 
 sometimes I did not know what I was about. First, 
 you know, I have my pupils then those articles in 
 the "Era," once begun, had of course to be kept up 
 every week then there were books to review, and 
 books to be reviewed must be read. The notices of 
 "The Land and the Book," "Palfrey s History of 
 New England," " Atlantic Monthly, " " British Poets 
 and Ballads," "Sylvan Holt s Daughter," " Madame 
 Mario," and several others, I wrote. Then there 
 were the " Washington Letters" in the " Cong." 
 and the occasional stories, and every evening from 
 seven till twelve, or thereabouts, in the parlor with 
 company and a good many calls to return. You 
 may fancy I had not much opportunity for writ-
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 223 
 
 ing letters, though I have kept up my weekly letter 
 home with great regularity. Now I have finished my 
 " Men and Women," and I shall have but one or two 
 more letters to write, and I hope to have a little more 
 time at my disposal. 
 
 You speak of Mr. Wood s ideas having been propa 
 gated by the Spiritualists. It is quite time, for all 
 the valuable ideas I ever knew them to propagate 
 were held by good Orthodox people who had any 
 ideas on the subject. I investigated this matter of 
 Spiritualism pretty thoroughly a few years ago. I 
 read their own papers, and though I do by no means 
 believe that it is all humbug, or sympathize with the 
 ill-bred, foolish, useless, and blundering way in which 
 they are snubbed by some of their opponents, yet I 
 think if those who believe in it had been better ac 
 quainted with the views held by intelligent, thinking 
 Christians they would have said less about their own 
 opinions being so far in advance of the age. They 
 would have known that many views which charmed 
 themselves by their novelty had been long familiar to 
 Evangelical Christians, but being entirely new to 
 themselves, they supposed they were equally so to 
 others. However, I believe Spiritualism has its own 
 work to do in the world s salvation. It wakes us up 
 on the subject, makes us familiar with the idea of a 
 Future Life and at least gives rise to the question 
 If that is not true, what is true? 
 
 I can fully understand how large a part of your 
 life is taken up by reading. I mean, rather, consists 
 in your reading. Isolated as you are from a great 
 deal of the world, you are very happy in being able to 
 make for yourself an inner life. Yet if I were to 
 choose between a life in Washington, as I see it in the
 
 224 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 societ\" women here, arid a life such as yours, I should, 
 I think, very decidedly choose yours. I do not be 
 lieve this constant attention to dress, and dinners, 
 and visits, and sharp, smart, or proper savings, is 
 calculated to develop the higher qualities of the soul. 
 I would r.-ither grow great than grow sharp. If I go 
 home to Hamilton next summer I shall be in about the 
 same condition as to society that you are in, and shall 
 depend upon books in much the same way. I have 
 kept your New Year s letter to answer, though I suppose 
 by this time you have about forgotten the questions. 
 Mr. Male s daughter is not in Washington, but his 
 wife is. She is very beautiful. I like him he is 
 very kind-hearted, rather brusque, jerky in conversa 
 tion, but one to laugh and joke with as hard as you 
 please. Shall I tell you who of the Members are my 
 favorites ? Well, Preston King, Senator from New 
 York, the fattest man you ever saw, an old bachelor, 
 red faced, ugly but jovial, sociable, high-toned withal, 
 of excellent principles, and fair capacity so far as I 
 can judge. Mr. Doolittle, of Wisconsin, a noble 
 man, of fine presence the more I know him the 
 better I like him. In the house, Mr. Lovejoy is a 
 good, honest, burly, big fellow, and likes me and I 
 like him, so we get confiding occasionally. Mr. Bur- 
 lingame, of Massachusetts, is good as far as he goes. 
 Mr. Wilson, of Massachusetts, Senator, is not very 
 well educated, and besides, as somebody here said, 
 " he feels his oats." Mr. Dow, of Massachusetts, I 
 have met but once, but I liked him then. Mr. Clark, 
 of Connecticut, I like. Mr. Grow, of Pennsylvania, 
 is rather odd, but I rather like him. Mr. Giddiugs, 
 of Ohio, old Joshua R., I have had delightful long talks 
 with he has told me about himself, and his early
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 225 
 
 trouble, and we are on excellent terms. We have a 
 reception every Saturday night at which all these 
 people and a good many others come, so I have a 
 fine chance to see them, and I enjoy it exceedingly, 
 and quite astonish my friends by the manner in which 
 I come out. Dr. Elder, of Philadelphia, the author 
 of the " Life of Doctor Kane," is in town, and we have 
 struck up quite an intimacy. Mr. Hale remembered 
 you perfectly when I spoke of you to him, and 
 inquired your welfare with a great deal of interest, 
 and spoke of you very highly. Congress adjourns 
 next Friday, and then I suppose we shall be very 
 quiet, and I shall want to go home. I have, how 
 ever, some very good friends in the city whom I in 
 tend to cultivate, but the excitement and whirligig 
 will be gone. I shall read more, and walk more, and 
 sleep more. 
 
 The Patent Office is very different now. All the 
 fine fancy things have been removed to the Smithso 
 nian. I have walked over to Georgetown with Mr. 
 Hale, and rode over with the Dr. We got out and 
 ran up the hills by the side of the road on Georgetown 
 Heights. It was one of the finest views I ever saw. 
 We have had no winter at all scarcely most of the 
 time I have had my window open. You asked me if 
 I wrote my politics myself, or got some masculine 
 friend to do it. Scamp ! Do you think I am not up 
 to such things myself ? Yes, ma am, I wrote them 
 myself. 
 
 Monday morning. Since I commenced this one of 
 our neighbors who lived in the same block with us has 
 been shot dead by Mr. Sickles, Member of the House 
 from New York. It occurred yesterday about noon. 
 If ever murder was justifiable, I think this was. I
 
 220 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 went yesterday to hear Mrs. Lucretia Mott preach. 
 She was at our house Saturday night. One of the 
 sweetest faces I ever saw, and a charming, benevo 
 lent old lady. I quite fell in love with her. Her 
 husband s brother, Mr. Mott, is Member of the 
 House, and has two delightful daughters, whose ac 
 quaintance I have made here. I hope it won t be 
 quite so long before we exchange letters again. Good 
 morning. 
 
 Affectionately yours, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 MARCH 18. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I commence a letter to you 
 with but a very indefinite notion of when I shall finish 
 it. I received a paper, the "Observer," from you 
 yesterday, containing a notice of Aunt s death, also 
 that very curious reckoning up of the deaths for a 
 year making out the deaths in Hamilton to be at the 
 rate of a quarter of the population yearly. Now I 
 cannot believe that Providence intends to kill off the 
 population at that rate, and I see no use in making 
 such a calculation, nor any sense either. It reminds 
 me of the time when a slight shock of earthquake was 
 felt Sunday morning, and Squire Allen and several 
 others improved it by exhorting sinners to repentance. 
 For my part, I saw no connection between the two 
 things. If God s love and goodness and justice are 
 not enough to draw men to him I don t believe they 
 will generally be impelled by a very slight earthquake. 
 Nor do I think men will be benefited by being told 
 that they are dying at the rate of a quarter of a town 
 a year particularly when they know they are not. 
 
 I went a few evenings since to hear Mrs. Fanny
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 227 
 
 Kemble Butler read a play of Shakespeare s. The 
 audience was not large, being, as Maria remarked, de 
 cidedly sectarian, composed chiefly of Episcopalians 
 and the gayest of the Congregationalists. Mrs. But 
 ler is perhaps fifty years old, and from shoulder to 
 shoulder the broadest woman I should think that I 
 ever saw. Her arm is the arm of a blacksmith. She 
 wore low neck and short sleeves a dress that looked 
 as if it was lace over silk, and no hoops. Her read 
 ing and acting were very fine. 
 
 Mr. Wood proposed to me that evening to go to his 
 church the next evening to witness a baptism. I had 
 never seen one (by immersion), and assented. The 
 church was crowded, for besides the Baptists there 
 was also an Episcopalian who was to be plunged by 
 an Episcopal minister. It went off very well, but it 
 made me terribly nervous to see them go backwards 
 so. If they could only have been immersed face 
 downward, I should not have cared. Dr. Peter Parker 
 has moved into the house where Key used to live, so 
 we shall have him for a neighbor. 
 
 MARCH 30. 
 
 I had a letter from Mr. Curtis on Sunday, argu 
 mentative and valedictorian, desiring me to sign his 
 death-warrant, if it must be so. I replied to it yester 
 day with six pages. You think the chief part of your 
 leisure time is spent in writing letters. I wish I had 
 kept an account of the number of pages I have written 
 this year. . . . If I ever teach in any High 
 School it will be Hartford. I can t yet tell what I 
 shall do. My inclinations indicate very strongly not 
 to teach at all. Mr. Wood s injunctions are equally 
 stringent. The Curtiscs are mad to have me return
 
 228 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 to Hartford. Dr. Bailey has his heart on my coming 
 here. Mrs. Bailey says see what it is to be in de 
 mand ! I had a long talk with Mrs. B., two of 
 them indeed but I think it would be more profitable 
 in the end for me not to teach particularly as I am so 
 thoroughly tired of it. I will let you know as soon as I 
 have decided. Mr. Goodlow, calling, says I don t know 
 how popular I am getting in the city. A lady came 
 to him for the set of papers containing my " Men and 
 Women" they had been recommended to her by 
 Rev. Mr. Hall. A gentleman from Michigan wrote 
 to the Dr. to send him a set of the papers containing 
 the same, and entreated to know who Gail Hamilton 
 was. 
 
 APRIL 5. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I was making a call yesterday, 
 and while there the lady s mother came into the room, 
 and I was introduced to her. After a while she rose 
 from her seat and left the lady with whom she waa 
 talking and said to me, " What did I understand your 
 name to be?" I told her, and her daughter said, 
 " Why, it s Gail Hamilton. You know her." She 
 then came and sat down by me, asked where I was 
 from, and said I might be related to the Dodges of 
 AVenham. Well, we went on talking, and she spoke 
 of being in Essex and Gardiner, and Augusta, and 
 finally it came out that she knew Captain Stan wood 
 and his wife very well, "Old Captain Stanwood,"- 
 a great while ago. She said she had sailed in his ves 
 sel many times between Ipswich and Gardiner or 
 Augusta, I forget which, had seen Mrs. Stanwood 
 down there. She was a very smart, enterprising 
 woman, and they used to have long talks together 
 about the Ipswich people, and she knew Uncle Jacob
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 229 
 
 and Aunt Sally, and inquired for the children and 
 Daniel Stanwood, she believed, lived in her brother s 
 house and she knew Dr. Dana, of Ipswich, and Mrs. 
 Choate, of Essex, and Mr. David Choate, and Mr. 
 Crowell, and all those old worthies. Now can you 
 guess who it was? Well, it was Mrs. Webster, the 
 sister of Dr. Sewell, of Essex. Did you ever hear of 
 her or of him? She is a pleasant old lady, and 
 seemed right glad to see me and talk over her old 
 friends and my relatives. Her daughter, whom I 
 went to see, is Mrs. Lindsley, wife of Dr. Bailey s 
 family physician, mother of Rev. Mr. Washburn, 
 rector of Judge Huntington s church in Hartford, and 
 sister of Dr. Peter Parker s wife. 
 
 I received a letter from Mr. Wood on Sunday morn 
 ing. He says, " As to your continuing here, you know 
 how much it would add to rny happiness to have you 
 in the doctor s family, yet, while my own pleasure 
 would be secured by your doing so, I do not think it 
 best if you do not design to give up all your aspira 
 tions for authorship. I shall deposit in the Insti 
 tute for Savings, No. 576 Broadway, before I return, 
 $200, which I have set apart for you so that you shall 
 have this fund to supply yourself with the means of 
 making a beginning," etc., etc. I do not think I shall 
 touch it, as I don t think it will be necessary, but it is 
 just as kind in him. 
 
 You ask me how old I was yesterday? Well, I ve 
 got to the water-shed and now I am going down the 
 other side. Consequently, I am twenty-four. If I 
 live till next year I shall be twenty-three and so on 
 till I get to twenty, when I shall swing back again, and 
 thus vibrate between twenty and twenty-five during 
 the remainder of my natural life. I do not think
 
 230 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 there is any prospect of my remaining in W. during the 
 summer. I have no particular plan for the year to 
 come, only to write in a general way and not to teach 
 in particular. 
 
 APRIL 22. 
 
 Edward Spencer, of Baltimore, who wrote " Jasper," 
 in the " Era," is going to have a story in the " At 
 lantic " pretty soon. He wrote to Dr. Bailey a day or 
 two ago, " I should like to have held Gail Hamilton s 
 catalogue for her when she was looking at the pictures. 
 How daintily yet how defiantly she handles art just 
 as she would dandle a baby not her own yet with 
 none the less grace and confidence for that. She 
 understands sunshine, not philosophically or accord 
 ing to the laws of optics, but because she has lived 
 in it and danced in it arid knows it to be good. It is 
 a very pretty morning star that will shine all the more 
 brightly and serenely when the sun is fully risen. 
 Her pure objectiveness, her perfect unconsciousness 
 of ithe ego, is the great charm of her writings for me." 
 Dr. Bailey thinks of going to Constantinople. Mr. 
 De Naise will at any rate. His family have a reunion 
 there. One of his brothers, who is an officer in the 
 Russian army, is to meet him in Paris. The proba 
 bility is now that he will go before the Dr. does 
 that the Dr. will meet Mr. Sherman and wife in 
 Paris, they meet De Naise at Nice after he has made 
 his visit home, and then all go to Italy together. I 
 am trying to make one of those bouquet baskets of 
 white beads to hang up in the window, have begun 
 the third time and think I shall take it out once more. 
 They are very pretty if well made. I have made the 
 skirts of my two thin dresses, am making over a black
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 231 
 
 lace cape that I f adged up last winter and mending 
 in a general way to keep myself in some sort of trim. 
 I am reading Prescott s " Life of Phillip II. of 
 Spain" very interesting you must read it and 
 I have a blank book in which I note down the impor 
 tant places in which important things happened, that I 
 may have it all ready Avhen I go to Europe. You must 
 read some of those books if you intend to go with me. 
 Mr. Wood wanted me to send my papers on art to 
 Miss Ransom, a young lady, an admirer of mine, 
 whom I met here last winter but, as she is an artist 
 herself, I wrote to her telling her I would do no such 
 thing. Mrs. Dr. Butler and her daughter called here 
 on Monday evening. The Dr. was asleep on the 
 sofa, Mrs. B. asleep in her chair. I routed them up 
 and Mrs. Butler sat down by them and nobody intro 
 duced me, so I went on with my reading, listening 
 when anything interesting was said, but saying noth 
 ing. As Mrs. Butler left after an hour or so she 
 bowed to me and Mrs. Bailey saw me for the first 
 time, said she did not know I was in the room. We 
 had a little laugh over it, and the next day Mrs. 
 Butler called again and said she was determined this 
 time to make sure of me. 
 
 WASHINGTON, April 30. 
 
 I think your criticism of "Jasper " is just. There 
 is not enough simplicity and naturalness too much 
 fine writing and learning. Do you know you made a 
 pun and a good one too a thing unprecedented in 
 the Dodge family. The "Katy" was Kate Putnam, 
 of Worcester. I wrote the piece years ago when I 
 was in Ipswich, at Alvin s request. Easter Monday 
 we had a holiday which I improved by finishing a
 
 232 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 black lace cape. Then Martha, the sewing-girl, col 
 ored, who has made a confidante of me and repays me 
 by giving me molasses candy and mending me up and 
 doing various kind things, wanted me to write a letter 
 to her "lovyer" in China. Didn t I lay it on hot 
 and heavy? She actually cried when I read it to her. 
 It was "just the feelings she wanted to express." 
 " Miss Abby, you must have had some experience in it 
 yourself or you never could have written so ! ! ! " Mr. 
 De Naise was in in the evening and wanted to know 
 who Gail Hamilton was. She had written something 
 about babies which De Naise read in the parlor at the 
 National with wonderful effect, as a baby which had 
 been accustomed to squall there diurually had not 
 since appeared. Dr. referred him to me. I said 
 I had never even asked the Dr. who it was. Dr. 
 told him it was quite remarkable what a desire there 
 was to know whether G. H. was a man or woman. 
 De Naise said some said that it was a cross old bach 
 elor, and others a sour old maid. Presently the Dr. 
 told him. 
 
 It is decided at last that Marcel is to go to Europe 
 with his father. Mrs. 1>. did not feel easy to have 
 him go alone. Marcel has finished with his tutor and 
 is all ready to study law. It will be a grand thing 
 for him and he is abundantly able to profit by it. 
 Dr. sent me up a letter from somebody out West 
 saying, "And the wonderful Gail Hamilton. Is it a 
 man or a woman? is a standing topic of discussion 
 with my brothers and sisters. For myself, I have 
 long since made up my mind that Gail is feminine. 
 We like her immensely." Thursday I had a letter 
 from my graduating class on some twenty or thirty 
 slips of paper. In their surprise and gratitude for
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 233 
 
 iny letter they sat down there at the party and with 
 pen and pencil wrote me messages. I was of course 
 very glad to get it. Ellen Hunt wants my photograph, 
 but I don t believe she suspects how much it will cost. 
 They all looked at my picture and pronounced it ad 
 mirable. Nelly Tarr, who used to be governess here, 
 whose a friend of Grace Greenwood s, who married 
 Mr. O Connor, sub-editor of the " Philadelphia Post," 
 and who lives in Philadelphia, is coming to see Miss 
 Miner, and she wants me to come out there and spend 
 the evening. I suppose I shall go next week. 
 
 MAY 2, 1859. 
 
 This delicious summer air makes me want to go 
 home. I want to live in the country to plant, and 
 sow, and cultivate. I want to have a kitchen garden 
 and a flower garden, and I intend to have them, and 
 will be a famous farmer as you will see. 
 
 I suppose I shall come back here next fall. I did 
 not mean to teach the next year at all, but they want 
 me so much to come back, and the Dr. is an invalid 
 and wants to feel easy about going to Europe. 
 Washington is one of the most orderly cities I ever 
 saw. 
 
 The foot-passengers and drivers and shop-keepers 
 are universally polite. Coachmen stop a rod off to 
 let you cross the street. 
 
 It somewhat vexes me to hear people in other 
 places talk about the corruption that exists in Wash 
 ington. 
 
 There is a lady here Miss Miner who has organ 
 ized and established a school for colored girls. She 
 is a very energetic, practical woman with an indomit 
 able will. She has been long an invalid.
 
 234 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 She came to see me recently, when I remarked how 
 bright her eyes were and how abundant her hair. 
 She said she would tell me the secret of it. It is too 
 long to repeat, but she has a firm belief that an intel 
 ligence higher than her own has taken her in hand, 
 and has been and is affecting a cure. For a long 
 time her hands, without any will of her own, would 
 beat the diseased parts of her body severely first 
 spine, then liver, head, throat, etc., daily for five 
 hours. Now, it only begins when she is weary. She 
 is sensible, not given to vagaries, and her testimony 
 would be admissible in any court of justice. It is one 
 of the unexplained facts which cluster so thickly 
 around us in these latter days, and in the midst of 
 which we blindly grope while a ray of light seems 
 now and then to gleam athwart the darkness. In the 
 course of time and the progress of intelligence I 
 suppose all these facts will be properly classed, and 
 be showed to be only a part of the great organism of 
 the universe. 
 
 I must tell you I have been photographed by Brady. 
 I tried three times and have got an excellent picture 
 at last. It was not my own doings, but concocted by 
 Mr. Wood and Mrs. Bailey. Mr. Curtis has sent for 
 me to return to Hartford, offering me four hundred 
 dollars to teach half a day, but I do not intend to go 
 at present. 
 
 May 21. I received last Sunday a letter from Mr. 
 Richardson, saying: ! have the honor to enclose to 
 your address the within notes from Mr. D. S. Ford, 
 one of the editors and publishers of the Youth s 
 Companion, and also of the Watchman and 
 Reflector. I beg leave to assure you that we have
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 235 
 
 not had the temerity even to hint to him who or where 
 you are, considering ourselves under a solemn injunc 
 tion to keep the secret committed to our trust. Per 
 mit me to add my impression that you might find a 
 connection with the Companion pleasant, and that 
 you might obtain fair compensation. In justice to 
 the Congregationalists I must express the hope that 
 you will make no connection with any other paper 
 that will seriously interfere with your writing fre 
 quently for us. Are you expecting to be in Wash 
 ington again next winter? If so, you can calculate 
 on sending us some more letters if agreeable to your 
 self," etc. 
 
 The within notes were : 
 
 No. 1. 
 
 FRIEND "CONGREGATIONALISTS": As you make the 
 best paper in Boston of course after " ours " I am de 
 sirous to appropriate some of your excellencies. May I ? 
 Be clever now and tell me who Gail Hamilton is, and 
 whether I can get him or her (whichever gender the 
 name belongs to) to write for the " Companion." If you 
 do not object to granting this favor please tell me how 
 much you give a column for the articles of this writer. 
 
 Yours very fraternally, 
 FORD. 
 
 No. 2. 
 
 DEAR SIR : Be good enough to ask modest Gail whether 
 it will be agreeable for him (or her) to write for the 
 "Companion." If agreeable, be kind enough also to 
 inquire what we must pay Gail for that privilege. So 
 retiring a person I trust will not come down very heavily 
 for the tin. Is it possible that there is one writer, espe 
 cially for youth, who is fearful of notoriety? etc., etc. 
 
 There are several comments which I should make
 
 236 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 on these notes if you were within hearing, but as you 
 are not, I will give you the simple text and you may 
 draw your own conclusion. I wrote to Mr. Richard 
 son on Monday, telling him to tell that Ford that as 
 I had as yet got only fnr-off glimpses of the Di leo ta 
 ble Mountains, I had not set any pi-ice on my iniqui 
 ties, but he might tell me what my articles were worth 
 to him, and if I chose to write 
 
 I would 
 Ho might depend on t 
 
 If I won t, I won t 
 And there s an end on t. 
 
 Whether Mr. Ford will be able fully to understand 
 my message remains to be seen. Tuesday Dr. Bailey 
 sent me up six books to notice. You will see what 
 they were in the paper. As I keep nearly all the 
 books I notice I have quite an acquisition to my 
 library. It is a rather easy way of getting books. 
 The Dr. is to leave next Thursday. The present 
 war may have some effect on his future movements. 
 It may prevent his going to Italy, though again it 
 may be over before he gets there. I hope you will 
 read up on it and not wait till it gets to be history, 
 for then you certainly never will know. If you see 
 a crocodile served up a week or two hence you will 
 know where it came from. Tell Maria it is necessary 
 to throw in judicious moral reflections in order to 
 appease the populace, who won t eat a crocodile with 
 out condiments. I m sorry you did not like " The 
 Stilts," but you mustn t expect the best of everything 
 even from my pen. I shall have to set Mr. Ford s 
 application against your disapprobation.
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 237 
 
 MAY 28. 
 
 The Dr. and Marcel left at half-past six. About 
 nine, as Mrs. Bailey was " clearin up," she discovered 
 their passports in the secretary ! You must know, 
 mother, that they could not set foot in France without 
 their passports. Accordingly there was some flying 
 round for the next hour or two. During the day we 
 had three telegraphic despatches from the Dr. along 
 the road telling us to send them by express. We 
 sent letters to them, and expect to receive one this 
 morning, after which we shall not hear again for three 
 weeks or more. 
 
 In the evening, to cheer the somewhat depressed 
 circle, I brought down some of my old verses, etc., 
 and read them aloud to the company, consisting of 
 Mr. Wood and Mrs. B., who seemed to be considera 
 bly entertained. 
 
 Monday, A.M. We have received two letters from 
 the Dr. He bore the journey well said he had 
 walked more at the stations along the road than he 
 had done at home in a month. They were to set sail 
 at twelve o clock, Saturday, in the " Argo." Mr. W. 
 Frank and I went to the Navy Yard on Saturday, 
 but there was no ship, so we only surveyed the various 
 operations and great guns. Mrs. Dr. Peter Parker 
 spent the evening here and entertained us with an 
 account of some of her Chinese experiences. 
 
 JUNE 1 1 . 
 
 Monday, after supposing myself destitute except a 
 three-cent piece, I found a $2.50 gold piece in one 
 of my drawers, with which I was very much delighted. 
 Now, mother, if I had been careful and not lost that, I 
 never should have had the pleasure of finding it. It
 
 238 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 is the second one I have found in that way when I 
 thought I had no money. Moral: Never be careful 
 of your money. 
 
 WASHINGTON, June 18. 
 
 I have taken a small piece of paper and I don t 
 know that I shall fill that I am so disgusted at the 
 very idea of writing letters bah ! Don t expect 
 another one from me at present. There is plenty to 
 write about, but how can I bring myself to tell it all 
 over ? I won t, so there ! I received your letter and 
 mother s yesterday. 
 
 June 20. After the above spasm I laid mv pen 
 down exhausted and got up at five o clock this morn 
 ing to give you a few " hitems." Saturday, June 11, 
 I sent you my last letter. Professor Marix called 
 and stayed nearly an hour and we had a delightful 
 talk. I do like to talk with the right sort of people. 
 Monda} r I walked over to Miss Miner s, she teaches 
 the colored school, and when I got home, we went 
 to a sacred concert of the children in Trinity Church. 
 
 Dr. Parker was in in the evening. Did I tell you 
 that Mrs. Parker, after nineteen years of marriage, 
 has just had her first baby? It is a boy, and they 
 are both in raptures. She is very well. 
 
 JUNE 23, 1859. 
 
 MY DEAK MOTHER : You have probably heard by 
 this time the news of Dr. Bailey s death on board the 
 steamer u Argo." It was very unexpected, almost as 
 much so as if he had been in perfect health. We 
 were expecting letters by the "Persia" that evening. 
 Mrs. Bailey s only anxiety had been lest some acci 
 dent should happen to the ship. That morning she
 
 FIRST YEAR IN WASHINGTON 239 
 
 sent down for the morning papers to see if the "Argo" 
 had arrived in England. She saw that it had and, 
 without looking any farther, threw herself on the bed, 
 laughing in a kind of rapture of joy. Fanny picked 
 up the paper and read the next paragraph, which an 
 nounced his death. Without saying anything to her 
 mother she brought the paper to me. I heard her 
 moaning in the utmost distress as she came up the 
 stairs and ran to meet her. Her face was so white 
 and terrified that I feared the worst. The paper was 
 all crumpled in her hand and she could only cry out, 
 " What does it mean ? " She told me that her mother 
 did not know it and I must tell her. I thought I 
 could not. Maggie came crying into the room to 
 know what was the matter, and I heard her mother 
 calling on the stairs and I knew that it must come, so 
 I went out and told her. Yesterday was a terrible 
 day. I was with her all day and last night. The 
 doctor gave her an opiate last night and she slept a 
 good deal, and is a little calmer to-day. The blow 
 was the heavier coming directly after the sudden joy 
 on his supposed safe arrival. "We received a letter 
 from Marcel last evening. He says his father grew 
 gradually weaker from the time the steamer left New 
 York and a violent cold which he took hastened his 
 end. Every comfort was afforded him and his last 
 moments were calm and free from pain. Some time 
 before his death every uneasy expression vanished 
 from his face, his brow cleared, a peaceful and happy 
 look came on him, and from that time till his death 
 there was no pain, but he seemed to be perfectly at 
 rest. His whole life has been a grand application of 
 Christian principles to the affairs of life. 
 
 This will change my plans about coming home. I
 
 240 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 cannot leave Mrs. Bailey yet not, certainly, till after 
 the funeral. Mother, I will make up at the other end 
 of the vacation, if I do return, what I lose to you at 
 this. Every one is very kind to Mrs. Bailey and to 
 me. I have been writing to her friends.
 
 VI 
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 
 
 1859-1860 
 
 241
 
 VI 
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 
 
 1859-1860 
 
 JULY 3. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : Perhaps you expected a letter 
 from me before, but I have been waiting to be able to 
 give you definite information about my coming home. 
 You must look out in the papers for the arrival of the 
 " Vauderbilt," and expect me to start a day or two 
 after that. I suppose I shall have to stay one day 
 after the funeral, because I witnessed the will and that 
 will have to be probated before I leave. Capt. Nay- 
 lor is going on to New York and he will be very glad 
 of my company. He is one of my friends. You 
 have heard me speak of him. He served in the Mex 
 ican war, and was a member of Congress eccentric 
 but good, and good company. 
 
 Mother, I wish you would meet me in Boston as I 
 first proposed. Affectionately, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 CAMPTON, GRAFTON Co., July 30, 1859. 
 MY DEAR MOTHER ; You will see by the date that 
 we are safely here. I will give you first an account 
 of my adventures in Boston. I went with all my 
 bundles secure to F s, saw him a little while, and then 
 243
 
 244 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 proceeded to Dick s - went upstairs, saw a tall, 
 moustachioed and whiskered young man, who seemed 
 to be somewhat acquainted there, but had on his hat 
 and was just going out. I stood a moment and then 
 he spoke to the man behind the screen and he came 
 out and I said, " Is Mr. R. in?" and he said, " I am 
 Mr. R.." and I was taken aback, as he was about 
 twenty years younger looking than I expected to see 
 him. I stared, and he said, "Is it Miss Dodge? 
 and I said " Yes," and he asked me to come into the 
 other room and sit on the sofa, and I went and couldn t 
 think of a thing to say, nor he either, and then he in 
 troduced the tall man as the Rev. Mr. Dexter, and I 
 told Mr. Dexter he didn t look at all like a minister, 
 and he said he didn t have his clerical suit on, and he 
 popped himself down on the sofa beside me and we 
 talked and laughed and I showed him my picture and 
 he didn t think it was very good not half so pretty 
 as I was ! and said Whipple of Boston ought to have 
 taken one of me, and he wished I would go over and 
 see the kind of picture he meant. He wanted me to 
 be photographed there right away, and I wouldn t and 
 couldn t, and Whipple came in and they both went at 
 me and I said I wasn t dressed for it and Mr. D. 
 said he didn t care for the dress what he wanted 
 was my face, and half persuaded, and half forced, I 
 finally sat three times ! Then he wanted me to go to 
 Mt. Auburn with him and his wife in the afternoon, 
 and I said I would. Mr. D s son, of eleven years, 
 came out to Mt. Auburn in the cars. We walked 
 around the grounds, then went into the tower and 
 then came home. He says he thinks I must have been 
 intended to be his sister. He never had any sister. 
 We didn t get home till after six.
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 245 
 
 SEPTEMBER 25. 
 
 I remember you roasted and spitted and basted 
 and carved me about Mrs. R., because I didn t an 
 swer her note, and because I said she was splendid, 
 and I did answer her note, and she is splendid, 
 whether New England is a province or a Cosmos. 
 Splendid means brilliant, sparkling, shining, and the 
 boy s story, and the girl s story, and the toad under 
 the rock are just that, bless you! And she didn t 
 write any either. She only scrawled a scratch with a 
 lead pencil on a torn leaf of something, just because 
 you had " egged" her on till life was a burden to her, 
 and she took revenge by just saying that she had been 
 a long time hesitating whether it was worth while to 
 attack me, and finally concluded it wouldn t pay. Do 
 you think I was going to get up an alliance, offensive 
 and defensive, on that? Now you be civil, or I will 
 just write a note to Mrs. R. and tell her that you 
 called her a lizard. 
 
 Send on that " Little Pilgrim ! " Quick ! 
 
 Now see here, cotton-lipped Oleander, as the old 
 man on the wood-pile said to the negro-woman contra- 
 banders below "I ain t rich, but I m generous." 
 I don t wish you ever to say anything about paying 
 me. When you want me to write a story, you say so, 
 and when you have more money than you know what 
 to do with, give me some of it ; but don t ever not 
 ask me to write because you have nothing to pay 
 with, and above all things and especially, don t ever 
 suffer yourself to be annoyed by the shadow of an 
 idea that you owe me anything but the most heartfelt 
 devotion, and that you will never pay, and so I call 
 it a bad debt and put it out of the inventory. 
 
 I went to see Whittier the other day. He told me
 
 246 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 a shabby turn which somebody had done you, offi 
 cially. May he come to grief ! Whittier talked about 
 Grace, too. Isn t Whittier irresistible? Isn t the 
 Merrimac peerless ? Don t talk about the Arno and 
 the Rhine. They re no better than the Merrimac, and 
 I don t believe there are any such rivers, either. Isn t 
 Whittier even sweet? Isn t their Charles and Mary 
 Lambness a perpetual poem ? 
 
 Grace, you are coming to Lynn. Hamilton is only 
 a matter of fifty cents or so, from I^-nn. If society 
 gets to be a "boah," and you want to lie on a sofa, 
 and see nobody, and do nothing, and rest, and speak 
 once in about three hours, why then Hamilton is just 
 the place for you. Never mind the loss of money. 
 Money is nothing but metal. This world is all a fleet 
 ing show, though it must be confessed that the most 
 of even that is made by money. 
 
 I can t tell whether this story is anything or isn t, 
 or what it is. I ve just made it up as I went along 
 out of nothing, and very likely I have boggled over it, 
 but what business have you to make me write a story 
 late into Saturday night, when I want to be knitting a 
 mitten for the soldiers, tell Annie, Grace, with red, 
 white and blue in it, which I don t believe she has in 
 her stocking. 
 
 BOSTON, MASS., October 5, 1859. 
 I am thus far on my way to Washington. I am 
 also writing in an Editor s sanctum, in an Editor s 
 chair, on an Editor s desk, with an Editor s pen, by 
 an Editor s ink, on an Editor s paper, and don t I 
 feel awed ? That s the reason why I am graver than 
 usual.
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 247 
 
 WASHINGTON, D.C., October 9, 1859. 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : You see I am safely here, so I 
 will begin with you where I left off. After leaving 
 my trunk at the Worcester depot, I went up to the 
 " Congregationalist " office and asked Mr. Green if I 
 could rent the office a little while as I wanted to finish 
 a piece and write a letter. He put me at once into 
 Mr. Dexter s part of it, and furnished me with writing 
 materials, and I stayed quietly till I had finished oper 
 ations, calling out to him once in a while when I 
 thought of anything I wanted to say. He told me 
 the way he suspected me the first time I was there was 
 because I looked like my sister in Cambridge also 
 he read a letter from his sister speaking of Gail Ham 
 ilton and his power to interest children. Dea. James 
 was introduced to me, and I had some conversation 
 with him. I took the horse-cars to Cambridge. I felt 
 really miserable in the evening, and took some wine 
 the last thing before going to bed, and also in the 
 morning before I went away. I think it was nothing 
 but the excitement and want of sleep. Felt carried 
 me over to Boston the next morning, and went with 
 me as far as the first stopping-place, and there I will 
 stop my letter, too. I want to send this by the first 
 mail. It will serve to let you know that I am here 
 and well, at last. Good morning, 
 
 Affectionately, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 OctOBER 10. 
 
 MY DEAR FAMILY : I will continue my narration. I 
 had a really delightful ride to Meriden. The cars 
 were very clean, very easy, and I had four seats to 
 myself. The rest was just the thing for me. I had
 
 248 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 as pleasant a visit at Abby s as I could under the cir 
 cumstances, but I was not at all well. I had no appe 
 tite, and was only fit to go to bed though I did not 
 till the proper time. A little after one I left for 
 N.Y., and arrived there safely before sunset. I fol 
 lowed the crowd and saw a horse-car marked % 27th 
 St. and Astor House " so I got into that and told 
 the conductor to let me out at the Astor House, as I 
 did not know where it was. It was the end of the 
 route. He told me where to find the private entrance 
 the porter showed me into the parlor, and presently 
 Mr. S. entered, looking around, and I rose and he 
 said, v Miss Dodge? "and I said, "Mr. Stetson?" 
 Then I told him that I w;is travelling from Hamilton, 
 Massachusetts, to Washington, and unexpectedly 
 found myself obliged to remain in N.Y. over night, 
 and so I had thrown myself on him in hope of not be 
 ing torn in pieces by wild beasts, etc., etc. " Ham 
 ilton? What! Essex County?" Yes, sir. Why, 
 he used to be there himself. It was the best place to 
 live in he ever saw. He would be glad to go there 
 now. Did I live in Backside or Foreside ? What was 
 my name? What was my father s name? He used 
 to know Dodges. AVell, he said I needn t be in the 
 least afraid. Everything went on there just like 
 home, etc., and he gave me his arm and went with me 
 to look up my trunks, and sent a porter for the house 
 keeper, etc , etc., and everything went off very well, 
 just as well as if I had had twenty men about me. I 
 had breakfast at six and left in the cars at seven. 
 Nothing in particular happened till I got to Baltimore. 
 There it began to rain, and a very severe thunder 
 shower. We had to change cars there and ride 
 through the city in horse-cars. It rained a little when
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 249 
 
 I got in. The car was crowded full, and squeezed in 
 among the rest, sat the Rev. Mr. Spalding of New- 
 buryport ! Of course there was something of an ex 
 clamation on both sides. He had been on to the 
 meeting of the A. B. C. F. M., and was going to 
 Washington to see the sights. It was right pleasant 
 to see and talk with him. At Washington Marcel 
 and Mr. Wood met us. Mr. W., Mr. S., and I got 
 into a carriage and waited some twenty minutes for 
 my trunk to be got out and put on, and then we 
 drove home. Of course it gave the two a fine chance 
 to get acquainted, of which I was very glad, as I had 
 been offering Mr. W. to Mr. S. as guide. I found 
 
 O O 
 
 Mrs. Bailey and the children well. The former in as 
 good spirits as I expected. I did not sleep much that 
 night and had a renewal of my attack in the morning, 
 but am now well. Have recovered my appetite and 
 strength. If things go well here it seems as if we 
 might be very comfortable. Mrs. B. speaks encour 
 agingly of the paper, but I have not much faith in it. 
 Mi s. B. said that Mr. AVood brought with him such a 
 pleasant impression of my mother ! Good morning. 
 
 Affectionately yours, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 WASHINGTON, 1859. 
 
 Mr. Derby s letter contained a letter which he had 
 received from Miss Evans of Mobile, the authoress of 
 " Beulah," a book which you remember I reviewed in 
 the " Era " a while ago. She says " The review in the 
 National Era is an extremely well- written, humor 
 ous, caustic article. You write that it was written by a 
 young lady whose name I could not clearly decipher. 
 Ah, dear Mr. Derby, are you quizzing me or are you
 
 250 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 quizzed? Don t you know Henry Ward Beech* T and 
 Henry Ward Beecher only wrote it? Why, sir, I see 
 Beecher in every line, from Crockett s coon to the 
 hard, green apples. It is admirably written and 
 I have really enjoyed it laughed heartily so did 
 pa. You probably know very well that the Era is an 
 abolition sheet and you may be sure Beecher contrib 
 uted the article. Limited as is my acquaintance with 
 him, I can detect some of his pet phrases." He said 
 that when he read my "Beulah" notice he said to 
 friends, " Why that was just the view Beecher took of 
 it." He also sent me Mr. Beecher s autograph, and 
 reiterates his belief that " You could do something 
 handsome with a book if you only try. I mean in 
 writing a book, for you are smart, if I have to say it." 
 I have had two letters from Mr. Richardson this 
 week hurrying me up about my letters, which he wants 
 begun right off. He also says in the first letter 
 "Don t you find time to write more for us? Remem 
 ber, you haven t sent an article for the^rs^ page yet, 
 notwithstanding your fair promises ! but undoubtedly 
 you have a first-rate excuse, but seriously we should 
 like more copy from you." In the second he closes 
 with " more copy." I will send you a copy of the " S. 
 & S." with a story of mine in it. Look at the pictures 
 and see if you think " Bekkie " would recognize her 
 self. The girls are too old for the story, but he says 
 they had to take such pictures as they could get, 
 as they hadn t time to get new ones made. Send it 
 to mother when you have read it. They have a 
 Christmas story of mine for that also, and one for the 
 February number. The notices of " Sword and 
 Gown," Saxe s Poems, and the "Nat. Philosophy" in 
 the last "Era " were mine. I shall have no letter next
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 251 
 
 week, but a rhyming one the week after. I saw a 
 piece of calico that I thought was remarkably pretty, 
 went in to get enough for a clothes-bag. It was only 
 ten cents, so I bought enough for a dress. It is right 
 pretty. Mr. Love joy told me he had written a poet 
 ical agricultural address. I said I wouldn t believe it 
 till I saw it. "Didn t I know he was a poet?" "I 
 thought his face looked like one sicklied o er with 
 the pale cast of thought (you know he is big, brown, 
 and burly), but I considered his forte to be letter- 
 writing ! " I laughed at him about the letter he wrote 
 to me last summer. 
 
 I have written to Mr. Derby to-day. He has sent me 
 a package of five new books : Chateaubriand, Voltaire, 
 Pascal, and the "Fool of Quality," in two volumes. 
 I made matters square with him some time ago. 1 
 told him I swept off my old friends with the old year 
 and began the new with a clean record, that the snake 
 sloughed off his old skin before he put on his new, 
 and that I could not have successive layers of friend 
 ships any more than the snake could successive layers 
 of skin that if I didn t adopt some such purgative 
 process I should have a congestion of the heart from 
 a plethora of lovers that I treated men and women 
 just as I did oranges, suck all the juice out and then 
 throw em away that I believed in a rotation of 
 crops morally and mentally as well as physically 
 that when you ve taken the measure of a man, have 
 sounded and fathomed him, and know that you can t 
 wade in him more than ankle deep when you ve got 
 out of him all your soul needs, what is the next thing 
 to be done? Why, let him go. Do as the tick does, 
 gorge yourself and then drop off. "Now," I said, 
 "if YOU want a friend for just as long as she feels
 
 252 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 like it, a fair weather, skin-deep, April-shower friend, 
 why, I m your man. I ll laugh and talk with you as 
 long as it suits my humor and you are happy and 
 prosperous, but when the clouds come, and the drops 
 patter, and the winds blow, I ll stretch my wings and 
 fly off." Isn t that fair? But "oh!" he replied, 
 " won t I keep out of your net ! " 
 
 DECEMBER 12. 
 
 I was at Congress every day last week, and of 
 course it takes a large slice from my day. When they 
 get a Speaker I shall not attend quite so closely. Mr. 
 Burliugame with two other Members has taken a house 
 on our street. My book, I hope, will not come out 
 this season. I went upon the Senate floor after it 
 adjourned and saw Preston King. 
 
 I saw Mr. Corwin (Hon. Tom) in the evening as 
 I was going out told him I didn t suppose he remem 
 bered me, but I remembered him. He said he should 
 have remembered me twenty-five years ago. I only 
 saw him on a visit here last year. He was not in 
 Congress ; then Mr. Clepham joined me in Congress 
 and came home with me. 
 
 DECEMBER 21. 
 
 Wednesday I went to the Senate to hear Mr. 
 Wade of Ohio. Right brave words he spoke, too. 
 Mr. Fogg came and sat behind me and gave me the 
 benefit of his comments. After Mr. Wade was 
 through we went into the House to see what they 
 were doing, and stayed through one ballot, but it 
 didn t look as if they were going to elect a Speaker, 
 and we went home at the beginning of what promised 
 to be a long speech. I took my knitting-work up to
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 253 
 
 the Senate yesterday and did a good long piece 
 whereat Mr. Hale was greatly disgusted and 
 begged I wouldn t do it again. Thursday Capt. 
 Naylor joined me in the House and introduced a 
 Mr. Mitchell, of St. Louis. He- is a man who has 
 been spoken of to take the "Era " fine talents, simple 
 in manners. He stayed till we went home. Capt. 
 Naylor was here in the evening, told the people that 
 my running comments on the speakers ought to be 
 published in the " Globe " in parallel columns with the 
 reports of the speeches. Said he saw Mr. Mitchell 
 afterwards and he was quite charmed with me ! 
 Said " What a sprightly little girl that is ! I haven t 
 met anybody so witty for years ! " I don t suppose 
 he did say so, but Capt. Naylor said he did, and 
 Capt. N. always speaks the truth. Sunday morning 
 Mr. Lovejoy came and wanted me to go to church 
 with him, so I took him with me to Dr. Butler s, but 
 he kept whispering comments which I was afraid peo 
 ple would hear, till I told him I never would take 
 him to church with me again if he didn t behave. 
 After we got out I told him I didn t know how he 
 felt, but I certainly had a sense of relief. 
 
 DECEMBER 19. 
 
 At one o clock, we went to the House. A South 
 erner was blustering away, and then they went to 
 voting. Presently I got into conversation with a 
 lady who sat next me. I scolded considerably about 
 two Members, who were making jackasses of them 
 selves, and presently discovered that she was a wife of 
 some Member. I told her that if she wasn t the wife 
 of either of those I didn t care. She seemed a good 
 deal amused at my remarks, and presently said there
 
 254 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 was a little girl over there who wanted to come and 
 sit next me. So a little girl crowded past the two 
 ladies who were in company. I said to her " Why, 
 I don t know you, do you know me ? " She said she 
 didn t know me, but she had read my stories. Of 
 course I was a little taken back. I asked her where. 
 She said "In the Little Pilgrim. " How did she 
 know they were mine? Father told her. Her name 
 was Anna Dawes and she was eight years old. Her 
 father is a Member. I remember seeing him here 
 last winter. I think the two women were Mrs. 
 Bufflnton and Gooch, who have taken a house on C 
 St. I thought Mr. Burlingame was going there, but 
 he is at the National. Mr. Lovojoy sent up one of 
 the pages to me in the gallery with a package of 
 franked envelopes, one of which I shall send to you. 
 Tuesday, Frank, Fanny, and I went to the House 
 again. You see I want to be there when a Speaker 
 is elected and see the ceremony of inauguration, so I 
 do not lose a day. In the evening Mr. De Naise 
 was here. He has just returned from his foreign trip. 
 You know he and the Dr. were to go together. Mr. 
 De Naise was going home to a family gathering in 
 Constantinople (Turkey). He was present at the 
 battle of Solferino has talked with Garibaldi 
 was so near as to hear the balls whistling about him. 
 
 I received your letter, mother, Saturday morning. 
 As to danger, you need not be alarmed. I don t ap 
 prehend any. There is too much bark to have very 
 much bite. 
 
 "Tom" is Mr. Tom Corwin, a man famed for his 
 wit. He was a Member of the House some twenty 
 years ago, and has now been returned again. He 
 has been, I believe, Governor of Ohio and a mem-
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 255 
 
 ber of the President s Cabinet. Mr. Sumner is back 
 here, but I don t believe they will touch him again. 
 I believe he has gone to Boston now to remain over 
 the holidays. He is tall and quite handsome. I saw 
 Mr. Grow at the House the other day. He used to 
 be at our house last winter. 
 
 Yesterday I went to church, at ours in the morn 
 ing, and at Mr. Wood s in the evening. Our church 
 was beautifully dressed. All the pillars and posts 
 were twined with evergreens and all along the galler 
 ies were hung gilt stars, crosses, etc., wreathed with 
 evergreen. A magnificent bouquet was on the read 
 ing-table. We had a fine sermon from Dr. Butler, a 
 very full house to hear it. A so-so-ish one from Mr. 
 K. in the evening. I don t think I shall go to church 
 any more in the evening. I am going to stay at 
 home and read the Bible with notes and maps, and 
 Neander s " Church History." I think it will be more 
 profitable to me than preaching. 
 
 DECEMBER 28. 
 
 In token of my respect for your character, my 
 esteem for your virtues, and my love for yourself, I 
 enclose in this letter, with my best wishes for the new 
 year, a collar which I have made for you. I want 
 you to take notice that the lace of this collar is real 
 Valenciennes and cost a small fortune more than 
 I could afford the broad lace was given me by Mr. 
 Wood to make a collar for myself the rest, by 
 Mrs. Bailey. So, you see, it didn t cost me a cent ! 
 only the making. As Mr. Wood announced to me 
 his intention of giving away one of the purses I gave 
 him, I announced my intention of giving away this 
 collar to vou. He was rather gratified and said he
 
 256 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 should feel as if he had an interest in it. I was going 
 to get you a ring, but I am so wretchedly poor. 
 
 Mr. Burlingame walked home with me told me 
 about his buffalo hunt in Kansas. They couldn t get 
 horse, and found they must hunt on foot, or go back 
 without any hunt. As that was what they came for, 
 he concluded to go on foot. The danger is that if 
 you wound a buffalo anywhere but in the vital part, 
 he is sure to turn upon you the vital part is about 
 the size of a turkey and they went out on the open 
 plain, without the shelter of a tree, and shot. He 
 says it was the rashest thing he ever did, and he was 
 a fool for doing it, and would not do it again. Their 
 lives depended on their shooting straight. He and 
 another man always aimed at the same buffalo and 
 they never missed. Of the nine that were killed, they 
 killed seven. Mr. Lovejoy is quite lame. Has to 
 ride to and from the Capitol. One of the ministers 
 at his boarding-place asked him what the matter 
 was, and he told him it was his dislike of pro-slavery 
 ministers struck in. 
 
 [To LEANDER K. LIPPINCOTT, AND GRACE HIS WIFE.] 
 
 WASHINGTON, 1859. 
 
 1 received this morning a book called " Old Wonder 
 Eyes," purporting to have been written by the distin 
 guished individuals to whom I have the honor of 
 addressing this letter. I have my suspicious as to 
 the truth of this statement. In the first place, I 
 don t believe the male Greenwood can write such a 
 charming sketch as "Old Horace," or as " My First 
 Day in Trousers." In the second place, I don t 
 believe he would if he could. In the third place
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 257 
 
 (my dear Grace, this is for your private ear), if he 
 did write the ones I have attributed to him, the rascal 
 has done better than you or I, either. Really the 
 book is a very sweet one, and I only wish I had ten 
 small children that I might give a copy to each one. 
 I have not read all the stories, and I dare say those 
 I have not read are very mean ones. Your sugges 
 tion that the Dorians might have brought grapes from 
 Cyprus, and have made them into wine at home, is a 
 very good one, and I shall use it if I am ever assailed, 
 but that it was made at the table is not a tenable 
 position, since, if my classics is not very much mis 
 taken, the young ladies of Doris did not " assist " at 
 the banquets of the gentlemen. 
 
 Your god " takes the little children under his own 
 peculiar care and does not wait to have them commit 
 ted to him by miserable adult sinners." Now if there 
 is any bigotry that is contemptible, it is the bigotry 
 of your self-styled liberals. A good old Puritan of 
 the straightest sect is bigoted, honestly, conscien 
 tiously, because he never thought of the thing ; hasn t 
 the slightest idea what bigotry is ; but you who pre 
 tend to a more catholic religion, and broader views, 
 you swing to the other extreme and are just as narrow 
 and just as canty, with this difference, that you pre 
 tend to be wise above others. 
 
 What do you mean? Are we to ask God to do 
 nothing which He does of His own will. He gives 
 food to the just and the unjust, yet He has com 
 manded us to pray Give us this day our daily 
 bread. This whole matter of prayer is beyond the 
 sweep of my mind and of yours. It is enough for 
 us to know that God has commanded it. A very lit 
 tle reflection will enable us to understand, partially at
 
 258 GAIL HAM ELTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 least, the reason of this command, but our under 
 standing does not affect our duty, nor does duty 
 prevent its being a pleasure. 
 
 Am I going to spend a year in this ? Of course 
 I am. Where did you suppose I was going to spend 
 it? Did you think the President was going to offer 
 me a room in the White House, or that the man in 
 the moon was to pop the question, or that I should 
 make an immense fortune by writing for the " Era," 
 and set up housekeeping on my own account? When 
 any of these things happen I shall probably rest on 
 my lees. Till then I shall meet life with what strength 
 I may, nor expect to find it a bed of roses. 
 
 JANUARY 2, 1860. 
 
 I think Mrs. Bailey will not keep the "Era "a 
 great while. It is hoped that she will presently be 
 able to sell it advantageously, as the care upon her 
 is altogether too much. I don t think I shall write 
 much more for it. At present I write more for the 
 " Cougregationalist " than for the "Era." They 
 have a Cunctare letter from me every week, beside 
 occasional pieces. 
 
 As to H. W. Beecher, I don t think he is a noto 
 riety seeker. He has faults. He often offends my 
 taste. He is not always reliable. He is full of 
 crotchets, but I think him an earnest, hearty Chris 
 tian, one that is doing a work that nobody but him 
 can do. He seems to me to be reaching hearts that 
 no one else can reach, and I think if some of our 
 D.D. s would let him alone and look to their own 
 flocks and herds they would be better off themselves 
 and do more good in the world. As to his creed, you 
 know Congregationalists have no church, but churches.
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 259 
 
 Each one is a separate body and has its own covenant 
 and believes what commends itself to its own judg 
 ment. I presume the fundamental doctrines of 
 Congregational churches generally receive Beccher s 
 support. I read some views in a late sermon of his 
 upon Christ s personality, which I, for one, don t 
 accept. They don t accord with my opinions, but 
 they don t alter my opinion of Beecher. 
 
 Mr. Derby is of the firm of Derby & Jackson, 
 New York book publishers, and they published 
 " Beulah," " Future Life," etc. Mr. Wood gave him 
 a letter of introduction last summer, and we have 
 kept up a correspondence ever since, though we have 
 never met. He says he is coming to "Washington 
 this winter, though I assured him he should not see 
 me if he did. He sends me new books occasionally, 
 which they publish. The last was " Prenticeana," 
 being a collection of Prentice, of the "Louisville 
 Journal s" witticisms. 
 
 I have attended Congress every day since it assem 
 bled, in the hope of seeing the Speaker elected, but 
 have not yet seen it. I wanted to witness that cere 
 mony once in my life, particularly after so fierce a 
 conflict as the present one. I do not apprehend any 
 danger from armed resistance, as you know the dogs 
 that bark- the loudest do not always, nor even gener 
 ally, bite the hardest. I am going out presently to 
 make one or two New Year s calls. We do not keep 
 " open house," as the family are in mourning. Nor 
 did we have a merry-making at Christmas. I had 
 one or two gifts. I do not go out much and we do 
 not have our last winter s Saturday night parties, but 
 I see almost as many people. I am sadly tired of the 
 Congress speeches. The Democrats have it all or
 
 260 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 chiefly to themselves, so I now take a book and when 
 a man talks in a " long-winded" way I read, but as 
 soon as they begin to fight, I wake up and see what 
 the matter is. I have taken to writing, also, for the 
 " Student and Schoolmate," a children s (monthly) 
 magazine, printed in Boston. With my best wishes 
 for the New Year and for all coming years in this 
 and every world, I am very affectionately, 
 
 Your sister, 
 
 Mr. Lovejoy came just as I was finishing my letter 
 to you. I was going out to make a few calls. It 
 isn t customary for ladies to call here on New Year s 
 day, as they generally stay at home to receive visitors, 
 but people who don t keep house go if they like 
 like me. So I took Mr. L. over to a Mrs. Cox, who 
 had sent for me. We were offered egg-nog, Roman 
 punch, etc., but I didn t take any. Then we went to 
 call on the Bulliutons, Dawes, and Gooches, Members 
 from Massachusetts, who are keeping house together, 
 and had a regular " jolly time." They had found out 
 in some way that I was Gail Hamilton, and so you see 
 I was lionized. Then we went to Dr. Parker s. He 
 used to be our Commissioner to China there we were 
 offered wine, but declined, then we went home and 
 some gentlemen called, and as Mrs. Bailey was 
 ill, and besides did not " receive," I entertained them 
 and sent them off, and that is the end of my story, 
 but you see I have accomplished a good deal to-day, 
 one way and another. 
 
 JANUARY 23. 
 
 In the evening I went to a party at Dr. Parker s, 
 met several pleasant people there, astonished an old
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 261 
 
 Whig Roman Catholic citizen with my radicalism, so 
 that he was moved to introduce his daughter to me, as 
 he thought we should suit each other, being both so 
 lively. His daughter proved to be a very pretty girl, 
 but not irreproachable in point of grammar. For that 
 matter, neither was her father. Fell in also with a 
 Cincinnati gentleman connected with one of the news 
 papers, who talked about Gail Hamilton, also a young 
 graduate of Yale who knew several of my boys there 
 also De Naise, and several other people whom I 
 knew enjoyed it on the whole very much. In the 
 evening Judge and Mrs. McLean were here. He is 
 the Supreme Court, you must understand, and be im 
 pressed thereby. I did not write the notice of Stan- 
 King s book Mrs. Bailey wrote it. Found your 
 letter highly amusing. I have never heard anything 
 about E s being engaged. Dare say it s true, girls 
 generally are. I ve just had a letter from Mr. Rich 
 ardson. Says my " letters are entirely satisfactory 
 hears many speak of them with lively interest likes 
 my first-page articles, they are just what he has been 
 trying to get from me for this long time." There! 
 I wish you would leave the coming and advert to the 
 come generation in the way of embroidery. I have 
 been at work at my flannel petticoat all winter and 
 haven t finished the second breadth yet. 
 
 JANUARY 30. 
 
 I must write you in a great hurry, for till the House 
 is organized I am a good deal squeezed for time, and 
 you must not expect what Mr. Dexter calls " the 
 merry and beautiful grotesqueness of my playful style," 
 but only the barest details. People bore me dreadfully. 
 I d like to see nobodv from week s end to week s end.
 
 262 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 In the evening Mr. Mitchell came to invite me to go 
 to church with him, but as I have declined going wilh 
 Mr. Wood, of course I could not go with him. So I 
 sent down word to him that I went to church in the 
 morning to hear other people s theology, but stayed at 
 home in the evening to construct a system of my own. 
 Mr. Dexter wrote me a long letter the other day about 
 my writing, etc. Thinks I ought not to stay in Wash 
 ington longer than I can help tisn t the place for 
 me. Ought to study more, and prepare myself for my 
 life-work that a N.E. village is a far better place 
 for me, etc. What do you think about it? 
 
 FEBRUARY 4. 
 
 Wednesday at the House. La ! I saw everybody 
 and talked with em and laughed what s the use of 
 specifying. The Speaker was elected and I came 
 home and was homesick, pitied the poor fellow so, the 
 other fellows acted like cats and dogs and there was 
 a great uproar. Dr. Lindsley was in in the evening 
 and said they d do better by and by. Thursday Miss 
 Swan called to see me. Cold as Greenland. Seemed 
 as if I should freeze, fire low in the furnace, and cross 
 as two sticks. 1 was, that is. Friday ditto, but Mr. 
 Wood wanted me to make calls and the calls had to 
 be made, so I dressed, put on an engaging look, and 
 went out. First to Governor Seward s, but their re 
 ception was in the evening, thought it was in the morn 
 ing, then at Maine Washburn s, Boston Elliot s, and 
 Syracuse Elliot s all out Mrs. Bridges , out. Mrs. 
 Senator Wilson s in a little, pleasant, nice, rather 
 pretty woman very glad to meet me, had known 
 me long through the " Era " blushed and grinned, 
 and vamosed. Mrs. Burlingame out Mrs. Alley in
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 263 
 
 liked her very much, pretty, beautiful eyes, knows 
 Grace Greenwood. All the Daweses and Buffiutons 
 were at home. On the way Mr. Wood told me that 
 he had met a gentleman a while ago who asked him if 
 that young lady with him was Mary Dodge, of Hamil 
 ton said that he was from Hamilton himself, had 
 married a Dodge and had in his possession some kind 
 of a commission of some old Robert Dodge, taken 
 some time before the flood, I don t know when, and he 
 wanted Mr. Wood to introduce him to me. It turned 
 out to be Ben : Perley Poo re. Before we got home 
 we met him, so Mr. W. introduced him then and we 
 had a jocose chat. If I had time I d tell you what we 
 said but dear me by and by when I have time I 
 suppose I shan t have anything to write, but now I m 
 running over. To-d^y I locked myself in and wrote 
 all day. When people came thundering at the door I 
 said nothing, and escaped all callers ; they thought I 
 was out, you know shan t tell anybody mean to 
 do it again. Went out to walk after dinner. Met 
 Mr. Wood, who joined me. He s always meeting me, 
 and joining me. Left me at the corner. Mr. Good- 
 loe met me right after and turned round and went 
 home with me. Wants to take a long walk with me. 
 Told him he couldn t go far enough nor fast enough, 
 but lie might try it when the weather became pleasant 
 hope he ll forget it by that time. Got home, found 
 Mr. Washburn had left a special invitation for me to 
 come to his house to a soiree this evening, wasn t well 
 enough to go. Mr. Mussey came afterwards to ask 
 me to go with him. Declined, of course. Stayed up 
 stairs and wrote all the evening. Tell M. by all means 
 to call the baby Meriel. I think it s a beautiful name. 
 Why didn t she ever tell me of it when I ve agonized
 
 264 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 for names to my thousand and one children. T must 
 put it into a story directly. It s odd without being 
 stuck-up or sentimental. I don t like the Lapham so 
 well Meriel Stanwood would be beautiful. 
 
 FEBRUARY 1 1 . 
 
 In the evening I went to the Smithsonian to hear 
 Mr. Gould lecture nephew of Hannah F. Gould 
 (the " Old Elm of Newbury " woman). Mr. Love joy 
 came to see me. Went into the parlor and found Mr. 
 Sumner and Mr. Goodloe there also. It s the first 
 time I have met Mr. S. I rather like him. He has 
 a very deep bass voice, and somehow he seemed to me 
 to be a man of integrit}*. Mr. Dexter thinks he s about 
 the purest man in Congress. 
 
 I went to Miss Miner s to hear her colored girls re 
 cite History, Philosophy read, spell, and sing, which 
 they did very well, especially the reading and sing 
 ing. Mr. Wood and I went to the Senate to hear 
 Mr. Hale speak, and were successful, that is, he did 
 speak. We stayed from twelve to half-past four. 
 Lizzy Hale and Mrs. Hale were sitting near us. 
 When I went out I told Mrs. Hale that as I could not 
 go down to shake hands with Mr. Hale by way of con 
 gratulation, I would with her instead. When we got 
 to the door, however, Mr. Toombs, of Georgia, began 
 to grow furious in replying to Mr. Hale, and we sat 
 down again. Mr. Welling came up presently and 
 commenced a talk. He thinks Mr. Toombs a power 
 ful man, intellectually as well as bodily. The notice 
 of Webster s Dictionary in the last " Era " was mine. 
 Mr. Love joy came to see me pretty soon after dinner 
 and stayed ever so long, brought a new gold-headed 
 cane that he had just received from an old anti-
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 265 
 
 slavery friend in New York. After he had gone, Mr. 
 Hale came, and I congratulated him on his speech. 
 Friday evening I was at Mr. Seward s with Mr. Wood 
 want to know what I wore? New green silk, low 
 neck, short sleeves, lace cape with silk illusion puffs, 
 and bows of narrow white ribbon all over it, and lap 
 pets in front, white kid gloves, lace things on my 
 wrists, scarlet velvet bows with ends, a gold bracelet 
 on each arm, a gold chain and anchor round my neck, 
 and a bunch of flowers in my bosom. Mrs. Seward 
 is an invalid, and Mrs. Frederick Seward, the son s 
 wife, does the honors. Had a very pleasant time. 
 Mr. Wood said that he thought Mr. Seward received 
 me with distinguished favor what the French call 
 emprrssement. I thought him very affable, but I sup 
 posed he was just the same to them all. It is possible 
 that Mr. Seward may know or remember that I wrote 
 that Brady piece which resulted in Lady Napier s call 
 ing here. Introduced me to Hon. Henry Winter 
 Davis, of Maryland, who, you know, is making quite 
 a stir now, and to Charles Francis Adams, with whom 
 I had a long conversation. I have been wanting to 
 know him a long time. I met Mr. Preston King, too, 
 Mrs. Gurley, Judge Trumbull, and Mrs. Trumbull, 
 and others. Mr. Baumgras wants to take a pencil 
 sketch of my face. He s an artist. Mr. Clepham 
 has sent me a ticket to the Arts Union, and I suppose 
 I shall go down there pretty soon, 
 lu a " hurly-burly " as usual. 
 
 Affectionately yours, 
 
 ABBY.
 
 266 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 FEBRUARY 27. 
 
 About coming home I have not decided yet I 
 can t form any plans for the future until Mrs. Bailey 
 knows a little more what she is going to do. I mean 
 that I hardly like to come away and leave her in her 
 present condition, and she can t very well do anything 
 until the House Printer is elected. Whether she is 
 benefited thereby or not, she will then probably take 
 some decided step. She will give up the paper if 
 possible. She may leave the city, though I hardly 
 think she will. Understand I am not staying be 
 cause I have any intention of remaining with her in 
 any event, but because I simply don t wish to add 
 another element of unrest to her already disquieted 
 condition. We are on the lookout for an election 
 every day, and have been ever since the election of 
 speaker. As for my writing " harshly " to the " Cong. 
 people, why, Mr. Dexter says he likes me when I m 
 wrathy. I told him the other day that he was the 
 splendidest okl fogy that ever was, only he had 
 no sense. I scolded him terribly about one of his 
 editorials, and he said it was every word true, and if 
 he d only had me sooner, what a man he d have 
 made ! and that he had several rods in pickle for me. 
 And you see, mother, I didn t tell them they were 
 blockheads only b-k-h-ds, and if they chose to fill 
 in the missing letters, why it s no fault of mine. As 
 for taking Mrs. Bailey s daughter home, I can only 
 say that after long and serious deliberation, I have 
 concluded that one daughter is enough for me to take 
 care of, and that is the youngest daughter of Mr. 
 James B. Dodge. 
 
 I haven t written for the "Era" because I haven t 
 had time and because it isn t good pay ! By the
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 2fi7 
 
 way, my piece is out or a part of it in the March 
 "Atlantic." I will send it to you and you may see 
 if you can tell which it is. It s a story. I expect I 
 shall have some money some time or other, but for 
 the present I seem to have pretty nearly touched 
 bottom. 
 
 In the evening at the President s. I was introduced 
 to a famous old man a Mr. Jacob Barker an im 
 mensely rich old Quaker who lives in New Orleans. 
 I ve seen plenty of stories about him in the news 
 papers. He was mightily smitten with me you see 
 I laid myself out to amuse him, not because he was 
 rich, but because he was such a jolly old fellow he s 
 a cousin, I believe, of Dr. Franklin s and looks very 
 much like him. He told Mr. Wood he thought I 
 must make the young men s heart-strings thrill a little, 
 and Mr. W. told him he guessed it didn t make much 
 difference whether they were young or old ! Wednes 
 day, the grand day, was a tremendously rainy one. 
 We went down to Mr. Wood s rooms about 11.30 
 A.M. to sec the procession and waited till 4 P.M. 
 Mrs. Gale was there and Mr. Wood s brother and 
 part of his family. Dr. Hall s rooms are below 
 Mr. Wood s, and there is a balcony in front where we 
 stayed a part of the time breaking in on Dr. Hall s 
 bachelor solitude most uproar (i)ously I didn t care 
 though I told Dr. Hall it was a grand place to see 
 processions and I should come again. He said if my 
 President should be elected he would tear his balcony 
 down. Dr. Hall showed me his curious old books 
 and his pictures. 
 
 Introduced to Senator Foote of Vermont, a splendid- 
 looking old man that I ve been wanting to know this 
 long while he said he d known my face a long time
 
 268 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 then Mr. Harrington and Gov. Bingham, now 
 Senator from Michigan, attacked me simultaneously. 
 Then Mrs. Seward brought up a Miss Walton, of New 
 York, and Gov. Bingham, Mrs. Gov. Grimes of Iowa. 
 Then Mr. Preston King, Senator from New York, 
 came up. I told Mr. Seward that I wished there was 
 nobody there but me, and that I was Queen of Eng 
 land, so that he should sit down and tell all about his 
 travels, and he said he would some time, making 
 believe I ivas Queen of England. Saturday Mr. 
 Welling came to see me just after dinner and stayed 
 till half-past eight P.M. We talked of everything in 
 earth and heaven. I had a letter from Mrs. Spalding 
 this morning, asking me to write " some more " in the 
 "Era," and enclosing a very high encomium of my 
 last winter s pieces from Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher, 
 author of "Brazil and the Brazilians." She says: 
 " What pointcdness, what nai veness, what clear pene 
 tration and sound judgment she shows in her well- 
 chosen and well-fitting words. It is not every day 
 one can listen to such a conversation as that of Gail 
 Hamilton. I wish I were in the way of seeing her. 
 Mr. Fletcher has shared my enjoyment fully. He 
 has pronounced the papers charming, healthy, mag- 
 netical, and Christian. " Mr. Dexter wrote to me 
 that in looking over the table of contents of the 
 March "Atlantic," he said to himself, "There, I 
 don t believe but that Gail Hamilton wrote that story," 
 so he cut the leaves and read it, and then he said, 
 "Well, if she didn t write it, she might have written 
 it, and on the whole, I think she did." It was my 
 story. Don t talk about it. I suppose people will 
 find it out, but don t you proclaim it.
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 269 
 
 MARCH 5. 
 
 A Mr. AVaruer had been told that if he could get 
 introduced to Miss Dodge, he would find her an 
 acquisition. He s going to Hartford next week to 
 help edit "The Press" with Mr. Hawley. 
 
 You see Ford is elected Printer, but there are so 
 many combinations and corruptions that I don t 
 believe Mrs. Bailey will get anything to speak of. 
 Mr. Gallagher left on Saturday. He gave me a 
 lecture of his which he said he always took with him 
 when he left home to give to the new acquaintance 
 that should strike him most. He gave it to me. 
 
 Mr. Wood was sitting in Dr. Gale s office and heard 
 Mr. Morse (Professor Morse), the telegraph man, 
 reading my " Atlantic " story aloud to the female 
 Gales, and saying that he should like to see that 
 young lady. Well, two or three days after, as 1 was 
 coming home from my walk, I saw Mr. Wood stand 
 ing out by Dr. Gale s door talking with a gentleman. 
 I expected he would see me and poke along after me, 
 as he always does. So I didn t see him. I marched 
 along on the other side of the street, when I heard him 
 calling: "Mary! Mary Dodge !" But I didn t hear 
 him. The good soul was not to be wheedled in that 
 way, though, so he came striding across the street 
 after me, and said he wanted to introduce me to a 
 friend. I scolded and stormed, but the friend, who 
 was the veritable Prof. Morse, was already half 
 across the street, so I choked off my mad, looked as 
 " smiling as a summer morn," went up to him and 
 said: "Mr. Morse, I can t bear to be introduced to 
 people, so I am going to introduce myself." Then 
 we had quite a long talk and I liked him very much, 
 and he complimented me, and I complimented him,
 
 270 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and it was ueck-and-neck which could lay it on 
 thickest. 
 
 I took my copy of Miss Beechcr s work round to 
 Mrs. Judge McLean for her to read. Mr. Lovejoy 
 sent me up the first draft of a speech to look over, 
 which I did. aud read it to Mrs. Pike and Mrs. 
 Bailey, and told him it was very good, but a little too 
 much spread-eagle, but he said he was going to fight 
 humbug with humbug. In the evening Gov. and 
 Mrs. Bingham called. I excused myself, and came 
 off. After I was gone Mrs. Bingham asked Mrs. 
 Bailey, " She is not an American girl, is she? " She 
 thought T must be English, I had so much color ! I 
 guess she meant Irish, only feared it would not be 
 polite. We played whist at Mrs. Cox s. We had 
 cake and wine to refresh ourselves with. The wine 
 had not been uncorked for fifty years. I only tasted 
 it just for the name of it, you know. Mr. Derby 
 does not know that he shall be able to come to Wash 
 ington, so I have not seen him. They are going to 
 publish a book " Women of the North Distinguished 
 in Literature," and he wants to put me in. He ll 
 catch it if he does. I am going to write him a letter 
 on that subject. 
 
 MARCH 12. 
 
 You wrote me a nice long, and withal very amusing, 
 letter, dated January 20. I ve read it over this 
 morning with as much interest as on the morning I 
 received it, but if you recollect that you gave me 
 therein a downright scolding, you will understand the 
 reason why I have not answered it before. No such 
 thing I was amused, though, inasmuch as while you 
 were taking us writers to task for using foreign words, 
 you used one yourself wondering why the literati
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 271 
 
 couldn t stop doing it, etc. There, now ! I commend 
 the chalice to your own lips. 
 
 My dear, you needn t sigh over my privileges. I 
 am just as eager to get home as you could be to get 
 here and a great deal more so than you are. I 
 like here. I m glad I came, but I don t want to live 
 here, and unless I am going to live here, it s high 
 time I was away. There is a kind of fascination in 
 society. When I get agoing, I like to go it ! I ve 
 really had some thoughts of giving myself up to it in 
 earnest, and seeing what I could do. You may think 
 me very foolish, and I am quite aware that I have not 
 beauty or money, yet without them, and without giv 
 ing much thought to it, I can make a little stir, and if 
 I should give my mind to it I think I could do some 
 thing. Still I don t suppose it would be spending 
 life to the best advantage, so, on the whole, I think 
 I shall go to New England if my life is spared to get 
 there. I shall leave pleasant friends and pleasant 
 memories here. 
 
 I did see the Speaker elected, but it wasn t much of 
 a see after all. He wasn t the one I wanted, and in 
 my opinion he isn t a good Speaker. I m a little dis 
 gusted with politics, too, and politicians. At a party 
 a while ago I said to Mr. Adams (Charles Francis), 
 with whom I was talking, I shouldn t think you d 
 want to talk politics out of the House." " Oh ! " he 
 said, " I d just as soon talk out of the House as in it." 
 He is a quiet, well-bred Boston gentleman, and a 
 great contrast to many of the " rowdies " in Congress. 
 I told him once I thought it was a great piece of con 
 descension in him to come to Congress. He is short, 
 not much, if any, taller than I am, with gray hair, and 
 bald, and looks so much like his father that I recog-
 
 272 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 nized him iu the House by his resemblance to the 
 portraits of his father, whom I never saw. He told 
 me also that the Clerk of the House recognized him by 
 his resemblance to the picture of his grandfather. I 
 have met him several times, and like him very much. 
 Another celebrity whom I have met is Mr. Seward. 
 I saw him last winter, but was not introduced. I have 
 met him several times this winter. I saw him the 
 longest one evening at a reception at Mr. Washburne s 
 (of Maine). I noticed him when he came in. He 
 saluted the hosts and then bowed right and left to the 
 people around, but the moment he saw me he came 
 straight towards me, took me into a corner, and we 
 sat and talked a long while. He was in high spirits. 
 He called Mrs. Pike (wife of one of the editors of the 
 "Tribune," the one who writes the J. S. P. letters, 
 they are staying with us now) , and she sat on the 
 other side of him, and Mr. Lovejoy came and sat in 
 front, and so we had a little circle of our own. It 
 was a few days after he had made his great speech. 
 I told him I was going to flatter him a little if it was 
 proper. He said that flattery never hurt him, for he 
 had so much of the other kind that it counteracted 
 the effects. I told him also the parts of the speech 
 that I did not like about negro equality. He said 
 that was the part Mrs. Seward objected to, but he had 
 found by long experience that the way to elevate the 
 negro was to elevate the white man. He told us about 
 his trip abroad. Mr. Foote, Senator from Vermont, 
 is a fine-looking, venerable man, with gray hair and a 
 piercing black eye. He says he has known my face a 
 long time. The first time I went to call on Mrs. 
 McLean she was very glad to see me, for she said Mr. 
 Foote, who boards at their house, had brought home
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 273 
 
 such a glowing account of me that she really wanted 
 to make my acquaintance. Augusta says she never 
 saw anybody toot his own horn as I do that I tell 
 off puffs as coolly as if they were about somebody 
 else and not myself, but I do it because I know if you 
 were here, and T were there, I should want you to do 
 just the same. I don t to anybody else except }~ou 
 and the family letters, only as I write the latter every 
 week, of course they have more of it than you, who 
 only get what happens at the moment to be uppermost 
 in my mind. It s good fun, though. I like to get in 
 a corner and have half a dozen round me and feel a 
 little excited, and make em all laugh, and see the 
 women look and wonder what is going on. I tell you, 
 if I should give my mind to it, wouldn t I do a thing 
 or two? Nevertheless I get horribly bored. We have 
 so much company evenings. I long for quiet. At a 
 party, when you get tired of one you can go to an 
 other, but at home you must entertain people as long 
 as they choose to stay, and the more entertaining you 
 are, you know, the longer they choose to stay. How 
 ever, it s all very well, and after I am gone home I 
 dare say I shall look back with regret sometimes upon 
 the very things that tire me now. You needn t sup 
 pose, however, that I am going to vegetate in Hamil 
 ton ; not a bit of it. The " Congregationalist " want 
 me to help them ; they will give me a salary of from 
 $400 to $600 per annum for work that Mr. Dexter 
 thinks will take only about a day or a day and a half 
 a week. I should go to Boston twice a week. I told 
 him I wouldn t make any engagement about it, but I 
 would see when I got home. I think I should like it. 
 I like Tiim, so we shouldn t probably come into unpleas 
 ant collision. He wrote me also last week. I think
 
 274 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 it will give you the best view of the case to copy from 
 his letter, which I will do, leaving out unnecessary 
 episodes. He says the Tract Society were asking 
 him to write books for them, and he couldn t, because 
 he had so much to do, and they began to explain their 
 immense and peculiar need of spicy books when "I said 
 to them, If you want books of that sort I can per 
 haps direct you to a young lady who may do some 
 thing for you in that line, though her time is, and is 
 to be, very much taken up in other directions. You 
 mean Miss Gail Hamilton? Yes. Whereat I 
 was buttonholed and token into the private room, and 
 a suction hose applied to ascertain what, how far, etc., 
 I knew of the aforesaid G. H. s plans, and particu 
 larly with reference to the engrossment of her time. 
 I didn t run at all freely, but returned the compli 
 ment by applying my hose and inquiring what they 
 wanted to know for. They were reticent, whereat I 
 ventured to hint to them that, on further considera 
 tion, I doubted whether you would be able to do any 
 thing for them, that measures were in progress, that I 
 had, in fact, made you a quasi offer, and that negoti 
 ations were pending between us which would probably 
 count thf-m out. Then they took me into another 
 private room, and Alvord frankly stated that they were 
 after yon, and must have you, that he had seen Mrs. 
 Cowles and Mr. Bannister, and had interested them 
 in the great work which the T. S. was wanting to 
 have done, and which nobody on earth but you could 
 do, and they thought you would be glad to come to 
 New England and have some permanent home and 
 engagements, and he was on the point of writing to 
 yon to broach the matter, winding up by a pathetic 
 appeal to me to use my influence and let them have
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 275 
 
 you. I only pumped further. How did they want 
 you? Well, if they could get the whole of your 
 time to write books and write for the Child s Paper, 
 etc., they wouldn t probably mind giving you $1,000 
 or $1,200 per annum if you wanted it. I told them 
 that in all human probability you would not make any 
 such arrangement, that you did not need to tie your 
 self up in that way, that you could get money enough 
 by your pen without any such hampering, and, fur 
 ther, that I doubted if you would have anything to do 
 with them anyway. I did tell him, however, that if 
 anybody could do anything with you I flattered my 
 self /could, and that I did think / could prevail on 
 you to aid them some, that I thought it very possible, 
 in connection with your other work, you might be will 
 ing every month or two to write them a little book (in 
 their large type and small pages you could write a 
 book in two or three days any time) . He then begged 
 me to write you and intercede, and beg, and plead 
 with you on their behalf, and said he wouldn t write 
 to you about it till I had written and heard from you. 
 I said I would write." I wrote to Mr. Dexter that I 
 was amazed at their audacity, that I would do it for 
 $1,200 just as soon as I would for $12,000, and for 
 the Tract Soc. just as soon as I would for the Angel 
 Gabriel or Beelzebub, and no sooner, that the very 
 fact that I was willing to put my brain in pawn 
 would show that my brain wasn t worth pawning, 
 that I would write stories, and if they liked em they 
 might have em, but I didn t believe they would, and 
 that I would not write to suit them, and I would not 
 make any engagement, and if I did I would break it 
 the first thing. 
 
 So the case stands. Jt would be murder the idea
 
 276 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 of my selling myself body and soul to write children s 
 stories ! I d rather have less money and be able to call 
 my soul my own. I haven t said a word of this to any 
 body but you. I m afraid if father knew I had refused 
 a salary of $1,200, he would go crazy, so be sure you 
 don t lisp a syllable of it in your letters. I shouldn t 
 tell you only you are so far off. I shall tell mother 
 and Augusta when I go home. For that matter, if I 
 live, it will probably be a great deal better, even in a 
 pecuniary point of view, that I should not make such 
 an engagement, but, good or bad, I won t make it. 
 It will probably not be decided what I shall do till I 
 go home. I mean about the " Congregationalist " and 
 all. I will tell you when it is. I am thinking now of 
 starting for home on the first of April, but I may not 
 so soon. I intend to be about three weeks on the 
 way. 
 
 Did you see anything in the March "Atlantic" that 
 sounded like me? I am generally reputed to have 
 written " The Pursuit of Knowledge under Uillicul- 
 ties." I m not married and I don t think I shall be. 
 I can t afford the time, and besides, the men ought to 
 be given to the women who can t get along without 
 em. I can support myself, and so I think I d better 
 do it. Besides, I have a greater "run" among the 
 men themselves than if I were married. Now I am 
 independent and every man is my " humble servant." 
 If I were married I should be dependent upon the 
 caprices of one. An unmarried woman has an im 
 mense advantage over the married woman. You 
 think I " may have seen women on New Year s day, 
 but I make no mention of them." My dear, I like 
 women. In fact, I esteem them very highly, but I 
 bag higher game when I can. Women do to fall
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 277 
 
 back upon, but for first choice, give me a brace of 
 bearded men. 
 
 I don t believe I shall come to Minnesota this sum 
 mer. First of all, I want quiet and rest more than 
 anything else. Second, there is so much to be done 
 that I don t believe I can get away conveniently. 
 Thirdly, this paper business will be new and I shall 
 want to be on hand in order to see about it. Fourth 
 ly, I don t believe I shall have money, for Mrs. Bailey 
 has not paid me a cent since I have been here and I 
 don t believe she will or is able, so I have had to take 
 my C money. I am afraid I shall have to stay at 
 home and write one or two books before I do much of 
 anything. I should like to go very much, both to see 
 you and the country and for the journey s sake. 
 
 MARCH 19. 
 
 Monday evening went to hear a Catholic Bishop 
 Spalding of Ohio lecture. Tuesday Mr. Lovejoy was 
 in in the evening. Mr. Pike was out, did not come 
 home till twelve o clock. Mrs. P., Marcel, and I sat 
 up for him ; when we heard him at the door we all 
 went to help him in, pretending he was drunk, and 
 " took him by his hind legs, took him by his fore-legs, 
 took him by all his legs, and dragged him upstairs." 
 A letter from Mr. Richardson, sending some pictures 
 for a story for the " S. & S.," says, "A good many 
 people inquire nowadays who Gail H. is, and they 
 will have it that she is a man, or at least that she s for 
 women s rights." In the evening three men fell to my 
 share. Mrs. P. said that she told Mr. P. how I set 
 myself down before those three men like a Christian 
 and a martyr and entertained them. I told her I 
 didn t entertain them much. I just let them talk.
 
 278 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 "Ah," said she, "but you had magnetism enough to 
 set them agoing, and you did talk a good deal your 
 self, too." I happened to feel in the mood, though, so 
 we got on very well. It s a great deal easier to man 
 age three men than it is one. You can make them 
 play into each other s hands somehow. It is the 
 single t6te-a-tetes that kill me. A letter from Mr. 
 Richardson, with my " quarter s salary," saying that 
 he did not like my letter on Church-going, and must 
 look out for me more sharply hereafter. I wrote buck 
 to him that it would annoy me very much to have 
 everybody agree with what I wrote, because that 
 would show that there was no need of my writing, 
 etc. I can t write definitely about my arrangements 
 yet. I want to stop in Philadelphia, and I want, if 
 possible, to be in Hartford at the examination of the 
 High School. You are not to suppose that I am pro 
 posing to stay at home during the remainder of my 
 natural life. In such a case, I think I should hardly 
 be contented even till the new was worn off. Still I 
 cannot help looking with curious eyes from the me 
 tropolis to that State of rural simplicity. 
 
 Saturday evening I went with the Pikes to Mr. 
 Washburne s. Had a nice, funny time. I ll tell you 
 whom I talked with Gov. and Mrs. Bingham, Mr. 
 Josiah Quincy, Jr., of Boston, and daughter, Mrs. 
 John Potter, of Wisconsin, Mr. Hatch and daughter of 
 I don t know where, Mrs. Charles Francis Adams and 
 Mr. Lovejoy, Mrs. Bridge and Miss Miner, Mr. 
 Elliott and daughter, the first very agreeable, the 
 second very pretty, Mr. and Mrs. Sedgwick, Mr. and 
 Mrs. Washburne, Mr. Johnson, of Washington, and 
 his adopted mother, and Miss Donaldson, his aunt, 
 Mr. Baumgras, Mr. and Mrs. Dawes, Mr., Mrs., and
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 279 
 
 Miss Hale, Mr. Harrington, Mr. Allen, Mr. and Mrs. 
 Doolittle, and Mr. Grow. I don t recollect any others 
 at this minute. I tell you I could " cut a dash " if I 
 should set out ! Sometimes I think I will. Most 
 women are so stolid. They stand still and expect to 
 be entertained. I circulate and talk wild and make 
 em laugh and am natural and so people get round me. 
 I told Mrs. Adams I had been wanting to be intro 
 duced to her a long while. She said she had seen me 
 several times before, but there was always such a 
 crowd round me and I was so busy talking that she 
 had not come up to be introduced. Of course it was 
 mere politeness that made her speak of being intro 
 duced to me. It was I that wanted to be iniroduced 
 to her. " So no more at present." 
 
 From yours very truly, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 WASHINGTON, D.C., March 31, I860. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I think if you should come into 
 my room at this present writing you would go crazy, 
 in a small way. I suppose there are on a moderate 
 calculation a hundred thousand things scattered around 
 the room. The table on which I am writing is so full 
 that I despaired of clearing a place large enough to 
 write, so I just set my atlas down right on the top of 
 the things. Every chair is filled. My drawers have 
 been broad open these two days, and everything is 
 heaped up in hills in them. The bed is covered. The 
 tables are covered. The floor is covered. The closet 
 bulges. How these things are to be got together, I 
 cannot imagine. 
 
 Your letters and the note came this morning. I 
 can t stop to answer them now, particularly as there
 
 280 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 is a good deal that I want to say, especially about ray 
 " Congregationalist " articles, but I reserve it till I see 
 you, but I wish you, mother, particularly to under 
 stand that I don t feel bad about the Rockville min 
 ister not in the least. It is the proof of my minis 
 try. I wish you to understand that if I write much 
 I shall probably meet with a great deal of opposition, 
 for I shall express views which run counter to popular 
 conviction, so if you faint now, you will have a cata 
 lepsy by and by when worst comes to worst. The 
 only thing I am afraid of is that Mr. 11. will be scared 
 and won t print my pieces. That won t make any 
 difference about my writing them, however. I shall 
 write and print somewhere. If one won t, another 
 will. There is an undercurrent of feeling that will 
 sustain me. I ivant to upheave and overturn. Land 
 needs to be sub-soiled, as well as top-dressed. " The 
 time is out of joint, O cursed spite, That ever I was 
 born to set it right," says Hamlet, but I don t say so. 
 It s just what 1 should like to be born for, and I hope 
 I was. 
 
 I don t think I can write to Mr. Bartlett. I haven t 
 spunk enough to write a good letter and I don t want 
 to write a poor one and I write so much that I 
 loathe writing. Mr. Dexter told me the other day 
 wrote to me that he heard the Boston Tract Society 
 make a remark about me that a gentleman from the 
 rural district of N.H. said, " That air Dodge gal was 
 a whole team, a hoss to let, and a dog under the 
 wagon." That s all I know about it. 
 
 My plan now is to leave here to-morrow morning at 
 6.20 stop at Philadelphia ("1022 Wistar Street. 
 Beat that into your brains before you start," says Mr. 
 Lippincott) , then to New York, and Mr. Derby is to
 
 LITERARY PROGRESS 281 
 
 meet me at Jersey City, where he expects " a little 
 angel [that s me!] to rush directly into his arms," 
 says Mr. Derby and he is to take me up the Hudson, 
 a half-hour or an hour s ride, to his home at Yonkers 
 then to Meriden, Conn., where I intend to arrive 
 before Sunday, and where I will write to you again. 
 This must do for this time. 
 
 Affectionately, 
 
 M. A. D.
 
 VII 
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 
 
 1860-1868
 
 VII 
 
 BUSY YP:ARS IN HAMILTON 
 
 1860-1868 
 
 MAY 28, 1860. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : I have been looking out all 
 along for news of the steamer " Prince Albert." Two 
 days ago lo ! I saw that the " Prince Albert " took fire 
 three days from Galway. I really am afraid you re a 
 kind of Jonah. That s the third time, since I knew 
 you, that you ve been in danger of being burnt out, 
 or rather of being burnt in, which is worse still. 
 
 I ll try to give you a succinct account of my life 
 and sufferings since your departure. I shall confine 
 myself chiefly to my own biography, because I am the 
 only person in whom you are interested of whom I 
 can give you any information. I don t think I have 
 heard from the Baileys since you went away, nor have 
 I seen Mrs. Baldwin. I have been too busy to do 
 anything but what was necessary in the way of visit 
 ing. The day I left you you to look at the Old 
 World I to work in the New I walked over from 
 Salem to Beverly after a vain attempt to obtain a copy 
 of the " N.Y. Tribune," visited my brother, and 
 went with them in the evening to the silver wedding 
 of Rev. Mr. Abbott, which went off as I suppose 
 very much like other silver weddings, a great crowd, 
 285
 
 286 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 nice cake, a quantity of gold and silver in the shape 
 of coins, watches, spoons, forks, pitchers, a man and 
 woman very smiling and happy and embarrassed, and 
 extremely happy when it was over, I don t doubt ; but 
 it all went off well, and was a success the only 
 thing of the kind I ever attended. 
 
 My time, a great part of it, has been spent in any 
 thing but literary occupations. Do you remember the 
 hideous gravel-bank in front and round our house ? 
 Well, I walked ten miles a few weeks ago to get a 
 man to come and symmetrize it and turf it, and he 
 came, but it was rather late and very dry. For four 
 weeks and six days we had no rain, and I used to 
 water the whole of that overgrown bank almost every 
 day, and sometimes twice a day, drawing the water 
 myself from the well, and carrying it up and pouring 
 it into the watering-pot, and then pouring it on. I as 
 sure you it was no laughing matter, but it is a laughing 
 matter now, for I just managed to keep the breath of 
 life in the roots till the rain came, and now it is doing 
 finely, only I suppose by the time you come home it 
 will be all " sere and yellow," so that you will fail to 
 see its glory though after Italian skies, and Swiss 
 mountains, and Irish turf, our bank will, I fear, be a 
 very little, insignificant affair. Never mind, it keeps 
 our cellar warm in winter and cool in summer, and 
 that s what " Alps on Alps " won t do. I took my 
 revenge on the bank for giving me so much trouble 
 by putting it into print. After I had attended to the 
 bank, the house had to be papered. I went to Dan- 
 vers and found a man, then came home and turned 
 everything topsy-turvy to get ready for him. He tor 
 mented us for a fortnight with paint and paste, and 
 then left us in a turmoil that we have not quite got
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 287 
 
 out of yet. I have ripped up the old carpet in my 
 room and put down another which is supposed to rep 
 resent strawberries, though the ground is red, and the 
 strawberries dust-color, which seems to be out of the 
 natur.-il order of things, a mistake of the artist s, I 
 suppose. I have curtains red patch, lined with 
 buff cambric, also white curtains with red tassels 
 under the former, also green blinds, so I may be con 
 sidered as shut in from the world. I have also a 
 lounge, green, a favorite color of mine, and grateful 
 to the eye, but also, alas, yellow, which is not a 
 favorite color, but on my lounge occupies the same 
 relation to the green that Pharaoh s lean kine did to the 
 fatkine. My lounge is hideous and comfortable. As 
 soon as I shall have earned :i little superfluous money 
 I shall have it covered with dark green moreen. 
 Meanwhile I call it " oranges," and defend it against 
 all comers. Then I have my table, writing-desk, 
 bureau, bookcase and books, stove, etc., and in my 
 bedroom I have constructed a very nice wash-hand 
 stand, sink, etc., out of an old dressing-table and a 
 few old nightgowns, very honorable to my taste and 
 ingenuity, I assure you though your ideas of luxury 
 might smile at it, and I have a new white quilt on my 
 bed, and altogether I am very comfortable. I get up 
 in the morning between five and six, write or work 
 till eight, then breakfast, P.O. letters, papers, etc., 
 out-doors, walking, rambling, etc., as long as I like, 
 then come in and do what I like till dinner at five 
 then do what I like again till nine, when I go to bed. 
 It s a charming life to me, who have been so confined 
 to hours. The way I ve arranged about the meals is 
 best for my appetite and health. Father and mother 
 have their dinner at twelve, but I take my dinner with
 
 288 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 their supper. It gives me better command of my 
 time, and I think it suits my constitution better ; at 
 an) rate, I am going to try it for the present. I in 
 tended to have a garden, but they tell me that the soil 
 needs to be broken up for one or two years with corn 
 and potatoes before it will be sufficiently mellow for 
 gardening purposes, so T possess my soul in patience, 
 and have dragged three or four boxes on to the top of 
 the piazza, and planted a dozen or so different kinds 
 of seeds therein, none of which, to do them justice, 
 have as yet shown the slightest intention of coming 
 up. Also I have a bed of morning glory and cypress 
 vine which won t come up, a bed of beets, full of 
 weeds, two tomato vines, both dead, two chickens, 
 one alive and one dead five more that pecked their 
 shells open and died before they got out, and seven 
 that have taken their chance at living one calf who 
 looks at me with his great purple, beautiful eyes, and 
 makes a horrible piece of work eating the potatoes I 
 give him, and a cow that gives two great pans full 
 of milk at one milking, and cream that it takes five 
 hours to make four pounds of butter from, let alone 
 the ill-temper thrown in, which doesn t affect the 
 butter. Our apple trees, and cherry trees, and peach 
 trees, are snowy with exuberant blooming, and if the 
 worms don t come, nor anything else unfavorable, 
 you shall have cider, apple-sauce, and apple pies, and 
 cider, and turnovers, and pan-pies, and peach pre 
 serves, and cherry puddings, etc., when you come 
 back. In my cooking I know you will be interested. 
 I m doing splendidly. I ve hunted up two recipes, 
 and bought ten cents worth of yeast. Festina lente 
 but I ll give you something nice after your jour 
 ney, if your palate has not become vitiated with
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 289 
 
 (or by) foreign fare. My sister is at home this week, 
 and we are endeavoring to put the finishing touches 
 to the " spring cleaning," and our house in a state of 
 order. I have about ruined my fingers with cutting 
 obstinate carpets, and my wrists with lifting unwieldy 
 furniture, but I hope now they will all " stay put." 
 Shall I tell you some country news? The dry weather 
 was so long continued that the woods became unusu 
 ally combustible, and so went to combusting in various 
 directions, and a great deal of fine land was destroyed 
 (the wood, I mean, not the laud), which me judice is 
 a clear indication that this generation ought to burn 
 coal. 
 
 The cattle disease of Massachusetts still rages. The 
 government has called an extra session of the Legis 
 lature on next Wednesday to meet the demands of 
 the case oh, and Mr. Seward isn t nominated, I 
 suppose you have heard before now, and Mr. Lincoln 
 is. I don t feel the least enthusiasm myself, though 
 I believe mankind in general is enthused to the last 
 degree. I think Washington takes one beyond the 
 pale of political enthusiasm. One sees too many 
 impromptus cooked up there to be greatly carried 
 away by an impromptu. I m glad of one thing, that 
 Greeley, Blair & Co. didn t succeed in switching their 
 candidate on to the track. Chicago was in an exceed 
 ing state of " high-mindedness " the N.E. dele 
 gates were received with great eclat. The greatest 
 good feeling seems to prevail everywhere, always 
 excepting Lt.-Gov. Raymond and H. Greeley, who 
 are " at it again." I dare say a great many private 
 claws are scratching private faces. I could have 
 wished Seward to be nominated. Smoking or no 
 smoking, he is, it seems to me, our ablest man.
 
 290 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 They talk of " honest old Abe" (a hideous nickname) 
 and his " splitting rails and mauling Democrats," but 
 that isn t the very best recommendation a man can 
 have for such an office. However, maybe he s a 
 great man, I don t know. If he s worse than J. B. 
 he is sublime. 
 
 To come back to myself again I ve had several 
 invitations to teach since I came home, all of which I 
 have " respectfully declined." Mr. Curtis wanted 
 me to go there, and the Ipswich people wanted me to 
 go there neither of which I accepted, but like 
 "Charlotte" for imperturbability I " go on cutting 
 bread and butter." I did, however, so far relax from 
 my indifference as to accompany Mr. Curtis on his 
 travels in search of a teacher ; went to the Salem High 
 School, Normal School, etc. Then we went to Bos 
 ton, Bridge water, etc., to take a look at the " School- 
 ma ams " that s all I have had to do with schools 
 since I came home, and all I mean to have to do for 
 the present. I do not write a great deal, nor study 
 or read much, but I hope to accomplish more after we 
 "get settled." At present, I am "taking in wood 
 and water," hoping I shall be able to "get up steam " 
 a little more by and by. But I can t tell you how 
 much I enjoy the unrestraint of my present life. The 
 wild flowers are very plenty and I have half a dozen 
 glasses of them. I think mother is almost as anxious 
 to hear from you as I am. She often asks, " Isn t it 
 time for a letter from Mr. Wood ? " I hoped to hear 
 news of you by the " Persia," but in vain. Perhaps, 
 however, one has gone to the " Intelligencer," and 
 will reach me in that way. I want to know things 
 that you won t put into your printed letters, but I 
 suppose you will be so full of other things that I shall
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 291 
 
 have to wait till yon get home before knowing 
 never mind we have a new arm-chair big enough 
 for you to lounge in till you have told your whole 
 story down to its minutest details. The Lord send 
 you health, happiness, success, and a safe return to 
 home and friends, in this life, I mean (by the way, 
 " Peter Schlemihl" is installed in a place of honor in 
 the parlor). My dear friend, from my heart I wish 
 you every blessing in this and in all worlds. I am 
 sure you deserve it, if anybody does. 
 Good-night and good-by. 
 
 Gratefully and truly yours, 
 
 MARY A. D. 
 
 JUNE 28, 1860. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. W. : I received and read your last 
 with great pleasure. I shall value the little pansy 
 and its accompanying ivy very highly. It is some 
 thing to be in the very places hallowed by such asso 
 ciations, only I should want to stay long enough to 
 get into communication with the " genius loci " but 
 I suppose you want to get at something of the genius 
 home-y. I am not in the best humor in the world, 
 for I ve just had an invitation to go to a picnic at 
 "The Laurels," somewhere in the vicinity of New- 
 buryport perhaps you know it the Whitticrs arc 
 to be there. My invitation came from the Spaldings, 
 and I didn t get it in season, and had to stay at 
 home. If it had been a dinner-party I shouldn t have 
 cared, but anything outdoors I like. I have received 
 your letters and the printed one in the " Intelligencer," 
 all excellent. My sister spent a week with us a while 
 ago, which we employed chiefly in shopping and tink 
 ering. You would be amused to see the way in
 
 292 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 which niy ingenuity is showing itself off. I don t 
 think the world has any idea of my faculties in that 
 line. It credits my brain, but has small faith in my 
 hands. My brain is still employed in " stirring up" 
 people about their prayer-meetings and such things. 
 I have written a long article about Miss Miner s 
 school, which she was pleased to pronounce the best 
 account on the whole which had ever been written. 
 Congress is adjourned and Mr. Lovejoy is "spout 
 ing " his way to Massachusetts. He writes me that 
 he shall probably be here somewhere from the 10th to 
 the l")th of July. We don t often lionize people. 
 Don t have lions enough here to get our hand in, and 
 I don t quite know what we should do witli our lion. 
 I shall shine a little in his reflected glory, besides 
 being slightly self-luminous ! I went to a con 
 ference the other day, the first time in my life, and 
 was quite interested. I think such things are rather 
 pleasant. They tend to create a social feeling, a kind 
 of communion of saints. By the way, a new thing has 
 happened in the religious world at least I never 
 heard of such a one before. A Brahmin Rev. Mr. 
 Gangooly, I think his name is has been converted 
 to Unitarian Christianity and has gone back to India 
 as a propagandist of that faith. The Unitarians had 
 quite a time ordaining him. The Japanese leave 
 to-day, I believe. They must have been extensively 
 bored, and if they don t think us a race of intense 
 barbarians, they have less sagacity than I have given 
 them credit for. The " Great Eastern" has steamed 
 up New York harbor, her old Ironsides bulging with 
 an unheard-of cargo of excitement, I don t doubt. 
 New York seems to be monopolizing all the "big 
 guns." Portland, you know, made tremendous prepa-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 293 
 
 rations last summer, arid this is the way the eel 
 slipped out of her hands. Boston wanted the Japan 
 ese, but couldn t get em. It is suggested that the 
 Prince of Wales fall to us, so that we may have a 
 little glorification. I should like to see him myself. 
 Why don t you go to court? I would. I d see all 
 the crowned heads possible. For my part, I like 
 monarchies. I don t see but thut England is just as 
 free as we are. Anyway, I don t believe people would 
 stay in office there after such a rebuke as has been 
 administered to James Buchanan and Isaac Toucey 
 by the House. J. B., by the way, has just vetoed 
 the Homestead Bill, showing, as the " N. Y. Tribune" 
 says, that some men have remarkably winning ways to 
 make people hate them ! The Baltimore Convention 
 had an outrageous time and finally split in two. 
 Caleb Gushing, the president, walked off and became 
 president of the Southern part of it. Some think that 
 the two fragments will reunite before election. I 
 don t feel so enthusiastic about such things as I did 
 before I went to Washington, though I hope the 
 Republicans will beat. With success will come 
 plunder, I suppose, and demoralization rushing in 
 like a flood, and then decay and disruption. 
 
 I was in Cambridge the other day and heard Dr. 
 Kirk of Boston preach. I was so much pleased that 
 after I got home I sent him a letter, which he answered 
 in a very friendly and pleasant manner. His style is 
 conversational and his tone liberal. I had an appli 
 cation from the Society of Inquiry at Andover to 
 write an " original hymn " to be sung at their annual 
 celebration in July. The inviting note took the 
 trouble to inform me that I should thereby be walking 
 in the footsteps of Mrs. Stowe, Sigouruey, etc. With
 
 294 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 my peculiar adaptation to musical composition, and 
 my perfect " posting up " on the Society of Inquiry, 
 of which I never heard before, I concluded it would 
 be wrong to refuse, so I sent them " a hymn," but I 
 think it s a wonder if they ever hymu it. If you were 
 here to-day I would give you a dish of strawberries 
 and cream as fine as anything you ever got iu Eng 
 land, or will get in France, I dare say. We don t 
 raise them, though I mean to have a strawberry-bed 
 another year, besides other things. My brother sont 
 them, but I have a neighbor, Mr. A. W. Dodge, I 
 think I ve spoken to you about him, who has a fine 
 garden for fruits and flowers, and he being very 
 neighborly, I enter into his labors. One of my sisters 
 is coming about the first of July, my Western brother 
 and his wife on the tenth, my own sister on the nine 
 teenth, some friends from Brookliue and Hartford on 
 or about the twenty-first, to stay a week or fortnight, 
 then we shall perhaps go to Vermont for about as 
 long, and so you see the summer is planned. It is a 
 fine summer so far, not very warm, only the canker- 
 worms are destroying our trees, and the bugs our 
 squashes, and what the canker-worms and squash-bugs 
 leave the rose-bugs destroy. I never knew what a 
 precarious thing farming was till I tried. 
 
 I wish I knew your plans a little more, so that I 
 could follow them on the map and say, " Now Mr. 
 Wood is eating frogs here, now he is giving pence to 
 lazzaroni there, now he is jolting in a diligence over 
 such a road, now he is looking at a real Murillo. " 
 With all best wishes for your continued health, suc 
 cess, and a safe return, and with love from all mine to 
 you, I am, Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. D.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 295 
 
 JUNE 30, 1860. 
 
 MY DEAR MK. WOOD : I wanted a musical term the 
 other day, and I hunted for it in vain till I happened 
 to think my " Future Life " will have it, of course, so 
 I turned to " Future Life," and there it was, sure 
 enough, and I was reminded anew of your universal 
 adaptability ! I don t know whether that word comes 
 in exactly right there, but it will answer my purpose. 
 The first matter of interest centring in your obedient 
 servant is, that I have taken a S. S. class. I had 
 one, the first Sunday, four, the second, seven, the 
 third, and four, the fourth, so you see it has a change 
 able character. They are girls from thirteen to six 
 teen, and I think I shall be able to do something if I 
 can get at them long enough to get hold of them. 
 Anyway, as I am not teaching week-days, I thought 
 I rather ought to teach Sundays, if only to keep my 
 hand in. My "Fourth" was celebrated by two 
 letters from a distinguished friend of mine now 
 travelling in Europe, very interesting, and very 
 instructive, aud entertaining to the family. Scattered 
 all through the summer, like punctuation marks, you 
 must see flowers from my friends, and cherries, and 
 gooseberries, and various fruits which I hope will 
 " make your mouth water," particularly if you can t 
 get at them yourself ! 
 
 I went to Salem with my brother and sister, to the 
 museum, and revived my childish wonder at the curi 
 osities which are no less curiosities to my mature than 
 to my infant eyes. Tuesday I went to the anniver 
 sary of my Seminary was considerably entertained 
 at hearing extracts from my own graduating composi 
 tion incorporated into the essay of one of the present 
 graduates whose sister was a schoolmate of mine,
 
 296 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and who read mine aloud at my examination ; wasn t 
 it funny ? And I also met many of my old school 
 mates. That night on my return home, I was glad 
 dened by another letter from Mr. Wood. I think it s 
 very nice to have " foreign correspondents," particu 
 larly "our own." I also found my sister Augusta 
 home sooner than I expected, for a visit of six or 
 seven weeks. 
 
 I have heard of the Piatts of Hartford. They 
 visited at Mr. Gillette s, whose daughter is now visit 
 ing me. You may possibly have met them at Dr. 
 Bailey s. Mr. Gillette was in the Senate a while, and 
 they were in Washington at the time. Lilly is a very 
 fine girl, one of the simplest, and truest, and sensiblest, 
 I ever saw, thoroughly noble and capable. 
 
 We have scoured Essex County quite thoroughly, 
 taking Wenham, Topsfield, Ipswich, all the Beverlys, 
 Salem, Danvers, etc., in our way, and I must tell 
 you that we went to the house and into the very room 
 where General Putnam was born ; were shown various 
 curiosities, his autograph, a copy of the real old 
 Stamp Act, a chip from the cave that he drew the 
 wolf out of, his portrait, etc. I assure you Essex 
 County is well worth looking at ; so after you have 
 completed the tour of Europe, perhaps you may like 
 to make a "tour around my garden." Perhaps I 
 ought to mention that I ve been in the ditch twice 
 lately, and so encountered perhaps as much peril, and 
 certainly more harm, than you have in your wander 
 ings, as my terribly blackened embroidery bears sad 
 witness ; but flowers and mosses must be picked even 
 if people fall into the ditch. Lilly has put the ivy 
 and the pansy that you sent from Melrose into a 
 state of preservation, surrounding them with some
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 297 
 
 harebells that Whittier picked for me last summer, 
 and I am going to have them framed. I think they 
 will look very pretty. I can only give you the veriest 
 outline of affairs, reserving the rest, as you do, till 
 you get home, which may you in good time do, with 
 body and mind refreshed and invigorated for a new 
 lease of life ! 
 
 AUGUST 30, 1860. 
 
 MY DEAR : Not one word from you since the 
 twenty-fourth of July. Has " Mounsen " swallowed 
 you up quick ? Are you overwhelmed in the snow- 
 heaps of St. Bernard? Are you verifying your de 
 scriptions of Madame Jura and the Jungfrau? Are 
 you enamored of life in some old castle that, "like 
 an eagle s nest, hangs on the crest of purple Appe- 
 nine " ? I will suppose that you have not sundered 
 all home ties, but that one cord is left along which 
 a kindred life may still pulsate. So on Tuesday, 
 July 31, Lilly Gillette went home, and that next 
 da} my sister and her friend went away, and I was 
 left " in maiden widowhood to weep," but Mr. Derby 
 had taken pity on my loneliness and sent me a very 
 interesting new novel, " The Household of Bouverie," 
 the access of which household consoled me for the 
 departure of my own. The next day I drove over to 
 the Ponds to attend a field meeting of the Essex 
 Institute, to which I had been specially invited. It 
 roams around and collects toads, flowers, bugs, and 
 such small deer all the morning, and comes together 
 and talks about ern all the afternoon, with a little 
 flirting thrown in by way of spice. Several gentle 
 men were introduced to me, among others a Mr. 
 Upham, formerly M.C. from Salem or Danvers. He
 
 298 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 had been at Dr. Bailey s, very likely you may have 
 seen him. I walked home, it was so pleasant I 
 couldn t resist the temptation, and I wouldn t if I 
 could. Jt is only about three miles, and I do so 
 like to walk, particularly alone. The next day I 
 made the tour of Hamilton for another walk. The 
 day after I bought two pounds of candy and 
 treated the school children as they went home. 
 Sunday one of my old schoolmates preached, a boy 
 that has come up from the ranks and is, I rather 
 suspect, going to be heard of in a local way. His 
 name is Gnstavus Pike, and he is rather original. 
 Aug. 7, I860, is memorable as the day on which I 
 examined a horse with a view to purchase, but as the 
 price was twenty dollars, and my investments could 
 not go above twelve, I concluded to invest in another 
 direction. Besides, I didn t think it would be safe 
 for so inexperienced a rider as I am to begin on fast 
 horses. August 9, one of the friends whom I met in 
 New Hampshire, in my rambles last summer, " turned 
 up." He s a minister and thinks my style is good, 
 but my theology needs screwing up ! Now you 
 know, Mr. "Wood, that the theology of my articles is 
 the very point, but I am afraid you and I will have to 
 put up with such things as best we may. Thursda}~, 
 9, our friend Derby walked up behind his brown 
 beard and made himself generally agreeable. Know 
 ing no other way to entertain him, I trotted him out 
 took him to Brown s Hill the first night, to see the 
 prospect and the sunset, both of which he admired 
 beyond my hopes. Friday we put some luncheon and 
 books in a basket and walked over to the ponds and 
 spent the day, which ought to have been to a New 
 Yorker like a breathing-hole to a seal, and I rather
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 299 
 
 think it was. Saturday we went to Newburyport and 
 called up " Sir Rohan s Ghost," which was a very pretty 
 fair-haired, smooth-faced ghost, and roared us very 
 gently, and in the afternoon the ghost s friend, a Mr. 
 Spofford, a young lawyer of Boston and Member of 
 the House, took the Ghost and us to drive, over to 
 Whittier s in Amesbury, but unfortunately a broken 
 bridge smashed between us and our goal, so we were, 
 perforce, content to make the sweep of Newburyport, 
 which didn t, however, require any great resignation, 
 seeing we had a ghost, a representative, a publisher, 
 and Yours very respectfully to fall back on. Sun 
 day we went to church and Mr. D. enjoyed the fleet 
 ing honor of figuring as my "beau." Monday morn 
 ing he left in a fog, and in the afternoon we took a 
 drive to Manchester and picked berries on the way, 
 Alvin amusing us with Zouaveing according to the 
 latest fashion. I forgot to tell you that Mr. Derby 
 and I called on the Spaldings at N., but he was away, 
 and she had a sick baby, and we only stopped a few 
 moments. Friday, 17, was diversified in my annals 
 by going to Bull Brook with twenty or so people from 
 Beverly in a big furniture wagon to get berries and 
 have a dinner. True to our instincts, we got the 
 dinner first. The men took the lead. Two fires were 
 built, coffee made, a lobster chowder "got up," and 
 crackers, cheese, cake, pie, etc., spread on some 
 boards under an awning and we had a grand dinner. 
 Afterwards we dispersed for berries and with those 
 we picked and those we bought came home laden with 
 spoils. I rode home on the outside with the driver, 
 and, you will be interested to know, effected a con 
 quest ! One has to make the most of everything in 
 the country, because there isn t a great deal of raw
 
 300 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 material to operate on. Sunday, August 19, the 
 True Church put off its robes and held forth in our 
 meeting- house in the person of John Cotton Smith, 
 formerly of Boston, now of New York, and I liked 
 the True Church very well. All that week was devoted 
 to camp meeting and there wasn t a clear day in it. 
 It was fog, rain, and clouds with scarcely an interval. 
 Methodism was fairly put in soak. I went up and 
 viewed the grounds on Monday, and on Thursday 
 stayed through the sermon, though I didn t hear very 
 much of it, being too far off. Met some friends 
 there, Mr. Spalding, of N., among others. Friday we 
 started to go again, but got as far as the station and 
 found it so interesting to see the crowds come in and 
 go out that we spent our fare money for apples and 
 stayed there all the morning, and, moreover, don t 
 tell any one what a " loafer " I am, went up again at 
 evening to see it again. Some of the Methodists re 
 mained over Sunday and groaned a little at our even 
 ing meetings. Last Tuesday we went to the beach 
 and splashed in the water, and antic-ed on the sand, 
 and had a fine time. I do like the water. When my 
 ship comes home from sea I mean to build a house on 
 the sand. 
 
 Our beets and parsnips have come up beautifully, 
 my morning-glories and sweet-peas are out, and I 
 have the plan of a garden for next year all drawn. 
 Also, I have obtained several recipes for making 
 bread, so you see I am fulfilling my early promise of 
 being a successful horticulturist and cook. I had one 
 "Intelligencer" with a letter from you in it, a few 
 weeks ago, but I want to hear from you personally. 
 Only think, I suppose I shall only write you one more 
 letter before you will be coming home unless indeed
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 301 
 
 you conclude to forswear the land of your birth and 
 take up the standard of Garibaldi. Don t ; America 
 " hath need of thee," and I want you to see my gar 
 den that is to be. 
 
 Good-by which means God be with you. 
 Yours most truly, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 6, 1860. 
 
 Friday afternoon mother and I poked off to pre 
 paratory lecture and endeavored to get into a suitable 
 frame of mind for Sunday. Brother M. was, as usual, 
 substantial, logical, terse, but not brilliant, The 
 weight of his discourses doesn t allow him to cut 
 capers. After lecture, a flock of Old Simmons 
 Place-ers lighted in the parlor, and preyed upon us 
 half an hour or so well-enough people, though I 
 don t see any particular object in such people s being 
 born, anyway. Sunday went to Wenham in the 
 morning, and it being Communion Sunday, Mr. 
 Morel ough came down from his metaphysical heights 
 and the pulpit, and treated us to a few " plain and 
 familiar remarks " quite familar " intimit " even. 
 
 HAMILTON, October 22. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : As you are so fond of letters, 
 and as I have just finished one to Mr. Dexter which 
 I don t see how you can get at, and as I am going soon 
 to write one to Dr. Kirk, which you must also deny 
 yourself, why I thought I would write you a little 
 wisp of a letter just to comfort you. I dreamed 
 Saturday night that you came home that night. I 
 thought Maria must have treated you ill in some way. 
 I suppose what made me think that was because she
 
 302 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 did throw the dish-cloth at me. However, I suppose 
 you never aggravated her about the " Stranger within 
 thy Gates. " I don t dare say the whole of it, 
 even twenty miles off. As soon as you were gone I 
 turned and went, too, straight home, into the house, 
 changed my boots, and started off for Ipswich. It 
 was seventeen minutes past nine when I started and 
 it was twenty-five minutes past ten when I got to the 
 Ipswich Station. The Prince came out and I had a 
 good fair full look at him though not half long 
 enough, of course. I was more pleased than I had 
 expected to be. Now for home experiences. We 
 " still live " as you judge. I toasted bread Saturday 
 night for supper no it was Sunday morning. 
 Father took to frying pork. I sat down to read the 
 paper while waiting forgot the bread smelt it 
 burning, but never thought what it was and, oh, 
 my ! wasn t it black. We had quite a search for the 
 cheese, but couldn t find it. I concluded at last that 
 it must have walked off. I am sure it had every fa 
 cility. It appeared, however, this morning. I guess 
 father whistled to it. I skimmed the milk this morn 
 ing ns directed thought the cream wasn t very 
 thick, but supposed it must be all right, ascertained 
 afterwards that father had taken out the pan I was 
 to skim and had put this in its place, so I had been 
 skimming last night s milk. No harm done, though. 
 I just went down and skimmed the right pan and put 
 the other back " to rise again," as the poet says. 
 Seeing you were gone, father and I took the liberty 
 to stop at home from meeting yesterday. Your to 
 mato preserves continue good. I wish you had put 
 your quinces in something else, though. It s consider 
 able trouble for me to tie and untie that string every
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 303 
 
 time I want to go to em ! Ma am ? Father suggested 
 to me to-night that the roast beef had been gnawed. I 
 looked at it and considered that it had been very 
 decidedly. Yon may know that it must have been 
 something of a gnaw, or he wouldn t have confessed 
 that it had been gnawed at all. The mice had, how 
 ever, the good sense to gnaw only the solid fat, leav 
 ing the lean untouched. So we re no worse off, and 
 the mice are better which is a good thing all 
 round. We had a milk dinner to-day to which 
 father did full justice in the cellar. 
 
 Well, mother, don t hurry home. Stay another 
 week if you wish. Stay the roast beef out anyway. 
 When the pies are gone I ll make some cup-custards. 
 
 OCTOBER 31. 
 
 I got along very well keeping house. I made the 
 most delicious Indian cakes you ever ate, they rose 
 like a balloon and went down like lead (down 
 throats) , but they did not sink into the stomach like 
 lead. I made some cup-custards too very good 
 and boiled potatoes. That s all I originated. 
 Father cooked the pork and beefsteak. I have advised 
 him to hire himself out as maid-of-all-work. I think 
 he might perhaps finally attain to his long-coveted in 
 come of a "quarter of a dollar a day." Tell Hul- 
 dah I got home with my yeast all safe, but it was only 
 by the most strenuous exertions. When I got to 
 Mrs. Gooch s I gave it to the servant, who took it 
 down cellar. All through Boston I swung it by the 
 neck, to the astonishment of the passers-by. In the 
 cars the only place seemed to be close by the stove, 
 so I held it up to the window. When I got home I 
 set it down on the piazza till I made the bread, and
 
 304 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 then I pulled out the cork and was half suffocated 
 with frantic yeast. My bread was quite a success, 
 still I don t think it quivered quite as much as Hul- 
 dah s. 
 
 We ve had Quarterly Fast to-day, and I did violence 
 to myself and went all day in the vestry. Mr. 
 Southgate preached two excellent sermons. Brother 
 M. made a pastoral call after meeting and labored 
 with me on the subject of going to meeting all day and 
 especially to prayer-meetings. I told him I would 
 do any amount of praying for him at home, but I 
 didn t like to go to prayer- meeting. I was very glad 
 of the opportunity to express my views because I 
 think he s had it all his own way so long that he s 
 rather forgotten to look on the other side. We 
 parted very good friends. Hurrah ! We ve just had 
 a torchlight procession. Have em every night " ee n 
 jist. " Father goes to all the political meetings. I 
 prime him before he goes after all, I expect he ll 
 go and vote for the wrong man. My pen makes me 
 nervous and I can t write much. I ruined my gold 
 pen yesterday. 
 
 NOVEMBER 10. 
 
 At Salem, November 3, 1 heard Charles Sumner, Wil 
 son, and Mr. Alley. Saw Mrs. Alley to speak to her, 
 though only across several heads. Gen. Wilson saw 
 me and came up into the gallery. Did you see by the 
 papers that the Pine-St. Fair netted $3,700. I wrote 
 twelve letters for their post-office, besides making 
 several articles, with mother s help. I took Ettie 
 home with me, but Mr. D. took charge of us both, 
 took Ettie in his arms out of the cars and carried 
 her to Mr. S s carriage, which took us all in. Ettie
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 3Q5 
 
 is as happy ns a kitten, and as round as an apple. 
 She seems to be very healthy. I am expecting Mr. 
 Wood here the first of next week. He will probably 
 be in Boston on Thursday or Friday sailed, or was 
 to sail, in the " Europa" on December 1. 
 
 Father s news : Two cows at home, a year-old 
 critter and two cows boarding out, that s my stock. 
 (Doesn t say whether they are at the Revere or the 
 Tremont House.) Ain t got any horse. Hay s 
 twenty dollars a ton here. Farmers have a good 
 time here cider, enough of it, two dollars a barrel 
 no complaint of money among the farmers pota 
 toes half a dollar a bushel all have a good time 
 here sellin I ll warrant there s forty tons of hay, a 
 good many days, goes past the house here in a day 
 corn eighty- five cents a bushel, farmers have a better 
 time than mechanics do nowadays. 
 
 On my own account I desire to give you two bits 
 of information. One is that father asserts he is not 
 a farmer and the other is that he chuckles to him 
 self and us, but not to you, " I ll tell him what a 
 good time the farmers have, and that ll make him 
 want to go back to his own." Mother says she shall 
 recommence letter- writing after I go to W., and shall 
 remember you among the rest is quite out of that 
 line now, but wants you to write just the same is 
 quite as much surprised to hear from you in Louis 
 ville as she would to have heard you were in Minne 
 sota. Father wants me to unload a part of the forty 
 tons of hay, thinks it is rather too high reckoning. 
 
 BOSTON. 
 
 Our party is increased by Judge Nicholls of Hart 
 ford, and the rest are expected to-day. The steamer
 
 306 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 sails at nine o clock to-morrow morning. Yesterday 
 morning we all went down on board. It is very in 
 viting, and I wanted to go more than ever, only the 
 state-rooms look so small, and I do not like the being 
 shut up so in a box. The dining-room, however, is 
 large and pleasant, and the deck is a fine place. Mr. 
 Storrs has bought camp chairs so that they will be 
 quite independent. He has also provided himself 
 with tea, lemons, and crackers. Rev. Gilbert Haven 
 was with us, yesterday, and went down to the steamer. 
 Afterwards we went over to Charlestown to Bunker 
 Hill. We did not go up the monument, but went 
 inside the lower part. We also went through the 
 Quincy and Faneuil Markets, and I wish you would 
 go there some time when you are here. The New 
 Yorkers say they have nothing equal to the Quiucy 
 Market iu New York. I thought I would be very 
 careful of my money the first night I was here, and 
 take it to bed with me, so I laid it out ready for that 
 purpose on the table, and never thought of it again 
 till I saw it lying there some time the next morning, 
 so it was all safe, just as well. 
 
 NEW YORK, February 7, 1861. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I am so far safe at least, ar 
 rived last night. 
 
 I have written a letter already giving an account 
 of myself up to the time of my disappearance at the 
 B. & W. depot. You must send this with the other 
 when you have read it, as I closed rather abruptly. 
 I reached Hartford a quarter past one. I was to stop 
 at Merideu. The New York train was late, but 
 we got to New York before dark. Mr. Derby was at 
 the depot to meet me, and I got here safe, only some-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 307 
 
 what tired. "We had arranged last night a grand 
 skating party on the Park for this evening, but un 
 fortunately the day has set in rainy, and so that and 
 the ice are broken up. A letter from Leander 
 Lippincott, and a paper from Mr. Wood awaited me 
 here. The former informed me what delights awaited 
 me if I had only come to see his new house and new 
 trousers. Grace is away now, and I think I shall not 
 go there till I return from Washington. About going 
 to Washington, the people here think there is no 
 danger. I should not wonder if Mr. Derby should go 
 on with me. I intend to write to Mr. Wood to-day, 
 and shall decide definitely according to his answer. If 
 I go I think I shall go in about a week, but shall 
 probably write to you first. I shall not go alone. 
 
 FEBRUARY 14, 1861. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : You see I am safely here. I 
 thought on the whole I wouldn t write till I got here, 
 because you would be worrying from then till you 
 heard again. Now you, at least, will know that the 
 journey is safely accomplished. I see by my "Diary" 
 that I wrote to you last Thursday, when it was rainy 
 and I did not go out. I received that day the long- 
 looked-for letter from Mrs. Bailey, urging me to come 
 on as soon as I could. The next day it was excess 
 ively cold, so that we did not stir out of doors, but 
 Mr. Fitch bought some parlor skates and sent them 
 to us, and we had fine fun with them. They are like 
 skates, only with four little gutta percha wheels where 
 the steel runners are in common skates. Saturday it 
 was milder, and we went up to the Central Park. Mr. 
 Derby never skated, but Mr. Fitch is quite an adept 
 at it, and he took hold of one arm, and a Mr. Boyce,
 
 308 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 a friend of his whom we met there, took the other, 
 and so I got on finely, and indeed went quite by my 
 self. The sight was well worth seeing, and not to be 
 conceived without seeing. It was estimated that there 
 were thirty thousand people on the ice at the time we 
 were, and, according to the tally, a hundred and fifty 
 thousand during the day. When we came to go home 
 we could not find the coachman. After looking about 
 some time, Mr. Fitch put us inside, mounted the coach 
 himself, and drove us home ! I believe we live about 
 three miles from the Park. We drove a little out of 
 the way to drop Mrs. Derby s sister, and when we got 
 home there was the coachman just ringing the door 
 bell. He must have walked or run pretty fast to keep 
 up with us, but he was thoroughly frightened, and 
 begged Fitch not to say anything about it. He had 
 gone down to see the skaters when he ought not to 
 have left his coach, and so missed us. After dinner, 
 that is in the evening, Mr. Derby, Fitch, and I went 
 down to the Dusseldorf Gallery of Paintings, which 
 is owned by Mr. Derby s brother. It is in a new and 
 very fire building. Of course I cannot describe the 
 pictures to you, nor would it interest you if I could. 
 On our way home we walked for the sake of seeing 
 the streets in the evening, but had rode down Mr. 
 Fitch wanted me to go into one of the jeweller s shops 
 to see the pretty things, and then he insisted on my 
 choosing something, that they had dealings with the 
 man, it would all come back again, and he could afford 
 to be generous, so, taking it all very naturally, as I 
 think I have reason to do by this time, I selected a 
 very pretty morning breast-pin, which, you know, I 
 have been wanting for some time. It turned out that 
 a pair of earrings went with the pin, so I got the ear-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 309 
 
 rings too, which I shall have turned into pins, and 
 now, as I have both pins and scarf, I don t really 
 know what I do want next. On our way home Mr. 
 Derby bought me a copy of Tennyson s works, two 
 volumes, in blue and gold. Sunday Mr. Prince went 
 to church with me in the morning, at Dr. Bellows s, 
 Unitarian ; in the evening at Dr. Chapin s, Universal- 
 ist. Monday we devoted to seeing New York, just 
 the outside of it. Went clear down Broadway, the 
 principal street, to the Battery. Tuesday morning, 
 at eleven, I started for Washington. Mr. Fitch had 
 ascertained the evening before about the trains, and 
 went to the depot with me, bought my tickets, and 
 when he went to get my trunk checked, found that the 
 train only went through to Philadelphia. The alter 
 native was presented of going back and starting the 
 next morning at six o clock, or going on to Philadel 
 phia and remaining over night. I concluded to go on 
 to Philadelphia, passed a very pleasant evening, sat 
 up till about twelve. The train left the next morning 
 at quarter past eight. We all got up, had an early 
 breakfast, and then Mr. L. and I started again for 
 Washington. Kept alone as far as Baltimore, when 
 a gentleman who had sat near me all the way asked 
 me if I was going on to Washington, etc. Well, I 
 can t tell you all about it, for it s a very long story 
 from beginning to end too long to write, but I ll 
 tell you when I see you, only he was a Democratic 
 postmaster and editor of a Democratic newspaper in 
 Massachusetts, and we had a spicy talk, which ended 
 in his wanting to send me his paper, which of course 
 required me to give him my name, and wanted me to 
 send him a paper from Washington, whicli I promised 
 to do.
 
 310 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 FEBRUARY 19. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER: When I closed my last letter 
 I meant to write to you before this, but my attention 
 is called in so many different directions that I find it 
 very difficult to do any one thing in particular. I 
 received a letter from Augusta yesterday informing 
 me of the death of little Ettie. I was almost as much 
 surprised as if I had not known of her illness. It, 
 was so long that I supposed she was quite out of dan 
 ger. The letter having to go to New York and be 
 remailed, was longer than usual in reaching me. I 
 got it Saturday, not yesterday. T shall try to write 
 to Brown and Mary in a day or two. I have sent 
 some verses to the Congregationalist " which I 
 thought might be pleasant to them. 
 
 I believe I left 3 ou rather abruptly after I left the 
 cars on Wednesday night. Mr. Wood met me at the 
 station, and Marcel just outside of it, and we went 
 directly to Mrs. Bailey s. Mr. and Mrs. Pike, with 
 their daughter, are boarding here. Thursday we went 
 to the Supreme Court and to Congress for a little 
 while, but it was not interesting, and I came home and 
 went to writing. I had to go by Dr. Gale s to take 
 my letter to the post-office, and she threw up the win 
 dow and made me come in. Then we walked a little 
 while and she came home with me. I found that Sena 
 tor Bingham, ex-Governor of Michigan, had called to 
 see me while I was out. He had caught a glimpse 
 of me the few minutes I was in the Senate. I was 
 sorry, because he is rather a favorite of mine. Satur 
 day I met De Naise on the street, who informed me 
 that I was in no danger, as he had made arrangements 
 to take all his lady friends to Stamboul in case of 
 outbreak. Sunday I went to church in the A.M.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 31 1 
 
 Governor Chase, and Wm. Pitt Fessenden of Maine, 
 were here in the course of the day, both distinguished 
 rnen, whom it is worth while to see. To-day I am 
 preparing to go to the Capitol. The city is undoubt 
 edly quite safe. The cannon are ready to fire, the 
 artillery companies stationed, and the soldiers patrol 
 ling the streets. The men were under arms, and the 
 horses saddled all day last Wednesday (the day the 
 votes were counted). The railroads were guarded. 
 
 FEBRUARY 26, 1861. 
 
 Went to the Senate in the morning with Mrs. 
 Pike and Mary and Mrs. Bailey. Governor Biugham 
 came up in the gallery to see me and made quite a 
 long call. One of the senators spoke to him from 
 the floor and told him to come down and vote, but he 
 wouldn t hurry, said he d get down time enough to 
 vote, and kept on talking with me. Then they called 
 again, and finally I got nervous and made him go. In 
 the evening went to the Senate to hear Mr. Wilson s 
 speech. He read it, and not very well, though it was 
 a good speech. Sunday I went to Dr. Butler s in the 
 morning. Mr. Fred Pike, our Mr. Pike s brother, 
 member-elect of the next Congress, and who came on 
 with Mr. Hamlin, was here at dinner, Mr. Hale to 
 tea, and Mr. Wood in the evening, as he went home 
 from church. 
 
 Mary Pike and I went to the Capitol. Mr. Hale 
 had invited us to come up and send in our cards to him 
 into the Senate Chamber, and he would show us 
 around. We visited the Vice-President s room, the 
 marble room ( the finest in the Capitol, I think), the 
 various committee rooms, etc. Mr. Bingham wanted to 
 show me the Agricultural Department, and the Inau-
 
 312 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 gural preparations. Wednesday Mrs. Love joy called. 
 Mrs. Bailey and I went to the Congress greenhouses 
 with her and then to the House. Mr. Sitzky came to 
 me in the gallery and we had a running fire for a while 
 though he is too modest to be very pugnacious. Mr. 
 Fogg, the New Hampshire editor, whom I met last 
 winter, walked home with us and stopped to dinner. 
 Governor Chase of Ohio, ex-Senator, and just-made 
 Senator and probably Cabinet-minister, dined with us 
 also and sat next to me at my right hand, a fine-look 
 ing, upright, and very agreeable man gave us a 
 taste of the speech which he had just made in the 
 Peace Convention. Thursday Mrs. Dr. Butler and 
 Helen called and invited us all there on Saturday 
 evening to meet Dr. Lord, a gentleman who is deliver 
 ing a course of very interesting and instructive lect 
 ures (historical). Mrs. Bailey and I came out and 
 paid a visit to Mrs. Vice-President Hamlin. She is a 
 young woman about twenty-five, dark hair and eyes, 
 milky, soft skin, gentle and modest, rather pretty, but 
 not quite healthy enough to be as pretty as she has 
 the capacity for being. Mr. Pike and his brother, 
 the new Member, came while we were there, and we 
 were quite gay. Friday at the Senate in the A.M. 
 Saturday Mr. Mitchell of Missouri, who had come to 
 town the day before, called on me to renew our last 
 winter s acquaintance. Before he was gone, Bell 
 Naylor called to ask me to go to the Capitol with her, 
 which I did. Dr. Butler sat in the seat behind us, 
 and enlivened the dreary remarks of "Joe Lane" with 
 entertaining conversation. Mr. Gallagher of Ken 
 tucky called in the evening, Dr. Stone of Boston 
 (he visited the Baileys, not me, I never saw him be 
 fore), and Judge Huntington, who is always a gentle-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON ,313 
 
 man and whose visits arc always pleasant. Mr. Love- 
 joy called and spent an hour or two with me after 
 dinner, and I read to him a little book that Dr. Kirk 
 hud sent me, entitled, "No Sect in Heaven," which 
 led to quite a theological conversation. In the even 
 ing Mr. Gallagher called, bringing with him a friend 
 from Kentucky, whom I endeavored to edify for 
 a while. Mr. Davis of Rhode Island also spent the 
 evening here (he also was not my company, but Mrs. 
 Bailey s), and before long Mr. Goodloe came so that I 
 had both him and Mr. Gallagher on my hands, but I 
 took it easy, in a big chair, one on one side and the 
 other on the other, both Unitarians, and we fell to. 
 Fortunately no two Unitarians were ever known to 
 agree exactly, so whenever I found myself "cornered " 
 I just set them to fighting each other and under cover 
 drew off to repair damages. I don t as a general 
 thing like to pay visits or have company on Sunday. 
 I don t think it is a profitable way to spend the day, 
 but the only way to be rid of it here is to stay upstairs 
 and refuse to see any one, which I used to do when I 
 was here before, but as I am here now for so 
 short a time, I though it might seem a little ungracious, 
 so I just make the best of it. Monday we went to the 
 Colonization Building at 10 o clock to see the proces 
 sion. It came a little after twelve, Buchanan and 
 Lincoln in the same carriage, side by side. After 
 wards Mr. Chandler Young, a secessionist just come 
 from Florida to resign his District- Attorneyship, and 
 who was present at the inauguration of Jefferson 
 Davis at Montgomery, took Jane Cox and me in a hack 
 up to the Capitol, where we took position, saw the 
 oath administered, stayed through a part of the ad 
 dress, and then went back to see the procession on its
 
 314 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 return. In the evening I went to the ball with the 
 Pikes. Mr. Lovejoy came down to see mo and took 
 me to the ball-room, but did not go in himself. I 
 wore an apple-green silk, a Paris dress, flounced to the 
 waist, or rather ruffled, each ruffle having a kind of 
 pattern edge and floss fringe, the waist pointed be 
 hind and before, with a bertha to match the skirt, white 
 puffs of tulle in the bosom and a tulle chemisette, a 
 narrow black velvet round my neck, my coral bracelet 
 on one arm and a gold one on the other, etc., etc. It 
 was so late before Mr. Lincoln came that they began 
 to dance before he got there. When he came, the 
 band struck up "Hail to the Chief who in Triumph 
 advances." Everybody formed on each side of the 
 room, leaving a passage between, Mr. Lincoln being 
 conducted through it, bowing right and left, to a 
 raised platform at the end of the room. Mrs. Lin 
 coln followed, led by Mr. Douglas. Then the crowd 
 filed up and were introduced. Before this was half 
 through we went out to supper, and when they came 
 back, my attendant, who at that time was Mr. Bingham, 
 took me up. I said, " Mr. Lincoln, I am very sorry 
 for you, but indeed I must shake hands." He then 
 gave me another shake, and with a very paternal and 
 benevolent and gentle squeeze said, "Ah! your hand 
 doesn t hurt me," and then the crowd came up and I 
 passed on. Sometimes I promenaded, sometimes I 
 talked, and sometimes I only sat still and looked on, 
 which was to me the best part of it, the dresses and 
 dancing were so beautiful. Lord Lyons was there and 
 Chevalier and Halsewam. Mrs. Lincoln danced with 
 Mr. Douglas, who held her bonnet. Mr. Hamlin and 
 a lady whom I did not know, were their vis-d,-vis. 
 I think she only danced once. "The Prince " was
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 315 
 
 there also, a very nice-looking and well-behaved 
 young gentleman. Mrs. Lincoln was elegantly dressed 
 in a blue silk with a train, a point-lace cape, and \vhite 
 and blue head-dress. I wore my hair curled in front, 
 with a wreath of green leaves and gold grapes there, 
 I won t say another word about the ball. 
 
 MERIDEN, CONN., March 20, 1861. 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I suppose you will be glad to 
 learn that I am thus far on my way rejoicing. 
 Wednesday I made several calls and went to the 
 White House to see Mrs. Lincoln, but she did not 
 receive that day. Katy Chase and Nettie, daughters 
 of Gov. Chase, spent the day at our house. The 
 former is about twenty-one, tall, slender, beautiful 
 eves, hair, eyelashes, and feet, very graceful, great 
 repose of manner. Friday I went again to the 
 President s with similar success. Mrs. Lincoln s 
 children were sick and she did not receive. Monday 
 I went to Philadelphia. All the Pikes and Fred Bailey 
 went to the station with me. Mr. Lippincott and 
 Annie Grace met me on my arrival. We sat up and 
 talked till one o clock, got up the next morning at 
 six, and came off in a driving snow-storm ; reached 
 Meriden about seven in the evening. Mr. Wood has 
 an office with Mr. Chase at a salary of &2,000 a year, 
 so I left him comfortable. Don t you be worried 
 about Fort Sumter. It will all come out right in the 
 end. I ll give you my views when I see you. 
 Mother, when do you want me to come home? In 
 a hurry ? Mr. Dexter wants me to be present at the 
 dedication of his church, which will be on the 4th of 
 April, and I shall make my arrangements to be in 
 Boston :it that time.
 
 316 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 APRIL 17, 1861. 
 
 My time has been constantly taken up since my 
 return. I have written very few letters, and have 
 seen a good many people. I stopped in Philadelphia 
 one night. I did not stop in New York, but came on 
 directly to West Meriden, where I remained ten days 
 recruiting and luxuriating, lying in bed mornings, and 
 getting up to delicious little breakfasts arranged for 
 the occasion, went on one or two excursions, made a 
 few visits and received a few back again, had one 
 little party made for me, then went on to Hartford 
 and stopped a few days. From Hartford to Boston 
 and Cambridge, where I remained a few days. I 
 met Mr. Spalding in the cars the other day. He 
 proposed an excursion into the country when the 
 mayflowers come, but ah, me ! when will the may- 
 flowers come? A blocking snowstorm fastened me 
 up in Meriden, a blocking snowstorm followed me up 
 in Cambridge, and the day is dark and dreary. We 
 have had possibly no warm weather since my return. 
 The pleasant days have been "clear, but oh! how 
 cold." Still the grass begins to look green on southern 
 hillsides, and the crocuses and hyacinths are not 
 afraid. How do you feel about the wars and rumors 
 of wars ? If Washington gets too warm for comfort 
 shall you not begin to think of turning your face 
 northward? Every one is of course full of the matter 
 here. There is great enthusiasm. You will have 
 our Beverly Companies in a day or two, I suppose. 
 It must be rather stirring there. What do they say 
 about Anderson? And how does Mrs. Lincoln wear? 
 and what of Seward, and Chase, etc.? I suppose
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 317 
 
 the mails to Washington will not bo cut off, even if 
 hostilities do commence in that vicinity. To prevent 
 any trouble, however, I think you had better write to 
 me pretty soon and make sure. 
 
 MAY 14, 1861. 
 
 Went into Boston to see pictures the " Home of 
 the Bees " with some nasturtium leaves looking out 
 from the canvas and a butterfly alight on one of them, 
 and some beautiful mignonette, but otherwise not re 
 markable also the "Picnic of the Bears" rep 
 resenting them in human attitudes and with human 
 sentiments, grotesque and fanciful in conception, but 
 not so fully carried out as I conceive possible. Also 
 the gallery of the Allston Club said to be the finest 
 collection of pictures ever in this country. Rosa 
 Bonheur has one or two horses there. I also looked 
 in at the Park Street prayer-meeting. The vestry 
 was cold and dingy, not to say dirty the meeting 
 decorous, but not so interesting as I should think it 
 would be in a time of religious excitement. At five 
 o clock I went to Concord and stayed till next night. 
 Una is in Dio Lewis school at Lexington. Julian at 
 Cambridge. Rose at home. Friday evening we stayed 
 at home and looked at the Dore Bible. Saturday at 
 12 M. we went to Emerson s lecture, which I should 
 have enjoyed if I had not been so very sleepy. The 
 air was excessively bad though the lecturer was 
 Emerson ! 
 
 JUNE 12. 
 
 Mrs. Faulkner made a call here this morning. 
 She has been in town a day or two, and went from 
 our house to the station on her way to Cambridge. 
 She will be eighty years old next fall, and she goes to
 
 318 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Nowburyport, and Salem, and all about, alone. Her 
 father was a Frenchman, her grandfather a resident 
 of St. Domingo. It was the custom then for those 
 who were able, to go to France at the birth of their 
 children, on account of the superior attention to be se 
 cured, the negroes being the only attendants to be 
 had in St. Domingo. Her father was accordingly 
 born in the city of Nantes, in France. He returned 
 to St. Domingo, afterwards fell in love with a girl in 
 Hampton, Virginia, married her, and there Mrs. 
 Faulkner was born. Her father was a Catholic, her 
 mother a Protestant. Her father desired her to be 
 christened by a Catholic priest. There was none 
 nearer than Baltimore, whither they accordingly went, 
 and she was christened Marie Louise (Blanchard), a 
 friend of her father s, Toutant Beauregard, standing 
 god-father. The traitor, General Beauregard, bears 
 the same name and she supposes him to be the grand 
 son of her god-father. He was very fond of her, gave 
 her many presents, and when he dined out used to 
 send his servant to fetch her at dessert. At the age 
 of three or four years she went with her family to St. 
 Domingo, where they remained till the breaking out of 
 the civil war there, and the ensuing negro insurrec 
 tion. She was there during the bombardment, rush 
 ing with the rest of the women and children to the 
 part of the city farthest from the shore. One cannon 
 ball came rolling along so near her mother that the 
 wind of it blew her dress. For fifteen mouths they 
 did not undress at night. The women and children 
 went on board the American ships in the harbor every 
 night, and came back to their houses in the morning. 
 The unburied bodies of men lay about in the streets, 
 and she once saved her father s life by clinging about
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 319 
 
 his neck and preventing the blow of the assassin. 
 After a while the negroes drove the whites from the 
 island. She saw Toussaint L Ouverture was on 
 board a vessel when the British boarded it and im 
 pressed one of their seamen who was an Irishman 
 but at her entreaties he was allowed to remnin. She 
 married in Virginia a Capt. Lord who originated in 
 Ipswicli ; went with him to the Mediterranean. He 
 died of yellow fever in New Orleans, leaving her a 
 widow at the age of twenty-two. After eight years 
 she married Dr. Faulkner and came to Hamilton to 
 live. All this she told us this morning and I write 
 it to you because I think it interesting. One 
 thing more while journeying up the Mississippi 
 with her first husband, the boat was tied to a tree and 
 they took a stroll around as you did. They entered 
 a cottage and asked for some water. It being in the 
 vicinity of the Beauregard family she asked the woman 
 if she had ever heard of a Toutaut Beau regard. 
 The woman smiled and said he was her husband. He 
 had left her a widow and poor. She called in her son 
 from the field and introduced Mrs. Faulkner as his 
 sister. That, I believe, is the last she has heard of 
 them till this Beauregard turned up. She instituted 
 the first Sunday School in Hamilton and superin 
 tended it herself for a long while. 
 
 I receive frequent letters from Mr. Wood. Marcel 
 Bailey is in the army ; was in the advance-guard 
 when the march was made to Alexandria. Fred is 
 gone to West Point. Things seem to be growing 
 finely. Corn, beans, potatoes, squashes, beets, cucum 
 bers, rose bushes, sweet peas, morning glories, dahlias, 
 gladioluses (?), asters, mallows, pansies, nasturtiums, 
 and other things up and doing. Grass promises well.
 
 320 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Mr. Pike, of Rowley, preached on Sunday, prayed for 
 Gen. Scott and the country in a way to do your heart 
 good, whether it did them any or not. 
 
 HAMILTON, July 25. 
 
 After the cars left the B. & W. depot, I left also 
 and strolled slowly to the C office, carefully check 
 ing a strong itching to strangle the little newsboys who 
 added to " Times, Transcript, Journal," " the Fed 
 eral army defeated retreat on Washington," as 
 nonchalantly as if it had been nothing more than a 
 corn-doctor s advertisement. 
 
 [To A CHILD.] 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., August 20, 1861. 
 MY DEAR LITTLE MARY : I found a pair of gloves 
 yesterday on the table. They are just about large 
 enough for a honey-bee, and just about the color of a 
 hare-bell. Whose do you suppose they are? I have 
 concluded to send them to you, and if you don t know 
 any little girl who owns them, I think you may as well 
 take them yourself. 
 
 Since I began this I have had an invitation to go to 
 drive so I cannot write you a whole letter as I in 
 tended, but I hope you will remember me and love me 
 a little bit, and I will you ! Good-by. 
 
 Very affectionately yours, 
 
 MARY ARBY DODGE. 
 
 P.S. I think we must have a postscript, so please 
 give my love to your papa and mamma and that little 
 Anna, who says, " Oh ! " 
 
 OCTOBER 18. 
 
 I went to Boston visited round, heard Gough 
 lecture did a little shopping, returned as far as
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 321 
 
 Salem met mother there and came home at night 
 found among other letters, one from Rev. Wm. M. 
 Thayer, the " Phocion " of the " Congregationalist," 
 editor of the "Home Monthly," etc., wanting me to 
 write a series of articles for young men in his monthly, 
 or anything else I chose. I declined, assuring him 
 that I had nothing whatever to say to young men. 
 
 Mr. A. TV. D. showed my "Ode " to Mr.C. Gushing, 
 who professed to admire it, and being asked to criti 
 cise it, pointed to the first line and asked if the reap 
 ers were done brown? I thought usage justified that 
 construction, and tried to hunt up authorities, but 
 with small success so it came into my mind to ask 
 Charles Sumner ! So I wrote a letter to Charley, and 
 asked him telling him at the same time what I 
 thought of him personally, and enclosing the opening 
 paragraph of my article on " Forgiveness," pub 
 lished last fall. Charley sent back to me his Worces 
 ter speech, writing "Thanks" on the envelope, and 
 the next day sent a letter saying that he thought my 
 verses excellent, including the first line, that I must 
 write more, etc. He has also sent me two or three 
 other of his speeches. Now, Mr. Wood, don t you 
 go and tell him that I told you. Monday night, 
 October 7, Mr. Dodge brought home a bundle of yarn, 
 and I took enough for four pairs of socks. I had 
 previously engaged Mrs. P., Mrs. N. TV., Sr., and 
 mother to knit a pair apiece if I would provide 
 the yarn. Mr. D. has taken up the business ex 
 tensively, and has, I should think, as many as fifty 
 women knitting. We have finished one pair mother 
 and I. I knit the first one, and it is big enough for 
 the foot of a mountain. Mother says it will do for 
 somebody whose foot is bandaged. Mrs. T. P s
 
 322 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 will walk alone, Mrs. P. says, they are so stiff. 
 Her yarn is coarse and her needles fine, so you will 
 probably hear famous exploits wrought by a pair of 
 socks. 
 
 Our Conference came on Wednesday, October 8. 
 The people brought provisions and set the tables at the 
 Parsonage House, now empty, and had enough to 
 feed a regiment, and the regiment fed accordingly. 
 We were the only people in town, I suspect, who " en 
 tertained " at home, and we had a tableful, partly 
 because they wanted to come, and partly because 
 father invited some, and partly because there was 
 such a crowd at the Parsonage that I felt bound to 
 invite people here. As J. and I were walking home 
 together a gentleman overtook us and accosted me. 
 I had never seen him before, but J. introduced him 
 as the Rev. Mr. Thatcher, of Gloucester, and by 
 some hocus pocus he was at our house to dinner with 
 his party of three, a Mr. Trask whom father used to 
 know, etc. Mary met her minister, Mr. Barbour, in 
 the aisle and wanted to bring me up for an introduc 
 tion, but I kept behind. After services in the after 
 noon, however, Mr. D. came trotting round from 
 the other aisle with him ; said Mr. Barbour was so 
 anxious to see me that he was just going down to the 
 house to call, but chanced to catch a glimpse of me 
 so there was no escape. After that was over, Rev. 
 Mr. Bremner, a Scotch minister from Rockport, came 
 to J. and wanted an introduction, so she shoved us to 
 gether, and then a semi-circle of Trasks and Briggs, 
 and a general mob collected and I was glad to get out 
 and go home. Now you see ivhat fame is. We had 
 ten to dinner and thirteen to supper. I lost my white 
 pin in the forenoon and Mr. Thatcher advertised it,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 323 
 
 and Mary found it on the sidewalk coming home at 
 night. Thursday afternoon I canvassed the Backside 
 for blankets, quilts, socks, etc. Every lady gave en 
 couragement, but few gave blankets. Aunt Susan 
 heroically gave up one of her ancestral wrought 
 quilts. They said, however, that they would look over 
 their goods and see what they had and bring them to 
 me so as Petrarch said to Laura, " I live in hope." 
 If it clears this P.M. I shall start again. I intend 
 to scour the whole village, and if the rascals don t 
 divulge I will expose them. Friday evening there 
 was a grand War Rally "at the vestry. Rev. 
 Spalding of Salem was announced, but did not come. 
 Eben Kimball and W. D. Northend did. Mrs. 
 characterizes the former as a " bustin feller," by 
 which she means a modern Demosthenes, though she 
 does not know it. I explain this for your benefit, 
 Mr. Wood. My sister has lived in Hamilton, knows 
 
 the people, as Mrs. expresses it, " from egg to 
 
 shell," and understands the vernacular. 
 
 I forgot to say that Mrs. - called on us Confer 
 ence evening. Two fellows, the old one that stopped 
 all night in the snow-storm at the Mordough Coun 
 cil, and another one, stayed so long that I did not 
 know but that they were going to spend the night here, 
 and after having been in an exhausting receiver all 
 day I was not specially pleased to have Mrs. E. P. 
 come in before supper was fairly off the boards and 
 stay till nine o clock, but she did, and 1 read the news 
 paper and snubbed her and snapped her and laughed 
 at her, and she, sweet innocence, did not know a 
 thing about it and went away as amiable as you 
 please. Where ignorance is bliss, etc. 
 
 The result of the lecture was that ten enlisted from
 
 324 CJATL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Hamilton. That is the story that I heard the next clay. 
 Subsequent modifications have reduced the number 
 to one, and perhaps two, but I tell the tale as twas 
 told to me. That one is Eddy Whittredge and per 
 haps David Wallace. I have heard a Saunders 
 mentioned, but I don t vouch for him. David Trask 
 has gone. 
 
 Ordination came on Tuesday a day that eclipsed 
 the Conference. Fortunately the North Association 
 had a centennial in Rowley that day, and that di 
 verted the current from us otherwise we should 
 have been inundated. The day was a gem set flaw 
 less in the gusty October. Rev. Mr. Felt came to 
 our house in the morning ; came in the first train. 
 I like him much. He is a man of dignity and educa 
 tion. He is going to send me his Memorial of his 
 wife and his Ecclesiastical History which he is now 
 writing (of New P^ngland). The morning exercises 
 were in the vestry and were interesting and frivolous 
 me judice Mr. Fitz, Mr. Sewell, Southgate, 
 Middleton, Johnson, Choate, etc., were there. Dr. 
 Blagden, of the Old South, presided. He seems to be 
 an easy, solid, good-natured, happy, affectionate 
 sort of man. I think I should like him. At noon 
 Mr. D. took the bishops and the other clergy, dele 
 gates, etc., over to the Ponds to dinner. They were 
 extremely pleased. Dr. B. thinks he has found the 
 Garden of Eden at last, and says Mrs. B. must come 
 there and board next summer. Mr. D. took occasion 
 to read my " Ode" to the company and gave Dr. B. 
 his last remaining copy of it. I expect it will die out 
 now. Prof. Park came with Prof. Phelps at noon 
 and were as attractive as a menagerie. They were 
 to have gone to Mrs. D s to dinner, but mistook the
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 325 
 
 house and got to Mr. S s did not discover the 
 mistake till they were seated at the table. Prof. 
 Park disconcerted poor little Mrs. S. a good deal by 
 scanning all the people at the table and gazing 
 around. She could not divine what the trouble was 
 or what he wanted till he satisfied their curiosity by 
 asking slowly, "Is Gail Hamilton here ? " 
 Gail Hamilton owes the continued possession of her 
 faculties to the fact that she was not there. I never 
 saw so many carriages in Hamilton, nor so many 
 people in the meeting house, nor so much talent in 
 the pulpit, as there was that day. Prof. Park 
 preached the sermon and it was splendid. His face 
 is a sermon a volume a library a college and 
 professors. So strong and so full of genius. Dr. 
 Blagdeu gave the charge to the pastor excellent. 
 Mr. Southgate charge to the people in his best style 
 and royal good sense. Mr. S. was not averse lo 
 charging a people that Prof. Park preached to and 
 Prof. Phelps was brother-in-law to. Brother Amos 
 gave right hand of fellowship and brother-in-law 
 Means made the ordaining prayer. Never ordination 
 was so happily executed. Nothing was spun out 
 nothing flat, and everything went off nicely. Mr. D. 
 
 came down in the evening, bringing Rev. , of , 
 
 to the Mecca of the place ! and W. C. gave the 
 Mohammed a book that he had written, which Moham 
 med received graciously, but hang me if she ever 
 means to read. Now you see, Mr. Wood and the rest, 
 we have been about as busy the last few weeks as 
 anybody in the country, and we have hauled up on 
 the dry dock to repair damages. 
 
 Yesterday P.M. Mr. Johnson went up on the hill 
 and came in on his return, stopped to tea and awhile
 
 326 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 in the evening. It is a luxury to look at him and 
 think he is not Mr. Mordough. The Mary Forrest 
 (Mrs. Freeman), author of k Women of the South," 
 etc., Mr. Derby s friend, and to whom I sent the fern, 
 is his cousin. He had read some of my letters there 
 before he ever thought of coming to Hamilton. lie 
 says people say to him, "Now you came from Hamil 
 ton. Tell us about Gail Hamilton. Is she a man or 
 a tvoman?" After he was gone, mother and I went 
 to Mrs. Patch s and spent the rest of the evening. 
 
 If you don t any of you hear from me again very 
 soon you must reflect that I am knitting and begging 
 for the country as hard as I can. 
 
 Truly yours all around, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 OCTOBER 26. 
 
 MY DEAR L. K. L. s : I send you the story. I 
 don t know about its being good, though. If it turns 
 out to be, it will be a proof that extraordinary times 
 produce extraordinary men for I have been over 
 whelmed, submerged, annihilated with fairs, sewing- 
 societies, conferences, ordinations in fact, Hamilton 
 has gone mad with dissipation, and before tilings had 
 fairly settled down, I " up " and made a box for the 
 soldiers, which wasn t a box at all, but a China cask 
 and a barrel. I had to do the thing myself went 
 to almost every house in the village and if I fall 
 insane, I know what I shall run on, " quilts, blankets, 
 under-shirts, "etc., but don t send me to the hospital. 
 T shall be quite harmless. 
 
 The nest-egg of the story I wrote a year ago, but 
 the chicken full fledged never came out till to-day. 
 Let me know when Grace comes this way. I want to
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 327 
 
 get a peep at her at least. If I can kidnap her a little 
 while, I think I shall do it. Long enough to give her 
 a drive in Hamilton and let her see the world. 
 
 Truly yours affectionately. 
 Good time coming wait a little longer, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., November 26, 1861. 
 
 MY DKAU MR. WOOD : Thanksgiving is over. 
 Motley legs and wings, the d6bris of many a vanished 
 fowl, the last of the Mohicans, furnished, but can 
 hardly be said to have adorned, our table to-day. 
 The day of plum puddings and pumpkin pies called 
 pumpkin out of respect to the memory of our fathers, 
 but refined by the moro fastidious taste of their chil 
 dren into squash (refined gastronomically, not philo- 
 logically), is past. Now if you can parse the above 
 sentence I will give you a certificate of fitness, and a 
 recommendation to any district of which you may 
 wish to take charge this winter. Two of our families 
 were present on Thanksgiving. A third was expected, 
 but was prevented by the advent of a young volun 
 teer who very unexpectedly (to his aunt) joined the 
 Mass. Light Infantry a few days before Thanksgiv 
 ing, for all which the Lord make us truly thankful. 
 
 Here we are on the very brink of winter, snow 
 lying white on the ground, snow scurrying down in 
 white whirlpools from the gray and angry sky. I 
 have received two letters from you since I last wrote. 
 The first part of the penultimate, I am inclined to 
 think, is what our friend Artemas Ward would call 
 " rit sarcasticall," but I should just like to have you 
 lay your hand on the Bible and affirm, if you dare,
 
 328 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTER^ 
 
 that you arc not in the habit of rounding off your 
 stories from the abundant stores of your own imagin 
 ation ! Did I not have to watch you with lynx-eyes 
 (what kind of eyes those are I don t know, but I ve 
 heard of em) to see just where the facts gave w;iy, 
 and the romance set in? Don t you remember the 
 touching and exquisite story of the early love of our 
 old Public Functionary, and how, being closely ques 
 tioned thereon and pushed into a corner, you were 
 forced to confess that upon a frail foundation of fact 
 you had fashioned a fair fabric of fancy? Did you 
 not once upon a time sit down and roll off with fluent 
 tongue a breakfast scene in Windsor Palace, just as 
 if you were one of the party? Don t you remorse 
 lessly retail conversations between Lord Palmerston 
 and his valet? and now you set up to be sensitive on 
 the point of Munchausenism ! Very well, if you 
 were not vulnerable, the arrow would not cause such a 
 commotion ! 
 
 I met in the train the other day Richard Spofford. 
 Richard Spofford is engaged to Harriet Prescott. 
 Harriet Prescott is the author of " Sir Rohan s 
 Ghost." Richard Spofford is a Douglas Demo 
 crat, a friend of Commodore Dupont, commander 
 of our Naval Expedition, of whom he spoke in 
 the highest terms. He tells me that Dupont, 
 Pendergrast, and Barren, the rebel of Hatteras, 
 were peculiarly tender and intimate friends, that 
 Barron is P s wife s brother, and that she and all 
 her friends are in Norfolk and vicinity. So this civil 
 war cuts into families. 
 
 Did you ever meet Rev. Mr. Pike, of Rowley? He 
 is a man of parts, one of the most welcome of our 
 " exchanges," a man, I think, of fine literary taste and
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMLITON 329 
 
 ability, and slightly peculiar, withal. My acquaint 
 ance among the clergy is extending ! Did I tell you 
 of one who called on me one evening and presented 
 me with a book he had just published ? Since his re 
 turn home he has deluged me with letters, tracts, 
 almanacs, books, papers, and finally tells me that his 
 wife, incited by his telling her that he found me knit 
 ting socks for the soldiers, has engaged herself and 
 the parish in like good work. Unconscious influence ! 
 I have been to court ! A young lawyer and his 
 wife, resident here, called for me to accompany them 
 to Salem to hear a case " just for the fun of it," Mrs. 
 Lawyer never having been in a court-room. So I did, 
 and we were so much interested that we went three 
 days in succession and heard it through, nor departed 
 till the jury did. Mr. Phillips, late District-Attorney, 
 or Attorney-General, perhaps both, was the Senior 
 Counsel on the losing side and argued the case with 
 much ingenuity and apparent candor. He adopts the 
 English style of speaking, has a soft, sweet, pleasant 
 voice, is gentle and gentlemanly, courteous to his 
 opponents, remarkably fluent, uses choice and elegant 
 language, is never violent either in tone or gesture, 
 but calm and conversational. The opposing lawyer 
 was Mr. Abbott, the gentleman who delivered the 
 Agricultural Address to which my "Ode" was intro 
 ductory. He was more able but less pleasing than 
 Phillips. I have since borrowed a law-book, and the 
 next thing you may expect to hear of me will be that 
 I am arguing before the Supreme Court. I have 
 already been admitted to the Bar ! But I suppose it 
 would please you to have me passively, rather than 
 actively, engaged in courting.
 
 330 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 DECEMBER 27, 1861. 
 
 When I was in school I had few intimacies for 
 the first two years none. The third summer I was 
 attracted to a girl whose name was Ellen Chapman 
 Hobbs. Her father was a lawyer in Waken 1 eld, N.H. 
 She was a remarkable girl highly intellectual and 
 intense not handsome, but with a face that lighted 
 up wonderfully, and with a slender, airy figure. It 
 shows how blue-stockingy we both were, that we fell 
 in love in the Logic class, charmed by each other s 
 recitations. This friendship founded on mutual re 
 spect outlasted our school-days, unlike the -general 
 run " of school-girl friendships both in its basis and 
 its duration. After leaving school, she taught awhile, 
 and then was married to Mr. Edward Ashtou Rollin, 
 of Great Falls, N.H. She has had three children, 
 the eldest a precocious boy who, of course, died of a 
 brain disease at the age of ten months, and two 
 daughters. She has sent me several urgent invitations 
 to visit her, which, for various reasons, I had been un 
 able to accept. But about Thanksgiving she renewed 
 them, offering as an inducement that, for the first time 
 almost since her marriage, she was well. So I put 
 myself into a little travelling basket, tucked a new 
 feather on my bonnet and a new collar on my cloak, 
 and started. I had not seen her since we were at 
 school together and I was somewhat anxious lest our 
 expectations, founded on youthful memories, might 
 not be met. I am happy to say that her womanhood 
 has fulfilled the promise of her girlhood, and we en 
 joyed to the full our five days visit. She is pleas 
 antly situated, has a noble husband, who is, moreover, 
 a rising man." He was Speaker of the House last 
 year, though he is only thirty- three now They have
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 331 
 
 a fine house, etc. She reads Schiller and Cicero and 
 Racine, and makes all her children s clothes, and pots 
 her own pickles and preserves, and is a perfect 
 wonder to me. On my way home I stopped in New- 
 buryport. I went with Mr. Spalding to visit Miss 
 Hannah Gould. She lives there in a great house all 
 alone She is a little "odd" at first, but simple and 
 sincere. Her front entry was piled up with soldier s 
 traps, and she is a thorough patriot. 
 
 Grace Greenwood made me a flying visit on the 
 17th inst. Came from Whittier s and stopped over 
 one train. I went on with her to Lynn to join a party 
 which had been made up to go to see Hermann, the 
 Prestidigitateur that s Boston for juggler. They 
 chartered a horse car, thirty or so, and we went over 
 to Boston at six and came home at 12 P.M. He dis 
 played himself in the theatre and swallowed handker 
 chiefs to a marvellous extent ; it was the first exhibi 
 tion of the kind I ever saw. The next morning I went 
 to Cambridge where we had a family party, it being 
 the 12th anniversary of my brother s marriage, and 
 his second child, little Melly, is just as sweet as she 
 can be and survive. The next day was memorable as 
 giving me my first glimpses of war. I suppose it 
 seems incredible to you that anybody should have 
 lived in this tumultuous country for the last six or nine 
 mouths and not have seen a regiment, not even a 
 company, but it is the sober truth, and I am that 
 body. So I was extremely delighted to learn that the 
 Cavalry Company was to come in that day, and I 
 climbed up on an apothecary s shelf and saw them 
 pass by. I thought them the perfection of splendor, 
 but the initiated only said that they were " very well, 
 considering-."
 
 332 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Mr. "W., are you not ashamed of yourself for saying 
 that \ve are outside Barbarians who don t keep Christ 
 mas? Keep Christmas indeed ! Didn t I tramp over 
 the frozen ground a mile or more to take some oranges 
 and some money and some brightness to a poor sick 
 woman, and didn t I give ten cents around to all the 
 children, and a quarter apiece to two Irish women to 
 go to the Fair with, and hunt up a brass candlestick 
 among the neighbors for them to put their Xmas 
 candle in, and didn t we have a turkey, and then a 
 Fair in the evening? Oh! now you d better talk 
 about on! side Barbarians, and didn t I buy a catch-all 
 at the Fair, and a wax baby in a plaster of Paris crib 
 and cotton wool blanket, and a family of mice, and a 
 doll s hat, and a silk bag, and a quilted petticoat, a 
 brilliantiue apron, and a soft ball to give to my vari 
 ous juvenile friends for Xmas presents? Not keep 
 Christmas? Ask my purse and see what story that 
 will tell. I am impoverished by reason of the in 
 tensity with which I kept it. 
 
 I took my Glengary cap out of camphor weeks ago, 
 but the skating does not appear. There is plenty of 
 cold, but no water to freeze. We lack the raw 
 material. However, I have a splendid sled which 
 goes at a 2.40 pace down the hills about here, and in 
 lieu of ice is the nicest thing in the world. But it is 
 cold to-day, not so cold, either, as it is boisterous. 
 The wind is rampaging about our house, and though 
 my coal-stove is brim full, I cannot get the summer 
 heat. My hope is that the wind will presently get 
 tired and go off. We all wish you all a happy New 
 Year. As ever 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 M. A. I).
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 333 
 
 HAMILTON, February 11, 1862. 
 We are to have a new Methodist church. $900 are 
 subscribed. "We, as a people, cannot build it," 
 says Mr. - , but the Conference, or something, is 
 going to help them. So says report. The Metho 
 dists have one convert I have forgotten what 
 special rapscallion it is but Aaron Caswell tells 
 Rev. Kitwood that he mustn t put any dependence 
 upon him. So I am afraid he is not quite so con 
 verted as might be desirable. My flowers were saved 
 by mother s ingenuity. There was a pyramid in the 
 middle of my chamber floor when I stepped in. I 
 had a good hearty laugh all to myself when I took it 
 down. I can t describe it, but I will give you the 
 materials : a table, flowers, a big chair, a little chair, 
 a cushion, a broomstick, .a pillow, a scarf, a lounge, 
 a dictionary (Webster s Unabridged), a writing-desk, 
 a big shawl, etc., etc. The flowers drooped, but with 
 the exception of one little sprig, they have all come 
 out as good as new. I had to knit these mittens by 
 guess. If they don t fit, bring them home and I will 
 knit another pair. 
 
 SARATOGA SPRINGS, NEW YORK, 
 
 July 24, 1862. 
 
 MY DEAR MOTHER : I wrote to you from Spring 
 field. At Springfield I parted company with my 
 trunk and have not seen it since. The baggage- 
 master thinks it must have gone up to Vermont 
 somewhere, and we have been telegraphing back and 
 forth, but I assure you it is not very comforting to 
 think of all my fine things lying packed up in my 
 trunk, tramping around among the hills of Vermont, 
 and me promenading in my old travelling-dress, a kind
 
 334 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 of chimney swallow among the Birds of Paradise. 
 The house we are in is sometimes called "The Saints 
 Rest," on account of the Reverends and D.D. s that 
 congregate here. I have met several agreeable peo 
 ple here, one a highly accomplished and beautiful 
 woman with four children ; is a splendid singer, and 
 has lived much abroad. We are intending to leave 
 Saratoga on Monday, and shall not make any stay of 
 any length till we get to Montreal. 
 
 The trunk has come safe and sound. My beautiful 
 and accomplished lady, Mrs. Blanchard, congratulates 
 me, " though," she adds with her musical, clear voice, 
 your costume is so neat in itself that it leaves noth 
 ing to be desired." 
 
 DECEMBER 23. 
 
 I had a magnificent Christmas box on Saturday 
 from an enthusiastic New York admirer, containing a 
 set of the New Cyclopaedia, bound in gilt and morocco, 
 an elegant portfolio, a large double photograph 
 album, and six or seveu richly bound holiday books : 
 the "Munich Gallery," "Gems of British Art," 
 " Bitter Sweet," " Sunshine in the Country," etc., 
 most elegant books you ever saw, from a man whom 
 I never heard of till within a few weeks ; he tells me 
 in his letter that he has already bought, to give away, 
 two dozen of my books. You must come on and see 
 them, but I shall not allow Mr. Emauuel to finger 
 them. 
 
 Our minister we are going to lose. Mr. Johnson 
 asked a dismission a week ago Sunday. It was quite 
 unexpected to most of the people. We are very 
 sorry to have him go. I do not know any one better 
 qualified for his position than he. He is a very gen-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 335 
 
 tlemanly, intelligent, and scholarly man. Ho remains 
 
 till after New Year. Mr. brought me a beautiful 
 
 azalea in full and profuse bloom, for a Christmas pres 
 ent. I have a new wire flower-stand on which this 
 towers preeminent ; below is a geranium hovering 
 between life and death, a rose-bush with violent symp 
 toms of budding, a striped verbena decidedly sprawly 
 and scrawny, but tough, and two pots of crocuses as 
 yet not visible to the naked eye. I have a turnip in 
 a broken cup hanging by the side of the window, in 
 which a morning-glory is struggling against fate, and 
 a cocoanut is in front of the window following the 
 same course. A Coliseum ivy in a glazed pot hangs 
 at the other window in a flourishing condition. In 
 the corner, on the what-not, is a beautiful German 
 pot with a German ivy almost run up to the ceiling. 
 
 Did I tell yon I had a letter from Parker Pillsbury, 
 speaking in the highest terms of some papers of mine ? 
 Did you know he was born in Hamilton? He thinks 
 if I keep on Hamilton may yet become the American 
 Bethlehem ! 
 
 December 10. I went to Boston, heard Wendell 
 Phillips lecture before the Fraternity audience on the 
 President s proclamation very fine. Went out to 
 Chelsea that night ; the next day visited in Cambridge. 
 A. and I went into Boston in the afternoon shopping. 
 Velvet bonnets were from $17 to $20, and I don t 
 know how much more. Felts were to be had trimmed 
 for $9.50. I bought a drab felt for $2.50, ruche, etc., 
 to the amount of fifty cents, came home, took an old 
 maroon velvet bonnet and feather, and two drab 
 feathers of an old bonnet, and have made such a 
 stylish bonnet as would cause you to open your eyes 
 ia admiration. Mother s outfit for this winter consists
 
 336 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 chiefly in flannels, a new cape to her bonnet, and two 
 pocket handkerchiefs. She had a new slate-colored 
 thibet in the fall. Mr. Dexter wanted me to send by 
 him to the country parson a copy of my book as a 
 
 kind of excuse for him to call. Mr. thought he 
 
 would be pleased by it, so I took one of the amended 
 fourth edition and wrote, " If the country Parson will 
 not disdain to accept a nosegay of wild flowers from 
 an American hillside, he will give a great pleasure to 
 one of the sincerest of his admirers, G. H.," etc., on 
 the fly-leaf. On my way home from Boston we went 
 to hear Mr. Milburn, the blind lecturer subject 
 Milton very good. 
 
 is married, we hear, out in New York, 
 
 where she taught, you remember I got her the 
 school, so I suppose I may be said to have got her 
 the husband. I hope I shall not be held responsible 
 for damages. The soldiers have all left us, to our 
 great satisfaction. They made quite too free with the 
 turkeys, chickens, cider, etc., to suit the ideas of 
 Hamilton farmers. They were not very well offi 
 cered one of the regiments, the one which caused 
 the trouble. 
 
 Mr. Wood is coming North during the holidays, 
 and wants me to meet him in Boston and go with him 
 to Andover to Mrs. Stowe s. Shan t do it. Mrs. 
 Stowe has been in Washington and guve him the in 
 vitation. In my book, do you remember a paragraph 
 concerning " Herman, or Young Knighthood"? The 
 story was written by Miss Palfrey, daughter of John 
 G. Palfrey. She has sent me a copy of a volume of 
 her poems, With the very hearty thanks for more 
 than one passage in C. L. and C. T. of," etc. 
 
 Write early and write often, as the New York poli-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 337 
 
 ticians tell their Tammany Hall-ers to vote. Where 
 people are so far away, it is necessary to keep the 
 connecting links constantly bright by being well 
 rubbed with paper. 
 
 Yours truly and affectionately, 
 
 ABBY. 
 
 [A POSER.] 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., February 3, 1863. 
 Mr. Derby, my friend, on the nineteenth of this 
 month, I sent you a letter. Did you receive it? 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 Now, Mary Abby, my friend, how could that pos 
 sibly be? Didn t you mean the nineteenth of next 
 mouth? 
 
 SMITH. 
 
 FEBRUARY 16, 1863. 
 
 Mother never knows how to write when I am at 
 home. Her only satisfaction is to sly a letter away 
 somewhere in the fall of the secretary, and take it 
 out at odd minutes after I have gone to bed, or when 
 she thinks I am quartered in my room for the day. 
 Once in a while I take her in the very act, and she 
 looks as guilty as you please. So now you must take 
 me for want of a better. 
 
 C. and S. were here to tea Monday, long enough 
 to hear a few of my book-letters read. Mother is 
 greatly alarmed lest I should be puffed up overmuch, 
 but no sooner does any member of the family come 
 into the house than she says, "Oh, Abby, just get 
 your St. Louis letter ami read," or your New York
 
 338 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 letter, or your Chicago letter, as it happens. And if 
 she has heard them read three hundred times before, 
 she sits with as wide-open ears as if they were en 
 tirely new and fresh. Not a newspaper puff appears 
 but 1 see her " nosing round " among the old papers 
 with her scissors three or four days afterwards, and 
 I can always detect her errand by her "sheepish" 
 look. At a breath of censure, you should see the 
 furies that flash from her eyes but /am in danger 
 of being puffed up ! 
 
 A. D. Richardson, brother of the " Congregational- 
 ist" man, correspondent of the "Tribune," lecturer, 
 etc., wrote me the other day saying he wished I would 
 write some sort of an address to the women of the 
 country ; he thought, and General Howard thought, 
 something of the sort might do good. It was, of 
 course, rather an indefinite "general order," but I 
 put down a few notes of things in which I thought 
 there might be an improvement. While I was writing- 
 it, a letter came from C. A. Richardson wishing me 
 to come to Boston to hear Mason Jones, the Irish 
 orato I went straight to Mr. Fields to see if an 
 article, supposing it was written, could go into the 
 next " Atlantic." That night I went to hear Mason 
 Jones, was quite pleased with him, went over to 
 Chelsea with the Richardsons, and the next day stayed 
 there and wrote a little notice of the Mason Jones 
 affair, and then wrote my appeal to the women. In 
 the morning took my paper to Boston to Mr. Fields, 
 who read it, liked it. Mrs. Fields came down and 
 gave it a name, and it comes out in the March num 
 ber. I thought you might like to have the history of 
 one article. It was done up in about the shortest 
 metre of any article I ever wrote, and I suppose it
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 339 
 
 will go at right angles with all your convictions and 
 principles. 
 
 Thursday Mr. Fields invited me to go with him to 
 a reading-club they had in Boston, about twenty- 
 five, Agassiz, Holmes, Mrs. Howe, E. P. Whip- 
 pie, etc. They were going to meet that night at the 
 Governor s, and he was going to read the commence 
 ment of one of my (unpublished) articles, one, by 
 the way, in which Alvin figures. When you were 
 paddling us round in the pigs trough iu the orchard, 
 you didn t dream that the Governor would ever have 
 the story, did you? I didn t. 
 
 Mr. Wood sent me ten dollars the other day to get 
 some white cotton socks knit for him. I have bought 
 the yarn, and some people in Beverly are going to 
 knit them. He gives a very amusing account of his 
 domestic affairs in a letter I received from him to 
 day. His seamstress has unfortunately for him 
 and perhaps for her ! been lately married, and he 
 put out his stockings and things to a new person. 
 He said he thought he would look at them when they 
 came back, and found they looked kt darned ugly." 
 He could find in his whole stock only one shirt to put 
 on all the rest had a button off, or a rent in the 
 bosom. Grateful for that one, he assumed it, but on 
 buttoning the collar, off came the button ; so there 
 was nothing for it but to sew it on himself ; and put 
 ting it on once more, he found he had got the button 
 on the wrong side. 
 
 Don t attempt to ridicule father out of his river- 
 fear. Fire and water are the only two things he is 
 afraid of, and them he fears both by wholesale 
 and retail, much more than is good for himself or 
 others.
 
 340 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 MARCH 6. 
 
 Saturday Augusta and I went to Boston together. 
 I went to Mr. Fields office when I first got to town 
 and left my basket, and told him I would come back 
 about five to go home with him, which I did, and we 
 had supper at six and rode to the concert at seven. 
 It was by Madame Urso. You may remember Cam 
 illa Urso, who was around several years ago playing 
 the violin as a child nine or ten. Since then she 
 has been married, lived in Memphis had five, some 
 say seven, children, a miserable, good-for-nothing 
 husband who lias promised to keep away from her, 
 and now she is trying to support her three sur 
 viving children by her art. She has had almost 
 no practice for these years, yet musical artists 
 say that her skill is unimpaired and that she 
 even plays better than ever. How that may be I 
 cannot say, but I never heard anything so fine come 
 from a fiddle. When we got home we found Haw 
 thorne there, who remained as long as I stayed. lie 
 is a glorious man, a very ideal man in his personal 
 appearance, with an infinite forehead, his gray, dry, 
 long hair thrown back from it in all directions, deep 
 lamps of eyes glowing out from under their heavy 
 arches, black eyebrows and moustache, a florid, 
 healthy face a pure, sensitive, reticent, individual 
 man whom it is enough to have seen, to have looked 
 at, to have been in the same house with. He talks 
 little, but he talks extremely well. You see the same 
 peculiarities in his conversation that charm you in his 
 English papers in the " Atlantic." On Sunday even 
 ing several people were in and he disappeared alto 
 gether. Three or four times I would look up at him 
 across the table and find his deep, inextinguishable
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 341 
 
 eyes looking at me and when he said " Good-by " he 
 invited me to come to Concord, and said he would 
 assure me of a welcome, and that I should not be 
 pestered with admiration, and that he would take me 
 to Emerson, etc. I shall never go, but it was nice to 
 be asked. Moncure D. Conway, whom you pi obably 
 know about, stayed there Sunday night. He reminds 
 me much of Alvin, is tall and slender, dark hair, eyes, 
 and whiskers, and a nose large and somewhat like 
 Alvin s. I liked him, too. The trouble with me is 
 that I like everybody. Monday morning we went 
 down to breakfast at half-past eight, and did not get 
 upstairs till near ten. Mr. Fields himself is very 
 entertaining and amusing, a fine mimic, genial and 
 funny, and I had nothing to do but listen and laugh 
 and look at Hawthorne, when I was sure he would 
 not be looking at me. I also had a long talk with 
 Holmes, who is as crisp and clear and incisive in his 
 talk as in his books. He is a man who has an admir 
 able command of all his resources. His sword is 
 two-edged and keen. You don t need to talk your 
 self ; he keeps the ball rolling without aid, and his 
 talk is extremely good, though I don t feel as if I had 
 the full benefit of it. I would have much preferred 
 being alone with him, but there were others in the 
 room, though the conversation was mine. Also, I 
 saw Rev. Mr. Waterston, whose only child, a daughter 
 of eighteen, died in Rome. Whittier wrote a poem 
 upon it. He gave me a very cordial and urgent in 
 vitation to visit his house, and I believe I made a 
 promise to do so. Also, I saw Mr. Quincy, grandson 
 of old Josiah, and son of young Josiah Quincy. Mr. 
 Fields house is full of pictures and autographs and 
 curious things, old books, etc., a set of Byron s
 
 342 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 poems, which he himself had bound and gave to Leigh 
 Hunt with his own inscription inside, a " Boccacio" 
 which Leigh Hunt s wife gave him before they were 
 married and which he gave back to her afterwards 
 on the anniversary of their wedding-day, photograph 
 books of English people the Queen and the Royal 
 Family the Queen, by the way, being as dumpy a 
 little Dutch girl as you shall see in "Knickerbocker." 
 I came home the next morning; found several books 
 awaiting me, one from a Mr. John Tappan, a rich old 
 man of Boston, who was much pleased with an article 
 on Dea. Safford, which, by the way, has created quite 
 a sensation about here. Mr. Fields tells me that a 
 gentleman from New Hampshire sent down to him 
 requesting permission to copy "A Call to my 
 Countrywomen" in the N.H. papers, and also to have 
 it printed in pamphlet form for general distribution, 
 which he granted. So you may imagine me election 
 eering in N.H. to some purpose, I hope. Wednesday 
 I went to Newburyport found Mrs. Spalding very 
 comfortably located at the boarding-house of a Mr. 
 Tilton, and looking much better than I have seen her 
 this long while, which I attribute to entire absence of 
 housekeeping cares. Mrs. Bannister, who used to 
 be Miss Grant, boards in the same house with her. 
 When I was at Ipswich I used to be sent over to Mrs. 
 Bannister s every now and then, to "mend my man 
 ners," I suppose, and I acquired such a fear and 
 horror of Mrs. B. that I have never had any toleration 
 of her since, but she invited me into her room and as 
 I did not quite know how to refuse, I went and spent 
 a very agreeable half hour with her. I asked Mrs. 
 Cowles afterwards if Mrs. B. had not limbered up. 
 She said she thought it was I that had changed and not
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 343 
 
 she, which may be the case. Mr. and Mrs. and Miss 
 Gage also board there. He was a Unitarian, but after 
 wards became Orthodox ; has been much abroad, and 
 is thoroughly imbued with the spirit of German litera 
 ture, is familiar with German biography and theology. 
 He is supplying Mr. Spalding s pulpit, having re 
 signed his own on account of illness ; is leisurely writ 
 ing a book. I had an extremely interesting and valu 
 able talk with him, and the next morning he went to 
 the station with me and gave me a book of his own 
 on a subject which we had discussed, " Zum Ged- 
 achtniss eines unvergesclichen Abends," which, being 
 interpreted, means ; in memory of a never-to-be- 
 forgotten evening." We have had the smartest snow 
 storm of the season. Didn t go out yesterday ; snow 
 at the gate almost up to my neck. I have shovelled 
 a path through it just in time for the minister to come 
 and make me a call, wants to come here. Ratherish 
 odd, I should think, introduced, he asked at once if 
 this was the authoress. I told him no, it was the 
 coal heaver, duster, and washer, but took him into the 
 parlor. He asked if I liked to write. I said he must 
 wait till my " Life and Sufferings " were published. 
 Was I much interested in matters of the town? Well, 
 yes, but I did not think I should go to town-meeting 
 to-morrow. Did I intend to spend the rest of my 
 days here? I should probably stay the rest of the 
 winter, especially as spring has already come in. On 
 the whole, I have not made up my mind about him, 
 and unless he comes to stay, shall not probably do so 
 at present. This much is certain, he is not Mr. 
 Johnson.
 
 344 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 MAUCII 17. 
 
 We had quite an eventful morning. AVheu I went 
 downstairs this morning mother was standing keeled 
 up over the wood box in the sitting-room, holding the 
 cover open at a respectful distance and the cat claw 
 ing inside "like mad." I began to take out the 
 sticks with the tongs amidst a flutter of paper, the 
 cat growing eager every moment, and as I removed the 
 last stick I caught sight of the fore-quarters of a 
 mouse making frantic attempts to scale the ramparts, 
 but he was gone in a minute into the inexorable jaws, 
 and I reflected how necessary it is to be a cat if one 
 would catch mice ! No human agility could seize that 
 swift-footed animal in its electric transit. The cat, 
 after having devoured the mouse and been sufficiently 
 petted and praised for simply doing her dooty," let 
 alone following her inclinations, began to look strange, 
 shaky, and bewildered, and finally lay down and went 
 into a long fit, or a succession of short fits, after 
 which it became necessary to remove the cat out 
 doors and to keep her out also. Saturday afternoon 
 Mrs. J. H. Ilannaford, with a friend, a Mrs. Webber, 
 and two boys, came up in a sleigh and made a call of 
 an hour or so! Monday I had a letter from A. I). 
 Richardson, now in Washington, says he has heard 
 only words of praise for " The Call," and thinks il 
 must do much good. Mrs. Fremont and her daughter 
 spoke of it in the highest terms. This morning 1 luul 
 a letter from Boston requesting permission to print 
 "The Call " in pamphlet form for general distribu 
 tion ! 
 
 I went to Amesbury, to Whittier s, on Mrs. Bailey s 
 biography business. They did not know I was com 
 ing. I rang the bell, was shown into the sitting-room
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 345 
 
 where Miss Whittier sat reading faciug the door, and 
 he writing, back, ditto. I went up to her and said, 
 "shall I have to introduce myself?" She had seen 
 me only twice both times in summer dress. She 
 rose, said " No," but looked dubious. lie jumped up 
 and came to me with both hands extended, " Why, it 
 is Gail Hamilton," and then we all three walked into 
 Paradise^ shut the gate, and threw away the key. I 
 can t tell you all we talked about. Miss W. is a 
 modest, large-eyed, but not beautiful woman, gentle, 
 timid rather, but opening to acquaintance not well, 
 full of tastes and sympathies and sense, no silliness 
 heart not very demonstrative, nor very the con 
 trary. He is the king of men and what is the good of 
 talkiug ? We talked about the Baileys aud the anti- 
 slavery cause. He thinks the biography should be 
 written, " and nobody would do it as well as thee if 
 thee would undertake it," but thee won t and be 
 sides she can t. It would be a labor of love to him, 
 but his health is not sufficient. He thinks Mrs. Bailey 
 herself would make a very readable book. We both 
 concluded that John G. Palfrey was the man, if avail 
 able. They, too^ like " Spasm of Sense" extremely. 
 I lamented that I could not be anonymous. I had 
 always meant to be, but never succeeded. "It is a 
 great deal better as it is. It puts thee on thy good 
 behavior." "You don t trust me," I said. " Yes, I 
 do trust thee, but thee has a great audacity great 
 audacity." I told him of my Christmas present. 
 Both wei e surprised and delighted. Miss W. said 
 when any good thing came to her it seemed so strange 
 that she should have it be thought worthy of it. "I 
 warrant thee didn t feel so," said Whittier. "No," I 
 said, " I took them like a queen." He laughed and
 
 346 OAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 clapped bis hands in great glee. We were talking of 
 music and I bemoaned my incapacity. " Thee 
 mustn t complain," he said, " the Lord has given thee 
 a great deal." We talked theology like fury. I told 
 him we had one of his Amesbury ministers eleven 
 
 years. "Did thee sit under ?" You should 
 
 have seen the tone and expression, " I wonder thee 
 has come out of it." "He was a good neighbor 
 enough, but I thought him a mighty stupid fellow." 
 He told how he had berated Harriet Kimball for leav 
 ing the Congregational and joining the P^piscopal 
 Church. Miss W. said it was the most cruel thing I 
 ever heard. He had no mercy, and she sat as meek 
 as could be and " supposed it was all deserved." He 
 said he had a qualm of conscience afterwards, she 
 was so patient. " Now if it had been thee, I wouldn t 
 have cared." "But you would have let me pay 
 back," I said. " I should have known thee would." 
 They had a parrot which kisses and snuggles up and 
 walks over the house and asks for water and eats 
 peach preserves. I lamented that I did not look as 
 an intellectual woman should and made a fool of my 
 self when I wished to be particularly wise. He said 
 that was the best part of it that he liked me be 
 cause I didn t seem literary bore no mark of mental 
 effort, care, or logic. Well, are you tired? Pooh! 
 I could spin out a bookful and have plenty left for an 
 appendix. When I came away he said he thought 
 some good angel must have sent me. He had had a 
 headache the day before, and I rather suspect they 
 both needed a brighten ing-up. I went in the ten 
 o clock train to Mrs. Spalding s, and as it was Fast 
 Day went to church with her and heard Mr. Gage 
 preach a very good sermon, though he told me after-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 347 
 
 wards it was a year or so old. At tea Mrs. Bannis 
 ter asked me to come into her room, which I did, and 
 then she invited me to climb into her big sofa rocking- 
 chair, which I did, and then she bade me stay there, 
 which I did, and she rocked me, and I live to tell it ! 
 Friday I called to see my old friend Fanny Goodale 
 Thurston, whose husband has just asked a dismission 
 from his church, also on Marianna Porter, and we 
 talked about Miss Prescott, who, she says, is as good 
 as gold, but believes in nothing, past or future, man or 
 woman, but is desperately in love with Dick Spofford. 
 Saturday I had a letter from Mr. and Mrs. Fields, 
 filled with gratitude and delight at an article which I 
 had written to please her, on a musical theme, 
 just think of it ! 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., April 21, 1863. 
 I came across " Brisee " in a bookstore the other 
 day, and bought it and read it. If I am right you 
 said it was written by two young girls sisters, I 
 think, seventeen years old. If so it is quite won 
 derful, and whether so or not, it exhibits great 
 power, yet it offends me deeply. I have been read 
 ing with great delight John Stuart Mill s late work 
 "On Liberty." Also an old work at least ten 
 years or so and that is old, you know, in these 
 times, " Thorndale." I dare say you have seen 
 it. Such a black Baptist sheep as you would of 
 course have alighted on a work like that. It is full 
 of thought. Let me give you a piece of advice. 
 Whenever you feel in the mood to write a letter, 
 don t fold up the mood and put it away in a 
 drawer out of any charitable motives ! In fact, 
 such humility in one of your sex and I believe I
 
 348 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 may add without offense, in one of your spirit is 
 rather suspicious, and I have a notion that it was 
 only part mercy and the other and larger part, 
 inertia ! Human nature, you know, is so apt to 
 baptize an inclination with the name of a duty. Now 
 be frank and confess that I am at least nine-tenths 
 right. And what right have you, pray, to localize 
 Daniel Webster in the inhuman way you do? My 
 excuse for you is that you have dwelt so much among 
 the possible scenes of the " Future Life " that you mix 
 up the two worlds rather indiscriminately, fancying 
 that the judgments you pronounce for this may 
 apply also, or rather lap over, into the next. But 
 you must bear in mind that Apollo is neither Jupiter 
 nor Rhadamanthus. 
 
 I must say I am quite at a loss to understand why 
 there should be any difficulty about entertaining the 
 Haytien Ambassadors. They are the accredited 
 ministers of an accredited government, and I think 
 this embarrassment is the most arrant nonsense and 
 the most vulgar prejudice, and why Lord Lyons and 
 the foreign diplomats should be troubled of soul, I 
 cannot comprehend. 1 wish I was the leader of 
 society in Washington ! I would put one or two 
 things through, I warrant you, and all opponents 
 should bite the dust ! But " thee mustn t complain," 
 says Whittier, " the Lord has given thee a great 
 deal." 
 
 Did you know a woman in Washington has been 
 claiming the authorship of "Country Living," etc.? 
 Somebody down in Maine wrote to me a circumstan 
 tial account of the whole affair. A gentleman had 
 " seen the manuscript," and the " world would soon 
 be undeceived," my correspondent had been informed,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 349 
 
 and I was begged to say yes or no to the author 
 ship. 
 
 APRIL 25. 
 
 April 21 was distinguished in the Royal Family of 
 Hamilton by the reception of a bundle of "Calls," 
 sent by Mr. Barnard, part of an edition of 5,000 
 printed for general circulation. Wednesday to Bos 
 ton to see Bierstadfs picture of the Rocky Mountains. 
 I was introduced to a Miss Hammond, who was the 
 most brilliant talker I ever heard, talked pretty much 
 all the time, but without any arrogance or assump 
 tion naturally, easily, with the most musical 
 voice and the most perfect enunciation imaginable 
 talk rippling, overflowing with wit and humor and 
 satire and sense. I thought of Miss Palfrey, of whom 
 Mr. Fields has several times spoken to me as a very 
 brilliant person. At the table Mrs. Fields let drop 
 from her lips the name Miss Palfrey " and I saw 
 the plot at ouce. This Miss Palfrey is the daughter 
 of John G. Palfrey and wrote "Herman, or Young 
 Knighthood," of which you may have heard a certain 
 book speak in very high terms of praise. Miss Pal 
 frey was much pleased and sent the author a volume 
 of her poems with a neat little inscription. Well I 
 saw just how it was. They, knowing that I always 
 hate to " meet " people, and yet wanting to bring us 
 together, had planned a ruse. Mrs. Fields had come 
 down to the office to see if I would come, and hur 
 ried away to secure Miss Palfrey and were going to 
 get me acquainted with her under the mask of some 
 common Miss Hammond before I knew it. I said 
 nothing, but after supper when we were going up 
 stairs Mr. Fields said to me " Isn t she bright?"
 
 350 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and I said " There is hut one," and we hoth laughed 
 and understood it. He said he knew his wife would 
 let it out before it was ready to come. However, we 
 all went home with Miss Palfrey and then we went to 
 a concert, a performance of the old church music of 
 England, which was very fine, much finer, Mr. and 
 Mrs. F. both said, than it was generally performed 
 in the English cathedrals. The next morning Miss 
 Palfrey came again and invited us all to tea that 
 evening, but 1 was coming home at night, so it was 
 postponed till my next visit. She said her father 
 came to the door that evening in hope of an intro 
 duction, but he was at the top of the steps, and we 
 were at the bottom, so it would have had to be hal 
 looed. 
 
 MAY, 186,3. 
 
 I treated the company to oysters. It was mother s 
 first experiment with them, and when I asked how 
 she liked them, she answered politely that she neither 
 liked nor disliked, for there was no taste to em ! 
 Then we went to Bierstadt s picture, and then they 
 went to Cambridge, and I went shopping around 
 promiscuously and to Mr. Field s office awhile and 
 then to his house, where were Mrs. Hawthorne and 
 her daughter Rose. Mrs. H. is a short woman, not 
 so tall as I, with a peculiarly pure look, the look of 
 a woman who has had a life of content. Her hair is 
 slightly gray and slightly wavy. She is very simple 
 and straightforward quiet in all her tints and tones. 
 Her husband is to her just as much a hero and lover 
 now as he was the day she married him. She is 
 receptive and kindly just such a wife as Hawthorne 
 should have. Do you care to know how she was
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 351 
 
 dressed? A black velvet Zouave jacket trimmed 
 with two-inch-or-so broad lace, a skirt of some black 
 and white striped stuff, a white under-waist of white 
 musliii and lace and things, a handkerchief pin, 
 collar- pin, and belt- buckle with a carbuncle, and I 
 nevor so much liked a carbuncle before. It glowed 
 like a liquid ruby drop in her soft muslin. Rose is 
 perhaps ten or twelve years old, a quiet, well-bied 
 child, prettily colored, with the poet s gold in her hair, 
 but which common eyes would call red, such a com 
 plexion as light blue befits. We spent the evening 
 quietly by ourselves, Mr. - being with us a part 
 of the time and upstairs, writing, a part but we 
 talked him out and off to bed long before we went 
 ourselves, which was not till after twelve. 
 
 Dr. M unlock wants me to write for the " Watch 
 man and Reflector," " satisfactory price," etc. I 
 told him I was pretty fully engaged, but he wished me 
 not to say no right off, but think about it awhile. I 
 was not to tell the " Congregationalist" or anybody 
 about it, and you see I don t. About every time I go 
 to Boston, Mr. Fields belabors me about not " spread 
 ing myself," etc., that nothing is worse than to be 
 come common, etc. So he would be pleased with Dr. 
 M s proposition. My rose-bush has three buds on 
 it, and I have put some of my flowers and my bird 
 outdoors this morning. Your pamphlet wants " such 
 beneficent disarmament and coercion to be enforced 
 by heroic volunteers in ample numbers, who are will 
 ing to lose their own lives if need be," etc., etc., etc. 
 That is precisely what I want. The precise manner 
 in which the Peace Society proposes to accomplish 
 this I have never yet seen. I suppose they would go 
 down on the Rappahanock and tie a pocket-handker-
 
 352 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 chief over the muzzle of every gun. If in any way 
 they can disarm the rebels I should be heartily glad 
 to have them bestir themselves. Meanwhile the best 
 method seems to me to have plenty of men, guns, and 
 ammunition in the field, and faith, hope, and charity 
 at home, and bung away. Trust in God and dry 
 powder is the best Peace Association I ever heard of. 
 You should remember, too, that the object of war is 
 not to shoot and mutilate as many as possible. It is 
 only to do just so much of it as is necessary to coer 
 cion. This is not only a theoretical, but a practical 
 distinction. It is a fact that shooting that brings 
 nothing to bear is everywhere frowned upon. It is a 
 fact that the moment the men whom you are trying 
 to kill are blown into the water, you peril your life to 
 save them. It is a fact that men are taught to shoot 
 low, because your enemy s life is not desired, only 
 that he should be put liors de combat. What we are 
 all striving after is peace, with a basis of righteous 
 ness. 
 
 JUNE 11, 1863. 
 
 I beg that you will not go out of your way to strike 
 down my friend " Thorudale," because it is not a relig 
 ious novel at all, nor any kind of a novel. I dare say 
 you have never read the book, you are certainly be 
 laboring the wrong name ; but the fact is, you are so 
 heterodox yourself that you will not let any one else 
 come near. You wish to monopolize the heresies in 
 your own proper person, and so you fend off every 
 one else who shows the smallest disposition to over 
 leap boundaries. And as for your somebody s " His 
 tory of Baptism," which you counsel me to read, I 
 assure you I shall do nothing of the sort. Is it not 
 enough that I have to wade through (speaking Bap-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 353 
 
 tistically) your periodic homilies on the subject, but 
 I must straightway involve myself in Octavo Appen 
 dices? I attribute your ever-recurring dissertations 
 to some new outcropping of original sin. Whenever 
 you have been guilty of some special worldly enormity 
 you atone for it by a theological thunderstorm, which 
 always bursts on me. Fortunately it could not break 
 on one better able to stand it. I am glad that you 
 are enjoying the ministrations of an able shepherd, 
 and hope it will bring you to a better mind. We, 
 too, are in hopes to secure a trumpeter who will give 
 no uncertain sound, but we are not yet confident. 
 
 I am very glad you liked Camilla s face, for I do not 
 think it eminently calculated to please the populace, 
 so it must depend for suffrage upon the upper classes. 
 
 All your letter was interesting and amusing. I do 
 not in the least wonder that you write such long let 
 ters, for I should do it myself if I only had the time. 
 I think it is very charming business, and I think, too, 
 that you have a peculiar knack at writing letters. 
 They are not exactly letters, and not exactly essays, 
 but a cross between the two. I often find myself 
 lamenting that so much fine writing should be wasted 
 on the desert air. I do my best to prevent it by read 
 ing them to the whole family, and we have many a 
 hearty laugh over them. I assure you I explain all 
 the wickedness out so as to make it as palpable and 
 undisguised as possible, and there is a great deal of 
 wickedness in your letters, Baptist that you are. 
 
 All your civic arrangements for me are very clever, 
 and you are to consider me as bowing a polite thank 
 you, but while I am assiduously cultivating your 
 friends, pray what disposition do you propose to 
 make of my own? While I am "revelling in the
 
 354 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 halls " that you have provided, what shall be my shut 
 sesame to the doors that open to me of their own 
 accord ? I do believe that nothing could satisfy the 
 demand of your benevolence but a regiment of deso 
 late people whom you could furnish with home and 
 heaven (by immersion). You carry out your creed 
 into daily life in the most astonishing manner. You 
 are not content with sprinkling people with your benefi 
 cences : you plunge them in, dip them, submerge 
 them, and hold them under. 
 
 I went to Boston a while ago, and had a charming 
 visit with Mrs. Hawthorne. We live in hopes of the 
 capture of Vicksburg and Port Hudson, and Lee, 
 and all their armies, but God speed the right, anyway ! 
 Isn t it delightful to see the Kilkenny cat-fight over 
 Kiuglake s work ? My sister has been at home and 
 passed a week with a friend. It was pleasant all the 
 while and we enjoyed it much. I took occasion to do 
 up several " odd jobs " of sewing, for I cannot write 
 when there is company in the house. I am promised 
 an English ivy from Kenilworth Castle ; what do you 
 think of that? I think I shall start on my travels 
 the last of this month, or thereabouts, but I have 
 nothing definite arranged. I am just now galloping 
 over the pages of foolscap to be ready to start. As 
 it is, I shall not be able to do all I wished first. 
 Strange how roads lengthen before you, don t they? 
 Oh, if only writing did not interpose between thought 
 and print, but in that case I suppose we should flood 
 the world with balderdash. As it is, writing is a 
 kind of sieve ; to be sure, a good deal of bran gets 
 through, but nothing to what there is on the upper side. 
 Good-by. Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. D.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 355 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., July 14, 1863. 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : Four letters of yours awaited 
 my arrival home. On the twelfth of June I went to 
 Boston, where I spent Saturday, Sunday, and Mon 
 day, went to the gymnasium, shopping, walked out 
 to Roxbury, heard James Freeman Clarke and Edward 
 Everett Hale preach, chime bells, Catholic church, 
 etc. Tuesday I went to Cambridge and visited my 
 relatives. Wednesday my sister and I went to drive 
 in the beautiful suburbs of Boston, Dorchester, 
 Brookline. etc., and indeed I know of no city so set 
 in beauty and taste and culture as Boston. Money 
 seems to have been directed by intelligence and art, 
 and 1 fancied a rebel cavalry charging over those 
 lovely gardens and defacing the beauty. Thursday 
 I went to Concord and stepped till Monday, visiting 
 and visited by the Hawthornes, Emersons, Alcotts, 
 Sanborns, Manns, etc., etc. Boated, drove, walked, 
 went to the old bridge and battle-ground, and gave 
 the tribute of a sigh to the two poor Britons who lie 
 in a foreign grave, dead in an unrighteous cause. 
 Monday I went back to Boston, and out to Hillside, 
 Roxbury, to visit the Dexters, who have a very charm 
 ing house, with the broadest view without, and the 
 finest library within, of any private house I recollect 
 to have seen. Tuesday Mr. Dexter went shopping 
 with me in Boston, and I took a bookcase for litera 
 ture, and a clothes wringer for economy, and with 
 many a parcel aud package went home. On Saturday 
 came a letter from among the mountains, say 
 ing I must go there, and I started on Tuesday, 
 reaching the Alpine House, Gorham, at night, stayed 
 there till next morning, then went with the Lowells 
 to the Glen House, drove up Mt. Washington, visited
 
 356 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 all the curiosities, examined the views at leisure. The 
 next morning we drove to the Glen Ellis Falls, and 
 the Crystal Cascade, looked at them from different 
 points, in the afternoon back to the Alpine House, I 
 on the top of the coach, and we all running a race 
 into, or away from, a thunder shower which met us a 
 few rods from home, but too late to do any harm. 
 Friday morning we took a walk up what here would 
 be quite a mountain, but there was only a hill, and in 
 the afternoon were driven to Berlin Falls, a marvel 
 lous work of nature, but I remember that you are not 
 much interest^ d in mountain scenery. I think, how 
 ever, you could not have helped being interested in 
 that. Saturday and Sunday it rained pretty much 
 all day with intervals of rest, and we had opportunity 
 to watch cloud shif tings and cloud scenery. Monday 
 we drove to Jefferson, some eighteen miles and back, 
 dining at the Waumbeck House, and getting a broad 
 side view of the whole range of mountains. In the 
 evening I took another drive with a friend to the Lead 
 Mine Bridge, some nine miles out and back. Tuesday 
 we all went to Bethel, laid by through the middle-day 
 heat, then were driven to Paradise Hill for a distant 
 view, and after tea all about Bethel and its valleys of 
 delight, fording the Androscoggin, and enjoying to 
 the 1 top of my bent. Wednesday we went up Spar- 
 rovvhawk mountain, and in the afternoon I was driven 
 in an open buggy back to the Alpine House, about 
 twenty-one miles. Thursday morning I came back as 
 far as Newburyport, stopped one night with Mrs. 
 Spalding, came home, stopped till noon, read my 
 letters, one from you, went to Boston and Cambridge, 
 into Boston Saturday morning, a little shopping and 
 proof-correcting, and then back again to Hamilton.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 357 
 
 So you see I have had a quite busy month. I am now 
 laboring under an invitation to make a voyage to 
 Labrador by the captain of the yacht. He takes a 
 party every summer; took out Church when he made 
 his iceberg studies. Bradford goes with him this 
 year. If it were not for my numerous engagements 
 I should be delighted to go. Though I do not quite 
 like to put myself beyond hearing of the ways and 
 doings of my country. We have Vicksburg, and 
 Lee checked, which is much to be thankful for. Of 
 course the war is by no means over, but I think people 
 are getting more and more to look to God with grati 
 tude. While Gettysburg was no decided victory to 
 us, it certainly was a decided repulse to the rebels. 
 So we wait in hope. 
 
 I think you hear the changing events of the day 
 with a very commendable serenity. 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., November 24, 1863. 
 My DEAR MR. WOOD : You have rightly judged 
 that my time has been, and still is, very fully occu 
 pied. Lilly Gillette and my Nantucket friend spent 
 nearly a week with me, and I went to Boston and saw 
 and heard the great organ. I am very glad you were 
 not there, because if you had been, you would just 
 have thrown away your "Future Life," and said, 
 " We have got there." That is, you would have had 
 a perpetual monomania on the subject of music after 
 wards. The organ noise poetical term, is it not ? 
 was to me the soul of might and majesty, of crash 
 and storm, of the ripple of summer brooks, and the 
 softest notes of birds. Sometimes it drowned you,
 
 358 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and sometimes it enchanted you, and withal it is so 
 beautiful that you forget it is large enough to put our 
 whole house into it with a third story built up, and 
 plenty of leeway for a kitchen garden. Charlotte 
 Cushman, who read the ode, was the guest of Mr. F., 
 and I was very glad to see her. She is theatrical, 
 that is, she is unlike other women. She bears down 
 upon a room, she does not enter it. She hurls and 
 waves Shakespeare around us as if it were a banner 
 of triumph. I think she is a woman built on a large 
 scale. However she may have been when she was a 
 baby, I can hardly conceive that she would have been 
 otherwise than trammelled in private life. As it is, 
 I find a peculiar fitness in the magnificent distances of 
 her everyday paths. To spend the winters in Italy, 
 to take trips to America as other people take them to 
 the White Mountains, to look upon the ocean as her 
 common highway, this is appropriate, her very oxygen. 
 The morning she went away she gave to me, as a 
 queen might, a very rich and beautiful scarf. Be 
 pleased to know that it was no flimsy raw silk non 
 sense such as you see in shop windows, but heavy and 
 ribbed, and gorgeous in color, such as might well 
 come from Italian sunsets, woven in the looms of 
 Rafaelle s countrymen. 
 
 The mail which brought me your letter brought me 
 eight others, most of them to be answered. You may 
 fancy that I have somewhat to do even to manage my 
 letters. I finally came to such a pass that I had to 
 write my letters in the evening after people were gone 
 to bed, for when I have company I can really do 
 nothing of the kind, but whatever other people can 
 do, it is very certain I cannot write after nine o clock. 
 It keeps me awake after I do go to bed, and it wakes
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 359 
 
 me at three or four in the morning, and that I cannot 
 stand. 
 
 Among other things I have had applications for all 
 sorts of services. One society wanted me to lect 
 ure ! on some course or other. Several newspapers 
 tempt me to write for them with the most unheard-of 
 liberality. They are getting up a new literary paper 
 in New York, and one of the proprietors came down 
 here. I gave him small encouragement, and after his 
 departure sent him a decided negative. One or two 
 letters have come about it, and to-day he hopes again 
 that I will "not refuse our renewed overtures," and 
 they are unwilling to go to their task of establishing 
 a great weekly paper without my aid and help ! I 
 am sorry. I should like their money (0 temporal 
 
 mores/), but write for them, I cannot. With 
 housekeeping, and teaching, and visiting, and com 
 pany, I have already quite as much as I can attend 
 to. 
 
 Another thing I have been doing that takes much 
 time is having my dress and my mother s and my sister s 
 dresses made. Mine is trimmed with beautiful Malta 
 lace, real, and is very fine. So is my mother s, so 
 is going to be my sister s, and the former has a new 
 bonnet besides. That article in the "Evening Post" 
 was written, I am told, by a namesake of mine, who 
 
 1 suppose branched off from the family a hundred or 
 two years ago. I went to a concert in Salem one 
 evening and could not tell the difference between its 
 singing and that of the finest opera singers. I went 
 there the other night to hear Gough, and laughed away 
 ever so much cobwebby stuff from what brain I 
 have. lie is an actor, a speaker, he tells stories in 
 imitably, and uses his face and his coat-tails unmer-
 
 360 GAIL HAMILTON S LIB^E IN LETTERS 
 
 cif ully ; but for the thought and the expression, I 
 have heard better. 
 
 MY DEAR ALICE : By all the laws of politeness, I 
 should have acknowledged the receipt of your collar 
 before, but the thorns and briers of care and toil have 
 choked down politeness till this time. Now I do ac 
 knowledge it, and I think it s lovely and wonderful, 
 too. How did you know how to make it ? 
 
 We are having lovely rain and charming growth 
 only the canker-worms arc eating up all the apples, 
 and the bugs help themselves to things generally. It 
 has been a cold spring. I have enlarged the borders 
 of my flower-garden, devoting all last year s space to 
 roots and taking about as large a piece to seeds. I 
 drove to Wenham the other day and brought home 
 a panful of pinks and pansies, and other named and 
 unnamed flowers. Mrs. H. gave me a basalt rose 
 bush, which already has three buds on it, also a prairie 
 rose-bush which Brown set out by the front door when 
 father was back in the field somewhere. A gentleman 
 whom I met in Newburyport last summer sent me also 
 from Berkshire County a honeysuckle root and some 
 humming-bird balm. The latter I put in my garden, 
 where it flourishes like a green bay tree. The former I 
 got Dan to stick down by the piazza when father was 
 gone to Uncle Benjamin s. I don t think he has dis 
 covered it yet. It grows famously. We have five 
 tomatoes. I built a conservatory for them, but the 
 wind blew it over and almost crushed one of the toma 
 toes. Corn is up half a foot, I should think. Beets, 
 squashes, and parsnips heaving in sight. Rhubarb 
 climbing over the barrels. Pear-trees set out last 
 year full of buds.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 361 
 
 Uncle B. is very lame with his long-standing rheu 
 matism owing chiefly to his long standing and hard 
 working by laud and by sea, I don t doubt. 
 
 JANUARY 7, 1864. 
 
 I have had a letter from J. S. C. Abbott wants 
 me to write a chapter for his forthcoming second vol 
 ume of " History of the War " on the Emancipation 
 movement to be incorporated into his book. Di 
 rected to Abigail Dodge, so I shall not answer it. 
 Also had a magnificent letter from a captain in the 
 7th Ohio from Chickamauga given to a wounded 
 comrade who was going home for safe carriage. He 
 says : " I do not know whether authors care whether 
 people love them for what they write or not. I do not 
 think on the whole that men do, but you are a woman 
 and 1 trust will listen patiently while I, with cap in 
 hand, speak a word for myself and the brave boys 
 who call me Captain. You can never realize what 
 strength we have found in your strong, womanly 
 pages through these more than two long years. They 
 have been the gleam of sunshine on many a lonely 
 picket post, and beneath the murky sky of many a 
 battle-field. Did you think as you read of the charge 
 along the crest of Lookout Mountain that some of 
 your words went in our hearts up the craggy slope to 
 that Battle in the Clouds ? Did you know that the 
 van of Iron Hooker s bayonets wore a fiercer, 
 sturdier gleam for what you had written? You did 
 not know what friends you were losing as that shat 
 tered, struggling liue toiled up to that pestilent summit. 
 When you read of other volleys and other charges 
 sweeping down still more of the remaining handful of 
 the 7th Ohio, please remember that you lost friends
 
 362 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 in the carnage of that hour, who, though they knew 
 you not, were content to stand at a distance and 
 cherish your name. Pardon this freedom, but deign 
 to accept this trifle from the grateful hearts of the 7th 
 Ohio." Also a letter from some unknown man in 
 R.I., who says he wanted to say how much he liked 
 "My book." v lt is so cheerful on the surface and 
 so serious in the depths, so replete with outward con 
 fidence and inward diffidence, so defiant in word and 
 so supplicatory at heart, in short so altogether wom 
 anly, as to attract one s best angels to him as he reads, 
 and make him feel a sense of something astir in you 
 better and deeper even than genius." It is from a 
 "tedious old man," as he calls himself; does not ex 
 pect me to read it now, but lay it aside for ten or 
 twenty years hence. It is three sheets full of warn 
 ing, advice, love, and consolation, and one of the 
 nicest letters I have had, besides being very able, but 
 he gives no name. 
 
 A new story told me the first time to-night. A Mr. 
 Whitney happened to be in Havana, and at a hotel 
 heard some American talking about G. H., one of them 
 owning the book and having lent it around. They 
 were quite full of enthusiasm one old lady in par 
 ticular, who thought it was very much to a young gen 
 tleman s credit that he should own such a book, and 
 then they fell to discussing the author, who, it seems, 
 was a young lady in New Hampshire. After it was 
 well settled, "Whitney from Salem told them who it 
 was, and that he knew the author s friends and so was 
 authority, etc., etc. I proceed now to cap the climax 
 and leave the subject. The Backside sewing society, 
 nobly emulous of Over-the-River s literary resources, 
 have procured a library. It is somewhat limited at
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 363 
 
 present, but quality atones for quantity. Its present 
 list numbers two books "Country Living and 
 Thinking," "Memoirs of Daniel Safford." You see 
 they go on the correct principle of fostering native 
 talent. Mother was a little startled last night to find 
 that she had turned the whole dipperful of gravy into 
 the teapot, but it doesn t make much difference if you 
 only think so. Good night. My energies just now 
 are largely devoted to purloining pork for the cats, in 
 which I have been so successful that the elder had a 
 very bad fit of indigestion this afternoon and lost 
 her supper. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 JANUARY, 1864. 
 
 You challenge me on the subject of Sundays, so I 
 will lay down my platform. If soldiers were freezing 
 I would knit stockings for them on Sunday evening, 
 while the frost lasted, no longer. I would not make 
 a practice of it. At the same time, I don t say it is 
 wicked for other people to do it. Christ overturned 
 the Jewish Sabbath, and as far as I can see left the 
 Christian Sabbath to every one s conscience, guided 
 by indirect lights. For me, I have not the smallest 
 difficulty in disposing of my "long Sabbaths." My 
 only trouble is that they are not long enough. I go 
 to church in the morning and have a Sunday-school 
 class afterwards, and the rest of the day is my own, 
 and I crush all the juices out of it, the afternoon and 
 the sunset and the evening, the perfect rest and quiet. 
 It is intense delight. I am alone, with nothing to do, 
 and I revel in it. Do you know, I do not need happi 
 ness to be happy, but only that one should stand out 
 of my sunshine? If I am just not fretted, I can man-
 
 364 CiAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 age the rest. But you talk of calls and letters. What, 
 then, is the good of your Sunday ? Why is it not just 
 like any other day ? On Sunday I want peace to flow 
 in like a river with no counter-currents and not even 
 the cleft of a keel. I wish every day were longer, 
 but Sunday most of all. I wish we could have sum 
 mer days crowned with winter nights. Night is the 
 only tolerable part of the winter. If I were rich I 
 would create winter evenings a room hung with 
 
 O O 
 
 purple draperies, heavy and rich, and sweeping the 
 floor, falling in lines and broken curves, and filling 
 the air with dusk} shadows, and the red sunset should 
 come in and meet the red fire-glow, and when the sun 
 set deepened into twilight there should be none of 
 your flickering, glaring gaslight, always exploding or 
 leaking, or something, but a golden globe like the sun 
 shaded into soft tints that touch everything with a 
 glow shining upon nothing, but making all things 
 seem self-luminous, smothering a hidden flame. Shall 
 I go on ? I hope you are reading this in open court, 
 that all things may be in harmony. But don t think 
 I am latitudinarian in respect of Sunday. I am not. 
 I only think we are to go according to the New Tes 
 tament, and not according to the old. How much 
 there is to say about everything, isn t there? And 
 after you have said it all, which I never did ! how 
 fragmentary is the view, and how you have left out 
 all the important parts and sprawled over the trivial ! 
 You means me in this case. I wonder if sprawled is 
 an admissible word. If it is not, it ought to be. 
 Anyway, it is in Why do you speak of Lowell s 
 Johnsoniivu English? What was language given for 
 but to conceal ideas? Your " bushel of words" is a 
 necessary part of the mind s furniture before it can
 
 BUSY YEARS IX HAMILTON 365 
 
 set up housekeeping. Did Eve never eat the apple 
 that people can see ideas god-like erect in native 
 honor clad and not be ashamed? Of " Sir Launfal " 
 I have but a hazy memory, but do you not find there 
 "a day in June, .... then heaven tries the earth, 
 if it be in tune," etc.? I have a vogue memory of a 
 dancing, lilting measure. " Lilting" is Harriet Pres- 
 cott s word. But I saw it and liked it, and took it. 
 
 If you have come to the conclusion that you don t 
 know what you think of me you have reached the 
 goal, and I do not see anything to prevent us from 
 living happily ever after. Not that I am harder to 
 understand than others, or that you are slower at 
 understanding, but every human being is individual, 
 and the first step towards an interpretation, or even a 
 peaceful position, is a recognition of this fact. It is 
 a terrible fact. It often appalls me. It seems to me 
 dreadful to live in solitude and die unknown, to touch 
 your kind only as a water-drop touches the hot iron 
 on which it rolls about, with perpetual intervention. 
 The consolation is, apart from the fact that God 
 pierces through and comprehends all, that there may 
 be those who know you through their imagination, 
 their magnetism. They recognize you not by sight, 
 but touch, as the needle turns to the pole it will 
 never see, by some mysterious current which it obeys 
 unconsciously. I mean something, but I am not sure 
 I have dug it out and brought it to the surface, and 
 in letters you are not bound to be lucid. 
 
 I read your discourse upon " Charitableness and 
 Charity," with illustrations drawn from life, with 
 becoming meekness, but disdain your imputations of 
 a lack of the former. I am willing to attribute to 
 myself all manner of deficiencies in a general way,
 
 366 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 but when you come down to concrete things, you will 
 find that I shall predicate of myself every virtue. 
 But, seriously, I do not think you would find me 
 uncharitable. I do not know that there are not a 
 certain class of qualities for which can be found no 
 forgiveness, but I have too much need of forbearance 
 myself to be chary of it towards others. Moreover, 
 I know that there are so many circumstances which 
 bear upon every deed, and which are entirely elusive, 
 that I am loth to judge unkindly ; at least I think so, 
 but maybe I am wrong, for our ignorance of others is 
 only equalled by ignorance of ourselves. It is not 
 quite true that I think of you only externally ; though 
 it is true that that is all I know, but not all of which 
 I thought. It was just because I did not know " what 
 I should get in exchange " that I was shy of making 
 the experiment. And it is this hidden part alone that 
 gives one a firm footing or a treacherous Chat-Moss. 
 But do not frighten me or attempt it. I am rather 
 apt to take things literally, and I believe I have much 
 faith in you. If I may not have, then I care for you 
 not at all. It is weak to look for perfection, but it is 
 wise and it alone is wise to look for aspiration, 
 though that sounds sentimental. Nevertheless, that 
 which may perhaps be sometimes and by certain peo 
 ple called sentimental, is the best. A man may and 
 must be dust-covered in the work-ways of his life, 
 but if he has not a love of cleanliness, and an under 
 lying purity, he is unworthy. Behind all the tangled 
 undergrowth of the woods must be no morass, but a 
 little lake smiling in the sunshine. I do not care how 
 elegant, or how learned, or how pious, man or woman 
 may be, if you cannot be sure that when you strike 
 down you will come to clear water, that however
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 367 
 
 remote the metal may be, when you do smite, it rings 
 back to you, clear sound for clear sound there is 
 nothing. If this exists, one can forgive much. 
 
 Seeing the " chambered nautilus" is tossing around 
 the ocean, can he harden his shell too much? Think 
 what a bruised appearance he would make if he 
 became soft as putty and were flatted and dented at 
 every collision ! To be sure, he runs a greater risk of 
 being broken, but it is better to be broken than to be 
 beaten out of shape. I like your house nestled in its 
 "sunny spot of greenery," but you live in a settled 
 country where the law gives protection to life and 
 property. If you were in a wild district where gueril 
 las and mad huntsmen rave, you might find your 
 account in building, after old Jewish fashions, brown, 
 battered, dingy old houses, stricken with poverty and 
 desolation ; but, climbing up through the crazy stair 
 case and passing through bare halls, you, being a 
 friend, are admitted to the inner room where dia 
 monds are heaped, and marble fountains gurgle rose- 
 water, and the air vibrates with celestial harmonies. 
 
 I am afraid from what I said a while ago, you may 
 think I set up a higher standard than other people. I 
 do not. I do not suppose there is a fault or a weak 
 ness anywhere about in which I do not share, but as 
 that queen of women, Mrs. Browning, says, I " seek 
 to love high though I live thus low," and I do not 
 wish to have anything to do with people who do not 
 love high and try to live high too. 
 
 JANUARY 30, 1864. 
 
 What a wonderful thing is the imagination ! All 
 this lovely soft weather we have been having was as 
 sweet as spring, but it gave me no spring sweetness.
 
 368 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 So like the spring, it was yet entirely unlike it. 
 Spring always seems to open heaven to me. It hints 
 all manner of hidden depths and half-revealed possi 
 bilities, and ue\v creations. It is vague, and dreamy, 
 and eternal. Nothing in the fulness of summer, 
 though I love summer, so speaks of immortality and 
 the highest happiness as the tenderness of the early 
 spring beauty budding from grayuess and roughness, 
 just as delicate as the sky. But under all this wintry 
 warmth lay the feeling of winter and not of warmth 
 I do not mind a cold day in March or April, but a 
 May-day in January will not, I know, bring may- 
 flowers. Nevertheless, I love it too and wish I lived 
 in the Bermudas is it ? where they have perpetual 
 spring. And now it is cold and a snow-storm, and 
 spring is indefinitely postponed. 
 
 I always find it easy to believe agreeable things. 
 When people say they like me, it seems so natural 
 that they should like me that I have not the smallest 
 hesitation in giving them full credence. If they say 
 they do not like me I always think it is prejudice, or 
 they do not know me, or something. It is an agree 
 able frame of mind to be in, is it not ? 
 
 Call together your surveyors and lay out twenty 
 roads, if you will, according to the truest mathe 
 matical principles, but on a warm June morning you 
 will take a short cut across lots, and despise them all. 
 It is better to brush the dew from the clover, and find 
 the ground-sparrows nest, and hear the rustling of 
 the corn, than to walk in the Appiau way. Speaking 
 of the Appian way as a road, you know, not as a ro 
 mance. So don t just go and make up your mind that 
 you will not like me, because, when you are fairly 
 and firmly settled in that conclusion, I shall start up
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 369 
 
 all of a sudden, and you will find it like one of 
 Thackeray s, or somebody s, closing chapters, " The 
 Conclusion, in which nothing is concluded." Never 
 theless, there is a beauty in the law. Among all the 
 mischief with, which Satan supplied my idle hands, I 
 once read a law-book Warren s something and I 
 blush to acknowledge I found it very interesting. It 
 seemed to me as if the theory of the law was almost 
 an exact science. But practice of the law for all man 
 ner of rogues is a very different thing. I read 
 " Charles Auchester " two days ago, and that made me 
 extremely dissatisfied and uncomfortable. I could 
 not abide the thought of corning down from the 
 musical heavens and go to blasting rocks again. But 
 when you think of it, blasting rocks is very good 
 work. The fragments may become polished stones in 
 the temple of beauty, find the earth that was rocky 
 and sterile may be smoothed and wave in many a 
 wheat field, or smile with flowers and nourish bird and 
 bee. The bees will not thank me for their honey, nor 
 the flowers for their fragrance, but by so much the 
 world will be the richer. Not that I am impelled by 
 so abstract a motive. On the contrary, I blast rocks 
 because I have a natural tendency to gunpowder, and 
 for so many shillings a day, still the benificence of 
 the thing does not make the work less welcome. And 
 last night I was really glad not to be happy. There 
 is so much suffering in the world that you cannot help 
 that it seems to be a kind of pleasure to suffer with 
 them. I should be afraid to be happy. I don t mean 
 happy exactly, either, for I am happy as far as that 
 goes, but I mean satisfied, and that I am indeed not. 
 There are ever and ever so many things to enjoy, but 
 to be satisfied is another tiling. The happiest thing of
 
 370 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 all is that we are so inwardly self-sufficient. I sup 
 pose it is the dissimilarity between the outward and 
 inward world that makes friction, but it would be a 
 bane and no blessing to have the friction removed by 
 bringing the inner down to the level of the outer. If 
 you were a mere lawyer and had no higher ambition 
 than to gain cases, you might be a more contented 
 man but not happier. I think it is only the surplusage 
 of people that I care for.* People who are just ade 
 quate to their circumstances, just worth their weight 
 in bread and butter, are very comfortable, and often 
 agreeable and convenient for especial occasions, but 
 you would never dream of writing them letters, 
 though you may send them regularly printed bulletins. 
 But nobody and nothing, not even courts and blasting 
 rocks, can take you away from yourself. It is all 
 noise and dust and confusion, but you have only to 
 walk home and the sunset opens to let you in, and to 
 all things unlovely and angular you may say, Shut, 
 Sesame ! You are monarch of all } - ou survey, and all 
 the things your life has missed, and all it has ever 
 lost, come to you. Dreams are facts, and possibili 
 ties are every-day life, and every-day life is the King 
 dom of God, which is a Bible truth, because the Bible 
 says it is within you. Now do you not see it is of no 
 consequence to be rich? because no money can buy 
 you a farm in the Delectable Laud, and for all your 
 agricultural tastes, real estate is of more value there 
 than anywhere else, though I don t object to farming 
 if one has plenty of money. There, you see, is where 
 money is necessary. 
 
 I have a word or two to say regarding Longfellow- 
 islmess. Did you ever know two sweeter poems than 
 " The Children s Hour," and " Weariness " ? Now
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 371 
 
 when you say sweeping bad things, put in the twinkl 
 ing good things too, and L. is surely a musical poet. 
 He sings well, and he is a good man. And do not 
 swear about Kenan. There is not half so much 
 blasphemy in him as there is in some of our good 
 D.D. s and I am Orthodox and can say that. By 
 the way, did you observe the different tone assumed 
 by the " N. A. Review" towards Renan and Alger 
 on the one side, and Gillett on the other? Reuan and 
 A. were tenderly admonished, and poor Gillett was 
 vigorously demolished. I think I am not sectarian, 
 if I am, I do not know concerning which sect, but, 
 I despise the bigotry that can consort with an educa 
 tion sufficient to edit the " N. A. Review," and smile 
 at the wildest errors of its own sect, while it squints 
 fearfully at the slips of another. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 FEBRUARY 9, 1864. 
 
 I see that I am to be handed down to immortality 
 in the guise of reading-books. I am incorporated 
 into a series of some sort of practical readers, but of 
 what selection is made I am ignorant. Don t laugh 
 at my Stumbling Blocks and don t expect me to give 
 up my iconoclasm because the world persists in bow 
 ing down to false gods, and don t lose faith, though 
 my mother since hearing of your dissipation at 
 parties thinks you have not much faith to lose ! 
 
 My father has been long ill, and my hands are 
 quite full. My brothers and their wives, one or more, 
 are here nearly all the time. My mother and I are 
 alone with him to-night. Though I have not the 
 quiet and leisure to write letters, I can very easily
 
 372 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTP:ilS 
 
 manage to read them, so pi ay do your port towards 
 benefiting the world, by constituting yourself a private 
 Christian Commission and furnishing the Hamilton 
 hospital with suitable reading. Nothing but original 
 matter is needed. 
 
 [To MR. FRENCH.] 
 
 FEBRUARY 10. 
 
 I like to write letters. I believe it is a weakness 
 and I unfortunately have all the foibles of my own 
 sex, and all the faults of yours, but still I like to 
 write letters and especially I like to write where there 
 is a little unexplored ground. There is no particular 
 exhilaration in walking down and up and up and 
 down the same gravel path, though it may be tamely 
 pleasant if it is not also a covered way, and even 
 then there is a degree of enjoyment in the mere 
 motion, but it is a great deal nicer to go down a lane 
 where you have never been and know not whence it 
 came nor whither it leads, but only know you struck 
 into it all of a sudden, and will perhaps strike out 
 again just as suddenly but meanwhile the apple 
 trees are all abloom, and the gray walls green and 
 graceful with swaying vines and vocal with tiny life. 
 I am not deceived for all the blue sky and splendid 
 sun. I know there are snow-banks underneath, but 
 I know something more than this which makes me 
 happy, that violets and anemones and blood-root and 
 spring-beauties are under the snow. You are mis 
 sionary ground and you must be converted. What, 
 are you better than the Emperor Aurelius? You 
 talk of the past as if it held the elixir of life, and 
 of the future as if it had no certain treasure in its 
 bosom. For me, I am not sure of the past, but if
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 373 
 
 there is any present I am sure of the future. Life 
 is not made up of this spring, or next summer, or 
 last winter. Life is one. Next spring is only a 
 lifting up of the fair and fragrant spring that under 
 lies all life, lifting itself up above the snows and frosts 
 which have overgrown it but can never crush it, and 
 will finally die away in the sunshine that never dies. 
 Winter is not " just as good," and never will be, 
 and you know it. Even if you are shut up in a city, 
 the very knowledge that the " birds are singing else 
 where " is an unspeakable blessing. It is not the 
 music that you hear, but the songs that sing them 
 selves in your heart that make the melody of life. 
 When I am ready to fly out with impatience of the 
 clang of tin pans and iron kettles it is just those 
 otherwhere singing-birds that make it all tolerable, 
 for I know that somewhere, somewhere, there must be 
 a land where pans and kettles are unknown, and the 
 robins have it all their own way, and there I mean 
 one day to pitch my tent. I shall feel just so at 
 fifty. What difference will it make? It is not an 
 other but only the fiftieth part of the same spring. 
 If God only gives me health and independence there 
 never will, I think there never can come a time when 
 I shall not grow green and tender and fresh and 
 happy with the leaves ! Memories are nothing. That 
 which has been is nothing to that which shall be. 
 One of the few things I don t know, and cannot 
 understand is, why evil is let run wild in the world. 
 I can understand why it should be let in, but not why 
 it should be let loose. 
 
 I want you to feel confident of the future. Don t 
 suppose that I don t think you are a good Christian, 
 but I want you to feel that the one thing real is not
 
 374 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the past, but the future. Do not tell me that is a 
 matter of years. I am old enough to have had every 
 experience under the sun, and I have had most of them, 
 and what I have not felt in myself I have felt in 
 others, so it is all the same. One way or another I 
 rather think I have felt pretty much all there is to feel, 
 and though Orion and the Pleiades shine brightly in 
 the past, they will pale their ineffectual fires before 
 the splendors of the far future. The Delectable Land 
 is not indefinite. It is my home. It is there only 
 that I shall be really myself. What am I here? 
 Hair and hands and circumstance, a merino dress and 
 a broom and a frying-pan, which things I hate, and a 
 small residuum of me. And you ask me Avhat I shall 
 care for iu the spirit-land ! Ask me what I care for 
 here ! There I shall have all beautiful things and I 
 shall be beautiful. No conceptions can equal the glory 
 that shall be. Music and poetry and painting help 
 us, I suppose, to lay hold on the skirts of that glory, 
 but it is only the fringe of the garment that we grasp. 
 Why, this life is beautiful only so far as it is trans 
 parent and lets the other life shine through. Think 
 of going into a world where the brooms and the 
 dusters and the court-room crowds fall off from you, 
 and nothing is left but that which is truly your ownest 
 self. I don t want any new senses in Heaven, that 
 is, I shall not clamor for them. I am contented with 
 those I have. I can get all the pleasure I want 
 through them, of that kind. In fact, if two or three 
 things could be altered I think this world would make 
 a very good Heaven as it is, but because the two or 
 three things cannot be altered my principle is just do 
 what has to be done here, and in the next world we 
 shall perhaps be a step or two higher. If you are
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 375 
 
 good and I am good, perhaps on some " Heaven- 
 kissiug hill" we shall talk this matter over and you 
 will see how wrong and Pagan you are, and how right 
 and Christian I and because you will then be good 
 and have lost all your pride and vain-glory you will 
 not mind admitting your error, and because I shall 
 then be myself because the little speck of me, which 
 is all I care for here, will have expanded there and 
 become everything that is me, I shall not have the 
 smallest difficulty in expressing my opinions and shall 
 talk you blind the first evening, for I fancy it will be 
 always sunset there. We shall be at work in the 
 morning, but shall have glorious evenings, and we 
 shall be so good ourselves that the sunsets will not 
 reproach us. Think of yourself with every wicked 
 wish and passion and purpose melted away, and 
 nothing left but pure gold. I am so accustomed to 
 be alone that I am always entertaining company to 
 myself, and if you should not care to take a walk with 
 me I shoukl be quite happy to take the walk by my 
 self, and instead of talking to you I should talk with 
 the brooks and the birds, who are never tired, or at 
 least have no tongues to say so, which is just as well. 
 At the same time there are advantages in a human 
 companion sometimes, and I consider it very kind and 
 courteous in you to let me write to you, only I do not 
 wish to go too far and turn an act of courtesy and of 
 pleasure into an act of forbearance. Rude behavior, 
 rudeness of manners, moral rudeness, I abhor with 
 my whole soul as the next thing to sin and sometimes 
 sin itself. I want every good and happy thing to 
 come to this country and build it up in the nurture 
 and admonition of the Lord. You always seem to 
 say easily everything you have to say which must
 
 376 OAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 be very charming and yet very likely may be only 
 your style, and you do not mind the bits you give for 
 the ingots of gold that it pains you to be forced to 
 leave behind. 
 
 FEBRUARY 16. 
 
 I can see very well that you are laughing at me, 
 which is very just, for I can easily believe I wrote 
 what deserved to be laughed at, at least if I did under 
 take to give a definite idea of Heaven. In fact, the 
 fault I find with all the books I ever read on that sub 
 ject is that they are definite, when I think it should 
 be left to revelation and imagination. I do not call 
 you a Pagan because you cannot see what is invisible, 
 but because not seeing you will not believe, and so 
 will not be blessed. You lack faith, which is the 
 evidence of things not seen. I know no more than 
 you what lies in store for us in the future, but when 
 God declares that it is something so beautiful, so 
 glorious, as never to have entered into the heart of 
 man, I take Him at His word. What do I do then? 
 I conceive the very highest that I can and rest on 
 that. I cannot think what Heaven is, but I can take 
 out of the earth everything that loveth and maketh a 
 lie, everything that defiles, everything that is dis 
 agreeable. I paint it in all the colors of the sunset, 
 and breathe upon it the fragrance of the summer, and 
 people it with all the great and good and wise and 
 witty and charming people people who never mis 
 understand you and are not selfish and that is not 
 Heaven no when I enter Heaven if through God s 
 goodness I do enter it, I shall be disappointed, but it 
 will be because Heaven is so much more grand and 
 delightful than the poor little weak notions I had
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 377 
 
 formed of it on earth. I do not believe God holds 
 out to us hopes which he never intends to fulfil, and 
 so I make the most of every pleasure here, but with 
 the happy feeling underneath that the pleasure is only 
 a faint foretaste of the joys that shall be. Not a 
 lily-of-the-valley, not a bird upon the tree, not the 
 ripple of a brook but has somewhat to say of Heaven. 
 You say that we shall neither marry nor be given in 
 marriage. So Christ said, but He added that we 
 should be as the angels in Heaven, and that I have no 
 doubt is something infinitely better. What is marriage 
 here? A little speck of honey in a hogshead of 
 vinegar. But in Heaven there will be something of 
 which earth-marriage is a type, but which will be all 
 honey and no vinegar. You may depend upon it 
 there is something in Heaven which corresponds to 
 marriage because that which alone gives marriage 
 vitality and worth, that alone which lifts it above the 
 earth is a need, an element of the soul, and if the soul 
 dies not, its elements cannot die. You would not be 
 yourself without your memory. You do not marry 
 on account of your memory, but that thing which you 
 do marry on account of is as essential to your identity 
 as your memory. If there is one thing I cannot abide 
 it is settling down into anything. Do you know the 
 great trouble is that people "marry and settle." 
 They would better be hung. " Settle " is just another 
 word for growing set and crusty and routincy. When 
 you have levelled one forest turn to fresh woods and 
 pastures new. Cultivate the soil till you have ex 
 hausted its possibilities. I do not believe in exhaust 
 ing them anyway. We often think we have when we 
 have not. It is our own slight farming, not the field, 
 that is exhausted, and we often think we have
 
 378 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 fathomed our friends when it is that our short Hues 
 have given out, not that we have touched bottom. 
 Every human soul is infinite aud you cannot settle 
 down with it if you have any appreciation of it. If 
 you have but eyes to sec you will always be making 
 new discoveries. 
 
 I do not live in a nest, I live in a cave, and my 
 present busy-ness is, and has long been, to repair a 
 breach in a wall that was made some forty odd years 
 ago, and of which, of course, I must be entirely 
 innocent. The nuts and blackberries are very good, the 
 squirrels and ground-mice are my companions, and 
 birds in their summer rambles. We understand each 
 other well. The trees have much to say to me, and 
 the hills and I have a fellow-feeling. My amuse 
 ment is to go up to the fence and peep through. 
 
 " God s own profound 
 Is above me, and round me the mountains, 
 
 And under the sea 
 And within me my heart to bear witness 
 
 What was and shall be." 
 
 If you ask twenty people who live right around me 
 not one of them will tell you this I alone know it. 
 People often irritate me because they think I am in 
 the world, and they want me to do this and that 
 and the other, which would be quite the thing to do, 
 if I were indeed in the world, but they never see that 
 I am not. I should like to be there. I look with 
 pleasure on the people who are there. I think I 
 should have done somewhat if 1 had been there, but 
 I was born in the cave, and all I cnn do is to work 
 from it, and do the best I can in it. 1 think I can do 
 more for other people there than I could if I stood
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 379 
 
 with them in the world, and that, I suppose, is the 
 reason I was born there, but for myself directly I 
 cannot do overmuch in the grotto. You have mapped 
 out only, here and there, an island in your life, but I 
 am good in geography, and I can draw you the coast 
 lines of your continents, and I see only a fair and 
 fruitful land. 
 
 You wonder who sees your letters, I do not wonder 
 who sees mine. I trust you entirely. When I write 
 to people, T commend myself entirely to their dis 
 cretion except in specific instances when they have no 
 data to reason from, and then I say, " Do not men 
 tion this to anyone," but in usual cases I assume that 
 the person to whom I think it worth while to write, is 
 a person of suflicient discrimination to know what to 
 do with my letters. I make no stipulations, and if I 
 should be mistaken, and you should make an un 
 worthy use of my confidence, I might be angry with 
 you, but the fault would primarily be my own, for not 
 having sagacity enough to discover your real char- 
 actor. I know my own surroundings, you know 
 yours. I know the persons who are sympathetic, so 
 do you. I am perfectly certain that you will not dis 
 close anything of mine where it will be unnaturally 
 done, and if it were necessary for me to say to you, 
 do not show this to such an one or other, I should not 
 write to you at all. You are at liberty to do what 
 ever you will with my letters, guided only by your own 
 sense of propriety and honor and delicacy, if indeed, 
 they are not all one. It is perhaps too much to ask, 
 that you shall have the same confidence in me as T 
 have probably given you no grounds for it yet 
 there is nothing else to trust to.
 
 380 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To MR. WHITTIER.] 
 
 FEBRUARY 27, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : I am very glad I did not write 
 you the letter I have been going to write you for two 
 or three days, because now your letter is the spon 
 taneous growth of the soil, and shows that you do 
 think of me sometimes with malice aforethought. 
 
 Lilly wrote me that your sister was not well, but 
 it is very sad that one must go to Connecticut to hear 
 from one s neighbors, though I should not in the least 
 mind going to the Rocky Mountains to hear that she 
 was well. I would go straight over to you this after 
 noon, if it were not that my father is quite ill, and it 
 is necessary that I should be at home. He has not 
 been well for a long time, but last night in the night 
 we thought him rather worse. This morning he is up 
 and seems comfortable. 
 
 I have much confidence in the spring, if we can 
 only get over a few weeks now and there is always 
 healing in its wings. 
 
 Good-by, you dear peoples you 
 
 from Me. 
 
 MARCH 2, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : Both your letters have 
 reached me, but the continued and increasing illness 
 of my father has prevented, and still continues to 
 prevent, a satisfactory reply. He is now confined 
 almost entirely to his bed and is very weak. We have 
 secured a nurse. He seems to have no violent disease, 
 but suffers from a general debility. I do not know 
 when the book will appear, but you will probably 
 have as early a copy as may be. Do not, however,
 
 BUSY YP:ARS IN HAMILTON 
 
 let your expectations be greatly raised. The most 
 plentiful the book will reap will undoubtedly be dis 
 approbation, lurching sometimes into contemptuous 
 pity and sometimes into unsparing abuse. It is not 
 heterodox enough for the heterodox, and orthodox 
 enough for the Orthodox. 
 
 I thought you would choose a note rather than no 
 letter, and have therefore written. Believe me, 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 [ To MR. WHITTIER.J 
 
 HAMILTON, March 5, 1864. 
 
 DEAR FRIENDS : My father died yesterday at 
 twelve o clock without pain or struggle. He only 
 ceased to breathe. My visit will of course be post 
 poned. The funeral will be on Monday at two o clock. 
 He was seventy-six years old on the seventh of Febru 
 ary. He looks pure and peaceful, and dying seems to 
 me less terrible. 
 
 Yours very affectionately, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 Oh, what a mystery is all this life and death ! What 
 is it that lies beyond ? Why does a man die ? What 
 has the future ? We are born into the world and we 
 die out of the world, and what is it all? 
 
 We buried my father on Monday, not in the tomb 
 of his ancestors, which is already crowded with its 
 silent population, but in a grave in the southerly part 
 of the churchyard under the shade of a young ever 
 green. I went there the other afternoon, and it was 
 very pleasant and sunshiny. 
 
 Of the thirteen members of my father s brother-
 
 382 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ami-sisterhood, only one brother remains. They all 
 lived to be married, and till the youngest was past 
 eighteen. My grandmother died at ninety-four. 
 There are no grandsons in the county, and the place 
 that has known my family for centuries will soon 
 know it no more. 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., March 13, 1864. 
 MR. JAMES : 
 
 DEAH SIK : Ou the second day of last January I 
 received a very pleasant and very valuable letter from 
 some one who did not give his name. Yesterday I read 
 -a book, " Substance and Shadow," and I am almost 
 certain the writer of my letter and the writer of that 
 book are one and the same person. I hope you will 
 not think I am trying to discover what you do not 
 wish me to know, but the letter was so kind that J did 
 want to thank the writer, and this book is so much 
 like it that I am sure you are the one, and so I cannot 
 help thanking you. Jf you do not remember writing 
 such a letter perhaps you did it in a dream, but it 
 must have been you. Your book interested me 
 intensely. I have not quite finished it. There are 
 parts which I do not understand, and parts which 
 quite take my breath away, and places where I think 
 if I could get access to your writing-table, I should 
 watch when you went out and then steal in and draw 
 my pen through a sentence or two. You would of 
 cour.se be very angry when you saw yourself printed 
 with all my erasures, but I should only laugh in your 
 face and you would soon grow amiable again and con 
 fess that I was right. But for all a few trap inter 
 ruptions, one feels that he is walking over a stratum 
 of solid, primitive, granite truth, and he acquires 
 strength from the tread.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 383 
 
 I am trying to work a little in your kingdom, but 
 with so much less of power and insight that it seems 
 almost presumptuous to think of myself as a worker 
 at all. Yet some may receive a little illumination 
 from my flickering candle who would be dazzled blind 
 by your flood of sunshine. People may be benefited 
 by fragments of truth when they are not strong 
 enough to accept a system of truth. 
 
 Do forgive me for this letter if you are not the one. 
 I can thank you for the book, you know, anyway. 
 And if you are the one, I thank you for the letter 
 more than I can tell. 
 
 Most truly and gratefully yours, 
 
 MARY ABBY DODGE. 
 
 MARCH 23, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR SIR : Friend, I was going to say, but 
 perhaps after reading this letter you will be less dis 
 posed to assume such a name, so I fall back on the 
 safe generalization. 
 
 Your letter was very good and kind, and gave me 
 much pleasure, but I am afraid I must have deceived 
 you in some way, though nothing was farther from 
 my intention. I finished your book last Sunday and 
 was most deeply and almost painfully convinced of 
 the infinite distance between us. Your letter only 
 made the difference more obvious, but not more 
 actual. When I expressed to you my satisfaction in 
 your book, I did not mean, in the least, to put myself 
 on a level with you or to give the smallest intimation 
 that might lead you to suppose -that I was capable of 
 " intellectual sympathy " with you. It was only your 
 letter that made me venture to write at all. I may
 
 384 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 have " intellectual maturity," but it is the maturity of 
 the violet which, at most, is slender and short-lived, 
 and not that of the elm, deep-rooted, and outlasting 
 generations. The violet is not without its uses, you 
 know, but it won t do the elm any good. I wish I 
 could understand your book, for I know that it is some 
 what, but no preface can explain it to me, because 
 the obscurity lies in my brain and not in your sen 
 tences. I never was equal to metaphysics. I like its 
 results, but I do not like its processes. I can see but 
 not share your delight. Kant, and Schlegel, and Sir 
 William Hamilton, are nothing to me. I cannot bring 
 myself to be interested in their theories, but you gird 
 at them with true knightly ardor. I cannot tell that 
 they are wrong, because I do not know what is right. 
 Now do not cast me off entirely. My frankness 
 ought to commend me a little to your good graces. 
 And indeed I am not wholly given over to intellectual 
 fatuity. There are portions of your book that I do 
 thoroughly take in, and subscribe to, with all my 
 heart and soul. I recognize them, not as true, but as 
 a part of the eternal truth of the universe funda 
 mental and unchangeable. I rest in it with the deep 
 est satisfaction. And that makes me all the more 
 sorry that I do not comprehend the whole, or do not 
 comprehend it clearly or accurately enough to be at 
 one with it. I think after a while I shall read the 
 book again and maybe, you know, I shall have 
 grown nearer to it. One grows so much in a short 
 time. 
 
 You see I only look at things on the surface. That 
 is my weakness. My strength is that I see them as 
 they are, and not as tradition, or prejudice, or popu 
 lar opinion, represents them. Anything that the sun
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 385 
 
 shines upon and the wind breathes upon is in my 
 domain. You go delving down among the roots of 
 things, into the subterranean caverns where thoughts 
 are made. I cannot go there with 3 7 ou, but when you 
 come out I find I stand on the same ground where you 
 have planted yourself. That on the one hand gives 
 me confidence in the right line of your unseen, under 
 ground motion. How came I not only to acquiesce 
 but exult in your assertions, if I were not in some 
 measure capable of understanding their import and 
 their necessity? You speak of " Mill on Liberty," a 
 book that I read with an unutterable inward solid 
 satisfaction, something deeper than delight, as deep 
 as peace. Do you not see that I must respect myself 
 the more for enjoying what Mill writes, and you write 
 up? So with a perfect consciousness of what a reed 
 I am to lean on, I yet contrive to gather a little con 
 tent from various sources. As a staff I am nothing, 
 but perhaps I can make a little music. 
 
 Though I do not wish you to think of me any better 
 than I deserve, neither do I wish you to think of me 
 any worse. Fumbling blindly at your palace-door, I 
 am not entirely sure that there is any me. 
 
 If after all this confession you still care to know 
 my thoughts, I will, with your permission, send you 
 a book which will soon be published by Ticknor & 
 Fields. It is only a fragmentary thing all my 
 things are fragmentary. But travelling my by-ways 
 I occasionally strike into your highway, and there I 
 think you will reach out your hand in friendly greet 
 ing. You must remember, too, that I had a different 
 starting-point from you. I set out from a low-land, 
 rather boggy, thickly tangled, densely peopled, and 
 overhung with dark, low clouds. You, I suspect,
 
 386 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 began on a broad and sterile plain, harder to live on 
 than mine, but easier to leave. I am not nearly so 
 far up the mountain-side as you, but it is much that I 
 am even at the mountain s base. Of one thing I am 
 sure, we are one in "the great humane drift of our 
 thought." I am in no danger of letting that be 
 obscured, for it was that which drew me to the 
 book. You will do your great; I shall do my little. 
 I shall whisk off a few thistle-heads with my stick ; 
 you will bend your Atlas shoulders under the vine 
 yard and lift it up into the sunshine but both to 
 the same end that wine may be borne to parched 
 lips. 
 
 I feel very sadly that this is not at all such a letter 
 as you crave, and as I fear you look to receive, but 
 if the great boon of your life is to be found in giving, 
 you have still the best of authority for calling your 
 self most blessed. 
 
 I am very truly and gratefully yours, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 [To MR. WHITTIER.] 
 
 MARCH 30, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : Thanks for your kind words, 
 you know they are coin of the realm to me. Your 
 letter pains me. Death to me is not dreadful, but 
 disease is. If she did not suffer I should not mind 
 the loss of health. It is the very goodness of God 
 that strikes me with terror. He is utterly good, yet 
 he lets such terrible things happen, and where can 
 one look for refuge ? Nevertheless, do not think this, 
 for it is right now and in the end it will be seen right 
 and the best thing. Doesn t it give you light at the 
 heart s depths to think of the future the exceeding
 
 BUSY YEARS IX HAMILTON 387 
 
 and eternal glory, so exceeding that it is even a 
 iveight of glory ? Wherefore, comfort ye one another 
 with these words. Don t be cast down. I see such 
 an ineffable brightness before you. I don t see, I 
 suppose, the darkness that surrounds you, yet I feel 
 the shadow of it, but the light is just ahead. 
 
 Give my love to that darling little drooping, sensi 
 tive plant in this pell-mell world, and to your own 
 blessed self, and don t mind my adjectives, which 
 won t suit your Quakerly reticence, but they are the 
 sweetest matter-of-fact. 
 
 Good-night and always good-morning. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 APRIL 5, 1864. 
 
 Your letter quite terrifies me. My ignorance on the 
 subject of Agricultural Colleges is unfathomable and 
 inconceivable. In one paragraph I have fallen upon 
 an idea in your letter, but as for being of the smallest 
 use to you in founding your college, I must beg you at 
 once to disabuse yourself of any dream of such a thing. 
 I have no doubt everything I shall say has been said 
 before twenty times. It is only that I thought I 
 might reach a class of people whom you regular agri 
 cultural writers could not or do not reach, the people 
 whose prejudices are baked brown and close and 
 hard. Don t misunderstand me to be assuming any 
 undue ignorance. Modesty is not my forte. I know 
 what I do know, but especially I know what I don t 
 know! And your Agricultural College is just one of 
 those things. 
 
 I do not design to advance any new theories, but 
 only present a few that I have always had lying
 
 388 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 about. On one point, however, I am certain, that is? 
 in my own mind, the boys should be governed by 
 their sense of honor and not by rules, but everything 
 depends on tact in management in that case as well 
 as in every other. As for business I do not believe 
 there would be any good in talking it over with me. 
 You don t seem to know what a reed I am to lean on, 
 or to make music with, too, for that matter. The 
 only use of me is to make me into a pen, a gr;iy 
 goose quill, the wherewith being already to your 
 hand. 
 
 APRIL 6, 1864. 
 
 I am living here very quietly just now. My little 
 pupil is going to school, so I am released from the task 
 of hearing her recitations and from the responsibility 
 of her education. My mother and I are alone in the 
 house, but we have two families in the other one, and 
 that makes it much less lonely. It will be far more 
 pleasant when the summer comes. As yet we have 
 very cold, wet, unpleasant weather. The appendix 
 to winter is far more wintry than the winter was 
 itself. 
 
 Last January, New Year, I received a very charm 
 ing letter from some one who did not sign his name. 
 The other day I was reading Henry James Sub 
 stance and Shadow," and I became convinced that the 
 writer of that book and of my letter were one and 
 the same. I accordingly despatched a note to him 
 and found my surmises were correct, since which time 
 I have taken to myself great credit for my sagacity. 
 Have you seen the "\ r eil Partly Lifted" ? It is by 
 some Furness. Do you know anything of him? I 
 consider it a quite remarkable book. I have Jean
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 389 
 
 Paul s "Campaner Thai," but have not yet had time 
 to examine it. A book of essays by Chancellor Hoyt, 
 of the St. Louis University, has been engaging my 
 attention of late. How many good books there are 
 if one had but time for them all ! But of reading as 
 well as making them there is no end. I am just now 
 largely engaged in the poultry business. We have 
 twelve hens. Within a month they have laid con 
 siderably more than twelve dozen eggs that is, 
 twelve dozen beside all we have cooked and we 
 have also a hen setting. The chickens are due in a 
 fortnight and I look for their appearance with great 
 interest. Do you not think I have done very well for 
 a beginner ? 
 
 Thursday morning. So far yesterday and now 
 children are making day musical with their chatting 
 and laughing. How beautiful is the racket of chil 
 dren s awaking in the morning ! They are so full of 
 life and laughter. The birds are singing, too, and the 
 spring is surely coming, though it is cold to-day. I 
 am very busy these last few weeks and shall be, prob 
 ably, till summer. Then I shall take more time to be 
 lazy in. 
 
 APRIL 12. 
 
 I have not read any of the papers you mentioned, 
 because, as Sydney Smith might say, it prejudices 
 one so to know anything about his subject. I had 
 these few things I wished to s-ay, and I thought it best 
 to say those clip and clear, and not try to do too 
 much. Perhaps I may one day give another blow at 
 it, but I think this paper is quite long enough for a 
 comfortable reading. I know and have read so little 
 about this matter that what I have said may be quite
 
 390 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 stale, flat, and unprofitable, only that paper is seven 
 cents a pound and we keep it to buy crockery with. 
 
 All I wanted to know about girls in this college you 
 have told me, though in a very snappish and unbe 
 coming manner. Women are not a distinctive feature 
 in this college ; that was the point I wished to be in 
 formed of. I have therefore said nothing about that 
 department. You will see I have confined myself to 
 safe, if not to sounding, generalities. In discussing 
 the construction of the college the woman question 
 might come into play, but in rny paper it would have 
 been out of place. I agree with you entirely which 
 must relieve your mind greatly about girls and boys 
 in school, but if you could give up your occult pro 
 fanity) as if I should not know the Evil One under a 
 Scotch plaid !) and look about you, I think you would 
 find there is a great deal for girls to do in an Agri 
 cultural College besides dusting and ironing. But 
 you are a man, poor creature, and what can one 
 expect? 
 
 Wednesday morning. One thing I forgot I think, 
 and so does my mother for whose opinion I suppose 
 you care no more than you do for mine that if this 
 is printed it ought to be done anonymously. Nobody 
 will have any confidence in me, but if they think it is 
 some man who wrote it, it may have a feather s weight. 
 It was my settled will and purpose to keep myself 
 entirely hidden from knowledge or conjecture from 
 beginning to end, but the world, the flesh, and that 
 Wicked One, whom we veil under an apostrophe, have 
 conspired to thwart my purposes and have partly suc 
 ceeded, so far at least as to think, or to take for 
 granted, that my pen is of the feminine gender. Be 
 sides, also, I suppose I have written so much trash
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 391 
 
 that I shall not easily get credit for anything like 
 sound sense. I will only say this one thing more. 
 Don t look at my paper in the light of what it is not, 
 but of what it is ; and don t say I have made much 
 ado about nothing, because that is all I have to make 
 an ado about. 
 
 APRIL 18. 
 
 It gave me a great deal of pleasure to know that 
 you were pleased with my paper. My mother desires 
 her compliments, and says she is very glad of the 
 picture, as she never before had a distinct idea of 
 John the Baptist. I think John s head is very judi 
 cial. Do you suppose he ever in his life said a funny 
 thing? Did he ever do awkward, headlong, wild, 
 hateful things and not know anything about them till 
 they were done, and then tear his hair in impotent 
 remorse ? Do you suppose he knows anything about 
 a life, an experience, an atmosphere utterly unlike his 
 own? Could he understand that expression is often 
 tangent-}-, spasmodic, convulsive, unreal, by sheer 
 force of /orce, and not of choice ? I know that he is 
 gentle and generous, nevertheless he looks clear-cut 
 and self-possessed, and finished, and could he tolerate 
 a farm over-grown and over-tangled with wild vines 
 and many a thorn, in consideration of a little fruit 
 pleasant to the taste and good for food, and to be 
 desired to make one wise? Would he forgive a moun 
 tain of sand for a little diamond-dust ? Never, never, 
 never. And we will not ask him. Every one must 
 live his own life. 
 
 You read me an eloquent lecture on the subject of 
 the cardinal virtues ! It is pleasant to utter an inno- 
 
 1 Photograph of Judge French, which he labelled John the Baptist.
 
 392 GAIL. HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 cent little moral reflection and be snapped up immedi 
 ately as if one had in serious faith broken the Deca 
 logue in a hundred pieces gives one a delightful 
 sense of security, spontaneity, abandon ! However, 
 since you choose to make a mountain out of a mole 
 hill, 1 am ready to meet you on the mountain-top. 
 You sweep the whole circle of the world, nay of the 
 heavens above and the earth beneath, past and pres 
 ent. The resources of our own language are not suf 
 ficient, but you bring up from the Romish priesthood 
 which you despise, feathers for the barb which you 
 let fly at me. Well, under an Ossa on Pelion piled 
 am I any less right than on it? Listen to me. I have 
 a Sunday School class, a big one, two pews full. 
 I cannot abide teaching of any kind. It is immeas 
 urably and unspeakably irksome to me to sit down 
 before people and drill things into them. All the 
 good I like to do is what I can do alone in my own 
 room. Now here is another person who delights in 
 teaching for its own sake. She is never so happy as 
 when so engaged. But I think I have no right to do 
 what I like to do, come home and be by myself, so I 
 break in upon my sacred time and stay at Sunday 
 School and teach my girls. Am I not more virtuous 
 than the other one who only stays because she likes 
 it? I mean, do I not in that act exhibit or call into 
 action more virtue than she ? Again : the people are 
 not greatly given to literature. To induce them to 
 read I offered to lend my books. They accepted the 
 offer, and I now have a list of thirty or so names and 
 forty or fifty people who on a set day come and take 
 a certain part of my books to read. Now my books 
 are among the few things dear to me. Every book 
 that I put into this circulating library I withdraw from
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 393 
 
 my private hoard. I must of course divest it of all 
 its value to myself. It loses all its sanctity. It be 
 comes common and unclean. Now will you tell me 
 there is no more virtue in my lending these books to 
 Tom, Dick, and Harry, and their wives and daughters, 
 than there would be if I did not care at all for books 
 and would just as soon lend them indiscriminately as 
 not? " What sacrifice is it to an angel to do right?" 
 None. But know ye not that by reason of the supe 
 rior virtue which our sacrifice ministers to us, we shall 
 judge angels ? You surely do not need to be told that 
 the judge is higher than those he judges. 
 
 Won t you, for old friendship s sake, put this fact 
 and the explanation into an appendix of my biogra 
 phy, so that I may not suffer with posterity as well 
 as with my contemporaries ? As the fashion seems to 
 be nowadays to write lives while people are living, 
 my life and sufferings may start up any day, so be on 
 the look-out, please. 
 
 Mr. Flint s supposititious incubation was most im 
 pressive, because, from circumstances, I have lived 
 much among hens the last few weeks and have learned 
 their habits, and especially the calm, stolid, placid 
 pertinacity of a hen on thirteen eggs ours have fif 
 teen, though, but that does not affect the principle. 
 
 Mr. Fields is not only a handsome man, but one of 
 the nicest men in the world, straight-forward, genial, 
 simple-hearted, though in the thick of the city. I like 
 him very much, and he has the sweetest wife, and 
 beautiful, too, and they are as happy as can be. 
 
 Remember that you are not working for yourself 
 but for other people, and when you see men doing 
 mean and idiotic things, let your thank-offering for 
 not being like them be, not the Pharisee s unseemly
 
 394 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 exultation, but a divine patience and long-suffering. 
 Now you need not laugh at that, for I think it is good 
 gospel. And do not be anxious over-much for the 
 country. You have not to bear its weight on your 
 shoulders. I think we ought to do everything we can 
 do and then not fret. Of course fretting is largely a 
 matter of temperament. It seems to me I love my 
 country as deeply as any one can, at any rate any one 
 with no more knack at loving than I have, yet I go 
 to bed at nine o clock and sleep "like a top " till sun 
 rise, but I have such a strong confidence " that some 
 how good will be the final goal of ill," not only in 
 country but in everything. Now don t think I mean 
 to set up a superior faith to yours. The process by 
 which I arrive at results may be simply shallowness 
 or a natural torpidity, nevertheless the results are 
 desirable, and if you can come at them by a round 
 about road of faith in the Divine goodness, so much 
 the better. 
 
 Next Sunday I purpose to go to Amesbury to see 
 the beloved Whittier and his sick sister. The week 
 after I go to Boston. If you look out of your win 
 dow, down Washington street, and see a woman com 
 ing up like Tennyson s Maud, tall and stately," " a 
 face sicklied o er with the pale cast of thought," a cer 
 tain queenly air, a natural authority something 
 which people instinctively take off their hats to 
 come down from your window and greet me, for it 
 will be me. 
 
 [To MR. HENRY JAMES.] 
 
 APRIL 18, 1864. 
 
 I want to write to you because I have ever so many 
 things to say so many in fact that I don t think it
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 395 
 
 is of the least use to begin. On some of them indeed I 
 shall not begin, and indeed don t you find sometimes 
 that the very things you want to say most you cannot 
 say at all ? It seems as if your thought is a great 
 ledge of rock, and you have only one little crowbar 
 to quarry it all out with. 
 
 I have been thinking a great deal the last three or 
 four weeks a great deal for me, I mean and of 
 my kind of thinking, which I don t suppose is pre 
 cisely like that of Newton or Archimedes, but then 
 when a chicken speaks it is always understood that he 
 speaks chickenly, and not in the character of a phil 
 osopher. And I was going to bring several of my 
 stopping-places to you. You know you go on in one 
 direction awhile and then you bring up against some 
 thing. Well, those somethings I thought I would 
 look at through your spectacles, but since I have begun 
 this letter it has occurred to me that I was so blind 
 when I began your book that many things must have 
 escaped me, and it certainly would be very impertinent 
 to ask you questions that you have already answered. 
 How very strange it is that you never see anything till 
 your eyes are opened to it ! You walk about among 
 naked truths, but if you have not come to the need of 
 those truths you may tread on one end of them and 
 they may fly up in your face and yet you won t see 
 them. Now it seems to me as if in the last few 
 weeks I might almost say Heaven has been opened 
 to me. I am sure I have had glimpses into a new 
 world. Do you know I understand your book so 
 much better since I have been thinking it over after I 
 had finished it than I did while I was reading it. I 
 see that some of its positions have always existed in 
 our own creed and Bible in solution. Never you
 
 396 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 mind, will you, if I mix metaphors a little? In a 
 letter there is no need to have everything in a straight 
 line. But the fact is, people have practical beliefs 
 which never give them the smallest trouble till some 
 one starts up and puts their belief in words and casts 
 it into their teeth, when they make a great outcry. 
 Now we good Orthodox people, and I am Orthodox, 
 too, and one of the best of them, may read Sunday 
 after Sunday that it " is God that worketh in you to 
 will and to do," and that "ye are dead and your life 
 is hid with Christ in God yet we shall none the 
 less flout at your theory, which seems to me only the 
 system of the truth of which these are incidental frag 
 ments. But fortunately, or rather necessarily, truth 
 is indivisible, and so all its parts are consistent. So 
 when you once get hold of one part, every other part 
 bears on it for confirmation. Since you have by main 
 force projected and interjected this idea, I seem to 
 see so many things bearing witness of its truth. It 
 gives kernel to shell. It gives light to twilight. It 
 gives order to chaos. I wonder will it explain every 
 thing? As soon as your new edition comes out I am 
 going to read it again, and with a pencil in ray hand, 
 and then you must look out, for I shall come to you 
 unmercifully and demand explanations at the point of 
 the bayonet. Of course a writer cannot undertake to 
 write so that stupid people can understand him, but 
 the man who does not write down to my level will 
 have a very small audience ! There s modesty for you. 
 And so, what a person who is no more stupid than I 
 cannot understand, it is meet, right, and your bouiiden 
 duty to explain. Also please to remember that when 
 you write a book you don t write it at least 3 T ou 
 ought not to write it for the delight of the few, but
 
 BUSY YEARS IX HAMILTON 397 
 
 for the elevation of the many. Consequently it ought 
 not to be of half so much importance to you to know 
 how it effects the great lights that rule the day, as it 
 is to know what it does to the lesser lights that only 
 come out by night. The first stiiue by their own 
 radiance and will shine anyway. The second have 
 only a borrowed light and must be shone upon. 
 
 There is another thing in your letter which gave me 
 so much satisfaction. I suppose you have forgotten 
 all about it. But you do not know how many people 
 there are who say to me, or to my friends, that they 
 should think all this popularity and fame, etc., would 
 make me vain. Now, apart from the fact that there 
 are two sides to popularity, at least to mine, and 
 supposing even that there were only one side, and 
 that the sunny one, I still cannot conceive what cause 
 or provocative of vanity exists, and it rests me that 
 you look at such a thing just as it is. I cannot say 
 anything when people talk so, for if they can talk so 
 1 don t know whether they can be made to understand 
 the truth. Vain ! I think it is the incitement rather 
 to the profoundest humility to a complete self-disap 
 pearance. I should as soon think of the Virgin being 
 vain to have been selected to be the mother of Christ. 
 For every power God has given me I feel utterly 
 glad and grateful. I rejoice in myself. I am de 
 lighted that God did not make me dull, and indifferent, 
 and heavy, and I am, I will not say delighted, I 
 ought rather to say awed, that He has, I believe, 
 made me the medium through which He conveys some 
 of His truth and consolation, but I never heard that 
 an aqueduct pipe ever set up to be vain or self- 
 conceited. I only pray that I may keep myself pure 
 and transparent, that the holy light may shine through
 
 398 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 me clear and bright. Now I think this is what you 
 mean, but so I have always felt. I do not either 
 believe that the heavenly light is necessarily a "dim, 
 religious light" always. I believe that it may be the 
 light of fun and frolic, of love and laughter. I think 
 you can do good by sunshine as well as by rain, and 
 I think the good God sends His message to men by 
 putting mirth into their lives as well as by repentance. 
 I hope you think so, because if you do not, } ou must 
 think me very often false to my errand. But don t 
 you know you can help a man under a burden if you 
 can make him forget it, even when you cannot take it 
 away from him. When people write to me and tell 
 me that I have done them good, that makes me happy. 
 I enjoy making their lives a little brighter. I thank 
 God that instead of giving me a wash-tub, or a needle, 
 or a broom to work my work with, he has given me 
 a pen, and a whole country for my family. I do not 
 always feel so. Sometimes I seem to myself to be 
 neither one thing nor another, not a man and not a 
 good kind of a woman, and indeed as a woman I am 
 not worth much, and sometimes I am disgusted with 
 some things. As a respectable society woman I am 
 a good deal of a failure, but as a human being I am 
 very glad that "I am what I am." If I had been 
 made greater and deeper I should have been more 
 glad, but I am very glad to be as I am. 
 
 I think you are very, very kind to write me such 
 nice letters. I shall not pay your sagacity so poor a 
 compliment as to depreciate my worthiness to receive 
 them, but I can answer for it that they do not fall 
 upon un appreciative ground. One ought to do what 
 is given him to do, whether men will bear or whether 
 they will forbear, alone as well as with a multitude.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 399 
 
 Nevertheless, I think recognition is one of the most 
 delightful things in this world. I am ashamed to say 
 that I do become irritated sometimes at the per 
 verse stupidity of people. You need not tell me that 
 that is very wrong and poor return to make, for I 
 know it all, and that, besides, it reduces me to the 
 level of that which irritates me. I only state it as a 
 fact, I do not justify it. You must understand that 
 I fear I know much better than I do, but then I 
 always try to keep my standard from trailing. 
 
 Now let me take my turn and give you a little ex 
 hortation, Do not you fear to die and leave no sign 
 of having lived to some purpose. You say you do 
 not succeed in communicating your convictions. But 
 I know that conscientious work is never lost. Don t 
 you ask me how I know, for I cannot tell you, but I 
 do know it, and you may believe me. Thought will 
 set itself free. Benevolence will work itself out. 
 Nothing can confine them, and if there is not one 
 person in the country who fully takes in your plan, 
 all the same your work is not lost. Perhaps one will 
 take in a brick here, and another a window-seat there, 
 and a third a cornice, and so, by fragments it may be, 
 the whole temple is reproduced. Why look at me 
 am I not receiving of your fulness, not completely, 
 but as a pond may receive of a sea ? and, moreover, 
 it is a pond that has more than one outlet. You pour 
 into me and through a thousand little brooks ; when I 
 have once mingled your waters with mine, I shall send 
 them out again. They will not be "the sea, the sea, 
 the open sea," but they will go in dew-drops and 
 spray, they will spring up in violets and mayflowers, 
 and the earth will be green and the meadows gay, 
 and is not that something to be happy for? I am
 
 400 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 afraid you make no account of anything smaller than 
 oaks, but dear me ! how many people do you suppose 
 there are who live upon oak-trees ? 
 
 Don t you think it is nice for me to be setting you 
 right? 
 
 Nevertheless, I am very truly 
 
 Your friend, 
 
 MARY ABBY DODGK. 
 
 APRIL 19, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR BROTHER : Your letter reached us at the 
 end of a five-days journey, which we consider a 
 remarkably short passage. I write now just to speak 
 of your coming home next winter. The longer you 
 stay out there without coming home the easier it will 
 be to stay, and the harder it will be to come home ; 
 while nothing, it seems to me, is of so much importance 
 as to keep bright the links that unite us. It is so 
 much easier to keep them so than to polish them up 
 after they shall have become rusty, and we think you 
 have been away long enough. As for the boy, of 
 course we do not expect him to hold his hands all day, 
 or his tongue either, but you can have the bed-room 
 and the sitting-room. I shall have a fire in my room 
 and in the parlor, and if mother gets tired of his 
 chatter, as she very likely will at times, she can go 
 away and be quiet. Every year diminishes the 
 chance of a reunion. Of course we shall not expect 
 you to remain here all the time. I suppose Beverly 
 and Salem and Cambridge will claim y;>u a part of it, 
 but even here, with many books and papers, I think 
 you could pass a very comfortable winter.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 401 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 MAY 6, 1864. 
 
 It is nearly nine o clock and the labors of Hercules 
 were but a pastime compared with the work which I 
 have been doing to-day, and these many days. House- 
 cleaning did you ever hear of it? You men do not 
 know what the toils of life are. The dreadfulness of 
 house-cleaning ! The uproar, the everything out of its 
 place, and company to dinner ! We have had a buxom 
 Irish wife to wash the house, and another to wash the 
 movables, but still there are so ninny thousand things 
 that no one can do but your own self, and one is so long 
 in the doing of them, and the worst of it is, it won t 
 stay done. With what pleasure would one breathe 
 dust and swim in a tub for a week, if he might have 
 dry ness and cleanness the rest of the year. On the 
 contrary, the dust gathers at one end of the house 
 before the other end is dry from its bath. Neverthe 
 less, house-cleaning is a good thing. It gives such a 
 charming fragrance of soap-suds, and it weans one 
 from the world. 
 
 When one has a farm to carry on and various live 
 stock to care for, besides a great variety of public 
 duties, what can one do? I have been to-day, for 
 instance, besides house-cleaning, gardening. That 
 is, I sat down in the midst of the hubbub this morning 
 and drew a plan for a small garden. Now you see I 
 know nothing in the world about gardening, but then 
 here I am. So I " turned to" and have produced a 
 very respectable grass-plat on paper and have 
 sent for the seeds. What will come up remains to be 
 seen, though as yet nothing has gone down. But the 
 weather now is warm and dry. Summer has come
 
 402 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 upon us suddenly like a strong man armed ; may the 
 good Father protect our armies, who in this sweet 
 month of May are reaping the bloody harvest of all 
 our sins and our fathers sins ! 
 
 As for burning up the papers you send, begging 
 your pardon, I shall do no such thing, so long as 
 paper is five cents a pound. I sold fifteen pounds the 
 other day and bought a lovely glass pitcher which 
 went straight off and cracked and is now bound up 
 with rose-ribbon and you talk of burning papers ! 
 No, sir. I have read Herbert Spencer s book on 
 " Education" and like it much. A great many nails 
 he hits with wonderful accuracy square on the head. 
 
 The "Stones of Stumbling" will very likely be 
 triturated as you suggest, and in some points they 
 will doubtless deserve it. They were piled together 
 many years ago, some as many as five, and the 
 monument in all its parts and proportions may not 
 now suit even my own ideas of symmetry. Never 
 theless, the line of beauty and the line of truth may 
 both be found there. As for the stoning with stones, 
 I have been in these meteoric showers before, and did 
 not find them so formidable as to create a panic, 
 though they are not so pleasant as June sunshine. 
 Reform the world, I will, or perish in the attempt. 
 You may sit over your wine and pleasantly assert that 
 they deserved to be damned and doubtless will be, 
 and take comfort in the thought, but I shall go out 
 into the highways and hedges and compel them to 
 come into the temple of the Lord so far as may be. 
 
 I made a visit to "Whittier s a fortnight ago. His 
 sister is ill, quite ill, I think with a painful and 
 enfeebling disease, they fear an affection of the spine. 
 Her spirits are excellent, almost unuaturall}* so. He
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 403 
 
 keeps up, too, wonderfully. I called at Mrs. Spald- 
 ing s also ou the way home, and found her in the 
 midst of house-cleaning, but she has learned in what 
 soever state she is never to be taken aback. I have 
 had an invitation to teach in a female seminary in 
 Andover. Salary not large, but duties not onerous. 
 Also I have had an invitation from Dr. and Mrs. Dio 
 Lewis to visit them. Perhaps I shall go sometime, 
 but not at present. I have too much to do. For two 
 Sundays we have had home-preaching. I was at 
 Amesbury one of them and attended the Friends 
 meeting, which was very nice. Nothing was said the 
 first hour or so, and we just sat in the sunshine and 
 had a " good time." What an economical way of 
 supporting the gospel that would be, and how much 
 good it would do every one to sit quiet an hour a day, 
 not talk at all ! We are blessed in our quiet Sundays. 
 We get the truth about as soon as you do after all, 
 and not under half so deep a heap of rubbish. I 
 hope for victory, but I have been running through 
 Fanny Kemble s " Georgia Journal," and slavery was 
 so utterly infernal a thing that I don t know whether 
 this nation can ever be purged from it and whether 
 therefore it is fit to live. One consolation is that, bad 
 as it is, we belong to the best part of it. 
 
 Do not you allow yourself to be over-excited about 
 all these things. Washington has been in danger of 
 capture too many times. 
 
 [To MR. JAMES.] 
 
 MAY 7, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : The very first words I have to 
 say to you are to apologize for my unpardonable 
 carelessness in giving you a wrong name. I beg you
 
 404 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 to believe that it was not because I had not taken the 
 trouble to charge my memory with your name. Hut 
 I know a real Horace James, and I suppose in :in 
 absence of mind I must have put his name on your 
 letter, though I was not aware of the fact until you 
 mentioned it. But you see what an advantage it is 
 to be so distinguished that your townsmen need only 
 a slight hint to recognize the man who is meant ! 
 
 Also, I did receive your letter, the one you sup 
 posed lost. What I meant about forgetting was that 
 as it was three or more weeks since I had shot through 
 your atmosphere, and as 1 was not particularly large 
 or brilliant, you might have supposed that this next 
 appearance was a ne\v comet and not the old one re 
 turning in its orbit. So I wished to settle the ques 
 tion of identity. That was all. 
 
 With many misgivings I send you the book of which 
 I spoke. I hardly know whether I want you to read 
 it or not. I have not yet read it myself and I cannot 
 tell how truly it expresses my present opinions. 
 Please to remember that much of it was written at 
 least two or three, and some of it, I think, as many 
 as five years ago. Do not suppose I say this to 
 deprecate your unfavorable criticism. I believe I 
 know you much better than I know many people who 
 call me "Abby," and the only thing I fear is that you 
 will find in it a disappointment from which you are 
 too generous not to feel pain. So I pray you to 
 look fur nothing but a feeling after the truth, an 
 occasional grasping of it, and of this I am sure, a 
 very steady and settled desire to strengthen the 
 weak hands, confirm the feeble knees, comfort the 
 sorrowful hearts, and beat back a little the waves of 
 sore doubt and difficulty wherewith formalism besets
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 405 
 
 Christ s little ones. At a few points I reckon on 
 your sympathy, and everywhere I believe you are 
 large enough to make allowances, but do not make the 
 mistake of supposing that I expect you to go heart 
 and hand with me through thick and thin. 
 
 I " guess" you made a mistake in your last letter 
 and answered somebody else s, thinking it was mine. 
 But I shall not take pains to correct the mistake. I 
 am glad any letter gave you pleasure, whether Lauuce- 
 lot s or another s. Happiness does not come in 
 bowlders generally, but in pebbles, and so I think 
 we ought all to be very thankful when we receive 
 such a pebble, and how much more delightful to give 
 one. And how beautiful it is that things are so 
 arranged that we don t have to do good. We only 
 have to go about our business and the good does 
 itself. What you design to accomplish of beneficence 
 often fails. It is what flows out from you spontane 
 ously, the virtue that goes out from you by some 
 casual touch that makes your real worth in life. So 
 I suppose every inward victory, of which we fancy no 
 one knows, has its outward expression, its Te Deurn, 
 and though nobody may have seen the struggle, many 
 may wax fat on the fruits of the peace. The little 
 bits of moral instruction which I deal out to you I 
 make no extra charge for, so you need not be restive 
 under them. But it is a comfort to know that one 
 need not wait for any other world before he belongs 
 to the Shining Ones, but even in this be may radiate 
 light, nnd leave, wherever he goes, his trail of sun 
 shine. Only people have rather come not to think 
 much of simple, honest sunshine, but want some far 
 fetched, unearthly, supernatural gleam that is not half 
 real and never produces solid results.
 
 406 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 There was au idea in your letter and, by the way, 
 you live among ideas, do you not ? Now, for me I 
 have and so have most of my contemporaries so far 
 as I can judge experience chiefly with fancies and 
 fragments. I sit down among little bits of broken 
 glass, sometimes gay- colored and beautiful, but if 
 ever I find a ruby or even an agate among them, I 
 call in my friends and neighbors to rejoice and we 
 have a bonfire and a celebration. But you write a 
 friendly letter and lo ! the moment I open it, out drop 
 pearls aud diamonds, all set and fitly joined together. 
 Well, there is one comfort. If you have been mov 
 ing you have had to step down from your rainbow 
 and lock up your precious stones and give all your 
 energies to the furniture and to keeping your temper. 
 I lay particular stress on the temper because that is 
 my weak point. We have been house-cleaning, which 
 is nearly as bad as moving. But then it is nice to 
 feel that your whole house has had its baptism. 
 The dust gathers again, but you are better for the 
 purification. 
 
 But what I was going to say was that you had an 
 idea in your letter which, when I saw, I coveted. 
 Frederick Schlegel bought one once of his brother 
 William for a flannel waiscoat. I don t suppose I 
 have anything that would be of value to you, but I 
 cannot relinquish the idea ; it fits in exactly to a little 
 niche I am carving out, so I want you to exercise 
 your benevolence and give it to me. "All for love 
 and nothing for reward." If you don t give it to me 
 you will do mischief, for I shall certainly steal it. I 
 know my virtue is not strong enough to resist the 
 temptation, aud then you will be consumed with re 
 morse for having made Israel to sin. Do you submit
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 407 
 
 gracefully or grumblingly ? For submission it must 
 be. 
 
 Moral (H. J. loquitur} : Never leave diamonds 
 about among lapidaries. 
 
 Thank you and Mrs. James for your invita 
 tion. Do you think I shall accept it? Not the least 
 in the world. Why should I ? It would not do any 
 good. Why not let well enough alone? Where 
 people meet through letters, that which meets is really 
 their own selves. When they meet in person, there 
 are so many impertinences that you never can tell 
 what is what. I will not say never, but not often, 
 for a long while, and sometimes not at all. At least 
 that is the way with me. The more you see me the 
 more you won t know me. I sit in my room and 
 write to you. It is my very own self speaking to 
 you, without embarrassment or distraction. There 
 isn t any world. There are no social duties. We 
 might as well be pure souls. But if I go to Ashburton 
 Place, I must see that my bonnet is right, and I shall 
 have dusted my dress, and you will have to stop and 
 brush your hair before you come down, and the light 
 will shine in my eyes and dazzle me, and I shall drop 
 my handkerchief, and cannot find my gloves, and so 
 I shall be altogether very uncomfortable, and there 
 won t be any me at all, only an awkward parcel of 
 dry goods that never had any perceptions. I don t 
 object to incarnation. I think, theoretically, the body 
 is the friend and servant of the soul, and, practically, 
 too, I suppose in most cases, but for some reason or 
 other, in the Divine arrangement, I was made dif 
 ferent from other people. What is to most expres 
 sion is to me an incumbrance. I have not any real 
 medium of communication with my kind except
 
 408 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE! IN LETTERS 
 
 through my pen no trustworthy medium. My lips 
 refuse 
 
 "To utter 
 The thoughts that arise in me," 
 
 and my hand has no cunning to work, and if I should 
 come and see you I should be only a miserable and 
 forlorn woman. While in my own domains I am 
 monarch of all I survey. So do not attribute my 
 absenteeism to original sin, but only to original mis 
 fortune, and believe that I would not fail to avail my 
 self of your kindness if I did not know that it would 
 give neither of us the smallest satisfaction. You 
 would not believe it was I, and I should not myself if 
 I did not know. 
 
 Just one word more about the book. Do be 
 lieve, if you can find it in your heart to do so, that I 
 am better than it. I think I am better than any book 
 I ever wrote, or, I fear, any that I ever shall write. 
 Nothing satisfies me. I catch glimpses of the beauti 
 ful Truth. I know I hear her voice and feel her 
 coming, but I only lay hold of the hem of her robe as 
 she passes by, and I have but a fragment and a 
 fragrance. The lovely form escapes me. Neverthe 
 less, I can do no otherwise than seek her, for it seems 
 to me that the search for truth is better than the pos 
 session of all other treasures. You will surely not 
 do me the injustice to suppose that I launch my 
 advice and opinions from any assumed superiority of 
 character or position. In fact, I do not know that I 
 ever analyzed my motives, or thought much about it 
 anyway. I write because I do write, because I must 
 write, because I will write. Yet nothing that I have 
 ever written has seemed to me adequate when it was
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 409 
 
 accomplished. My life gives me great joy, but also 
 great unrest. 
 
 I am not sure that what I have said will indicate to 
 you what I mean, but perhaps your own experience, 
 or imagination, may help you to the meaning. I 
 have talked a great deal about myself in this letter, 
 but then what is the use of writing letters if you can 
 not talk about yourself. At least this is true, that it 
 is the one subject in the world of which I know more 
 than any one else, and one in which I must confess 
 that I feel extremely interested ! 
 
 It is the most charming evening possible, and I am 
 going to Boston to-morrow, and to Ashhurton Place, 
 which I know, because I once had a friend there, and 
 I shall leave a parcel in the front entry which will be 
 this letter, and a book, and perhaps something else. 
 So will you please stay quietly in the house till I am 
 safely away from it. I suppose I might send a lad 
 with it, and perhaps I will. We will see. 
 Good-night. 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 MARY ABBT DODGE. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 MAY 18, 1864. 
 
 It seems that my silly question has given you a 
 very unnecessary uneasiness. But I only put it to 
 you because it seemed so absurd, and I thought you 
 would enjoy the absurdity. Nothing is farther from 
 my mind than to take up teaching again. Why, Mr. 
 Wood, you seem quite blind to the fact that "I am 
 in the full tide of a successful career " ! ! ! ! I am 
 not growing rich over-fast, but 1 am keeping pace
 
 410 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 with my exertions. I have all the money that I need. 
 My books have brought me something like two thou 
 sand dollars. That I am keeping for future years. 
 What I want is ten thousand dollars. Mr. Fields laughs 
 at me, but if I live and have my health I shall get it, 
 and if I don t live I shall not want it, and if I do not 
 have my health I shall not blame myself for not 
 getting it. Do not suppose that I am setting my heart 
 on that sum, or bending my energies to it, or u skimp 
 ing " myself in any way for it. But I want to be 
 independent, if it is God s will, as long as I live, and 
 I think six hundred a year will enable me to live in 
 the country, as long as I do live, above want, and in 
 a state of comparative ease and elegance. 
 
 The money that I have received and have not spent 
 is in government bonds, and safely deposited in Bos 
 ton. This is almost entirely what I have received 
 from my books. The magazine papers keep me in 
 bread and butter and calicoes, and keep me " hand 
 somely." I don t go iuto furs and diamonds and laces 
 quite so much as I might like if I had the purse of 
 Fortuuatus in my pocket; but those are only luxuries, 
 and I have everything that is necessary, and I treat 
 myself to that best luxury of giving, upon every occa 
 sion. The sale of my books goes on. Mr. Fields spoke 
 of " Country Living," especially, the last time I was 
 there. I have scarcely any hopes at all about my new 
 book, only that I shall not be absolutely torn in pieces. 
 Private criticisms have been generally favorable hith 
 erto, but when it is published Mr. F. and I agree 
 that the dogs of war will be let loose. I am quite at 
 ease on the score of money. I mean that I have no 
 anxiety about it. My disposition to become the pos 
 sessor of ten thousand dollars is simply that I may be
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 41 1 
 
 independent. I think the mere fact of dependence 
 has such a tendency to lower one s standard of living, 
 and I have no reason to suppose myself better than 
 my kind. So I pray not to be led into that tempta 
 tion. Now you good, benevolent, kind man, do not 
 you go to fretting your heart thinking that I am poor. 
 It is a pity that I am not, but I am not. I feel rich, 
 I do indeed. 
 
 It is pleasant to receive things from your friends, 
 and still more pleasant to give them. If I could give 
 tilings to my friends I should be much better satis 
 fied to receive gifts from them, but I have not the 
 pretty art of making knick-knacks, and I am so out 
 of the world, out of this and absorbed in another, that 
 I don t know what is going. I applied to Whittier in 
 this dilemma, and he said I could not give to the many 
 that gave to me, of course, but that my writings made 
 me friends, and that probably they 1 elt that I had 
 done them so much good and given them so much 
 pleasure therein, that it was a great pleasure for them 
 to show a token of it, and I could do a good turn to 
 some one else. So he comforted me, and I mean 
 always to "give to every one that asketh " of me in 
 charity, if so be I may return to the poor a part of 
 the benefit which the rich do to me. 
 
 My time is fully occupied, and more than occupied. 
 I have continued calls in writing which I am forced 
 to decline. I could earn much more money than I 
 now earn, but I should do it at the expense of both 
 my character and my reputation as a writer. I pre 
 fer to do nothing which shall not improve myself. 
 P^xcellence is far more valuable to me than money. 
 I want a reputation, but I want it to be for qualities 
 which may commend themselves to the best people.
 
 412 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I have every encouragement. Mr. Fields is contin 
 ually encouraging I should perhaps say rather than 
 urging me forward, which of course he would not 
 do if he were not in a degree satisfied with me. He 
 says very fine things of my papers, and he is con 
 stantly asking for more. He gets my books up him 
 self, proposes to have them as books, I mean, and 
 is strenuous that I write only for them, to which I am 
 myself also as strongly inclined. 
 
 My circle of friends comprises some of the very 
 nicest people in the world, and I have directly and by 
 roundabout ways very honoring praise from people 
 whose mere attention would be no small compliment. 
 I am sure you will not do me the injustice of thinking 
 that I say this by way of boasting. I only say it in 
 a mercantile way just to ease your mind, and because 
 I know you will find a great deal of pleasure in it. 
 Of course I have also a great deal of censure, but my 
 nice things so entirely outnumber and outweigh my 
 disagreeable ones, that the latter are a sheer and clear 
 benefit to me. " I speak as a fool, but ye have com 
 pelled me." I could not ask greater success, consid 
 ering the capital I work on. I only wish that I were 
 more worthy of the regard which I will not say 
 I have won, but which generosity has bestowed 
 upon me. But you may be sure I would impoverish 
 you and every friend I have in the world before I 
 would go back to teaching again ! 
 
 Does Nelly O C. mean Mr. Henry James book 
 " Substance and Shadow " ? If so, I can tell her that 
 I read the first part in a rather bewildered manner, 
 but as I went on it seemed to me that I had struck 
 a bed of primitive foundation granite. There are 
 parts which I do not understand, and there are pass-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 413 
 
 ages which I would have altered, but to my thinking 
 it holds solid truths that refresh and rest my very soul. 
 You must excuse the egotism of this letter, but you 
 know it was all on your account. I took a slice right 
 out of my afternoon on purpose to relieve your mind. 
 What gratitude ought you not to feel ! Was gratitude 
 one of the Apostolic virtues? Truly yours, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 [To MR. FRENCH.] 
 
 JUNE 3, 1864. 
 
 Isn t it beautiful now? I have been out and 
 watered all my plants. I stood and looked at that 
 little square bit of land, and thought what was the 
 use of taking such a world of trouble with it when here 
 is this whole round globe spread out before me, and 
 behind me, and on every side of me, more beauty 
 than I can take in, though I stand looking from 
 sunrise to sunset and all night long. How foolish 
 to stake out a square yard and devote yourself to it, 
 when every hill and valley laughs you to scorn in in 
 solent rivalry, and an old wall with a blackberry- 
 vine is more graceful, more picturesque than anything 
 which your own hand my hand I mean can train 
 with infinite pains. I wish I had nothing in the world 
 to do but be out-doors all the time, and look and listen. 
 The trees are all abloom, and knee deep in lush grass, 
 the air is filled with the summer snow of petals, and 
 the birds are holding high carnival. Everything is so 
 busy, and my busy-ness is to see it. Life is in full 
 career, and I think people ought to stand aside and 
 let it work. I buried a chicken to-day under a sod, a 
 poor little thing that just nipped open a bit of shell 
 about as big as a five-cent piece an ancient coin in
 
 414 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 use among the Egyptians. Then he was tired and 
 gave it up. But what I admired was, how beautifully 
 he was packed. His little head and feet and wings 
 were folded so compactly, there was no crowding and 
 no room to spare. There are two little doves, too, 
 under the barn eaves, and I can climb up and watch 
 them, little horrid jelly-things with holes for ears, and 
 breathing all over. The mother-dove turns into a fury 
 and beats me with her wings prodigiously, but I am 
 determined to see how she manages. Now I suppose 
 I might as well stop here as go on all night. In fact 
 there are so many things happening now that it seems 
 a pity to waste time on words. It seems to me as if 
 everything is made over new in the spring and every 
 spring is a new astonishment. Every March I believe 
 the grass will never grow again, and every May it 
 waves like the sea. 
 
 I think it is boy-slaughter in the first degree to 
 wake boys in the morning. I rather think Nature 
 knows when her children have slept long enough, and 
 does not need any lawyers to issue a writ of manda 
 mus. "What a writ of mandamus is I know no more 
 than your famous " forty-year-old-unborn-hereditary 
 infant," but I wanted some kind of law-Latin to vindi 
 cate my legal abilities and learning, so I took that. 
 
 And I thank you, samp is not cracked corn. Have 
 I been living on it all my life to be told by a little 
 New Hampshire judge that I don t know what it is? 
 Sir, samp is not cracked corn. It is as whole as my 
 heart. I will not send to Pierce s for a bag of 
 hominy. My sister gets what they call samp in 
 Boston, and comes home crying aloud for the real 
 article, which is one-third lye, one-third ashes, one- 
 third potash, and the rest corn and milk.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 415 
 
 JUKE 7, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. JAMES : Now we are coming to blows ! 
 I sailed down your letter as smoothly and as serenely 
 as possible, the sun shining, the flowers abloom on 
 both banks, the birds singing in the tree-tops and 
 suddenly comes a crash ! I struck a snag, but you 
 need not think I am going to give up quietly and sink 
 without a struggle. So here is the struggle : 
 
 The only reason why I have the smallest modesty 
 in stating my views is, that I am not sure I under 
 stand yours. A man who begins his book by turning 
 the world upside down must be approached warily. 
 It may be that in your book you have explained away 
 every objection that I shall advance, and there a 
 second advancement may seem an impertinence, but, 
 as I have intimated before, I did not then understand 
 the book so well as I think I should now. I am going 
 to read it again as soon as that addition comes out. 
 But with all the enlightenment it may give I dare say 
 there will be plenty left beyond my comprehension, 
 and all the intelligence I can plunder you of through 
 the medium of letters will be so much clear gain ! 
 
 You say soliciting and expecting a personal, 
 instead of a purely spiritual salvation at His hands." 
 But may not salvation be personal and spiritual? 
 What is spirit? Is it not as personal to me as any 
 thing? More personal than anything? Is not my 
 spirit more truly me, more truly personal than any 
 thing else? You say, " We all of us unhesitatingly 
 assume the truth of our personal relations to God and 
 suppose that any improvement in our intercourse with 
 Him must come from some modifications of those 
 relations ; whereas in truth our natural personality is 
 merely a stepping-stone of His towards the great per-
 
 416 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 sonality of the race as represented or constituted by 
 society, is at best a temporary purchase of His upon 
 the associated or public consciousness." Do you 
 mean by this that our natural personality is or ought 
 ever to be merged in the great personality of the race, 
 that our private consciousness is ever to be lost, in 
 this or in any world, in a public consciousness? 
 Because, if you do, I do not agree with you. It seems 
 to me all one with annihilation. I would jnst as soon 
 have no life at all as to have no conscious, separate, 
 individual life. What possible comfort can there be 
 in creeping through eternity as an infinitesimal part of 
 one huge centipede called society. I want to be my 
 own self, clip and clear, and if I cannot be that I 
 would rather not be anything. I don t believe you 
 mean this, but if you don t, what do you mean? You 
 understand, please, I believe in the advancement, in 
 the growth, in the purification of society but I hold 
 it is to be done not by annihilating, but by elevating 
 the individuals who compose it. By working on you 
 and trying to make a good Christian man of you, I 
 am doing far more for society than I could by 
 attempting to destroy your consciousness and individ 
 uality and knead you somehow into the general, mass ! 
 You say, " Nothing is more unhandsome in us than 
 the consciousness of our being tvell pleasing in, our 
 proper persons to God." Practically I suppose that 
 must be admitted to be true of most grown-up per 
 sons. But must it be true? Is it not our sin and 
 shame that it is true ? Is there any inherent neces 
 sity laid upon us? I suppose a rose, a bird, a baby 
 are well pleasing to God. He takes pleasure in the 
 little child playing on the floor. He takes pleasure 
 in everything which He has made which remains
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 417 
 
 very good. He loves to see people as strong and 
 healthy as He meant them to be. He takes pleas 
 ure when they cultivate the mind and all the powers 
 which He has given them. He is pleased when 
 they resist temptation, or are kind, and loving, and 
 charitable, and do what .He wants them to do for 
 love of Him or love of each other, isn t He ? I sup 
 pose there are few of us who could say that we always 
 do this, but if we ever do do it if we ever feel our 
 hearts aglow with love to Him and purpose to do 
 right, is it vanity, is it vanity to believe then that we 
 are pleasing to Him that He is pleased with us? 
 May we not be so at one with Him that there shall be no 
 jar in our relations, "I in them and they in me"? 
 You see I do believe in our personal relations to God 
 not to the exclusion, but the inclusion of the whole 
 human race. If God be not personal to us, how can 
 we love Him ; I cannot thrill out to an abstraction. 
 It seems to me Christ came to assure us of God s 
 personality ; that we might have something definite to 
 take hold of. There is no " self-complacency " to 
 go back a little in feeling ourselves in harmony 
 with the Divine, for the more you feel so the more 
 you feel that it is God that worketh in you to will and 
 to do of His good pleasure. Maybe that is just what 
 you mean. I do assure you, Mr. James, that I feel 
 as if I were imposing upon your good nature to go 
 blundering along as I do. It seems as if you have a 
 right to demand that I shall understand you better 
 than I probably do, and if you think that your book 
 really does make this all clear, then do not you by 
 any means go and write it all over again, but simply 
 say it is in the book and I will unearth it there. 
 
 The theory which you propound explanatory of my
 
 418 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 reluctance to meeting you is very good as a theory, 
 but you are travelling down toward the centre of the 
 earth to find something that lies on the surface. In 
 fact, I do not think there is any cause or reason for 
 such reluctance. At least I do not know that I am 
 conscious of any. It is simply an instinct. It is 
 simply that when I should hear you coming up the 
 steps, my heart the actual physical auricle and 
 ventricle one, I mean would of a sudden beat so 
 hard that I could not speak perhaps, and not breathe 
 for a minute and not have the least power to do any 
 thing but keep the life in me. And I, perhaps, 
 should not get quite over it all the time you would 
 see me, and should say and do what was really un 
 natural to me, and should fail to see the point of 
 what was said to me or to understand things which 
 really do come within the scope of my powers. I 
 don t believe such simple material facts need any 
 explanation, do they? If we should ever lose this 
 " nimbus of flesh " I think I should feel differently. 
 If I could only be my own proper self, if I could 
 only meet you as I really am, I should not mind. 
 But however that may be, pray believe me that there 
 is at least no want of faith in you. I trust you en 
 tirely. You have already shown a delicacy most 
 rare, and I do not believe it would be possible for you 
 to trespass upon me. The only way in which you 
 cause me "the slightest embarrassment" would he 
 simply in being a person at all ! Do not suppose it 
 possible that I willingly dwell on these facts. I do 
 not know that I should be wrong in saying that they 
 are the most painful of my life. It is the one bond 
 age that chains me, and death alone can deliver me 
 from the body of this death. But I speak of it
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 419 
 
 rather than that you should suppose it to be anything 
 in yourself which causes the reluctance, that I fear 
 to find in you anything below the highest. Your 
 instinctive reverence is more grateful than words can 
 say. I shall indeed be much disappointed if you fail 
 me. Undoubtedly, like all the rest of us, you have 
 your faults. I dare say you are occasionally unrea 
 sonable. Very possibly you are depraved enough 
 to fret sometimes at the "little wife" who is twice 
 as good as your High Mightiness, perhaps you are 
 cross to the children and too particular about trifles, 
 though for all these things you are heartily sorry 
 afterwards and atone for them as far as possible by 
 increased gentleness. I make no doubt you have 
 half-a-dozen hobby-horses and pet weaknesses and 
 all that, but I am sure you try to be good and keep 
 your banner out of the mud, and I am sure that 
 your idea of life and worth is high and high-aiming. 
 
 You anticipate the time when I shall be a " serene, 
 placid, lovely old lady." But that time will never 
 come even if I live to be an old lady at all. Serene- 
 ness will never come to me in this world. Yet I 
 have such possibilities of calm ! But it would be 
 very selfish to sigh for quiet when it is a most un 
 deserved blessing that one is permitted to work, to 
 be a co-worker with God. I would be willing to be 
 turbulent all my life, to dwell in the very teeth of the 
 tempest rather than be stagnant. And for all the 
 turbulence, I feel somewhere, very deep in, a fountain 
 of peace, unsealed, but to be, one day, and inexhaust 
 ible. Meanwhile faith is the substance of things 
 hoped for. 
 
 Perhaps some day I shall get into your thought 
 enough to be able to talk rationally and to the pur-
 
 420 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 pose, and then I shall be glad to talk upon these 
 matters instead of writing, but as it is, I am afraid 
 I should stumble at every step and weary your 
 patience. So don t you think it will be better to con 
 fine ourselves to artillery practice at present, and 
 not come to a hand-to-hand conflict. And yet I 
 should really like to have you come down to Hamil 
 ton. It is very pleasant here these bright June 
 days. Do you think you could forget that you ever 
 wrote to me make believe you never heard of me 
 know nothing about me only that your grand 
 father was my great aunt s first cousin, and you would 
 like to explore the vilhige where she lived? Should 
 you like some pleasant day to come down at noon 
 and sit in the sunshine or walk over the hills or drive 
 about the country and you keep talking all the time, 
 and I not speak a word ? I should like it very much, 
 but then you see it would be very selfish in me, for I 
 am afraid you would not get out of the country so 
 much good as I should get out of you. 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 JUNE <>, 1864. 
 
 Mr. Norris and Jerry are in the 100 days Volun 
 teers at New Bedford. George Norris is Assistant 
 Lieutenant of Engineers, I think it is, in a gunboat. 
 Mr. Tibbets son was taken prisoner in one of the 
 late battles under Butler. Mr. Tressel s son lives 
 on the old Robert Dodge place was wounded in the 
 Cold Harbor fight. 
 
 Mr. Gage wants me to go to Germany with them 
 next winter. They will spend two months in England. 
 Cannot tell till I know whether you will be here or
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 421 
 
 not. Mr. and Mrs. Fields were going to spend the 
 day with me yesterday, but they had word that her 
 brother was a prisoner in Gordons ville, and he must 
 try what could be done towards effecting an exchange. 
 Dr. Smith s farm was all planted, except a few white 
 beans which were to come up in the fall and make 
 them rich. They had sold over $200 worth of eggs 
 to buy sugar to sweeten the rhubarb. We, too, have 
 a glut of rhubarb and a dearth of sugar. Whittier 
 writes me that his sister has been very sick since I 
 was there, and he thought she was rapidly failing, 
 but he hopes now she is really better. Una Haw 
 thorne wrote me a very nice letter after her father 
 died. She said for his sake they could not mourn. I 
 saw Hawthorne when I was in Boston about a week 
 before he died. He had come there to start on his 
 journey with Pierce. He was very saul}- changed 
 since I made that most delightful visit at his house a 
 year ago. 
 
 JUNE 21, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : I have no business to be 
 writing to you now, but since you must needs go and 
 get up a sunstroke, I suppose I shall have to leave 
 my beaten track and go off in a tangent towards 
 Washington. Now I pray to know if you went out 
 doors at noonday and sat on the curb-stone? I do 
 not see what other way there was for you to expose 
 yourself to such an infliction. You must have wooed 
 the sun with malice aforethought. Quod erat demon 
 strandum. I dare say you did it partly on purpose 
 that you might have au excuse for going over your 
 books and papers. Years ago Dr. used to make 
 my eyes heavy with unshed tears by his pathetic anni 
 versary sermons, wherein his own approaching with-
 
 422 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 drawal would be feelingly predicted. His people bore 
 his prophecies with an equanimity that astonished me, 
 but they were right. What is the case to day? Dr. 
 
 has lived long enough since then to turn his 
 parish upside down with " rage, resentment, and de 
 spair," played witch-work with the colleague whom 
 they had provided for him, forced him to resign, 
 resigned himself, and is at this moment, I doubt not, 
 an eye-sore to the people. Similarly you, Mr. George 
 Wood, in spite of all your wills and your post-mortem 
 arrangements, will live to call up, on at least twenty 
 separate occasions, my unmitigated wrath, and on 
 occasions without number will stir me up to small 
 modified resentments, on all which occasions you will 
 be in the wrong, and I in the right, though you will 
 uever confess it. Still, notwithstanding the many 
 years that I trust lie before you, it seems to me that 
 I would not, as a general thing, take my after-dinner 
 naps on the curb-stone. 
 
 Your copy of " Stumbling Blocks," if you care for 
 such an implement of agriculture, goes with this let 
 ter. If the public will only take half the delight in 
 hanging, drawing, and quartering the author that you 
 do in prophesying such an event, "Eyes, look your 
 last." 
 
 Your arrangement of your papers reminds me to 
 ask whether you keep my letters. If so, what do you 
 do with them ? I wish you would bring them on with 
 you when you come this summer, and at any rate 
 arrange them so that in case of your death, or of mine, 
 no wrong hands could touch them. People are so 
 careless of propriety where their curiosity is concerned 
 that one cannot be too careful. I would like best to 
 have you bring them to me, that I may have them
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 423 
 
 under my own hand. Yours, for the last two years, 
 I have in apple-pie order. The former years are pre 
 served, but in the higgledy-piggledy style of archi 
 tecture. I mean to arrange them this summer accord 
 ing to the dates. The weather is lovely, but very 
 dry, and I spend all my spare time in watering my 
 garden. I am very well, and so would you be if you 
 would remember about the curb-stones. 
 
 Yours most truly, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 JULY 1, 1864. 
 
 It seems to me that two summers ago I was on the 
 top of Agamenticus with somebody who was visiting 
 the John P. Hales, and who could not go somewhere, 
 or could not stay longer, because she was to be at Mr. 
 French s wedding at such a time. I wonder if it was 
 not this same B. B. who writes from his iron Para 
 dise. I return his letter with many thanks for the 
 glimpse into a pleasant home, and for the flavor of peas 
 and strawberries, though the cream and butter story is 
 rather suspicious. Nevertheless, this sunshiny grove- 
 green, fountain-playing, shadow-flickei ing letter gave 
 me a pang. Why, do you suppose? It was that 
 mattress. I don t suppose any one thing has wor 
 ried me more than what should I do to be house 
 keeping? To be sure, I have never been required to 
 keep house, and of all the things that may happen to 
 me that stands in the dimmest distance. Neverthe 
 less, when any housekeeping feat is announced I feel 
 a shudder of incompetency through my inmost frame. 
 Never, never could I undertake to pull a mattress to 
 pieces, and pick a barnful of hair and make it over
 
 424 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 into sixty dollars. I believe, however, I think I do, 
 at any rate, that men s and women s tastes are one by 
 nature, and different only through education, habit, 
 custom. I suppose if I had been brought up to 
 housekeeping I should have liked it, but having lived 
 a sort of man s life, I look upon all the details of 
 ordinary woman-life as wearisome and intolerable 
 drudgery. Men have been suffered to take their ease 
 in their inn till the world has come to think it a cus 
 tom ordained of God, and women have so long "run 
 the machine" that ditto. But as soon as one is 
 freed a little from that routine, lo ! she shares all a 
 man s repugnance to it, and if a man had been trained 
 in a kitchen and a laundry, doubtless he would expect 
 nothing better. Which proves that the difference 
 between the male and female life is one of custom 
 and not of nature. 
 
 In one of your letters you ask me when a baby s 
 soul comes into the body. I don t know as a general 
 thing, but my soul came to me when I was fourteen 
 years old, to the best of my knowledge and belief. 
 That is, I began to be born then, but I don t suppose 
 I shall be fully out of the shell as long as I live 
 (pardon the slight mixture of races). The fact is 
 that the universe exists layer within layer. The soul 
 has no end of skins, as far as I can see. You burst 
 one integument and are in a new world ultimate. 
 But after a while you burst another and are in 
 another world. The world is constantly new created. 
 The robin s world is not my world. It is only this 
 spring that I have been born into a chicken s world. 
 Now I look at life from a chicken s stand-point. 
 Indian meal wears a new aspect. Eggs and fresh 
 hay and barns have put on different features and
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 425 
 
 assumed different relations. With every added ex 
 perience I suppose your plummet sinks lower and 
 lower into the ever unfathomable depths ! 
 
 For my flower garden, my ambition never went 
 beyond having flowers for the house, but then if you 
 are going to plant, you might as well plant in curves 
 as straight lines. They are more pleasing to the eye 
 and they give flowers just as well. It is very dread 
 ful to have a sound of battle in the land and great 
 destruction, but is it any more for us than slavery 
 for the negroes? Will all the physical agony and 
 mental torture produced by these three years of war 
 balance the pain of a hundred years of slavery? In 
 all the slaughter I seem to hear an awful voice ring 
 ing out the awful command, "The cup which she 
 hath filled, fill to her double." It is sad to know 
 that the innocent are perishing for the guilty, but 
 thus it has been and shall be, under the sun and 
 what did Smith O Brien say ? 
 
 " Whether on the gallows high, 
 
 Or in the battle s van, 
 The fittest place for man to die 
 Is where he dies for man." 
 
 JULY 6, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. JAMES : Is it a month, or a year, 
 or ten years, since I wrote you? So many things 
 have happened since that it might be a century. 
 What a strange thing is this writing! Two people 
 live their lives so entirely separate, with interests and 
 acquaintances, experiences and plans so entirely 
 apart, and then each leaves his world for a moment 
 and knocks at the gate of the other, and they ex 
 change greetings, compare notes, and are up and
 
 426 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 away again, sailing through unknown skies. Yet the 
 acquaintance of letters is likely to be a much more 
 real thing than the acquaintance of external relations. 
 I don t believe your grocer or your milkman, and 
 perhaps your next-door neighbor, knows you half as 
 well as I. Perhaps they know what you arc, and I, 
 what yon will become, I am not quite sure. I must 
 think about it. The people whose life satisfies and 
 strengthens me are my kinsfolk and acquaintance 
 whether 1 find them ringing the doorbell or lying in 
 wait for me on the book-shelf. How came you to 
 write to me in the first place? I mean, how came 
 you to know there was any me? and where I lived? 
 I heard them all talking about you in Concord last 
 summer, Emerson and Alcott and the rest, but I 
 did not know you, and I had not read your book, 
 and so I watched the men and forgot what they said. 
 So much sense is there in meeting people. Q. E. D. 
 
 If I am abrupt never mind. There is much to say 
 and why should we waste time in introductions? You 
 say "we are naturally mortal, not immortal." You 
 do not mean that our inward soul-life is mortal, do 
 you ? You do not mean that without redemption man 
 would be absolutely annihilated? That men and 
 horses and cows were all included in the same fate 
 till God took upon himself the form of man and by 
 that selection made man forever after immortal. If 
 you do not mean that, I think you have used words 
 that seem to mean it. If you do mean it, on what 
 grounds do you say it? It is very good discipline 
 for you to write to me ; I represent the great " many," 
 and you the great few, and when I keep pulling you 
 down to verbal explanations, instead of pouting, you 
 must smile, and be thankful for somebody who will
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 427 
 
 make you interpret yourself to the world you are to 
 benefit. I am as intelligent as the general mass, and 
 if I do not comprehend, what shall the stupid do and 
 wherewithal shall they be enlightened? I should 
 think we might fall short of God s immortal fellow 
 ship and yet be immortal. 
 
 Then again, while I admit everything you say 
 regarding the Divine origin of every good and perfect 
 gift, I can but think that you sometimes confound 
 pleasure with pride. I think yon are entirely and 
 exhaustively right in defining spiritual fellowship with 
 God and in describing His object of action ; but is 
 His utter beneficence incompatible with a conscious 
 ness of Himself, His loveliness, His perfection? If 
 your natural goodness is every moment a Divine 
 creation so much the more may you take pleasure. 
 A beautiful woman is a Divine creation. No credit is 
 due to her for her symmetry and texture and color, 
 the gloss of her hair or the gleam of her eyes. So 
 much the more is it not vanity but an appreciation of 
 the beautiful for her to enjoy her own beauty. To 
 be vain or proud is a very different thing from taking 
 pleasure. You need not claim the least credit for 
 your good qualities, for they are not yours, but God s, 
 and it is downright pride and ingratitude yes it is, 
 Mr. James ! for you not to take pleasure in reflect 
 ing on them. Don t you take pleasure in living in 
 Ashburlou Place rather than in Ann Street? It is no 
 doing of yours. If you had been born in Ann Street 
 without sufficient spiritual energy to get out of it, you 
 would be living there still in wretched degradation. 
 But do not say that I counsel you to take on airs and 
 set up a coach and crest because you live in Ashbur- 
 tou Place !
 
 428 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 So far as your letter was an explanation of its 
 predecessor it was entirely satisfactory. That one 
 should be " pleasing to God " by his natural gifts in 
 any other sense than a bird or a flower is pleasing, 
 seems almost a mathematical absurdity, or, in fact, 
 that he should be pleasing to himself. One derives 
 his intellect, his fancy, his grace, his beauty from the 
 Divine through a human medium just as much as he 
 derives his hair. To say that one cultivates these, 
 and another does not, and therefore the first deserves 
 credit, hardly alters the case, for the energy which 
 enabled the first to persevere in cultivation was also, 
 like every other perfect gift, from the Father of 
 Lights. Do we not agree here? If not, you must 
 change your opinions at once, for / am right ! 
 
 All the trouble is that you, Mr. James, the philoso 
 pher, the metaphysician, confound innocent pleasure 
 with guilty and absurd pride, while / discriminate 
 and use words with enlightened and accurate regard. 
 But if you are docile and persevering, I shall pres 
 ently practise you so much that you will come to be a 
 very clear and beneficial writer ! (You know I must 
 encourage you a little.) 
 
 Your postscript letter was not necessary to the elu 
 cidation of the preceding one. Do not give me 
 credit for more stupidity than I have a right to. 
 When a hint is given me I can sometimes follow it in 
 the right direction without a whole letter of instruc 
 tions. But yours did indeed present to me in a clear 
 and beautiful light the wholeness of certain truths 
 which, for myself, I had but partially seen. At the 
 same time it opened out to me in another direction, 
 and I want very much to ask you a question or two 
 to get your views on one or two things which I have
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 429 
 
 beeu long turning over but I am determined I will 
 not till I have read your book. Now tell me 
 yes or no is that preface yet published ! If not, 
 can t you please to publish a private copy ? take it to 
 the printers and tell them to print one and bind it 
 and advertise it, as, to your certain knowledge, it 
 is very much wanted. 
 
 When 1 was in Boston, why did you go to the 
 " Congregationalist " office for me? Do you see that 
 paper? I don t think I shall write to you again till I 
 have read " Lights " and "Shadows and Substances," 
 and such things. I hope you are enjoying the sum 
 mer. It is short, but so beautiful ! 
 
 Yours most truly, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 JULY 18, 1864. 
 
 I know I ought to be very sorry that you have 
 been ill, and really I suppose I am ; but when I think 
 what a grand letter you wrote me in the midst of it, 
 I believe, on the whole, I don t much care. Not that 
 you wrote me any letter at all, for you say yourself 
 that you must answer mine a week hence, so what 1 
 had this morning counts for nothing, and this which 
 I am writing is only a parenthesis to tell you how 
 keenly I enjoyed your incidental portrait of Concord. 
 It is better than anything I ever read in print. I 
 read it to my mother, but she hardly has sufficient 
 data fully to take in the flavor, and if I should show 
 it to two or three of my friends who are discreet, 
 would you be very angry and never write to me any 
 more? There is so much truth underlying its humor, 
 and I think it is too good to be wasted on me. 
 
 As a matter of fact, I do not wonder that Emerson
 
 430 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 should be a little sober when he used to smile. You 
 have such a heart) , unconscious way of taking the 
 breath out of one s body. You riot about among 
 people s beliefs with such evident good-natured good 
 will giving everybody " a dig," tremendous but 
 jolly;" great names and small names are all one 
 to you ! Sir William Hamilton finds himself hob-a- 
 nobbing with any Tom, Dick, and Harry, and all 
 mercilessly pelted by the same shower of stones. 
 Kant and the pigmies are brayed in one mortar, and 
 in such a rollicking manner that one can but laugh 
 whether he knows anything of their deserts or not. 
 If anybody can soundly box more ears in one para 
 graph than you do in the note on page 253, I should 
 like to see him do it. 
 
 You spoke of Mr. Sanborn, and I suppose 3*011 
 know him. I saw him a little in Concord. He seems 
 to me a man of parts and culture, but very bitter. 
 Once in a while, when this bitterness has been very 
 marked, I have been almost indignant as in a no 
 tice of Mr. Ticknor s " Life of Prescott," in which he 
 went so fin 1 out of his way to be disagreeable that it 
 was quite impressive. But I generally feel only a 
 deep regret and a profound pity. (The latter would 
 make him feel nice, wouldn t it?) I think he must 
 have had such ravages of his inner life before he 
 could have suffered such a change. lie seems to me 
 to have so much ability that I have felt sometimes 
 that I wished I could live near him and be his friend, 
 and sweeten him, and soothe him, and smooth him. 
 I almost know I could. You need not think that is 
 very presumptuous. It does not imply any especial 
 gifts or attainments. But I think people are gener 
 ally disagreeable and sour because they have been
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 431 
 
 sourly met, and all I should do in such cases would 
 be just to restore the balance of their ingredients by 
 showing to them the reverence, the regard, the defer 
 ence, the love which is the due of one human being 
 towards another. Love and reverence are my great 
 panacea for every sickness under the sun. 
 
 As for Mr. Alcott, 1 am quite shocked at your pro 
 fanity. If he is a Z he is surely the sage-est 
 
 looking one that ever was. What can be more like a 
 benign old philosopher than his tall figure and his 
 pale face, and his beautiful white hair and beard? 
 And then he talked to me, and I was awed, and took 
 me into his study and showed me things, and came 
 to my house on purpose to see me, and that com 
 pleted the conquest ; and I thought him a very, very 
 wise man, and the angel Gabriel could not convince 
 me that he does not look like one. I don t remember 
 anything in particular that he said, but he looked like 
 Plato himself. 
 
 Mrs. Hawthorne invited Miss Elizabeth Hoar to 
 the house while I was there, and I spent an evening 
 with her. Did I make her acquaintance? Well, I 
 walked round her and if I were wholly the wild beast 
 that I seem, I should say that I made her acquain 
 tance, but because under ever so many hides there is 
 a little angel folded up and tucked away, but trying 
 always harder to get out, I say no, I did not make 
 her acquaintance. But I saw her eyes and her lips, 
 and her hands and her movements, and I know that 
 clay could have worn such light only from the shining 
 of a beautiful soul. "And yet," you say, " she reads 
 Greek like old Porson." Now, Mr. James, I object 
 to nothing here but the " yet." What have I got hold 
 of in this unknown correspondent of mine ? I thought
 
 432 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 it was a rare but real creature, a man with a spirit 
 that goeth upward and not the spirit of the beast that 
 goeth downward to the earth. And now he says, 
 " and yet ! ! " So I am, contingently, his friend, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 AUGUST 12, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR MK. JAMES : It is my present design to 
 give you what the world s people call a trouncing. 
 You surely deserve it, and richly. When common 
 people see things awry, I can stand it, but what were 
 your clear eyes given you for, but to discern the form 
 and position and relations of things just as they are? 
 And do you suppose I will let } - ou come to me with 
 your views all zig-zag and not attempt to straighten 
 you out ? You need not cry for mercy and forbear 
 ance on the strength of the " sovereignly amiable and 
 excellent little wife," and her "admirable culture," 
 and Moses and all the prophets. I appeal to Caesar, 
 to that very sovereign herself. It shall be just as 
 Mrs. James says. If she thinks she has trained you 
 so thoroughly that it is not possible for me in any 
 respect to set you right, I yield at once. No, on the 
 whole I won t, for wives somehow become so demor 
 alized by living with their husbands, that they cannot 
 look upon them as abstract beings right or wrong, but 
 as Franks and Henrys whose qualities are all concre 
 tions, and their worse reasons have therefore no sort 
 of difficulty in appearing to wife s eyes the better 
 reasons. 
 
 The first count of the indictment is the matter of 
 Elizabeth Hoar and her Greek. I shall have very 
 hard work with you because good and evil are so 
 mixed together in your opinions that it is difficult to
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 433 
 
 shoot at this without hitting that. I agree with you 
 in desiring to have women distinct and different from 
 man. I agree with you that if she could become like 
 unto one of us us means you here it would be 
 the last calamity that earth could suffer, but you, O 
 faithless and perverse man, have not trust in nature. 
 You seem to think that woman must be kept away 
 from the tree of knowledge lest she should thereby 
 become manny. I don t think you could make woman 
 like man if you should goad and lash her to it. You 
 can warp her away from her own true type, but you 
 cannot make her like yourself. I believe so strongly 
 in the adequacy of the Divine power to the Divine 
 purpose that I believe all you men have to do is to sit 
 still and see the salvation of the Lord. Only let 
 women alone, let them study or sew, let them follow 
 the bent of their own nature, give them leisure, oppor 
 tunity, freedom, and never fear the issue. Y"ou see 
 how poor and mean all art and science have left our 
 common life, and not unnaturally you desire women 
 to let them alone ; but you wait ! Let woman look into 
 art and science, and see whether they have not some 
 thing in them for the adornment of this very life. 
 Mr. James, you men don t know yet what there is in 
 the world for the world. You have looked with only 
 half an eye. You have touched the world with mas 
 culine hands. What remains is for women to retouch 
 it to beauty and holiness and grace. It is altogether 
 become filthy. You see it and in despair cry out to 
 women to keep "hands off." Not so. It is filthy, 
 but it has all possibilities of the utmost purity and my 
 cry to women is to take hold of it and scrub it up till 
 we shall have out of the old a new Heaven and a new 
 earth wherein dwelleth righteousness. That is an ele-
 
 434 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 gant figure, isn t it? It is one that appeals to women 
 much better than I wish it did. You yourself see 
 proofs of the truth of this, but you are so impressed 
 with your foregone conclusions that they do not prove 
 anything, but are to you simply inexplicable. You 
 see that a woman gets out of her Greek something 
 which men do not get. You see that out of the strong 
 comes forth sweetness, but instead of going on from 
 particulars to universals, instead of saying, " Why, 
 this lovely white lily sprang from the very mud that 
 only soils my boots. Then there must be somewhat 
 in the mud that I did not find, some pure principle 
 akin to the sun and stars," you stand and stare und 
 say, " and yet she reads Greek ! " 
 
 Mr. James, you are head and shoulders above your 
 kind, a Saul among the brethren, in this matter of 
 women. Nevertheless you have not attained all truth. 
 Believe that a woman may become more intellectual 
 without becoming less personal, believe that woman 
 never can be a true student of art or science from 
 " mere ostentation," believe that the self-same things 
 which have ministered only emptiness to man s self- 
 sufficiency shall minister fulness and grace for grace 
 when they thrill beneath a woman s finer touch. I 
 say these things not including myself. I seem to 
 myself to stand without. I claim none of the finer 
 attributes of my sex. I am not in the world. But I 
 can put my " listening ear to the harmonic shell," and 
 I know there is a melody there which would bring 
 heart-healing if the world would but soothe itself 
 to listen. I would "level all barriers between the 
 sexes," because I believe the sexes are so eternally 
 and inmostly separate and distinct that they need no 
 barriers but only the utmost freedom to develop at
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 435 
 
 their own sweet will into a beauty and strength that 
 the world has never dreamed of. You might as well 
 put a Chinese wall around the earth to keep it from 
 becoming the sun. 
 
 And let me tell you, Mr. James, that Mrs. Haw 
 thorne is one of the sweetest, loveliest, mother-est 
 women I ever saw. I mind not whether she takes 
 root on common earth or upper air; her leaves are 
 green, her blossoms fair, and her fruit such as rejoiceth 
 the heart of God and man. Her feet may not be on 
 terra firma, but they are beautiful upon the moun 
 tains. She is full of loving kindness. I do not know 
 how broad her sympathies are, but they are very deep. 
 In her home she is a nursing mother, replete with all 
 tenderness. You do not know how beautiful her life 
 is, and how beautiful is her family. 
 
 I have read your last letter over as I have read 
 all your letters many times ; and while I have to 
 thank you for much light, making of old truths a new 
 revelation, and while I am especially grateful to God 
 for the spirit that is in you, which seems to me 
 rich and rare, I cannot help thinking that you go a long 
 way round, where I should make a short cut across 
 lots. Nevertheless, I have a profound respect for 
 every person s individuality, and the problem of life 
 has uot given me so little disquietude that I should 
 look with indifference upon any attempt at its solution. 
 If you find solace and peace in }-our way, and in that 
 alone, then go your way and the blessing of the Lord go 
 with you. For me, it seems more simple and no 
 less satisfactory to believe that every good gift and 
 every perfect gift is from above, that every evil and 
 wicked thing is from below, and to love the good 
 God directly and outright. I do not think that one
 
 436 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 is any more dear to God than another, for He loves 
 all the souls that He has made, and died for Arnold 
 and the Borgias just as truly as for Paul or Luther ; 
 but I cannot believe it is necessary for me to 
 undergo the illumination of an experience like the 
 Borgias in order to come into contact with reality. 
 The germs of all evil are sufficiently obvious in the 
 heart to hint what its fruit may be without their ex 
 panding into full-grown trees. I am not careful to 
 dig below my own consciousness to ascertain what is 
 the me and what is the not me, and between what you 
 take out of me on the one side as Divine, and on the 
 other side as diabolic, I cannot see that there is much 
 of human left to work on. Yet here I think the 
 difficulty rather in the expression of the fact than in 
 the fact itself. Practically I find it not hard, but 
 most easy, natural, and grateful to give all glory to 
 the Lord, but I must truly tell you that I do not 
 know of any old nature with which I have so deadly 
 a quarrel that I cannot even tolerate its pleasant 
 things. It seenis to me that you think of a nature 
 created absolutely new by Christ, while I think of a 
 redemption so complete that the old nature is the 
 same as new. I like the old nature that He gave me 
 at first, so utterly clarified by Christ s blood as to 
 contain no longer anything common or unclean, 
 now pure, I mean capable of being pure, such a 
 nature as God meant and witnessed in its far-off 
 completion to be sure, when He pronounced it very 
 good, such a nature as He designed from the founda 
 tion of the world. In this nature it seems to me 
 that whatsoever things are just, honorable, lovely, 
 pure, and pleasant have their fitting place. And 
 with all these I am not conscious of any reluctance
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 437 
 
 to ascribe all things good to God, the only good. I 
 am not conscious of taking any pleasure in anything 
 except as one with Him. If I am sure of anything, 
 I am sure that I claim it seems almost irreverent 
 to say it even for denial no consideration from the 
 Most High, above the meanest idiot or the most 
 hardened villain of the earth. On the contrary ii it 
 were possible to speak of claims they would have 
 the greater right, being the greatest sufferers from 
 creation. The robber and murderer may not have 
 sinned against so much light in robbing and murder 
 ing as I, in fretting or losing my temper, and so 
 his crime may be less guilty than my sin. And I 
 hope that somehow good will be the final goal of 
 ill, even of an ill so sore as his. So far as I have 
 had an opportunity to observe the respectable and 
 the disreputable I can much more easily reconcile 
 my own eternal loss with God s justice than I could 
 the loss of the miserable wretches who seem never 
 to have had a fair chance in life. 
 
 I have no doubt that your theory seems to you 
 positively self-luminous, but you have come to it by 
 regular steps and you stand on the inside of it 
 and see all its bearings. And you have done me 
 great service, but a service that lies in the line of 
 my theory rather than yours. I incorporate into my 
 life all of yours which I can assimilate, and con 
 sider it legal plunder, but I cannot comfort you 
 by becoming any less " deucedly respectable," even 
 for so good a purpose as you propose. You do more 
 for me by helping me to the interpretation of my 
 dream than by relating to me your own. The Evan 
 gelist commends his Evangel, is its best commen 
 tary, yet cannot make all its crooked paths straight.
 
 438 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 But cannot we be good friends even if we do not 
 stand on the same plane ? 
 
 Yours most truly, 
 
 MARY A. DODGE. 
 
 Later. 
 
 I am afraid this letter looks as if I fancied I 
 had weighed your system in the balance and found 
 it wanting. Nothing of the sort. All I say is, such 
 knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is high, I 
 cannot attain unto it. It seems to me that I can 
 get to God more easily. You thread a labyrinth 
 for the narrow way. But you have the thread and 
 an inward light, which though it does not shine 
 upon me strongly enough to take me safely ami sim 
 ply through your path, has yet shed a very kindly 
 and timely illumination upon mine. 
 
 I wish I could say something to assure you how 
 very deeply I am mindful of your what shall I 
 say ? Kindness is not quite the word perhaps 
 courtesy will do if you distend it with all the fine 
 ness and meaning it can hold. But I shall not come 
 any nearer my meaning by keeping on, so I will bid 
 you good-night. On Wednesday I go to Peter 
 borough, N.H., for a week or two. Once more, 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 SEPTEMBER 2, 1864. 
 
 I send you the verses you asked for. They were 
 written on the eve of the Presidential election eight 
 years ago, " in the heat of youthful blood," but don t 
 mention this fact, for they fit now quite as well as
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 439 
 
 they did then ; and I have a small hope that they may 
 do a little service now, and I fear if they were known 
 to be so old they might be considered superannuated. 
 They were originally sent to the " N. Y. Times," but 
 as they did not appear there, and as I was then a 
 novice in the ways of newspapers, I supposed they 
 were clean given over, and sent them to a Hartford 
 paper, perhaps the " Courant," where they soon ap 
 peared, but to my great dismay the day before elec 
 tion brought them out as large as life in the "Times." 
 However, I was not arrested for forgery, and justice 
 still sleeps. I have told you these things because you 
 know what an inexhaustible delight it is to talk about 
 ourselves. 
 
 Did I say my sweet peas came up? So they did, 
 about six inches, and then they stretched out their 
 tiny fingers imploringly and died with all their sweet 
 ness in them. Not a single bud or blossom, not the 
 simulacricula of one (you think in Latin and the Latin 
 comes: Pope s " P^ssay on Man"). So I am not 
 pacific on the subject of sweet peas, and I entreat you 
 not to be leguminous when I am lugubrious. 
 
 About " Agricultural College." Mr. D. says I must 
 not speak against your being president, there is no one 
 else fit, and it is unpatriotic. Pray consider, therefore, 
 that every iron word of discouragement is transmuted 
 into golden instigation. I know I am a selfish person, 
 self-centred, self- thinking, a miserable and unworthy 
 creature, who look upon things in general in their 
 relations to me-ward. Why do not moral writers have 
 clearer ideas of what selfishness is ? They talk as if 
 to be selfish is to do selfish things. Nonsense. You 
 may do beneficent things every day of your life, sac 
 rifice all your inclinations to others good, give your
 
 440 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 body to be burned, and yet be all the while inwardly 
 dwelling on your own self, and so on the very pinnacle 
 of selfishness. 
 
 Your picture is right up and down handsome, and 
 there is no use in mincing the matter. " Pretty they 
 that pretty do " is a maxim well enough for the nurs 
 ery, but it falls to pieces when taken out into the air, 
 and becomes Pretty they that pretty are, " of whom 
 what does St. Paul say ? " 
 
 I think you did very wisely in not specifying my 
 " obliquity." Nothing is more impertinent or more 
 useless than to tell people their faults. The proba 
 bility is that they know them already a great deal 
 better than you do. Doubtless the very thing of which 
 you deem me guilty is the glory of my innocence, nay, 
 the very crown of my virtue. You pride yourself on 
 your carpentering and your close-clipped hedges. My 
 good sir, just add to all your office, shop, and out 
 door work Mrs. Pamela s and the housemaid s (I 
 don t cook) share, and then question whether you can 
 be justly accused of neglect, even if Rome is not built 
 and finished in a day ! I thank you for your kind 
 offer to " come over and tell me what to do," but I 
 assure you you would be much more serviceable to 
 come over and do it. I know perfectly well what to 
 do now but to get it done, hoc opus hie labor est. 
 Henry, thou reasonest well when thou sayest it is not 
 necessary to take hold of people in order to be friendly. 
 For well thou knowest that on the day when thou 
 takest hold of me I shall elude thy grasp and thou 
 wilt have under thy hand only a pillar of salt, which 
 thou wilt immediately trade off with the Southern Con 
 federacy, while I shall stand on some far hill-top and 
 mock at thy discomfiture.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 441 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 SEPTEMBER 13, 1864. 
 
 Will you please say to Mrs. Bridge that I was at 
 the mountains when her note came, and did not get it 
 till it was too late to send to her at Saratoga, and I 
 knew not whither from there the angel had sped her 
 flight. However, as you and she effected a conjunc 
 tion, it is just as well as if I had written. How time 
 works for us if only we will lie still and let him ! 
 
 So little Peter Parker still lives. I have wondered 
 many times whether his precious little body held 
 together. I wish you would tell me something about 
 him. Is he pretty? Is he bright? Is he like other 
 children, or is he like his father and his mother? Can 
 he talk? And is his father s soul bound up in him? 
 Is he wisely entreated ? I do hope he will live to be 
 a joy and pride to the good man his father, and the 
 good woman his mother, all the days of their lives. 
 
 Fie upon you, that you cannot even sit down to 
 the communion table without having a fling at Con 
 necticut ! Why, Mr. Wood, if you should ever, with 
 so bad a spirit, be admitted to heaven, you will go 
 prying about to see if the sardonyx and jasper are 
 not glass, and, finding there is no deception, I fear 
 not even the genius loci will not prevent you from cry 
 ing out "Ha! ha! no Connecticut people here 
 that s plain ! " 
 
 Mr. Curtis invited me to his wedding, which was to 
 be a fortnight or so ago, but I did not get the invita 
 tion till after the deed was done. He is married to 
 a Miss Hubbard, daughter of ex-Governor Hubbard 
 of Maine, and one of the best of women a real 
 " fine lady." A friend has been moaning for me to
 
 442 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 come to her wedding, and at last I concluded to go, 
 and went to Salem for a new dress, since you cannot 
 attend weddings in rags. But my dressmaker iy going 
 to be married herself, and has " shut up shop," and 
 in all Salem was not a dress that I would stoop to 
 look at a second time. I wanted a white corded mus 
 lin, or a very thin gossamer, something also white. 
 So I have given up the wedding altogether, and I did 
 not want to go in the first place. I don t like to go 
 to weddings anyway, unless they are in church and 
 people I don t know. For me you may prepare your 
 bridal gifts whenever you like, but Mr. D., though 
 a very warm friend of mine, is the husband of one 
 wife and blameless as St. Paul would have him, and 
 the father of four children, so I shall hardly come at 
 much silver-plate through him. You see I count upon 
 your being mulcted in nothing less than a silver 
 service, to say the least, upon that interesting occa 
 sion. 
 
 I stayed in Peterboro a week, and much enjoyed 
 the quietness, the mountain air, the cream and cus 
 tards, and nothing to do, the drives and walks 
 and talks. Since I came home I have been vari 
 ously and busily occupied with friends, both in the 
 flesh and on paper. Not much to speak of but a 
 good deal to think of and to do. At present we are 
 thinking a good deal about election. The Lord send 
 us right hearts and right hands to vote for the truth 
 and for righteousness. One of our boys, a three 
 years man, has just come home, full of fire for Grant 
 and victory. Good- by. 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 M. A. D.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 443 
 
 SEPTEMBER 16, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. JAMES : I wrote you a very thorny 
 and prickly letter yesterday, and I am afraid you 
 won t want me to write you another, so I am going 
 to hurry up this before you have time to tell me so, 
 and then you cannot help yourself. 
 
 I did get your letter in Peterboro , and I was rap 
 idly working down to its place in the pile when a 
 second one came and stole its brother s birthright, 
 and keeps stealing it, for there are quite many things 
 I wish to say in reply to your last, and one is that I 
 am not preparing to publish" anything on the sub 
 ject you mentioned, for it is already prepared, and 
 only awaits the slow movements of the steam-press 
 and the Presidential election to " stun with its giddy 
 larura half the town," especially that half that lies in 
 the immediate vicinity of Ashburtou Place. And I 
 was going to send you an early copy, but I don t 
 think I shall now, unless you beg for it very hard 
 indeed. I suppose I can have my head cut off as well 
 as another, but I don t think it is my duty to send up 
 by telegraph the ax that is to do it. I always thought 
 it was very cruel in the old schoolmasters to make 
 boys go out into the woods and cut and trim the very 
 twig they were to be flogged with. 
 
 And so you are going to sit still in heaven and not 
 speak unless you are spoken to. Oh, but you need 
 not try to make me believe that. Or, if you do, you 
 will keep making signs to me to come over and make 
 you a speech, so that you can be released from your 
 self-imposed vow, and I am so amiable that I shall 
 do it, and I shall talk much better than I can now, 
 and I shall show you what a wicked man you are to 
 live \vitliiu the sound of the Boston church-going bell,
 
 444 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 under the droppings of Dr. Kirk s sanctuary, and talk 
 about profane Sundays and holy Mondays ! Oh-o-o, 
 anybody might know you were a man, and did not 
 have the washing to see to. Then, too, my tongue 
 being loosed, I shall show you how sadly you are out 
 of sorts to me-ward, and you will be filled with re 
 morse, and beg my pardon with tears in your eyes, 
 and then I shall feel so badly that I have made you 
 unhappy that I shall forgive you right uway before 
 the impression is half deep enough, and I should not 
 wonder if you should go and do the same thing over 
 again. But do not you impose upon my good nature 
 even in heaven. 
 
 To make a descent from heaven into our vestry 
 do we have a winter course of lectures ? We do not, 
 sir. " A course of lectures," a citizen of Hamilton 
 might say with Pet Marjorie, " is a thing I am not a 
 member of " And as to Cailyle, if I should mention 
 his name to my friends and fellow-citizens, they would 
 immediately ask me if he is a Union man or " Copper 
 head." Remembering Troja in nuce, I could not 
 depose and say that he was as loyal as one could 
 desire, and they would at once decide that no vestry 
 of ours should be opened for the like of him. But 
 that will make no difference to you, Mr. James, be 
 cause I never, no, never, go on the platform to shake 
 hands with the lecturer, and if I knew it was you I 
 should sit behind a post and go straight out the mo 
 ment lecture was over, and watch you through the 
 blinds the next morning, because you would have to 
 go by my house on your way to the station. 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. F. were down here the other day, 
 and I asked them about you. You will understand I 
 should not demean myself by any coarse questioning.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 445 
 
 I choose to know of my friends only what they choose 
 to reveal, but I got no good from my fields, for they 
 answered up with such an enthusiasm of regard that 
 they might as well not have spoken at all. I did not 
 want to know whether your friends like you or not, 
 but whether you are such a person that people who 
 have no armor and no arms would be likely to be shot 
 down dead by you, and that I did not find out. 
 
 As for your inviting me to Ashburton Place, I 
 assure you it is quite out of the question, because 
 there would be how many? Garth, and Harry, and 
 "my daughter," and Mrs. James, four more reasons 
 for my not going there than there are for your not 
 coming here. I know what a nice family it is, for 
 the F. s told me, especially the queen-mother, and 
 when you are sitting in your corner in heaven, with 
 them all around you, I shall walk in with the utmost 
 nonchalance, and greet you all around as composedly 
 as if you had all been rocked in my cradle, and we 
 shall immediately enter into the liveliest discussion, 
 won t it be nice ? and not have a thought about our 
 selves. 
 
 11 All instincts immature, 
 All purposes unsure, 
 Thoughts hardly to be packed 
 Into a narrow act, 
 
 Fancies that broke through language and escaped ; 
 All I could never be, 
 All, men ignored in me." 
 
 AVon t it be charming to have it all set free, and every 
 one be himself to the very utmost be all that God 
 made and meant him to be ? 
 
 To go back to Peterboro , at which you had a 
 fling, of course it is not so nice as Northampton. I
 
 446 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 suppose the best place out of Massachusetts is not to 
 be compared to the worst place in it, nevertheless, 
 Peterboro was very well to do, with its green hills 
 and running waters and Monadnock for inspiration. 
 It was the mountains in a modified condition, and 
 rides on the top of a stage-coach, sometimes high up 
 on mountain ridges, and sometimes through woods so 
 close that you seem to be driving your coach and six 
 through a golden-green tube well, it is not North 
 ampton, but it is very well in its way. So far from 
 the people being -set up" by my advent, I assure 
 you they maintained the greatest tranquillity, and had 
 not even a suspicion that a chiel was amang em takin 
 notes, as indeed there wasn t, so I ate my baked 
 apples, cream, and custards, in deep peace, like any 
 other boarder, which was very satisfactory. 
 
 The letter which you sent to me at Petcrboro con 
 tained a very clear statement. I think I comprehend 
 it, and I think, too, that one reason why your views 
 are hard to be understood and easy to be denied, and 
 will therefore not command, at any rate for a good 
 \vhile, the popular acceptation, is because you use 
 words in a sense different from their ordinary one. 
 It seems to me that the main difference between you 
 and theologians at large is that you believe to the 
 depth what they believe only superficially. You carry 
 tilings out to their meanings, while others let them 
 slide out of sight after the first step or two. For in 
 stance, your ideas of good and evil, in their origin, 
 are, I suppose, taught in every church in Christendom, 
 but I never saw any one, except you, who ever in 
 quired what there was left after the universal affirma 
 tion of God and the devil, and the consequent entire 
 negation of self. Up to that point I can accompany
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 447 
 
 you with equal step, but after that I only follow, 
 loitgo intervallo. I agree with you just as I agree with 
 Euclid, I assent to the simple truth of your proposi 
 tions, but T could not originate them, and I shall, I 
 am sure, constantly be making combinations which 
 will prove beyond doubt that I have forgotten these 
 first principles, and therefore never did become thor 
 oughly imbued with them, because 
 
 " All that is, at all, 
 
 Lasts ever, past recall ; 
 What entered into thee, 
 That was, is, anil shall be." 
 
 What I mean is this : I understand well enough that 
 our phenomenal life is not our real, true, everlasting 
 life, but that the true life is hid with Christ in God. 
 But what is the "us," the "our"? If our life is a 
 continual spiritual communication from God, where is 
 the dividing line between us and God? When He 
 made a living soul what did He make? Did He 
 make us absolutely without spiritual capacity, so that 
 at some definite time after we were born He must 
 communicate to us His spirit, Himself, or else we 
 should die out of life just like a sunset? Is our im 
 mortality only a subsequent gift, a complement? 
 And if this be so, what is the sign of His coming? 
 When does our immortality begin? Who gives the 
 signal, who commences the work? And if we die 
 before this spiritual inflow of God begins, what be 
 comes? Is there a mere physical, mental resurrec 
 tion for the merely physical and mental power? 
 
 And again after these lines of communication 
 between God and the soul are opened, cannot one 
 then approach God directly? Shall not one then
 
 448 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 speak with God face to face, as a man speaketh with 
 his friend? 
 
 If you keep answering my questions you will have 
 a new volume of essays written before you know it, 
 and I will publish them, ti la Whately, as " James 
 Easy Lessons." 
 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 MARY ABBY DODGE. 
 
 SEPTEMBER 17, 1864. 
 To His EXCELLENCY THE JUDGE, GREETING : 
 
 If you had not been naughty and written your let 
 ter on Sunday, perhaps I should have answered it so 
 that you could have received the answer this week. 
 Instead of which you have been forced to languish 
 through all these many days without it ! Do you not 
 see now that virtue alone is rewarded and vice pun 
 ished, outside a court-room? But there, poor creat 
 ure, I do suppose you are so dis-taste-ed with the 
 thieves and rogues of the six days, that it makes 
 quite a Sunday to sit down and write to any one who 
 is not " up" for trial, no matter how much he or she 
 may deserve sentence. That is why I always thought 
 it would be nice to marry a lawyer. He would have 
 to do with people so very bad, and greedy, and dis 
 honest, that his wife would seem good and whole 
 some and pleasant to him, even if she were not the 
 very Queen of the Antilles for unselfishness and so 
 forth ( !). I told a lie up yonder, for I never thought 
 of it till this minute, but it has made a violent im 
 pression on me. Consult Mrs. "Pamela," I like 
 to use that name, it seems so stately and Old 
 English, and report her opinion on the subject.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 449 
 
 About my picture ; for the eleventh time let me tell 
 you that I haven t any card picture. I cannot have 
 a picture, because the sun won t take me. He shuts 
 his eyes close, and passes by on the other side when I 
 go a-photographing. He winks up at Lyra and the 
 dog star as soon as he espies me, takes off his hat to 
 Orion, and sits down in Cassiopeia s chair, staring all 
 about him, and to every attempt to make him look in 
 my direction he reiterates only that he "don t see" 
 me. Project from your imagination a picture which 
 shall represent to your mind s eye, Horatio, all you 
 would have me be, and then make believe that it is 
 me pardon the grammar for the sake of the eu 
 phony. 
 
 Thank you for your good will in promising to de- 
 feud my book, but I rather think you will find it quite 
 enough to defend yourself. Besides, the book, like 
 Massachusetts, needs no defence. There she is, I 
 shall say to the waiting world, behold her, and judge 
 for yourselves. There are title page, finis, covers, 
 and chapters, and there they will remain for ever ! and 
 if you, my friend, can show yourself friendly only 
 by the wrong in that book, I despair of ever finding 
 in you anything but a foernan. For that book, O 
 Gaul, is what Mrs. Browning would call " a blotch 
 of light." Do } r ou ever read Browning ? I do. I read 
 him right straight through, not Sordello," but Dram 
 atis Personoe," and "Men and Women," and such. 
 Seven-eighths of it I don t understand, but the other 
 eighth has more substance in it than most people s 
 whole. Nobody says things obliquely like Browning. 
 You know the old prophets are supposed to have had 
 two meanings to their prophecies, one a secondary 
 and ultimate meaning, the other the primary, local,
 
 450 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 temporary one. Browning is such an old prophet. 
 He says things finely, but he means magnificently. 
 
 The summer dies lingeringly, but it dies. Oh, woe 
 is me, who want it always summer, who live only in 
 the summer ! Just so far as it is winter I am con 
 gealed. I have no outward life. Once I wrote a 
 poem, " Summer Gone," and you may well believe 
 it was lovely. It wasn t a poem, it was a wail. 
 
 If you publish my letters you will wake up one 
 morning and find the world all on tiptoe about a new 
 book that has appeared over night, called "Tit for 
 Tat ; " and when you come to open it you will find it 
 is your own epistles, as large as life. 
 
 [To MR. JAMES.] 
 
 SEPTEMBER 21, 1864. 
 
 Can t I understand a parable as well as another? 
 The words of the wise, and their dark sayings? I 
 did not come to you by the regular way of introduc 
 tion and handshaking, and sit down and behave 
 myself through an intolerable half-hour, but you 
 found me cradled in an " Atlantic Monthly," and left 
 on some stone door-step or lower vestibule of your 
 life. 
 
 I have no business to be writing you now, and that 
 is why I persist in doing it. I always did have a 
 passion for putting my head into the lion s mouth, 
 and if his jaws do not yawn wide enough it is I for 
 taking hold and giving them a stretch ! The which 
 also I am now forward to do. 
 
 I don t wonder that you " beg off." Anybody 
 that oould read that letter of mine, and then malign 
 it as you did, has need to entreat that Nemesis would 
 stay her hand. But Nemesis has you and is not go-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 451 
 
 ing to let you go for all your sighs and tears. Why, 
 it was a lovely letter! I would be willing, as parlia 
 mentarians say, to go to the country on that letter, 
 and you see if I wouldn t get all the votes. It is 
 little to say it was logical, it was logic itself, and 
 you talk of John Locke and Dr. Channing ! You 
 must know in your heart that neither the one nor tke 
 other could write a letter that should begin to com 
 pare with that. It might have been more elegant, 
 but it would not be half so convincing. The facts, 
 my philosopher, I suppose to be these : that letter 
 knocked away all the props on which you have been 
 accustomed to lean. It revealed to you the abysm 
 of error into which you have been falling for a time 
 longer than it took a person I may not name, but 
 whom you consider a gentleman, to fall into a place 
 which I deem it more fitting not further to designate. 
 The consequence of a revelation so sudden, and a 
 discomfiture so entire, was that you were speechless, 
 and if I could only have held my tongue which, by 
 the way, I never could do I should have come off 
 with all your flags, cannon, and munitions of war. 
 But I must needs go and write another letter at which 
 you clutch as a drowning man clutches at a straw, 
 and over that recover breath to assume a new posi 
 tion. And what are some of the features of this 
 new position? Why, in the first place, this man steps 
 up and as good as tells me I don t know anything ! 
 I who know Latin, and Greek, and French, and Ger 
 man, and Spanish, at any rate, know which is 
 which, if I don t know which is, and all the ologies, 
 and osophies, and ographies that amount to anything, 
 and what I don t know I make up, so it s all one as 
 if I knew them. I who am such a learned woman
 
 452 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 that my neighbor affirms, with horror depicted on 
 every lineament, that he would not for the world have 
 women in general know so much as I do, and here 
 comes a man not six months out of Rhode Island and 
 informs me that I am a Know-Nothing ! He surely 
 has every confidence in the sweetness of my temper 
 if he has none in my acquisitions. Fortunately his 
 confidence is not so ill-placed as his faithlessness, yet 
 I may entreat with Sir Anthony Absolute, " Don t put 
 me in a passion ! " for there is no telling what I may 
 be left to do. 
 
 " A truce to essays," you cry sagaciously, having 
 fared so ill in my essaying hands. "A truce to 
 besiegers," doubtless cries young Hood below At 
 lanta. "A truce to navies," frantically gesticulates 
 Mobile before Farragut s victorious ships, and I doubt 
 not, if we could get at the truth, we should find that 
 Mr. Jefferson Davis entertains so very mean an opin 
 ion of Grant and his army that he would like nothing 
 better than to proclaim " a truce to fighting," and im 
 mediately take ship and bury his name and fame in 
 some shadowy isle of Eden lying in dark purple 
 spheres of sea in the back yard of Locksley Hall. 
 But there can be no truce to the wrong ; now then 
 dear, discomfited, down-cast yet defiant metaphysi 
 cian, why not own up like a major-general and con 
 fess though a fox you are watched by a crane 9 Say 
 right out fair and square with becoming humility, " O 
 thrice and four times learned ! Peccavinms." 
 
 But rave not thus ! and I won t be hard upon you. 
 You beg me to be good. I am sorry to disoblige 
 you, but I wasted all the early years of my life in 
 premature goodness, and shall have no opportunity for 
 any works of supererogation at this late day. I do
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 453 
 
 suppose I was the goodest, gravest, sedatest, vir- 
 tuousest, little girl that ever was, but it never came 
 to anything, so then at fourteen I turned about and 
 was born and began new. 
 
 And by the way, it just occurs to me that your phil 
 osophy turns the key in the lock I have been vainly 
 trying to pick these many years namely, how I 
 came to be both so good and so learned ! I hope 
 this will leave you in a more humble and docile frame 
 of mind than it has found you, and if it does, you 
 will owe it all to me, who, through evil report and 
 through good report, will you, uill you, am your firm 
 and faithful chastiser and friend, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 OCTOBER 7. 
 
 Don t you see what an inexpressible comfort and 
 solace underlie all grief where you see that the grief 
 is a thing of dust and ashes only, and the com 
 fort is as infinite as God ? Nothing but moral bad 
 ness reaches beyond this world, and why should you 
 break your heart over anything which, however dread 
 ful, is not that? Now don t think I am just saying 
 this. I believe it from the depths of my heart. I 
 don t know whether I should be so well able to act 
 upon it myself as I am to recommend such action to 
 you. I don t like to have people fret and whine, 
 but I dare say a good real heart-cry does good, and 
 if you want it you shall have it. If he sleeps well 
 I don t see how he can help getting well. 
 
 The new book is a very hateful and quarrelsome 
 little book, but 1 hope it will bring forth the peace-
 
 454 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 able fruits of righteousness, especially in those that 
 will be exercised thereby, of whom you are chief. 
 
 OCTOBER 29, 1864. 
 
 The beauty of liking people is that you can talk to 
 them without saying anything, according to my think 
 ing. There was a woman once hanging clothes to dry. 
 Her baby came up and took a pillow-case from the 
 basket, dragged it along, and held it up for her to 
 hang. It did not help her much, for she had the pil 
 low-case to wash over again, but she caught up the 
 baby and hugged and kissed him as furiously as if he 
 had been a washer, wringer, and mangle, all in one. 
 By the way, what is a mangle ? I don t know, nor 
 you either for that matter, but it is something about 
 washing-day. I saw the word yesterday, and impress 
 it into service before the new gets rubbed off. Now, 
 don t be in a pet. I scarcely ever am with any one I 
 really like unless it is something more than a pet, 
 something so fatal as to prevent all future free inter 
 flow. I never did see anything so badly put together 
 (humanly speaking) as I am. I have no end of rudi 
 mentary good possibilities, but they never can come 
 to anything. I might just as well be a stupid, dingy, 
 ignorant Irish washerwoman, for all the personal ser 
 vice I can do anybody. I cannot be any more avail 
 able to you or anybody else in a rational way than a 
 brickbat, and yet there is so much good in me if it 
 could only be brought to bear. I suppose if I really 
 were a brickbat I should not feel at all out of place 
 shying at people s heads all the time, but as it is I 
 cannot help thinking it looks like a waste of material. 
 However, it is all only to show you that you never 
 ought to be vexed the verv least little bit in the world
 
 BUSY YP;ARS IN HAMILTON 455 
 
 at anything I do, and especially at anything I don t do, 
 because you know if it is a pin s point to you it is a 
 bayonet s thrust to me. I dare say the world will 
 get along well enough without me. Only perhaps 1 
 might be a little more comfortable not to be so zig- 
 
 zag-gy- 
 
 We had a one hundred and fiftieth anniversary the 
 other evening, and an extract was read from Dr. 
 Cutler s fifty-years-ago sermon, in whicli he told his 
 hearers they must answer one day for the manner in 
 which they had listened, and he for the manner in 
 which he had preached. I thought, as I sat there, 
 that has happened. They have answered. The great 
 day has come, and undoubtedly they were all sur 
 prised at the turn things took. Now, what will it 
 matter a hundred and fifty years hence, and still more 
 a hundred and fifty thousand, even if a few years 
 were dropped out of earth? If only those that re 
 mained planted in us the seeds of truth, " the hate of 
 hate, the scorn of scorn, the love of love," we can 
 well afford to wait awhile to let them germinate. 
 
 I have been committing no foolishness in the 
 atmospheres, but a great wisdom. Nevertheless, let 
 me loathe and abhor it while I can, because the mo 
 ment it comes out, you know, I must stand up for it. 
 I am not in the least afraid of losing my friends, as 
 you will see, but when I wake so early in the morning 
 that it seems to be night I have great shudders some 
 times, but in the daylight I fear nothing. Neverthe 
 less, I hate the necessity that brought forth that book. 1 
 After a thing is out of my hands, and before it is in 
 them again, I experience the peine fort et dure. I 
 do not remember what I have said, and I imagine all 
 
 1 " A New Atmosphere."
 
 456 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 sorts of fearful things. Unseen evils are the most 
 formidable, and this time the eclipse is so long that I 
 have time for all manner of suggestions. 
 
 I have no complaint of my own to make against 
 anyone, nor do I live alone 
 
 God s own profound 
 Is above me, and round me the mountains, 
 
 And under, the sea, 
 And within me my heart to bear witness 
 
 What was and shall be." 
 
 All this gray sky and gray trees and gray earth, 
 what is it but a mere surface fact, the shadow of the 
 great idea ? Under all the lifelessness and the dismal 
 monotone of no-color, the sap is flowing and the true 
 life only waits its summons to leap into spring. Down 
 in the underworld the birds are singing, the fountains 
 flowing, the violets shining, and the angels of God 
 working in the vineyards. In such company can one 
 ever be alone ? I might say, as a little creature on 
 the house-top of Dickens calls to the old man, " Come 
 up and be dead." For so it is the true life lies in 
 the underworld, and all that is good in this is only 
 a kind of trap-rock interjected through the fissures. 
 Now you understand, of course. You know geology, 
 don t you ? 
 
 If you are chosen I shall congratulate as heartily 
 as Hawthorne did Pierce on his election "Ah! 
 Frank, what a pity ! " 
 
 I was not in Boston and did not see the " Kearsarge," 
 but I wish I had seen it. Harriet Prescott went to 
 the Sailors Fair and was bewildered with the chang 
 ing splendors. We shall have it reproduced one day 
 with added lustre. That is one of the best of girls,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 457 
 
 a hero in a woman s heart. Nothing is half good 
 enough for her. 
 
 There is a great deal of sorrow in the world, and it 
 seems to me there must be a final heaven for every 
 body. My only remaining uncle on my father s side, 
 very dear to us all, lies at the point of death. His 
 only child, a son, unmarried, has only a long loneliness 
 before him. All the large families that settled on 
 and around the old homestead have died away, and 
 moved away, and left my uncle and his wife and son 
 alone, the last of the group, and my very heart aches 
 with the loneliness. Sometimes, do you know, it 
 seems to me that I cannot endure all the pang and 
 heart-ache in the world. All the sorrows that I know 
 multiply themselves by the infinite sorrows that I 
 know not, but only feel, and it weighs down upon me 
 so heavily that I cannot tell whether I was ever born, 
 and long for annihilation. What one can do in alle 
 viation is such a drop to the ocean, and if God is 
 good, if there is any true God, I think he must give 
 to all these suffering ones some great gladness, by and 
 by, which shall compensate them for having been 
 created. I suppose that is heterodox, but if Ortho 
 doxy consigns us to destruction, what can heterodoxy 
 do worse ? I don t much care about the modus ope- 
 randi apart from the great sacrifice, but I do not see 
 how I can ever be satisfied if the wretched people are 
 not finally blessed with the smile of the Father and 
 the Creator. 
 
 HAMILTON, MASS., October 31, 1864. 
 I trust, Mr. Wood, that you take no credit to your 
 self for your long letters. I would fain believe that 
 you recognize the fact that it is a great pleasure to
 
 458 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 you to recount your adventures, and that you are 
 under great obligations to me for lending you my ears, 
 my countryman, and giving you a constituency. 
 Upon which assumption I will confess and avow that 
 your letters are very clever, and you need not be sur 
 prised, some twenty or thirty years hence, to see them 
 issuing from a printing-press under the title " Shadows 
 set Free," or l The Letters of my Double." Of course 
 the Substance remaining itself, the letters must come 
 from the Shadow. 
 
 To take up the most important part of your letter 
 first. I like very much your suggestion about my hair, 
 and lack only the moral courage to adopt it. If I 
 ever do secure sufficient nerve, I shall certainly go 
 through the world shorn, and I am glad I have at 
 least one supporter already assured. Meanwhile, rest 
 serenely in the conviction that " rats" and mice are 
 strangers to my hair nay, they will not even go into 
 the trap which I have set for them up garret. 
 
 There is much in your letter that needs no reply, 
 though it is all interesting. The politics I read, 
 ponder, and inwardly digest. Mr. Welling I follow 
 along the tortuous course in the "Intelligence," and 
 only regret that his -fine powers are not enlisted on the 
 right side. What a pity he has not a little of some 
 thing, perhaps it is ideality, that would crown his 
 intellect with the upper light ! As it is, he will never 
 knock the stars. I met your polished Robert C. 
 Winthrop the other day. I was driving with an 
 acquaintance of his who is so outraged by the turn he 
 has taken that he refused to look at him and kept 
 his eyes steadfastly fixed on me, which was much 
 more sensible. 
 
 I am surprised that you should ask me my author-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 459 
 
 ship of certain articles. In the first place, did you 
 ever know me to acknowledge any of my sins of 
 omission or commission ? In the second place, where 
 have you burrowed that you have not read " Essays on 
 Social Subjects"? In the third place, don t you see 
 that a saying no may at some future time necessitate 
 a saying yes ? It is a pity, Mr. Wood, that one can 
 not read your very witty and brilliant political romances 
 without wondering how much allowance must be made 
 for your vivid imagination and your strong sense of 
 poetic justice ! Now I suppose you will put on your 
 dignity and lose your temper. 
 
 For the rest I went to Boston the other day and to 
 the German Opera. But then I went to the Sunday- 
 school Convention two days previously, steadily, so I 
 think I shall have absolution. Query : How much 
 Sunday-school Convention is necessary to offset one 
 evening of German Opera ? I have arrived at several 
 conclusions. One is that as a civilizer the opera is 
 superior to the Sunday-school, as a Christianize! they 
 are about on a par. Another conclusion is that the 
 present style of waterfall is not half so fine a feature 
 of natural scenery as the original style was. A third 
 was that music is a splendid thing. It is well you 
 were not there to hear, as you would have fancied 
 yourself on the borderland of " Future Life," and might 
 have astonished your friends by apostrophizing Mrs. 
 Jay or Perpetua l ! 
 
 We have had our one hundred and fiftieth anni 
 versary here last Thursday evening, the 27th of 
 October. It is not I who am one hundred and 
 fifty years old, but the church, of which I am chief! 
 But not, perhaps, the chiefly orthodox in the com- 
 
 1 Characters in " Future Life or Scenes in Another World."
 
 460 ^AIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 mon acceptation of the term. We had sundry 
 extracts from old sermons and old records, singing, 
 not operatic so much as rheumatic, and a very 
 good meeting. Seven of the old families are still 
 extant in the town, one of them the Dodge. Did 
 you know we have a new minister? His name is 
 French. He is young, good-looking, good presence, 
 and very satisfactory, in fact, rather more than satis 
 factory. We ordained him on the 29th of September, 
 for which occasion we provided cold chicken and 
 et-ceteras for a houseful, but as it rained Columbiads 
 and Armstrongs that day only three or four came, 
 and we browsed on our spoils for a week in a very 
 contented frame of mind. The meeting-house was 
 pretty well filled, and if it had been pleasant I dare 
 say our streets would have run with spectators. I 
 went to the morning council that examined the min 
 ister in posse. Mr. Wood, you who know everything, 
 tell me instantly who it was that said, " Behold with 
 how little wisdom the world is governed." At the 
 Sunday-school Convention I tramped about much 
 with our friend Spaldiug, of Newburyport, and was 
 brought into juxtaposition with Rev. Charles Beecher, 
 of Georgetown, who has sorely vexed the righteous 
 souls of Parson Pike, of Rowley, and the Rev. 
 Withington, of Newburyport, and others. He roared 
 me gently as a sucking dove, and indeed you know 
 the serpents of heresy have no fangs for me. 
 
 Our Rev. Johnson has returned from Europe and 
 called here the other day. He is a fine young man 
 and I like him much, but I wait to see what he will 
 become. We have a regular church house-cleaning 
 whenever we ordain a minister. I scrubbed all the 
 entries, stairs, and the whole lower floor, unpaiuted,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 461 
 
 yes I did ! Qni facit per alium facit per se! and 
 stepped around daintily in muslin and ribbons. Your 
 Miss Webb called on me a little while the day before 
 ordination. I received her booted and spurred, as it 
 were, having just come up out of the swamp with my 
 arms full of leaves. 
 
 We went to Salem the other day, four women and 
 a girl, of course the horse whisked around under 
 the carriage, of course it was close by a railroad 
 track, and J., heroic as ever, jumped over the wheel 
 so that the cars did not come along and run over us 
 while I was pulling the horse around right. Do you 
 want more heroism? Well, some of the Hawthornes 
 have been to see me, I took them home to Montserrat, 
 came back alone at night, stable horse, dark, never 
 used to driving, got home safe. What do you think 
 of that? My Gages have gone to Europe without 
 me. My Murphys have gone out West and they return 
 no more. 
 
 Mr. Dodge gave an agricultural address over to 
 Amesbury the other day, which Mr. Whittier told me 
 was the best they had ever had, and another obscure 
 but worthy person, a native of Hamilton, wrote a 
 song for the same corporation, which was the queen 
 of songs, as I forced Messrs. Whittier and F. to 
 admit. You know that Whittier has lost his sister, 
 but Heaven has gained her. It is a dismal da}-. We 
 have not had so fine a fall as usual, but several fine 
 days, one glorious maple tree and many magnificent 
 scarlet oaks. Now, with many hopes for the election, 
 the army, and the literary but shadowless secretary 
 of the treasures, I am all that there is of 
 
 M. A. D.
 
 462 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To MR. JAMES.] 
 
 HAMILTON, October 31, 1864. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : I don t remember what I wrote 
 in my hist letter, but I think I did answer yours, only 
 you were indifferent and put it away in your mummy- 
 case, unrolled. 
 
 This and this and this is the truth of life, says 
 one. Yes, this the truth of life, says another, in an 
 imperceptible flash, but adds alone aloud, "the world 
 has not yet attained the truth the truth seems to it 
 only lawlessness, would indeed be chaos and old 
 niijht to it, because it can as yet see of spiritual verity 
 only its grossest outward symbol " therefore I say 
 of this spiritual truth, go by its light alone whitherso 
 ever it leads, but for the sake of those who must be 
 left behind in all the deeper darkness, go not over the 
 height of the shining hills where the light leads. You, 
 Mr. James, sit in your sky-parlor, up in your 
 heaven-kissing attic, and browse upon the eternal fit 
 nesses of things. I walk about on the pavements 
 and pastures and muse upon the present amelioration 
 of things. I don t scold you because you live in the 
 blue sky, and you shall not scold me because I dwell 
 on the green earth. The blue sky is a royal magnifi 
 cence and munificence, but the green earth, though 
 low and gross, is necessary to its existence. You 
 cannot have the spiritual sky without the material 
 earth. I want the color and purity and clarity of the 
 sky to penetrate the earth till it shall become a very 
 heaven, to which end here I am down in the earth 
 delving, and you sitting on a cloud reviling me ! 
 
 And what quarrel have you, pray, with the angels? 
 And what has the devil ever done for you that you
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 463 
 
 should sot him up above Gabriel and Michael? And 
 even if you do, by what right do you call these latter 
 "sentimental"? Oh! I never saw any one needed 
 tinkering so much as you do. Most people are so far 
 wrong that it is quite hopeless to do anything for 
 them. All that remains is to tear them down and 
 begin new. But you you have ever so much good 
 material, admirably seasoned, only you are naugh 
 knotty sometimes, and stubborn to plane and saw and 
 chisel. Yes, my dear Mr. James, it pains me to be 
 forced to see and say that you repeat with delight in 
 a living truth the very same thing for saying which 
 you have previously hung me on a Hainan s gallows ! 
 But you say it in a sesquipedalian, high-and-mighty 
 metaphysic way, while I say it homelily, and bread- 
 and-butterly, and the consequence is you do not 
 recognize it. You do not see your pet when he 
 comes in homespun. He must be tricked out in the 
 velvet and cockade wherewith you have decorated 
 him. 
 
 If I understand you at all aright, after all your 
 vain searching " you have found only the truth 
 wkich I have found without any searching at all. I 
 hope this does not sound pert to you, for it does to 
 me. But it is not. I may say that I did not find it 
 at all. It lay in my way, the next natural thing, and 
 I simply adopted it as I did the sunshine and the 
 dew. I do not think it possible that you can be any 
 more strongly convinced than I of the typical nature 
 of our personal relations, nor does it seem to me that 
 you can be so deeply impressed by it as I, for it is at 
 once the rule, the guide, the solace of my life, not 
 sought after and seized, not reasoned out, but felt 
 out, presenting itself to my consciousness, apart
 
 464 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 from all proof, utterly irresponsible to logic. It is 
 so true to me that life has positively no value any 
 farther than it is the natural outworking of the in 
 ward essence. And you come up and ask me if I 
 believe thus and so ! 
 
 This main underlying organic truth is mine ; but 
 when you cut it up into all manner of shadowy ques 
 tions, then I do not know what you would be at. 
 What is the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good 
 and evil? Is it in destruction of the fruit of the tree 
 of life? I should think the innocence of wisdom in 
 distinction from the innocence of ignorance was the 
 direct fruit of the tree of knowledge. 
 
 I sympathize with poor Mrs. James about the coal. 
 I have no doubt she leads a pretty life with her Socra 
 tes, and I am heartily glad she has temper enough to 
 make you blot your letters in consternation. It is so 
 much better than to sit meekly down in a snow-bank 
 and freeze. I had several things to tell you, but 
 there is imminent danger of my writing again. 
 
 For the present, severely but kindly yours, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 NOVEMBER 21, 18G4. 
 
 Three letters have I received from you, or rather a 
 preface, a letter, and a postscript, for which, see my 
 munificence, I have returned you a book, a newspa 
 per, and am now writing you this letter after a hard 
 day s work on my P>ench raglau of 1851, which my 
 sister and I are fashioning into a sack of 1864, all 
 because I thought it was a pity you should not have 
 a letter to celebrate Thanksgiving with. 
 
 The last shall be first, viz., the postscript. I will
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 465 
 
 return the pen to you with some misgiving, for I do 
 not quite see how metal pens can be made into goose 
 quills. Still people who have to do with the "Gen 
 tleman in Black " accomplish strange transformations. 
 Just here, for I must say things when I think of 
 them, did you see that Julia Ward Howe had a poem 
 at Bryant s festival? My sister came home Saturday 
 noon, and we talked you over well ! It is much more 
 interesting to have people who know your friends 
 than it is to know them only yourself ; and as we all 
 three now know you, why, we never need lack a 
 theme ! Should not you like to be behind the door? 
 
 For the main body of your letter, Mr. Wood, you 
 merit not merely a letter, but a lecture in reply. For 
 you to be haranguing me on heterodoxy is well, 
 entei taining, to put it very mildly. Whenever you 
 see an organ and a monkey in the street do you not 
 always ponit it out as a foretaste of future life ? And 
 because I innocently mentioned the opera and Sun 
 day-school in the same breath, why, you work your 
 self up into octavos of wrath and anxiety ; and yet 
 in this very letter you say worse things about Sunday- 
 school than I did in my letter which the " Congrega- 
 tioualist" would not print. The fact is, you wish to 
 rove at your own sweet will, but you want me to fol 
 low sweetly in the paths of peace, never mind whether 
 they lead aright or astray. 
 
 My dear Mr. Wood, your letter shows me one thing, 
 that your animosities are confined to this world, there 
 fore I hope that in the "Future Life" you will be able 
 to live in peace with the brethren. The poor E s hav 
 ing departed this life, I see you have rather given them 
 over and turned your guns against Boston, " Fire 
 away ! " I would say to you as the Quaker did to his
 
 466 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 friend, " Fire away, thee can never go to Heaven till 
 thee gets all that bad stuff out of thee." Now I should 
 be sorry to be sitting on that heavenly hill where you 
 place me, and see you climbing up to its sides fulmin 
 ating thunders against the "Boston Transcendeu- 
 talists," some of whom very likely will be within hear 
 ing, for I trust that through the great Divine mercy 
 many of them will bow in worship to the God whom 
 now they ignorantly worship under some vague ab 
 stract name. And, by the way, I don t know so 
 much about these things as you seem to know, but 
 have you not saddled the Bostouians with a sin that 
 does not belong to them ? That God is an unrelated 
 being, and cannot therefore be known to men, is 
 taught by Hei bcrt Spencer, but I have never heard 
 it from the Boston or:icles. Perhaps, however, Bos 
 ton is only a generic and not a local name with you, 
 as we speak of the "Lake School" of poets. Are 
 you quite sure that you are not drawing on your im 
 agination for some of the romantic facts which your 
 memory has the credit of furnishing you ? I never 
 saw Margaret Fuller, indeed she died while I was in 
 school, but to have exercised such an influence as she 
 did over people, it seems to me that she must have 
 had some other weapons than "glittering and sound 
 ing generalities." "Will you give me the date and cir 
 cumstances of J. R. Lowell s remark about being born 
 twice? You will pardon my cross-examination, or 
 you may avenge yourself by cross-answering, but you 
 very well know, Mr. Wood, that any one that knows 
 you as well as I do, knows, too, that one must be 
 wary if he would elicit from you the truth, the whole 
 truth, and nothing but the truth. You know how 
 many times I have routed you with great slaughter by
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 467 
 
 just pinning you down to name and date ! You know 
 very well how only last summer, when my sister and 
 I were driving with you, you began a very vivid but 
 evidently truthful description of a day at a mild water 
 ing-place hotel, but how very soon, under the lash of 
 your tyrannical imagination, you were galloping off 
 into a wilderness of "cats, rats, and mice"! That 
 you cannot deny, and if you can, here is my sister 
 just come upstairs who can cover you with confusion. 
 Then again, Mr. Wood, I am sorry to be forced to 
 say, but I fear it is true, that your objections to my 
 becoming heterodox lie not so much in the injuiy that 
 will be suffered by my spiritual nature as that which 
 will be inflicted on my literary reputation ! If I attack 
 the great forms of faith in Christ, what shall I find too 
 late ? Why, that my power will be gone ! You never 
 can get over the carriages of the nobility and gentry 
 that Baptist Noel forfeited when he went over to the 
 Dissenters. Oh, Mr. Wood ! Is there no such thing, 
 then, as inward prompting ? Could Baptist Noel do 
 otherwise than he did, if baptism or sprinkling be the 
 question you Baptists say it is? However, in real 
 earnest, I assure you that you need have not the least 
 anxiety on my account. If you knew me as well as, 
 with your opportunities, you ought to know me you 
 would see that the more I am thrown into contact with 
 any one form of religious belief, or disbelief, the less 
 likely am I to adopt it. I shall probably remain an 
 Orthodox Congregationalist as long as I live, but to 
 my latest breath I shall doubtless be at war with my 
 brethren. If I were a Baptist I should remain a 
 Baptist, but a fighting Baptist; if. a Unitarian, a 
 Unitarian, but pugilistic still. In whatever sect my 
 associations had been formed, I should have found
 
 468 (JAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 truth enough entangled with error enough to take me 
 all my life to disentangle. So far as you fear any influ 
 ence of Boston transcendentalism upon my faith, in 
 the way of social power, your fears cannot be any 
 more groundless. I am certainly not wont to be over 
 awed in matters of opinion. But at the same time I 
 accept all your warning as gratefully as if it were 
 needed, knowing that it proceeds only from the kind 
 est and worthiest motives. 
 
 What makes me write letters to all the world? Do 
 you suppose I call it benevolence ? Not a bit. It is 
 just because I like to write. I like the world enough, 
 but I certainly should not lay myself out in reams for 
 pure affection. Now just you stand up and lay your 
 hand on your heart and tell me, if you can, that you 
 don t really like to take a set of clean nice note-paper 
 and fresh ink, and a good evening, and sit down and 
 write. 
 
 Why do you think that the States must come back 
 with slavery ? Why cannot the next Congress give us 
 the Constitutional Amendment just as well as the last? 
 I shall never ground arms until slavery is abolished. 
 Go on with your political " Romances." I dare say 
 the air of romance which they have is owing to your 
 way of putting things. In Mr. Seward s hands they 
 would doubtless read like the gravest State papers, 
 and not be any truer. 
 
 I never did see the "Social Essays" till they were 
 printed in Boston. Does " New Atmosphere " seem 
 to you sufficiently orthodox? I heartily commiserate 
 you in the reading, but it is one of the wise arrange 
 ments of a benevolent Providence, that in this world 
 the innocent as well as the guilty must suffer the pen 
 alty of sin.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 469 
 
 As for Mr. Longfellow s peccadilloes, I do not be 
 lieve in them. They are always trumping up stories 
 about plagiarisms. So now "The Raven" was stolen 
 from a Persian poem. Suppose he did get " Evange- 
 line " from Hawthorne, what then ? Did not Shak- 
 spere crib bodily and boldly from the old plays? 
 Virgil copies Homer like a school-boy, and nobody 
 says anything; and I should like to know if Peter 
 Schlemihl did not walk through the length and breadth 
 of Germany before he set his foot on our Western 
 shores. Mr. Wood, you must fight down all these 
 stories and not entreat them tenderly. Anybody can 
 make a mountain out of a mole-hill. Do you stand 
 with your shillelah and affirm resolutely that the mole 
 hill shall stay a mole-hill. 
 
 My connection with the " New Magazine " will be 
 as close as I choose to make it. I shall have none 
 of the labor to do, the scissorings, selecting, etc. I 
 should never undertake anything of that sort, it would 
 be so very irksome to me, but advice, you know, and 
 opinion I am always ready to give without much urg 
 ing. Poor man, you know it to your cost. 
 
 My mother and sister desire their kindest regards 
 and I am judiciously, sometimes severely, but always 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 I did not know of Mrs. Piatt s death. She was a 
 woman of a thousand brilliant and courted, yet 
 considerate and tender-hearted. I admired her 
 much.
 
 470 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To MR. FRENCH.] 
 
 DECEMBER 19. 
 
 It was selfish in me to write you a letter that should 
 leave an impression of sadness. But in truth I had 
 cause for sadness in my own heart. The sudden and 
 severe illness of my uncle, death-struck almost from 
 the beginning, was not a hilarious event, and I felt 
 the loneliness of my aunt and cousin so deeply that I 
 could not shake it off. Sometimes it seems to me 
 that I suffer things more sharply than the people 
 themselves suffer them. Then I had a cold on my 
 lungs, so that every breath was an annoyance, a thing 
 that never happened to me in such measure before, 
 and never but once in any measure. Then when I 
 looked at you there was a heavy shadow, and in an 
 other direction there was another shadow. Well, 
 what I ought to have done was to sit still till the sun 
 came out. 
 
 Now, first, my cough, after making a brave fight, 
 is quite gone ; secondly, my aunt, having a good woman 
 for a companion in her desolated house, is settling 
 down to her new half-life and my uncle s memory, 
 freeing itself from all remnant of infirmity and dis 
 ease, gathers soft lights and is blessed. You are 
 emerging from shadow slowly into the sun, and my 
 other friend sees day breaking. For all which let us 
 give God thanks. 
 
 A part of your letter rather amused me, more than 
 your serious opinions are apt to do. I really do not 
 exactly know whether I am a happy woman or not. 
 I never thought much about it one way or the other. 
 This I know, that if I were obliged to crystallize on 
 the spot, and with things as they are, and no other
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 471 
 
 futurity, I should be a very miserable woman. I 
 know, too, that if I were forced to consider my pres 
 ent attainments as the highest possible point of acqui 
 sition in knowledge or in happiness I should be 
 a very miserable woman, but with constant activity 
 and a deep, underlying hope, "a fire in my heart, 
 and a fire in my brain," I cannot conscientiously call 
 myself unhappy. It is only, however, when I com 
 pare what I have found with what I conceive to be 
 possible, that I have any doubts on the subject. 
 Looking at the life which presents itself to me in 
 dreams, and then at the life by which I find myself 
 surrounded, there is room perhaps for a shiver. I 
 often rouse myself from the one for the other with a 
 smile at the discrepancy. Yet even this does not 
 make me unhappy, for I have so large and deep a 
 hope, which you would incontinently pull to pieces 
 with your remorseless logic, but which, thank Heaven, 
 would immediately grow again as good as new. But 
 when I compare my life with the lives around me, 
 with nine out of ten of all the lives I know, I esteem 
 myself indeed favored of Heaven, and thank God for 
 a most undeserved preeminence of happiness, and 
 pray that I may do good enough to my fellow-beings 
 to compensate them, as it were. Here is where your 
 reasoning amuses me. I do not deny that through 
 weakness, weariness, impatience I may sometimes 
 be a little in the trough of the sea, but it is not on the 
 crest of any billow that I ever saw, that I would have 
 my ship go riding. I never have thought, nor pro 
 fessed to think, that the actual unmarried life was so 
 happy as the ideal married life, but I assure you with 
 entire seriousness that nothing which my own life has 
 missed has given me a tithe of the disturbance, I
 
 472 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 might almost say despair, which I have found in the 
 terrible bewilderments of the married lives I have 
 seen. I could well do without happiness myself if I 
 could only see a possibility of happiness in the expe 
 rience of others. It is not so much not to have experi 
 ences ; a certain emotion yourself, though it may be 
 the deepest and richest of all, because you have all 
 the eternities before you ; the dreadful thing is to have 
 felt and failed. That appalls me. This I can assure 
 you most truly, and if you are my friend you will be 
 glad of the assurance loneliness, as you mean it, is 
 a sensation which I have never felt, to the best of my 
 knowledge and belief. I am afraid to be in the house 
 alone nights, and day-times, too, for that matter ; but 
 let me know that there is a trusty person downstairs 
 to keep out robbers and ghosts, and I can sit in my 
 own room day and night alone, and never tire. I do 
 not mean that I do not know an aloneness, nor that 
 I cannot conceive of something that would be better, 
 but as far as mortal companionships go, I have, let 
 me see, at least five men and no end of women who 
 are more friends to me than most men are to their 
 wives. I find in them more sympathy, more resource, 
 more sustenance, more tangible, practical, honest, 
 real help than most women find in their husbands, 
 and two of them, at least, and perhaps three, and 
 possibly four, are more agreeable to me than most 
 husbands are to their wives. I like their society bet 
 ter, they exert themselves far more to entertain and 
 please me, they have more consideration and chivalry. 
 You will say I don t know what husbands are to their 
 wives, but make me believe it if you can.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 473 
 
 JANUARY 11, 1865. 
 
 The fact is you have made so many displays of 
 clear vision that you almost deceived me into a belief 
 of universal clarity, and so I thought I would sweep 
 away a little mist that seemed for a moment to 
 obscure you. But the mist was as solid as granite, 
 and I only bruised my fingers. It is the second time 
 in my life I have been confronted with outr& reasons 
 for simple facts of that nature. The first time it was 
 face to face, and I was stunned into silence, which is 
 easy for any personal presence to do. This time, un 
 fortunately, it was pen to pen, and then I always find it 
 difficult to hold my tongue. Hereafter we will dismiss 
 the serious affairs of life, and discuss agricultural 
 colleges, Harvard University, and other frivolities. 
 
 Your two ill-bred, ignorant Irishers may or may 
 not be the happier for their marriage. If their ill- 
 breediug and ignorance could be confined to them 
 selves I should not forbid the banns. Ignorance 
 clubbed together is no greater in bulk than ignorance 
 separate ; but it is morally certain that in the course 
 of time they will have brought into their household 
 seven other spirits more ignorant and ill-bred than 
 the first, and surely nine deformed and degraded 
 souls are a greater evil than two. Parents and sisters 
 and brothers and sisters may not be uniformly lovely, 
 and yet help you to " grow in grace," but they are 
 born to you. Husbands and wives go by favor ; and 
 though from a broken arm you may learn patience, 
 which is a Divine virtue, you would hardly think of 
 putting your arm under a locomotive that you might 
 learn the Divine virtue of patience. 
 
 I hope you will accept the Agricultural College, for
 
 474 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 I think it will be the best thing both for the college and 
 for yourself. As you don t seem to look forward to 
 Heaven very cheerfully, it seems a pity you should 
 not get out of earth all you can. For me, I am 
 afraid I am hopelessly transcendental, and I foresee 
 we should not get on at all well together, either in 
 this or any other world, except, indeed, on your prin 
 ciple of trituration. 
 
 I hear this morning that our friend Mrs. S. has a 
 son, in which I rejoice for two reasons : first, because 
 in a general way I a?n sorry for every baby girl that 
 is born ; and because, secondly, if a boy baby ever 
 can come to anything it will be under Mrs S s 
 training ! 
 
 I went to mill the other day and was weighed, to 
 the extent of a hundred and nine pounds; with my 
 cloak and "things" on a hundred and fifteen. I 
 understand, as I never did before, "the mills of the 
 gods grind slowly, but they grind exceeding small." 
 Mother wanted her meal fine, and consequently we 
 had long to wait, but I watched with great interest. 
 
 [To Miss PALFREY.] 
 
 HAMILTON, January 24, 1865. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : I wish you were at hand to read 
 Virgil with me. You cannot think how much I enjoy 
 it not the mere reading only, but everything about 
 it. (That is a lucid sentence.) The text is a mere 
 rivulet running through a meadow of association, and 
 hints and all manner of connections that 1 saw nothing 
 of when I read it as a girl at school, where, by the way, 
 I perceive I was a far more exemplary person than 
 your ladyship. So far from doing " no more studying
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 475 
 
 than I could help," T did all the studying I could get 
 hold of. In fact, I fear all my goodness came out 
 in my early days, and that is the reason why I have 
 been so bad since I was grown up. I wish you would 
 read " Azarian," for I think it has a great deal of 
 power, and power of a kind of which Miss Prescott 
 had before that given but small indication. By the 
 way, she sent to me a little while ago to know if I 
 could tell her anything about E. Foxton. An un 
 known correspondent of hers had requested her with 
 the greatest eagerness to tell him something about that 
 gentleman, whose story of "Herman" he considered 
 to be the very finest in all American literature. I did 
 not feel at liberty to divulge my conjectures, because 
 ][ think personality is always to be vigorously re 
 spected. 
 
 My dear, I hope you will find it in your heart to 
 like me a little, notwithstanding all the rough work I 
 am doing. Heaven forbid that I should stand on my 
 safe knoll, and see the wild waves swallowing up my 
 people, and make no effort for the rescue. My toss 
 ing lifeboat is less graceful than the little skiff which, 
 as Virgil says, or something like it, cleaves the 
 green trees in the placid lake ; but perhaps it is not 
 wholly out of place. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 JANUARY 25, 1865. 
 
 What is the good of quarrelling in a world like 
 this? Of course we are all of us more or less out 
 rageous to our friends at times, and we may as well 
 own up to it and let it alone. My mother says you 
 have all been poisoned. It was my arrows that did 
 it, undoubtedly, only you will not confess. As to
 
 476 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 your eyes, I am sure yon have nothing to complain of. 
 I have been half blind ever since I was two years old 
 and have seen more at that than was for my comfort. 
 All you have to do is when you are looking at pleas 
 ant things like me, open the double eye and shut the 
 single one, and when you are looking at unpleasant 
 ones, vice versa. That is good Latin, isn t it? Any 
 way, if you grow blind I will come to see you, for I 
 don t care about my looks either, and I will lend to 
 the rhyme of the poet (myself) the beauty of my 
 voice, till you shall bless the darkness that unfolded 
 to you the heaven of my song ! My voice is, in fact, 
 something between a shriek and a howl, in poetry I 
 don t know what it might be, but you will know 
 when you, I beg your pardon, go it blind ! 
 
 I see some of the abuse of you in the newspapers 
 and don t believe a word of it. Now see how differ 
 ent I am from you. You read something about me 
 and go right and believe it and tell all the neighbors. 
 Why can t you be good and trustful, and think like 
 young Abijah, you may see some good thing can be 
 found in me even if the world, the flesh, and the relig 
 ious newspapers do affirm the contrary? It does not 
 seem as if people can do any tiling for people when 
 trouble, actual trouble comes. Everybody must 
 bear his burden alone. If I cry my eyes out about 
 you it won t cry your eyes in. 
 
 I don t believe your brother described me in his 
 journal. It was somebody else. He never saw me 
 but a little speck, and then he did not remember me 
 from five hundred others, and besides, T wasn t in 
 Washington till I was ages past twenty, some kind of 
 ages you know, little children s for instance, and I 
 did not wear my hair like a boy s, it was parted in
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 477 
 
 the middle like a girl s, if it was short, and oh ! I 
 wish you would not mention the subject of hair. 
 You never would if you knew what a source of 
 annoyance it is to me and my family. My one con 
 solation is that I am getting on towards the time 
 when it will be lawful to wear a cap and then I hope 
 to have some peace of my life. Now I have only 
 pieces, mere jumbles. Well, and to make assur 
 ance of your brother s mistake doubly sure, I never 
 was a wonder in anybody s presence especially, only 
 wonderfully heavy for anybody who had so much 
 sense. Now then if you have anything nice and 
 pleasant and highly imaginative to tell, out with it, 
 but if it is disagreeable, pre-Raphaelitic, and true to 
 the life, claudite rivos what does that menu? I 
 press it in at a venture. 
 
 JANUARY 30. 
 
 I am afraid I am getting into the pious fraud-ulent 
 way, but if I am, I alone shall bear it. while if I 
 should blurt out the stories which seem to be rife, I 
 should salve my conscience at the expense of the 
 peace of the whole family, and I am sure the Lord 
 told Samuel out and out in so many words that it was 
 not necessary to tell the whole story, even when the 
 suppression of part put an entirely different com 
 plexion on the rest. 
 
 FEBRUARY 13, 1865. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : A budget received from you 
 on Saturday violates the Constitution in telling me 
 that you are sick, so I infer that you are violating 
 your private constitution in some manner not herein 
 before mentioned. Wherefore, I have to desire that
 
 478 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 you will at once adopt the fashion of the hour 
 which is Constitutional Amendment. 
 
 I have four different parcels from you since my 
 last to you. One a queen bee, the others small 
 working bees, let alone various insects in the shape 
 of " Punch," and other papers, which are now making 
 the tour of the neighborhood. But I wonder that 
 your right hand did not wither in writing such terrible 
 heresy about Edward Everett. In fact it is quite 
 possible that your illness is a direct consequence of 
 such unparalleled audacity. Edward Everett, who 
 we are all agreed is the greatest man that ever was 
 thought of, and will continue to be until some other 
 distinguished Bostonian dies ! Don t you see how 
 magnanimous we are here in New England? A man 
 may sin, but he has only to repent, and we forgive 
 him and bury him with every honor. 
 
 I agree with you regarding the "sheeted ghosts." 
 I suspect the Blairs, even bearing Olive Branches. 
 But as the report has been spread before the people, 
 it seems to me that the President s part has been 
 wisely taken. If anything must have been done, I 
 do not see that it could have been better done. But 
 I like not anything that brings that wretched rebel 
 and traitor and starver of prisoners, Jefferson Davis, 
 into even temporary relations of equality and amenity 
 with respectable Northern people ! 
 
 To ascend at once from politics to personalities. 
 As for the raglan, money cannot buy, in these days of 
 shoddy, cloth so heavy and every way desirable as 
 this French cloak of eight years ago ! Oh, you petro 
 leum parvenu ! Don t you know that newness is not 
 always worth? Oh, unfortunate, infatuated man, 
 smitten with judicial blindness, not to see that gold is
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 479 
 
 none the less gold because the land is flooded with 
 paper currency. Shall I discard my yellow eagles 
 because greenbacks are "all the go"? You sweep 
 over a page with your all-comprehensive charges, 
 and all-amusing stories, and I follow you up with an 
 interrogation point. You ought to be very thankful. 
 If yon had no check your centrifugal I mean truth- 
 ifugal force would dash away with you into some cold 
 outer space where you would never more be heard of. 
 
 I don t on principle accept your presentation of 
 Boston principles. It is never safe to trust your 
 opponent for a fair and full exposition of your 
 belief. 
 
 "Moods" I have not read. " Emily Chester" I 
 have read, and do not feel myself tainted in the 
 smallest degree by so doing. There is no tainting 
 element in the book. It is pure as the snow that 
 spreads over this New England where I write, and 
 no one can see anything impure there unless his organ 
 of vision is impaired. But the truth is that our 
 standard of right and wrong is so low that evil 
 seems to us good, and good evil. Of all the criti 
 cisms of "Emily Chester " which I have read, very few 
 show any real comprehension of the book. They 
 know what they are talkiug about, but they know 
 very little of what that book talks about. 
 
 My aunt, Mrs. Caldwell, of Ipswich, was buried 
 about a week ago. She died after a week s illness 
 of lung fever. You may have seen the notice of her 
 death in the "Congregationalist." She was very dear 
 to us all, a remarkable woman, of great independence, 
 spirit, ability, and amiability. She was a little 
 younger than my father.
 
 480 (JAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To Mu. FRENCH.] 
 
 MARCH 1. 
 
 I went to Newburyport to hear Mr. Garrison cele 
 brate Washington s birthday in his native town, 
 from which five and thirty years ago he was thrust 
 out. So there he sat upon the platform, a bland old 
 man with a shining white head, a few side-locks 
 brushed smoothly down by his ears, a conservative, 
 solid-mau-of-Boston-lookiug person, with not the 
 smallest evil design against the existing order of 
 things. Mr. Colby, is it, the Editor of the 
 4 N. Herald," who blows hot and cold as occasion di 
 rects, was tropical that night and blew fever heat, but 
 William Lloyd stood it like a man instituting, I 
 suppose, an equilibrium from all this present eulogy 
 with past obloquy. That evening I was invited to 
 supper with him and the next morning drove over 
 with him to Whittier s, where I remained till Saturday, 
 feeling as I always do with Whittier a kind of demi- 
 goddess, simply by force of association, not from 
 any inward spouting. And so Garrison and Whittier 
 reminisced, with Mr. Ashby and me for an audience, 
 and I saw the inside of many things of which I had 
 previously seen only the outside, and even that often 
 through a glass darkly. I also went to a concert 
 in Newburyport. Miss Carr sang. Miss Carr is a 
 Newburyport girl. Miss Carr came on the stage, a 
 dream of beauty. Now your sardonic soul laughs. 
 How, you say, can a Newburyport Yankee be that? 
 We have dreams of Italian beauty, of Greek loveli 
 ness, but oh, old Essex County, where are the charms 
 that sages have seen in thy face ? In Newburyport, 
 sir, in Miss Carr s wavy hair and waxen face and
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 481 
 
 delicately clearly pencilled eye-brows, in her doll-like 
 (!) beauty, informed with a sweet young soul, and 
 beauty and soul made doubly beautiful by the mod 
 esty, simplicity, and unpretence which characterized 
 her. See now. They are sending me the "Lady s 
 Book " from Philadelphia, and I looked into it last 
 night and discovered several things, and thereupon in 
 our family circle a discussion arose and revelations 
 were made, and they tell me that these beautiful 
 waterfalls and Greek curls and all the lovely bows 
 and crinkling things wherewith " my sisters " make 
 themselves beautiful are as likely as not false. You 
 can buy them at the barber s. You do buy them at 
 the barber s. Why, then, / might have waterfalls and 
 Greek curls as well as another. But I know they 
 would all come tumbling off just at the crisis of fate 
 and bring mo to shame. 
 
 I saw Mrs. S s baby in the bath-tub. He is six 
 weeks a fine baby as babies go, but a most comi 
 cal little frog, squirming about in the water with dis 
 tress pictured on every lineament of his droll little 
 face, a most un-human little creature, and it doth not 
 yet appear what it shall be. And I saw Mrs. S., too, 
 who, u most gracious lady," all this while entertained 
 me in royal style as she always does. 
 
 Nothing is the matter with your eye. I had a fork 
 stabbed into mine once, but twasn t anything. It 
 squints a little, but that s nothing. My lovers tell me 
 it makes me look interesting. It s blind too, but what 
 of that? One eye answers every purpose. To be 
 sure, there is this difference between us that my 
 beauty never was injured by it, for the very best of 
 reasons, while your comeliness has sufficient existence 
 to be in danger. Now good-by, and mind your eye !
 
 482 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 For the " Congregationalist " I have written little 
 for three months. My last effusion was a tilt in favor 
 of Dr. Blagclen, but it was refused admittance. The 
 fact is, Mr. Wood, I suppose I am getting too rad 
 ical, or something. But really, I am the one who is 
 Orthodox, and they are falling away after profane 
 and old wives fables. 
 
 Mr. R., the escaped Union prisoner, has been down 
 to see me. He is turning an honest penny with his 
 adventures. But Jefferson Davis did a good thing 
 when he broke his " plighted faith," and kept those 
 sharp-sighted men in prison to witness, eye to eye, the 
 atrocities winch he caused. 
 
 I went to see Mr. John Porter in Newburyport. 
 Isn t he the nicest old man that ever was, with his 
 beautiful long white hair, and his tall figure scarcely 
 bent, and his gentle, gracious manner? Old age is so 
 lovely when it is lovingly worn. His daughter was 
 ill and I did not see her, nor Harriet Prescott, who, I 
 fear, is failing before her time under a burden too 
 heavy for such slender young shoulders as hers. Did 
 I tell you I saw " Zenobia " in Boston the other day? 
 I won t tell you what I think of it, because it was made 
 by a Boston girl, and you would only scoff, entirely 
 regardless of the fact that she was, and I suppose is, 
 a friend of the Brownings, and therefore must have 
 somewhat of either wit or worth. 
 
 [To MR. JAMES.] 
 
 MARCH 20, 1865. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : I think I should feel happier 
 if you would let me just this once tell you how
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 483 
 
 much I thank you for all your patience and goodness 
 and kindness to me. It seems to me as if you are 
 going away from me thinking all the while that I have 
 reckoned your friendship a common thing. 
 
 I should have counted it all joy if I could have 
 held you within sight all my life, but it is a very great 
 joy to have known you for a year. It makes me 
 feel guilty to think how entirely I have the best 
 of the bargain. I know I have given you a little 
 pleasure, but you have given me solid good that 
 will last me as long as I live. I don t think I have 
 rejoiced in you because you spoke kindly words to 
 me, though that was very pleasant, but then I al 
 ways made allowance. I knew that what you saw 
 was not I, but a little rosy cloud exhaled from 
 your own imagination in which I sat hidden away 
 as snug as a grasshopper in his foam you don t 
 know what that means because grasshoppers don t 
 grow in Ashburton Place, but never mind, / know, 
 but what I was going to say is, that if in 
 any other way I could have come to an equal knowl 
 edge of your thought I should have held you, I 
 think, in the same regard. So that now, you see, 
 I do not lose you. I know with an inward satis 
 faction that somewhere there is living such an one, 
 and if one man has found heaven s gate, then 
 surely there is a Heaven and all men will yet press 
 into it. So all that I care for in you I own and 
 hold forever. 
 
 Therefore, when you look back upon this don t 
 think it is all thrown away. In one sense it is, I 
 suppose. Probably the thing you thought to do can 
 not be done, and I cannot prevent your disappoint 
 ment. But when the sunshine came I felt that it
 
 484 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 was warm and that it came from heaven, and you 
 know it is the sun s way to shine upon the evil 
 and the good, and not think it time lost. 
 
 I am permanently rich in having known you, this 
 little while, and I would not for the world you 
 should lift an eyelash to look my way and leave 
 your own. All I desire is that you shall believe, 
 whatever else I may or may not be, I am always, 
 most truly and inwardly, your loyal, grateful, and 
 reverent friend, though I am too little and too far off 
 to be of any account to you. 
 
 Quod erat demonstrandum. 
 
 M. A. DODGE. 
 
 Men with all their badnesses are so susceptible of 
 goodness that simple sincerity will shame all their 
 badness out of sight. Meet them on the ground of 
 their best and they will give you no other ground to 
 stand on. If I judged men only by their relations to 
 my own self, I should hardly have a word to say. 
 They may be ever so wrong-headed, but practically 
 they always turn to me right-hearted. I only see 
 what men are at their worst by looking at them as 
 you look at faint stars obliquely. What men are 
 to their wives, to their dependents, that men are. 
 They are capable of better things, but that they are. 
 The time languishes because woman cannot reveal 
 herself. The great burden of material life, which her 
 shoulders were never made to bear, weighs down 
 upon her, and the whole creation groans and travails 
 in pain as a consequence. With the consent and by 
 the interference of the great mass of men the ox, the 
 mule, the draught horse is regnant in the female man, 
 and the woman is held in abeyance. How can she
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 485 
 
 reveal herself? If you will use fine gold for pots and 
 kettles, how can you cause that they shall not be dis 
 guised with crock? 
 
 Look at me. I have friends on every side who de 
 light in me, men and women who come to me for 
 joy, and solace, and strength. Is it because I am 
 better, or brighter, or stronger than other women? 
 Not the least in the world. I am constantly meeting 
 women whose shoes latchets I am not worthy to 
 unloose, but to whom nobody ever comes. It is 
 solely because I have never been overborne by hard 
 physical labor, nor undermined by the unspeakable 
 disappointments of marriage. God has suffered me 
 to keep my life in my own right hand. I have never 
 been crushed I have never been oppressed. These 
 other women, better than I, with more capacity than 
 I, with higher possibilities than I, are mere household 
 drudges, insignificant wives, uncommanding mothers, 
 because they are buried under an Ossa on Pelion 
 piled, of degrading labor without supporting love. 
 They passed in their youth under the yoke of a man, 
 and the yoke was hard and the burden heavy. And 
 just as long as their necks are bowed to them, women 
 cannot reveal themselves. The sole advantage that 
 I have over other women is, that I stand in the sun 
 shine. If I were married the chances are ninety-nine 
 in a hundred that I should be digging in the dark, 
 down in a cellar where all the dead-alive women are. 
 People are accustomed to see beasts of burden, and, 
 accordingly, when they see me, a woman, they are 
 pleased with the novelty. 
 
 You understand, Mr. Henry James, I think you 
 are deeply and thoroughly right in your main idea. 
 I do not remember that I ever met a man, hardly a
 
 486 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 woman, whose underlying principle was so satisfac 
 tory, so ultimate, so restful as yours. So far as I 
 come in contact with men, they unconsciously swerve 
 into my orbit, never mind if the metaphors don t 
 "go on all fours," because I am a woman under 
 full headway ; and in the collision of sincerity with 
 falsehood, or perhaps I ought to say error, the error 
 must go down. When a man comes so near me that 
 I can touch him, he cannot help himself, but turns 
 into pure gold or at least the pure gold that existed 
 in him in solution is precipitated into visibility ; and 
 if I were a wandering Jewess, and could be the wife 
 of every man I see, I never would touch pen to paper 
 to reform the world. Mind, I could not have done it 
 if I had married him before I had myself waked to 
 consciousness, but I could do it now. But you see 
 that is impossible ; so I can only do the next best 
 thing, and work for men and women at a disadvan 
 tage. 
 
 What woman does for you, Mr. James, is to " put 
 your spiritual instincts on the research of infinite 
 things" by her " formal loveliness, grace, and tender 
 ness." But suppose by the severity of your exactions 
 you mar her loveliness, maim her grace, and forbid 
 her tenderness ? Suppose you impel her downward 
 so entirely that even her own spiritual instincts are 
 well-nigh lost, and all her soul becomes of the earth, 
 is it encouraging rivalry between the sexes for me to 
 tell you so ? When we see a man beating his wife, 
 will you stand apart and talk to him of "vivified self 
 hood," and shall I flow around him in silver silence? 
 Not a bit of it ! I will double up my fist, and give 
 him one good, sharp, stinging blow between his eyes, 
 and if it knocks him down so much the better. Nine
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 487 
 
 men out of ten are so pachydermatous that they don t 
 know they are touched unless they are felled. Then, 
 while he lies conscience-smitten, his wife may pro 
 ceed to array herself in white robes, and his own 
 outraged spirit shall return to him again. I will pour 
 in oil and wine, you shall feed him with your heave nly 
 manna, and presently we shall have him sitting with 
 his wife clothed in fitting garments and in his right 
 mind. But till the beast within him is stabbed, all 
 your music of the skies is but as the clatter of sound 
 ing brass and tinkling cymbals. 
 
 Can you not see that I am as far as possible from 
 instituting any rivalry between the sexes or aiding 
 any battle? I am for peace, for harmony, for unity. 
 I do believe that the world is a failure because it has 
 been so exclusively man s world ; but then I believe 
 it would have been just as much a failure if it had 
 bren exclusively woman s world. The world s work 
 needs to be done by man and woman together. But 
 by world s work I do not mean simply digging canals 
 and hewing stone, but making of earth heaven, which 
 surely can be done, for the kingdom of God is within 
 you. In science, art, politics, is there no spiritual 
 truth aud beauty hidden under all this coarse outward 
 seeming? I verily believe there is, aud that it will 
 throw off its cerements and rise into lovely life when 
 the virgin-born Messiah bids it come forth. In the 
 treatment of science aud politics the womanly element 
 has had hitherto little part. We should have fared just 
 as ill had the manly element been omitted ; but when 
 both are brought to bear on the same end, though not 
 perhaps in the same way, we shall see how that which 
 was so base and dull held in its ungainly bosom the 
 very brightness of the firmament.
 
 488 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Is this rivalry between the sexes ? 
 
 The thorn-tree will never produce figs, but since 
 God made it, it must have its uses, which we will dis 
 cover, and its beauty, which we may learn to love. 
 The paving-stones will never be rubies, but they may 
 become very precious stones when they bear up the 
 feet that are swift to do only good. You say that 
 men recognize women as God s shrine in our nature 
 only, etc., etc., as they are content to make home 
 sweet and holy. Content content why, it is 
 the one sole longing and love of women to make 
 home holy and sweet. They have no other thought 
 or desire, and all that these women want is the possi 
 bility to make it so. 
 
 And I belong to the woman s rights women. I 
 belong to all to those who suffer, and those who, 
 however, clumsily, are trying to mitigate suffering. 
 The brawniest Amazon that ever stalked over the 
 pavement, the vilest harlot that ever crouched in the 
 cellars beneath it I belong to them all. I have 
 not gone through the world with my heart naked, 
 shuddering against all the world s woes, and quiver 
 ing with all its pain, that I should gather my skirts 
 from the dust and walk softly away to green pastures 
 and still waters. I am pure, I am blameless only 
 just so far as I go down into these sad places and 
 pour over them all a warm, human sympathy. If I 
 hug my virtue, away in some vale of Tempo, I am of 
 all creatures most vile. What shall be my thank- 
 offering to God for having set my feet on a dry 
 place, if not unceasing effort to help all struggling 
 souls to come up hither to me and breathe with me 
 the pure air and stand by my side in the sweet 
 sunshine?
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 489 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 MARCH 27, 1865. 
 
 The Mr. R. of whom I spoke is A. D. Rich 
 ardson, one of the "Tribune" correspondents, who 
 was eighteen months in Rebel hands. He is a gentle 
 manly person, of wit and humor, very agreeable, not 
 handsome, a good writer, well informed, etc. He is 
 a kind of Bohemian, and he thinks I am, but I am 
 not, nor should I, on any account, think of going to 
 New York. I have neither the desire nor the inten 
 tion to seek society of any kind, nor to use any ap 
 pliances. You, Mr. Wood, as I have often told you, 
 are clean given up to the pomps and vanities of this 
 world. You use fine-sounding phrases in your let 
 ters, but you know you would give every cent of your 
 twenty thousand dollars, this minute, to have me, a 
 handsome woman, at the head of a marble Fifth Ave 
 nue sort of house-ruling society, and you a witness 
 and worshipper! Don t you know that? Now I dare 
 say, if these things were in my power, as you think 
 they are, I might set higher value on them than I 
 do ; but as it is, I am extremely well content with my 
 country hills and my spring chickens, and I seriously 
 think your game is not worth the candle. As a para- 
 graphist for any paper, I think I should lose every 
 thing and gain nothing. I rather think, if I grow 
 good all I can here, I shall do very well. At any 
 rate, here is the place where God has put me, and 
 here I stay till He bids me hence. 
 
 Mr. Edward Everett I shall have to put on the 
 shelf with the Connecticut saints. You grow rabid 
 at the mere flutter of his mantle. But your insinua 
 tions against Whittier pass by me as the idle wind !
 
 490 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Don t you see that what might be fulsome in Bos 
 ton might be magnanimous in Amesbnry? "Whittier 
 knows nothing of all you say against E. E. He has 
 probably seen him only as I have seen him "a 
 rose of Academe." He has stood up against him all 
 his life till the last four years with a bravery un 
 daunted. But now, standing on the grave of his 
 fallen foe, he generously forgets all his evil, so far as 
 possible, or merges it in the purer glow of the sunset 
 hour. 
 
 By the way, I gave one of your portraits to my 
 Minnesota sister to take home with her. She desired 
 me to say that she had taken a great deal of pleasure 
 in your letters tliis winter, and expected to take a 
 good deal more in looking at your picture in her 
 Western home. They have Future Life," so that 
 they feel tolerably well acquainted with you. They 
 left for Minnesota a week ago Saturday. I went to 
 Boston with them, and we went to see and hear the 
 Great Organ, which really seems to me more grand 
 every time I hear it. Such tempests of sound, and 
 such tender little thrills of melody. 
 
 I don t think I was made for an editor. I should 
 lose more by failure than I should gain by success, 
 and success I could not compass. The undertaking 
 would be too difficult, and my reputation now is 
 ahead of ray deserts. One of my unknown admirers 
 sent me an elegant picture the other day, elegant and 
 beautiful and nicely framed. I have " lots " of 
 books sent me, and I am as busy as a bee from 
 morning to night, week in and week out, and the 
 summer is coming, and the blue-birds and robins 
 have been here a week, and the grass is already 
 growing green on our bank, and altogether it is going
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 491 
 
 to be very nice when it grows a little warmer, and I 
 get well of my cold. Good-by. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 MARCH 27. 
 
 If I ever see your sister H. I am going to have one 
 talk about you. She is a bright woman, and she 
 knows you, and is not your wife ; three things not 
 often combined, yet all three necessary to a satisfac 
 tory talk, such as I propose to myself. I don t know 
 whether I should like to be "a little, young, pretty 
 girl always," or not. I should have to try it first to 
 see, and I don t know what you mean by going off 
 into such a series of fireworks about me. If I say 
 the least little innocent thing, such as anybody might 
 utter without thinking, why up you fly in a shower of 
 fiery sparks to descend and consume me. And your 
 notions about beauty I beg your pardon are all, 
 or chiefly, nonsense. Pretty people are just as clever 
 as ugly people. I don t doubt Miss C. is the most 
 sensible girl of her circle. Anyway, she sings finely, 
 and that is something. Do you imagine I should be 
 any more silly than I am now, if I were tall, with dark 
 eyes and smooth hair, and manners, and presence, and 
 dignity? And don t you believe you would be an 
 unpleasant sort of man if you had had a kingdom, 
 and an army, and freedom and glory, and had lost 
 them all, and had to have your picture taken while 
 you were trudging through the dusty streets barefoot 
 and chained behind the coach of the man who had 
 conquered you? And if you had not seen Miss Hos- 
 mer s portrait I should have thought the first thing 
 you would do when I asked you how you liked it 
 would be to go immediately and see it.
 
 492 ftAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 APRIL 3. 
 
 If my hand seems somewhat shaky don t mind it. 
 Just as I sat down to write you a wretch of a pedlar 
 came to the end door. I opened it and he came in, 
 I falling back gradually. He was so odd that after 
 he had gone I went to the window to see what became 
 of him. He had disappeared, and I went into the 
 parlor to look up the road, and there was the miscre 
 ant looking in at the window. I was so scared that I 
 lost all consciousness of fright (sensible, isn t it?), 
 and I went to the front door and flung it wide open, 
 and ordered him away, and the villain was as gallant 
 as you please, Vay-y fine parlor, vay-y fine par 
 lor," and bowing and smiling. Oh, how I wanted to 
 be a man and knock him down, and now I am afraid 
 he was taking observations, and will come back to 
 night and break into the house. What do you think? 
 I wish I was skilled in gunnery. Isn t there a shoot 
 ing-school in Boston where I could take lessons? If 
 the war should be over pretty soon don t you suppose 
 I could get a pair of Columbiads cheap? 
 
 Well, I have alarmed the neighborhood, and now 
 things must take their course ; but the vile creature 
 looked so strong. I foresee I shall not write you any 
 kind of a letter, for that pedlar keeps running in my 
 head. Besides, I am watching all the time to see if 
 he comes back. Oh, if there wasn t ever any night, 
 how glad I should be ! I can stand things in the day 
 time when I can see them, but this darkness that peo 
 ples the earth with phantoms, and turns all things 
 into giants, and dragons, and ghosts ! What a pity, 
 what a pity that Eve ate the apple, and then there 
 wouldn t have been any pedlars. We have a great 
 Indian war-club, and if I can get at him just as he is
 
 BUSY YEARS IX HAMILTON 493 
 
 climbing in at the window about midnight, I shall 
 knock his brains out without the least remorse, and 
 think it is the best use they can be put to ; but I am 
 afraid I shan t wake up till he gets all in, and then 
 it ll be my brains. 
 
 APRIL 4. 
 
 You ought to be very anxious, but I don t suppose 
 you are, still I am going to relieve the anxiety which 
 you ought to feel, by informing you that I still live, 
 and that, thanks to the excellent police system which 
 I improvised yesterday, we slept in peace. Thanks 
 to that and Providence, of course, I mean. I went 
 up street and asked a man who was going to Parish 
 meeting to watch the pedlar, and see what became of 
 him. So he did, and when the pedlar came back the 
 man came too, and marched into the barn and around 
 the house as lordly as if he had been one of the family, 
 which I thought was very kind in the man, don t you? 
 and then I gave him fifty cents and asked him to be 
 at the station when the trains came, and see that the 
 pedlar went away, and come and tell me, which he 
 did, ringing the bell at ten o clock at night, and I got 
 out of bed and went to the window, and concluded 
 the business. Meanwhile, Mr. D., with his usual kind 
 ness, had come over and spent the evening, and Mr. 
 French, the minister, ditto, almost which is what we 
 call a levee in Hamilton, and to-day the old clock 
 ticks as usual, and I am 
 
 Yours respectfully. 
 
 And Richmond is taken 
 " For joy-bells and chorus 
 The passion comes o er us 
 To ring and to sing 
 For the tidings that bring 
 The downfall of treason in vision before us."
 
 494 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Unfortunately, somebody has stolen the halyards, 
 or something, of our flag, so we cannot raise it, and 
 we have no voice for our joy. 
 
 But there is one thing I have as well as you, my 
 learned and honorable friend, and that is maple mo 
 lasses. It came from Keene, sir. It came from 
 Surry, sir, which is beyond Keene. It is not molasses, 
 sir, it is syrup. It is the molten Liquid of Life, sir. 
 It is the distilled essence of sunshine, ruddy as the 
 wine of Hafiz, and sweet as the voice of Contariua. 
 It is four dollars a jug, sir, and the jug sixty-five 
 cents, and I wish we had a row of them all around 
 the house, big enough to contain Ali Baba and his 
 Forty Thieves. Now, if your fountain among the 
 reeds will spout up a constant stream of maple syrup, 
 why count upon my constancy ? My flower-gardeu is 
 verj well, thank you, and deserves to be remembered. 
 It is a little under the weather just now, but as soon 
 as we get the old shop moved up for our pantry, and 
 a man to come and plough, and plant, and sow, then 
 I know another man whom I am going after to come 
 and trim up my garden, and I am going to pick out 
 the stones from it, and pave a pathway through the 
 front yard, where it is all grass now, which is lovely, 
 but damp. The peonies are already coming up, and 
 I am taking time by the forelock and watering the 
 garden now, so, if it have a camel s stomach, it will 
 not suffer from next summer s droughts. 
 
 If things would be sure to happen just as you want 
 them to happen I should be delighted to see you, 
 but they never do. Something awkward would come 
 and spoil everything. I will tell you, if you will be 
 good and not cross, and I am good and we get into 
 a beautiful world after this, I will be very intimate
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 495 
 
 and particular friends with you and invite you to my 
 house on the slightest provocation. But you must 
 not go about among flowers and fruits and fine young 
 ladies and pots of butter and then take credit to your 
 self for not being cross. You must be pawed and 
 clawed from morning till night with disagreeable 
 things, and still be amiable. That will be something 
 to reckon on. You should have seen the house I saw 
 in my dreams the other night, and it was mine, so 
 stately, and all shadowed with vines and magnificent 
 trees, and summer breathing through all the coolness 
 such an indescribable air of comfort, and dignity, 
 and elegance, with all manner of rural loveliness 
 blooming and breathing over it, in which respect it is 
 not unlike 
 
 Yours very truly. 
 
 HAMILTON, April 15. 
 
 MY DEAR : I meant to write you to-day, but the 
 dreadful news this morning has dispirited us all and 
 there seems little interest in anything. The time 
 seems chosen for the purpose of making the shock 
 greatest, and we can only say with " Perley," God 
 help the United States ! There is doubtless good to 
 come from this great calamity and wickedness, but 
 as yet it is impossible to see what the good is. It is 
 no new thing for kings to be assassinated, but such 
 butchery as this has seldom been seen and never in 
 this country. 
 
 Mary came last Friday in the midst of the rain and 
 stayed till Monday morning. Parker Pillsbury also 
 called in the afternoon at the front door ; I thought 
 he was an agent and opened the door just a crack, 
 but when he announced his name I admitted him to
 
 496 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 full communion. He stayed for an hour or so was 
 odd, individual, interesting. He designed to lecture 
 here, took dinner at Mr. Israel Brown s, and won him 
 over to his side. 
 
 In the afternoon Jose and Melly came, and Mr. 
 Dodge brought me a copy of li Skirmishes and 
 Sketches." He had been to Boston and seen Mr. 
 Fields, who told him that they had had very large 
 advance orders for it, that it was all ready to be pub 
 lished but they were waiting for the excitement to 
 abate somewhat alas, that it is not abated but swal 
 lowed up in a new and more terrible one ! Alas for 
 the good man cut down in his prime ! Alas for the 
 country that has lost its first citizen ! 
 
 " For the Stars on our banner grown suddenly dim, 
 Let us weep in our darkness, but weep not for him." 
 
 I hope he read my note with his own eye but T sus 
 pect it is doubtful. I told him his rest should be 
 glorious when it did come, but I did not think it would 
 be so glorious, nor so swift in coming. 
 
 Wednesday evening I went to P. Pillsbury s lecture. 
 It was interesting and well received, but was more 
 retrospective than reconstructive, and was therofore 
 less valuable than I had hoped it would be. The 
 audience was small and so was the collection. " Red 
 Letter Days " is going through the press. 
 
 SPRING, 1865. 
 
 Wednesday I had a letter from a Mrs. Pitman of 
 Providence, a friend of Whittier s, who had learned 
 from him that he thought I might go to Quarterly 
 Meeting at Newport, and wished me to visit her in P. 
 Thursday (25) Dio Lewis sent me another invitation
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 497 
 
 to visit them at Lexington, which was declined with 
 thanks. Dr. and Mrs. Flitner called a few minutes 
 to answer a letter which I sent to uncle and aunt and 
 which Mrs. Cowles declares ought to be published in 
 my memoirs. 
 
 Harrison Porter came over and killed our rooster, to 
 my deep regret. He was the best rooster I ever saw. 
 I have heard of their being gallant, but never saw one 
 before but he was a model of chivalry, the very 
 soul of unselfishness, clucked like a hen to her chicks, 
 and never seemed to eat anything almost flew at 
 me whenever I made trouble among the hens. But 
 he is gone into a chicken-pie ! I had a letter from 
 New York offering unlimited salary to contribute to 
 the new paper "The Nation," also from Philadelphia 
 ditto for another paper. Both declined. Thurs 
 day, Fast Day, we went to Manchester, resolving 
 that we would have kept the day scrupulously if 
 it had been the day first appointed. Also we had 
 a half intention of going to church, and as the bell 
 rang in Beverly Farms just as we got there, we halted 
 and went into a Baptist meeting-house and heard a 
 very loyal sermon. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 APRIL 27, 1865. 
 
 I am going to write to you to say that I send you, 
 with this, a copy of " Skirmishes and Sketches," 
 which I happen to have in my possession. I should 
 have sent it before, only it is not worth sending. 
 We have fourteen chickens, all healthy and handsome, 
 and I have bought some flower seeds, and a prairie- 
 rose, and a bush-honeysuckle, and a cl-e-u-t-z-i-e (?), 
 and geraniums, and daisies, and feverfews, and things,
 
 498 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and a man came and set out the great trees, and I 
 shall put in the mustard seeds myself , and to-day is 
 cloudy and warm and I have been out-doors three 
 hours, including breakfast and a few such trifles. 
 
 The pedlar did not do any harm by looking into 
 the window. I like to have people looking in at 
 windows, it is so social. 
 
 I congratulate you on your watch-chain, but dear 
 me, I have two, and watches besides. One is in my 
 watch-case, and the other is planted in the Connecticut 
 valley somewhere. The first my scholars gave me, 
 and two summers ago I went to walk in Hartford 
 across the fields and lost it, and then a man gave me 
 another, a beauty, in a hunting-case, and don t you 
 tell of it, for my mother does not know it to this day. 
 
 Was not I good to keep it from her ? I killed three 
 hundred thousand caterpillars yesterday. Fire. But 
 a good many of them are alive this morning. 
 
 MAY 6, 1805. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. W. : I have three letters from you 
 like Jeremiah s figs, the last good, very good, the 
 first very bad, not fit for the pigs. No, Mr. Wood, 
 I will not flatter you. The letter you send me this 
 morning is so excellent that I am moved to have it 
 framed and glazed, taken to the meeting-house, and 
 read from the pulpit at the very least. The last long 
 one that preceded it was so bad that I was quite out 
 of conceit with you a hateful, fault-finding, "can 
 tankerous " spirit, which you must cast out neck and 
 heels if you expect ever to have a good time with 
 Mrs. Jay and Perpetua, and Frankie, low, mercen 
 ary, worldly, self-sufficient, evil-concentrating. Now 
 I suppose you expect me go into particulars. Not
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 499 
 
 I to justify iny accusations. No, sir, I have not 
 looked at the letter since that morning, and now you 
 have come out a gentleman and a Christian once 
 more, so let by-gones be by-gones. By the way, 
 what would you give to read your "character" by 
 Mrs. Rollins. She understands you extremely well, 
 I think, considering she has seen you so little, but 
 she is a seeing woman, and of uncommon intellectual 
 acuteness and power. 
 
 Your little carte de visile (is that the way to spell 
 it?) is going into the handsomest frame that can be 
 found for it. 
 
 My new dress is a kind of travelling-dress. Mrs. 
 F. and I bought it. I was up there staying three or 
 four days, and we went shopping and I bought every 
 thing she told me to an English straw hat, trimmed 
 with blue and brown velvet, with a stunning blue 
 feather, long and twisted and the most magnificent 
 color, price that would have delighted the pomps and 
 vanities of your worldly heart, and an elegant and 
 fashionable sack, with alarming buttons, the prettiest 
 in Hovey s (I believe it was) warehouse, and no end 
 of pockets stuck all over it, and this dress, soft dove- 
 colored stripes, trimmed with brilliant blue cord and 
 tails and all, and, do you believe, I put on my trappings 
 and pranced down into the parlor to show off, and 
 now, says Mrs. F., you can travel from one end of 
 the United States to the other ! Oh ! and a pair of 
 boots, and I am going to send to New York for 
 Stewart s gloves, and then ! 
 
 Now, miserable man, you know how you gloat over 
 such vanities as these and then talk "Baptist" and 
 leathern girdle and wild honey in the next line. I 
 have some wild honey, by the way. I sent up to New
 
 500 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Hampshire for some maple syrup, the very golden 
 juice of the sun, and, if possible, I will save " a 
 drap " against you come next summer. I am not 
 sure it will keep. If you should see the way I eat it 
 you would not be very sure either. 
 
 I work out-doors a great deal, and a great deal 
 more in the house, and am busy from morning till 
 night, and often think what a mercy it is you don t 
 live in Hamilton, because you are such an idle person, 
 you know, and would be lounging about so much, but 
 I should turn you into the garden and set you at work 
 weeding ! 
 
 Thank you for your good words anent the new 
 book. I have not had a very overweening opinion of 
 its merits, and should not have sent you a copy only I 
 knew you would be sending for one if I didn t. 
 However, I hope it may strike others more favorably 
 than it does me. Don t you mean "New Atmos 
 phere " all the time you are talking about " Stumbling 
 Blocks " ? I don t think the latter has been partic 
 ularly abused by the "religious press," and I know 
 that the former has, to its and my great advantage. 
 
 Political!} , I agree enthusiastically with every word 
 of your letter, and wish your views might be carried out 
 to the letter and in the spirit. The " N. Y. World" 
 comes, and I read it. It may be able, but I have 
 thought it was a Satanic ability. " Harper s Weekly," 
 "Punch," the "Army and Navy Journal," are also 
 here and welcome. I expect the Unitarian Monthly " 
 is going to follow Edward through the heavens, and 
 make all the " illustrious and sainted men," as one of 
 his eulogists has it, take off their hats to him. I 
 wonder whether he will be on good terms with Mr. 
 John Brown up there. I believe, on my soul, you
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 501 
 
 will look askance on him for the first century or two, 
 at least. 
 
 Mr. Tocld, formerly of Newburyport, now a gentle 
 man at large, spent the evening here the other day, 
 and has sent me a very curious breast-pin made of an 
 oil-nut in its natural state, if you will believe me. I 
 like to work out-doors. Mrs. F. sent me down a 
 "Anonymous," which came to her from "My Farm 
 at Edgewood," but her garden is not ready to receive 
 it, and mine is. I went to the little church in C., 
 horrid ! Yes it was, and you would have said so 
 such a stamping and ranting. In Boston we went to 
 hear a Mr. Carroll read Browning, which he did very 
 finely. I never heard any one read Browning so well. 
 Miss Palfrey was at tea with us, a most brilliant, 
 entertaining, and agreeable woman. We have four 
 teen little chickens, the loveliest, healthiest, hungriest 
 little rogues you ever saw. 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 MAY 9, 1865. 
 
 MY DEAR : Tuesday I had a letter from Mrs. 
 Spalding, in which she informed me that she had 
 sprained her wrist badly, and that my " Christ as a 
 Preacher " was mischievous and heretical. I went 
 over to Mr. D s to show my hat he informed me 
 that it made me look like a saucy girl of sixteen. 
 They have had a great meeting at Savannah, about 
 the assassination. Friday your letter came and one 
 from E. H. She says that was a terrible night 
 in Washington horror and amazement all night 
 long. She saw the inaugural performance of A. John 
 son. She says " he did not seem so much like a 
 drunken man as one under some demoniacal influence.
 
 502 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 His belter self seemed all the while struggling against 
 some malign spirit." She says she " never saw a 
 human being s face so redeemed and glorified by ex 
 altation of sentiment as Mr. Lincoln s was that day. 
 It was fairly radiant. It was as if this world were 
 slipping away from his grasp and a better opened to 
 him." " Robert has deported himself in the manliest 
 manner." She says of "New Atmosphere": "All 
 women and all independent thinkers like it," and 
 sends her love to you. Friday afternoon was pre 
 paratory. I killed caterpillars all noon time, chased 
 Mrs. Porter s hens home, and then went to lecture, 
 meditating by what scriptural authority the church 
 appointed a preparatory lecture, anyway. I don t 
 remember that anything of the sort was done in the 
 Bible, but I was a little taken aback when I got there 
 to hear Mr. Sewell congratulate himself that he was 
 going to have two this week ours as well as his 
 own. But he didn t deceive me. He didn t come for 
 the delight of it, according to the best of my knowl 
 edge and belief, but because Mr. French was moving 
 and wanted him to preach for him, and he would 
 preach one of his old sermons for Mr. Sewell next 
 day. However, if I could do all the talking at lect 
 ures I dare say I should like two a week as well as 
 they. Saturday I had a nice letter from Mr. Wood, 
 one of his best. He says, too, that it is thought Mr. 
 Johnson was drugged, that a very pious lady from 
 Nashville who had known him, I think, from a child, 
 said that he never was drunk, or to that effect, and 
 that ex-Vice-Presidcut Hamlin, who has known him 
 for twenty years, says he has always been a sober 
 man. 
 
 President French sent me a new instalment of
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 5Q3 
 
 "religious press" criticism, headed "Moral Pesti 
 lence and Death," "Bad as Bad Can Be," etc. 
 N. Y. O. (not O. Y. F.) seems awaking to the true 
 state of the case and says but for the religious news 
 papers, etc., the book "would have perished at its 
 birth in its native corruption." 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 MAY 9. 
 
 By the way, what you say about the law adds to 
 the irrepressible conflict in my mind. Are law and 
 politics necessarily so bad? May they not be puri 
 fied? I don t like to think that any profession or 
 occupation demands a low living, because there your 
 immovable force comes in contact with your irresistible 
 body. Oh, how that sentence has wabbled around 
 wrong ! If my arm were not so tired, aching, I would 
 be eloquent here, there is material enough, but you 
 see what I am at, don t you? 
 
 You can t see me "because I wear a veil." I do 
 everywhere for that matter, but a lace veil out-doors. 
 I am such " a little, timid, tender person," you know, 
 such a dear little, delicate lily of the valley, knowing 
 no sterner duty than to give caresses and fits to a few 
 caterpillars now and then, a fragile, drooping, sensi 
 tive plant, whose clear and eloquent blood speaks in 
 her cheeks, and so distinctly wreaks that you might 
 almost say her body thicks. Let us have rhyme 
 whether we can catch reason or not. 
 
 No, I have not read the " Aimless and Anxious Fe 
 males," but it sounds attractive, and I wish you would 
 send it to me as you did Wendell Phillips speech, 
 but you won t have the same inducement that you did
 
 504 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 then, a column of personal abuse of me, that was 
 what made you so forward to send that paper, and Dr. 
 Vermilye, no, it wasn t either, it was your own kind 
 heart, and I am a heartless, ungrateful miscreant, 
 and I thank you with all my heart. I did not write 
 your name in " S. & S." l of malice aforethought. It 
 is not worth while, but I will write it in as many 
 " New Atmospheres" as you please. That is a book 
 to live or die by, for the truth that is in it is not of 
 an age, but for all time. It may be roughly hewn, 
 but you must always have your pioneer with his pick 
 axe before your Grecian temple can go up. There 
 is a most lovely bird prinking himself in the apple 
 tree. 
 
 HAMILTON, May 24, 1865. 
 
 MY DEAR SHEIKH : What is the good, I should like 
 to know, of being a Quaker if you are going to lose 
 your sweet temper on every little provocation, just 
 like a world s people? I thought Friends were 
 equanimous, and never swore at you nor anything. 
 But you call me " a woman," and in the news 
 papers that dash always means a wicked word. Now 
 then! 
 
 Besides, my dear, you told a fib. Don t you know 
 you did? Did you not begin with saying that you 
 did not know that it would be any satisfaction to me, 
 etc., etc., when you knew it would be the greatest 
 satisfaction ? Oh ! yes, you did know it perfectly 
 well. You know that if no one else in the world 
 cared for it if, indeed, every one abused it, and it 
 amused you for a day or in a storm I should be 
 glad I wrote it all the same. That is the second 
 
 1 " Skirmishes and Sketches."
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 505 
 
 count in my indictment. . . . As to violating con 
 fidence, my friend, that is impossible, for tbee never 
 gave me any to violate. Thee knows I never could 
 get anything out of thee but by main force ; and 
 when I thought I had thee fairly started, and could 
 begin to sit back in my chair and take mine ease in 
 mine inn, thee would be sure to break off short, and 
 run into the closet for a handful of wood, or do some 
 other unnecessary and utterly irrelevant thing. I 
 mean to have that wood-room walled up next time I 
 come, or else I will take my chair and sit down in 
 front of it, as they did at thy favorite P^piscopal 
 Church in Salem last Sunday to prevent the rector 
 from preaching. Think of that, Master Brooke ! 
 The church spending the holy Sabbath day in a 
 brawl! The direct descendant of St. Peter fisti 
 cuffing his wardens away from the vestry, and 
 marching through the streets with his robes on his 
 arm, and a procession of the faithful trotting after 
 him to his own house to hear the gospel of love dis 
 pensed (with). Well, who knows whether some 
 thing equally regrettable will not happen to you if 
 you don t confide more in me ? If you would trust 
 to my honor, and say, " Abig il Jane, I purpose to 
 give thee the history of my life and sufferings from 
 the beginning down to a period which is within the 
 memory of men still living," why I should be all 
 ears. There would be no tongue left in me. As it 
 is, I have to pursue knowledge with such infinite cost 
 of time and pains that I am sure what I get is fairly 
 earned mine in fee simple, to have and to hold, for 
 better, for worse. 
 
 Beside, it is all nonsense what thee says about 
 " not necessary," and all that. On the contrary, it
 
 506 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 is the central tank and fountain around which the 
 whole temple and if I can t have the tank, you 
 can t have the temple so give me back my story 
 and take your northeast rain-storm. And I don t 
 believe thee cares one bit, anyway. I know /don t. 
 It s no use thee thinking thee is going to have thy 
 way all the time. They natter thee up the people 
 do all about till thee think thee can lord it over a 
 snipe like me most unconscionably. Well, I m not of 
 much account, I know ; but I will speak out occasion 
 ally, and thee may scold to thy heart s content. I 
 like thee scolding and I like thee smiling, and I hurl 
 defiance at thee. Thee says thee cannot look into 
 Annie Fields face and blame her for anything, but 
 thee makes up for it the moment thee looks in my 
 face ! I shall not go to Newport, but you better go. 
 They will all be so delighted, and they will take care 
 of you if you are sick, and cosset you up beautifully. 
 I d go! 
 
 JUNK 7. 
 
 A good somebody over in Newburyport, whom I 
 never saw, has sent me dozens of plants, and Mr. 
 D., the good man, cairie over in the rain and set 
 them out under an umbrella. Now if you make a 
 mistake there, it must be from inborn intellectual 
 fatuity and not from any want of clearness in the nar 
 rative. But I told the tale for the moral s sake, which 
 is to you- ward. See how Mr. D., who makes no 
 professions, comes and works in my gravel bed while 
 some one whom I could mention, who swears eternal 
 fidelity, stands afar off and only lifts up his voice in 
 laughter at my poor little thirsty orphans. There are 
 people I know skilful in corn and kine, but where in
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 50 7 
 
 their hearts are the beautiful virtues of modesty and 
 charity? And not even echo finds her tongue in 
 response. I have had many roses this year, and each 
 rose has had many bugs, and they have all thriven. 
 Think how many homes I have made happy. 
 
 Of course a politician, or a lawyer, or a merchant 
 may be a good, true, honest man as I very well know, 
 but they are very often not, though we have sore need 
 of such good men. Now I know nothing about it of 
 mine own self, but you don t think the best in the 
 world of law, and there is great talk of knavery among 
 the others, but Dan will have only beautiful things to 
 do all his life. He will only have to work his material 
 into the best possible shapes. I think his bracket is 
 lovely, and I have put them both up in my room under 
 an engraving of one of Landseer s pictures, tell him. 
 We have not had canker-worms this year, and only 
 one last year, but we have had caterpillars, which to 
 me are more dreadful, if there is any degree in the 
 horror with which I regard them. I think these feel 
 ings are by instinct. Certainly I never had any fright 
 or any teaching, yet all these creeping things are inex 
 pressibly loathsome to me. I don t object to flies, or 
 the winged animals generally, though I don t like 
 rose-bugs. 
 
 In looking over your letter I find you signalize the 
 first of June by dining on crackers and milk. A 
 remarkable coincidence, for when I was in Boston / 
 dined on crackers and milk at Mrs. Haven s saloon, 
 and nice milk it was, too, and a great deal of it, more 
 than I could eat, to my sorrow, and I had them put a 
 great lump of ice in it, and it was delicious. You 
 know I was excited and all a-fever as usual, and the 
 mere thought of eating well-nigh choked me, but the
 
 508 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ice-cold milk was a refrigerator. We have it a great 
 deal at home in the summer. My mother and I drink 
 neither tea nor coffee. 
 
 JUNE 24, 1865. 
 
 I told you I would write you a lovely letter, and so 
 I will, but I don t know what it will be about. I went 
 up to Boston to see you and comfort you for your lost 
 gold watch, but I could find nothing of you, and so I 
 meandered into the Mt. Vernon Church and took 
 council with the Reverend Fathers assembled there. 
 I had a fine time of it. The clergy and all the elect 
 were downstairs, and all we old wives and profanum 
 vulgus were in the galleries, and no passing to and 
 from to speak of, and nobody saw me, and I saw 
 everybody and sat still and at rest. Now why did 
 not you just drop in and indulge in notes and com 
 ments ? I think it would have been charming, I 
 assure you, that our Orthodox brethren were a highly 
 respectable body, and I was very strongly confirmed 
 in my Calvinism. If I had not been Orthodox before 
 I should have become so on the spot. Men, not 
 principles ! 
 
 Later. 
 
 I never drank a cup of tea nor of coffee since I was 
 nine years old. Then I went away on a visit for the 
 first time, and the coffee did not suit me, and I thought 
 it was less trouble to do without it altogether than to 
 get it right, and never have touched it since. 
 
 Life always sat very loosely on me. I have no 
 particular plans for this world, and never did have 
 any. I just live along from day to day, taking things 
 as they come. Better has happened to me than I 
 ever dreamed of happening to me, but far below what
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 5Q9 
 
 might happen if the order of the universe were 
 changed. I have no hope of any personal revenue 
 from the future beyond what the past has brought 
 me, and I do not know that I ever was sanguine. 
 The only personal ambition I recollect was when I 
 should have left school to have a steel-colored silk 
 dress with a large cape, and not to marry any one till 
 I had taught school a year. I never had the steel- 
 colored silk, and I did teach my year, but I found 
 no great sorrow in the one, and no great solace in 
 the other but other things have come and a change 
 of base followed, and somehow it does not seem as if 
 there was any me at all. I am, like the late Confed 
 eracy, a mere shell. Somewhere, I supect, hidden in 
 some remote corner, the germ of a person with large 
 personal life lies unseen, and will one day, under 
 other skies, spring into light and then it will be me, 
 but for the present, I am one, and another, and all 
 souls, but in the great stress of the world there is no 
 room for me. In a crowd whoever can hold himself 
 in abeyance ought to do so, for the great throng 
 have no consciousness and no choice but to be obvi 
 ous. But when I do live, how I shall live ! 
 
 Thank you for your honeysuckle. I have a little 
 one that fills the air with fragrance. Now good-by. 
 Be good and you will be happy, at least you will be 
 much better off than if you are not good, and if you 
 are not just so happy all the time you must not mind 
 it. They are all doing very well at home, I doubt 
 not, only they all want you, and Pamela, strange to 
 say, thinks you are the nicest old dear that ever was, 
 and is afraid you will get all tired and dusty and un 
 comfortable, and the children are wondering if it will 
 be a week, or a month, before you will come, and I
 
 510 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 think it is not much when you come, seeing, wherever 
 you are, there is a good brave man who sparkles so 
 on the surface that one might think him but a glassy 
 inland pool if he had not eyes to see, under the 
 sparkle, honest, still sea-depths none the less pro 
 found for the sunshine that plays over them. And 
 when an angel goes down and troubles the waters, I 
 hope my friend will remember that it is an angel, a 
 messenger from heaven and not to be too sorely 
 dismayed. 
 
 I "guess" he thinks I am his grandmother by the 
 way I talk to him, but the moment I really care for 
 any one, I always begin to feel sort of grandmotherly 
 towards him, her, or it. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 JUNE 26, 1865. 
 
 You will be delighted to know that I have been 
 strengthening my bulwarks by watching the proceed 
 ings of the council now assembled in Ashburton 
 Place, though I watched from the galleries and took 
 only a limited and entirely private part in the discus 
 sions. But it is worth while even to look on the 
 Columbiads of Congregationalism Bacon, Button, 
 the Beechers, the Sturtevants, Todd, Thompson, 
 Park, etc. Governor Buckingham is a fine-looking 
 gentleman, really fine and gentle as I looked down upon 
 him, and the assistant moderator, Colonel Ham 
 mond, a layman of Chicago, is one of the most execu 
 tive Executives I ever saw. I like to see him act, he 
 seems to have the Council so well in hand, and knows 
 just what to do, and does it. Nothing inspires confi 
 dence like confidence, with facts to stand on. But 
 why am I telling all this to a poor forlorn Baptist,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 51 1 
 
 who has neither part nor lot in Congregationalism ? 
 Why, simply to give an account of myself, not in the 
 least to "aggravate" him. But some of the scenes 
 where I have " assisted" have been of no denomina 
 tional interest, but lay hold on large issues of state as 
 well as church. The response to the foreign delega 
 tion, Quint s, Thompson s, Vaughan s, Raleigh s, 
 and Beecher s speeches, was extremely interesting, 
 more so than any report will tell you. I was just 
 glad to see England arraigned and explaining, though 
 I was glad, too, that matters took a turn not only 
 pacific, but fraternal. Yet how great an eye-opener 
 is success ! But I think we shall not build you a 
 church in Washington. It seems far better to build 
 in our waste places, than where there are already 
 plenty cumberers of the ground. 
 
 In liking the " Henriade " you only side with the 
 majority, who must be simply pleased with the home 
 liness and rusticity of the subject, as the paper has no 
 other especial merit. But I suppose many people are 
 reminded by it of their early experiences ;md so the 
 one touch of nature makes the whole world Itind 
 towards it. " Skirmishes and Sketches," I am told, 
 goes very well. The " Folly in Israel" has been op 
 posed, but courteously, in the "Sunday-school Times." 
 With this letter goes also the last proof of a sixth 
 book by a well-known popular author. It is, however, 
 only a children s book, and will make no especial stir 
 in the world, let us pray heaven. 
 
 Your protest against turning Unitarian shall go 
 upon record, notwithstanding we the Council have 
 declared that we are no more Trinitarian than we are 
 Unitarian. There s for you. But the trouble with 
 you is not that you call a spade a spade, but that you
 
 512 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 call a silver sugar-spoon a spade, and see it as a 
 spade, and use it spade-wise. However, it is not 
 worth while to distress yourself about this, especially 
 as I know you won t. 
 
 And I am charmed by your proposition that I lay 
 to your credit your printed letters. Pray do the 
 same by me, and our correspondence will conduct 
 itself voluminously, summarily, and in a way much to 
 be regretted by the post-office department. 
 
 I shall not go to Quarterly meeting. And Whittier 
 is not going, either. He says as he could get no one 
 to go with him he concluded not to go at all, and 
 betook himself to the mountains, which is much better 
 for him, I think. 
 
 I wish you would look about and see if you can 
 find something pretty for a money-holder. The other 
 day I lost my purse in Boston left it on the counter 
 at Chandler s, with twenty-five or thirty dollars in it. 
 They were honest, and restored it ; but, on examining 
 it, I found I should be quite ashamed of advertising 
 it. It is all burst out, and battered, and shabby, 
 and I want something new, and fresh, and pretty, so 
 that if I lose it it will be worth finding, and I shall 
 not blush in knowing that men call it " mine." 
 
 I found a whole pile of letters waiting for me when 
 I got home. The Ashbys have sent for me to go to 
 
 The Laurels to-morrow, and the s to meet them 
 
 at Gorham, N.H., which is simply impossible, but I 
 design to go to The Laurels, as I have declined for 
 several years, but I hate to go, there will be so many 
 people there, and I shall be dreadfully looked at, but 
 I shall wear my veil, and keep it down, and make 
 the best of it.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 513 
 
 JUNE 30, 1865. 
 
 A lady came to me in the cars and asked if this 
 was Miss Hamilton? I said no. Had I been thought 
 to resemble her? Not that I ever heard of ! Oh ! why 
 she asked was because she was going to The Laurels, 
 and she thought I might be going, too, and she feared 
 she might have taken the wrong day. I said / was 
 going to The Laurels, too, and it was all right. You 
 should have seen the breathless attention and aston 
 ishment of Messrs. Benson and Cutler during the 
 colloquy, which I maintained with the utmost frank 
 ness and gravity. "Why," said Mr. Benson when 
 she had gone, "doesn t she mean Gail Hamilton?" 
 "I don t know what she meant," I replied emphati 
 cally, "I only answered what she said." They 
 agreed I should make a good lawyer. At Mr. Spald- 
 ing s I found Lucy Larcom and a Professor Webster. 
 After talking awhile he asked me if I lived in New- 
 buryport. I said no, I lived in Hamilton. What ! 
 you are not Gail Hamilton? Oh! no, not at all. 
 Well, I was entirely different from the idea he had 
 formed but being from the town of Hamilton he 
 did not know but that, etc., etc. Lucy Larcom 
 opened wide eyes at me, but I went on talking, and 
 it all passed off. It was a fine day and we went to 
 The Laurels in a steamer and two gondolas lashed to 
 its sides. Maria Mitchell, the astronomer, was there, 
 about fifty or so, iron gray hair in curls, dark and 
 rather masculine complexion, fine eyes, peculiar mouth, 
 rather full lips, talks rapidly and a little recklessly 
 like me saucy and witty, and funny and entirely 
 original and very natural and gives you an idea 
 of strength not in the least seminary-ish, or teacher- 
 ish, or fine lady-ish, or pedantic. Mrs. Oliver was
 
 514 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 there also, my Lynn friend, with Mrs. John B. Alley, 
 Mrs. Bubier, sister of Mrs. Sewell Amiable, Julia 
 Hayes. Lucy Everett, Abner Goodell, and three hun 
 dred more, and Whittier. He was in tolerable health 
 and good spirits saw the Fields at Campton, had a 
 poem read, which I told him I could have written if I 
 had only thought of it, and he wished I had read it. 
 The number of my admirers was quite wonderful to 
 see, but, as I remarked to Whittier, it is sometimes 
 convenient to be lionized, because you get so well 
 waited on. Miss Mitchell brought her niece to me, 
 remarking that she was of the gushing age, and just 
 silly enough to be enthusiastically carried away by 
 me. Going home Professor Webster edged himself 
 in by me and brought forward Professor Park s re 
 spectable man," declaring that he supposed I denied 
 my identity in the same way. I assured him that I 
 never denied my identity that my name was on the 
 town records and I always answered to it. Never 
 theless he expressed his own and his wife s regard for 
 me, arid I sent her a spray of laurel. Mr. Todd was 
 there and had sent me by letter the night before a 
 five-hundred dollar Treasury note and a ten-dollar 
 bill but unfortunately not payable till two years 
 after a treaty of peace between the United and the 
 Confederate States. 
 
 JULY 3, 1865. 
 
 BELOVED BRETHREN : We will take for the sub 
 ject of our discom se, " Trouble." The sermon natu 
 rally divides itself into two heads : 
 
 1. Roomatic. 
 
 2. Cut-worm,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 515 
 
 which, unfortunately, has many heads. Now, Alice, 
 rheumatism is a bad thing, and I can sympathize 
 with Jamie, if not with you, out of the depths of my 
 own personal experience, for I well remember how I 
 used to stand by " maw-maw, hand in boony " (hers), 
 " finger in mousey " (mine) , when she was having her 
 " spells," but I think I never arrived at your vaga 
 bond s hard-heartedness, and extracted amusement 
 for myself out of her groans. But although mother 
 has had rheumatism, it has, as you know, not fol 
 lowed her up constantly by any means, and therefore 
 I hope yours will be equally lenient, and even more 
 so. 
 
 Next the cut- worm and the chine (h) bug and the 
 grasshopper. Well, I don t know what they mean, 
 but I have a theory of things in general which in 
 cludes them, and you shall have the benefit of it 
 forthwith. I am inclined to think that the whole 
 human race is to be looked at as one individual. It 
 is created for some unspoken purpose, but just now, 
 and for a good while, it is to be educated. We shall 
 not find the end, the object of its life, in this world, 
 for here it is only put to school. Plagues, diseases, 
 earthquakes, wholesale railroad accidents, wars, and 
 chinch-bugs are its defects, which it must grow strong 
 to overcome. By its wisdom it has extracted the 
 terror from thunder-storms, or is on the way to do 
 so. Whole districts suffer from drought, and will 
 continue to do so until the race has learned the true 
 method of irrigation. Locust and grasshopper and 
 canker-worm will devour, until man, instigated by their 
 ravages, will have devised some way to conquer them 
 and reduce them to their true sphere. It is at once 
 man s promise, and his doom, to have dominion over
 
 516 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the earth, and till he establishes such dominion, until 
 he has learned and located all the forces of nature, 
 set them all in their just position, and given them all 
 their proportionate work, saying to this one "come 
 up hither," and to that one " thus far shalt thou go 
 and no farther," until he has thus dominion over 
 them, they will continue to vex and thwart and tor 
 ment him. Otherwise, he would not take pains to 
 fulfil his destiny. If these rebellious subjects did 
 not trouble him he would sit down quietly under his 
 own vine and fig-tree, and never attempt to subdue 
 the world. As it is, the canker-worm here, and the 
 potato-rot there, and the cattle-disease in a third place, 
 and the tornado in a fourth are constantly reminding 
 man that his kingdom is not subdued, and constantly 
 inciting him to new efforts. 
 
 But this great individual, the human race, is made 
 up of separate individuals, just as if every drop of 
 blood and every cell of the tissue in a man s body 
 were a sentient being. So while the race is going 
 through the process of education that process bears 
 hard on the individual. And if this world were all, 
 if there were no revelation, I should say it was a very 
 unjust and cruel arrangement. It will be a thousand 
 years before the great laws of health are known and 
 obeyed; meanwhile you are suffering from rheuma 
 tism. What comfort for your lost corn do you find 
 in believing that at some far distant future all your 
 loss will have tended to make men discover just how 
 to keep chinch-bugs down to numbers which will be 
 harmless? It was necessary to teach the world the 
 barbarism of slavery, but the starved soldiers in 
 Libby and Andersonville and Saulsbury were none 
 the less wretched for that. Well, I take it the thing
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 517 
 
 is just this, while the great individual Race is grow 
 ing, the small, individual Man is growing still more. 
 The Race lives only for this world, the men that com 
 pose it have an after life. It is a world within a 
 world. The good which we see is the means. The 
 end is something which we do not see. All these 
 things must happen for the profit of the race, even 
 though the individual man is crushed beneath them, 
 but he can afford to be crushed, because another life 
 awaits him. The race cannot afford to be crushed, 
 because this world is its only theatre. Now these 
 very things that crush him, man, may turn to his 
 highest good even in this world, and especially in 
 the next. What belongs to this world is of secondary 
 importance, even of but third and fourth importance. 
 It is a thing of temporary account whether you have 
 three or ten acres of corn ; a hundred years hence it 
 will be all the same. But a hundred and a thousand 
 years hence it will be of great consequence whether 
 the ravages of the chinch-bug made your patience 
 stronger, and led you more closely to the Divine 
 Bestower of all things. To be poor or to be rich is 
 of itself of no moment, but to make poverty and 
 wealth conducive to upright character, to gentle liv 
 ing, and truthful speech and charitable thought that 
 is the true work of life. Money brings just as truly 
 trial as lack of money. When the world shall have 
 thoroughly learned righteousness, we shall have no 
 squalid poverty, but meanwhile this squalid poverty 
 may work out enduring riches. The almost universal 
 prevalence of sorrow is to my mind a strong proof of 
 immortality. There must be some future state in 
 which all this sorrow shall be shown to have had a 
 great work to do. It is well nigh impossible to find
 
 518 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 any grown person who has not known anxiety and 
 perplexity, and has not needed to exercise much faith 
 and patience, and this faith and patience is of more 
 real and lasting worth than the greatest worldly pros 
 perity. So, then, we have two things to console us 
 in trouble. First, as all our suffering comes from 
 some violation of law it will tend to tlie discovery of 
 that law, and so to the ultimate benefit of the human 
 race ; and secondly, long and long before the human 
 race can reap any benefit from it, we ourselves, on 
 the spot, may turn it to the very best of purposes, 
 to forming a noble character may b}- it lift our 
 thoughts away from this world where so much is 
 wrong to another world where all will be bright ; and 
 so every trouble is but a reminder of the eternal 
 happiness. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye 
 steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work 
 of the Lord forasmuch as ye know that your labor 
 is not in vain in the Lord." 
 
 SEPTEMBER 21, 1865. 
 
 Thursday Mary came up in the morning and went 
 to the reception with us in a great market wagon fur 
 nished with scats, something like a mountain wagon. 
 The reception was very successful. There was plenty 
 of food and very good, no rudeness, no rushing to 
 the table, no boisterous laughing or talking. Every 
 thing was done decently and in order. After the 
 white dancing was over Elias Haskell, his two daugh 
 ters, and another man danced. It was as good danc 
 ing as I ever saw, graceful, elastic, and lithe, not 
 withstanding their uncouth figures and large, heavy 
 feet. Mr. French went away before the dancing
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 519 
 
 began. Mrs. I), said she had done all she could 
 warned Mr. French away, and told Peters l to get 
 under the table and she would put the table-cloth over 
 him. Mr. James wants to come down and see me, 
 but I told him he had waited so long he might as well 
 wait a little longer till I get my new carpet and then 
 come down and inaugurate it. 
 
 [To MR. F.] 
 
 SEPTEMBER 23. 
 
 I am sorry you are gone to Amherst. It was so 
 nice to have you in Boston where I could run in and 
 out and rest myself with the sight of your kindly face 
 and the sound of your pleasant voice, and now you 
 are miles and miles beyond reach, and my bird is 
 dead and buried in a corner of my garden, and my 
 garden itself is dust and ashes, dead of thirst while I 
 was in Vermont, and besides, by and by, I was going 
 to have an inaugural ball to commemorate the re 
 habilitation of my rooms, and invite you and have 
 "refreshments," and where are you? Wound all up 
 in a cocoon of Agricultural Colleges and boarding. 
 But then you are doing a good work, and I ought to 
 be thankful the right man has got hold of it, and I 
 am. You will be the first President. Only think 
 what an old man you will be when posterity gets hold 
 of you, a solemn stalking-horse (what that is I don t 
 know) , as Cotton Mather and his like are to us. How 
 few there will be who will feel that you ever made 
 jokes or laughed heartily, wrote letters to me, nice 
 ones too, and some not so nice, quite ill-natured, in 
 fact ! Where do you suppose you and I will be when 
 
 1 The minister and deacon. ED.
 
 520 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the antiquarians are hunting up our dates in some old 
 biographical dictionary, and what shall we be ? 
 
 OCTOBER 7. 
 
 One fact worthy of note I must not forget, that 
 there is a telegraph running through Hamilton, though 
 we shall derive little benefit from it except the 
 pleasure of seeing it run. It follows the high-road. 
 The wires are not yet up, only the poles. Last Sun 
 day Professor Jewett preached very acceptably the 
 one who lost his leg by a railway accident several 
 years ago, and then invented another in some points 
 superior to the original. At the P.O. I found I had 
 lost my purse. I instituted a search and discovered it 
 lying on the grass in front of the barn, where it had 
 dropped the night before ; about twenty dollars in 
 it. Thursday I had a letter from Whittier saying 
 that he was ill and could not come, but would come 
 some other time, unless the invitation was like rail 
 road tickets " good for this day only." Whittier s 
 niece is going to school at Ipswich after Thanksgiving, 
 and he wants me then to come over and make a long 
 visit, and says : Thee shall sleep on feathers above 
 and below like a Dutch woman if thee like, and say 
 and do just what thee pleases, and I will be pleased 
 with everything." Friday evening in the coach came 
 Judge French. We went over to Mr. D s for an hour, 
 as they wanted to talk about the college. Mr. D. 
 was expecting a negro lecturer there, and when we 
 came supposed it was he and his wife till we were 
 fairly in the house. His first coolness and his sec 
 ondary surprise were very comical. "When we came 
 back we got a little lunch, and sat up talking and 
 walking, for he can keep still no more than I till I
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 521 
 
 asked him what time it was. He said, oh! no mat 
 ter, he didn t know what time it was. I said it must 
 be as much as ten o clock, and then he took out his 
 watch and said it had been tea o clock twas now 
 about quarter after twelve, whereupon we adjourned 
 the meeting. He went away in the 8.30 train. He 
 is good-looking, rather short, very clean and nice, 
 very penetrating eye, nervous, entertaining, says 
 quaint little things in a quaint way. We had been 
 disputing about something, and I said, " Mr. French, 
 I am persuaded at heart we think alike if we could 
 only know." "I flatter myself we don t," with a 
 funny look that makes you laugh in spite of yourself. 
 He is gentlemanly and orthodox, though, as he says, 
 "not grossly so." He says he would rather be a 
 puppy in a basket with three other puppies than pres 
 ident of a college in Amherst with only one other 
 president in town, and he in the other basket ! 
 
 I had a letter lately from Mr. Gage in Gotha, where 
 the second wife and most of the children of Perthes 
 live, and he knows them well and says they are in 
 every sense the best people of Gotha. There is not 
 a descendant of Perthes living who does not do honor 
 to the founder of the family which I think is very 
 remarkable. Mrs. Rev. Pike of Rowley drove over 
 yesterday and brought Miss Annie Jacques, daughter 
 of old Dr. Jacques, to whom mother used to go to 
 school. They only stayed a short half hour. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 OCTOBER 16. 
 
 It is remarkable to see how full-grown men and 
 women will behave like very children, but the world s 
 work has to be done in spite of their weakness and
 
 522 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 evil behavior. Here, now, is this Agricultural Col 
 lege to be got under way, and you are the man to do 
 it, and, if all sorts of pettinesses are to be encoun 
 tered, why, then, you must encounter them, that s 
 all. You must look at what is to be done, not at 
 what stands in the way of its doing. "When you are 
 vexed by mean little personal piques, and small 
 views and narrow jealousies, you must inwardly re 
 solve yourself to pass by a thousand leagues on 
 the other side of them, so you shall make even 
 these stumbling-blocks stepping-stones to greatness. 
 Above all things, don t let them sour and sharpen 
 you, and destroy your peace of mind. I don t sup 
 pose any great thing was ever done without being sur 
 rounded by just such a fog of little things, only we 
 don t always see them. 
 
 Now if you pin me down to syllogisms, why, I 
 confess I have not the smallest reason to offer for 
 writing to you. I don t doubt your grandmother said 
 all these things to you hundreds of years ago, and 
 your mother repeated them, and "Pamela" fortifies 
 you against all ills every day of her life, let alone 
 your own good sense. Still, there never can a pie 
 come mincing up but up jump I, and must immedi 
 ately put my finger in it. Moreover, don t you know, 
 we all do things, sometimes, because we like to do 
 them, rather than because we really expect to accom 
 plish anything by them? If you had broken your 
 arm I should run in to see you next morning, with 
 out the smallest expectation of setting it, but simply 
 because it was a matter of concern with me that you 
 had broken your arm. Well, now, isn t it a great deal 
 worse to have stupid persons breaking your plans, or 
 at least, straining and cracking them, than to have
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 523 
 
 the forces of nature thumping at your bones? If you 
 only could come down and see me this morning ! 
 There is a nice coal-fire, and it is so dismal out-doors. 
 If all nice people could be born old friends how nice 
 it would be ! There is this, however, that when things 
 go smoothly I don t think I care much about people 
 anyway, but when the rough and rasping comes, why, 
 then I feel as if I would like to do something. I 
 rather think I was born for adversity, as against pros 
 perity. When people are happy I don t in the least 
 know what to do about it, except let them alone. 
 When a gale ruffles the surface then } ou may at least 
 keep a lookout. When you get tired and fretted yon 
 must comfort yourself with the end in view and 
 what did the old Frenchman say? " Rest? I shall 
 have all eternity to rest in" or something like that, 
 somebody said. 
 
 Quite an event happened in church yesterday. A 
 minister got hold of an idea, not our own, but a 
 neighboring clergyman, a man of rut and routine, 
 got a real, living truth on his lips, and announced it 
 as the theme of his discourse, and I sat wondering 
 whereuuto this thing would grow, and mentally warn 
 ing him, a la Joe Gargery, " Pip, old chap, you ll do 
 yourself a mischief. You can t have chawed it, 
 Pip ! " However, he did no more harm with it than 
 a child with a silver dollar. It was too big for him 
 to swallow, so he did not strangle, and he was not 
 strong enough to hurl it away, so he neither lost it 
 nor broke the windows with it, but quietly put it iu 
 his pocket, and walked home under his umbrella, 
 complacently unconscious of the jewel he had been 
 sporting with. 
 
 Now you have got into the Agricultural College,
 
 524 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 and you must stay there till you can get into heaven, 
 and never look back. It won t be a great while, any 
 way, and it does not matter much what we do for 
 the few years we are here, if it is only honest work 
 honestly done. And this is manifestly and preemi 
 nently your work. If it were all plain sailing any 
 body could do it. But if the sea is stormy so much 
 the more need of a skilful manner. 
 
 Wherefore, I pray, the very God of peace sanctify 
 you wholly. 
 
 OCTOBER 20. 
 
 They are getting up a barrel of clothes here for the 
 contrabands, and trying to get money enough to buy a 
 new furnace for our side of the meeting-house. I 
 gave a little money rather dubiously, as I am just 
 now undecided as to whether it is not the best thing 
 to tear down all our meeting-houses, throw ecclesias- 
 ticism back to chaos, and see if we cannot crystallize 
 anew into some better forms. At least, I should be 
 glad of something that would make people study the 
 Bible. However, I go to church regularly walking 
 orderly and keeping the law like Paul, though I do 
 not believe in it any more than he did by law I 
 don t mean the doctrine of the Bible, but the com 
 mandments of men. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 NOVEMBER 14. 
 
 I don t believe that stupidity is the essence of 
 religion, nor strangeness the essence of reverence. 
 It seems to me the good God himself must look upon 
 sundry of our ecclesiastical antics as very ridiculous, 
 let alone those which are something worse. I think 
 you like me a little and I am very glad. I mean that
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 525 
 
 you rather like me than otherwise. Every additional 
 friend helps you to keep yourself in countenance. I 
 don t know that humility is my weakness. I believe 
 it is not generally so considered, but it always rather 
 surprises me to be tolerated, I seem to myself so 
 so dreadful, somehow, that I don t see what kind of 
 eyes they can be that see otherwise. 
 
 I do not think it is in the least odd that you should 
 treasure up Mrs. S s letters if they are as good as 
 those she writes me. They are better than most 
 books. I should expect you to do the same with 
 mine if they were one half as good, and not only 
 that, but to publish them after my lamented demise, 
 and my sole regret would be that I should not be 
 alive to read them myself ! What I should like in 
 this world is perfect freedom of circulation among 
 moral atomies just as there is among the physical 
 atoms in water and air. I suppose it is on account 
 of the hardness of our hearts that society is solid and 
 not liquid. Nobody wants everything of anybody, 
 but you do like one thing from one, and another from 
 another, and if only there were no palings to forbid, 
 how would one " gather honey all the day from every 
 opening flower" and nourish for himself such juicy 
 life ! I see quite well that it is best as it is because 
 life in ordinary is so very, very, very low but one 
 can conceive it might be so high and heavenly that 
 we might mount up with wings as angels. I some 
 times wonder whether the earth always will be so 
 badly off as now. Certainly our lungs have a possi 
 bility of adaptation to sweeter airs, and our eyes arc 
 not blind in a purer light. Now you will be sure to 
 say here that I think I am too good for this world. 
 No, I don t think anything of the kind. I am not too
 
 526 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IX LETTERS 
 
 good for the world as God made it, but I think I 
 could stand a little better world than society has made 
 it over ! I am not very good, though, and it does 
 not matter much one wa} T or the other. You need 
 not give your false date to Mr. D. and your true 
 one to me, for he writes letters on Sundays, and 
 reads the papers, and such things, which I don t. 
 There is seldom any use in trying to reproduce things. 
 You know I tried to make you all along be content 
 with such things as ye have, and you are come to it 
 at last. 
 
 What am I writing? A letter to you. My plans 
 for winter? Nothing, only to live on, and on, and 
 on, till I am called hence ; and if God will only con 
 tinue to me health and strength to work, and work, 
 and work, I will ask for myself nothing more ; that 
 is, you know, nothing very strenuously. But, then, 
 the Lord does not always give you what you ask ; so 
 it is well always to be prepared for the worst, and 
 the best way, I suspect, is to think nothing about it. 
 I am real glad to be alive. I am glad I was born in 
 the first place. It does not seem as if there was any 
 world till I came into it. Is that modesty? And 
 when I think of the possibility even of living forever, 
 and the sun growing every day brighter and the skies 
 bluer, and the infinite heavens opening up to you, 
 isn t it glorious? I wonder if I ever shall sit down 
 and have a real good long talk with Paul. I believe 
 I like him the best of them all. I can t conceive he 
 should ever take the least notice of me ; but if he 
 should give lectures I could go and hear them, and 
 there is so much true in heaven that one could very 
 well afford to wait. If he is as far ahead there as he 
 is here I should have to wait pretty long.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 537 
 
 It is lovely Indian summer to-day, but the winter 
 is upon us, for all that. And under the winter lies 
 the spring hidden, and under all the springs the sun 
 shine of an unspeakable spring. Let us be as good 
 as possible, that we may enter into its peace. I 
 should like to see you to-morrow, but of course I 
 cannot. I think it is an absolute pleasure to wish to 
 see people and can t, compared with what it is to hate 
 to see them and must. Do you suppose you would 
 know it if I did not like you? Seems as if you 
 would. Yet there are people whose faces enrage me, 
 and they don t know it. I have the most violent 
 dislike mere physical repulsion towards people 
 against whose character I have nothing to say. I 
 don t like to dislike persons, but I can t help it 
 sometimes. 
 
 Now good-by. Let not your heart be troubled 
 about anything. I stood at the Salem station yester 
 day when both trains were expected, aud the platform 
 was crowded, and wondered whether, in the eyes of 
 angels, we were more than so many ants crawling in 
 and out of a hole. But Christ died for us. You 
 can t get over that. And I suppose an ant is well 
 enough off so long as he does not know there is an I, 
 and so is not envious. Good-by. Be kind to me 
 always, and believe that I wish to do you only good, 
 and not evil, all the days of my life. By kind I mean 
 you are always to interpret me according to your 
 wishes, and not necessarily according to my mani 
 festation. Yet what hope is there that you will, 
 since the Bible says that man looketh and must 
 on the outward appearance, the Lord alone in the 
 heart? and then I am afraid, too, the heart isn t any 
 better than what is outside of it.
 
 528 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 NOVEMBER 16. 
 
 I went to Boston Wednesday to Charles Street. 
 At three o clock a little dinner-party of five or six 
 was sprung upon me unawares, which explained Mr. 
 F s anxiety that I should be there that day. Miss 
 Palfrey was of the number, and Mr. and Mrs. James, 
 and Mr. Quincy, of Quincy, son of Josiah, and grand 
 son of the first Josiah. I enjoyed it very much. 
 Mrs. James is a fine woman, physically and morally, 
 healthy and happy, and with great good sense. Mr. 
 James is very funny, and uncommonplace and enter 
 taining. Mr. Quincy has a slight defect in speech 
 and hearing, but is gentlemanly and refined. Aldrich, 
 the poet, "a little New York poet," as one of our 
 Boston solid men said, was there the latter part of 
 the evening. 
 
 NOVEMBER 27, 1865. 
 
 In sight of Mrs. Spalding s house I saw Mr. G. W. 
 Curtis just going in. He stayed there all night, so I 
 had the pleasure of seeing something of him. After 
 the lecture, Harriet Prescott, a Miss Andrews (who 
 wrote "Seven Little Sisters," etc.), and a Mr. Hale 
 came in by invitation, and we had oyster supper and 
 talk, and a little more of the latter after they were 
 gone, and went to bed about 1 A.M. Mr. Curtis is 
 as agreeable in private as he is pleasing in public. 
 He is natural, gentle, manly, refined, simple and 
 unpretending, and quiet. I liked him very much. 
 There is a certain lackadaisicalness in his published 
 portrait which is not seen in his face.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 529 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 NOVEMBER 23, 18G5. 
 
 Desire mv regards to Mrs. Bridge, and make my 
 congratulations concerning the new carpet, but I think 
 it can hardly be fairer than mine. Mine is of my own 
 choosing. I might almost say of my own invention, 
 since I described what I wanted, and this was pro 
 duced, and I had never seen anything of the kind. 
 This, do you care to know, is a bed of moss, soft 
 and damp and deep with little vines creeping through 
 it, with the coolness of summer brooks breathing out 
 of it and their murmur whispering up from its green 
 ness. Here the sunlight falls and rests, here the day 
 softens its whiteness into dim religious light, and here 
 my Madonna and her child, my poets and my dreams 
 of fair women, my angels, and my wildwood flowers 
 find a fitting background for their loveliness. Do 
 not talk to me of carpets ! And through the windows 
 the earth is putting off her robes of summer, yes, and 
 her gorgeous autumn trappings, too, and the blue skies 
 are doing their best to make us forget, in their splen 
 dor, the glories that have vanished. 
 
 Miss Nettie s bonnet, I trust, is a little ultra. Her 
 too adventurous pencil, let us hope, is hovering on the 
 borderland of romance. My bonnet has not yet 
 come home. When it does so I shall be better able 
 to garner for you its golden drops. Meanwhile, my 
 new dress is made and bordered with the most exqui 
 site chenille fringe, whose texture, color, and price 
 would throw you into raptures, and a morning dress 
 of poetic gray, the ashes of most tropical roses, 
 bordered with silken green of the buds whence they 
 sprang, rows upon rows, or you might spell it r-o-s-e
 
 530 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 if you like, and fronted with pearl buttons, shining as 
 the stars, and trailing in all its green and rosy length 
 behind me ah ! you should see that, if " a thing of 
 beauty is a joy forever," but not upon me, lest your 
 vision should fail to discern the appositeness of the 
 ([notation. 
 
 I went to Newburyport the other day and refreshed 
 myself with my friends there, but Harriet Prescott is 
 grown sadly thin. She is over- worked or she over 
 lives in some way. I met also a very charming Miss 
 Andrews, one of a very charming family, painters of 
 pictures and makers of books. 
 
 I am going to have a new ring. An old friend and 
 school-mate of mine ] has just come home from a ten 
 years wandering round the world, with an honest 
 heart and a wholesome face, and brought me a bit of 
 yellow gold, which I think can best be kept mine by 
 being circled around my finger, so I shall have a souve 
 nir of the world and the eternity that preceded it. 
 
 My mother desires to be remembered, and so does 
 my sister, who receives your messages with that defer 
 ence which is your due, and reads your stories with a 
 trust beautiful to see, but difficult (for me) to com 
 mand ! 
 
 With which poisoned dart good-night. 
 
 [To JUDGE FRENCH.] 
 
 DECEMBER 16, 1865. 
 
 I am quite interested in your little honey-bee of a 
 Hatty, who so skilfully has bought her cell, so neatly 
 spread her whacks, and labors hard to store it well 
 with the sweet food she makes. Only don t let Major 
 
 1 Oliver 8. Creasy, Hamilton, Mass., died in 1900.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 531 
 
 Bijah make haste to be rich. They are perfectly well 
 off if they will only think so, and there is so much 
 dignity in being grand in a small way ! 
 
 You said if I did not much prefer to meet you than 
 St. Paul in the skies, you would drop the correspon 
 dence ! Drop, then, for I don t. I never saw such an 
 effect as a little social elevation will have even on a 
 modest man. Before you were President you were 
 agreeable and knew your place. Now you assume 
 the god, affect to nod, and seem to shake the sphere, 
 and you call Paul logical and hard, Paul with all 
 his glow and glory, his logic throbbing with inward 
 fire that shines through so bright, you are ready to 
 think it not logic at all but passionate persuasion. I 
 know they had poor low ideas, for such belong to 
 their age, but you don t like people for their ideas 
 but for themselves. Their character is much more 
 themselves than their opinions. You say we have 
 been improving too? But have they not eighteen 
 hundred years the start of us in Hamilton I mean 
 Heaven? Truly that was a mistake, and don t you 
 suppose they are better off for being all that time in 
 Heaven and born, than we are for being on earth 
 and not born, till a few minutes ago? I expect to 
 enjoy Paul and the others, too. I think he was wrong 
 in some things. I think if he had had more good 
 women among his acquaintance he would have liked 
 us all better. But that was a mistake of the head, 
 not of the heart. I think he was just the man whom 
 a right sort of wife would have finished up, and he 
 would have made her happy. And I hope the time 
 will come when I shall sit down by Paul, and take 
 his two hands and say in what beautiful heavenly 
 words I may know how to use, "Paul, beloved,
 
 532 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 glorious, manly, fiery, dear old Paul, almost as soon 
 as you got to Heaven, didn t you know you were 
 wrong, and aren t you glad to have me like you, 
 and won t you go and take a walk some time and 
 tell me all about it?" And he will be just as sweet 
 and gentle and smiling and good uatured as an 
 angel can be who was a good sort of man to begin 
 with, and has been growing good all the time for 
 eighteen hundred years, and is therefore pitiful to 
 all poor little know-nothings lost in the snow like 
 me. 
 
 Thank you for your haggyrogometer, but we don t 
 want it. We ve got a pump in the sink. It won t 
 pump anything, to be sure, but there tis. We ve 
 got a new well, too, with four feet of water in it 
 and likely to stay there, unless we walk down and 
 dip it out. Still, it is a handy thing to have round. 
 Have you seen the face in "Robertson s Life and 
 Letters"? I think it is a wonderful face, and he was 
 a wonderful man too, a little morbid, owing proba 
 bly to disease, not so strong as he would have been 
 if he had been quite well. If he had only been a 
 little stronger we should never have known how 
 strong he was as the measure of our weakness 
 is the measure of our strength if we conquer it. 
 However, as a general thing, people judge you by 
 what you complain of, not by what you endure, so 
 that the outcry does really sometimes diminish the 
 pain. Yet hardly in his case for his sorrow was 
 loneliness which is irremediable. But should you 
 think any one who was happily married could have 
 suffered so from mere loneliness? Are not husband 
 and wife company? Suppose outsiders did oppose 
 to meet them was his mission. I am sorry I
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 533 
 
 began on this subject, for its proper treatment re 
 quires an octavo volume with a preface, appendix, 
 and copious illustrations. And then you wouldn t 
 read it if I wrote it. A Merry Christmas to you 
 and a Happy New Year. 
 
 JANUARY 17, 1866. 
 
 I meant to send you a letter yesterday, not that 
 you deserve one at all at my hands, but I had a quite 
 nice little fit of sickness, headache and chills, and 
 fainting and onions, and hot water and everything, in 
 good shape. To-day I am better, but not quite 
 natural again. Sore throat and such things, you 
 know, and nothing tastes right. So give me the credit 
 once of being ill. 
 
 You have written me two letters, both of which 
 need attention. Your letters are generally rather 
 provoking. That word has two meanings, you know. 
 Doesn t the apostle, or some of your favorite friends, 
 speak of provoking to love and good works ? Perhaps 
 that is the kind you mean. I am always afraid you 
 have forgotten all about your own letter, and if you 
 don t recall it you must take my word for it that I 
 asked you a civil question, and you replied with a page 
 or two of utterly irrelevant what I do not ill-char 
 acterize when I call it "stuff." I ask you some 
 thing about Mr. Robertson, and you reply with a 
 tangle of talk about my husband and children, besides 
 a great deal of bad talk about the man himself. I 
 believe I will write a paper and put you in it. 
 
 What has the resurrection of the body to do with 
 husband and wife? If there s enough of you left in 
 the next world to be yourself who cares what is 
 gone. For my part, I can t say I have such an
 
 534 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 admiration of my body as to make things hinge on it 
 so much. 
 
 What do I do all winter? I am as busy as a bee 
 from morning till night only yesterday, when I lay 
 on the sofa all day, a heap of blankets burning hot, 
 and with a hard headache, meditating whether we 
 were not irresistibly gravitating towards universal 
 suffrage, and upon the general tendencies of things. 
 We don t have a great deal of company, and we don t 
 go away much, but the days are never long. But we 
 do have the best of company. Swinburne has been 
 down here for three weeks or so, charming me with 
 his choruses, and Mill is always here at call, which is 
 about once a year. He is a great rest and solace and 
 hope to me. I have a call every evening from Louis 
 Napoleon, but I cannot say I find him very entertain 
 ing. But he brings a very charming companion 
 one About. In fact, it would take me a long while 
 just to name the people who come to see me, and who 
 talk their very best in my society. But I see them 
 only in the evening all the morning I am frittering 
 away my time about the house, and the rest of the day 
 I am fretting other people with my gray goose quill, 
 and in the evenings I have my receptions. I know 
 all about M. Augelo, Esq., and his bar, and when 
 you come down here to read Tennyson, I will tell 
 you. I wish this was a nice letter, but I know it 
 isn t as well as you. But don t you think it is good 
 in me to write at all when I am sick, just to please 
 you? Now if you had been having roasted onions 
 and hot paving-stones and things all night, you would 
 think you must have Pamela waiting upon you all day 
 by inches, as she would and be glad of the chance. 
 I wish you would pay her my regards and say to her
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 535 
 
 that I am glad to hear her s:iy some sensible things 
 which I believe, but which if I state are at once met 
 with "you don t know anything about it." 
 
 I am very busy indeed. I shall not go to Wash 
 ington this winter. 
 
 I am glad you had fifty dollars to send to your 
 mother and that she had a son to send it to her. 
 What is going to become of me when I am old and 
 gray-headed ? I don t know and I don t much care if 
 I can only have my health and my senses. But you 
 know, don t you, that by an injury when I was a little 
 child I lost the sight of one eye, and there comes over 
 me a great dread sometimes lest I may lose the other, 
 and have a horror of great darkness. If I were 
 married I should have somebody whose duty it would 
 be to look after rne, but, on the other hand, how 
 fearful to be such a burden on anybody s hands, so I 
 congratulate myself after all that there is nobody who 
 must do it, whether or no. There will be some little 
 room for choice. I hope I shall have money enough 
 to take care of me in case worse comes to worst, but 
 I find myself sometimes involuntarily trying to buy 
 off Providence. I sort of bargain with the Lord if 
 He will only give me my senses and a usable degree 
 of health I won t mind any amount of work or dis 
 appointment, or abuse, or anything of the sort. And 
 I hope He will, and anyway you are sure He will do 
 what is not only right but best, so let us not worry, 
 you and I, about the future, but trust and for the 
 rest, help, Lord, our unbelief ! 
 
 It is quite touching that you should have to make 
 such an exertion to be amiable. It comes just as easy 
 to me ! except in the matter of onions. The utmost 
 I can do for you there is to promise not to eat them
 
 536 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 when I am expecting you. Still, you are an improve 
 ment on Byron, who never wanted to see a woman 
 eat at all. You can bear the act, but reluct from 
 certain departments. How unfortunate that the 
 pleasing vegetable should have such low associations. 
 It is sweet to the taste and good for food. Can t we 
 get Miss Prescott to write it up, extol its globular 
 shapeliness, its pearly hues, its pungent sweetness, 
 the succulent strength it distils in the underground 
 crucibles, etc., etc., etc., and so rescue it to higher 
 company and a loftier life ? One can no longer say 
 Miss Prescott. I am glad she is married. 
 
 My verses what made you think of that ? You 
 don t know what an avalanche you were attempting 
 to pull down on your head when you asked for all I 
 have. I have written quantities of it first and last ; 
 a good deal that is not in my possession now. What 
 ode do you mean ? I send you two, not odes, but 
 versicles, but they both had something to do with 
 farming, if that s what you are after. I don t know 
 when they were written, and I send you some others 
 that I happened to know were in a box and send-able. 
 But most of my verses were written long ago, in the 
 depths of an obscurity that I never dreamed would be 
 penetrated, and were, therefore, very much more, 
 very different from what they would have been, had 
 the coupling of my name with G. H. ever occurred to 
 me as one of the possibilities. My only hope is that 
 they will be allowed to rest in peace in the old news 
 papers where they lie buried. For the greater part, 
 they are but the outcry of a lost soul, and of no sort 
 of literary value. I cannot tell you with what infinite 
 pity I look back upon the unspeakable loneliness and 
 bewilderment of my youth. It does not seem that I
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 537 
 
 am the same person. I sometimes think the sorrows 
 of young people are the saddest things in life. It is 
 so overpowering. They do not know how to locate 
 them any more than your fellows know where to put 
 the college. I don t know whether my experience is 
 common to the race or not. I don t know that I had 
 any more external trouble than others had, or have, 
 except that there is no sense in fighting it out on 
 this line indefinitely. Only you see how I could not 
 possibly think of sending you those safety-valve ver- 
 sicles. 
 
 What strange things moods are ! Does it or 
 doesn t it seem sometimes as if you are at a liquid 
 heat, and all your secrets melt out of you, and when 
 you cool and harden again you execrate it all, and 
 pray to be turned forever into cast iron? Now, I 
 want to say something here, real good, and I want 
 to say it real hard, but I am afraid you would laugh. 
 I know there are concomitants, circumstances, and 
 things under which I could say it, and it would be 
 very sweet and solemn, and nobody would think of 
 laughing ; but paper is so white, and ink so black, 
 and writing so definite, and snow so cold. Do you 
 think I have lost my mind? I never had such a great 
 sight to lose. 
 
 Society is chiefly impersonal, and you may as well 
 make up your mind to it; and my society will always 
 be for you fragmentary and unsatisfactory. Do you 
 see there the quiet lurking assumption that if it were 
 not fragmentary it would be satisfactory ? But the 
 truth is I am a sort of irrepressible conflict, always 
 starting out and drawing back, which gives me a 
 jerkiness that is, to say the least, not pleasing ; so 
 you need not ladle out the fact to me under the head
 
 538 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 of recent intelligence ; ami the next letter I write to 
 you is going to be about reconstruction, and the solar 
 system, and the extradition treaty, and similar sensi 
 ble objective, but not objectionable; I might say 
 therefore not objectionable. 
 
 FEBRUARY 5. 
 
 I shall not write you much of a letter this time. 
 I have such a pile of them to dispose of that I shall 
 snub all those who are good enough to stand snub 
 bing, of whom you are chief, and this ink is so 
 hateful ! My kingdom for a bottle of good black 
 ink. 
 
 I went to Amesbury Tuesday, and ate ambrosia 
 and drank nectar on Olympus till Thursday, and 
 really did have some honey from Hymettus. It was 
 bitter. But for the name of it I would far rather 
 have my own maple syrup, "Italian sunset, "- 
 wrought from the life of New Hampshire forests, of 
 such lucent sweetness as you and Pamela well know. 
 From Amesbury to Newburyport, and on board the 
 new ship " Montana " from stem to stern, and am 
 learned in mastheads, and forecastles, and between- 
 dccks, and the cabin was all velvet and shine and 
 lovely ; but oh ! to go to bed in a box ! Would one not 
 better wait till one can see foreign countries with less 
 trouble ; and I went on a sleigh-ride, and was thank 
 ful for the kind hand that drove me ; but oh ! it was 
 so cold ; and when you wish to be civil to me, ask me 
 to come in and sit on the sofa, or to take a drive into 
 the country some fine midsummer morning, but don t 
 ask me to go sleigh-riding. And Friday evening 
 Mrs. S. up and gave a party, and Saturday I came 
 to Ipswich, and visited my constituency, and then I
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 539 
 
 came home, and put off my silks and fine array, my 
 smiles and languished air, and turned Cinderella, and 
 made up the coal fires, and here I am. 
 
 My verses, well, you show a very carping dispo 
 sition as well as great and unjustifiable avarice. Be 
 thankful for what you get, sir, and be warned by the 
 unhappy fate of your great ancestor, Oliver Twist, 
 " Take the good the gods provide thee." I know by 
 your letter which one you have been reading most, 
 and been most impressed by. It is the "Battle 
 Song," especially the two lines 
 
 " Have you counted up the cost, 
 What is gained and what is lost? " 
 
 Well, did I not tell you it would be so? And if 
 you have made a disastrous exchange with your 
 mind s eye, Horatio, must I put on sackcloth and 
 ashes? and my blue dress still in its first freshness. 
 I think it was very good of you to take me around to 
 those places in Boston. I am deeply convinced of it, 
 because the Police Court and such things can have 
 very little charm for you who have lived there all 
 your days. Sometime, perhaps, it will come in my 
 way to do something for you. Probably I shall not do 
 it, long disuse having marred the faculty ; but I will 
 please myself with thinking that I shall, which will 
 be the next best thing. 
 
 I would not go to Washington, it is so cold, and 
 the houses there do not know how to warm them 
 selves. The blessing of Heaven rest upon you and 
 yours ! 
 
 And if I say yours truly will it be blessing myself? 
 Well, I need it, too, so 
 
 Yours truly.
 
 540 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 FEBRUARY 19. 
 
 My mother wants me to go to Washington. She 
 informed me Saturday night that she thought I was 
 confining myself too closely, that I was growing old 
 faster than I ought, and I had better go to Washing 
 ton. I didn t. I went to bed instead and slept all 
 night soundly ; got up Sunday morning and stirred 
 round among the coal fires and got up a color, and 
 then struck an attitude before the glass, and informed 
 her that I thought I looked real young and handsome. 
 She was obliged to admit both counts, though she 
 rather demurred on the latter. But, of course, you 
 can t look so fresh and strong after six days of work 
 as you can in the morning when you are beginning to 
 rest. And then as if to drive me to despair and octo- 
 genariancy at one fell swoop, you must needs come 
 up and shame me on the subject of my curls, as if I 
 was not ashamed enough already, especially in view 
 of what they will be a few years hence. I have the 
 consolation of knowing that caps are becoming to me, 
 but how dispose of the waste land that stretches be 
 tween curls and caps? As for you or any other man 
 telling me to comb my hair out straight and put it up 
 in the orthodox fashion simply because I happen to 
 be the last of the three fs you may tell me " till the 
 sun grows cold and the stars are old " and I won t do 
 it, because why should a woman make a fright of 
 herself ? My hair looks better down than it does up. 
 Nature speaks louder for down hair than for up hair. 
 Art s hair is always down more than it is up, and it is 
 only a frightful tyrant who would have mo go 
 
 I stopped just there and went down to breakfast 
 and the post-office, and have forgotten what I was 
 going to say, so I will foreclose the mortgage with a
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 541 
 
 sentiment which is always in order, viz., Britons never 
 will be slaves ! 
 
 And you are in Washington. I wonder if anybody 
 is alive now that was there when I was there. D. W. 
 Bartlett, of the "Independent" and " Cougregation- 
 alist," I knew a little. There were the Parkers and 
 the Lindsleys, and one B. B. French I saw one even 
 ing, and Jane C. and her mother, who were individual, 
 and always amused me greatly, and Mr. George Wood, 
 if you want to talk about me, he is your man, and 
 Mr. Welling, of the " Intelligencer," I used to know; 
 he always knew everything, and Mr. Goodloe was a 
 good sort of man, and there was a clever little artist, 
 I have forgotten his name, I wonder what has 
 become of him. Well, I won t go on with my cata 
 logue, only I hope you will have a nice visit. The 
 Rollinse.s are nice. He is the Commissioner of In 
 ternal Revenue, and she is a gem of a woman. 
 
 Why don t you ask me to explain the bar of Michael 
 Angelo when I keep forgetting it? Because you fear 
 your own discomfiture and disdain recoiling on your 
 self, but I have no pity on you and here it is. Don t 
 you know that in heraldic phrase the "bar "is one 
 of the " honorable ordinaries " of the escutcheon? It 
 consists of two lines drawn horizontally across the 
 field, and contains one-fifth part of it. 
 
 Now I suppose Mr. Tennyson meant to sav that his 
 friend Arthur was one of nature s noblemen that, 
 like the great Italian artist, the shape and conforma 
 tion of his eyebrows, and that part of the forehead 
 directly above, bore an ungainly resemblance to the 
 heraldic bar, and gave to his whole features the stamp 
 and impress of a rank such as no heraldic escutcheon, 
 however richly emblazoned, could bestow.
 
 542 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 " Tlit- king can make a belted knight, 
 A Marquis, Duke, and a* that." 
 
 But to make a man of noble soul, endow him with 
 true genius, and write upon his brow, in legible char 
 acters, the appropriate heraldic emblems of such a 
 nobility. 
 
 I will tell you somebody I like General Howard. 
 He is charming. Have you read "Snow-Bound"? 
 If you don t delight m it henceforth we are 
 strangers. 
 
 It is lovely to-day, and only think how near to 
 spring ! But it has been a good old winter to me, 
 aud 1 won t complain of it. The hens suffered them 
 selves to be deceived by the sunshine, and have been 
 cackling away famously. My, how beautiful mud is 
 with the sun shining on it ! You know summer lies 
 under it, and I don t object to being in it if I am 
 properly equipped. Don t you think Helen s story is 
 a nice one? I like to read good things. Only when 
 I read other people s things it makes me hate my 
 own. 
 
 MARCH 7. 
 
 It is as cold as winter and windy as March. But 
 the hounds of spring are on winter s traces, says 
 Algernon Charles, and I water my garden already 
 every morning against the drought of August. One 
 of our hens laid a pair of Siamese twins eggs the 
 other day. This is a plain, unvarnished tale. If 
 they keep till next summer I will show them to you. 
 There is a little canal that joins them, only it is broken 
 in two. 
 
 Will you please present my sincere regard and 
 condolence to P. and M. ? The latter I know very
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 543 
 
 well from a beautiful new mattress which she once 
 made out of an old straw bed or something, with 
 everybody in Washington to help her except the 
 Commissioner of Public Buildings, who coldly stood 
 aloof and was content to be the historian of the ex 
 ploit. Are the hyacinths out iu the Capitol grounds? 
 Oh, how beautiful they used to be ! I wish it might 
 be summer all the year round. I wish I lived in 
 a garden-house. How lovely it was in the hot 
 houses iu Washington, all dewy and cool, just as it 
 was in the garden of Eden which Bela Benjamin 
 has preempted, according to your account, for his 
 own use! Must I then leave thee (in) Paradise? 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 MARCH 12, 1866. 
 
 Your following out the parallel of Andy Johnson 
 and Moses was very ingenious and quite profane, 
 which is nothing remarkable for you ! Fred. Douglass 
 " Moses and Pharaoh " was apt, was it not? Things 
 are pretty bad to be sure, but I don t think we have 
 come to quite so narrow a pass yet as to call for a 
 dissolution of the Universe. The fact is you are so 
 impatient to verify your conjectures about the ora 
 torios of Heaven and the sermons of the Golden- 
 moutlied Chrysostom, that, not content to wait the 
 slow footsteps of time, you seize the smallest hitch in 
 affairs as an opportunity to end the world. A general 
 "smash-up" is your grand panacea for all ills. I 
 imagine you rubbing your hands in glee over every 
 new development of iniquity, and saying exultantly, 
 Oh, ah ! Now it s coming. For my part I am willing 
 to do a little more tinkering on the old earth before I 
 riiug; it into the furnace altogether.
 
 544 ^AIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 [To MR. FRENCH.] 
 
 MARCH 26. 
 
 Fortunately when my canary, Cheri, died he left a 
 trunkful of seed with which I have regaled tin; poor 
 little birds. They come hopping under the window - 
 homely little things just like mice what do you call 
 them? I wish they would come on the roof of the 
 piazza, but they don t yet. When Cheri died I was 
 glad for one thing he always seemed lonely, and I 
 felt it was too bad to keep hitn alone, and I could 
 not have the care of little birds, and I think it is 
 wicked to bring even little birds into life unless you 
 can give them the best chance at happiness. Why 
 don t you read " Snow-Bonnd "? I have had another 
 bad cold, but it lasted only three days for I wrapped 
 my head up so violently that the cold had to go off to 
 get a breath of air. 
 
 MARCH 30. 
 
 Major s verses are something better than pretty. 
 The poetry of them has a basis of solid fact. What 
 nonsense a sensible man will talk about love ! The 
 sensible man here means you, and it naturally fol 
 lows that the nonsense is yours. In some respects 
 you are sensible, you have a fineness of sense quite 
 rare indeed, but you have a materialistic way of 
 thinking quite shocking. You can never seem quite 
 to cease being surprised that M. E. loves her hus 
 band, who is twice as old as she. Will you be so 
 good as to tell me whether our loves must be strictly 
 contemporary, must be always a matter of time? Do 
 you suppose if you and I should go to Heaven we 
 shall confine ourselves to the society of those who 
 were born about the same year we were? Don t you
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 545 
 
 see that in this world the disparity of age constantly 
 diminishes? The difference between a day-old baby 
 and a five-year-old baby is Heaven-wide, but five 
 years at fifty is just nothing at all. By the time a 
 woman is thirty years old I take it she knows what 
 she likes as well as she knows it at fifty. Her tastes 
 will strengthen and purify themselves all that time, 
 but will scarcely change their direction. The kind of 
 character that pleased her at thirty will please her at 
 fifty. Now if a woman at thirty sees a man whose 
 mental stature and moral grace meet her standard, 
 why should she even think of how long it has taken 
 him to attain it six or sixty or six hundred are all 
 one. 
 
 As for his love for her, I don t know about that. 
 Sometimes it seems to me that men love their second 
 wives better than their first. Or is it only that they 
 better know by experience a woman s nature and so 
 are more tender of her, arc less inconsiderate and 
 more watchful, know more, and therefore behave 
 better. If there is love there need be no theorizing, 
 since that adjusts all things. 
 
 Oh, how little you know of the realities of life ! 
 Dreaming away the happy hours in your rural retreat, 
 while here am I fronting its stern realities. Since I 
 began this letter, intending to finish it at one sitting, 
 how many things have happened. First, down comes 
 a new writing-desk and chair, the former full of little 
 nooks and drawers and shelves, so that I cannot get 
 things out of order however hard I try ; the latter a 
 great lounge of a thing, green rep, black walnut, a 
 reclining-chair swinging back, you know, when you 
 wish, and of course my old table and go-cart are 
 hustled aside without ceremony. Then the man came
 
 546 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 to see about the pump, and then the well betrayed 
 symptoms of caveinatura all your learning won t 
 help you in unravelling that, so I will just tell you it 
 is the Latin future infinitive, and means being about 
 to cave in, and I have been tearing around through 
 the country at the greatest rate, but preserving always 
 that sweetness of temper which makes me beloved by 
 all who know me. And I have two rings, one new, and 
 one old re-stoned and generally renovated and made 
 into a seal ring, and this day is the very queen of 
 days, warm and full of sunshine and heart-opening 
 and I am as bland as this April day for all the caving- 
 in of the well, and the thumby fingers of our Irishman, 
 who is good-tempered enough, but not stocked with 
 original ideas, and not gifted with power of adapting 
 the original ideas of others to practical uses. And 
 more than all, Mr. Bradley s bone factory is burned, 
 bones and all, I see by the morning s paper, and where 
 is my phosphate of lime to come from that was to turn 
 my wilderness into a rose garden? For it was Mr. 
 Bradley who promised me unlimited phosphate as soon 
 as the spring opened. And the spring has opened so 
 smilingly, and to think that as long as you live the 
 spring will open just so evei y year, and if one only 
 has health to enjoy it, how happy one may be ! Spring 
 always gives me a kind of on-look into the next world, 
 somehow. I always think of heaven in the spring, 
 and the rainbow of promise is never so bright, so 
 glorious, in its perfect arch. Every good thing and 
 every pleasant thing seems more possible. It is 
 easier to hope and to love and to believe. And now 
 I have had a new entry lamp come, the most splendid 
 thing in bronze and gilt and red glass, only I am 
 afraid it is too fine for our quiet ways do you think
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 547 
 
 it is too fine? and it has broken in upon ray heavenly 
 meditations in a very earthly way. This letter is per 
 fect patchwork. I don t more than begin a sentence, 
 and somebody comes, or something happens. 
 
 7s it " hard for a woman to have no home of her 
 own, no husband and children"? Well, perhaps you 
 are right, but the trouble I have happened to see in 
 the world has come so largely in connection with the 
 husband and children that possibly I have failed to 
 give to the other side the attention it deserves. I 
 suppose the husband-and-child idea is the natural one, 
 but we have so mistaken the letter for the spirit, and 
 so crushed the spiiit under the letter, and so crucified 
 the spirit with the letter, and so lost the spirit and 
 exalted the letter, that sometimes I feel rather dis 
 gusted with the whole thing, and would fain have a 
 century or two of silence and darkness if perhaps our 
 holy things might throw off their defilement and the 
 whole earth be sweetened and sanctified. I am glad 
 you gave Helen the money. I wish men would always 
 be good to women. It is so much the truer way. It 
 is horrible to have to claim things, to demand justice, 
 to defend yourself. I saw the first robin yesterday 
 morning, a great red-breasted, bold fellow he was, 
 hopping about my garden and picking up his crumbs 
 to begin housekeeping. It is so fascinating now. I 
 think it is all very well to mate our pretty birds if our 
 pretty birds wish to mate, provided always Birdus is 
 able to provide for the wants of Birda and, further, if 
 Birdus and Birda together can take proper care of 
 Birdies, let them fill their nest at their own sweet will 
 and make the heavens ring with music. Do you not 
 say so, little Robin Red-Breast? No, you say nothing 
 about it. You only hop over the wakening buds and
 
 548 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 the greening bank, and sing " like mad," because you 
 and your wee wife have no prudential reasons, and no 
 inherited evils, but just live and love in blameless 
 unconsciousness and when we get to that it will be 
 a happy day for us. 
 
 If I can think of it I am going to seal this letter 
 with my new ring. I was out gardening this morning. 
 I should lie glad to be out-doors, if it were only to 
 pick up stones, and there is plenty of that to do on 
 our farm. I wish you would come down and see how 
 lovely Hamilton is in warm weather. There is noth 
 ing under Heaven like this thrilling, glorious, warm 
 sunshine. My honeysuckle is all budding out, and I 
 think the two little elm trees that were set out last 
 fall are in the same predicament. 
 
 Yours respectfully. 
 
 APRIL 18. 
 
 You speak of the diversity of tastes that come with 
 difference of years. Very true, and if that diversity 
 exists it just keeps the two people apart. Theydon i 
 think of falling in love with each other. If they do 
 fall in love it shows simply that the resemblance, or 
 rather the the relation, that exists between them 
 is deeper, more essential than any outward circum 
 stance can mar. That is all there is about it, and if 
 you go and say anything more it will be irrelevant 
 and probably irreverent. Then you say men don t 
 fall in love with men, nor women with women. Beg 
 ging your pardon, they do, not very often, I fear, but 
 if you had read your Bible a little more I think you 
 would have known that Jonathan s love to David was 
 great, passing the love of women. 
 
 It does not require a great deal of sagacity in your
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 549 
 
 Excellency to discover that I do not think the love 
 between married people is heavenly and purely spirit 
 ual when I have thundered from the house-tops these 
 dozen years that it is too often, indeed shamefully 
 often, of the earth, earthy. But pray, you, do not 
 deny the possibility, and occasionally the existence, 
 and sometimes the proper preponderance of the 
 heavenly element. 
 
 Nor is it Providence at all, but President, who has 
 mixed up things (with some personal malice, con 
 cerning which I shall maintain a dignified silence), in 
 putting children into the hands of " two foolish young 
 creatures," instead of " sensible, considerate spinsters, 
 who know how to take care of them." Providence 
 originally made perfect arrangements, but presidents 
 and judges and others have so spoiled their part of 
 the play that the whole is in danger of failure. But 
 the remedy is to carry out the designs of Providence, 
 not to bring in any new ones of our own. I should 
 think any one who had been familiar with police 
 courts or with the world at large would feel that the 
 " mother s inspiration," or the father s, or somebody s, 
 is very much at fault, or stands very much in need of 
 outside assistance. At any rate, it would seem diffi 
 cult to pronounce one s self, on the whole, quite satis 
 fied with results ; and till results are most satisfactory, 
 the world must submit to see spinsters, considerate or 
 otherwise, dinging at processes. 
 
 Your chronological argument is beyond praise. 
 Seeing life is so short in this world and so long here 
 after, is it any matter whether children are educated or 
 not, or taken care of or not, here? I will endeavor 
 to answer you with patience. If by leaving the chil 
 dren uneducated and to themselves we simply de-
 
 550 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 layed their development, if they would thus remain 
 in every respect babies, in short, if it were merely a 
 question of time, the case would be a plausible one ; 
 but when you reflect that no such thing is possible 
 that no education is mis-education you will see 
 that the eternity of life, so far from being a ground 
 for neglect, is the strongest reason for unceasing 
 vigilance. As the soul is to grow on forever, is it 
 not of the first importance that it should start sym 
 metrical? Mere intellectual information or mere 
 happiness is of second consequence, there will be 
 time enough for them by and by, but character must 
 be seen to now. There is not a moment to spare. 
 The president of an agricultural college needs not to 
 be reminded of the character stamped upon a tree by 
 the first few years, perhaps months, perhaps weeks of 
 its existence. 
 
 As for infants being foredoomed to wrath, I be 
 lieve we are all foredoomed to logical sequences; 
 that men do not gather grapes of thorns or figs of 
 thistles in this world or any other. And now I am 
 going over the hills and faraway to " the house where 
 I was born, the little window where the sun came 
 peeping in at morn. He never came a wink too soon 
 nor brought too long a day. Yet never have I wished 
 the night had borne my breath away." I also am going 
 to a sugar party that is, we are going to send our 
 jug to New Hampshire for syrup. 
 
 What injunction do you want off your college, and 
 what do you expect me to do about it ? Tell you how 
 sorry I am, and then get laughed at for my pains? 
 and good enough for me. The fact is, people can 
 help one another in gardening and cooking and dress 
 making ; but when it comes to trouble you must bear
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 551 
 
 it yourself. What another person can help you there, 
 is not visible to the naked eye. It is fearful some 
 times when one has a revelation in a flash of one s 
 isolation, but generally we think of nothing but our 
 gregariousness. 
 
 I have been and got back again a charming 
 walk. Winter went away suddenly after noon, and 
 summer came warm and welcome. If you had been 
 with me on the bright hill-sides I do not think even 
 that could have disturbed my enjoyment. I thought 
 of you down by the brook, and wished I could show 
 you the clear water flowing over golden pebbles. No 
 Pactolus could be more beautiful. Oh ! it is glorious 
 to-day. It was perfect delight out on the hills all 
 alone ; no road, nor house, nor anything in sight; all 
 the life behind me and nil heaven before. How inex 
 plicable, mysterious, can t-givc-a-reason-for-it-ous, is 
 joy and sorrow, too one s moods. 
 
 APRIL 28. 
 
 That little picture is just one of the darlingest little 
 things I ever saw in my life, and I have a great mind 
 not to soud it back. It is a frolicsome little rogue ; 
 one to be hugged and kissed and played with into a 
 frenzy of fun. Ask Dan if he is not sorry he had to 
 grow up, for he cannot ever be so nice again as he 
 was then ; not but that he is very nice now, but never 
 a sweet little morsel That is how I like Dan 
 small and cunning and unconscious and eager. And 
 here is a good place for a short sermon to come in, 
 and this is the text : 
 
 " The Lord puts the character of the tree into the 
 inmost heart of the seed, and no care and no neglect 
 can change it forever," and so forth. We learn from
 
 552 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 our text, first, that no education, no genius ever will 
 insure a man against error egregious and dreadful 
 muddle. For here we have a president of an agricult 
 ural college telling wicked stories about the good 
 Lord as fast as he can run a pen, and giving the lie 
 to all agricultural dogmas besides. For we all know 
 that care and neglect do change the character of trees 
 and men, though they do not change their nature. 
 An apple-tree that has been well cultivated has a very 
 different character from one that has been neglected, 
 though it is still an apple-tree ; and President French 
 is requested to present himself for admittance to the 
 infant class of some primary agricultural school to 
 learn the rudiments of the science. 
 
 No, I do not care about fishing, though 1 have no 
 objection to catching sardines from a tin box in a sea 
 of oil, and I like broiled mackerel, something 
 tender, and salty, and buttery, and nice, but I don t 
 like to see fishes wriggle with a hook in their tongue. 
 
 Here is a suggestive little juxtaposition in a letter 
 I received from a distinguished friend lately : " Come 
 down and help us begin life anew. I am going to 
 keep account of the expense of feeding people." And 
 I suppose you think I am a good one. Thank you ; 
 well, I am. I am healthy and hearty, should have 
 shocked Lord Byron, and would have done it with a 
 good will for his silly conceit. 
 
 I was not born in any house you ever saw, so they 
 say. Some day in sunshiny weather, when you 
 happen to be down here, I will take you across the 
 fields to the places where I grew in sun and shade. I 
 wish you would stop talking about love and women, 
 and things you don t know anything about. There 
 are colleges and farms, and books, and plenty of sub-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 553 
 
 objects for intelligent and useful conversation without 
 running your head against a stone wall. I never did 
 see a man who combined such extremes of wisdom 
 and absolute dead-set, wilful stone-blindness. There ! 
 I wonder if I had better cut off the head of my 
 Siberian honeysuckle. I bought a jack knife for the 
 purpose the other day, but as I stand meditating over 
 it my heart misgives me. I should like to live on a 
 great farm which had a splendid farmer at the head 
 of it, aud plent} of men for the body of it, and women 
 that were cunning in butter and cheese, with nothing 
 to do but to go from pillar to post and see things 
 grow, and watch the chickens and goslings and birds 
 and other little ducks. That is my world. You see 
 how near I come to it. But one never can be thankful 
 enough that one is well, and comfortable in mind, 
 body, estate, and friends. So when I say what I like, 
 you understand I am not fretting about what I may 
 happen not to like in all its ramifications. It would 
 be very wicked and unnecessary. When I compare 
 my situation with that of most others, I am afraid to 
 think a thought of even fretting because laborers are 
 deceitful, which is, I believe, my chief trouble nowa 
 days. But then, you see, I am prompt myself, and 
 it shatters my patience sadly to have people promise 
 to come in a week and not come for a fortnight. And 
 people that belong to the church, too ! ! Do you not 
 like to have nothing to do, not permanently, of course, 
 but just for a little while, in spring, say, nothing in 
 particular only stroll about and soak in the warm, lazy 
 air?
 
 554 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 MAY 17, 18G6. 
 
 Enjoy life as it goes, let the crickets sing under 
 your hearth and the mice nibble upon it, write joyfully 
 on your ancient desk, we have just such a one in 
 our kitchen, sniff the scent of the apple-blossoms, 
 and be at peace. I wanted much to hear Mr. Duraut 
 when I was in Boston, but I think he was not there. 
 I have great hopes of him. I heard Mr. E. I do 
 not like him I do not believe in E-dom. I do not 
 impugn his motives or his character. If he would be 
 a good, quiet man and come down to Hamilton and 
 carry on a farm, or work in a shoe-shop, and go to 
 prayer-meetings he would doubtless be of use in the 
 world, and a valuable accession to society, but 
 preached up in Dr. Kirk s pulpit and printed up in the 
 " Congregationalist," and put forward in all the 
 churches, I consider him an evil thing under the sun. 
 That is my impression from one half day s experience 
 of him, and how ever is the world going to be re 
 deemed, will you tell me that? I wanted to find out 
 something about the revival and I went to one of the 
 Park-street prayer-meetings. It was held in a cellar, 
 for one thing, and it was dark and dingy and dismal 
 out of the bright, warm, sunny, living street into the 
 gloom, it struck me with a chill. Nobody was there, 
 after awhile people strayed in by ones and twos, all 
 women to a man ( !), old and wrinkled and ugly and 
 desolate looking. Now, I don t object to these 
 women that they were old and ugly. On the contrary, 
 I have great admiration for such, self-conceit being 
 my great weakness and if they, being desolate and 
 forlorn, can find comfort in prayer-meeting it is as 
 good a result as prayer-meetings can show. Well, 
 after awhile, a few persons came in who seemed to be
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 555 
 
 still living, to have part and lot in the present world, 
 men and women. And the singing and praying 
 went on without lagging, but without enthusiasm, 
 without manifest hearty delight and unconquerable 
 purpose. And if this is a revival prayer-meeting, 
 what is a prayer-meeting without revival, and if this 
 is Boston in a religious excitement, what is Boston 
 when she is dead in trespasses, in sins? And if re 
 ligion is not for the young and gay and happy and 
 fashionable and learned and aesthetic, go to ! 
 
 I went to Boston to see some friends sail for 
 Europe, and on the clean deck of the steamer, with 
 sky and sea so blue, so calm, a voyage to Europe 
 seemed no more than a river-sail, and the old longing 
 held me one breathless moment. If I should outlive 
 rny mother I may go to Europe, for my life then will 
 have no special value, and if the sea swallows me up, 
 I shall hardly be missed. Yet I think I could scarcely 
 bring myself to go unaccompanied by some one whose 
 business was to look out for me in case of shipwreck. 
 I am not afraid to live alone, and we must die alone, 
 whether or no. but I should not like to drown alone. 
 I should not like to plunge down alone into the horror 
 of waters, but with some friend who would hold me 
 all tight, and hide my face, it seems less terrible. 
 
 My mother desires her regards and begs } T OU to send 
 her two of your turkeys eggs. You will have five 
 left then, and can afford to be generous. She has 
 been in vain pursuit of turkeys eggs all the spring. 
 The turkeys hereabouts have struck and lay no more* 
 If you prefer not to send the eggs you may send two 
 turkeys at Thanksgiving, which will answer every pur 
 pose, and will do thus far more service to humanity 
 than by pointing such false and flippant morals as
 
 556 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 mar the beauty of your last letter, the only reply to 
 which may be found in the second person-al pronoun 
 governing an intransitive verb, which in one sense 
 means to be in a recumbent position which sense I 
 do not employ in this case. 
 
 My garden is dreadfully dry and stony, llain is 
 going out of fashion. If the soil equalled my soul 
 I should crown you with flowers. As it is, exercise 
 is my largest crop. But the country is rich with 
 beauty. I look out every day with surprise. The 
 apple-trees are beyond measure beautiful and deli 
 cious, one huge cluster of sweet-scented flowers, and 
 not many caterpillers ! and how the earth contrives 
 to be so lovely and insouciant under the frame of the 
 brazen skies I cannot divine. 
 
 I am attending Professor Blot s lessons in Salem. 
 They are very nice, I think, but I get so tired seeing 
 so many people, and getting in and out of cars every 
 day. I am dreadfully tired of people. People are 
 made up chiefly of eyes. When people go to Am- 
 herst do the Amherst people look at them ? If you 
 go into church will they loiter round the door till you 
 come out? When you go into a shop will you see 
 the clerks nudge each other, and you try to look un 
 conscious and make a sorry failure of it? And will 
 you please to tell me on what general principle the 
 Universe is hung together, in such a way that a little 
 notoriety brings you all the disagreeablenesses of a 
 great fame? Why should their mortal life be teased 
 who will have no compensations of immortality ? 
 
 I would not have the steeple. P. will wrest it 
 from you and turn your Agricultural College into a 
 Unitarian meeting-house. That is the way they did 
 with our Orthodox churches in my young days, carried
 
 BUSY YEARS TN HAMILTON 557 
 
 off the plate and the books and all the church prop 
 erty, and made it over into a Unitarian society, but 
 they left us the truth, whereof we are glad. 
 
 [To A SISTER-IN-LAW.] 
 
 JUNE 6, 1866. 
 
 Mother is given up to millinery and reading novels. 
 First she " did up " a cap washed it and made it 
 over. It has puffs in front and lapels behind, and 
 gimp on top, and blue ribbon for strings. Novels 
 she gets up mornings and sits up nights to read, and 
 I expect she ll be clamoring to go to a theatre before 
 long. I walked over to Ipswich and back this morn 
 ing, started at six, got there at half-past seven. 
 Went to see about getting a teacher for Mr. Curtis 
 who is always in a teacher-phobia. I did not intend 
 to walk back, but it was so pleasant that I con 
 cluded I would. A pair of men met me just as I 
 was out of the woods, and one of them stepped up 
 to me and said " Miss, would you accept a little 
 robin? " I asked him why he did not let it go, and 
 he said it was too young to fly. I took it and carried 
 it a little way, but concluded that Nature would 
 know better how to take care of her robin than I, 
 so I let him go and he hopped off. Yesterday Cap 
 tain Waters from Cherry Hill Farm and his niece 
 came up to see me. 
 
 Last Sunday afternoon Rev. Mr. Sewell s little 
 girl, who had been left at home iu charge of her aunt, 
 ran away while her aunt was asleep, went over to the 
 church and walked in. Her aunt awoke, missed her, 
 ran after her, and got up just in season to miss hold 
 of her dress as she marched in at the church door. 
 She had on an old sack and a big old Shaker bonnet.
 
 558 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Her father saw her the moment she came in, arid 
 watched her as she slowly passed up the aisle, looking 
 in at each of the pews, and when she got to his he 
 beckoned to his father-in-law, just pausing a moment 
 in the sermon, and Miss was taken in and cared for. 
 They said Mr. Benson quite shook with laughing, and 
 a smile went through the church. 
 
 You talk about driving with baby, and your mother- 
 in-law used to drive to Ipswich and back in a chaise 
 with a baby on each side of her and one in her arms ! 
 
 JUNE 28, 1866. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : Your letter came this morn 
 ing, and I hasten to say that we have about concluded 
 not to go anywhere this summer, but to try the novelty 
 of staying at home. We have not been at home all 
 summer in many years. But the main point is that 
 we are thinking it possible we may take a journey to 
 Minnesota in the fall to visit my brother, and, if so, 
 we don t care to tire ourselves with jaunting in the 
 summer. 
 
 I hardly know whether I had better tell you that I 
 have been attending Professor Blot s coiirse in Salem. 
 You will be expecting me to spend my time and 
 strength in cooking you up all manner of savory 
 messes, which, no indeed, I shall not do ! I only 
 wanted the theory. I had no intention of practice. 
 I go for a division of labor as a fundamental princi 
 ple of domestic as well as political economy. He 
 told us how to make French rolls, but encouraged us 
 at the same time by assuring us that it was erne-pos 
 sible to make them as good as they were in France ! 
 However, the lectures were very valuable and very 
 interesting, and I am glad I went.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 559 
 
 I have seen very few notices of " Summer Rest. 
 The righteous soul of the New York Herald " is 
 vexed, and advises that the book should not be read 
 by very young persons, lest it should unsettle their 
 religious belief. So if you are not well-rooted and 
 grounded in baptism you better stop where you are ! 
 The book s private circle seems to be unusually well 
 satisfied. I should have been very glad to hear what 
 you have to say about it, and you know letters never 
 tire one unless I have to write them ! But I do not 
 want you to exert yourself to do either the one or 
 the other for my sake, during this hot weather. It 
 seems to me that it takes so little to make one ill 
 when the weather already makes one languid. 
 
 There are a few things I should like to do, but I 
 don t see the way clear to them ; and, after all, it 
 does not make much difference how things go in this 
 world. Nothing has an end here. It is only to grow 
 good, and if you do that it matters little what the 
 means are. Don t you know that, Mr. Treasurer? 
 
 JULY 7. 
 
 I went to see Whittier yesterday. I carried him 
 over some oranges and cherries all heaped together, 
 and flowers stuck all over them, and honeysuckle 
 wreathed around them, real pretty, because he 
 is sick. By and by I said, "How could you seem 
 so glad to see me when you have such a headache 
 all the time? I don t believe you were. Tell me now 
 your first feeling when you knew I had come. Re 
 member all those cherries and oranges I brought 
 you. Were you glad or sorry?" " Oh ! " said he, 
 " I did not see the oranges till after I had seen you. 
 If I had seen them first it might have made a differ-
 
 560 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ence." I suspect the religious newspapers have 
 learned wisdom, and will crush me with a masterly 
 inactivity. They state a general dissent, but they 
 enter into no particulars of any sort or kind ; and if 
 " S. R." dies prematurely I shall surely inscribe on its 
 tombstone, " Died for lack of abuse." 
 
 Our young roosters have set up their first crow 
 since I saw you. It was not much of a crow, but 
 my loving ears recognized it. Do you suppose now 
 there is any accession to his dignity among his race? 
 Have they any assumption of togas any power of 
 vote? Will the hens consult him in any difficult case? 
 Will he snub the young chickens, and grow polite to 
 the pullets, and screw his neck around to see if his 
 tail feathers are growing well? You don t know 
 anything about it. How many worlds there are, and 
 we enter into none ! Did I tell you I set out two elm 
 trees last fall ? They are both alive. I suppose the 
 buttercups and dandelions that have rotated into 
 children will be playing under them a hundred years 
 hence ; and some one, more thoughtful than the rest, 
 will tell them that his mother told him that an old 
 Miss Dodge set out those two trees. His grand 
 mother s grandmother told her grand-daughter, he 
 believed, and I shall not be any more alive to them 
 than a mummy, and here I am just as alive as can 
 be, as alive as ever you will be, you saucy young 
 rascals in posse. An old Miss Dodge indeed ! 
 
 As for flies, I like them. I think a fly is real good 
 company. I spent a good part of one rainy Sunday 
 afternoon watching them. How do you suppose life 
 presents itself to a fly? When they get too numerous 
 for comfort we just buy a little poison paper, and 
 death comes to them with no dread or fright, only as
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 561 
 
 a fragrant and luring feast, a sweet intoxication. 
 Oh ! I wouldn t give up the flies for anything. 
 
 My garden is blooming. I have planted it with 
 corn. There is one tomato vine has five apples. 
 I shall turn it over to portulaccas another year. "We 
 have three times as many pears as we had last year. 
 Last year we had one. I have been reading Bristed s 
 "Five Years in an English University." How he 
 does take the conceit out of our American colleges ! 
 Do you know anything of the man himself? I like 
 Thackeray. I know his men all drink and smoke, 
 and some of his women are fearfully weak, though 
 he has, perhaps There, I won t finish that. There 
 is no use in saying a little about anything when the 
 little speaks with an uncertain sound. If one could 
 have a multum in parvo it would be worth while. 
 Mr. D. is in doleful dumps about me, so it is quite 
 sad to see. Still he offers beets and green peas as 
 usual, with unflinching kindness, which I accept with 
 undiminished appetite. Strange to see how one can 
 be such a heretic, and yet so robust. 
 
 JULY 31, 1866. 
 
 All that is best in all that I look for. If I attain 
 Heaven at all I count confidently on finding there all 
 that I love here ; not for any valid reason, perhaps, 
 but none the less for that. I am so sure that God 
 will keep his promise, not in the letter merely, but in 
 the spirit. How confident was Paul ! I like to read 
 him sometimes just to revive my faith in the future, 
 just to share his certainty ; such things, I think, you 
 sometimes get by mere contact, sympathy. Anyway, 
 nothing is worse than to pretend to a belie f which you 
 do not possess, and nothing else is [torn] than to
 
 562 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 think you believe what you do not know you do not 
 believe. But this at least is sure, to do one s best in 
 this world is the best for all worlds. Hope in the 
 future is for comfort, not for life. Do you remem 
 ber saying something about a paternal feeling ? I did 
 not think of the absurdity of it at the time. No, I 
 don t feel so, however you do. I consider myself as 
 your equal, thank you, sir ! I am as old as I ever 
 shall be. After thirty I don t think years make much 
 difference. I mean that one has attained a certain 
 stage of maturity, and though one keeps on and on, 
 of course, yet the type of his character does not change. 
 The range of my tastes is, I suppose, as definitely 
 formed and outlined as yours, and I never think of 
 there being any disparity of years between us. 
 
 Remember, when I talk I am talking from myself 
 only, that is, in the abstract. I don t judge for, or 
 of, any one else. What another has done may have 
 been the best thing, taking everything into the 
 account, but I, abstractly thinking, may reckon it 
 not the best thing. 
 
 All that is necessary, however, at present, is that 
 you believe. I would on no account say or do any 
 thing that would give you a moment s pain or even 
 discomfort or uneasiness or any sort of annoyance, 
 and that I am, I believe, without malice, without 
 hypocrisy, without guile, 
 
 Most truly, 
 
 YOUR FRIEND. 
 
 Is this an intelligible letter from dim recollection, 
 I should say or not ? In the first place, it is diffi 
 cult to talk about things without mentioning them 5 
 and lastly, and finally, it is written with a galloping
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 563 
 
 pen against time. What does that mean? I don t 
 know. What do yon think of the Atlantic cable? 
 
 SATURDAY NIGHT, NEAR TEN O CLOCK. 
 
 HAMILTON, Aug. 11, 1866. 
 
 DEAR FRIEND : Both your letters were very pleas 
 ant to me, and they came to me when I had much 
 need of pleasant things. My mother was taken very 
 suddenly ill with paralysis, and for a time this house 
 looked to me very desolate, and I seemed to see be 
 fore me a freedom that was dreary, but at present 
 the sixth day it looks more as if her life might still 
 be spared for comfort and enjoyment, if not for any 
 active occupation. 
 
 I wanted to say to you that I was not harsh, as 
 indeed I had no right to be, for he is the most gener 
 ous of men. He is a real good, honorable man, but 
 it is a sad waste of material for anybody to fall in 
 love with me. But it is all over now, and nobody 
 hurt. It is a remarkable proof of the deceitfulness 
 of the human heart that, after all, I believe I am not 
 so much concerned lest I have done an unhandsome 
 thing as I am that you should think I have done so. 
 Quite a difference, you perceive, as great as 
 between conscience and vanity? 
 
 You talk about being satisfied with an indefinite 
 theory. I am not satisfied with that, but with the 
 fact. I only amuse myself with the theory. Given, 
 by revelation, the fact of future life, and you may well 
 enough imagine it what you like, with the pleasant con 
 sciousness that the utmost stretch and range of your 
 imagination must fall within the scope of the reality. 
 Is it not so? If the Bible is true we certainly have 
 the existence and the perfect satisfaction of another
 
 564 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 life. If the Bible is not true one thing is as likely 
 to happen as another, so I am not far wrong either 
 way. I think sometimes that, looked at in the light 
 of reason, friendship is not much of an institution 
 after all. It extends the sphere of your sorrow. 
 You assume the troubles of another in addition to 
 your own. What have I gained by knowing you? A 
 whole new circle of anxiety. Will s health, another s 
 something, the constant battling and bother of this 
 new college, with the consciousness of not being able 
 to lift a finger to amend anything, only stand by and 
 see the things going on, and grind my teeth a little 
 metaphysically. Well, then, do I wish I had never 
 known you ? Oh, go to, you little goosey ! Is reason 
 all the will that moves us puppets? Aren t there 
 strings twitching us every which way? I have with 
 all your baffliugs and buffetings a pleasant picture of 
 you in your inner home, with all your good children, 
 how supremely happy you are in that, with the 
 royal Lord Pam.,who not only appreciates you, which 
 women often do, but whom you appreciate, which men 
 seldom do, but which you do simply because you are 
 yourself, because you see things where men usually 
 see nothing, or rather something else. A man may 
 stand manfully the brunt of a hundred battles and 
 make no outcry, only ride gayly through it all. Shall 
 I therefore see only his gay bearing and not the human 
 heart under his armor, his blue coat, to speak 
 modernly? What am I made human for but to in 
 terpret him? 
 
 SEPTEMBER 7. 
 
 Mother continues comfortable, goes downstairs, 
 sits up all day, was out in the garden to-day, eats
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 505 
 
 heartily, and seems improving. We have about de 
 cided to attempt the journey, and now intend to leave 
 the last of next week, trying if possible to be at Niag 
 ara over Sunday. 
 
 Whittier says in his letter, " If I were going to 
 leave New England I should go to Minnesota. I 
 wish I was there now, and Amesbury was there, and 
 Boston and Hamilton, and all the good folks I love. 
 When thee gets back again I hope thee will come up 
 and make a visit, and tell me all about thy sight 
 seeing and adventures. Thee knows how glad I shall 
 be to welcome thee to my fireside provided thee 
 doesn t touch the brasses ! " 
 
 HASTINGS, MINN., October 6, 1866. 
 DEAR FUIEXD : I wanted to answer your letters right 
 away, but there is so little quiet time, though if time 
 were ever quiet one would suppose it would be on the 
 boundless prairies. But all is so new. I know now 
 what the Cincinnati people told me years ago that that 
 was not the West. This is the West, this broad lift of 
 field and meadow shoreless as the sea (which is not 
 shoreless at all, by the way). We have just got home 
 from a trip to St. Paul, Minneapolis, beautiful cities 
 set on the bold bluffs of the Mississippi. Minnehaha 
 Falls, the most delicate and dainty in the Avorld. I 
 went behind them and then to their foot, and their 
 daintiness changed into a fierce northeast rain storm 
 that deluged me and beatrny breath away. And there 
 are the falls of St. Anthony, which are no falls, but 
 rapids, most fierce and practical, too, and we went 
 into the various mills that his Saintship turns, and out 
 to Lake Calhoun with its mathematical circle and its 
 beaver dam and its oak groves which we contaminated
 
 566 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 or consecrated with our canned peaches, and oysters, 
 and tongues pickled and fresh, and further still to 
 Fort Suelliug, once the outpost of civilization, now 
 its centre, one may say. And indeed this is a great 
 country, and I felt great enough myself rolling in 
 splendor through the prairies in a barouche proffered 
 us by a Member of Congress, and so, of course, rather 
 statelier than any common carriage. AVe have a few 
 more excursions to make, and then in about a week 
 we turn southward, through Cincinnati and Washing 
 ton, and I know not how many more cities. Perhaps 
 I shall go down to Tennessee and North Carolina, but 
 I think not now, as the cholera seems to abound there. 
 I am not especially afraid of it, but I would not need 
 lessly run any risk. l 
 
 HAMILTON, November 26, 186G. 
 Well, I am home again since last Tuesday, and 
 nobody came to help us till Thursday, and I worked 
 so hard that I got lame and cross. I cared for 
 nobody. I was not fond of you at all. That is the 
 way work always works with me, makes me misan 
 thropic and hard. So you have left the Agricultural 
 College, and I am glad of it, not glad for your lost 
 plans, but it was by no fault of yours. Only it seems 
 to me you will have a more independent life now. 
 Anyway, your letter was grand. I had not time to 
 read it, so I just stood up and glanced at the opening 
 sentence and gradually sank into a chair and read the 
 whole, the water cooling, and the flies enjoying a little 
 longer lease of life. Poor things ! during our absence 
 they went into winter quarters, thinking everything 
 snug and comfortable, and then our coal fires deluded 
 
 1 Narrative of this journey in " Wool Gathering," published in 1867.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 567 
 
 them into a hope of summer, and out they came, buz 
 zing sociably and rubbing their eyes a little, and then 
 up comes the poison and poisons them, every one. I 
 only hope the Legislature will be stirred up about the 
 college. 
 
 I bought a farm out West. Indeed I bought my 
 sister and I a house and barn and all the things, so 
 as to have a shelter in my old age, you know. Still 
 I have a dollar or two left, and I will share it with 
 you in the last ditch, so don t be uneasy about money 
 matters, and as for leisure, how could your idle hands 
 be better employed than in writing to me ? 
 
 I have not seen Helen s " Ma Hubbard," nor any 
 advertisement of it, and I doubt if there be any such 
 book. The audacity of your telling me it is three 
 dollars a copy! I hope it will sell like fury ( !) and 
 wake up Mr. Ticknor to the fact that he has stories 
 of hers buried in his garden. This is such a wicked 
 world that there is nothing like a little success to 
 make people appreciate you. My sister s health is 
 much improved, thank you, as how could it fail to be 
 when we have lived out-doors these two mouths? 
 
 Sometime I am going to find out what Mrs. 
 
 thinks of you. Just now she is buried deep full many a 
 fathom under Thanksgiving pies, and I am reminded 
 anew of what a worthless worm am I. My Judge, I 
 never made a pie in my life. Nor a shirt. Nor a 
 loaf of cake. Nor a pudding, to the best of my 
 knowledge and belief. In fact, the list of things that 
 I never did, and never want to, is sublime in its in 
 finity. 
 
 Some day I shall run in to see you, from 9.30 to 
 4.00. But on the day I come, so far from having 
 nothing to do, there will be three men waiting to see
 
 568 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 you about a water claim, five will be making their 
 wills, seven will have quarrels to settle, and thirteen 
 wish to sue for bad debts, so I shall only open the 
 door a crack, peep in, and run away. You will think 
 you heard a mouse and that is all. I am glad Hatty 
 has a servant. A husband without a servant is a 
 blessing so disguised as not to be recognizable. 
 
 Your ducks are not very enterprising dying one 
 at a time. My brother s jumped into the cistern by 
 the dozen. That is the difference between Eastern 
 and Western energy. I stayed in Minnesota till October 
 16, then sailed down the Mississippi by sun and moon 
 light gloriously, slept at Chicago the night General 
 Butler was there and spoke under our window, then 
 to Indianapolis, and slept on its flatness fearfully, 
 then to Cincinnati visiting, thence October 22 to 
 Louisville by sun and moon shine on the Ohio, slept 
 at Nashville, then to Chattanooga, up Lookout Moun 
 tain and over the battle-ground, then to Kuoxville to 
 fight Buruside s battles o er again in pleasant weather, 
 with pleasant friends, thence by way of Bristol, 
 Lynchburg, etc., to Washington, where we stopped a 
 week, sight-seeing and visiting ; drove to Mt. Vernon, 
 thence to Gettysburg, thence to Harrisburg, then New 
 York for a week or so, then by way of Meriden 
 home. And I like to think of you back in Boston 
 again. 
 
 Now don t, prithee, be discomforted. The spring 
 lies so surely under the snow, and even winter treads 
 softly as yet. Next Saturday I go to Newburyport 
 with my niece to school, and I remember so vividly 
 my own first school-going, and here is a new genera 
 tion coming up. Oh, I think we, who have lived, 
 should have such unspeakable pity and tenderness for
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 569 
 
 those who are beginning to live. It isn t of any 
 account being happy yourself, to what it is to soften 
 life for those who come within your scope. I don t 
 mean being unhappy, but simply to lack perfect hap 
 piness, or even positive happiness. One can enjoy 
 vastly many things without it, and with it one would 
 be in so frightfully small a minority, that how could 
 he help a fearful looking-for of impending change? 
 
 Good-night, dear friend, President, or presided 
 over, it makes no odds to me, so you are yourself 
 without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. For me 
 you must take me, spots, wrinkles, and all, or leave 
 me altogether. 
 
 DECEMBER 14. 
 
 My last budget I sent Tuesday. For news, one of 
 our chickens has broken its leg, which I have mended 
 by having its head cut off, that is homoeopathy. 
 That night I went to Salem, to hear Agassiz lecture. 
 I was very much pleased with him. 
 
 DECEMBER 28. 
 
 Say to Mr. Ford, in whatever civil phrase you choose, 
 that I " can t, shan t, and won t" write for his paper. 
 I have, as the Ollendorfs say, neither time nor mind to 
 write. It is very well for you, who have both, to go 
 under the water, but I find it all I can do to breathe 
 in the air. Really, I have no time to do half the 
 things I want to do, and I have nothing in particular 
 to say in a religious newspaper. It is so long that they 
 have refused to print my wayside words, that I don t 
 have any wayside thoughts come to me nowadays. 
 Besides, I can pull my Orthodox string as hard as I 
 like and no harm done, but let me give ever so gentle
 
 570 UAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 a twitch to the Baptist cord and down comes a 
 shower-bath on my head and takes my breath away, 
 which the Baptists would be very glad of, perhaps. 
 And I do not like this way of giving your papers in 
 terest by talking about living people, though I like 
 Mrs. Stowe who does it. I think it is cultivating a 
 bad taste in the people, who are greedy enough of 
 gossip and personal details now. 
 
 If I write at all for the "W. &. R." it shall be for 
 love and not for money. If anything comes to me 
 that can be pressed into your service you shall have 
 it, but what s Ford to me, or me to Ford, as Shak- 
 speare says, that I should lay myself out to please 
 him. But if you reply for me reply with great polite 
 ness. Translate me into hypocrisy thy name is French ! 
 I had something better than sherry Christmas Day : 
 Whittier s prose books sent to me by his own saintly 
 hand, and Mr. Prang has sent me a brood of chick 
 ens which do everything but chirp, and some lovely 
 mosses, and a bird s nest and things. I think they 
 are beautiful. 
 
 As for your caunot-help-it-philosophy, I do not 
 believe in it. It may be true as a present fact, but 
 not as an ultimatum. It is a devil s breastwork to be 
 beaten down, and not a natural division of land and 
 water to be made the best of. I can never, I think, 
 believe that God has put eternal death into human 
 hands, and has not put there life. I suppose one 
 may safely take for granted, that there always will 
 be wickedness in the world, but that does not make 
 that it is not wicked and should not be opposed, and 
 while every creature of God is good, every natural 
 quality that he has implanted in the human being 
 innocent, it is also true that selfishness and reck-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 571 
 
 lessness and grossncss are wretchedly wrong and 
 fatal. 
 
 It seems to me that the love between men and 
 women is in its deepest spirit god-like. It is of the 
 earth, earthy only because we dwell so much in the 
 outer courts, and do not discern the divinity within. 
 In every aspect it is a type of something so heavenly 
 that it can in no way be revealed, but by a way which 
 concerns the penetralia of life. God will not be 
 seen by unrecognizing eyes, so they see only the out 
 ward form, which is not God at all. Yet God is there 
 to him who is spiritually discerned. It is true, you 
 say, we do not often speak of these things, but not 
 because they are unworthy, but because we are. To 
 me there is no stronger sign of total depravity than 
 that crust of profanity and uncleanness and frivolity 
 which so widely overlays the most sacred mysteries 
 of this life. They are not to be talked about, for 
 they belong to the things which will not bear rough 
 usage. From people whose whole thought and living 
 is cr.rthly one expects but earthliness, honest per 
 haps, and homely, but not raising us higher. But 
 they who have education and observation and religion, 
 surely they ought to lift us up and not drag us down. 
 But I don t think, at least I am afraid, that knowledge 
 does not spiritualize, and much of our religion does 
 not seem to help the matter. Some are naturally 
 swans, and some are naturally swine (it was not the 
 alliteration that lured me there), and the one is white 
 of its own nature, and to the other everything is mire. 
 Yet the Divine idea is swans, not swine, and so, I 
 think, with proper pains and the grace of God, we 
 shall all one day begin to show the white feather 
 unless lazy people like you look around and fold their
 
 572 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 soft hands and say, despairingly, we cannot help it, 
 " or rather they cannot help it." It is very difficult 
 to teach right doctrines, but I should be greatly 
 pleased if our sage bishops and other clergy would stop 
 teaching their infernalities. Is it so hard to hold one s 
 tongue? I never tried, so I can t tell. Did I send you 
 a December pansy? I picked some more Christmas. 
 Monday morning. I have read this over, and if I 
 had time to write another I would not send this. It 
 is always fatal to my letters to keep them over night, 
 This looks as if I were some white-winged angel 
 soaring up out of sight of the common herd. It is 
 no such tiling. I don t pretend to be any better than 
 other people. I put myself down among them all, 
 and belong there, but I won t say, because I don t 
 think, that is the right place. Moreover, because we 
 are on the earth is no reason why we should not look 
 at the stars and try to get up there by and by, and 
 get other people up, too. 
 
 JANUARY 3, 18G7. 
 
 There is no need of raising metaphysical distinc 
 tion about the meaning of create. Whatever the 
 immortals do, you know that souls never do come 
 into existence without mortal agency, and it s no 
 matter when they begin or where they were before. 
 They are here now, and that is our lookout. We are 
 not responsible for God s part in the matter, and so 
 we need say nothing about it, as practical duty, 
 though of course there is no wrong in thinking and 
 theorizing, if it does not interfere with right acting. 
 I trust it will turn out that the relation of most hus 
 bands and wives will be temporal and temporary. I 
 am sure I don t want to 20 on writing " New Atmos-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 573 
 
 pheres " to all eternity, and I know I never could 
 hold my tongue, even in heaven, if there were such 
 actions as are going on on earth. I can t carry out 
 my ideas of "conjugal love" in a novel, people, 
 well, it is too public. That s the trouble. I can t 
 preach and I can t practise, and here I have an ideal, 
 and I am confident it is the only reality. 
 
 Time won t show it, perhaps, but if you are good 
 all your life, maybe you will see it in some white 
 shining star. 
 
 I had a note from Whittier, who says he will show 
 me the picture of Sumner s wife when I come up, 
 and "Just think of it! instead of taking his carpet 
 bag and starting off for the Washington cars as afore 
 time, he went this winter, filling a coach with his 
 family, Mr. Sumner and Mrs. Sumner, and Mrs. 
 Sumner s child, and Mrs. Sumner s child s nurse, and 
 Mrs. Sumner s little dog. Sumner wrote and told me 
 what he was going to do, and I told him to go ahead, 
 and that I would support him in this crisis as in all 
 others, and am glad for his sake, for I hear she is 
 good and worthy, and, best of all, loves him." 
 
 I have a very fine flock of birds under my window. 
 I feed them well with canary seed, and they pay me 
 well by coming to eat it, and chirping under the win 
 dow. Mr. Whipple came in with another album 
 from a friend of his, who would like " quite a piece," 
 which I gave, copied from Bacon ; catch me writ 
 ing " pieces " of my own in albums ! Might as well 
 ask for the money and done with it ! 
 
 JANUARY 23, 1867. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. WOOD : Why a man who sets up 
 housekeeping in the skies at will should go and bang
 
 574 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 his head against the pavement for the sake of " see 
 ing stars," I cannot conceive. Ordinary people 
 might take that method of studying astronomy ; but 
 such a Peter as you, who holds in his hands the keys 
 of heaven, and pays a morning call there with as 
 much nonchalance as he eats his breakfast, might be 
 supposed beyond the necessity of such violence. 
 However, you have saved your skull this time, some 
 what to my astonishment, I must confess, and I hope 
 you will preserve your equanimity and your equilib 
 rium for the future. 
 
 I have received your manuscript of Mrs. Smith s 
 flight to the stars. No note came with it, but I sup 
 pose it is not suited to the temperature of the briny 
 Atlantic. Augusta and I have both read it with the 
 greatest amusement, but I should never think of its 
 being published. We only wanted you present to 
 laugh with us. It is so exquisitely absurd and 
 grotesque. Augusta said it was just like you, sitting 
 back in the carriage and talking your mingled religion 
 and fashion. Oh ! you are too absurd. What shall 
 I do with this book ? You are the very oddest man 
 and writer I know, or, at least, think of at this mo 
 ment. How came all these quips and cranks into 
 your common-sonse New England head? I think you 
 are born out of place and time. You belong in the 
 dusty tomes of some quaint old library. 
 
 Galore is a dictionary word, I believe, perhaps a 
 little antiquated. I rather think it is as old as 
 Chaucer. 
 
 JANUARY 26, 1867. 
 
 Poverty is a means of grace. Poverty is the dark 
 sky in which the stars shine out with a brilliance 
 which the sunshine of prosperity dazzles into ob-
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 575 
 
 scurity. Poverty is the nursing mother of virtue and 
 genius, and is doubtless a blessing. I shouldn t like 
 it, but then I haven t got it. 
 
 What you say about Irish children is false in fact 
 and demoralizing in tendency. Here we live, and 
 next door live the Irish. Ours is a family of seven 
 children, and of the two Irish families, one has one 
 child and the other has none. Now, then, where are 
 your statistics? And for all practical purposes the 
 soul begins with the body, when it begins at all. We 
 do not infrequently see bodies walking about without 
 any souls in them ; but, on the other hand, we don t 
 see souls stripped from bodies ; and all you and I 
 have to do is to look out for visible souls. 
 
 We have had a snowstorm. I have amused myself 
 walking over the fences. Mr. D. amused himself 
 blowing down his chimneys. The snow-birds come 
 by the half dozen, and I feed them with canary- 
 seed. The apple-boughs lie on the snow, and I stood 
 among them and thought of the beauty and bloom 
 gathering there and the songs preparing to sing. I 
 wish I could make you believe in a change of seasons. 
 One can always bear the frost so well if he smells the 
 flowers beneath. Don t you fret yourself about the 
 frames. Get off as cheaply as will be at all pretty. 
 But I think those ferns and vines are beautiful. You 
 spoke of the chromes being make-believe oil paint 
 ings. I want them to be honest chromos, just cheap 
 prettinesses. You know there is no demoralization 
 where there is no deception. We have had company 
 all day and I have done nothing. Winter is more 
 than half over, and it has been so decidedly winter 
 that I expect spring will be in a hurry. Only think 
 that all your life long every year you will see the
 
 576 ^ AIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 grass growing and the air softening into fruit and 
 flowers ! My gray little homely birds are only the har 
 bingers of what will be so brilliant. I think already 
 of the damp mosses and the cool shadows and the fra 
 grance of sun-steeped pastures, all brown and burnt, 
 and crackling under your feet. Dreadful, isn t it? 
 but the sun seems so powerful then. I wonder if 
 one ever could get tired of summer. Do you ever feel 
 as if you were a duplex and triplex and tweuty-plex 
 person? 1 do. Seems as if you might take me out, 
 one box after another, and they are not in the least 
 alike. Don t sink into life so deep as to be buried 
 alive. You can t ever see your hand before you, so 
 what is the use in being anxious ? And if you could 
 see your hand, what better off are you? 
 
 FEBRUARY 5, 18G7. 
 
 You are the dearest creature, and I would tell you so 
 if it weren t that you would say it was all loaves and 
 fishes and picture frames. It isn t. They came yester 
 day and I think they are beautiful. You can t tell how 
 much I thank you for them. Those rustic frames are 
 as lovely as possible, and just as suited to the wild 
 grace of the vines, and all of them are beautiful and 
 only show how much better a fair soul looks in a fair 
 body, as I always told you. I am going to capture 
 a carpenter to hammer in some hooks. I wish you 
 had come down with the pictures, and wouldn t we 
 have had a good time hanging them ! I would not 
 only say to my servant go, but go hang ! I am afraid 
 that is almost wicked, now. I won t say it any more. 
 But twas only the centurion who said it in the first 
 place, and I don t know that I am bound to pay any 
 special honor to him. That book of Clark s, well,
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 577 
 
 now, I don t care to read anybody on theology who is 
 not standard in his own set. Does Clark compel 
 your assent and respect? If he does not I will none 
 of him. I want light. I don t want feeling after the 
 light. I can do that myself. What I would do if I 
 were rich would be to have you come here and turn 
 this unsightly wilderness of a farm that I live on into 
 something pleasant for the eye and good for food. 
 All it has to recommend it now is pure air and sun 
 shine. That is much, to be sure, but it could have 
 those in abundance and beauty too. Such a home as 
 I saw of mine in a dream once ! Ah ! my dear, we 
 weren t meant to have our homes in this world, were 
 we ? And you won t heartily believe in any other, so 
 there we are. 
 
 I have troubles, too. My hens don t lay more than 
 an egg a day, and the pump has frozen up and the 
 pipe burst or something, and my ungrateful birds, 
 after I had bought them two quarts of canary seed, 
 went and left me just because there was a thaw 
 and you ai - e very wrong about their being nuisances, 
 for they don t destroy our strawberries. We haven t 
 any for them, and if they will be so good as to eat 
 our sour little bitter cherries they are doubly welcome. 
 I wish you could stuff one of my Regan-and-Goneril 
 birds that frequented the bank when I dispensed 
 charity a magnificent gray and white calm-souled 
 creature, who squatted in the snow as reposef ully as if 
 it had beeu a bed of down. And no matter if all men 
 born of women preexisted, all I say, it is of no prac 
 tical importance to us, but you will run head-first 
 against that blank wall and stand there and beat 
 your brains out, and I come up and lead you away, 
 and the minute I look up, there you are at it again !
 
 578 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 You ought to read the autobiography of Heiurich 
 Stilling if you waut to know some other perplexity 
 than your own. It is a curious, naive, gushing book- 
 ful of tears, and embraces, and kisses, and telling 
 tales out of school, but with a good deal of solid 
 sense and sound religion besides. 
 
 FEBRUARY 20. 
 
 Did I speak to you about " Henry Holbeach"? It 
 is one of the most attractive books I have seen this 
 many a day. It confirms one in the faith somehow. 
 Did you ever notice the different spontaneous re 
 sponses we give to books. Some we assent to in a 
 sort of negative way because we really can see no 
 flaw in the reasoning. Others we spring to with 
 instant recognition. 
 
 Mr. D. has rather gone over to the opposition 
 about my letters. Since he has been away I have 
 written him several, perfectly so-so letters they were, 
 too. The other day he came up on an errand and in 
 vited himself here to tea, to our great satisfaction, and 
 broke out : " I don t wonder people want you to write 
 letters to them." To-day he was up again and said 
 he got a letter from me yesterday, " and a beautiful 
 letter it was, too ! " The fact is, I don t suppose he 
 has been accustomed to any but business letters all 
 his life. He is one of the best of men, honest and 
 true, and it really did me good to see his round ruddy 
 face smiling in at the door. I never heard of your 
 Platonic attachments. I know very well which class 
 I should fall into. I am not very intellectual, but I 
 am religious. A gentleman asked me last Saturday 
 how I liked the minister. I said "I hated him! 
 that s how I liked him." When I heard, however, that
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 579 
 
 he was a Methodist brother I held my tongue. I don t 
 feel any call to chastise my neighbor s children, nor 
 to refrain from chastising my own ! Do you mean to 
 say that I grow less agreeable as I grow old ? On 
 the contrary, I think I improve vastly, and by the 
 time I get to be eighty I expect to be a belle and a 
 beauty. May you be there to see ! 
 
 Have you seen Whittier s new poem? He has just 
 sent it to me. I have not read it, but I know the 
 best part of it is what he has written on the fly-leaf. 
 I suppose the great mass of persons in the world are 
 really incapable of friendship. No otherwise can I 
 account for the clouds that seem to hang over so 
 many. I am as far as possible from believing that 
 friendship should, or can, encroach upon love. It 
 seems to me they may run in parallel lines forever, 
 since parallels never meet. I have a very great scorn 
 for the notion you often find afloat that propinquity 
 is the what do the theologians call it ? predispos 
 ing cause of love. It may be a sufficient cause for 
 that bread-and-butter sentiment which keeps the pot 
 boiling, and, of course, if two substances have the 
 natural affinity the coming together is all that is 
 necessary, but the natural affinity is the very thing in 
 question. Oil and water are no more one thing in a 
 dish-pan than they are out of it. And I wish there 
 were high living enough in the world to be at least 
 recognized as a ponderable and visible and appre 
 ciable thing in its own right. 
 
 My sister says the reason your hens calculate so 
 nicely is because they are so near the Observatory, 
 and she has some stupid scholars she would like to 
 shut up in your coop till their mathematics rose to a 
 level with the bantams. / am raising chickens. I
 
 580 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 put fifteen foreign eggs under a hen last Saturday. 
 First I knew she was on another nest. So now I 
 watch her, and when she comes off I clap an old hood 
 on the eggs and follow her round till she goes on 
 again generally to the wrong nest, and set her 
 right. If those eggs do turn into chickens they will 
 owe it to me as much as to the hens. 
 
 Yes, I have been over to Whittier s. Your heresy 
 on the tent is such as deprives you of all claim on the 
 story of my career there, so I will only tell you that 
 we had a whole long evening to ourselves, Dr. Hayes 
 having kindly volunteered to draw off the surplus 
 population to lecture on icebergs, walrus, and such 
 small deer. Then I went to Mrs. Spalding s, and had 
 brilliant glimpses of her between relays of company, 
 and she inquired for you. She is a superb woman. 
 Her letters astonish me, every last one most. They 
 are finished prose. It is like reading some elegant 
 writer, a classic production. Now don t you go and 
 praise her up to the skies for the purpose of taking 
 me down, and don t you be always telling me how 
 queenlike and elegant all your friends are. Don t you 
 know it s only another way of telling me how dumpy 
 and dwarfish I am? And besides, I don t believe they 
 are very elegant. It is only a way you have of glori 
 fying yourself. I dare say when you are talking with 
 people who will never cross my orbit you sing the 
 same song about me. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 APRIL 16, 1867. 
 
 Our housekeeper went away in March, and since 
 then, with an Irish aide-de-camp for emergencies, my
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 581 
 
 mother and I have kept the ship afloat. I am now 
 become quite learned in beef-steaks and batters, and 
 as house-cleaning has already appeared above the 
 horizon, T suppose my knowledge will branch out into 
 brooms and mops and scrubbing-brushes. 
 
 Well, and I have been to Dr. G. of Boston, the 
 hero of electricity and galvanism, and he lands you, 
 sir, high and dry on the shores of empiricism ! What 
 do you think of that, you man of all worlds, but the 
 especial lover of this ? He did not advise recurrence 
 to his galvanism for mother, thought it would be 
 attended with danger. I also went to a clairvoyant, 
 but that is a secret. She made a sad miss of it, but 
 I got my dollar s worth of phenomena. She was 
 voluble anent the " Internals," but shy of the " Ex 
 ternals," which showed her sagacity. You know 
 you can hazard almost any assertion about a person s 
 liver, and he cannot contradict you, being generally 
 innocent of all knowledge of the locality or condition 
 of that scape-goat of an organ. 
 
 You have been very cross of late that I know 
 right well. You wondered why God did not rain 
 down hail-stones upon the getter s-up of Catholic- 
 Episcopalianism ! I rather think if speculative theol 
 ogy is to be punished with hail-stones you would 
 better buy a new umbrella ! Heretic that you are, 
 you would prove your orthodoxy by branding all 
 other heretics. Well, it is not such a very uncommon 
 thing, after all. 
 
 Yesterday was our first spring day. The air was 
 really warm, and to-day our peas are in and watered 
 by a warm, steady rain. I have twenty little chickens 
 as lovely as you ever saw. I have beautiful flowers 
 in my room, house-flowers from my own plants, but
 
 582 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 tended by my friends. The house has been fragrant 
 with heliotrope, that sweetest of scents, so impalpable, 
 so penetrating, so deliciously suggestive. 
 
 The ministers are all going away in this vicinity. 
 Mr. Southgate and Mr. Fitz have resigned in Ipswich, 
 and Mr. Sewell in Wenham. The latter takes a pro 
 fessorship in Bowdoiu College. I went to Newbury- 
 port to see the launch of the " Erie." It was 
 wondrous beautiful. I had no suspicion a launch could 
 be so grand and inspiriting. There was a great 
 multitude, but no crowd. Afterward I called on Mrs. 
 Spofford and her blue-eyed bab} T . She looked charm 
 ing and he promising not to put it too mildly. Her 
 health has been indifferent, but she is now improving. 
 My niece, Josie, is very happy with Mrs. Dimmick. 
 I trust you are well and happy. That is trusting a 
 great deal, isn t it? 
 
 Yours as ever, 
 
 M. A. D. 
 
 APRIL 13, 18G7. 
 
 "It is done. Clang of bells and roar of gun send 
 the tidings up and down." 
 
 My dear 
 They are here. 
 But oh ! 
 Woe ! woe ! 
 Is me 
 To see 
 Myself as others see me. 
 
 I dare say they are good likenesses, but it is cruel 
 in you to want to perpetuate them. The good God 
 made wie, and we cannot help ourselves, but he never 
 made photographs, and State soven ignty extends over
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 583 
 
 them. They are good pictures as art. I have not 
 shown them and shall not show them to any one. 
 On no account let Mrs. F. see them, and above all 
 things keep me from being hung on the public gallows. 
 Believe me if I ever hear of these being seen any 
 where, if they ever get into so small a public, it will 
 be a lasting annoyance to me. My only objection is 
 that they look just like me, and when I wish to be 
 transparent and see only life and the world, why 
 should you seize and fix me, an opaque body, to 
 " stain the white radiance of eternity " withal? Now, 
 I beg you at once to destroy them body and soul, 
 negative and positive, and write and tell me so. 
 Then let us saints forget we have bodies till we are 
 good enough to go to heaven and be clothed upon 
 with immortality. 
 
 1 shall not go to Boston again to have my picture 
 taken till it is warm enough to wear a white dress so 
 I need not be obliged to discard my own clothes and 
 be folded in a rag that has wrapped Egyptian mummies 
 in Thebes street three thousand years ago, for aught 
 I know. I think that is one reason I looked so cross. 
 I felt uncomfortable and ill-placed, and then I am 
 cross besides, and my pitch- forked vision does not 
 mend the matter. Do try and hunt up those missing 
 photographs. Do I look like that, I wonder? I stay 
 at home among mine own people and am full of other 
 things and forget all about myself till I go out into 
 the world, and then every once in a while I somehow 
 get a glimpse of facts and am scared back again. 
 This photograph is one of the glimpses. 
 
 Mr. Fields wants me to have the book a few chap 
 ters printed in the "Atlantic," before publishing 
 in book form. He affirms that it is capital, and that
 
 584 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 when he is reading it he has to roll himself up into a 
 ball and roll round the street to relieve himself. I 
 don t think very favorably of his plan, and I hardly 
 think I shall agree to it. I think it will have more 
 dignity as a book than as a series of articles. Mr. 
 Foster came over and planted peas, and we had a 
 long conversation on intellect, ambition, books, social 
 differences, in which we agree to a charm, both of us 
 being eminently sensible. 
 
 APRIL 29. 
 
 Your departure was speedily followed by the advent 
 of - - with a thimbleful of cranberries, which was 
 just as much an act of love, to be honored and 
 thanked, as if she had brought a gold-mine. She 
 could not think of anybody she should so much wish 
 to have them as mother, and she said they were very 
 good to eat uncooked, and asked me to try one, which 
 I did, and affirmed in an agony between a smile and a 
 pucker that it was very nice, why, yes, and immedi 
 ately backed out of the room and ejected it into the 
 stove with enthusiasm. 
 
 A letter from Professor Stowe lamenting that his 
 wife and "Our Charlie" had left him the Thursday 
 before, the former going to Florida, the latter to sea. 
 They have a son, Captain Fred., on a cotton planta 
 tion in F., and I suppose they will go there to live. 
 I am real sorry he is going away. Charlie has been 
 to sea once, a Mediterranean voyage, and had a 
 specially hard time of it, and came back more pas 
 sionate for the sea than ever. Also a long letter from 
 Mr. Baxter telling all about Kate s wedding, and the 
 most penitent apologies for not telling about it before. 
 He says her wardrobe was gotten up by a lady friend
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 585 
 
 in Philadelphia, and the only active participation he 
 had in it was to pay the bills. Judging from the 
 amount required to liquidate them, he is prepared to 
 say it was complete and splendid. The wedding-dress 
 was white ribbed silk, and cost a fraction over three 
 hundred dollars. They will stay at home till July, 
 and then take a house of their own. Mitchell is sec 
 ond in his class at college, with a prospect of soon 
 becoming first, and Lewis has taken the first prize for 
 declamation. Mr. - - is somewhat better, has dis 
 carded Dr. Kimball and taken a spiritual medium doc 
 tor, who orders a wash of Castile soap. There are 
 some people who would not use it without an order 
 from the other world. I have just bought nearly a 
 pound of it good English. 
 
 How I wish there might never be any such para 
 graphs set afloat ! It is not going to be intensely 
 funny, nor intensely anything. It has not a view in 
 it moral, social, political, or landscapical not to omit 
 theological. There is no problem that it is going to 
 solve, nor any reform which it will advance. You 
 need not say maliciously these are mere negative vir 
 tues. Make much of them, for it has no positive. 
 
 Somebody has sent me an engraving of Bierstadt s 
 Rocky Mountains." I had a nice young cousin here 
 this afternoon, and the moment she looked at my 
 birds nests and vines, she cried, "Oh! there they 
 are, but how beautiful the frames are ! " I did not tell 
 her whose taste they were. Do you think I will give 
 all the glory to you, when by the simple process 
 simple to me from long practice of holding my 
 tongue 1 can get the lion s share of it myself? Speak 
 ing of lions, you will have to hurry up your Deutsch 
 a little if you mean to keep ahead of me. I am read-
 
 586 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 ing " Lessing s Fables," and find his snakes and foxes 
 very entertaining. 
 
 Whenever a man does something annoying and irri 
 tating it puts me out with the whole world of men. 
 I suppose it is just as bad for a man as for a woman, 
 that is, I esteem it due to courtesy to say so, but the 
 thought of being indissolubly bound to any one, to be 
 forced to stand sponsor for all his obtusenesses and 
 perversities and obstinacies and weaknesses, to be cut 
 to the heart by every edged tool he chooses to use, or 
 does not know that he uses, to have your most secret 
 soul and life entirely at the mercy of some one else, 
 with no hiding-place and no court of withdrawal save 
 the abandonment of all hope Just here came your 
 letter and house-cleaning and company, so, fortunately 
 for you, my sentence remains unfinished. You have 
 some very heretical and mischievous and abominable 
 notions which it becomes my painful duty to extirpate. 
 I do not object to your liking women because they are 
 women, and in a different manner from men. That 
 is in the nature of things, and I believe in nature most 
 strenuously. And it is a great pity you did not put 
 your letter into the post-office when it was finished, 
 and so spare yourself that lamentable paragraph about 
 love and friendship, and buds and blossoms. To be 
 sure, a bud may develop into leaf or fruit, but a peach- 
 bud never develops into a grape. Friendship is fruit 
 as much as love is fruit. Friendship may flower into 
 perfect beauty, yet never become love. Perhaps I am 
 not competent to treat that subject. But certainly if 
 love is something whose natural culmination is mar 
 riage, whose tendency is to absorption, something 
 that makes you want to live all your life with some 
 body else, makes you want to give up all your own
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 587 
 
 life and make it seem no risk to risk everything, why 
 then love is something as far apart from friendship 
 as the elm tree is from Mount Athos. Of course 
 every person s capacity for the one or the other de 
 pends upon his organization. I dare say that the 
 power of the two is generally combined. I cannot say 
 that it always is. 
 
 What you do like of me is something apart from 
 head or hair something that is a great deal more 
 me, and that will be me " when our good swords 
 rust and our steeds are dust." I know it is not 
 philosophy and it is not goodness. It is some 
 thing infinitely more impalpable and inexplicable 
 than they. 
 
 Have you read " Katharine Morne "? Now, that 
 Charles Dudley has noble traits. But I fear there 
 are not many men who would write such a love-letter 
 as thit. It is so utterly high-minded. It makes a 
 woman feel self-respect to be so addressed. I always 
 feel better after reading Miss Palfrey s things. She 
 says never anything low. Contrast her with - , 
 who outrages every avenue of approach. His last 
 part, treating the minister and the girls, is vile- 
 ness itself. As representing a class of the clergy 
 it is entirely untrue. I should think he would be 
 ashamed of himself to be able to conceive such 
 thoughts, connecting things heavenly and things 
 earthly in such an unholy alliance, carrying away 
 his ministers and doctors with such fantastic whims. 
 And what an absolute downright is it too much to 
 say fool? he is in making Cynthia Badlam so 
 overcome by the spectacle of a pair of bare baby- 
 legs, as if you could not see them by the dozen any 
 time, whether you have any of your own or not. But
 
 588 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 don t let us get angry and abusive. Say something 
 good, and grand, and magnanimous. 
 
 April 25, 1867, Friday. Good-Friday to you, 
 and a charming home and a pleasant life, and 
 amiable friends like 
 
 Yours truly. 
 
 The picture is come, and it is a beauty, and well 
 worth its frame. How many times do you suppose I 
 should stop to take a picture out of a portfolio and 
 look at it? Now, whenever I choose to look up, there 
 they are, my mountains, my mosses, my angels, 
 my chickens. I don t know what the anticipations 
 of your youth were, but mine have been a great deal 
 better than filled by the actualities of age. I don t 
 mean fame, or anything of that sort, but life is more 
 keenly enjoyable than I had any thought it would be. 
 To be sure, I had not much thought about it anyway, 
 and what I enjoy is a sort of intangible thing, not 
 easily defined in words. One thing I enjoy is the 
 knowledge that I can live on nothing, or next to 
 nothing, if it becomes necessary. My strawberries 
 are doing well. I have not a strawberry in the world. 
 I mean the plants, and I have had the walks turfed 
 to keep down the weeds, and the grass still lives, and 
 the peas are well up, and isn t it cold? 
 
 Five of my chickens are gone. The other fifteen 
 are growing homely, but they shall not lose their 
 place in my heart. I am not of that fickle make to 
 be won only by the charms of down and pin-feathers. 
 Young Henry James, I think, is one of the most 
 promising writers we have. His stories are studies. 
 He has a way and a thought of his own. How much 
 there is in this last story of his just begun. All his
 
 BUSY TEARS IN HAMILTON 589 
 
 stories have body. His women, if they are wicked 
 or foolish, have their own way of being so. They 
 are not the old block women handed down by tradi 
 tion, with only the change of waterfalls and rats, or 
 whatever is the last new style. I don t know. 
 
 JUNE 3, 1867. 
 
 MY DEAR JDDGE : Was I cross when I wrote my 
 last letter? I am afraid so. Well, I had a reason 
 for it. That is one thing remarkable about me. I 
 am never disagreeable without some good reason, 
 whereas you and the rest of the world will suffer 
 yourself to lose your fine poise from any whim. But 
 that day something had happened to me. I thought 
 I was threatened with a loss of friendship, regard, 
 respect, and so I took a sudden scorn of friends, 
 and put on perhaps high-heeled boots, and went on 
 the rampage. I am not fretful and ill-tempered 
 around home. I hope you won t think I go cater 
 wauling over the house as I do in letters. I am 
 not peevish and fault-finding and horrid, but I am 
 stormy, not a northeast rain-stormy or snow- 
 squally, but a magnetic storm, you know, that raves 
 and rages through sunshine and clear skies, and gives 
 no sign except to the electricians. Unfortunately 
 you are an electrician because you don t live with 
 me. I can t be cross to people that are right before 
 my face and eyes, so I have to discharge my thunders 
 (electrical) through letters. 
 
 Why should I cut the grass about the door? I 
 want it high, and rank, and dense, and see it wave 
 in the wind and shine in the sun ; and the birds are 
 so brilliant, and saucy, and fat ! Young Henry James
 
 590 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 is the sou of old Henry James, and old Henry James 
 used to be one of rny friends. He took me up, think 
 ing he should make something of me. He very soon 
 found out his mistake, and dropped me, but 
 gently, so that my memory of him is not put to 
 the blush even by this June morning. But while we 
 had dealings together I found that on some points 
 his views were more palpably, definitely, positively in 
 consonance with mine than those of any other man I 
 ever met. You are nowhere in the comparison. You 
 are sometimes right concretely and by instinct. He 
 was right abstractly and on principle. I disappointed 
 him sadly, for I was not able intellectually to com 
 prehend him, and though I knew it in the beginning, 
 and told him so repeatedly, he would not believe it 
 till he found it out of himself to his sorrow. Now 
 we are good friends, but I have the advantage inas 
 much as my knowledge of him is a source of hope lo 
 me, while his knowledge of me has only given him 
 another failure. That is who young Henry James is. 
 He is the son of his father, of course. My Henry 
 James is sometimes one of the most entertaining of 
 men. He has a way of surprising you that is highly 
 amusing. My mother sighs over your mother get 
 ting breakfast. I don t want my mother to get 
 breakfast, but I wish she were able to do it. I have 
 had company the past week, and we have been living 
 on a series of experiments. My sister was at home, 
 and we made desperate assaults on the cook-books. 
 Our guest paid the best of compliments to our 
 experiments by cheerfully eating them up, but my 
 mother is not overburdened with civility, and reminds 
 us from time to time, " You were never made for a 
 housekeeper." It looks like that certainly, but if I
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 591 
 
 could ever discover what I was made for, the matter 
 would wear a most hopeful aspect. 
 
 You don t shock me with your talk, for I don t 
 believe you. You are peddling around ankle-deep in 
 ignorance, and think it is clear sightedness, and I 
 wish you would stop talking as if I were an innocent 
 Hottentot. Innocence and ignorance are very pretty, 
 and for some reasons very desirable. If one could 
 really do nothing to repress wickedness I think one 
 would at least be far happier for not knowing that 
 wickedness existed. But it would be absurd, as well 
 as false, for a woman of my age to pretend not to 
 know that the heart is deceitful above all things, and 
 desperately wicked. 
 
 I will tell you something. Do you know that 
 
 some time ago wrote an infamous article in the " Con- 
 gregationalist." Then one of my storms came on. 
 I stood it as long as I could, and then I rose up and 
 
 skinned . Mr. F. would none of it, and Mrs. F. 
 
 implored me not to print it, and said, or intimated, 
 that it would injure me in the estimation of good 
 men. I was prepared for the coarseness of bad men, 
 but I confess I had not thought of the good ones. 
 Mud is not becoming as a general thing, nor agreea 
 ble, nor to be desired as a cosmetic, but if I saw a 
 woman struggling in slime, and a man in a black coat 
 and white cravat thrusting her in deeper, and if it 
 seemed to me that I could help her out I should 
 plunge in and do it, nor do I think I should be really 
 assoiled, for I did not dabble in the mud from 
 choice, but because it was mud, not rose-water, in 
 which a soul was sinking. What would make me 
 forever to myself unclean would be the thought that 
 through fear I had withheld my hand when it found
 
 592 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 something to do. But I will hold the regard of no 
 man or woman on the tenure of a false supposition. 
 I will tell you a bit of a story about myself. I don t 
 profess to be very good, you know I don t, and 
 that is one thing that troubles me. I never meant to 
 be known personally. I never wanted to have any 
 woman behind the writer, but it got out, and I work at 
 a disadvantage. So when I write about the goodness 
 and gentleness, etc., of women, it might seem to be a 
 sort of setting up of myself as one of them, but it 
 isn t. I leave myself entirely out of the account. I 
 am not like women. My life has been in such manny 
 style that I have manny ways. Well, as I was going 
 to say, a long while ago I could not have been 
 more than seventeen or eighteen, and in all knowl 
 edge of the world, from simple lack of seeing the 
 world, I was younger at seventeen than most girls 
 are at fifteen I went a journey, and was put under 
 the care of a man whose position and office were 
 enough to guarantee his good character or ought 
 to have been. He never spoke a disrespectful word 
 to me, nor showed anything but a constant care for 
 my comfort, anything that I could lay hold of. I 
 was to go with him, and return with him, but there 
 was something about him, or in him, so inmostly re 
 pugnant to me that, without saying any syllable to 
 any of my friends there, I managed to evade him on 
 my return. It came so near that at the last go-off 
 I saw him come looking through the train for me, and 
 I held my head down on the seat before me, and 
 somehow disguised myself so that he did not find 
 me, and I came away alone. I have never heard 
 anything in particular of him since, till on my journey 
 last fall I heard in the most casual manner that he
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 593 
 
 had quietly been turned out of his office and set aside 
 generally for I don t know exactly what, but some 
 immoralities. Now don t think me setting up for im- 
 maculateness or anything of the sort, but I am not 
 quite so bad as I should have been if after sensing, 
 as the old people say, his character I had worked him 
 a pair of slippers. I am glad, at any rate, that my 
 instinct there was a healthy one. It was no mani 
 festation to me, you see, that repelled me, but only 
 the general aroma of his character. He was three 
 times at least as old as I, and I say that if Myrtle 
 had been the girl the author would have us believe 
 her, her instinct would have told her about the man 
 without the clumsy intervention of the old Mr. What s- 
 his-name. His little low transient surface attrac 
 tions are no more worthy of the name of love no 
 not so much as the love of my hen for her chickens ; 
 of a passion that holds the soul, fires and fuses the 
 whole being, and gives a man power over heaven 
 and earth, he is as ignorant as the beasts that perish, 
 and it is an indignity to give to his weak and hateful 
 emotion the holy names. 
 
 Where are my chickens gone to? Over to Allen s 
 swamp where the hawk s young barbarians are all at 
 play, where admitted to that equal sky their pap and 
 dough shall bear them company. My hens beat yours, 
 for six of them lay six eggs a day, if I don t bring 
 them in every day. I enjoy your children, and to 
 see you taking such care of them and wanting to do 
 so much for them. You have such opportunity to do 
 everything for them, to make their life, as it were, to 
 give them somebody on whom they can always lean 
 and to wliom they can always come. It is the next 
 thing to God in this world. It is certainly God-like,
 
 594 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 giving everything and claiming nothing. There is no 
 use in trying to adjure your life. You can only take 
 what comes. The only thing of importance is to be 
 as good as you can be. It won t be anything to 
 boast of, after all, but there is nothing else. My 
 hair I cut because I wanted to do something, and 
 it always amuses me to cut my hair. I only cut 
 it about a hand long, or a hand short, which is it? 
 or handsome, which is better still. 
 
 JUNE 17, 1867. 
 
 Just as we were sitting down to dinner the bell 
 rang, and Professor and Mrs. Stowc appeared at the 
 door. They had ridden from Andover to Georgetown, 
 and from G. here, and were to go back to G. to din 
 ner at five. They stayed till near four o clock. The 
 first half hour I did not like her. After she came out 
 to her lunch she glowed up and was very simple, 
 natural, agreeable, and entertaining. About half an 
 hour before she went away she gave out again and 
 was silent, but I understood it and did not mind. He 
 rallied her and declared she had not come up to his 
 expectations. She told me coming out that the fact 
 was she had talked just as much as she could, but of 
 course as she had come twenty-five miles she was 
 tired. She is plain at first sight, but not after five 
 minutes. Her face is very attractive and her smile 
 charming and sometimes very expressive. When she 
 was silent it said a great deal. She said Professor 
 Stowe was gone to Canada before she got home from 
 Florida and she had not seen the critter since Febru 
 ary. They are not going to sell their Hartford house, 
 but only going to Florida, winters. She says he has 
 beeu round at a great rate trading on female sensibili-
 
 BUSY YP:ARS IN HAMILTON 595 
 
 ties over going to Florida, and making people think 
 he was the most abused man in the world. They are 
 evidently very happy together. 
 
 JULY 9, 1867. 
 
 MY BEAR MR. WOOD : I should think it was high 
 time for you to leave Washington ; with typhoid fever 
 taking on an epidemic form, and the summer heats 
 raging their fiercest, the sooner you get out of reach 
 of both the better. It is very sad to think of Marcel- 
 lus happy young wife leaving her new home and new 
 life so soon. One feels that it is unnatural, that she 
 was in some sort wrenched away from it, but perhaps 
 now she looks down on us with infinitely greater pity 
 than we look back on her. 
 
 Must, however, may be too strong a word for 
 anything that refers to self-knowledge ; neither society 
 nor travel, nor education gives us that, perhaps hardly 
 Christianity, at least not the infinitesimal doses we 
 administer to ourselves. 
 
 I have been doing nothing in particular but a good 
 many things in general watching seeds that never 
 come up, and pulling weeds that never stay down, 
 going and coming and keeping the wheel in such 
 motion as I can command, but through all, I remem 
 ber that it is summer and that summer is little enough 
 time to rest, and short to enjoy, so I take the benefit 
 of it in every direction, and lounge and loll and idle 
 in a way that would terrify an energetic Yankee, but 
 /don t care. 
 
 [LETTER No. 2.] 
 
 FRIDAY. 
 
 I have brought my letter home from the P.O. to 
 tell you that I found there from what mysterious
 
 596 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 source I know not your letter, sent ine from Boston, 
 and looking as if the rats had paid their respects to 
 it, and oh, my ! what a letter it is when you come to 
 read it over in your sober senses ! You are as brave 
 as Don Quixote, but you fight only windmills. I 
 question the good taste and even the right ordinarily 
 of doctoring hymns. But as for the doctrine and the 
 policy of the two lines you quote " When God him 
 self comes down to die," and " When Christ the Lord 
 comes down to die," there is no comparison to be 
 made. The first is uuscriptural and brusque. To 
 the best of my belief and recollection it is always 
 told us in the Bible that Christ died on the cross. I 
 nowhere remember an assertion that God died on the 
 cross, and such an assertion seems to me harsh and 
 unwarranted. But then I make no pretensions to 
 courage. Moreover, it seems to me little short of 
 absurd your connecting poverty with Orthodoxy 
 yours or another s and wealth with heresy. What 
 did your Orthodoxy have to do with your fifty cents 
 a da} in New York? And where, pray, do you find 
 the people who become pallid in the presence of the 
 superfine Boston Unitarians? In your own brain 
 alone. I never heard anything more ridiculous and 
 baseless than this notion you have got up about rec 
 reancy and cowardice, excepting always Don Quixote 
 and the windmill ! So far from the question being 
 passed by, the one question which at this moment 
 more than any other occupies the theological world 
 is : " What think ye of Christ? " 1 
 
 So also in your resolution of the Woman s Rights 
 problem, you and the printed slip wherewithal you 
 buttress yourself are alike wrong, and I might ul- 
 
 1 Title of a little book by G. H., then just published.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 597 
 
 most say alike slanderous, only you do not give me 
 the concrete premises from which you draw your 
 conclusions. So I can realiy vouch for nothing ex 
 cept th it they are wholly and offensively wrong. But 
 the printed slip gives its premises outright, so I can 
 see at a glance the unreason and unrighteousness of 
 its conclusions ; and let me tell you in all seriousness 
 that I would ten thousand times rather stand with the 
 Boston women, with their Liberal Christianity, Woman 
 Suffrage, and all, than with the most rigid orthodox 
 men, who see in their advocacy of a great cause only 
 the upholding of " the free play of the passional ten 
 dencies of men and women unrestrained." 
 
 AUGUST 2. 
 
 We went to Beverly in first train, and from there 
 with S. and C. in their carriage to West Beach to 
 field- meeting. We enjoyed the beach and the drive, 
 but the weather was dull and the meeting not bright, 
 and there were too many people staring for my pleas 
 ure. The most amusing thing was a stranger step 
 ping up to Stanwood and pointing out Gail Hamilton 
 to him. 
 
 HARTFORD, CONN., 
 MONDAY, August 19, 1867. 
 
 Professor Stowe was at the station to take me home 
 in state. It is a lovely place here in the midst of the 
 woods, with a river close by, and little flower plats 
 all about, and winding roads windows ;ind doors 
 opening into the woods on all sides. Hartford grows 
 more and more beautiful every year. I went to 
 church with Mrs. Stowe in the morning. Professor 
 Stowe was to preach, but he was prevented by illness.
 
 598 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 He has not been very well for a week, Charles Beecher, 
 of Georgetown, is here and preached in his place. 
 Lilly Gillette and her husband came down this morn 
 ing ; also the Hookers, who have invited us all up 
 there this evening. Mrs. Stowe wants to invite 
 everybody here to-morrow evening, but I advise 
 against it. Charley Stowe is home from sea, brown 
 and healthy, and a well-behaved, bright young fellow. 
 He thinks he shall not go to sea any more says 
 there is no money to be made by it, and thinks he 
 shall study. The twins are at Stockbridge with their 
 married sister, which Mrs. Stowe regrets. Mrs. 
 Stowe says she thinks I should like them, and that 
 they would like me. My room is on the lower floor, 
 with a bath-room opening out of it. Mr. Stowe s 
 study is on the top of the house, like Hawthorne s, 
 the crow s nest, Mi s. Stowe calls it. There is a little 
 flower-room, with a fountain, etc., in the centre of 
 the house, and the dining-room, parlor, etc., open into 
 it. My blue silk came out unspotted. I don t think 
 the rain got inside my trunk at all, but there was lots 
 of it. All along the railroad there were drowned 
 fields great trees standing up to their knees in 
 water ; fences just visible above the water, and the 
 tops of potato rows appearing. As things look now 
 I ought to have had ten new dresses instead of one, 
 and stay a month ; but I shall go home the first of 
 the week anyway, especially if I am not let alone. 
 Mr. Stowe said yesterday that if I went to church 
 everybody would see me and come, but I saw very 
 few that I know. Of course, my own friends I want 
 to see, but I don t want a lot of people who are 
 simply curious.
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 599 
 
 SEPTEMBER 5. 
 
 I went to Gilmanton, N.H., first. It rained be 
 fore I started, and liked it so much that it kept at it 
 all that day, and the next I wanted to go to Canter 
 bury to see the Shakers, but the clouds shook so that 
 it was impracticable. Then I started for Hartford, 
 and had to change cars every other minute or so till 
 I got into the Boston and New York express train, 
 when I gave over mutation and settled down to rid 
 ing, and got carried off towards Albany for my pains. 
 Then I got out at Westfield, marked well her bul 
 warks, did not like the look of her for Sunday, went 
 back to Springfield, had to stay in the station there 
 from about eight till midnight, and then went to 
 Hartford to the Allyn House, and in the morning 
 drove out in silken state to Nook Farm and took Mrs. 
 Stowe to church with me. Was not that dispatching 
 business? They live in a lovely place. 
 
 I did not see the Stowe girls at all. I saw their 
 portraits painted, and I saw the picture of the long- 
 ago-drowned son, and if there is any truth in faces, 
 that is the face of a fun-loving, pure-hearted boy. 
 Charley Stowe was at home all the time I was there 
 an honest, affectionate, well-mannered boy that 
 anybody might be glad to be father and mother 
 of. 
 
 I was a Nook Farmer when I used to be in Hart 
 ford, but it grows more and more lovely every year. 
 Still, my dear, happiness does not lie in fine houses 
 and trees, for Professor Stowe has a constitutional 
 melancholy which all his fair surroundings cannot re 
 move, and the charming house set in its snuggery 
 of trees, with the river rippling close by, sung to by 
 birds, and watched over by all the guardian angels of
 
 600 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 nature would be sold to-morrow could a fit pur 
 chaser be found. 
 
 Well, then I went to Meriden and stayed a day or 
 two, and then back to Hartford to the Gillettes, 
 original Nook Farmers, and I saw all my friends, or 
 a good many of them, and heard of one who was in 
 Hartford when I was there, and I was very fond of 
 him, and he was not hostile to me, and he has left 
 Hartford a few weeks ago with his name tar 
 nished and his hopes broken ; nevertheless, I believe 
 in him all the same. Imprudent and extravagant and 
 impracticable, I dare say he has been, for it was like 
 him, but dishonorable in intent it is impossible he 
 should have been. I have had my hair cut short, and 
 such a forlorn, shaven monkey you never saw. 1 
 enjoyed my Hartford episode much. It is sort of 
 delightful to do things once in a while. I didn t do 
 anything, only was done to. Since I got home I 
 have been as busy as swarms of bees, and shall be, 
 I suppose, as long as I live in health, at least. 
 
 [To HER SISTER.] 
 
 Professor Stowe writes deploring Florida and the 
 association with niggers, alligators, and fleas instead 
 of me ! but says his identification with his wife has 
 only increased his admiration and love of her; and 
 when she says her health and happiness depend on 
 it, what can he do? 
 
 OCTOBKK, 1867. 
 
 My lovely silk poplin that I have just had made 
 over, short and gored, sack and jacket and velvet 
 trimmings, I wore to church yesterday, and a friend
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON (J01 
 
 invited me to drive home with her and I did not want 
 to, vet thought it would be a friendly thing to do, so 
 I did it, and in consequence daubed my lovely gored 
 blue short velvet silk poplin all over with wheel 
 grease. Now tell P., and ask her if she knows any 
 thing that is death to wheel grease and innocuous to 
 silk poplins gored, azure, and lovely. You are 
 always crying up P., especially as executive and 
 efficient. Now, anybody can execute butter and such 
 things, but if she can churn joy out of wheel-grease, 
 or wheel-grease out of poplin, let her now speak or 
 else hereafter forever hold your peace. My sister-in- 
 law is here, and has stuffed this house chuck full of 
 pickles and piccalilli and shirley sauce and grape 
 preserves and peaches and things. They squeeze out 
 of every crack between the boards, and to-morrow 
 she is going to make some fruit-cake to eat with them, 
 and the apples are picked, and going out to play 
 croquet, we are, with clear consciences, and balls 
 and mullets, of course. Dickens is coming, and 
 Newburyport wants him for an evening, and offers, 
 through me, three hundred dollars, and we are all 
 snubbed, together with the announcement that every 
 American evening will roll him in from fifteen hun 
 dred to two thousand American notes for his par 
 ticular circulation. Last week my last uncle died, a 
 good and beloved man, eighty- four years old, who 
 had suffered for forty years from an excruciating 
 neuralgia, full of humor and fun and goodness, 
 and I think Heaven must be perfectly heavenly to 
 him. Now, do you suppose he has seen my grand 
 father, and does my uncle who was lost overboard at 
 sea, in the night, fifty years ago, remember him and 
 care for him? And I wonder if my droll, witty aunt,
 
 602 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 who died two years ago, met him with some celestial 
 knitting-work in her hand, and the} 7 are just now 
 sitting down on some shady seat and hearing and 
 telling all that has befallen. 
 
 That soldier that wrote me from Chickamauga, you 
 remember, did I tell you he has cropped out since he 
 found himself in print, and has sent me the books 
 which went to the war with him, and a sketch-book 
 that he drew of himself in Libby Prison? He is an 
 editor in Cleveland now. Do you know how small 
 your faith is? Because W. has got through the woods 
 with $1,500 a year in his pocket and offers to help D. 
 you think God is very good to give us children, but 
 if one were curious I think one could cull from past 
 letters of yours very grave doubts on the subject. 
 Just as far as you can see your hand before you you 
 believe in your hand, but if you can t see, why. there 
 is an end of all wisdom under the sun. You don t 
 seem to see anything before you but spectacles and 
 roomatiz. Don t the same things lie before me, and 
 ten times worse, inasmuch as I shall have nobody to 
 hunt up my spectacles for me, or to make me hot 
 lemonade and red flannel bandages for my sorrow 
 and isn t everybody else coming to the same body of 
 death? For my part, life astonishes me every day as 
 a curious phenomenon. I look back upon my past 
 little self as a bug-man might look upon a new bug, 
 and I see the school-children go by and it amazes me. 
 And I fancy how they will, by and by, read my name 
 on a white marble slab with no more conception that 
 I was a human being than if I were the marble slab 
 itself. But as they grow up, and grow old themselves, 
 they will gradually grow into the knowledge of me. 
 Do you know we don t seem to be really born the first
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 603 
 
 twenty years or so. We keep getting deeper and 
 deeper into life till I reckon we plunge through on the 
 other side. Harriet Prescott s baby was very bright 
 and interesting. How nonsensically you talked about 
 my busy-ness that it was all useless because I had 
 my daily bread secure without it ! Is that what people 
 work for their daily bread? Does man live by 
 bread alone, I should like to know? Is there nothing 
 to do in the world but to repair the waste of tissue ? 
 And because one can do but little shall one take a 
 lazy hand to that? 
 
 You need not trouble yourself as to whether there 
 are going to be any women folks among the angels. 
 Unless you change some of your views speedily the 
 prospect is too remote of its ever being a personal 
 matter with you to m:ike it worth engaging your seri 
 ous attention. 
 
 Your mother and your brother are not a fair speci 
 men of Heaven, though they are your relations. Sup 
 pose, instead of being eighty, and in Chester, they had 
 been just born in Heaven, one of them, and the other 
 say twenty years old there would not they have had 
 enough to talk about, and would not they have been 
 full besides of plans for the new life might I mean? 
 Why does any one want to make an excuse for a 
 second marriage ? If the victim of it is satisfied I 
 cannot see that it is any one else s affair ! That is 
 the way with Bayard Taylor and who else was it? a 
 little while ago. I say let it all alone. It concerns 
 only one man and one woman. You may say any 
 thing you like of second marriages in general, but of 
 any one marriage in particular the public know and 
 need know next to nothing, and I don t suppose the 
 relations of this life are to be arbitrarily and rigidly
 
 604 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 reproduced or prolonged in Heaven. But they are to 
 be refined and so renewed. If a woman has married 
 the wrong man here I do not believe she is going to 
 be his wife through all eternity unless, perhaps, he has 
 really the root of the matter in him, and by a course 
 of treatment turns out to be the right man after all. 
 Professor Stowe says that Lady Byron, notwithstand 
 ing her husband s unspeakable atrocity towards her, 
 always believed there was the germ of good in him, 
 and that he will one day be restored to her in all his 
 ideal sweetness. But if a man and a woman have 
 begun in this world that good work upon each other 
 which a complete love cannot fail to do, do you sup 
 pose Death will be suffered to cut it short ? / don t. 
 Like will seek like there as here, and hold it all the 
 longer and stronger. 
 
 My poplin followed your advice and let the wheel- 
 grease be but my sister tucked it in out of sight, so 
 you won t see it when you come down, except in the 
 suavity of my manners. 
 
 I am going next Friday, D.V., to see the Confer 
 ence turn and rend and devour one another over Mr. 
 Charles Beecher, a devout person, and one that fears 
 God continually, so far as I can judge. I wish you 
 would be in my Sunday-school class, or I wish you 
 would have a Sunday-school class and me in it. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 OCTOBER 18, 1867. 
 
 I will not say that you do not sometimes in your 
 letters offend my taste, but I dare say you could em 
 ploy the same negatives with regard to mine. In fact, 
 I suppose there are few persons of positive taste and
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON (J05 
 
 character who do not occasionally run against each 
 other s positivisms. But in a world like this, if we 
 cut off all communication with those who do not in 
 every respect suit us our circle would be exceedingly 
 limited. 
 
 " Wool Gathering " is of course a good book, and 
 it is well you have read it, but when you and the saints 
 get into the next world, I fancy you will have some 
 thing better to do than to pore such books, even if 
 all Europe is in them. I do not have so strong an 
 expectation or desire of going to Europe as I used to 
 have, and if I went I fancy I should write no book. 
 The associations would be too overpowering. By the 
 way, there was a " Wool Gathering " on my shelf for 
 you. But when it came you had left Washington, 
 and when you were here, it slipped out of my brain- 
 shelf, and so you slipped away without it. Now it 
 has slipped into other hands, and if you are as disin 
 terested as you pretend to be you will rejoice in your 
 loss, which proved to be another s gain. 
 
 DECEMBER 6. 
 
 We all agree that you will never have paralysis. 
 People that have it suspect it not beforehand. " No 
 thing happens but the unexpected." Your heaviness 
 was but a mood, not lightened, indeed, by thoughts 
 on purgatory ! 
 
 My brother and his family are with us from Min 
 nesota this winter, and the family wheels move on 
 without armed intervention from me ; so I take little 
 jaunts into space, having fortified myself previous!} 
 with a silk and velvet suit which ou^ht to answer 
 
 ~ 
 
 even your ideas of magnificence, and which on a 
 more stately figure would be magnificent.
 
 606 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 Salem has a new history for me since I read Mr. 
 Upham s book on witchcraft. What a pretty hand 
 writing is that of your Margaret Dalryrnple ! All 
 the old chieftains come down from their heights to 
 meet and greet this bonnie lass of theirs, and she 
 lives quietly in Salem. We have sent away our little 
 hand-maiden. She was a quiet-mannered puss, but 
 otherwise unavailable, very fond of reading and 
 playing, but with a deeply-rooted aversion to all man 
 ner of handicraft, and totally depraved on the subject 
 of thoroughness. If you know any philanthropist who 
 would like to adopt a heathen and turn her into a 
 Christian, and so do good missionary work at home 
 I can point out to him a tine field of labor. 
 
 Did I tell you that I was at the Conference which 
 undid its own work two years ago about Charles 
 Beecher? The old stand-bys were there Dr. - 
 
 with his gray, abundant hair, and Elder bald, 
 
 but stately. But nothing availed, and Charles Beecher 
 stands again among the brethren. I am glad, because 
 he seems to me too good to be outcast from any church 
 fraternity. I think him a good man, and none the 
 less so for being possibly a little bewildered. In 
 fact, I suspect our certainty springs very largely from 
 our want of thought from ignorance rather than 
 from knowledge. 
 
 I heard Charles Dickens read the other night. It 
 is difficult to detach the reader from the writer, but 
 both together are absorbing. My eyes ached all next 
 day from the intensity of my gazing. I do not think 
 his voice naturally particularly fine, but he uses it 
 with great effect. He has wonderful dramatic power 
 a command over his face which recalls the old 
 stories of Garrick. He reproduces, recreates almost
 
 BUSY YEARS IN HAMILTON 607 
 
 the characters with whom his pen has m:ule you 
 familiar. I like him better than any public reader I 
 have ever before heard. He has less mouthing and 
 unuaturaluess. There is much disappointment in this 
 vicinity owing to inability to hear him. I sometimes 
 think he will have caused far more trouble than 
 pleasure by his visit. And on the whole, is it not 
 yet a question whether life is not like Charles Dickens 
 visit. 
 
 [To MR. WOOD.] 
 
 DECEMBER 30, 1867. 
 
 On Saturday a wooden box was dumped on our 
 piazza, and the wooden box, on urgent solicitation, 
 delivered up a brown-paper package, and the brown 
 package disclosed a leather case royally cushioned 
 with satin and velvet of imperial purple whereon re 
 posed a lovely quartette of silver stuff, not untouched 
 with gold. And on each piece the eye delighted to 
 trace my monogram ; but on one piece, more preten 
 tious than the rest, we thought we discerned a G. W. T. 
 to, etc., or G. T. W. Certainly there is a G. plain, 
 and then there is an intertwining which may be a W. 
 alone, or a T. alone, but looks most like a combina 
 tion of the two. I will treat you the next time you 
 come here to a cup of tea such as never was dreamed 
 of from my gold and silver store Whoever sent it, 
 it is the sweetest little thing you ever saw. Now we 
 are on tlie theme of gifts, I must tell you that \\ hit- 
 tier sent me his illustrated " Snow Bound," which is a 
 charming work of art. In my bumble opinion " the 
 illustrations are far finer than those of Maud Muller 
 last year. Also another friend sent me an exquisite 
 painting a bouquet of wild flowers, with every-
 
 G08 GAIL HAMILTON S LIFE IN LETTERS 
 
 tiling but fragrance, a delight to me whenever I look 
 at them. A liltle enamelled and illustrated needle- 
 case is a thing of which you have no conception, nor 
 is it necessary you shall have, nor of the other little 
 trinkets which helped me to rejoice in the general 
 jubilation. We trimmed our rooms with evergreen, 
 and you don t know how snug and bowery they look. 
 We shall keep it on as long as it will keep green. 
 Our turkey was so glorious in his strength that it has 
 taken us ever since to eat him up, and he is not gone 
 yet ! See the grandeur of New England poultry ! 
 
 I went to see Nelly O Couner at her sister s, and 
 saw her and her sister and the seventeen little girls 
 that revolve around them, and had an extremely 
 pleasant visit for a little while. Mrs. O Connor is so 
 placidly young, and fresh, and lady-like, that one 
 never tires of her. 
 
 Let me tell you fairly that when "Woman s 
 Wrongs " are revealed to the light of day I don t 
 intend to send you a copy. It is a book which you 
 have no call to read and no occasion to possess, and 
 may have a bad effect upon your unformed mind ; so 
 whenever you feel an impulse to read it, you may sit 
 down to Thomas a Kempis, or some other safe work, 
 till the fit is over. You may be sure Nelly and I 
 pulled you to pieces well between us, and if either of 
 your ears burned about that time you may know the 
 reason why.
 
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