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 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 THE 
 
 TOLL BAR, 
 
 OTHER POEMS. 
 
 By JOHN YEWDALL, HUNSLET. 
 
 iltmlron : 
 
 PRINTED FOR CHARLES STOCKING, 
 
 PATERNOSTER-ROW ; 
 AND ROBINSON AND HERNAMAN, LEEDS. 
 
 1827,
 
 
 SUBSCRIBERS IN PARTICULAR, 
 
 PUBLIC IN GENERAL, 
 
 THE FOLLOWING SHEETS 
 
 ARE VERY RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED, 
 
 BY THEIR HUMBLE SERVAN'T, 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 

 
 PREFACE. 
 
 The little volume now offered to the public, 
 is the production of one who has been always in 
 humble circumstances. Having lost his father 
 when in childhood, and being the oldest of an 
 important charge left to the care of his widowed 
 mother, whose limited income and want of means 
 to obtain instruction for him, rendered it neces- 
 sary that he should be put to business at a very 
 tender age, he was deprived of obtaining the 
 usual routine of juvenile knowledge, and never 
 received more than three weeks' education. 
 The mention of this fact, he humbly hopes, will 
 tend to smooth the way for its acceptance with 
 the public, and soften down any feeling of 
 asperity against the author or his publication 
 (which is, throughout, couched in his own native 
 ^tyle), that may be entertained by those who
 
 VI PREFACE. 
 
 have enjoyed the privilege, and feh the advan- 
 tages, of a refined course of learning. At a 
 proper age, he was apprenticed to a tradesman, 
 whose humanity towards him will ever live in 
 his grateful remembrance. During his servitude, 
 the Author spent his leisure hours in unre- 
 mitting diligence to mental improvement ; and, 
 among other acquirements, before its term was 
 expired, had learned to work correctly every 
 question in Walkmgham''ii Arithmetic. On its 
 completion, he felt a strong inclination to obtain 
 the situation of an officer in the Excise, but, 
 after repeated attempts and failures, he was 
 obliged to abandon his design, from the want of 
 a friend, possessing sufficient influence to procure 
 liini an appointment. Having formed a matri- 
 monial connexion, he continued, for some time, 
 to work at his business as a cloth weaver ; but 
 endeavoured still further to instruct himself, by 
 an application to the study of the lower branches 
 of the mathematics, and occasionally answered 
 
 I
 
 PREFACE. VU 
 
 ■ questions inserted in the newspapers and other 
 periodicals, the answers to some of which were 
 printed in the LeeAs Independent, under the 
 signature of " J — Y — , Hunslet." About 
 seven years ago, a serious depression affecting 
 the woollen trade, he obtained a situation as 
 toll collector, which occupation he still follows ; 
 and as persons of that description are, in his 
 opinion, a class of men who meet with much 
 unmerited abuse, he has written the " Toll Bar,'' 
 with a view of exhibiting the various scenes of 
 life, and the reflections which may be produced, 
 by an attentive observation of the occurrences at 
 a Turnpike Gate. 
 
 The manuscript of this publication having 
 been shewn toa literary gentleman, who expressed 
 an opinion that it would bear publishing, he 
 was desirous to ascertain whether a sufficient 
 
 - number of subscribers could be previously 
 obtained, and accordingly had a few pros- 
 pectuses printed and distributed. The result
 
 Vlll PREFACE. 
 
 was, that, in the course of two months, upwards 
 of 200 copies were ordered, and the work was 
 immediately put to press. 
 
 The Author, having thus given his readers a 
 brief sketch of himself and his poems, submits, 
 with great deference, his first and feeble efforts 
 to the candour of the public, hoping they will 
 exercise that forbearance which the circum- 
 stances under which he is placed may seem to 
 demand ; and begs permission to subscribe 
 himself. 
 
 Their most obedient servant, 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
 Hunslet Toll Bar, June 23, 1827.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 The Toll Bar, Canto 1 1 
 
 Canto II 20 
 
 An Address to the Commissioners of the Leeds and 
 
 Harrogate Turnpike lload 42 
 
 A Wedding O'Trust 47 
 
 Eternity. An Acrostic 52 
 
 Lines in praise of Yorkshire Cloth 53 
 
 To a Friend in Affliction 54 
 
 Coronation Festival 55 
 
 On the Death of Queen Caroline 58 
 
 On the Formation of a Sick Club 59 
 
 Description of the Methodist Chapel, Pannal (51 
 
 The Shearmen 62 
 
 Lines sent to a Young Lady 64 
 
 On the Death of George Dyson 65 
 
 Reply to a Charge against the Soup Subscription 66 
 
 Acrostic for a Shoe Maker 6^ 
 
 To Mr. Wm. Thirkill, to beg a Hare 68 
 
 A Pulpit in JNIourning for a Lawyer 70 
 
 On a Visit to a Sunday School 71 
 
 Kconomy 73 
 
 The llemnant shall be saved 74 
 
 On hearing a Sermon at Pannal 76 
 
 On hearing the llev. George Smith 77 
 
 An Elegy on Mr. Wm. Dawson 78
 
 X CONTEMS. 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 The Balloon 81 
 
 Almias Crag 83 
 
 The Toll-Collector and the Spider. A Fable 87 
 
 The Exciseman and Fly Ditto 88 
 
 Impromptu on the Times 89 
 
 Yorkshire Election 90 
 
 Acrostic, with Virgil's JEneiA 92 
 
 The Wandering Jew 93 
 
 The Fisherman 94 
 
 Epistle to Old Abraham 95 
 
 To a Young Gentleman in company with a Lady .... 96 
 
 Speculation, or a Sketch of the Times. 97 
 
 An Enigma 98 
 
 Philanthropy. An Acrostic 99 
 
 An Anagram 100 
 
 Saturday 101 
 
 Sunday Morning 102 
 
 Mr. Peel and the Criminal Code 104 
 
 Notes, &c 107
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 Awake, my muse, and strike the lyre. 
 While I in humble strains aspire. 
 
 To sing the toll-collector ; 
 Or things seen at a turnpike gate. 
 For curious tales he can relate. 
 
 Of all men he's inspector. 
 
 The toll-man's cares I first will name, 
 Poor fellow how he meets with blame. 
 
 His character's an ill one ; 
 For if he takes what's right and just. 
 Makes all men pay and will not trust, 
 
 Thev'll call him rogue and villain. 
 
 A thankless office he doth fill, 
 In bed he seldom can lie still. 
 
 For one short hour together ; 
 For when a team comes to the gate. 
 It makes no matter, soon or late. 
 
 Or fair or foul the weather. 
 
 B
 
 THE TOLL BAlt. 
 
 He must arise and let it through : 
 Some men will curse and call him too. 
 
 If he's not ready waiting; 
 Some will get drunk, and shout, and shock 
 Your ears,^ if 'tis past twelve o'clock, 
 
 They'll stand an hour debating. 
 
 " 'Tis not past twelve o'clock I swear, 
 If thou don't ope this gate dost' hear, 
 
 I'll make thee pay severely ; 
 Past twelve o'clock the fellow lies," 
 
 " Yes, sir, it is," the bar-man cries, 
 " 'Tis one o'clock or nearly." 
 
 To pay fresh toll he's very loth. 
 At length he ushers forth an oath. 
 
 And pays it in a passion ; 
 " Here shabby rascal," he'll exclaim, 
 " I'll pay it thee, but 'tis a shame, 
 
 " Take it if thou can fashion. 
 
 He takes it, opes the gate, and off 
 He gallops, crying with a laugh, 
 
 " I've kept thee from thy bedding." 
 Thus he's abus'd, mistim'd, and blam'd. 
 By what > Gentlemen, they'd be nam'd, 
 
 Alas ! they show their breeding.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 3 
 
 Some such as these are masters too. 
 Hence what will not their servants do. 
 
 To cheat him if they can sir : 
 They'll tell him master's not at home, 
 But they will pay next time they come, 
 
 Or any other plan sir. 
 
 Perhaps they'll try some other scheme. 
 And if they can but once dupe him. 
 
 They'll laugh within their bosom ; 
 Now such like wicked men as these. 
 Harden a bar-man, by degrees. 
 
 He'll trust none, 'less he knows 'em. 
 
 Jf strangers, they must strip or pay. 
 It matters not what e'er they say. 
 
 He thinks all men deceivers : 
 Hence saddles, bridles, collars, whips, 
 Hos3es, and sheep, he takes and keeps. 
 
 Till paid by their receivers. 
 
 And if not own'd within five days, C^^J 
 
 He's authoris'd to sell, always 
 
 Charging for all expenses ; 
 I knew a man once, out of many. 
 Who paid two guineas for a penny, 
 
 But where could be his senses ? 
 
 B 2
 
 THK TOLL BAR. 
 
 He left his horse just like a fool. 
 Before he'd pay the man his toll. 
 
 The twelfth part of a shilling : 
 Of course 'twas advertised to sell. 
 For where he .liv'd no one could tell; 
 
 Own him, — he might if willing. 
 
 But this he would not do I say. 
 Until it reach'd the very day. 
 
 The terms were stipulated ; 
 The sale was going to commence, 
 When forth he stepp'd, paid the expense. 
 
 Which I before have stated. 
 
 Another man whom I could name 
 Was equally, aye, worse to blame. 
 
 For his sole aim was cheating ; 
 He neither pledg'd nor paid, but rode 
 Smack through the gate-way, on the road 
 
 He heard the toll-man greeting. 
 
 Calling out " Stop sir, do you hear. 
 You have to pay, Ave take toll here. 
 
 For horses, beasts, and asses ;" 
 " Aye, how much then is thy demand ?" 
 " Two pence, sir," — " I'll not pay be d d. 
 
 As soon go on Pegasus.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. O 
 
 Spurring his horse, he gallop'd off. 
 Within himself no doubt he'd laugh. 
 
 And say, " I'll beat him hollow ; 
 I never rode this way before. 
 My name he cannot know I'm sure. 
 
 The man's a fool to follow." 
 
 Howe'er the toll-man made him out. 
 And by a summons he was brought. 
 
 Before a worthy Justice ; 
 Who ask'd him " why he did not pay," 
 He hung his head, and then did say, 
 
 " I know at Bars no trust is. 
 
 I had rode through the gate 'ere he,. 
 Demanded any toll of me,^' 
 
 (And here this man was lying ;) 
 " Well ! either at the Gate will do 
 Or after having passed through (b) 
 
 You heard, there's no denying." 
 
 So thirty shillings he was deemed 
 To pay, for fine and costs, and seem'd 
 
 Pleas'd 'twas no more, and paid it : 
 For he was worth thousands of pounds, 
 He cours'd and hunted Avitli the hounds — 
 
 But was this to his credit ?
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 Of more convictions I could tell. 
 
 Both the men's names, and where they dwell. 
 
 But you don't like such cases ; 
 Henceforward then I'll change my plan. 
 Instead of writing 'bout one man. 
 
 Divide men into classes- 
 Some will come boldly to the gate, 
 Chicanery they seem to hate, 
 
 A dirty action scorning ; 
 And if the man goes out for toll. 
 With all sangfroid they'll say quite cool, 
 
 " I paid your -wife this morning." 
 
 Hearing she hastens to the door, 
 
 " You've not paid me," says she, " I'm sure," 
 
 This puts him in a wonder : 
 At length with aU simplicity, 
 " O this is not the bar," says he, 
 
 " I'm sorrry for this blunder." 
 
 Some at a gentle easy pace, 
 
 WiU come and stop just at the place. 
 
 Where toll is mostly taken ; 
 " We have a ticket," they'll declare, 
 " The toil of seeking it you'll spare. 
 
 And take our ^vord we reckon."
 
 THE TOLL BAK. 7 
 
 " No sirs, the ticket you must show, 
 'Twas printed for that use you know. 
 
 Else what's the use of giving ;" 
 Their pockets then they'll rummage o'er, 
 " We had a ticket that we're sure. 
 
 The man's hard in believing. 
 
 But here we are, and here we'll stay. 
 No more" says one, " I'm sure we'll pay. 
 
 Gig-toll is very heavy." 
 " Well sir, pray how much have you paid ?" 
 " Why eightpence," he directly said, f c^ 
 
 " What shameful tolls you lev)^ 
 
 The man gave us a ticket too. 
 
 And told U3 it would get us through 
 
 This gate, without more paying :" 
 " This was not on our road 'tis clear, (d) 
 
 It evidently doth appear. 
 
 By what you've now been saying. 
 
 For every gig pays sixpence there, * 
 
 And with a ticket threepence here, t 
 
 So full toll is my due sir ;"^ 
 
 • Al the rirst Bar. f At the Second Bar.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 " Here take thy sixpence then, I'm sure 
 Sucli impudence I can't endure, 
 
 Thou'rt nought but a traducer." 
 
 Others, who have a ticket too. 
 
 Will plague the man ere they will show. 
 
 And try to rouse his passion : 
 " I hav^e a ticket in my cuff. 
 What thou'lt believe me well enough. 
 
 To shew I've no occasion." 
 
 " No sir, you know the ticket must 
 Be shown ; how can we toll-men trust. 
 
 To what some men will tell us ;" — 
 " And so thou'lt not believe me then. 
 If I'd my will of turnpike-men, 
 
 I'd send them to the gallows." 
 
 Then out his ticket he will pull. 
 And say here take it stupid fool. 
 
 Poor, vile, suspicious creature ; 
 With anger he can scarcely retch. 
 His passions wrought up to the pitch. 
 
 With pride, and sour ill-nature. 
 
 A miser next came within sight. 
 And there he stopp'd ; he saw a sprite 
 No doubt, by his expression ;
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 For wafted on the breeze it came. 
 With leave I'll just repeat the same, 
 So pardon this digression : — 
 
 THE ]\nSER'S SOLILOQUY AT THE SIGHT OF 
 A TURNPIKE. 
 
 What a monster I see stand 'cross the road, 
 
 I'd rather by half see a serpent or toad ; 
 
 If 'tis not well fed 'twill put forth its sting. 
 
 And if you run from it what poison 'twill fling ; 
 
 I once deluded one of the same breed. 
 
 But afterwards sorely repented the deed ; 
 
 By telling a lie I got from its paw. 
 
 But soon was pursued by a " limb of the law ;" 
 
 Wlio made me pay dearly, — from which cause 
 
 I always remember its old greedy jaws : 
 
 Three mouths it has got to take in its food, 
 
 ^\llich it doth by wholesale, bones, hair, flesh, and 
 
 blood ; 
 Legs too it hath, yet it seems rather queer. 
 It stands where it has done for many a year : 
 No belly it has, nor yet needs one much. 
 Its keeper dotli carefully empty its pouch : 
 As bees from all flowers extract only honey, 
 Su it from its prey doth exact only money :
 
 10 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 Which is put within its voracious maw, 
 While they are allow'd to escape from its paw ; 
 Though fed every hour it never says nay. 
 No meal times he sticks to but feeds all the day ; 
 Though so often serv'd it still is but thin. 
 You quickly may count every bone in its skin : 
 See ! highwayman-like, it waits for its prey, 
 Determin'd to rob all who travel this way : 
 What can I do, at the bank I should be. 
 Before four o'clock — 'tis already past three. 
 If I was to walk and then be too late. 
 No interest of course for this day I should get ; 
 Curs'd be my uncle, who'd not leave this purse. 
 Unless I would promise to keep his old horse ; 
 But he's dead and gone, next week is the fair, 
 I'll sell his old favourite as sure as I'm here ; 
 For taxes and tolls would ruin a lord. 
 To keep hunting horses I ne'er can afford ; 
 If he'd stopp'd at home and liv'd at his ease. 
 And not been expensive in creatures like these ; 
 (Three thousand he left,) he would have left ten ; 
 And oh ! how I'd Avept for his memory then. 
 But I to the bank must go with all speed. 
 Ah ! curs'd be yon monster he Avill have his feed.
 
 THE TOLL BAK. 
 
 So onward he rode to the gate. 
 
 And though he'd no time there to wait. 
 
 He try'd the keeper sorely ; 
 For when the man had twopence said. 
 He rubb'd his eyes and shook his head. 
 
 Saying, " thou'rt mistaken surely. 
 
 One penny is all I shall give," 
 
 " For shame, sir, this horse I perceive. 
 
 Belongs to Mr. Creevy." — 
 " Yes so it did but Creevy's dead. 
 We've bury'd him this morn," he said, 
 
 " And I'm his only nephew." 
 
 "I'm sorry sir, indeed, for that, 
 How cheerfully he us'd to chat. 
 
 And pay his toll so ^villing ;" 
 " Aye, that he did, I do believe, — 
 Come then three-half-pence I will give, 
 
 I'm sure thou hast no feeling." 
 
 " No less than twopence sir will do ;" 
 " Here take it then and let me go. 
 
 Thy master's standing gaping ; 
 But 'tis the last thoul't get from me :" 
 And off he Avent, thus friends you see. 
 
 How misers will be scraping. 
 
 11
 
 12 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 The man of honour lion-like. 
 
 Ere he'll be stopp'd, wiR swear he'll strike. 
 
 And send him to the devil ; 
 Drest in his military coat. 
 All kinds of oaths he knows by rote. 
 
 Perfect in works of evil. 
 
 When on King's duty he's toll free. 
 If in his master's livery. 
 
 If not why chang'd the case is ; 
 Hence at some bars it doth appear. 
 He serves his King three days a-year, 
 
 I mean just at the races.* 
 
 Some men there are with minds so base. 
 They'll wear a sanctified face. 
 
 And talk about religion ; 
 Rather than pay the man his toll. 
 They'll tell him how to save his soul. 
 
 So wishful to oblige one. 
 
 With all the zeal of righteousness. 
 Pretend to pity him, and bless 
 
 With words, as sweet as " honey ;" 
 
 * It should be remembered the above verses refer, in 
 particular, to the 1st (King's) Dragoon Guards.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 13 
 
 Then softly whisper in his ear, 
 " I'm sorry friend, as I live here. 
 To-day I have no money." 
 
 Another sort I have to name. 
 Men who pretend to be in fame. 
 
 And wish all men to know it ; 
 'While others pay, they'll look with scorn. 
 And say, " I'll pay as I return, 
 
 I've credit and I'll show it. 
 
 " I can have trust here any day. 
 The toll-man knows I always pay, 
 
 I do not like such fumbling ;" 
 " Aye, aye," the bar-man softly says, 
 "'Tis true enough he always pays. 
 
 But then it is with grumbling. 
 
 I never like to credit such. 
 
 They always thinks I charge too much, 
 
 I wish they'd pay when going ; 
 I've told them so 'ere now, but then, 
 I scarce can ever grieve such men. 
 
 Their fame they will be showing." 
 
 With such like folks I'm oft surprized. 
 It seems when money they've once seiz'd, 
 (Like children with fine patches.)
 
 14 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 They'll keep it, as long as they can. 
 To look at ; such is yon same man. 
 For him the toll-man watches. 
 
 A quaker next comes gently up, 
 " Thou'st no demand of me I hope, 
 
 I left my ticket yonder ;" 
 " Yes, sir, each gig pays sixpence here, 
 You've not come on our road I hear;" 
 
 O'er this he seems to ponder. 
 
 " Mine's not a gig thou wilt perceive, 
 A cart pays less I do believe. 
 
 Pray mind what thou art doing •" 
 " Here sir, a cart pays something more," * 
 " Here take thy sixpence then I'm sure, 
 
 ^Tis high time I was going." 
 
 All you that think this tale is odd. 
 When you meet " Friends" upon the road. 
 
 Observe their gig wheels' axis; 
 And though you'll think 'tis rather queer. 
 You'll seldom see a spring put there. 
 
 Because such pay no taxes. 
 
 • Viz. : — Seven-peHce halfpenny.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 15 
 
 Next comes the drover with, his sheep. 
 The toll-man counts, his wife doth keep 
 
 The scores, by pence or chalking ;* 
 Meanwhile the man will rave and shout. 
 To drive the nuntibers fairly out. 
 
 By laughing or else talking. 
 
 And if they're told exactly o'er. 
 
 He'll swear " point blank" they're wrong a score, 
 
 The woman is mistaken ; 
 Such men as these I know there are ; 
 While others are well pleased to hear. 
 
 The man correctly reckon. 
 
 See yon unconscionable wretch. 
 Whose horses every nerve do stretch. 
 
 To pull his loaded waggon ; 
 In good repair too is the road. 
 Yet though he doth both whip and goad, . 
 
 Still they can scarcely drag on. 
 
 " I'm nearly at the bar," says he. 
 What he'll not Avant so much of me. 
 This morn I'll dupe him fairly ; 
 
 • It IS a common practice at all toll-gates for the man to 
 count the sheep through the gate, and the woman puts 
 down a penny, or else makes a stroke with chalk, for every 
 
 score.
 
 16 
 
 THE TOTJ, BAR. 
 
 I know I have a double load ; 
 I think since I was on this road, 
 'Tis twenty years or nearly." 
 
 Just then the toll-man call'd aloud, 
 
 " Here wap-ironer, come drive this road. 
 
 On to this weighing engine ;" 
 " Alas !" said he, " I quake for fear. 
 There us'd to be no engine here. 
 
 How this man doth unhinge one." 
 
 Howe'er it was drove on, and then 
 The overweight was six pounds ten. 
 
 So much for all his cheating ; 
 He'd save so much in tolls he thought. 
 But ah ! this engine found him out. 
 
 His horses too were sweating. 
 
 Some folks perhaps who live hard bye. 
 Will come up to the gate, and cry, 
 
 " You know John we are neighbours. 
 Another will style himself " friend," 
 And yet the toll-man's mind to bend. 
 
 How diligent he labours ; 
 
 Persuading him to be a knave, 
 And if he can't succeed he'll rave. 
 And talk more loud and faster ;
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 17 
 
 Awaj', with such like friends as these, 
 And neighbours too, whom he can't please. 
 Unless he'll rob his master. 
 
 Yet friends there are, and neighbours too. 
 Who freely pay what toll is due. 
 
 Though few they be in number ; 
 How pleas'd the toU-man is to see. 
 Such men possest of honesty. 
 
 They don't his mind encumber. 
 
 But if the worst at bars you'd hear, 
 Go when a fair is holden near, 
 
 When show-men and horse-dealers, 
 Do strive each other to excel, 
 Commission 'd by the prince of hell, 
 
 Of oaths and lies retailers. 
 
 If there at such a time, I think. 
 You'd say you was just on the brink 
 
 Of Pluto's dark dominions ; 
 That these were imps, transform'd in sliape ; 
 Men outwardly in form they ape. 
 
 Inwardly, Pluto's minions. 
 
 Such is a toll-man's constant life. 
 Numbers delight to make him strife. 
 Unless he'll grant them favours ; 
 c
 
 18 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 Some even are so base and vile. 
 His character they will defile. 
 
 And do their worst endeavours : 
 
 They'll whisper in his master's ear. 
 That he is rather fond of beer, 
 
 And strive to make him jealous ; 
 Hateful jealousy hath four eyes. 
 And every fault it magnifies. 
 
 It ruins those who're zealous. 
 
 That master's blest who such can hear. 
 And not prejudge, — but still sincere. 
 
 Examine with due caution ; 
 For I confess some men there are, 
 Not fit to keep a turnpike-bar. 
 
 To watch such he's occasion. 
 
 For having money at command. 
 They have not conduct to withstand. 
 
 Beastly intoxication ; 
 Then masters always should revere. 
 Their servants honest and sincere. 
 
 Who can resist temptation ; 
 
 And not be constant crying out. 
 For some there are, I have no doubt. 
 
 Who murmur while they're getting ;
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 19 
 
 They have bad jobs I do suppose. 
 But then they cannot always lose ; 
 For proof, attend a Letting. 
 
 Now then I'll bid a short adieu, 
 I've stated facts, although 'tis true. 
 
 Some men will be offended ; 
 But those who feel the force of it. 
 May wear the cap, if they think fit. 
 
 For Canto first is ended. 
 
 c 2
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 Hail muse ! and lend thy aid again. 
 Of Toll-men's wrongs I'll not complain. 
 
 In this my Canto second ; 
 To let one tell shall be my plan. 
 His animadversions on man, 
 
 A judge he must be reckon'd. 
 
 For few have such a chance as he. 
 Observing men of each degree. 
 
 Who daily pass his dwelling ; 
 Some anecdotes, just at his ease. 
 He oft relates ; — so if you please. 
 
 You may read what he's telling. 
 
 " See yonder," he exclaims, " a man 
 Whose countenance is pale and wan. 
 
 Whose spirit is dejected ; 
 He harmless, innocent, and kind. 
 Appears disorder'd in his mind. 
 
 His reason is affected.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 21 
 
 His clothes are whole and clean, but plain. 
 He scarcely has what will maintain 
 
 And keep him from the parish ; 
 Yet he much wealth could once command. 
 Had full nine thousand pounds on hand, 
 
 A patrimony fairish. 
 
 A certain knave did him trepan, 
 Oh ! here comes up the very man 
 
 Who ruin'd him for ever ; 
 See ! now he keeps a horse and gig. 
 Rides where he likes, and looks so big, 
 
 No doubt he thinks he's clever. 
 
 He went, and with a serious face. 
 Said, " Sir, I've lately learnt your case, 
 
 A friend has told me of it ; 
 Your father's dead I understand, 
 That you've much money at command. 
 
 Which you would turn to profit ; 
 
 I'm partner in a certain trade. 
 
 And good returns we've always made, 
 
 A dozen years I know it ; 
 And if you will but just consent. 
 To go to our establishment. 
 
 Our books will quickly show it ;
 
 22 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 Being favour'd with extensive sale. 
 We shall enlarge our present scale ; 
 
 But we shall meet to-morrow ; 
 Your presence there I recommend, 
 I mention this, sir, as a friend. 
 
 As money we shall borrow." 
 
 He listen'd to this sharper's voice. 
 And went to look and make his choice. 
 
 The books were on the table ; 
 Made up exactly to a tie, 
 A balance false, which met his eye, 
 
 Show'd they were very able. 
 
 Of course he lent them all his gold. 
 And five per cent, as he was told. 
 
 Should be paid him half-yearly ; 
 Meantime this sharper drew his share. 
 Pretending he was worn with care. 
 
 His fortune made or nearly. 
 
 Behold a year had scarcely past, 
 'Ere they for money were set fast. 
 
 And bankrupts were gazetted ; 
 A dividend tliey never paid. 
 For sharper, as 'tis always said. 
 
 Their funds had wholly netted.
 
 THE TOLL BAH. 
 
 Thus, honesty must trudge on foot. 
 While villainy doth ride ;— Ah ! but 
 
 In hell thus Dives repented ; 
 " Let Lazarus, his linger dip 
 " In water cold, and touch my lip, 
 
 " For here I am tormented." 
 
 One then rode up, so fierce and bruff. 
 To judge by sight, why sure enough. 
 
 He look'd more bold than common ; 
 " All yon same man," the toll-man said, 
 ''Whom you admire," (and shook his head,) 
 
 " Reduc'd a fine young woman." 
 
 Her father by success in trade, 
 Amass'd a fortune, as 'tis said. 
 
 Left it his only daughter ; 
 Yon villain eye'd the old man's purse. 
 And to come at it he, of course. 
 
 To hymen's altar brought her : 
 
 But not to marry her, forsooth. 
 
 It was her money, though 'tis truth. 
 
 For this he would cohabit ; 
 Well then a merchant he would be, 
 A greater man you could not see, 
 
 Where he did then inhabit. 
 
 23
 
 24 THE TOLL BAE. 
 
 Behold the next thing I did hear. 
 His creditors he met, and there 
 
 He ofFer'd composition ; 
 And they were wise indeed that took it, 
 But some staunch men who could not brook it. 
 
 Said they'd watch his volition. 
 
 He mov'd oflf to a neighbouring town, 
 Set up, and thought he'd ne'er be known ; 
 
 But creditors pursu'd him ; 
 He then escap'd up to the Fleet, 
 Took oath he could not payments meet. 
 
 And when the law allow'd him ; 
 
 In three months time he schedul'd out, 
 And now you see he rides about. 
 
 Like some proud eastern caliph ; 
 In three years time, lo ! twice he fail'd. 
 Was twice sold up, besides once jail'd ; 
 
 He's fitted for a bailiff. 
 
 INIeanwhile his wife doth sit at home. 
 Wishing (yet dreading), he should come. 
 
 Dejected, melancholy ; 
 Alas ! she knows not what it is, 
 To feast on sweet connubial bliss, 
 
 Too late she sees her follv.
 
 THE TOLL iiAR. 25 
 
 Thus unsuspecting innocence. 
 Is often dup'd ■with eloquence. 
 
 Just men are weak believers ; 
 Honest themselves, they ne'er suppose, 
 I\Ian will on fellow-man impose. 
 
 And prove themselves deceivers. 
 
 Perhaps you'll say my mem'ry's weak. 
 So much of single men to speak. 
 
 In truth — I don't deny it ; 
 Though I have us'd the singular. 
 If you the plural should prefer. 
 
 As such you may apply it. 
 
 See ! here comes up a nondescript. 
 Like some knight-errant he's equipt, 
 
 Describ'd in old romances ; 
 With boots and spurs, his horse he pricks. 
 To make him bound, and show his tricks. 
 
 Aye, look how high he prances. 
 
 How tight the reins he seems to pull. 
 You'd swear his father were a bull. 
 
 He looks so very pleasant ; 
 Behold his hat fell off, and then 
 His head was like a " Friesland hen," 
 
 You'd laugh'd if you'd been present.
 
 26 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 The beast would gladly stand at ease. 
 But nondescript, (or what you please. 
 
 Some say they call him dandy ;) 
 Doth spur and make him jump and start. 
 And swear, as if he knew by heart, 
 
 A part of " Tristram Shandy." 
 
 Though I've describ'd him masculine. 
 His hands and features both were fine. 
 
 His waist was small and slender ; 
 I doubt I have not call'd him right, 
 I should have said, hermaphrodite. 
 
 And us'd the neuter gender. 
 
 Immediately the coach came up. 
 And so it chanc'd it had to stop ; 
 
 A person was alighting ; 
 Inside the tollman then did peep. 
 Where loung'd an alderman asleep. 
 
 All politicians slighting. 
 
 Meantime beside him, thin and spare. 
 Sat one — disturb'd with others' care. 
 
 Talking of legality : 
 He was a lawyer I've no doubt. 
 For by his speech I found him out ; 
 
 Fond of technicality.
 
 THE TOLL BAK. 27 
 
 Opposite, heark'ning to his suit, 
 A married man and prostitute. 
 
 Were sat beside each other ; 
 Moreover if the guard said riglit. 
 They'd laid together over night. 
 
 Where he slept with his brother. 
 
 Outside the coach, he turn'd his view. 
 Where several persons whom he knew. 
 
 Were making great oration : — 
 One told how he could rule the state. 
 Soon reduce the national debt. 
 
 And greatly ease taxation. 
 
 An artisan, with zeal and skill, 
 Argu'd against the foul corn bill. 
 
 And pray'd some alteration ; 
 A farmer said, " haud thoo thy tongue, 
 Thoo beardless youth, thoo't far too young. 
 
 To make sike botheration. 
 
 If thoo'd to walk at a pleugh tail, 
 Thoo would not get so much strong ale. 
 
 Nor be so great a prater." — 
 Then said a tradesman, " we'll petition. 
 And humbly state our sad condition, 
 
 Unto the legislature-"
 
 28 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 The coachman thought it better far. 
 That each in person should repair. 
 
 Directly up to London ; 
 The Parliament something Avould do, 
 If they the country's wants but knew. 
 
 Or England would be undone. 
 
 In front, all this was going on. 
 Behind, I heard brave Wellington 
 
 Was praised for what he'd done, sir ; 
 " Aye," said a soldier, " if you'd been 
 At Waterloo, you would have seen 
 
 How the poor French did run, sir." 
 
 " Avast there mate," exclaimed Jack Tar, 
 " If you'd been at Trafalgar, 
 
 And seen the British navy ; 
 When Nelson fought with might and main, 
 The combin'd fleets of France and Spain, 
 
 And sent them down to Davy : 
 
 Curs'd be my stars," the sailor cried, 
 (And dropt a tear,) " brave Nelson died. 
 
 While British fame was rising." 
 A wandering Frenchman 'twixt these two. 
 Who some small scraps of English knew, 
 
 Thought Jack in tears surprising.
 
 THK TOLL IJAK. 29 
 
 '' Begar," said he, "from vat I've seen. 
 If Monsieur Buonaparte had been. 
 
 An Inglis great commander ; 
 Ye vod hev drawn him in de car, 
 An' vorship'd him as greater far. 
 
 Tan mity Alexander." 
 
 Just then, " go on ;" bawl'd out the guard. 
 No doubt he'd got his own reward. 
 
 For luggage which he'd transferr'd ; 
 But still the horses would not stir, 
 " Please t'remember the coachman, sir," 
 
 Must first be heard and answer'd. 
 
 The coach drove off, and in its place 
 
 The mail soon stopp'd, they'd broke a trace. 
 
 Of course they must repair it : 
 Meanwhile, within the letter bag, 
 Methought I heard this dialogue, 
 
 Read on and you will hear it. 
 
 A DIALOGUE IN THE LETTER BAG. 
 
 BLACK SEAL. 
 
 Aha ! Mr. Red Seal thou looks very fine, 
 Thy outward appearance is better than mine, 
 But inwardly fuU of the vilest deceit, 
 A liar, imposter, and impudent'cheat. 
 
 I
 
 30 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 RED SEAL. 1 
 
 Hold ! hold, Mr. Black Seal, thou compound of evil i 
 Thy colour betrays thee an imp of the devil ; 
 Though clad in deep mourning, and grave thou 
 
 appears. 
 The person who wrote thee shed crocodile tears ; 
 Pretending to weep for the loss of his sire. 
 When in truth he rejoic'd. 
 
 BLACK SEAL. 
 
 Stop, stop, I desire. 
 Since thou hast both mention'd my author and end, 
 I'll quickly expose thee, ye letters attend ; 
 I'll read you the speech that is put in his mouth. 
 Then show you his maker, so judge of his truth. 
 " Wife, dearly beloved, with deepest regret, 
 " I write to inform you I'm sick, but don't fret ; 
 " The surgeon declares, in a week or ten days, 
 " If careful, I shall be restor'd ; yet he says, 
 " I must keep to my room, or there will be danger 
 " Of catching fresh cold ; and although I'm a stranger 
 " I'm well entertain'd ; and next week, if not well, 
 " I'll write. — I remain your fond husband, J. L." 
 Now these are thy contents ; thou'rt dated at B. 
 And yet thy foul author has gone of to D ; 
 Incog with a strumpet, thus sporting his wealth, 
 Whilst his horned wife weeps and prays for his 
 liealth.
 
 THE TOLL BAK. 31 
 
 RED SEAL. 
 
 Well done, Mr. Black Seal, thou'st now done thy 
 
 worst. 
 My crimes are not blackest, though mention'd the 
 
 first ; 
 To prove it I'll read what is writ on thy face. 
 Thy presence I verily think a disgrace ; 
 Thus it runs — " JMost dear, and affectionate brother, 
 *' Whilst tears are descending one after another ; 
 " I ^vrite to inform you our father is dead, 
 *' The tenderest, kindest, best spirit is fled 
 " That ever inhabited mortal on earth ; 
 "My heart fills with woe when I tliink on his worth; 
 " His sudden departure I deeply lament, 
 " But we must submit to the Omnipotent. 
 " With all possible speed make haste to this place, 
 " I remain your brother, distressed, G. S." 
 Aye, and well he might say distressed, indeed. 
 The crime he's committed would make a heart bleed ; 
 Of parricide guilty, remember that cup 
 Which he in his closet so secret mixt up ; 
 Tis true the old fellow was ta'en rather ill, 
 And even declared he would settle his will. 
 But what did thy author then instantly plan, 
 " I'll give him some poison," says he, " if I can ; 
 Then since I'm his heir I shall get the estate 
 My brother must labour for what he can get." —
 
 32 THE TOLL BAK- 
 
 Now such were his wishes, though no one was neary 
 
 Thou hadst need bid those letters, my contents hear ; 
 
 They mostly are liars, I very well know. 
 
 But each we'll examine minutely I vow ; 
 
 And first then, ]Miss Whitewafer, spruce and demure. 
 
 How tempting to look at, yet 
 
 Away that instant went the mail, 
 The whip was laid on like a flail. 
 
 When they'd repair'd their gearing ; 
 But still I could not leave the place. 
 But stood, as if lost in amaze, 
 
 At what I had been hearing. 
 
 Thought I if adulterers knew. 
 And murderers I should say too. 
 
 That their crimes to these letters. 
 Were known and publish'd as they are. 
 How they would blush — and strive with care. 
 
 To imitate their betters. 
 
 A nobleman's carriage and four 
 Then drove up, most like on a tour ; 
 
 They travell'd -with post-horses ; — 
 The barman peep'd in and said, see. 
 In ages their what disparity. 
 
 United from \vronff sources.
 
 THE TOLL HAR. 33 
 
 His lordship's head is grown quite grey, 
 His body wasting fast awaj''. 
 
 So what are all his treasures ? 
 By unlawful amours defil'd. 
 His taste vitiated and spoil'd. 
 
 For matrimonial pleasures. 
 
 Her ladyship, blooming in years, 
 An angel embodied appears. 
 
 Young, beautiful, and witty ; 
 To join a pair siich was unkind, 
 A proof it is that Cupid's blind, 
 
 Or else devoid of pity. 
 
 Wise Solomon utter'd this truth, 
 " Rejoice in the wife of thy youth, 
 
 " O young man ;" but recollect. 
 As though he'd said, if thou engage 
 For gold or lust unequal age. 
 
 Torment hereafter expect. 
 
 I firmly believe there's more woe, 
 Occasion'd by couples wed so. 
 
 Of such unequal ages ; 
 Than when the wicked and the just, 
 Unite in marriage — for I trust 
 
 One then in prayer engages ; 
 D
 
 34 THE TOLL HAR. 
 
 To plead their cause before their God, 
 And by example shew the road. 
 
 Wherein their choice should follow ; 
 Such means improv'd who can withstand. 
 The hearts of all are in His hand. 
 
 He can the vilest hallow. 
 
 But, youth and age can never be 
 Assimilated naturally ; 
 
 Their feelings at defiance : — 
 Then, reader, whosoe'er thou art. 
 This short advice I would impart. 
 
 Avoid such an alliance. 
 
 A funeral next mov'd slowly on. 
 Deceased when alive was one, 
 
 Esteem'd among his neighbours ; 
 His friends now crowd around his bier, 
 Exclaiming, with a falling tear, 
 " He's gone from all his labours : 
 
 We each must follow to the tomb. 
 The grave will be the final home, 
 
 Of all our mortal bodies : 
 Henceforward we'll reform our lives." 
 Thus each one said, but who believes, 
 
 In funeral monodies
 
 THE TOLL 1!.\K. 35 
 
 We often find these words are true. 
 That while the dead are in our \'iew. 
 
 Our tears flow like a river ; 
 Repenting to the church we go. 
 There leave the corpse;, forget our vow, 
 
 And live the same as ever- 
 
 The merchant next, to swell his gains, 
 Just hear him, how he beats his brains, 
 
 And even uses lying ; 
 Declaring cotton, hemp, or wool, 
 Is plentiful, and markets dull, 
 
 Whenever he is buying. 
 
 But when he sells he turns his tale, 
 Says goods are scarce, and ready sale 
 
 He can have when he chooses ; 
 Yet woollens, linens, cottons, stuffs. 
 Are advertis'd, and all the putfs 
 
 INIan can invent, each uses. 
 
 Or, if he chance to deal in corn. 
 His first inquiry every morn, 
 
 Is, " what's the sort of weather ;" 
 If buyers come, the crops are light. 
 The mildew, or perhaps the blight. 
 
 Or may be both together ; 
 D 2
 
 36 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 Have struck the growing corn this year. 
 All grain will certainly be dear. 
 
 To purchase he advises ; 
 Pretending still to hold it back. 
 He'll strike a bargain with a smack. 
 
 And thus he raises prices. 
 
 Then up comes riding in his gig, 
 Tuning a hornpipe, waltz, or jig. 
 
 One of the first musicians ; 
 The works of Handel and Mozart, 
 And Haydn too he knows by heart. 
 
 With all good compositions. 
 
 When men on earth their anthems raise. 
 And join to sing Jehovah's praise. 
 
 At concerts, oratorios ; 
 He with his fiddle leads the bdnd. 
 Such music he doth understand, 
 
 In harmony he glories. 
 
 'Tis sweet indeed when men unite. 
 To sing the word of God aright. 
 
 In pieces like " Creation ;" 
 Such sacred music I revere. 
 But when performers curse and swear, 
 
 'Tis turn'd to'profanation.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 3/ 
 
 Some parsons next whom he well knew, 
 (By some call'd upstarts ; yet 'tis true, 
 
 Commission'd by the spirit :) 
 Though no dead language they could teach, 
 God's pardoning love they all could preach. 
 
 For this they did inherit. 
 
 Such men are often view'd as mean. 
 With disappointment and chagrin. 
 
 By men taught at the college ; 
 As though it wanted Hebrew, Greek, 
 Or other foreign tongues to speak. 
 
 Evangelical knowledge. 
 
 A surgeon next comes riding by, 
 The toll-man says, " yon man and I, 
 
 In some respect are brothers ; 
 Both ready at a moment's call, 
 I leave my cot, and he his hall. 
 
 For benefit to others." 
 
 Like me he's robb'd of sweet repose, 
 While patients cry (to whom he goes), 
 
 '"We'll pay you for all trouble." 
 He works a cure mth skill and care. 
 But when his bill goes in they stare. 
 
 And swear he's charg'd them double.
 
 38 TIIF. TOLL BAlt. 
 
 Howe'er the difference in us lies 
 In this — he charges for advice. 
 
 For drugs, and writing labels ; 
 Whereas if I am up all night, 
 I dare not take no more than right. 
 
 According to the tables. 
 
 Next carelessly driving along. 
 The waggoner singing his song. 
 
 Contented in his station : 
 He never fears returning bills. 
 Nor bankruptcies, nor ever feels 
 
 A wish to guide the nation. 
 
 His team meanwhile drag on the wain. 
 Well pleas'd to hear his simple strain. 
 
 Knowing he's in good humour ; 
 Charm'd with the sound they prick their ears. 
 But should one stumble, then he swears. 
 
 And they're seiz'd with a tremor. 
 
 A labourer then who oft was heard. 
 To say his fate was very hard. 
 
 On poverty descanting ; 
 As though he thought all earthly good, 
 Was in fine raiment, sumptuous food, 
 
 In drinking, or in ranting.
 
 THE TOLL BAIL 39 
 
 'Tis.very likely, too, you'll find 
 That he's uneasy in his mind. 
 
 If master of a shilling ; 
 He cannot work, his pocket burns. 
 To yonder public-house he turns, 
 
 From whence he comes out reeling. 
 
 Do what he \vill he's not to blame. 
 When drunk, he glories in his shame. 
 
 And all he does is clever ; 
 Intemperance ! thou cursed bane. 
 Disease and want are in thy train. 
 
 Thou ruins man for ever. 
 
 But many poor are sober men. 
 Perhaps you'll say granted, but then 
 
 Such seldom are complaining : 
 These work with pleasure and delight. 
 While those have always in their sight. 
 
 What other folks are gaining. 
 
 See ! yonder children, weak and small. 
 From six to twelve years old, and all 
 
 Half starv'd ; 'tis truth I'm telling ; 
 At five o'clock each morn they rise. 
 Rub open their half-rested eyes, 
 
 And leave their humble dwelling.
 
 40 THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 Three miles they walk along the lanes. 
 Whether it snows, or hails, or rains. 
 
 They must be there at starting ; 
 At six o'clock the bell rings in. 
 Immediately they must begin. 
 
 Or their poor backs be smarting. 
 
 'Tis eight at night when they come out. 
 Hence 'twill be nine, or thereabout, 
 
 'Ere they can reach their cottage ; 
 Thus fourteen hours within a room 
 Confin'd, with weary bones, now home 
 
 Return they to their pottage. 
 
 Ah ! Britain ! " land of bibles," hear 
 Their infant sighs, and drop a tear. 
 
 For they are human creatures ; 
 They never reach the size they should. 
 Like tender flow'rs nipp'd in the bud. 
 
 Ah ! see their sickly features. 
 
 The toll-man seeing these daily pass, 
 His feelings wounded are alas ! 
 
 He cannot change their station ; 
 But children working such long days. 
 Diminishes, he truly says, , 
 
 The honour of this nation.
 
 THE TOLL BAR. 41 
 
 Such tales a toll-man can relate. 
 Though he ne'er travels from his gate. 
 
 But marks what daily passes ; 
 For few indeed escape his view. 
 Since 'tis his bus'ness, as you know, 
 
 To watch men of all classes. 
 
 Those characters are drawn from life. 
 Names he could mention, but lest strife. 
 
 Should thus be put in action : 
 He kindly has omitted these. 
 Lest name and likeness should not please. 
 
 And cause dissatisfaction : 
 
 Whoever thinks himself aggriev'd. 
 And has his portraiture perceiv'd. 
 
 These words I would say to him ; 
 " Mark ev'ry fault ; and know this fact. 
 Your picture here is drawn exact." 
 
 So ends the Toll Bar poem.
 
 AN ADDRESS 
 
 COMMISSIONERS OF THE LEEDS AND HAR- 
 ROGATE TURNPIKE ROAD. 
 
 Ye gentlemen commissioners. 
 Pray lend your kind attention ; 
 
 While we your poor petitioners. 
 Our case beg leave to mention. 
 
 My wife one day while in this house, 
 O'erheard a something snoring ; 
 
 She search'd about, but to no use, 
 'Twas far beyond exploring. 
 
 When I came in, she told the same 
 To me, with sympathizing ; 
 
 Declar'd it as an omen came. 
 Of kijidred agonizing.
 
 ADDllKSS. 43 
 
 A neighbour man came in next day, 
 
 While Sol shone in his glory ; 
 In friendly mirth we talk'd away. 
 
 Repeating each droll story. 
 
 When lo ! this noise was heard again ; 
 
 With silent awe we listen'd ; 
 The sound we heard distinct and plain, 
 
 The case remained unchristen'd. 
 
 With hair erect, and panting heart. 
 
 Upon each other gazing ; 
 We stood aghast, afraid, apart. 
 
 At something so amazing. 
 
 At last resolv'd to make it out. 
 
 In search we all united ! 
 When lo ! 'twas hush'd, and peace, no doubt, 
 
 Made us still more affrighted. 
 
 But sailor-like, when once the breeze 
 Is past, — that blew with rigour ; 
 
 So we regain'd, by slow degrees, 
 Our wonted strength and vigour.
 
 44 
 
 ADDRESS. 
 
 Within our cot no strife appear'd. 
 Our peace flow'd like a river ; 
 
 But soon this horrid noise was heard. 
 In sounds more loud than ever. 
 
 'Twas dark — and every snore more nigh. 
 This something seem'd to venture ; 
 
 When I resolv'd my strength to try. 
 In such a bold adventure. 
 
 Forth to the cellar then I went. 
 With lamp and tongs equipped ; 
 
 Upon some noble deed intent, 
 Don Quixote-like, intrepid. 
 
 I had not far proceeded on. 
 When in my sight provoking ; 
 
 With age gro\\'n black, upon a stone. 
 An ugly toad sat croaking. 
 
 Like Hector at the gates of Troy, 
 He stood so proud, menacing ; 
 
 Dar'd me^ (as if a Grecian boy,) 
 That durst not give him facing.
 
 ADDRESS. 45 
 
 But when I rais'd my tongs, he dropt 
 
 His noise, and took to flying ; 
 Awhile he ran, at last he stopt, 
 
 I struck — and left hira dying. 
 
 Then why you ask this tale of woe, 
 What means all this complaining ; 
 
 We humbly answer, while we bow. 
 Our cellar now wants draining. 
 
 This winter time 'tis mostly found, 
 
 Four feet, or more, in water ; 
 In which, if wife or child were drown'd, 
 
 'Twould be no joking matter. 
 
 In summer too, when broil'd with heat. 
 
 And cellars are so cheering ; 
 With mud and wet 'tis still unfit. 
 
 To put our meat or beer in. 
 
 This place I understand for years. 
 
 Has never had a cleaning : 
 But water lodges it appears. 
 
 For want of proper draining.
 
 46 ADDRESS. 
 
 Hence you may guess that snails and toads 
 It breeds, with all such vermin. 
 
 Then O, ye patrons of the roads, 
 Some remedy determine. 
 
 It will be done (if you decree), 
 
 According to your fiat ; 
 And we shall rest from spectres free, 
 
 Enjoying peace and quiet. 
 
 Then your petitioners will pray. 
 
 With heart-felt exultation ; 
 " God save the King/' from day to day. 
 
 And bless the British nation. 
 
 Butter sike Bar, December, 1821. 
 
 When I had written the above, a copy was presented to 
 Earl Harewood ; who, acting as one of the Comnvissioners, 
 ordered the cellar to be drained immediately ; and though 
 it was delayed awhile, it has siiice been done.
 
 A WEDDING O'TRUST. 
 
 SAID TO HAVE HAPPENED AT LEEDS, IN THE YEAR 181ii. 
 
 A man and maid^ last month 'tis said, 
 
 At Leeds Old Parish Church were wed ; 
 
 The ceremony both did say, 
 
 Then to the vestry went straightway. 
 
 To get it there registered down. 
 
 That afterwards it might be shewn. 
 
 If any, in their course of life. 
 
 Should say they were not man and wife ; 
 
 His name he wrote just in one line. 
 
 And in the next she her's did sign. 
 
 Then the Priest to them did say : 
 
 " Now four and six pence you must pay ;" 
 
 The man replied, " hard is my lot, 
 
 I'm sure no money, sir, I've got ; 
 
 But if you'll grant a little trust, 
 
 I'll pay you what is right and just." 
 
 "We have no trust I say you clown, 
 
 " So come and pay the money down."
 
 46 WEDDING o'tKUST. 
 
 His colour rose, his Avords came quicker, 
 When luckily in came the Vicar, 
 Who ask'd whatever could be the matter, 
 That made the curate thus to chatter ; 
 " The matter, sir, enough ;" said he, 
 " That married man won't pay the fee.'' 
 The Vicar, turning to the man. 
 Said " Friend, come pay us if you can ; 
 " You know the money must be paid, 
 " We have no credit in our trade." 
 The man in answer said, '' You must 
 " To me, sir, grant a little trust, 
 V " For I no money have indeed, 
 
 " Or from your debt I'd soon be free'd; 
 
 " Next Saturday, at night, I'll come, 
 
 "And pay you, when you are at home." 
 
 The Vicar, (looking very sad,) 
 
 Said, " where nought is, nought can be had 
 
 " Howe'er, I say, then dont forget, 
 
 " To come and pay your honest debt." 
 
 The man declared upon his oa,th. 
 
 He'd not forget, — they parted both. 
 
 The married man then homeward hied. 
 
 His loving partner by his side ; 
 
 In mirth and glee the day was spent. 
 
 When night approach'd to rest they went,
 
 WEDDING o'tRUST. 49 
 
 When former strife took wing and fled. 
 
 And pleasure crown'd the marriage bed : 
 
 Next morn they rose, for work prepar'd. 
 
 And all the week they labour'd hard. 
 
 And earned the stipulated fee. 
 
 By Saturday, with decency. 
 
 Thus, having gain'd their promis'd point. 
 
 He went at night to buy his joint. 
 
 And though his wages were but small. 
 
 For groceries, dues, and joint, and all, 
 
 StUl he resolved the marriage fee. 
 
 To pay with punctuality. 
 
 He walk'd the shambles thro' and thro'. 
 
 At length a good sheep's head, or two. 
 
 His quick attention caught ; the price 
 
 He ask'd, and bought one in a trice ; 
 
 Then put it in his little wicker. 
 
 And trudg'd along to pay the Vicar. 
 
 His house he found, and soon began 
 
 To rap aloud — the servant ran. 
 
 And ask'd him what he pleas'd to want ? 
 
 " To speak to master ;" — " but you can't, 
 
 " We have a party here to-day, 
 
 *' Hence master cannot come this way, 
 
 " But if you'll just relate your message, 
 
 " I'll slily tell him in the passage :"— >
 
 50 WEDDING o'tRUST. 
 
 " You're very kind indeed, my dear, 
 
 " Pray will you whisper in liis ear, 
 
 " That such a man— has brought his dues, 
 
 " He'll come, I think, at such good news." 
 
 Away she went, — and master came : 
 
 " Well John ! pray how's your loving dame ?" 
 
 " She's pretty well, (I thank you, sir,) 
 
 " Considering how we've had to stir 
 
 " This week betimes, to earn the fee, 
 
 " Which now I'm come to pay you see." 
 
 " Well John, I'm really glad to find, 
 
 " That you possess an honest mind ; 
 
 " May heaven smile upon your trade, 
 
 " I see you've got your markets made ?" 
 
 " Yes sir, I have, but you must know, 
 
 " This week I've had to buy them low." 
 
 " But still I hope you've got to eat, 
 
 " As labourers should, some useful meat :" 
 
 " Yes sir, and coming to the point, 
 
 " I just gave eightpence for my joint ; 
 
 " 'Twas all I had beside the dues, 
 
 " And you may see it if you chuse." 
 
 Surpriz'd ! his reverence view'd the wicker. 
 
 For John had really " cap't the vicar." 
 
 A joint so cheap made him amaz'd, 
 
 Howe'er, the cloth he gently rais'd. 
 
 11
 
 WKUDIXG o'tKUST. 51 
 
 When lo ! within his basket laid 
 John's Sunday joint— a good sheep's head ! 
 Struck with the sight, his worship thought. 
 This case would please his friends,— no doubt. 
 If they but knew the tale complete. 
 It certainly would be a treat ; 
 So with John's leave, he went and told. 
 The circumstance to young and old : 
 And as a proof of what he said, 
 Held up to view, John's fine sheep's head. 
 They instant, (having heard the cause,) 
 Said he deserved their warm applause ; 
 Nay more rejoin'd a worthy chief. 
 Such honesty should have relief : 
 And quickly threw a shilling down. 
 Which all observ'd, and foUow'd on; 
 And when the sum they came to count, 
 (As rumour says) it did amount, 
 To thirty shillings, — which was paid 
 To John, who then approach'd and said, 
 " Ye gentlemen, and ladies too, 
 " IMost humble thanks I give to you, 
 " For such a gift I think 'tis right, 
 " Since I'm unworthy of your sight ; 
 " With gratitude my heart doth swell, 
 " But speech forbids its thoughts to tell, 
 " God bless you all, so now adieu !" 
 He said, and instantly withdrew. 
 E 2
 
 52 WEDDING o'TRUST. 
 
 The Vicar follow'd to the door, 
 
 And said, " Now John, since you're so poor, 
 
 " I freely will forgive the fee, 
 
 " Rewarding thus your honesty ; 
 
 " Go home unto your loving wife, 
 
 " And may you lead a happy life ; 
 
 " Improve your Sabbaths, do not lurch 
 
 " At home, but always come to church, 
 
 " Your Bible read and study well, 
 
 " In every gospel truth excel; 
 
 " Then when your pulse shall cease to beat, 
 
 '" Your soul wiU rise to bliss complete :" 
 
 He ceas'd, — then homeward John did hie. 
 
 First, having wished them all " good bye !" 
 
 AN ACROSTIC. 
 
 E verlasting is my name ; 
 T ime upon me has no claim ; 
 E vermore I shall endure ; 
 R eader, now thy home secure ; 
 N ow, thy precious moments prize, 
 I nto God's own image rise ; 
 T hen thou shalt in me be blest ; 
 Y ea, thou shalt in me find rest.
 
 VERSES 
 
 IN PRAISE OF YORKSHIRE CLOTH.* 
 
 Hail ! noble Yorkshire merchantSj hail. 
 
 This bright auspicious day ; 
 With wine your generous hearts regale, 
 
 Since you have got the sway. 
 
 • The following verses were composed on Messrs. James 
 Hargreaves and Son being appointed Manufacturers to his 
 Royal Highness the Duke of York — The following is a 
 copy of the letter sent by liis Royal Highness : — " Know 
 all to whom these presents may come, irFaEDERicK, 
 Duke of York and Albany, &c. &c. &c. &c. do appoint 
 Messrs. James Hargreaves and Son, of Leeds, my Manu- 
 facturers of superfine cloth. In witness whereof, I have 
 hereunto set my hand and seal, this thirteenth day of 
 June, 1820. 
 
 FREDERICK. 
 
 By command of His Royal Highness the Duke of York, 
 
 &c. &c. &c. &c. 
 
 RICHARD GRENVILLE.
 
 54 YORKSHIIIK CLOTH. 
 
 Long has the West* with impious boast, 
 O'er-rul'd brave Yorkshire wit ; 
 
 But fortune shines upon the just. 
 As she approves most fit. 
 
 Your cloths are made compact and stout, 
 
 And perfect ev'ry way ; 
 Now men and masters for a shout,' 
 
 Fine Yorkshire cloths, — huzza ! 
 
 * Gloucester, Somerset, and WUts, — ^whose manufac- 
 facture of cloth was considered superior to that made in tliis 
 county, untU the praiseworthy exertions of Messrs. Hirst 
 Hargreaves, and other Leeds merchants, removed the 
 stigma by fair competition, when Yorkshire Woollen Cloth 
 attained that celebrity which it justly merits, — surpassing 
 in texture and quahty, all cloths made elsewhere. 
 
 TO A FRIEND IN AFFLICTION. 
 
 I'm sorry, friend, for thine affliction, 
 O may it hasten thy conviction ! 
 May thou see \vrit upon this rod. 
 These words, " Prepare to meet thy God.
 
 CORONATION FESTIVAL, 
 
 July 19th, 1821, 
 
 At Messrs. James Hargreaves ^ Sons Cloth Manufactory, 
 Mill Garth, Leeds, (Manufacturers to his Royal High- 
 ness the Duke of York. J 
 
 .The feats of this day, let others display. 
 
 When taken upon a large SQale ; 
 • Yet one little place, my metre shall grace. 
 
 Where loyalty seems to prevail. , 
 
 Mill-Garth is its name, 'tis noted by fame. 
 For making fine cloths for the Duke ; 
 
 The master who guides, and money provides. 
 Bethought him all tales to rebuke ; 
 
 His servants to treat, with plenty of meat. 
 And cheer up their hearts for a while ; 
 
 The scene was the yard, where duly prepar'd, 
 The following sight made 'em smile.
 
 56 COEONATION FESTIVAL. 
 
 A table was made, upon which were laid, Pni 
 
 Twenty-four plum puddings compact ; 
 
 Roast beef and good beer, that old English cheer, ji,{ 
 
 Were plac'd in their order exact. [ 
 
 The master and dame, and misses too came, 
 
 To sit and partake with the rest ; 
 And many good folks, who cracked their jokes. 
 
 And heighten'd the charms of the feast. 
 
 Two hundred or more, of rich and of poor. 
 
 Were all seated down in one ring ; 
 When silence profound, was kept all around. 
 
 While the band play'd " God save the King." 
 
 How pleasant each face, while master said grace ; 
 
 Then to it they fell with delight ; 
 Each knife and each fork, went all hard to work, 
 
 *Twas really an excellent sight. 
 
 Each guest had his share, enough and to spare, 
 
 A plentiful feast for the whole ; 
 Then pitcher and glass, did merrily pass, 
 
 And gratitude warmed every soul.
 
 CORONATION FESTIVAL, 5^ 
 
 From yellow to blue, it soon chang'd the hue, 
 Of some who were Queenites before ; 
 
 Then some drank the fame, of King George's name. 
 Good luck to the trade, and the poor. 
 
 While some drank success, to his Royal Highness, 
 Duke of York, next heir to the throne ; 
 
 Who late did appoint, our masters in joint. 
 His royal cloth-makers alone. 
 
 Away to the street, their townsmen to greet. 
 They march'd — large banners displaying, 
 
 Where thousands were met, and every set. 
 Was hail'd with the loudest huzzaing. 
 
 Majestic and slow, good order to show. 
 This party observ'd their own route ; 
 
 They shortly adjourn' d, then quickly return'd. 
 To the place from whence they set out. 
 
 Once more in the yard, where strife was debarr'd, 
 John Barleycorn pleased each desire ; 
 
 And about nine o'clock, the master thus spoke, 
 " 'Tis time for each guest to retire."
 
 58 CORONATION FESTIVAL. 
 
 Their conduct throughout, without any doubt, 
 
 Obtain'd his warm approbation ; 
 As long as he liv'd, he really believ'd. 
 
 He'd ne'er forget coronation. 
 
 Then " God save the King," Ben Hartley did sing, 
 
 A sweet and melodious strain ; 
 All present combin'd, the chorus when join'd 
 
 Re-echoed again and again. 
 
 Then each took his way, well pleas'd with the day. 
 To his well-belov'd offspring, and dame ; 
 
 A gill of good beer, next morn, fine and clear. 
 Each servant receiv'd, when he came. 
 
 LINES 
 
 WRITTEN ON THE DEATH OF QUEEN CAROLINE. 
 
 'Tis done ! the dreadful conflict's o'er. 
 Our injur'd Queen is now no more. 
 Deny'd an earthly Crown to wear. 
 The Scripture was fulfill'd in her, 
 " A wounded spirit, who can bear." 
 
 _._!
 
 LINES 
 
 WRITTEN ON THK FORMATION OF A SICK CLUB;, 
 At Messrs, Hargreaves'' Manufactory. 
 
 Come let us join both heart and hand. 
 
 To support each other ; 
 Obey our Saviour's strict command, 
 
 " Love ye one another." 
 
 It must by all be understood, 
 (At least by you and me ;) 
 
 No man can love the brotherhood. 
 Who hath not charity. 
 
 How can we see on his sick bed. 
 Our shopmate's body laid ? 
 
 His aching limbs, and painful head, 
 Demand some skilful aid.
 
 60 LINES. 
 
 His partner weeping by his side. 
 Her heart opprest with grief : 
 
 Because for him she can't provide. 
 She humbly begs relief. 
 
 How can we hear his children cry. 
 For want of daily bread ? 
 
 And still that little help deny. 
 With which they might be fed. 
 
 Ah no ! methinks I hear you say. 
 We cannot bear the sight ; 
 
 To his relief we all will pay. 
 Our small, but lib'ral mite. 
 
 Then let us swiftly form a plan. 
 To share each other's wealth ; 
 
 Each member give his brother man, 
 Relief when out of health. 
 
 And at each other's death, I'd have 
 Something collected round ; 
 
 That going decent to his grave. 
 His mdow may be found.
 
 LINES. 61 
 
 Then come, while you and I are well, 
 
 While we have life and breath : 
 Perhaps to-morrow's parting knell. 
 May sound our mortal death. 
 
 DESCRIPTION OF THE METHODIST CHAPEL, 
 PANNAL. 
 
 Here Christians haste, behold in this pile 
 No money laid waste, in pomp or in style ; 
 No fine sculptur'd stone, its entrance to grace. 
 One door way alone, you'll find to this place ; 
 That in the centre, as near as might be. 
 Which when you enter, the pulpit you'll see. 
 The loft on each side, and front do appear. 
 Where people abide, the gospel to hear ; 
 Beneath too are pews, on one hand to let. 
 The other they use, as vestry so neat ; 
 The front is supplied, with forms for the poor. 
 And strangers beside, 'twixt pulpit and door ; 
 The steps to the loft, are stones of rough cast, 
 Though softer than wood much longer they'll last ; 
 'Tis well built throughout, substantial, yet plain. 
 Within and mthout, neat, decent, and clean.
 
 THE SHEARMEN, 
 
 on, A PEEP INTO NO. 3,* AT MILL-GARTH, LEEDS. 
 
 Long time I watch'd a set of men. 
 Come to this Mill, and back again, 
 
 Drest up like me on Sunday ; 
 Yet at their work, I ne'er could see 
 These men, so fond of decency — ■ 
 
 Not even on a IMonday. 
 
 Through No. 7, 6, 5, and 4, 
 3, 2, and 1, I made a tour. 
 
 To see if I could find 'em : — 
 But all in vain I watch'd and sought, 
 Howe'er next time they came, I thought, 
 
 I'd follow close behind 'em. 
 
 * The above named Manufactory, at Mill-Garth, is 
 seven stories high, and every room is numbered according 
 to its height. The Shearmen occupying No. 3, to finish, 
 cloth in.
 
 THE SHEARMEN. 63 
 
 So down i'th yard I chanced to get. 
 When presently in came this set. 
 
 And I walked slowly after : 
 They kick'd and threw their arms about. 
 And set poor greasy coats at nought. 
 
 At blue smocks — made a laughter. 
 
 Howe'er thought I, I'll keep my pace. 
 And when they come into their place, 
 
 111 watch 'em while they're working. 
 We quickly came to No. 3, 
 Wlien in they popp'd, and left poor me. 
 
 Within the staircase lurking. 
 
 Yet through the lock I peep'd to view. 
 They stripp'd their hats, and coats so blue, 
 
 And wore a soldier's jacket ; 
 Tho' near worn out, and old, and grey. 
 And tho' a soldier's cast away, 
 
 I saw these beaus would take it. 
 
 Well ! well ! said I, — 'Tis really strange. 
 To see how dress a man will change, 
 
 I'd seen 'em often shearing : 
 Just like some awkward country chaps. 
 In jackets red, and stable caps. 
 
 Like pensioners appearing.
 
 €4 THE SHEARMEN. 
 
 Now then rhj friends, if ever you 
 Should wonder where these men went to. 
 
 Hear me reveal the wonder : 
 At twelve o'clock, go down like me. 
 And just peep into No. 3, 
 
 When you'll make out your blunder. 
 
 " The Shearmen" is inserted to check that pride, or 
 dislike, which exists between workmen who are employed 
 in different departments, at the same manufactory, a reason 
 for which I never could find. 
 
 LINES, 
 
 WRITTEN ON THE COVER OF A NEWSPAPER, AND 
 SENT TO A YOUNG LADY. 
 
 This paper I've read, to me 'tis nought worth. 
 And so 'twill be said when I'm mix'd with earth ; 
 They'll cover me up beneath the green sod. 
 Then Oh ! may my hope be founded on God. 
 The same will be said, fair reader, of thee. 
 Thy delicate frame for worms food must be : — 
 Then boast not thy prime, thy strength, or thy beauty, 
 Repent while there's time — this, this, is thy duty.
 
 LINES 
 
 ON THE DEATH OF GEORGE DYSON, AV HO WAS 
 KILLED AT AUMLEY MILL, FKB. 2, 1822. 
 
 Ah ! what is man ? a reed, a worm. 
 As weak, as helpless, and infirm ; 
 His days are few, his moments fly. 
 He's born to live, and doom'd to die. 
 
 His life's a span, a thought, a breath. 
 This hour in health, the next in death ; 
 From earth he came, and soon he must. 
 Return again to mother dust. 
 
 This very morn, (as I've just read,) 
 A brother liv'd, that's novv laid dead. 
 Liv'd ! did I say ? — yes, liv'd and well. 
 As many witnesses can tell. 
 
 His health as usual, unimpair'd. 
 He rose, he dress' d, no danger fear'd ; 
 Went to his Avork this morning soon. 
 But was a corpse — before 'twas noon. 
 
 F
 
 REPLY 
 
 TO A CHARGE MADK AGAINST THE SOUP SUB- 
 SCRIPTION AT ARMLKV. 
 
 Soup some say is not worth drinking ; 
 
 Others say, 'tis really stinking : 
 
 Hearing such tales as these, I thought 
 
 I'd send for some to cease all doubt. 
 
 Accordingly, I sent in haste 
 
 For some that we might of it taste ; 
 
 Which, when brought in, was handed round 
 
 To hear if any fault was found : 
 
 When each man (and we all were poor). 
 
 Thought it was worth twopence* or more. 
 
 Shop-mates ! I hope when next you hear. 
 
 Others cry out it is too dear. 
 
 You'll ask them if they ever tasted 
 
 This soup which they so much have blasted. 
 
 Perhaps they'll quickly answer no. 
 
 But such-a-one said so and so. 
 
 The selling price was one pennA* per quai't. 
 
 J
 
 ACROSTIC. 67 
 
 Who if you ask replies this way, 
 
 I only heard it from hear-say. 
 
 And thus these tales made up of fiction. 
 
 Are rais'd against the soup subscription. 
 
 By folks, perhaps, who could not stoop 
 
 To think of ever tasting soup. 
 
 ACROSTIC FOR A SHOE IMAKER. 
 
 S HOEMAKEKs mostly boast their trade, 
 
 A nd tell what boots and shoes they've made ; 
 
 M ake folks believe they're won'drous wise : 
 
 U nfolding things hid in disguise, 
 
 E ach cries he cuts the best of leather ; 
 
 L ikewise he puts it -well together. 
 
 N ow I want none to boast, not I, 
 O nly give me leave to try ; 
 R eal good made shoes are known by wear, 
 T his testimony mine will bear ; 
 O n this account you'll ask my name, 
 N ow these initials tell the same. 
 F 2
 
 LINES 
 
 TO AVILI^IAM THIRKILL,, GAMEKEEPER TO THE 
 BARl. OF HAREWOOU. 
 
 The old remark has oft been made. 
 That " begging is an honest trade. 
 
 When folks are in distress :" 
 Then, sir, a beggar I'm become. 
 And hope while you are sat at home. 
 
 You'll read my short address. 
 
 In kneeling attitude sincere. 
 Behold your servant doth appear. 
 
 And thus his mind declare ; 
 Give me, kind sir, (I ask no more. 
 As you are keeper of great store,) 
 
 One decent single hare. 
 
 Yet think not I am such an elf. 
 To ask this favour for myself, 
 I'm begging for a friend ;
 
 LINES. 09 
 
 A friend, that has been often try'd, 
 A friend in whom I can confide ; 
 To him this gift I'll send. 
 
 A man, a christian member too, 
 Of that vast body* priz'd by you, 
 
 And worthy of its name ; 
 A grocer, who can well support 
 His shop, where many folks resort. 
 
 So well known is his fame. 
 
 To this man's shop I often send. 
 Directed for my parent-friend. 
 
 Some trifle or another ; 
 He too, perhaps, directs for me. 
 And thus we trouble him you see. 
 
 In sending to each other. 
 
 Though he declares he thinks it none, 
 Says to my father, "tell your son. 
 
 To send his things to me." 
 Now such a man. Sir, I declare, 
 Is worthy of a single hare. 
 
 If we have charity. 
 
 •Methodists.
 
 70 LINES. 
 
 Now, then, consider my request. 
 Serve me, or not, as you think best 
 
 Becomes your present station : 
 I never wish a man to speak. 
 Or act for me, himself to break. 
 
 Or hurt his occupation. 
 
 LINES 
 
 ON SEEING THE PULPIT OF THE METHODIST 
 CHAPEL, WAKEFIELD, IN MOURNING FOR THE 
 LATE MR. CALVERT, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. 
 
 And can a lawyer, then, be just ? 
 Why this man was ! indeed he must : 
 Or else they'd ne'er a pulpit drest. 
 To mourn for loss of a such a pest 
 As lawyers are, in general. 
 Disputing claims, ev'ry funeral; 
 Causing discord, creating strife ; 
 Promoting law-suits all their life. 
 But if we search creation round. 
 Exceptions, sometimes, may be found ! 
 Hence, Calvert might be — just and true, 
 A lawyer, and a christian too.
 
 VERSES 
 
 WRITTKN ON A VISIT TO THE METHODIST SUNDAY 
 SCHOOL,, HUNSLET. 
 
 This town remark'd for ages past, 
 Where wickedness doth reign ; 
 
 An antidote is found at last. 
 Its honour to regain. 
 
 This very Sunday-school, do doubt. 
 
 If but conducted well ; 
 Will help to bring this change about, 
 
 " As knowledge doth excel." 
 
 Soon as I enter 'd at the door, 
 
 I stood amaz'd to find 
 So many children of the poor. 
 
 Instructed in their mind. 
 
 Eight hundred scholars gather'd here. 
 And taught to read that word ;
 
 72 VERSES. 
 
 Which teaches youth to love and fear, 
 The ever-blessed Lord. 
 
 How clean and decent now they look. 
 
 In dress and morals too : 
 Scholars, attentive to their book. 
 
 Good fruits already show. 
 
 How many thousands in their youth. 
 At Sunday-schools receive 
 
 Instruction from the book of truth. 
 Which guides them whilst they live. 
 
 Hence \vicked parents, mov'd to hear 
 Their children sing and pray. 
 
 Must sure begin to think, and fear 
 An awful judgment day. 
 
 A greater blessing never came. 
 To Hunslet, since it stood ; 
 
 O may it all our minds inflame, 
 And turn our hearts to God. 
 
 Then, child and parent will be blest 
 With good, from Sunday-schools, 
 
 And learn in time whereon to rest. 
 Their never dying souls. 
 

 
 ECONOMY. ^S 
 
 Ye benefactors that have store. 
 Remember that dear word ; 
 
 " The man that giveth to the poor. 
 But lendeth to the Lord." 
 
 ECONOMY, 
 
 AS PRACTISED AT LEEDS, IN 1820, ON THE ACQUIT- 
 TAL OF QUEEN CAROLINE. 
 
 A MAN of renown, who lives in this town. 
 Sent each of his tenants a shilling ; 
 
 To illuminate, upon the Queen's fate. 
 As he had no doubt they were ^viUing. 
 
 Now one of them did, just as she was bid. 
 
 And hasted some candles to buy ; 
 She quickly came back, and thought in a crack. 
 
 To save all she could she would try. 
 
 She laid them down straight, made four into eight. 
 Then put seven halves up to burn ; 
 
 And kept all the rest, as she thought would be best. 
 To blaze afterwards in their turn.
 
 THE REMNANT SHALL BE SAVED. 
 
 One Sunday morn, 'twixt three and four. 
 
 Returning home, a sudden shower 
 
 Compelled me for a while to stop 
 
 For shelter, near a tailor's shop. 
 
 From whence I heard a clamorous noise. 
 
 Betwixt the master and the boys ; 
 
 In sweeping up, the master crav'd 
 
 And begg'd, the remnants should be sav'd. 
 
 " This remnant, master !" cries one lad 
 
 " Is not worth keeping, 'tis so bad." 
 
 *' O yes !" says he, " thou knows 'twill make 
 
 Good facings, and then we can take 
 
 A larger piece from some fine coat 
 
 To make a jacket, can we not ; 
 
 Perhaps for thee, as thou'st behav'd. 
 
 And seen the remnants were all sav'd." 
 
 A younger 'prentice had just made 
 A pauper's coat, the careless blade 
 Threw down the remnant in the dust : 
 Howe'er the former lad of trust.
 
 THE REMNANT TO BE SAVED. 'JS 
 
 Said, " 'twill for wadding do, and shows 
 You're careless ;" then they fell to blows : 
 Down'd jump'd the master, when he rav'd 
 And swore " the remnant should be sav'd." 
 
 Just then the tailor's son came in, 
 The parson's coat to press and clean. 
 'Twas quickly done. " Now John," said he, 
 " Bring them waste pieces here to me. 
 This here will make a waistcoat front. 
 Thou shan't take it, depend upon't ; — ■ 
 But go, and get thee wash'd and shav'd. 
 For all such remnants shall be sav'd." 
 
 One had a sleeve to stitch and fell. 
 Before he'd done, I heard him teU ; 
 But master bid him hold his tongue. 
 To talk of work was very wTong 
 On Sunday morn. John then came out 
 Bearing the parson's new surtout ; — 
 When I walk'd off, and shortly grav'd 
 This tale, — " The remnant shall be sav'd."
 
 VERSES 
 
 ON HEARING A SERMON AT PANNAL. Pel. iv. 7' 
 
 Last Sunday afternoon I went 
 To hear the preacher, duly sent : 
 This text he took, and made a stand — 
 " The end of all things is at hand." 
 
 The subject which he did rehearse, 
 Is in Peter ivth, 7th verse ; 
 Which you may read and understand, 
 " The end of all things is at hand." 
 
 This passage, in its native sense. 
 Had to the temple reference ; 
 Proclaim'd through all the Jewish land, 
 " The end of all things is at hand." 
 
 To you and me, he said it spoke. 
 That we the Lord should not provoke ;- 
 But mark, that awful just command, 
 " The end of all things is at hand." 
 
 Ye saints, then prize the gospel time, 
 Ye sinners mark the end of crime : 
 In judgment all must shortly stand, 
 " The end of all things is at hand."
 
 LINES, 
 
 ON HKARING THE REV. (iEOKOK SMITH, LEEDS. 
 "• Lei us go on to perfection ,•" Hebrews. Cliup .vi. ver. 1." 
 
 A Smith we all know, doth hammer and blow 
 
 He raps at his anvil apace ; 
 His work he doth fit, and makes it complete. 
 Well polish'd to suit its own place. 
 
 A Smith we have had, a nap at his trade, 
 Our chapel he took for his shop ; 
 
 With bellows of prayer, he blew up an air, 
 And then made a suitable stop. 
 
 Pick'd out of his store, perfection an ore. 
 
 The Bible his anvil he made ; 
 The hammer his hands, he raps and he stands, 
 
 A sermon he quickly display'd ; 
 
 Wherein he exprest, that we should not rest, 
 
 (Setting aside all election). 
 But cry one and all, with zeal like St. Paul, 
 
 " Let U!s go on to perfection !"
 
 ELEGY 
 
 ON HEARING OF THE DEATH OF BILLY* DAWSON, 1824. 
 
 " His end loas peace.'"'' 
 
 Weep^ all ye christians every where. 
 Lament, with reverential fear. 
 
 And solemn holy dread ; 
 Grim death has made a mighty stroke^ 
 Cut down a noble Gospel-oak, 
 
 For Billy Dawson 's dead. 
 
 All ye who ran from toAvn to town. 
 To hear this preacher of renown. 
 
 And told what things he said ; 
 How tiresome now must be your doom. 
 You'll have to rest yourselves at home. 
 
 For Billy Dawson 's dead. 
 
 What must become of Sunday schools. 
 Of chapel-funds, and all good rules. 
 
 Where begging takes the lead ; 
 Collections now will have to moan. 
 Their worthy benefactor's gone. 
 
 For Billy Dawson 's dead. 
 
 " This is the popular name of Mr. Wm. Dawson, a highly 
 respectable Local Preacher amongst the Wesleran JMetho- 
 flists. residing at Barnbow, near Leeds.
 
 ELEGY. 79 
 
 Ye ministers of every sect. 
 When he came near you recollect 
 
 What straying sheep he made ; 
 From hence he was " sheep-stealer" nam'd. 
 But now he'U be no longer blam'd. 
 
 For Billy Dawson 's dead. 
 
 Death made a call last Monday morn. 
 Bid him resign his gospel-horn. 
 And yield his vital breath ; 
 " Thou'st made some thousands dare my power, 
 But now when at thy final hour. 
 W^hat canst thou say to death }" 
 
 " Hail ! welcome messenger !" he cried ; 
 " What, am I welcome }" death replied ; — 
 
 His soul that instant fled : 
 So death, we see, was swallowed up 
 In victory, — and man may hope. 
 Though BiUy Dawson 's dead. 
 
 He was an Israelite indeed. 
 
 In whom there was no guile — with speed 
 
 He join'd his living head ! 
 Let no man think his deeds so just 
 He'll live for ever — die he must. 
 
 For Billy Dawson 's dead.
 
 80 EPITAPH, &C. 
 
 EPITAPH. 
 
 Beneath, respected Dawson lies, 
 A pious christian, holy, wise, 
 
 A servant of the Lord ; 
 A zealous minister of Christ, 
 An excellent Evangelist, 
 
 As Fame did e'er record. 
 
 After the foregoing Elegy was written, it turned out that 
 the report was incorrect, and that Mr. Dawson was reco- 
 vering from an attack of the Cholera Morbus, which was 
 very fatal at this time ; under which circumstances the 
 following verses were added. 
 
 Cheer up, my friends, nor longer weep. 
 Let woe no more disturb your sleep. 
 
 But cease, oh cease your grieving ; 
 Let all creation shout and sing 
 Hosanna to the heavenly king. 
 
 For Billy Dawson's living. 
 
 'Twas he* M'ho tempted him of Uz,t 
 Took leave with Cholera- Morbus, 
 
 To try his firm believing ; 
 But Jesus graciously declar'd. 
 Another year he should be spar'd. 
 
 So Billy Dawson's living. 
 
 • Satan. f Job.
 
 THE BALLOON. 
 
 Near Bedale town, last Monday night. 
 When Green's Balloon just came in sight ; 
 Two farmer men were trudging on. 
 When one exclaim'd, " Ha ! sithoo John, 
 " What can that be, that's up 'ith air !" 
 " Nay marry. Will, thoo mak's me stare, 
 " For I dean't ken what it can be ; 
 " Maist likely its a prodigy : — 
 " I ne'er saw sike a bird 'ith air, 
 " And may be never shall nae mare, 
 " Nor e'er heard tell of yan but yance, 
 " And then I thooght 'twor all romance ; 
 '' Sinbad, the sailor, he saw yan, 
 " That darken'd 't sun for acres man ; 
 '•' I'll tell thee. Will, sike folks as we, 
 " Knoos nooght what travellers may see." 
 " Varry true, John, but remember, 
 " Aboot seven years since, last December, 
 
 • Mr. Green, the aeronaut, ascended in his balloon, from 
 Halifax, and alighted near Bedale, April 19, 1824.
 
 82 THE BALLOON. 
 
 " Johanna died, and tell'd 'em plean, 
 
 " That she would quickly come agean, 
 
 " Its varry likely her, and then, 
 
 " Johanna's wiU be all great men." 
 
 Now while they chatted thus, 'tis said. 
 
 It came directly o'er their head. 
 
 When Mr. Green put out his hand, 
 
 Amaz'd at which, they made a stand ; 
 
 When one call'd out, " Sir, tell us plean, 
 
 " Whether ye come frae 't sun or 't mean ?" 
 
 " From Halifax, my friends, to night, 
 
 •' In this balloon I took my flight." 
 
 " Balloon," cries Will, " it's Mr. Green, 
 
 " Though sike a thing I've never seen, 
 
 " I knoo yah day not lang ago, 
 
 " Oor maister said folks could fly so." 
 
 " Well, well," says John, " I'm glad hooe'er, 
 
 " We made it oot : I 'gan to fear, 
 
 " That t' world wor boon to be destroy'd, 
 
 " And then we'd been nae mare employ' d." 
 
 So home they went, well pleased no doubt. 
 
 That they had made this wonder cut.
 
 ALMIAS CRAG* 
 
 I 
 
 Others sing of busy cities. 
 
 Much of noise and tumult brag ; 
 
 But let me, in humble ditties. 
 Write on Great Almias-Crag.t 
 
 To its height as you're ascending, 
 Hillocks sink and mountains rise ; 
 
 Some their lofty heads extending, 
 Seem to prop the nether skies. 
 
 Near the summit when you're rising. 
 For a moment stop and gaze ; 
 
 Rocks, stupendous rocks, surprising, 
 Fill beholders with amaze. 
 
 • This place is called Almias, from Al, a rock or crag ; 
 and mias, an altar. Vide Shaw's Celtic Dictionary. Although 
 it is generally called iilmias CliiF, it would be more proper 
 to write it Almias Cragg, clifF signifying a steep rock 
 near the sea coast. J. Y. 
 
 ■f To distinguish it from a group of rocks at a short dis- 
 tance, called Little Almias ClifF. Vide Hargrove's History 
 of Knaresborough. 
 
 G 2
 
 84 ^ AI.MIAS ORAG. 
 
 On the top stone when you're standing, 
 What a landscape may be seen ; 
 
 Westward, though not far expanding, 
 Mountains many intervene. 
 
 Northward, now the prospect reaches. 
 Unto Whernside, mountains high : — 
 
 Eastward, then your vision stretches, 
 Yorkshire Wolds, up to the sky. 
 
 Eboracum*, with its steeple,t 
 
 Situated in the plain ; 
 Station once of foreign people, 
 
 Roman, Saxon, Norman, Dane. 
 
 Southward, next your eye when turning, 
 
 What a prospect you acquire ; 
 Fifty miles at least discerning. 
 
 Reaching into Derbyshire. - 
 
 Nearer now direct your vision. 
 
 Where the rapid Wharf doth glide : 
 
 Boundary, or grand division. 
 Of the townships on each side. 
 
 • York. 
 f The tower of the Cathedral, which is to be seen fiom 
 Almias Cliff, to gi-eat advantage.
 
 ALMT.NS CRAG. 
 
 85 
 
 On its northern bank located, 
 
 Almias lifts its rugged head ; 
 Here, in ancient books, 'tis stated, 
 
 Druids often worshipped. 
 
 Where the rocks are much indented, 
 Some will point you to the stone 
 
 Where they formerly presented. 
 Human victims to the sun. 
 
 Some, likewise, in wild vagaries. 
 Tell of spectres grim and bold ; 
 
 Here, too, once resided fairies ; — 
 Things oft seen in days of old. 
 
 Now sly Reynard, hare, or rabbit 
 Seem to be the only ones. 
 Which this barren rock inhabit, — 
 Nightly lodging 'mongst the stones. 
 
 He at midnight often prowling, 
 Robs the farmer of his game ; 
 
 But, next morn, when hounds are howling. 
 Straight to Almias he doth aim. 
 
 See ! the fox his home when viewing, 
 How he runs tn reach tlic place ;
 
 86 A I, MI AS CllAG. 
 
 Dogs and hunters hard pursuing, 
 Joy and glee in every face. 
 
 Up he comes, when lo ! 'tis netted,* 
 Wild and frantic hear him wail ; 
 
 Close at heels with hounds besetted. 
 Now he skims along the vale. 
 
 Hounds and horsemen quickly follow, 
 Sweeping o'er the distant hill ; 
 
 TiU the huntsmen's cry and hallo. 
 Dies away, and all is still. 
 
 Such, then, is the rural scenery. 
 Which this lofty place can brag ; 
 
 Who would not leave his machinery. 
 Just to gaze at Almias Crag .'' 
 
 " Whenever the Earl of Harewood's hounds throw off 
 near ALnias Crag, his keeper on the Rigton Manor goes 
 out on the previous night, and nets it round, to prevent 
 the fox, then out in search of his prey, from taking refuge 
 there when pursued.
 
 THE TOLL COLLECTOR AND 
 THE SPIDER. 
 
 A FABLE. 
 
 A TOLL-MAN one day observing a fly. 
 
 Caught fast in the web of a spider close by ; 
 
 He put forth his hand to grant its release ; 
 
 When out came the spider and bid him to cease. 
 
 " No difference I beg between thee and me, 
 
 We're both of a calling so let us agree." 
 
 " How so/' cry'd the bar-man, " I catch no flies. 
 
 Nor yet commit murder, by craft or surprise." 
 
 " True," says the spider, " but thou might'st as good. 
 
 Thy thirst is for money, as mine is for blood ; 
 
 Thou stretchest thy web across the highway. 
 
 And travellers passing must strip or else pay ; 
 
 If one should object thy net is soon spread. 
 
 And if he escape (through another man's aid). 
 
 How griev'd thou dost feel for loss of thy toll." 
 
 " I do," said the bar-man, " and upon the whole, 
 
 Thou'st done me much good when I recollect, 
 
 That I am a man and thou but an insect : 
 
 What reason have I to rob thee of food. 
 
 If nature ordain'd that thy meat should be blood." 
 
 So saying he left him to feast on his prey. 
 
 And in a brown study went musing away.
 
 THE EXCISEMAN AND FLY. 
 
 A FABLE. 
 
 A WELL-KNOWN officer in the excise, 
 
 One day was outwitted, though thought to be wise ; 
 
 For having to guage a cask of strong beer. 
 
 The cork from the bung-hole he'd hardly got clear. 
 
 When in went a fly to taste of the drink — 
 
 " Thou'st no business there," said he, " I do think :" 
 
 " O yes !" quoth the fly, " I've more right than thou, 
 
 " And if thou disputest my title I'll show ; 
 
 " But first, prithee tell by whom thou art sent :" 
 
 " The King of Great Britain sent me to prevent 
 
 " Publicans cheating him out of his dues : 
 
 " By adding malt liquor as much as they choose ; 
 
 " Both how much they brew, and how much they sell, 
 
 " By guaging their barrels I quickly can tell ; 
 
 " What taxes are due I state in my books, 
 
 " The Collector comes round and at them he looks ; 
 
 " Demands and receives the money that's due : 
 
 " Now thy better title I'll thank thee to shew." 
 
 " I will," said the fly, " and perhaps thou wilt say, 
 
 " I wish I'd ne'er heard it, but gone on my way-
 
 IMPROMPTU ON THE TIMES, 89 
 
 " The King of Great Britain, pray what is he ? 
 " Why a speck when compar'd with immensity ; 
 " The king of all worlds, Jehovah on high, 
 " When us he created, commanded each fly 
 " To drink what he would, although not to spill, 
 " Nor ever get tipsy but just take his fill ; 
 " Gave each one a horn to draw up his beer, 
 " And instinct to guide where good liquor were ; 
 "With power and might us flies he could trust, 
 " We all are Collectors, and take what is just ; 
 " Canst thou say as much ? now make thy reply :" 
 But the officer bowed, and bid him '* Good bye." 
 
 IMPROMPTU ON THE TIMES, 
 
 WRITTEN IN FEB. 1826. 
 
 'Tis curious to see, in these times of depression. 
 How men skip about of a certain profession. 
 
 And never once seem to demur ; 
 The first are bum-bailiff's, who, like pioneers. 
 Go forth to make way for those loud auctioneers. 
 While la\vyers do follow and prick up their ears 
 
 For bankruptcies daily occur.
 
 YORKSHIRE ELECTION, 
 
 IN FAVOUR OF KICHARD BBTHELl.^ ESQ. OF RISK. 
 
 Freeholders of Yorkshire, pray lend your atten- 
 tion. 
 
 While I relate briefly a candidate's claim ; 
 Examine minutely his cause and pretension, 
 
 And show you he's fairly connected with fame. 
 
 chorus. 
 Let all party feeling, self-interest, and faction. 
 
 Give way in the choice of a parliament-man ; 
 One gifted by nature, and fitted for action. 
 
 Such is Mr. Bethell, deny it who can. 
 
 • This piece was written after Mr. Bethell had retired 
 from the contest ; but when it was confidently asserted by 
 some of the Committees, that he had again come forward, 
 i. e. between the days of Nomination and Election. Mr. 
 BetheU had the greatest show of hands on the Nomination- 
 day, but from pecuniary circumstances, he refused to stand 
 a Poll.
 
 YORKSHIRE ELECTION. 91 
 
 A true British subject, well known in your county. 
 Independent in every sense of the word ; 
 
 He'll faithfully serve you without any bounty. 
 Far better than some with the title of lord. 
 Let all party feeling, &c. 
 
 As far as is right he'll support Toleration, 
 
 But still not to injure the " Protestant Cause ;" 
 
 He ardently wishes the good of the nation. 
 And justly admires her excellent laws. 
 Let all party feeling, &c. 
 
 He'll vote for the Corn bill to have such revision. 
 As both Agriculture and Commerce will suit ; 
 
 With feelings of pity he views the condition 
 Of men who are goaded with chains like the brute. 
 Let all party feeling, &c. 
 
 This song then most truly his tenets comprise. 
 Though for lack of money he'd nearly retired ; 
 
 But now, like the Phoenix, behold how he'll rise. 
 Encouraged, supported,* belov'd, and admir'd. 
 Let all party feeling, &c. 
 
 " Alluding to a rumour that a Subscription was making, &c.
 
 AN ACROSTIC, 
 WITH VIRGIL'S ^NEID. 
 
 T HANK you for lending me this book ; 
 O f Virgil's muse it well hath spoke ; 
 G randeur-, beauty, worth, and merit, 
 E very sentence doth inherit. 
 
 f ancient Troy old Homer wrote, 
 R eveal'd the royal kings of note, 
 G ave us a list of Grecian powers, 
 E ngag'd to raze the Trojan towers ; 
 S how'd us a seige of ten years long, 
 M ade Hector brave, Achilles strong. 
 
 1 n his Iliad, he has said, 
 
 T roy was taken. Hector bled. 
 
 H ere then the noble author ceas'd, 
 
 H aving Achilles' -wrath appeas'd. 
 
 U nto great Virgil next we owe, 
 
 (N or has he fail'd) their end to show : 
 
 S ome Grecians schem'd a wooden horse, 
 
 L eft it near Troy, and took their course ; 
 
 E njoying victory as they thought, 
 
 T roy took it in and rnin brought.
 
 THE WANDERING JEW. 
 
 As rambling one morn down the banks of the Aire, 
 Whose current was gliding so gentle and clear, 
 
 A long-bearded man came in view. 
 As old as Methuselah he seem'd to be ; 
 Thought I, my old grandmother often told me 
 That there was such a thing in creation to see 
 
 As a man call'd " the wand'ring Jew." 
 
 He quickly approach'd me, and cried " Hail, young 
 
 man. 
 Our forefathers of old, when time first began. 
 
 Wore their beards thus exposed to view ; 
 Remember, destruction ^vill shortly come on ; 
 The wicked, I'll warrant thee, will be cut down. 
 While Southcottarians are spared alone. 
 
 For these are the favourite few. 
 
 • This piece first appeared in " The Gentleman's MatJie- 
 matical Companion''' for the present year, in which, by an 
 urror of the Press, the words " yon mansion," in the 
 beginning of the third stanza, were printed " your mansion," 
 which the author could not pass over without notice, as it 
 :onveyed a very erroneous idea, seeing his dwelling is a 
 ToU-House.
 
 94 THE WANDERING JEW. 
 
 ■' Yon mansion will soon be my dwelling no doubt. 
 Each day on a jack-ass I then will ride out, 
 
 My spirits and strength to renew ; 
 When the true Messiah, young Shiloh, shall come, 
 I'll drink with my friends from a barrel at home. 
 And banish old poverty ever to roam." 
 
 So ended " the wandering Jew." 
 
 While he was talking, I made out his phiz ; 
 " Bless me," said I to him, " I see who it is. 
 
 Thy voice I was certain I knew ; 
 Thou'rt scarcely yet thirty, I know, but alas ! 
 Thou'st a beard like a goat, and brains like an ass :' 
 I left him direct, when I saw who it was. 
 
 That I'd ta'en for " the wand'ring Jew." 
 
 THE FISHERMAN, 
 
 ON SEEING A PERSON PASS WITH FISHING TACKLE. 
 
 This fisherman goes often by. 
 And some chance time he gets a fry ; 
 He must be patient in his catching. 
 For I should really tire of watching ; 
 I think I'd rather suffer strangling. 
 Than have to earn my bread with angling.
 
 VERSES, 
 
 SENT TO OLD ABRAHAM, THE FARMER. 
 
 Hail ! hearty old fellow, I hope you keep mellow. 
 And get a drop just when 'tis wanted ; 
 
 I've not had a letter, this twelve month or better. 
 To say whether you have recanted. 
 
 I hope you're inditing, and soon will be writing, 
 A letter to tell me the whole. Sir ; 
 
 To say what you're feeding, and whether you're 
 breeding, 
 A calf, or a pig, or a foal. Sir. 
 
 Likewise if you're healthy, ne'er mind being wealthy. 
 If you can but get decently through. Sir ; 
 
 A state of your labours, also if your neighbours 
 Are well, let us know I pray do, Sir. 
 
 For us, we keep hearty, avoiding all party. 
 
 Our family increases in number ; 
 And if you'll come over, you'll quickly discover, 
 
 We have not much time here to slumber.
 
 VERSES, 
 
 ADDRESSED TO A YOUNG GENTLEMAN ON HIS BEING IN 
 COMPANV WITH AN AMIABLE VOUNG LADY. 
 
 Ah ! Sir, I would have you beware. 
 For young is your partner and fair ; 
 In person and feature she's pretty, 
 Accomplish'd, engaging, and witty. 
 
 If Cupid should strike with his dart. 
 He'll poison your innocent heart ; 
 Your homage he'll claim as his duty. 
 When once you have yielded to beauty. 
 
 Old Adam remember and Eve, 
 The apples were fair I beHeve, 
 The giver was kind and inviting, 
 Yet sorrow attended his biting. 
 
 If wedlock is not your desire. 
 
 Pray do not run into the fire ; 
 
 Ah ! Damon, beware what you're doing. 
 
 Lest lovely Phillis prove your ruin.
 
 SPECULATION; 
 
 OR, A PICTURE OF THE TIMES, 1826. 
 
 Have you heard of an imp surnam'd Speculation, 
 Who lately has made such a stir in this nation ? 
 He has given Old England a terrible switch ; 
 Hence many a sprig, who once thought himself rich 
 Now feeds upon tripes, rice-milk, and red-herring ; 
 Young Bluster the banker was one, I've beenhearing; 
 Last year how he swell'd, and neglected advice ! 
 His living was partridges, hares, and roast grice ; 
 But the bubble soon burst and ruin'd this squib, 
 And alter'd most strangely the look of his jib ; 
 Pale sickness soon follow'd, he died in despair, — 
 Such is Speculation ; his sight who can bear ? 
 Whose heart is like marble, he'll ruin us soon. 
 As he has already done many a one. 
 Though friend Justice, I hope, the villain will seize. 
 Sling a line round his neck, and give him a squeeze; 
 I'd have him hung up in a tree like a leaf. 
 With a label inscrib'd, " the National thief," 
 As a warning to all such knaves in this nation 
 Who hold correspondence with vile Speculation.
 
 AN ENIGMA. 
 
 Good neighbours all hail, though simple my tale, 
 
 I come a short story to tell ; 
 I'm known to you all : the cot and the hall 
 
 I enter and constantly dwell. 
 
 What part of the earth gave rise to my birth 
 
 At present I cannot declare ; 
 But, if you will read the scriptures with heed. 
 
 You'll find I am spoken of there. 
 
 I'm made, you behold, of silver or gold. 
 
 Of brass, copper, iron, or tin : 
 I vary in hue — sometimes I am blue, 
 
 Sometimes I am yellow or green. 
 
 Though I give no light, you use me at night ; 
 
 I often go with you to bed : 
 Most likely just now I'm at your elbow. 
 
 If night's sable curtains are spread. 
 
 At cards, dance, and play, whole nights I oft stay. 
 
 And hold a conspicuous place ; 
 But if I neglect to stand up erect. 
 
 Bless me ! how you Avrinkle your face.
 
 PHILANTHROPY. 99 
 
 Of honour I sing — I'm oft witl; the king, 
 With noblemen, lords, dukes, and 'squires ; 
 
 And likemse, ye poor, though small is your store, 
 I'm frequently found near your fires. 
 
 I think now 'tis time to give up my rhyme — 
 No doubt you have found out my name : 
 
 Then let it resound your neighbourhoods round, 
 That all men may hear of my fame. 
 
 PHILANTHROPY, (an acrostic.) 
 
 P hilanthropy thou heaven-born guest, 
 
 H ow shall thy nature be exprest ? 
 
 I nclin'd to seek for scenes of woe : 
 
 L oving thy goodness to bestow : 
 
 A father to the fatherless, 
 
 N ear to the widow in distress ; 
 
 T ender, beneficent, and kind, 
 
 H ealing diseases of the mind : 
 
 R eady and willing to relieve 
 
 O n all occasions — those who grieve. 
 
 P erfect in Christian charity ; 
 
 Y es ! such is true philanthropy. 
 
 H 2
 
 ANAGRAM. 
 
 Ye anagram friends, attend to my ditty. 
 Perhaps 'twill amuse, though not very pretty. 
 Of letters but four, by six transpositions, 
 You'll find it will answer these plain definitions : — 
 A number of goods when pack'd up together. 
 And bound with a cord, or a piece of strong leather: 
 A sort of eruption, pustule, or pimple. 
 Oft seen on the face of drunken John Grimple : — 
 A term that means wise, powerful, or wealthy, 
 Applied to those that are robust and healthy : — 
 The name of a man, slain by his own brother. 
 Whose fate was bewailed by father and mother : — 
 A mount Avhere Joshua an altar erected. 
 Wrote the laws upon stones, as Moses directed :— 
 An island, where late there dwelt a commander, 
 By some people styl'd " Modern Alexander." 
 
 THE FARMER'S SUNDAY CHAT. 
 
 When a set of and farmers whea live here and there, 
 Do meet on a Sunday what news yan may hear ; 
 What accidents happen they maistly repeat ; 
 Hoo markets are ganging and hoo they sell wheat; 
 They tell yan another hoo coos thrive and swine, 
 When coming frae hearing a sarmon divine.
 
 SATURDAY, 
 
 OR THK HOUSE IN DISORDER. 
 
 When Saturday comes what a bustle and throng, 
 Every thing in the house then seems to be wrong ; 
 Chairs, tables, and beds are moved about, 
 A warfare commences, the flies are drove out, 
 The books good and bad are all pil'd on a heap, 
 Youv'e scarce time to stand ere your wife wants to 
 
 sweep : 
 What strange convulsions there are in each house. 
 Caps, cans, kettles, dishes, are thrown about loose ; 
 Cobwebs are brush'd down the dust of one week. 
 Is all put in motion, you hardly can speak ; 
 If you say a word jour spouse is provok'd. 
 And cries (in her passion), ''she hope's you'll be 
 
 choak'd ;" 
 Fire-irons, fenders, and so forth, are rubb'd. 
 The floor too with water and mop is well scrubb'd ; 
 'Tis then children cry for want of a nurse, 
 Patience then is a prize or man would soon curse ; 
 For who can bear such an uproar as this r 
 But I'll say no more since it is as it is.
 
 SUNDAY MORNING; 
 
 OR, A SCKNR IN A POOR JIAN's COTTAGE. 
 
 Hail ! Sunday, sweet day of delight. 
 Cessation from labour and toil ; 
 
 When master and servant unite 
 All business to stop for awhile. 
 
 How blest is the journeyman's lot, 
 This morning he has not to roam ; 
 
 But stops and enjoys in his cot. 
 The comforts of wedlock at home. 
 
 His furniture clean'd and arrang'd 
 In order, not one thing is wrong ; 
 
 How pleasing the scene, and how chang'd 
 Since yesterday's bustle and throng. 
 
 How king-like he sits in his chair. 
 
 And holds a parental levee ; 
 His partner each child with due care. 
 
 Presents to its favourite's knee. 
 
 His children are pleas'd with the sight, 
 Adorn'd in their neat Sunday dresses ;
 
 SUNDAY MORNING. 103 
 
 And who can express his delight. 
 While each in its turn he caresses ? 
 
 The oldest then reads him a page ; 
 
 The second some wonder will tell ; 
 In gambols a third doth engage. 
 
 The youngest will give him a smile. 
 
 Never king liad such courtiers as these. 
 
 So free from all guile and deceit ; 
 From purest affection they please. 
 
 Such children make marriage complete. 
 
 If righteous, the father then prays. 
 Committing his charge to the Lord ; 
 
 And asking direction and grace. 
 To walk by the rule of his word. 
 
 Thus cheerful, contented, and free. 
 If favour'd with labour and health ; 
 
 He lives, and his whole family. 
 
 More happy than some that have wealth. 
 
 If bachelors knew how he's blest. 
 
 Who leads a sweet conjugal life ; 
 I'm certain they never could rest, 
 
 Till each one had got him a wife-
 
 MR. PEEL 
 
 AND THE CRIMINAL CODE ; 
 
 OR A DREAM. 
 
 Thk arms of old Somnus one night as I lay in, 
 Methought I was wafted to Pluto's great court ; 
 
 Judge Minos was seated, the clerk was just saying. 
 Bring hither the pris'ner safe under escort. 
 
 The culprit was quickly brought up and arraigned, 
 " Robert Peel you stand charg'd with," (he read 
 aloud 
 
 A lengthy indictment) which shortly contained, 
 " Wilfully condensing the criminal code. 
 
 " And thereby depriving his Majesty Pluto, 
 
 Of blundering statutes for eight hundred years ; 
 
 All which, but for you, had remain'd in statu quo, 
 For ages to come as it plainly appears.
 
 MR. PEEL. 105 
 
 " All these you've repealed, excepting the essence, 
 Which you have kept out and put into one act ; 
 
 Hereafter no chance will be left for the presence 
 Of seniors — aiding young thieves to transact." 
 
 He paus'd — and the demons sat anxiously waiting, 
 To hear the proceedings and how he would plead; 
 
 The Attorney-General sin was relating. 
 How crime best succeeded when age took the 
 lead. 
 
 The clerk then proceeded and finished his reading, 
 With "how say you Peel, are you guilty, or not?" 
 
 "Guilty," said he, boldly: the judge said such pleading 
 Would not get his sentence abated one jot. 
 
 " The miscreant," hislordship observ'd, " was convicted 
 Of infringing the rights of our Sovereign Lord ; 
 
 W^hich most heinous offence could not be depicted. 
 In language too strong — banishment he'd incurr'd. 
 
 " Our most worthy agents, those long robed fellows, 
 By raising objections on mere " points of law :" 
 
 Have sav'd some old servants from death and the 
 gallows. 
 Who've afterwards pointed young men to the flaw.
 
 106 MK. PEEL. 
 
 " But you have depriv'd them of chance altogether^ 
 For which you are sentenc'd from this very day, 
 
 To one of the globules suspended in ether, 
 ExpeU'd our dominions for ever, away. 
 
 " Old Charon will ferry you over Avernus, 
 
 Then leave you to wander alone the dark void ; 
 
 TiU you find a place within of Saturnus :" 
 
 He ceas'd — and the hearers seem'd quite overjoy 'd. 
 
 They bawl'd, sung, and shouted, and made such 
 loud laughter. 
 That Somnus was frighten'd ; I woke from my 
 dream ; 
 I cannot tell what got the criminal after, 
 But certainly Pluto will never have him.
 
 NOTES TO THE TOLL BAR. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 (a) Verse 11, page 3. 
 
 And if not own'd within five days, 
 He's authorised to sell. 
 
 Extract from the General Turnpike Road Act. 3 Geo. I V. 
 cap. 126. — " Section XXXIX. That if any person subject 
 or liable to the payment of any of the toll or tolls under and 
 by virtue of this or any other act of parliament, for making, 
 repairing, or maintaining any turnpike road, shall, after 
 demand thereof made, neglect or refuse to pay the same, 
 or any part or parts thereof, it shall be lawful for the person 
 or persons authorized or appointed to collect such tolls, by 
 himself or themselves, or takmg such assistance as he or 
 they shall think necessary, to seize and distrain any horse, 
 beast, cattle, carriage, or other thing, upon or in respect of 
 which any such toll is imposed, together with their 
 respective bridles, saddles, gears, harness, or accoutrements, 
 (except the bridle or reins of any horse or other beast, sepa- 
 rate from the horse or beast,) or any carriage in respect of 
 the horses or cattle drawing the carriage on which such toil
 
 108 NOTES. 
 
 is imposed, or any of the goods or chattels of the person or 
 persons so neglecting or refusing to pay ; and if the toll, or 
 any part thereof, so neglected or refused to be paid, and the 
 reasonable charges of such seizure and distress, shall not be 
 paid within the space of four days next after such seizure 
 and distress made, the person or person so seizing and dis- 
 training may sell the horse, beast, cattle, carriages, or things 
 so seized and distrained, or a sufficient part thereof, return- 
 ing the overplus of the money to arise by such sale (if any) 
 and what shall remain unsold, upon demand, to the owner 
 thereof, after such tolls and the reasonable charges occa- 
 sioned by such seizure, distress, and sale shall be deducted." 
 
 (6) Verse 18, pa(/e 5. 
 
 Well, either at the gate will do, 
 Or after having passed through. 
 
 Extract from " An Act of Parliament for amending and 
 repairing the road from Leeds to Wakefield, in the County of 
 York; 2 Geo. IV, Sess. 1821, page 21 :— " And be it fiirther 
 enacted, that if any i)erson or persons subject to the pay- 
 ment of any of the tolls by tliis act granted or made payable, 
 shall after demand thereof made either at the Gate, Bar, or 
 Chain where such tolls shall be collected, or after passing 
 through the same, it shall be lawful," &c. 
 
 See also Section CXXXIX. of the General Act above- 
 mentioned, where the word demand is entirely left out ; and 
 so it should, for if two or more persons came to the Gate a* 
 the same time, one of them might keep the collector em- 
 ployed whilst the others rode off, especially at such times 
 as the races. Thu section is as foUow.s : — " That in case
 
 109 
 
 any person or persons shall resist or make forcible opposition 
 ai^ainst any person or persons employed in the due execu- 
 tion of this act, or any particular act made for amending 
 any turnpike road, or shall assault any surveyor, or any col- 
 lector or collectors of the tolls, in the execution of his or 
 their office or offices, or shall pass throusfh any turnpike 
 gate or gates, rail or rails, chain or chains, or other fence or 
 fences set up or to be set up by authority of parhament, 
 without paying the toll appointed to be paid at such gate or 
 other fence, or shall hinder or make any rescue of cattle or 
 other goods distrained by virtue of this act, every such per- 
 son offending therein shall for every such offence forfeit any 
 sum not exceeding ten pounds, at the discretion of the 
 justice or justices of the peace before whom he or she shall 
 be convicted. 
 
 (c) and (d) verses 25 and 26, page ^. 
 
 Why eight-pence he directly said. 
 
 The reader should be informed that this poem refers in 
 particular to the " Leeds and Wakfield Road," on which are 
 two toll-gates which ticket each other ; a gig paying six- 
 pence at the first and threepence at the second bar, on the 
 ticket being produced by the rider. He must also be told, 
 that between these two toll gates, another road comes into 
 the "Leeds and Wakefield Road," called the " Barnsdsle 
 Road," on which latter road are three toU-gates, at the 
 first and second of which the charge for a gig is eightpence 
 each bar, when a ticket is given which clears them at the 
 third ; and then, on coming to the bar on the " Leeds and 
 Wakefield Road;" they have agam to pay the sum of 
 sixpence.
 
 110 NOTES. 
 
 Verse 37, page 12. 
 When on King's duty he's toll free. 
 
 The General Turnpike Act, section XXXII. enacts, — 
 " That no toll shall be demanded or taken," &c. " for the 
 horse or horses of any officers or soldiers on their march or 
 on duty" &c. 
 
 Query — What duty had they to perform at the Race 
 Course ? 
 
 For the benefit of toll-collectors and the public at large, 
 I insert the two following extracts from the General Turn- 
 pike Act. In the first I would beg leave to direct their 
 attention to the word empty ; as no carriage, although drawn 
 by post horses, is exempt from paying a fresh toll in return- 
 ing after twelve o'clock, unless the same be empty, &c. 
 
 Section XXIX. That all hoi-ses travelling for hire under 
 the post horse duties acts, having passed through any turn- 
 pike gate erected or to be erected on any turnpike road, 
 drawing any carriage in respect of which any toll shall have 
 been paid, on returning through the turnpike gate at which 
 the toll shall have been paid, and the other gates (if any) 
 cleared by such payment, either without such carriage, or 
 drawing such carriage, the same being empty, and without 
 a ticket denoting a free hiring, shall be permitted to re-pass 
 toll-free, although such horses or carnage shall not have 
 passed through such turnpike gate on the same day ; pro- 
 vided that such horses so travelling shall return, before 
 nine of the clock of the morning succeeding the day on 
 which they first passed the turnpike gate at which the toll 
 shall have been paid
 
 NOTES. Ill 
 
 Extract from section Ji'XA'// ;_" That no toll shall be 
 demanded or taken by virtue of this or any other act or 
 acts of Parliament, on any turnpike road, of or from any 
 person or persons going to or returning from liis, her, or 
 their proper parochial church or chapel, or of or from any 
 other person or persons going to or returnmg from his, 
 her, or their usual places of religious worship tolerated by 
 law, on Sundays, or on any day on which divine service is by 
 authority ordered to be celebrated." 
 
 In the latter extract I could wish dissenters, &c. to 
 observe the word usual, as it appears the Legislature never 
 intended the benefit of exemption from paying toll on a 
 Sunday, to be extended to persons going to a place of 
 worship accidentally or occasionally ; it must be regularly, 
 hence the term " their usual place of religious worship." 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 LEEDS • PRINTED BY ROBINSON- AVD IIEUVAMAN.
 
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