TT~> EA EDWARD OF THS UNIVERSITY OF REUBEN LARKMEAD His ticket had drawn a prize Frontispiece. Page 12 Reuben Larkmead A Story of Worldlings By EDWARD W. TOWNSEND In idle wishes fools supinely stay; Be there a will, and Wisdom finds a way. CRABBE. ILLUSTRATIONS BY WALLACE MORGAN G> W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY PUBLISHERS NEW YORK COPYRIGHT, 1905, BY G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY Issued March, 1905 Reuben Larkmead CONTENTS I. HEARTS AND COACHES . . , ,9 II. DICE AND DIAMONDS . . . . 28 III. THE PENALTY OF POPULARITY , ,48 IV. A WIDOW S ADVICE . . . -65 V. CUPID AND POLITICS .... 79 VI. THE MYSTERY OF INCOMES ... 98 VII. A WORLDLING ON SOCIETY . , .114 VIII. THE MARRIAGE MARKET . . .132 IX. OF LOVE AND ADORATION . . .154 X. Is CUPID A CROOK. . . . .171 XI. UNEXPECTED WEDDING BELLS . .188 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE His ticket had drawn a prize . . Frontispiece 1 2 " How s Beet Preferred this morning?" . . 16 A merry party for the races .... 40 " What s that kid been doing ? " . . . 67 That ruffian s throat in my hands ... 94 " I beg you to be calm " . . . . 109 " I know your Uncle s wants " . . 123 "The cunningest thing on earth!" . . 142 Sang the chorus with Frances . . .166 Widdies get awfully lonesome" . . . 185 An uninterrupted afternoon ... 197 Illustrations by courtesy of The New York Herald. CHAPTER ONE HEARTS AND COACHES HAD been in New York sev eral days without calling on my Aunt Sarah, to whom I had been commended by my Uncle Silas, her brother, but felt justified in this delay because Uncle Silas had sug gested that I enjoy a few days of uncon ventional sightseeing before entering upon the social life Aunt Sarah would open for me. In following my uncle s suggestion I early had occasion to recall his whimsical offer to wager me a thousand shares of Beet Sugar Preferred that I would have some adventures worth telling. Surely, I had such adventures, and it is those I am now about to record in an orderly manner; 9 Reuben Larkmead believing them, of their own substance, to be worth writing down, and further moved thereto by a wish to give warning of temptations endangering the paths of young gentlemen of wealth making their first visit to our mighty metropolis. If all these adventures do not relate to the works of the righteous, but at times reveal the activities of the wicked, yet is their value none the less as warning, or as studies in sociology. But not alone the sinful come within the circle of my experience ; highly placed men and women, as strongly moved by ambition as the lowly by less estimable motives, will be found among the persons of my truthful drama-comedy. Upon arriving in New York I put up at the hotel recommended by Uncle Silas, and while its comforts were all that he pictured them from his own experience, its expensiveness surprised me, and would 10 Hearts and Coaches have been an embarrassment were not my inherited holdings in Beet Sugar Pre ferred a justification for such liberality in expenditures as becomes a gentleman of wealth. It was a disappointment not to find in the hotel a central stove around which gentlemen gathered after supper to discuss the price of beets and the tariff on sugar, as is the pleasant and instruc tive custom at the inn at home. But I soon found that New Yorkers are not, as are the citizens of Beetville, disposed to make acquaintance without formal intro duction. Several I spoke to rudely stared at me without replying, and passed on, although one threatened to call the police if I tried any confidence game on him. Alas, I did not then know what he meant ! Thus it was that, in this state of en forced loneliness, I was well pleased to have a gentleman I met in Trinity 11 Reuben Larkmead churchyard accost me pleasantly. We were soon in friendly conversation which was interrupted by the appearance of a businesslike looking person who came to inform my companion that his ticket in a lottery had drawn a thousand dollar prize. The lucky winner was delighted to hear this, but having an important en gagement up town gave me the ticket to collect for him, accepting from me a hun dred dollars which he suggested would be a merely formal guarantee that I would meet him at my hotel in the evening to settle our account. He then hurried to a subway station to keep his engagement, leaving me to collect the prize, for which purpose I was to accompany the agent to the lottery office. In the crowd of Broad way I soon lost the agent, and to my further bewilderment the prize winner failed to appear at the hotel that evening. Fearing that the winner might be in 12 Hearts and Coaches trouble I related some account of the af fair to the hotel detective, and asked his advice. With much patience the detect ive disclosed certain facts to me which hastened my resolve to seek only such society as would be provided for me by my Aunt Sarah. I found my aunt to be a lady of extreme elegance of manner and abiding in a house of elaborate richness, excelling my own two-story mansion in Beetville. She received me with great cordiality, but embarrassed me overmuch by dwelling on my large fortune. Such matters are considered more deeply in New York than with us in the West. I was puzzled, too, by aunt s statement that, the extent of my fortune being known among her neighbors, or, as she said, " in my set," she would have no dif ficulty in finding me a proper wife. Poor, dear aunt ! She really seemed to think 13 Reuben Larkmead that I would marry a girl I could not win by my own ungilded worth. But these are idle speculations and I shall proceed with an account of my adventures. I accepted aunt s invitation to dinner, and there first met my Cousin Josephine, a young person of some pretensions to beauty, but, to my mind, too frivolous to be acceptable in intellectual society. Still, all the young men at dinner except me were devoted to her, and were enter tained by her pert comments on worldly subjects in which I then thought the young human female should be but little informed. Her frivolity of speech was in contrast with that of a lady guest at dinner, a Mrs. Jack Lacquerre. She was a widow, my elder by some years, perhaps, but the most charming of her sex it had ever been my happiness to know. Unlike Cousin Josephine, she did not always talk 14 Hearts and Coaches of golf, tennis, the " ponies " which tri fling word is employed to mean race horses but was disposed to listen with agreeable interest to my informing re marks on the future of beet sugar, and the wickedness of those who would let the stealthy products of our insular pos sessions namely, cane sugar creep into our unprotected homes free of duty, to the destruction of an infant but profitable industry. While she seemed to understand the childish chatter of the others about the ponies and kindred subjects, she did not leave me out of the conversation, as did the others, when they saw my amiable purpose to instruct them on a point of political economics. I was aware, too, that to her I was indebted for an invita tion a young man gave me to become one of a coaching party to drive to a country club the next day for lunch. 15 Reuben Larkmead I went on the coach and was delighted to find myself placed by the side of Mrs. Lacquerre. Some of the young gentle men must have felt penitent about their indifference to my improving conversa tion of the evening before, for they greeted me with hearty inquiries, such as " How s Beet Preferred this morning ?" and " When will it be made a crime to sweeten black coffee with cane sugar ? " Finding them thus disposed to take a rational view of the real interests of life, I delivered to them the speech I made be fore the Beet Grinders Trust at a stock holders meeting. My oratory, which I know to be thrilling, was received with frequent outbursts of appreciative laugh ter, although I had never before discov ered its humorous points. Humor, while it is a mental attribute I held in but slight esteem, I determined to cultivate for its aid on the political ros- 16 How s Beet Preferred this morning?" Page 16 Hearts and Coaches trum, for one of the young gentlemen assured me that if I would deliver that speech before a district club meeting here, even the police would have diffi culty in attending to the things which would happen. These tributes to my eloquence prompted me to offer to make another speech, but Mrs. Lacquerre begged me not to, saying that too much of a good thing would throw the young gentlemen into fits. My fair companion called attention to our host s driving, and it surprised me to learn that mere ability to handle reins which is possessed by every car driver was so highly esteemed by her. I saw that to be a real hero in that life one, be sides possessing the rare qualities I had, must also be able to do something in the way of sports, like driving a coach or a golf ball. While this surprised me, I was too much a man of the world not to recog- 17 Reuben Larkmead nize what my place in society demanded, so I determined to take up coaching at once. Especially did I resolve to do this when Mrs. Lacquerre remarked : " Coaching is a stunning sport, and I can drive any four that ever looked through bridles, but it s so deuced expensive a beggar like me has to pass it up." Then I instantly resolved to present her a coach and four, and when we arrived at the club house I called aside one of the hired men who had been playing a horn on the coach, but without much musical results, and told him that if he knew of a proper turnout for sale to let me have particulars. He replied that it was lucky I had spoken to him, as he chanced to know of a great bargain if it had not been snapped up. He kindly offered to telephone into town and learn. It seemed, as he explained, that a gentleman who had lost heavily in Wall Street was dis- 18 Hearts and Coaches posing of a coach and four at a sacrifice. The hired man told me not to mention it to any of our party, as they would be keen to take advantage of the chance and thus spoil our bargain. I begged him to hasten to the telephone at once, and, having arranged so good a thing, I cheerfully accompanied our party out into the field, where a number of people were engaged in playing the fash ionable game of golf. The game did not appeal to me ; its purpose being, so far as I could discover, to displace a small sphere from one location and replace it in an other, the first location being on a slight elevation of moist sand, the second being a slight depression or recess in the turf. I sagely pointed out to Mrs. Lacquerre that the feat could be accomplished with less exertion and more certainty if the player should take the sphere by hand from the sand hill and deposit it by hand 19 Reuben Larkmead into the slight depression or recess, called the hole, instead of endeavoring to do so by the aid of various implements of wood and iron, swung with energy, but fre quently without results adequate to the force employed. She said that if I felt that way about the game we had better not follow the players, but sit in the shade of a tree and wait for our party, who would stroll the links until they had appetites for lunch. We did so, while I conversed on various topics with her, among them the value of land fertilizers. She was deeply im pressed by my earnestness and erudition, and sat on the turf, reclining against a tree, her parasol shading her eyes from my .view, and so silent, except for her light regular breathing, I felt that I had never before had so appreciative a listener. At once to my confession ; I fell deeply in love with Mrs. Lacquerre at that mo- Hearts and Coaches ment. It was not her beauty, grace, so cial position alone which enthralled me, but the discovery of a congenial spirit, a soul which could throb as one with mine ; and as she listened, rapt by the magic of my eloquence, motionless, thrilled, I felt that there was a sympathetic nature worth all the wealth of my love. To show what were my thoughts, and, as it were, to learn her thoughts by an action, I raised one of her hands to my lips. Rapture ! there was no protest. I knew that my feelings were reciprocated. The crowd neared, and, afraid to remain by her side, lest my surging breast should force me to speak though all the world heard, I hurried away. Behind the coach house the hired man reported to me that he had telephoned to the agent of the turnout, who agreed to hold it for me until nine o clock that evening. The price, said the man, was 21 Reuben Larkmead virtually a give-away, a mere two thou sand five hundred dollars. It was, at that period, difficult for me to accustom myself to what New Yorkers call trifling sums, and, while of course I could easily afford the sum named, I said I thought it high. The man replied that I had better snap at it, as he must telephone my decision at once. So I agreed to in spect the turnout that evening and pur chase if it suited me. At lunch and on the drive home, I was in a trance of happiness. Mrs. Lac- querre gave up her seat by my side to my Cousin Josephine, and I understood the delicacy of the act ; it would embar rass her to be so near me, and yet not speak of what was stirring both our hearts my kiss of her hand, the seal of our unspoken vow ! At the Circle that evening I met the coach and four, driven by the man who 22 Hearts and Coaches had conducted the trade for me. The horses coats shone like satin, their eyes gleamed, the coach glistened in the elec tric lights like polished glass. I as cended to the side of the driver, who con fided to me that I had been wise to close the bargain by telephone, for the agent had since had an offer of three thousand dollars for the turnout. I was anxious at hearing this, thinking myself well in formed as to the trickiness of horse dealers, so I told the man to drive to the stables at once and close the trade. It was an exciting drive, for the ani mals seemed disposed to go on their hind feet, or on their heads ; but we reached the stable in safety, the driver assuring me that the animals only needed a twenty-mile trot to settle down all right. The agent confirmed the driver about having a larger offer, but I was sharp with him, and compelled him to accept 23 Reuben Larkmead the check I at once drew in full payment. Then I ordered my purchase sent to Mrs. Lacquerre the next day and came to my hotel to quietly consider what further action, if any, I should take in response to the demands of my heart. Upon calm reflection I determined to offer Mrs. Lac querre something more precious than a mere coach and four my heart and hand ! How little I knew that I should soon think this world false, hollow! Life a nightmare one would shun, except that it is cowardly to evade any duty even the sad duty of living. How little I then felt disposed to leave this cruel city, this heartless, cynical madness called New York, and sadly roam distant lands striv ing to bury my grief from sight ! All that I was soon to feel. I called on Mrs. Lacquerre and for a time we conversed on indifferent matters, 24 Hearts and Coaches I wanting to give her time to prepare for the honor about to be conferred on her. We sat where we could look into the street, and I was glad to see the coach approach, for it would serve as an inci dent to base my declaration of love upon. Her gaze was directed at the turnout with great interest, but her looks changed when she saw it stop at her door. She rose and exclaimed in excitement, " What are those skates stopping here for? " Supposing " skates " to be a term of endearment for the horses, I saw my op portunity and, falling on my knees, I declared, " Dear madam, they are yours. They are my gift to you, and with them I also give you my heart and hand ! " With a look of horror in her eyes she cried : " Go out and tell them to take those awful things away ! The poor creatures are doped nigh to death ! And the coach ! Only the varnish keeps the 25 Reuben Larkmead rattletrap from falling apart. Oh, those dreadful skates ; take them away ! Quick ! a crowd is already gathering ! Oh, oh ! " Stung to the soul of my pride, I went to the * door and ordered the driver to re turn to the stables. A policeman, who had come to see what the crowd was about, added : " And hurry about it or the Bergh officers will come and order the poor, old doped skates shot." I reentered the house, again threw my self on my knees and declared my love. The lady looked stunned for a moment, but then said : " You are a very foolish and bold young man. I am years your elder ! Why, I have a daughter old enough to be your wife. Go away ! You may come again when you are quite sane, for you are worth saving, and with a little trimming will make a presentable youngster." "But," I exclaimed, "how about my 26 Hearts and Coaches kiss of your hand yesterday under the tree, to which you did not object ? " " Under the tree ? " she replied, after a thoughtful pause. " I was fast asleep all the time we were there." With that she left the room hastily, and I departed : amazed, stunned, heart broken, for I truly loved her. 27 CHAPTER TWO DICE AND DIAMONDS a day of calm reflection I abandoned my first wild purpose of going abroad to forget my grief; deciding, rather, to remain in New York and make a friend of Mrs. Lacquerre, as she had asked me to. I might not have accepted the advice had not the lady sent me a kind note to call and discuss my plans with her. In the course of our agreeable interview I was surprised to learn that my Uncle Silas and she were old acquaint ances, and that he saw much of her dur ing his visits to New York. She admired him ; seemed to entertain a sentimental regard for him which I 28 Dice and Diamonds was able to say, though with some heart hurt, I hoped he reciprocated. She made no reference to my proposal of marriage to her, but spoke much of the things a young man of my degree should do and not do in New York. " I am a worldling, Mr. Larkmead," she said, " and may perhaps save you some annoyances, even prevent you from falling into some profitless errors, if you will let me be your friend, and sometimes give you a word of advice a stranger in New York should have." Of course I knew that this was well meant, but it seemed unnecessary to one, who was, like me alas, poor fool, as I then thought ! controlled in all things by caution, and an instinctive knowledge of the world. A lack of all worldliness is in no way more plainly denoted in a young man than by his early belief that he possesses it in a marked degree. 29 Reuben Larkmead During my call I met Mrs. Lacquerre s daughter, Frances, and observed her with interest, because of Mrs. Lacquerre s re mark during our previous interview that her daughter was old enough to be my wife, but if she was old enough, that certainly appeared then to be her only qualification. She was a recent graduate of a fashionable academy patronized by the rich and exclusive families, but what is taught there I thought could be of no use or interest to any one. I saw in her only a tall girl, slender, dark, who looked with grave eyes in silence on things about her. I was told that graduates of her academy are noted for a manner of aristocratic reserve which is much com mended, but to me it seemed in Miss Frances a manner of mild insolence, an assumption of superiority for which her mental accomplishments gave no war rant. 30 Dice and Diamonds How unlike to Frances was another young lady I met ! She was not tall, and was light in coloring ; she had no manner of foolish superiority, and in stead of a real or assumed amusement at my acute understanding of weighty mat ters she took the keenest interest in listening to me. She begged for instruc tion, and rapidly advanced in an under standing of matters political and in dustrial. The story of our meeting is one which I must relate in my usually orderly style. Some days after my proposal to Mrs. Lacquerre I was surprised by receiving a call from Mr. Bob Faykerr. I recalled that for one term there came to our Academy at home a young gentleman of the name of Faykerr, who was allowed to resign because of an impetuosity in his manner of living which did not comport with the traditions of the Academy. I did 31 Reuben Larkmead not have the pleasure of his acquaintance then, and he impressed me as not being sympathetic ; as looking with amusement on my scholarly ambitions and moral conduct. But I learned from him that in this I was mistaken, for he assured me that he admired me greatly at the Academy and wished to profit by my acquaintance, but was kept from doing so by a consciousness that he was unfit to claim equality with a pupil of my ex alted moral and intellectual gifts. This was so natural that I admitted at once, when he so explained, that I had been unjust in my mistrust and dislike of him. He politely invited me to dine with him and a party of friends that very evening, and further proposed to show me the city in certain aspects which I had overlooked. As I was still sad over a matter which had deeply grieved me, I 32 Dice and Diamonds gladly took advantage of the opportunity to join his gay company. We dined in elegance at the restaurant of a noted hotel, and extravagantly, too, as I chanced to learn, for Mr. Faykerr had left his check book at home, and permit ted me to become his banker temporarily. I am not addicted to wine drinking, but deeming it best not to be conspicuous in my habits I partook of several glasses of champagne, which, to my surprise, I found to be a beverage of commendable flavor and fragrance, causing an agreeable elevation of the spirits and a sprightliness of the wits which banish thoughts of the graver aspects of life s problems. After dinner Mr. Faykerr remarked that as I was a student of sociology and civic reform it might be well for me to study at first hand some of the phases of life which had come under the condemna tion of the District Attorney, who is also 33 Reuben Larkmead the Public Censor of Morals. I agreed with the suggestion of my thoughtful friend, but was surprised to learn that any of the gambling places were open for inspection, having heard that all were closed by the vigorous methods of sup pression employed by the officials. Mr. Faykerr assured me that there were a few left for the accommodation of gen tlemen of an investigating turn of mind, and soon proved that he was right by taking me to a place of the kind. We began our studies by meeting the proprietor of the establishment, who was so able to conceal his hideous character that he appeared like a quiet and schol arly gentleman, and was able also to assume an amiable and courteous attitude towards me. To my surprise he did not at once suggest that I gamble, but, in stead, directed my attention to some very creditable objects of art by well-known 34: Dice and Diamonds artists, and curios of exceeding beauty. Then he hospitably invited us to enter the supper room and partake free of a re past there set forth and served in excel lent style. After a bird and a glass of champagne which a colored servitor offered, Mr. Faykerr suggested that we see the actual gambling. We ascended by a rich stair way of marble and bronze to a floor above, where a number of patrons were engaged in playing a game called faro. Although it was not my purpose to carry my studies to the extreme point of par ticipating in the wicked hazard of chance, I decided to do so to be better equipped to denounce the evil in a book I pur posed writing about this sinful city. Mr. Faykerr already sat at a table to play, so I, too, sat down and was asked by the man in charge, called the dealer, how many chips I wanted. My companion 35 Reuben Larkmead answered for me, and I was soon playing with lively interest. I won a consider able sum, and thought of quitting, for all who win thereby cripple the power of Satan ; but I concluded to play on, and perhaps take all of the ill-got gains away from the den of iniquity. Again I won, but soon lost, and al though I played with cool calculation, to my dismay I did not win again. Again and again the dealer gave me what chips I needed, never asking me for money, until I suddenly realized that I was in debted to the game several hundreds some thousands, I confess and I was distressed to an extreme degree. I had no such sum with me, and in my con fusion did not remember that I could draw a check until Mr. Faykerr thought fully reminded me, whispering, " If you want to quit you will find a desk with checks on it in the other room." 36 Dice and Diamonds I was greatly relieved to have the pro prietor accept my check without question and with a polite invitation to call again, and a wish for my better luck next time. I determined to call again ; not that I approved of gambling, but to a person of my stern and persistent morality it seemed compromising with the devil to allow my money to remain in the hands of such in struments of evil. I resolved not only to regain what I lost, but win much more, as a lesson and rebuke to the man who so plausibly conducted the evil resort. This I concluded to do by skilfully adopt ing the plan of betting next time on the very cards I lost on last time. We spent some further hours of the night in studies of the lighter sides of metropolitan life, and, to my surprise, Mr. Faykerr was plentifully supplied with money, which he spent liberally though he overlooked repaying me the 37 Reuben Larkmead cost of the dinner. I was surprised, I say, to see him with so much money, for he had not won at the gaming table. If I had not supposed him to be a gentleman I might have had my suspicions aroused that he had received a commission from the gambler on the amount of my losses ; but of course while I had read of such wages being accepted by common fellows, no one of Mr. Faykerr s high social posi tion would stoop so low, I thought. In the course of the evening, at a res taurant where, as I was informed, all the distinguished artists of the dramatic and operatic stage gathered for supper, I was made acquainted with Miss Mayme Frank- lyn, fancifully nicknamed by her inti mates, " Babe." She confided to me that she was soon to star in a splendid pro duction of a famous playwright s master piece, but at the time was resting from professional employment. 38 Dice and Diamonds She was, as I have said for of course she was the lady I have contrasted with Miss Lacquerre petite, blond, merry, but highly intellectual. In short she seemed the most ravishingly beautiful creature I ever saw ! In spite of her sedate mental tendencies she allowed herself simple recre ations as a relief from the arduous duties of her professional work, and was, at the time I first met her, drinking champagne from a large beer glass, and eating lobster. She was richly attired, though rather less completely than seemed becoming in so distinguished an artist in so public a place her waist consisting of little more than a belt and two shoulder straps but she explained this by informing me that she had just come from a reception at an exclusive Fifth Avenue home. To my delight, she agreed to go with me to the next day s races in an automobile Mr. Faykerr had engaged for me. 39 Reuben Larkmead We had a merry party for the races. Several other famous actresses with whose names I was not familiar, for the reason, as they informed me, that they had been playing abroad in London and Paris, accompanied us ; and a lunch Mr. Fay- kerr thoughtfully ordered for me from a noted caterer we ate en route, going and coming ; the young ladies playfully throwing bottles at other automobile parties containing friends, and otherwise proving that their severe artistic training did not suppress their liveliness of heart. For several days I saw much of Babe Miss Franklyn and found her a woman I thought to be worthy of my real adora tion. All my aspirations interested her, all my plans she approved, all my views she understood. Finding my attachment to her of such a nature that she was con stantly in my thoughts, I had about con cluded to offer her my heart and hand. 40 fclrt CL I Dice and Diamonds On the day I reached that conclusion I received a note from Mrs. Lacquerre, asking me to call at once. I responded, and she questioned me about the friends I had recently made, concerning whom, in relation to me, she said there was some current gossip. When I had finished naming and describing them Mrs. Lac querre declared : " Reuben, you have fallen into the clutches of as wicked a gang of sharpers and bounders as New York can boast. " Your friend Faykerr really comes of a good family, but he was disowned by them years ago. He has several times been the hero of sensational press stories of scrapes which would have landed him in jail if swindled men like you would prosecute him. Of course they won t, and he impudently continues living by the industry of plucking geese. The others you mention are not actresses, but 41 Reuben Larkmead belong to the army of nameless parasites who find nourishment after their kind. For your sake, and because of my regard for your uncle, I warn you to beware of such cattle." I was amused at the lady s foolish fears that I could not tell a scoundrel when I saw one, but to quiet her alarm assured her that I would keep an alert eye open for any signs of an intention on the part of my friends to swindle me. Miss Frances Lacquerre joined us as we were having tea. That young person an noyed me. Her calm self-sufficiency in the presence of a man of the world like me was calculated to turn my indifference to her into hatred. I stood her manner of being my superior as long as I could, and then said to her, " Miss Lacquerre, you are but recently from scholastic trammels free/ and I remind you that at school we are not taught to know the 42 Dice and Diamonds W0 rld in the world alone do we learn the world." " Indeed/ she replied ; " then are you really in school yet? " The young lady s pointed intimation that I was not yet a worldly man made me leave the house in a mood which gave but scant and barren soil for the seeds of good advice Mrs. Lacquerre had sought to implant in my mind. Upon returning to my hotel I found a message from Miss Franklyn asking if it would be convenient to loan her for a few days the sum of five hundred dollars. She would repay it from her first week s salary as a star, yet was so distressed at the necessity of asking the temporary favor that she was nearly ill from nerv ousness, and therefore requested me to send the sum named. But I resolved to give her a pleasant surprise by taking the loan to her in person. 43 Reuben Larkmead It was in carrying out my plan to proffer the loan to Miss Franklyn in per son that I was forced to admit that there was more guilt in this world than I was prepared to encounter. I found Miss Franklyn in a morning gown it was six in the afternoon of tenuous texture and somewhat untidy appearance. She seemed more surprised than pleased to have me respond in person, and excused her appearance by informing me that be cause of long rehearsals without salary she had been obliged to pawn much of her extensive wardrobe. This revelation touched me deeply, and when I so in formed her she said that to touch me was an evidence of her merit she scarcely hoped so soon to deserve. I asked her at once to accept the loan she had requested, and she received it with assurances of a speedy return. She then said that she was so much overcome Dice and Diamonds by my kindness that it would be painful for her to prolong the interview ; so, re gretting that I had no opportunity to make the proposal of marriage which I had in mind, I departed. At the front door of the apartment house in which she occupied somewhat restricted accommo dations I saw that it was raining, and to my annoyance I had left my umbrella in Miss Franklyn s hall. I returned quietly, and finding the door ajar, entered, thinking not again to disturb the lady in her nervous condi tion. To my great confusion I overheard her in an adjoining room, talking in a joyful manner to another person, who, I judged from their manner, was her mother. I refrain from relating the con versation I could not but hear before I secured my umbrella and fled, but I am compelled by a sense of duty to confess that I heard her mother affectionately re- 45 Reuben Larkmead proach Babe for not having asked me for a thousand dollars, remarking, " He is so easy a mark." The young lady s gleeful response was that she knew a good thing when she had it, and did not purpose to kill the goose which promised to lay so many golden eggs. Horror-struck at hearing this and a little more it is unnecessary to repeat, I found my umbrella and rushed from the room. While I was compelled to admit that Miss Franklyn s conduct was not free from suspicion, I still felt that if her interest in sugar of the beet variety were properly cultivated it would turn her thoughts from lobster and wine towards a life of greater sweetness and light. Neither could I forget that in speaking of me to her mother she applied to me a term of endearment. She had frequently said to me that she dearly loved a lob- 46 Dice and Diamonds ster, and I overheard her say to her mother in speaking of me, " He s such a lobster ! " CHAPTER THREE THE PENALTY OF POPULARITY ERHAPS at this point in my career I did not advance rapidly in worldliness, but one thing I did learn : that in the world, a penalty of popularity is that one may not have his time at his own disposal. I found myself so much in de mand that many serious studies of social problems were, for the time, at least, abandoned. I was reminded of their pressure upon my time by a letter from my Uncle Silas in which he urged me to see more of my Aunt Sarah, and less of such companions as Bob Faykerr and Babe Franklyn. Against these latter, in truth, he warned The Penalty of Popularity me in true avuncular manner ; professing to see in some slight account I had given him of my adventures, an evidence that I was playing the fool. I could under stand what my uncle, at a distance, and with his old-fashioned notions, considered my moral danger, but I felt that he was needlessly alarmed on my account. I had had my lesson, I said, and should profit by it. I candidly admitted to my self that Miss Franklyn had deceived me as to her necessities and worthiness, and that Mr. Faykerr may have received a share of the money I lost in the gam bling house, as his commission for having introduced me there. But, I thought, an error confessed is atoned ; and I should thereafter see to it that my companions profited no more by me than I did by them. But these speculations are aside from my narrative, with which I shall proceed. 49 Reuben Larkmead Mrs. Lacquerre having gone to her sum mer cottage, Boulder Crest, I received from her a note inviting me for a week end, the time of my arrival and departure being definitely stated in her note, even to the particular train I was to take each way. This struck me as lacking in hospi tality as if one s hostess were fortifying herself against having a stupid guest on her hands a minute longer than she had braced herself to endure the ordeal. I could imagine instances where such pre caution would be advisable, but why should it be used in sending out invita tions to guests who are desirable ? I had, I hope, even at that time, no more than a properly high regard for my own merits, yet I could not but muse upon the fact that for the very week-end Mrs. Lacquerre named I had several other invitations which did not limit my visit to minutes or hours not even days. 50 The Penalty of Popularity I was, for example, invited for a yacht ing cruise by Mr. Ralph Backstay, on whose sloop, the Hyghbott, I had already made one voyage up the Sound. I had met Mr. Backstay in some pleasant com pany one evening, and he cordially in vited me to take a run on his yacht the next day. He was going aboard that night and asked me to call at a certain store in the morning and order a number of articles, of which he gave me a list. I did so, noting that the goods consisted chiefly of refreshments of a solid nature and otherwise. When I mentioned the yacht to which they were to be sent .the salesman politely but with marked firm ness insisted upon cash in advance. Of course I paid for the goods, thinking it would be entirely proper to remind my host of the amount at a later time. It was quite a merry party on the yacht, but the beauty of the Sound ad- 51 Reuben Larkmead dressed the members with no eloquence, as a game of poker began as we started and was never deserted for the twenty- four hours we sailed. Not to seem churlish I played at times " sat in," as Mr. Backstay quaintly put it and at the end of the voyage it was disclosed that the amount of my losses to my host just offset the bill I had paid for sundry cases of wine, patties and other more substan tial provisions. I left the yacht in company with a quiet, smiling gentleman who remarked to me, " You paid the shot this time, I believe." He explained that Mr. Back stay had evolved a plan of high living and plain sailing which much amused and interested his friends. He had in herited nothing but the yacht, " not enough else to live on, ashore," my ac quaintance said, so lived on the yacht permanently. When his larder ran low 52 The Penalty of Popularity he asked some guest to order a new supply and worked out the financial end as in my case. The wages of the crew and other necessary expenses he won at poker. " Ralph s a deuce of a nice fel low," remarked my informant, " and we are all awfully proud of him that he has evolved so successful a plan for living nicely and honestly. Had he not such a pretty wit, or none at all, he might have become a cotillon leader and then we would have been obliged to cut him. As it is we are proud of him." I relate this incident as evidence of the popularity I was already enjoying, my informant assuring me that Mr. Backstay only honored with invitations to his yacht gentlemen whose qualities made their popularity a matter of course. I chanced to speak to Mrs. Lacquerre of this and she laughed heartily, saying, " Poor, dear Ralph Backstay ! We all 53 Reuben Larkmead know him, and I do assure you that you have been correctly informed. He enter tains no one on that amazing yacht of his whose qualities he is not certain are sufficient to provide entertainment." She placed such peculiar accent on the word " entertainment " that had I been of a suspicious nature it might have oc curred to me that the kind of entertain ment provided went into the several hampers of wine and food I sent to the yacht and paid for. But, of course, it would be a kind of mock modesty I greatly condemn for me to pretend that I did not believe myself, aside from my fortune, a young gentleman of high qualities as an entertainer. Only the unobserving and frivolous could deny that, I fancied. This thought brings to my mind Miss Frances Lacquerre. Not that she was frivolous ; she might have been more ac- 54 The Penalty of Popularity ceptable in my esteem if she were. She seemed to me a young woman with a high opinion of her own merits, and that is a phase of character I always found it difficult to encounter with becoming equanimity. Miss Frances had a lofty manner of looking at things at me, for example which her mental attributes did not in any degree justify. So I then thought. At the time of the conversa tion with Mrs. Lacquerre to which I have just referred, I turned to Frances and asked her opinion of Mr. Backstay. She hesitated a moment, and then replied : " I suppose, as society is organized, there is a proper place in it for sharks to pre vent an oversupply of gudgeons." " I fail to appreciate the application of your simile, Miss Frances," I re sponded. " Were there no gudgeons on Mr. Back stay s yacht ? " she asked scornfully. 55 Reuben Larkmead 11 Frances, dear," interrupted Mrs. Lac- querre, " you do not know what a gudg eon is, and neither do I. Order us some tea." The young lady raised her eyebrows at her mother, smiled in a way which ex asperated me quite unaccountably, and responded coolly : " How delightfully of one mind we all are no one of us seems to know what a gudgeon is. But, mamma, in vulgar parlance, isn t it de scribed as a sucker? " " Don t be slangy, Frances," was all her mother said, and the young lady pre pared tea. For a young woman of such little worth in intellectual qualities she was much in my mind. Why I cannot tell. To be sure I found that her famed beauty, which I did not at first see, had grown upon me. But I sought in woman, as the poet wrote 56 The Penalty of Popularity Benignity and home bred sense, Eipening into perfect innocence, rather than A lovely apparition sent To be a moment s ornament. " Surely," I said, " this young woman is not, nor can she become, my ideal." I learned that she was proficient in many outdoor sports, and was very pop ular with young gentlemen of my age, who devoted but little of their time to mastering the intricacies of political prob lems ; engaging themselves, rather, in futile pastimes of an athletic nature. I was becoming convinced that in order to prepare myself to " see life steadily and see it whole " it would be advisable for me to interrupt my studies of national fiscal policies and, for a time, at least, de vote my energies to acquiring some knowledge of how my fellow man of my 57 Reuben Larkmead own social condition conducts his life. I was very thorough in my course in so ciology in college, but now, to my sur prise, I might as well have been a " pagan suckled in a creed outworn " as a modern American for all that I knew of many aspects of life surrounding me. Mrs. Lacquerre s cottage, at Boulder Crest, I found to be a twenty room man sion on a rocky point of land reaching out into a bay filled with islands. It is several miles from the railway station, and, with the exception of perhaps half a dozen other equally expensive cottages, there is no other habitation within sight. But all the cottages had week-end parties at the time of my visit, so that for an event in which all were interested a com pany of nearly a hundred ladies and gen tlemen assembled. I shall not now describe the various recreations on land golf, tennis and 58 The Penalty of Popularity squash in which the company indulged, for it is with the water my experiences chiefly relate. In a little cove, on the sheltered side of the point, as many as a dozen yachts were anchored, some belong ing to the hosts, some to the guests, and in addition there were numberless small craft of many odd shapes and designs, some for sailing, some for rowing. In, on, around, and I may say under and over, these yachts and various other craft, the life of the several house parties chiefly centred, and there was continual inter course between the yachts and the land ing ; sometimes by means of rowboats manned by uniformed sailors, and some times by little sailing craft, or by pretty motor boats, and again even by swim ming. A party of us were down at the bath house, when Miss Frances said to me : " Can you really swim ? You do not play golf, polo, tennis, squash, nor do 59 Reuben Larkmead you yacht. If you swim let me show you off." The remark rather surprised me, as it had not occurred to me that I lacked any of the accomplishments of the society in which my wealth and education placed me. Therefore I was pleased to think what a powerful swimmer I am. " Surely/ I replied, " I swim. Let us swim out to the yachts." Miss Frances looked at me as if doubtful of my sincer ity, so, to prove it, I dived off and struck out, and she promptly followed. We boarded one yacht by its landing steps, and a maid enveloped Frances in a warm bath robe. Nothing but yachting was talked of by the party assembled on the afterdeck, and I determined to secure a boat of some sort at once, in order not at all times to feel so wholly out of the run ning, as the saying is. That afternoon I quietly hurried over 60 The Penalty of Popularity to a fishing village not far up the coast, and there made known my wish to an ancient mariner I found on the wharf, looking out to sea with one eye and nar rowly regarding me with the other. When I signified my desire to purchase a sailboat he brought both eyes to bear on me, adjusted his trousers band with both hands, spat to the right, then to the left and at last slowly remarked : " Well, sir, some men be lucky. Ef you be looking fer a tried and true, reg lar, old style, Yankee sloop, as hez proved herself at everything from lobsters to lime, come with me." The craft he showed me seemed much in need of a bath, in spite of the fact that she was quite as wet inside as out, but my seafaring friend assured me that with new sails and a coat of paint she would be as handsome as a cup defender and probably as fast. I was impatient to become a 61 Reuben Larkmead private yacht owner, so I closed a bargain, and the ancient mariner offered to sail me back to Boulder Crest Cove. As to the boat s sailing qualities I have no knowledge, for I was so frantically busy pumping all the way I heeded noth ing except my rapidly blistering hands. But as we entered the cove I heard much comment shouted through megaphones by gentlemen on the anchored yachts, such as " Two to one she sinks before she beaches ! " " Hi ! there, Noah, are you going to sail that ark overland ? " This last remark was suggested by the fact that at that instant we grounded heavily on the beach. There was a shiver, a shake, a gentle sighing of old timbers, and my craft seemed to shrink and collapse. The mariner jumped over board and waded ashore, saying, " Never thought she d get here, but the price was wuth the risk." 62 The Penalty of Popularity All the guests from the cottages gath ered to inspect my purchase, which, hav ing been beached at high tide, we could, at low tide, walk around dry shod ; and there were many expressions of wonder that the skipper had managed to fetch her so far from her ancient resting-place. I felt some chagrin as I learned that my purchase had long been an object of curi ous interest as the oldest and craziest craft afloat, but before I revealed the object of its purchase I heard Frances say to me with a meaning accent : " It was so kind of you to risk your life to supply our beach with a wreck. It is very picturesque, and we have al ways wanted one, but no one before ever thought of this plan." I saw that she had said this to protect me from ridicule, to make a hero of me, and I attempted, perhaps with some feel ing, to thank her ; but she interrupted 63 Reuben Larkmead me by exclaiming : " Oh, greater fresh ness than yours has been salted by a clever woman ! " Then she ran away, leaving me to wonder what she could have meant. CHAPTER FOUR A WIDOW S ADVICE EFORE I had been half my al lotted time at Boulder Crest I formed the opinion that the polite world was given over hopelessly to futile pursuits, and that a young gentleman having a proper estimate of the value of time and effort should bestow the gift of his talents on a more deserv ing community. Therefore, scorning the vain triumphs to be gained on tennis court and golf links, I resolved to concern myself at once with those matters of civic activi ties for which I felt singularly well equipped, and wherein the triumphs are those a man of full mental stature may feel an honest pride. 65 Reuben Larkmead I shall not conceal that a selfish motive influenced my resolve : it had become evident to me that Miss Frances Lac- querre was obdurately insensible to my superior merits, though they should have been apparent to any one with opportu nity to gauge my capacities. It was of no importance to me, I argued, that she was unmindful of my wtfrth, for I be lieved that I could not be affected by her opinion ; yet, as a matter of pride, I felt that she should be forced to recognize at least the mental qualities which won for me the oratorical prize at the Saccharine Academy, Beetville. That her opinion of me remained what may be termed a negligible quantity either favorable or otherwise became apparent ; and, becoming so, surprised me ; and it was on that account I spoke of the matter to her mother in a wholly impersonal way. 66 " What s that kid been doing? " Page 67 A Widow s Advice " Madam/ I said to Mrs. Lacquerre, " has it ever occurred to you that your daughter lacks in intuitive faculty?" " What s that kid been doing now?" inquired Mrs. Lacquerre. I quote her precise language, although those unacquainted with the lady may be surprised to read such quaint forms of speech as coming from a leader in New York s most exalted social circle. " Miss Frances," I explained, " has proved her lack of keen mental percep tion through no act, but rather through an attitude." " Good Lord, Reuben ! " quoth Mrs. Lacquerre with much spirit, " talk Eng lish as she is spoke in little old New York. Has Frances given you the austere glance, or sentenced you to the forest? Out with it, lad ! " " Pardon me, madam," I exclaimed, amused by the strangeness of her figures 67 Reuben Larkmead of speech. " Frances has done nothing to me. What I discourse on is rather what she is than what she does. Why, for example, should a young lady of her high breeding fail to recognize among the young gentlemen about her those who plainly possess superior merit? Surely it would be more becoming in her to pay the tribute of recognition, at least, to un assuming worth rather than applaud the vacant victory of him who can drive a golf ball two hundred and twenty-five yards and putt it if my terminology is accurate, putt it fifteen yards. Of what avail is it that one man passes laborious days and studious nights grappling with problems of psychic import if he is, in the company of a Frances, to be ignored for a youth who has just won a tennis tournament, and whose vocabulary ex tends but slightly beyond the words sure and l stung ? " A Widow s Advice When I had finished speaking Mrs. Lacquerre laughed so heartily that I be came alarmed, and even then she only gasped, " Oh, Reuben, Reuben, if you must ask me the riddle of a woman s heart try to talk New Yorkese. Gee, your language counts me out ! " I was equally at a loss to interpret her merriment or her words, but she came to my assistance. " I suppose, Reuben," she resumed when she had become more composed, " you are quizzing Frances mamma to find out why you are not strong with Frances. Well, you are stronger with her than you deserve. I mean that she sees something in you that I ll be darned if I see. She thinks you ve a temper and a will of your own, which ought to make you arrive. To be honest with you, I can t see all that Frances does in you, though you have your uncle s chin, and Reuben Larkmead he s a pretty good party at that. But for goodness sake, Reuben, if all you want is adoration or what looks like it cast your eyes around at some of the other gals. Your millions are all they see in you, as a fact, but that s enough to make them goo-goo like a flock of adoring sheep. Now, of course, Frances being the only girl in the bunch who happens not to care for your money, she is the very one you want to care for you." " Pardon me again, madam," I replied with dignity, " you assume more than my utterances warrant. I did not make a personal application of the lack of a certain appreciative faculty in Frances." "Oh, all right," Mrs. Lacquerre re sponded merrily, " we ll make it imper sonal. Frances is like every other woman, in that she cares for men who do something. She is unlike the other girls down here at these house parties in 70 A Widow s Advice not caring for money. Well, there you are ; you, or the impersonal chap you re preaching about, have done nothing. The other boys here have. Athletics are the fashion, and they are up in G right there. I suppose if it were the fashion for gentlemen to go to war, or paint pic tures, or press wild flowers, or hammer wrought iron they d be doing the proper thing. Now, you and I can be on the level about Frances. I d like to have you marry her, because I know your peo ple and because your Uncle Si is mighty strong with me and because you ve money enough to take care of Frances without my having to beggar myself to do it. Now, that s what your Uncle Si would call a black sand talk, but it won t do you a bit of harm to hear it. If you want to win my kid you run away and do something. Did you ever hear your Uncle Silas tell the difference between 71 Reuben Larkmead hunters ? He says one kind bring back the stories and the others bring back the coonskins. Frances is mighty fond of coonskins. Comprenz-vous ? " I was as dazed as amazed when I left the lady. Dazed, for, of course, I could understand but a little of her jargon ; amazed, because what little I understood seemed to indicate that I belonged to the class of men who boast of their merit rather than prove it by action. I gradually became calmer, for I find it a simple matter to dismiss any mental irritation resulting from the discovery of a slighting opinion of me. And surely that is a precious temperamental posses sion : the capacity to preserve a judicial attitude while estimating our own rela tive worth. Without it the really great may suffer by accepting the false or en vious judgments of their fellow men ; while with it, envy, ignorant judgment, 72 A Widow s Advice even calumny have no power to wound those deserving the best of praise self- praise. I resolved to prove that the intellectual force I had accumulated could be directed into a current of active energy as palpa ble as that physical energy so futile, yet so much in vogue, in this foolish day and generation. Naturally I turned to politics. Having equipped myself to enter the arena wherein giants contest for supremacy in statesmanship it seemed expedient that I should utilize my strength not alone for the good of my beloved country, but to prove to the world that the capacity to use a niblick to negotiate a bad lie in a bunker is not the ultimate of consummate achievement. I had, on one of my evenings of lighter entertainment, met a singularly self-pos sessed young gentleman, who, I was in- 73 Reuben Larkmead formed, was of importance in local po litical circles. I sought this young gentleman, Mr. Con Hogan, and disclosed to him my resolve to enter politics, and informed him that I was aware of the necessity a beginner had for a practical manager. Mr. Hogan approved my de cision, but hesitated about accepting the management of my canvass. " My job," he remarked, " my special graft is preparing candidates for big of fice. I suppose you want to run for Alderman, for the Legislature or, at best, for the House of Representatives in Con gress. To the woods with them ! Now, if you were a top liner, a mug out for the real goods, a white-haired lad who had a hand and heart out for a United States Senatorship or the Vice-Presidency, why Con Hogan would bring you to the start ing line fit to run for a life. A young fellow like you, with your upper story 74 A Widow s Advice bulging with statesmanship and things, ought not to go to the Alderman s chair ; better the electric chair ! You re the kind what butts into the White House, you are. Say, a Senatorship first, then the Vice-Presidency, and having got your age and weight, to the White House for yours ! " I m sorry you insist upon remaining an Alderman ; that s only a starter. I d like to help you, but I won t take Presi dential timber and whittle it into a hitching-post. Don t ask me. Forget it!" He was so indignant that I hastened to assure him that I had no small aspira tions that even a Senatorship would not be worth working for except that it would probably lead to the White House in my case. I would put myself in his hands, leave the practical work to him, and my self undertake the congenial task of firing 75 Reuben Larkmead the popular heart and rousing the public enthusiasm. Mr. Hogan was delighted. He so as sured me. " I was afraid/ said he, " that you might be satisfied with noth ing more than the Governorship. But your looks give me hope. If you re ready to start at once we ll lay out a programme : Alderman, Assemblyman, State Senator, Representative, United States Senator, Vice-President, President. What New York City snug little old Manhattan has been yearning for is a statesman. Since my old friends Tilden and Conklin died we ve been short on statesmen. You re it. But the biggest things must have a small beginning. We ll begin with the Reuben Larkmead Social and Outing Club, with politics on the side. I ll have the club started to morrow. We ll have a banner-raising the next night, a dance the next week, a 76 A Widow s Advice barge picnic the week after, then a po litical night. After that the convention will have to give us what we ask or we ll knife the ticket. That s Con Hogan s way." My enthusiastic manager jumped up and was hurriedly departing, but stopped to say : " There ll be a trifle preliminary expense a thousand or so. Shall I ad vance it for you, or " I interrupted the generous fellow to hand him a check for a thousand, and he departed. I then went to work on my political speech, to be delivered to the Reuben Larkmead Social and Outing Club. When the columns of the press should ring with my utterances on the vital questions of the day, I said, one woman will admit that all glory does not halo the brow of him who excels only in the trifling tricks of the tennis court. 77 Reuben Larkmead Success should be mine, for it is the just wage of him who wills, not wishes. Success : the expressed and practical esteem of a preponderating number of our fellow creatures. Mine ! 78 CHAPTER FIVE CUPID AND POLITICS N a letter received at that time my good Uncle Silas asked again as to my relations with Aunt Sarah and Cousin Jo sephine, and reminded me that I had not mentioned them since I gave him some account of our coaching trip to the Country Club. The undeviating delicacy with which Uncle Silas had ever considered my feel ings in all respects was proof to me that he did not make this inquiry with a view to recalling my proposal for the hand of Mrs. Jack Lacquerre, which proceeded as a direct result of that coaching trip. Yet I am compelled to recall that 79 Reuben Larkmead incident in explaining why I have so infrequently enriched these memoirs with allusions to Aunt Sarah and Cousin Josephine. Soon after the inauspicious misreading of my heart which impelled me to offer it to Mrs. Lacquerre mistaking a lively personal interest in that lady for a tenderer sentiment it became evident to me that Aunt Sarah had been made aware of the incident. Something, which for lack of a better name we call intui tion, told me that Mrs. Lacquerre had not informed Aunt Sarah of my declara tion. It may be that Mrs. Lacquerre s serving maid (whom I nearly overturned behind the portieres when I abruptly left the room) was Aunt Sarah s in formant. I knew that such maids earn gratuities of slightly used gloves, parasols and other utilities of feminine attire, by repeating the particulars of any scene of 80 Cupid and Politics a sentimental or roguish nature of which they have independent though sur reptitious knowledge. However, Aunt Sarah knew of my proposal, and professed to be deeply in censed, declaring that she had been made ridiculous by having a nephew of hers follow the example of every fool boy in New York, who, she declared, had the habit of proposing marriage to Mrs. Jack Lacquerre. " With your serious, intellectual train ing," remarked Aunt Sarah to me with painful severity of mien, " I felt safe in the belief that you would not be trapped by Mrs. Jack s flinty beauty and slangy wit ! " " Dear Aunt Sarah," I responded, " your reproof may be deserved, but it is based upon false premises ; I was not trapped but repulsed by Mrs. Lacquerre. I now hold towards her a relationship 81 Reuben Larkmead marked by amiability and confidence, not so much as tinged by sentiment. Mrs. Lacquerre s refusal of me was singularly decisive, but she generously suggested the continuance of our ac quaintance for the purpose, as she quaintly phrased it, of saving me. " This explanation, so far from allaying Aunt Sarah s ruffled temper, seemed but to arouse it to more perplexing feminine flights. " Save you ! " she sneered I had al most written " snorted," but we should practise restraint in describing woman s manifestations of humors. " A man with your income needs no saving. Young men without incomes may need saving and usually do, but worldly salvation is one of the blessings attached to an in come like yours. What that woman wants is to train you up for that black faced slip of a prig, Frances, her daughter." 82 Cupid and Politics " Dear aunt," I cried in confusion, " Mrs. Lacquerre is as little likely to want me for Frances as I am to want Frances or Frances want me." This earnest assertion much mollified aunt, and she continued in more amicable accents : " Well, Reuben, I was shocked at hear ing of your silly infatuation for Mrs. Jack, but if it has all passed, and you are certain that you have no tendre for Frances, little harm is done. I have no patience with that girl Frances ! She assumes a manner. Nothing is such bad manners as a manner. She goes about with that beak of a nose of hers tilted at the world as if she found most of it not good enough for her and didn t happen to like the rest. She has refused half a dozen good offers for the delirious reason that the men who proposed had done nothing ! A man who has a good in- 83 Reuben Larkmead come, by that fact alone, has done every thing on earth any sane woman can ask of any man. " Now, my daughter I refer to your dear Cousin Josephine has no such silly oddities. She would ask nothing of a man with an income. She is sane and safe. She is a girl who will make a lovely wife for some man. Even the biggest fool living could get along with Josephine. Here the dear child comes now. Drive in the park with her, Reu ben, and then come back for tea. I d go with you, were it not that it gives me a headache to drive in the park in summer - trying to avert my eyes from men I know who are driving with women I don t know. But you and Josephine will get along together nicely." That is a fair report of several conver sations I had with Aunt Sarah. I am not a vain man, in spite of what 84 Cupid and Politics warrant I may have for vanity. I am, I hope, a man of natural gallantry, there fore I refrain from hinting at a suspicion aroused in me at that time that Aunt Sarah had designs which would have made me her son-in-law as well as her nephew. If I permitted myself so to hint it would explain why these memoirs have lacked allusions to Aunt Sarah. In short, I went to her house only for such period ical and formal calls as my duty pre scribed. Mrs. Lacquerre, in relation to her daughter, was quite unlike Aunt Sarah. She had, as I have faithfully recorded, said, with the frankness so characteristic of her, that she would like me for a son- in-law. But her later comments on the subject deprived her views of any shade of compliment. There was nothing per sonal to me in her preference ; it related wholly to my bank account. When I 85 Reuben Larkmead called to ask her to the ceremonies of the Reuben Larkmead Social and Outing Club banner-raising, she said to me : " This political pother of yours may make you strong with Frances. She s a queer proposition, that gal of mine is, and I hope the Lord will temper the wind to the lamb she corrals. Don t look shocked, Reuben. All I want is that she ll marry rich so that I won t have to support her. I m a poor woman. Every one knows exactly what poor Jack left me, and it s too shy of fifty thou a year to please Mrs. Jack Lacquerre if any one should ask you who ought to know. So Frances must marry an in come. That s about all I want in a son- in-law, except that he s lived out his foot- light fancies and never calls me mother. " You d do, of course, but I m not booming Frances to you. She s cranky. She refused a hundred thousand a year 86 Cupid and Politics last month because the man attached to the income hadn t views on imperialism. Poor devil, he didn t know what the girl meant when she asked him. Gee ! what s imperialism when a man with a hundred thou a year is asking you to go to St. Thomas with him ? " By the way, Reuben, what the deuce is imperialism ? " Mrs. Lacquerre asked the concluding question with a swift change to almost childish simplicity which convinced me that, strange as it seems, she was unin formed on the most vital political prob lem we have to meet. I gladly elucidated the policies involved in the government of our insular possessions, and informed her that she would be much improved by my remarks on the subject at the ban ner-raising. She was greatly provoked to find that the date conflicted with an important social engagement she could 87 Reuben Larkmead not evade, but assured me that Frances would go if I had a petticoat in my party to chaperon her. I had asked Aunt Sarah and Cousin Josephine to be my guests on banner- raising night, so I inquired, somewhat doubtfully, if Aunt Sarah would answer as chaperon for Frances. Mrs. Lacquerre replied with much glee that the plan was admirable. " Your Aunt Sally hates Frances and Frances hates your aunt, so they ll do beautifully as chaperon and maid," she said. The banner-raising was that evening, and I returned to my hotel to once more go over my speech, which, as I have inti mated, was to deal with the questions of imperialism and of our foreign policy as it should be directed in regard to the ultimate adjustment of the Far East problem. 88 Cupid and Politics I drove with my party Aunt Sarah, Josephine and Frances to the hall for the banner-raising, and was much grati fied to be received by a vast number of enthusiastic citizens, led by my manager, Mr. Hogan, all of whom received me with hilarious shouts, inquiring, " What s the matter with Reuben Larkmead?" and the response, " He s all right ! " I could not but observe, as we alighted from our carriage, in the glare of many electric lights, that while Frances seemed elated and " lit up," as the saying is, by the crowd and the shouts, both aunt and Josephine were nervous and even alarmed. They repeatedly asked if it would be safe for them to go into the hall filled with such common people as were there gathered to greet us, but Frances assured them that so far as she was concerned she was delighted for once to be close to the common people, and 89 Reuben Larkmead only wished that she was going to have a chance to talk to them. Mr. Hogan and a young female he in troduced as " My steady " a foreign name, I assumed escorted us to the hall and seated us on the stage, where there were a number of young ladies of the same nationality, presumably, as Miss My- steady. The hall rapidly filled until there was no more room for spectators, and then Mr. Hogan introduced me in terms my modesty forbids me to repeat, and instantly there were loud demands for " Speech ! " I was prepared and at once began my oration. For a little time the crowd was silent, but soon there were interruptions, which I could not but feel intimated an impatience with my subject. This sur prised me, for I had been informed that my audience included men who made their living by politics, and my speech 90 Cupid and Politics dealt only with topics which every politi cian should be eager to hear discussed. I overheard through all the tumult fre quent expressions of fear from Aunt and Josephine, but Frances was silent, and once when I glanced at her I saw that her cheeks and eyes burned with indig nant reproof of the interruptions. These became more unmannerly, and at last there were churlish demands for " Leave to print," " Sing it to us " and other irrelevant cries. I was ever slow to wrath. I felt that my hearers needed just the instruction I was giving to them and I determined to continue if possible. Soon it was impos sible. There were cries for me to return to the woods, though there are no woods near Beetville ; suggestions that my hair was powdered with hayseed and other comments which at last merged into laughter and jeers of such volume and 91 Reuben Larkmead strength that I could not even hear my self. Still, I should have persisted had not a sudden and dramatic silence dis tracted me, and, turning to follow the surprised glances of the audience, I saw Frances rise from her seat and approach the front of the platform with hand uplifted and eyes blazing. Out of the silence, which was now as striking as the tumult had been, her voice rose clear and determined as she exclaimed : " I am the daughter of the late Jack Lacquerre, who was a leader here when you dogs had a gentleman for leader. Do you remember him? Did he ever fear you ? " I was as dumbfounded as the other hearers, for there was absolutely no re sponse other than the breath of low, excited questionings. " You know me," she continued. " You recognize a lady. Why do you not Cupid and Politics recognize a gentleman when you are so fortunate as to see one. You are igno rant, yet when this gentleman comes to instruct you you act like cowardly beasts. I wish I were a man ! " At this point there were interruptions, and to my surprise all of a nature which showed that Frances, instead of offending the men by her words, had pleased them mightily. " Go it, lady ! " they cried. " You are the real thing. What s the matter with Jack Lacquerre s girl? She s all right. You write Reuben s speeches and we ll listen ! " I was quite overwhelmed with conflict ing emotions. There I was, protected, in effect, by a slender girl, unable to control a mob she quelled with ease. I felt my throat swell, so that for an instant, though I tried, I could not speak. My slow wrath was rising, and I began to see 93 Reuben Larkmead red, as they say of those insane with rage. I wanted some object to vent my anger upon and it was given to me. While nearly every man in the hall was cheering and encouraging Frances, a little group near the stage showed that the beer they had imbibed had made them sullen instead of joyous. One of this group shouted at Frances, " We don t want no swell rag like you to come here and lecture us. To Newport with the other monkeys for yours ! " Then I lost control of myself. I jumped from the stage and had that ruffian s throat in my hands almost be fore I landed on my feet. A man of my temperament needs much shock of op position before he is physically aroused. I was struck in the face by one of the man s companions, and then for the first time in my life I exerted all my strength. I struck out madly and soon had a 94 That ruffian s throat in my hands Page 94 Cupid and Politics cleared space about me, and at my feet lay my assailants. Others came in to assail me, but ahead of them was Hogan, with some com panions, and they fought for me. There was a few minutes uproar, and then Hogan announced that I would continue my remarks unless there were any more gentlemen who needed attention. Al though I was conscious that I had acted most unwisely, to my surprise I was now frantically cheered and encouraged to go on. However, I abandoned my prepared effort, and in my passion I talked fiercely about the rights of free speech, and was soon as enthusiastically cheered as I had been jeered. At the conclusion of my remarks I looked about for my party, and found them gone. Hogan explained that aunt and cousin hysterically demanded to be taken away, and he had escorted them Reuben Larkmead to my carriage, with Miss Lacquerre, the latter protesting that she wanted to see the finish, and going reluctantly. I supposed that I had made an utter and dismal failure of my entrance into politics, but to my surprise I was visited the next day by a committee consisting of Hogan and the men I had thrashed, and they assured me that I had made a genuine hit, and could get the support of every man in the district for any thing I wanted. Hogan as good as con fessed that he had started in to con fidence me out of what money he could, but had come really to see a future for me. " Ah, then," said I, " my remarks on imperialism made an effect, after all." "No, boss," replied Hogan. "What makes you strong with my gang is that the man you first choked last night this gent with his throat tied up has 96 Cupid and Politics been the champion and unlicked middle weight of the district." " That s right, boss/ hoarsely whis pered the man with his throat tied up. It was comprehensible enough that I had made a good effect upon such men by a display of physical courage and strength, but how was I to judge of the world, when, that very hour, I received this astonishing note : " DEAR MR. LARKMEAD : That really was a very stupid speech you tried to make last night, but the way you thrashed those ruffians was quite too beautiful. Mamma is dying to hear all about it, so you may come to tea at five. " Sincerely, " FRANCES LACQUERRE." I was nearly forced to admit that worldly wisdom is not so much to be learned from men who write books on life, as from men and women who live life. 97 CHAPTER SIX THE MYSTERY OF INCOMES T about this period I received an intimation from Uncle Silas that I had been draw ing with inconsiderate pro digality on my bank account. As my uncle he kindly ad vised me not to stint my self in those forms of modish enter tainment to which I, as a young gen tleman of wealth and family, should accustom myself ; while as my banker he offered to my consideration the indubi table truth that a bank balance even be yond the fancy of fiction was capable of exhaustion. I confided the tenor of his observations to Mrs. Lacquerre, who inspired me with 98 The Mystery of Incomes that kind of confidence which led me to seek her advice and sympathetic under standing in my worldly affairs. After hearing what Uncle Silas said about in comes she remarked that in the case of mine there seemed no safety but in mar riage. " But, Lord save us ! " she added, with that whimsical emphasis to which I found it difficult to accustom myself in a woman of her station. " But, Lord save us, Reu ben, I m not so cinchy sure that the remedy I suggest isn t worse than the disease ! There are worse things in life than being broke, and being married to the wrong gal is one of them. Some men find it more expensive to support a fam ily than to live en garcon, but you are not one of those men. It would be an economy for you to marry. You are now the victim of every confidence man who has the wit or luck to keep in the fringe 99 Reuben Larkmead of society, and my, my, what a lot of them there are ! " I smiled indulgently at her delusion that I could again be the dupe of a rogue, and begged her to proceed with her re marks until I should see the logic if there were any of her contention that a man could live married on less than he needed to remain single. "Oh," replied she merrily, " if we are to hold fast to logic I insist that my premises be not perverted. I did not say that a man could live married on less than he needed as a bachelor, but on less than he sometimes spends as a bachelor. You do not need half, not a quarter, of what you spend. The balance a clever wife would save for you to spend on herself. Many a woman lives well in our society on what she saves from the in come of a man who, before she married him, was always in debt with the same 100 The Mystery of Incomes income. A clever wife would save you from being buncoed ; would see that you were properly dressed I note that you are improving in that respect would discourage you from playing faro, the races, stocks or any other sure-thing game, and would give you a home where the cooking and service would equal your club s." " Then, madam," I said, grasping at the moral of her preachment, " you ad vise me to get married." " No, I ll be hanged if I do, Reuben," she replied. " I only say that if you can t, unaided, keep out of the clutches of chevaliers d industrie you should marry a woman who will shoo them away from you. You ve a corking big in come, which is now largely going to the support of gentlemen who live by their wits." I could only laugh at this frankness, 101 Reuben Larkmead for from her it was an amusement. And, of course, I could but smile at her impli cation that I could ever be caught by the devices of another chevalier d industrie. I told her that to avoid even the contact of such persons I intended to move into an apartment and set up a modest estab lishment of my own. She inquired if I had yet selected an apartment, and when I assured her that I was still undecided, she frankly told me that I would do well to leave the matter to her, and probably thereby save myself trouble. This was rather more patronage than I was prepared to endure, so I informed her that I felt competent to rent a home for myself, and departed to go about that very business. Alas ! As I have intimated, many men had sought my acquaintance at the hotel rather too many. It was a matter of pride, to be sure, that I, a stranger, should 102 The Mystery of Incomes be sought so extensively. Also it is a fact to which I feel at liberty to advert that seldom had I met men in the lobbies of my hotel who failed to express a pleasant appreciation of my merits. But an un fortunate characteristic about nearly every man and woman who called on me at that time was that he or she suffered from temporary financial embarrassment. And while the demand for money increased alarmingly, the return of loans remained non inventus. In looking through a list of apartments proffered in reply to an advertisement I found one peculiarly suited to my wants ; the more so as the furniture of the apart ment was offered for sale. A man who introduced himself as Mr. Van Alpine, called on me, in response to my request, and explained the circumstances which forced him to dispose of the furnishings of his apartment, as well as to offer the 103 Reuben Larkmead favorable lease he held. It was simply that his business compelled him, unex pectedly, to reside in Boston, and he re marked that " a moving is as bad as a fire," so he had decided to sell. I went to his apartment with him and found that he had in no degree exagger ated the extent and elegance of the fur nishing and decorations. I had seen enough of undoubted elegance at the homes Aunt Sarah s and Mrs. Lacquerre s kindness opened to me, to know that here was a collection of great merit and richness. When we had examined the rooms and their belongings the gentleman offered me refreshments, stating that he had dis missed his servants, being on the very eve of departure, so he would have to serve me after his own fashion. It was a pretty fashion, though, for he soon had a table spread with delectable sandwiches, choice 104 The Mystery of Incomes fruit and a bottle of vintage champagne ; placing these before me in a manner so deft and neat that it added to my appe tite. When we had partaken of the repast I asked my host at what he valued the furnishings as they stood. He replied with a slightly wry face that he had no trouble in giving me exact figures of the cost, as he had but lately paid the bills. They amounted, in fact, to a little more than $10,000. " But, Mr. Larkmead," he added, " I am a man who takes his medi cine, as the saying is, and I know that a forced sale makes a pretty purchase. Say $5,000 cash and I ll pocket the loss and sign the bill over another bottle." I thought myself too sharp to bite at this attractive bait, and replied : " Say $2,500 and the check is yours." He smiled politely as he responded : "I am obliged to you for looking over 105 Reuben Larkmead my belongings, but if that is all you will pay for them the interview need not be prolonged." " Good-day, Mr. Van Alpine," I said, rising to depart, but he motioned me to be seated, and remained for some minutes in seeming deep conjecture. Then he said impulsively : " Sir, I am no sales man, and cannot haggle for a bargain. My immediate concern is to have this business at an end. Therefore, sir, the goods are yours for the check." I wrote the check with a trembling hand, fearing a change of mind on his part, but he accepted it as if glad that the business were off his mind. We left the house together, he to close his affairs down town, he said, I to order my trunks packed. ***** Alas ! the schemes of the wicked are devious and deep. My pride received a 106 The Mystery of Incomes hurt which even now I confess with mor tification. But confess I must, and, as I do all things, in an orderly manner. Having seen to the packing of my be longings at the hotel, and taking a little satchel containing my jewelry and trin kets in my hand, I proceeded to my new apartment. I entered by the key the man had given to me, and making a more leisurely survey of the premises, found a number of art treasures which delighted me by their richness. I found, too, that a set of oak book shelves were wisely stored, and taking a favorite volume of history, I seated myself to pass the time profitably pending the arrival of my trunks. My excitement over my favoring for tune and the exciting nature of the chap ter I was reading, " Angels Traces in Aryan Sources," combined to produce a thirst which reminded me of the conve- 107 Reuben Larkmead nient wine closet, and soon I was seated before a blazing gas log, a bottle open by my side, smoking an excellent cigar and delightfully absorbed in my engaging chapter. Thus disposed, I was surprised suddenly to find a stranger standing near me, and was pained to note that he was in imminent danger of a stroke of ap oplexy. " Sir," I said, " although you have en tered my apartment uninvited, your dis tress appeals acutely to my sympathy. I beg of you to be seated until you have averted by rest a shock which seems likely to end your life unless precautions are taken." The intruder, an elderly gentleman, had the appearance of having just left a train, was stout, well dressed, a familiar type, in short, of a prosperous New Yorker of leisure. In response to my polite speech he tried to speak, but only 108 " I beg you to be calm." Page 109 The Mystery of Incomes sputtered, or at best emitted inarticulate gurgles. " Be seated," I urged. " Be seated and partake of a glass of this ex cellent wine." By a supreme effort he succeeded in exclaiming, " Who the devil are you and what the devil are you doing in my apartment?" Deciding that he was some mildly in sane person I said reassuringly, " I beg of you to be calm and tell me where you live, that I may send for your friends." The gentleman rang an electric bell and then sank into a chair. To a uni formed attendant, who quickly responded to the bell, he said, " Now, who in thun der is this person and how in thunder did he get in here? " " He s the clock mender, sir. Your valet brought him here and said that he was to return with his tools and mend some clocks. So when he returned with 109 Reuben Larkmead his satchel of tools we supposed it was all right." " My valet, Barker ! " exclaimed the gentleman, and then went into gales of laughter, from which unseemly mirth I feared he would not emerge alive. But he quieted enough to say, as he wiped his eyes, " Oh, Barker I Oh, my Lord ! Oh, that precious rascal ! Oh, Barker, the villain ! Has he done you, my good man ? Tell me the story." Not relishing being called " my good man," I replied with dignity, and briefly told how I came into possession of the rooms. I will not prolong the painful tale of truths as they slowly evolved during the next few hours while we were in commu nication with the superintendent of the house and the police. Briefly let me ex plain : The gentleman was the real Mr. Van Alpine, and the unwhipped rascal 110 The Mystery of Incomes from whom I supposed I was buying the furniture was a discharged valet named Barker. Mr. Van Alpine had been warned by the police of Barker s char acter only a few hours before he (Mr. Van Alpine) had left town, and, unfor tunately, had overlooked telling the superintendent of the apartment house about the dishonest valet. Therefore Barker had been at liberty to come and go as if he were still employed by Mr. Van Alpine. He had taken me there under the pretense that I was a clock mender, and when we left the house had quietly spoken to the superintendent, saying that I would return with a kit of tools and repair the clocks. I had chanced to mention to the conscienceless villain my plan of returning with a hand bag of my jewelry, and he had quickly taken advantage of the information to provide against my being refused admit- Ill Reuben Larkmead tance. The police informed me that Barker was a quick moving fellow, and so we learned when the bank reported that the check had been cashed within an hour of my drawing it. When the real Mr. Van Alpine heard my name he asked me if I chanced to be related to Si Larkmead, and when I in formed him that Silas Larkmead was my uncle he looked at me in astonishment, and murmured over and over, " A nephew of sly old Si, and such an easy mark ! " I did not know what he meant, but re port his words as the concluding truth of the incident. I told Mrs. Lacquerre of my experi ence, and she insisted that she would personally instal me in an apartment and supply me with a valet who would prevent me from being kidnapped. She seemed to consider the advantage a little joke. 112 The Mystery of Incomes Surely it is no joke that the devil can so well counterfeit the livery of heaven for the confounding of the innocent : were it not better in the scheme of things that the unrighteous, rather than those who shun the ways of the wicked, should find such pitfalls in their paths ? 113 CHAPTER SEVEN A WORLDLING ON SOCIETY [HE change in my estate soon became so notable that I had a sense of being another per son than the Reuben Lark- mead who came to New York from Beetville to finish his education in the School of Man. I had seen several finishes, as the saying is, but my education still pro gressed. When I first came here I supposed that to a man of my superior intelligence the doors of New York s literary and artistic sets would fly open in welcome ; I was convinced that the advent of a scholar and a gentleman would be heralded as an event of importance ; I imagined that the 114 A Worldling on Society income I enjoyed would be sufficient of itself if no other attribute did so to at tract the attention of financiers ; that to one so well equipped with profound views on matters of national policies, statesmen would extend the calm hands of fellow ship. Not so ! As I was quick to perceive conditions and sensitive to environment, I con cluded, after but a few months of neglect, that I must not wait in modest retire ment for a call to make my merits known ; but, as a quaint saying in vogue here expresses it, " butt in " wherever I wished to enter. I found it repellent to my sense of duty to adopt Mrs. Lac- querre s advice to let the world wag as it would, undeflected by effort of mine to wag it as I would. She counseled me that men of wealth and social position had found it futile to attempt to take the conduct of public affairs out of the hands 115 Reuben Larkmead of men of no wealth and no social posi tion. She expressed herself on the sub ject in those vague generalities common to her sex, as when she said : " The people have determined that be fore a man shall be trusted with the di rection of public affairs he shall have proved himself incapable of conducting any other affairs successfully ; shall not have obtained a competence nor social distinction : such attainments being evi dence of unfitness to guide the affairs of those who have failed to attain either. " Dear old Jack," the lady continued, speaking of the late Mr. Lacquerre, " while he was well housebroke, and did not interfere with my way of running our domestic affairs, had a fussy notion that a man of leisure and education should devote some of his means and brains to the conduct of public affairs. What did he get oat of it? A diamond 116 A Worldling on Society studded match-box, for which he had to pay in the end, as well as the bill for the dinner at which it was presented by his adoring district club which denied him a nomination to Congress on the ground that his income and social popularity made him obnoxious to the voters. " It served the dear old chap right for mixing up outside of his class. Bah ! Take a worldling s advice, Reuben, and believe that no man or woman was ever really comfortable in a position won by butting in. Not that you can t get any thing you pine for, from the Presidency to an invitation to occupy an opera box on a repeat night by hard, consistent butting. But when you ve got it, and know that you got it by butting, that knowledge must destroy any feeling of triumph. When one knows that he is de trop, and yet can enjoy the situation, one is a pig. Keep to your own class, to your 117 Reuben Larkmead own set in your own class, and, as much as possible, to your own gang in your own set. Then there will be no more ham mers out for you than are needed for your proper guidance. " You are started right at last, in your own apartment, with your own servants ; and the thing for you to do is to pace along soberly until you have snuggled into a set. Then make your own gang, and at last you will begin to have inter ests in common with others ; common duties, recreations, follies and virtues with a few men and women. That, my boy, is what constitutes society as society is spoken of among us. " A woman, let us say, comes to New York and is introduced in the Brown- Smith-Jones set, and straightway thinks she is in the Brown-Smith-Jones society. She probably met them, as a matter of fact, because Brown or Smith or Jones 118 A Worldling on Society wanted to pull her husband s leg. When the leg is pulled nothing more doing, Reuben ! The Brown-Smith-Joneses have common interests grown up out of a life time of intimate association. What the deuce do they want with Mrs. Lady- whose - husband s - leg - has - been - pulled ? Nothing ! Nevertheless, the lady s local home paper prints with pride that she is in the Brown-Smith-Jones set in New York. But she knows she isn t. My, my, honey, how hard she knows she isn t ! " After my experience with that rascal valet, Barker, the matter of engaging an apartment for me was undertaken by Mrs. Lacquerre, to my great relief of mind. She also obtained a valet for me, but when I urged her to order the fur nishing for my apartment she declined. " Let your Aunt Sally do that," she said. " Dear Sally is having frequent 119 Reuben Larkmead fits over our chumship yours and mine in fear that I ll capture you for my gal, Frances. It would look rather mother- in-lawy for me to spend any money for you, so let dear Sally shop for you. Sally s a fool in many ways, and she s saying unlovely things about me because you don t marry your Cousin Josephine, but she has mighty good taste about house furnishing, and will not spend so much money for you as I would. The delirious delight of emptying another purse than my own would be too much for me." So Aunt Sarah furnished the apart ment, and with perfect taste, no doubt ; but if she is an economical shopper I am fortunate to have escaped the machina tions of an expensive one. My valet s name is Martin. I speak of him in the present tense because he is still with me and I hope will be, always. 120 A Worldling on Society He is the most peculiar man I ever encountered, chiefly so because there is nothing peculiar about him. He has ab solutely no mental, temperamental, phys ical or metaphysical characteristic. He is neither tall nor short, thick nor thin, grave nor gay, mild nor peppery, quick nor slow. He fascinates me, although for a time his colorlessness made me all but unconscious of his being. We can, by study and judicial weigh ing, understand the mental abnormality of holders of the most radical views ; we know what physical deviation from the normal accounts for the most grotesque deformity ; a man may eat glass, walk on coals, beat his wife, delight in poetry, prefer lemon to milk in his tea, denounce wealth, commit murder, write book re views, deny the truths of higher criticism, become a professional gymnast, though he may have but one leg ; believe in for- 121 Reuben Larkmead tune-tellers or even assert that the beet sugar industry requires no protecting tariff yet by patient search all these de viations from the normal human mind or body may be accounted for. But the normal animal man ! Has the reader ever seen one in whom some singularity does not confuse a conception of him as a man, distract attention from the fact that the singularity was given to him to conceal the awful fact that he is a man ? My man Martin is a normal man, and I am convinced that he is the only one in existence. If he is not a unique, his replica would have astonished a record ing world. I exert my ingenuity to sur prise from him evidence that he has likes or dislikes, chills or fever, insomnia or drowsiness, courage or cowardice, ambi tion or contentment, hope or despair. To no purpose. One must have seen him a dozen days to be certain to recog- 122 1 I know your uncle s wants." Page 123 A Worldling on Society nize him on the thirteenth, yet thereafter he is the one man in the world impossible to forget. I had decided thus about him when I chanced to mention that I had hopes of a visit from my Uncle Silas, and asked him if he could make my uncle comfort able in my apartment. " I know your uncle s wants well, sir," replied Martin, " for I ve taken care of him when he visited Mr. Lacquerre." Now the fellow had never said he knew my uncle, although I had often mentioned him. " Then you may have heard my uncle speak of me ? " I asked with a strange feeling. " Yes, sir," replied Martin. " I heard him discuss this visit of yours with Mrs. Lacquerre. I was her butler then. Your uncle asked me if I could accept a place as your man when you were ready to have one." 123 Reuben Larkmead 11 Oh, indeed ! " I exclaimed, and I am conscious that I suddenly looked at him as if I had discovered a pool in which I could drop a pebble without making circles. In my mail one morning was a letter which interested me much. It was from a stranger who pleasantly told me he had chanced to see a small man take up arms, so to say, against a bully who was con demning my speech before the Reuben Larkmead Club. It seems that the events of that evening were the subject of lively controversy in the district, and my parti san, in the instance related by my cor respondent, retorted with his fist when my traducer grew violent in denouncing me. My knightly friend was in a fair way to be roughly handled, but my cor respondent saved the plucky little fellow from further punishment. " I learned that the little chap was 124 A Worldling on Society out of work and had been ill," wrote my correspondent, " so I took the liberty of rewarding him for standing up for you against such physical odds. He really is in need of more help than I could afford to give him, but I told him that if he would swallow his pride and let you help him you would consider that he had done you a further favor thereby. He was loath to apply to you for aid, but may do so, as his necessities are great. By the way, his name is Oscar Smith." I could not but be greatly moved at reading this letter, for it was by such evidence that I kept faith in my heart that all New York was not a selfish seek ing crew, eager to impose on good nature and credulity. Here was a poor fellow in want and ill who, without hope of reward, took my part to the point of physical assertion. As chance gave me knowledge of his loyal nature, I rejoiced 125 Reuben Larkmead at the opportunity to make proper ac knowledgment. I told Martin that if Mr. Oscar Smith called in my absence he was to be detained until my return. When I returned to dress for dinner I heard voices in the dining-room, which aroused suspicion that Martin was enter taining callers there. As I was about to make investigation my purpose was di verted by hearing my name used freely by Martin and another speaker. Martin said in his usual placid tone, " No, Mr. Oscar Smith, you can t pluck Mr. Larkmead while I m with him. I guess if you knew that I was here you wouldn t try that old trick of pretending to be a poor sick devil who had struck a bully in defense of Mr. Larkmead. That s an old time begging-letter trick." The caller made answer quite merrily : Well, Martin, it was a long shot to try on anybody, but I d heard that Mr. Lark- 126 A Worldling on Society mead was an easy mark, so I didn t waste any new tricks on him at the start. Of course, if I d known you were here I d have tried the best trick in my box, for there s little in the way of my graft that you didn t learn to block when you were with Mr. Lacquerre." " True," rejoined Martin, in a tone he might have used in discussing pictures, potatoes or parties, " Mr. Larkmead has it in him to be a sharp one, but, while he s learning his way around, you and your crew of bunco men will save a lot of post age in cutting him off your list, for I m on guard here. Now you may get out, for I m expecting Mr. Larkmead home presently." " So-long, Martin," replied the other, seemingly undistressed by Martin s plain language. " I m glad to see you in such a good place. If I think of a new kind of begging-letter I ll try it on you, for if it 127 Reuben Larkmead passes you it will be good for fair. So- long, Martin." I was dazed at the condition revealed by this fortunately overheard conversa tion, and expected a long explanation when I asked Martin if any one had called that afternoon. " Only Mr. Oscar Smith, sir/ 7 answered Martin. " I told you to keep him if he should call." " There was no use, sir. I gave him what he needed." "Money?" " No, sir ; advice. I ve known him a long time, and know that all he needs is good advice." Martin said no more about turning the professional begging-letter writer away, and seemed to include the whole strange matter in the way of his regular duties. It may be that I had been over-credu- 128 A Worldling on Society lous in dealing with those who sought me without introductions. I frankly admit ted to myself that I had erred in not fully investigating the claims on my purse but few of which I have told of in these memoirs and rejoiced that in Martin I was to have protection from the assaults of the grand army of grafters who forage freely on the unsuspecting stranger in New York. But I was become the object of another kind of assault from which even the astute Martin could not save me, and of which I find it painful to speak. Yet I must not flinch from a duty : I refer to the pursuit of me by mothers of eligible daughters. I have been frank with my readers to no purpose if it is not apparent that I refer to this delicate subject only because a sense of duty compels me to tell enough of my experiences in this respect to fur- 129 Reuben Larkmead nish a warning, or a study. I am sensible that I was no more sought than any other man of my known wealth would have been ; that had I been a person of no in tellect and without any pretension to physical excellence, the quest for me for my fortune would have been as fierce. In brief, let the reader under stand that so far from any boastfulness in this part of my narrative it is set down with reluctance and embarrassment. The mothers I speak of are not of the class of Miss Babe Franklyn s mother, for if they were the whole subject could be dismissed with no more feeling than Martin displayed in dismissing the beg ging-letter writer. It was a different class of mothers who were then swim ming within my ken in such numbers, and with such grimness of purpose, that I was almost as much alarmed as em barrassed. 130 A Worldling on Society I have devoted so much space to tell ing of the change in the manner of my living that I must employ another chap ter for some account of what it was like to be the object of a lively contest in the marriage market. 131 CHAPTER EIGHT THE MARRIAGE MARKET ALTHOUGH the social season was not yet fully under way, because so many people neces sarily included in all great or formal society affairs were still at their country places and, indeed, remained there, many of them, until after the Christmas holidays despite this, there was no little social activity. This was of the small and informal kind which may precede the return to town of all those entitled to society prominence ; yet to me it bore the likeness to continual and elaborate gayety. Even that early in my career I was required to make choice of more than one social event every day, not yet 132 The Marriage Market having advanced to the dexterity in such affairs which enables one to meet a number of engagements the hours of which coincide or at least are partially synchronous. I was not yet sufficiently versed in the personnel of the society register to check off those belonging to it who were yet out of town, but I had reason to believe that few having marriageable daughters were absentees. I made this comment to Mrs. Lacquerre, and she rejoined that I was getting on to the game meaning that I was beginning to display acuteness of observation. " It is a fact, Reuben," she added, " that mothers of marriageable gals have no liberty, no independence, no op portunity for the exercise of their own preferences in their going and coming. They must, or think they must, dispose of their time so as to miss no chance to 133 Reuben Larkmead get their gals well married. It is not all for the sake of the gals, but partly for the sake of the mothers, that the campaign is pursued so sleeplessly. " A woman whose gals are well married begins for the first time in her own married life to have a good time of her own. Then she goes abroad to see what entertains her, not to be seen where the gals may entertain ; then she may begin to read oh, indeedy, I know of mothers who have never opened a book from the time they were graduated to the time they paid for their daughters wedding breakfasts ; then she may stop at her country place after the week-end parties are all over and the house belongs to the owners again, instead of chasing back to town to get Mary Jane into the marriage market before the bargain rush has dis posed of everything but the remnants and misfits." 134 The Marriage Market I was aware that Mrs. Lacquerre warmed her speech with some degree of tropical hyperbole, yet I gave some meas ure of credence to the remarks here quoted, owing to my personal knowledge of the surprising industry displayed by those seeking bargains in the marriage market. Some of my own experiences were a shock to my modesty. It appeared that Aunt Sarah reported my income at a sum very largely below the actual figures, so for a time I was not known to be a desirable parti in a worldly sense. Mrs. Lacquerre said that Aunt Sarah sent out " bear tips " on me to " head off competition." She also re marked : " Your Aunt Sally knew that I knew how much you are worth, but she hoped to conceal it from the market generally, and thus narrow the fight for you to her and me, for her Josephine and my 135 Reuben Larkmead Frances. The scheme worked like a mice for Sally, because my gal is quite a fool about such things and wanted you to get out and make a reputation before you asked her to get into the ring with you. While mammas generally did not know what a beatific income you have Sally had the field to herself. Then that newspaper story about your being one of the wealthiest bachelors in the market upset poor Sally s plans. You are out in the open with no closed season to protect your hide, and every mother of a mar riageable gal in town is taking a pot shot at you." It would be unfair discrimination to give this estimate of Aunt Sarah by Mrs. Lacquerre without reversing the compli ment. During a call on Aunt Sarah she remarked to me : " I believe, Reuben, that that news paper story about you was inspired by 136 The Marriage Market Polly Lacquerre. She s the most danger ous woman in New York. She won t play fair. As soon as she saw that you were not fooled by the affectations of her posing daughter Frances she determined to give me as much trouble as possible. She knew my natural desire, as your aunt, to have you nicely married, but she is too odious to let me alone in my plans. Really, I am sorry, Reuben, that you so often consult with that slangy creature, for that s just what Polly Lac querre is, though we were school friends." The reader will see by this impartial report of the comments of both ladies that true sisterly harmony was absent from the relations of Aunt Sarah and Mrs. Lacquerre ; yet, perhaps, that ab sence supplied me with a truthful picture of each or a caricature having lines of truth. It was at the interview just related that 137 Reuben Larkmead I asked Aunt Sarah about the matter of paying off some of my social debts. She at once advised me to give an afternoon musicale in my apartment. She offered to engage the musical talent, and in structed me to leave the matter of re freshments in the hands of my man, Martin, who would have the caterer bring in all that was necessary. Aunt Sarah kindly supplied me with an invita tion list. This I chanced to show to Mrs. Lacquerre, and that impulsive lady laughed merrily as she scrutinized it. " P chee ! " she exclaimed I quote her exact language, though it loses a cer tain piquancy in print " P chee, Sally hasn t invited a gal whose face wouldn t stop a clock through a veil, excepting hers and mine. My, my, what a lot of artificial rosebuds she has bunched for your party ! To be sure, you ow T e most 138 The Marriage Market of them attention, for their mothers have been attentive to you, all right, all right. Well, you give this show, and then I ll make Sally s hair turn gray by getting up a blowout for you, and having a lot of stunning girls there." I judge that my entertainment was a success. The guests seemed to have a good time, and the cost almost staggered me. The artists were a soprano, a bari tone, a tenor, and a pianist who also played accompaniments. When the solo ists were not employed an orchestra played. The rooms were decorated by a florist who seemed to have sold out his business to me, and the refreshments, served by a caterer under the supervision of Martin, were much approved by the guests. Plainly, they knew a high priced repast when they ate one. I had in mind to relate the story of all the assaults made upon my susceptibility, 139 Reuben Larkmead but as I consider the matter it becomes agreeable to mention not more than a couple of instances, as samples which must suffice for a score. When Martin had started the refresh ments, in which the guests appeared more interested than in the music and, inci dentally, the artists were also more in terested in their wine and the women than in their songs a lady came to me a little aside and said : " My dear Mr. Larkmead, what an ex quisite apartment you have ! My daugh ter was just calling my attention to the beautiful taste you have displayed in your furnishing and decorating. But she is always quick to discover merits in others in those really deserving praise. Still, it must be a lonely life, without the hallowed influence of family surround ings. I said that to my daughter, and she replied promise not to let her know 140 The Marriage Market that I repeated her remark, for she is so sensitive ! she said : Yes, mamma, it only needs the refining atmosphere a true woman and wife would impart to be a very heaven ! By the way, there is my daughter, now ; do try to engage her in a little chat alone. She admires genius so much, yet is afraid of being considered bold if she utters a thought of her tender heart." She signaled to a young woman I had noticed drinking quite an astonishing amount of champagne with the tenor, and the maid moved to my side as the elder considerately withdrew a few paces where she could, and, in fact, did, inter cept several attempts of other ladies to approach me. Had I not been assured of the young lady s sensitiveness I should have judged from certain physiognomical signs that she was capable of finding her way about, 141 Reuben Larkmead as a saying is, without a guide in almost any kind of company. " Your mother tells me that you have been admiring the apartment," I began. " Oh, it s a corking shack/ she ad mitted, her eyes roaming about until they caught those of a waiter to whom she signified that her glass was empty. " I hope you have enjoyed the music," I ventured, when her glass was refilled. " That tenor is the cunningest thing on earth ! " she replied with enthusiasm. " He s made goo-goo eyes at every girl in the rooms, and we re having more fun than a monkey dinner, getting a rise out of the little ass." " That is a form of entertainment with which I am not familiar," I said. " It s not bad fun," she commented in differently. " But business before pleas ure. Where s Mr. Larkmead, the gillie who s giving the feed ? I suppose I was 142 The Marriage Market trotted out to show my paces to him Goodness ! mamma, what s the matter ? " This diversion was caused by the young lady s mother coming up and pinching her daughter s arm. Mamma had overheard the conversation, and tried to prevent the disclosure that the young lady had not remembered me, and did not know to whom she was talking. More in sorrow than in anger I bowed myself away, and soon saw mother and daughter depart after telling Aunt Sarah, who was matronizing, what a lovely time they had had. A little later, refreshments still being served, I was cornered by another mother, bringing her daughter with her to guard against such a mistake as had just been made, perhaps. " My dear Mr. Larkmead," began the second mamma, " Dora would make me come to you with her, to ask about that 143 Reuben Larkmead delightful turnip sugar your mills make. Dora s fond of all kinds of sugar, but since she heard that you make turnip sugar she won t have any other kind in her tea." "Possibly you refer to beet sugar, madam," I said, somewhat austerely, for I do not consider beet sugar a proper sub ject for jest, nor ignorance concerning it an excusable sin. " Beet sugar, to be sure," exclaimed mamma. "I m always mixed on such matters, but Dora s up on that and every thing. Aren t you, dear ? " Dora, who seemed to be struggling not to cry with rage, managed to answer, "Yes, mamma." " And Dora s so fond of the West, too we went to Hoboken once. But I dare say your hot-houses for beets are further west even than Hoboken. Aren t you, Dora?" 144 The Marriage Market " Yes, mamma." " And politics ! Dora quite went be side herself with excitement when she read of your entrance into politics. We had a coachman once who became too weak to attend to his duties, and Dora got him a place on the police she s quite a politician. Aren t you, Dora? " " Yes, mamma." " And history! Dora was just raving about the history books on your shelves. She reads all the histories * When Mrs. Wiggs the Virginian had the Leopard Spots, and Dorothy Vernon, or the Knight of Haddon Hall, and and oh, everything historical. Don t you, Dora ? " " But those are not the kind of his tories on Mr. Larkmead s shelves," Dora said, feeling for safe ground. " Oh, my darling, history repeats itself, as the poet says. But if you and Mr. Larkmead insist on talking literature and 145 Reuben Larkmead leaving me out of the conversation I ll go and get a plate of salad," and with an encouraging smile she glided away, leav ing me alone with Dora. I lacked words to better the situation, and for a time Dora seemed equally at a loss, but finally she said, " I think The Madness of a Duchess is too sweet, don t you?" " Is it a new candy ? " I asked. " No," she replied, looking surprised. " Ah, a new game ? " " It s the biggest six seller," she re torted with some spirit. " Everybody has read it." " Ah," I said, and after another silence which threatened to become embarrass ing, she said she must find her mamma. The afternoon proceeded with some de gree of gayety, and before it ended it is likely that nearly all those there knew who was their host. 146 The Marriage Market Before Mrs. Lacquerre left she came to me and said : " Reuben, you ve done well. I saw you repulse a number of attacks by old time campaigners and you must be tired. You may come and dine with Frances and me if you ve nothing else on for this evening and we ll agree not to talk turnip, sugar or history to you." She smiled in a way to inform me that at least two of my encounters were known, and I agreed to accept her invitation. I had just dressed for the evening when Martin informed me that two ladies had called to see me. Neither his face nor voice disclosed what manner of call I was to meet, so I was surprised to find waiting for me in the parlor a woman in deep mourning, with a younger woman, one of the prettiest I had seen, but who seemed to be suffering from a painful cough. As I entered the room 147 Reuben Larkmead the elder woman rose, threw back her veil, disclosed a tear-stained face, and in a trembling voice said hurriedly : " Mr. Larkmead, you have just now entertained women who are beautiful, wealthy and blessed with health. Will you listen for a moment to women who were once wealthy and one of whom " her glance fell lovingly on her com panion " was once beautiful, but is now This was uttered with such dramatic force that I was greatly moved. I assured her that if it lay in my power to help her I would esteem it a favor to be allowed to do so. " I will detain you but a moment," said the elder woman. " My daughter is threatened with consumption, and is ordered to go South before the cold weather sets in. But we are penniless ! How we became so, how we were wronged 148 The Marriage Market by false trustees of our estate, how we have suffered in silence, I will not say. I would not speak for myself, but could I see my daughter, my pride and treas ure, die, when speech to one good and generous man would save her life? I am not begging ; one remnant of our for tune was saved this jewel. What its intrinsic value may be I do not know ; but a few thousand dollars, perhaps. I could pledge it for what I must have to save my darling s life, but that I could not do. Pledge, in a vulgar pawn-shop, the first and fondest gift of my dear, dead husband ! " She was overcome for a moment, and the beautiful girl soothed her. Then she resumed : " I, a lady, can speak to you, a gentleman. Will you advance me a mere thousand dollars, or will you have the life of my innocent child on your conscience?" 149 Reuben Larkmead She proffered me the jewel case, and the beautiful girl, turning melting eyes upon me said : "If you care for a girl s faithful friendship, a friendship which will recognize its obligations, help us ! " Nearly distraught, I hastily spurned the proffered jewel case, and said ear nestly : "I am only too glad to be of assistance. I will write a check at once. 7 As I entered my library I encountered my man. " My check-book, Martin ! " I exclaimed. " For those confidence women ? " he asked, calmly. " For those unfortunate ladies," I re sponded sharply. " Excuse me, sir," he continued. " If you will not believe me you must prove the truth by your own ears. Please step into the hall and listen." I could not resent this from him, for I 150 The Marriage Market knew his loyalty and experience. In the hall I overheard Martin say : " Well, what do I get out of this ? " " What do you mean, fellow ? " asked the woman. " Come, now, no airs. I m on. I want my rake off or I ll put the master wise," responded Martin. The younger woman spoke : " Loosen up, mamma. It s always best to tip the valets." " When I cash the check I ll give you fifty dollars," said the elder woman. "All right," said Martin. "How do you work the jewel case now, empty or with a paste stone ? " The woman replied in a tone of pride : " I leave it empty. If the sucker opens it I have a fit because it s stolen. See ? I used to put in a paste stone, but if that is discovered there s no way of squaring the game." 151 Reuben Larkmead I heard the young woman titter as Martin left the room. In the library Martin simply said : "I never happened to see her before, sir, but I ve long heard of her as the cleverest confidence woman in the city. The trick she works is not new, but she is very successful with it, I hear." " Thank you, Martin/ I said. " You may dismiss them. You need not wait up for me to-night." " Thank you, sir," replied my extraor dinary man. Alas, that the mask of morality can be so trickishly assumed by those pos sessing the quality itself in the least degree ; and that the wanton at heart may have a face of fairest virtue ! Is it only in the wicked world we learn how to armor our righteousness? Must he who would improve the world first be improved by it ; must the reformer first 152 The Marriage Market fall before he can help others to rise ? That evening I had a most agreeable dinner with Mrs. Lacquerre. 153 CHAPTER NINE OF LOVE AND ADORATION [HEN will the artist arise to paint an adequate picture of New York ? And what will he be a Taine, to touch its social life with gentle satire ; a Zola, to paint poor, simple truth in garments of need less black and red ; a Crawford, first to swiftly sketch beginnings, so that we may understand what is now; a Dick ens, to point only to the light and shadow cast by the sun of one day; a Tolstoi, to reveal the hidden? The lightness and strength, the profundity, the exaggeration, the truth of them all must be in service or the task will but be begun. There is work for each, and 154: Of Love and Adoration then another must come to help ; one who will treat history not as romance, nor yet as science, but as philosophy, or else the work will lack depth, will be but a Pre- Raphaelite drawing a testimony to art, not truth. Why am I in a mood to ask this, the reader may inquire. However much his wonder, mine exceeds. I marvel that only after living in it many months did this great city impress me in this way. Yet I think it must be so with many vis itors ; many must see only the superficial, bright surface of New York, and deem that they have seen all and be more en tertained than enlightened. Ah, what a light I have received in both heart and mind ! An event of one week in the period these memoirs have reached will give me a theme to illustrate my meaning. Within that week two great hotels were opened in 155 Reuben Larkmead New York either of which would have made a nation-wide topic of wondering comment not many years ago, yet the event passed with but some casual press notices, as a matter of but slight general interest. In one portion of New York s many sided social structure the event was of almost paramount importance ; on the other hand, a vastly greater bulk of the population did not know that such an event had occurred, and if they had been informed would have had but slight, if any, interest in the matter. One hotel, I was told, stands for the outlay of some eight millions. It pro vides patrons with the luxuries the pal aces of few princes offer, and which only American money lords can afford. There, no purchasable luxury, no elegance and refinement of surroundings the world s arts and sciences have produced, is not at command. The other is a fairylike pal- 156 Of Love and Adoration ace of pleasure whose throngs of patrons would seem to be creatures of a life aside from this workaday world, more like the radiant presentments of the footlights than the realities of the world of night and day. Other millions many of them have been poured into this pala tial pile, all to the purpose, it would seem, to perfect a house of delight, a magic spot whereon no seamy thing may rest. Light, color, music, these are the unsubstantial things of which it seems to consist. Not alone to the class of New Yorkers to whom hotel life is a matter of real con cern as to their comfort, but to the more exclusive, who look upon that life as they do the theatre, as a source of occasional entertainment, did these openings offer subject of comment. Mrs. Lacquerre said that we must see the new elephants, and I made plans to 157 Reuben Larkmead do so. I will not occupy the reader s at tention with observations on the con trasting social atmospheres we experi enced at the two hotels at one, an air almost as if we were at a private home of pronounced richness and elegance ; at the other as if at some festival of the Tuile- ries with no hint of a red-capped figure to affright ! These might be profitable speculations for a brighter pen than mine, would be worthy a chapter by the phi losopher-historian I long to welcome. But it were futile for me more than thus to indicate the surging tide of ma terialistic splendor which has risen over New York. Ah, not all New York ! That is the point. Another New York does not so much as know of the existence of these palaces whose openings were the notable events in the programmes of pleasure of those at our elbows when we dined there. 158 Of Love and Adoration Miss Frances Lacquerre brought this to my mind, and at the same time revealed a phase of her life of which, until then, I had had no intimation. As we sat at a table illumined with the soft rays of deli cately shaded electric lights, silently served with dainty viands and exquisite wines, in a hall rich with carvings, with marble and bronze, with satin and silk, listening to soft music, fellowed by bril liantly dressed women, by men in whose faces one looked in vain for trace of worldly care, I said : " The senses have triumphed ; Mate rialism is crowned king ! Remains no lofty sentiment, no spirituality in the world. Without another Renaissance sweetness and light will never again soften and brighten the human soul. No wonder that poetry is dead, music lan guishes, literature halts, high purpose stands still, religion, neglected by the 159 Reuben Larkmead wayside, calls feebly and in vain for dev otees. When last there was a poet he truly said : " l The world is too much with us ; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers, Little we see in nature that is ours. We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon ! " Miss Lacquerre listened to me with what seemed patient indulgence, and then said, " To generalize from a single instance is said to be a woman s fault. However, come with mamma and me to night and see what you will see." Mrs. Lacquerre regarded her daughter with evidence of mild distress, and asked, " Must we go, dear ? " " I have promised, mamma," Frances replied. "I do so little for them it would be indecent to fail after my promise." " Then we must cut out les glaces, le cafe", le fromage, et la fine champagne from 160 Of Love and Adoration this dinner," Mrs. Lacquerre replied with a sigh. " Come, Reuben ; Frances and I must change our gowns and then you may drive with us and see this astonish ing gal of mine in a role new to you." We left the dining-room, with its hun dreds of guests bubbling on a rising tide of conversation, with the animated scene at the height of the evening s gayety and glamour, and were driven to Mrs. Lac- querre s residence, where the ladies soon changed from their dinner toilets into simple gowns. Then we drove to a part of the city I had not before visited ; into streets densely crowded yet strangely lacking in animation, as if the multitude were listless from fatigue or lack of in terest in a further struggle for life. We were in the section where population is more dense than anywhere else on earth the great tenement district of the very poor. 161 Reuben Larkmead At a ground floor hall, a large room which might have been made by throw ing two or more stores into one, we stopped, and the carriage door was in stantly surrounded by a pack of faces, children s faces, and presently there arose a cry, spoken in many strange dialects, " It is Miss Frances ! She is come ! She will sing ! She would not disappoint ! " and, led and followed by the children, we made our way into the already crowded hall. There we were met by some gentlemen and ladies who warmly welcomed Frances, and to whom I was introduced. They were members of a tenement mission so ciety, whose work, in part, is to entertain children who otherwise would be sub jected to the night temptations of the streets. Not all the audience were young ; there were men and women, some old, some rough and villainous looking, I 162 Of Love and Adoration must say, but all equally interested in the arrival of Frances. I must explain that on certain nights in the month she sang at these gather ings, and had made herself a great favor ite there. It had been announced that she would sing there that night, and be cause of our delayed arrival there were lamentations that she would not come. But the children, sometimes so wise in reading character, had said, " She will come ! " and the elders had waited, hoping. To say that all this was a surprise to me but faintly expresses my feelings. I had not even known that Frances sang at all ; I certainly never suspected that under her worldly cynicism dwelt a char acter which would prompt her to do such work as this. Or am I wrong ? Is it possible that such work is largely done by those whose 163 Reuben Larkmead very worldliness makes them sensible of, sensitive to the suffering of those others from whom the luxuries, the comforts, almost the necessities of life, are with held ? Do those who deny the world, the flesh and the devil best prepare them selves to fight what they deny ? A train ing to peace begets a horror of war, but does it teach how best to subdue rebel lion ? Places were found for us on a platform where the piano stood, and a young lady went to the piano ahead of Frances and struck a few chords of music, which were greeted with frantic cheers they were the signal that Frances would first sing the song best liked by most of her hearers. I watched the faces of the people as Frances, sweetly smiling, stepped to the front of the platform. Pale from under nourishment and bad air, lined with early 164 Of Love and Adoration toil, those faces brightened and were transfigured as all eagerly, breathlessly waited for the sound of her voice. There were women of her own age, with features as faultless, possibly, but in whose eyes animation had been smothered by hard, dull lives. These, especially, looked at Frances with wondering rapture. She sang a simple folk song of Italy, and at the first note, the eyes of the elders filled and those of the younger glowed until every shade of care was banished by the new light of happiness. The Italians cheered wildly when she finished, and then there were loud de mands for a certain German song. This she sang graciously, and her first triumph was repeated. I looked at her and saw a transformation as great as that in her lis teners. Surely, here was not the polished society girl whose hardness to me had been so marked ! Now her eyes were 165 Reuben Larkmead soft and filled with a great, understand ing pity, which gave her an exalted love liness. She smiled at the applause which greeted her, and then there arose a gen eral demand for another song " The Star Spangled Banner." This, I was told, was always asked of her because the children, the youngest, those still in school, were taught it, and in turn taught the tune to their elders at home. I had never been moved in such man ner and degree as when the crowd, from the old and bent, to those who stood on benches that they might see her, rose, and with a very babel of accents, sang the chorus with Frances. Above all the others her voice sprang clear in the high notes exultant, ringing, passionate ! I turned from the faces of those who watched her, adoring, and I, too, adored ! Yes, there is a truth of which I am 166 bin I Of Love and Adoration proud ; I was as moved by her loveliness as were her simple listeners. But, oh, how repulsed I felt ! I, who but an hour before, with cock-sure con ceit, had talked of the absence of spirit uality, of sweetness and light, maunder ing my feeble words to a woman whose life, secret from her own world, was spiritual ; who was giving sweetness and light from her own rich store into the starved lives of a people whose existence was unknown to me to conceited me ! My power of speech left me, and on our way home I did not speak. Mrs. Lacquerre was silent as I, and, I suspect, that in spite of her assumption of martyr dom at this phase of her daughter s life, she was, in truth, proud of it, and as adoring as I. As we reached their home Mrs. Lac querre asked me in, saying : " As we cut 167 Reuben Larkmead short our dinner we must see if we can t find something to eat here." There spake the simple worldling let us adore, but let us return to our mutton ! As her mother went to order for us Frances turned to me and said : " I am only an occasional volunteer in that work. There are men and women ladies and gentlemen, if you like who devote their lives to it. Do you think they find there a man, woman or child who will ever dine where we dined to-night? Do you think that with such workers for the spiritual uplifting of the poor all is ma terialism in this city of ours ? " " It is a strange city," I said. " Life is strange ; you are a strange woman will you be my wife ? " When I began the speech I did not in tend to finish as I did. It was impulsive utterance, spoken, perhaps, not under the spell of love, but of adoration, a different 168 Of Love and Adoration emotion, surely ; but, having said it, I could not refrain from saying again and again, many times, " Will you be my wife?" " Certainly not ! " she replied, with much conviction. " You have done nothing." " Oh ! " I exclaimed, with sudden light, " is it that work you want me to do ? " " That, or anything else which will teach you what the world really is." I was about to protest that I would do anything for a word of hope from her, but her mother entered the room, and a sudden overwhelming recollection that the first woman I ever proposed marriage to was Frances mother, kept me silent in humiliation. As I returned to my apartment I ques tioned myself of adoration and of love. Was I in love with Frances whom I cer tainly adored or did adore as I heard 169 Reuben Larkmead her sing. Is adoration love without wings? Yet is it not a more fleeting emotion than love ? And what of world- liness? Mrs. Lacquerre was, in a way, more worldly than her daughter, yet she imposed no qualifications for admission to her world beyond those I already pos sessed ; while Frances was quixotic in her demands. Or, perchance, was I relaxing the pressure of my high resolves and pur poses or was I growing sleepy. Any way, I went to bed and slept soundly. 170 CHAPTER TEN IS CUPID A CROOK WAS greatly pleased within a week after our evening at the tenement mission to receive word from Uncle Silas that he would soon be in New York. But the tenor of his letter, rather than any ex plicit statement it contained, puzzled me. He expressed lively interest in all that I said about having asked Frances Lacquerre to marry me, and her decisive refusal of my offer ; but his letter did not say in so many words that I might depend upon his help in changing her state of mind regarding me. Uncle Silas did, to be sure, say that he much admired the young lady s char- in Reuben Larkmead acter, and I recalled that she had ex pressed admiration for his. Perhaps, thought I, this approval of Frances is tantamount to an assurance that he will help me in my suit. If he approves her and I want her thus I argued I there fore can count upon his help. I found myself in unchanged relation to the Lacquerre household, which is to say that I was treated as a member of it. I have often intimated in these pages that I derived delight from discussing my plans with Mrs. Lacquerre. She was sympathetic, and, while she did not agree with my political ambitions, she did agree with, and greatly help in my determina tion to devote a reasonable amount of my energies to society affairs. In this respect I must, as I do on all subjects, write without concealment. While I was not yet convinced that there was material grave enough for my con- 172 Is Cupid a Crook slant attention in the affairs of the social world my views on the general subject were much modified by experiences, as well as by the advice and counsel of Mrs. Lacquerre. She had patiently pointed out to me the advantage one of my wealth and intellect gains by intimate association with his equals, and I had come not only to agree with her, but to enjoy my life as it was directed by her. I can, without conceit, assert that under her wise and friendly guidance I had acquired a pleasant aptitude in the art of entertaining the men and women I met in her in my world. The life of a man of the world is not so futile, so lacking in profitable activi ties, as I somewhat dogmatically had been prone to adjudge. I found that entertaining and being entertained by agreeable people, having common inter ests and pastimes had a charm wholly 173 Reuben Larkmead unsuspected by me theretofore. I was even willing to admit that in the earlier days of my intercourse with such people I may have displayed an almost uncouth determination to make them consider my pet themes to the enforced exclusion of theirs. I became cognizant that social intercourse which is free from annoying friction largely results from an accommo dation of acts, of views, of manner, even of dress, to the end that an agreeable atmosphere of repose may prevail, rather than an air disturbed by petty cross cur rents of aims and standards. As I read over what is just here set down I am conscious that it may impress the reader as indicating a radical change in my ideals. It may be so, but I must tell frankly these things though they ex cite apprehension at what may be con sidered a backsliding. I spoke of this to Mrs. Lacquerre, say- 174 Is Cupid a Crook ing that my uncle, when he came, might blame me for caring too much for the world as I found it, and not caring enough to reform it. She replied : " True, Reuben, your Uncle Silas may not agree with your views, but he will not blame you for holding them. He is a man who is con tent only when engaged in big and stren uous affairs, yet he accommodates himself to the smaller things of our social world, and makes himself agreeable therein as well as the most devoted man of society. When he visits us he is quite a beau to Frances and me, yet is rushing all over the lot, carrying deals through the Street, as if he held that the chief task of man is to give the financial world the willies. That is why Frances is so chummy with him." " Indeed ! " I exclaimed. " Is Frances, then, so chummy with my Uncle Silas ? " 175 Reuben Larkmead " The best ever ! " declared Mrs. Lac- querre. " You see that, while Frances is not yet nineteen, and your Uncle Si is my age, thirty-nine, she is his elder in soberness of mind and severity of stand ards. Oh, they are great pals! In one sense he is your junior. By the way, Reuben, just how old are you? some one was asking me." " I am approaching my twenty-ninth birthday," I replied. " You can remem ber the number as being ten less than the age of my uncle, and ten more than that of Frances." " Ten less than mine, too," commented Mrs. Lacquerre thoughtfully. Then she smiled and abruptly changed the subject. I reminded her that she had promised to matronize an entertainment for me at my apartment, and as I had an accumu lation of social debts to discharge I urged an early date for the affair. She named 176 Is Cupid a Crook a convenient day, and promised to fulfil her agreement to have a number of hand some young ladies present, and fewer mammas who would endeavor to carry my heart by direct assault. Having acquired some knowledge in the matter of social entertainment, I de termined to arrange the programme for my afternoon at home without calling on Aunt Sarah for help. I had, as a mere exercise in composition, written a trifling comedy, based upon some troubles in the Samoan Islands, when the diplomats of Germany, England and America, assisted by the officers of some war-ships of those three countries, were all deeply involved in an effort to untangle and adjust the rival claims to the Samoan throne made by a couple of barefooted natives, whose posings before the world were in them selves farcical, yet brought three great nations to the verge of war. m Reuben Larkmead Thinking that such a light comedy as I had written would afford a suitable vehicle for an amateur performance, I submitted it to Mrs. Lacquerre for her judgment. When she had read it she said : " Your comedy is pretty good tragedy for the professional stage, Reu ben, but for our purpose it must be adapted to make a satire on the rival claims of certain women in the brass band set in New York. Their doings are much in print, but have no more to do with swell society than your Samoans had to do with weltpolitik." " Excellent ! " I cried, " but I am not enough informed as to the brass band set s social politics to adapt my play to such satire." " Oh, I ll do that for you," she kindly replied. She did, and with such wit that I was amazed, and frankly said so; the more 178 Is Cupid a Crook amazed because her writing is daintily witty, whereas her speech, as I have truth fully recorded, is calculated to impress hearers with the belief that her vocabu lary is as limited as it is brusque. " You are deucedly bright, Polly," I said, and then blushed to hear myself call her by her first name. She overlooked that, or seemed to, but laughed heartily at my use of the word " deucedly." " You are a transformed man ! " she declared, laughing. " Your use of deu cedly tells more than all your tailor s extravagances, your horses, clubs, petits soupe*s than anything else. Bravo, Reu ben ! " Mrs. Lacquerre s arrangement of my modest little play changed the rival kings into queens : and they, with their follow ing of native girls, furnished the feminine portion of the cast, and diplomats and naval officers called for the services of a 179 Reuben Larkmead number of my men friends. Mrs. Lac- querre played one of the queens and Aunt Sarah the other, and their witty hits at the rivals in the brass band set kept my audience in merry mood. My part in the play was the German Consul, whose duty it was to make a final decision as to the rival claims to the throne. Mrs. Lac- querre was the queen in whose favor I was to decide, and the action required that queen and consul rub noses, as is the custom among the natives, as a sign of amicable relations. Mrs. Lacquerre looked bewitching, having given rein to her pretty fancy in costume besides be ing a person of notable loveliness so, at the moment our faces approached to rub noses, a sudden spirit of mischief, which a few months before I would have con sidered myself incapable of harboring, made me salute her lips with mine, in lieu of the nose rubbing. The audience 180 Is Cupid a Crook saw, and laughed heartily at my daring, but Aunt Sarah severely reproached me for the act as soon as chance afforded. She reminded me that such an act was most unbecoming at any time, but in her presence it came near being an insult, not alone to her, but to her daughter, my charming Cousin Josephine. My dear aunt was emphatic in expressing her hope that my indecorous act did not portend any return of my warmth of affection for Mrs. Lacquerre, and was appeased only when I assured her "of the unemotional nature of our friendship. Mrs. Lacquerre laughed the incident away, as the others did at the moment, but later took me to task about it in terms which again testi fied to the variety of her vocabulary. " It was a darn fool trick of you to do," she said to me. " Not that I am object ing to being kissed in public the more public the less harm. That s not the 181 Reuben Larkmead point. You are queering your own pros pects, and that is evidence of a lack of wit I hate to see in you." " My own prospects ! " I exclaimed. " Surely," she replied. " Here you are, trying to get my gal to marry you, and, knowing what a crank she is about the conventionalities, you get gay in just the way which will take you months to square. For a man who is in love with Frances, you seem to know precious little about her make-up." For some reason this view of the situa tion vexed me, but I politely responded to Mrs. Lacquerre : " It is true that I hope to induce Frances to change her mind about my proposal. I appreciate that with her for my wife I will have a guiding light to lead me toward the goal of my political ambition ; that in Frances I will have a companion who will appre ciate and help my intellectual strivings 182 Is Cupid a Crook and spiritual yearnings ; with her to ap prove my efforts I know I can make my fellow man admit my superior gifts for the political uplifting " " Fudge ! " interrupted Mrs. Lacquerre. " You admire Frances and want her to be in love with you. That s about all there is to that situation. Frances isn t hank ering after spirituality or any other fuddy- duddyism ; she wants you to make a big success of something outside of society. It isn t that she doesn t like society ; but, having been born into it, she can t see that it requires wit, wisdom, struggle on the part of those not born in it to achieve it. She did not have to display any sort of capacity to get into the best society she was born there, like her parents. She assumes that you, like the other men she knows, had your place in society already provided for you to step into ; she does not see that you have exerted a great deal 183 Reuben Larkmead of a certain kind of talent to reach even your present social position. Your suc cess in that line doesn t count in your favor with her. " Now, I m not blushing behind my fan because you had the cheek to kiss me when I couldn t help myself; I m only telling you that such an act suggests to Frances that you are, under your funny pretense of liking a hair shirt, mighty fond of a silk one. I m different from Frances ; I m satisfied with my world as I find it. I m not lecturing you to make you a good man as I see goodness, for you re coming on my way pretty strong as it is ; but as to Frances if you don t get busy along her line of light some man who is busy will land her, and marry her alive before our eyes." I could not but smile at her quaint views. I hinted that if I had shown some of the worldly improvement she 184 " Widdies get awfully lonesome." Page 185 Is Cupid a Crook spoke of, upon a certain sentimental occasion when I did myself the honor of asking a charming widow who was still my good friend to marry me, I might have had better luck. She received this personal sally seri ously, and after a pause responded : "Per haps you are right, Reuben. I m not sworn not to remarry, and it may be that with your income, with your presentable looks you are less gillified since you ve taken your mind off politics and put it on the world I might have given a different answer then. Indeed, if you had then shown but a sign that you would turn out a perfect man of the world, who knows what might have happened ? Widdies get awfully lonely sometimes, Reuben. Now, run away, hunt up Frances, and try to square your self with her for having kissed her mamma." 185 Reuben Larkmead I went away, but did not hunt up Frances. Of course I admired her, but an odd feeling came over me when I contemplated marriage with her that there, again, I was a victim of an un intended confidence game played on me by my own emotions. For what, in brief, is falling a victim to a confidence game ? It is the beguiling of us through our best feelings. As a companion for the skies, for a world of angels, this visionary, fanciful girl of nineteen would be the ideal ; but in a world of mere human beings a very good world, too, and the only one of which we have any positive knowledge the application of a poet s dream of ideal conduct would inevitably land us in a marsh of misunderstanding, and finally of ennui, from which some clear headed worldling must ever step in and save us. Thus I argued, and asked myself this question : After all, is not 186 Is Cupid a Crook Dan Cupid, in some of his pranks, a bit of a crook ? There is merely the academics of my musing. Its practical aspect is repre sented by the fact that I did not, that day " hunt up Frances and try to square myself for having kissed her mamma." Instead of doing so I made active prep arations for receiving as a guest in my apartment my Uncle Silas, from whom I had a telegram saying he would arrive the next day. " Dear Uncle Silas," I thought, " you are old-fashioned, and doubtless a bit rusty in the ways of the polite world ; but in me you have a lov ing nephew who is now prepared to warn, advise and protect you." 187 CHAPTER ELEVEN UNEXPECTED WEDDING BELLS NCLE SILAS, in one of our intimate chats, of which we had many when I had wel comed him and Martin had made him comfortable, said that he had been surprised to find in my letters to him so little which showed my interest in sociology, in which science I had been so well grounded at the Saccharine Academy. I was glad to have this frank criticism by him, but I did not admit that my letters lack sociological value. I do not recall that in any lectures, nor in the text-books, the science of social phe nomena sociology was defined as social 188 Unexpected Wedding Bells development of the lower strata of so ciety, rather than in the strata nearer the top. Concerning the latter I certainly had written to him at length. And why not? Is it, as the political demagogue, the sensational press, would have us be lieve, that the lower classes alone are worthy the consideration of thoughtful men ? No ! In botany, do we neglect the rose because of its beauty ; the violet, because of its sweet perfume ? Why, then, should he have been surprised that my letters were largely about the roses and violets of society, instead of ill smelling weeds? The latter have their uses and their place, no doubt, but have not the rose and violet as well ? Uncle Silas was disposed to be merry at what he asserted was a great change in my views of life, which he attributed to the fact that I found myself possessed of greater aptitude for agreeableness to peo- 189 Reuben Larkmead pie of my own class than to the sub merged class of whom I once, he reminded me, thought so highly theoretically. " Reuben," said Uncle Silas to me dur ing one of our chats, " the only time you attempted to address an audience of the lower class here in New York, I am told that you had to thrash your hearers be fore they would listen to you. You find, however, that audiences of your own class will listen to you without the help of the police to make them do so, and therefore you have become an aristocrat, a butter fly of fashion, a devotee of the futile five o clock tea, a connoisseur in the arts, a follower of the foibles of the day." One does not always take Uncle Silas seriously, but to humor his vein I chal lenged his statement, and he responded with a formidable bill of particulars. Until he reminded me precisely what my 190 Unexpected Wedding Bells avocations were, day by day, I had not realized how wholly my time was oc cupied with matters which I would have looked upon as profitless, or even some what wicked, but a few months be fore. And yet, why is not the study of the higher classes of society valuable to the student of sociology? Wherein is that study wicked, even profitless? Surely, it is of as much value to the student to understand the phenomena of polite people, to study their ac tivities, as to concern oneself about the plans and hopes of some millions of people who get along very well or ill, as the case may be without our ob servations, or conclusions thereon. When I said something to this effect to Uncle Silas he responded heartily, " Of course, my boy ! The fewer people you try to understand for the fun of it, the 191 Reuben Larkmead better you ll understand the few you must understand for your own safety." This struck me as being unscientific but true. After the arrival of Uncle Silas I be came engaged more than ever, if possible, in society duties. He is a preacher of the gospel of doing things, and, in truth, did everything but sleep ; thus making it possible to work all day with affairs in the financial district and participate most of the night in affairs of the polite set in which I had become a not incon spicuous member. His sister, my dear Aunt Sarah, claimed his evenings ex clusively for a time, but later he accepted engagements I made for him, and these usually included Mrs. Lacquerre and her daughter Frances. This was after Uncle Silas remarked, " Dear sister Sally " meaning my aunt " is a bit persistent in mulling the sub- 192 Unexpected Wedding Bells ject of your marriage to her daughter, to be entirely entertaining to a man some what inclined to mull the subject of his own marriage." " What ! " I exclaimed, laughing at the absurd thought. " Are you seriously thinking of marriage, Uncle Silas?" "Why not, Master Impertinence?" he responded. " The reason I m not married is because I ve not had time to commit matrimony. I ve been too busy making my own fortune and increasing yours to give the hour I suppose one should de vote to the choice of a wife or finding a woman who ll have him. I believe I could now take an hour off for the pur pose if I got up uncommonly early one day." " I have often thought of your marry ing Mrs. Lacquerre, Uncle Silas," I said to him, " and with pleasure, for she has been such a good friend of mine ; but, 193 Reuben Larkmead really, it will be a cruel turn to deprive me of my best chum. Couldn t you find some one else who would suit you as well?" He replied, looking at me whimsically, " That is the most selfish speech I ever heard. Here are you, making suit to the daughter, yet you want also to retain the mother as a friend an unmarried friend! However, if you seriously object to my marrying Mrs. Lacquerre, and thus de priving you of your chief adviser, pro moter, chum and guide, I will look around this little old island of Manhat tan to see what else offers. You promise not to object to my second choice, who ever she may be ? " I responded in the same half serious vein that I would urge no further objec tion, but that I could not, with fortitude, think of Mrs. Lacquerre marrying. In truth, such was the fact. Although 194 Unexpected Wedding Bells I was still decorously pursuing my suit for the hand of Miss Frances with no more success than at first it was with her mother I found myself more often thrown in companionship. If we made a partie carre*e Mrs. and Miss Lacquerre, Uncle Silas and I, for the theatre, opera, dinner, or for some of the many private society events with which the season was rapidly filling, it was with madame, rather than la fille, I was disposed to pair at table, in strolls, in the box, wherever. It was not agreeable to be intimately as sociated during an entire evening with a young lady who, during the afternoon, without heat or passion, but with per sistent calmness, had repeated a refusal to marry you. So, perforce, Uncle Silas was thrown with Miss Lacquerre. She did not seem to be bored with his com pany, but, on the contrary, appeared gen uinely interested in his accounts of Wall 195 Reuben Larkmead Street activities, of his moves on the chess board of haute finance. So madame and I were left to our own re sources and interests. One morning, some hours after uncle had gone into Wall Street, but while I was yet at breakfast, my groom informed me that my saddle-horse was at the door, and I hurried to be off on a promised canter through the Park with Mrs. Lac- querre. Miss Lacquerre was not to ac company us, as she had promised to lunch with Uncle Silas in the city, and after wards attend with him a meeting of bank ers, whereat he was to make an address. The park was lovely that morning, for the keenness of winter was not in the air, which, however, was almost intoxicating in its stimulating qualities. My com panion was, as usual, a fine and spirited figure on horseback, and I felt, even saw in the looks of some we passed in the 196 An uninterrupted afternoon. Page 197 Unexpected Wedding Bells paths, that I was not an unbecoming gal lant for the lady. When the ride was over, Mrs. Lacquerre graciously said I might lunch with her and entertain her until the return of her daughter from her engagement with Uncle Silas. I experienced lively pleas ure from the prospect of an uninterrupted afternoon with the lady. Her society was most congenial to me, and I had come to believe that mine was not dis tasteful to her. I confess that I enter tained this belief humbly, not with the vanity with which I once estimated the desirableness of my company. I recalled, as I enjoyed the prospect of a tete-li-tete with her, that once I was so lost in con ceit and idiocy that I looked upon an offer of marriage to the lady as a compli ment and honor to her ! Now I was humbly thankful that she would grant opportunity for me to be in her presence, 197 Reuben Larkmead with no doubt as to who was conferring the compliment, the honor ! At lunch and for a time afterwards we talked of affairs relating to our social plans. " Our " plans, I say, for during the previous few months we had, insensi bly, merged our plans ; she advising and helping me with mine, and making them part of her own, I holding myself ready at all times to assist her in any way a man may be useful in such respects. But soon we were talking of other things : of her wish to travel abroad again, and the hindrance Miss Lacquerre was to her plans. " I wish, Reuben," she suddenly exclaimed, and with unusual earnestness, " that you d hurry up and convince Frances that you are the man she should marry and take her off my hands. Then I d have leisure to do a little independent planning for my own amusement. Won t the girl have you ? " 198 Unexpected Wedding Bells Some emotional impulse made me ask, " Then are you so anxious that I should marry Frances ? " " Of course I am," she replied stoutly, but she blushed as she said it, and I quickly persisted : " If Frances married some one else it would effect your liberty as well as would her marriage to me." " To be sure," the lady assented. " But I d like to have the thing over with. I could marry, too, if Frances were off my hands." "And would you then marry?" I asked with meaning, for the thought of Uncle Silas came strongly into my mind. " That is not for you to ask," she re plied, and I saw, as much from her tone as her words, that she understood the personal application of my question, and was steering away from an embarrassing topic. In short, I will say in so many words that Mrs. Lacquerre understood 199 Reuben Larkmead me to ask, by indirection, if there were hope for me, rather than Uncle Silas, in her favor, should Frances marry some one else. The situation was involved ; I was the avowed suitor of the lady s daughter, yet confessing that my old love for the lady had returned if it had ever gone ! and half convinced that the lady looked upon me with approval, certainly with more favor than upon the occasion of my as tounding first offer of marriage to her. But what could I do ? I was bound, in honor, to pursue my suit of the daughter so long as there seemed a chance that I might succeed. Yet I was tortured with doubts as to my standing in the heart of this lad} r I truly loved, but to whom I was equally in honor bound not to make another proposal of marriage certainly not until I should be finally refused by her daughter. 200 Unexpected Wedding Bells It was with a mind tortured with acute suspense that I said to Mrs. Lacquerre, "If it should turn out that I am so far from your daughter s ideal of a husband that I must abandon my suit for her hand, may I begin to try, humbly and patiently, to win your love?" Mrs. Lacquerre s pose of manner with me had been of brusque good nature. She seemed disposed to deny any senti mentality, to be indifferent to emotional interests and seek to convey the impres sion that she was as hard within as pol ished outwardly. I, of course, had, long before that, seen through this mask, saw that she was a lady susceptible to many emotional moods, was as sentimental as witty, and affected otherwise to prevent appeals to that concealed side of her na ture ; yet, knowing this, I was still un prepared to see tears in her eyes as she replied to my question : " Oh, the deuce 201 Reuben Larkmead of it is, Reuben, that you need not begin to try to win my love you ve won it al ready ! " Then, to my immeasurable surprise and distress, she began to weep, and hurried from the room. I sat in a daze of happiness until she returned and smilingly said : " There 1 I ve made a fool of myself, and perhaps it s done me good. It s all over now I hope it is, for I ve powdered my nose so we ll never speak on the subject again. Now let s talk about the weather." I understood, and plunged into talk of impersonal subjects, but we were progress ing indifferently when a servant entered and gave Mrs. Lacquerre a telegram. She opened and read it, and became as one stunned. Seriously alarmed, I rose to go to her assistance, for she seemed like to fall from her chair, but suddenly she be- 202 Unexpected Wedding Bells gan to laugh, somewhat hysterically, then looked at me as if frightened, crumpled the telegram into a ball, tossed it to me and, for the second time, hurriedly left the room. The telegram, dated Philadelphia, read as follows : " Frances and I married this afternoon. " Silas Larkmead. ," Surely, dear reader, the god out of the machine had appeared in the person of my Uncle Silas. I knew, perhaps had known for many weeks, that my true love had been won by Mrs. Lacquerre; not by Frances, who had so suddenly be come my aunt ! I have written these pages without wit if the reader has failed to see that I can be a man of action. Truly, I proved to be one in this emergency ; for, so soon as I was able to calm my dear lady, I was 203 Reuben Larkmead again on my knees at her feet, urging my suit, and reminding her of her confession that I had already won her love. For a time she was obdurate in refus ing to give me the answer I prayed and begged for. It appeared that she had so long thought of me as one certain in the end to wed her daughter, she could not at once readjust her view to a changed re lation. She had been surprised, she said, into her confession of love ; she must ex amine her heart closely to be sure that this was the love she should give to a husband. But I met every objection with persist ent persuasion, until she finally con sented. Our wedding was not a large one, as the saying is, but it was perfection in all its social details. As to these, Uncle Silas and his bride took a deep and helpful in terest, for the reason, as Uncle Silas re- 204 Unexpected Wedding Bells marked, " Frances and I, having made it possible for you and Polly to marry, we feel that we should do all we can to pro mote a perfect wedding for two perfect worldlings." THE END 205