I> § 
 
 
 
 
 ^ni 1^ 
 
 
 .\WEUN1VER%. 
 
 1^1 
 
 ^lOSANCEl 
 
 .jo^ \mmi^^ ^TiiaDNVsoi^ 
 
 .^W!UNIVER% 
 
 
 ^VlOSANCEl 
 
 Or 
 O 
 
 i-# '^c'AHvaan^ <rii33Nvsoi^ 
 
 Kg iCl^i 
 
 ^VWSANCElfx^ 
 
 ^ILIBRARYOc. 
 
 ^<{/0JllV3J0^ 
 
 ^.OFCALIFO/?^ 
 
 ^OFCAIIFC 
 
 "^AiijMNnmv^ >&AyvHaiVA^ 
 
 >&Aavaaii 
 
 •"^ ^ 1 ir - 
 
 ^^WEUNIVERS/A A^iVOSANCE
 
 ^^^^130^501^ '^Aij]AiNn-3Wv* >&Ayvaan-^^ 
 
 <5>^lUBRARYac^ 
 
 ^^HlBRARYQc 
 
 \oi\m'i^'^ 
 
 ^OFCAllFOff^ 
 
 %jnv3-jo^ 
 
 ^OFCAIIFOMi^ 
 
 ^^Ayvaain^ 
 
 ^^•Ayvaan-^ 
 
 .^WE•UNIVERy/A 
 
 <ril30NYS01^ 
 
 .^WEUNIVER% 
 <^ — - 
 
 <ril30NVS01^ 
 
 ^WEUNIVER% 
 
 v^lOSANCElfx^ 
 
 ^TilJDNVSOl^'^ "^Aa^AiNniwv 
 
 >5,^H!BRARYa^^ 
 
 ^<!/0 J nVD- JO^ 
 
 .^WEUNIVER% 
 
 ^VlOSANCElfx^. 
 
 <ril30NVS01^ 
 
 %il3AINa-3\^^ 
 
 ^OfCALIF0% 
 
 ^<?Ayvaani^ 
 
 -^illBRARYO^ 
 
 iMii 
 
 <^^L1BRARYQ^^ .\WEUNIVERy/A 
 
 Ml i^i 
 
 n — n )
 
 MEMOIRS 
 
 OF 
 
 MISS MARY LYON, 
 
 OF 
 
 NEW HAVEN, CONN. 
 
 NEW HAVEN: 
 PUBLISHED BY A. H. MALTBY. 
 
 1837.
 
 Entered, 
 
 According to Act of Congress, in the year 1837, by 
 
 A. H. MALTBY, 
 
 In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Connecticut, 
 
 HITCHCOCK & STAFFORD, PRINTERS. 
 
 a;^*
 
 stack 
 Annex 
 
 5" 
 
 PREFACE. ^51 
 
 These Memoirs are not offered to the pious, as afford- 
 ing an interesting variety ; or those soul-stirring details, 
 which are found in the life of the active, and successful 
 minister of the Gospel ; or of the devoted female mis- 
 sionary. 
 
 They are merely presented, as the history of an im- 
 mortal spirit, from its conversion to God, through its 
 progressive course of sanctification, till it appeared pre- 
 pared by the influences of the Holy Spirit, to join the 
 society of " the just made perfect" in Heaven. 
 
 Truth has been the aim of the compiler, and no at- 
 tempt made to extenuate the imperfections, or give un- 
 due prominence, to the virtues of the subject of these 
 Memoirs ; or to represent her otherwise, than she ap- 
 pears in her own writings, or in the recollection of 
 friends, who still cherish her memory, as the sweet per- 
 fume of a precious ointment. 
 
 Miss Lyon thought herself constitutionally inclined to 
 melancholy ; and those natural traits of character pos- 
 sessed by individuals before their conversion, generally 
 remain afterwards, and are still prominent features. 
 Divine grace gives them new bias, directs them to different 
 objects, and employs them in different pursuits, St. 
 Paul after his conversion, still retained his distinctive, 
 native characteristics. Some of the Reformers, and 
 modern missionaries, furnish examples of the same 
 kind. From a native sense of propriety, but more espe- 
 
 k^^ji.^^'^
 
 4 PREFACE. 
 
 cially, from a desire to adorn her profession, the state of 
 her mind was never unseasonably obtruded on any; and 
 her societ)'- for an afternoon, or for a visit of weeks, or 
 months, was considered a/aror, and often solicited. She 
 did not yield to the melancholy, which at times oppressed 
 her ; or ever plead it as an excuse, for the omission of 
 duty ; or suffer it to paralize her efibrts to do good ; for 
 hers was a life of activity, and usefulness. 
 
 Let not the desponding feeling, occasionally expressed 
 in these Memoirs, be ascribed to religion as its cause 5 
 for it was the grace of God, shed abroad in her heart, 
 which restrained, rectified, and overruled it for good. 
 If her exemplary, and disinterested life, is compared 
 with one possessing the same constitutional tempera- 
 ment, but unsustained by the supports of religion, and 
 uninfluenced by its precepts, the transforming power of 
 divine grace, will appear conspicuous. 
 
 It is true that the sincere believer has sorrows which 
 the world does not experience ; but he has seasons of 
 communion with his heavenly Father, which he would 
 not exchange for millions of worlds. At times he feels 
 the dawnings of celestial peace in his soul, arising from 
 scriptural evidence of his union to Christ ; and can 
 adopt the language of the apostle : " The Spirit itself 
 beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children 
 of God." 
 
 With him, death is disarmed of his sting, and he can 
 look forward undismayed to that tremendous day, 
 "When the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, 
 and the elements melt with fervent heat." O ! that all 
 those who are feeding on the husks of this world, and 
 who consider the rational confidence and peace of the 
 Christian, as delusions of the imagination, knew by per- 
 sonal experience, " what these things mean."
 
 PREFACE. 5 
 
 These pages are now presented to the pious, with the 
 T-rayers of the compiler, that God would make this hum- 
 ble, but sincere attempt to glorify him, an instrument of 
 their growth in grace. If any should feel an increasing 
 desire to follow this departed saint, wherein she followed 
 Christ, to all the other Christian graces, let them add 
 those for which she was particularly distinguished. 
 Watchfulness, self-denial, and confidence in God. 
 
 1*
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 Miss Mary Lyon was daughter of Col. Wm. 
 and Mrs. Lois Lyon, of New Haven, Conn. 
 
 Her father was remarkable for precocity of 
 talents, and acquired r.Imost in infancy, habits of 
 strict application to whatever demanded his atten- 
 tion, which remained through life, and were appa- 
 rent in all the various occupations in which he en- 
 gaged. 
 
 His love of literature was never subdued by the 
 pressure of business. His evenings, and at times, 
 part of the night, were devoted to his favorite pur- 
 suit. 
 
 Col. Lyon respected and supported the institu- 
 tions of religion, but never connected himself with 
 the professed church of Christ. 
 
 Mrs. Lyon was a member of the first Congrega- 
 tional church in N. H. Her love of prayer, and 
 diligent perusal of the Scriptures, were conspicuous 
 traits in her religious character. Debarred, by ill 
 health, for several years from active pursuits, read- 
 ing the Bible, and prayer, seemed indeed to consti- 
 tute the business, as well as the enjoyment of her 
 life. Her paternal ancestors were pious, as far as
 
 8 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 known. Her grandfather, and father, after hves of 
 usefulness, and obedience to the precepts of the 
 Gospel, died in the triumphs of faith. The former 
 of these venerable men, was deacon of the first 
 Congregational church in N. H., and obtained from 
 his pastor, the honorable appellation of a Nathaniel 
 " in whom was no guile." 
 
 Miss Lyon was the fourth of six children ; one 
 son, and five daughters, and was born Oct. 7, 1780.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON 
 
 In childhood she was distinguished for veracity, 
 love of order, and attention to what she read, par- 
 ticularly the Scriptures. One example of this kind 
 in a child about five years of age, may be interest- 
 ing. Her father becoming wearied with a noisy 
 play, in which Mary was engaged, told her to sit 
 down, observing, how would your mamma, or I, 
 appear jumping about the room as you do ? Why 
 papa, she replied, do not you remember what the 
 Bible says ? " When I was a cliild, I spake as a child, 
 I understood as a child, I thought as a child : but 
 when I became a man I put away childish things." 
 
 Nothing of a religious character marked her 
 early years. At the age of seventeen she was 
 leading a gay and thoughtless life : attached to 
 dress, parties, balls, and other vain amusements of 
 youth. Not far from this period a change took 
 place in her feelings. The world seemed to loose 
 its fascinations, — she experienced a void every 
 where ; and all things appeared to be vanity and 
 vexation of spirit. No divine illumination increased 
 in her soul ; she discovered her native alienation
 
 10 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 from God, — the utter sinfulness of her whole life, 
 and commenced a course of self-righteousness, be- 
 ing at this time ignorant even of the plan of salvation, 
 through the righteousness of Christ. How long 
 this state of mind continued is not known. Some 
 letters written in 1802 and 5, indicate no particu- 
 lar seriousness ; but as they exhibit the strength of 
 those endearing affections, which were prominent 
 traits in her character through life, a few extracts 
 will be given. 
 
 Killingworth, Aug. 21, 1802. 
 
 My Dear Sophia : — Uncle M. and his family- 
 treat me with the greatest kindness, and my visit 
 has been very agreeable ; yet my thoughts are 
 much at home. Every night in my dreams, I 
 make 5^ou a visit ; and while I am enjoying my- 
 self in the East chamber, surrounded by my sis- 
 ters, and reading Shakespeare, I suddenly open my 
 eyes, and behold I am in K. ; and instead of hear- 
 ing the rattling of carts, wagons, carriages, and 
 stages, the lowing of cows salute my ears. 
 
 I can hardly think of Gold and Eli without tears. 
 Tell them to be good boys, and I will endeavor to 
 procure somethuig pretty, and bring it to them 
 when I return. 
 
 Killingworth, Sept. 6, 1802. 
 My Dear Sophia : — You will receive this letter 
 very mal-apropos, for I suppose it will find you in
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. H 
 
 all the bustle and gayety of Commencement. Write 
 soon, and tell me who of our old acquaintance were 
 in N. H. I went last Friday to spend the after- 
 noon with my good old friend Hannah, now Mrs. 
 G. I was delighted with my visit. She had ex- 
 erted herself much to make preparation for us ; and 
 had some of the finest oysters I ever tasted. The 
 happiness she expressed at seeing me there, gave a 
 double relish to her supper. I enjoyed her Jiomely 
 fare with rare satisfaction ; and felt happier in her 
 little hut under the rock, than ever I did in the 
 ball-room in my life. 
 
 I have just heard the sudden death of Mrs. S. 
 Little did she expect so soon to mingle with her 
 parent earth, and resign her lovely features and 
 complexion to the worms for food. But yester- 
 day, so heautiful! — now silent, shrouded, moulder- 
 ing, and sharing the same common resting-place 
 with those, who when living, appeared like another 
 race of mortals, and were perhaps pitied, for the 
 rude neglect of nature. I have been very gloomy 
 since Saturday, occasioned by the sudden death of 
 a man in this village, with bilious cholic : but do 
 not mention it to papa. 
 
 The father of Mary was subject to severe at- 
 tacks of this terrible disease. These letters were 
 written during a visit to the family of her maternal
 
 12 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 uncle, the Rev. Achilles Mansfield, father to the 
 late Mrs. Susan Huntington, of Boston. Mary- 
 was summoned home the latter part of September, 
 to attend the funeral of her little nephew, G. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW YORK. 
 
 New Haven, Feh. 24, 1805. 
 
 My Dear Sophia : — Your letters are in some 
 measure a solace for your absence, which, were it 
 not that I think your health and happiness will be 
 increased thereby, would be almost insupportable. 
 But with spring, I hope we shall see you, and I will 
 endeavor to wait with patience till that happy pe- 
 riod arrives. 
 
 Wednesday evening, Emilia and myself attended 
 the assembly. Among other great characters Mr. 
 
 was there. He has just returned from a trip 
 
 across the Atlantic, — has visited London and Pa- 
 ris, — seen Napoleon, Josephine, and all the imperial 
 family. He was present at Moreau's trial, &c., 
 and has now returned to illuminate our Western 
 hemisphere. I discover no alteration in him but 
 an increase of importance. 
 
 Inconsistent as some of these things appear with 
 a serious state of mind, a few circumstances which 
 are remembered, induce the opinion that she at 
 times experienced much anxiety on the great sub- 
 ject of personal religion.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 13 
 
 Early in the year 1805, the Holy Spirit again 
 awakened her conscience. Her convictions of sin 
 were deep and pungent ; and for several months 
 her way was through deep waters. The next year 
 the Rev. Moses Stuart was settled over the congre- 
 gation to which her parents belonged. Under the 
 clear and lucid exhibitions of divine truth, which 
 distinguished the preaching of this gentleman, her 
 mind became calm and decided ; and she obtained 
 such evidence of her adoption into the family of the 
 Savior, that she united with his church, August 3d, 
 1806. 
 
 From this period a desire to render herself use- 
 ful to her fellow beings, — to discharge duty, under 
 all circumstances, and to maintain war with all 
 known sin, appeared to be the fixed purpose of her 
 heart. She realized deeply the extreme selfishness 
 of the human heart, even after conversion, and the 
 consequent necessity of examining her motives, 
 lest some latent selfishness had influenced her 
 mind in actions which appeared disinterested. 
 The subjoined is the substance of conversations 
 with a friend. When I am unable to discover duty 
 between two things, one of which I must choose, I 
 examine my heart, and if I even discover to which 
 I am most inclined, 1 endeavor to choose the other, 
 as most crossing to the flesh : for the selfishness of 
 the heart is such, it would probably induce us to 
 2
 
 14 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 consider that the highest duty, which was least 
 self-denying to perform. 
 
 At another time, in company with some members 
 of the church to which she belonged, one observed, 
 that it was easy enough in most cases to know 
 duty, but her trial was, an unwillingness to perform 
 it when known. After a moment's pause, Mary 
 replied, I cannot say with truth, that is my trial. I 
 am willing to do duty, when I know what it is, but 
 sometimes my way appears hedged up entirely. 
 In conversation with a friend afterwards, she re- 
 marked, I should not dare act contrary to known 
 duty, even if conscience was out of the question ; 
 for God will never suffer such disobedience to pass 
 with impunity. He can give us the desire of our 
 eyes, and make it a source of the deepest sorrow, — > 
 creature good, is just wiiat he makes it, and no 
 more. 
 
 Speech, she once observed, is considered a great 
 blessing : but when I observe how few persons ap- 
 pear to reflect upon what they are saying, or their 
 accountability for the use of speech, at times it ap- 
 pears to me, as if it could hardly be considered a 
 blessing. In this respect she was very exemplaiy ; 
 and the fear of offending with her tongue, proba- 
 bly occasioned a degree of taciturnity in her later 
 years, which was not observable in her youth. It 
 can hardly be remembered, that she spoke of the
 
 MKMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 15 
 
 sins or foibles of any one in mixed company, unless 
 circumstances rendered it obviously her duty ; and 
 rarely indeed even to confidential friends. 
 
 From the hospitality, and social disposition of her 
 father, a large family connection, and the general 
 gayety prevailing in New Haven, she was neces- 
 sitated to see much company ; but this was not her 
 choice, and her visits were generally confined to 
 the family circle. Her calls were on relatives, 
 christian friends, the sick, and the aged, and on stran- 
 gers from different parts of the United States, who 
 resorted to New Haven in the season of summer, 
 and from whom she, or some member of her fa- 
 ther's family, had received acts of kindness. Such 
 calls she considered debts. Watching with the 
 sick, particularly in seasons of prevailing disease* 
 she supposed her special duty ; in discharge of 
 which she was not deterred by the contagious na- 
 ture of the malady, or the general mortality around 
 her. 
 
 She partook of no amusement which did not 
 serve to invigorate her system, or improve her 
 mind. Her favorite recreation, was long walks 
 with a few friends, in the beautiful and picturesque 
 suburbs of N. H. ; along by the margin of its riv- 
 ers, or climbing its mountain sides, and surveying 
 the lovely landscape which stretched beneath her ; 
 or walking by herself, or a few friends in the new
 
 16 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 burying ground, then a favorite resort for the citi- 
 zens of New Haven. 
 
 EXTKACTS FROM HER JOURNAL AND LETTERS. 
 
 June 14, 1808. Returned from Killingworth to- 
 day, — met with pleasant company in the stage, and 
 through the goodness of God, found my dear father 
 and all the beloved family in good health. 
 
 Thursday, 16. Spent the evening at aunt L's, with 
 a large party, — did not enjoy it. Indeed company 
 seldom affords me any enjoyment. If happy, my 
 own reflections are my best companions ; if unhappy, 
 I dare not seek relief in dissipation. Blessed be God 
 for granting me the privilege of seeking his favor and 
 support, and imploring his guide and protection. 
 
 July 2. After a violent thunder-storm the even- 
 ing is serene and beautiful. The moon, the stars, 
 and indeed the whole face of heaven, present such a 
 picture as the Psalmist was probably contemplating, 
 when he exclaimed : The heavens declare the glory 
 of God, and the firmament slioweth his handy work. 
 
 July 9. My constant relapses into sin give me 
 just reason to fear I have never entered the strait 
 gate ; but thou, Lord, knowest. O ! grant me the 
 restraining influences of thy grace. 
 
 July 15. This evening I have attended a con- 
 ference at Mr. D's. I left home with a beating 
 heart and agitated mind, but returned tranquil and
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 17 
 
 composed, — surely God is all goodness. N. H. is 
 in a state of alarm, two men having died with yel- 
 low fever within a few days. May God preserve 
 us from the pestilence that walketh in darkness, and 
 the destruction that wasteth at noon-day. 
 
 Aug. 1 . This morning I visited my grandmother 
 M , and after that rambled in the new bury- 
 ing ground until noon. There I saw the memorials 
 of many I formerly knew, and walked over the dust 
 of those with whom I once conversed, and beheld, 
 like myself, pursuing the bubble of earthly enjoy- 
 ment, — little foreseeing it would burst as we grasped 
 it, — still less considering the importance of securing 
 the joys of religion. Together we devoted our 
 time to the trifles of the passing hour, and eagerly 
 caught at the vain pleasures of youth, — deceived, and 
 deceiving one another. Like leaves in autumn, 
 they have fallen from my side one by one, and I am 
 left to remember, "once they were, and were 
 most dear." God grant that when my change comes, 
 I may be enabled by his grace, to meet it with the 
 resignation and faith of a christian. 
 
 The individual mentioned here, was the late Mrs. 
 Deborah Mansfield of N. H. In her character were 
 united great energy and decision, with ardent and 
 active piety. With her Mary passed many profit- 
 able and pleasant hours ; receiving from her such 
 2*
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON, 
 
 religious consolation and instruction, as her great 
 experience in divine things enabled her to impart.* 
 
 Aug. 5. This evening I quitted company, and 
 retired to weep and pray, for the consolations of the 
 Comforter ; and this sweet exercise has not been 
 altogether in vain. O ! I know the cause of this 
 distress, — ^had I no sin I should feel no unhappiness. 
 
 Aug. 12. To-day has been a day of trial. Mr. 
 Stuart has been conversing with my sisters, on the 
 subject of their making a public profession of re- 
 ligion. My heart knew, how to sympathize with 
 them, remembering my own sensations on passing 
 through that solemn but happy transaction. 
 
 Aug. 20. To-day has been a busy, and fatiguing 
 day ; but considering the fallen state of man, con- 
 stant employment is no misfortune. It has doubt- 
 less prevented much sin, and is only an evil, when 
 it excites so much care, as to retard our spiritual 
 progress. 
 
 Sept. 23. My grandmother Lyon has received 
 a paralytic shock, and her life is in imminent danger. 
 
 * This venerable matron once observed, to a large cir- 
 cle of her descendants, as follows, " I cannot adopt the 
 language which Jacob used, when he was brought be- 
 fore Pharaoh ; ' Few, and evil have the days of the 
 years of my life been, «&c.' for I have reached a great 
 age, greater than that of my fathers, and have received 
 a multitude of good things, from the hand of my heav- 
 enly Benefactor."
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 19 
 
 I visited her this morning, and shall watch with her 
 to-night. 
 
 Nov. 4. This evening my mind has been distur- 
 bed, and agitated with those dreadful feelings, which 
 once tortured me almost without intermission, for a 
 long period. My God only knows what is best for 
 me. I desire to submit with patience to his bless- 
 ed will, and to feel, that these mental sufferings are 
 the effects of indwelling sin. 
 
 Nov. 7. This evening, I am afraid, my spirits 
 were too high to be innocent. I wish to be serious, 
 as ^vell as cheerful. 
 
 Nov. 10. This morning was a morning of trial, 
 how I went through it I am unable to determine ; 
 but hope I passed through it without sinning : if 
 not, I pray God to forgive me, and grant me a great- 
 er measure of wisdom to discern duty another time, 
 and grace to perform it. 
 
 Nov. 20. " The heart is deceitful above all 
 things, and desperately wicked." Strange, that any 
 one can expect a holy God to save such sinful pol- 
 luted creatures, as mankind evidently are, without 
 the intercessions of a Savior, and the sanctifying 
 influences of the Holy Spirit. 
 
 Dec. 2. This evening my father read a descrip- 
 tion of the opulence and splendor of ancient Athens. 
 But alas ! it wanted that " one thing needful," and 
 without this, all its advantages are of small impor- 
 
 '^
 
 20 MEMOIRSOPMARYLYON. 
 
 tance, in the eye of a christian. Its glories are now 
 buried in the dust, its lofty temples destroyed, and 
 the miserable beings who once worshipped within 
 its walls, are now inhabitants of tl\e eternal world. 
 
 Dec. 10. O ! that I lived more to the glory of 
 my Redeemer. His cross has purchased all our 
 mercies, both for time and eternity, — his sufferings 
 have laid a foundation for our happiness, — his hu- 
 miliation has prepared a way to our glorification in 
 heaven : and the only conditions he requires of us 
 are, to repent of, and forsake sin, to believe the 
 gospel, and acknowledge him our Savior. 
 
 Dec. 21 . I have spent this afternoon at Mr. B's, 
 with my mother, sisters, and a number of family 
 connections. Our hearts were pained reflecting on 
 former times, when my dear aunt was alive to wel- 
 come us. But I trust she has better companions, 
 and better employments than she had while with us ; 
 and that she is now singing the praises of redeeming 
 love, in the mansions of the blessed. 
 
 Dec. 22. I wish I could always feel as I ought ; 
 then the trifling chagrin, and disappointments of 
 this life, would pass unnoticed. O ! how I long to 
 feel that indifference for the concerns of this world, 
 which results from having our treasure, and our 
 hearts in heaven. 
 
 Dec. 26. A dreadful suicide has marked this 
 day with gloom and horror. Strange that the aw-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MAR Y LYO N. 21 
 
 fill act of self-murder should be added to the crimes 
 and calamities of human nature. Our happiness, 
 as well as our duty, require of us entire submission 
 to the divine will : for how can a dependent being 
 enjoy peace, without feehng a willingness that the 
 blessed Jehovah should overrule all his concerns. 
 
 Jan. 1, 1809. The text to-day was, " Prepare 
 to meet thy God." How many of us may need 
 this preparation, before the year expires. Grant, 
 blessed Savior, that I may possess this preparation, 
 and through thy atonement be received into eternal 
 rest. 
 
 Jan. 5. This evening I have been very melan- 
 choly, — O ! that I could be assured of the favor of 
 God, then these misgivings would cease, and my 
 trembling soul would be at rest. Time rolls ra])idiy 
 along, and I make little or no progress in the chris- 
 tian race, — surely no person ever had so many bad 
 passions with which to contend, or found so httle 
 encouragement in struggling with inward sin. 
 
 Jan. 30. Yesterday S. and E. were admitted 
 into the visible church of Christ. May God give 
 us all grace, to fulfil our covenant obligations, 
 Mercy surrounds me. If I lived answerably to ben- 
 efits received, my whole life would be filled up'with 
 acts of obedience, and songs of praise and thanks- 
 giving. 
 
 Feb. 4. To-day winter rages in all its fury.
 
 22 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 
 
 Seldom in this latitude, do we experience such in- 
 tense cold ; but blessed be God we are provided 
 with all necessary comforts, and possess the means 
 of assisting others. I have been strongly reminded 
 of Thompson's description of a winter night, and 
 the man perishing in the snow. How many of the 
 unhappy poor are now neglected and forgotten, by 
 the sons and daughters of wealth, who are pursu- 
 ing their selfish pleasures, unmindful of the mise- 
 ries of their fellow beings, and wholly regardless of 
 Him who has caused them to differ. 
 
 Feb. 15. A sense of past sin destroys my peace ! 
 O ! that my soul was washed in the blood of the 
 Lamb, that " cleanseth from all sin :" and clothed 
 in the white robe of the Redeemer's righteousness. 
 
 This afternoon I have attended the annual meet- 
 ing of the female charitable society. Though my 
 spirits were depressed, I felt happy in hearing how 
 many daughters of poverty had been relieved by 
 their exertions ; and to see the charity children en- 
 ter the room, comfortably clothed, and apparently 
 grateful to their benefactresses. 
 " Feb. 25. Winter still continues with severity : 
 but those who possess the com^rts of life should 
 forbftar complaint : and rejoice i\ the goodness of 
 God ; and be ready to communicate to their indi- 
 gent neighbors. The night is dark and gloomy. 
 But how much more gloomy must it appear to those,
 
 - M E M I R S OP M A R Y L Y O N , 23 
 
 under mental darkness, and whose spirits are wound- 
 ed. Grant all such, blessed God, the consolations 
 of thy Holy Spirit. 
 
 March 16. How fast the seasons roll away, and 
 with them the lamp of life is fast wasting. Shortly 
 it will burn more and more dimly, and finally be 
 extinguished by the hand of death. How difficult 
 I find it to remember, amidst the bustle of life, that 
 I must indeed die. 
 
 TO MISS SUS^N MANSFIELD, KILLINGWORTH. 
 
 New Haven, March 17, 1809. 
 In this state of being where there is much to suf- 
 fer, more to perform, and something to enjoy, I 
 know of nothing that has so great a tendency, (I 
 mean of a temporal nature,) to soothe our sorrows, 
 encourage us in the discharge of duty, and enhance 
 our enjoyments, as the sw^eets of friendship. From 
 habit and principle, I have been for some time past, 
 a stranger to dissipation, and averse to public amuse- 
 ments : but I esteem conversation, society, and the 
 enjoyments arising from friendship, among our 
 greatest temporal blessings. When friendship is 
 based upon christian principles, and cemented by a 
 similarity of sentiments and feelings, it will continue, 
 not only while this brief hfe is spending, but un- 
 doubtedly through the ages of eternity. And there, 
 whatever is wanting, or imperfect here, will be done
 
 24 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 away ; and the remains of sin and error, which 
 annoy eveiy connection on earth, will be no more. 
 Such I trust dear S. will be ours. Circumstances 
 may separate us ; but let us never forget we are 
 both traveling the same road, — have the same work 
 to perform, — and are bound to the same country. 
 May the Father of spirits preserve us, and those 
 we love, from sin and danger ; and reunite us in 
 that world, where the children of God will be made 
 pillars in his holy temple, and go no more out forever. 
 New Haven remains much as when you left us. 
 The attention to religion has not ceased, but I fear 
 declining. How unhappy it is my dear S. that 
 where an uncommon regard is paid to the " one 
 thing needful," there should also be an uncommon 
 zeal exerted in defending or opposing things, ac- 
 knowledged not essential to salvation, or not clearly 
 revealed ; of course no human powers can estab- 
 lish, or overthrow them. Humility teaches her 
 children to leave deep things with God ; and Chris- 
 tianity bids her followers embrace all as brethren, 
 who bear (not the name only) but in reality, the 
 image of Christ ; whether they are of Paul, or 
 Apollos, or Cephas. The disciples of Jesus should 
 " put on charily, which is the bond of perfectness,'* 
 and exercise that spirit of love, meekness, gentle- 
 ness, and long-suffenng, which dwell without mea- 
 sure in the bosom of our blessed Kedeemer. Then
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 25 
 
 distrust and jealousy would give place to confidence 
 and love ; and all would strive " to keep the unity 
 of the spirit in the bond of peace." 
 
 Perhaps, perfect uniformity of opinion, ought not 
 to be expected, in the present state of the church. 
 Some degree of ignorance, of error, and even of 
 prejudice remains in the hearts of the most enlight- 
 ened and sanctified christians now on earth : but 
 when the glorious period of the millenium arrives, 
 then darkness will flee away before the Sun of right- 
 eousness, and all shall know the truth as it is in 
 Jesus. 
 
 TO THE SAME. 
 
 March 2lst. 
 
 It is difficult to keep the narrrow path, between 
 uncharitable bigotry, on the one hand, and what the 
 world calls liberality, on the other. It is difficult 
 to manifest our abhorrence, for the sins of our fellow 
 beings, in such a way as to convince them, it is 
 their sins we abhor, while we love their persons. 
 
 Nothing short of divine illumination, can make 
 this, or any other duty clear and plain. To com- 
 pare spiritual things with natural : the path of duty 
 sometimes appears like a distinct road, over an open 
 common, with the rays of the meridian sun shining 
 full upon it. Suddenly, the pathway becomes per- 
 plexed, runs through a dark wilderness, with scarcely 
 one cheering beam to guide my footsteps. 
 3
 
 26 M E M I R S F M A R y L Y N . 
 
 Our grandmother retains her mental and bodily 
 powers, to a surprising degree ; and is still, not- 
 withstanding her great age, a real blessing to her 
 posterity. 
 
 March 25. How kind and gracious is the Lord 
 to me, and mine ; what constant demands on my 
 gratitude and love, — what constant obligations to 
 obey the God of my salvation. He is the source 
 of all my enjoyments, — the fountain of all my com- 
 fort, — the being in whose favor all earthly happiness 
 consists, — without his presence even heaven itself 
 would yield no joy. 
 
 March 31. To-day is the Einnusl fast. Our na- 
 tional sins are indeed great, and demand a national 
 repentance, — but every christian will feel most con- 
 cerned to repent of, and reform what he finds sin- 
 ful in his own heart. Would that I felt more the 
 spirit of my Redeemer. I long to be more gentle, 
 more forgiving, and more patient. 
 
 April 27. To-day my feelings have received a 
 shock in hearing the death of poor E. How mys- 
 terious are the ways of providence ! how strange 
 that one of exemplary virtue and unaffected piety, 
 should be so far given up to despair as to destroy 
 his own life. Surely nothing but sovereign mercy 
 causes me to differ. I am still in the flesh, and 
 may be exposed to the same temptation. " Save 
 Lord or I perish."
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 27 
 
 April 29. Wherever I go the unhappy death of 
 E. is still present to my mind. This melancholy 
 event has disturbed my feelings to a great degree, 
 and ahnost shook my faith in the superintending 
 providence of God. But perplexing as this dread- 
 ful event is, it is the province of mortals to be hum- 
 ble. 
 
 May 1. We are all in affliction in consequence 
 of the alarming state of my mother's health. I 
 strive to compose my mind by thinking we are in 
 the hands of a merciful God, who will do what is 
 right. 
 
 May 2. Sorrow weighs down my heart, and in- 
 duces me to murmur. O ! keep me from sin, thou 
 great disposer of all things. 
 
 May 6. My mind is more composed, — hope I 
 shall not be called to pass through the same trials 
 again ; but if I am, I pray that I may be kept from 
 sinning, and that will be sufficient. My dear mother 
 is restored to customary health. 
 
 May 24. To-day New Haven has experienced 
 a slight shock of an earthquake, which occasioned 
 some alarm. But blessed be God, the elements 
 are at his disposal, and obey his voice. 
 
 May 27. I find grace so weak (if I have any.) 
 and corruption so strong, that when I " would do 
 good evil is present with me." Last night and to- 
 day I liave experienced a struggle in bringing my
 
 28 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 proud heart to forgive an injury I received last eve- 
 ning. But I hope by exertion and prayer, through 
 divine grace, I have gotten the victory, and that no 
 resentment remains in my bosom, to disturb my 
 peace. If I were truly humble I should not be so 
 easily wounded, and be more willing to forgive. 
 O ! how much there is still in my temper to reform 
 and subdue, — so much, that I sometimes think the 
 work is scarcely begun. 
 
 June 8. Spent an agreeable afternoon at aunt 
 L's, with a number of friends I value highly, — I 
 wish I deserved their esteem more. O ! how kind 
 is the blessed God to me ; and surely if I love any 
 thing, if I know what love is, I do sometimes love 
 my Maker. The example of the world is indeed a 
 dangerous guide ; and those who conform to its 
 opinions, its maxims, and its customs are indeed 
 following a blind leader, that will conduct them to 
 the pit. 
 
 June 26. This evening I heard some letters 
 read, written by the unfortunate E., a few days 
 beibre he committed the dreadful deed. They 
 were very little, if at all, marked with gloom, and 
 this circumstance induces me to think his mental 
 disease was sudden and his death not premeditated. 
 
 July 4. To-morrow I expect to leave home for 
 several weeks, I pray that God would protect me 
 from sickness and danger, but especially from sin.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 29 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 KilUngworih, July 10, 1809. 
 
 My Dear Sophia : — I have been here five days ; 
 were I to judge by my feehngs, I should imagine it 
 five weeks. Not that my time passes unpleasant- 
 ly ; but we are so seldom separated even for a day, 
 I might almost say an hour, that I am inclined to 
 think the constant society of my sisters, necessary 
 to my happiness. Perhaps it is best for friends, 
 sometimes to be absent from each other. The 
 present state of mankind is such, that we are con- 
 tinually exposed to changes ; and few families re- 
 main in the same situation, for any considerable 
 length of time. If we suffer ourselves to be de- 
 jected at trifling alterations, what shall we do when 
 great trials come ? I have frequently thought we 
 were in this respect, rather unhappy. Our days 
 glide on in such an even tenor, that any little vari- 
 ation in external circumstances, depress our spirits. 
 
 We received a letter from Susan, (now Mrs. 
 Huntington,) on Saturday. She wrote us, she had 
 passed through a variety of scenes, sufficient to 
 make a wiser head than hers dizzy. I can readily 
 believe her. Such a contrast to the retired life, to 
 which she has been accustomed in K., must, for a 
 while at least, have a tendency to unsettle her mind. 
 But habit can do any thing, and after a short trial, 
 3*
 
 30 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 the court of St. James, and the wilds of America 
 are about the same. Neither happiness, or misery, 
 is excluded from any place. There is an avenue 
 to every situation on earth, through which both can 
 enter. The part of wisdom is to search out, and 
 enjoy with gratitude the blessings of our lot, and 
 bear v/ith patience and humility, its unavoidable evils. 
 
 July 2\st. 
 The above has been v>a'itten sometime as you 
 will perceive by the date, but as I have nothing 
 better I shall send this. My brain is not very pro- 
 lific to-night, of course I should not be veiy en- 
 tertaining ; and Killingworth furnishes little mat- 
 ter for amusement. You must take this, with the 
 liberty that is given to editors of newspapers, by 
 their correspondents, to accept or reject as they 
 think proper ; and with this license you cannot 
 complain. Killingworth, as it respects corporeal 
 health, is a second Montpelier, but in point of men- 
 tal disease, is more like Bedlam. A man and his 
 wife were both seized with distraction a few days 
 before my arrival, and since, a third person has 
 been reduced to the same situation ; but all are 
 now better, and will probably recover. This vil- 
 lage is certainly peculiar in this respect, and I do 
 not know but I am among the crazy ones myself, 
 to sit writing away here, when it is almost eleven 
 o'clock.
 
 M E M O I R S O F M A R Y L Y O N . 31 
 
 Aug. 31. After an absence of eight weeks, God 
 has kindly restored me to my paternal roof, and 
 the bosom of my family. I have experienced his 
 love and mercy a thousand ways. I have been 
 sorrowful, and He has comforted me, — I have been 
 sick, and He has healed me, — I have sinned, and 
 He has been patient, and forborne to cut me off. 
 What returns can I make for all this undeserved 
 bounty. Alas ! when my heart ought to break 
 with penitence for sin, and gratitude for mercies, 
 my affections are cold, and the trifles of this world 
 drav/ my thoughts from the blessed Giver of all 
 good, in whom alone dwell happiness and safety. 
 
 Sept. 4. Heard a sermon this evening on justi- 
 fication by faith. Surely, if any subject is worthy 
 the attention of the sinner, it is this, salvation by grace 
 through faith in Jesus Christ. I find since my return 
 home many things to engage my attention. The du- 
 ties of my station call for much of my time. Company 
 also demands a portion of every day and evening. 
 I do not live as I wish. It is most difficult to keep 
 a sense of religion on the mind, when oppressed 
 with earthly cares, and surrounded with company. 
 
 Sept. 15. The hurry and bustle of Commence- 
 ment is nearly over, and N. H. begins to wear its 
 usual appearance. My dear cousin Susan spent 
 the week with us, and left us to-day for K. ; and 
 next month removes to Boston, to spend the re-
 
 32 M E M I R S O r Ivl A R y L Y N . 
 
 mainder of her days. The pain of parting was in 
 some degree alleviated, by the persuasion that she 
 enjoys the protection of God, and that I also (as I 
 hope) am an object of his care. If we meet in 
 heaven, it matters not in what place we spend the 
 time of our probation. 
 
 Saturday, Sept. 16. The peaceful hours of the 
 sabbath are drawing nigh. How ought the heart 
 of the christian to rejoice on the approach of this 
 day ; and remember, with never dying gratitude, 
 the resurrection of the blessed Redeemer, and as 
 the sure consequence of that, his own emancipation 
 from the grave. 
 
 Miss Lyon, when at home, was in the habit of 
 spending the sabbath in her room, except during 
 her necessary attendance at meals, or when the 
 weather was uncommonly severe. Unnecessary 
 worldly conversation on that day, was painful to 
 her tender and enlightened conscience. She grieved 
 at the departure from the habits of the Pilgrim Fa- 
 thers, respecting the sanctification of the sabbath, 
 which she witnessed in her native state. Kind and 
 obliging to relatives and friends at other times, yet 
 she would not leave her room to see them on the 
 sabbath, unless their errand was of such a nature it 
 could not with propriety be postponed till the sabbath 
 was closed. She considered a seventh part of the
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 33 
 
 time, as claimed by the Lord of the sabbath, for his 
 more immediate worship : and as respected his in- 
 telligent creatures, she regarded it not merely as a 
 duty thus to employ it, but a high privilege. 
 
 Perhaps it might be said, under the guidance of 
 the Holy Spirit, that her eminent attainments in 
 religion, might be principally ascribed to her strict 
 observance of the sabbath, as a season for medita- 
 tion, self-examination, and prayer. 
 
 Sept. 17. My mind has been distressed to-night, 
 respecting the uncertainty of my state before God, 
 and during the sermon, my feehngs were almost in- 
 supportable. I fear, I have been impatient. If I 
 lived nearer to God, I should not feel these dreadful 
 misgivings. 
 
 Sept. 20. This evening I have been to aunt 
 Cook's with a family party, to hear some tunes on 
 the organ. But I felt no disposition to join in the 
 amusement, and returned home very early. 
 
 Oct. 7. Tliis is my birth-day, and my God only 
 knows if I shall Hve to see another. My times are 
 in his hands, my life is continued by his appoint- 
 ments, and I can safely trust all things to his dispo- 
 sal. The blessed Savior has opened a door of hope 
 to sinners, through which they may enter into glory. 
 With such glorious encouragements, how strange 
 that any should despair ; and with such motives to
 
 34 M E M O I R S F M A R Y L Y O N . 
 
 seek a refuge in the rock of ages, how strange that 
 any should remain careless and indifferent. And 
 yet my own heart is stupid, and my affections cold. 
 
 Oct. 25. I have retired to my chamber for the 
 night, but with my mind so discomposed, I hardly 
 expect to sleep. O ! how distressed I have been 
 to-day. I have wept and prayed, — prayed and 
 wept, and have almost thought that my reason would 
 entirely leave me. Blessed God, grant me submis- 
 sion to thy will in all things, and proportion my 
 strength to my trials. 
 
 Oct. 28. My spirits have become more tran- 
 quil, and the gloom and agitations of my mind, have 
 in a great degree subsided, and peace is once more 
 returning to my bosom. Happy should I be, if in 
 seasons of trouble, I could feel perfect confidence 
 in God, and commit myself, and all my concerns 
 into his hands, with a perfect willingness to be dis- 
 posed of according to his plan, and a practical as- 
 surance, that all he does is best. This would be a 
 blessed state of mind ; but I believe few ever attained 
 it in perfection. There arc many trials of such 
 a nature, that we can hardly know the path of 
 duty ; and when we find ourselves in this state of 
 darkness, we are prone to think the Lord has hid 
 his light from us, and this for the time destroys our 
 rehance on divine instruction. 
 
 Oct. 30. Autumn begins to wear a gloomy as-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MAR Y LYON. 35 
 
 pect, and the face of nature appears decayed and 
 withered. Like old age the features still remain, 
 but bloonm and beauty are entirely gone. My faith 
 and patience have many trials : but I am also 
 made partaker of innumerable mercies. The long- 
 suffering of God still continues my life, and preserves 
 my health. My hours of sorrow are fewer than I 
 deserve ; and I have no cause of complaint, but 
 that I am so unmindful of God's goodness, and so 
 impatient under the pressure of afflictions. 
 
 Nov. 5. What a state of doubt I live in, re- 
 specting my real character before God, — tossed 
 about, not knowing where to fix, or what conclu- 
 sion to form of myself. Christ is wisdom, right- 
 eousness, sanctification, and redemption to believers. 
 Wisdom in enlightening their minds, — righteousness 
 in justifying them before God, — sanctification in 
 purifying their lives, and redemption in receiving 
 them to glory. 
 
 Nov. 22. How really lovely is the character of 
 a christian. What is the praise of man, — the es- 
 teem, friendship, and good opinion of all our fellow 
 sinners, compared to the joy of thinking, for one mo- 
 menu that we possess the favor of God 1 O ! did 
 I possess this blessed assurance, I think I could 
 cheerfully resign the enjoyments of the world, re- 
 sist its allurements, hate its corruptions, and defy its 
 sorrows.
 
 3@ MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 Dec. 3. To-day is communion. How strange, 
 that so sinful as I know myself to be, on an occa- 
 sion like this, so calculated to move the affections, 
 I should find myself so insensible. If my heart 
 was really stone, it could not, I think, be more cold 
 and stupid. If I feel for a moment as I wish, 
 it is like the gleaming of a meteor instantly gone, 
 and leaves me where it found me. While sitting 
 at the table of the compassionate Jesus, I find un- 
 belief, vanity, and carelessness my bosom compan- 
 ions. Even impious thoughts dare force themselves 
 into my mind, even when my lips taste the sacred 
 symbols. O ! it is indeed only the mighty power 
 of God, that can deliver me from this body of sin, 
 and death. 
 
 Dec. 14. Spent this evening at aunt L's, with 
 a large party of friends. For a while I enjoyed 
 their conversation, yet experience convinces me 
 that much company is injurious. I generally re- 
 turn languid, and sometimes melancholy. To-night 
 I feel a weight on my spirits. I fear that I have 
 acted improperly ; and instead of adorning the doc- 
 trine of God my Savior, I have dishonored my 
 christian profession, by idle words, and foolish jest- 
 ing. The Lord pardon the sins of this day, and 
 of my whole life, for Jesus Christ's sake ; to whom 
 be glory forever, amen ! 
 
 Dec. 27. The God of the seasons has seen fit
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 37 
 
 to visit US to-day, with a most tremendous storm of 
 snow, hail, wind, and rain. Tliis evening it is dread- 
 ful ; may the Lord preserve all those who are expo- 
 sed to the inclemency of the night. Those whom 
 Providence has supplied with the comforts of this 
 life, are especicdly obligated to glorify the blessed 
 and merciful Donor. How difficult is it to subdue 
 siniiil feelings, and sinful thoughts. I find constant 
 exertion necessaiy to struggle with impatience, indo- 
 lence, and a thousand other bosom sins, which are 
 ready every moment to break forth into outward 
 actions. But all things are possible with God ; and 
 his grace can purify, even my heart. 
 
 Jan. 1, 1810. How rapidly time rolls on, — 
 how short the last year, — so short I hardly know 
 what has become of it, or how employed. This I 
 know ; it has been marked with innumerable mer- 
 cies from God, and on my part sins without number. 
 It is by free grace, and free grace alone, that I con- 
 tinue until now. 
 
 Jan. 10. Yesterday the connection between 
 Mr. Stuart and his people was dissolved, and we 
 are now without a pastor. My heart feels this 
 event to be a cross, but I endeavor to submit 
 with composure and resignation. This event has 
 cast a gloom over the church, who feel like sheep 
 without a shepherd. But the great Shepherd of Is- 
 rael will be our protector, if we confide in his mercy.
 
 38 M E M O I R S F M A R Y L Y O N . 
 
 It is the prerogative of the blessed God to be omni- 
 present, and he will remain, and provide for this and 
 other parts of his Zion. 
 
 Jan. 11. To-day I have spent at home calmly, 
 but 1 believe not profitably ; for I have wasted some 
 time in idleness, and I know idleness to be a great 
 sin. How blessed are those, whose hearts are re- 
 newed by the Holy Spirit, and sanctified by grace. 
 No event appears to them accidental ; but they re- 
 gard all things as under the immediate direction of 
 God. Sickness, they consider as designed for their 
 good, and death as the entrance into a state of safety. 
 The great day of accounts, they anticipate, as the 
 time when God's justice will be vindicated and ac- 
 knowledged by an assembled world. 
 
 Feb. 13. This evening attended the church 
 meeting. The condition of the Africans was brought 
 forward for consideration. They are sinfully neg- 
 lected, in a country professedly christian, and are 
 ignorant, to a great degree, of the first principles of 
 religion, and the nature of the gospel. 
 
 This evening my spirits are depressed, not re- 
 specting any thing immediately connected with my- 
 self, but the miseries of humanity. What a dread- 
 ful evil is sin, when it produces such sorrow and 
 remorse as I have felt and witnessed. God is good, 
 and it is man alone that refuses to be happy, by con- 
 tinuing in sin, and rejecting the Savior.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 39 
 
 Feb. ] 8. Why do I so often go mourning all 
 the day long, and pray in vain for an aUding hope ? 
 Were I comfortably assured of ray good estate, I 
 think, I could go forward with every duty, and de- 
 fy all opposition. Now I am afraid to rejoice, lest 
 it should be presumption, — afraid to give up my 
 hope, lest it should be ingratitude, — afraid to rebuke 
 sin, lest I should incur the condemnation of the 
 hypocrite, — afraid to direct and guide others, lest I 
 should prove a " blind leader of the blind." O ! save 
 me, blessed God, and assist me to do thy will. En- 
 hghten my mind, to discern the true path of duty, 
 and give me grace to pursue it. Help me to do 
 something for the good of others, and let me do 
 nothing displeasing to thee. 
 
 Feb. 26. This morning I had a slight turn of 
 raising blood, which would have a natural tendency 
 to agitate the mind, yet the blessed God has grant- 
 ed me a calm and peaceful day. If the dealings of 
 the Almighty produce a right effect on my heart, it 
 is of little consequence whether they are joyous or 
 grievous — all is right. There are many things in 
 the christian scheme of salvation, that cannot be 
 fully comprehended by finite minds ; but were it oth- 
 erwise, where would be room for the exercise of 
 faith ? If all were clear, where would be the chris- 
 tian graces of trust and confidence in God ? 
 
 March 24. I wish I could always do just right,
 
 40 M E M O I R S O F M A R Y L Y N , 
 
 and escape censure. But this seems impossible. 
 I find I am often blamed for doing what I think right, 
 and as often pass without censure when it is deserv- 
 ed. This consideration ought to render me very- 
 humble, and very patient. I have many trials, and 
 many temptations ; but if I knew I acted under 
 them all like a christian, should rest satisfied. Far 
 from being humble, I fear I am impatient, when 
 called to take up the cross : yet how I pray for wis- 
 dom to discern the path of duty, and grace to pur- 
 sue it. 
 
 Miss Lyon considered admonition to the impen- 
 itent, one branch of christian duty ; and that she 
 was bound by her church covenant, to watch over 
 its members, and warn them with meekness and 
 fidelity, when they were indulging in practices that 
 might have a tendency to wound the cause of Zion. 
 Her efforts of this kind, were not always well re- 
 ceived : and others, whose rehgious attainments 
 were inferior to hers, could not comprehend or ap- 
 preciate the weighty considerations which pressed 
 upon her conscience, and therefore supposed her 
 advice officious, and that she was overstepping the 
 path of duty. She probably alluded to something 
 of this kind in the above paragraph.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LY ON, 41 
 
 Sabbath morn, April 15. Last Wednesday we 
 heard the death of a friend. The agitation of my 
 mind was so great, that my health for two days 
 suffered materially ; but feel more composed this 
 morning, and hope this holy day will prove a season 
 of good things to my soul. What a happy state of 
 mind, is a firm practical belief in a superintending 
 providence, and through faith, to resign ourselves, 
 and all our concerns, into the hands of the blessed 
 God, to be disposed of as he thinks best. Could I 
 always feel thus, I should not experience so many 
 dark hours, and so often sink into gloom and de- 
 spondency under earthly trials. 
 
 April 21. I am sensible, I have not passed this 
 day without sin. I have been impatient and angry : 
 and I find also, that I am frequently deceived as to 
 the motive of my actions, and discover on reflection, 
 that they are at least doubtful. Strange that I should 
 so often fall into sin, when I think I strive and pray 
 to be delivered, not from its punishment merely, but 
 its power. The christian life is indeed a warfare, 
 and the way to heaven is narrow, and my path is 
 through much tribulation ; for sin and sorrow con- 
 stantly pursue me, and have I any certainty that my 
 peace is made with God ? 
 
 April 27. I have passed a more tranquil day. 
 I believe the cause of this peace is, that those around 
 4*
 
 42 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 me are rather happier than they were.* I find my- 
 self more strongly operated upon by sympathy than 
 I wish, for I hardly know what my own feelings are. 
 I pray God, in his own good time, to dispel these 
 clouds that hang over us. 
 
 April 30. Through the mercy of God, 1 have 
 this day been made partaker of many blessings ; 
 and peace appears to be once more returning to my 
 bosom. I have been cheerful, tranquil, and even 
 happy. One thing I knov/, I am not humble, as I 
 ought to be, in seasons of trouble, and feel not that 
 gratitude which is due the blessed God in days of 
 sunshine and peace. The sin that so easily besets 
 me has not prevailed as much as usual to-day. But 
 if I find one sin in the least subdued, it must be en- 
 tirely ascribed to the grace of God, and not to my 
 own vain exertions. 
 
 May 14. This evening I have attended the nup- 
 tials of E. L. I hope the dear girl will be happy 
 in this connection, and all her friends with her. I 
 have been very busy to-day ; but have endeavored 
 to avoid sin. It is a happy state of mind, when we 
 are not slothful in business, to be also fervent in 
 spirit, and serve the Lord with zeal and fidelity. 
 
 May 20. To-day have finished reading Baxter's 
 
 ♦ Two members of the family, from different causes, 
 were in much affliction at this Lime.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 43 
 
 Saint's Rest. This excellent work deserves the 
 frequent perusal of every christian. Its directions 
 for attaining a heavenly frame of mind, are worthy 
 of trial ; and its arguments for such a course, are 
 unanswerable. May God incline my heart to medi- 
 tate on spiritual things ; tind in his own good time 
 receive me into that rest, which he has promFsed to 
 all the sincere followers of Jesus Christ. 
 
 May 25. This evening attended a conference at 
 grandmother M's. To-morrow I shall probably 
 leave home for Boston. Whether I ever return 
 my Maker only knows ; but if I am a child of his 
 by grace, all other things respecting me are of little 
 importance. If the presence and blessing of God 
 go with me, I am safe, to whatever temptations I 
 may be exposed. 
 
 May 26. Providence has seen fit to disappoint 
 me in my projected visit : but the consideration, 
 that all events are under the direction of God 
 should give perfect resignation in all circumstances. 
 This, I doubt not, has all been ordered in wisdom 
 and love. 
 
 May 28. Uncle and aunt M., of K., are here. 
 Uncle M. conducted the exercises at the confer- 
 ence this evening, but my thoughts, like the fool's 
 eyes, wandered to the ends of the earth. I do not 
 feel perfectly satisfied with myself, either respect- 
 ing external circumstances, or internal feelings.
 
 44 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 Discontent, unwillingness to submit to cross events, 
 and a sense of having acted without a due re- 
 gard to God, are surely sufficient to make me un- 
 easy, and of all these I am guilty. 
 
 June 2. Summer has once more returned, and 
 the face of nature is again clothed in beauty. How 
 melancholy the reflection, that amidst all the love- 
 liness of the natural world, the moral should be so 
 deformed by sin : and nowhere do I find its deso- 
 lations so apparent as in my own heart. My own 
 sins, and the sins of others, forbid mc the enjoy- 
 ment of settled peace. 
 
 June 11. To-day I have commenced keeping 
 the African school, and have taken charge of it for 
 two weeks. I hope God will bless my feeble at- 
 tempts to do some good to my fellow mortals, and 
 that whatever I do, may be according to his will. 
 
 This school was composed of young colored 
 children, and was undertaken, it is believed, by the 
 recommendation of the late Dr. Dwight. Miss 
 Lyon, and a number of other young ladies, from 
 the most respectable families in New Haven, ten- 
 dered their services in this self-denying employ- 
 ment. Two young ladies taught the school for 
 two weeks, and were then succeeded by two 
 others. This plan was pursued for a few months ; 
 a permanent liired teacher was then procured.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 45 
 
 June 15. Passed the day at school very busily. 
 The evening is calm and beautiful beyond descrip- 
 tion. The full moon passes through the sky with 
 uncommon luster, and all nature wears the appear- 
 ance of harmony and grandeur. The works of 
 God are all perfect and lovely : but sinful man has 
 sought out many inventions. 
 
 June 18. I find my time, and my attention, very 
 much engrossed, (though not unpleasantly,) by my 
 new occupation. The concerns of this life have 
 a great tendency to draw the mind from God, even 
 its lawful and necessary business becomes a snare, 
 unless the soul struggles to repel its influence. 
 
 June 22. To-day my mind has been disturbed, 
 and my spirits depressed. This morning provoca- 
 tion made me angry, and since that, (as the sure 
 consequence,) I have felt unhappy and dissatisfied 
 with myself and all around me. I pray God to 
 pardon me, and subdue my sins by his grace. 
 
 June 23. The gloom that hung upon my spirits 
 yesterday has subsided. The mercies of God to 
 me are infinite, both as respects this world and the 
 world to come ; and the returns I make are unbe- 
 lief, hardness of heart, and sins of various kinds. 
 The mercies of God are indeed never-failing, — 
 every moment of life is a witness of his tender care 
 and long-sufTering. 
 
 July 5. This afternoon my mind has been con-
 
 46 MEMOIR SOFMARYLYOlsr. 
 
 siderably agitated, from a number of causes. I 
 firmly believe in the superintending providence of 
 God ; and yet practically I seem prone to confine" 
 his guardianship to particular places, and almost 
 feel a misi^ivincr fear that the divine care will not 
 protect me everywhere. Yet I will try to trust in 
 God. His mercy is over all his works, and I am 
 the work of his hands. If I confide in his protec 
 tion, he will preserve me ; for his promise stands 
 sure, and he is faithful to keep all those who come 
 unto him through Christ. 
 
 The above was written a few days before her 
 departure for Boston. The state of feeling it de- 
 scribes was probably subdued by prayer ; as she 
 afterwards observed to a friend in substance as fol- 
 lows : That she felt no misgiving fears respecting 
 a local change ; and did not know as she should be 
 agitated if stepping on board a ship to sail for Eu- 
 rope. That if she was safe in Christ, she was safe 
 everywhere ; but if otherwise, no place was a 
 place of safety. This absence from home, was 
 doubtless a subject of much prayer, trifling as such 
 an event might appear to the thoughtless ; for she 
 was in the practice of " sitting the Lord ever be- 
 fore her, and acknowledging him in all her ways."
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 47 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Boston, July 16, 1810. 
 We arrived here after a passage of five days. 
 On Monday we had a fine wind, and reached New- 
 port before dark. Tuesday we were becalmed, 
 the sea was rough, and the passengers very sick. 
 Wednesday the wind was contrary, and at noon 
 we went on shore at a Httle island called Nashuan. 
 At night, (a thick fog coming on,) we went on shore 
 at Old-town, or Edgar-town, east end of Martha's 
 Vineyard, where we slept. Thursday went on 
 board about 10 o'clock, A. M., and proceeded to 
 " double the cape ;" the wind was fair, and we sail- 
 ed a hundred miles before night. Louisa* and I 
 sat on deck all the evening, and beheld 
 
 " The light-house seen from afar, 
 On the banks of the stormy Cape Cod." 
 
 On Friday there was another calm, and the pas- 
 sengers and sailors amused themselves with fishing. 
 L. caught some mackerel, but I was only a specta- 
 tor. We retired about ten, and on waking in the 
 morning, found ourselves in Boston harbor, sur- 
 rounded with shipping, and the long wharf in full 
 
 * Miss Shipman, of N. H., married the next spring 
 to the late Dr. Payson, of Portland, Maine.
 
 48 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 view. Mr. Huntington and Susan manifested great 
 satisfaction at my arrival. 
 
 I have suffered considerably with sea-sickness, 
 but not a moment with fear ; and think I should 
 feel no apprehension to take a voyage to Europe. 
 Saturday afternoon, walked through a number of 
 streets. Swift's description of London, would do 
 very well for Boston. " Houses, churches mix'd 
 together, &c." Yesterday I attended worship at 
 the Old South, and in the afternoon heard a ser- 
 mon on the death of a young gentleman, who was 
 drowned last week in Cambridge. He was well 
 versed in twelve languages, and had made con- 
 siderable progress in the Chinese. But God has 
 seen fit to remove this second Sir William Jones in 
 the midst of his literary pursuits, and disappoint the 
 expectations of the public. Last evening I heard 
 a sermon in the new church. It is indeed a splen- 
 did building, and looks more like the cathedral of 
 an Archbishopric, than "a meeting-house for dis- 
 senters : but I hope much good will be effected 
 within its walls. 
 
 I have been introduced to Dr. Morse, and Dr. 
 Griffing. Mr. J. Evarts has called on me. The 
 consideration that the providence of God is every- 
 where, will doubtless render me fully contented in 
 Boston.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 49 
 
 At this period the Socinian heresy was at its 
 height, in Boston ; and had become like an over- 
 whelming deluge, throughout the Congregational 
 churches. It was considered rather a hazardous 
 experiment to read the doxology on the sabbath, 
 even in the orthodox Old South church. Soon af- 
 ter the settlement of the late Rev. Joshua Hunting- 
 ton, some pious females, from influential families, 
 waited on their young pastor, and requested him to 
 read the doxology on the sabbath, observing, (to use 
 their own words,) that they would stand by him if 
 it occasioned any excitement in the congregation. 
 
 It is pleasant to trace the progi'ess of truth over 
 error since that period, and to meditate on the 
 faithfulness of God, who raised up able instruments 
 to stem this torrent, and to disabuse the honest, in- 
 quiring mind, from this insidious but fatal delusion. 
 
 Oct. 1. After an absence of twelve weeks, God 
 has kindly returned me to my native roof. On ta- 
 king a retrospect, I can hardly realize I have been 
 three months absent, the time has passed so rapid- 
 ly. Short as it appears, it has been to me an 
 eventful period. The blessed Giver of all good 
 has granted me almost uninterrupted health, and a 
 thousand mercies, both temporal and spiritual, for 
 which I fervently pray I may be thankful. My 
 heart, it is true, has at times drank deeply of the
 
 50 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 "wormwood and the gall;" but this I ascribe 
 wholly to myself. The great God has dealt mer- 
 cifully with me, and done all things well. His 
 faithfulness has never failed, and his ear has been 
 open to my cry, when 1 called upon him in the bit- 
 terness of my soul. I can commit myself, and all 
 the future events of my life, entirely into the hands 
 of my Savior. 
 
 Oct. 6, Yesterday visited the African school. 
 To-morrow is communion, and I am in such an 
 unprepared state, I fear I shall eat and drink judg- 
 ment to myself. Since my return home, so many 
 cares press upon me, that I seem immersed in the 
 vi'orld, and its concerns appear to have taken my 
 heart captive. I am an inconsistent, unreasonable 
 being. I hardly know what I want myself; but I 
 hope God will dispose of mc in such a manner 
 as will promote my eternal interests, whether it is 
 agreeable to my present wishes or otherwise. 
 
 Oct. 8. I have been very stupid since my re- 
 turn, with respect to spiritual things ; but my mind 
 has been agitated on other subjects, and I find I 
 am not exempt from worldly sorrow. It is strange, 
 that when I am so deeply convinced of the short- 
 ness of life, and the necessity of being prepared 
 for death, I am still so interested about the trifling 
 concerns of the present world, and so anxious, at 
 times even distressed, respecting the future alot-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 51 
 
 mcnts of providence. I wish for perfect submis- 
 sion in all things, but cannot feel it. I long to take 
 no thought for futurity, yet find my mind agitated by 
 hopes and fears, — expectations of happiness, and 
 dread of disappointment. 
 
 Oct. 11. Spent this afternoon at Mr. B's, with a 
 party of family connections, who appeared happy 
 to see me once more, unworthy as I am, and un- 
 deserving as 1 know myself to be of their affec- 
 tions. When I have time for reflection, many 
 things which happened while I was absent fill me 
 with shame and sorrow. But if pride is the founda- 
 tion of this mental uneasiness, it is my duty to 
 suppress it, and not yield to " worldly sorrow, 
 which worketh death." 
 
 Oct. 14. Last night I watched with my grand- 
 mother Lyon, who continues very low, and did not 
 return home till noon. The rain prevents my at- 
 tending public worship this afternoon. My mind 
 is so distracted by a thousand worldly concerns, I 
 sometimes think my spiritual state is worse than 
 ever, and all sense of divine things has departed. 
 
 Oct. 16. This morning, about four o'clock, my 
 grandmother, at the age of eighty-seven, departed 
 this life and entered the world of spirits. There is 
 hardly a possibility I shall ever attain even her age, 
 and yet I am looking forward to future scenes, and 
 forming plans for future enjoyment, as if this was
 
 52 MEMOIRSOPMARYLYON. 
 
 my eternal home, instead of being only my state of 
 probation. 
 
 Oct. 21. How humble I ought to be. Sin, 
 sorrow, and shame, by turns almost overwhelm me, 
 and I nearly sink in despair. My temper, my 
 disposition, and my heart are so bad, that I wonder 
 I do not, like Job, loathe and abhor myself. " The 
 law of the Lord is perfect." God's law, govern- 
 ment, and every thing that proceeds from him, are 
 " righteous altogether." And yet I often break his 
 law, murmur at his government, and oppose his will. 
 
 TO MRS. SUSAN HUNTINGTON, BOSTON. 
 
 New Haven, Oct, 22, 1810. 
 
 Your letter, dear S., reached me at the time I 
 was preparing for the funeral of my grandmother 
 Lyon. Her sickness and death, necessary sewing, 
 and other concerns that have pressed upon me 
 since my return ; together with the mistaken kind- 
 ness of our friends and acquaintances, who, (as a 
 parting compliment to Emilia,*) have kept us al- 
 most continually engaged in visiting or waiting on 
 company, will sufficiently account for my not wri- 
 ting before, to inform you of my safe arrival, &c. 
 
 The morning 1 left Boston, and the evening pre- 
 
 ♦ Her sister E. was married during her absence, to 
 Mr. B., of Charleston, S. C.
 
 M E M O I R S F M A R Y L Y N . 53 
 
 viou.s, I experienced such a depression of spirits, 
 I found it impossible to mention the subject of my 
 departure without betraying the weakness of a 
 child. This was the cause of my silence, I was 
 not insensible to the pain of parting, nor forgetful 
 of the friendship I had received from Mr. H. and 
 yourself. Miss Harriot Lathrop* is here on a visit. 
 From her I learn you have a fine companion this 
 winter. Present my compliments to Mr. H. How 
 comes on battledore and shuttlecock ? I hope he 
 finds his sister a more apt scholar than I was. 
 
 New Haven presents a very different religious as- 
 pect from that of other times. There was no ad- 
 dition to our church during my absence, and I hear 
 little said on the subject. Doubtless we have chris- 
 tians among us, but " the gold has become dim," 
 and a general spirit of lukewarmness seems to pre- 
 vail. You have probably heard the death of D. 
 Daggett. I trust he died the death of the righteous. 
 Soon after I left N. H. he became very anxious, 
 and during a number of weeks experienced a state 
 of spiritual distress, almost beyond example. A 
 few days before his illness, the " hope that maketh 
 not ashamed," visited his humble heart, and he re- 
 mained calm to the end. 
 
 Afterwards Mrs. Winslow, missionary to Ceylon. 
 5*
 
 54 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON, 
 
 Oct. 28. When I returned from meeting this 
 morning, I felt almost disheartened, and thought I 
 attended in vain to religious duties. But this after- 
 noon, whilst listening to a sermon on the doctrine of 
 free grace, I experienced the most delightful sensa- 
 tions, and for a short time, almost longed to be ab- 
 sent from the body, that I might join with the re- 
 deemed in heaven, in singing " Not unto us, not 
 unto us, but to thy name be all the glory." Alle- 
 luia, for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth ! 
 
 Nov. 12. I have felt more composed to-day, 
 and I hope God has graciously answered my prayer, 
 for tranquillity of mind, and submission of will. I 
 have reason to believe my prayers have been heard 
 in times past, for my petitions have evidently been 
 granted in several instances. What encourage- 
 ment have I then to pray ; and what is still 
 more, never to faint. I will try to " hope against 
 hope," and exercise faith in Christ, who is the sin- 
 ner's friend. Perhaps these clouds will soon pass 
 over, and the sun of righteousness and peace once 
 more shine upon my wicked and troubled heart. 
 
 Nov. 22. Mr. B., Emilia, and Elizabeth left us 
 to-day for Charleston. The last week has been a 
 busy and trying season ; but through divine mercy, 
 I was enabled to pass through the trial with compo- 
 sure and firmness. I have prayed that God would 
 protect them, and I trust he will, and in due time re-
 
 M E M O I R S O r M A R Y L Y O N , 55 
 
 turn them in peace and safety. How strange it is, 
 that when I deserve nothing, and yet constantly ex- 
 perience such innumerable blessings, my ungrateful 
 heart should so often rise up, and say with the spirit 
 of Haman, " All this availeth me nothing," because 
 my unreasonable wishes are not all answered ; when 
 perhaps their gratification would neither conduce to 
 my happiness in this life, or that to come. Yet I 
 do not wish to choose my own portion, I only wish 
 that my will may be entirely swallowed up in the 
 will of my God. My times are in his hands, and 
 that is all my consolation and support. 
 
 Dec. 1. What a wide spreading evil is sin. It 
 is the direct, or indirect cause of all the misery in 
 the world : and it is wonderful, that mankind do not 
 at once see, to what they may ascribe all their 
 troubles, and all their sorrows. 
 
 Dec. 4. With what sincerity, I can exclaim with 
 Job, " Oh that I were as in months past." My 
 mind is uncomfortable beyond description, and I 
 believe my health suffers in consequence of this 
 mental agitation. 
 
 Dec. 7. This day has passed much more calmly, 
 for which mercy may I be sincerely grateful. Spent 
 the morning with my pious grandniother, whose 
 conversation always pours consolation into my heart. 
 
 Dec. 20. This morning my mind was very mel- 
 ancholy, and for two or three hours, I thought I per-
 
 56 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 
 
 ceived symptoms of that dreadful mental agony, I 
 once suffered for a long period ;* but it passed off ; 
 and this evening, blessed God, I can raise my Eb- 
 enezer, for thus far thou hast helped me, and I hum- 
 bly trust, unworthy as I am, that thou wilt never 
 leave me, nor forsake me. 
 
 Dec. 24. The christian life is indeed a warfare, 
 and a warfare of the most important kind, for fail- 
 ure here is eternal ruin. It is necessary that some- 
 thing should teach us, that this world is not our rest- 
 ing place, and that happiness is a fugitive, long since 
 fled from the earth. When God would convince 
 me of this great truth, he takes the most effectual 
 method, and touches my spiritual enjoyments. When 
 this is my situation, the world becomes a desert ; 
 all its comforts arc turned to bitterness, and all its 
 sorrows, of whatever nature they may be, appear 
 light and trifling. When God hides his face, where 
 can I look for peace. In comparison with spiritual 
 darkness, disease, poverty, all worldly sorrow com- 
 bined, and even death, sink into nothing. 
 
 Dec. 27. To-day we received the welcome in- 
 telligence, of the safe arrival of our dear friends in 
 Charleston. God is always good, and every hour 
 of my life is a witness that he is gracious and long 
 suflering. Not a day passes without furnishing me 
 
 * Probably in the year 1805.
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 57 
 
 with causes to sing of mercy, and to bless his name. 
 Yet when called to take up the cross, to submit 
 to outward trials, or to struggle with inward cor- 
 ruption, how prone I am to sink into despondency, 
 and to think my " strength not equal to my 
 day." But " why should a living man complain, a 
 man for the punishment of his sins ?" I know that 
 all the evil in the world, is the immediate consequence 
 of transgressing the commands of God : and that 
 all I suffer as an individual, has its origin entirely in 
 sin. When once the natural feelings of the heart 
 takes the reins, and grace, for the time, ceases to 
 be the governing principle, there is no more peace. 
 
 Jan. 6, 1811. How earnestly I long that the 
 coming year, (should God prolong my life,) may be 
 productive of good fruits : but I have found, by sad 
 experience, that when " I would do good, evil is 
 present with me." I feel sometimes, as if I could 
 in reality give up the world, and all its vain con- 
 cerns, and cared for nothing but an interest in Jesus 
 Christ, and yet perhaps in a short time, the cares 
 and pursuits of this life get the ascendency, and I 
 am again brought into bondage. 
 
 Jan. 13. Discontent is a very great sin, and of 
 this I am guilty to an uncommon degree. The 
 source of all my trouble is my self-willed heart; when 
 this is kept submissive to the will of Providence, 
 then I am calm and happy. I should despair did I
 
 58 ME MOIRSOF MARY LYON. 
 
 not hope that I have an " advocate with the Father, 
 Jesus Christ the righteous." 
 
 Jan. 20. It is amazing that an}'" one should en- 
 deavor to lessen the evidences of Christianity, when 
 it affords the only real good we can enjoy in this 
 life. How perfectly wretched I should have been 
 during this season of trouble, through which I have 
 waded, and am still wading, did I not cling to re- 
 ligion as my only refuge and support. Every oc- 
 currence is under the direction of a wise and mer- 
 ciful God. Even sin, and " the wrath of man" will 
 finally be overruled for good, and be instrumental 
 in promoting his glory. Why then can I not be 
 calm and submissive in all trials ? It is because sin 
 reigns in my m.ortal body, and if the spirit is willing, 
 the flesh is weak. 
 
 Jan. 26. Spent this afternoon with my pious 
 grandmother, who stands waiting the summons to 
 depart, and can, I trust, say with St. Paul, " I have 
 fought a good fight." I find myself lamentably de- 
 ficient in many things, and in all come short. My 
 temptations and trials are great, and my patience 
 has left me to an astonishing degree. I am moved 
 by trifles that once would have passed by me unno- 
 ticed. 
 
 Impatience, or irritability of temper, never ap- 
 peared to be Miss Lyon's besetting sin, even before
 
 M E M O I R S O F M A R Y L Y O N . 59 
 
 her conversion. It is not remembered, that for sev- 
 eral years preceding her death, she was so far under 
 the influence of anger, as to speak " unadvisedly 
 with her lips," or alter the tone of her voice. Her 
 mental conflicts were mentioned to but one or two 
 individuals. The expression of her countenance 
 was mild and composed ; and her outward de- 
 meanor calm and collected. Whatever was the 
 state of her mind, she rose at the usual hour, went 
 tranquilly through the duties of the day, attending 
 upon her pious mother, who had been many years 
 a nervous invalid ; conversing with friends who 
 called, on common topics ; and making calls, if ne- 
 cessary, without complaining of temporal trials, or 
 making any allusion to her spiritual suflerings. This 
 great self-command, in one possessed of her acute 
 feelings, evinced the strength of her religious prin- 
 ciples. 
 
 Feb. 5. I am almost afraid to yield to the con- 
 viction, that I am unhappy, lest thinking so, should 
 engender a spirit of complaint, under the evils I 
 really experience, and of ingratitude for the mercies 
 I really enjoy ; and thus provoke God to send upon 
 me still heavier trials. I will endeavor to trust in 
 him who knows all my wants, and who is able to 
 supply them out of his fullness. 
 
 Feb. 11. Yesterday I heard two very alarming
 
 60 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 sermons, from John viii. 24. *' Ye shall die in your 
 sins." After church I was very much distressed, 
 and for a short time almost deranged, but in the 
 evening, became more composed, and through un- 
 deserved mercy have been tranquil to-day. How 
 much I need the Savior. Every day I have reason 
 to feel, that without his atonement I never can be 
 saved. 
 
 Feb. 16. This afternoon I have visited the alms- 
 house, and the objects of misery I saw there, ought 
 to teach me a lesson of humility and contentment. 
 If I know my own heart, I long for perfect resigna- 
 tion to the will of Providence in all things ; and I 
 humbly hope, (before the expiration of many more 
 weeks,) to feel this spirit, which constitutes the hap- 
 piness of mortals, while in this state of trial. 
 
 March 7. Another winter is passed away, and 
 I look back upon it with regret, for I have grievously 
 sinned ; indeed, when I reflect on my past life, I am 
 astonished at the number, the variety, and the ag- 
 gravations of my sins. Yet perhaps I remember 
 but a small part, a very small part of my offences. 
 Great as they are, 1 hope I shall yet be pardoned, 
 for the sake of the blessed Jesus, who died for just 
 such sinners as I am. The illness of my dear 
 mother has prevented my attending church to-day, 
 and this evening there is no conference.- What 
 blessedness in tlie christian religion ! In the hour of
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 61 
 
 suffering and worldly sorrow, it holds out the hope 
 of rest beyond the grave. 
 
 March 9. This world is a world of temptation. 
 Every hour, every moment, we are exposed to the 
 greatest of all evils, sin. I have recently read a 
 sermon on the government of the heart, and have 
 prayed for grace to subdue all my sinful passions, 
 and to regulate all the disorders of my soul. I hope 
 those detestable heart-sins, that war against my 
 peace, as well as my soul, will be brought under, 
 by the power of divine grace. That I shall yet 
 knoxo that I love God supremely, and feel a cheers 
 ful submission to his providential dealings ; and re- 
 gard the concerns of time with comparative indif- 
 ference, and live above the world while I live in it. 
 
 March 11. To-day I think I have avoided the 
 sin which so easily besets me. Would that I were 
 entirely delivered from the power of sin and Satan ! 
 ** O that I had wings like a dove : for then would I 
 flee away and be at rest !" 
 
 March 17. Heard a sermon this morning, on the 
 
 partial reformation, which sometimes takes place in 
 
 the unregenerate. During the sermon it seemed 
 
 as if my own character was exactly portrayed. I 
 
 once thought myself under serious impressions, and 
 
 fondly hoped they issued in conversion. But now 
 
 my evidences are feeble, and my hopes clouded. 
 
 All my inward corruptions are strugghng for the 
 6
 
 t)55 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 mastery, and my graces, (if I have any,) are in- 
 active, — all is darkness, — all is perplexity, — all is 
 sorrow. 
 
 March 24. How good is the Lord ! I am abom- 
 inably wicked, yet he is patient, and bears long with 
 my wickedness. If God were like man, this thun- 
 der that now rumbles in the air, would come out in 
 judgment against me and strike me dead. The 
 holy inhabitants of heaven would pronounce the 
 doom just ; and my own mouth would be obliged to 
 confess the same. This long-suffering is a token 
 for good, and my soul desires to rejoice in the doc- 
 trine of free grace, that can, consistent with the 
 holy attributes of God, save a wretch like me. 
 Through the undeserved mercy of God, I have 
 passed a happier day than for some time past. I 
 earnestly pray that every token of divine favor, may 
 produce its proper effects on my heart, — greater 
 watchfulness over myself, and increasing love for 
 my glorious Benefactor. 
 
 April 4. This evening is charming, — serene, 
 still, and a bright moon-light. The natural world 
 still appears lovely ; for man has no power to mar 
 its beauty. Sin cannot rob the firmament of its 
 lustre, nor the earth of its verdure. I am going to 
 make a wedding visit, where there will probably be 
 a large party. I pray God to keep me by his grace 
 from sinning in thought, word, or deed.
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON, 63 
 
 April 11. Last night my sisters arrived from 
 Charleston, and God has kindly permitted us to see 
 each other again, in the land of the living. To-day 
 we have a violent snow-storm ; but Providence 
 mercifully brought them to the desired haven before 
 it commenced. If I had a just sense of the mer- 
 cies I enjoy, I should not so often yield to despon- 
 dency. But I trust I have given myself to Christ ; 
 and hope through his blood to be cleansed from all 
 past sin, and to be kept by his grace from sinning 
 Willfully hereafter. 
 
 April 17. There are many sins heinous in the 
 sight of God, of which the world think little ; and 
 there are many things which endear the followers 
 of the Lamb to their Master, which render them 
 hateful to their worldly companions. Sometimes I 
 hear persons commended for qualities that the Bible 
 strongly condemns ; and others censured for those 
 very traits of character that the Scriptures incul- 
 cate in the most earnest manner. 
 
 April 18. Weariness of the world, and wean- 
 edness from the world, are very different exercises. 
 The former often rises from impatience of spirit, 
 and an unsubdued will. The latter generally pro- 
 ceeds from a real conviction of the empty nature 
 of earthly objects, and having found something 
 more productive of happiness, than all the earth has 
 to bestow. If I could be assured that the mental
 
 64 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 suffering I have endured the last winter, was of a 
 godly nature, I would not recall one sigh or one 
 tear, much as I have been afflicted. But my mind 
 has been troubled on worldly subjects. I hope some 
 spiritual good will arise from all this evil, and in due 
 time, through grace, I shall get the victory over every 
 temptation, every trial, and every sin. 
 
 April 22. It is very difficult to discover the real 
 path of duty. Passion and prejudice, often blind 
 our minds, and induce us to think, say, and do, a 
 thousand things, the motives of which are at least 
 doubtful. I am convinced that self-love and self- 
 will very often influence me in performing, what 
 ought to be performed from better motives. This 
 evening at the conference, I heard an essay read on 
 confidence in God. While I was there, I experi- 
 enced such a deep sense of my own sin, and had 
 such a view of the sins of others, I was almost over- 
 whelmed, and could hardly forbear weeping aloud. 
 O ! who could wish to live always in this sinful 
 world, if through grace there was a faint hope, even 
 a faint hope of being admitted to one of holiness. 
 If ardent longings after sanctification of heart, ho- 
 liness of life, and perfection in the world of glory, 
 be fruits of saving grace, I hope I possess it, for 
 sometimes I certainly do experience these feelings. 
 
 May 3. It is beyond the power of the poet to 
 describe or the painter to portray an evening like
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYO N. 65 
 
 this. But David, (by divine inspiration,) has done it 
 in few words : " The heavens declare the glory of 
 God, and the firmament showeth his handy work. 
 Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night 
 showeth knowledge. He appointed the moon for 
 seasons : The sun knoweth his going down. O 
 Lord how manifold are thy works ! in wisdom hast 
 thou made them all." 
 
 May 8. I have just returned from a long v/alk, 
 and the face of nature appears so lovely, that one 
 would think, man was again placed in the garden 
 of Eden, and that the earth was no longer under a 
 curse. Would that such days of innocence, peace, 
 and moral beauty could once more return, and then 
 I should share in those inestimable blessings. But 
 while sin remains in the world, there will be temp- 
 tation ; and as the needle in the compass, irreso- 
 lutely trembles till it has found the north point, so 
 temptation appears to hover round, uncertain where 
 to fix, or whom to ensnare, until it has found me. 
 
 May 9. There is a wide difference between real 
 submission to God's will, and a natural insensibility 
 of heart, that enables the possessor to pass through 
 all scenes, and meet all events, with the same feel- 
 ings. Many who know nothing of God, or the power 
 of religion, will bear affliction with more apparent 
 fortitude, than the real follower of Christ ; and stand 
 
 unmoved, at wliat would almost overwhelm a weak 
 6*
 
 tjtj MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 
 
 but real believer in Jesus. I believe it is best I should 
 be exactly in the situation I am. The knowledge 
 that God has placed me in it is sufficient to convince 
 any christian it is right, and I think I can see rea- 
 sons for God's providence towards me in this 
 respect. I have many humiliating things to bear, 
 it is true, but I have also pride ; and it is necessary 
 pride should be humbled. I have many vexations ; 
 but I am impatient, and it is needful patience should 
 be proved. I find much care and trouble in this 
 life ; but it is indispensably necessary that I should 
 learn by experience, the world is not my resting 
 place, and that so long as I live in it, I must expect 
 tribulation. 
 
 May 18. The duties of the week are ended, and 
 holy time has once more arrived. I love the sab- 
 bath, but fear my motive for loving it is a mixed one. 
 The retirement, the freedom from company, and the 
 rest from worldly care, I enjoy on the sabbath, are 
 congenial to my natural taste. But I humbly hope 
 I have a higher motive, and that I may be prepared, 
 by its exercises on earth, to spend an eternal sab- 
 bath in heaven. I have been reading Booth's Reign 
 of Grace. The christian should read it, that he 
 may see to what he owes all his hopes : and the 
 self-righteous sinner, that he may be taught, " by 
 the deeds of the law shall no flesh be justified." 
 
 May 21. My mind to-day has been tranquil, and
 
 MEMOIRS or MART LYON. 67 
 
 external things have affected me less than usual. 
 Just so far as grace prevails in the heart, there will 
 be a ready submission to the will of God, in all his 
 providential dealings. But then the christian has trials 
 peculiar to himself: moral evil, is what his Creator 
 hates, and when he feels it in himself, or sees it 
 in others, he cannot prevent being in bitterness. 
 Things are in a disordered state in this world. Man- 
 kind are not willing to be governed by the laws of 
 reason and religion. They like confusion and bus- 
 tle, for these have a tendency to banish reflection. 
 But O ! what a f^'arful condition those are in, who 
 cannot bear solitude, and fly to the world to avoid 
 the pain of their own thoughts. 
 
 May 20. There is a tranquillity and beauty in 
 this evening, and nature appears so lovely, that one 
 would think the God of nature smiled on this wicked 
 world, and had no longer a controversy with its pol- 
 luted inhabitants. The declining sun gilds the sum- 
 mit of East-rock, as seen from my window, and 
 gives a peculiar mellowness to the verdure of the 
 trees. The blue sky is partly hid by white clouds, 
 and the West glows in brightness. The natural 
 beauties of the world are calculated to lead the mind 
 to the great Creator, and would always produce this 
 effect, were not the mental eye in darkness, and 
 blind to the superior beauty of holiness. Change 
 is written on all below. We might learn a useful les-
 
 68 ME MOIRSOF MARY LYON. 
 
 son from it, were we so disposed. The revolving 
 seasons of the year, the situation of families, the 
 state of individuals, both as respects the inner and 
 outer man, so constantly changing, might teach us 
 to check pride and presumption, in days of pros- 
 perity and sunshine ; and avoid the opposite sins of 
 impatience and despondency, when our sky appears 
 overcast with clouds. 
 
 June 14. Last night I passed through a trial of 
 so heavy a nature, that I have been ill to-day, in con- 
 sequence of the mental distress I suffered. I pray 
 for wisdom to discern the path of duty, and grace 
 to pursue it. If God is with me I need nothing else, 
 and if he is not, I wish for comfort from no other 
 quarter. 
 
 June 15. If I know the nature of my own mind, 
 it is one of those from which, impressions once made, 
 are haid 1o be effaced. To banish any subject from 
 my mind, especially one that is painful, is like at- 
 tempts to erase the mark of the diamond from the 
 glass. The brittle pane may break, but the frag- 
 ments still retain the marks in all their power. This 
 afternoon we expect a large party. I consider it a 
 great snare to my soul, and a great trial to my pa. 
 tience, to see so much company. But I wish to be 
 patient under this, and every other cross. 
 
 June 27. How soothing it is, to find, in the ex- 
 perience of those who were eminent for their piety,
 
 MEMOIRS OF MART LYON. 69 
 
 a similarity to my own. They passed through the 
 same trials, encountered the same temptations, ex- 
 perienced the same doubts and fears that I suffer. 
 If my conflicts resemble theirs, I pray that my faith 
 may also be similar ; and after waging the same 
 warfare I may enter into the same rest. The blessed 
 Jesus is all powerful. 
 
 June 28. Towards evening I took a long walk 
 with my sisters, and found a friend here, at our re- 
 turn, we had not seen for fifteen months. It is now 
 near eleven, — the night is perfectly still, — the moon is 
 " walking in brightness," and the sound of a flute at 
 intervals, gives a kind of romantic solemnity to the 
 night, which, added to the mental trials I experience, 
 and the peculiar traits of my disposition, make me 
 nearly wild. But I will retire, and strive to compose 
 my mind to sleep, for such feelings ought not to be in- 
 dulged. A melancholy frame of mind is a very 
 ivicked one ; for it arises, either from a want of faith, 
 or a want of patience, — from a distrust of God's 
 wisdom, power, and goodness, respecting futurity ; 
 or impatience under the burdens he sees fit to lay 
 upon us. A christian should " rejoice evermore" 
 in Christ, and be patient in tribulation. 
 
 July 18. This afternoon I visited the African 
 school, and was disappointed in finding so few there. 
 It is strange, when the benevolence of a few individ- 
 uals have placed these oppressed people in a situation
 
 70 M E M 1 R S P M A R Y LYON. 
 
 to bestow upon their children some useful knowledge 
 and religious instruction, they should be so backward 
 to improve it. 
 
 July 25. Notwithstanding the physical evils which 
 entered this world at the apostacy, the human family 
 might still be happy, were they under the power of 
 religion, and all its members real christians. How 
 miserable, on the contrary, is any household, (such a 
 one as I have recently witnessed,) when the con- 
 duct of those who compose it, is guided by whim, 
 prejudice, the feelings of the moment, selfishness, 
 and perhaps violent passions. O ! how miserable 
 is the human mind under the dominion of its pas- 
 sions ! No matter which takes the reins, they are all 
 t5^rants and the soul brought into captivity by them, 
 is truly an object of compassion. 
 
 Aug. 1. This afternoon we expect alarge party 
 to visit us. Were I to follow my inclination, I should 
 sit alone up stairs and read. But I find myself obli- 
 ged to exercise self-denial in this particular. There 
 are many things to ailiict us, of so peculiar a na- 
 ture that they must be concealed from the world ; 
 and let them wound ever so deep, they must remain 
 buried in our bosoms, hidden from our best earthly 
 friends. But there is one Friend to whom even 
 these troubles may be told, and that PViend is able 
 to speak peace to the soul, whenever his wisdom 
 sees fit.
 
 MEMOIRS OFMARYLYON. 71 
 
 Aug. 8. How merdful, as well as icise, are all 
 the dealings of God towards rae ! If he has denied 
 me any thing I wished, it was because he foresaw 
 the possession of it would retard my spiritual pro- 
 gress. If he has called me to suffering, . it is to 
 wean me from the world, and teach me that happi- 
 ness dwells only in heaven. If he has granted me 
 some sweet hopes of obtaining this happiness, it is 
 not to disappoint them, but to encourage me in 
 waging the christian warfare, and enduring unto 
 the end. 
 
 Aug. 12. It is an easy thing to assume the 
 christian name ; to talk and write like a christian ; 
 and I have sometimes thought, to think and feel Hke 
 a christian, — but to act like a christian, — to be pa- 
 tient under provocation ; submissive under trials ; 
 to sacrifice our own ease and advantage cheerfully 
 for the benefit of others ; to bear crosses and dis- 
 appointment, without complaint ; to keep a contin- 
 ual watch over ourselves, lest we offend in thought^ 
 word, or deed ; and above all, to be truly and 5m- 
 cerely humble before God ; this is indeed a difficult 
 task, and which nothing but the grace of the great 
 Jehovah can enable us to perform. 
 
 Aug. 19. It is almost impossible not to assim- 
 ilate to those with whom we live on terms of inti- 
 macy. We insensibly adopt their sentiments, their 
 language, and even their manner of dress and be-
 
 72 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 havior. This should teach us great care in selecting 
 our companions, and not voluntarily take them from 
 the world ; and if Providence has placed us among 
 those of this character, it should warn us to be on 
 our guard, and resist as much as possible their bane- 
 ful influence. We are never safe on this side the 
 grave ; our three great enemies, the world, the flesh, 
 and the devil, are continually plotting our ruin. Flad 
 we no keeper but ourselves, how soon we should 
 seal our utter destruction. Thanks be to God for 
 his unspeakable gift ! 
 
 Sept. 6. What a scene of bustle and confusion, 
 is this world. Men live a few years in care and 
 nurry, and then lie down in silence beneath the 
 "clods of the valley," and are soon forgotten by their 
 busy survivors. What madness to confine our at- 
 tention to a world, that so soon forgets its friends ; 
 even those who have sacrificed their immortal souls 
 in its service. The Scripture compares human life 
 to a pilgrimage, a race, a warfare, and many other 
 things, to show that the end of life is not to live ; 
 but that it is merely a passage through which to enter 
 an eternal state of bliss or wretchedness. 
 
 Sept. 9. Every day adds to my conviction, that 
 God does not design this world for a place of hap- 
 piness. Care, disappointment, disease, and trouble, 
 in innumerable shapes, assail us at every turn, and 
 mar every thing Uke worldly enjoyment. Religion
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 73 
 
 alone yields any solid peace ; and religion alone 
 can support the heart under the deprivation ofearthly 
 comforts. O ! what a gloom would cloud my mind 
 at this moment, did I not hope the blessed God had 
 pardoned me, through the precious Savior ; and did 
 I not believe that all the events of my life, are fully 
 known to him, and permitted by his providential 
 government. Blessed be God, that my spiritual en- 
 joyments are not removed, — blessed be his holy 
 name, that I can pray, and pour out my soul before 
 him, without trembling and dismay. 
 
 Sept. 11. To-day is commencement, and the 
 town is filled with the votaries of pleasure and dis- 
 sipation. Many of those, who are now partaking 
 of the amusements of the season, will probably 
 be in the land of silence, before it again returns. 
 Perhaps I, or some of those most dear to me, may 
 be of the number. I pray God to prepare my mind 
 for all there is before, and enable me to approach 
 his bar with confidence and joy, through Jesus Christ, 
 my only hope, — Amen. 
 
 TO HER SISTER IN NEW HAVEN, 
 
 Killingworih, Sept, 16, 1811. 
 I find K., dear Sophia, much as usual ; pleasant, 
 tranquil, still, but rather lonely. I must write a let- 
 ter brief as yours, as the few minutes necessarily 
 employed in preparing the chaise, is all the time I
 
 74 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 have. Kiss E's dear little babe for me. Tell father 
 I went up the bank stairs to bid him good morning, 
 but he was so busy, I thought I should disturb him, 
 and so did not speak.* I met Mr. Evartsf in East 
 Guilford, and conversed with him some time. He 
 will call on you this week. I wish I could be at 
 home to see him. It is so pleasant to see such an 
 old friend, — a good man, — a christian indeed. Good 
 morning, dear sister. May the God of mercy bless 
 us both, and all we love, for the Redeemer's sake. 
 
 TO THE SAME. 
 
 KillingwortJi, Oct. 11, 1811. 
 
 There were not as many clergymen attended the 
 association, as uncle M. expected, and nine only 
 slept here ; so the fatigue of waiting on them at 
 table was trifling, as respects myself. But aunt M., 
 in consequence of her anxiety, has been quite in- 
 disposed. 
 
 The return of my birth-day leads me to inquire, 
 what has become of the years that have composed 
 my past life ? Memory, it is true, retains some of 
 the events, some of the enjoyments, some of the 
 sins, and many of the trials through which I have 
 
 ♦ Col. Lyon was cashier of the old New Haven Bank. 
 + Afterwards Corresponding Secretary of the Amer- 
 ican Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 75 
 
 passed. But alas ! the greatest partis a mere blank, 
 wholly obliterated from my mind, and gone without 
 leaving a trace behind. Yet an account must be 
 rendered for every moment of this forgotten time. 
 All time is present with God, and he does not be- 
 stow this valuable talent without requiring an im- 
 provement. One observes, " There is nothing 
 wasted with so little remorse as time ; and yet there 
 is nothing else when lost, but may be regained ; but 
 this cannot.^^ When I take a retrospect, I feel con- 
 strained to ask myself as Radamanthus did the wo- 
 man, " And what have you been doing all this 
 while ?" But I cannot give as ready an answer as 
 hers. I must reply, as to the greatest part I have 
 really forgotten. One season of life has so closely 
 followed another ; one set of ideas and pursuits have 
 been interrupted by succeeding ones ; recent events 
 have effaced the impression of former, and all the 
 past appears like a confused dream, with little or 
 nothing effected. 
 
 It is hardly probable that the years wliich remain, 
 will equal in number those that are past ; but they 
 ought to be far, far superior in diligence, and carry 
 me rapidly heaven- ward, for they will certainly bear 
 me rapidly on to death, and the grave. Among the 
 other evils introduced by the fall, this is not the least ; 
 a sort of self-flattery, which renders us insensible to 
 our own condition. We see others called to trials
 
 76 MEMOIRS OF MART LYON. 
 
 of various kinds, but rest in a kind of stupid hope, 
 that we shall escape. We see others summoned 
 away by death, and need no arguments to convince 
 us, that " time with them is indeed no more." But 
 still we feel a kind of persuasion that this will never 
 be the case with us ; or at least if we must die, the 
 dying-hour will never arrive. This delusion is the 
 bane of souls : for did the world reaZ/i/ and.sincerely 
 believe, they should certainly die, and come to the 
 judgment, they would endeavor to live in some de- 
 gree of conformity to such a belief. Want of faith 
 lies at the root of all this difficulty, and this is the 
 reason why the Scriptures put such stress upon 
 faith. 
 
 The apostle says " we believe, therefore we 
 speak ;" and we may say, we believe, therefore we 
 act. Sometimes the force of temptation is so great, 
 that faith for a season ceases to operate ; still the 
 general course of a persons life will be according to 
 his belief. If he really and habitually thinks, that 
 there is a great good to be obtained, he will endea- 
 vor to obtain it earnestly. If he believes there is a 
 dreadful evil to be shunned, he will need no argu- 
 ments to avoid it. Want of faith is the sole reason 
 why he is not feelingly convinced of the brevity of 
 life, the certainty of death, the joys of lieaven, and 
 the bitter torments of hell. 
 
 Good nighl, my dear sister, the shades of evening
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 77 
 
 are closing around us, and very soon the evening 
 of life will throw her dusky mantle over our heads ; 
 but it is no matter, if from those shades, we can rise 
 to the regions of never-ending day, and dwell in 
 uncreated light forever and ever. 
 
 Nov. 1. After more than six weeks absence at 
 K., I am once more returned to my native roof. 
 God has never, for a moment of my life, left him- 
 self without a witness, that he is kind to the unwor- 
 thy : but now I have a fresh proof of his great 
 goodness. My mind is more at ease than it has 
 been during the past year, on those subjects, re- 
 specting which, it was always wicked to feel any un- 
 easiness. My heart has been the abode of a hu- 
 man-like spirit ; and the great, the countless multi- 
 tude of mercies lavished on me, have been disre- 
 garded, and almost spurned. Through this long 
 season of sin, God has been patient, and graciously 
 waited, forbearing to cut me off, till the froward 
 child should return to a sense of her duty. Sin is 
 the direct or indirect cause of all suffering : and I 
 am convinced it is the immediate cause of the great- 
 est part of my past troubles. I pray God to par- 
 don me for Jesus' sake, and keep me hereafter from 
 these dreadful heart-sins, by the grace of his Holy 
 Spirit, to whom with the Father, and the blessed 
 Savior, be rendered everlasting praises, — amen. 
 7*
 
 78 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 Nov. 5. This afternoon we expect a party to 
 take tea with us, and among them several strangers. 
 To me such parties are a cross, and perhaps it is 
 my duty to bear it, as such, without murmuring. 
 Providence has placed me in a situation, where I am 
 obliged to converse much with worldly people ; and 
 to repine at his allotments, is not only wicked, but, 
 (as I know from experience,) is productive of great 
 misery. The true line of duty is to guard against 
 the peculiar temptations of our situation, and not 
 murmur at the disposals of a wise God. 
 
 Nov. 7. To-day has been extremely pleasant, 
 and I have spent the afternoon in walking, and call- 
 ing on my acquaintance. My mind remains tran- 
 quil, and my spirits good. I have hourly cause for 
 gratitude and humility. Gratitude, that so much 
 good is allotted me ; and humility, that it is received 
 with so much insensibility. Those who enjoy the 
 light of God's countenance, are not only the excel- 
 lent of the earth, but they are truly the happiest of 
 the race of Adam. The pleasures of religion here, 
 are an earnest of that state of bliss which is without 
 alloy, and without end. 
 
 Nov. 24. The Holy Spirit only can perform a 
 work of grace in the soul, and yet the world live as 
 if they could, by their own exertions, effect it at any 
 time. When this life is so fleeting, and the one to
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 79 
 
 come eternal, it is strange that religion is not the 
 whole business of man. 
 
 Nov. 28. Thanksgiving-day. There are few 
 who have so much reason for gratitude as I, and I 
 fear there are {ewy (all things considered,) who ex- 
 ercise it so little. The great mercy of feeling my mind 
 in any measure, delivered from that pit of sin and 
 misery, into which it has been j)lunged during the 
 past year, should excite the liveliest emotions of 
 praise towards my great Deliverer. I will strive 
 to meditate on the past as I ought, and look ibrward 
 with hope, trusting that God will prepare me for 
 trials, support me under them, and carry me safely 
 through all. 
 
 Dec. 5. I have been spending the afternoon 
 with my grandmother. She is very happy, for her 
 pilgrimage through this world is almost finished. A 
 belief that nothing befalls me without the knowledge 
 and permission of God ; and that he knows the se- 
 cret troubles of my heart, which are hidden fjom 
 the world, is a consideration full of comfort, and 
 tends to support me under trials. 
 
 Dec. 13. There is a great deal to be performed 
 in this life, that duty will not suffer us to neglect ; and 
 there is still much more, that the opinions and cus- 
 toms of the world exact from us, that is not neces- 
 sary. The cares of life are a snare to the soul, and
 
 80 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 if not regulated by a principle of grace will prove 
 its ruin, 
 
 Dec. 18. The unregenerate, as well as the re- 
 generate, are required to make known their wants 
 unto God by prayer. Simon was exhorted to pray, 
 when the apostle thought him to be in the gall of bit- 
 terness, and there is reason to think that prayer is 
 often an instrument in turning sinners to Christ. 
 Without prayer there is no religion : it is the life 
 and soul of vital piety. 
 
 Jan. 1, 1812. When I call to remembrance the 
 state of my feelings last year, I have reason to bless 
 God for the change he has effected. The power 
 of divine grace alone, could send peace and tran- 
 quillity to such a disordered, and almost deranged 
 mind as mine then was. To God be all the glory ; 
 for my own exertions were entirely fruitless. This 
 morning, (I hope with sincerity,) I renewedly dedi- 
 cated myself to my Maker. O ! how I earnestly 
 wish and pray, that the coming year may bo spent 
 more to the glory of God than the last. All the 
 future is wrapt in uncertainty ; but if I am prepared 
 by grace for the reception of trials, it is no matter 
 what they are. If I am to live another year, may 
 I hvc by the faith of Jesus Christ. If I am to die 
 this year, may I die the death of the righteous, for 
 the Redeemer's sake. 
 
 Jan. 25. The path of duty is very narrow. The
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 81 
 
 journey of a christian through this world, resembles 
 a person passing over a deep river on a plank. 
 While he walks cautiously on, watching his foot- 
 steps, he is safe : but if he turns to the right or to the 
 left, or suffers his eyes to be directed to surround- 
 ing objects, he tumbles headlong, and is lost. 
 
 One great source of unhappiness in this life, is 
 expecting too much from it. Those who have learned 
 to regard it merely as a passage to a better, will 
 not be greatly moved at its vexations, and of course 
 really enjoy more than those who take up their rest 
 here. 
 
 Jan. 26. Humility is a lovely grace, especially 
 in youth. But that kind of humility that leads its 
 possessor to rely implicitly on the judgment and 
 and opinions of others, merely because they are 
 older, is a dangerous quality. How many things I 
 see in my past life to regret. It appears as if mem- 
 ory furnished nothing on which I can reflect with 
 pleasure. Folly, as well as sin, marks every thing, 
 and I have reason to blush for past weakness, as well 
 as mourn for past guilt. 
 
 Feb. 1. To-morrow is communion ; but the de- 
 parture of our truly christian brother will sadden 
 our hearts, when we behold his place vacant. But 
 why should the church mourn his early exit ? He 
 has escaped many sorrows, many temptations, and 
 many sins, and is now probably feasting on that love,
 
 82 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 
 
 of which the sacrament is only a token. Why my 
 unprofitable hfe is continued, while others so useful 
 are called away is a mystery. I can only say, 
 " Even so Father, for so it hath seemed good in thy 
 sight." 
 
 Feb. 6. Our danger is almost as great, when 
 discharging a k?iown duty, as at other times ; for the 
 idea that we are well employed, makes us careless 
 as to our motives of action. 
 
 Feb. 8. I am so ignorant Avhat would promote 
 my real happiness, it is strange that I should ever 
 wish to choose for myself. I feel that I am a rebel 
 in will, and a child in judgment. My inability to 
 judge of God's designs, by present dealings, has 
 been clearly discovered to me, and I am convinced 
 I have no reason to be disheartened in any circum- 
 stances, however perplexing. When the hopes of 
 heaven are so sweet, and the fears of hell so dread- 
 ful, how can I be interested in earthly things to the 
 degree I frequently am ? It would seem that the 
 consideration of such important things, for one 
 moment, would entirely absorb the mind, and make 
 it dead to the world. 
 
 Feb. 19. My failures in duty are so numerous, 
 my relapses into sin so constant, I am almost tempted 
 to renounce my profession, and give up all in de- 
 spair. But I am told by writers on experimental 
 religion, that such temptations are froni the devil,
 
 MEMOIRSOFM.ARYLYON. 83 
 
 and therefore it would be sinful to listen to them. 
 Could he prevail with me to cease using the means 
 of grace, I am lost forever, and the enemy triumphs. 
 
 March 6. To-day I have passed through a most 
 severe trial, but I hope God was with mc, and that 
 I passed through it without sin. Yesterday I was 
 engaged in the duties of my new office, as Secretaiy 
 to the Female Charitable Society, and had an oppor- 
 tunity of witnessing the evils of poverty. The 
 world regards the happiness of the christian as not 
 worth possessing. But if there is any happiness 
 here, it arises from faith in God, and a hope of glory 
 through Christ. 
 
 March 23. The word of inspiration unfolds the 
 mystery at once, why persons are so attached to 
 this world, and yet find it a place of so much sor- 
 row and suffering. Sin is the cause why this life is 
 so joyless, and the reason why mankind are so un- 
 willing to quit it, and appear in the presence of a 
 holy God. Guilt makes the sinner cling to the 
 world, as the criminal clings to his prison, rather 
 than appear at the bar of condemnation. There has 
 been much conversation within a few days on the 
 lawfulness of attending balls and the theatre. If 
 these sins are not as heinous in the sight of God as 
 some others, do they not excite levity ? and after all 
 that can be said, do real christians desire any such 
 amusements ?
 
 84 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 March 25. God has provided a righteousness, 
 independent of the creature, which will justify the 
 believer at the bar of God. If I am saved, I shall 
 remain to eternity a proof of the doctrine of free 
 grace, and the electing love and mercy of God. If 
 we had a just sense of the magnitude of God's love 
 towards us, we could not avoid loving each other. 
 Gratitude to the blessed Savior, would constrain us 
 to obey all his commandments, and this of loving 
 our fellow creatures with the rest. 
 
 April 26. How little do I realize this is the morn- 
 ing on which the blessed Savior rose from the grave. 
 This heavy world hangs upon my affections, that 
 would rise to God, and weighs them down to earth. 
 Like my happy namesake, I long to go forth to the 
 tomb of my divine Lord, and feel the power of his 
 resurrection, in a resurrection from all sin. 
 
 May 1. Walked out this afternoon with Eliza- 
 beth. Afterwards visited a sick negro woman, ap- 
 parently near the grave. She appeared sensible that 
 death was approaching, but ignorant of the neces- 
 sary preparation for it. I endeavored to instruct 
 her, according to the best of my ability. Our Crea- 
 tor has given us the power of " refusing the evil and 
 choosing the good," consequently final rejection is 
 chargeable on/y to the moral state of the will and 
 affections, and not to the decree of the Almighty. 
 
 May 10. This morning I was very much melted
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, §5 
 
 in prayer, and my heart seemed to feel what my 
 hps uttered : at meeting too, during the first prayer, 
 my thoughts wandered less than usual. I thank my 
 God for this mercy. The service of God is a delight 
 when I can shut out the world and be " in the Spirit." 
 
 May 14. How full of sin is my heart ! I am 
 sometimes astonished to find lurking in my bosom, 
 some wicked passion I thought was subdued. A 
 week ago to-day I found myself under the influence 
 of the hateful passion of envy. And now I record 
 it, that when I see it written down against me, I may 
 be ashamed of my vileness, and in future shun this 
 abominable sin. This feeling is as foolish, as it is 
 detestable. What earthly good is worth envying ? 
 Who is happy or even contented ? What heart is 
 wholly free from some bitterness which is peculiar- 
 ly its own ? How irrational then to suppose that 
 happiness rests on a httle outward good, — and how 
 dreadfully wicked to disobey the command, " Re- 
 joice with them that do rejoice." 
 
 May 18. This morning I prayed earnestly to be 
 delivered from the love of human praise, and the 
 dread of being neglected and despised ; by those 
 whom I esteem. I long to be regardless of the 
 respect, attention, dislike, and even contempt of my 
 fellow creatures : for what is the judgment of man 
 worth ? The esteem of the worthy is desirable, it 
 is true, but even this may excite vanity : and it may 
 8
 
 86 MEMOIRS OF MARYLYON. 
 
 also be unfounded. " Man looketh on the outward 
 appearance ; but the Lord looketh on the heart." 
 
 May 19. We pursue a shadow, when we seek 
 comfort in any thing but religion. Alone with my 
 bible, and sometimes I hope with my God, my mind 
 is peaceful, and my heart finds rest. But when en- 
 gaged in the things of this life, and in company with 
 the people of the world, I feel uneasy, and long for 
 the moment of release, as a captive longs for liberty. 
 I hope ingratitude to God,- for the mercies I enjoy, 
 is not the cause of this world-loathing, ^but truly 
 with me ; " Earth is a tiresome place." 
 
 May 21. To-day a kind of gloomy discourage- 
 ment has filled my mind. I have however, endea- 
 vored to be diligent in my daily occupations, that if 
 I could not make any progress in the christian hfe, 
 I might at least fill up my time in useful employ- 
 ments. I have been tempted to consider the obsta- 
 cles in my way to heaven as wholly insurmountable, 
 and to regard my trials as greater than any ones. 
 But I think, (if I know my own heart,) I should not 
 dread these peculiar trials as much as I do, if they 
 did not lead me directly into sin. 
 
 Friday, 22. No words can describe the gloom 
 and agony of my mind. " Deep calleth unto deep," 
 and I am overwhelmed. The world is a desert, 
 and life a burden ; and to make my misery com- 
 plete, I feel as if God had forsaken me, and given
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 87 
 
 me up a prey to sin and sorrow. God of mercy 
 appear for me now, for never, never, did a wretch- 
 ed creature need help more ! 
 
 Saturday, 23. Yesterday the agony of my mind 
 was so great, that I was obliged to leave a large 
 party who were here, and leave the room to avoid 
 observation, and seek support from God. I pray- 
 ed fervently, with fixed attention, for some time, 
 and found sensible relief. In the evening I heard 
 a lecture from these words : " If any man sin, &c." 
 1 John ii. 1. After I came home, and to-day gene- 
 rally, I have felt a sweet spirit of patience and re- 
 signation, such as I have not experienced for a long 
 time. I feel willing to suffer. 
 
 Sabbath, 24. The mental tranquillity I experi- 
 enced yesterday is in some degree continued to- 
 day, and I desire to bless God therefor. I hope 
 the cause of my distress, on Friday, will never pro- 
 duce the same effect again ; for, in the strength of 
 Divine grace, I am determined to conquer. 
 
 Monday, 25. Once or twice to-day I have felt 
 a gloomy apprehension at what I fear awaits me, 
 but the power of God is infinite, and I rely on that 
 to carry me through all. 
 
 June 4. This afternoon I experienced a mental 
 depression, occasioned by discovering another proof 
 of my astonishing weakness. Last night my sleep 
 was disturbed, and I awoke early in much agitation.
 
 88 M E M O I R S O r M A R Y L Y N . 
 
 When trouble comes upon me, I can find no way 
 of relief but to kneel down and pour out my soul 
 before God. We can foreseee but little what kind 
 of trials await us, I have suffered from causes which 
 of all others I least expected, and might almost have 
 defied. 
 
 June 9. My mind has been calm to-day, and 
 that sinking gloom, I so often experience, has not 
 been suffered to attack me. Those only who have 
 felt this mental despondency, can have any ade- 
 quate idea of its bitterness. Words cannot de- 
 scribe it ; but I bless my God for this day's tran- 
 quillity. 
 
 June 10. I have been this afternoon to my 
 aged grandmother's. I saw a woman at work 
 there who was born, educated, and lived, till within 
 a few years, in the lap of affluence and luxury, and 
 is now obliged to earn her bread by labor, or re- 
 turn to the alms-house, where she has been an in- 
 mate. What an instructive lesson this teaches me 
 of the fleeting nature of all earthly good. My 
 mind still remains calm, and I feel a sweet spirit 
 of hope and confidence in God. How lovely is 
 true religion ! how happy it makes the soul ! 
 
 June 13. I have parted with two christian 
 friends, for whom, though our acquaintance was 
 short, I {hv\ a christian friendship. One of them 
 told rnc at parting, our separation would not be
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYO N. 89 
 
 long, for we should soon meet again, meaning in 
 heaven, for we shall probably see each other no 
 more on earth. God of love grant this may be 
 the case. 
 
 June 15. The world is a very subtle enemy to 
 my soul. I feel it so peculiarly of late. Indeed, I 
 am surrounded by enemies on every sid^, who hunt 
 for my soul with unceasing exertions, and my 
 worst foes are the sins and wicked passions of my 
 own heart. These are the traitors in the citadel, 
 and therefore outward enemies are encouraged to 
 attack it with violence. I have been reading the 
 life of David Brainard, and have experienced 
 pleasure, surprise, and concern in the perusal ; 
 pleasure, to think that any of the fallen race of 
 Adam could arrive at his eminence in grace ; sur- 
 prise, that any human heart could be so divested 
 of selfishness as his ; concern, that I fall so far 
 short. Yet I long to feel like Brainard ; to act. to 
 live, and die like him. 
 
 June 21. Surely no individual of the sinful race 
 of Adam, ever had the .reason to bless God that I 
 have. No fallen creature ever had the cause for 
 gratitude and love, to the blessed Giver of grace 
 and strength, that I have. How is it possible I can 
 ever distrust God ! How can I ever sink under any 
 prospects, however discouraging, when there is such 
 strength in the arm of Jehovah 1 O ! my dear 
 8*
 
 90 M E M I R S O F M A R Y L Y 5^ 
 
 Savior, pardon my want of faith ; and enable me, 
 with humility and holy confidence, always to trust 
 entirely to Thee. 
 
 June 22. What a relief to the burdened soul is 
 prayer ! How often has my sad heart been light- 
 ened by this salutary remedy. When I cannot 
 find comfoft here, I can find it nowhere. There 
 was once a long, very long season, when I could 
 not attempt to draw near to God, without being 
 driven back by horror and dismay. But, blessed 
 be God, it is not so now. I can pour out, not only 
 my sorrows, but my sins, before the throne of the 
 Father, Son, and Spirit : and sometimes, when 
 corruption is strongest, prayer is most fervent ; as 
 if faith overcame those fears my monstrous sins 
 would naturally excite. This afternoon I have en- 
 joyed a sweet season of prayer, and feel sensibly 
 refreshed by it. 
 
 June 23. God is continually reminding me,, 
 that it is folly to expect happiness in this life ; and 
 I feel convinced the best way to enjoy it, is to ex- 
 pect nothing from it, and to regard it merely as a 
 stormy ocean, over which we must pass to reach 
 the desired haven. We should only be anxious to 
 steer the right course, guard against dangers, and 
 secure a safe arrival in port, without being very so- 
 licitous to find enjoyment on the voyage, which 
 would never be the aim of a prudent mariner.
 
 MEMOIRSOP MARY LYON, 91 
 
 Could we view life thus, it would save us much 
 trouble. 
 
 June 24. The Lord appears from time to time, 
 to be showing me to myself; and I frequently dis- 
 cover some trait in my disposition or temper, that 
 I thought entirely extirpated, or, at least, wholly 
 subjugated. God only can make the leper clean. 
 My mind is generally more tranquil than it was 
 some time since, and I think I feel more submission 
 to the deahngs of Providence. I have experienced 
 help from God, when I least expected it ; and in 
 situations where I thought, (before they arrived,) I 
 should certainly sink. This leads me to hope I 
 shall hereafter be supported when trials press upon 
 me. 
 
 June 26. The declaration of war with England 
 lias thrown the country into a state of alarm and 
 consternation. It is painful to observe the want of 
 faith and confidence in God, that prevails, even 
 among those who call themselves christians. By 
 their conversation it is evident, " God is not in all 
 their thoughts ;" and they tremble under the rod, 
 without considering who hath appointed it. Christ's 
 little flock are always safe, in war as well as peace ; 
 and will soon become inhabitants of the kingdom of 
 eternal peace. 
 
 June 27. There is a wide difference between 
 afflictions sent upon us by the immediate hand of
 
 93 M E M I R S F M A R Y L Y N . 
 
 God, and those brought upon us by our own sins 
 or the sins of others. To the former, it is our duty 
 to submit unreservedly. To the latter, (where 
 moral evil is concerned,) submission may encour- 
 age sin. The difficulty of distinguishmg between 
 these, is what so often troubles me. 
 
 How happy are those who have trodden the 
 whole length of tliis wilderness world — passed the 
 Jordan of death in peace, and are now safe landed 
 on the shores of the heavenly Canaan, beyond the 
 reach of sin and sorrow. With them, temporal 
 evils have ceased, spiritual conflicts are over ; and 
 what is far better, they are placed beyond the pos- 
 sibihty of sinning. O ! when shall I, a poor sinner, 
 enjoy tliis blessedness. 
 
 July 2. To-day, although I have been very 
 busy, my mind has been oppressed by gloom and 
 misgivings, respecting the different sects that pre- 
 vail in the christian world. But may I not hope, 
 Christ has some followers among all those who de- 
 serve to be styled christian denominations ? And 
 am 1 not frequently assured, that " neither circum- 
 cision availcth any thing, nor uncircumcision, but 
 a new creature." If true religion consists in faith 
 and holiness, surely, the outward form is nothing 
 essential. 
 
 July 4. My spirits are low, and it would be 
 wonderful if they were not. I have no hope but in
 
 MEMOIRS or Mary LYON, 93 
 
 the mercy of God, through Jesus Christ ; and al- 
 though there is a fullness of grace in him, it seems 
 impossible such a mass of moral corruption as I 
 am, can ever enter the abode of perfect holiness in 
 heaven. 
 
 July 7. Yesterday afternoon I accompanied the 
 family into the woods, about three miles from town, 
 to take tea and enjoy the cool air ; the weather 
 here being oppressively warm. The evening finds 
 me enjoying many blessings, among them mental 
 tranquillity. How much cause have I to feel a con- 
 stant glow of gratitude to God. 
 
 July 10. I am prone to look forward with dread, 
 to events I think will be distressing, and with joy, 
 to those I hope will be happy ; v/hen perhaps, the 
 arrival of hoili, convinces me I have erred in my 
 expectations. Faith settles all these difficulties by 
 giving up future things entirely to God. How can 
 any one who really wishes to lead the life of a 
 christian, seek after such things as are manifestly 
 hindrances to a growth in grace, such as worldly 
 company, &c. ? It is astonishing how those live 
 who feel no interest in the hopes religion holds out. 
 What do they lean upon when heavy troubles press 
 upon them ? Almost every day I find need of sup- 
 port, and fly to religion as my only prop to keep 
 my soul from sinking. Yet I see many who wholly 
 disregard it, in adversity as well as prosperity.
 
 94 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 July 16. Happy would it be, were I always un- 
 der the dominion of sanctified reason, and not so 
 often influenced by feeling, as I find myself. The 
 feelings are dangerous guides ; and yet the great- 
 est portion of mankind are entirely under their di- 
 rection, and know no other rule of action, but the 
 wishes and desires of their own depraved and falli- 
 ble hearts. This is too often my case, and, like 
 an indulged child, they frequently make me bitterly 
 lament my imprudent and hurtful indulgence. This 
 afternoon I'ode out of town a few miles on business. 
 The cares of the world discomposed my mind once 
 or twice to-day, though I strove against it. It 
 seems almost impossible to keep up a sense of 
 divine things, while troubled about many worldly 
 concerns. 
 
 Saturday, 18. How I rejoice, that the sweet 
 sabbath is drawing nigh ! It appears to operate as a 
 balm for all the wounds received during the week. 
 Happy emblem of that eternal rest that awaits the 
 true believer in Jesus ! It also, (after the worldly 
 business and confusion of the week are over,) pre- 
 sents to the mind a striking picture of that rest in 
 the Redeemer, the soul enjoys after being pursued 
 by the terrors of the law, and driven about by doubts 
 and perplexity. My soul desires to bless God for 
 giving me his sabbaths. 
 
 July 23. To-day has been improved as a pub-
 
 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 95 
 
 lie fast throughout this state, in consequence of the 
 present war with Great Britain. The morning dis- 
 course was adapted to the occasion, and was pe- 
 cuUarly solemn and excellent. The afternoon, un- 
 fortunately, partook of party spirit and political 
 prejudice, though many remarks were good and 
 worthy of observation. I wish to live a life of 
 faith on the Son of God : for, in addition to higher 
 motives, I am convinced it is the only one that can 
 yield enjoyment here. Faith enables its possessor 
 to look back with composure, regard the present 
 with moderation, and give up the future entirely 
 into the hands of God. And surely, if there is any 
 happiness on this side of the grave, it is such a state 
 of mind as this. The gloom and anxiety which 
 often clouds my views would disappear, had I at- 
 tained that measure of this precious grace. But 
 my faith will be weak while the work of sanctifica- 
 tion progresses so slowly. I see clearly the con- 
 nection between holiness and faith, sin and distrust. 
 July 25. What a labyrinth is this world ! Un- 
 certainty attends every thing — we are uncertain 
 what would promote our happiness ; what would ex- 
 pose us to evil, and often, very often, ignorant of the 
 true path of duty. Sometimes all is darkness, and 
 the soul nearly discouraged by doubt and perplex- 
 ity. Sometimes the fear of taking a wrong step 
 keeps us inactive, when we sin by not acting, and
 
 96 M E M 1 R S O F M A R Y L Y O N . 
 
 materially injure ourselves and others. The Lord 
 give me wisdom from on high. 
 
 July 31. The creation of an immortal, imma- 
 terial spirit, in the first place, and when that spirit 
 has become defiled all over with sin, to renew it in 
 Christ Jesus unto holiness, is such a manifestation 
 of power, wisdom, love, compassion, and astonish- 
 ing condescension, as eternity alone can enable us 
 to comprehend. 
 
 Aug. 4. How easily^ (did I not strive against 
 it,) might a mind, formed with such peculiar pro- 
 pensities to melancholy as mine, become a prey ta 
 despair. But it must not be. I see a life before 
 me of duties and sufferings ; and I find it neces- 
 sary to gird up my loins, that I may be enabled to- 
 perform the one with fidelity and bear the other 
 with patience. It is sometimes a pleasing reflec- 
 tion, that life itself will soon be over, and with it, all 
 these trials. God grant me at last, a triumphant 
 passage over Jordan, and a merciful reception in 
 the heavenly Canaan. 
 
 Aug. 6. Tuesday I attended the committee 
 meeting ; I felt very ill, and some conversation I 
 heard in the afternoon agitated me extremely, so 
 that the mental depression 1 experienced before I 
 left home appeared to be almost prophetic. Sick- 
 ness in the family, in connection with other things, 
 casts a shade around me ; yet no words can ex-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 97 
 
 press how much cause I have for praise and 
 thanksgiving to the Giver of all good. I long to 
 feel assured, that no trial shall come upon me 
 greater than I have strength to bear ; that grace 
 shall be in proportion to my need ; and that I shall 
 not be called to pass through the peculiar trial I 
 so much fear. I can do nothing but cast myself 
 on God. If this cruel affliction awaits me, the 
 Lord carry me through it, is all I can say ; for I 
 am nothing and less than nothing. 
 
 Aug. 9. When I reflect on the great work I 
 was sent into the world to perform, and the com- 
 parative nothingness of all things below, I feel 
 amazed at myself, at my worldly mindedness, my 
 desire after earthly good, my anxiety about tem- 
 poral concerns, and my despondency under trouble. 
 Jesus Christ is the only needful good, and to pos- 
 sess him I must have repentance, faith, and holi- 
 ness. How strange it is that I, or any other one, 
 who pants after these things, should not pursue 
 them with all the heart, and soul, and mind, and 
 strength, as the sum and substance of all that is 
 truly desirable. I am a perfect contradiction ; 
 without consistency, and an astonishment to myself. 
 
 Aug. 11. How dangerous it is to tamper with 
 the feelings. After reading works of the imagina- 
 tion, calculated to interest the heart but weaken the 
 mind, I am half wild, and for that reason, as well 
 9
 
 98 MEMOIRSOFMARYLYON. 
 
 as others, I shun such works as I would a serpent. 
 Once I was ignorant of their baneful effect, and 
 swallowed the poison because it was sweet. Dear- 
 bought experience, and I trust something better, 
 has convinced me, not only of their ruinous t€n- 
 denc)', but the shi of wasting time in their perusal. 
 Mental peace and mental purity require, not only 
 obedient passions, but well regulated feelings and a 
 well governed imagination. 
 
 Aug. 22. I have been enabled, in one or two 
 instances, to practice self-denial, and this is a much 
 greater mercy than to have my wishes granted. I 
 find trials of various kinds pressing upon me ; but 
 a secret something keeps me from sinking, and I 
 still hope for the removal of all these evils, or a 
 sanctified improvement of them. I feel astonished 
 when I hear aged christians, (after expressing a 
 hope of glory, amounting almost to assurance,) de- 
 clare they still desire to live longer. If this world 
 has so few charms for me, who am surrounded with 
 countless mercies, and uncertain but this is all my 
 portion, how is it possible, it can for one moment 
 lure the stay of a soul convinced of its vanity and 
 rejoicing in hope of heaven. 
 
 Aug. 30. If I am really a child of God and a 
 truly converted person, I believe before I die, I 
 shall pass througli a season of severe spiritual dark- 
 ness : foF I aln so stupid, that my conscience is al-
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 99 
 
 most sermon-proof, and it is nearly impossible to 
 rouse my soul from its lethargy. Every thing 
 within me and around me, seem conspiring to draw 
 my mind from God and religion ; and though I 
 struggle to repel their influence, it appears like op- 
 posing a straw to the torrent. Truly salvation is 
 all of grace. 
 
 Sept. 3. Yesterday I passed a gloomy day. 
 Mamma's illness, and other trials, nearly over- 
 whelmed me. Towards evening I went to see my 
 grandmother, and after conversing with her felt 
 more composed. This morning my heart melted 
 a little in prayer, and afterwards, reading a descrip- 
 tion of the Savior's sufferings, my tears flowed 
 freely ; and I was enabled to feel in some degree 
 as I wished. The stone for a season appeared to 
 be turned into flesh, and I had some sense of what 
 my dear blessed Jesus endured for sin. O ! that 
 I loved him as I ought. Would that every mem- 
 ber of this family belonged to the family of God. 
 
 Sept. 6. The scriptures mention three great 
 enemies of fallen man ; the world, the flesh, and 
 the devil, and bids us beware of their wiles. Which 
 of the three has the most power over my poor soul 
 I cannot determine. But certain it is, something 
 leads me into sin every day ; and something pre- 
 vents my sorrowing for it £is I ought. With re- 
 spect to the world, (if I know my own heart,) I
 
 100 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 am not in as much danger from its pleasures as 
 from its cares and sorrows ; and no place or em- 
 ployment is exempt from their intrusion. 
 
 Sept. 7. What an evil and bitter thing sin is. 
 Sometimes, when I reflect upon some particular sin, 
 that memory calls up, it pierces my heart like a 
 dagger, and I would give worlds to recall it, but 
 in vain. It is numbered with the years beyond the 
 flood, and I can only lament it, pray for pardon, 
 and strive to shun it hereafter. O ! how I fail in 
 relative duties. At times I can say, (I think with 
 sincerity,) like Job, " I ablior myself," but fear I 
 cannot add, and " repent in dust and ashes ;" for 
 repentance includes a ceasing from sin, and I fall 
 into the same sins again. O ! if I could feel the 
 power of sin broken within me, if I could find all 
 my corruptions effectually subdued, no earthly hap- 
 pincss would equal mine. 
 
 Sept. 10. The return of this gay season, is cal- 
 culated to awaken many painful reflections in my 
 mind, on a variety of subjects ; yet my spirits are 
 unruffled. Bless the Lord, my soul, for his unmer- 
 ited goodness to me. Yesterday was commence- 
 ment, and the town was a scene of noise and dissi- 
 pation. I attended the exhibitions both parts of the 
 day. This morning heard a sermon from Luke xvi. 
 26. To-morrow mamma leaves home for Killing- 
 worth. I hope God will make this little journey, a 
 means of restoring her health.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 101 
 
 Sept. 12. A confused and tiresome week is now 
 ended. Providence has seen fit to place me in a 
 situation where I am surrounded by company, busi- 
 ness, confusion, and the sure consequence of all 
 these sins. The " still small voice" can hardly be 
 heard, amidst this continued scene of hurry and 
 noise ; and divine things are forcibly driven from 
 the mind. I am sometimes constrained to exclaim 
 with the Psalmist, " Woe is me that I sojourn in 
 Mesech, that I dwell in the tents of Kedar !" 
 
 Sept. 21. God is bountiful to me and mine. My 
 father has been relieved from a dangerous disease, 
 and we hear favorable accounts from my mother. 
 The temporal mercies we enjoy, as a family, are in- 
 numerable, and we have also the offers of salvation : 
 but O ! what answerable returns do we make ? I 
 fear for my friends, as well as myself. May the 
 Lord incline all our hearts to keep his law. 
 
 Sept. 28. Saturday I visited the death-bed of a 
 christian. She was an ignorant negro woman. I 
 was told she was unable to read. But the Holy 
 Spirit had been her instructor, and she was deeply 
 learned in spiritual things. The truths of holy writ 
 were engraven on her heart, and flowed from her 
 lips, — her faith was strong, her hopes bright, and 
 her soul triumphant over death and the powers of 
 darkness, through the name, and only through 
 the name of Jesus. She appeared to taste the joys 
 9*
 
 102 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 of heaven, and was on the wing to depart, that she 
 m'ght be present with the Lord. If those who doubt 
 the truth of Christianity would suffer themselves to 
 witness this scene, they would be constrained to say, 
 " This is the Lord's doings, it is marvellous in our 
 eyes." 
 
 Sept. 29. Last night we received information of 
 the death of John Mansfield, of Cincinnati, a highly 
 valued friend and relative. Possessed of youth, 
 health, beauty, genius, learning, and fame, he is sud- 
 denly called to resign them all, and bow to the king 
 of terrors. Death rarely finds such a victim, and 
 the grave rarely closes over such a prey. But all 
 is vanity : and he has gone, where the smallest de- 
 gree of true faith, is worth all he possessed. Such 
 events yield much instruction to survivors. They 
 teach us, that no earthly possession is worth envy- 
 ing, and that preparation for death is the only object 
 worth pursuing. 
 
 The individual mentioned here, was a native of 
 New Haven, and had been residing a few years in 
 Cincinnati. He commanded a company of volun- 
 teers, who accompanied Gen. Hull in his disastrous 
 northern expedition. Chagrin and disappointment, 
 at Hull's unexpected surrender, and exposure to 
 the night air on the rivers in an open boat, when re- 
 turning to Cincinnati, occasioned a malignant fever.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 103 
 
 which closed his brief and bright career at the age 
 of twenty-four. 
 
 Oct. 5. The face of nature is gradually laying 
 aside her smiles, and assuming the garb of winter. 
 Towards evening the wind rises, and utters that pe- 
 culiar kind of moan, that can can be felt but not 
 described. To-day has been filled up in the dis- 
 charge of domestic duties. How soon the time 
 will arrive, when the performance of every earthly 
 duty will be beyond my power forever ! and how 
 strange that I realize this truth so little. 
 
 Oct. 10. The recollection of past sin, pains me 
 to the heart, and the idea that I cannot recall it, ag- 
 gravates my sufferings. O ! what a dreadful feel- 
 ing is remorse ! yet every year I lay up food for the 
 serpent to feed upon during the next. I hate sin, 
 I long and pray to be delivered from it, yet it clings 
 close to me and I seem to strive in vain. This 
 morning a sense of sin and misery seemed to ex- 
 cite fervent prayer, and my thoughts have wandered 
 less than usual, during the day. 
 
 Oct. 13. To-day my mother has returned from 
 Killingworth, and through the goodness of God, in 
 comfortable health. IMy mind is more tranquil, and 
 I pray I may shun hereafter, those sins which have 
 cost me so many tears and so much heart ache.
 
 104 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 Sin is the parent of sorrow, and if I commit the one, 
 I must expect the other, for they are inseparable. 
 
 Oct. 15. The matter is now agitated in the 
 family, respecting my accompanying Emilia to the 
 South. For myself, I think I am indifferent how 
 it terminates. The Lord order the result as he 
 pleases. I have reason to bless God that my mind 
 is so tranquil, when there are so many things pend- 
 ing, that would naturally produce melancholy. I 
 hope this arises from faith and confidence in God. 
 I think I feel increasing confidence in God, and a 
 firmer practical belief in the doctrine of a partic- 
 ular providence. 
 
 Oct. 17. I have been walking out with one of 
 my sisters, and during the walk, and once or twice 
 before to-day, I have felt a gloom creeping upon my 
 mind, at the thoughts of the approaching separation. 
 But the Lord is good, and let me trust in him. 
 
 Oct. 20. My spirits remain tranquil, but perhaps 
 preparation for the journey and stupidity, are the 
 causes for this mental peace. Surely it is a great 
 thing to go so far and remain so long, such is the 
 uncertainty of all earthly things. Some of my 
 friends I may never sec again, but the Lord help 
 me to put my trust in him. 
 
 Oct. 25. To-morrow morning, (if Providence 
 permits,) I shall bid a long, perhaps a last adieu, to 
 my nearest friends, my native home, and all those
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 105 
 
 familiar objects I have been accustomed to behold 
 from my birth to the present hour. Yet my feel- 
 ings are composed, and my mind perfectly calm. 
 I know not to what cause I must attribute this un- 
 expected tranquillity ; whether to stupidity, or the 
 grace of God. I have prayed frequently and fer- 
 vently for support, when this trial drew near, and 
 that I might be enabled to give up my friends, my- 
 self, and all, into the hands of God unconditionally, 
 with faith and humility of soul. Perhaps my pres- 
 ent state of mind is in answer to prayer. 
 
 Oct. 26. The bells are now tolhng to announce 
 the death of our chief magistrate. How empty 
 are all earthly things ! This mark of respect is 
 unheard by him, and his naked soul, far beyond 
 the reach of earthly honors, is receiving its sentence 
 at the bar of God ; not according to the opinions of 
 political friends or enemies, but the unerring stand- 
 ard of the word of God. 
 
 This journey to Charleston, was performed by 
 land, in a private carriage, taking the road adjacent 
 to the sea coast in going down, and the road through 
 the interior in returning. It is to be regretted, that 
 she has left do record of the incidents of this journey, 
 or any description of the long extent of countiy 
 through which they passed. Her conversation after 
 her return, was highly interesting in both these par-
 
 10§ MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 ticulars : but it cannot be recalled with sufficient ex- 
 actness or connection, to warrant an insertion here. 
 As a concise memoir only was contemplated, and 
 a lapse of nineteen years has produced so many 
 changes, both by deaths and removals, it was con- 
 sidered inexpedient to make any effort to obtain dis- 
 tant letters, written at this, or any other period. 
 Such letters only have been inserted in this me- 
 moir, as were in possession of two of her sisters, 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Fairfield, Oct. 28, 1812. 
 
 We arrived here without much fatigue. Little 
 J. bears riding very well ; and like Mario w, " he 
 makes his father's son welcome everywhere." I 
 suppose you and the family feel lonely this evening ; 
 but a few days will wear away, in some measure, 
 these impressions, though I presume we shall never 
 be forgotten. Our kind Creator has formed us of 
 such materials, that our minds cannot be exercised 
 with precisely the same feelings for a long period. 
 Time, the great instrument in his hands, weakens 
 mental impressions, however painful, and finally 
 wholly efTaccs them. Our parting this morning 
 was distressing, but O ! how trifling compared with 
 that which death occasions. This consideration 
 ought to teach us, not only composure, but gratitude. 
 
 This is the first time I was ever west of West 
 
 ^
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON, 107 
 
 Haven, of course to me all is new. Bridgeport is 
 a thriving little town, and appears like the begin- 
 ning of a large city, Stratford bridge pleased m^ 
 much, because it was so necessary, and appears so 
 well built. I hope it is fully secured against next 
 winter's ice. The horses are manageable and per- 
 form well ; the carriage is very easy, so with the 
 blessing of divine protection, we may hope to pro- 
 ceed in peace and safety. Please remember us af. 
 fectionately to every member of the family, partic- 
 ularly our mother; and tell her we are in good 
 health, and in tolerable spirits. Good night, dear 
 father, may the Watchman of Israel grant us his fa- 
 vor and protection, and we need nothing more. 
 
 TO HER SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Clmrleston, {S. C.) Dec. 25, 1812. 
 My Dear Sophia : — Your kind letter, of Nov. 
 19th, which I found waiting for me on my arrival, 
 deserved an earlier answer ; but the old proverb, 
 " that none are so busy as those who have nothing 
 to do," appears to be exemplified in my case. I 
 am free from care and employment of a domestic 
 nature, still day after day has passed off without my 
 finding a convenient time and place for writing. 
 The father of Mr. B., and his family, received us 
 affectionately, and have constantly manifested a de- 
 sire to make us happy. He is very infirm, and
 
 108 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 goes out little ; and J. appears to yield him considera- 
 ble amusement. Mrs. B. has the care of every- 
 thing relating to the family, and is possessed of 
 great energy of character. Isaac B., as usual, is 
 deeply in love, but kind and pleasant as ever. 
 Claudia is a lovely, happy tempered girl, full of 
 gayety and high spirits, because her exti'eme youth 
 and inexperience throw a vail between her and the 
 world ; and she knows not yet what is behind the 
 scene. Mr. Thomas B., the eldest son, has just 
 returned from Columbia. He is a very talented 
 man, — is mayor of Charleston, and was solicited to 
 stand candidate for governor, but declined. Judge 
 Johnson,* who married the eldest daughter, resem- 
 bles Dr. Mason, of New- York, so much in person? 
 voice, manner, &c., that I can hardly realize they 
 are two beings. 
 
 Mr. B's situation is on a point of land, surround- 
 ed on three sides by water. In front, James' Island 
 is in full view ; and with a spy-glass we can clearly 
 see the mill, plantation, and houses. On the west 
 side runs Ashly River, skirted with woods on the 
 opposite bank, which appear like the region of soli- 
 tude and retirement. In the rear of the house we 
 are still encircled by the river, over which a neat 
 
 * The late William Johnson, of South Carolina, 
 Judge of ihe Supreme Court of the United States.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 109 
 
 white bridge leads into the country. On the east 
 side lies the city, which appears at a distance more 
 like views of London than any other place I have 
 seen. 
 
 If natural and moral beauty were inseparably 
 united, Charleston would stand second to no city 
 in our country ; but the dreadful sin of slavery, 
 like the fretting leprosy of the ancient Jews, 
 pollutes every thing it touches ; and " even the 
 mind and conscience" of the best people here, " are 
 defiled," in some measure, by this horrid iniqui- 
 ty ; as destructive of true enjoyment as it is of 
 virtue. The unhealthiness of the climate may, with- 
 out presumption, be ascribed to this as one of its 
 sources. Independent of the just judgment of God 
 that every sin deserves, these degraded people have 
 a direct tendency to render the air impure. Placed 
 amongst us as they are, with no motive of action 
 but fear, and constantly employed in the lowest 
 and most menial drudgery, then- habits are ex- 
 tremely uncleanly ; this joined to the heat of the 
 climate, and their prodigious number, might produce 
 an unhealthy state of the atmosphere, without any 
 other cause. At some future period, God may raise 
 up another Wilberforce, as his instrument in remo- 
 ving this scourge and iniquity from our southern 
 country. If sister Elizabeth has returned from her 
 visit to Mrs. Everett, tell her I will write soon. 
 10
 
 110 RIEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 January 4, 1813. 
 
 I began this letter on Christmas-day, and end it 
 in another year. " In my mind's eye," I see you 
 all hovering round the fire this evening, and dread- 
 ing to leave it even for a moment. If it will afford 
 you any satisfaction, I can assure you, that we are 
 nearly in the same situation. The weather has been 
 extremely cold to-day, but we are all in good health, 
 and the new year finds us surrounded with mercies. 
 
 I see by the papers, that J. Totten has received 
 a captaincy. I am sure he pays for it dearly in 
 braving the rigor of a Canadian winter, the cannon of 
 the British, and the scalping-knife of the Indian. Tell 
 papa, dear S,, I do not think he is very polite, for I 
 have written him three or four letters, and received 
 no answer ; but his busy season, in making up the 
 yearly accounts at the bank, is a sufficient excuse. 
 
 As Miss Lyon's views of slavery are given in 
 the above letter, it seems necessary to observe, that 
 after her return to Connecticut, she spoke with much 
 feeling, of the many excellent traits she observed in 
 the southern character, more particularly in the cir- 
 cle with which she was immediately connected. 
 The hospitality and kindness they manifested, in 
 seasons of sickness and various other calamities, 
 when friendship is most needed, were often sub- 
 jects of her conversation ; and she related many
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, HI 
 
 acts of disinterestedness and generosity, which had 
 come to her knowledge. The kindness and atten- 
 tion she received personally, were always mentioned 
 with sensibility and gratitude. The subject of this 
 memoir, never called evil good, or good evil ; or 
 supposed sin changed its nature, under any circum- 
 stances ; but deeply realized that she, and her north- 
 ern friends, were also sinners against God, and that 
 " all boasting was excluded." Perhaps few of our 
 fallen race possessed less self-righteousness, or were 
 more ready to extend the mantle of charity over others. 
 
 Charleston, S. C, Feb. 25, 1813. 
 A variety of causes have combined to interrupt 
 my diary. Since the last date, I have performed a 
 journey of nearly seven weeks, and since my arri- 
 val, my time and attention have been almost con- 
 stantly engaged, in a course of duties and concerns 
 that I could not omit. But during all this period, I 
 have abundant cause to " sing of mercy." The 
 protection of God, like the air I breathe, has sur- 
 rounded me in all places, and though continually 
 exposed to dangers, I have been carried through 
 them all in safety. In a land of strangers, far from 
 home, how miserable should I be, did not the provi- 
 dence of God extend to every part of this "sin- 
 worn world," and did I not firmly believe this bless- 
 ed truth. I know that no evil can befall me, but by
 
 112 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 the permission of my heavenly Father, whose good- 
 ness and mercy have always followed me, and never 
 have I trusted him in vain. 
 
 March 1. To-day I have taken a long ride 
 through the city and its vicinity. My life, however, 
 is very domestic, and I seldom go out except to 
 church. If the Lord is with me, it matters little 
 where I am. The shining of his face can make 
 any place happy, and without the light of his coun- 
 tenance all situations are wretched. 
 
 March 15. I have been troubled with an inflam- 
 mation and swelling in my right hand, for more than 
 a week ; and during this period, Satan and sin 
 have assaulted my soul. One day the violence of 
 the attack was so great, that my whole frame be- 
 came seriously disordered through mental agitation, 
 and my friends sent for a physician. Alas ! how 
 little did they or he comprehend my disease. The 
 balm and the Physician of Gilead alone, can ad- 
 minister any health or comfort to me. 
 
 March 16. My mind is more composed, and my 
 hand fast recovering. I pray for grace to make a wise 
 improvement of all God's dispensations towards me. 
 
 March 19. To-day I received a letter from So- 
 phia, informing me of the death of aunt Lyon. 
 The Lord sanctify this event to her poor distressed 
 daughters. No earthly power can comfort them. 
 My hand still troubles me, and my health is not good.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 113 
 
 But ingratitude itself could not complain in my sit- 
 uation. Mercy flows in upon me from every quar- 
 ter, and all that is wanting is a heart to feel it. 
 Heard a sermon last sabbath, on the danger of 
 worldly conformity. It appeared to be a word in 
 season. 
 
 March 24. When I reflect on the dangers through 
 which I passed on my journey, I find abundant 
 cause to believe, not only in the doctrine of God's 
 providence generally, but his special care over me 
 in particular. Happiness is the pursuit of all, but 
 to seek it in this world, is seeking the living among 
 the dead. The wicked certainly do not possess it ; 
 and the righteous have sorrows pecuUarly their own. 
 
 The most prosperous are sighing for something 
 more, and those in adversity can hardly enjoy the 
 mercies they really do possess. 
 
 March, 29. The style of preaching here is truly 
 evangelical ; but the servants of God can say, as in 
 other places, " Who hath beheved our report." The 
 sin of slavery pervades all ranks, and even the chil- 
 dren of grace are not uncontaminated. Interest 
 so far darkens the minds of this people, that they 
 justify the practice, and call evil good. But sla- 
 very is not the only sin, and may the Lord give me 
 grace to watch over my own soul, with all that so, 
 licitude its unspeakable worth demands ! 
 
 April 8. What an inestimable privilege is pray, 
 10*
 
 114 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 er ! I have been endeavoring this morning, to 
 draw water out of the wells of salvation. Keep me 
 this day, my Savior ; make thy strength perfect in 
 my weakness. " Lead me not into temptation, de- 
 liver me from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the 
 power and the glory, forever and ever, — Amen." 
 
 April 10. I find myself more inclined to think 
 of troubles, than to meditate upon mercies ; and this 
 disposition must be corrected. Very few of my 
 fellov/ beings have been called to bear so few great 
 outward aflhctions, as myself ; and perhaps for this 
 very reason my internal mental trials are greater. 
 My spiritual warfare is at times terrible . 
 
 April 19. Yesterday received tidings of the 
 death of N. Mansfield, of Killingworth. God is 
 thus calling away my relatives by death. I pray 
 for a sanctified improvement of all these events. 
 No drowning creature ever longed for preservation, 
 more than 1 sometimes do for holiness : and this 
 desire God has 2^ro?msed shall be satisfied. O ! that 
 I had faith to rest upon this promise ! 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, May 1, 1813. 
 
 My Dear Elizabeth : — E. has removed from 
 
 her confinement, and is apparently in better health 
 
 than for the last four or five years, and is far more 
 
 contented than when here before. But still she
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON." 115 
 
 earnestly wishes to take up her permanent residence 
 in New Haven, and educate her children there. 
 
 * * * * May 4. On reading over what I 
 wrote on Saturday, the reflection crosses my mind, 
 that perhaps I am " disquieting myself in vain." 
 The future is so hidden from us, and so wholly out 
 of our power to regulate, that it seems like folly to 
 exercise any anxiety about it, as respects temporal 
 things. Yet there is a prudent foresight, that every 
 christian is bound to observe, — a little ti?/iely cau- 
 tion has prevented much evil. Mr. H. will tell you 
 everything respecting our present situation and 
 plans. Mr. B. cannot hear a word of my return- 
 ing home this summer ; and the idea of leaving 
 Emilia is so painful, that I believe, all things consid- 
 ered, I shall stay over the season ; and " if I perish, 
 I perish." The difficulties of her going on this 
 summer, with two such infants, seem almost insur- 
 mountable. I feel also desirous of obliging Mr. B. 
 There is nothing in his power to do, to make us 
 happy, that he will neglect : and if the fever ap- 
 pears, he will convey us to SuUivan's Island, and re- 
 main through the summer. 
 
 Judge Law it seems, has renewed his addresses 
 to Sarah. He was always esteemed by me, and I 
 consider him an excellent man. But still I hope 
 S. will not take this important step, without " first 
 sitting down and counting the cost." She cannot
 
 116 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 be both married and single, she cannot unite the ad- 
 vantages of both conditions in one. I can only 
 pray, the Lord order future events in mercy, and 
 sanctify the past. 
 
 May 10. Awoke this morning in a happy frame 
 of mind, and was enabled to lift up my heart to God, 
 with praise and gratitude. Love and thanksgiving 
 seemed to fill my soul. I am more and more con- 
 vinced, that the seat of happiness is the mind. Ex- 
 ternal circumstances have but little effect. 
 
 May 19. Nature appears lovely, and the tran- 
 quillity of morning is soothing to the mind. But 
 my far-off home, my far-distant friends, this sickly 
 clime which brings death near ; and above all sin, 
 casts a gloom over my mind, which I cannot re- 
 move. O ! for a ray from the sun of righteousness, 
 to dispel these shades and dry these tears ! Faith 
 can do it : and through Christ I trust, I shall finally 
 conquer all my foes, and " put to flight the armies 
 of the aliens." What is before me I cannot tell, 
 neither is it my business to inquire. The path of 
 duty, (when known,) must be pursued with humility 
 and perseverance, and future things left with God. 
 " Sufficient for the day, is the evil thereof." 
 
 May 27. Seven months this day, I left my na- 
 tive roof, and my God only knows, if I shall ever 
 sec it more. Taking all things into consideration,
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 117 
 
 it is very doubtful whether I ever do. The place, 
 the time, — and the manner of my death, is of very 
 little consequence ; the only important thing is to be 
 prepared through faith in Jesus Christ. Sometimes 
 my mind feels easy on the subject, and I can, (in a 
 great measure,) give up health and sickness, hfe and 
 death, time and eternity, to God. Then again, I 
 feel dismayed at the prospect, and think there is yet 
 much to be done, before I can die safely. Sin is 
 the cause of all my sufferings. 
 
 May 29. Thursday afternoon I was again be- 
 set by the dreadful temptation, that has assailed me 
 so powerfully of late. A great part of the night I 
 spent in prayer, for sleep was banished from my 
 eyes, and despair almost took possession of my soul. 
 Yesterday I felt more tranquil, and in the afternoon 
 accompanied the family to James Island, in the hope 
 it might be an instrument of doing me good ; though 
 agitation of mind, and want of sleep, made me weak 
 and indisposed. Last night I slept quietly, and to- 
 day my mind is comfortable. The great God with 
 whom is all power, appear for me, and deliver me 
 from " this thorn in the flesh," " this messenger of 
 Satan." 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, June 23, 1813. 
 You can hardly imagine, my dear father, how 
 happy we were to see your hand- writing once more.
 
 118 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 
 
 Your long silence had created a considerable de- 
 gree of surprise and anxiety. We rejoice to hear 
 that your health, and that of the family, have gen- 
 erally been good ; though God has commissioned 
 sickness and death to enter within our borders, and 
 consign to the grave many of our acquaintances. 
 The scriptures speak of " length of days," as a pe- 
 culiar blessing, — and if so, we have reason for grat- 
 itude, that our lives are continued thus far ; and I 
 hope the time which yet remains, will not be mis- 
 improved by us. 
 
 Charleston is at present tolerably healthy. A 
 few cases of the country fever have appeared ; but 
 as none are attacked but those who have been liv- 
 ing among the rice-swamps, and the fresh water 
 stagnant-ponds, we are not considered subjects. 
 Those who are seized with it, are brought down to 
 Charleston for change of air, which proves very 
 beneficial. We have not been in town since this 
 month commenced, and calculate to remain prison- 
 ers the remainder of the summer. I have suffered 
 less with heat than I expected. Our situation is so 
 very airy, that when the mercury stands at 88 or 
 90 degrees, we have such a gale we can hardly 
 bear the windows open. That passage of your let- 
 ter which referred to old Mr. Bennett, I read to 
 him. He thanks you for your attention. His 
 health continues very poor, and part of the time he
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 119 
 
 is quite confined. Little J. grows apace. He has 
 become very brown, and goes about the house with 
 a whip, and if mamma could see him now, she 
 would call him a complete commodore. Sometimes 
 he sets up family government over Lois, and not- 
 withstanding his early age, we find old Adam begins 
 to appear. I was glad to hear, dear father, that your 
 winter evenings, with Col. Mansfield's* assistance, 
 had been devoted to your favorite study. Algebra. 
 I hope it was an instrument of relieving your mind 
 from care, and the pressure of business. I am 
 sorry, particularly on your account, that he is going 
 to leave New Haven : for, as Hamlet says of his 
 father, " take him all in all, we shall not look upon 
 his like again." 
 
 TO HER PARENTS IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, July 22, 1813. 
 My Dear Father and my Dear Mother : — 
 This letter will be the messenger both of bad and 
 good tidings. Bad, when I inform you Emilia has 
 been sick — good, when I add she is fast recover- 
 ing. The 27th of June, the same day Sarah was 
 man-ied, she was seized with a fever, which con- 
 tinued three weeks. It is nearly a week since it 
 
 * The late Col. Jared Mansfield, professor at West 
 Point.
 
 120 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 left her ; her appetite has returned ; she is taking 
 bark and wine, and will probably soon be able to 
 go down stairs. Perhaps we should not have in- 
 formed you of this circumstance at all, had we not 
 feared you would hear of it from some other source, 
 with exaggerations. I hope, my dear parents, we 
 shall none of us forget the goodness of God in this 
 event. It appears to be a special interposition of 
 his mercy in my favor, and my prayer is, that I may 
 regard it as such. I shall write again in two or 
 three days, because I know your anxiety ; (yet I 
 assure you she is now preparing to eat some broiled 
 chicken and homminy.) In the meantime, let us 
 offer to the Preserver of our lives, a tribute of grati- 
 tude for his distinguishing kindness to us more 
 than to others. No reason can be given for it, but 
 this, " Even so Father, for so it hath seemed good 
 in thy sight." 
 
 Our minds have been so absorbed, that we have 
 hardly thought of S's marriage ; but as far as hu- 
 man judgment can extend, we have reason to be- 
 lieve it will promote the happiness of all parties. 
 The citizens of Charleston are in a state of alarm, 
 respecting the British squadron, now only one hun- 
 dred and fifty miles off. Tliey are repairing and 
 manning the forts, and making preparation to re- 
 ceive admiral Cockburn. The course the enemy 
 have taken in the middle States, may well excite
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 121 
 
 terror. The beautiful little village of Havre de 
 Grace, (where we slept two nights,) is laid in ruins ; 
 and the house where we lodged burnt to ashes. 
 When we were there they were building a new 
 meeting house, which the British left standing, out 
 of respect to religion. How strange, that the hu- 
 man mind can ever be so enveloped in darkness as 
 to suppose, that taking hold of the " horns of the 
 altar" will absolve, in any degree, from the guilt of 
 rapine, violence, and murder. 
 
 The children are well ; and though night-watch, 
 ing, fatigue, and anxiety, have taken off some of my 
 flesh, yet I have been brought thus far by that good 
 Being, whose grace is sufficient for every emer- 
 gency, and I have cause for nothing but thankful- 
 ness and praise, 
 
 E. and myself long to have my dear father and 
 mother taste of some of our delicious fruit. We 
 have ripe figs, fresh from the trees, so rich, that the 
 honey drops from them when opened. Yesterday 
 we had a watermelon tv/o and a half feet long. 
 
 Love to grandmother, uncle G. Mansfield's fam- 
 ily, uncle Lyon and family, Mrs. Leffingwell and 
 family, with aU the remainder of our relatives. I 
 will endeavor to add a few words in the morning 
 before the mail closes. 
 
 July 23. 
 
 Dr. P. has taken leave of E., and, to use his own 
 11
 
 122 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 words, resigned her over to the cook. Do let us 
 try to remember this fresh instance of divine mercy 
 — " let us take the cup of thanksgiving, and make 
 mention of the goodness of the Lord, who hath 
 dealt so bountifully with us." 
 
 Mr, B. and myself have nursed her entirely, as 
 she could not bear that any other one should en- 
 ter the chamber. But God has strengthened me, 
 in the inward and outward man, and blessed be 
 his name forever. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, Aug, 2, 1813. 
 
 My Dear Sophia : — * * * * 
 
 ******** 
 
 Mr. Leland, a clergyman of this city, is going to 
 the north. He will call on you, and if convenient, 
 I would request some member of the family to in- 
 troduce him to Mr. Taylor. Mr. T. will run no 
 risk of hearing any thing contrary to sound doc- 
 trine by inviting him into his desk. Elizabeth will 
 remember him perfectly. 
 
 The sickly season has arrived, dear S., and I 
 frequently think " the ides of March are come," 
 and where I may be before they are past. The 
 words of the great Ca3sar, and the soothsayer's re- 
 ply, occur very often to my mind ; but I cannot 
 say they produce any alarm. I never felt less fear
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 123 
 
 of sickness in my life than at present. If this tran- 
 quillity arises from ignorance of my danger, and a 
 stupidity of soul, it may be most dreadfully shaken 
 before long ; but if it proceeds from a sincere and 
 firm belief in the doctrine of God's general and 
 particular providence, and of his eternal sovereignty, 
 in fixing the boundary line of the lives of all his 
 creatures, it is built on the right foundation. I pray 
 God to prepare me, by his grace, for heaven, and 
 then let him do what seemeth him good. 
 
 Afternoon, Aug, 2. 
 
 Mr. B. brought us Elizabeth's and your united 
 letter when he came home to dinner. It was truly 
 acceptable. Your agitation, my dear sister, at part- 
 ing with Sarah, is natural, and your solicitude re- 
 specting our health is also natural. But all we can 
 do, is to give up ourselves and li-iends to him who 
 made us, and let the potter do what he pleases with 
 his own clay. The scriptures teach us, and we 
 find by experience and observation, that " the issues 
 of life" are with God ; and that his Almighty power 
 can as easily preserve the life of David in the pesti- 
 lence as David on the throne. 
 
 The babe is the best child you ever saw — very 
 healthy, and quiet as a lamb. Her father says she 
 resembles me, which is paying the child a poor 
 compliment. If Sarah were to see me now, she 
 would laugh more than she did when I returned
 
 124 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 from Boston. I have grown so black, thin, and 
 homely, that I almost frighten myself. This, how- 
 ever, is a small tiling to me, who never had any 
 beauty to lose. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN MEREDITH, N. Y. 
 
 Charleston, Aug. 26, 1813. 
 
 Dear Sarah : — We received Mr. Law's letter 
 with pleasure, and thank him for his expressions of 
 brotherly affection, and ' hope I shall never do any 
 thing to forfeit it. If God should once more re- 
 store us to the land of our forefathers, we may, 
 through his goodness, enjoy many happy hours, both 
 in M. and N. H., and our meeting be as happy as 
 our separation was painful. But all these things 
 are in the hands of Him, who doeth what he will 
 with his own ; and uncertainty, great uncertainty, 
 is written upon this, as well as upon all other future 
 events. We can only pray, wait, and trust. 
 
 If my mind had not been so engrossed this sum- 
 mer by Emilia's severe illness, other sickness in 
 the family, and poor Claudia's death, I should 
 think more of the loss we have sustained by your 
 marriage. But duty did not require you to remain 
 where you were, and I think we have reason to 
 bless God for effecting this union. We are com- 
 plete captives. Since the first of June we have 
 hardly been out of doors ; and the great aggrava-
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 125 
 
 tion of this confinement is, the omitting of public 
 worship. In this particular, I am uncertain what 
 duty is, and have, therefore, yielded to the wishes 
 and advice of my friends. When Satan endeav- 
 ored to persuade our Savior to cast himself down 
 from the pinnacle of the temple, mentioning, as an 
 inducement, the care of his heavenly Father over 
 his children, Jesus answered, " Thou shalt not 
 tempt the Lord thy God." So it appears that run- 
 ning into danger, uncalled, is tempting God. But 
 when duty is evident, we ought to disregard dan- 
 ger and trust to his care and providence. 
 
 I should like very much to know Mr. Law's 
 opinion on this particular subject. 
 
 August 28. 
 
 Last night we were visited with a violent tor- 
 nado, which spread destruction far and wide. An 
 elegant bridge over Ashley river, which yesterday 
 afternoon appeared so beautiful from the window, 
 we beheld this morning in ruins, and part of it car- 
 ried entirely away. A number of vessels are driven 
 up on the beach — chimneys are blown down — trees 
 and fences lie prostrate ; and one unfinished build- 
 ing lies level with the earth. The wind and rain 
 were violent beyond description. The house rock- 
 ed like a cradle, and we were all up the greatest 
 part of the night. Providence has, however, pre- 
 11*
 
 126 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 served us through the danger, and I pray that my 
 spared hfe may not be spared in vain. 
 
 The people here are longing for cool weather 
 and frosty nights, as with those health will probably 
 return. Health is a mercy every one earnestly 
 covets ; but sickness sinks into a trifle, when com- 
 pared with loss of reason or loss of mental peace ; 
 and it is nothing when compared with the greatest 
 of all evils, sin. The business of life, with many 
 individuals, appears to be only to prolong it, without 
 taking care to improve it ; and to enjoy the days 
 as they roll along, without considering their end. 
 It is truly astonishing, that we can let time pass 
 with so little improvement, and meet one Saturday 
 evening after another, with the same feelings we 
 should experience were they to endure forever. 
 
 It is nearly three weeks since we have heard 
 from our dear absent friends in N. H. ; but they 
 are in the hands of God. This consideration is 
 sometimes a great support to me, and I can rest 
 in it. But when faith is weak, I get melancholy, 
 and am driven from my rest. 
 
 Remember me in your prayers, and ask your 
 husband not to forget me at the throne of grace. 
 Farewell, dear sister ; should we meet no more in 
 this world, the blessed God grant that we may meet 
 in the kingdom of glory, through Jesus Christ, the 
 only support, stay, and comfort of my soul.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, l^J 
 
 TO TWO OF HER SISTERS IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, Nov. 12, 1813. 
 
 My Dear Elizabeth and Sophia : — " As wa- 
 ters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far 
 country ;" and if any thing can gladden my soul, 
 it is to hear, that those I love are in health, and 
 prosper ; especially, that their souls prosper. 
 
 Judging your feelings by our own, we have en- 
 deavored to let you hear from us once in two or 
 three weeks, ever since we left home. Mr. B. ex- 
 pects to go to Columbia next week, and will be ab- 
 sent two or three weeks. If we prefer it, we shall 
 spend the time on James Island, with Mr. B's fa- 
 ther, as Mrs. B. is anxious we should. Last win- 
 ter Claudia was with her, and the vacuum her 
 death has occasioned, is deeply felt both by her and 
 her husband. The other evening our feelings were 
 much pained, with reading the death of a little girl 
 of SLX years of age, named Hannah Gordon, a na- 
 tive of New Haven, Conn. Her parents are sup- 
 posed to be in Savannah, and being in destitute 
 circumstances, left this child with Mr. A. of George- 
 town. About an hour before we read the notice, 
 we were planning to send her a present ; but death 
 frustrated our scheme, as it is has often done those 
 of more consequence.
 
 128 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 November 15. 
 
 Yesterday Emilia carried her little girl to church, 
 and had her baptized by the name of Lois Mans- 
 field. If she is hereafter dissatisfied with her first 
 name, she can be called Mansfield. Surnames for 
 female children are not uncommon here. The 
 changes are so great here in the weather, that 
 sometimes I put on flannel and throw it off two or 
 three times a week ; but yet I prefer this climate 
 much to ours. The proportion of cold in the 
 twelve months is quite sufficient for me ; and for 
 some reason beyond my comprehension, I never felt 
 the heat less, or the cold more sensibly in my life, 
 than during the last year. Give my love to all my 
 relatives, especially grandmother. The poor old 
 lady is left like the "pelican in the wilderness," 
 while all her contemporaries have long since passed 
 over Jordan, and many of them are enjoying the 
 blessings of the promised land. Remember me to 
 Mrs. Lcffingwell, Mrs. Wooster, and Mrs. Beers. 
 I was very much overcome at uncle Beer's death. 
 The friendship he has always manifested for us 
 could not fail of obtaining ours in return. Indeed, 
 I feel as if I had almost lost a second father. The 
 kind affection uncle and aunt B. exercised towards 
 us during the period of childhood, I shall never, 
 never forget. 
 
 Sometimes, my dear sisters, when I reflect upon
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 129 
 
 the changes which have taken place since my ab- 
 sence, I almost feel a tremor at the idea of return- 
 ing. Write soon again, my dear sisters, and mu 
 nutely. Give my love to brother William. Tell 
 him if I never return, I bequeath him my map of 
 New York, as a legacy.* 
 
 TO HER MOTHER IN NEW HAVEN, CONN. 
 
 Charleston, Jan. 5, 1814. 
 
 My Dear Mother : — Your presents by Capt. 
 W. arrived in safety. We thank you for remem- 
 bering us in this way ; and we have not been un- 
 mindful of you. E. and myself have been pre- 
 paring a jar of orange sweetmeats for you and our 
 dear father ; and we think you will not like them 
 the less, from being made by the hands of your ab- 
 sent children. The oranges were presented by a 
 lady on James Island, whose plantation joins Mr. 
 Bennett's. When we were there, we were gratified 
 with the sight of an orange orchard ; large trees 
 full of green fruit, with here and there one of a 
 perfect gold color. When I stood under their 
 branches, I thought how pleased my father would 
 be with such a novel spectacle. 
 
 Mr. Bennett's long protracted infirmities, give us 
 reason to fear they will finally terminate in death. 
 
 * A map presented by an esteemed friend.
 
 130 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 He bears them with cheerfuhiess, and expresses 
 perfect resignation to the will of God, whether it be 
 life or death. If this proceeds from true faith, he 
 is a happy man, and we have reason to think it 
 does, as he manifests such uncommon patience un- 
 der suffering. 
 
 Charleston has sustained a great loss in the death 
 of Dr. Keith. He was a good man, and "showed 
 his faith by his works." His house was the asylum 
 of all who needed his assistance. The poor slaves 
 were the special objects of his attention. Twice a 
 week they met at his house to receive instruction, 
 and he was made an instrument of bringing many 
 of them from the paths of ignorance and sin, to the 
 wisdom of the just. I can hardly feel willing to 
 resign him to death, when I remember how often 
 he has spoken comfort to my soul, in times of trou- 
 ble. " Give yourself up to God and trust in him," 
 he would say to me, while his countenance showed 
 how deeply he experienced, what he was desirous 
 of imparting to others, firm unwavering faith. 
 Death is no evil to those who are in Christ ; but 
 rather an emancipation from the prison of this 
 world, and from the chains that sin has forged for 
 the guilty children of Adam. 
 
 Please give my love to every member of the 
 family, and tell Sophia I long to see her. 1 hope 
 thai you pray for me. Oh, my mother, you know
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 131 
 
 not how much I need your prayers ! But I will not 
 distress you. God has erected a throne of mercy 
 in the heavens. " Thanks be unto God for his un- 
 speakable gift." Do write soon, my dear mother. 
 Your letters are like balm to my soul. 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, March 19, 1814. 
 
 We have received Sophia's letter, acknowledging 
 the reception of Mr. B's letter, conve}dng the 
 tidings of his father's decease, and our then melan- 
 choly situation. 
 
 The removal of any one by death is a solemn 
 and important event ; but when the destroying an- 
 gel is commissioned, (as in the present instance,) 
 to lay prostrate one, who, to an uncommon degree, 
 was the guide, protector, and support of a numer- 
 ous family of children and grandchildren, it is pe- 
 culiarly distressing, and as such his family feel it. 
 Time, however, God's great instrument of impart- 
 ing consolation under bereavements, has mellowed 
 down their feelings, and they are now pursuing 
 their ordinary business with composure, and even 
 with cheerfulness. Mrs. B., the greatest sulferer 
 by this dispensation, to uncommon strength of 
 mind and native fortitude, joins, I believe, christian 
 resignation ; and, notwithstanding the bitterness of 
 a double blow of divine chastisement, she furnishes
 
 132 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 her children with an example of firmness and sub- 
 mission to the will of God. She frequently assures 
 them, that the Lord has a controversy with the 
 family, and exhorts them to make a spiritual im- 
 provement of these afflictions, lest they should 
 prove merely a prelude to greater. 
 
 A short lime before Mr. B's death he made his 
 will, and called me to witness it. After it was fin- 
 ished, he told me a great burden was removed from 
 his mind ; his worldly business was settled accord- 
 ing to his wishes, and he was ready to depart 
 whenever God saw fit. He left his two sons^ 
 Thomas and Joseph, executors of his will. Through- 
 out his whole illness, his patience and cheerfulness 
 were almost unequaled, though his sufferings were 
 part of the time very great, and such as would nat- 
 urally produce complaint and peevishness. From 
 Monday morning until he died, which was Thurs- 
 day forenoon, I kept my post at the head of his 
 bed. The last offices done for him were done by 
 me. I sprinkled the bed with vinegar, and wet his 
 lips with wine and water while he continued to 
 breathe — and long after the family were obliged to 
 quit the bed-side, and even the room, I remained 
 calm and self-collected. But O ! my dear father, 
 how weak is human nature ! After witnessing the 
 conflict between soul and body for two or three 
 days, just at the moment when the conflict ceased,
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 133 
 
 my strength ceased also, and for a few minutes my 
 reason nearly forsook me. Coward-like, I sunk at 
 beholding what I must soon experience myself, the 
 separation of the mortal and immortal existence. 
 
 The funeral scene was to us entirely new ; and 
 you will be surprised to hear the expenses of it 
 were between five and six hundred dollars. The 
 services were performed by candle light, and when 
 we came out of the church, and saw, through the 
 darkness of the night, lights burning round the 
 grave, and heard, as we passed, the earth falling 
 upon the coffin, I thought how unwise it was to 
 clothe any thing so awful in itself as death, with ar- 
 tificial horrors. Had the funeral been attended in 
 the day-time, the soul might have been as much 
 edified, and the imagination less appalled. Since 
 we have been here. Providence has seen fit to sur- 
 round us, a great portion of the time, with sickness, 
 sorrow, and death. The Saturday before Mr. B. 
 expired, Mrs. Scott, sister of Mrs. T. Bennet and 
 Miss Stone, came over from James Island in a veiy 
 feeble state of health, for the purpose of being with 
 her sisters, and obtaining proper medical aid ; but 
 means were ineffectual. She died about midnight. 
 Her death was probably hastened by the exertion 
 of the day. Thus one house contained the d}ing, 
 and another held the dead. I have but one prayer 
 to offer for this family and for myself — that God 
 12
 
 134 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 would make all these events instrumental of pro- 
 moting his glory, and the good of our souls. 
 
 We have received Sophia's letter, mentioning 
 the death of uncle Lines, and shall write to aunt L. 
 this week. 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, March 25, 1814. 
 
 Elizabeth's letter to E. arrived last Saturday, 
 and I have a fresh call for my gratitude to God, that 
 death has not yet been suffered to lay his icy hand 
 on any of my dear father's family. Bless the Lord 
 O ! our souls ! Judge Johnson is expected next 
 week. I spent the day at his house a short time 
 before he left home. I told him I hoped he would 
 form an acquaintance with our Connecticut senator, 
 Mr. Daggett, for, though their political sentiments 
 might not exactly accord, he would find his society 
 highly interesting. I was glad Mr. D. found leisure 
 to write you from Washington. 
 
 Mrs. Bennett has had some thoughts of accom- 
 panying us to Connecticut. When you write, dear 
 father, please send some message to her respecting 
 it. She is now in the country, attending to her 
 plantation, and I expect to visit her to-morrow. 
 She wishes the whole family to go over and stay 
 with her. Isaac's wedding was postponed, as it 
 was appointed the day his father was dying.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 135 
 
 Should the state of the country render it safe, 
 we shall return by water ; but at present there is 
 no such probability. So long a journey by land 
 again, is a great undertaking ; but we must deter- 
 mine on something soon, as it would be highly dan- 
 gerous to ride through the southern country after 
 the middle of May. Sometimes we almost con- 
 clude to stay over another summer, and then we 
 are all anxiety to be gone. For myself, I feel no 
 fears respecting sickness. I am on this subject, 
 wholly inapprehensive. But E. remembers her 
 fever, and fears for me, as well as for herself; per- 
 haps more, for seeing my unconcern. I pray we 
 may all be directed right by Him, who knoweth 
 what will be for our good. 
 
 Mr. Thomas Bennett, and his family ; Judge 
 Johnson, and his family; and indeed, the whole 
 circle of family connections, have been very kind 
 and attentive to us, during all our residence here ; 
 and appear more attached to us than I should think 
 it possible they could be, (at least, as respects my- 
 self,) considering our different habits, manners, &c. 
 
 New Haven, Oct. 22. 1814. 
 
 Almost seventeen months have elapsed, since 
 
 the last date of my journal. Many providential 
 
 hindrances continually occurred ; but above all, the 
 
 state of my mind was such, at seasons, as to ren-
 
 136 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 der me almost incapable of writing, or indeed, of 
 attending to any regular employment. During this 
 interval, however, I have returned to the place of 
 my nativity, and I hope, also, am emerging from 
 the " horrible pit" into which I unwarily fell. 
 
 While absent from home, I was called to pass 
 through very many trying scenes, and by the sup- 
 porting mercy of God, my mind was sustained and 
 kept from sinking. Sickness, sorrow, and death, 
 was the portion of all around me, and a thick cloud 
 overshadowed us continually. But from outward 
 afflictions, the blessed God saw fit to exempt me. 
 My life was spared, while I was called to part with 
 one and another of those with whom I resided. 
 My health was continued, while beds of pain and 
 languishment were constantly before my eyes. 
 The lives of those nearest and dearest to me were 
 prolonged, while others were bereaved and left sol- 
 itary. These mercies I would humbly acknow- 
 ledge ; and pray they may be so improved as to 
 promote my spiritual' good. But O ! how great 
 have been my mental sufferings. One huge wave 
 of temptation after another, has rolled over me. 
 The sinfulness of my nature has been unfolded to 
 my view ; and vices and corruptions that I knew 
 not existed at all, I found were the deep-rooted in- 
 mates, and the determined possessors of my heart. 
 I saw with astonishment, how much 1 had been all
 
 MEMOIRSOPMARYLYON. ]37 
 
 my life indebted to the restraining grace of God. 
 I saw sin in every thing. Sin in my nature — sin 
 in my practice. The conflict was sometimes so 
 violent, that the apostle's expression, " Resisting 
 unto blood, striving against sin," was easily com- 
 prehended. But the warfare is not yet accom- 
 plished. The Lord give me grace " to gird up my 
 loins," watch and be sober. 
 
 Miss Lyon returned to New Haven, June 18, 
 1814. 
 
 Sin, as she often observed , is undoubtedly the 
 cause of the spiritual sufferings of christians in this 
 life ; for were they perfectly satisfied, they would then 
 be perfectly happy. But physical causes also co- 
 operate powerfully in producing these dreadful tri- 
 als, in a being so organized as man. In her case, 
 they might be clearly traced, in a great measure, to 
 such causes. 
 
 In addition to the usual enervating effects of a 
 southern cHmate, her system had become surchar- 
 ged with bile, to such a degree, that her complex- 
 ion, naturally fair, was so changed, that a near neigh- 
 bor, who sat opposite to her at an evening lecture, 
 a few days after her return to New Haven, did not 
 recognise her. There had also been continual sick- 
 ness and two deaths in the family ; and Miss Lyon, 
 with that self-sacrificing spirit which distinguished 
 12*
 
 138 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 her, nursed, watched, and attended upon the sick, 
 far beyond her strength. Miss Claudia Bennett's, 
 was the first of these deaths. She died with mahg- 
 nant fever ; had slept with Miss L., and was greatly 
 beloved by her, for the sweetness of her temper, 
 and many interesting qualities. Miss L. could only 
 be kept from her sick room, by entreaties, amount- 
 ing to prohibition ; the friends of the family sup- 
 posing, if she took the fever, a stranger to the cli- 
 mate, her death would be inevitable. The same 
 summer, her sister, Mrs. B., was seized with yellow 
 fever, and given over by the physicians ; but after 
 much suffering, God was pleased to restore her 
 again to health. Miss L. was with her almost con- 
 stantly, night and day, except what time she devoted 
 to the two children of her sister, the youngest an 
 infant of five months. 
 
 The second death, was Mr. B., father of her 
 step-brother. She had been in declining health, 
 from her first arrival in Charleston ; and the kind- 
 ness and paternal affection which he manifested for 
 her, had interested her much in his illness. After it 
 became alarming, her attention to him was constant, 
 except when higher duties called her elsewhere. 
 She closed his dying eyes. Her work then being done, 
 she fainted from exhaustion and was carried from 
 the chamber of death. Her sensibility was at all 
 times extreme, and her nervous system suffered
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 139 
 
 exceedingly from these repeated shocks. She be- 
 came physically unable to gird up the loins of her 
 mind and resist the assaults of her enemy, as she 
 might have done in some measure under different 
 circumstances. From a tender regard of the feel- 
 ings of friends, her state of mind was generally 
 known only to herself. Her letters to the north 
 were always cheerful, when addressed to her parents ; 
 and rarely, indeed, made an allusion to her own pecu- 
 liar sufferings in her communications to her sisters. 
 
 Oct. 24. I think long experience has taught me, 
 that if ever I feel a spirit of devotion, a spirit of 
 prayer, or communion with God, it is in the closet. 
 Prayer is a privilege, a comfort. But to watch 
 over ourselves, lest we offend in thought, word, or 
 deed, is an arduous task. Divine grace only can 
 enable up to perform it. 
 
 Nov. 5. Our Savior endured the contradiction 
 of sinners against liimself, and I am obliged to call 
 up his example to support me under provocation ; 
 and what appears to my mind injurious treatment. 
 Perhaps it is self-love only, wliich makes these things 
 so hard to bear. If so, I pray that God will par- 
 don me, enlighten my mind to see it, and pardon 
 those also who injure me, and turn their hearts to 
 love and holiness. 
 
 Nov. 10. Called on a friend m mental darkness
 
 140 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 and hope our conversation may prove beneficial to 
 the souls of both. My health is good, my mind 
 generally tranquil, and rny sleep quiet. The last 
 two of these mercies are highly prized by such as 
 have experienced their loss. No other can truly 
 realize their value, and of course can be as truly 
 thankful for their enjoyment. 
 
 TO MRS. SUSAN HUNTINGTON, BOSTON. 
 
 New Haven, Nov. 10, 1814. 
 My Ever Dear S. : — You mention your good 
 mother ; I love her as if she were mine. I love the 
 memory of my excellent uncle ; but I will not suf- 
 fer my thoughts to follow his mortal remains to the 
 dust, and rest there in useless regret. I compel 
 them to mount upward to heaven. There in " my 
 mind's eye," I behold him, clothed in the white robe 
 of the saints, and joining in that song he began, and 
 taught others on earth ; " Worthy is the Lamb, 
 &c." Shall we not also in due season, respond to 
 this ascription of praise, and behold those glories 
 we now conceive of so faintly? If our glorified 
 spirits meet there, it will seem of little importance 
 that our interviews on earth were so hurried, short, 
 and interrupted. There we shall have but one em- 
 ployment, one mind, and one soul. O ! I will cUng 
 to the blessed hope of entering into this rest, for it 
 is the anchor of my soul. This vision of heaven
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 141 
 
 by faith, is a cordial administered at intervals, as 
 we have need. Though we are obliged to descend 
 from the mount, and lose the heavenly prospect by 
 traversing the valley, — yet it is a subject for praise 
 and gratitude, that we have sometimes a partial 
 glimpse, a foretaste to cheer us in the path of duty, 
 and quicken our desires after the fruition of the 
 kingdom of heaven. 
 
 When you write again, inform me particularly 
 respecting your spiritual state. My own hope of 
 late, (though sometimes it burns brightly,) resem- 
 bles at seasons, a flame in the socket, sinking and 
 almost extinguished. The God of mercy heal my 
 spiritual diseases, and increase my faith. 
 
 How did you like Mr. Leland ? He is a happy 
 representative of the reUgious community of Charles- 
 ton. There are some good people in that place ; 
 though sin nowhere abounds as in large cities. 
 Dr. Flinn is opposing the tide of corruption with all 
 his power. The labors of the lamented Dr. Keith 
 have ceased ; and his pastoral duties have devolved 
 on Mr. Palmer, whom you probably recollect. 
 
 Nov. 29. Providence has favored us with a 
 warm and pleasant autumn. I would thank God 
 for this favor to me, (having spent the last two win- 
 ters in a southern chmate, makes me more sus- 
 ceptible of cold ;) and also towards the children of 
 want.
 
 142 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 Dec. 13. This morning I enjoyed a sweet sea- 
 son of prayer, and the sense of it did not immedi- 
 ately wear off, although my worldly avocations 
 called for my direct and continued attention. Men- 
 tal peace is generally my portion of late. I lie 
 down and rise up with a tranquil mind. The boun- 
 ties of His providence are lavished upon me, and the 
 happiness of heaven is offered to my acceptance. 
 " What shall I render to the Lord." 
 
 Dec. 27. Scarcely a day passes, but we are 
 called, in some one thing, to take up the cross ; and' 
 happy are they, who like our Savior, bear it meekly. 
 Sometimes, our greatest crosses proceed from our 
 greatest temporal blessings and dearest earthly 
 friends. Imperfection is written on all below, and 
 every mercy may be a source of sorrow. 
 
 Jan. 1, 1815. This is the first sabbath of our 
 assembling in the new church, the first day of the 
 month and the year. Mr. Taylor's sermon this 
 morning, and Dr. Dwight's this afternoon, were 
 striking, solemn and impressive. I have renewedly 
 given up myself to God. 
 
 Feb. 8. I have lately experienced some uncom- 
 mon seasons of prayer, which I think cannot be 
 delusions. This morning I received sensible relief 
 by prayer, from a weight of gloom that distressed 
 me cxcecdingh\ I now record it, that I may ac- 
 knowledge the goodness of my God, in granting
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 143 
 
 me such tokens, that he indeed heareth prayer, and 
 answereth the petitions of his creatures. 
 
 Feb. 15. The news of peace has diffused a 
 general joy through the country. Last evening 
 the city was illuminated, and the voice of rejoicing 
 resounded through our streets : but my heart is 
 stupid and ungrateful, under the reception of this 
 mercy. 
 
 Feb. 27. Saturday P. M., a stranger called 
 here. I relieved her as far as I was able, and en- 
 deavored to convince her how sinful it was to yield 
 to the dominion of passion and despair. She ex- 
 pressed a fear, that I would withhold my kindness, 
 when I should know her extreme wickedness and 
 desperation under trials ; but alas ! I knew too much 
 of " the secret chambers of imagery" in my own 
 heart, to hear her story with any sensations but 
 those of pity. 
 
 Ignorance of the human heart only, can lead any 
 to expect salvation by the deeds of the law : or, in 
 other words, as the consequence of personal merit. 
 Eternal salvation is not only an act of free grace, 
 but the smallest temporal mercy is also an act of 
 free grace, being wholly undeserved. 
 
 March 7. 1 have lately read the hfe and reli- 
 gious experience of Mrs. Ramsay, of S. C. She 
 mentions, in terms of great self-abasement, the pre- 
 valence of her besetting sin ; and sometimes ap-
 
 144 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 pears almost in despair under its workings. I can 
 easily compreliend her feelings, though ignorant of 
 what particular sin afflicted her. I wish she had 
 named it ; it might have given comfort to some dis- 
 tressed soul, tempted by the same " messenger of 
 Satan." But the remains of that pride, inherited 
 from Adam, makes us unwilling that others should 
 know our depravity, thougli conscious of it our- 
 selves. Those dreadful heart sins, beyond the 
 reach of human sight, are by far the most malig- 
 nant, the most heinous in the sight of God ; and, 
 to a soul in any measure enlightened, the most 
 dreadful to bear. 
 
 March 10. A disappointment last evening, 
 caused me to pass a wretched night. I sought re- 
 lief where alone it can be found, and the Lord 
 heard me. O my God ! for thy Son's sake, keep 
 my sinful heart from that extreme wickedness of 
 harboring one hard thought of thee. 
 
 March 21. My mind has been of late, much 
 perplexed, and sometimes distressed, on the subject 
 of divine providence. I cannot see the line of dis- 
 tinction between the will and good pleasure of God, 
 in human affairs, and the free agency and wicked, 
 ness of man. I cannot discern the " leadings of 
 Providence" in such a way, as to be satisfied re- 
 specting my duty and the will of God. 
 
 How anxious we are for temporal happiness, and
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 145 
 
 how unwilling to resign the hope, that futurity will 
 bring a larger portion of earthly enjoyment ; or at 
 least, that the present causes for disquiet will be re- 
 moved. And yet, one of the greatest instruments 
 of weaning us from life, and preparing us for death, 
 is worldly affliction under its various forms. The 
 great God assist me in the work of mental disci- 
 pline. A well regulated mind will, through grace, 
 render almost any situation tolerable. 
 
 March 26. " God is love." How often have I 
 been cheered by his grace, and made to drink of 
 the waters of hope. Memory records ten thou- 
 sand instances of his love, manifested to me in such 
 striking characters, that I could not mistake them, 
 with all my slowness of heart to believe. Relief 
 has followed prayer. The shades of gloom and 
 despondency have been removed from my mind, 
 when overwhelmed ; and when no human means 
 interposed to effect it. Temptations, that beset 
 me, with all the malice and fury of devils, have been 
 removed, or their power broken, when I was so 
 weak that I could hardly utter a cry for deliver- 
 ance. In all these, and a thousand other ways, he 
 has proved himself to me a God of love. O ! how 
 ungrateful to distrust his goodness, or forget these 
 proofs of his love. 
 
 March 29. The scriptures insist much on faith, 
 and in some places, comprise in it the whole es- 
 13
 
 146 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON.. 
 
 sence of the christian rehgion. Indeed, this grace 
 is the foundation of all the rest. When faith is in 
 exercise, (if I know what it is,) it is comparatively 
 easy to exercise all the other christian virtues. It 
 gives a spring to exertion — a relish to duty — a fear- 
 lessness of danger — an indifference to worldly joy 
 or sorrow, and settles the whole soul in a peaceful, 
 blessed calm. 
 
 April 1. The bible is a mine of treasures, and 
 a mine that can never be exhausted. Search ever 
 so deep, and more yet remains to be explored. 
 It is consolation for the afflicted — rest for the weary 
 — support for the sinking, and direction for the 
 wandering. As our circumstances vary, the bible 
 still offers a word in season : as our feelings alter, 
 there is still a portion adapted to our necessities. 
 Nothing is wanting to make a complete whole. 
 
 April 6. My heart sinks under the apprehen- 
 sion of the probable trials and temptations of the 
 coming summer. Lord, why this despondency ? 
 Why this dreadful foreboding ? Am I indeed, all 
 my life, to be the subject of these terrible attacks 
 from my spiritual foes ? O ! my Creator, pity the 
 soul thou hast made, and forsake not the work of 
 thy own hands ! I am weak, necessitous, and most 
 unha[)py, and yet my outward situation is such, 
 that I am regarded as a peculiar favorite of Provi- 
 dence by those around me. But thou, blessed God,
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 147 
 
 knowest the secret sorrows of my heart, and the 
 hidden causes of these sorrows. I spread them all 
 before thee ; I pray for their removal, if consistent 
 with thy will and my soul's good. Hear my daily 
 prayer for deliverance, O my God, for Jesus' sake ! 
 
 April 9. What wretched unbelief pervades my 
 heart ! In some instances I have been favored with 
 remarkable answers to prayer, still, I remain a sin- 
 ner in thought, word, and deed. 
 
 April 12. Sickness in the family engages my 
 whole time and attention. 
 
 April 18. The sovereign God has taken from 
 me, by death, my darling little niece, Lois M. Ben- 
 nett. She died on Sunday, 5 o'clock, P. M. ; and 
 though her precious clay still remains in the house, 
 I dare not trust myself to behold her. My distress 
 at intervals has been extreme, though at seasons I 
 have enjoyed composure of mind. She lay in my 
 bosom, was fed from my hand, and was to me as 
 a child ; but I would not rebel. God's name be 
 praised. 
 
 Friday, April 21. Yesterday, we committed 
 the precious remains of our sweet Lois to the grave, 
 and 1 record the mercy of God, in granting me a 
 calm state of mind during the whole day ; which I 
 humbly hope arose from resignation to the divine 
 will. I feel sensible that I deserved the rod, and I 
 desire to kiss it with submission. Several consid-
 
 148 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 erations have, (through infinite goodness,) helped 
 to support me under this heavy affliction. A sense 
 of my sinfuhicss has closed my lips and made me 
 afraid to complain, lest the chastisement should be 
 repeated. A sense also of my extreme ignorance, 
 and inability of judging of the whole design of God 
 in his dispensations. A desire, (I hope a sincere 
 one,) of glorifying God, and a fear of dishonoring 
 my profession. Ciiristians are expected by the 
 world, to bear adversity with patience ; and when 
 they do not, the principles on which they profess to 
 act are tliought unsound, because inoperative. A 
 belief, (I think grounded on scripture,) that the 
 dear infant has ceased from suffering, and gone to 
 eternal rest. These considerations, with some oth- 
 ers, have tended to tranquillize my soul at seasons, 
 though the anguish of my spirit has been great. 
 Prayer has been an instrument of conveying com- 
 fort to my soul, and I thank my God for hearing 
 me in this trying season. 
 
 I long to have my nature purified in this furnace, 
 and the dross purged away. " 1 will bear the indigna- 
 tion of the Lord, because I have sinned against him." 
 
 Miss Lyon bore this dispensation with outward 
 calmness, and conversed with the family, and sym- 
 pathizing friends who called, with perfect compo- 
 sure. This was remarkable to those who knew
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 149 
 
 her mental sufferings, and her uncommon affection 
 for the child, which was more like that of a mother 
 than the relation which she sustained. Resigna- 
 tion and submission were considered by her, as 
 special duties for her to exercise in particular, from 
 circumstances which she at this time related to a 
 friend. During her sister's extreme illness in 
 Charleston, she prayed the Lord, if death must en- 
 ter the family, he would be pleased to spare the 
 mother and take the sweet babe. The Lord saw 
 fit to raise up the mother and spare the child, till 
 she had become so dear to her heart, and then re- 
 move her by death ; and now she observed, " I 
 must be dumb, and open not my mouth." 
 
 Miss Lyon, and another aunt, watched with the 
 sweet and suffering babe, the last night of her mor- 
 tal existence ; and among the last words she uttered, 
 while intelligence remained, and after her sight was 
 gone, was a wish to see, or to go to her aunt Mary. 
 
 April 24. When I awake in the morning, my 
 spirits are agitated and my heart throbs violently, 
 as I see the place of my noiu angelic Lois, vacant 
 by my side, and reflect that her pillow is the cold 
 earth. But immediately I lift my heart to God, 
 and prayer will still the tempest of my soul. 
 
 April 30. My sweet Lois, I trust, has now been 
 a fortnight an inhabitant of the New Jerusalem. 
 13*
 
 150 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 This infant of two years, now understands myste- 
 ries the great men of this world cannot compre- 
 hend. She has companions, whose faces they could 
 not behold and live ; and she has passed a gulf 
 they tremble to approach ; and is now forever be- 
 yond the reach of sin and sufferiug, which, in this 
 life, are the companions of all. 
 
 May 3. I have been hearing a sacramental dis- 
 course from these words, " Master, carest thou not 
 that we perish ?" How often have these words 
 been the language of my heart in seasons of unbe- 
 lief, when providential events have been dark and 
 unhappy. But even the disciples of our Lord, who 
 were witnesses of his miracles, and experienced 
 constant proofs of his kindness and affeciion, gave 
 way to distrust, and expressed their feelings almost 
 in terms of displeasure. " Master, carest thou not 
 that we perish ?" 
 
 ]\Iay 11. Monday, my brother B., with his moth- 
 er, arrived from Charleston to spend the summer. 
 This meeting is, indeed, a gloomy one. 
 
 May 13. The promises of God extend to every 
 case, and yet I seem to seek in vain for one to suit 
 my own peculiar situation. But, perhaps, I have 
 also peculiar assistance from God ; for certainly, I 
 have been strangely supported in some seasons of 
 great anguish, unknown to all around me. This 
 tends to uphold my faith and hope, even when the 
 promises are liid from sight.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 151 
 
 May 16. Yesterday I visited the grave of my 
 darling Lois, and to-day I have seen it again. O ! 
 how my heart is pained when I remember her en- 
 dearing actions. 
 
 May 20. Since the death of my lamented Lois, 
 unusual sickness in the family, and unusual com- 
 pany, have hardly allowed me lime to m.ourn for 
 her ; but perhaps it is best. God frequently makes 
 necessary duty an instrument of preventing the 
 mind fi-om fixing on one subject, and thus restrain- 
 ing grief from becoming extreme. I trust I have 
 felt something like resignation, as respects the event 
 itself; and merely to reflect upon the circum- 
 stances, (her sufferings, and the possibility that they 
 might have been prevented by the use of other 
 remedies,) can avail nothing. If it was a chastise- 
 ment designed for me particularly, I would patiently 
 kiss the rod. 
 
 May 22. O how much I have sinned by dis- 
 content ! Were I about to die, I think a remem- 
 brance of this sin would embitter my death-bed 
 greatly ; and yet it is regarded generally, as a light 
 offence. But surely, it is no small matter to ar- 
 raign the conduct of that Being whose wisdom sur- 
 passeth comprehension ; and to say practically, 
 " The God who had power to create the world, is 
 unable to govern it." Yet this is the true language 
 of discontent. I bless my God, for if I grow in
 
 1^ MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 grace no other way, I think I increase in know- 
 ledge. My eyes are gradually opened to see the 
 workings of my mind, when nature prevails, and 
 when grace is triumphant. Sometimes I am taught 
 out of God's law ; and sometimes 1 am enabled to 
 read another page in the book of self-knowledge, 
 and a fresh discovery will open upon me. I feel 
 an increasing conviction of my weakness in judg- 
 ment, and my fallibility in choosing ; and this teach- 
 ing I hope, comes from God, to whom I would un- 
 reservedly commit all the future events of my life, 
 whether joyous or afflictive. 
 
 May 26. My sister E. leaves us to-morrow, 
 and commences house-keeping. May the blessing 
 of God go with her, and remain also upon this fam- 
 ily. If I accompany her, or remain in my father's 
 house, may the Lord grant me his cheering pres- 
 ence, his protection, his support and his guidance, 
 
 June 4. On Wednesday night I was taken ex- 
 tremely ill, and am still very weak. My bodily 
 pain was greater than I remember ever to have ex- 
 perienced befoi-e. If I were impatient under it, I 
 pray God to forgive m3, I found by experience, 
 that meditation and prayer were almost impossible, 
 when the body was racked with pain. A dying 
 bed is no place to prepare for death. To-day I 
 am providentially detained from church. When 
 the mind and body are fatigued and exhausted, with
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 153 
 
 the necessary business and unnecessary engage- 
 ments of the week, retirement and repose are in- 
 deed blessings. How strange then, that any one 
 can wish to waste this tranquil season in company 
 and vain conversation. 
 
 June 14. What a comfort it is, that God knows 
 all my perplexities, and could remove them if he 
 saw fit. Whether I am an object of his favor, or 
 otherwise, I know that all he does is right ; and 
 sometimes I can rest in his wisdom to plan, and 
 his power to execute, when I smart under his dis- 
 pensations towards me. 1 shudder at the idea of 
 being given up to the guidance of my own fallible 
 judgment, and yet I cannot discern what the will 
 of the Lord is concerning me, and what is the re- 
 sult of my own free-agency. 
 
 June 20. 1 have been absent several days at 
 my sister E's. Their house is a delightful sum- 
 mer residence, and I love her family. But O ! my 
 hard heart ! my evil heart of unbelief. I am afraid 
 of the cross, and am, to a great degree, untliank- 
 ful for present mercies. I am seeking earthly 
 good, when religion and reason both assure me, it 
 is a dangerous snare to the soul — in a great meas- 
 ure unattainable — fleeting in duration, and unsatis- 
 factory in possession. There is no peace but in 
 Jesus Christ, the friend of sinners. 
 
 July 2. This morning attended a prayer meet-
 
 154 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 ing lately established. The exercises were con- 
 ducted by Mr. N., under whose preaching several 
 revivals of religion have recently taken place. The 
 summer is rapidly passing away, and with me, the 
 last season, the last day, and the last hour will soon 
 arrive. 
 
 July 12. I have spent the morning with grand- 
 mother, and heard from her lips many lessons of 
 wisdom and many words of consolation. My mind 
 has been melancholy and distressed since morning, 
 to a great degree. " Satan, my malicious foe," is 
 constantly aiming his arrows at my peace, as well 
 as my soul. I am not " ignorant of his devices," 
 though I suffer by them. The loss of my darling 
 Lois, has also severely afflicted me to-day, and my 
 tears have flowed freely : yet I thank my God I 
 have enjoyed more mental serenity this summer 
 than I expected, and far more than during the last. 
 
 July 17. Yesterday we had a most severe thunder 
 storm ; but for some unknown reason, my mind at 
 such seasons feels little alarm. On the contrary, yes- 
 terday it seemed a pleasing consideration that God 
 was so near, as the war of the elements appeared 
 to indicate. For some time past I have, at seasons, 
 felt apprehensive, that God had entirely given me 
 up to myself, and withdrawn his providential inter- 
 ference in my concerns. But this morning I had 
 a sweet season, which I hope was a visit of his
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 155 
 
 gracious Spirit. I felt willing to resign my dearest 
 hopes to his blessed will, and \\ou\i\ feel that all was 
 indeed right. 1 hardly had a wish for any thing, 
 but only that the will of my God should be done. 
 I thought I loved his name, though crosses and dis- 
 appointments should be my constant portion. 
 
 Aug. 3. I think 1 know something of the inward 
 conflict between grace and the sins of my nature ; 
 and I think also, I know something of the contest 
 between Satan and grace, for the conquest of my 
 soul. I have some discernment of the wiles of the 
 adversary, and can, in some measure, distinguish 
 his attacks from those of the world and the flesh. 
 I am not wholly ignorant of my peculiar " besetting 
 sin." The struggle of contending armies in the 
 field of battle, is but a faint picture of the conflict I 
 feel at seasons in my soul. At such times, my only 
 refuge is in God, and my only comfort flying to the 
 shadow of his wings. 
 
 Aug. 9. I am astonished, when I observe what 
 a trijle will elate or depress my spirits. It is, 
 indeed, a humiliating consideration, and I feel 
 ashamed of my weakness. I am constantly suf- 
 fering for sin, or blushing for folly. 
 
 Aug. 26. Tiie town is very sickly.* Last night 
 
 * A malignant dysentery then prevailed in New 
 Haven.
 
 156 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 I watched in a family consisting of only four per- 
 sons, three of whom lay ill. Several of my rela- 
 tives are ill with it, and one has died. 
 
 Aug. 31. My mind, since Monday evening, has 
 been very much pressed by a particular subje'ct, 
 that has caused me many anxious and many sleep- 
 less hours. I have laid the matter before God in 
 prayer, and this morning I have taken up the cross, 
 and had a long conversation with the person con- 
 cerned, which I pray God to bless, and make in- 
 strumental of good. This afternoon a mother and 
 daughter have been laid in one grave, and neither 
 left any evidence of dying in Christ. I am to-day 
 in some measure affected with the prevailing disease. 
 O ! my God, enable me so to live that I may meet 
 death with joy. Lord increase nny faith. 
 
 Sept. 24. The rod of chastisement is still held 
 over this suffering town. The sexton's report yes- 
 terday noon, was nine dead. In a season like this, 
 we stand upon the threshold of eternity, and may, 
 before we are aware, enter within its confines. 
 What a solemn time is this ! How many hearts are 
 bleeding under bereavements ! Various and pressing 
 engagements, the prevailing sickness, company, &:c., 
 have hardly left me time to attend to the concerns 
 of my own soul. The blessed God pardon and 
 sanctify me! 
 
 Oct. 18. 11' I have any refuge it is certainly in
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 157 
 
 the Lord. I have found peace in him, when I could 
 find it nowhere else. Sometimes divine truths come 
 home to my soul with peculiar sweetness, and the 
 promises buoy me up above every thing. My mind 
 is in some degree exercised respecting another visit 
 to Charleston. I have been told the path of duty 
 lay that way, and that Providence evidently pointed 
 it out. But as no one can judge exactly of the 
 state of another's mind, so no one can decide truly 
 what is the precise duty of another. What would 
 be hounden duty under certain circumstances, would 
 cease to be so, when those circumstances varied, 
 and as each one knows, or ought to know, their own 
 particular temptations, so each one must judge, 
 (with humility and due deference for the opinions of 
 others,) what is their own true duty. With respect 
 to inclination, my mind stands neuter, the motives 
 for going or staying, being nearly, or quite equal. 
 If I know my own heart, I am willing, (in this case 
 at least,) to do right, and act in conformity to the 
 will of God. I pray the blessed God to place ef- 
 fectual barriers in my way, if my going would be 
 inconsistent with his glory, or my own real good. 
 I desire with humility to leave the issue with him. 
 
 Oct. 27. Past experience has so often convin- 
 ced me of the faUibility of my own judgment, that 
 I am not only afraid to trust it, but almost to exer- 
 cise it. I have suffered so severely from lean- 
 14
 
 158 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 ing to my own understanding, that I fear being 
 again duped by it. This is one reason why I am 
 so anxious to know the path of duty, respecting 
 going to the South. No ultimate evil can ensue 
 from a conscientious discharge of duty, and there- 
 fore, it is always safe to perform it. But how to 
 find this narrow path is the question. I have made 
 it a subject of much prayer, but am still perplexed. 
 The blessed God guide me, and prevent my doing 
 aught displeasing to him, or injurious to my own 
 soul. 
 
 Miss Lyon's perplexity in ascertaining duty at 
 this time, was occasioned by the situation of her 
 father's family. Her sister, whom she thought of 
 accompanying, was in delicate health, with two 
 small children, and subject to much depression of 
 spirits, particularly at the south. She was the 
 youngest of five daughters, three of whom still re- 
 mained at home, and Mary felt as if it was the duty 
 of one of them, to accompany her in her exile, 
 for so E. always considered her absence from 
 New Haven. The mother of Miss Lyon, (as 
 has been before observed,) was a nervous invalid, 
 and felt a strong reluctance to part again with her 
 judicious, self-denying, and affectionate child. She 
 often observed, that her mother had the highest 
 claim, and had there been no daughter at home but
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 159 
 
 herself, duty would have been plain ; but all the 
 circumstances considered, rendered it difficult for 
 her to ascertain what was the Lord's will respecting 
 her. 
 
 Sabbath, Nov. 5. This morning I awoke very 
 early, before day, and endeavored to lead my mind 
 into a proper train of reflections for the Lord's day, 
 and the communion. The hour is rapidly coming, 
 when the love of Christ will appear more precious 
 than gold ; and the benefits of his death, be all that 
 is worth possessing. Sometimes, I feel as if death 
 was very near, yet still the love of the world con- 
 tinues. I feel more and more that I have nothing 
 to rest on but the power of God, to preserve me, 
 even from myself. 
 
 Nov. 17. The matter is at last determined, re- 
 specting my Charleston trip. E. has concluded to 
 stay in New Haven another year. Perhaps this 
 result is an answer to long and earnest prayer, that 
 God would terminate this affair, as his infinite wis- 
 dom saw best ; and to promote his own glory, and 
 the real good of all concerned. Such has been 
 my prayer, and the present event has followed ; 
 therefore, I have reason to rest satisfied and con- 
 tented. 
 
 Thanksgiving, Nov. 30. O ! how much I have 
 received since the last anniversary of this kind. I
 
 160 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 remember God's supporting mercy in a season of 
 deep affliction, and his forbearing mercy through 
 the whole year. 
 
 Dec. 14. My conduct is exactly like that of a 
 child. When a child is exulting in a full flow of 
 health and spirits, we see it leave the presence of 
 its parent, and seek amusements from the various 
 objects which surround it. These objects are some- 
 times improper, sometimes dangerous, and often, 
 very often, sinful. But no sooner does sickness, 
 accident, or the petty disappointments of childhood, 
 assail it, than it flies to its forsaken parent for assis- 
 tance and consolation. Just so it is with me. When 
 the sun of prosperity shines warm upon me, and the 
 chords of my mind harmonize with each other, my 
 foolish heart will wander abroad, and childishly seek 
 for gold in the dross of this world. But when my 
 mental sky lowers, or a stroke of deserved chastise- 
 ment rouses me to a sense of my dependence and 
 danger, then I fly to God, — seek support and com- 
 fort from him ; and find by renewed experience, 
 that he is the supreme and only good. 
 
 Dec. 24. Since writing the above, I have had 
 new and peculiar proofs that the Lord is kind and 
 gracious to me in particular, I always experience 
 his mercy ; but when a trial comes, his help is most 
 conspicuous ; and these helps in time of need, 
 greatly strengthen my faith. I find when new difli.
 
 M E M I R S F M A R Y L Y ^f . 161 
 
 culties arise, I expect to be carried through, more than 
 I did formerly, and fly to prayer, as the sure chan- 
 nel of God's assistance. If I am a child of God, 
 the next world will clear away all this darkness, — 
 solve all these difficulties, and I shall clearly see 
 through all the dispensations of Providence towards 
 me. 
 
 Jan. 2, 1816, We are manifestly forbidden to 
 anticipate at all, whether good or evil ; and cer- 
 tainly we injure our present situation by doing it. 
 If our minds run forward, contemplating scenes of 
 future happiness, we necessarily regard present en- 
 joyment with indifference. And if they forebode 
 evil, then the comfort of the present hour is marred. 
 We endanger our temporal peace, and act contrary 
 to christian duty, when we foolishly suffer our cal- 
 culations to escape the confines of the present day. 
 It is equally absurd, and equally sinful, to indulge 
 painful regret, when meditating on the' past, unless 
 conscious of deliberate sin. 
 
 March 1, 1816. This day begins a new season, 
 and a new volume in my journal.* Would that I 
 could also begin a new life. A life with the peace 
 of God, which passeth all understanding, reigning 
 in my heart. A hfe of submission to the will of 
 
 * This she did not live to finish. 
 14*
 
 162 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 Providence ; and a life of progressive preparation 
 for the kingdom of glory. 
 
 March 3. To-day is communion, and I, with 
 the rest of Christ's professed followei's, have sat 
 around his table, and received a fresh token of his 
 gracious intentions towards the children of Adam. 
 The sermon was adapted to the occasion, and hap. 
 inly adapted to the state of my mind. It told of a 
 rest ; and it proved that in attaining that rest, much 
 tribulation must be encountered. It described the 
 enemies to be opposed in the conflict, and the vari- 
 ous difficulties of the way ; all of which, I thought 
 I perfectly understood. 
 
 March 12. Within the short period of eight 
 months, I have heard the death of four associates 
 of my youth, whose intimacy here, made them like 
 members of the family. Twice, in the term of 
 twenty. one months, my bed -fellow was taken from 
 my side by the king of terrors. These things are 
 not without design. The God of providence speaks 
 in language not easily misunderstood. Stupid as I 
 am, I know that life is on the wing, and that I am 
 rapidly approaching the boundary line between this 
 world and eternity. I know that true preparation 
 for death is tlie only real good worth pursuing, yet 
 the tinsel of this vain world, at times leads my im- 
 agination, my lieart, and almost my reason in chains. 
 
 March 16. For two or three days my mind has
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 1(33 
 
 been disturbed with blasphemous thoughts, and at 
 intervals, my distress has been great, fearing I had 
 committed the unpardonable sin. But prayer, using 
 the means for turning Ay thoughts into another 
 channel, and the idea that I could discern the au- 
 thor of this trouble, have kept me thus far from 
 sinking. O ! thou blessed God, Father, Son, and 
 Holy Spirit, my soul supplicates thee to keep me 
 from the power of the adversary, and have mercy 
 on all others tempted in a similar manner. 
 
 March 24. The exercises of the day are over, 
 and another sabbath sun near setting. There is 
 something sweet and soothing in this hour, on this 
 day, that communicates itself to any mind tuned to 
 harmonize with it. The bright, though serene face 
 of nature, reminds one of that reconciled face in 
 Christ Jesus, which is the christian's hope. The 
 tempered rays of the natural sun, are a striking 
 emblem of the overwhelming glory of God, softened 
 by divine grace, that mortals may contemplate it 
 with the eye of faith and live. O ! were it not for 
 some precious moments of this kind, the powers of 
 reflection would be worthless. 
 
 March 27. Monday called on two women in af- 
 fliction, with the hope of administering some conso- 
 lation. This afternoon I have witnessed the last 
 scene of a brother professor in the church of Christ. 
 He died triumphantly ; and is now doubtless re- 
 joicing with the " spirits of the just made perfect."
 
 164 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 April 2. This morning I have walked out with 
 my mother. Thursday I accompanied her to a tea- 
 party, and this evening expect to attend another. 
 Too much time spent in this way, I think is sinful, 
 but my motive for thus spending a part of mine, is 
 sometimes, merely a sense of duty. " Satan de- 
 sires to have me, that he may sift me as wheat ;" 
 and I find by experience, that solitude is often an in- 
 strument in his hands of distressing and perplexing 
 my soul. He even dared to attack our blessed 
 Savior in the wilderness. His malice towards me 
 is amazing, though at seasons I regard it as an evi- 
 dence in my favor. I am often perplexed, some- 
 times confounded, and know not what opinion to 
 form of myself, or what course to take. 
 
 TO A NEPHEW IN HARPERSFIELD, NEW YORK. 
 
 Neio Haven, April 5, 1816. 
 My Dear Eli : — My long silence has not arisen 
 from forgetfulness or indifference ; for your welfare 
 is as near and dear to my heart, as ever. Almost 
 three and a half years have expired, since we last 
 saw each other ; and during this period, we have 
 both passed through a variety of scenes, seen a 
 great many different places, and been the subjects 
 of some suffering. Happy would it be, had we 
 both lived all that time, without committing any sin>
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 165 
 
 and done exactly as we shall wish we had, when 
 the hour of death arrives. 
 
 I trust, nny dear E., you feel the necessity of ex- 
 erting yourself, and establishing a good character 
 for life. Every young man can do well, if he la- 
 bors for that object ; and is careful to perform his 
 duty, in the situation where Providence has placed 
 him. Youth is the time to acquire good habits, and to 
 lay a sure foundation for usefulness and comfort in 
 future years. But, when this period is suffered to 
 pass away unimproved, the whole after life suffers by 
 the neglect. Endeavor to acquire the confidence 
 of Mr. H. Most of our respectable merchants 
 owe their prosperity, (under the blessing of God,) 
 to the esteem and friendship of their employers ; 
 and nothing will conduce more to your advance- 
 ment in the world, than tlie confidence of those 
 with whom you pass this important season of your 
 life. 
 
 Mr. L. and Mr. B., will inform you of every- 
 thing interesting, respecting our family. But they 
 can never inform you, how anxious we are for your 
 improvement and welfare. It is difficult to imag- 
 ine, what pain it would give us, if your conduct 
 should become improper or sinful. Remember, 
 dear E., after this age you must depend on your- 
 self. If you become idle and vicious, farewell to 
 respectability, to prosperity, and every tiling valu-
 
 \QQ MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 able in this world. If, on the contrary, you are in- 
 dustrious and upright, there is no danger. 
 
 We thank the kind lady who took care of you in 
 your illness. You must be grateful and strive to 
 repay the kindness received. I hope before the 
 lapse of another three years, either, that you will 
 be able, (consistent with duty,) to leave your busi- 
 ness long enough to make us a visit, or that I shall 
 see you in M. 
 
 April 12. It is a common opinion, that we are 
 accountable only for our own personal transgres- 
 sions : but this opinion is without a spiritual warrant. 
 We are, in a great measure, answerable for the 
 sins committed by others, in consequence of our ex- 
 ample, and our want of exertion in trying to prevent 
 it. How awfully the final account may swell in this 
 way, no finite mind can comprehend. But every 
 child of Adam knows the obligation we are under? 
 to prevent all sin, as far as we have the power, in 
 others, as well as in ourselves. How unmindful are 
 the best people of this truth. My God cover over 
 my scarlet sins with the blood of Christ, and make 
 me more watchful during the remainder of my days. 
 
 April 14. One year, this day and this hour, my 
 darling Lois took her flight from this " sin worn 
 world," and soared to the regions of eternal bliss. 
 God supported me through that trial ; why then
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 167 
 
 should I ever despair ? Blessed be his name, this 
 day I have again experienced his delivering mercy. 
 My fell adversary levelled his " fiery darts" at my 
 peace and at my soul. Remembering " the worm- 
 wood and the gall," I was filled with consternation, 
 and rose from my seat to run, I know not where ; 
 when suddenly the idea of infernal agency entered 
 my mind, and I exclaimed, " Satan shall not pre- 
 vail," or words to this amount, and again sat down. 
 I looked upward with anguish, known only to those 
 who have experienced it, and prayed, blessed Jesus 
 pity me ! blessed Jesus pity me ! blessed Jesus save 
 me ! The dear Savior heard me, — the tempter 
 gave way, and his horrid suggestion gradually wore 
 off. " Bless the Lord, O ! my soul !" 
 
 April 24. To-day have walked out with S., and 
 called at several places. What a vacuum does this 
 world present to my soul. I try to feel as I think 
 others do, and endeavor to cheat myself into the 
 opinion that my trials are not peculiar, but alas it is 
 in vain. Singular indeed, have been m}^ trials, — 
 most mysterious the dispensations of Providence 
 towards me. But yet my soul justifies the blessed 
 God, and though I cannot comprehend, (in some 
 measure,) I learn to trust. A man deranged in in- 
 tellect, has just passed my window. Let me thank 
 the Lord, that amidst all the convulsions and tumults
 
 168 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 that have shook my soul, he is graciously pleased to 
 preserve my reason still. 
 
 April 27. Thursday evening I spent with a party 
 of friends, and yesterday morning I passed in the 
 sick chamber of my step-brother. Mr. L's sick- 
 ness is indeed a season of trial. Those things 
 which the worldling calls good, lose their charms 
 when the body is pained ; and all that pertains to 
 this life becomes valueless, as another appears to be 
 approaching. Faith, " precious faith," is the only 
 light of a sick-room, — the only opiate for the wake- 
 ful eye, — the only balm for the aching heart, and the 
 only medicine for the sin-sick soul. Lord give me 
 faith. 
 
 April 28. Jesus Christ, and him crucified, is the 
 only foundation of hope. On him my soul leans, — 
 my confidence rests, and on him alone. To-day I 
 had some happy moments. My soul seemed to 
 flutter to be gone. Fear lay dormant, and hope 
 arose almost to exultation. The bliss of heaven 
 was revealed strongly to my mental sight, and for 
 the moment, I almost left the earth. I hope like 
 David, I saw something of the power and glory of 
 God in the sanctuary. O ! what a mystery 1 am 
 to myself. Blessed Jesus, I commit my soul into 
 thy hands.
 
 MExMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 169 
 
 TO MRS. SUSAN HUNTINGTON, BOSTON. 
 
 ISeic Haven, May 4, 1816. 
 My Dear Susan : — When personal intercourse 
 is cut oif with those we love, it is a real solace to 
 converse occasionally with the pen. Most persons, 
 and even those, who, in the judgment of candor, must 
 be regarded as christians, are far more clear-sight- 
 ed in discerning the wisdom of God, in his disposal 
 of the affairs oi others, than in his interference with 
 their own ; especially when that interference is ad- 
 verse to their wishes, flow easily they can see the 
 propriety and mercy of pride being humbled, — self- 
 will broken, — patience tried, — unrecisonable expec- 
 tations crossed, — idols removed, &c. But let the 
 rod of divine chastisement touch these moral 
 preachers themselves, with any of the various ad- 
 ^'ersities of human life, and then all is dark and 
 mysterious. " Clouds and darkness are round about 
 the throne of God." His designs are deep and in- 
 scrutable, beyond the power of finite beings to ex- 
 plain or comprehend. It is well when this knowl- 
 edge of the human character is learned by obser- 
 vation alone ; but alas ! many of us have a more 
 infallible teacher, our inward personal experience. 
 What a striking proof of the prevalence of self- 
 love, and the blindness that clouds our minds where 
 self is concerned, thus to erect one standard in 
 15
 
 170 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 judging for others, and another in judging for our- 
 selves. When reason, and the principles of the 
 christian religion take the seat of government, we 
 do not judge thus. If we see the wisdom and jus- 
 tice of God when others are afflicted, we feel also 
 that he is just, and wise, in afflicting us. If we see 
 that others enjoy the smiles of Providence without 
 desert, and only through the free bounty of the Al- 
 mighty, we feel that we. enjoy them on the same 
 terms. In all things we are ready to " vindicate 
 the ways of God to man." 
 
 The blessings of Providence, dear S., to a care- 
 ful observer, are evidently meted out, in a great 
 measure, even according to our ideas of right and 
 impartiality. God appoints different sources of 
 happiness, and different sources of sorrow for his 
 people, during their stay in this "house of their pil- 
 grimage ;" but although differing in kindy they are 
 nearly, if not wholly equal in degree. Where ex- 
 ternal circumstances are happy, the mind will fre- 
 quently sink under imaginary evils. Where want 
 and difficulty assail the outward situation, the spirits 
 will often he light and buoyant. How often are af- 
 fluence and sickness, companions through life, — la- 
 borious hardship and uninterrupted health, — high 
 rank and heavy family afflictions, — obscure life 
 and domestic comfort. We could both illustrate 
 these remarks by living examples, were it neces-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 171 
 
 sary. Even within the narrow circle of our ob- 
 servation, many such instances present themselves 
 to our view. 
 
 One great cause of the discontent that seems to 
 pervade almost every heart, in a greater or less de- 
 gree, is the superficial examination we give those 
 things that the world calls good. We judge of the 
 whole from some conspicuous part, and then draw 
 hasty and erroneous conclusions. It is melancholly 
 that the grace of real contentment should be so 
 very rare ; and most strange, that when life itself 
 is so rapidly passing away, we can be so solicitous 
 about the trifles which compose it. 
 
 May 5. I have been so dull and stupid to-day, 
 either through the influence of the season, or some 
 other cause, I have hardly been sensible of what I 
 have heard and seen of the word of life. Two ex- 
 cellent sermons, the Lord's supper, several bap- 
 tisms, and fervent prayers, all united, have scarcely 
 been able to confine my attention even for a mo- 
 ment. With every advantage, how little spiritual 
 improvement I make. Some things give me hope 
 that I am a child of grace ; but the evidences against 
 me are innumerable. Why I was born, and why 
 my life has been continued thus far ? are questions 
 I have no right to ask. Sin and suflering appear to 
 claim me for their own ; and when I reflect that the
 
 172 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 remainder of my days will probably be spent like 
 the past, I almost wish they were numbered and 
 finished. But O ! let faith prevail, and let patience 
 have its perfect work. Newton's hymn, beginning 
 with the line, " I asked the Lord that I might grow," 
 is so applicable to my case, and such a true deline- 
 ation of my experience, that I often repeat it. The 
 Lord forgive and comfort me. 
 
 May 12. One subject in particular mars all pre- 
 sent comfort, and fills me with apprehensions for 
 the future. Can I be a child of God, and feel thus ? 
 Can I be an object of divine favor, while divine 
 providence is so continually adverse to my wishes ? 
 These are idle questions indeed. I know that 
 "whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth;" and that 
 tribulation is the pathway to heaven. I have prayed 
 much on this subject, but, as yet, I have received 
 no answer ; no token for good has yet appeared. 
 My mind is harassed and perplexed with the fear 
 that God regards me as beneath his notice, and my 
 sorrows as unworthy his regard. I am most vile, 
 I confess, and of course deserve no good. But I 
 do not sin with impunity, and I " groan, being bur- 
 dened." 
 
 May 25. Last week I spent an afternoon at 
 Mr. Taylor's, with a large number of the society. 
 Thursday the Rev. Mr. D. and his lady, with M. 
 L., took tea with us. I have lately heard two ser-
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 173 
 
 mons from Dr. Palmer, of Charleston, which have 
 instrumentally done me good. The trials and 
 temptations of the christian life were so clearly 
 delineated, that I recognized my own experience as 
 I listened, and felt a sweet hope that my troubles 
 were consistent with a state of grace. Yesterday 
 and to-day my mind has been composed, and at in- 
 tervals happy, (as I think,) happy in God. I enjoy 
 at seasons some sweet moments of peace, such as 
 the world cannot give. God is my rock, — the re- 
 fuge of my soul, — my ark of safety. 
 
 June 1. Last night when I laid my head on the 
 pillow, I endeavored to take a retrospect of the past 
 day, and learn wherein I had done amiss. I ex- 
 amined the whole day carefully, and though I found 
 many faults, no out-breaking sin stared me in the 
 face. The faults I had committed pained me, 
 though I rejoiced I had been in a measure preserv- 
 ed from sin. In this frame of mind I closed my 
 eyes in sleep, and the " Watchman of Israel" took 
 care of me, and I have had a morning of peace. 
 Thursday I attended a military funeral. A solemn 
 pomp marked the interment of the perishing body, 
 while the immortal soul, far, far beyond this scene 
 of things, has entered upon the destinies of eter- 
 nity. 
 
 June 2. Yesterday we received a visit from our 
 
 old friend Mr. N. Dewit, after an absence of nearly 
 15*
 
 174 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 eight years. The various scenes we have both 
 passed through since we last met, — the heavy and 
 uncommon spiritual trials we have sustained, — the 
 singular care of Providence we have both experi- 
 enced, rendered this meeting a serious, though a 
 pleasing one. He has preached two able and in- 
 teresting discourses to-day, particularly the morning 
 one, from these words, " Thou art a priest forever." 
 June 7. There is a dark cloud hangs over the 
 providence of God towards me. My way is hedged 
 up with thorns, and I find myself like one in the 
 midst of a vast wilderness, without a guide or com- 
 pass. I feel afraid to venture on any thing but 
 prayer ; and here God hides himself, and I receive 
 no answer. I contemplate from this day to set 
 apart fifteen minutes every noon, (unless prevented 
 by necessity,) to spread my case before God, and 
 seek direction from him ; and to supplicate his 
 grace, that my mind may be set at rest on the sub- 
 ject that has so long agitated and oppressed it. This 
 will be the burden of my petition. Not for the ex- 
 tended universe would I waive my own portion, 
 neither would I dictate to the Supreme Arbiter of 
 all things. I only ask for a settled acquiesence,^ 
 and to be dehvered from these corroding anxieties. 
 In other words, I pray for a firmer practical belief 
 in a superintending, general, and particular provi- 
 dence. My soul longs to rest here, and to pene-
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 175 
 
 trate so far into the dealings of God towards me, 
 as shall compose my mind. But alas ! I fear I must 
 wait till eternity lifts the veil, and I see God face 
 to face. 
 
 June 13. Prayer is truly speaking my comfort. 
 It will compose my mind, — sooth my sorrows, — in- 
 spire hope, — strengthen patience, — and for a season 
 subdue self-will. Prayerless souls are ignorant how 
 much they lose. Let me submit, trust, love, and 
 adore. Let me submit, for infinite wisdom is at the 
 helm. Let me trust, for in doubting the promises, 
 God's integrity is called in question. Let me love, 
 for whatever befalls me, his character is love, even 
 to perfection. Let me adore, for, though a veil is 
 drawn over the operations of his hand, faith assures 
 me they are altogether righteous. 
 
 June 16. The children are just returning from 
 a sabbath school, recently established in this city. 
 Happy state of childish ignorance, and happy would 
 be their state of maturity, if a knowledge of their 
 duty, and their Savior, were the only knowledge 
 they would obtain by an increase of years. But 
 time multiphes ideas ; and an increase of ideas is 
 generally only an increase of sorrows and sins. 
 We cannot breathe the air of this polluted world, 
 with our polluted natures, without contracting the 
 infection ; and this moral disease " grows with our 
 growth, and strengthens with our strength." The
 
 176 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 children of God, to be sure, are supplied with spirit- 
 ual medicine to counteract its ravages ; but taking 
 this remnant out of the account, and this vast world 
 is little better than a hospital and a mad-house. As 
 ignorance gives place to knowledge, she draws away 
 peace in her train, and leaves unhappy man with an 
 enlightened understanding and an aching heart. 
 
 June 21. The General Association of the cler- 
 gy of this state held their annual session in this city 
 this week. On Wednesday afternoon the sacra- 
 ment was administered to five or six hundred com- 
 municants. A spirit of supplication has appeared 
 to be poured out upon me of late, and my mind 
 has been relieved of many a heavy burden by 
 spreading my case before God. What awaits me 
 I know not ; but in the strength of Christ I am de- 
 termined to pray and wait, — wait and pray, trusting 
 that his promises shall be fulfilled to me also, even 
 to me. 
 
 June 26. Monday I felt discouraged, and the 
 tempter whispered that prayer was useless. Does 
 it produce any effect ? was a question that sounded 
 in my ears all day at intervals ; — no, my unbeliev- 
 ing heart would continually answer. Then hard 
 thoughts of Providence would rise in my mind, 
 and gloom and despondency would cloud my spirits. 
 
 June 30. I bless my God for the mercies of this 
 day. My heart is full, my God is kind and hears
 
 M E M I R S O F M A R Y L Y N . ] 77 
 
 my complaints. He has supported me in a season 
 of trial, and 2inll carry me through whatever awaits 
 me. O ! my God, help me to trust in thee, — 
 strengthen my faith, — increase my patience, — for- 
 give my sins, — hear my prayer, and save me from 
 the tempter. I ask only in the name of Jesus, to 
 whom with Thee, and the Holy Spirit, will be all 
 the praise of my salvation to eternity. 
 
 July 3. Sometimes I stand on " Prospect Hill." 
 The sun shines warm, the atmosphere is clear, the 
 surrounding objects pleasing, and the distant land- 
 scape inspires hope, peace, and joy. And then 
 suddenly I find myself in the valley, fighting with 
 Apollyon. I do not rest on frames, but on the 
 Lord Jesus Christ, and therefore my hope does not 
 sink with my heart ; but more equanimity o^ feel- 
 ing is most truly desirable. The shadow of a mur- 
 mur against the blessed God, either in thought or 
 word, is as unreasonable as it is impious. If we 
 examine, we shall find that sin is the root of all our 
 sufferings ; either our own sins, or the sins of others. 
 Natural evil was the product of sin in the first place, 
 and we may now safely ascribe all sufferings, of all 
 kinds, to this cause. 
 
 July 19. " Why weepest thou," said the blessed 
 Savior to the once polluted, then justified, but now 
 glorified Mary Magdalene. Should the same ques- 
 tion be asked me, I would answer, I weep. Lord,
 
 178 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 because sin has entered the world, and the crown 
 has fallen from the head of Adam. I weep, be- 
 cause affliction has laid her leaden hand upon every 
 individual of his wretched posterity. I weep. Lord, 
 because my nature is sinful, my affections corrupt, 
 my will rebellious, and my thoughts impious. Surely 
 I have much cause to weep. 
 
 July 21. My noon-day prayer was answered 
 for the time, and we must not expect a supply of 
 grace only for the present hour. I am convinced 
 that indwelling sin is the source of my continual in- 
 quietude. If all were right within, all would be right 
 without. That grace may out-grow nature, and 
 keep it in subjection, must be the business of life ; 
 and may the Lord aid me in this arduous conflict. 
 
 July 23. My dear brother B. has arrived from 
 Charleston. With him I received a letter from his 
 mother, Mrs. R., and an invitation to accompany 
 him and E. to Charleston the next autumn. I have 
 much cause for gratitude to God for the mercies I 
 enjoy in my friends. Social affections are a source 
 of much enjoyment, and life would indeed be dreary 
 without the comforts of mutual friendship and af-. 
 fection. 
 
 Sabbath, 28. I have much cause for the exer- 
 cise of humility in my soul this evening. I have 
 been so spiritless and dull on religious subjects, and 
 so anxious and inwardly disquieted on temporal
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 179 
 
 ones. But my uneasiness has not been selfish. The 
 troubles of those I love, and not my own, have 
 burdened my mind to-day, and made me look for- 
 ward with apprehension. Unbelief is the source 
 of all this. Faith enables the soul to repose in God, 
 and give up all things to the direction of his wis- 
 dom. At noon I poured out my soul in earnest 
 supplication, and since that I have felt in some 
 measure relieved. Dispose of me and mine. Lord, 
 according to thine own will, only let the issue be to 
 thy glory and our salvation. 
 
 Aug. 4. Once more I have visited the table of 
 the Lord. What a standing proof of the love and 
 death of Christ is this ordinance, continued for more 
 than eighteen centuries the distinguishing badge of 
 the christian church. The hope of salvation through 
 a Savior, is the anchor of my soul in all my trials, 
 of which I have a great share ; though the opinion 
 of the world around me, is to the contrary. But 
 it would be impious ingratitude to my Maker and 
 kind Benefactor, to say I have more than others. 
 I have less than many others ; and less, far less, 
 than I deserve. O ! how " earthly, sensual, and 
 devilish" is my heart. I long to be delivered from 
 myself. I long for the happiness of hoUness. I 
 am weary of this base world, and yet, astonishing 
 as it is, I find my heart wishing for, and seeking 
 after its enjoyments.
 
 180 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 Aug. 19. This afternoon I have been with 
 many others to hear a sermon from Mr. Taylor, 
 at the dwelling of my grandmother, who was this 
 day ninety-one years of age. She will probably 
 never witness another birth-day ; but death is no 
 evil to her. She is impatient for her release, 
 and anxiously waiting for the summons. I long for 
 the rest of an eternal sabbath, where my tempest- 
 tossed soul can be at peace ; but let a sense of ill- 
 desert make me patient. 
 
 Sept. 13. Commencement is over, and, as usual, 
 I have parted with several friends whom I remem- 
 ber with interest. There is in my natural disposi- 
 tion a tendency to melanchoUy. But I think my 
 increasing experience of the goodness of God, ena- 
 bles me in some measure to trust in him, even when 
 the cloud appears the blackest. It is indeed strange, 
 that my heart is ever heavy, or that my spirits ever 
 sink, when I know so well the power and willing- 
 ness of God, to help and dehver. O ! for more 
 faith. 
 
 Sept. 15. My journey through this world re. 
 sembles one traveling a very narrow path, walled 
 on each side by a hedge of sharp thorns. If 07ie 
 false step is taken, if one irregular motion is made, 
 the unhnppy sufferer finds himself bleeding. On 
 every side I find the enemies of my peace, and the 
 enemies of my soul. I look this way, and my spirit
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 181 
 
 is wounded. I look the other, and my soul is en- 
 dangered. I look forward, and clouds of gloom 
 bar up the prospect, — backward, and tears of re- 
 gret start from my eyes. I can do nothing but 
 look upward, — upward to the God who formed me, 
 and who knows my weakness, and the secret sor- 
 rows of my heart. Perhaps it is in mercy, that 
 the waters of this mortal life should all be bitter to 
 my taste, and the gales of this terrestrial atmos- 
 phere, wintry blasts. But hold, my pen, and hold, 
 my heart, lest I murmur against the providence of 
 the blessed God. I ought to sing of mercy, as well 
 as judgment. The crown of immortal life is held 
 out to my acceptance. The shining path to heaven 
 is opened to my view. " I will look unto the hills, 
 from whence cometh my help." " What time I 
 am afraid, I will trust in thee." 
 
 Sept. 22. The grace of God is sufficient for 
 every emergency, and my faith ought to be strength- 
 ened by every fresh proof I receive of the good- 
 ness of God towards me. Sometimes all around 
 me is involved in darkness, and despondency al- 
 most makes me cast away my hope. But the Lord 
 from time to time upholds me, and bids me look up,, 
 and trust in him. I will do so, blessed God ! 
 
 Sept. 27. Yesterday I received a letter, the con- 
 tents of which were important. I have answered 
 
 it, (I think,) according to the dictates of truth and 
 16
 
 182 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 conscience ; and, if I have, I may safely leave the 
 event to God. 
 
 Sept. 29. The Lord is good. He hears my 
 impatient prayers, and with astonishing condescen- 
 sion grants my request. I have received a direct 
 answer to my noon-day petition, after only three 
 months asking. I feel as if I had wrestled with 
 God, and prevailed. O ! how ought this event to 
 strengthen my faith, and humble me in the dust at 
 his footstool. How can God's rational creatures 
 neglect prayer, when prayer, joined with faith and 
 patience, will perform such wonders ? 
 
 Oct. 4. Blessed God, direct me. Look with 
 mercy upon my perplexity, O my Maker ! Take 
 from me not only the will, but the power of acting 
 contrary to thy good pleasure. Let me be in thy 
 hands, "as clay in the hands of the potter." 
 
 Oct. 6. This has been a happy communion day. 
 My heart was raised to heaven while partaking of 
 the elements, and seemed on the point of bursting 
 with gratitude to the ever blessed God. O what a 
 debt do I owe my Maker ! When I thought of the 
 dangers I had escaped, — the temptations through 
 which I had been carried, I could not suppress my 
 tears. Salvation belongs to God, and to his name 
 be all the glory ! 
 
 Miss Lyon, with her brother-in-law, Mr. B., and
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. Ig3 
 
 his family, sailed for Charleston on the 12th of this 
 month. 
 
 Charleston, South Carolina. 
 
 Nov. 1. Once more, through the providence of 
 God, I breathe the air of a southern clime, and feel 
 the influence of a southern sun. I hope this step 
 has been taken under the smile of divine approba- 
 tion, and that the blessing of God will rest upon it. 
 If I know my own heart, 5e/f.gratification was not 
 my motive for leaving the place of my nativity. I 
 have many ties which bind me there. I commit 
 myself to the care of that Being, who preserved 
 me on the mighty deep ; who is my refuge in all 
 places and under all circumstances ; and to whom, 
 with the Son and the Spirit, I would hereafter join 
 in a song of endless gratitude and praise. 
 
 Nov. 3. To-day is communion, but being dis- 
 tressed with an intense head-ache, I have not en- 
 joyed it as the last. How deluded are those who 
 neglect their eternal interests, with the intention of 
 securing the benefits of repentance on a death-bed, 
 when a slight indisposition unfits the soul for the 
 duties of religion. Blessed God, save thy simple 
 ones from this dreadful delusion of Satan. 
 
 Nov. 5. Received a letter to-day from Mr. . 
 
 The Lord direct my conduct, and influence my 
 feelmgs in this affair.
 
 184 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 Nov. 8. Yesterday was observed in this city as 
 a day of thanksgiving, for the uncommon health of 
 the last summer. I felt that I was under peculiar 
 obligations to exercise gratitude towards my blessed 
 Benefactor. The answers to prayer that have 
 been granted m.e within a few months, are remark- 
 able. 
 
 Nov. 14. I have called on Mrs. Bennett, Mrs. 
 Johnson, and Mrs. Stiles. Took tea with Mrs. 
 Stiles on Wednesday. She seems deeply interest- 
 ed in the subject of religion, and treats me with un- 
 common kindness. I greatly value her friendship. 
 I lead a very domestic life, though I live in a gay, 
 dissipated city, which shows we are not compelled 
 to adopt the customs of the world, though we are 
 obliged to live in it. 
 
 Nov. 17. Break the charm, blessed God, that 
 binds my soul to this base world. Raise my affec- 
 tions on the wings of faith and love, to that pure 
 region of spiritual excellence where Thou dwellest. 
 Be thou my supreme good. Never suffer me to 
 be so mad as to expect happiness in ought but 
 Thee. 
 
 Nov. 29. Time glides so rapidly away, I can 
 hardly remember the incidents of the preceding 
 day. But they are all registered above. My 
 thoughts, words, and actions, — the events of my 
 whole life, with their causes and consequences, —
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 185 
 
 the happy or fatal effects of steps I have taken 
 without consideration, and sometimes almost with- 
 out consciousness, — and above all, the load of mo- 
 ral evil I have contracted during my earthly pil- 
 grimage, will all be disclosed. Spread thy skirt 
 over me, my Savior, in that tremendous day ! and 
 present me to the Father in the spotless robe of 
 thine own righteousness, — Amen. 
 
 Dec. 3. I find my soul flies more directly to 
 God, in perplexity and sorrow, than formerly. If 
 this is a mark of growing in grace, bless the Lord 
 for it, O my soul. 
 
 Dec. 8. How many ways Satan is trying to ob- 
 tain my soul ; but thanks be unto God, I am not 
 wholly ignorant of his devices. Sometimes he 
 appals me, and at other times the cloven foot is so 
 apparent that I can smile at his attempts. Surely 
 there must be something very valuable in my soul, 
 or the conflict would not be so prolonged, or so 
 great. At seasons, the power of God is the attri- 
 bute which comforts and supports my soul more 
 than all others. I have felt calm from a conviction 
 that I was wholly at the disposal of God, even when 
 uncertain what his design was towards me. 
 
 16*
 
 1Q6- MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, Dec, 8, 1816. 
 
 My Dear Father : — We have been here about 
 six weeks. Twelve days from the time we sailed 
 from N. H,, we were quietly and pleasantly settled 
 in our own house. E. and myself are preparing a 
 package of letters to send by Capt. L., and judg- 
 ing our friends at home by ourselves, we think they 
 will not be unacceptable. 
 
 We rejoiced to hear, that the blessings of health 
 was enjoyed by yourself and family in so good a 
 measure ; particularly, that our mother is in any de- 
 gree relieved from those distressing maladies, which 
 afflicted her when we left N. PI. Every mitiga- 
 tion of sufforing, of whatever kind it may be, is a 
 call for our gratitude to Him, " from whom cometh 
 every good and perfect gift ;" and our own health 
 and that of our friends, is certainly among our 
 greatest temporal mercies. 
 
 Charleston appears very much as when I left. 
 My former acquaintances are apparently still dis- 
 posed to exercise a spirit of friendship and kindness 
 towards me. Judge Johnson treats me with much 
 politeness. We were invited there on a dining 
 party a few days since, with Mr. and Mrs. Cheves, 
 and other company. Mr. B. and E. were there, 
 but a headache kept me at home. If you are will-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 187 
 
 ing dear father, T wish you would part with one vol- 
 ume of those ancient newspapers, pubHshed during 
 the protectorship of Cromwell, that I may present to 
 Judge J., as a donation to the " Literary and Phi- 
 losophical Society." It would be an acceptable 
 gift to the Society, and gratifying to him. Major 
 Theus still retains the Collector's office, though 
 nearly seventy years of age. 
 
 We were glad to learn, that you have a prospect 
 of arranging your tenements and your tenants, ac- 
 cording to your wishes. Charleston is very busy 
 in consequence of an uncommon accession of stran- 
 gers. Provisions of all kinds very high. Butter, 
 seventy-five cents per pound — milk, one shilling per 
 quart — some kinds of meat, two shillings and three 
 pence per pound — ham, tvventy-five cents — one 
 dollar and fifty cents for a small turkey — two dol- 
 lars for a loin of veal, &c. 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, Dec. 13, 1816. 
 My Dear Father : — T was sorry to hear of so 
 many failures in my native city ; but trust, the 
 present period of commercial embarrassments is 
 the crisis, and better times will soon make their ap- 
 pearance, A Jew, rich in this world's goods, but 
 in other respects an object of pity, lost by a failure, 
 a few days since, $200. Trifling as this sum was
 
 188 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 to him, the loss was insupportable, and he destroy- 
 ed his own life in despair. This blinded people are 
 accused of a stronger attachment to the " yellow 
 god" than christians, and certainly, to extenuate 
 their conduct a little, they do not profess to take 
 the New Testament for their rule. " The veil is 
 still upon their hearts ;" and the precepts, the mis- 
 sion, and the character of the Lord Jesus, are their 
 scorn. But we have no such excuse to plead. We 
 have a perfect example offered for our imitation, 
 and we profess to believe that the revelation by 
 Him is truth itself. How little the christian would 
 appear to realize the disagreement between their 
 professions and practice ; and how insensible of the 
 just charges that may be brought against them by 
 the posterity of Israel ! The Jews exercise a spirit 
 of bitter prejudice and hatred towards christians, 
 and they return it by ridicule and oppression. 
 This is the kind of intercourse between them, and 
 it will probably continue till the glorious period ar- 
 rives, " when all shall be of one heart and one 
 mind." Then the scattered tribes of Jacob shall 
 be collected, and reinstated in their ancient pos- 
 session of the land of Canaan — not to celebrate the 
 morning and evening sacrifice of the typical lamb, 
 without spot or blemish, but to ofTer up the morn- 
 ing and evening sacrifice oi^ faith in that Lamb, 
 " slain from the foundation of the world," and to
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 189 
 
 exalt and magnify that glorified Savior, whom their 
 own impious hands once nailed to the tree ! 
 
 When I left home my dear father, I put a jar of 
 currant jelly and ajar of preserved barberries, which 
 I made imrticularly for you and mamma, in the 
 east chamber closet. No one but myself, proba- 
 bly, knew the circumstance, and I forgot to men- 
 tion it when I left home. 
 
 I have purchased some silk for mamma a dress, 
 which I shall send on. I hope the color will please 
 her. It is now dark, and Capt. L. sails in the 
 morning, so I must bid my dear lather, and all the 
 family, farewell. 
 
 Dec. 14. We ought to be diligent in improving 
 every moment of time, when so large a portion of 
 life is taken up in necessary employments. If we 
 have half an hour, or fifteen minutes of leisure, we 
 are not at liberty to spend them in idleness. Oc- 
 cupations enough present themselves, which are 
 not absolutely business, and while they in some 
 measure amuse may also be useful. We can at 
 least, spend them in reading or writing something 
 that may improve the mind, or what is better, the 
 heart ; and thus all our spare moments may be 
 turned to good account. 
 
 Dec. 28. Christmas day I attended service at 
 St. Philip's church ; dined and spent the remainder
 
 190 MEMOIRS OF MARY L Y X. 
 
 of the day at Mr. Bennett's. Another year is 
 drawing to a close. When I take a retrospect, I 
 find goodness and mercy have followed me through 
 the past year. I have received direct answers to 
 prayer. I have been preserved, both by sea and 
 land. In seasons of despondency and gloom, I 
 have been supported, and in due time delivered. 
 In times of temptation I have been rescued, even 
 when the temptation arose" from my own unwatch- 
 fulness and presumption. Bless the Lord, O my 
 soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name ! 
 
 Jan. 1, 1817. Ah! how melancholy to write 
 a new date. 
 
 Uncertainty, is written on future time. Tliis 
 coming year to me^ may be full of the most import- 
 ant .events — it may land me on the shores of eter- 
 nity ; and on some accounts, I feel more than usual 
 solemnized at this season. How the wheels of time 
 roll ! My life passes with the rapidity of the " post 
 boy," and like his, the place of destination cannot 
 be far off. To the Lord I would commit the com- 
 ing year, whether prosperity or adversity, life or 
 death, is to be my portion. 
 
 Jan. 4. I attended the Wednesday evening lec- 
 ture. The words of the text, " This year thou 
 shalt die," spoke forcibly to every reflecting mind. 
 
 Jan. 7. Sunday was not as happy a communion 
 season as the last. I could not realize divine things
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 191 
 
 as I wished, and my sluggish soul was fettered by 
 the world. I have since felt the invariable conse- 
 quence of such a state of mind, and could not rest 
 in God as usual. This morning I sought him 
 whom, (I trust,) my soul loveth, in fervent prayer 
 and supplication. My own concerns, and those I 
 love, are at the disposal of infinite power, guided by 
 infinite wisdom : why should I then fear ? Free 
 agency is indeed mine ; but if I pray for direction, 
 God will not suffer me to run fatally astray. I 
 commit my way to him, and pray, that he will 
 lead me through his own path to eternal glory. 
 
 TO HER SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 CJmrleston, Jan. 8, 1817. 
 My Dear Sophia : — The idea, that another por- 
 tion of our probation has expired, and the uncer- 
 tainty what awaits us during the new period of time 
 on which we have entered, produces a temporary 
 gloom in a reflecting mind. But our past experi- 
 ence, dear S., of the goodness of God, should lead 
 us to trust him unreservedly for the future. The 
 rapid flight of time ought to produce no uueasiness 
 in our minds but what arises from a consciousness of 
 its misimprovement, and the dangers our souls must 
 encounter before we reach that place " where time 
 shall be no more." The veil of obscurity, which 
 wraps the future, leaves the same ground for hope,
 
 192 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 as fear ; and it is certainly more our duty and our 
 interest to trust than to distrust. The sunshine of 
 grace may be warmer, and the smiles of Providence 
 sweeter, than we have ever yet experienced. An- 
 ticipation, as respects temporal good or evil, is a 
 word with which christians have nothing to do. 
 
 1 enjoy myself better than when I was here be- 
 fore. There is certainly a spirit of greater seri- 
 ousness, and the few ladies who compose the little 
 society who meet for prayer on Saturday evenings 
 at Dr. Palmer's, manifest a state of mind, and pur- 
 sue a course of conduct, that I never witnessed be- 
 fore in this place. 
 
 About ten days since, at 4 o'clock P. M., the in- 
 habitants of Charleston experienced a slight shock 
 of an earthquake. We felt nothing of it, and the 
 general panic in a few days subsided. The night 
 before last we were visited by a much more severe 
 one. The shock was so violent as to throw books 
 from shelves ; and the people in the city left their 
 bods in terror. We were still unconscious of any 
 thing uncommon, till informed of it by others ;. 
 though 1 felt, on rising, a sensation resembling sea 
 sickness, which is the usual eifect. Dear S., how 
 little we realize our dependence on God, when even 
 the earth that bears us, carries in its bosom the ma- 
 terials for its own destruction, and but for the re- 
 straining power of its Maker, would soon return to
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 193 
 
 its original chaos. The most important truth, rela- 
 tive to matter, for us to know, is, that God fashioned 
 the world according to his own wisdom, — that sec- 
 ond causes are the instruments he uses, — that his 
 power can continue its usual state of harmonious 
 order for millions of ages, or destroy this work of 
 his hands partially or wholly, as he sees best. At 
 all times his children are safe, even in that day 
 " when the heavens shall pass away with a great 
 noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat ; 
 the earlh also, and the works that are therein, shall 
 be burned up." 
 
 I know not how it is, but without the faith of as- 
 surance, and almost without evidence of possessing 
 any genuine faith, meditations on the character of 
 God, in seasons of danger and trial, are the props 
 which sustain me. O ! how often has the contem- 
 plation of his character given support to my soul, 
 when I could find it in nothing else, and even when 
 I knew not that I had any interest in his favor, 
 through Jesus Christ. 
 
 Give my respects to Mr. Linsley, and submit to 
 his opinion two questions, and let me know his de- 
 cision, viz : Is it right to let expediency be the mo- 
 tive for forming a matrimonial connection ? Is it 
 right for a professor to maiTy a non- professor ? Do 
 not suppose I am acting a double part, or that I have 
 in the least degree implicated myself, Mv sincer- 
 17
 
 194 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 ity has bordered on incivility, and my fear of giving 
 false encouragement, has made me sometimes al- 
 most rude. 
 
 We have heard the death of S. L., and Capt. 
 L.'s child. Poor aunt Lines is indeed afflicted. 
 Tell all the family we sympathize with them sin- 
 cerely. Distribute my love and compliments as 
 you think proper ; remembering me particularly 
 to cousin Sarah Lyon. Is Mrs. Garfield in New 
 Haven ? 
 
 Jan. 27. The fear of man is a snare, in which 
 I have been repeatedly caught, and betrayed into 
 sin. To fear man is to fear a shadow, — a passing 
 shadow. One realizing thought of death would re- 
 press this fear, and make us fear Him whose dis- 
 pleasure is indeed dreadful. This winter, consid- 
 ering the latitude, is very cold. I have thought 
 much to-day of my friends in the northern states, 
 who experience the rigors of a keener atmosphere, 
 but hope they enjoy the sunshine of grace. 
 
 Feb. 1. Habit is powerful ; and how important, 
 then, to establish good ones. In nothing is the in- 
 fluence of habit seen more clearly than in the gov- 
 ernment of the temper. If anger is successfully 
 resisted in one instance, it is more easy to do it the 
 second time, and so on till resistance become a 
 liahit, and then victory is certain. On the contra-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 195 
 
 ry, the mind is weakened every time we yield to 
 temptation, and our power to oppose it becomes less 
 and less. One fall prepares the way for another, 
 till at last the mind becomes like " a city broken 
 down and without walls," and exposed to the full 
 power of the enemy. 
 
 Feb. 2. I have heard a sermon to-day on chris- 
 tian meekness, which was very needful for me at 
 this time. My pride has been painfully wounded 
 by a friend, from whom I have ever experienced 
 the utmost kmdness. Perhaps I was mistaken ; 
 but if not, christian meekness requires that I should 
 suppress every unpleasant feeling, for pride is surely 
 the source of this uneasiness. Humihty is the pa- 
 rent of mental tranquillity, and pride the prolific 
 cause of trouble and disquiet. Help me, my Sa- 
 vior, to copy thy bright example in the exercise of 
 this sweet spirit. 
 
 Feb. 8. On Wednesday the ground was cov- 
 ered with snow, and every tree and shrub incrusted 
 with ice. In a southern latitude, where there are 
 so many evergreens and flowers in full bloom 
 through the winter, this appearance was as beau- 
 tiful as it was novel. Every object glittered in the 
 sun, and nature was indeed clothed in her most 
 splendid garb. But O ! how far these earthly splen- 
 dors fall short of the glories of the New Jerusalem. 
 Yesterday I received letters from my mother, Eliz-
 
 196 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 abeth, and Sophia. My dear friends are all well, 
 and I would thank my God for this mercy. 
 
 Feb. 9. I have heard a sermon to-day on the 
 joys of heaven ; but the subject was treated in so 
 heartless a manner, the preacher hardly appeared 
 to be in earnest. He seemed to carry all his hear- 
 ers to heaven as a thing of course ; he mentioned 
 so lightly the necessary qualifications for that state. 
 How melancholy that this "responsible station should 
 be filled by men whose views of religious truth are 
 so superficial, and whose christian experience is so 
 doubtful. The majority of every congregation need 
 exhortation to " flee from the wrath to come," and 
 the very few who sustain the opposite character, are 
 far from requiring opiates. 
 
 Feb. 17. I habituate myself to a course of self- 
 examination of the day past, every night when I 
 retire to rest. O ! how much I find wrong in my 
 temper, disposition, and conduct. What need of 
 sanctifying grace. 
 
 Feb. 19. The two or three last days I have 
 spent in nursing. Sickness in the family engrosses 
 my time and attention day and night. I pray God 
 to qualify me to discharge the duties of my present 
 situation to his acceptance and glory. 
 
 Sabbath noon, Feb. 23. O ! this vain, this en- 
 snaring world. My soul is sick of it. I long for 
 the pure joys, and the pure society of heaven. A
 
 M E M O I R S F M A R y L Y N , ] 97 
 
 few more suns, and I have done with earth for- 
 ever, — a few more changes, and the last great 
 change will come. O ! that it might usher me 
 into a purer region, — a fairer mansion, — where my 
 blessed Savior sits enthroned in glory, and shines 
 with unclouded li^ht throusrh the wide dominions 
 
 CD O 
 
 of the New Jerusalem. 
 
 Feb. 26. Last evening I omitted a little act of 
 self-denial that conscience told me I ought to per- 
 form, and dearly did I pay for it. My sleep was 
 broken, — my mind agitated, — and this morning I 
 arose with a heavy gloom upon my spirits, which 
 continued until tears and prayers brought my soul 
 relief. I prayed with earnestness, and I trust the 
 Lord heard me from his holy hill, for the burden 
 is removed. 
 
 March 3. We little prize mercies in possess- 
 ion ; but when removed, we clearly see their value. 
 Sickness in the family for the last two or three 
 weeks, has made me feel that health is indeed 
 among the greatest temporal blessings. My time 
 and attention are engrossed night and day ; but I 
 thank the Lord that nothing alarming yet appears. 
 My advantages for becoming eminent in piety, — 
 useful to my fellow beings, — and for securing a 
 crown of glory in the world to come, appear to me 
 uncommonly great. " To whom much is given, 
 much will be required," is a text which ought to be 
 17*
 
 198 * MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 continually in my mind, and produce a correspond- 
 ing effect upon my conduct ; for time is short, and 
 what is done must be done speedily. 
 
 March 10. How weak is my faith! My dear 
 sister is sick ; and though I am assured, by my own 
 reason and the opinion of others, that there is no- 
 thing alarming in her situation, yet at times my 
 heart sinks with apprehension. Bunyan's " All 
 Prayer" is my only refuge ; and blessed be God, 
 that is still open for me through Christ. 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, March 12, 1817. 
 
 How much cause we have, (though we are occa* 
 sionally visited with sickness,) to thank and bless 
 our God that our lives are thus far continued, while 
 so many families of our acquaintance are called to 
 mourning, because some beloved member is remo- 
 ved by death. 
 
 Dr. Dwight's labors on earth have then ceased. 
 His son, and Mrs. Harrison, who were fellow pas- 
 sengers with us, have both lost a parent since they 
 left home. Mrs. Boardman, (excellent woman !) has 
 without doubt entered into rest. But her gain is 
 indeed the loss of her family, — the community in 
 which she lived, — and the church of Christ. The 
 termination of Henry Sherman's earthly pilgrim- 
 age, is indeed most melancholy ; but I trust he has
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 199 
 
 made a happy exchange of a world of sorrow, for 
 one of everlasting peace. His life has been un- 
 commonly exemplary, almost from his birth ; and 
 few persons have attained his age with so few stains 
 upon their profession. If his religious tenets be- 
 came unsettled during the last few weeks of his 
 life, so were all the faculties of his mind ; and a 
 disordered intellect, as it destroys free agency, so 
 it also destroys accountahility . 
 
 We are all in good health, excepting Emelia, who 
 has been extremely distressed with a complaint in her 
 face, and had three teeth extracted without getting 
 iiny relief. She thinks she is now better, and is 
 sitting up in bed. I am very careful to prevent 
 her taking cold, and am now writing in her cham- 
 ber. Little Joseph has just returned from school, 
 and says I must tell grandpapa that " he stands at 
 the top of the class." I do not know what kind 
 of class it is ; but I strongly suspect in his school, 
 " kissing goes by favor." However, he says he 
 went up by spelling the word Lock. A famous 
 class you will say, to be able to spell such important 
 words. Little Thomas is as full of mischief as 
 ever ; and when we endeavor to stop him, he looks 
 at us with a threatening aspect, and says, " What 
 do you mean ?" 
 
 The theatre last night was almost destroyed by 
 a mob ; of course the plays are suspended for the
 
 300 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 present, and this is a happy circumstance. Fare- 
 well my dear father. 
 
 March 17. A week of trial has passed, and I 
 am astonished and alarmed at my want of faith. If 
 I sink in this streamlet, what shall I do in the swell- 
 ings of Jordan ? Four weeks confinement in a 
 chamber of sickness has taught me some self- 
 knowledge. I have discovered that my faith is 
 alarmingly weak. The bare apprehension that 
 God might deprive me of a beloved sister, filled 
 me with dismay, and my soul sank within me. But 
 as God graciously reserves dying strength for a 
 dying hour, should he will me to a trial of this kind, 
 I hope he will bestow grace sufficient for the day, 
 and not leave my feeble spirit to sink under the 
 trial. 
 
 March 26. My sister is gradually recovering. 
 I hope I feel a sense of gratitude to God for his 
 mercy to me and mine. Those are happy who 
 bear patiently that kind of trial God is pleased to 
 send. It betrays great self-ignorance to suppose 
 that ours are the only insupportable ones, and that 
 we would much easier endure those of a diflferent 
 kind. If we murmur under one cross, we may 
 reasonably conclude we should under another. If 
 we meekly bow under the weight of a present bur-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYOX. 201 
 
 den, we may hope for strength under the pressure 
 of future ones. 
 
 March 30. A heavy rain has prevented my at- 
 tending church ; but as tliis is a providerdial hin- 
 derance, it is my duty to submit cheerfully. The 
 soul needs the outward exercises of devotion, just 
 as the body needs food ; and the soul grows fee- 
 ble, and sinks into a spiritual lethargy, without the 
 means of grace. 
 
 April 3. My present situation has a thousand 
 mercies, and a thousand sources of enjoyment ; 
 why then should I wish to change it ? However, 
 I am willing, if such is evidently the will of God. 
 1 only ask for divine influence and direction. My 
 tin:ies are in thy hands, my God. 
 
 April 10. My mind, yesterday and to-day, has 
 been agitated and apprehensive of evil. Should a 
 worldling ask me what I feared, — and I should an- 
 swer, that I feared the temptations of Satan, I should 
 be considered in a state of derangement. But it 
 is so. I am not ignorant of his wiles, — I know the 
 weakness of my faith, and therefore I fear. 
 
 April 18. My mind is perplexed. I fear to act, 
 and I fear to refrain from acting. O ! for a clear 
 discovery of the path of duty. It is dangerous for 
 those who have been aicakened, not to say converU 
 ed, to act contrary to the will of God. They may 
 do it, but they run themselves into the thorns, and
 
 202 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 will assuredly be wounded and bleeding. There 
 is no safety but in acting right, obeying God, and 
 keeping close to the gospel standard, without re- 
 garding the pleadings of selfishness. Preparation 
 for death is the one thing needful. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, April 18, 1817. 
 
 Before this reaches you, dear Sophia, you will 
 learn from Emelia's letter, that poor Mrs. Ann 
 Bennett is no more. The last night she passed in 
 this " vale of tears," I watched with her ; and when 
 I left her, at nine o'clock in the morning, for the 
 purpose of attending church, (it being sabbath,) we 
 entertained hopes that she was better. But alas ! 
 it was like the last flickering of a flame before it 
 expires. She died suddenly in the evening. She 
 has had a strong presentiment during the whole of 
 her sickness that she should not survive it. Her 
 friends, and wc among the number, have endeav- 
 ored to dissipate her apprehensions ; but the event 
 has proved too well founded. She took leave of 
 her family with perfect composure, and expressed 
 entire resignation to the will of God. 
 
 Does not God sometimes, my dear sister, send 
 these mental impressions as instruments of prepa- 
 ration for that approaching change which he fore- 
 sees ? Does not His blessed eye look upon, and
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 203 
 
 pity the soul hurrying to his awful bar, naked and 
 unconscious of its nakedness ? Does not his grace 
 in Christ Jesus interpose, and put that soul upon 
 seeking an Advocate at that bar, before the hour 
 of arraignment arrives ? I believe he sometimes 
 does ; and happy, thrice happy, are those who are 
 not " disobedient to the heavenly vision." I have 
 put on mourning, as I perceived it was the wish 
 and expectation of the family. 
 
 Young Faber is apparently near the closing 
 scene ; but as the material part decays, the imma- 
 terial appears to brighten. His natural reason is 
 clear, and his perception of divine truth very un- 
 common, considering the disordered state of his in- 
 tellect for some time past. He dies with all the 
 quietness and simplicity of a little child. His hfe 
 has been, according to human judgment, of the 
 most harmless, inoffensive kind. Books have been 
 his companions, and he has hardly known any other ; 
 and was alike ignorant of the world, and ignorant 
 of its vices. He feels a willingness to die, lest pro- 
 tracted life, (to use his own language,) should be in- 
 creasing his sins. 
 
 Miss B., and Major Lines, intend remaining here 
 till next spring. From my whole heart I can say. 
 The Lord lead me, and guide me, and make me 
 willing to act in this matter according to his will. 
 Never did the enUghtened soul gain any thing by
 
 204 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 acting contrary to the dictates of duty. It may 
 be done ; but God can meet us at every turn, and 
 make us smart for our presumption. This con- 
 sideration makes me afraid to follow my own incli- 
 nation, which would be to return home. " Charity 
 seeketh not her own," and perhaps I am 7iow called 
 upon to act in conformity to this standard of self- 
 denial ; and should I do otherwise, regret might 
 pursue me to the end of my days. Many argu- 
 ments, for and against the measure, continually 
 crowd my mind, and keep me undecided. No- 
 thing that Mr. Bennett or Emelia can do to make 
 me happy, is wanting ; and their wishes on this 
 subject you will know. Should I stay, it would in- 
 deed be "seeking not my own." 
 
 April 21. Much cause have I for thankfulness. 
 The sun of providence shines warm upon me, and 
 my heart feels, in some measure, a sweet sense of 
 its obligations to God. When I meditate upon the 
 distinguishing goodness of God to my soul, I feel 
 constrained to love. Whatever the world thinks, 
 real religion produces real happiness. " The love 
 of God shed abroad in the heart" by the Holy Spirit, 
 is pure unmixed enjoyment. Yesterday, I enjoyed 
 some happy moments, and to-day, my mind has 
 been peaceful. Let my soul rejoice that " the Lord 
 reigneth." " My times are in his hands," and sure-
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 205 
 
 ly, when I have received so much from him, I ought 
 to trust futurity to him without anxiety. Lord Je- 
 sus increase my faith, increase my love, and in- 
 crease my joy in thee. 
 
 Saturday. The scene around me is beautiful. 
 Vegetation is now in full luxuriance. The tide is 
 high, and flows almost beneath my window ; a fresh 
 breeze tempers the warmth of " the noon -tide 
 hour," and every object appears calculated to in- 
 spire mental tranquillity and joy. Ah ! how grate- 
 ful my soul should be, that no blast of adversity is 
 now gnawing my heart, and casting a sable man- 
 tle over the charms of nature. Others are smitten, 
 but I am spared. God makes me to differ, not 
 surely because I am better, but because his grace 
 in Christ Jesus so wills it. Forbid, blessed God, that 
 1 should be spared in anger, and write laws of grati- 
 tude upon my heart for the P».edeemer's sake. 
 
 Tuesday. Two points at present perplex me, and I 
 know not what to do. Had I more faith I should not 
 experience this uneasiness. I am called to exercise 
 my free agency , and a fear that I may hereafter re- 
 gret my conduct fills me with anxiety. Human 
 judgment is fallible, and no finite mind can know 
 the end from the beginning. 
 18
 
 206 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, April 22, 1817. 
 
 I THANK Mr. Linsley for his answers to my ques- 
 tions. He has said all on the subject that the 
 scriptures authorize, and private opinion is nothing^ 
 because human judgment, even when sanctified, is 
 falHble. 
 
 In reading the bible in course, I came to the 
 books of Ezra and Nehemiah, at the very period 
 when direction seemed necessary. The people of 
 God, you recollect, were required to separate from 
 their partners, even after they had families of child- 
 ren ; and this appears to be an intimation of the 
 path of duty to be pursued by christians under the 
 gospel dispensation, excepting in cases where mar- 
 riage has actually taken place. On this point the 
 opinion and language of the apostle is full and ex- 
 plicit, that the believer must abide with the unbe- 
 liever, &c. 
 
 There may be cases where a contrary course 
 would be justifiable, and should my affections be- 
 come engaged, self-love might 7;er5Zfa<ie me that my 
 own case was one of this number, so powerful is 
 the principle of self-love in the human heart. The 
 burden of my daily prayer, for some time past, has 
 been, that the intentions of God towards me and the 
 feelings of my heart might correspond ; and the
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 207 
 
 longer I offer up this petition the more indifferent 
 I become. Is not this circumstance an intimation 
 of the will of God ? We must not expect a reve- 
 lation to determine us in particular points of per- 
 plexity. 
 
 I have written but twice, and those letters con- 
 cealed no part of my sentiments, so that 1 have 
 done nothing worthy of censure, even in the judg- 
 ment of the person most concerned. I cannot 
 think duty requires me to take so important a step, 
 merely to comply with the wishes and save the 
 feelings of another, when my own mind is in this 
 state. 
 
 Is it not a singular occurrence in Providence, 
 dear Sophia, that although many times it has been 
 at my option to change my situation, never yet 
 have I been addressed by one whom I could regard 
 as a christian ? This circumstance has sometimes 
 led me to think that God has designed me for a single 
 life. I write to you, my dear sister, with the utmost 
 confidence ; but I wish you not to mention the 
 subject of this letter to any one. 
 
 I am going to town this afternoon to get some- 
 thing neat to send you and Elizabeth, by the Shep- 
 herdess. I hope you will approve of my taste as 
 much as Mr. Bennett did of yours. How did mo- 
 ther like her dress ? Ask her, from me, to send 
 gome httle present to Flora, The faithful, good
 
 208 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 creature, lives with us, and neglects nothing for our 
 comfort. 
 
 There is a strong contest prevailing now, with 
 respect to settling a colleague with Dr. Palmer, a 
 Mr. T., who, to the astonishment of all, has open- 
 ly declared himself a Socinian. This infatuated 
 party still adhere to him, and the issue is doubtful. 
 Major Theus informed me, when in town, that he 
 had cleared Capt. Lines, of course our letters, &c., 
 must be dispatched. 
 
 April 23. The Shepherdess sailed this morning 
 with a fair, brisk wind, and will probably soon 
 reach my native city. My mind is perplexed, — I 
 am uncertain what is duty with respect to remain- 
 ing here this summer, and no one can direct me. 
 
 May 7. How my will rises in rebellion when 
 called to take up the cross ! Self-love pleads pow- 
 erfully, that these things ought not so to be, and self- 
 will creates a great portion of our sufferings through 
 life. What a happy thing is a quiet submissive 
 temper. 
 
 Thursday. I pray God to influence me by his 
 grace in my present concerns. I pray to be kept 
 from presumption on the one hand, and slavish fear 
 on the other. I pray that I may act according to 
 the will of God, and feel easy as to consequences. 
 I earnestly pray that my present course may be
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 209 
 
 such, that I may hereafter reflect upon it with ap- 
 probation and comfort. These mercies I ask in 
 the name of Jesus. 
 
 Friday. To-day my mind has been calm, though 
 thoughtful. Many circumstances unite to con- 
 vince me of the rapidity of time, and the proba- 
 ble nearness of death. But no matter, if God by 
 his grace will prepare me for the great change ; for 
 with truth I can say, " Lord vvhat a wretched land 
 is this ?" 
 
 May 18. Have sent a letter to brother William. 
 When I awake in the miorning, a gloom shades my 
 mind, and 1 know not what course to pursue. I 
 entreat the Lord not to leave me to myself in this 
 uncertainty, but to influence my mind in choosing 
 that course which he will approve and bless. 
 
 Sabbath. There is nothing this side the courts 
 of heaven that will satisfy my soul. Empfyness is 
 written on every thing, and my heart finds a void 
 in all it looks to for enjoyment, that pertains to this 
 world. The blessed God has heard my prayers, and 
 in some instances, granted my petition. But I have 
 found it failed of bestowing that happiness I expect- 
 ed : and then my foolish heart would reach forward 
 to something else. The truth is, the soul was des- 
 tined, at its creation, for a region far, far beyond this 
 scene of things, and here it is not at home. The 
 soul passes through this world, as the traveler 
 18*
 
 210 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 through a wilderness — it finds no permanent rest, 
 no satisfying food, no uniform, continued light. 
 Now and then, a ray gleams across its path, and for 
 a season illumines the darkness. Sometimes a 
 cluster of the grapes of life hangs within its reach, 
 and it plucks and eats — and sometimes it rests, 
 sweetly reposing on Christ. But, anon, these com- 
 forts vanish, and again a dreary way lies before it. 
 
 May 20. Yesterday I took tea with Mrs. Stiles. 
 After my return, my mind became agitated, and a 
 fearful apprehension rushed into it, that Satan and 
 inward corruptions, were again renewing their at- 
 tacks. But God was better to me than my fears, 
 for although my sleep was broken, yet to-day I am 
 calm. Let my soul bless the Lord for his mercy, 
 and protecting grace. 
 
 May 24. Yesterday I accompanied a party to 
 Sullivan's Island, and returned by moonlight. I 
 have been almost continually in company, for a 
 week, and as I am situated, it seemed necessary ; 
 yet nothing tends more to interrupt a spiritual course 
 of thinking, than commerce with the world, and 
 therefore, christians should avoid it as much as pos- 
 sible. Some intercourse with those we cannot re- 
 gard as the children of God, is unavoidable ; but 
 duty requires that they should not be our chosen 
 companions, and the enjoyments of the world afford 
 no permanent peace. 
 
 I
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 211 
 
 May 26. Yesterday attended church, but the 
 day passed without spiritual improvement. I lis- 
 tened, as though I listened not, — I prayed as though 
 I prayed not, — I sang, but without feeling or inte- 
 rest ; and the ordinances of God's house appeared 
 lost upon me. O ! how I try the patience of my 
 God! 
 
 May 27. How often the voice of lamentation 
 assails my ears. Few, among those we call the 
 children of this world, will own themselves happy, 
 and how few, even among christians, can suppress 
 the language of complaint ! Great God, assist me 
 to act a wiser part. Let me think of the mercies 
 I enjoy, as well as the crosses I am called to bear. 
 Influence me to say, with Job, in sincerity of heart, 
 " Shall we receive good at the hand of God ; and 
 shall we not receive evil." In a few instances, du- 
 ring the last two or three days, I have been enabled 
 to preserve my mind in the state 1 wished, in a time 
 of temptation. I thank my God for this token of 
 his favor ; and pray for his assisting grace, in every 
 moment of trial, hereafter. Watchfulness and 
 prayer insure the aid of the Spirit, and the sinner 
 may charge every fall into sin, to his own pervers- 
 ness, or to his own indolent negligence. 
 
 May 31. The doctrine of free-agency, so ear- 
 nestly contended for by some, gives no comfort to 
 my soul. Could I feel as if I was, strictly speaking,
 
 212 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 like " clay in the hands of the potter," and believe 
 that all my actions were under the irresistible influ- 
 ences of the Spirit, 1 should be satisfied. But con- 
 science assures me this is not the case, and there- 
 fore, at times, my mind is pressed with regret for the 
 past, perplexity for the present, and apprehension 
 for the future. 
 
 June 2. The arrival of another season, has 
 found me in happier circumstances than the last. 
 O ! .that the next may also bear testimony, to the 
 distthguishing goodness of God to me and mine. I 
 acknowledge myself wholly unworthy of mercy, and 
 deserving of judgments ; still, T pray for sparing 
 goodness. O ! keep us from sickness, and all evil, 
 blessed God, if consistent v.ith ihy will and our 
 best good, for the Redeemer's sake ! 
 
 Monday. The last week has furnished me with 
 a most humiliating proof of my low state, in moral 
 goodness. I am indeed most vile. I am ashamed 
 before God, for he sees my heart. What rebellion 
 against his providence, — what ingratitude for his 
 mercies, — what distrust of his goodness. A trifle 
 will make me murmur, — a trifle will make me des- 
 pond ! O ! let me exercise more watchfulness ; 
 and may the bltssed God increase my faith and pa- 
 tience. I heard a sermon yesterday, from these 
 words, " What is man, that thou art mindful of 
 him." True enough, I thought, what is man, that
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 213 
 
 the great God should regard him ? and what am /, 
 that the Majesty of Heaven should hear my pray- 
 ers, and grant my petitions, as he frequently does ? 
 
 June 13. Yesterday, I heard of the death of my 
 grand-mother. She died, May 29, in her ninety- 
 third year. What a change she has experienced. 
 Sickness, sorrow, old age, and the pains of death, 
 for perfect health, unmixed joy, perpetual youth, and 
 life eternal. A long course of piety, puts all doubt 
 to flight, and we may feel satisfied, that she has 
 entered into the rest of heaven. 
 
 June 15. How few of those who call them- 
 selves christians realize that on this morning our 
 blessed Savior rose from the dead? How little do 
 they think of that awful morning yet to come, 
 when the earth and the sea shall cast forth their dead, 
 and all flesh stand before God. O ! may I stand 
 at the right hand of the Judge, and be found in 
 him, and to God shall be all the glory. Amen. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN MEREDITH, N. Y. 
 
 Charleston^ June 18, 1817. 
 
 Your letter, dear Sarah, was to my heart " good 
 news from a far country." Do write as often as is 
 consistent with your necessary duties and avocations. 
 
 Charleston furnishes many things to attract the 
 notice of one born in, and habituated to a northern 
 climate. Just below my window are two fig-trees,
 
 214 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 loaded with fruit, nearly ripe ; a little farther, pom- 
 egranate-trees in full blossom, with a beautiful scar- 
 let flower ; and not far distant, orange-groves, that 
 produce abundantly. The flowers here, possess a 
 richness and fragrance, tliat a northern latitude 
 cannot boast. We have had a profusion of black- 
 berries, plumbs, pears, apples, &;c. Most kinds of 
 vegetables for the table, we have had several 
 weeks. But with the good, we must take the evil. 
 To enjoy these gifts of providence, so early, we have 
 been obliged to endure the heat of a burning sun, 
 and to-day there have been thunder and lightning, 
 appalling to human nature. Thus it is, my dear 
 sister, with every thing of a worldly nature, through 
 hfe. Every good has a mixture of evil, — every 
 enjoyment its attendant anxiety, — and every treas- 
 ure its alloy. Blessed be God, there is a better 
 state of things beyond the veil which hides eternity 
 from our view ! In that world of perfection, there 
 is no sting, no bitterness. The sins and the sor- 
 rows of the wilderness will be left behind ; and 
 perfection of beauty, perfection of happiness, and 
 perfection of glory, will reign triumphant. 
 
 Farewell, dear sister, kiss your sweet children for 
 me. Tell Eli I love him, and wish and pray for 
 his welfare, as if he were my own child. Once 
 more, farewell.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 215 
 
 June 19. To-day sent a long letter to my broth- 
 er and sister at Meredith. May God bless them 
 and their children. " Neither distrust or tempt the 
 Lord," was an exhortation given me some time 
 ago, and let my soul remember it. My Savior, I 
 look to thee, — Thou art my strength. Order all 
 things in mercy. 
 
 June 23. Perhaps my present situation con- 
 tains as few trials as any one ; and this con- 
 sideration should teach me contentment. Some- 
 times I feel disturbed, because I am prevented 
 from doing what I know to be according to the dic- 
 tates of reason and duty ; but this also may be right 
 as respects me, for it may be self-will more than 
 conscience, that influences my mind. In all things 
 I ought to glorify God, by inwardly examining my 
 motives, and outwardly practising moderation, 
 where absolute sin is not concerned. 
 
 Friday. Meditation on the operations of Prov- 
 idence, might afford a fund of instruction, had we 
 wisdom to improve it. In taking a retrospect, what 
 goodness, as well as wisdom, we discern in those 
 events, that once appeared so distressing; and when 
 we remember our feelings under them, we blush 
 with shame. Surely our ignorance of what is re- 
 ally worth possessing, as respects this world, should 
 make us moderate in our wishes, and cahn when 
 they are disappointed. But our conduct is very
 
 216 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 different from this. We form extravagant wishes, 
 and expectations, — pursue our object as if we 
 knew our temporal happiness depended on its pos- 
 session, and if we fail, sink into despondency and 
 dejection. 
 
 Sabbath 29. I am called to practice a severe 
 ^piece of self-denial, and to bear a heavy cross. The 
 season has now arrived, when it is deemed impru- 
 dent, and even presumptuous, for me to visit the 
 city ; of course, I must relinquish public worship 
 for three or four months. This is indeed a severe 
 trial, — so severe, that I sin in my extreme restive- 
 ness under it. So many things at home, interrupt, 
 and prevent a spiritual frame of mind, that it appears 
 impossible to keep my soul from sinking, and dying, 
 if confined here. But with God all things are pos- 
 sible ; and in his j^ower, my heart has often found 
 rest. Almighty power, united with consummate 
 wisdom and mercy, form a resting place of triple 
 strength, and thither my soul flies in seasons of trial. 
 Wednesday. As there is nothing can compen- 
 sate for the loss of God's favor, it is madness to 
 seek for any thing contrary to his will. The pos- 
 session of a desired object, without the approbation 
 of God, can yield but momentary satisfaction to a 
 mind that knows by experience, the joy that results 
 from the light of his countenance ; and the horror 
 and darkness of his frown.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 217 
 
 July 4. The whole city is a scene of rejoicing 
 and gayety. While others are thus engaged in cel- 
 ebrating tiie day, let me also remember the events of 
 " other time." Four years ago this day, I was in 
 this town, watching by the bed-side of my sick sister, 
 in a state of mind wholly beyond the conception of 
 any, who had not experienced it. Now I enjoy the 
 smiles of providence, and I hope the smiles of 
 grace. Let my soul bless the Lord. 
 
 Sabbath. The subject of the sermon this after- 
 noon, was death. The exercises of the day, and 
 the communion season, interested my feelings more 
 than usual. Perhaps the consideration that this 
 might be the last sabbath I should enjoy public 
 worship this summer, and perhaps the last I should 
 ever enjoy, produced this effect. O ! whatever 
 is before me, let me trust in God and cling close to 
 Christ. 
 
 Monday. O ! how my heart revolts at taking 
 up the cross. Every day I find proof of this 
 alarming truth. If there is any one sin that pre- 
 dominates more than others in my bosom, it is self- 
 will ; yet I find what appears so important in my 
 eyes one day does not so appear in the next. Why 
 does not this experience teach me to view things in 
 the calm light of christian moderation. 
 19
 
 218 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, July 8, 1817. 
 
 You may rest assured, dear Sophia, that my let- 
 ters would be more frequent, did not writing inter- 
 fere with what I know to be the discharge of posi- 
 tive duty. I mention this merely to explain my 
 conduct, and not to utter- a complaint. Elizabeth 
 has appeared to think my silence the result of ne- 
 glect, when, could she see the cause, she would not 
 only justify me, but willingly forego the pleasure of 
 receiving letters, that I might devote my time to 
 the assistance of E., and the care of her children. 
 
 Who would have thought, ten years ago, that 
 New Haven would ever have presented such a 
 scene on the arrival of a republican President ? 
 Such parade accords but little with the simplicity 
 of a republican government. It seems too much 
 like London and Paris. Papa's judgment respect- 
 ing such things is right and rational. The time 
 and money expended on this occasion might cer- 
 tainly be devoted to far better purposes. In the 
 days of the millcnium no pagentry of this kind 
 will be witnessed or approved ; and surely it is the 
 duty of the christian community now, to form their 
 taste according to the standard of that day. 
 
 In answer to your question, I reply, that my ac- 
 quaintance was definitely settled in the negative
 
 ;.4EM0IRS OP MARY LYON. 219 
 
 last May. I believe I acted according to the dic- 
 tates of duty, and my mind feels lightened of its 
 burden. In a connection of that nature the path 
 of duty lies between two extremes. To form a 
 union v>here fancy is the only bond of agreement, 
 is little short of insanity. On the other hand, if 
 we listen to the maxims of wordly prudence, when 
 our own affections ai-e uninterested, we practice a 
 sort of imposition on the other party, and sell our- 
 selves to a kind of degraded slavery for life. In 
 either case the blessing of God cannot be expected. 
 Let principle be the basis, and the structure will be 
 firm. 
 
 I am glad you find time and opportunity to pay 
 Mrs. Stiles some attention. Her departure was 
 wholly unexpected to us, and to her, till withhi two or 
 three days of sailing. The feeble state of her sis- 
 ter's health induced her to take this voyage. I am 
 truly sorry to be absent from home when she is 
 there. Emelia and I wish you to give our love to 
 Mary Lines, and tell her we hope her trip to Charles- 
 ton has been of service to her health. Tell mother 
 we long to hear that she has recovered from her 
 nervous complaints. Give my love to father and 
 William. Remember me affectionately to all the 
 neighborhood, particularly Sarah Lyon. 
 
 I feel sometimes peculiarly desirous of being at 
 home this summer — so much so, that it is difficult
 
 220 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 to subdue my feelings. But why should I ? If I 
 am filling up the part assigned me by God, it is suf- 
 ficient. " Life, death, and hell, and worlds un- 
 known, hang on his firm decree." It is impossible 
 -to prolong the first, or delay the second, by a change 
 of place or circumstances. It is easy, most easy 
 with God, to make those things which appear threat- 
 ening, conducive to our preservation, — and those 
 events that seem adverse, instrumental in promoting 
 our eternal happiness, and even our temporal en- 
 joyment. With this conviction on the mind, why 
 should we be so solicitious to crave our own portion ; 
 especially when convinced by experience that we 
 choose at random, or like children, select the very 
 things of all others, the most hurtful and dangerous ? 
 
 O ! I feel this morning a weight upon my spirits 
 that I cannot shake off : but think I can say, " this 
 is my infirmity," and there let it rest. Write soon 
 and inform me of all that happens. Those things 
 which appear trifling to you, being present, are deep- 
 ly interesting to me at this distance. We have 
 written four times in six weeks, surely we have not 
 been so very remiss. 
 
 July 11. To-day my mind feels oppressed by 
 misgiving and a fear of evil — but I have so often 
 experienced the delivering goodness of God, that 
 hope and faith spring up in my bosom. Let me 
 look to God and lean on Christ, and the cloud may
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYO N. 221 
 
 soon disperse. If I lived nearer the throne of grace, 
 I might defy the tempter, for he dare not approach 
 the presence of Infinite purity and excellence. 
 
 Sabbath, 13. Another sabbath of mercy has dawn- 
 ed upon me, and another morning sun has enlight- 
 ened this part of our earth. In heaven there is a per- 
 petual sabbath and an everlasting day. My soul ! 
 are you in the way to this blessed region ? Do you 
 live " as seeing Him who is invisible ?" Let me 
 bless the Lord, that amidst all the rubbish of my 
 sins, backshdings, doubts, and misgivings, liojpe 
 springs up, and sparkles like a diamond in the mine, 
 
 TO A SISTER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, July 14, 1817. 
 You appear, my dear sister Elizabeth, to write in 
 some degree of alarm on two accounts. You fear 
 in general that Charleston is sickly, and in particii' 
 lar that I am imprudent in exposing myself to dan- 
 ger. But as far as I am capable of judging, your fears 
 in both cases are groundless. We take a daily pa- 
 per, and the number of deaths do not exceed those 
 of last winter. I have been regularly to churchy 
 and observed the cases of sickness mentioned. 
 Last sabbath there were two of lingering com- 
 plaints, and the sabbath previous none, which in so 
 large a congregation could hardly be expected, at 
 any season. With respect to myself, I am now in 
 19*
 
 222 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 good health, and I mean, as far as human prudence 
 can go, to preserve it. 
 
 Our health is no more our own than any other 
 gift of God ; and what is not our own, we certainly 
 have no right to trifle with. This consideration 
 should make us strive to preserve this valuable hies- 
 sing, even if self-love was out of the question. But 
 too much care sometimes defeats the end for which 
 it is exercised ; and I might feel so very anxious as 
 to produce real sickness. The right line of con- 
 duct is, to use the means of self-preservation, leave 
 the issue with God, and then make ourselves easy ; 
 for, after all, we must depend on the Maker of our 
 frames to keep them alive. 
 
 July 16. I add a few lines that you may hear 
 from us by the latest date. We are all ni perfect 
 health, excepting Emilia, and she is getting over her 
 sickness. The children are playing horse, through 
 the room, and almost deafen mc with their noise. 
 J. says I must tell grand-father that he reads about 
 the boy stealing the old man's apples. T. is en- 
 tirely different from J. ; but though so turbulent in 
 his disposition, he has some noble traits of character. 
 He will not take any thing in J's absence, without 
 having half cut off and laid up for his brother, and 
 when his father promises to bring him something 
 pretty from town, he always says " bring one for 
 brother too."
 
 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 223 
 
 Write particularly respecting mother. I hope 
 that God has graciously restored her todily and 
 mental health. E. and m5'self greatly desire that 
 she should visit Meredith. Could not brother Wil- 
 liam go whh her, and leave her there for a while. 
 Farewell, dear Elizabeth. 
 
 July 20. I find it a great piece of self-denial to 
 stay at home on the sabbath, tliough my reluctance 
 may not arise from a right motive. Habit, the ex- 
 ample of others, and many other things, may ope- 
 rate to make it desirable to me, when a sanctified 
 improvement of the privileges of God's house, may 
 have but little influence. The path of duty in this 
 case is doubtful, but the path of inclination is not. 
 How strange it is that any should voluntarily deprive 
 themselves of the privilege and pleasure of public 
 worship. 
 
 Sabbath, July 27. The day is remarkably cool 
 for the season, and I have ventured once more into 
 town, and attended church. Perhaps it is supersti- 
 tion, but I feel far less fear of becoming sick, in con- 
 sequence of breathing town air, by attending church 
 on the sabbath, than if I ran the same risk for the 
 purpose of visiting, or pleasing myself any other 
 way. When duty calls, we may confidently place 
 ourselves under the protection of God, perform our 
 part, and leave consequences to him. But when 
 we are led by our own spirit, seeking our own grat-
 
 224 MEMOIRS OP MARY r. YON. 
 
 ification only, we have no right to expect the favor 
 and providential care of God. It is 'presumption to 
 run into danger, without being called, and then ex- 
 pect God to preserve us from the effects of our 
 own imprudence ; and it is unbelief to distrust his 
 power to save us when doing his will. 
 
 TO HER FATHER IN NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, July 28, 1817. 
 
 It is but a few days since we wrote by Capt. L., 
 but as I know your anxiety to hear often from us at 
 this season, I now write again. E. is still feeble, 
 though comfortable ; other members of the family 
 are well. 
 
 Mr. B. has gone down to one of the Sea-Islands 
 on a fishing excursion. The party stay in palmet- 
 to houses built on the beach, or in tents of their own 
 construction. Mr. B's two brothers, J. and I., with 
 their families, have gone down also. Our going, at 
 this season of the year, was out of the question. 
 The time is spent in fishing, hunting, and bathing, 
 and this forms a fashionable amusement for several 
 days. Mr. B. sent us a note yesterday with some 
 fish, and expects to return to-morrow. We have 
 just received a letter from Sarah. She complains 
 that she has been in M. four years and that none of 
 her father's family have yet visited her. I know, my 
 dear father, it is a long journey, and I suppose ap- 
 
 1
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 225 
 
 pears like a great undertaking, still I hope you and 
 mamma will attempt it this summer.* Mamma's com- 
 plaints are of that kind that medicine avails but lit- 
 tle, — riding, and a change of air, and new scenes 
 would probably do much. When I think how far I 
 am from my dear parents, and that I may possibly 
 never return, as life is so uncertain, I feel a peculiar 
 anxiety that every thing possible should be done for 
 the health and comfort of both. 
 
 J. remembers his grand-father perfectly, and ev- 
 ery day, after eating apples or pears, he takes his 
 knife and cuts the parings as they lie on the table, 
 as you used to do, and says " grandpapa does so." 
 T. has been making up a present for you. He 
 says he will send grandpapa some sugar plumbs, 
 some marbles, a horse-whip, and a screw-driver. 
 The last article is very valuable in his eyes, because 
 his father refuses to let him have it. 
 
 Provisions of all kinds continue very high in 
 Charleston, and the crops are in danger of injury 
 from the continued and heavy rains. Almost ev- 
 ery day we have rain ; but in the city the hot sun 
 
 * The parents of Miss Lyon, were performing this 
 journey, when the tidings of her death arrived in New 
 Haven, The health of her mother was benefitted, and 
 she bore the shock with exemplary christian submission, 
 as coming from the hand of her heavenly Father.
 
 226 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 
 
 soon dries it up. In the country alone the conse- 
 quences are feared. Charleston is very healthy as 
 far as we know. E. and I live entirely at home, 
 but find our time fully employed in taking care of 
 the children and the domestics. Please give our 
 love to mamma. We have been trying to get some- 
 thing to send her, but Mr. B's absence has prevent- 
 ed. Farewell, my dear father. 
 
 Aug. 3. A death took place last Monday that 
 excited some alarm, — and I found that realizing the 
 certainty of death rather more than usual, filled my 
 soul with dismay for several hours. The difficulty 
 is, I have not the evidence of a holy life to give me 
 boldness in death. My faith, I believe, is right, rest- 
 ing on Jesus Christ ; but my life does not corres- 
 pond. O ! how watchful I ought to be ! How 
 careful to keep my lamp trimmed and burning. I 
 feel this truth, and yet temptations throw me off my 
 guard. Salvation by grace is a sweet doctrine in- 
 deed to the soul that sees help no where else. 
 
 Aug. 6. My last letters from home was dated 
 July 2 ; and so unusual a silence makes me anx- 
 ious. Several instances of the " stranger's fever," 
 have spread alarm and terror through the city. My 
 dear sister's health is veiy much impaired ; and my 
 mother's accumulated infirmities, make me tremble 
 for her life. Thus situated, where can I go for help 
 but to God. Pie can restore health, and continue
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON, 227 
 
 it. He can preserve life in the midst of pestilence ; 
 and what is far more, He can save the soul, when 
 the body descends to the tomb. O ! my Savior, to 
 thee I commit the keeping of my soul, — deal mer- 
 cifully with me, and call me not away from this 
 world, until by faith in thee, I am prepared ! 
 
 Aug. 8. My mind is calm to-day, though the 
 same causes for anxiety remain. I hear nothing 
 from home, — the city is panic-struck, and I see 
 trouble and danger on every side. God has car- 
 ried me through many trying seasons, and there- 
 fore I ought to trust him now. My friends, my 
 life, my all, are in his hands, and therefore let my 
 soul rest satisfied. 
 
 EXTRACT OF A LETTER FROM MR. BENNETT, TO THE 
 FATHER OF MISS LYON. 
 
 Charleston, Aug. 9, 1817. 
 We all remain in excellent health ; but fearing 
 the effect which improper, exaggerated, and dis- 
 tressing accounts, relative to the health of Charles- 
 ton, may produce on yourself and family, I have 
 deemed it my duty to state our present situation, 
 and my arrangements for the future. This I shall 
 do for the present weekly. We now reside in 
 my house on Harleston Green. For its situation, 
 advantages, reputation for health, &c., Capt. L., 
 Mr. H., or any of the students from this city, 
 can give you ample information. I now declare
 
 228 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 to you, I never knew, or heard of any instance of 
 the fever originating in this neighborhood, and I 
 have been here from my infancy. I have consult- 
 ed five different physicians, and have their unan- 
 imous opinion that they think my family quite safe. 
 Not satisfied, however, I have taken a house on 
 SulHvan's Island, and shall, upon the least approx. 
 imation of disease, remove there. Considerable 
 alarm has existed ; but so far as I know, not more 
 than eight or ten persons have died with the fever, 
 and those in the vicinity of the wharves, and that 
 part of the city where it has always heretofore been 
 confined. 
 
 I regard so tenderly the anxiety you may have 
 felt, or will be subject to feel, that but for the season 
 of the year, and the danger of equinoctial storms, 
 I would have taken my family immediately to the 
 northward. I feel the sacred obligations that lie 
 upon me, and I pledge myself that nothing shall be 
 left undone that ought, or can be done for the safety 
 of my family. 
 
 That part of the city to which the fever is con- 
 fined, has been emptied of its non-resident inhab- 
 itants. The United States barracks, on the differ- 
 ent islands in the harbor, have been thrown open 
 to the stranger ; and the munificence of our local 
 authority, with the unbounded charity of the citi- 
 zens, have provided an ample support for those
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 229 
 
 who have been obliged to relinquish their respect- 
 ive avocations. The islands afford a sure and safe 
 retreat ; and the citizens have undertaken to see 
 that nothing is wanting to the support and comfort 
 of tlie stranger. 
 
 Aug. 9. The two last days we have been visit- 
 ed by a heavy storm ; and as God works by means, 
 I hope this agitation of the elements will be instru- 
 mental in his hands of purifying the atmosphere, 
 and checking the progress of disease. Death is 
 indeed the " king of terrors," and we are bound to 
 preserve life as long as possible, although we know 
 we must at last submit to his dominion. Christ 
 has conquered death ; and this consideration is the 
 christian's triumph, even while smarting under his 
 power. O my Savior ! let my soul triumph in thy 
 victory in the trying hour, whenever I am called to 
 exchange worlds. 
 
 Aug. 12. Yesterday 1 received "good news 
 from a far country," in a letter from Elizabeth ; 
 and I thank my God for ending my anxiety on this 
 subject. To-day my heart is heavy. Sometimes 
 I feel as if I could not pass through what I see be- 
 fore me. Care, anxiety, perplexity respecting my- 
 self, (fee, all conspire to weigh down my spirit. 
 Aug. 14. " Whoso offereth praise, glorifyeth me," 
 20
 
 230 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 saith the great and ever blessed God. A cheerful 
 spirit, springing from right motives, is, (v^e have 
 reason to think from scripture,) acceptable to God ; 
 and therefore we ought to cultivate it, as unto God, 
 and not unto men. But alas ! how prone is my 
 heart to sink under trouble. How desponding I 
 often feel under the trials of life. O ! that I was 
 like my happy namesake, who sat at the feet of 
 Jesus, and cared only for " the one thing needful." 
 
 Sabbath, Aug. 18. This morning of the day of 
 the Son of man, finds me in possession of much 
 mercy. Sickness is raging in the city, and my 
 health is thus far preserved. Many have been 
 called away by death unprepared, while I have a 
 longer time allowed me for prayer, and for seeking 
 the mercy of God in Christ Jesus. Let me re- 
 member these distinguishing mercies, and who it 
 is that causes me to differ, and strive to live ac- 
 cording to benefits received. 
 
 Aug. 19. Yesterday there was company here, 
 and my mind was necessarily engaged while they 
 remained ; but when I retired to sleep, I felt anx- 
 ious and depressed. This is indeed a season of 
 trial, — but I pray God to prepare me for whatever 
 awaits me, whether health or sickness, life or death. 
 O ! let me trust in God ! and be no longer " faith- 
 less, but believing." 
 
 Aug. 21. My mind is so harassed, that I hardly
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 231 
 
 know what course to think best. An aching head, 
 an aching heart, a perplexed judgment, and an agi- 
 tated mind, almost at intervals upset my reason. 
 I have been praying this morning that God would 
 remove the evils I feel, and avert those I fear ; and 
 the burden of my soul is a little hghtened. Help 
 me, great God, to trust in thee, and wait thy time 
 of deliverance. 
 
 Aug. 26. This is a morning of mercy. Sick- 
 ness rages in the city, and we are exempt. Death 
 is removing numbers, and we are spared. The 
 last four days my mind has been exercised with 
 different emotions ; but prayer has been instru- 
 mental in allaying its agitation. Let me watch 
 against sin, and trust in God. This is my part. 
 
 Aug. 28. O ! how the world, and the cares of 
 life, destroy the bliss of spiritual enjoyment. My 
 soul mourns at feeling this truth. " Return, O holy 
 Dove, return," and warm my heart with the rays 
 of the "Sun of righteousness." Sometimes I do 
 indeed feel that my Savior is all in all. I feel 
 weaned from this " sin worn world," and almost on 
 the wing to depart ; and then the world, sin, and 
 the great enemy of my soul interfere, and bind me 
 again to the polluted earth. The idea of eternity 
 is lovely, when I think of spending it in praising 
 God. 
 
 Fridav. Pveceived a letter yesterday from mo-
 
 232 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 ther, and another from Sophia. The letter con- 
 tained a piece of information which caused me a 
 momentary' agitation. Meditating on the providene 
 of God, soon cahTied my mind ; and 1 hfted my 
 soul to him with gratitude and submission. " His 
 ways are perfect." 
 
 Sabbath, Aug. 31. Let my soul bless the Lord 
 for the light of this pleasant morning ; for " hith- 
 erto he has helped me." Serenity and peace seem 
 to smile upon the face of nature, as I contemplate 
 it from my window. The rising sun, — the decli- 
 ning moon, — the clear blue sky, — the unruffled, 
 " gently flowing" Ashley, — and the distant woods 
 that bound the prospect, all unite to render this 
 morning scene lovely, and this early hour sooth- 
 ing. But O, reverse the scene ! The adjacent 
 city is agitated, groaning, and dying, beneath the 
 ravages of the pestilence, and the more fell rav- 
 ages of sin. The dying struggle, — the blackening 
 corpse, — the rattling hearse, and the closing grave, 
 are sights at which frail humanity shudders, and 
 stands appalled. Yet these soul-harrowing objects 
 are daily and hourly witnessed within a short dis- 
 tance of this tranquil and beautiful scene. Let 
 my soul bless the Lord for the light of this pleasant 
 morning, for "hitherto he has helped me." 
 
 Tuesday, Sept. 2. My life is still prolonged, — 
 my health is still continued, though multitudes near
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LY ON . 233 
 
 me are falling beneath the pestilence. My nnind, 
 however, (I hope through the influence of prayer,) 
 is generally composed and tranquil on this subject. 
 " The issues of life and death" are with God ; and 
 safety is with him, and him alone. 
 
 Thursday, Sept. 4. I never felt so much as if 
 my life was suspended by a hair, as I now do. The 
 fever rages, and attacks strangers only. This may 
 be the season for my departure, — my Maker only 
 knows. I endeavor to prepare my mind for the 
 worst. But O ! it is a great and solemn thing to 
 exchange worlds. Faith in Christ is the only pre- 
 paration. 
 
 Friday, Sept. 5. To-day I feel universally ill, — 
 but thanks be to God, my mind is calm. I do not 
 feel frightened. I trust I shall be carried through 
 whatever awaits me ; for I have prayed for this 
 mercy, and by experience I know that God an- 
 swers prayer. 
 
 These were the last lines penned by Miss Lyon, 
 and were probably written in the afterpart of the 
 day, as she was not indisposed at breakfast, and 
 now speaks of feeling " universally ill." She doubt- 
 less knew the nature of the disease with which she 
 was attacked, and its fatal power over the constitu- 
 tion of strangers ; and of course, the great proba- 
 20*
 
 234 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 bilitj'- that the angel of death had now arrived to 
 execute his commission. 
 
 Her afflicted friends at the north derived much 
 consolation from the evidence these Hnes afforded 
 them, that she regarded the scene before her with 
 peace and composure. They were particularly 
 soothing to the minds of those who had known her 
 spiritual conflicts, and those agonizing doubts which 
 at times assailed her. Believers know that death 
 affects no moral change in the soul, and merely 
 regard it as a passage from one state of existence 
 to another : still it is pleasant, when reflecting on 
 the last hours of a pious and beloved relative, to 
 learn from her own hand, that a faithful God has 
 rendered her strength equal to her day. 
 
 EXTRACT OF A LETTER TO THE REV. NATHANIEL W, 
 TAYLOR, OF NEW HAVEN, FROM MR. BENNETT. 
 
 Charleston, Sept. 12, 1817. 
 Dear Sir : — It has pleased Almighty God to 
 remove from us by death, our beloved sister, Mary 
 Lyon. With feelings too acute for utterance, and 
 a mind bowed down and broken, with severe aflh'c- 
 tion, I have ventured to request that you would 
 convey to her parents and relatives, the melancholy 
 intelligence. Clothe it, my dear Sir, with all the 
 consolations of religion, — mitigate its appalling se- 
 verity with all those gracious promises with which
 
 MEMOIRS OF Mary LYON. 235 
 
 the scriptures abound. You knew her devoted- 
 ness to the cause of her Redeemer. You knew her 
 overcoming faith, — her meek submission. Death 
 had no sting for her. She dwelt with firm reliance 
 on the promises, and bade the world farewell, with 
 a fortitude that marked the child of God. She 
 never murmured, or repined, or cast one lingering 
 look behind, but breathed out her spirit to Him who 
 gave it ; and on this morning, at three o'clock, sunk 
 to sleep on the bosom of Jesus. Her afflicted sis- 
 ter has been wonderfully supported ; and I trust her 
 consolations will never fail her. O pray for us, and 
 for her afflicted parents. Soothe their sufferings, 
 if they can be soothed. My feehngs overpower 
 me. Farewell. 
 
 EXTRACT OF A LETTER FROM DR. PALMER, OF 
 CHARLESTON, TO COL. LYON, OF NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Dear Sir : — Your children in this place have 
 been expecting and intending .to remove, for a 
 month or two, to an island in the neighborhood of 
 our city, remarkable for its superior health. But 
 after considering the matter a while, it was con- 
 eluded to abandon this design, and continue where 
 they were, confining themselves entirely to the 
 house, and not exposing themselves to the heat, or 
 to the atmosphere of the interior of the city. But 
 we cannot escape disease. Shall I conceal the
 
 236 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 painful truth any longer, which, after every prepa- 
 ration to meet it, must come hke a dagger to a pa- 
 rent's heart ? The lovely, interesting, and pious 
 Miss Lyon, is no more ! The sad duty of per- 
 forming her funeral service, — a duty sad indeed, 
 as well from the great regard I bear the family, out 
 of which she was taken, as for the respect I had 
 for her own excellence and worth, — was devolved 
 on me the day before yesterday, and was perform- 
 ed in presence of a company of as deep and sin- 
 cere mourners as ever assembled on such an oc- 
 casion. 
 
 The last time I called to see Mr. and Mrs. B., 
 was yesterday. On parting with this afHicted pair, 
 Mr. B. said I would confer a particular favor on 
 him by writing you, — that he could not do so yet, 
 so keen were his feelings, — so deep was his dis- 
 tress. 
 
 I pray God, that as the " comforter of those who 
 are cast down," he would appear for your relief in 
 this emergency, and enable you to sa}'', " It is the 
 Lord, let him do as seemeth him good." 
 
 Your sympathizing, tho' unknown friend, 
 Benj. M. Palmer.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 237 
 
 EXTRACT OF A LETTER FROM MR. BENNETT, TO COL. 
 LYON, OF NEW HAVEN. 
 
 Charleston, Sept. 15, 1817. 
 
 In what language, my venerable and afflicted 
 parents, shall 1 address you ? Where find words to 
 solace and compose the anguish of your wounds ? 
 Or where shall I seek for foititude to execute my 
 melancholy, heart-rending duty? 
 
 Our dearly beloved Mary rose on Friday morn- 
 ing, 5th inst., in the enjoyment, as she supposed, of 
 uncommonly good health ; and remarked, after eat- 
 ing breakfast, that her appetite had been unusually 
 good during the whole summer. When I returned, 
 at two o'clock, Mary complained of being indispo- 
 sed ; nevertheless, sat at table, and ate a little din- 
 ner. In the afternoon, her indisposition not being 
 perceptibly abated, I urged her to take some slight 
 medicine, to which, after much entreaty, she acce- 
 ded. Against her wish and desire, I called in a 
 physician, who prescribed for her ; and on Satur- 
 day, her symptoms had considerably abated, and 
 what fever she had, almost gone. In the course of 
 that day, or night, she had an accession of fever ; 
 but it yielded, as before, to the medicine offered 
 her ; and the physician assured us, on Monday 
 morning, that her disease was taking a favorable 
 course, and that o.ur sister was progressing to health.
 
 238 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 On Wednesday, her fever wholly left her, as the phy- 
 sician assured me ; but I felt alarmed at the evident 
 prostration of her strength. Other symptoms, at 
 noon, determined me to call in the assistance of two 
 other physicians, those of greatest eminence among 
 us, who, after an attentive examination, declared 
 that they saw no cause of alarm, and prescribed for 
 her. On Thursday morning, her situation was, to 
 my mind, dreadfully alarming, — nor, unhappily, was 
 I mistaken. The disease . had assumed, unexpect- 
 edly, and suddenly, a most fatal aspect ; and not- 
 withstanding all that was within the compass of 
 human ability to do, or human skill to devise, was 
 done, death triumphed over the object of our ten- 
 derest affection ; and our beloved, and ever to be 
 remembered sister, yielded up her spirit to Him 
 who gave it, and on Friday morning sank to sleep 
 upon the bosom of her Savior and her God. 
 
 Mary, during her last illness, spoke but little ; 
 and after it assumed a dangerous complexion, did 
 not speak oftener than to answer the inquiries of 
 her physicians ; but her countenance and manner 
 leave no doubt upon my mind, that her thoughts 
 were fixed on God. On Thursday morning she 
 took a sort of farewell of me ; and after that she 
 did not take notice of those about her. She did 
 not appear to endure great pain ; on the contrary, 
 she was free from bodily anguish. Mary was at-
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 239 
 
 tended by three of the most eminent physicians of 
 this city ; and all that the utmost devoted ness of 
 friends could do, or could be expected, or wished 
 for, was anxiously offered. Nothing was left un- 
 done that the whole circle of friends or relatives 
 could suggest or devise ; and the exalted estimation 
 in which she was held, was attested by the brothers, 
 sisters, friends, and acquaintances, who mourned in 
 bitterness and sorrow her unexpected departure. 
 
 Thus I have struggled through this heart-rending 
 detail. It was a sacrifice due to you, and I have 
 performed the painful duty. 
 
 Weep not, O ! disconsolate parents ! Weep not, 
 O ! broken hearted brother and sisters, as those 
 weep who have no hope. IVIary is not dead, but 
 sleepeth. She has exchanged a world of sorrow 
 and tribulation, for that world where sighing and 
 sorrow shall be heard no more forever ! Do you 
 ask for consolation ! Look at the icliole life of that 
 best of daughters, — dearest of sisters. Remember 
 her steady, unwavering faith. What object appal- 
 led it ? What danger shook it ? Remember her 
 steady adherence to the precepts of her Lord and 
 Master. 
 
 May the God of consolation ever be with you, to 
 comfort and support you under this righteous dis- 
 pensation. Your afflicted, and mourning son, 
 
 Joseph Bennett.
 
 240 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 The following lines were sent by a friend from 
 Charleston, soon after the death of Miss Lyon, 
 which, for their appropriateness and beauty, ai'e in- 
 serted here. 
 
 O ! there was one, on earth awhile 
 She dwelt, but transient as a smile 
 
 That turns into a tear: 
 Her lovely image pass'd us by, — 
 She came like lightning from the sky, — 
 She seem'd as dazzling to the eye, — 
 
 As prompt to disappear. 
 
 Revolving her mysterious lot, 
 
 I mourn her, but I praise her not, — 
 
 To God the praise be given ; 
 Who sent her like the radiant bow, 
 His covenant of peace to show, 
 Athwart the passing storm to glow, 
 
 Then vanish into heaven. 
 
 EXTRACTS OF TWO LETTERS FROM THE LATE MRS. 
 SUSAN HUNTINGTON, OF BOSTON, TO MRS. E. FITCH, 
 OF NEW HAVEN. " 
 
 Boston, Sept. 23, 1817. 
 When have yon heard from Charleston ? The 
 sickness there makes me very anxious about our 
 beloved Mary. Dear girl ! were she to fall a vic- 
 tim to this distressing epidemic, how many hearts 
 would bleed ; how irreparable would be the loss to 
 
 Vi-i'
 
 MEMOIRS OF TTARY LYON. 241 
 
 her family. But I hope, that the God who has re- 
 peatedly carried her through the most trying scenes, 
 will still spare her to contribute, by her pious and 
 disinterested exertions, to the comfort of those 
 friends, who have so often looked to her for it. I 
 dread to look over the weekly list of deaths, lest a 
 dear name should meet my eye. 
 
 Boston, Sept. 24, 1817. 
 
 Oh, my dear Eliza, your letter, containing the 
 heart-rending tidings, has just been received. And 
 why should I say heart-rending tidings ? Shall that 
 be deemed heart-rending, which is so unutterably 
 for her advantage and felicity ? But when I think 
 of her dear mother, feeble and broken, wanting just 
 such a steady arm as hers to lean upon ; when I 
 think of the dear sister whom she has left in a land of 
 strangers ; when I think of the church, which had 
 her fervent daily prayers, — such prayers as not 
 many offer on earth ; when I think of myself, the 
 tender sympathy she felt for me in affliction, the 
 undissembled and faithful affection she bore me, 
 which survived years of separation, and bore with 
 all my frailties and follies; and then reflect that 
 her friendship, her efforts, her prayers, for me, for 
 others, for the church, are all at an end, how can I 
 help mourning ! bitterly mourning ! 
 
 Oh, God of mercy, let her mantle fall on us who 
 21
 
 242 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 
 
 remain ! Let something of that meek, prayerful, 
 holy, Christ-like spirit which distinguished her, be 
 communicated to us, and abide with us continually. 
 Alas ! little did I think she was going to Charleston 
 to find her grave. But she died as she lived, mag- 
 nanimously, disinterestedly and cheerfully sacrifi- 
 cing her own desires and comforts for others.* 
 
 The subjoined remarks were written by a mem- 
 ber of her father's family a few weeks after her 
 death, and before any of her private writings had 
 been seen. Mary was remarkable for sincerity, 
 and a fearless discharge of what she considered 
 duty, whatever were the consequences ; and if cen- 
 sured or blamed, remained silent, or meekly repeat- 
 ed what she had said, or defended what she had 
 done, when she thought her duty required it : but 
 when she failed of producing conviction, ceased 
 speaking, and committed her cause to God who 
 judges justly. 
 
 She cultivated in an eminent degree, a spirit of 
 forgiveness. I do not believe she ever suffered " the 
 
 ♦ The situation of Mrs. B. rendered a removal to Sul- 
 livan's Island, or New Haven hazardous. Mary, there- 
 fore, believed it her duty to continue with her sister, and 
 leave the issue with God.
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON. 243 
 
 sun to go down upon her wrath :" and was ever 
 ready to ask pardon of others, for any unadvised 
 word she mi^ht have uttered, after a lonsj course of 
 provocation from them. 
 
 She was as peculiar for kindness and attention to 
 the sick, as she was indifferent to her own health, 
 and bodily pain and danger. She never allowed 
 herself to speak evil of the absent, and seemed dis- 
 tressed, when direct appeals were made to her of 
 that nature, what part to act. The characters of aZZ 
 were safe with her. I do not believe anything but 
 a thorough conviction that the honor of God re- 
 quired it, would have induced her to speak of the 
 sins of the openly profane in a promiscuous conu 
 pany. 
 
 The remains of the subject of this memoir, were 
 enclosed in a triple coffin of lead, mahogany, and 
 oak ; and early the ensuing spring conveyed to her 
 native city, and recommitted to the earth, in the new 
 burying-ground, which had so often been the scene 
 of her pious meditations. 
 
 A family monument has been erected to the 
 memory of her parents, since deceased, with the 
 following inscription on one of the plates.
 
 244 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 M.^RY Lyon, 
 
 Daughter of Wm. and Lois Lyon, 
 
 Born Oct. 17, 1780. 
 
 Died in Charleston, S. C, Sept. 11, A. D. 1817. 
 
 Her remains were deposited in this yard, 
 
 Feb. 1819. 
 
 She early chose Jesus Christ for her portion, 
 
 And with an intellect of superior order, 
 
 Sensibilities gentle and refined, 
 
 and unwavering fortitude, 
 
 She exemplified and adorned 
 
 the precepts of the christian religion, in the discharge 
 
 of all her relative duties. 
 
 Unshaken faith was her companion in the last 
 
 trying hour, and 
 
 Illuminated her way to happiness and 
 
 Eternal existence. 
 
 In Miss Lyon's long season of spiritual desertion, 
 during her first residence in Charleston, she inform- 
 ed a friend after her return, that the life of Hali- 
 burton, was an instrument in the hands of God, of 
 keeping her soul from despair ; justly reasoning, 
 that if one true believer, had been long deserted, and 
 was again visited with the light of God's counte- 
 nance, such might possibly be her case. She ap- 
 peared to consider the lives of those christians, who 
 had been assailed by doubts, temptations and de- 
 spondency, as superior in usefulness to those, who, 
 (from their constitutional organization, or other
 
 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 245 
 
 causes,) enjoyed a more equable state of feeling, 
 and an abiding hope. She probably considered the 
 former class, as constituting the larger portion of 
 believers ; or that desponding christians most need- 
 ed the consolations and supports, which the lives of 
 kindred spirits could afford. Her remarks on the life 
 of Haliburton, first induced the compiler to suppose it 
 a duty, to give hers to the christian community. 
 But many providential hinderances have hitherto 
 prevented its execution. 
 
 If this little volume should fall into the hands of 
 any, unacquainted with the trials of a christian's 
 life, it may seem incomprehensible, that one repre- 
 sented as eminent in holiness, should so often com- 
 plain of sin, and aggravated sin. To such it may 
 be observed, her standard was the gospel require- 
 ments, which is perfection ; and that she did not 
 speak of what she had said or done, but her feel- 
 ings and her thoughts. There is no doubt, that an 
 envious, or resentful emotion, unexpressed by words, 
 and unknown to all, gave more poignant distress to 
 one of her high spiritual attainments, than malice 
 and revenge, long indulged, and exerted in devising 
 plans to injure its object, would to those " hardened 
 through the deceitfulness of sin." 
 
 She speaks of her failure in relative duties ; when 
 
 perhaps her scrupulous discharge of these, was a 
 
 prominent trait in her character. The omission of 
 21*
 
 248 MEMOIRS or MARY LYON. 
 
 one small act of self-denial, in her self-denying life, 
 gave her the deepest repentance ; when the world 
 pursues one course of selfish indulgence, without a 
 compunctious thought. 
 
 Blessed with a pious and faithful ministry, she 
 highly prized the privileges of the sanctuary ; and 
 her attention was such, as enabled her to record 
 the text after her return home, and give a short 
 sketch of every sermon she heard, for several years, 
 with two or three exceptions. Yet she often com- 
 plains of her inattention to the preached word, and 
 her wanderin2[ thouo-hts. 
 
 Those who have never made the Scripture their 
 standard can form no adequate idea how sin, the 
 character of God, and the law of God appear to the 
 humble and contrite heart. Yet their ignorance is 
 no excuse, because it is voluntary. The apostle 
 declares that even " the heathen are without ex- 
 cuse, having the law written on their hearts ; their 
 conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts 
 the meanwhile, accusing or else excusing one anoth- 
 er :" then what can the impenitent hearer of the 
 gospel plead ? 
 
 Perhaps the experienced believer may discern 
 some disproportion in the christian graces of the 
 subject of this memoir : that while her hatred of 
 sin, and her godly jealousy over herself, were so 
 conspicuous ; she did not at times, fix the eye of
 
 MEMOIRS OF MARY LYON, 247 
 
 faith as steadfastly on Christ, as his dealings with 
 her seemed to demand. Had her blessed Savior 
 been on earth, perhaps he would sometimes have 
 addressed her in the language, (Luke, xxiv. 25,) 
 *' O ! slow of heart to believe." 
 
 However difficult it might have been, at some pe- 
 riods, for her to appropriate to herself those promi- 
 ses and consolations, which the Spirit held out for 
 her acceptance, her confidence in God, based upon 
 a cordial belief of his perfections, was extraordinary. 
 The sentiment expressed in one of her letters, was 
 often repeated in conversation. That meditations 
 on the character of God would compose and tran- 
 quillize her mind, when she had little or no evidence 
 that she possessed his favor. She never appeared 
 to fear or dread death in her dark seasons : but 
 ever seemed to regard God, as a good and glorious 
 Being ; and to justify all his dealings with herself 
 and others. " Though he slay me, yet will I trust 
 in him," appeared to be the language of her heart. 
 
 As she made up her opinions, and arranged her 
 plans with much prayer and deliberation, it was 
 not strange that she held them with some degree 
 of tenacity ; or that it required a struggle to relin- 
 quish them, and adopt those of others, who, she sup- 
 posed, did not employ the same means to ascertain 
 what was the best course. Yet none was more 
 anxious to receive advice, or more grateful for it,
 
 248 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 when offered by pious or experienced persons. In- 
 deed, she seemed afraid to " lean to her own under- 
 standing," or act on any important point at all, with- 
 out advice from the pious and judicious. She had 
 a long struggle in her mind, whether it was trusting 
 or tempting God, to attend public worship in 
 Charleston, (which was her desire,) during what is 
 called the sickly season, and after seeking advice 
 elsewhere, she took the trouble to write to a chris- 
 tian friend of much experience, at the distance of 
 eight or nine hundred miles, to obtain his opinion 
 on this subject. 
 
 Matthew Henry somewhere observes ; " that a 
 tender spirit will be a mourning spirit." And, " that 
 a good man, in such a bad world as this, cannot but 
 be a n^n of sorrows." The subject of this me- 
 moir had certainly many sorrows. The sins of her 
 own heart were her daily burden, and at some pe- 
 riods, it appeared to be almost insupportable ; and 
 she was grieved at the sins of others. Her heart 
 was pained, that so many professing christians, 
 aimed at no higher attainments in holiness, and were 
 so little careful to regulate their conduct and con- 
 versation by the precepts of the gospel. She was 
 pained to 'see the unconverted pursuing their fatal 
 course, and that she could not convince those with 
 whom she Jiad social intercourse, that they were 
 blind to their highest interests, and that the end of
 
 MEMOIRS OP MART LTON. 249 
 
 an impenitent life, would be death eternal. She 
 earnestly longed to have things, which appeared so 
 plain and clear to her mind, plain and visible to 
 others. And she felt sorrow in her heart daily, at 
 the blindness of mind, and hardness of heart she 
 witnessed. 
 
 Chj-istians have many sorrows peculiar to them- 
 selves, nor do they always enjoy that hope of final 
 acceptance, which would enable them to sustain 
 these and other troubles of life, which are common 
 to all. Were christians always to enjoy on earth, 
 the light of God's countenance, would it not be fru- 
 ition ? and where would be room to exercise faith 
 or hope ? " For what a man seeth, why doth he yet 
 hope for?" yet " godliness, (in the highest sense,) 
 hath the promise of tlie life that now is, and of that 
 which is to come." And this declaration is glo- 
 riously fulfilled in this, that the godly shall be kept 
 through this life, however tempted or tried, from 
 committing soul-destroying sins, and final apostacy. 
 
 It seems a sort of unbelief, to dwell so much on 
 the sufferings of any christian during this brief life, 
 when the race is so soon run, and the faithful chris- 
 tian victor crowned with immortal glory. If any 
 individual of the human family were to endure a 
 few moments of suffering, succeeded by a long life 
 of uninterrupted health and enjoyment, all w^ould 
 consider him a happy being, and no thought be
 
 250 MEMOIRS OP MARY LYON. 
 
 given to his momentary sufferings. Still two finite 
 durations can be compared ; but who shall compare 
 time with eternity ! Endless eternity ! stretching 
 far, far beyond the conception of any intelligent 
 being, but that glorious One, who " from everlasting 
 to everlasting is God !" 
 
 It is sweet, with what light revelation affords, to 
 trace the soul of the believer, from the couch of 
 fiuffering, to its entrance into the New Jerusalem, 
 " that city which has no need of the sun, neither of 
 the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God doth 
 lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof." " And 
 the throne of God and the Lamb shall be in it, and 
 his servants shall serve him ; and they shall see his 
 face, and his name shall be in their foreheads." 
 " And he that sitteth upon the throne shall say ; it 
 is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and 
 the end. He that overcometli shall inherit all things ; 
 and I will be his God, and he shall be my son." 
 *' And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, 
 and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow 
 nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain." 
 *' And there shall be no night there : for the Lord 
 God giveth them light, and they shall veign forever 
 and ever." 
 
 THE END.
 
 ERRATA. 
 
 Page 9, line 21, for No diviue illumination, read, As divine illumin- 
 ation. 
 - Page 77, line 14, for liuraan-Iike spirit, read, Haman-like spirit. 
 
 Page 137, line 12, for perfectly satisfied, read, perfectly sanctified. 
 
 Page 138, line 19, for Slit^ liad, read. He had. 
 
 Page 173, line 27, for Mr. N. Dewit, read, Mr. N. Hewit. 
 
 Page 174, line 22, for would I waive, read, would I carve.
 
 .<^ 
 
 ->' /,
 
 .^ 
 
 I I 
 
 University of California 
 
 SOUTHERN REGIONAL ^BRARY FACILITY 
 
 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles CA 90024-1388 
 
 Return this material to the library 
 
 from which it was borrowed. 
 
 ^^ JAN22i|99i 
 
 r 
 
 juN 4 war..
 
 <ril]0NYS01^ 
 
 ^IHBRARYQ^ 
 
 ^. ^.^ p V 
 
 -\. 
 
 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 ^<!/0JllV3-J0-^ ^OJIWDJO^ ^i'ilJDNVSOl^ 
 
 ^OFCALIFOi?^ 
 
 ^OFCAIIFO/?^ ^^WEUNIVERS/A 
 
 "^(^Aavyani^ 
 
 ^^Aavyaii-^ <rii]3Nv.soi^ 
 
 .^WEUNIVER% 
 
 <ril3DNVS0V'^ 
 
 ^lOSANCEl^^ 
 
 o 
 
 e ^ 
 
 
 ^^HIBRARY^k; 
 
 m^iivDjo^ 
 
 .^WEUNIVER5"/A 
 
 o 
 
 ^VlOSANGElfX^ 
 
 %y3AINn]W^ 
 
 ;4cOFCAllFO/?^ 
 
 
 A,^lllBRARYQ<- -^HIBRARY^/' 
 
 .5,WEUN1VER% 
 
 ^.. 
 
 J