A = Al \n 1 = ■^^^" m m 5m -^ O 6 = ^== ^ ?^ CXI n =^ U — H = >> 8^ — < 7 E PLAYS OF ARTHUR W. PINERO VOLUUK XXV MIKD THE PAINT- A COMEVY In Four Acts By ARTHUR PINERO Trice 2i6, or in doth 316 LONDON: WILLIAM HEiNEMANS LTD. THE PL A YS OF ARTHUR PINERO Cloth 38. 6d. net each ; pap«r coven 2i. 6d. net each. LBTTY IRIS THB TIMES TMB PkOFLIQATE THE CABINET MINISTER THE HOBBY nORSB LADY BOUNTIFUL The MAOrSTRATB PANMY DICK tWEET LAVENDER THP SCHOOLMISTRESS WEAKER SEX IB AMAZONS OAY LORD QUBX NOTORIOUS MRS. 3BBSMITH MID-CHANNEL THE BENEFIT OP TWB DOUBT THE PRINCESS AND THB BUTTERFLY TRBLAWNY OP THB " WELLS' • THB SECOND MRS. TAN- QUBRAY A WIPB WITHOUT A SMILB HIS HOUSE IN ORDUR THB THUNDERBOLT PRESERVINQ MR. PAN- MURE THB "MIND THB PAINT" QIRL THB BIO DRUM THE FREAKS THE ENCHANTED COTTAQE THE PL A YS OF HENRIK IBSEN Uniform Library Edition. In H Vols. William Archer. 6^. net each. Vol. I. LADY INQBR, THE FEAST AT SOLHOUQ, LOVB'S COMEDY Vql. II. THB VIKINQS, THE PRETENDERS Vol. III. BRAND. Vol. IV. PEER OYNT Vol. V. EMPEROR AND GALILEAN (2 Parts) Vol. VI. THB LEAGUE OP YOUTH. PILLARS OP SOCIETY Edited afld Translated chtefir by Vol. VII. A DOLL'S HOUSE. GHOSTS Vol.VIII. AN ENEMY OPTME PEOPLE. THE WILD DUCK Vol. IX. ROSMERSHOLM, THE LADY PROM THB SEA Vol. X. HEDDA QABLBR. THE MASTER BUILDER Vol. XI, LITTLE EYOLF, JOHN QABRIBL BORK- MAN, WHEN WB DEAD AWAKEN THE PLA YS OF W. S. MA UOHAM Paper boards, 3s. 6d. net ; paper, A MAN OP HONOUR JACK STRAW THE EXPLORER SMITH THB TENTH MAN THE LAND OF PROMISE THB CIRCLE HOMB AND BEAUTY OUR BETTERS 2s. 6d. net. LADY FREDERICK PENELOPE MRS. DOT LANDED GENTRY THE UNKNOWN (Paper only CAESAR'S WIFE EAST OF SUEZ THE UNATTAINABLE LOAVES AND FISHES THE PLA YS OF HUBERT HENRY DA VIES LADY EPP.INO'S LAWSUIT | THB MOLLUSC A SINGLE MAN London: WILLIAM HEINEMAKN LTD., 21, Bedford St., W.C. 2. J THE '' MID^ THE T^IU^" THE PLAYS OF ARTHUR W. PINERO Paper cover, is 6d ; cloth, 2S 6d each TNE TIMES THE PROFLIGATE THE CABINET MINISTER THE HOBBY-HORSE LADY BOUNTIFUL THE MAGISTRATE DANDY DICK SWEET LA VENDER THE SCHOOLMISTRESS THE WEAKER SEX THE AMAZONS ''THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT THE PRINCESS AND THE BUTTERFLY ' TRELA WNY OF THE " WELLS" ■\THE GAY LORD QUEX ■ IRIS LETTY A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE HIS HOUSE IN ORDER THE THUNDERBOLT MID-CHANNEL PRESERVING MR. PANMURE THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL * This Play can he had in library form, 410, cloth with a portrait, 5s. + A Limited Edition of this play on hand-made paper, with a new portrait, los net. THE PINERO BIRTHDAY' BOOK Selected and Arranged by MYRA HAMILTON With a Portrait, cloth extra, price 2s 6d. LOAVO.V: IVILL/AM HEINEMANN A COMEDY In Four tActs BY ARTHUR PINERO LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN MCMXlll Copyright 1 91 2 iy Anhtir Tiiierc This play was produced in London, at the Duke of York's Theatre, on Saturday, Feb- ruary 17, 1912,- in Nexo York, at the Xew Lyceum Theatre, on Monday, Septemher 9, 1912 ; and, in Germany, at the Stadttheater ill Mainz, on Monday, January 13, 1913 THE TERSONS OF THE TLJT A'lSCOUNT Farxcombe Colonel the Hon. Arthur Stidclph Baron von Rettenmayer Captain Nicholas Jetes Lionel Roper Sam de Castro Herbert Fllkerson Stewart Heneage Gerald GRiMwoon Carlton Smytiie ( .^^||Hflffer of the Pandora Theatre) Douglas Glynn, Albert Palk,-v Wilfrid Tavish, and \ (Actors at the Pandora) SiGisMTND Shirley' -^ Vincent Uland ( A Musical Composer, attached to the Pandora) Morris Cooling (liusiness Manager at the Pandora) LuiGl (Mattre d'Uotel at Catani's Ilestatirant) AVaiters The Hon. Mrs. Arthur Stidulph (Formerly, as Dolhj Ensor,ofthe Pandora Theatre) Lily Parradell ^ JiMMIE lilRCH Gabrielle Kato Enid Moncrieff Daphne Dure Nita Trevenna Flo Connify Sybil Dermott Olga Cook Evangeline Ventris Mrs. Up.iohn (Lily Parradell's mother) Gi-adys (Lily's jiarlonrmaid) Maud (Lily's nudd) The action of the piece takes place in London — at LiLV Parradell's house in Btoomshury, in the foyer of the Pandora Theatre, and again at Lily's house. The curtain icill be lowered for a feio moments in the course of the Second Act. ' (Of the Pandora) The following advertisements are to ajipear conspicuously in the programme. MIND THE PAINT (the complete song), words by D'Arcy "VVingate, music by Vincent Bland, as originally sung by Miss Lily Paeradell at tlie Pandora Theatre in the Musical Play of " The Duchess of Brixton," may be obtained from Messrs. Church and Co. (Ltd.). Music Publishers, 181 New Bond Street. After the Theatre. Catani's Restaurant, 459 Strand. Best cuisine in London. Milanese Band. Private Rooms. Urbano Catani, Sole Proprietor. Tel. : 10,337 Gerrard. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL THE FIRST ACT The scene is a draiv'mg-room, prettily hut somewhat showily decorated. The loalls are papered ivith a design I'epresentiny large clusters of lohite and purple lilac. The furniture is covered with a chintz of similar pattern, and the curtains, carjyet, and lamp-shades correspond. In the v^all facing the spectator are two windows, and midway betioeen the windows there is the entrance to a conservatory. The conservatory, which is seen beyond, is of the kind that is built out over the portico of a front-door, and is plenti- fully stocked tvithfowers and hung with a velarium and green sun-blinds. In the right-hand wall there is another toindow and, nearer the spectator, a console-table supporting a high mirror ; and in the wall on the left, opposite the console-table, tJiere is a double-door opening into the room, the further half of which only is used. In the entrance to the conservatory, to the right, there is a low, oblong tea-table at luhich are placed three small chairs ; and near-by, on the left, are a I A THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL grand-piano and a music-stool. Against the 2nano there is a settee, arid on the extreme left, below the door, there is an arm-chair with a little round table beside it. At the right-hand window in the loall at the back is another settee, and facing this window and settee there is a smaller arm- chair. Not far from the fire-place there is a writing- table loith a telejihone-instrwinent tipon it. A chair stands at the writing-table, its back to the window in the ivall on the right ; and in froiH of the table, ojjjjosing the settee by the 2}icino, there is a third settee. On the left of this settee, almost in the middle of the room, is an arm-chair ; and closer to the settee, on its right, are two more arm- cJiairs. Other articles of furniture — a cabinet, '■^occasional " chairs, etc., etc. — occupy spaces against the ivalls. On the piano, on the console-table a7id cabinet, on the settee at the back, on the round table, and upon the floor, stand huge baskets of flowers, and other handsome floral devices in various forms, xoith cards attached to them ; and lying higgledy- piggledy upon the writing-table are a heap of small p)ackages, several little cases containing jewellery, and a litter of jxtjjer and string. The jyackages and the cases of jewellery are also accompanied by cards or letters. A fierce sunlight streams down upon the velarium, and through the green blinds, in the conservatory. [iVo^e; Throughout, ^^ right" and ^^ left" are the spectators' right and left, not the actor s?\ [Lord Farxcombe, his gloves in his hand, is THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 3 seated in the arm-chair in the middle of the room. He is a simple-mannered, immacu- lately dressed youmj man in his early twenties, his bearing andj appearance sug- gesting the soldier. lie rises expectantly as Gladys, a flashy parlourmaid in a uniform, shows ill LioxEL Roper, a middle-aged individual of the type of the seconds-class City man. Roper. \_To Farncombe.] Hul-lo! I'm in luck! Just the chap I'm hunting for. [Shaking hands xoith Ykvcs- COMBE.] How d'ye do, Lord Farncombe ? Farncombe. How are you, Roper ? Gladys. \To Roper, languidly ?[ Ill tell Mrs. Upjohn you're hei'e. Roper. Ta. [Gladys withdraws.] Phew, it's hot ! Farncombe. Miss Parradell's out. Roper. [IViking off his gloves.] She won't be long. I dare say. Farnx'ombe. I've brought her a few flowers. 4 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL KoPER. Have you ? I've sent her a tritie of jewellery. Farncombe. [Glancing at the wi'iting-taUe.] She seems to have received a lot of jewellery. Roper. [Bustling across to the table.] By Jove, doesn't she ! Ah, there's my brooch ! Farncombe. [Modesthj.] I didn't consider I'd a right to offer her anything but flowers, on so slight an acquaintance. Roper. Exactly ; but I'm an old friend, you know. [Turn- ing to Farncombe.] Perhaps, by her next birthday Farncombe. [Smiling.] I hope so. Roper. [Ap2)7'oachng Farncombe and taking him by the lapel of his coat.] What I Avant to say to you is, doing anything to-night ? Farncombe. I — I shall be at the theatre. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 5 Roper. Oh, we shall all be at the theatre, to shout Many Happy Returns. Later, I mean. Farncombb. Nothing that I can't get out of. Roper. Good. Look here. Smythe is giving her a bit of supper in the foyer after the show, a dance on the stage to follow. About five-and-twenty people. 'CJll you come ? Farxcombe. If Mr. Smythe is kind enough to ask me Roper. He does ask you, through me. He's left all the arrangements to me and Morrie Cooling. Carlton never did anything in his life ; / egged him on to this. I've been sweating at it since eleven o'clock this morning. Haven't been near the City ; not near it. Well ? Farncombe. [JJis eyes gloiving.] I shall be delighted. Roper. Splendid. Been trying to get on to you all day. I've called twice at your club and at 8t. James's Place. Farncombe. Sorry you've had so much trouble. 6 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. [Dropping on to the settee in front of the writing- table and wiping his broiv.^ There'll be the Baron, Sam de Castro, Bertie Fulkerson, Stew Heneage, Jerry Grimwood, Dwarf Kennedy, Colonel and Mrt;. Stidulph — Dolly Ensor that was — and ourselves, besides Cooling and Vincent Bland and the pick o' the Company. Catani does the food and drink, I don't believe I've forgotten a single thing. [With a change of to7ie, pointing to the arm-chair in the middle of the room.] Sit down a minute. [Farncombe sits and Roper edges 7iearer to him.] Are you going to wait to see Lily this afternoon ? Farncombe. I — I should like to. Roper. Because if Jeyes should happen to drop in while you're here Farncombe. Captain Jeyes ? Roper. Nicko Jeyes — or if you knock up against him to- night at the theatre — mum about this. Farncombe. About the supper ? Roper. [JS'oddivg.] Um. We don't want Nicko Jeyes; we simply don't want him. And if he heard that you THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 7 and some of the boys are coming, he might wonder why he isn't included. Farncombe. He strikes me as being rather a surly, ill-con- ditioned person. Roper. A regular loafer. Farncombe. He appears to live at Catani's. I never go there without meeting him. Roper. Exactly. Catani's and a top, back bedroom in Jei'myn Street, and hanging about the Pandora ; that's Nicko Jeyes's life. Farncombe. lie's an old fx-iend of Mrs. Upjohn's and Miss Parradell's too. isn't he ? Roper. [jEvasiveb/.] Known 'em some time. That's it; Lily's so faithful to her old friends. Farncombe. [Smiling.] Yoit oughtn't to complain of that. RpPER. Oh, but I'm a real friend. I've always been a pati-on of the musical drama — it's my fad ; and I've kept an eye on Lily from the moment she sprang into promin- ence — [singing] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint ! " 8 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL — looked after her like a father. Uncle Lai she calls me. [^Reassuringly.'] I'm a married man, you know ; [Farncombe nods^^ but the wife has plenty to occupy her with the kids and she leaves the drama to me. She prefers Bexhill. [Leaning forioard and speaking with great earnestness.] Farncombe, what a charming creature ! Farncombe. [Innocently.] Mrs. Roper? Roper. No, no, no; Lily. [Hastily.] Oh, and so's my missus, for that matter, when she chooses. But Lily Upjohn ! Farncombe. [In a low voice.] Beautiful ; perfectly beautiful. Roper. Yes, and as good as she's beautiful ; you take it from me. [With a wave of the hand.] Well, if you see Jeyes, you won't ? Farncombe. Not a word. Roper. [Rising and walking away to the left.] I've warned the others. [Returning to Farncombe luho has also risen^ By-the-bye, if Lily should mention the supper in the course of conversation, remember, she's not in the conspiracy. Farncombe. Conspiracy ? THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 9 Roper. To shunt Nicko. We're letting her think there are to be no outsiders. Farxcombk. [Becoming slightly 2)uzzled by Roper's manii^rJ] Why, would she very much like Captain Jeyes to be asked ? Roper. [Rather impatiently. '\ Haven't I told you, ouce you're a friend of Lil's ! [Looking toioards the door.] Is this Ma? [Mrs. Upjohk enters.] Hul-lo, Ma! Mrs. Upjohn. [A j^'^dyy little, gaily dressed woman of Jive-and- fifty with a stupid, good-humoured face.] 'Ullo, Uncle ! Roper. Lord Farncombe Mrs. Upjohx. [Advancing and shaking hamds with Farncombe.] Glad to see you 'ere again. You 'at-e been befoi-e, 'aven't you ? Farncombe. Last week. Mrs. Upjohn. Of course; you came with Mr. Bertie Fulkerson. But somebody or other's always poppin' in. [Pleasantly?^ Lil sees too many, / say. It's tirin' for 'er. Won't you set \ lo THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. Lord Farncombe's brovight Lily some flowers, Ma. \To Farncombe.] Where are they ? Farncombe. \Who, after n-aiting for Mrs. Upjohn to settle herself upon the settee in front of the writing-table, sits in the chair at the end of the settee — pointing to a large basket of flowers.^ On the piano. Mrs. Upjohn. \Barehj glancing at the fov'ers.^ 'Ow kind of 'im ! Sech a waste o' money too ! They do go off so quick. Roper. [Reading the cards attachedj to the various Jloral gifts.] Where is Lil ? Mrs. Upjohx. She's settiu' to a risin' young artist in Fitzroy Street — Claude Morgan. She won't be 'ome till past five. So tirin' for 'er. ROPEU. Never heard of Morgan. Mrs. Upjohn. No, nor anybody else. That's what I tell 'er. Why waste your time givin' settin's to a lisin' young artist when the big men 'ud go down on their 'ands and knees to do you ? But that's Lil all ovei\ She's the best-natured girl in the world, and so she gets imposed on all round. THE ••MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL n Farncombe. [Gallantly.] I proi^hesy that Mr, Morgan's picture of Miss Parradell won't have dried before he's quite famous. Mrs. UrJOHX. [Turniny a pair of dull eyes full upo7i him.] '0\v do you mean ? Farncombe. [Disconcerted.] Er — I mean Mrs. Upjoiix. Why won't it 'ave dried ? Farncombe. I mean he will have become celebrated before it has dried. Mrs. Upjohn. 'Is pictures never do dry, you mean ? Roper. No, no. Ma ! Mrs. Upjohn. 'Owever, it doesn't matter. 'E i^n't even goin' to put 'er name to it. Roper. Why not ? IVIrs. Upjohn. You may well ask. 'E's bent on callin' it "The ' Mind the Paint ' Girl." 12 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. What's wrong with that ? Everybody'll recognise who that is. Mrs. Upjohn. [Unconvinced. 1^ 'Er name's printed on all 'er photos. Farncombk, The first time I had the pleasure of seeing your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Upjohn, a man next to me said, " Here comes the * Mind the Paint' girl." Mrs. Upjohn. \Cheermy uj).^ Oh, well, p'r'aps young Morgan knows 'is own business best. Let's 'ope so, at any rate. Roper. \^By the tea-table, beckoninf/ to Farncombe.] Farn- combe Farncombe. [7'o Roper.] Eh ? [To Mrs. Upjohn, rising.] Excuse me. [Farncombe joins Roper, tvheretipon Mrs. Upjohn goes to the writing-table and, seating herself there, examines the jewellery delightedly. Roper. [To Farncombe, in a vhisper.] Do me a favour. Farncombe. Certainly. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 13 KOPER. [^Looking at his watch.] It's only half-past four. Take a turn round the Square. I've some business to talk over with the old lady. Farncombk. [y^oddiny to Roper and then coming forward and addressing Mrs. Upjohn.J I — er — I think I'll go for a little walk and come back later on, if I may. Mrs. Upjohn. [Contentedly.'] Oh, jest as you like. Farxcombe. [Moving tovjards the door.'\ In about a quarter-of- an-hour. Mrs. Upjohn. If we don't see you again, I'll tell Lil you've been 'ere. Farncombe. [At the door.\ Oh, but you will ; you will see me again. Mrs. Upjohn, Well, please yourself and you please your dearest friend, as Lil's dad used to say. Farncombe. Thank you — thank you very much. [He disappears, closing the door after him. 14 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Mrs. Upjohn. [To Roper, looking up.] I b'lieve you gave that young man the 'int to go, Uncle. Roper. I did ; told him I wanted to talk business with you. Mrs. Upjohn. Business? [Resuming her inspection of the trinkets.] This is a 'andsome thing Mr. Grimwood's sent 'er. Roper. [His hands in his trouser-pockets, contemplating Mrs. Upjohn desperately.] Upon my soul, Ma, you're a champion ! Mrs. Upjohn. N'oiv wot 'ave I done ! Roper. Well, you might spread yourself a little over young Farncombe. Mrs. Upjohn. Spread myself ! Why should T ? Roper. Lord Farncombe ! Mrs. Upjohn. I treat 'em all alike ; so does Lil. 'E's not the first title we've 'ad 'ere, not by a dozen. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 15 Roper. No, but damn it all — ! I beg your pardon Mrs. Upjohn. [^Beaming.^ So you ought — swearin' like a trooper. Roper. This chap's in love with her. Mrs. Upjohn. Oh, they're all in love with 'er ; or 'ave been, one time or another. Roper. Yes, but they're not all Farncombes and they're not all marrying men, I'm prepared to bet my boots that if Lil and young Farncombe could be thrown together ! [^Sitting on tlie settee in front of the luriting -table as ^Irs. Upjohn rises and comes forward.] Here ! Do talk it over. Mrs. Upjohn. [Placidlt/.] "Where's the use o' talkin' it over ? It's wastin' one's breath. [Moving to the settee by the ])iuno.'\ My Lil doesn't want to marry — any'ow not yet awhile ; she's 'appy and contented as she is. [Sitting and smoothing out her skirt^ When she does, I s'pose it'll be the Captain. Roper. [Between his teeth.] The Captain ! [Quietli/.] Ma, the day Lil marries Nicko Jeyes. you and she'll see the last o' me. i6 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Mrs. Upjohn. Oh, don't say that, Uncle. Roper. I do say it. The disappointment 'ud be more than I could stand. Selfish, designing beggar ! Mrs. Upjohn. Now, no low abuse. Roper. A fellow who gets on the soft side of Lil before she's out of her teens — before she's made any position to speak of ; and when she has made a position, and he's practically on his uppers, sticks to her like a limpet ! Mrs. Upjohn. She sticks to 'im, too. It meant a deal to Lil in 'er 'umble days, reck'lect — receivin' attentions from a gentleman in the army. She doesn't forget that. Roper. [Jtcmpiiig up and walking ahout.^ It's cruel ; that's what it is — it's cruel. Here's Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail both married to peers' sons, and Eva Shafto to a baronet — all of 'em Pandora girls ; and Lil — she's left high and dry, engaged to a nobody ! It's cruel ! Mrs. Upjohn. She's not ackshally engaged. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 17 Roper. Ho, ho ! Mrs. Upjohn. The ideer was, when 'e shirked goin' to India an' gave up soldierin', so as to be near 'er, that 'e should get something to do in London ; t/ten they were to be engaged. lioPEi;. [>Sarcasticall>/.\ Ob, to be just, 1 admit he's in no hurry. He's been a whole year looking for something to do in London — looking for it at Catani's and at the Pandora bars ! Mrs. Upjoun. 'E '«.s to be on the spot at night, to bring Lil 'ome after 'er work. Roper. Exactly! And when a decent, eligible young chap comes along, and means business, he s choked ofl" by finding Nicko Jeyes in possession. [^Stopjnng before Mrs. Upjohn.] But, T say ! Mrs. Upjohn. Wot ? Roper. Farncomhe hasn't tumbled to it yet. Mrs. Upjohn. yndifferently.'] 'Asn't 'e ? i8 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. Bertie Fulkerson's held his tongue about it; so have the other boys who' re friends of Farncombe's. 7%ey see he's hard hit. [^Enthusiastically.'] Oh, they're good boys ; they're good, loyal boys ! There's not one of them who wouldn't throw up his hat if Nicko got the chuck. [Suddenly.] Ma ! Mrs. Upjohn. [Startled.] Hey? Roper. [Dropjnnghis voice.] This little spree to-night at the theati-e — Lil thinks it's to be merely among the members of the Company. Mrs. Upjohx. Ain't it ? Roper, [Sittiny beside Iter.] You keep quiet, now. No, it isn't. Mrs. Upjohn. 'Oo ? Roper. The boys — and Farncombe, Mrs. Upjohn. [Disturbed.] Gracious ! There'll be an awful fuss with the Captain to-morrer. Roper. [Snapping his fingers.] Pishhh ! THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 19 Mrs. XJpjOHiV. [Rising and ivalkimj aioay to the right^ 'E's so 'orribly jealous. When Lil tells 'im '00 was at the party, there'll be a frightful kick-up ! ROPEB, [Falling into despondencij.] Oh, I dare say I'm a fool for my pains, ]\[a. Nothing'll come of it. [Rising and pacing the room agaiti.l Farncombe's as shy as a school-girl ; he'd be on a desert island with a pretty woman for a month without squeezing her hand. Mrs. Upjohn. [In'an altered tone.] Uncle. Roper. Hullo ! Mrs. Upjohn. [Thonghtfulli/.] I shouldn't raise any " objection, bear in mind, if Lil could be weaned away from the Captain and took a fancy to young Farncombe. Roper. Objection ! Mrs. Upjohn. [Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table.] All said an' done, to be Lady F., with no need to work if you're not disposed to, is better than bein' Mrs. Captain Jeyes an' 'avin' to linger on the stage, p'r'aps, till you drop, to 'elp keep the jot a' boilin'. [ Opening her eyes tvidely.] Lady F. ! 20 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. [Coming to her.] And Countess of Godalming when his father dies. Mrs. Upjohn. I s'pose there'd be any amount of unpleasantness with the fam'ly ? Roper. [Disdamfully.] The family ! Mrs. Upjohn. There's generally a rumpus in sech cases. EOPER. Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that we're mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who've married Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail — Kinterton and Glenroy ; and Fawcus — Sir George Fawcus — Eva Shafto's husband ; they haven't a chin or a forehead between 'em, and their chests are as narrow as a ten-inch plank. Mrs. Upjohn. Quite true. Roper. Farncombe himself, he's inclined to be weedy. I maintain it's a grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie Harker — or Lil ; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life, with strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums and big white teeth. THE •'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 21 Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it's my belief that the Pandora girls'll be the salvation of the aristocracy in this country in the long run ! [Captain Nicholas Jeyes lounges in. He is a man of about Jive-and-thirty , already slightly grey-haired, mho has gone to seed. Roper sits in the chair in the middle of the room rather guiltily and Mrs. Upjohn puts on a propitiatory grin. Jeyes. [N'odding to Mrs. Upjohn and Roper as he closes the door.] Afternoon, Mrs. Upjohn. How'r'you, Roper ? Mrs. Upjohn. Ah, Captain ! Roper. Hullo, Nicko ! Jeyes. [A dvancing. \ Lily not in ? Mrs. Upjohn. No; she's in Fitzroy Street, settin' to Morgan. Jeyes. [Frowning.] Why didn't she ask me to go with her ? Mrs. Upjohn. Dun'no, I'm sure. She's took Miss Birch. Jeyes. [With a grunt.] Oh ? [Looking round.] Flowers. 22 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Mrs. Upjohn. 'Eaps of 'em, ain't there ? ROI'ER. [Je7'kiny his head towards the loriting -table.'] Yes, and some nice presents over here. Mrs. Upjohn. She's beat 'er record this year, Lil 'as, out an' out. [Jeyes goes to the writing-table and Roper arid Mrs. Upjohn rise a7id wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the settee hy the piario. Jeyes. [Scowling at the presents.] Very nice. [Picking np a case of jewellery.] Ve-ry nice. [Throwing the case down angrily.] Confound 'em, what the devil do they take her for ! Roper. [At tlte entrance to the conservatory.] I may remark that one of those gifts is from me, Jeyes. Jeyes. Oh, I'm not alluding to you. Roper, [Stiffly.] Much obliged. Jeyes. [Conmig forward and addressing Mrs. Upjohn.] THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 23 I've called in to ask Lily whether she'll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani's, to celebrate her birthday. Luigi's decoiating a table foi- me specially. Mr, and Mrs. Linthornell come, and Jack Wethered. [To Roper.] Are you free. Roper ? [Mrs. Upjohn sits uneasily on the settee hy thepiaiio and B,opek Jinds some object to interest him near the tea-table.] I suppose it's no good asking you, Mrs. Upjohn ? Mrs. Upjohn. N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-I-I'm afraid Jeyes. Afraid ? Mrs. Upjohn. I'm afraid Lil can't manage it either. Jeyes. Why not ? Mrs. Upjohn. I — I'm surprised she didn't mention it to you 'erself when you brought 'er 'ome last night. Jeyes. Mention what ? Mrs. Upjohn. They're givin' 'er a supper to-night at the theatre. Jeybs. The theatre ? ROPBK, [Advanciny.] Yes, Carlton's standing a little spread 24 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL in the foyer, in honour of the occasion. [SiUiny at the tea-tahle.] Quite right too ; she's his best asset, and chance it. Jeyes. When was it fixed up '^ Roper. Late last niglit. Jeyes. The fact is, Lily and I had a slight tiff coming home last night. [Sitting on the settee in front of the writiny 'table.] Ha ! I suppose she kept it from me to pay me out. [Sharpli/.] Who's invited ? Roper. Er — only the principal members of the Company, I understand. Mrs. Upjohn. [Moistening her lips ivith Iter tongue.] Yes, only the members of the Company, Lil says. Roper. With Monne Cooling and Vincent Bland thrown in. Jeyes. [Looking at Roper.] You seem to know a lot about it, Roper. Roper. I was behind when Morrie was going round to the dressing rooms. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 25 J EYES. \^To Roper, suspiciousli/.] Are you asked ? llOPER. l^Tahen aback. ^^ E — eh ? Jeyes. Are you asked ? Roper. \]Vith an attempt at airiness.] Oli, yes, they've dragged me into it. Jeyes. Since when have yoic been a member of the Company ? Roper. No, but — dash it, I've done business for Carlton in the City for twenty years or more ! Jeyes. That doesn't make you one. Roper. And I'm an old friend of Lil's. Jeyes. Not older than I. [ Violently.] Why the blazes doesn't Smythe invite me ? Roper. [^Extending his arms.] My dear Nicko, I'm not 26 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL giving the party. Eeally, yon do jump down a man's throat ! Jeyes. Sorry, sorry, sorry. [Leaniny hack and thrusting his hands into his j^ockets.] Well, I'll put Jack and the Linthornes off. They don't want to sup with ?>ie ; / shouldn't amuse 'em. [Gazing at the carpet.] Her birthday, though ! It'll be the first time I shall have been out of that for — how many years ? — six years. I [liaising his head, he detects Mrs. Upjohn and Roper eyeing each other uncomfortably.] Anything the matter 'i Roper. T-t-the matter ? Jeyes. [Taking his hands from his pockets and sitting upright.] Any game on ? Mrs. Upjohn. Game? Jetes. At my expense ? Mrs. Upjohn. I dun'no wot you're drivin' at, Captain. Jeyes. [Harshly.] How long's Lily sitting this afternoon ? Mrs. Upjohn. Till five. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 27 Jeyes, [Looking at his ivatc/i,] What's Morgan's number in Fitzroy Street ? Mrs. Upjohn. Sixty. Jeyes. [Elsing.] I'll fetch her. [As he makes a movement toicards the door, it is thrown open and Lily Parradell enters toith a rush — an entrancing vision of youth, grace, and beauty. She is followed, by JiMMiE BiRCU, a petite, bright-eyed girl in an extremely chic costume. Lily. [Tearing off her gloves as she enters.] Wh-e-e-w ! I'm dead ! [Giving her hand to Jeyes carelessly.] Ah, Nicko! [To Mrs. Upjoux.] I couldn't stand the heat in the studio any longer, mother. [Finding Roper beside her, she off'ers htr cheek to him and lie kisses it.] Mon Oncle ! Jimmie. [Closing the door.] That young man Morgan ought to paint the infernal regions. Lily. [leaking her scarf from her shoulders.] He might finish with the angels first, though. [To Jeyes, softly, as Roper tarns to shake hands with Jimmie.] You in a better tempei- to-day ? 28 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Jeyes. \_In her ea7\] You drove me wild last night. Lily. [Making a face at him.l Served you right. [Passing him.] For God's sake, let me lie down. [She throws herself upon the settee in front of the tvriting-table, and Jeyes moves aioay as Mrs. Upjohn and Roper go to her.] Don't come near me. Give me my fan. Jimmie, where's my fan ? Jimmie. Oh, I've left it in Fitzroy Street ! Lily. Beast ! Mrs. Upjohn. [Hurrying to the writing-table.] There's one 'ere, among your presents. Lily. [Unpinning her hat.] Uncle Lai, what an adorable ring that is you've sent me ! Roper. [Taking the fan from Mrs. Upjohn.] Ring! A brooch ! Lily. Somehodfs sent me a ring. THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 29 Mrs. Upjohn. [^Sittimj in the chair at the end of the settee by the writing-table.'] There's tliree inngs. Lily. Of course! One of them's from Nicko ! [To Jeyes.] Did you get my sweet telegram, Nicko ? Jeyes. \JVho has greeted Jimmie and is now seated in the chair on the extreme left — mlkili/.] I had your tele- gram, but it's a pendant T sent you. Jimmie. [Sitting upon the settee by the piano and pulling off her glove>i?[ Ha, ha, ha ! Lily. You shut up, Jimmie. [Snatching the fan from Roper.] How on earth am I to remember ! [Fanning herself.] Who's given me this pretty thing? Mrs. Upjohn. Mr. Monty Leviue. Lily. Bless him ! He's a dear little man, though he does bite his nails. [Gladys appears viith Vixcekt Bland, inho saunters in after her. Seeing liiLY. Gladys advances to her.] Hallo, Vincent ! Bland. [^A thin, delicate looking man of eight-and- thirty, not 30 ■ THE •'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL over smartly dressed, wearing an eye-glass — nodding to Lily casually.] You needn't have cut me, almost on your door-step. [To Jimmie and Jeyes.] H'lo, Jimmie ! H'lo, Nicko ! Gladys. [Vieiving Lily with an elevation of the brotvs.] Oh, are you home ? Lily. [Retu7-ning Gladys's stare.] Apparently. Gladys. I'll whistle up to Maud. Lily. Don't, if it's too severe a strain on you. Mrs. Upjohn. [7'o Gladys, as the girl moves to the door.] Glady.s, we'll 'ave tea. Gladys. [At the door.] You can't till it's ready. Lily. [Calmly.] Cheek! [Gladys retires. Bland. [Who has strolled across to Lily, indolently.] Why do you retain the services of that tousled-headed hussy ? THE •'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL ' 31 Lily. {WWt, conviction?^ Oh, she's a little under the weather, but she's a perfect servant. Bland. [To Mrs. Upjohn.] Ma, you look blooming. Mrs. Upjohn. Wish I could return the compliment, Mr. Bland. Bland. [7'o Roper, who is lOearing a waistcoat of rather a pronounced pattern.^ Congratulations on your waist- coat, Lai. lioPER. [Joininy Jimmie, annoyed?^ Now, no personalities. Lily, [Giving Bland her hand.] Vincent, yours is one of the loveliest presents^I've had to-day. Uemerciement ! How's that for a French accent ? Bland. [Drojyping his eyeglass.] You cat ! Lily. Why ? Bland. You know I've given you nothing, not even a penny nosegay. 32 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL JiMMIE. Ha, ha, ha ! Lily. [Raising herself on her elhoiv.^ On rny honour — ! Vincent dear, 1 swear I thought- ! Bland. The funds are too low. [Iieplacing his et/eglass.] I did go so far as to price a bangle at Sellby'?, but that was before a cei tain event yesterday. JiMMlE. What horses did you back, Vincent ? I won a tiver, through Jeriy Grimwood. lioPKR. [7'o Bland.] You are a patent ass. Why don't you leave betting alone ? Bland. [?'o RovEU, ^flaring it]).} Why don't you leave your City muck alone ? Lily. [Putting her Jeet to the floor, imperioiisly .^ That'll do. Be quiet, you two ! I won't have any wrang- ling in my house. Hun away and play, all of you. I want to speak to Vincent for a minute privately. [With a gesture.} Uncle Lai — Jimmie — Nicko — [To Mrs. Upjohn.] Scoot, mother ! THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 33 Mrs. Urjonx. Oh, dear, wot a child ! [Roper, Jimmie, Jeyes, a7id Mrs. Upjohn move awai/ and Lily beckons to Bland. Lily. Vin. Bland. [Close to her^ loith a W7')j face.'\ Mercy ! Lily. [In a low voice.] You've broken your .word to me, tlien ? [Through her teeth.] Those damned horses ! Bland. Cooling had a tip from the stable Lily. Cooling ! Morrio Cooling has no children ; only a fat wife. You've a darling little wife and three kiddies. How much did you drop yesterday ? Bland. Shan't say. Lily. [Rising and touching his arm.] Oh, Vincent ! [She looks round, to assure herself that she is un- ohservexl. Mrs. Upjoun and Roper are seated at the tea-table unth their heads to- gether, talking ; Jimmie is at the piano, fingering out a piece of music ; Jeyes is half hidden in the arm-chair facing tie c 34 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL settee at the hack. Lily tiptoes to the toriting-table and seats herself there as Gladys reappears showing in the Baron VON Rettenmayer. Yon Rettenmayer. \_A tall, fair young man of three-and-thirty, sjyeahing in thick, guttural tones — advancing to Lily.] Aha, goddess ! [Gladys ivithdraics.] Many habby returns of the day ! Lily. H'sh ! I'm busy for a moment, Baron. Yon Rettenmayer. [To Lily — shaking hands with Bland.] A thousand bardons. Lily. Talk to mother and Jimmie. Yon Rettenmayer. With bleasure. [Going to Mrs. Upjohn and Roper and shaking hands with them.^ How are you, my dear Ma ? How are yon, Jimmie ? [ Waving a hand to Roper a7id Jeyes.] My dear Rober ! My dear Neegolas ! Jimmie. [To Yon Rettenmayer, mimicking hhn.^ Rober! iSTeegolas! Why don't they provide you with throat lozenges at the Embassy, Baron ? [Yon Rettenmayer laughs. Lily has quickly opened a drawer in the writing-table and produced a cheque-hook. After another THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 35 glance over her shoulder, she sweeps the presents aside and writes. Then she re- places the cheque-book, rises, and returns to Blaxd. Again there is a loud guffaw from Von Rettenmayer in resjwnse to some sally 0/ Jimmie's. Lily. \To liLXSD, folding a cheque and slipping it into his hand.] Promise — promise you won't make another bet. Blaxd, [Unfolding the cheque.] Your cheque? Lily. [Hastili/.] Put it in your pocket. Bland. A blank one. Lily. [In a lohisper.] Don't fill it in for more than you can help. 7'?« not over flush. [He deliberatelij tears the cheque into four pieces and, looking at her steadily, puts them into his waistcoat-jiocket. Blaxd. [As he does so.] I'll keep those, Lil, for as long as I keep anything. Lily. [Hotly.] You fool, Vincent ! 36 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Bland. My dear, as if ! Lily. Such ridiculous pride! \_Stam2nng her foot.^ Lord, what I owe to you ! [Gladys enters with Sam dk Castro. Gladys is carrying a lace-edged table-cloth which, assisted by Mrs. Upjohn, she proceeds to lay upon the tea-table. Bland. \^Moving away to join the others — to de Castro.] Ha, Sam ! De Castro. [A stout, coarse, hut genial-loohing gentleman of forty, of marked Jewish appearance, speaking with a lisp — shaking hands with Lily.] How are you to-day, Lil ? Many happy returnth, wunth more. Lily. Thanks, dear old boy. [^Sitting on the settee in front of the writing 'table. \ Did I send you a wire this morning ? De Castro. Not you ; not a thix-pen'north. Lily. I ought to have done so, to acknowledge your- — - what was it ? De Castro. A ring — diamondth and thapphires. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 37 Lily. Ah, yes ; beautiful, De Castro. It ith rather a nithe ring. [Loivering his voice.] But I thay. Lily. What? De Castro. Mind you don't go and tell Gabth, on any account. Lily. [With a great asstcmption of ignorance, raising Iter eyebrows.] Gabs ? De Castro. Gabrielle— Mith Kato. Lily. Why shouldn't I ? De Castro. Nonsenth ; yox(, know very well. [Urgently.] You won't, will you ? Lily. [Shrtigging her shoulders.] I won't if I remember not to. De Castro. [Alarmed.] Ah, now, don't be thtupid ! Whath the good o' making mithchief ! [Lily shoics him the tip of her tongue.] Oh, Lil ! [Gladys goes cvt.] Lil ! 3B THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Von Eettenmayer. [Leaving the grozi]) at tJie hack and putting an arm round De Castro's shoulder.] My dear friend Zam ! De Castro. How are you, Baron ? [Going to Mrs. Upjohn. Aftbernoon, Ma ! [N'oddijig to Jimmie and Roper. Afthernoon, everybody ! [Shaking hands ivith Jeyes, rvlto has risen and no lo joins the group.] How are you, Nicko ? Lily. [Givi7ig her hand to Von Rettenmayer.] Excuse me for cutting you sbort wben you came in. Tbanks for your splendid present, I did send you a wire, didn't I ? VoN Rettenmayer. [Kissing her hand and howing over it.] I sball breserve it, with a few oder souvenirs, till the end of my life. Lily. [Withdrawing her hand and blowing the coinpliment away.] Phew ! Lai, lal, lal, la ! VoN Rettenmayer. [In an altered tone., after a cautious look round.] Goddess. Lily. Eh? THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 39 Vox Kettenmayer. [xinxiousli/.] My diifling liddle offering — I endreat you not to mention it to Enid, Lily. [Laughing heartily.'] Ha, ha, ha, ha ! Another of you! Von Rettexmayer. Tlie gharming Miss Mongreift". Lily. \_Serioiisly.\ Baron, I wish you boys wouldn't make me presents and then ask me to l^eep them a secret from the other girls. Vox Rettexmayer. And I — I wish it were not nezezzary. But, goddess, you are alzo a young lady of the world — you know what women are. Lily. H'm ! I know what you men are. [Maud, a buxom young woman with a good- tempered face, dressed as a lady's-maid, enters quicldy, tying her ajyi'on, and runs to Lily. Jeyes comes to the further side of the writing-table and Yon Rettexmayer noio joins him there. Jimmie Birch also comes forward, accompanied by De Castko. Maud. [To Lily.] Here, give me your things. [Lily tosses 40 THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL her hat, scarf, and gloves to Maud.] I was in my room, having a lie clown. Is my hair untidy ? Lily. I've never seen it anything else. Maud. [Merrily.'] Ha, ha, ha ! [T'oJimmie awcZoE Castro.] Afternoon, Miss Jim mie. Afternoon, Mr. de Castro. [To Lily.] Now, don't let them all tire you to death, there's a pet. Lily. Oh, clear out. [As '^Ikv'd is depart wg.] Hi! [Rising and kicking off her shoes and sending them in Maud's direction.] Fetch me a pair of slippers. Maud. [Picking up the shoes and chuckling.] He, he, he ! [When Maud reaches the door, which she has left open, Gladys appears vith the tea-tray and tvith Fauxcomue at her heels. Gladys. [To Maud, in a low voice, vjitheringly.] Oh, you're doing something, arc you ? Maud. [In the same tone, passing Gladys.] Yes, settin"' you an example, my girl. [Encountering Farxcombe.] Beg pardon. [Maud withdraws, closing the door, and Farx- COMBE stands looking at Lily, who is talking THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 41 to JiMMiE. Gladys carries the tray to the tea-table. Lily. [Become aioare of F a^^conbe' 8 j^resence and nodding to him.] How d'ye do ? Farncombe. [Moi'ing a step or two towards Iter.] I — I've been here before this afternoon. I ventured to bring you some flowers. Lily. [Going to him and shaking hands vith him formalhj.] Nobody told me. Awfully kind of you. Where have they put them ? Farncombe. [Lifting his basket of forcers from off the jnano and shoiving it to her.] Here. Lily. Pretty. [Pulling out a carnation.] Stick it up there again. [lie replaces the basket.] You're Lord Farncombe, aren't you ? Farncombe. Yes. Lily. [With a glance at the others.] Know anybody here ? Farncombe. [Looking round the roovi.] Nearly everybody, I fancy. [Z/e advances to Vox Rettf.nmayeh, v:ho comes 42 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL to meet him. Lily sits iipon the settee hy the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress. Gladys goes out.^ Karl ! Von Rettenmayee. My dear Eddie ! Farncombe. [Boiviurf to DE Castro, ivho is noio seated beside JiMMiE on the settee in front of the writing-table.] How are you, Mr. de Castro ? [To Jeyes, v)ho is standing hy the chair at the toriting- table gnawing his moustache and ioatching Lily and Farncombe sourly How are you, Cnptain Jeyes? [Turning to Bland How are you, Mr. Bland? [To Lily.] I've been talking to Mrs. LTpjolm and Mr. Roper already. Lily. [Looking across to Jimmie.] Miss Birch — Lord Farncombe. Jimmie. [Nodding to Farncombe.] How d'ye do ? Farncombe. [Going to Jimmie and shaking hands with her.] I — I needn't say that I am one of Miss Birch's warmest — most profound Jimmie. [Smiling at him.] That's all right ; don't you bother about that. [Maud rettirns, candying a pair of silken slipjyers. Vox Rettenmayer^ who has come to Lily, THE •'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 43 makes a dart at the slipjyers and takes them from Maud. Von Rettenmayer. Aha ! Permid me. Maud. Now, Baron ! [Slappivg his ar;u.] Ha, lia, ha ! [He pushes Maud out of the room^ she resisting laitghingly, and closes the door. Yon Rettenmayer. [JJoIding the slippers aloft.] Genrllemen ! Homage to Beaudy ! Yollowme! Zam ! Vinzent ! Rober ! Neego ! Eddie! [77ie men put themselves behind him, in single fie, in the order in which he calls them, trith the exception 0/ Jeyes, v-ho delibei-afeh/ sits at the 9 v7-i ting -table, and Farncombe, icho is embarrassed. JiMMiE clajxs her hands and Mrs. Upjohx, who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a ft of coughing?^ Ta, ta, ra, ra, ta, ta ! Bourn, bourn ! Lily. Bai'on, you great baby ! Yon Rettenmayer. Quig ! Marge ! Roper. [Calling to Farncombe.] Come along, Farncombe ! JiMMIE. [Giving Farncombe a sJiove?\ C!o on ! 44 THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL [Farncombe takes Ais place behind Ropee and, headed hy Von Rettenmayer, the men march round the room. Vox Rettenmayer. \Waving the slippers in the air and singing.'\ Weib, was ist in alier Welt Dir an Schonheit gleichgestellt ! Reizumflossen, wunderhold, Perl' der Schopfung, Herzensgold ! Tag's Gedanken, Traum der Nacht, Schweben um Dich, Siisse, sacht. [Von Rettenmayer halts before Lily aiid kneels to her. She extends her left foot and he kisses her inste]? a7id puts her foot into her slijyper. - She rewards himhy lightly boxing his ears. lie makes way for de Castro, handing him the other slipper, and de Castro performs the same ceremony vnth ]jIly's right foot. She upsets de Castro's balance by a little kick. Von Rettenmayer. [Seating himself beside J niMm, singing.] Venus, seinen Nacken beat Dir Dein Sklave, dienstbereit ! [De Castro gathers himself iip and sits in the chair at the end of the settee in front of the luriting-tahle. Bland and RorER, having knelt and kissed Lily's foot, also sit, the former in the chair in the middle of the room, the latter in tJie chair on the extreme left. Finally, Farncombe finds himself THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 45 before Lily. He looks at her hesitatinyly and she returns his look with avnikened interest and withdraws Jierfoot. Lily. [Shaking her head.] No, no ; don't yoic be silly, like the others. Mrs. Upjohn. [Loudhj.] Tea! [Blaxd, Vox Rettenmayer and de Castro jump up and go to the tea-table where Farncombe joins them. Gladys enters, carry ing a stand on v)hich are a pjlate of bread- and-hntter, a dish of cake, etc. Roper takes the stand from her and the girl retires. Farxcombe brings Lily a cup of tea. De Castro ancZ Bland /o^/ow; him, the one with a milk-jug, the other with a sugar-basin. Vox Rettexmayer carries a cup of tea to Jimmie^ and then de Castro and Blaxd, having waited tcpon Lily, go to Jimmie loith the milk and sugar. Roper hands the bread-and- butter and cake to Lily, then to Jimmie, and in the end Roper, Blaxd, de Castro and Von Rettenmayer assemble at the ten- table and receive their cups of tea from Mrs. Upjohn. Roper. [Relieving GijkDXS of the stand.] Give it tome. 1 want a little exercise. 46 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [Takiny her cup of tea from Farxcombe.] Thanks. De Castro. [Heljnng Lily to milk.] Milk-ho ! Sugar ? Bland. Lily. Br-r-r-ili ! I'm jDutting on weight as it is. EOPER. [Offering the bread-and-butter, etc.— facetiously.] Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score ! Lily. Nothing to eat, Uncle ; I dine at six. Mrs. Upjohn. [Calling to Jeyes fro7)i the tea-table.] Captain, ain't you goin' to 'ave any tea ? Jeyes. [Moodily examining the presents on the icriting-tahle.] No, thank you, Mrs. Upjohn. Bland. [To JiMMiE, after she has hem heljyed to milk.] Sugar ? -' Jimmie. Two lumps. THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 47 ROPEK. [Pushing Bland and de Castro aside, imitating a female voice.] Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano- score ! JiMMIE. [Cutlimj a slice of cake.] Lai, the world 'ud be a much happier place to live in if Lloyd George taxed your jokes. Yon Rettenmayer, Bland, and de Castro. [Returning to the tea-table.] Ha, ha, ha, ha ! Lily. [To Farncombe, u-ho remains standing near Iter.] Seen our show at the Pandora ? Farncombe. [Gazing at fier.] Twenty-three times. LILY^ Not really ? Farncombe. This week and last, every night. LiLY. [Running her eye over him.] You in the Guards, by any chance ? Farncombe. [Nodding.] Yes. 48 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [Smiling.'] Ah, you'll never do a braver deed than seeing our show twenty-three times. JlMMIE. [An RovERleaves her to go to the table, her mouth fidl of cake.] Boys! [Cltoking.] Heugh, heugh, heugli ! Wait a minute ; I've swallowed some of the Baron's German. [Gulping ^^ B-oys, seriously — no rot — [raising her tea-cup] jolly good health to Lily ! [7'here is a crij of approbation from Bland, Von Kettenmayer, de Castro and Roper. Farncojibe fetches himself a cup of tea from the tea-table.] She's a Avhite woman, Lily is — the staunchest, truest pal, where she takes a liking Bland, Von Rettenmayer, be Castro, and Roper. Hear, hear ! Mrs. Upjohn. [Pressing forward through the men and going to Lily.] And the best daughter breathing. [Embrac- ing Lily and then turning to the others.] D'ye notice the new dress I'm wearin' this afternoon ? Lily. Don't, mother ; don't. Mrs. Upjohn. Fifteen guineas it's cost her. [Sitting in the chair on the extreme left, proudly.] Madame Godolphin made it, and a 'at to go with it cng sweet. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 49 Lily. [To Mrs. Upjohn.] Jlu-s-s-sh ! JiMMIE. Well [shipping her tea as if drinking a toasi\ in a cup of tea ! Bland, de Castro, and Roper. [Sipping their tea,] In a cup o' tea ! Yox Hettenmayer. [Drinking.] In a gob o' dea ! Jimjiie. [To Von Rettenmayer, inockingly .] (!ob o' dea ! Lily. [Waving her hand.] Thnnk you, Jimmie. Thank you, dear boys, from the bottom of my heart. Jimmie. [To the men.] By Jove, she saved me once from going home to a cheap lodging and taking a dose of rat-killer ! Von Rettenmayer. [Behind Roper and ])E Castro, peeping over their shoulders.] A pidy — a gread pidy. Jimmie. [To Von Rettenmayer.] I'll attend to you pre- sently, Baion. D 50 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [To JiMMiE.] I remember. A wretched little sin-imp }'oa looked that day. JiMMIE. [I'o everyhody.'] It was my first morning at the Pandora. They'd had me up from Harrogate in a hurry, to take Gwennie Barker's place. I'd been playing her part in the Number Two Co. in the country ; and she'd left 'em in a hole, to get mar- ried to a stupid lord — —\To Farncombe, j^ncZmgr Mm standing near her.^^ Sorry. I was to have only one re- hearsal ; [clenching herjist] and, oh, didn't they treat me abominably ! Miss Ensor was late and we were all hanging about on the stage, waiting for her. I've never felt so cold in my life, or so lonely. Not a word of welcome, not a nod, from a single soul ; simply a blank stare occasionally from a haughty beauty with a curled lip ! And at last, when I was on the point of howling, I became conscious that somebody was watching me — a tall, pretty thing in a lavender frock De Castro. [Sitting in the cliair in the middle of the 70om.] Lil. JlSIMIE. I caught her eye, and she came straight over to me and sat down beside me. " Shaky ? " she said. " A corpse," I said. And she quietly laid hold of my hand and held it till Dolly Ensor condescended to stroll in. And wheji I got up I asked her who she was, and she told me. "Oh, my God," I said, "I'll THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 51 never forget your kiudness ! Why, of course, you're the ' Mind the Paint ' girl ! " Roper, de Castro, and Von Eettenmayer. [^Singiny.^ " Mind the paint ! Mind the paint ! Tra, lal, la. lal, la, lal, la, ]al, la, lal, tra, la, la, la ! " [Uland seats himself at the ^nano and thumps out the air of the refrain of " Mind the Paint." llie three inen, mouthing' the t'une silentl)/, icave their a7-ms, and Lily's head and hody move from side to side. Bland. \_With a groan.^ Ugh! Is there anything more ancient than a four-year-old comic song i [^Playing a few bars of the melod)j of the song.^ Shade of Nineveh and all the buried cities ! Roper, Von Rettenmayek, and de Castro. [To Lily, coaxingly.] Lily ! Goddess ! Lil ! Lily. [ShaJcing her head.] Oh, boys, it's gone. [Pressing her temples.] I couldn't [Bland plays the introductory sympliony and then jjaicses. Then she sings, Ice accom- panying her. In a moment or two, the song comes back to her readily and she gives it toith great witchery and allure- ment. Jeyes starts tip and goes to the vnndow in the icall on the right and looks out. 52 THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [Singi7ig.] I've a very charming dwelling, (You know where without the telling) Decorated in a style that's rather quaint ! Smart and quaint ! When you pay my house a visit, You may scrutinise or quiz it, But you mustn't touch the paint ! Brand-new paint ! Mind the paint ! Mind the paint ! (No matter Avhether Maple's bills are settled or they ain't !) Once you smear it or you scratch it, It's impossible to match it ; So take care, please, of the paint — of the paint ! [Risiyig and coining to the middle of the room, Lily repeats the refrain, dancing to it grace/idly. Jimmie also rises and she. Roper, Vox Rettenmayer, and de Castro ^oin in the chorus and the dance, the three men very extravagantly . Farxoombe looks on, enraptured, while Mrs. Upjohn heais time ivith her hands, Lily. [Singing.] I'm possessed of all the graces, Oh, a perfect dr-r-r-ieam my face is ! (It may owe to Art a trifle or it mayn't H'm, it mayn't !) And I'll cry out for assistance. Should you fail to keep youi- distance. THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 53 Goodness gracious, mind the paint ! Mind the paint ! Mind the paint ! Mind the paint ! A. girl is not a sinner just because she's not a saint ! But my heart shall hold you dearer — You may come a little nearer — If you'll onlj/ mind the paint — mind the paint ! [The refrain is repeated as before, Mrs. Upjohx rising and taking a share in it. Then Lily drops on to the settee before the icriting- table, laughing and holding up her hands in protest. Lily. No more, boys ! [Roper, Vox Rettexmayer, and DE Castro gather round her, applauding her and urging her to continue.] No, no; no more ! I've had such a stiff day Mrs. Upjohn. [With sudden energy, to everybody.] Out you go, all of you ; out you go ! JlMMIE. [Tothemen.] Come on ; let's mizzle. [Shaking hands with Farxcombe.] Cruel of us to tire her so. Mrs. Upjoiix. [Tapping Vox Rettexmayer on <^e sAowWer.] Now, then. Baron ! Von Rettexmayer. [Shaking hands loith Lily.] I'm gomiug. 54 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL JiMMIE. [Taking VoN Rettenmayer to the door.] Well, gome ! Mrs. Upjohn. [Pulling Roper away from Lily.] Now, Uncle ! Roper. [Adjusting his coat.] Mind the paint, Ma. JiMMIE. [Calling out^ Good-bye, Lil ! Lilt. [As she shakes hands loith de Castro, calling to JiMMIE.] Good-bye ! [JiMMIE and Vox Rettenmayer disapjjear. Mrs. Upjohn. Now, Mr. de Castro ! [Moving ivith Roper tovxirds the door.] 'Owever d'ye think she's goin' to get through her work to-night ! De Castro. [Pausing to comh his 'moustache.] Quite I'ight, Ma [thoughtlessly] and a thupper and a danthe afterwardth. Roper. [Turning upon him quickly.] Sssh ! [In a low voice.] Dam fool ! THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 55 De Castro. [Clapping his hand to his mouthi] Oh- [T hey glance at Jeyes who, hearing de Castro's remark, has left the ivirulow and come forward a step or two. Roper. \Uneasihj ?\^ Er — good-bye, Nicko. De Castro. \To Jeyes, in the savie vjay.] G-good-bye. Jeyes. [To both, dryly.'] Good-bye. Bland. [Talking to Lily, neither of them having heard de Castro's slip.l That jingle — an echo of old times, eli ? Lily. [Looking up at him.] Yes, but not better times than these times, Vin ? Bland. [Sadly, holding her hand^ Ah, Lil, there are so many tunes in life left for yon,, my dear ! BOPER. [At the door, vnth Mrs. Upjohn and de Castro — to Bland.] Come along, Vincent. [Bland joins the gron.p at the door as Farn- COMBE approaches Lily. 56 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe. [Shaking hands with her.] Thank you. [With fervour.] Glorious! Lily. [Reproachfully/.] For shame ! Farncombe. I mean it, Lily. T'sh ! [Lightly.] See you again some day, perhaps ? Farncombe. Ah, yes Roper. [Calling to Farncombe.] Coming our way, Farn- combe ? [Roper, Bland, and de Castro dejmrt. Farn- combe boivs to Lily and makes jor the door. Farncombe. [To Jeyes.] Good-bye, Captain Jeyes. Jeyes. [Who has icandered to the entrance to the conser- vatory, vjhere he is noio standing with his back to the room— half turning.] Good-bye. Farncombe. [Shaking hands with Mrs. Upjohn.] Delightful ! Enjoyed myself amazingly. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 57 Mrs. Ur.TonN. \Gh-acioicshj.] Oh, we're always glad when a few folks pop in — [he lorings her han(T\ if they don't over- stay their welcome. Farncombe. Naturally. [Ilurriedly.] Good-bye. [He vanuhes. Mrs. Upjohx. [Remaining at the door^^ Captain Jeyes. [Advancing.'] I want just half a dozen words with Lily, Mrs. Upjohn. Lily. [To Mrs. Upjohx.] Tell IVlaud to put out my old green frock, mother ; I'll be up in a minute or two. Mrs. Upjohn. [To Jeyes.] Now, you won't keep 'er longer, will you ? Jeyes. [Grimly.'] No, no ; I know she won't be in bed till four o'clock to-morrow morning at the earliest. [Mrs. Upjohn ^oe? out, closing the door, and Jeyes comes to Lily.] So Smythe is giving you a grand feed to-night at the theatre, Lil ? Lily. [Arranging the pillows on the settee.] In the foyer. 58 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Jeyes. And a dance, it appears. Lily. [Yatvning.] Oh-h-li-h ! [Lyi7ig ^ipon the settee at full length.] Who told ijoti, grumpy ? Jeyes. Roper and your mother told me about the supper. You didn't. Lily. Ha, ha ! You were in such a vile mood last night, coming home. Jeyes. "Who will there be to dance tcith to-night ? Lily. The men of the Company. Jeyes. That doesn't sound very inspiring. Lily. Rather school-treaty, isn't it ! Jeyes. Nobody from outside ? Lily. No ; it's to be only the men in the theatre and the principal ladies. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 59 Jeyes. Roper's going, Lily. Uncle Lai ? Oh, well, he's hardly from outside. Jeyes, And de Castro. Lily. Sam ? Jeyes. I'm sure of it, from something I heard him say just now, Lily. Sam used to finance Carlton. I suppose they reckon hxTn one of us. Jeyes. \^Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room.^ Smythe might have extended the compliment to vie, Lil. He knows how I stand towards vou. Lily. Awfully sorry ; I can't help it. Jeyes. [Twining his fingers together. '\ You see, if Roper and de Castro are asked, there may be others. Lily. [Changing her position.] Oh, lal, lal, lal, lal, la! 6o THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Jeyes. [With a set jcm.'\ Some of the more juvenile " boys," perhaps. [Examining his nails.] Lil. Lily. What ? Jeyes. When did you make the acquaintance of the young sprig o' the nobiUty who's been here this afternoon ? Lily. Lord Farncombe ? Bertie brought him and intro- duced him one day last week. Jeyes. Ha ! He's at your feet now. Lily. Phuh ! Jeyes. Oh, you may " phuh " ! He's in front every blessed night. There he sits, Row B., three stalls from the end, prompt side ! Lily. There are a few good-looking girls at the Pandoia besides your humble servant. Jeyes. Rubbish ! His glass follows you all over the stage. I watched him talking to you in this room THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 6i Lily. [Raising herself.] Did you indeed ! Jeyes, [Beating his clenched hands ujwn the arms of his chair.] God in heaven ! First it's one, tlien it's another, chasing you ! Lily. [Putting her feet to the groioid.] Oh, you're madden- ing, Nicko ! You a7-e ; you're maddening. Last night it was Stewie Heneage you chose to be jealous of, simply because you'd heard him sounding my praises at Catani's ! You almost broke the window of the car, you went on so ! Jeyes. I confess I object to Heneage, or any man, raving about you at the top of his voice in a public place. Lily. Sakes alive, why shoiddnH Stewie rave about me in a public place, if he feels like it ! I belong to the public. He might rave about a girl who's a jolly sight less deserving of being raved about, as a girl and an artist, than I am. Jeyes. Well, we'll dismiss Heneage. Lily. Yes, exit Stewie and enter somebody else for you to fuss and fume about. This afternoon it's Lord 62 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Faincombe, and to-morrow it'll be a fresh person altogether. One 'ud think, to hear you, that I don't know how to take care of myself, and of any poor boy who loses his head over me ! [^Rising and ivalking away.^ You're growing worse and worse with your jealousy, Nicko. Stop it ! I'm surprised at you, after all these years ! It's beginning to fret me, and that's bad for my spirits and bad for me in business. \_At the tea-table, grabbing a piece of bread-and-butter and biting at ?i.] And now you're making me spoil my dinner — Yrelenting^ and that's not good for me either, you brute ! Jeyes. \^Uis hands hanging loosely betioeen his knees, sigh- ing heavily.] Oh, Lily, Lily ! Lily, Yes, oh, Lily, Lily ! Jeyes. Why — why don't you put me out of my misery ? Lily. [Mic7iching.] Poison you ? Jeyes. Marry me. Lily. [Behind his chair.] Marry you ? [Taking his hand- kerchief from his breast-jjocket and wijnng her fingers upcm it — sarcastically.] Have you come to tell me you've got some woi-k to do at last ? Break it gently, Nicko ; the shock might be too great for me. THE ••MIND THE PAINT " GIRL 63 Jeyes. Ob, I'd find a billet soon enougb, Lil, if only I'd an incentive to bunt for it. Lily. Incentive ! You had an incentive twelve montbs ago, when I was willing to engage myself to you absolutely if you could obtain a good secretaryship or something of the sort. Jeyes. I — I've no fancy for a beggarly secretaryship. Lily. No ; all you re a fancy for", seemingly, is for living on your unfortunate people. [Throwimj him Iiis /umd- kerchief and leaving Idm^l How a man of your age can rest satisfied with being a burden to other's passes my dull comprehension ! Jeyes. I — I hivve been a bit slack, I own — I liave been a bit leisurely ; but Lily. [/nsj)ectiug some of the flowers about the room.'\ Nicko, that pendant, or whatever it is, you've given me — I don't want to hurt you, but I won't accept it. You take it away with you ; do you hear? Jeyes. [Not heediny her, ioeaklyl\ Lil 64 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. I'm in earnest ; you remove it from off my pre- mises. Jeyes. Lil — [she returns to him] my eldest brother — Robert — [looking/ up at her] Bob — [She nods inquir- inyli/.] Bob's at me to go out to Rhodesia, to manage a group of stock farms lie's interested in near Bula- wayo. Lily. Oh, why don't you go ? Jeyes. [Fo7'lor7ili/.] Rhodesia ! Bulawayo ! [Looking u]) at her again with a dismal smile.] Come with me ? Lily. Don't be absurd. Jeyes. [Rising and putting his hands upon her shoulders.] No, you wouldn't care a straw — not a brass farthing — if I did go, would yer ! Lily. [Softening again,] Stuff! I should miss you horribly. [Toying vnth a button of his u-aistcoat.] Who'd bring me home from the theatre at night then, and from rehearsals ; who ? Jeyes. Ah, vho ! [riis grip tightening on her.] Who ! THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 65 Lily. \^^Vincing.^ Ssss! You'll bruise my skin if you're not careful. Jeyes. [Taking her hand and crumpling it in his.^ Well, it might be that you'd mi.s.s nie for a while — the old dog that you're accustomed to find lying on your door- mat ; \pressing her hand to his lips] but you don't love me, Lii — not even as much as you did a year ago. You don't love me ! Lily. [ With a faint shrug of her shoulders.] Perhaps I don't, in the way you mean ; ^wistfully] perhaps it's not in me really to love anybody in a marrying way. [Meeting hi3 ej/es.] Still, as you say Jeyes. As I say ? Lily. [Pursing her mouth at him winningly.] I'm accus- tomed to you, Nicko. [lie draws her to him ; but, with a laugh, she checks him hy offering Jiim her head to kiss.] There — [putting the point of her finger playf idly on the crown of her head] you may there. [As he kisses her.] Now I must run upstairs, or mother'll wliack me. Jeyes. [Detaining her.] Won't you allow me to fetch you after the dance ? Lily. Three or four in the morning ! No ; I'll give you E 66 THE "MIND THE TAINT" GIRL a rest. Uncle I^al or Sam'll take on your job. [Going to the door.'l And don't try to see me to-morrow. Jeyes. [Sharjjly.^ Why not ? Lily. Not till you turn up at night as usual. I shall be a shocking rag all day. Jeyes. [Breahmg out.] Yes, I expect you'll manage to enjoy yourself thoroughly, and dance yourself off your feet, whoever your partners may be ! Lily. [Wilfully.'] Expect I shall. [Tossing her head up^ Ha, ha ! I'll do my best. [She departs, leaving him standing near the tea- table, lie takes out his handkerchief and mops his brow. As he does so, his eyes rest upon thetelej]hone-instrumentonthe vmting- table and he stares at it. He hesitates, as if struggling to resist an impulse ; then he goes quickly to the instrument and puts the receiver to his ear. Jeyes. [After a jyciuse.] Gerrard, three, eight, four, eight. [Discovering that Lily has left the door tvide open, he lays the receiver upon, the ivriting -table and goes to the door and shuts it. Then he returns to the writing-table and again listens at the receiver.] Is that the office of the Pandora Tlieatre ? . . . [Suddtnly, imitating the THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 67 voice o/dy, Castro.] Ith Mithter Morrith Cooling in? . . . I'm Mithter de Castro . . . Thain de Castro . . . Gone, ith he ? . . . Oh, ith that you, Mithter Hickthon ? . . . Yeth, you'll do . . . About the thupper-party to-night that Mithter Smythe ith giving to Mith Parradell . . . Yer there? . . . I didn't quite underthtand whether ith to be at the theatre or at a rethtaurong . . . At the theatre ? . . . Oh, yeth . . . A largth party? . . . Oh, that ith nithel . . . Who are the guesth, d'ye know ? . . . Yeth ? . . . Yeth ? , , . Oh, an' the boyth ! . . . oh, thomeo' the 6o,yiAare comin', are they ! . . . Hey ? . . . Haven't got the litht from Mithter Roper yet? . . , Oh, heth been he! pin' to get it up ! . . . Oh, we shall have a thplendid time ! . . . The boyth ! . . . Yeth ! . . . Yeth ! . . . ha, ha, ha, ha ! . . . thankth .... goo' bye ! [He replaces the receiver and stands looking at the door for a moment. Then, with his head bent and his hands clasped behind him, he goes slowly out. END OF THE FIRST ACT. THE SECOND ACT 2^he scene is an artistically decorated refreshment- saloon — or "foyer'' — on the first-circle floor of a theatre. The wall facing the spectator is panelled partly in glass, and throiigh the glazed panels the corridor behind the circle, and the doors admitting to the circle., are seen. TJie right-hand ivall is panelled in a similar way, showing the landing at the top of the principal staircase and an entrance to the corridor. Some music-stands and stools are on the landing, arranged for a small orchestra. In the right-hand tcall there is a double swing- door giving on to the landing ; and in the wall at the back, opening on to, and from, tJie corridor, there is a single swing-door on the left and another on the right. The left-hand door is fastened back into the saloon by a hook. Between the two doors in the back wall runs the refresh- ment-counter. In one of the further corners of the saloon there is a plaster statue representing the Muse of Comedy, in the opposite corner a companion figure of Dancing. In the wall on the left, the grate hidden by flowers, is a fireplace with a fender-stool before it, and on eit/ier side of the fireplace there is a 69 70 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL capacious and richly njiholstered arm-chair. A settee of like design stands against the wall on the right betioeen the dotible-door and the spectator. The counter is decked-out as a sideboard, and at equal distances from each other there are four round tables laid for a supper-party of twenty -six persons. There are eight chairs at one table and six at each of the others., the chairs being of the sort iisitally supplied by ball-caterers. The saloon and the landing without are hrilliantly lighted, the corridor less brightly. [LuiGi and four waiters — one of ichom has a curly head and a fair beard ending in tuo flamboyant points — are putting the finishing touches to the laying of the tables, while Morris Cooling, a person of imposing presence displaying a vast expanse of shirt- front, is engaged in placing ujMn each of the serviettes a card bearing the name of a guest. Cooling. [Eef erring to a plan of the tables which he has in his ha7id.] Miss Connify— Miss Connify — Miss Connify — where's Miss Connify ? All, here you are, my dear — [moving to Miss Connify's chair and ]mtting a card upon her serviette'] next to old Arthur, [The four waiters, obeying a direction in dumb- show from LuiGi, go out at the door on the left. LUIGI. [A little, dark, active man — viewing the tables with satisfaction.] Tables look nice, Mr. Cooling? THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 71 Cooling. \^Ahsorhed.\ Not bad — not bad — not bad. [LuiGl folloios the waiters.^ Miss Kato ? \^Moving to another table and laying a card u])on a sei-viette.\ Gabrielle. [Roper hustles in through the double-door, in high feather. IlOPER. Hul-lo ! [Cutting a caper.] Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and how are you to-morrow ! Cooling. [Deep in his plan of the tables.] Hullo, Lai ! Roper. [Surveying the tables.] Splendid ! [Going from one table to another.] Seating 'em, hey ? Cooling. Mr. Palk— Mr. Palk— Mr. Palk ? [Placing another card.] Albert. Roper. Which d'ye make your principal table ? Cooling. There it is ; you're at it. Roper. Ah, yes. [Examining the card^.] " Miss Lily Par- radell — " ! [Jfis jaio falling.] Why, you've gone and put the l?;iron on her right ! 72 THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL Cooling. [^Unconsciously.^ Well, what's the objection? Roper. Where's Farncombe ? Where's Lord Farucombe ? Cooling, On the other side, with Dolly Stidulph and Enid. Roper. Rats ! Cooling. What do you mean by Rats? [Advancing to the pj'incipal table — 7iettled.] Look heah, Lai ! ROPEK. My dear fellow, Miss Parradell is the heroine o' the party ; the seat next to her is the seat of honour. Cooling. That's why I've put the Baron there. With things as they are between England and Germany- ROPER. If Germany doesn't like it, she must lump it. Lord Farncombe's the eldest son of an Earl ; you can't get over that. Cooling. [Picking up Farncombe's can/.] Oh, have it your own way. THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL 73 Roper. [Picking up VoN Rettenmayer's ca/v^.] Besides, the Baron's sweet on Enid just now ; I'm sure he'd prefer — [They exchange the cards and rearrange them.] thanks, ol' man. Sorry I was shirty. Cooling. [Laijing down his plan and cards and jjroducing a letter from his breast-pocket.] By-the-bye, the fair Lily — the heroine of the party, as you call her — is in a pretty tantrum over the whole business. BOPER. Tantrum ? Cooling. [Unfolding the letter.] Had this from her ten minutes ago. Listen to this. [Reading .] " My Dress- ing-room. 11-15. 80 degrees, with the windows open." [In an injured tone.] Haw, so I should think ! EOPER. [Concerned. \ What's amiss ? Cooling. [Reading!] " Morrie, you pig." [Roper lohistles.] " Morrie, you pig. I should feel deeply indebted to you if you would kindly inform me why the devil you went out of your way to deceive me last night. You led me to suppose — and so did that lying worm Lai Roper " [looking at Roper] You. 74 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. Oh, lord ! Cooling. YResuming.^ " — that lying worui Lai Roper " Roper. [Testily.] All right, all right. Cooling. " — you both led me to suppose that this rotten banquet was to be a family gathering of the ladies and gentlemen of the Pandora Theatre, and no out- siders asked. Now I find that only thiee or four of the men of the Company are invited, and I hear from Nita Trevenna, who has got it from young Kennedy, that several of the Boys are to be laid on for the occasion. The result is you have made me tell a regular whopper to a particular friend of mine with regard to this aflFair " Roper. \Passing his hand over his brow.] Nicko Jeyes. Cooling. " — which I will never forgive you for, Morris Cooling — neither you nor Lai Roper. As true as I am alive, I have a jolly good mind not to show, but to put on my old rags and go straight home. You are two cads. 80 take it out of that and believe me, Always yours afiectionately, Lil." THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 75 Roper. [Walking about.] Well, I'm blessed ! Cooling. [Returning the letter to his pocket.] Haw ! Tasty document ! Roper. Lying worm and a cad ! And from Miss Lily Margaret Upjohn ! [To Cooling.] Done anything about it ? Cooling. No; waited for you. [Going on with his arrange- ments at the tables.] You're responsible. What I did last night was simply to oblige a pal. Roper. [Irresolutely.] IVl better run round to her, and try to smooth her down, hadn't I ? Cooling. Perhaps you had. [/'lacing a ca7-d.] Mr. Stewart Heneage. [7'o Ropkr.] Why you wanted to mislead the girl I can't understand. Roper. Damn it, you agieed that that sulky brute Jeyes 'ud be a wet blanket ! You blow hot and cold, you do ! Cooling. There you go ! AFore filthy temper ! 76 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. If ever T assist in getting up another party ! \A$ he reaches the door on the left, he encounters Carlton Smythe, ivho is entering at that moment, and piits on his humourous manner.^ Hul-lo ! Here we are again ! All change for Oxford Circus ! Smythe. \^A bulky, slep]})/ -looking man with grey hair, a darker vioustaclie and heard, and a heavy, rolling gait.^ Ha, Lai ! Roper. I'm just going to have a word with Lil Parradell. [//e disappears and Smytue advances. Cooling. [App7'oachivg Smytue.J How are you to-night, Chief ? Smythe. [A silk hat on the hack of his head, an overcoat on his arm — regarding the prej)arations with disgust.] Puh ! Here's a muck and a muddle ! Cooling. Don't worry ; we'll clear it away in no time. Shall I tell you who are coming ? Smytue. No ; I shall know soon enough. What was the house to-night ? THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 77 Cooling. [^Producing along slip of paper and handing it to Smythe.] Big. [Smythe scans the pa])er through half- closed lids and gives a growl of contentme7it.] Ilaw ! And the weather dead against us. Smythe. [Screwing 11 p the paper, and cramming it into his waistcoat-pocket.] There's no bad weather for a good play. [Looking at his hands.] I'll go and have a wash and Ijrush up. [LuiGi returns, enterivg at the door on the left, and goes behind the counter. The icaiters follow him, carrying some melons lying upon ice in plated dishes. They deposit the dishes upon the counter and LuiGi pro- ceeds to cut the melon into slices. Cooling resumes, at a table on the left, the placing of the cards. As Smythe is moving towards the right-hand door at the back, Stewart Heneage and Gerald Crimwood — two ex- quisitely dressed youths with blank faces — enter from the landing. Smythe shakes hands with them.] Ha, Mr. Heneage ! Ha, Mr. Grimwood ! [Heneage and Grimwood imirnmr some polite expressions.] Excuse me ; I'm just going to wash my hands. [De Castro enters, also at the double-door, and Smythe shakes hands with him. Heneage and Grimwood drift over to Cooling, 7rho hails them warmly.] How do, Sam ! Back in a moment ; just going to wash my hands. De Castro. [Detaini7ig him.] I thay, Carlton. Smythe. Eh? 78 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL De Castro. [Loiverinff his voice.] I've been in front again to- night. Magnifithent! Marvellouth ! Smythe. [Eesigriedly.] It'll do ; I shall get a couple o' years out of it. De (Jastro. Tliere'th jutht one little improvement I'd like to thee, if I may thuggetht it. Smythe. What's that ? De Castro. [Linking his arm in Smythe's.] You're thure you won't conthider me prethumptuouth ? Smythe. Of course not ; very kind of yer. De Castro. [In Smtthe's ear.] If you could give Gabth — Mith Kato — a tiny bit more to do in the thecond act ! Smythe. [JVodding.] Ah, yes, yes. ' De Castro. She'th a little lump o' talent, that gal, if you only realithed it ; a perfect little lump o' talent. THE -'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 79 Smythe. [^Trying to escape.] Er — I'll think it over. De Castro. Will yer! An extra thong! That'th all it need be — an extra thong! Oh, it would be thuch an im- provement ! [Von IIettenmayer enters at the double- door. The waiters lunv go to (lie fables and lay a plate with a slice of melon upon it at each cover.] Here'th the Baron. We've been thitting together to-night, I and the Baron. \Wrivgiiuj Smythe's hand.] Thankth. [Joining Cooling and the others on the left as Smythe greets VoN IIettenmayer.] Hullo, Morrith ! [Shaking hands with Heneage and Grimwood.] Well, boyth ! Smythe. [Shaking hands with Yon Eettenmayer.] Glad to see yer. Baron. VoN Rettenmayer. Zo good of you to haf me. Smythe. Excuse me ; I'm just going to wash my hands. YoN Rettenmayer. [Detaining him.] Bardon me — one moment Smythe. Eh? VoN Rettenmayer. [Dropping his voice.] May I dake the liberdy of So THE "MIND THE PAINT " GIRL indulging in u liddle griticism on your eggccllent blay ? Smythe. Certainly. Von Rettenmayer. [Draioing Smythe avxiy from the tables.] Gome here. [//{§ mouth close to Smythe's ear.] The zecond Smythe. Second act ; what's the matter with it ? Von IIettenmayer. The pnrd where the gharming Miss Barradell is ghanging her gostume Smythe, Yes? Von Rettenmayer. That is where the biece reguires hfding — \with a gesture] lifding. Smythe. Lifting ? Von Rettenmayer. Mr. Davish — Mr. Balk — eggsdremely glever; [slip- ping his arm through Smythe's] but if you could zee your way glear to gif Enid — Miss MongreifF — anoder dance Smythe. [liodding .] Ah, h'm, h'm. THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 8i Von Rettenmaykr. It would remove the zolitary imberfection. Smythe. Er — I'll tliink it over. [Iieleasiny himself .] I'm just going to wash my hands. We'll talk about it later. Von IIetten MAYER. Schoensten Dank. [Going to the men on tite lfft.'\ Aha, Mr. Gooling! My dear Steward— my dear Jet ry ! [As Smytue is ayiim making for the door on the left, Mrs. Stidulph enters from the landing with Colonel fSTiouLPu. Smythe. [To Mrs. Stidulpu.] Ha, Dolly ! [Kissing her.] How are you, my dear? Mrs. Stidulpu. [A mature but still beautiful tvoman, gorgeously dressed and wearing showi/ jewels — with a lofty air.] How are you, Carlton ? Smythe. [TV) Stidulph.] How d'ye do, Arthur? Delighted to see yer. Mrs. Stidulph. Lucky I'm able to come to you to-night. It's so difficult to catch me in the season. F 82 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Smythe. Been in front ? Mrs. Stidulph. M'yes; \in a tone of boredom] oli, yes. Smythe. What, don't you like it ? Mks. Stidulph. Oh, I don't say I (Zislike it ; [shrugging her shoul- dei-s] but one can't forget what one used to do here in the old days. Stidulph. \^An elderly f distinguished-looking man with a meek voice and a courteous hut rather nervous man7ier.^ I've had a most enjoyable evening, Carlton. So bright ; so very bright ! Mrs. Stidulph. [To Stidulph, sneeringly.] Oh, anything pleases you ; you'd laugh at Punch and Judy. Smythe. I'm just running away to wash my hands. [Look- ing towards the men on the left.l You know Von Rettenmayer? Mrs. Stidulph. Know him ! Why, he was about in my time ! [Crossing to VoN RETTENMAYEu,yb/Zou7efZ % Stidulph.] Karl ! THE "MIND THE PAINT" GiRL 83 Von Rettenmayer. My dear lady ! [Kissing her hand perfunctorily.^ What bliss ! [Shaking hands with Stidulph.] Golonel ! Mrs. Stidulph. [Shaking hands with de Castro.] How are you, Sam? De Castro. Ah, Dolly! [To Stidulph.] Hullo, Arthur ! Cooling. [Presenting Heneage and Guimwood to the Stidulphs.] Mr. Stewart Heneage — Mr. Gerald Grim- WGod [As the Stidulphs leave Smythe, Herbert FuLKEiiSON enters from, the landing with Farncombe. In diimh-shvxi'^ Smythe and FuLKERSON greet each other and then FuLKERSox mtrodnces Farncombe. Smythe. [Shaking hands with Farncombe.] Glad to make your acquaintance. Farncombe. Glad to make yours, IMr. Siiiytlie — aiid in .such pleasant cix'cumstances ! FuLKERSON. [A whitefaced young man with red eyes and of generally dissipated ap2naraiice — espying Mrs. Sri- §4 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL DULPH.] By Jove, if it isn't Dolly Ensor ! [Hurrying to Mrs. Stidulph.] What cheer, Dolly ! Mrs. Stidulph. [Coldly:] How do you do, Mr. P\ilkeison ? FULKERSON. [f^llghtly abashed.] Oh, I — I'm pretty middlin', thank.s ; hope you're the same. [ Xoddi^tg to Stidulph.] Eveiiiii', Artliiir. [Vincent Bland has sauntered in at the door on the left and now joins the group surround- ing the Stidulphs. Bland, [Noddivg to Heneage and Grim wood.] H'lo, Stewart ! H'lo, Jerry ! [Coming to the Stidulphs.] Dolly— Colonel " Smythe. [To Farnoombe.] I'll be back in a minute or two; I'm just going to wash my hands. FULKERSON. [Calling to Farncombe.] Hi ! Eddie ! [Farncombe crosses to Fulkerson and is j)re- sented by Jam to the Stidulphs. Gabriei-LE Kato enters at the right-hand door at the bach, meeting Smythe as lie is going out. The leaders have finished setting the jilff-t^s of melon upon the tables and now withdraw, carrying the plated dishes and pj^eceded by LuiGi, at th", door on the left. THE "MISD THE PAINT'' GIRL 85 Smythe. yTo Gaurielle.] Hi, Gabby, my dear! Quite well, eh? Gabrielle. [.4 pretty young tvoman vnth a fretful little face expressive of extreme dissLtisfiction v^ith the v:orl(l — looking at Smytue spiritlessly.] This is a treat. Why, you haven't been to see us for ages. Smytiie. [Cunningly.] I see you all far oftener than you suspect. Gabrielle. Do you ? That is sly of you. Smythe. [Leaving her.] I'm just going to have a wash and brush up. Gabrielle. Really ? Oh, you a7-e full of news. [lie departs as de Castro ajrproaches Gabrielle. De Castro. [In a low voice.] Hullo, Gabth ! How are you to-night ? Gabrielle. Oh, I'm all right, I s'pose. Isn't it hot ? De Castro. [N'ot at his ease with her.] It ith inclined that way. 86 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL [Daphne Dure, Nita Trevenna, Douglas Glynn, and Albert Palk eyiter at the door on the left. NiTA is a tall, handsome girl, Daphne a plump, little, fair, hahy- faced thing. They are charmingly d,ressed, as are all the ladies of the Pandora Theatre. Glynn and Palk — the latter a short, thick-set man who jnight reasonably be a low comedian— are two prof essional-lookiiig gentlemen of the best class. The arrivals are warmly hailed by Fulkerson, Von Rettenmayer, Heneage, and Grimwood and, ivith more 7'eserve, by Mrs. Stidulph. Btidulph has seated himself icearily in the armchair on the nearer side of the f replace and, beyond listening to Bland v:ho is talking to him, has withdrawn himself from the 2^roceedings. Fulkerson. [To Farncombe.] Here's Daphne Dure — and Nita Trevenna. [Going to the newcomers.^ Hullo, Daphne ! Hullo, Nita ! How'r'yer, Douglas ! Hullo, Albert ! Daphne and Nita. How d'ye do, Bertie? [To Von Rettenmayer.] How d'ye do, Von ? Von Rettenmayer. [Kissing their hands ^^ Dear ladies ! [To Glynn and Palk.] Aha, Mr. Glynn— Mr. Balk—! THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 87 Daphne and Nita. \To Heneage and Grimvvood.] How d'ye do, Stewie? How d'ye do, Jerry? [To Mrs. Stidulph.] Oh, Dolly ! That you, Dolly ? Mrs. Stidulph. Well, girls ! FULKERSOX. Here ! I want to iutrodooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Dure — Miss Trevenna — Lord Farncombe. Douglas — Albert — Lord Farncombe, Nita. [^Pouncing upon Coolixg.] I say. Morris ! Cooling. What is it, my dear ? Nita. Is it true that little Kennedy's met with an accident ? Cooling. Yes ; can't join us. Fdlkerson. The Dwarf! What's happened ? Cooling. Ran his car into a 'bus, just outside the theatre. Nita, Oh ! 88 THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL Cooling. Pitched himself forward on to his head. ISTlTA. His head ! Daphne. [With a simper.A^ Don't be anxious, Nita; there's nothing to hurt there. Von Rettenmayer. Poor Dwarf ! [Gabrielle and de Castro now move over to the others. FULKERSON. Hullo, Gabs ! Hullo, Sam 1 Gabrielle. Ah, Bertie ! VoN Rettenmayer. [^Kissing Gabrielle's hancl.^ Gabrielle ! Gabrielle. Ah, Von ! [To Heneage and Grim wood.] Ah, boys ! [To Mrs. Stidulph.] How'r' you ? De Castro, [Shaking hands.'\ Daphne — Nita— Douglath— Albert ! THE •'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 89 FULKERSON. I want to iiitrodooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Kato — Lord Farncombe [yl band of musicians have miKstered vpon the landing and there is the sound of the tuning of instruments. Cooling. [^Hurrying aci-oss to the double-door.] No, no ; no music yet. Wait for Miss Pairadell ! [As he reaches the double-door, Roper enters qiiickhj at the right-hand door at the back and seizes his arm.] Eh ? EOPER. [To Cooling.] It's all right; she'll be round in a minute. Cooling. Amiable ? E.0PER. Angelic. She's wearing a new dress, and that's taken her mind off it. Cooling. Her bark's always worse than her bite. I knew it 'ud blow over. Roper. [For7nidabh/.] Oh, but I hai-e given her such a talking to ! [Cooling passes tlirough the double-door, and instructs the leader of the hand, loltile Roper hustles over to the throng on the left.] Kul-lo ! [Imitat- ing a street news-vendor.] Speshul edisbun, cricket, py- per ! [Shaking hands all ronnd.] Dolly— Nita — Gabs go THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL — Daphne! Douglas — -Albert! Ah, here you are, Favncombe ! [JJiscoverifig ^tibvlfb.] Hul-Io, Colonel! Results, py-per, extry speshul ! [Enid Moncreiff, Wilfrid Tavish, and Sigis- MUND Shirley enter- at the right-hand door at the hack. Enid is a long, spare-figured girl with the lissom walk of a dancer; Tavish and Shirley a7~e tall, clean-shaven men of gentlemanlike appearance. Von Rettenmayer makes for Enid eagerly and is followed, at a more moderate pace, hy Heneage, Grimwood, and de Castro, and hy Fulkerson hringing Farncombe. Von Rettenmayer. Miss Mongreifl"! [Kissing Enid's hajid tcith fer- vour-l Your dancing was more zurprizing to-night than ever. [To Tavish and Shirley.] Aha, my friends ! Enid. [Shaking hands ivith Heneage, Grimwood, and de Castro.] Well, Stew ! How are you, Jerry ! Sam ! Fulkerson. I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Miss Mon- creiff— Lord Farncombe. Roper. [Hurrying across.^ Hul-lo. here's Enid ! De Castro. [Shaking hands with Tavisii and Shirley.] Piethe went thplendidly thith evenin', didn't it? THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL gi FULKERSON. [Shaking hands with Tavish and Shirley.] I want to introdooce Lord Farncombe. Mr. Tavish — Mr. Shirley — Lord Farncombe. Enid. [Coming forioard to greet Mrs. Stidulph tcho ad- vances to her.] Dolly dear ! Mrs. Stidulph. [Embracing TLt^ib.] Enid darling! Good gracious, you're becoming an absolute skeleton ! Enid. Indeed ? Well, no one can say that of i/oii, Mrs. Stidulph. It is a pleasure, meeting all you giils to night. Of course, one can't help seeing changes. Enid. [Icili/.] Ah, it must be a pleasure, that, Mrs. Stidulph. I'm going to scold dear old Carlton by-and-by. He never gave me a birthday-party when I was with him. Enid. No ; and you had so many birthdays here, hadn't you? [Cooling returns, entering from the landing, and, 92 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL after looking at the assevibly, goes out at the right-hand door at the hack. At the same moment, Flo Connify, Sybil Dermott, Olga Cook, and Evangeline Ventris — four statuesqxie beauties with impassive faces — enter at the door on the left. Olga IS in a dark gown and Evangeline is u-earing a rather elaborate head-dress. In- stantly there is a movement in the direction of the new arrivals on the pari of Roper, IIeneage, and Grimwood. 1)e Castro and FuLKERSON follotv, Fulkerson still leading Farscombe about with hi7n. Mrs. Stidulph turns from Enid disdainfidly and joins Nita and Daphne at the fire- place. Tavish and Shirley also move to the left, where they come upon Stidulph and shake hands loith him, while Von Rettenmayer and Enid, the latter flushed with victory, seat themselves upon the settee on the right. Roper. [Hastening to the beauties.^ Hul-lo! Show your tickets, please ! Room inside for four ! [Shaking hands.] How are you, Flo ! How are you, Sybil ! How are you, Olga ! I say, look at 'Vangy ! The Four Beauties. [As the men shake hands with them, mechanically.] How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do ? THE '-MIND THE PAINT" GIRE 93 FULKERSOX. Here ! I want to introdooce Lord Faincorabe. Miss Connify — Lord Farncombe. Miss Dermott — Miss Cook — Miss 'Vangy Yentris — Lord Farncombe. The Four Beauties. \^As before.^ How d'ye do? How d'ye do? How d'ye do ? How d'ye do ? [Cooling hurries hack. Cooling. \To everybody.^ Miss Parradell ! [^Opening the double- door andsignalliiKj to theleader of the band.] Now ! [7'Ae band strikes tip the air of '* Mind i/ie Paint," as Lily enters at the right-hand door at the back ivith Jim.mie Birch. Lily is dressed in lohite, and altogethtr fulfils exterioi'ly Dover's description of ^^ angelic." She carries a large bouquet of lilies and pale roses ivith a broad ribbon f owing from it. All the mtn but Farn'combe, u-Jio holds aloof j/ress round her, Stidulpu rising and joining them. The ladies follow. The Men. [Struggling for her hand.] Many happy returns of the day ! Alany happy returns of the day ! Many happy returns of the day ! JiMMIE. [Battling imth the men.] Keep away from her ! Bertie, you're on her frock ! Mind her frock ! 94 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Roper. Mind the paint ! Some of the Men. Ha, lia, ha ! Lily. [Ilohling her honqiiet above her headS^ My roses ! Be cai'eful of me, boys ! One at a time ! The Men. Many happy returns of the day ! Lily. I want to kiss the girls. Girls; ! \^The men make tc ay for the ladies who come to Lily. The Ladies. Many happy I'eturns of the day ! Lily. [Embracing them.] Sybil — Nita — ! Oh, Mrs. Stidulph ! — Enid— Daphne — Gabs — Flo dear — Olga -'Vangy ! Palk. \Sudde7ily.'] Here's the guv'nor ! [Smythe enters at the door on the left. LuiGi and the waiters are behind him, the toaiters carrying trays on which are sugar-casters and dishes of pov}dered ginger. At once tJiere is a movement towards Smythe of everybody except those who have already THE '-MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 95 greeted him, and Lily who is detained hy Roper and others. Tavish. How are you, guv'nor ? Some of the Ladies. How d'ye do, Mr. Smythe ? Other Ladies. \^Hustling /<('/;*.] How are you, Carlton ? Smythe. [/n the midst of them all.^ Girls, girls! I'll shake hands with you all in turn, girls. Enid. Thought you were dead. Daphne. Yes ; look at Olga — she's in deep mourning. Some of tue Ladies. • Ha, ha, ha ! Smythe. \^S}ia]cing hands.] Don't, girls, don't ; you're smother- ing me. Lily. [Durijig a momentary lull, finding Fauncombe standing before her and raising Iier eyebt'oivs.^ You ! [Giving him her hand carelessly.] Oh, it isn't long before we meet again, is it ? 9 6 THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL Smythe. \Puffing and blowing.^ That's the lot of yer. Pliew ! Where's Lily ? Lily here ? [The crowd divides, to allow him to advance. Seeing Lily, he oj)ens his arms and she goes to him and laijs her head upon his hreast.^ Lil — [patting her shoulders^ my dear ! LlL\\ [Half gaily, half tearfully?^ Ha, ha, ha ! Carlton ! Smythe. Go'blessyer ! [In another tone^ Well, what about something to eat ! LuiGi. Ready, Mr. Smythe. [Loudly.\ Ladies and gentle- men, sujiper is ready ! Smythe. Ha! Cooling. [At the principal table.^ Here you are, Chief! Miss Parradell ! Smythe. [To Lily.] Come along ! [There is a general hunt for jflaces and much hubbub a.nd confusion. Cooling. [Calling to Uoper.] Lai, that's your table. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 97 Roper. [Imitating a shop- walker.] Mr. Ropei', forward ! Cooling. Mrs. Stidiilph ! Lord Farncoinbe ! [Poialiag lo another table.] Glynn, you're there. Bland. Here you are, Daphne ! Roper, [At his table.] Miss Kato, wanted ! De Castro. [Callimj to Gabrielle.] Gabtli ! NiTA. [Callhuj to Heneage.] Stewie ! Cooling. Baron — Enid Von Rettenmayer. Aha ! Cooling. [To Stidulph.] Over there, Colonel. FULKERSON. [WanderitKj about.] Where am I? Where am /? Nita. [Pushing him aside.] Oh, be ofl"! Lily. [Calling.] Jimmie ! u 98 THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Cooling. [Ai his place at a table.] Olga, you're here. Mr. Grim wood ! FULKERSON. Wliere am / ? JiMMIE. [7'o FuLKEHSON.] Next to me, worse luck. [Screwing tip her face at Am.] Ugh ! Roper. Ladies' mantles on the second-floor ! Cooling. Where's Sybil ? Daphne. [Calling.] Syb ! Syb ! [The curtain falls., hut the music of '^ Mind the Paint " continues for a while. Then it ceases and, after a short silence, the curtain rises again. The supper-tables have dis- appeared and the saloon is empty of people. The musicians and their music-stands and stools have also gone, and faintly from the distance comes the sound of a waltz. Two settees, matching the rest of the furniture, nmn stand in the centre of the saloon hack- to-back, one of them facing the counter, the other facing the spectator. Lily's houq'uet lies on the nearer of the two settees, and upon the floor there is a fan, a red rose that has fallen from a lady's corsage, and a pocket-ha7idke7'chief with a powder-puf THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 99 peeping from it. On the counter there are carafes of lemonade, decanters of spirits and syphons of soda-water, a bowl of straw- berries- ajid-creain, various dishes of cakes, boxes of cigars and cigarettes, a lighted spirit-lamp, and other adjuncts of a buffet. Colonel Stidulph wanders in through the double-door as the waltz comes to an end. Feebly and dejectedly he goes to the counter, takes a cigarette, and is lightijig it when LuiGi and the waiters enter the door on the left. Tivo of the waiters are carrying bottles of champagne in ivine coolers, another brings a tray on which are cham- pagne-glasses and tumblers, and the bearded waiter follows loith a large dish of sand- wiches. LuiGi. \^Behind the counter — to Stidulpu, familiarly .^^ Ain't you dauciiig, Colonel ? Stidulph. Dancing — I ? [Shaking his head.] No. LuiGi. [Who speaks Cockney English with a slight foreign accent — cutting the toire of a champagne bottle.] Why, you used to be a regular slap-up dancing man when I tirst knew you. Stidulph. [Nodding.] Ah, ah ; [moving away] my dancing days are done. loo THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL LuiGI. Done ! Oh, I like that ! I bet you ain't sixty, come now, eh ? Stidulph. What'8 the time, Luigi ? I haven't a watch on. LUIGI. Time, Colonel ? [Looking at his ivatch.] Twenty to three. Stidulph. No later ? \_Sitling on the settee on the right, ivith a sigh.^ Oh, dear ! [One of the ivaiters goes out, in obedience to a direction from LuiGi, at the door on the left as Heneage enters with Enid, Grimwood with NiTA, and VoN Rettenmayer with Mrs. Stidulph at the right-hand door at the hack. A wisp of hair has fallen over HENEAGE's/ore/ring you anything? JiMMIE. [Wrapping the puffin the handkerchief tenderly and slipping it into her hosom.^ A liqueur of petrol and a lucifer-match. io8 THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Bland. [Leaving her.^ Oh, go on ! Mrs. Stidulpii. [To Von Rettenmayer.] And then to give it all up, as I was idiot enough to do when I married, and for a life as dull as ditch-water ! If ever a woman sacrificed herself in this world ! [FuLKERSON and Daphne e^iter at the door on the left and hiorri/ to the counter. FuLKERSON. [Boisierousli/.^ Time! Time! [To those standing at the counter. ^^ 'Low me. 'Low me. [To Luigi.] Glass o' lemonade and a whiskey-and-soda. Quick with the whiskey -aiid-soda. Mrs. Stidulph. [To Yon Rettenmayer.] But I don't intend to stick to that arrangement. If I can't get back into the theatres, there are the halls ! I was telling the Colonel this morning • Roper. [A2)pearing before Mrs. Stidulph, his programme in his hand.] Ours, Dolly. Von Rettenmayer. [Rising ivith alacrity.] Aha ! [Bowing to Mrs. Stidulph.] I yield with relugtance. [Roper sits beside Mrs. Stidulpii and Von Rettexmayer hastens to Enid. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 109 Roper. [To Mrs. Stidulpii.] Another waltz. Daphne. [To Heneage, who is claiming her.] Wait till I've finished my drink, Stewie. Bland. [To NiTA.] Nita. NiTA. No ; this is with Douglas. Bland. Nothing o' the sort. Nita. [Referring to her ji^'ogramme.] You're correct ; my mistake. De Castro. [Coming to Gabrielle loho is talking to Sybil.] Gabth. Gabrielle. [Dolefalbj.] Oh, you again ! De Castro. [Mortijied.] Afraid tho. [The sound of distant music is again heard, and there is a great deal of bustle as the vieii claim their partners. Tavisii goes to Evangeline, Grimwood to Flo, Talk and Glynn to Olga and bYBiL, and gradacdbj the assemblage melts away. no THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL FULKERSON. [Coming to Jimmie, lolto is conning hei' programme, and standing before her — reading from his programme.] " Vawlse. Cry dee cure." Jimmie. \]Vith withering accuracy.] " Valse. Cri de caeur." FuLKERSON. [Wagging his head.] Veiy likely. Come along, Jimmie. Jimmie. [Rising and shaking herself out.] Jane to you, if }ou please. FuLKERSON. Tosh ! Jimmie. I was christened Jane, Uerhert. FuLKERSON. Well, I wasn't at the christening, see. Jimmie. No ; but if you are not more careful of those feet of yours while you're waltzing, you will be at my funeral. [She takes his arm and they go out at the door on the left. Smythe, Stidulph, Cooling, and 'iiiii'&YMY follotv, talking together. All the couples ha.ve now disappeared except Von Rettenmayer and Enid and Farn- combe and Lily. Von Rettenmayer and THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL in Ex ID are at the counter, where Luigi is giving Vox Rettexmayer a glass of cham- pagne, and the waiters are busi/ing them- selves in collecting the soiled glasses, plates, etc., which have been left upon the mantel' piece and chairs. The bearded waiter comes to Lily aiid she hands him her plate. Farxcombe. [To Lily.] Shall we go down ? [She rises, leaving her bouquet upon the settee, and is about to put her arm through Farn- combe's lohen she checks herself and looks at her programme. Lily. [Frowning^^ Tsss ! Farxcombe. Eh? Lily. [In a low voice.'\ One, two, three, four — ! Why, this — this is our fifth dance ! Farncombe. [Softly.] Yes. Lily. Five out of eight ! Farncombe. [Looking at his pi'ogramme.] And 10, 12, and 14 are mine, too. 112 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [ iVith a movement of her shoulders, accej^ting his arm.] How unfair ! Farncombe. l^Asthey go to the right-hand door at the back.'] Unfair? Lily. To the others. I can't think what made me so thoughtless. [They disappear. Two of the toaiters carry out the soiled glasses, etc.; another follows toith the ices, and the bearded waiter icith the strawberries-and-cream. After a while, LuiGi also withdraws. Enid. [Leaving the co«iX'OMBE and seats herself upon the further settee in the centre. Farncombe. \^After the waiter has withdraw?!, producing his programme.] Number Nine. " Tivo Step. Mind the Paint." [To Lily.] Of course, you — you are engaged for this ? Lily. And you, surely ? Farncombe. No, I — I kept it open, in case — in case Lily. [^Decidedly.] I dance it with Morrie. Farncombe. Mr. Cooling ? 124 THE ■•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. Morrie Coolinsf. Farncombe. [After another jxiuse, sittinrj, behind h&)', upcyn tlie nearer settee.] Miss PanadeU. Lily. Well? Farncombe. I wonder whether Mr. Cooling would let you off. Lily. I shouldn't dream of asking him. Farncombe. No, but— may / ? Lily. \_IIaughtil7/.] I beg you'll do nothing of the sort. Farncombe. Forgive me. [There is ajurther pause and then she turns to him. Lily. Why I spoke so — so sharply to you — was Farncombe. You didn't speak sharply to me. Lily. Was because I've been very nasty wiih Moriie- THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 125 wiote him a furious letter — and I want to make it up to him. Farncombe. Ah, yes. Ltly. I called him a pig, and other tilings ; I hate myself for it. Farncombe. A pig? Lily. [Smilmg.] Still, that's no reason why I should be nasty with you. Farncombe. [Laughingli/.] And call me a pig. Lily. [Tmpulsiveli/, kneeling upon the settee so that she may compare her programme ivith his.] Look here ! Fifteen — the last but one. Are you fixed up for Fifteen ? Farncombe. No. Lily. No! Farncombe. I kept it open — in case Lily. [Merrily.] Ha, ha — ! [Checking herself, severely.] I might be able to give you Fifteen. [Farncombe 126 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL scribbles on his jii'ogramnie eagerly.^ Don't count on it, please ; but it's booked to Mr. Fiilkerson, and Bertie's not always to be depended upon at that hour. Farncombe. Thank you — thank you — tliank you. \_She resumen her seat and he jiimps up and goes to her.^ That I'e- minds me. May I ask who is going to see you home, Miss Parradell ? Lily. See me home ? Farncombe. It would be an honour that I should — appreciate — - more than I can — find words to express. Lily. [Rising, sternl)/.^ I am very much obliged to you. [JVaJking away front, him again.^ I dare say Mr. iloper will see me home — and Mr. de Castro — and Mr. Bland FAR^'COMBE. [FoUoioing her, nnhappily.] I — I hope — I — I hope I haven't offended you. Lily. Not in the least ; [in a frigid tone] only I am in the habit of relying on old friends for those little services. [Stidulph enters from the landing and again wanders to the counter and to the cigarettes. The " Mind the Paint " air, to the time of a Two Stej>, is played in the distance. THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 127 Farncombe. [Boiving to Lily sliyhthj and draioing himself fiji.'] Shall I — take you to Mr. Cooling? Lily. \]Vith diyniti/, inclining her headJ^ AN'ill }ou ? [She is putting her hand through his arm when the look upon his face softens her. She drops her voice to a whisper.] Have I hurt you ? Farncombe. Oh, I deserve the rebuke. Lily. No, you don't. [Genthj.] You may leave me at my door, with the others, it" it will give you any satis- faction. \^As they walk to the door on the left, they are met by Cooling. Cooling. \To Lily, breathlessly.] Haw ! Here you are ! Lily. \Leaving Farncombe, her manner altering completely.] Come on, Morrie ! [Her feet moving to the music ^ Ti'a, lal, la ! Tra, lal, la ! [Giving her bouquet to Farn- combe.] lli-i-i-i-i ! Bring my flowers ! Cooling and Lily. Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la ! [They run out, half dancing . 1 28 THE ''MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Stidulph. [Calling to Farncombe, ivho is folloioing them.] Lord Farncombe ! Farncombe. Yes? Stidulph. [Going to him.] Will you spare me a moment? Farncombe. [A little impatientli/.] Er — certainly. Stidulph. [Laying a shahy hand on Farncombe's arm and leading him away from the door^ Excuse me for what I'm going to say to you. I — I know your father — knew him very well years ago — and your mother. [With deep feeling ?[ My boy — my dear boy Farncombe. [Surprised?^ Colonel ? Stidulph. I — I — I'm sorry to find you in this set. Farncombe. \Stif{yl\ What do you mean ? Stidulph. Don't be angry with me. I'm an old man — and an old fool ; but it's from the fools that the useful lessons are to be learned. THE '-MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 129 Farncombe. [Withdratoing his arm from Stidulph.] I really don't understand you. Stidulph. Try to. Not now — another time ; when this music isn't exciting you, nor these pretty women. Think it out by yourself ! You're at the beginning of your career, my boy. Remember me — the old fool who's brought his to a miserable end — and that I cautioned you — cautioned you ! [LuiGi hurries in at the door on the left, followed hy a waiter carnjiwj a tray, and by the waiter with the beard. LuiGi. [Lait(jhiiig.'\ He, he, he, he ! [Behind the counter, preparing drinks.'\ Look out, gentlemen ; you are losing it all. They are having a romp — a fine lark. [Farncombe goes out at the door on the left.] Make haste, Colonel ; make haste ! [STiuuLPn goes out, slowly, at the right-hand door at the hack.] Whiskey- and-soda for Mr. Tavish ; liqueur of brandy — Mr. Grimwood. [The waiter carrying the tray goes out with the drinks at the door on the left.] Ha, ha, ha ! [Singing to the music] Tra, lal, la ! Tra, lal, la ! [LuiGi is folloioing the waiter who has carried out the tray when the bearded waiter, coming to the nearer settee in the centre, calls to him. The Bearded Waiter. [Sitting upo)i, tlie settee, griijjly.] Luigi. 130 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL LUIGI. [Halting.] Eh? The Bearded Waiter. \^Tahing out a handful of money and selecting some gold from ti.] Here! [Puttiyig the gold into LuiGi's palm.] For your chaps. LuiGi. Oh, you are spoiling them. The Bearded Waiter. [Giving some more gold pieces to LuiGi.] For you. LuiGi. [Bowing low.] Thank you very much. [With a polite grin, as he disposes of the coins in different pockets.] Hope you have enjoyed yourself, Captain. The Bearded Waiter. [Speahing in the voice of Jeyes.J Thoroughly. [Quietly, between his teeth.] Warm work, though ! [Rising slowly, like a man with stiff joints.] I'll be off now, with your permission. LuiGi. See you at lunch, Captain ? Jeyes. Pi'obably. [Nodding.] Good-night, Good morning. [He slouches away to the door on the left and tJiere stops, listening. There is the sound of people approach- The "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL iT,i ing, singing i(,p'oariously and shouting and laughing.] Hullo ! LUIGI. [At his elbow.] Ho, ho, lio, ho ! [LuiGi goes out into the corridor and Jeyes retreats hehind the counter. The noise in- creases and 'presently Fulkekson rushes in, flourishing his arms madly. He is followed by Glynn and Shirley tvho are carrying Lily upon their interlocked hands, and by Palk u:Jto is helping to support her. Then come Heneage ajid NiTA, Grimwood and Daphne, Tavisii and Flo, Von Rettenmayer and Enid, de Castro and Gabrielle, Koper and Mrs. Stidulpii, Farncombe and Jimmie, Bland and Evangeline, Cooling and tSYBiL, and Smythe and Olga. Singing tJie chorus of the " Mind the Paint " song, and dancing to it irildly, ihey circle the saloon tu-ice, go out at the right hand door at the back, return at the door on the left, and finally dis- appear through the double- door and along the landing. The iraiters, u-ho have brought lip the rear of the p-ocession, gather, with Luigi, i7i the left-hand corner, clajrping their han/ls, and Stidulpii returns, enter- ing at the right-hand door at the back. Lily. [Waving her bouquet and shrieking tcith laughter.] Ha, ha, lia, ha ! Don't drop me ! Don't drop me ! i32 THE •■Mir^D THE PAINT'' GIRL Heneage and Grimwood. [Yellmj.] Whoop! Whoop! FULKERSON. [Deiiriousli/, endeavouring io stand tipon his head,^ Wh-o-o-op ! JiMMIE. [Breaking from the rank and jumping on io the further settee — singing.] " Mind the paint ! Mind the paint! A girl is not a sinner just because she's not a saint ! " Lily. Ha, ha, ha ! You'll drop me ! Oh ! [As the procession passes out of sight, folio ived hy LuiGi and the iraiters, Jeyes departs at the door on the left and Stidulph once more goes io the counter and lights a cigarette. END OF THE SECOND ACT. THE THIRD ACT The scene is Lily's boudoir — a room upon the second Jfoor of htr house, adjoining her bedi'oom. The decorations, though delicate, are gay, with a good deal of pink in them. In the wall facing the spectator are troo doors, one on the left, the other in the centre. The left- hand door o])ens into the room from the landing, lohere the staircase is shown ; the centre door admits to the bedroom. In the right-hand icall there are two sash-windows giving a view of the tops of trees grouniig in a square ; in the opposite wall, the grate hidden by a low, painted screen, is the fire- place. A pi-ettily designed *^ fitment " runs along the left-hand wall and the further wall, taking in the fireplace and doors as part of its scheme. On either side of the fireplace there is a cupboa7'fl with drawers beneath it ; between the door on the left and the door in the centre is a similar cupboard ; and. on tJie right of the centre door, extending to the right-hand w(dU there is a wardrobe with sliding doors. The cupboard doors are glazed and curtained in pink silk. In the middle of the room, a little to the right, there is a large and comfortable settee., and on the ^33 134 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL left of the settee is a table littered with books, magazines, a scent-atomizer, a small silver f7rimed mirror, a cas", of manicure instruments, a box of cigarettes and a mMch-staad, and other odds and ends. Behiiul the table there is a fauteuil-stool, and on the right of the table a cosy arm-chair. A second arm-chair stands apart, bettoeen the table in the centre and the fireplace. On the extreme left of the room, on the nearer side of the fireplace, there is a box-ottoman ; on the other side of the room, by the nearer windov), are a small writing-table and chair ; standing across the right-hand, corner, the key-board towards the further loindoiv, are a cottage-piano and a music- stool ; and at the back of the piano there is another small chair, with some soiled gloves %ipon it. A quantity of music is heaped untidily on the top of the piayio ; one of the vmrdrohe doors is oj)en, revealing some dresses hanging within ; and the edge of a lace petticoat, vjith its insertion of coloured ribbon, peeps oxit from under the carelessly -closed lid of the box- ottoman. Two milliners hat-boxes are on thefioor by the ottoman, and a pair of satin slippers are lying, one here, one there, under the centre table. The windoro -blinds are down but the daylight is seen through them. [The door on the left opens and Lily, still carrying her bouquet, enters and makes straight for the 'windmos and draws up the blinds, letting in the clear, tnorning light. She is followed by Enid, Gabrielle, Daphne, and Jimmie and they by Farn- THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL i35 COMBE, Von Rettenmater, de Castro, Roper, Fulkerson, and Bland. Theij are all pale and haggard, and slightly dis- hevelled, but everybody seems broad awake except Daphne, tvho is borne doton by sleepiness. Some of the men are smoking. Lily. [Laying her bouquet upon the table in the centre as she crosses to the ivindows—to the women.] Come in, dears; [drawing up the blind of the nearer windov)] come in, boys. Take oft' your things for a minute. Fulkerson. [Whose inebriety has reached the argumentative stage.] Working classhes ! Don' talk t' me 'bout tii' working classbes ! JiMMIE. H'sh ! Shut up, Bertie. Fulkerson, I'm s'h'ick o' th' ve'y mention o' tli' name — working cUisshes ! JiMMTE. Sit on his head, somebody. We shall wake Ma and the servants. Lily. [Taking off her wrap and hanging it up in the ward- robe.] Don't woiry ; you won't wake 7???/ servants. And mother's bound to hear us ; she sleeps so lightly wlien I'm out, 136 THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL Daphne. \Ga2nng violently/.] Oh-li-h-h ! JiMMIE. [Clapping her hand over Daphne's inxouth^ Man- ners ! FULKERSON. [Depositing his overcoat and hat upon the fanteuil- stool.] One 'ud 'magine th' woiking-man'sh th' on'y per- shon who ever does day'sh work ! flidiculush ! Yon Rettenmayeu and Bland. Ha, lia, ha, ha ! De Castro. Thome truth in what Bertie'th thayin', though. For inthtanthe FULKERSON. [With great disgust.] Br'ish working-man ! Roper. By Jove, yes ! When I think o' the work Mr. Lionel Hesketh Roper manages to dispose of in the course of a. day ! [Von Rettenmayer and de Castro have placed their overcoats and hats itpoji the chair at the hack of the piano and Farncombe, Bland, and Roper have piled theirs on the arm-chair on the left. Enid and Gabrielle throiv their tvraps upon the settee, Daphne drops hers upon the hox-ottoma/n, and THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 137 JiMMiE jmts hers over the arvi of the chair by the centre table. Lily. \To evenjhody.] I'll just run upstairs and tell mother that all's serene. [She goes to the door on the left ; Farncombe, Bland, and IIoper get in each others way in their desire to oj)en it for her.] If any of you want a drink, you must hunt for it youi'selves in the dining- room. [7*0 Roper.] You play host, Uncle Lai. [She disappears, turning to the left aiid ascend- ing the stairs. Roper. [Briskly.] Now, then, give your orders, gents! [Coming forivard.] Ladies, don't all speak at once. Fulkerson. [3faMng for the door.] I'll have sma' whiskeyan' soda. [He goes along the landing and doivn the stairs. Bland. [Following him.] No, no ! Bertie ! Bertie ! JiMMIE. [Seated in the arm-chair by the centre table — to Roper.] Stop it. We'll have trouble enough to get that boy home as it is. [Roper hurries out after Bland and Fulkerson. Von Rettenmayer and de Castro also move to the door. 138 THE '•MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Yon Rettenmayer. [To Enid, xoho is sitting toith Gabrielle on the settee.] Enid ? Enid. A glass of soda-water. Gabrielle. Same for me, Von. Von Rettenmayer. [To Jimmie.] Jiramie ? JiMMIE. No, thanks. Von Rettenmayer. [Looking down iipon Daphne, who has cm-led herself up on thehox-ottoman and is already mleep — sentiment- all 1/.] Baby — baby Daphne. [Half sighing, half moaning.] Ah-h-h-h ! Jimmie. [To Von Rettenmayer.] Don't disturb her. Let her have her snooze in peace. Von Rettenmayer. [Still contemplating Daphne.] Shall I In'ing you your boddle, you preddy liddle bal)y ? Enid. [Annoyed.] Don't be an idiot, Karl, [^ode Castro, v^ho is talking to Farncombe.] Sam, will 7/0.'/, fetch me some soda-water? THE "MIND THE TAINT" GIRL 139 Vox Rettenmayer. \_To Enid, hestlrring himself. \ I beg bardon. [//e goes out, with de Castro. Enid has taken the mirror from the table and now looks at herself in it. Enid. What a sight ! [To Gabrielle.] I wonder whether L'l would mind me going into her bedroom ? Gabrielle. [Taking the mirror from Ei-no.] Of course she wouldn't. [Viewing herself with dismay. \ Oh, I'm yellower than you ! [She jumps up, throtving the inii-ror upon the settee, and goes to the door in the centre. ILyiiD follows her and the tiao girls open the door narrowhj and withdraw. Jimmie rises and picks up the mirror. Jimmie. [ With one knee vpon the settee, surveying herself.^ Ugh, you lovely creature ! [Glancing at Farncombe as she readjusts a comb, and finding that he is gazing at her earnestly.^ Turn your face to the wall, please ; I'm about to use my puff. [Suddenly, loith rapid movements, he shuts the door OH the left, gives a quick look at Daphne, fissures himself that the centre door is closed, and comes to Jimmie. She stares at him in astonishment. I40 THE ••MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe. [Standing at the back of the settee — in a loiv voice.] Miss Birch, you're Miss Parradell's frienc' — her great friend. Will you be a friend of mine too, and do me a service ? JiMMIE. [Startled.] It — it all depends Farncombe. Beg her to allow me to remain behind, with you, for a few minutes after the others have gone. JiMMIE. Remain — you and I ? Farncombe. And then, if she will, will you wait in the next room while I speak to her ? Miss Birch, I — 1 must speak to her. JlMMIB. W-w- wouldn't — to-morrow ? Farncombe. It is to-morrow notv. It's day. JiMMIE. [Dropping her eijes.] She's tired. Farncombe. Five minutes — no longer. [Entreatinghj.] Won't you ti'y to arrange it for me ? THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 141 JlMMIE. [Purshig her lips.] H'm ! I'd stay ; delighted. [Demurel)/.] It doesn't matter how tiied / feeL Farncombe. [Coniriteli/.] I'm a brute ! JiMMIE. But I really think the m-ranying is your job, Lord Farncombe. Fakncombe. I know I should make a bungle of it with all these people round me, and attract attention. You're clever. JiMMIE. [liaismy her eyes to his, abruptly.] Look heie! Do I guess correctly ( Farnxombe. What ? \^She pulls him towards her and uihisjjers into his ear. He nods. She whispers again, breathlessly, and then releases him. JiMMlE. Eh ? Eh ? Farncombe. [Drawing back and facing her, firmly.] Yes. JiMMIE. [Walking away, in a fititler.] Uh ! Oh ! Oh ! 142 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe. You'll help me? \_SJie pauses, deliherating.^ You'll help me ? JiMMIE, [Itetuniing to him, with an air of prudence.^ I tell you what I will do. [^Pointing to the ivritiny - table. ^ Scribble her a note — a line — and I'll give it to her. That won't attract attention. I've no objection to do that for you. Huriy up ! [He sits at the writing -table and searches for writing materialsA^ In the drawer. [ZTe opens a drawer and takes out a sheet of note-paper. Sta)h(ling at the other side of the table, she selects a pen and hands it to Ai??i..] A " J " suit you ? Farncombe. [TaMng the pen from her?[ What shill I say? JiMMIE. Ho, ho ! Well, I never ! [He ivrites.^ Oh, but it isn't exactly a love-letter, is it? Simply say — what was the expression you used just now? — "will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Birch alter the others have gone?" Farncombe. [Writing.^ Thank you. JiMMIE. [With a little wriggle.] Call me Jimmie if you like. Farncombe. Thank you. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 143 JlMMIE. \Knitting her brow thoughtful! ij.] I suppose 30U ought to give her an inkling, though — the merest hint — of the reason^ oughtn't you ? Farncombe. [Looking tt/-.] Ought I ? JlMMIE. Well, you don't want her to think it's only to chat about the weather ! Farncombe. For heaven's sake, don't chaff me ! \lcrUmg^^ " — after the others have gone ? " [Biting his pen.] How would this do? "I know I am presuming a lot, but I — I can't leave you — I can't leave you till I — till I have asked you — till I have asked you the most im- portant question a man can put to a woman." JiMMlE. Oh, but that's ideal ! [Gabrielle reappears.] Dash these girls! [To Gabrielle, tvhose complexion is much imp'oved.] Lord Farncombe is writing me out a remedy for freckles. Isn't it sweet of him ? Gabrielle. [Moiirn/Hllr/.] Freckles! If you want to see a martyr to freckles, knock at mj/ door. [Enid retuDis, mith lips that are a little too red, as Von Rettenmayer and de Castro re- e7iter at the door on the left. They leave the 144 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL door' open. Von Rettenmayer is carrying a syphon of soda- water and de Castro two tumblers. The men put the syphon and tumblers on the centre table and Von Rettenmayer fills the glasses and he and DE Castro hand them to Enid and Gabrielle. Von Rettenmayer. [7^0 Enid and Gabrielle.] I hobe we haf nod kepd you waiding. De Castro. Beitie'th l)een makin' himthelf a reg'lar iiuithantbe dovvnthairth. Enid. Poor Bertie ! Pity he has this little failing. Gabrielle. []Vith mild enthusiasm.] Yes, there's not a nicer boy in London than Bertie, bar that. De Castro. Flieth to hith head tho ! \_Tlie fonr continue talking. Jimmie has gone back to Farncombe, tvho is still ivriting, and is watching him impatiently. Jimmie. [To Farncombe, under her breath.] Do be quick ! [Hastily he blots his note andfohls it. Bland, FuLKERSoN, and Roper appear on the landing, issuing from the staircase, and THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 145 there they are joined by Lily, loho comes doivn the stairs. FULKERSON. [On the landing, to Lily, indignantly.] Lirry — Misspa'dell JiMMIE. \To Farncombe.] Here she is ! Roper. \To FuLKKRSON.] Now, then ; have it out with Lily ! Lily. What's wrong ? [Farncombe rises and slips his note into Jimmie's hand. FuLKERSON. [To Lily.] Mosht unjusht'fiable treatmen' 'n th' part 'f these gen'lemen ! Von Rettenmayer. [Listening, ivith the others at the centre table, to ichat is going on upon the landing.] Ha, ha, ha, ha ! JiMMIE. [To Farncombe, over her shoulder.] Good luck ! Bland. [To Lily.] The youth is irate with ns for cutting off supplies. [Lily enters with Fulkerson ; Roper and K 146 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Bland following. Bland strolls over to the piano, lau(/hing. FULKERSON. [To Lily.] M' aigumen' is this. When a gen'Ie- man'sh invited b' th' lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f refreshmen' Lily, [To FuLKERSON.] Be quiet, Bertie, or I'll box your ears. [Joi7iing the grov]) at the centre table.] Ho, ho ! I've had such a wigging for asking you up. Mother says we girls'll look as ugly as sin on the stage to-night. Enid. So we shall — hags. Lily. [Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table.] I feel as fresh as paint. [To Gabrielle.] Give me a sip. [De Castro hatids Gabrielle's glass to Lily. Fulkerson. [Gaziiig at Daphne stupidl}/ and singing to himself.] " Oh, the gals ! Oh, the gals ! I am awfully fond of the gals ! " Yon Rettenmayer, Roper, de Castro, Exid and Gabrielle. [Chiming in with Fulkerson lightly.] " Be they ebon or blond, Of the gals I am fond ; " ! Ha, ha, ha, ha ! THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 147 Bland, H'sh, h'sh ! Ma's quite right. [Seating himself ai the piano.] One more turn and then let's clear out. Lily. \Jumpin(j up.] Hurrali ! [To Roper, c^s Bland runs his hands over the key-board.] Shut the door, Uncle Lai. Von Rettenmayer. Aha! One more durn! [I'o Enid.] Enid ! FULKERSON. [Singing.] " I am dreadfidhj fond of the gals ! " Roper. [Closing the door.] Clioose your partners, gents ! [Very softly Bland p/ays tlie melody of a languorous song and instantly Vox Rettenmayer and Enid ana DE Castro and Gabrielle dance to it — Vox Rettex- mayer an'l Enid at the hack, de Castro and Gabrielle near the piano.] Jimmie ! [Jimmie passes Lily to go to Roper. As she does so, shepresses Farncombe's note into Lily's palm. Jimmie. [To Lily, in a whisper.] Rat-tat, says the postman ! [Catching hold o/Roper and sivinging him 7'ound.] La, ra, ral, la ! Lily. [To Farncombe, tvho is standing by the writing-table.] Lord Farncombe ? 148 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL [Farncombe goes to her and they dance together. FULKERSON. [To Daphne, tapping her on the shoulder.]^ Missdure, may I have th' grea' pleasure ? [^Shaking her.] Missdure — Missdure Daphne. [Starting uj).] Oh! [Looking round vnldlj/.] Oh ! FULKERSON. [Dancing with her.] Pray 'xcuse th' absence 'f gloves. Daphne. [Fainth/.] Oh ! Oh, I— I thought I'd gone to bed ! [With their hands on each other s shoulders, the co7(ples, sivaying from side to side, half sing, half murmur, the refrain of the song, Moderalo. -V- ^^F^-J=^;j=rirj^ ^^f^ -t^=^ If you would on- ly, on - ly love me ; If you would =:2:d2 SB -^^^^^^'1 is:; --r^"" s iitr THE "MIND THE PAiNT" GIRL 140 ~N :£!?- ^z-^z^=^ -- ^ fe^ i 7 ^r-a w /■ — J res:. '-rail.. -Gi- for me, I will be yours, be yourj some day 1 -It- "^W^ ^ I colla vo. e. ^- id^^ S^EE -H- =F=F [7'Ae refrain is repeated, the dancers droning to it loith a buzzing sound, and then Bland returns to the melody. Lily. [As she dances, recollecting the note she is holding and O'pening it.] What's this ? [ Reading the note, Iter arm resting upon Farncombe's shoulder.] " Dear Miss Parradell. . . . [glancing at the signature] Farn- coiiibe"! [?'o Farncombe.] From you ! itjo THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe. Yes. Lily. [Reading.] " Will you allow me to ? " [She reads to the end silently, and then she stops dancing and they stand for a moment look- ing confusedly at each other. Then, with an er.j)ressionless face, she slips the note into her dress and they dance again, singing the refrain as before. Bland. [At the finish, shutting doion the lid of the piano and risvng.] Ladies and gentlemen, the festivities con- nected with Miss Pairadell's birthday are over. [Leav- ing the piaiio.] Our lives will now resume their normal, serious course. Von Rettenmayer. [Regretfully.] Ah-h-h-h ! [The ladies put on their ivraps, the men their overcoats, and there is a great deal of stir aud chatter. De Castro assists Gabrielle ; Von Rettenmayer, Enid ; Fulkerson, Daphne ; and Farncombe, Jimmie. Lily joins in the talk and bustle with forced animation. Jimmie and Farncombe glance at her, and then, inquiringly, at one another. Roper. [Putting on his overcoat with Bland's help.] Well, THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 151 nobody can say the affair liasn't been a binlliaiit suc- cess ; that's one comfort. Gabrielle. Wouldn't be true if they did. [To de Castro, irritabl)/.] You've got it inside-out. Lily. [To Enid and Gabrielle, kneeling iipon the settee.^ Ah, yes, haven't we had a splendid, splendid time ! Enid. Splendid ! Vox Rettenmayer. A gharming pardy ! De Castro. Abtholutely A 1 ! Von Rettenmayer. [Singing.^ " Venus, seinen Nacken beut Dir Dein Sklave, dienstbereit ! " Lily. [Running to Ropkr and seizing his hands.] A vote of thanks to Lai for his shave in getting it up ! Bland. [Slapping Roper oh the back.] Bravo, Lai ! Some of the Otuers. Bravo, Lai ! 152 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [ Walking ahout.^^ And to Carlton ! Bravo, Carlton ! Some of the Others. Bravo, Carlton ! Bravo, Smytlie ! De Castro. [Putting on his overcoat!] Don't forget Morrie Cool in' ! Lily. No, don't forget Morrie. Dear old Morrie ! Some of the Others. Bravo, Morrie ! De Castro. There hath n't been a hitch from tlitart to finish, in fact. Lily. [At the nearer side of the table again.] Not a hitch. FULKERSOX. [Kememhering his grievance.] I beg yo' par n — no' a 'itch ! [In difficulties ivith his overcoat.] When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th' lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f some re fresh men' Some of the Others. Ha, ha, ha, ha ! Gabrielle. [Coming to Lily and kissing her.] So long, dear. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 153 [Enid, Daphne, and Jimmie also come to Lily, who embraces them demonstratively, and the men follow. Lily. [To the girls.] Ta-ta ; ta-ta ; ta-ta ! I won't come down. Enid. No, no ; we'll let ourselves out. [Leavhig Lily.] Till to-night ! Lily. Till to-night ! [Shakinj hands with the men.] Ta-ta; ta-ta ; ta-ta ! The Men. Ta-ta ! Ta-ta ! Ta-ta ! Von Rettenmayer. [Kissing her hand slyly.] Goddess ! Lily. [To Bland, in a whisper.] Take care of Bertie. [Everybody moves to the door, except Lily loho remains standing in the middle of the room. Some are on the landing, some in the doorway, irhen she calls to lloi'EK and JiMMiE.] Uncle Lai ! Jimmie ! 1 want to speak to you two for a second. [ lloPEH and Jimmie detach themselves from the rest and return.] Oh — and Lord Farncombe ! [Farxcombe also returns and Lily, passing him, goes on to the landing and mixes u-ith the others.] Be off; Lord Farncombe and L:il will look after Jimmie. Vincent, yon close the front-door. No noise ! Au revoir, mes enfants ! [She watches them 154 THE "MIND THE PAINT'' GIRL descend the stairs and, he)' manner softening, comes hack into the room.^ Lord Farncombe wants to have a quiet talk Avith me, Uncle Lai — about — about something, and he's asked me to let him remain behind with Jimmie for a few minutes. [To Jimmie.] But there's no necessity for you to wait, dear. Jimmie. Don't consider me. Lily. But I do. Go upstairs and tell mother that Lord Farncombe's with me. Say I promise he shan't stay long. [To IloPER.] You'll lake Jimmie home, won't you, Lai? Roper. [llis eyes bolting ^^ W-w-with pleasure. Lily. [To Jimmie.] I shall see you again later in the day, perhaps ? Jimmie. Rather ! [Throiving her arms round Lily's neck and pressing her cheek to Lily's.] Rather ! [To Roper, signi- ficantly.^ Sit in the ball till I'm ready. [She runs out on to the landing, pausing at the door to hestoiv a 2)arting nod and a smile upon Farncombe, and ascends the stairs. Roper. [In a state of great excitement and exhilaration — to Lily.] Yes, yes, I won't keep you and — [_winking at her and jerking his head, in Farncombe's direction] THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 155 from your tete-a-tete. [Patting It e?' face gleefully. '\ Ha, lia, ha, ha ! [7\iking her hand, his own quivering.] Lil, Uncle Lai you call me, but I've always felt more like a parent towards you — acted as such, hey ? Lily. Y-y-yes, Lai. Roper. And any happiness that befalls you— any happiness that befalls you — [chokiiig] I'll leave it there. God bless yer; God bless yer ! [bustling over to Farxcombe who, his hat in his hand, his overcoat on his arm, is standing near the piano] and God bless you, my lad ! [incoherently] I'm proud^proud to have the honour — and to have been the means of — the means of — wringing Farxcombe's hand] God bless you both ! He goes to the door and tJiei'e finds Lily.] I — I — I — I'll drop in by-and-by and— and — and inquire after you, my pet, Lily. [Faintly.] All riglit, Lai. Roper. [Patting her fojce again.] Ha, ha, ha, ha ! [ With a hop.] Wiirrr-roo ! Stand away from the lift ; no more passengers this journey ! [He waves to Farncombe gaily and departs, closing the door. There is a short silence and then Farncombk places his hat and overcoat %ipon the chair by the piano and turns to Lily. 156 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe. [7n a low voice.'\ It's awfully kind and gracious of you to have granted my request, and frightfully selfish of me to have made it. I deserve to be kicked. Lily. [S'loioly advancing to the table In the centre — avoiding his gaze.] Is — is Jimmie aware of precisely what's in your note ? Farncombe. Y-y-yes. yDi'aiving nearer to her.] I hope you won't be angry with me for confiding in her. You see, I— I Lily. \^At the further side of the table, fingering one of the objects upon it.] And shell confide in Uncle Lai. [^S'hrugging her shoulders.] Oh, but dear old Lai appears to have summed up the situation pretty accurately as it is. [IVith an artificial little laugh.] Ha, ha, ha ! Well, I'm afraid they'll be horribly disappointed, poor wretches. Farncombe. [^Blankly.] Disap-pointed ? Lily. [Raising her eyes to his and shaking her head at him.] You — you silly boy ! Farncombe. [Coming to her quickly.] Ah, please — please don't take that tone with me, I'm no boy. And I'm simply THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 157 mad abovit you. If you don't marry me, I — I — I'm done for. Lily. H'sh ! Nonsense ; not you ! Farncombe. It's true. Life'U be over for me from that moment, if you refuse to marry me. Lily. [Mockijigli/.] Over ! Farncombe. Oh, love is all on my side at present, naturally ; but, as God hears me, it'll be no fault of mine if you don't grow to love me in time. Lily. Listen ! Farncombe. I'll worship you — worship you. I do worship you ! Lily. H'sh ! Lord Farncombe Farncombe. Eddie ! Won't you ? Lily. Certainly not. Farncombe. Do! Eddie! Eddie! 158 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. Eddie, then- Ah ! Farncombe. Lily. Sit down a minute. [A'Ae goes to the settee and sits there, somewhat 7-uffledy and he moves to the arm-chair by the centre table and also sits, his elboics on his knees, bewliny towards her. She pushes her hair back from her brow impatienthj, as if vexed ivith herself.^ Lord Farncombe — Eddie — ^for how long have you known me? Farncombe. What does it matter ? I — I admit Lily. Reckoning our acquaintance from last week — from the afternoon Bertie brought you here, when we scarcely spoke to one another — you iiaven't known me for as many days as you can count on your fingers. Farncombe. I've watched you — watched you in the theatre Lily. On the stage ! Ho, ho ! Oh, you — but I mustn't call you silly boy again, must I ! And what do you know of me, apart from the glimpse you've had of me ofl' the stage, and my being a shining light at the Pandora ? What do you know of my — what's the word ? — origin — where and what I've sprung from ; THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 150 how I was reared ; how much education I've received ; how much I've contrived to pick up of the way to behave in /;erlite society ? You can judge from poor mother, if from nothing else, that I come from humble beginnings. Yes, but houi humble you couldn't dream, [making a grimace] not after a supper of raw carrots ! Farncombe. Do you think I care how humble your beginnings were ! What I do know — .what I am sure about — is that you're good — and beautiful — -and — and — and gifted — and— and — [leaning hia head on his hands] oh, I can't describe you ; you're — you're — to me, you're perfect. Lily. [After a 2)anse, looking at him with blinking eyelids.] You — you dear ! [He raises his head. She changes her tone instantly.] Merci ; yes, perfect, ^^oi^r le moment. Hear my French ! [Taking the box of cigarettes from the table.] Have a cigarette? Don't get up. [She tosses him a cigarette and he catches it.] My name's printed on them — "Lily." [Lighting a cigarette.] Isn't it chic ! Farncombe. [Producing his cigarette case and exchanging her cigarette for one of his oion.] I'll never smoke that. Lily. [Pushing the match-stand totvards him.] Stoopid ! Now, attend to me. What do you say to a tiny provision shop in Kennington, over the water ? i6o THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe, Was that ? Lily. \^Nodding.^ H'ni ; that was my start in the world. Father kept a small shop in Kennington — Gladwin Street, near the Oval. We sold groceries, nnd butter and eggs and cheese, and pickled- pork and paraffin. I was born there— on the .second floor ; and in Glad- win Street I lived till I was fourteen. Then father smashed, through the Stores cutting into our little trade. Well, hardly smashed ; that's too imposing. The busine.ss just faded, and one morning we didn't bother to take the shutters down. Then, after a while, father got a starvation berth — eighteen shil- lings a week ! — at a wholesale bacon warehouse — Price and Moseley's — still over the water; and I earned an extra five at a place in the Westminster Bridge Road, for pasting the gilt edges on to passe-partouts from nine a.m. till six in the evening. Farncombe. [///s head bowed again.'\ Great heavens ! Lily. Not a syllable against the passe-partouts! They were the making of me. It was the passe-partouts that brought me and Tedder together. Farncombe. Who? Lily. Tedder, In the house where I worked, a man of THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL i6i the name of Tedder — Ambrose Tedder — taught danc- ing — stage dancing — "Tedder's Academy of Saltatory Art" — and every time I passed Tedder's door, and heard his vioh'n or piano, and the sound of the pupils' feet, I^ ! [Breaking off and throiring herself hack.\ Oh, lor', if once I— — ! Fa RN COM BE. Go on ; go on. Lily. Well, ultimately Tedder took me and trained me — did it for nix — for what he hoped to get out of me in the future. Ah, and he hasn't lo.st over me — poor old Ambrose ! He collared a third of my salary for ever so long ; and now that the old chap's rheumaticky and worn out, I — oh, it's not worth mentioning. [Jumping up and iralking awai/.] My stars, he could teach, could Tedder ! I began by going to him for the last twenty minutes of my dinner-hour. He wanted to stop titat, because it was had for uie, he said, to practise on a full — a full — ! Ha, ha, ha ! On a full — ! [Behind the table, resting her two hands upon it and shaking n-ith laughter.] Ho, ho, ho! As if I ever had — in those days ! ■ Farncombe. []Vrithing.] Ah, don't— don't ! Lily. [Brushing the tears from her eyes.] I was a pupil of Tedder's for twelve months, and tlun he got me on at the Canterbury ; and from the Canterbury I went to Gatti's, and from Gatti's to the Lane, for a few lines L i62 THE "MIND THE PAINT GIRL in the pantoruime and an understudy — my first appearance in the West End — [singiiig^ " Oh, the West End is the best end ! "— and from there I went to the old Strand, and there Morrie Cooling spotted me, and that led to me being engaged at the Pandora, where I ate my heart out, doing next to nothing, for two whole years. Then came the production of The Duchess of Brixton, and it was in The Duchess — thanks to Vincent Bland — that I sang the " Mind the Paint " song. He believed in me, did Vincent ; he saw I was fit for something more than just prancing about, and airing my ankles, in a gay frock. By Jupiter, how he fought for me ; hoio he fought for me, up to the final rehearsal ! And to this day, whenever I indulge in a prayer, you bet Vincent Bland has a paragraph all to himself in it ! [Checking herself and coming to Farncombe.] Oh, but — I needn't inflict quite so much of my biography on you, need I? [//e rises^^ Sorry. 1 merely wanted to tell you enough to show you — to show you ■ Farncombe. [Close to her, gazing into her eyes.] To show me what a — what a mangel you ai'e ! Lily. [Pleased.] Ha, ha ! Oh, I'm not chucking mud at myself really. Why should T ! Many a woman 'ud feel as vain as a peacock in my shoes. Fancy ! From the shop in Gladwin Street to — -[wilh a gesCit7-e] to this ! And from Tedder's stuffy room in the West- minster Bridge lload to the stage of the Pandora, as principal girl ! THE •'MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 163 Farnc'ombe. [Tenderlij.] Wonderful ! Lily. [Can'ied aivay by her narration and putting her hands upon his shoulders familiarly .^ Yes, and all the schooling I've ever had, Eddie, w;\s at a cheap, frowsy day-school in Keniiington, with a tribe of other common, skinny-legged brats. Imagine it ! Farncombe. ^Taking her hands!] I can't imagine it ; I defy anybody to. Lily. \Unthinkingly alloioing him to retain her hands.] Everything I've learned since — except my music, and that I owe to Tedder and A^incent — everything I've learned since, I've learned by sheer cuteness, from novels, the papers, the theatres, and by keeping my ears open like a cunning little parrot. \^SoftlyJ\ Ha, ha ! That's what I am — a cunning little parrot! Farncombe. [Laughing with her.] Ha, ha ! Lily. [Tossing her head.] Ho, I dare say, if I had the opi)ortunity, I could imitate the fine lydies you mix with, so that in less than six months you d hardly know the ditierence between them and me! i64 THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Farncombe. [Holding her hands to his bi'east.] There is no difterence already ; there is none. Lily. Isn't there ! [Ahnost nestling up to hhn.^ Ah, you should see me in one of my vile tempers. [\VistfullyP[ Then — then you wouldn't — ! [Becovmig conscious of her jjroxiniity to Jiim, she hacks away and stands riihbing the palms of her hands together in einbarrctssment.] Anyhow — anyhow it isn't my intention to give you a chance of comparing us. Farncombe. [Under his breath.] Oh — Miss Parradell ! Lily. [Oollecting herself] No, I — I'm not going to let you make a fool of yourself over me, if I can help it. Farncombe. Fool ! Lily. [Facing him and. speaking q^detly hut firmly.] Recol- lect, however shrewd and apt I may be, and however straight I've managed to keep myself, still — I'm only a Pandoiu girl, and should always be remembered as one by your chums and belongings. Only a Pandora girl. Nothing can alter that, dear boy ; and you mustn't — you mustn't handicap yourself by hanging me round your neck. THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 165 Farncombe. [ITeavili/.] I — I shouldn't be the first of my sort to marry a " Pandora girl," nut by half a dozen or more. Lily. No, but — without wishing to flatter you — I don't quite put you on a level with Robbie Kinterton, and Glenroy, and Geurgie Fawcus, and — that crew, [Cheer- fidli/.] And so I mean to take care of you — to take care of you for your own sake and for your mammy's and daddy's. \_iShe turns from him and fetches his hat and coat and gives them to him. He receives them from her with a dazed look.] Time's up. [After a silence du7'inShe shuts the loindoio and comes to the settee and, silting there, takes of her shoes. Then she goes (loivn upon the floor inelegantly, hunts for her slipj^ers, and puts them on. As she rises, the door on the left is pushed open and Mrs. Upjohn ^:)ee/>s incautiously. Mrs. Upjohn. [In a dressing -goivn and vith her hair, now very scanty, tightly screiced up.} Lil ? Lily. [Stiffening herself and speaking in a cold, level voice.] Oh, I was just coiiiiug up to you, mother, to get you to undo me. Mrs. Upjohn. [Bustling to Lily.] I didn't mean to, but I fell off. [Unhooking Lily's dress.] It loas the front-door I 'eard a minute ago, then ? It gave me sech a start. [In difficulties with the hooks.] Turn more to the light, dearie. These dre.-sniakers do it a' purpose, I b'lievo. The 'ooks on that noo gown o' mine are a perfect myst'ry. Wot's this ? Lily. [Twisting her body.] Oh, don't fiddle so, mother ! Mrs. Upjohn. You did let im stay a time, Lil. 'Eaps to talk over, elj ? iSS THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL Lily. [^Stonily.'] Heaps. [Trying to assist Mrs. IJpjonN.] Oh ! Mrs. Upjohn. Well, dear; well, well! Tell me wot's took place. Don't keep me in suspense. Lily. I shan't tell you anything, mother, till I've had a sleep. I must go through the .'^heets first. [^Stamping herfoot.^ Oh, tear the thing ; tear it ! Mrs. Upjohn. 'Ave you consented to make 'im 'appy, poor young gentleman ? That's all I want to know, Lil. [Over- coming a hook.^ There ! Lily. Thank you, mother. [Slipping her arms out of her dress.] I can manage the rest. Mrs. Upjohn. But, Lil, dearie — - — ! Lily. Oh, for mercy's sake, leave me alone! [Violently.] Why can't you leave me alone ! Mrs. Upjohn. Ho ! Very good ! [Moving axoay indignantly as Lily, vjith shaking fingers, unfastens a necklace.] This is my reward for layin' awake 'alf the night, is it, an' for thinkin' of you, an' wonderin' about you! Un- THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL 189 grateful little puss, you ! \Going towards the door.'\ After this, you can keep your afluirs to your.-