1 
 

 
 .....^I5»ii»^f^';^. 
 
 ..*5T^(l>rj'Jl*:-/i »:v 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UiNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 RIVERSIDE
 

 
 \ ^
 
 ^^^r^
 
 NOCTES AMBROSIANiE. 
 
 BY 
 
 JOHI^T WILSOI^, 
 
 " OHHISTOPHER NORTH," OP BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE, PEOFESSOE OF MOEAL 
 PHILOSOPHT m UNIVERSITY OF EDINBUEGH, ETC. 
 
 VV'M. MAGINN, LL.D., J. G. LOCKHART, JAMES HOGG, AND OTHEB& 
 
 KKVxSEr) EDITION. 
 
 wiTn 
 MEMOIRS AND NOTES, 
 
 BY R. SHELTON MACKEjS^ZIE, D. C. L 
 
 Vol. I 
 
 AUGUST, 1819— AUG., 1824. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 W. J. WIDDLETON, PUBLISHER. 
 
 1872.
 
 Nt 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1S63, 
 
 Br W. J. WIDDLETON, 
 
 ttir Clerk s Olh>;- i.r Ibe District Court of the United States, for thp Southern Bistrict ot 
 
 New Tork.
 
 PREFACE TO TPIE REVISED EDITION OF 1863. 
 
 (O 
 
 3 
 
 The continued demand for the "Noctes Ambrosiante," shows that the public 
 interest in that work is unal)atcd. Ere finally dismissiiif^ this revised edition 
 from my hands, I desiie to state how I undertook the work, nine years ago. 
 
 One of the miscellaneous publications which I early delighted to read was 
 Blackwood's Mivjazine. The first number that ever fell into my hands when I was 
 a boy contained the commencement of the "Nodes," in which Christopher 
 North and Morgan O'Doherty were the interlocutors, and I firmly believed, for 
 a time, that these personages, who talked so naturally yet so brilliantly of men 
 and manners books and politics, were as real individuals as any living authors 
 of the day. In time, of course, I came to know better; but I never lost m/ 
 liking for the " Noctes " — more especially after I became acquainted with Wil- 
 son, Maginn, Lockhart, and Ilogg. 
 
 Circumstances combined made me a newspaper editor and magazine writer 
 before I was well out of my teens. And though from that time I was anxious to 
 see the " Noctes " in a collective form, I did not anticipate that this was ever to 
 be executed by myself. However, a very extensive course of reading, a large ac- 
 quaintance with authors, artists, and public men, and an excellent memory, un- 
 consciously prepared me for what, indeed, became " a labor of love " in later years. 
 It gratihed me to learn that Mr. Blackwood had a complete edition in view, as early 
 as the beginning of 1832. This was prevented by his death in September, 1834. 
 
 In 184.J, leading publishers in Philadelphia, reprinted the "Noctes" iu 
 four volumes. Without any prefatory history of the series, without any notice 
 of the authors, without the slightest key to the subjects and persons discussed 
 and introduced, almost without even the dates of the respective numbers, and 
 without an index, tins edition was as indilTorent as neglect, carelessness, and want 
 of taste could make it. It is not surprising that the sale was limited. 
 
 In 1852 I became a resident in the United States, where the first work I edited 
 was "Shell's Sketches of the Irish Bar," the success of which gave its publisher 
 such confidence in my pen that he desired to employ it again. I proposed to 
 edit the "Noctes Ambrosian:B," with as full annotations as would make the 
 work thoroughly intelligible to general readers. At the end of April, 1854, news 
 of Professor Wilson's death reached New York, and my publisher resolved to 
 bring out the " Noctes," provided it could be done by the middle of the ensuing 
 August, so as to come into the fall book-market. Eather rashly, as I now think, 
 I undertook the work, without an adequate idea of the vast labor which it in- 
 volved. 
 
 The first thing was to take the original " Noctes " from the Magazine. Next 
 to go through about sixty volumes of the Magazine, to search for references to 
 the text. Lastly, there was the difficulty of distributing the "'copy," so as to 
 make five volumes of equal size.
 
 (Y PKLFACE. 
 
 In '.he se*i' " " • -■ • f l iliscovered in the numbers for August and 
 
 c. . •. :.Ur : .1 have called "Christopher in the Tent,"' the 
 
 the "Xortes," wliich oooupy tlie first 128 pages of my first volume. 
 
 -. weru "asgo<.td as manuscript," for 
 
 i found tlicm in my search. 
 y fairly 8*.-t in en? I could commence writing the notes, and the five 
 
 ,, my printers, as the pressure for time was 
 
 ^ ... . : _ 1 wpy daily to each, and to correct five 
 
 ncU uf proofti and revises, and to annotate every passage whero it 
 At the Kime time, I was also literary eilitor anil political 
 
 . . , , .lud dramatic uud musicsd critic on a weekly paper in New Yorl<. 
 
 Nor was mv laU.r limiti-d to men? annotations — for I had to i)reface the volumes 
 vilii ail "ury of "Hlack wood's Mag:izine," and bitigraphics of AVil- 
 
 ■oo, Lla>>.. ..■--. and Magino. Liistly (and this alone l<.>ok a fortni{;ht), I 
 
 had U» mako a double iutlex, containing over tliree thousand references. The 
 I on tlie work was tliree month.s, during which I averaged fourteen 
 I,.. - !:iy — taking a recess only on eadi ynnda)'. 
 
 T :i of the live volumes took place on the appointed 15tli of August, 
 
 l!KJ sale of the Philadelphia edition had been about 900 copies in eleven 
 y :i:-, i>( mine, about 3,000 went oft" in one year. 
 
 Two years aAer its publication, Professor Ferrier, son-in-law of Jolm 'Wil.son, 
 
 •ilited iho " Xocles " iu four %'olume3. Avowedly omitting all that he believed 
 
 ' ' ' .vritten (which included much of wliat he Jiad), he printed only 
 
 : the whole seir/i/y "Noctes." In his preface ho very handsomely 
 
 ouuiplia:ente<l Iho American edition as credit^ible to my "industry and good 
 
 aci- ' ■ r. made liberal use of my notes. 
 
 1. ;, IS a)uutry my edition of "Tiie Noctes" was treated with 
 
 favor. whicJi I value the more because, at the time. I was personally actiuainted 
 ' ' :ii. Without appearing invidious, let me particularly mention a 
 , _, iiive review in the -Veiy I'wi- 7V(7/«7ie, from the accomplished pen 
 of Mr. George Uipley, and, in The Citizen (New York), a paper entitled " A 
 -■ Noctf.o,' " written by Mr. John Savage, in which sound criti- 
 
 i with genial wit, in a conversational manner, nuieli al'lcr W'il. 
 ■oo'a own (aahion. Speaking of my Index, which I value because of the trouble 
 it gave me, it said: "It is a complete guide to almost every sentence of j)ith, 
 poelrj', or jiassion in the five volumes. It is an almost perfect concordance of the 
 wit, crilidsm, persom«lity, punch, porter, oysters, wild-fowl, devilled kidneys, de- 
 cu!.' lis, and ever}' thing el.sc indulged in by the school of wits who supped 
 
 and . ... ;. or are sup[>o.sed to have done so, at Master Ambrose's." Nor (;an 
 nij amour /»ro/>re refrain from mentioning that Dr. S. A. Allibone lias done mo 
 Uio honor of frequently quoting my notes in his surpassing 'Critical Dictionary 
 of Kiigliah Literature and British and American Autliors." 
 
 R. yUELTON MaCKEXZIK. 
 PuiLAl>£U'UL&, JJarch, IbGJ.
 
 EDITOR'S PREFACE. 
 
 Additional interest is given, by the recent death of Professor Wilson, 
 to the present work. A complete edition of tlie Nootks Amhkostax.e (with 
 notes and illustrations, necessary to a true understanding of the allusions with 
 which the work is crowded, and the personal satire it contains) cannot be 
 publish(>d in England for many years. In the lapse of time since the original 
 appearance of "Tiik Noctks" in Blackwood's Magazine, persons, localities, 
 and circumstances therein mentioned or glanced at, have been so forgotten, 
 altered, or obscured, as to require brief but sufficient explanations. A literary 
 life, the greater part of which was passed in England and Scotland, has given 
 me familiar acquaintance with most of the individuals and evei.tr: treated of in 
 this work, and has qualified me, I think, for the editorship which I have as- 
 sumed. 
 
 Besides a History of Blackwood's Magazine, I have written memoirs of 
 Wilson, Lockhart, Hogg and Maginn, the accredited authors of The Noctes. 
 The engravings consist of a fine portrait of Wilson, (after Sir J. Watson 
 Gordon, President of the Royal Scottish Academy,) with characteristic full 
 length sketches, by Maclise and Skillin, of the other writers. There is also the 
 fac-simile of a page of The Noctes in Professor Wilson's own writing. 
 
 I have endeavored to render this edition complete, by introducing the cele- 
 brated Chaldee Manuscript, full of satire and libel, which first brought Black- 
 wood's Magazine into notoriety — was suppressed as soon as published — was 
 afterwards boasted of as a brilliant jeu d'esprit, — and has been so scarce that 
 the only copy I have ever seen, and I have long sought for it, was that from 
 which I make the present reprint. 
 
 In AugiLst and September, 1819, nearly two years antecedent to the first 
 of The Noctes, (which commenced in March, 1822, and closed in February, 
 1835,) there appeared a series of articles entitled " Christopher in the Tent," 
 never before presented in this country, in any shape, which I have here intro- 
 duced as properly prefatory, because the interlocutors in The Tent iuclude 
 the greater number of those who afterwards appeared in The Noctes. I ha\-e 
 also inserted a satirical poem entitled " Metricum Symposium Ambrosianum," 
 (originally intended as an addendum to No. III. of The Noctes,) in which 
 there is a notice of every living British author of note, in the year 1822. This 
 has never been reprinted in America, and I have copiously annotated it. The
 
 vi xditob'b preface. 
 
 whole work has l»oon very carefully revised from tlie original issue in the Majrar 
 tine, whon.by ^ViIM.Il■> ixTiiliarities of composition and punctualiou are fully 
 
 pn^TVixL 
 
 It only rvmains for me to tciuler my grateful acknowle<l{rments, for access to 
 •1(1 loan of Ux.ks of n.ference, to Mes^^rs. Harpers, Appletons, and Evans & 
 Diikerson. piil>H>hers in New-York ; — to Messrs. Evert A. and George L. 
 Duyckiiick. for having kindly placed their valuable private library at my ser- 
 viw; — to Mr. riulij) J. Forbes, of the Society Library, for access to books, 
 •ikI for infMrnution; — to my powl frieniLs Mes.<rs. iKans & Howard, (of the 
 ^'ttr-Yitrk SuitiUiij Times.) for the use of a variety of pulilications, in thiir pos- 
 ■n«iuii. which I had occiL«;io» to consult; — to Dr. Robert 'I'omes, of New- 
 York, to I)r. Henry Alilmtt, (of the CollectiiMi of Egyptian Antiquities,) to 
 l)r. John W. I-V.incLs of New- York, and to Mr. AVilliani Wilson, of Tough- 
 ktvjisjr, fur facts, anifdoti.'S, and references. 
 
 Let mc conclude with a story and a moral : — In Ireland, during one of the 
 ■gniriun ia-jum-ctioiu; i»f the last century, a banker in Galway, naincd French, 
 wx"* [Particularly dislikiil by the laboring chutes. The Poeivo'-Day IJoys, as 
 **iii.>*.' sons of night" called themselves, nstilvftl to ruin "that doublcHlistillcd 
 villain, ould French." To do this eftectually, whenever they visited the hou.ses 
 of tin* farniiTs and gi-ntry, iK-side-s demanding arms and annnunition, they iasisted 
 ou tlie liurrvndfr of such of Fnn hs bank-noti-s as were on hand. To show 
 lliat it ■\a8 not from a nitre preilatory motive, they u.sed solemnly to burn the 
 iKitt« before the late possessors, exclaiming, as they were converted into ashes, 
 "Thin- — tin n"s more ruin for ould French ; we'll burn every note of his thafs 
 t»l>"\c ground, ami not K-ave the villain a brass farthing." They pursued thia 
 viij'ii'ivi'g-.uneijo successfully that, in the coui-se of a year or two, Mr. French 
 was Home jC-i.UUU richer — by the destruction of notes which he otherwise must 
 lave tukeu up and jtaid. 
 
 MORAL. 
 
 Most gentle public, liave no hesitation in following this Peep-o'-Day example. 
 Buy up all copits of Tub Noctes which may get into the markr-t. Loan them 
 oot, so tJmt otJiers will be comix-'lk-d to purchase also. If you clear away tiio 
 whole of our large impression, believe that puldisher and editor will submit to 
 mcJi " ruiu," with tlie cxtiiijjlary patience ol martyrs. 
 
 R. S. M 
 112 Na!«sau Ftp.kkt, Nkw-Yokk, July 2.5, 1854.
 
 HISTORY 
 
 OF 
 
 BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. 
 
 BY PR. SIIELTOX MACKENZIE. 
 
 "WiiJ,iAM Blackwood, fonuler and proprietor of the Magazine which haa 
 borne his name " to the uttormos*^^ parts of the earth," died at his house in J'.'din- 
 burgh, on the 16th September, 1834, in tlie fifty-eighth year of his age. His 
 parents, who were in an humble station of life, placed him as apprentice with 
 Bell & Bradfute, well known booksellers and publishers, in p]dinburgh, in the 
 latter part of the eighteenth and the earlier years of the nineteenth century. In 
 their emplojTiient he read a great variety of books, but Scottish History and 
 Antiquities more particularly engaged his attention. lie was known to have 
 closely studied and largely mastered these subjects, and, when he established 
 himself in business, his accomplishments soon attracted the notice of persons 
 whose good opinion was distinction. For many years he was content with 
 being extensively engaged in the sale of classical and antiquarian works, and waa 
 considered one of the best informed booksellers of tliat class in Great Britain. 
 
 Even as late as forty years ago, what is called the New Town of Edinburgh 
 was regarded with dislike and distrust by the Old. In the latter place, the 
 Castle, the University, the Courts of Law, the Advocates' Library, the Signet 
 Library, the Royal Exchange, the College of Surgeons, Ueriot's and Watson's 
 Hospitals, the principal churches, the Assembly Hall, and even the Palace of 
 Ilolyrood, were distinguishing features. There, too, were the book-shops, the 
 printing-offices, and the publishers' places of business. In the New Town, there 
 wei'e few shops. The gentry, it is true, had domiciles there. But the idea of 
 any publisher moving thither would have been looked upon as the height of 
 folly, half a century since. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood was a man of much sagacity. He saw that the rich, who 
 are naturally purchasers of books, lived in the New Town. He sold off his 
 large stock, chiefly consisting of old books, — moved to a large and airy suite of 
 rooms in Prince's street, which had formerly been occupied by a notable confeo
 
 riii insTuBY OF blackw^kid s magazine. 
 
 tJoiii r. (uk] was tlK-n-fore wi-U known to Uie jjiiblic, aiid prepared to be to Edin- 
 t.ir^'li wlial .lolm Murray, of AlU'nuirle St r\rt. was among the jmblishers of 
 l^jinloiL I'lie " inulc " iu llio Old Town ominously sliiiok their hiads, and s;igu- 
 ciousJy prwiiitt^tl ruiu. itiuckwood did not mind them very much, but moved 
 to llic itutnortiU No. 17 i'riuw'ri street, in the year 1816, and appliul himself to 
 t-V ' .' ' .1 literature and the bib^iui'ss of a popular publisher. In 
 
 A, ,:it out .No. 1 of Ht.AiKwuoo's KuiNULK(;ii .Mai;azixk. 
 
 It is ueiv-Kiry now to go bu<'k a little. The first Number of the Kdiuburti;!! 
 Ilfvic-w luul appt.'urt.'d on ihe 2Jth OetolxT, 1802 ; pn.'cisely at the period when 
 I'ilt, ;. ' ' U» iIk' p'OiToJ dtrsire for jKac*', luul n'tiri-*! from oHiee, iu order 
 that A . II (afterwards l>jnl Sidmnuth) mijilit make a treaty with France 
 
 for tlml puqxK*-. TIwh folKiwwl Titt's R-turn to ofliee in 1804; the prosecu- 
 tion i»f the war with i-Vaniv with nnloublitl enerjry ; the si>lendid victories on 
 lami, willi which Najxilitin thizzlitl the world; the battle of 'i'ral'alirar, where 
 triumph was di-arly jiurehosi-d by the death of Nelson; the death of I'itt, in 
 Jaiiaary, 1806 ; tlie succitssiou of Fox to oPiw, with hia tenure of it lament- 
 •bly abriilj.i"d by di-ath ; the continui'd successes of Najxilcon ; the annexation 
 of .S|>ain and l*ortu;ral to the French empire; and the determination of Eng- 
 LukI, i-arriixl into clfi-cl by \\\'llin;,'-ton, to rescue the IVninsula from the usur- 
 |utiun of Franw. All these oecura'uces iuterveiK-d in the seven years between 
 1S02 ami Ihd'J, and affonli^i a vast supply of materials for discussion in tlie 
 Iviinburj^di Itcviiw. Meanwhile, that jK'rioiIical was successful beyond all 
 bojic aiMl jinxx-dcut, but it inculcatcxl the idea — which was really entertained 
 by JcflK-y — that resistance U> the far-spreading power of Napoleon was and 
 Would Ik- iwlcss, and that |H-ace with France, on any terms, was the only means 
 by which the jmlilical existence of England could possibly be pivserved. 
 
 n»e KnglLsh and Scottish Tories and Anti-Gallicans held different and (as the 
 event h:u provetl) wiser opinions. They determined to oppose the Edinburgh 
 Itt'vicw— whose circulation was 9.000 a number at this time, with the influ- 
 cuiv which such exteitsive publicity gave it. Tlie litx-rary criticism, which 
 was very ginxl, carried it into quarters where the political articles, of them- 
 •elviw, niigiit have tabrxxtl it In FVbruary, 1809, with John Mr.rray as its 
 piiblUhor. anil \Villiam (;i(ror(l ;u-^ its editor, the first number of the Quarterly 
 It-'view came U-fore the world. With such contributors as Scott, (jleorge 
 KJlis, Conning, Frere, Croker, Southey, and other men of repute and intellect, 
 the guarterly imminliatc-ly U>uk the high .stand which it has since maintained. 
 Joh;i Hallantyne. the nominal head of Scotfs publishing house, was Murray's 
 Edinburgh a-euL After some time, Blackwood was placed in that lucrative 
 pftiition. When Seott <iuarrelled with Constable, the Edinburgh publisher, iu 
 1816. Murray and Hliokwoinl gladly became publishers of the next of the 
 Wavcrley Novels, which hapiK'ne<l U) be the first series of " Tales of My Land- 
 lord." This was inmiLxiiately before Blackwood had gone to the New' To^VIl,
 
 niSTORr OF Blackwood's magazine. ix 
 
 and when he was known only as an iuk;lligeut autiquuriau bookseller; anj 
 a;^eiit to Murray. 
 
 Removed to the New Town, in 1816, Blackwood appears to have con- 
 templated liie idea of exaltiiif;^ the eluinictcr of magazine literature, then fallen 
 very low indeed. At this time he was forty years old. In Peter's lietters, (by 
 Loekhart,) he was described as " a nimble active-looking man of middle age, 
 and moves about from one corner to another, with great alacrity, and appar 
 rently under the influence of high animal spirits. His complexion is very san- 
 guineous, but nothing can be more intelligent, keen, and sagacious, than the 
 expression of the whole physiognomy ; above all, the gray eyes and eyebrows, 
 as full of locomotion as those of Catalani. The remarks he makes are, in gen- 
 eral, extremely acute — much more so, indeed, than those of any member of the 
 trade I ever heard speak upon such topics." 
 
 Some time before this, James Hogg had conducted a weekly literary journal 
 in Edinburgh called " The Spy." It failed, but Hogg, who was full of pro- 
 jects, got the idea that a monthly periodical would succeed. There was none 
 in Edinburgh, at that time, except a miserable periodical entitled " The Scots' 
 Magazine." Hogg spoke on the subject to the late Thomas Pringle, who, it 
 appeared, had sinmltaneously entertained a similar idea. Then Blackwood 
 was spoken to, and he, also, had not only thought of, but was actually prepar- 
 ing for such publication. It is evident, then, that Blackwood had not derived 
 the idea from Hogg, as it had previously been a creation of his own mind. 
 
 Blackwood, sagacious even beyond the sagacity of " canny Scotchmen," 
 had noted two points, — that the Edinburgh Review, with its light flying artil- 
 lery of wit, personality, and sarcasm, was a more important assailant than the 
 Quarterly, with its heavy ordnance ; and that the Quarterly had a limited 
 circulation in Scotland, wherein lay the greatest sale of the Edinburgh Review. 
 Blackwood was a decided party-man. He belonged to the Tory side, and 
 hated all that was "Whig. From the first, he determined to make his Maga- 
 zine the assailant of the Edinburgh Review and its party. 
 
 On the first of April, 1817, the first number of " Blackwood's Edinburgh 
 Magazine" was published. It was edited by Messrs. Pringle and Cleghorn, 
 — both of whum, curiously enough, were much deformed in person. Truth to 
 say, the words " dull and decent" would truly characterize this opening num- 
 Der. There were " Notices concerning the Scottish Gipsies," written by Scott, 
 (who occasionally wrote for it until illness wholly prostrated him) — there was 
 a story of Pastoral Life, by Hogg — there were some antiquarian articles, prob- 
 ably selected by Blackwood — there was some poetry — there were a few re- 
 views — there was a monthly chronicle of events, reports on agriculture and 
 commerce, and lists of births, deaths, and marriages. 
 
 Such a publication, though Heiu-y Mackenzie and others speedily came into 
 It, as contributors, was not what the times required — nor Jlr. Blackwood. Ho
 
 X niSTf>RT OF BLACKWOOD 8 MAGAZINE. 
 
 spMxltlr fv!t, and huuonted. iL* want of a dlstinotive cliaractcr. By the time 
 Ibe fourth uuntbcr wus jjiiblishwl, be uiul his tilitors had (luanvlktl : Ihi- wou- 
 jrt- is i ' ■ they Ix'iiig bittor Whi,:;s, wliile ho was a docided 
 
 Torv. 1 - 11 wviit oviT to Ciuistalilo, ihi' puljlishiT, coiivcyiug 
 
 with litem thf ILst of sub-scrilKTS to the MagayJiK', which, thoy Siiid, bclongtHl to 
 liKin. Constable, wrttth with lilackwood for liaviiig obtainal, out of his 
 hiUKls. the ' :>'n of the Waverley Novels, received the deserters with 
 
 opi-n ttj-ui* - tlu-iM iu tlie I'^litorship of tlie " Scot's," henceforth, for the 
 
 brifl time of itii future existence, to be known as " Constable's Edinburgh 
 M.i.'-.iy.iii-. 
 
 !' xi w;l» thrown on his own resources, which did not fail liim. IJe 
 
 ail , [.) W- his own Kditor. and so he continued, fur the remaining seven- 
 
 teen n-urs of his life. He looked about for assistants, and found them. There 
 was JaiUfS Ht>gg. whi>se Quwn's Wake had placed him, not long before, in a 
 station. nmuiiLr .^oottL>h poets, inferior only to Robert liurns and Walter 
 Si-ott, 'riicre was John Wilson, then in the spring of intellect and Hush of 
 young munhiMid. There was John (Jibson Lockhart, eminently gifted by nature 
 and lurgi'ly inqirovetl by wlucation. There was Robert Pierce Gillies, (after- 
 wanls the Kcuipferhausen of " Ihe Noctcs,") whose admirable notices of the 
 dramatic litiratuix' of Ijcrmany and .Scandinavia spetxlily gave the Magazine a 
 peculiar aiul inimitable character. There were others, of less note, — but these 
 wen.* enough at the time. 
 
 Iu tthicJiinxHl for UctoiKT. 1817, apjicared an article occupying nearly eight 
 pagis, and entitk-d "Translation from an Ancient Chaldee Manuscript," which 
 took the shajK." of a btK)k of Holy Writ, being couched in biblical language, 
 atHl dividc<l inti) chajjtcr and veiNc. In reality, this was a sharp and pregnant 
 Butire u|)<'n Coastaijle, Jcllhy, Pringle, Cleghorn, and the most noted members 
 of the Whig jiurty in Edinliurgh. There is no room to doubt that the main 
 authorsliip of this literary Congreve rocket (for so it was) must be credited to 
 Jami-s Hiigg, tliDUgh the wity of Maga used to sneer at the idea. His own ac- 
 count, pulilLshcd in each of hisyii'c autobiographies, (all of which appeared iu 
 William IMackwtxxl's lifetime,) was simply this, — that he wrote the " Chaldee 
 ManiLscript," uimI sent to Mr. Blackwood, from Yarrow ; that, on firet reading 
 it, Uluckwu(Kl did not think of publishing it ; that "some of the rascals to 
 wlioni h*' sh.»wi-<l it, utt<T laughing at it, by tiieir own accounts, till they were 
 sick. ptTsuadi-d Iiim, nay almost forced him to insert it ; for some of them went 
 Ro far us to tell him, that if he did not admit that inimitable article they woulu 
 never sfxak to him as long as they lived," — and that they interlarded it " with 
 a gixjd «lcd of d»"evilry of their own," which I logg had never thought of. Hogg 
 saw nothing objectionable in the article, and would not have scrupled to have 
 iliown it to Conaliiljle, (therein dc-scribed as " the Crafty,") nor to Pringle — who, 
 with Cleghoru, figured in it, as one of " the Beasts." AU that Hogg meant
 
 HISTORY OF Blackwood's magaztite. xi 
 
 was to give a " sly history of the transaction, [Pringle's quarrel with Black, 
 wood,] and the ,Q,reat literary battle that was to be fou<,fht." Hogg's own por. 
 tion of the " Chaldee Manuscript " consisted of the first two chapters, part of 
 the third, and part of the la.st. lie suspected Lockhart, who was eminently 
 sarcastic and iK-rsonal, of having thrown in the pepper. 
 
 AV^ords cannot adequately describe the dismay, astonishment, wi'ath and 
 hatred which greeted the seventh number of Dlackwood, containing the 
 Chaldee ]\Ianuscript. There w;is a wild outcry, all through Edinburgh, before 
 the Magazine had been one hour published. Not alone was the accusation of 
 personality made, but it was declared that the interests of religion and society 
 demanded the prosecution, with a view to the heavy punishment, of Mr. Black- 
 wood, for having oublished " a ribald and profane parody upon the Bible." 
 (jreatly alarmed, Blackwood determined to withdraw the ofiensive article. He 
 had actually issued only two hundred numbers of the Magazine. Every other 
 copy that went out, was minus the " Chaldee," and, in the next number, which 
 was published in November, 1817, there appeared the following very humble 
 apology :— 
 
 " The Editor has learned with regret, that an article in the first edition of 
 last number, which was intended merely as ajeu d'esprit, has been construed so 
 as to give offence to individuals justl}' entitled to respect and regard; he has 
 on that account withdrawn it in the second edition, and can only add, that if 
 wliat has happened could have been anticipated, the article in question cer- 
 tainly never would have appeared." 
 
 Some prosecutions were commenced, and Blackwood had to pay £1000, in 
 costs and damages, in two years. More were thre<atened. The result was that, 
 henceforth, Blackwood's Magazine became looked for, mouth after month, in 
 the expectation of some other group of personalities. In due season, it must 
 be confessed, this expectation duly obtained remarkable fruitage. 
 
 At this distance of time, when thirty-seven years have elapsed between the orig- 
 inal publication of the Chaldee Manuscript and this notice of it, difBcult would 
 it be to point out a tithe of the personalities with which it literally abounded. 
 To obtain even a sight of the article has been difficult. I searched all the na- 
 tional and public libraries in England and Scotland, where sets of Blackwood 
 are kept, and never succeeded in meeting one containing the first (and sup- 
 pressed) edition of No. VII., containing The Chaldee. A short time since, in 
 New- York, I discovered a set of Blackwood containing the desiderated article,* 
 and, as it is in itself, not only a literary curiosity, but is repeatedly referred to 
 
 • It was Mr Evans, (of the firm of Evans & Dickerson, New-York,) who informed me that he 
 possessed a complete set of Blackwood, with thU suppressed article. On examination, I 
 found that it was even as he said. Eventually, I purchased this set, but am not the lesi 
 obliged to the polite courtesy of the vendors, which permitted me to make a copy of the article, 
 some weeks before I had determined to obtain ownership of the valuable series. — SL
 
 \''> niSToaiv OF blackwood's magazine. 
 
 to Tue XocU*. I ^huU ivpriut it, at the eiul of tliL; narrative, witli notes sufB 
 • ^, ■ ' • •' ■ - • il jKTSoiis tliin'in n-ftrri'd tti. 
 
 .11 ttf llie t'iialiKv Manuscript, Wilson, I><xkliart, 
 
 Mui IKnar culcrwl into very intiuuitc- relations with BlackwocKl. 'I'hia 
 
 li, twl. In 1818, tht> late Major Thoiuivs Hamilton (8ul> 
 
 SI,, . ... .. .iutir of "Tlie Youth and Manhood of Cyril Thornton. " 
 
 m, . Manners iu A merit-a") entcrvd the corps as a voluntiXT. The 
 
 ruUuwiu;; u>jir witui«if*l the adhesion of Dr. Maginn, afterwards known, in 
 /) a5 Morpiu Otliiherty. John (J alt, the novelist, soon joined the biuid, 
 
 ui>i .. .... vciuiij; verseniaker (the late David Macbeth Muir) wrote a {jrwit 
 
 deal for it under the Cireek sii;nature of A. But the actual conduct of the Maga- 
 aoL\ which included cornsiwndence with contributors, was wholly in Black- 
 woiid's luuids. He Wiis an excellent man of business, and the Mag-iziue owed 
 much of iljj success to hi in. 
 
 \s early as Februarj', 1818, probably induced by the bold personalities of 
 Uic Chaldiv Manuscript, the Magazine obtained an able, constant, and power- 
 ful coiitribntur in the jH.'rst)n"of Tiini(thy Tickler, — who figures, very extensively, 
 as one of the dramatis persoiut of the Xoctes. The real name of this WTiter 
 was Itobert Syme. John Wilson's mother was his sister. He was a Writer of 
 the Signet, iu exteasive practice at Edinburgh, had considerable projwrty, lived 
 in a graiid hou.se in George's S(|uan', and was, if all accounts be true, one of 
 the gn-at'-st Torii.* in all broad .Scotland. Hogg describes him as "an uncom- 
 mualy fine-looking elderly gentleman, about seven feet high, and as straight as 
 an arrow." He was a good violinist, also, — which strongly recommended him 
 ti» Hogg. He wrote on a variety of topics in the Magazine, and always with 
 market] ability. 
 
 At one time, it wa3 a habit to review, in Blackwood, books which never had 
 been puljliishctl. In February, 1819, a notable instance of this occurred. 
 ThiTe was a a-view, critical enough and rich in extracts, of a book professing 
 to have Uvn printe<i in Alx-rystwith, (a small watering-i)lace in Wales,) and 
 ciilitJed "Peter's Li'tters to his Kinsfolk, being the Substance of some 
 familiar Communications concerning the present State of Scotland, written 
 during a late Visit to that Country." A certain Dr. Peter Morris, of Pen- 
 BhaqK- Hall, Aberystwith, was invented as the letter- writer. The extracts 
 werv piquant enough, and the allusions to persons and things said to be noticed 
 in •' ■ ■;. were abundantly provoking. In the next Blackwood there was a 
 
 '^"- ^ fi'"'^'' review. The re.-^ult was that Lockhart was inductxl to com- 
 
 pleU' " PeU-r's Ix'tters," which Blackwood published, (as a secn,i.! edition !) and 
 it soon reachi-d a Ujird. Caustic, ^vitty, earnest, personal, and fearless, 
 " l*et«'r'B Ix-tters " attract.Hl gn-at attention, and no slight animadversion. The 
 outh.jr'.s name t'ut known, and the Magazine gained much credit for having 
 iutniduced Dr. MorrLs to the world. 
 
 Among the early contributors, in prose or verse, were Sir Tliomas Dick
 
 mSTORY OF BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. xiii 
 
 Lauder, who afterwards wrote a grapliic account of the Great Moraysbirc 
 Floods in 1829 ; Dr. McCrie, the biographer of John Knox and Andrew Mel vil ; 
 Hir David Drinvstcr; Wordswortli, the poet; Dr. Anster, of Dublin, whose 
 translation of "Faust" is probably the best yet published; Coleridge; (Jalt, 
 the Scottish novelist ; the late William Gosnell, of Cork, author of " Dai.iel 
 ORourke ;" J. J. Callanan, and J. D. Murphy, also natives of Cork, the first 
 of whom will be remembered by his ballad of "Gougane Barra;" Bowles, the 
 poet ; Crofton Croker, author of " Irish Fairy Legends ; " Jolm Hughes, 
 (" Mr. Buller,") whose " Magic Lay of the One Horse Chay" first appeared in 
 Maga ; Barry Cornwall ; Gleig, author of '• 'I'he Subaltern ;" Professor 
 George Dunbar, of l<Alinburgh University ; 'I'ennant, the Oriental scholar, 
 author of " Anster Fair ;" and Mr. Townshend, of Cork, who was garrulous 
 and anecdotal under the signature of " Senex." J knew him in my youth, and 
 regret that he did not publish his Recollections in extemo. 
 
 The first actual and out-of-the-ordinary article which showed that a new 
 power had begun to breathe itself into the Magazine, appeared in the number 
 for August, 1819, and was the commencement of the Ante-Noctes series 
 called " Christopher in the Tent." It affected to describe the sayings and 
 doings of the Editor and his contributors, while encamped, on the commence- 
 ment of the shooting season, at the head of the river Dee, among the moun- 
 tains of Aberdeenshire. A variety of fictitious, with a few actual personages, 
 were introduced. There were Dr. Morris, Mr. Wastle, Odoherty, the Ettrick 
 Shepherd, Tickler, Kempferhausen, and others, including Buller and Seward, 
 (representatives of the two English Universities,) with Price and Tims, a 
 coui)le of Cockney tourists. Nearly all these were creations of and in the 
 Magazine. Not so, Dr. Scott, the Odontist of Glasgow, who is entitled to a 
 distinct paragraph, as one of the Curiositie-s of Literature. 
 
 James Scott was a reality, described by Hogg as " a strange-looking, bald- 
 headed, bluff little man, practising as a dentist in Edinburgh and Glasgow ; 
 keeping a good house and hospitable table in both, and considered skilful." 
 Of literature he was wholly ignorant, but Lockhart and others perpetually 
 mystified him, publishing ballads and songs in his name, which, at last, he used 
 to sing as his own. whenever he could get auditors Pet phrases, allusions to 
 particular incidents and persons, were so adroitly introduced into these pieces, 
 that — while his friends marvelled how he had contrived to appear a dull man 
 for the preceding fifty years of his life— nobody discredited his claims to 
 authorship. " The Lament for Captain Paton," one of Lockhart's best bal- 
 lads, was put into Dr. Scott's mouth, in The Tent, and gained him so much 
 reputation, that, on a visit to Liverpool, soon after, the Odontist actually was 
 entertained at a public dinner, on the strength of his reputed connection with 
 Blackwood! The wits of the Magazine even went to the length of announc- 
 ing, among forthcoming works, " Lyrical Ballads, with a Dissertation on some
 
 uv iiisTORT OF Blackwood's maoazink. 
 
 p.»fti!«r rorniplious of P(>otry ; by James Scott. Esq. Two sniall volume? 
 1- llf wjuj anxious for the i)ul»liiatitiii, and liad even sat for Lis jior- 
 
 i.' 
 
 • 'I'bc Tent " wiis so popular, that the whole of the suo- 
 
 i ,r (fur J*t'pteuiber. Ibl9) was devoted to the coiitinuatiou aud 
 
 cuDclutiiuii, iu two parts. Among the characters, real aud iniagiuary, now 
 l.r.-ii.'!it r..r\vanl. in addition t<» those already nametl, were Blackwood, John 
 lialluiiiyiH', (hit off to the life.) Francis Jeifrey, Professor McCull.ali, I'ringle 
 and (.'Icfrhorn. (e,\-<xlitors of tiuicJcwcxHl,) Mi-s. McWhirtcr and her husbaud, 
 the cnidiu- Dr. I'arr, the hkri of Fife, the Duke aud Duchess of Gordon, and 
 r ' M. uiiw Kinu' of the l{eljj:iaiisl In fact, nearly tlu-ee yeai-s before 
 
 ti,. .. iimencvnient of the Xoett'S Amljnisiiiiue, /(tee was the overture 
 
 to tlmt renowned series where wit and wisdom found a voice. As such, I 
 have included it in this CijUection, of which it properly is at once an initiatory 
 and intc^Tal portion. No part of Christoi)her in the Tent has ever before 
 Ut-n |)ul)IL<hed in America : as Coleridge would (and did) say, " It is as good 
 as manuscript." 
 
 Iu October. 1630, in an article called "The Moors," there are some rcniinis- 
 conccs of the imaginary ju-ocei\liiigs iu The Tent, in August and September, 
 l.^ly. \ViL<on here lamented the death of the Odontist — paid a tribute to the 
 evanished plory of Dr. Tarrs wig — declared that Odoherty had been gathered 
 to his fathers, and that his widow (Mrs. McWhirtcr) had applii-d for a pension, 
 wliieh the Wellington Ministry were likely to refuse, but which their succes- 
 Burs would certainly grant, — and that Tims, though puny, was far from unwell, 
 •• and still engaged in polishing tea-spoons, aud other plated articles, at a rate 
 cIm-hi* r than trnvelling gipsies do horn." Wilson reix^atedly writes from 
 "The Tent." a.< witniss his earliest and his latest articles in Maga. 
 
 'Ihere is .something characteristic of his love of external nature, a passion 
 whicli filled his mind while yet a boy, in the jxjrtinacity with which, in his 
 writings, he delights to traverse mountain and valley, to breast the deep waters 
 of the dark and loiiely tarn, to six-ed across the heathery moors, to follow the 
 rapid river to its small source among the hills, to claim and make accjuaint- 
 unce witli the free denizens of earth and air, to hold companioaship with the 
 hnnil>k- shepherd in his turf-built shieling, far up among the clouds and sun- 
 Bliine. in the cxteiLsivc tracks where thousauds of sheep found food, and, at all 
 tiuxai and >eaA<ias, to 
 
 " Look tlirough Nature up to Nature's God." 
 
 If it be notiwd that (Christopher North — darum et vcnerabile nomcnl — is 
 DO*, aetuidly designated as such, under "The Tent," ray reply is the very suffi- 
 cient one iJiat up to this time, the name had not been invented. The couductoi 
 of Uiack'VMd bad hitherto been represented as a sort of " stat nomiuid
 
 nrsTORT OF Blackwood's magazine. xv 
 
 umbra/' aiitl was spoken of as "tlie veiled Ivlitor." No doubt, the incoiive 
 nieiice of tliis want of individuality was felt. 'I'herefore, on the IkicIc of the 
 contents-page of Blackwood for September, 1811), aj)peared the followiiiLi' an 
 uouneement among a variety of other (hnaginary) "Books preparing for I'lib- 
 lication," by Blackwood, of Edinburgh, and Cadell <t Davies, of London : 
 
 TuE AUTOBIOGUAniY of Chkistoimier NonTU, Esq., Editor of Blackwood's 
 
 E<liiiburgli Magazine, in 3 vols 8vo, with numerous engravings of nicu and 
 
 tilings. 
 
 " Had any man tlie conrafte to write a full, candid, and unaffected account of what lie 
 liiinself has scon and tliought — lie could not fail to make the most interesting and instructive 
 book in the world." Kakt. 
 
 In the first volume of this work will be found a copious account of all tlie 
 extraordinary scenes which occurred in Paris at the connnencement of the 
 RevoUition, and of the wonderful escape of the Author shortly after the mar 
 tyrdom of Iving Lonis. The second is chiefly occupied with the political state 
 of Scotland in the years immediately succeeding — and sketches of the many 
 singular characters first about that time developed in this part of the island. 
 The Author's travels into various countries of Europe, particularly Spain, Sicily, 
 Germany, and Ireland — his return to Britain — and final establishment in the 
 metropolis of Sct)tland — together with free and plain strictures on some recent 
 transactions of a very uncommon nature, will bring the third volume to a 
 conclusion. 
 
 The Author is not insensible to the very great boldness of the Work which 
 he has thus undertaken to prepare for the public eye. The nature of those 
 claraom-s which cannot fail to precede, attend, and follow, the publication of 
 his Menioirs has been abundantly contemplated by him, and he has fairly made 
 up his mind to endure them all. The age at which he has arrived is such as 
 to convince him of the folly of either fearino; or hoping much for himself. Ilia 
 only object and ambition is to produce an impartial narrative — and if he does 
 60, he sees no reason to doubt that that nai'rative will be a KTHMA E2 AEI. 
 
 From this period, the eidolon called Christopher North, was the recog- 
 nised editor of Blackwood. Here he alluded to his age as being far ad- 
 vanced. Judging from a subsequent statement in the Noctes, immortal North 
 •was born in December, 1751, which would make him 6R, in The Tent; 71, 
 v>-hen the Noctes commenced ; and 84, when they were concluded. Of course, 
 then, in June, 1849, when the Dies Boreales were commenced. North must 
 have been 98, and must have reached the ripe ageof 101, when the kist was 
 penned, in September, 1852.* 
 
 The first of the Noctes Ambrosiana? was published in March, 1822. The 
 interlocutors were North and Odoherty. In the preceding June, Dr. Maginn, 
 who had become one of the most prolific, as he certainly was the most learned. 
 
 • Vide the article in Blackwood, for May, 1864, which gives this as the dute of Wilson's last 
 contrihjlion. — M.
 
 Xvi mSTORT OF BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE. 
 
 of all tbo contributors, had vL^itcd Blavkwood, at Minburgh, and made iuti- 
 mate ■«|uaiiitam-c with Wil.-^i.n. LiK-kluirt. Ilopir. Hamilton, Cillics. ami mi 
 n->l of ' " ' itiurs. I am nuK-h disposttl to attribute tlio tirst of the 
 
 N.xltt - - !»tm. and 1 am confident that No. IV , (July, 1822.) in 
 
 which Byroii und Oiioherty are the only speakers, could have been written^* 
 by HOIK' other tluui " The Dwtor." 
 
 The famous Gnvk motto, with the (very) free translation, which used to 
 brad each of the NiK-t*-!, was not introduced until No. VI. It was written by 
 Mugiun, and runs as follows : 
 
 XPH S'V.S STMnOlIi] KTAlKflX nEPIMi:iOME\AQN 
 HAKA KUTIAAONTA KAOHMENON OINOIIOTAZEIN. 
 
 Puoc. ap. Ath. 
 
 [Thit it a dintich by wife old Pfioci/lides, 
 
 An ancirnt frho wrotf eraUirJ drcek in no xilli/ days; 
 
 Mftltlilltl, "TlS nUillT Full GOOU W INEIIIBIIINO TKol'LE, 
 
 Not T<i LKT the jig pace ItOl'ND THE CO.MlI> I.IKE A CllII'PLE ; 
 
 Bit OAU.V to chat while ihscissisg their th'i-le." 
 An eztflUnt rule of the hearty old coek 'tix — 
 And a very jit motto to put to our Xoctes.'\ 
 
 ex. ap. Ainbr. 
 
 Whoever befran tlie Nootes, or whatever pens were first employed upon them, 
 there can be no doubt that, very sjiealily, "Wilson's was the nia.ster-niind which 
 pn-ssoil the individuality of irciiius into them. Was it Avonderful, th(>n. if 
 they bore the marks of his authorship? Peculiar turns of expression, and jiar- 
 ticidar trains of thouirht, such as only he indulged in, enabled his friends to 
 trace hLs p«>n thr<«UL'h the series, month after month, year after year. From 
 March. lH'22. mitil I'd unary. IR.^'i. when the series closed. havii)<r extended to 
 Sevciity-(.)ne NuiiiIhts, no Masrazine articles won more attention or favor. 
 
 (Jntit us was their popularity in pjipland, it was peculiarly in America 
 that their hi^'h merit and undoubted ori<rinality received the heartiest recog- 
 nition and appreciation. Xor is this wonderful, when it is considered that for 
 one reader of Jilarkucx)d's Magazine in the old country, there cannot be less 
 tlian fifty in the new. lliere wa.s a stronjjf desire among the more cultivated 
 minds of Great Britain, to have the series collected, and I have understood 
 that the subje(;t was seriously discnsscHl, by Wilson and the Messrs. Black- 
 W()od; but it was cousiderLHl that, aljoundini;: in literary and political ])er.sonal- 
 iti(«, as ••ach of the Noctes did, it would be wholly impossible to make a 
 collective republication without such omi.s.sions as would virtually destroy the 
 oriirinal character of the articles. It w;is considered that a period of five-and- 
 twenly or thirty years must pass, bef<jre the Noctes, uimnitilated. and made 
 clear by biofrraphiciil, literary, political, and general notes, could be presented, 
 «.« a whole. t<i the British public. 
 
 On tlr< Hide of the watir, no such reasons for delay existed, and tlic rcpub-
 
 niSTOKY OF Blackwood's magazine. xvii 
 
 lication of The, Noctcs Anil)rosian:c took place in 181.'5. Tlicj formed four 
 closely-printed volumes, and 1 shall only say of them, that they were distill 
 guished by two faults, one of omission, the other of commission. In the first 
 ])lace no date having been given in any instance, the reader was left wholly in 
 the <lark as to the tiwe of each dialogue; in the second, the whole of Wilson s 
 peculiar mode of personifying things (which he largely did, by the abundant 
 use of ca])ital letters in nouns) was altered, and wherever a word commenced 
 with a capital — thus giving it a sort of brevet title on the page — it was reduced 
 to the [lowi'r-case] ordinary rank-and-file. It is clear that if a writer make 
 it part of his system to have certain words commence with a particular de- 
 scription of letter, (as Wilson did and as Carlyle does,) it marks his style, and 
 should be preserved. A great deficiency in the first American edition of the 
 Noctes was the want of an Index. It will be perceived that I have remedied, 
 in tlie present edition, all that is complained of. The new matter now added 
 makes the series as complete, so far as the text is in question, as I can make it. 
 What else I have done, in illustration, may speak for itself. 
 
 Meanwhile, though Blackwood never relinquislied the actual business con- 
 duct of the Magazine, Wilson gradually became the virtual editor. As one 
 of the Professors in Edinburgh University, he had station ; and years, as they 
 glided on, brought soberer thought. In 1826, Lockhart went to London, to 
 conduct the Quarterly Rcvieir, and with him departed much of the personal 
 and caustic sarcasm of Maga. The more generous impulses of Wilson became 
 lords of the ascendant. The onslaught upon the Cockney School of Litera- 
 ture was laid aside, and every man of genius who chose to write for Maga 
 
 could 
 
 " Claim kindred there and have his claim allowed." 
 
 It would be a long task even to enumerate all who, from that time, contrib- 
 uted to Bliichwood. To the last, Hogg and Hamilton, Aird and Sjtu con- 
 tinued in that band. There Maginn, for over twenty years, poured out the 
 treasures of his learning, wit, and fancy. There, some of Lockharfs most 
 brilliant essays and poems first met the public eye. There, Thomas Double- 
 day a poet then, and only a political economist now, delighted to luxuriate. 
 There, the delicate fancy of Charles Lamb was allowed its full range. There, 
 Caroline Bowles was ever welcome, whether in her prose " Chapters on 
 Churchyards," or in her simple and touching lyrics. There, after many and 
 notable failures in other departments of letters, Gait discovered that his power 
 lay in the delineation of familiar Scottish life. There, "Delta" flooded the 
 land with many thousand lines of unreadable "poetry," and showed, by his 
 "' Autobiography of Mansie Wauch, tailor at Dalkeith," that not in sentiment 
 but in humor was his r(>al strength, in which, had lie pleased, he might have 
 surpassed Gait himself There, Allan Cunningham gave " prose by a poet," 
 in the adventures of Mark Macrobic, the Cameror.ian. There, De Quiucey 
 VOL. I. — 2
 
 Xvih UISiOKV OF BLACKWOOD 8 MAGAZINE. 
 
 poarv«l out liU subtlety, which, were it Ii?s3 diffuse, would liavc been more 
 vuluable. TIutc, Coleridiro, a preatly superior iniiul, occ;L«;i(inally laid liis 
 t' 1 ■ I ' ■ ■' .• public. And there, a star among them, Mrs. Jlemans 
 i u pajrc or two with some noble lyric. Her" Aspiratiou 
 •mi lUsiH'iidiMicy " was first given to the world in BlackwowL 
 
 (.•n-at |»<iliticul dii'.njri.'S took place diiriuir this time; — the brief premier- 
 ship of Cttiinisifr — the incapacity of L<ird Ginlerich, his successor — the iron 
 grasp ofiKiwer by "the Duke' — the election for Clare, which sent O'Connell 
 to Furlianiont — the granting of CathoUc Emancipation, by a Ministry whose 
 live* had Itwn si»ent in n.-sistiiiir it — the conse<|uent branding Wellington and 
 IVvl as traitoi-s (to party) — the death of (Joorge the Fourth — the outcry for 
 rarliaini-ntary lU-form, under his successor — the contest for " the Bill " — the 
 downfall of the 'J'ories — the uprise of the "Whigs, — all of these were fruitful 
 topics, and wen' discusse<l in the articles in Maga, as well ;ts at the Noctts. 
 
 Among the literary i)ai)ers which now appeared may be noticed the con- 
 tinuation of, scarcely inferior to. Swift's History of John Bull, written by 
 Professor Ueorgt? Moir, also author of the beautiful series entitled "Shak- 
 epearc in (Jermany." 
 
 Nor should there be omitted, in this rapid enumeration, the finest nautical 
 fictions of the age, ("Tom Cringle's Log," and the " Cruise of the Midge,") 
 written by one who've very name — Michael Scott — was ever unknown to Mr. 
 Blackwood. In Septembor, 1834. " Ebony," as he loved to be called, (the 
 Chaldtv Manuscript gave him the title,) " shuffled off this mortal coil,' igno- 
 rant of the identity of Michael Scott, who followed him, in the next year. 
 
 In lil(ic/iwf>fxl, after this, appeared Sir Daniel K. Sandford's admirable 
 pajH'rs (adapted from the German of Meissner) on the Youth and Manhood 
 of Alcibiades. There, too, after six English periodicals had peremptorily 
 rejected them, were published Samuel Warren's " Passages from the Diary of 
 a late Physician," which literally took the world of letters by storm, and were 
 Hu<<'c«<lcd by the yit more attractive novel — alas! that it should be a carica- 
 ture from tirst to la-^t — of "'Jen Thousand a Year." 
 
 So grt^t was the catholic spirit of Maga now, that the " Men of Character " 
 of repulilican Douglas Jerrold appeared under the same cover with a biog- 
 raphy of Hurkc. and the historical romance of" Marston," by Croly, the Tory 
 Ma<:ii-h, the (jlasg((W doctor, was allowed to make his eccentric but often dull 
 app<>siratic«» a.s "The Modern Pythagorean." Ingoldsby (our genial friend 
 Harham) intrriduce<l " My Cousin Nicholas" to the world. And. sjiecially 
 invite*! I)y Wil><in. the late John Sterling contrilmle'd his deliglitl'iil " Literary 
 Lire." 'I'lir-rc. too, was the late M. J. Chapman, with his translations from 
 the phiys of /Kschylns. There was "William Hay, not translating, but actually 
 tniii«fusing the (ireek Anthology into English poetry. There, Walter Savage 
 I.anilor ri>okc out, as familiar with the illustrious of past centuries, in his
 
 HISTORY OF Blackwood's magazine. xix 
 
 "Tmagiiiaiy Coiivcrsivtions." There, Professor II. II. Wilson, of Oxford, gave 
 Si)ecii)ieiis of the Iliiulii Drama. There, James Fcrrier (now Professor of 
 Moral Philosophy in the University of St. Andrew's) produced his eloqnent 
 and thou^ditful Introduction to the Philosophy of (.'onsciousness. And there, 
 while yet a youth, William E. Aytoun (afterwards Wilson's son-in-law) gave 
 trochaic versions of Homer, such as have not yet been surpassed. 
 
 After Blackwood's death, the Magazine came more under Wilson's surveil- 
 Lnre than it formerly had been. He hjst no time in inviting Bulwcr to con- 
 tribute — and to this we owe some spirited translations of Schiller, and the 
 two prose tictions (" The Caxtons," and " My Novel") which arc admitted to 
 be the best productions of the greatest living author of England. Monckton 
 Milncs (who certainly wants conmion sense, or he v/ould not have published a 
 volume of " Poetry for the People," and charged two dollars for the book !) 
 was allowed to spread his elegant fancies over occasional pages of Maga. Here 
 were welcomed the lofty strains of lilizabeth Barrett Barrett, the greatest of 
 living female poets. Here, Charles Mackay, the lyrist of humanity and pro- 
 gress, t^ariiestly poured out heart^poetry. It was here that the late Bartholo- 
 mew Simmons, a young Irish poet, who " died too soon," gave his exquisite 
 lyrics to the public. And here, also, did Samuel Phillips, now the literary 
 critic on the " Times " newspaper in Loudon, first make a direct and success- 
 ful challenge, on the universal mass of readers, in his powerful life-novel called 
 " Caleb Stukely." Nor should I here omit to state that some of the most 
 powerful articles, (chiefly on American politics and literature,) ever dashed off 
 by John Neal, appeared in Maga. At a later period, here was also published 
 the earnest poetry of Albert Pike, breathing the true spirit of old mythology, 
 and the brilliant prose-fictions of Ruxton. 
 
 Ten years after Blackwood's death, during which the sceptre had virtually 
 been in Wilson's hands, "the Professor " (as he was uuvays called) gradually 
 began to yield the power into other and younger hands. One of his oldest 
 friends had been old Roger Aytoun, W. S. in Edinburgh.* A son of his, 
 William Edmonstone Aytoun, bad become a dear friend of Wilson's — a yet 
 dearer of Wilson's daughter, whom he married. The elder Aytoun was a 
 fierce little Whig : the younger, a staunch Tory ; able, eloquent, witty, and 
 laborious — which last was proven by his researchful Life of Richard the Lion- 
 hearted, in Murray's Family Library. He became a liberal contributor, in 
 prose and verse, to Blackwood. Station he did not lack, for he was Professor 
 of Rhetoric and Belles Lcttres in his Alma Mater, the University of Edin- 
 l)urgh. And so, AVilson's son-in-law and intimate friend, he may be said to 
 have glided into Wilson's place in the Magazine. Under him, old contributors 
 became more industrious : — what Blackwood is there now, without an article 
 
 * The lawyers, in Edinburgh, between the actual counsellors, who plead, and the mere attor- 
 neys, are Writers to the Signet. — M.
 
 XX msTORT OF Blackwood's magazine. 
 
 frtmi AliMn. the hu«ti»riun ? Aytouii's own force has bwn fiirthur dovolopt'd 
 in wtiric- fiction— wlio can forf.Tt his niilway novdittcs, " My First .'^pec 
 in iIk- li ' •K's." nml " How wc pot up the (jleiinuitchkin Kailway, and 
 l,,,w w,- j; I it '■ ?— but his 1-iys of the Scottish Cavaliei-s show his vein 
 
 of |¥».*try to be rich and oriffinal. li is powers of satire are gre-atr- though, aa 
 Tvt, hi' has UAxl thcni vtrv ran-Iv. 
 
 So. as I liave said. Aytnun gradually glided nito tlic editorship of Maga. 
 Ni»r did WiUtn at once retire. He cunimenced, and completed, a series of 
 critica! articK*. in his own style, called " Specimens of the liritish Classics." 
 After this, tlie old man eliK|ucnt flashed out in his " Dies Boreales," — the hist 
 of which was hu< lattvt composition. 
 
 l^-yoiid this niitl the nrord be carried on? Wilson self-deposed, sparkling 
 to tlie last, and then — a half unconsciousness betwtvn him and the grave. 
 Aytouii. t-ihu-at^tl. as it were, hito the management of Maga. Here join the 
 Past and the Trtrscnt. 
 
 To this, as fitting apjx'ndix. I subjoin The Chaldee Manuscript, The notes 
 wliiih I ap|>end. merely indicate the principal persons and things alluded to : 
 at the la|»se of thirty-seven years, it is impossible to do more. No doubt every 
 Bcutence had its proper barb, when written : 
 
 TRANSLATION 
 
 FKOM AN 
 
 ANCIKXT CIIALDEE MANUSCRIPT. 
 
 lTli«* present age (>.»oms destined to witness the recovery of many admirable 
 rii.-oi-s of Willi iiir, which liad been sujipo.sed to be lost for ever. Tlie Kruditi of 
 Slilah nre not the only pei-^ons who have to boast of bi-ing tlie instruiiieiits of 
 tht-M? n-Miwitalioiis. Wc have l>een favored with tlie following translation of 
 R t'liiiidi*" .Ms. which is pn'scrved in the great IJbrarv of Taiis. (Salle 2d, No. 
 .'"•{. li. A. M. .M.,) by a ^eiitleinan whose attaimiiciits in Oriental Learning are 
 w«'ll known to the jiuldio. It is said that the celebiateil Silvester de Lacy is 
 at prc*<«nt oecupied with a publication of the original. It will be prefaced b}" 
 Bii Inijuiry into the Age when it was written, and the name of the writer ] 
 
 CHAPTKR I. 
 
 4 M» I S.1W in my dream, ami behold 
 
 -V like tlie .Slesseiiirer of a King 
 
 onnie townrd me fi-<>m the Last, and he 
 •«M>k nie \\\> uiid enrrieil tiie into the 
 tnidiit of the urent city that looketh to- 
 • iiid the north and toward the east,* 
 
 and ruleth over every people, and kin- 
 dred, and tongue, that handle the pen 
 of the writer. 
 
 2 And he said unto nie. Take heed 
 what thou seest, for irreat IhiiiL's shall 
 come of it ; the moving of a straw shall 
 be as the whirlwind, and the shaking 
 of a reed as the great tempest. 
 
 • Tlif city of Edinburgh.— M.
 
 TUE CHALDEE MANUSCRIPT. 
 
 XXI 
 
 3 And I looked, and behold a man 
 ololhcd in plain apparel stood in tlie 
 door olhis house: and I saw Ids name, 
 and- the number of his name; and his 
 nauio was as it had been the color of 
 ebony, and his number was the number 
 of a maiden, when the days of ',he years 
 of lier virginity have expired * 
 
 4 And I turned mine eyes, and be- 
 liold two beaslsf came from the land 
 of the borders of the South ; and 
 when I saw them I wondered with 
 great admiration. 
 
 5 The one beast was like unto a lambj 
 and the other like unto a bear, and 
 they had wings on their heads ; their 
 faces also were like the faces of men, 
 the joints of their legs like the polished 
 cedars of Lebanon, and their feet like 
 the feet of horses preparing to go forth 
 to battle ; and they arose and they came 
 onward over the face of the earth, and 
 they touched not the ground as they 
 went. 
 
 G And they came unto tlie man who 
 was clothed in plain apparel, and stood 
 in the door of his house. 
 
 7 And they said unto him, Give us 
 of thy wealth, that we may eat and live, 
 and thou shalt enjoy the fruits of our 
 labors I'or a time, times, or half a time. 
 
 8 And he answered and said unto 
 them, What will you unto me where- 
 unto I may employ 3'ou ? 
 
 9 And the one said,§ I will teach the 
 people of thy land to till and to sow ; 
 
 to reap the harvest, and gather tho 
 sheaves into the barn ; to feed their 
 Hocks, and enrich themselves with the 
 wool . 
 
 10 And the other sald.|| I will teach 
 the children of thy people to know and 
 discern betwixt right and wrong, tho 
 good aud the evil, and in all things that 
 relate to learning, and knowledge, and 
 understanding. 
 
 11 Aud they proffered unto him a 
 Book ;** and they said unto him, Take 
 thou this, aud give us a piece of money, 
 that we may eat and drink, that our 
 souls may live. 
 
 12 And we will put words into thw 
 Book that shall astonish the children 
 of thy people : and it shall be a light 
 unto thy feet, and a lamp unto thy 
 path; it sliall also bring bread to thy 
 household, and a portion to thy maid- 
 ens. 
 
 13 And the man hearkened to their 
 voice, aud he took the Book and gave 
 them a piece of money, and they went 
 away rejoicing iu heart. And I hea'-d. 
 a great noise, as if it had been the noisp 
 of many chariots, and of horsemen 
 passing upon their horses ff 
 
 14 But after many days they put no 
 words into the Book,:};:]: and the man was 
 astonied and wa.\'ed wroth, and he said 
 unto them, What is that you have done 
 unto me, and how shall I answer those 
 to whom I am engaged ? And they said. 
 What is that to us V see thou to that. 
 
 * William Blackwood (Ebony), whose then place of business was at IT Prince's street, 
 la 1S30 he removed to 45 George .street, where Maga continues to be published. — M. 
 
 + Pringle and Cleghorn, the original editors of BUicktcood^H Magazine, were "the two 
 beasts." Both were deformed in person. They had cone over to Constable, the publisher 
 of the Edinburgh Review, and of the old Soots' ilagasine, and the satire of the (JhaJdee MS. 
 was elicited by this defection. In one of Scott's letters, in February, 1S18, four months after 
 the Chaldee .appeared, he s.ayj: "Blackwood is in rather a bad pickle just now — sent to Co- 
 ventry by the trade, as the booksellers call themselves, and all about the pai'ody of tte two 
 beasts." — M. 
 
 J The address of the lamb (Pringle) was niild and soft; that of the other, the bear (Cleg- 
 horn), wiis much the reverse. Both were very lame, and went on crutches. — M. 
 
 § Cleghorn, the Bear, was a gre.at agriculturist, and editor of the Farmer's Magazine. — M. 
 
 I Pringle, the Ijimb, was a highly educated graduate of the University of Edinburgh. — M. 
 
 ** BlackiDoo^rs Magazine was "the Book." — M. 
 
 +t When Bl.ackwood accepted their proposal to edit a magazine, their crutches clattered with 
 jiiy as they retired. — M. 
 
 4+ They belied their promise and proved incapable. — M.
 
 XXXI 
 
 niSTOKY OF BLACKWOOD S MAGAZINE. 
 
 15 An-i the mnn wi-t not what for to 
 
 tlie frii'iiils 
 
 \vli<iee hc'Jirt 
 
 • i-atrcatoilthcin, 
 
 .- 11.1*1 llie Ikxjk, aud 
 
 i<l. nii>l all the world 
 
 .k,*aud uftorthe 
 
 I .t such uiiiaziui; 
 
 wonis into Uie book. 
 I<; Now in those 
 
 davs, there lived 
 
 aNo A man who was oraAyf in counsel, 
 uu<l cunning in all manner of working: 
 
 li Aud 1 Ix'held the man, aud he 
 lid wi-U-favoured, aud he 
 1 .•• horn in his forehead 
 
 wlirrewith lie ruled the nations. 
 
 Is Aud 1 saw the Loru,J that it had 
 •res. and a mouth speaking great 
 t' ni it mafrnitied itself even to 
 
 t • of tlie Host, aud it cast down 
 
 il.o ;r,ii!i to the ground, and it grew 
 aud |'rtis|K»reiL 
 
 ly Aud whfu this man saw the Book, 
 and l>theld the ihinps that were in tiie 
 1 "k. be wa.s troubled in spirit, and 
 iiiiK-h t-a.-?! down.S^ 
 
 ■JO Aud he wiid unto him.self, Why 
 st:i!id I idle here, and why do I not 
 !>• -tir my.sclf ? Lo ! this Hook shall be- 
 ef mie a devourin>j sword iu the hand 
 of mine adversary, aud with it will he 
 root up or loosi'U the horn that is in my 
 forehead, and the hope of my gains shall 
 jNri>ii from the faeo of the earth. 
 
 21 Aud he hated the Book, and the 
 two beajstjj that had put words into the 
 
 Book, for he judged aiK-ording to the 
 reports of men; uevertheless, the man 
 was crafty iu counsel, and more cun- 
 ning thau his fellows. 
 
 22 And he said unto the two beasls,| 
 Come ye aud put your trust under the 
 shadow of my wings, aud I will destroy 
 the man whose name is as ebony, and 
 liis Book. 
 
 23 And I will tear it in pieces, and 
 cast it out like dung upon the face of 
 the earth. 
 
 24 And we will tread him down as 
 the dust of the streets, aud trample him 
 under our feet; and we will break hira 
 to pieces, aud grind him to powder, 
 and cast him into the brook Kidrou. 
 
 25 And I will make of you a great 
 name; and I will place you ne.\t to 
 the horn that is in my forehead,** and 
 it shall be a shelter to you in the day 
 of great adversity ; and it shall defend 
 yo\i from the horn of the unicorn and 
 from the might of the Bulls of Ba- 
 shan. 
 
 20 And you shall be watchers and 
 guard unto it from the emmet and the 
 spider, aud the toad after his kind ; 
 
 27 And from the mole that walketh 
 in darkness, aud from tlie blow-Hy afier 
 his kind, aud the caukcr-worm after 
 his kind, and the maggot after his kind. 
 
 28 And by these means you shall 
 wax very great, for the things that are 
 low shall Ijo exalted. 
 
 29 And the two beasts gave ear 
 
 • Blarkwood (tela usl£tance from more competent writers. — M. 
 
 t Archilialti ConsUiblr, tbe colebraU-J Kiliiiburgh publisher, had obtafncd the Bobriqiict of 
 "The Cr»fty." wvi-nU years before it was given to him in the Ch.ildeo MS. The title, which 
 Muck to him, annoyed him very niiK-b — the more so, perhaps, as ho was fond of conferring 
 nlcknanii-e ujxm olhi-rs. Murray, the London publisher, he called T/ie Emperor of the \Ve«t; 
 be dublM-d hiiiiM'lf Tlie Czar of Muticimj ; facetious John U.-illantyne was The Deij of AU- 
 jtirt; Slid I»ni;inan i Co.. of London, were The I>ir<in. in his nomenclature. One of Long- 
 ui III !. tinn illncd with him at his country-house, and noticed what appeared to l)e a group of 
 •<tan» ii: the pund. "Swans!" cried CVjnsUible: "they are only geese, man. There are just 
 Ovp iif ihi'ir, uiid ilii-lr names are Longman, Hurst, liees, Onue, aud Brown." The Loudunor 
 did not r<ll^h theJ.sU— M. 
 
 J Br the burn, whlcb ruled the nations, the Edinburgh Iteview was Indicated. — M. 
 
 { CoDKtable's ronnternatlon on the appearance ot BlacktvouJ'ii Magdzine. — M. 
 
 I C'oDiublf lii%'ltcs I'ringle and Clegborn to join hlin aud write for the ScoW Jfagitzine, his 
 prt.iMTtjr.— M. 
 
 •• CViDiUible spared no cost U make !iU Edinbargli Magazine superior to Blackwood's, but did 
 nut succeed. — M.
 
 THE CIIALDEE MANUSCRIPT. 
 
 "XXlll 
 
 unto him," ami they came over unto 
 him ai'd bo\> ed down bulbre him with 
 llieir faces to tlio eartli. 
 
 30 "il But wlieii tlie tidin.^s of these 
 t]iiii<?s came to the raau who was 
 elotlied in phiin apparel, he was sore 
 dismayed and his couuieuance feU. 
 
 31 And it repeated liim tliat lie had 
 taken tlie Booiv, or sent it forth abroad ; 
 and he said, I have been sore deceived 
 and betrayed; but I will of myself 
 yield up the Book, and burn it with 
 Mro, and give its ashes to the winds of 
 heaven. 
 
 32 But certain that were there pres- 
 ent said unto liim, Why art thou dis- 
 mayed? and why is tliy countenance 
 fallen? Go to now; gird up thy loins 
 like a man, and call unto thee thy 
 friends, and the men of thy house- 
 hold, and thou shalt behold and see 
 that they that are for thee are more 
 and miglitier than those that be against 
 thee. 
 
 33 And when the man whose name 
 was as ebony, and whose number was 
 the number of a maiden, when the 
 days of the years of her virginity 
 have expired, heard this saying, lie 
 turned about; 
 
 ?,i And he took from under liis 
 girdle a gem of carious workmanship 
 of silver, made by the hand of a cun- 
 ning artilicer, and overlaid within with 
 pure gold; and he took from thence 
 something in color like unto the dust 
 of the earth, or the ashes that remain 
 of a furnace, and he snuffed it up like 
 the east wind, and returned the gem 
 again into its place.f 
 
 35 Whereupon he opened his mouth, 
 and he said unto them, As thou hast 
 spoken, so shall it be done. 
 
 3G Woe unto all them that take 
 part with the man who is crafty in 
 counsel, and with the two beasts 1 
 
 37 For I will ari.se and increase my 
 strength, and come upon them like the 
 locust of the desert, to abolish and 
 overwhelm, and to destroy and to 
 pass over. I 
 
 38 So ho called together the wise 
 men of the city, both from the Old 
 Cit}'^, and from the city which is on 
 this side of the valley, even the New 
 City, which looketh toward the north; 
 and the wise men came.§ 
 
 39 And lo I there stood before him 
 an aged man, whose hair was as white 
 as snow, and in whose hand there was 
 a mirror, wherein passed to and fro 
 the images of the ancient days.|| 
 
 40 And he said. Behold, I am 
 stricken in years, mine eyes are dim. 
 What will ye that I do unto you ? 
 Seek ye them that are young. 
 
 41 And all the young men that were 
 there lifted up their voice and said, 
 We have sat at thy feet all the days 
 of the years which wo have lived upon 
 the earth ; and that which we know is 
 thine, and our learning is thine; and as 
 thou sayest, even so will we do. 
 
 42 And he said unto them. Do ye 
 what is meet in this thing, and let not 
 our friend be discomfited, neither let 
 the man which is crafty rejoice, nor 
 the two beasts. 
 
 43 And when he had said this, ho 
 arose and went away ; and all tVie 
 j'oung men arose up, and humbled 
 themselves before Mm when he went 
 away. 
 
 44 Then spake the man clothed in 
 plain apparel to the great magician 
 who dwelleth in the old fastness, hard 
 
 • They desert Blackwood for Constable. — M. 
 
 t This description of a snufF-box is one of the best hits in the Chaldce MS., and was greatly 
 admired by Scott, as orientalizing a common and familiar object. — M. 
 
 J Hogg wrote and sent nearly eighty verses of the O'liildee Manusoript to Mr. Blackwood, 
 but only the first thirty-seven were published. The remainder of the 180 verses of which it 
 consists was added by Wilson and Lockhart. — M. 
 
 § Blackwood rallies his friends. — M. 
 
 I The aged man was Henry Mackenzie, and the miPTOr in his hand alluded to his periodical 
 "The Mirror," formerly conducted by him witli ability and spirit. He was one of the earliest 
 contributors to Maf i. — M.
 
 .\ \ I \' 
 
 ni:nr)i:v OF blackwood s magazine. 
 
 1 
 
 nud 
 
 bj t)M river Jonlan. wliicb ia by tlie 
 1". - :' And Uke mafrioian ojiened 
 Kii.l, 1-<>I my Ill-art 
 .. aud 1ft the tliint; 
 . l!iy hands to do it. 
 ..it my hands are 
 
 I hiboiir is great. 
 
 Kur, lo, I have lo Ici-d all the |>eoi>le 
 if ' ' •• i none knoweth whence 
 1. :i;f but each man oi>eu 
 
 my 
 
 hand lihelh it 
 
 tiiiue adversarj also is 
 
 \» 
 
 40 
 of m.v .S.J 
 
 47 The land is before thee; draw 
 thou up tliy hosts for the battle in the 
 Jill -r of I'rinces, over against thine ad- 
 vcr.-.iry, which hath ills station near 
 the mount of the rnx-himatiou;^ ((uit 
 ye Jis men. and let favour be shown 
 unto him whicli is most valiant. 
 
 48 Vet be thou silent; peradventure 
 will I help the© some little. 
 
 41* So he made R'(|uest also unto a 
 wise man| which had come out of 
 Jiipl).!, where tlie ships are, one that 
 h.ii s'ljourned in far coimtrics, who.^e 
 wi.-,do:ii is great above all the children 
 of the ea-st. one which teaclieth the 
 sons of the honourable men, and speak- 
 eih Wonderful things in tlie schools of 
 the learned men : 
 
 60 One which s[M?aketh of trees and 
 of boasts,** and of fowl and of creep- 
 ing things, and of lislies, from the great 
 Lruviatluui that is in the deep sea even 
 
 unto the small muscle which dwelleth 
 in the shell of the rock ; 
 
 fil MoriH)vcr, of all manner of pre 
 cious stones, and of the ancient moun- 
 tains, antl the moving of llie great 
 waters :f f 
 
 52 One which had been led before 
 the Chief Priests, and lauded of lliem 
 for smiting a worsliipper of Fire in the 
 lanil. which being interpreted, signi- 
 fielh bread. 
 
 5;i And he said. Behold, here is a 
 round stone, set thou that in a ring, 
 and jiut the ring upon tiiy linger, aud 
 behold, wliilo the ring is upon the 
 linger, thou shalt have no fear of the 
 man wliich is crafty, neither cf the 
 two beasts. 
 
 51 Then the man spake to a wise 
 man wliich had a light in his hand|J 
 and crown of pearls upon his head, 
 and he said. Behold, I will brew a 
 sharp poison for the man which is 
 crafty, and the two beasts. Wait ye 
 till I come. So he arose also aud weul 
 his way. 
 
 55 Also to a wise young man, which 
 is learned in the law,gi^ even as his father 
 was learned, and wiio lifteth up his 
 voice in the courts of tlio treasury of 
 our Lord tiie King, witli his fellow, who 
 is one of the sons of the Prophets. 
 
 50 lie spake also to a learned man 
 who sendetii all the King's messengers 
 to the four corners of the great city, 
 each man clothed in scarlet, and be ar- 
 
 • sir Walti-r Scott, "the pri-at Ma^'iclan of the North,'' whose residence, Abbotsford, was 
 •Itiintml in a bordi-r county, by the river Tweed. — M. 
 
 t At tills time, tlie authorship of the Waverley Novels was unacknowledged. — M. 
 
 J CoiiKLalile w:i.« Sir Waller Scott's publisher. — M. 
 
 f The "mount of Proclamation"' was the cross (since removed) on the High street, Edln- 
 bn'-.-'i. wh'Tf ("on't.iblo's shop then was. — M. 
 
 • r .Jameson, of Kiliiiburgh University. Uo was born at Jopp.o, a vilUigo on 
 I • ir Kilinliur>rli.— M. 
 
 •• llr i>ccu'-!ed Uie Chair of Natural liistory in the University of Edinburgh, and died In 
 isM.— XL 
 
 ft lie was a dlrtlnmilsbed mineralogist, and on advocate of the Wcrnerian in opposition to 
 the lluttonlan hypothcMs. — M. 
 
 j; Sir I>avld Iln- »>ttT. now rrlncipal of the University of Edinburgh. Having "a light In his 
 haiul." rif«r» to hin pbilu»<>|>lilcul and praotlca! wrilinc.s and experiments on Light. — M. 
 
 fi Patrick Kroner 'I'ytler. Ki«|., mlvocale. author of the HUtory of Scotlund, iic, son of Loid 
 WtMMlbuuaclei.-, uiie of iho Judges of the Supreme Court of Scotland. Ue died in ItMll. — Al.
 
 THE CUALDKE jrANUSCKIPT. 
 
 XXV 
 
 ii.R a bundle of k'ttcrs, toucliing the 
 ad'airs of men, in his rii^'ht liand.* 
 
 '■'■7 Ik' spake also unto a sweet sinpcr, 
 whii is oiiiiniuj^ to play all slrin<<ed 
 in.slnHiieiits,-|- who wearetli a charm 
 upon his bosom, even a stone, whereon 
 is engraved ancient Avriting. And he 
 fra!netli songs, and waxeth very wroth 
 against tlie horn which is in the fore- 
 head of the man which is crafty. 
 
 58 Also to one who had been a phy- 
 sician in his youth, and who had dwelt 
 with the keeper of the gates of the 
 wise men : 
 
 59 But lie was now a dealer in wine 
 and oil, and in the lishcs which are 
 taken in the nets of the people of the 
 west ; 
 
 GO Also in strong drink. 
 
 ()1 Then sent he for one cunning in 
 sharp instruments and edged tools, 
 even in razors ; but he had taken unto 
 himself a wife, and could not come. 
 
 (i2 But. behold, while they were yet 
 speaking, they heard a voice of one 
 screeching in the gate, and the voice 
 was a sharp voice, even like the voice 
 of tlie unclean bird which buildeth its 
 nest in the corner of the temple, and 
 delileth the holy places.;]: 
 
 (>:! Ihit they opened not the door, 
 neither answered they a word to the 
 voice of its screaming. So the unclean 
 thing flew awa}', neither could they 
 find any trace of its going. 
 
 (j4 Arid there was a silence in the 
 assembly. And, behold, when they 
 began to speak, they were too many, 
 neither could the man know what was 
 the meaning of their counsel, for they 
 
 spake together, and the voice of their 
 sjieaking was mingled. 
 
 (;5 So the man was sore perplexed, 
 and he wist not what for to do. 
 
 CHAPTER IT. 
 
 NOW, behold, as soon as they were 
 gone, he sat down in his inner 
 chaml)cr, which looketh toward the 
 street of Oman, and the road of Ga- 
 briel, as thou goest up into the land of 
 Ambrose,*^ and the man leaned with 
 his face upon his hand. 
 
 2 And while he was 
 there stood before him a 
 in dark garments, having 
 his head;! and there was 
 
 yet musmg, 
 man clothed 
 a veil ujion 
 a rod in liis 
 liand. 
 
 3 And he said. Arise, let not thine 
 heart be discouraged, neither let it be 
 afraid. 
 
 4 Behold, if thou wilt hsten unto 
 me, I will deliver thee out of all thy 
 distresses, neither shall any be able to 
 touch a hair of thy head. 
 
 5 And when the man heard the 
 voice of his speaking, behold, there was 
 in his voice courage, and in his coun- 
 sel boldness. And he said unto him, 
 Do thou as it seemeth good unto thee ; 
 as thou sayest even so will I do. 
 
 6 And the man who had come in 
 answered and said. Behold, I will call 
 mighty creatures which will comfort 
 thee, and destroy the power of thy ad- 
 versary, and will devour the two beasts. 
 
 7 So he gave unto the man in plain 
 
 * The Postin.nstcr-Genernlof Sootland. The oo.-ichnien, puards, and letter-carriers, then wore 
 e> iinit'oriii of wlik'h a scarlet coat was the most reiuaikable portion. — M. 
 
 ■t Mr. Peter Hill, then a young EJinbnrsrh bookseller — in Peter's Letters to Ms Kin.ifolk 
 Lockhart saj-s, "I declare to you that you never heard a sweeter pipe. Our friend Tom Moore 
 himself is no whit his superior." — M. 
 
 X Charles Kn-kpatrick Sharpe, a clever caricaturist, and full of small gossip. — M. 
 
 § Oman kept a hotel in Edinburgh. Ambrose's Tavern was situated at the back of Prince's 
 Street, in a place called Gabriel's Koad, from a murder committed there by a tutor named Gabriel 
 on two of his pupils. He was caught in the act (•'red-handi^d'"), and, by power of an ancient 
 law. was hanged on the si)ot, with the bloody knife around his neck.— M. 
 
 [ This man, thus mysteriously veiled, was the unknown Editor of Blackicood. The person- 
 ality of Cliristophe'- Nort'i was not invented until September, 1S19.— M.
 
 AXVi 
 
 niSTOliY VV llLACKWOOli S MAGAZINE. 
 
 n, .... - . - •■^y the names 
 oi liould cnill. 
 
 Afci ••; and 
 
 vhooi 
 
 8 And tJie man wiili tho vi-d stood 
 br. but there was a elmid aUiut him, 
 oi-iLhcr ivuld ihev wliich caime see 
 I 
 
 I' 
 
 » ■ 
 
 Vn.u. 
 t: 
 
 it WMS that com- 
 
 1 the likcnops of 
 ,\- not who were 
 
 :iO. 
 
 »■■ ..... i..o Ii:>t which canic was 
 afttT iho hki'Ui-.«s of tJie lK?aiitifiil leop- 
 " y of tlie pnlm-trceR, 
 was comely as tlie 
 eyes like the hght- 
 
 11' 
 
 V 
 
 11 And the swHuid was the lyn\,* 
 that hirketh behind tho wliite cottage 
 in iJk- mountain.^. 
 
 12 There tMino also, from a far 
 OOiiTitrv. t!ie j:e<iq>i<>ii.f which deli^liteth 
 t ■ ■• f.ui'S of men, tliat he rniglit 
 ei- ., ly llie countenance of tiio 
 man wliich is crafly, and of tho two 
 beasts, 
 
 ]:i Al5o the jjreat wild boarj from the 
 fon-si of jA-hanon, and lie roused up his 
 ppirit. and I saw him whetting his 
 dn-adful tusks for the battle.i^ 
 
 14 And the jrriflin came with a roll 
 of the names of those whose blood had 
 been slied between his teeth ;| and I 
 RikW him slandiiej; over the body of one 
 t' 'On buried Ion;: in tlie prave, 
 li it from all men ; and behold 
 there were none which durst come 
 near him. 
 
 15 Also the black eaplo of the de- 
 Bert, whose cry is as tlio sound of an 
 
 unknown tonpue, wliich (iieth over thb 
 ruins of the ancient cities, and hath his 
 dwelling among the tombs of the wise 
 
 men 
 
 ** 
 
 10 Also the stork f-f which buildeth 
 upon the honse-to]), and devoureth all 
 manner of unclean thinps, and all bee- 
 tles, and all manner of Hies, and much 
 worms. 
 
 17 And the hyienaJJ ^'lich cschcw- 
 eth the light, and cometh forth at the 
 evening tide to raise up and gnaw the 
 bones of the dead, and is an a riddle 
 unto the vain man. 
 
 18 And the beagle and the slow- 
 hound after their kind, and all the 
 beasts of the field, more than could bo 
 numbered, they were so many. 
 
 19 ^ Antl when they were all ga- 
 thered together, the man which was 
 clothed in plain apparel looked about, 
 and his heart was right merry when ho 
 saw the mighty creatures wliich had 
 come in unto him, and heard the tu- 
 mult of their voices, and the noise of 
 the (lapping of their wings. 
 
 20 And he lifted up his voice, and 
 sliouted with a great shout, and said, 
 Heboid, I am increased greatly, and I 
 will do terrible things to the man who 
 is crafty and to his two beasts. 
 
 21 And he sent away a swift mes- 
 senger for a physician, which healeth 
 all manner of bruises, and wounds, 
 and putrefying sores, lest that he 
 should go forth to heal up the wounds 
 of tho man that is craft}-, or of his two 
 beasts. 
 
 22 (Now this physician was a mild 
 man, neither was there any gall within 
 him, yet ho went near.)g§ 
 
 • .\rtJiiir Mower, E.h<i.. author of a little talc called Th^ VHiite Cottage, was the Ijnx.— M. 
 
 t .lolin (illiMiu I.<iikli3rt \v:is ihe iic»i-|iion. — M. 
 
 X .lami-K llitge. tliu Ktlrick Sliephunl, waa the "great boar from the Forest,"- -M. 
 
 I Wllwin wn» tho U'opiinl. — M. 
 
 I The- LTiill!, w.is til.; U.;v. I>r. McCrie. author of the Th6 Life of Kruy3i.—\\.. 
 
 •• -"^ Hiunilt.jii, I'rofcwcjr of Logic and Metaphysics in the University of Edinburgh, 
 
 ^ •' "1. n» 'Miin.nt t.:.tiir:ilist. t.roth.'r of Professor Wilson, was the stork.— M. 
 
 tJ J •■• odTocate, » profound legal antl(|uarian, M-iis the hyii'iia. — M. 
 
 IS l>r. .lobn Gordoo, au able jihysiciau, who died young, and wrote against Gall, the phreno-
 
 TIIK UUALDKE MAJh'USCRIPT. 
 
 XX \ H 
 
 A^ 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 NI) while tliese thinj^s were yot 
 iV iloinji;, I hoard a groat rusliino:, ami 
 tlio ^oiiiul as of a mighty wind:* and 1 
 looked over the valley into the old 
 city, and there was a tumult over 
 again.-t the mount of Proelamation.f 
 
 2 Kor when tidings of these things 
 came to the man which was crafty, his 
 heart died within him, and he waxed 
 sore afraid. 
 
 y> And he said unto himself, What 
 is this? Lehold mine adversary' is very 
 migiity, neither can I go forth to tight 
 him : for whom have I save myself 
 only, and my two beasts ? 
 
 4 And while he was yet speaking, 
 the two beasts stood before him. 
 
 5 And the beast wliich was like 
 unto a bear said, Behold, it is yet har- 
 vest, and how can [ leave my coin 
 which is in the fields? If I go forth 
 to make war upon the man whose name 
 is as ebony, the Philistines will come 
 into my farm, and carry away all the 
 full sheaves whicli are ready. 
 
 t) And the beast which was like 
 unto a laml)J answered and said, Lo I 
 my logs are weary, and the Egyptians 
 which were wont for to carry me are 
 clean gone; and wherewithal shall I 
 go forth to make war upon the man 
 whose name is as ebony ? 
 
 7 A'evertheloss will I put a sweet 
 song against him Into thy Book. 
 
 S But the man whicli was crafty 
 answered and said, Unprofitable gen- 
 eration I ye have given unto me a 
 horn wliich is empty, and a horse 
 wliieh hath no feet. If ye go not forth 
 
 me up the meat which I ]\:\vv. given 
 unto you, and the penny which yo 
 have of me, that I may hire othcra 
 who will fight with the man whoso 
 name is as ebony.g 
 
 9 And the beasts spake not at ail, 
 neither answered tliey him one word. 
 
 10 But as they sat before him, the 
 beast which was like unto a bear|| took 
 courage ; and he opened his mouih and 
 said, 
 
 1 1 O man, thou hast fed me here- 
 tofore, ami whatever cutereth into my 
 Hps is thine. Why now should we fall 
 out about this thing? 
 
 1 2 Call unto thee thy counsellors, 
 the spirits, and the wise men, and the 
 magicians, if haply they may advise 
 thee touching the man whose name is 
 as ebony, and the creatures which are 
 within his gates. Whatsoever they 
 say, that shall be done. 
 
 1 :! Yet the man was not pleased, 
 neither was liis countenance light- 
 ened ; nevertheless, he did even as the 
 beast said. 
 
 14 So he called unto him a familiar 
 spirit, unto whom he had sold him- 
 self** 
 
 15 But the spirit was a wicked 
 spirit and a cruel: so he answered and 
 said, Lo, have I not put great might 
 into the horn which is in thy forehead? 
 What more said I ever that I would 
 do unto thee ? Thy soul is in my 
 hands: do as thou listest in this thing. 
 
 IG. But the man entreated him sore- 
 ly, yet he listened not:ff for he had 
 great fear of the vision of the man \vho 
 was clothed in dark garments, and 
 who had a veil upon his head; 
 
 17 (For he was of the seed of those 
 
 to fight with mine adversary, deliver I which have command over the devils. )J:j: 
 
 ♦ A Uiiiiiilt ia Constable's camp. — M. 
 
 t 'I 1r' Mouut of I'roclaniation was a part of the Olil Town of Edinburgh, on which, while the 
 Sti;arts rci^TU'd. lu-r.-ild.s and ciifis used to read royal mandates and proclamations. — M. 
 
 I Hiinjde, the Lamb, was the collabordteur of the articles on tlie Gyjisies, which appeared in 
 Die early numbers oi Blackwood. Sir Walter Scott, however, supplied the principal part. — M. 
 
 § Constable's dissatisfaction with the two beasts, Pringle and Cleghorn. 
 
 ; Clef'horn lenders his advice. — M. 
 
 *♦ Kraiicis JillVuy was Constable's "familiar spirit." — M. 
 
 tt Jeffrey refi;si;3 to assist Constable. — M. 
 
 f; Printers' devils — M.
 
 XWtll 
 
 IIIPTOKV OF LI.ACKWOUlJ S MAGAZINT:. 
 
 i;i>i^ wen yet 
 1 
 
 Ui 'an 
 
 «-v.> of 
 
 t ', lo U'U)|>i the tumls of the 
 
 , ,>. :.i,,! ii .. m-riU'S, ana all 
 
 I r tlie iaA' for llio 
 
 t ii]alff:ietors 
 
 \ li;i«<l.* 
 
 • i wilii iiloiul 
 
 \ 111 w liuiii he 
 
 |iiii hiK (ru»it. 
 
 1 And the first wns a cuiininj: 
 
 wliicli haili its dwelling; in tln' 
 
 ' ' uvH of llif eartli, and halh 
 
 iiMT t)ic« 8iriw and llie hail, 
 
 ■■' th»' piMir man : 
 
 I y he liftcth up 
 
 ■ I »>f hif niwil-pinirl, to take ont 
 
 and lo! it is full of stronjr ice f 
 
 Ti And tlie f>ofond was a little blind 
 Kl'irit, whieh hath a nnniher upon his 
 fi>r< I i-:id : and he walkelh to and fro 
 < •. and is the cliief of the 
 
 1 i.irh are the worshippers of 
 
 brv. He ib also of the se«.'d of the 
 pri.phet, and ministered in the temple 
 wliili- he was _vt-t \oun}f : but ho went 
 out, atid became <ine of the scofl'crs.J 
 
 2:t l!u: when ihise sjiirits heard the 
 W'"^,N of the man, and perceived his 
 tnul^le. lliey jr.ive no ear unto liis out- 
 en', neither listened they to tlie voice 
 of his s'.ippliciition. 
 
 24 Anrl they lausrhcd at the man 
 with a loud lau;,'hter, and said unlo 
 liiui. liO, shall Wf leave our difrginp: 
 into the IxiweN of the earth, or our 
 ii-e, or our fire, wlih which we deceive 
 the nations, and come down to he as it 
 wen- servants unto ihee and these two 
 l>"M-is. which are lame beasts, and im- 
 I' ■■ ' " Oo to, man, seek thou 
 U. ;i are tliv fellows. 
 
 25 And they vanished from liis sijrht: 
 and he heard llie voice of their laugh- 
 ter, l>oth he and his two beasts. 
 
 26 •[ Hut when the s)>irits were 
 pone, he s;iid unto himself 1 will arise 
 and po unto a ni:ii;iciau which is of 
 my friends : of a surely he will devise 
 some remedy, and free me out of all 
 my di.stresses. 
 
 27 .So lie arose and came unto th:it 
 preat mapicinu which hath his dwell- 
 inp in tlie old fastness, hard by the 
 river Jordan, wliich is by the Lorder. 
 
 2S And the mapieian opened hia 
 mouth and said, Lo! my heart wishetb 
 thy pood, and let the thinp j)rosper 
 which is in thy lumds to doit: 
 
 20 l!ut thou seesi that my hamls are 
 full of workinp, and my labor is preat. 
 For, lo, I have lo feed all the people 
 of my land, and none knoweth whence 
 his foo<l Cometh; but each man o)ien- 
 elh his u)outh. and in}' hand lillelh it 
 with pleasant ihinps. 
 
 H(i Moreover, thine adversary also is 
 of my familiar.'^. 
 
 31 The land is before thee: draw 
 thou up thine hosts for the battle on 
 the mount of Proclamation, and defy 
 boldly thine enemy, whit-h halh his 
 ! camp in the place of I'rinc.es; (piit ye 
 as n)en, and let favor be shown unto 
 him which is most valiant. 
 
 ;'.2 Yet be thou silent : peradven- 
 ture will I help thee some little. 
 
 33 Hut the man which is crafty saw 
 that the nii'pician loved him not. For 
 he knew him of old, and they had 
 had nianj- dealinps ; and lie perceived 
 that he would not assist him in the 
 day of his adversity. 
 
 34 So ho turned about, and went 
 out of his fastness. And he shook tlie 
 dust from his feet, and said, Behold, I 
 
 • .Iillrrv. at tills tlini- (I '■17). w.is cnirriifed in the ilefonce of tlio Kilmnrnock Radicals, accu»<.-d 
 of M<<lltlon, »n^i hnil fiilrly In-ali'n the puMic prosi-cntor in the Court of .lustidury. — M. 
 
 t John L«'»lli-. I'lof.'r.Mir uf .Matlieiii.'itic!^ in the Uiiivi-rsity of Kilinluirsh. Tlic alluslnn i.s 
 Ui his fn'.zln(t |.nK-.ik». in which oiUUK-ai U used. Euily in lb32 he wus knij^httil. an.l ilie.l in 
 NiivcnilMT III that yi'ur. — M. 
 
 J .John I'layfalr. ^'r..rl■s^<lr of Natural Philosophy in tlie I'niversity of Edlnburph. His 
 fath« r WM n rliTirytiiaa »nd hr !iiiccee<led him as inlnl»l<T of Bervie, near Dundee, b'lt resijjiieJ 
 the inlniiitry to piu-mn- Ih.; sfiiy of inathiin itlc*. lie died in 1819.— R
 
 THE CliALDEE MANL'SCUIPT. 
 
 XMX 
 
 have given this maf^ician mucli money, 
 yet see now, ho haUi utterly dosorteii 
 me.* Verily, my line j^olJ hatli per- 
 i.shed. 
 
 35 But wlien he had come back 
 unto his house, he found tlie two beasts 
 wliicli were yet there ; and behold the 
 beasts were gabblin;,' together, and 
 making much noise. Ami wlicn he 
 looked in, beliokl yet another bea^l; 
 and ihey were all gabbling together. 
 
 3G Ndiv the other beast was a beast 
 ■which he loved not. A bea.st of bur- 
 den which he hath in his courts to 
 hew wood and carry water, and to do 
 all manner of unclean things. His 
 face was like unto the face of an ape, 
 and he chattered continually, and liis 
 nether parts were uncomely. Never- 
 theless, his thighs were hairy, and the 
 hair was as the shining of a satin rai- 
 ment, and he skipped with the branch 
 of a tree in his hand, and he chewed 
 a snail lietween his teeth. 
 
 37 Then said the man. Verily this 
 beast is altogether unprofitalile, and 
 ■whatsoever I have given unto him to 
 do he has spoiled : he is a sinful thing, 
 and speaketh abominably : his doings 
 are impure, and all people are aston- 
 islu'il that heabideth so long within my 
 gati-s. 
 
 38 But if thou lookest upon him 
 and observest his ways, Ijehold he was 
 born of his mother before yet the 
 months ■were fulfilled, and the sub- 
 stance of a living thing is not in him, 
 and his bones are like the potsherd 
 which is broken against any stone. 
 
 30 Therefore my heart pitieth him, 
 and I wish not that he be utterly famish- 
 ed ; and I give unto him a little bread 
 and wine that his soul may not faint; 
 anl I send him messages unto the 
 
 towns and villages which are round 
 about; and I give him such -work as 
 is meet for him. 
 
 40 But if we go forth to the battle, 
 let him not go with us. 
 
 41 For behold the grillin hath here- 
 tofore wounded him, and the scorpion 
 hath stimg him sorely in the hips and 
 the thighs, and also in the face. 
 
 42 Aloreover, the eagle of heaven 
 also is his dread, and he is terriiicd for 
 the Happing of his huge wings, and for 
 his cry, which is like the voice of an 
 unknown tongue, also his talons, which 
 are sharper than any two-edged sword. 
 
 4:! And if it cometh to pass that ho 
 seeth them in the battle, he will not 
 stand, but surely turn back and Hee. 
 
 44 Therefore let us not take him 
 with us, lest he be for an ensamplo 
 unto the simple ones. 
 
 45 And while he was yet speaking, 
 behold he heard a knocking upon the 
 stair, as if yet another beast had been 
 stirring. 
 
 46 And lo, it was even so. 
 
 47 And another beast came in^ 
 whose disease was the murrain, ■who 
 had ej^es yet saw not, and whose 
 laughter was like the laugliter of them 
 whose life is hidden, and which know 
 not what they do. 
 
 4S And I heard a voice cr_v, Alas! 
 alas ! even as if it were Heu ! lieu If 
 
 49 Now the man was sick at heart 
 when he perceived that he was there 
 with the four beasts, f and he said, 
 Wretched man that I am, who shall 
 deliver me from the weight of beasts 
 which jiresseth sore upon me ? 
 
 50 Then the four beasts waxed very 
 wroth, and they all be.gan for to cry 
 out against the man which is crafty. 
 
 51 And he said, race of beasts, 
 
 * Soott and Constable long; had intimate relations, as author and publisher; but. taking: of- 
 fi'iif'.' at some e.\ |)ression of Constable's partner, Scott employed Blackwood as his publisher, 
 gi-.atly to the annoyance and loss of "The Crafty.'" After a time. Constable resumed his rela 
 ti<ins with Seott, and they were continued, until the Panic of 1S25 caused Constable's bankrupt- 
 cy and Scolt's ruin. — M. 
 
 t Ano'her Editor of Constable's, wlxise Christian name was TTugh. — M. 
 
 i I anr 'nable to say who were the two other ''beasts" here introduced. — M.
 
 XXX 
 
 IIIffn^UY OF lil.AiKWOOU'S MAGAZINE. 
 
 I. 
 
 ^.; 
 
 (Odtu-r. 
 
 M if 
 
 I' 
 
 and k<»op piloni"0 until I 
 .hut hJiull bti doue ia Uiis 
 
 ' ' ' 8|>nke, it socmcd 
 ..ud wi-re ufraid of 
 ..f llie stjivuB whcre- 
 
 CIlArTi:R IV. 
 
 1)1" r while lie was yc-t tremblinp, lo, 
 ^ tlun- i.iiuc ill one which was his 
 familiar fnriid fnuii Ins youth upwards, 
 uhi< kcvpi-lh the books of the scribes, 
 and IB hirvd to cx|>ound tilings which 
 he knoweih not, and follcclelh togeth- 
 er llie reiuaiiiii of tlio wise men.* 
 
 2 And lio ojieued his mouth and 
 Mid, Lo, I have eome even this hour 
 from the camp of the iiiciny, and I 
 luive spoken with tliu man wliose 
 luiuie is lis ebony. 
 
 3 And while I was speaking with 
 him kindly, lo, some of the creatures 
 whi>-h are within his piles took milice 
 of inc. and they warned him. So he 
 put no faith nor trust in me. 
 
 4 But liike tliou goml heed to thy- 
 Belf, fcT they that are against thee are 
 Diigliiy, and I have seen their num- 
 bers. 
 
 5 Xow when the man licard this, 
 lie waxe«l yet more fearful. 
 
 G Then thi-re came into his cham- 
 ber auollier of his friends, oue whose 
 nose is like the beak of a bird of prey, 
 whose mouth is foul, and his teeth 
 reaeh from tlie ri;.'lit ear even nuto the 
 left ;f and he .xaid, l"or wliy art lliou so 
 cast down ? Ikj of good cheer; behold 
 I have an old breastplate which I will 
 put on. and go forth with thee unto 
 the buttle. 
 
 i 7 And further, he began to ppcak of 
 1 llie north, and the great men of the 
 
 north, even the giants, and the painted 
 I folk, but they Blopied him, for of his 
 
 sj'eakiiig there is no end. 
 
 8 Thiii there came into his chamber 
 a lean man,"whiih hatli his dwelling 
 liy the great pool to the north of the 
 New City ; J 
 
 9 AVliieh had been of tlie fanii]i;u-.9 
 of the man in plain apparel while ihc-y 
 were yet youths, before he had been 
 tempted of the man which is crafty; 
 
 10 Whose name had gone abroad 
 among the nations on many books.^ 
 evea as his father's name had gouo 
 abroad ; 
 
 1 1 One which delightetli in trees, 
 and fruits, and Howers ; the palm-tree 
 and the olive, the ]>omegranate and 
 the vine, the tig and the date, the tulip 
 and the lily ; 
 
 I'i 'Which had sojourned in far lands, 
 gathering herbs for the chief position. 
 
 i:^ And he had a rotten melon on 
 his head, alter the fashion of an helmet. 
 
 14 And the man which is crafty be- 
 gan to take courage when his friends 
 were gathered unto him, and he took 
 his trumjiet with boldness, and began 
 to blow for them over which he had 
 power. 
 
 15 lint of them which listened to 
 him, their limbs were weak, and their 
 swords blunt, and the strings of their 
 bows were moist. 
 
 16 Nevertheless he made an assem- 
 blage of them over against the mount 
 of Proclamation ; and these are the 
 names of his host, and the number of 
 his banners, whom he marshalled by 
 the mount of Proclamation the day 
 that he went forth to make war upon 
 the man whose name is as ebony. 
 
 17 Now behold the lour beasts were 
 
 • MacTi-y Xajilfr. Writer of the Sipnot, Keeper of the Writer's Library: mid Kdilor of tlie 
 EtlinOurgh /.'m'ric ufliT Jelln y, and Professor of C'oiiveyuneiiijr in the I'liiveisity of Kdiii- 
 biinrh. lie iiliku L-dlliU llie ik-veiilli e<lilioD of the UncyclojiaJiu JJrittiititicti. He died ill 
 1S4T.— M. 
 
 + \ writer of iwjiiie norllu-rri Imlliida iind aiiti<niltleB, now forfrotten. — M. 
 
 : 1'liU ua« Mr. I'ntriok Nelll. who lived )>y Canoniiiiirs Lueh. long since drained. — M, 
 
 f llf wad a jirlnli r, and a preat arbori- and hortl-eullurisl. — M.
 
 THK CHAT-DKE MANUSCItlPT. 
 
 XX\) 
 
 'n the first Imml, yot thoy trembled, 
 aiul dosiied act to be iu the front of 
 tJiu liusl. 
 
 18 And in the second l}aiid was one 
 which tcachcth in the schools of the 
 yoiuig men, and he was clad in graj' 
 garment whereof one-half his wife had 
 weaved.* 
 
 1!) Also, Samuel, a vain young man, 
 and a simple, which sittetli iu the 
 King's Coiii-ts.-j- and is a tool without 
 edge in the hands of the oppressors. 
 
 20 Also, Jolm,:j; the brother of James, 
 which is a man of low stature, and 
 giveth out merry things, and is a lover 
 of faijles from his youth up. 
 
 21 Also, James, the young man which 
 cometh out of the west; country, which 
 feareth Uod, and hateth all manner of 
 usur}'-;^ who balibleth of many things, 
 and nibbletii the shoe-latchets of the 
 mighty; one which darkeueth counsel 
 with the nndtiplying of vain words; 
 
 'li To whose sayings no man taketh 
 heed. 
 
 23 And in the third band were a 
 grave man, ever George, the chief of 
 the synagogue, a [)rincipal man,|| yea, 
 tiie leader of the doctors, whose beard 
 reaclieth down unto his girdle; 
 
 21 And one David, which dwelleth at 
 tjie corner as thou goest up to the 
 place of the old prison-house, which 
 talketh touching all manner of pic- 
 tures and graven images;** and he came 
 with a feather ou his head. 
 
 25 And Andrew the chief physician, 
 and Andrew his son,f| who is a smooth 
 man, and one which handl(;th all wind 
 instrmnent.s, and boweth himself down 
 continuall}^ before the horn wliich is 
 in the forehead of the man which is 
 crafty, and worshippeth it. 
 
 2G With James, the baker of sweet- 
 breads, J:}: which weareth a green mantle, 
 wiiich iniial)iteth the dwelling of the 
 noble.s, and delighteth in the tongue 
 of tlie strange raau. 
 
 27 And Peter, wlio raileth at hi3 
 master. 
 
 28 And in tlie fourth band I saw the 
 face of Samuel, §§ which is a mason, who 
 is clothed in gorgeous apparel, and his 
 face was as the face of the moon shin- 
 ing in the north-west. 
 
 29 The number of his bands was 
 fom- ; and in the first band there were 
 the four beasts, 
 
 30 .\nd in the second band there 
 were nine men of war, and in the third 
 six, and in the fourth ten. 
 
 31 And the number of the bands 
 v/as four: and the number of them 
 which w'cre in the bands was twenty 
 and nine; and the man which was 
 crafty commanded them. 
 
 32 And the screaming bird sat upon 
 his shoulder. 
 
 33 And there followed him many 
 women which know not their right 
 hand from the left, also some cattle. 
 
 34 And John the brother of Francis, 1 11 
 
 * Jamc-s Gray, one of the iiiastcTS of the High School, Edinburgh. He was a fine linguist, and 
 n great I'lii-nd of llngg's. — M. 
 
 t A cou.siri of I'nifessor WiIson\s, and at this time one of the Crown Counsel. — M. 
 
 t .Ii;hn Ballantyne, brother of James, one of Sir Walter Scott's familiars, and commonly called 
 ICiffdum fumiido'. hy liiiii. — M. 
 
 § The author of a iiainphlet iu defence of usuiy. and of a reply to Malthus. — M. 
 
 1 Tlie rtev. Dr. Georire Baird, ther priiidpal of the University of Edinbiirirh. — M. 
 
 ** David r>rid:.'es. a clothier on the HifrL Strset, Edinburi;h, ne.ar the prison, connoisseur in the 
 Fine Arts, and owner of many clioice pictures. He is duly houcired iu Peter'^s Letters to his 
 Kinsfolk.— U. 
 
 +t The two Andrew Duncans, father and son, were eminent physicians in Edinburgh at this 
 time. Tlie younger was author or comiiiler of "The Edinburgn Disjiensator^'." — M. 
 
 XX .lames IJaxter. Esq. — M. " 
 
 g§ This was Samuel Anderson, high among the Freemasons of Scotland. He w.as a wine-mer- 
 I haiit, but in Brousham's Chancellorship.' received the lucrative appointment of Registrar of tho 
 Knglisli ("duri of Chancery. He ligures in " The ^foctes," i.» one of North's guests. — M. 
 
 U John JeH'rey, yoi''~ii.'i- biother of the critic. — M.
 
 XX xn 
 
 HISTORY OF BLACKWOOD 8 MAGAZINE. 
 
 and Uio ninn wtiicli oflerod Consoln- 
 tioo to U)tf miOi which is crufty.* 
 
 'ib AIjo »evcn yomig men, whereof 
 Du uuiu i-uuM u*ll by what uuuie tlit-v 
 wi- ■ !,f ' 
 
 N \<"n T wiw them till g:>th- 
 er i; Ufa 
 
 U . s bulh 
 
 many lu his hoi>t, yet thiuk I that 
 Matrcvly will tliesv be found suilioient 
 aiptiiiiit thfiu which are iu tlie gates of 
 the mail who is eioUied iu plaiu ap- 
 parel 
 
 37 And I llioiiglit of the vision of 
 th« nuin whielt was elotlied in dark 
 RamteulA, and of the leopard, and the 
 lynx, and tlie soorpiou, and tho englc, 
 and the great buar of Lebauon, and 
 tl, 
 
 -tork, and tho hyana, and 
 
 the beagle, and all the mighty crea- 
 tures w Inch are witliin the gates of the 
 man in plain apparel. 
 
 39 Vtrily, the man wliich is crafty 
 shall be defeated, and there shall not 
 escape one to tell of his overlhiow. 
 
 40 And while 1 was yet speaking, 
 the hosts drew near, and tlie city was 
 moved ;J and my spirit failed within 
 me, and I was sore afraid, and I turned 
 to escape away. 
 
 41 And he that was like unto the 
 messenger of a king, said unto me. Cry. 
 And I said, What shall 1 cry? lor tho 
 day of vengeance is come upon ail 
 tiiose that Tided the nations with a rod 
 of iron. 
 
 4'J And I fled into an inner chani 
 ber to hide myself and 1 lieard a great 
 tumult, but 1 wist not what it was. 
 
 • The KrT. Will. Gillc-epio niis Uie uiitbur of "Consolation," and other poi-uis, publi&hc-d in 
 
 leii— M. 
 
 t N-'ImmIj knc-w who '•Ihf st'Vcn young inou" were. They are often mentioned throutrh tlie 
 MJi-szine, and »l "The Nootes," Imt there !s no clue to their Identity — if any. — M. 
 } Tho Tori'.a undi-r Ulv:k»o<Hl and the Wliiys under Constable go together by the eure.— M.
 
 Cluni^toplicji* in tlic ^cut. 
 
 No. I.— AUGUST, 1810. 
 
 Wb have just returned from the Moors ;* and as many erroneous 
 reports of our proceedings must doubtlessly have l)een put inio cir- 
 culation, we do not see how we can do better than fill our lust sheet 
 With an account of our shooting excursion. Sir John Sinclair re- 
 marks, that he has a more numerous family than generally falls to 
 the lot of literary men.f Now, though we can boast of no such 
 achievements, being to a man bachelors, yet we really believe that 
 for literati we are most extraordinary shots — and we hereby chal- 
 lenge all Scotland for a dinner at Young's, and a hundred pounds to 
 the erection of the National Monument.| 
 
 Immediately after the publication of our last number, an unusual 
 stir and bustle was observable among the members of our conclave. 
 At our monthly dinner at Ambrose's, the con\crsati()n could not be 
 confnit;d within its wonted chainud — and a continual tire was kept up, 
 blazing away right and left, much to the astonibhment of our worthy 
 
 • The first part of this article, entituled "The true and authentic Account of the Twelfth ol 
 August, H19,"' was the concluding paper in No. XXXIX ot Blackwood's Magazine. It is cu- 
 rious to find how early Wilson took up the idea (c irried nut to the last in his " Dies Boreales, 
 or Christopher under Canvas"'; of holding colloquies in a 'rent. It may be necessary to add. in 
 explanation of a particular day and month l.eing singled out, that by the British game laws, 
 grouse shooting does not commence until the l:*th August, partridge shooting on 1st Septem- 
 ber, and pheasant shooting on the 1st October, in each yenr. — M. 
 
 t Sir John Sinclair, the greatest rural economist, jierhap.s (because the raoct practical), that 
 Great Britain can boast of, was partly author and wholly eiiitor of the Statistical Account of 
 Scotland, the most minute account of a Kini;dom ever published. His writings on agricultural 
 and financial science, extending over sixty years (he died, aged .-j-j.in ltf3.)l. were distinguished 
 for tlieii good sense His family wa.s numerous — thirteen children sraviving liim. In his 
 Hints on ijongevity. he mentions one fact as the result of his in.juiries among aged p.^ojile — 
 th,Tt whether they went to bed sober or drunk, at early even-tide, or long jiast tlie small hours, 
 all the long-lived persons whom he knew, male or female, had invariably been early risers — .M. 
 
 1 Young's Tavern, in High-street, Edinburgh. The locale was by no means a pleasant ones 
 but mo.-t of the young wits of the city, including the Society called the 1'ileu.anti. used to 
 frequent it. The Dilettanti, in loll), had John Wilson for their jiresident. and among the 
 members were Allan, Schetky, Nichol.<on and Baxter, artists; Lockiiart, I'eler ll^jberlson. now a 
 S.:ottish Judge, and many more, then in early manhood, who have since attained eminence, 
 '^'oun^'s was such a small, smoky, dingy place, that it was commonly called '-TheOoliin- 
 lioia.'' Lockhart denounced it. in " I'elers' Letters," as " situated in one of the filthiest closes 
 in the city of Edinburgli,'' where visitors had to " brave with heroic cournge the risk of an 
 iiupure baptism from the neighboring windows." What is called the Xational .Monumenl 
 siandson Calton Hill, Kdinburgh, and is an unfortunate attempt to imitate the Parthenon of 
 Alliens It is unfinished. The part erected consists of thirteen columns, on the west side, each 
 ol which cost £l.i)lit). They were put up between iriii and l-'SI), and are not deficient In pic- 
 luresque grae. The object of the monument was to commemorate those Scolcliiiieu wio .ViJ 
 tiUen in baiile during the war with Napoleon. — .\I. 
 
 Vol. I.— 3
 
 9 CnRISTOriTER IN TITE TENT. 
 
 puhlisher, who generally praoos by his presence ihise our lunar 
 orj^it-s. Not a won! wai littered about "Artieles." Don Juan was 
 (for Uie time) silently sent to the devil* — cok\ water was thrown in 
 a ' t on all the I*ike Poets — and a motion was put from tho 
 
 el: I i nirried by aeclamation, that the first man who smelt of the 
 shop should undergo a tumbler of salt and small beer. Ambrose 
 «as astonished ! ! ! 
 
 Abt>ut inidni<rht it was decided, that a letter should be written by 
 ihe editor to Lord Fife.f requesting a week's shoot injj; for himself and 
 the eijiht prineipal supporters of Blackwood's Mairazine, with permis- 
 sion to pit.h a Tent on the Twelfth <»n his Lordship's moors, at the 
 head of the Dee, As from his Lordship's well-known liberality, no 
 doubt could be fi-lt on that seore, it was resolved, that we sho\iId all 
 meet on the evming of the 11th at Braemar, whither our t'Mit and 
 assistants should be sent a day or two previ<ius, that all might be in 
 eood order on our arrival. A letter was also written to Dr. Peter 
 Morris of Abi-rystwith, and Mr. Jarvie, Saltmarket, Glasgow, order- 
 in-^ their atUiiiiauce.J 
 
 Tor the next fortnight, all was preparation. If a Contributoi- 
 showed his face in No. 17, Prince's Street,! it ^^'^^ ^'"^ ''"' '-^ moment, 
 and "with a short uneasy motion," that proved " he had no business 
 thL're." Our visits were indeed like those of angels, " few and far 
 b«'tween." Before the end of the month, Mr. Wastle entered the 
 «hoj>, like an apj)arition, in a pair of old buckskin breechi's furbished 
 up for the iionee — kathor gaiters, in which his spindle-shanks looked 
 |»eculiarly gentlemanly — and a jean jacket, with pockets "number 
 without nunibcr," and of all sizes — the main inside one, like the 
 mouth of a sack, and cunningly intended to stow away roe or the 
 young of the red deer. Tickler was excellent. A man of six feet 
 
 •The two opening cantos of Don Juan, ■which did "fright the isle from its propriety." ap- 
 peared in Juir, l-l'J Murray, who had purcha.'<ed them, was afraid to let his name appear oa 
 Ui« liilr-i'iee. ** puhlither, and only the primer's name (" Thomas Davison, Wlutefriars') wai 
 pis ' ■ n — M. 
 
 '.{. Karl of Fife, was a wealthy man in ISIO, with vast landed estates, in the Scot- 
 t»i. -, -■ ■ uf Kanlf, Miiray, and Aberdeen. His principal residence (fur he had several, in- 
 cluding two casUe>) wa^ Dutf House, near the town of Uanlf. only part of which is built, on a 
 pUo (uipiied by lni|;oJone> 1/ord Fife served with distinction in the Peninsular War, and is 
 a general in the >panish army, as well as a grandee of Spain. At one time lie was un most 
 intimile terms with <jeor:;e IV., to whom he lent va.st sums, which have never been repaid 
 The f«ult of thi>, and of extravaeant expenditure on handsome ballet-danners of the opera- 
 h>>u>r. Kt nearly ruined hiin, thai he had to retire from hijjh life, to place hi.s estates in the 
 hanJi "f iru>tfe« vm paviiirnt of his debisi. and to live on Xt,tM)(). which they allow him. The 
 Iruttret hare J< »e M;vrr;,i liir.h things in his name, one of the most notorious being their illegal 
 caj>iion ol (hr ..r.;;inal j.orirait of Charles the l-'irst painted by Vnla>quez. at .Madrid, in lli'i^i, 
 whicu formerly belonged to the Karl's father, and had been purchased at a sale by .\lr. Snire, 
 a book.ellt-r in Heading The Scollish judges declared that the picture belonged to Mr. ."'iiire, 
 *'' It to New Vurlc. in l^'i. where it now is. All through Blackwood Lord Kile il 
 
 *» ■ Ihane ■' The source of the Dee (a river famous for its salmon, which runs into l.'ie 
 
 •e- -y of Aberdeen I is near .Mar Lodge, on Lord Fife's property.— M. 
 
 J l»r .Morrii was llie p^.•udo■ writer of •' IVtei's Letters to his Kinsfolk" (Lockharl's Satire on 
 the Whii;i of K'linburfli and Ulasgow). and Mr Jarvie (.a pretended grandson of Jliilie Niool 
 '»"'•• of ■• Hob Itoy") hid written some sarcastic letters to iMaga, &k if from Glasgow. — M. 
 
 II Blkckwcs-d'sihop, where .Maga was then jiublished. — M.
 
 TICKLER — nOOO ODOIIERTT. 3 
 
 and a half looks ■well in around blue jacket — and if to that you 
 add a white waistcoat with a red spot — a large shirt-rufile — corduroy 
 breeches very short at the knees — grey worsted stockings of the sori" 
 in Scotland called " rig and fui"," and laced quarter boots, you un- 
 nuestionahlv have before vou the figure of a iinished Contributor.* 
 The Ettrick Shepherd condescended to show himself in the shop only 
 once between the 20th of last month and the Gth of August, on which 
 occasion, he was arrayed in white raiment from top to toe — his hat 
 being made of partridge feathers, and his shoes of untanned leather. 
 lie was accompanied by a coujile of very alarming animals, not un- 
 apparcntly of the canine race — one of which commenced an imme- 
 diate attack on an old harmless Advertiser, while the other began 
 rather unadvisedly to worry the Scotsmanf — the consequence of 
 which, as was foreseen, has been hydrophobia, and the brute is now 
 chained up. IMr. Odoherty alone went in his usual way — and could 
 not help smiling at the Editor, who came strutting into the front shop 
 as boldly as his rheumatism would permit, with a dog- whip looking 
 out of his pocket, and a call hung round his neck like a boatswain's 
 whistle.J As after a few minutes' confubulation with Ebony, he hob- 
 bled off with Daniel's Rural Sports ])eneath his arm, — it is under- 
 stood, that Odoherty applied for his situation, alleging that the man 
 would be for ever spoiled as an editor by the moimtain-dew of Brae- 
 mar — and that it was indeed the Edinburgh Review to Constable's 
 Magazine, or Lord Bacon to Macvey Napier, that he would not 
 " come to time." But it would be quite endless to describe the ap- 
 pearance of each man in the regiment, before we entered on actual 
 service — so suffice it to say, that it is now the evening of the 11th of 
 August, and that our arrival is anxiously expected at the Inn of 
 Braemar.|| 
 
 • Wi!lia,m Wastle, of that Ilk (which means " Wastle of Wastle"). was siii)plying Maga at 
 this time with a satirical an J dn omnibus rebux poem, called " The MaJ Banker of Amster- 
 d;iin," in tlie Don Juan metre. In the second of "'Peter's Letters'' he is noticed very fully as a 
 living person, with close descriptions of his dress, features, and habits, but was only a creation 
 of the brain — one of the many mystifications of Blackwood's Magazine. He is supposed to 
 have represented Lockhart. Timothy Tickler was an Edinburgh lawyer, named Sym, and 
 was lVofes.--or WiKson's maternal uncle. 
 
 ■friie i'^cotsinan. then edited by .1. R. McCulloch (the political economist and Edinburgh 
 reviewer, who contended tlial Absenteeism wa.s ho( injurious to the country whence it drew 
 immense rents, inasmuch as it did not matter ivhere the money was sjienl, so that it w?s dis- 
 bursed somewhere 1) was a newspaper, which was assumed to be the organ of the whig party 
 in Kdinburgh. It was heavy, but clever, at that time, and much ridiculed in ilaga. — .M. 
 
 {Ensign and Adjutant .Morgan Odoherty was the well-known Dr. Wiliiam iVla^inn, v,'hc 
 contributed largely to Blackwood, from 1^-18 to 183U, and from that time to his death, in Hi-2. 
 was the leading contributor to Fra.-er"s Magazine. He was introduced to the Tent by antici- 
 pation, as he did noi visit Scotland until June, 18'21. Maginn was one of the most versatil* 
 and fertile writers of modern times. — .M. 
 
 li Hraemiir is a village in Aberdeen-shire, not far from Loch-na-gar. the mountain celebrated 
 by Byron, in his earliest and his latest poems — Hours of Idleness and Doji Juan. He describes 
 it (erroneously) as '• the highest mountain, perhaps, in Great Britain," and \%ith eternal snow 
 upon its summit. In ls:Jr>-':5;j I ascended this mountain repivatedly, andsaw no snow. On tne 
 EUiumit is a sjjri ns of ice-cold water. On a clear day, from this height, ni.'^ v bo seen the waters 
 o*" tl.e Atlantic on the west, and of the German Ocean on the east, from th-3 source of the Dee 
 the i.soent is dilHcult at.d tedious ; but so gradual is the sl'-pe from the summit to Braemar that 
 a Dciiv can easily ride it. In this manner Queen Victoria, whcse seat of Balmoral is adja- 
 cent, reached the top of Loch-na-gar, in 1353. — M. .
 
 CIlKISTOnrER IN THE TENT. 
 
 Notwithstaniling our rheumatism, we arrived first at the place of 
 rer.ilozvc.us, huvi.i- -one direct to A1)erdeeii on the top ot the mail, 
 and Ihenee, on the diekv of a friend's rhariut, to Pannanich Wells, 
 from which we eont rived to pad the lioof to Braemar, attended by 
 our old biteh, than which a belter never was shut over, but which we 
 now took with us rhieflv for companionship-sake. We did not en- 
 cumber ourselves with a gun, trusting to Mr. Kempferhauscn being 
 soon knocked up, and being besides, under the necessity, on the 
 twelfth, of K.oking over our " Contributors' Box," which Mr. W astle 
 was good L-noiigh to j.romise to bring in his dog-cart. We had just 
 dined and finished half a mutchkin of whisky-toddy, when, looking 
 out of the window, we beheld beneath us the Ettrick Shepherd, 
 mounted on a tall brown horse with four white feet, and a counte- 
 nance equallv so, who, on our throwing up the window, turned up 
 his large wall-eyes, with a placid expression, that showed at once he 
 was a^steed quite above starting at trifles. The Poet's dog, some- 
 thins between a Newfoundland and a colley, was not equally pacific — 
 but went to work on an old turnspit belonging to the house, which 
 was with difficulty rescued from his jaws. 
 
 During this temporary disturbance the sound of wheels was heard, 
 and the Shepherd, running to the gabel-end of the house, exclaimed, 
 "A Morris! A Morris!" and there, in good truth, was the worthy 
 Doctor in hisshamlrydan, with his man John, both looking extremely 
 well, and formidably appointed.* The clock in the kitchen struck 
 six. " Wastlc wilfbe here in tin minutes," ipioth the Doctor, "if 
 he be a man of his word, as I trow he is." While he spake the sound 
 of a bugle-horn was heard, and in a few minutes up drove Wa.stle, in 
 high style, in his dog-cart, tandemwise, and making a sweep round 
 the court, he pulled up at the hall-door to an inch. We want nothing 
 Dut Tickler and Odoherty, cried the Shepherd ; and, extraordinary as 
 it may seem, it is nevertheless true, that the words were scarcely out 
 of his mouth, when Tickler rose up before us, on a pony under twelve 
 liands, so that he absolutely seemed as if he had been mounted on a 
 velocipede. Behind him came the Standard-bearer, on a white horse, 
 once the f>roperty of Marshal Soult, but which fell into the Adju- 
 tant's hands on the evening of Albucra's bloody day. lie came into 
 the court-yard, side foremost, under the insidious left heel of his 
 heroic master ; and when Odoherty dismounted, it is impossible to 
 tell what life and spirit was struck into the scene and company 
 around t'rom the clanging of his fixed spurs. No symptoms yet of 
 Kenipfeihauscii,f Mullion, and Bailie Jarvie, who were to travel to- 
 
 • Dr. Morrii'i •ha.ndrydan wa» a high fvo-wheelod gig, Jrawn by a single horjc, and wi-h a 
 teat for two Pomona — M. 
 
 t Kfrr])f«!riia<i'>eti wa* the name assumed by a contributor who wrote letters from the [,nkri>, 
 Jricriptue of Wordnworti' apd ijouthey. Robtil I'earce iiillies. whose poem of Ch.ldo A'lirmne 
 i Uiained more attention than laie, in lkl3, V'n Ini au'upr efllirze Qerraanico! atid Hu-u. Uaiii-
 
 TIIR AiiiilVAL. 5 
 
 gether iu a janntiiig car of tlic Bailie's, which had been left on his 
 hands by an Irish iit'iitleman from Belfast, a deale" in linens, in part 
 payment of a bad debt. The Shepherd laughed at the idea of expect- 
 ing them for several days-— as "give Kem[if''rhausen his pipe," said 
 he, "and the ither twa their plotty,* and deevil an inch will they 
 budge frae the fn-st change-house they speer at in the Highlands." 
 
 However, here were we assembled in great force — Editor, Wastle, 
 Morris, Tickler, Ettrick Shepherd, and Odoherty. As we perceived 
 that only the hrst of these gentlemen had dined, we kept our thumb 
 on that circumstance, and Joined the dimn>r-parly as if iiuthing had 
 happened, being indeed, in spite of a weakish constitution and con- 
 firmed rheumatism, a sure card on such occasions. A gal!on of 
 hodge-podge — the turkey-cock roasted — five or six dozen of poached 
 eggs — and some chops of rather a problematical character (thi>ugh 
 we shrewdly suspect them to have been ]K)rk, in direct o|)position to 
 Odoherty, who swore they were bull-beef) assuaged the fames, or 
 rather rabies edendi — and by eight o'clock we were ready to start 
 for the Linn of Dee,f near which our Tent had, as we were informed, 
 already been pitched for two days, through the accustomed kindness 
 of the Thane, who had ordered his steward, ]\lr, llai'den, to get it up 
 with all suitable accommodations. 
 
 As, with Wastle's and IMorris' servants, we were only eight in all, 
 dog-cart and shandrydan took us up, out, and in, very comlbrtably, 
 and with room to spare ; and, as the nags were in high condition, we 
 made the tent under the hour, being received with three hearty 
 cheers, and " the clans are coming." from a pair of bagpipes, whose 
 drones were assuredly far from idle ones. We returned the cheers 
 with spirit, and Wastle, who plays the bugle in a way worthy of the 
 late Leander himself, with a sudden blast startled the grouse and the 
 red deer through all the mountains and forests of Mar. 
 
 We found our Tent pitched on a smooth greensward, that looked 
 as if it had been artificially formed among tlxe tall heather that 
 encircled it. It was placed on the confluence of several valleys, so 
 that on whatever side the canvas was raised, we had before our eyes 
 a lonjT reach of the most mniinificent mountain scenery. The clear 
 
 cae in Maga, which first made Eni^lanJ and America acquainted with the Jramatic writers of 
 Germany and Scandinavia. He was a great .sonnet-wriler, and had the honor of havinjr a sou- 
 net specially addressed to him by Wordswoith. in Icll. He was the first editor of the Foreign 
 i^uarterly Review {comiimnced in 18'i7). wrote Ri'collpctions of Sir Walter iScott ir. Fraser'a 
 Waca-zine, ls;35-'3(;, and published his K^wn MeLiioir.s of a Literary Veteran in IS.Il. — M. 
 
 * i'lotty is muiled. or rather burnt port wine, dcieclabic (as a night-cap) in the cu'A niulits 
 of winter. Claret, so treated, is not a bad ^ubs'.itiite, but a double dose of it is requi^-ire. — ^l. 
 
 t The Linn of Deo is a deep circular cavity in the hard black rock into whicl; llje wot.orifall, 
 from tlie source, and whirl lound and round — a miniature maelstrom. Much if Bj.'osi's child- 
 hood was p.n^.-^ed closf to this, and, while yet a very young boy, he used to lie in tlie .=.vin, on Iho 
 Bleep bank which slopnj down to the Linn. On one occa-sion he rolled down th.M slope, to the 
 horror of the hand-maiden who attended him, and expected to see him killed in "the bell of 
 waters" far be-low ; but a small stirub caught his dress as he was passing, r>!id saved liiai. 
 Tub shrub remains — Mlien I saw it, a tree would have be^n the belter name. — M.
 
 6 rilRISTOPITER IN THE TEXT. 
 
 yrntors of the Deo inurmureJ not twenty yards olf — and one of those 
 little springs, so pleasant to the Shepherd, welled out from its hillock 
 vet closer to the tent. IK-re we found that exeellent fisher Walter 
 Ijitihii- iTv.ni l\'i-l.k-s, and that trusty e^iddy .foliii Mackay. Frederick 
 Street, Ediiiliurgh, who had escorted the Adjutant's tent, and many 
 f!t o^teras, in an old bafr<:ii<rc-waj:on purchased at Jock's Lodge, on 
 the d<'prtrture of the Eniiiskilleii Dragoons, and made as good as new 
 Mt the magical coach-yard of C'richton.* With Walter and .lohn we 
 were now ten in number, while the Thane's three kilted gillies and 
 John of Sky. f whom the Miohtv >riN8TKEL had kindly sent to enliven 
 our festivities, made precisely the devil's dozen. 
 
 "I laud mora," there was no delay. The shandrydan and dog- 
 cart were emptied in a trice, and we ourselves were particularly 
 anxious to see "The Contrilmtors' Box" safely stowed away among 
 our own furniture. Busy as we all were, each with his owa concerns, 
 none of us could help smiling at the Ettrick Shepherd, who imme- 
 diately, on entering the Tent, had got astride on a pretty corpulent 
 cask itf whisky, and was filling a jug on which ho had instinctively 
 laid his hands. "It's no canny to sleep here a' nicht for fear of the 
 fairies without sainingj ourselves, so we'll e'en pit round the jug, 
 and |iour out a dra|ipoch[| to King Lu !" In a short time the Tent 
 was in fair array — while Odoherty proposed that we should see that 
 our pieces M'ere all in good order, and to ascertain their comparative 
 excellenee, and the skill of the owners, that we should lire at a mark.- 
 We accordingly assembled our forces for that purpose. 
 
 By some accident or other which will probably never be explained, 
 a co|»y of the last part of tin- Transactions of the Koyal Society was 
 found IvinjT in the tent. Whether ^Vastle had brought it in his 
 
 dog-cart but the thing is inexplicable, so let it pass. The volume 
 
 was ojiened by chance somewhere about the miildle, and set up at 
 forty yards' distance to be fired at by the contributors. The follow- 
 ing scale will show tiie result of the trial. 
 
 • Ritchie ha* been repeatedly mentioned in Wilson's writings. The caddies are a rare 
 peculiar to Hdinburch. coming I'rom llie wiiJs of Lochaht^r .-ind Braemar, wlnrnce the stork i« 
 rn-inforced. They are dying out. but, even as late a.s twenty years ago, were the only tru-sted 
 and reco;;nized ineiisage-bearer8 in Auld Ueekio knowing every man. woman, and child there. — 
 *v*ry Ktreet, lane, and cloce, — every shop, house, and staircase. Mackay, above mentioned, 
 •»n» a real peritonage. and mightily elevaiel of murse. by this notice in lilackwoud. In 
 '• |Vtrr"» I.etleni." l.ockl.art has done full justice to the c.'tddies. — jM. 
 
 I .!i/hn of .Sky wa» a tall and st'jlw,art bag-piper, wh" formed one of Scott's household at 
 AblH>i»'^t/rd. Ut» name w.^^ John iiruce. and aitired in 'ull Highland costume, he used to p!,av 
 oil the pijien, ^t.llklng up and down in frmt of the hou.si!, when Scott gave a set dinner, coming 
 in HI ibe cio»«, to receive a qiiaiah (or Celtic wooJen drinking vessel) of Glenlivet from Scou's 
 hand Saluting the company, he would diink off the contents, about a quarier-pint of stron^r 
 raw >| iritx. al a gulp, without moving a muscle of his f.ice, and resume his out-ol-Jooi 
 Ii.t.r<x;h». which he --i .iiinued until after twilight had set in. — M. 
 
 } l!lr»»ing ourf"lves. — Dr. Jamieson. 
 
 II A>' drii/j-ir -ncaoi & little drop, it is probable that the Shepherd's drajipucK hao a hkc 
 *i^n;lirat.<<n. — .%L
 
 SNOKTNO 
 
 t 
 
 Drial on the 11 th at 40 yards' distavcf, all shooting with No. 4, at an expandtd 
 volume o/ the Tranxacliona of the Royal Society. 
 
 Wastle, 
 
 Tickler, 
 
 Morris, 
 
 Odoherty, 
 
 Ettrick Shepherd, 
 Editor, 
 
 Wa.l.lin^'. 
 
 Shot. 
 (Iz, 
 
 flraiiiH i)\lt ill. 
 
 Loaves picrccil 
 
 Hat. 
 
 U 
 
 78 
 
 40 
 
 Ciird. 
 
 If 
 
 65 
 
 30 
 
 Unknown. 
 
 U 
 
 65 
 
 32 
 
 Hat. 
 
 1| 
 
 30 
 
 25 
 
 Wool. 
 
 4 
 
 
 
 
 
 MSS. Article. 
 
 2 
 
 20 
 
 90 
 
 A veiy rcmarkaljle phenomenon, and one well worthy the atten- 
 tion of the Ro} al Society, was observed on this occasion. While the 
 left hand page, 372, was riddled to pieces, — the right hand page did 
 not exhibit a single shot. The cause of this, we who are no philoso- 
 phers are not al)le to explain ; but such is the fact ; and on the page 
 thus miraculously unhurt, were written the following words, " an 
 Essay on the Scope and Tendency of the Philosophical Writings of 
 Lord Bacon, by Macvey Napier, Esq." Such im|)enetrable stuff 
 was it proved to be.* 
 
 By this time it had become rather darkish, and John of the Isles 
 began playing so sleepy an air, that it reminded us of the house of 
 rest. In about an hour we were all fourteen stretched upon our 
 backs with our feet meeting, in the true campaign fashion, in the 
 centre of the tent. The last observation that was uttered came from 
 Dr. Morris, who lamented much that Kempf'crhauseii had n<jt ari'ived, 
 as the moon would soon rise, and the young poet might have had an 
 opportunity of addressing a sonnet to her in High Dutch. Wastle 
 indistinctly muttered something in reply, for the hand of Morpheus 
 was passing over his mouth. For our own part, we were unable to 
 close an eye, thinking of the ]\fagazine, for, when we left Edinburgh, 
 only two half-sheets had gone to press, and Mr. Blackwood looked 
 unutterable things. 
 
 While considering what ought to be the opening article, such a 
 noise arose as might have passed in America, for a frog concert. 
 What a snore! not one of the fourteen noses, Lowland or Highland, 
 Scotch, Irish, or Welsh, lay idle. The sp.m total was tremendous. 
 By decrees our ears cot somewhat accustomed to the pound, and we 
 could distinguish the characteristic snore of every sleeper. Above 
 all the menial and plebeian rhoncus rose the clear silver-nosed 
 trumpet of Tickler, playing its bold reveille — there was heard the 
 equable, bjt not monotonous, and most gentlemanly snore of Wastie 
 
 • Macvey ^fapifir. who edited th? Encyclopedia Britannica, F.nd succeeded JeTl'rey as conductor 
 of ll;e Kjiiibur;;h Review, in ISdi). was also one oi llie princi);'.'.! cierlcsol li;i; i'coiti.^h Ci.urt 
 of Session, and I'rofessor of Conveyancinij in Edinburfjh University. H^ had perpeiraied an 
 aiticleon Lord Bacon, wliich tlie lilackwood writers ereatly ridiculed. H?. was a very decided 
 Whiir. — which may account for these Tory sneers. .V;acvcy latterly occupied the house 39 
 North Cast'e-strcet, Edinburgh, in which Scolt lived, from ITUd to July, IS'iO, and died in 
 1H-17.-M
 
 8 CIIKISTOrilER DT THE TENT. 
 
 — Dr. Morris sjiored in such a niannor as he did mook himself, and 
 ever and aimn teased, as if lie were listeiiiii;^, and then after a little 
 uncertain snifflinjr as if tuning his instrument to conocrt-piteh, broke 
 out airain into full ptissession of his jiowers — Odoherty betrayed a 
 good (U-al of the nasal brogue of his country, for sleeping or waking; 
 the Adjutant is a true Milesian, snoring by fits and starts in a hurried 
 and imjiassioned nianner like a man dreaming of Feuntes D'Onoro 
 or Donnybrook Fair* — whih', from tiie breast, neek, shoulders, head 
 and nose of the Ettriek Shepherd eame a deep, hollow, grunting- 
 gmwl, like that of the royal tiger, so admirably described by Lady 
 II. in the last number of the Literary and Seieiitifie Journal. When 
 this had lasted for a couple of hours, sometimes one perfor/ner lead- 
 ing the band, and sometimes another, we felt that the drum of our 
 ear could bear it no longer — so we p; -ked our way out of the tent 
 over limbs of Celt and Saxon, and retired from the concert-room, to 
 hear the music " by distance made more sweet." Nearly half anii'e 
 off, we he^ird the 
 
 " Sulemn hum, 
 Voice of the desert uever ilumb," 
 
 and through its multitudinous murmur were distinctly audible the 
 majestic base of the author of the above lines, and the pure tenor of 
 Tiekh-r — the first resembling a subterranean grumble, and the latter 
 striking on the ear like the sound of iron against rock in a frost. 
 During all this time, the moon was sitting in Heaven, "apparent 
 queen," not with a stoical inditference, as Mr. Southey reports of her 
 on the night after Prince Madoc had defeated the ISIexicans, but 
 evidently much j)leascd with the scene below her — both with what 
 she saw and wliat slie heard. We shortly after returned to the Tent ; 
 and "joining at last the general troop of sleep," we no doubt added 
 one instrumental performer more to the grand chorus of this Mus"?a] 
 Festival. 
 
 We do not pretend to conceal the fact, tliat we felt ourselves 
 carried in a dream to the back shop, the sanctum sanctorum of No. 
 17 l*rince's Slreet ; and that we never thought Mr. Blackwood so 
 beautiful as in that vision. But just as he had given us a proof to 
 coirect, it seemed as if the roof had fallen in and crushed us in the 
 ruins. We awoke — and fonnd that Odoherty had fired the morning- 
 giiu, its a signal. We buckled on our armor in less than no time, 
 and the adjutant was pleased to say, that he had never seen Jiien 
 bliarper at an alarm through the whole course of the Penin-ular war. 
 " No fear lest breakfast cool" — for in ten minutes each man haJ 
 
 • •' Who e"i;r \i\> tlie luci: to see Pnnnybrook Fair, 
 An lrl^hrll.1ll nil in hi!' yl'TV is l'ii:r''. 
 
 Wnii hU Biitig ol litiiileiah and nhamroclc so green." -M.
 
 RETROSPECTION. 9 
 
 housed half a pound at least of mutton-ham, and a dash of the dew. 
 Early as the hour was, there was nothing like squoaniishness — and it 
 must not be omitted, that each Contributor, like a good soldier and 
 good citizen, after an appropriate address by Odoherty, en^ptied his 
 qiiech to the health of the Prince Kegcnt.* 
 
 Dr, Morris, Wastle, and Odoherty, each attended by a Highland 
 guide, provided for them, as we have said, by the munificence of the 
 Thane, took their departure to the mountains ; the Dr. ascending the 
 pass of the Geonly Water, with a view to the ground towards the 
 head of Glen Tilt, — Wastle taking up the glen of the source of the 
 Dee, and the Adjutant meditating a cast or two with our own 
 favorite bitch, over the ground l)ehind Mar-Lodge. Tickler, who 
 had never seen a red Deer, went to the forest with John of the Isles, 
 and small Donald Dhu of Invercauld, having, ere he parted, fixed his 
 bayonet at the mouth of the tent. The Ettrick Shepherd, apparently 
 discouraged by his last night's discomfiture in shooting at the Trans- 
 actions, accompanied Walter Ritchie to the Dee, to try for a sahiion ; 
 while we ourselves, along with John !Mackay, remained at home in 
 the tent, to overhaul the " Contributors' Box," and if necessary, to 
 write a leading article. 
 
 Our friends were now all gone, and we were left alone in the 
 silence of the morning. Many years had elapsed, since our healtii 
 had permitted us to be among the mountains, though in our youth, 
 we could have " trodden the bent," with the best man in Scotland. 
 Our heart leapt within us, as we gazed on the sea of mountains, 
 emerging from the soft mists in which they had been shrouded during 
 the night. The wide and sunny silence was like the l)right atmosphere 
 of former days. And when the Eagle sailed away on his broad 
 vans, from that magnificent clift' above the Linn of Dee, we recol- 
 lected our own strength, which we once thought nothing could have 
 tamed; and wnch used to carry us, as on wings, nnweiiried and 
 exulting, over heights that we could now travel only in the drearn of 
 fancy. Here a twinge of the rheumatism made us seus,i!)ly feel the 
 truth of these reflections, and we hobbled into our tent with a sigh , 
 but the comfortable arrangement of the interior, and above, all the. 
 jolly cask of whisky, soon awakened us to a sense of the oxti'eiue 
 folly of repining retrospection, and wo could not help thinking, that 
 the Editor in his camp, had greatly the advantage over his Contribu- 
 tors, now out in all directions on foraging jiarties.j 
 
 * George, Prince of Wales, was Regent, from February, ISil 1, (when the ronfirmed madnsss of 
 George 111., was indisputable), until January, 1>2II, when he became Kin^. by Fticccbfioii.— .M. 
 
 t In Peter's Letters to lii.s Kinsfolk, we, the Kdilor. are spoken of as an obscure man, a iiiariyt 
 to rheumatism, and one who only draws pians, wliich others execute. That we ar« not so 
 luminous a body as Dr. .Morris, we admit — and that we are a martyr to rheumatism, is unfi>ru!- 
 nately true, in spite of tlie well-known skill of our townsman, Dr. Balfour — but we be,; li live 
 to contradict the illustrious Tiiysician of Aberystwith on the last charge. We both plan :iiril 
 execute — and flatter ourselves that there is a soiaetiiiug in our articles that betrays th.» h;m I
 
 Ifi cnRisTorirKE in tfie tent. 
 
 On opcniiifi the Box, it was found to bo rich in various matter — 
 and we amused ourselves for a couple of hours with an excellent 
 niticle on the National Monument — one on Bait-Fishiiiir — and an- 
 orluT "on the Mi'<li:iiiism nf the Foot and Leg.'"* While reading 
 the last, we heard the nuise of wings, and going to the mouth of the 
 tent, saw a numerous pack of grouse sit down close to the little 
 spring already mentioned. We are no poachers — but it must nut 
 be expected that a martyr to rheumatism is to be l)ound by the same 
 rules with spurti>men who have the free use of their limbs. We 
 accordingly took up Hogg's double barrel, and let (ly at the pack as 
 thev were all sittinji together in a snug familv-partv — and before 
 they could recover from their confusion, we repeated the salutation. 
 John Mackay went leisurely forward — and returned with five bracft 
 and a half vf as line young birds as might be looked at — and the old 
 cock. We maintain that no man is entitled to form an ojtinion of 
 our conduct in this, who has not sullered under confirmed rheumatism 
 for ten years at least, ur, which is as well, imder the gout for five.f 
 
 John Alaekay had scarcely got the birds hung up by the legs, when 
 we were considerably alarmed by loud shouts or yells from the 
 river si<le, which we knew to be from the Shejiherd — and running 
 down as expeditiously as our knee would permit, we found that the 
 IJai'd had hooked a Fish. There was he capering along the some- 
 what rugged h»anks of the Dee, with his hair on end, and his eyes 
 sticking out of his head, holding the butt-end of his rod with both 
 hands in perfect desperation. 
 
 " Fit statue for the court of fear 1" 
 
 Walter Ritchie ever and anon " his soul-subduing voice applied" 
 close to his ear, instructing him how to act in this imexpected 
 emergency ; and above all things, imploring him to get the better of 
 his fright ! Unluckily the Shcjtherd's reel-line was too short, so, to 
 prevent the sjilnion from running it out, he was under the necessity 
 of following him up close at the liecls. At every plunge the fish 
 
 »f lh« Eliitor. Dr. Morris, who haJ never seen us when he published his "Letters.'" has since 
 tpolnci^eJ l" us in thu hanilsomtst manner, botli for his unfi)unil«-l cliarje of oliscurily and 
 inciii'iicitv, but we wish aliiu tliat the world .should know it. We liear tli;it ^^everal other 
 p>-rMin». equuUy ii|inqii«; nx iMir.ielves. liavc taken it prievoii>ly to heRrt timt the Doctor has 
 o/eiliKii-rd them alt.'pi-ther, nnd attempt to carry their hea'ls very hif:h when his name is 
 liienliuoed. tiuch j.ef»uns iiiiy he said to beloni; to the llisli School. — See Gray"s lilegy, 
 •'And le-iv« the world to daikne«.sand to me." — 0. N. 
 
 • These articles actually did appear in the current No. of Blactwood. The fir.st stronply 
 urjjed that the Mippehted National Monument on Calton Hill, should consist o("a restoration of 
 tl^>- i'arihfnKn. The Kco.ind (rofeKedly written hy one I'eler McKinn. was a Eraphic account 
 cf & rutijox excun>;on in Ilunilrieshire. with reint.rks on bait-fishinfr. The third was a very 
 unusinK review of Dr. John CVuls's book On the iMechanisin and MotioiLs of the Human Leg 
 end Foot. — M. 
 
 t We h.\v« been so Ion;; nut of the sporting world that we scarcely know what the piiblii: 
 f.'-lin« If on subiecu of this kind. We remember an old ({enlleman lonf; n;;o. when we had a 
 fhovtinc box in Norlhaiiiptonsliire. who always shot h.ires siliin;;. on tlif jirinciple that ;l wua 
 m ft fi'flrii'l to ihvMjt them in tliat iiuuation ! Wo detpiho all such sophiiitry.— 0. N .
 
 HOGG AND THE SALMON. 1 1 
 
 made — at every rush he took, the Shepherd was fearfully agitated — 
 and floundered, stumbled, fell and recovered himself again ainong tlu 
 large round slippery stones, in a manner wondrous to Vjehold. For 
 a man of his years, his activity is prodigious. "Look there, Mr, 
 Editor ! There is a Lkading Article for you !" Scarcely had he 
 spoken, when the fish took a sullen fit, and sinking to the bottom, lay 
 there like a log, 
 
 " Rolled round in earth's diurnal course 
 With rocks and stones and trees 1" 
 
 The Shepherd seemed truly thankful for this short respite from 
 toil, and helping himself cautiously to a pinch of snutT, handed ovei 
 the mull* to us with that air of courteous generosity observable on 
 such occasions. At length he became desirous of another heat, but 
 the salmon would not budge, and the Shepherd, forgetting how much 
 he stood in awe of the monarch of the flood when he was in motion, 
 began insulting him in the grossest manner in his repose. Finally, 
 he proposed to us to strip and dive down to alarm him, some fifteen 
 or twenty feet — a modest proposal to a man of fiftyf — an editor — 
 and a martyr to the rheumatism. Here the fish darted ofl' like light- 
 ning, and then threw a somerset many feet in the air. Though this 
 was what the Shepherd had wished, it seemed not to be what he had 
 expected, and the rod was twitched out of his grasp, as neatly as at a 
 match of single stick. Walter Ritchie, however, recovered the wea- 
 pon, and returned it to its master yet standing in blank discomfiture. 
 His pride did not allow him to decline it — though it was apparent 
 that he would have exchanged situations with Mazeppa or John 
 Gilpin. 
 
 But why prolong the agitating narrative ? Suffice it to say, that 
 after a chase of two miles down the Dee, and from an observation of 
 the sun's altitude of two hours' duration, the salmon gave in — and 
 came unexpectedly to shore. There, on the green turf, lay salmon 
 and Shepherd, both quite exhausted, and with scarcely any symptoms 
 of life. They reminded us of one of those interesting scenes in Bor- 
 der History, where two gallant foemen lie side by side — or like one 
 of those no less interesting scenes in coursing, where gre\'hound and 
 hare are stretched gasping together on the wold. The Fish gave his 
 last convulsive bound from the sod, and the shepherd, with a faint 
 voice, cried, "take care o' voursels or he'll lame some o' vou" — Imt 
 his tears were groundless, for Waltar Ritchie had already given him 
 
 * A 7nii!l is a Scotch snulF-box, made out of a ram's-horn, polished, and fittfid with a covpr, 
 oft'iii etiibellisiied with a silver settinn;. on which is fixed a cai'T\-;<orra, or Scotch topaz. — M 
 
 t At th's time, the Editor of Blackwood had neither assru'ed tlie name of CiiKlsTOi'HRP. 
 ^ I KiH. norqliiie decided what his aL'e should be. A man of. ■'311, in IHI.'^, would have been toru 
 III l/iiO. Subsecpiently, the year 1751 was given as the aetus.L date, which would have made 
 Kit .No;ih ()8,:it the time he and his coUeasues were at Braci'iaj. 'rhioii^hout the " 2S'oolos," 
 li^: is r-ijireseiiied as in venerable old age, and must have been c4 when they closed, in \>j,). — M.
 
 12 CIIKISTOPUER IN THE TENT. 
 
 • Ill' coup lie trnuv, and liDldiiiL; him up by the gills, pronoimccd his 
 «:>ulo{iy with a simple pathos, \V(irthy of better times, "a brave tish ! 
 de'fl tak ine giiiiia he biiina twenty pun weight !" 
 
 Tlie first thing the shi-pherd said, on coming to himself, wa^. "guds 
 save us, 1 wouM gie half a croon fur a gill o' wluisky !" The sun, 
 however, had dissolved the mountain-dew — so we had to return (a 
 distance of nearly three miles) to our tent, within the coolness of whose 
 sliadow we knew some of the " tears of the morning" were to be 
 found. 
 
 On entering the tent, only judge of our sur|>rise when we found 
 Kempfi-rhauscn, Mullion, and Jarvie, tearing away tooth and nail at 
 the '• IJranxy,'"* and gulping down the aqua vitie as if it had been 
 small beer ! The swallow of the young German, in particular, was 
 prodigious; and much must he have astonished the Westmoreland 
 jit-asantry, when in training to write his celebrated letters from the 
 Lakes. He assured us that he had ate little or nothing for three 
 days, which seemed to »is but a partial avowal of the truth, for his 
 present voracity could only have been satisfactorily accounted for on 
 the theory of a fast for three weeks. That excellent actor Jones, in 
 Jeremy Diddler, was a mere joke to him.f Mullion made a masterly 
 meal of it ; while of Jarvie it is sufficient to say, that he upheld the 
 high character of a citizen of Glasgow. We introduced the Shepherd 
 to Kempfcrhausen and Jarvie (Mullion being an old accpiaintance), 
 and nothing could be more amusing than the contrast of the GJasgow 
 and the Uamburjfh manner. Jarvie m>t into such glee, that he abso- 
 i\itely began to '' trot"J the shepherd round the room ; but James 
 was soon up to him, and played off in his turn upon the bailie, assert- 
 ing with meritorious gravity of face, that he had shot the salmon with 
 a single ball, at the distance of half a mile, as he was rashly attempt- 
 ing, with his tail in his mouth, to leap the Linn of Dee. 
 
 it was now wearing f)n to two o'clock, and it is not to be denied, 
 that though '' no that fou," we had got " a drappy in our ee," — tlicnigh 
 
 '* Brn my is the name given to mutton hams made from the sheep that have died of their 
 own accord, or met with tome fatal accident amons the mounl.-vins. It is ijuite superior to any 
 other, hoih :n flavor anJ nutriment. It is a perquisite of the shepherds ; and in this instance 
 we liaJ It warranted sound by the head of i.urd Fifes pnatoral e.-.tablishment. 'J'he best wti 
 ivcralf wai at Uugiild Campbell's, E.sq. of Achlian, Argyllshire. — C .\. 
 
 1 Kichard Jonfs. commonly called '" Gentleman Jone.s." was a great favorite at the Edin- 
 bc'ch liie.itre. as coraedian, and finally settled in liOndun, where he died afew years ago, alter 
 I'.avin;; realized a large lortune as a teacher of eloculiun. — M. 
 
 t I'u Irol means t.) hoax. It used to be much practised in Glasgow, and also at Bolton, in 
 I.ancochire. A famous Uolton tri>t was the wa(;er with one '' in verdure clad," that he would 
 iioi pot one of his feet into hot water, and keep it therein as long as a certain ISultunian who 
 wa* present. The trial was made, then and there. Both ]>lunged a <tocking-covered leg into 
 n tub of bfilinir water. The ''Uolton fellow' appeared entirely unallecled by the increa.sed 
 t>.-iiiji«ra<ure : tne other instantaneously wiUiJrew his ;>i/i. dreadfully scalded, and ]>aid the 
 dozen of wine which he iiad lost. When l!ie party were on the last bottle, the green youn" 
 (.'•■nileinan was wilonued and shown, that it w;ls his opponents nirk leu which had coiiipeled 
 » ilh Ills own, of tirsh and bone, 'riiia wa:; a Ihorciugh (ro(— e.juivalent to a modern sell .' In 
 l..io<.-a<liire. ly the way, the inhabiiaiils of certain towns are characteristically designated U9 
 '' l.>verpoul Kvulleuion, .Miochesttir men, Wigau chaps, and iiolion fellows. ' — .M.
 
 TICKLER — UOGO- -ODOiniUlT. 1 3 
 
 it A^is more owing to the heat of the sun and the salmon-hunt than 
 anything else, that we found any dirticulty in preserving our ecjniiii)- 
 riuni. KernpfiTliaiisen and Hogg were i)r<j(ligi<>iisly great, antl we 
 overheard the, foreigner vowing tiiat lie would publish a (xLTinan 
 translation of the Queen's Wake ; while, in another corner of the 
 Tent, and with the whisky querh placed before us on the Contribu- 
 tors' box, we and Jarvie were '" unco kind and eouth thegither,'' and 
 the Bailie solemnly promised us bef )re winter, his article entitled 
 "The devil on Two Sticks, on the Top of the Jiani's Horn."* 
 
 While matters were thus going on, Walter Ritchie came hastily 
 into the Tent, and let us know that " four strange gentlemen" were 
 making the best of their way towards us, over the large stones and 
 loose rocks of a heathery hill behind. In a few minutes he ushered 
 two of them in. They wei'e a brace of smart springals enough, 
 with no small portion of self-assui-anee and nonchalance. "My 
 name," quoth the tallest, " is Seward of Christehureh, and this is 
 Bidler of Brazennose."t We had heard something of Oxford ease 
 and affluence, and indeed reckon more than one Oxonian among our 
 contributors; hut without seeing it, we could not have credited the 
 concentration of so much self-sat isfaeti(^>n in any one individual of the 
 species as in this avowed Seward of Christehureh. " Cursed com- 
 fortable marque, Buller, and plenty of prog ; — come, my old boy, 
 tip us a beaker of your stingo." " Pray," replied we, " may 1 ask 
 which of you is the Brazennose maul" " Ila ! Buller, to be sure, 
 Buller of Brazennose ! — first-class-man, sir — devilish clever fellow; — 
 allow me to introduce him to you more particularly, sir : — This, sir, 
 is Bob Buller of Brazennose — tirst-elass-man, sir, both in Litt. Hum. 
 and Class. Phys. — their crack-man, sir, since the days of Alilmaii.t 
 But pray, sir, may I ask to whom 1 have the honor of address- 
 ing myself f " Why," replied we politely, but with dignity, 
 " Mr. Seward, we are the veiled Editor of Blackwood's Lfagazine 1" 
 "The veiled Editor of Blackwood's Magazine! By the scythe 
 of Saturn and all that is cutting ! my worthy old cock ! Lend me 
 your feelers, Buller — isn't he as like old Gaisford as two pigs ? Mr. 
 Editor, you know Gaisford — damned good fellow — one of the well 
 booted Greeks." — "It is my misfortune, sir, never to have seen Mr 
 Gaisford, but 1 have a copy of his Hephi.estion."|| Here we chanced 
 
 • The " Ram's Horn'' is tlie name of a church in fi lasirow. from the top of whose spire tlie I)ti- 
 vil ■>» Two t? ticks would unquesiionalily have acoininaiuiinn bird's-eye viewol that city. — iV 
 
 I tiulier. of Brazennose College. Oxford, was John nii»:hes (wiio really belonged to Oriel,) 
 and auilior of an Itinerary of tiie Riione He was a great friend of Ainsworlh. llie novelist, 
 Thotnaa Incoldsby (the Rev. Richard Harris Barhani. a member of the same college), and The- 
 odore Uook. There was no representative, to iny knowledge, of Seward. 
 
 J When a student at Oxford wins the highest honors, ar the degree-examination, in classics 
 and science, he is called " a double first" — as con'jueror in both. The late Sir Robert i'eel wus 
 so distinguished The Rev. Henry Hart Milman here mentioned, was a Brazennjse man, and 
 is now Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral. Lonion. He has written much in prost, and verse — 
 chiefly dramatic in the latter, of which his play of "" Fazio'' is the only one on the stage, — M. 
 
 II I he Rev, Dr. Thomas Gaisford. Pe.^n of Christehureh, Oxford, sinco It-SI, was appointed 
 gias l'rofes»oi ol Cree.k, in Iciil. — M.
 
 14 CmUSTOPllER Df THE TENT. 
 
 lo l<M.)k around us, and saw the faces of the Shepherd, Mull ion, and 
 Jarvie, close to each other, and all fixed with various opressions of 
 fear, wonder, and astoiiishnicnt on Mr. Siward of Ciu-istchiirch . 
 'J'hey kept caufiouslv advaMciii<i towards hini inch by inch, somewhat 
 in the style of three Arctic Highlanders towards Captain Ross on his 
 supposed descent fmin the nioon ; Jarvie Lent down in a crouching 
 attitude, with his hands on his knees, like a frog ready to make a 
 >pring; Mullion, with one fist on his chin, and the other unconsciously 
 clawing his head, while his hroad purple face was one gleam or rather 
 ' gluwer'' of curiosity ; and the She|>herd with his nuble buck teeth, 
 displayed in all their brnwn irregularity, like a seer in a fit of second 
 siglit. •• \V hare the decvil cum ye fraef quoth the Shepherd, "lla, 
 ha I lUiller, hi-re-is a rum oiu' to go." On this wc introduced the 
 Shepherd to the Oxonians, as the author of the Queen's Wake, Pil- 
 grims of the Sun, dw-e., and in return, with some dilliculty explained 
 to him in what i)arl of tlu' globe Oxford stood, and to what purpose 
 it was dedicated, though on this latter point we did not seem lu make 
 ourselves very intelligible. " Weel, weel, gentlemen," continued the 
 Shepherd, " i'se warrant your twa big scholars, but hech sers, there's 
 something about you baith that is enough to mak ane split their sides 
 with lau'diing. liuller o' Brazcmiose, 1 ne'er heard the like o' sic an 
 a name as that in a' my born days, except it were the BuUers o' Bu- 
 chan."* Then the Shejiherd put his hands to his sides, and burst 
 into a long loud triumphant gutliiw. 
 
 Meanwhile, we had wholly forgotten the other two "strange 
 gentlemen," and fjund that they were silting outside the tent. 
 Wustle very politely asked them in; one was u dapper little fellow, 
 but as jtale as death ; and had his left hand wrapt up in a handker 
 chief The other was tall and lusty, but with a face of vulgar 
 effeminacy, and altogether breathing rather otrensively of a large 
 town. " ily name is Tims," piteously uttered the small pale dapper 
 young man ; and my two-barrelled gun has cracked, and carried away 
 my little finger, and a ring that was a real diamond. I bought it at 
 llundle and r.ri(lges."t "They calls me Price," said the dandy ; "a 
 nephy of the late Sir Charles Price, that was o' Lumiun ; and 1 am 
 c<Mne down into Scotland here to shoot in these hereabot t parts." 
 
 •The Bullersof Buchnn. in AbRrdepnshire. are amonp the wonders of Scotlamf. They are 
 n"ar .Slaine's C'a*tle, Die resiJeiice of Ihu Karl ol JCrnil. and »re remarkable fof ihe noise and 
 fi)rce willi which, at a certain stale ufilie tides, the sea- water isdrivcn uplhroush a sort of well- 
 like cavity in a rock. When Ur. Jolinson was in Scotland, the Uuliers especially attracted his 
 attention . — M. 
 
 t Orip.nally, this Mr. Tims was as much a real character as Waslle or MtiUion, but on the 
 ar|ieara<ice. (n* a trannlalion from the I'rench of Viscount Vicloire de Solipny.) of a lour in 
 Kii;:litnJ, the wits of lilackwuod insisli.'d that their own cockney, Tiins. had written it. and 
 ever afterwards, in the '• Noctcs," and out of it, sjioke of Tims, as '' the Wicount Wictoiie." 
 Til* jewellers, Uundell and Hridges, whom he naiiie.s, were the leadin;; jewellers in Ijondon 
 for many yearg (their shop was on Lud^ate Hill, near St I'aul's Cathedral,) and the wife of 
 Mr. Hundell was authoress of the famous cookinj;-biiok, of which, between Il^ll and l'i54, 
 ghoul 6ve loillion copies have been sold. Sir Charles Price was a London banker. — .M.
 
 THE GAMK-BAGS. 15 
 
 During this explanation, the Oxonians did not deign to look towarda 
 the Coelvneys, but Seward l<cpt humming " tlie hold dragoon," and 
 the " first class man both in Litt. Hum. and Class IMiys.," whose 
 voice we had not yet heard, was peeping somewhat inquisitively into 
 the queohs, jugs, and bottles, and occasionally applying one or other 
 of them to his mouth, without meeting any suitable return to his 
 ardor. 
 
 We at length found that the Oxonians and the Cockneys had left 
 the Spittal of Glenshee by sunrise, in two totally distinct parties. 
 But that the geography of so wild a country as Scotland, not being 
 much known either in Oxford or the City, both had got bewildered 
 among the everlasting hills and valleys, till, as their good luck would 
 have it, they had joined forces within half a mile of our Tent. A 
 bumper of whisky gave a slight tinge of red to the cadaverous phiz of 
 Tims ; and Price got quite jaunty, pulling up the collar of his shirt 
 above his ears, which, you may well believe, were none of the shortest. 
 Nothing could be more amusing to us, than the inetlable contempt 
 with wliich Christchurch and Brazennose regarded Cheapside and 
 Ludgate Hill ; though, to say the truth, the two fornier seemed just 
 as much out of place as the latter, among the wilds of Braemar; 
 while, in spite of all we could do, to divert the conversation from 
 such subjects, Seward kept perpetually chattering of Jack Ireland, 
 little Jenkins of Baliol, the Dean, the great Tom of Christchurch, and 
 other literary characters of credit and renown. 
 
 The Shepherd, eager to put a stop, if possible, to these mystical 
 allusions, requested to see what the gentlemen had got in their bags, 
 and Messrs. Tims and Price silently submitted theirs to the scrutiny. 
 James put his hand boldly in — as well he might — for the lean sides of 
 the wallet plainly showed that there was no danger of his being bitten, 
 and it was seen by the expression of his face, on withdrawing his 
 arm, how truly nature abhors a vacuum. Mr. Tims stood on high 
 ground, for he had burst his gun the first fire, and ISIr. Price 
 declared, that though in other respects a finished sportsman, he h'ld 
 never till that day fired a shot. Mr. Seward then called on his man, 
 by the facetious appellation of " Katterfelto," " to bring the spoil," 
 and a knowing knave immediately emptied a huge bag containing 
 two brace of" chirpers" (pouts evidently taken by the hand), and, to 
 the petrifaction of the s|icctators, an enormous Fox. Tims and Price 
 eyed the animal with intense curiosity, and on hearing its name, the 
 latter declared that though he had now hunted with the Surrey- 
 hounds f )r six years, he had never caught a view of reynard, and 
 would think his journey to Scotland well repaid by the sight of an 
 animal which he had long given up all hopes of ever beholding on 
 this side of the grave. Seward told him, (it was the first time he 
 had ever deigned to address the Cockney) that he was welcome to
 
 16 ClIKISTOPIIER IN Tire TENT. 
 
 Mr. Fox. only he betrged leave to retain the brush ; and Pric« leapt 
 at the uIRt, det-larinj; he would have him stulll-d, and placed at tho 
 wiiuk-rofhis Box at Hanipstead. 
 
 '*T)iat's till- Captain's lauch," quoth the Shepherd, and forthwith 
 entered Udolierty, j)icturesquely ornamented with nioorfowl, snipes. 
 and flappers, all dangling round his waist, as one might suppose as 
 many scalps rt>und an Indian warrior. His tine features were stained 
 ■with gunpowder and blood, and Air. Tims had nearly fainted away. 
 "AlUiw me, gentlemen, to introduce Timothy Tickler, Esq.," said 
 the JStandard-bearer, and in a trice he stood before us in all his 
 altitude. His musket, with the bayonet fuxed, was in his hand, and 
 over his shoulders hung a young roe which he had slain in the Ibrest. 
 Even Seward ut' Clnisiihurcli, and liullcr of Hrazcnnose, stood 
 astounded at the aj>parition. ^'■By the ghost of Dinali Gray, Duller, 
 there arc more tilings in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in 
 Aristotle's jiliilosoj.hy." "There, Mr. Editor," quoth Tickler, "is 
 •lohn Ivoc — liichard Doe has escaped mortally wounded;" and with 
 that, he threw down the cre;iture at our feet. At that moment was 
 luard the bugle-horn of Wastle ; and by the time " that a man with 
 moderate haatc might count a thousand," he and the physician 
 were in the tent. " My dear friend, Dr. JMorris !" " What, 
 Buller of Brazcnnose !" The meeting was most cordial; but the 
 heat of the tent was quite insupportable, being about *JG of Ilcnry 
 ^Vatson's thermometer — so it was proposed by Tickler to adjourn 
 to the antechamber, whose dimensions could not easily have been 
 
 10 3 4 
 
 taken. We mustered verv strong — Editor, Wastle, ]\[orris. Tickler, 
 
 5 a i 6 9 lu 
 
 Odoherty, Shepherd, Jar vie, Alullion, Kempferhausen, Seward of 
 
 II 12 13 14 
 
 Christchurch, Buller of Brazennose, Tims, Price, John of Skv, Lord 
 
 17 18 111 ^ "-'U 
 
 Fife's three gillies, Walter Ritchie, John Mackay, Katterfelto, 
 
 21 ii a; ' 
 
 Buller's valet, the Cockney's Londoner, four Highlanders from the 
 
 27 IW 
 
 Sjiittal of Glenshee, Peter's man John, Wastle's man Thomas. 
 
 It was altogether a most animating scene ; and it is incredible in how 
 short a time one kind and genial spirit seemed transferred through 
 so great a body of men. "It's all the world like the eollee-room o' 
 Glasgow about four o'clock," said Jarvie ; " but, ochone, they'll bt; no 
 punch —none o' Provost Ilanullon's best here." John !Mackay 
 informed us. that he and his assistants were all at work, and that in 
 an hour and a half dinner would be on the table. " But hae ye 
 killed ony thing, tloctor," quoth the Shejiherd. Here Peter's man 
 John, and Walter liitchie, came forward, dragging several bags uiing
 
 ANTE-PRANDIAL. 17 
 
 with thein, which disembogued a brown flood of grouse, thai over- 
 flowed many yards of the sud. Mr. Tims could not believe his eyes, 
 when he saw, coimted before them, thirty-seven brace. " There are 
 tliirty brace mair o' them," said Watty Ritchie, " scouring for the 
 pan." So much for Wastlc and Morris. 
 
 The whole party now retired to their toilette, and most of ua 
 performed our ablutions in the limpid Dee. We, the O^ntributors, 
 had greatly the advantage over the Oxonians and the Cockneys, 
 whose wardrobe was at the Spittal of Glenshee ; and we could nf)t 
 help observing, that when we ourselves returned to the tout in a fiiU 
 suit of black, little the worse for the gentle wear of three years 
 Sundays, we were looked at with a pleasant surprise, and, if possible, 
 an increased admiration, not only by Tims and Price, but also by 
 Seward of Christchurch, and Buller of'Brazennose. 
 
 When we all assembled again, furbished and figged up, we made a 
 splendid figure on the mountain-side ; and rarely had the heather 
 waved over a finer body of men since the days of Fingal. it is true, 
 that most of us were too sharp-set fully to enjoy the magnificence of 
 the prospect. Yet it made itself be felt. Many hundred stupendous 
 mountains towered up into the cloud-piled sky over a wide horizon 
 — nor was it easy to distinguish earth from heaven as they lay 
 blended together in that sublime confusion. The dark pine-forests 
 of Mar stretched ofi" into the dim and distant day, overshadowing 
 rock and precipice ; and in the blue misty hollows of the hill, we knew 
 that unseen tarns and lakes were lying in their solitary beauty. 
 Scarce visible in the dark blue sky, an eagle was heard yelling in 
 wild and sullen fits ; and when one gazed up to his flight, it was a 
 grand feeling to imagine the boundless expanse of earth, sea, and sky, 
 that must then have been submitted to the ken of the majestic Bird. 
 
 Our readers will observe, that the above little bit of description is 
 not our own, but copied out of Kempferhausen's journal ; and we 
 think it not so much amiss, considering that it was pencilled under a 
 severe fit of the toothache. One hour in the drawinij-room before din- 
 ner is longer than three in the diiung- room after it, and this we all ex- 
 perienced, while lying on the greensward before our tent. Even the 
 unwearied wit of Tickler, who lay stretched "many a rood" among 
 the heather, was lieginning to lose its charm, when Wastle's man 
 Thomas, a comely varlet about his master's age, advaaced with the 
 ceremonious air of a true butler of the old school, and announced that 
 dinner was on the table. Never did thunder follow the lightening so 
 instantaneously, as we all leapt up on this enunciation; and on 
 locking round, we found ourselves in the chair, supported by Wastle 
 and Morris — while Tickler was seated croupier,* supported by 
 
 • Croupier, — vice-chairman. Probably derived fiom two men riding on a horse, in which 
 c<i.«e one must sil on the croup, or loins of ihe animal, i. e. occupy a secondary or infirm position 
 
 Vol. I.
 
 18 ciiKisTOPrrER in thk nxr. 
 
 O<lohorty nnd Riiller of Brazonnosc. A principle of the most 
 K'niififiil adaptation and fitiuss of |>arts sooinod nndt'sijxniHlly to 
 rr-giilate tho scatiiiir ot' the whole party ; and we esjx'eially ol>served 
 how finely the Iliizh-street face of Seward of Christ«hureh eontrasted 
 itself with the Cow<;ate fiee of the Shepherd on the one hand, and 
 the Solttnarket one of .larvie on the other — while that of Tims looked 
 quite pale atid intt-restinaj between the Ions sallow eountenanec of 
 Kempferhansen and the broad rubiein)dity of Mullion. 
 
 By what magieal process the dinner had been cooked we know 
 not; but a fine ent of salmon lay before the chair; while Tiikler 
 cried, with a loud voice, "Dr. Morris, shall 1 help you to some roe- 
 soup?" t)n the middle of the table, midway between ]N[idlion and 
 Jarvie, was an immense tureen of prouse soup, composed, as Peter's 
 man John declared, with »iplifted hands and eves, offifteen Vtraee of 
 birds! Placed at judicious intervals, smok«'d trenchers of grouse 
 roasted, stewed, and prilled — while a ha\inch of John Doe gave a 
 crown and consummation to a feast fit (or the Immortal Gods. 
 
 The party had just bien helped to grouse or roc-soup, -when a card 
 A-as handed to the Chairman (we shall lienecft»rth substitute Chair- 
 man in place of Editor) with the single wonl, A Contributor, writ- 
 ten upon it in large characters. We left; our seat for an instant to 
 usher in the (trkat Unknown. It war Dr. Scott, the CELKBitATKn 
 Odontist of Glasihiw.* lie was still seated on his fanious white 
 trotting pony, with his legs boldly extended in ultra-dr;tg<x>n fashion 
 from its sides, and his armed heels so much depressed, that his teet 
 stood perfectly perpendicular with elevated toes, and exposed to our 
 gaze those well-known broad and formidable soles which eould belong 
 to no other living man ])ut the doctor. On his head was a hat white 
 as snow, and in circumference wide as a fairy-ring on a hill-side — his 
 portly frame was shrouded in a light-drab surtout, and his sturdy 
 limbs in trowsers of the purest milled cord, which, bv the action of 
 riding, had been worked up to his knees, and considerately suffered 
 the eye to rest on a pair of valuable top-V)oots spick and span new tor 
 the occasion — no unworthy successors they to those of the Ettrick 
 Shef»herd, now no more. A green silk umbrella was gorgeously ex- 
 panded over the illustrious Odontist, who, having remained a full 
 min\ite in all his pride of place, that we might have leis\ire to con- 
 temf)latc the fulness of his pertections, furled his banner in a stylo 
 worthy of the Adjutant himself; and shouldering it as if he had Vieen 
 serving in the Scotch Fusileers, exclaimed, '* You didna ask )Me to, 
 your tent, ye deevil, but here 1 am, in spite of your teeth. I heard 
 o' you at Gordon Castle,t and I hae just come up to keep yc a' right 
 
 • Tlii» Scott, wkom it p)ea»«>J North to call Doctor, and )>ass off as a miraolp of wil nn,\ learn- 
 inR. waj an obrup oll<)nll^t (ordenliFl) in Glasgow, eminent for nothing beyond tooih-iliiiwi«(;, 
 cxc«pt punch-drinking. 
 
 \ In AberJerniihire. It was the seat of the Puks of Gordon ; and Willin, who \L»ilcd i.t, h;.« 
 du^ri.nd ;i la h.> J'eac:l!tiig3 by tUc Way.— M.
 
 TUE SQU ABASH. 19 
 
 anl tight, ye nest o' vcepcrs." Wc assured the Doctor that his 
 honest face was always a welcome contribution to us, and that we had 
 not asked him to join the party, solely from a feeling of compassion 
 to his patients. The doctor's boy now ran up to assist his respected 
 master to dismount, in a livery of blue and red, and a smart cock- 
 .ade ; for the doctor had been a soldier in his youth, and performed 
 many signal acts of valor in the green of Glasgow, along with the An- 
 dcrston Volunteers, when that line body of operatives were com- 
 manded by the gallant Colonel Gcddes, and the invincible Major 
 Cross. " Gentlemen, Dr. Scott from Glasgow," — when such a shout 
 arose as can only be described to those not present by its elfects. 
 
 '■ So fur was heard the mighty knell, 
 The staii; sprung up iipao the fell, 
 Spread his broad nostril to the wind, 
 Listed, before, aside, behind — 
 Then couched him down beside the hind — 
 And quaked amouii tlie mountain fern, 
 To hear that sound," »t,c. 
 
 The Doctor was soon seated ; and the drab surtout being felt rather 
 close, he imitated the fashion of Lady Heron in Marmion, and 
 
 " It all for heat was laid aside." 
 
 " IIoo are a' the people o' the West V quoth Jarvie, delighted to sec 
 a Glasgow face in so high a northern latitude. " Just as you left 
 them, Bailie — a' breaking clean aff by the stump — There's scarcely 
 a house I wad uphald langer than a loose tooth — it's just a' ae gene- 
 ral .sqiKibatih!" 
 
 A short pause succeeded ; and in the silence of the tent nothing 
 was heard, save the clattering of knives and forks — the clashing of 
 trenchers — the smacking of lips — and occasionally those long deep 
 sighs of full and perfect enjoyment, that, be our theoretical creed 
 what it may concerning the sunmium bonum, are ever felt to breathe 
 out the very inmost soul of all earthly felicity. 
 
 Just then arose outside of the tent such a throttlinjj noise of un- 
 numbered dogs, that had Earl Walter, the wild huntsman, been a 
 daylight vision, we nmst have expected to see him now realized. 
 Amidst the savage growl were heard the loud curses of Celt and 
 Sasenach, maddening the fray which they sought to assuage. " Demme 
 if the Highland curs be not murdering my Juno," exclaimed Mr. 
 Seward of Christchurch, " I would not lose her for the Indies — she 
 was bred by J aek Burton !" We had our own suspicion that Mr. Con- 
 stable's brown bitch was at the bottom of all this disturbance — but 
 we found it impossible to discover, in this general " colleshan^i/''''* its 
 
 •See again Dr Janiieson. C. N.
 
 :J0 CHRiSTOPnnR in the tent. 
 
 prime mover. Mr. Price declared himself at ease al)Ou( the is. lie 
 of this ccoidict, as lu- liad [>inxhas«.-d his dog Randal from JVilI Gil*, 
 hulls,* and a better nevLT entered a ring. The Sht|)herd did "or 
 allow this bravado to pass unnoticed — and we are almost cont.dent 
 that we heard him through the din offering to fight his Hector again^^it 
 the '-Southron dog, for a gallon o* whisky and a haggis!" Mean- 
 while almost a score of dogs were fiercely at work among the heatlnr 
 — nor could we help contrasting with the agitated action of the n-st 
 of the jwirtv. the cool composure of Morris, the calm curiosity of 
 Wastle, ami the eagt-r ecstasy of Tickler, who, standing together on 
 a rock elevated above the scene of action, might, perhaps, be com- 
 pared to Bonaparte and his staff witnessing the Great Battle from 
 the observatory on the heights of ^lont St. Jean. 
 
 Order was at last restored — and all the dogs came shaking their 
 eiirs close to the heels of their respeetive masters — some of them 
 piteouslv lim}>ing, and others licking their wounds, which were so 
 iiumenjiis that it would have required Monsieur Larreyt himself to 
 bind them all up on the field of battle. But a scene, if possible, of 
 vet greater confusion was at hand. A strong body of Celts, collected 
 among the mountains towards the Spittal of Glenshee, advanced, 
 with a most hostile demonstration, to the tent, and demanded £20 for 
 the slaughter committed among their flocks by the outlandish dogs 
 v\' the four English Gentlemen. We drew up our forces in battle 
 arrav, to repel the threatened charge of these fierce mountaineers — 
 ourselves commanding in the centre, Odoherty on the right wing, and 
 Dr. Scott on the left. On seeing this, the enemy took up a position 
 in our rear, as if wishing to cut off our retreat to Bracmar, Being 
 averse to the unnecessary efiusion of blood, we sent off, with a flag 
 of truce, (a sprig of heather in a bottle of whisky) a deputation to 
 the enemy's camp, consisting of the Shepherd and Walter Kitcliie as 
 Assessors, and John Mackay as Interpreter, to estimate the damage. 
 On the return of the deputation we found that only one sheep bad 
 been worried, and an old tup severely wounded. The fact seemed 
 to be clearly brought home to ^Ir. Price's dog Randal, and to !Mr. 
 Tim's dojj Flash — and "as, bv the laws of this and every other well- 
 governed realm, the crime of murder, more esj>ecially when aggnv 
 vated. «^:e,, is, &c.," preparations were instantly made fiir carrying the 
 law into eftect. Indeed, no other expiation but blood for blood 
 seemed likely to pacify tlie exasperated Highlanders. Tickler, how- 
 ever, intereeded for the lives of both culi)rits, jiiaiutainiiig. in fivor 
 ttf Randal, that he was born and bred a fighting dog, and that, there- 
 fore, to j)ut him to dejifh for such an olTeiice as this now laid to his 
 charge, would be to fly in the very face of nature. Ilis defence of 
 Flash was not equally successful — and indeed it terminated with be- 
 
 * A London pogilitt of tome notoriety. — M. t Napoleon's favorite sargeoii>— M.
 
 PRANEIAL. 21 
 
 •(Mjching tlic jury to recommend him to mere}-. Rut he took (-cca- 
 sion, at the same time, to observe, that, in point of ]aw, Mr. Tims 
 might reeovor the price from Ilaggart. Here Mr. Oihiherty ex- 
 pressed some doubts as to Mr. Tim's success before the Sheriff, itiani- 
 taining that a dog-seller is not liable to repayment of the price on a 
 df»g's fondness for mutton being discovered, unless sj>e('ial warrandice 
 from that ])articular vice is expressly given. Tickler, on the otiier 
 hand, was clearly of opinion, that a fair price infers warrandice of 
 every kind, besides steadiness to fur, feather, and flint. The full dis- 
 cussion, however, of this difliciilt subject was reserved for a future 
 occasion — nor should we have mentioned it now, had it not been tliat 
 both Tickler and Odoherty are such high authorities, they having 
 written the two best treatises extant on the Game Laws. Our inter- 
 preter by this time returned to his countrymen, and succeeded in 
 " smoothing the raven down of their darkness till it smiled." They 
 joined our party in an amicable manner, and we all ratified the treaty 
 of peace over a flowing quech. Indeed, we, whom it is not easy to 
 humbug, could not help having our suspicions, that the whole story 
 of the worried sheep was got up for the occasion, and that these bash- 
 fiil Celts preferred, as it were, storming our intrenchments to get at 
 the grouse and whisky, to that more pacific and more regular ap- 
 proach which they were prevented from adopting by their well-known 
 national modesty. 
 
 On returning to the tent, we found that Kempferhausen and Duller 
 of Brazennose had stolen away from the scene of strife, and had been 
 for some time actually playing a pair of f(.>rmidable knives and forks 
 on the grouse and venison, thus taking the start, in no very handsome 
 manner, of the rest of the party, who had probably as good appetites, 
 and certainly better manners, than themselves. When we were all 
 seated again, " Pretty well, Master Kempferhausen," cried Odoherty, 
 "for a young gentleman with a toothache." Meanwhile, John of Sky 
 kept pacing round the tent, and from his bag-pipes, ornamented with 
 a hundred streamers, blew such soul-ennobling din, that each man I'elt 
 his stomach growing more capacious within him, and the chairman 
 forthwith ordered a round of mountain-dew. How the dinner came 
 at last to a termination, we never could discover; but the best of 
 /'riends must part, and so felt we when the last tureen of grouse dis- 
 appeared. A slight breeze had by this time providentially sprung 
 up among the hills ; and as not a wind could blow without our tent 
 standing in its way, and as the lower canvas had been dexterously 
 furled up by Odoherty, a grateful coolness stole over our saloon, and 
 nothing seemed w-anting to complete our happiness, but a bowl oi 
 good cold rum-punch.* 
 
 * Rum punch, made of one part of rum to six of coW sherbet, is the peculiar drink jf GIls 
 g..w.— M.
 
 22 curi&toi'ui:k in tite tent. 
 
 ^Ve haJ not boon so iniprovidont as to lot the b;i<j2;age-wagon leave 
 Edinbui'ih without a ten-gallon Ciisk of rum (Potts of Glasgow), and 
 a gross of lonions, individually lodged in papor ; and Bailie Jarvie 
 had been busily employed for some time past (though wo were all 
 loo well iKvui)iod tt> miss him) in manufaeturing, not a bowl, but a 
 tub of puiieh. from the waters of that clear eold spring, whioh no 
 sun oould alfeet. "1 would like to lay my lugs in't," eried the 
 Shepherd, in his most impassioned maimer, when the tub ajijieared; 
 and indeed we all crowded round it with as much eagerness as ever 
 M'c ourselves have seen parehed soldiers in India erowd round 
 an unexpected tank. Dr. Scott, who is constantly armed at all 
 points, requested Peter's man John to bring him his surtout, and 
 slvlv asking Mr. Duller of Brazennose if he had ever seen the small 
 dwarf Caribbee lemon, brought to light, from the dark depth of 
 these unfathomable pockets, half a dozen ripe marriageable limes, 
 which we permitted him to squeeze into the tub with all the grace, 
 di<rnitv, and dexteritv of a Glas<iow Maker. 
 
 Uf course we again drank the Prince Regent's health, and all the 
 toasts usual at public meetings. The Chairman then rose, and in a 
 speech, ut' w hich we regret it is impossible for us at present to givp 
 even a sketch, jtroposed 
 
 The Earl of Fife. 
 
 When the pealing thunders of applause had in a f^iw minutes 
 ceased, Odoherty rose, and with that charming modesty whieh so 
 sets oifhis manifild accomplishments, said, that if not disagreeable to 
 the comj)any, he would recite a few verses whieh he had that morn- 
 ing composed, as he was drinking a cup of whisky and water at a 
 spring in the mountains behind Mar-Lodge. 
 
 POEM, 
 
 Recited by Odoherty at a Grand Dinner-Partji of the Contributors, in their Ttat 
 near Slar-lAnlge, on the 12th of August, 181tf. 
 
 1. 
 
 Ilsiil to tliy waters ! softly-flowiug Dee I 
 Hiiil ti) tlK-ir t>liii(l<.-(i pur'e tnins>parency I 
 Hail to the rf)yftl oiik nud inountaiu -pine, 
 AViili whuse reflected pride those wuteiii shine I 
 
 2. 
 
 And hiiil, ye central tjlorios of the plain ! 
 All hail, ye towers ancestral of the Thane 1 
 CU-ur u^ the Scottish etreaiii whose honor flows, 
 liroad U6 the SuottiEh grove whose bounty ^owb.
 
 " BONO TO A S^U.5I0X." 23 
 
 Can he whose eye on many a fiehl of war 
 Has traced the prof^rei^s of tiiy loi'd, ]{i-aeinar, 
 Pass, y<4i not Ijless, this grove's niajestie sweep, 
 Where worth can still expand, though valor sleep, 
 
 4. 
 
 Souls of primeval heroes ! nobly won 
 Is the repose of your heroie st»n 1 
 Sure in tliose awful hours of patriot sti'ife, 
 Macbeth 's destroyer nerved the soul uf Fife. 
 
 5. 
 
 A softer influence now your spirits send 
 Into the botoui of " the poor man's friend" — 
 Keys, stai's, and erosses, are but glittering stuff; 
 The genuine jewel is The Heart ok Dukf. 
 
 It is impossible to conceive what effect was given to these lines 
 (which are certainly better than any of Mr. W. Fitzgerald's* or Mr. 
 James Thomson's) by the graceful and spirited elocution of the 
 Standard-bearer ; and Seward of Christchnrch, now above all foolish 
 prejudices, and following the impulses of his own fine classical taste 
 and feeling, vowed that he had never heard more sweetly-pretty 
 verses recited in the Sheldon Theatre, Oxford, at a Commemoration. 
 On Odoherty's health and verses being drunk, that excellent poet 
 again rose, and begged leave to call upon his friend, the Ettrick Sliep- 
 herd, for a poem or a song. Says the Shepherd, " Ye hae a' eaten a 
 gude dinner I'm thinking — but recollect it was me that killed the 
 sawmon, and I'll now gie you an elegy, or eulogy, on him — deil tak 
 me gin I ken the difference. But I canna stan', I maun receet 
 sitting, 
 
 » 
 
 SONG TO A SALMON. 
 
 By the Ettrick Shepherd. 
 
 I. 
 
 Thou bonny fish from the far sea 
 
 Whose waves unwearied roll 
 
 In primitive ininieusity 
 
 Aye buffeting the pole 1 
 
 From millions of thy silvery kind 
 
 In that wide waste that dwell 
 
 Thou oidy power and path didst find, 
 
 To reach this lonely delL 
 
 •This is he of whom Byron wrote — 
 
 "Shall hoarse Fitzgerald bawl 
 His creaking couplets in a tavern hall ?" 
 At the annual dinner of the Literary Fund, in London, he used to mount on one of the tal)U»3 
 an<i rpcite verses of his own composing . greatly In the acini se me nt of all who heard him. In liie 
 '■ K<|ecteil Addresses." written by Horace and Jaiuoa tSiai'.ii, there if an excellent paiojy ,,ii 
 Ouo uf these compositions. — .\1.
 
 24 CKRISTOPnEK IN THE TENT. 
 
 II. 
 That woud'ruus region was tliy own, 
 That home up^iu the deep — 
 To thee were iill the secrets known 
 In that dark li!«:i>t that sleep — 
 Thou, while tliy form midst heave and toes 
 Had still the billows play beeu. 
 Perhaps kue\«°eit more than Captain KoOB, 
 Or jet than Captuiu Sabine.* 
 
 IIL 
 
 Tea. Fish ! nor wise alone wast tboo, 
 But happy — what's far belter — 
 Ke'er did thy tius t4.> Harrow bow, 
 They feared not Ci-oker's letter — 
 But far and wide their sti-okes they plied 
 Smo<-)th thro' the ocean smoother. 
 Nor driib-cbid GitTord chilled their prid€^ 
 Nor Leslie's butf and blue ihere.f 
 
 IV. 
 
 And now, my Beauty ! bold ajid well 
 
 Thy pilgrim-coui-se hath been — 
 
 For thou, like Wordsworth's Peter Bell, 
 
 Hast gazed on Aberdeen ! 
 
 And all those sweetest banks between. 
 
 By luvereauld's broad tree. 
 
 The woild of beauty hast thou seen 
 
 That sleeps upon the Dee. 
 
 V. 
 
 There ofl in sDeuee clear and bright 
 
 Thou layest a sliadow still. 
 
 In some green nook where with delight 
 
 Joined in the mouotaiu-rilL 
 
 There, 'mid the water's sc-arce-heard boom. 
 
 Didst thou float, rise, and sink, 
 
 While o'er the breathing banks of broom 
 
 The wild deer came to drink. 
 
 VI. 
 Vain sparry grot and verdant cave 
 The stranger to detain — 
 For thou wast wearied of the wave 
 And loud voice of the main ; 
 And naught thy heart «3uld satisfy 
 But those clear gi-avelly rills, 
 "Where once a young and happy fry 
 Thou danced among the hilk 1 
 
 * Ctpt^Dt Ross aod Sabine, engagei] at this time in trying to discover the oortbirrat paa- 
 
 t Binxiw and Crolter -were then officials in the Admiralty at London. Gifford edited the 
 Qu&nerly Reriew, irnich has a drab-colored cover, and Leslie was contribv'inj; f the Kiiis- 
 buixh, which was clothed in the buff and blue of the Whigs. — M. 
 
 I
 
 TICKLER 8 SONG. 25 
 
 VI L 
 Tlie rivei roarlnj^ down the rock, 
 The fierce ami fnainiiii^ linn, 
 Essayed to stay thee with the shook, 
 The dark and dizzy din — 
 With wih'er malice nets did twist 
 To perfect thy uudoiuijf, 
 But all tliose dangers hast thou miss'd. 
 True to thy destiued ruin 1 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Suie, no inglorious death is thine ! 
 Death said 1 ? Thou'll ne'er die. 
 But swim upon a Poet's line 
 Down to Eternity, — 
 While, on our board, we'll all allow, 
 O I odd Fish bright and sheen 1 
 A prime Contributor art thou 
 To Blackwood's Magazine 1 
 
 It was some hours before we could prevail on any of our friends to 
 favor us with another poem or song, naturally so much awed were 
 they all by the splendid eflbrtsof a Hogg and an Odoherty. At last 
 Tickler, to get rid of unceasing importunities from every side, 
 chanted to the bagpipe the following song, which excited one feeling 
 of regret that its length should have been in an inverse ratio to that 
 of the singer. 
 
 'o^ 
 
 tickler's song to a brother sportsman at a distance. 
 
 1. 
 
 Though I rove through the wilds of majestic Braemar, 
 'Mid the haunts of the buck and the roe, 
 O ! oft are my thoughts with my dear friends afiir, 
 'Mid the black-cocks of Minuard that go. 
 
 2. 
 
 sweet upon bonny Loch-Fyne be your weather, 
 As is mine on the banks of the Dee ! 
 And light be your steps o'er Kilberry's braw heather, 
 As on Fife's mine own footsteps can be I 
 
 3. 
 
 May the scent still lie warm on the heafh of Argyle, 
 Thy pointers stand staunch, and unerring thine aim — 
 As I bring down the birds tight and left — why I smilo 
 To think that my friend may be doing the same. 
 
 Jfor your trophies alone is my fancy revealing I 
 
 Well I picture the scores that have bled 
 
 Long — oh ! long ere tliis hour, round the laird's lonely sheQing, 
 
 That murderous lair, Caddeuhead !
 
 20 CITRISTOPimK TS THE TE>'T. 
 
 5. 
 Kvery ehot Umt we fire, as it peals through the air, 
 T o-'DsiiliT n kind of ii proetiiii; — 
 
 '1 hire is naiii,'lit of fot>,'iiruliKss, here, John I nor there — 
 Tubte your flask to our blylhe wiuter-meetiug 1 
 
 Mr. Sfward saitl ho hiu;l never siiiif; a siiifjle stave in his lifo, and 
 called on UiiUer ot' Brazennose, to contirni his statement ; but he said, 
 that since the example of simple recitative had been set, he should not 
 hesitate to favor us with a e<)py of verses which he had written last 
 vear for Sir Ko<ier Newdyate's prize — subject, t/ie Coliseum, ills 
 verses had not indeed gained the prize, but fluttering testimony had 
 been borne to their merit by his tutor, Mr. Goodenough,* and many 
 other exquisite judges. 
 
 THE COLISEUM. 
 
 Te circling walls, whose melancholy bound, 
 
 In lonely echoes, whisper all around ! 
 
 Ye towers antique, whose shapeless shadows tell 
 
 Of Roman trlory the forlorn farewell ! 
 
 Dark o'er the sod with heroes' dust commix'd 
 
 Ye fixiwn in nionunietital silence fix'd ! 
 
 Ah! could a voice to your faint fi>inis be given 
 
 By some supernal synipatliy of heaven, 
 
 Deep werv tlie descant of departed years. 
 
 And marble groans would blend wiili nature's teare! 
 
 Tlie pensive pilgrim bending by the shiine, 
 
 Wiiere all is mortal, and yet half divine, 
 
 Would mix a i»igii as jilaintive as your own, 
 
 O'er the dim relics of the splendiirs gone, 
 
 Mix with the sobbings of the wind-stirred trees, 
 
 Whose roots are in th' imperial palaces! 
 
 See ! — or does fancy, from her fetters freed. 
 
 With airy visions the fond eyeballs feed — 
 
 Airy, yet bright, as they which lore sublime 
 
 Drew to tiic enthusiast of the elder time, 
 
 In rich redundance of im|>arled light. 
 
 All radiant, rusiiing on the Augur's sight. 
 
 And nuieking with their glare tlie temple's mystic night 
 
 Majestic dreams of Koine's primeval day. 
 
 Oh list and answer ! Oh ! ifce. 
 
 Onfortunately as Mr. Seward warmed in his recitation, he be/jan 
 to speak with such extreme volubility, that to have taken down his 
 words accurately, would have required lu^lhing less than the presence 
 of that pRiN'CE OF Stenogkapheks, Mr. John Dow niMSELF.f So 
 that we hope that Mr. Seward will yield to the solicitations of the 
 Contributors, and give his jxtem to the world. The next we knocked 
 down was Dr. Scott, who, in compliance wilh Bailie Jarvie's earnest 
 request, favored us with the following ballad of liisown composition, 
 at present the most popular ditty in the west of Scotland ! 
 
 • S<>.i of Ur riiMMlcnoujn. Rishop of Cnrlinln — M. 
 
 t Uuw wu then, kiiil lui many year* uflvr, the b«al ■horthand writer in Edinburgh. — M.
 
 PDNC'II, THE riOACKMAKLK. 27 
 
 THE MEMORY OF SANUV FERGUSON. 
 Written, Composed, afid Sung, by James Scott, Esq., of Millar-street, Glasgow 
 
 1. 
 
 If e'er at Peg^y Janliuc's it was your luck to dwell, 
 
 It is odds but ye knew Sandy Feiguson well ; 
 
 If you opened hut i/our window, you could not choose but see 
 
 The leuious iu his wiuduw shining one, two, three. 
 
 2. 
 
 Oehou ! for Sandy Ferguson ! the k-nions still are there — 
 The jargonelle and pippin and the carvy-seed so fair ; 
 But iu spite of figs and oranges, and stalks of sugar candy, 
 I turn uot iu — I stagger by — oehou ! oehou for Suudy. 
 
 3. 
 
 A wee wee chap upon the bowl, then I pray you to put in, 
 And to leave a drop of heeltap I'd hold it for a sin ; 
 P'or though sad it be aud silent — yet a bumper it must be 
 That ye till unto the kiud ghost of Sandy with me. 
 
 4. 
 
 There were prouder on the mart — there were gayer on the mall. 
 There were louder at the What-you-please, aud wittier at the Stall — 
 But I will give my heart's blood, though every drop were brandy, 
 If either Stall or What-you-please knew such a heart as Sandy 1 
 
 5. 
 
 Then fill ye up your bumpers, friends, and join your hands around, 
 Aud drink your measure heartily, that sorrow may be drowned ; 
 For what avails our sorrow, friends, the best of beings maun die, 
 And here's a woeful proof of that — the Memory of Sandy ! 
 
 There is nothing more worthy of observation and praise in the 
 character of that precious fluid, punch, than its power of amalgama- 
 tion. Under its benign influence the most conflicting qualities 
 become reconciled ; and a party of weak, strong, sweet, and sour 
 people, form, like the " charmed drink" which they imbibe, one safe 
 and agreeable whole. This cannot be authorizedly predicted of any 
 other liquid comprehended within the range of our wide experience. 
 We had seen Thracian quarrels around all sorts of "Pocula," except 
 punch-bowls ; but there seems to be a divine air breathed from the 
 surface of a circle of china, or even of .stone or wood, when a wave- 
 less well of punch sleeps within, that soothes every ruder feeling into 
 peace, and awakens in the soul all the finer emotions of sensibility 
 and friendship. We are satisfied, that if punch were the uni- 
 versal tipple of Europe, there would be no more war — especially 
 if all the Continental States were to employ a judicious intermixture 
 of Lime-juice. In our Tent had been assembled for several hours 
 men of different countries, education, arid pursuits ; and Avho shall
 
 2S CHUisToriir.R rs thk tent. 
 
 pretend to know all the inlinito varieties of principle and opinion 
 that must have been colloc-tcd within that narrow i-ircurnftrenc(i '? 
 Yet all was perfect •hariiiuiiy — the Shepherd sat down with the 
 Dentist — and the C-ockney may be said to kive played in the Jiditor's 
 den. 
 
 Polities had been drowned in puneh ; and the following list of 
 toasts, whieh were all received with boundless acclamations during 
 the evening, will show that we looked only to Sporting Characters, 
 
 " AikI l<'fl nil moaner tliinirs 
 To low iiiiibitiou aiiil the pride of kiugs." 
 
 Mr. H. :Mackeuzie, l>y Dr. Morris. 
 
 Mr. Wiiher Sci.tt, I'V Ettrk-k Shepherd. 
 
 Mr. Francis Jetfrcy I'V Mr. Waslle. 
 
 Puke of WcUiiii^tou, by Mr. OJolit-rty. 
 
 Mr. James Maehel by Mr. Mulliou. 
 
 Mr. Croker by tlie Editor. 
 
 Mr. Caunini^ by Mr. S.-wnnl. 
 
 Mr. Jobu Hamilton, by Mr. Tickler. 
 
 Collector M'Nair by Mr. Jarvie. 
 
 Mr. Coke of Norfolk by Mr. Duller. 
 
 Mr. Wordsworth by Mr. Kempferhausen. 
 
 Sir Dan. Donnelly,* by Mr. Tims. 
 
 Mr. Thomas Beleher, by Mr. Price. 
 
 We should think very meanly of ourselves were we to attempt to 
 impo.se on public credulity, by a.sserting that we have a perfectly 
 distinct recollection of the latter part of the evening. We do, how- 
 ever, clearly remember that Kempferhausen who had most heroically 
 endured a gnawing tooth-ache for many hours, finally submitted his 
 jaw to the algebraical hand of Dr. Scott, who was not long of 
 extracting the square root — and that the ingenious German having 
 soon at'ter incautiously gone into the open air to admire the moon, 
 returned to his seat with one cheek whose magnitude was well 
 entitled to hold the other in derision, and whose colors were, indeed, 
 iruly prismatical. Such a face has rarely been seen — and we may 
 Bay to Dr. Scott of his patient, in the words of his great namesake, 
 
 " Alas ! the mother that him bore 
 Had scarcely known her child." 
 
 Of this subject Dr. Morris made on the spot a most .spirited 
 
 • " Immec'Utely after his victory over Oliver, Donelly .«et off in acliariot and four to Brighton, 
 where he wis knighted by a Prince Regent, lie is iherefnre, now. Sir Daniel lloni>liy.'' — lri.')h 
 Fapcr. Donelly was a strong, hard-fisteil Irishman, a carpenter by trade, wlio had I'oiight with 
 Oliver, an Kngliish pugili>t, in July, I^IO, and beaten him. On reluming to Dublin, Donelly 
 openeil a public-house, and u.-^ed to relate, to gaping and admiring auditors, how the Prince 
 Itegent had sent for him. after the fight, and knighted him. A couple ol years' hard drinking 
 finihhed him. and he died in Februar)'. I?'J(). — his immediate cause of illness being thirty-seven 
 tumbler" of punch taken in one silling ! Maginn.in Hlackwood (or .May. 1820, gave a '• Luctin 
 for the death of Sir Dan. Donelly," in whieh learning and wit vere largely employed and wull 
 blended. — M.
 
 THK FINISH. 29 
 
 sketch, which he intends to finish in oil, and present to us, that when 
 Kempferhausen returns to the Continent, we, liis Scottish friends, niav 
 still retain the image of one of our most enthusiastic contril)utors. 
 We have likewise a confused but dcliiihtful remembrance of the 
 whole party assembled at the Tent door, (while the domestics were 
 removing the furniture and preparing beds) in solemn contemplation 
 of the starry heavens. Never before did we so feel the genius of 
 Burns as when looking at our old friend the moon and her horns. 
 
 " Whether she had three or four, 
 We could na tell." 
 
 The Shepherd most vehemently asserted that he saw the comet — 
 and began spouting some obscure and opaque verses to her as 
 extemporaneous, M'hieh were, however, instantly detected by the 
 tenacioup memory of Tickler to have been written in 1811, when the 
 pastoral bard was flirting with the long tail of the celestial beauty of 
 that year. It was in vain for him to appeal to a late number of 
 Constable's Magazine, which no mortal had seen, and which the 
 Shepherd himself was forced to acknowledge had a sad trick of 
 trying* 
 
 " To mak auld claes 
 Appear amaist as well as new 1" 
 
 After this, there surely must have been a match at hop-step-and- 
 jump between Tickler and Dr. Scott — unless, indeed, it were on our 
 part all a dream. Yet we cannot get rid of the impression on our 
 minds, that we saw the latter making most surprising bounds among 
 the heather, and coming down with " a thud" posterior to each essay 
 — while the former cleared the ground like one of those gigantic 
 shadowy figures that are seen stalking across the hills at sunset. 
 There was also a very anxious search among the heather for Peter's 
 man John, and Wastle's man Thomas, who were nowhere t') be 
 found — and though the whole party, at one time, agreed that they 
 heard a snore from a jungle of brackens, we tried in vain to start the 
 game. We afterwards discovered that the sound must have pro- 
 ceeded from one of the numerous Highlanders stretched in their 
 plaids in each direction around the Tent ; for our two gentlemen 
 had, under the auspices of the Thane's gillies, paid a nocturnal visit 
 to a Still at work no great way off, from which it was not till a 
 decent hour after sunrise that they groped their way back to the 
 encampment. The last thing we recollect before going to bed, was 
 Odoherty's selling, to Mr. Tims, for £45, his gun, which we have 
 good reason to know he had purchased at the General Agency Office, 
 
 • The letter from Hopg. a copy of which is given in the present edition, will show that evt'n 
 up to the last year of his life, he was addicted to this "sad trick." — M.
 
 ?0 CTIRISTOrnKR Df THE TEAT. 
 
 Edinburgh, for £4, 4s. ; but we must also add, to the credit of the 
 Adjutant, that with Ills ae'custonied generosity he returned £5 of the 
 jnirchasi-nioiu'v. A general anxiets also j>rovaiUd among the party, 
 before bundling in, to send presents of birds to some of our ehief 
 absent Contributors; but it aj)peared that we had, "gentle and 
 simple," devoured upwards of sixty braee, and none but the 
 Edititr's paek remained, which was judicially retained for the relish at 
 breakfast. 
 
 We have no room, now, to describe our feelings on awaking in the 
 morning. For some miiuites we eould not form even the mtist 
 distant conjecture where or among whom we were ; but as the mist 
 gradually rose up from our brain, and freed our memory fron) obfus- 
 eation. there came upon us a pleasant dawning of the truth ; and on 
 beholding the bold nose and piercing eyes of Tickler looking out 
 from below an old worsted stocking tastefully wreathed into a night- 
 cap, with a long tail swaggering behind — and the fnie Spanish lace 
 of the Standard-bearer enjoying a magnificent yawn under a veteran 
 ftmiging-cap — we were at once let in to a perfect knowledge of our 
 situation, and we all then sprung from our heather-b<~l together, just 
 as John of Sky blew up his pi{)es to 
 
 " Hey ! Jolinnie Coup, iire ye waking yet? 
 Or are your drums a-beutiiiij yet { 
 If ye were waking, I would w;ut 
 To gaug to the Grouse i' the luoruing."
 
 ©UvCotoplujr in tilt g^ciit. 
 
 No. II.— SEPTEMBER, 1819. 
 
 We have no wish to inform the public of all the difficulties we had 
 to encounter in bringing out the last Number of our valuable Miscel- 
 lany.* It was on the evening of the IGth of August that we arrived 
 in Edinburgh from our Tent ; and as we had to ship off to London 
 on the 20th, the hurry-skurry and the helter-skeltei' at the Printing. 
 Office may be more easily imagined than described. Immediately 
 on stepping out of the Aberdeen coach, we came bob against Mr. 
 Blackwood, who exclaimed, "My gracious ! Mr. Editor, this is a fine 
 prank you have been playing us all ! The cry for copy is most 
 terrible — dog on it . . . . But goodness be praised, here you 
 are — come away up to Ambrose's." 
 
 We soon found ourselves sitting before a sirloin of beef and a pot 
 of porter ; and Mr. Ambrose, who saw there was something in the 
 wind more than usual, brought in the Steel Pen, our best japan ink, 
 and a quire of wire-wove. Having travelled much in coaches during 
 the early part of our life, we even now ate our dinner as in fear of 
 the horn ;f so that in less than quarter of an hour the sirloin was 
 removed with a deep gash on his side, and the empty porter pot rose 
 from the table at a touch. We scarcely took time to wipe our 
 mouths, and fell to, " totis viribus," like a giant refreshed, to the 
 " Twelfth of August," an article which we finished at a sitting, and 
 which we are happy to find has given very great and general satisfac- 
 tion. Ebony, meanwhile, lost not a moment in running down to the 
 Printing-Ofiice with a packet we had brought from the Tent — and on 
 his return, by way of showing his satisfaction, he whispered mine 
 host to place near our right hand a small bt)wl of cold punch, which 
 a Glasgow gentleman in the adjacent parlor had been kind enough to 
 manufacture ; and we felt it to be no less our duty to ourselves than 
 
 •The whole of Black-wood for September, 1819, was devoted to this article relatine the 
 sayings and doings of North and his companions in the Tent There evidently was a number 
 of miscellaneous articles already in type, and, with some ingenuity, these were worked into 
 the narrative,— occasionally, however, without much regard to consistency. The articles so 
 introduced occupied about half of the September number, — M. 
 
 t This was in the olden days of mail and stage-coach travelling, before railways were. It 
 in?v Se here incidentally noticed that railway travelling, as we have it now. did not coiumenc* 
 in Kngland. until the 15th September, 1S30, when the Liverpool and Mjuacliesler railway wan 
 opened, willi gr«at state. — M.
 
 32 CTIRISTOPnEK IN THE TENT. 
 
 to Messrs. Blackwood and Ambrose, to take a bumper fit the close 
 of every paragraph, which may possibly accoimt lor their being 
 somewhat slmrtfr than is usual in our full, free, and (lowing style of 
 conij)ositioiL 
 
 i'or three days — and we may almost add nights, there was no 
 occasion to sav to us *'sa^pe vertas stylum," for we boldly dashed at 
 every thing, fr(.>ni Don Juan to Slack, the Pugilist; and flew in a 
 inon'ient from the Cape-of-Good-IIojie to the Pyramids of Egypt.* 
 " ^Iv gracious, vuur versatility is most fearsome," murmured our 
 astonished publisher: '• It will be one of our best Numbers after 
 all.'' The truth is, that we felt nettled by the remark of Dr. Morris, 
 in his "Peter's Letters to his Kinsfolk," that we only laid plans for 
 others to executc.f and were determined to show the physician and 
 all the rest of the world, — first, that we are no sinecurists, — and, 
 secondly, that our seat is not at a Board under Government. 
 
 We are not personally known at the Printing-Oflice, so we hob- 
 bled down one midnight along with EbonyJ to witness the opera- 
 tions. What motion of many twinkling hands among compositors ! 
 "What display of brawny arms among j)ressmen ! What a stir of 
 printer's-devils ! '' The Editor's M.S. is growing worse and worse 
 every month," said a long sallow-faced stripling, with a page of the 
 Twelfth of August close to his eyes, as if he were going to ap]ily a 
 bandage — " What makes the young lads ay sae sair on Hairy 
 Brougham,! I wonder," quoth another — " Ilere's another slap at 
 Macvey," said a third, " that's really too bad." " I would not 
 grudge sitting up all night at another Canto of the Mad Banker of 
 Amsterdam," added a f )urlh — but not to be tedious, we were 
 pleased to observe, that on the whole a spirit of good humor and 
 alacrity pt-rvadcd the Office, and above all, that that vile Jacobinical 
 spirit, unfortunately but too prevalent among persons of their pnjfes 
 sion, had given way beneath the monthly influence of our principles; 
 and that the inflammatory and seditious lucubrations of the Yellow 
 Dwarf" Examiner,^ Scotsman, and other bawling demagogues, the 
 
 • It was even «o. Besides the articles already mentioned (page 10), the Aagust number 
 had papers on the opening Cantos of Don Juan, Kinigration to tlie Cape of liood-IIope, iho 
 Pyramid of Ca])hrenes. (opened by Belzoni. in Isl^*, and found to contain the bones of a cow or 
 bull,) and the conquest, in the prize-ring, of Broughton by Slack, the butcher. — M. 
 
 t In I'eter's Letters (Vol. ii. p. 'JJ.},) we find it thus written : — " It is not known who the 
 Editor is — 1 do not see how that secret can ever be divulged, as things now stand — but my friend 
 Wa-'tle tells me that he is an obscure man, almost continually confined to his apartments by 
 rheumatism, whose labors extend to little more than correcting proof-sheets, and drawing up 
 plans, which are mostly executed by other people.'" — M. 
 
 t '"And 1 looked, and behold a man clolhed in plain apparel stood in the door of his house : 
 and I saw his name, and the number of his name ; and his name was as it had been the colur 
 of Ebony, and hi.s number was the number of a maiden, when the days of the year of her 
 virginity nave expired." — Chaldee Manuscript, Chap. I., y. 3. In this Oriental prolixity w.\s 
 mention made of .Mr. Blackwood, No. 17 I'rinces-street, Edinburgh. — M. 
 
 U A bitter attack, " On a late Attempt to W^hite-wa-sh ]\Ir. Brougham' was one of the articles 
 in Blackwood for August. I>-19. There waa sarcastic mention, in another paper, on Ma:vey 
 Napier's di«>ertation on Lord Bacon. — ^L 
 
 i The Veliow Dwarf was a violent Teekly journal, published in London bv an ultra-Rai ical. 
 o&mrd 'V\'oolei. At the satae time, '1 iie Kxaminer was conducted by Leigh Hunt. — M.
 
 CAKMEN DLVBOIJCUM. 33 
 
 fruits of whose doctrines are now being reaped by the deluded 
 people of the north of England, were spoken of with indignation and 
 disgust. 
 
 We had slyly ordered a few gallons of punch to be brought down 
 to the ofl'ice, to give a lilUip to Uu' worthy workmen at the close of 
 their labors, and an excellent article might be written — indeed shall 
 be — entitled, "The Humors of a Printing-Oflice ;" but for the pre- 
 sent, our readers must rest satisfied with the following song, which 
 we understand was written by a devil not exceeding twelve years, 
 an instance of precocious genius unrivalled in the history of Pac- 
 denionium. 
 
 CARMEN DIABOLICDM. 
 
 Sung in Oliver &, Boyd's Printing-Office* on tfie Midnight between ihs 19<A a?ia 
 
 20th of August, 1819. 
 
 SOLO, BY BOWZY BEELZEBUB. 
 1. 
 
 When the vessel she is ready, all her rigging right and steady, 
 
 And the fine folks arrauged on the shore, 
 Theu they sliove her from the douk with a thunder of a shock, 
 
 And the ord'nauee sahites with a roar ; 
 But hefore the hausei-s slip to give sea-room to the ship, 
 
 To propitiate the winds, tliere is thrown 
 A flask of generous red, all along the bowsprit shed — 
 
 Then God bless her, they cry, and she's gone — 
 
 Grand Choruf of Devils. 
 
 God bless her — God bless her — she's gone — 
 With a yo-hee-vo. 
 
 SOLO, BY TIPSY THAMMUZ. 
 
 Thus when our latest sheet, to make Ebony complete. 
 
 Is revised, and thrown off, and stitched in, 
 And the Editor so staunch is pi-epaiiug for his launch. 
 
 Then he plunges his hand in the Bin. 
 " Now let every jolly soul lay his ears in the punch bowl, 
 
 " And be ready," he cries, with a shout — 
 " That our enemies may know, wht-n they hear our yo-hec-vc 
 
 We'll play hellf with them all when we're out." 
 
 Grand Chorus of Devils. 
 " Well play hell, well pkiy hell, when \^'e're out — 
 With a yo-hee-vo !" 
 
 •At this time Black-vrood -was printed by Oliver & Boyd. Tn 1820. it was i.wnshjrred to 
 James Ballaiilyne's Office, where it remained for more than thirty years. — M. 
 
 t Pope says, of a fashionable preacher, 
 
 "And never mentions Hell 'fore ears polite." 
 This, we think, is excellent advice, bah to the CUrgy and the Laity, even in less refineil 
 «ociety: but the reader will bear in mind that this Chorus was written by a devil, and sun;r by 
 a oat'.h of devils. These local allusions are, therefore, quite in place, and are sancUoiied also b»- 
 the authority of Milton. — C. N. 
 
 Vol. I.— 5
 
 84 CURlSl-orilEK IN TUE Tl-INT. 
 
 Well, out cnme the Magazine, as usual, on the 20th, when, according 
 to Hogg's celebrated sonnet, 
 
 " Oue brontliless husL e.\peutaut reigns from eliore to eliore." 
 
 But such is the strong inconsistency of all human desires, that no 
 sooner was the load utl' our shoiildi-rs, than we almost wished it on 
 again, and began to wonder what we should do with ourselves fur the 
 next t'ortuiglit. It was not mere ennui that beset us, for (since the 
 storv will uut, it is best we ourselves tell it) during our absence we 
 liau sutllred a domestic affliction which time may alleviate, but never 
 cai. wliully cure. For home had now no cliarms for us — that iofty 
 home once so still and pleasant, fourteen flats nearer heaven than the 
 grovelling ground-floors «jf ordinary nu'U — and commamling a mag- 
 nilicent view, not only of the whole New Town of Edinburgh, but 
 o*" the kingdom of Fife in front, to the west far as the towers of 
 Snowdon, and to the cjist the sail-studded expanse of the noble Frith, 
 and the rich corn-flelds of Lothian, 
 
 " The empire of Ediuburgb, to the tirtbest Bass." 
 
 Our housekeeper* had eloped with an English Bagman, who had met 
 the honest woman as she was coming home t'rom market with a cou- 
 ple of herrings in a kail-blade, and had been but too successful in 
 filling her imagination with those ntmantie notions of love and happi- 
 ness which tliat eloquent and accomplislicd class of men know so well 
 to instil into the too susceptible heart. The following letter was 
 lying on the little tri-clawed table at which we had so often drunk 
 tea together, and occasionally, perhaps, " sterner stufl'" — and ours, 
 you niay be assured, was not a soul to peruse it without tears. 
 
 " Best and Kindest of Masters, — Several niijbts before you read tbis, my fate 
 will have been imlissolubly united witli tiiat nf Mr. Perkius. I am no love-siok 
 girl, sir, of eif^bteeu — anil thouij;b I have known Mr. IVrkins only a few days, yet 
 I liave not entered rashly into this solemn league and cuvenaut I have observed 
 iu hiui a truly devout and serious spirit, and have in> doubt that he will tmn ttut 
 BO aa to satisly all my most anxious desires. Our marriage is a marriage of souls 
 — and as our religious principles are to a tittle the same, I trust that, unworthy 
 \8 we are, some portion of sublunary liappiness may be vouchsafed to us. Mr 
 Perkins, it is true, is some years younger tlian myself, being about tliirty-five, bu! 
 he looks considerably older than that, and has a sobriety and discretion far beyond 
 Lis yeai-8.f I know well that there will be much evil-speaking thioughout Scot 
 
 * Of thij »ery extraordinary woman we shall (rive a snoit memoir in an early Number, ac- 
 eom|ianieiI with specimens of her compositions, both in prose and verse. Her natural talents 
 Wfe great, and her literary atlninments by no means conteiiiptihle. She was lost to us in iha 
 57lh year of her aee. a danireruus tone of life to a female of cultivated mind, and rather too 
 (tnct ideaK on the subject of relipion — C. N. (An unfulfilled promise. — M.) 
 
 t It is an nnceriaincd fact, that although a young man i.-ireiy, with his own free will, mar- 
 ries an old woman, be jhe s)>inBter or widow : persons of the female sex are never found to h&vo 
 an aDti|>athy to a rnarriaje with men very much their juniors in ape. The fortitude and resig- 
 nation with which an old maid of forty s.ioinits to a matrimonial alliance yrith a bachelor 
 •I widower of taooty-live, art very exemplary. — M.
 
 ORIZZY TURNTJULL's ELOPEMENT. 35 
 
 laud about Uiia matter, — and that the public, censorious on people far my supe- 
 riors in all thiiii^, will not spare poor (irizzy Tuinijiill — but my lioart knowelh 
 its own puiilv, — and the idle gossip of an idle world will soon die; away. 
 
 "And niiw, iny ever dear master, let me confide to you a secret wliieh I have 
 treasured up in my heart these last twenty years — years, alas ! of misery and of 
 baijpiuoss, never again to leturn. Sinck the kirst nkjht i slki-t ii^nkath voia 
 BOOK 1 HAVK LOVED, MADLY LOVED YOU ! ycs, the Confession is made on paper at 
 Ijist — written over and over again, crossed and recrossed in every possil)le way, 
 as it long has been, by the trembling ham! of passion on my heart of heai-ts ! O ! 
 niy sweet master (suiely that word may be allowed to me in our parting hour), 
 for twenty years, come the Martinmas term, have I d<»ted upon thee ! yes ! I have 
 watched the progress of thy iheumatism with feelings whieh even thine own 
 mutcbless pen would fail to analyze ! Lord Byron himself could not panit the 
 conflict of passions that turmoiled within my bosom, when, under the guidance of 
 that angel of a man, Dr. Balfour, I rubbed that dear rheumatic leg on the sofa 1 
 ! our little tea-driukiogs ! but in the sweet woids of Campbell, 
 
 ' Be hushed, my dark spirit, for wisdom condemns, 
 
 When the faint and the feeble deplore. 
 Be firm as a rock of the ocean, that stems 
 
 A thousand wild waves on the shore ! 
 Througii the scowl of mischance, and the smile of disdain, 
 
 Let thy front be unaltered, thy courage elate, 
 Yea, even the name i have worshipped in vain. 
 Shall awake not a throb of reuKMubrance again ; 
 
 To bear is to conquer our fate ! ! ! ' 
 
 "Mr. Perkins must now be all in all to me — but though I will cherish him in 
 my bosom, uo code of laws, either human or divine, passes sentence of oblivion on 
 vanished hours of innocent enjoyment — and be assui-ed. that if I be ever blessed 
 •R-ith a fanuly, my second son (for I must call the first after its grandfather) shall 
 bear the christian and surname of my too, too dear master. But away with de- 
 lightful dreams, never, jjcrhaps, to be realized 1 and with such feelings as a new- 
 born infant might avow, I subscribe myself, yours as fit only, 
 
 " Gkace Peekins. 
 " I4:tk of August, 
 
 " IVritleti in the dear little blue parlor." 
 
 Had this unexpected blow fallen upon us during the bustle of win- 
 ter, we could have borne it. But at this srditary season, there was 
 nothing to lighten that load of grief, — in the ^\ ords of Michael An- 
 gelo, 
 
 El importune et grave selma, 
 
 mat absolutely bowed us down to the earth, — a grief the more acute, 
 from the sad conviction, that our inestimable Housekeeper had been 
 partly driven into Mrs. Perkins, by a hopeless and therefore undi 
 vulged passion for the Editor of this Magazine. To kill thought and 
 time, we lay in bed till eleven ; then ate some muffins from M'Ewan's, 
 *' which did coldly furnish up our breakfast-table," and hobbled down 
 the Mound, witless where to go. All was silence and desolation. 
 Not a soul going info the panorama of Algiers ; and the long line of
 
 36 CIIKISTOPITEE IN TIES TENT. 
 
 Prince's Street, from St. John's chapel to the Prince Recent Bridge,* 
 unbroken, save perhaps by some coach Mhecling along its pile of 
 diist-covcretl outsider. At the corner of some cross street sat some 
 hopeU'Ss fruittrer, with Ikt basl;»'t i>f gooseberries, "alas! all loo 
 ripe ;■' while perhaps stmie unLeky school-boy, who was drawling his 
 dull hiilidavs in town, hesitatingly eyed the small red hairy circlets 
 and had the rc^^oliition to pass by with his halfpemiy in his hand. 
 The linen-blinds shaded the shop-windows, in winter and spring so 
 gorgeously displayed, and not one gay and ])uzzing insect was seen 
 to enter or issue from the deserted hive. The Middle Shop itself, 
 two little months ago, before our shoes were old hi which we went to 
 the moors, 
 
 " So full of laughiug faces and bright eyes," 
 
 stood empty and silent, save when some summer-stranger from the 
 South came in to ask for a copy of the last Number of Blackwood's 
 Ma<Mzine or of Peter's Letters, or when we ourselves hobbled in, and 
 received an unwitnessed greeting from our jiulilisher, whom the well 
 kncwn sound of our foot had brought forth with a pen behind his ear, 
 from the Sanctuni SaUv'torum. Even in Ambrose's the sound of the 
 grinders was low. The ordinary in Barclay's tavern, at which we 
 have seen thirty pair of knives and forks at play, did well if it exhib 
 ited half a-dozen mouths ; and the matchless weekly suppers of the 
 Dilettanti at Young's (to Avhich we are sometimes admitted), had, in 
 the heat of the weather, melted quite away. True, the Theatre was 
 open, but it was likewise empty ; and O'iSJeill, Farren, Abbott, and 
 Jones, sighed, wept, doted, laughed, and whisked about in vain. 
 Would you go down to the sea-side] There some solitary bathing 
 machine voided its nudity into the waves, or some parsimonious 
 bachelor sat wiping his hairy length on a stone ; while, perchance, 
 one of the London packets sailed briskly from the pier, and seemed 
 soon to carry away into the dim distance the scanty remains of the 
 population of Edinburgh. 
 
 in this state of mind, it would have been folly to remain in town ; 
 so we resolved once more to join the Tent, which had ikjw taken root 
 in the Highlands; and while trying to take courage to buy a ticket 
 in the Perth Breakneck, f we strolled into our favorite smiff and to- 
 baceo shop, and filled our cannister with Princes' mixture and segars. 
 There, while admiring the beautiful arrangements of pipes, boxes, 
 «Sic., and regarding with a friendly afTi'ction the light, airy, ;ind grace- 
 ful figure of the fair Miss Fanny Forman,t we mentally indited the 
 following lines : — 
 
 • IxMalitiea in Kdinbiirgh.— M. t An appropriate name foravery fast-^oinfr slage-coach. — M. 
 t In a preruiUK nuniljer of Maga. a sonnet by Mr. Gillies had celebrated tlie churtns of MiMi 
 Forui&D, vt'liu kejit a lubacconiii'a ithop in I'lince's-ntreet, Edmliurgti.— .M.
 
 JOHN KAI.LANTYNE. 37 
 
 LINES TO MISS FANNY FORMAN, ON BIDDING HER FAREWELL. 
 By the Veiled Editor of Blackwood's Magazine. 
 
 L 
 
 Oh 1 the grass it sprini;s green on the Street of the gay, 
 
 And the mall 'tis a desolate sight : 
 And tlie beaux anfl the belles they are all far away, 
 
 Ami the city's a wilderness quite. 
 And I too will wander — at dawn of the day 
 
 I will leave the dull city beliiud ; 
 I will ti'ead the free hills, and my spirits shall play 
 
 As of old, in the spring of the wind. 
 
 II. 
 
 Yet, a lowly voice -whispers, that, not as of old, 
 
 Shall to me the glad spiiit be given : 
 Tho' the lakes beaming broad in their glens I behold, 
 
 And the hilLs soaring blue in the heaven : 
 That the kind hand of Natuie in vain shall unfold 
 
 All her banner of innocent glee — 
 For the tle|>ths of my soul in despondence are rolled. 
 
 And her mirth has no music for me. 
 
 III. 
 Yes, o'er valley and mountain, where'er I may go, 
 
 That voice whispers sadly and true, 
 I shall bear, lovely Fanny I my burden of woe — 
 
 Cruel maid — my remembrance of you 1 
 As some cloud whose dim fleeces of envious snow, 
 
 The lays of the evening-star eovei", 
 Thy memory still a soft dimness shall throw. 
 
 O'er the languishing breast of thy lover. 
 
 While we were casting about in this way whom should we see 
 turning the corner of Hanover-street in an elegant detmet, and at a 
 floble trot, but our excellent friend Mr. John Ballantyne ?* We 
 twought he had still been on the Continent, and have seldom been 
 more gratified than by the unexpected apparition. There he was, as 
 usual, arrayed in the very pink of knowingness — grey frock and 
 pebble buttons, Buckskins, top-boots, &c. — the whip — for Old 
 
 • John Ballantyne was next brother to .Tames. Scott's printer and confidential friend, and liko 
 him, was in the secret of the Waverley Novels. In 1S09, he was started by t-cott and hislirother, 
 ill the publishing house of " John Ballantyne & Company." at Edinburgh, in opposition to 
 C'->nstable. One of his first publications was Scott's Lady of the Lake. After the success of 
 Waverley. he published a wretched novel, "TheW 'ow's Lodgings " The publishins busine.-s 
 di*-" not succeed, and the firm was di.'^solved. John Ballantyne then became an auctioneer. ;i 
 busine.<s for which he was well qualified. In 1^17. Scott contributed several minor poems to ii 
 peiioJical of his called "The Sale Room."' Ballantyne died June, 1^21. aged 45. Scott attend- 
 ed his funeral, and said, " 1 feel as if there would be less sunshine for me from this day forth." 
 Lockliart says, '' He was a quick, active, intrepid little fellow ; and in society so very lively and 
 amusing, so full of fun and merriment : such a ihwroughly lighi-nearted droll, all over quaint- 
 ness and humorous mimicry ; and moreover, such a keen and skilful devotee to allmannerof 
 field-sports, from fox-hunting tc b.^dger-baling inclusive, that it was no wonder he should havo 
 made a favorable impression on Scott." And again, " Of his style of story-telling it issutlicient 
 to say that th^ late Charles Mathews's 'Old Scotch Lady.' was but an imperfect copy of tho 
 original, which the c.reat imitator first berird in my presence from his lips."' — M.
 
 88 cnRisTOPHKR rs Tin: tkxt. 
 
 Murtality needs no whip — tlan<;ling from the horn behind — and that 
 fine _voun>x <ire\v. Dominie Sampson, eaperinji round al»<>iit him in 
 the madness of his hilarity.* Whenever we mot hist spriiifj we used 
 to have at least a half-hour's doleful chut on the projrress and symp- 
 toms of our respective rheumatisms — but Ballantyne now cut that 
 topic short in a twiiiklinfr, assurinj; us he had fjot rid of the plague 
 entirely — and, indeid, nobody could look in his merry face without 
 seeinp that it was so. We never croak to people that are in sound 
 health — and, therefore, not likely to enter into the sjVirit of our 
 miseries; so, atleetinji; an air of j^orfeet vigor, we i)egan to talk, in 
 the most pompous manner, about our late exploits in the moors, 
 regrettinfr, at the same time, that Ballantyne lia<l not come home in 
 time to make one of our party on the I'ith of August. '" We are 
 just olT again for Braemar," said mc. " The devil you are," sjiid 
 John, "I don't much care to go with you if you'll take me." "By 
 all means, you delight us," said we. "Well," cried he, "what 
 signifies bothering, et)me along, I'll just call at Trinity f for half a 
 dozen clean shirts and neckcloths, and let's be oti'." " Done," said we, 
 mounting to the lower cushion, "only just drive us over the way and 
 j)ick up our portmanteau." No sooner said than done, in less than 
 an hour wc found ourselves, with all the cargo on board, scudding 
 away at twelve knots an hour on the Queens-ferry road. 
 
 During the whole journey to our Tent, we were kept in a state of 
 unflagging enjoyment by the conversation of our companion. Who, 
 indeed, could be dull in immediate juxta-position w ith so delightful a 
 compound of wit and warm-heartedness] We have heard a thou- 
 sand story-tellers, but we do not remember among the whole of them 
 more than one single individual, who can sustain the briefest com- 
 parison with our exquisite bibliopole. Even were he to be as silent 
 as the tomb of the Capulets, the beaming eloquence of that coupite- 
 nance alone would be enough to ditfuse a spirit of gentle jovialty 
 over all who might come into his presence. Wc do not think Allan 
 has quite done justice to Mr, Ballantyne's face, in his celebrated 
 masterpiece, " Ilogg's Ilouse-hoating." lie has caught, indeed, the 
 quaint, sly, archness of the grin, and the light, quick, irresistible 
 glance of the eyes ; but he has omitted entirely that fine cordial suf^ 
 fusion of glad, kind, honest, manly mirth, which lends the truest 
 charm to the whole physiognomy, because it reveals the essential 
 
 • I.ockh&Jt iRvi, " Hit horsei were all called after heroes in Scott's poems or noveli ; and at 
 lhi» lime ne usually rode up to his aucUon on a tall milk-white hunter, yclept (Jld Muriatity, 
 atl) nded by a leuih or two of greyhounds, — Die Vernon, Jenny Uenni^on. .Vc, by name. — M, 
 
 t In John Ualiantyne's latter days, he wa^ tittinf: up a mansion near Kelso, which he calle<l 
 Walton Hall, but in l~l!l. he inhabited Harmony Il.ill. by Trinity, near the Frith of Torlb. 
 " Here," says Lockhart, " liraham quavered, and h<?re Li»t"n drolltd his best. — here Johnktune, 
 ind .Murray, and Vaten, mixed jtut and stave. — here Kean revellfd and rioted. — and here die* the 
 Roman Kembla often play the Oreek Irmn sunset to dawn. Not did the popular cantalri.i or 
 dnns'u^r.ul the time disdain to freshen her roses, after a laborious week, amidst these I'Hpliian 
 toweni of Harmony HaU.--.M.
 
 THEODORE HOOK, 3D 
 
 elements of the oliaractcr, whose index that most original physiog. 
 nomy is. But tlie voice is the jewel — who shall ever describe its 
 wonders'? Passing at will through every note of seriousness and 
 passion, down into the most dry, husky, vibrations of gruffiiess, oi' 
 the most sharp fcehlc chirpings of old woman's quernlousncss, 
 according to the minutest specialties of the character introduced for 
 the moment upon the stage of that perpetual Aristophanic comedy ; 
 his conversation — why. Bannister, Mathews, Liston, Yates, Russel — • 
 none of them all is like John Ballantyne, when that eye of his has 
 fairly caught its inspiration from the sparkle of his glass.* 
 
 Even here in our gig where we had neither bottle nor glass, a few 
 pufl's of one of Miss I'orman's segars, as Odoherty describes them. 
 
 The true Havana smooth, and moist, and brown. 
 
 were enough to kindle and rekindle as much mirth as was consistent 
 with the safety of the vehicle that contained us. Among other things 
 he told us a great many capital stories about his late tour to the 
 Netherlands, expressing, as he went on, in every particular of look, 
 voice, and gesture, the very corporal presence and essence of his 
 friends the Ilogan-mogans. Theodore Hook* — Pro\ost Creech — 
 and Joseph Gillon, each had his niche in this Peristrephic Panorama 
 of remembered merriment, and of each he told us innumeral)le new 
 aiiecdtjtes — new to us at least — which we would give not a little to 
 be able to reproduce for the edification of our readers ; l)ut alas ! it 
 wouhl require a much bolder man than we are to attempt the hazard- 
 ous experiment of serving up such dainties in a hash. Une of Joseph 
 Gillon's good things, however, we shall venture on, because the wit 
 of it is of that kind which disdains to be improved by passing thro\igh 
 the lips of any man, even of Ballantyne. Joseph happened to be in 
 a certain pretty numerous party at Edinburgh (would he had never 
 
 • Hi2;h as this eulogy is. contemporary report fully confirms it. Scott used to call John 
 Ballantyne by the name of Riiiilinn I'unniilns^ while to his brother James, who was pompous 
 and .solemn, he pave the familiar title oi JUilibnronte p/in.scnp/tornin. — M. 
 
 t Theodore Edward Ilonk, whose dramas and novels have been very popular, and show 
 lively wit and much knowledge of the world, was horn in 17?^, and produced his fir.^t play 
 before he was 17. The work of fiction called ''Sayings and l.loings," of which three sfiries 
 were published, rank among his best works — but others were popular also, such 's Jack IJra:r, 
 Gilbert <jurney (in which he sketched somj of his own ailventures), literally filled with 
 tun. He was editor of ihe John Hu/t, a. London newspa.[ier, commenced in order to aid the 
 Torf party, by kten and humorous attacks upon Queen Caroline, (wife of George IV.) in 
 llji)-"21. In that Journal appeared the celf brated Letters of Mrs. Rams bottom, in which, follow- 
 ing the example of SinoUets Winifred Jenkins, bad spelling was managed so as to excite the 
 merriment usually elicited by humorous writing. Mr. Thackeray has extended. perhaps not im- 
 proved, this description of coinpo.-ition. As an impTOvixatrne, Hook had no equal in England 
 in hi.s lime He died in August, 1>41. — Creech was a bookseller in Ed.nburgh. who. in the 
 early part of the present century was the Prince of the Trade. Well educated (for he had been 
 iiiteniled for ihechuroh). he was the life of good society, a capital story-teller, a iively com- 
 p.inion, and even a composer otjeiix il'espril lor the newspnpers He attained tiie high position 
 01 Lurd I'rovost of Kdinburgh. but the publication of the Edinburgh Review, by Constable, 
 may be said to have virtually dethroned him — .loseph (jillon was a W. S. (writer of the tJignelX 
 and I believe, eve -itually became one of the door-keepers in the House of Lords, in London. — M
 
 40 
 
 cuKiSToniKi: in thk iknt. 
 
 IcA us!) at the time wlicn tlu' Nortlniii Wliips wore cvcrywhorij 
 c'Xritin;^ llifir liiii^s in tin- fir.st uf those systriiiati<' l)laHl'i wliitli have 
 siiKv swfllcd the iiillaiiiinublc liiiiKtoii «>(' lirou^hani to that imuioJo- 
 ratf hulk, ''.losriih.'' whis|u'ri'<l a iii<><l<'st 'I'oiv in cdmitaii)', "you 
 have seen this yoiin;; leUow — wlial is your real ojiininn ot' liijii \ Do 
 yiiH think the man xcill rise, Juncp/i .^" " Aye," (|iiutli .Joseph, " I'll ho 
 hoiunl he will — at a i/encnil rtsinr/.^^ One clay Gillon was very 
 niiwill (it was in .July), an<J Mr, Halhintyne went to visit him. Ho 
 found him on u eou<-h in his writinjj <-haml>er, surnnuide*! I»y all his 
 clerks and apprentices; "What, Gillon," .said he, "this piac*; is 
 iMHiiij^h to kill ye, man, it is as hot as an oven ;" " and what lor no, 
 man ,'"' erit-d .loscph, " it's the place whar 1 mak my hread, man."* 
 We lie^ pardon for these stories ; liul really .iose]>h was a true wit 
 AVhv does he not try his harnl at a coMlriliiilion now and then ? Hut 
 perhaps the worthy "door-keeper in lli'- Lord's h(»iise'' would have u 
 (txt aj,'ainst ns were wc to make the applii-ation. 
 
 A ^'reat deal of his talk turned also (y///,v ihthituvnit ?) on Paris. 
 Jle seems, in deed and in truth, to have done what Aliladi Mor^fan was 
 8aid t(» have done,- — he has seen Paris from the, {j;arret to tlm saloon, 
 from the Palais ]{oyaI to the Catacomhs.j We had great j>leasnro 
 in he.'irinjf his ace<junt of all tlu^ strange doings and goings on of that 
 remarkable eity — a city in Mhich we ourselves have sj)ent many 
 ha[»py — alas! very hapj>y days and nights. While the names of the 
 m<Mlcrn lieaiix and belles of that liegal City fell gli'ily from the lips 
 of the bibliopule, Diint and sliadi>wy visiijus of the, beaux and beliea 
 of her former days rose in dim and lleet suceossion before our too 
 f-iithful eye of im:iginatioii. Kind, jovial, elegant J )ue de la Cirehi- 
 bouehe, friend of our youth — friend and patron! — alas! whert; be 
 now thy petits .s(»n[)er8! Beautifid, radiant, luxurious Madame la 
 
 Hi< he !| but wherefore renew yet again these soul-piening n^tro- 
 
 Hpeetions? While wt; were in the midst of our melaneliolv abstrac- 
 tion, our friend beg;in chanting, in his own light, elastic, bounding 
 style, that excellent French song, — 
 
 I'll Ariijlfli'rre n co cui'oii dit 
 
 C'cHt imeclidso (k-H piijn rurea 
 Momir (Iuuhhou lit. — 
 
 All! OVA Aiiirlais ImrbarcH I 
 Si iiiK- (liiiiH' citl cnii'llu 
 
 VA tH' l:iinM' lii'ii <rcHp(iir — 
 Son iidii'ii It Iji Imlit- — 
 
 Jirtt piircorcle ou ruzuir, <tc. Ac. 
 
 " Uy the way, Afonsienr Jean," said we, " did you lake any lessons 
 
 • Tlii« i« nn»t fif Uio II. nut vniiflrBli]*- iind nolorioimof ilic lali? Mr .Iniicph Mill<!r"H .lokm.— M. 
 
 1 John llallantynn fmiiiunlly vimtftl tho Conlinnnl to )>urclinjin, or tnkn oun,u^niiionU ol 
 fcfliol" of rirMi, fcc, for lim very ctili-lirnlnil niii'tinnn in nunovcr-iitrrnt. KilinlmrRli — M. 
 
 t 'I'lir.., till»» «|.|"nr «ii«|iicii>iiii. Crre-la-buuchc iiiiglil bu iiiloriiruteJ wax-iaouth, and 7>J 
 DuAt tuiiiinJi ui ol— » ilu|{'i •utei.— M.
 
 THK 8WOKM) KXKK0T8E. 41 
 
 ill fonoitij; vvhoji yon wotv in P;iris?" T*^ 1»o siiiv," snid lio, " I spout 
 tiiivo iM- tour hours ovorv luoniiii;; in tlu' S;ilK> <U>s arinos, juid I 
 boliovo 1 conU\ now (ako my inohos ovon at voiifrt' point n<iainsl any 
 swordsman in Sootland/' " Not so last, iViiMid," said wo, "not (jtiit'o 
 so last, noilhor. llavi" yon nioasnrod foils yot with Franoalanza ?'"* 
 "No. taitli," quoth hi'; "hut 1 havo soon his advortisomtMit. and 
 shall oortainly i-all npon him tho vory day I rotuni \o Auld IvooUio.' 
 " llavo yom- donhlot woll linod thon. (liovaniii." wo roturiiod. "and 
 soo that your mask sits oloso ahont your oars, and oxpool. with all 
 your jnvoantions. to oomo b.aok witlitho marks of liis Imllon hotwoon 
 every pair ol" your ribs ; for wo iiavo I'onood with tho Ixolaiuls, tlio 
 An^olos. and most of tho an)atinirs in tho ihroo kiniid(>ms — hul, 
 Hoavon lorhid wo should ovor vontnro a soooiid tri;d with this 
 Italian!" " An Italian is ho?" orios l>aIlantyno ; "1 think 1 havo 
 hoard his namo niontionod in Paris." " Vory prohablv." said wo, 
 " ho is woll known thoro — ^ho ItMu-od a i:;roat manv voars ;il;;o witii 
 Augoroau, who said ho had tho linost turn of a wrist, and, without, 
 cxooption, tho niost irrosistiMo pair ot' I'yos lio had ovor mot willi." 
 '' 'J'ho marshal." ijutMh .lohii. "must bo admitti-d to l>o an oxi-ollont 
 iud^o ; ho is allowod to bo tho th'st Iintniiic-d'cpn' in all Franoo, old 
 as ho is." "()ur own Prinoo Ko<Tont," wo oontinuod, "Is not a bad 
 jwdi^o noithor ; and wo havo ro;iS(Mi to know that ho has s«>oii 
 Franoalan/a tomv, and thinks at loast as hii:;hly <>t' him as Marsh.al 
 Ani^oroan.f Wo oursolvos havo hoard both Loslio and Fndorwood, 
 tho two linost amatoin* swordsn\ou in thoso islands, boar tho ii\ost 
 nno(|uivooal tostimony to his morits ; wo usod to lui'ot with thorn 
 ollon at his rooms in C^itoaton-stroot. llo is a ixlorious lollow— and 
 let us toll you, Mr. Hallantyno, his lingors manaiio I ho jxuil.ir just a>^ 
 woll as thoy do tho rapior. llo sinj^s and plays i\uioh in tho sanu'. 
 oharinini^ stylo with that prinoo o\' i^ood follows and artists, John 
 !Sohotky."J "Why, ho will bi> quiio an :iO(<nisition," oriod Hallan- 
 tyno; "wo i\nist jxot hin\ into tho Diioltanti with all spood." " Wo 
 wish to hoavons you would not oursolvos into tlu' Pilottanti, Mr. 
 John," rotnrnod wo; " wi> h.avo spokoii of it a lluuisaiul timi>s, but 
 you'll novor oondosoond to proposo ns wlion a b;illot i-oinos aluuit." 
 
 • l'r.inoal;in/.n niul Ivobuut vvoio i'Miiiii'i\l iVnoinij-m.istnrs, in Kilinl>«rpli, in 1S1<), — M. 
 
 t .■\uKor<'->ii, Olio ol' Nai>oli'on's m:ii>hals. oii>.iii>il Itviko tif Oasliiilioni', (>•• lus bi.tvory nt (lifl 
 b.iltlos of C:>sti:;lioni> nii.l Aivohi. in ITlMi lli< m<ivi>iI Napolmn Tail liluMy, >•<•(. on liis I'all in 
 ISI I. \va.< oni' ol" till" lii-si lo join ll»> H.nirl>ons On ilii' iftiirn fioni KUia. in 1^1.1, lie oll'i<roil li> 
 »i'rvt> Ins olJ nia.-^liT, w lio iln-liin'ii liavniK any lliint l.i ilo with liiin, .1 ilonlilo traitor. 
 Ans<>rt<au. was one iXilm l»>st sworlMUon in tin' liran.l Ariuv. — M. 
 
 } .lolin Si-lit'iliv liaii luM'n a stall-sur^joon, nnil<>r Wi'llin«lon, in llui l'i>nins\ilar War, anJ liaj 
 altainctt sonu> i-miuiimuh', a* an aniat'Mir, bofon* llu> |n>aoe of ISl.') omli'il liis pii)li<ssiiinal oart'tir. 
 S.'lllinK/'l Kilinlmif;!! ln> oarnoslly a|i|>ln>il liiniM<ll lo painlinj;. nr. Morns ^I.o^•kllarO navs, 
 in IVtsr's l,t>iliMs, " that his tri"i<s— Ins rocks— his l'yri'ui>i<s, si'oin to bit>allii> anil b« alivo with 
 till' spirit of Ihi'ir Maki-r, anil hi' has no superior, hut oiio | Piirnt'r ') in iMorv ihiiijr that ri'i;ar>lii 
 the ciaml ami iiivsliTimis flo,|ii.'iii-<> of thi' rloinl aiul skv." Soholky wai oiio ol llif Pili'ltanil 
 So-n-ty, of wliioh WiUon w.oa pnsiJcnt, wluoh m.'ty acoonnt for tho fruMnlly iiotiop of hiiii lu. 
 iilnivo. — M.
 
 42 CIIKISTOI'IIKU IN TIIK TKNT. 
 
 " Wait a littlo ; have patience, my dear Editor," cried John ; " there':} 
 a braw time eoiiiiug Vet."' We shall keep our eye upun Mr. John 
 Balhmtyne next winter, and, depend on it, if he neglects to introduce 
 us tu this illustrious society, we shall not he easily pacified.* In the 
 mean time, seeing that we had given him a little ollence, we pro- 
 posed to eidiven our jouniey by singing a tew duets together, whieh 
 we did. We think lioih ot' ns were particularly happy in that 
 exquisite genuine old High j)utch one, — 
 
 PersantriViiit clericus 
 
 Durch einem prihinn trahlt 
 Viilflsit ibi stiiiiti'in, sUiiilein, etantem, 
 
 A'in Miuidtlein tfuhlgf.UalU 
 Siilva sis piU'lUila 
 
 (juiU i/niss dich Mixgdehin fe'in, <tc., «tc. 
 
 "I hope," said Ballantyne, "that you will return to Edinburgh in 
 time, at least, for the grand ^Musical Festival. We never could do 
 without you. By the way, I cannot 1)ut be rather surprised that you 
 are not one of the directors, Mr. E<litor." — We assured our good 
 friend, that the omission of our name in that list was entirely owing 
 to oursL'lves; that it had been early put down by Lord Gray \\ but 
 we hate all kind of notoriety, and therefore retjuested his Lordship 
 to be so good as to withdraw our name, at the same time prolnising 
 him, or any other of the directors, every assistance and advice in our 
 power. " You see that we are to have Dragonetti's double l>ass| — 
 what a perfect volcano! — a very earthipiake it is, A[r. Editor! — but 
 I am extremely anxious that you should hear little Signoi*a Corri." — 
 "Hear little Sigiu)ra Corri !" we rejilicd : " have we not dandled the 
 little syren on our knee a hundred times, when she was in frock ? and 
 were not we ourselves the first to prophecy her future noise in the 
 world, and suggest to her jiapa the projtriety of sending her to Cativ- 
 lani ?|| Those were pleasant nights, John, when we used to sit at the 
 long supper-table of Signor Corri, and sometimes inspirited by no- 
 yeau and cherry bounce, venture our own cracked voice in a glee; 
 
 • The Dilettanti of Rdinburgh professed to be arhitri effs;nntinnim in all matters of art and 
 taste, but really did lit'le more than eat good dinnerii, and spend social evenings at Voung'a 
 Tiivern. — I\l. 
 
 t A Scottish peer, and not to be confounded with the English Earl Grey, Prime Minister, 
 1S«l-:{4.— M. 
 
 ' Wliai liiittrsini is in l^-Sl (the best double-bass in the world), Dominico Dragonetii was in 
 ISM), and lor imtri: than twenty years after. — .M. 
 
 II Angelica Catalani, who made her ilehtil at Rome in ISU'i; her itninediato and immense 
 dUw'cHss oltained her cxo'lleiit en(;a;;eincnls at the principal thnatres in Italy. Nt!W trtiiiniihs 
 awaited lii^r at l.ii>boii, .Madrid, and l'ari.«, which wt'ie oul.-^li<me by her l>rillinnt sncci!.s.i in !.'■«- 
 don in I'^UO. She remained ciglit years in I'^ngland. singinj; at the Italian Oi)era. and in llio 
 proTinces. After the Kestoration she went to I'aris. became manager of the Opera Biilfa there. 
 lout her money, returned to England in l^'J'i, and waji greeted as an old and deserving favuriie 
 In lei^ ihe commencd a farewell rou nd of engagements in the chief European cities, and re- 
 lurned in KiO. In hir youth she was li.'indsuiiie. .and hail a good fi>;uri- ; when I saw her. iit 
 IS'JS. «ho waji middle-ai:ed and stout, but her voice had wonderful brilliancy and power. Her 
 himband. a Trench oIKcer. named Valaber<|ue. iis>'d to say, " Doo or dree poupels and mine ladv 
 — rutin tk« opera." She died ufcholera, in InV.), at I'arw.— M.
 
 INTERIOR OF TriE TENT, 43 
 
 l)ut, in truth, car is everything — ' tutto, tiitto, tntto ;' — as the Corri 
 used to say, ' 1 do like vast well fur to hear Signer Christojihero 
 sing // sua (jxsto e perfetto.'' " 
 
 A message from our compositor forces us to cut short, and to re- 
 serve for another Numl)er our account of Dunkeld, and other noblo 
 Highland scenery which we visited on our way to the Tent. Indeed 
 we have wlujle volumes in our brain about the Highlands, and can 
 never hope to live long enough to utter all we think, feel, and know 
 of that wonderful country. For the present, gentle reader, imagine 
 yourself sitting between ourselves and Mr. Ballantyne a little for- 
 ward on the seat for the sake of room, and once more behold our 
 Tent rising before you, almost like a native production — that snow- 
 white graceful pyramid. Who are those figures issuing from the 
 door 1 — Need you ask ? — Tickler and the Standard-bearer. Mr. J}al- 
 lantyne gently pulled up Old Mortality, when about quarter of a 
 mile from the Tent, and took out of his pocket that seven-league 
 spy-glass of his, presented to him by Adie, that most piercing of op- 
 ticians ; and putting it into our hands, said, " Tak a keek at the cal- 
 lans." We did so — and Tickler and Odoherty seemed standing Viy 
 the very nose of Old Mortality. The Sage had a pro-^igious whisky- 
 bottle in his hand, from which the Adjutant was leeeiving a bumper 
 with a steady hand and determined countenance ; and never saw we 
 any mortal man take "his morning'' with more relish — we abuost 
 thought M^e heard the smack of his lips, as the warm genial fluia de- 
 scended into his penetralia. " Give me a keek," said the Bibliopr^le. 
 lie applied the tube to his ogles ; but just as he had caught a glimpse 
 of Tickler in the act of having the compliment returned by the Stand- 
 ard-bearer, a fine hare sprung up from a bush on the roadside, and 
 after her away scoured Dominie Sampson. Mr. Ballantyne bounced 
 out of the dennet as if he had been discharged from a catapulta, and 
 lighting upon his feet, he joined the pursuit straight up a steep, stony, 
 heathy hill, shouting aloud, " Halloo ! halloo ! halloo !" and was out 
 of sight in less than no time. We laid the reins on Old Mortality's 
 back, and told him to jog on quietly to the Tent. " God bless you 
 all, our dear Contributors," was all we could say, for our heart was 
 full to behold them again all looking so well, and so happy to see 
 us. When the first burst of congratulation was over, we were espe- 
 cially delighted to see Tims, whom we again shook coi'dially by the 
 hand, his little finger being now, he said, quite healed under the care 
 of Drs. Scott and Morris. Tims seemed quite an altered man. He 
 had let his beard grow, that he might have a rural, a pastoral ap- 
 pearance, like the Ettrick Shepherd ; and he was ready to leap out 
 of his skin when we remarked the resemblance. This beard of his 
 consisted of perhaps about one hundred hairs, seemingly very soft 
 and silky, and altogether of a different character from the mustachios
 
 44 CnRISTOl'IIKK LX THE TENT. 
 
 of tin- lOtli TIu>isars. " !My diar Tiiiis, you are a perfi-ot Anron." — 
 ''J hunt shove siiioe you went away to [Scotland,'" said the little ex- 
 ulting Cockney — '• neither no more has Pricey." The gentleman 
 designated 1»y this endearing diminutive then caught my eye, and 
 l)card cn<iugh he had with a vengeance. Price is a big lumbering 
 fellow, not so much amiss in the way of good looks; and we do not 
 know how it is, hut he always rendnds us of that able-bodied barber, 
 wIk) comes lolloj»|>ing into one's bi-d-room, of a morning, in the Old 
 llimimums, CVtvent-Ganlcn, insisting upon the immediate delonsure 
 of you, noJentis volentis. But we had little time to spend upon 
 Mister Price and his whiskers; fir we missed Dr. Scott in the 
 throng, and loudly called lor the Udontist. Alas! he too soon ap- 
 peared, mounted upon his white pony — in every respect the same 
 vision that so delighted us some weeks ago. 
 
 " But, oliui) ! the Doctor's (lepartni-o is near, 
 Umorellii uiifmlcti, uiitl iiK>uiite<.i liis gear.'' 
 
 " It's a sad thing, Mr. Editor, for freens to part ; but afl* I maun 
 gang ; 1 deliver up the Tent and the Contributors all hale and hearty 
 into your ain hauns (the Doctor had been Viceroy during our ab- 
 sence), see you keep them a' as quale as 1 hae done. O ! he's a sair 
 rum)>awger, that Odoherty, and gude faith, Tickler's but little better. 
 Mr. Buller,* with the brazen nose, is a fine civil, clever, weel-informed 
 laddie ; and 1 canna say that 1 dislike that Seward either ; but ye ken 
 a' their characters brawly yoursel' — so, fareweel — fareweel. O ! 
 !Mr. Editor, I'm maist like to greet." We need not say how much 
 allected we ourselves were ; and wo wanted words to express onr 
 concern when the Ettrick Shepherd advanced, and proposed a round 
 of genuine Glasgow punch (from a small bowl which he held in his 
 fist) to the liealth of the worthy Doctor, a safe journey, and a hearty 
 Welcome in No. 7, Millar-street. Just as the Doctor had received 
 his glass, the Shepherd threw his plaid over his shoulder, and fixing 
 his honest light grey eyes, swimming in tears, on the departing Udon- 
 tist, he thus gave vent to his own and our feelings in immortal song. 
 
 l'eNVOY ; AN EXCELLENT NEW SONG IN HONOR OF DU. SCOTT. 
 Bi/ the Ettuick Shepherd. 
 Tune — " Graniniachree." 
 1. 
 Draw water of tlie ei^ldogt — di'aw ye water from the eprmg, 
 And liea|is of siiiiw-wliile sii^'ar into tlie eliiiia iVui;^. 
 Aiiil K(]in-iz«- tlif fairi'st l.-nmn, and {MHir tlie richest mm. 
 That our parting nia\n"l be dry at least, allbougli it may be dumb. 
 
 •John Iliiehes ( iion of the Rev. Dr. Hushes, a Canon Re.<;idenliriry of St. Panr», London), 
 who it known lo llie readens of Eliony as " Uuller of Brazennose," had his Itinerary of thfl 
 Rhone kindly and lavorubly notin-d bj Scott, in the Introduction to (Jiientin Durward. In a 
 |>oein by .Mr Ilu(;he». entitled " Waller Child*.'' published in Benlley's Miscellany, in IWW 
 thire IS ane'.cfjant and aflectionate tribute to i^cott'a memory — M.
 
 l'envot. 45 
 
 2. 
 
 We'll consecrate n bumper, aud a bumper of the best — • 
 We'll cotisecrute a bumper to speed our going guest ; 
 And we'll pour tlie dour libatiou, with the teai'-drops in our een, 
 For a uoble fellow's leaving us, and a nobler ne'er was seen. 
 
 3. 
 
 With right eood will we'd keep him — we would keep him in our Tent; 
 But since go be must — oh ! liglitly be his course out owre the bent — • 
 May his pony's feet be steady, tlii'ough the heatiier and the whins, 
 And may ne'er u thorn bae power to jag the hide upon his shiua. 
 
 4. 
 
 May that pony ne'er be startled by brackenbush or post — 
 May uo stravaiging heifer be mistaken for a ghost — 
 May no reaver bauds dttiturb him, thougli, in crossing of yon hill. 
 He'll perhaps have uo objection for to stumble on a still. 
 
 Oh 1 may the skies be crystal clear above you as you ride, 
 
 And the sun be shining briglitly upon the mountains' side. 
 
 That the brightness aud the beauty may cheer you as ye go, 
 
 And your heart may dance within you like a young and happy roe I 
 
 6. 
 
 May ye ne'er want for good quarters to rest yourself at e'en — 
 A boimy lass to stir the tire — aud a table-cloth fu' clean ; 
 Aud when ye rise at cock-crow, may that lassie's hand be nigh 
 To reach the stirrup goblet, and sweetly say — Guod-bye. 
 
 O blytbe be a' your journey, and blythe your coming honle. 
 That oft ye may take heart again iu the merry hearst to ream ; 
 And whene'er the Doctor's roaming — oh! near hini may we be, 
 For meikle can we do without, but not his cauty e'e. 
 
 Meantime, if worth and kindness be beauteous in your eyes, 
 
 And if genius be a jewel, all with one accoi'd you'll rise ; 
 
 You'll rise, my lads, as I do, and toss your cups with me, 
 
 To — Blesmujs on the Doctor's head! with a hearty three times three I 
 
 Dnrine: the recitation of these noble verses, Dr, Scott occasionallv 
 liid his face with his umbrella, and often cast up his eyes to heaven. 
 "Too, too much," he would sometimes exclaim, in a choked, tremu- 
 lous voice, but when the L'Envoy ceased, he seemed " rapt, in- 
 spired ;" and rising upon his stirrups, and at the same tinie elevating 
 his umbrella, till the whole man and his accoutrements seemed some- 
 thing more than mortal, he chanted the following hymn : —
 
 •16 CHRISTOPUEE IN THE TENT. 
 
 DR. Scott's kakewell to braemar. 
 Aiu — " Lothabcr." 
 
 1. 
 
 Facewell, then, j'e mouubiins iu mystery piled, 
 
 ■Where the bit thphiee niui homo of the tempest is lound ; 
 Fart-WfU, ve ret! toiit-iits all foamiiii,' and wild ; 
 
 Faiewfll to your ilreamy and desolate s>«ind ; 
 Aud taiewell. ye wide plains, where the heath and the fera 
 
 Bloom ill beauty forlciu, while above them is skimming, 
 Far up iu tlie rack, the majestieal Karne, 
 
 To the loue ear of Nature his oiisou hymuing. 
 
 o 
 
 And farewell to thy shadow, tliou Queen of Pavillions, 
 
 Pitched on turf that is smooth as the eidci-bird's w'iug, 
 'Keath tiie dais of Ids Sjileiuior, the nKinareli uf niilliooa 
 
 ilight envy the bliss that hath hallowed thy ring! 
 "What is purple, that floats in the weight of perfume, 
 
 Aud the gold cu'eled mirrors that |)arasites see. 
 To the rich twilight-breath of the languishing broom, 
 
 Aud the pure uative crystal of pastoral Dee i 
 
 8. 
 
 And farewell to the friends that I leave in thy shade, 
 
 Wit, inii-th, and affection exalting their cheer! 
 Ob 1 ne'er shidl their forms from my memory fade: 
 
 Still, whate'er may be absent, my heart shall be here ; 
 Though o'er flood, fi«'ld, and mountain my wanderinirs be wide. 
 
 Back, ^till back to Braemar faithful fancy shall flee, 
 And the beauty of Kelvin — the grandeur of Clyde — 
 
 Shall but deepen my sigh for the banks of the Dee. 
 
 4. 
 
 Tet one cup ere we pai t, ye dear friends of my bosom I 
 
 One sweet-flowing measure — one more — only one ! 
 Life's gay moments are few : then why needlessly lose 'em t 
 
 You'll have plenty of time for regrets when I'm gone. 
 In dnlness t«i meet, aud in dryness to part, 
 
 Suits the barren of feeling, the narrow of soul — 
 Be it ourx, lads, the gladness, the grief of the heart 
 
 To improve, to assuage, by the juice of the bowl I 
 
 Long did every straining eye follow the Doctor, till the last green 
 gloatn of his iinilirdla faded in the distant woods. "An honester — 
 better — clevon-r fallow 's no in a' Scotland than that very same Doe- 
 ►tor whom we have lost," said the Sheiiherd ; with which eulogy we 
 all cordially agreed ; while Duller, turning toward our own porsi»n, 
 repealed sonorously from Aristophanes — 
 
 'Svv' aov epyov (x . l^en^T} 
 Tj/i' co/.7]i> ii'/.rjiptr, i/vaep 
 
 'Avavea^eiv aavrov aiei,
 
 TIIK UOLL-CAI.r^ 47 
 
 Kai i3?.gTnFiv avfh^ ro ihivor. 
 Kk's uaj^a'/.ijjHJV I'lAuaei, 
 Kai /3aA7/f ri /la/MaKOv, 
 AvOic aipeaOai a' avayKi) 
 Eci oaAtv ra ^pu/iara. 
 
 We did not, however, come to the Tent to indulge unavailino 
 sorrow ; so wc issued two regimental orders, one for our breal<fast 
 and dinner conjoined, without loss of time ; and another for a general 
 muster of Contributors in the Tent after mess, to take into eonsider.'u 
 tion the state of the Magazine. There is no occasion to describe the 
 dfjeimcr d la fourchette ; and after it the Editor hung out his well- 
 known signal — "Scotland expects every man to do his duty." 
 
 Wc knew that the eyes of our country were upon us, and felt con- 
 fident of the result. On the roll being called by the Adjutant, not a 
 man was missing from his post. The coup cfixU was most imposing. 
 Wastle took his seat at one corner of the table, almost in the open 
 air, in the same full court-dress which attracted so much notice last 
 May when he walked with the G)mmissioner ; immediately opposite 
 the Laird, Morris sported his black silk stock, and richly-furred sur- 
 tout ;* on the Physician's right hand sat, in earnest confabulation, 
 BuUer of Brazennose in his cap and gown, both he and Seward hav- 
 iuir brought their academical dress down to Scotland to ast(jnish the 
 natives ; between ourselves and Buller sat Mr. Price in the cap, or, 
 as Tims called it, the black silk bonnet of the Surrey hunt, and kept 
 his eyes fixed, with unceasing wonder, on Bailie Jarvie, who, in a full 
 suit of black, with his " three cockit" and gold chain, looked up gashly 
 in our face from the right, and obviously contained within himself the 
 germ or elements of future Dean of Guild and my Lord Provost ot 
 Glasiiow; on the Bailie's right shoulder, that is behind it. for he of the 
 Salt-market absolutely turned his back on him of Ludgate, sat lims, 
 with a strange mixture of self-importance from feeling himself one of 
 the Tent, and of personal fear from being at such an immense distance 
 from the sound of Bow-Bell, which expression of face was not lessened 
 by the consciousness of the immediate contiguity of Tickler, who had 
 stretched as many feet of his leg» beneath the table as possible, to 
 bring his head on a line with the organization of the other in-door 
 Contributors ; behind Dr. Morris sat Kempferhausen, who had 
 mounted his Ilanseatic Legion cap ; and on his right stood uncovered 
 the jocund Bibliopole, with a face incommunicable both to copper and 
 c.'invas ; in front sat Seward, with all the gracefulness of a Christ- 
 clnn-ch man, on a cask of whisky, from which John of Sky ever and 
 anon let off a qucch of the dew, unnoticed from behind ; at Seward's 
 
 • In Petpr's Letters there is a description of this suit (a deputy-lieutenant's uniform of blue 
 and reJ'i with the iitile cross of Dannebroj,'!, and the frontispiece (an imaginary portrait) shows 
 II.. .Morns, attired iu a coat with a collar of rich fur. — M.
 
 48 CITRTSTOPITER IN THE TENT. 
 
 right hand lav in his plaid the Ettrick Shepherd, his attention wholly 
 absorbed by a large salmon that was floating exhausted to the bank 
 in tow of Wastle's tall valet, who had beeoine quite a prime angler 
 under the tuition of Walter JJitehie ; but we refer the world to the 
 FrontisjViece, whieh was sketched on the spot by Odoherty, the only 
 departure t'rom truth of any great moment, being the introduction 
 of Dr. Seott, whom the literary and scientific world will easily reeog- 
 nize in the portly figure smoking a pipe of tobacco on the foreground 
 to the left of the chairman. The affection of the Adjutant could not 
 be satisfied without this tribute to his much-regretted brother bard, 
 and he has introduced his own figure with foraging-cap. &c., reposing 
 close by the side of the Odontist.* 
 
 When Kempterhausen sat down, after reading an essay on the eh;v 
 ractcr and manners of theTyrolese, we must say, that the feeling u[v 
 permost in our mind was one of regret that he should have brought 
 it so speedily to a termination. In looking round the Tent, however, 
 it is not to be denied that we observed some slight symptoms, as if 
 the whole of our friends had not been quite so unif^ irmly and unin- 
 terruptedly delighted as ourselves. In short, Tickler, Odoherty, and 
 the Ettrick Shepherd, manifested pretty plainly, that thev thought 
 the Ilamburgher was still somewhat suliject to his t)l(l iiifirmitv of 
 amplification. W^astle and Morris, on the contrary, Jarvie, Mullion, 
 and Buller of Brazeniiose, were enthusiastic in their applauses of the 
 German's Essay; and, supported by their decision, we could not hesi- 
 tate to express to the Essayist himself, our conviction that his powers 
 were expanding themselves in a manner most luxuriantly promising, 
 and our hope and confidence that henceforth he Avould form one of 
 the most eflicient and vigorous of all our C(.»ntributors. The Shep. 
 herd remarked, that " the Essav might be a braw essay for au"ht he 
 kenned, but he was sure it was an unco lang ane — and luik," quoth 
 he, "gin Hector be not shaking himself frae side to side, and yawning 
 
 and nuzzling as if he had been listening to ane of Mr, R of 
 
 Y r-'sf very weariesomest action-sermons. The lad will not be the 
 
 worse of a glass to weet his whistle ony way." — " Gie him a bumper 
 
 •This refers to an outline sketch, so imHlTereBt in execution, that we do not think it worth 
 while to have it engraved. In later editions of this numbet of Maga this sketch wa.s not 
 given. — -M. 
 
 ■{ Of this excellent jrentleman we embrace this opportvinity of recording an interestinir anec- 
 dote. Some years aco, when tlie Ettrick Shepherd had Dr. Ander>:on (I'dilor of the liritish 
 Poct>') and Mr. Wordtworih (author of the Excurhion) a.* his jjufsts in Yarrow, he carried them 
 one fort'iioon to cat soiiip bre,id and chei^se in the itianse. and taste tlie minister's homc-brev.ed, 
 which is proverbial for its pood qualities in that part of the country. Durinir this cold colla- 
 tion, a creai deal of hiphly instructive and intellectual conversation occurred, a-s mieht have 
 naturally been expected, at a meetinir of four such pifted men. As they were coins awav, 1I1& 
 minister called back Hopor, and — " Faith. Jemmy." said he. " he's a fine chiei that 'VV'.iids- 
 worth — he's very discreet and well-informed. I really never heard of a horse-eouper quotinc 
 poetry before in all my life." It is almost needless 10 observe, that the exr^ellent minister had 
 jupposed himself to be entertain ini; the eminent horse-dealer of Leith Waik. — ac:niectur« 
 which was douhtlesii sutliciently natural, considering Hope's well-known love for appearing 
 at the weekly sales at that gentleman's repository. The Shepherd, we suppose. COA' t.o<lo 
 ceived bim. — C. N.
 
 EDINBUKGH KKVIKW. 40 
 
 by all means," (piotli Jarvie; — -"indeed, if he wo.e to f^ct his ri<flit, 
 he would get luair luu- aiie, for litre's twa or three that have not been 
 di'y listeners — only look, JSIr. Tiekler, we've scarcidy left enough to 
 faiti/* anillier bowl." — "You may make the next one yourself, 
 IJailie," t;avs Tiekler, " for it's mv turn to be si)okesinan — vou knriw 
 the artiele goes round the opposite way from the l)ottle," Then 
 turning to the chair, — "Mr. Editor," continued the Senior, "we've 
 got a new Number of the Edinburgh Review since you left us, and, 
 if you jilease, I shall read a few remarks I have jotted down concern- 
 ing it. 1 would not have taken so much trouble, only I was surprised 
 to see them holding up their heads so briskly on some points, con- 
 sidering what a nailer you gave them so very lately." 
 
 " Go on, ]\Ir. Tickler," we interrupted ; " you need not hesitate to 
 enter upon any topic from fear of being tedious. As yet nihil quod 
 teti;/isti non ornasti ; and even here we have no doubt, materia)!!, sii- 
 penibii opui'-!'''' — Encouraged by these words, the Sage drew down 
 his spectacles from his forehead, and after clearing his throat with a 
 few portentous hems, he thrust his left hand in his waistcoat pocket, 
 and stretching forth the dexter with its AISS. to within a few inches 
 of ourself. began to read as follows in a distinct voice. The myste- 
 rimis music of some of his solemn cadences, seemed at first to alarm 
 and astonish the southern part of his hearers, but the strong sense of 
 the man soon overcame all these lesser emotions, and seldom has 
 even a Tickler been listened to by a more attentive auditory. 
 
 [Mr, Tickler's comments on an old number of the Edinburgh Re- 
 view so little suit the humor which prevailed in " the Tent," that 
 they are omitted altogether.] 
 
 Here Tickler ceased, and a low breathing of applause from every 
 auditor around hailed him on the conclusion of his labors. The vete- 
 ran was then invited by Mr. JNIullion to refresh himself with a glass 
 of Mrs. Weddel's best cherry brandy from a private bottle, which 
 that worthy produced for the first time on this occasion. Dr. Mor- 
 ris pledged him, and then, with great good humor, made a number 
 of little remarks on the elaborate performance he had just been hear- 
 ing. We ourselves made only one single observation, and it referred 
 entirely to the last sentence of Mr. Tickler's paper, in which allusion 
 is made to the soft sighs breathed by the Edinburgh Reviewers over 
 some of the supposed inconveniences of the present situation of the 
 Ex-Emperor.f Among other things we remarked, the Reviewers 
 seemed to pity Bonaparte very much, because he is i-estricted from 
 reading their journal — in spite, as they would insinuate, of his earnest 
 
 * We believe, that to fan^ a well signifies to pour into it sufficient liquid to set the pump tit 
 work again. — C. N. 
 t Napoleon. He did not die until May, 1821. — M, 
 
 Vol. I.— 6
 
 50 cnKisTOPirKR m TirE tent. 
 
 qiiartcrlj longings after a participation in that great intellectual ban- 
 quet — and indeed tliev show pretty plainly that they consider this a 
 still Tuore grievous kind of restriction than the short commons to 
 which their hero is sujtposod to l>e reduced, in regard to bread, 
 cheese, mutton, garlic, and charenton.* Now it so haj)pens, that we 
 have good reason to know this is a point on which Boii;ip;irte himself 
 is very far from soliciting the sympathies of his admirers. Uur ex- 
 cellent old friend. Colonel Fehrszen of the 53d, was lately in St. He- 
 lena, on his way to India, and he writes to us, that he paid a visit of 
 several hours' length to the Emperor, with whom, on a previous oc- 
 ciision, he had formed a very considerable intimacy. Tiiinking it 
 might amuse the illustrious captive, the colonel carried a late number 
 of the Edinburgh Keview with him to Longwood, and laid it on the 
 table when he was about to take his leave, "i/a /" cried Bonaparte 
 — (the Reviewers themselves have remarked with what power this 
 monosyllable expresses the fe(»ling of co)iict)i])f. when uttered by those 
 imperial lips,) — '■'■JIa! quoi done! encore ])/us de ces /jrochuren, d 
 bleu et a jauiie? Je croyois que cette Turhipinude la etoit tumbee 
 tout-a-fail il-y-a longtempsy — Then turning t)ver the leaves, he came 
 upon something about himself. — " Peste !" cried he, '■'Ce petit Jetfre 
 pourquoi fait-d toujaurs de tidies sottises sur moii sujet? Je hais ce 
 Nain envieux — II n'entend rien sur les grandes choses ni sur les 
 grands hommes, et voila coinme il parle !" A few minutes after- 
 wards, he asked Colonel Fehrszen why he had not rather brought a 
 number or two of Blackwood's Magazine with him ? adding, that he 
 had seldom laughed so heartily as when Mr. Baxtcrf sent him the 
 Number containing the first part of Odohcrty's Memoirs. Our mod- 
 esty prevents us from repeating all that he said in our praise, but we 
 may be pardoned for mentioning the last of the sentences he addressed 
 at this time to the colonel. "Je vous conjure, mon cher colonel, 
 d'ecrire a votre ami M. le Conducteur, qu'il m'envoye ce journal 
 aussi regulierement qu'l soit possible. Pour C Edinburgh Review — 
 ma foi ! — lis sont culbutcs — renverses — ccrases, — abimes — Au diable 
 uvec ce.i vieux fripons Id! J Is on t perdu la tele !" 
 
 After such a narration as this, we could not do less than propose a 
 bumper to the good health of General BonaparteJ — a toast which 
 was accepted in high glee by the whole of this assemblage ; even the 
 Ettrick Shepherd felt all his old prejudices entirely thawed by the 
 sweet though distant rays of ex-imperial admiration, and chanted an 
 extempore jiarody on "Tho' he's back be at the wa'," the sentiments 
 of whicli would not, on retleetion, be thoroughly a|)proved by his 
 legitimate understanding. On looking round for the next article, 
 
 • Said to be the favorite beverage of Napoleon Bonaparte and Timothy Tickler, Esq. — C. N 
 tTlie present surgeon to Sir Hudson Lowe. — C. N. 
 
 I We may add. in excuse of this toa,st, that Bonaparte hinted to the Colonel hU intention ot 
 being, at no distant date, a contributor to our Miscellan) . — C. N.
 
 KANT AND COLERIDGE. 51 
 
 W.istle and Odohcrty ofTered themselves at the same m:)meiit to our 
 notice, and we had some diflieulty in deciding to whirh of the two the 
 first hearing should be given. The age and aristocratical dignity of 
 the Laird, on the one side, was met, on no unequal terms, by the 
 manly beauty and transcendant genius of the Adjutant, on the other. 
 UJoherty, indeed, conceded the pas (when he observed the Laii-d's 
 ) anxiety) with his accustomed Cortesia Castillaiia ; but this was only 
 a change of difficulties, for nothing could now prevail on that illus- 
 trious Tenant in caplte to accept of the proffered precedence. To 
 put a stop to so much altercation, we were compelled to have 
 recourse once more to our old expedient of skying a copper, the 
 result of which terminated, as usual, in favor of the Standard-bearer. 
 That personage has indeed a wonderful degree of luck in such mat- 
 ters. Never was such an exemplification of the truth of that old text, 
 FoRTUNA FAVET FORTiBus. He made use of the silence with which 
 we now surrounded him, by reading, in his usual fine high Tipperary 
 key, a short continuation of that excellent series of his, the Boxiana.* 
 The face of Kempferhi^usen, during this sporting article, was most 
 excellent. The practice of pugilism was evidently a mystery which 
 his fine speculative understanding could not penetrate, and though 
 few men have more enthusiasm than our good friend Phillip, he could 
 not go along with the profound disquisition and impassioned feeling 
 of the Adjutant on such a theme. He contented himself, however, 
 with a short quotation out of Emmanuel Kant,f who had, it would 
 
 * The No. read referred to the boxing match between Broughton and Slack, in 17o9, -which 
 ended in the tnumpli of the latter ; who, after being Champion for ten years, was beaten by a 
 worthy rejoicing in the appellation of Bill Stevens the Nailor. — M. 
 
 t Mr. Coleridge has somewhere expressed himself to this effect — That, if Plato were to rise 
 again from the grave and appear in London, any performer of chemical tricks would be looked 
 on as much the greater man ; and further, that with respect to any discovery, lie would have 
 more credit for it who should make it djxnteriori, (accidentally perhaps, or by benefit of a fine 
 apparatus) — than he who should demonstrate its necessity a priori, (i. e. should deduce it from 
 the law which involved it). This remark is well illustrated in the following case : Twenty- 
 six years at least before Dr. Herschel discovered the planet which bears his name (otherwise 
 called the planet Uranus, and in England the Georgian planet), it had been predicted — or. tc 
 speak more truly, it had been demonstrated— by Kant, that a planet would be found in that 
 region of the heavens (i. e. a planet superior to Saturn). The difference between the discov- 
 eries is this : Herschel's was made empirically, or a posteriori, by means of a fine telescoj e ; 
 Kant's scientifically, or a •priori, as a deduction from certain laws which he had established in 
 his Celestial System (HimnuVs System). We have unfortunately not brought with us to 
 Uraemar the volume which contains Kant's HimmeVs System ; but we will state from memory 
 the cour.se of reasoning which led Kant to this prediction. What is a comet? It is a planet 
 wiiose orbit is exceedingly eccentric. Are then the planets not eccentric? Yes, but much less 
 !iD. How much less? Some in one degree — some in another: their eccentricity varies. Ac- 
 cording to what laws ; or does it vary according to any law ? In general according to this law : 
 the eccentricity has a tendency to increa.se, as the distance from the sun increases; that is to 
 say. the planets become more eccentric in their orbits, i. e. more cometary — as they approach to 
 that region of the heavens from which the comets descend. Now from this gradual tendency 
 of the planetary motions to become cometary (which tendency, by the way. is itself a neces- 
 sary consequence from ICant's system, and no accident), Kant suspected, that as nature does 
 not ordinarily proceed p^r saltitm. the system of planets must pass gradntim into the system 
 of comets— and not so abruptly as it would do if Saturn were the last planet. Therefore, said 
 he, at some future period, there will be found at least one planet superior to Saturn — whose 
 orbit will be much more eccentric than that of Saturn, and will thus supply a link to connect 
 the motions of the planets and the comets into a more continuous chain. The comets will 
 ferhaps vary as much in eccentricity as the planets, and according to the sanio law : so that
 
 52 cHRisToriiKn i.\ tiik tknt. 
 
 appear, considered pugilism as one of those anomalies in the history 
 uf ihi- liiiiiKiii iiiiini, iiu-\j(lirabie bv the traiisci'iulciital philosophy, — 
 and witli hinting, that IJandiil the Nonpareil could have found no favor 
 iu the e\ es of the saige of Koningsberg. Odoherty avowed his utter 
 ignorance of all Cant, but was willing to pin his faith on the sleeve 
 of Plato, who, it was well known, was in his day a fighting man of 
 great skill, iihuk, and bottom; and who, though desirous of excbul- 
 iiig poetry from his republic, recommended an enlightened patronage 
 of pugilism. At the same time, he was very far from thinking, with 
 his quundaui frieiul. Bill I'arnell, knight of the shire tor Wicklow 
 (whom he now indignantly disowned), that the Irish people, owing to 
 their ignorance of [nigilism, " were b-ise, cowardly, and savaged* 
 The man who coidd utter such a sentiment is unworthy of his pota- 
 toes. " His soul" said the Adjutant, with much animation, '• has not 
 the true Irish accent — it wants the ])rogue of his country. I agree 
 with my iVieiid, Lord Norbury.f in thinking ' we are a line pet>ple ;' 
 and if I heard Bill Pariiell with his own lips say, that ' ?7 is only 
 backed by a mob of his friends that an Iri^hinun luill Jiyht,^ I would 
 not tell him, ^Ir. Editor, to remember the fine lines of my friend, 
 Tom Moore, 
 
 WTicD Mulacbi wore tb'e collar of gi»ld, 
 That he wou fioia the fierce iuvader — 
 
 but I would call upon him, in the words of a pardonable parody, to 
 think, 
 
 How Douelly wore I he kerchief of blue, 
 That be won from tbe Deptford gardeuer.^ 
 
 the la^t planet and first comet will stand pretty much in the same relation to each other as any 
 planet to llie next superior planet — or as any coinet to the next more eccentric comet. 
 Tliis was faiJ in the y«!ar 17.>J at the latest. With respect to the date of llerschei's discovery, 
 having no A>tronomy in our Tent later than tliat of David Gregory, the Savilian Professor, 
 (.\»iron. Phys.et Geomet. Eleiiienta: Genevie. I7"2t> ) we cannot assifjn it precisely; hut 
 accordinj to oilr recollection, it was made in 1731 ; and certainly not earlier than 17SI). Kant 
 th«'n discovered the planet Uranus d priori, (that is. he discovered the necessity of such & 
 planft as a consequence of a law previously detected by his own sagacity at least six-aml- 
 twenty years before Herschel made the same discovery a jiosttrinri by — the excellence of his 
 
 telescope. N. B. The reader will perhaps object the case of Mercury and of Mars — the first 
 
 as contrailicting the supposed law, the second ajs imperfectly obeying it ijiis eccentricity being 
 indeed less than that of the next superior planet, but yet greater than according to his distance 
 from the sun); these exceptions, however, confirm the system of Kant — being ^xpUincd out 
 of the same law which accounts for the defect in bulk of these two planet£. Jt inight have 
 been supposed that Sir Is.iac Newton would have been led to the same anticip.ation as that 
 hen" a.«rrlbed to Kant, by the very terms in wliich he defines comets, viz. '• ifrnus planftnrum 
 in orbibus valde eccentricis circa solem revolventibus " (Princip. lib 3. Prop. 41) : but he w.as 
 manifestly led away froin any such anticipation by the same re.uoning whirh induced him to 
 conclude tliat no tenabli- theory could be devised which .--hould assign a mechanical origin to 
 the heavnly system. Kant has framed such a theory, which we shall lay before our readers 
 in a month or two. — C. N. 
 
 • Maurice and Berghetta, or the Priest of Rahery; a tale; London. 1S19. [Written by 
 Parnell. — .M. ] 
 
 t The Earl of Norbury, commonly called the The Hanging Judge, who je.sted with crimi- 
 nals, oi. whom he wa-t pronouncing sentence of death. He was Chief Justice of the Common 
 I'leiu in Irel ind. frotu l^(K) to 1k-'7, and died in ls31.— In " Shell's Sketches of the Irish Bar"' 
 hix career. char.act>T. and appearance are very fully described. — M. 
 
 • An allubion to the great fight bet\ve«u Sir Dan and Oliver.— C N. [Daniel Donelly, an
 
 THE SIIILKLA.1I ! 53 
 
 "What, sir! would any Irishman Avho ever sung 'the sprijr of 
 shilc'lah and shamrock so green,' aecuse his countrymen of cowardice? 
 Let me not be misunderstood. I conceive that a duet in a ring at 
 Moulsy-Hurst is pleasanter music than a general chorus at Donny- 
 hrook fair. But tliat is a cultivated, a scientific taste ; and let no man 
 rashly assert, that the genius and intellect, and moral worth of a 
 people, may not exhibit themselves as strikingly in the shileiah as in 
 the fist, in a general row, as in a HiMiTED set-to. Is it the part of 
 a coward, Mr. Editor, for one of- the Tipperary lads to step forward 
 and ask the Kerry lads, ' tvho will snaze f and if Roderic Milesius 
 M-Gillicuddy rej)Iies, ' / am the hoy to snaze in your face,'' is my 
 cousin a coward because the Tipperary shilelahs come twinkling 
 about his nob as thick as grass '^* By the staff of St. Patrick, a 
 coward has no business there at all ; and what though Mr. ]\I-Gilli- 
 cuddy be backed by a mob of friends, as the county says, has not 
 O'Donnahue his friends too? and where then is the cowardice of 
 knocking down every Pat you can lay your twig upon, till you your- 
 self go the way of all flesh? and if 'twenty men should basely f^ill 
 upt)n one,' why, to be sure, their turn will come next, and all odds 
 will be even. 
 
 At the close of the day, wlien the pot-liouse is full, 
 And moitiils the sweets of fori>etfulness pmve, 
 Wheii iiouglit iu the tap-room is heard but a bull, 
 Auil ' anah, be easy !' comes soft from the grove. 
 
 "No, Mr. Editor, never may Morgan Odoherty live to see that 
 day when the shileiah shall no longer flourish and be flourished in the 
 Green Isle." Here Mr. Tims softly interposed, and after coinpli- 
 menting the Standard-bearer on that liberal philosophy, which 
 discerns and knows how to appreciate the genius of a people in their 
 pastimes, without any invidious preference of one or another, volun- 
 teered (if agreeable to the Editor and the Contributors) a song, 
 entitled, " Ye Pugilists of England," which he understood was written 
 
 Irishman, -nrho teat Oliver, an English pugilist, in a prize fight, returned tu Ireland declaring 
 that the Prince Regent had knighted him for his prowesrs, opened a public house in Dublin, 
 was one of his own most bibacious customers, and died soon after this from inflammation, 
 cau>ed by drink. — M.] 
 
 This is a sweet pastoral image, which we ourselves once heard employed by a very delicate- 
 looking and modest young woman, in a cottage near Limerick, when speaking of the cudgels 
 of an aflray. A broken head, is in Ireland, always spoken of in terms of endearment, and 
 miich ot the same tender feeling is naturally transferred to the siiilelah that inflicted it. 
 Mjod bless your honor," said the same gentle creature to us, while casting a look of afl'ection- 
 ate admiration on our walking-stick (at that time we had no rheumatism). " you would give 
 3.swnle Mow with it." It is in such expressions that we may trace the genius of a people, ar i 
 they should serve to moderate that indignation with which moralists are wont to speak of the 
 '^bruiaUty" of Irish quarrels. In the account of the battle between Randal, and Martin thi> 
 baker, we observed with pleasure, an imitation of this Hibernian amenity. After stating that 
 Kandal finished the fight by a knock-down facer, the historian (probably our good friend .Mr. 
 fcagan), very prettily remarked. '' Randal is like a bird on the boughs of a tree.." V fin- 
 BVlvan image 1— C. N. Pearce Egan, at this period, editor of the sporting paper called Bell 8 
 Ltje in London, and author of several works on pugilism and its history.— M.
 
 54 cniasTOPiiER in the tent. 
 
 either by Mr. Grcgson, Mr. Egan. or Mr. lliomas Campbell. This 
 handsome ofier was received with thunders of applause, and nothing 
 could be uraiider tiian the trio. We remarked, that during liie >de 
 there was not an unelenelied list in the Mhole Tent. 
 
 YE PUGILISTS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 At Sung by ifesirst. Price, Tuns, aud Woodn {Son of the Fipktit^ Waterman), 
 on the Ath ofStpteinbtr 1619, utar the Linn of Dee. 
 
 1. 
 
 Ye Pugilists of England,* 
 
 Wild irimrd voiir native sod, 
 Wli'it^c' |)luck lias Ifiavcd a thousand years, 
 
 Cross-i>utt<)ck, blow, aud blood, 
 Yoiif norky canvas sport again, 
 
 To mill aiiotlior foe. 
 As you spring, round Ilie ring, 
 
 Wliik- tiie bfttiTS uiiisy grow; 
 ^Vilile tlie banging I'ages loud aud long, 
 
 And llie belters noisy grow. 
 
 2. 
 
 A Briton needs no poniards 
 
 No bi-.ivos 'long liis street — 
 His trust is iti a .•■ti'ong-roped ring, 
 
 A square of twenty feet. 
 Witii one-twos from his horny fists, 
 
 He flooT's the coves below, 
 As they crash, on the grass. 
 
 When the bettere noisy grow ; 
 When thv bunging rages loud and l<.>ng. 
 
 And the betters ncjisy grow. 
 
 3. 
 
 Tlie spirits of prime jiugilists 
 
 Shall rise at every round ; 
 For the ring it was tlioir liild of fame. 
 
 To tlieni 'tis holy-ground. 
 Where JSlaek and mighty Belcher fell, 
 
 Your manly hearts shall glow, 
 As yon peel, true as steel. 
 
 While the betters noisy grow; 
 While the banging ragcs loud and long. 
 
 And the betters noisy grow. 
 
 4. 
 Tlie Randal-rag of England 
 
 Must yet terrific bin-n, 
 Till Ir-eland's troublesome knight be beat, 
 
 And the star of Crib return 1 
 
 • r(</«Cami.beIl'» ='Yc Mariners of England."— M.
 
 CAiJMKN I)^AI;()IJclT^r. 55 
 
 Then, then, ye glutlon-pu^ilists, 
 
 Tho claret I'ed sliall tlow, 
 To tlie fame, of vour uaiiio, 
 
 "When till- iioisc of belts i;) low, 
 Wlifii Sir Dan lies h'Vclled loud and long, 
 
 And the noise of Letts is low. 
 
 Mr. Price, Mliose voice reininded us of Incledon in his best days, 
 took the tenor ; Mr. Tims' sweet and shrill pijie was a most exquisite 
 counter-tenor ; and, with the sole exception of Bartleinan, we never 
 lii'ard any thing at all comparable to the bass of young Woods.* 
 The accompaniment, too, was exceedingly fine. Wastle blew his 
 bugle aflletuoso ; Tickler, who fingers with any man in England, 
 though we confess that his bow-hand is not so free, flowing, and 
 unfettered, as that of Yaniewicz, was powerful on his fiddle ; and 
 Jt)hii of Sky, on the bagjiipe, at one moment, roused the soul to all 
 the triumph of victory, and at another sunk it into the despondency 
 of defeat. At that line, in particular, which the three voices dwelt 
 upon with mournfid emphasis, — 
 
 " When Sir Dan lies levelled loud and long," — 
 
 we observed the tear start into Odoherty's eyes, and he veiled them 
 -with his foraging-eap, as if w'ishing to seal his sight from the vision 
 of the conquest of Crib and the downfall of Donelly. 
 
 We were apprehensive at one time, that the Standard-bearer and 
 Mr. Tims would have quarrelled ; but on the latter assuring Odoherty 
 that he yielded to no man in his admiration of the pluck and prowess 
 of Sir Daniel Donelly, and that he could not be supposed answerable 
 for the prt)phetic intimations of the poet, the Adjutant extended his 
 hand towards him with his accustomed suavity, and by that pacific 
 overture quieted the incipient alarm of the Cockney. lie at the 
 same time ofiered to back Sir Dan against all Britain, Crib not 
 excepted, for a cool hundred — and against Jack Carter, £100 to £80. 
 The best Irish pugilists, continued the Adjutant, " have been Corco 
 ran, Ryan, Odonnel, Doherty, (filius carnalis, we believe, of Morgan's 
 half uncle. Father Doherty, an Irish priest, who dropt the O for rea- 
 sons best known to himself) and Donelly" — but here we felt it 
 absolutely necessary to interfile, and to recpiest Mr. Wastle to read 
 his article, by way of diverting our thoughts into a difierent channel. 
 The Laird observed, that he did not feel as if his " Essay on the 
 Study of Physical Science" would sound well after the Bo\ian;», and 
 therefore would, for the present, content himself with reading a very 
 slioi-t paper, on the Scottish Proverbs of Allan Ramsay. 
 
 * This entertaining and accomplished young fello-w is Mr. Tims' body servant. He is u 
 natural son of the brave Woods, who fought Richmond, the Black, but he is a lar better man 
 tlian liis father; and though he has, we believe, never exhibited publicly in tlie ring, hu 
 private turn-ups have been numerous, and he has still been the winner, without a scratch 
 lie is the only man in England a match for Randal. Will the sporting Colonel back the 
 Nonpareil for XiUC)?—C, N.
 
 5G cnKTSTonrER ix the tent. 
 
 Just as Mr. Wastlo was concluding his acute little article, John 
 Mackay, whom we iiad dispatched lor Braeniar to meet the walluny 
 postman, rctiinu-d with a packet of letters — and for halt an hour tlie 
 Contributors were busily employed with their contents — all except 
 Oduherty, who with perfect sangfroid suffered his three to lie un- 
 opened on the table, or every now and then gave them, one after 
 another, a chuck into the air with singular dexterity, that showed him 
 to be a perfect adept in legerdemain and slight of hand. On asking 
 our friends if any of their communications were articles for the Mag- 
 azine, the Adjutant replied, that as far as his letters were concerned 
 it was fur ourselves to iuilije — one bein" a dun from Scail'e and \\ il- 
 lis* — another, a short account, he believed, from the keeper of a bil- 
 liard-tabk — and the third, he had some i^-asun to think, was a bill for 
 £'2o on the Commercial Bank, which he had sent to a friend to whom 
 he was indebted for that sum, but which, he dared to say, was now 
 returned to him with the well-known words "noetlects." All this 
 was said with that gay and careless manner that marks the true man 
 of the world, and tin- Standard-bearer remarked with a smile, that 
 Messrs. Scaife and Willis, though the best natured and most skilful tail- 
 ors in beina, ought not to send accounts to centiemen whose brei'ches 
 they had made without pockets capable of Ik tiding them, and that 
 therefore he was under the necessity of employing their well-inten- 
 tioned letter in lighting his pipe. ^lordeeai jNIiillion then handed 
 over to us the following letter iVom his brother Hugh, and, with his 
 permission, we read it aloud. 
 
 My Dear Mordecai : — 1 found all our concerns in a much better 
 way at Glasgow than we could have expected after the late crash ; 
 and I verily believe, that our good friend the Skipper will yet beat 
 to windward of the Gazette. Folks don't look the least shy at our 
 bills, and our credit is good. The Skipper requested me not to press 
 him hard, which God knows never was our intention ; and he wiil 
 send us six barrels of the best Bunawe salmon, a hogshead of .laniai- 
 ca, 500 lbs. ot" double ( ijoucester, a choice assortment f)f best West- 
 j)halits, an<l a ton of (hied ling : he lets us have them all very low ; 
 and when 1 have seen them stowed away in our cellars, 1 shall feel 
 easy about the Skipper. M'Corquindale and JNTClure otlered to 
 settle our account at once in cod and craw-fish ; but as we sullered 
 nnich from our cods last year, and craw-lish is a drug, I demanded 
 Loch-line herrinir, and kiplings, and got what I l)elieve will cover us, 
 1 had most difliodty of all with that wasp JSrilufiie, and had to 
 threaten a horning.f My gentleman came to himself when he found 
 me serious; and I saw his reindeers boxed before 1 left the Gallow- 
 
 • Architects of male atlire. in Kdinbur^h. — M. 
 
 ♦ Jlorrins, — execution, i>ale under llie law. — AL
 
 niK Kiiiic o' snorrs. 57 
 
 gate ; and finer tongues never pressed a palate. Poor Donald 
 M'Tavisli is on his last legs, but I took his debt in bnui.xy, and have 
 no doubt (if inflicting it to advantage on our brethren of the Dilet- 
 ranti. That sumph, Rab Roger, offered me a bill on Cornelius 
 Giflen ; I jiri^ferred taking him in good Mearns liuttcr ; and he sent 
 nie ten croaks of tiiirty lbs. each, as yellow as a dandelion. In short, 
 our books will balance, which is more than some of our acquaintances 
 both here and in the west can say, who hold th«>ir heads higher tlian 
 the Mullions. — So much for business. And now, my dear Mordecai, 
 let me give you an account of a sort of adventure in which I was en- 
 gaged on my way back from Glasgow. I fear it will lose much in the 
 recital — as I have not the pen of a Tickler or an Odoherty ; yet as 
 you requested me to give you the news, I will try to describe the 
 scene just as I saw it acted. 
 
 I was jogging along on our " bit powney," with my honest fjither's 
 wallise behind me as usual, when just where the former road takes up 
 the hill to the auld Kirk o' Shotts,* I met a most extraordinary Ca- 
 valcade, which reminded me of Stothard's Picture of the " Processiou 
 of Pilgrims to Canterbury," so well engraved by our poor friend 
 Cromek et multis aids. I really felt as if I had slid back many cen- 
 turies, and were coeval with Gower and Chaucer. My surprise was 
 not diminished, when the leading pilgrim gravely accosted me with, 
 "How do you do, Mr. Hugh Mullion'? When did you hear from 
 your brother Mordecai V 1 pulled up old Runciman, and took a 
 leisurely and scrutinizing observation of the pilgrimage. Before I 
 had time to open my mouth, or rather to shut it again, for I believe it 
 ■was open — the leading pilgrim continued, " I am the Editor of Con- 
 stable and Company's ]\Iagazine, and these are my Contributors.! 
 We are going to pitch our Tent near the Kirk o' Shotts, for you 
 must not think, Mr. Hugh, that we are not allowed a vacance as Avell 
 as Ebony's people. If you are not obliged to be in Edinburgh to- 
 night, will you join us 1 — I dare say we shall find you useful." 1 
 declare to you, my dear Mordecai, that the very thought of this pro- 
 cession so convulses me with laughter, even at this hour, that I can 
 write no better a hand than a mend)er of parliament. For, only 
 imagine, the good worthy editor, in half-clerical, half lay attire — 
 uamely, black breeches, and D. D. boots, black silk waistcoat, pep- 
 
 * Between the cities of Edinburgh and Glapjrow, about within sixteen miles of the latur 
 place (travellins: by the mail-road, before railways were constructed), the country rises up very 
 nigh. On tlie sunirait of the most dreary ridge stands what is called the Kirk of Shotts (whenct) 
 the nd;;e is narni:d), and the little dove-cot belfry rises with peculiar expressiveness, amidst a 
 land of so little promise. Descending the hill, with climpses of the rich, well-wooded, and 
 well-watered valley of the Clyde, the road leads into Glasgow, at once, from its commerce and 
 manufactures, the Liverpool and Manchester of the West.— I\I. 
 
 t IMaokwood's .Magazine may be said to have fairly laughed Constable's rival Magazine ont 
 Df existence. Neither publisher, editor, nor contributors could stand the sarca.-ms perpetually 
 luvelled at each and all, froju the memorable time wheu the Chaldee Manuscript attacked 
 them personally. — M.
 
 '58 CIIKISTOPITER m TIIE TENl'. 
 
 per and salt coat, ami shovi-l hat most admiraLly constructed for scoops, 
 ing a dran<iht out of a well, mounted on a remarkably line jackals, 
 who, on being brought to a stand-still, let down his immense head be- 
 tween his fore legs, like the piston of a steam-engine, and then show- 
 ing his alligator-like jaws, gave a yawn in which was gaunted* out a 
 whole month's sleeplessness. It requires a very peculiar kind of a 
 seat, to look well on ass-back; long stirrups, and legs nearly if not 
 altom'ther meetinj' below; whereas the Editor sat too far forward 
 upon the shoulder, like Don Olivarez, the Spanish minister, in that 
 famous picture of Velasquez, in our last exhibition. Immediately 
 l)ehind him came our excellent friend, the old German doctor, in a 
 full suit of sables, with spurs on his pumps, according to the ancient 
 physical school ; and elevated many feet above the editor, on that 
 well-known hack the Paviour, lor many years the property of Mr. 
 Campbell, Stabler and Vintner, Canongate. The doctor perspired 
 extremely, and had a Monteith handkerchief hanging over his brows 
 from beneath his hat. which caused him to elevate liis chin conside- 
 rably betore he could bring his ogles to bear on any interior object. 
 As he pulled up, a swarm of flies went off with a loud fuz from his 
 veil, and then all settled again upon it, as if the queen-bimimer had 
 been inclosed in a crany of the Monteith. I never saw an elderly 
 gentleman seemingly more uncomfortable ; and he could only ex- 
 claim, ' Anv thing's better than this ; I wish I were in the Hart/ 
 forest.' Scarcely could I believe mine eyes, Avhcn they seemed to 
 behold riding together cheek by jowl, and i> like as twins, no less 
 personages than the Editor of the Edinburgh Review, and 'John 
 the brother of Francis." The former marked my astonishment on 
 perceiving him in such company ; and to divert my ideas, exclaimed, 
 with his usual vivacity, (there is certainly something very pleasant 
 in Jeffrey's smile.) "Ila! Mullion, my good fellow! these were 
 very tasty hams yf»u sent us out to Craigerook ; as my friend Njv- 
 pier would say, I made an essay on the scope and tendency of Bacon : 
 nothing like repeated experiments — induction is the most satisfactory 
 of all modes of reasoning. I am surprised the ancients never stum- 
 bled upon it ; though, to tell you the truth, I l)elieve it to be as old 
 as the days of Ham." All this time a very peculiar expression 
 played round the greater Jeffrey's lips, which it would not be fair to 
 call (licked; but which certainly had in it a good deal of malice of a 
 small playful kind. As he glanced his hawk eyes towards the Edi- 
 tor, whose back was turned, because his ass insisted it should be so, 
 he said, in an affectionate tone of voice, " En avant, en avant. my 
 dear coz : 1 hear the wheels of the mail-coach, give little sturdy a 
 
 •P«e Df JarnicBon once more. There is really no doin? -writhout the Doctor's Dicliunury ; 
 but Ul DO luao, on any account wtiatuver, buy the Abridgment. — C. N.
 
 TirE SCOTSMAN. 59 
 
 touch of Peter Bell." The ass seemed instinctively afraid of Mr. 
 Jeflrey's voice, and got under weigh, 
 
 " With the slow niotiuu of a summer cloud," 
 
 followed by the Paviour, and the more alert nags of the brother- 
 reviewers, \\hieh they had obvious difficulty in reining in, so as to 
 prevent them from passing the Editor. 
 
 But now a much more formidable Contributor presented himself, 
 in the person of that perfect gentleman, the Scotsman.* lie was 
 mounted on that trying animal, a mule, which had jjlantcd his fctre- 
 feet considerably in advance, strongly backed by his hind ones, 
 broxight up as a corps de reserve to support the first line, so that he 
 was intrenched in a very strong position, from which the cudgel of 
 the infuriated Scotsman in vain banged to dislodge him. It was a fair 
 match between wrath and obstinacy ; and it was imitossible to say which 
 would win the day. There were moments in which the mule seemed 
 to lose heart, under the murderous blows of his rider; while at other 
 times, the stubbornness of the wretched creature he so inhumanly be- 
 strode so irritated the Scotsman, that he would frequently hit his own 
 shins with his own cudgel, and then betray his uneasiness by the most 
 dismal gestures. Beside him rode that thickset, vulgar-looking perstm, 
 somewhat like a Methodist preacher, a good deal marked with the small- 
 pox, and well known among the town council by the name of the 
 Scotsman's Flunkyj (there is no need to enrich ye with his name) 
 who told him " to remember his infirmity, and not to allow his pas- 
 sion so to get the better of him as to bring on one of his fits." 1 
 thought, my dear Mordecai, that the Scotsmau''s fits had always come 
 on about the same hour on the Saturdays only, but I now found that 
 they are not so regular as to be depended upon, and that he is often 
 overtaken quite unexpectedly, and without any previous intimation. 
 The fit by no means improved his natural beauty and elegance — but 
 caused such unaccountable contortion, both of face and person, that 
 the Flunky himself seemed alarmed — while Dugald Macalpine, the 
 Pimping Caddy of the Laigh Kirk, who accompanied the procession, 
 was heard to exclaim, " Pure fallow, is this him that wishes to mend 
 the constitution? I'm sure nae burrugh's half sae rotten as his nin 
 breast. Gude saf us, hear how he's flitting on the Lord Provost, 
 wha's worth a diz-en sic likeGallowa' stots as hlmsel. — Hush, hush — 
 he's now cursan on Mr. Blackwood. — Wha's he that Dr. JMorris he's 
 
 • J. R. M'Culloch, afterwards Professor of Political Economy in LonJon University, ami 
 row Complrollei of tlie Uovernment Stationery Ollice, in London, was editor of the l>cntsm(ni 
 iiews|.aptr, in \Vl9, and t)ie constant object of .Maya's contempt. Jle contributed largely to 
 liic Kdinljiirir/t Keview. Altliouj;li his sahiry is Xl'JOU a year, a "Whig government was so 
 lavish as to give also him a pension of X3UI), and, having solicited it, he was so greedy as to 
 Accejit it.— M. 
 
 t The most opprobrious name, in Scotland, for a body-menial. — C. N.
 
 00 ciiRisioriTER rx the text. 
 
 slavering al)0\>t 1 I wush him anil sum itht-r Doctor was but here 
 to gie him a dose of Pheesic. O, slr.^ ! luk at the red -whites o' his 
 o'en, a' rowan' about in his heed! I lech! how tlic tae tail o' his 
 mouth i.'an<zs up wi' a swurl to his ee-bree ! What a lanp; foul 
 toiijiuc's hanging out o' liis jaws ! Arli ! sieean a gini ! 1 doubt he\d 
 ne'er cum about again. It's shurely an awfu' judgment on him, for 
 swearin, and oursan, and damman on ither folk. — Ilech, sers, but 
 he'll niak a grusume eorp !" 
 
 'My attention was luckily diverted from this painful spectacle oy 
 one of the most ludicrous exhibitions you can imagine — and one 
 which made me feel the genius of our immortal Shakspi'are (I call 
 him ciurs, Mordecai, for, after our President's famous speech on that 
 great day before the Dilletanti,* Shakspeare belongs exclusively to 
 our societv). in bringing togetlu-r on the same scene the extremes of 
 human wrLtehedness, and human altsurdity. For I looked, antl lo 1 
 upon a white horse sat Dr. Searchf and the Dominie I I knew the 
 horse well, Mordecai ! — a fi-lhnv of most rare action — who had run 
 throush many a summer's heat and winter's cold in the Dunbar dillv, 
 but who, having become not a little spavined of late, has degraded 
 from his wonted diligence, though still it would appear a hack — 
 
 "And be now carries who e'er- while but drew." 
 
 Dr Search occupied the seat nearest the mane — and the Dominie sat 
 with a grim and dissatisfied face on the haunches, which, being very 
 high, mav be likened to the two-shilling gallery in rctl-rcnce to the 
 boxes. lie held desperately with one hand by the crujiper, while, 
 with the other, he was ever and anon snatching at the reins, which he 
 could not bear to see in Dr. Search's hand, who, to say the tiuth. is 
 not so good a horseman as Colonel Quintin by 300 degrees.J The 
 Doctor had a spur, I observed, on his near heel, which, short and 
 blunt as it was, he contrived, by repeated kicks, to indent into the 
 gushets of the Dominie's black worsted stockings so as to letch blood. 
 The poor pedagogue implored ride and tie, but to the prayer of this 
 e(juitable jietition, such is the charm of precedence, his ear the prac- 
 titioner would not seriously incline — and the jiatient had nothing lor 
 it but to submit his leg to the search. They were clothed, " first and 
 last," in black apparel, but the Dunl)ar hack, who is the oldest horse 
 that ever wore white hairs, seemed to have been rubbed over with 
 
 • ■' O'lr Prctiident" of the Dilettanti Society of Edinburgh, in 1S19, was John Wilson,— the 
 Cliririoj. her North of ihrt Nodes.— M. 
 
 t I'ur farllipp particulars of this learned Th^han, see a. pamphlet lately published by l.im, in 
 fply to the a.--ptr.-ions of Ur. Morris on the University c( Kdinburirh. l!y-thi;-by. Ritson the 
 anlijuary wi-s cxceudinclv wroth with Dr. I'ercy for saying " St-e MSS." v ln'ii ^uch M.S.S. were 
 in tiie scie pus.-e.-f.on of tho Hishop of D'oiiiore hi,ii>elf, and perhap.s our readers, on attiiinptinjj; 
 to pet a I'll; Fit of this erudite -.vnter. may feel some surprise at our sending on theiu a wild-gooso 
 clia>e. Neveitheless, there is such a pain))hlet — C. IN. 
 
 t ColoW'tJ .Sir Geor{.'e Quintin wa.s considered to be the best cavalry oflicer in the British 
 army at this time. His dauf;hter, an excellent equestrian, instructed Quuun Victoria how U> 
 ** witch tha world with noble horsemanship." — M.
 
 " THE SEVEN YOLTNa MEN." 61 
 
 some depilatory preparation, and so freely shed " his longs and his 
 shorts" over the two unfortunate gentlemen, most unjustinal)ly seati-d 
 on his back, that they were both in a very hairy eondilion, and thu 
 Dominie indeed was absolutely gray. The spectaele was not lost on 
 two small boys, who were enjoying the summer vaeati<.)n of llie 
 Hiirh Sch()f)l in the country, one of whom, like a little Triton, l)lcw a 
 cow's horn in honor of those mounted deities, and the other ehi|i|»iiig 
 an immense rush fool's-cap on his head, spouted, as if reciting lor a 
 school-medal, that fine line in Gray's Ode, 
 
 " Ruiu seize tbee, ruthless kiog," 
 
 while a poor old laborer, who was knapping stones on the road-side, 
 kept his hammer in air, aimed towards the mark at his toe, aid seem(>d 
 to congratulate himself on the appearance of two persons evidently 
 worse otr than himself, and in a more hopeless condition. As the 
 "Arcades ainbo" ambled by, they were succeeded by a knot of per- 
 sons evidently attached to the procession, whom 1 soon perceived to 
 be the " Seven Young Men" of the Chaldee MS.* They wore a sort 
 of uniform, of which lean and shrivelled nankeen pantaloons formed 
 the most distinguishing part. These pantaloons had been so fre- 
 quently washed, that they had almost shrunk up into breeches, and 
 indeed, I discovered them to be pantaloons chiefly from the want of 
 buttons below the knees. The seven seemed all to be Knights of the 
 Garter — some of them sporting red worsted, but most of them tape. 
 The Editor had obviously distributed to each young man a pair of 
 unbleached thread stockings for the festival, and eke a pair of new 
 shoes, in which, as usual, he showed more genius than judgment, for 
 sorely seemed their feet to be blistered, so that Seven lamer Young 
 !Men did not be seen in town or country on a summer's day. 
 Neither did they keep the step properly, but were perpetually 
 treading on each other's kibes, so that they might have been traced 
 along the dry dust of the beaten highway, by the drops of blood that 
 kept oozing from their heels. To keep up their courage, they were 
 all singing pretty much after the fashion of a Dutch concert — and I 
 distinctly heard the voice of one of them quavering a sort of profane 
 parody on a well known English glee, 
 
 " We are Seveu poor Contributors, 
 From garret just set free," &c., 
 
 while, unless I am much mistaken, another breathed out, in still more 
 ElcEfiac nnirmurs, an imitation of Words\>orth's well-known lyrical 
 ballad, "We are Seven," at the pathetic close of which I could not 
 but feel very much affected — 
 
 * The unfortunate Seven Younfr Men, -were unnamed contributors to ConstabN's rival 
 Magazine, and comineiuorated as bucli, in tlie Clialdec Manuscript.- -M.
 
 (12 cinnsTOPiiEK in the tent. 
 
 " But Btill the cliild w-oulJ have bis will, 
 Niiy, master, • wo ;iie Seveu.' " 
 
 But I now recollected, that the Editor had requested me to join the 
 pavty , so, as llunciniaii was quite iVesh. 1 helped up several of he 
 Seven Young Men upon his back, and cautioning the foremost and 
 himlermost to take a lesson by Dr. Search and Dominie, and hold 
 --veil by the mane and crupper, at the same time quieting the fears of 
 him in the middle by reiterated assurances of his safety, 1 turned 
 back pretty sharply on foot, and came \ip with the Editor and his 
 advanced guard, just as they had fixed upon a spot for their encamp- 
 nunt. I was grievously disa|>pointed, lR>wever, on missing both the 
 Greater and lesser Jetlrey, wiio had gone on, as 1 was told, to pay a 
 visit at Hamilton Palace, to their friend Lord Archibald* — and who 
 had, good-naturedly, lent the party their counti-nance as far as the 
 Kirk of Shotts, being resolved to play fair by the Editor. In less 
 than half an hour up came the Seven Young Men, who all in one 
 voice returned me thanks for the use of liunciman, without whom 
 they verily believed they could never have reached the camj). Kun- 
 ciman looked at me in a very quisquis sort of a way, as ir>ueh as to 
 say, " 1 think nothing of the wallise, but I never bargained for the 
 Contributors." There was some difficulty in getting them all oil' — 
 but by dropping down one at a time behind, llunciman's decks 
 were at last cleared, and he instantly testified his satisfaction, b} 
 throwing his heels up in the air, with an agility scarcely to have been 
 expected from a steed of his standing at the bar. Shortly after, the 
 Scotsman and his Flunky, and the Pimping Caddy, arrived — the 
 first with those dull, heavy, leaden eyes, and that sallow, cadaverous 
 face, so fearful in one just recovered from the epilepsy of passion. f 
 The Caddv had wished to have carried him back to the Jnfirrnarv: 
 but this proposal roused every feeling in the Flunky's soul, who, you 
 will remember, made a most eloquent speech last year about foul 
 bandages, and stained sheets, and crowded water-closets, and indeed 
 raved beyond all rational Hope. The Scotsman was, therefore, seated 
 on a stone, where he looked like one of those master-pieces of ancient 
 art — not surely the Apollo Belvidere, nor yet the Antinous — but 
 some solitary Satyr, exhausted by a Morris-dance; and the Editor 
 could only look at him with a true Christian pity, without being able 
 to administer to him the smallest relief. 
 
 • Lord Archibald Hamilton, brother of the late Duke of Hamilton, whose principal mansioQ 
 wiLs in Lunarkshirr, in which the Kirk o' Shotts ia also jituated. When Qoeen Caroline 
 •ame to Kn);lan>l, a few months after thiii. Lady Anne Harr.ilton (the Puke's lister), was her 
 principal — indeed her only companion oi rank. The family were then very liberal in politics, 
 which would account for Jeffrey aiid nis brother having suliicient intimacy as to visit ut 
 Hamilton Palace. — M. 
 
 t The Scotuman's fits arc certainly of the nature of epilepsy, a dispase thus defined : " a con- 
 vuUive motion of the whole bcdy, or tome of its parts, with a lois of sense." — C iN.
 
 TiiK stot's tknt. 63 
 
 I now found that the Tent had been sent by the heavy waggon, and 
 had lain all niijht on ihc road-side, so that it was in a sad rumpli'd 
 condition. An attempt was, however, made to put it into some 
 decent kind of order; but just as we were going to hoist it, a sour 
 Cameronian-looking sort of a farmer came up, and sternly declared, 
 that the Tent should not be pitched there to " fley the sfirks," calliii" 
 us, at the same time, a set of " idle stravaiging iidlows," and threat- 
 ening to send for A Constable,* at which I observed the Seven Young 
 IMen faintly smiled. We accordingly shifted our <piarters higher u]) 
 the hill, and were commencing operations a second time, when a band 
 of shearers, Irish and Highland, were attracted by curiosity to the 
 Tent, and their conversation became so extremely indecent,' that no 
 respectable set of Contributors could stand it ; so we broke ground 
 again, and attempted a lodgment close to the Kirk of Shotts. l^'or 
 some time we were greatly annoyed by numbers of black cattle, who 
 returned wheeling and wheeling around us, in the language of Milton, 
 
 " Sbarpening their mooned horns," 
 
 probably attracted by the " Galloway Stot ;" but they soon grew 
 weary of looking at us, and finally gave up the Magazine. 
 
 At last the pole was hoisted, and the canvas displayed, with the 
 words, "Constable and Company's Edinburgh Magazine," in larire 
 letters above the door, surmounted by the whole posse and esse of 
 Beasts.f It was, however, soon but too evident, that not one of the 
 party knew how to pitch a tent of the description; and there was no 
 getting the pole to stand perpendicular, so that the ropes on one side 
 were a great deal too long, and on the other by much too short. 
 There was no deficiency of wooden pegs, but they were blunt and 
 pointless, and could make no impression on the hard ground of the 
 hill of Shotts, parched and baked as it w\as by two months' drought. 
 The Dominie exerted himself in vain with his great maul, but he 
 missed the mark much oftener than he hit it, and the pegs committed 
 to his charge seemed the bluntest of the whole set. "I think the 
 tent will stand now," said the Editor, with a dubious face and hesi- 
 tating voice — and the Dominie replied, " It is perfectly glorious.*' 
 Perfectly glorious ! thought I — why it is more like an empty haggis- 
 bag than any tiling else — and as the old Scotch proverl) says, " «n 
 empty bag winna stand." The German doctor put his back to the 
 pnle, like Sampson carrying the gates of Gaza — but as he had shaved 
 that morning, his strength had departed from him, and he w\as like 
 other Contributors, so he prudently retired from the championship. 
 
 *The Seven Young Men would smile at the feeble joke, inasmuch as A. Constable, iva.s 
 proprietor ot the Magazine to which they supplied contributions.— M. 
 
 tin the Chaldee Manuscript, the two editors of Constable's Edinburgh Magazine, were 
 »;jokcn of as Beasts, and the same term was applied to the contributors who assisted them.— IW.
 
 G4 cmasTOPnioi in tiik tent. 
 
 The jK»le crcakccl om'mously, ami tliero was a continued starting of 
 wooden pegs — but we sat down nevertheless to a sort of luneb, eor 
 sisting of kibbuek* bakes* and small beer — with a small allowance 
 uf butter to each C\in(ributor, whieli, 1 regret to say, was very ran- 
 cid, melted down into a sort of laniji-oil, and thickly interspi-rstd 
 with Hies. There was in a hamper a large store of eggs, which had 
 been ]»reviously boiled — but then they had come several months 
 before from tlie Isle of Arran, and though lew of tiiem were chick 
 enny, all of tijcrn were a great deal worse — some black as ink, and 
 others of that yellow peculiar to the pus on a long-ncglectcd wound. 
 '• 1 never smelt anything half so noxious," saiil the Flunky, '' but ai; 
 ulcer last year on an <»ld woman's knee, in the Infniuary, which had 
 
 not been allowed half its allowance of rag" but here the Editor 
 
 mildly stoj)j)ed the Fliuiky, reminding him. that the yolk of the Arran 
 eggs was hard enough to bear of itself, without any unnecessary ex- 
 aggerations. Here I very fortunately went to the door — for, some 
 how or other, small beer never quite agrees with me — and no .sooner 
 had I got '■'siifj dio''' than down came Constable and Company's 
 EuiNBUKGH Magazine about the ears of the Contributors, while such 
 a noise arose 
 
 " As if the whole inhabitation perished," 
 
 Soon as the first wild din ceased, I heard the small plaintive voice of 
 Dr. Search exclaiming, as if he had been under tlie University of 
 Edinburgh, " The whole edifice is in ruins !" The Scotsman was 
 heard growling like a bear with a sore head — and the Dominie cried 
 aloud, "The pole, the pole," though certainly the last man in the 
 world likely to reach it. By-and-by the Flunky rose up with a load 
 of canvas on his back, like a week's sheeting of the Inlirmary ; and 
 this gave the Contributoi's an opportunity of escaping from theii 
 thraldom, and of making their appearance through the northwest 
 jiassage. The Editor and senior Doctor were dug out of the ruins 
 with small symptoms of animation — but the Seven Young ^len, who 
 had hiin down to sleep, escaped with a few inconsiderable bruises. 
 The two Caddies, Pimping Donald and Drunken Dugald, waxed very 
 wroth, and the former burst out, " Tamn her, what ca ye this? The 
 Scots Magazeen ? She's na worth a single doit. The bits o' rapes 
 that should hand her uj), arc a' rotten — ae pluft'o' wmi '11 coup her. 
 We mauniia cxpec' her to stann by hersel' — faith, hoist her upas you 
 wull, she'll just aye play doit again." 
 
 It was now obvious to all, that the Editor had taken too high 
 ground, and that if the company's TtMit was to be pitched at all, itf 
 must be in a situation where it would be less e.xposed to sudden ' 
 
 • S' Dr. Jumie.-on.— C. N
 
 THE stot's tent. 65 
 
 flaws of wind. It was accordingly carried by the Caddies, Editor, 
 and the Seven Young Men, down a gentle declivity, with sU)w and 
 cautions steps, till at last they reached a dt-ep hollow, where it was 
 pitched with c('nsideral)le case, the soil being bare of alt vegetation, 
 except a sort of whitish moss, and so soft and moist that the pole 
 slipt in at once, notwithstanding the awkward interference of the 
 Dominie, who, in spite of the Editor's mild rem<jnstrances, made 
 much needless flustering, and kept running to and fro like a wasp 
 without a sting, very fierce and fudgy. The Magazine was not visible 
 from almost any part of the adjacent country, in this sheltered hol- 
 low — and when every thing was properly got up, a glass of small 
 beer was handed round to each Contributor ; but, for the reasoa 
 already assigned, 1 civilly begged leave 
 
 " To kiss the cup, and pass it to the rest" 
 
 The scene now became a good deal more cheerful. The little 
 Kirk of Shotts, crowning the hill, made a decent appearance — here 
 and there were small scanty spots of oats and barley, that had, how- 
 ever, got all the ripening they were ever to have — and small insig- 
 nificant cocks of rushy hay stood pertly enough in various directions. 
 Rather unluckily there was in the Tent a nest of humble bees — of 
 that brown irritable sort called " foggies" — which were far from 
 being agreeable contributors, and some of them took a violent antip- 
 athy to the Dominie, entangling themselves in his black sleek hair, 
 and thereby sorely aggravating the natural irritability of his temper. 
 A curlew (Scottice whawp) uttered its wild cry from a neighboring 
 marsh, and a lapwing (Scottice pease-weep), afraid that the Edi- 
 tor intended to rob her nest, kept wheeling round and round the 
 tent, and then trundled herself off, with seemingly broken legs and 
 wings, to the strong temptation of Dr. Search, who, getting nettled, 
 niade one of his injudicious sallies from the Magazine in chase of her, 
 but came down on his breech in a wet marshy spring, with a squash 
 that was heard in the interior of the Tent, and brought out the Do- 
 minie with a copy of Potter's Translation of iEschylus in his dexter 
 hand, to know what had resulted. Dr. Search did not recover his 
 Serenity during the whole afternoon, but kept 
 
 " Paciug about the moors coDtioually," — 
 
 with his hand on the part that was more sinned against than sinning 
 — extending the wet cloth a few inches from the skin, and with a 
 rueful face watching the progress of the drying, which, from the low 
 situation of the place afTected, and of the Tent, was long and tedious. 
 The Contributors were beginning to bite their nails for want of 
 Vol. I.— 7
 
 66 ciiKisTornEK in tre text. 
 
 soiiathing to do or think, when the Fhinky, who had gone down to 
 the iiigh-road to see the mail-coach pass by, returned with a parcel 
 of letters, all addressed to the Editor, which, being on the publio 
 btisiness of Ti-nt or ^Magazine, were read aloud by hiui in an agroe»- 
 ble, but soniewliat nioutiiing manner. 
 
 I. 
 
 Dr.KR Sin, — T nm b<i b»L«\' v.hh my ili^covciics in Asia, fliat T cannot oome to 
 tin.' Kiik of Shotta. UcsiJt-*, 1 think tliore is ^'oin,!^ to bo a ehaii<i:e of weaUioi — 
 and 118 I Imvo s^Kpt in the Tent foiineriy. when it was in nuich hotter ivpair than 
 now. I really cannot biini; my minil to think of liskinij; my liealtli in it, it bcinij 
 Niiil to have' po many chinks. Pitch it in a lone place, and be sure you all sleep 
 tojjetlier to witKJwanl. Yours, vciy sincerely, II. M.* 
 
 t'xciie OJici', Aut/ust 2Sth. 
 
 II. 
 
 ilv Dear Sie, — Mv professional duties will prevent me from joining the Mag- 
 azine at present. Beside, you know 1 have all along been against this scbe-ne of 
 the TeiiL It is Uw obvious an imilation of our g(M>d friends in I'linres' »treet, 
 and YOU really onj^ht not, my worthy sir, to steal from Dr. Morris, and it the 
 same'time abuse him, as 1 was truly sorry to see you doinij in your last Number, 
 Depend upm it, that some confounded ChiUdee MS. or other will be coming out 
 to put you all into hot water. 1 am, my dear sir, yours ever. 
 
 College Library. 
 
 IIL 
 
 Sm,— It won't pay. Yours, W, H.f 
 
 r. S. — Reynolds is off. 
 
 Chapter Coffee-House, London, August 2-ilh. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Dear Sir, — Gude faith, I maun mind the shop, ma man. Yours, however. 
 The Corner. D. B., JuDior.| 
 
 • II. M. was intended for Henry Mackenzie, author of The Man of Feeling, Man of the 
 World, Julia tie Roiibisnt. kc. Mr. Pitt made liitn Coinftrollcr of the Taxes in Scotland, 
 which he lield until his death in 1^'tl, at the advanced age of ><.'). —M. 
 
 t W. H. indicated William Hazlitt, aKain.^t whom — as a friend of Leiph Hunt's, a con- 
 tributor to the Eiaminer and Edinbiinfii lievitw. and an avowed liberal — Mag.^ waged war 
 from l^t7 until his death, in |s:iO. John Hamilton ]{eynolds wa.s brother-in-law of Thomas 
 Mood. In l~IU, he was a sprightly contributor to Taylor and Hessey's Lonilcn Mngnziiif. He 
 wrote a pretty poem, called The (Jarden of Florence, founded on a .-itory from Boccaccio, and a 
 curions vuluiue entitled Poetical Remain:: of Peter Corcoran, — the said Peter having been an 
 illiterate prize-fighter. Mr. KeynoUU followed the profession of the law, which occupied hira 
 uo much, that for yeari> before his death, (which took place in 1852), he had not written for any 
 periodical. 
 
 X U. H., Junior, wa-i a certain David Bridges, who had a clothinr's Fhop in the High-street, 
 Edinburgh, and with great laite for the Fine Arts, and extensive acquaintance with arlist.s, had 
 contrived to make a very curious and valuable coll'.-ction of paintings, drawings, sketches, 
 engravings, and etchings, together with many fine casts from the antiijue. As .Secretary 
 of the Dilettanti, he wai intimate with Wilson, Locfchart, and the rest of the Blackwood 
 trritcni, (moat of whom were in membership), and himself an<' bis colleciion are duly nolicert 
 in l»elei'» Luit«rs — M.
 
 TIIE SIIOOTINO MATOri. C7 
 
 V. 
 
 Mu. Editou. — Tfonoren Sir, — I have got a sore head, liaving boon at. a Mason 
 Lodge last niglit. But I will tiike care to scud you the second canto of (he 8il- 
 liad, when you come back. 1 retuin you niauy tliauks for the guinea. I am, 
 booorcd sir, your grateful Contributor, Willkson Glass.* 
 
 Please show the following card to the gentlefolks. 
 Card to the public. 
 
 An ordinary every lawful day at 2 o'clock — cow-heel, tripe, liver, and litjhts. 
 (and a bottle of sniall beer between every two), for 6id. Also, on sale a volume 
 of Toems, price 3 s-hillings; to which is now added, an appendix, containing the 
 Silliad, Canto I, publisheil in the last Number of Constable and Company's Ediu- 
 buigh Magazine. The succeeding Cantos, which I am fast writing for that cele- 
 brated work, will be delivered gratis to the 3 shiUing subscribers. Performe-i 
 h' i'^'' WiLLisoN Glass. 
 
 These apologies threw a considerable damp over the Tent, but, in 
 imitation of Odohcrty and his companions, it was now proposed 
 to have a shooting match. I had not previously observed any 
 arms or ammunition about the party, who indeed seemed inoffensive 
 and altogether defenceless — but drunken Dugald now handed out the 
 weapons, and the match was decided as follows. The Scotsma,n 
 pulled out of a dirty bag (in which he carried his spare shirt) a copy 
 of Peter's Letters — 
 
 " Aye me ! that e'er green Mona'sf skeely childe. 
 Should draw the breath impure of payuim dungeon vildtfl" 
 
 and bellowed out, in a voice like that of an ox with a bull-dog hang, 
 ing by his lips, " Curse him, damn him, blast him ;" but here the 
 Flun ky stept up, and beseeched the " Mull of Galloway" to remem- 
 ber the state he was in only a few hours ago, and that two fits in one 
 da}' would infallibly carry him off. The three extended volumes of 
 Dr. Morris were accordijigly put up at the distance of 20 yards, 
 forming a line of about 3^ feet long and 1 broad. The Editors and 
 Contributors were drawn up en potence by drunken Dugald, who had 
 once served in the sea feneibles, Aberdeen, but a more awkward 
 squad I never clapped eyes upon ; and Avhen they came to the 
 " shoulder." some of them threw up their pieces into the right hand, 
 and some into the left, so that there was great confusion, and the 
 Dominie and Dr. Search actually exchanged weapons for a ^aw n.o- 
 mcnts, like Hamlet and Laertes in the play. 
 
 * Willison Glass, as may be noticed, kept a small inn, the familiar name of which in Scot 
 lanJ is •' a public." lie compounded better punch than poetry — the latter being doggerel. — M 
 1 This quotation from Spenser is very well in Hugh MuUion, for the family of Dr. Morrij 
 came, originally, Irom Anijlesea. — C. N. 
 
 ._ i Tiie subriijuet of authorship under which " Peter's Letters to his Kinsfolk" appeared Tl'e 
 . I.ume of the work was probably suggested by Paul's Letters to his Kinsfolk, published in iHl5, 
 in which Scott described his visit to Belgium and France, immediately after the f nal doT* nfadl 
 ol Napole.in — M.
 
 CllKISTOl'IlKU IN THE TENT. 
 
 \a! on the Iblh, at 2o jhnih' difhun'f. a'l sliooliiif/ with Xo. 4 {rxcfpl the Scott- 
 uan, who ustd riisli/ imila, bits i>f ijlosx, aud brvk'u li/pes), at the expanded three 
 Volumes of l>r. J'tttr Jfoiris, of J'en^haip( Hall, Abcri/xtwith. 
 
 Wadding. Shot. Grains I^eaveii 
 
 (Jz. put in. piercail. 
 
 Old Sermon. i 
 
 \ 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 2k 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 5 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 Ditto, 
 
 i 
 
 1 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 5 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 Ditto. 
 
 . pease. 
 
 ISO 
 
 
 
 Editor 
 
 1. Triid. fouud not to be clmrged 
 
 2. 11 1 mj^ tire 
 
 3. Fla:*lu'd ill tlio pan 
 
 4. \V eiit off accidentally 
 
 6. Missed 
 
 Gerinnu Doctor Gardener's gniss 
 
 Flunky I Fold linen 
 
 Soot^innn, gun recalled Ditto. 
 
 Dr. Search Fool.<cap. 
 
 Domiiiie, blunderbuss burst JTitle-naijc of the 
 
 list edit of Coua 
 Seven Young Men, pop-guD.. .. .| i^'one. 
 
 It was a hopt'lc'ss offljrt — and one of the Seven wise men (I beg his 
 ]>aril(>n), one of the Seven Young Men proposed a trial at 10 yard.s ; 
 init this was objected to by another of them, as the shot would be 
 like one ball. lie then proposed to extend the distance to 30 yards, 
 when their pieces would scatter more widely — and accordingly 
 Peter's Letters were removed by them to a still higher elevation. 
 But just as Dr. Search was going to fire, his eye caught that of the 
 wi-11-pleased, intelligent physician of Aberystwith, and suddenly shut- 
 ting hi!* eyes very hard, as frightened as a volunteer on a field-day, 
 he let fly. and missed the whole concern by at least twenty yards. 
 Just as the Dominie was going to fire, the honest face of the Elttriclc 
 Shepherd gulVawed to him from the comely octavo, as if he was laugh- 
 ing to scorn the Tent, and all the hel])less creatures about its gates, 
 and the pedagogue's gun, which he had borrowed from the Scotsman, 
 dro]>ped from his hand, 
 
 Inutile telum. 
 
 The Editor's turn came next, but just as he was taking aiin, the calm, 
 thoughtfid, philosophical countenance of Mr. Alison beamed from 
 the book,* and at its 
 
 Et tu, Brute, 
 
 the Editor went to the right about, and walked undischarged into the 
 Tent. The Scotsman then took his station, but the recoil of his 
 piece, on the former trial, had swollen his right cheek to an enormous 
 size and ugliiitss, so that he was constrained to take aim from the 
 left side, and had nearly committed fratricide on one of the stirks 
 grazing in the minister's glebe. The Flunky and others gave up in 
 
 • The Portraits in Peter's Letters.— M.
 
 THE Pn.GRIMAGE ENDED. C? 
 
 despair; and Dr. Morris, invulnerable to the Landitti into v-'iose 
 hands he nad fallen, was recommitted a prisoner to the Seotsnian's 
 dirty li;i<?, from wliich I hope he will escape iiltiniafrly, without cither 
 hifoction or vermin. 
 
 I) was now beginning to get rather chill in this high situation, and 
 the Shott's shower came drifting by, so we sought shelter in our Tent. 
 But never was anything so uncomfortable. A sort <jf fire had been kin- 
 dled in it, and drunken Dugald had been at his pipe — so it was filled 
 with smoke, through whose darkness visible frowned at times the un- 
 comely face of the Scotsman. It was also very wet beneath foot ; and 
 how, or on what, we were to pass the night, nmst have been a trying 
 thought to all of us. It soon began to rain in good earnest, a down- 
 right ])lumper, and the water came in as through a sieve. I said nothing, 
 ]>ut went out and found Kunciman with his haunches pressed close to 
 tlie Iceside of the Tent, imploring shelter. I clapped the saddle and wal- 
 lise on him, and mounted. Never was a horse happier. He set ofi'at a 
 round trot, and I soon got to Mid-Caldcr, where I shifted, and made 
 myself comfortable over a jug of toddy with the landlord, who had 
 observed the pilgrimage pass by% and felt much fur their helpless 
 condition when the storm should come on. I afterwards understood, 
 that a message had been sent from the Tent to the Manse imploring 
 a night's lodging; but the excellent minister and his lady were from 
 home, and the servant-lasses would not, on any account, admit any 
 but the "Seven Voung Men," who looked so cold and innocent that 
 they were taken to the kitchen fireside, and, after a bellyful of butter- 
 milk brose, were shown the door of the barn — but the rest passed a 
 plashy' night in the Tent. I am frightened to look back at the length 
 of this enormous letter — crossed and re-crossed like a field in Spring 
 with the harrow. But you are a good decipherer — so, hoping you 
 will pardon all this nonsense, which is at least perfectly good-natured, 
 1 am, dear Mordy, your afiectionate brother, 
 
 Hugh Mullion 
 
 Provisioii Warehonse, Grass-market, Sept. 1. 
 
 Most of us were greatly entertained with this odd letter of Hugh 
 Mullion, though perhaps all its allusions were not understood i)y 
 more than two or three of the party, of which number we frankly 
 eonfess thai we ourselves were not. To Seward and Bidler it 
 seemed wholly unintelligible, though they both continued listening 
 to the broad patois of Mordy with most laudable pei'severance ; the, 
 first occasionally exclaiming, "Cursed witty, 'pon my^ soul, you 
 Scotch people, if a Christian could comprehend ye ;" and the latter 
 as doggedly attentive as a man to a sermon in the incipient stage of 
 drowshiess ; while Price and Tims, who seemed quite alarmed at the 
 mystery^, took an opportunity of going out of the .Tent, with the
 
 70 cniiisTOPiiER IX Tire text. 
 
 avowed clfsigu of Latliing Ramlal anJ Flash in the Doc, these tvo 
 tykes fur some time having sorely interruj»ted the letter-reader by 
 tnat desperate snuzzling of mouth and nostril which accompanies an 
 unsuccessful flea-hunt. Hut though the Oxonians were not initiated 
 into these mysteries of the Cahiri, they were highly delighted with 
 the spirited sketch of the pilgrimage — and Buller, who, with all his 
 gravity and taciturnity, is evidently a wag in his way, put himself 
 mti> an attitude, when sitting hehind Seward on the head of the whis- 
 kv-cask, most ludicrously imitative of the Dominie, 
 
 " Alike — but, oh ! how different." 
 
 " Pray, Mordy," said Dr. Morris, " have you in good fiith a bro- 
 ther called Hugh, or is this letter all a quiz?" '• It is exceedingly 
 good to hear you talk of quizzing," replied Mordec^ai — " but do you 
 know. Doctor, that many people in Edinburgh maintain that you — 
 even you yourself — are a fictitious character altogether, and that 
 John Watson's picture is not a copy of, but absolutely the original 
 and onlij Dr. Morris. You are a mere man of canvas, Doctor, and 
 that pawky face and skecly skull of yours, so like flesh, blood, and 
 bone, is, I am credibly informed, nothing but a mixture of oil-colors, 
 and that you were begotten, carried forward, born and ])red, all in 
 about three sittings." Dr. Morris, who is much given to laugh at 
 others, was somewhat disconcerted by this attack on his very exist- 
 ence, and Tickler recommended him to institute a prosecution against 
 those who absolutely were attempting to de[>rive him, not of the 
 means of subsistence, for that was a mere trifle, l)ut of a body to be 
 subsisted. — '" It',^^ continued Tickler, " you be indeed a fictitious cha- 
 racter, you are the most skilt'ul imitation of a human being that I ever 
 met with in davli-dit. You think nothing of eatinc a brace of frrouse 
 and a pound of hianxy t<j your breuktlist — inderd. always saving and 
 excepting our Editor, 1 will liack you to eat against the whole Tent 
 — and as for the mountuin dew, ye sip it like a second Ettriek Shep- 
 herd. Come, tell us tVankly at once, are you, <>r are you not, a ficti- 
 tious character V Hogg chuckled to hear his friend Morris roasted ; 
 "for," quoth he, "Pate is aye jiiaying ofl* his tricks on me and my 
 fiznomie; and though I'm as good-natured a chield as maist folks, 
 deil tak me gin 1 dinna turn about some day on him and some mairo' 
 you daft blades, and try gin 1 canna write a Chaldee MS. Gray was 
 dijing a' lie cnuld to put me up to it a gay while sync, but gin I do't 
 at a' ril do't o' my sell, and no for nane o" his gab — lor he's just gacu 
 a' hyte ihegilher, 'cause Dr. Morris there didna clap him in aniaug 
 the leeterawti." — Dr. Morris had by this time rcco\ered himself, aiid 
 he observed, that on a question of this nature he could searcely be 
 admitted as a witness, still less as a judge. Yet he must be allowed 
 to say, that the charge of nonentity brought against him was far from
 
 scurnBi.E's epistlk, 7t 
 
 being hiindsomc in the Whigs of E(]inl)urgh, to whose existence he 
 had not scnipK'd to bear the most hoiinraMc testimony. "Pray," 
 jidded tlie Dtn-lur, "is Mr. JetlVey a (ietitious eharacter ? Is Pro- 
 fcFsor Leslie a fictitious character '{ Nay, to come nearer home, is 
 Mr. Wastle here a fictitious character"? I am confident that every 
 candid person will at once ri'ply in the negative. Why, therefore, 
 not admit me to the same privileged 
 
 " Though fame I sliglit, nor for her favors call, 
 I come iu pei'sou, if I come at all." 
 
 The point heing at last conceded to the elorpient physician, Mr. 
 Seward rose from the cask with his usual grace, and threw over to 
 us a letter, written in a Large gnostic sprawling hand, on massy hot- 
 pressed paper, and enclosed in a franked envelope, with a splash of 
 wax as broad as a china saucer, which he said we w^ere at liberty to 
 read, now that the Cockneys were hunting the Naiads, swearing ns 
 at the same time to silence, as from the irascible temper of Tims, 
 who had lately been within an ace of swallowing the Standard-bearer, 
 he could not hope to return to his rooms in Peek-water,* were that 
 illustrious Luddite to discover the nature of his correspondence with 
 old Scribble. 
 
 TO HARRY SEWARD, ESQ. 
 
 Bedford Coffee-Home, Sept. 1, 1819. 
 
 I PITY you sincerely, my dear friend, amongst those Scottish sav- 
 ages. You are like Theseus amongst the Centaurs. Buller himself 
 seems to be undergoing a sort of metempsychosis, and his transform- 
 ation begins at the stomach. He is, probably, by this time, a wolf. 
 As to those two anomalous instances of humanity, those Weaklings 
 of the City, I really expect that they will be devoured in the first 
 dearth of game, and that Tims, being found too meagre even for soup, 
 will be cast as " bones" to those lean and hungry quadrupeds who 
 follow the march of your frightful army. Everything wiih you 
 seems to wear the same face ; from the " imbcr edax" to the canines 
 themselves. 
 
 Well, here I am, the victim of leisure and hot weather. I am 
 waiting my uncle's arrival from Paris, and my only consolation is, 
 that 1 am at least on dut}^ I struggle through the day in the most 
 pitiable perplexity, laboring from hour to hour to be amused and 
 amusing in vain. 1 even suspect that I shall infuse a portion of my 
 languor into this my epistle to you. I don't know how the devil the 
 women contrive to get f)n, but there is a spirit of perversity about 
 them now and then, which supplies the place of animal strength. 
 
 • Mr. Seward has si»ce condescended to inform us that Peck-water is the name of one of the 
 quadrangles ^ur, as he terms them, quads) of cJirist-Church, Oxford. — C. N.
 
 72 ciTRisTorinnt in the tent. 
 
 The male pfTr«»nncrs at the Lycoiim have evidently been unable to 
 go throujih tliree pieees e^icli night ; so tlie women started (all fillies 
 as fur tho '• Oaks"), and ran over the jiround ahme. This is a pieee 
 of iinpiidriKo till llic part of ihu pi'ttiroats whitli dt-siTVos sonielhinix 
 more th.sii in(.rc rciiioustrante. Miss Kelly, to be sure, stands out 
 as a fine c-oiicentratiun of the male sjieeies (she is the only ai>proxi- 
 piatitui to the sex), and " serves you out'' with a due portion of talk, 
 m order to do justiee to her eorporate eapacity. ilrs. Chatterly, 
 too, is a pleasant evidenee of loquacious frailty ; and Miss Stevenson, 
 with only ouo rharacter to support, has a sort of double-tongued 
 attainment, which she puts forth in a way jirepossessingly earnest. 
 We feel convinced, at once, that Mr. Ashe is by no means the only 
 person who can perform a duet on one instrtimeiit. 
 
 I lament, sincerely, that you liaven't got your gloves with you ; 
 otherwise you might take the conceit out of Mister Price, and abolish 
 Tims altogether, — the one for affecting the gentleman, and the other 
 for imitating man ;;t all. 
 
 Tims ! — there is a monosyllabic thinness in the name that stands in 
 the place of the most elaborate comment. It has no >veight upon the 
 tongue, and sounds like the essence of nothing. It scarcely amounts 
 to ''thin air;" and \%hen one strives to elevate it to the dimiitv of a 
 word, one feels a consciousness that the attempt is presumptuous and 
 vain. The letters seem scarcely the legitimate offsjiring of the alpha- 
 bet. They have, collectively, none of the softness of the vowel, and 
 none of the strength of the consonant : but seem to be at the halfway 
 house between meaning and absurdity. The name (pronounce it) 
 sounds like the passing buzz of a drone. It is like a small an<l ill- 
 favored number in the lottery, which seems predestined to he a l)lank 
 from the begiiming. I see Tims " the shadow" before me ; and when 
 ever, for the future, I shall quote the saying of the mighty Julius, 1 
 will say, "Aut Qesar, aut Tims !" 
 
 And then you tell me of Mister Price. I admire your ingenious 
 note about dandies, but the subject is stale, and I cannot revive it. 
 lie seems of the same intellectual stature with his friend, but he has 
 more of the leaven of mortality about him. This seems to be the 
 sole distinction between them — one appears to be a vehicle ftjr want 
 of meaning, and the other cannot claim to be even anything. The 
 utterance of the name of" Price" leaves the lips in a state of suspen- 
 sion, and as it were consideration, which alone gives him claim to 
 some attention. One says, almost nuchanirally, " Price !" — " What 
 Price?" — any Price : — no Price. The liill is like that of the stocks 
 m stormy times, except that the name is scarcely worth a " specuhi- 
 tion." 
 
 Talking of gloves, as Mr. Aircastle would say, puts me in mind
 
 TjiK lima. 7i 
 
 of iho real tliinir, of which gloves are but the roprcsontativcs.* Cy 
 Davis tias ri'tricvod his fanio. TTo has ooininittc^d a sort of conqiiosi 
 upon a goiitk'iiiiin iVoiu the "I'^iiirrald Isle," wliosc <ri'iiiiis was anv- 
 thinjT l)ut pugilistic. They met at Moulsey ; the collision wn'^s/rikii'i.y 
 ciioiigh, but altogether in favor of Cy. Your friemls are wrong aliout 
 Douelly. lie did not " go iimnediately to Brighton." I saw him 
 at IJiddiesdown about three hours after his viclory, as it has Ixh'u 
 pleasantly called (he was within an ace of getting a drubbing), and I 
 heard IShelton invite him very civilly to a renewal of the sport in 
 two or three months' time. "Sir Daniel," however, seemed to have 
 more than enough of conquest, and sported forbearance, lie is a 
 heavy, awkward fellow, and beat, by mere accident, Oliver, who is 
 much lighter than himself, and the slowest hitter in the ring. " Mr. 
 Daniel," before the battle, affected to be sorry for poor " Oliver, on 
 account (»f his family — hecase he should hate him so oslii/ / f'' But 
 what is all this to you, who, it seen\s, put forth your Oxford fruit in 
 a foreign land, and reduce the Coliseum to couplets. 
 
 By-the-by, if Buller should go on blundering at the birds as in the 
 olden time, he will stand a good chance of getting a coup de grace 
 from one or other of your new friends. Pei-ha[)s Mr. Odohert^'^ mav 
 ' do the honors," or the task may be confided to the " shepherd's 
 dog," in one of those snug dells whieh occur frequently among the 
 mountains. Mr. Odoherty is a ])leasant exotic, who would run wild 
 in any soil. Give my compliments to him; and say that, for Dr. 
 Morris, his visage, and his craniology, I profess to entertain the most 
 profound respect. 
 
 I have scarcely room to say that I am, as usual, yoiirs very sin- 
 cerely, Freeman Scuibble. 
 
 At the conclusion of this epistle, the Ettrick Shepherd asked Sew- 
 ard, with more asperity than we recollect ever before to have seen 
 him exhibit, "Wha that Scribble ane had in his ee when he tanked 
 o' Scottish savages ?" Seward, who had lone taken a strong likinc 
 to the Shepherd, gave him the most reiterated assurances that there 
 was nothing personal in the remark, l>ut that, on the contrary, it ap- 
 plied to the Editor and all the Contributors indiscriminately — with 
 which satisfactory explanation the Bard seemed quite contented. 
 Nothing could be more delightful than to witness the friendship of 
 those two great men. We had been informed in the morning, hy 
 
 * A promising plant of the Bristol Garden. He was beat by Turner, and it was thniiplit by 
 some, that he foii^^ht shy of the Welshman's left-hand — but t'other day, he srnas)ied llii^hncl, 
 the little Irish Ajax, like so much crockery- ware. Cy. is a good hitter — but he is fond of 
 bavins: thin<;s his own way, and is thou^'ht to pay a compliment better than be receives one. 
 llut who is nerfect ?— C. N. [Cy., or Cyril Davies, was a professional prize-fiffhter. So was 
 Shelton. and >o was Donelly, commonly called " Sir Daniel," on his own rejiort that, after be 
 fought and beat Oliver, in July, IsH), he was invited to meet tlie Prince Regent, at Brighloj, 
 where he received the honor of Knighthood 1 — M.]
 
 74 CflUISTOl'IIER IN THE TEST. 
 
 Tickler, that (liiritij; our ubsence Hogg aiul Scwaril wore Insepa- 
 rable. The Shepherd recited to the Oxonian his wiM lays of fairv 
 superstition, and his countless traditionary ballads of the olden time 
 — while the Christ-Chureh man. in return, spouted Et(Mi and Oxford 
 Prize Poems, — sumo of them in Latin, and, it was suspected, one or 
 two even in Greek, — greatly to the illumination, no doubt, of the 
 Pastoral Bard. Ib'gg, however, frankly informed his gay young 
 friend, "that he ct>uld na thole college poetry, it was a' sae desperate 
 stupitl. As for the Latin and Greek poems, he liked them weel 
 enougii, fur it was na necessary f<)r ony body to understand them ; 
 but tiir his ain part, he aye wished the English anes to hae just some 
 Wee bit inkling o' meaning, and, on that acc^amt, he hated worse o' 
 a' them that Seward called by the curious name o' Sir IJoger New 
 digates.* Deel tak me," quoth the Shepherd, "gin the Sir Rogers 
 binna lang supple idiots o' lines, no worthy being set up in teeps." 
 "Similitude in Dissimilitude" is the principle of friendship as well 
 as, according to Mr. Wordsworth, of poetry — and certainly, while 
 Ilogg and Seward resembled each other in frankness, joviality, good 
 humor, generosity, and genius, there is no denying that the shades' 
 of ditferencc in their appearance, dress, and manners, were very per- 
 ceptible. Seward was most importunate on the Shepherd to get hini 
 to promise a visit to Oxlord, where, with his liglit sky-blue jacket and 
 white hat, he would electrify the Proctors. Nay, the Englishman 
 went so far as to suggest the propriety of the Shepherd's entering 
 himself at one of the Halls, where gentlemen, by many years his 
 senior, sometimes come to revive the studies of their youth — and 
 " who knows," said Seward, " my dear chum, if the Ettrick Shepherd 
 may not one day or other be the Principal of St, Mary's Hall." 
 The Shepherd replied with his usual naivete, that he " preferred re- 
 maining the Principal of St. Mary's Loch ;" at which piece of plea- 
 santry Buller himself, though a severe critic of jokes, condescended 
 to smile, somewhat after the manner of Dr. Hodgson. f 
 
 We took up a little parcel, which had been forwarded to lis from 
 Edinburgh, and found it to contain some very beautifid verses by 
 Mrs. Jlcmans, on a subject that could not but be profoundly inter 
 esting to the sou. of every Scotsman. Our readers will remember, 
 that about a year ago, a truly patriotic person signified his intention 
 of giving £1.000 towards the erection of a monument to Sir William 
 \N'allace. At the same time, he proposed a prize of £50 to the best 
 Poem on the following subject — '• The meeting of Wallace and Bruce 
 
 • Th< prize contended for at Oxford, by under-praduates, for the best poem on a piven 
 (iibject, waj< founded by Sir Ko^er Newdijjate, wlio^e name it brars. U liapjH-ns tbat llcber- 
 Wilfon, and Milinan, aru about tlie only true poets wlio liave obtained this prize within tlie 
 liut iiaif century.— M. 
 
 ; Th.a vrai the Kcv. Dr Frodiham Hodgson, then Priueipal of BrazenoM Collage, 0^ 
 fo'd. — .M
 
 BERZELTU8 PENDKAGON. 75 
 
 on the Banks of the Carroii." This prize was lately adjudgi^d to 
 AFrs. neinaus, whose poetical genius has been for sonic years well 
 known to the publie, l)y those very heantiCul poetns, "Greece," ami 
 "'The Restoration of the Works of Art t(^ Italy." — Our pages have 
 already been graced with some of her fmesfc verses — witness that 
 most patiietic Kh'gy on the Death of the l^riiicess Charlotte, which 
 ; first appeared in our Miscellany. It was with nuuh pleasure that 
 we lately observed, in that respectable journal, the Edinburgh 
 ^Monthly Review, a very elegant critique on a new volume of Airs. 
 Ilemans, entitled "Tales and Historic Scenes," with copious ex- 
 tracts; and when we mentioned in the Tent, that Mrs. Ilemans liad 
 authorized the judges, who awarded to her the prize, to send hiT 
 poem to us, it is needless to say with what enthusiasm the proposal 
 of reading it aloud was received on all sides, and at its co)ielusion 
 what thunders of applause crowned the genius of the fa.r poet. 
 Scotland has her Baillie — Ireland her Tighe — England her Ilemans.* 
 We now took up, with great satisfaction, a small packet, the su- 
 perscription of which was evidently in the hand-writing of our old 
 worthy friend. Dr. Berzelius Pendragon. The Doctor, though now 
 a shining star of the Episcopalian Church, had not been originally 
 destined for holy orders, and for some years bore the comu.ission of 
 surgeon in the 1st regiment of the West-York Militia. On its re- 
 duction he naturally enough turned his thoughts to divinity ; and 
 having, at the age of fit'ty, got a curacy worth £80, at least, per 
 annum — he, being a bachelor, may be said to have been ni easy, if 
 not aOluent circumstances. Just on reaching his grand climacteric 
 he fell into matrimony, and the cares of an infant family ensuing, he 
 very judiciously took boarders and wrote for reviews. The board- 
 ers, however, being all north-countrymen, and thence voracious, 
 over-eat the terms ; and the reviews paid only £2 2s. per sheet of 
 original matter, where extracts were of no avail. Having heard of 
 our Magazine — as indeed who has not ? — he came down into Scot- 
 
 • Joanna Ba.illic, author of Plays on the Passions, and Felicia Hflmans, the lyric poet, are 
 too well known to require particular notice here. The name of Mrs. Tighe is less known. 
 She was the lovely and accomplished wife of an Irish gentleman, and wa.-; her.iteif a daugh- 
 ter of Krin. She wrote a Wautiful poem, in the Spen.=eri'an stanza, entitled •' Psyche," which 
 did not appear until after her death. The touching lyric on " The Grave of a Poetess," w:is 
 written hy .Mrs. Heraans, in view of her last resting-place, and one of Moore's Irish Melodies, 
 (" I saw thy Form in Youtliful Prime,") was suggested by her early death. There was aj 
 much truth as poetry, if all that is related of Mrs. Tighe be true, in the conciuuing stanza, 
 If souls could always dwell above, 
 
 Thou ne'er hadst left that sphere; 
 Or could we keep the souls we iove. 
 
 We ne'er had lost thee here, Mary ! 
 Though many a gifted mind we meet, 
 
 Though fairest forms we see, 
 To live with them is far less sweet, 
 Than to remember thee, Mary ! 
 
 Mo'ire ad nits that, in the closing lines, he endeavored to imitate that exquisite inscription 
 of tjhenstjue's, •' Heu 1 quanto minus est cum reliquis versari quam tui meminesse !" — M.
 
 70 ciiKisTornF.R in the tent. 
 
 land in ISIS, and took up his abode with Ben Waters.* No man ever 
 so looked the Contributor as tlio liev. Berzclir.s PtMidr:ijrnn (for at 
 that ti)no Ik- had no drm-n-); and wc aecordiuLllv |iut Iiiiii into (rain- 
 iujr in Constable's Magazine, to see as it were what he could do there 
 with the mufflers, l)elbre we ventured to back him in a real stand-up 
 fight. II is first pcrlbrnuinces were promising ; and his account of a 
 wonderful American animal, twenty feet high, and with soles three 
 yards in circumference (under the fictitious signature of Serjeant 
 Pollock, Blantvre), attracted considerable notice among the natural- 
 ists of the united kingdoms. Unfortunately, in the farther prosecu- 
 tion of that animal, he committed himself by some allusion to Sir 
 Joseph Banks, who was then too ill to be taking that active interest 
 in the mastodonton (so the creature of Pendragon's imagiiuition was 
 called) attributed to him ; and the suspicions of the sapient Editor 
 having been awakened, he very considerately wrote to Dr. Hodgson 
 of Blantyre for a certificate of Serjeant Pollock's existence. The 
 Serjeant of course turned out to be as completely a fictitious animal 
 as the mastodonton himself, and the soles of his feet precisely of the 
 same dimensions ; and of course a very striking anatomical sketch of 
 the latter, which Berzelius had drawn for Con>^tal)le, was committed 
 to the flames, and the very paper bones of the formidable monster 
 reduced to ashes. Peiidragon, however, had acquired ri'putntion by 
 this set-to, and he was matched against the Bagman (See Number 
 for August, 1818), f whom he beat with apparent ease; though we 
 confess, that during the battle he attem[>ted more than one blow of 
 dubious character, which the Bagman, who is a fine spirited lad, 
 agreed to overlook. 
 
 His fame getting wind, the Senatus Academicus of the University 
 of Glasgow, in the handsomest manner, conferred upon him the 
 unsolicited degree of D.l)., and rarely has it been by them so judi- 
 ciously bestowed. From this time, our friend Pen dragon, who had 
 been previously noted f<)r a sort of dry humor, that in days of old 
 was wont to set the mess-table of the West-York Militia in a roar, 
 became somewhat grave and formal — nay, even pompous and aphor- 
 
 * Ben Waters Vent a tavern in Edinburgh, much frequented by " youn^ men about to-vrn." 
 OJuheriy, wlio celeDrated his praise and tliat of Bill 'iounp, at whose hoslelree the DilettauU 
 used to meet, speaks of Waters, as 
 
 "charming B<>n, 
 Simplest and stupidest of men." 
 
 Young and Waters, with their laureate, have pa.-^sed away and are among the things which 
 have been — M. 
 
 t This wan an amusing review of two works simultaneou.«ly published in London, in 1817. 
 One waa ''Letters from the North Highlands" by Klizabeth IsabiUa Spence ; the other, 
 " Letters from Scotland, by an Kncljsh Commercial Traveller." It is dilKcult to say which 
 was moft amu.sing — from .>-iieer ab^urdity. The lady intensely admired eviTy thing Scolti^h 
 the gentleman turned up his nose at every thing which was not from "Lun'un." Black woe. 
 ceized th'; tit-liitsof each book, and made a '■ ri^hte merry and deliohllul" article from their; 
 concluding with a suggestion, that the Travelling Spinster and the Literary Bagman should 
 marry. The article excited much amusement at the time, (by the way, it sgld otT two ediliuO' 
 of the b<A>k4 ! and is often referred to in Blackwooa. — M.
 
 AT amhiiose's. 77 
 
 istical — .so that he rominflcd us very muoh of Dr. Slealh, the present 
 head-master of St. Paul's Sehool, London, formerly of Ku<il>y. He 
 is, hoivever, a truly worthy man — "a man of morals and of mauner.s 
 too;" and our readers will be happy to be informed, that what with 
 '•the aniuial cominifs-in of a small benefiee," (such are some words 
 iii The Excursion,) and what with our ten guineas per sheet, the 
 Doctor and Mrs. Pendragon contrive to make the ends meet very 
 comfortably, and likewise to support a fiinily whieh bills fiir to 
 emulate in numbers that of the greatest productive laborer of this 
 economical age — the President of the Board of Agriculture! A tier 
 this slight and imperfect sketch of Berzelius Pendragon, D.D. — tor 
 he was not known to the whole conclave — we did not fear to read 
 aloud the following article on 
 
 pyne's history of the royal residences.* ' 
 
 It is quite possible to have too much of a good thing. This may 
 be considt-red as a somewhat trite and elderly remark, to proceed 
 from the pen of one of our (collectively speaking) original and erratic 
 divan. But fortunately for the existence and well-being of that at 
 present flourishing fraternity, there yet remains amongst them one 
 sober, staid, and quietly disposed gentleman — one true-bred and 
 thoro'-paced lieviewer of the old school — in short, that anomaly in 
 our little museum of natural history at Ambrose's, " a married man 
 between fifty and sixty." By-the-by, that "obscure man," the 
 Editor, seems, during our absence from the shooting party on tlte 
 twelfth of August, to have entirely forgotten us. But we do not 
 wonder at it — for the whole party frequently forget us even in our 
 very presence, when we are sitting in due state over our pint of 
 London porter, after supper at Ambrose's — listening to, — or at least 
 hean.iKj^ their enormous jokes. And yet there is nothing very 
 strange in this, for, to disclose one of the "secrets of the prison- 
 house," they sometimes, on these occasions, forget themselves. 
 
 But observe the effect of " evil communication !" The perpetual 
 example of these flighty fellow-laborers of ours has actually betrayed 
 lis, Berzelius Pendragon, D.D.f into the unpardonable indecorum of 
 departing from the straight road which we had prescribed to our 
 selves. 
 
 • Printed for A. Dry, LonJon. 1S19. 3 vols. 4to. 21 guineas.— CN. [This was what i.s calleJ 
 " a skit," in the manner, introduced in Maga, of thr.jwing a great deal of persona: allusion? 
 into its critical articles. Mr. I'yns, actually did produce a w irk on the Royal Residence.s in 
 Great Britain. — M.J 
 
 t It may be well to state that one of our brethren (the reader will guess irAiVA). knowing no 
 better, interpreted this D.D. Doctor of Decorum ; alluding probably to our increasing, tliongh 
 too frequently inetTectual, efforts to preserve that propriety of conduct at our meetinirs witliou.' 
 which a .society of literati are little better than a smiety of other people. Kver .since thaJ 
 time, though there are several other doctors among us, we have been styled TllK DocTon. jja. 
 excellence. Perhaps tuey give us this title as a quiz, but we take it as a compliment. — B. P.
 
 78 CnKISTOPITER IN THE TENT. 
 
 We vrcre about to observe, that if it were not for a Conliibutoi of 
 the kind we have described ourselves to be, — capable and willing to 
 liirow in a nu-asure vf salutary dii!iie«;s ntiw and tlu-n, hy v.ay oC 
 ballast, — the vessel would very suuii upset, or be blown clean out of 
 tile water. AVith all our sober and constitutional views on politics, 
 prouerly so-called, yet we are fain to confess, that there is nothiiiglike a 
 rej'ubliean lurin of government in societies like ours. Or ]ierliaps ic 
 should rather be called an oligarchy. In short, let it be anything rather 
 tiiana monarchy ; for in three months that wcnild inevitably degenerate 
 into a flat despotism. Think, tor a moment, of our Miscellany being 
 governed or conducted by any one anu>ng our numerous, and, in 
 their own departments and their own opinions, highly gifted frater 
 nity ! why, instead of l)eing. as it is now. a perpetual " M:tgazin do 
 Nouveautes," a perteet •' Theatre de Varietes," — it would instantly 
 be recast in the mould of the self-love of him into whose hands it 
 might fall, and become, like the walls of Carlisle prison, all of a 
 ce'or, and verv hard to get through. 
 
 For example : — If the conduct of our work were resigned to Dr. 
 Morris, does any one who knows that worthy Welslunan doubt that, 
 notwithstanding his natural acuteness and love of variety, he would 
 be tenn>ted to make it subserve to the aggrandizement of (whati-ver 
 he may say or swear to the contrary) his tiivorite study ] All its fea 
 tures would be changed. Tlu' f()ur sides of the cover, instead of exhi- 
 biting the philosophical and philanthropic physiognomy which has been 
 mistaken for that of Mr. Blackwood himself, — and the interesting 
 and instructive advertisements of books published by " John Murray 
 and William Blackwood," or " William Blackwood and John 
 Murray," would be occupied by a front, a back, and two side views 
 cf the human skull divine, forming, together, a complete atlas of the 
 5jt;^)graphy of the four dilTerent quarters of that (in his opinion) 
 celestial globe.* And the internal arrangements would imdergo a 
 change no less calculated to " perplex the nations ;" for the doctor 
 would certainly convert it into a kind of log-book, to record the dis- 
 cfiveries he has made, and intends to make, in his late and future 
 expeditions to examine the regions about the North Pole. 
 
 ^Vould the work be better off under the sole guidance of any other 
 among US? Alas! no, Kempferhausen would inflate it into a huge 
 jiaper-balkxiu, to go up into the clouds monthly, and carry messages 
 between him and his ladv, the moon. Wastle would make it all 
 Thyjue — which is ba<l enough ; and Lauerwinkle all reason — which is 
 worse. Nay, we shall candidly confess — (for candor is our foible) — 
 
 • The meJallion portrait of Georje Huchanan. the Scottish historian and poet, actually haJ 
 b<;en liikcn, in cer;ain d^^rk jiarts of Scc.tlanJ, as a representation of Jiiackwuod cr Kit North 
 In " I'eter's Lettem," the ;.<c»(/o-Ui Murr.s alfected to be an entliUMa>tiC disciple of I'hrc- 
 Oulcgy, a itcienc'e of recent dikcover; in ISIO. — .M.
 
 THE TWELVE C.ESARS. 7 "J 
 
 that if vje ourselves had the Tnanagomtnt of it, it would probably bo 
 very little better than Constable's. 
 
 Even if Odulierty — the inexhaustible and immortal Odohorty — (I 
 call him "immortal" — for it appears that he has hitherto eseajied 
 unhurt from Waterloo, an Irish widciw, and whisky punch.) even if 
 he \vere to undertake the care, it would certainly fail — for he M-<)nld 
 make it anytliing, which is nothing. Tliat is to say, he would " make 
 nothing of it." Or if he did, it would be only fun : — And if one 
 could conceive an ocean formed all of whisky toddy — (nothing but 
 the anticpio imagination of the El trick Sliephcrd, or the antic one ut' 
 Odoherty, could conceive such a thing) — it would probably be quite 
 as unpleasant and as unprofitable to be drowned in that as in one of 
 common salt-water. 
 
 No. If we rcizard the w'elfare of our little community, we must 
 none of us aspire to be Caesars. Unless, indeed, when a dozen of us 
 are met together at our little library in Gabriel's lload, we can 
 tlmcy ourselves, for the time-being, the twelve Cesaus, shut up in 
 a coin-collector's cabinet. The truth is, we form a very strong and 
 handsome bundle as it is; but if any accident should break the string 
 that holds us togetlier, we shall be no better than so many t<iicks. 
 
 I5ut we are astonished, and even scandalized, on looking over what 
 we have written ! Why, we have been thinking and talking about our 
 flashy and frisky fraternity, till they have actually inveigled us into a fit 
 of momentary mirth ! To our contemplation the thing seems as little 
 in keeping, as it would be to see Professor Leslie phiy at leap-frog,* 
 or Dugald Stewart dance a saraband. A fit of pleasantry ! — We 
 would as soon, if not sooner, have had a fit of the gout : For while 
 the former is sure to betray us into some idle and unseemly levity, 
 the latter, — with its concomitants of easy-chair, foot-stool, flannel 
 and Maderia, — gives an air of doctorial dignity to the whole man ; 
 and demands a degree of deference and respect oftener — (we grieve 
 to say it) — oftener expected than paid. Truly, we have most 
 strangely departed from the accustomed and required dignity of our 
 department. If we should hereafter learn that we have l)eeu so 
 unhappy as to call up a smile to the face of the reader, we shall 
 never forgive ourselves ; — and shall never hear the last of it at 
 Ambrose's. But still the reader himself shall not suflcr through our 
 misconduct : for, seeing that at the outset of our article we have been 
 more lively than became us, we shall take care, throughout the 
 
 * Tn Peter's Letters there is a description of a day passed with Jeffrey, at Craijr-crook, (his 
 country-seal near Edinburgh), in Idltf, when Professors Playfair and Leslie were of the party. 
 A trial of strt^n^rtli in leaping was proposed, and, says Dr. Morris, "with the exci'l^tion of 
 Leslie, they all'^jumped wonderfully; and JellVey was quite miraculous, consiJenn;; his 
 
 Lrevity of stride. But the greatest wonder of the whole was Mr. Playfair. He was, also, a 
 §hort man, and he cannot be less than seventy, yet he took his stand with the assurance of an 
 
 ttihlete, and positively beat every one of us, — the very best of us, at lea:.t half a heel'e 
 
 breadth."— M.
 
 80 CTTRI^TOrilER IN THE 'it:nt. 
 
 remainder of it, to indulge him witli more than our usual ard stipu 
 I.-tted proportion of dulhiess. But, before proceeding to the imme- 
 diate subject of our article, if Jiiay be well to stafe, for tiie satisfac- 
 tion of ail parties, that tiie foreg^ting is our very first exhibition c, 
 this kind ; and is likely to be the very hist. We might, to be sure, 
 expunge the objt>ctionable part of what we have written, and re-write 
 the whole article. But, — to sav nothing of our beiim rather behind 
 our time, — we have considered that it will be, upon the whole, better 
 to let it remain ; as a salutary warning, both to ourselves and others, 
 not to quit the path which nature, habit, and inclination have marked 
 out for them : — For, if we may judge of ourselves, we cut as strange 
 a figure at a frisk, as the Ettrick Shepherd would at a quadrilie 
 partv. For l)c it known to all whom it may concern, (and wliom does 
 it not concern \) — that we, Berzelius Pendragon, D.D., do hereby 
 disclaim all participation in the merits or demerits of the numerous 
 noisy and nonsensical articles that have from time to time ajipeared 
 in this Magazine. But as the Public seem to patronize them, well 
 and good. It is their concern, not ours. At the same time, though 
 no one has hitherto thought fit to mention our name — not even the 
 Editor in his account of the late shooting party on the 12th of 
 August — we shall no longer be induced tt> t'orcgo the portion of 
 credit which really does belong to us ; and which the Contributors 
 themselves were not very wise in so long wilhliulding from the true 
 claimant, seeing that they would every one of llicm be sorely averse 
 from taking it upon themselves. All the grave articles, then, — (it is 
 quite needless to particularize them) — which have graced and are to 
 grace these pages — all which by general consent have been stamped 
 with the (in our opinion meritorious) character of dullness — were 
 o«»ntrived and constructed solely and exclusively by us, Berzelius 
 Pendiagon,* D.D. We now return to "the even tenor of our 
 way," — and proceed to " labor in our vocation." 
 
 Jt has not i)een our practice to notice works whose chief attractions 
 consist in their pictorial embellishments; but we have been so much 
 pleased in looking over these volumes, that we are induced to make 
 them more extensively known than they are likely to be in this pari 
 of the kingdom without our aid. — Among the many richly illustrated 
 works that have of late years evinced the enterprise and liVterality ot 
 British [iui)lishers, perhaps this is at once the most splendid and tlit 
 most interesting. — Undoubtedly the external character and appear 
 ance of the English palaces have long bi'cn the theme of vulgar sur 
 ])rise and contemptuous com])arison, by foreigners visiting this coun , 
 
 • The reader will probably liave anticipated, even if we had not informed him, thai when- 
 ever il in needful for any wiiilen coiniiiuuicaliun to pass between us and our coadjutors, they ' 
 invariably place a hyphen between each syllable ol our name — I'en-drag-cn. 'I'hus trans- 
 furinin;; a a;>tin<;uiMicd patronymic into a despicable pun — or rather a trinity of puna. Triu ' 
 juncta in uno. — ii. P. j
 
 KOYAL PALACES. 81 
 
 try; and also by those English (nnw/lcrs wlio visit the coulinent (that 
 is to say, J*'iris), tor the iiotiililo purpose of discovering and i.iukiii'r 
 known in what respects otiicr eounlries are snperior to tlieir own. 
 If yon tell these people that Lon<lon boasts the liiiest religions teni])lc 
 in the world, they answer, " ]i;it lo< k at St. Jan)es' Palace, and com- 
 pare it with that of the Tnilcries ! ' IC yon point to onr Charituble 
 institutions, nnai>proached in munificence of endowment ami extent 
 of utility by those of any other nation, they exclaim, "But then how 
 miscra])ly inferior are Kew and Hampton Court to St. Cloud and 
 VersailK-s !" If you prove to them that the Custom House, the 
 East India House, and the Bank, evince more wealth and public 
 spirit than could be found among the same class of persons in all the 
 nations of the continent united, tiiey rcjdy, "But then, what a paltry 
 private residence for a queen is the cottage at Frogmore, coni|>arcd 
 witli the two Trianons !" It is undoubtedly a reasonable subject of 
 surprise, that, during the last two centuries, so little has been added 
 to the external splendor of the English palaces ; but, as it regards the 
 people, one should perhaps expect it to form a subject of congratula- 
 tion rather than regret. C(M'tain it is, however, that the magnificent 
 work to which we now call the reader's attention, fully proves that, 
 in the internal arrangements of the royal residences, there is no lack 
 of splendor which should surround the court and person of the Eng- 
 lish sovereign ; no deficiency of subjects calculated to awaken and 
 renew many of those delightful associations which we are accustomed 
 to connect with times of romance and chivalry; and, above all, no 
 want of evidence of British sovereigns having felt that the walls of a 
 palace can in no other way be so splendidly and appropriately orna- 
 mented as by the unfading works of genius and taste : for it is a very 
 interesting feature of the illustrations of this work, that copies ai-e 
 given of all the ancient pictures which enrich the walls of the ditler- 
 ent apartments — each appearing in the relative situation which it ac- 
 tually occupies. Some of these copies, though necessarily on a very 
 minute scale, aresoextremely well executed as immediatclvto recall to 
 the recollection of those who are acquainted with them, the admira>>le 
 originals. This is peculiarly the case with respect to the Cartoons, 
 wliicli occupy the walls of one of the apartments at Hampton Court. 
 Mr. Pyne's work consists of four quarto volumes, containing to- 
 gether one hundred plates, which are all fic-similes of colored draw- 
 ings made for the ]iiirpose by artists of the very first cclebritv ; each 
 drawing representing, in its present state, some one apartment in one 
 or other of the royal palaces. These drawings were executed hy the 
 express permission, and of many we may say, under the actual 
 inspection of the royal inhabitants themselves — who not only patron- 
 ized, but really took a personal interest in the progress of the work : 
 and it may be not uninteresting to know, thit the viarnette, repre- 
 VoL. I.— 8
 
 82 CnRISTOPIlER IN TITE TE>T. 
 
 seiiling tlic herniitni^o, in tlie ganlon at Frogniore, is copiod from a 
 plate ctclK-d by tlio IMiiaess EIi/.al)etli herself.* We have been 
 informed <»f these partieiilars by the gentleniati to whom wc are 
 indebted for a siiilit ^>f this work ; fur we eoufess its price has 
 rendered it quite inaeeessible to ourselves. If we were to notice any 
 of the plates in jKirtiewlar, we should point to the exijuisite and 
 elaborate workmanship of those representincj the splendiil arehitee- 
 tnral decorations of the lioyal Chapel and St. Georije's <."hapel in 
 Windsor Castle ; and the conservatory and gothic dining-room at 
 Carlton-house. For magnificence of modern embellishment, the 
 gokkii drawing-room and alcove, and the crimson drawing-room at 
 Carlton-huuse, are perhaps not surpassed in any palace in Europe.f 
 
 We shall not be expected to have nnich to say with respect to the 
 literary merits i)f a woik like this; and if we admit that the arrange- 
 ment of the materials appears to be perspicuous, and the style 
 tolerably clear and correct, it is, perhaps, all that the ambition of the 
 author would demand. We shall, however, fairly confess, thai we 
 are, for once, reviewing a book that we have not read through. But 
 though it will be easily admitted that this is a work in which pictorial 
 embellishment nuiy not imju-operly form the principal feature, yet on 
 turning over its pages, and stopping to read here and there, (and this 
 is all we have had time to do,) we iind it interspersed with a variety 
 of very amusing anecdotes and circumstances connected with the 
 successive occupiers t)f the palaces; and also with some interesting 
 historical and critittil notices of some of the principal works of art, 
 copies of which pass in review before us; together with biographical 
 sketches of the distinguished persons whose portraits are among the 
 number. 
 
 It must not be imagined, by our gentle readers, that during this 
 enunciation we good people in the Tent were under any very severe 
 discipline. We are no ^Martinet, and are of opinion that, even on 
 actual service, it is better to command by love than by fear. Ac- 
 cordingly, it was understood among the Contril)utors from the very 
 first, that while no man was to be allowed loud laujfhter except the 
 Shepherd, in respect to his genius and infirmity, an occasional titter 
 would be overlooked by the Editor; and that even a little whisper- 
 ing in a corner would not excite so nnich displeasure in his breast a.4 
 it has been observed to do in that of my Lady Pir.no F. duriig the 
 performance of a screeching solo at a musical party in her house. The 
 CV»ntributt)rs kept going out and comuig in like bees, so that a low, 
 
 • Tlie Princess Elizabeth, tliird daughter of G«orge HI , born 1770, and married to the 
 Langrnve of He.«se Uombi-rg, lilS. She was very accomplUhed, and drew and et.;hed, as w<iU 
 u if i-he liad been an arti.-l. — M. 
 
 t C irlUin-llousB, long the favorite residence of George IV., was ]>iilled dovrn in i'"2T. and 
 ihp pillar> which foriiied the entrance colonnade, now are to be lieen in the front facade of lh« 
 National Gallery, Trafalgar S'^uare, London. — M.
 
 THE ARTICLES. S3 
 
 pleasant, oontinuous murmur encircled the Tent. There was ik.i 
 even an ordinance against sleep — except with a snore ; and it is a 
 singular enough fact in natural history, that those Contributors who 
 pert'unned most powerfully during the night, when surh iiidul'-encc 
 was freely permitted to us all, took snatches of slumber during an 
 ,irtii-le as silently as so many dormice. This is oiu- of manv proofs 
 of the povver of the will over the functions of the bodily organs in 
 sleep. We must all remember how, during the course of our travels, 
 we used to awake, to a minute, at an hour fixed mentally with our- 
 selves before going to bed ; and, on the present occasion, we could 
 not help smiling, to see with what supernatural accuracy Tinuithy 
 Tickler would awake at the conclusion of any article at which he had 
 taken an alarm, and avoided by a skilful and well-timed nap. Was it 
 that he first conjectured its probable duration, and then, by an act of 
 the sleeping yet waking will, awoke just as it ceased? Or may the 
 phenomenon be accoiuited for on a simpler theory, namely, that 
 Tickler awoke as the Editor or Buller, for example, ceased to spoyk, 
 just as we have heard of naval officers starting up in their hammocks, 
 awakened by the unusual silence, when the morning-gun did y<o^ fire '? 
 Owing to the relief given to the mind by little interruptions and 
 incidents of this kind, we suspect that the articles of our Contributors 
 seemed much better ones when we read aloud in the tent, than they 
 may do when perused in a brown study, or the Glasgow con'ee-room; 
 l)ut this is a disadvantage to which all viva-voce harangues are liable 
 in tent, in church, and in state. Even one of Dr. Chalmers' astrono- 
 mical discourses, which we heard him preach before the Commis- 
 sioner, seemed to us more sublime when volleyed by his thunderous 
 voice through those Gothic arches, than when looked at silently in 
 our own little blue parlor, with out feet on the fender, and our 
 worthy housekeeper (but that way madness lies) knitting a worsted 
 stocking tor our rheumatic leg, sufficiently long to reach halfway up 
 the thigh. In like manner, we remember reading, with scarce any 
 emotion but a slight one of contempt, a speech of Mr. Ticrney* in a 
 newspaper, which we were told by Odoherty convulsed with hiuirhter 
 the whole House. In like manner, a joke of Mr. Cockbuni's will, in 
 the General Assembly of our Church, well nigh shake the wigs from 
 the heads of hundreds, which, when contidentially comnuuiicaled 
 afterwards by one of his admirers to some unfortunate gentlem;m 
 not present at its first delivery, would seem to have been still-burn. 
 
 • George Tierney entered Parliament in 1790, and becanne a stronij op])onent of Mr. P'lt, 
 with whom lie foiiglit a duel in l/'.IS. The AdJington Cabinet of l?()-J, made him TreaMirei 
 of the Navy, and in ItOi. he was President of the Board of Control, but went out the next 
 year, wlien the Grenville inini.-try resigned. He was one of tlie leadi-rs of tlie Ojijiosiuon 
 until l!'"J7, wlien he was made Master of the Mint, under Canning-, remained in olhci undpt 
 Lord Goderich, with wliom he retired in IhSJ,--, and died in IsilO. He was a very heavy debater. 
 and was ridiculed as such, in The New Wlug Guide, publishcu ISU), and wriUra hy 
 Paliaerston, Peel, and J. W Croker.— M.
 
 81: CnRISTOPIIEK IN TIIE TIuNT. 
 
 Tlie truth is, tliat as it was necessary to have been in the Ilijrh 
 Church, the House of Commons, or the General Assembly, fully to 
 feel ami admire the eloquence of Chalmers, the wit of Tierney, or the 
 humor of Cockburn — so was it necessary to have been in our IVnt, 
 ti> enjoy, with peillet enjoyment, tin; c'lu<jut'nee of a Kemj)f(.'rliausc'n, 
 the wit of a Tickler, or the hunu)r of a Pendragon. 
 
 Aftvr the !a>it gentleiiian's article, we were not witlu)ut hopes that 
 our dear tVieiid Dr. Morris would have favored us with sometiiing 
 good ; but Peter let us understand that we must not expect any 
 article from him for some months, as he was busy on his " Letters 
 from the Highlands of Scotland," which he hopecl to have out early 
 in s])ring.* isobody who has not seen the Doctor write, can have 
 the slightest idea of the rapidity of his intellectual and manual openv- 
 tions ; and he now lifted up and fluttered before our eves at least ft 
 hundred pages of closely-written MSS., exclaiming. — •' Nearly half 
 of the first volume, you dog. When Scotland is finished, then ' tor 
 England, ho !'" 
 
 it was now wearing pretty fiir into the afternoon, and the Editor's 
 traxelling diina puncli-ljowl, Hogg's jug, and the quechs of the other 
 Contributors, had, as our readers will readily suppose, been plenishcMl 
 and replenished oftener, perhaps, than it is ncedfid to avow. 'J'here 
 could have been no getting on without this; lt)r joy is every whit as 
 dry as sorrow, and the tongues of the Contributors would have-* 
 cloven to the roofs of their mouths without a judicious and well- 
 timed infusion of the true sj)irit. We were just in the act of propos- 
 ing a bumper to the health of that most entertaining of all human 
 beings, Mr. John Ballantyne, who had gone out to breathe the frag 
 ranee of the heather, and to hear John of Sky 
 
 " His Scottish tuues and wailike marches play," 
 
 when that gentleman himself put his facetious face in at the Tent 
 door; and with an ex[)ression of the most profixnid and solemn 
 respect strangely blended with its natural and invincible archness, he 
 exclaimed, in considerable agitation, " By the author of Waverley, ' 
 and every other great Known or Unknown, here is Dr. Mansel, the 
 l)isho|) of Bristol. I have been with liini for this half-hour — such 
 another famous bishop saw I never at home or abroad. Put in a 
 jaiip mair rum into the bit bowlie, lor by his talk I warrant him a 
 dreiiih sooker. That'll do — rise up, gentlemen, while I letch in the 
 bishop." 
 
 We were all thrown into some consternation by this unex[)ected 
 visit from so high a dignitary of the Episcopalian Church, and every 
 lidless eye was bent towards the Tent-door, when once more came 
 
 • Announceo, but never puldiaheJ, — probably never wriUcn. — M.
 
 SCOTT, THIC ODONTIST. 85 
 
 bowing in, hat in hand, (jur small incomparable Bibliopole, ushering 
 forward, in full sail, and gorgeous array, not l)v. Mansel, bishop of 
 Bristol — but hear it, O Dee, and give ear, thou Clyde — Du. Scott, 
 TUK CELEHRATED Odonpist OF Glasgow. One roar of iiiiextinguislicd 
 laughter shook the 'JVnt — while that Avittiest of doctors looki"! 
 towards that wittiest of bibliopoles with a eoiuitenanee of tlit^ most; 
 solemn assurance, and pompously asked, "What sort of treatment 
 Is this for a Bishop ?" 
 
 John Ballantyne had never before seen Dr. Scott, and he now 
 kept his small gray piercing eyes suspiciously ujion him, as the veil 
 of clerical mystery seemed to be falling off from the shoulders of the 
 self-appointed spiritual peer. " Me a Bisho|>," cried the exulting Doc- 
 tor, ''1 was only (f'i<j<jing you^ man! "i'e nae sooner tald me your 
 name, than 1 said into myselt" — hooly, hooly, we hae gotten here the 
 wtittiest and gleggest wee chield in a' Edinburgh, and gin I can but 
 gag(f Mr. John Ballantyne, what will Carnegie and Provan, and a' 
 the ither clever fallows in Glasgow, think o' me then V The 
 Doctor's classical and theological imagination had, it seems, sug- 
 gested to him the idea of personating the Bishop of Bristol ; and 
 during half an hour's conversation with Mi'. Ballantyne, he had more 
 than half concluded a bargain for the copyright of a volume of 
 Sermons, in which the Socinian controversy was for ever to be laid 
 at rest on both sides of the Tweed. 
 
 But how came Dr. Scott to be hereabouts at all 1 Had he not 
 departed in the morning for Glasgow, or, to call that thriving city 
 by the more rural appellation bestowed on it by its poetical inhabit- 
 ants, " The West-Country '?" No such thing. The Doctor had been the 
 gay deceiver of us all. At the very moment when his soul seenu'd to 
 be breathing out sighs of scared v articuliite <;rief at the Parting Hour, 
 and had responded so passionately to the L'Envoy of the inspired 
 Shepherd, even then, had he meditated no farther journey than down 
 to Mar-Lodge to give some medical advice to the Thane,* of whose 
 arrival there he had been confidentially informed by an express the 
 night before ; and it was on his return to the Tent that he had fallen 
 in with Mr. Ballantyne, whom curiosity had drawn towards a cottage 
 on the river's side, from the door of which the Doctor said a beautiful 
 Highland girl was " showering her delightful smiles." Such were 
 the ipsissima verba of the Odontist. " W hy, Doctor," said the 
 Shepherd, "you are as bad as my freen. Lord Byron, himsel, and it 
 seems ye were just lauching in your sleeve a' the time you were 
 sayin' gude day to me and the ither Contributors, just as he was 
 lauchiu' in his, when he said, 
 
 * The Earl of Fife claims to be a lineal descendant of the Thane of Fife mentioned in " Macbetli," 
 bill his pretciisl HIS have be^n chjllungcd by genealogists and anliiiuarians.— M.
 
 86 cnnisToriiER in tiik tknt. 
 
 Fare tliec woll, aud if fur ever, 
 Still for ever, fare tlxee welL' 
 
 Faitli, D<^tetor, vp great poets, the Scotts and the Byrons, and sic 
 like, are a' thegitlur past my euinprehension." Mr. Juhii Bailantyne 
 frankly confessed that he had, for the first time in his life, been Juirly 
 gafjijcd. ''But," said he, "I shall have my revenge. Henceforth, 
 gentlemen, let you and all the rest of the world conil)ine to call Dr. 
 S:<^itt TuK BisHoi" OK BuiSTOL." Tliis motiou was immediately 
 carried by acclamation, and the Bibliopi>le and the Bishop shtH>k 
 hands, and sat down on the whiskv cask, Buller having vacated his 
 scat by accepting the chirjier's hamper. 
 
 Order having been restored, and the Bishop having bestowed his 
 benediction on us, and a bumper on himself, we took the earliest 
 opportunity of recpiesting from him a small article; and as he had 
 nothing to oiler in opp<jsition to so eijuitaltle a request, he asked, 
 " Verse or prose ?"' " V'erse, to be sure." " Long or short metre." 
 " Oh ! long, certainly — one would never think of getting shoit measure 
 from a Bishop." The Peer accordingly cleared his pipes, and 
 chanted, with a tone and manner of gesticulation which at one time 
 strongly reminded us of Wordsworth, and at another of liowland 
 Hill,* the following verv beautiful Poem : 
 
 love's phantoms of woe. 
 1. 
 
 Day's gone down in the ■west; yet his last tinere of gold 
 Is nut :ill from the cliimueys of Anderstoun rolled — 
 And already, far eastward, the meek orb of Diaii 
 Willi a pale stnitrgling lustre the Calton is eyeing; 
 The Stockwell ami tlie (Jallowgate slumber between, 
 And the brown Moliudiuar is flowing unseen. 
 
 While the hour's holy stillness reigns sad in the soul, 
 Oh ! 'tis sweet with slow steps up the Trongate to stroll, 
 For the long sleeping sliadows of steeple and laud 
 Sink deep in the sj)ii'it with hariiioiiy bland ; 
 And Wfli (joes my seiirfilive heart synipatliize 
 WilL the hum of the air and the gloom of the skies. 
 
 3. 
 
 Mau may sigh when earth laughs in the rays of the sua 
 O'er the dieams of aiidiition wliose raee hath been nm ; 
 Mau may wei-j) when the morn in her glory comes forth 
 O'er the parted memorials of fiiendsliip and worth; 
 IJut he mine in the dimness of twiliglit to rove, 
 When I charm up the long-faded Phantoms of Love. 
 
 • The Rev. Ro-n-'and Hill, minister of Surrey Chapel, T.onJon, for half a. century, was in 
 hi^h featlier in I^l'J. He was noted for ecceniricitn-s. illusir.-ilin'j the inost foleinn irutlis by 
 ohfervatiunn which savored more of the ludicrous thf.n the paliKitic, — ;noie of the proteyquu 
 than the ferioon. He was uncle to Lord Hill, Commander-in-chief of the British army from 
 l«*) to ls4-2. The Kev. Itcvland Hill was eighiy-eight, at h.s death, in l>>3d.— M.
 
 "tiik phantoms of love." 87 
 
 4. 
 Oh I vainly and wildly the world's eye would seek, 
 When tilt; toielioad is smooth and a smile's on tiie cbe°k, 
 The wide wildeiing waves of relleetion to sound, 
 Where the soul sleeps beneath in her darkness profound — 
 Wheie sorrow, like truth, is eouteuted to dwell 
 Cold, elcar, and unseen, in the spirit's deep welL 
 
 Yet not false is the language that floats from my tongue, 
 When I joke with the joyous, and laugh with the youn. 
 There is naught of deeeit in this eye sparkling blight, 
 All cordial tlie ehorus of festive delight — 
 All sincere and substantial the raptures I show, 
 When Wit's rays bid the ether of meriiiuent glow. 
 
 6 > 
 
 Were it wise — were it Avell — to refuse to mankind 
 The light of the spirit — the sun of the mind ? 
 Were it wise, wrapt for ever in garments of woe, 
 Through the world's busy paths like a spectre to go? 
 Oh. no ! life has niomejits for more things than one, 
 Man's great soul can find room both for sorrow and funl 
 
 7. 
 I have left the dim Trongate, and climbed the high stair, 
 Where the Horns are hung out as the Sign of tlie Fair ; 
 I have entered the centre and shrine of delight, 
 Where around Peggy's bowl my friends' faces are bright 
 And shall I be in dumps, and a damper? oh, no ! 
 Drown, ye bumpers of friendship, Love's Pliantoms of Woe! 
 
 8. 
 
 Tliough the mystical musings that feed the lone mind, 
 
 Leave a gentle and mellowing softness behind ; 
 
 Though the eye that with joy should all radiant appear, 
 
 Still reveal thy faint trace — Sensibility's tear! 
 
 Oh, forget it, my friends, and reproach me not so, 
 
 For I'll drown in deep bumpers — Love's Phantoms of Woe I 
 
 Tlte lay of the first Bishop was received -with high applause, and 
 as the toils of the day were now near a close, the Editor with his 
 Cc>ntribntors were about to leave the Tent for an evening walk 
 along the Dee and its " bonny banks of blooming heather," to indulge 
 the most delightful of all feelings, such, namely, as arise from the 
 consciousness of having passed our time in a way not only agreeable 
 to ourselves, but useful to the whole of the wide-spread family of 
 n-'an, when John Mackay came houncing in upon us like a grasshop- 
 per, "Gots my life here are twa unco landloupers cumin dirdin 
 down the hill — the tane o' them a heech knock-kneed stravaiger 
 wi' the breeks on. and the tither aiie o' the women-folk, as
 
 SS CIIRIsTOriIEK IN TlIE TICNT. 
 
 roiin's she laiig, in a green Joseph, and a tappen o' feathers on her 
 pow." 
 
 At the word "women-folk," each Gimtributor 
 
 " S|)r:i!ig upwards like a pyramid of fire;" 
 
 and we had some diflleulty in prt'ventin<T a sally from the Tent. 
 "llememlK-r, gentlemen," ipioth wc, "that you are still under lite- 
 rary law — be seated." We ourselves, as master of the ceremonies, 
 went out, and lo ! we beheld two most extraordinary Itinerants. 
 
 The gfntK-man who was dressed in brown-oiu-e-black, had a sort of 
 medieo-theologiral exterior — whieh we afterwards found to be repre 
 scntative of the inwanl man. He was very tall, and in-kneed* — in- 
 deed, somewhat like liichmond the blaekf about the logs — tlu' squint 
 of his all)ino eyes was far from prepossessing — and stray tufts of liis 
 own white hair, here and there stole lankly down from beneath the 
 up-curled edge of a brown eaxon that crowned the apex of his organi- 
 zation, lie seemed to have lost the roof of his mouth, and when he 
 said to us, " You see before you Dr. Magnus Oglethorpe, itinerant 
 lecturer on poetry, politics, oratory, and the belles lettrcs," at each 
 word, his tongue came away from the locum-tenens of his palate, 
 with a bang, like a piece of wet leather from a stone (called, by our 
 Scottish children, "sookers," we forget the English name), each syl- 
 lable, indeed, standing quite per se, and not without diHiculty to be 
 drilled into companies or sentences. But we are forgetting the lady. 
 She was a short, fat, "dumpy woman" — quite a bundle of a body, as 
 one may say — with smooth red cheeks, and little twinkliig roguish 
 eyes; — and when she returned our greeting, we were sensible of a 
 slight accent of Erin, which, we confess, up in life as we are, falls oa 
 the drum of our ear 
 
 " That's like a melody sweetly played in tune." 
 
 She was, as John ^Nfackay had at some distance discovered, in a 
 green riding-habit, not, perhaps, much the worse, but certainly much 
 the smoother for wear, — and while her neat-turned ankles exhibited a 
 pair of yellow laced boots which nearly reached the calf of her leg, 
 on her head waved elegantly a plume of light-blue ostrich feathers. 
 The colors altogether, both those of nature and of art, were splendid 
 and harmonious, and the Shepherd, whose honest face we by chance 
 saw (contrary t<.) orders) peeping through a little chink of the Tent, 
 whispered, "J^osh a day, gin there binna the queen o' the Fairies !''t 
 We requested the matchless pair to walk in — but Dr. Magnus, who 
 
 • II wim upon iliis pentleman that the celebrated punster ot tlie West made thai famous 
 pun. •■ lUe liatile of the Pyrenees — (the pair o' knees. I" — C. N. 
 
 t HichmonJ, the black, was a pu);ilist in tliose days. — M. 
 
 i Wherever the belief in fairies exists, there aUo is the belief, tliat green is their faTorit* 
 color. In Fome of the country districts of Scotland and Ireland, it in coatiiilered unlucky (of 
 UHC<iiui\e) to have even a green la&h lo vour riding-whip. — M.
 
 ODOIIKIiTY AND THE WIDOW. 81) 
 
 was ratlior dusty, first got John Mackay to switch him, Lchind and 
 before, with a b\ni(h of long lieathiT, and we onrselvcs portonnod tlio 
 same oflice, with the grratest delicacy to the lady. The imiiiovcMK nt 
 on both was most striking and instantaneous. The Doctor looked 
 quite fresh an<l ready for a lecture, — while (he lady reniindi'd ns, so 
 sleek, smooth, and beautiful did she appear, of a hen after any little 
 ruiriinsr incident in a barn-yard. Wc three entered the tent — "Cun- 
 tributors ! Dr. Afagnus Oglethorpe and Lady on a lecturing toni 
 through the IJighlunds." In a moment twenty voices entreated tlu; 
 hidy to be seated — Dr. Morris offered her a seat on his bed, which, 
 being folded uj), he now used as a chair or sofa — W astle bowed to 
 the antique carved f)ak arm-chair that had been sent from Alar-Lodge 
 by the Thane — Tickler was lifting up from the ground an empty 
 hamper to reach it across the table for her aecoinmodation — Buller 
 was ready with the top or bottom of the whisky cask, and we our- 
 selves insisted upon getting the honor of the fair burden to the Con- 
 tributor's box. Seward kept looking at her thi'ough his quizzing 
 glass — " Deuced fine wumman, by St. Jericho ! demme if she b'nt a 
 fac-simile of Mary Ann Clarke,* only summat deeper in the fore-end 
 — one of old Anacreon's /5a^uxoXiroi." Her curtsey was exceedingly- 
 graceful — when, all of a sudden, casting her eyes on the Standard- 
 bearer, who, contrary to his usual amenity towards the sex, stood 
 sour and silent in a corner, she exclaimed, " By the powers, my own 
 swate Morgan Odoherty," and jumping up upon the table, she nimbly 
 picked her steps among jugs, glasses, and quechs (upsetting alone 
 Kempferhausen's ink-horn over an ode to the inoon), and in a mo- 
 ment was in the Adjutant's arms.f Mrs. M'Whirter, the fair Irish 
 ■widow whom the Ensign had loved in Philadelphia, stood confessed. 
 There clung she, like a mole, with her little paws to the Standard- 
 bearer's sides — striving in vain to reach those beguiling lips, which 
 he kept somewhat haughtily elevated about six feet three inches from 
 the ground, leaving an unscalable height of at least a yard between 
 them and the mouth of the much flustered, deeply injured Mrs. 
 JM'Whirter. The widow, whose elegant taste is well known to the 
 readers of this Magazine, exclaimed, in the words of Betty $ (so she 
 called him), 
 
 " Ah ! who can tell how L;ird it is to climb 
 The steep where love's proud temple shines afar!" 
 
 * Mrs. Mary Ann Clarke, once the rr.'stiess of the Duke of York. From this connexion 
 arose a parliamentary investigation, in ls09, on a charge that he alioweJ her to disposf- of hi.« 
 patronage for money, which showed him guilty of great carelessness, at least. On this ha 
 resigned the command of the army, which he subsequently resumed. — .VI. 
 
 t To understand this it must be explained, that a former Blackieood, giving a memoir of 
 Odoherty, stated, that when aprisonerof war in I'hila.Jelphia, in 1>-15, he there had married, and 
 soon after deserted, an Irish widow named M'Whirier, who kept the "Goat in Armor" tavern, 
 in that city of brotherly-love. — M. 
 
 % I)r. .lames Beattie, author of several philosophical works, and the poem ca'lcd The- Min- 
 strol. He died in ISO:}.— Ni.
 
 90 cmasTOPiiKR in tiu: tkxt, 
 
 *' Never mind the money — my flcarost Morp-^n — Oeh ! I have novor 
 known such another man as your sweet self since we parted at Phil- 
 adcljihia." The Adjutant hx^ked as if he had neither lost nc^r won — 
 still giMitly liut di-tcrniinedly ropi-Iliiig the atlvances of the warm, 
 hearted widow, whose face he thus kept, as it were, at arm's lenpth. 
 At last, with a countcnanco of impcrturliable solcnmity, worthy of a 
 native of Ireland and a Contributor to this Majra/.ine, he coolly said, 
 '•Why, !Mr. Editor, the trick is a devilish pood one, very well played, 
 and knowintrly ke[>t up — liut now that you, uentlomi-n, have all had 
 your lauirh a<rainst Udohcrty, {'ray, Mrs. lloundahout Fat-ribs, may 
 1 Jisk when ytni were last Inttciufi /lemp, and in what house of correc- 
 tion !" "Och — you vile sadducce." — "I suspect," sa'd Tickler, 
 "that you yourself, my fair Mrs. ^rWhirtcr, were the seducee, and 
 the ensign the seducer." " Why look ye," continued Odoherty, "if 
 you are Molly M'Whirter, ft)rmerly of Philadelphia, you have the 
 mark of a miirjihy (llil)ernice potato) on your right side, just below 
 the fit'th rib — and of a shamrock, or, as those English gentlemen 
 •would call it, a trefoil, between your shoulders behind, about half 
 way down." Here Mrs. M'Whirter lost all temper — and ap- 
 pended to Dr. Magnus Oglethorpe, if Odoherty was not casting foul 
 aspersions on her character. The doctor commenced an oration, with 
 that extraordinary sort of utterance already hinted at, which quite 
 upset the Adjutant's gravity — and the lady now seizing the "tempora 
 mollia fandi," said, with a bewitching smile, "Come ni>w, my dearest 
 Morgan, confess, confess !" The Standard-bearer was overcome — 
 and, kissing his old friend's cheek in the most respectful manner, he 
 said, "I presume Mrs. M'Whirter is no more, and that I see before 
 me the lady of Dr. Magnus Oglethorpe — in other words, Mrs. Dr. 
 Oglethorpe." "Yes, Morgan, he is indeed my husband — come 
 hither, ^lagnus, and shake hands with the Adjut;int — this is the Mr. 
 Odoherty, of whom you have heard me so often spake." Nothing 
 could be more delightful than this reconciliation. We again all took 
 our seats — Dr. Magnus f)n our own left hand, and Mrs. Dr. Magnus 
 on our right, close to whotn sat and smiled, like another Mars, the 
 invincible Standard-bearer. It was a high gratification to us now to 
 fnid that Odoherty and Mrs. MWhirter had never been united in 
 matrimony. It was true that in America they had been tenderly at- 
 tached to each other, but peculiar circumstances, some of which are 
 alluded to in a memoir of the Adjutants lite in a former number of 
 this Magazine,* had prevented their union, and s(»on atler his retuim 
 
 • The article in qiipstion sonifwhat libelled the Hibernian widuw, for it di^tinctW averred 
 thai OJolierly had iiiarri*-d ti>^r, und made tier, iu her auger al h\* desertion, perpetrate nundr) 
 wralKlul viTses to h;m, winch niid thus : — 
 
 " When you've druuk luy j;in, nnd robhcd tiiy till, and stolen all my pelf, ye 
 Sail away, and think nu more on yoiir wile at I'hiladelphy." 
 But this belongs rather to the Lite of O.li'herty, iu Dr. Maginn's Works, than to THE Tknt. 
 »nd the -layinjjs and doing* therein. — M.
 
 DR. MAGNUS OGLITTIIOKrE. 91 
 
 to Europe, the M'Whirtcr had bestowed her hand on a faithful s.iitor, 
 whuni she had formerly rejected, Dr. Magnus Oglethorjic, hituit-r 
 on poetry, politics, oratory, &e., a gentleman famous i\>r removing im- 
 pediments in the organs of speech, and who, after having instructed 
 in public speaking some of the most distinguished orators in the 
 House of Kepresentatives, United States, had lately come over to 
 Britain, to retard, by his precepts and his practice, the decline and 
 fall of eloquence in our Island. As we complimented the doctor on 
 the magnificent object of his pedestrian tour, he volunteered a lecture 
 on the spot, and in an instant — and springing up as nimbly upon th' 
 table as Sir Francis IJurdett or Mr. John Ilobhouse* could have 
 done, the American Demosthenes (who seemed still to have pebbles 
 in his mouth, though far inland), thus opened it,| and spake a 
 
 LECTURE ON WHIGGISM, 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen — Fear is " Wliiggisni " — hatred is " W)iigc;iam " — con- 
 tempt, jealousy, remorse, womler. despair, or madness, are all " WLij;t;ism." 
 
 The miser when he hugs his gold— the savage who paints his idol with blood — 
 tlie slave who worships a tyrant, or the tyrant who laiieies himself a god — the 
 vain, the ambitious, the proud, the choleric niau — the coward, the beggar, all ar« 
 
 " Whigs." 
 
 " The 'Whig,' the lover, and the poet, 
 Are of imagination all compact. 
 One sees more devils than va^t hell can hold — 
 The madman." 
 
 " Whiggism " is strictly the language of imagination ; and the imagination it 
 that faculty which represents objects, not as they are in themselves, but as they 
 are moulded, by olUrr thoughts and feelings, into an infinite variety of shapes and 
 combinations of power. This language is not the less true to nature, because it is 
 false in point of fact ; but so much the more true and nalural, if it conveys the 
 impression which the object uuder the influence of paxxiov. makes on the mind. 
 Let an object, for instance, be presented in a state of agitation or fear, and the 
 imagination will distort or magnify the object, and convert it into the likeness 
 of whatever is most proper to encourage the fear. 
 
 Tragic " Whiggism," which is the most empassioned species of it, strives to 
 carry on the feeling to the utmost point, by all the foice of comparison or contrast 
 — loses the sense of present suffering in the imaginary exaggerations of it — ex- 
 hausts the terror of an unlimited indulgence of it — grapplea luilh iinpoxsibilities 
 ill ill dexperale iuipatidice of rextraint. 
 
 When Lear says of Edgar, nothing but the unkind " ministry " could have 
 brought him to this — what a beiviUlered amazemcTit, what a wretuh of the imagi- 
 nation, that caiuiot be brought to conceive of any other cause of misery than that 
 which has bowed it down, and absorbs all other sorrow in its owu ! His sorrow, 
 like a flood, supplies the sources of all other sorrow. 
 
 lu regard to a certain Whig, of the unicorn species, we may say — How Lis 
 
 • Sir Francis Burdett and Mr. Ilobhou.se virere ultra-liberals in 1819. Burdett lapsed into 
 nltra-toryism in lH:t(), in which he remained until his death, in lS-44. Hobhouse succeeded 
 to a baronetcy on his father's death, successively took otHce under Grey, Melbourne, and Kus- 
 sell, and was made a IVer in I.S5I, by the title of I^ord llroughlon. — .M. 
 
 t The expression, ^^ Thus opened his mouth," is incorrect, for without a plate it would t>e 
 impossible to show the manner in which Dr. M.agn>i.<! opened his mouth. — C. N
 
 1)2 CIIUISTOniEE IN' THE TENT. 
 
 passii'ii lashos itself up, and swells aiul ra-^os like a tide in its souiuling course, 
 wbcu, iu answer to the doubts ex))ressed of liis returning " temper," be saya — 
 
 " Never Ingo. Like to tlie Pontic Sea, 
 Who>e icy current and compulsive course 
 Ne'er feels retiring ebli, but keeps due on 
 To the I'ropontic and the Hellespont ; 
 Kven so my 'frantic' thoughts, with violent pace. 
 Shall ne'er look back, ne'er ebb to liuiuble ' Eense,' 
 Till that a capable and wide revenge 
 Swallow theiu up." 
 
 Tlie pleasure. Imwever, derived from tragic " Wliifjgism," is not any tiling 
 peculiar t" it as Wliiggism, as a tietitioiis and fanciful tiling. It is nut an aiKHP.a!;. 
 of tile iiiiagiiiatii'ii. It lias its soincc and gioundwurk in the ccitunion luve of 
 "power" and strong excitcnieiit. As Mr. Burke oliscrve.'*, people tlo<'k to " Whig 
 ineetinixs;" but if there were a public execution in the next stieet, the "house" 
 •would verv soon be empty. It is not the dilfei'i-nce between fiction and reality 
 that solves the dilhctill y. Children are satistied with stories of ghosts unil witches, 
 Tiic grave j)oliticiau drives a thriving traile of abuse and caluinnies, poured out 
 against IIksc ■whom he makes his enemies for no other end ihan that he may live 
 bv them. The pojuilar preacher makes less frequent mention of heaven llian of 
 bell. Oaths and nicknames are only a more vulgar si>it of "Whiggism." We 
 are as fouii of indidging our violent passions as of reading a descri])tion of those 
 of others. We are as prone to make a torment of our fears as to luxuriate in our 
 liopes of " niisehief.' The love of power is as strong a principle in the mind a-j 
 the love of pleasure. It is as natm-al to hate as to love, to despise as to atlmire, 
 to express our halreil or contempt as our love of admii'ali<.>n. 
 
 " Ma^terless pas.sion sways us to the mood 
 Oi' what it likes or loathes." 
 
 Not that we like what we loathe, but we like to indtdge our hatred and scorn 
 of it (viz. Toiyism) — to dwell upon it — to exasperate our idea of it by every 
 refinetnent of ingenuity and exti'avagance of illustration — to make it a bugbear 
 to ourselves — to point it out to others in all the splendor of deformity — to em- 
 \xH\y it to the senses — to stigmatize it in words — to grap|)le with it iu tliought, 
 iu action — to sharpen our iiitellett — to arm our will against it — to know the 
 ■worst we have t<> contend Avitli. ani to conteiul with it to the utmost 
 
 Let ■who will strip nature of the colors and llie shajies of " Wliiggism," the 
 " Wiiig' is not bound to do so; the impressions of common sense antl strong ima- 
 gination, that is, of passion and " temjH-ranee,*' cannot be the same, and they must 
 have a separate langtiage to do justiee to either. Objects must strike ditfereutly 
 upon the mind, independently of what they are in themselves, so long ai we have 
 n ddfereiit infovs/ in them — as we see them iu a dirtVrent jioint of view, neaier 
 or at a gre;«tcr distimce (moniUy or pliysically speaking), from novelty — from old 
 nequaintance — fi-om our iyiiorauvf of them — from our fear of their consctjuciices 
 — from contrast — from unexpected likeness; hence nothing but Whiggism lan be 
 agreeable to nature and truth. 
 
 This lecture gave universal satisfiiction — hut Dr. Maoniis is a man 
 of too iinich o^.llills not to acknowiedoe unreserved! v his obliijations 
 to other great men — and after our plaudits had e.xpircd, he informed 
 us, thai he elaimi'd little other merit than that of having delivered 
 the lecture aceoruing to the best rules and principles of oratory, for 
 that the words were by his friend Mr. Ilazlitt. "In the original," 
 said he, " Mr. Ilazlitt employs the word ' Poetry,' -which I have 
 slightly changed into the word ' Whiggism,' and thus an excellent
 
 THE TEA-PARTV. 93 
 
 lecture on politics is procured, without tlic iuifcuioiis essayist having 
 iK'on at all aware ot' tli(3 ultimate meaning of his production.* "As 
 the lecture was but short, will you have another ?" 
 
 " No — no — enough is as good as a feast," (juoth Odoherly — " per- 
 haps, Mr. Editor, if you retj^uest it, Mrs. Magiuis will liavc the 
 goodness to make tea.'' 
 
 I'liere was not only much true politeness in this sugg<'stion of the 
 Adjutant, but a profound knowledge of the female character — and, 
 accordingly, the tea things were not long of making their appearance, 
 for in our Tent it was just sufficient to hint a wish, and that wish, 
 whatever it might be, that moment was gratified. Mr. Magnus, we 
 observed, put in upwards of thirty spoonfuls — being at the rate of 
 two and a half for each Contributor — and the lymph came out of the 
 large silver tea-pot "a perfect tincture;" into his third and last cup 
 of which each Contributor emptied a decent glass of whisky; nor did 
 the Lady of the Tent, any more than the Lady of the Lake, show any 
 symptoms of distaste to the mountain dew. The conversation was 
 indeed divine — <ind it was wonderful with what ease Mrs. Magnus 
 conducted herself in so difficult a situation. She had a word or a 
 smile for every one, and the Shepherd whispered to Tickler, just loud 
 enough to be heard by those near the Contributf»rs' liox, " Sic a nice 
 leddy wad just sute you or me to a hair, Mr. Tickler. Faith, thae 
 blue ostrich plumbs wad astonish Davy Bryden, were he to see them 
 hanging o'er the tea-pat at Eltrive-Lake, wi' a swurl." 
 
 Alas ! there is always something imperfect in sublunary happiness. 
 Baillie Jarvie seemed very unwell and out of spirits. "What ails 
 you, my dear Baillie," said we, in the most affectionate tone, but still 
 Jarvie sat with a long, dull, dissatisfied aspect, which lo«jked most 
 excessively absurd, close to the small insignificant happy face t>f Tims, 
 who had some how or other got into an extraordinary high flow of 
 spirits (we suspect he had sipped too much of that stout tea) and was 
 coaxing and cockering up the Baillie with " how now, Mr. Jarvie, I 
 'ope you are more better now; will you try one of my pills, my 
 good sir, Mamar 'as given me the box ; see, it has a picture of Ilescu- 
 lapius on the top. Hopen it, Mr. Bailiff, and take out as many as 
 you choose; but three is a doze." 
 
 " I am ft)r none o' your nasty pills, Mr. Tims, swallow them all 
 yourself before you lie down." 
 
 "Mr. Bailitf, Mr. Bailiff, three is a doze; was I to do that, Tommy 
 Tims might lie down, but Tommy Tims would never rise hup no 
 more;" and as he ceased speaking, we could not help thinking of that 
 passage in Milton, where it is said of Raphael, that when he came to 
 a house, Adam could not help thinking that the angel had not finished 
 his speech. 
 
 * On examinatitm of the coininencement of one of Hazlitl's lectures on PcetTy, the inge- 
 nuity of the alteration will be seen.
 
 04 CHRisToriiEE m the tent. 
 
 *' Come, come," said we, " give us a sonfj, Baillie." 
 " 1 don't believe you wish iiie to sing or to do any thing else," was 
 the reply; and in an instant we saw into the very seat of the Baillie's 
 disti'niper. lie niaiiif'ostly had been ofil-nded because we had not. 
 asked him for an Article, which, Heaven knows, proceeded from no 
 distrust in his literary talents, but from a notion that he would |)refcr 
 making his sagacious remarks on the articles of other men, to any 
 exhibition of his own. We were now undeceived, and on reiterating 
 our request, honest Jarvie said, that he would recite a song, not sing 
 it, — but that first of all, he must say a word or two by way of prii- 
 face : 
 
 " Though I was," said he, " in my youth, a little addicted to poeti 
 cal phantasies, yet have 1, for a long while, been justly considered, in 
 the Salt-market, as a mere proser. Some years ago, in my first 
 wife's time, when that good woman was sorely afilicted with an ' iti- 
 coine^* I was advised by Dr. Ninian Hill of Glasgow, to carry her 
 to the country for a change of air, as he called it, or as I have been 
 informed, it is termed by Dr. Gregory, mutatio nvli. With this 
 view, I took a lease for a summer, at £27 of rent, from the late Mr, 
 Robert Ivobison, of the villa and garden of Leddrie Green, in the 
 parish of Strahhme^ a sweet spot, and of which parish the present 
 learned and worthy minister of St. Andrew's cluirch in Glasgow, 
 also now professor of Hebrew in our university, was then pastor. I 
 accordingly went thither with my spouse for the time being, and my 
 little niece Nicky, that is to say, NicoUua Jarvie, at that time a little 
 skvlpy, but now Mrs. Mecklehose, and who paid the most assiduous 
 attention to her aunt in her last illness, reading to her at night Mrs. 
 Mdver's Cookery, and the Rev. Ralph Erskine's Sermons. It was 
 on a Saturday evening after tea, as I recollect, and when a little 
 fatigued by rpy ride fn^m Glasgow in a very warm day, and my wife 
 rather worse, that, in order to recreate myself, I sat down in a little 
 arbor in the garden — the church and manse, and a jug of whisky 
 toddy, full in my view — and composed a trifling ballad, which, with 
 the permission of this company (and if Captain Udoherty would be 
 pleased to give over swearing), I shall now read (though, as I find I 
 have lost my spectacles this morning in the hill in chasing Mr. Cf^n- 
 Ktable's bitch, who was worrying a lamb, I wish 1 may be able), 
 but—" 
 
 Here the Baillie was interrupted rather improperly by Mr. Tick- 
 ler, who briskly offered to read the ballad irithoul Spectacles. 
 "Deil tak me," quf)th Mr. Hogg, " if I think you're able." 
 Instantly Afr. Wastle, to put an end to all contention, proprsed to 
 read it himself, and this being agreed to by acclaniatiun^ Buller of 
 
 • Incomt — Issue.
 
 I.EDDRIE GUKEN. 95 
 
 Brazennose insisted, with rather an undue vehemence, on a liminary 
 bumper; and this also being instantly agreed to, and instantly swal- 
 lowed, Mr. Wastle rose, and in his usual graceful and impressive 
 manner, read with much pathos, 
 
 LKDDRIE GREEN, 
 
 An excellent new Song, 
 
 Writte7ib 1/Baili.ik Jarvie, a good many Ytatt ago. 
 
 "If that be not a bull," cried Odoherty. — "Silence, Mr. Odoherty," 
 and Mr. Wastle proceeded, 
 
 1. 
 
 Ye who, on rural pleasures bent, 
 
 lloani idly round in summer slieen, 
 From Joliu o'Gi'ont's to southern Kent, 
 
 No spot you'll fiud like Leddrie Green, 
 
 2. 
 
 Talk not to me of Briglitt)n'8 Joya, 
 
 Its gay parade nud glitlei-iug steyne; 
 rd leave its crowds and eudless uoise, 
 
 For the sweet woods of Leddrie Green. 
 
 3. 
 
 At Tunbridge ye who sip the spriugs, 
 
 Or at the Sussex Pad' are seeo ; 
 Ah ! if you heard the rill that rings, 
 
 Peieiiuial close to Leddrie Gieeu, 
 
 4. 
 
 And ye at Harrowgate impure, 
 
 Who shudder o'er your drafts unclean, 
 Twould be a shorter ride, I'm sure, 
 
 And sweeter far, to Leddrie Gieeti. 
 
 5. 
 
 Saltmarket Muse ! now deftly tell 
 
 How rocks basaltic rise and screen 
 The windings of the upland fell. 
 
 That skirts the strath at Leddrie Green. 
 
 6. 
 
 Bold crags romnutic thence ye view, 
 
 Loch Lonuind and its woods I Aveen ; 
 And Morven's summits tinged with blue. 
 
 Break the far sky at Leddrie Green. 
 
 7. 
 Thy spout, Ballagan, tlumdering down 
 
 Like Niagara foams bctweeu 
 The darksome pines and shrubs, that own 
 
 The neighboihood of Leddrie Green,
 
 (J|> CniilSTOrilEK IN THE TENT. 
 
 8. 
 
 Ari'l ve wlio, vexM with city noise, 
 
 Retiie t<> breathe the all- so keen ; 
 All I tliiiik <'f e:itiii>^ Nitky's pies, 
 
 And turkey pouts at Leililiie Green. 
 
 9. 
 Or yi'U wlio lonely wisli to sijs^h, 
 
 d'er life's short course auil wiuter's e'en, 
 Gi) view the mausoleum ui^fh, 
 
 The parish-kii k at Leddiie Greeo. 
 
 10. 
 A gentle swain here rests inurn'd, 
 
 The only spot where rest is given ; 
 Between two wivos. each duly niourn'd. 
 
 Aud married still 'tis hoped iu heuven. 
 
 This poem was applauded to " the very echo" bj all but Mrs. 
 Magnus, who was too polite to say anything derogatory to Bailie 
 Jarvie's genius. Indeed, she no doubt adiiiirod that genius, but the 
 subject did not seem to inti-rest her. " ^ly dear Mr. Odoherty (for 
 they treated each other with infinite respect), will you give us some- 
 thing amator}' ?" — " 1 gives my vice, too, f<)r something harnatory," 
 pertly enough whitlled ^Ir. Tims; — when the Standard-bearer, after 
 humming a few notes, and taking the altitude from the piteli-key of 
 Tickler (which he carries about with him as certainly as a j>arson 
 carries a corkscrew), went off in noble style with the iullowiug song, 
 his eyes all the while turned towards Mrs. Magnus Oglethorpe, 
 whose tvvinklers emanated still but eloquent responses not to bo 
 misunderstood. 
 
 inconstancy; a song to mrs. mViiirtkr. t 
 
 By Mr. Odoherty. 
 1. 
 
 " Te fleeces of gold amidst crimson enroll'd 
 
 That sleep iu tlie calm western sky, 
 Lovely relies of day float — ah ! float not away ! 
 Are ye gone ( then, ye beauties, good bye !" 
 It was thus the fair tnaid I had loved would have staid 
 
 The last gleamings of passion in me ; 
 But the orb's fiery glow m the soft wave below 
 Had been cooled — aud the thing could uot be. 
 
 2. 
 
 'VNHiile thro' deserts you rove, if you find a green grove 
 Where the <hirk l)ranehes overheaii meet, 
 
 lliere re|K>sc yon a while fiom the heat aud the toil. 
 And bt.- thankful the shade is so sweet; 
 
 But if long you remain, it is odds but the rain 
 Or the wind 'n<"'jg the leaves may be stirring; 
 
 They will stiip the bon},dis bare — you're a fool to stay there- 
 Change the scene without fui'ther demurring.
 
 MKS. OOLKTHORPE. 07 
 
 3. 
 
 Jf a iioli-l:i«lon tree in yotir watuleriiit^P you see, 
 
 With the ripp fruit all glowiiijLj iiiul swelling, 
 Take yoiii- lill as y<>ii pass — if you iloii't you're an ass, 
 
 J5ut I daresay you dou't need my telluij^. 
 'Twould be just as great fooling to come back for more pulling, 
 
 When a week or two moi-e shall have gone, 
 These fifin plums very rapidly, they will taste very vapidly, 
 
 — By good luek we'll have pears coming ou ! 
 
 4. 
 All around Nature's range is from changes to changes. 
 
 And in change all ])er ehaiining is eentei-ed — 
 When you step from the stream whei-e you've bathed, 'twere a dream 
 
 To suppose 't the same stream that you entered ; 
 Each clear crystal wave just a passing kiss gave, 
 
 And kept rolling away to the sea — 
 So the love-stricken slave foi- a moment may rave, 
 
 But ere long, oh 1 Low disttint he'll be ? 
 
 6. 
 
 "Wliy — 'tis only in name, you, e'en you, are the same 
 
 With the SHE that inspired my devotion, 
 Evei-y bit of the lip that I lov'd so to sip 
 
 Has been changed in the general conmiotion — 
 Even these soft gleaming eyes, that awaked my young sighs. 
 
 Have been altei-ed a thousand times over ; 
 Why? Oh ! why then complain that so short was your reign? 
 
 Must all Nature go round but your lover? 
 
 The tears flowed in torrents, from the blue eyes of Mrs, Magnus, 
 during the whole of this song; and when Mr. Tims, who was now ex- 
 tremely inebriated (he has since apologized to us for his behavior, 
 and assured us, that when tipsy on tea he is always quite beyond 
 himself), vehemently cried, " Hangcore! hangcore!" the gross impro- 
 priety of such unfeeling conduct was felt by Mr. Seward, who offered, 
 if agreeable to us, to turn him out of the Tent ; but Tims became 
 more reasonable upon this, and asked permission to go to bed ; which 
 being granted, his friend Price assisted the small cit'to lay down, and 
 in a few minutes, we think, unless we were deceived, that we faintly 
 heard something like his own thin tiny little snore. 
 
 Mrs. Magnus soon recovered her cheerfulness; for being, with all her 
 vivacity, subject to frequent but short fits of absence, she every now 
 and then, no doubt without knowing what she was about, filled up her 
 tea-cup, not from the silver tea-pot, but from a magisterial-looking 
 bottle of whisky, which then, and indeed at all times, stood on our table. 
 She now volunteered a song of her own composition ; and after finger 
 ing away in the most rapid style of manipulation on the edge of "the 
 table, as if upon her own spinnet in Philadelphia, she too took the 
 key from Tickler's ready instrument, and chanted in recitativo what 
 follows — an anomalous kind of poetry. 
 Vol. I.— 9 
 
 o 
 e.
 
 OS CURISTOPHER IN THE TKNT. 
 
 CHAUNT. BY MRS. m'wHIRTER. 
 
 Tune. — The Powldoodiet of Burrau," 
 
 1. 
 ( woNDEB what the niiecliief was in me when a bit of my music I proffered ye ! 
 How ciiiilJ aiiv wutnuu sing a good B<^>ug wbeu she's just pui ting with Morgan 
 
 Odolierty ? 
 A poor U'dy, 1 think, w<>uld have more oecasion for a comfortable quiet can, 
 To keep up iier spiiits in Uiking hive of so uate a young man — 
 Besides, as for me, I'm not an orator like Bushe, Plunket, Gratt^m, or Currau,f 
 So I can only hum a few woids to the old ehaunt of the Powldoodies of liuirau.^ 
 
 Chorus. — Oil! the Powldoodies of Burran, 
 
 The green, green Powldoodies of Burran, 
 
 The gret-n I'owldoodies, the elean Powldoodies, 
 
 The gaping Powldoodies of Burran 1 
 
 2. 
 
 I remember a saving of my Lora Norbury, that excellent Judge, J 
 
 Says he, never believe what a man says to ye, Molly, for believe me 'tis all fudge 
 
 He said it sitting on the Beuclj before the whole Grand Jury of Tipperary, 
 
 If I had minded it, I liaci t>een the better on't, as sure as my name's ilary ; 
 
 I Would have paid not the sutallest attention, ye good-for-nothing elf ye. 
 
 To the fine speeches that took me olf my feet in the swate city of Pliiladelphy. 
 
 Oh ! the Powldoodies of Burran, ic. «tc. 
 
 By the same rule, says my dear Mr. Bushe, one night when I was sitting beside 
 
 Mausey, 
 *' Molly, love," says he, " if you go on at this rate, you've no idea what bad luck it 
 
 will cause ye ; 
 You may go on very merrily for a while, but j'ou'll see what will come on't. 
 When to answer for all your misdeeds, at the last you are i^utnmoned ; 
 Do you fancy a young woman can proceed in this sad lightheaded way, 
 And not suffer in the long run, tho' mauelime she may meri'iiy say, 
 
 Oh ! the Powldoodies of Burran, «tc. vtc 
 
 4. 
 
 But I'm sure there's plenty of other people that's very near as bad's me. 
 Yes, and I will make bould to afT.rm it in the very tiptopsomcl degree; 
 Only they're rather more cunning concealing on't, tho' tiiey meet with their fopa 
 Every now and then by the nia^s, about four o'clock in theii- Millini-rs" shops ; 
 lu our owu pretty Dame-tftreet§ I've seen it — the tine Lady comes oommooly 
 
 fiist, 
 And then coupes her beau ou pretence of a wateh-riblx)n, or the like I purtesL 
 
 Oh 1 the Powldoodies of Burran, »to. tiiC. 
 
 * Th« PowLDooDiRS of Burran are oysiers, of which more vrill be said and sung in futur* 
 Numbers of this Work.— C. N. 
 
 t Uusbe, afterwards Chief Justice of Ireland; Plunket, Lord Chancellor; Grattan, who 
 truly said of Iri.-^h independence, " I sat by its cradle. I followed its hearse ;" Curran, the orator 
 and patrjot, honest in the worst of times, " over whose ashes," to use his own words, " the mcit 
 precious tears of Ireland have been shed " — M. 
 
 I .Malahide, near Dublin, supplies the oysters, called the Powldoodies of Burran — M. 
 
 li Of" Lord Norbury, that excellent Judge," there is a very particular, though not flatterinf, 
 account, in Sheil's Sketches of the Irish Bar. It could not be said of him that he teiuferw! 
 justice with mercy, la his vocabulary neither word could be found. — M. 
 
 ^ Dublin.— .M.
 
 " TlIK POWLDOODIES OF BURRAN." 99 
 
 5. 
 
 But fts ioi lue, T oould not withstiiiid liiin, 'tia the boautifiil dear Eiisif^ I menn, 
 When he ciune into the Shining Daisy* with his niilkwhite smallclothes so clean, 
 With his epaulette shining on his shoulder, and his golden goiget at his breast, 
 And his long silkcu sash so genteelly twisted many times round about his neat 
 
 waist ; 
 His blaek gaiters that were so tight, and reached up to a little below his knee, 
 And showed so well the prettiest calf e'er an Irish lass had tlje good luck to see. 
 
 Oh! the Puwldoudies of Burrau, «tc. dM 
 
 6. 
 
 His eyes were like a flaming coal-fire, all so blaek and yet so bright, 
 Or like a star shining clearly in the middle of the dark heaven at night, 
 And the white of them was not white, but a charming sort of hue. 
 Like a morning sky, or skimmed milk, of a delicate sweet blue ; 
 But when he whispered sweetly, then his eyes were so soft and dim, 
 That it would have been a heart of brass not to have pity upon him. 
 
 Oh I the Powldoodies of Burran, <fec. ifec. 
 
 1. 
 
 And yet now you see he's left me like a pair of old boots or shoes, 
 And makes love to all the handsome ladies, for ne'er a one of them can refuse; 
 Through America and sweet Ireland, and Bath and London City, 
 For he must always be running after something that's new and pretty, 
 Playing the devil's own delights in Holland, Spain, Portugal, and France, 
 Aud here too in the cold Scotch mountains, where I've met with him by very 
 chance. Oh I the Powldoodies of Burrau, &c. &c 
 
 8. 
 When he first ran off and deserted me, I thought my heart was plucked away, 
 Such a tugging in my breast, I did not sleep a wink till peep of day — 
 May I be a sinner if I ever bowed but for a moment my eye lid, 
 Tossing round about from side to side in the middle of my bid. 
 One minute kicking off all the three blankets, the sheets, and the counterpane, 
 Ami then stufEug them up over my head like a body beside myself again. 
 
 Oh I the Powldoodies of Burrau, Ac. <tc, 
 
 9. 
 
 Sajs I to myself, I'll repeat over the whole of the Pater Noster, Ave Maria, and 
 
 creed, 
 If I don't fall over into a doze e'er I'm done with thera 'twill be a very uncomniou 
 
 thing indeed ; 
 But. would you believe it ? I was quite lively when I came down to the Amen, 
 Aud it Wits always just as bad tho' I repeated them twenty times over aud over 
 
 again ; 
 I also tried counting of a thousand, but still found myself broad awake. 
 With a cursed pain in the fore part of my head, all for my dear sweet Ensign 
 
 Odoherty's sake. Oh I the Powldoodies of Bun-an, &q. <kc. 
 
 10. 
 
 But, to cut a long story short, I was in a high fever when I woke in the mominfj 
 Whereby all womeu in my situation should take profit aud warning ; 
 
 * The SAtni'n^ Dnisy was the sipn of Mrs. M'Whirter's chop-houpe at Philadelphia. Sir 
 Daniel Donelly hoisted the same sign over his booth the other day at Doiiny brook Fair — C. N.
 
 ICO riiKiSTorirER in tiik TrNT. 
 
 Anil Doctor Oglethorpe lu» was sent f >r, nnJ lie ordered me nn no necount to nm, 
 But to lie still iind have the \vlii>le of my back eovt-red ovt-r with Simaish fliw, 
 He abo gave me loehes and wills, oastor <iil and the balsam eapivi. 
 Till I was brought down to a mare sliaduw, and si> pah' tlial tlie --iLdit wouM have 
 grieved ve. Oh ! iho I'owldoo.lies ul' liurrau, «ic. «tc. 
 
 11. 
 But in the eouree of a few days more I began to stump a little about, 
 And by tlie blessing of air and exereise, 1 grew every day more and more stout, 
 And iu a week or two I recovered my twist, aud could play a capital knife and 
 
 f..rk, 
 Being not in the least particular whether it was beef, veal, lamb, mutton, or pork , 
 But of all tiie things iu the world, for I was always my father's own true daughter, 
 I liked best to dme on fried tripes, and wa-h it down with a little hot brandy and 
 
 water. Oh I the Powldoodies of Burrun, <tc &0. 
 
 12. 
 
 [f I had the least bit of genius for poems, I could make some very nice songs 
 On the cruelties of some people's sweethearts, and some people's suti'erings aud 
 
 wrongs; 
 For he was master, I'm sure, of my house, and there was nothing at all at all 
 In the whole of the Shining Daisy for which he could not just ring the bell aud 
 
 call ; 
 We kept always a good larder of pidgeon pyes, hung beef, bam. and cowheel, 
 Aud we wouhi have got any thiug to please him that we could either beg, borrow, 
 
 or steaL Oh ! the Powldoodies of Burran, <tc. Ac. 
 
 13. 
 
 And at night when we might be taking our nofjgui in the little back room, 
 I thought myself as sure of my charmer as if he had gone to church my bride- 
 groom ; 
 But I need not keep harping on that string and ripping up of the same old sore. 
 He went off in the twinkling of a bed-po-t, and I never heard tell of him no more, 
 So I niariied the great Doctor Oglethoipe, who had been my athnirer all aloni;. 
 And we had some scolloped Powldoodies for supper ; and every crature joined in 
 the old song. Oh 1 the Powldoodies of Burran, ifec. ^c. 
 
 14. 
 Some people eats their Powldoodies quite neat just as they came out of the sor, 
 But with a little black pepper and vinegar some other people's stutnachs better 
 
 agree ; 
 Young ladies are very fond of oyster paties, and young gentlemen of oyster broth : 
 But I think I know a bit of jjasture that is far better than them both : 
 For whenever we want to be eomfoitable, says I to the Doctor — my dear man, 
 Let's have a few scolloped Powlduodit's, ;iii(l a bit of tripe fried iu the pan. 
 Chorus. — Oh! the Powldoodies of Burran, 
 
 The green, yreen Powldoodies of Burran, 
 
 The green Powldoodies. the clean Powldoodies, 
 
 The gaping Powldoodies of Buri'an. 
 
 After Mrs. Magnus had received those plaudits from the Tent due 
 to this exhibition of native genius, the learned Doctor somewhat 
 anxiously askud us what sort of afcoininodation wo had f<ir him and 
 his lady during the night? We told him that the Tent slept twenty 
 easily, and that a few more could be stOM'ed away between the inter-
 
 TIIK SITANDKYDAN. lOl 
 
 slices, " But give yourself no uneasiness, Dr. ISfaf^us, on tliat score! 
 we are aware of the awkwardness of a lady passiuij the night with so 
 manv Contril)utors, and of the ccnsoriousness of the wrld, nnany 
 people in which seem deteriuined, Doctor, to put an unfavorable 
 construction on every thing we do or say. Besides, your excellent 
 lady might fnid our Tent like the Black Bull Inn of Edinburgh, as it 
 was twenty years ago, when Dr. Morris first visited it, ' crowded, 
 noisy, shabby, and uncomfortable.' Now the inn at Braemar is a 
 most capital one, where the young ladies of the finiily will pay every 
 attention to Mrs. Magnus. We have already dispatched a special 
 messenger for Dr. Morris' shandrydan, and as it is a fine moonlight 
 night, you can trundle yourselves down to bed in a jifTey." 
 
 The sound of the shandrydan confirmed our words, and Ave all at- 
 tended Mrs. Magnus and her husband to the road, to see them safely 
 mounted. Our readers have all seen Peter's shandrydan* — a smart, 
 snug, safe, smooth, roomy, easy-going concern, that carries you over 
 the stones as if you were on turf; and where, may we ask, will you 
 see a more compact nimble little horse than Peter's horse Scrub — • 
 with feet as steady as clock-work, and a mouth that carries his bit 
 with a singular union of force and tenderness? 
 
 " 1 fear that I cannot guide this vehicle along Highland roads," said 
 Dr. Magnus; " and I suspect that steed is given to starting, from the 
 manner in which he keeps rearing his head about, and pawing the 
 ground like a mad bull. My dear, it would be flying in the face of 
 Providence to ascend the steps of that shandrydan." 
 
 While the orator was thus expressing his trepidation, the Standard 
 bearer handed Mrs. Magnus forward, who, with her nodding plumes, 
 leapt lightly up beneath the giant strength of his warlike arm, and 
 took her seat with an air of perfect composure and dignity ; while 
 Odoherty, adjusting the reins with the skill of a Lade or Buxton, and 
 elevating his dexter hand that held them and the whip in its gnostic 
 grasp, caught hold of the rail of the shandrydan with his left, and 
 flung himself, as it were, to the fair side of her who had once been 
 the mistress of his youthful heart, but for whom he now retained jnly 
 the niost respectful affection. 
 
 " Mount up behind. Dr. Magnus," cried the Adjutant, somewhat 
 impatiently; "your teet will not be more than six inches from the 
 ground, so that in case of any disaster, you can drop off" like a ripe 
 pease-cod — mount, T say. Doctor, mount." 
 
 The Doctor did so ; and the Standard-bearer, giving a blast on 
 Wastle's bugle, and cutting the thin air with his thong several yards 
 beyond Scrub's nose, away went the shandrydan, while the moun- 
 tains of the Dee echoed again to the rattling of its wheels. 
 
 • In Peter's Letters there wa? a good deal of quizzing respocting Dr. Morris's shanclrt/dan, 
 of which a sketch was given, showing it to be a one-horse gig, on two high wheels, running 
 lightly, and capable of iiolding two persons. — M.
 
 102 crreiSTOPiTER en tiir tkst. 
 
 The Tent haJ lost its chief charm — so " the dull and dowle " Con. 
 tributors prepared lor repose. In the uncertain light of Luna, we 
 saw the tali, white, ghostlike shirt of Tickler towi-ring over the lower 
 statures; hut in a few minutes, the f»rincipal Contributors to this 
 Matiaziiie were, like Mr. Cunstable's authors, sound asleej). all but the 
 Editor. What with the rhounatism, which always gets worse in the 
 warmth of bid ; and what with the cares of our profession, our mind 
 was absolutely like a sea full of waves, we will not say runnijig 
 mountains high, far from it. but a vast multitude of active smallish 
 ri[)piing waves, like those that keep chasing each other to the shore, 
 for several h<jurs at a time, till it is high water at Li-ith. As we lay 
 in this condition, in the midst of the snore of the Tent, a footstep 
 came to our bed-side, and a soft voice whispered, '" Maister, Maistcr ! 
 are you wauken?" We sat up and saw the face of our incomparable 
 caddy, John M'Kav. " Here's a letter frae Lord Fife, as braid's a 
 bannock. Black llamish, that procht it, says there's an awfu' steer 
 doon at the ludge." We went into the moonlight, where, by-the-by, 
 we saw Kempferhausen very absurdly sitting on a stone, staring at 
 the sky, as if he had just then seen it for the first time in his life, and 
 read the Thane's letter. We then returned to bed to revolve its 
 contents in our mind, and to make fitting arrangements for the morn- 
 ing. The letter was short, for his Lordship uses but few words, and 
 these alwavs the verv best, — 
 
 My Dear Sir — To-mokrow Princk Leopold will visit the Tent 
 — Yours truly, jife.
 
 m\t ILafit Uiifi of tlu Kent* 
 
 Having been thus kindly prepared by the letter of our friend the 
 Thane, we ordered a reveille to bo blown about six o'clock in the 
 morning, and hinted to the more active members of our assembly, 
 that it would be proper for them to start in order to replenish our 
 larder with a quantity of game sufficient for the entertainment of 
 these most honored guests. Nor did our suggestion require to be 
 enforced by many words: Morris, Wastlc, Tickler, Odoherty, Bal- 
 lantyne, Hogg, &c., &c., had all started from their couches long 
 before we (fatigued as we had been with our manifold exertions) 
 thought proper to be awake — and when at last we aroused ourselves, 
 the interior of the tabernacle was quite deserted around us. Wrap- 
 ping ourselves in a blanket, we were stepping forth with the view of 
 bathing (as had been our wont) in the sweet waters of the Dee— but 
 on emerging from the Tent, a very unexpected phenomenon met our 
 eyes. 
 
 Within a few yards of our Pavilion, a very remarkable, and cer- 
 tainly a very reverend-looking old gentleman, bearing no resem- 
 blance whatever either in outline or habiliments to any of the present 
 members of our fraternity, was seated in a large chair, with a long 
 clay pipe of the genuine Dutch fashion in his mouth. He was 
 arrayed in a full suit of dignified black, with the black silk apron, 
 now worn by few except the Bishops and Deans of the English 
 church, suspended in ample folds from his capacious middle. On 
 his head was a large shovel hat, garnished with a black rose in front, 
 and so low and loosely did this hat sit upon the cranium, that it was 
 evident there was no wig below. 
 
 On the right of this surprising personage the Ettrick Shepherd sat 
 squat on the earth — his nether parts protected from the cold soil, yet 
 wet with the morning dew, only by the intervention of his gray maud. 
 He also had a pipe in his mouth — not a long white pipe like the 
 dignitary — but a short little stump of some two inches in length, and 
 all over japanned as darkly and as brightly as if it had been dipt in 
 a pot of Day and Martin's imperial blacking. 
 
 Slow, solemn, and voluminous were the puffs that issued from the 
 lengthier tube — quick, vehement and lusty were those of the Shep- 
 herd — never did a piece of hogg's flesh seem to be in a fairer way
 
 104 CnRISTOPITER IN THE TENT. 
 
 of l)ein<T cured, in the true Suabian method, than his nose, were the 
 process to be continued much longer. Oj^posite to these stood Se- 
 ward and BuUor, earh with his pun in his hand — the -whole £jroup 
 had the appearance ol' being earnestly occupied in some conversation, 
 and for a moment we almost scrupled to interrupt them. 
 
 Seward was the first who observed us, and he immediately beck- 
 oned us to join the party. *' Ilrre.'" cried he, '■comes the illustrious 
 Editor of the first and last of Magazines ; and here, '• pointing to the 
 stranger, " is the mcst illustrious of all the visitors that have yet 
 intruded upon the encampment of Braemar — here, ^Ir. Edit(jr, is the 
 great Dr. Parr !" But for the want of his wig, we could have been 
 in no need of this information; but it was really with some difficulty 
 that, after the fact was announced to us, we could bring our eyes to 
 recognize in the features before us those of the Facile Pkinceps of 
 English Scholars ; and yet it was wonderful, surely, that it should 
 have been so. for many a pipe had we smoked together in the days 
 of old at Charles Burney's. But nothing, the fact is certain, produces 
 so great a change on a man's aspect as the addition or subtraction 
 of a periwig. Who could recognize in the cropped and whiskered 
 Lord of Session as he jostles his way down the High-street, or in 
 the spencered and gaitered Lord of Session as he ambles on a shelty 
 along Leith Sands, the same being, whose physiognomy had V)ut a 
 few minutes before appeared to him amidst all the imposing am]>lifi- 
 cations of curl and frizz, lowering in more than marble al)sfraction 
 over the whole living farrago of the side-bar ? A pretty woman also 
 becomes very (/in.sinn/is si/n when any whitl'of the wind, or the dance, 
 or the chandelier, snatches from her the luxurious masterpiece of 
 Urquhart or Gianetti, and exposes to the gaze of her admirers nothing 
 but a pair of red ears projecting from a little tight cap of yellow 
 flannel, or a bare cranium, with here and there a few short raaned 
 hairs, red or gray, in form and disposition resembling the scanty 
 covering of some discarded tooth-brush. These are both sad meta- 
 morphoses in their way. But iieithi-r of them so complete as those 
 of the Belleiideiiian Parr.* The change had scarcely been more 
 
 • Pr. Samuel Parr, who died in lSi5, -was one of the last of the truly learned men of 
 the Johni^onian era. He was not the renj la.^t, because there is now [lfo4] as I'resident of 
 Magdalen Collefje, Oxford — lie was elected in 17'JI — L>r M. J. Routh. "a scholar and a ri|M. 
 one." who is nearly a century old, and wlio.<e intellect bums as brierhtly in the lamp of life 
 now, with a (lame a-i clear and steady as ever it did in youth. I'arr, whose hijrhest church 
 difinily waj* a prebend's ttall in St. I'aul's Cathedr.al. London, always consiuered himself badiy 
 used in not havin;; been made a bishop, durin;; the short time (l'^(llj-7), that the whif^ leaders, 
 nis personal friends, were in power. No doubt the ullra-Uberality of his polit.cs was oue 
 barrier. His own assertion wa.s. '■ Mad my friends continued in power one foriniph; longer, 
 Dr. Hunirerford was to have been transl.itrj to llerelorJ, and I was to have had Gloucester. 
 My family arran-rements were made." Witli all liis .scholarship, which was larije, he did not 
 accomplish any individual literary work of any preat merit. He wasted his talents and 
 learning on pamphlets, with the exception of his character of the late Charles James Fox, in 
 two volumes, which fell far short of public expectation, and his Latin preface un which he 
 • ketched the characters of Burke, Lord North, and Fox) to a new edition of the third book of 
 Bellendenus. This had been considered the most successful modern uuilation of iho style of
 
 scribble's epistlf. 105 
 
 appalling, though Cirec herself had been there to change the Man into 
 a Hogg. 
 
 " Ail hail !" said we, " and right welcome ! This is indeed a most 
 unexpected honor — what can have l)eon the meiins of ])ringing Dr. 
 Parr to the valley of the Dec f " Mr. lilditor," returned the Doctor, 
 bowing apS(fxuTarug (for no English word v;an do justice to the placid 
 courtesy of that classical reverence) — " You do injustice to your own 
 fiimo when you meet your visitors with such an interrogation as this. 
 Why did I come to the valley of the Dee? 
 
 'S2 KXeivoTuTTjv aiOtpiov OLKiaaq vsoXiv, 
 OvK olg ff 6a7}v Tt/uijv rsap' uvOpuuoi^ (pipet, 
 'Oa»g t" epag-iic Ti/a6' rr/c; X'^P^C ^X^>-C- 
 
 Why should you think it so wonderful that one man should have 
 some curiosity in regard to things for which all men have so great 
 admiration 1 Of a surety, you are the most modest of Editors. 
 And then consider, man," added he, in a light tone, and turning the 
 bowl of his pipe towards the Ettrick Shepherd, " you have many 
 loadstones. Here am I that would not have grudged an inch of my 
 journey althoi'gh its sole recompense had been this Sicilian vision." 
 The allusion was, no doubt, iu chief, at least, to hhn whom ])r. 
 Morris has called " the Bucolie Jamie" — but surely that vision must 
 have been rendered a thousandfold more interesting to the illustrious 
 Grecian, by finding with what affectionate admirntion it was already 
 regarded by the youthful but still kiudred spirits of Seward of Christ 
 Church, and Duller of Brazennose. Seldom, we speak for ourselves, 
 have we been more unaffectedly delighted than by the contenij)lation 
 of this hearty homage paid by these pure and classical spirits of the 
 South to the wild and romantic genius of the Nomadic North. But 
 IIocc was made to unite all men. In him Cam and Isis are found to 
 v/orship the inspiration of the haunted Yarrow. 
 
 We were very happy at this moment ; and accepting Seward's ofTei 
 of a. segar, sat down to enjoy more at leisure the society of this 
 interesting group. But sad was the surprise, and sudden the shock, 
 when looking round, we beheld, stiff and gory upon the sod beside us, 
 Hector — even the faithful Hector — the peerless colley of the Shep- 
 herd ! — " Ah ! Editor," sobbed the Bard, " weel may your look be 
 owercast, when ye see that waefu' sight — waes me ! that Hector 
 should have deed; and waesomest of a', that he should have deed by 
 mine ain hand." " Trnly 'tis a most unfortunate accident that has 
 occurred," said Seward; "our friend here was up with the earliest, 
 and had got so far as those black firs yonder, on his way to the 
 
 Cicero. He has been called "the Brummafjen Johnson," for his imitation of the Doctor's 
 manner and conversation. He talked a great deal, with a curious lisp, and was jicdarlic, 
 dictatcrial, and egotistical. He wore what was called a buzzwig, because Bentley and Jolj'i.snn 
 bad been so covered, and ho was, in his time, the most inveterate smoker in England. — X.
 
 IOC THE LA.ST DAY OF THE TENT. 
 
 ground ; but his piece went off as he was leaping a cut in the heath— 
 and you see the eonscquences." " You're very good to put that face 
 on't, Maistor Siowanl," nuirnuired the j>oet, " but I'm no hoedin 
 abtH>t thae trifles thi- noo — it \\as na in lowping a flow, nur nat'thiiig 
 o' that kind — I ken na hoo it fell out, but I had taen just as good an 
 aim, as 1 thought, as could be, and a' wheen bonny birds were just 
 whirrinji afore mine een, but somogait mv haund shook — I'll nt-vi-r 
 lippen til't nuL' nuiir an' beena with a pen or a kei-lavine — and I hidgit 
 the hail of my barrel in honest Hector — Puir man ! little did ye 
 think wIk'U ye stood there, with your tail like a ramrod — puir fallow! 
 — uh I ril never see the like o' you." Here the Shepherd's agitation 
 increased to such a height, that he ceased to be intelligible. " Cheer 
 up, my dear fellow," quoth Dr. Parr, " cheer up — humanum est 
 errare — 0soov to ziavra xaropSuv. It is of no use to indulge in these 
 regrets, now the unfortunate occurrence has happened ; it caiuiot be 
 undone — a Xpovoj 6 -aavruv ■aary^p. Resign yourself — do not prolong 
 yoiu' sufl'oring by keeping your departed favorite in your view ; let 
 us bury Hector, and then your feelings may be more gentle, fi.r)SsTi 
 TSaziraivs ■n'optfiov — It is done — it is done — let us dig the grave." 
 " Most willingly," cried Buller and Seward both together ; and in a 
 few minutes the corpse of the lamented colk-y was hid from the eyes 
 of his master, by the replaced sod of the wilderness. 
 
 " And now," says Parr, " must Hector lie there without an epitaph' 
 such ingratitude would be abominable, a.-ao-arvg'ov Tt — I fur one would 
 willingly furnish a modest inscription in Greek — the only language 
 which admits a perfect propriety of epitaphs in verse; but Juniorea 
 ad lalores, I shall leave that to my fiiend Buller. For vernacular 
 £aiTa.j3ia, we may certainly trust the muse of Mr. Hogg himself^ 
 •when he comes a little more to his recollection." " I can mak nae 
 epitaphs the noo," said the Shepherd, in a low trembling key, " I'se 
 leave that to them that has met wi' nae loss — puir Hector I" so 
 saying he resumed his pipe, and retired to some distance from our 
 company. " Let him go," said the doctor, " let him go in silence — 
 as Plato remarks, solitude is ever the best soother of affliction, in its 
 first birth ; it is best, says he, to walk apart •croiJov xarazis-l^ai, and so 
 indeed has the poet represented Achilles, after the slaughter of his 
 friend — but to your epitaph." 
 
 Having furnished them with tablets and black lead pencils, we left 
 the three Greeks to themselves; and returning in about half an hour, 
 to amiounce that breakfast would soon be in readiness, we found Mr, 
 Buller putting the last touches to the elegant composition, which wo 
 now insert. We wish the reader had been there, to see Dr. Parr's face 
 when the modest Bachelor of Brazennose put the paper into his hands.* 
 
 •What foUowB is a clever parody on Parr's manner of editing a work, or smotlierintr 
 t beneath an enormous quantity of Latin notes. This travesty, by tlie way, sliuws Breiil 
 ability in the manner in which the Latin language is familiarly treated. — M.
 
 hectoe's epitaph. 1!)7 
 
 Hogg returned just as the doctor was preparing to read,aiid resurniti^ 
 his old posture, apparently a good deal more composed, listened to 
 the 
 
 In Hectora, 
 
 Pastoris Ettricknsis Sive Chald^i Canem, 
 
 Fato pb^propero (dum ((xo-rru ro^ov oux eirey^Si* dominus) AnREPfUM, 
 
 Carmina E'jrjTa^ia. 
 
 'Cf o.' '' apKpteTTov Ta(fov 'EKTopoc— 
 
 Horn. II. w. 804. 
 
 quantum muCatu.i ab illo 
 
 Hectare, qui, d'c. Virg. Ma. ii. 275. 
 
 I. 
 
 'E/tropoff Eifii Kovtc, Tov 6i) KareTveifivev, afjdrj 
 
 'On-Aa XafScjv 6 Nofievc, u^el' <i fXTjS' er* ei}V 
 OvSe TL fiot. xpaiofiriaev, avovTaTO(\ uv ye, Neff^pov 
 BuKuv ov yap eyu arrjOeaiv a/z^' e(j>opovv. 
 
 II. 
 Q ieiv', ayyeiXov Ka/lE(5-(af)-oviO£f,J on rrjSe 
 Kei/iai., TOV ktelvev tviiktovo/xevc'^ avo/iug. 
 
 NOTiE. 
 I. 
 
 Cum mos dudum apud onines hujuscemodi iu rebus veisatos iuvuluerit, poematiia 
 — sive auis, sive aliorum — uotas versibus plus uiinio luuj^iores attexeiidi, mihi 
 quoque eoruni exeinplis obsecuto aliquaiitilluin iu comineutaudo exciurei-e visum 
 est Versus nempe ipsi, utpote minoris pretii, ceu paxilli tautum deiuceps suut 
 reputaudi, quibus anuotiitioues (livoiis uouuuuquani, saepius erudJtiiuis o8tentand» 
 gratia) omni scibili refertie appeudaiitur. 
 
 * riud. OL ii. 160. Accuratius scilicet Pastor ille, et cantare et respondere 
 paratus, 
 
 — Tiva PakXet 
 E/c fidWaKa^ avre ^pe — 
 vof £VK2.ea( oi'ovc 
 lecg. 
 
 Sclopporuni quippe glaude et pulveve nitrato (ut cum lexicograpbis loqu.ar) 
 oneratorum imperitus siuistram libri, ad queui coUiueabatur, pagiuani ne vel 
 uuico plumbi grauo peuetravit, Videsis uou seinel laudaud. Blackw. Magaz. 
 xxix. 600. Dextra ejusderu libri pagiua ne ab ullo jaculautiuin l.-udeietur, in 
 causa fuit Neperi Dissertatio, de qud iufra copiosius. De Nepero ipso, quicquid 
 ouutra oblatreut eyniei, sennoue proverbiali tuto est prouuuciaudum, " he hat saved 
 hi» Bacon." 
 
 f Ha;c appellatio quam prob^ cani Scotico eonveniat, documento sit Swi/liiS. 
 T. r. et S. F. D.apud HibeiiiKS perjueuuda ilia de Vocabulis Veterum Disquisitio ; 
 iu qua Heetuiis conjugem Audroinacben Caledouii cujusdam nobilis, Andrew 
 Mtickay, certo certiiis Kiiam fuisse conteudit. Quidui ergo et viri uouieii ejusdem 
 quoque patrise sit ? Gaudeut quippe Scotigenae Trojauoruui uoiniiiibus. Vixit 
 baud ita pridetu Hector Mouro : vivit hodie, ut ex Aetis Diuruis conjicere licet, 
 Leopoldi Priucipis Ulustrissimi hospes, .(Eueas Mackiutosb ; syuouymique plures
 
 lOS TITE LASr DAT OF THE TENT. 
 
 avi6p<jTi ill Sootiii rcperiri possunt Piice vem tanti viri dixenm, non nihil ine in 
 e^rwio, /nifk'J and tore, iibi copula <i«i. vzeprrv'/./.aOu^ rcduiidct, sulitiu ejus subti- 
 litAtis desiderare. ileliiis foisau, quia ad liuguiE Scuticie geuiiiin accniuiiuxiatius, 
 " Hfck ! tore r laceruiu cjuippo liemis corpus ooutempluiitis cuju:^dalu cxclaiiialio, 
 ratiuiK-ni uoininis leddt-ici. E.\<iiiplis ilcin (ut hoc obiter nioueani) a Sinfiio 
 aUatis. pluriinu quivis eito addiiliiit: e. g. Chauox, qu. carrti-on ; Cekbekus, 
 '• Sir, btar (\.f. eiulurf) i/v," ^tluea sic luuustrum illud TpiKapijvov iuter trauscuiiduiu 
 blniulius coiup •llaiiti', itc. Ac. 
 
 ILvvendoxiii'^i quoque, curu Hectora saepius Masuuidcs vocawiit -oi/i£va ?.aui>, 
 pasU>r:s caiiis pra-ciaro illo noinine oniari jhjsscL 
 
 X Nepeii de Bacoiie ry ui'dTaTij disscrtatioueiii cum ipse, qua? mea est infelici- 
 tas! non perlegeririi, valde dubito utruin nou vulnerntiuii (vulcauiis quippe armis 
 Contccturu) an noti penttra/uiii interjirt'tari dfbt-ain. Luccni forsau voci atfuudet 
 quod dt' eo Ciiristophoru* No^ter, in Bliukw, M'i(j. ib, posteris proiiidit; xuch ini- 
 pcuctrable stuff it proved to be. Quicquid vtio de eo sit stiitueiiduni, inaU pro- 
 pulsatorem Baconeni non adfuissejure iiiiretur aliquis, cum inter ejus Pustorisquc 
 Ettricensis nomen (Hogg) necessitudo arclior interccdet ; quod tameu elarissiinum 
 illud pliilosophije decus pernes^asse, Hoi^t^io quoilain per collum mox su:;|>eudendo 
 ad n)iserationem nuiveiidaiu strenue atfirniante, eel. Josephus Millt-rus lepidu sane 
 (ut sajpe) uarratiuncula scriptis cuusiguavit: '^A But/, till it is hinuj, is not 
 Bacon! 
 
 \'erbosiorem esse de qua agitur dissertationeni, nee tutu vigilare cupientibus 
 Bub noctem in manus suinendam queruntur multi; quod profecto vel noniinis ejus 
 prajnomihisque svllaba; prima? fatali quAdam conspiratioue praiuotare videutur, 
 cum MAC a fiaKor Doi-. |>ro f^'iKog dc-i-jvetur, et sap Auglicil' sinitnum soiiet, ue Ma- 
 zcppa' quid. Ill ipsiui (utpote longioris) auditoribus, si poetae testi credamus, evi- 
 taiidum. T/ie kiiKj hud been an hour asleep. 
 
 LectoreJn non fugerit, quibus verbis Hectora ab Ajace pen'ussmn Hoinerus, 11.. 
 f. 417, A-c, designaverit, quercui ilium i-ai (ti-iji -arpog Aior radenti as.similans, 
 
 vernaculaque plauii i,quod nulli non suboluerit) tigura addeus, Setv?! <5c ^tetou 
 
 yiverai odfii]. 
 
 IL 
 
 [ Olim legebaiv:'', 
 
 'Q ^'iv', ayfei7,ov AaKeSaifiovioi^, dri TTjih 
 Keifii-'^a, Toig keivuv nei'^ofievoi vofiifioi^. 
 
 Hoc, quoad ductum literarun. c^teraque in conjeeturis crilieis observari sueta, 
 quam piope quod in textu dedimus F.pigramma eoiitingit! 
 
 Yai artcm, qua ad dolnris aeriiis urgentis vim pleue exprimendam tme.si factA, 
 atque ploraiitis syllaba AI iu medio vocabulo insert;!, poeta tautiim non in fletum 
 Beeum legentes abripiat 1 Decautatum istud de ilatiliia Pottinger poema, in quo, 
 nnllo ad atlectum res^pectu habito, ofLuioTe'/.evTU (Anglice liltyme) ctKcicudi caus^ 
 verba quiedam intercisa sunt: e. g. 
 
 Tliou wast the daughter of my Tu- 
 tor, Law Professor at the U- 
 niversily, etc. (Rovkrs.) 
 
 quanto hoc nostrum exsiiperat ! Vehementioris scilicet est luctils voculam qnim 
 senteiitiam discindere; ideoque, niejudice, AI istud patiietieum ommbus v<'t<.rum 
 Tragicorum ejulatibus, f, c, f, otototoi, otototoi, Ac. nari'ati<inis cursum impedj- 
 eutibus nieritti est antcponendum. 
 
 Prima? vocum partes, Aqke et KaXe faeillime inter se permutari posse quis non 
 videt ? neu milii vitio veilerit quisquam (Uuehanan«» Juuioque auctoribus fretns, 
 quorum hie Ka/.Tji'ioric i/ xoptefyoa, ille A't/tnjiha Ca/edoiiias, Ac. scriptuiu reliipiit) 
 uie non per Ji secundani syllabam in Ka'/.E^ovioig exlulisse. NuUus enim dubilat
 
 NOTES ON IJECTOlt's El'lTATU. lOO 
 
 duin id metri nrcessitati, eodoin quo in a3nvaTor pojterisqiie ejiisriem f.'nirn.- ^^<?r- 
 bis inodo pi'iiiiii syllaha |>ri>(lui'itui", acec|)tiiin referri ilebeat. Id si n^m satis 
 plnoent, Ici^at, |)ei me licet, ay'eU.oi> av Ka'Aijihvioir, Veneresqiie nniiies in vdcwU'i 
 lllu siiiiijliee AI delitesccntes iiiio quasi ietu Caliijiila alter siislnlerii. 
 
 § Vocein TTTjKravofXEVi; iiou alias oecurrore si qiiis objeeeit, is veliin secuin rcpu- 
 tet, quiit veter-uiii libri iu quibus forsati erat I'eperieiida oniuiuo perierint ; iiec 
 fistuiil eaiiciitein pastDrem vtM'bo ad seiisiim a|ili(>ri de-cribi putuis^e. Hi/KTi<)a 
 quippe imisieoruiii instruiiietitiiiii pecteii esse vel tyroiiibus iintuiii est. 
 
 Cum vera pastniibus septeiitiionalibiis llve^ ikhi snluiii pasecre sed etiam toii- 
 dere moris sit, legaiit fortacsis alii (vulgat;e leclii)iii, ut luilii qiiidem videlur, uiinis 
 arct«^ iusisteutes) TveiKovo/iev^. 
 
 '"^'Hrec dum avToaxs^t-o^ovToc more etfuuderem distichon, quoddam mihi in men- 
 tcm venit, pace tua, lect(»r, leviter enieudandiun : 
 
 M.?iSev a/xapreiv e^i Oeo>v, kui Tzavra Karop-Bovv 
 Kv jiiorrj. fioipav 6' ovtl ipvyecv EKopev. 
 
 Haee ita correxeiis : 
 
 M?/f5t; Mnprarrui' eotl deuvruv izavra Knrop-Hovv 
 E/i6aTEui>. Moi.pav y' ovtl (^vysiv SKopev. 
 
 Quis hie poetam de rebus nuperri me in Tudia gcstis vaticinantem nou depre- 
 henderit? noiiien ipsuin habes Marcliiunis illius, quein diieetu Scntia nostra pau- 
 ci)8 abhiuc aunos, suspexit, eqiiitatus jam nunc Mahi'attiei hac iliac discurreutis 
 victorem Britannia omnis suaquc ipsius lerne demiratur. 
 
 Aliud item, ne iliutiiis te teneam, poette e iDnfrinquo quid esset futurum pros- 
 picientis exeinpluiii aecipe ; Drydeiii nempe vei'sus biuos, iu quibus homuuculos 
 vulgo dictos Spa-Fields Reformkus, ductoremque eoruiu famusuiu, quasi nomiua- 
 tiui designat: 
 
 Better to fimit in ^fields for health unbought, 
 Thau fee the doctor for a nauseous draught. 
 
 ubi rcj corruption opponitur vox health, eodem plane sensu quo xalm^ populi su- 
 prenia lex esse dieitur; to wihought veuum exposita sulTragia tangit; the doctor 
 procerem quemdam, ut ita dicam, tvith cinming (Qu? Canning) finger indigitat ; 
 TO draught denique (souo quiilem atque Metaphor;! juxtA ueijlectis) res serarii 
 forsan subobscure respieit, nisi — quod vix tamen cretliderim — Huntii cerevisiana 
 fiiUacibus oliTn veueui heibis concoctam vates innuat. Videaut Angli anuou euu- 
 dem quern antea potum plebi propinaudum 6 zsmw offerat.* 
 
 Neque si etymis nonnuuquam primo viso tanlum non ridendis usus esse videar 
 euccensebuut mihi qui Bryantii tov fiaKapirov, aliorumque e sectatoribus ejus 
 toiuoB pervoiverint ; qualia sunt, e. g., qu£E sequuutur. 
 
 * If Mr. Buller had passed from the Brewer to the Sportsman, he would have found Henry 
 Hunt, in one of his late letters, complaining of his Lancaster treatment — expressing himself 
 thus, "a week"s shooting at MiJdleton cottage will set all to rights." In the meantime, we 
 find himabout to pass through London on his way, prepared, we suppose, in illustration of this 
 expression, like another Xerxes with his myriads — T7]v6e TTjV Tro?UV drjpaaai (itJschyl. Pels. 
 3)8), not. however, it may be feared, with the view of rendering it Baai?^El LznrjKOOg, (Ibid.) 
 The word orjpaoai, besides its obvious allusion, furnishes one of those deep and hidden senses 
 which escape the vulgar eye. We miy take its meaning from Herodotus aayaVEVUffl ~Mf 
 cvOpuaa^ Ihtov tov rpr-uov. avrjp ai'iSpog aipa/itvog ttic X^^P'K (could there be a more 
 (li»lin;t enunciation of w..at took place on the advent of THE Great K.now.n at Manchester") 
 Aia aaarj^ 7//f rrjad diE/'Buai etit)rfp£vovT£( T«f avdpuTtovg (vi. 31.) But we are becoiu 
 in^ quite a BuUer — C. N.
 
 J 10 THE LAST DAY OF THE TENT. 
 
 Idem val ^re aJagia, e~i tcjv dvax^peai kui pXaCepoig emxcipovvTuv disla, 
 
 1. Aj^ rjjv ftaxaipar, 
 
 2. Kopuvr] Tov OKopmov, 
 
 3. hvayvpov Kivfiv, 
 
 4. Ljnes mippoxiti cinfri doloso, 
 
 5. Teipprj nvp vnoda/.irofievov) et 
 
 6. AfoiTo vvaaeii', 
 
 apml Paropmiogrnphuni quemdnm olirn logisse me meinini. Hoc ita esse, vide, 
 lector, qiioiiu>di> ipce paucis leviter immutatis, via (ui inulluin fallur) baud aoti 
 tritA piobatuin iveriin. 
 
 1. Lege iUique, /eiii in axpenim verxn, 'A(t ttiv ftaxaipai' (hay sc. j. p.) et habtM 
 nuperum, tie in Com. Lancastr. tuimiltuni luce ipsa elaiius (lescriptiitn. Niiiiis 
 forsan essct veibiiin proinere, si in *<j ^laxmpnv Mane. Imu lioliti'scere me S(ispi> 
 cari afHnnarcm ; sciiii-gi-pci^^Sft licet lingua anglican.-i, et vox t-ixfipovvTui> sie 
 fcindein piopiia sua signiticalione gavisura esse vidcatur — Milituni quippe Muii- 
 cuniensium enses, qui quain fuerint 6vaxepcig aai i3?M6epoi oniuibus fere, a qua- 
 cunque demuin parte s ent, in ore versatur. 
 
 2. KnpuvT} TOV aKopmov quid sibi velit, jure quis dubitare possit. Addifo p 
 Solum oninis stjitiin diffieultas e medio tollitur. KopDvy/p {/iaili/. Iftr Coroner) rov 
 OKOpTTiov, queni uoxiuui quoddam auiinal esse (l^u i Augl, a Ilanner) quis non 
 videt ? 
 
 3. Ava)X'pov Ktvfiv, quod in Aristopliane occurrit, vix ipse, acniginatum hujusmodi 
 npud reeentiores ^dipus, Erasmus expediverit ; cum anagyrum genium quoddam 
 fuisse liarioletur, qui proj)ter vitdatum ejus saeellum vieinos omnes funditusever- 
 tit ! upage : uon placet. Ego Travijyvpiv lego, sc. to dhjirrse a Minn-lirstfr nwl>— 
 utrum ev Ktifievov (i. e. well-dixpoxed) nnow, penes alios judicium est futurum. 
 
 4. Vice Viueri stibstituas ''fineri,'' pio Finei'ty (hoc enim, quod aiunt nostrates, 
 fiU to a 7';) et planum tit omne, in quo anteaob tenebras eircumfusasolTeudebatur. 
 
 5. Tei^pj) mterpreteris, peue ad literam, The Free. 
 
 6. Deniijue Atorra vvaattv quid proprie sit, dou satis liquet : nisi per aphiere- 
 sin pro NaTo/foiTa fucrit dictum, quem inter prospera quidem pu|)ugisse Don 
 temerc quivis aiisus esset Hujus ceratu qua, dum fortuna fuit, inimici damuaban- 
 tur, ver^ notavit Ovidius ; utpote quam 
 
 de loii()(t coUeclain Jfore cicutcB 
 
 Me/lc sub ijifmni Corsica tnisit apis* 
 
 Nonne jam vides. ut hrec onmia inter se eoncinant ? 
 
 SED MANUM QUOD AIUNT DE TABULA. 
 
 These lucubrations seemed to produce the happiest efTect in the 
 wounded spirit of the ShcfihorJ. The grand solemn note in which 
 the Doctor recited the beautitul Greek lines themselves riveted hiai 
 attention, and delighted (how could it be otherwise?) his ear. But| 
 whether it was the j)hysiognomy of the Doctor, or his voice, or his 
 gesture, or all together, we know not. This mucli is certain, that the 
 Shepherd seemed to be amused, at least, as much as any of us with, 
 the NoUie. The two or three vernacular vcjcables introduced atlbrded^ 
 perhaps, some little clue of the purport of the annotations — at all 
 events, he laughed considerably every time that Greek proper name 
 Ne^rjpof was repeated in any of its cases. At the end he withdrew 
 
 • Anne hie ad Apin, Deum, ec JEgyptiorum, qualem »e Dux iste Gallorum impie profc»-.o» 
 •8t, alluJitur ?— S. P.
 
 TIMS SHOOTS DR. PAUk's WIG. Ill 
 
 arm in arm with Seward, probably in hopes of o])taininfT from him a 
 more accurate account of what had been said by Mr. Buller about 
 himself — his dog — and the transactions of the Royal Society. We 
 overheard hitii saying, after a few minutes of colloquy with his ora^-Ie, 
 and after three or four portentous cackles of returning merriment, 
 " Od, man, the warst o't is, that the creature would never understand 
 a line o't, even it was pjt intill the Magazine — Lord safe ye! he 
 kens nae niair about Greek than mysel. There's some o' thae kind 
 o' literary chiels about Edinburgh, that writes themselves esquires, 
 and editors, and a' the lave o't, and yet kens very little mair, to ca' 
 kenning really — than a puir herd like what I was mysel — they're 
 blathering skytcs a wheen o' them ; neither genius nor learning — it's 
 nae meikle wonder they mak but a puir hand o't." " Pooh !" said 
 Seward, " he'll get somebody to translate it for him." — " Oo' aye," 
 quoth Hogg, "gie Gray or Dunbar a dictionary, and a day or twa 
 to consider o't, and I daur say they'll be able to gie him some ink- 
 ling — but J was clean forgetting mysel, he has nacthing to do, but to 
 gang ourcby and specr at Professor Christisin — f/uil Professor, they 
 
 I say, is a real scholar ;* he'll interpret it as glegg as ye like. — But 
 Losh keep us a', there's Tims coming hame aw by his lain, and what's 
 
 I that he has gotten on the end o' his gun ?" 
 
 I Looking round in the direction indicated by Theocritus, we descried 
 the Cockney at the distance of about 100 yards, advancing in a slow 
 and dignified pace ; his piece carried high over his shoulders, and on 
 the summit thereof a something, the genius and species of which were 
 
 I at this distance alike mysterious. " What the deel's that ye've got- 
 
 ; ten, callan !" cried the Shepherd (who, b)-the-way, had all along 
 tre^ited Tims and Price with unsufferable indelicacy). " My man, 
 ye've had a fine morning's sport — Is that a dead cat or a dirty sark 
 ye're bringing haim wi' ye '?" " God knows what it is," said the 
 Londoner, " or rather whose it is, for I believe, upon my honor, 'tis a 
 parson's wig — but I thought it was a ptarmigan, sitting on the bough 
 of that there tree by the river side, and 1 brought it down ; but 
 demme if it be'nt a wig." — " You good-for-nothing little pert jacka- 
 napes," vociferated Parr — "You believe it to be a wig! and you 
 took it to be a ptarmigan." . . . . " Come, come now, Doctor," inter- 
 rupted the Shej)herd, "yemauna be owre hard on an inexperienced 
 callant — Preserve us a' ! that beats all the wigs that ever I saw ! 
 Lord ! what a gruzzle !".... Here the burst of laughter was such, 
 that Dr. Parr found himself compelled to join in the roar ; and after 
 the first peal was over, he begged pardon of the Cockney for the 
 harsh terms he had employed in the most good-tempered stj'le 
 ill the world. He of Ludgate Hill was sorely crest-fallen, but he 
 
 •Dr. CUristison, one of the Professors in the Faculty of Medicine in Edinburgh Univer 
 
 »i'y.— M.
 
 112 THE LAST DAY OF TIIE TENT. 
 
 harbored no resentment, and all w:is soon peace and harmony. 
 " Tills lu'ats old Routh's quite to nothintr, Bullur," said Seward — 
 " Eg.vl, Seward," cries Biiller. "there iiiiifht be a blackbird's nest in 
 every curl, and a rookery in the top frizzle. Burton's is but a ba<:;w 
 telle to this." — " Enou«;h, enough, my young friends," quoth tho 
 Doctor; " mv wig was pilloried long ago in the Ediidiurgh lievitw 
 by Sidney Smith : it has now been shot through, and that by Mr. 
 Tims, on the banks of the Dee; surely it is high time to give up itij 
 persecution. — Leave it, leave it, to repose." '' But hoo, in the name 
 of wonder," cried Hogg, ''did ye come to leave your wig in the 
 bough o' a fir-tree — wluit in a datt like doing was that?" — " Wliy, 
 !Mr. Hogg." answered the Bellendenian, with w^onderful suavity, 
 " when you're as old a man as I am, your faculties will not perhaps 
 be quite so alert on all occasions; you will perhaps learn to n)ake 
 blunders then as well as your neighbors. Be merciful, most illus- 
 trious Shepherd ; I stripped myself, about two hours ago, to bathe in 
 this beautiful river of yours, and hung my wig on the tree that w;is 
 nearest me; I forgot to take it down when my bath was over, and 
 you see the consequence. Let's say no more about the matter, xoxov 
 sv x£ifjL£vov Mr. Seward." — " Yes, yes," cried Buller, " fi») xivsi — jxij 
 xivii." Dr. Morris's servant was at hand ; at our suggestion the 
 periwig was intrusted to his care, and in a few minutes it made its 
 appearance on the sinister hand of that accomplished valet, in full 
 puff and fuzz, apparently blooming only the more vigorously from 
 the loppings it had sustained. 
 
 Fifteen years ago, when James Hogg was tending sheep on the 
 hills of Ettrick, what would a judicious person have thought of the 
 man, who should have predicted, that the Shepherd was destined, in 
 the book of fate, or some future day, to replace " the /xsya davixa of 
 the literary world" on the head of the eulogist of the " Tria lumina 
 Anglorum ?"* Yet, with our own eyes have we beheld this thing. 
 Dr. Parr " stooped his anointed head" to the author of the Queen's 
 Wake, and that genuine bucolic, taking the wig from the hand of 
 Tims, placed it with all the native dexterity of a man of genius, on 
 the brows of Philopafris Varviccnsis.f " Ma Aia," cries the Pre- 
 bendary, " the old reproach, -aoXu^pvWrirov illud ; the Boicotioj L? haSi 
 been nobly wiped away by this unlearned Theban. To speak with I 
 the immortal CasauV)on, "Talia qnis non amisisse vellet, per te deni-<| 
 que, vir cgregi recuperaturus." This weighty matter having bedli^ 
 
 • So Burke, Lord North, and Charles James Fox were dosijjnated, in Parr's Preface to Beller- 
 den us, who — and this ir- mentioned for the special benefit of " the country gentleman," was Wjl- 
 liajn Beilenden, a native of Scotland, who was educated at Paris, where he was I'rofessor ofj 
 Belles-Lettres in iW'i. He wrote a work called Cirero Priiicrps. which was published In | 
 !(!()«, and afterwards included in his Bellcndenus de Statu, which Parr partly edited la 
 I7-7.-M 
 
 t Parr's residence, at Hatton, in Warwickshire, was about eighteen miles from Birminghan^iJ 
 and he published his Character of Fox under the nom-de-plume of Philopatris Varvicensis. — MaJ 

 
 BREAKFAST. 113 
 
 adjusted, we bowed the illustrious scholar into our Tout, and sat 
 down at the head of the breakfast-table, with Dr. Parr on our right, 
 and James Hogg on our U'ft hand. Bullcr siijiportod the jireaciier 
 of the ISpittal sermon,* and Seward was still the " fidus Achates" of 
 the bard of Yarrow. At some distance sat Tims eyeing the rein- 
 stated wig, and mentally calculating the number of grains of shot 
 which it now contained ; for, imlike a certain paper in the transac- 
 tions of the Royal Society of Edinburgh, it was not made of impene- 
 trable stuff. We are rusty in our Greek now-a-days, and could not 
 help wishing that ]])r. Search, that truly attic wit, had been present 
 to whisper into our willing ear a little of his profound erudition. But 
 we soon found, that at breakfast a great scholar, like 6 zsappog, rightly 
 deemed that he had something else before him than Greek roots, 
 and that the pleasantest of all tongues is that of the rein-deer. The 
 j Doctor is evidently not a man to pick a quarrel with his bread and 
 I butter; and though we, Duller, and Hogg, ran him hard, he at last 
 I gained the plate. A Highland breakfast is sometimes too heavy a 
 I meal ; and the board is inelegantly crowded. But on the present oc- 
 I casion, we took for our guidance the old adage, 
 
 Est modus in rebus, sunt certi denique fines, 
 
 and ordered John Mackay on no account whatever to put on the 
 table anything more than a couple of dozen of eggs, a mutton ham, a 
 tongue, a cut of cold salmon, a small venison pasty, some fresh her- 
 rings, a few Finnan baddies, a quartern loaf, oatmeal cakes, pease 
 scones, barley bannocks, honey, jelly, jam, and marmalade ; so that 
 one's attention was not likely to be distracted by a multiplicity of 
 objects, and we all knew at once where to lay our hand on something 
 comfortable. " Hah ! Buller, you dog," said the Doctor, between 
 two enormous mouthfuls of broiled herring, superbly seasoned, under 
 the guidance of our master Celt, with Harvey sauce and Cayenne, 
 '■'■ jentacnlum mehercule ipsi Montano ipsi Cripso invidendum.'''' 
 " What say you, you dog? 
 
 ' Such food is fit for disembodied spiiits.* 
 
 Good eating is not confined, as of old, intra centcsiinum lapklcm !'''' 
 A long and animated discussion ensued concerning the comparative 
 merits of Rutupian and Kentish, or Gauran JNIullcts — a favorite 
 breakfast dish it seems with the Emperor Vitellius. When this was 
 beginning to wax a little less vehement, and Parr had at last put his 
 
 •There has lone: existed an endowment for having a sermon annually preached in Christ- 
 Churcli, N'ewpate-street, London. This, which is called the Spittal Sermon, from the name of 
 (he person wlio bequeathed the amount, from which payment is made to the preacher, was de- 
 livered by Dr. Parr in ISOO, and published by him soon after, with voluminous notes. Parr, 
 who was desultory in his writings, contrived to drag in Godwin's Political Justice, which then 
 had recently been published ; and having attacked it, hrought down upon himself a pamphlet, 
 by Mr. Godwin, in which the divine -was treated with less ceremony than he conceived him- 
 etlfentitled to.— M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 10
 
 Hi TUE LAST DAY OF THE TENT. 
 
 tea-spoon into his seventh cup, to show that ho liad given in ; a \ /jd 
 noise was heard ot* .shouting; vojees, and eilioinj: biicjles ; so, nini-.ing 
 hastily into the open air, we beheld a si<j;ht worthy of the inou'itains. 
 The Thane, with his usual fine taste, had, liy sunrise, escorted Phinck 
 I^EoroLU* to the ibrest, that lie might juirtake ot'the 
 
 Wild mirth of the desert, fit pastime for kings. 
 
 And now many a liill-side was gloaming with his Celtic tenantry 
 
 " All phiided and plumed in their tartan array," 
 
 when a magnificent stag came hounding along, close by the Tent, 
 pressed hard by those enormous hoinids whose race is not yet e.xtinet 
 m the 11 iiililands. and whose fierce and savage career in the cha'je 
 carries back the mind to remote ages, 
 
 " AVIion the hunter of deer nnd tlie warrior trod 
 O'er his hills that euciicle the se.i." 
 
 As the " desert-boon" went by, 
 
 " Wafting up his own mountains that far-beaming head," 
 
 the heather was stained with his blood, tor had he not been wounded 
 he would soon have distam-i'd his f)ursuers. It was delightful to 
 observe the enthusiasm of the fine old man. when all the wild pomp 
 of this mountain-ehase hurried tumultuously by — and to hear with 
 what energy he repeated some of those m;ijestic liuBs of Virgil, 
 descriptive of that hunt where Dido and ^^^neas shone. 
 
 The feelings of Seward found (juite a dillerent form of expression. 
 A fine animal by Diana — "demme, liuller. if the scoundrel has not 
 the horns of an Alderman." Tims startled at this simile, but said 
 nothing, and probably relapsed into a dream of the ]'2pping-IIuiit, at 
 which the stag is very conveirn'Utly made to jump out of the hinder 
 parts of a wagon. Price joined the rout in his Surrey cap, and gave 
 the whoo|i-holla with the lungs of astentor, while Seward continued: 
 "The Duke of Beaufort's hounds used to run down old Reynard, 
 
 •Prince Leopold, of Saxe-Cobiirir, now Kinp of the Bclcians, really wns in ScoUand ijl • 
 Septi'inber, ISHI. Ho visited Sir Walter Sooll. at Alibolsford. There is an ainusinj; account, 
 in one of Scoit's letters to Lord Montagu, of the domestic anxiety wliicli tliis visit caused tt I 
 Abbotsford. Tbe Prince, it seems, had come from Kdinlnirch to see '• fair Melrwse," which U 
 close by the town of Selkirk. Scott, who was Sherilfof the county, al'.enJed at Selkirk to do] 
 the honors. "The Prince very civilly told me," said he, •■ that.thouf^h lie could not see Mel- 
 rose on this occasion, he wished to come to Abbolsford tor an hour." There was no Jeclinmc 
 the visit, but " adomiciliary search for cold meat, through the whole city oj Selkirk. producM 
 one shoulder of cold lamb." However, with broiled salmon, and bla.k cock, and partri>lt;u8, a I 
 lunch was made out, and .Scott adds : " I chanced to have some very fine old hock, which wUil 
 mighty permane to the inMler." In 1S1'.» much sympathy was felt for I'rince Leopold, hal 
 May, l>lt), he had married the Princess Charlotte, daupliter of fieorge IV., who had fallen iai 
 love with him at a tune when his worldly property was only £',iM> a year. 'Phey lived inotti 
 happily until November, 1-17. when the Princess Charlotte unexpeeiedly died, after her lA*! 
 coucheinent. The national crief for her loss wa.^ deep beyond parallel, andpreat was tlie sym-l 
 pathy for Leopold in his bereavement. The marriaf;e of the late Duke of Kent with PrinotI 
 I.enpold'ii sister (of which Queen Victoria is the sole surviving issue) would probal)ly not liavill 
 inken place (in Isis), if there h.itl not be«n the previous family couuexion created, by '.ttil 
 I'rincenii Charlolte'it union witii Leo]>olJ. — M. J
 
 PEENCE LEOPOLDS VISIT. 115 
 
 breast-liigh all the time, in Iwcnfy niintilcs — and Parson Simmons' 
 nac-k were not so mudi amiss, tliougli iIk> lieM indeed was rather 
 raflish — but the Grand Signor yonder would leave them all behind 
 — poor devil, he is never again to revisit his seraglio." 
 
 All the world has read the I.ady of the Lake, and he who has for 
 gotten the deseription of the Stag-ehase in that poem, may be assured, 
 that had he been born w'hen mankind were in the hunter-state, he 
 must havp died of hunger. It may be just as well not to do over 
 again any thing that it lias pleased Walter Scott to do ; and there- 
 fore, should any of our readers be tired of us, let them turn to Fitz- 
 James jir.d his gallant Grey. Now, as of old, a Prince was on the 
 mountain-side, and while the wild cries of the Highlanders echoed far 
 and wide, from rock to rock over that sublime solitude, as every glen 
 sent pouring down its torrents of shouting hunters, Leopold nuist 
 have ielt the free spirit of ancient days brooding over the desert, and 
 what true glory it is to be loved and honored by the unconc^uei'ed 
 people of the mountains of Caledonia. 
 
 The tumult at length faded away far up among the blac mists 
 that hung over the solitary glen of tlie Linn of Dee. We found our- 
 selves deserted in our Tent. Even Dr. Parr had strayed away 
 among the rocks in search of some watch-tower, from which he might 
 yet catch a glimpse of the skirts of the vanished an ay. But the 
 noble Thane had not been neglectful of us. A strong band of the 
 finest Highlanders that could be selected from the population of his 
 immense estat(!S, w^ith many too of the Grants and Gordons, came, 
 bonnets waving, plaids flying, and pipes sounding, to the Tent, to 
 form a guard of honor to receive the Pkince, not unworthy the 
 flower of the House of Saxony. They immediately disjioscd them- 
 selves in the most picturesque positions among the wild scenery 
 round th«< Tent — one band cresting a rocky eminence with a gorgeous 
 diadem of scarf and plume — another seen indistinctly lying as iu 
 ambush ?mong the high bloom of the heather — and a third, drawn up 
 as in order of battle, to salute Leopold on his arrival with a dis- 
 charge of musketry. Meanwhile pipes challenged pipes, and pibrochs 
 and gatherings resounded like subterraneous music from n hundred 
 echoing hills. 
 
 By the munificence of the Thane our table had been firnished up 
 with a splendor fit for the reception of a Prince — and just as all the 
 arrangements were finished, we saw 'the noble party descending a 
 steep, and advancing straightway to the Tent. To our delight and 
 astonishment a bevy of fair ladies joined the train ere it reached the 
 banks of the Dee; and, as if suddenly built by magic, a little plciir 
 sure-boat, beautifully painted, rose floating on that transparent river, 
 into which Prince, Lord, and Lady, lightly stepped, and in a few 
 minutes they stood on the greensward before our Tent,
 
 116 THE LAST DAY OF TirE TENT. 
 
 John of Sky — I><»nl Fife's own f>i|i(r — and several others, lilew up 
 that well-known jiiliroahd (I'liailt IMirase), or Prince's wele.(«nie, that 
 made the welkin ring, while two hundred Highlanders, hi the garb of 
 old Gaul, with bonnets weaving in the air, gave 
 
 " That till ice-repeated ery, 
 In ■which <>kl Alpin's heart ami toiiiruo unite, 
 "Whene'er her soul is up, and j)ulse beats high, 
 Whether it hail the wine cup or the fight, 
 Aud bid each arm be strong, or bid each heart be liglit." 
 
 A discharge of musketry from the guard of honor followed well those 
 proud huzzas, and when the din ceased, nothing was heard but the 
 wild cry of the eagle wheeling in disturbed circles far up in the sky. 
 
 The Standard-bearer* advanced to receive Prince Leopold, who, 
 in the most gracious manner declared what "high satisfaction it gave 
 him thus to visit our Tent, and that he would have the pleasure of 
 staying dinner." Nothing could exceed the graceful atTlibility of the 
 Marchioness of Hinitlyf and her fair friends, who, after expressing 
 their delight with our characteristic reception of the Prince, and their 
 admiration of our Tent and all its arrangements, withdrew under the 
 protection of the Thane, who soon, however, returned again to the 
 scene of festivity. Every moment stragglers kept coming in, till the 
 n^hole party was complete, and we sat down in the Tent to a feast 
 which it would be endless to describe, coiisisting of every delicacy 
 from air, flood and field, and enriched with all generous and mighty 
 wines in cup and goblet, from the ancient catacombs of Mar-Lodge4 
 
 The presence of our Illustrious Guest, so justly dear tt) the 
 "soul of this wide land," shed a calm and dignified tranquillity 
 throughout the Tent — and the feelings then awakened in the hearts of 
 us all will cease only when those hearts shall beat no more. During! 
 dinner Prince Leopold sat on our right hand, and Lord Iluntly on 
 our left, while Wastle, who acted as cioupier, had the honor ot 
 being supported by Baron Addenbroke and the Thane. The Prince, 
 the moment he recognized Dr. Parr, requested him, Avith the mosi 
 affectionate respect, to sit by him ; and Lord Iluntly. || remarking.' 
 that the highest of all rank was that conferred by genius, took thi 
 
 • Otloherty. — M. t Now Duchess of Gordon, residing at Huntly Lodge, Aberdeenshire. — M 
 X The Earl of Fife's Shooting Lodge. It is close to Balmoral, the Scottish residence of Queei 
 Victoria. — .M. 
 
 II Afterwards Duke of Gordon. On hfs death, in 1837, without leiritimate male issue, th 
 Dukedom and most of the estates went to his next-of-kin, the pre.-<ent Duke of Richmond, and tli 
 Karl of Aboyne, another relative, succeeding to his .second title, became Marquis of Huntiv 
 This last was a character, and died in June IS.W. at the advanced a^e of ninety-two. actuali 
 continuing to the la-^t, to ait as aide-de-camp to the Queen. His all'eotation of youth, almost i 
 his dying day, was curious. The failed beau. de.scril>ed in Gil IJlas, wliodaily M>e an old mai 
 and was mnile up, after a three hours' toilette, into the semblance of a younc Lothario, w 
 EoinewKat like the Maiqui.< of Huntly. — who, however even went to the extremity of weariu 
 cork pliinipirx in his mouth, to swell out his cheeks, wliich had fallen in from age I At li 
 age of 87, I saw him dance n polka, and his affectation of juvenility would have been amusin 
 if, t) contrast, it were not almost painful. — M. 
 
 fl
 
 KIT north's speech. 117 
 
 Ettr\ck Shepherd by the liand, and kindly seated him between liirii 
 self and Mr. Seward. Every one, in short, being proud and happy, 
 "was placed to his mind — and time (lew so swiftly by, (hat the cloth 
 was removed before we had Runid leisure to revolve in our mind a 
 •tw words of address on rising to propose the 
 
 Health of the Prince Regent.* 
 
 " Little would it coincide with our ideas of propriety to enlarge at 
 any considerable length upon topics not immediately suggested by 
 the proper object of our meeting, far less upon any, concerning which 
 it might be possible that any diircrence of opinion, or of sentiment, 
 should be found among those who have this day the honor of being 
 assembled in this distinguished presence. It is not possible, however, 
 that we should proceed, in these circumstances, to propose the health 
 of the actual sovereign of these islands — the Prince Reirent of Ene- 
 land — without prefacing a few words concerning those rumors of 
 disturbance and disaffection,! of mad and rancorous outrage against 
 the peace of this great empire, and of elaborate insult against all 
 those institutions by which the prosperity of that empire has hitherto 
 been maintained and balanced — rumors which reach our ears with an 
 effect of so much strange and portentous mystery here among these 
 regions of lonely magnificence, where the primitive hiyalty of the 
 Scottish mountaineer is still as pure as the air which he inhales. 
 Througho\it by far the greater part of these rich and mighty realms 
 we nothing question the loyal affection and reverence of our fellow- 
 subjects are as deep and as secure — but the tidings of these things 
 cannot fail to be heard with emotions of new wonder and new disgust, 
 amidst scenes, where the happiness and repose of a virtuous, high- 
 
 • In 1611, -when insanity had disqualified George III. from jrovernin? Great Britain, his 
 eldest son, tlie Prince of Wales, was appointed Kejjent, in which capacity he continued until 
 January, IS"2U, when he succeed«d to tlie throne, as George IV. — i\l. 
 
 t Something more than simple "rumor of disturbance" existed in the autumn of ]8I!>. 
 Public discontent largely existed, in consequence of the popular desire of Parliamentary 
 Reform. Public meetings, largely attended, took place in various parts of England and Scot 
 land. One, held at St. Peter's Place, Manchester, on tlie llith August, 1819, liad a tragical 
 termination. Henry Hunt, one of the popular leaders, attended, to harangue the multitude, 
 which included men, women, and even children. Tlie magistrates determined lo arrest Hunt 
 and his fe. low-leaders, and called in a body of armed Yeomanry cavalry to aid the police. An 
 affray took place. The Yeomanry attacked the unarmed and peaceable multitude, killing and 
 wounding many with their sabres. Hum and his friciuls were made prisoners, on a charge ol 
 high-treason, which was abandoned ; but they were tried and convicted of sedition Ani'ry 
 debates on what has since been called The Manchester Massacre, and The Peterloo Butchery, 
 took place in I'arliaraent, in which ministers (who had sent a torinal letter of thanks to tho 
 magistrates and Yeom.anry of .Manchester for their "prompt and spirited conduct,'") defended 
 vhat was done, and the result was that Parliament finally passed an Act of Indemnitv. to 
 protect the doers of this massacre, and also placed on the statute-hook six restrictive acts, — to 
 prevent seditious meetings, to prohibit training and arming, to check blasphemous am' 
 seditious writings, and to tax cheap periodical publications. Cobbett, at that time, was 
 selling his celebrated and influential Political Register at two-pence, — the new act imposed a 
 stamp-duty of four-pence upon each number. At the time that this article was written, not 
 later than the middle of August, 1819, the fatal alfray at Manchester could scarcely have i>een 
 known in Edinburgh. If it had, no doubt Christopher North would have beet) delighted to 
 praise the Manchester Yeomanry. — M.
 
 lis THE LAST DAT OF TIFE TENT. 
 
 spirit--»(l, and noble race, have never yet been disturb>^3, even by the 
 thought or the suspicion of any of those wild and vioijus theories, 
 which, ill most of the other districts of the empire, have now, we fear, 
 some prtiditjate advocates and some misorahle duocs. Mv Lords 
 and Gentlemen. — It is indeed high time that these things should cease 
 to be spoken of, with any ditlerence of language, by any conscientious 
 adherents of either of those great political parties, wliose existence as 
 such is perhaps a necessary consequence of the nature of our constitu- 
 tion, and a necessary mean of its preservation. It is high time that 
 thev whose education enables them to look at the troubles of tlie 
 present, through the clear, steady, and impartial medium of the past, 
 should see the necessity of combining, with head, heart, and hands, 
 to repress, with a decision in which there must be at least as much 
 of compassion as of justice, the encroachments of this frenzied spirit, 
 which has its only existence and support in the desperate dej)ravity 
 of a few pestilent demagogues — men alike bankrupts in fortune, 
 principle, and character — and in the rashness with which the ignorant 
 and the weak listen to the audacious brutality of their treason and 
 their blasphemy. 
 
 " Ours, gentlemen, is not the only country wherein ages of happi- 
 ness and loyalty have been suddenly disturbed by the plebeian 
 preachers of anarchy and confusion. The Woolers, the Watsons, the 
 Harrisons, the Wolseleys, the Burdetts, the Ilobhouses* — all have 
 had their prototypes, both in ancient and in modern times — and the 
 characters of all of them have been described, even to their minutest 
 shadings, by writers, with whom some of themselves must be not 
 imperfectly acquainted. Of all these, however, the importance seems 
 now to be on the wane — and the shout of vulgar acclamation waits' 
 only, in its utmost violence, upon one, whom, but a few short months 
 ago, the greater part even of these would have regarded with any 
 feelings rather than those of serious jealousy and anxious emulation. 
 Yet it is well that the choice of the rabble has at last fallen upon one 
 for whom even the rabble cannot long remain without contempt. 
 In their present demi-god these misnamed patriots have found a 
 leader, who answers, in all things, to the prophetic minuteness «if the 
 Roman historian's description, — Summce audacice — tc/eiis — -fartiosua : 
 
 •Radical leaders in 1819. Wooler was editor and publisher of a weekly paper called tliu 
 Yellow Dwarf, one peculiarity of which was. that, being himself a compositur. he tent up 
 without " copy,'' his mind and his rotnpoxing-slirle being at work together. Watson had been 
 tried for high-trea.«on, and acquitted; but, on a subsequent charge being made, found s-afety 
 in flight to the United t^tate.s. About Harrison 1 know nothing. !?ir Charles Wol.-cley waj 
 a baronet, with large landed estates in Stall'ordshire, who so strongly advocated I'arliament.iry ' 
 Reform, that he allowed himself to be returned, by a radical meeting at liirmingharn (which 
 was not directly represented until IWlW). as Legislative Attorney for that town, but actually 
 attempting to take Ins seat in I'arliament in that capacity, was arrested, indicted, tried, con- 
 Ticted. fined, and iinpri.-oned — all of whicli moderated his future political conduct. Sir Fran- 
 cis Uurdett clo.sed his liberal career by joining the Tory party, llobhouse, who came intt" 
 Parliament from Westminster as an extreme radical, settled down into a placenn^n, and is now 
 a peer. — \L
 
 HENRY nUNT. 1 10 
 
 .'uem ad per f urban Jam Rempuhlicam Inopia shn7il atque Mali Mores 
 \itimulaverunL There wants not one iota to complete the resem- 
 blance, except only some tincture of that n()l)Ie l)loorl which was 
 uever so debased and degraded as in the person of the Roviuti C'ata- 
 line — the total absence of which, however, and of all that it implies, 
 lends even a more odious air of abomination to the rough and unvar- 
 nished ferocity of his English rival.* 
 
 "When the poor are in distress, God forbid that they should not 
 share the pity, and feel the helping hand of their superiors. When 
 the poor and the ignorant are led asti'ay, God forbid that compas- 
 sion should not be the first and last feeling on the minds of men who 
 have enjoyed opportunities for reflection very different from those 
 wliich can be ailbrded to their weak and untrained spirits, amidst 
 their only leisure, the idleness of calamity. But God forbid, also, 
 and the prayer we would fear is more a necessary than a frequent 
 one — that we should suffer ourselves, from any mistaken or misdi- 
 rected sympathies, to learn the lesson of regardmg, without a just and 
 unswerving feeling of abhorrence, the characters of those who make 
 their sport of the poverty, and their prey of the ignorance of the 
 vulgar. The worst of all the bad symptoms which meet our eyes, 
 in the narratives of the late melancholy transactions, is the daily in- 
 creasing urbanity of the terms in which the authors of all this evil 
 are spoken of by the compilers of these narratives. It is a sad thing 
 indeed, when the souls of those that are or ought to be enlightened, 
 betray, on such momentous crises as these, any stains of that dark- 
 ness which it is of right their vocation to dispel, and of which, above 
 all things, it behoved them to have rejected and scorned the contam- 
 ination. Let there be no foolish gentleness toward those who fight 
 against all that is good — no mad courtesy for those who would de- 
 stroy all that is noble. Let all that have any claim to the name of 
 gentleman be anxious to keep their spirits pure from the very vestige 
 of this degradation. In this hour of darkness let all stand together. 
 In this hour of battle — for the word is not too strong in itself, nor 
 the less applicable, because the contest to which it refers is more one 
 
 • Henry Hunt, the person here alluded to, was a very popular demagogue for several years ; 
 but having sat in parliament in Ib3(J-'^l, was such a mere nobody ill tliat assembly, that his 
 constituents did not re-elect him. It is recorded that he made one hit in the House of Com- 
 mons. He was a man of considerable landed property, inherited from his ancestors, wlien he 
 entered public life, but "the broad acres" had gradually slipped tljrough his fingers, and he 
 entered into business for a livelihood, first as a brewer, and afterwards as a vender ot burnt 
 corn (or an untaxed substitute for cofl'ee, and called " Hunt's Breakfast Powder.) and then as 
 a manufacturer of Blacking. William Peel brother-in-law to Sir Robert, was in Parliament 
 when Hunt sat tliere. The Peel family, although possessing immense wealth, made as man- 
 ufacturers, had sprung from nothing — as far as " birth" was concerned. Peel alluded, some- 
 what rudely, to Hunt's blacking, insinuating that Hunt was not a gentleman. The reply 
 ■was brief and sulficifnt. Hunt ro.^e, and fixing his eyes on Peel, said, "The honorable mem- 
 ber has alluded to my business, and spoke of the difl'erence of our respective stations. Let ma 
 tell him what that dilfL-rence is. I am the first of my family whoever was engaged in trade. 
 He isono of the first of his who could afford to lay cla m. from wealth only, to the rank of 
 g ntleiiiiui. " Hunt sat down, applauded on all sides, an 1 William Peel did not again pcovoka 
 Juui. — Al.
 
 120 THE LABT DAT OF THE TENT. 
 
 of principles than of men — in this hour of battle let us all rally 
 aroinid tliose old banners, whieh have for so many ages been our 
 guides to victory, and our ornaments in repose. 
 
 The Prince Regent." 
 
 We onght perhaps to beg our readers' pardon for the secminjr 
 vanity of recording this little address; but we feel assured that no 
 sueh apology will be necessary for inserting the words of a song, 
 with which our friend Mr. Wastle was good enough to preface tlie 
 next toast on our list. It is needless to add, that this was the health 
 and prosperity of our lioyal Guest. 
 
 SONG, BY MR. WASTLE, 
 
 On Proposing the Health of 11. R. H. Peixce Leopold. 
 
 L 
 
 Look, ob ! look from the Bower — 'tis the beautiful hour 
 
 When the snnbeiiins are broad ere tliey sink iu tlie sea ; 
 Look, oh ! look from the Bowei — for siu jiniethyst shower 
 
 Of grandeur and glory is gemming the Dee ; 
 While the mountains arise more sublime in the skies, 
 
 'Mid that lustre of mildness, majestic and clear, 
 And the face of the land seems in smiles to expand — 
 
 Surely Nature proclaims that a Festival's here. 
 
 IL 
 
 Let your goblets be crowned like the sky and the ground. 
 
 With a light that is bright as their purple may be ; 
 Let your goblet* be crowned, like all Nature around, 
 
 To welcome our Prince in tiie vale of the Dee. 
 Fill, fill ye with wine, fill your goblets like mine. 
 
 Till the rich foam be ready to gush o'./r tl)e biim. 
 And let thoughts, sad and liigh, 'mid your raptures be by. 
 
 While the stream of devotion flows radiant for Him. 
 
 III. 
 What though rarely the sod of Green .Mbyn be trod 
 
 By the feet of a Prince — Nay, though ages have sped 
 Since the eye of a King lias adventured to fling 
 
 One beam on these hills where his fathers were bred;* 
 Like the flower of the North, which, when winter comes forth 
 
 Blooms secure and unseen, 'neath her garment of suow — 
 So our Faith, undefiled, is still fresh in the wild. 
 
 Amidst chillness to bud, and m darkness to blow. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Oh ! glad was the day when her snow fell away. 
 And the softness of spring again mantled lier sky; 
 
 And her beauty shone out with the old Scottish shout, 
 That proclaimed to our mountains the Saxou was nigh. 
 
 • In August, 1822, Scotland -was visited by George IV., who had gone to Ireland and Hano- 
 ver in the preceding autumn. — M.
 
 nOGG's SONG. 121 
 
 Not the less wc adore tbe Red Lion of yore, 
 
 Tliiit aloiio (HI tlie Seutdit'iiii uf AUn'ii w;is soon, 
 Because Eiij^liiiid and Erin are mixed in the bearing, 
 
 And the shield where the dark bend is wi'ealhed with the green. 
 
 V. 
 
 With our loyalty's gladness, some breathings of sadness 
 
 Have been heard — and our smiles have been mixed with a tear- 
 But perhaps tlie warm heai't but eiinnbles its j)ait, 
 
 Wlien in Sympathy's guise it bids Homage ap[iear. 
 Take nur lieaits as they aie 'mid the heatlis of JJi aeinar, 
 
 And remember, when deep flows the d.iik purple wine, 
 That the Hill and the (ilen would be proud ouee again, 
 
 To pour for their Princes the blood of their line. 
 
 Wc must not repeat the handsome terms in which lhan]<s were re- 
 turned for our own speech and the song of our friend — suffice it to say, 
 that, after a most animated conversation of a political east had been 
 sustained for some time by several ingenious and ardent interlocu- 
 tors, the Thane of Fife rose (the occasion was on his own health 
 being proposed from the chair), and hinted, in his usual elegance of 
 style and m;mner, that the illustrious Prince who had condescended 
 to become our visitor, would be fully more gratified should we 
 thenceforth dismiss these topics — which, however treated, could not 
 fail to have somelhing of a formal air and effect — and resume in full 
 and entire freedom our own usual strain of amusement. In short, 
 his Lordship as well as the Prince wished to see the doings of the 
 Tent in their own simple and unsophisticated essence. 
 
 We lost no time in obeying this hint — and by way of breaking the 
 ice for a descent into the regions of perfect mirth and jollity, we 
 called on the Ettrick Shepherd to sing, with the accompaniment of 
 the bag-pipe, one of those wild and pathetic ballads of which his 
 genius has been so creative. Those who have had the pleasure of 
 being in company with the Shepherd, know full well what deep and 
 gentle pathos, and, at the same time, what light and playful graceful- 
 ness, are to be found in the notes of his unrivalled voice, and will not 
 need to be told what eflect he produced upon the whole company, by 
 the following exquisite strain ! 
 
 I PITY YOU, YE STARS SO BRIGHT, <tc. 
 
 I Pixy you, ye stars so bright 
 That shine so sweetly all the night, 
 Beaming ever eoldly down 
 On rock and river, tower and town, 
 yhiuing so lonely. 
 
 I pity yon, ye stars so bright. 
 That shine so sweetly all the night, 
 With your rays of endless glee, 
 On the wide and silent sea, 
 
 Shiulug so lonely.
 
 J 95 TUK LAST DAY OF THE TENT. 
 
 I pilv vou, ve stars' 8i> bn-,'!!! — 
 Whiif 'I'm with Anna all tbe ui^bt, 
 Tliru" ibe cvld blue bky ye rove, 
 Straii^'trs to njKise ami love, 
 
 Sbiniug so louely. 
 
 I pity you, ye stars so bright, 
 Aii-iAriim j>ities you to-night, 
 Whiit 11 weury way youve been 
 Siuce you first balmy kiss yestreen, 
 siiiiiiujj so louely 1 
 
 This R<.»iig was succeeded by a round of toasts, of which our memory 
 has prescrvid only the following, viz : — 
 
 I. The Author «>f Waverley— by Priuce Leopold. 
 
 • Mr. Ali*<>u— bv Mr. Wustle. 
 
 8. The Hi-hop of'SL Davids, tbe uuwearied and eulightened friend of Wales— 
 bv Dr. M'-rrift. 
 '4. l*n..fc»«>..r John Youug, of Glasijow, tbe great Grecian of Scotland — by Dr 
 
 P»rr. 
 
 6. Hie Iti^rht Hou. Robert Peel, tlie Member for Oxford— by Mr. Seward. 
 
 6. ChaiUy Uushe, the most admirable Judge, the most eloqueut speaker — and 
 iLe ^ll<•^t delightful cMiipaiiion in Irelainl — by Mi-. Odolierty. 
 
 7. Mr. Davi*.>n, of Oriel, tiie star of Isis — by Mr. Buller. 
 
 8. The Kev. Knuieis NVran(;li«m, the star of Cam. — by the Editor. 
 
 9. The yung Duke of Uueeieugh — aud may be live to be as great a blessing to 
 Ettrick AH his fatlier — by the Sliepherd. 
 
 lu. CouusvUor Ellis — by Mr. Tickler. 
 
 II. Lurd Byron— by Dr. Sett. 
 
 I'J. Dr. Chahiu-rs — by liaiUie Jarvie. 
 
 13. ilr. Johu Keinlile — by -Mr. John Ballantyne. 
 
 14. Tbe Earl of Fife (to wlmse turn tbe toast, by some accident, was lorg of 
 Coming niuud) paid us the elegaut and classical com ()limeut of proposing tbe 
 heullh of our exeelleut I'ublishei-s, Messre. Blackwood, Cadell, and Davies* — three 
 time* iLret — to which (need we add t) tbe whole of the company gladly assented. 
 
 Dr. I'arr was the first to hint his wish for another song — and 
 called Inudly uj'oii Bailor of Brazeiinose, who, after a little hesita- 
 tion, took courage, and told the Doctor if he had no objection he 
 Would [I'wc him an tdd O.\ford strain. "By all means, you dog,"' 
 (juutli the Bclleiidciiian — "1 remember the day when 1 could sing 
 half the Suusagef myself." 
 
 THE FRIAR^S FAREWELL TO OXFORD. 
 
 To I fie Tune 0/ ''Green Sleeves." 
 
 1. 
 
 T OTHCB night, as I passed by old Anthony -wood, 
 I saw Father Green lu a sorrowful mood — 
 A»triiJe on a stone, beside Mjigdalene gate, 
 lie lamented o'er Oxfords degenerate state ; 
 
 m 
 
 • CmitW tod Dariei w«r* the London apenU for the sale of Blaclnoood.—M. 
 
 t A collection ofkongi, chantt, and other college versicles, entitled "The Oxfora Sau- 
 •ajt A likeeuliection, ciMwbere, ii " The Cambridge Tart." — M.
 
 THE FKIAE S FAUEWELL. 123 
 
 The beor be bad swallowed liad opened his heart. 
 And 'twas thus to the winds he his woes did impart. 
 With a heigh Iio ! »tc 
 
 2. 
 
 "Oh, Oxford ! I leave tliee — and can it be true ? 
 I accept of a living ? I bid tiiee adieu ? 
 Tliou scene of my raptui-e, in life's early morn, 
 Ere one pile of soft lauibakin my back did adorn — 
 When sorrows came rarely, and pleiisurea came thick, 
 And my utmost distress was a hmg-standing tick. 
 With a heigh bo ! Ac. 
 
 3. 
 
 "Oh I the joys of the moderns are empty and vain, 
 When compared with our mornings in Logical-lane; 
 There seated securely, no Dun did we fear, 
 Tommy Horseman bopped round with bis flagons of beer 
 With cow-heel and tripe we our bellies did cram, 
 And for Proctors and Beadles we cared not a damn. 
 Witli a heigh bo ! Ac. 
 
 4. 
 
 " In the alehouse at evening these joys we renewed — 
 When our pockets were empty our credit was good ; 
 Tho' serawlings of chalk spread each sniokified wall, 
 Not a fear for the futui'e our souls could appal. 
 What tho' Sanctified Hall at our doctrines may scoflf? 
 Yet enough for the day is the evil thereof. 
 
 With a heigh ho ! Ac. 
 
 5. 
 
 "All encircled with fumes of the mild curling shag. 
 We derided the toils of the book-plodding fag : 
 For careless was then every puff we did suck in, 
 And unknown in the schools were the terrors of plucking. 
 "So Examiners, then, thought of working us harm, 
 A beef-steak and a bottle their wrath could disarm. 
 With a heigh ho ! Ac. 
 
 6. 
 
 " Good beer is discarded for claret and port, 
 Logic-lane is no hjnger the Muse's resort — 
 The cold band of Chronos has reft Dinah's bloom, 
 And tobacco is banished from each common-room. 
 And the days I have seen they shall ne'er come again — 
 So adieu to old Oxford" — I answered, amen 1 
 With a heigh ho ! Ac. 
 
 The pleasure we all testified on hearing this genuine academical 
 strain, which, as Dr. Parr observed, was " enough to transport one 
 to the very pinnacle of Maudlin" (we suppose he meant one of the 
 Oxford Colleges which goes by the name of Magdalen College, orally 
 corrupted as above), encouraged Mr. Seward to comply with Buller's 
 request, who tossed the ball to his friend on this occasion with a
 
 IS 
 
 sin 
 \ 
 
 124 THE LAST DAT OF THE TENT. 
 
 plain insinuation, that the former story of his not being able to sing 
 was all mere fudge. The Clirist-Church man, whose proper designa- 
 tion we understand (for he has nut yet taken his bachelor's degree), 
 "s that of a sop/tishi (jeneralis, said, that he was the more inclined to 
 iing a particular set of verses, because the present company would 
 .)e able at once to appreciate their merit, they being a parody on one 
 of the songs in the Lady of the Lake, composed by an eminent uni- 
 versity wit, in honor of a late occurrence, which he declined ex- 
 plaining at greater length. 
 
 80XG — Sung by General Sopuist Seward of Christ- Church. 
 
 To the Tune of " Rhoderick Dhu." 
 
 Hail ti the inaideu that graceful advances I 
 
 'Tis the Helen of Isis if right I divine. 
 Eros ! thou chissical god of soft ghuices, 
 
 Teach me to ogle and make the nymph mine. 
 L<K)k on a tutor true, 
 Ellen ! for love of you 
 Just metamorphosed from blacksmith to beaiu 
 Hair combed, and breeches new, 
 Grace your trim Roderick Dhu — 
 While everj- gownsniau cries, wondering, " Ho I bo 1" 
 
 In Greek I believe I must utter my passion, 
 For Greek's more familiar than English to me ; 
 
 Besides, Byron of late has brought Greek into fashion 
 
 There's some in his '• Fair Maid of Athens" — Let's see— 
 
 Pslia ! this vile modern Greek 
 
 Won't do for me to speak 
 
 Let me try — "Ldt), fniaac ayancj 1 
 
 Zooks ! I don't like its tone : 
 
 Now let me try my own — 
 KATGI MET, EAENH, 20Y TAP EPQ I 
 
 But, ba ! there's a young Christ-church prig that I plucked once! 
 
 1 fear he 11 make love to her out of mere spite ; 
 Ha ! twirl thy cap, and look proud of thv luck, dunce, 
 But Greek will prevail over ffri7is, if I'm rio-ht 
 
 By Dis ! the infernal God ! 
 
 See, see ! they grin ! they nod ! 
 Q fioi Sv^-ifvu ! a Ta?.ac eyu I 
 
 Z<junds ! should my faithless flame 
 
 Love this young Malcom Grieme, 
 "Orarot ! roraroi 1 ^ev I nonoi ! Q ! 
 
 But come ! there's one rival I don't see about her 
 
 1 mean the spruce tutor, her townsman Fitziam'es; 
 For though of the two I believe I'm the stouter. 
 His legs are much neater, much older bis claims 
 
 1 et every Christ-church blade 
 
 Swears I have won the maid ; 
 Every one, Dean and Don, swears it is so 
 
 Honest Lloyd blunt and blufl^ 
 
 Levett, and Ooodenough— 
 All ckp mj back aqd cry, " Rhodcrick's her beau 1"
 
 ODOHERTY S SONG. 125 
 
 Come, then, your iufluence propitious be shedding, 
 
 Gnomes of Greek metro 1 siuce erowued are my hopes ; 
 "Waltz iu Trochaic time, waltz at my wedding, 
 Nymphs who preside over accents and tropes ! 
 
 Scourge of false quantities, 
 
 Ghost of Hephsestiou I'ise, 
 Haply to thee my success I may owe. 
 
 Sound then the Doric string, 
 
 All, all in chorus sing, 
 Joy to Hephsestion, black Rhoderick <fe Co. 
 
 By this time the Shepherd began to get very weary of the claret, 
 and insisted upon being allowed to make a little whisky toddy in a 
 noggin for himself. We always humor, as far as prudence will j)er- 
 mit, the whims of our Contributors, however they may be at variance 
 with our own private taste and judgment, so we at once granted our 
 permission to Mr. Hogg, and a proud man was he, when, after his 
 toddy was fairly made, the Prince and the Thane both requested a 
 tasting of it. " Od," cried he, " I wad gie your Royal Highness 
 and Lordship every drap o't, an' it were melted diamonds — but I'm 
 sure you'll no like it — we maun hae a sang frae the Captain, and that 
 will gar ony thing gang down." Odoherty could not withstand this 
 flattery, and at once favored us with the following, of which both 
 words and music are his own. 
 
 SONG — " That I love thee, charming Maid,'''' to its own Tune. 
 By MoEGAN Odoherty, Esq. 
 
 That I love thee, charming maid, I a thousand times have said, 
 
 And a thousand times more I have sworn it, 
 But 'tis eaby to be seen in the coldness of your mien 
 
 That you doubt my afifection — or scorn it. 
 
 Ah me! 
 
 Ifot a single pile of sense is in the whole of these pretenses 
 
 For rejecting your lover's petitions ; 
 Had I windows in my bosom, Oh ! how gladly I'd expose 'em 
 
 To undo your phantastic suspicions. 
 
 Ah me 1 
 
 You repeat I've known you long, and you hint I do you 'wrong 
 
 In beginning so late to pursue ye, 
 But 'tis folly to look glum because people did not come 
 
 Up the stairs of your nursery to woo ye. 
 
 Ah me! 
 
 In a grapery one walks without looking at the stalks, 
 
 Wliile the bunches are green that they're beai'ing — 
 All the pretty little leaves that are dangling at the eavea 
 
 Scarce attract even a moment of staring. 
 
 Ah me 1
 
 126 THE LAST DAT OF THE TENT. 
 
 But vchon time lui3 pwell'd the grapes to a richer style of shapes, 
 
 Anil the euti hiu< leut warmth to their blushes, 
 Tlien to clieer us and to ghidden, to enchant us and to madden, 
 
 Is tJie ripe ruddv glory tJiat rushes. 
 
 ' • ° ' Ah me! 
 
 Oh 'tis then that mortals pant, while they gaze on Bacchus' plant — 
 
 Oh ! 'tis then — will my simile serve ye If 
 Should a diimsfl fair repiue, tho' neglected like a vine ? 
 
 Both ere long shall turn heads topsy-turvy. 
 
 Ah me 1 
 
 We had scarcely finished the speech, in which we proposed the 
 health of the Standard-bearer, when our eye dropt upon the phy- 
 siognomy of the Bishop of Bristol, evidently in a fit of deep abstrac- 
 tion, li is broad forehead was drawn down into his face with a com- 
 plexity of deep mdented furrows ; his under lip was lifted close to his 
 nostrils ; and his eyes were dilated like those of Parasina in the 
 Judgment Hall, resting with the gaze of a Newton upon some invisi- 
 ole I'oint in the vacant air around him. From what delightful or 
 droadtul dream our laugh (for we could not repress it), withdrew 
 ihe wondering phantasy of the illustrious Bishop, we cannot pretend 
 to offer any conjecture. " I'm not absent, nae mair nor yoursel, Mr. 
 Chairman," were the first words he uttered. " I was only just casting 
 aliout for a verse or two that I cannot remember, of a sang that I was 
 thinking to offer you — I canno bring them up, however — but no 
 matter, there's a gay twa-three as it is." The Bishop's voliniteer 
 was greeted with tremendous acclamation ; and — having hummrd the 
 air for about a minute, and ordered us all to join the chorus — in a 
 low [daintive voice, broken, without doubt, by the intensity of many 
 j)ainful recollections, he thus began, 
 
 CAPTAIN PATOn's LAMENT.* 
 .By James Scott, Bxq, 
 
 1. 
 
 Toucn once more a sober measure, | and let punch and tears be shed, 
 For a prince of good old fellows, j that, alack a-day ! is dead ; 
 Fir a prince of worthy fellows, | and a pretty man also. 
 That has left the Saltmarket | in sorrow, grief, and woe. 
 
 Oh ! we ueer shall see the like of Captain Paton no mo 1 
 
 2. 
 Ilis wai-tcont coat, and breeches, | were all cut off the same web, 
 Of u ljeai;ui'.U enulf-color, | or a niodest genty drab ; 
 The b'ui stripe in his stocking | round his neat slim leg did go. 
 And his ruflles of the Cambric fine | they were whiter than the snow. 
 Oh ! we ne'er shall see the like of Captain Paton no mo I 
 
 • Ca.pt«in Faton'i Lament, which has been a popular song in Scotland since it first was 
 «tiaotcil in the Tciil, wa» written by Mr. Loc-kliarl. — M.
 
 THE bishop's ciiajs^t. 127 
 
 3. 
 His hair was curled in order, | at the rising of the sun, 
 In comely rows and buckles smart | Ihat about his ears did run ; 
 And before there was a toupet" | that some inches up did grow. 
 And behind there was a loug queue | that did o'er his shoulders flow. 
 Oh ! we ne'er shall see the hke of Captain Paton no nio I 
 
 4. 
 And whenever we foregathered, he took off his wee three-cockit. 
 And he proffered you his snuff-box, which he drew from his side pocket, 
 And on Burdett or Bonaparte, h^ would make a remai'k or so, 
 And then along the plaiustones like a provost he would go. 
 Oh ! we ue'er shall see the like of Captaiu Paton no mo ! 
 
 5. 
 
 In dirty days he picked well | his footsteps with his rattan. 
 Oh ! you ne'er could see ihe least speck | on the shoes of Captaiu Patou 
 And on entering the Coffee-room | about two, all men did know, 
 They would see him with his Courier | in the middle of the row. 
 Oh ! we ne'er shall see the like of Captain Paton no mo ! 
 
 6. 
 
 Now and then upon a Sunday | he invited me fo dine. 
 On a heri'iug and a mutton-chop | which his maid dressed very fine: 
 There was also a little Malmsey, and a bottle of Bourdeaux, 
 Which between me and the Captaiu passed nimbly to and fro. 
 Oh I I ne'er shall take pot-luck with Captaiu Paton no mo ! 
 
 7. 
 Or if a bowl was mentioned, the Captain he would ring, 
 And bid Nelly run to the West-port, and a stoup of water bring ; 
 Then would he mix the genuiue stuff, as they made it long ago, 
 With limes that on his property in Trinidad did grow. 
 
 Oh ! we ne'er shall taste the like of Captain Paton's punch no mo I 
 
 8. 
 
 And then all the time he would discourse | so sensible and courteous, 
 Perhitps talking of the last sermon | he had heard from Dr. Porteoua, 
 Or some little bit of scandal | about Mrs so and so, 
 Which he scarce could ei-edit, having heard | the con but not the pro. 
 Oh ! we ue'er shall hear the like of Captaiu Paton no mo I 
 
 9. 
 
 Or when the candles were brought forth, and the uight was fairly setting in, 
 He would tell some fiue old stories about Miuden-field or Dettiugeu — 
 How he fought with a French major, and despatched him at a blow, 
 While his blood ran out like water on the soft grass below. 
 Oh 1 we ue'er shall hear the like of Captain Paton uo mo 1 
 
 10. 
 
 But at last the Captain sickened | and grew worse from day to day, 
 And all missed him in the Coffee-room | from which now he stayed away ; 
 On Sabbaths, too, the Wee Kirk | made a melancholy show, 
 All for wautinar of the presence ] of oui- venerable beau. 
 
 Oh 1 we ne'er shall see the like of Captain Paton no mo I
 
 128 THE LAST DAY OF THE TENT. 
 
 11. 
 AuJ in spite of all that Clegliorn j and Coikindale could do, 
 It was pliiiii, from twenty syniptoms | that death was in his view, 
 So the Captain made his lek'nicut, and submitted tu his foe, 
 And we laved him by the Kams-h.nu-kiik— tis the way we all must go. 
 Oh ! we ue'er ehidl see the like of Captain Paton no mo ! 
 
 12. 
 Join all in chorus, jolly boys, and let punch and tears be shed, 
 For this prince of ^'ooil old fe lows, that alack a-day ! is dead; 
 For this prince of wortliy fellows, and a pretty man also, 
 That has left the Saltmarket iu sorrow, grief, and woe ! 
 For it ne'er shall see the like of Captain Paton no mo I 
 
 At the coiH-lusiun of this song, which, to those who know the 
 voice, taste, and execution of the gentleman who sung it, we need not 
 say gave general delight, Prince Leopold, who had attentively 
 listened to it with the most gracious smile, arose, and saying, " that 
 it w;vs wise fur friends to part in a mirthful moment," with the 
 utmost benignity bade us all farewell. At this very moment, Mr. 
 Tims (who was long ere now as bowsy as a fly in a plate of 
 '' quassia,") jumped upon his chair in order to attract our notice, and 
 insisted upon singing "Scots wha hae wi' Wallace bled;" but the 
 She[)herd frowned with such a deadly darkness at the suggestion, that 
 ♦ he Cockney lost not a moment in resuming his former posture. 
 " Aye, aye, that's richt," said the Shepherd, " saufus only to think o' 
 liOBERT TUE BuucE actcd by Tims !" 
 
 As our Illustrious Visitor and his Noble Friends withdrew, the 
 pipes sUtwIy and solemnly played " Farewell to Lochaber ;" and our 
 Tent seemed, at their departure, quite melancholy and forlorn. We 
 soon retired to repuse, but not to sleep; for ail night long the High- 
 land host kept playing their martial or mournful tunes, and the voices 
 of distant ages seemed, in the solitary silence of the midnight desert, 
 restored to the world of life. We felt, that with such a glorious day 
 our reign in the Highlands nobly terminated, and we gave orders hy 
 sunrise to strike the Tent, exclaiming, in the words of Milton, — 
 
 " To-MORROW FOR FRESH FIELDS AND PASTURES NEW."
 
 jLottcios Emliro^(an.ie» 
 
 NO. L— MARCH, 1822. 
 
 Christopher North, Esquire, solus. 
 Uater Ensign Morgan Odoherty. 
 
 Editor. I am glad to see you, Odoherty. I am heartily glad of 
 the interruption. I won't write any more to-night. — I'll be shot if I 
 write a word more. Ebony may jaw as he pleases. The Number 
 will do well enough as it is. If there is not enough, let him send his 
 devil into the Balaam-box.* 
 
 Odoherty. 1 have just arrived from London. 
 
 Editor. From London? — The Fleet, I suppose. How long have 
 you lain there 1 
 
 Odoherty. I have been out these three weeks. I suppose, for any 
 thing you would have advanced, I might have lain there till Kingdom- 
 come. 
 
 Editor. I can't advance money for ever, Adjutant. You have not 
 sent me one article these four months. 
 
 Odoherty. What sort of an article do you want ? — A poem ? 
 
 Editor. Poems ! There's poetry enough without paying you for 
 it. Have you seen ]\Iilman's new tragedy If 
 
 Oduherty. No ; but I saw the proofs of a puff upon it for the next 
 
 * The Balaam-box, which is repeatedly referred to in The Noctes, -was supposed to contain a 
 variety of articles, from voluntary contributors, as well as from the usual writers in the Maga- 
 zine. Mr. Blackwood received the sobriquet of Ebony fron:i a pun upon his name, which ori- 
 ginated in the "Chaldee Manuscript," where he was spoken of a man whose " name was as 
 it had been the color of ebony." — M. 
 
 t " The Martyr of Antioch. a dramatic poem, by the Rev. H. H. Milman," was published by 
 John Murray, of London, in March, ls2'2. At that time Milman was Professor of i'oetry in tlie 
 University of Oxford, lie had written a prize poem when he was an under-praduate. In HI7 
 he produced the tragedy of "' Fazio," in wiiich Miss O'Neill sustained the part of the heroine. 
 This play retains its place in the Acted Drama. " Samor, Lord of the Bright City." a heroic 
 poern in twelve books, appeared in IblS. '"The Fall of Jerusalem." and •' Anna Boleyne." 
 were followed by ''The Ma'-tyr of Antioch" and '' Belshazzar." Milman has contribur.ej 
 largely to the Quarterly Review, edited (jibbon's Decline and Fall, and written a Hi;>tory of 
 the Jews, and other serious works. He entered the Cliurch in 1817, had a good vicaraL'e at 
 Reading, whence he removed to the rectory at St. Margaret's (the church which adjoins West- 
 minster Abbey, partly concealing that stalely structure from view), and was appointed Dean 
 of St. Paul's in 1849. As a poet, Dr. Milman'* reputation is even now almost traditionary. 
 Of his dramatic works, ' Fazio" alone is known to the bulk of the present generation, and 
 that from its frequent representation on the stage. Dr. Milman isn<w[lij4] aged si.xty- 
 three. — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 11
 
 X30 NOCFES ^UIBR0SIA2I-E. 
 
 Quarterly. He's a clever fellow, but they cry him too high The 
 report goes, that he is to step into Giflbrd's shoes one of these clays« 
 
 EdU r. Tlmt acei.unts for the puffing ; but it will do a really clever 
 fellow, like Milinaii, no good. , , , a- 
 
 Odohertij. It will, Mr. North. I know nobody that puffs more 
 histily tliaii yourself now and then. What made you pufl Procterf 
 
 so nuieh at first ? . i /. 
 
 Editor. It was you that pufTed him. It was an article of your 
 
 own. Ensign. 
 
 Oduher),!. By Mahomet's mustard-pot, I've written so maich, 1 
 don't remember half the things I've done in your own lubberly Mag- 
 azine, and elsewhere. At one time I wrote all Day and Martm's 
 poetry. They were grateful. They kept the whole mess of the 44th 
 in blacking. 
 
 Editor. Then you wrote the World, did not you ? 
 
 Odnhertij. I never heard of such a thing. They've been quizzing 
 you, old bov. Impostors are a1)road. 
 
 Editor. Then somebody has been sporting Ailse colors about town. 
 
 Odoherty. Like enough. Set a thief to catch a thief. 
 
 Editor. You've been writing in Colburn, they say, Master ]\Ior- 
 gan ? 
 
 Oloherty. Not one line. The pretty boys have applied to me a 
 dozen times, but I never sent them any answer except once, and then 
 it w.-is an epigram on themselves. 
 
 Editor. Let's hear it. 
 
 Odoherty. Now, by Jupiter! I have forgotten the beginning of it. 
 I think it was something like this : — 
 
 Colburn, Campbell, and Co. -write rather bo so, 
 
 But atone fi)r't by puff and profession — 
 Every uionth gives us seope for the Pleasures of Hope, 
 
 But all ends in the Pains of Possession. 
 
 Editor. How do they get on ? Heavily, Ensign ] 
 Odoherty. D — heavily ! They lay out a cool hundred on adver- 
 tisements every month ; but Campbell does very little — at least so 
 it is to be hoped — and the Subs are no great shakes. J They have a 
 
 • Milroan would never hav? done justice to the Quarlerly Revftw; — "rr.s prose is deficient n 
 force and tenseness. The present l^ir John T. Coleridge, now one of the Judfies of the Queen's 
 B'nch in Kneland, edited the (^aarterly in the brief interval between Giflbrd's retirement and 
 l^fK-ktiitrl's acce^^ion. — .M. 
 
 1 I'rooier, who was Byron's schoolfellow at Harrow, assumed the nom de plume of Barry 
 Curnwall, when he published his first volume of Dramatic Sketches, in 1M:5. He wrote a 
 lM_^ly called .Mirandola, played in \>->\, at Covent Garden Theatre. iMarcian Colonna, The 
 F.o,*d of Cheualy, a Life of Kdmund Kean (which was severely criticised in Blackwood), and 
 a variety of ■one, luany of which are admirable, complete the list of his writin'.'s— except ais 
 li:ii;azine articles, which have been collected in this country (but not yet in England), and 
 1 as hit •' Kssays and Tales in I'ro.se." As a song-writer, vigorous, yet delicate, in 
 
 1 r;.l expreit«ion. Procter has won a name " the world will not willingly let die." — M. 
 
 ; ....,: ell, the poet, edited Colburn's jVe/t' Moiilhfv Mngaiine, from L-iJi to 1^31, at £.'Jflrt 
 f»i anouui, with Msparatc payment, as a contributor! for all articles by himself. This im-
 
 LITERARY GOSSTT. 13 1 
 
 miserable set of bullaboos about them — broken-winded dominies 
 from the manufacturing districts, and so forth. Even Ilazlitt does 
 the drama better. 
 
 Editor. O, Hazlitt's a real fellow in his small way. He has moni 
 sense in his little finger, than many who laugh at him have in their 
 heads, but he is bothering too long at that table-talk. 
 
 Odolierty. Proper humbug ! 
 
 Editor. Did you see any of the Cockneys? What's the gossip 
 about Murray's, Ridgeway's,* and so forth ? Did you make a tour 
 of the shops ? 
 
 Odoheriy. Of course — I went round them all with a bundle of 
 discarded articles you gave me to line my trunk with, when I went 
 to the moors last year. I passed myself off for a country clergyman, 
 wanting to publish a series of essays. I said I had a wife and seven 
 small children. 
 
 Editor. You have some tolerably big ones, I believe. 
 
 Odolierty. Which you never will have, old boy. The booksellers 
 are a very civil set of fellows : Murray took me into a room by my- 
 self, and told me of the row between him and the Divan. 
 
 Editor. What row 1 and with whom ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, they call Murray Emperor of the West, and 
 Longman and Company the Divan. They've fillen out about 
 Mother Rundell's book upon cookery. I told Kitchener the next 
 day, that I thought his own book as good a one.f 
 
 Editor. Shameless fellow ! Don't you remember how you cut it 
 up ? I wonder you could look the doctor in the face. 
 
 Odoherty. By jing ! he thought I was a doctor myself I had a 
 black rose in my hat, and talked very wisely about the famous mis- 
 take touching a Mr. Winton of Chelsea. I'll tell you about that, too, 
 some other time.J 
 
 mense payment, in fact, was for his name. The Magazine was actually edited by Cyrus Red- 
 ding (wnose later Recollections of Campbell and Beckford are full of interest and truth), and 
 tlie dramatic criticism was supplied, for many years, by T. N. Talfourd (afterwards one of the 
 Judges of the Court of Common Pleas in England), so well known, subsequently, as the author 
 of- Ion."— M. 
 
 * What Murray's, in Albemarle-street, was for Tory literati and politicians in London — a 
 pleasant lounging place, where public affairs, books, and personal gos.sip. supplied the conver- 
 sation — Ridgeway's, in Piccadilly, was for the Whigs. To this hour, both places retain th.s 
 distinctive character.— M. 
 
 t In Dr. Kitchener's " Cook's Oracle'' there was a boast, that every receipt in it had been 
 tried by the author — and his friends, might have been added, for he was right hospitable, in 
 his snug house close toFitzroy-Squ.\re, and was pleasantly addicted to giving charming dinner- 
 parties at which the numberof the guests was regulated on the classic rule, " Not less than the 
 Graces, nor more than the Muses." At these entertainments, which Theodore Hook frequently 
 attended, judgment was solemnly passed upon the Doctor's gastronomic inventions or im- 
 provements since the last repast. Sometinnes. it is true, opinions would be balanced (particu- 
 larly if the dinner was very good, and the party very agreeable), and the Doctor would then 
 invite the same party for that dav week, in order to give the culinary treasure another trial. 
 All his receipts were treasures— if his own report were to be credited. He was a clever, well- 
 informed man, who gracefully rode his hobbies— all but one. lie liad invented a digestive 
 pill, 'yclept the Perisaltic Persuader, and sometimes would insist on coaxing his guests into 
 awallowing one or two before dinner I — M. ^ ■ x, a 
 
 X The story mjver was told in Blackwood, and is too good to be lost : — Dr. Tomline nad
 
 132 NOCTES AMUROSIAJf.E. 
 
 Editor. The Bishop's first two volumes are not quite the potato. 
 1 hope the others are better. 
 
 Odoherty. Who cares ? I shall never read them. Have you seen 
 Horace Walpt)le's ^Memoirs ? 
 
 Editor. I have. A most charming book. A most malicious, 
 prviiiiT, h ing old fox.* What a jtritne contributor he would have 
 ,„;i,le':— but, to be sure, he was a Whig. 
 
 Od'ihertif. So am I. For that matter, half your best contributors 
 art' Wliig«, I take it. 
 
 Editor. Mum, for that. Ensign. But, at least, I have nothing to 
 do with the Scotch Kangaroo Canaille. 
 
 Odohertif. They have nothing to do with you. you mean to say. 
 
 Editor. They're a dirty, dull, detestable set. I hate them all — I 
 despise them all — except little Jeffrey. 
 
 Odoherty. He's a clever chap, certainly, — I have not given him a 
 dressing these two years ; I shall give you a song upon him one of 
 those days. 
 
 Editor. Do. What's afoot among the Tumbledowns ? 
 
 Odohertij. The Holland House gentry are chuckling very much 
 over a little tit-bit of blasphemy, sent over by a certain learned Lord 
 from Italy, — 'tis call'd the " Irish Advent," — 'tis a base parody on 
 the Advent of our Saviour, — 'tis circulated widely among the same 
 Thebans who blarneyed about Hogg's Chaldee.f 
 
 been Colleje tutor, at Cambridfre, to William Pitt, was made Bishop of Lincoln by him, and 
 in lp"2(l, was translated to the wealthy See of Winchester. He had lonij been preparing a Lite 
 of t'itt, and in ls21, wrote briefly to Murray, to ask whether he would publish it, and on what 
 terms. Enfrlish Bishop.s sign with the Latin names of their respective sees instead of 
 their >-wn surnames. The letter to Murray was dated '"Chelsea," where the Bishop had a 
 suburban dwelling, and was signed Geo. Winton — in contraction of Georgius Wintonensis, 
 which would have been his full Latinized signature, as Bishop of Winchester. It happened 
 that Murray was ignorant of this, and considering it a great liberty for an utter strangei to 
 write a three-line letter to him. sent a sharp reply to the effect, that " Air. Murray had received 
 Mr. George Winton's note, and declined the proposed publication" Presently, Mr. Croker, (of 
 the Admiralty ), came in, and .Murray, whose dignity continued to be slightly rutHed, threw the 
 unfortunate •' Winton," epistle across the table to him. " The very hook,"' said Croker, *• and 
 the very man to write it." Murray, in amaze, demanded an explanation, and Croker answered, 
 "The Bi^hop of Winchester was Pitt's tutor, private secretary, correspondent, friend, and 
 literary executor." '• My dear fellow," said Murray, " what has the Bishop of Winchester to 
 do with that letter?" Croker explained the matter of the Episcopal signature. " Bless me,"' 
 (aid Murray, "I thougnt it was some Grub-street compiler, and wrote him a stiff and saucy 
 answer. I hope it has not been posted." On inquiry, it was found that the letter had already 
 been taken, with others, to the Two-penny Post-oltice. With some ditticulty, Freeling, the 
 Secretary of the General Post-office, allowed Murray to cet back the letter, in place of which 
 he »ent a very courtly epistle, offering to wait on the Bishop, and so on. The result was 
 the publication of the first part, in two volumes, of Tomline's Life of William Pitt. A thir.l 
 7olume did not complete the work, which it was understood that the Bishop was busy on up to 
 h.< death, in ls27. The bio'/raphy was large and dull. The best of the "'Winton" joke was 
 tliat Croker, who knew the Bishop, and spared no one, told it to his Lordship, who let Murray 
 know, once or twice that he was in the secret. — M. 
 
 • Uom-e WalpoleV .Memoirs and Correspondence, to say nothing of his other writings, show 
 •xtraordinarr industry, lively wit, close oiservation, and sly satire. They give on the whole 
 more ol political literary, fashionable, ar.istical, and scandalous gossip during the last sixty 
 Tears of the Eighteenth Century, than we have yet received. Walpole became Earl of Orforl 
 bjr luccei^ion, in 1791, but never took his seat in the House of Lords. He died in 17'J7. in his 
 • ipht'eth year — M. 
 
 t The poem alluded to, wag "The Iri^h Avatar," written in September. 1821 , on the visit 
 which George IV. had paid to Ireland, in the preceding August. Byrvm, who was shocked ut
 
 THE MAGAZINES. ]33 
 
 Editor. Hogrfs Chaklee ! — good. 
 
 Odoherty. You would notice the puffs about another thing, called 
 " the Royal Progress ;" — they say 'tis writ by Mrs. Morgan's ex- 
 chevalier ; and I can believe it, for it is equally dull and disloyal. 
 
 Editor. Are these all the news you have picked up? How do the 
 minor periodicals sell ? 
 
 Odoherty. Worse and worse. Taylor and Hessey are going down 
 like the devil.* Colburn pays like a hero, for what you would fling 
 into the fire. The copyright of the European was disposed of t'other 
 day for about IGOO/., back numbers, plates, and all included. 'Twas 
 about the best of them. 
 
 Editor. I hope old Sir Richard is thriving. 
 
 Odoherty. Capitally. He circulates between three and ft)ur thou- 
 sand ; and his advertisements are very profitable.f Why don't you 
 sport a little extra matter of cover 1 
 
 Editor. At present mine are mostly preserves. I'll enlarge them, 
 if you won't poach. 
 
 Odoherty. Depend on't, 'twill pay. 
 
 Editor. I hope Nicholas gets on. 
 
 Odoherty. Very fair. 'Tis the only Gentleman's Magazine besides 
 your own. J 
 
 Editor. What is that thing called the Gazette of Fashion ? 
 
 Odoherty. 'Tis a poor imitation of the Literary Gazette. Mr. 
 
 ■ ,11 they say, patronizes it ; but this can't be true, for it 
 
 attacks, very shamefully, tlie man ivlio did mu more good than any 
 body else ercr will he able to do him, here or hereafter. 
 
 Editor. Hercles' vein with a vengeance! You've been studying 
 the Eclectic, one would think. 
 
 tne enthusiasm with which the Irish Catholics received a monarch who had the power, but 
 la^iced the will, to give them Emancipation, headed his stanzas, which arestronp and stint;;ing, 
 with this motto, from Curran, "And Ireland, like a bastinadoed elephant, kneeling to receive 
 the paltry rider." The poem, which gracefully closes with complimentary notices of Grattan, 
 Curran, and Moore, was so personal on George IV., that it was not published in his life-time. 
 But Byron sent it to Moore, at Paris, and allowed him to have a dozen copies printed, for 
 
 firivate circulation. Some of these found their way to London, and were handed about, in 
 iterary society, until the poem became pretty generally known. It was first published, in 
 England, in 1^31.— M. 
 
 * After John Scott, the original editor of the London Magazine, was shot in a duel by Mr. 
 Christie, the periodical fell into the hands of Taylor and Ilessey of Fleet-sireet, very intelli- 
 gent publishers. Tlie duel (as will be more particularly stated in my Memoir of Lockhart, in 
 the piesent edition of The Noctes), arose from a quarrel which sprung out of some articles in 
 Blackwood. — M. 
 
 t Phillips was a bookseller, who had been one of the sherilts of London, and was knighted, 
 on presenting some city address to George IH. He was proprietor, publisher, and editor ol 
 the il/oH/A/;/ JH"g''72(rte. at one time a thriving periodical. The Eurnpenn Mnan^.ine gave a 
 variety of good engravings, (landscapes and public buildings, with very good portraits of 
 living characters'), and was long the property of Mr. Aspern, who published the letters of tho 
 famous John Wilkes. — M. 
 
 + The Gentleman's Magazine, commenced by Edmund Cave, early in the reign of George 
 II., flourishes in that of Victoria, under the editorship of the Rev. John Mitford. For nearly 
 half a century, it was conducted by John Nichols, an able writer on literary and antiriuartan 
 subjects. He died in 1828. — M. 
 
 li I am unable '.o say what peison is here alluded to. — M.
 
 131 NOCTES AMBR0SIANJ2. 
 
 Odoherlt,. Tlic Eclectic is not so poor an affair as you insinuate, 
 Mr. CliristopluT. Tho principal writers tip us a little of the Snr/Jle 
 an.i Whine— hut vou are up to that yourself, when it serves your 
 turn. Muntgoinery's articles are such as you would like very well 
 to lay your own fist upon, I fancy. 
 
 Editor. If Foster still writes in it, they have one of the first 
 thinkers in Enf^laiid beneath their banner.* I wish you would read 
 him, before you begin to write the auto-biography you've been talking 
 ubout these three years. 
 
 OJoherty. Coleridge's did not pay.f 
 
 Editor. But yours may, — nay, will, — must pay. I'll insure you 
 of 3000/. if you go to " the proper man." I intend to give him th<^ 
 first ofler (if "my own great work, — my Armenian Grammar, which 
 is now marly ready for press. 
 
 Ot/u/tfr/y. ' Your name will sell anything. Is there much personal- 
 ity in the notes? 
 
 ' Editor. 1 have cut up the commentators here and there. I have 
 fixed an indelible stigma on old Scioppius.J 
 
 Odohertij. I'll defv you to write a sermon without being personal. 
 
 Editor. \'\\ defy Dr. Chalmers to do that. He is deuced severe 
 on the Glasjiow Baillies and Professors ! I am told. 
 
 Odoherty. Do many clergymen contribute? 
 
 Editor. Droves. 
 
 Odoherty. What do the lads chiefly affect ? 
 
 Editor. Jocular topics. 'Twas an arch-deacon sent me the Irish 
 Melodies, which I know you have been owning everyw^here for your 
 own. ]| 
 
 Odoherty. I follow one great rule, — never to own anything that 
 is my own, nor deny anything that is not my own. 
 
 Editor. 'Tis the age of owning and disowning. It was a long while 
 ere I believed Hope to be Anastasius.§ 
 
 • John Foster, author of the " Essays" which have procured for him the reputation of being 
 one of thfl mo.-t original thinkers of his age, was a frequent contributor to the ErUetic 
 Rerine, then more deciJedly religious in its tone than at present. He died in 1813. James 
 Montgomery, the poet, was a casual contributor to the same periodical, and died in liiHi. The 
 Eritriir, which occasionally contains very able articles, is now edited by Dr. Thomas Pryse, 
 of I/onJon, who is its proprietor. — M. 
 
 t CuUridge's •' Biographia Literaria," was only a fragment, and not a very satisfactory one. 
 It w^nt through several editions in his life-time, and will always command a certain degree 
 ni attention. 
 
 } tjarp.-ir Scioppiue, a learned German, who wrote in the .seventeenth century, was calleij 
 " 'he gr&ininatiral cur," on account of his spiteful and injurious way of calumniating all who 
 • ere eiiiinent for their erudition. He was one of the class who, them;^elves not meriting nor 
 obtaining miccess. consider it unpardonable in others to be more deserving and fortunate. — M. 
 
 I A <erit> of Iribh Melodies, purporting to be sent by " Morly Macnamara Mulligan." oj 
 Dublin, but really written by .Maginn. and published, with music and words in Blackwood, 
 f-jf Iierember I'-'Jl. They were to have commenced a series, but only No. 1 appeared, contain- 
 ing aix iiii'loJieH — M 
 
 ( W hen •' Anaj.ta>iu!." first appeared, in 1&I9, it was reviewed, in rdntkirooil. as written bv 
 Lord Uyrun. The late Thomas Hope, whose previous literary publications, had been " Tno 
 Coilumrt of the Anci.nt.«," and " D'-signsof Modfrn Costumes," avowed himself the author, in 
 ■ brief letter which wau printed in Blackwood.— M.
 
 IN VINO. 135 
 
 Odohertij. It will be a long while ere I believe that Anastasius 
 •wrote those quartos about mahogany, I believe he might furnish the 
 wood, but, by Jericho, did he carve it at all 1 
 
 Editor. You are an incorrigible Irishman, Have you any news 
 from your country % It seems to me to be in a fine state, 
 
 Odolurtij. Why, for that matter, I think we are very common- 
 place in our national diversions. Sir William Chainbers complained 
 of nature being monotonous, for furnishing only earth, air, and 
 water. Blood and whisky may sum up all the amusements of the 
 Irish Whigs. — Burning, throat-cutting, shooting an old proctor or 
 policeman — that's all. They fight in a cowardly fashion. There's 
 my cousin, Tom Magrath, writes me he saw 500 of them run away 
 from about forty gentlemen. One of the chief stimulants the poor 
 devils have, is a prophecy of the papist Bishop Walmesley, (the same 
 that goes under the name of Pastorini,) that the Protestant church is 
 to be destroyed in 1825.* 
 
 Editor. Why, some few years ago, a godly squire in Ayrshire 
 here, published a thumping book, to prove that Bonaparte would 
 die in 1825, at the siege of Jerusalem. The year 1825 will be a rare 
 one when it comes. 
 
 Odoherti). These events will furnish fine materials for a new hour's 
 Tete-a-tete with the public.f 
 
 Editor. What a world of things will have happened ere 1825! 
 
 Odoherti/. You will be knocked up ere then. You talk about your 
 etomach — only see how little remains in the bottle ! 
 
 Editor. I had finished two ere you came in. I can never write 
 without a bottle beside me. Judge Blackstone followed the same 
 plan, he had always a bottle of port by him while he was at his 
 commentaries. When Addison was composing his Essay on the 
 Evidences, he used to walk up and down the long room in Holland 
 House — there was a table with the black strap at each end, and he 
 always turned up his little finger twice ere he had polished a sentence 
 to his mind. J — I believe he took brandy while he was doing the last 
 act of Cato. There is no good writing without one glass, 
 
 " Nemo bene potest scribere jejunus." 
 
 Odoherty. I prefer smoking, on the whole. But I have no objec 
 tion to a glass of punch along with it. It clears our mouth, 
 
 * The prophecy was : 
 
 " In the year eighteen hundred twenty-five, 
 There will not be a Protestant alive." 
 
 I was in the south of Ireland, on New Year's Day, lr^'25, and recollect seeing several Protes- 
 tants, who were going to attend divine service, stealthily take loaded pistols with thein, fearing 
 that a general massacre was in contemplation, and resolving to sell their lives dearly. — M. 
 
 t The name of an amusing, chatty article which had appeared in Blnrlcwood, some tuno 
 b( fore (evidently written by Wilson.) and had gained great approbation from the patioiit 
 public. — M. 
 . 1 This is the tradition at Holland House. — M.
 
 l.-JG NOCTES ^MBKOSIANxE. 
 
 £<i;t»r. " Expcrto crede Roberto." 
 
 OJofurty. 1 am plad to see you have dropt your cursed humbug 
 artk-los o>rGcnnaii Plays. I hate all that trash. Is Kempferhausen 
 
 di-fiirut ? 
 
 UJitor. I had a present of two aums of Johannisberg from him not 
 
 a woc-k ago. 
 
 Odoherty. The piperly fellow once promised me a few dozens; 
 but lie took it amiss that 1 peppered him so at the Tent. 
 
 Editor. I am sure you would have sold it to Ambrose if you had 
 got it. — Will you have some supper 1 
 
 Odohertij. Excuse me, I never eat supper. 
 
 Editor, {Rings.) Waiter, Welsh rabbits for five, scolloped oysters 
 for tt-n, six quarts of porter, and covers for two. 
 
 Waiter. It is all ready, sir; Mr. Ambrose knew what you would 
 want the moment the Captain came in. 
 
 Odoherty. I am thinking seriously of writing some book. W'hat 
 shape do you recommend ] I was thinking of a quarto. 
 
 Editor. A duodecimo you mean ; will a quarto go into a sabre- 
 tache, or a work-basket, or a reticule? Are you the bishop of Win- 
 chester ?* 
 
 Odoherty. What bookseller do you recommend? (These are 
 prime powldoodies !) 
 
 Editor. El tony to be sure, if he will give the best price. But be 
 sure you don't abuse his temper. There was a worthy young man 
 done up only a few months ago by the cockney poets. He gave 
 £100 to one for a bundle of verses, (I forget the title.) of which just 
 thirty copies were sold. They were all at him like leeches, and he 
 was soon sucked to the bone. You must not tip Ebony any shabby 
 trash — you must be upon honor, Mr. Odoherty. You have a great 
 name, and you must support it. If you mind your hits, you may 
 rise as high as any Ixjdy I know in any of the slang lines. 
 
 Odoherty. You flatter me ! Butter ! 
 
 Editor. Not one lick ! Egan is not worthy of holding a candle to 
 your Boxiaiia; and yet Egan is a prime swell. You should get little 
 Cruikshank to draw the vignettes ; your life would sell as well as 
 IIf)gg's. or Ilaggart's, or any body else, that I remember.f 
 
 Odoherty. You'll cut a great figure in it yourself. 
 
 Editor. A good one, you mean ? 
 
 Odoherty. No, d , I scorn to flatter you, or any man. I shall 
 
 tell the truth, all the truth, and nothing but the truth. Do you 
 
 • The Bishop's Life of William Pitt had appeared in quarto.— M. 
 
 t The articles called " Boxiana,"— which have been generally attributed to Mnginn — lui. 
 ihrrtiichkeTeral volumes of Ulackwonrl. They (rave the history of the English prizc-rin^'. 
 Pierce K(;an wrote the work on which they were based, and was adJitionally notorious a.s 
 hJiLor of Uell'ii Life, a sporting paper, and author of " I,ife in London," which, when (iraraa- 
 llied. had more micceks than any performance which the London plav-goers had seen for years. 
 
 Life lu London" was illustrated by George Cruikshank and his brother Robert.— M.
 
 BCANDALUM MAGNATUM. 137 
 
 expect me to say that you are a handsome man 1 Or that you have 
 slim ankles? Or that you don't squhit? Or that you understand 
 the whole doctrine of quadrille'? Or that you are the author of 
 Waverley 1 Or the author of Anastasius 1 Are these the bams you 
 expect 1 
 
 Uditor. Say that I am the author of the Chaldee, and I am satis- 
 fied. 
 
 Odoherty. No, I'll stick to my own rule. I'll claim it myself. I'll 
 challenge Hogg if he disputes the point. 
 
 Editor. I hope you'll shoot potatoes ; for I could not afford to lose 
 either of you ! you are both of you rum ones to look at, but devils 
 to go. 
 
 Odokerty. I intend to be modest as to my amours. 
 
 Editor. You had better not. The ladies won't buy if you do so. 
 Your amour with Mrs. Macwhirter* raised my sale considerably. 
 
 Odoherty. This is a very delicate age. I fear nothing at all high 
 would go down with it. 
 
 Editor. Why there's a vast deal of cant afloat as to this matter ; 
 people don't know what they are speaking about. Show me any 
 production of genius, written in our time, which does not contain 
 what they pretend to abhor. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, there's the Edinburgh Review — you must at 
 least allow 'tis a decent work. 
 
 Editor. Have you forgotten Sidney Smith's article about mission- 
 aries ? — I won't repeat the names of some of them. 
 
 Odoherty. The Quarterly? 
 
 Editor. Why, Gifford and I ai;.e old boys, and past our dancing 
 days ; but I believe you will find some very sly touches here and 
 there. 
 
 Odoherty. Byron 1 
 
 Editor. Poh ! you're wild now. We may despise the cant about 
 him, but you must confess that there's always a little of what^s ivrony 
 in the best of his works. Even the Corsair seems to have flirted a 
 bit now and then. And Juan, you know, is a perfect Richelieu. f 
 
 Odoherty. Have you anything to say against the Waverley 
 novels ? 
 
 Editor. Not much. Yet even the old Dame Noma in the Pirate 
 seems to have danced in her youth. I strongly suspect her son was 
 a mere Jllius canialis. 
 
 Odoherty. What of Kenilvvorth, then ? 
 
 Editor. 'Tis all full of going about the bush. One always sees 
 what Elizabeth is thinking about. She has never some handsome 
 
 * This amour is related, rather particularly, in the Memoirs of Odoherty, and the lady's last 
 appearance was, in The Tent. — M. 
 
 t Not the Cardinal, but the Due de Richelieu, of the Orleans Regency, equally distingnisheiJ 
 for his profligacy and valor. — M.
 
 138 N0CTE3 AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 follow or Other out of her mmd. And then the scene where Leices- 
 ter and Amy get up is certainly rather richly colored. There is 
 nothing a wlut worse in the Sorrows of Werter, or Julia de Pwou- 
 bi'MU', or any of that sentimental set. 
 
 '^OJohertij' Milman is a very well-behaved boy. You can say 
 nothiiiii of that sort against him. 
 
 £\li}or. He is a very respectable man, and a clergyman to boot; 
 but the bridal songs in his FaW of Jerusalem are not much behind 
 what a layman might have done. There are some very luxurious 
 
 hits in t/ui) part of the performance. Did you attend old P 's 
 
 sale when you were in town? 
 
 Oduherty. No, I can't say I did ; but I hear there was a fine collec- 
 tion of the Faeetia?, and other ft^rbidden fruits. A friend of mine 
 got the editio priueeps of Poggio,* but he sweated for it. The 
 Whigs bid high. They worked to keep all those tit-bits for them- 
 selves. 
 
 Editor. Does this affair of Lord Byron's Mysteryf create any sen- 
 sation in London ? 
 
 Odoherty. Very little. The parsons about Murray's shop are 
 not the most untractable people in the world, otherwise they would 
 never have abstained so long from attacking Juan, Beppo, and the 
 rest of Byron's improprieties — they that are so foul-mouthed against 
 Shelley, and such insignificant blasphemers as that Cockney crew. 
 
 Editor. 1 have often wondered at the face they show in that omis- 
 sion. 
 
 Odoherty. Really 1 
 
 Editor. No doubt a bookseller must have something to say Rs to 
 his own Review. But the thing should not be pushed too far, else a 
 noodle can see through it. 
 
 Odoherty. Meaning me ? 
 
 Editor. Not at all. But as to Cain, I entirely differ from the 
 Chancellor. I think, if Cain be prosecuted, it will be a great shame. 
 The humbug of the age will then have achieved its most visible tri- 
 umph. 
 
 Oduherty. I never saw it, but I thought it had been blasphe- 
 mous. 
 
 Editor. No, sir, I can't see that. The Society might have had some 
 pretence had they fallen on Don Juan ; but 1 suppose those well-fed 
 Archdeacons, and so forth, have their own ways of observing certain 
 matters. 
 
 • Popfjio Bracciolini, Apostolical Secretary to eight Popes, but a profligate in hi"- conduct and 
 writin;;«. He lived in the fifteenth century.— M. 
 
 ti" lf*l"' * •'^•>''"*''yi" dedicated to Scott, was written at Ravenna in the autumn of 1821, and 
 publiihed in December of that year. It was pirated. Murray apiilied for an injunciion against 
 the pirate*, and the Chancellor (Eldon,) declare.', that an immoral or irreligious book was not 
 entitled to protection. — U.
 
 BYRON TO MUERAT. 139 
 
 Odoherty. Have you seen Lord Byron's letter on tlie subject to 
 Mr. Murray ? 
 
 Editor. Yes ; 'tis in the papers. 
 
 Odoherty. A bite ! that's the prose edition. It was written origin 
 ally in verse, but Murray's friends thought it would have more eiVect 
 if translated into prose ; and a young clergyman, who writes in the 
 Quarterly, turned the thing very neatly, considering ; I believe 1 have 
 a copy of Lord Byron's own letter in my pocket. 
 
 Editor. Let's see it. 
 
 Odoherty. You shall have it. 
 
 BYRON TO MURRAY.* 
 
 Attacks on me weie wlia.t I look'd for, Murray, 
 
 But why the devil do they badger you ? 
 ITiese godly newspapers seem hot as curry, 
 
 But don't, dear Publisher, be in a stew. 
 They'll be so glad to see you in a flurry — 
 
 I mean those canting Quacks of your Review — 
 They fain would have you all to their own Set; 
 
 But never mind them — we're not parted yet. 
 They surely don't suspect you, Mr. John. 
 
 Of being more than accoitcheur to Cain ; 
 "What mortal ever said you wrote the Don? 
 
 I dig the mine — you only fire the train ! 
 But here — why, really, no great lengths I've gone — 
 
 Big wigs and buzz were always my disdain — 
 But my poor shoulders why throw atl the guilt on ? 
 
 There's as much blasphemy, or more, in Milton. 
 
 * Letter from Lcrrd, Byron to Mr. Murray. 
 
 Pisa, Feb. 8, 1S29. 
 
 Dear Sir — Attacks upon me were to be expected; but I perceive one upon t/ou in the papers, 
 which, I confess, that I did not expect. How. or in what manner ynu can be considered re- 
 ^pon.sible for what / publish, I am at a loss to conceive. If '" Cain," be " blasphemous." Para- 
 dise Lost is blasphemous; and the very words of the Oxford Gentleman. "Evil be thou, my 
 good," are from that very poem, from the mouth of Satan ; and is there any thing more in that 
 of Lucifer in the Mystery 1 Cain is nothing more than a drama, not a piece of argument. If 
 Lucifer and Cain speak as the first murderer and the fir.strebel may be supposed to speak, surely 
 all the rest of the personages talk also according to their characters; and the stronger passions 
 have ever been permitted to the drama. 1 have even avoided introducing the Deity, as in 
 Scripture (though Milton does, and not very wisely either ;) but have adopted his angel, as sent 
 to Cain, instead, on purpose to avoid shocking any feelings on the subject, by falling short of, 
 what all uninspired men must fall short in, viz. giving an adequate notion of the effect of fie 
 presence of Jehovah, The old mysteries introduced him liberally enough, and all this is 
 avoided in the new one. 
 
 The attempt to bully you, because they think it will not succeed with me, seems to me as 
 atrocious an attempt as ever disgraced the times. What I when Gibbon's, Hume's. Priestley's, 
 and Drumraond's publishers hive been allowed to rest in peace for seventy years, are i/ou to be 
 singled out for a work o( fiction, not of history or argument? There must be something at the 
 bottom ol this — some private enemy of your own — it is otherwise incredible. 
 
 1 can only say. '' Me — me adsum qui feci," that any proceedings directed against you, I beg 
 may be transferred to me, who am willing and ous^lit to endure them all ; that if you have lost 
 money by the publication, I will refund any. or all of the copyright; that I desire you will say, 
 that both you and iMr. Gifford remonstrated against the publication, as also Mr. Hobhousp ; that 
 1 alone occasioned it, and I alone am the person who either legally or otherwise should bear 
 the burthen. If they prosecute, I will come to England ; that is, it by meeting it in my own 
 person, I can save yours. Let me know — you sha'n't suffer for me, if I can help it. Make any 
 use of tb is letter which you please. Yours ever, Bykon.
 
 140 NOCTES AMBUOSIAN.E. 
 
 Tlie Ihinij 's a drama, not a Bernion-lxiok ; 
 
 Hore Stan. Is the nniideror— tliat 's llie old one there; 
 lu p.wii anil eai^si.ck liow would Satan look? 
 
 Slioidd Kratri'-idt-s discourse like Doctor Bkirf 
 Tlie |>uti(aiiic Milton fieedoni took, 
 
 Wliiili uo\v-nda_v8 would make a bishop stare; 
 But not to shock the fccliufirs of the age, 
 I onlv briuLr you angels on the stage. 
 To blillv You— yet sliiiuk from battling Me, 
 
 Is Ijii'seness. Notiiing baser stiiius '■ The Times." 
 While Jelfrey in each catalogue I see. 
 
 While no oue tiilks of pi icstiy Playfair's crimes, 
 While Drumiuoud, at Marseilles, blasphemes with glee, 
 
 Why all this row about my hannless rhymes? 
 Depend on 't, I'iso, 't is some private jiique 
 'Moug those that cram your Quarterly with Greek. 
 
 If this goes on, I wish you'd plainly tell 'em, 
 
 T were quite a treat to uic to be iudicted ; 
 Is it less sin to write such books than sell 'em ? 
 
 There's muscle! — I 'm resolved I '11 see you righted. 
 In vie, great Sharpe, in me cnuverte tclum ! 
 
 Come, Doctor iSewell, show you have been kuighted 
 — Ou my account you never shall be duun'd, 
 
 The copyright, in part, I will i-efund. 
 You may tell all who come into your shop, 
 
 You and your Bull-dog both remonstrated; 
 My Jackall did the same, you hints may dn>p, 
 
 (All which, perhaps, you have already said.) 
 Just speak the word, I 11 fly to be your prop. 
 
 They shall not touch a haii', man, in your head. 
 You "re free to print this letter; you 're a fool 
 If you do u't send it fiist to the Jou.n Bull.* 
 
 E'litor. Come, this is a good letter. If I had been Murray I would 
 not have thouuht of the prose. I'll be hanged if I would. 
 
 Odoherty. Is there any thing new in the literary world here ? 
 
 Editor. Not nuich that I hear of. There's Colonel Stewart's 
 TIi><torv of the Highland Regiments, one of the most entertaining 
 litioks tliat have been published this long time. You're a soldier, 
 you must review it for me in my next number.f 
 
 Oddhtrltj. I think I'll tip you a series of articles on the history of 
 the Irish regiments. Tm sure I know as many queer stories about 
 them as any colonel of them all. Is the book well written? 
 
 Editor. Plainly, but sensibly, and elegantly too, I think. Not 
 nnich of the flai^h that's in vogue, but a great deal of feeling and truth. 
 Som<; of the anecdotes are quite beautiful, and the Colonel's view of 
 the Highland character is admirably dra\\Ti. 
 
 * The poetical rertion was by Maginn. — M. 
 
 t la the April number of Blnrlcirond.Xha openinp article -sras a review of Colonel David 
 Pl»w»rt'» Skelchct of the Highland Regiments— not written, however, by Odoherty.— iVI.
 
 NEW BOOKS. 141 
 
 Odoherty. I'm glad to hear it. Few officers write well except 
 Julius Caesar, the Heavy Horseman,* and myself. 
 
 Editor. You forget General Burgoyne. 
 
 Odokerty. Aye, true enough. The General was a sweet fellow.f 
 
 Editor. So are you all. Have you done nothing to your Cam 
 paigns 1 I'm sure they would sell better than Southey's. 
 
 Odokerty. That's no great matter, perhaps. 1 don't think the 
 Laureate has much of a military eye.| 
 
 Editor. How does the John Bull get on? 
 
 Odokerty. Famously, they say. I'm told they divided £G000 at 
 the end of the first year. I intend contributing myself if you do not 
 pay me better. 
 
 Editor. Why, how much would you have? Are you not always 
 sure of your twenty guineas a^sheet? I'm sure that's enough for 
 such articles as yours. You never take any pains, 
 
 Odokerty. If I did, they would not be worth five. — Have you seen 
 John Home's Life ? 
 
 Editor. To be sure. — 'Tis very amusing. The old gentleman 
 writes as well as ever.|| I wish he would try his hand at a novel 
 once more. 
 
 Odokerty. Why, no novels sell now except the Author of Wav- 
 erley's. 
 
 Editor. Write a good one, and I warrant you 'twill sell. There's 
 Adam Blair has taken like a shot ; and Sir Andrew Wylie is almost 
 out of print already. § 
 
 Odokerty. I don't think Sir Andrew near so good as the Annals 
 of the Parish. — What say you ? 
 
 • Poems by Edivard Quillinan (who was successively the son-in-law of Sir Egerton Brydges 
 and Wordsworth,) were reviewed, in BlackicooU, by Captain Hamilton, who, because their 
 RUthor was or had been in the army, treated them as if written by a Heavy Dragoon. Thp 
 critique was so personal as to be offensive, and Captain Quillinan went to Edinburgh to chal- 
 lenge the reviewer, whoever he might be. Accidentally sitting next Hamilton at dinnet*, 
 Q,uillinan was so much pleased with him as to accept his invitation to have a cigar and walk 
 home together. In tlie course of their conversation Quillinan mentioned how difficult he 
 found it to ascertain the authorship of an article in Blai kwuod, and mentioned his own par- 
 ticular grievance of the critique. Hamilton smiled, and said, " My dear fellow, there was no 
 private spleen in the matter. I, who wrote the article, knew nothing of the author I was quiz- 
 zing and am sorry that, by accident, I annoyed you." There was no more enmity nor anger, 
 and they remained warm friends through life. — M. 
 
 t This is the General Burgoyne who had a British command here, in the Revolutionary wai, 
 and issued an address to the native Indians, in such an inhaled and turgid style as to fix on him 
 the fnhriquet of Chrononhotonthologos. His surrender at Saratoga, with all his army, cau.^ei 
 mucti dissatisfaction in England, and one of the epigrams of the day, which also embodied Iho 
 name of the successful American general, ran thus : 
 
 Burgoyne, unconscious of impending fate.% 
 
 Could cut his way through woods— but not through Gates. 
 
 ■He was dismissed the British service for having refused to return to America, (his visit to 
 England being on his parole) pursuant to the terms of the convention, but was restored three 
 years after. He was a successful dramatic writer. — M. 
 
 t Southey's History of the Peninsular War. — M. 
 
 II Life of John Home, author of " Douglas,'' by Henry Mackenzie. — M. 
 
 ^ "Adam Blair," a tale of intense passion, suffering, and expiation, by Lockhart. " Sir 
 Andrew Wylie," one of Gait's novels ol familiar life, improbable in incidents, and exaggerated 
 in character, but clever, amusing, and full of natural interest. — M.
 
 J42 XOCTES AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 J^litor. I ngree with you. The story is d— iinprobaljlc ; the 
 heu> a borislf follow, an abominable bore ! but there is so much 
 cleverness in the writing, and many of the scenes are so capitally 
 managed, that one can never lay down the book after beginning it. 
 On life wliole, 'tis a very strange performance. 1 hear the Provost 
 is likelv to l)e better, however. 
 
 Oil"'/i(rfi/. The Author has a vast deal of humor, but he should 
 stick to what he has seen. The first part of Wylie is far the best. 
 
 £di(ur. The scene with old George is as good as possible. 
 
 Odohfrtij. It is. Why did he \wi produce the present King too 1 
 
 Editor. He will probably have him some other time. If he could 
 but write stories as well as the King tells them,* he would be the 
 first author of his time. 
 
 Odu/itrti/. Were you ever in company with the King, North ? 
 
 Editor. Three or four times, — long agonow^ when he used tocome 
 a-huiiting in the New Forest. 
 
 Oduhertij. Will he come to Scotland this summer? 
 
 Editor. (,)ne can never be sure of a King's movements ; but 'tis said 
 he is quite resolved upon the trip.f 
 
 Odoherttj. What will the Whigs do? 
 
 Editor. l*oh ! the Whigs here are nobody. Even Lord Moira 
 could not endure them. He lived altogether among the Tories when 
 he was in Scotland. J The Whigs would be queer pigs at a drawing- 
 room. 
 
 Odoherty. Sir Ronald Ferguson seems to be a great spoon. 
 
 Editor. He is what he seems. At the Fox dinner, t'other day, he 
 came prejtared with two speeches; one to preface the memory of old 
 L'harra- ; the other returning thanks for his own health being drunk. 
 He forgot himself, and transposed them. He introduced Fox with 
 twenty minutes' harangue about his own merits, and then, discover- 
 hig his mistake, sat down in such a quandary ! 
 
 Odohtrtij. Good ! they're a pretty set. W' hat sort of a thing is 
 the Thane of Fife — Tennant's poem? 
 
 Editor. Mere humbug — quite defunct. 
 
 Odoherty. What are they saying about Hogg's new romance, 
 "The Three Perils of Man; or, War V/omen, and Witchcraft," — Is 
 not that the name ? 
 
 Editor. 1 think so. I dare say 'twill be like all his things, — a 
 mixture <»f the admirable, the execrable, and the tolerable. It is to 
 be published by some Lonuon house. 
 
 • ScoU rrpi-atedljr taiJ that Georpe IV. was an admirable story-teller.— M. 
 
 t (jecrct IV. Tiniifd .Scotland in the autumn of l.-<2-.'.— M. 
 
 ; Lord .Moira, in the (leerafre of Ireland, and afterward.s, ^Marquis of Hastings, in that r{ 
 Enptand, 'jore the name of Lord Rawdon, when he served in the British army, during the 
 Kavu.utiunary w.-ir. lie died in l-^i'), after having been (Jovernor-General of India and 
 Oovcrnor of Milia. One of his daughters was Lady Flora Hastings, "done to death by evil 
 lODjue*,' in the Court of queen Victoria, in lsa9.— M.
 
 LrrERATUKE OF THE DAT. 143 
 
 Odoherbj. Does he never come to Edinburgh now ? 
 
 Editor. Oh yes, now and thon he is to be seen .'ibout five in the 
 morning, selling sheep in the Grassmarkct. I am told he is a capital 
 manager about his farm, and getting rich apace. 
 
 Odoherty. I am glad to hear it. I'm sorry I wrote that article on 
 his life.* It was too severe, perhaps. 
 
 Editor. Never mind ; 'tis quite forgotten. He is now giving out 
 that he wrote it himself 
 
 Odoherty. It was a devilish good article. He could not have 
 written three lines of it. 
 
 Editor. No, no, but neither could you have written three lines of 
 Kilmeny, no, nor one line of his dedication to Lady Anne Scott. 
 Hogg's a true genius in his own style. Just compare him with any 
 of the others of the same sort; compare him with Clare for a 
 moment, f Upon my word, Hogg appears to me to be one of the 
 most wonderful creatures in the world, taking all things together. I 
 wish he would send me more articles than he does, and take more 
 pains with them. 
 
 Odoherty. Is Dr. Scott in town ? 
 
 Editor. No — he's busy writing the Odontist.J They say it will 
 be the oddest jumble. All his life — every thing he has seen, or 
 might have seen, from a boy — and some strange anecdotes of the 
 French Revolution. 
 
 Odoherty. Was he ever in the Bastile % 
 
 Editor. Oh yes, and in the Temple too. He has been every- 
 where but at Timbuctoo. 
 
 Odoherty. Where is Timbuctoo ? 
 
 Editor. Somewhere in Egypt, I am told. I never was there. 
 
 Odoherty. What is your serious opinion about the present state of 
 literature ? 
 
 Editor. Why, we live in an age that will be much discussed when 
 'tis over — a very stirring, productive, active age — a generation of 
 commentators will probably succeed — and I, for one, look to furnish 
 them with some tough work. There is a great deal of genius astir, 
 but, after all, not many first-rate works produced. If I were asked 
 to say how many will survive, I could answer in a few syllables. 
 Wordsworth's Ballads will be much talked of a hundred years hence; 
 so will the Waverley Novels ; so will Don Juan, I think, and 
 Manfred ; so will Thalaba, and Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, and the 
 Pilgrimage to the Kirk of Shotts, and Christabel — 
 
 Odoherty. And the Essay on the Scope and Tendency of Bacon. || 
 
 • A "slashing" review in Blackwood, of the life of Hogg, which had appeared in Constable's 
 Magazine. — M. 
 
 t John Clare, the Northamptonshire Peasant (as he was called), wrote pretty verses. Soma 
 of Hogg's poetry will perish only with the language in which they are writ. — M. 
 
 X He was not Doctor, and "The Odontist" never was written. — M. 
 
 ■i This unfortunate Essay, the constant butt of the wits of Ebony, was written by Professor 
 Macvey iS'a]iier, who succeeded Jelfre- -ui the editorship of the Edinburgh lieviev \L
 
 144 NOCTES AMBKOSIAJf-E. 
 
 Editor. You wag, I suppose you expect to float yourself. 
 O'fuherti/. Do you ? 
 
 Editor. "None of your qui2zing here, Mr. Odoherty. I'll get Hogg 
 to review your next book, sir, if you don't mend your manners. 
 Oduhert'y. Do — I would fain have a row, as I say in viy song, — 
 
 " 0, uo matter with -whom — no, nor -what it was for." 
 
 Editor. Aye. you are always in that mood. 
 
 Odoherty. "Sometimes only." Do you disapprove of personality ? 
 
 Editor. No, no, I am not quite fool enough to sport that ; least 
 of all to you. In reviewing, in particular, what can be dojie without 
 |H.'rsonality ? Nothing, nothing. What are books that don't express 
 the personal characters of their authors ; and who can review books, 
 without reviewing those that wrote them ] 
 
 Odoherty. You get warm, Christopher ; out with it. 
 
 Editor. Can a man read La Fontaine, Mr. Odoherty, without 
 perceiving his personal good nature % Swift's personal ill-nature is 
 quite as visible. Can a man read Burns without having the idea of a 
 great and a bold man — or Barry Cornwall, without the very uncom- 
 tbrtable feelinji of a little man and a timid one ? The whole of the 
 talk about personality is, as Fogarty* says, cant. 
 
 Odoherty. Get on. 
 
 Editor. I have done. Did you pick me up any good new hands 
 when you were in town 1 
 
 Odoherty. Several — two or three, that is. But I think the less 
 you have to do with the Cockney underscrubs, the better. 
 
 Editor. You're right there. 
 
 Odoherty. Oh yes, I have no love of the " Young Geniuses about 
 !own." The glorious army of Parliamentary reporters has no 
 magnificence in my eyes. I detest news-writers — paragraphers — 
 •pouting-club speechifiers — all equally. You have them writing on 
 'iitferent lays, but they are at bottom, with very few exceptions, the 
 -ame dirty radicals, — meanly born, — meanly bred, — uneducated 
 idventurers, who have been thrown upon literature only by having 
 lixiled as attorneys, apothecaries, painters, schoolmasters, preachers, 
 :^rocers 
 
 Editor. Or Adjutants. — Ha! ha! This Barry Cornwall, do 
 
 they still jiufl" him as much as ever 1 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, they do ; but the best joke is, that in one of his 
 own prefaces he takes the trouble to tell us that Mirandola, (a charac- 
 ter in one of his playthings,) is not the same man with Othello. 
 
 Editor. One migjit as well say that Tom Thumb is not the same 
 man as liidmrd the Third. 
 
 • Fogirty O'Kogartf was the nom de plume of Mr. Gosnell, son of an apothecary in Cork, 
 who wrote a poem in Blackwood, in six Cantos, edited by Maginn, and called " DanicJ 
 U'ltourke." — .\i.
 
 "thi libekal." 14.5 
 
 OJoliertif. Oi that Joseph Hume is not Edmund Burke. 
 
 Editor. Or that the friend of Gerald* is not the exeniphir of Sir 
 Philip Sidney. 
 
 Odoherty. Or that a painted broomstick is not an oak. 
 
 Editor. Or that Baby Cornwall is not Giant Shakspeare. To be 
 serious, do vou think Campbell is gaining reputation bv his editor- 
 .vhip ? 
 
 Odnhertij. No; nor do I think Byron will by his.f 
 
 Editor. How are you sure of that, Ensign % 
 
 Odoherty. The Duke of Wellington would not raise himself by the 
 best of all possible corn-bills. Hannibal did not raise himself by his 
 excellent conduct at the head of the Carthaginian Police. Even if 
 Tom Campbell had turned out the prince of Editors, I should still 
 have preferred him thinking of 
 
 On Linden when tbe sun was low, 
 All bloodless lay the untrodden snow, 
 And dark as winter was Ihe flow 
 
 Of Iser rolling rapidly. 
 
 Editor. You are getting sentimental now, I think. Will you 
 liave another tumbler? 
 
 Odoherty. Hand me the lemons. This holy alliance of Pisa will 
 be a queer affair.;]; The Examiner has let down its price from a ten- 
 penny to a sevenpenny. They say the editor here is to be one of 
 that faction, for they must publish in London of course. 
 
 Editor. Of course ; but I doubt if they will be able to sell many. 
 Byron is a prince ; but these dabbling dogglerers destroy every dish 
 they dip in. 
 
 Odoherty. Apt alliteration's artful aid. 
 
 Editor. Imagine Shelley, with his spavin, and Hunt, with his 
 stringhalt, going in the same harness with such a caperer as Byron, 
 three-a-breast ! He'll knock the wind out of them both the first 
 canter. 
 
 Odoherty. 'Tis pity Keats is dead. I — I suppose you could not 
 venture to publish a sonnet in which he is mentioned now ? The 
 Quarterly (who killed him, as Shelley says) would blame you. 
 
 Editor. Let's hear it. Is it your own ? 
 
 Odoherty. No ; 'twas written many months ago by a certain great 
 Italian genius, who cuts a figure about the London routs — one 
 Eudgiolo.§ 
 
 • " The friend of Gerald vvas Sir James Mackintosh. — M. 
 
 t Of "The Liberal."— M. 
 
 t The alliance between Byron, Shelley, and Leigh Hunt, in the production of the Liberal. — 
 
 I John Keats, author of " Endymion," and other poems. He died at Rome, in December 
 1S20, aiced twenty-four. With some mannerisms, he had wonderful imagination, delicate 
 taite, deep sensibilities, and musical expression of no common order. — M. 
 
 § Ugo Foscolo, an Italian poet and exile, established his fame by his "Letters of Ortis." 
 He contributed largely to the higher periodicals, and died in London, in 1827. — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 12
 
 I4G NOCTES AMT3R0SIANJE. 
 
 Editor. Try to recollect it 
 OJo/ierty. It began 
 
 Sijjnor Le Hiiiito, gloria di Coca^ma 
 
 Clii scrive il povina della Riuiiui 
 Clit' tiitta ajipait'iiza lia, per Gemini, 
 
 D'esser eautato so])ra la niontagna 
 Di bel Luilgato, o uella cainpagna 
 DAiiisted, o sulle marge Serpeutimini 
 Coin' esta Dou Ciiovaimi d'Eudymiui 
 
 II gran poeta ti'lpecacuaiilia? 
 Tu sei il Re del Cueknio Parnasso 
 
 Ed egli il lierede appareute, 
 Tu 6ei un gran Giacasso ciertamente, 
 
 Ed egli ciertamente gran Giacasso I 
 Tu sei il Siguor del Examinero 
 Ed egli soave Signer del Glystero. 
 
 Editor. I don't see Avhy Examinero and Glystero should be so 
 omplc'd together. 
 
 Odiiherlij. Both vehicles of dirt, you know. 
 
 Editor. You have nie there. Who is Regent at present during 
 his Majt'sty's absence? 
 
 Oduherty. (Jf course Prince John.* I don't think Ilazlitt is ui 
 the Council of Ilegency. From the moment King George went to 
 IlaiioviT, King Leigh was in the fidgets to be off. 
 
 Editor. AN'liat a cursed number of sonnets he'll write about the 
 Venus de Medicis and the Hermaphrodite ! The pictures and 
 statues will drive him clean out of his wits. He'll fall in love with 
 some of them. 
 
 Odoherty. If he sees Niobe and her Nine Daughters, he's a lost 
 man. 
 
 Editor. Quite done f^r. 
 
 Odoherty. Will the ladies admire his sonnets when they come 
 over ? 
 
 Editor. According to Dr. Colquhoun,f there is one parish in 
 I-ondun, Mary-le-bone, which contains 50,000 ladies capable of 
 appreciating his poetry. 
 
 Oduherty. Is the new novel nearly ready — The Fortunes of Nigel 
 --is nut that it? 
 
 Editor. 1 hear it will soon be out, J and that it is better than the 
 Pirate. 
 
 Odoherty. I can believe that. 
 
 • John Hunt.— M. 
 
 • r)r I'nirirk Cul'itihoun was a police mapiatrafe in London, of much ability and shrewdness. He 
 pulili>h('cl Bcvenil work». chi'-fly coniiecled xvilh slatisties and jurispriHlence. Of these his "'I'reatiso 
 on till' Pohee of the Metroi'ohs," altracled peneml alliiilion, from its anatomy of the lower grades ov 
 focifly in Umdon. He died in WiO. aped seventy five.— M. 
 
 : " Tiie Kortuoei of Nicel" wa» publixhed in May, I8«. It was reviewed, very briefly, in Blackwood. 
 fix June.— M.
 
 A VOLUNTARY. 147 
 
 Editor. The subject is better. The time a very picturesque one. 
 I am informed, that we may expect to have the most high and mighty 
 Prince, King Jamie, and old Geordie Ilcriot, introduced in high 
 style. 
 
 OJoherty. In London, I hope. 
 
 Editor. I hope so, too. I think he shows most in a bustle. 
 
 Odoliertij. I don't know. 1 like the glen in the Monastery. 
 
 Editor. Your affectation is consummate. You that never breathed 
 at ease out of a tavern, to be sporting romance. 
 
 Odoherty. I have written as many sentimental verses as any 
 Sempstress alive. I once tried an epic in dead earnest. 
 
 Editor. I low did you get on 1 
 
 Odoherty. My heroine was with child at the end of the first canto, 
 but I never had patience to deliver her. 
 
 Editor. Have you still got the MS. ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes ; I think of sending it to Tom Campbell, or Taylor 
 and Hessey, or the Aberdeen Review, if there be such a book still. 
 
 Editor. I never heard of it ; but steamboats and magazines are 
 all the go at present. They've got a magazine at Brighton — 
 another at Newcastle, for the colliers — another at Dundee — and, 1 
 believe, five or six about Paisley and Glasgow. You may choose 
 which you like best — they're all works of genius — Hogg writes in 
 them all. 
 
 Odoherty. I'll sing you a song. (Sinys.) 
 
 Thus speaks out Christopher, 
 
 To his gallaut crew — 
 Up wilh the Olive flag, 
 
 Down with the Blue ; 
 
 Fire upon Jeffrey, 
 
 Fire on Sir James, 
 Fire on the Benthains, 
 
 Fire on the Grahams. 
 
 Fire upon Benuet, 
 
 Fire on Joe Hume 
 Fire upon Lambton, 
 
 Fire upon Brougham. 
 
 Fire upon Hallam, 
 Fire upon Moore, 
 S})it upon Hazlitt, 
 
 P' e forgot the last line. 'Tis my call. Your stave, Christopher! 
 Editor. {Rings.) Walter ! if Willisou Glass be in the house, desire 
 him to come up stairs, and he shall have a bottle of porter.
 
 I4S 
 
 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Enter Willison Glass.* 
 
 WiUison. What's your will 1 
 
 Editor. Sin<; the dialogue between yourself and Jeremy Benthani. 
 
 Wtllison. 1 have it in my pocket, sir — I will sing directly, sir — 
 there's a nnniiiig commentary, sir — would you be pleased to hear it 
 loo, sir ? 
 
 Editor. Tip us the alTair as it stands, Willison. 
 
 DIALOGCE BETWEEN WILLISON GLASS, ESQ., OF EDINBURGH, AND JEREMY 
 
 BENTIIAM, ESQ., OF LONDON. 
 
 1. 
 
 Willison inviteth 
 Jeremy lo the ti(rn 
 of the Jolly Bac- 
 chus, whrreof he 
 (peaketh in com- 
 mendation. 
 
 Jeeemv, throw your pen aside, 
 
 And come get drnnk with me ; 
 We'll go where Bacchus sits astride, 
 
 Perch'd high upon barrels three ; 
 'Tis there the ale is frothing up, 
 
 And genuine is tiie gin ; 
 So we shall take a liberal sup. 
 
 To comfort our souls within. 
 
 .Feremjr refuseth tho 
 invitation, blandly 
 allegini; that he had 
 much rather destroy 
 the young man of 
 the ■west, and other 
 persons. 
 
 cheerier than the nappy ale. 
 
 Or the Hollands smacking fine, 
 Is sitting by the taper pale. 
 
 And piling line on line; 
 Smashing with many a heavy word 
 
 Anti-nsurei'sf in a row, 
 Or pointing arguments absurd^ 
 
 lo level the Boroughs low. 
 
 Whereupon Willi- 
 son remindeth him 
 of the Quarterly, 
 and extoUeth the 
 good liquor. 
 
 Jeremy, trust me, 'tis but stuff 
 
 To scribble the livelong night, 
 While the Quarterly bloodhounds liowl so rough. 
 
 And so gruesome is their bite. 
 But down at the sign of the Triple Tun, 
 
 There's nothing like I hem to fear. 
 But sweet is its brandy's genial run, 
 
 And barmy is its beer. 
 
 feremy disvalueth 
 Leer, brandy, and 
 the Quarterly, de- 
 clares that he choos- 
 •■th rather to eat 
 lawyers than drink 
 brandy. 
 
 Brandy, I know, is liquor good. 
 
 And barmy the beer may be ; 
 But common law is my favorite food, J 
 
 And it must be cruiich'd by me : 
 And I'm writing a word three pages long. 
 
 The Quarterly dogs to rout 
 A word which never will human tongue 
 
 Be able to wind about.§ 
 
 • Wjllijon nla.<« vender of strong liquors and maker of weak verse-s, has been already noticed an( 
 annotaleil in 1 he IVnt — M. 
 
 » Kt-e Kisay on the Usury Laws. I Reform Catechism. n Theorie de Legislation — C V. 
 
 S Jeremy licnlhiim, in h» Any. like Thomas Carlisle iii ours, iiiveiiltd a iifi v phrascolugy wlii'-l 
 had the advouliMtc of being purliculurly obscure."— M.
 
 WILLISON GLASS AND BENTIIAM. 
 
 149 
 
 5. 
 
 Jeremy, never shall tongue of mine 
 
 Be put to 8uch silly use ; 
 I'll keep it to smack the brandy-wine, 
 
 Or barleycorn's gallant juice. 
 Then mount your mitre on your skull, 
 
 Ami waddle with me, my lad. 
 To take a long and hearty pull, 
 
 At the brimmer bumpeiing glad. 
 
 "Willison preferreth 
 long draughts to 
 long words. 
 
 Though ale be comforting to the maw, 
 
 Yet here I still shall dwell. 
 Until I prove that judge-made law 
 
 Is uneognoscible, — 
 That the schools at Canterbury's beck* 
 
 Exist but in the mind, 
 
 And that T. T. Walmsey, Esquire, Sec. 
 
 Is no more than a S25uit of wiud.f 
 
 7. 
 Jeremy, never mind such trash. 
 
 And of better spirits think, 
 And out of your throat the cobwebs wash 
 
 With a foaming flagon of drink ; 
 For 'tis sweet the pewter pots to spy, 
 
 Impr-isouing the liquor stout. 
 As jail-bird rogues are riug'd in by 
 
 Your Panopticon roundabout. 
 
 Jeremj bricgeth up 
 his nine-pounders, 
 and declareth that 
 he is a Berklciau 
 Jihilosopher. 
 
 Willison compareth 
 Jeremy's Panopti- 
 con to a porter-pot 
 in a pretty simile. 
 
 Sweeter it is to see the sheet 
 
 With paradox scribbled fair, 
 Where jawbreakiug words every line you meet. 
 
 To make poor people stare. 
 And Sir Richard of Bridge-street my books shall pufi^ 
 
 And Ensor will swear them fine,:]^ 
 And Jeffrey will say, though my style is tough. 
 
 Yet my arguments are divine. 
 
 Jeremy calleth on 
 three great men, 
 
 Sir Pythagoras. Geo. 
 Ensor, and Master 
 Francis Jetf'rey. 
 
 9. 
 Jeremy, trust me, the puff of the three, 
 
 (I tell you the truth iudeed,) 
 Is not worth the putt" you'd get from me, 
 
 Of the pure Virgiuiau weed. 
 And beneath its fuuie, while we gaily quaff 
 
 The beer or the ruin blue. 
 You at the world may merrily laugh. 
 
 Instead of its laughing at you. 
 
 Willison disparag. 
 ing tlie three ; re- 
 comraendcth to blow 
 a cloud. 
 
 • Church of Englandism. — C. N. 
 
 t Mr. Walmsley was Secretary to the then Archbishop of Canterbury. — M. 
 I Sir Richard Phillips, (of Bridge-street, Blackfriars), publisher and editor, was very likely 
 to ■' pufl"" Bentham. Mr. Knsor was an Irish writer on Population, Political Economy, &c. — >1.
 
 150 NOCrES A\rBEOSlAN^. 
 
 10. 
 
 Jeremy projxoeih The world may lay 'nliat it likes to my charge, 
 
 Eleu&nt rr.iding lo ^^y hiugh, or may sav I'm crack'd. 
 
 Is uo more thau a jury pack'd; 
 Such a jury as those uu wliich I penn'd* 
 
 A Treatise geuteel aud clear ; 
 Aud III read it uow to you, my friend, 
 
 For 'twill give you joy to hear. 
 
 11. 
 vho thereupon re- Jeremy, not for a gallon of ale 
 coilethhom.r-.-iruck Would I stav that book to hear; 
 
 r/n'Tihe' IX ^Vhy, even at its sight my cheek turns pale, 
 Bacchus, there lo Aud my heart leaps up like a deer, 
 
 (intr about Prince g„ j ,„u,j oil" without more delay, 
 p^bauLtn" My courage to raise with a glass ; 
 
 Jeiemy abideth in And as you prefer o'er such stuff to stay, 
 his place. Y\[ ty^st you, uiy lad, for an ass. 
 
 {Exit Willison Glass.) 
 
 Editor. Well, but say candidly, what have you been doing for 
 us ? Your active mind must have been after somethinii. I heard 
 latclv, (perhaps it was said in allusion to your lute detention in 
 Londun.) that you were engaged with a novel, to be entitled "Fleet- 
 ing Imjiressions." 
 
 Oduhertij. You are quite mistaken. I have not patience for a 
 novL'l. 1 uiust go oil' like a cracker, or an ode of Horace. 
 
 Editor. Then why don't you give us an essay for our periodical 1 
 
 Oduhertij. To prove what? or nothing. When I last saw Cole- 
 ridge, he said he considered an essay, in a periodical publication, as 
 merely " a say" for the time — an ingenious string of sentences, 
 driving apparently, with great vehemence, towards some object, but 
 never meant to lead to anything, or to arrive at any conclusion, (for 
 in what conclusion are the public interested b\it the abuse of indivi- 
 duals). Fortunately, there is one subject for critical disquisition, 
 which can never be exhausted. 
 
 Editor. What is this treasure? 
 
 Odoherty. The question, whether is Pope a poet? 
 
 Editor. True ! But confess, Odoherty, what have you been after? 
 
 Odoherty. The truth is, I have some thoughts of finishing my 
 tiagedy of the Black Revenge. 
 
 Editor. Ye gods ! what a scheme ! 
 
 Odoherty. The truth is, I must either do this, or go on with my 
 great qi;art(j disquisititju, on "The Decline and Fall of Genius" 
 
 Editor. I would advise to let alone the drama. 1 do not think it 
 at present a good field for the exertion of genius. 
 
 OdJierty. For what reason. Honey? 
 
 • Elements of Packing.— C X.
 
 PROSE FICTION. 151 
 
 Editor. I think the good novels, which are published, come in 
 place of new dramas. Besides, they are better fitted for the present 
 state of public taste. Tlie public arc merely capable of strong sensa- 
 tions, but of nothing which requires knowledge, taste, or judgment. 
 A certain ideal dignity of style, and regularity of arrangement, must 
 be required for a drama, before it can deserve the name of a compo- 
 sition. But what sense have the common herd of barbarians of com- 
 position, or order, or any thing else of that kind ? 
 
 Odoherty. But there is also the more loose and popular drama, 
 which is only a novel without the narrative parts. 
 
 Editor. Yes, the acting is the chief difference. But I think the 
 novel has the advantage in being without the acting, for its power 
 over the feelings is more undisturbed and entire, and the imagination 
 of the reader blends the whole into a harmony which is not found on 
 the stage. I think those who read novels need not go to the theatre, 
 for they are in general befoi'chand with the whole progress of the story. 
 
 Odoherty. This is true to a certain extent. But novels can never 
 carry away from the theatre those things which are peculiarly its 
 own ; that is to say, the powers of expression in the acting, the elo- 
 quence of declamation, music, buffoonery, the splendor of painted 
 decorations, &c. 
 
 Editor. You are perfectly right. Novels may carry away sympa- 
 thy, plot, invention, distress, catastrophe, and everything — (Vide Blair.) 
 
 Odoherty. Do you mean Dr. Blair, or Adam Blair 1 
 
 Editor. The latter. I say the novels may carry away all these 
 things, but the theatre must still be strong in its power of affecting 
 the senses. This is its peculiar dominion. Yet our populace do 
 not much seek after what strikes and pleases the senses ; for the 
 elegances of sight and hearing require a sort of abstract taste which 
 they do not seem to have. Any thing which is not an appeal through 
 sympathy to some of their vulgar personal feelings, appears to them 
 uninteresting and unmeaning. 
 
 Odoherty. They think it has no reference to vieitm and titum. 
 
 Editor. It probably would not be easy to find a people more 
 lamentably deficient in all those liberal and general feelings which 
 partake of the quality of taste. 
 
 Odoherty. You sink me into despair. I think I must betake my 
 self to my old and favorite study of theological controversy, and 
 furnish a reply to Coplestone. I perceive that Lord Byron, in his 
 Mystery of Cain, tends very much to go off into the same disputes. 
 
 Editor. A skeptically disputatious turn of mind, appears a good 
 deal here and there in his poetry. 
 
 Odoherty. I suppose you think Sardanapalus the best Tragedy 
 he has written.* 
 
 * One ^cene in Sardanapalus is worth nearly all, (from its intensity of regretful tenderness,
 
 152 XOCTES AMBROSI.VNiE. 
 
 Editor. Yes. The Foscari is interesting to read, but rather 
 painful and disagreeable in the subject. Besides, the dialogue is too 
 much in the shurt and pointed manner of Alfieri. ^Vllen a play is 
 not meant to be aeted, there is no necessity for its having that hurry 
 in the action and speeches, which excludes wandering strains of poet- 
 ical bftiuty, or reflection and thought, nor should it want the advan- 
 tages of rhyme. The Faustus of Goethe seems to be the best 
 specimen of the kind of plan fit for a poem of this kind not meant to 
 be acted. 
 
 Odo^erlij. Pindarum quisquis. 
 
 Editor. Byron's Manfred is certainly but an Icarian flutter in com- 
 parison ; his'Sardanapalus is better composed, and more original. 
 
 Odohertij. How do you like Nimrod and Semiramis ? 
 
 Editor. That dream is a very frightful one, and I admire the 
 conception of Nimrod.* 
 
 Odolierty. You know that I am not subject to nocturnal terrors, 
 even after the heaviest supper; but I acknowledge that the ancestors 
 of Sardaiiapalus almost made my hair stand on end ; and I have 
 some intention of introducing the ghost of Fingal in my " Black 
 Revenge." The superstitious vein has not lately been waked with 
 much success. I slight the conception of Noma in relation to fear. 
 The scorpion lash, which ^Mr. David Lindsay applied to the tyrant 
 Firaoun, is not at all formidable to the reader, but there is solemnity 
 and sentiment in the conception of the people being called away one 
 by one from the festival, till he is left alone. That same piece of the 
 Deluge would be very good, if it w'cre not sometimes like music, 
 which aims rather at loudness than harmony or expression. The 
 most elegant and well composed piece in Lindsay's book is the 
 Destiny of Cain. 
 
 Editor. IIow do you like the Nereid's love 1 
 
 Odohcrty. It is vastly pretty, but too profuse in images drawn 
 from mythology. However, there are many fobles of the ancients on 
 which poems might be successfully made even in modern times, and 
 according to modern feeling, if the meaning of the fables were deeply 
 enough studied. It does not necessarily follow that all mythological 
 poems should be written in imitation of the manner of the ancients, 
 and much less in the pretty style of Ovid, and those moderns who 
 liave adopted the same taste. 
 
 Odiiherty. You do not think Mr. Lindsay's Nereid French? 
 
 Editor. By no means. It is free from any fault of that kind. In 
 
 "th» !ate remorse of love,"> that modern playwrights have written. This is th« hero's parting 
 wiih his '-(.'enlle, wronped Zarina."— M. 
 • The description of Nimrod is a picture : 
 
 •' The features were a giant's, and the eye 
 Was still, yet lighted ; his long locks curl'd down 
 On his vast bust, whence a huge quiver rose, 
 With shaft-heads feather'd from the eagle's wing, 
 Tliat peep'd up bristling thro' his serpent hair.— M.
 
 "the ieiskman!" 
 
 153 
 
 Bome of Wordsworth's later poems, there appears something like a 
 reviving imagination for those fine old conceptions, which have been 
 and always will be. 
 
 An age liath been, when earth was proud, 
 
 Of histre too intense 
 To be sustaiu'iJ : and mortals bow'd 
 
 The fi'ont in self-defence. 
 Who, then, if Dian's crescent gleam d, 
 Of Cupid's spai'kliiig arrt)W strcam'd, 
 Wliile on the wing tlie urchin phiy'd. 
 Could fearlessly approach the thade ? 
 Enough for one soft vernal day, 
 If I, a bard of ebbing time, 
 And uurtur'd in a tickle clime. 
 May haunt this horned bay ; 
 Whose am'rous water multiplies 
 The flitting halcyon's vivid dyes. 
 And smooths its liquid breast to show 
 These swan-like specks of mountain snow, 
 White, as the pair that slid along the plains 
 Of heaven, while Venus held the reins. 
 
 Odoherty. Beautifully recited ; and now touch the bell again, for 
 we're getting prosy. 
 
 Editor. Positively Ensign, we must rise. 
 
 Odoherbj. Having now relinquished the army, I rise by sittini* 
 still, and applying either to study, or will you ring? 
 
 EdiLnr. 'Tis time to be going, 1 believe. I see the daylight peep- 
 ing down the chimney. But sing one good song move, Odoherty, 
 and so wind up the evening. 
 
 Odoherty. {Siiiffs.) 
 
 Aria — With boisterous expression. 
 
 i 
 
 m 
 
 fe 
 
 El 
 
 f=?=^ 
 
 =?=^ 
 
 T^ 
 
 -^=?K 
 
 '-;^^ 
 
 m 
 
 There was a la - dy lived at Leith, a la - dy ve - ry sty-lish, man. And 
 
 
 /r\- 
 
 ^ 
 
 yet, in spite of all her teeth, she fell in love with an I - rish-man, A 
 
 Chorus — Christopher I 
 
 
 -0 fi-i—O- 
 
 
 lt=-W^ 
 
 uas - ty, ug - ly I - riih-man, a wild, Ire - men-dous I - rishinan, A 
 
 
 tcai ■ ing swearing, thumping, bumping, ramping, roaring I - rishman
 
 154 NOCTES AMBROSIAN-E. 
 
 2. 
 
 His face was no -ways beautiful, 
 
 For with sinall-pox "twiis scari-'d across ; 
 And the f.lii.uklers of the ugly dog 
 "Were idjuc'St doubled a yard across. 
 O, the lump of au Irishman 
 The whisky-devouring Iiishman — 
 The great he-rogue, with bis wonderful brogue, the lighting, rioting. Irishman. 
 
 3. 
 
 One of his eyes was bottle-green, 
 
 And the other eye was out, my dear ; 
 And the calves of his wicked looking legs 
 Where more than two feet about, my dear, 
 O, the great big Irishman, 
 The rattling, battling Irishman — 
 The stamping, ramping, swaggering, staggei-iug, leathering swash of an Irishmftn 
 
 4. 
 
 He took so much of Lundy-Foot, 
 
 That he used to snort and snuffle — ; 
 And in shape and size, the fellow's neck, 
 Was as bad as tlie neck of a buffalo. 
 O, the liorrlble Irishman, 
 The thundering, blundering Irishman — 
 The shishing, dashing, smashing, lashing, thrashing, hashing Irishman. 
 
 5. 
 
 His name was a terrible name, indeed, 
 
 Being Timothy Tliady Mulligan ; 
 And whenever he emptied his tumbler of punch, 
 He'd not rest till he tilled it full again. 
 
 The boozing, bruising Irishman, 
 The 'toxicated Irishman — 
 The whisky, frisky, rummy, gummy, brandy, no dandy Irishman. 
 
 This was the lad the lady loved. 
 
 Like all the girls of quality ; 
 And he broke the skulls of the men of Leith, 
 Just by the way of jollity. 
 
 0, the leathering Irishman, 
 The barbarous, savage Irishman — 
 The hearts ol the maids, and the gentlemen's heads, were bother'd, 
 I'm sure, by this Irishman.* 
 
 I think I hear the rattles, Christopher. By Saitit Patrick, there's 
 a row in the street ! C<3me along, old one ! Up with your crutch ! 
 
 {^Exeunt Ambo.) 
 
 * This Bong was -written by Dr. Maginn. — M
 
 NO. II— APRIL, 1822. 
 
 Scene. — The little wainscotted ronm behind — a good Jlre — a tahU 
 covered with books and papers, decanters and glasses. Time — Hine 
 o'clock ill the evening : — a high wind without. 
 
 Present — Mr. Christopher North, and Mr. Buller of Brasennose 
 {seated in arm-chairs at the opposite sides of the fire-place.') 
 
 Mr. North. So — Mr. Buller, you've been reading Henry Macken- 
 zie's Life of John Home.* What say you to the book? I am sure 
 your chief objection is, that it is too short by half. 
 
 Mr. Buller. It is ; for, to tell you the truth, I know very little 
 about the characters with whom Mr. Mackenzie seems to take it for 
 granted that every body is as familiar as himself. Do you remem- 
 ber John Home 1 
 
 North. Perfectly. I remember going out to his farm-house, in 
 East Lothian, and spending two delightful days with him there, so 
 far back as the year seventy-seven. I was then a very stripling, but 
 I can recall a great deal of what he said quite distinctly. After he 
 came to live in Edinburgh, I was not much in Scotland; but I once 
 called upon him, and drank tea with him here, I think about 1807 or 
 1 808 — very shortly before his death. He was, indeed, a fine highly- 
 finished gentleman — and bright to the last. 
 
 Buller. What sort of looking man was he? 
 
 North. A fine, thinking face — extremely handsome he had been in 
 his youth — a dark-gray eye, full of thought, and, at the same time, 
 full of fire — his hair highly curled and powdered — a rich robe-de- 
 (■hambre — pale green, if I recollect, like one John Keinble used to 
 wear — a scarlet waistcoat — a very striking figure, I assure you. 
 
 Buller. He had been a clergyman in his early life ! 
 
 North. Yes, and, you know, left the kirk in consequence of a 
 foolish outcry they were making about his Douglas. I remember 
 him sitting in their General Assembly, however, as an elder — and 
 once dressed in scarlet; for he had a commission in a fencible regi 
 ment. 
 
 * In IS'22, -when his Life of John Home was published. Henry Mackenzie was seventy-fi"p 
 years oW. But his reminiscences of the illustrious men whom he had long survived, wero 
 vivid to the last and extremely graphic. When he di.ed, in 1831, he was eighty-five yea,m 
 old.— M.
 
 15G NOCrES AMBEOSIAN^. 
 
 BuUer. Dr. Adam Fergusson,* too, was in the church at first, I 
 
 think? 
 
 North. He was — and he went out chaplain to the forty-second, m 
 the Seven Years' War. Colonel David Stewart tells a fine story of 
 his hiToism at the battle of Fontenoy. He could not be kept back 
 from the front line. 
 
 Buller. 'Irpejcr fjLSv aWa Maj^r,Tr]f, like somebody in Homer. The 
 S(Otch literati of that time seem to have been a noble set of fellows. 
 (j«v>d God ! how you are fallen off! 
 
 North. We mav thank the Whigs for that — transeat cum ceteris. 
 
 Jhiller. I duu't exactly understand your meaning. Do you allude 
 to the Edinburgh Review? 
 
 North. Certainly, ^Ir. Bidler. They introduced a lower tone in 
 everv thing. In the first place, few oi them were gentlemen either 
 by birth ur breeding — and some of the cleverest of them have always 
 preserved a sort of plebeian snappishness which is mighty disgusting. 
 AVhat would David Hume, for example, have thought of such a set 
 of superHcial chattering bodies'? 
 
 J'luller. David Hume appears in a very amiable light in this 
 volume. He was, after all, a most worthy man, though an infidel. 
 
 North. He was a man of the truest genius — the truest learning— 
 and the truest excellence. His nature was so mild that he could do 
 without restraints, the want of which would have ruined the charac- 
 ter of almost any other man. I love the memory of David Hume — 
 the first historian the modern world has produced — primus absque 
 secundo, to my mind ! His account of the difierent sects and parties 
 in the time of Charles I. is worth all the English prose that has been 
 written since. At least, 'tis well worth half of it. 
 
 JJul/er. Why are not his letters published 1 The few that have 
 been printed are exquisite, — one or two very fine specimens in this 
 very volume — and what a beautiful thing is that notice of his last 
 journey to Bath by the poetf — a few such pages are worth an Ency- 
 clopaedia. 
 
 North. What a sensation was produced in England when that fine 
 constellation of Scotch genius first began to blaze out upon the world! 
 You thought us little better than Hottentots before. 
 
 Buller. And yet Dr. Johnson always somehow or other kept the 
 first place himself 
 
 North. He could not, or would not, make so good books as other 
 
 Tlie Historian. He was chaplain of th" 42d Highlanders, in Flanders, until the peace of 
 Aixla Ciiapelle, and actually joined in the charge of his regiment at Fontenoy. Returning 
 to KdinbufKh, he wa.s chosen Professor of Natural Philosophy, but afterwards took the chair 
 of moral philosophy. His chief work is a •' History of the Roman Republic." He died in IslO, 
 aped hinfty-lwo. — ,M. 
 
 t David Hume's interesting correspondence has since been collected and published, under 
 the editorship uf J. Hill Burton, of Edinburgh. He stands at the head of the modern philoso- 
 phical rkepticn, and hi« History of England is the most permanent jiroof of his ability and 
 re>earcL«<. — U.
 
 JOHN UOME. 157 
 
 people, but God kiKnvs there was a pith al)out old Samuel which 
 nothing could stand up against. His influence was not so much that 
 of an author as of a thinker. lie was the most powerful intellect in 
 the world o{ books. He was the Jackson of the literary ring — tiie 
 judge — the emperor — a giant — acknowledged to be a Saul amnngst 
 the people. Even David Ilume would have been like a woman in 
 his grasp ; but, odd enough, the tAvo never met. 
 
 BiiUer. Y(.iur ^Magazine once had a good Essay on Johnson and 
 Wai'burton. 
 
 North. Yes ; I wrote it myself. But, after all, Warburton was 
 not Johnson's match.* lie had more flame but less heat. Johnson's 
 mind was a furnace — it reduced everything to its elements. We 
 have no truly great critical intellect since his time. 
 
 Biiller. What would he have thought of our modern reviewers? 
 
 Xorth. AVhy, not one of the tribe would have dared to cry mew 
 had he been alive. The terror of him would liave kept them as nmm 
 as mice when there's a cat in the room. If he had detected such a 
 thing as Jeffrey astir, he would have cracked every bone in his body 
 with one worry. 
 
 BiilUr. I can believe it all. Even Gifford would have been 
 annihilated. 
 
 North. Like an ill-natured pug-dog flung into a lion's cage. 
 
 Buller. He did not like your old Scots literati. 
 
 North. lie hated the name of Scotland, and would not condescend 
 to know what they were. Yet he must have admired such a play as 
 Douglas. The chief element of John Home's inspiration seems to 
 have been a sort of stately elevation of sentiment, which must have 
 struck some congenial chords in his own irrcat mind. 
 
 Buller. What is your opinion of John Hc-me as a poet? 
 
 North. I think nobody can bestow too much praise on Douglas. 
 There has been no English tragedy worthy of the name since it 
 appeared. \ 'Tis a noble piece — beautifully and loftily written ; but, 
 after all, the principal merit is in the charming old stt)ry itself. 
 Douglas IS the only true forerunner of the Scotch imaginative litera- 
 ture of our own age. Home's other tragedies are all verv indifferent 
 — most of them quite bad. Mr. Mackenzie should not have disturbed 
 their slumbers. 
 
 Buller. The natural partiality of friendship and affection — 
 
 North. Surely ; and it is most delightful to read his Memoir, 
 simply for its overflowing with that fine strain of sentiments. He is 
 like Ossian, " the last of all his race," and talks of his peers as they 
 
 * Dr Warhurton. Bishop of Gloucester, was more highly praised by .TnhnKon, (in his Life of 
 Pope), tiian iie reaily deserved. He knew a great deal, but knew few things so as lo master 
 them. As an author he wa^ diffuse, coarse, and dogmatical. — M. _ 
 
 t This is one of the instances where North's judgment was clouded by his nationality. Tho 
 tragedy of Douglas by no means merits the high praise here given to it. — M.
 
 15S NOCTES AMllROSIAN^. 
 
 should be talked of. One mav difil'r from his opinions here and 
 there, but there is a halo over' the whole surtkce of his language. 
 Tis lo me a very pathetic work. 
 
 Uiiller. ^Mackenzie is himself a very great author. 
 
 JVVM, A discovery indeed, ]\Ir. Duller ! Henry Arackenzie, sir, 
 is one of the most original in thought, and splendid in fancy, and 
 cliuste ui expression, that can be found in the whole line of our 
 worthies. lie will live as long as our tongue, or longer. 
 
 liuller. AVhich of his works do you like best 1 
 
 Norih. Julia de lioubigne and the story of La Roche. I thought 
 that vein had been extinct, till Adam Blair came out. But Naturo 
 in none of her domains can ever be exhausted. 
 
 Butler. IJiit an author's invention may be exh.uisted, I suppose. 
 
 Xorih. Not easily. You might as well talk of exhausting the 
 Nile as a true genius. People talk of wearing out a man's intel- 
 lectual power, as if it were a certain determinate sum of cash in a 
 strong box. 'Tis more like the income of a princely estate — which, 
 with good management, must always be improving, not falling off. A 
 great author's power of acquisition is in the same ratio with his power 
 of displaying. He who can write well might be able to see well — and 
 his eyes will feed his fancy as long as his fingers can hold the pen. 
 
 liuller. At that rate we shall have three or four more new 
 WavL-rley romances every year 1 
 
 yorlh. 1 hope so. There's old Goethe has written one of the best 
 romances he ever did, within the last twelve months — a most splendid 
 continuation of his Wilhelm Meister — and Goethe was born, I think, 
 in the year 1742. 1 wish ^Mackenzie, who is a good ten years his 
 junior, would follow the example.* 
 
 Buller. Voltaire held on wtmderfully to the last, too. 
 
 Xorth. Ay, there was another true creature ! Heavens ! what a 
 genius was Voltaire's ! So grave, so gay, so profound, so brilliant — 
 his name is worth all the rest in the French literature. 
 
 Bulhr. Always excepting my dear Rabelais. 
 
 yurih. A glorious old fellow, to be sure! Once get into his 
 stream, and try if you can land again ! He is the only man whose 
 mirth exerts the sway of uncontrollable vehemence. His comic is as 
 strong as the tragic of yEschylus himself. 
 
 Buller. We are Pvgmies I 
 
 North. More's the pity. Yet we have our demi-gods too. In 
 maimers and in dignity we are behind the last age — but in genius, 
 properly so called, we are a thousand miles above it. They had 
 little or no poetry then. Such a play even as Douglas Avould, if 
 published noA-a-days, appear rather feeble. It would be better as a 
 
 • liittead of Mackenzie's beinp ten years younger than Goethe, he was four years' older. 
 Wickenzit w»j. born lo 1715, GoelUe ;n 1749— .M.
 
 MODERN statesjhi:n. 159 
 
 play certainly — but the poetry of Byron, Scott, and Wordsworth, 
 would be in men's minds, and they would not take that for poetry, 
 fine though it be. 
 
 Buller. What would people say to one of Shakspearc's plays, were 
 it to be written now ] 
 
 North. The Edinburgh Reviewers would say it was a Lakish 
 Rant. The Quarterly would tear it to bits, growling like a mastifl'. 
 The flict is, that our theatre is at an end, I fear. A new play, to be 
 received triumphantly, would require to have ail the fire and passion 
 of the old drama, and all the chasteness and order of the new. I duulit 
 to reconcile these two will pass the power of any body now living. 
 
 Buller. Try yourself, man. 
 
 North. I never will — but if I did, I should make something 
 altogether unlike anything that has ever been done in our language. 
 Unless I could hit upon some new — really new — key, I should not 
 think the attempt worth making. Even our di'amatic verse is quite 
 worn out. It woidd jiall on one's ear were it written never so well. 
 
 Buller. Why ? Sophocles wrote the same metre with iEschylus. 
 
 North. No more than Shakspeare wrote the same blank verse 
 with Milton — or Byron, in the Corsair, the same measure with the 
 Rape of the Lock. Counting the longs and shorts is not enough, Mr. 
 Bachelor of Arts. 
 
 Bulhr. You despise our English study of the classics. You think 
 it carried too far. I understand your meaning, Mr. North. 
 
 North. 1 doubt that. I suspect that I myself have read as much 
 Greek in my day as most of your crack-men. In my younger days, 
 sir, the glory of our Buchanans and Barclays* was not forgotten in 
 Scotland. In this matter again, we have to thank the blue and 
 yellowt gentry for a good deal of our national deterioration. 
 
 Buller. They are not scholars. 
 
 North. They scholars ! witlings can't be scholars, Buller. Know- 
 ledge is a great calmer of people's minds. Milton would have been 
 a compassionate critic. 
 
 Buller. Are you a compassionate one 1 
 
 North. Sir, I am ever compassionate, when I see anything like 
 nature and originality. I do not demand the strength of a Hercules 
 from every man. Let me have an humble love of, and a sincere 
 aspiration after what is great, and I am satisfied. I am intolerant to 
 nobody but Quacks and Cockneys. 
 
 * There are Jive Barclays, whose names are recorded :— Alexander Barclay, translator of the 
 "Navis Stultifera," or Ship of Fools, died 1532 ; Robert Barclay, author of "An Apology for 
 the Quakers," died 1G90; William Barclay, Professor of Law at Angers, in France, and a great 
 civilian, died 11)05 ; John Barclay, his son, author of '' Kuphoronium," a Latin Satire, and 
 '• Aryenis," a romance, died l(i2l ; and John Barclay, of Cruden, who wrote a rare and curioua 
 work in verse, now very scares, called " A Description of the Roman Catholic Church — .M. 
 
 t " The blue and yellow" was the Eilinh%irgk Review, published with a cs)ver of blue and 
 yellow paper. — M.
 
 160 NOCTES AMBEOSIAN^, 
 
 B idler. ^Vhom you crucify, like a very Czar of Muscovy ! 
 
 Xorth. No, sir, I only hang them up to air, like so many pieces 
 of oKl theatrical finery on the poles of ]\Ionniouth-street. 
 
 Btillcr. But to return to John Home and Henry Mackenzie — I 
 confess. 1 think the History of the Rebellion in 1745 is a far better 
 work than it is generally held to be. 
 
 Xortli. Whv any account of that brilliant episode in our history 
 must needs be fulf of interest, and Hume being concerned so far 
 himself, has preserved a number of picturesque enough anecdotes; 
 but on the whole, the book wants vigor, and it is full of quizzibles ; 
 what can be more absurd than his giving us more pages about the 
 escape of two or three Whig students of Divinity from the Castle of 
 Doune than he spends upon all the wild wandering of the unfortunate 
 Chevalier ? 
 
 Bnller. The young Pretender. 
 
 North. The Chevalier — the Prince, sir. !My father would have 
 knocked any man down that said the Pretender in his presence. 
 
 Bullcr. Ask your pardon, Christopher. I did not know you were 
 
 Jacoliite. 
 
 North. Had 1 lived in those days I should certainly have been 
 one. Look at Horace Walpole's Memoirs, if you wish to see what 
 a paltry set of fellows steered the vessel of the State in the early 
 Hanover reijjns. It is refreshini]; to turn from vour Bedfords, and 
 Newcastles, and Cavendishes, to the Statesmen of our own times. 
 
 Buller. Wait for fifty years till some such legacy of spleen be 
 opened by the heirs of some disappointed statesman now living. 
 
 North. There is something in that, sir ; but yet not much. Sir, 
 nobody will ever be able to bring any disgraceful accusations against 
 the personal honor and probity of the leading Tory statesmen who 
 now rule in England. They are all men of worth and principle. 
 They have their faults, I believe, but no shameful ones. 
 
 Buller. Whom do you place highest? 
 
 North. Lord Lond(jnderry without question. He wants some of 
 the lesser ornaments which set off a public man — I mean in his style 
 of speaking* — but sense, sir, and knowledge, and thorough skill in 
 affairs, are worth all the rest a million times over ; and he has some- 
 thing besides all these, that di^^tinguishes him from every body with 
 wlioui he can at present be compared — a true active dignity and pith 
 of luiitd — the chief element of a ruling character, and worth all the 
 eloquence even of a Burke. 
 
 Bullcr. His fine person is an advantage to him. 
 
 • He tras. fo cJi-fieient as a speaker, confused in ideas, and unable to put thenn, properly, into 
 jpnlences, that iJyron t^aid he was an orator framed in the fashion of Mrs. Malaprop. In action 
 he wa» biild and decisive, in manners trentle and courtly. He committed suicide in August, 
 iT22, while Oeorfe IV. was in Scotland.— M.
 
 JOSEPH HUME. ICl 
 
 North. The grace of the Seymours would be an advantage to 
 any man. But just look at the two sets of people the next time you 
 are in the House of Commons, and observe what a rafRsh-lookin^ 
 crew the modern Whigs are. I'm sure their benches must have a 
 great loss in the absence of George Tierney's bluff face and butf 
 waistcoat.* 
 
 Buller. What manner of man is Joseph Hume % 
 
 North. Did you never see him ? He is a shrewd-looking fellow 
 enough : but most decidedly vulgar. Nobody that sees him could 
 ever for a moment suspect him of being a gentleman born.f He has 
 the air of a Montrose dandy, at this moment, and there is an intoler- 
 able affectation about the creature. I suppose he must have sunk 
 quite into the dirt since Croker curried him. 
 
 Buller. I don't believe anything can make an impression on him. 
 A gentleman's whip would not be felt through the beaver of a coal- 
 heaver. Depend on't, Joseph will go on just as he has been doing. 
 
 North. Why, a small matter will make a man who has once 
 ratted, rat again. We all remember what Joe Hume was a few 
 years ago. 
 
 Buller. A Tory? 
 
 North. I would not prostitute the name so far ; but he always 
 voted with them. J As a clever poet of last year said — 
 
 " I grant you he never behaved, anno 12, ill — 
 He always used then to chime in with Lord Melville. 
 There weie words, I remember, he used to pronounce ill; 
 But he always supported the Orders in Council. 
 At the Whigs it was then his chief pleasure to rail — 
 He opposed all the Catholic claims, tooth and nail ; 
 Nay, he carried his zeal to so great an excess, 
 That he voted against Stewart Wortley's address ; 
 And while t)thers were anxious for bringing in Canning — 
 His principal jjoint seemed to be to keep Van in."| 
 
 Buller. What a memory you have ! Joseph has not so good a 
 one, I'll swear, or he would not look the Tories in the face after such 
 a ratting ! 
 
 North. Why, no wonder then he hates the Tories. They never 
 
 • Tierney, ■wro had been a sort of Parliamentary leader of the Whigs, wis not in Parliamer.t 
 in 1S2'2. In lh27. Canning made him Master of the Mint, which he resigned, early in lS2a, 
 (wnnn Lord Godcricn retired from the Premiership), and died in IS3(). In the bluff face, and bafl 
 waistcoat, and I might add the blufl manner in which he spoke, an imitation of Fox wa* 
 palpable. — M. 
 
 t Nor was he. Hume's mother kept a small stand, on market-days, in Montrose, and Foz 
 Maule (afterwards Lord Panmure), was seized with a whim of apprenticing him to a druggist 
 which led to his becoming a surgeon in the East Indies, where he made a fortune. — M. 
 
 X Hume, originally entered Parliament, from January to iVoveraber, It<l2,as a Tori^ member 
 for tlie Borough Weymouth. In lbl8, when he returned to the House of Commons, it was as 
 B, Radical member for Montrose. — M. 
 
 II h>ee Letter to a Friend in the Countiy. London, Triphook. 1821.— C.N. f" Van" meant 
 Mr. ■^''ansittart. Chancellor of the Exchequer, afterwards Lord Bexley.] — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 13
 
 102 NOCTES AMBROSIA NJ2. 
 
 thought of him while he was with them — and now the Whigs do talK 
 of Joe as if he were somebody. But as John Bull says — 
 
 " A very small man with the Tories 
 Is a very great man 'moDg the Whigs T 
 
 Biiller. If vou were to rat, North, what a rumpus they would 
 make about you ! \N by, they would lift you on their shoulders, and 
 huzza till you were tired. 
 
 Xurth. That Mould not be long. Away with stinking breath, say 1. 
 
 Buller. At fust they pretended to ay you were dull. But that 
 was soon over. Jeflrey persuaded them that would never pass, I air- 
 told. 
 
 North. I can believe it. Jeffrey is a king among the blind. 
 
 Buller. 1 suppose he hates you cordially, however. 
 
 North. No doubt, in a small toothy way : just as a rat hates a 
 terrier. But what makes you always speak about him 1 I'm sure 
 you don't mind such folks. 
 
 Buller. Not much ; but, next to abusing one's friends, what, after 
 all, is so pleasant as abusing one's enemies'? 
 
 North. Try praising them, my friend : You'll find that embitters 
 them far. more fiercely. There's an air of superiority about com- 
 mendation which makes a man wince to his backbone. The Whigs 
 can't endure to be lauded. 
 
 Bulltr. Thats the reason you always lash them, I presume. 
 
 North. Me lash them ! I would as soon get on horseback to spear 
 a tailor. I just tickle their noses with the tip of my thong. Put me 
 into a passion, and 111 show you what lashing is. 
 
 Bulltr. I have no curiosity, Christopher. I'll take it all upon 
 trust. When you cock your wig awry, you look as if you could eat 
 a Turk. 
 
 North. I would rather eat any thing than a Whig. When you 
 cut them up, 'tis all stuffing, and skin and gall. 
 
 BulUr. ihey cry each other up at a fine rate. 
 
 North. Why, I believe there is but one animal who may, in a 
 certain sense, commit all crimes with impunity, and its name is; 
 Whig. To have been detected in the basest embezzlement of money 
 Would not hinder one of them from being talked of as the light of the 
 age. I suppose the next thing will be to have some habit and repute 
 thief or housebreaker proposing a reformation of the criminal code. 
 A Whig is never cut by the Whigs. Fox and Tom Erskine stuck 
 by Arthur O'Ojnnor to the last, and swore that they believed him to 
 have the same political principles as themselves.* I suppose, in 
 spite of his behavior to Mackerivl, Brougham could get a certificate! 
 Even Bennet is something with them still ! 
 
 • O'Connor was tried for high treason.— M.
 
 MTTCnELL S AEISTOPUANES. 1G3 
 
 Bidkr. Not much. 'Tis a fine thing to be Whig, however. How 
 the Chaldee would have been praised had it been written against the 
 lories ! 
 
 North. Why the English Tories would have laughed at it, and 
 (he Scotch Tories would have joined trembling with iheir mirth — and 
 Jamie Hogg would have been dinnered to his death, poor fellow. 
 
 Buller. I have a sort of Im-king hereditary respect for the name 
 of W hig. I can't bear its having come to designate such people. 
 
 North. What stuff is this? You might as well wax wroth because 
 a cicerone is not the same thing with a Cicero, nor a bravo the same 
 thing with a brave man. 
 
 Buller. Wliy is it that the Whigs attack you so much more bit- 
 terly than they do Giffbrd'? 
 
 North. Why, Mr. Duller, the crow always darts first at thk eye. 
 
 Bvller. Their attacks on you are as zealous as their laudations of 
 themselves. 
 
 North. And as ineffectual. 
 
 " Talk and s]>.are not for speech, and at last you •will reach, 
 And the proverb hold good, I opine, sirs, 
 In npite of ablution, scetit and perfume, pollution 
 ahow'd still that the sow was a'swine, sirs." 
 
 Buller. What is that you are quoting now? 
 
 North. Aristophanes — Mitchell, I mean.* I think the verses are 
 in his version of The Wasps. 
 
 Buller. I have not seen his new volume yet. Is it as good as the 
 first? 
 
 North. I don't know. The dissertations on the first volume were 
 the most popular things in it, and there are no dissertations in this ; 
 but, 'tis full of capital notes, and the translation is quite in the same 
 spirited style. Nothing can be more true, I imagine. I am quite 
 sure nothing can be more spirited or more graceful. 
 
 Buller. That's high praise from a Cynic like you, Mr. Christopher. 
 I suppose 'tis the first thing of the sort in our language, however. 
 
 North. Oh ! most certainly it is so. None of the ancient drama- 
 tists have ever had anything like justice done them before. There is 
 so much poetry in some of the passages in this last volume, that I 
 can't but wish Mitchell would take some of the tragedians in hand 
 next. What a name might he not make if he could master iEschylus* 
 as well as he has done Aristophanes ? or perhaps some of Euripides' 
 ])lays would fall more easily into his management. I wish he would 
 try the Bucch£e or the Cyclops. 
 
 * Thomas Mitchell's chief title to fame rests upon his admirable translation into English 
 Terse, of the Plays of Aristophanes. He was a good philologist; v.-rote several papers iu the 
 (Quarterly Review, on subjects connected with Greek manners and literature ; and edited a few 
 of the classical works printed at the Clarendon press, Oxford. He died in la45. aged sixty-two 
 — M-
 
 2Q^ NOCTES AinjROSIAN^. 
 
 Biilkr. Spout a little piece more of him, if you can. 
 
 North. I will give you part of a passage that I consider nohody 
 has s(. cooJ a right to quote as myself; for 1 am the true represent- 
 ative of the Vetiis Comivdia — 
 
 " When the swell of private rage foam'd indignant, that The Stage 
 
 Diirtd upbraid lawloss love and alFection, 
 And wiird our poets speech, (guilty pleaRures not to reach) 
 
 Sli.iuld assume a more lowly direction: — 
 Did he hoed the loud nproof ? No — he wisely kept aloof, 
 
 And si>urii'd at corruption's base duress; 
 For never could he choose, to behold his dearest Muse, 
 
 In the dress of a wanton procuress." 
 
 Bulkr. Why, this certainly looks as if it had been written sinco 
 Rimini and Juan. 
 
 North. Listen, man — 
 
 " "VMien first the scenic trade of instruction he essay'd, 
 
 M<)uiitrri>, not tnen, were his game, sirs; 
 Strange Leviathans, that ask'd strength and mettle, and had task'd 
 
 Alcides, their fury to tame, sirs!" 
 
 BnUer. The Shepherd of Chaldea may hold up his head now, I think. 
 North. Hush — 
 
 " In peril atid alarms was his 'prenticeship of arms, 
 
 NN ilh a SHARK fight and battle essaying. 
 From whose eyes stream'd baleful liglit, like the blazing balls of sight 
 
 "Which in Cynna's (i/ufri/, Jrfi'rti/x?) fierce face are seen playing. 
 Swalhed and bauded round his head five-score sycopliants were fed — 
 
 Ever slav"i-ing, and licking, and glueing, (i/onng Whigs to be sure,) 
 While his Voice scream'd loud and hoarse, like the torrent's angry course. 
 
 When death and destruction are brewing. 
 Rude the portent, fierce and fell, did its sight the poet quell. 
 
 Was he seen to a truce basely stooping? 
 Iso; his blows still fell unsparing that and next year, when came warring 
 
 With foes of a dittereut trooping." 
 
 Buller. No! nobody can say that of you, Christopher. 
 
 North. There's another passage — a semi-chorus of Wasps, which I 
 must give you. It seems as if I heard a certain " clever old body" 
 singing in the midst of all his disjecta membra. 
 
 " O the days that are gone by. the days so blithe and bland, 
 When my foot was strong in dance, and the spear was in my band. 
 Then my limbs and years were green, I could t<;il and yet to spare, 
 Acd the foemau, to his cost, knew what strength and mettle are. 
 
 the days that are gone by, <fec. 
 
 Enter Mr. Ambrose. 
 Mr. Ambrose. Mr. Tickler! [^Enter Mr. Tickler. 
 
 Tickler. Ila! Buller, my dear boy — may you live a thousand 
 years.
 
 WORDSWORTH AND DEYDEN. 165 
 
 Buller. Allow me to congratulate you on your marriage. I trust 
 Mrs. Tickler is tolerably well — not complaining very much? 
 
 Tickler. No bantering, you dog — I might marry without losing 
 any good fellowship, which is more than you can say, Mr. Brazen" 
 nose. Why the devil don't you all marry at Oxford? What could 
 be more interesting than to see Christ Church Walk swarming with 
 the wives, children, and nurses of senior fellows? 
 
 Buller. Spare us, Tickler, spare us. What are you about 1 Not 
 a single article of yours has gladdened England for a twelvemonth. 
 
 Tickler. I am engaged on the Pope Controversy.* My work will 
 embrace three quarto volumes. I begin with pointing out the differ 
 ence between nature and art, which has been often written about, but 
 never understood. Do you know the difference ? 
 
 Buller. No ! — confound me if I do. 
 
 Tickler. Take an illustration. Mr. Bowles walking to church in a 
 suit of black — with a gown, bands, and shovel hat — is an artificial 
 object, though he may not think so ; and therefore, according to his 
 own principles, an unfit theme for the highest species of poetical 
 compi')sition. So is Mr. Bowles in his night-shirt and night-cap — but 
 Mr. Bowles going in to bathe in pitris naiuraliljus, is artificial no more 
 — he is a natural — and, as such, a fit subject for the loftiest song. 
 
 North. Very well, Tickler — but I love and respect Bowles. 
 
 Tickler. Very well. North — but I love and respect Pope. And 
 of all the abject and despicable drivelling, ever drivelled by clerk or 
 layman, is all that late drivelling about the eternal principles of 
 poetry, and the genius of the Bard of Twickenham. Why, there is 
 more passion in that one single line of Eloisa to Abelard, " Give all 
 thou can'st, and let me dream the rest," than in all the verses Mr. 
 Bowles ever wrote in his life, or Mr. Campbell either. 
 
 Buller. Wordsworth says Dryden's Ode is low, and vulgar, and 
 stupid. 
 
 Tickler. Wordsworth is an ass — that is, as great an ass as Dryden. 
 Pray, is his poem of Alice Fell worth a bad farthing ? Only think 
 of the author of the Lyrical Ballads sitting by himself in a post-chaise, 
 driving like the very devil into Durham. No poet ought to have 
 made such a confession. Besides, it is well-known that it was a 
 re<(/r«-chaise, and I question if the post-boy " who drove in fierce 
 career," (such are the Bard's absurd words) gave his master the coin 
 1 snrewdly suspect he fobbed it. 
 
 North. Stop, Tickler — you are becoming personal. I discounte- 
 nance all personalities, either here or elsewhere. 
 
 Tickler. I beg your and Mr. Wordsworth's pardon. I mean nc 
 
 • The Pope Controversy, (as it ■was called) was carried on by Bowles. Campbell, Byron, Dr. 
 Gilchrist, Roscoe, and three or four minor writers. Tlie dispute ramified into a variety olsub- 
 jftcts, but the main question was — Was Pope a Poet? — M.
 
 IQCt NOCTES AMBE0SIAi«fJ3. 
 
 disrespect to that gentleman — but as long as my name is Tickler, ho 
 shall not abuse Dnden without getting abused himself. 
 
 Xnrtfi. Whv, Tickler — many of the poets of our days are, with all 
 their genius, a set of enormous Spoons. Wordsworth walks about 
 the woods like a great satyr, or rather like the god Pan ; and piping 
 awav upon his reed, sometimes most infernally out of tune, he thinks 
 \u' \'< listening, at the very least, to music equal to that of the spheres, 
 and that nobody can blow a note but himself. 
 
 Jinller. Av, ay, Mr. North — there is Satan reproving sin, as you 
 presVivturs are wont to say. Believe me, you have never yet done 
 Soutlu'v justice in your work. He is a splendid genius. Ilis mind 
 has a high tone. Southey, sir, is one of the giants. 
 
 Tick er. Why, the \Vhigs, and Iladicals, and Reformers, abuse Mr. 
 Southey, I observe, because, when an enthusiastic youth, soon after 
 the French Revolution, he spoke and wrote a quantity of clever 
 nonsense ; and twenty years afterwards, when a wise man, he spoke 
 and wrote a far greater quantity of saving knowledge. 
 
 Duller. Just so : you could not state the fact better, were you to 
 talk an hour. 
 
 Tickler. Pray, North, are you for pulling down Lord Nelson's 
 Monument? 
 
 North. It is no great shakes of an erection ; but I would let it 
 stand. 
 
 Tickler. If Lord Nelson's Monument is to be pulled down,* because 
 a better one might be built up, then I have a small proposal to make, 
 namely that the whole New Town of Edinburgh shall be pulled 
 down. Does there exist in Europe — in the world — a more absurd, 
 stupid, and unmeaning street than George's-street ? Why, this very 
 tavern of Mr. Ambrose,} admirable as it is beyond all earthly 
 taverns, ought on the same principle to be pulled down. But may 1 
 never live see that time ! \^Much affected. 
 
 Bailer. You will pardon me, my beloved and honored friends, but 
 do you not think that the " Modern Athens," as applied to the good 
 town of Edinburgh, is pure humbug? 
 
 [Tickler and Nokth rlsinci from their chairs at once. 
 
 Both. Humbug ! aye, humbug, indeed, Buller ! 
 
 Bnller. 1 wish to hear Mr. Tickler. He is the elder. 
 
 T.ckler. No, sir, I am no Elder. 1 never stood at the plate; but 
 young as I am, 1 am old enough to recollect the day when such an 
 
 • On the rocky apex of the Calton Hill, in Edinburgh, (an elevation of 350 feet above the Isvel 
 of the »t»l, FlanJii a monument to Lord Nelson, in thi- form of a tall shaft springing from an 
 octaconal bajie As .1 work of art, nothing can be meaner. But the panoramic view from its 
 ■umniit u niaenificent. embracing views on land and water, with the city lyin;; far beneath.
 
 THE NEW rAKTIIENON. 1G7 
 
 impertinence would not have been tolerated in Auld Reekie. lu 
 the days of Smith, and Hume, and Robertson, we wero satisfied with 
 our national name, and so were we during a later dynasty of genius, 
 of which old Mackenzie still survives; but ncw-a-days, when with 
 the exception of Scott, yourself North, and myself, and a few others, 
 there is not a single man of power or genius in Edinburgh, the prigs 
 call \h(imse\v&^ Athenians ! Why, j^ou may just as appropriately 
 call the first Parallelogram, that shall be erected on Mr, Owen's 
 plan, the Modern Athens, as the New Town of Edinburgh. 
 
 Bnller. Excellent, excellent, go on. 
 
 Tickler. Where are our sculptors, painters, musicians, orators, poets, 
 and philosophers ? — But give me my tumbler of gin-twist, f()r I am 
 sick. — [Drinks and recovers.) — The ninnies have not even the sense 
 to know that our Calton Hill is no more like the Acropolis than 
 Lord Buchan* is like Pericles, or Jeffrey like Dejnosthenes. It is 
 the Castle Rock that is like the Acropolis, or may be said to be so ; 
 and if the Partlienon is to be built at all, it must be built on the 
 Castle Rock. This is the first egregious blunder of our Modern 
 Athenians. 
 
 Bnller. Take another tift — now for blunder second. 
 
 Tickler. It is all one great, big, blown, blustering blunder together. 
 We are Scotsmen, not Greeks. We want no Parthenon — we are 
 entitled to none. There are not ten persons in Edinburgh — not one 
 Wliig I am sure, who could read three lines of Homer '■'■ad aper 
 turani libri." There are pretty Athenians for you! Think of shoals 
 of Scotch artisans, with long lank greasy hair, and corduroy breeches, 
 walkiiicr in the Parthenon ! 
 
 Bnller. Spare me, spare me — not a word more. 
 
 Tickler. Nay, we are to ha\ e the Kirk of Scotland in the naked 
 simplicity of her worship, put under the tutelary power of the 
 V^irgin Goddess. Will the Scottish nation submit to this? 
 
 North. How fares the subscription for this Parthenon ? 
 
 Tickler. One parish has subscribed, I understand, about nine gui- 
 neas — Aberdoiir, I think. One old farmer there, has come forward 
 with a sixpence for the Grand National Monument ;f but perhaps he 
 has not yet advanced the sum : it is only on paper. 
 
 North. It seems to me, that if the people of Scotland really desire 
 a National Monument, they will build one. They are not building 
 one — ergo, they do not desire one. 
 
 • The Earl of Buchan. who affected to be the patron of Art and Letters in Edinburgh, -yas a 
 Bill/ nobleman, whose two brothers were eminently gifted. One, Thomas Erslcine. went to tho 
 Kngli.sh Bar and rose to the Chancellorship, with a peerage. The other, Henry Erskine, wa-sa 
 member of the Scottish Bar. eminently shrewd, witty, and learned. — M. 
 
 t The iN'ational Monument, whicli was an unfortunaie attempt to imitate the Parthenon of 
 Athens, was erecte.d between l-'vi4 and 1S3U, (>n one of the summits of the Calton Hill. Tt never 
 was, .^nd never will be completed, and its thiiteeu columns simply record the expeniiture of 
 £-20,UUU.— M.
 
 IQ$ NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Tidier, ^richac-1 Linning goes incessantly about poking the public 
 on the posteriors, and pointing to a subscription paper, but tlie public 
 won't stir. Siiih conduct is vury tt-asiiig in Michael Linning, and 
 vhould not l)e pL-rniittcd. 
 
 liiiUer. Will, ht MIc-IkkI Linning go to the devil. — But I wish to 
 know what all the young Whigs are abc>ut. I see none of them ! 
 
 TtckUr. Look into a ditch in dry droughty weather, and you will 
 behold a sad mortality among the tadpoles. The poor Powheads, 
 (see Dr. Jaruieson) arc all baked up together in a mud-pie, and not 
 a wrigulc is in the ditch. 
 
 Nurth. Whv, Duller, in other times these tadpoles shot out legs 
 and arms, and" became small bouncing frogs. Their activity was 
 surprising, and their croak loud. But the race is nearly extinct, and 
 in a few years must be entirely so ; for the old frogs don't spawn 
 now — very seldom at least ; and when they do, the spawn is cither 
 not prolific, or immediately destroyed. Now and then a young 
 Whi<' or two comes forth, nobody can conjecture whence ; but we 
 either take him and throw him aside, or he leaps oft" himself into 
 6ome crevice or cranny, and is no more seen. 
 
 Buller. I cannot agree with you, Tickler, in thinking Jeffi'ey a poor 
 creature. 
 
 Tickler. I don't think him a poor creature — I never said so. But 
 
 I think he is a small-minded man. Ilis ambition is low. lie talks 
 about it — and about it — and about it. He is contented to be a critic 
 — that is, a palaverer. His politics are enough to damn him for ever, 
 as no Scotchman. But he is not worth talking about. He is just 
 like a small l)lack-f;iccd mountain sheep, who, spying a gap in a fence, 
 bolts through it with his hinder clooties jerked up pertly and yet 
 timidly in the air, and is immediately followed by all the wethers 
 and ewes, who ask no questions at their Leader, but wheel round 
 about upon you with spiral horns, and large gray glowering eyes, as 
 much as to say, "What think you o' thatf We think merely, that 
 they are a set of silly sheep, whose wool is not worth the clipping, — 
 but that do very well when cut vp. 
 
 Buller. I observed t'other day an article in the Edinburgh Review, 
 in which Oriel College is described as a sink, into which ran every 
 thing vile and loathsome, and Coplestone sneered at as a pompous 
 ninny. In the next number, Oriel College was said to be the most 
 distinguished in Europe, I believe, and Coplestone one of the most 
 illustrious writers of the age. Must not Jellrey, if a gentleman and 
 
 II scholar, or a gentleman and no scholar, which I believe is the case, 
 feel ashamed of such childish and beggarly contradiction as this? 
 What right has he to make a fool of himself to that extent? is not 
 Jen'rcy an Oxonian? 
 
 Nurlh. 1,'pwards of thirty years ago, he remauied for a few weeks
 
 THE NEW MONTH LT. 169 
 
 in a small garret in Queen's — does that make liim an Oxonian'? — 
 But enough of this little personage. Tickler, start a new subjeot. 
 
 Tickler. 1 hate novelties. Is the prosecution mania about to sub- 
 sifle, think you % Now-a-days, every word is said to be actionable. 
 Yoti cannot open your mouth, or put pen to paper, without feeing a 
 li'oel-hnvyer. An Edinburgh Whig, and really some of the London 
 ones seom no better, is an animal without a skin. True, he is often 
 covered with long shaggy hair, and he roars like an absolute lion; 
 but the instant you give him a kick, or stir him up with a long pole, 
 he begins to yell out in the most piteous strain, and you trenii)le lest 
 you have killed him. You then perceive that under this formidable- 
 looking hair, the creature's body is quite raw, and that a prick with 
 the point of the pen gives him intolerable anguish. Nay, if you but 
 turn the round nose of a quill towards him, he bellows ; and more 
 than once have I put him to flight with my keelie-vine.* 
 
 Buller. What is the Prosecution-mania? 
 
 Tickler. The Whigs here have, as you know, been laughing at 
 every body for twenty years — indulging in every species of stupid 
 personalities and slanders — nay, they are doing so still hourly — in 
 all the envenomed bitterness of impotent and mauled malice — and 
 yet they have entered into a cowardly compact to prosecute every 
 syllable that shall ever be written against any one of their degraded 
 and slanderous selves. Is not this base and cravenlike ? These are 
 the Slaves of Freedom — the dolts of wit — these are our modern 
 AtJieniaus. 
 
 North. I am a prejudiced person — what thuik you of the London 
 periodicals lately, Tickler? 
 
 T'icklrr. Campbell's Magazine is a respectable work, on the whole. 
 It is seldom very personal, although sometimes. That, in my opinion, 
 is a great point, whether gained or lost, it is hard to decide. It is 
 often unaccountably dull. It cannot be read after dinner, at the 
 fireside, with your feet on the fender, and your back on an easy 
 chair, without immediate sleep. But that is a severe test to try any 
 periodical by. It has no plan, aim, object, or drift. You are swim- 
 ming in fresh water ; there is no buoyancy, one number is precisely 
 like another — sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less dull — 
 that is all, and it is a distinction without a difference. 
 
 liullcr. What think you of its politics? 
 
 Tickler. Very badly. Its politics consist in concealed, suppressed, 
 discontented, yawmering (see the Dr.) whiggism. There is nodiing 
 manly in them — be a Tory — be a Whig — but don't go mumbling 
 your political opinions, and stuttering out sentiments of liberty, and 
 whispering reform below your breath. If you have got any thing to 
 say, out with it; if not, shut your mouth, or open it and go to bed. 
 
 • Kcdie-vine ; — a pen, a pencil of black or red lead. — M
 
 170 NOCTES AMRROSIAN^. 
 
 BuUer. I intend to take Campbell's Magazine, for I wish to know 
 his opinion of his contemporaries. 
 
 Tickler. Do vou ? Put him on the rack then, or threaten to break 
 his bones on the wheel ; fur without some prompt and vigorous mea- 
 sure uf that sort, he will utter nothing satisfactory. lie gels Cock- 
 neys to criticise his contemporaries. 
 
 Xorfh. Who are the poor creatures? 
 
 Tickler. Wliat ! you pretend you don't know. But let them rest. 
 It is a sad sight to see a true poet and gentleman like Tom Campbell 
 with such paltry associates, to hear the Attic bee murmuring among 
 a set of blue-bottle-flies, moths, and midges. Wasps are better than 
 great fat stingless bummers . . . But notwithstanding, Campbell's 
 M.-igazine is a very respectable one, and I will not suffer you, North, 
 out of pure jealousy, to run it down. You ought rather to give it a 
 lift — if it does not deserve, it at least requires one. 
 
 Ndrth. Tickler, if you saw Tom Campbell falling out of a window- 
 four stories high would you try, at the risk of your bones, to break 
 his fall ? Would it make any ditlerence whether he had flung himself 
 over, or Mr. Colburn had insidiously opened the sash and enticed 
 him over? Not a whit. You would stand out of the way. There 
 can bo no successful interference with the great laws of nature, espe- 
 cially gravitation. 
 
 Uuller. Taylor and Hessey's Magazine — is it better? 
 
 Tickler. Sometimes much better, and often much worse. Elia 
 in his happiest moods delights me ; he is a fine soul ; but when he is 
 dull, his dulness sets human stupidity at defiance. He is like a well- 
 bred, ill-trained pointer. He has a fine nose, but he won't or can't 
 range. lie keeps always close to your foot, and then he points larks 
 and titmice. You see him snuffing and snoking and brandishing his 
 tail with the most impassioned enthusiasm, and then drawn round 
 into a semicircle he stands beautifully — dead set. You expect a 
 burst of partridges, or a towering cock-pheasant, when lo, and behold, 
 away flits a lark, or you discover a mouse's nest, or there is abso- 
 lutely nothing at all. Perhaps a shrew has been there the day bef<)re. 
 I'et if p]lia were mine, I would not part with him, for all his fiiults.* 
 
 Bit Her. Who, in the name of St. Luke's, Bedlam, and the Retreat 
 at York, is the English Opium-Eater? He ought to go to Smyrna. 
 
 Tickler. The English Opiuin-Eater would be an invaluable con- 
 tributor to any periodical, especially if it were published once in the 
 four years.f He threatened to make the London Magazine the 
 
 o 
 • In later years. Lamb die! write for B'nr>ticood.— M. 
 we 
 
 t l)e Q'lincey, speaking of tlie LnnJon Magazine, says, "Meantime, the following writers 
 ere, in l>^il-:H. among my own CollnbornteuTX ;—C\\&ries Lamb : Hazlitt : Allan Cunning- 
 ham ; Hood ; Hamilton Reynolds; Gary, the unrivalled translator of Dante; Crowe, the I'uDlio 
 Orator of Oxford. And so well were all departments provided for, that even the monthly ab- 
 stract of politics, brief as it necessarily was. had been confided to the care of Phillips, the cele- 
 Lratcd Iruh barri»t»r."— There were others, among whom were John Clare, th« peasULt n.et
 
 THE MAGAZINES. I^l 
 
 receptacle of all the philosophy and literature of Germany. " Os 
 niairna sonatunim !" " Vox et nihil prceterea." 
 
 jYur/h. ^^ hen he writes again in the London Magazine, it will he 
 well worth half-a-crown. By the way, Tickler, what do you think 
 of the Continuation of Dr. Johnson's Lives of the Poets in that 
 periodical? 
 
 TkkUr. Mere quackery.* Why, the compiler manufactures a life 
 of this and that poet from materials in every body's hands, and then 
 boldly calls it "A Continuation of Dr. Johnson's Lives," &c. There 
 seems no attempt to imitate his style at all. According to this 
 notion, every thing that comes after another is a continuation of it 
 Is this quackery, or is it not. North 1 
 
 North. I see no harm in a little quackery; all we editors are 
 quacks. I acknowledge myself to be a quack. 
 
 Tickler. Ay, here carousing over Ambrosia and Nectar. But 
 would you, publicly ? 
 
 North. Yes ; on the top of St. Paul's — or in my own Magazine, 
 that is, before the whole universe. — Buller, what are you about? 
 
 Buller. Mr. North, have you seen a new periodical called the 
 Album % 
 
 North. I have; it promises well.f The editor is manifestly a 
 gentleman. The work is on beautiful paper, admirably printed, and 
 the articles are well written, elegant and judicious. 1 think that in 
 all probability the next number will be better. The editor has not 
 attempted to make a splash-dash-flash all at once; but he ha? stuff in 
 him, 1 know that, and so have some of his coadjutors. I know him 
 and them extremely well ; 1 pat them on the back, bid them be good 
 Vioys, and always S})ea.k truth, and they will have nothing to fear. 
 
 Tickler. Nothing amuses me more than to see Magazines — which, 
 after all, are not living beings, but just so many stitched sheets of 
 letter-press, ^02/(y to logijerJieads and beconnng personal. Up jumps 
 Ebony's Magazine, and plants a left-handed lounge on the bread- 
 basket of Taylor and Hessej's. That periodical strips instanter, a 
 ring is formed, and the numbers are piping hot as mutton-pies. Can 
 
 of Xorthamptonshire ; Talfourd, then the undistinguished, but future author of" Ion ;" Wain- 
 wriyht, whose nuiii dfjiliime was "Janus Weathercock." whose crimes subsequently supplied 
 real traa:i<; incidents, on which Bulwer founded his domestic romance— full of tragic interest — 
 called "Lucrelia; or the Children of Niphtl" I think, too, that Haydon sometimes wrote for 
 Till- I.omtvn, which gave etchings from his pictures of Christ's Agony in the Garden, and the 
 Kiilry into Jerusalem. With such an array of contributors, the London Magazine should 
 have llonrished. In the words of the Irish Keeners, when they apostrophize the departed whose 
 remains lie cold before them, we might ask, "Ah. why did you die?" — M. 
 
 * To continue Johnson's Lives of tlie IVets might have been 'mere quackery," in North's 
 opinion, hut tlie Continuator was Ihe Rev. Henry Francis Cary, the Translator of Dante, of 
 llie odes of I'indar, and of the ' IJirds of Aristophanes."— In the last London edition of John- 
 son's Lives of the I'oels, beautifully illustratnd, the continuation by Cary has been incorpo- 
 rated, and gives additional value to a work, which, with many faults (for Johnson had numerous 
 literary and personal prejudices), is one of the most remarkable books in the J-Inglish languag* 
 nut luaving been commenced until the author was seventy years old I— Cary 'lied in IS'14.— M. 
 
 \ It was edited by Charles Knight (assisted, I believe, by Charles Oilier, author of " Ineseila'") 
 ai;d was short-lived. — AL
 
 1 7ii NOCTF.S AifBROSIANJi:. 
 
 anv thing be more ridiculous? Colburn's Magazine, on the other 
 hand, is "a Corinthian, and won't show fij/ht. AH I mean is, that 
 Mnfrazinos ouijht not to (juaiTf] ; there are snufl-dealers and pastry 
 cooks euijw fur us all ; and a sale will be found for us all at hvst. 
 
 North. Who the devil is more pugnacious than yourself, Tickler 1 
 Why, you lav about you like a bull in a china shop. 
 
 TtcUer. Not at all. 1 have serious intentions of turning Quaker 
 If not — certainly a clergyman. Quakers and parsons may be as per 
 Konal as they ehoose. The same man might then either give or take 
 the lie direct, who would, as a layman, have boggled at the retort 
 courteous. 
 
 Xorth. What is the world saying now about me, do you think, my 
 Tickler \ 
 
 TickU r. They flatter you so in all directions, that you must becomo 
 a sj>oiled child. A few weeks ago I met an elderly young woman in 
 a coach coing to Glasgow, who could not speak of you without tears. 
 She said you were the most pathetic man she had ever read. The 
 coach was crowded — there were seven of us inside, for we had kindly 
 taken in a grazier during a hail-storm near Westcraigs, and there was 
 not a single dissentient voice. 
 
 North. Did the grazier entertain the same sentiments as the lady ? 
 
 Tickler. lie said, Mith a smile that would have graced a slaughter- 
 house, that it was not the first Stot you had knocked down. The 
 lady seemed to understand the allusion, and blushed. 
 
 North. Did you proceed to Glasgow 1 
 
 Tickler. Yes ; I had been elected an honorary member of the 
 " Oriental Club of the West." I went to take my scat. They are 
 a set of most admirable despots. We all sat cross-legged like Turks 
 or tailors, as if Glasgow had been Constantinople. I will give you a 
 description of us for your next Number. 
 
 North. Do so. But then the London people will say it is local. 
 And why not? London itself is the most provincial spot alive. Let 
 our ^Magazine be read in the interior of Africa, along with either, or 
 both of the two Monthlies, and which will seem most of a cosmopo- 
 lite to the im[)artial black population? Ebony. The London people, 
 with their theatres, operas, Cockneys. &c., &c., are wholly miintel- 
 ligible out of their own small town. The truth must be told them — 
 Lonflon is a very small insignificant pluce.* Our ambition is, that 
 our wit shall be local all over the world. 
 
 TickUr. It is so. It is naturalized in all the kingdoms of the 
 earth. What can John Bull mean by saying he does not understand 
 many of your allusions? He is mistaken. John Bull understands 
 every thing worth understanding — and therefore, his knowledge of 
 Ebony is complete. But even if he did not, is it not pleasant some- 
 
 • Yei'— partioularly in 1854, with a population of 2,500,000.— M.
 
 JOHN BULL AND EBONY. 1.73 
 
 times to see things under a tender, obscure, and hazy light? John 
 Bull's notices to correspondents I do not always thoroughly under- 
 stand ; but I read them with delight: and I never lay down a No. of 
 his paper without repeating that wise saw of Hamlet, "There aro 
 more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy." 
 
 North. It is not at all like John, B>ill to accuse us of lauuhin" 
 occasionally at the Quarterly Review, "because there has been a quar- 
 rel between Bhickwood and Murray." What do we care about 
 Blackwood or Murray ? Not one sous. But when, how, why, or 
 where did these mighty personages quarrel % I never heard of it 
 before last Wednesday. 
 
 Tickler. Don't you recollect, North, some years ago, that Murray's 
 name was on our title-page ; and that, being alarmed for Subscrip- 
 tion Jamie, and Harry Twitcher,* he took up his pen and scratched 
 his name out, as if he had been Emperor of the West, signing an 
 order for our execution ? The death-warrant came down, but we are 
 still alive. 
 
 North. I do indistinctly remember reading something to that effect 
 in a Whig newspaper, but of course I supposed it to be a lie ; but, if 
 true, what then ? Are we angry now with a gentlemanly person like 
 Mr. Murray, fOr attempting to cut his own throat some years ago ? 
 Too absurd a great deal. 
 
 Tickler. Certainly. John Bull himself knows that we laugh at*« 
 the Quarterly Review, only when it is laughable. He knows we ad- 
 mire it, and say so, when it is admirable. Of all the periodicals now 
 flourishing or fading, Blackwood's Magazine is the most impau- 
 TiAL. Yes, its illustrious editor despises all the chicanery of the 
 trade. Trojan or Tyrian, that is, Murray or Constable, — Longman 
 and Rees, or Taylor and Hessey, — Richardson of Cornhill, or Oilier 
 of Bond-street, — with you they are held in no distinction. Their 
 good books you toss up to the stars, and their bad you trample down 
 to Tartarus. 
 
 North. John Bull also says, that the Edinburgh and Quarterly 
 Reviews are w^orks of a higher class than Blackwood's Magazine. 1 
 am truly vexed to differ from him here. They are works of an older, 
 thicker, and heavier, but not of a higher class. A review is not 
 necessarily a higher work than a magazine — any more than a maga- 
 zine is necessarily a higher work than a weekly newspaper — or a 
 weekly newspaper than a daily one. Genius, learning, and virtue, 
 constitute the only essential difference between work and work ; and 
 in these, we never heard it whispered, that this Magazine is inferior 
 to any work, living or dead. 
 
 • Sir James Mackintosh and He iry Brougham.— M.
 
 174 NOCTES AMBEOSIAN^. 
 
 Tkkhr. Jolm Bull may be right after all. He is an incompre- 
 hoiisiblo mortal.* 
 
 yniih. Till' Julin r>iill newspaper is a ehariot armcl with scythes 
 — the Morning Clironiele is a market cart, out of which a big empty 
 turnip or cabbage keeps trundling ever and anon against honest peo. 
 pie's legs ; but a dexterous turn of the ankle shys it into the kennel, 
 uud no harm done. 
 
 Tick/ti: However, in sober seriousness, you are an almost univer- 
 sal favorite. You burn like a gas-light among oil-lamps. The affec- 
 tion felt Ibr you is a mixture of love, fear, and astonishment, — ^three 
 emotions that play into each other's hands. The sex regard you M'ith 
 a mixed passion, of which the fundamental feature is love. Fear is 
 the chief ingredient in the ruling passion towards you of literary 
 iTi-ntlemen under fifty — and with Grey Bennet,f and old women in 
 general — astonishment. 
 
 Buller. [Yarcniuff.) Would you like to marry an actress? 
 
 Tickler and Xortli. Whom are you speaking to 1 
 
 B idler. To any body. 
 
 l^ickler. Not for my first wife. After a private spouse or two, I 
 should not care for marrying a pretty young actress to rub my bald. 
 pate in my old age ; at the same time, a man should consider his 
 posthumous fame. Now, if your relict, before you are well warm 
 in your grave, marry an Irishman forty years 3'ounger, and three 
 feet broader across the back than you her late dearly beloved hus- 
 band, your posthumous fame receives a blow that demolishes it at 
 once irretrievably — that should be considered. 
 
 Jilt Her. Why, I begin to get drowsy — was I snoring? 
 
 Tickler. Like a trooper. Ring the bell, my buck. 
 
 Eater Mr. Ambrose. 
 
 North. What's to pay? 
 
 ^fr. Arnbrose. I beg yon won't mention it. I am so happy to see 
 Ur. Buller in Scotland again, that I cannot think of making any 
 charge for a few hundred ovsters, and a mere gallon of gin. 
 
 Nurtli. Assist me on with my great-coat — there — there — easy — 
 easy. Now, my cane. Give me your arm, Ambrose — am I quite 
 steady 1 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. As steady as York Minster, sir. 
 
 [The// vanish into thin air. 
 
 • tn those day« TbfloJore Hook was the prRsidIng genius of the John null nrnvspappr, — iiid 
 luriJe it ovcrfiow witli wit, satire, (^ran.lal, huinor, Toryism, and dashinir personalities. — M. 
 
 1 Jl<nry <jr«y Uenneli. an active liberal, represented t^hrew^bury in I'arliaiiient for raauy 
 year*, but on ll;S Jiscovery of certain criminal practices, fled to Paris, where he d»ed — .M.
 
 No. III.— MAY, 1822. 
 SCENE l—TmE—Six o'clock, P. M. Scene— T'Ae Blue Parlor. 
 
 To Mr. North, standinff in the centre of the room, in full fig^ 
 Enter Mr. Timothy Tickler. 
 
 North. Good day, sir ; I'm glad I'm not to dine quite alone. I 
 began to think nobody was coming. 
 
 Tickler. 1 beg your pardon, Mr. North, but I really had no notion 
 it was so for in the day. I took my chocolate as usual about two, 
 and then went out into the Meadows* and wandered about. 
 
 North. About what, you old rogue, you 1 But no apologies. I'm 
 glad you've made your appearance at least. 
 
 Tickler. I hope you'll excuse my gaiters. North ; I had not the 
 least idea you were to sport a regular blow-out to-day. I looked 
 into the other room, and saw such a smash of covers — and you in 
 your silk stockings too ! — I suppose you've been sporting your ankles 
 with the Commissioner. 
 
 North. Not I ; but I expect several strangers to dinner, and an 
 editor is nothing without black breeches, you know — but you need 
 not say a word about your dress. Upon my honor, that's a most 
 natty surtout — and your spatterdashes, why they are quite the potato. 
 For a contributor you are well enough — and, after all, there's no 
 ladies in the party. 
 
 Tickler. What ! not even Mrs. M'Whirter !f I'll do well enough 
 as I am for your Kempferhausens and Mullions, et hoc genus, if that's 
 all the party. 
 
 North. That's not it quite either, Mr. Timothy. I expect two or 
 three gentlemen you have never been in company with, and I believe 
 the meeting will give pleasure on all sides— There's Sir Andrew 
 VVylie for one. J 
 
 Tickler. What ! he of that Ilk 1 Old Wlieelie ? 
 
 ♦The Meadows lie south of Heriot's and George "Watson's Hospital's, in EdinVinr^h. and, 
 with BruntsfielJ Links, extend to about 200 acres, which are open for the recreation of tlio 
 inhabitants, by virtue of royal grants to the city. The national game of Golf is played on tli« 
 fine open downs of Bruntsfield Links, — M. 
 
 t >'rs. M'Whirter, Odoherty's ancient Philadelphia fiame, never honored The Noctes with 
 her presence. Her last appearance was — in The Tent. — 1\\. 
 
 ; Gait, in the novel of '• Sir Andrew Wylie, of that Ilk," (equivalent to "of Wylie"> had 
 narrated the adventures of a poor Scottish lad who went to London to seek his fortum-, and 
 returiiod \ ome v ith riches and rank. — M.
 
 176 NOCTES AiTBROSJAN^. 
 
 North. The same — he's an Elder in this General Assembly, and 
 his chum, Dr. Scott,* who is also a member of the venerable court, 
 introduced liiin to me a few morning's a<,'o at the Moderator's break- 
 fast. I declare the western worthies eclipsed even the ministers ! I 
 never saw two such twists — I beg your pardon — I hope Mrs. Tickler- 
 is well. 
 
 Tlckh r. So, so, North : — Of course Sir Andrew^ wrote his own Life ? 
 
 Xvrth. Why, you know every body writes books in our days, and 
 nobody owns them. But I suppose he and the Odontist patched up 
 the Life between them. They're a couple of c^ueer comical old 
 devils. The Baronet, a deuced rum fellow, to be sure ; but Coun- 
 tesses and Duchesses adore him, and we must all confess he is one of 
 the clevorost. and at the same time best-tempered creatures alive. 
 
 Tickler. Whom else have ye? 
 
 Nort.'i. Mr. Pendarves Owen — a very pretty-behaved young gen- 
 tleman. 
 
 Tickler. By Jove, if he leaps out of a window here, there will be 
 a pretty end of the pretty-behaved gentleman. Imagine a fellow 
 clearing the Cowgate, or Ilopping over the Horse Wynd, fourteen 
 stories deep, from a skylight to a chimney top.f Of course the lad 
 has a bee in his bonnet. 
 
 North. Perhaps you'll find it a wasp if you go too near. He's a 
 cursed hot fellow — but so are all the TatTy breed. But what was I 
 thinking of? 'Jhere's Feldborg behind. | 
 
 Tickler. Feldborg the Dane 1 — really ? 
 
 North. Feldborg — ipsissimus ipse ! I hear his cough on the stair 
 this moment. He arrived in the Roads last night at a quarter after 
 eleven. 
 
 Enter Mr. Ambrose. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. Professor Feldborg ! \^Exit. 
 
 Enter Feldeoro, the Dane, 
 
 Feldborrj. With joy and ravishment, O illustrious man, do I once 
 more contemplate thee. From the very first instant of the time I 
 
 • Dr. Scntt, •' llie Odontist," as shown in Maga, ■was nearly as imaginarv as Sir Andrew 
 Wylie.— M. 
 
 t In the fummer of 1822 was published, by Blackwood, of Edinburgh, a novel called Pen 
 r)wen. in three volumes. It was written by the Rev. Mr. Hook, who was cousin to the 
 racPiinuB Theodore. Another novel, called '"Percy Mallory," was all that the same pen con- 
 iriliiurd to public amusement, in the way of prose fiction. Pen Owen was reviewed in Blark- 
 iriivJ for June l^v'd. by which its merits were widely made known. The reviewer said that 
 it was an eminently successful "attempt to revive the old siyle of the time of (Jeorse II. 
 ind apply it to the time of Georpe IV." — The work took its hero into all sorts of plays : now in 
 ide Hou^e of Commons, listening to a debate; in Newgate, in company with Cobbelt;in 
 Alhemarle-street, dining at John Murray's, next to Tom Sheridan ; in a sort of Cato-street 
 Conspiracy, wiih an examination at the Home Oflice as a wind-up; at Smithficld. amid th6 
 drovers, I how capitally Noah Tup ro 53 simple Tom Cro.ssthwaite !) ; in a political debating 
 tc-iety ; in fact, in all places and with all people in London, in the year ol grace \if22. Pen 
 Owen, the hero, was the most impulsive of b«;ings, and this is the gentleman b ought into the 
 Third of the Nocten — M. 
 
 i The Dane wm imaeinary— as fara» lie Noctes were concerned.— M.
 
 THE GUESTS. 177 
 
 re-landed on the Albionean coast, did m-y mind — n,y soul — my 
 spirituous part thirst after thee. And to thee, also most admired 
 and honorable Mr. Tickler, I offer my heartfelt salutations. Heaven 
 surely, Avhat I hope, has favored you both, mc absenie, dum in Dania 
 mea moratus sum. 
 
 North. All hail. Prince of Denmark ! And how is the little Prince 
 that you told so many pretty stories to, and how are Oehlenschlacger, 
 and Ba^fffesen, and Bombardius, and all the rest of the Danes'? 
 
 Feldborg. All quite hearty, quite the charming agreeable spirits, 
 and all in louf with you. Baggesen is writing a very big book all 
 about you. Its title is De Amove JVorfhi apnd Danos. The book will 
 make a sensation — it is dedicated what you call to Oehlenschlacger. 
 
 North. What ? — so they have made up matters ! 
 
 Feldborg. Quite reconciled — I saw with mine own eyes Baggesen 
 smoking one, two, three long, very long puffs out of Oehlenschlaeger's 
 pipe. I wrote a very pretty poem on that subject in the Copenhagen 
 Chronicle. It has already been translated into Swedish and Lapp. 
 
 North. It must now be well known if that's the case — but here 
 comes the rest of our friends. Sir Andrew, your most obedient 
 humble servant. 
 
 Enter Sir Andrew Wylie, Dr. Scott, ^Ir. Pendarves Owen, 
 Ensign O'Dohertv, and the Eev. Donald Wodrow, D.D. 
 
 I'm exceedingly proud of having the honor to see you all here, 
 
 gentlemen — Dr. Scott, don't pull my wrist out of joint, man — Mr. 
 Owen, I'm delighted — Dr. Wodrow, how-do-you-rfo, my good sir? 
 lias the overture conie on yet] [yls/rft'.] Order dinner, Odoherty. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow. W^hy, Mr. North, you see that business from 
 the Ayr brethren has occupied the committee so long, that our 
 overture 
 
 North. Gentlemen, allow me to make you all acquainted. Sir 
 Andrew Wylie, Mr. Tickler — Mr. Tickler, Sir Andrew Wylie. 
 Professor Feldborg, Captain Odoherty — Captain Odoherty, Profes- 
 sor Feldborg. Captain Odoherty, allow me the pleasure of introduc- 
 ing you to my friend Dr. Wodrow — I'm sure you're no strangers t() 
 each other's names at all events. Well, now, are all the salaams 
 over ? Do any of you choose a whet before dinner 1 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow. It is not my custom to take any thing before 
 dinner; but really, you folk in the town, you dine so late — and I 
 took, thoughtlessly, some very salt ham this morning at the ]\Iode- 
 rator's. 
 
 North. There's a variety of liquors on the side-table — Odoherty, 
 give Dr. Wodrow a little Seltzer-water^ or something cooling. 
 
 While Odoherty is handing round a salver, covered zvith 
 small glasses, dx., enter Ambrose, with a towel tinder his arm.) 
 Vol. I.— 14
 
 178 
 
 N0CTE6 AiTBROSIAN^, 
 
 Ambrose. Gentlemen — dinner. 
 
 ^^orlh. Gentlemen, I'll sho\v the way. Sir Andrew, your arm. 
 
 [Exeunt C. N. and Sir A. W. 
 OJoherty. Senlorcs sint priores ! Cedant arma tugce. 
 
 [Exit Professor Feldborg. 
 Tickler. I can't walk before so many .Doctors. Walk away, Dr 
 
 Scott. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow, {brushing hastily out of the room.) Come away, 
 
 Dr. Scott. 
 
 Dr. Scotf. Mr. Tickler, \f you please, sir. 
 
 Tickler. O fie, Doctor — after you, Doctor. 
 
 [Bxit Dr. Scott — exit Tickler. 
 
 Odoherty. Come along, Mr. Owen. What a hubbub these old 
 Puts make, with their hanged precedence ! Did you notice how the 
 D.D, hopped ofl"? As brisk as a beetle, by St. Patrick ! 
 
 SCENE II. 
 C. North, Esq. 
 
 Sir Andrew Wylie 
 Bart. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow. 
 
 TiMOTHT Tickler, 
 Esq. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Prof. Feldborg. 
 
 Dr. Scott. 
 
 Pendarves Owen, 
 Esq. 
 
 Ensign Odoherty. 
 North. A bumper ! The King ! God bless him ! 
 Onines. The King !! ! [Three times three. Trumpets without. 
 
 Air — Gad save the A7//^.] 
 Tickler. A bumper — the Kirk of Scotland! 
 
 Omnes. The Kirk of Scotland! [Air — The Bush ahoon Traqiiair.^ 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrou<. Gentlemen, all your very good healths ! I am 
 extremely sensible of the honor you have done — 
 
 North. — A bumper! " The general joy of the whole taMe!" 
 Odoherty. (ylsit/e.) Vide Shakspcare ! hem! 
 Oinnes. The General joy, &c. {Three times three.) 
 
 {Air^ we are the Lads, <S:c,
 
 PEKSONALITIES. 179 
 
 North. Now, gentlemen, these three bumpers being discussed, I 
 leave the filling of your glasses to your own discretion. 
 
 Odoherty. Let each man fill his neighbor's glass, and push the port 
 and sherry into the middle of the table. Mr. Chairman, give Sir 
 Andrew a little drop ; I'm sure he'll do as much for the Reverend 
 Doctor on his right. 
 
 Sir. A. Wylie. Na, wha ever heard o' sic like doings as this! and 
 me a ruling Elder too ! Oh dear, you literary men are the most un- 
 conscionable chields 1 ever foregathered wi' — but to be sure it's ill to 
 make a silk purse out of a sow's lug. 
 
 Dr. Scott. Hear till him ! Would any body think the Baronet had 
 lived sa mony years out of his ain country, and been in high life too, 
 Lord preserve us, — (1 beg your pardon. Dr. Wodrow, it just slipped 
 frae the tongue, man) — and kittled ladies of quality in his time — and 
 crackit a bottle with Mr. Pitt himself — an' a' the lave o't? Ane 
 that did not ken the history, would, saving his presence, just take 
 him for some Paisley baillie, that had never had the stink of the 
 Sneddon out of his nostrils ! 
 
 North. Mr. Odontist, 1 disapprove of personalities. 
 
 Dr. Scott. Ilout! Like the Duke of Bedford, I meant nothing per- 
 sonal, upon my honor. 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. Dr. Scott having in the handsomest manner de- 
 clared that he meant no allusion to me personally, I am now per- 
 fectly satisfied. Fill your glass. Dr. Scott. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow. That puts me in mind of a story of Mr, Tham 
 of Govan — a queer fellow — but sound, very sound in his doctrine. 
 He had been rebuking a young lad and lassie one day in his kirk, 
 and he had in his rough way, (fi^r Tham was a very rough brother, 
 sirs,) gone a great length in miscalling the lad ; and as they were a' 
 coming out of the kirk, the lad he came down from the cutty-stool 
 and runs up to the minister, and says he, " I dir.na ken what you 
 meant by yon blackguard language about me. I think you're ex- 
 ceedingly impertinent, Mr. Tham," And wi' that Mr. Tham up with 
 his stick, (he had aye a good bit sapling in his hand,) and comes a 
 clink o'er the chield's head, and gar'd him reel away back, and he fell 
 on the braid o' his back among the dirt, — hee ! hee ! hee ! 
 
 Dr. Scott. A bonny parallel, my certy 1 
 
 Feldhory. When Baggesen and Oehlenschlaeger first began to 
 write pamphlets concerning each other — Ay, what pamphlets B;ig- 
 gesen does make! — there was some talk of their fighting with (he 
 sword, — and to be sure they went one day into Hamlet's Garden 
 what we call, and they drew their swords so bright, so clear, and up 
 comes I by accident, and says I, " What fools you are, let us go dine 
 all together at the White Feather." This is a great inn, what you 
 call, in Elsinore.
 
 ). • 
 
 ISO NOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 North. And did you go, accordingly? 
 
 Feldborg. Oh, wfiat for a dinner we did eat that day! At the 
 head of the table was a sausage-pie. — O, wliat for a pie ! and at the 
 tuot there was a boiled goose with mustard pudding ; and there was 
 one dozen big black bottles of the best beer, and how we did rejoice ! 
 —Oh, me ! 
 
 Pen Owen. {Aside to Odoherty.) — Noctes Coenceque Defim. 
 
 Odoherti/. {Aside to Pen Owen.) — Noctes Coenaique de hum. 
 
 Pen Owen. Pray, Dr. Scott, what is that book called the Percy 
 Anecdotes ? — I saw it in a window at York as 1 came through, and 
 bought it to divert us in the chaise, and 1 can make very little mean- 
 ing of it, although it is an amusing production enough in its way.* 
 
 Dr. Scott. I only possess two or three numbers of the work ; 
 there's one of them called " Anecdotes of Instinct, with a portrait of 
 the Ettrick Shepherd ;" I was much amused with it. 
 
 Pen Oiien. Yes; but why Anecdotes of Instinct with a Portrait oj 
 Ho[ig^ — Do they mean to represent Hogg as being totally devoid of 
 Reason? — A mere new edition of the Learned Pig? 
 
 Dr. Scott. It did not strike me before ; but now you point it out, 
 tis absurd. Then there's one, " Anecdotes of Genius, with a portrait 
 of J//-. Suuthey ;'''' and, immediately after, comes another, "Anecdotes 
 of Crime and Punishment, with a portrait of Sir James Mackintosh." 
 Now, 1 for one, can make neither head nor tail of this. 
 
 Pen Oicen. Do you suppose they mean <^o insinuate that Sir James 
 stands in the same relation to Crime and Punishment in which Southey 
 stands to Genius 1 If so, what has been the learned knight's crime ? 
 What has been his punishment? 
 
 Tickler. What say you, Sir Andrew? 
 
 Sir A. Wytie. 1 suppose they mean to let us to wit, that Sir James 
 ^lackintosh is above Crime and Punishment, just as the Poet Hogg 
 is above Instinct 1\ 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow. Good, very good, I'm clear for Sir Andrew's 
 way of expounding the dubiety, 'tis like Lucus a non lucendo — ehem ! 
 
 Oduherty. {Sings.) 
 
 Tbis is the ■wine 
 That ill former time 
 Eiicli wise oue of the Magi 
 Wiis wout to carouse 
 In a frolicsome bowse. 
 Recubans sub teg mine fagi 
 
 • It -was published in London. It was neatly illustrated. It formed a series of 40 numbers, 
 or '20 duodecimo volumes. It professed lo consist of " Anecdotes, original and .select, by t^holto 
 • nd Reuben I'ercy, brothers of the Benedictine .Monastery, Mont Benger."— .Sholto, being & 
 Mr. Robertson, lor many years editor of the Mechanics' Magazine and the Railway liecord 
 Be-A!i paper. — M. 
 
 \ iV'" ."'"*' '■es^on why a portrait of Sir James Mackintosh illustrated the volume on Crime 
 and i unihhmont. may be traced to the fact, that Sir James had been a Judge in India, and, af= 
 member of Parliament, had endeavored to mitigate the severity of the English penal cod« 
 -M.
 
 ticexer's bridal song. 181 
 
 Mr. North, you're keeping the bottle rather long by you. 
 
 North. Well, Odohorty, since your pipe is so clear, suppose you 
 do sing us another song — and if it, be one of your own, so much the 
 better for Dr. Wodrow. 
 
 Odohcvty. Well, — since you will have it, 1 shall tip you what [ 
 wrote last month, on the interesting occasion of the marriage of Mr. 
 Timothy Tickler, if you know any such person. 
 
 North. You're quizzing, Odoherty — Sing, but remember, that I 
 depend upon your good feelings, to introduce nothing that could call 
 up a blush on the delicate cheek of Mrs. Tickler, if she were 
 present. 
 
 Tickler. Delicate cheek ! hem, — 
 
 " call it fair, uot pale 1" 
 Odoherty. {S'uujs.) 
 
 SONG. 
 
 ON THE WEDDING-DAY OF TIMOTHY TICKLER, ESQ., AND 
 MISS AMARANTHA ALOESBUD. 
 
 1. 
 
 Fill, fill to the brim, fill a bumper to him, 
 
 Who is call'd to a happiei- duty away, 
 Who, seated beside his own loved one — his bride — 
 
 Drinks large draughts of joy from her eyes' sunny ray; 
 And let not the toast to the man we Live most. 
 
 Be silently passVl round the board as we sit; 
 But rising about, with a heart-sfirring shout. 
 
 Let us hail the dear union of Beauty and Wit. 
 
 Though, perhaps, now no more, shall our fi'iend, as before 
 
 Join his bachelor mates in their frolicsome knot; 
 Nor pour forth his soul over bottle and bowl, 
 
 That soul free from taint of dishonoring thought; 
 Though that eloquent tongue upon which we have hung 
 
 So oft with delight, may no more glad us here ; 
 Yet still his h)ved name a full bumper shall claim. 
 
 And it still shall be hail'd with a thrice given cheer. 
 
 O, blest be this day, by the smile of the gay. 
 
 By the bright eyes of beauty, by music and dance 1 
 O, blest be this day — and as life wears away, 
 
 May he j(.» on its moments his thoughts back lo glance! 
 May the maid, whose bright charms aie resign'd to his arms, 
 
 Still be loved with the love that he feels for her nowl 
 And may her dear lord be by her still adored. 
 
 As when first she lisp'd forth the unchangeable vow.
 
 [S2 NOCTES AilBKOSIANiE. 
 
 Tlieii fill to the brim, fill a bumper to him, 
 
 Who is calleil to a hapjiier duty away, 
 Who, seatfd lifsiJo his own loved oue — his bride — 
 
 Drinks larjire draugiits of joy from her eyes siiuny rej ; 
 Aud li't imt the toast to the man we love most 
 
 Be sih-ntly pass'd round the board as we sit; 
 But risint; about, with a heart-stirring shout, 
 
 Let us hail the dear uuioQ of Beauty aud Wit 1 
 
 D. Scult. {Siiic/inff.) 
 
 " Let us hail the dear union of Beauty and WiL" 
 
 Dovilish pood sonji, upon my lionor, Mr. North, I cra\e a bumper 
 ■ — ^Irs. TiekliT, with three times throe, 
 
 Bev. Dr. Wudrow. Cheers or children, Dr. Scott ? ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 the like o' that ! ( Trumpets without.) 
 
 Omnes. Mrs. Tickler! [Air — Green prow the iaslies, 0.] 
 
 Mr. Pen Owen. [Aside to Odoherty.) They're getting dull at 
 that end of the table. May I tip them a touch of the long pole? 
 
 Odohertij. {Aside to Pen Owen.) To be sure, honey ! Where's 
 Liherty-hall, think ye? Plant the prong! 
 
 I'en Owen. Mr. North, with your permission, and with the per- 
 mission of the distinguished company, whom I have now the honor 
 of seeing assembled around this festive board, there is a name which 
 I would earnestly but respectfully entreat permission to join with 
 the smack of a bumper. 
 
 North. Contributors, a bumper, Mr. Pendarves Owen's toast. 
 
 Pen Otcen. I bog leave to propose the health of The Small 
 Known. 
 
 North. Gentlemen, this is an appeal to your liberality, and I am 
 sure your conduct will justify it. Take the time from me. 
 
 Omnes. The Small Known ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 
 
 [Truinpets witfiout — Air — Saw ye my wee thing?) 
 
 Sir A. Wylie., {aside to Dr. Wodrow.) We've all heard enough of 
 the Great Unknown, but wha is this we've been drinking. Doctor ? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Wodrow. Dr. Cook, I take it. 
 
 North. Pooh, pooh, 'tis our friend, the Prince of Reviewers, Sir 
 Andrew. 
 
 Dr. Wodrow. The like o' that— ha ! ha ! The Small Known ! 
 Well, I never heard sic like toasts ! I'se propose it myself at the 
 Moderate Club, the morn's night, — may I ? 
 
 North By all means. A toast is nothing until it comes into 
 gciK-ra! vogue, like The Cause for which Sidney bled on the Scaffold^ 
 and Hampden on the field, d:c. 
 
 Pen Owen. Which is pretty much the same thing with "the
 
 r> 
 
 THE SMALL KNOWN. ISS 
 
 Cause for which Sandt died by the axe, and Thistlewood by the 
 drop." 
 
 Odoherty. I beg leave to propose a bumper, Mr. Chairman, — To 
 the memory of Thistlewood ! ! ! 
 
 Professor Feldborg^ [aside to Dr. Scott.) What man was Thistle 
 wood ] Was he a Tory Reviewer 1 
 
 Dr. Scott. Ask your friend Mr. Owen. I think he's like to give 
 you the best notion.* 
 
 Pen Owen. Come, come ! you should not make such allusions, Mr 
 Odoherty. I'm sure you will admit that I was most innocently jire- 
 sent on that unfortunate occasion, when Thistlewood — 
 
 Odohrtij. I could have forgiven any thing but that humbugging 
 note, in which you, or whoever did your history, says the chapter 
 about that aflair was writ before the affair happened. 
 
 Pen Owen. 'Pon honor it was. 
 
 Odoherty. Nay, nay, man ; a joke's a joke — but do you mean to 
 say, that you thought of that quotation about " Cato's little senate," 
 before the night you made your famous leap over the little back 
 court behind Cato-street. 
 
 Pen Owen. What do you believe, Mr. Odoherty 1 
 
 Odoherty. I believe that any man may with impunity, (so far as a 
 certain concern goes,) touch the King, — abuse the Lords, — black- 
 guard the Commons, — and ruffianize the prime writers of the age 
 and country; but that vengeance will foil on his head if he dares but 
 to lay his little finger on the smallest of Critics. 
 
 FeUbory. What ? call Baggesen the smallest of critics ? What 
 for a joke ! Baggesenl He that did compose the glorious garland? 
 Oh, what ignorance ! 
 
 Odoherty. I meant not Baggesen — I talked of Jeffrey. Clap not 
 thy wings so fiercely. Cock of the North. 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. What? aye at the Sma' Known? Will you never 
 be done with your personalities about that gentleman'? 
 
 Tickler. Fie, Odoherty ! And after that beautiful rebuke of his, 
 in his last number, which, I am sure, will shut Lord Byron's mouth 
 for ever and a day. 
 
 Odoherty. As effectually as a prime pouldoodie of Burranf would 
 shut my potato-trap for three seconds. 
 
 • Arthur Thistlewood, who had previously been acquitted on a charge of treason, and wa* 
 discontented with the British Government, threw himself into what was called the Cato-street 
 Conspiracy, and conspired to murder the Ministry, at a Cabinet-dinner at Lord Harrowby's, and 
 therfon raise an insurrection in London. This was early in l-^'JO. immediately on the accession 
 of George IV., and a spy having revealed all that was done and intended, a party of police and 
 soldiers went to arrest the conspirators. Thistlewood resisted, killed one of the police with a 
 sword, escaped, was captured, tried, and condemned. Thistlewood and four others were ex- 
 ecuted, as traitors, rn May I, IStiU.— One of the scenes in " Pen Owen" was marvellously like 
 U;e actual scene in Cato-street, though written before it.— M. 
 
 t The Pouldoodie^ of Burran were a description of Irish oysters, anent which, Mrs. M'Whirter 
 chanted a laudatory song, in presence of Christopher in the Tent, which see, ante. — P- 93. M.
 
 JS4 NOCTES AaiBROSIAN^. 
 
 I>r. Wodrotc. Well, now, I must say that I read that passage with 
 dfli'iht ; there is no douV)t that Lord IByron is very much to blame, 
 il* irrtally be so, which I am no judge of, that he was the first who 
 wrote ill' a personal manner. It was introducing a dangerous — a 
 deadly triek. There's no saying where it may end yet. Christian 
 folk shoidd dwell together like brethren in unity. Oh! sirs, there's 
 a deal of needless heart-burning and hot water among you literary 
 folk of this time, take ye my word for that. 
 
 Dr. Scot/. Av, and so is there among the ilUtcrary folk of this 
 time, Dr. Wodrow — what say ye to your bickers in the aisle, oure 
 bve yonder? Mv faith! you ministers and elders, ye're the most 
 tinkh'r-tongued pack of ilfiterati, when ye begin your eollieshangic. 
 
 Sir A. WyUe. Come, come, Odondist, you need not be so bitter, 
 though you could not manage to get yourself returned for the Uni- 
 versity of St. Andrews this Assembly — but what is all this that you're 
 saying ? Does ^Ir. JeHVey really charge Lord Byron with being the 
 author and institutor of the sin of personality % 
 
 Tickler. " 'Tis true, 'tis pity ; and pity 'tis, 'tis true." 
 
 Dr. Scod, (closeli/ imitating Tickler in enunciation.) 'Tis trash, 'tis 
 certain ; and certain 'tis, 'tis trash. 
 
 Pen Owen. I have not yet seen the last Number of the Edinburgh 
 Ileyicw — but if the Small Known has said so, he has oertainly not a 
 iaru'o Mieinory. 
 
 Tickler. Alas, he will never have such a memory as Smithers! 
 
 Pea Owen. But I'm speaking in earnest. AVhat, sir? Has Jeflrey 
 forgot that he could once read without spectacles? Has he forgot 
 that he was not always a dandy of sixty? Has he forgot how, from 
 the bejjinninj; of his career, he abused Southey ? Plas he forgot how 
 he lashed his friend. Tommy !Moore ? Was it not pcrsonalitt/ that 
 pointed the path to Chalk Farm? ]Ias he forgot Tliclwall? Was 
 there no personality in calling Thelwall a Tailor? Was there no 
 personality in his attacks on Coppleston ? Was there no per- 
 sonality in comparing Mr. Davison to a rat in a gutter? Was 
 there no personality in the lucubrations, concerning that patriotic, 
 that most enlightened Peer, my Lord Elgin ? Was there no person- 
 ality in that most flagitious insinuation concerning the birth of our 
 late venerable venerated Sovereign I* Bah ! — 
 
 North. Take your breath, young sir, and fill a bumper. The bottle 
 is with you, and we would rather be excused waiting till you have 
 done with such a catalogue as this. 
 
 Sir A. Wijlie. I would be very sorry to interrupt Mr. Owen, but 
 I would fain ask one question, for really and truly, sir, I'm to seek 
 
 One of the scandals of the laFt century was, that George III. was son — not of Frederic 
 Prince of Wiles, but cf the Earl of Bute, it was the influence of the Princess of Wales (Fre- 
 deric's widow) that placed Lord Bute in the high office of Premier, (for which he was by no 
 m«&iu adeijuate) shortly alter George III. became king. — M
 
 PERSONALITY. 185 
 
 in sic matters. Did Lord Byron ever write any thing personal about 
 Mr. Jeffrey himsELF ? 
 
 Tickler. Bravo ! bravissimo ! Rem acu tetigisti ! 
 
 Odoherty. (^Sirif/s. ) 
 
 " Vain is every fond endeavor 
 
 To resist the gentle dart; 
 For examples move us never, 
 
 We must feel to know the smart" 
 When the bard, in verse undying, 
 
 Pays the Prose of the Review, 
 Vanity, her aid supplyinj^, 
 
 Bids them tiiiiik it not their due. 
 Chorus — Vanity, her stina; sii|)plying, 
 
 Pokes the Yellow and the Blue. 
 
 North. Thank yo, Adjutant! But now there's been so much 
 fightiug about the bush, let's to the scratch with it at once. Mr. 
 Pendarves Owen, what do you understand by the word Fersonaliti/? 
 
 Pen Owen. I don't know — I can't well say. I suppose Jeffrey 
 means, when he accuses Lord Byron of it, to allude to his cuts at 
 Coleridge, and Southcy, and Sotheby, and Wordsworth, and Bowles, 
 and Sam Rogers, and the King, and so forth. 
 
 North. Sir, did you ever read a poem called " English Bards, and 
 Scotch Reviewers?" 
 
 Pen Owen. I remember seeing such a thing in Mr. Maplctoft's 
 library long ago, and glancing over it; but at that time I was young 
 and ignorant, and took no interest in it. I understood very little 
 about what was meant or insinuated. 
 
 North. Very likely ; but stiD you can't have forgot the two great 
 and general facts, that this poem was written by Lord Byron, and 
 that it contains many most bitter pungent lines of personal satire 
 against Hallam, Pillans, &c., and least not last, against Mr. Francis 
 Jeffrey himself, whose birth is ridiculed, whose person is derided, 
 whose genius is scorned, whose personal honor and courage even 
 held up to utter and open contempt, and all this in a manner equally 
 unmerited — unparalleled — 
 
 Tickler. i^Intei-rupts him.) And unpardoned. 
 
 North. Ay, there's the rub ! Look ye, it would take a bat not to 
 see through the whole of this mighty millstone. The Edinburgh 
 Reviewers (Jefii'ey himself, 'tis generally supposed,*) began the row 
 with a violent attack on Lord Byron's juvenile poems, in a review, 
 in the conclusion of which there is certahily not a little pemonality. 
 This is done in utter ignorance of Lord Byron's talents, in utter con- 
 tempt of him a'-:d all that pertains to him. Very well, Lord Byron 
 writes and publishes the poetical satire of which we have been speak- 
 
 • Brougham is generally supposed to have written the article. — M.
 
 ISO NOCrKS AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 Incj, and the Edinhurgli Picviewers are laughed at for several weeLs 
 alfovcr England, Ireland, Scotland, and the town of Berwiok-upoii- 
 Tweed, to sav nothing of Yankeeland and Botany Bay. So far so 
 well. But in a fi-w years, out comes Childe Harold, and Lord 
 Byron is at once placed nem. con. by the side of the first poets of our 
 a^e. What a inoniont of mortification must that have been, when 
 Mr. Francis J etlrey first discovered whom he had to do with ! Why, 
 did you ever see a little slim greyhound, half the Surrey breed per- 
 haps, attack a stn)ng Yorkshire 'fi)X who had jumped up from the 
 cover, when they were whipping for hares? Jeffrey was just in such 
 a quandary. Down he goes on his knees, and worships the rising 
 star. Puif! puff! puff! — nothing but puffing! — nothing but who 
 shall puff the highest. 
 
 Sir A. Wijlie. Under favor, ye're forgetting to mention that Lord 
 Byron had been putting himself forrit as a Whig also. 
 
 North. True — but I don't make much of that in this particular 
 instance. Lord Byron, however, does not intimate any particular 
 sensibility in his olfactory nerves, to the stimulus of the Blue and 
 Yellow incense. 
 
 Tickler. Censer and censure, sir, came alike to him; — he was 
 incensed by their very incense. 
 
 Dr. Scott. He became quite the rage with them ; yet his rage 
 waxeth not cool, neither was his anger appeased. 
 
 Jjr. Wudrow. O, that Chaldee ! it has spoiled even the Odontist. 
 
 North. On proceeds " Byron my Baron," meantime, in his glorious, 
 but not stainless, any more than gainless career. The critics of the 
 English press in general applaud, as they ought to do, his rising and 
 resplendent genius ; but many, very many of them, at least, have the 
 candor and the justice to complain of the immoral, irreligious, and 
 unpatriotic tendency of too many of his productions. Two only, and 
 these the two highest authorities, are silent as to the faults of the 
 splendid sinner. The Quarterly Cerberus had got a sop — and as for 
 the Edinburgh, what think ye kept its mouth mum? 
 
 Odoherty. Could it be our old acquaintance, " Corporal Fear?" 
 
 Tickler. I am inspired. Ancli'io improvimtore. I shall tip you an 
 extempore Parody on one of Mrs. Pilkington's old favorites, {^Aside) 
 — You all remember " Stella, darling of the Muses." 
 
 Jeffrey, darling of the Muses, 
 Strong probation now we bring ; 
 
 Knowingly, the poet chooses. 
 Who of Ihee essays to sing. 
 
 Willie his keen deiision traces 
 Every fault of form or niiuil, 
 
 He gets on in thy good graces- 
 Slings, but leiives no wouud behind. 
 
 {J^luiidite Omnes.)
 
 JKFFRKY AXD BrRON. 187 
 
 Ontnes {sinr/.) 
 
 "Very good soug, 
 Very well sung, 
 Jolly companions every one," <fec. <fec. <fec. 
 
 Rev. Br. Wodroir. Well, I never was in such a company as this 
 since I was ordained. Why it beats Presbytery dinners, Modera- 
 tor's breakfasts, and even settlement-occasions, a' to nothiiiff. The 
 mist's just clearing aM'^ay from my eyes every moment ! How I'll 
 enlighten the Baillies when I win back to the Manse. 
 
 Dr. Scotf. Ilaud your tongues ! Ilaud your tongues! Do ye no 
 see how the chairman's drinking three bumpers all by himsel ? 
 (Aside) — He's clearing his pipes, I'se warrant. Od, how he's glow- 
 ering on 3'on decanter ! 
 
 North. Revenniis a nos movtons! Childe Harold ravec^ with im- 
 punity against Talavera, Wellington, and the Bible. Lord Byron 
 insulted with impunity the most complete gentleman that has sat on 
 the English throne since the time of Charles I., and this too in the 
 most olfensive way. He insulted his Prince by meddling with his 
 domestic aflairs — Lord Byron insulted all England in Beppo — 
 Beppo was lauded — He flung the Insults with tenfold vigor from 
 the luscious lip of Don Juan — Don Juan was never alluded to, exce|)t 
 once or twice, in the way of commending its style — and even so it 
 goes on, until at length, after five or six years of silence, and utter 
 forbearance, the Edinburgh Review does pluck up courage — and to 
 do what? 
 
 Omnea. What? 
 
 North. To say feebly what had been said strongly by fifty other 
 people — to say late what should have been said early, c never said 
 at all — to creep out under the shadow, and in the rear of Universal- 
 indignation — and, making a big mouth, stammer out a single, silly, 
 senile, insignificant sarcasm !—( //ear / hear!) 
 
 Udoherty. It puts me in mind of a thing I once saw at Doncas- 
 ter. — I was sitting in the inn there with the landlady — a pretty, 
 comely body, I assure ye — and through came Reynard, and all Lord 
 Dai lington's hounds in full cry at his tail. A little pnppy dog — a 
 queer, odd, grim-looking thing belonging to the landlady, was sitting 
 close beside us, on the end of the sofa. It stared like a stuck pig, 
 till the last red-coat was passing, and then out with a small frightened 
 snarl — I thought at first it had smelt a mouse behind the wainscot. 
 
 Dr. Scott. Mr. North, this is very good claret- -I make no objec- 
 tions to the claret — but really I cannot thole it, it is so very cold. 
 
 (Sings) — Fill me a bowl — a mighty bowl, 
 Lai'ge as my capacious soul, 
 Vast as my thirst is ; let it have 
 Depth enough to be my grave —
 
 188 NCKTES AMBKOSIAN.E. 
 
 I menn the j^iave of all my care, 
 Fur 1 iiileud t<> l)Ui\'t tlierf. 
 Lot it .1 l)'>\vl iif C liina be, 
 AVortLy of punch composed by ir.e, 
 To (IrowD pale cant and fat luimbuj, 
 Aud stretch a Toi-y ou the rug. 
 
 Fill me a bowl, Ac. YEnter PuNCH.J 
 
 Norfh. Tip lis a blast of the trombone, or the Gaelic sermon, or 
 any thing you like — Do make youraelf afireer.ble. 
 
 Odulieriij. Tlie Instrumentality or the Par.sonality ? — Both are at 
 your service. 
 
 Omnes. The Parsonality ! the Parsonality ! 
 
 \Odi)lii,-l>f i/ives a fac simile of a Gaelic sermon. While he is 
 performing, exit, unobsfrved, the Rev. Dr. Wodrow.] 
 
 North. What! bless me the ininistor's off, I think. 
 
 Sir A. ]\'yiie. Ay, ay, just gang round the company. Pub every 
 one's shins, and ye'll have a toom table bely ve. I'se warrant the 
 Doctor will be concocting an overture against personality, ere lang be. 
 
 Pen Oiren. What! the reverend divine conld not stand that little 
 shadow of a shade of personality? Bah! if he had been an Edin- 
 burgh Reviewer, he would have been as tender in the skin as any 
 Small Known among them all. 
 
 North. Heaven preserve us ! I believe nothing will put down 
 this accursed cant but a thumping folio disquisition. I shall cer- 
 tainly, when I die, bequeath to the world a regular treatise de re 
 pcrso/iali. 
 
 llckler. Proving that every person had been personal, as well as 
 Byron and Jeffrey? 
 
 North. To be sure — To begin with the blind old Mieonian — Does 
 any body doubt his Thersites is a lump of personality? Without 
 question, Polyphemus was a sore wipe against some purblind, 
 bloody-minded reviewer of his day. But why talk of Homer? 
 Has ixjt the Stagy rite told us that his last poem, the Margites, stood 
 to the old Greek Comedy in the same relation in which the Iliad 
 and Odyssey did to the old Greek Tragedy ? — And what was the 
 old Greek Comedv ? 
 
 Pen Owen. " Comoedia prisca virorum est!" 
 
 North. True! 'tis a manly comedy; but what is it but a string 
 of personaliti';s? There is not one line in all Aristophanes that is 
 not personal. 
 
 Pea Owen. Aristophanes was, I suppose, just what Jeffrey says 
 Swift was, " nothing but a great libeller." 
 
 North. Yes, and yet you see this same critic, who, four years ago, 
 said " Swift was nothing but a great libeller," has now thought proper 
 lo say that personality was a thing unknown until Lord Byron set 
 the example.
 
 LITERARY PERSON ALITIES. 189 
 
 Pen Owen. It looks like a contradiction — ^but go on with your 
 sketch of the i^reat treatise in pos.se^ however. 
 
 North. Is Horace not personal in his satires? He is so in every 
 line of them, and in half his odes to boot. Was not Virgil al>omina- 
 hly personal about the old soldier that got his bonnct-lairdship'? Is 
 there no personality in Cicero's Philippics, or in his master, Demos- 
 thenes? or in Sallnst? or in Tacitus? By Jupiter Tonans, you 
 might as well say that Jeffrey had began the sin of charlatanism as 
 that any man now living began that of personality. 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. Weel, weel, but I would like to hear ye on some 
 authors that we hae heard mair about than thae auld heathen Greeks 
 and Romans. 
 
 North. Swift we have already heard of. You know Shakspeare 
 owed his rise in life and letters to a song which he wrote against a 
 Warwickshire Justice of the Peace. And Justice Shallow is alto- 
 gether a personal attack on the same worthy body. Ben Jonson 
 was a perfect Turk for personality — his whole life was past in hot 
 water. — Vide D'Israeli ! — Why should I allude to the Greens and 
 the Nashes ? 
 
 Tickler. These fellows were always at cat and dog — quite more 
 receiitioriim. 
 
 North. Nay, nay, forbid that we should be quite so bad as that 
 atas avorum! I would rather die upon a pile of blazing Magazines, 
 like Sardanapalus on his throne, than write one word within one 
 million of miles of the personalities of Milton — the divine Milton — 
 against Salmasius ! 
 
 Dr. Scott. Keep us a'! Is that the same great gospel-gun that 
 wrote the Paradise Lost, that the Spectautor speaks sae muckle about? 
 
 Pen Owen. The same, the same. Bah ! 'tis all fudge, and fudge 
 fusty — as fusty as Benthamism. 
 
 North. Come down to the polite era of Charles II. Is there no 
 personality in Dryden? or rather, is there any thing else in half his 
 most eternal master-pieces? Is there no personality in Butler's 
 Hudibras, nor in Cowley's Cutter of Coleman-street ? Or take the 
 glorious days of Queen Anne. There's Swift for one, and there's 
 Pope. I suppose we've all heard of such a thing as the Dunciad, 
 There's one Arbuthnot too — he wrote a work called the History of 
 John Bull — that is commonly supposed to be something personal, 1 
 believe. 
 
 Dr. Scott. As bad as the present John Bull ? 
 
 North. Yes, very truly, nearly as bad, and indeed rather worse, I 
 take it ; inasmuch as John Duke of Marlborough was rather a greater 
 man than the present John Duke of Bedford ; and inasmuch likewise, 
 as to be a Whig was not quite so bad a thing a hurdred years ago, 
 thank God ! as it is now.
 
 100 NOCTES ANrBKOSIAN^. 
 
 /V/» Owen. But in those days there were no reviews nor maga 
 
 2ino><. 
 
 Sorth. True, but they came not long after, and personality, which 
 no literature ever was without, blended itself with them ab ovo. Is 
 it possible that voii have need for me to tell you all the old stories 
 about Samuel Johnson and Ossian Macpherson and the t>ak cudgel? 
 or about ])r. Smollett and the Critical? and Fielding? IIow he 
 kept the Thames on fire with his farces and novels, and roasted all 
 his brother justices to cinders? 
 
 Tickler. Why, you know, all the old novelists dealt in nothing but 
 personalities; about that there was no manner of dispute. The only 
 question was, not whether there were a real IMorgan or a real 
 Trunnion, but which of the author's competing friends had sat for the 
 portrait. 
 
 North. Just so; and to tell you the truth, I'm really sick of such 
 hackncved truths — you may just trace personality as distinctly as 
 stupidity, down the whole line of our Whig literature in particular. 
 Turn over D'Israeli's nice little books, if you have doubts — The 
 Quarrels of Authors above all — 
 
 Nocturaa. versate manu, versate diurnil 
 
 Tickler. Once landed in our own times, we can be at no great loss* 
 to find our way. Plenty of fine staring finger-posts as one moves 
 along. The Fudge Family, a production of one of the most charming 
 Whigs that ever breathed — and a more disloyal piece of Whiggery 
 was never written, even by that charming Whig, — stands pretty 
 visible yonder against the sky. 
 
 Pen Owen. Yes, the black and lowering sky of disgustful remem- 
 brance. 
 
 Tickler. The Twopenny Post-bag ! 'Tis sufficient to mention the 
 name of such a bag of poison — base brutal poison. Hone's nice little 
 hooks, (worthy man! the W^higs subscribed for him, you know, as 
 wi-11 as for Gerald — I hope the money did hivi much good !) The 
 Morning Chronicle, with so many of Tom Moore's songs against 
 kings and ladies introduced into it by good Mr. Perry, whom Sir 
 .latuei Mackintosh so disinterestedly lauded in the House of Com- 
 ii.ons. The Old Times, stinking of Cockney radicalism and Cock- 
 ney personality in every column — there's no want of landmarks to 
 guide oiu' nloiig the mare niaciniim of Whiggish ruffianism. 
 
 Sir A. Wi/Le. And after a' this poor Lord Byron must be charged, 
 forso(»tli with beginning the vice o' personality. Oh dear! what a 
 thumper ! 
 
 North. The fact is, that Lord Byron, instead of being the sole 
 personal libeller, is only a unit in the W^hig array, whereof Mr. 
 JeflTrey himself is another unit — and if the question were, wliich of
 
 " HERE LET ME DINE ! " 191 
 
 ihcsc two is the more deserving of the title of leader in such work, 1 
 protest I think I should have no diflieulty in giving my vote to the 
 commoner. I beg leave to propose the memory of Dr. Jonathan 
 Swift, Dean of St. Patrick. 
 
 Omnes. Dean Swift ! ! ! (Music without. — Air, Dior/cues^ 
 
 surly and proud.) 
 
 Odoherty {sings.)* 
 
 'Tis nut when on turtle and venison dining, 
 
 And sijjping Tokay at the cost of his Grace ; 
 Like the phite on his sideboard, I'm set to be shining — 
 
 (So nearly a niiig may resemble a face.) 
 This is not the dinner for me — a poor sinner; 
 
 Where I'm bound to show off, and throw pearls before swine. 
 Give me turnips and mutton, — (1 ne'er was a glutton) — 
 
 Go«d frieuds and good liquor — and here let me dine. 
 
 Your critic shows off, with his snatches and tastes 
 
 Of odd tra-h from Reviews, and odd sorts of odd wine; 
 Half a glass — half a juke — fi-om the Publisher's stock 
 
 Of Balaam and Hock, aie but trash, I opine. 
 Convei'sazioni — are not for my money, 
 
 Where Blue Stockings prate about W'ylie and Pen ; 
 I'd lather get tipsy with ipsitsniini ipsi — 
 
 Plain women must yield to plain sense and plain men. 
 
 Your dowager gives you good dinners, 'tis true; 
 
 She shines in liqueurs, and her Sherry's antique ; 
 But then you must swear by her eye's lovely blue, 
 
 And adore the bright bloom that is laid on her cheek. 
 Blue eyes in young faces are quite in their places ; 
 
 One praises and gazes with boundless dehght 
 And juvenile roses ne'er trespass on noses, 
 
 As the custom of those is, I've cut for to-night. 
 
 Your colonels talk but of a siege or a battle — 
 
 Your merchants of naught but the course of exchange — 
 Your squires, of their hounds, of the corn-bill or cattle — 
 
 Your doctors their cases and cures will arrange- 
 Your lawyer's confouuiling, on multiple poinding — 
 
 Your artists are great on expiessiou and time — 
 Parsons sport Moderatni:<< and C'/iurc/i -procurators, 
 
 Each set is the devil when feeding alone. 
 
 But here, whei-e all sets and all topics are mingled — 
 
 The hero — the dentist — the pai'son — the squire — 
 No 0716 branch of blainey's selected or singled, — 
 
 But our wine and our wit each discussion inspire ; 
 Where the pun and the glass simultaneously pass; 
 
 Where each song seems quite heavenly, each bumper divine; 
 Where there's drinking and smokiug, and quizzing and jokitig, 
 
 But nothing provoking — Hkre 1 Here ! let me dine. 
 
 (Here! htie!) 
 
 * Tills sons was written by Dr. Maginii. — M.
 
 192 NOCTES AirBROSIAN^ 
 
 Pen Owen. Talking of Dean Swift,— what is Mr. Maturiii about 1 
 
 Oduherty. Grinding, grinding ! Isn't it a shame for people to run 
 him down at such a rate ? and the man a Tory— an Aristocrat— a 
 well-dressed <rontleinan-like author ! Tis ahominahle. Tis too bad 
 to tliiiik i.f such a man being poor, and you know he complained of 
 it himself in his preface.* 
 
 Pen Owen. Mr. Odoherty, I don't mean to defend the Quarterly — 
 hut did vou never take a wipe at Mother Morgan yourself? 
 
 Od.h'ertij. I believe 1 may have done such a thing — But how 
 •lillcrent the case : why that little fidevant Miladi absolutely brags 
 of lu;r casli,t and sets olf public reprobation with a balance of pounds, 
 shillings, and ponce. 
 
 Tickler. Her motto is, no doubt — 
 
 " Populus me sibilat : at mihi plauclo. 
 Ipsa doiui, simul ac nuiuinos eoutemplor in arc&." 
 
 But did not Maturin write something called the Universe ? 
 
 Odohertij. That has reached long ago the uttermost ends of the 
 earth — but why allude to such things J when are we to have the 
 Southside Papers 1 
 
 Tickler. Why, I am kept back by a late decision. I fear the 
 judge who refuses his protection to Byron's 6'«/«, would scarcely 
 take my rattan under his wing. 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. Gentlemen, I've sat here a long while, and been 
 greatly diverted with many things I've heard, and edified with some 
 — but the Chancellor, I have the honor to say, is my friend, and I 
 must quit the company, if I hear any thing further in a similar strain, 
 besides, he was perfectly right in that decision. 
 
 Pen Owen. Multum dubito. 
 
 Odolierti/ (aside to Pen Owen.) You had better not enter into any 
 dispute with Sir Andrew. Not much flash, but the longest Scotch 
 head I am accpiainted with. And his humor, — why even you might 
 find him ill to deal with. 
 
 • The Rev. Roberi Charles Maturin lived and died a curate in the richest Church Establish- 
 ment in the wurld — that of Ireland. He was a native of Dublin, and was curate of t^t. Peter's 
 Church, in that city. A limited income, wliich always kept liim in dilticulties, led him to 
 prolfer his tragedy of "Bertram," to tiie mnnagement of Drury Lane Theatre. It was accejited, 
 acted, (Kean pUying the hero), and brought Maturin £301). Another of his plays, called 
 " .Vlontorio," was oHered to John Kemble, bytfcott, (who took a ^t^ong and kind interest in 
 Maturin). but nothing advantageous came from it. He al.-o wrote the tragedies of " .Manuel" 
 and " Krcdolpho.'" the wild romance— as interesting as any of Mis. KadclifTe's — called 
 " .^Ielllloth, the W'anderer,"' a novel, entitled "Woman, or Pour el Centre." and a poem called 
 " The Universe " He published three other novels, very popular in their dav : "•The Katat 
 Revenge." "The Wild Irish Boy," and -'The lMile^ian Chief ;"—the.-^e tlirt-e uppea'ed witli tlia 
 name of Dennis Jasper Murphy on the title-page. In IP-'4. the year before lie died. Maturiu 
 publibhed six "Controversial t?ermons," which exhibit him as a well-read scholar and an 
 acute rcasoner. Poverty was ever at the heels of this gifted man, whose private xliaracter was 
 excellent.— M. 
 
 ■» Lady Morgan's receipts from literature cannct have been less than £25,0(10. Besides this 
 for msny years past, she had a pension of £300 a-year frniu the British Oovernraeul. — M.
 
 "pen OWEN." 193 
 
 Pen Otoen. You are right. He is indeed a canny clever Scotch- 
 man. Anrre nous the king was delighted with his book. You may 
 depend upon this. I heard him say so myself. 
 
 Tickler. 1 have been much interested by your delightful descrip- 
 tion of a certaui beautiful creature, Mr. Owen? Have you and Mrs. 
 O. any family, by-the-by ? 
 
 Pen Owen. Three — 
 
 Odoherty. You mean volumes — and if so, I can tell you verv 
 seriously, the third is the best of the batch. 
 
 Pen Owen. To be candid, what is your opinion of my book ? 
 
 Odoherty. Your book is a jewel ; but if you had happened to be 
 a Scotsman, and writ such a book about Scotland, and Scots people, 
 you might just as well have leaped from the top of the Monument as 
 published it. 
 
 Pen Owen. Why % I assure you, I wrote the book in the greatest 
 possible good nature. 
 
 Odoherty. Devil doubts you. I dare say Hogg was never in half 
 such a benign disposition, as he was when he wrote The Chaldee. 
 
 Pen Owen. Satire is upon the whole a good-humored vice, in my 
 opinion. 
 
 Odoherty. 'Tis in my estimation the most placid of virtues. Pick 
 me up some day with a face like a lemon rind — hazy — dumpish — 
 sulky — bitter — perhaps just escaped from a detestable dun of a 
 tailor, or a dozen of prating w^higlings or the like — and take me into 
 the nearest tavern. Order a hot beefsteak, a rummer of brandy and 
 water — bring out a good pen and a few sheets of hot-pressed paper, 
 and a bundle of segars, and say, " At it, Odoherty ! Up with your 
 back, Adjutant !" 
 
 Pen Owen. What follows? 
 
 Odoherty. A calm ! a perfect Claude, the most beautiful, serene, 
 delightful, dewy atmosphere, spreads its wide embracing canopy over 
 all the troubled surface of my soul. My spirit, enshrined as it were 
 in the divine depths of contemplation, exerts her energies sweetly, 
 nobly, sublimely ! It is then that I comprehend how true to nature 
 and to virtue is the exquisite apostrophe of the Epicurean bard — 
 
 " Suave mari niagno, turbantibus ccquora veutis, 
 Ex tuto alterius louguin speclare luboreni." 
 
 On the whole, I consider Tom Cribb and myself as the two best- 
 natured men in Britain ! 
 
 Pen Owen. Well, now, I confess 'twas not in that high-placed vein 
 1 composed my most cutting chapters. I have sometimes wakened 
 of a morning, God knows how or why, in a strange mixed state of 
 feeling — ready to go any lengths, in short — up to any thing — utterly 
 reckless — that's all I can say about the matter — deuced good fiin ! 
 Vol. I.— 15
 
 1!)4 NOCTES AMBROSTAN-E. 
 
 Odohcrt)/. Ay, but how inferior that is to the cliosen " moods of 
 MT mind ?'' On such occasions, it may almost be said I would not 
 harm a fly. 
 
 l\n Oireii. The scope and tendency of some of your observations 
 perplex me. 
 
 X'Tth. I hate this sort of committee business. We're all gettinj^ 
 into kni4s and corners. Owen and the Adjutant upon satire and 
 se<xars — Feldborg and the Odontist on the Czar of Muscovy's tooth- 
 powder — Tickler dozing — and Sir Andrew Wylie and myself left 
 quite alone to the great topic of things in general ! Why, tliis will 
 never do. 
 
 Dr. Scott, [tapping his spoon against the side of the howl, sings.) 
 
 Jolly Tories, fill your glasses, 
 Odoherly (xiiiffx.) Ho:ir the tiukle on the rim. 
 Tickler {sings.) All tlie Wliigs are geese and asses. 
 North (xiugs.) HuUow heart aud vision dim ! 
 
 Chorus.— Fvil Li! la! la! la! la! la! la! <tc. 
 
 Feldborg, the Bane. Allow me to give you a little Scandinavian 
 solo. 
 
 North. [Knocking with his hammer.) Silence ! Feldborg's solo. 
 Feldborg [sings.) 
 
 Hvern morgiu ser borna, 
 Hlock a tems — ar backa, 
 Skala banga ma hungra, 
 Urae — shod litud blodi 
 Hre sigr — fiekiu saekir, 
 Snarla borgar karla 
 Dynr a Brezkar biyuiur 
 Blod is Dana visi !l ! 
 Dym- a Brezkar, ic 
 
 North. Come, it suits you very well, after what happened not quite 
 fifty years ago, to sing such a ditty as this. 
 
 f>r. Scott. Keep us a' ! Do you ken what he was singing 1 I 
 thought it was Danish or Dutch at the lowest penny. 
 
 North. The last two lines, being interpreted, signify, 
 
 " The King of Denmark's bloody bail 
 Resounds against the Btitisb mail." 
 
 Is it not so. Professor 1 
 
 Feldborg. I sufier this no longer ! Golt und Teufel ! I quit the 
 Nomber. [Fxit Feldborg. 
 
 North. Why, this is beyond all bearing ! Tickler, you are a new- 
 m.^rried man, — you are or ought to be nimble, — run after the Dane, 
 and recall him. 
 
 Tickler. Sir, do you suppose that because I'm a contributor, an 
 editor has a right to cast personal reflections upon me 1 to rend awaj
 
 GETTING nUFFED. 195 
 
 the veil of my domestic concerns ? — Sir, I scorn your sneers ! Sir 
 
 your servant ! — Good night, gentlemen. 
 
 [E.v'if TiOKi.ER, furiosiis. 
 Oduherty. Ye gods ! How infornally drunk Tickler has b^^en these 
 two hours ! Honest Tickler ! he too, to be up ! 
 
 Timotlieus placed on high, 
 Amid the soiiudiog quire!! 
 
 1 suppose the next thing will be Sir Andre"w Wylie boltin<T upon 
 some absurd allusion to his autobiography. 
 
 Sir A. Wylk. Mr. Odoherty, — I beg your pardon, Captain Odo- 
 herty ! I crave leave to say, ance for a', that, although my life fill 
 three volumes, and yours but seven pages, mine does not contain any 
 narrative, either of seeking after a snufl-box in the midst of a battle, 
 or of marrying the mistress of a chop-house, and escaping as soon as 
 the till was sucked* — do you take me? 
 
 Dr. Scott. Life in a mussel ! Weel said, Sir Andrew — stick it 
 into him. A foul-mouthed creature ! Clink down with sic clan- 
 jamphray ! 
 
 Odoherty. {^Shoioing a lemon cut into a caricature q/'Sm Andrew.) 
 Do you know that phiz, Mr. Baronet? 
 
 Sir A. Wylie., [Thro'iing down his card.) Mr, Ensign, there's 
 my address. Good night, gentlemen. [^Exit Sir A. Wtlie. 
 
 Dr. Scott, (Aside to North.) Od sauf us ! How Sir Andrew's 
 staggering ! Your last bowl has clean done him ! I maun just see 
 him as far as Maclean's; for if he were to be ta'en up to the Police 
 Office, it would never answer — him an Elder, too, ye ken. 
 
 [Atit Dr. Scott. 
 
 North. So, Odoherty, we're left almost to ourselves. I think the 
 nature and eftects of personality have been decently discussed this 
 evening, however. I hope nothing of what has happened will ever 
 transpire. Pen Owen, I think, is asleep. 
 
 Odoherty. Snoring. But, Lord love ye, I've a short-hand writer 
 behind that screen yonder. Every word is down. 'Twill make a 
 prime article ; and you knew it would, else we should not have dined 
 here to-day; but as Luttrell says, 
 
 " O, that there might in England be 
 A duty on Hypocrisy, 
 
 * In the brief account of the Life and Writings of Odoherty, in Blnckwood'f Mngazine, 
 which first introduced the Standard-bearer to the reading public, these two incidents irtre 
 mentioned, I confess. Odoherty, who was in the 44th infantry, in tlie battle of New Orleans, 
 unfortunately was prevented from participating in that contest, having been delayed in search 
 of a much valupd snuff-box, which he had mislaid What of that ?— Colonel WuUin.s, com- 
 manding the 1-lih. was brought to a court-martial for like abseno<:, (like Colonel, like Ensign) 
 and broke. The other liltle accident referred to by Sir Andrew, in which Mrs. M'WIiirter, late 
 of Philadelphia, was a fair participant, was fully explained — a,s the reader of " Christopher in 
 The Tent." in this voiume. may have seen, and if the explanation satisfied the lady, 'why shoulJ 
 Si.' •■Vndrew Wylie cast a reproach in Odolierty's face?^Al.
 
 19G KOCTES AMEKOSIAN.E. 
 
 A tjix on Humbug, an excise 
 
 Ou solemn plausibilities, 
 
 A stamp ou i-veiy muu that canted ! ^ 
 
 N.. niiUi.'ns more, if these were grautea, 
 
 Heuc'toi ward would be raised or wautec ; 
 
 But Van, with au oerflowiug chest. 
 
 Might soon forgive us all the rest"* 
 
 Xorth Well I think the reporter must be dry enougli by this 
 time Con.e fJrth, thuu rat i' the arras ! You shall have your shaie 
 of one bowl at the least ;-and thou, heir of Cym Ow-en, rouse thee! 
 rouse thee for the field ! [ ^'^rtam falls. 
 
 Ep llOQUC. 
 
 Spoken hj Christopher North, Esquire, and Sir A. Wylie, 
 
 Baronet. 
 
 Mr. Korth. " Something too much of this 1" I hear you cry— 
 Ye canting creeping vermin I "What care I ? 
 If Whigs there be (methiuks there mw^t be some) 
 Not in their secret souls the slaves of Hum, 
 Let them for once speak truly ! 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. or be dumb. 
 
 Mr. North. Confess it, Jeffrey, (for you needs must know) 
 
 That Jest and Earnest hand in hand may go, 
 
 That sober truth may be iuweaved with fun, 
 
 Philo:^ophy be pointed in a pun, 
 
 Candor be calm beneath a forehead knit- 
 Keenly, yet kindly, flash the shafts of wit — 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. And Tories round a harmless table sit. 
 
 Mr. North. Confess ; speak out, man 1 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. Once upon a time 
 
 You loved a joke yourself, if not a rhyme ! 
 Mr. North. Confess quaint Quizzcry, though it makes one wmce 
 Sir A. Wylie. — I bar what wounds a Lady or a Prince. — 
 Mr. North. — Is, after all, not quite a hanging matter 1 
 
 — What, Jeffiey I Not one word for poor deal Satire? 
 Sir A. Wylie. Well, well, I wish ye wiser, man, and fatter! 
 Mr. North. I find I can make nothing of these Whigs. 
 Sir A. Wylie. We'll try to do without them, please the Pigsl 
 Mr. North. To you, to you, ye Toiies of the land 1 
 
 To you we turn, with you we take our stand ! 
 
 Not you, ye " Pluckless," who, when things look blue, 
 
 Distrust a cause sublime in spite of you. 
 
 Abandon those who bear the blazing brunt. 
 
 And fight, ye fools, your battle in your front — 
 
 No — ne'er to court your favor shall we stoop, 
 
 Nor fawn for shelter wherp your crestless eagles droop, 
 
 See Lexers to Julia, second edition, p. 104. By-th.e-by, these elegant letters are much im- 
 provea in the gecond edition. The book is now quite a bijou.— C. N. [I,uttrell. one of the 
 mom sparkling wiu of his time, who may be reproached with not having written enough.— M.J
 
 EPILOGUR. 197 
 
 To shun the conflict but hold fast tlie fspoil — 
 Clutch at the trophy, haviog shirk'd the toil — 
 
 Sir A. Wylie. — Aud gloat, while others sweat, on your 6uug roast and boill 
 
 Mr. North. Tliese are your maxims 1 Venal vapid crew ! 
 Low we may come, but ne'er so low as YOU I 
 " Low we may come !" forgive the hasty phrase, 
 Ye Tories true ! whose patronage IS praise 1 
 High the good eminence we now possess, 
 Nor shall we e'er be lower down — 
 
 Sir A. Wi/lte. [lonaeiiivg a fifth huttoii.) Or less — 
 
 Mr. North. While YOU our trumpet hear, and round our banner presa. 
 Both. Though gourdish scions of the " Servum Pecus" 
 
 Rise as if glare should dim or weight should break us, 
 Like Some tough tree these pithless boughs between, 
 Knotted and gnarled, appears THE Magazine 1 
 Some last one summer; some, with much ado, 
 Spin out a speechless Life-in-Death through two ; 
 But wanting depth of soil, and length of root, 
 Though buds a few and blossoms they may shoot. 
 One looks in vain to them for genuine juicy fruit. 
 Squeeze hard 1 One painful mouthful they supply. 
 But thirsty wits must turn to US, or die I
 
 No. IV. — JULY, 1822. 
 
 SCENE — Transferred [by poetic license) to Fiaa.* 
 
 OJohertt/, (solus.) Jupiter strike me ! but that cabbage soup and 
 roasted raisins is an infernal mixture — Blow all Italian cookery, say 
 1. Every thing is over-done here — how inferior to the Carlingford !f 
 The dishes done to rags. 
 
 Enter Waiter. 
 
 Waiter. ^lilordo, here is questo grand Lord is come, for to have 
 the onoro of kissing the manos for sua eccellenza. 
 
 Odoliertij. Kissing my what ? Show in the shaver — hand him in 
 upon a clean plate. \^Exit Waiter. 
 
 Enter Loud Byron. 
 
 Byron. Mr. Doherty, — I trust I — 
 
 Odoherty. Odoherty, if you please, sir. 
 
 Byron. !Mr. Odoherty, I have to beg pardon fur this intrusion — but 
 really, hearing you were to remain but this evening in Pisa, I could 
 not deny myself the pleasure of at least seeing a gentleman of 
 whom I have heard and read so much — I need scarcely add, that I 
 believe myself to be in the presence of the Odoherty. 
 
 Odoherty. You may say that ; but, may I take the liberty of 
 asking, who you are yourself? 
 
 ♦ A larfre portion of the preceding Noctes were written by Ma<;inn, but that wliich fnlloweth 
 (to wit. No. iV.) IS entirely from his pen. h has fo many actual points of vrnisemOlniire, that 
 even Byron himself is said to have exclaimed, after readin^r it, "By Jupiter' (lie fellow has 
 me down regularly, in black and while." The scene was l,^id in Pisa, wliiiher liyron had 
 removed in the autumn of 1>'JI, and remained until September, Ibi^J, when he went to (jeno.T., 
 and tlience. in I?'i-'i. to Greece. — The mention of this reminds me. by the way, of what tlic 
 Guiccioli said, in Her visit to London; when she was so lionized as having been the iady-lovn 
 of Byron. Slie wa-s rather fond of speaking on the subject, designating herself by some Vene- 
 tian pet phrase which certainly was not to be found in any dictionary, but which she inter- 
 preted as meaning '• Love-wife." .At Pisa, he had been sounded on the subject of going to 
 (Jreece, where it was believed he had immense wealth, where it was known that he loved the 
 ci.untry, and had written warmly in its favor. He was undecided. Again and again he w.xs 
 •elicited, each time more strongly. At last, he sportively said to the Guiccioli, '• Let fourteen 
 captains come and a.-k me to go, and go I will." " Ah," said the dama, " there are not fouitien 
 Greek captains in Italy ; now I know that you will remain.'" She mentioned, to show liow 
 slij;ht the chance was of his leaving Italy, what he said. As it was known that he strictly 
 adhered to his word, on all occasions, a letter was written to Greece, and fourteen captains 
 actually were sent out. They waited on him, pressed him to co, backing their request with 
 letters from Prince .Mavrocardato. (who otiered t* resign his leadership in favor of Byron.) and 
 the result was that, what he had playfully said, leing taken for earnest, he believed he could 
 not honorably get out of it. The result was— hia departure for Greece in August, 1S23.— M- 
 
 1 A hotel in Dublin. — M.
 
 LACRnVIA CHRISTI. 199 
 
 By ran. My name's Byron, 
 
 Odohertij. Byron ! Lord Byron ! God bless you, my dear fellow. 
 Sure I was a blockhead not to know you at first sight. Waiter ! 
 waiter! waiter! I say. They don't understand even jjlaiu English 
 m this house ! 
 
 Enter Waiter. 
 
 Waiter. Mllordo ! 
 
 Odoherty. Instantaneously a clean glass — if you have any thin-^ 
 clean in this filthy country — and, my lord, w^hat will you drink ? 1 
 drink every thing bating water. 
 
 Byron. Why, Mr. Odoherty, to be plain with you — you will find 
 but poor accommodation in these Italian inns — and I should, there- 
 fore, recommend you to come with me to my villa.* You will meet 
 fellows there — asses of the first water — native, and stranger, whom 
 you can cut-up, quiz, and humbug without end. 
 
 Odoherty. With deference, my lord, I shall stay where I am — 1 
 never knew any place where a man was so much at home as in a 
 tavern, no matter how shy. Ho ! waiter. 
 
 Waiter. Milordo ! 
 
 Odoherty. What-a have-a you-a to drink-a, in this damned house-a 
 of yours ? {Aside.) — I suppose to make the fellow understand, I must 
 speak broken English. 
 
 [Zorc/ Byron whisjiers waiter.^ who exit ; and after a moment 
 returns ivith two Jlasks of Mo ntifla scone. f 
 
 Byron. Fill, Mr. Odoherty. Your health, sir ; and welcome to Italy. 
 
 Odoherty. Your health, my lord ; and I wish we both were out of 
 it. But this stuff" is by no means so bad as I expected. What do 
 vou call it? 
 
 Byron. Lacryma Christi.J 
 
 Odoherty. Lacryma Christi ! A pretty name to go to church with ! 
 Very passable stingo — though Inishowen is, after all, rather stiff'er 
 drinking. 
 
 Byron. Inishowen ! What's that ? 
 
 Odoherty. Whisky, made in the hills about Inishowen, in the nortli.H 
 
 * In July, 1822, Byron and Shelley had their town-residences at Pisa. Byron had a rilleg- 
 gintarn (or country house) at Mont Nero, near Les'iori — Shelley's was at Lerici. Byron's 
 I'isan dwelling was the Casa Lanfrancni, (on the river Arno, which runs through the city,) 
 and IS said to have been built by Michael Angelo. It was in this palace that Byron ti^ve 
 rooms to Leiyh Hunt and his family, and here the first number of The Liberal was pie- 
 I ared. — M. 
 
 t This I take to be a mistake. They were in the region of Mcntepulciano. which Rddi. Cin 
 his " Bacco in Toscano") has pronounced to be The King of Wines. — It is a pUtsant tipp'e, 
 Bmelling like a fresh nosegay, but, unfortunately, does not bear transportation. It inuit be 
 drunk, not only in Italy, but in the very district where it is made. — M. 
 
 X There are two wines bearing this name. One is light-colored, like Hock, with a flavor 
 gcmething like aerated lemonade and sherry, — weak and sweet. The otiier (chiefly made io 
 Sicily) has aruby tint, is rough to the taste, beinsr nothing more nor less than an Italian port- 
 wine This red Lacryma Christi is much used in England to adulterate the I'orluguese port- 
 wine The sweet, pale Lacryma, mixed with an equal portion of good brandy, used :c 
 oiake a passable libation. — M. 
 
 li Of Ireland.— M.
 
 200 NOCTES AMBR0SIANJ5. 
 
 General Hart patronizes it much. Indeed the Lord Chancellor, old 
 Manners, is a great hand at it. 
 
 Bijron. I cannot exactly say I recognize whom you speak of; nor 
 did i ever hear of the liquor. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, then, I wrote rather a neat song about it once on 
 a time, which I shall just twist oft' for the edification of your lordship. 
 
 Odoherty {sings.) 
 
 1. 
 
 I care not a fig for a flagon of flip, 
 
 Or a whistliug can of riimbo ; 
 But my tongue through wliisky punch will slip 
 
 As uimble as Hurlothrumbo. 
 So put the spirits on the board, 
 
 And give the lemons a squeezer, 
 And we'll mix a jorum, by the Lord 1 
 
 That will make your worship sneeze, sir. 
 
 2. 
 
 The French, no doubt, are famous souls, 
 
 I love them for their brandy ; 
 In rum and sweet tobacco rt)lls, 
 
 Jamaica men are haridy. 
 The big-breech'd Dutch in juniper gin 
 
 I own, are very knowing ; 
 But are rum, gin, brandy, worth a pin. 
 
 Compared with luishowen ? 
 
 Extempore verse additional. 
 
 Though here with a Lord, 'tis jolly and fine, 
 
 To tumble down Lacryma Christi, 
 And over a skin of Italy's wine 
 
 To get a little misty ; 
 Yet not the blood of the Bourdeaux grape, 
 
 The finest grape-juice g<>iug, 
 Nor clammy Constantia, the pride of the Cape, 
 
 Prefer 1 to Inishowen. 
 
 Byron. Tliank ye, Mr. Odoherty. Oh ! by Jupiter, you have not 
 been flattered ; you are a prince of good-fellows ; ay, and of good- 
 looking fellows. 
 
 Odoherty The same compliment I may pay you, my Lord. I 
 never saw you before. By-the-by, you look much older than the 
 print which Murray gave me when I was up at the Coronation. 
 
 Byron. Ah ! then you know Murray 1 Murray is an excellent 
 fellow. Not such a bookseller between the Apennine and the 
 Grampian. 
 
 Odoherty. Always excepting Ebony, my Lord? 
 
 Byron. How is Ebony % I'm told he's been getting fat since I 
 saw him.
 
 SAM KOGEKS. 201 
 
 Odoherty. A porpoise. No wonder, my lord ; let them fattcii 
 who win. As for laughing, that you know, we may all screw a 
 mouth to. 
 
 Byron. On the same principle, my old friend Jeffrey must be 
 thinning apace. 
 
 Odoherty. A perfect whipping-post. But I have not seen the little 
 man this some time. I don't think he goes much into public — his 
 book 1 know does not. 
 
 Byron. Have you been in London lately, Mr. Odoherty 1 
 
 Odoherty. O yes, past through about a fortnight ago. But let me 
 request your Lordship to sink the mister entirely, and call me by my 
 name qui*'* plain — Odoherty, as it is. 
 
 Byron. Certainly. Odoherty, as you wish it — but you in return 
 must sink the Lord, and let me be plain Byron. 
 
 Odoherty. To be sure, Byron. Hunt, you know, called you " Dear 
 Byron" some years ago in a dedication ;* and if you would allow the 
 familiarity of a poor devil of a Cockney editor of a sneaking Sunday 
 paper, you would be squeamish indeed, if you wanted to be Lorded 
 by me. And yet, after all, Le Hunto is a cleverer fellow than most 
 of the Cockneys. 
 
 Byron. He's worth fifty Hoggs. These p/^i^ occasionally write 
 good verses. 
 
 Odoherty. I shan't give up Hogg. Have yon seen his last work ? 
 
 Byron. His last work ! I am glad to hear it has come at length. 
 
 Odoherty. It is quite a Chaldee. 
 
 Byron. Oh ! that's his jir!<t work. Seriously, however, I have 
 heard nothing of him since your good-humored notice of his Life in 
 Blackwood. t 
 
 Odoherty. Thank you. Baron ! I take you. By-the-by, what a 
 right good poem that was of yours, on old Bam Rogers. J You and 
 I may leave oft' quizzing one another. We at least are too much 
 up to trap. But the old banker was as mad as blazes about it. 
 
 * TVie poem of " Rimini" was dedicated to Byron, by Leigh Hunt, who comnnenced what ho 
 had to say in prose with the words. ''My dear Byron." Many years after, when Byron's books 
 came to be examined, after his death, it was found that the words " My dear Byron" had been 
 marlied out, with inlc, and " Impudent Varlet," in his Lordship's own hand-writing, written 
 opposite \ — M. 
 
 t In the summer of 1821, there appeared in Edinburgh, a third edition of Hogg's " .Mountain 
 Bard." with an auto-biography. In Blnckuwod, for Autcust, IS'il, appeared a critique npon 
 this Memoir, in which the t^hepherd's adventures were greatly ridiculed — particularly one 
 sentence, on which he positively asserted that he had written The Chaldee Manuscript, and 
 another in which he attirmed that Elarkivnod's jMnicnzhie was an oriiiinal suggestion ot liis 
 own. It w.as a. savage, slaughtering article, but Ciiristopher North insisted (in Maga), that 
 Hogg himself had written it, to gain notoriety ! — M. 
 
 t A set of dogrel rhymes, in which Rogers was complimented as possessing, ainonjf olhei 
 personal advantages, 
 
 " Features that would shame c knocker." 
 The story goes, that when Rogers visited Byron in Ftaly, the noble bard placed the satire, as 
 aforesaid, under the sofa-cusliion on which the banker-bard reposed, and chuckled at the idea 
 of hia sitting, as it were, on a sort of literary volcano ; — iVl.
 
 202 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Byron. Non mi riccirdo. I was in a state of civilation* •vsheu I 
 vrote it — if iiidood 1 did ever write such a thing. 
 
 Oduhcrtti. 'Twas Wordsworth told luc of it, and I doubt he's 
 given to humbugging much. 
 
 Bi/ron. Oh ! the old Ponder ! The great god Pan ! is he extant 
 still"? 
 
 Odoherty. Alive and sulky. lie has been delivered of two octavos 
 thi>; spring. 
 
 Byron. So have I, for that matter. Are his as heavy as mine ? 
 
 Odoherty. The Giants' Causeway to a two-year old paving-stone — 
 thundering fellows, about Roman Catholic Emancipation, which he 
 has dished" into little sonnets. Yours, however, were lumpish enough, 
 in the name of Nicholas. 
 
 Byron. The sale, at least, was heavy. 
 
 Odoherty. Your tributary, his Majesty, the Emperor of the West, 
 grumbled like a pig in the fits, I suppose. 
 
 Byron. Come, come, no personalities on this side of the Alps. 
 
 Odoherty. Satan reproving sin. That's pretty from you — the 
 bottle's out — aflor what Jetrrey has said of you — call for another — 
 in the last number of the Edinburgh — fill your glass — of the Edin- 
 burgh Review. No bad bottle this. 
 
 Byron. Why, Odoherty, you and I may joke, but such fellows as 
 these to be preaching about Cain, and canting about Don Juan is too 
 bad. I once thought Jeffrey had a little brains, but now I see he is 
 quite an old woman. 
 
 Odoherty. Nay, by the eternal frost, and that's as great an oath 
 as if I swore by the holy bottle, I agree with Jeff on this point. I 
 don't care a cracked jews-harp about him in general ; but here, faith, 
 1 must say 1 think him quite right. Consider, my lord — consider, I 
 say, what a very inmiortal work Don Juan is — how you therein 
 sport with the holiest ties — the most sacred feelings — the purest 
 sentiments. In a word, with every thing — the bottle is with you — 
 with every thing which raises a man above a mere sensual being. I 
 say, consider this, and you will not wonder so much that all England 
 is in an outcry against it, as that Murray, surrounded with the rums 
 and l)uzzt's of parsons as he is, should have the audacity to publish it 
 • — or Sir Mungo Malagrovvther — 
 
 Byron. Wlio? 
 
 Odoherty. His editor — now-a-days commonly called Sir Mungo 
 
 • Maginii made a mistake in putting such a ■word as civilation into B\Ton's mouth, as it 
 vVi one wliicli he (Maj;inn). had invented, and solely used for a long time. Pe Quiiicey 
 records Maeinn's opinion "Ihat no man, however much he mitrht tenil to civilization, was to 
 b> r«"parded a.-; having ali.-olutely reached its apex until he was drunk ;" also the fact, that, after 
 111 K. M., civilization being an odiously long word to utter, it might be abridged to ririlntion. 
 Therefore, in De Quincey's neological dictionary of English, he entered it thus : — " Civilation 
 by ellijisis, or more properly by syncope, or vigorously speaking, by hic-cup, from eiviliza- 
 ti'on."—M.
 
 DON JUAN. 203 
 
 Malagrowther. I say it is really astonishing that Murray should 
 print, or Sir Mungo have the face not to cut up, a book so destruc- 
 tive of every feeling which we have been taught to cherish. 
 
 Byron. Are you serious, Ensign? 
 
 Odolterty. Sefioiis as the rock of Cashel. 
 
 Byron. 1 did not expect it. I thought this silly outcry about Don 
 Juan and Cain was confined to the underlings of iiterature ; so much 
 so, that I was astonished to find even Jeffrey joining in it — but that 
 you, one of the first and most enlightened men of the age, should 
 adopt it — that Ensign and Adjutant Morgan Odoherty should be 
 found swelling in the war-whoop of my antagonist Dr. Southey, is 
 indeed more than 1 expected. 
 
 Odoherty. I am not an old quiz, like Malagrowther and the Laure- 
 ate : yet, my Lord Byron, I am a man and an Englishman, (1 mean 
 an Irishman,) and disapprove of Don Juan. 
 
 Byron. The devil ye do ! Why, most illustrious rival of Dr. 
 Magnus Oglethorpe, why 1 
 
 Odoherty. I have already sufficiently explained myself. 
 
 Byron. You have uttered nothing, sir, but the common old hum- 
 bug. In Don J uan I meant to give a flowing, free satire on things as 
 they are. I meant to call people's attention to the realities of things. 
 I could make nothing of England or France. There every thing is 
 convention — surfice — cant. 1 had recourse to the regions where 
 nature acts more vividly, more in the open light of day. I meant no 
 harm, upon my honor. I meant but to do what any other man 
 might have done with a more serious face, and had all the Hannah 
 Mores in Europe to answer his Plaudite. 
 
 Odoherty. I don't follow your lordship. 
 
 Byron. Not follow me, sir ] Why, what can be more plain than 
 my intention ? I drew a lively lad, neglected in his education, strong 
 in his [>assions, active in his body, and lively in his brains ; would 
 you have had me make him look as wise as a Quarterly Reviewer ? 
 Every boy must sow his wild oats; wait till Don Juan be turned of 
 fifty, and if I don't represent him as one of the gravest and most 
 devout Tories in the world, may I be hanged. As yet he has only 
 been what Dr. Southey once was, "a clever boy, thinking upon poli- 
 tics (and other subjects) as those who are boys in mind, whatever 
 their age may be, do think." Have patience. The Don may be 
 Lord Chancellor ere he dies, 
 
 Odoherty. The serious charge is your warmth of coloring. 
 
 Byron. Look at Homer, remember the cloud scene. Look at Vir- 
 gil, remember the cave-scene. Look at Milton, remember the bower- 
 scene, the scene of " nothing loth." Why, sir, poets are like their 
 heroes, and poets represent such matters (which all poets do and
 
 20-1 N0CTE3 A^tBROSIAN^. 
 
 must represent) more or less warmly, just as they are more or less 
 tnen. 
 
 Odoherty. "Well, but what do you say for Caini 'Tis blas- 
 phemous. 
 
 Bt/ron. Not intt'Utionally, at least — but I cannot see that it is so at 
 all. You know —tor i suppose you know theology as well as you 
 know everything else. 
 
 Odoherty. Like Dr. ]\Iagee — an old friend of mine, who has lately 
 been made an Archbishop.* 
 
 Byron. You know then that there is no question so puzzling in all 
 divinity — no matter under what light you view it — as the origin of 
 evil. There is no theory whatever — 1 say not one — and you may 
 take your countryman. Archbishop King's, among them,f which is 
 not liable to great objection, if the objectors be determined to cavil. 
 Now I assert, and that fearlessly, that it is quite possible to reconcile 
 my scheme, bating a few poetical tlights of no moment, with views 
 and feelings perfectly religious. 1 engage to write a commentary 
 on Cain, proving it beyond question a religious poem. 
 
 Oduhetty. Warburton did the same for the Essay on Man — but 
 convinced nobody. J 
 
 Uyron. And yet Warburton was a Bishop — yea, more than a 
 bishop — one of your brightest, deepest, proft)undest, most l)rilliant 
 theologians. 1 only ask you to extend to \\\c the same indulgence 
 you extend to JMilton — ay, even to Cumberland — if his Calvary be 
 still extant. 
 
 Odoherty. Nay, my lord, there is this difference. The intention 
 of Milton and Cumberland makes a vast distinction. They wrote 
 poems to pr(jmote religion — your lordship wrote 
 
 Byron. Mr. Odoherty, 1 presume — nay, I know — 1 am talking to 
 a gentleman. I have disclaimed irreligious intention, and 1 demand.! 
 as a gentleman, to be believed. Cain is like all poems in which 
 spiritual matters are introduced. The antagonist of Heaven — of 
 whom the Prometheus of iEschylus is the prototype — cannot be 
 maile to speak in such terms, as may not be perverted by those who 
 wish to pervert. I defy any man — I repeat it — I defy any man to 
 show me a speech — aline in Cain, which is not defensible on the 
 
 * Dr. William Mapree. author of "Discourses on the Scriptural Doctrines of the Atonement 
 and Sacrifice,'' (directed against the tenets of the Unitarians.) after having been Dean of Cork 
 and Bishop of Raphoe, w.\s made Archbishop of Dublin, in Is-J-J. lie died in l>:tl. — M. 
 
 t Dr. \Villiam King. Archbishop of Dublin, horn in ll))i», died in 17,!9. In his treatise " De 
 Ori^-iiia Mali," or the origin of evil, he undertook to show how all the se-eral kinds of evil 
 witii which the world abounds are consistent with the goodness of God, and may be accounted 
 for vilhoui the supposition of an evil principle. — M. 
 
 4 l>r. William Warburton, liishop of (iiocesler. (author of the Divine Legation of Moses.) 
 published, in a pi-riodical entitled Tne Works of the Learned, a vindication of I'oj'e. who had 
 been charged with having evinced a tendency to Spinocism and naturalism, in his Essay 'n 
 Mau. When this poem was translated into French, it had been skilfully attacked. on the abovo 
 grounds, by I'rolessor Crousaz, of Switzerland. Pojie eventually declared that he never had any 
 intention of propagating the principlesof Bolingbroke, and that Warburton iiad made his 
 (Foj'c's; Tiewii clearer even to hiiaselC ! — il.
 
 HUMBUG OF REVIEWS. 205 
 
 same principle as the haughty speech of Satan, in the fifth book of 
 Milton — or the proud defiance of Moloch in the second. In holh 
 poets — I beg pardon — in the poet, and in Cain, speeches torn from 
 the cojitext, and misinterpreted by the malevolent or the weak- 
 minded, r.iay be made to prove what was directly contrary to th;j 
 intention of the writer. 
 
 OdoherUj. To be sure, as Chief Baron O'Grady says, in his Lettoi- 
 to ^Ir. Gregory, remove the words " the fool has said in his heart ;" 
 and you can prove by Scripture that "there is no God." 
 
 Byron. I know nothing of your Chief Baron, but what he says 
 is true — and it is .so, that 1 have been criticised. I don't complain of 
 Lord Eldon. Perhaps it became his high station to deliver the judg- 
 ment he did — perhaps it was right he should bend to public opinion 
 — which opinion, however, I shall for ever assert, was stimulated bv a 
 party of more noise than numljcr. But I do confess — for I was born 
 an aristocrat — that I was a good deal pained when I saw my books, 
 in consequence of his decree, degraded to be published in sixpenny 
 numbers by Benbow, with Lawrence's* Lectures — Southey's Wat 
 Tyler — Paine's Age of Reason — and the Chevalier de Faublas. 
 
 Odohertif. I am sorry I introduced the subject. If I thought I 
 should have in the slightest degree annoyed your lordship — 
 
 Byron. I am not annoyed, bless your soul ; there is nothing I like 
 better than free discussion. Thid^ you know, can never be, except 
 between men of sense. As fi^r all your humbug of Reviews, Maga- 
 zines, &c., why, you are, at least, as much as any man alive, up to 
 their nothingness. 
 
 Odoherti/. 'Tis the proudest of my reflections, that I have some- 
 what contributed to make people see what complete stuff all that 
 affair is. 
 
 Byron. I admire your genius, Mr. Odoherty : but why do you 
 claim this particular merit % 
 
 Odoherty. Merely as a great contributor to Blackwood. That w^ork 
 has done the business. 
 
 Byron. As how^, friend Morgan % 
 
 Odoherty. Call another flask, and I'll tell you — Ay, now fill a 
 bumper to old Christopher. 
 
 Bifron. With three times three with all my heart. The immortal 
 Kit North! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! {Bibunt umbo.) 
 
 Odoherty. Why, you see, what with utterly squabashing Jeffrey 
 and what with giving Malagrowther an odd squeeze or so, — but most 
 
 • Lawrence, a celebrated anatomist in London, whose published Lectures were so tinged with 
 materialism that, becoming so popular as to be printed, the law declined proteciing him, on the 
 score of their irreligion. So, Wat Tyler, an early poem of .Southey's, which he had never pub- 
 lished, having got into print, the law did not allow an injunction on its sale, inasmuch •• it 
 was a republican poem. In lfi;Jti Southey included Wat Tyler in his collected works, without 
 alteiing n. line of it, and it certainly does not appear so republican as was originally ncpre 
 sented. — M.
 
 20G NocfES A]srni;osiAN.?i;. 
 
 of all, by doing ill that ever these folks could do in one Number 
 and then undoing it in the next, — puiling, doiiding, sneering, jeering, 
 j>ri)siii<r. pi|iinir. and so forth, ho has really taken the thing into his 
 (<\\n liamls, and convinced the lirutuni Pecus that 'tis all quackery 
 and huinliug. 
 
 Jj'i/rnti. Iliinsclf included? 
 
 Oiloherlij. No — not quite that neither. As to two or three prin 
 ciples — I niean religion, loyalty, and the like, he is always as stilF as 
 a jKiker; and al; hough he now and then puts in puffs on mediocre 
 fell 'ws. every body sees they're put in merely to fUl the pages ; and 
 the moment he or any of his true men set pen to paper, the eflect is 
 instantaneous. His book is just like the best book in the world — it 
 contains a certain portion of Baluam. 
 
 Jli/mn. And this sort of course, you think, has enlightened the 
 public ? 
 
 OJolierly. Certain and sure it has. People have learnt the great 
 lesson, that lleviews, and indeed all periodicals, merely qnd such, are 
 nothing. They take in his book not as a Review, to pick up opinions 
 of new books from it, nor as a periodical, to read themselves asleep 
 uj'on. y)nt as a classical work which haj»pens to be continued from 
 month to month; — a real Magazine of mirth, misanthropy, wit, wis- 
 dom, folly, fiction, fun, festivity, theology, bruising, and thingumbob. 
 He unites all the best materials of the Edinburgh, the Quarterly, and 
 the Sporting ^lagazinc — the literature and good writing of the first 
 — the information and orthodoxy of the second, and the flash and 
 trap of the third. 
 
 Ilyron. You speak con aniore^ sir : Why the devil am I cut up and 
 parodied in Eb(jny ? 
 
 Odoherty. Come, come, pop such questions to the marines ! Have 
 you ever been half so much cut up there as I have been ? Fill your 
 ghiss! Here's to Hnmhug. Three times three, my lord ! No two 
 men alive should fill higher to that toast than we that are here pre- 
 sent, thank God ; and I'm very glad to be here, with my legs mider 
 the same board with the author of Cain and Don Juan. 
 
 Byron. What, after abusing them both so savagely just this 
 moment. 
 
 Odoherty. So I do still ; — but I had rather have written a page of 
 Juan than a ton of Childe Harold — that was too great a bore entirely. 
 
 Byron. "Well, — waive my w'orks in toto. How is Sir Walter 
 Scott? 
 
 Odoherty. I have not seen him for nearly six months ; but he is 
 quite well, and writing Peveril of the Peak ; that is, if he be the 
 Author of Waverley. 
 
 Byron. Which he is. 
 
 Odoherty. I won't swear to that, knowing what I do about Anasta-
 
 THE rERIODICALS. 207 
 
 sni<!. Did you see how Hope bristled up in the back in Blackwood, 
 when somebody, I forget who, perhaps myself, said that you were 
 guilty of that most admirable book ? 
 
 Jii/ron. Yes, — but no matter. Could you give me any more infor- 
 aiation de re periodkali, as the Baron of Bradwardine would ha/e 
 said ? 
 
 Odoherty. \ shall sing a stave touchant that point — 
 
 1. 
 
 ! gone are the days, wlien the censure or praise, 
 
 Of the Monthly was heard with devotion ; 
 When the sight of the t)hie of old Griffitii's Review,* 
 
 Set each lieart in a pit-a-pat motion; 
 We eai'e not a curse, now, for better or worse, 
 
 For the prate of the maundering old mumper; 
 And, since it is dead, — why, no more can be said, — 
 
 Thau " Destr?iction to Cant" in a bumper. 
 
 2. 
 
 When the sense of the town had the Monthly put down, 
 
 Ml-. Jeffrey a new caper started : 
 Every fouith of a year he swoi-e to appear, 
 
 To terrify all tlie faint-hearted. 
 Then with vigor and pith, Brougham, Jeffrey, and Smith, 
 
 Began to belabor tlie natives; 
 Who, bother'd at fiist by theii' bravo and burst, 
 
 Sunk under the scribblers like caitiffs. 
 
 8. 
 
 Quite vex'd at their blows, Johnny Murray arose, 
 
 Assisted by mild Billy Gifford — 
 The Ediubui-gh work he squabash'd like a Turk, 
 
 So that folks do not now care a whitf fort. 
 But soon such a gang, there grew up slap-bang, 
 
 Of scribbleis and niViblers reviewing, 
 That people got sick of the horrible trick, 
 
 And it almost had set them a-sp g. 
 
 4. 
 
 But a figure of light soon burst on their sight, 
 
 In Bill Ebony's beautiful page« — 
 The immortal Kit Noith in his glory came forth, 
 
 With his cycle of satellite sages. 
 He call cant, it is ti'ue — he can sport a review, 
 
 Now and then, when it suits his devices ; 
 But who trusts to his prog is a bothersome dog, 
 
 If he says he is stingy of spices. 
 
 Byron. Not a bad song ! Cazzo. T have quite lost the knack of 
 song-writing. Tom Moore is the best at it now alive. 
 
 * Dr. Griffith was Ec^itor of Tlie jMnnlhlij Review for many years.— The Monthly ifaga. 
 sine was conducted by Ht Richard Phillips. — M.
 
 208 NOCTES Ain3K0SIA:s\E. 
 
 OdiJiertij. The present company excepted, you mean ; but truly, 
 my lord, I don't care a tester for that piperly poet of Green Erin. 
 I don't tiiiiik hi' ever wrote one real good song in his days. He 
 vants pith, by Jerichu ! and simplicity, and straight-f»»r\vard meaning. 
 He's always twining and whining. Give me youi old stave. 
 
 Byron. You protl-r Burns, j)erhaps, now you've been so long a 
 Scotc-hman, and heard ail their eternal puffing of one another. 
 
 Oduheity. P^h ! j^oh ! I was too old a cat for that straw. Burns 
 wrote five or six good things ; Tarn o'Shanter, M'Pherson's Lament, 
 FarLWi'll. thou fair Earth. Mary's Dream, the Holy Fair, the Stanzas 
 to a Louse on a Lady's Bonnet, and perhaps a few more; but the 
 most of his verses are mere manufacture — the most perfect common- 
 plu-i- about love and bowers, and poverty, and so forth. And as for 
 iiis pnise, why, Gad-a-inercy ! 'tis execrable. 'Tis worse than Hogg's 
 worst, or Allan Ciinniiighani's best. His letters are enough to make 
 a dog sick. 
 
 Btjron. Come, you are too severe; Burns was a noble fellow, 
 although Jeffrey abused him. But indeed that was nothing. After 
 praising the Cockneys, who cares what he reviles 1 
 
 Odohertij. Not 1. 
 
 Byron. No, no ; I don't suspect you of any such folly. Pray, 
 have you seen any of our Italian Improvisatores as yet ? What do 
 you think of their arti 
 
 Oiluhertij. That I can beat it. 
 
 JJyron. In English or Irish ? 
 
 Odoherty. In any language I know — Latin or Greek, if you like 
 them. 
 
 JJi/>on. Try Latin, then. 
 
 Odoherty. Here's Ritson. Turn him over ; I'll translate any song 
 you like off-hand. 
 
 Byron. Here, take this one — " Back and side go bare." 'Tis not 
 the worse for having a bishop for its father.* 
 
 Odoherty. Old Still must have been a hearty cock, — here goes. 
 Kead you the English, and I'll chaunt it in Latin. f 
 
 Byron reads. Cantat Dohertiades. 
 
 1. 1. 
 
 Backe and side go bare, go bare, Sint nuda dorsum, latera — 
 
 Biitli fiot and ban<le go colde : Pes, mauus, alliens sit ; 
 
 Jiut, lu-llye, God st'ude thee good ale y enough, Duni vetiiri veteiis copia 
 Wliether it be newe or olde. ZytLi novive fit 
 
 • John Still. Bishop of Bath and Wens, flourished in the reign of Elizabeth, and died in 1007. 
 Ke is the reputed author of •' Gammer Gurton's Needle," a dr.imatic piece of low humor, very 
 chanrteriftic of the manners of the English in that day. The fine old chant, ''Hack and side 
 gA oare,'' i.s introduced into this dra-na.— M. 
 
 1 This Latin version ha.< been considered one of Msginn's best translations. Itgivoitnotunly 
 the actual meaning, but thr measure, witn rhymes and double rhymes. — iM.
 
 BISHOP still's chant. 
 
 209 
 
 I cannot eat but lytle meate. 
 
 My etomacke is not good ; 
 Eut sure I tliinke that I can drynke 
 
 With him that weares a hood. 
 Though I go bare, take ye no care, 
 
 I am notliiug a eokle ; 
 I stuff my skyu so full within, 
 
 Of jolly good ale and olde. 
 Baeke and side go bare, go bare, 
 
 Both foote and hande go colde ; 
 But, bcUye, God sende thee good ale enoughe, 
 
 Whether it be newe or olde. 
 
 I love no rest, but a nut-browne toste, 
 
 And a crab laid in the fyre ; 
 A little breade shall do me stead, 
 
 Much breaiie I not desyre. 
 7.^0 frost nor snow, nor wiude, I trowe, 
 
 Can hurt me if I wolde ; 
 I am so wrapt, and throwly lapt. 
 
 Of jolly good ale and olde, 
 Backe and side go bare, &c. 
 
 3. 
 
 And Tyb, my wyfe, (hat, as her lyfe, 
 
 Loveth well good ale to seeke ; 
 Full oft drynkes shee, tyll ye may see 
 
 The teares run down her cheeke : 
 Then dowth she trowle to mee the boule, 
 
 Even as a mault worine shuld ; 
 And sayth, "Sweete hart, 1 took my parte 
 
 Of this joUy good ale and olde." 
 Back aud side go bare, tfec. 
 
 Now let them drynke, till they nod and wynke, 
 
 Even as good felowes should doe : 
 They sliall not mysse to have the blysse 
 
 Good ale doth bringe men to. 
 And all poore soules that have scowr'd boules. 
 
 Or have them lustely trolde, 
 God save the lyves of them and their wyves, 
 
 Whether they be yonge or old. 
 Backe and syde go bare, <fec. 
 
 Non possum multum edero, 
 
 Quia stomachuci est nulhia ; 
 Sed volo vel moiiaeho biliere 
 
 Quaiiquam sit liuio cncullus. 
 Et quamvis inuius aiubiilo, 
 
 De frigore non est melus ; 
 Quia semper Zytho vetulo 
 
 Veutriculus est inipk-tus. 
 Sint Huda dorsum, hitera — 
 
 Pes, manus, algens sit ; 
 Dum ventri veteris copia 
 
 Zythi uovive fit. 
 
 2. 
 Assatum nolo — tostura volo— 
 
 Vel pomum igni situm ; 
 Nil pane careo — parvum hnbeo 
 
 Pro paue appetitum. 
 Me gelu, nix, vel veutus vix 
 
 Affieerent injuria. ; 
 Haec speruo, ni adesset mi 
 
 Zythi vetei'is penuria. 
 Sint Quda, ^c. 
 
 Et uxor Tybie, qui semper sib 
 
 Vult quterere Zythum bene, 
 Ebibit htec perssepe, nee 
 
 Sistit, dum madeant genae. 
 Et mihi turn dat cantharum, 
 
 Sic mores sunt bibosi ; 
 Et dicit " Cor, en ! impleor 
 
 Zythi dulcis et annosi" 
 Sint nuda, <tc 
 
 4. 
 
 Nunc ebibant, donee nictant 
 
 Ut decet virum bonum • 
 Felicititis habebunt satis. 
 
 Nam Zythi hoc est donum. 
 Et omnes hi, qui canthari 
 
 Sunt haustibus lajtati, 
 Atque uxores veljuniores 
 
 Vel senes, Diis sint gratL 
 Sint nuda, <tc. 
 
 Byron. Bravo — bravissimo ! — why, you would beat old Camillo 
 Qiierno if you would only learn Italian.* 
 
 Odoherty. I intend to learn it between this and the end of the 
 
 * Camillo Querno was a Neapolitan poet of the 15th century, who acquired great fame bv 
 his faculty for extempore versification, and obtained the name (first given him by eome of hir 
 convivial friends, while at Rome, in 1514) of Arch-ruet. Leo X. was much pleased with h..-- 
 buifoonery, and often admitted him to his table. He died in 15iJ8 — M. 
 
 Vol. I— 16
 
 210 KOCTl S AimUOSIAA.K. 
 
 week. There is no language on the face of the earth I could not 
 learn in tliroo Jays. — except Sanscrit, which took nie a week.* It 
 took l^Iarbhani of Scraniporc seven years. Would your lordship 
 wish to hear a Sanscrit ode I wrote to A. W. Schlegel ? 
 
 Byron. No, thank you, not just now. You are not doing the 
 Lacryma justice. 
 
 Oduheriii. Curse it, — it is getting cold on my stomach. Is there 
 no more stout potation in the house ? 
 
 JJi/ron. Brandy, I prcsunic, — but the sugar is execrable. 
 
 Odvherly. No matter, it makes superb grog, — almost as good as 
 rum — far better than whisky. Have you any objection, Byron ? 
 
 Byron. Not the least ; whatever is agreeable to you. Ilola ! — 
 
 Enter waiter- — exits — and returns tvith a skin of brandy. 
 
 Odohertij. Ay, this skin is a pretty thing. It puts a man instino- 
 tively in mind of a skinful. Gargle it most delicately. Flow, thou 
 regal amber stream. Talk of the Falls of the Rhone in comparison 
 with such a cascade as this ! Here — water — aqua pura. Ay, tliat 
 will do. You are putting too much water, my lord — it will rise on 
 your stomach, as old Doctor Rumsnout often told me. 
 
 Byron. Nay, mix as you please, and let me settle my own tipple. 
 
 Odolierly. Oh ! of course, freedom of will. But this is for supe- 
 rior to the rascally quail" we have been drinking. By all accounts 
 your lordship leads a gay life here. 
 
 Byron. Not more gay than you have led elseM'hcre. But if you 
 allude to what you see in the papers, and the travels of impertinent 
 and underbred tourists ; — underbred they must be, else they would 
 not publish anecdotes of the private life of any gentleman, to satisfy 
 the multitude, even if they were true — nothing can be more false or 
 ridiculous. I sedulously cut the English here, on pur])ose to avoid 
 being made food for journals, and Balaam to swell the pages of gab- 
 bling tourists. Indeed, I have not been in general treated well by 
 these people. Then there are my Memoirs, publ ished by Colburn 
 
 Odoherty. A most audacious imposture ! He had heard the report 
 of your having given your Life to Moore, and, accordingly, thinking 
 he might make a good thing of it, he hires at once Dictionary ^^'atkins 
 to set about Memoirs,! which, to give old Gropius credit for indus- 
 try, he touched up in a fortnight; and advertised it was, as the 
 Memoirs of Lord B., particularly in the country papers. 
 
 Byron. Industry ! it was only the industry of the scissors, for half 
 the book is merely cut out of the Peerage, giving an account of my 
 
 • Maeinn scarcely exagperated his -wondrous faculty in acquirinjr aknowledjeof lang;uagfl» 
 He wai acquainted with nearly all the di-aJ, and ino^l of the living lon;;ULS.— M. 
 
 ij^'' ^'^^'""'^ ^^^ ^ ^"^^ of Ceneral life-writer. He compiled Memoirs of Byron, which 
 ^o.d very well, and wrote a Life of Irheridan, comtJOted from newspaper larairraphs, plav-book», 
 and rarliaiaenlary reports.— M. i i i o i u j .
 
 BTEON AND BLACKWOOD. 211 
 
 old grim ancestors — and newspapers, magazines, and other authcntio 
 vehicles of intelligence supply the rest. 
 
 Odoherty. 1 can assure you, my lord, it imposed on many simple, 
 chucklcheaded, open-mouthed people, as your Autobiography. 
 
 Byron. Impossible. An idiot must have known that 1 had not 
 any thing to do with it, even from its style. 
 
 Odokerty. Style — as to style, that is all fudge. I myself have 
 written in all kind of styles from Burke to Jeremy Bentham. But 
 I assure your lordship the mob charge you with these Memoirs. 
 
 Byron. Why, really some people believe me capable of any kind 
 of stuff. You remember I was accused of writing puffs for Day and 
 Martin. 
 
 Odoherty. A calumny, I know, my dear Byron, for / am myself 
 author of them. By the way, have you heard the epigram on your 
 disclaimer 1 
 
 Byron. No — tell it me — I hope it is good. 
 
 Odoherty. You shall judge. 
 
 ON READING THE APPENDIX TO LORD BYROn's TRAGEDY OF THE TWO 
 
 FOSCARI. 
 
 Is Byron surprised that liis enemies say 
 
 He makes puffing verses for Martin and Day? 
 
 Why, what other task could his lordship take part ia 
 
 More fit than the service of Day, and of Martin ? 
 
 So shining, so dark — all his writing displays 
 
 A type of this liquid of Martin and Day's — 
 
 Gouvernautes — Kings — laurel-crown'd Poets attacking — 
 
 Oh ! he's master complete of the science of Blacking 1 
 
 Byron. No great affair. But there are " many more too long" to 
 trouble you with, which the public give me credit for. 
 
 Odoherty. As for instance, the attack on Ebony. Give me a speci- 
 men of that — or give me the thing itself, and I shall make him 
 print it. 
 
 Byron. It is too stale now ; besides, I have quite forgotten it. 
 Murray has the only copy I know of — and I shall write to him to 
 give it to you on your return.* 
 
 Odoherty. Thank you — and a copy of the Irish Advent, too 1 
 
 Byron. Hush ! Hush ! 
 
 Odoherty. You need not be afraid of me, my lord, I have seen it ; 
 there are a dozen copies in existence. 
 
 Byron. Let's change the subject. Giving my Memoirs was not 
 the first trick Colburn served mc. You remember the Vampire 
 affair. 
 
 * The Letter to the EJitor of Blaekwood^s Magazine was first printed in 1830, in Moore'g 
 Brroa. — M.
 
 212 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN.E. 
 
 Odolnrhj. Ah! poor Jack Polidori I Lord rest him. Polidovi 
 was bribed on the ocrasion.* c c ^^ t> 
 
 JJi/ron. I am sorrv tor it, I once thought him a fair fellow. IJiit 
 vou'see in liiis lat'clipeniiy Life how Colburivs hack pretends to 
 censure the forgery, thouiih his employer was the sole planner and 
 manager of the aHair— and it was he who got some people in the 
 Kuw U. father the pnblished pamphlet— the separate one, you know. 
 
 OJo/ierti/. Ay — and I heard, on authority which I believe, that 
 Cuiburn winclled a disavowal of your being the author, which sor«"ie 
 pt-rson had written and prefixed to the notice of the Vampire in the 
 iW-w Mont hi V, 
 
 Bi/rov. Hand me the brandy, that I may wash my mouth after 
 mentioning such things. How is the New Monthly 1 
 
 Oduhcrtu. L>ving hard. Nobody of talent about it except Camp- 
 bell himself, who is too lazy. As *for * * * * * * * ***** ***** 
 and other mere asses — 
 
 Byron. I have never heard of the worthies you mention. 
 
 Odohvrtij. By jingo, I am sure of that. **** is a great officer. 
 He sits in the theatre taking notes, as magisterially as a judge docs 
 on a trial, and with as much dignity. 
 
 Byron. Transcat. Murray sends me shoals of periodicals. There 
 appears to be a swarm of them lately, and 1 find I am a popular 
 subject for all. Not a fellow takes pen in hand without criticising 
 me. 
 
 Odiiherty. Oxoniensis gave you, or rather Murray, a good rib- 
 roasting, I trouble you for the bottle. 
 
 Byron. I think too harshly — but the Oxonians are great big-wigs. 
 
 (ido/ierty. Oh! thundering tearers, in their own opinion. I 
 remember ****, who, n'importe — going into Covent Garden a few 
 years ago, simultaneously with the Prince Regent. The audience, 
 of course, rose out of respect to his Royal Highness, and remained 
 for some time standing; on which the delighted Tyro — hot from 
 Rhedycina, exclaimed — God bless my soul — these good people, who 
 meanwcll, 1 dare say, have been informed that 1 am in the first class, 
 and about to stand for Oriel. f 
 
 Byron. Ha! ha! ha! I shall, however, look back always with 
 
 pleasure to the days. 
 
 When smitten first witli sacred love of song, 
 1 roamed old Oxfords hoary piles among 4 
 
 •When Byron was in Switzerland, in ISIG. the Shelleys and himself ajreed thateach 
 should writ'; a prose siory. Mrs. Siielley produced 'Frankenstein," Hyron wrote a fra','iiient, 
 and Dr. I'olidori, (his pliysioian.) wrote a tale called "The Vampire" which has repeatedly 
 been dramatized, although very deticienl in literary merit. Wlien Polidori came to Kug- 
 land, he publi.ihed this story as Byron's, which drew ft disclaimer from the noble poet 
 Pjl.dori finally perished by his own hand. — M, 
 
 1 For a Fellowship 7 — M. 
 Maginn has a. lapsus j^nnrr. here. It was not "old Oxford's hoary piles among" whicl) 
 ByroD roamed. Ho was a member of Trinity College, Cambridge. — M
 
 JOHN CLAKE. 213 
 
 and forgive Oxoniensis, yihom I know. But let us return, I do not 
 want intbrrnation about the great magnates of your Enf^lish literature 
 — or those reputed such — but I should wish to hear something 
 of the minors — the insect tribes. Who are your magazine, dicf 
 scribblers 1 
 
 Odoheriy. Innumerable as the snipes in the bog of Allen, There 
 is Clare poetizing for the London. 
 
 Byron. An over-pufted youth, that plough-boy appears to be, 
 
 Odoherty. He may have written some pretty things, but he is 
 taken now to slum, scissoring, namby-pamby, and is quite spoiled- 
 But it is a good thing to have a good conceit of one's self, and that's 
 the bf y who has it. He has pitted himself against Hogg, whom he 
 considers as his inferior. 
 
 Byron. Quelle gloire ! they should have an amabean contention, 
 like the clowns in Virgil, Suggest this to North, with my compli 
 ments. 
 
 Odoherty. Surely — it is a good hint. But Clare never will write 
 any thing like the " Dedication to Mr, Grieve," or " The Flyin"- 
 Tailor of Ettrick," until he is boiled again, 
 
 Byron. I am told he is a delicate retiring young man. And that's 
 more than can be said of you. Ensign and Adjutant. You have beer, 
 always too much a lady's man, 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, — and so has somebody else who shall be nameless. 
 I have had, I take it, somcvvhere about 144 pretty little bantlings — 
 God bless them — of all colors in various quarters of the globe, 
 
 Byron. You would be a useful man in a new colony. Why don't 
 you take the Quarterly hint, and settle in Shoulder of Mutton Bay 
 Van Diemen's Land ? 
 
 Odoherty. Thank you for the hint — as much as to say, I ought to be 
 sent across the water to Botan3^ But to the insects, Taylor, also, 
 its publisher, is a writer for the London, He continues Johnson's 
 Lives of the Poets ! 
 
 Byron Surely you joke.* It is as good a jest as if Hazlitt were 
 to take it into his head to continue Chesterfield, 
 
 Odoherty. Yet such is the fact. But don't mention it ; for Taylor, 
 who really is a decent fellow, wishes it to be kept secret, being 
 heartily sick of the concern. There are fifty other " Gentlemen of 
 the Press," but really they are too obscure to bother your hirdship 
 with. Some new periodical — name unknown — is supported by 
 Proctor, the great tragedian. 
 
 Byron. Nay, I am jealous of Cornwall, as of a superior poet. His 
 Mirandola floated proudly through the theatre. My Faliero was 
 damned. 
 
 ♦ The continuation was written, not by John Taylor, but by Gary, the tran^^lator o' 
 Wanlo.— M.
 
 "14 NOCTES AMBKOSrAX.E. 
 
 Oduherty. I know it was d J ungenteel in Elliston to put it in 
 
 the way of being so.* But there is no making a silk purse out of a 
 sow's ear. 
 
 Huron. IIow is my old friend, " My Grandmamma's Review, the 
 BriiiVh ?" 
 
 OJofierfi/. Just as merry and jocular as ever — but the British 
 Critic is dying. Kivingtun has started the Monthly Literary Censor, 
 it is said, to supersede it. 
 
 Byron. And my old foe, the Literary Gazette? 
 
 Oduhertt/. Doing well. But what need you be so thin-skinned as 
 to mind sueh little flea-bites] 
 
 Jhjrun Flehll et insignis tota canta1)itur urbe. Faith, I don't like 
 to be [>eslered with impunity. Has it any rivals ? 
 
 Odoherty. Lots. Valpy setup the Museum, a weekly paper,f the 
 other day, against it. When I tell you that black-letter Tom 
 Fogrum Dibdin J is the chief hand, I need not add that it is dull and 
 harmless. 
 
 JJyroii. No — that's pretty evident. But truce with periodical 
 chit-chat. 
 
 OJuJierty. Shall I give you news from Parnassus? 
 
 Jjyron. No — no — no — I am sick of that. Did you see my Wer- 
 ner and my New Mystery ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes — Alurray showed them to me in sheets. 
 
 Jjyron. Well, what did you think of them ? 
 
 Odoherty. Like every thing that comes from your lordship's pen, 
 they are tinged with the ethereal hues of genius, — and perfumed with 
 fragrance of the flowers that grow upon the brink of Ilelicon. 
 
 Byron. IIo ! I see, my friend, you have joined the Irish school of 
 oratory. But as that goes for nothing, what do you, without trope or 
 figure, think of them ? 
 
 Odoherty. Seriously, my lord, I admire them when they are good, 
 and dislike them when they are bad. (Aside.) — That is, I like five 
 pages, and dislike fifty. (To Lord B.) — But, my lord, why do you 
 not try your hand at your own old style — the tale — the occasional 
 poetry ; you know what I mean? 
 
 • As the law then stood, once that a play was printed, a manager might put it on the stage, 
 without payment to the author, or even asking his permission. Elliston, when manager of 
 Uriiry l.anc. in l.vjl, produced "Marino Faliero,'" though Byron, in the preface, had said that 
 il was neither intended nor written for the stage. It did not succeed in representation. — M. 
 
 t The Uritish litvieiv, British Critic, Monthly Literary Censor, and Museum, hive long 
 been of the pa.'^t — M. 
 
 X Thomax Krognall Dibdin, nephew of the fong-writer, was a zealous bibliographer 
 Originally intended for the law, he entered the church in 1^04. His- "Bibliomania," which 
 et once enablished his character as a writer, was published in ItU9, and was followed by a 
 variety of boolcn, on a great many subjects. Of these, the most remarkable is a " Biographical, 
 Antiquarian, and Picturesque Tour," (on the Continent, in l^^IMK and his " Reminiscences ot 
 a Literary Life," in Ifc*). He was one of the founders of the Roxburghe Club, in l.-!l'2, and 
 died in 1- I", aced seventy-two. I knew him in his later years, and found him full of literary 
 •oforination, and an eager to communicate as I was to receive it. He was small in stature 
 with a countenance expressive of much firmness, and a pro(u.«ioacf gray hair. — M.
 
 IBMAIL rnz-ADAM. 215 
 
 Bijron. Because I am sick of heinjT iinitati'd. I revolt at the idea 
 of the lower orders making desperate attempts to climb the ardiiou? 
 mount. I have been publicly accused of seducing, by my example, 
 youths 
 
 Dcom'd their fathers' hopes to cross, 
 To pen a stanza when they should engross. 
 
 And I shall not, — at least just now I think I shall not — lead the way 
 for sentimental and poetical hard-handed and hard-headed good peojijo 
 to follow. There is no danger of their fuUuwing me into the lofty 
 region of tragedy. 
 
 Odoherty. Whew! Why, you are playing the aristocrat with a 
 vengeance. There is, however, one lowly poet whom 1 would recom- 
 mend to your attention. 
 
 Byron. Whom % 
 
 Odoherty. He is so modest, that he does not wish his name to be 
 mentioned, and writes his " lays" under the title of Ismail Fitz- 
 Adam.* 
 
 Byron, I never heard of him. 
 
 Odoherty. I did not imagine you did : and yet he has written some 
 things which would not have disgraced the pen of a Byron. I could 
 not say more of any man, {Lord B. botvs and stnile-s.) Nay, my lord, 
 1 am quite in earnest ; and though very poor, and only a common 
 sailor, he has that spirit of independence which I hope will always 
 animate our navy, and refuses all direct pecuniary assistance. 
 
 Byron. What, in heroics again ! But he is quite right. Do his 
 books sell ? 
 
 Odohertij. Not as they ought — very slowly. 
 
 Byron. I am sorry for it. On your return, bid Murray put my 
 name down for fifty copies. 
 
 Odoherty. You were always a gentleman, my lord : but the bottle 
 is out, and I am some hundred yards distant from civilation yet. 
 
 Byron. Pardon me — do as you like; but 1 shall not drink any 
 more. 
 
 Odoherty. Not till the next time, you mean. Could I get a song 
 o\it of your lordship ? 
 
 Byron. On what subject'? 
 
 Odoherty. On any. Parody one of your own serious humbugs 
 Suppose — "There's not a joy that life can give." 
 
 Byron. Very well — here goes — accompany me on the pipes, which 
 I see you have brought with you to alarm the Italians.f 
 
 • In 1P20, Ismail Fitz-Adam published a spirited poem called "The Harp of the resert,*" 
 descriptive of tl.e battle of Algiers. In IS-2l,he brought out " Lfys on Land,'" which attracted 
 considerable notice. In .Tunc, lfi-2:?. he died. This author's real name was John .Maoken and 
 he was a native of Ireland. Although of respectable family ind classically educated, h« 
 served as a common sailor in the Battle of Algit-rs, in I^iti. — M. r i. i 
 
 T Tho bag-pipes are nearly as well known, and as much played «n, in the North ol Italy, u 
 in Scotland. — M.
 
 216 NOCTES AiroROSIAK^ 
 
 SONG. 
 
 there's not a joy that life can give,* &c 
 
 Tune — Grand March in Scipio. 
 
 1. 
 
 There's not a joy that -wine can (jive like that it takes away, 
 
 Wheu slight intoxication yields to drunkenness the sway, 
 
 'Tis not tbit youth's smooth cheek its hlitsh surrenders to the nose, 
 
 But the stomach turns, the forehead burns, and all our pleasure goes. 
 
 2. 
 TTien the few, who still can keep their cliairs amid the smash'd decanters, 
 Who wanton still iu witless jokes, and laugh at pointless banteis — 
 7' he ina(jnet of their course is gone — for, let them try to walk, 
 Their legs, they speedily will tiud as joincless as their talk. 
 
 3. 
 
 Then the mortal hotness of the brain, like hell itself, is burning, 
 
 It ca7t7iot feel, nor dream, nor think — 'tis whizzing, blazing, turning — 
 
 The heavy wet, or port, or rum, has mingled with our tears, 
 
 And if by chance we're weeping drunk, each drop our cheek-bone scare. 
 
 4. 
 
 Thovgh fun still flow from fluent lips,\ and jokes confuse our noddies 
 Through niiibiight hours, while punch our powers insidiously enfuddlea, 
 'T'lS but as ivy leaves were worn by Bacchanals of yore. 
 To make them still look fresli and gay while rolling on the floor. 
 
 5. 
 Oh! could /walk as 1 have walk'd, or see as I have seen ; 
 Or even roll as I have done on many a carpet green — 
 As port at Highland inn seems sound, all eorkish though it be, 
 So would I the Borachio kiss, and get blind drunk with thee. 
 
 Odohertrj. Excellent — most excellent. 
 
 Byron. Xay, I don't shine in parody — Apropos, de bottes — Do 
 you know any thing of Bowles ? 
 
 Odohertij. Your antagonist 1 
 
 Byron. Yes. 
 
 Odoherty. I know he's a most excellent and elegant gentleman, who 
 gave your lordship some rubber.s.f 
 
 Byron. 1 flatter myself he had not the game altogether in his own 
 
 • The actual title of these "Stanzas for Mupic," (as they are called in Byron's Poems.) is 
 not correctly given here. The first stanza runs thus : 
 
 " There's not a joy the world can pive like that it takes away, 
 When the glow of early thoueht declines in feeling-'s dull decay; 
 'Tis not on youth's smooth cheek the blush alone, whioli fades so fast. 
 But the lender bloom of heart is gone, ere youth itself be past." 
 
 These lines bear date March, 1S15. — M. 
 
 t Tlie ipsi'imn verba are '• Thouffh wit may flash from fluent lips." — M. 
 
 t One of Bowles's pamphlets, during the controversy with Byron, on the merits of Popo, as s 
 poet, had the motto •' He who plays at liote/es must expect rubbers.'^ — This was about th« 
 pest thing in the work. — M.
 
 WILLIAM L. BOWLES. O-f^ 
 
 hcands. He, indeed, is a geMtlemanlike man, and so was Ali Pacha 
 —but a heretic with respect to Pope. By-the-by, is not Murray 
 going to give a new edition of the great Ethic, the Bard of Twiclf- 
 cnhani 1 
 
 Odoherft/. No, not now. He was, but in the mean time Roscoe 
 the gillyflower of Liverpool, announced his intention of comin<r forth 
 —and Murray's editor declined. His Western Majestv, however, 
 took the merit of declining it himself, and made a great matter of 
 his condescension to Roscoe, who swallowed it. In the meantime, 
 one of Murray's huff-caps cut Roscoe to pieces, in the review of 
 Washington Irving's Sketch Book, in the Quarterly. 
 
 Byron. Ha ! ha ! Well done, Joannes de Moravia. But is Bowles 
 as thin-skinned as ever with respect to criticism? 
 
 OJohertij. No — I should think not. Tickler, at Ambrose's, drew 
 rather a droll description of him the other night, painting hin'i in a 
 shovel-hat, &c., which somehow or other got into print, and Bowles 
 was quite tickled by it, 
 
 Byron. The devil he wms ! 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, and accepted the office of bottle-holder to North, in 
 the expected turn-up between Christopher and Tom Moore,* in the 
 most handsome manner possible, chanting a la Pistol, 
 
 Thou hast produced me in a gown and band, 
 
 And shovel, oh ! sublimest Christopher, 
 
 And I shall now thy bottle holder be. 
 
 Betting my shovel to a 'prentice cap, 
 
 That neither Tom nor Byron [meaning you,my lord,^ will stand up 
 
 A smgle moment 'gainst your powerful facers, 
 
 When you set to in fistic combat fairly. 
 
 But now that I have told you so much about British literature, give 
 me something of the literature of this, I am sorry to say it, your 
 adopted country. 
 
 Byron. I might perhaps shock your political principles. 
 
 Odoherty. 1 have not any. So push on. 
 
 Byron. This poor country is so misgoverned — 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, so your man Hobhouse says — 
 
 Byron. What, Hobbio — mobbio — Psha ! But really the Austrian 
 domination is so abom — {Licft speaking.) 
 
 * Blackwond. for Jannary 1822, opened with a truculent Preface, in very large type, in v/hicJ. 
 Christopher North stated that he happened to know that Moore had written a satirical poem on 
 the Magazine and its contributors, and recommended him not to publish it ; addinp that, if lie 
 did, r^Jorf.h would republish it, so as to fill the ri{!:ht-hand columns of about a dozen pagrs of I tie 
 Magazine, and to fill the left-hand column with original verses, on the same measure, (whit- 
 cvkt that might be) upon Moore. To have fair play in this set-to, Christopher suguesled that 
 anipires be appointed from among the friends of the distinguished combatants, — '• We appoint 
 for ourselves Neai [the pugilist] and the Kev. William Lisie Kowles — and we suggest to.Aloore, 
 in the true spirit «f British courage, Gas [also a bozer] and Mr. Montgomery, the "author of 
 the World before the Flood." In the words of the Ring, I have to state that Moore did not 
 come to the scratch 1 — AL
 
 2JS NOCTES AMUROS fAN.E. 
 
 illctiicnm Sijmposium 3inbrosianitm. 
 
 sLi: ruuriNATio rotTi-A nokthi.* 
 
 CoiiE. ilorgiui, fill up my boy, lianclle the huile, 
 
 Tlio biat iu oKl Ireliuid is seut U> tlie cradle — 
 
 Gtl iiut <if those tluiiips, man, thfv liuit soul and body — 
 
 Put a xlick iu the bowl, my boy, push louud the toddy. 
 
 Tliafs right, my brave Ensign, what spirit now lightens 
 From out vour two eyes — how your brow it up-brightens — 
 You now look yourself, man, and not a la Werter, 
 'W'heu you near blew your braius out for Mrs. M'Whirter. 
 
 And now since we're merry, come fill up the glasses — 
 Wt'll drink to our Poets, (we've toasted our lasses,) 
 To all the high bards of our beautiful Islands, 
 From famed Counemara, all round to the Highlands. 
 
 A bumper, my boys, here's the profligate Baron ' 
 Who his Pegasus bi'oke to a Tragedy Garrou'^ 
 In carrying logs to the temple of Belus, 
 To buru that half man they call Sardauapalus. 
 
 His Lordship, who, iu the dull play, the Fosairi, 
 Wrote worse than e'er Coekuey laud's regent, mild Barry, 
 And whoso fame and whose genius came down to their Zero 
 In the robbei'ies and wretchedness of Faliero. 
 
 He with folly inflated, with vanity reeling, 
 
 And mocking at nature, at morals, and feeling, 
 
 At the pride of the brave, at the tears of the tender. 
 
 And who cares for tliem all aud their ties not a Lender.* 
 
 Who spouts out more venom than an Amphisboena 
 
 On the land of his birth; and. like laughing Hyena, 
 
 iloeks at the brave country, he scarce should dare dream on— 
 
 At whose blood and whose glory he sneer'd like a demon. 
 
 Who in Italy lives, and who babbles of slavery. 
 
 And who lately displayed his high mettle aud bravery, 
 
 In hotly pursuing an old drunken sergeant — * 
 
 On his arms he should quarter a halbert in argent. 
 
 /r 
 No 
 hi 
 
 ■xrcji solely between Odoherty and Byron. — .\l. 
 
 •George Gordon Byron, born 2-Jd January, 1738, in London, died in Greece, April 19 
 
 i A IVi.ev— Hibern.— C. N. 
 
 ' Alias, a lestf r— alia.s, a sixpence. — C. N. 
 
 •Byron, who nad previuu-vly resided at Ravenna, removed to Pisa with the Gambas (fathci 
 and brother of the Countess Guiccioli, who accompanied them) iu the autumn of J.S-21. 
 Here, a< in other parts of Italy, he was su.spected, and not without cause, of having secretly 
 }(jii.tii the Carbonari. The result was, that the military attempted to arrest him, a fmrat 
 en^ued, which ended in the removal of Byron and his friends, first to Lechorn, and finally to 
 uenoa. — M '
 
 METRICUM SYMroSIUM. 21 9 
 
 But, liis health ! — like ourselves, he is fond of a frolic. 
 May lie ne'er die in ehiUl-bed, or fuiiit with the colic I 
 May he (lie an old man, gootl, reUi^ions, and hoarv, 
 And win and wear long the true wreath of his glory I 
 
 But would he were here — He could have wine and laughter, 
 And wlien wakened to-moridw — maybe the day after — 
 With head like sick lily — a lily of Hennon's, 
 We'd give him some soda, anti Matmiu's sermons. 
 
 Here, fill up for Sir Walter ! — but stop, lie's no poet. 
 When tlie (Joekiieys think meet, they will easily show it.* 
 Sir Walter a poet ! Faitii, thai's a misnomer, 
 But still, here's success to our 2^ortheru Homer. 
 
 Come, fill high for Tom Moore ! would this bumper could guiu us 
 A truce with the sweet Ullle Pauder of Venus !" 
 'Tis diamond cut diamond when lie and we quarrel, 
 But we value his wrath as the dregs of that barrel 
 
 Then Tommy, agia ! * if you fall out with Blackwood, 
 For dying luxuriously, purchase a Packwood — 
 Frank Jetfrey, and ail that, was nothiug for certain, 
 To us ; but tbat's all in my eye, Betty Martin. 
 
 Then, here's to poor Tom, and his verses so sunny, 
 That made all our maids and young widows so funny ; 
 Which sent half the spalpeens of Monster dragooning, 
 And sent all the puuks in the kingdom salooning. 
 
 Now, the Minstrel of Gertrude' — Compiler of Colburn — 
 Once .be bard of high Scotland — now tliat of High Holborn, 
 Whose jicgliugs the Cockney-lambs lead like a ram-bell. 
 And, after the toast, strike up " Rantiug Tom Campbell" 
 
 Now, here's to Will Wordsworth, so wise and so wordy,'" 
 And tlie sweet simple hymns of his own hurdy gurdy — 
 Who in vain blows the bellows of Milton's old organ, 
 While he thiuks he could lull all the snakes on the Gorgon. 
 
 Now drain for mad Coleridge" — the mj'stieal Lacon, 
 Who out-cants Wild Kant, and out-Bacons old Bacon — 
 The vain, self-tormenting, and eloquent railer, 
 Who out of his tropes Jer?-i(5s Jeremy Taylor. 
 
 6 It was laid down, in the Cockney canons of criticism, that Sir Walter fc'colt waLS — nc 
 poet I— M. 
 
 ' To be pronounced Hibernically, Va-nus, rhythmi gratia. — C. N. 
 
 ' Bliickicnod, before and after this day, was not only kind, but forbearing towards Thomas 
 Moore, whose genius was duly appreciated in its pages, but it had been stated that "the po^l 
 of all circles and idol of his own," had written a saucy pasquinade upon Wilson, and Lis 
 friends ; hence, the tone of truculent defiance in the song. — M. 
 
 "> Anglice, my darling. — C. N. 
 
 9 Thomas Campbell, at this time, and for some years later, was editor of Colburn's Ne'e 
 Monthly Mngnzine. — M. 
 
 10 Wii liaia Wordsworth, born in April, 1770, died in ISfjO. His Descriptive Sketches appeared 
 in 1793; Lyrical Ballads, in 179ti ; Poems in ls07 ; The Excursion, in IriU ; While D.>* ol 
 Rylstone, iii Islo ; Peter Bell, in lbl9 ; Sonnets, in 1.^20 ; JMemorials <jf a Touron the Continenl. 
 in lb-2'2, and Poems of Karly Years, in li->4v!. — M. 
 
 " Samuel Taylor Coleridge, born in 177U, died in 1834.— M.
 
 '^liU NOCTES AilBKOSIANiE. 
 
 Success to the Bard of the Bay ! — may he wear it 
 Till we see from his temples one worthy to tear it— 
 And, though his hexameters are somewhat mouthy, 
 ITiis glass will make grceuer the laurel of Southey." 
 
 Aud, after the Minstrel of Roderic aud Madoc, 
 
 "We'll be pardou'd to give our poetical Sadoc, 
 
 Mad Shelly," the wild atlieist (Joi'yphceus, 
 
 Whose I'oems aud Thoughts are a " Curse and a Chaos." 
 
 Now, here's Billy Bowles," both for epic aud sonnet, 
 Who Lord Byrun has bother'd, I lay my life on it — 
 Aud here's our best wish to the long-sodden'd flummery, 
 So thick and so slab, of mild Jemmy Montgomery.'^ 
 
 And here's the Poetical Bauk of Sam Rogers — 
 Firm still by the aid of old England's old Codgers, 
 "Whose notes are as good as those giveu by Lord Fanny," 
 Or Lord Byron, who puffs them — a critical zany.^' 
 
 Here's Milman, the Idol of Square-caps at Oxford, 
 Though his verses will scarce ever travel to Foxford ;'* 
 His Pegasus broken, no longer is skittish, 
 Though he's pufFd in the Quarterly, pufFd in the British. 
 
 Though his verse stately be as the dance call'd the Pyrrhic, 
 Aud his high harp be tuned to the epic and lyric, 
 Yet we fear that his glory but stubble is built on. 
 And his hymns we scarce fancy quite equal to Milton. 
 
 For of late we remember of nothing grown tamer. 
 Than the steed that bore " Fazio," and paced under " Samor ;" 
 And the " Martyr," " Belshazzar/' and " Fall of Jerusalem," 
 "We think will scarce live to the age of Methusalem." 
 
 Here's to splendid John "Wilson,^" and John "Wilson Croker," 
 "Whose satire's as dreadful as Jarvie's red poker, 
 
 " Robert Southey, born 1774, died 1843. He was appointed Poet Laureate in 1S13. A mere 
 leodpitulation of his writings would fill a page. — M. 
 
 '•"Percy Uys.sheSlielley, born in 17'J"J drowned in the Gulf of Lerici, on the Italian coast, 
 )uly 8, l;'i3. No man, in his life, more thoroughly opposed the conventionalities of society. 
 Kew have exhibited higher poetic genius. — M. 
 
 >♦ William Lisle Bowles, (boTD in 17t>2, died in 1S50), whose sonnets, published in 1789. first 
 drew Coleridge's attention to poetry. — M. 
 
 " James Montgomery, born in 1771. died in l"-54. He belonged to what nas been called the 
 Kvangelical School cf Poetry, and such of his compositions as are not religious, are serious and 
 ir.oral. His "World before the Flood," "The Pelican Island,'" and some sacred songs and 
 lyrics will preserve his reputation, as a second-rate poet. — .\1. 
 
 •' This can surely require no explanation. — C. N. 
 
 '"' t»arauel Rogers, born in 17(iO, published an Ode to Superstition, in 17S7; Pleasures of 
 M'^mory, in 17t)vi; Epistle to a Friend, in 17'J8 ; Vision of Columbus, and Jacqueline, in ltil4 ; 
 Human Life, in IslU ; and Italy, iu Is'J'J. It is by his Pleasures of Memory, that Rogers will 
 test be remembered .as a poet of great taste and skill, — the workmanship being better than the 
 materials, as in Ov'd's Palace of the Sun. — M. 
 
 1* West of Ireland, nifatlor — or elsewhere, inter barbaros. — C. N. 
 
 '* Henry Hart Milman, now Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral. London, author of many dramatic 
 f ceras, (of whjch "Fazio" alone is acted or actable,) a variety of prose histories, and many 
 ■ riiical articles in the Quarterly Revieiv. — M. 
 
 '•''> A full memoir of " Splendid John Wilson." is given in the second volume of this edition 
 if The Noctes : " For particulars, inquire within."— .\1. 
 
 * John Wilson Croker, born in Ireland, in 17B0, Secretary of the Admiralty from 1800 to
 
 MICTEICUM SYMPOSIUM. 22] 
 
 Who cut uj) poor Joe, and that booby — the other — " 
 As Joe fot ecouoiny cut up his biother. 
 
 Now fill up a bumper for C;itiline Croly,'-" 
 
 The compeer of Miissiiiger, Fletcher, aud Rowley, 
 
 And confusion to EUistoo, Kemble, and Harris, 
 
 Who were blind to the beams of the author of " Paris." 
 
 Now, the bards of the di-ama — from Ireland — all tragic — ■ 
 Here's first Nosy Maturin, the mild and the magic, 
 Who into a ball-room as gracefully twitches. 
 As Beiti-am — fourth act — enters buttoning his breeches. 
 
 May his stays never crack while quadrilling"' or preaching 
 May his wig ne'er giow grey, nor his cravat want bleaching 
 May his muse of hei- quinzy be cured by a gargle ; 
 May he faint at Miss .Wilson, and dream in the Dai-gle."* 
 
 May he send out a dozen more heroes from Ti'inity, 
 And for that be made Provost, its prop of divinity — 
 We wish Melmoth well, for he is a true Tory, 
 Whate'er Coleridge may say, and let that be his glory.''* 
 
 Here's to poor Skinny Sheil, whose entire occupation 
 Is gone, smce O'Neil eease(i delighting the nation ; 
 Who^e head's much more empty than Maturin's wig, sirs, 
 Bat, nevertheless, we'll give Sheelahnagig^" sirs.''" 
 
 1^.30, — author of some satirical verse, e-ditorof Boswell's Johnson, and other works, and, fron; its 
 commencement to the present time, [July, l.-^54], one of the most frequent, powerful, and 
 sarcastic contributors to the Quarterly Heoiew. The individual familiarly mentioned as "Joe 
 that booby," was Joseph ilume. now oldest member, or Father of the House of Commons, who 
 by no means merited the title, being a shrewd Scotchman with much common sense and a 
 good deal of perseverance. — .\1. 
 
 ^2 See note ti. 
 
 23 The Rev. George Croly. now rector of a Metropolitan parish, in London, author of Paris, 
 in 1815 ; The Angel of the World ; Life of Burke ; the prose romances of Salathiel and Marston ; 
 the comedy of I'ride Shall have a Fall, and a variety of political, theological, and controversial 
 works, is a native of Ireland, born about 17.^8. His Catiline, a tragedy in five acts, appeared 
 in lS-i2. It is founded on what Horace Walpole has called " the most brilliant episode in the 
 History of Rome." It waa otFered to EUiston, Kemble, and Harris, then managers of Drury 
 Lane and Covent Garden Theatres. In reviewing it (Blackwood, June, IS'i'J), Wilson said, 
 •' We never read any first tragedy, by any dramatist whatever, abounding so much in happy 
 dramatic situations." The character of Catiline is one which, perhaps, at this moment could 
 be properly personated by only one great actor — Fdwin Forrest. — M. 
 
 2* The Reverend Mr. Maturin is one of the first quadrillers now extant. He also is a great 
 grinder — and a true Tory. — C N. 
 
 ^^ A beautiful pass in the Co. Wicklow. You ought to go and see it. Ans. We are too old 
 to go touring. — C. N. 
 
 26 Coleridge, who was an unsuccessful dramatist, devoted a portion of Biographia Literari.i 
 to the ridicule of Robert Charles Maturin, whose play of Bertram had succeeded. [This last 
 word reminds me, en pnssiint. of a play-wright who produced a play, in which the acknow- 
 ledged humorist of the company had not even the ghost of fun to bring before the audience. 
 The curtain fell " in solemn silence." It was again played, with like result, and then with- 
 drawn. A friendly critic, wishing to break the play-wright's lall, went out of his way to 
 show why '' it had failed,"' — which he ingeniously attributed to every cause, except the true 
 one, want of dramatic ability. The play-wright's gratitude was e-xpressed in one sentence, 
 in which he stated himself aggrieved at its being said that the trifie had failed. The critic, 
 who rather expected thanks, said that it certainly had not succeeded. "Sir," responded the 
 sensitive author, " it dues not fo'tow that a piny /ins fni/rd. becniise it did nut surcerd!"] 
 Maturin, who was much of a dandy in his attire, added to the narrow income derived from a 
 poor curacy in Dublin, by reading with (or frrindingr), >c ing men who wished to pass cre- 
 ditably through Trinity College. He died in l.S'2.3. — M. 
 
 2' A nickname bestowed on Shi^l, by the late Right Honorac.t Jjhn Philpot Curran. Master 
 of the Rolls in Ireland, much to the satisfaction of the poet. Sheelahnagig, is tho name of a 
 popular tune in the Sister Island, but, we are sorry to say, to words of rather an immoral 
 tendency. — C. N. 
 
 »» Shell's three pKys, (of which Evadne was the most successful), were whttea for tue
 
 222 NOCTES AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 Anil, now, Mr. Knowlcs — who with feelings once vented,"* 
 
 While our liviuj^ binds he so well represented f 
 
 And witli liiin we'll eouple a man thev eall Banini," 
 
 Though a bard we scarce think him— a bard we scarce feign him.^'' 
 
 Here's Ilayncs " Bridal Night" — in five acts — 'tis no wonder 
 
 He killd the poor maiden — yet, faith, 'twas a blunder 
 
 To christen that " conscience"' — 'twas very ironical ; " 
 
 But he floaU down to fame through ihe sink of the " Chronicle." 
 
 And here's the last bard of the buskin, poor Bertiidge, 
 Whom Miss Wilson was near blowing up like a cartridge — 
 Simple Clarke ! in tlie tragic you're yet but a tyro. 
 Though, faith, there was something not bad in " Ramiro."'" 
 
 Here's Charley from Sligo,^* whose finical verses, 
 Each bog-trotter on black Beubulben rehearses, 
 As flimzy and sloppish as waiting-maid's washes, 
 Or a speech of his own, or Sir James M'lntosh's."" 
 
 And while we pass over the Cockneyish dastards, 
 We must drink to tlie poet of beggary and bastards ; 
 For theie's something so strong in his old-fashioned gab, sirs, 
 We'll empty a glass to the Veteran Crabbe," sirs. 
 
 Here's to Mitchell, restorer of dear Aristophanes, 
 
 Who has made all his fun, and his fire, and his scoffing his. 
 
 niii] -)?e of giving new cliaracters for embodiment by MiEsO'Neil, the Irish Tragedienne, born 
 in I7<):j. Slieil died in 1K5I.— M. 
 
 2' This is a great undervaluation of James Sheridan Knowles, whose Caius Gracchus and 
 Virginiui had been successfully perfornied in London. William Tell followed, and, a few 
 years later. The Hunchback, The Wife, and other dramas which have ]ilaced him high among 
 the dramatists of Kngiand. Knowles wa^ born at Cork, in Ireland, in August, I7S4. — M. 
 
 ^o A Poet mentioned by Cornelius Webb, under the title of " Green Knowles " Rather 
 per^onal this of Corney. At a public dinner of the Literary Fund. Mr. Knowles, we read in 
 the p:i))ers, on the liealth of the I'oets of Kngiand being proposed, returned thanks! Air, " How 
 prettily ice apples swim." On tlie same occasion an Alderman, (we never mention names.) 
 Captain of Trainbands, returned thanks on the health of the Uuke of Wellington and the 
 British .-Vrmy being given. We have an obscure remembrance of Sir Ronald Ferguson doing 
 the same thing on a similar occasion. Air, " See the conqueri ng hero." — C. N. 
 
 ^' John Banim. an Irishman, author of • Damon and Pythias." a drama, and of a considerable 
 portion of the f,ro.se fictions which appeared as if written " By the O'Hara Family." — M. 
 
 ^■- Banim? Q.u:Ere. Is it possible there is such a name? — (.'. N. 
 
 •^ Mr. Haines, an Irishman, was a writer on the London press, and published a play called 
 " Conscience, or The Bridal Xight,'" which was successful. — M. 
 
 '" J. Bertridge Clerk. Esq. Sch. T. C. D., wrote a play called Ramiro— a perfect tragedy, all 
 beinsr killed in it except the servants, who were judiciously employed to carry ofl the dead. 
 Harris, the manager of the Dublin theatre, and he. had some rumpus about it; — so had .Miss 
 Wilson— the Mi>s Stephens of Dublin, a very pretty woman, and a very pretty actress. The 
 house was nearly demolished by his brother students — a peaceful body of ingenuous youth. 
 
 -' Charles Phillips, had not only come out, as a "celebrated Irish Orator," but published » 
 prose romance, and a great many verses. — M. 
 
 " Late recorder of Bombay — and father of the pretty bantling of which Mrs. Divan is not yet 
 delivered. [Mrs. Divan was the sobriquet of the London publishing firm of Longman, Hart, 
 Rens. ( >rme, .V Brown.] — .M. 
 
 31 Crabhe— Mr. North, why do I not ever see an article in your Magazine doing justice to the 
 powerful talentcof this powerful poet ? Ans. There's a braw time coming — C.N. [A pretty 
 s!o»e examination of Blackwood enables me to say, that any notice of the Rev. George Crabbe, 
 
 " Nature's sternest painter, but her best." 
 
 was not made until after his death. Then, the merit? of the authorof The Library, The Village, 
 The Borough, Tales of the Hall, ice, were mentioned and acknowledged. Crabbe was born iu 
 < 04. and died in Ib'J'i. — M.
 
 METRICUM SYMPOSIUM, 223 
 
 Here's to Frere, who some time since wrote Dan Wliistlccraft, 
 Aud to Rose, -who is busy with Roland the Daft.'"' 
 
 And here's to tlie lady-like, lisping, sweet fellow 
 
 Who tliiuks he can write iu the vein of Olliello, 
 
 Without plot or passion — Alas ! Peter Proctor — 
 
 But it scandals the muse that makes him need a Doctor.'" 
 
 But still he has written some stanzas of merit, 
 
 And caught a line spark of the delicate spiiit 
 
 Of the rich Bards of old — aud might be an apology 
 
 For a Minstrel — wer't not for Cockaigne aud Mythology.** 
 
 And now to the dames of the sky-color'd stocking, 
 Who side-saddle Pegasus, his long switch-tail docking, 
 Who tatter tine cambrics iu rythmical laboi's, 
 And dream to the lullings of hautboys and tabors. 
 
 Here's first Mother Morgan, akin to morality 
 As near as she is to a woman of quality — 
 Aud the sweet sapphic verses of Maidenly Sydney, 
 That so tickle the fancy and touch up the kidney. 
 
 Those verses so mawkish, so fat, and so gawdy, 
 
 A girlish first fire of the bold and the 
 
 Wiiich give a fair promise all wisely and wittily 
 Of the Jacobin cant of her " France" and her " Italy." 
 
 But in spite of Canidia and her doughty cavalier, 
 At her follies full often we purpose to have a leer — 
 Unless to Algiers she fly off, as we task her. 
 Or become the she-Solon*' of mad Madagascar.*' 
 
 Here's Lucy,'" in whom wit and wisdom are blended, 
 By whom everythiug's seen, felt, and comprehended — 
 
 t" Thomas Mitcliell, translator of the plays of Aristophanes into English verse, was born In 
 17S3, and died in lt^45. John Hookham I'rere, the friend of Scott and Southey. will principally 
 be recollected by his facetious poena written under the nom de plume of Whistlecralt (and 
 called The Monks and the Giants), which suggested to Lord Byron the stanza, in which 
 he afterwards wrote Beppo and Don Juan. Frere, born in 17()9, died in Ib-4t). William 
 f^teward Rose, the translator of Ariosto, Letters from the North of Italy, and other works, was 
 intimate with Byron, Davy. Scott, Soutliey. and. in short, with all eminent literary rucu 
 during the whole period of his life. He survived .Scott. — .M . 
 
 ''Alias Barry Cornwall. A young gentleman most unjustifiably treated by Blackwood. 
 What a shame it is, that a rising young man cannot be allowed to kill his people in fine 
 tragedies, without the sneer of envy, and the murmuring of malice ! Take that, Christopher.' 
 See how differently he is appreciated in London — where he, author of jMirandola, is made one 
 of a committee to erect a monument to his congenial spirit, William Shakspeare, author of 
 Hamlet, and other agreeable dramas. Ans. We defy any one to point out a passage in which 
 we have not extolled Mr. Cornwall. In fact, he is one ofourown pets ; and if wedri somelimes 
 five him a little gentle and benignant correction, it is only because we remember the precept 
 of Solomon, " He that spareth the rod. spoileth the rhild." — C. N. 
 
 *" Bryan William Procter, author of the tragedy of Mirandola; concerning which, he 
 published a solemn statement that one of the characters was 7iot the double of tithello I Under 
 the name of Barry Cornwall, he has won high repute as a writer of short Dramatic c-cenes, and 
 a variety of popular songs. — M. 
 
 *' Observe, not a Sulnn goose. — C. N 
 
 ■*' Sydney Owenson, afterwards Lady Morgan — by marriage. It is somewhat impertinent tu 
 allude to a lady's age, but she was born not later than 1770. — M. 
 
 ■*' Lucy Aike.T, author of Biographies of Queec Elizabeth and James I. — M.
 
 OO.J. KOCTES AifBROSIANJS. 
 
 And here's to the geoius of Helen Maria, 
 Of all that is frothy the Entelecheia.** 
 
 Here's to Opie the sweet — Here's to high-initiiled Hanuuh—- 
 Here's to Shaksjieare in Petticoats, noble Joanna — 
 Here's to all from si>ft Heinans as rich as a rul>y,*' 
 To the brogue and the blarney of pretty Miss Lub^.*' 
 
 Now here are four bards, to whom genius is pater, 
 
 "Who never suek'd poetiy from Alma M.iter — 
 
 ■\Vho just knew so much of the great Aristotle, 
 
 As they got from the tiehls, from their feelings, and bottle. 
 
 Fill first for the Chaldee— the shepherd of Ettrick, 
 Who gtole from the Hills' hums his musical liiet'rick — 
 F«tr Hogg's i-hyme is no giuntiug — and here's a libation 
 To Bloomfield, the simplest sweet Bard of the nation.*' 
 
 Here's to Clare and his verses, so simple and pleasant, 
 The London oue'x Bard — The Northamptonshire peasant: 
 And here's to the Galloway boy and his lyrics, 
 That have put all the Bards of'Cockaigne in hysterics." 
 
 Here's to Luttrell and Dale, and the Dante of Carey ; 
 Here's to Lloyd, tlie preserver of great Altieri ; 
 And this bumper to Lamb we send gratefully greeting. 
 For we love his deep baaing and beautiful bleating.'" 
 
 Here's Thurlow half-witted, and Spencer half-attic. 
 Yet not lame in the light and the epigrammatic ; 
 
 «♦ Helen Maria Williams, certainly one of the English "strong-minded -women," born in 
 176-2 died in ]?-J7 ; author of Letters of France, during the first Revolution, in which she a.--sisted 
 »nd recoinmenJcd tlie principles of the Girondists. On their fall she was arrested, and 
 narrowly escaped tiie guillotine. She also published a .N'arr.live of Kvents in France in 
 isl.i.— M. 
 
 ♦* Amelia Opie, widow of the painter, and an authoress of some note. She died in 1R53. 
 Hannah More, (born in 1744. died in is33,> an emin»ni writer. — Joanna Baillie. author of 
 i'lays en the l'a.<sions. and other drania.s and [ineinj Sii« difd n l>dl. Felicia Henians, the 
 best of tiir female lyrists of Kngland, born in 1^'>A. died in is;j.i —Of Miss Luby 1 only knovr 
 that she published, hut was unable to sell a vntuine oi poems M. 
 
 <» Pretty, indeed, and very pretty — but no broguH. im- no h ainey, Mr. Paddy. — C. N. 
 
 «' Full particulars about James Hogg, (born 17^ died l-viii are to be found in my .Memoir o£ 
 him, in lli's edition. Hobert iUoomheld, autnoi o( Tht- Fannei s Boy, and other poems of great 
 merit ; born 17(i'J. died l^--'3. — l\t 
 
 «» .Tuhn Cia'e. the Northampton Peasant and Poet, now 11S.>I], in alunatic asylum. Allan 
 Cnnninstiani, a .Scottish poet, novelist, critic, and biographer, born in 17^-3, died in 1^42. — .M. 
 
 " I.uttrell, author of Advice to Julia, an epistle in vtrse. will long be traditionally reraem- 
 bereri as one of tiie wits of the regency and reign of George IV. — The Rev. Doctor Dale, author 
 of The Widow of .Nain, Irad and Adah, and other poems, is now prehenJary of .^t. I'aul's and 
 Rector of St. Pancras, the lar:;esl parish in London. — Charles Lloyd, translator of Alfieri, and 
 an early frieiid of Southey and Coleridge. — Charles Lamb, tlie gentle Elia, was born in 1775, 
 and died in li-^:?4. Few authors have won more sincere and genial regard from " hosts of 
 friends." His Essays form one of the most popular works in the language. A great deal of 
 pooj pily has been expended on the fact that Lamb w,as "doomed to the cruel desk in daily 
 toil." He was a clerk in the accountant's othce in the East India House, commencing on a 
 respectable and ri.-ing salary, his sole labors being to copy papers into hooks of record. When 
 re retired, after thirty-five years' service, his income had increased to £700 a-year, and he was 
 ilien allowed a retiring life-allowance of £150 a year. Great consideration was shown him by 
 liis .'■uperiors. On one occasion, however, (the usual office-hours being nominally from 10 to4), 
 he entered his olHce at noon. The principal said, "'.Mr. Lamb, you really i^o come so late." 
 Lamb paused, and said, with the arch simplicity 'vhich dist njjuished him, " Tiue, sir, bu' 
 then — 1 go away so early !'' — M
 
 METRICUM SYMPOSIUM. 225 
 
 Herbert, tasteless and black, as a glass of bad negus ;" 
 And Strangford, who gatlier'd some gold from the Tagus.'' 
 
 And now to the bards of the famed silent sister ;'" 
 We own for some seasons or so, we have miss'd her. 
 And tlie prize-wianiug poets of Isis and Cam, 
 Very fine — very learned — and scarce worth a d . 
 
 And now into dozens the poets we'll trundle: 
 
 Wo must drink to them now at least twelve in the bundle. 
 
 Here 8 Williams and Darley, Barton and Fitzi,'erald, 
 
 Who might shine in a page of the " Times" or the " Herald."" 
 
 Here's to all the rest, both esquired and anonymous, 
 May they all in their times find their own Hieronymus ; 
 Though tlieir verses may live until Saturday se'uuight, 
 Or as long as the speeches of Brougham or of Bennett 
 
 We can give no more names — faith, we ne'er could be able 
 If we did, we would soon be laid under the table. 
 Then one glass to them all, male and female together, 
 Who recite in the dog-days, in spite of the weather. 
 
 This last three times three, boys. — Hip, hip, hurra! 
 The Poets of England — by jingo ! 'tis day. 
 Can Alaric^^ save them ? — No; our prrxonality 
 And Maga alone can give them immortality. 
 
 '" Iliberniee Nagus. See note 4. — C. N. 
 
 *' This is the LorJ Thurlow, whose volume of midJlinn- rhymes, in ISH, so mnrh excited tlie 
 ridicule of Byron, that he perpetrated som3 satires on them, which are to be found in his 
 poems, and place some of Thurlow's lines, therein quoted, in a situation akin to that of flies in 
 amber.— William Robert Spencer, a lively poet of the Refjency, born in 1771), died in ls:M.— Dr. 
 Herbert, son of the Earl of Carnaervon, dean of Manchester, .author of Attib. and other (loems 
 of marked merit, and also of .Mr. Henry William Herbert, the best sporting writer in America, 
 (" Frank Forrester''), distinn^uished as poet, novelist, critic, historian, and artist. — Tlie 
 translator of Camoens was addressed in Byron's English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, as 
 
 Hibernian Strangford ! with thine eyes of blue 
 And boasted locks of red or auburn hue. 
 
 with a declaration, by way of annotation, that "The things given to the public as the poem ol 
 Camoens, are no more to be found in the original Portuguese, than in the Song ol 
 Solomon." — iM. 
 
 *2 By " Silent Sister," is meant Trinity College. Dublin — A most unfounded and ridiculous 
 calumny, as we shall have the pleasure of proving ere long. — C. N. [Which was never 
 done.— .M ] 
 
 5^ Darley eventually became critical preface-writer to Cumberland's British Drama — Bernard 
 Borton. the Quaker poet, died in 1849. — Fitzgerald, called " 'I'he Small-beer I'oel," by Cobhett, 
 DnCiI L-nnually to deliver a poetical address at the Literary Fund Dinner, — .M. 
 
 ^■* Alaric A. Watts. Esq., who is employed about what *e doubt not will be a most interesting 
 work. Specimens of the Briti.^h Poets. Of course, he mu-,t exhib't u.s in full fig. — C. N. (.Thd 
 work appeared, in two volumes, but was not a good coUe jton of poems. — M.l 
 
 Vol. L— 17
 
 No. v.— SEPTEMBER, 1822. 
 
 ACT I. — Scene — Back Parlor — Cold Supper just set 
 
 Manet Mr. Ambrose solus. 
 
 Mr. Ainhrose. I think it will do. That plate of lobsters is a little 
 too near the edge. Softly, softly, the round of beef casts too deep 
 a shadow over these pickles. There — that's right. Old Kit will be 
 unable to criticise — 
 
 Enter Mr. North. 
 
 Mr. Norlh. Old Kit ! will be unable to criticise ! ! — Why, upon 
 my honor, Mr. Ambrose, you are rather irreverent in your lingo. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose, {iiinch confused.) I really, sir, had not the least idea 
 you were at hand. You know, sir, with what profound respect — 
 
 M^. North. Come, Ambrose, put down the pots of porter. The 
 King has left the Theatre, and we shall be all here in a few seconds. 
 I made my escape from the manager's box, just before the row and 
 the rush began. Hark ! that is the clank of the Adjutant. 
 
 Enter ODOUERiy, Tickler, Seward, Buller, Highland Chieftain, 
 
 and Mr. Blackwood. 
 
 Odoherti/. Allow me, my dear North, to introduce to you i ly 
 friend, the Chief of the Clan — 
 
 Mr. North. No need of a name. I know him by his father's face. 
 Sir, I will love you for the sake of as noble a Gael as ever slaughtered 
 a Sassenach. Sit down, sir, if you please. 
 
 [Hif/hlund Chieftain sits down at Mr. Nortli's right hand.) 
 
 Mr. Seward. Well, did he not look every inch a King,* this even- 
 ing? A King of Great Britain, France, and Ireland, ought, if possi 
 ble, be a man worth looking at. His subjects expect it, and it is 
 but reasonable thoy should. 
 
 Mr. North. Fame does no more than justice to his bow. It is 
 most princely — so — or rather so. Is that like him? 
 
 • Tn August, 1822, Geor<;e IV. visited Scotland. He had visited Ireland and Ilamver in the 
 prfcedinjr year. Up remained in the vicinity of Edinburjjh (the suest of tlie Duke of Bi;c- 
 rleugh. at I)alk<:ith ral.ice. within six miles of the capital.) for fifteen days, and hi.s return 
 wa-s ha.'^tened by the intelligence that the Marquis of Londonderry, Foreign Secretary, had 
 rommitted suicide in London. When he was proceedinir, amid tens of thousands, to the 
 I'alace of Holyrood, the ancient abode of the Scottish Kinps, the demeanor of the multitude 
 wa* so iiuiet and respectful (very unlike the wild enthusiasm which greeted him at Dublin; 
 thrithennid " '1 his is a nation of gentlemen." This compliment is referred to, over and ovei 
 acain, in the following T^octes. — M.
 
 THE ROYAL VISIT. 007 
 
 Odoherty. No more than a hop-pole is like a palm-tree, or the 
 Editor of the Edinburgh Review like him of Blackwood's M;ij^'aziiie. 
 The King's bow shows him to be a man of genius ; for, mark me, ho 
 has no model to go by.* He must not bow like the Duke of Argyll, 
 or Lord Fife, well as they bow, but like a Kinsr. And he docs so. 
 The King is a man of genius. 
 
 Mr. Bhickwood. Do you think, sirs, that the King would become ii 
 contributor to the Magazine ? I have sent his Majesty a set splen- 
 didly bound by 
 
 Mr. North. Hush, Ebony, leave that to me. You must not inter- 
 fere with the Editorial department. 
 
 Mr. Buller. What do you Scotch mean by calling yourselves a 
 grave people ; and by saying that you are not, like the Irish, absurd 
 in the expression of your loyalty ? I never heard such thunder in a 
 Theatre before. 
 
 Odoherty. I would have given twenty ten-pennies that some of the 
 young ladies in the pit had remembered that a pocket handkerchief 
 should not be used longer than a couple of Jays, Some of the lite- 
 rary gentlemen too, showed snuffy signals. But the coup d^ceil was 
 imposing. 
 
 BiilUr. I hate all invidious national distinctions. Let every 
 people hail their King in their own way. 
 
 Odoherty. To be sure they should. But then the Scotch are "a 
 nation of Gentlemen ;" and the Irish "a nation of ragamuffins ;" and 
 the English " a nation of shopkeepers." How then? 
 
 Mr. North. His Majesty knows better than to satirize us. We 
 are not a nation of gentlemen — thank God ; — but the greater part of 
 our population is vulgar, intelligent, high-cheeked, raw-boned, and 
 religious. 
 
 Mr. Seward. I could not help smiling, when I looked across the pit 
 and along the boxes this evening, at the compliment towards your- 
 selves as a nation, which some self-sufficient soul put into his Majesty's 
 mouth. I never saw a more vulgar pit in my life. The women 
 looked as if 
 
 Odoherty. One and all of them could have kissed the King. But, 
 Seward, my boy, you are mistaken in calling the pit vulgar. Your 
 taste has been vitiated, Seward, by Oxford Milliners, and 
 
 Mr. North. The conversation is wandering. ( Turniny to the Chh/ 
 
 * Byron admits the fascination of this bow. In Don Juan we have 
 " There, too,,he saw (whate'er he iTif)y be now) 
 
 A Prince, the prince of princes at the time, 
 With fascination in his very l)OW 
 
 And full of promise, as the spring of prime. 
 Though royalty was written on his brow. 
 
 He had then the grace, too rare in every rliraa, 
 Of being, without alloy of fop or beau, 
 A finished gentleman from top to toe.'' — M.
 
 228 NOCTES A:ffiBROSIAN^. 
 
 tain.) I saw you talking to the Thane in the Theatre.* Would to 
 heaven you had brought him here ! 
 
 Chieftain. IIo is gone to Dalkeith or he would have come. 
 
 Mr. Xorth. Ilow popvilar the Thane is all over Scotland. Depend 
 upon it, gentlemen, t^iat the best man is, in general, the most popular. 
 Nothing but generosity and goodness will make peasants love peers. 
 
 Mr. BlitckicooJ. His Lordship never comes to town without calling 
 at the shop. 
 
 Enter W.V.. Amdrose and Waiters with rizzard haddocks, cut of warm 
 salmon, muirfoiol, and haggis. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Adjutant, I will drink a pot of porter with you — 
 The King, — (three times three — surguut omnes) — Hurra, hurra, 
 hurra — Hurra, hurra, hurra — Hurra, hurra, hurra! [Conticuere 
 otnnes.) 
 
 Mr. Korih. Odoherty, be pleased to act as croupier. 
 
 Odnhertg. More porter. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Did you see how the whole pit fixed its face on the 
 King's — till the play began? It was grand. North. His eye met 
 that loyal "glower" with mild and dignified composure. The King, 
 North, was happy. I'll swear he was. He saw that he had our 
 hearts. Every note of " God save the King" went dirling though 
 my very soul-strings. I'm as hoarse as a howlet. 
 
 Mr. North. I think the people feel proud of their King. As he 
 past the platform where I stood, on his entrance into Edinburgh, I 
 heard a countryman say to his neighbor, — " Look, Jock ; look, Jock, 
 — isna he an honest-looking chiel 1 Gude faith, Jock, he's just like 
 my ain father." 
 
 Mr. Seward. Curse the Radicals ! A king must abhor even a 
 single hiss from the vilest of his subjects. The King, Mr. North, is 
 with us as popular a King as ever reigned in England. He has only 
 to show himself oftener, and — 
 
 Mr. Buller. I have seen the king in public often ; but I never saw 
 him insulted except in the newspapers. The " Scotsman in London" 
 is a common character. 
 
 Oduherly. Mr. Seward, a little haggis. See " its hurdles like twa 
 distant hills." 
 
 Mr. Seward. What are hurdles ? 
 
 Mr. Tickhr. See Dr. Jamieson. 
 
 Chieftain. Mr. North, I am delighted. I hope I may say so with- 
 out flattery. 1 never drank better Glenlivet. — Why, gentlemen, not 
 come and pay me a visit this autunni ? No occasion fur a tent. I 
 am a bachelor, and have few children. 
 
 Odoherty. Settled. — Name your day. 
 
 • The Earl of Fife ;— he )>i« already beea introduced to the reader in "The Tent."— M.
 
 LAY OF Tin-: KILT. 221) 
 
 Chieftain. 14th of September. I cannot be home sooner. Is it 
 a promise ? 
 
 Omites. 14th of September. We swear ! ! 
 
 Oduherty. Well done, old Mole, in the cellarage. — TIamlet — seo 
 Shakspeare. 
 
 Eater Mr. Ambrose. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. Mr. North, a communication. 
 Tickler. Read — read. 
 
 Mr. North. I cannot say I am quite able to do so. My eyes are a 
 little hazy or so. But there is the letter, Tickler. — Up with it. 
 
 TiJvler, (reads.) 
 
 De'il tak the kilts I For fifty year, nae honest soon of Reikie'a 
 
 Wad ever think to walk the streets, denudeii o' his breekies. 
 
 And ouy kilted drover lad, wi' kyloes or a letter. 
 
 Was ])itied, or was glowerd at, " Puir ehiel, he kens nae better ;" 
 
 And apple-wives look'd sidelins, and thoeht he came t^) steal or beg, 
 
 Whene'er they saw a callaut wi' his hurdies in a philabeg.* 
 
 And even chiefs o' clans themselves, whene er they ran to towns, man, 
 
 Were fain to clothe their hairy knees in breeks, or pantaloons, man. 
 
 But now ! Loid bless your soul! there's no a Lawland writer laddie 
 
 Can Avhecdle a pund note or twa frae his auld cankered daddie, 
 
 But atf he sets, (though born betwixt St. Leonard's an Di'umsheugh) an 
 
 He fits hiinsel' wi' baunet, plaid, and hose, and kilt, and spleuchan.f 
 
 Ye'se ken the cause o' a' the steer ; — the Heeland Dlinine Wassals:]: 
 
 Began to tire o' weariu' breeks whene'er they left tlieir castles; 
 
 So they coaxed the honest citizens to join in a convention 
 
 To tak' the corduroy from off the pairt I dani-na mention; 
 
 That, like the tod| that tint his tail, they mightna cause derision, 
 
 And fiud their faces in a flame, while elsewhere they were fi'eezin. 
 
 The towu's-lads snappit at the plan, and tlius began the Celtic, 
 
 A medley strange frae every land, frae oif the shores o' Baltic ; 
 
 Frae England, Ireland, Scotland ; Boi der lairds and ancient British, 
 
 There were l^utchmeu, Danes, and Portuguese, and French and Otaheitish; 
 
 And a' professions, frae the lad that's only just apprenticed. 
 
 To the gieat hero of the west — e'en Doctor Scott the Dentist — 
 
 And they wad dine, and drink, and strut, as big's Macallum More, sir, 
 
 And skraigb attempts at Gaelic words, until their throats were sore, sir. 
 
 An' a' was canty for a while, for these were still their gay days, 
 
 An' a' could lend a hand to pay for balls gi'en to the ladies ; 
 
 And there they danc'd the Highland fling, and kiek'd their kilts and toes up, 
 
 Tho' whiles their ruler-shapit legs refused to keep their hose up. 
 
 But when the pawky Highland lairds had fairly set the fashion, 
 
 Up gets an angry Chief o' Chiefs in a prodigious passion : 
 
 " Fat Teil hae you to do wi' kilts, gae wa' and get your claes on, 
 
 Get out, ye nasty Lowland poys, and put your preeks and stays on; 
 
 * Ilurdies in a philabeg, — his buttocks in a kilt. — M. 
 
 \Spleuclian\ — tobacco-pouch. — iM. , r i <■ 
 
 i Duiinie-wasstii.—A Highland gentleman, eenerally tho cadet of a family of rank, wlio 
 feceived his title fiom the land he occupied, though held at the will of his chieftain.— M. 
 II Tod. -A rox.-M.
 
 230 NOCTES AMBR03IANJ3. 
 
 Ye shiinna wear your claes like me, I look on you as ferniin, 
 
 Ye hue u:ie iiiair o" Iliglil:ui<l pluid tliau if you were a Clicrinaii."* 
 
 This sets them up, " Chaiiinau iuJeeJ ! Ye uever shall be ours, sir! 
 
 Exci'pt it Le to Ciury us wheu we go out of dnors, sir ! 
 
 Like itliers o' your kintra iiieu." Aud thus tliey flyte thegither, 
 
 And iiaud the hail town in a steer, expcUin' aue auither. 
 
 And how the bus'ueys is to eud, is niair than I can tell, sir, 
 
 Indeed it seems to Hokle aud perplex the Sheritrs sell, sir; 
 
 But this I ken, tl)at folk that's wise think they niauu be uae witches, 
 
 Wha ever let a Highland Keiuf eutice them out o' breeches. 
 
 Highland Chief. Come, gentlemen, if you please, I will propose a 
 toast, — " Glengarry !" His Majesty would not have sent the mes- 
 sage he (lid to the chiefs, if he had not been pleased with t.\em 2,nd 
 their highian ler-;.t 
 
 Omues. Glengarry. Hurra, hurra, hurra ! 
 
 Oduherty. What does Glengarry mean by saying that few mem- 
 bers of the Celtic Society could shoot an eagle? It is easier, a 
 damned d'^^vil easier, to shoot an eagle than a peacock. But the 
 easiest way of any is to knock an eagle down with a shillelah. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Do you shy the shillelah at his head from a distance? 
 
 Odoherty. No. 1 refer to the Chieftain. You must Avalk slowlj 
 up to him at the rate of about four miles an hour, (Townsend, the 
 pedestrian, would do it half backwards and half forwards,) and hit 
 him over the periwig with your sapling. 
 
 Chieftain. ]?*erfectly true. When an eagle has eat a sheep or a 
 roe, he sits as heavy as a Dutchman — cannot take wing — and vou 
 may bag him alive if you choose. The shepherds often fling their 
 plaids over him. But let him take wing, and he darkens the sun- 
 disk like an eclipse. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. I beg your pardon, sir, but I should wish much to 
 have a sound, sensible Article on the State of the Highlands of Scot 
 land. I suspect there is much misrepresentation as to the alleged 
 cruelty and impolicy of large farms. Dog on it, will any man 
 tell me, sir, that — 
 
 * German. — C. N. t Kerne.—A freebooter. — M. 
 
 I Every one seemed to have <;one mad on the subject of Highland costume, the use of -which 
 had been prohibited by the 19th, George II. The late Sir John Sinclair, in the early part of 
 the present century, had this act repealed ; and althouRh this tool< place in mid-winter, all the 
 Hi!;lilander.< north of Stirlin-; threw off the hated breeches, and adopted the cooler and mora 
 ventilatory kilt! Even at his first levee, (Jeorge IV. appeared in full Highland garb— wliich 
 no royal Stuart, Prince Charles excepted, had ever worn in Holyrood. General Stewart of 
 Garth, a.-sisted at this Celtic toilet, and saw that the king was correctly attired. There, too 
 in the same costume, appeared the bulky frame of the London alderman and banker Sir Vil- 
 liara Curtis, (immortalized in Don Juan, as ' 
 
 " The witless FalstafT to a hoary Hal,") 
 ose appearance, in such a garb, was very ludicrous. When the Kin" was about 
 Scotland, an otticia.! letter was addressed by the late Sir Robert Peel, then Home Seer 
 
 ...vv,..j..,v.,^.. „...v.,,vi .ciici was auurestea oy me late cir itooert feel, then Home Secretary, in 
 which, after thanking Scott, for his own immense and successful efforts to make the royal vi^it 
 a plea.vant one he added. "The king wishes to make vou the channel of conveying to tha 
 Highland Chiefs and their followers, who have given to the varied scene, which we have v.)t- 
 ne^sed, so peculiar and romantic a character, his particular thanks for their attendance, auj 
 his warm approbation of their uniforui deportment." — M.
 
 OSSIAN. 231 
 
 Chieftain. Mr, Blackwood, I wish I could write an article of the 
 kind you mention. You are a gentleman of liberal sentiments. In 
 twenty years the Highlands will be happier than they ever have 
 been since the days of Ossian. Lowland lairds have no right to 
 abuse us for departing from the savage state. 
 
 .Blackwood. Could you let us have it for next Number, sir? We 
 stand in need of such articles prodigiously — sound, sensible, statisti- 
 cal articles, full of useful information. We have wit, fun, fancy, 
 and feeling, and all that sort of thing in abundance, but we are short 
 of usefid information. We want facts — a Number now and then, 
 with less fun and more fixcts, would take, and promote the sale with 
 dull people. Yes, it is a fact, that we want facts. 
 
 Odoherty. Damn your Magazine, Ebony ! You gave Napoleon 
 no rest at St. Helena till he became a contributor. You are begin- 
 ning to send sly hints to the King. And here we have you smelling 
 as strong of the shop as a bale of brown paper, dunning the Chieftain 
 the very first time he has come among us. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Chieftain, you mentioned Ossian — may I ask if his 
 Poems are authentic'? 
 
 Ch'-eftuin. As authentic as the heather and the hail on our misty 
 mountains.* 
 
 Mr. Seward. Wordsworth the poet says, that in Ossian's Poems, 
 every thing is looked at as if it were one, but that nothing in nature 
 is so looked at by a great poet. Therefore, Ossian's poetry is bad, 
 and written by Macpherson. 
 
 Chieftain. I have not the pleasure of being familiar with Mr. 
 Wordsworth's name or writings. Neither do I understand one syl- 
 lable of what you have now said. Ossian's poetry is not bad.f Did 
 the gentleman you speak of ever see a lake or a mountain ] 
 
 £ idler. He lives on the banks of a tarn about a mile round 
 about. 
 
 Chieftain. I am sorry for him. 
 
 Mr. North. He also says, if I recollect rightly, that Ossian 
 speaks of car-borne chiefs in Morven — but that Morven is inacces- 
 sible to cars. 
 
 Odoherty. So it is to jaunting cars. Wordsworth was in a sort 
 of mongrel shandrydan, a cross between a gig and a tax-cart ; and 
 
 • Sir Walter Scott's opinion on the authenticity of Ossian's Poems ought to be conclusive. 
 Scott was a man so thoroughly national, that he would almost strain a point rattier than part 
 with any belief likely to So creJit to Scotland. His deliberate opinion was tins: — '■ After 
 making every allowance for the disadvantages of a literal translation, and the possible debase- 
 ment which those now collected may have suffered, on the great and violent ciiange which the 
 Highlands have undergone, since tlie re.-earches of iNIacpherson, I am compelled to admit that 
 incalculably the greater part of the English Ossian must be ascribed to Macpherson himself, 
 and that his whole introductions, notes, \-c. kc. are an absolute tissue of forgeries." — M. 
 
 + So thought Napoleon, who was quite Ossian-struck at one period of his life, before he wore 
 tUe imperial purple. It was by way of compliment to this fancy, and with the tact of a cour- 
 tier, (rough soldier as he affected to be.) that Bernadotte gave his eldest son the name of one ■:•{ 
 O.ssian s heroes. Since lb'44, he has been 0^car. king of Sweden. — M.
 
 232 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 no wonder he was shy of Morven. But unless he had been a most 
 ignorant persou indeed, (all poets are ignorant,) he would have 
 kuuwn that there are cars in Morvon to this day. 
 
 t'hiifla n. There are — and scientifically constructed, though of old 
 date. 1 have soon the Highlanders coming down the steep and rocky 
 hills with tiieni, full of jieats;, with a rapidity that would have pleased 
 Fiiigal himself. Besides there are many straths and level places in 
 Alorven. 
 
 Mr. Xui-lh. Pray, were not all the Highlands once called " Mor- 
 ven r 
 
 Chieftain. They were, not unfrequently, nor by a few. 
 
 Olohirlu. So jroes the flummerv of the water-drinking laker about 
 Ossian, — the bard who brewed his own whisky, and drank like a 
 whale. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Tell Wordsworth to let other people's poetry s^rne, 
 from Ossian to Pope, and make his own a little better. Who pre- 
 fers Alice Fell to Malvina ? or Peter Bell to Abelard ? Oh ! thi.t 
 the English lakes were all connected by canals ! A few steamboats 
 from Glasgow would soon blow up their poetry. Wishy-washy 
 stutr indeed ! 
 
 Mr. North. Our conversation, gentlemen, is degenerating into lite- 
 rature. I will fine the first of you that tattles in a bumper. 
 
 Odohertif. The Paradise Lost of Milton has ever ap 
 
 Mr. Tickler. He blabs for a bumper. But in with the salt. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. 0)ie of the great merits of T'he Magazine is that 
 it has less literature 
 
 Odnlterty. Thau libels. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood .1 {rising.) Mr. Odoherty, I have lately seen you 
 walking on all occasions with the enemy 1 Did you review O'Meara 
 in the Edinburgh ? 
 
 Odoherty. No, no, my good fellow ; they throw out their bait, but 
 I won't nibble. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. All I know is, that it is at once more honorable 
 and UKjre lucrative to write in our Maga, than in any other existing 
 work. 
 
 Mr. Tickler^ {ringing the hell.) What cackling, as of geese, is that 
 we hear through the partition 1 — Mr. Ambrose, remove that side- 
 board, and throw open these folding-doors. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. There is a small party in the next room, Mr. Tickler. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. I want to count them. 
 
 {Sideboard is removed, and doors fiung open.)
 
 scoTrisu POLITICS. 233 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 Odohertij. Whigs—Whigs — a nest of Whigs. A consplraoy 
 against our lord the King. How do you, Mr. Buntinfr ? 
 
 Mr. Bunting. I scarcely understand this, Mr. Odoherty. But, 
 during the King's Visit, all party distinctions should be forgotten. I 
 hope you did not cry, Whigs, Whigs, Whigs, oflensively. 
 
 Mr. North. Young gentleman, we have been all Whigs in our day. 
 It is a disease of the constitution. Will you and your friends join 
 our table 1 Help Mr. Bunting to some haggis. 
 
 Buller. This is a formidable coalition. It is as bad as Mr. Fox 
 joining Lord North.* 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. Mr. Bunting, I seldom see you or any of your 
 friends about the shop now-a-days. I hope, now that the King conies 
 to see us, you will step up the front-steps. [Aside to Mr. Banting.) — • 
 Are not these three of the Seven Young Men ? 
 
 Mr. Bunting. I was glad to see the King, and I trust he will not 
 be misinformed of our sentiments towards him. I respect him as the 
 chief magistrate. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. That is infernal nonsense, Master Buntinsr. befrfrinfr 
 your pardon. Have you no feeling, no fancy, no imagination, Master 
 Bunting. Your heart ought to leap at the word King, as at the sound 
 of a trumpet. Chief magistrate ! — humbug. Do you love your 
 own lather, because he was once Provost of Crail ] No, no, Mastei 
 Bunting, that won't pass at Ambrose's. 
 
 Young Man. I hope that the King's Visit will be productive of 
 some substantial and lasting benefit to this portion of the united 
 empire. 
 
 Mr. North. What do you mean 1 Mention what ought to be done, 
 and I will give a hint to Mr. Peel. 
 
 Young Man. In my opinion the question of borough reform 
 
 Odoherty. Sheep's head or trotters, sir? 
 
 Mr. Bunting. Unless his majesty's ministers assist the Greeks, and 
 ransom the young women ravished from their native Scio into Turkish 
 harems, the inhabitants of modern Athens will 
 
 Odoherty. What will they do 1 — But I agree with you, Mr. Bunt- 
 ing, in thinking the Greek girls deucedly handsome. Were you 
 ever in Scio % 
 
 Mr. Bunting. No. But I attended a meeting t'other day, at which 
 
 * Fox and Lord North had been in the habit of grossly abusin? each other, in public and in 
 private. In April, 1782, they formed a Coalition, and entered the Cabinet together,— much 
 against the King's will. In the following December, Fox's India Bill was rejected by tho 
 House of Lords. The same evening, Fox and Lord North were literally turned out of otiice by 
 the King. Lord North never again entered it, and it was nearly 23 years, before— lor the last 
 lev/ months of his life — Fox again was in place. — M.
 
 231: NOCTES AilBKOSIANJS. 
 
 the affairs in general of Greece were admirably discussed. And are 
 ■we to countenance rape, robbery, and murder ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, I don't know. As an Irishman, I am scarcely 
 entitled to answer in the negative. But what has all this blarney lo 
 do with King George the Fourth's Visit to Scotland? 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. I will be very happy to give Mr. Bunting, or 
 any of his Whig i'riends, five guineas for an article of moderate size, 
 containing a few facts about the Greelis, Pray, Mr. Bunting, wh;it 
 may be the population of the isle of Scio 1 
 
 Afr. Buntinr/, (after a pause.) Well — well — I shall not push tlie 
 conversation any farther in that direction. The haggis is most excel- 
 lent. Mr. Xorlh, may I have the honor to pledge you in a pot of 
 porter ] 
 
 Odnherty, {rinrjing the bill.) Pipes. (They are brought in.) 
 
 Mr. Tickler. No s|)itting-boxes. They arc filthy. 
 
 Mr. North. Where art thou, Odoherty 1 1 discern thee not 
 through this dense ch^ud of smoke. 
 
 Odohtrly. We may all come and go without being missed. I have 
 an appointment at one o'clock. 
 
 Voice.! as of one of the Young Men. I have just been perusing the 
 fresh number of the Edinburgh Review. I scarcely think that the 
 Duke of Wellingtcn will go to the Congress — after it. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Has Frank Jeffrey stultified the Duke of Wel- 
 lington ? 
 
 Voice., as of one of the Young Men. Bonaparte, Benjamin Con- 
 stant, Madame de Stael, John Allen, Esq., Sir James Mackintosh, 
 and Jeffrey himself, all think him un homme borne. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Pray, sir — I beg your pardon, but I do not see you 
 very distinctly ; what do you mean by un homme borne ? How do 
 you translate the words 1 
 
 Voice., as of one of the Young Men. I am no French scholar; but 
 it sounds like French. It is an epithet of opprobrium. The precise 
 meaning is of no consequence to our argument. 
 
 Odoherty. O ! the Duke of Wellington is an ass ! what a pity ! — 
 Who is that sick in that corner? — Waiter, waiter. Throw open the 
 window — down pipes, till it clears off a little. Soho ! it is my 
 ekxiuent young Man of the Mist 1 — Carry him out, Ambrose — there 
 he is un homme borne. 
 
 Mr. Bunting. We, all of us, hate smoking. But, Mr. North — 
 gentlemen — good night. 
 
 {Exeunt Mr. Bunting and the Young 3fen.) 
 
 Mr. Buller. Are these a fair specimen of your young Edinburgh 
 Whigs ? 
 
 Mr. North. I fear they are. Their feebleness quite distresses us. 
 Jeffrey himself, 1 am told, is unhappy about it. What am I doing ?
 
 "WELCOaCE THE KLNG." 
 
 235 
 
 lighting my pipe with an article that I have not reacl. Tliere, {filnq. 
 ing it over to Buller) read it aloud for the general edification aiid 
 delight. 
 
 Buller reads. 
 
 TO CHRISTOPHER NORTH, ESQ., 
 
 Frotn an occasional Contributor, living at Cape Clear, who ivas appH.;d 
 to for an article about the King in Edinburgh. 
 
 1. 
 
 Chief of scribblers ! Wondrous Editor I 
 
 Why d'ye seek assistance hei'e ? 
 Little you'd gain of praise, or credit, or 
 Any thing else by me, my dear. 
 Those who, like Boreas, 
 Gieeted uproarious, 
 Visit so glorious, loudly should sing, 
 How Miss Ediua, 
 Looking so fiue-a. 
 Smart and diviue-a, welcomed the King, 
 
 2. 
 
 One would think it only rational, 
 
 That you had poets there ou the spot : 
 Stir up your own Bard truly natioual. 
 First of all Minsti'els, Sir Walter Scott: 
 
 High o'er Fahrenheit, 
 
 Our hearts are in heat, 
 When that Baronet thrums the string. 
 
 Can he refuse us 
 
 Aid from his muses ? 
 No, no, he chooses tc welcome the Bling. 
 
 Have you not there, too, Crabbe, the veteran ? 
 
 Ask that old poet to do the job. 
 For describing, show me a better one. 
 Bailies or beggarmen, duukies or mob: 
 Hubbub, bobbery. 
 Crowd and mobbery. 
 For all such jobbery he's the thing. 
 So then for a bard, 
 List the Borough Bard, 
 Being a thorough bard to welcome the King,* 
 
 * fn ISiil it John Murray's, in London, Sir Walter Scott was introduced to Crabbe, the poet, 
 who pron..» id to visit him. He arrived in August, ]8'22, when Scott was immersed in what 
 hh,s truly b.en called "the tumultuous preparations" for the King's visit. Scott could give 
 liule of his time to Crabbe, who was astonished (as it were), at the fulness and freshness of 
 Scottish loyalty. Lockhart had just cause for lamenting (in his Life of Scott), that tha 
 English bard had not seen the Scottish, " at Abbotsford among his books, his trees, and hisown 
 good simple peasants." In fact, Scott had little time for piivate matters. Scott's family, 
 says his son-in-law. were more fortunate than himself in this re-jpect. Thoy had from infancy 
 been taught to reverence Crabbe's genius, and tiiey now saw enough of him to make them 
 think of him ever afterwards with tender affection. At this time. Crabbe was 08 years old, and 
 Scott 51. Crabbe died in 1S34, aged eighty ; Scott in 1S30, ajjed sixty-one. — M.
 
 230 N0CTE3 AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 4. 
 
 Mr. Croly, my brother Irishman, 
 
 Wiis tliere with ymi, as I am toltl ; 
 Ue, 1 ihink, cc.uld give yuu a flouiibh, man, 
 lu verses bright of gems and gold. 
 
 Soho, C:italiue I 
 
 Prime hand at a liiije ! 
 Hasle, and rattle in your verse to bring; 
 
 Siiigiiiic so gorgeous, 
 
 Kow kniglit and burgess, 
 Throiig'd round Great Georgius, welcomed the King. 
 
 5. 
 
 Tl)eu, there's another to do it cleverly, 
 
 He the gieat poet who writes in prose; 
 Sure I menu tlie Author of Waverley, 
 Whoe'ei' he be, if any one knows. 
 
 Truce to Peveril ! 
 
 There are several 
 People who never will miss the things 
 
 ]f he will vapor 
 
 On hot-press'd paper, 
 And cut a caper to welcome the King. 
 
 6. 
 
 Or ask Wilson, the grave and serious 
 Poet, who sung of the Palmy Isle ; 
 Or the sweet fellow who wiote Valerius 
 
 (Pray, what's his name ?) would do it in style. 
 
 Could you get once 
 
 Some of these great ones, 
 Tender or sweet ones for you to sing, 
 
 We'd think the lasses 
 
 Had left Parnassus, 
 To sing trebles and basses, to welcome the King. 
 
 Mr. Seward. I have had enough of " tobacco reek." O, for a gulp 
 of fresh air ! 
 
 Chieftain. The barge of the Duke of Atholl is now lying near the 
 Chain Pier 1 It is under my orders. Might 1 propose a water-party % 
 I can have her manned with ten oars in ten minutes. 
 Mr. North. With all my heart. I am fond of aquatics. 
 Omnes, [croirding around the Editor.) Take my box-coat — No, no, 
 my cloak — here is my wrap-rascal. Tie my Barcelona round your 
 ne^it neck.* Ring fur a coach and six. 
 
 [Exeunt Mr. North, leaning on the arm of the Highland Chief — 
 and Mr. Ambrose with a flaming branch of wax-lights in each 
 hand.) 
 
 END OF ACT FIRST. 
 
 • The line occurs in the song of " The Sprig of Shillelah," in which an Irishman, at Donny- 
 Drook Fair, is described as wearing "a new Barcelona tied round his nate neck.'' 'I'he 
 Barcelona was a thick silk handkerchief, boasting of many bright hues, among which mustard- 
 color wa* predominant. It was " neat but not gaudy." — M.
 
 MODERN ATIIENS. 23? 
 
 ACT II. 
 SCENE l.—Dide of AtholVs Barge off (he Chain Pier, Newhaven. 
 
 Chieftain. She pulls ten oars. Mr. North, will y ou take the helm ? 
 [ ask no better Palinurus. 
 
 Mr. North. I am but a fresh-water sailor; yet Jii my day I have 
 sailed a few thousand leagues. Byron says he has swam more 
 leagues than all the living poets of Great Britain have sailed, with 
 one or two exceptions. Had he said the living crities, he had grossly 
 erred. 
 
 Od)herty. Coxswain, give North the tiller. Now, lads, down v.ith 
 your oars — splash — splash. Are we all on board % 
 
 Omnes. All — ail — all — pull away. 
 
 Mr. North. For the King's yacht. Beautifully feathered ! Remem- 
 ber whom you have on board ! 
 
 BuUer. Seward ! this beats Brazen-nose. Yet I wish one of old 
 Davis's wherries were here, to show how an arrow whizzes from a 
 bow. 
 
 Mr. North. Seward — Buller, behold the Queen of the North ! 
 What think you of the Castle, with the crescent moon hung over her 
 for a bainier ? The city lights are not afraid to confront the stars. 
 I hope Arthur's Ghost is on his mountain-throne to-night. Yonder 
 goes a fire-balloon. See how the stationary stars mock that transient 
 flight of rockets. Yonder crown of gas-light burns brightly to-night, 
 — now it is half veiled in cloud-drapery, — now it is gone. Hurra ! 
 A-gain it blazes forth, and tinges Nelson's I'lllar with its ruddy 
 splendor. 
 
 Odoherty. By the powers. North, you are poetical ! 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Nelson's Pillar — ay — may it stand there for ever! 
 Did they not talk of pulling it down for the Parthenon 1 We held 
 it up. Pull down a Monument to the greatest of British admirals ! 
 Fie — fie. 
 
 Mr. Bvller. We Englishmen thought the proposal an odd one. 
 But the Pillar, it was said, was in bad taste, and disfigured the 
 modern Athens. 
 
 Mr. North. It is in bad taste. What then ] Are Monuments to 
 the illustrious dead to lie at the mercy of Dilletanti 1 But, as JMr. 
 Tickler said, we preserved that Monument. 
 
 Mr. Seward. I admire the Parthenon. Most of you will recollect 
 my poem on that subject. I am glad the foundation-stone has been 
 laid. 
 
 Mr. North. So am I. Let Scotland show now that she ha3 
 liberality as well as taste, and not sufler the walls to be dilapi<latcd 
 by time' before they have been raised to their perfect height.
 
 20S NOCTES AATBROSIANJE. 
 
 Oduherty. 'flie Parthenon will be an elegant tesllrnonial. Is it 
 not, too, a national testiniouiall Why then should not the Scottish 
 nation pay the masons ? Why sue for rarliameutary grants? Are 
 you not "a nation of Gentlemen V Put your hands then into your 
 breeches-poekets, (I beg your pardon, Chieftain), and pay for what 
 you build. 
 
 Mr. 'Tickler. The Standard-Bearer speaks nobly. W^e admire tlie 
 Parthenon. We resolve to build it. We call ourselves Athenians, 
 and then implore Parliament to pay the piper. Poor devils ! we 
 ought to be ashamed of ourselves. 
 
 Mr. L'uUer. Air. Odoherty, 1 agree with you. A rich nation does 
 well to be magnificent. Up with towers, temples, baths, porticos, 
 and what not ; but for one nation to build splendid structures, and 
 then call on another for their praises and their purses, is, in my 
 opinion, not exactly after the fashion of the Athenians. 
 
 Mr. JJlackwood. 1 have no objection to publish an additional 
 Number any month in behoof of the Parthenon, 1 think Mr. 
 Liiining deserves the highest praise for his zeal and perseverance. 
 
 Uduherty. And 1 hope you will also publish an additional Number 
 the month following lor behoof of the Foundling Hospital, Dublin, 
 which is generally overstocked. There is not milk for half the brats. 
 
 Mr. 2\urtli. Shall I steer under her stern, or across her bows? 
 
 Cuxiwui/i. Under her great clumsy stern, and be damned to her 
 — Jung-frau ! Dung-cart ! She can't keep her backside out of the 
 water. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Whom are you speaking of? Not a female, I hope. 
 
 Odukerty. Sir William Curtis's yacht — a female, to be sure. Look, 
 you may read her name on her bottom by moonlight. 
 
 Mr. JJlackwood. How many guns does she carry ? 
 
 Coxswain. Twenty stew-j>ans. 
 
 Cliiefuim. Lord bless the worthy Baronet, however ; he wins the 
 hearts of us Highlanders by mounting a kilt. 1 hope he will wear it 
 occasionally in Guildhall. 1 believe he is an honorary member of 
 the Celtic Society. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Are turtles ever caught on the coast of Scotland ? 
 
 Chieftain. Occasionally — but they are tbund in greatest numbers 
 in the inland lochs. They were originally fresh-water fish. 
 
 Mr. Seward. You surprise me. Have these inland lochs uo com- 
 munication with the sea ? 
 
 Chiej'laiu. Many of them only by means of torrents precipitous, 
 several miles high, and inaccessible, 1 suspect, to turtles. 
 
 Coxswain. Old gentleman, helm a-lee, or we run foul of that 
 hawser. Helm a- lee, old gentleman, helm a-lee, or we all take our 
 grog in Davy's locker. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. Dog on it, Mr. North, you would steer, and you
 
 CnEAr TKAVELLTNO. 231) 
 
 would steer, anrl a pretty kettle of fisli you are making of it — I wish 
 I were safe at Newington !* These boating expeditions never 
 answer. My brother Thomas told me not to — 
 Coxswain. All's well. Unship oars. 
 
 SCENE W.—State-cahin Roijal Yacht. 
 
 Mr. North. Admirable simplicity ! nothing gorgeous and gaudy, — 
 one feels at sea in such a cabin as this. The King, who designed it, 
 knows the spirit of the British navy. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. No broad glittering gilding ; there is no smell of 
 gingerbread ; one can think of grog and sea-biscuit. A man might 
 be sick in squally weather here, without fear of the furniture. 
 
 Odohvrttj. Would it not be a pretty pastime to spend a honey- 
 moon now and then in such a floating lieaven as this ? Calm weather 
 and a clear conscience, soft sofa, liberty and love. 
 
 Bailer. Nay, confound it, the prettiest girl looks forbidding when 
 she is squeamish. The dim orange hue of sea-sickness is an antidote 
 to all foolish fondness. Terra lirma for me. 
 
 Tickler. Unquestionably. I gave Mrs. Tickler, a few days after 
 our union, a voyage on the New Canal. The track-boat of this Cut 
 was appropriately called The Lady of the Lake. We were hauled 
 along, at the rate of three miles an hour, by a couple of horses, 
 *' lean, and lank, and brown, as is the ribbed sea-sand." Yet, even 
 then, Mrs. Tickler felt queer, and we had to disembarge before 
 changing cattle. 
 
 The Adjutant. One may travel now for twenty pounds all over 
 Great Britain. Go it toe and heel in cool weather — take a lift occa- 
 sionally in cart, buggy, or shandrydan, by the side of a fat farmer — 
 tip the guard of Heavies a sly wink, and get up behind in the basket, 
 thirty miles for a couple of shillings ; now for a cheap circuitous cut 
 by a canal, when you live cheap with the chaw-bacons, and, see a fine 
 flat country — into a steamboat before the mast, and smoke it away 
 fifty leagues for six and eight pence — da capo — and in about six weeks 
 you return to your wife and family, with a perfect geograjihieal 
 and hydrographical knowledge of this Island, and with a five pound 
 note, out of the twenty, for a nest-egg. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. That looks all very well upon paper. 
 
 Odoherty. On paper, Mr. Blackwood ! 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. I say it is a mere theory, and cannot be reduced 
 to practice. I cannot go to London, to stay a fortnight, see my 
 friends, and return under fifty guineas. 
 
 Odoherty. But then you indulge in luxuries, extraneous expenses 
 • — works of supererogation. 
 
 * Blackwood's country residence was at Newington, near Edinburgh.— M.
 
 240 NOCTES AiTOKOSTAN^. 
 
 Mr. Blacktcood. Not at all, Adjutant. To be sure hunting costs a 
 good deal. 
 
 Buller. Ilimtiiig! Are you a sportsman? Do you join the 
 Surrey ] and lonspire with your Iriond, Leigh Hunt, to worry harRS 
 in the dog-days ? 
 
 Mr. liiuiku'ood. No, no. It is hunting contributors. For example, 
 I hear of a clever young man having been at a tea-and-turn-out in the 
 city. I lay on a few idle dogs to scent him out — 1 trace him to 
 Temple Bar — there he is lost, and the chase may be repeated for 
 several days befure we secure him. Then I have to dinner hin. 
 divers times, and, before leaving town, to advance money on his 
 articles. Perhaps I never hear more of him, till I read the identical 
 article, promised and paid for, in the London or New Monthly. 
 
 Odohertij. There is a melancholy want of principle, indeed, among 
 literary men. Nobody will accuse me of being straight-laced ; but 
 while the love-fit lasts, I am true as steel to one mistress and to one 
 ^lagazine. I look upon an attachment to either, quite as an affair of the 
 heart. When mutually tired of each other, then part with a kiss, a 
 squeeze of the hand, a courtesy, and a bow. But no infidelity during 
 the attachment. What sort of a heart can that man have, while he is 
 openly living with the New" Monthly, insidiously' pays his addresses 
 to ihe modest and too unsuspecting Maga 1 It is a shocking system 
 of j)roniiscuous Cockney concubinage, that must at no distant period 
 vitiate, the taste, harden the sensibility, vulgarize the Tuanners, and 
 deprave the morals of the people of Great Britain. It ought to bo 
 put down. 
 
 Buller. Do you seriously opine, Mr. North, that much inoney ia 
 made by periodical literature in London '? 
 
 Mr. North. Assuredly not. There is little available talent there. 
 The really good men are all over head and ears in wigs and work. 
 There do not seem to be above a dozen idlers in all London who can 
 get up a decent article ; these are all known, and their intellects are 
 measured as exactly as their bodies by a tailor ; — each man has his 
 measure lying at Colburn's, &c., and is paid accordingly. Wh^n a 
 spare young man quarrels with one employer, he attempts another; 
 but his Avares are known in the market, and " he drags at each 
 remove a heavier chain." 
 
 Odoherty. The contributors are all as well known as the pugilists 
 — height, weight, length, bottom, and science. Mr. F. can hit hard, 
 but is a cur, like Jack the butcher. Mr. R. can spar prettily, like 
 Williams the swell, with the gloves, but can neither give nor take 
 with the naked mauleys. Mr. T. is like the Birmingham Youth, and 
 
 " falls off unaccountably." And Mr. is a palpaple cross — fights 
 
 booty, and it ends in a wrangle or a draw. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. Dog on it, Adjutant, why don't you give us some 
 more Boxiana articles ?
 
 BOXIANA. 241 
 
 Odoherty. I do not wish to interfere with olJ in the " Fancy 
 
 Gazette." He is a rum one to go — a most pawky aiul f)r(>[.h('lic 
 [Higilist. lie knows the whole business of the ring better ihan any 
 man alive, and writes scholastically and like a gcnunan ; but he was 
 rather out there about Barlow and Josh, Hudson. Elxmv, you 
 thould exchange Magazines. The prime object of the "Fancy 
 Gazette" is to kick curs and crosses out of the ring.* It is full of 
 the true English spirit. Why, 1 gave a few numbers of it to my 
 friend the Rev. Dr. Wodrow, who was once, as you know, Moderator 
 of the Genera] Assembly of the Kirk of Scotland, and nothing would 
 satisfy the old divine but a couple of pairs of gloves. 1 sent them 
 out from Christie's ; an3 on my next visit, there were he and Saun- 
 ders Howie, one of the elders, ruffianing it away like old Tom Owens 
 and Mendoza. " That's a chatterer," quoth the elder, as I entered 
 the study, he having hit Wodrow on his box of ivories. " There's a 
 floorer," responded the ex-Moderator, and straightway the Covenanter 
 was on the carpet. 
 
 Chieftain. Is not this a somewhat singular conversation for the 
 state-cabin of our most gracious Sovereign's yacht % 
 
 Odoherty. Not at all. I saw Randal welt Macarthy in a room 
 about this size, and Jack Scroggins serve out Holt — 
 
 Mr. Seward. Where is North 1 I hope he has not leapt out of the 
 cabin window. 
 
 Omnes^ {rising from the Kiny^s sofa.) North — North — Editor — 
 Christopher — Kit, — where the devil are you 1 
 
 Mr. North, [from -within his Majestyh bed-room.) Corne hither, 
 my dear boys, and behold your father reposing on the bed of royalty! 
 {Titey all rush in.) 
 
 Butler. Behold him lying alive in state ! Let us kneel down by 
 the bed-side. {They all kneel down.) 
 
 Oinues. Hail, King of Editors! Long mayest thou reign over 
 us, thy faithful subjects. Salve, Pater ! 
 
 Mr. North. Oh ! my children, little do you know what a weary 
 weight is in a crown ! Alas, for us Monarchs ! Oh ! that I could 
 fall asleep, and never more awake I Posterity will do me justice. 
 
 Mr. Blackwood, {in tears.) Oh! my good sir — my good sir — it is 
 quite a mistake, I assure you — every living soul loves and admires 
 you. You must not talk of dying, sir — {handing over the yem\ to 
 
 * At this time, Mr. George Kent was editor of Tke Fanry Gazette. I mention (for the infor- 
 mauon of tiie ladies,) tiiat '• The Fancy" included not only sporting men, but wai understood 
 Sometimes to take in the members of the swell mob. — M. 
 
 t Tke Gem. The Chaldee manuscript (chap. 1, v. 34) had thus described Blackwood's sniifT- 
 box ; — " And he took from under his girdle a gem of curious -wo/kmanship of silver, made by 
 the ha.nd of a cunning artificer, and overlaid within with pure gold; and he took from 
 tl'>nce something in color like unto the dust of the eaiih, or the ashes that remain of afuinaoo 
 a'id he snuffed it up like the east wind, and returned the gem again into its place." — M. 
 
 Vol. J.— 1«
 
 242 NOCFES AMBROSIAJf^. 
 
 Mr North)— T\\e world can ill spare you at this crisis. Here is 
 Canning, Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs.* With yourself, 
 in the Hmmk- DL-parimeiit. things will go on gloriously ; and 1 calcu- 
 late on 1000 additional subscribers to our next Number. 
 
 Oduherty. Let me smooth this pillow. 
 
 Mr. North. How many of my poorest subjects are now asleep. 
 
 Chiftii'ut, {iisUe to Mr. Tickler.) Is he subject to moody fits of 
 this kind ? Is he liable to the blue devils? 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Only to printers' devils, Chieftain ; but let him alone 
 for a fow minutes. 'Strong imagination is worlcing within him, as he 
 lies on the King's coueh. See, he is recovering— what a gray pierc- 
 ing eye the old cock turns up ! He is game to the back-bone. 
 "j/r. North. Would I had a bowl of punch-royal ! 
 
 Youuf] Midshipman. That you shall have, Mr. North, in the 
 twinkling of a bed-post. We "drink nothing else on board, on a trip 
 of this kind. Hollo, Jenkins, bring the crater. {Enter Jenkins with 
 punch royal.) We call this the crater. 
 
 Mr. North {drinks.) Punch-royal indeed! 
 
 Odoherty. Fair play is a jewel, North. Leave a cheerer to the 
 Chieftain. 
 
 Mr. North, {risinr/.) Gentlemen, let us re-embark. My soul is 
 full. — Adjutant, lend me your arm up the gangway. Kings lie on 
 down — but, oh, oh, oh ! {Striking his forehead.) 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. This will end in an article. 
 
 SCENE \\\.— The Deck of Mr. Smith's Cutter, the Orion. 
 
 Chieftain. Bargemen, there are five guineas fur you to drink the 
 King's health, from Mr. North and his friends. 
 
 Barijemen. Kit and the King ! Huzza — North for ever ! 
 
 Mr. Seward. Let us beat up the Frith ; the breeze is freshening. 
 I only wish the worthy Commander had been on board. He can lay 
 a bowsprit in the wind's eye with any man that ever touched a tiller. 
 
 Odoherty. Where the devil is the moon? Well tumbled porpus. 
 A sea-mtw — lend me a nmsket. There, madam, some pepper for 
 your tail — roundabouts like a whirligig — up like an arrow — and then 
 off " right slick away," and down upon the billow, safe and sound, as 
 dapper as a daisy. I always miss, except with single ball. I recol- 
 lect killing Corney Maguire at the fu'st fire, like winking, and hardly 
 ever an aim at all at all. 
 
 Mr. Bnller. She will lie nearer the wind, Seward, — thereabouts — 
 thereabouts — her mainsail has the true Ramsey cut. She looks quite 
 snaki>h. 
 
 Odoherty. Put her about. The breeze is snoring from the king- 
 
 * Canning, un the eve of embarking to fill tho office of Governor-General of India, wot 
 ftppointed to luccood Loid Londonderry, aj> Foreign Secretary. — M.
 
 NAPOLEON. 243 
 
 dom of Fife. Sep now, Seward, that yon don't let her miss Btays, 
 She goes round within her own length as on a pivot. Wi-U done' 
 Orion ! 
 
 Mr. Tick'cr. 1 vote we set otl' l^r the Western Isles. 
 
 Odoltcrty. I have too much regard for Mrs. Tickler to aHow her 
 husband to leave her in her present interesting sit\iation. Besides it 
 would not be civil to the absent commander of the cutter, to over- 
 power the crew, and carry her off, like pirates. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Demme — there's a schooner, about our own toniiaixc, 
 beating up in ballast to Alloa for table beer — let us race her. I will 
 lay the Orion on her quarter. There, lads — all tight — now she feels 
 it — gunwale in — grand bearings — 1 could steer her with my little 
 finger. We are eating him out of the wind. 
 
 Odoherty., [through his hands ax a speaking trumpet.) Whither 
 bound ? — What cargo 1 — Timber and fruit, staves and potatoes ? 
 Son of a sea-cow, you are drifting to leeward. 
 
 Mr. North. I have been glancing over O'Meara. Bonaparte's 
 tone, when speaking of the intended invasion of this country, did 
 not a little amuse me. He laid his account with conquering Great 
 Britain.* 
 
 Mr. BulJer. Great insolence. Did his troops conquer divided and 
 degenerate Spain? The British nation would have trampled him 
 under foot. O'Meara records his ravings, as if he went aloug with 
 them. I hate the French for snivelling so through their noses. No 
 nasal nation could conquer a great guttural people. 
 
 Mr. North. Good. It is quite laughable to hear him telling the 
 surgeon what he intended to have done with the Baidt of England, 
 and what sort of a constitution he had cut and dried for us.j- 
 
 Odohertij. Bonaparte says sneeringly, that Wellington could not 
 have left the field of battle, if he had been defeated at Waterloo. 
 Does he mean, that his position was a bad one, in case of retreat ? 
 I ask, was his own a good one 1 W^as not his army cut to pieces as 
 it fled 1. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Odoherty, did you read t'other day, in the newspa 
 pers, of a Liverpool barber, shaving eighty chins, in a workmanlike 
 style, within the hour ? 
 
 Odoherty. I did; but a Manchester shaver has since done a 
 hundred. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. It must have been a serious affair for the last score 
 of shavees. When the betting became loud, G to 4 on time. I am 
 surprised the barber got his patients to sit. 
 
 • Napoleon's own statements on this head (they are too lengthy to he quoted here,) will be 
 found in volume l.,p.'2l5, and volume li., p. 2-2:<, of O'Meara's "Voice from .Si. Helena."— M. 
 
 t He intended proclaiming a republic, abolishing the peerage, setting llurdett tore-model tho 
 constitution, and dividing the property of th'i nobility amoiif; the parti^an^■of this new revo- 
 lution. — M.
 
 'J44 NOCTES AMBrvOSTr\:!r.E. 
 
 ^fr. Xorth. ^Vas he allowed to draw blood ? 
 
 Odoherfu. Only from piinples. I like these sort of bets. Fhey 
 o!if(Hir;»<zt> the iisoful arts. I won a cool hundrod last winter, as you 
 inav have ht-ard, hv i-atiii^ a tliousand eggs in a thousand huias. 
 
 J/»-. Tickler. Hard or soft ? 
 
 Oiloherti/. Both — raw, roasted, and poached. It was a sickening 
 business. 1 ate a few rotten ones, for the sake of variety. 
 
 t'hii'f(ain. One of my Tail drank a thousand glasses of whisky in 
 a thousand hours ; and we had great difllculty in keeping him to a 
 siiiijle ijlass an hour. He did it without turnincj a hair. 
 
 ^fr. yorlh. Suppose we take a look at the Dollar Academy? 
 
 ^fr. 2\ilclr. Tennant's in town; he dined with me J^st week. 
 I have a copy of Anster Fair in my pockt-t. I took it ti. Holland 
 with me on my last trip, and read it in the Zuyder Zee. It is a 
 fine thing, North, full of life, and glee, and glamour.* So is Don 
 Juan. 
 
 Mr. Xorth. I shall not permit any more poetry to be pulilished 
 before the year 1830, except by fresh ones. The known hands are 
 all stale. Poetry is the language of passion. But no strong deep 
 passion is in the mind of the age. If it be, where ? Henceforth I 
 patronize prose. 
 
 ^fr. Tickler. So does Mr. Blackwood. Confound him, he is inun- 
 dating the public. I wish to God Gait was dead ! 
 
 Mr. Blackwood. You are so fond of savins; stron" things. Gra- 
 cious me ! before he has finished the Lairds of Grippy 1\ 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Well, well, let him live till then, and then die. 
 Yet better is a soil, like that of Scotland, that produces a good, 
 strong, rough, coarse crop, than the meagre and mangy barrenness 
 of England. 
 
 Mr. Seward. Duller, take the helm. The meagre and mangy bar- 
 renness of England ! Do you speak, sir, of the soil or soul of Eng- 
 land ? You Scotch do wonders both in agriculture and education ; 
 but you cannot contend against climate. 
 
 Mr. Xorth. Come, come — you don't thoroughly understand Tick- 
 ler yet. But the moon is sunk, the stars are paling their incflectual 
 fires, — and what is worse, the tide is ebbing. So let us put about, 
 and back to the Chain Pier. Or shall we make a descent on the 
 coast? See, we are offHopetoun House.J 
 
 Odohert>/. Hark ! the sound of the fiddle froni that snug form- 
 
 • In IPIO, William Tcnnant, author of "Anster Fair,"' and other poems, tra: elected classical 
 IcachT of the acadi-iiiy at Dollar, in Fifeshire. In 1KI7, he was made Professor of Oriental 
 Lancuapes in the University of .St. Andrews. He diid in l>-43.— j\I. 
 
 t The Kntail, ot the Lairds of Grippy, one of John Gait's best novels, was in the press at this 
 lime. — iM. 
 
 \ Hopetoun House, in Linlithcow-shire, was the seat of the gallant Earl of llopetoun 
 Vith whom George IV. hreakfa^ttd on the rporning of his leaving Scotland.
 
 THE DANCK. 24 O 
 
 house amidst a grove of trees ! Pity the/ shouh] be Scotch firs, — a 
 damnable tree, and a grove of them is too bad. Let us land. 
 
 li'iatswain. The water is deep close to the water's cdirc. Down 
 iielin, master. There, her giiuwale is on the granite ! 
 
 (Mr. North leaps out, fuUowed by the Slandard Bearer, Chief- 
 tain, d'c. ; and the Orion, her sails soon jUlint/, wears, and 
 goes down the Frith, goose-winged, before the wind. 
 
 END of act second. 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 SCENE I. — Kitchen of the Farm-house of Girnaway. Gudeman in 
 his arm-chair, by the imjle — Mr. North on his riyht hand — 
 Gudewife in her arm-chair, opposite — Odoherty on her right — 
 Lads and lasses all around. 
 
 Reel of Tullochgorum. 
 
 Gudeman. Ma faith, but the Highlander handles his heels well. 
 You were saying he is a Chieftain — Has he his tail in the town wi' 
 him? 
 
 Mr. North, He has a tail twenty gentlemen long.* 
 
 Gudeman. I'm thinkin' it wad be nae jeest to cast saut on his tail. 
 He's a proud, fierce-lookin' fillow. He's bringing the rod into Meg's 
 face yonner, with his kilt flaff flaffing afore her, wi' that great rough 
 pouch. Hear till him, hoo he's snappin' his fingers, and crying ont, 
 just wi' perfect wudness. The fiver o' his young Hieland bliiid 
 wunna let him rest. Safe us ! look at him whirling Meg about like 
 a tee-totum. 
 
 Gudewife. Gudeman, this gentleman here, he is an Irlsher, is prig- 
 gin on me to tak the floor. I fin' as gin I couldna refuse. 
 
 Gudeman. Do as thou likes, Tibbie, thou'rt auld enough to take 
 care o' thyself 
 
 Mr. Blackwood, {to a pretty young Girl in a white gown and pi)ik 
 ribbons.) My dear, it's to be a foursome reel. May I have the 
 pleasure of standing before you 1 Fiddlers, play " I'll gang nae mair 
 to yon town," — it's the King's favorite. 
 
 Chieftain, {to his Partner, after a kiss.) Let me hand you to tho 
 dresser. 
 
 Meg. I'm a' in a drench o' sweat, see it's just pooran down. My 
 sark's as wat's muck. 
 
 Chieftain. You had better step out to the door for a few minutes, 
 and take the benefit of the fresh air. 
 
 Afeg. Wi' a' my heart, sir. {Exeunt Chieftain and Meg.) 
 
 Odoherty. Madam, you cannot go wrong, it is just the eight 
 fijrure — so — 8. Jig, or common time ? 
 
 • The perKonal importance of a Scottish Chieftain was estimated Ly his Tail, or nomber of 
 immudiato foUowera. — M.
 
 240 NOCTES AltfBEOSIAN^. 
 
 Gudeuifc. Oh ! Jig — jig. 
 
 ^•1 Foursome Reel hy the Standard-bearer^ the Gude- 
 %cife. Mr, Bhtckwodd. and ^fa^d^n.) 
 
 Gudeman. Mr. North, you hae broclit a band o' rare swankies wf 
 you. I'm thinking you're no sae auld's you look like. 
 
 Mr. North. I'm quite a young man, just the age of the King,* God 
 bless him. I hope we'll both live thirty years yet. 
 
 Mr. Tickler, {lo Mr. North.) Look how busy Buller is yonder hi 
 the corner, at the end of the kitchen dresser. 
 
 Mr. X'irih. Laird, the gudewife foots it away with admirable 
 agility. I never saw a reel better danced in my life. 
 
 Gudeman. She's a gay, canny body ; see hoo the jade puts her twa 
 neives to the sides o'her, and hands up her chin wi' a prie-my-mou 
 sort o' a cock. Tibby, ye jade, the ee o' your auld gudeman's on 
 you, ^Vhat ca' ye that lang land-louper that's wallopping afore her] 
 said you, the Stawner-bearer ? Is he a Flag-Staff Lieutenant on half 
 pay ? 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Fiddler, my boy, you with that infernal squint, I 
 beg your pardon, with the slight cast of your eye, will you lend me 
 your fiddle for a few seconds \ 
 
 {7'akes the Jiddle and plai/s luith prodirjious birr.) 
 
 Gudewife. Staj) him — stap him, that's no the same tune. 1 canna 
 Lecp the step. That's Maggy Lauder he's strumming at ; they're 
 playing different tunes. (Dance is stopped.) 
 
 Mr. JJlackaood. I beg your pardon, Mr. Tickler ; but you have 
 put us all out; I was just beginning to get into the way of it. 
 
 ^[r. Tickler. Come, 1 volunteer a solo. The Bush aboon Traquair. 
 
 {I'lays.) 
 
 Od,oherty. The Hen's March, by jingo. 
 
 One Fiddler, [to another.) He fingers bonny, bonny, but he has a 
 cramp bow-hand. lie's shouther-bun'. I like to see the bow gaun 
 like a flail back and forward. 
 
 Gudewife. Mr. Odoherty, sit down aside me again, and let's hear 
 soniethiiiir about the Kintr. 
 
 Odu/ier/y. Mrs. Girnaway, you are quite a woman to please the 
 King — fat, fair, and forty. And I assure you that the King is quite 
 a man to please any woman. The expression of the under part of 
 his fiice is particularly pleasing ; his mouth, madam, is not unlike 
 your own, especially when you both smile. 
 
 Giidewije. Do you hear that, gudeman? Mr. Odocterrae says, 
 that I aiii like the King about the mouth, when I smile. 
 
 Gudeman. When you smile, gudewife'? Whan's that? Your 
 Miouth, ony time I see't, is either wide open, wi' a' its buck-teeth in 
 i\ guffaw, or as fast as a vice, in a dour fit of the sourocks, 
 
 • KHllirr an error. Acrordinr to North's own sliowinc «ubspqiiently hP wsus many years oldc 
 llian <Jtui(;f IV., v lio wii.s eixly in Au"U5' 1822. — M.
 
 NATIOXAL I'KOSPERriT. 0|7 
 
 Mr. North. May I ask, sir, who is that maidon witli Iho silkor. 
 snood, whose conversation is now enjoyed by my youu"- i'rieiid !Mr. 
 Buller of Brazen-nose? 
 
 GuJeman. That's our auldest dochtcr, Girz/.y Gimawav ; she'll be 
 out o' her teens by Halloween ; and she's as gude's she's bonny, 
 sir, — she never gied her parents an ill word, nor a sair heart. 
 
 Mr. North. The dancing is kept up with wonderful spirit, and you 
 and I now have all the conversation to ourselves. A country -dance, 
 1 declare ! See, the gudewife, sir, is coming over to join us. Wu 
 shall just have a three-handed crack. 
 
 Gudewife. Ae reel's eneugh for me. My daft days are ower ; but 
 I couldna thole his fleeching — that ane you ca' the Adjutant. Look 
 at yon lang deevil how he is gaun down the middle wi' Mysie below 
 his o.xter. Ca' ye him Tickler ? Hech, sirs, but he's well named. 
 He's kittlin her a' the way down. 
 
 Mr. North. There is much happiness, Laird, now before us. My 
 leart enjoys their homely hilarity. We must take human life as we 
 and it. 
 
 Gudeman. What for did ye say that ]\Ir. Buller had a brazen 
 nose? I think him a very douce, quate, blate cdlan, an' less o' the 
 brass nose than ony single ane o' your forbears. 
 
 Mr. North. He belongs to an English college called Brazen-nose. 
 
 Gudeman. Na, na, Mr. North, that'll no gang down with Gibby 
 Girnaway. An English college called Brazen-nose ! Na, na, 
 
 Gudewife. He's gane fain on our Girzzy. But he can mean nae 
 ill. He wadna be a man, to come down frae England and say aught 
 amiss to our bairn. Oli ! Gibby, but he's a neat dancer, and has 
 smA' sma' ankles, but gude strong calves. I thocht the English had 
 bet n a' wee bit fat bodies. Aiblins his mither may hae been frae 
 Scotland. 
 
 Mr. North. Laird Girnaway, I fear the times are extremely bad. 
 
 Gndeman. They are so. But if the landlords will let down their 
 rents, and indeed they must, and if the crops arc as good next year 
 as they are this, and if, and if, and if— then, Mr. North, I say the 
 times will not be bad. They will be better for poor people than 1 
 ever remember them. And let rich people take care of themselves. 
 
 Mr. North. Can the landlords afibrd to do so? AVill it not ruin 
 
 them ? 
 
 Gudeman. I cannot tell what they can afford, or wha may be 
 ruined. But what 1 say must happen ; and the warld will not be 
 warse off than before. They must draw less, and spend less. That's 
 the hail affair. 
 
 Gvdewfe. I'm a wee dull o' hearing, and thae fiddles mak sic a 
 
 din and there is sic a hiruum dirdum on the floor, I caniia hear 
 
 either my gudeman or you, sir. But I'm awa' into the spence to 
 nuik sonie plotty, and baste the guse. \^Exit.
 
 318 KOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 Mr. Xurth. It does my heart good to see such a scene as this. I 
 hope our dancers are all loyal subjects. Or do they care nothing 
 about tht ir King ? 
 
 Uudeinan. I daresay, sir, nut ane o' them is thinking o' his Majesty 
 at this minute. But why should they ? a time tor a' things. But 
 they've been maist o' them in to Enibro' to hae a keck o* him. 
 There's no chiel on the flour that wadna fecht for the King till his 
 heart's blood flooded the grass aneath his tottering feet. 
 
 Mr. North. Have you any sons, ]\Ir. Girnaway ? 
 
 Gudevian. Twa — that's ane o' them, the big chiel wi' the curly 
 now clapping his hauns, and the ither is a schoolmaster in Ayrshire 
 — a douce laddie, that may ae day be a minister. Davie there is a 
 yeoman, and a loarlu' fallow with the sword. And then he wad ride 
 the Deevil himscP. 
 
 Mr. North. Have you yourself seen his Majesty, !Mr. Girnaway 1 
 
 GnJcman. Not yet : but I will see him, God willing, when ho 
 takes his leave o' his ain Scotland, frae Hopetoun House. The auld 
 royal bluid o' Scotland, I ken, is in his veins ; and there is some 
 thing, sir, in the thocht o' far-back times that's grand and fearsome, 
 and suits the head o' a crowned Monarch. The folk in this parish 
 dinna respeck me the less, that 1 am ane o' the Girnaways, whose 
 family has lived here for generations and generations ; and it maun 
 be just the same wi' a King, whose ancestors hae lang ruled the land 
 If we hae a feeling o' sic a thnig, sae maun he : and Davie said, '"0, 
 father, but he was a proud man when he looked up to the Calton, 
 and doun on auld Ilolyrood. I couldna help greeting." 
 
 Mr. North. 1 trust, Mr. Girnaway, that your enlightened senti- 
 ments are general. 
 
 Gudeman. W ha doubts 't 1 Now and then, ye hear a dauner'd 
 body telling ye that the King is just like ither men ; and that Kings 
 care naetliing fur puir people ; and that the twa Houses o' Parliji- 
 ment should hand him in wi' baith snallle and curb ; but that doc- 
 trine doesna gang doun just th(> now ; and the very women-folk, who, 
 in a general way are rather sillyish, you ken, laugh at it, and praise 
 the King up to the very ee-brees.* 
 
 Mr. North. Never beheld I so much mirth, happiness, and inno- 
 •x-nce. I have often thought, Mr. Girnaway, of becoming a farmer 
 in the evening of life. 
 
 Gudeman. There's mirth eneugh and happiness eneugh, and, as the 
 world goes, innocence eneugh, too, on the floor, Mr. North. But you 
 niaunna deceive voursel' wi' fine words. Mirth isna fur every dav 
 in the year ; and we are often a' sulky and dour, and at times raging 
 like tigers, llappiness is a kittle verb to conjugate, as our dominie 
 Kays; and as to innocence, while lads and lasses are lads and lasses, 
 
 • Xebrecs, — eyebrows. — M.
 
 NORTH ITNTEILED. O4.9 
 
 there'll be baith sin and sorrow. But there's ac thing, sir, koepit 
 sacred amang us, and that is religion, Mr, North, We" attend the 
 kirlt and read the Bible, 
 
 Mr. North. I hope, Mr, Girnaway, that when you come to Edin- 
 burgh, you will take potluck with nie, 
 
 Gudeman. Dinna Mr, me ony mair, sir ; call me just Girnaway. 
 I'll do't. Now, sir, may I ask, cannily, what trade ye may be when 
 you are at hanie 1 
 
 Mr. North. I am Editor of Blackwood's Magazine, of which you 
 may have heard, 
 
 Gvdcman. Gude safe us ! are you a loupin', livin', flesh and bluid 
 man, with real rudiments and a wooden crutch, just as gien out in 
 that ance-a-month peerioddical % Whan will wonders cease % G\qs 
 your haun. Come awa' into the spence ; the wife maun hae made 
 the plotty by this time. Come into the spence. Come awa — comp 
 away. This is maist as gude's a visit frae the King himsel, 
 
 {Exeunt North and Girnaway into the Spence. 
 
 SCENE 11,-27^6 Spence. 
 
 Gvde^oife [sola.) It's no every ane can set down a bit supper like 
 Tibbie Girnaway, Had that guse been langer on the stubble, he 
 might hae been a hantle fatter about the doup. But he'll do as he 
 is, wi' the apple sauce. 
 
 Enter Girnaway and North, 
 
 G'trnaivay. Gudewife, you ken that bulk our son sends us every 
 month, wi' the face of Geordie Buchanan on't, Woidd ye believe 
 that we hae under our roof tree the very lads that write it. Here's 
 the cock o' the company, Mr. North himself, 
 
 Gudeicife. I jaloused something wonderfu', whene'er I saw the fiee 
 of him, and that Adjutant ane. Siccan a buik 1 never read afore. 
 It gars ane laugh they canna tell how ; and a' the time ye ken what 
 ye'r reading, is serious, too — Naething ill in't, but a' gude — support- 
 ing the kintra, and the King, and the kirk. 
 
 Girnaway. Mr. North, 1 hae not much time to read, but I like fine 
 to put my specs mi to a sensible or droll buik, and your Magazine is 
 baith. I'm a friend to general education. 
 
 Mr. North. Girnaway, do you tliink that there are many profane 
 or seditious books hawked about the country ? It seems to be the 
 opinion of the General Assembly. 
 
 Girnawaif. 'Deed, sir, I can only speak o' my ain experience. 
 Doubtless, there are some, but no great feck ; and I hae seen my ain 
 weans and servants, after glowring at them a while on the dresser or 
 the bunker, fling them frae them, like rov.-ans, and neist time I see 
 them it's on the midden. Hawkers come mair speed wi' ribbons
 
 250 N0CTE5 AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 and shears, and knives, and bits o' funny ballads, than profanity and 
 sedition. But the General Assembly should ken best. 
 
 Guditrife. Now, ma man, Gibbic, the guse is getting cauld. I 
 maun iuveit the lave o' them in. The liddles and the skirling is 
 baith quate. 
 
 {Eiit the Gudewife, and enters u-ith the Standard Bearek, 
 Chieftain, Buller, Seward, Tickler, and Mr. Black- 
 wood.) 
 
 Mr. North. Might I take the liberty of requesting the pleasure of 
 your daughter's company, maain. Mr. Buller will go for his part- 
 ner. (Buller darts off.) 
 
 Gudeirife. I like to see my bairns rcspecket, sir, and Grace can 
 show her face ony where, — sae can her cousin Mysie. (Tickler 
 iurls off.) And her friend, Miss Susy, the only dochter o' the Anti- 
 uurgher minister, wha was dancing wi' Mr. Blackwood. (Mr. 
 Blackavood darts off.) And Meg herself, though she hasna ta'en 
 on inuckle o' a polish, sin' she came from about Glasgow, is a decent 
 hizzie, (Chieftain darts off.) Yon bit v.hite-faced lassie, wi' the 
 jimp waist, and genteel carriage, is the butcher's only bairn, and a 
 great heiress. (Seward darts off.) Preserve us, are they a' coming 
 to soop ? Weel, weel, we maun sit close. Where's Mr. Odoc- 
 terme l 
 
 Adjutant. Here, maam. 
 
 (Gudexian nays grace ^ and the Company fall to.) 
 
 Gndeuife. I fear, Mr. Adjutant, that you fin' that spawl o' the 
 gusy rather teuch ? 
 
 Odoherty. As tender as a chicken, I assure you, ma'am. If it 
 were as tough as timber I care not. I never made a better supper 
 in all my life, than I did one night in Spain, on the tail of an old 
 French artillery horse. It was short, but sweet. 
 
 Gudewife. Let me lay some more rumble-te-thumps on your 
 plate, Colonel Odocterme. The tail o' a horse! What some brave 
 sodgers hae gone through in foreign parts, for our sakes at hame ! I 
 could greet to think on't. 
 
 Mr. North. Mrs. Girnaway, I propose to drink the health of your 
 absent son, !Mr. Gilbert Girnaway, student of divinity, and teacher 
 at Torbolton. 
 
 Gudeinan. lie couldna leave his scholars, or he would hae been to 
 Enibro' to see the King, like the lave. I'se drink the callan's health 
 wi' richt good will. " Here's our Gilbert." Hoots, Tibbie, you 
 silly thing, what f^r are you greeting? 
 
 Odolierty. "Oh! Beauty's tear is lovelier than her smile." But 
 gentlemen, Miss Grace Girnaway will give us a song. Mr. Buller, 
 V ill you jirevail upon Miss Girnaway for a song — something plain- 
 tive and pathetic, if you please.
 
 COUNTRY BONGS. 051 
 
 Afiss Cracp {sw(js) 
 
 Oh ! wbite is thy bosom, and blue is thine eye, 
 The light is a tear, and the sound is a sigh 1 
 Thy love is like frieudsliip, tliy friendship like love, 
 And that is the reason I call thee — my Dove. 
 
 Oh ! sweet to my soul is the balm of thy breath. 
 As a dew-laden gale from the lich-blossoin'd heath ; 
 Can it be that all beauty doth fade iu an hour? 
 Then let that be the reason I call thee — my Flower. 
 
 On the wide sea of life shines one unclouded light, 
 And still it burns softest and clearest by night ; 
 But its lustre, tliough lovely, alas, is afar. 
 And that is the reason I call thee — my Star. 
 
 But the dove seeks her nest in the forest so green, 
 And the flower in its fiagrance is fading unseen ; 
 The star in its biightness the sea mist will hide, 
 So come to my heart, while I call thee — my Bride. 
 
 Gucleman. She's no a taucht singer, our Grane ; but neither is a 
 lintwhite nor a laverock. Her father, Mr. North, likes to hear her 
 singing by the ingle — and he likes to hear her singing in the kirk. 
 Mr. Buller, you English wiuna like the hamely lilt o' a Scottish 
 farmer's doehter ? 
 
 Mr. Buller. Liveliness, modesty, cheerfulness, innocence, and 
 beauty, I hope can be felt by an English heart, loved and respected, 
 wherever they smile before his eye, or melt upon his ear. " Your 
 fair and good daughter's health and song — and may she long live to 
 be a blessing and a pride to her parents." 
 
 Gudewife. Ay, ay, a blessing, but no a pride. Pride's no for 
 human creatures, but gratitude is ; and we thank God, Gilbert and 
 I, for naething mair than for gieing us weel-liked and dutiful bairns. 
 
 Mr. Tickler. If ever I saw a singing face in my life, it is that of 
 my sweet Mysie's. My dear, will you sing, now that your fair 
 cousin has broken the ice ? 
 
 Gudewife. Will she sing ] We'll gar her sing. We maun a' con- 
 tribute. 
 
 Mr. £lachvood, [starting.) We maun a' contribute ! Whose 
 voice was that promising an article ? 
 
 Gudewife. I say, sir, we maun a' contribute. Mysie's gaun to gic 
 you a sang. Aiblins it may get into print. Come, Mysie, clear 
 your pipes. 
 
 Miss Mysie. Grace, let us sing The Suepherdess and the 
 Bailor. I shall be the Sailor this time. 
 
 Sailor, When lightning parts the thunder-cloud 
 
 That blackens all the sea. 
 And tempests sough through sail and shroud, 
 Even thi^n I think on thee, Mary.
 
 252 
 
 N0CTE9 AMBROSIAN^ 
 
 Shepherdesi. I -Rrap me in that keepsake plaid, 
 And lie duuu 'mant? the euaw ; 
 While frozen are the tears I ehed 
 For him that's far awa', Willy ! 
 
 Sailor. We sail past mony a bonny isle, 
 
 Wi maids tlie shores are thraug; 
 Before my ee there's but ae smile, 
 Within uiy ear ae sang, Mary. 
 
 Shepherdess. In kirk, on every Sabbath day, 
 For ane on the great deep 
 Unto my God I humbly pray — 
 And as 1 pray, I weep, Willy. 
 
 Sailor. The sauds are bright wi' golden shells. 
 
 The groves wi' blossoms fair : 
 And I think upon the heather-bella 
 That deck thy glossy bail-, Alary. 
 
 Shepherdess. I read thy letters sent from far. 
 And aft I kiss thy name, 
 And ask my Maker, fiae the war 
 If ever thou'lt come hame, Willy. 
 
 Sailor. What though your father's hut be lown 
 
 Aueath the greeu-hiil side ? 
 The ship that Willy sails in, blown 
 Like chaff by wind and tide, Mary? 
 
 Shepherdess. Oh ! weel I ken the raging sea. 
 And a' tlie steadfast land, 
 Are held, wi' specks like thee and me, 
 In the hollow of his hand, Willy. 
 
 Sailor. He sees thee sitting on the brae, 
 
 Me hanging on the mast ; 
 And o'er us buith, in dew or spray 
 His saving shield is cast, Mary. 
 
 {So7}g interrupti'd by loud cries of murder heard from the 
 Kitchen, and a crash of chairs, and tunibiittg of tables. Omnes 
 rush out.) 
 
 SCENE Ul.— The Kitchen, 
 
 Saunders M'Murdo — Smith. I'll no tak a blow frae the haim o' 
 ony leevin' man. — Kate Craigic, I say, nia woman, tak away your 
 grijys. He may be the miller, but I awe him nae thirlage ; and mak 
 room, and I'll gie him the floor, like a sack o' his ain meal. 
 
 Pate Mater. He wud rug Kate aff my knee, so 1 gied him a clour 
 on his harn-pan. I'm no for fechtin'. 1 haena fochten since Falkirk 
 Tryst, when I brak the ribs o' that Ilieland drover. Peace is best. 
 But Stan' back, Burniwin', or you may as weel rin into the fanners 
 or the mill-wheel at ance.
 
 NOKTH S SPEKCH. 
 
 253 
 
 Davie Girnaway. I'll hae nae fcchtin' in my father's house. 
 
 Mysie, bring my sword. — Saunders M'Murdo, you're an unhap[)y 
 man when you get a drap.drink — Lowsen his neckcloth, he's geltiii" 
 black i' the face. 
 
 Mr. North. Saunders M'Murdo, Pate Muter, — I speak to you both 
 as a peace-maker. Why this outrage in the family of the (iiriia- 
 ways? Has party instigated this unbecoming, this shameful brawl 1 
 Party ! and the King in Scotland ? Smith, Miller, you are both 
 honorable men. Your professions are indispensable. Without you, 
 what is this agricultural parish 1 Will you shake hands, and be 
 friends? I see you will. Advance towards each other like men. 
 There, there. Go where I will I am a peace-maker. 
 
 {Smith and Miller shake hands, and quiet is restored.") 
 
 Gudewifc. Weel, weel; little dune's soonest mended. But I never 
 saAV a kirn yet without a fecht, sometimes half-a-dozen. After a 
 storm comes a calm ; ye may say that. There ye a' sit, every lad 
 beside his lass, as douce as gin the Gudeman were gaun to tak the 
 Book. It's a curious world. 
 
 Gudeman. Hand your tongue, Tibbie. Bring ben the plotty and 
 a' the spirits into the Kitchen ; and a' bad bluid shall be at an end, 
 when ilka ane, lad and lass, wife and widow, drinks a glass to the 
 King. 
 
 Davie Girnaway. Here's the plotty ; put out the tables. — Thank 
 ye, Mr. Odoherty. — Tak tent ye dinna lame yourself, Mr. North, 
 Hooly and fairly — hooly and fixirly. 
 
 {The tables are set out, and quaichs and coups laid.) 
 
 Gudeman. Now, Mr. North, we're a' looking to you. Ye maun 
 gie us twa or three words to the king's health. I canna speechify, 
 but 1 can roar. And Fse do that wi' a vengeance at the hip, hip. — 
 Fill a' your quaichs till they're sooming ower. 
 
 Mr. North. Mr. and Mrs. Girnaway, Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 We are now assembled round the table of a Scottish yeoman, to 
 drink to the health of his Most Gracious Majesty King George the 
 Fourth. He is within about twelve miles, as the crow flies, of where 
 ■we now stand. Is it not almost the same thing as if he were actually 
 here, in this very room, standing there beside the Laird himself, and 
 with the light of that very fire shining upon his royal visage? I 
 speak now to you, who have, most of you, seen the King. You saw 
 him surrounded with hundreds of thousands of his shouting subjects, 
 who had then but one great heart, whose looks were lightning, and 
 whose voice was thunder. You had all heard, read, thought of your 
 King. But he was to you but the image of a dream— a shadowy 
 phantom on a far-oft' throne. Even then you v.'ere leal and loyal, 
 as Scotsmen have ever been, who in peace prove their taith ])y the 
 sweat of their brows, and in war by the blood of their hearts. Now,
 
 254 NOCTES AiLBKOSlAN^. 
 
 do not the elder among yon feel like the brethren, and the younger 
 like the children, of your King] He has breathed our free northern 
 air — he has felt one of our easterly haars upon his brows — he has 
 heard our dialect — he has trodden our soil — he has eaten our bread, 
 and drunk our water — he has hailed, and been hailed, by countless 
 multitudes, on the ramparts of our unconquered citadel — and he has 
 pravcd to the God of his, and our fathers, in our ancient and holy 
 leniple. . Therefore, by our pride, by our glory, and by our faith, do 
 we now love great George our King. What if he had not knowv 
 the character of the people over whom he reigned 1 Their patience 
 their fortitude — their courage — their unquaking confidence in theii 
 own right arms — and their sacred trust in God 1 What if he haa 
 trembled on his throne, and imagined in that terror that its founda- 
 tions were shaken by that great earthquake that shook to pieces the 
 powers oa the Continent ? We had then been lost. England, Scot- 
 land, would, at this hour, have been peopled by slaves. — Our har- 
 vests would not have been reaped, as they now are, by the hands of 
 freemen — the stack-yard would not have belonged to him who built 
 it — we should not have been assembled round this ingle — nor woiild 
 there have been on the earth these faces, fair and bright with beauty, 
 intelligence and virtue. The British monarchy would have been 
 destroyed — equal liberties and equal laws abrogated, effaced, and 
 obliterated, for ever — our parish schools and our kirks levelled with 
 the dust, religion scorned, and education proscribed — the light of 
 knowledge and of love equally extinguished, and darkness on the 
 nearth, and on the altar. It was he, George the Fourth, who, under 
 God, saved us and our country from such evils, and who has pre- 
 served to us, unscathed by the fire through which they have passed, 
 our liberties and our laws. He saw into our hearts, and knew of 
 what stuff they were made. He saw that to us death was nothing — 
 but that disgrace and degradation was more than we could — more 
 than we would bear. Toil, taxes, tears and blood, were demanded of 
 us, not by the voice of our own King, but by the voice of all our 
 kings and heroes speaking through him — by the voices of our own 
 Wallace and our own Bruce. We fought, and we conquered — and 
 we are free. Therefore, now let each maiden smile upon her friend 
 or lover — fill your cups to the brim — join hands — take a kiss, my 
 lads, if you will — The King. 
 
 Hip, hip, hip — hurra, hurra, hurra — Hip, hip, hip — hurra, hurra, 
 hurra — Hip, hip, hip — hurra, hurra, hurra — Hip, hip, hip — hurra, 
 hurra, hurra ! 
 
 The Smith. I was in the wrang, I was in the wrang — I acknow- 
 ledge't. Gies your haun again, Lliller. If ever need be, we'll fecht 
 thegither, baith on ae side, for the King. 
 
 The Miller. There's flo"r of speech for you. Gif he were but in
 
 NOKTH A FABMEE. 255 
 
 Parliament, he would lay his flail about him till the ohafl" flew into 
 the een o' the Opposition frae the threshing-floor. Will ye stan' for 
 the borough, Mr. North 1 I'll secure you the brewer's vote o'er bye 
 yonder ; or would you prefer the county 1 Ye'se hae either for the 
 asking. 
 
 Mr. North. My highest ambition, Mr. Muter, is to retire into tho 
 rural shades, and become a farmer. 
 
 The Miller. Come out, then, near the Ferry. Take a lease frae 
 Lord Hopetoun. I'll grin' a' your meal, wheat, aits, and barley for 
 naething. A' the time you were speaking, I felt as if I could hae 
 made a speech mysel. When you stopt, it was like the stopping 
 of a band o' music on the street, when the sodgers are marching by. 
 It was like the stopping o' the happer o' the mill, 
 
 Giidewife. Mysie, Girzzy, Meg, or some o' you, open the wun 
 nock-shutters. (2'/<e^ do so.) 
 
 Mr. North. A burst of day ! The sun has been up for hours. 
 What a bright and beautiful harvest morning 1 The sea is rolling in 
 gold. See, there is the Orion beating up — close hauled. The best 
 of friends nmst part. 
 
 (y/te If hole party breaks up, and accompany North, <£'c, 
 to the beach. 
 
 END OF ACT THIRD.
 
 No. VI.— DECEMBER, 1822. 
 
 Die veneris, Node \bta ATensis Dccemb. 
 Present — The Editor's most excellent Magazinity in Council. 
 
 Korth, [proloquitur.) Mr. Odoherty, it is to be hoped you have 
 not come to such an attiilr as this, to cat the flesh of the wild boar 
 of the forest, and the red deer of the hills, at the expense of our 
 noble friend, without preparing a small canticle in honor of his gifts — 
 soniethinji in the occasional way, as it were? 
 
 Odoherty. U the Hogg will take the Boar, I will venture on the 
 Deer. 
 
 Hogg. Done for a saxpence — here's my thumb : sing ye awa, 
 Captain, and I'll be casting for an edeea in the meantime. 
 
 Odoherty. Look sharp, if you get a nibble. Shepherd — I nunc et 
 versus, — here goes then. 
 
 Odoherty (^sings.) 
 
 1. 
 
 There's a Spauish grandee on the banks of the Dee,* 
 
 A fine fellow is he — a finer is none ; 
 For though he is so great, and high in estate, 
 
 He is also first-i'ate in tlie peerage of fun. 
 Then fill to Lord Fife, in condiments rife 
 
 To the end of this life his career may he run ; 
 And his tree that hath stood, at the least since the Flood, 
 
 Oh 1 niay't flourish and bud till our Planet's undone 1 
 
 2. 
 When our Monarch was here, this munificent peer 
 
 Did in glory, 'tis clear, make the faniousost show, 
 "With his swapping gray fillies, and "naked-feet" gillies; 
 
 Their St-tOuts look'd like Dillies — but his was the go. 
 Even the King took delight, in that equipage bright. 
 
 Through Auld Reekie, by night, for to ride to and fro; 
 When I look'd through the pane, I saw Ilini and the Thane : 
 
 Ere I die, once again let me look on them so. 
 
 8. 
 
 How genteel were his looks — not at all like some dukes, 
 Who stood shiveriug like rooks in a pluvious day — 
 
 • The Earl of Fife holds a Spanish title of nobility, and is also a General officer 'n the 
 Bpaoinh army. He obtained these honors during the Peninsular War. — M.
 
 LORD fife's country. 0--r 
 
 Sure bis gracesbip of Brandon has but bttle to stand on,* 
 
 When he doth abanilon the Gotliic array. 
 If a man of that rank must sport such a shank, 
 
 My Maker 1 tbauk for my humble deijree ; 
 But I'd rather by half, have the 'I'liane's rousing calf, 
 
 And eujoy a good laugh, with fiue trews U) my knee. 
 
 4. 
 Fill a glass to the brim, and down pour it to Ilim 
 
 Who our grave Sanhedrim doth so love and revere 
 Who hath given his command, tliat the fat of his laud 
 
 Be bestowed ou the band of pliilnsophers here. 
 The Boar of the wood liatli to-iiay been our food, 
 
 And some slices we've chewed of a very fine Deer; 
 Till expires life's last ember, I'm sure w«"ll remember 
 
 The lifieeuth of December — the chiefest of cheer. 
 
 5. 
 
 Let us hope he'll produce such affairs for the use 
 
 Of our gastric juice, merry years not a few ; 
 Our bountiful friend may on one thing depend — 
 
 Such a feast shall not end sans disturbing the screw , 
 No ! by jingo, each throttle shall imbibe the sum-toUle* 
 
 Of a tappit-hen bottle of Chateau-margaux, — 
 Excepting old Hogg, who must stick to his grog, 
 
 Or else speedily jog to give Satan his due. 
 
 North. Very well, Adjutant. You are all filled ; take the time 
 from me — The Thane ! — [Here the roof is nearly hroutjht down with 
 a three-tlmea-three.) 
 
 Hogg. But wha ever heard o' wild boars in Scotland at this time 
 o' day % 
 
 North. Why, I believe the Thane has introduced the breed 
 among the remains of the old Caledonian forest on his Mar estate. 
 
 Hogg. What a grand country that is o' the Thane's ! Did you 
 never see it, Mr. North % 
 
 North. Only a slight view when I was at Deeside, for our famous 
 12th of August — but I'm sure 'tis not for want of invitations I don't 
 see more of it. Here is a letter I had from the Thane this morning, 
 in answer to my acknowledgment of the hamper which has just been 
 contributing to your comforts. 
 
 Kempferhausen. I believe it is acknowledged, that the Thane has 
 as fine estates as any nobleman in Scotland, and has done a vast deal 
 for them. 
 
 Hogg. Oh ! nothing like that magnificent country — nothing in all 
 the North ; and anybody may see it, for there are most noble roads 
 through woods extremely valuable and important to the country, 
 being now almost the only remains of the Caledonian Porests ; 
 
 » The Hereditary Keeper of Holy rood Palace, head of the Douglas family, is the Puke of 
 HamiUon in Scotland, and Brandon on the peerage of England.— M. 
 t Vide Hume passim. — C. N. 
 
 Vol. I.— 19
 
 258 KOCIES AilBKOSIAN^. 
 
 and if you will look at Barlow on the Strength of TinVoer and his 
 Ex[)triinonts, von will see that the timber there beats the Riga red 
 pine. The Thane is careful to proserve it for the use of the country, 
 whenever it niav be wanted. The roads extend over mountains, the 
 sides of sunie are defended by great dykes, and all planted t<» join 
 the old wood, and to preserve die young natural plants. I assure 
 you, Mr. North, that the place is well worth your attention whenever 
 you can fuitl time to see it. 
 
 North. I shall go next year, I think. 
 
 Tickler. What is best of ail is, that the comfort of the people is 
 attended to, and 1 do not believe there is a Highland district where 
 the poor are so well provided. There is one side of the country 
 kept for sheep, and the other for deer. Some of the highest moun- 
 tains in tin- kingdom are to be seen. One of them is considered to 
 be as high or higher tlian Ben Nevis— the Dee also rises in the 
 Forest. All through Lord Fife's country great improvements are 
 taking place. The Abbey of Pluscardine, near Elgin, has been 
 restored. 
 
 Odoherty. Hogg, you've been "glowring frae you," and preaching 
 lung enough ; iucipe nunc, miisa ! 
 
 Jlo'icf. I canna sing yet, Captain : just bear wi' me till I've had 
 another tumbler or twa — that's a good fellow, now — I'll gie ye fangs 
 anew or the morn's morning. 
 
 North. No com[)ulsion here; this is Liberty Hall : but you must 
 tell a story. Shepherd, or drink the forfeit. 
 
 Hogg. Ae braw simmer day I was sitting wi' my corbie-craw 
 piking at my taes : and auld Hector, puir chield, him that's awa — • 
 and wha should step in to tak his morning wi' me but Tammy Braid- 
 shaw, ye ken — 
 
 Tickler. Come, come, Chaldean sage; we've all heard that a 
 hundred times. 
 
 Hogg. Weel, try your haund yoursell. I'm to tell a' my new 
 stories here forsooth, and what would come of my new Winter 
 Evening Tales, think ye. 
 
 Ticklrr. To be sure mutton's a drug at present. What news 
 from Germany, Meinheer Kem|)ferhausen 1 
 
 Kiinpferhausen. The celebrated professor of Ingolstadt, Doctor 
 Blumensiicker, is about to put forth his long-expected work " Z>e Re 
 C7/w/«/it/," — full notes, capital portraits of every body. 
 
 North. Bravo ! Vir Clariss. — I wonder no London bookseller gets 
 up an illustrated edition of the Chaldee — Barker for Editor.* 
 Tickler. The Constitutional would be at it.f 
 
 • Edmund Henry Barker (born 1788, died 1839.) was one of the most eminent of modern 
 tcholiirg. He edited Stephens' "Thesaurus Lingua; GrjecEB," a gipantic performance. BesiJes 
 Ihit, he edilfd Prolepmnena to Homer. Lempnere, and other school books. He contributed 
 larpcly to the Cla.-m al .I<nirn.-il.<, the Hriti.^h Critic, and other periodicals. — M. 
 
 t The Ccnulitutional Society, in London, prosecuted small vendors of sedition and irreligion, 
 but wero too well bred to troul>ie oiTenders of rank or wealth. — M
 
 SOUTIIKY A^'D BYKON. 259 
 
 Odohrrfij. A fig for the Constitutional — you see they don't dare 
 lv> meddle with Lord Byron ! 
 
 Hogg. What has Byron been doing in their line ? 
 
 Odoherty. The Liberal, you know. 
 
 Tickler. Poo, poo, Odoherty, you know as well as I that he had 
 very little to do with that hunil)ug. 
 
 Odohcrtij. To be sure I do — There's nothing of his in it but the 
 Vision of Jiidgn'-ent, and the Letter to Granny lioberts. 
 
 North. What do you think of those compositions, Timothcus 1 
 
 Tickler. I have never thought much about them. But it strikes 
 me that the Vision is vastly iutirior to Beppo, to say nothing of the 
 exquisite Don Juan. It contains a dozen capital stanzas or so, but 
 on the whole 'tis washy. 
 
 Odohtrtg. What a shame it is to banter such a respectable man as 
 Dr. Southey at this rate — so uncalled for — so out of taste — so inde- 
 fensible — so scurrilous! 
 
 Hogg. Hear till him ! He has face for ony thing. 
 
 Tickler. I think Dr. Southey is the fairest of all sul)jects, for my 
 part. The man's arrogance and dogmatical airs are worthy of much 
 severer castigation than they have ever yet met with. Just open 
 one of his articles in the Quarterly — what slow, solemn, pompous, 
 self-conceit runs through all he writes. Do you remember the con 
 elusion of his Brazil Balaam 1 
 
 Narlh. I am ashamed to say I never saw the work. 
 
 Tickler. Who ever did 1 but at the end of those two thumping 
 leaden quartos about Caziques, hieroglyphical pictures, and so tbrth, 
 thus saith the Doctor — " Thus have 1 finished one of those great and 
 lasting works, to which, in the full vigor of manhood, I looked for- 
 ward as the objects of a life of literature." — 'Tis something like that, 
 however — did you ever hear such like stuff? 
 
 Odoherty. Often from the Lakers. They're a high speaking set 
 of boys. 
 
 Kanfferhausen. Oh, Mr. North, Mr. North ! that I should live to 
 hear such words spoken at your table. I'm sure ijou respect Southey, 
 and adore Wordsworth in your heart. Mein gott ! meiu gott ! 
 
 North. I respect Southey as one of the most accom{)lished scho- 
 lars of the age; but I no more dream of mentioning him in the 
 same day with the god Pan, than I should of classing a Jetlrey with 
 a Hogg. 
 
 Tickler. Allow me to utter a few mouthfuls of common sense. 
 Omnes. Out with them, Timothy. 
 
 Tickler. The fact of the matter is this — Lord Byron overdoes his 
 satire. People won't sufier a Dunciad nov; a-days with but one 
 Dunce in it. And the world were not thinking of Mouthy Southey 
 or bis hexameters.
 
 2G0 
 
 KOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Xorth. There's some truth there. Nothing should be parodied 
 but what is well known. 
 
 Tickler. Is the old song of An Hundred Years Hence well 
 ki.owii ? 
 
 Xortli. Come, away with your parody then, if you have it in your 
 pocket. 
 
 (Tickler sin^s, accompanying himself on the fiddle.) 
 
 3 T ^ 
 
 — ^- 
 
 ■X 
 
 » '-^ 
 
 :-j=J: 
 
 
 -i^-* 
 
 'A ly— 1~ 
 
 -^*- 
 
 ' Let us (irink and be mcr- ry, Danc6, joke, and re-joice, With cla - ret, and 
 
 sher - ry, The or - bo, and voice." So sings the old song, And a good one it 
 
 is ; Few bet - ter were writ -ten From that day to this ; And I hope I may 
 
 :t 
 
 EtES^EE: 
 
 -•— #—- f- 
 
 ■x=x 
 
 ^A\ 
 
 say it, And give no offence. Few 
 
 In tliis yeur ciglitecn hundred 
 
 Aud twenty and two. 
 There are |)leiity of fidse cues 
 
 And plenty of I rue. 
 There are I. rave men and cowards; 
 
 An I bright men and asses ; 
 There are lenion-faeed prudes; 
 
 There are kind-hearted hisses. 
 He who quarrels with this 
 
 Is a man of no sense, 
 For so 'twill continue 
 
 An huadred years hence. 
 
 more will be bet - ter Aji hundred years hence. 
 
 4. 
 
 I only rejoice, that 
 
 My life has been cast 
 On the gallant ami glorious 
 
 Bright (lavs which we've past; 
 When the flag of Old England 
 
 Waved lordly in pride, 
 Wlierever green Ocean 
 
 Spreads his murnmring tide* 
 And I pray that unbroken 
 
 Her watery fence 
 May still keep off invaders, 
 
 An hundred years hence. 
 
 There are people who rave 
 
 Of the national debt, 
 Let them pay off their own, 
 
 And the nation's f)rget; 
 Others ba.vl for reform, 
 
 Which were easily done. 
 If eacli Would resolve 
 
 To reform Number One: 
 For 7/J// part to wisdom 
 
 I make no pretence, 
 F'U be us wise as my neighbors 
 
 An hundred 3'eurs hence. 
 
 I rejoice that I saw her 
 
 Triumphant in war, 
 At sublime Waterloo, 
 
 At dear-bought Trafalgar; 
 On sea and on land, 
 
 Wheresoever she fought, 
 Ti-atiipling Jacobin tyrants 
 
 And slaves as she ought: 
 Of Church and of Kino 
 
 Still the firmest defence: — 
 So may she continue 
 
 Au hundred years hence.
 
 6. 
 
 BYRON. 201 
 
 1. 
 
 Whey then need I grieve, if So let us be jolly, 
 
 Some people there be, Why mod we repine! 
 
 Wlio, foes to their country, If gijef is a folly, 
 
 Rejoice not with me ; Let's drown it in wine ! 
 
 Sure 1 know in my heart. As they scared awav fiends 
 
 That Whigs ever have been By the ring of a hell, 
 
 Tyrannic, or turnspit. So the ling of Ihe glass' 
 
 Malignant, or mean : Shall l.lue devils expel : 
 
 They wkhe and are scoundrels With a bumper bef )re us 
 
 In every sense. The night we'll commeuce 
 
 And scoundrels they will be By toasting true Toiies 
 
 An hundred years hence. An hundred years hence. 
 
 Hoffff. It is glorious ! it is perfectly glorious, as Gray would say. 
 Keiiipferha uaen (siiiffs. ) 
 
 Stille, bersch', andacht, und der seel'erliebung. 
 Rings umber ! Fern sei was befleekt von sundist, 
 Was dem Staub anhaftet zu klein der meucheit 
 
 Hoperen aufschwung ! 
 
 Tilly leeri, oiko, hi oiko, hi oiko ! 
 
 Tillee oiko, oiko. Tilli oi-i-oi-i-oiko ! 
 
 JVoj-th. Your voice is much improved. You really begin to sirg 
 now, Meiiiheer. 
 
 Kfinpfei-hauscn. Give me a flash of the Rudelsheirner — (i-oiko ! 
 i-oko — ) 
 
 Hogg. Wheesht, wheesht, callant — you're deafening Mr. Tickler. 
 
 I'ickler. Let me tip ye another bit of sense, will ye, lads 1 
 
 Oduherty. Indulge the quizz. 
 
 Tickler, That song of Privy Counsellor Kempferhausen is as bad 
 as " Naked feet, naked feet." 
 
 Omncs. No, no, no, Tickler — don't dish the Privy Counsellor. 
 
 Tickler. Well, then, I won't for this once. But, after all, what do 
 you think. General Christophe, of this production of Pisa? 
 
 North. I think, Colonel Timothy, that it is naught. Not that I 
 am in any danger of joining in the vulgar cries that ring in one's 
 ears, but really Lord Byron should remember that he is now a man 
 tovvai'ds forty* — and that if he passes that era without taking up, the 
 whole world will pronounce him an incurable. 
 
 Hogg. Lord keep us ! whatfor an incurable ? — he's just ane of tlie 
 finest, cleverest chiels of the age, and if he was here just now, he 
 would be a delight to us all. 
 
 Udoherly. Experto crede. The odd fish is only just trying how far 
 he may go ; give him line, he'll soon come in. 
 
 Tickler. He must cut the Cockney. 
 
 Odoherty. I lay a tester he has cut him. already. Did you look at 
 that rascally specimen of the Cockneyfied Orlando Furioso \ 
 
 * In December, 1822, he was within a month of being 35.— M.
 
 2G2 NOCTES AMBROSIANJi. 
 
 North. I did. But what was there to surprise you? He had 
 alri-ady done Theocritus into the psahn measure (long metre) — was 
 there any farther march in the kingdom of absurdity ? 
 
 TiikUr. ^o, no; but one really cannot sutler such a fellow to be 
 chupjiifying and patchitying at tlie Orlando Furioso, without bring- 
 ing a whip across his withers. Why, the whole concern is abomina- 
 bly, nau-eous, filthv, base, gingerbread, Cockney stuff. One might 
 read him for a mile without knowing it was Ariosto he was after, if 
 he did not clap old Ludoyico's name and surname at the top of his 
 pages! What impudence ! 
 
 Odohcrty. Do you see me now, I think you are hard on King 
 Leigh. His description of Pisa afl'ected me. 
 
 T'ck-lcr. What atfectation ! — 
 
 Odohirty. Well, I was seriously pleased with him. There is a 
 merit in such candor. The man tells you plainly, without going 
 round about the bush, that he had never seen a hill or a clear stream 
 before, and that both of them are fine things in their way. The 
 Cockney is candid. I loye the King. Viva Le Hunto Signior di 
 Cocuyna ! 
 
 North. What an abortion is that tale of the Florentine Lovers !* 
 How unavoidably the Bel Ludgato peeps out ! Suil'er any given 
 Cockney to write three sentences on end in any book in the world, 
 and if 1 don't pick them out ad apcrturum, dethrone me. 
 
 Jl'ig'j. That's a stretcher, my man. 
 
 North. No ; for example, just the other day, my friend little Frank 
 Jeflrey, in one of those good-humored moments of utter silliness that 
 now and then obscure his general respectability, permitted Lecturec 
 Hazlitt to assist him in doing a review of Bvron's tragedies for the 
 Edinbur"h. If any one here has brought the blue and yellow with 
 him for the lighting of his tube, I engage, undur pain of drinking 
 double tides till noon, to mark every paragraph that Billy dipped his 
 ugly paw in. 
 
 Odoherty. By Jove, here's a libel for you ! Jeffrey and Hazlitt 
 working at the same identical article, like two girls both sewing of 
 one flower, upon one sampler ! Tell that to the marines. 
 
 Keii.pferhuusen. You will at least admit that Mr. Shelley's version 
 of the Mayday-night scene has its merits. I assure you 'tis goot, 
 very goot. 
 
 North. Yes, yes, I had forgot it. 'Tis indeed an admirable mor- 
 peau, — full of life, truth, and splendor. 1 think it must be very like 
 Goethe's afiliir. 
 
 A'eiiijt/erJiauscn. Oh, very like, — only the Cockney Editors did not 
 know a word of the original, and they've blundered awfully now and 
 then, in their printing, — for example, there is a wizard call of " Come 
 
 • A prose tale in The Liberal, by Leigh Hunt, severely reviewed in Maga. — M.
 
 TITE CnALDKE. 2CIi 
 
 to me from tlic Sea of rocls,^'' which is in my fiitiu'r-tonpiic frhvmcc. 
 The Her Shelley, I sui>|iose, had noted the (German word on hi.s 
 paper, not having an English one just ready. But the Hunts print 
 in English "Come to me from /e/»?/?ee," — which is no meaning at all, 
 any more than if they had said, " Come to me from plulahe;/.'''' 
 
 Hogf/. Oh, what ignoramuses — But. I dare say, yon German duels 
 sometimes make as braw blunders themsels, when they're yerking 
 awa at the Queen's Wake, or the Three Perils of Man, ower bye 
 yonder 
 
 Odoherfy. 'Tis like they may, — I don't doubt many of your little 
 exquisite touches of elegance evapoi-ate under the hands of your 
 translators. Kempferhausen, himself, has mauled you at a time, if 
 he would but own it. 
 
 Keinpfirhauaen. Covjiteor. Miserere Domine ! I wrote a trans- 
 lation of Kenil worth, you know, when I was at Hamburgh. Well, 
 I had forgot that you English spell the beast with an o, and the tipple 
 with an e, so I made mine host of Cumnor sport the Beer and the 
 broken- ladle, instead of the Bear and the liaijyid Staff, for his sign- 
 post. All Germany, at this moment, believes that that was the real 
 sign. Indeed, it is now a favorite one among our Teutonic Tintos. 
 
 Hogg. Dinna lose a night's rest for that, my man : ae thing's just 
 a good as anither. It's nae matter what ane pits in a book ; my 
 warst things aye sell best, I think. I'm resolved, I'll try and write 
 some awfu' ill thing this winter. 
 
 Odoherty. Do, the Agriculturists really must exert themselves in 
 these hard times. 
 
 Tickkr. You were always a diligent fellow, Hogg; of course The 
 Three Perils have a fine run. 
 
 Hogg. That's civil 
 
 Odoherty. One of your principal objects appears to have beer. 
 The Vindication of the Chaldee of Hogg, (ut cum Glengarry 
 loquar) — for I see one of your characters is yourself, alway^s sport- 
 ing that venerable lingo. 
 
 Hogg. Hoot ! It was just the ither five chapters of the Chaldee ; 
 them that Ebony would not print : they were lying moulding in my 
 drawers, and I thought I would put them into the Novel for Balaam ; 
 naebody fand me out,— ! kent that would be the way o't. 
 
 Odoherty. After all, Hogg, what devil possessed you to own the 
 Chaldee ? 
 
 Hogg. I wish ye would let me eat my victuals, and drink my 
 liquor in peace ; I've been up since four in the morning among the 
 drovers, and I'm no able to warstle wi' you the night. 
 
 North. Don't mind these scamps, Hogg= Why, there's not one 
 of 'em but would give his ears to write any thing half so fine as the 
 opening chapters of the second volume of your Perils.
 
 0(34 NOCTES AAIBROSIAN^. 
 
 Tickler. IIiis ITogj? hoard or seen the Epigrams by Mr. Webb, 
 and jMr. Ilazlitt. on"(GJeneral North's arms? 
 
 Jlooy. Dei I ;i bit o' me. Od ! there's nae wale o' Epigrams on 
 Yarr<".\v water. 
 
 Tickler. Then listen. William Ilazlitt, in the first place, being 
 asked by Leigh Hunt, why North's crest is a Rose, a Thistle, and a 
 Shaiiirwlv, made these lines by way of answer. At least they ar^, 
 attributed to him by the AVhigs "here. But, to be sure, he must 
 have been in a sweet humor : 
 
 " You ask me, kind Hunt, why does Christopher North 
 For his crest, Thistle, Shiimroek, iiud Rose blazen forth? 
 The answer is easy : his pages disclose 
 Tiie splendor, the fragrance, the grace of the Rose ; 
 Yet so humble, that he, though of writers the chief, 
 In modesty vies with the Shamrock's sweet leaf; 
 
 Like the Thistle 1 Ah ! Leigh, you and I must confess it, 
 
 Nemo me (is his motto) impune lacesset." 
 
 Hogq. Very weel, very weel, indeed; the lad's on the mendiiag 
 hand 1 think, sirs. 
 
 Tickler. Yet I think Corny Webb's verses are neater : 
 
 " Each leaf which ■we see over Christopher's helm 
 
 Is an emblem of ])art of our insular realm : 
 
 The well-fought-for Rose, is of England the bearing, 
 
 The Thistle of Scotland, the Shamrock of Erin: 
 
 And they therefore are borne by the Star of the Forth, 
 
 Foa Kit Nortu loves all theee, and all three love Kit North." 
 
 Odohertrj. Rather jaw-breaking that last line, like Cornelius's 
 sonnets ; but truth may well compensate for want of melody.* 
 
 Hogg. It often surprises me when I think on't. But, after a', 
 there's but few of the First-raters, except Christopher himself here, 
 that really excels in periodical writing ; I confess I never thought 
 1 myself for ane was ony great dab in that department. 
 
 Tickler. Let me see — this is an ingenious start of the Shepherd's. 
 But, after all, is there truth in what he says 1 Is not he himself a 
 goodish periodicaller 1 
 
 Kempferh arisen. Donner and blitzen ! do you talk so of the author 
 of the Chaldee ? 
 
 7'icklcr. Aye, that, to be sure, is one chef-cTceuvre; but on the 
 whole, I, though I love and admire Hogg as much as any one, must 
 honestly and fairly say, that I consider him as inferior to Jeffrey in 
 re period/culi. 
 
 Kurth. No doubt he is. In fact, Hogg has always had his eyes on 
 other alfairs — perhaps on higher. 
 
 Hogg. Na, na — nane o' youa jeers, auld man ! 
 
 • Comeliiu Webbo, a London writer, author of Glances at Life, Sonnets, &o. — M.
 
 CAMPBELL. 2G 
 
 r 
 
 North. 1 don't so much wonder at Hogg ; but what do vou sav to 
 Tom Canipbein ^ 
 
 Tickhr. Why, I don't know that we have any jiroper data yet 
 to ju<ige of Tommy. His magazine is a very queer book. It is 
 almost all (I mean the large print) very decently written. Thi-re is 
 a certain sort of elegance in many papers, and a ceitain soit of very 
 neatish information in others ; but the chief, and indeed the dainn'i 
 fying defect, is a total want of (jist. Is there any one can tell me at 
 this moment of any one purpose that work appears to keep in 
 view '{ 
 
 Kemp/erhausen. Mr. North, did yo?/ not like the letters of Don 
 Leucadio Doblado ]* 
 
 North. To be sure I did, and did I not like the Confessions of the 
 Opium Eater, too 1 — but I do no more think of judging of the two Lon 
 don Magazines by these things, than I would think of estimating the 
 Edinburgh Review, as a book, by the few occasional pages of the 
 old Arch-libeller's own penmanship, which" now and then adorn it iu 
 these its degenerate days. 
 
 Tickler. The real defect is in my friend Tom. He is lazy, and he 
 is timorous, — are not these qualities enough for your problem? 
 
 Odohcrty. Let them pass. Lord Byron is neither lazy nor timo 
 rous, — and yet, you see, he is also a failure in this line. 
 
 North. Not at all — he is a man made for that sort of fun. But 
 what would the Duke of Wellington himself do, if he were obliged 
 to consult Jeremy Bentham about his movements'? Knock olf his 
 handcutls — I mean the Cockneys — and you'll see Byron is a sweet 
 fellow yet. 
 
 Tickler. I was distressed to see John Bull abusing The Lil)eral as 
 he did. John should be above such palaver; but I see he, with all his 
 wit, makes a few sacrifices to humbug. What now can be more ex- 
 quisitely ludicrous than the anti-Catholic zeal of such a chap as Bull'? 
 
 Odoherly., {laying Jinger on iioxe, ui>d eyeing Mr. Editor.) Poo ! 
 poo ! we could match that elsewhere. 
 
 North, with an agreeable hutting <^ brows. Silence, Standard- 
 bearer ! 
 
 Hogg. I'll no hear Lord Byron abused, for he has ay been a kin^l 
 friend to me. But, oh, sirs ! what could gar him put in yon awfu' 
 words about the gude auld King ; and now that the worthy sant's in 
 heaven, too] or Mhare did ever ony body see ony thing like yon 
 epigram sf on Lord Castlereagh's death ? 
 
 * I!y Rev J. Blanco White, a Spaniard.— M. 
 
 + Tlie " Vi.-ion 0/ Judgment," (a burlesque on a very pretentious poem of the fame nama, 
 by Southev.) appeared in The Liberal, edited by Byron and Leich Hunt. The three epiKrani* 
 on Castlereagh s death appeared in the same pcriodicai. They were worth Utile. Tho be»t 
 
 run thus : ..,-.. ^r, . 
 
 " So, He has cut his throat at last I— He ! Who? 
 The man who cut his country's long ago "— M.
 
 2GG NOCTES A VTBROSIANJE. 
 
 Tickler. Shocking trash ! shocking, shocking ! 
 
 Odoherhj. I suppose Byron thought, since The Courier al^used 
 dead Shelk'v. The Liberal had a right to abuse d.-ad Castlereagh. 
 
 N'rih. Sir, Lord Byron thought no such thing. Lord Byron 
 could never have thought that he had a right to Insult all England, 
 merely because one poor drivelling hypocrite had insulted his friend's 
 meinorv in a newspaper. No, no, there is no defending these 
 things. 
 
 Odohertij. Particularly as they happen to be utterly dull and 
 helpless, and as devoid of point as the Ettrick Shepherd's own 
 gaiicy under-(Hiartcr, which, by the way, I wish he would give over 
 scratching. 
 
 North. Once more, Hogg, never mind them. Your affection for 
 Lord Bvrnii. and concern to see him acting amiss, do vou much 
 honor. Whatever examples other people may set or follow, I hope 
 you will always continue to be of opinion, that the few men of 
 genius in the world ought to respect each other, rejoice in each 
 other's triumphs, and be cast down by each other's misfortunes. 
 Such a way of thinking is generous, and worthy of your kind heart, 
 my good worthy friend. 
 
 Odohertij. Sir Richard Phillips is another great genius, and yet he 
 does not write a ijood Mao;azine. 
 
 Tickler. Why, Pythagoras, my dear fellow, is one of the most 
 contemptible Magaziners in the world. He is a dirty little jacobin, 
 that thinks there is more merit in making some dirty little improve- 
 ment on a threshing machine, than in composing an Iliad. He is a 
 mere plodding, thick-skulled, prosing dunderpate; and everything 
 he puts forth seems as if it had been written by the stink of gas in 
 the fifth story of a cotton-mill — a filthy Jacobinical dog, sir. 
 
 North. Poor idiot ! he is hammering at Napoleon still ; now, in- 
 deed, he has taken to exhibiting a two-penny-halfpenny bust of him, 
 in his house in Bridge-street. Gentlemen and ladies one shilling — 
 children and servants sixpence only ! 
 
 Horig. Speaking about Bonaparte, I wad like if ye Avad lend me 
 that lad Barry O'Meara's book out wi' me for a week. I'll return 
 it by the next carrier. 
 
 North. Don't read it, Hogg. It's a piece of mere trash. 
 
 Hogg. Od ! I thought I saw some commendation o't in the ]\Iaga- 
 zine. 
 
 North. Yes— but Mr. Croker's letter of 1818 had not been pub 
 lished then — at least I had not seen it, else I would have scored out 
 the paragraph.* 
 
 • Copy o( the official Letter which notified to Mr. O'Meara bis removal from the sitnation 
 of a Surgeon in the Navy : 
 
 "Admiralty Office, Nov. 2, IS18. 
 " Sia— I have received and laid before my Lords Commisioners cf the Admiralty your letter
 
 BAKRT o'mf.ARA. 2C7 
 
 Ho(jri. What docs Crocker say about him ? 'Tis like he M\w\\i 
 ken something about him in Erland. "^ 
 
 North. VN'hy, you see, Mr. Hogg, the story \v;is just this :— Mr. 
 O'Mcara 
 
 Odohcrty. O'Mara, if you please, North. 
 
 North. Well, Mr. O'Marra writes to the Admiralty in 1818, say- 
 ing that Sir Hudson Lowe had asked him to poison Bonaparte iux 
 him in 181G. Stop there, my friend, says 2>Ir. Croker, either you 
 are telling a bit of a bouncer, and Sir Hudson never made any such 
 proposals to you at all ; or you are a pretty behaved lad, (are you 
 not 1) to keep the thing in your pocket for two years, and bring it 
 out now, not for the sake of justice, but for the sake of gratifvintr 
 your own spleen. In short, " Le Doctcur O'Mcara" was dismissed 
 his Majesty's service for this atlair, and that's all. 
 
 KempferhauHen. Has he never made any answer to all this ] 
 
 Ticklitr. Answer ! — Poo ! poo ! — The dilemma is inevitable — he 
 can only make his choice on which horn he is to ride. 
 
 Odoherty. We shall see what he says for himself in due time. He 
 is a cleverish kind of fellow, is O'Meai'a, and we must, at least, 
 admit that he has dish'd old Walter of the Times. 
 
 (and its enclosure) of the 23th ult., in which you state several particulars of your conduct in 
 the situation you lately held at St. Heiena. and request 'that their Lordsiiijis would, as soon ai 
 their important duties should allow, communicate to you trieir judgment thereupon.' 
 
 '■ Their Lordships have lost no time in considering your stateinent ; and they command me 
 to inform yuu, that (even witliout reference to the complaints made against you by Lieut. 
 General Sir H. Lowe) they find in your own admissions ample grounds lor marking your pro- 
 ceedings with their severest displeasure. 
 
 " But there is one pas.~age in your said letter of such a nature as to supersede the necessity 
 of animadverting upon any other part of it. 
 
 " This passage is as follows: — 'In the third interview which Sir Hudson Lowe had with 
 Napoleon Bonaparte in the month of .May, HIO, he proposed to the latter to send me liway, 
 and to replace me by .\ir. Ba.\ter, who had been several years surgeon in the Coisican Rangers. 
 This proposition was rejected with indignation by Napoleon Bonaparte, upon the grounds of 
 the indelicacy of a proposal to substitute an army surgeon for the private surgeon of his own 
 choice. Failing in ttiis attempt, Sir Hudson Lowe adopted the resolution of manifesting 
 great confidence in me by loading me with civilities, inviting me constantly to dinner with 
 iiim, conversing for hours together with ine alone, both in his own house and grounds and at 
 Longwood, cither in my own room, or under the trees and elsewhere. On some of these occa- 
 sions he made to me observations upon the benefit which would i-esult to Europe from the 
 death of Napoleon Bonaparte, of which event he spoke in a manner which, considering hia 
 situation and mine, was peculiarly distressing to me.' 
 
 " It is impossible to doubt the meaning which this passage was intended to convey, and my 
 Lords can as little doubt that the insinuation is a calumnious fal.sehood ; but, if it were true, 
 and if so horrible a suggestion were made to you, directly or indirectly, it was your boundcii 
 duty not to have lost a moment in communicating it to the Admiral on the spot, or to the 
 Secretary of State, or to their Lordships. 
 
 "An overture so monstrous in itself, and so deeply involving not merely the personal 
 chaiacter ol the Governor, but the honor of the nation- and to the important interesu com- 
 mitted to his cliarge, should not have been reserved in your own breast for two years, to be 
 produced at last, not (as it would appear) from a sense of public duty, but in furtherance of 
 your peiEonal hostility against the Governor. 
 
 " Either the charge is in the last degree false and calumnious, or you can have no possible 
 excuse tor having hitherto suppressed it. 
 
 '• In either case, and without adverting to the general tenor of your conduct, a.s stated in 
 your letter, my Lords consider you to be an improper person to continue in his Majesty's ser. 
 vice, and they have directed your name to be erased from the li:;t of Naval Surgeon^ accord- 
 ingly. I have. &c., (Signed) J. W. C.okee 
 
 ■' VJr O'Meara, 23 Chester Place, Kensington."
 
 2GS 
 
 KOCTES AMBEOSIAN.E 
 
 Tickler. Not much to brag of, that, if he had done it, — but I 
 doubt the fact. 
 
 Odoherttj. Well, well, as Samuel Jolinson sairl, " Tls no great 
 ol)jt-'i't to arranirc the precedence l)etwcen a louse and a flea." 
 
 Blackicoud. All I say is, that the more the book is abused, the 
 better it sells. I think there is never an hour but I hear it called 
 fur. It has had as great a run as the Cook's Oracle ever had. 
 
 North. \'\\ lend you the book, however, old Hogg. 
 
 Hogp. Thank ye, sir; atler a' you're the discreetest of your divan, 
 and rii sing ye a sang for you're civility. 
 
 Kempfcrhausen. Bravo ! Colonel, sing, sing — hurra ! hurra ! 
 hurra ! 
 
 Hogg (sings.) 
 
 Air — Lively. 
 
 ^±*z.w. 
 
 3?^ 
 
 o 
 
 • — * — • r 
 
 sair - ly may I 
 
 _.N S ^ ^ 
 
 S 
 
 -^— ^-* 
 
 -t^- 
 
 |V# 
 
 V=-5 
 
 m 
 
 rue the day I fan-cied first the women-kind, For 
 
 
 aye sin - syne I ne'er can ha'e A qui - et thought or peace o' mind. 
 
 ^^^ 
 
 They ha'e plagued my heart, and pleased my e'e, And teased and flat - tered 
 
 h 
 
 ?*--N' 
 
 iiMii 
 
 =^ 
 
 -#— * 
 
 -V- 
 
 ^^^^^=^ 
 
 iLnl 
 
 =^ 
 
 me at will ; But aye, for a' their witch6rye, The paw - Ry things, I 
 
 CHORUS, /'T^ 
 
 4'- 
 
 :± 
 
 -«i 
 
 *=^=i^=^ 
 
 t 
 
 m 
 
 lo'e them still. O the wo - men folk, O the wo - men folk, But 
 
 :If=-^-^^ 
 
 tf 
 
 JT_^_ 
 
 i-- 
 
 :*Z(i — ,.fi. 
 
 V — ^ 
 
 ■4-- 
 
 i^ 
 
 thev ha'e been 
 
 the wreck o' me I 
 
 wca - ry la' 
 
 the 
 
 Vfo - men folk. For they win- na let a bo dy be. 
 
 I've thought, an' thouglit, but darna tell ; 
 I've 8tu(lic'il thciii w'l ii' my skill;
 
 u 
 
 THE WOMEN FOLK 
 
 . •» 
 
 20:> 
 
 Fve loe'd them better than mysel' ; 
 
 I've tried a<^;iiu to like them ill. 
 Wha sairest strives, will sairest ru#, 
 
 To comprehend what uae man can : 
 Wheu he has done what niau can do, 
 
 He'll end at last where he began. 
 
 0, the women folk, <i:c. 
 
 That they hae gentle forms, and meet, 
 
 A man wi' half a look may see, 
 An' ifi'aeefii' airs, and faces sweet. 
 
 An' wavin curls aboon the bree — 
 An' smiles as saft as the young rosebud, 
 
 An' een sae pawky bright and rare, 
 Wad lure the lavrock frae the elud ; 
 
 Uut, laddie, seek to ken uae mair. 
 
 O, the women folk, <fec. 
 
 Evei. but this night, nae farther gane, 
 
 The date is nouther lost uor lang, 
 I tak' ye witness ilka ane. 
 
 How fell they fought, an' fairly dang ; 
 Their point they've carried right or wrang. 
 
 Without a reason, rhyme, or law, 
 An' forced a man to sing a sansT, 
 
 That ne er could sing a verse ava. 
 
 0, the Avomen folk, <fec. 
 
 Tickler. Well done, kind Shepherd ; I do love to hear your voice 
 once more. Oh! Hogg, those were charming times when you used 
 to pop in upon me of an evening after the chain was on the door, and 
 practise the fiddle till the cattle danced upon the meadow. 
 
 Hogg. Iloh ! sirs, we're a' turnin' auld noo : we've seen our best 
 days, my dear Mr. Tickler. 
 
 Odoherty. Come, come, none of your humdrum sentiment here, 
 my hearties. I will sing you a song I heard last year on board 
 a 74 — it was sung by its author, the surgeon of the vessel — a 
 choice lad. 
 
 North. What is it about % 
 
 Odoherty. I don't recollect the words exactly, but I's give you 
 something to the same tune, and similar in its scope and tendency, 
 (ut cum Macveio loquar.) But you must be all ready with a chorus 
 mind that — 
 
 Odoherty (sings.) 
 
 Let wit and wag - ge - ry, joy and jol 
 
 4r^ 
 
 ty. 
 
 the or - der, boys, of the 
 
 night. 
 
 wine of the prim-est qua - li • ty'Are
 
 270 XOCreS AMBKOil-VS^ 
 
 -€ "* i — :^ — **- 
 
 bearts »»i oar spt - nts LgiiZ ' Cao-nis rav soaj tben. joy-oos -tr cEw - ris it ; 
 
 m 
 
 4-2-^^- 
 
 
 X; r~ 
 
 Whv looi dali r ; .ze ' There are soc&e mo - meais of 
 
 piea - sure oe - lore cs y- 
 
 He who of tax or trthc is su j — 
 
 M»rk him ^ ' i — * 
 
 Or aeeotnt L _^-. 
 
 As great a j.i as Ci/iujcii Ten. 
 
 Tidier. Council Ten ! Who is that, in the name of Grub^treet ? 
 
 ' - _/. An ass. — {^S^nr/s.) — Chorus mv 
 
 - . , . 1 never heard of hiin. 
 
 (. erty. Of course not ; but don't intermpt the song. Tchom*^ 
 a> Mui lig an has it. (A"«<jr».) Chorus mj song then, &:c 
 
 He—' -- --: - Ref.rtnk ParlLiraent. 
 
 Sc f: to the right or left, — 
 
 Why Li--c\j ■*= v-are wLLLt the big wLtj Charlevf- meant — 
 
 Whether 'twas xREAaos, or ooIt ihett * — ' 
 
 Cbonxs mj suc^ ie. . 
 
 -L 
 He-»rbo'd Iwre gs — -' • 'ber eritieal 
 
 On Totir eorsE s : verse or prose ; — 
 
 Tiir_ ■ -c ass p^.Iitieai ; — 
 
 I - .-CO get (irtmk with those. 
 
 Cboms mj aong; St. 
 
 5. 
 
 — -" "y ones; 
 
 Chores mv sooa then. jotoqsIv •■'-', ' 
 
 Wbr should tw k>ok dull or c.-r ; 
 There are s.5fne moments cf pleasure beibrc ra yet 
 
 Fuiderol. tvIdenJ, Lddero), loo ! 
 
 Hogg, {co»ghu,g.) Hoh ! hoh !— I'll be as hoarse as as a cuddie for 
 
 • Br.iiiaci.-il. X Ciariea Jameii Fox.— iL
 
 nooK ASH MOOEE. 271 
 
 a week after this wark. And div ye no find that sanj^s maks a body 
 fou as srx>n as whisky ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes — when they act kindly together, like Wellington 
 and Biucher, I confess these afiairs have an exhilaratin^r scope and 
 tendency. 
 
 HfMjfj. I wush Mr. Canning wad let down the tax on the sma' 
 steMs. A man like hirn should be aboon garrin' sae mony folk sip 
 poishon night and mom. 
 
 North. 1 believe the Highlands have not yet been included in the 
 Foreign Department ; but Mr. Peel was here with the King, you 
 know, and he must have tasted good Glenlivet himself^ I should 
 suppose. 
 
 Tickler. I beg leave to crave a bumper — Mr. Canning ! 
 
 Omnes. 3Ir. Canning ! ! ! Ill ! '. ! 
 
 K'/rlh. Yes. indeed. Canning is the man to carrv the coimtrv with 
 him. 
 
 Hogg. Is it not a very grand thing to be set as he has been at the 
 head of things, just as it were by a kind of an acclamation ? — no 
 doubting, nor donnering ; — every body just agreeing that he's the 
 grandest statesman, and the maist glorious orator of the time. 
 
 2\(jrth. I hope he will give himself the trouble to spend aViut three 
 minutes apiece this Session upon little Grey Bennet, Lord Archibald 
 Hamilton, and Jamie Abercrombie ; for I'm really getting sick of 
 these prosers. 
 
 T'ckhr. How dei^picable is Bennet's persecution of Theodore Hook. 
 Lord ! had Hofjk been a Whig, like Tom Moore, how little we should 
 have heard of all this. 
 
 North. Whv. to be sure. Hook and Moore stand precisely in the 
 same situation — both of them clever men, — both of them wits, — 
 both of them sent out to manage Colonial matters, — both of them 
 meeting ^vith queerish underlings, — both of their underlings cutting 
 their thrf»ats on detection — and then both of them deprived of their 
 offices, and in arrear to the public, not through any purloining of 
 their own, but through circumstances which every one must r^ret as 
 much as themselves. 
 
 Tickler. Aye. but here stops the paralleL Mr. Moore b pitied by 
 every body, and no Tory ever aliuded, or wUl allude, to his misfor- 
 tunes in the House : while ^fr. Hook is, week after V" 1 year 
 after year, made the subject of attack by ail that c-ontt;..^ ... .^ fry of 
 the Bennets, Humes, and so forth. 
 
 X.rth. And you think he would have been in siar»cther water if 
 he had been a ^Vhig ? 
 
 Tickkr. I do. — Only look at their protection and^rowe-ingof such 
 a fellow as Borthwickl* a person who. according to his own story, 
 
 • One of The prions connected -rixk tie Btmccm aad GUtgtnc S^ntimd «r»spM)cre, jnsS thef 
 in Terj- bad odor in the iaw couiis. from the anmber of libel soils >£»■£( ikem.— il-
 
 272 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 betravcd all manner of confulence, which he himself had solicited 
 with all manner of solemnity, for the sake of a few paltry poimds, 
 or rather for the sake of avoiding a day's work in the Jury Court 
 — whereafter all, he might probably have been let off for a shilling. 
 Ju-^t think of a gentlemen like James Abererombie taking up with 
 such a creature — 
 
 2^'uith. And all in the silly and absurd hope of giving a little 
 annovanee to the very people who ennobled his own family but (for 
 which he would have been Nobody) about twenty years ago — no 
 more. 
 
 T.Lkler. Have you seen Alexander's pamphlet ? 
 
 Xorth. Not yet — Is there any thing new in it? 
 
 Tickler. Whv, after all, it turns out that the Lord Advocate's sig- 
 nature, which they make such a wn^ • about, was a forgeky. 
 
 North. Very likely ; I think tha - not by any means the most 
 heinous of all the tricks they've been u- 'ty of. But who forged it? 
 
 Tickler. Alexander does not say <i ..•, but he states the fact 
 broadly.* 
 
 Odoherty. John Bull, who has eyes everywhere, ought to take 
 it up. 
 
 North. Why, Bull seldom meddles with Scotch aflairs ; and, after 
 all, the scent of that humbug has got cold as charity. 
 
 Tickler. By-the-by, what an absurd thing it is that there should not 
 be something better here in Edinburgh in the shape of a Newspaper — 
 Ballantyne's Journal is nothing. 
 
 North. Oh ! 'tis very w-ell for the theatricals, very well indeed ; 
 and now and then it contains good sensible business articles too ; but 
 whenever there comes any thing like a political (|uestion of import- 
 ance, nobody can say, a ^>/-iw/-/, whether James Ballantyne is like to 
 take the best possible view of the matter, or tne worst possible one, 
 lie behaved like a very goose about the jManchester affair ; and, upon 
 the whole, 'tis an inconsistent concern — hot and cold is not the thing 
 for me. 
 
 Od'ihvrty. Stick it into the hero ; — but after all, he's the best. 
 
 Tickhr Bad's the best; but, perhaps, Edinburgh is not a good 
 [dace for a smart paper — too narnnv and limited — people all egg 
 sliells — damned stupid people too — all taken up with their own little 
 jokes, that are unintelligil)le when you pass Cramoiid Bridge. 
 
 Odoherty. The Beacon, for exam})le, what a lump of dulness it 
 was ! It seemed to me to be got up just for the private amusement 
 of three or four spalpeens. 
 
 • The pamphlet as entitled. " Let'.ers to Sir J. Mackintosh. Knt. M.P. Explanatory of the 
 whole circumstances which led to the robber/ of the Glasgow Sentinel Oflice, to the Death of 
 !?ir Alexander Hoswell, Barf, and tiie Trial [.fune 10, IH.'J] of .Mr. James Stnart, youn]jer, of 
 Dunearn ; and ultiiriately to the Aniinadvertinr.s of tlie Hon . Jatnes Abercroraby, in the Housa 
 of Commons, upon the conduct of the Rijjht Hon. the Lord Advt-cate, and various individuali. 
 By Robert Alexander, Editor of the Glasgow Sfentinsl.'' — M.
 
 " TUE BEACON.'- 27 o 
 
 Hogg. Puir callants, nae doubt they boud to hae their ain bit 
 cackle in a corner — let them abee. 
 
 OdoherUj. Now what a proper name Beacon was. By the holy 
 poker, a mangy mongrel could not have lifted his leg, in passing, 
 without putting it out. 
 
 Tickler. A fine thing for the lawyers, however. 
 
 Odoherty {sings.) 
 
 " Ye lawyers 60 just, 
 Be the cause what it will, who so famously plead — 
 
 How worthy of trust 1 
 
 You know black from wliito — 
 
 You prefer wrong to ryht, 
 As you chance to be feed. 
 
 Leave mu-ty reports, 
 
 Aud forsake the King's courts, 
 "Wliere Duluess and Discord have set up their thrones; 
 
 Burn SaJkeld and Ventris, 
 
 With all your damu'd entries. 
 Hark, away to the claret 1 a bumper, 'Squire Jones." 
 
 \An accident in the gas-pipes. 
 
 Vol. 1.— 'JO
 
 No. VIL— 5IAECH, 1^23, 
 
 Skdzrcxt — Chri&tophkr North, Esq.. Olairman , Timotht Tick- 
 iKR Esq., Ox>upier; Morgax Odohebtt, Esq., Jxu£s HotvG. Esq., 
 
 SCENE— 734* Blme Room — &e Table crowded with BoUles, Fitekers, 
 DeriU, Books. Pamphlets, <tc. 
 
 TnDK — One in ike yforniHg. 
 
 JTocg {proloquitmr.) It's just needless for vou to denr 't, mon; it 
 vrss a real bad number. An binna my ain bit paper on Oiptain 
 Nu^ ier.* there was naething worth ^»eakmg o' ! What were ye a' 
 about ? 
 
 ' T as in quod — hang it, they say Jolm Bunviui and 
 Sir W ...... .igh wrote books there, but my spirits always s:uk. 
 
 Ho-io. And wha brousht ve out ? 
 
 T^tckler. Poo ! poo ! he took the benefit of the cessio as usual. 
 
 X-jrik. Tm sure if he would but exert himself^ he need never be 
 ji any such sorapes ; but Fm weary of speaking. Confound 
 
 Hogp {aside to the Adjutant) Never heed, he'll mind you m his 
 wull tor a' that — his bark was aye waur than his bite. 
 
 Odoherty. N'importe I Here I am once more. FU be cursed if I 
 don't marry a dowager ere the next month is over. How well it 
 will hx^k — - At her Ladyship's house, by special license, Moi^an 
 Odohertv. Eso.. to Ladv 1*' 
 
 TkkUr. "Yio or die," is the word with you, it would appear. 
 Well, you had better get a Highland garb without delay. Nothing 
 to be d»>ne sans kilt now. sir. Even " legs and Impudence " won't 
 go down unless ii» puris. 
 
 Odoherty. Did you see Hogg the day of the Celtic cattle-show ? 
 1 am told he looked nobly. 
 
 Tickler. \ es, indeed. Hogg makes a very fine savage. He was 
 all over in a bristle with dirk, claymore, eagle's feather, tooth, 
 whisker, pistol and powder-horn. His ears were erect, his evebrow 
 indignant, his hands were hairy, his hurdles were horrible, his tread 
 
 • Tfcis -n- --Tke Hoaors'b'.e Cip^a Xipier aai Eraiek Forest," aad vas a coUc« 
 
 of ** X ip i fr ■ ;» Ptaeuc. S-.cfe:-F»imiB». as app»i.-ib.e to liie MoQBtaiBOOs Rejicn 
 
 •f Ennck F^.-.-.. o... Tmtii to sit, it -was a snoag ptia of tAe Captaia — the same ■wno, 
 »ii4B Lorvl >'x{>;er, dioi ia Caiaa. :b' l£H.—U.
 
 BKODIE S EXECUTION. £7^ 
 
 was terrific. I met him even where our merchants most do congro- 
 gate, at the Cross, and truly he had the crown of the causeway all to 
 himself. 
 
 Odoherhj. Had you your tail on, Clanhogg ? 
 
 Hogg. Ye ill-tongued dyvour.* But what's the use o' ar^ufvin" 
 wi' the like o' you'.'— (5i/;^s.) d ^ o 
 
 Knets an' elbows, and a', 
 Elbows aiiil knees, aud a' ; 
 Here's to Donald Macdouald, 
 Stanes au' bullets, au' a' ! 
 
 North. Ay, ay, Jemmy, that's the way to take it ; but I'm sorry 
 you thought it a bad Number. I should have sujjposed that its con- 
 taining a touch of your own would have been enougii to save it with 
 you, at least, and the rest of the Ettrick lads. 
 
 Tickler. You deceive yourself, editor. 
 
 North. Nay, Tickler, 1 know what you mean. Upon my word, I 
 shall insert that thing of yours very soon ; don't be so very im- 
 patient. 
 
 Tickler. What, you old quiz! do you suppose I was angry at 
 your omitting my little production ? You may kick it behind' the 
 fire for what 1 care, I assure you of that, sir. 
 
 North. Not so fast, Timotheus ; but what was your chief objec- 
 tion 1 
 
 Tickler. That shocking, that atrocious lie, about Brodie — or rather, 
 I should say, that bundle of lies.f 
 
 Odohertg. I wrote it. 'Ware candlesticks. 
 
 Hogg. Haud your haund there. Hoot, hoot, sirs ; the present 
 company are always excepted, ye ken. 
 
 Omnes. Agreed ! Agreed ! 
 
 Tickltr. 1 disdain all personality, but that paragraph was full of 
 shocking mis-statements. The fact is, I saw Brodie hanged, and he 
 had no silver tube in his windpipe, and r o flov/ered waistcoat on. It 
 is true that he sent for a doctor to ask if there was any prcbability of 
 escaping with life, but Degravers told him at once, sir, thf.t he would 
 be " as dead as Julius Caisar ;" these were the words. But Brodie 
 would hold his own opinion ; and nobody e'er threv*^ down the pocket; 
 handkerchief more assured of resuscitation. Poor devil ! he juso 
 spun round a few times, and then hung as quiet as you please, wilQ 
 his pigtail looking up to heaven. 
 
 * Dyvour — a debtor who cannot p^iy. — M. 
 
 t In Blackwoo'l, tor I ebruary, IfiU, was a revie--- of D'lsraeli's Curiosities of I.iteratuM, in 
 ■which, noticing the fact that the Earl of Morton diea by the Maiden, which he introduced 
 into Scotland, the critic affirmed tliat Deacon Brrdic, who had been hanged (off' a drop of hii 
 own invention) f r robbing the Excise OfHce at Kuiiibiirgh, tliirty years before, actually was 
 executed with a silver tubi- in his windpipe,— but that all attempts to re-anim.ite his hoij 
 were fruitless, 'i'lie rpvi<u er s;iid, ''We have rea.son to say w. know this, for we are old 
 enough to have often talked with the surgeon who was present when the eiperiment wa» 
 made."— M.
 
 2 To N0CTE8 AMBEOSIANJi. 
 
 OJohertij. Alas! poor Brodie ! — To tell you ;he truth, I wished to 
 hum D'Israeli a little. 
 
 Xorth. Pleasant, but wrong ! For shame upon all humming ! 
 
 Odohtrtt/. Farewell ! — a long farewell to all our Noctes. 
 
 JIoiji). Ye mak mair trumpeting about a collector chiel, like D'Is- 
 raeli, than mony a man of original genius and invention. Ye've 
 never reviewed my " Three Perils of Alan" yet. 
 
 North. The more shame to me, I confess; but wait till the " Thtee 
 Perils oi Woman" appear, and then we'll marry them together in 
 one immortal article. 
 
 Odohertij. What, then, are "The Three Perils of Woman f I 
 think, " The Three Perils of Man" were, according to our kilted clas- 
 sic, " Women, War, and Witchcraft." 
 
 Ho(jg. Aye ware they — but faith, guess for yoursell, my cock. I 
 anee told ane of you the name of a book I was on, and ye had ane 
 wi' the same name out or I had won to my second volume. 
 
 North. Horrid usage for a man of original genius and invention. 
 But. let's see, I think you should make them, " Man, Malmsey, and 
 Me'hodism." 
 
 Mr. Tickler. Or, what say ye to " Ribbons, Rakes, and Ratafie ?" 
 
 North. "Flattery, Flirting, and Philabegs?" Three F's, Hogg. 
 
 Ho<irj. \\'eel, I thought of some o' thae very anes. 1 thought of 
 "Kirns, Kirkings, and Christenings," too ; and then 1 thought of 
 *' Dreams, Drams, and Dragoons" — but I fixed at last on three L's. 
 
 Odohertij. " Legs, Lace, and Lies V 
 
 Uo(jfj. Na, na, you're a' out. " Love, Learning, and Laziness." 
 
 Odoherty. O, most lame and impotent conclusion ! But no doubt, 
 you'll make it rich enough in the details. It our " Love" will no 
 doabt end in the cutty stool; your " Learning," in Constable's Maga- 
 zine ; and your " Laziness," in Black Stockings. Thus we shall have 
 an imposing and instructive view of life and society. 
 
 JJogg. If ye say another word, I'll dedicate the bulk to you. Captain. 
 
 Odoherty. Do. I ahva\'s repay a dedication with a pulf. 
 
 Hogy. Yon D'Israeli chap dedicated to you, I'se warrant? 
 
 Odoherty. In writing the tale of " Learning," (for, if I understand 
 you rightly, there are to be three separate jales,) 1 beg of you to 
 imitate, above all other novel writers, my illustrious friend, the 
 Viscount D'Arlincourt.* 
 
 Hogg. Arlincoor, say ye? Wait till I <.,('t out my kiclevine p^n. 
 Od ! I never heard tell of him afore. 
 
 Odoherty. For shame ! " Not to know him." {Shaksjjeare.) In 
 a word, however, my worthy friend, he is the greatest genius of tho 
 cge. If you doubt what I say, I refer you to Sir Richard i'liillipsi 
 1 tliink 1 see him lying there beside the head of North's crutch. 
 
 • A modern French novelist. — M.
 
 VISCOUNT DARLINCOURT. 277 
 
 North. {Handing the Old Monthly to the Emirjn.) There is tlio 
 production. 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, and here's the pufT. "Tliis is the work (.f a mar. 
 of genius, and the translation has fallen into very competent hands." 
 Need I read any more of Sir Pythagoras? 
 
 Hoyy. Oh, no. But what is't ye wad have me particularly to 
 keep an ce upon ? Troth, I wad be nane the waur of a hint or^wa 
 to holj) me on with the sklate. 
 
 Oduherty. 'Tis more especially in the tale " Learning," that I vcn- 
 ture to solicit your attention to my noble fi'iend's works. lie is the 
 most learned novelist of our era. Follow him, and you will please 
 Macvey himself 
 
 Hoyy. Weel, let's hear a wee bit skreed o' him. I daresay Mr. 
 North will hae him yonder amang the lave, beside his stult. Sauf 
 us ! the very table's groaning wi' sae mony new authors. 
 
 North. You may say so, truly ; and I groan as well as my tabic. 
 Here's " The Renegade," however. Will that do, Odoherty ? 
 
 Oduherty. Yes, yes — any of them will do. You see, Hogg, the 
 noble author plunges us at once into the deepest interest of his tale. 
 An invading army of Saracens carries ruin and horror into the hills 
 of the Cevennes. A Princess, the heroine of the book, is driven 
 from her paternal halls — she flies with her vassals — the black flag 
 of Agobar floats awful on the breeze — all alarm, terror, dismay, 
 desolation — 
 
 Iloyg. That's real good. I'll begin my " Laziness," wi' an inva- 
 sion too. 
 
 Odoherty. Certainly — and now attend to this illustrious author's 
 style, tor it is that I wish you to copy, my dear Hogg. Hear this 
 passage, and thirst for geology. You understand that the descrip- 
 tion refers to a moment of the deepest and the most overwhelming 
 emotion — our Princess is in full flight, the hall of her ancestors bla/- 
 zing behind her — 
 
 " While the Princess, borne on her gentle palfrey, abandoned herself to these 
 sad tliouiihts, Lutevia, at a turn of the rock, a^^ain presented itself to lier view. 
 Lighted torches were seen to glance here and there upon the pUitfoinis of the 
 castle. These moving lights, the signal of some new event, aiiuoiiuced a tumi;U.- 
 uous agitation among the soldiery. The fatal bell again was heai'd. Ezilda eouid 
 doubt no longer tnat the Saracens had attacked the fortress. She immediately 
 struck into the depths of the mountains. The bright stars directed her march, us 
 she pursued an unfrequented load across uutrod rocks, and by the edires oi" pret - 
 pices. At every step Nature presented inexplicable horrors, produced by (lie 
 various revolutions which had acted upon thin region. In one place were seen 
 streams of baxaltic lava, thick beds of red pozzolanum, calcareous spars, and 
 gilded pyrites, thrown out by the numerous volcanoes. In another, strange con- 
 trast! the ravages of water had succeeded to those vi fire ; transparent ;Wr/7'/c- 
 duns, marine shells, sonorous congelations, sparkling scorice, and criistnllir.td 
 prisms, were mixed accidentally with the confused works of different regions. A.
 
 27S NOCTES AISIBKOSLYN^. 
 
 crater bail l)OCi)ino a lako ; an ancient boil of tlaino.*. a cascade ; tlie waves of the 
 ocean bail d.ivcn back the bla/iiiLj voleaiMt s, liail |)lacetl the pealis of mountains 
 vbere their bases baJ been, and had rolled pcle mile, zroliles and si/ices, ■■:iiulji-s 
 and cri/xia's, s'alactitrs and tripoli ! ! ! From a reversed cone covered with snow, 
 and wliich contained freezing springs, boiling waters spouted. In the dark ages, 
 it would have scenud that the two ten itie genii of devastation, fire and flood, 
 had coiitiuiied ; and as the mysteries of Providence put to f lult the leason of 
 the philosojther, these mysteries of nature embarrassed all the systems of the 
 learned. 
 
 " The heavens were covered with clouds, a small rain had begun to fall, and 
 each step had become more perilous ; the uarrow road cut in the rock seeuied to 
 oti'er only a succession of precipices. 
 
 '• Afier some hours' journey, the Princess approached a toricnt, whose waters 
 thundered between a double coUnirmdc of basaltic jtillars. At the bottom of a 
 glen, wliieh seemed almost inaccessible, the road eidarged. Upon a barren Hat, 
 surrounded by pointed rocks ami enormous calcareous stones, tiie virgin of Lutevia 
 perceived a sort of wild camp, lighted by scattered fii'es. Terror was ii stranger 
 to her soul, and believing tiiat she was covered by tiie buckler of the Loid, ami 
 that lier path thiough life was to be marked by frightful events, Ezilda was re- 
 signed to her stormy destiny ! ! !" 
 
 Hog(j. Oh man, that's awfu' grand ; thae lang words gie siccan an 
 air to the delineation, I dare say some o' the bonny words would 
 suit very well in my " Learning." Will you lend me the buik, Mr. 
 North ? 
 
 North. Say no more. The volumes are thhie own, 
 
 Hu(j(j. Thank ye kindly, sir. Od, I'll gut tiiis chiel or lang he. I 
 wonder what Gray will think of me ? But I'll easily bam him, noo 
 he's ower the water.* 
 
 Odohertij. Ay, here's another prime morceau, 'Tis a description, 
 you are to suppose, of a grotto where a love adventure goes on, 
 
 "This celebrated grotto was sunk in the base of a misshapen and rugged roek 
 Its peak had been a volcano; its arid summit, scorched by its eruptions, covered 
 with black lava, green schorl, metallic }nol/iculi,with calcined and OT7r?7(Vrf substances, 
 bore in every part the destructive marks oi fire ; while the sunken earth, the 
 schistous stones, the beds oi nntd, the irregular mixture of volcanic with marine 
 productions, and the regular piles of basaltic prisms, were evidences of the opera- 
 tion of contending elements^ 
 
 Hogg. " Evidences of the operations of contending elements !" It's 
 
 perfectly sublime. It dings Kilmeny — na, it clean dings her! 
 Nijrtli. Nil desperaiidum! Spout us a bit more, Odoherty. 
 Hogg. Speak weel out. Captain — gie yoursel breath, 
 Oduherty. Read yourself, Hogg ; there's a fine place, 
 Hogg. Na, wha ever saw the like o't — Ze-ze-ze-oleet — Montlos — 
 
 Girand — Sahiberry — berry. Ay, it's just Salaberry, Od, this is 
 
 worse than the Eleventh of Nehemiah. 
 
 Odahertg. Poo! You"re at the notes. Let me see the book again. 
 
 Did you ever describe a handsome fellow, Hogg ? Well, hear "how 
 
 • In Canada,.— M.
 
 HOGCf, " WATEKLOO." O-j-g 
 
 this virgin Prin''<'«'- here describes one she saw sleeping in his cwn 
 bed-room, to whion sne naa penetrated. " His chest," said she "his 
 chest half-bared, white as the marble of Paros, was like that of the 
 athletic Crotona. As vigorous as the Conqueror of the Minotaur as 
 colossal as the Grecian Ajax, as beautiful as the Antinous of the 
 Romans . 
 
 North. Stop, stop ; fold up the bedclothes again, if you please. 
 Upon my Avord, this is w^orse than Sophy Western and Mrs. Honour 
 about Tom Jones's broken arm. 
 
 Ho'ig. My gudeness ! This is just the book I wanted. Od, Til 
 come braw speed noo. 
 
 Odoherty. To be sure you will. But a man of your stamp should 
 not follow with any servile imitation. No — Admire D'Arlincourt, 
 but cease not to be Hogg. 
 
 Hogg, De'il a fears o' me ! 
 
 Odolierhj. If your heroine is to be woo'd about St. Leonards, be 
 sure you tuir. up Pinkerton, or Jameson, and tip us the Latin or 
 German names of all the different strata in that quarter. It will 
 have a fine, and, in Scotland at least, a )iovel effect. If she climi) Ar- 
 thur's Seat, tell us how the thermometer stood when she was kissed 
 at the top. If there is a shower on her wedding night, take a note 
 of the cubic inches that fell. If her petticoat be stained with green, 
 tip us the Linntean description of the grass. And if you are afraid 
 of going wrong in your science, Mr. Leslie will perhaps look over 
 the MS. for you. 
 
 Hogg. I'll send him a copy of the second edition ; but I'll let nae 
 Professors look at my manuscripts. Od ! I mind ower weel what 
 cam o' my Waterloo. 
 
 North. Your Waterloo ! God bless me. Did you help Mr. 
 Simpson,* then 1 
 
 Hogg. Ye're a' to seek. It wasna Jamie Simpson's book I had 
 aught to do wi', (although it was a very bonny bit bookie, too.) It 
 was a Waterloo o' mine ain, a poem I had written, and 1 sent it in 
 to Grieve ; and awheen o' them had a denner at Bill Young's, to read 
 it over, forsooth. And od ! heard you ever the like o' sic tinkler 
 loons 1 they brunt it bodily, and sent me a round-robin that it was 
 havers — mere havers. 
 
 Odohertij. Paltry, envious souls ! Insensate jealousy ! Despicn 
 ble spleen ' 
 
 North. KupaKEC w' 
 
 Anpavra yapvi./xci^ 
 AiOf TTiOi.g ccvida Of(.dv, 
 
 • James Simpson, an Edinburgh lawye', published an interesting account of }.!« visit to 
 Waterloo, in lala. In the lale editions'he gives some delightful recollections of Sir Waller 
 Scott.— M.
 
 2S0 KOCTES AMBROSIAN.E, 
 
 Hogg. Eh ! 
 
 iVorM. Grsecum est. 
 
 Oduherty. (Sings, accompanying himself on the trombone.) 
 
 1. 
 
 Greek and Latin 
 
 Will come pat in 
 Our Chaldean Shepherd's page. 
 
 With geology, 
 
 And petrohigy, 
 
 Saus apilogy, 
 He, he aJone 's boru to cram our age. (Ws.) 
 
 2. 
 
 'Tis he -will tickle ye 
 
 With Miilliculi, 
 Puuzzohmuin, Schorl, and Schist ; 
 
 'Tis he will bristle, 
 
 With ct)ue and crystal. 
 
 His shepherd's whistle 
 Is now, ill loathing and high scorn, disaiist. (W«,) 
 
 3. 
 
 Show your glory 
 
 In shells and scoriae ! 
 Pour your lava, drop your spar 1 
 
 With Stalactites, 
 
 And Pyrites, 
 
 And Zeolites, 
 Hogg now will make thee stare, prodigious Parr I {bis) 
 
 4. 
 
 ^\^len he prints it out, 
 
 The French Institute 
 "Will enrol one Scotchman more ; 
 
 How we'll caper, 
 
 When Supplement Napier,* 
 
 For a physical paper, 
 Bows low, nor bows in vain, by Altrive's shoro 1 {his!) 
 
 5. 
 
 Grasp your slate, sir, 
 
 S<"Hitch your pate, sir, 
 You must .-peak — the woild is dumb 1 
 
 Logic, Rhet'ric, 
 
 Clieinic, Metric, 
 
 Fresh from Ettrick, 
 With glorious roar, and deafning deluge come I (Z/u.) 
 
 Ilogg [much aj'ected). Gie me your hand, Captain. Oh, dear! 
 Oh, dear me ! 
 
 jS'vrih. Enough of this, boys. — What new book have you beeu 
 reading, Tickler ] 
 
 • AJacvejr Napier edited the Supplement to the Kncyclopisdi'. Britanciia.— iJ.
 
 UGO FOSCOLO. 281 
 
 Tickler. From Ilogp; to Foscolo the transition is easy. I have 
 been much gratified with Essays on Petrarch. 
 
 Odoherty. Fudgiolo's new affair ? 
 
 Tickler. He must now drop that title. 'Tis really a very elegant 
 volume, full of facts, full of fancy, full of feeling, — a very deiiglitful 
 book, certainly. 
 
 North. I glanced over it. There seemed to be a cursed deal of 
 Balaam, in the shape of Appendixes, and so forth. 
 
 Tickler. True enough. But there's sail enough to do even with 
 that quantity of ballast. 
 
 North. liave you seen a little volume about the Spanish afTuir, by 
 one Pecchio, a Carbon aro Count from Italy '? 
 
 Tickler. Not I, faith ; nor never will. 
 
 North. No, no, 'tis not worth your seeing. It is full of Blaquiere. 
 Edward Blaquiere, Esq. writes the preface, and puffs his excellency 
 Count Pecchio, and Count Pecchio repays Edward Blaquiere, Esq. 
 in the body of the book. It contains, however, and that's what 
 brought it to my recollection just now, some most eulogistic pages 
 about Ugo Eoscolo. Here is the book, however. — Kead for your- 
 self. — [Handing Pecchio.) 
 
 Tickler {as musim/.) Ay, my Jacopo Ortis ! and so this is the 
 way you go on, [readfi) " His cottage is isolated, but well furnislu'd. 
 A canal is near it, that looks like the troubled Lethe. One might 
 take our friend's abode for a hermitage, were it not for the two 
 PRETTY CHAMBERMAIDS that One obscrvcs moving about the pre 
 cincts." Two! — Yes, by Jupiter, 'tis so in the bond. Two! 0,yeGods! 
 
 Hogg. TwA hizzies ! — Less might serve him, I fancy. 
 
 Odoherty. Two ! Pretty well for the latitude of the Ptegent's 
 Park.* 
 
 Tickler. Well done, Mr. Last Words ! But these are your Zante 
 tricks. — " The isles of Greece ! the isles of Greece !" 
 
 North. Pooh, pooh ! Timothy, you're daft. I confess I regret that 
 ne should have been called Eudgiolo — for a man never finds it easy 
 to lose a nickname. 
 
 Odoherty. Of my making. 
 
 North. Sorrow on your impudence ! — You have cost many a 
 worthy body a sore heart, in your time, with your nicknames. 
 
 Odoherty. True, O King ! — King, live for ever ! 
 
 Hogg. That's just what I ay thocht. If Mr. North could g.*L 
 his ai'n gait, there would not be a better-natured book in a' the 
 world — it's just that lang-legged Adjutant tliat pits the deeviltries 
 intill't. 
 
 Odoherty. Hioicks! hioicks ?— but, after all, isn't it odd that 
 
 •Ugo Foscolo occupied what he called Di-Gamma Cottage, St. John's Wood. London. 
 InsUad of two pretty attendants, he had three sisters, all of them very handsome .— M.
 
 283 N0CTE3 AMBROSIAN^ 
 
 Reviews. 6zc., and all their wit, and all their malice, and all their 
 hvpooritieal pufling, are not able to produce the smallest elTect, good 
 or bad, upon the permanent reputation of any writer. 1 confess 1 
 wonder that this should be the case. 
 
 Xurth. 1 Confess I should wonder if it were the ease. 
 
 Odoherty. Aha ! by this craft he hath his living ! — but be honest 
 for once, Kit North, and tell me the name of that author that has 
 been permanently raised, or permanently depressed, beyond his 
 merits by our periodicals'? 
 
 North. Pennanently is a queer word. You think to g( t out by 
 that loophole. 
 
 Odoherti/. Why, do but think of things as they are. Does 
 Wordsworth stand a whit the lower, for having been a general 
 laughing-stock during twenty long years'? — Or does JeFrey stand 
 a whit the higher, for having been pulled during a period of about 
 equal extent. 
 
 North. It was I that brought up the one, and put down the other 
 of them. 
 
 Odoherty. Huzza ! A trumpeter wanted here ! W^hy, big fellow 
 as you think yourself, they would just have been where they are by 
 this time, although you had stayed in Barbadoes till this moment. 
 
 Ho<jg. Barbaudoes ! Was North in Barbaudoes ■? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, this man who now rules, and with no light rod, the 
 empire of European literature, consumed many years of his life 
 among the sugar plantations of the other hemisphere. He has been 
 a jack of all trades in his day. 
 
 North. Wait, man, he'll see it all in my autobiography — which, if 
 so please the fates, shall see the light 
 
 " Ere twelve times more yon star hath filled her horn." 
 
 Hoyg. ^Meaning me? — Od, I'll no be lang about twal tumblers, ii 
 that's a' the matter. 
 
 Odoherty. Ha ! ha ! honest Jemmy ! — But, to be serious, old boy, 
 who then is the man that hath been elevated % — who is he that hath 
 in this sort been depressed ? 
 
 North. Why, as I said before, you will creep out upon your '"'•per. 
 tnanently.^^ 
 
 Odoherty. And you may say that. The fact of the matter, or ut 
 cum Joscpho Icguar, " the tottle of the whole," is, that all the criti- 
 cism that has been written since the Flood, might just as well have 
 remained in non-existence. For example, does any one really dream 
 that there slumbers at this moment, on the shelves of the British 
 Museum, any real fellow whose works arc not known, and deserve 
 to be known 1 Has my friend D'Israeli, or any of that tribe, ever 
 been able to ferret out a long-concealed author of genius ? — No, no.
 
 PUFFING AND FAME. 283 
 
 Depend on't, my dear, there's no Swifl, nor Pope, nor Gibbon, nor 
 Smollet, nor Milton, nor Warbnrton, nor Dryden, nor any boijy 
 really worth being up to, but what all the world is >ip to. The criti 
 cal bowstring has been justly applied, or baffled — there is no third to 
 these two ways of it. 
 
 Tickler. I side with the Adjutant. And the longer things go on, 
 there will be but the more need for plying the cord tightly. No age 
 ever possessed, nor does ours for what I see, more than a very few 
 great ones ; and to sniother the small ones is but doing justice to 
 these and to the public. 
 
 Odoherty. Well said, Timothy. — If one looki round among our 
 periodicals, there is scarcely one of them that is not laboring away 
 to hoist up some heavy bottom. The Quarterly and the liiitisli 
 Critic tell us that Milinan is a mighty poet. The New Monthly 
 Magazine, and five or six inferior books, keep up a perpetual blast 
 about Barry Cornwall — Waugh winds his sultry horn for the glory 
 of Mrs. Hemans — Taylor and Hessey pound the public with Barton 
 and Allan Cunningham. 
 
 North. Well, and what do ye make of all this"? Is it not true, 
 that Mr. Milman is a very elegant and accomplished man, and that 
 he deserves to be lauded for his fine verses ? Is it not true, that 
 Barry Cornwall's dramatic scenes formed a delightful little book 1 
 and ought they to be quite forgotten, merely because he has written 
 three or four confounded trashy ones since ? Is it not true that Mrs. 
 Hemans is a woman of pretty feeling and writes sweetly ? — Is it 
 not true that Bernard Barton and Allan Cunningham are both of 
 them deserving of commendation % 
 
 Hogg. Hear ! hear ! 
 
 Odoherty. The question is not whether these people deserve some 
 praise, but whether they deserve the highest praise — for that is what 
 they get in the quarters I have indicated. And just to bring you up 
 with the curb, my dear, do you really suppose that any of these 
 names will exist anno eighteen hundred and forty-three ? 
 
 Hogg. The Forty-Three's a long look — heh, me ! we may a' be 
 ancath the moulds by that time.* 
 
 Tickler, {dejectedly.) The wicked shall cease from troubling — 
 
 Hogg, {ditto.) And all their works shall follow them — 
 
 Odoherty. Come, come; what's the fun of all this ? {Sings.) 
 
 1. 
 Time and we should swiftly pass ; 
 He the hour-ghiss, we the glass. — 
 Diiuk ! yon beam wliich sliines so bright 
 Soon will sink in starless night: 
 
 Tchorus, now, Tchorus — 
 
 • All -were, except Wilson, who died in 1854.— M.
 
 2S4 KOCTES AilBEOSIAN^ 
 
 Ere it sink, boys, ere it sink — 
 
 Drink it dim, boys 1 druik, driuk, drink ! 
 
 Driok, before it be too late — 
 
 Snatch ihe liour you may frum fate ; 
 
 Here al'ne true ■wis'lum lies. 
 
 To be merry "9 to be wise. — 
 
 Ere ye sink, b-iys — ere ye sink — 
 
 Driuk ye blind^ boys! drink, drink, drink I 
 
 {Much applause.) 
 
 Ni/rth. Odohorty, Odoherty ! I say you are an absolute bar to 
 business. AVhich of you will give rne an article on the last Number 
 of the Quarterly IJeview ? 
 
 HfMjij. I write in The Quarterly myself now and then, sae, if you 
 please. I would rather it fell to the Captain's hand. 
 
 Od'jherty. Well, I like that notion — as if I had not written in 
 every periodical under the sun, and would not do so if 1 pleased 
 to-morrow again. Why, open your gray gleamers. you Pig — you 
 shr)iild not be quite so obtuse at this time of day, I think — 
 
 Hogg. Whatna warks do you really contribute till. Captain? 
 
 Odohertij. 1 write politics in the Quarterly — Belles Lettres some- 
 times for the Edinburgh ; ditto, for the Monthly Review, (particu- 
 larly the Supplemental Numbers about f »reign Vjooks.) Divinity 
 for the British Critic — these are pretty regular jobs — but I also favor 
 now and then O^jlbum, Constable, Waugh, &c.. in their Magazines, 
 In point of Jact. I write for this or that periodical, according to the 
 state of my stomach or spirits, (which is the same thing,) when I sit 
 down. Am I flat — I tip my Grandmother a bit of prose. Am I 
 dunned into sourness — I cut up some deistical fellow fcjr the Quar- 
 terly. Am I yellow about the chops — do I sport what Crabbe calls 
 
 " The cool contemptuous smile 
 Of clever persons overcharged with bile ;" 
 
 Why, then, there's nothing for it but stirring up the fire, drawing a 
 cork, and EVjonizing — ainsi vn le monde ! 
 
 North. So, Principle, Mr. Odoherty, is entirely laid out of view ? 
 
 Odoherly. Not at all, not for the Bank of England, my dear fellow. 
 But what has Principle to do here ? no more than Principal Baird, 
 1 assure ye. Why. don't we all know that little Cruikshank did the 
 caricatures of the King for H<>ne, and those of the Queen for the 
 other party,* and who thought the less either of him or his carica- 
 tures? Are a man's five fingers not his own property? 
 
 North. JjdTiH sn pcau moiirrn le Reynurd. So vou seriously 
 think yourself entitled to play Whig the one day and Tory the next. 
 
 • He did uot.— M.
 
 THK QUAKTEKLT. 2S5 
 
 Gdoheriii. " Tros Tyriusque milii nuUo discriinine agetiir" — 
 
 Xorth. You talk en Suisse. 
 
 Oduherty. Ay, and as you know to your c-ost, old boy. Point 
 (Tariient, point de Suisse ! 
 
 H 'g<j. 1 dinna follow you vera wool, but I'm foared you're makino 
 a very shametul story of yourself, Captain Odwhi-rty." 
 
 Xorth {aside to Bogg.) My dear G.)rydon — he's only bamming us, 
 i believe. 
 
 Hogg. Oh I the neerdoweel I to bam Mr. North ! this boats a' ! 
 
 Odoherty. '"This beats York races, Donoaster fair, and Judges 
 come down to hang folks.'' 
 
 Xorth. Enough ! enough I — but once more to business, niv friends ! 
 what siiy you as to the Quarterly \ 
 
 Tickler. Tis certainly a first-rate Number, the best they have had 
 these three or four years ; but I don't see why i/uu should have an 
 article upon it. 
 
 North. I do see it, though. Sir, the Quarterly has done itself 
 immortal honor by that paper '• On the Opposition." I should wil- 
 lingly give something to know who wrote it. 
 
 Stickler. Why, 'tis well argned and well written ; but after all, 
 your own work had said the same things bet'ore, and perhaps as well. 
 
 J\'ori/i. No. indeed, sir. We had uttered the same sentiments and 
 opinions; but neither so wisely nor so well : the clear, quiet, mas- 
 terly exposure in that paper has not otien been rivalled. We have 
 had few things so good since Burke's pamphlets. Once more, 1 
 would like to know the author's name.* 
 
 JIo(/g. Can it be ^Ir. Canning ? 
 
 Nort/i. No. no ; it has neither his rhetoric nor his oratory : nor 
 has it the air of beinii written bv so old or so hiijh a statesman as 
 Canninji. 
 
 Tickler. Croker ? 
 
 North. Out again. It wants his rapidity and his viradi vis. Com- 
 pare it with the IViouuhts onlreUttid. Tlu-y, to be sure, were written 
 when he was very young, and the style has the faults of youth, in- 
 experience, and over imitation of Tacitus; but still one may see the 
 pace of the man's mind there ; and a very fiery pace it is. 
 
 Odohertti. I do not think it can be Gitlord's own handiwork. 
 
 Norih. \ would not swear that. It has much of the masculine de- 
 termined energy of Gitl'ord's mind ; and if it has none i^i the bad 
 jokes that used to figure in his diatribes, Ibr bitter bad some 
 of them were, why, such a man may very well be snppo->ed to have 
 discovered his own weak points by this time. Of lati , more's ihe 
 pity, his pen has not been very familiar to us even in the Kcview.f 
 
 • Dr. Maginn.— M. t Gifford retired from the Quarterly in It^M, and died in iej<« — M.
 
 28r» NOCTES AMBROSIAX.E. 
 
 Tickler. It will bo a groat loss to literature when he retires fiom 
 his Keviow. 1 wondor who is to succeed him. 
 
 North. 1 wish, with all my hoart, he had a successor worthy of 
 himsolf : a man iii^pirotl, liko him, in sjiito of all his dofocts, with a 
 true and deep reverence fur the old spirit of Enjilish loyalty and 
 Enirli>h ro!i','iun ; and. what will be even more difficult to match, 
 imbui'd witii a thoruuijh knuwledge of the old and <:onuine classics 
 of uur literature. I fear no young man will do ; and 1 know of no 
 old one likely to buckle to such a labor. Murray should look twice 
 ere he leap ; but perhaps Gitford himself may stand it out longer 
 than seems to bo generally expected. 
 
 Tickler. 1 hope so. After all, the Tories might find it almost as 
 diflicult to replace him, as the Whigs would find it to replace our 
 friend Jellrey. 
 
 North. Just so. The truth is, that both GiflTord and Jeflrey have 
 done many wrung things — the latter many hundreds, perhaps ; but 
 take them all in all, they are scholars and gentlemen, and literature 
 must number them among the bene meriti of her republic. Com- 
 pare them with the fry they have so long kept in the shade. 
 
 Hoqii (festili/.) Neither the tane nor the tither has said a word 
 abc.iit"" The Three Perils." 
 
 Odolierti/. Come, that's shabby, however. But cheer up ; I ■will 
 do you in both, ere three months be over, or my name's not Morgan. 
 
 North. L(^'d keep us! Does an old stager like the Shepherd feel 
 sore upon such points as these ? I profess 1 had no notion of it, or 
 1 should have buttered you with the thumb long ago myself 
 
 Hofjp. Praise is praise, an it be but frae a butcher's calland. 
 
 North. Elegant, Hogg ! How you would squeal if I put the knife 
 in your hide ! No jokes on me, my for/nose jmer. 
 
 Hoag. Dinna gloom that gait. Od ! I Mas na meaning ony 
 offence — 
 
 Tickler. Kiss and be friends. But, North, don't you wonder at the 
 Quarterly's taking no notice of the Spanish alliiirs? I confess I ex- 
 pected a paper on that subject, full of real information ; which, 
 indeed, we need not look for in any other quarter. 
 
 North. Wait a little. I suppose it will keep cool for a little, like 
 that dishing of O'Meara, 
 
 Odohertij. I give up my brother bog-trotter. lie is indeed dished. 
 
 Tickler. Ay, and yet I am not sure whether it be not Cobbott that 
 has given him the covp-de-orace. Did you see the Statesman's arti- 
 cle? No? — Well, then Cobbett just says the truth smack out.* 
 O'Meara may bother away with paragraphs till Dt)omsday. — He is 
 a gone man, until he denies the letters printed in the Quarterly. 
 
 • Cobbett wrote leiding articles, at that time, in Tlie Stat'ettnan, which soon went down M
 
 bDOK PTJFI'INO. 2S7 
 
 North. " Elegant O'Meara," indeed!— but if it 1,,. tnir that hr's 
 turned out of the menagerie, I suppose no more need he said of him 
 I'll tell you what is my opinion— the puff on that fellow in liie last 
 Edinburgh Review must now be making my friend J.-dVi-v f,.,-! as 
 sore as Dr. Phillpotts' letter itself. Uli ! sir, these are tlil; sort of 
 rubs that make a man bite the blood out of his nails.— IMiiJlpotts 
 calm, dignified, unanswerable smashing has done them niur,. harm 
 than any thing they had met with these many days, and tin-n ..n the 
 back of that conies this vile exposee. 
 
 Odoherty. My private opinion is, tliat O'Meara's book was got up 
 m a great measure as a puff on the Edinburgh Jieview. The art of 
 puffing has made great progress of late. Devil a book comes out 
 without some dirty buttering in it, either of you. North, or the Edin- 
 burgh, or the Quarterly, or some other periodical the author 
 wants to conciliate. Witness D'lsraeli buttering Gilford- Lord 
 John Russell buttering Tom Campbell — O'Meara' buttering John 
 Allen;* — and last not least, Billy llazlitt buttering you in the 
 Liberal. 
 
 North. Call you that buttering your friends? A shame on such 
 butter ! 
 
 Odolterty. What would you have? — The boys can't write three 
 pages without mentioning you. If that is not butter enough for you, 
 you must be ill to please. 
 
 Hogg. The captain's in the right. An author's aye commended 
 when he's kept before the public. That's what gars me pit up with 
 the jokes of some of you chields. 
 
 Oduhertij. Ditto. But the fact is, that the Cockneys are mad — 
 they can tell a hawk from a handsaw on other occasions ; but when- 
 ever the wind is North, due North, 'tis all up with them — out it 
 comes, the absolute slaver of insanity. You have much to answer 
 for. We shall hear of some tragedy among them one of these days. 
 
 North. Any thing but another Mirandola — say I. 
 
 Hogg. Hoot, hoot, ye're ower severe now, ]\Ir. North. The poor 
 lads had eneugh to do to gar the twa ends meet, and now ye've 
 rooked them clean out. If they were stout, braid-baeked chields like 
 the Captain and me, it wad be less matter, they could yoke to some 
 other thing; but the puir whitefaced tea-drinking billies, what's to 
 come o'them ? — I'm wae when I think o't. 
 
 Tickler. The parishes of Wapping and Clcrkenwell have good 
 actions against North — he must have raised their poor-rates cou 
 foundedly. 
 
 • John Allen travelled on the Continent, in 1802, as medical attendant and oinpanion. and 
 continued a hanper-on, a literary toad-eater at HoUaud House lor many yean. In IsU bd 
 \«ras elected Warden, and in lB'2U, I\Ia.«ter of Dulwich College. He contributed largely to the 
 E linhnrgh Review, and died in lfc43.— M.
 
 288 NOCTES AMBKOSIANJE. 
 
 Odoherty. Oh, dear ! — Slops won't come to so much. — I would 
 contract to corn and water them at sixpence a head per diem. 
 
 Hoqg. Wull ye put me in the schedule ?— Here's my thumb ! 
 
 Odohertij. You, you monster, you Cyclops, you Polyphemus! 
 why, you would swallow punidge enough to ruin me in a lurtnight : 
 l.ut iV vou'll part with three grinders to the Odontist's museum, I 
 •nav ci've you, as Mrs. Walkinshaw says, another interlocutor of tlio 
 Lord Ordinary. 
 
 North. Come, come, Hogg, take your revenge in your novel. I 
 liave seen some of the proof sheets, and I assure you I think it will 
 Juke to a hair. Indeed, my dear fullow, you cannot, if you would, 
 launrh any thing that will not have talent enough to swim it out. 
 L'^or my part, 1 liked the Perils of Man extremely well — rough, 
 toarse pieces, no doubt — but, on the whole, a free rapid narrative, 
 some eminently picturescpie descriptions, a great deal of good blunt 
 iiumor, and one or two scenes, which I wonder the play-wrights have 
 not laid }»aw upon long ere now. Indeed, I think the Devil, the eat- 
 ing Ploughman, the two Princesses, &c. &c., would all do capitally 
 on the stage. You should send a copy to Terry* or Murray. Mur- 
 rav, by the way, deserves much credit for his dramatization of Nigel. 
 
 Jloffg. lie's' a clever lad, ^Murray. I like him better than ony 
 ]>lay -actor they have. — He never gangs beyond Nature, and he never 
 buckles to ought but what he's up to. 
 
 Odoherty. Would all actors and all authors had wit to follow that 
 .•xamplel — There is really an immensity of quiet comic humor about 
 Murray — how good is his Jerry Hawthorn ! but he did wrong to 
 leave out Almacks in the East, and the Tread-mill — these were 
 absurd sacrilices to the squeamishness of the modern Athens — they 
 were, in fact, the best things in the original piece. f 
 
 North. I h(jbbled out one night to see the thing, but although the 
 acting was excellent, with the single exception of the row, the atVair 
 struck me as a confoundedly dull one — no incident, no story, no 
 character, — a precious heap of trash assuredly. 
 
 Tickler. Well, good acting is a jewel — Murray, with his bluff 
 humor, Calcraft, with his true gentlemanlike lightness, and Jones with 
 his inimitable knowing grin, made it go down with me sweetly. — 
 What do you think of Mr. VandenhofT] 
 
 Odoherty. No Vandal — but Y'oung has been here ! 
 
 North. Come, come, nobody starts with being a Y''oung. Eome 
 was not built in a day — link by link the mail is made — we must all 
 creep before we walk. 
 
 • Terry waj! then manager of the Ilaymarket Theatre in London, and Murray of the Ediu- 
 borfrh Theatre.— M. 
 t I'lerce Kgan i " Tom and Jerry." — M.
 
 KnTMTNO "ROSE. 280 
 
 Odohertij. You're as great in provoibs as Sanflio hirnsolf, I swo.-ir. 
 Why don't you write a rational bt)ok on tlicni ? Nuiliiiii: \v<»rtli 
 twopence in that way, since Erasmus's A<higia — all «.iii- Mn^li-li 
 books contrmi>tible — poor — imperfcet — Jul! — slnpid — and drToid 
 of all arrangcnicnt. As for D'lsraeli, he, as 1 said in n)y review of 
 him, knows nothing whatever of the subject ; for he (piotes, for jrrciit 
 rarities, a few of the most hackneyed ones in existence — old I'hi 
 tarchs, Joe Millers, and the like. 
 
 Xorlh. I admire no proverbs more than those Dean Swift used to 
 make (not to repeat.) 
 
 Odoherly. It would be a good thing to revive the nianuf;u:-turp, 
 and apply it to literary topics. 
 
 North. We shall see — what would you think of reviving Co\vpor'.«* 
 diyming prose* in the mean time? 1 think you might do tha'. 
 easily, Hogg, or you, Odoherty ; either of you have rhymes, (juil 
 knows, quautu7ii huff. 
 
 Hof/g. I fear 'twill be stuff — but let's try our hand 
 
 Odoherti/. On Peveril of the Peak 
 
 Hngg. The story's ill plann'd, and the foundation very weak ; yet, 
 begin where you please, 1 rather think you'll not stop — Great authors 
 like these may jump or hop, they may leap over years, in one 
 i.'hapter a score or more, yet no gap appears, one reads on as befjre ; 
 but if I or any other should follow after that great brother, skipping 
 and hipping, notching and botching, I rather apprehend my very best 
 friend woidd vote me a Bore. 
 
 Odoltertij. You need not feel sore although that should be the case, 
 I make bold, my dear Jamie, to tell ye the truth to your face, there's 
 something so sweet, and so melhjw, and so little of the air of being 
 got up, about the style of that right fellow, that whatever he touches 
 pleases everybody, male and female, from Grizzy to tlie Duchess, 
 from the porter to the peer ; and, this is what's so queer, all's one 
 whether he describe King Charles or King Charles's little pet pup, or 
 beer foaming in a night cellar's barrels, <jr muscat wine sparkling in 
 a jewell'd cap — high or low, with him we go ; no affectation, no 
 botheration, sound sense, a high feeling for honor and arms, a heart 
 
 * A few years later, this rhyming prose was actually revived, and by no less an author than 
 D'l.-raeli, in his " Wondrous Tale of Alroy." However, he did not make very much use of it. 
 In May, ls:W, Maginn, who wrote nearly all the letter-press to the ''Gallery of Literary 
 Characters'' in Fraatr^s Magazine, (the etched portra Is were by Daniel Alaclise. then a young 
 Irish artist rising into celebrity, and now one of the first painters in Kurope.) hit olf tin* 
 rhyming prn-e very neatly. The sketch thus commenced: " O Reader dear 1 do pray lool» here. 
 and you will spy the curly hair, and forehead hire, and nose so high, and gleamir.j; eye, ■•( 
 Benjamin D'is-fiie-li, the wondrous hoy who u rote Alroy in rhyme and pro>e. onlylo show 
 how long ago victorious Judah's lion-banner rose." It is a» easy to write this as to write 
 pro.<e. :is any one can ascert lin who will make the experiment. Maginn could talk jn this 
 rhyme.' prose for half an hourataiime, without ever jiausing for a word or rhyme. I \w:t 
 no douU that the next few pages, in which continuous examples are given, a-e wrilien \>j 
 Mayinn — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 21
 
 290 NOCTES A>n5ROSfAN^. 
 
 that tho l)lack eye of a pretty jiirl warms, c;ontly and gaily, but noviT 
 un^u-ntalv. a j>a\vky glaiioe "into cvcrytliiiig mean, yet somehow or 
 other a loftiness of'spirit that never eeascs to be felt and seen ; these 
 are the qualities, by whieh he eoiitrives to make all the rest vi' your 
 tribe l(.ok bke nullities, and by whieh — no ollenee, for you must not 
 be disappointed of your rhyme, though it comes a little disjointed — 
 he cuntrivL's, thanks' to his long nob, to draw into his own fob such a 
 noble shower of pounds, shillings and pence. 
 
 Jlii'jf/. 1 wish out of his next book, for which I suppose «e may 
 soon l)ei:in to look, he would be so kind as to pay down what I owe 
 to the Duke, and also to the Crown, for rents and taxes and so forth; 
 or voii. whv won't you do the same good turn for me, Mr. North 1 
 
 A'ori/i. If I were you. Dear Jem, when money becume due to 
 thcin. I would instantly take my pen and compose an ode; they 
 never would dun you again, if your verses flowed, as I think they 
 would, easy and good, and sweet and pleasant, as your prose does at 
 present ; but as for me, my dear honey — as for me pacing down money, 
 for vou or any other pastoral poet, I must have ye to know it, the 
 idea's quite absurd — I won't do it, upon my word — I am not so 
 groen. — In point of fact, I have entered into a compact, (with myself, 
 I mean) to keep all my cash, making no sort of dash, buying neither 
 pictures nor j)late, nor a Poyais estate ; eating nothing better than 
 plain veals and muttons, and drinking nothing better than simple 
 claret and champagne ; dressing up my old coats with new collars and 
 buttons ; and, in a word, cutting all expenses that are foolish and vain, 
 antl driving on with the old phaeton, the old horses, and the old pos- 
 tilion ; in short, maintaining the most rigid economy, until it be uni- 
 versally known o' me, that 1 am fairly worth my cool million. "When 
 that is done, there will be something new seen under the sun ; for 
 ril let nobody then call me a niggard, but mount everything in 
 the grandest style, that was ever seen in this part of the isle, show- 
 ing t)ir, whoever may scoff, like a second Sir Gregor ^lacgregor.* 
 
 Hogfj. 1 suppose you speak of his highness the Cazique : but, 
 after all, what could he have expected, if he had but recollected, 
 that ever since the reign of Canmore was ended, the clan of might 
 and main from which that potentate is descended, have condescended 
 to patronize as their favorite air, that fine old pibroch, " Pacck- 
 hundsaidh gu bair." 
 
 • This wa< a Scotchman, tsho declared, during the South American contest for independence, 
 thai h«- ha.l received the grant of a Province calied I'oyais, with the title of Cacique. He 
 created himself baronet, by the title of Sir tjrefjor MacGrejor — proclaimi d that he liad a richt 
 to confer titles of nobility in I'oyais— instituted an Order ol Knighthood, of which he wai 
 Gmnil Mailer— inviteil adventurers to fiyht under liis banner — wore the dress of a General 
 tlli.er. pri-en, with fjC'ld enibri'idery — succeeded in making up ''the Poyais Legion," promis- 
 ing ;;ranl» uf land to all who joined hiin— took his dupes over to I'oyais. where most I'f them 
 permlied, most miserably, of want and ollit'r discoraforis — and, in a word, m,\de many dupei. — 
 ll« wai nn impudent and successful cliarlatan. — M.
 
 CIIKISTOniEK A CACIQUE. 201 
 
 ( Siiiffs.) 
 
 () ne'er such a race was, as there in that place waa 
 
 And there ne'er such a chase was at a', man ; 
 Fri>in ilk other they lun, all willmut tUfk o' drum — 
 Deil a body nimlo use (if a paw, man ; 
 
 And we ran, and they ran, 
 And they ran, and we ran. 
 But wha wast run fiistest of a', man ? 
 
 \Vhether they ran, or we ran, or wc wan, or tliey wan, 
 
 Or if there was winning at a' man, 
 There's no man can tell, save our brave general, 
 
 Wha first began running of a', man ; 
 And we ran, <J-« 
 
 North. When I am a king, which, after all, is a sort of a thing, 
 (to speak with civility,) that in these days of pudding and [)raise, 
 nobody will call a mere impossibility — Well, when 1 am a King, 
 like his Majesty Gregor, lesser or bigger, the very first thing that 
 I will do, will be to send home a ship, inviting yon, I mean James 
 Hogg, you comical dog, to make a trip, and you also, Sir En- 
 sign, you rip — all the way out to my realms, you shall sip, you two 
 schlems, grog and flip; and whenever you arrive, as sure as I'm 
 alive, I'll come down to the shore, with my princes and peers, and 
 the cannon shall roar, and we'll give you three cheers. But a^s for 
 }ou, Morgan, ere you're well in the bay, you will hear the church 
 organ sounding away, and we'll lead you at once, all rigged out 
 for the nonce, to the highest altar, to be noosed in Hymen's halter ; 
 for so great is my regard, my richest prettiest little ward, whether 
 Duchess or Caziquess, you need look for nothing less, as sure as 
 my name's King Christopher, it is you shall have the fist of her. 
 But for you, Jamie Hogg, don't think to come incoff — you shall 
 have a butt of sherry, to make your heart merry — a grand golden 
 chain, to wear over your maud — and the Lords of my train shall 
 shout and applaud, crying Christopher ^o/-e«/, el sus smis Laureate ! — 
 With Odoherty for my field-marshal, and Tickler for my premier, 
 ] think, but I may be partial, things will go on airer and jemmier — 
 and Blackwood will come out to be my bookseller, no doubt; 
 he shall have the completest of monopolies in my metropolis, for 
 we'll sufier nobody to squint at any thing that's in print, unless 
 it drop from his transatlantic shop ; and the Magazine will in lieu 
 of a Queen amuse the leisure hours of me and my powers ; and 
 with all these alliances, aids and appliances, I don't think 1 need 
 speak either modester or meeker, why, if Macgregor 's Cjizique, 
 1 shall rank as Caziquer.
 
 »J0O NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Hong. Will you be a despot, though ? 
 
 North. Let me see — no — no — no — too much trouble — but no 
 sedition \\ithiii the h.-umls of ;«// bubble, bistant perdition shall 
 Tall on .lo>ei.li Iliuiie, if he dares to come out Disalfeetion to illume, 
 to move for anv papers, or stir uj. any rows about tithe-pigs or seal- 
 ing-wax or my'magazinish spouse, wh..m, though she be spotless as 
 unsunned snow, I would have you, and all the Bub1)lish Nation to 
 know. I will discard whenever I please, sirs, cutting your heads off if 
 vou sneeze, sirs. 
 
 Oduherhj. 1 envy not your pomp, 1 envy Hogg ! {Siuffs.) 
 
 II. .w liiippy a state -will two poets possess, 
 Wln'U Ho^'g lias liis wreiith, 1 my rich Ciiziquess; 
 Oil tlie wife ami the Muse we'll depend for support, 
 Ami eiiiiire. without shame, at great Christopher's court. 
 What though Hogg iu ii maud ami gray breeches does go, 
 He will soou be bepowilered aud strut like a beau; 
 Ou a laureate like him, 'twou't be goiug too far, 
 To bestow, miglity monarch, St. Christopher's Star. 
 
 North. On the wings of imagination, I now overfly time and space; 
 behold me exercising the kingly vocation among the mighty Bubblish 
 race — in my mind's eye, here am I, this is my court, and you the 
 potent nobles that resort to do me honneur aud hojinnaije in the hopes 
 of fricasspe and frommaffe, wherein if I disappoint you fjrande dom- 
 inaric : — Great Shepherd, kneel — thy shoulder-blade shall feel, ere 
 long, tlie weight of my cold steel, in reward for thy song ! 
 
 Odohcrtij. Come, Ilogg, — mind your eye, tip us something a la. 
 Pye.* e* 
 
 North. I flirgot to observe, that from customary modesty not to 
 swerve, and preferring to imitate your old Bourbon or Guelf, to any 
 Macgregor or Iturbide that may be laid ere a week's over on the 
 shelf. I shall christen the chief of knightly orders established within 
 my borders, by the name of a worthy that is now dead, whose good 
 looking old-fashioned head has served me in good stead, being always 
 dis])layed on my ^lagazines' backs, to the horror of all Whiggish 
 clainjamphrey, Jeremybenthamites, and Cockney hacks. 
 
 i^Odoherty whispers for some time to Hofin^ and then rising, picks 
 out a volume of the Right Hon. the Lord Byron.') 
 
 Tickler. What's all this mummery ? Let your proceedings be 
 more summary — I'm tired of such flummery. 
 
 * Hpnrv .lames Pye wns the Poet Tiaureate, -viho immeiliitely precedeJ Southey. and irai 
 born in 174.'>. appointeil Laureate in 17'J0, made London police Masi.;:r.ite in l/iJJ, iind difd in 
 ibl3. He wrote a great many bad verses : — the best known bejng an epic, called '' Alfred." — M.
 
 GEORGE BUCHANAN. 
 
 293 
 
 Joker ti/ [reads.) 
 
 ON THE STAR OF "THE I.ECaON OF HONOR." 
 
 {From the French.) 
 
 St.ir of tlie bi-iivi; ! — whose beam hath 
 
 shell 
 Such gloi-y o'er the quick and dead — 
 Thou ladiatit and adored deceit, 
 Wliich iniUioii? i-ush'd in arms to greet ! 
 Wild meteor of immortal birth. 
 Why rise in Heaven to set ou earth ! 
 
 Souls of slain heroes form'd thy rays ; 
 Eternity flushed thi-ough thy blaze I 
 The niusio of thv martial sphere 
 Was fame on high and lionor here; 
 And thy light bioke ou human eyes, 
 Like a volcano of the skies. 
 
 Like lava roll'd thy stream of flood, 
 And swept down empires with its blood; 
 Earth rocked beneath thee to her base. 
 As thou didst lighten through all space ; 
 And the shorn sun grew dim iu air. 
 And set while thou wert dwelling there. 
 
 Before thee rose, and with thee grew, 
 
 A Rainbow of the loveliest hue. 
 
 Of three bright colors,:): each divine, 
 
 And fit fo)- tiiat celestial sign; 
 
 'R'or Fieedom's hand had blended them 
 
 Like tints in an immortal gem. 
 
 One tint was of the sunbeam's dyes. 
 One, the blue depth of Seraph's eyes, 
 One. the pure Spirit's veil of white 
 Had robed in I'adiauce of its light; 
 The thi'ee so mingled, did beseem 
 The texture of a heavenly dieam 
 
 Star of the brave 1 thy i-ay is pale. 
 And daikness must again prevail! 
 But oh! thou Rainbow of the free! 
 Our tears and blood must flow for thee. 
 
 Hopg [extemporizes.) 
 
 ON THE lir.AD OF GEORGE BUCHANAN. 
 
 {From the Chaldee.) 
 
 Head ok tue Sage! whose mug bus 
 
 shed 
 Such jollity o'er quick and dead — 
 O'er that Ijright tome presiding hi^h, 
 Which MILLIONS rush each nioiitii to huy 
 That meteor of immortal birth ! 
 Read rather more than " Heaven and 
 
 Earth."* 
 
 Limbs of torn authors form its rays; 
 Eternity attends its praise ; 
 The mu^ic of its partial puff 
 Gives fame and honor f/uaiitum suff. 
 And its fist darkens hostile eves, 
 Like Raudalf hammering for a prize. 
 
 Like lava, it in wrathful mood 
 
 Swept down Hunt's kingdoms with its 
 
 flood : 
 
 Leigh bow'd before it, looking base, 
 And wiped the spittle from his face; 
 And Hazlitt's nose burnt dim for care, 
 Spite of the purple dwelling there. 
 
 Behind thee rose, behind thee grew 
 
 A Rainbow of the liveliest hue. 
 
 Of three bright fellows, each divine. 
 
 And fit at Ambrose's to dine : 
 
 For Humbug's hand h^fj blended them 
 
 Much hke thiee posies on a stem. 
 
 One loves to sport the rose of red.S^ 
 One, the rough thistle's bui'ly liead, 
 One — he of Ireland's modest mien — 
 Is deek'd out with the siianiroek green 
 The three so mingled, do beseem 
 The texture of a heavenly dream. 
 
 Head of the Sage ! thy own old boncsj 
 Lie snug beneatii Greyfriars stones. 
 But, oh! thou RaiMl>>w of the three I 
 North— Tickler— and Odoherty I 
 
 * A poerri'ty the Rifiht Hon. the Lord Byron.— C. N. t Randal, ii prize-fighter— M 
 
 t The tri-color.— C. N. , , • 
 
 $ It is not, perhaps, generally known, that Tickler's family was originally English. It i« 
 
 supposed that they lived at the South>ide in the days of Edw.ird I., who was himself a 
 
 Tickler.— C. N. 
 
 II To the disgrace of the city of Edirburph, and indeed of all Scotland, no stone mark* 
 
 where the mort'al remains of her greatest scholar— the wit, the poet, the historian ; thi- son. of 
 
 whom she, perhaps, has most reason to be proud, 5ire depr^sited. Should not this be correctcil 
 
 It certainly should.— C. N. [It has not yet been corrected.— M]
 
 204 
 
 NOCIES A^njROSIAN^. 
 
 Wlu-n thy briylit promise fades away, 
 Our life is but a loail of clay. 
 
 Ami Frofilom liallows with lier tread 
 'J'Ik- sileiit citio* of tlu- dvad ; 
 Fi'i- Ix'autiful in death are they 
 Who prou ily fall in her array — 
 Aud soon, t>h. Goddess ! may we be 
 Fur evermore with them or thee 1 
 
 Were thy bri^t look to j^xde away, 
 Our life were but a load of hay. 
 
 Seorn hallows with a hearts- kick, 
 Tlie duiiih jicisteiiors of Sir Dick ;* 
 And be.uitiful, hut dead, Ave doom 
 Tom Campbell's mess of curds and 
 
 cream ; 
 And soon, 0, Taylor ! will it be 
 A match in Balaam evu for thee! 
 
 {^Hogg kneels, a solemn air is heard from Odohertips trombone. 
 Tickler, with dignitij, hands the poker to Mr. North ; while 
 it is descending slou'ly toivards the Shepherd''s shoulder, the 
 curtain is dropt down very gradually upon the dramatis per- 
 sonce, who form a perfect picture.) 
 
 • Sir Richard Phillips, editor oi the Monthly Magazine. — SL
 
 No. VIIL— MAY, 1823. 
 
 Present — Ettrick Shepherd, Cliairman ; Kempferhausen, Crou- 
 pier ; Tickler, Odoiierty, Dr. Mullion, &c. 
 
 SCEXE— ^^/ie Chaldee Chamber— Table as it should he. 
 
 Time— rew P. M. 
 
 Kempferhausen. Ah, meiu Gott ! what for a barbarian ! And yoii 
 came to town ou purpose ? 
 
 Hogg. Deed did I, Lad. And what for no ? I aye come in when 
 there's ony thing o' the kind gaun forrit. 
 
 Kempferhausen. O shocking ! you really horrify me ! You hke to 
 <ee such tilings ? You really tind a pleasure in them ? 
 
 Hogg. Pleasure here, pleasure there, I cannot bide away from a 
 liangin' — I tell you plainly that I think it's worth a' the Tragedy Plays 
 that ever were acted — I like to be gai'red to grue. 
 
 Odoherty. And of course a female exit is the more piquant — how 
 did the old lady go otf then ? 
 
 Hogg. Were you no there. Ensign ? Odd, I thought I heard your 
 cough in the crowd. You were there, you deceiver — you were — you 
 were not the length of a cart-tram ahint mysel. 
 
 Kempferhausen. O, Mr, Oduherty, you too ! 
 
 Tickler. Pooh, pooh ! Odoherty went to get materials for an article 
 — he has promised Ebony a series of Hor^ Patibulan^, and they will 
 be taking papers I believe, after all. 
 
 Hogg. I think I could contribute to that series mysel. Odd ! I've 
 seen a matter of fifty hangings in my time. 
 
 Odoherty. Fifty ! why^ Hogg, you're old enough to be my grand- 
 father — and yet Pve seen three times that number myself — besides 
 plenty of shootings, and all manner of outlandish doings — guillutine 
 ■ — sword — axe 
 
 Hogg. I wad gang a lang gait to see a beheading. A beheading 
 for my siller — it's clear afore ony other way. 
 
 Odoherty. Genteeler, I confess — but otherwise so so ; and as for the 
 matter of cleanliness, your cord is certainly the very jewel of them all 
 for that. Why, Hogg, I've seen half the breadth of a street smeared
 
 20G XOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 over with one fellow's claret ; and then the assistants trundling in a 
 wheelbarrow of saw-dust, and all that sort of thing — is disgusting, and 
 aj»t to spoil one's breiikfast. 
 
 JIo/;/. Weel, I never saw ouybody gang aff e:usier than Lucky 
 M'Kinn.jn — I keepit luy ee upon her, and she never made ae single 
 steer either wi' foot or hand. She was very easy, poor woman. 
 
 Dr. MuUion. Just a stroke of apoplexy — nothing more. 
 
 OJo/icrti/. You are right, I believe, and that after all is the best way 
 it can operate. 
 
 iJr. .]f tell ion. In former times, when the poor devil had to leap from 
 u ladder, he mio-ht go up two or three steps higher and make such a 
 sprinor that he w;is sure of breaking his spine ; but now-a-days the fall 
 is sc> short and so perpendicular, that they all die of apoplexy or stran- 
 gulation — which last is bad. 
 
 Odohcrli/. What did your friend !'.:oJie die of,* Mr. Tickler ? 
 
 Tickler. Apople.xy, I suppose. His fk-e was as black as ray hat. 
 
 Hoi^f'j. Lucky M'Kinnon's bonny face was black too, they were saying. 
 
 Dr. Mullion. Yes, " black, but comely." I saw her a day or two 
 afterwards — very like the print. 
 
 Tkk'h'r. Those infernal idiots, the Phrenologists, have been kicking 
 up a dust about her skull, too, it appears. Will those fellows take nc 
 hint ? 
 
 Odoherty. They take a hint ! Why, you might as well preach tc 
 the Jumpers, or tJie ILirmonists, or any other set of stupid fanatics. 
 Don't let me hear them mentioned again. 
 
 Dr. Malllon. They have survived the turuip. W^hat more can be 
 said \ 
 
 Hoyg. The turnip, Doctor? 
 
 Dr. Mullion. You haven't heard of it then ? I thoujjht all th( 
 world had. You must know, however, that a certain ingenious person 
 of this town lately met with a turnip of more than common foziness in 
 his held — he made a cast of it, clapped it to the cast of somebody's 
 face, and sent the composition to the Phrenological, with his compli- 
 ments, as a facsimile of the head of a celebrated Swede, hy name Pro- 
 fessor Tornhippson. They bit — a committee was appointed — a report 
 was drawn up — and the whole character of the professor was soon 
 made out as completely secundem artem, as Uaggart's had been under 
 the same happy auspices a little before. In a word, they found out 
 that the illustrious Dr. Tornhippson had been distinguished for his lu- 
 habitiveness, Constructiveness, Philoprogenitiveness, &c. — nay, even 
 for " Tune," ^' Ideality," and " Veneration." 
 
 • Brodie, who was a Deacon, invented the drop, (for execution,) and was the first who per- 
 ished by it. So with the K;irl of Morton, who constructed the instrument of decapitation called 
 Tlie Ma'den. Dr. (juillotiii, wlio improved on tliis, did not fall a victim of his ingenuiiy, ui 
 Ims been reported, but survived until 1S14. — M.
 
 QUENTEN DURWARD. 097 
 
 Odvhcrty. I fear tliey have heard of the hoax, and cancelled that 
 ohcet of their Transactions. What a pity ! 
 
 JIo;i<i. Iloh! lioli! hoh ! Tlie organization of a fozy turnip I IIoli I 
 hoh I lich ! huh ! the like o' that ! The Swedish turnip — the celebrated 
 Swede ! 
 
 Odoherty. LeGlorieux himself never carried through a better nui/j:. 
 The whole thing is perfect — Fait Ilium! — Tlie worst of the wlmie 
 was, that a couple of the leading members had been disputiiirr rather 
 keenly, which of their own two organizations bore the greater resem- 
 blance to that of the enlightened defunct. 
 
 Tickler. Name, name. 
 
 JIo(/f/. Wha were the twa saps? Name them, name them. 
 
 Odoucrtij. No, I shall spare their names ; for I hear your New Novel 
 IS to be a deuced personal thing, and you would perhaps introduce 
 them. 
 
 Hof/g. Here's my hand. 
 
 Odohertij. Tush, tush. I'll tell you no more, but that the one of 
 them belongs to the Stot's establishment, and the other jobs occasion- 
 ally in the balaam line for the Crany Review.* Really, tliey're not 
 worth your libelling them, kind Shepherd. 
 
 IL>(j<l. We'll see — we'll see. 
 
 Tickler. And is it really to be a personal work, Hogg ? 
 
 Ihrjcf. It sets you weel, hinnay — but ha' done, ha' done. Ye'll a* 
 read and judge for yourselves in the course of a week or twa ; for, now 
 that Quentiu Durward's out o' his hands, Ballantyne will surely skelp 
 on wi' me. His presses have been a' sae thrang this while, that J 
 havena gotten abooii half the third volume set up. But I'll spur up 
 the lad, noo. De'il mean him, I think he's no blate to keep me taiglin 
 fur ouy Quentin Durward that ever came out o' Glenhoulakin. 
 
 Tickler. Come now, Hogg, confess that Quentin Durward is a fine, 
 a noble, a glorious thing. 
 
 Hogg. Wait a wee. 
 
 Oduhertij. As your work is still in secretin, of course we can't insti- 
 tute any comi)arisons — but I, for one, shall say honestly, that I look 
 upon Quentin Durward as the very best thing that has come out since 
 Old Mortality. 
 
 Hogg. Ay, man ? and div ye really think sae in earnest ? Weel. 
 
 I cannot but confess it, I'm muckle of the same opinion mysell, iK'tween 
 friends. It's clean afore Peveril — ay, and Needgill too— clean afore 
 them. 
 
 Tickler. It has all the novelty of atK>thpr Ivanhoe — and yet all (he 
 ease and lightness of another Guy Mannering — and by the way, ih>\i[r, 
 the' author seems to be as fond of hanging-matches as yourself—what 
 
 • The Scotsman newspaper and the Pkrcnohgical lieview.—M.
 
 29S NOCTES A^fBROSIxVN^. 
 
 capital cbarac'lei-s those two ladder boys are — and then their nevei 
 stinini; without rope and pulley, any more than a parson without a 
 corksirrew ! 
 
 y/wf/'/. (Jleg chioKl.s taith. Ad! my llosh cieepit -whenever lliev 
 c;iiu oil the boards — I just thought I saw the rape dangliuc: in the 
 wind before my very eea. Yon tinkler Moograbbin — what a devil of 
 a spurliuo-yon daur-the-mischief would niak I I think 1 see him lUing 
 
 all". 
 
 Odoherty. Your imagination is lively, good Shepherd. Have you 
 introduced anv similar scenes in your work? 
 
 Jf(>'i(f. Ilaf lad — wait a wee, again — pumping, pumping! 
 
 Odoherti/. You seem to think everybody is on the qui vive for your 
 bundle of balaam. 
 
 Ilofiq. Balaam? Gude have mercy on us! he's ca'in't balaam or 
 e'er its out! 
 
 MuU'ion. Well, that's not so bad after all, as calling it balaam after 
 it is out : which, however, I am sure nobody wmU do; at least, nobody 
 but the Sumdard-bearer. 
 
 Hoijg. And his tongue's nae scandal, Doctor — Od ! every thing's 
 balaam wi' him, amaist. He ca'd the Brownie of Bodsbeck balaiim, 
 and yet it gaed through three editions. 
 
 Odoherty. Three editions ? Are you serious ? 
 
 llofjil. Dead serious — Od ! does a new title not make a new edi- 
 tion ? — If ve deny that, I'll hae ye afore The Three, and see how you'll 
 like shooliu out your gowd, but to be sure your brass is mair plenty, 
 my man. 
 
 Odoherty. Mr. Hogg, you and the Author of Waverley are begin- 
 ning to give yourselves a confounded deal of airs upon your cash. I 
 don't see what he had to do with blowing such a trumpet about his 
 beeves, and muttons, and so forth, in that introduction of his. As 
 for his sneers about garreteers, and chops, and Grub Street, I hope the 
 gentlemen of the press will take the illiberality as it deserves. Upon 
 lionor, I don't think it was worthy of the Great Unknown to take such 
 a tliiig at the innocent misfortunes of a set of gentlemen, who have 
 all of ihem done their best to please the public — which is more than 
 I oj»ine any body will venture to say for him. 
 
 Jloyg. Come, come, Captain Odoherty, what's your drift? — Do you 
 mean to say that I am a gentleman of the press, sir ? 
 
 Odoherty. Much may be said on both sides — but, however, yoi: 
 have beeves and muttons enough, I suppose, as well as Peveril ; and 
 yuu iloij't live in Grub Street. 
 
 lloyg. I live in as decent a place as yoursell. Captain. I put up at 
 Miickav's* noo, when I'm in town' — tis a verv comfoitable house, 'and 
 I can gang into the traveller's room, and get } leasant company wheu- 
 
 • Mack27'8 Uotel, Prince's Street, Edinburgh.— M.
 
 BEKANGER, Of).) 
 
 ever my fingers are dinnled \vi' driving the pen. An<l I'm u' in (1„> 
 heart o' business too— Mr. Constable's grand new sheep's just foriu-ni 
 my window— Mr. l^.Iackwood's no a liap-stap-and-lowp aiu.iist farrer 
 west — and Ballantyne's deevils, thc^y can (toiiK; jinking bade and for- 
 • rit in no time by the playhouse stairs — ;ind Ambrose's Ikjic I can 
 skelp ower, if it were a perfect steep, without weeting my shoon. 
 
 Odoherti/. Your top-boots you nn-aii — but 1 beg your pardon, von 
 are as sore about the boots as old I'hilip of Argcuton himself. 1 U-' 
 your paidon, good Monsieur Bete-bottee, ° 
 
 Hogy. You needna be moushying me. I ken naething ava about 
 your pavleyvouzing system — that's my apothegm. 
 
 Ouoherty. Hogg, I think I have heard you say, that you sometimes 
 find things take m the ratio of their unintelligibility. 
 
 Horfg. AVhat's that now ? 
 
 OdoherUj. I mean to say, that you think people are at times best 
 pleased with what they can't make neither head nor tail of. 
 
 Hogg. 'Tis as tiue a word as ever came out of a fause loon's cheese- 
 trap. I aye tliocht weel of the non-comprehensible system — and 
 thei'e's a lang-nebbit word for you too, my braw Captain. 
 
 Odohertg. Well then, just to please Hogg, Gentlemen of the Press, 
 I shall tip the company a French chanson — new — original — unpub- 
 lished — fresh from the pen of my good friend Berauger — the very 
 last thing Berano-er has done. 
 
 Tickler. Ha! I've seen very little of his works, — they say he's the 
 Tommy Mooie of France.* 
 
 Odohertg. Why, he wants Tommy's delicacy and bright fancy ; but 
 then lie perhaps has more spirit with him than Tommy. He has 
 written some abominable things in the licentious way ; but so, to be 
 sure, lias Tora Moore. 
 
 Tickler. Ah ! but has he repented, or at least refrained, like your 
 amiable countryman ? 
 
 Odohertg. I don't wish to chatter about humbugs just now. 1 
 shall give you the chanson I spoke of, and you will see, that it at 
 least is as pure as if Hogg himself had indited the goodly matter. 
 
 Tickler. Ihe Edinburgh Reviewers, I think, say, that Boranger is 
 " the Poet of the People." Is he so very popular then ? 
 
 Odohertg. Popular he is ; but not with the Peojjle, nor is he the 
 least in their line. So far from that indeed, that he is far too deep in 
 
 * E'jranger, the gi-eatest song-writer France ever had, was born in ITSO. The brilliant suc- 
 cesses of Fj ance, under young Uonaparte, excited him into composition, and no man did more 
 lor tlie nationality of Frenchmen, lie did not flatter Napoleon even in the fulnes.i of his 
 power When the Bourbons returned — forgetting nothing and having learned nothing — he 
 sang the strains of Freedom. For this he was prosecuteci, fined, and confiiiL-d. Under Louis 
 Philippe he did not fare much better. The Revolution of 184S brought the ohi poet into public 
 lif;, and he was elected a member of the National Assembly — but Age and the Song had stronger 
 claims than Politics, and he gladly returned to private life. He lives at Passy, near Paris, in 
 lionorable and happy retirement. — M.
 
 t-^OO NOCTES AMBKOSLVN^. 
 
 his allusions for llie worshipful Reviewers themselves, seeing that they 
 quoted as a specimen of a "Poet of the People," a verse with a most 
 indecent allusion, touching the Jesuits — the which, it is right manifest, 
 neither the critic himself, nor tlie editor, could have undeistood. 
 
 Ilo'in. Vou mav be sure, the lads just acted upon my principle. 
 
 Oduherty. ^^'ell, I wish they would act upon your principle only 
 concerninir our own books, and not make us a laughintj-stock amonij 
 the outlandish — but now for the chanson. {^Sings.) 
 
 l'ombre d'anackeon. 
 
 Air : de la Sentinelle. 
 
 Un jeune Grrec s'ecrit a des tombeaux: 
 Yictoire! il 'lit; I'echo redit : Victoirel 
 O deiiii-dit'ux, vous iios premiers flambeaux, 
 Trompez le Stj'x et voyez notre gloire. 
 
 Soudain sous un eiel encliante 
 
 Uiie ombre apparait et s'ecrie : 
 
 Doux enfant de liberte, (6i«.) 
 
 Le plaisir veut une patrie, 
 Une patrie. 
 
 O peuple Grec, c'est moi dont les destins 
 Furent si doux chez tes ayeux si braves ; 
 Quaiid il cliantait I'amour dans les festins, 
 Anacreon en cliassait les esolaves. 
 
 Jamais la tendre volupte 
 
 N'approeiia d'une &me fletrie. 
 
 Doux enfant de la liberte, (62s.) 
 
 Le jilaisir vent une patrie, 
 Une patrie. 
 
 De I'aigle encore I'aile rase les cieux, 
 Du rossignol le? chants sont toujoui-s tendres; 
 Toi, peu{>le Grec, tes arts, tes lois, tes dieux, 
 Qii'eii as tu fait, qu'as-tu fait de nos cendres f 
 
 Tes fetes passent sans gaiete, 
 
 Sur une rive encore fleurie. 
 
 Doux enfant de la liberte, {bif.) 
 
 Le plaisir vcut une patrie, 
 line patrie. 
 
 D6ja vainqueur, cliante et vole au danger, 
 Biise tes fers, tu le peux si tu I'oses : 
 Sur nos debris, q\U)i ! le vil etranger 
 Dort ein'vre du jiarfum de tes roses! 
 
 Quoi I jiayer avee la beaute 
 
 Un tribut a la barbaric ! 
 
 Doux enfant de la libert6, (bis.) 
 
 Le plaisir veut une patrie, 
 Une patrie
 
 BKKAKGEK. oqj 
 
 C'est trop roiigir aux youx dii voyngeur, 
 Qui d'Olyiiipie evoque la niemoire. 
 Frappc, et ces Lords, au giV; d'liii ciel vcngour, 
 Eevei'diroiit d'abondanco et de gloire. 
 
 Des lyraiis lo sang detcsle 
 
 Recliaiille utie UtiTc appaiivrie ; 
 
 Doux enfant de la liberte, [bin.) 
 
 Le plaisir vent luic patrie, 
 line patrie. 
 
 A tes voisins n'emprimte que du for, 
 Tout peuple esclave est allie pei-tide. 
 Mars va t'arnier des feux de .liipiter, 
 CLer a, Venus son etoile te guide. 
 
 Baeelius, dieu tonjours, iiulompte, 
 
 Ilernplira la coupe larie. 
 
 Doux enfant de lu liberte, {bis.) 
 
 Le plaisir veut une patrie, 
 Uiie patrie. 
 
 II se rendort, le sage de Theos 
 
 La Greee enfin suspend ses funerailles, 
 Thebes, Coriiitlie, Atliene, Spai-te, Argos, 
 Ivres d'espoir, exliurnez vos inurailies; 
 
 Vos vierges nieme out repete 
 
 Ces mots d'une voix atteudrie, 
 
 Doux enfant de la liberte, {bis.) 
 
 Le plaisir veut une patrie, 
 Une patrie. 
 
 Hogg. A bonny tune, and, I daursay, a bonny sang too. What 
 was't a' aboot, sirs ? 
 
 Tickler. Love and country, and so forth. The shade of 
 
 Hogg. I daursay it's just plunder't out o' my Perils.* Does it 
 mention ony thing aboot a bonny lassie, and the flowers and tlie 
 gloaming ? 
 
 Tickler. These are all alluded to, Mr. Ilogg. 
 
 Hogg. And the birds singing ? 
 
 Tickler. Yes, that too, I think. 
 
 Odoherty {singing). 
 
 " Du Rossignol les chants sont toujours tendree, 
 Toi, peuple Grec ! " 
 
 Hogg. Na, na — time about's fttir play, Captain. Ye've gien us the 
 copy — I think I may be allood to gie you the original ; fur I'm sure 
 the French thief has just been ta^iin' every idea I had frae in«3 — I 
 mean 
 
 • Hogg's " Three PerUs of Man."— M.
 
 NOCTE5 AMHROSIAN-E. 
 
 O'loherfi/. ILil a new liglit 1 — Beraiiger, too, robbing Hogg ! — But 
 iH'gin, begin, dear Janies. 
 
 Hoqp. Ae niair roun.l of tlie bottles ere I begin — {Drinks a hamper 
 of toddy). — Ay, now — my whistle will do now. — {S'ukjs.) 
 
 
 -N 
 
 ^-'^- 
 
 ZiZH 
 
 t oiiie, all ye jol - 'ly 
 
 f 
 
 ■» — ' N" 
 
 .9-^ P5_ 
 
 :$5 
 
 ^_A _ 'N_^ =--_r 
 
 shep-herds that whis-tle thro' the glen, 1 11 
 
 fe^sl-p^^f^-^^ 
 
 tell ye of a se - crel that courtiers din - na ken. What is the greiit-est 
 
 i^lT=^, 
 
 bhss that the tongue of man can name ? 'Tis to woo a 
 
 =1: 
 
 las - sie when the kyc come hame. When the kye come hame, when the 
 
 J- ^ — -• — •—IF 
 
 kye come hame, 'Tween the gloaming an' the mirk, when the kye come hame,* 
 
 Tis not beneath the bur£fonet, nor yet bencatli the crown, 
 Tis not on couch of velvet, nor yet in bed of down — 
 Tis beneath the spreading birch, in the dell without the name, 
 \Vi' a bonnj-, bonny lassie, when the kye come hame. 
 
 {Chorus^ lads.) 
 
 When the kye come hnme, when the kye come hame, 
 Tween the gloaming an' the mirk, when the kye come hame. 
 
 There the tdackbird biijs his nest for the mate lie lo'ea to see. 
 And up upon the topmost bough, oh, a happy bird is he! 
 
 • The sonp, by Hopp, w.is very popular, not only in Kttrick Forest, but in all the rural dii- 
 Iricl? or.Sciilland. The rifrahi orifrinally was, " AVhen the kye comes hame," but some frf the 
 Sheplierd'i critical friends pointed out to him that, as the iiominative and the verb should 
 ttgree, the «iii?iilar comfs was not in accordance with the plural k)if. Ho?? accorilincly re- 
 moved the superduoiis and peccant s. When next the song was printed it had the correction, 
 and the wonis were, " When the kye come hame," — but his rural admirers refused to atlopt 
 the alteration, which they said was " dreadfu' affeckit," and, to this hour, the words are sung 
 ax oriftinally written. Hop? used to relate this anecdote with great glee, in JusliQcation of 
 tlis unmitigated and undisguised contempt of verbal criticism. — M.
 
 " WirEN THE KYE COME RAME." o, 3 
 
 Tl-.ore lie pours his nu'lting ditty, ami lovo 'tis ft' tlie tli«mo, 
 And he'll woo his bonny hvssie wlien the kye come liiuiio. 
 When tiie kye come hiiine, «fec. 
 
 Wlien the hhiart bears a pearl, and the daisy turns a pea, 
 And the bonny lueken irowaii has tuiihht up his ee, 
 Tlien llie hivroek frae the })lueHft dro[)s down, and thinks nae shame 
 To woo liis bonii}' lassie when the kye come liame. 
 When the kye come hame, <fec. 
 
 Then the e^ve shines sae bright, the hail sonl to becfuile, 
 There's h)ve in every whisper, and joy in every smile: 
 O wlia wad eiiooso a erowii, wi' a' its perils and its fame, 
 And miss a bonny lassie when the kye come hame? 
 When the kye come hame, tkc. 
 
 See yonder pawky shepherd that lingers on the hill. 
 His ewes are in the fauld, and his lambs are lyin;^ still; 
 Yet he downa gang to bed, for his heart is in a flame, 
 To meet his l)onny lassie when the kye come hame. 
 When the kye come hame, <fec. 
 
 Away wi' fame and fortune, what comfort can they gie? 
 And a' the arts that prey on man's life and liberty: 
 Gie me the highest joy that the heart of man can frame. 
 My bonny, bonny lassie, when the kye come hame. 
 
 When the kye come hame, tfec. {Much applause.) 
 
 Odolicrty. Upon my honor, 'tis admiiaWe. Why, when did you 
 make this, Uogg? You have done nothing so sweet these thiee 
 years. 
 
 Hogg. An' ye never saw nor heard it afore ? 
 
 Odoherty. Not I — how shoukl I ? 
 
 Hogg. \q invincible ne'er-do-weel ! and yet you reviewed my Threo 
 Perils o' Man for two I'eviews, and three newspapers forbye. 
 
 Odoherty. AVell, and what is that to the purpose ? 
 
 Hogg. Not much, I confess — only the next time ye're for reviewing 
 an author, ye might maybe come as braw speed if ye began wi' read- 
 ing his book. — Tak' ye that hint, my noble Captain? 
 
 Odoherty (a. Ititle confused). Why, is it possible? I really can 
 scarce swallow you, Hogg. — Is that song in "The Three Perils of 
 Man ?" — You are thinking of "The Three Perils of Woman," an't ye?« 
 
 Hogg. Fient a bit o' me. In the book of "The Three IVrils of 
 Man" — the third volume thereof, and the 19th page, you will tiiid it 
 written as I have sung unto you. 
 
 Odoherty [aside to Tickler). I never saw the book — hang it ! 
 
 Tickler [tipping the Adjutant the wink). Come, Uogg, don't be too 
 severe upon Odoherty. The song is a good deal altered since then, 
 and much for the better. As it stands in the novel, if I recollect 
 right, it begins with some trash about " Tarry woo'," and " whistling
 
 oO-t NOCTES AMBKOSI^VX^. 
 
 at tlie plow." The Standard-bearer might easily think the song a 
 new one. 
 
 IL>'i'i. I'se no deny that — for to tell you the plain fact, Christopher, 
 I had i-h-an forgotten't niysel'. AVhen the book was sent out a' printed 
 to "\'arrowside, od ! I just read the maist feck on't as if I had never 
 seen'l afore; and as for that sang in particular, Til gang before the 
 liaillies the morn, and tak' my aflidavy that I had no more mind o' 
 xchcn I wrote it, or Jwu" I wrote it, or ony thing whatever concerning it 
 — no more than if it had been a screed o' heathen Greek. I behoved 
 to h;ive written't soinetimc, and someway, since it was there — but that's 
 a' I kent. I maun surely hae Hung't ati' some night when I was a 
 thought dazed, and just sent it in to the printer without looking at it 
 in the morning. I declare I just had to learn the words or I could 
 sing the sang, as if they had been Soothey's, Tarn Muir's, or some 
 othor body's, and no my ain. 
 
 Odohertij. Coleiidge over again, for all the woi'ld, and the Black- 
 stone of Blarney — " a psychological curiosity," Hogg! Take one hint, 
 however, and heiiceforih always write your songs v/lien you ai'e diized, 
 as you call it — Ilibcrnice, when you are in a state of civilation.* 
 
 irdf/r; (^fc.stili/). Thank ye, Captain. I need scarcely be after bidding 
 you read tlie songs I write, when you find yourself in that same honor- 
 able and praiseworthy condition. 
 
 Odoherty [rincfs). Hallo — Champagne there ! Cool this fellow with 
 something that has been in the ice-pail. This eternal hot toddy is 
 si'tting his bristles on edge. {^Enter Ambrose.) Champagne there, 
 Ambrose ! 
 
 Kempferhausen. Champagner ! champagner for Hogg. Ila ! that's 
 your sort ! what for a cork ! 
 
 Hogg. Eh ! siccan a clunk as that chiel's loupit awa wi' ! There — 
 hau<l yer hand, Mr. Ambrose — eh ! siccan a ream ! (Brinks.) 
 
 Odoherty [ilrink'nig). I pledge you, my Chaldean Shepherd. "Well, 
 the wine is pi-imo. Ferguson for ever, say I ! 
 
 Hogg. Oh dear ! I never faund ony thing sae gude since ever I was 
 l)oin — hell, there's anither glassfu' there yet, Mr. Ambrose. This way, 
 bring't this way, man! Oh, dear! what a waganpf I "What may it 
 come to the dozen now, Mf. Ambrose ? (Ambrose whispers the Shep- 
 herd.) — Losh keep us a' ! — Losh keep us a' ! — heh me 1 
 
 Kemp/trhuKscn. O, what for a groaning and sighing ' — ^what is the 
 wish to you, Ilerr Hogg? 
 
 Hogg. Just that a body could get that same at three bawbees the 
 bottle. 
 
 Tickler. I suppose you would never think of small beer with your 
 porri Ige again ? 
 
 • AngUce—UaXi- seas over. — M.
 
 DINNER AT YAKKOW. 305 
 
 J 
 
 Hogg. Na, Ciitli I — nor tryacle neither — no, nor porter and sugar, 
 which is better tlian tryacle ony day in tlie year. 
 
 Odohcrty. This fellow Champagne! — Come now, Hogir, tell mo 
 
 houer^tly what is your idea of a really luxurious dinner? Describe 
 
 describe. 
 
 Hogg. Come ye out our way i' the har'st, and I'll spare myself the 
 fash of descriptions, Captain. Let's see — let's see — what suppose I set 
 you down to a gaucy tureenfu' o' liotch-pot(;h, or hare-soup — remove 
 that wi' a sawnion, just out o' Yarrow — a whacken fellow wi' his tail 
 in his mouth — his tiesh perfect curds — and then a thumpiu' leg of • 
 blackface,* maybe Avith gravy-juice enough in him to drown a peck o' 
 mealy potatoes — or what wad ye say to a tup's head and trotters ? — 
 That's the way we live in Yarrow. — Match us in Cork or Kilkenny, if 
 yo can. 
 
 Odoherty {solemnly). 
 
 "And is this Yarrow? this the stream 
 Of which my fancy elierished 
 So beautiful a wakinc; dream, 
 A vision which hath perished." 
 
 Hogg. What says tlie lad ? 
 
 Odoherty. Well, then, I say with Mr. Wordsworth — 
 
 " Whate'er betide, we'll turn aside, 
 And see the braes of Yarrow." 
 
 Hogg. That's a man. — I thought I could busk a fly that would 
 please your e'e, you saucy ane — but come, come, wha's ready wi' a 
 stave ? — Mr. Kemperhausen, the call is for you. 
 
 Kempferhausen (sings). 
 
 Der wind geht durch die Baiime ; 
 
 Aus grunen Schatten schwebt 
 Die milde schaar der traiime 
 
 Aus Luft und Lust geweht. 
 •' Was bringt ihr aus der feme 
 
 Und locket mich zur Ruh ? 
 Spriicht ihr von Leibgen, gerne 
 
 Driickt ich die Augen zu 1" 
 
 Hogg. Awfu' toothbreakers ! wheesht, wheesht. 
 
 Kempferhausen. Well, very well, mein Herr Hogg. Ich sange 
 nichts mehr — Potztausend 1 
 
 Odoherty. D German ! — Dr. Mullion, what are you niminat- 
 
 ing ? — And you. Tickler, what book is that you are fumbling with ? 
 
 • The Black-faced sheep are found to thrive so extremely well on the Scottish hills, that the 
 breed has become very general. — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 22
 
 SU6 NOCTES AMBROSIA^'.E. 
 
 Tkkhr. Oiilv the last Edinburcjh. I was tliinkiii" we should come 
 the i-at-o'-nine-tnils across some of these scamps. 
 
 Odohirtif. With plejusure, Mr. Tickler — hand rae the pamphlet if 
 you are ai^rceable. Ay, here it is! what a deuced piece of humbug 
 is this (ipt-iiiniji; article. 
 
 Tickler. Of course it is — but why are you so particularly moved, 
 Adjutant \ 
 
 Odohtrttj. Ililnirnicus sum ; nihil Hibernici a me alieuum puto. 
 
 Tickler. O, you expected something about your dear couutryiuen, 
 and the Marquis of Wellesley — did you ? 
 
 OdoLerti/. Your ears for a moment, Mr. Croupier — and you, good 
 GentlL'inen of the I'ress, your ears, 
 
 Ho'l'l. The Captain's going to make a speech — fill a' your glasses. 
 
 7'icklcr. llus)> ! — hush ! — out with it, then, Odoherty. 
 
 Odohirtij. AVe are told that there are tricks in all trades, so well 
 undeistood by the public, as to take off all moral imputation of false- 
 hood. We are told, for instance, that it is intolerable to axuse of low 
 mendacity a man of letters, even though no tradesman, for palming (^ff, 
 as a second edition, the heavy remainder of a first impression garnished 
 by an additional half sheet of superfluous stufl". Be it so; but of all 
 the tricks of trade with which I happen to be acquainted, the trickery 
 of the announcement of this leadinu: article of Xo. 7o of the Edinburjjh 
 Review, is the most barefaced. For weeks before its appearance, the 
 newspapers weie filled with interesting paragraphs, headed with " We 
 are able to announce the contents of the forthconiing Number," &c. — 
 Such, gentlemen, such are the Day-and-Martin manoeuvres to which this 
 once famed Journal is reduced ; and, in due course of time, this demi- 
 official information was ratified by the more regular announcement by 
 advertisement, penned, of course, by the same hand that gave the 
 importjint intelligence in the former shape. In all these, this fii-st 
 article was placarded as "Art. I. — Reflections on the State of Ireland in 
 the Nineteenth Century." 
 
 Tickler. I remember well, that all this was as you have been saying. 
 Su(di were the advertisements. 
 
 Odoherty. And what title could just now be more taking? I speak 
 for myself. — Vast visions of bottles and rattles floated before my men- 
 tal optics* — my mind yearned to hear the Whig Oracle's opinion of 
 ex-ojfficio informations, after the Grand Inquest of the country had 
 
 • The Marquis Wellesley, elder brother of " the Duke," was sent to Ireland, in 1S21, as Vice- 
 roy. It w.-a8 known that he had a strong desire to see the Roman Catholics relieved, by the 
 removal of certain disabilities of which they long and loudly had complained. Tliis political 
 leaning made Lord Wellesley unpopular with the Orangemen, and the Dublin Corporation, then 
 exclusively composed of ulira-l'rotestants. At the theatre, one night, some rullians of this 
 party threw a bottle at him, from the gallery, and very nearly struck him. Arrests were made, 
 and bills of imlictment preferred ; the Grand Jury issued the bills. >Ir. Plunket, then Attorney 
 General, presided f^-ojfieio, but the Government, alarmed at the prospect of defeat, never 
 brought the accused to trial, and thua gave a triumph to the Orangemen. — M.
 
 SCOTCH TITUES. 
 
 ;Ju7 
 
 e 
 
 X- 
 
 ifjnorod Ihc bills— I longed to lu-ar liow tlie stauiidi a.lvoc;.tcs <,f tl, 
 Uuvolution of 1688 would troat the lueiuury of WilliuM 111— I v\- 
 poctod savory remarks on the Beef-steaks— and, in goiieral, l.,ok.-d for 
 suiuewliat nigenious and pi(iuant on Forbes, Siandwicli, (m;,!,;,,,, 
 Daniel < )'('(.iiiiell, Mr. Tlunket, Major-Geueral JSir John liuck, K.C.I;! 
 — cvm nndfis a/l/s. 
 
 Ticklvr. So (lid the public. 
 
 Odiilurti/. And what did the purchaser, who sported his six shil- 
 lings, or, to speak llibernically, his six and sixpence,* on tlu; strength 
 of being |' pleased with a rattle, tickled with a bottle," -\s Pope remarks 
 get for his money ? ' 
 
 Jlorifi. I wonder what it could be? 
 
 Odohcrty. You need not waste your time in guessing, for you would 
 not hit it in a thousand years. In fact, nothing more'or less than the 
 "History and Settlement of Tithes in Scotland!" which is the running 
 title at tlie head of the pages in the Review ; but which, if announced 
 beforehand, would have most effectually damaged the sale. 
 
 Hoc/(f. I'm no that sure — I wad like to see the artic e for ane. 
 
 Odoherty. You would like — pooh ! pooh ! Who, beyond the par 
 ties concerned — the poorly paid minister, the financial elder, tlie grip- 
 ing heritor, and the blethering advocate — cares the end of a fig about 
 the history or the details of such an affair ? The Kirk of Scotland is a 
 most excellent church beyond doubt, but it is also beyond doubt, that 
 all this prate about rescissory statutes, teind lecords, Lords of Erec- 
 tions, laicke patrons, (fee. &c., is altogether balaam, of most unques- 
 tioned description. To be sure, the scribe endeavors to connect the 
 lumber, by a kind of apropos des bottes, witli the fraudulent title ad- 
 vertised in the newspapers, by means of a head and tail-piece ; which 
 have, however, all the appearance of coming from another hand. It 
 a])pears, by his account, that the people who have a design upon the 
 revenues of the English and Irish churches, wish for as much intornia- 
 tion as possible, on the most approved practical method of doing the 
 business. " Their expectation," quoth the Balaamite, " is reasonable, 
 and we hope the information may not be altogether without advan- 
 tage ! ! !" Was there ever a more stupid piece of make-bdieve at- 
 tempted to be played off? These worthy characters caie little about 
 the arrangements of the kirk, having a very pretty sweeping plan of 
 tlieir own already. Andrew Fairservice remarked long ago, that tho 
 Kirk of Scotland would not be the worse for it, if the dwellings of it.s 
 clergy were made something more nearly equal to the dog-kennels of 
 the fox-hunting squires of England. But the present radical church- 
 
 * Until the year 1825, every English shilling, of ticelve pence sterling, passed for tnirtfrn 
 pence in U-ehmd. The gain was exactly forty cents, or one shilling and eight pence literling, 
 upon each pound. An act was passed to assiniilate iiie currency, and the British coinage, 
 then first introduced at no mors than its real value, was familiarly spoken of us "Brctchc* 
 Money." — M.
 
 305 KOCTKS AMBKOSLVN^. 
 
 reformers would lake care to leave (lie parson n^^ dwelling at all, 
 which is a siiiiplitication of the system. lu truth, as has been lung 
 ngo observed i'V a better authority than mine, there are so many 
 points of dissimilitude between the circunistancos of the two countries, 
 that analoiries drawn between their Chuich establishments stand on 
 very insecure ground. 
 
 Tickler. The true history of the article is this — Jeffrey had pit;ked 
 up a dull paper on Scotch tithes from some hum-drum contributor 
 
 Odohtrti/. Whom he should immediately present a 5/. note, a good 
 character for sobriety, and his discharge. 
 
 Tickler. And JetlVey thought he could make the vounfif idiot 
 
 go down by giving his etfusion a catching name. That's all, Odo- 
 herty. 
 
 Odoliertij. Even so, Timotheus — nor is the trick a new one. We 
 are often baulked the same way in the newspapers, where you are se- 
 duced into reading a paragrajih by the attractive heading of "A Great 
 Personage not long ago remarked," or " It is sti'ange that when Mr, 
 Canning so pointedly told Mr. Brougham that his assertion was falsk," 
 or "Siu James MACKiNrosH and Mit. (tekau)," &c., and find, aft*!r all, 
 that its scope and tendency is to recommend Prince's Russian Oil, or 
 Tom liish's tickets and shares. 
 
 Tickler. What think you of the article on the two poems about the 
 angels ? 
 
 Odoherty. This I beg leave to skip altogetlier. Jeffrey lias certain 
 reasons to be civil to both Moore and Byron; a"d here we have a 
 little small criticisni, pufling their last poems. I is the production 
 of a fourth-rater. I have read critiques as deep m Ackerman's Re- 
 pository.* 
 
 Tickler. You won't say that of Brougham's article on Grattan ? 
 
 Odoherty. No, no — the article is full of talent — of such talent as 
 Mr. Brougham possesses — and, to say truth, I loved old Grattan, and 
 1 like very well to see him putfed, even by such a man as Brougham ; 
 for Brougham, though a Whig, is not a goose. 
 
 Tickler, llow shabby is the notice of Croly 1 
 
 Odoherty. Right shabby certainly, and right shallow at tlie same 
 lime, as I shall s'>ow you. Brougham, if you observe, sets out with 
 abusing my good friend young Grattan for publishing panegyrics on 
 his father, written by men of various abilities, but particularly for giv- 
 ing to the world that by "a certain liev. Mr. Croly, whoever he be/ 
 This little impertinence is in the same taste as the "Ricardus quidam 
 Bentleius" of Alsop, a forgotten prig; but in his day, just as conceited 
 sis the pertest reviewer in the pack. It is with no pride I say it, but 
 k is undeniable that such will be the fate of the reviewinir tribe in 
 
 • A magazine exclusively devoted to fashions rad mantua-makers' literature.— M.
 
 HENRY GKATTAN. CjO'J 
 
 gonenil ; and in pailiciilar, when it will be altoo-ollior for^'otten dial 
 such an aiticlc as this review of G rattan's spceclies had ever exislentx- 
 the genius and talents of this " certain Kev. Mr. Croly, whoever lio 
 be," will have secured liiin an honorable place among tlie great names 
 of English literature.* But, look ye, the mock ignorance of the re- 
 viewer is rendered (j[uite comical by the naivete ot'the avowal in the 
 next page. He was induced, he says, to cut up Mr. Croly, not because 
 he is an obscure and unknown scribbler, but because " i/irre has been 
 shown such a disposition to puff him in certain quarters.'''' As it so 
 happens that these "certain quarters" have ten times more circulaU')ii, 
 and twenty times more weight among the literary world than the ve- 
 hicle which contains the opinions of this sage critic, there is something 
 irresistibly droll in his pretending not to know who the object of iheii- 
 panegyric, or puti" — no matter about a word — can possibly be. As to 
 his abuse of Croly's splendid character of Grattan, as it merely con- 
 sists in tearing a brilliant sentence or two from their context, and, 
 after garbling them, then venting some Httle absurdities at their ex- 
 pense — there is no more to be said on the occasion. 
 
 Ho(j(i. Croly need never fash his thumb about what the like o' them 
 says. Will ony of them ever write a "Paris in 1815," or a "Cati- 
 line ?" 
 
 Odohcrty. Some of them miglit be more likely to act a Paris in 
 1792, or to act a Catiline.f But to proceed — "Even-handed justice 
 returns the poisoned chalice to our own lips." According to Biough- 
 am, one of the chief excellencies of Grattan is, his tremendous power 
 of invective. He is not less enraptured with the unspai'ing use ho 
 made of this foul-mouthed faculty. Now I shall confess, that I, for 
 one, rank tish-wife oratory somewhat low, but yet T do not object to 
 other people's criticising according to their propensities. He quotes 
 with delight Mr. Grattau's celebrated reply to Mr. Corry in 1800, and 
 in truth, it must be allowed to be most classical and well-turned Bil- 
 lingsgate. Corry, on the authority of a sworn evidence, before the 
 Irish House of Lords, had stigmatized Grattan as being in some de- 
 gree connected with the bloody rebellion of 1*798, to which Grattan 
 replied in a torrent of abuse, in which this sentence occurs: 
 
 "He has charged me with being connected with the rebels — 
 
 THE charge is UTTERLY, TOTALLY, AND MEANLY FALSE." 
 
 For saying this Mr. Grattan is piaised by Mr. Brougham — I sup- 
 pose so — but at least by one of Mr. Brougham's coadjutors in preach- 
 ing Whiggery through this Review. Well, the book was scarcely in 
 
 * The Tories allowed Croly to continue a Curate, though his pen was ever employed to as?crl 
 and defend their principles and conduct. It was Brougham, when Lord Cha:icellor, with 
 Church-piitronage in his hands, who — looking on Ciuly as a man of genius, and laying asido 
 party considerations — gave him the Rectory of St. Stephen's, Walbrool<, London.— M. 
 
 + Croly's tragedy of Catiline, chiefly based on one of Sallust's brilliant fragments of Roman 
 history, is one of the noblest specimens of the unacted drama ever produced in England.— II.
 
 310 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Lomlon, l>ofure Mr. Brouirham made an attack on Mr. Canning, for 
 truckliur, as he elerjautlv^enned it, to tlie Lord Chancellor, from so 
 mean a aiotive as desire'of place ; to which Mr. Canning, in reply, did 
 not foam ..r rant like Grattan, but simply and quietly uttered the fol- 
 lowing brief sentence : 
 
 " I SAY THAT THAT IS FALSE !"* 
 
 For my part, looking at the mere taste of the thing. I cannot help 
 savinir, that I think Canning's reply far superior. It goes straight 
 foiwaTd to the point at once, and sis a contradiction was all that either 
 had to give, so every word that did not convey one was waste. 
 
 Tickler. I can't help thinking that both retorts were high'y unpai 
 liamentary— shockingly so — quite wrong. But perhaps the reportei-s 
 
 are alone to blame. . . 
 
 Odoherty. It may be so — it may be that this last affair is newspaper 
 fudge. But grant Grattan and Canning to have, both of them, really 
 made these retorts— and grant both of them to have been highly un- 
 parliamentary retorts, still there is this marked and characteristic 
 ditlcrence between the cases. No tumult was ma<le about the circum- 
 stance in the Irish Parliament; the speech is reported in a regular 
 edition of the orator's works; the Whig reviewer extols the eloquence 
 of the retort coolly three-aud-twenty ycais after it was given. There 
 is, in short, no Tory angry, and no'Wliig undelighted. In the other 
 case, there is a row, the Whigs are indignant, their newspapers up- 
 roarious, and nothing can be more hoirible in their eyes than Mr. 
 Canning's indecorum, quite forgetting the panegyric pronounced on 
 Gnittant fur doing precisely the'same thing, by their principal organ. 
 
 Tickler. You may just reverse your second last sentence — tiiere is 
 no Whig void of wrath, and no Tory— we mean of that base set 
 among us, who are our greatest disgrace, the Pluckless — not in 
 mourning. 
 
 Horffi. Iloch I hoch ! hoch ! lieegh ! heegh ! hoch ! hoch ! hoch ! 
 
 Odoherty. One word more — I, of course, know nothing of the facts 
 of the case, nor pretend to pronounce an opinion which party was 
 rii;ht. I am merely criticising the oratorical power displayed by 
 (^rattan and Canning. I know not whether Corry or Brougham was 
 justitialile in the charge originally made. 
 
 Tickler. Perhaps the whole is an invention of the Gentlemen of the 
 Press. 
 
 • In 1S22, Canning— who was on the eve of going into splendid exile, as V cercy of India— 
 was Hppoiuitfd KortiKn Sccn-t.iry, on the suicide of Lord Londonderry. The Wliig party wire 
 nnnoyud at his joinintr Lord Liverpool's ultra-Tory administration, and, in the course of tlie fol- 
 lowing .Session, (in 1^2:1.) Brouj;liara stigmatized liim as having exhibited the most incredible 
 spi-'iiiien of inonKlrous trickery, for tlie purpose of obtaining office, that tlie wliole history ol 
 piililical tergiversation could afford. Canning turne<l white as a sheet, (as a looker-on in- 
 formed me) and, pointing liis finger at Brougham, exclaimed, " I rise to eay that that is false !" 
 Kventually, it appeared that the retort and rtyoinder had been made ouly in a I'ickwickian 
 ■en«e. — M.
 
 JOANNA BAILIJE. ^ii 
 
 Odnhertij. Hogg, have you liad any tluDg to ilo willi lliis? 
 
 H>:i(/. I'll toll you what it is, Hogg kei^s naetliiiig ahout ihe R.lin- 
 l)U-ga Keview, nor Mr. l)roiigliaiu ncitlior — I have not so^-n a paper 
 t!ii; mouth — and as for the Review, that Number's the first Tvr s.-.-n 
 of iIk' blue and yellow these twa years, I believe. 
 
 Odohcrt;/. No gieat loss. IJut choose your subject, Chairin.aii ; 
 what have you seen of late ? 
 
 Uoyg. There's for ae thing The Sextuple Alliance. Deevil o' siccan 
 poem ever I saw ; but the dedication is capital. 
 
 Odolwrt;/. Wliat is it? 
 
 Hoijij. See there, man. 
 
 TO 
 
 A MAN OF LETTERS, 
 
 A MERCHANT, POLmciAN, AND ECONOMIST ; 
 
 A GENTLEMAN 
 
 WUO MIGUT BE NAMED TO FOREIGNERS, AS A MODEL OF AN ENLIGHTENKn 
 
 AND LIBERAL 
 
 BRITISH TRADER ; 
 
 A JUST AND ZEALOUS MAGISTRATE, 
 
 AN ESTIMABLE PRIVATE CITIZEN, 
 
 AN ABLE WRITER, 
 
 AND ORIGINAL TUINKER ; 
 
 TO THE ROSCOE AND RTCARDO OF GLASGOW, 
 
 JAMES EWING, Esq., 
 
 THESE VERSES ARE RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED, 
 BY 
 
 THEIR AUTHORS. 
 
 Odoherty. Very elegant, and most appropriate. Have you any 
 thing else new ? 
 
 Hogg. Let me think — ay, there's for ae thing, Miss Joanna Baillie's 
 CoHectiou of Poems. 
 
 Tickler. Ha ! I had not heard of her being in the press. Tragic, I 
 hope. 
 
 Kemjyferhausen. You will find the book on the side-table, I believe, 
 'j'ickler. Yes — that's it — that octavo in greenish — you will see that 
 'lis only edited by Miss Baillie, although there are several pieces of 
 iiers included. 
 
 Hogg. And some very bonny pieces amang them — rax me the vol- 
 ume, Mr. Tickler. 
 
 Tickler. AVith your leave, Mr. Hogg — ^^just let me look over the 
 index— ha ! " Macduft''s Cross, a drama, by Sir Walter Scott." What's 
 this, Hogg ? 
 
 Hogg. Oo, just a bit hasty sketch — but some grand bits in't, man.* 
 
 * Early in 1823, Joanna Baillie published a collection of Poetical Miscellanies, in which ap- 
 peared a dramatic sketch by Sir W. Scott, entitled " M.iCiluiT's Cross"—?-) calle<1 from an erec- 
 tion (of wliich the bottom-stone or socket alone remains now) on which WhS recorded the 
 bounty of King Malcolm Coumore to the unborn Thane of Fife. — M.
 
 313 NOCrES AMBROSIAL JS. 
 
 Od I oiiy boily else could have keepit the story for a three volume job 
 at the least. Rax uie the book — thank ye, Tickler — now, listen to this, 
 — the twa priests are watching at the sanctuary of the Macduif'a 
 Cross, when twa horsemen are seen advancing — listen. 
 
 "See how tlie}- strain a-lown the opposini; hill! 
 Yon gray steed buiimiiiig on tlie headlong path 
 As on the level meadow — and the black. 
 Urged by the rider with his naked sword, 
 Stoops on his prey, as 1 have seen the falcon 
 l)ii.shing upon the heron. — Thou dost frown, 
 
 And clench thy hand as if it grasped a weapon. 
 
 » » » * * 
 
 Tis but for shame to see one man fly thus. 
 While only cue pursues him! Coward 1 turn." 
 
 Odnherty. Well spouted, Shepherd — and admirable lines indeed- — 
 but I'll read it for myself; what more is there? 
 
 Hoyg. Whoay, there's almost eveiy name that's a name ava here, 
 an be not mine ain and Byron's. There's Wordsworth — twa sair teugh 
 sonnets o' his — and Soothey, Lord keep us a' ! they're the maist daft- 
 like havers I ever met wi', the lines of his about a Linn. 
 
 Odoherty. Pass the Laureate — does Coleridge figure ? 
 
 Hogg. No — no wi' his name at ouy rate, (I had clean forgotten 
 Coleridge.) — But there's Crabbe and Milman, and Mrs. Grant, and 
 General Dii'om, and Miss Uolford, and John Richardson. 
 
 Tickler. Ah! "Otho?" 
 
 Hogg. And ane Sir George Beaumont, that AVordsworth dedicates 
 aue of his poems to — the White Doe if I mind right — and Rogers, and 
 Uook. 
 
 Odohertij, What ! — Theodore ? Let's hear his chant.* 
 
 Hogg. This Hook's a minister — the Reverend 
 
 Odoherty. Ah ! then pass him over, for I'm sure Theodore is not in 
 orders. 
 
 Hogg. And Bowles, and Lady Dacre, and Miss Anna Maria Porter, 
 and Mrs. Barbauld, and Mr. Merivale.f 
 
 Tickler. Let's hear Merivale's contribution. 
 
 Hogg. It's ane o' the very best in the book — 'tis realiy a most elegant 
 poem, but rather ower lang may be for receetin just now. Take this 
 
 ♦ It was Theodore Hook's cousin, and the author of tlie lively romances or novels (for tliey 
 are of a mixed character) called " Pe.. Owen," and " Percy Mallory." — M. 
 
 t To this volume. Miss Catharine Fansliawe (described by Lockliart as " a woman of rare 
 wit and Reniua, in whose society Scott greatly delighted") contributed &om<i jetix d'ttjirit, and 
 William Uowiscn'a ballad of Polyd'~:e, which introduced him to Scott, when a mere lad, was 
 also amonK the contents. The John Richardson, in the above list of writers, was Scott's most 
 Intimate friend and a London lawyer, " with a pretty taste for poetry." Miss Uolford also 
 wrote ver.'ies. General Uiroui had a call in the same line. Lady IJacre (whose play of "Ina," 
 performed when she was .Mrs. Wilmot, was a failure) afterwards won reputation not only as it 
 translator of Petrarch and a novelist, but as an amateur sculptor. Sne died in May, liJCl. 
 The others are too well known to need more particular atteniiou. — M.
 
 THE DEVONSIUEE LANE. oi-j 
 
 u 1 O 
 
 for a specimen, now. You are to know lliat tlio poem's all aljoiii tin; 
 scenery on a water called the Axe, somewhere in Knglaii.l. Arc n-.t 
 these equal to Smollett's Leven Water itself? 
 
 " Hail, modest streamlet, on wliosc bank 
 iS'o willows grow, nor osiers dank ; 
 Whose waters form no stagnant pool, 
 But ever si>ai-kling, pure and cool, 
 Tlieir snaky channel keep between 
 Soft swelling hills of tender green, 
 That fresliens still as they descend, 
 In gradual slope of graceful bend. 
 And in the living emerald end. 
 On whose soft turf, supinely laid, 
 Beneath the spreading beechen shade, 
 I trace, in Fancy's waking dream. 
 The current of thine infant stream." 
 
 And wi' that he's awa wi't at ance — celebrating a' the aulJ monaste- 
 ries and castles. Od ! it maun be a bonny classical water. I could 
 just have thought I was reading about Yarrow, and Newark, and Bow- 
 hill, and a' the lave o't. 
 
 Odohcrty. They seem to be graceful verses — I, however, should 
 rather have likened them to the tiow of Dyer, or Milton's Penseroso, 
 than to Smollett's charming ode. 
 
 Hoffg. Na, I'm uae critic. I ou\y feel that Merivale has the soul 
 of a poet, and that his verse is delicious music to ray ear.* I meant 
 uae close comparisons. 
 
 Odoherty. You read so nobly when the passage suits your taste, 
 that you would make any thing appear beautiful. 
 
 Hogg. Nane o' your quizzes, Captain, — but I'll tell ye what, I'm no 
 gaun to lead ouy mair o't ; but if ye like, I'se try to sing you a famous 
 good song that's in this book — a real good song of Mr. Marriott's — 
 and though it's about a Devonshire lane, it would just do as weol for 
 an Ettrick Forest " Green Loaning." 
 
 Omnes. Do — do — sing away. 
 
 Hogg {sings to the tune of Dcrry dowii). 
 
 THE DEVONSHIRE LANE. 
 
 In a Devonshire lane, as I trotted along. 
 T'other day, much in want of a subject for song; 
 Thinks I to myself, I have hit on a str.y'n, — 
 Sure marriage is much like a Devonshire lane. 
 
 In the fii-st place, 'tis long, and when once you are in it, 
 It holds you as fast as the cage holds a linnet, 
 
 . • Merivale subsequently translated SchiUer and Dante, with marked success.— M.
 
 r'14 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 For lioweVr roiic;h and dirty tlie road may be found, 
 Drive forward yon must, siiiee there's no turning round. 
 
 B>it thougli 'tis so long, it is not very wide. 
 
 For two are the most that together can ride; 
 
 And even there 'tis a cliance but they get in a pother, 
 
 And jostle and cross, and run foul of each other. 
 
 Oft Poverty greets them with mendicant looks. 
 And Care pushes by them o'erladen with crooks. 
 And Strife's grating wheels try between them to pass, 
 Or Stubbornness blocks up the way on her ass. 
 
 Tlien the banks are so high, both to left hand and right, 
 That they shut up the beauties around from the sight; 
 And hence you'll allow, 'tis an inference plain, 
 That Marriage is just like a Devonshire lane. 
 
 But thinks I too, these banks within which we are pent, 
 
 "\Vith bud, blossom, and berry, are richly besprent; 
 And tiie conjugal fence wliich forbids us to roam, 
 Looks lovely, when deek'd with the comforts of home. 
 
 In the rock's gloomy crevice the bright holly grows. 
 
 The ivy waves fresh o'er the witliering rose. 
 
 And the ever-green love of a virtuous wife 
 
 Smooths the roughness of care — cheers the winter of life. 
 
 Then long be the journey, and narrow the way; 
 I'll rejoice that I've seldom a turnpike to pay; 
 And whate'er others think, be the last to complain, 
 Though Alarriage is just like a Devonshire lane. 
 
 OJoherty. Upon my word, Devonsliire is up just now.— Is tliere 
 uiui'h humor in tlie collectiou ? 
 
 Hoijij. Some cajMtal jeesting bits — particularly some riddles and 
 iLe like. What think you of this on a pillion \ 
 
 A RIDDLE. 
 
 Inscribed on many a learned page. 
 In mystic charactei's and sage. 
 
 Long time my _/?r«< has stood: 
 And though its golden age be past. 
 In wooden wall it j'et may last 
 
 Till clothed with flesh and blood. 
 
 My second is a glorious prize 
 
 For all who love their wandering eyes 
 
 With cm-ious sights to pamper; 
 Eut 'tis a sight, which should they meet 
 All improviso in tiie street, 
 
 Ye gods! how they would scamper!
 
 "tite liberal." 2 J-, 
 
 My torifs a sort of wandering throne, 
 To woman limited alone, 
 
 The Siilique law reversing; 
 Bnt while th' iniat;inary queen 
 Prepares to ai't this novel scene, 
 
 Her royal jiart i-eheaisiiisT, 
 O'ertiirniiig- her presumptuous ])lan, 
 Up climbs the old usurper — nii'.n. 
 And she jogs after as she can. 
 
 Odohcrtrj. " Pillion !" Well, that's truly excellent.— Well, we're 
 all much obliged to Mrs. Baillie. Toss back old Kit's octavo, dear. 1 
 shall buy one of them for myself, to-mori-ow. 
 
 Hogtj. There, it's just lighted on the bunker! 
 
 Odoherty. Not among the Liberals, I hope. — Ah! 'tis safe. Havo 
 you seen the last Pisan,* Hogg ? 
 
 Ilorjg. Peezan ! — Pushiou, say rather — it's a' dirt now. Loi-d Byron, 
 I aye said, wadna put up wi' sic company lang — and ye laughed at 
 me ; but you see I'm right after a'. 
 
 Odoherty. Me laugh at you ? I only wonder what the deuce it can 
 have been, that made him countenance them even for the little time 
 he did. His articles were libellous sometimes, (these fellows, by the 
 WH}', can no more Hbel than a tailor can ride,) but they had no con 
 nectiou with, or resemblance to the sort of trash the Cockneys stuffed 
 them in the heart of The last number contains not one line of By- 
 ron's. — Thank God ! he has seen his error, and kicked them out. 
 
 Hogg. I canna gie him up. I cauna thole't. I aye think he'll turn 
 ower a new leaf, and be himself ere lang. 
 
 Odoherty. Quod felix faustumque ! — J3ut as to these drivellers, they 
 are all in their old mire again. — Just Rimini Hunt, and three or foui 
 moie 
 
 Hogg. "Lewd fellows of the baser sort," — to use scriptural language, 
 touching a most unscriptural crew. 
 
 Tickler. And whether you take " lewd" in the old or the new sense, 
 you could not have hit on a fitter epithet for the authors of some of 
 these diso-ustinjr farran'os. The fellow that reviews Apuleius would 
 
 o O O , * , 
 
 look at home upon the treadmill. Filthy, dirty creature! Latin, for- 
 sooth ! — and what think ye of King Leigh comparing Pope's face to 
 a Fawn's ? 
 
 Hogg. Which rhymes of course to thorns or scokns. 
 
 Tickler. Of course. — Have you seen the Liber Amoris ? 
 
 Odoherty. Not I, — what is it ? — a Cockneyism ? 
 
 * " The Liberal," a quarterly magazine and review, published at Pisa, and edited by Lord 
 Byron and Leigli Hunt, with assistance from Hazlitt. In the eprlicr numbers, sevcrai of 
 Phelley's poems had appeared. His death, in July, 1S22, sealed the fate of this periodical. 
 whicli had very few redeeming features. — M.
 
 ',10 N0CTE8 AMBilOSIAN^. 
 
 Tickler. Av. and a most profligate Cocknoyisra too.* But wait n 
 little, wait a little. I can a tiile uutolJ. You sliall hear the whole 
 .story iu due time, — " the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ;" 
 an j' well kuuw I at le:ist one Oocknet that would shake in his shoes 
 if he heard what I am sayiui'. 
 
 I'll • 
 
 Hj'/i). Ye gar me shake mysel' when ye speak with that groanmg 
 key, and lay out your leg that way. O, Mr. Tickler, ye're an awfu' 
 auld carle when your birr's up. Sic an ee too ! ye put me iu mind, 
 no i.fH-uee, sir, of Gait's Archbishop.f 
 
 Tukhr. Hah! hah! the Archbishop of St. Andrews ? Old 11am- 
 iltoii ? 
 
 Hogg. Ay, just him. I have Ringan in my maud here.J I coft. 
 him for our bit Yarrow Subscription Leebrary. 
 
 Oduhcrly. Kead the description of Tiniotheus. 
 
 Hogg (reading from Ringan Gilhaize). " He used to depict him 
 as a hale black-a- vised carl, of an o'ersea look, with a long dark l>eard 
 inclining to gray : hie abundant hair flowing down from his cowL, 
 wiis also clouded and streaked with the kithinos of the cranreuch of 
 age — there w£is, however," (here's for you, Timothy !) — " there was, 
 however, a youthy and luscious twinkling in his eyes, that showed 
 how little the passage of three and sixty winters had cooled the ram- 
 pa Jit" • 
 
 Tickler. Stop, you old Boar, 
 
 Hogg. A devilish weel-sketched portrait in its style — very pictur- 
 esque, 'faith — and I dare say, very like. 
 
 Tickler. Wh}'-, I profess to be tolerably read in the history of that 
 period, and much as I detest the Covenanters, I must allow that Gait 
 has authority for every ^ict he introduces. 
 
 Hogg. There wad nane o' you believe me, when I said I had au- 
 thority for the misusage of that priest o' mine, in the Biownie.§ 
 
 7'ickler. It did not signify, whether you had or not — but here the 
 case is altered, quoth Plowden. This book is really something of a 
 history. 
 
 Odohertg. Faith, I read it as a novel, and, though not quite so laugh- 
 able as the Entail, I thought it a devilish good novel. 
 
 Tickler. And so it is — but mark my words, the Book will live when 
 most Novels we see just now are forgotten, as a history.^ 'Tis really 
 a very skilful, natural, easy, and amusing History of the Establish- 
 
 ♦ " Liber Amoris, or the New Pygmalion," a strange production of William Hazlitt's, written 
 with great earnestness — as if, in truth, the man must pour out liis confessions or have his 
 heart burst— but open to ridicule and hostile criticisui, for many causes. — M. 
 
 t One of the characters in " Kingan Gilliai:e, or, T'le Covenanters," by John Gait, which wna 
 published in May, l^'J-'J — M. 
 
 } Mil ml. —X Scottish peasant's plaid.— M. 
 
 f" The llrownie of liodsbeck," one of Hogg's first prose stories.— M. 
 On the contrary, like the re«t of Gait's historical novels, V Kingan i 
 
 , . -Jngan Gilhaize" was nerer of 
 
 much mark or note, and was soon forgotten.— M. " " ' ■ ' '
 
 LADY OAltOLINK LAAOJ. 317 
 
 meut of the Reformed and Presbyteriau Rulitjfion in tliis kinL'<loin 
 
 very great art in the man:igement, I assure V'>u. 
 
 hi.[i(j. Oh, it's a braw book — it's a real book — I aye likod Uah, and 
 I iik(j liim better than ever now. lie lias coiii[ik'tflv entered \nUi iIkj 
 spirit of the Covenanters — far better than The Unkiiuwn — clean abuon 
 liiin, head and showthers. The real truth of the character 
 
 Odohertij. Who the devil cares about tlie Covenanters? CouIouikJ 
 the old bigoted idiot, say I ! Have you seen Murray* in Claverhouse ? 
 
 Tickler. I have, and he plays it and looks it nobly. The rrania i.s 
 one of the best from those novels. Mackay's Cuddie Ileadritrg, Mis. 
 Nichol's Mause, and Mason's old Milnwood, are particularlv excellent. 
 
 Hogij. What for have they no had the sense to keep the one tablo 
 with the saltfoot, as in the novel ? They've clean missed a fine point 
 by that silly alteration. 
 
 Tickler. They have. Tell them of it, and they'll mend it. 
 
 Hogg. I had a letter from an Ettrick lad that's settled in America, 
 the other day, and he says they've made a play there out of my Thkek 
 Pkrils already, and it tak:es prodigiously. They've mair sense owerbv 
 there than here at hame, in some particulars. They turn a' my novels 
 into plays. Od ! I cannot but say it makes me prood to think that 
 I'm acting just now, at this very moment, in New Yoik, maybe, and 
 Boston, and half a dozen mair of their towns intill the bargain ; and 
 then, how they translate me in Germany ; but Kempferhausen can tell 
 you better aboot those things. 
 
 Kempferhausen. Pooh ! they translate every thing in Germany ; 
 you need not take that as any very great compliment. And in France 
 too, faith I believe they translate any thing in Paris that's written in 
 England. 
 
 Hogg. I wad like to see mysell moushified. If ye have the French 
 Brownie of Bodsbeok, let me hae a lend o't; — od 1 I would not won- 
 der if it garred me tak to learning their lingo. 
 
 Odoherty. And then, perhaps, we shall have you writing a book in 
 French yourself, like a second Sir William Jones, or Mr. BeckfonL 
 B}' the way, was there ever such a failure as this new imitation of 
 Beckford's Vathek, Ada Reis ? 
 
 Tickler. I could not get through with it for one; wild and dull 
 together won't do. Lady Caroliuef is a very clever person certainly, 
 but she should really take a little time and thought. Graham Uaniil- 
 
 * W. II. Murray, mnnager of the Edinburgh Theatre, of which his sister, Mrs. Henry Sid- 
 dons, was lessee He was an excellent actor.— Cliarles Mackay, whose IJaillie Nicol Jarvie, in 
 " Hob Uoy," was never equalled, was one of the main supports of this theatre. — M. 
 
 t liHiiyCaroIine Lamb (whose husband became Lord Jielhourne, after her death in IS'28, at 
 the age of forty-two) possessed some literary talents, and made herself not a little notorious by 
 the xeal with which, as a canvasser among the electors, she assisted her brother-in-law ai.o 
 Hon. Geortre Lamb) when he was a candidate for the represent.-uion of Westminster. Her 
 wild ]).issiuu for Lord Uyron was fatal to her domestic felicity, ruined her character, anj 
 alienated her friends. She wrote three novels,— " Glenarvon," (of which she U supposed to 
 huve made Byrou the hero,) "Graham Hiimiltou," and " Ada Keis."— M.
 
 .IIS NOCTKS AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 ton was })a(l, and this is worse. I wonder Murray took the trouble to 
 publish it. 
 
 O'lohi-rtif. XevortlloU^«s, Ticker, there are some fine passaijes, some 
 uuble things, alier all. liut to imitate Vatuek and to lad were very 
 nearly the same thing. Vathek, sir, is one of the most original works 
 that our age has seen.* It will live when Fonthill is in ruins — cere 
 pcrcnnius. 
 
 llnjij. I w'sh you would tell me your notion of some more of the 
 new books, siis ; for I've gotten ^me of the Ettriek lads' siller yet, 
 and I'm resolved to carry them out every thing that I can cofF. 
 Blackwood savs, "The Monks of Leadenhall" is a good novel. 
 
 Tickler. It is very fair; the author has spirit and imagination, and 
 knowledge too, — he will be a rising man yet, you will see — if he 
 lakes a little more time and consideration. liy all means, export The 
 Monks of Leadenhall to St Maiy's. 'Tis a very pi-oniising work. 
 
 llo'iif. Thank ye, — I'll e'en buy't then, — and " The Pioneers," that's 
 a boolc of Murray's — I suppose it will be worth its price, since it comes 
 out of his shop, — for John's no that keen o' novels now-a-days. 
 
 Tickler. Why, the author has very considerable talents — but " The 
 Spy " was far better. This is rather a heavy book ; — but, liowevei', it 
 will iro down on Yarrow and elsewhere; — any thinof is valuable in so 
 far that paints new manners — and, American manners are a rich mine 
 — and this writer bids fair to dig to purpose in it.f 
 
 Keinpferhausen. Washington Irving is, I hear, busy with German 
 manners now. lie has taken up his residence there, — and is deter- 
 mined to give us a German Sketchbook in the first place;];— (what a 
 present this will be!) — and then a series of works, all founded on 
 German stories, and illustrative of the characters and customs of Ger- 
 man life. 
 
 Odoherty. Come, this is good news, Kempferhausen — I am truly 
 lia])pv to hear Geoftrey Crayon has got hold of so fine a field. In the 
 meantime, do you stick to your tackle, and devil-a-fear but there's 
 enough for you both. 
 
 n<>;ifl. I've bought D'Israeli's book, and Butler's Reniiniseences.§ 
 
 Tickler. Right in both. Butler is a delightful writer — so calm, so 
 
 * William Beckford's singular tale of " Vathek," was originally written hy him in French. 
 It is so splendid in description, so true in eastern costume-, and so wild and vivid in imiiffina- 
 tiim, that Lord llyron considered it difficult to believe that it was written hy iin European, and 
 said," Kven Hassclas must how before it; the Happy Valley will not bear a comparison with 
 the Mall of Klilis." — Fonthill Abbey, which was sold in IS'2'2, has long been shorn of its archi- 
 tectural beauties, and the last I heard of it was that it had been converted into a factory ! — .M. 
 
 t Kenitnore Cooper's sea and Indian novels obtained very large prices in England, where 
 (to si/cure the copyright) most of them were first published. — M. 
 
 % Washington Irving (says" ThcMnofthe TYwc") passed the winter of 1S22 in Dresden, re- 
 turni'd to I'aris in 1823, and moved to London in May, 1824, to publish his Tales of a Traveller, 
 which tippeared in August of that year. — M. 
 
 § Isaac U'lsraeli, best known by his " Curiosities of Literature," was father of the brilliant 
 English state.-nian and writer, and died in 1S48, at the age of eighty-one. — Charles Butler, h 
 Will known Roman Catholic lawyer, published his agreeable and instructive " ileminisccnces" 
 In 1S23. He also was eighty-one when he died, in 1S32. — M.
 
 SCOTTISIT PAINTERS. f^ I f) 
 
 sfTisible, so judicious, so llmrouo-lily tho scholar nn.l i,'ontl.'iiinti. I 
 K.ve ]]utlor, aud wish his Rcmiuiscencos had booji live tTm.-s as ui'n;,'. 
 1 lead the book througli at a sittiiii;,' — and deliu-l.lful readiiii; it w.i^^ ' 
 
 OJoherti/. There's anollier new Look has just cotne out,~s..rnetliin-' 
 between D'Israeli's mauner and Butler's; but I don't know wlietber i^t 
 will be in Hogg's way — the " Heraldic Anomalies." 
 
 Tickler. O, a very clever book — I mean to give Noi'th a r<-\i.'w of 
 it one of these days, and then Hogg will judge for himself. It is rea'- 
 ly quite full of information and amusement too.* 
 
 Odohcrty. Who wrote it? 
 
 Tickler. God knows! some old pawky Barrister — some venerablo 
 quizzer among the benchers, I should guess. There's a vast bunch of 
 good legal jokes; and a sort of learning that nobody but a lawyer 
 could have acquired. He is a good-natured, polite and gemiinely 
 Miistocratic writer — I wish we had more such. Mayn't it ha Jiutler 
 himself? 
 
 Kempferhausen. I should have thought it possible, but he quotes 
 and praises Butler's books, and of course Butler is above all that sort 
 of trick. Somebody mentioned Dr. Nares.f 
 
 Tickler. Ah ! a good guess too. Why, the man that can write 
 both that Glossary of the Old English Tongue, and that admirable 
 novel of " Thinks I to Myself," may do any thing he pleiuses. The 
 Archdeacon is a first-rate man, or at least might be so if he chose to 
 give himself the trouble. 
 
 Odohcrty. Well, I hope we shall have more both of him and of 
 Butler. I shall be happy to see the review, Timothy ; but you know 
 you promised to do Allan's picture, and yet where is it ? The article, 
 I mean. 
 
 Tickler. Upon my soul, I had quite forgot. I hope the picture is 
 sold ere now. 
 
 Odohcrty. I see it is considerably lauded in the Literarj' Gazette 
 and elsewhere. Raeburn and he always keep up our art at the exhi- 
 bition. 
 
 Tickler. And Wilkie — but I shall say nothing of him, for I observe 
 Hazlitt abuses us for being so proud of him. 
 
 Odohcrty. I think he might take to abuse of you for being so proud 
 of Allan too — really Allan rises every day.| 
 
 Tickler. Yes, sir — that figure of John Knox is the finest effect his 
 
 * By Miss Ilawkins, I believe. She was daughter of Sir John Hawkins, the friend and execu- 
 tor of Dr. Samuel Johnson, of wliom he wrote a biograpliy, severely handled by tlie critics— 
 but with peculiar acerbity by " Peter Pindar." — M. 
 
 t Dr. Robert Narcs, wliose novel " Tliinlis I to Myself" was very popular, about half a cen- 
 tury ago, was co-editor for many years (with Mr. Beloe) of the Britisli Critic, a Iiijili-cliurch 
 literary review. He wrote several recondite piiiiological works, and when he died in ISW, 
 held four or five ricli preferments in the Church — M. 
 
 J It is scarcely necessary to go into details respecting painters so well known as Raeburn, 
 Wiikie, and Allan.— The first, who was the best portrait-painter of his time in Scotland, died
 
 [',"20 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 pencil li.is made. ITeavens! to think of these rich people buying 
 Tenierses and Gerard Dows at such prices, when they could get soine- 
 thinif so infinitely better — with nil tlnir merit, and sonu-thino^ fifty 
 times boymd them iuto the bargain — fur, comparalively speaking, a 
 mere trifle. 
 
 Odokerty. Come, I don't know what you mean by trijlcs — and as 
 for Allan, he can't comj)laiu, for devil a piece of his own handiwork h;is 
 he upon his hands. 
 
 7'ickler. That's right — so much genius united with so much indus- 
 try always must conmiand success. I am glad to hear he gets on so 
 well, lu>\vever. 
 
 Odoh«rty. You'll see him in his chariot ere he is three years older. 
 
 Hofjp. Set him up wi' chariots ! Deil mean him! I think if yon 
 auld clattering rickerty of a gig do - for a poet like me, a shelty may 
 serye ony brushman amang them. Chariots! 
 
 Odoherty. Pooh ! I mean to sport a c oach and six myself one of 
 these days. What do you think I have been ofiered for my ncv 
 woik ? 
 
 Tickler. " The AVest Country, a Novel ?" 
 
 Odoherty. The same.* Guess, Timothy. 
 
 Hoyy. Five hundred ? 
 
 Tickler. A cool thousand ? 
 
 Odoherty. Fifteen hundred guineas, by the holy poker ! What 
 think ye of that, Jamie Hogg ? 
 
 lloyy. Fifteen hundred guineas! hoh, sirs ! What will this warld 
 come to ! Thae bookselleis are turned princes. It will be an awfu' 
 book for selling though. Captain. It is all about Glasgow. 
 
 Odoherty. Glasgow, Paisley, and Greenock — these clasical haunts 
 are all included under this most rural title. It is to be my chef 
 d''a'uvre. I intend to take Gait and annihilate him — I mean his 
 " West CountiT," the old "West Country," the "Entail." 
 
 Hoyy. Do that, and you'll do something. 
 
 Tickler. Depict a living idiot equal to Wattie,f and eris mihi Mag- 
 nus Apollo ! 
 
 Odoherty. No want of idiots ; but, as Hogg says, " wait a wee." 
 Have any of you seen the concluding cantos of Don Juan ? 
 
 Tickler. Oh ! we have all seen them. North has had a copy of 
 them these six weeks. I wonder if they're ever to get a publisher.f 
 
 in 1?2.'?, — in subjects of (ionicstic life, none surpassed the second, whose death took place in 
 Gi)>raltar Itay, in )s41,— the last, who had mastered the difBculties and reprodiiced the spirit 
 of Eastern iiie, died in 1S50. All three were successively presidents of the Koyal Scottish 
 Academy, and had been knighted. — M. 
 
 • Which never was written. 
 
 + The half-witted hero of "The Entail." — M. 
 
 X Cantos I. and II. of Don Juan were published in July, 1S19, without the name of author or 
 publisher. Cantos III., IV. and V. appcarec' tot,'ether, in August, 1S21, still without the namo 
 of either author or bookseller. Cantos VI., VII., and VLU., written at Pisa, in July, 1S22, wero 
 published in London in July, 1623. — SI.
 
 DON JUAN. 321 
 
 IIog(/. They're extraordinary clover — they're befter even than tho 
 twa first; but that ruischievous Constitutional Association will not lot 
 ony body daur to print them.* And, after all, it's maybe as woi?I, 
 sac, for they're c^oy wicked, I must alloo ; and yet, it's amaist a pity, 
 ^Odohcrly. I have a great mind to turn bookseller myself, just on 
 purpose to put an end to all this nonsense. A pretty story, truly 
 that two cantos of Byron's best poetry should be going a begging for 
 a midwife ! Horrible barbarism ! 
 
 Tickler. Just retribution ! How are the mighty fallen ! 
 
 « Crede Bvron ! !"t 
 
 Odohcrty. Crede humbug ! {Left speaking.) 
 
 * A Society which was organized in London, to prevent and punish tlie publication of Im- 
 moral and seditious works. It raised large funds by subscription, but did little more thaa 
 Sf end thera, chiefly in heavy salaries and pood dinners. — M. 
 
 t '• Creile Byron," — the heraldic laotto of the house of Lyron. — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 23
 
 No. IX.— JUXE, 1823. 
 
 Odoherty. Make your mind easy, my old poet, about it. They 
 stand no more in need of your assistance, than a seventy-four wauls to 
 be towed through the Bay of Biscay by a six-oared yawl. 
 
 Xorth. There would be no liarm, however, in saying, that Quen- 
 tin Durward is a splendid book ? 
 
 Odoherty. And as little good. Why need you hold your farthing 
 candle to the sun ] Hang it, man, never deal in axioms. I was truly 
 sorry to see you in your last Number so anxious to show up ihe Vi- 
 comte Soligny as an ass, when every body saw his measureless ears, 
 j>rickod up in proud defiance, affronting the dnyliglit.* 
 
 Buller. We pun.stei-s of llhedyciua are indignant with the Great 
 Magician for missing a capital pun, and making a poor one. You re- 
 member what Louis says to Tristan L'Hermite when he is confined, 
 and wishes to have the astrologer hanged — that pun about ^tt/«. 
 
 Tickler. Yes ; here's the passage. " Tristan, thou hast done many 
 an act of brave justice — finis — I should have said/M««s coronat opus." 
 
 Buller. Read it, meo periculo, funis coronat opus. " We must 
 crown the business by a rope." Isn't it more professional ? 
 
 JVorth. Decidedly, a much better pun. Is it yours ? 
 
 Mnllion. Has Durward been dramatized yet ? 
 
 2>orth. I don't know ; but I suppose it has. Terry would have but 
 little labor en his banc's, for many of the scenes are dramatic enough 
 for the staoe even as thev are.f 
 
 Mullion. The defiance of Crevecoeur, for instance. There need not 
 be a word added or diminished there. 
 
 Tickler. That certainly is a magnificent scene — a model for all de 
 fiances. 
 
 Odoherty. Could not we get up a thing of the kind here, in our 
 own wav ? 
 
 North. How ! What tlie deuce have we to do with such tilings ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, then, I'll tell you, my ancient biscuit-biter. A* 
 soon :is Constable's new shop is finally settled — painters, glaziers, ma- 
 
 • A review, in the May number of BtacJcicood, of " Letters on Enprland, by Victoire, Couut 
 (le .Si)lijtiiy," publijilieil t)y Colburn, of London, and affiliated, by Maga, upon little Tims, the 
 Cockni'y. who was one of tlie puests in the ent, in August, 1S19, as heretofore related. — M. 
 
 t QuiTujii Durward, published in June, 1S2-'?, was the first of Scott's Actions which obtained 
 repuUition on the Continent. Terry, who adapted several of the novels for the stage, did not 
 take tliU in band, but it %oaa dramatized, and made a splendid spectacle. — M.
 
 THE DEFIA^JTCE OF ODOITERTT. ^Oy 
 
 f^ons, ti]ers, slaters, carpenters, joiners, upholsterei-s, paperers, an*! all 
 that fry, bowled out clean, there is to be a high dinner given to all the 
 men of bine and yellow. Jeffrey in persona in the chair. 
 
 Norlh. Well, what then? 
 
 Mall ion. T suppose that when the Reviewers are mustered, Odoherty 
 wishes thcni to he peppered. 
 
 North. Knit hiiu up to the stanchions for that pun. It is bevond 
 question the worst I have heard since the days of Harry Ei-s'kine. 
 Pcrr/e, Sianifer. 
 
 Odoherty. Would not it be a good thing for you to defy liim then 
 and there, when surrounded by the host of the ungodly ? 
 
 Tickler. Who would be the ambassador ? 
 
 Odoherty. My own mother's son ; and you should be herald, being a 
 man of inches. I should not dress exactly a la Crevecoeur ; but hand 
 me the first volume of Quentin, and I shall follow it as close as possible. 
 
 North. Here, most worthy legate. 
 
 Odoherty {reading Quentin Durward, vol. i. p. 205, with a sli>/ht 
 deviation from the words of the text). Would not this read grandly 
 in future ages, " Ensign and Adjutant Morgan Odoherty, a renowned 
 and undaunted warrior " 
 
 MuUion {aside). Over a tumbler of punch. 
 
 Odoherty. "Entered the apartment, dressed in a military frock-coal, 
 thi(;kly frogged, black stock, Cossack trowsers, Wellington boots, an<l 
 steel spurs. Around his neck, and over his close-buttoned coat, hung 
 a broad black ribbon, at the end of which dangled a quizzing-glass. 
 A handsome page " 
 
 Hofjy. Wha the deil will he be ? 
 
 Odoherty. Don't interrupt me. " A handsome page, James Hogg, 
 Esq., Shepherd of Ettrick " 
 
 Hogy. Hear till him ! Me a page to a stickit Ensign ?* 
 
 Odoherty. "Bore his hat behind him. A herald preceded liim, 
 bearing his card, which he held under the nose of Francis; while the 
 ambassador himself paused in the middle of the hall, as if to give 
 present time " 
 
 Tickler. What, by the way, did the Great Unknown mean by such 
 a phrase as '■'■ 'present time?" 
 
 Mullion. Perhaps, because the business was no past time. 
 
 North (springs up in a rage). By Jupiter Ammon, MuUion, another 
 such pun, and I will fine you a bumper of magnesia water ! 
 
 Odoherty. "As if to give present time to admire his lofty look, 
 commanding stature, and the modest assurance which marked the 
 country of his birth." 
 
 * When a licentiate of the Scottish church, whose devotion or ambition h^s led him into the 
 pulpit, happens to fail as a preacher, he is usually spoken of as " a stickit Uominie." lu like 
 manner, no doubt, Hogg thus alluded to Odoherty as a mere carpet-knight.— M.
 
 J^'^t N0CTE6 AMDROSIAN^. 
 
 Omnes. Hoar, hoar, hoar ! 
 
 Odohertij. Well, I'll skip on to the defiance at once. Turn to page 
 213. (-1 rustUnp of leaves is heard.) "Hearken, Francis JeilVoy, 
 Kin-^' ut" BliK' an.l Ve-llow — Hoarkon, scribos, and balaaniitos, who 
 niiy lie presout^ — Uoarkon, all shy and shabby raon — ami thou, 
 Tiiuothv Tickler, make proclamation after me — I, Morgan Odoherty, 
 of the barony of Iffa and Otta west, and the parish of Knockman- 
 downv, late Ensign and Adjutant of the 99th, or his Majesty's Tippe- 
 nirv ro<''iniont of infantry, and Fellow of the Royal, Phrenological, 
 Antiquarian, Auxiliary Bible, and Celtic Societies of Edinburgh ; in 
 the name of the most puissant chief, Christopher, by the grace of 
 lirass, Editor of Blackwood's and the Methodist Magazines ; Duke of 
 Humbug, of Quiz, Puftery, Cutup, and Slashandhackaway ; Prince 
 Paramount of the Gentlemen of the Press, Lord of the Magazinens, 
 and liceut of the Ivoviewers ; Mallet of Whiggery, and Castigator of 
 Cockaigne ; Count Palatin of the Periodicals ; Marquis of the Holy 
 Poker ; Baron of Balaam and 131arnoy, and Knight of the most sting- 
 uur (Jrder of the Nettle, do give you. King of Blue and Yellow, openly 
 to know, that you having refused to remedy the various griefs, 
 wrongs, and offences, done and wrought by you, or by and through 
 your aid, suggestion, and instigation, against the said Chief, and his 
 "loving subjects, the authors in particular, and the Tory people in gen- 
 eral, of this realm, he, by my mouth, renounces all belief in your 
 assery, pronounces you absurd and tnishy, and bets you sixpence, that 
 he beats you as a critic and as a man. There, my tester is posted in 
 evidence of what I have said." 
 
 Omiies (with enthusiasm). Hear him ! hear him ! hear him ! 
 Odoherty. Let me go on, for I think the remainder would be ap- 
 plicable. " So saying, he plucked the sixpence from the bottom of his 
 breeches pocket, and flung it down on the floor of the hall. 
 
 " Until this last climax of the bet, there had been a deep silence in 
 the Whig apartment during this extraordinary scene; but no sooner had 
 the jingle of the tester, when cast down, been echoed by the deep 
 voice of Timotheus, the Blackwoodian heridd, with the ejaculation 
 'Vive Tote de Buchanan!' than there was a general tumult; while 
 Brougham, Sydney Smith, Leslie, and one or two others, whose coats, 
 whole at the elbows, authorized the suspicion that they could sport 
 the coin, fumbled in their pockets for wherewithal to cover the six- 
 jx'uce; the Seven Young Men exclaimed, 'No bet with you, Butcher I 
 i>ul)l>le, bubble ! Comes he here to insult the King of the Libellers 
 in his own hall ?' 
 
 " But the King appeased the tumult, by exclaiming, in a voice 
 agreeably composed of the music of an English coachee grafted upon 
 a genuine Embro' brogue, ' Silence, my lieges ! Cover not the bet, for 
 you wouiiJ ose your blunt; Christopher is too rum a customer for me 
 
 >>»
 
 LKDDY GKIPPY. 3 05 
 
 ITwifi. Od, ni;in, that's the verra way Advc-at.-, JcflVov spoal-s. 
 
 Tickler. It would be ;i iiiic subject for a picture. 1 shall sui^.o-si it 
 to Allan, when I see him next. 
 
 Mullion. h could be called the "Defiance of Dohertv." 
 
 Odohertii. I trouble 3-ou for the vowel, my friend — c3dohcr)v, if v«,ii 
 please — I have no notion of any body's being alliterative at myex- 
 pense. 
 
 Tickler. Yes, it would be a grand liistoricai paiiitirg. The sm.di- 
 pig stare of the great man himself — the scowling fur) 01 Untiigham 
 — the puckered-up nose of the Mercuiial Parson — the jobltcrr.owl 
 gape of "our f;it friend"* — the sentimental visage of the " Moflern 
 rygmalion" — the epileptical frenzy of the half-human counb-iiance 
 
 of the , and the helpless innocence of the Seven Young M.'ii, 
 
 would be ti-uly awful and sublime, while the magniiicenceof the 
 Odolierty 
 
 Odoherty. The stateliness of the Tickler- 
 
 Tickler. And the beauty of the Hogg, would aftbrd a fine fore- 
 ground. 
 
 Buller. Allan should lose no time. If he does not do it at once, as 
 I am off" for London to-morrow, I shall speak to that other great 
 master of the sublime, George Cruikshank. 
 
 North. There is another defiance in the third volume, where De la 
 Marck sends Maugrabbin to the Duke of Burgundy. 
 
 Mullion. If you copy that defiance, send Hogg as ambassador, for 
 he has the best title to be Rouge Sanglier. 
 
 Ho(jfi. I wish, doctor, ye would let Hogg alane. What for are ye 
 aye harling me intill your havers, by the lug and the horn? — I diniia 
 like it. 
 
 Odoherty. What! surly? 
 
 Hogg. It's no decent to be aye meddling wi' folks' personalities. 
 I'm suie by this time the whole set 0' you might ha' raair sense. Ye 
 ken what ye hae gotten by your personalities. 
 
 North. A decreet o' Court, Jamie, as Leddy Grippyf would have 
 said. 
 
 Tickler. Softly on that score. 
 
 North. What do you mean ? 
 
 Tickler. Have you not heard the news ? Why, the old woraar is 
 still alive. 
 
 Hogg. Godsake ! is she till the fore jet ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes ; all alive and kicking— and in town too. Gait was 
 taken in by the jeu d' esprit in the respectable elderly paper, an- 
 nouncing that she died much and justly regretted. 
 
 • Sir John Leslie, deacribed by Scott as " a great pliilosopher, and as abominable an animal 
 as ever I saw." — K. 
 t The heroine of Oalt's novel of •' The Entail."— M.
 
 ;j2G NOCTKS AMDROSIJLNJi:. 
 
 Tickler. I see bv the twinkle of North's eye that he was at the 
 bottom ot" the story ? 
 
 MuUion. What story ? 
 
 Ticklir. <;>f her uf'ath. The notice of her decease was a hoax, they 
 5av, cfut up iu the baek shop. 
 
 JJixig. That naebody need misdout ; mony a hoax and ither black 
 jobs liae been cieeket there. 
 
 O'/ohcrti/. The Clialdee, Jamie. 
 
 Tickli r. The leddy means to raise an action. She lays the damages 
 at live thousand pounds sterling. 
 
 J/or/o. And I'll lay the wad o' a crown, that she'll no fake a f;ir- 
 thint,'; but. Captain, tell us a' about it — Man, this is capital. I'll 
 obligate Ebony to pay us for an extra number — an extra number cleais 
 liis scores for Christ oidier's pranks. 
 
 Bailer. Do, Captain, let's have it. Sure we are all alike implicated 
 in whatever affects the general concern ? 
 
 Odohcrtij. The fact is, that Gait did not well know how to wind up 
 the Entail ; and I advised him to kill the old hen o\\. 
 
 Buller. And you cleared the way by the prematuie notice of her 
 death, did you ? 
 
 Odoherty. Just so — but had the facetious paragraph which I pre 
 pared to contradict the melancholy intelligence been inserted in Bal- 
 lantyue's Classical Journal, it would have dried all eyes iu the happiest 
 stvle imagiuable. 
 
 Mullion. And wliy did it not appear ? 
 
 Odoherty. I took it myself to the office, but with all the taste and 
 discrimination which distinguishes the management of that weekly 
 obituary of taste and line writing, the communication was declined, 
 unless the editor might be permitted to announce that it was "from a 
 correspondent." I should, however, add, that the refusal was couched 
 in the politest manner possible. 
 
 Buller. Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re. 
 
 Mvllion. O yes — the newspaper editors have of late grown so 
 cursedly conscientious, that no ordinary consideration will induce them 
 to insert the most indirect puff possible, upon their own responsibility, 
 save to serve an unknown friend.* 
 
 {£nter a Devil with a proof-sheet^ which is handed to Odoherty 
 — Iloyg looks over the EnsigrCs shoulder.) 
 
 bTlvll)^, *' 1 11 tell you niiiii 1 u;iii iiu — 1 Miaii r*;i^ ijiai iiic it^i'c uititw, uuiwic mc "«»o v|mi^ ^j^~ 
 
 tinci, aiiii that imiuediate and skilful medical assistance restored the vital spark. Beyond 
 ^Ai/t, you cannot expect me to po." There is nothing, in a newspaptr, bu B/:,teniatic as pro* 
 cmiuiiiig your own infallibility and questioning that of all others. — M.
 
 odouerty's novel. 327 
 
 TToffft. Eh ! Captain — are ye sae f;ii- forrit already wi' your uovol ? 
 
 Tirkler. How! Odohcrty ! are you really then at press widi "Tnn 
 \Ykst Country ?" 
 
 Horig [taking hold of the proof-sheet and looking at it). 'Dfod 
 is he — and — na, as I'm a soul to be saved, he has a' (Jail's folks. 
 There's Doctor and Mrs. Priugle at the very head o' the chapter — ilio 
 seventeenth chapter. 
 
 Oiiincfi. Read, read, Hogg ! 
 
 Odohn'tg. There — take it. 
 
 Hogg {reads). " TKo General Assembly," — that's the name o' tliis 
 chapter. 
 
 Odohcrty. No sneers at the institutions of the country. I I'ovem 
 the General Assembly — I respect the King's Commissioner — I ad- 
 mire the table and triumphant ai'ches thereof^ — I laud the proccs 
 sion — I love the Moderator's cocked-hat and breakfast. But, proceed, 
 Jamie. 
 
 Hogg [reads). " Doctor Pringle and the Mistress took up their first 
 abode at Leith, in the Exchange Hotel, one of the quietest houses for 
 perpons and families of sedate and clerical habits, in the whole coun- 
 try — for having brought in their own carriage, the distance from Ed- 
 inbuigh was of no consequence, though Mrs. Pringle daily grudged 
 the high shilling toll on Leith Walk, and thought the liaillies of Ed- 
 inbro' great extortioners for exacting so much." Odd, Cai)lain, ye 
 wagered that ye would write a book about the West in Gait's stvle — 
 noo, this is no ae bit like it. 
 
 Omnes. Proceed ! proceed ! 
 
 Hogg [reads). " Sir Andrew^ Wylie had promised to take tea with 
 them — and Andrew Pringle had also engaged himself, at his motlier's 
 earnest entreaties, to be present, in order to help his worthy father 
 and her to entertain the little Baronet. The Count and Countess Mi- 
 lani, alias Mr. and Mrs. Goldenball, had returned from their matrimo- 
 nial excursion to the North, and the Doctor " This, Captain, Mill 
 
 never do. 
 
 Odoherty. Turn over to the tea-making — there you will lind, I flat- 
 ter myself, some smack of the original. 
 
 Hogg [turns over a leaf or two and reads). " I ne'er," said Doctor 
 Pringle, " could hae thought it within a possibility, that after the sore 
 trials Mrs. Oswald had come through " 
 
 Tickler. Mrs. Oswald ! Who the deuce is she ? I remember no 
 such person in any of Gait's works. 
 
 Odoherty. " Margaret Lyndsay !" The Doctor was speaking of her.* 
 
 Tickler. What has she to do in your work, Odoherty ? 
 
 Odoherty. Read on, Hogg. 
 
 ♦ Wilson's " Trials of Marg.nret Lyndsay."— M.
 
 328 NOCTES AMBROSIANJE. 
 
 Hoffg {redds). " I ne'er," said Doctor Pringle, *' could liae though 
 it witiiiu a possibility, that after the sore trials Mrs. Oswald had coiufl 
 tlirou-rh, she would have been so soon pei-suaded by Mr. MacTaggart 
 to rliaiige her lite." 
 
 "Slie took him in her advanced years for a bein down-seat," said 
 Sir Andrew Wylie. 
 
 " Av, av," replied Mrs. Princ^le. " nane o' your overly neeous, swoet- 
 I.ppit madams fur me — Mrs. Mac-Taiji^art — Mrs. Oswald that was — I'll 
 ne'er deny she didna meet wi' an affliction, but we hae a' had our ca- 
 lamities." 
 
 *• It's a very just observe," said the Doctor ; " nnd though me and 
 Mrs. Prin<;le there have lived long together in a state o' very plea-sant 
 felicity for mony a day and year, yet, if it be the Lord's will to tiike 
 me to' himself first, I would think it no sin in her to marry again;" 
 ;.ud he added, looking tenderly to the Mistress, " but, deed, Jenny, my 
 dear, I wouldna like to see't." 
 
 Omues. Bravo, Captain ! 
 
 Odohcrty. Yes — I think you must allow that pathetic touch to be 
 Gait to the backbone. 
 
 Horfff. Ye mav brai; as ve like, Captain ; but it's nae mair like his 
 way. than the baukie bird's like the peacock. What say ye till't, 
 Christoj)her ? 
 
 North. I have my suspicions. Confess at once. Captain. Throw 
 yourself on our mercy. Acknowledge that Gait assisted you with the 
 (ieni'ral Assembly chapter. 
 
 Buller. Veniat manus auxilio, qujE sit mihi 
 
 Tickler. But joking apart. Is Gait really the author of these books? 
 
 Buller. I have heaid 
 
 Omncs {in amazement). ^Vhat have you heard ? 
 
 Enter Ambrose. 
 
 Ambrose. Mr. North, a lady Trouid speak with you. 
 
 North. Me ! 'Tis too early in the night. What like is she ? 
 
 Ambrose. " Rather oldish." 
 
 Odoherty. What, Ivit — does the taste of your loyalty go that length f 
 — lUit show the gentlewoman in. {Exit Amdrose.) 
 
 MtilUon. A lady inquiring for a gentleman at Ambrose's between 
 elivcii and twelve ! 
 
 Tickler. You never told us, North, of your marriage? But murder 
 will out, you see. Enter Mrs. North ! 
 
 Enter Ambrose showing in Leddy Grippy. 
 
 Omnes {all ri.siju/). Mrs. Walkinshaw ! 
 
 7'he Leddy. That's my name for want of a better.
 
 FAMA CLAMOSA. 32D 
 
 North. A gl;iSK for Mrs. Walkiusliuw. 
 
 The Leddy. Whilk's Mr. North ? 
 
 Hogc;. Yen's him — ye might hae kent liim by the powdered wig 
 and the green specks, and the stult at the chair hack. 
 
 Tlic Leddy. Ilae ye sure een, Mr. North, that ye canna th(jle the 
 hght, or is't only because ye ken that ye darena look nie in the face? 
 — but if ye'Il no face me, ye'll maybe hae to face far waur — fjr I'll b« 
 as ])Iain as I'm pleasant wi' you, Mr. North. This night 1 will hao 
 justice done, or the morn's morning I'll maybe gar you claw wharo 
 it's no yeuky. Gent](;men — for nobody should be bird-moutiied in a 
 case of extremity — I'll pannel you for a jury atween me and Mr. 
 North, there sitting, and ye sail be, in the words of law and gospel, a 
 covenant and jurisdiction in the great thing between us. 
 
 North. I know nothing about it — I know nothing about it — if you 
 have any business with mo, call again, this is neitlier a tit time nor 
 ])lace. 
 
 The Leddy. Warna ye art and part guilty of a fama clamosa, ia 
 the Hebrew tongue, and on the language of Scripture ? 
 
 North. I don't understand you, madam. AVhatever I ara respon- 
 sible for, these gentlemen are equally responsible. 
 
 The Leddy. Then ye're a' conjoint and colleague for a cessio bono- 
 rum., to help one another. 
 
 Omnes. AH ! 
 
 Odoherty. May I be so bold as to aslc in what way does a gentle- 
 woman of your years of discretion desire our help ? 
 
 The Leddy. Touts ! Nane o' your animal eagerness, as Mr. Peveril 
 the author ca's 't. I camna here for pastime — but on a salacious case 
 and question ; in short, I'm an injured woman — a damaged person, 
 seeking redress in consequence of Mr. Jamphrey • 
 
 Odoherty. The devil ! What has Jefirey done to you ? 
 
 The Leddy. Done ! — what hae ye done to him, that he lias in a 
 manner washed his hands clean o' Mr. North, and a' his connections — 
 the whilk decision and verdict on his part obligates me to come here 
 .myself — in propria persona — and form of pauper. 
 
 North. Well, and what is it that you w^ant ? 
 
 The Leddy. Heh, Mr. North ! but ye're a pepper-box. I rede you 
 to keep ony sma' share of temper that ye enjoy — ye'll hae n<'ed for't 
 a'. Ye see, gentlemen, as I was saying, having had a comfable wi' 
 Mr. Jamphiey, and hearing, as I was telling, how he's under the 
 greater and lesser excommunication, and put to the horn with you 
 and by you — and is thereby terrified out of his senses at the thought 
 of having any thing to say to you, I thought, thinks I, before the outr 
 lay o' feeing ither counsel, I would try my hand at an amicable ar- 
 rangement. Mr. North, there where he sits, liiding his face like an 
 ill-doer, as he well knows he is to me and mine — But no to summer
 
 330 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 mill wintor — in short, jjentlemen, I hae come for a solaciiim — being 
 intonned that Mr. Xortli L:is been art and j)art in causintj it to bo 
 set fortli and jiublishod to the world, that I was dead, thouirh the 
 malice pri-pense was softened, as Mr. Jamj)lirey said, by the iiiueh and 
 justly regietted. Now, is it not a most injurious and daiiiageou? 
 thinij, to put forth a calamity of that kind against a living and life 
 like woman I For, supposing I had a friend in the jaws o' death — think- 
 ing o' making his ia>t will and testament, wherein he was mindit to 
 leave and Ix-qui-ath unto me a handsome legacy in free gratis gift, as a 
 testimony of his great regard, and the love he bare — and sujiposing 
 the doctor at his bedside were to tell him I was dead, or ony sympa- 
 thizing relation then and there j>resent were to give him a newsj>aper 
 to read, containing that interesting intelligence — and supposing that 
 he was thcrebv moved to score me out of his will, and to depart this 
 life — would not I have sustained a great damage — and could not I 
 thereupon constitute a ground of action, and raise a salacious plea, to 
 damnify me for the loss, detriment, and disappointment ? 
 
 Xorlh. Madam ! — you cannot expect us to deliver an opinion upou 
 a case, to which it would appear we are likely to be parties. 
 
 The Liddy. No — but I'll be content if ye'll just compound with me 
 for the felony. 
 
 Xorth. We can never, gentlemen, after such an appeal, be so un- 
 gallant as to allow a lady to go into court. 
 
 Omnes. Certainly not ; we shall agree to her terms at once. 
 
 The Lcdihj. Then, Mr. North, are ye willing to confess a fault to- 
 wards me ? 
 
 North. I throw myself at your merciful feet. 
 
 The LedJy. Ye hear that, gentlemen ; he confesses that he has 
 been guilty of laising a fama clamosa against me. 
 
 Omnes. He has : he has confessed. 
 
 The Leddy. And he said ye were ilk and a' alike concernt and 
 guilty, art and ])art, delinquent and culprit in the cjise. 
 
 Omnes. We did, we freely own it ; we are all responsible for this 
 matter, and, like him, cast ourselves at your merciful feet. 
 
 Odoherty. And we hope your leddyship will spare us in the kick- 
 ing. 
 
 The Leddy. I will do that ; ye'll find me very gentle. 
 
 Tickler [aside to North). Agree to any thing. Kit, to get rid of her. 
 
 The Leddy. And, Captain Odoherty, ye hae acknowledged yoursel 
 as guilty as Mr, North. 
 
 Odoherty (astonished). What is she after now ? 
 
 The Leddy. 1 take ye a' to witness, for I will produce the ano 
 against the other in court, that ye have acknowledged yourselves 
 guilty, with Mr, North, in the damage and detriment of a fama cla- 
 mosa on me. Noo, though I'm content with a solacium of a hundred
 
 A STAMPEDE. ^.31 
 
 pininds, and a hundred pounds for cost frao Mr. North, yt I Ikm-.-Iiv 
 g'ivc you notice, iu due form of law, that I intend furtlisviili, uhIi-sh 
 satisfied in the interim, to brini^ an action against you all st;vfrallv, 
 saving and excepting Mr. North, whose olfer I have accepted ; aud 
 having estimated my damage at five thousand pounds, I will h.ivo 
 that paid down to the uUennost farthing. 
 
 {^Exea ^t O/nutHf in the greatest panic and consternation.)
 
 No. X— JULY, 1823. 
 A FRAGMENT 
 
 Odoherttf. Chorus then, Buller, awake, man. Chorus, all of yoii, 
 I say. 
 
 Chorus of Contributors. 
 
 So Iriiitnph to the Tories, and woe to the Whigs, 
 
 And to all other foes of the nation ; 
 Let us be tiiroui^h thick and thin caring nothing for the prigs 
 
 Who prate about conciliation. 
 
 Dr. MiilUon. Bravo, Odoherty, bravissimo ! — that is decidedly one 
 of ymir veiy best etfusions. 
 
 Odoherty. No blarney to me, mon ami. I have taken my degrees 
 in that celebrated university. In candor, however, and equity, I am 
 bound to say, that I do think it a pretty fairish song, as songs go 
 uow-a-days. 
 
 North. AVliy, it must be admitted, that there is an a^vful quantity 
 jf bad songs vented just now. 
 
 Tickler. It must be the case as long as they issue in such shoals ; 
 the bad must bear a huge proportion to the good at all times ; for they 
 are just the ofF-thrnriugs of the ephemeral buoyancy of spiiit of the 
 day ; and as actual buoyancy of spirit generally breeds nonsense, and 
 atlcctation of it is always stupidity, you must e'en be content witJi youi* 
 three grains of wheat in a bushel of chaff. 
 
 North. Yes, yes — they must be from their very nature ephemeral. 
 "Which of all our songs — I don't mean particularly those of the present 
 company — but of all the songs now written and c-omposed by all the 
 song-writers now extant — will be alive a hundred years hence ? 
 
 Odoherty. Just as m;iny as are now alive of thor.e written and com- 
 posed, -IS you most technically phrase it, a hundred years since. 
 
 Tickler. And that is but poor harvest indeed. Look over any of the 
 song-books that cciitixin the ditties of our grandmothers or great-grand- 
 mothers, and you will scarcely ever turn up a song familiar to any body 
 but professed readers. 
 
 Odoherty. More's the pity. By all that's laughable, the reflection
 
 DE. KITCHENER. 333 
 
 s.a.Wens ,ne. _" TilLs to purge Melancl.oly," has Im.-o.uo a .n.-Ian.-lmli- 
 ons lH.ok m itsclt ;k ou road page after pag., pu/.xli„g yours.-lf tu 
 inake out he possil.ility— howany huuia.i Mi.,uth eoul.l l.y any ch-vi.-o 
 have got through the inehxlies— the uiieoulh iiK-lo.hcs _ 
 
 Bailer. You knoNv Toui D'Urfey's phu, ? Ue used to take a rountrv 
 dauce, the more lutncate the better— for jxs you see by his dediealioii he 
 pnded himself on tliat kind of legerdemain— aud then put words L it 
 as well as he could. 
 
 Odoherty. I know— I know— but I was saying that it is an unpleas- 
 ant sort ot feehng you have about you, when you peruse, like a groT>- 
 ing student, songs that you are sure made palace and pot-houses riiio- 
 with jollity and fun in the days of merry King Charles, and warmed 
 the gallantry of the grenadiers of Britain at the siege of Namur under 
 liooked-nose Old-glorious,* or of ' 
 
 Our countrymen in Flanders 
 
 A hundred years ago, 
 "When they fought like Alexanders 
 
 Beueath the great Marlboro'. 
 
 North. Ay, " tlie odor's fled." They are like uncorked soda-water. 
 Honest Tom D'Urfey, I think I see him now in my mind's eye, Ho- 
 ratio. Holding his song-book with a tipsy gravity, and trolling 
 
 forth 
 
 Joy to gi-eat Cjesar, 
 Loug life and pleasure, 
 
 with old Rowley leaning on his shoulder, partly out of that jocular 
 familiarity which endeared him to the people in spite of all his rascal- 
 ities, and paitly to keep himself steady, humming the bass. 
 
 Buller. Have you seen Dr. Kitchener's book ? 
 
 North. I have, and a good, jovial, loyal book it is. The Doctor is, 
 by all accounts, a famous fellow — great in cookery, medicine, music, 
 poetry, and optics, on which he has published a treatise.f 
 
 Odoherty. I esteem the Doctor. 
 
 North. The devil you do ! — after cutting him up so abominably in 
 my Magazine, in an article, you know, inserted while I was in Glas- 
 gow, without my knowledge. 
 
 Odoherty. Why are you always reminding a man of his evil-doings ? 
 
 * Willi;im III., whose " pious, glorious, and immortal memory" used to be the Orange charter 
 toast ill Ireland. — M. 
 
 t Dr. William Kitchener, more distinguished by gastronomic tlian medical knowledge, wrote 
 a book called " The Cook's Oracle," invente<i new and iiii|>n)ved old dishes, had bin friends, 
 as a "committee of taste," to pass judgment upon them at dinner, had very jileasaait <■««(■. r- 
 saziones for the male and female literati, and enjoyed life umcb. He insisted on punctuality, 
 and had a placard over his chimnej'-piece, inscribed, •' Come at seven, go at eleven." Utorga 
 Colman slily interpolated a monosyllable, making the line run, " go it at eleven." Optics aud 
 music, as well as gastronomy, supplied subjects for Kitchener's pen. He dii-d in lb-7. — M.
 
 334- NOCTES AitBROSIAN^. 
 
 CoiisidLT tliat 1 have beoa white-washed by the Insolvent Court S'nco, 
 Ji'ij let all my sins go with that white- washing. To cut the inattnr 
 shint, I had a most excellent cookery-book wiitten, founded on the 
 principles practised in the 99th mess, and was going to treat with 
 L tiignian's folks about it, when Kitchener came out, and pre-oc(!upiod 
 the market. Vou need not wonder, therefore, at my ticklii:g up tite 
 woithv Doctor, who himself eiijoved the fun, ]>eing a loval fellow to 
 the backbone ; a Tory tough and true. We are now the best friends 
 in the world. 
 
 MnUlon. Well, let that pass — what song-writer of our days, think 
 you, will live ? — Moore ? 
 
 North. Moore ! No, he has not the stamina in him at all. His 
 vei-ses are elegant, pretty, glittering, any thing you please in that line ; 
 but they have defects which will not allow them to get down to jws- 
 terity. For instance, the querulous politics, on your local atiairs, 
 Odoherty, which make them now so popular with a VQvy large class 
 of your countrymen, are mere matters of the day, which will die with 
 the (Jay ; for I hope you do not intend to be always fighting in Ireland? 
 
 Odoherty. I do not know how that will be — better fighting than 
 stagnating ; but, at all events, I hope we will change the grounds some- 
 what — I hate monotony ; I trust that ray woithy countrymen will get 
 some new matter of tumult for the next generation. 
 
 North. It is probable that they will — and then, you know, Moore's 
 — " Oh ! breathe not his name," "Erin, the tear," &c., tkc, will be just 
 as foigotten as any of the things in Ilogg's Jacobite relics. 
 
 Tickler. Wliich will ever stand, or rather fall, t\s a memento of the 
 utter perishablcness of all party song-writing. 
 
 North. And then there's Moore's accursed fancy for showing off learn- 
 ing, and his botany, and zoology, and meteorology, and mythology. 
 
 Odoherty. O ay, and the mixed metaphor, and the downright non- 
 sense — the song you quoted just now could be finely amended. 
 
 North. What song? 
 
 Odoherty. " Erin, the smile, and the tear in thine eyes, blend like 
 the raiiib«nv," <fec. Now, that is a washy, watery comparison for my 
 hard-drinking countrv. I lav £o that a jug of punch would be a more 
 accurate and truly philosophical emblem ; as thus. There's the Pro- 
 testant part of the population inferior in quantity, superior in strength, 
 apt to get at the head, evidently the whisky of the compound. The 
 Roman Catholics, greater in physical proportions, but infinitely weaker, 
 and usually very hot, are shadowed forth by the water. The Orange- 
 men, as their name implies, are the fruit, which some palates think too 
 sour, and therefore reject, while others think that it alone gives grate- 
 ful flavor to the whole. 
 
 Mullion. And what's the sugar ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, the conciliators dropped in among us to sweeten
 
 SONG OF A FALLEN ANGKL. 335 
 
 our acidity — and you know some tliink that, tlioy liavfi supplied witli 
 too liberal a hand — very much at the risk of turniM;jr tin; stoin irlis oJ" 
 llic company. 
 
 North. A hopeful illustration — but in truth, OdoliLTty, yuur wliolo 
 conveisation is redolent of nothing but drink. 
 
 Odoherty. I am like Tom Moore's First Angel — the gentleman with- 
 out a name, and admire compotation, not exactly " the juic»; of Kaitli," 
 liouever, as Tom calls it, that being, I take it, ditch-waler. 
 
 Midliori. You never saw the song Tom intended for this drunken 
 angel of his after his fall ? 
 
 Odnhertif. Not I — parade it — is it not in the poem ? 
 
 MuUion.. No ; Deninan, who is Moore's doer of late, cut it out, just 
 a.s he cut up the Fables.* I have a copy, however, which I bhall 
 
 sing. 
 
 SONG OF A FALLEN ANGEL OVEE A BOWL OF BUM-PUNCa. 
 
 ByT.M., Esq. 
 
 Heap on more coal there, 
 
 And keep the glass moving, 
 The frost nips my nose, 
 
 Though my heart glows with loving. 
 Here's the dear creature, 
 
 No skylights— a binnper; 
 He who leaves heeltaps 
 I vote him a mumper. 
 
 With hey cow rumhlo 0, 
 
 Whack ! popiilorum, 
 Merrily, merry men. 
 Push round the joruio. 
 
 What are Heaven's pleasures 
 
 That so verj' sweet are ? 
 Singing from psalters. 
 
 In long or short metre. 
 Planked on a wet cloud 
 
 Without any breeches. 
 Just like the Celtic.f 
 
 Met to make speeches. 
 
 With hey cow rumble; <tc. 
 
 Wide is the difference 
 My own boozing bullies, 
 
 Here the round punch-bowl 
 Heap'd to the full is. 
 
 he miKht .l,;ci(le on the question how libellous they «'"«--'\Y „ 
 
 t lie Celtic Society, at their annual diimer, always wore the kilt-M.
 
 33G NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Then if some wise one 
 
 Thinks that up " yonder" 
 Ia pleasjiiit as We are, 
 
 Why — lie's in a bhinder. 
 
 With hey cow rumble, «fec. 
 
 ^\orth. A very hopeful and well-behaved angel, by my word. 
 
 Muliam. Enough uf Moore. Campbell 
 
 Xuith. lias written one song which I hope will live long as " the 
 flag of Old England waves lordly in pride," — that is, 1 hope for ever. I 
 mean the Mariners of England. 
 
 Tickler. A glorious !?ong indeed ! But Campbell has disgraced him- 
 self by a shabby song, in the New Monthly, about the Spaniards. It 
 is not fit for a gentleman like Campl)ell to fall into the filthy slang of 
 the blackguards of the press, and write low stuti' about Prince Hilt,* or 
 to call the grand old stainless flag of France (which he knows — the 
 blackguards do not — is linked with so many splendid recollections) the 
 "White emblem of white liver." 
 
 JJr. Jfullion. Some of Sir "Walter's songs will certainly live. 
 
 North. Perhaps — those in his Poems and his Novels, if they are 
 his ; but I do not recollect any thing particular of any other ; and, in 
 point of foct, you never do hear them sung by any body. Bishop, by 
 the way, has very poorly set County Guy, very poorly indeed. 
 
 Odoherty. I like Bishop, a worthy pleasant fellow ; but, somehow 
 or other, I think his music generally but compilation, — a bar from this 
 body and a bar from that body — curiously indented and dovetailed, I 
 admit, but still only joinery and cabinet-making.f 
 
 North. Nobody has said a word about l>yron.J 
 
 Tickler. Dead as Harry the Eighth, and it is a pity. Heavens! 
 who can think that the author of Childe Harold, and Manfred, and 
 Don Juan, should have sunk to what he is now, a scribbler in a dirty 
 magazine, and a patron of the Hunts ! It, however, speaks volumes 
 in favor of the morality of the country, after all, when we find tliat 
 even genius, such as his, must sink, if it dares oppose what we are 
 still determined to call religion and loyalty. 
 
 Odoherty {handing The Island to North). I have brought down 
 Christian.§ Would you wish to look at it? 
 
 Bit Her Does it sell? 
 
 Odoherty. Not at all, though the third edition is advertised. T was 
 told at Longman's that they had not disposed of a hundred. It would 
 have a better chance with Murray ; but he and his lordship have bro- 
 
 ♦ So the Due d'Aiigouleme was called. — M. 
 
 t Mr. ISisliup, who h:i3 composed several operas, and the music for hundreds of songs, was 
 elected Professor of Music in tlie University of Oxford, and has been knighted.— M. 
 
 X I" August, 1S23, Byron embarked at Genoa, on his last, and glorious visit to 'Jreece.— M. 
 
 { "The Liland," which contains some passages as fine as Byron ever produced, was written 
 In tienoa, and published in June, 1&28.
 
 "the islaj^d." 3:^7 
 
 ken, after a furious quarrel. The correspondence between tlifui is 
 said to be curious. 
 
 Buller. Of course we shall have an awful libil on Joannes do Mo- 
 ravia in due time. 
 
 Odoherty. I hope so, from the bottom of my soul ; for tln.'n Murr.iv 
 will take vengeance in turn. I had rather than a tenpenny, and tiiai 
 cash, we could print TJyron's Critique on the Pot of IJaMl. 
 
 Ticlcler. Faugh, don't mention it. 
 
 North. Christian, I see, is a poor thing, with a good bit here and 
 there in it, but not the least originality. lie is the old hero — the 
 Lara, the Conrad, the fellow of whom his lordship found the germ in 
 Miss Lee's Kiuitzner, transported to Botany liay, or thereal>outs, wliere, 
 instead of mosques, and kiosks, and tambourgis, and pliingaris, we are 
 entertained with Toobonai, and Boolootoo, Mooa, Figi, Uooui, Licw, 
 (iuatoo, Goostrumfoo, et omne quod eudeth in oo. And the woman- 
 kind are the old womankind, not a bit the worse for the wear. 
 
 Tickler. Yes, and you have the same amazing industry in trans- 
 ferriniT Bligh's Nai'rative, that he has shown so often l)efore. But the 
 introduction, and indeed some other passages, remind us of the bett*.'r 
 days of Byron. Listen 1 
 
 " The morning ".vatch was come ; the vessel lay 
 Her course, and gently made her liquid way; 
 The cloven billow flashed from off her prow, 
 In furrows formed by that majestic plough ; 
 The waters with their Avorlds were all before; 
 Behind, the South Sea's many an islet shore. 
 The quiet night, now dappling, 'gan to wane, 
 Dividing darkness from the dawning main ; 
 The dolphins, not unconscious of the day, 
 Swam high, as eager of the coming ray; 
 The stars from broader beams began to creep, 
 And lift their shining eyelids from the deep; 
 The sail resumed its lately shadow'd white, 
 And the wind fluttered with a frcsh'ning flight; 
 Tiie purple ocean owns the coming sun, 
 But ere he break — a deed is to be done." 
 
 Odoherty. Very toploftical, to be sure. Commend me to the pane 
 gvric on what our friend Fogarty (from whom his^^lordship seems t.' 
 have taken the idea) calls " tobacco, lord of plants." 
 
 But here the herald of the self-same mouth 
 
 Came breathing o'er the aromatic south, 
 
 Not like a "bed of violets" on the gale. 
 
 But such as wafts its cloud o'er grog or ale. 
 
 Borne from a short frail pipe, which yet had blown 
 
 Its gentle odors over either zone, 
 
 And pufF'd where'er winds rise or waters roll. 
 
 Had wafted smoke from Portsmouth to the Pole, 
 
 Vol. I.— 24
 
 J3S N0CTE3 AMDROSIAX^. 
 
 Opposed its vapor as the lifflitning flashed, 
 And reek'd, 'midst niountaiii-billows unabash'd. 
 To .-Eoliis a constant sai rifioe, 
 Thious,'li every chanu'e '>f all the varying skiea. 
 And what was he who hore it? 1 may err, 
 But deem hiui sailor or philosopher. 
 
 Sublime tobaeeo ! whi<'h from east to west 
 
 Cheers the tar's labor or the Turkman's rest; 
 
 V/hieh on the Moslem's ottoman divides 
 
 His lioui-s, and rivals opium and his brides; 
 
 Magnificent in Stamboul, but loss grand, 
 
 Though not less loved, in AVapping or the Strand; 
 
 Divine in hookas, glorious in a pipe, 
 
 When tipp'd with amber, mellow, rich, and ripe, 
 
 Like other charmers wooing the caress 
 
 Jklore dazzlingly when daring in full dress; 
 
 Yet thy true lovers more admire by far 
 
 Thy nuked beauties — Give me a cigar! 
 
 Ami as we are talking of it, do band us over that paper of Cotton's 
 best, until I blow a cloud. 
 
 Xui'th. Why, Odoherty, you have scarcely brought us any news 
 from Li>ndon. 
 
 UJoiierty. IIow could you expect blood from a turnij) ? Tliere's no 
 news there. Parliament was just spinning down, when I quitted the 
 city, as drowsily as atetotura — nothing doing in the monde Utteraire — 
 the llaymarket gay, to be sure, and our friend Terry,* drollest of 
 actors, as he is among the worthiest of men, making the populace 
 laugh — but I brought you down a special article on London, from a 
 friend of mine, which will tell you every thing tellable,f so you need 
 not pump me. 
 
 Dr. Mudion. Did you see any of the gentlemen of the press? 
 
 Odohert)/. Saw the whole goodly army of martyrs in full array ; 
 *ust as stupendously dull as ever, and, unless I mistake, more vicious, 
 to speak as a jockey among the lower orders, than varmint. When I 
 knew the body first, they were a fine hard-drinking, pudding-headed 
 race, who just got through their balaam as fast as their fingers would 
 let tliem — spouted at the Eccentrics — regaled themselves with cheese 
 and porter, and occasionally, when the funds were good, with Uollands 
 and water, not caring a single sixpence for politics, or thinking them- 
 selves at all primed up with the opinions they were advocating — and 
 there are still some of that good old school surviNnng, with two or 
 
 • Terry, who was very intimate with Scott .ind his friends, made his reputation at Edinburgh 
 Theatre. In 1919, lie becnine uianaper of the H,\ymarket Theatre, Loudon, and joint lessee 
 anil tnanaf;er with Yates of the Adelplii in 1825. lie died in 1S2S. 
 
 t This special article was tlie leader in Sliickicood, for July, 1S23, and was written by Dr. 
 Maifinn, wlio had removed, a short time before, from Cork to London. The article bears thn 
 Dam« of " LoudoD Oddities and Outlines," and is smart, lively, and satirical. — M.
 
 THE PltESS-GA.NO. QP/J 
 
 tliioe. of whom [ got misty one tiiglit at Oftley's* — but, sir, tlie Cuck- 
 nev ])ortioii of them have been horribly altereil for tbe \vi>im'. 
 
 'jVorfh. How? 
 
 Odohcrtij. The poor creatures have actually s«'t iij) to have o|piiiioiin 
 of their own — the idiots — and to have peisoual (juarrcls, and aiiiino-i- 
 ties, and principles, and fiddle-de-dee. 
 
 Tickler. Mighty audacious. Can't they oat their victuals wiion 
 they get them in peace ? 
 
 North. The newspaper press is unquestionably becoming very base. 
 What a hideous, a detestable attack, some of the Whig and Kadicjii 
 papers made on John Bull 1 
 
 Odoherf//. Well, do the press-gang itself justice ! There was almost 
 a universal outcry at that brutal business even among themselves. It 
 was abominable. John, liowever, put it down like a man. 
 
 North. Well now, had the unfortunate Beaconites, wliich we still 
 have thrown in our faces, though heaven knows their woi-st crime was 
 stupidity, done any thing approaching that in atrocity, what an up 
 roai- would have been raised by the whole Whig party ! 
 
 Tickler. And deservedly, for they would have been base assa.ssius, 
 but the Whigs may do any thing — the basest as well as the most 
 malignant of people, 
 
 Odoherty {tiiiigs). 
 
 1. 
 
 Rail no more, Tories, rail no more ; 
 
 "Whigs are but asses ever, 
 On land, on wave, on sea, on sliore, 
 All rascals of white liver. 
 Then rail not so, 
 But let them go. 
 And be j'ou llitho and bonny, 
 Converting sounds of wrath and woe 
 Into hey niuny 1 nouny. 
 
 Sing merry ditties, and no mo 
 
 Of lumps so dull and heavy; 
 Tlie heads of Whigs were ever bo, 
 
 Since summer iirst was leavy. 
 Then rail not so, Ac. 
 
 There's a touch Shakspearian for you, in the twinkling of a bedpost. 
 North. You are not drinking any thing. Tickler. 
 Tickler. I cannot say I like>our wine. It is sourmg on my stem- 
 
 ach. 
 
 North. Cannot you get spirits then ? I'll concoct a jug. 
 
 • Near Covent Garden— now Evans's.— M.
 
 340 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 Tickler. So be it. {Sings) 
 
 Drink fo me only from a jug, 
 
 Aiol I will pl.'.l<ro in mine ; 
 So till my yliiss with whisky punch, 
 
 And I'll not look for wine. 
 The thirst tliat in my throat doth rise 
 
 Doth ask a drink divine; 
 But miirht I of Jove's nectar sip, 
 
 That honor I'd resign. 
 
 The second verse is not wortli parodying. Ay, this is so nething 
 like. Your health, Mr. Editor. 
 
 North. Mr. Tickler, I have the pleasure of drinking your ve'y good 
 health. Apropos, has not Boone published a poem* on things in gen- 
 eral ? 
 
 Odoherty. I saw one in a certain place sadly mutilated, and have 
 read only two pages. It is a puff on Mr. Canning. 
 
 Tickler. Very superfluous, therefore. It is, moreover, a good joke 
 to see the great man of the Council of Ten, the essence of granty, 
 thinking to flatter the witty Antijacobin by his balaam. 
 
 North. Canning must have laughed at the idea, in his sleeve, I 
 mean — for a minister can never laugh otherwise. 
 
 Buller. I suppose he addressed the book, 
 
 Boone, ne te 
 
 Fmstrere. 
 
 « « « * * * It 
 
 * This was entitled " Men and Things in 1823, a Political Sketch, in Three Epistles, to the 
 Right Hon. Geo. Canning, with copious Notes. By James Shergold Boone, M. A." — Of peeui 
 and poet, I am free to confess utter ignorance. — M.
 
 No. XL— AUGUST, 1823. 
 
 Norih. Nay, do not blusli, Easign. I thought you had dipped in 
 the Shannon. I believe you sing- extempore? 
 
 Mullion. Ay, and ex-trumpery. 
 
 North. Curse your pumiiug. Quaver away tliis. 
 
 {Throwing M. a paper.) 
 
 MiiUion (hums a 2)reludi6). Then, therefore, give clue audience and 
 attend. Milton, hem ' 
 
 1. 
 
 The birds have sung themselves to rest. 
 
 That sang around our bower ; 
 Tlie weight of the night-dew has bow'd 
 
 The head of every flower. 
 
 The ringing of the hunter's horn 
 
 Has ceased upon the hill, 
 The cottage windows gleam with light, 
 
 The harvest song is stilL 
 
 3 
 
 And safe and silent in the bay 
 Is moor'd each fisher's prow, 
 
 Each wearied one has sought his home. 
 But where, my love, art thou J 
 
 I pick'd a rose, a red blush rose, 
 
 Just as the dews begun, 
 I kiss'd its leaves, but thought one kiss 
 
 "Would be a sweeter one. 
 
 I kept the rose and kiss, I thought 
 How dear they both would be 1 
 
 But now I fear the rose and kiss 
 Are kept in vain for thee 1 
 
 Really a very pretty song. It was spoony in you to drop it out of 
 your pocket, Odoherty !
 
 3i2 NOCTES AiTBKOSIANJi:. 
 
 Odohcriij. And amazingly genteel in yon to sing it under the cir- 
 cumstances. It was about as bad as Brouuham's reading in Parlia- 
 ment Mr. Saurin's letter, picked out of Lord Noibury's pocket.* 
 
 JVorth. Is the author a secret ? 
 
 Odolierty. Not the least. Rest her soul ! she died of love. Her 
 name wjis Quashie Maboo — quite a sentimental negress, who kept 
 a canteen in the Bower}' Way, New York. Poetiy and peach-brandy 
 were the death of her. I got her a great Avake in 181G, for she was 
 tenderly attached to me. 
 
 Xor'lh. Wilberforce ought to quote this song as a pioof of negro 
 capacity. Was she pretty ? 
 
 Odohorty. Yes, black but comely — she squinted furiously, but it 
 passed for oijling ; and I can assure you her pine-apple rum was 
 superb. 
 
 MuUion. You were then a rum customer, I take it. Apropos of 
 love, Tom Moore is in Ireland, I understand. 
 
 North. So I am informed by letter from Killarney. He travels in 
 the train of the Marquis of Lansdowne,f who is visiting his Irish 
 estates. 
 
 Tickler. Tom goes as joculator, I suppose. Lansdowne, when in 
 office, was distinguished as a dancing-master, and gave Thomas, if I 
 mistake not, the place in the West Indies for his piping.J 
 
 North. I do not blame him for that, I rejoice to see literary merit 
 patronized, but there was something base and gi-ovelling — in a woid, 
 something truly Whig — in the rutHau treatment Dibdin§ experienced 
 from the gang which got into power in 1806. 
 
 Tickler. Dirty revengeful — and beggarly to the last degree. They 
 could not forgive him for ha\dng, in his glorious songs, stirred the 
 
 • Mr. Shell, In his " Sketches of the Irish Rar," (Article, Lord Norburv, vol. ii., p. 83,) gires 
 a different iind uncontradicted version. Norbury " wh? in the habit of stuffing papers into 
 the old chairs in his study, in order to supply the deficiency of horse-hair wliich the incum- 
 bency of eighty years had produced in tlieir bottoms. At last, however, they became, eTen 
 with the aid of this occasional sui>pleMient, unfit for use, and were sent by his Lordship to a 
 shop in which old furniture was advertised to be bought and sold. An individual of the name 
 of Monaglian got one of these chairs into his possession, and, finding it stulTed with papers, 
 drew them out. He had been a eierk in an attorney's office, and linew Mr. Saurin's hand- 
 writing." — It was a letter I'rom SaUiin, the first law-officer of the Crown in Ireland, to Lord 
 Norbury, Chief Justice, recommending him, when on circuit in the Kine's County, to talk to 
 I'role.-tant gentlemen about and against the Catholics and their claims ! Tlie authenticity of 
 tfie letter was undoubted, the alTair was discussed in Parliament, but the then Tory Ministry 
 cllectually screened Norbury and Saurin ! — SI. 
 
 t Mrs. Gilpin, we are told by Cowper, was economical, and had a frugal mind, even wh'.n 
 
 " She to pleasure was inclined." 
 Moore might have been her blood-reiation, adroitly managing, on most occasions, to " travel 
 in ilie train " of somebody who paic all the expenses. In his Diary are numerous records of 
 this.— M. 
 
 % No. — Moore was appointed Ucgistrar to the Admiralty Court, at Bermuda, in 1S03, and Lord 
 Lansdowne did not enter olBce until 1S.>6 ! — M. 
 
 § I>il)din, who wrote a great number of patriotic sea-songs, during the naval contests which 
 teru)inated at Trafalgar, received a Government pension, in acknowledgment of the service 
 they had done by inspiring and exciting the liritish tars. When the Whigs came into office, 
 in ISflt), lliey struck Dibdin's name out of the pension-list ! As a parly, they had opposed the 
 war, and were Jetermiued to punish the poet for doing any thing to encourage it. — M.
 
 DUKK OF SCSSKX. 3J3 
 
 ppiiil of Biitain against ilich friends tlie J:icol)ins; ami afconlin-rlv, 
 in his old age, the tilthy fellow, deprived him of a j-cnsion wliicirh.i 
 had earned by services to liis country, more solid lli.in (he ninc-tciillis 
 of those wliich have been the foundation of many a Wiii<r propi-rlv. 
 
 North. Well, well — they stick to one another, however; which 'is 
 more than can be said of other people who sliall be nameless. Yoti 
 know we have often contrasted the dift'erent treatment experienced l»v 
 this very Tommy Moore and Theodore Ilook, under the very same cir- 
 cumstances.* 
 
 OJohertij. Theodore, however, is winding up afier all, and must 
 eventually be cleared of all slur. If the details of his case were pnl)- 
 lished, it would be the expose of all the juost rascally piece of pitiful 
 persecution ever heard of; and I hope it loill be published some Hue 
 dav or other. 
 
 MulUon. You have heard Theodore's joke on his misfortune ? 
 
 Biiller. No, never. {^Aside.) Pius luillies jam audivi. 
 
 MulUon. Poh, man, you must have heard it ; it is in print. When 
 lie came from the Isle of France, he touched at the Cape of iJood 
 Hope, where he met Lord Charles Somerset. "Bless me," saitl ins 
 lordship, "what sends you home so soon. Hook — a complaint in yonr 
 liver?" — "No," replied Theodore; "a disorder in my c/ies^." You 
 certainly heard it ? 
 
 North. Why, yes; it's almost as venerable as any thing in Joe 
 Miller. 
 
 MulUon. I was aAvai'e of that, and only told it as a pivface to the 
 Duke of Sussex's admirable version of the story. The Duke, you 
 know, is very bright. 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, as one of Lamhtou's coal-scuttles. 
 
 MulUon. And hates Theodore, whom he suspects — with what rea- 
 son I cannot say — of having demolished him in Bull.f 
 
 Tickler. Whv, certainly, his highness has no gi'cat reason to be 
 obliged to the tribe of Bull ; for he was only suspected to be a block- 
 head formerly, but now is written down as an ass regular. 
 
 MulUon. Well, sir, an ultra fit of candor every now and tlien seizes 
 on hiu), and he panegyrizes Hook's wit. " I don't like the man, sir," 
 he says — "I don't like the man; but to do him justice; let us be 
 fair ; he's a droll fellow, sir — a droll fellow ; he tells you a good thing 
 — a devilish good thing now — ha, ha, ha ! — a most excellent thing. 
 You know he was at the Isle of France ; ay, and he came back trum 
 
 * Both had held colon.al appointments of trust. Each had suffered by his deputy's miscon- 
 duct. Hook was sent home in chains, and not even his own friends, the Tories, wiped away 
 the claim, but even seized his property while he was deail and milnirieil. Moore lluttiri-.l 
 about in society, spent a season or two at Paris, (with Oi;c.i=iunal flights to London,) and llnally 
 compromised for a few Imndreds. — M. . 
 
 + Theo<lore Hook, as Editor of John Bull, spared no leader of the antagonist Wlug parly. 
 The Duke of Sussex, pompous and proud, was frequently a victim.— M.
 
 3-Wr NOCTES AiEBROSIAN^. 
 
 ihe Isle of France too — ha, ha, ha ! and we all know why — ha, ha, 
 lia ! Well, then, coniinij home, he stopped at the Cape of Good 
 Hope — some jdace in India, you know — where he met Charles Som- 
 erset. Savs Charles to him, ' ^^'hy, Uook,' says he, ' what the devil,' 
 says he, 'brings you home? I hope,' says he, 'it is nothing ails your 
 liver?' Well, now, just mind what Hook said — devilish good — very 
 good, faith — I don't like the man, sir — I don't like the man ; but let 
 us be fair; he is a droll fellow, sir — a droll fellow. 'No,' says Ilook, 
 ' nothing ails my liver — never was better in my life,' says he ; 'but 
 there is a deficiency in my accounts, which I must go over to answer.' 
 Ila, ha, ha! Devilish good, was it not ? AVhen I heard it first, every 
 body laughed. Ha, ha, ha I" 
 
 Tickler. You are a capital mimic, Mullion. I wish Mathews had 
 til at story. 
 
 Xorth. No, no ; it would be scandalous to bring a prince of the 
 blood on the stage. Remember that he is a son of George HI., and 
 brother of George IV. 
 
 Tickler. Pooh ! Mathews could tell it of Signor , or 
 
 any other of the Duke's select circle. 
 
 Mullion. Who, by the way, regularly laugh at the joke, whenever 
 it pleases the Duke to tell it. It is his highness's best story, and is 
 always told on great occasions, state days, holidays, and the like. 
 
 JVorth. Come, gentlemen, change the subject, if you please. I do 
 not like to hear any thing disparaging to any son of him, who, no 
 matter what king may reign, shall be king of mi/ heart to the end of 
 the chapter. 
 
 Come fill up your wine, 
 
 Look, fill it like niiue; 
 
 Here, boys, I begin, 
 
 A good health to the King ! 
 
 Tims, see it go round, 
 
 "Whilst with mirth we abound. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 For we will be dull and heavy no more. 
 
 Since wine does increase, and there's claret good store. 
 
 Nay, don't us deceive 
 
 Odoherty. Upon honor, I filled a bumper from the foundation. 
 North. I did not address you, my good fellow. I spoke to Mullion, 
 who is fighting shj-; but do not interrupt me. 
 
 Nay, don't us deceive. 
 
 Why this will you leave? 
 
 The glass is not big, 
 
 What the deuce, you're no Whig. 
 
 Come, drink up the rest, 
 
 Or be merry at least.
 
 « r 
 
 TIS m VAIN TO COMPLAIN." 
 
 o I,> 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 For we will be dull and liccavy no more, 
 
 Since wine does increase, and tliere's claret good store. 
 
 Tickler. Out of rills to Purge Meianclioly, if I mistake not? 
 
 North. Yes, from the ^foresaid. It was a favorite cliaiit of wortliy 
 Di-. Webster, some forty years ago, wlieu we used to meet in tlie (Jiide 
 Auld Town, at tlie White Horse in tlie Oanongate. Many a scene I 
 have got through since tlie Aughty-Three. "And I said, the days «il 
 my youth, where are they ? And Echo answered, Where are they V 
 
 Odoherty. Pr'ythee, no more of your antediluvian recollections— 
 your dramas of the ancient world. 
 
 I 
 
 e^^ 
 
 --P 
 
 .__*_j_#_^ 
 
 
 
 l-r^-^-b 
 
 'Tis in vain o corn-plain, In a 
 
 me - Ian - clio - ly 
 
 strain. Of tlie 
 
 ^ 
 
 , — #^-#- 
 
 • ^ 1 1 1 
 
 F^ 
 
 r m » ^ m .lr« ^'" • 
 
 ¥■ 
 
 days that are gone, And will 
 
 » *-S -g-- 
 
 nt 
 
 ;v - er come a - gain. Be we 
 
 
 £ ^ ^— 1r-^ 
 
 — 
 
 -^ ^ "^ i — •• . ^- - 
 
 gay while we may, At what - ev 
 
 time 
 
 :5^±^ 
 
 -r- 
 
 locks ber - ry brown, Or be - mottled o'er with gray, 
 
 i 
 
 §5^ 
 
 W^ 
 
 -fe 
 
 ;5*.rzi^: 
 
 9'- 
 
 --t=:t-± 
 
 Be 
 
 t 
 
 -i 
 
 :ti 
 
 J: 
 
 m 
 
 our locks ber - fy brown. Or be - mot - tied all w ilh gray. 
 
 2 
 
 We have laughed, 
 We have quafi'ed, 
 We have raked it fore and aft, 
 But out of pleasure's bowl have not emptied all the draught. 
 Never mind 
 Days behind. 
 But still before the wind, 
 Float after jolly souls, full flasks, and lasses kind- 
 
 Buller. Extempore ? Stans pede m uno ?
 
 340 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Oiloherti/. Yes, on liouor. 1 was seized witli a fit of poetical fury. 
 BnlUr. Vou are almost as great as Pistrucci himself. 
 Odoherti(. 1 kuoek uuder to Coleridge ouly ; for he makes versea 
 ask-ep. 1 in;ike music sometimes iu that state, but never poetry. 
 
 Xorth. ilave you heard Coleridge's late epitaph ou himself, wliicl'. 
 he composed iu tlwit way ? 
 Tickler. No. Repeat it. 
 North. 
 
 Here lies poor Cole, at length and without screaming, 
 
 Who died U6 lie wa,s always wont, a drcaiaiug; 
 
 Sliot, :is with pistol, by the gout with in, 
 
 Alone, and all unknown, at Eiubro' in an inn. 
 
 Tickler. "Alone, and all unknown, at Embro' in an inu/* How 
 raouruful and musical ! I hope, before the day comes when my epi- 
 taph will be required for him, he will have the firmness to put forth 
 his strength, and take his place among our great men. 
 
 Jfullion. What are you thinking of, Ensign ? — ^^^ou don't hear what 
 any body says to you. You did not hear the E])itaph. 
 
 Odoherty. Beg your pardon — beg your pardon a thousand times 
 over — I was looking at these prints — they're new ones surely. — What 
 the devil are they ? 
 
 North. Pooh ! they're some new affairs — materials that Dr. Mullion 
 has got together for his Lectures on the Fine Arts. 
 
 Odoherty. Oh ! is that the case ? What are the subjects, pray ? 
 
 Mullion. Don't you see well enough what they are ? — Why, they're 
 the new set of prints come out by way of illustrations to Leigh Hunt's 
 poem of " The Choice," in the last Liberal. I shall lecture on them 
 one of these days. 
 
 Odoherty. The artist ? 
 
 Mullion. Nay, as to that I can't say. There's no name to the 
 articles ; but 'tis whispered that they are Haydon's. 
 
 Odoherty. Haydon's? — Impossible ! — impossible — not the least like 
 his style.* Why, they seem to be mere caiicatures. 
 
 Mullion. Not a bit— I assure you 'tis all dead earnest. There is 
 much gusto about them — a fine free sw^eep of pencil — a delicate sense 
 of the grace of things. They're very pretty sweet prints. I intend to 
 make Ambrose a present of them after my lecture is fairly done and 
 delivered. 
 
 Odoherty. By jingo, I can't make either head or tail of these things. 
 
 • lIay<lon mistook his vocation, when he became a nistorical Painter, — alt)iough he was as 
 pooil, iu that line, as most of liLs contemporaries. As a teaelier he was never surpasseil. Land- 
 seer, Lanr;e, Harvey, Eastlal:e, and a score more, are living examples of this. They were his 
 juipiW. As a public lecturer on the principles and practice of painting, no one ever ap- 
 proached him. He was written down, talked down, sneered down by the Hoyal Acadojiy, 
 which should have invited him to accept its highest honors. His mind was overthrown, anii 
 be perished by his own hand, on June ii2, 1S46. — M.
 
 LEIGH hunt's " CHOICE." 3I7 
 
 There should have Leen a motto, or somethinfj, at (he bottom, to K-t 
 one into the artist's meaning. What, now, is this here one, MuHiiiu i 
 
 MulUon. Tliere are mottoes to each of them, taken IVum the pot-ui 
 itself; but the frame-maker has, by some mistake, covered them with 
 liis pasteboard and giUling. Here, however, is the Liberal, No. i\'. 
 1 believe I can easily point out the api)ropriate passaj^t'S for your 
 benefit. 
 
 Odokerfi/. That's a good fellow. Well, then, what is the bit alluded 
 to here ? — (I haven't seen the last Liberal myself yet.) 
 
 MulUon. This print, sir, represents his Majesty of Cockaigne in the 
 attitude of doing what he says in his poem he is very foud of — admir- 
 ing Natui-e. 
 
 Odohertij. Nature ? — Why, he's at the tea-table. 
 
 MulUon. No matter — he's admirine: the "Goal of life." 
 
 Odoherty. The Bowl of life, you mean — he has the Slop-basin in 
 his dexter paw. 
 
 MulUon. Well — and what should he have ? He is talking in tlie 
 poem about bowers and showers, and treeses and breezes, and so forth ; 
 and he breaks out into this tine apostrophe, which is the motto to your 
 
 print : 
 
 " Come then, ye scenes of quiet and content, 
 Ye Goals of life, on which our hearts are spent 
 Meet my worn eyes — I love you even in vales 
 Of cups and saucers, and such Delfic dales " 
 
 Are not they sweet natural lines ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, Wales is a pretty country — and I dare say, even 
 on delft-ware, such as he seems to have on his table, the representation 
 yet may be charming. Seriously, this print gives us an amicable idea 
 of his Majesty. 
 
 Kempferhausen. Dear divine enthusiast ! Well, only to think of 
 people making a laughing-stock of this innocent-hearted, good, worthy, 
 gentle soul, that is quite happy, quite upon the air, with having a rural 
 peep of a few blue trees and cottages on a piece of crockery ware ! — 
 For shame ! for shame ! 
 
 Odoherty. What the deuce is this grand roll, North ? 
 
 North. You tidk of Dr. Mullion's lectures — I would have you know, 
 I mean to cut in upon that series of his myself. In a word, here goes 
 my lecture on these prints, and on the poem from which tliey sprung. 
 1 shall read it to you. Listen, boys ! 
 
 MR. north's lecture ON " THE CHOICE," 
 
 A Poem recently written by Leigh Hunt, a Convert and Vice-Poet-Laureate to 
 
 Blackwood's Magazine. 
 
 Our innumerable delightful qualities of head and heart, and, above 
 all, our invincible good nature, have at last made a complete convert
 
 34 S NOCTES AMBROSIA^^. 
 
 of Le\'j;]\ Hunt, and lie is never happy except when huuling iSlack- 
 woud's" Magazine to the seventh lieaveu. No sooner does lie jjut on 
 his yellow hreeches,* in the morning early, than he trips crisply down 
 fron'i his attic story into the hreakfast-parlor, and seasons every uioulh- 
 fiil of inuffin with' the mustard of Ebony, lie cannot write a note lo 
 Mr. l'v:;inalion the painter, or Mistress Molly the charwoman, wilii- 
 out trumpeting our praises; and will sit up for hours together in his 
 hed, with his j.erked-up mouth, and swaling night-cap,f gazing him- 
 self away through an t)pening in the dimity, on a striking likeness of 
 us, sketehed by oir common friend Uaydon, during his last visit to 
 Scotland. He is absolutely possessed — haunted — waylaid — bedridden 
 — not by an Incubus, God forbid, but by a most affable and benign 
 spiiit, hight Christopher North, who purities, by gentle ministrations, 
 the corruptions of his Cockney blood, and so tills his brain with 
 " fancies chaste and noble," that he is henceforth appointed our Vice- 
 Poet-Laureate, with a salary of four gallons of gin-twist, and a keg of 
 best Dunbar red-herrings, to be paid at Hampstead at " ten of April 
 morn, by the chime." Let no envious railer scoft" at Leigh Hunt as a 
 placeman and pensioner. No doubt, the situation is a lucrative one, 
 and with judicious economy, our laureate, if he may not live upon it 
 and lay by money, cannot fail to become a richer man every year. Ho 
 must not, however, buy any more busts of those "down-looking" Greeks, 
 and we recommend him (if he has not done so already) to sell his 
 piano-forte. He has but an inditierent ear for instrumental music, and 
 tuning is expensive. The position, too, either of a man or a Cockney, 
 at the ivories, is below the dignity of our laureate, and unworthy an 
 eater of red-herrings. The barrel-organ is a preferable instrument; 
 and we have heard that Mr. Hunt's execution upon it is to be equalled 
 only by his command over the hurdy-gurdy. But we are intruding 
 into the sacred privacy of domestic life, and therefore shall not again 
 j^anegyrize Mr. Hunt's musical powers, our Laureate although he be, 
 till we have the pleasure of meeting him in the street with a salt-box, or 
 in a lane with a Highland bagpipe. Meanwhile, let him be to us our 
 Magnus Apollar, 
 
 We refer such of our readers as may not have heard of Mr. Leigh 
 Hunt, to various papers in this miscellany with the signature Z. These 
 will tell what he was; but we have his own words for what he wishes 
 to be ; — and the followinjr morceaux are from the intended life of our 
 Vi'^-o-Laureate, adumbrated or shadowed forth in his beaulitul poem, 
 " The Choice."! 
 
 * Leigh Hunt was educated at Chri:?t's Hospital, London. The dress of the school-boys there 
 consists of no cap, (the head is always uncovered, and a small woollen covering, such as would 
 be too small for a four-hours-old baby, is worn on the girdle,) a long bhie frock, festooned 
 round the waist by a leathern belt, a girdle, yi-llow breeches and stoclsings, and tliick shoes. — AI. 
 
 t '' With a perked feather swaling in l)is bonnet." The line was to be found in Hunt'8 " Ki- 
 luini." He lias eut it out of the later editions. — M. 
 
 J See Liberal, Ho. IV.— C. N.
 
 LEIGH HUNT. o jf^ 
 
 Tlie poem opens with a panegyric upon PonilVet, tlie autlior of that 
 great original poem The Choice, on which Mr. Hunt's is luodellod. 
 
 "I have been reading Pcmfret's Choice this spring, 
 A pretty kind of-sort-of-kiiid of tiling, 
 Not much a verse, and poem none at all, 
 Yet, as they say, extremely natural. 
 And yet I know not. There's a skill in pies, 
 In raising crusts as well as galleries; 
 And he's the poet, more or less, who knows 
 The charm that hallows the least thing from prose, 
 And dressfts it in its mild singing elotiies. 
 Poetry's that which sets a thought ajiart, 
 To worsliij) Nature with a choral licart: 
 And may lie seen where rarely slu^ intrudes. 
 As birds in cages make us tliink of woods. 
 Beaux have it in them, when they love the faces 
 Of country damsels, and their worsted graces." 
 
 "Mihi singing clothes." What are they? Not surely your yellow 
 bi'eeches, Mister Hunt. Perhaps caps and bells. Are kilts mild sing- 
 ing clothes? Petticoats are liker the thing when they rustle. The 
 two last lines are not original, but filched from the Filcher. They 
 were shown publicly in prose by the new Pygmalion some time ago, 
 that is, witliout their mild singing clothes. And pray, our good Vice- 
 Laureate, what may they mean ? — When a Cockney chucks a countiy 
 wench under the chin, and gloats upon her linsey-woolsey petticoat, call 
 you that " poetry ?" The author of Rimini ought to know better ; but 
 we hope that he is merely shamming innocence to please us; in which 
 hope we are strengthened by the subs'-quent strapping Alexandrine — 
 
 " The ladies rise in heaps, and give them sweet admissions P' 
 
 A little further on, our Vice shows he is no such simpleton about 
 such aftairs as he would pretend to be ; but, on the contrary, some- 
 what peevishly complains, that, in the present day, a man cannot 
 write lusciously and liquorishly without being shook by the ear.s, or 
 nose-pulled by some Z. or other. 
 
 "Else I would print my fancy l-y itself, 
 And be ' a love ' on every lady s shelf; 
 Perhaps I shall be so some day or other," <tc. 
 
 Promiscuous concubinage not yet being the order of the day, the 
 publication of the " loves" alluded to is deferred till a fitter opportiinity ; 
 and meanwhile the Vice writes, he tells us, such verses as "smile on 
 tables in the parson's nose." For smile, nostra periculo, iciid i^mvW. 
 How elegant the use of the word parson ! And. altogether, what dig- 
 nified and gentlemany ease does Mr. Hunt e -hibit in thest his " mild
 
 JJ50 NOCTES ^VMBIiOSIANJS. 
 
 siiiijing clothes !" Instead of one, he shall have two kegs of Duubar 
 reiis. 
 
 But now for him. Hear — hear — hear ! 
 
 " Fii-st, on a green FJ have a low, broad house, 
 Just (teen by travellers throUL'h the irarden boughs 
 Ati'l tliat my luck niiiilit not -Jeein ill bestowed, 
 A bencli and sjiriiig should greet them on the road. 
 Mv grounds should not be large ; I like to go 
 To Nature for a range, and prospect too. 
 And cannot fancy she'll comprise for me. 
 Even in a park, her all-sufhciency : 
 Besides, nn* thoughts lly far; and when at rest, 
 Love, not a watcli-tower, but a lulling nest. 
 Hut all the ground I had should keep a look 
 Of Nature still, have biids'-nests and a brook; 
 One spot for flowers, the rest all turf and trees : 
 For I'd not grow my own bad lettuces. 
 And above all, no house should be so near. 
 That strangers should discern me here and there; 
 Much less when some fair fi-iend was at my side. 
 And swear 1 thought her charming, — which I did. 
 I am not sure I'd have a rookery ; 
 But sure I am I'd not live near the sea. 
 To view its great flat face, and have my sleeps 
 Filled full of shrieking dreams and foundering ships; 
 Or hear the drunkard, when his slaughter's o'er, 
 Like iSinbad's monster scratching on the shore. 
 I'd live far inland, in a world of glades. 
 Yet not so desert as to fri>;ht the maids: 
 A batch of cottages sltpuld smoke beside ; 
 And there should be a town within a morning's ride." 
 
 Our Vice says, " My grounds should not be large." His grounds ! 
 — Leigh Hunt's grouuds ! — A gentleman of landed property ! — A Sur- 
 rey freeholder ! — What do you mean by " not large," Vice ? It is an 
 indefinite expression. What think you of a couple of hundred acres ? 
 — " No low, broad house" should ever have less than an estate of that 
 extent, at least in a ring-fence. Now, is not this rather exorbitant? 
 Consider also tnc danger of losing yourself in a multitudinous sea of 
 Swedish turnips — the dead certainty of being lost for ever — or found 
 a skeleton, of several months' lying, in a potato-furrow. Besides, what 
 a most idiotical style of farminj; you here chalk out for youreelfl 
 " One spot for flowers, and the rest all turf and trees." That would 
 never pay. Do you intend to sell the birds'-nests at Covent-Garden 
 market — eggs, or broods and all ? If so, you must study niditication ; 
 for if you have only a "flower-garden, turf, and trees," and nothing 
 else, devil a singing-biid will build his nest near your " low, broad 
 house," except it be a barn-door fowl or a guinea-pig. Farther, what 
 sort of a brook will that be, without ever a stone, or a rock, or an old 
 rotten stump, to amuse itself with ? Such a brook would be an object
 
 A cockney's paradise! 351 
 
 of the deepest compassion in dry weather; and, indeed, nnh-ss vou li;id 
 a dvaw-well, of whicli no mention is m.ide, what is to hiiconie or tlit) 
 tea-kettle ? You say, " I am not sure I'd liave h rookery." 'J'here yoii 
 are right; for when you and some fair friend were strolling ihrou'di 
 the grove, and you were swearing you thought lier charming^ — "wliieh 
 you did" — down haply would jdiunp an epauh^tte on each of <.ur 
 Vice-Laureate's shoulders, which wnuld be no small nuisance to your 
 fair fiiend, and stop the current of her ideas. IJut, my good sou!, you 
 speak doubtfully about the rookery, just as if you could order the 
 rooks to build on any morning you chose to appoint. 'Jake our 
 advice, and have no rookery. Rook-pies are disgusting; and then a 
 crowd of Cockneys would be firing away at the young liop-tLe-twigs 
 every spring, to the great annoyance of yourself and fair friend, to say 
 nothing of the positive danger of tlying ramrods and split barrels. Let 
 it be fixed, therefore, that tliere shall be no rookery. " Not so desert 
 as to fright the maids." Do you mean here, simply, your bra<;e of 
 servant girls, or maids in general? "The maids" is an equivocal 
 expression , so is " fair friend ;" and really all these inuendoes set 
 one's tooth on edge, and look more like Odoherty himself than his 
 Vice. "A batch of cottages" is far more elegant than a batch of 
 Peers, or a batch of bread ; — and " witliin a morning's ride" leaves 
 the distance of the town in a pleasing obscurity. — So you seriously 
 intend keeping a horse ? I am sorry to hear it, both on your account 
 and his own. lie will have poor picking on tlie tuif among the trees, 
 and will come down with you to a certainty. Keep a cuddy, and let 
 him browse in the. lanes; but on no account whatever venture upon 
 horseback. Your fair friend would have nothing else to do but to 
 make plasters ; and we humbly conceive, that this " morning's ride" 
 will furnish a fuudamentid objection to your villa. Take the coach at 
 once, or borrow a shandrydan at the " batch of cottages," from the 
 pig-dealer ; and so jog into town in safety. 
 
 Aha! my friend ! you are at your old tricks — we knew we should 
 catch you at last. Next comes the old imageman, Avith his batch of 
 gods and goddesses on his board ; and Mr. Ilunt purchases about a 
 dozen nudkies for the moderate sum of eighteen-pence a-pair, rough 
 and smooth. 
 
 "And yet to show I had a taste withal, 
 I'd have some casts of statues in tlie liall, 
 Or rather entrance, whose sweet steady eyes 
 Should touclithe comers with a mild surprise, 
 And so conduct them, hushing to my door, 
 Where, if a friend, the house should hear a roar. 
 The grateful beggar should peep in at tliese, 
 And wonder what I did with Popish images." 
 
 Next our Laureate says he cou d write and read,
 
 352 NOCTES A5ICR0S1ANJ:. 
 
 "Till it was time 
 To riJe or walk, or on the grass go rhyme." 
 
 Stop a Dionu'Ut, if you please — no riding. You forgt^t that we al- 
 readv i>ut our veto on that. It is not so ea<y a matter fur a man at 
 your time of life to learu to ride. Gracious lieavens ! are you mad i 
 
 " I'd nevi-r hunt, except the Fox, and thea 
 Not much, for fear I should fall," &c. 
 
 ITuntinjT the Fox a little ! Only imaijiue him breaking cover. "Why, 
 you tly over your horse's ears at the first ditch, six inches wide. First 
 of all, you talk of riding to town — on paper — your brain and your 
 bottom warm — ami nothing will satisfy you, but to Hunt the Fox. 
 O, Ivlitor of tilt' Annals of Sporting! what wouldst thou not give for 
 a sight of our worthy Vice-Lauieate leailing the Surrey Hunt, Kcy- 
 nard in view, and Tims whipper-in ! After Hunting the Fox, but 
 ^^not miirh" Mr. Hunt thinks himself equal to any display of bodily 
 vigor, and declares — 
 
 "All manly games I'd play at: golf, and quoits, 
 And cricket, to set all my limbs to rights, 
 And make me conscious, with a due respect, 
 Of muscles one forgets by long neglect. 
 But as fur jirize-fights, with th.ir butclioring shows, 
 And crowds of black-legs, I'd liave none of those; — 
 I am not bold in other people's blows. 
 Besides, I should reside so far from town, 
 Those human waves could never bear me down — 
 "Which Would endear my solituile, I own. 
 But if a neighbor, fond of his antiques, 
 Tried to renew a bout or two at sticks, 
 I'd do my best to force a handsome laugh 
 Under a ruddy crack from quarter-staff; 
 Nor think I had a right to walk my woods, 
 Coy of a science tlmt was Robin Hood's. 
 'Tis liealthy, and a man's; and would assist 
 To make mo wieKl a falchion in mj' list. 
 Should foes arise who'<l rather not be taught. 
 And war against the course of truth-ex2)loring thought," 
 
 This is a good passage. But what if Bill Gibbons should some 
 day pitch the ring fur a light between the Bush-Cove and Cabl)age, 
 with the ropes belonging to the P. C. in Mr. Hunt's Park ? Fifty 
 miles from town is no security against such an invasion ; and surelv 
 Mr. Hunt Would not coiiiileiiance tiie ]>eaks. What would honest 
 llobin Hood have thought of the expression, "coy of a science?'' If 
 our Vice would consider the matter for a minute or two, he would be 
 sensible of the extreme ludierousuess of the most reinote comparison 
 between himself and Jlobin Hood. He — with his yellow breeches, 
 silk hat, red slijjpers, and .shabby-genteel surtout, picking his steps, 
 within sound of the dinner-bell, among " few beds of tulips and peony-
 
 POMKRET. f^r-) 
 
 roses, or selecting a dry spot of liis "turf an.l trcfs," that lie iiiit;|,t 
 ^' on the grass go rhyme," or scribble a literary Kxaiiiiiii-r— aii4 that 
 immortal Bowman of the Forest! Tims, personating liiuce at lian- 
 liockburn in our Tent, was nothing to the King of the Co.kncys, with 
 a quarter-statf in his lily hand, enacting the Outlaw of Sherwood ! 
 
 Such pastimes, however, would be but rare, and uever allowed to 
 interfere with our bard's severer studies. For 
 
 " I'd write, because I could not lu-lp it ; read 
 Much more, but nothintr to op[)re.ss my head ; 
 For heads are very difFerciit tliiiiirs at' case, 
 And forced to bear huge loads for families. 
 Still I would think of others ; use my pen, 
 As fits a man and lettered citizen, 
 And so discharge my duty to the state; 
 But as to fame and glory, fame might wait, 
 Nevertheless, I'd write a work in verse. 
 Full of line dreams and natural characters; 
 Eastern, perhaps, and gathered from a shore 
 Whence never poet took his woi-ld before. 
 To this sweet sphere I would retire at will, 
 To sow it with delight, and shape with skill; 
 And should it plesise me, and be roundly done, 
 I'd launch it into liglit, to sparkle round the sun." 
 
 Now, high as our opinion is of our laureate's abilities and genius, wo 
 offer to lay six guineas of wirewove gilt to a pound of whitey-brown 
 that not two hundred copies of this Eastern Tale are sold within the 
 two years. Instead of "sparkling round the sun," it will lie a heavy 
 bale in a dark warehouse ; and if printed at his own risk, Mr. Hunt 
 will find himself some twenty or thirty pounds out of pocket. Our 
 Vice-Laureate must therefore give up all idea of " launching it into 
 light," and confine himself to his Odes on our Birthday, and the An- 
 niversary Hymn on the creation of the Magazine. 
 
 Pomfret, we are told, got into a row with some bishop or other, on 
 account of a suspicious line in his poem, which was thought lo re- 
 commend a kept mistress, in preference to a wife. Mr. Hunt is face- 
 tious on this in a note ; but it puzzles us to know, from the follmving 
 passage, whether he holds the opinion erroneously attached to the 
 " Parson." 
 
 "In pleasure and in pain, alike I find 
 My face turn tenderly to womankind ; 
 But then they must be truly women, — uot 
 Shes by the courtesy of a petticoat, 
 And left without inquiry to their claims. 
 Like haunted houses with their devil's dama. 
 I'd mend the worst of women, if I could, 
 But for a constancy, give me the good ; — 
 I do not mean the formal or severe, 
 Much less the sly, who's all for character ; 
 ^ OL. I.— 25
 
 354 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 But such as, in all nations and all times, 
 
 Would he giiod oreatuies, fit for loving rhymes, 
 
 Kiml, candid, sini|)le, yet of sterling sense. 
 
 Ami of a golden age for innocence. 
 
 Uf these my ncighboi-s should have choice relations; 
 
 And I (though under certain alterations) 
 
 1 too would bring — (though I dislike the name; 
 
 The Reverend Mr. Poinfrot did the same ; 
 
 Let its wild flavor pass a line so tame;) — 
 
 A wife, — or whatsoever better word 
 
 The times, grown wiser, miglit by law afford 
 
 To the chief friend and partner of my board. 
 
 Tlie dear, good she, by everj- habit llien, — 
 
 Ties e'en when pleasant, very strong with men ; 
 
 Though your wise he.ids fii-st make one's system wrong. 
 
 And then insist that oidy theii-s last long, — 
 
 "Would finish, aii<l make round in every part, 
 
 The natural liarniony of her own wise heart; 
 
 ^\nd by the loss of something of her right 
 
 Of being jealous, consummate delight. 
 
 Gods! iiow I'd love her morning, noon, and night!" 
 
 Now, who and what the devil is this madam ? How is she to be 
 named ? Miss, or Mistress ? What alteration does our mysterious 
 friend mean to make on the Manias^e Law ? Has he communicated 
 with the Lord Chancellor, my Lord Ellenborough, Dr. Phillimore, and 
 the blacksmith at Gretna-Green ? What is there peculiarly odious, 
 loathsome, and repulsive in the word " wife," that Mr. Hunt should 
 publicly express his dislike of it, " in mild singing clothes ?" What 
 word would he prostitute in its place ? Or wliat is the matter with 
 the tympanum of his ear, or the core of his heart, that a word sacred 
 to all the rest of his species, should, to him, sound unhallowed ? 
 
 On be goes, 
 
 " I'd have my mornings to myself. Ev'n ladies 
 Should not prevent me this, except on May-days* 
 Unless we fairly struck our tents awhile, 
 To stroll, like gipsies, round about the isle; 
 A plan 1 might be bent on, I confess, 
 Provided colds would give us leave, and dress, 
 And twenty other inconveniences. 
 I d give up even my house to live like them. 
 And have a health in every look and limb, 
 To which our best perceptions must be dim. 
 A gipsy's body, and iv ])oet's mind, 
 
 Clear blood, quick foot, free spirit, and thought refined. 
 Perpetual airs to breathe, and loves to bind, — 
 Such were the last perfection of mankind." 
 
 It does not seem to us, that the ditriculties in the way of putting tins 
 Bcbeme into practice are at all insurmountable. What if some two or 
 three of the party should have a cold, cannot they take with them a 
 few boxes of lozenges, and a score of aperient powders ? In a few days.
 
 NORTH ON IIDNT. 3o5 
 
 all obstructions will be worked off; and the lilanket-Tent will inurtmir 
 beneath the moon with a mellower ami more subdiiiMl snnic. In n 
 I>l;uiket-Tent, we presume, the gipsyin;^' p;irty mean to sht-U.-r; and 
 do not forget now to provide for yourselves a sulKcient stock of lic.rn 
 for the manufactory of ornamental spoons. As (o dress, alunit wliicli 
 Mr, Uunt seems to be so unhappy, let him boldly take with him In.- 
 yellow breeches in a bandbox ; and every day before dinner, ho can 
 put them on most rurally in a ditch by the roadside, exhibiting 
 
 " The last perfection of mankind, 
 A gipsy's body, and a peel's niind." 
 
 As to the " twenty other inconveniences," we consider them, what- 
 ever they are, quite imaginary ; and the party will find both luxurief 
 and necessaries in every wood. 
 
 On returning home from this pretty little wild excursion, Mr. Hunt 
 once more " takes up house ;" and he really gives himself the charac- 
 ter of a very pleasant and amiable landlord. 
 
 " These mornings, with their work, should earn for me 
 My afternoon's content and liberty. 
 I'd have an early dinner, and a plain, 
 Not tempting much ' to cut and come again ;' 
 A little wine, or not, as health al ow'd, 
 But for my friends, a stock to make me proud; 
 Bottles of something delicate and rare. 
 Which I should draw, and hold up with an air, 
 And set them on the table, and say, ' There I' " 
 
 We were here most anxious to know the dimensions of Mr. Hunt's 
 dining-room, and the prevailing color of its furniture. 13ut we aro 
 only told, 
 
 " My dining-room should have some shelves of books, 
 If only for their grace and social looks — 
 Horace and Plutarch, Plato, and some more, 
 Who knew how to retine the tables' roar, 
 And sprinkled sweet philosophy between, 
 As meats are reconciled with slips of green. 
 I read infallibly, if left alone ; 
 But after meat, an author may step down 
 To settle a dispute or talk himself: — • 
 I seem to twitch him now with finger from his shelt" 
 
 Hitherto our opinions on all the principal questions in taste, man- 
 ners, morals, and religion, have been in unison ; but now Mr. Hunt and 
 we cease to row in the same boat — for if we did, we should be i)ulling 
 away, when he was backing water. What will Odoherty say to his 
 V^ice, when he reads, 
 
 " I would not sit in the same room to dine 
 And pass the evening ; much less booze till nine,
 
 o^-j^j NOCTES AMUROSI^VNJi:. 
 
 And then with a -white waistcoat and red face. 
 
 Rise, willi some stiijii.!, iimmbling, ooraniou-place. 
 And 'join the ladies,' bowing, for some tea, 
 With nauseous looks, half lust, half irony." 
 
 The last line in this quotation speaks of something beyond our expe- 
 rience or observation — but may, nevertheless, show Mr. Ilunt's famil- 
 iar knowledije of tlie human heart. To prevent the possibility of such 
 enormities, he suggests a very notable expedient. 
 
 " I'd have two rooms, in one of which, as weather 
 Or fancy chose, we all might come together, 
 AVith liberty for each one nevertheless 
 To wander in and out, and taste the lawns and trees. 
 One of the rooms should face a spot of spots. 
 Such as woul.l please a squirrel with his nuts ; 
 I mean a slope, looking iijion a slope, 
 'Wood-crown'd, and dell'd with turf, a sylvan cup. 
 Here, when our moods were quietest, we'd praise 
 The scenic shades, and watch the doves and jays." 
 
 Besides the ordinary and necessary out-houses, such as hen-house, 
 pig-sty, dog-kennel, "and the rest," Mr. Hunt proposes to build a 
 " chapel." *This made us wink again; for nothing makes him so ir- 
 ritable as to be suspected of Christianity. But list — oh ! list — if ever 
 you did the dear Cockney love — 
 
 " Greek beauty should be there, and Gothic shade ; 
 Ai+d brave as anger, gentle as a maid, 
 
 The name on whose dear he.irt my hope's worn cheek was laid. 
 Here, with a more immediate consciousness, 
 Would we feel all that blesses us, and bless; 
 And lean on one another's heart, and make 
 Sweet resolutions, ever, for love's sake ; 
 And recognise the eternal Good and Fair, 
 Atoms oi whose vast active spirit we are. 
 And try by what great yearnings we coidd force 
 The o-lobe on which we live to take a more harmonious course." 
 
 But, gentle reader, out with your pocket-handkerchief — and if you 
 have any tears, prepare to shed them now. For, woe is me ! and alack! 
 alack-a-day ! poor dear Mr. Hunt has taken to his bed — is going to 
 die — is dead. 
 
 '• And when I died, 'twould please me to be laid 
 In my own ground's most solitary shade; 
 Kot for the gloom, much less to be alone, 
 But solely as a room that still might seem my own. 
 There should my friends come still, as to a place 
 That held me yet, and bring me a kind face: 
 There should they bring me still their griefs and joys, 
 And hear in the swell'd breeze a little answering nois& 
 Had I renown enough, I'd choose to lie, 
 Aa Hafiz did, bright in the public eye.
 
 THE TORIES. 357 
 
 With mnrble grace inclosed, and a green shade, 
 And young and old should read me, and be glad." 
 
 No — no — no. It must not — shall not be. Buried iii your own 
 grounds ! No^no — no ! It is too far from town — and the Wiister- 
 Heavy would be perpetually overloaded with pilo^rims seekiii^r the 
 shrine where thou wert laid. We insist on your submitting to a jmb- 
 lie funeral, and in Westminster Abdey. 
 
 Tickler. After all, we must succumb, Odoherty, North is North. 
 He is our master in all things, and above all in good humor. 
 
 Odoherty. An admirable lecture indeed. Put round the bottlfts, 
 and I shall repay Great Christopher with a chant. .,. 
 
 Omnes. Do — do — do. 
 
 Odoherty {sings). 
 
 THE TORIES A NATIONAL MELODY.* 
 
 Tis with joy and exultation I look round about this nation, 
 
 And contemplate the sum of iier glories ; 
 You must share in my delight, for whoever is is right — 
 
 Oh! the prime ones are every where Tories. 
 Start whatever game ye please, j^ou'll be satisfied in these 
 
 The just pride of the Island reposes — 
 Whigs in ambushes may chatf, but the Tories have the laugh 
 
 When it comes to the counting of noses. 
 
 Dear boys 1 
 
 When it comes to the counting of noses. 
 
 Caji the gentlemen of Brookes' show a nose, now, like the Duke'a, 
 
 Who squabashed every Marshal of Boney's; 
 And at last laid Boney's self on you snug outlandish shelf. 
 
 Just with three or four rips for his cronies? 
 When the Hollands and the Greys see the garniture of bays 
 
 Koddiiig o'er this invincible Torj', 
 Can they give the thing the by-go, by directing us to Vigo, 
 
 And parading their Corporal's storv ? 
 
 Poor Bob If 
 
 Their negotiating Corporal's story ! 
 
 3. 
 
 Tis the same way in the law :— in the Chancellor's big pa^y 
 
 What are all these Whig-praters but rushes? 
 With one knitting of his brows every whelp of them he cows, 
 
 With one sneer all their balaam he crushes. 
 
 • By Dr. Maginn.— M. t Sir Robert Wilson.— M
 
 S58 NOCTES AitBKOSIAN^. 
 
 Th«\v [jof silkers from the Qu«?tMi; but in ragged bombazeen 
 
 XLt-y must all be eoiiteuteil to jaw, now. 
 llence" the virulence that wags twenty cUippers at " Old Bags." 
 
 And behind his back calls him " liii.^haw" now — 
 
 I'oor dears! 
 
 They beliind his back call him "Basliaw" now 1 
 
 4. 
 
 Stout Sir Walter in Belles Lettres has, I'm bold to say, no betteis, 
 
 Even the b;ise Butrund-Blue don't deny this — 
 Whyf — Because their master, Constable, would be packing off for Dun- 
 stable, 
 
 The tii-st pup of the pack that durst try this. 
 " Vou shan't breakfast, dine, nor sup" ties their ugly muzzles up 
 
 From tlie venture of such a vagary; 
 But a sulkv undertrrowl marks the malice of the foul. 
 
 And we see and enjoy their quandary. 
 
 Poor curs! 
 
 "We all see and enjoj' their quandary. 
 
 5. 
 
 Tluis, in Letters, Law, and Anns, we exhibit peerless charmii; 
 
 We in Parliament equally triumph — 
 When to Canning we but point. Brougham's nose jimipeth out of joint, 
 
 And Sir .lammy Macgerald*" must cry " humph !" 
 Then We've Peel, too, and wu've Croker, who upraised the "holy poker " 
 
 O'er thy crockery, lately, Joe Hume! 
 'Xeath our eloquence and wit. Duck-in-thunder-like they sit, 
 
 And await the completion of doom — 
 
 Poor things 1 
 
 They await the completion of doom. 
 
 6. 
 
 We've the President to paint — we've the Wilberforce for Saint— 
 
 And our sculptors are Plaxman and Chantrey ! 
 On tlie stage we've Young and Terrj- — ay, and Listen the arch-merry. 
 
 And great K.tchener chants in our pantry! — 
 ilong tlie heroes of the ring, we've a Jackson and a Spring — 
 
 We've a Bull to gore all tlie Whig news-folk — 
 Among preachei"s we've a Pliiljpotts — an O'Doherty 'mong swill-pots— 
 
 And Saul Rotlischild to tower o'er the Jews-folk, 
 
 Dear boys 1 
 
 Baroa Rothschild to tower o'er the Jews-folk. 
 
 What Review .^an Whig-stj- furnish, but is sure to lose its burnish 
 
 When our Quarterly's splendors we Imng up? 
 Or what Magrzine's to mention, of the slenderest pretension. 
 
 Beside CiiKisTopMEii's princely prime bang-uj)? 
 There's but ONli besides in Britain, I consider 'twould be fitting 
 
 To name after and over that rare man, 
 
 • Sir James Mackintosh. — M.
 
 TUE TOUIIiS. 3ri9 
 
 Tis the Tory on the tlirone — for his honrt is all nur ovn, 
 And 'tis this keeps their elbows bo hare, niuii, 
 
 I'oor souls! 
 Their hearts low, and their breeches so bare, maul 
 
 8. 
 
 Oh! with joy and exuirnfcion we look round ab<Mit the nation, 
 
 And eonteuiplate the sum of her glories. 
 Oh ! how just is our delight! Oh ! whoever is is riglit. 
 
 Oh! the prime ones are every where Tories I 
 Look whatever way j'ou ph ase, 'tis in these, aud only these, 
 
 All the pride of tlie Island reposes — 
 We've the corn and they've the cliatf, — they've the Bcorn and we've tJio 
 laugh, — 
 
 They've the nettles and ours are the roses. 
 
 Dear boj^s. 
 
 They've the nettles and we have the roHos.
 
 No. XII.— OCTOBER, 182?. 
 
 SCENE I.— The Chaldee Closet. 
 
 Enter North and Mr. Ambrose. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. I liope, my dear sir, you will not be offended ; but I 
 cannot conceal my delight in seeing you lighten my door again, after 
 two months' absence. God biess you, sir, it does my heart t<ood to 
 see you so strong, so fresh, so ruddy. I feaied this wet autunm might 
 have heeu too much for you in the country. But Heaven be praisod 
 — Heaven be praised — here you are again, my gracious sir ! What 
 can I do for you ? — What will you eat ] — What will you drink? — Oh 
 dear! let me stir the tire; the poker is too heaw tor you. 
 
 North. Too heavy I — Devil ;i bit. Why, Ambrose," I have been in 
 training, out at Mr, Hogg's, you know, Zouuds, I could fell a budalo. 
 Well, Aml>rose, how goes the world ? 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. No reason to complain, sir. Oysters never were 
 better ; and the tap runs clear as amber. Let rae hang up your crutch, 
 my dear sir. There now, I am happy. The house looks like itself 
 now. Goodness me, the padding has had a new cover! But the 
 wood-work h;is seen service. 
 
 North. That it has, Ambrose, Why, you rogue, I got a three 
 pronged fork fastened to the end on't, and I used it as a lister. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. A lister, sir ? — I ask your pardon. 
 
 North. Ay, a lister. I smacked it more than once into the side of 
 a salmon ; but the water has been so drumly, that Sandy Ballautyne 
 himself could do little or nothing. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. Nothing surprises me now, sir, that you do. We 
 have a pretty pheasant in the larder. Shall I venture to roast him for 
 your honor ? 
 
 North. At nine o'clock I e.xpect a few fnends ; so add a stub- 
 ble-goose, some kidneys, and hodge-podge; for the night is chilly; 
 and a delicate stomach like mine, Ambrose, requires coaxing, Gleu- 
 
 liVL't. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. Here, sir, is your accustomed caulker. 
 
 (XouTH drinks, while Mr. Ambrose fceeps looking vpon hiyn 
 with a smile of ddir/hted deference, and exit.) 
 North {solus). What paper have we here ? — Morning Chronicle,
 
 THE MORNING CIIRONICLR. 301 
 
 Copyright soM for £-10,000. A Ii.-.*-L.t mo so.. • a„v litl.o tr.i.or 
 ous copy ot bad verses ? Not oue. Toi.nnv M-.ore au.l Ja.lc liowrinci 
 are busy otherwise. Poor occupation fur -.-ntl..,....,., sm-.timt .-u 
 Church and king. " Ihat wretclu-d cn-atur.., iJallaslcros !" Nav uav 
 this won t do ; I am getting drowsy.— (^'y,om-.) "^ ' 
 
 ^«^f;- Mr. AMnRosE. ^ sound of feet in the lobhi/. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. Mr. Tickler, sir— Mr. Mullinu— and a stran-o .,<.„- 
 t enian. Beg your pardon, gentlemen; tread .suflly. llc'si kki-.s 
 Bonus dormitat Homerus. 
 
 Stranf/c Genth-inan. Wondeiful city. Modern Athens indeed. Xe- 
 ver heard a more apt quotation. 
 
 Tickler {slap-banp on North's shoulder). Awake, arise, „r he fur 
 ever fallen ! Mullion, shake him by the collar; or a slight kick ..u 
 the shins. Awake, Samson; the Pliilistincs arc upon thee! 
 
 (North i/awns ; stretches himself; sits creel; stares ubu at 
 him ; rises and bows.) 
 
 Mullion. Capital subject, faith, for Wilkie. A choice bit, Od.ls 
 safe us, what a head ! Gie's your liaun, my man. ILxdy, liooly ; your 
 nieve's like a vice. You deevil, you hae jirted the bluid irae my tin-^er- 
 ends. ° 
 
 North. Mr. Tickler, you have not introduced me to the youDfT gen- 
 tleman. ° 
 
 Tickler. Mr. Vivian Joyeuse.f 
 
 North. Young gentleman — happy to take you by the hand. I liope 
 you have no olyections to smoking. 
 
 Joyeuse. I have no objections "to any thing; but I shall hardly be 
 on an equal footing with you Sons of the Mist. 
 
 North {to Tickler). Gentlemanly lad. — {Re-enter A.murosk.)— 
 
 * Air. James Perry, " a canny Scotchman," had made the ^^ornin(| Chronitle one of the 
 daily journals of London. It was the recognised orpaM of the Wliii; or 0p|io^itioii party. He 
 was on intimate terms with the leaders of tliat party, and had sliown, more than once, lh.it he 
 was to be trusted. In his paper appeared tlie earliest, and some of the best, of Moore's )iollt- 
 ical squihs. There, also, did Byron sometimes appear. The editorial part was ably performed, 
 Hud the dramatic critic was no less a person th.in William Hazlitt. I'errv was the founder of 
 the European Magazine in 17*2. He died in 1S'21, and the Chronicle was then S(d<l to Mr. 
 Clements, proprietor of the Ol'xercer and B'IVs Life, which continue to have larce circula- 
 tion. CleuKMits paid £40,0n0 for the copyri^'ht, presses ami types. The paper f.'r:idua!ly de- 
 clined in his hands, until after having had it about thirteen years, he .sold it to Sir John ka»t- 
 liope, a stock-broker, about the period (Nov. IS'U) when The. Thiieti suddenly lurned round, 
 on I'eel's accession to office, and became Conservative instead of Radical. The I'hronirle, for 
 a time, seemed likely to resume its position as a Liberal orjr.in, but its proprietor was believed 
 to have used part of its machinery (foreign corresi)on<lents) for stock-jobbing purposes, and 
 the shadow settleil on it again. It was purchased from him by a partj- of gentlemen possesse^l 
 of nmch wealth, who forthwith gave it a Puseyite politico-religious leaning. This it retains, but 
 it is said that Haron Rothschild, of London, has entered into the proprietorship. At present, 
 its leading articles have no weight, but its foreign correspondence is generally admirable. 
 The article in the Edinburqk ItviiW, on the " .Morning Chronicle," was written by llailill.— M. 
 
 + In Knight's Qiiarterl;/ Maganne^ona of tlie best ]>eriodieals ever pul)!islied in London, 
 there was an imitation of the Noctes, lively, well written. !i!>d v.itii the character of each speaker 
 well individualized. Mr. Vivian Joyeuse was the noin de jiliime assumed by one cf Kni(fht's 
 contributors. Macaulay, Praed. John Moultrie, Cliauncey Hare Townshend. Charles Knight, 
 (Editor and publisher,) were among the leading writers in Uiis periudical. — M.
 
 nn2 NOCTES AMBKOSIANJE. 
 
 Hollo! Ambrose? "What now? Have you seen a c:]n.>l ! or has tLo 
 oat nm ..rt' with the |.]K-asant ? If so, I trust lie has insured liis lives. 
 
 Mr. Aitilirose. Ih-w is a gentk-niau iu the lobby, in(|uiring for Mr. 
 Ti.kler. 
 
 7'iikln: Fallow hiui in. Hope it is not that c-urse.l eonsitrnment of 
 
 cotton from Manchester — raw-twist, and The English Oimim 
 
 Eatek :— huzza ! huzza ! {Three hearty cheers.) 
 
 Enter The English Opium-Eatkk* and Tin-: Ettuick Shepherd. 
 
 The Shepherd. Thank ye, lads ; that's me you're cheering, llaud 
 your hauus, ye hallan-shakers, or my drums will split. Sit down, sit 
 down ; my kite's as toom as the Cornal's head. I've had nae four- 
 huurs, and only a chack wi' Tam Grieve, as I came through Peebles. 
 V'ou'll liae ordered supper, Mr. North ? 
 
 Korth. My dear late English Opium-Eater, this is an unexpected, 
 uidinped for happiness. I tliought you had been in Constautinoj)le. 
 
 The Oi>iuni- Eater. You had no reason whatever for any such 
 thought. No doubt I miyht have been at Constantinojile — and I wish 
 that 1 had been — but I liave not been ; and I am of opinion that you 
 have not been there since we last parted, any more than myself. 
 Have you, sir? 
 
 The Shepherd. I diima ken, sir, where you hae been ; but, hech, 
 sirs, yon bit Opium Tract's a <lesperate interesting confession. It's 
 perfectly dreadfu', yon pouring in upon you o' oriental imagery. But 
 nae wunuer. Sax thousand draps o' lowdnam I It's as muckle, I 
 fancv, i\& a bottle o' whusky. I tried that experiment mysel, after 
 reading the wee wud wicked wark, wi' live hunner draps, and I couped 
 ower, ami continued in ae snore frae Monday night till Friday morn- 
 ing. But I had naething to confess; naething at least that wad gang 
 into woiils; for it was a week-laug, dull, dim dwawm o' the mind, 
 with a kind o' soun' buumiing in my lugs; and clouds, clouds, clouds 
 hovering round and round ; and things o' sight, no made for the sight; 
 and an awfu' smell, like the rotten sea; and a confusion between the 
 right hand and the left; and events o' auld lang syne, like the tor- 
 ments o' the present hour, wi' naething to mark ony thing by; and 
 dniiliLs o' being quick or dead; and something touch, rouch, like the 
 tieece o' a ram, and motion as of everhisting eartlupiake ; and nae re- 
 
 ♦ Thomas de Qiiincey. wliose " Confessions of an Enprlish Opium Eater," in tlie LonrJon ifrig- 
 azhf, iiniiieili:itfl.v olHained tiim lilgli repute as a writer, lias <li)ne iiDtliinj; half as K>'i>'l. 
 iliirinif his fi.ur aiiil tliirty years of authorship, as that, his first iiroduction. Well learned in 
 ancient iinil modern tnn'rues, he has written a vast quantity, hut when his transcendental and 
 iniinlellijrihle metaphysics are weeded out, the actual suhslance of his works will he in a small 
 spai-.-. With the German school of philosophy he is well acquainted, ami has endeavored, 
 chielly hy translation, to make his countrymen familiar with it. lie has written u great deal 
 — chiefly for uia»tazinc3. Sometimes lie is extremely praphic and picturesque, but his Rreat 
 fault is' dilTuseiiess, want of concentration, and an inability to discuss a subject without di- 
 gressions — iipropos to nothini;. His writinjfs have been publisheil in America in a collected 
 rorrn i this has not been done in England, where only a selection could obtain a sale. — M.
 
 WORDSWORTH. ZG?, 
 
 raeinbraiice o' my ain Cliristian name; an.l a dismal llioutrlit tl.at I 
 was converted into a quadrupcl crctwr, wi' four feet ; an.l a >;7ir dn.wili, 
 dye souk, sooking awa' at empty win'; aiil il.,> lift duukin d..wii to 
 smooi- mo; and tlie moon williin half a yanl „' niy nose; but no 
 just like the moon either. O Lord safe us"! Tm a' grewinjr'to think 
 o't; but liow could I confess? for the sounds and" the si?dits w.-re 
 baith sh;i<:ovvs; and whare are the words for exjiressinir'^tlie diH- 
 tractioiis o' tlie immaterial soul dro\vnin<r in matter, and \vastliii<; wi' 
 unknown power to get auce mair a steady footing on the greensward 
 o' the waking world ? 
 
 MulUon. Hear till liim — hear till him. Ma faith, that's equal to 
 the best bit in a' the Confessions. 
 
 Tlie Shejyherd. Haud your tongue, you sumpli ; it's nae sic things. 
 Mr. (,)pium-Eater, I used aye to admire you, years sin svne ; an<l n..-ver 
 doubted you wad come out wi' some wark, ae day orither, that wad 
 gar the Gawpus glower. 
 
 The Oinum-Eater. Gar the Gapus glower ! — Pray, who is the 
 Gaj^us ? 
 
 The Shepherd. The public, sir; the public is the Gawpus. But 
 what for are you sae metapheesical, man ? There's just nae sense 
 ava in metapheesics ; they're a' clean nonsense. But how's Wuds- 
 worlh ? 
 
 The Opium-Eater. I have not seen him since half-past two o'clock 
 on the 17th of September. As far as I could judge from a transi- 
 tory interview, he was in good health and spirits ; and I, think, fatter 
 than he has been for some years. " Though that's not much." 
 
 The Shepherd. You lakers are clever chiels ; I'll never deny that ; 
 but you are a conceited, upsetting set, ane and a' o' you. Great ye- 
 gotists ; and Wudsworth the warst o' ye a' ; for he'll alloo nae merit 
 to ony leevin cretur but himsel. He's a tritlin cretur in yon Excursion ; 
 there's some bonny spats here and there ; but nae reader can thole 
 aboon a dozen pages o't at a screed, without whumbling ower on his 
 seat. Wudsworth will never be popular. Naebodycan get his blank 
 poems atf by heart; they're ower wordy and ower windy, tak my 
 word for't. Shackspear will say as muckle in four lines, as "Wuds- 
 worth will say in forty. 
 
 The Opium-Eater. It is a pity that our great living poets cannot 
 be more lavish of their praise to each other.* 
 
 The Shepherd. Me no huish o' praise ? I think your friend a great 
 man — but 
 
 North. I wish, my dear Shepherd, that you would follow Mr. 
 
 *De Quincey has written a great deal about WordSTorth, apparently as his friend and «d- 
 niirer, but it luay be noticed that a certain deprecatory tone ru..^ throujili his descnplioii of 
 the man and estimate of the poet. Wordsworth and his friends, I know, were ill-ple«»ed 
 witli this, which— from early and extended kindnesses tc Du Quincey -WordsworUi Uaa ns 
 reason to expect. — M
 
 CI NOCTES AMTiROblAN.E. 
 
 Wordsworth's example, and confine yourself to poetry. Oil ! f.^r an- 
 other Queen's Wake. 
 
 The Shepherd. I'll no confine myself to poetry for ony man. 
 Neither does he. It's uuly.lhe otlit-r day that he })ulilislKd "A (uji'.ie 
 to the Lakes," and he might as well have called it a Treatise on Church 
 Music. And then his prose work about Spain* is no half as gude as a 
 hading paragraph in Jamie Ballantyne's .lournal. The sense is waur, 
 and sae is the wording — and yet sae proud and sae pompous, as giu 
 nane kent about peace and war but hiuisel, as gin he could fecht a 
 campaign better than Wellington, and negotiate wi' foreign courts 
 like anither Canning. Southey writes prose better than Wudsworth, 
 a thousand and a thousand times. Wha's that glowering at me in 
 tlie corner ? Wha are ye, my lad ? 
 
 Mr. Vivian Jot/eusc. I am soniething of a nondescript. 
 
 The Shej)herd. An Englisher — an Englisher — I've a gleg lug for 
 the deealicks. You're frae the South — but nae Cockney. You're 
 ower weel-spoken and ower weel-faured. Are ye married ? 
 
 3fr. Joyeuse. I fear that I am. I am fresh from Gretna. 
 
 The Shepherd. Never mind — never mind — you're a likely laddie — 
 and hae a blink in thae eyne o' yours that shows smeddum. W^hat 
 are all the people in Knglaud doing just the now I 
 
 Mr. Joyeuse. All reading No. II. of Knight's Quarterly Magazine. 
 
 liorth. A very pleasant miscellany. Tickler, you have seen thj 
 work. Mr. Joyeuse, your very good health, and success to Kniglit's 
 Quarterly Magazine.f {General breeze.) 
 
 The Shepherd. Did ony body ever see siccan a blush ? Before you 
 hae been a contributor for a year, you'll hae lost a' power of redden- 
 ing in the face. You may as weel try then to blush wi' the palm o' 
 yuMY hand. 
 
 Tickler. Mullion, who knows every thing and every body, brought 
 Mr. Joyeuse to Southside, and I have only to hope that his fair bride 
 will nut read him a curtain-lecture to-night, when she hears where he 
 has been, among the madcaps. 
 
 The Shepherd. Curtain-lecture ! We are a' ower gude contributors 
 to be fashed wi' any daft nonsense o' that sort. Na — na — but what's 
 this Quarterly Magazine? — I never heard tell o't. 
 
 North. Why, I will speak for Mr. Joyeuse. It is a gentlemanly 
 miscellany — got together by a clan of young scholars, who look upon 
 the world with a cheerful eye, and all its ongoings with a spiiit of 
 hopeful kindness. I cannot but envy them their gay juvenile temper, 
 
 be ohtaimd imw, at any price, in England, and is curious as containing, among oUier things, 
 as much of Macaulay'a early poetry and prose as ^ypuld fill a yoluum.— M.
 
 knight's qdartkuly. ?>05 
 
 so free from gall and spite; ami aiii ploas.-.l to tlir; lioarl's oom with 
 their elegant acconiplisliinents. Their cgolism is thii joyous riv.-.lom 
 of exulliiig life ; and they see all things in a glow of ciithlisinsin which 
 iiialces oidiiiary objects beautiful, and beauty still more beauteous. 
 Do you wish for my advice, my young fiieiidjf 
 
 Mr. Joyeuse. Upon honor, Sir Christoi)her, I am quite overpowered. 
 Forgive me, when I confess that I had my misgivings on eiitcrin'r 
 your presence, liut they are all vanished. "Helieve nie that I value 
 most highly the expression of your good-will an.l friendly sentiments 
 towards myself and coadjutors. 
 
 North. Love freedom — continue, I ought to say, to love it ; and 
 prove your love, by defending all the old sacred institutions of this 
 great land. Keep aloof from all association with base igr)orance, and 
 presumption, and imposture. Let all your sentiments be kind, gener- 
 ous and manly, and your opinions will be safe, for the heart and tiie 
 head are the only members of the Holy Alliance, and woe unto all men 
 when they are not in union. Give us some more of your classical 
 learning — more of the sparkling treasures of your scholarship, for in 
 that all our best miscellanies are somewhat deficient, (mine own noi 
 excepted,) and you m;iy here lead the way. Are you not Etonians, 
 Wykeamists, Oxonians, and Cantabs, and in the finished grace of 
 manhood ? Don't forget your classics. 
 
 The Shepherd. Dinna mind a single word that Mr. North says 
 about classics, Mr. Joyous. Gin ye introduce Latin and Greek into 
 your Magazine, you'll clean spoil't. There's naething like a general 
 interest taken in the classics throughout the kintra ; and I whiles 
 jalouse that some praise Homer and Horace, and Polydore Virgil, and 
 "the rest," that ken but little about them, and couldna read the 
 crabbed Greek letters afl'-hand without stuttering. 
 
 The Opium-Eater, All the magazines of the day are deficient ; 
 first, in classical literature, secondly, in political economy, and thirdly," 
 in psychology. 
 
 The Shepherd. Tuts, tuts. 
 
 Tickler. Mr. Joyeuse, I agree with North in streniiously recom- 
 mending you and your friends to give us classical dissertations, notes, 
 notices, conjectures, imitations, translations, and what not. Confound 
 the Cockneys ! they will be prating on such points — and have smug- 
 gled their cui-sed pronunciation into Olympus. There is County Tims 
 proceeding, step by step, from Robert l>ruce to Jupiter Touans-, and 
 addressing DiauAR as familiarly as he would a nymph of Covent- 
 Garden, coming to redeem two silver teaspoons.* There was John 
 Keats enacting ApolUii, because he believed that personage to have 
 
 •The Scotch and the Irish very contemptuously regard the Coftkney mispronunciation of 
 wonis ending »ith a vowel. To say Juliar, Appoliii/-, sofar, Annr.r-Mariar, ami lor, for 
 Julia, Apollo, sofa, Anna-Maria, law, Ac, is true Cock-ney ;— but tlu-y have ii.'l an idcar of 
 tiie error Uiey thus fall into. Ou the American stage, where so many English performers are Ig
 
 CiCS ^oo'^Es ambrosi.vx.e. 
 
 Doen, like li'misolf. an apotlieoarv. and sickonini^, l)eoaiiso iho ]»ablie 
 was iuipatieiit of liis dnitis. There is IJany. (juite beside liiiii>olt' with 
 the spootai'le of Deucalion and I'syehe peopling the earth anew by 
 cluickini; stones over their shoulders — in my hunible opinion, i con- 
 foss, a most miserable pastime; — and there is Kinj^ Leii;h absolutely 
 enlisiiut; Mars into the llampstead heavy dragoons, and e!n|)h>yin^ 
 him as iiis own oudeuly. 
 
 IVn' Sfttjilnfd. Capital, Mr. Tickler, capital. I aye like you wh"n 
 yttu are wutty. G:mg on — let me clap you on the back — slash awa 
 at the Coeknevs, for they are a squad I scunner at; and oh ! but you 
 hae in troth ]>iil them down wi' a vengeance! 
 
 Tickler, llazlitt is the most loathsome, Hunt the most ludicrous. 
 I'vgmalion is so brutitied and besotted now, that he walks out into 
 the public street, enters a bo(jkseller's shop, mounts a stool, and rejjie- 
 sents Priapus in Ludgate IlilL* King Leigh would not do this for 
 the world. From such enormities he is preserved, partly by a sort of 
 not unamiable fastidiousness, but chielly by a passionate admiration of 
 his vellow breeches, in whicdi he feels himself satisfied with his own 
 divine perfections. I do not dislike Leigh Hunt by any manner of 
 means. By the way, Mr. Joyeuse, there are some good stanz;is aK)ii( 
 him, in Knight — for example: 
 
 They'll say — I shan't believe 'era — ^but they'll say, 
 That Leit;h'(s bct-oiiie wliat once he most abhorr'J, 
 
 Has thrown liis iinlcpiMiileiioc nil away. 
 And dubiycl liiniself toad oat er to a lord ; 
 
 And though, of course, you'll hit as hard as tlifv, 
 I fear you'll find it difficult to ward 
 
 Their pni<(incd arrows ofT — you'd best come back, 
 
 Lefore the Cockney kingdom goes to wrack. 
 
 The Examiner's errown dull as well as dirty, 
 
 The Indicator's sick, the Liheral dead — 
 I hear its readers were some six-and-tliirty ;f 
 
 liut really 'twas too stupid to be read. 
 'Tis ])lain your jtresent ]iartnersliip lias hurt ye ; 
 
 Poor brother John '' looks up, and is not led," 
 For scarce a soul will purchase, or get through one, 
 Eeii of his shilling budgets of Don Juau. 
 
 North. Do you quote from memory ? I remember a good stanza in 
 Don Juan about John Keats, llazlilt's Apollo and Apothecary. 
 
 •>c scfii anil lieurj, the Cockneys proper may at once be detected by this abuse of tlie conso- 
 3;iiii r. — M. 
 
 • Williuin Ilazlitt, so many years persecuted by SUichwood, was a quiet, reserveil slinlrnt, 
 ^■lio seliliiiii niiii;;le<l ill society, was rarely personal in his writings, and had broken down his 
 /urvcms system by excessive fomliiess forstroiij; tea. — M. 
 
 t Of I,eipli Hunt's repeated elTorts to establish a i)erii>dical, which it would pay bim to con- 
 tinue. The Indicator was the best. It was orowileil with afTeetatioiis, (or worse, el.-- it would' 
 not have been ilunt'.-<.> but there was a freshness runniiij; through it which was r'-al. liuut 
 loved books and Dature, and liked tc write on both subjects. — M.
 
 MAGA. o,'- 
 
 John Ko;its, wli.) was killoil off })y one oriticir.o, 
 Justus lio vtil/i/ /jraiiiisicl s^>\\^l•^]n\\^^ ^;ivi»l 
 
 If not iutclli'^iMc— witlioiit (Jivi^k, 
 
 Contrivi'il tu talk aliout tin- ifo.is of Into, 
 
 uoh as tlit^y niiijht liave been supported to s 
 
 Poor fellow ! his was an unlowai'd fate ; 
 p:., „f »i,., ..,:.. I »i...» ^ ^.• 
 
 If not iutclli'^iMe— witlioiit (Ji'ei^k, 
 
 Contrivi'il to talk ahont the ifo.ls of lalo, 
 Muoh as tlit^y niiuht have been supposed to 8j)eo.k. 
 
 Poor fellow ! his was an unlowai'd fate ; 
 Tis strange, tlio niiud, that very ricry particle, 
 Should let itself be snulfd out by an ailiele. 
 
 Tickler. Exactly so. Now, wliat a pivtty fellow is tlie pulilish.T <.f 
 Don Juan! John Keats w;is the especial friend of liinisclf ;wl 
 brother ; ami they both rave<l like bedlamites at^aiiist all wlio were at 
 rii siiarp upon the ])Oor apothecary. l>ut what will not the biuse lovo 
 of lilthy lucre! — Alas! his lordship is driven to degradation. And 
 who but this crew would become parties to a libel on their own best- 
 beloved dead friend ? 
 
 The Shejjherd. There's nae answering questions like tliese. The 
 puir devil must be dumb. A crabbed discontented creature o' a nee- 
 bor o' ouis takes in the Examiner; and I see thev are ave vaniint-rin!^ 
 and conipleening upon you lads here, but canna sjieak out. They are 
 a' tongue-tied, and can only girn, girn, girn.* lilackwood liere, and 
 lilackwood there, but nothing made out or specirted. I'andv-Iegged 
 l>aldy Dinmont himself allows they are just like a parcel o' weans 
 frighted at their dominie, when Christoj)her appears, and lose a' power 
 to bar the maister out, when they see the taws auce mair, and begin 
 dino-jan in their doups in the very fever o' an imaginary skelpin;:;. 
 
 Kortli. It is all very true, my dear Shepherd. 1 often think that 
 our weak points have never yet been attacked, for is it not singular 
 that no impression has ever yet been made on any part of our whole 
 line? Good gracious! only think on our shamet'ul violation of trutli! 
 Why, that of itself, if properly exposed, and held out to universal 
 detestation, would materially diminish our sale in this great matter- 
 of-fact age and country. Who, like us, has polluted the sources of 
 'listory ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Hush, hush! — We dinna ken Mr. Joyous weel 
 iineuch yet to lippen to him. Perhaps he'll betray the sacred con- 
 tidence o' private friendship! Isna that the way they wi^>rd it? 
 
 Mr. Joyeuse. I shall make no rash promises. My reply to the 
 Shepherd shall be in a quotation. Byron loquitur. 
 
 They err'J, as aged men will do; but by 
 A.nd by we'll talk of that; and if v/e don't, 
 
 "Twill be because our notion is not high 
 Of politicians, and their double fronts 
 
 * G-irn — to grin. —M.
 
 f-iCtS NOCTES AMHROSIAXJi. 
 
 Who live by lies yet Jare not boMly lie: — 
 
 Now, wliut 1 1 'Ve ill wiiineii is, tlioy wou't, 
 Or can't ilo otiierwise, than lie; but do it 
 So weli, tli<j Very truth seeuis lalschooj to it. 
 
 Aii'l. afltT all, what is a lie? Tis but 
 
 1 lie truth ill niascjuerade; and I defy 
 ?Ji#turiaus, heroes, lawyers, priests, to put 
 
 A fact without some leaven of a lie. 
 The very shadow of true truth would shut 
 
 L"|i annals, revelations, poesy, 
 And propliecj- — except it should be dated 
 Some years before tlie incidents related. 
 
 yorth. Well, well, we stand excused like our neighbors, the rest 
 of tae human race. But what say you to our gross iu(;onsistency, in 
 raising a mortal one day to the skies, n\u\ another pulling him an angel 
 dcvu? In one article you are so saluLcl la the nose with the hagpijw 
 of our praise, "that you cannot contain, you ninny, for atiection;" and 
 at p. 30 you find yourself so vilified, vituperated, tarred and feathered, 
 that you aie afraid even to run for it, and would fain hide yourself for 
 a month in a dark closet. Who can defend this? 
 
 Tickler. I can. The fault is not with us, but it lies in tlie constitu- 
 tion of human nature. For, to-day, a given man is acute, sensible, 
 enlightened, eKxiuciit, and so forth. We praise and pet him according- 
 ly — smooth him down the back along with the hair — give him a sop 
 — tell him he is a clever dog, and call him Trusty, or Help, or Nep- 
 tune, or Jupiter. The very next day we see the same given man in a 
 totally difierent predicament, that is to say, utterly senseless, worse 
 than senseless, raving. What do we do then? We either eve him 
 askrmce, and not wishing to be bitten, and to die of the hydrophobia, 
 inak<* the best of our way home, or to Ambrose's, without saying a 
 word; or we take a sapling and drub him ofi'; or if the worst come 
 to the worst, we shoot him dead ii|ioti the spot. Call you this incon- 
 sistency ? Not it indeed. Shall 1 illustrate our conduct by examples? 
 
 North. There is no occasion for that at present. But what do you 
 
 Eav to our COAUSEN'ESS? 
 
 The Shepherd. Ay, ay, Mr. Tickler, what do you say to your coorse- 
 ness ? 
 
 Tickler. In the meantime, James, read that, and you will know wliat 
 I say about yours. {^Gives him a critique en the Three Perila.) But 
 as to the occ;isional coarsenesses to be found in Maga, I am, fioni the 
 very bottom (no coarseness in that, I hope) of my heart, sorry to see 
 thi-m, and much sorrier to think that I should myself liave written too 
 many of them. They must be disgusting occasionally to delicato 
 minds; nay, even to minds not delicate. And I verily believe, that to 
 Englishmen in general, this is our very greatest fault. With sincere
 
 THE SYMPOSIUM. 30f> 
 
 sorrow, if not contrition, do I, for one, coiitVss my fault; ami kIiouM f 
 ever write any more for the Ma<ra/.iiu', I hope to keep mys4.'If witliin 
 the limits of decorum. Intense wit will season iiiti-nse coarscins.s ; l.ui 
 then I am at times very coarse indeed, without bein<; witty at all ; and 
 am convinced, that some passages in my letters, althoii;,di th<'s<- aif on 
 the whole popular, and deserveiUy so, have heen read l>y not a fow whoni 
 I would be most imwilling to olfend, with sentiments of the det-jHist 
 and most unalloyed disgust. 
 
 Mr. Joyeuse. Not at all, Mr. Tickler — not at all. Believe it not, my 
 dear sii-. Coarse you may occasionally be, but you are always witty. 
 
 The Opiam-Eater. I have always admired Mr. Tickler's letters, there 
 is such a boundless overflow of rejoicing fancies ; and what if one par- 
 ticular expression, or sentence, even paragraph, be what is called coai-se, 
 (of coarseness as a specitic, definite, and determinate (juality of thought, 
 I have no clear idea,) it is lost, swallowed up, and <lriven along in tht! 
 ever-tlowing tide; and he who should be drowned in trying to |»ick it 
 up, could never, in my opinion, be a fit subject for resuscitation, hul 
 would deserve to be scouted not only by the humane, but by the Hu- 
 mane Society. If I were permitted to say freely what are your great- 
 est faults, I should say that 
 
 Enter Mr. Ambrose, just in the nick of time. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. Gentlemen, supper's on the table. 
 North. Mr. Joyeuse, lend me your arm. 
 
 [Exeunt, followed by the Opium-Eater, Tickler, the Shep- 
 herd, and Mullion.) 
 
 SCENE U.—Blue Parlor. 
 
 Tickler. Now for the goose. A ten-pounder. All our geese are 
 swans. There, saw ye ever a bosom sliced more dexterously { — Ofi' go 
 tlie leers — smack goes the back into shivers — so much for the doup. 
 Ileacli'me over the apple sauce. Mullion, give us the old i)un ujjon 
 the sage. Who chooses goose ? 
 
 Mullion. I'll trouble you for the breast and legs, wi' a squash o' tho 
 api)le crowdy. Ambrose, bread and potatoes, and a pot of porter. 
 
 The Opium-Eater. Mr. Ambrose, be so good as to bring me cotL'.-. 
 
 Shepherd. Coffee ! ! What the deevil aie you gaun to do wi' 
 
 coffee at this time o' night, man ? Wha ever soops upon cotfee \ 
 Come heie, Mr. Ambrose, tak him ower tliis treucher o' het kidneys, I 
 never hae touched them. 
 
 Tickler. Is your pullet tender. Kit ? There be vulgar souls who pre- 
 fer barn-door fowl to pheasants, mutton to venison, and cider to cham- 
 pa<yne. So there be who prefer corduroy to cassimere breeches, and 
 
 ° Vol. I.— 26
 
 37^ NOCTES AMBROSIAN^E. 
 
 the " Blue an.l Yellow" to jrroeu-gowiied Maga* To sucli souls, youi 
 siuooth-sliiniii!; trans|>:iront ijrape is not so sweet as your small ml 
 liaii y ijoos.'l.i-irv. Tlie brutes canuot dine without potatoes to tlieir 
 
 fish— ^ 
 
 The Shepherd. What say ye. Mr. Tickler ? wadna you eat potatoes 
 to sawuiout { I thought he had keut better than to phu-e gentility ou 
 sic like «>-runs. At the Duke's, every one did just as lie liked best 
 himself, sTnd tell't the tlunkies to take their plates to ilka dish that 
 pleased their e'e, without ony restraint. But ye haena been muckle iu 
 liee life thes.' last tifty years. 
 
 Tickler. My dear Mullion, I beseech you not to draw your knife 
 thn>ugh vour inouth iu that most dangerous f:ushiou : you'll never stop 
 till ye^'cut it from ear to ear. For the sake of our comuiou humanity, 
 use vour fork. 
 
 The Shepherd. Never mind him, Mullion — he's speaking havers. I 
 liae used mv knife that way ever since I was fed upon tlesh, and I never 
 cut my moiith to any serious extent, above a score times in my life. 
 
 (Mr, Ambrose sets down a silver coffee-pot, and a jjlate of 
 muffins, before the Opitnn-Eater.) 
 
 The Opium-Eater. I believe, Mr. ilogg, that it has been ascertained 
 by medical men, through an experience of some thousand years, that 
 no eater of hot and heavy suppeis ever yet saw his grand climacteric. 
 T do not mention this as any argument against hot and heavy suj^pers, 
 except to those persons who are desirous of attaining a tolerable old 
 age. You, probably, have made up your mind to die before that pe- 
 rio<l ; in which case, not to eat hot and heavy suppers, if you like them, 
 would truly be most unreasonable, and not to be expected from a man 
 of your acknowledged intelligence and understanding. I beg now to 
 return vour kidnevs, with an assurance that I have not touched them, 
 and they still seem to retain a considerable portion of animal he;it. 
 
 The Shepherd. I dinna ken what's the luatter wi' me the. night, but 
 I'm no half so hungry as I expeckit. Thae muffins look gaen invit>- 
 in<r ; the coffee comes gurgling out wi' a brown sappy sound. I won- 
 der whare Mr. Ambrose got that ream.f A spider might crawl on't 
 I wush, sir, you would gie us a single cup, and a wheen muffins. (TVie 
 Opiun\-Euter beniffnanthj co77ipl/es.) 
 
 North. Pray, Tickler, what sort of an eater do you suppose Bany 
 Cornwall ? 
 
 Tickler. The meriy-thought of a chick — three tea-spoonfuls of 
 p?as, the eighth part of a French roll, a s}>rig of cauliflower, and an 
 almost imj)erceptible dew of parsley and butter, would, I think, dine 
 the author of " The Deluge." By the way, there is something surely 
 
 • Mag», as published in Edinburgh, is clothed in a covering which, if not exactly entit'ing it 
 10 the name of " green-gowned Maga," may be said to be the color of sage. — M. 
 •)■ lieaiii — cream. — it
 
 OPIUM. nri 
 
 not a litllo alisunl in tlio notion of a porsoi; jndcilakini,' tho "Floo.|" 
 vvliom the slightest shower would drive under a balcony, or into a 
 iiacknoy-coacli. I have no doubt that ho carried " Tin/ |).-lu.f,." ji, 
 his pocket to Colburn, under an umbrella. 
 
 jYorth. My dear Tickler, you cannot answer the verv simplest nues- 
 tion without running into your usual i)L'rsonalilies. What d<>.'s !'.\n.ti 
 dine on, thiidv ye ? 
 
 Tickler, liyron ! — AVhy, bull-boef and pickled salmon, to bo sur.-. 
 What else Avould he dine on? I never suspcetc<l, at least accused 
 him, of cannibalism. And yet, during the composition of Cain, there 
 IS no saving what he ma\^ have done. 
 
 7'he Shepherd. I'm thinking, sir, when Tarn Muir was penning his 
 Loves of the Angels, that lie fed upon calf-foot jeelies, stewed jirunes, 
 the dish they ca' curry, and oysters. These last are desperate for that. 
 
 Tickler. Did you ever hear it said that Mr. llogers never eat animal 
 food, nor drank spirits ? 
 
 North. I have seen liira do both. 
 
 Tickler. Well, you astonish me. I could not otlierwise Lave be- 
 lieved it. 
 
 Mullion. Never, never, never in all my born days, did I eat 8u<di 
 a glorious plateful of kidneys as that which Mr. Opium-Eater lately 
 transmitted to me through the hands of our Ambrose. 1 feel as if I 
 could bump my crown against the ceiling. I hae eaten the api)le o' 
 tlie tree of knowledge. I understand things I never had the least 
 ettling of before. Will ony o' ye enter into an argument? Choose 
 your subject, and I'm your man, in theology, moralily, anatomy, chem- 
 istry, history, poetry, and the line arts. My very language is Eng- 
 lisli, whether I will or no, and I am overpowered with a ]»ower of 
 words. 
 
 The Ofiiim-Bater (aside to Tickler). I fear that Mr. Mullion's 
 excessive animation is owing to a slight mistake of mine. I earelesslv 
 allowed a few grains of opium to slide out of my box into the plate of 
 kidneys which Mr. Hogg sent for my delectation ; and ere I could pick 
 them out, Mr. Ambrose wafted away the poisoned dish to Mr. Mullion, 
 at a signal, I presume, understood between the })arties. 
 
 Mullion. I say, Opium-Eater, or Opossum, or what do they c.ill 
 yon, did you ever see a unicorn ? What signifies an Egyptian ibis, or 
 crocodile of the Nile? I have a unicorn at livery just imw in IJoso 
 Street. Tickler, will you mount? Noble subject for John WaLsou.* 
 N^o man paints a unicorn better. 
 
 North. John Watson paints every thing well. l>ut {amle to The 
 Shepiieiid) saw ye ever such extraordinary eyes in a man's head as in 
 MuUion's ? 
 
 • Now Sir John Watson Gordon, President of the Scottish Academy of the Fme Arts, and 
 «ne of the best portrait-painters in Oreat Britain.— M.
 
 372 NOtTLS AMnROSIA>\E. 
 
 MnUlon. Francis Maxiiiuis Macnab's Theory of the Universe is tho 
 only st'us'lile l>f>ok I ever n-ad. Mr. Ambrose — Mr. Ambrose — bring 
 ine the Scotsman. 
 
 The Shepherd {to NoRni). I have heard there was something: wrang 
 \vi' Miillion at scliool ; and it's breaking out you see uoo. lie's gane 
 clean wild. I was he mayna bite. 
 
 Tickler. Sell your unicorn to Polito, Mullion. 
 
 MuUion. Polito ! — ay, a glorious collection of wild beasts — a perfect 
 Iloujc o' Commons ; where each tribe of the beasts has iis represen- 
 tative. Mild, majestic, lowzy-headod, big-pawed, lean-hurdied lion, 
 saw ye ever Mungo Park ? tiger, tiger, royal tiger— jungle-jumping, 
 son-o'-Sir-IIector-Munro-devouring tiger ! [Rises.) 
 
 The Sypherd. Whare are you gaun \ — Wait an hour or twa, and 
 ril see ye hame. 
 
 MuUion. I am off to the Pier of Leitli. What so beautiful as the 
 sea at midni<;ht! A glorious constellation art thou, O Great Pear! 
 llurra I Hurra ! [Exit, without his hat.) 
 
 The Opium-Eater. I must give this case, in a note, to a new edi- 
 tion of my Confessions. If Mr. MuUion did really eat all the kidneys, 
 he must now have in his stomach that which is about equal to tive 
 hundred and seventy drops of laudanum. 
 
 The Shepherd. Eat a' the kidneys !— That he did, V\\ swear. 
 The Opium- Elder. Most probably, Mr. Mullion will fall into a state 
 of utter insensibility in a couple of hours. Convulsions may follow, 
 and then — death. 
 
 The Shepherd. Deevil the fears. Mullion 'ill dee nane. Til wauger 
 he'll be eatiiifr twa Cirirs to his breakfast the morn, and a shave o' the 
 red roun'; lurking frae him a' the time wi' een as sharp as darum 
 needles, and pauiiin' in his cup for mair sugar. 
 
 Tickler. Suppose now that the conversation be made to take a lite- 
 rary or philosophical turn. Mr. North, what is your opinion on the 
 iutliience of literature on human life ? 
 
 North. Why, after all, a love or knowledge of literature forms but 
 a small and unimportant part of the character either of man or woman. 
 Have we not all dear friends whom we admit to our most sacred con- 
 tidence, who never take u)) a ])rinted bocdc (Maga excepted) from 
 year's end to year's end ? llow few married women remeuiber, or at 
 least care a straw about, any thing they read in their maidenhood, 
 when in search of husbands ! Take any lady, young, old, or middle- 
 aged, and examine the deai' creature with a few cross-questions, and 
 you will not fail to be delighted with her consummate ignorance of all 
 that is written in books. But what of that? Do you hke, love fs 
 tftem, despise, or hate her, the more or less ? — Not a whit.* 
 
 • " And ob, ye lords of ladies intellectual, 
 
 Inform us truly, have they not hcu-pcck'd you all 1"^ — M.
 
 rUKITY OF SCO-ITISII BONO. 373 
 
 The Opium Eater. The female mind knows ii.ttiiiiv-lv all ij.ii !« 
 really worth knowinsr ; and the performance of dutv with woi„..n i» 
 simply an omward mauiR'Station of an inward stale' a!,rn-..;d.le to na- 
 tare; l.olh alike uneonseioiisly, it may he, exisiitiir i„ pu,r,.,,t adai.la- 
 tioR to the peculiar circumstances of life. Books mav, or mav not 
 cherish and direct the tendencies of a female chaiacter,' naturally fine', 
 deli<-ate, pure, and also strong; but most certain is it that hooks art- 
 not the sine-qua-non condition of excellence. The w.Mnan who n.;ver 
 saw a book maybe infinitely superior, even in all ll;ose matters. .f 
 which books treat, to the woman who has read, and rva<l inlclli'^n-ntlv 
 10,000 volumes. For one domestic incident shall teach more wisdoln' 
 than the catastrophes of a hundred novels; and one sinijle smile Unxw 
 ;in infant at its mother's breast may make that mother wiser in lovo 
 
 I. 
 
 than even all the philosophy of I'laio and the poetry of Wordswort 
 
 Tke Shepherd. There now— I just ca' that sound' sense and a tr_ 
 apothegm. And what'll ye say to poets and sic like, that i)Ut meretri- 
 cious thoughts into the nature of woman, and dazzle the puir innoc.-nt 
 things' eyne till they can see naething like the path of duty, but <fang 
 ramstam and cainstrairy, aiblins to tJie right hand and ai'blins to the 
 left? lu that case, one might call his brother a fool, without dan<»-er 
 of the fire. 
 
 Tickler. Well spoken, my dear James. I beg your pardon, onco 
 more, for having ever called you " a coorse tyke." You have a soul, 
 James ; and that is enough. 
 
 The Shepherd. We have all so wis, Mr. Tickler, and that some folks 
 will come to know at last. But I am nae dour Calvinistic minister, to 
 deal out damnation on my brethren. All I say is this, that if the low- 
 est shepherd lad in a' Scotland were to compose poems just on jnir- 
 pose to seduce lasses, he would be kicked like a foot-ba' frae ae parish 
 to anither. And will gentlemen o' education, wha can read (Jrcek. 
 and hae been at a college-university, do that and be cuddled for't, that 
 would bring a loou like Jock Linton to the stang, the pond, or the 
 puni)) ? 
 
 JVorth. You don't mean to tell nie that tliere are no such sonors 
 among the old Scottish poetry, Shepherd ? 
 
 The Shepherd. No half a diz?en in the hail byke — and them wrote, 
 I jalouse, by lazy monks, losels, and gaberlunzie-men.* lint what I say 
 is true, that love-verses, composed wi' a wicked sj)irit o' deceit and 
 corru]>tion, are no rife in ony national poetry; and, least o' all, in that 
 of our ain ScotlatuL Men are men — and, blessings on them, women 
 are women ; and mony a droll word is said, and droll thing done, 
 among kintra folks. But they a' ettle at a kind o' innocence ; and 
 when they fa', it is the frailty of nature for the niaist part, and there is 
 
 • Gat-crltmsie — a mecdicant ; a rc<Tr guest who cannot pay for bis entertainment. — M.
 
 ?,~4: NOCTES AMDROSIAN-E. 
 
 Iruo repentance and reformation. But funny sangs are the wai-st o 
 poets' sins in lowly life; aiul if siccan a cliiel as Tain Muir, bonn) 
 liMnny writer as he is, were to settle in the Forest, he might hae a 
 gow.kMi tjoei-e, but in faith he would soon be a wether. 
 
 The Opium-Eater. Amatory poetry is not only the least intellectual, 
 but it is also the least imaginative and the least jiassionate of jioetry. 
 
 The Shepherd. Uoots, man — I dinna understand you sae weel now. 
 \\ hat sav ye I 
 
 The Opium-Eater. In mere amatory poetry — that is, verse addressed 
 to ladies in a spirit of coiiipliinentary flirtation, there is a necessary 
 prostration or rolin<juislimLMit of the intellect : the imaginative faculty 
 eaiinot deal with worthless trifles ; and passion, which cleaves to flesh 
 and bloo<l, dies and grows drowsy on a cold thin diet of words. 
 
 The Shepherd. Tliat's better expressed ; at least, it suits better the 
 level o' mv understanding, and that's the criterion we a' judge by. 
 Now, sir, this 1 wall say for the Lake folk, that they, ane and a', with- 
 out exceptions, excel in painting she-charactei-s. AVudsworth, Widson, 
 Soolhey, Coalrich, and yourself, sir, (for confound me gin you're no 
 a poet,) make me far mair in love with the "Women-Folk — the 
 Women-Folk," (wait a wee and you'll hear me sing that sang.) than 
 Tarn Muir and a' that crew. Wulson's gotten awfu' proud, tlu-y say, 
 since he wjis made a Professor ; but let him lecture as eloqueutly's he 
 liices, frae Lammas to Lammas, for fifty year — and by the Isle o' Talms 
 atid the City o' the Plague wuU he be remembered at last. They're 
 baitli fu' o' havers ; but oh ! man, every now and then, he is shublime, 
 and tor pawthos lie beats a'. Wudsworth wunna alloo that; but it's 
 true, and I hae pleasure in saying it. 
 
 The Ojnuvi-Eutcr. If, by pathos, you mean mere human feeling, Jis^ 
 it exists unmodified by the imagination, then our opinions respecting 
 the two poets coincide. But in " the thoughts that do often lie to<^ 
 deep for tears," I conceive Williain Wordsworth unequalled among 
 the sons of song. Mark me — I do not say that the other poet has no 
 imagination ; he has a fine and powerful imagination. But 
 
 The Shepherd. You may say ony thing against him ye like; but 
 you needna ruze Wudsworth alioon every body, leevin or dead. Ae 
 thing he does excel in — the making o' deep and true observations and 
 reflections, that come in unco weel among dull and barren places, and 
 wad sei've for mottoes or themes. Wudsworth's likewise a capital dis- 
 courser in a vivy-voce twa-handed crack, awa' frae his aiu house. About 
 yon Lakes, he's just peifectly intolerable. 
 
 Tieklvr. Come — have done with tlie Lakers. 
 
 North. I confess criticism is not what it ought to be, not what it 
 might be. But am I a bad critic, sir ? 
 
 'The Opinin-Eutcr. No, sir, you may justlv be called a good critic 
 For, in the firet place, you have a reverent, I had almost sjud a devout
 
 IS Noirrri a ckitic? 375 
 
 ivfrard for genius, and not only unhesilatiiitrly, l,„t wi,I, alanitv r,n.J 
 dt-liolit, pay It homage. You feel no degradation of self in ilit- .'xalta. 
 tioii of others ; and seem to me never to wiitt' .such jiiire Knglish, nx 
 when inspired by the divine glow of admiration. No otlier uiiic'do 
 I know since Aristotle, to compare with you in this great .-sscntial- 
 and feeling that on all grand occilsions yo'u are cordia? and sinci-re, I 
 peruse your eloquent expositions, and your fervid strains .,f ihongiit, 
 not always with entire consentaneity of sentiment, yet, without duul.t' 
 always in a .state approximating to mental unison; a state in which I 
 am made conscious of the concord subsisting hctween th(,' great strings 
 of our hearts, even by the slight discords that I internaily hear pro- 
 ceeding with an under tone, among the inferior notes of that mi-rlity 
 and mvsterious instrument. 
 
 The iShephcnL Gude safe us! — that's grand — and it's better th.an 
 grand, it's true. 1 forgie the lads a' tlieir sins, for sake o' their free, 
 out-spoken, opendianded praise, when they do mean to do a kind thing. 
 They huich tar ower muckle at me in their Magazine; but 1 caiiii;i 
 deny, I proudly declare't, that none o' a' the critics o' this age hao 
 had si(; an insight into my poetical genius, or roused me wi' sic fi-ar- 
 son)e eloquence. When they eulogize me in that gate, mv blood 
 gangs up like spirits o' wine, and I tin' myself a' gruin' wi' a' sort o' 
 courag(!(jus sense o' power, as if I could do ony tiling, write a better 
 poem than the Lay of the Last Minstrel, fecht l^onaparte gin he was 
 leevin, and snap my tingei's in the very face o' "The (Jude Man." 
 
 The Opium-Eater. But farther; you, sir, and some of your coadju- 
 tors, possess a fineness of tact and a delicacy of perception, that I in 
 vain look for in the critical compositions of your contenqioraries. You 
 pee and seize the beautiful evanescences of the poet's soul ; you know 
 the regions and the race of those fair spectral apparitions that come 
 and go before the "eye that broods on its own heart." Never can 
 poet lament over 3'our blindness to beauty, your deafness to the sounds 
 singing for ever, loud or low, from the shrine of nature ; — sii-, i/on have 
 no common sense, and that in this age is the highest praise that can bo 
 bestowed on the immortal soul of man. 
 
 The Shepherd. The deevil the like o' that heard I ever sin<-e I was 
 born ! The want o' common sense, the greatest praise o' a man's im- 
 mortal sowl ! 
 
 North. The Opium-Eater is in the right, James; there is no com- 
 mon sense in your Kilmeny, in Coleiidge's Ancient Mai-iner, in \Vords' 
 worth's Ruth, in our eloquent friend's " Confessions." Therefore Jolts 
 and dullards despise them — and will do to the end of time. 
 
 Tickler. I am of the old school, gentlemen, ami lay my veto on the 
 complete exclusion of common sense from a critical journal. But I 
 understand what Opium would be at ; and verily believe th:U he sj^aks 
 the truth, when he says, that the wildest creation of genius, and the
 
 oTG NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 fairest too, pure poetry in short, and not only pure poetry, but every 
 sj>ocies of iiupassioiietJ or imaginative prose, is understood better, deej>- 
 er, iind more eomp'ehensively, by Maga than Mrs. Roberts 
 
 The Op'nim-E'ittr. Mrs. k<»berts \ Pray, who is she ? 
 
 Tickler. Whv, Mv Grandmother. She edits the British Review.* 
 It wiis a whim of the proprietors to try a female ; so they bought 
 Mother Hol»erts a pair of spectacles, a bla(;k sarsnet gown, and an arm- 
 chair; and made her a howdy. She delivers the contributors, and 
 swathes their banthngs. Uowever, she has been, it is said, rather un- 
 fortunate in her practice ; for althougli most of the biats to whom she 
 has lent a helping hand, have come into the world alive, and cried 
 lustily, yet seldom have they survived the ninth day. I'oor things! 
 they have all had Christian burial ; but resurrection-men have grown 
 to a lamentable heii;ht: and several of the ricketty infant charges of 
 Mrs. Roberts have been traced to the dissect ing-table. Lord Byron, it, 
 is said, ha.s bottled a brace ; but there is no end of such shocking sto- 
 ries, so j>ush about the toddy, Christopher. 
 
 North. Pray, is it true, my dear Laudanum, that your " Confes 
 sions" have caused about lifty unintentional suicides? 
 
 The Opium-Eater. I should think not. I have read of six only ; 
 and tliev rested on no solid foundation. 
 
 Tickivr. What if tifty foolish fellows have been buried in conse- 
 quence of that delightful little Tractate on Education'^ Even then it 
 would be cheap. It only shows the danger tlial dunces run into, when 
 they imitate men of genius. Pother day, a strong-headed annuitant 
 drank to the King's health, standing upon his head, on the pinnacle 
 of a church spire, lie afteiwards described his emotions as most de- 
 lightful. Up goes his nephew (his sister's son) next morning before 
 breakfast; and in the excess of his loyalty, loses his heading; and at 
 the conclusion of a perpendicular descent of 180 feet by the quadrant, 
 alights upon a farmer's wife going to market with a pig in a poke; 
 and without any criminal intention, commits one murder and two sui- 
 cides. Was his uncle to blame ? 
 
 North. The exculpation of the Opium-Eiiter is complete. A single 
 illustration has sm.ished the flimsy morality of all idle objectors. And 
 now, my dear friend, that you have fed and flourished fourteen years 
 on opium, will you be persuaded to try a course of arsenic ? 
 
 The Opium-Eater. I have tried one ; but it did not suit my consti- 
 
 • Mr. Roberts, a lawyer, was proprietor and ed'.tor of a quarterly periodical called th« 
 EritUh lieview; and, when Byron jocosely said, in " Doa Juan," 
 
 " I've bribed my grandmamma's Review, the British," 
 
 Mr. Roberts was so silly as to take the matter seriously, challenge Byron to name how f>nd 
 wli.-n the bribe was Riven, and declare that the Whole was a falsehood. Byron respomled in 
 oFi amusing prose-epi-stle, signcil " Worthy Clutt';rbuck," and turned the laugh against 'lis 
 ■ Pl.rKnt. It is dilBcult to realize the idea of a man being so compl«tely what Hogg wcdd 
 call " jiiBt a grccD guse." — M.
 
 LIFE AT ALTIilVE. 37^ 
 
 tutioa either of mind or body. I leave the experimeut to youngur 
 men. 
 
 Tickler. Pray, North, tell us how you kissed the rosy hours at Wogf'W 
 Had you any rani ? " 
 
 North. I presume Noah would have thought it dry weather; l.iit 
 we had a little moisture for all that. Tiie lake rosi; ten feel durin.r tho 
 month I sorned* upon the Shepherd. First Sunday muriiiuTr wu 
 thought of going to the kirk; but looking through my snug lu-.l-nxini 
 window, I saw a hay-rick with Damon and Phcebe sailing down tho 
 Yarrow at about seven knots ; so 1 shouted to them, that if tiiey w.-io 
 going to divine service, they would please apologize for me to the 
 minister. 
 
 The Shepherd. Lord, man, it was an awfu' spate !f The stirks and 
 the stots came down the water like straes ; and in maist o' the pools, 
 sheep were thicker than sawmon. I heucked a toop wi' a grilsli-flee, 
 and played him wi' the pirn till I had his hea<l up the Douglas-Burn, 
 but he gied a wallop in the dead-thraws, and brak my tackle. 
 
 North. On the twentieth day, the waters began to subside ; and then 
 how beautiful the green hill-tops 1 
 
 The Shepherd. Ay, they were e'en sae. For the flocks on a hundred 
 hills were snaw- white, and the pastures drenched and dighted liy the 
 rains and the winds, till they kithed brichter than ony emerald, and 
 launched up to the bonny blue regions aboon, that had their flock;-., 
 too, as quate and as white as the silly sheep o' the earth. 
 
 Tickler. Did the Shepherd give you good prog, North ? 
 
 North. Prime — choice — exquis. Short jigots of five year olds, taper- 
 jointed and thick-thighed, furnished, but not overloaded, with brown, 
 crisp fat, deep-red when cut into, and oozing through every pore with 
 the dark richness of natural gravy that overflowed the trencher, with 
 a tempting tincture not to be contemplated with a dry mouth by the 
 most abstemious of the children of men. 
 
 Tickler. Go on, you dog — what else? — Please, Mr. Joyeuse, ring 
 the bell. Mr. Ambrose must bring us a devil. Or what do you say 
 to supping over again ? 
 
 North. To such mutton, add potatoes, dry even in such a season ; 
 so great is the Shepherd's agricultural skill. Ay, dry and mouldering, 
 at a touch, into the aforesaid gravy, till the potato was lost to the eye 
 in a heap of sanguine hue, but felt on the palate, amalgamated with 
 the mountain mutton into a glorious mixture of animal and vegetable 
 matter; each descending mouthful of which kept regenerating the 
 fthole man, and giving assurance of a good old age. 
 
 Tickler. Why'the devil don't Ambrose answer the bell ? 
 
 North. Then' the salmon. In the Forest, fish follows fle.sh. Tt 's 
 
 * Sorned — sojourned ; it sometimes means sponged —M. 
 t Spain — a flood.
 
 378 NOCTIiS AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 the slioulder cut. Each fl.ike is clear as a cairngorura —clear and 
 turdled — sappy — most sappy. 
 
 Tickler. I say, why the devil don't Ambrose answer the bell ? 
 
 {Rises and pulls (he worsted rope till it snaps in twain.) 
 
 Xorth. But then the inoorfowl ! The brown-game ! The delicious 
 muhiitoes ! The dear pepper-backs ! Savoriuess tliat might be 
 sucked without satiety by saint and sinner for three quarters of an 
 hour ! Oh ! Janu-s, that old cock ! 
 
 The Shepherd. He was as giule a beast as I ever pree'i ;* but I did 
 nae mair than pree him; for frae neb to doup did our editor devour 
 liim, as he had been a bit snipe — he crunclied his very banes, Mr, 
 Ti.kler ; and the very marrow o' the cretur's spine triukled down his 
 chin frae ilk corner o' his mouth, and gied him, for the while being, a 
 most terrible and truculent feesionomy. 
 
 Enter Mr. Ambrose. 
 
 Tickler. Bring in the cold round, a welsh-rabbit, and a devil. 
 
 {Exit Ambrose.) 
 
 North. My dear Shepherd, you will be dubbing me of the Gorman- 
 dizing School of Oratory. 
 
 The Shepherd. Oratory ! Gude ftiith, ye never uttered a syllable 
 till the cloth was drawn. To be sure, you were gran' company at the 
 cheek o' the fire, out ower our toddy. I never heard you mair pleasant 
 and satirical. You seemed to hate every body, and like every body, 
 and abuse every body, and plaud every body ; and yet, through a^ 
 your deevihy there ran sic a vein o' unendurable funniness, that, had 
 you been the foul Fiend himsd, I maun hae made you welcome to 
 every thing in the house. Watty Brydcn has had a stitcli in his side 
 ever sin' syne ; and Fahope swears you're the queerest auld tyke that 
 ever girned by an ingle. 
 
 North. Read that aloud, James. It is an article Ebony put into 
 my hand this afternoon. Let us hear if it will do for next Number. 
 
 ON THE GORMANDIZING SCHOOL OF ORATORY. 
 NO. n. LAWLESS. 
 
 We were informed by an observing Whig friend, who sat within 
 two or thres of Mr. Lawless's right or left hand at "The Glasgow 
 Dinner," that never in his life did'he see such a knife-and-fork played 
 as by the luisiiMAN.t No sooner had Professor Mylne said grace, 
 
 • ^'ree — to taste. — M. 
 
 t In the autumn of 1S22, at what was called " The Great Glasgow Dinner," one of the guestfl 
 was John Lawless, editor of a paper in Belfast, called Th.s Irlfhniiin. He was a man to make 
 any quantity of speeches, being always ready, with the Iran copia fac-amli, HU<i sometimes
 
 "UONEST JACK LAWLESS." -7., 
 
 Oil' 
 
 than Mr. Lawless began muncliing bread, till the taM.-,-l„i], befon 
 hiin wa.s all over crumbs. Alter deniolisliii.^r l,is „w„ roll iM,t|,i,.r, 
 would satisfy him but to clutch his ueighlxji's; in wliidi act ,,f ..,." 
 gression, (to our ininds, :u5 uiijusti liable as the partition of iNiJai.d )'l7« 
 was resisted by the patriotic and enipty-stomached (•onstiluti..iialiM i«. 
 whom, by the hiw of nature and nations, the staif <.f lit,, di.', lM.y,'.„,> 
 all controversy, belong. At this cntical junctur.-, a waiiur '.lai.ni.d 
 down before the Irishman a profound jdatter of warm snup, and tli.s 
 vermicelli in a moment disappeared from the face of the earth. As 
 good luck would hav(> it, another waiter covered the emj>tied trenc^or 
 with one of hotch-potch; and our informant expresses his convicti.»n, 
 that Mr. Lawless, while gobbling up the mess, reUiined not the must 
 distant recollection of his own prior performance. A cut of salnmn 
 then went the way of all flesh. The fish was instantly pursued, "with- 
 out stop or stay, down the narrow way," by the spawl of a turkey. It 
 appeared to our astonished informant, that the Irishman had swal- 
 lowed the shank ; but in that he had afterwards reason to believe him- 
 self mistaken. True it was, however, that a cold tongue, half as long 
 as his own, but with a difterent twang, went down the throat of the 
 distinguished stranger from the sister kingdom. A dumpliiur, like a 
 beetle, followed instanter ; an apple-tait, about eight inches°square, 
 barely turned the corner before a custard, and our last fat friend was 
 speedily overtaken by six sprightly syllabubs. At this stage of pro- 
 ceedings, our excellent Whig thought it high time to look after him- 
 self; and hence he was unable to keep an eye on Oiator Lawl.ss 
 But he distinctly remembers seeing him at his cheese. I'addy had 
 manifestly exchanged his own plate for one coming down the table 
 with a full cargo; while ever and anon a gulp of iiell's Beer swept 
 millions of mites into the great receptacle ; and firi;tlly, a long <h;- 
 lighted " pech," from the bottom of his stomach and his soul, told that 
 Mo. II. of the Gormandizing School of Oratory, would ere long dis- 
 chai'ge a — Speech. 
 
 In this proud state of repletion did Mr. Lawless sit for about three 
 hours, more or less, digesting his dinner and his harangue. Tho 
 Irishman, like most of his countrymen, has rather a pleasant appc;ir- 
 ance ; and now, with his brow bedewed, his cheeks greased, his eyes 
 starting in his head, and his stomach, God bless him ! tight as a drum, 
 HE AROSE. You might have heard the faintest eructation, so dead 
 
 rising into something very like eloquence. Lawless had studied the law, but, at the instance 
 of Lord Cliire, (the Irish Chancellor,) the benchers of the King's Inn, Duhlin, refused to cull 
 him to the bar, because he had been the warm friend of Koliert Kniniftt. IK' entered into 
 business after that, but settled down into the editorship of tlic very liberal " lri<liiiian." lie 
 was an original member of the first Catholic Association, but offended O'Connell in l->25, by 
 opposing what were called "The Wings" — concessions fiuni the Irish Catholics, in view of 
 Catholic Emancipation. In 1832 he was defeated as a candidate for Parliament, and died 
 in 1837. He was called " Honest Jack Lawless," from his courage in maintaining his owu 
 opinion, believing it to be well-founded, notwithstanding the opposition of O'Conuell. — M.
 
 *><. 
 
 b:) NOCTES AMUKOS1AX.E. 
 
 was the silence of the Assemlily liuoin. Except that he seemed rather 
 a little pot-bellied — as well lie might — his tigure showed to no disad- 
 vantage after that of Mr. lirougham. Yes! "After Mr. Brougham 
 bad concluded, Mr. Lawless, pioprietor of the Irishman, of 13eif;»st, 
 rose and addrci^ed the ^Vssembly in a most impressive and animated 
 manner." 
 
 Conscious of his own great acquirements, which our readers have 
 seen were great, the eloquent gormandizer exclaimed : 
 
 "I hope that I do not presume too much mIicu I say, that I am 
 pruprietor of a press which has some claims to independence. 1 am 
 an liusuMAX ; and in my native country I have the conducting of a 
 press, which, to the inhabitants of that part of Ireland, is its greatest 
 
 GLAUDIAN AND COXSOLATION ! P 
 
 Here Mr. Lawless put his hand to his stomach, aud the room rang 
 with applause. AVell might he have said, "I feel it /icre, gentlemen." 
 Soon afterwards he spoke of "a starving population," having himself, 
 in one single half hour, devoured victuals that would have kept ten 
 cabins in animal food from Mullingar to Michaelmas. But hear the 
 glutton after deglutition aud digestion ! 
 
 " What is the situation of the Irish peasant ? Goaded to madness 
 by the law, he appeals for refuge to public opinion. That opinion is 
 to be found in the press — it is found in tuis room ; it is found iu the 
 proverbial generosity of Englishmen ; it is discoverable in the chari- 
 ties OF THE human HEART !" So the Irish peasant is, first of all, to 
 read in Mr. Lawless's Belfast newspaper what is public opinion, as it 
 exists in the Assembly Room of Glasgow, and what are the charities 
 of the human heart as they breathe from the well-lined stomach of 
 this most unconscionable gormandizer; and then he Ib to set fire to 
 '' haggards " far and wide over a bhizing country, and murder families, 
 father, mother, and son, in cold blood. 
 
 But now the dumpling begins to work, and the custard cries within 
 liim. 
 
 " Your illustrious guest has eloquently spoken of the wonders which 
 he lias witnessed in his tour through Scotland, this land of chivalry 
 AND beauty; but he hsis not touched on a much greater wonder than 
 this, nor luus it yet been mentioned, namely, an Irishman addressing a 
 Scotch assembly, in defence of the civil and religious freedom of his 
 native land, and that Scotch assembly, not only listening to him with 
 the utmost toleration, but actuallv cheering him in his progress." 
 
 Now. Pat, you are indeed an Irishman. How the devil could Harry 
 Brougham call the attention of the company to the miraculous fact 
 of a speech from Mr. Lawless before you had opened your great 
 bawling mouth ? " It had not yet been mentioned," you say ; and I 
 again ask you, how the devil it could ? But where is the wonder in 
 an Irishman spouting before Scotch Whigs, upon the miseries of his
 
 LAWLESS AT P^USLEV. 3S1 
 
 couutry? Both O'Connors have done so ji hunihf.l liiii.-s, uu<\ nmny 
 other traitors, now hanged or expatriated. i)ul y.-u cxin-ct to be 
 hissed for your rho(K)niontade, after praisinjj the "Cliivahy and 
 Beauty " of Glasgow ? And was your oratory a " grcati-r woud.-r tlian 
 these f Tluni art a most ungrainniatieal gornian(hzfr, Mr. Lawless 
 proprietor of the Irishman of BeUast ; and yet so deligliledlv urienn- 
 sc'ous is the Devourer of Dumplings of tin; hulls ami l>lun."l.M-s that 
 liave come roaring out of his jaws, that he winds up his sage exordium 
 thus; and then we have no doubt, after cracking and creaking, lollop- 
 ping and laboring, stood still for a short pace of time, like an ill- 
 appointed jack, that seems to get rusty as the weight is wound uj), and 
 tlien all at once re-coinnaeuces operations, as if a brownie had got into 
 the wheel, and was making a fool of the nuxchinery. 
 
 "IIkke, Gentlemen, is the Tkiumpii of the I'uess, and of Reason 
 AND Liberality." 
 
 Our gormandizer then goes to Paisley, and by way of a littlo 
 variety, he dines instead of sups. At I'aisley, however, he is a much 
 grejiter character; for he is the Brougham of the Saracen Head. 'I'ho 
 Scotsman tells us, "that the band and tlie spirits were excellent." So, 
 we know, from the best authority, were the tripes, the black pud- 
 dings, the hot cockles, and the red herrings, a Dutch importation of the 
 182 L Mr. Lawless then made his expected speech — the sum and 
 substance of which was tliis, in his own words — " What more does a 
 radical reformer want tlian what Professor Mylne of Glasgow, in his 
 own modest, softened phraseology, was pleased to call a substantial 
 reform, at the late splendid dinner to Mr. Brougham ? I have been 
 lon<T au advocate for radical reform, understanding the term radical 
 exactly in the sense of Pi'ofessor Mylne ; and what then does radical 
 mean ? It means this, that every honest man of sound mind, should 
 have the right to choose his representative. The election should be 
 frequent, and that to secure the honesty of the constituent, and the in- 
 dependence of the representative, the sutirage shouhl be univei-sal." 
 Such, according to the Scotsman, is tlie opinion of the Reverend James 
 Mylne, Professor of Moral Philosoihy in the University of Glasg..w, 
 as expounded by his gormandizing commentator, Mr. Lawless of liel 
 fast. We can no more. 
 
 At the request of the President, Mr. Stewart, a fiieud and compan 
 ion of Mr. Lawless, addressed the meeting thus: "Mr. C'hairman, 1 
 am a Catholic. Ilere do I stand before you, with manacles on my 
 hands, and chains on my legs !" He ought to have been recommitted 
 on a new warrant. 
 
 The Shepherd. I hae read just aneuch o't. It will do for Balaam, 
 and that fule Lawless for the ass. 
 
 liorth. James — James — you are getting personal.
 
 3S2 
 
 NOCTES AMIiKOSIAN^. 
 
 Tickle. Why, this reJ-liot potato supposes itself somethinif above 
 coiumou. C»ijly think of his buimcing up after Brougham, and claim- 
 ing both kin«h"Cil an«J equality with that bird of passage. Brougham 
 is not a pluenix, iu my opinion; but as fur this braying, braggi nor, 
 bawling, bullying, bnizen-faced blocldiead, with his blundering blarney 
 from Behiust, a gieater goose never gabbled on a green, nor groaued 
 OL a gri<lirou, since the lirst introduction of that absurdest of all fea- 
 theretl fowls into the island of Great Britain. 
 
 The Shepherd. Stop Tickler, as weel's me, Mr. North. 
 
 Tickler. What brought the hound, with his Irish howl, into the 
 Lan.irk>hire pack ? 
 
 The Shepherd. What a confusion o' a' metaphors ! First, this Mr, 
 Lawless is a potawto — then a guse, syne a jowler — and forgie me, I 
 mysel caVl him an ass. What, what'll he be neist? 
 
 Tickler. What think ye, North, of the fellow's insolence in makinjr 
 free with Professor Mylne's name in that way ? 
 
 North. It would be more interesting and instructive to know what 
 Professor Mylne thinks of it, and also how he relishes it. Horrible 
 degradation, indeed, to a man of genius, learning, and virtue ! But 
 if I'at would drag the Professor into the Saracen's Head, how could 
 the Professor help it ? 
 
 Tickler. He might liave helped it by holding his tongue at the 
 Glasgow diimer, and by being satisfied with saying grace, or, better 
 still, by staying away. But this is not the fiist time the worthy Pro- 
 fessor has been misiepresented ; and let us believe that Pat's report 
 of his speech is as incorrect as (in days of old) Barbara's note of his 
 prayer, and commentary on his selection of Scriptural paraphrases. 
 
 The Shepherd. Tiiat's a' utter darkness to me — some local allusion, 
 I suppose — like so many jokes in your Magazine that nobody kens 
 ony thing about, but some tliree or four o'yoursels; and yet the Mag- 
 azine is lead over all the world ! I sometimes get sae angry at that, 
 that I think you a set o' stupid sumphs thegither. I ken the Eng- 
 lish folk canna thole't. Gin Mr. Joyous wereua sleeping, he wad tell 
 you sae. 
 
 North. I acknowledge the justice of your reproof; and to show 
 you that I mean to profit by it, there goes into the lire a long article 
 of fourteen pages, and a good one too, written by myself on the Glas- 
 gow dinner. Tickler's fragment is enough.* 
 
 ^ The Shepherd. Eh! what a bleeze. It's maist a pity to see the low. 
 Nae doubt, you geod them an awfu' dressing ; but far, far better to 
 prent iu its place yon gran article on Walleiistein, (is that right ])ro- 
 nouuced ?) or even that ane on my own Perils ; for I have observed, 
 
 • This waa an article In HUtckwood for October, 1823, (called "The Glasgow Dinner. A 
 Fragment. By Mr. Tickler,") which undertook to be very severe on Mr. Lawless, as an ora- 
 tor, bat was simply a strong tirade against Catholic Emaucipatioa.— M.
 
 COLERIDOK. 
 
 883 
 
 that let tne Wliigs do oi diiie, or drivel jis they chooso, non.; hul ihcin- 
 sells recollect ouy thing about it, aboon a week at the larth^-si ; ai,.J 
 therefore that article, now black in the aw.se, ruiir|i(, for ..ny nowity 
 the public could hae seen iu't, as weel been a dcaoriplion oV Aiexan- 
 der's or ]3elshazzar's Feast. 
 
 North. Who, think ye, Tickler, is to be the ucw cdit.jr of the (iunr- 
 terly 'i Coleridge ? 
 
 Tickler. Not so fast. The contest lies, I understand, between him 
 and Odoherty. That is the reason the Adjutant luis not been with us 
 to-night. He is up canvassing. 
 
 The Ophua- Eater. Mr. Coleridge is the last man in Europe to con- 
 duct a periodical work. His genius none will dispute ; but I have 
 traced him through German literature, poetry, and ])hilosophy ; and 
 he is, sir, not only a plagiary, but, sir, a thief, a bond fide rn<jst un- 
 conscientious thief. I mean no disrespect to a man of sui-passiu"- tal- 
 ents. Strip him of his stolen goods, and you will lind good clotiies 
 of his own below. Yet, except as a poet, he is not original ; and if he 
 ever become Editor of the Quarterly, (which I repeat is impossible,) 
 then will I examine his pretensions, and show him up as impostor. 
 Of Shakspeare it has been said, in a very good song, that "the thief 
 of all thiefs was a Warwickshire thief;" but Shakspeare stole from 
 Nature, and she forbore to prosecute. Coleridge hius stolen from a 
 whole host of his fellow-creatures, most of them poorer than himself; 
 and I pledge myself I am bound over to appear against him.* If lio 
 plead to the indictment, he is a dead man — if he stand nmte, I will 
 press him to death, under three hundred and fifty pound weight of 
 German metaphysics. 
 
 North. Perhaps it is a young Coleridge — a son or a nephew. 
 
 The Opium-Eater. Perhaps. Mr. North, I was most hap|)y to see 
 you let Odoherty do something like justice to Don Juan. Why will 
 you let political animosities prevent your Magazine being a real reflec- 
 tion of the literature of the Tories ? I never saw poetry criticised ex- 
 cept in Blackwood. The Edinbuigh Reviewei-s know nothing about 
 it. The Quartei'ly are hide-bound. The rest, with the exception of a 
 stray writer or two, are both ignorant and hide-bound. Your criti- 
 cisms on Shelley, in particular, did you immortal honor. Every body 
 of Hberality and feeling thanked you. Why not be always thus,' 
 Cut up the Whigs and Whiglings, (God knows they are vulnerable 
 enough,) and the Radicals and Republicans, (God knows they are 
 
 * One of De Quincey's favorite hobbies was a pretence— it may have been a belief— that Cole- 
 liiige stole ideas from German authors. So often did he charge the poet with this, (it isi re- 
 published in the Boston edition of his works, brought out with his aulliority, and to a certain 
 extent under his supervision,) that wlien Coleridge's family broucht out an eilition of the 
 Biogr:ii)liia Literaria, a large space of the introduction was dedic-ated to a defence of '•'<!»"- 
 thor from the Opium-Kater's accusations. Even if Coleridge nud plagiarized, it was like 
 stealing lead, to melt in the crucible of his own thought, aud be reproduced ao rich b^irbario 
 gold, pure us from the mines of Ophir. — M.
 
 384 
 
 NOOTES AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 prostrate enouirli,) to your soul's coatentmenL Only don't 7n'ix politics 
 witli literature ; nor 
 
 " To party give up what was meant for mankind." 
 
 yorfh. We have got back to the old story. What, my dear sir, do 
 vou think ot" our jK-rsonality ? 
 
 The Opium-Enter. It is the only charge I have for a long time past 
 heard urged against you. To me it seems a very tritling matter, and 
 necessarily uiu-onnected with the chief merits or demerits of a work 
 so various and profound ;is your Magazine. Coai'se attacks, if you 
 have any such, and you know better than I do, fail in their eti'ect, ex- 
 cepting upon animals too low for gentlemen's game. As a mere afi'air 
 of taste, 1 should say, ''use the dissecting-knife rather than the cleaver, 
 and leave the downright butchering business of literature to those to 
 whom the perquisite of the otfal may be of consequence." As a gene- 
 ral rule, I would say, tight a gentleman with a Damascus blade, tem- 
 pered with pertume ; with a blackguard, why, order your footman to 
 knock him down ; but if you want exercise, and now and then choose 
 to tui'ii to yourself, and drub him in his own way, where is the objec- 
 tion, I should like to know ? This is my personality creed. 
 
 Tickler. And a clear creed it is, thou most orthodox Opium-Eater. 
 One thing all must acknowledge, that people cannot help judging of 
 personality according to their amiable prejudices. A Whig reads a 
 libel on a Toiy, and chuckles over it as a most mitlriti'-moving jeu 
 d'esprit worthy of Moore himself, or Pirie's Chronicle, while the 
 pluckless Tory shows it to his friends, who tell him not to trouble his 
 head ?bout it, as it is evidently a piece of low blackguardism from 
 some hjngry hack of the Old Times.* A Tory reads a libel on a 
 Whig, and instantly, in the joy of his heart, gets it off by heart, per- 
 haps sets it to music, and sings it at Ambrose's ; while the enraged 
 Whig consults counsel, carries the Tory before a jury of Us country, 
 and bites his nails over farthing damages. All this is very perplexing 
 to a simple man like Timothy Tickler. 
 
 North. In that perplexity I humbly beg leave to join. There is 
 good Mr. Jeffrey, of whom I shall never speak but in ternis of the 
 highest respect, who calls Coplestone, the Provost of Oi'iel, a great, 
 awkward, clumsy barn-door fowl, foolishly flapping himself into an 
 unavailing effort at flight.f He even changes the Provost's sex, 
 makes him a hen, swears he saw him lay an egg^ and heard hiu) 
 cackle. There, on the other hand, is good Mr. Jeffrey, as fierce as a 
 fiend upon me in a court of justice, because Dr. Olinthus Petre thought 
 
 * Dr. StoiMart, who had edited 77i« TV'wm, commenced Tfie yew Tinwn, in opposition. 'Ih* 
 o igiual paper was tlien usually named as the OUL Times— or, blS Cobbett loved to call if. 
 •• Th^ blonitij Old Tiinfs."—M. 
 
 t Dr. Edward Copleston was elected Bishop of Llandaff in 1827, and died in 1849.— .M.
 
 rEIiSONi*. LITIES. 385 
 
 J 
 
 he perceived some resemblance, eitli(;r in fi.H!, p.:rson, .livs,s h^.i\,\u^^ „r 
 Cuiiveisation, between a friend of liis and a pairol.* Wli-it am I u. 
 make of all this? Is a panot an aniinai that ranks N.wit in the 
 scale of creation ihan a pullets Ai'-aiii, llic saint; lixviv and iii„st 
 exceedingly candid and consistent Mr. JetlVey, calls Mr." l>.ivis<.n. ji 
 clcrgyMian, (also once of Oriel,) a rat in a gntter, and all tli.i f.-ll,.VH 
 of the same college, cats, or retromingent creatnres, whi.'h Mr. .J.-lfivv 
 will confess is a most incredible accnsation, if lu> will (.niv try u» 
 qualify himself for admission into that society. Now, for any thing 
 that I care, Coplestone may be a barn-door fowl, l)avison a rat an<l 
 l-'lumer a cat; but if so — you sec the conscipience logical. 
 
 Tickler. Clearly, most noble Festus. I have long observed that 
 you never speak of Mr. Jeffrey l)ut in terms of the highest respect 
 80 do I. For example, liaron Lawerwinkel was somewhat severe on 
 the late Professor Playfair, insinuating, or asserting, I forget which, 
 that he had ceased to be true to his early profession of fiiith.f Up 
 jumps Jeti'., and sallies forth caji-a-pic, against the liaron, like Jack the 
 (iiant-Killer; but thinking better about it, he dotfs his armor, burkles 
 his enormous two-edged sword, half as long as himself, and betakes 
 himself to railing as bitterly as a northeast wind on a slccpv morninf^. 
 l>ut soft, wdio comes here? Not a grenadier, but Jetf. himself, calling 
 out upon Mr. Southey, " apostate," " renegade," and every other ino.st 
 opprobrious epithet. The Baron eyes liim for a while with increjusod, 
 but calm contempt, and then, like a noble-minded mastiff, lift.s him 
 up gently by the nape of the neck, and drops him into a pool, out of 
 which he scrambles with ludicrous alacrity, and shaking his small 
 sides, barks out " l*ers(mality." Now, Mr. North, ye may talk in high 
 terms of respect of whomsoever you think proper to flatter; but of 
 this priggish person, for this particular piece of priggery, I, Timothy 
 Tickler, have chosen to speak in still lugher terms of pity and 
 contempt. 
 
 The Opium-Eater. I confess that my opinion of Mr. Jeffrey is alto- 
 gether different. I am rather disposed to think with Wordsworth, 
 "that he who feels contempt for any living thing, has faculties that 
 he has never used." Mr. Jeflrey seems to me to be an amiable, in- 
 genious man, without much grasp and of no originality ; petulant 
 
 * Dr. Olinthus Petre was the name under which (in Blaokicood for November, 1820) the late 
 Dr. .Maginn charged Professor Leslie, who had criticised the Helirew hiiiBiiape. with IhorouRh 
 ignorance on the subject. In this a.rticle Petre said, " Am I to liow to lilm b.-ciiuse he Is Mti 
 Kdinhurffh Reviewer? I question the inspiration of that worthv oracle -.—and as to the Pro- 
 fessor's own part in its lucubrations, why, his impudent puffings of liiniself, and ipiiorant 
 sneerings at otliers, have often made me liken Leslie the Reviewer to some enorinpu.t over- 
 feil pet of the parrot species, stuck up at a garret-window, and occupied all day with saying, 
 Pretty poll— pretty poll,' to itself; ' Foul witch— foul witch,' to every p;isser-l>y." This coiu- 
 naii-on gave great offence to the Kdiiiburgh Whigs, of whom Le.'-lie was one, ami was set fortli, 
 1 believe, in the law-proseciition of Blackwood by Leslie, as having brought him " into hatred, 
 contempt, and ridicule." — M. - 
 
 + Baron Lawerwinkel (like Kempferhauscn, MuUion, Duller, Tims, and others) wu one of 
 Blackwood's ilfSHieurs dc VImiigi nation. — M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 27
 
 ."SG NOCrES AMBROSIANJ3. 
 
 ami frettoti in liis liuinors, hut kiuil aiitl cordiiil where he has a 
 hkiug — not sui-ely :i bitter euoiuy, and, I can well believe, an attached 
 friend. His £jreat orijriu'il error in life lay in his attempting to swav 
 lln; mind of Kngland : i ijiaiit eould not d<> that, nor twenty giants; 
 no wonder, then, that signal discomtiture befell one single dwarf. If 
 I might be allowed to use an illustration, after tlie manner of Mr. 
 Tickler, I should say that Mr. Jeffrey, being ambitious of notice, con 
 ceived the scheme of going up in a balloon — that the macliine was 
 Constructed of the proper material, a light silk, and not untastily 
 ornamented ; but that unfortunately there was a deficiency of gjis, so 
 that the globus a'erostaticus was never sufficiently inflated. The conls, 
 however, were cut, and the enterprising voyager began to ascend. 
 By and by, getting entjingled somehow or other by the foot, there he 
 hung with his head downwards, while the balloon cleared the roofe 
 of the houses, but could make no approximation to the lowest strata 
 of clouds. Finally, Mr. .J eti'rey got released, and he and his balloon 
 came to the earth almost together, and without any serious liurt to 
 the aeronaut, but the vehicle was irremediably injured, and in all 
 probability will never more be able to reach the chimney-top. 
 
 The Shepherd. Odd's my life! that simile's just unco like Tickler, 
 wi' a great tinge o' eloquence; for, oh dear me ! after all, a weel-edu- 
 cated Southron says things in a tosh and complete manner, that we 
 modern and northern Athenians canna come up to for our lives. 
 There's nae denying tb.at. 
 
 The Opium- Eater. With regard to these ludicrous, and, as many 
 pei-sons may not unwarrantably call them, impertinent and insolent 
 expressions of Mr. Jetfrey, more especially impertinent and insolent 
 •when applied to persons in the same rank of life as his own, and in- 
 deed somewhat superior, at least more dignified and authoritative, I 
 should say, that most probably Mr. Jeffrey employed them without 
 any very culpable feeling towards the parties, and merely in compli- 
 ance with the spirit of that vituperative system of contention with 
 our real or supposed opponents, which he did not originate, but which, 
 nevertheless, he, by his popular abilities, and by the favor which the 
 Edinburgh Review found with a great portion of the reading public, 
 lidped to make of veiy great prevalence in the periodical literature 
 of this country. A high-minded, and high-facultied man, could 
 scarcely, I think, have written as Mr. Jeffrey" has too often done ; but 
 I do not wish rashly to assert that he might not, remembering the 
 vulgar virulence of Milton not truly to his equals or supeiiors, for 
 wheie were they, but to his inferiors indubitably, and Avithout refer 
 ence to individuals, to all that portion of maidand, or womankind, 
 concerning whom he wiote in a controversial or ])olemical spirit. 
 
 North. Wisely spoken. But Mr. Tickler chiefly despises him, as it 
 seems to me, for the hypocritical claim he advances to perfect freedom
 
 niE wiiiGS. 8S7 
 
 from this falliiio;, and for the bitteniess witli wlii.li 1,.. ;,rr:.i;,'iiK that 
 conduct in others of which he is himself more frc.jueutlv guiliy than 
 any otlier man of eminence in this n^o. 
 
 llic Opiutii-Eater. That is another matter, and therein h..- is wiih- 
 out defen(!e. 
 
 The Shepherd. Weel, tlien, Mr. Tickler, is party-spirit, think yo, 
 likely to rin, like a great heavy sea, ower domestic intercourse in fami- 
 lies, this winter ? 
 
 Tickler. Why, James, I neither know nor care. My friends, for 
 upwards of half a century, have been Touiks •, and what is the sour 
 sulky face of a captious Whig to me, any more than his pcjitrait in a 
 picture — falling from which, I turn in calm contemi>t, or deep disgust, 
 to the well-pleased countenance of some staunch lover of iiis country 
 and his King? 
 
 The Shejjherd. But isna it a desperate pity to see mony clever cliiels 
 keepit apart just for mere dillerence o' opinion about the govt-rnment ? 
 
 Tickler. Pray, where are all these "clever chiels ?" Take away 
 a'^out four AVhigs, and are not all the rest confounded dogs ? I can- 
 not really be too grateful to party-spirit for keeping such gentry in 
 their own circles. I hope, James, you are not going to join the 
 Pluckless ? 
 
 North. I am more Whiggish than you. Tickler. What can Ikj 
 inore amiable than the present zeal of the Whigs in the cause of 
 Spain ? They are doing all they can to wipe oti' the foul stain of their 
 truckling to Bonaparte when he stormed Spain. They are crying 
 shame upon their former selves ; and. why not believe them to be sin- 
 cere ? 
 
 Tickler. Hypocrites. 
 
 North. Then, have they not subscribed four thousand, three hun- 
 dred, sixteen shillings, and eight-pence three farthings, for the Greeks? 
 
 Tickler. Scrubs. 
 
 North. Did they not wish us to go to war, like a brave people ? 
 
 Tickler. Fools. 
 
 North. Did they not call Bonaparte the guardian of the l-berlies of 
 the world ? 
 
 Tickler. Liars. 
 
 North. Who but they would change our criminal law ? 
 
 Tickler. Knaves. 
 
 North. Are they not for a " substantial reform ?" 
 
 Tickler. Radicals. 
 
 North. Are they not adverse to the prosecution of the foes to 
 Christianity ? 
 
 Tickler. Deists. 
 
 Notth. Would thej not fain overlook blasphemy? 
 
 Tickler. Atheists.
 
 3SS NOCTES am:bkosi-'ln^^. 
 
 North. Are thev not friends to the liberty of the Press ? 
 Tickler. Libellers. 
 
 The Shepherd. You stopt me a while since, and I cry stop till baith 
 o' you now. I kfuua wha's the worst. I hae uae notion o' sic despe- 
 rate bitterness in politics. What can Mr. Joyous be thinking a' this 
 while \ Mr. Vivian, you haena spoken muckle the nicht, but the little 
 vou did say wiis to the purpose. I dinna like folk ower furthy a' at 
 ance. Besides, you are sadly knocked up, man. That Gretna Green 
 is a sad business. 
 
 North {laying his gold repeater on the table). Twelve o'clock. Old 
 Chronos smites clearly, and with a silver sound. My dear Vivian, we 
 keep early hours, and vour young bride will be in tears. I understand 
 your silence, and know your thoughts. You are at Barry's Hotel. 
 None better. Allow me to accompany you to the steps. Give me 
 your arm. my good boy. 
 
 (Exeunt oinnes — Xorth leaning on Joyeuse and the Opium- 
 Eater, Mr. Ambrose bustling before with the blazing 
 branches, and Tickler, arm-in-arm with the Shephero, 
 Unoering in the rear.)
 
 No. XIII.— MARUn, 1824. 
 
 Dram. Pers. — North and Ticklkr. 
 
 Tickler. Proper humbug ! — but dou't rail, North, for I remember 
 his father 
 
 North. I rail ! — I like him better than most of them, for lie Ao* 
 pluck — he has the old lad's blood iu him. I was only womlcritifr tliat 
 he should again commit himself in such a way ; but there really is no 
 accounting for Whig conduct. 
 
 Tickler. Pooh! pooh! I was joking, man; he is in private a 
 pleasant fellow enough, but in public, he is one of the hacks of the 
 paity, and of course obliged to get through such things. Yet it 
 would be no harm, I think, if he remembered to what set of men, an<l 
 what system, his people owed their honors; and, jierhaps, althou<,di 
 he is iu the service of the Duke of Devonshire,* such a recollection 
 might make him less rabid on the followers of Pitt. 
 
 North. Hang it ! such a cheese-paring is not worth wasting a sen- 
 t.p,nce about. Keep moving with the Review. The price of tea — I 
 think we're that length 
 
 Tickler. I leave to the swallowers of Souchong, Campoi, llyson, 
 Hymskin, Bohea, Congou, Tvvankay, and Gunpowder. This will be 
 a favorite article with the Cockneys — with the leafy — that is, tea- 
 leafy bards, who 
 
 Te redeunte die, te decedente canebant. 
 
 It is nothing to us. 
 
 North. Nothina: whatever. I leave it and the discussion on the 
 Holy Alliance, to be swallowed by those whom it is meant for. 
 
 Tickler. The Jeremiade over the Italian traitojs is vjxstly interesting; 
 then it appears, that, after all, only one of the rutliaus expiated his 
 crimes on the gallows. 
 
 North. God bless the Jacobins, and their child and champion. They 
 would have made cleaver work of it. It is, however, quite coinfortablo 
 to hear Old Bailey lawyers, like Denraau and Brougham, talking of 
 
 * It would appear from this that the delinquent was .Tames Abercroraby, the Duke's «tew- 
 a'd, and now Lord Duraferline, with a pension of £4000 a year for hid own life, and thai of 
 his son, as ex-Speaker of the House of Commons ! — M.
 
 390 NOCTES AMBEOSIAN^. 
 
 the savagoness of the Austrian Government, wlien they must know, 
 that in a population double our own, the executions are as one to five, 
 if not in a still smaller proportion. A Vienna review, if there be such a 
 thing, could finely retort that in uur faces. With respect 
 
 Odoiierty {outside). The club-room — only Mr. North and Mr. 
 TickK-r. 
 
 Waiter (outside). That s all, sir. There's a trifle of a balance, sir, 
 
 against you since 
 
 ^ Oduherty {speaks as he enters). Pshaw — don't bother me, man, 
 with your balauoes. Do you think, when the interests of the world 
 are going * » be debated — Gentlemen, a pair, am right glad to see 
 you. 
 
 North. Sit down. 
 
 Tickler. And here's a clean glass, 
 
 Xorth. What will ye diink ? 
 
 Tickler. Champagne, Chateau-Marge )t, Glenlivet, or Jamaica ? 
 
 North. We have got to the hot stufi" this hour. Will you try our 
 jug, or make for yourself^ 
 
 Tickler. I reconmiend the jug. 
 
 Odoherty. I am quite agreeable wherever I go. Here's a bumper 
 to your health, and that of all good men and true. 
 
 Tickler. IJow long are you arrived ? 
 
 Oduherty. Ualf an hour. Knew I'd meet somebody here. Where 
 are the I'est ? 
 
 y\>rth. Hogg is at woik with his epic poem. 
 
 Oduherty. liis Ile-pig poem you mean. Queen Ilynde, if I mistake 
 not. A great afiair, 1 suppose. 
 
 Tickler. Quite grand. The Shepherd has been reading it all over 
 the h'lls and far away. There are fine bits in it, I assure you. I 
 heard the exordium ; it is splendid. 
 
 Odoherty. Do you remember any of it ? 
 
 Tickler. No — not enough at least to sj)0ut. 
 
 Odoherty. I met Jennny Ballantyne at York — -we supped together 
 • — and he told me he had heard it was to open like the ^neid or 
 Madoc. 
 
 North. The ^neid or Madoc ! Just as you would say Blackwood's 
 Magazine and the London ! Uow do you mean ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, with a recapitulation of all his works — as thus — I 
 
 quote from memory 
 
 Tickler {aside). Or imagination. 
 Odoherty. 
 
 Come listen to my lay, for I am he 
 Who wrote Kihneny's wild and wondrous song, 
 Likewise the famous Essay upon Sheep, 
 And Mador of the Moor ; and then, unlike
 
 BYKON. 3{) I 
 
 Those men who flinu; tluMi- pearls before tlie Hog, 
 I, Hogg, did fling my Perils before men.* 
 
 North. A pun barbarous. 
 Odohertif. 
 
 But still more famous for the glorious work, 
 Wliieh I, 'neath mask of oriental sage, 
 Wrote and eoncocted in auspieious hour— 
 The Chaldee Manuscript — wiiioli. with a voioe 
 Of thundering sound, fulinined o'er Edinburgh, 
 Shook the old CaUon from its granite base. 
 Made Arthur's Seat toss up its lion head. 
 And snutt" the wind in wonder ; while around. 
 Eastward and westward, northward, southward, nil 
 The ungodly, struck with awe and ominous dreud 
 Of the great ruin thence impending o'er tliem, 
 Fled frighted, leaving house and home behind. 
 In shameful rout — or, grovelling prostrate, showed 
 Their nether parts uncomely 
 
 Tickler. I think you may stop there. 
 
 North. In all conscience : I shall not permit nogg to be quizzed 
 He is too good a fellow, and I am sure his poem will do him credit. 
 Sing a song, Ensign, for you seem to be in iiue voice. 
 
 Odoherty {sings). 
 
 "Woiild you woo a young virgin of fifteen years, 
 
 You must tickle her fancy with Sweets and Dears, 
 
 Ever toying and playing, and sweetlj", sweetly, 
 
 Sing a love-sonnet and charm her ears — 
 
 Wittily, prettily, talk her down — 
 
 Phrase her and praise her, fair or brown — 
 
 Soothe her and smooth her. 
 
 And tease her and please her, 
 
 Ah ! touch but her fancy, and all's your own. 
 
 I must have a glass ere I take the next stanza. 
 
 Would you woo a stout widow of forty years— 
 
 TicMer. Come, stop, stop, Odorherty, none of your stuff. Any lite- 
 ?'ary news in London town ? 
 
 Odoherty. Not much. Lord Byron, you are aware, has turned 
 'I'ui-k. 
 
 North. Greek, you mean.f 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, ay — Greek, I meant. I always confound these 
 fcoundrels together. But the Greeks in London have met with a sad 
 defeat. That affair of Thurtell's was a bore. 
 
 * Two of Hogg's prose fictions were "Three Perils of Man," and " Three Perils of Woman." 
 Tliey are amusing enough, but often improbable in ineidtnt, and sometimes too broad in lan- 
 guage and sentiment. — M. 
 
 t Byron quitted Genoa the Proud in August, 1S23, for Greece, where he died on the I'Jtl 
 AprU, 1824.— M.
 
 r.02 NOCIES AMDKOSIAN^. 
 
 Tickler. Curse (lio nifli.iu — the name ou<;lit not to be mentioned in 
 decent soeiety. But \Ve:ue w;is just :us gieat a blackguard. 
 
 Oilohertii. Yos ; and Sam Kogors says that that is tlie only excuse 
 for Tliurtell. lie did right, said Sam, lu cat such au aciiuaiutance. 
 
 Nurth. Why, Sam is turning quite a Joe Miller. Uave you seen 
 the old gentleman lately ? 
 
 Odohirtij. About a fortnight ago — Tom Moore was with him. 
 
 Xorth. I thought Tum was rusticating. 
 
 Odvherty. Yes, in general ; but he is now in town, bringing out a 
 new number of his Melodies. 
 
 Xorth. Is it good ? 
 
 Odoherty. Nobody except Power and his coterie has seen it yet ;* but 
 I understand it is very excellent. It will be out in a couple of months. 
 There is one song in it to the tune of the Boyue Water; the great 
 Orangem. n tune, you know, which is making them nervous. 
 
 North. \Yhy? 
 
 Odoherty. Because conciliation — curse the five syllables, as Sir 
 Abraham King says — is carried to such a happv pitch in Ireland, that 
 tune, toast, statue, picture, displeasing to the majority, are denounced 
 as abominable. 
 
 North. A pretty one-sided kind of conciliation with a vengeance ! 
 but I am sorry Moore is so squeamish. Ai'e the words Oi'ange^ 
 
 Odoherty. Xot at all ; some stuff about au angel or nymph rising 
 out of the Boyne, and singing a song to pacify the uatives.f 
 
 Tkkhr. And even this must not be published, for fear of offending 
 the delicate eais of SheilinagigJ; and Co. ! Is not Moore doing a jeu. 
 d'e^prit about your Irish Kugjintino, Captain Rock? 
 
 * James Power, a music-publisher in London, employed Moore, from 1S06 to ISSfi, (when 
 Po»ver died,) to write the Irish Melodies and other songs for him. For the Melodies alone, he 
 paid him iJiiKl a-year duiinsr those 3ii years. There are VH Mel(>die.s, and as the whole amount 
 received by Moore was i'lo.lUHl — to say nothini; of loss of interest, which would more than 
 quadruple it, by aritlimi-tical progression — Moore actually received £121 for each of those 
 Bongs. Their average length was twenty lines, — whicli would mal<e the payment over £6 or 
 i'iii (I line! — Mijore's correspondence with I'ower, during tliirly years, amounted to over 
 I'Joci If Iters, all of which were submitted by Power's daugliters to Lonl John Russell, editor of 
 Moore's .Memoir, Journal, and Correspondence. Kussell selected only ST out of these, which 
 I;e |irinle(l with omissions. The whole collection was then sold by public auction in London, 
 and thus dispersed forever. A volume was prepared, giving tlje gist of tiiis correspondence, — 
 it was even i)rinied. liut Lord John Kussell, thinking that it was not likely to exalt the char- 
 acter of Moore — whose conduct to Power, even while literally supported by him, was insolent 
 and ungrateful — threateneii to apply for an injunction to restrain the pnl)licalion, (as had 
 been successfully done, in 1824. by liyron's letters to his mother and to Mr. Dallas, on the le- 
 gal gmuiiil that lii-s executors alone had a publishing jnopeny in his correspondence,! and tlie 
 iippearance of the book in Kngland was prevented. However, it has been publi>he<l iji this 
 cxunlry, Willi an explanatory inlrodiiction by Crofion Croker, and unhap|>ily shows that as 
 1111 man is a hero rb lijs ritH-tlt-clKiinhre, so a poet may be very "small deer" iu his rela- 
 tions with his )>uldislier. — M. 
 
 + The meliMly re]iresents vaminished Erin weeping beside the river I'.oyne, into wliicli Dis- 
 cord dr.ips his <|uiver, — each year to return, recover, and disper.-e them through Ireland; 
 and, uhen she asks the power of (iood when this is to end, the Uemon replies, " Never !" It 
 w.is a puerile fancy feebly elaborated into song. — M 
 
 % There is an Irish air called SlieilliiHgig Otice upon a time, in Dublin, when one of th4 
 pnat Irish orators, v/ho had acculeiitally' injureil one of his U:a; was proceeding ihrouijli 
 ^HCnville street in a Bath chair, a bystander, (viz Mr. J. G, Mieuer, the musical composer
 
 b 
 
 HAJJI BABA. 393 
 
 Odoherty. Yes— but he is nervous thei-e too * Lonirman A Co. arc 
 cautious folk, and it is subniittod to Dciunan, or some oth.-r .1...T, who 
 will bedevil it, as he did the Fables for the Holy AUianc*-. 
 
 Tickler. Well, Lonirman has published, however, one little bo..k this 
 year, that bears no marks of the kuifo — have you sc-eii that cli-v.-r 
 thin<r — the "Stranger's Grave," I mean? 
 
 Odoherty. I have to be sure, so has all the world— but still upon 
 the whole it is not to be denied, that the Divan have not half the 
 Bpunk of their lival who rules in the west of the Empire of Cotk- 
 aig'ne. 
 
 Xorth. Joannes de Moravia? Have you seen him, Odolicrty, in 
 your ti'avels ? 
 
 Odoherty. Of course — of course — a most excellent fellow that s:ii<l 
 bibliopole is. 
 
 North. That I know. How does he carry on the war ? 
 
 Odoherty. In the old style. Morier and his people are mad with 
 you for your blackguard review of Hajji Baba.f 
 
 North. My blackguard review, Mr. Adjutant — it was you who 
 wrote it. 
 
 Odoherty. I ! Well, that beats Banagher.J 
 
 Tickler. No matter who wrote it — it was a very fair quiz — better 
 than any thing in the novel — though really I must say that I consider 
 Hajji rather an amusing book after all. 
 
 North. N'importe. Has Murray much on hand ? 
 
 Odoherty. A good deal. Croker is going to publish with him the 
 Sutiolk Papers.§ 
 
 North. Heavy, I suppose. 
 
 now of New-York,) being asked by a friend from the country, who was that little man with tt a 
 larpe flashing eyes, musically answered, " Sheil-in-a-gig " — M. 
 
 * Moore's Memoirs of Captain Rock appeared in April, IS'24 — was much abused by Black- 
 wood and other Tory publications, but was very successful. — M. 
 
 t The Adventures of lltijji Baba of Ispahan ; a novel, in three volumes," was published in 
 London, by Murray, in 1824. It was reviewed in Bldckwood for January, 1S25 Odilly enough, 
 Ebony, •.vliich had attributed " Anastasius " to Lord Byron, wlio did not wrili; it. in:ide Himihcr 
 blunder in this review, by affiliating " Hajji Baba" upon Thomas Hope, the aiMual author of 
 " Anastasius," and said, " The work is not merely as regards matter, interest, taste, and diolce 
 of subjects, three hundred per cent, at least under the mark of Anastasius, but the style is 
 never forcible and eloquent; and, in many places, to say the truth, it is miserably b:id." 
 Ag::in, " Of Anastasius, one would sny that it seemed to have been written by some mighty 
 hand, from a store, full, almost to overflowing, with rich and curious material : of ll:ijji Itaba, 
 tliat some imitator, of very little comparative force indeed, had jiicked uji the reiniiai:t of the 
 rilled note-book, and brought it to market in the best shape that he was able." It appeared, 
 after all, that James Morier was the author. In early life he haii travelled e.\tensivel.v in the 
 East, and related his adventures in " Travels through Persia. .Xruienia, .Vsia Miimr to Cim- 
 stantinii])le." In ISIO, at the age of thirty, he was a))pointe[l British Envoy to the ("ourt of 
 I'ersia, where he remained until 1SK5, and soon after his return, published " .\ .second Journey 
 throiiL'h I'ersia." This was followed by H ijji Baba, which (iles))ite the /jV.</(X-H«»</ criticism) 
 is very clever In a second series, he brought hi.s hero — a sort of rersiaii jiicaroim, on the 
 Gil Bias model — into England. In Zolirab the Hostage, and other works of prose fiction, Mr. 
 Morier showed great knowledge of Eastern life, manners and cus. oms, and considerable skill 
 In embodying it. He died in i848, aged sixty-eight. — M. 
 
 % There is an Irish saying, " That beats Banagher, ami Banagher beats the world "—M. 
 
 I John Wilson Croker edited the Letters of Lord Hervey, the Sullolk Tapers, aaU Lojd 
 Hervey's Memoirs of the Reign of George the Second.— M.
 
 39i NOCTES AMBROSIAM^. 
 
 OJ'jherti/. No — the contrary — at least fo I am tolJ. Croker could 
 Dot do any thin<^ heavy. 
 
 Xortli. He is tuiul of clitlng oltl papers — Lord Hertford has placed 
 tJie Oouway Tapers in his hands; and I perceive, hy a note in the 
 new edition of D'Israeli's Curiosities of Literature, that the old gentle- 
 man 
 
 Tickler. An excellent judge. 
 
 Xorth. Few better — declares that they will throw much light on 
 our, that is, English history. 
 
 Odoherty. Apropos of Croker — a namesake of his, and a country- 
 man of mine, a line lad, one of my chiefest chums, indeed, has brought 
 out with Murray a quarto on the South of Ireland. 
 
 Xortk. I have not read it — just looked over the prints — very 
 famous lithography, by my honor. 
 
 Odoherty. Oh, the Nicliobons are prime fists at that kind of work. 
 The book has sold in great otyle, which is no bad thing for a lump of 
 a quarto.* IIow does Maga get on ? 
 
 JVortk. As usual. Are our brother periodicals m statu quo? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, heavy and harmless. Whittaker is going to start a 
 new bang-up, to be called the Universal — a most comprehensive title. 
 
 North. It is, I understand, a second Avatar of the New Edinburgh, 
 witli some fresh hands. God send it a good deliverance! 
 
 Tickler. Was the Universal the name originally proposed? 
 
 Odoherty. No — the Bimensial — as it is to come out every two 
 months. Rogers knocked up that name by a pun. "Ay," said he, 
 ''you may cry lii-men-sial, but the question is, whether Men-shall- 
 buy ?" A bad pun, in my opinion.f 
 
 North. O hideous — {aside) it is his own. 
 
 T'ickler. Abominable — {aside) evidently his. "We'll spoil his fishing 
 for coinplimenLs. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, look ye, gentlemen, I do not think it quite so bad 
 as that — I can tell you I have heai'd worse at this Uible. 
 
 North. Ila ! ha ! ha ! Caught, Ensign ? — Empty your glass, man, 
 and don't tiiink to impose on us. 
 
 Odoherty. Well, so be it. Any thing for a quiet life. Here I have 
 
 * This " lump of a quarto " was called " Researches in the South of Ireland, illustrative of 
 the Sociiery, Architectural Ueuiains, and the .Manners and Superstitions of the Peasantry. By 
 T. Crofton Cr<,ker." It was reviewed more than once, with hipli commendation, in Jilack- 
 woo'/, who said it "consists in [of?] tlissertations on the civil and ecclesiastical history; the 
 scenery; the architectural aiiliiiuities ; the rouialitic sujierstitioMs ; and the literature of Ire- 
 laml, connected hy a slender thread of personal adventure, in a tour throuph the southern 
 counties, iu coinpany with Miss Nicholson ami Mr. .\lfred .Nicholson, whose illustrations in- 
 crease the ocauty and value of the work." The lady here mentioned afterwards became Mrs. 
 Croker.— M. 
 
 + Ii Is foolish to give a hook a name which can be punned upon. Thus, even before No. 1 
 was pulilished, a projected and since popular periodical was spoken of as lientley's Miss-sell- 
 atiy. That, by the way, was orldinally announced as "The Wits' Miscellany." but iinally ap- 
 peared as "Iteulley's Miscellany." Hood said, when he heard that the first name wj'.s aban<loned. 
 as too ambitious, " That may be a reason for not call.ng it the WTte' Miscellany but, my dear 
 litullcy, why run into tlte opponUe extreme t" — M.
 
 SIIEE8 ALA8CO. 39.> 
 
 brought you Mr. Gleig's p.impl.Iet about tbo Missienaric^ I asM.m 
 you tew things have made luoie n..i^ie about town. 'Tis n-allv -i ,.ii|,v 
 performance— devihsh well written too— a risin<r Ki.ri- of il,..' .\|i,,,. 
 thi;-, sirs. o i ^^ 
 
 Tickler Just the thing I was wanting to see— I saw ii ,i„..i...l i„ ,I.e 
 Jehu Bull, buch authors are much wanted now-a-days. Any thin., 
 else, Ensign ? "*■ J . ^ 
 
 Odohcrty. Why, here's the new comedv, too— spick and «i.an 
 North. " l>ride shall have a Fall." Whose is iU 
 
 Odolierty. Moore's— Luttrell's-Cruly's-Joues's-^Ilogcrs's-Soane's 
 All ot which names I saw in print.* 
 
 Tickler. l]ut whicli is rio-ht? 
 
 Odohcrty. Never dispute with the newspapers— all must be rifdit. 
 1 only think it proper to mention that Soane is given on the authontv 
 of the Old Times. ^ 
 
 Tickler. A lie, of course. Nothing more is needed to prove that it 
 is not Soane. How did it run ? 
 
 Odoherty. Like Lord Powerscourt's waterfall— full and fa.st. Il is 
 the most successful comedy since John Bull. 
 
 North. I shall read it in the morning. It seems to be elef^antlv 
 written. * ^ 
 
 Odoherty. Veiy elegantly indeed— and the music is beautiful. Al- 
 together it acts right well. You have heard of Slice's Alasco ? 
 
 North. How George Colman suppressed it ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, and on what grounds ? 
 
 North. Something political, I understand; but I do not know 
 exactly what. 
 
 Odoherty. Nor I veiy exactly ; — but it is understood that the hero 
 (to be enacjted by Charles Kemble) was a Liberal. 
 
 Tickler. That is, a ruffian " nulla virtute redemptus.^'' 
 
 Odoherty. Exactly, and Shee, with no other meaning tlian to write 
 dramatically— for Shee is a worthy and nght-mindctl iellowf — gave 
 this lad all the roaring, rumfustian, upper gallery, clap-trap, hullabal- 
 loos about liberty, emancipation, the cause of freedom all over the 
 
 • It was written by the Rev. George Croly, and was perfornu-d in London (at Covont 
 Garden Theatre) with great success, partly owini; to the merit of the comedy ; partly to its 
 being written to illustrate the airs and graces of a fashionable Cavalry Regiment, j-o that 
 every line was applicable to the llltli Hussars, who had just made themselves the butt of I^ui- 
 Uon ; and partly to Frederick Vates's extraordinary personation of Cornet Count Carnnne. — ^^. 
 
 t Martin Archer Shee, who was at once Poet and I'ainter — a few degrees above mediocrity 
 in both professions — published a Tragedy called "Alasco," with a preface, in which he srvcnly 
 rated George Colmau, the licenser of plays, for having prohibited its i)erfortiiance without the 
 omission of certain lines wliich he (the licenser) tliought uiitit for )>nblication. On the death 
 of Sir Thotnas Lawrence, it was intimated that George IV. would be pleased if tlie Koyal 
 Academy would elect Sir David Wilkie to fill the Presidential chair, thus vacated. The Acade- 
 micians, indignant at the idea of being dictated to, almost utianimously elected Sliee, who was 
 knighted, as a matter nf course, on the occasion. The President:, since the formation of thu 
 Koyal Academy, in ]"6S, have be3n Sir Joshua Keynolds, .Mr. West, Sir Thomas Lit»rence, 
 Sir Martin Shee, and Sir Charle VusUake. This last was elected on Sliee'g death, in 1S60.— M.
 
 o'^G NOCTES AMBROSIAJs^^. 
 
 woilJ, and the other fine things, on which the Breeches-maker's 
 lioview 
 
 North. What review, do you say ? 
 
 Odoherty. The Westminster — but as Phice, the snip of Charing'- 
 Cross, is the great authority in it, it is never called any thing in 
 London but the Breecht-s-maker's Uuview. Uowever, as 1 was saying, 
 the etlective part, acted by the effective actor, was this soit of gun- 
 powder stufl', while the anUigonizing jirinciple, as his holiness Bishop 
 Cc'leridge would say, was a fellow as humdrum as one of the pluck- 
 less Prosei-s of the Modern Athens, and to be performed by one Cooper 
 or Carpenter. So the Benthamism had it all to itself — and in English 
 too, a language which Jerry, you know, does not understand ; and 
 therefore c;innot corruj)t the nation by scribbling in it. 
 
 Tickler. If such be the case, Colman was quite right ; though, after 
 all, the country i^^ so well disposed, that it might have been left to tlic 
 decision of the House. 
 
 North. Which would, I think, in the present temper of the people, 
 have damned any thing Jacobinical or verging thereto. 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, ay, countryman O'Connell, with grief, is obliged to 
 confess, that " Toryism is triumphant." Fill your glasses — Here's long 
 may it so continue ! 
 
 North and Tickler. Amen, amen. 
 
 Odoherty. Any news in Edinburgh? 
 
 North. Order up supper immediately. News in Edinburgh ! Bless 
 your heart, when had we news here ? 
 
 Tickler. The old affair — Listen and you shall hear how it has gone, 
 goeth, and shall go at Ambrose's. [Si7iffS.) 
 
 Ye sons of the platter give ear, 
 
 Vey.ter hahel aures, they say, 
 The praise of good eating to liear, 
 
 You'll never he out of the way ; 
 But witii knives sharp as razors, and stomachs as keen, 
 
 Stand ready to cut through the fat and the lean — 
 Tiirough the fat ami tiie lean — 
 Sit ready to cut through the fat and the lean. 
 
 2. 
 
 The science of eating is old, 
 
 Its antiquity no man can doubt: 
 Tliough Adam was scjueamish, we're told, 
 
 Eve soon found a dainty bit out; 
 Then with knives sharp as razors and stomachs as keen, 
 Our passage let's cut through the fat and the lean — 
 
 <tc. <tc.
 
 
 m 
 
 TlIE PUKEKOLOGISTS. r>rjr 
 
 3. 
 
 Through the world from tho West to tlie East, 
 
 WJielher City, or Country, or Clourt, 
 There's no honest man, Laic or Tricst, 
 
 But with pleasure partakes in the sport. 
 And with knife sharp as razor, and sloniai'h as keen 
 His iiassage doth cut through the fat and the lean—' 
 
 ttc. die. 
 
 They may talk of their roast and their l.oiled, 
 They may talk of their stew and their fry, ' 
 
 I am gentle simplicity's child. 
 
 And I dote on a West Riding pie. 
 
 While with knife sharp as razor and stomaeh ns keen, 
 
 I splash through the crust to the fat and th.- Iran ' 
 
 To the fat and the lean. 
 
 Let the Whigs have sour bannocks to chew, 
 
 And their dishwater namesake to swill ; 
 But, dear boys, let the wet ruby flow 
 
 For the comfort of Torydom still. 
 Be our dishes like mountains, our bumpers like seas. 
 Be the fatness with us, and the leanness with these — 
 
 &c. &c. 
 
 North. I like to hear you talk of leanness ! — Well, well, after all, 
 what an infernal bump of gluttony you must sport, Timotheus ! — and 
 you too, Odoherty. You are not aware, that the infernal idiots have 
 got you into their hands. 
 
 Odoherty. The infernal idiots — who are they ? — Oh, tlie Phrenolo- 
 gists ! How have the asses got me ? 
 
 North. It appears that you were lying on your old bench in 
 the watch-house, after an evening's carouse here, when a partv of 
 Craniologists were committed for exercising the Oigan of l)estruc- 
 tiveness on the windows of somebody, whom they wanted to convince 
 of the truth of the theory — and one of them took a cast of your 
 head. 
 
 Odoherty. The devil he did ! — Wliat did he find there ? 
 
 North. Imprimis, one huge bump on the top of the forehead, de- 
 noting extraordinary piety. 
 
 -- Odoherty. What, this bump here ? — Piety with a vengeance I — To 
 be sure I went on my knees immediately after getting it — for it is the 
 mark of a rap of a shillela which I got in the days of my youth from 
 Cornelius O'Callaghan, in a row at Ballyhooly. What else am I, 
 besides being pious ?
 
 308 NOCTES AMIiKOSIAN-E. 
 
 Xorth. Oh, I forgot tlie entire — but it is to appear in the next vol- 
 ume of their transactions. 
 
 Tickler. They found the organ of punch-drinking very hirge, which 
 tends, more than any other fact I have heard, to prove the truth of 
 their wise science. 
 
 Odohertij. AN'here did they find it, pray ? 
 
 Tickler. Somewhere above your eyebrow. 
 
 Oduhertij. Oh ! the asses — if they found it somewhere under my 
 gullet, thoy would be nearer the mark. But come, here they go! — 
 {^Sinr/s.) 
 
 1. 
 
 Of all the asses in the town 
 
 None's like the Phi-eiio-logei's, — 
 They sport a braver length of ears 
 
 Tliau all the other codgers. 
 There's not a jackass in the land 
 
 Can bray so true and sweetly, 
 Nor prove a turnip is a head 
 
 As wise as theirs coiupletely. 
 
 'Tis they who write in learned words, 
 
 By no means long or braggart ; 
 Tis they who proved no saint e'er lived 
 
 If none was Davie Haggart. 
 For Davie is a favorite name 
 
 Among our northern witches; — 
 'Twas David Welsh who made the club, 
 
 Along with David Breeches. 
 
 I meant to say Bridges, but I could not think of a rhyme 
 Davie,* who is an excellent fellow in all other respects, is turned 
 phrenologer, and has an interesting paper on a young thief of his 
 acquaintance, in the Idiot Transactions, which is quite edifying to 
 read. 
 
 They prove that Chalmers' pate acrossf 
 
 Is half a foot and over; 
 "Whereas in Jose])h Hume, M. P., 
 
 An inch less they discover ; 
 And therefore they declare the one 
 
 A most poetic prancer, 
 While Joseph they pronounced to be ♦ 
 
 Tso mighty necromancer. 
 
 * David Bridges of Edinburgh, clothier, had a fine collection of paintings and sketches, and 
 was Secretary lo the Dilettanti Society. — M. 
 t See Combe's Letter to Dr. Barclay —C. N.
 
 tickler's song. 399 
 
 But Hume, you needna fash your thumb, 
 
 Nor stint your* smugi^led buttle; — 
 Still prove in style that three and three 
 
 Make up fifteen in tot.tle. 
 For ev'n if what these wooden pates 
 
 Have tried to prove were swallow'd, 
 Yet if it be a narrow skull. 
 
 Your head's a perfect solid. 
 
 5. 
 
 They proved from "Whig Jack Thurtell's heaa, 
 
 That he was kind and gentle ; 
 And though too fond of cutting throats, 
 
 Yet still he never meant ill. 
 And now the seven-aud-eighty wit's,f 
 
 To all our satisfactions, 
 Have sliown it takes no brains to print 
 
 A volume of transactions. 
 
 Shall I go on ? 
 
 North. No — no — let the turnip-tops rot in quiet. [Sings.) 
 
 The Doncaster mayor, he sits in his chair — 
 
 His mills they merrily go — 
 His nose it does shine with Oporto wine, 
 
 And the gout is in his great toe. 
 
 And so it is in mine too. Oh ! oh! dear! what a ooiicfh I have ! 
 heigh, heigh, heigh ! C(^me now. Tickler, one stave liom your old 
 mouse-trap, to conclude the ante-coeual part of our symposium, for [ 
 Lear the dishes rattling bel-iw. 
 
 Tickler {sings a la Matthews). 
 
 Young Roger came tapping at Dolly's window — 
 
 Thumpaty, thumpaty, thump ; 
 He begg'd for admittance — she answered him no— 
 
 Glumpaty, glumpaty, glump. 
 No, no, Roger, no — as you came ye may go — 
 
 Stumpaty, stumpaty, stump. 
 O what is the reason, dear Dolly, he cried— 
 
 Humpaty, humpaty, hump — 
 That thus I'm cast off, and unkindly denied f - 
 
 Trumpaty, trumpaty, trump — 
 Some rival more dear, I guess, has been here — 
 
 Crumpaty, crumpaty, crump. 
 
 * Vide Hume's Speech of the 12th inct.— C. N. 
 
 t The number of prenologista in the club in EilinburgL. — O. N.
 
 4/)0 NOOTES AMBKOSIAK^. 
 
 Suppose there's been two, sir, pray what's that to you, sir ? — 
 
 NuTiipaty, numpaty, iniiup. 
 Wi' a disei>ii!ii>hite look, his sad farewell he took — 
 
 Fruinpaty, fruiii|>atv, frump — 
 And all in despair jump'd into a brook — 
 
 Jumi)aty, juinpaty, jump ; 
 His couratre did cool in a tiltliy green pool — 
 
 Slumpaty, slumpaty, slump — 
 So he swam to the shore, but saw Dolly no more — 
 
 Dumpaty, diiinpaty, dumji — 
 He did sju'eiiilv tind one more fal and more kind — 
 
 I'linn'paty, plumpaty, plump — 
 But poor Dollv'e afraid she must die an old maid — 
 
 Mumpaty, mumpaty, mump. 
 
 £nter Ambrose with his tail on. (Left jating.)
 
 No. XIV.— APRIL, 1824. 
 
 SCENE l.—Shj-Blue Parlor. 
 Mr. North, the Ettrick Shepherd, and Mr. Amdrose. 
 
 North. Just so— just so, Mr. Ambrose. No man sets a cusliion 
 with more gentle dexterity. As. my lieel sinks into the velvet, my toe 
 forgets to twinge. Now, my dear St. Ambrosio, for Veaii medicinal ! 
 {Mr. Ambrose communicates a nutshell of Glenlivet^ and exit.) Now, 
 my dear Shepherd, let us have a "twa-handed crack." 
 
 The Shepherd. What's the gout like,* Mr. North, sir? Is't like 
 the stang o' a skep-bee ? or a toothacky stoun ? or a gumboil, when 
 you touch't wi' het parritch ? or a whitlow on ane's nose, thrab tlirab- 
 bing a' the night through ? or is't liker, in its ain way, till what ane 
 drees after thretty miles o' a hard-trotting, barebacked beast, wi' thin 
 breeks on ane's hurdies ? 
 
 North. Gentle Shepherd, " Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to 
 be wise." 
 
 T'he Shcjiherd. I'se warrant now, sir, that your big tae's as red as 
 a rose in June. 
 
 North. There spoke the poet — the author of the Queen's Wake. 
 Mr. Ilogg, I am happy to know that you are about to give us a new 
 poem. Queen Ilynde. Is it very fine ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Faith, I'm thinking it's no muckle amiss. I've had 
 great pleasure aye in the writing o't. The words came out, helter 
 skelter, ane after the other, head to doup, like bees frae a hive on the 
 first glimpse o' a sunny summer morn. 
 
 North. Again ! Why, that is poetry, Mr. Hogg. 
 
 The Shepherd. Fie shame ! That's just what Mr. Jaff"ray said to 
 Coleridge, wlien walking in the wud wi' him af Keswick. And yet 
 wliut does he do a towmont or twa after, but abuse him and his genius 
 baith, like ony tinkler, in the Embro' Review. I canna «;'y, Mi-. North, 
 that I hate flattery, but, oh man ! I fear't, and at the very time I swal- 
 low't, I keep an e'e on the tyke that administers the cordial. 
 
 * The Frenchman's idea of the difference betw?"!! gout and rheumatism would answer thii 
 query : — " You puts your fingeres in a vice and somebody does squtt-ze, squeeze, beyond what 
 man can bear, dat is ze rumateeae : you get doo or dree squeeze more, and uat is ze gout." — M, 
 
 Vol. I.— 28
 
 402 
 
 NOCTES AMUEOSLVN^. 
 
 N^orlk. Queen Ilyntle will do, James. Tales, tales, tales, etcrnil 
 prose tales — out with a poem, James. Your prose tales are but 
 
 Tlie Shepherd. What kintl o' a promiiieiatiuii is that, man? 
 
 jVorth. 1 seldom write versos myself, iiow-a-days, James, but a.s I 
 have not bothered you much lately by spouting MSS. as I used to do 
 long ago, pray, be so kind Jis to listen to me for a few stanzas. 
 
 1. 
 
 Hail, glorious rlnwnijig! hail. aiispi<'ioiii! morn 1 
 
 April THE first! craml festival, all liail! 
 My soaring ^Iiise on jioosequill [liiiion borne, 
 
 From that wide limbo, sung in Milton's tale, 
 Ilastins to pay thee love and reverence due, 
 
 For thou to nie a day most sacred art ; 
 And I sliall call around a jovial ci-ew, 
 
 Who love and worship thee with single heart. 
 Come, crown'd in foolscap, rolling forth this lay, 
 Hail, mighty mother, hail ! — hail, glorious All Fools' day! 
 
 2. 
 
 Which of you fii-st shall press to show your love — 
 
 To vail your bonnet to your patron saint? 
 I see you ha.sten from the earth above, 
 
 And sea below, to pay your service quaint ; 
 White, black and gray, in every livery decked. 
 
 The stay-laced dandy, and the Belchered blood, 
 The grave divine of man}' a jangling sect — 
 
 Lawyers and doctors, and the critic brood, 
 All singing out in eoncert, grave or gay. 
 Hail, mighty mother, hail ! — hail, glorious All Fools' day! 
 
 3. 
 
 March in tlie foremost rank — 'tis yours by right — 
 
 March, grenadiers of folly — march, my Whigs — 
 Hoist the old tattered standard to the light, 
 
 Grunting in chorus like Will Cobbett's jiigs. 
 George Tierny holds it with unsteady paw, 
 
 Looking right hungry on the golden hill 
 Of Place and Power, from which his ravening maw 
 
 Hopes vainly for vittal its eliinks to fiU. 
 Dupe to himself he growls, but loud must say, 
 Hail, mighty mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools' day! 
 
 4. 
 
 Brougham, in a hated gown of stuff,* attends, 
 His nose up-twitchiug like the devil's taiL 
 
 * Up to this time, although fully entitled to it by his standing at the bar, as well as high re- 
 pute and largf practice as a lawyer, the distinction of being made a King's Counsel (which 
 entitles the holder to peculiar precedence at the bar) had been withhelil from Brougham, by 
 Lord Chancellor Eldon, because of the truly courageous and independent manlier in which 
 Brougham had defended Queen Caroline, in 1S2(»-1. Ordinary (that is outer or utter) barris- 
 ters wear black stulT gowns, and sit of-Uidc the bar in English courts of law. Queen's Coun- 
 sel and persons holding patents of precedency sit within tlie bar and near silken gowns. — M.
 
 AJ,L fools' DAT. ^^o 
 
 There Aberdeen her learnit Ractor sends, 
 
 .loseph, at whom j^reat Cocker's selFtiirii.s pale; 
 There's Scarlett Redivivus, wliem the hand 
 
 Of hloody ijemrnen of the press liad shiiii, 
 And Wilson (once Sir ]lol)ert) hand in hand 
 
 With Nugent lading of the Falmouth Wain, 
 Joining riglit loudly in the grand huzza, 
 Uail, mighty mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools' day! 
 
 5. 
 
 Wise Hutchinson, and Wiser Peter Moore, 
 
 Great IIollan<l, redolent of female fist ; 
 Sir James, the faithful treasurer of the poor, 
 
 Mick Taylor, lord of cutlets and giu-twist ;• 
 Froth}^ Grey Bennet, patror. of the press, 
 
 Whose freedom is their toast in humpers full, 
 And which they show, by crowding to caress 
 
 Fudge Tommy Moore, and actioning John Bull. 
 Shout, my old Coke! — shout, Albemarle! — shout. Grey! 
 Hail, mighty mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools' day; 
 
 Apt are the emblems which the party shows — 
 
 Plere's " Great Napoleon, victor over Spain," 
 And " Wellington of war no science knows," 
 
 And " Angouleme has touched his hilt in vain," 
 And " We must perish if the gold's Avithdrawn," 
 
 A nd " We must perish if the gold is paid," 
 And " Chaste art thou, Queen ! as snow ere dawn," 
 
 And " Princess Olivef is an Injured maid ;" 
 But shining over all, in alt still say, 
 Hail, mighty mother, hail ! — hail, glorious All Fools' day 1 
 
 Close by their tails see Jeff's reviewers sneak 
 
 In butr and blue, an antiquated gang ; 
 Jeffrey himself with penny-trumpet squeak, 
 
 Chimes with Jaekpudding Sj'dnej''s jews-harp twang, 
 Hallam is there with blood of Pindar wet. 
 
 And there Macculloch bellows, gallant stot, 
 
 * MIcIiael Angelo Taylor was a member of Parliament, wealthy, and with his residence very 
 near the then St. Stephen's Chapel, in which the Commons used to sit. From 4 o'clock every 
 day, until 12 at night, Taylor kept open house for such members of tire Opposition as plc.i'^cd 
 to " eat, drink, and be merry." On one occasion, when Lord Durham (tlieii Mr. Larahlon) hnd 
 brought ill a bill — either for Catholic Emancipation or Parliamentary Ueform — most of the 
 Opposition had retired to take refreshments, at Taylor's, during Lambton's speech, and a 
 tough debate and strong struggle was expected, the Government declined making a speech in 
 reply, forcing on a division, before the other party could be collected from Taylor's "cutlets 
 and gin-twist," and negatived the question, for that session, by a sudden vote. This tricic 
 was much complained of, by the Liberals, for a long time. — .M. 
 
 t Mrs. Olive Serres claimed to be the legitimate daughter of Henry Frederick, Duke of Cum 
 berland, (brother to George III.,) by a marriage with Miss Wilmot She assumed the rank and 
 title of Princess Olive of Cumberland, and had her case brought before Parliament, where her 
 claims were not recognised. This was in 1S22, and most of ter remaining years were 8p«ut 
 within the rules of a prison, for debt. She died in 1834. — M.
 
 404 NOCTES AMUROSIAN.E. 
 
 And CIirisHan Leslie, to whom is set 
 
 A bust of stone in Stockbridge shady grot 
 In puppy olionis yelps the full array, 
 Hail, uiiglity mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools day I 
 
 8. 
 
 Still impudent their gestures — still their mieu 
 
 Swai^ireis beneath the load of self-conceit ; 
 Yet all in spite of vanity is seen 
 
 Graven on each brow disorder and defeat; 
 Still Bvkon's canister, too deftly tied, 
 
 Rings " klingding-ling," bedraggling at their tail I 
 Still North's stout cowhide, to each back applied, 
 
 Makes even the stoutest of the crew to quail; 
 Yet boldly still they cry with brave hurra — 
 Hail, mighty mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools' day! 
 
 9. 
 
 HVhom have we next ? — T note the gesture trim, 
 
 The throat unkerehiefed, and the jaunty air. 
 The yellow silk that wraps the nether limb, 
 
 And all the singing robes that poets wear — 
 Hail, Bohea-bibbiiig monarch of Cockaigne I 
 
 Who is more fit than tiiou to join the song 
 Of clory to Tom-foolery, the strain 
 
 Thou and thy subject tribes have trolled so long? 
 Shout o'er thy bumpered dish, hip ! hip! hurra ! 
 Ilail, mighty mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools' day I 
 
 10. 
 
 For the remainder of this rabble rout, 
 
 Their names I know not, nor desire to know. 
 For aught I care, each long-eared lubber lout 
 
 May march to Orcus on fantastic toe. 
 Save Barry Cornwall, milk-and-water bard. 
 
 Lord of the fiunky clad in livery green! 
 To send so sweet a poet 'twere too hard, 
 
 To the chaise-percde of old Pluto's queen. 
 No, here as Cockney -Laureate let him stay. 
 Singing, hail, mother, hail! — hail, glorious All Fools' day I 
 
 IL 
 
 Make way, make way, in plenitude of paunch, 
 
 See London's learned livery waddling on. 
 Lord Waithnian lu'a<ls the rum[)lfd avalanche,* 
 
 Tailed by Teautamen's hero — Wiiittington I 
 Oh, Huckaback the Great, alike sublime 
 
 In measuring speech or gingham by the ell, 
 
 • Alderman Waithman, who was a strong Liberal, carried on the business of a linen-draper 
 In the prrmises, corner of Fleet-street and Bridpe-street, Blackfriars, now pnrtly occupied by 
 the Suiidat/ Titin>« newspaper oflice. He filled the office of Lord Mayor, and was elected (our 
 times to rejiresent the city of London in Parliament. After his death, his friends erected an 
 obelisk, in his honor, opposite that raised in commemoration of John Wilkes, at the foot, of 
 Lud|(ate Hill, and within view of the place where he long had kept a shop. — M.
 
 TOWN AND COUNTRY. 405 
 
 Wortliy aliko of pool'A lofty rhyme, 
 
 Tlie stuff you utter, and" the stufl" you sell ! 
 Sing with that voice whicli can t-'.-ii kitii;s dismav. 
 Hail, tuiglity niollier, hail!— Iiail, April All I-Vm.ls' .lay I 
 
 The S/tepherd.ThaVll do — Ohe / jam .satis. 1 ken n.iotliin;,' about 
 tae half u' the cliiels, an 1 the little I do ken about the lave is na worth 
 kenning. IJiit the verses sound weel, aud seem fu' o' satire. TIr-v"!! 
 uo be j>02)ular, though, about Ettrick. 
 
 North. I must oecasionally consult the taste of the people in Lon- 
 don, and the neighboring villages. They are fond of tiieir little lu<-al 
 jeers, and attach mighty importance to men and things, that in the 
 Forest, James, are considered in the light of their own native insi.'nili- 
 cance. 
 
 The Shepherd. That's God's truth ! In London you'll liear a soun', 
 like laigh thunder, frae a million voices, growl-growling on ae subji-ct, 
 for aiblins a week thegither ; a' else is clean forgotten, and the fate o' 
 the world seems to hang on the matter in han' ; — but just wait you till 
 the tips o' the horns o' the new moon hae sprouted, and the puir silly 
 craturs recoUec' naething ava', either o' their ain fear, or their ain folly, 
 and are atf on auither scent, as idle and thochtless as before. In tlie 
 kintra, we are o' a wiser, and doucer, and dourer nature ; we tkstcm 
 our feelings rather on the durable hills, than on the tleetiusr cluds; to- 
 morrow kens something about yesterday, and the fifty-twa weeks in 
 the year dinna march by like isolated individuals ; but like a company 
 strongly mustered, and on an expedition orenterprise o'pith and moment. 
 
 North. So with books. In a city they are read — tlung aside — and 
 forgotten like the dead. 
 
 The Shejiherd. In the pui'e air o' the kintra, beuks hae an immortal 
 life. I hae nae great leebrary — feck o't consists o' twenty volumes o' 
 my ain writing; but, oh ! man, it is sweet to sit down, on a calm sim- 
 mer evening, on a bit knowe, by the lochside, and let ane's mi ml gang 
 daundering awa down the pages o' some volume o' genius, creating 
 thochts alang with the author, till, at last, you diima weel ken win Ik 
 o' you made the beuk. That's just tlie way I aften read your M.iga- 
 zine, till I could believe that I hae written every article — Noctes and a'. 
 
 North, llow did the Border games go oti" this Spring Meelir.g, 
 Sliepherd ? 
 
 The Shepherd. The loupin' was gude, and tlie rinnin' was better, 
 and the ba' was best. Oh, man ! that ye had but been there ! 
 
 North. What were the prizes ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Buunets. Blue bunnets— I hae ane o' them in my 
 pouch, that wasna gien awa'. There — try it on. 
 
 {The Shepherd jmts the blue bonnet on Mr. North's head.) 
 
 North. I have seen the day, James, wben I could have leaped any 
 man in Ettrick.
 
 406 NOCTES AilBROSIAN^. 
 
 Tlie Shepherd. A'- but ane. The Flying Tailor woukl liae been 
 your naatfli onv day. But there's no denying you used to take awfu' 
 sp;Migs. Glide safe us, on sjiringy meadow grun, rather on the decline, 
 you were a veri-a grasshopper. But, wae's me — the crutches ? £heu ! 
 fu'iaces, Posthitme, Fosthiane, labuntur anni ! 
 
 Xorth. Why, even yet, James, if it were not for this infernal gout 
 here, I could le;;p any man living, at hop, step, and jump • 
 
 The Shepherd. Ilech, sii-s ! — hech, sirs ! but the human miud's a 
 strange thing, after a' ! Here's you, Mr. North, the cleverest man, I'll 
 say'tto your face, noo extant, a scholar and a feelosopher, vaunlin' o' 
 your lon'pin' ! That's a great weakness. You should be thinkiu' o' 
 ither things, Mr. Noith. But a' you grit men are perfet fules either 
 iu ae thing or anither. 
 
 North. Come, James, my dear Hogg, draw your chair a little closer. 
 We are a set of strange devils, I acknowledge, we human beings. 
 
 The Shepherd. Only luk at the maist celebrated o' us. There's 
 Byron, braggin' o' his'soomiu', just like yourself o' your loupiii'. He 
 informs us that he sworn through the streets of Venice, that are a' 
 canals, you ken — nae veiT decent proceeding — and keepit ploutering 
 on the druudy waves for four hours and a half, like a wild guse, diving, 
 too, I'se warrant, wi' his tail, and treading water, and lying on the back 
 o' him — wha' the deevil cares ? 
 
 North. His lordship was, after all, but a sorry Leander ? 
 
 The Shepherd. You may say that. To have been like Lander, he 
 should hae swom the Strechts in a storm, and in black midnight, 
 and a' by himself, without boats and gondolas to pick him up gin he 
 tuk the cramp, and had a bounie lass to dicht him dry, — and been 
 drown'd at last — but that he'll never be. 
 
 North. You are too satirical, Hogg. 
 
 The S/ie])herd And there's Tannnas Mure braggin' after anither 
 fashion o' his exploits amang the lasses. O man, dinna you think it 
 rather contemptible, to sit in a cotch wi' a bonnie thochtless lassie, 
 for twa three lang stages, and then publish a sang about it?* I ance 
 heard a gran' leddie frae London lauching till I thocht she would hae 
 split her sides, at Thomas Little, as she ca'd him. I could scarcely 
 fjulom her — tut ye ken't by her face what she was thinking, — and it 
 was a' quite riglit — a seveie reproof. 
 
 No) th. Mr. "Coleridge ? Is he in the habit, Hogg, of making the 
 Public the confidants of his personal accomplishments? 
 
 The Shepherd. I canna weel tell, for deevil the like o' sic books 
 
 • The Shepherd must here allude to one of Moore's songs, (not included in the collective 
 tditioQ of Uia poety,) wliich commences thus : — 
 
 " Sweet Fanny of Tiramol ! when first I came in 
 
 To the dear little carriage in which you were hurled, 
 I thought to myself, if it were not a sin, 
 I could teach you the prettiest tilings in the world."— M.
 
 COLERIDGK. 4()7 
 
 as his (lid I ever see wi' my een beneath the hlessoil liolit. T'ln no 
 ppeakin' o' his Poems— I'll aye rooso tliein— but the Fro.-u* aii.l 
 the Lay Sermous are aueuch to drive aue to di.slraclioii. What'.s 
 loi^'ic ? 
 
 North. Upon my honor as a gentleman, I do not know; if I did, I 
 would tell you with the greatest pk-asure. 
 
 The Shepherd. Weel, weel, Coleridge is aye accusing folk o' liae- 
 ing nae logic. The want o' a' things is owing to the want o' logic, 
 it seems. Noo, Mr. North, gin logic be soun' reasoning, and I jaNnise 
 as much, he has less o't hiuaself than ony body I ken, for he never 
 sticks to the point twa pages ; and to tell you the truth, I aye feel as 
 I were fuddled after perusing Colei-idge. Then he's aye sj)eakiMg o' 
 himsel — but what he says I can never mak out. Let him stick t(> iiis 
 poetry, for, oh ! man, he's an unyerthly writer, and gies SujK-rstition 
 sae beautifu' a countenance, that she wiles folk on wi' her, like so many 
 ]>airus, into the flowery but fearfu' wildernesses, where sleeping and 
 waukiug seem a' ane thing, and the very soul within us wonders 
 what has become o' the every-day warld, and asks hersel what crea- 
 tion is this that wavers and glimmers, and keeps up a bonnie wild 
 musical sough, like that o' swarming bees, spring-startled birds, an'] 
 the voice of a hundred streams, some wimpling awa' ower the Elysian 
 meadows, and ithers i-oaring at a distance frae the clefts o' mount 
 Abora. But is't true that they hae made him the Bishop of Larba- 
 does? 
 
 North. No, he is only Dean of Highgate.f I long for his " AVan- 
 derings of Cain," about to be published by Taylor and Uessey.| That 
 liouse has given us some excellent things of late. They are spirited 
 publishers. But why did not Coleridge speak to Blackwood ? I sup- 
 pose he could not tell if he were questioned. 
 
 The Shepherd. In my opinion, sir, the bishops o' the Wiist Indies 
 should be blacks. 
 
 North. Prudence, James, prudence, — we are alone, to be sure, but 
 the artairs of the West Indies 
 
 The Shepherd. The bishops o' the Wast Indies should be blacks. 
 Naebody '11 ever mak me think itherwise. Mr. Wilbeiforce, and Mr. 
 Macaulay,§ and Mr. Brougham, and a' the ither saints, have tell't us 
 
 * " The Friend " was a weekly periodical, edited by Coleridjie, which lived throufjh six months 
 or po, mid died from the irregularity of its issue, and the very unhusiness-like i!i:iniier in 
 which it was carried on. This^was one of the many failures of S. T. C, (£, rt ni, he liked to 
 write it,) and, De Quincey informs us, was chiefly made so by Coleridge's use of opium. — M. 
 
 t It was one of Coleridge's nephews who was made Bishop of Itarbadoes, which he ceased to 
 be, by resignation, in \Si'l Coleridge resided at llighgate, near London. — M. 
 
 J" The Wanderings of Cain," a poem in prose, originally appeared in an Aunual, I believe, 
 an<l is now included in the Works of Coleridge. — M. 
 
 § William Wilberforce. long tlie leader of the Anti-Slavery party in the House of Common* 
 He died in 1833. His son. Dr. Samuel Wilberforce, is now Bishop of Oxford.— Zachary .Macaulay 
 was for forty years associated with Wilberforce in the BritisI Anti-Slavery uioveinoiit. lie 
 died in 1888, and was the father of Thomas Babingtou MacauUy, the poet, orator, crili<-, »Ld 
 historian. — M.
 
 408 N0CTE8 AMBROSIA^Ji. 
 
 tlmt blacks are equal to whites ; and giu that be true, make bishops 
 o' tlieni — what for no? 
 
 JVorlh. James, you are a consistent poet, philosopher, and philan- 
 thropist. Pray, how would you like to marry a black woman ? How 
 would Mr. AVilhcrfurce like it? 
 
 The Shepherd. 1 canna answer for Mr, Wilberforce ; but as for my- 
 self, I scunner at the bare idea. 
 
 North. Why, a black skin, thick lips, grizzly hair, long heels, and 
 convex shins — what can be more delightful I — But to be serious, 
 James, do you think there is no difference between black and white ? 
 
 The Shepherd. You're drawing me into an argument about the 
 "West Indies, and the neegars. I ken naething about it. I hate 
 slavery as an abstract idea — but it's a necessary evil, and I canna be- 
 lieve a' thae stories about cruelty. There's nae fun or amusement in 
 whipping women to death — and as for a skelp or twa, what's the 
 harm ? — Hand me ower the rum and the sugar, sir. 
 
 North. What would Buxton the Brewer say, if he heard such sen- 
 timents from the author of Kilmeny ? But what were we talking 
 about a little while aero? 
 
 'The Shepherd. Never ask me siccan a like question. Ye ken weel 
 aneuch that I never remember a single thing that passes in conversa- 
 tion. But may I ask gin you're comin' out to the lishing this season ? 
 
 jVorth. Aproi)OS. Look here, James. AVhat think you of these 
 flies ? Phin's, of course. Keep them a little farther off your nose, 
 James, for they are a dozen of devils, these black lieckles. You ob 
 serve, — dark yellow body — black half heckle, ;ind wings of the mal 
 lard, a beautiful brown — gut like gossamer, and the killing Kirby. 
 
 The Shepherd. I'll just put them into my pouch. L^ut, first, let 
 me see how they look soominn^. 
 
 {^Draws out a fly and trails it slowly along the punch in his 
 tumbler, which he holds up to the aryand lamp — a present 
 to Mr. Ambrose from Barry Cornioall.) 
 
 O man ! that's the naturallcst thing ever I saw in a' my born days. 
 I ken whare there's a muckle trout lying at this very moment, below 
 the root o' an auld birk, wi' his great snout up the stream, drawing in 
 slugs and ither animalculas, into his vortex, and no caring a whisk o' 
 his tail for tiees ; but you'se hae this in tlie tongue o' you, my braw 
 fellow, before May-day. He'll sook't in saftly, saftly, without showing 
 mair than the lip o' him, and then PU streck him, and down the pool 
 he'll gauug, snoring like a whale, as gin he were descending in a' his 
 power to the bottomless pit, and then up wi' a loup o" lightning to 
 the verra lift, and in again into the water wi' a squash and a plunge, 
 like a man gaun in to the douking, and then out ae pool into auither, 
 like a kelpie gaun a-coorting, through alang the furds and shallows, 
 and ettling wi' a' his might at the waterfa' opposite Fahope's house.
 
 HOOKING nOGO. 4il0 
 
 Luk nl liim ! luk at liim ! there lie orlides like a RunLonin strong and 
 steady, as I give him the butt, and tliirty yards o' th.- ],ir„_„,.,.-""!=fane 
 to stiiin!iK\ ;;ad nae tree to faiikle — boiitiie green hills shelving dowii 
 to iny ain Yarrow — the sun iukin' out upon'janies Ilog-', frae"hehint 
 a cloud, and a breeze frae St. Mary's Loch chanting ;i son" o' tri- 
 umph down the vale, just as I land him ou the gowany ed<r»1 of tliat 
 grassy-bedded bay, 
 
 Fair as a star, when only one 
 Is shining in the sky. 
 
 North. Shade of Isaac Walton ! 
 
 The Shepherd. I'm desperate thirsty — here's your health. T)],^ 
 Lo:d 1 AViiat's this ? what's this? I've swallowed the rti;e ! 
 
 North [siartinfj wp in consternation). C)h, Lord ! What's this ? 
 what's this ? I've trodden on a spike, and it has gone up to my 
 knee-pan ! — my toe ! my toe ! But, James — James — shut not youi 
 mouth — swallow not your swallow — or you are a dead n\an. Tiiere — 
 steady — steady — I have hold of the gut, and I devoutlv trust that the 
 hook is sticking in your tongue or palate. It cannot, must not be in 
 your stomach, James. Oh ! 
 
 The Sheplierd. Oh ! for Liston,* wi' his instruments! 
 
 North, llush — hush — I see the brown wings. 
 
 Enter Ambrose. 
 
 Amhrose. Here, here is a silver spoon — I am all in a fluster. O 
 dear, Mr. North, will this do to keep dear Mr. llogg's mouth open, 
 while you are 
 
 North. It is the soup-ladle, sir. But a sudden thought strikes me. 
 Here is my gold ring. I shall let it down the line, and it will disen- 
 tangle the hook. Don't swallow my crest, my dear Shepherd. There 
 — all's right — the black heckle is free, and my dear poet none the 
 worse. 
 
 The Shepherd {couffhing out Mr. North's gold rinr/). That verra 
 flee shall grip the muckle trout. Mr. Ambrose, quick, — countermand 
 Liston. (Mr. Ambrose vanishes.) I'm a' in a poor o' sweat. Do you 
 hear my heart beating ? 
 
 North. Mrs. Phin's tackle is so excellent that I felt confident in the 
 result. Bad gut, and you were a dead man. But let us resume the 
 thread of our discourse. 
 
 The Shepherd. I have a sore throat, and it will not be weel (ill we 
 soop. Tak my arm, and we'se gang into the bampK-ting-room. Hush 
 —there's a clamperiug in the trance= It's the rush o' critics frae tho 
 
 • Robert Liston, tlicn of Edinburgh, and the best operator there. Ue removed to Londjn, 
 where ho establislied the liigliest chaiacler as a surgeon, and died in 1S47.— II.
 
 410 NOCTES AMBUOSIAN^. 
 
 pit o' the tlio.itre. They're coming for porter — ami let's wait till 
 they're a' in tlie tap-room, or itiier holes. In tive minutes you'll Lear 
 uae itiier wcnJ than '* Vandenhutl," '* VaiKleulioll'."* 
 
 Xorl/i. The shower is over, let us go ; and never, James, would old 
 Chiistoplicr North desire to lean for support ou the arm of a better 
 man. 
 
 T/>e Shepherd. I believe you noo — for I ken when you're seiious 
 and \\ hen vou're jokin', and that's mair than every ane can say. 
 
 Xortk. Forgive, James, the testy humors of a gouty old man. I 
 am your friend. 
 
 The Shepherd. I ken that fu' brawly. Do you hear the sound o' 
 that ti/.ziiig in the pan ? Let's to our wark. But, North, say nothing 
 about the story of the flee in that wicked Magazine. 
 
 North. Mum's the word. Allans. 
 
 SCENE II. — The Bartquellnrf-Room. 
 
 Enter Mk. North, leaning on the ar^n of the Siiki'iiki;d, and Mr. 
 Amurose. Mr. Tickler in, the shade. 
 
 North. Bv the palate of Apicius ! AVliat a board of oysters ! — Ha, 
 Tickler ! Friend of my soul, this goblet sip, how art thou ? 
 
 Tickler. Stewed — foul from the theatre. Ah, ha ! Hogg — your 
 paw, James. 
 
 The Shepherd. How's a' wi' ye ? — how's a' wi' ye, Maister Tick- 
 ler? Oh, man, I wish I had been wi' you. I'm desperate fond o' the- 
 atricals, and Vandenhofi"'s a gran' chiel — a ca})ital actor. 
 
 2\cklcr. So I hear. ]iut the Vespers of Palermo won't do at all at 
 all ; so I shan't criticise any actor or actress that strutted and spouted 
 to-night. Mrs. Ilemans, I am told, is beautiful — and she has a fine 
 feeling about many things. I love Mrs. Hemans ; hut if Mrs. He- 
 mans loves me, she will wnte no more tragedies.f My dear Chris- 
 topher, fair play's a jewel — a few oysters, if you please. 
 
 North. These " whiskered Pandours," as Campbell calls them in 
 his Pleasures of Hope, are inimitable. 
 
 The Shepherd. God safe us a', I never saw a man afore noo put 
 
 * John Vandenhoff, the actor, was an especial favorite with Edinburgh play-goers. Tlic) 
 cherislieil a luiid recollection of John Kemblc, something of whose style of acting Vandenhot) 
 hail adopted. ^ — M. 
 
 t " Tlie Vespers of Palermo," beautiful as a dramatic poem, made slight impression on the 
 public mind either in London or Edinburgh. At the latter i)lace it was br.-ug-it out on the 
 e^'pecial solicitation of Sir Walter Scott, who was urged to Uike an in'.erest in it by Joanna 
 BaiUie. Uefore it.< production in Edinburgli, Scott wrote to say, " I trust the piece will suocecil ; 
 but there is no promising, for Saunders is meanly jealous of being thought less critical than 
 John Hull, and may, perliaps, despise to be pleased with what was less fortunate in London." 
 Ue subsequently sai<l, in allusion to this play, that, in Edinburgh, it was " situation, passioi., 
 and rapidity of action, which scum to be the principal requisites for securing the success cf a 
 Qioderu drama." — M.
 
 "the baillik's gusio." 411 
 
 fiug snx iiiucklo oysters in the inoiitl. ,.' l,i,n a' at aii.o.., l„it voui>ol 
 Mv. North. - » 
 
 Tirk-lcr. I'lay, Nortli, what wcaiisouu' ami iicrscveriti? i.ji.it k.-n 
 1111111. l)lii)g muiithly and crying quarterly al.uuL Mrs. liuuiaMs, iti li'ie 
 ' iJaillic's (Juse," for t'onr years on end ? 
 
 The Shepherd. The JJaillie's (jiuse !— wha's he that ? I>'t a ' 'l..i 
 
 periodicals you're misca'ing? 
 
 ?VfHtr. Ves— Waugh's Old New Ediiihuro-li ll.-view.* It was 
 called so, for the fust time, by the Shepherd liiinself— and most apt- 
 ly—as it waddled, flapped, and gabbled, out of the worthy Uaillio's 
 sho}>, tlu'ougli among the stand of coaches in Hunter S(iuart.'. 
 
 North. It was indeed a bright idea to tight a gander a'-ainst a 
 game-cock — Pool versus Jeffrey ! 
 
 The Shepherd. Weel, do you ken, I thought it a gay gude review 
 — but it was unco late in noticing walks. The contiiiuUnis, 1 jaloiise, 
 werena very original-minded lads, and lay back till they ln.-ard the 
 general sugh. But when they did pronounce, I thought them, for the 
 maist pai't, gude grammarians. 
 
 Tickler. The ninny I allude to, who must be a phrenologist, could 
 utter not a syllable but " Hemans, Ilemans, Uemans !" The lady nmst 
 have been disgusted. 
 
 Shepherd. No she, indeed. What leddy was ever disgusted even by 
 the tiattery o' a fule ? 
 
 Tickler. They were a base as well as a stupid pack. Low mean 
 animosities peeped out in every page, and with the exception of our 
 most excellent friend K., and two or three others, the contributois were 
 scarcely fit to compile au obituary. The editor himself is a weak well- 
 meaning creature, and when the Baillie's Guse breathed her last, he 
 uaturallv Ijccame Ta<>-o-ar to the I'hreuoloii'ical .luurnai. 
 
 Nortli. I should be extremely sorry to think that my friend "Waugh, 
 who is a well-informed gentlemanly man, has lost money in this ill- 
 judged business. The (luse, as you call it, occasionally (piackefl, as 
 if half afraid, half angr}^ at poor innocent Maga, but I never gave the 
 animal a single kick. Was its keep expensive to the Baillie ? 
 
 Tickler, too much so, I fear. These teuth-raters are greedy dogs. 
 Do you not remember Tims ? 
 
 North. Alas ! poor Tims ! I had forgot his importunities. But I 
 thought I saw his Silliness in Taylor and llessey, a month or two ago 
 — ''a pen-and-ink sketch of the late trial at Hertford." 
 
 Tickler. Yes — yes — yes — Tims on Thurtell ! ! By the way, \yliat a 
 most ludicrous thing it would have been had Thurtell assassinated 
 Tims ! Think of Tims's face when he found Jack was serious. What 
 small, mean, paltry, contemptible Cockney shrieks would he have 
 emitted! Ton my honor, had Jack bond,' fide Thuitellized Tims, it 
 
 * The ITew Edinburgh Remew was publislied by Wjugli & Inaes.— M.
 
 412 NOCTES A^rCUOSIAN^. 
 
 would have l>opn productive of Uie worst consequence to tlie human 
 race ; it would liave thrown such an air of absurdity over murder.* 
 
 S/icphcrd. Whal ! has tliat bit Cockney cretur Tims, that I fright- 
 ened sae in tlie Tent at Uraeniar, when he otfered to sing "Scots wha 
 hae wi' Walhice bled," been writing about ae man murdering anitlier? 
 He wasna blate. 
 
 Tickler. Yes, he has — an<l his account is a curiosity. Tims thinks, 
 that the most appalling circumstance attending the said murder was, 
 that eveiy tiling w:is '"in clusters." "It is strange," quoth he, "that, 
 siditarv as the place w;is, and ilesperate as was the mui'der" — the actors 
 — the witnesses — all but the poor helpless solitary thing that perished, 
 "were in clusters !" 
 
 Shepherd. Ilout, tout, Tims ! 
 
 Tickler. "The murderers were in clusters," he continues — "the 
 farmer that heard the pistol had his wife, and child, and nurse with 
 him ; there were two laborers at work in the lane, on the morning 
 after the butcher-work ; there was a merry party at the cottage oa 
 the very night, singing and supping, while Weare's mangled carcass 
 was Ivinir darkeninir in its gore in the neighboring field; there were 
 hosts of publicans and hostlers witnesses ot the gangs pi-ogress on their 
 blood-journey ; and the gigs, pistols, even the very knives ran in pairs." 
 Quod Tims, in Taylor and llessey,f for Feb. 1, 1824 — for heie is the 
 page, with which I now light my pipe. By all that is miraculous, 
 these candles are in clusters. 
 
 Shepherd. That's a<' way, indeed, o' makiu' murder ridicttlous. But 
 it's a lee. The gigs did not run in clusters. Only think o' ca'ing ae 
 gig passing anither on the road, a cluster o' gigs ! Neither did the 
 actors run in clusters, for Thurtell was by himself when he did the job. 
 And then the pistols! Did he never hear bi-fure o' a pair o' pistols J 
 Tims, if you were here, I wad thraw your nose for you, ye conceited 
 
 Tickler (reading). "It seems as though it were fated, that ^Mlliara 
 Weare should be the only solitary object on that desperate night, when 
 he clung to life in agony and biood, and was at last struck out of 
 existence as a thinff, single, valueless, and vile." He was, it seems, a 
 bachelor. 
 
 Shepherd. The only solitary object on that desperate night. Was 
 nae shepherd walking by himsel' on the mountains ? But what kind 
 o' a Magazine can that o' Taylor and Hessey be, to take sic wjiters aj 
 Tims ? I hope they don't run in clusters. 
 
 North. Give me a bit of the sheet — for my cigar (Ileaven defend 
 
 • The murder of William Weare, a London gambler, by Thurtell, Pnbert, and Ilunt : — thia 
 !r>st was brother of the late Henry Ilijnt, a dramatic vocalist in New-York, and fathci of 
 Mrs. or Madame Thillon, the operatic singer. — 51. 
 
 t The Ujndon Jfdgitzine. — M.
 
 THURTELLS DEFKhX'K. ^l 1 M 
 
 me, the dinars run in dusters) is extinct. Let mo see. Hoar Tinij 
 on Tliurtell's speedi. 
 
 "The solid, slow, and appalliiiiv tone in whi.di lie rang out tliose la<it 
 \vords, can never ho imagined by those who were nol°uuditors of'iu 
 He liad worked himself up into a great actor— and liis eye, f,.r tlio 
 first time duiing the trial, became alive an<l elotjuent; his attitu<lo w.-w 
 expressive in the extreme. Ue dung to every sei)arate word with an 
 earnestness which we cannot describe, as though every svllabhj had 
 the power to buoy up his sinking lil'e— and that these" were the hU 
 sounds that were ever to be sent unto tlie ear of those who were to 
 decree his doom ! 
 
 "The final word, God ! was thrown up with an almost gigantic 
 energy — and he stood, after its utterance,* with his arm extond.^1, his 
 face protruded, and his chest dilated, as if the spell of the souikJ were 
 yet upon liim, and as though he dared not move, lest he should dis- 
 turb the still-echoing appeal ! lie then drew his hands slowly baek — 
 pressed them firmly to his breast, and sat down, half exhausted, in ti.e 
 dock." 
 
 Oimies. Ila! ha! lia ! ha! ha! ha! lia ! ha! lia ! ha! ha! ha! 
 
 JVorth [gravely). " When he first commenced his defence, he spoko 
 in a steady, artificial manner, after tlie style of Forum oratoi-s — but as 
 he warmed in the sul)ject, and felt his ground with the jury, he became 
 more unaffectedly earnest, and naturally solemn — and his' mention of 
 his mother's love, and his father's piety, drew the tear up to his eye 
 almost to falling. lie paused — and, though pressed by the judge to 
 rest, to sit down, to desist, he stood up, resolute against his feelings, 
 and finally, with one fast gulp, swallowed down his teais ! He wrestled 
 with griefs and thrciv it! When speaking of Barber Beaumont, the 
 tiger indeed came over him, and Jiis veiy voice seemed to escape out 
 of his keeping. There was such a savage vehemence in his whole 
 look and manner, as quite to awe his hearers. With an untortunate 
 quotation from a play, in which he long had acted too bitterly, — The 
 Kevenge ! — lie soothed his maddened heart to quietness, and again 
 resumed his defence, and for a i^vf minutes in a doubly artificial seivn- 
 ity. The tone in which he wished that he had died in battle niniinled 
 me of Keati^ s farewell to the pomp of war in Othello — and the fnjhtw- 
 ing consequence of such a death was as grandly delivered by Thuilell 
 as it was possible to be: 'Then my father and my family, tlu)Ugli 
 they would have mourned my loss, wouhi have blessed my name ; and 
 shame would not have rolled its burning fires over my memory !' "| 
 
 • To strengthen liig protestatioa of innocence, Thurtell closed with the common adjuration. 
 " 80 help uie God."— M. _ 
 
 + In 1S24, when Thurtell was tried for the murder of >Ve:ire, the law expressly forbade thiit 
 •persons accused of such a crime should be allowed the privilege, extended to prisoners In all 
 other cases, (except in courts-martial,) of being heard by counsel. The law has nincc been 
 altered. It was stated and believed that Thurtell's defence, which he read rciuarkably wpU,
 
 414 NOCTES A^fBROSIAX.^. 
 
 OmncK. Jl-.i 1 h.-i ! lia I lia ! lia ! lia ! lia ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 Shepherd. Weel, I diiina ken the tiiiif I hae laiicht so iiiucklc. I'm 
 5;iir t.'\haii^l<>.!. (Jic's a ilriiik. Tin' I'^iiglish folk y'ac'l clfaii mail 
 /llK'gi tiler aU>iu ilial fallow. I never could see oiiy thing very 
 remarkalile ahout liis ciittinL;; Weare's ciaig. It was a puir murder 
 y.in. There \v:us that deevil-iiicarnate (lordon, that murdered the bit 
 ^illv callant o' a pedlar on Eskdale muir, the ither year, and nae sic 
 sUi^h about it in a' the papere. 
 
 lankier. I forget it. The particulars ? 
 
 :</(ephcrd. Oh! man, it was a cruel deed. Ue foregathered wi' the 
 laddie and his bit pack, trudging by liimsor among the hills, frae 
 liiiusie to housie ; and he keepit company wi' him for twa hail davs, 
 ano o' them the Sabbatli. Nae doubt he talked, and lauched, and 
 joked wi' the puir creature, wha was a bounie boy they say, but little 
 belter in his intellects than an innocent, only halUins wise; and when 
 the ane stapjwd, the ither stapped, and they eat bread thegither by 
 dili'erent ingles, and sleepit twa niehts in ae bed. In a Lanesome place 
 he tuk the callant and murdered him ^vi' the iron-heel o' ane of his 
 great wooden clogs. The savage-tramper smashed in the skull wi' its 
 yellow hair, didna wait to shut the bounie blue een, put the pack over 
 liis ain braid shouthers, and tlien, demented as he was, gaed into the 
 verra next town as a packman, and selt to the lassies the bits o' rib- 
 bons, and pencils, and thumbles, and sic like, o' the murdered laddie. 
 I saw him hanged. 1 gaed into Dumfries on purpose, I wanted them 
 no to put ony night-cap over the ugly face o' him, that we might a' 
 see his last girns, and am only sorry that I diilna see him dissecked. 
 
 Tickler. A set of amusing articles might, I think, be occasionally 
 comjiiled fioni the recorded trials of our best British murderers. We 
 are certainly a blood-thirsty peo[)le ; and the scatiold has been mounted, 
 m this country, by many first-rate criminals. 
 
 Xorlh. One meets with the most puzzling malefactors, who perpe- 
 trate atrocious deeds upon such recondite prin(;iples, that tliey elude 
 the scrutiny of the most perspicacious philosophers, liutlers, on good 
 wages and easy work, rise out of comfortable warni betls, and cut the 
 tluoats of their masters quite unaccountably ; well-educated gentlemen 
 of a thousand a-year, magistrates for the county, and pra'ses of public 
 meetings for the re<iress of grievances, throw their wives over biidiiVd 
 and into coal-pits; pretty blue-eyed young maidens poison whole 
 families with a mess of pottage ; matrons of threescore strano-je their 
 sleeping partners with a worsted garter; a decent well-dressed person 
 meets vou on your evenins: str<jll, and after knockino- out your brains 
 with a bludgeon, pursues Ids journey; if you are an old bachelor, or a 
 single lady advanced in years, you may depend upon being found 
 
 Was wrilton for him by Cliarles Phillips, Uie Irish Barrister. — The article iu the London Maga- 
 tine v.as attribul-U to Uuzlitt. — M.
 
 MURDER-DEEAM8. 41 S 
 
 o 
 
 some rnoi.iinn^ stretdiod :\]nu>r your ]M>y wiili y,,ur oy«>s startiri-r r.ut 
 of their sockets, the blue marks of linircr-iiails ind't'iited into your \\\/,u, 
 catid your osfrontis driven in upon your l)rain, aj.]taivn!ly Uv tlf l.|..\\' 
 of a sledj^e-hammer. 
 
 Shepherd, llaud your tono'ius, liaud your tongues, y,; twa; v.)u"ro 
 making me a' grew. 
 
 Tickler. A beautiful variety of disposition and genius servos to 
 divest of sameness the simple act of slaughter; and the benevolent 
 reader never tires of details, in which knives, daggers, pi>|oi.s, rUibs, 
 mallets, hatchets, and apothecaries' phials, "dance through all the 
 mazes of rhetorical confusion." Nothing can be "more refieshing" 
 than a few hours' sleep after the perusal of a bloody nnirder. Vour 
 dreams are such as Coleridge might envy. Clubs' batter out your 
 brains ; — your throat is filled with mud, as three .strong In>hnien 
 (their accent betrays them) tread you down seven fatlioms into a 
 quagmire. "You had better lie quiet, sir," quoth Levi JIvams, a 
 Jew, while he applies a pig-butcher's knife to the jugular vein; you 
 start up like Priam at the dead of night, and an old liag of a liouse- 
 kee|)er chops your nose off with a cleaver. " Oh ! what a pain me- 
 thinks it is to die," as a jolly young waterman llings you out of his 
 wherry into the Thames, immediatelv below Wellington Uridine. 
 "Spare — spare my life, and take all I have I" lias no elltct u|>on two 
 men in crape, who bury you, half dead, in a ditch. " lie still breathes," 
 growls a square thickset ruffian in a fustian jacket, as he gives you the 
 coup-de-c/race with a hedge-stake. 
 
 Shepherd. Ilaud your tongues, I say. You'll turn my stomach at 
 this dish o' tripe. The moniplies and the lady's liood are jusi excel- 
 lent. Change the conversation. 
 
 Tickler. You are huddled out of a garret-window by a gang of 
 thieves, and feel yourself impaled on the area spikes ; or the scoun 
 drels have set the house on fire, that none may know they have mur- 
 dered you; you are gagged with a fioor-brush till your moulh yawns 
 bke a barn-door, yet told, if you open your lips, you are a dead man ; 
 outlandish devils put you into a hot oven ; you tiy to escape from the 
 mui'derer of the Marrs, and other households, through a common-sewer, 
 and all egress is denied by a catacomb of cats, and the otfal of twenty 
 
 dissecting-tables. "Hoize him into the boiler, and be d tl to hiin ;" 
 
 and no sooner said than done. "Leave off haggling at Ins windpipe, 
 Ja; k, and scoop out his bloody eyes." 
 
 I\^orth. IIow do you like to be buried in quickdime in your back- 
 court, heaving all the while like a mole-hill, above your g;.sl.. s, and 
 ] uddled with your slow-oozing heart-blood ? Is it a luxury t«. be 
 pressed down, neck and crop, scarified like bacon, into a barrel UIow 
 a water-spout, among dirty towels, sheets, and other na].ery, to be dis- 
 covered, six weeks hence, in a state of putrefaction I AVhat think you
 
 4 1 ^ NOCTES AMBR0S1AN.E, 
 
 of being fairly cut up like a swine, and pickled, salted, barrelled, and 
 sliipjied off at tuurponce a pound, for the use of a blockadinof s(juadron ? 
 Or woulfl vou rrttlier, in the sliape of hams, circ'iiiiinavi2'aie the irhjbe 
 •with Cook or Vancouver? Dreams — dreams — dreams. "1 wake in 
 horror, and dare sleep no more !" 
 
 Tickler. Could it liave been believed, tliat in a country where mur-' 
 der h;is thus been carried to so high a pitch of cultivation, its fourteen 
 million inhabitants would have been set agape and aghast by such a 
 pitiful kuave as JackThurtell killinsr and baijo-iuij one sinijle miserable 
 sharper ? Monstrous ! 
 
 Xorth. There was Sarah Malcolm, a sprightly young charwoman of 
 the Temple, that murdered, with her own hand, a whole household. 
 Few spinsters, we think, have been known to murder three of their own 
 sex; and Sarah Malcolm must ever stand in the first class of ass;issins. 
 She had no accomplice; her own hand held down the gray heads of 
 the poor old women, and strangled tlii_'i:i with untlinching fingers. As 
 fur the young girl of seventeen, she cut her throat fiom ear to ear, 
 while she was perhaps dreaming of her sweetheart. She silenced all 
 the breath in the house, and shut by the dead bodies; went about her 
 ordinaiy^ business, as sprightly as ever, and lighted a young Irish gen- 
 tleman's fire at the usual hour. 
 
 Tickler. What an admirable wife would Sarah have made for Wil- 
 liams, who, some dozen years ago, began w^ork as if he pui'posed to 
 murder the metropolis ! Sarah was sprightly and diligent, good-look- 
 ing, and fond of admiration. Williams w:us called " Gentleman Wil- 
 lianis," so genteel and amia!)le a creature did he seem to be ; so pleas- 
 ant with his chit-chat, and vein of trilling, peculiar to himself, and not 
 to be imitated. He w:is very fond of children, used to dandle them 
 with a truly parental air, and pat their curled heads, with the hand 
 that cut an infant's throat in the cradle. Williams w;is a sober man, 
 and no brawler; he preferred quiet conversation with the landlady 
 and her family within the bar, to the brutal mirth of the tavern-boxes; 
 and young and old were alike delighted with the suavity of his smile. 
 But in his white great-coat — with his maul — or his lijiping-chisei — 
 or his small ivory-handled penknife, at dead of night, stealing upon a 
 doomed family, with long silent strides, while, at the first glare of his 
 eyes, the victims shrieked aloud, " We are all murdered !" Williams 
 was theu a difterent being indeed, and in all his glory. His ripping- 
 chisel stiuck to the heart the person whose cheek he had patted two 
 hours before. Charles Martell himself, or the Pounder, smashed not a 
 skull like Williams, the Midnight Malletteer — and tidily and tenderly 
 did he cover up the baby with its cradle-clothes, when he knew that 
 he had pierced its gullet like a quill. He never allowed sucli trifles 
 long to ruffle his temper. In the evening, he was seen smiling as be- 
 fore ; even more gentle and insinuating tlum usual ; more tenderly did
 
 I 
 
 BURGEON CONoLLY. 417 
 
 he kiss little Tommy, as he prepared to toddle to hU riil,- ;md „« l,.j 
 touched the bosom of the h,ii--in;iid in ],\i-ns\u>j; vioU.n.v/l... tliu„.d.t 
 how at one blow tlie blood would spout tVoni licr lic;iit.* ' 
 
 J^orth. Sarah Malcolm was just the person to have "boon his brid- 
 What a honey-moon ! How sofV woidd have been th.-ir pillow, as (h.-v 
 recited a past, or planned a future nmnler ! How would ih'.-v liavi- 
 fallen asleep in each other's blood-stained arms! with tho lippiiiL'- 
 chisel below their pillow, and the maul upon the hearth ! 
 
 7'hc Shepherd. I wadna walk by myself throu<,di a dark wood ihi, 
 night, gin ony body were to gie me'a thousand ])ounds. I never heard 
 you in sic a key before. It's no right — it's no right! 
 
 Horth. What do the phreuologers say about fliurtell? I li.-ivc not 
 seen any of their Transactions lately. 
 
 Tickler. That he had the organ of Conscientiousness full, a large 
 Benevolence, and also a finely-developed organ of Veneration, just Tis 
 it might have been expected, they say, tVoni his chai-acter. For th« 
 phrenologer thinks that Jack would not have cheated an honest man, 
 that he was another Howard in benevolence, and had a deep sense of 
 rel.gion. 
 
 The Shepherd. I canna believe they would speak sic desperate hav- 
 ers as that. 
 
 Tickler (^ringing the bell, enters Ambrose). Ihiiig No. II. of the I'lire- 
 nological Journal, Mr. Ambrose. You know where to tind it. I'er- 
 haps the article I allude to may not yet be destroyed. 
 
 North. What can the Courier mean bv talkiii*'' su(di infernal ikjii- 
 sense. Tickler, about that murderous desperado, Sui'geon Conolly : 
 
 Tickler. A puzzle. The Cmirier is an excellent paper — and 1 never 
 before knew it, in a question of common sense and common morality, 
 obstinately, singularly, and idiotically in the wi'ong. 
 
 North. Why, the cruel villain would have shot others besides poor 
 Grainger — and after his blood was cooled, he exulted in the murder 
 of that unfortunate man. The gallows was cheated of Coiiolly, by a 
 quirk of the law. 
 
 Tickler. Judge Best saw the thing in its true light; and the conn- 
 tiy is indebted to him for his stubborn justice. Why, the ('miiicr 
 says, that not one man in a hundred, but would have done as Conolly 
 did.f — Oh monstrous ! -.s murder so very ordinary a transaction ? 
 
 North. No more, no more. But to be done with it, listen to this: 
 — "We are informed that this unfortunate gentlemiin has directed his 
 fiiends to supply him with a complete set of surgical inslrumenls, with 
 
 * There was no actual proof, but the strongest presumption, that Williams re illy wm « 
 wholesale murderer. He died before the time appointed for hi.-, l.i;il, and tlio London i>-pu- 
 lace, solemnly taking his corpse to the pi.ices where the murders had heen coiaiuilif(V 
 treated it there with unheard of ignominy, and then shot it into a hole diijr ui a UUoh, poor- 
 Ing over it as much quicklime as wouid liave built a moderate-sized house.— JI. 
 
 t I am ignorant of the circumstances here referred to.— M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 29
 
 41.8 NOCTE3 AMIiROSIANJ:, 
 
 r'iI tlin new iiivpntions, and a complete chamber medicine chest. There 
 is iKi doubt that he will be of the ereatest utilitv to the colonv, from 
 tiir gival \vant of medical men there ; but there is less doubt that he 
 wiii be one of the fust iu the country, as he is covered with niisfor- 
 tuiu'S, and unpolluted by crime" 
 
 Tivklir. That cannot be fiom the Courier. 
 
 K(ir(h. Alas! it is — although quoted from the Medical Adviser. 
 
 Tickler. I shall row Mudford for this, first time I dine with him in 
 town. Uere is another folly, although of a different character, from 
 the same excellent paper of our excellent friend,* an account of the 
 Slot's Introductory Lecture on what is called I'olitical Economy. The 
 Ki(tardo Lecture ! ! " Mr. M'Culloch began his lecture by pointijig out 
 tlie importance of the study of Political Economy, and observed, that 
 the accuumlatiou of wealth could alone raise men from that miserable 
 state of society, in which all were occupied in providing for their im- 
 mediate physical wants, by atibrding them the means of subsistence 
 when erapl(jyed in the cultivation of mental powers, or in those pur- 
 suits which embellish life." 
 
 JVorth. Most statistical of Stots ! I had quite forgotten the stupid 
 savage — but, look here. Tickler — here is a flaming account of his sec- 
 ond display, in th(i Morning Chronicle. " lia showed that objects de 
 rive their value from labor alone, and that they are more or less valu- 
 able in proportion as labor is expended on them ; that the air, and the 
 rays of the sun, however necessary and useful, possess no value ; that 
 water, which at a river's side is of no value, ac(juires a value when re- 
 quired by persons who are at some distance, iu proportion to the labor 
 employed in its conveyance." 
 
 Shepherd. I aye thocht M'Culloch a dull dour fcllow,f but the like 
 o' that beats a'. It's an awfu' truism. The London folk 'ill never thole 
 sic havei-s frae sic a hallanshaker. 
 
 North. On Mr. Canning's appointment to the Secretaryship, the Cou- 
 rier honored us by gracing its chief column with a character of that 
 distinguished person from our pages, but without acknowledgment. 
 He never quotes us, therefore why did he steal ? 
 
 Ttckler. Poo ! poo ! be not so sensitive. Nothing uncommon in 
 that. It's the way of the world ; and I am sure if Odoherty wei'e here, 
 be Would laud MuiJfoid for knowing a good thing. Here's that gen- 
 tleman's health — I respect and esteem him highly. — James, you are a 
 most admiiable carver. That leg will do. 
 
 SM'jj/i''rd. Xo ofience, sir, but this leg's no for you, but for mysel. I 
 thought I wad never hae gotten't aft'. Naething better than the roasted 
 
 * William Mudford was Editor of the London Courier for many years, and author of a ro« 
 nuince callt.l " Kive Niplits of St. Albans." — M. 
 
 t J. R. M'Ciillocli had been appointed Professor of Political Economy in London Onirersity, 
 llicn juit founded. — M.
 
 CORNET BAITIER. 4J|, 
 
 loc: o' a hen. Safe us ! she's fu' o' ojrnrs. Wl.a* for (Yul thoy tliiaw 
 the neck o' aa eerock when lier kame was red, and h.-t just ;,Meii to'f»' 
 a-hiying- ? Jlowsoniever, then-'s no great hann done. ( Hi fm.in. tliis 
 is a grand sooping-house. Kax owei the porter. Herd's to v.iu/lad*, 
 baith o'you. AVhat's a' this hizziness that I lieard th.-ni 'siH-akiii"- 
 about in Selkirk as I came through, in regard lo the ti-uth cniuanv «T' 
 Hoozawrs ? 
 
 Tickler. Wliy, I cannot think Battier a well-used man. They »»-nt 
 him to Coventry.* 
 
 Shepherd. I would just as soon gang to Coventry as to Dublin .it v. 
 But what was the cause o' the rippet ? 
 
 North. Why, the Tenth is a crack regiment, and not thinkim,' Mr. 
 Battier any ornament to the corps, they rather forgot their good Hian- 
 ners a little or so, and made the mess mighty disagreeable to him ; 
 so, after several tiitliug occurrences too tedious to bore you with, IIoir,_r, 
 why, Mr. Battier made himself scarce, got himself rowetl a goixl deal 
 by the people at the Horse-guards, sold his horses, I presume, and now 
 sports half-pay in the pedestrian service. 
 
 The Shc2)herd. But what for was he nae ornament to tlie corpse ? 
 Wasna he a gentleman ? 
 
 North. Peifectly a gentleman ; but somehow or another not to iht 
 taste of the Tenth ; and then, such a rider ! 
 
 The Shepherd. What ! wasna he a gude rider upon horseback ? 
 
 North. The worst since John Gilpin. In a charge, he "grasped 
 fast the flowing mane," fjave tonirue, — and invohmtarilv deserted, .'vj 
 says his colonel ; and Mr. Battier, aithough he h;is published a denial 
 of being the son of a merchant, has not, so far as I have observed, 
 avowed himself a Castor. 
 
 Shepherd. Na, if that be the case, the ither lads had some excuse. 
 But what irarr'd Mr. Battier crane into the Hoozawrs, ijin he couldna 
 ride ? I hope, now that he has gaeii into the Foot, that he n:ay 1m3 
 able to walk. If not, he had better leave the service, and fin' out some 
 genteel sedentary trade. He wadna like to be a tailor \ 
 
 Tickler. Why, Battier, I am told, is a worthy fellow, and as I s-iid 
 before, he was ill used. But he ought not to have gone into the Tenth, 
 and he ought not to have made use of threatening inuendos after leav- 
 ing the regiment, and crossing the Channel. 
 
 North. Certainly not. No gentleman should challenge a whole regi- 
 ment, especially through the medium of the public press. 
 
 Shepherd. If Mr. Battier were to challenge me, if I were ane o' the 
 
 * Mr. Battier obtained a Cornetcy in the intli Hussars, a dandy reiftment. comtmnd.'.l by s 
 gallant soldier, the late Marquis of Londonaervy. T!ic oiS.L-rs, on find.nK Dial Mr. 1 itlier » 
 fat* ■.• had been in trade, a-jreed to aiU liiin. Of course, he did not tatixJy submit i>. iMih, but 
 his fiutplaints being useless, he left the ref,'iment, c-hallensin- Lord Lon.londery to il,.- .luello. 
 on e plea that he was to be held resi)ons!hle for, because he could and ""t-'l'' '" ''•"'"• <=''"<^*- 
 ed « ill conduct of the officers. Shots were exchanged, and this ended the aUiiir.— .M.
 
 420 NOCTES A^rBROSIAJJf-E. 
 
 oflishors o' the Tonth, I wad feoht liim on horseback — either wi' sword 
 or pistol, or baith ; and what wad my man do, tlien, wi' his arms around 
 the neck o' his horse, and me hewinsi; awa' at him, head and hindi<'s ? 
 
 Xurth. It w;us a silly business altogether, and is gone by — but, alas, 
 poor Collier ! That was a tragedy indeed. 
 
 Tickler. Confound that lubber, James. If he has feeling at all, he 
 must be miserable. 
 
 Xorlh. His account of the affair at fii*st was miserably ill-written — 
 indeed, incomprehensible — and grossly contradictory — extremely inso- 
 lent, and in many essential points false. All were to blame, it seems, 
 commodore, captains, crews, and Admiralty. A pretty presumptuous 
 prig ! 
 
 Shepherd, ruirdiiel I puir chiel I I saw't in a paper — and couldna 
 helj) greeting; a' riddled wi' wouus in the service o' his country, and 
 to come to that end at last ! lias that fallow .James bitterly lamented 
 the death o' the brave sea-captain,* and deplored having caused sic a 
 woful disaster \ 
 
 North. Not as he ought to have done. But the whole country must 
 henceforth despise him and his book. I could pardon his first oti'ence, 
 for no man could have foreseen what has hapjteneil ; but his subse- 
 quent conduct has been unpardonable, lie owed to the country the 
 expression of deep and bitter grief, for having been the unintentional, 
 but not altoirether the innocent cause of the death of one of her noblest 
 heroes. 
 
 Tickler. I see Phillimore has been bastinadoing James — impru- 
 dently, I opine. You have no right to walk info a man's house with 
 your hat on, like a Quaker, supported by a comrade, and then in the 
 most un-Friendlv manner, strike your host over the pate with a scion 
 from an oak-stump. 
 
 North. Certainly you liave not. I am sorry that my friend Philli- 
 more, as brave a fellow as ever walked a quarter-deck, did not consult 
 his brother the doctor. But I believe the captain had no intention of 
 assaulting the naval historian when he entered the prtmises; and that 
 some gross impertinence on the part of the scribe, brought the switch 
 into active .service. 
 
 Tickler. The public will pardon Phillimore.t A Naval History is 
 a very good thing, if written by a competent person, which James is 
 not, although the man has some merit as a chronicler. But the very 
 idea of criticising in detail every action, just as you would criticise a 
 volume of poems, is not a little absurd. Southey's Life of Nelson '\» 
 good. 
 
 • Mr. James noMhe novelist) had written a Naval Bioj»rap)iy in which he did less than 
 justice to a brave olHuer — Collier. Tliis led to the fearful catastrophe, which is alluded to here. 
 t JaTues frequently received utrikiiKj criticisms of tliis nature. Captain I'hillimore was 
 brother of Dr. I'hillimore, Government Advocate in the Admiralty Court, London, and Chan- 
 cellor of Worcester, U.xford, and Bristol. — M.
 
 TnUKTKI.i,. ^n| 
 
 JortL Excellent. Look at, James's IliMn.y au.r re.ulin.r Uml «.|.„i. 
 rable Manual, and you will fret sick. * 
 
 Shepherd, lie's just a wonJerfu' man, Soothey ; tlio l>est .»' n' »»,*. 
 
 Lakers. 
 
 r/f>l-^er. Bam the Lakere. Here's .some <.f tl,r best Il.,|lai,.l, il a 
 ever crossed the Zuyder Zee. Make a jujr, Jaiii.'s. 
 
 Shepherd. Only look, what has hecomiTof tli.- sii])|.,.r ? Mr Ti.-ki.T 
 you've a fearsome appetite. Hear— hear— there's ih.- alarm-lK.II -.„„i 
 the fire-drum ! Saw na ye that flash o' lieht? I hop., it ,„av t„ri. out 
 a g-ude confla-rration. Hear till the iniri,„.s. I'm ll>inkin-r the lir..'» 
 on the North Bridge. I hope it's no in niv fivm' Mr. J., hi, Arulersou'^ 
 shop. 
 
 JVorth. I hope not. Mr. Anderson is a prosperous l.ih|io|K)I«>, mid 
 these little cheap editions of the Scottish r<)ets, Kamsav, and Ihirii" 
 and Grahame, are admirable. The prefaces are ei.-^rant'ly and judi- 
 ciously wntten — the text correct — type beautiful, aud"'embe!lisliiiifiitji 
 apj)ropriate. 
 
 Tickler. The " Fire-Eater," lately published bv Mr. And.-rson, is n 
 most spirited and interesting tale— full of bustJe and romantic in.i- 
 dents. I intend to review it. 
 
 Shepherd. The "Fire-Eater" is a fearsome naine for ony Christian ; 
 but how can you twa sit ower your toddy in that gait, discussing the 
 merits o' beuks, when I tell you the whole range o' buildings youder'a 
 in a bleeze ? 
 
 Unter Mr. Ambrose toitk the Phrenological Journal. 
 
 Ambrose. Gentlemen, Old Levy the Jew's fur-shop is blazing awav 
 like a fuiy, and threatening to burn down the Ucrcules Insurance 
 Office. 
 
 Tickler. Out with the candles. I call this a verv passable fire. 
 Why, look here, the small type is quite distinct. I fear the block- 
 beads will be throwing water upon the fire, and destroying the elfcct, 
 Mr. Ambrose, step over the way and report progress. 
 
 Shepherd. Can ye see to read thae havers, by the fire-flaught«, >fr. 
 Tickler ? 
 
 Tickler. Wliat think ye, James, of the following touch ? " Yet the 
 organ of benevolence is very large; and this is no contradiction, but a 
 confirmation of j)hrenol&gy. Tliurtell, with all his violence and dis>;- 
 pation, was a kind-hearted man !" 
 
 Shepherd. You're making that. Nae man can be sic a fuh- a« 
 write that down, far less edit it. Do they give any proofs of hi" 
 benevolence ? 
 
 Tickler. Yes — yes. He once gave half-a-sovereign to an old bro- 
 ken black-leg, and "upon witnessing a quarrel which liad nc.irly 
 ended in a fight, between Harry Harmer ami Ned Fainter, :it the huUA*
 
 
 '.22 NOCTKS AMUKOSIAN.E. 
 
 0(* the foriiior jiuijilist — the riougli in Sniithfiolil — .-inc] whicli ori^in- 
 ak'd throuij^h Thurtell, he felt so inueh hurt, that he shed tears in 
 reconciling iheiu to oaeh other!" 
 
 Shcfj/icrJ. The bla«ki;uaid's been greet in' fu'. 
 
 Ticklvr {rcadiwi). " Jlis behaviour iu i)rison w:^ of so affecting and 
 endearing a nature, that the account of the parting scene between liim 
 and the jailer, and othei-s who \\vA been in the habit of great inter- 
 cour>e with him, during his coulinenient, i? allccting enough to draw 
 tears from every one wiiose lieart is not made of stone !" 
 
 Shcpltenl. Weel, then, mine is made o' stane. For it was to me 
 just perfectly disgustful and loathsome. Sir James Mackintosh 
 broached prcceesely my sentiments iu the House o' Commons. A man 
 may \veel greet, in a })arling sceue wi' a jailer, when he is gaun out 
 to llic open air t<.) be hangc<l, without onv great benevolence. 
 
 2'icklcr. "IJis uniform kindness to Hunt, atlcr I'robcrt had escaped 
 punishment as king's evideuce, up to the moment of liis execution, 
 w;ls of the wannest nature. Although Hunt was probably drawn into 
 a share of the bloody transaction by Thurtell, the affectionate conduct 
 of Thurtell towards him so completely overpowered him, that had 
 Tliurtell been the most virtuous person upon earthy and he and Hunt 
 OK oi'POSiTE SEXES, Thurtell could not have rendered himself moD 
 beloved than every action of Hunt proved he was." 
 
 Shepherd. A fool and a phrenoli^gist is a' ae thing, Mr. Tickler — I 
 admit that noo. Hunt did all lie could to hanjx Thurtell — Thurfell 
 abused Joe constantly in prison — and in his speech frightened him 
 out of his wits by his horrid faces, as Hunt tells in his confession to 
 Mr. Hanner, Ten minutes after Jack is hauired, Hunt declares that 
 he richly deserved it — his whole confession is full of hatred (real or 
 affected) towards ThiMtell. During his imprisonment in the liulks, 
 his whole behaviour is reckless, and destitute of all feeling for any hu- 
 jiian creatuie, and at last he sails olf with curses in his throat, and 
 sulky anger in his miserable heart. It's a shame for Dr. Pool to edit 
 sic vile nonsense, and I'll speak to hira about it mysel'. 
 
 Tickler. Hear the Doctor himself. "That Thuriell, with a large 
 benevolence, should commit such a deed, was reckoned by many 
 coiiipletely subversive of the science. Do such persons recollect the 
 character of one Oth'^Uo, drawn by William Shakspeare ? Is tlieie 
 no adhesiveness, no generosity, no benevolence in that mind so ]>or- 
 trayed by the poet ? and was a more cool and deliberate murder ever 
 committed ?" 
 
 Shepherd. That beats Tims. Othello compared to Thurtell ; and 
 what's waur, wee Weare in the sack likened, by implication, to Des- 
 demona ! That's Phrenology, is't ? I canna doubt noo the story o' 
 the Turnip. 
 
 2'icklcr. This Phrenologist admires Thurtell as one of the bravest
 
 of men. "No murdev," says ho, "was ever ronunitfe.l with nmm 
 daring." Do you think so, Janics? 
 
 Shepherd. Oli ! the wiftched cowanl 1 \Vh:,t bmvory w;m tlicro in 
 a l)i<i: slrong mmi invciglinsr a sliilly-shally f.-ckU-ss Hwiii.fliT ii.l., ,» .^^, 
 a' swoddled up in a lieavy great-eoat, and a' at aincc, unawmv*, in m 
 dark hjan, shooting him in tlie head wi' a pistol? And th<'ii.'whcn 
 the pair devil was IViglitcd, and stimned, and half d.-ad, outtiiig hit 
 tlii'oat wi' a penknife. Dastardly ruilian ! 
 
 2'ickler. "The last organ stated as very large w Cautiouotiiiw. 
 This part of his character was displ;iy<'<l in \\u\ pains he took to con- 
 ceal tlie murder, to hide the hody, i^-c." 
 
 Shej)herd. What the devil! wad ony man that had iimr.lm.d 
 anither no try either to conceal tlie liody, or to avoid su«*j>i<-ion f 
 Was it ony mark of caution to contide in twa such nproltates as Hunt 
 and Probert, both of wliom betrayed tlie inurden-r? Was it onv mark 
 o' caution to tcdl the Bow Street ofHcer, when he was n])]>rcl>i-iidc<|, 
 that he had thrown Weare's watch over a hedge? Was it onv mark 
 o' caution to lose his pistol and penknife in tlie dark ? Was it <.nv 
 mark o' caution to keep bluidy things on and about him, aftt-rwards 
 for days, in a public house ? Fule and phrenologist are a' aue, sir, 
 truly enough. 
 
 Tickler. "A martyr could not have perished more heroicallv." 
 
 Shejyherd. That's no to be endured. Thurtcll behaved wi' nae niair 
 firmness than ony ither strong-nerved rntlian on tlie scatfold. Was 
 his anxiety about the length o' rope like a martyr? Naebtxly Ikj- 
 baved sae weel at the last as the honest hangman. 
 
 Tickler. The ass thus concludes : "I will not detain the reader any 
 Ioniser ; but trust enough has been said to show, that if ever head 
 confirmed Phrenology, it is the head of Thurtell." 
 
 Shepherd. Fling that trash frae you, and let us out-by to flie fire. 
 The roof of the house must be falling in belyve. Save us, what a 
 hum o' voices, and trampling o' feet, and hissing o' inginos, and 
 growling o' the fire ! Let's out to the Brig, and see the rampaging 
 element. 
 
 Tickler. You remind me, Hogg, of Nero surveying Rome on fire, 
 and playing on the harp. 
 
 Shepherd. Do ye want a spring on the fiddle? See till him, 
 North's sleeping! Let's out amang the crowd for an hour. He'll 
 never miss us till we come back, and crutches are no for a crowd.
 
 424 NOCTES AMBKOSIANJK. 
 
 SCENE III. — The North Bridge. — Mr. Tickler and the SiiEruERD 
 
 incog, in the crowd. 
 
 Tlckhr. Two to one on the fire. 
 
 Shepherd. That's a powoifii' ingino. I wad back the water, but 
 there's ower Httle o't. [Addressing himself generallg to what Pierce 
 £gan calls the audience.) — " Lads, up wi' the causeway, and get to 
 the water-pipes." 
 
 [The hint is taken, and the engines distinguish themselves 
 greatly.) 
 
 Tickler. Hogg, you Brownie, I never tliought you were the man to 
 throw cold water on anv night's good amusement. 
 
 Shepherd. I'll back the water, noo, for a gallon o' whisky. 
 
 luckier. Young woman, it's no doubt a very pretty song of old 
 Ilector Macneil's, — 
 
 " Come under my plaidie, the niixlit's gaun to fa', 
 There's room iu't, dear lassie, believe me, for twa." 
 
 But still, if you please, you need not put your arm under mine, till I 
 whisper into j'^our private ear. 
 
 Shepherd. What's the limmer wanting ? 
 
 Female. What ! — Is that you, Mr. Hogg ? Ken ye ocht o' your 
 friend, Captain Odoherty ? 
 
 Shepherd. There — there's half-a-crown for you — gang about your 
 business, you slut — or I'll brain ye. I ken nae Captain Odoherties. 
 
 Tickler. I reiiiember, James, that a subscription-paper was carried 
 about a few years ago, to' raise money for pulling down this very 
 range of buildings, which had just been carried up at a considerable 
 expense. 
 
 Shepherd. And you subscribed ten pounds ? 
 
 7'ickler. I sliould as soon have thought of subscribing ten pounds 
 for Christianizing Tartary. 
 
 Shepherd. There's an awfu' wark in Embro' just now, about raising 
 monuments to every body, great and small. Did you hear, sir, o' ane 
 about to be raised to Dubisson the dentist \ 
 
 Tickler. I did. It is to be a double statue. Dubisson is to be re 
 presented in marble, with one hand grasping a refractory patient by 
 the jaw-bone, and with the other forcibly introducing his instrument 
 into the mouth. — I have seen a sketch of the design, and it is equal 
 to the Hercules and Antjeus. 
 
 Shepherd. Wliaur's it to be erected ? 
 
 Tickler. In the Pantheon, to be sure. 
 
 Shepherd. Houts — it maun be a joke. But Mr. Tickler, have you 
 Been a plan o' the monument built at Alloa to Robert Burns? 
 
 Tickler. Ay, James, there is some sense in that. My friend Thomas
 
 THE CONFLAGRATION. 4«\-, 
 
 IlaHiiltoii's design is most Ix-iuliful, simple, ninl iriii.ressivc. It mawU 
 where it ouglit to stand, and tlie gciitl.-iiicn of C<.il;i deserve every 
 praise. I have heard that a httle money may l.<' still nee<led in tluil 
 quarter— very little, if any at all. And I will myself suhs^-vibo five 
 pounds. 
 
 Shepherd. So -will I. But the Monument no heing in Eml.ro', voii 
 see, nor Mr, Tliomas Hamilton a man fond o' puttiiig liiinself forward, 
 aue hears naething about it. I only wish he woidcl design an,. |,;,lf ua 
 glide for mysel. 
 
 Tickler. Ah ! my beloved Sheplierd, not for these thirty years at 
 least. Your worthy father lived to ninety odil — why not his son? 
 Some half century hence, your efligy will be seen on some bonny 
 green knowe in the Forest, with its honest brazen face looking aen>ss 
 St. Mary's Locli, and up towards tlie Gray-mare's tail, while by moon- 
 light all your own fairies will weave a dance round its pedestal. 
 
 Shepherd (in amazement). My stars ! youder's Odoherty ! 
 
 Tickler. Who?— The Adjutaiit ? 
 
 Shepherd. Odoherty! — look at him — look at him — see how he in 
 handing out the furniture through the window, on the third llat of an 
 adjoining tenement. IIow the deevil got he there ! Weel, siccan a 
 deevil as that Odoherty ! — and him, a' the time, out o' End>r<>', jls I 
 hae't under his ain hand ! 
 
 Tickler. There is certainly something very exhilarating in a sceno 
 of this sort. I am a Guebir, or Fire-worship])er. Observe, the ciowd 
 are all in most prodigious spirits. Now, had it been a range of houses 
 tenanted by poor men, there would have been no merriment. Hut 
 Mr. Levy is a Jew — rich probably — and no doubt insured. Therefore, 
 all is mirth and jollity. 
 
 Shepherd. Insurance offices, too, are a' perfect banks, and aue canna 
 help enjoying a bit screed aff their profits. My gallon o' whisky's 
 gaue ; the fire has got it a' its ain way noo, — and as th*" best o' the 
 bleeze is ower, we may return to Ambrose's, 
 
 Tickler. Steady — there was a pretty tongue of fire flickering out of 
 the fourth story. The best is to come yet. What a contemptible af- 
 fair is an illumination ! 
 
 Shepherd. Ye may say that — wi' an auld hizzie at every window, 
 lefl at hame to watch the candle-doups. 
 
 Stranger [to the Shepherd). Sir, I beg your pardon, but you seem 
 to be an amateur ? 
 
 Shepherd. No, sir, I am a married man, with two children. 
 
 Stranger. 'Tis a very so-so fire. I regret having left bed for lU 
 
 Shejiherd. What ! were you siccan a fule as leave your warm l>cd 
 for a fire ? I'm thinking you'll be nae mair an amateur than mysti, 
 but a married man. 
 
 Stranger. I have seen, sir, some of the first fires in Europe. Drury-
 
 426 NOCTES AitBKOSIAN^. 
 
 Lane, and Covent-Garden Theatres, each burned down twice — Opera- 
 liDUse twice — property to the amount of a million at the West India 
 Docks — several successful cotton-mill incremations of merit at Man- 
 chester — two explosions (one with respectable loss of life) of powder- 
 mills — and a very fine conflagration of shipping at Bristol. 
 
 Shepherd. Mr. Tickler — heard ye ever the like ? 
 
 Tickler. Never, Hogg. 
 
 Shepherd. I'm the Ettrick Shepherd — and this is Mr. Tickler, sir. 
 
 Stranraer. What ! can I trust my ears — am I in presence of two of 
 the men who have set the whole world on fire ? 
 
 Shepherd. Yes — you are, sir, sure enough, and yonder's the Adju- 
 tant <.)doherty, wi' his face a' covered wi' coom, getting sport up yonder, 
 and doing far mair haiin than good, that's certain. But will you come 
 with us to Ambrose's ? Whare is he, Tickler ? — whare is he ? Whare's 
 the gentleman gone ? 
 
 Tickler. I don't know. Look at your watch, James. What is the 
 hour? 
 
 Shepherd [fumhUnrj about his fob). My watch is gone! my watch 
 is gone ! — he has picket my pocket o' her ! — Deevil burn him I — I 
 nilfered wi' Baldy Bracken, in the Grass-market, the day before yester- 
 day, and she didna lose a minute in the twenty-four. This is a bad 
 job — let us back to Ambi'ose's. I'll never see her face again. 
 
 SCENE IV.— The Banqueting-Room, 
 North {solus, and asleep). 
 Enter on tiptoe Mr. Ambrose. 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. This fire has made me anxious about my premises. 
 All right, lie is fast as a nail ; and snores (first time I ever heard 
 him) like the rest of his species. Bless my soul 1 — the wiudow is open 
 at his very ear. {Pulls down the sash.) 
 
 North {atvakenimj). Ambrose ! I have had a congelating dream. 
 Ice a foot thick in my wash-hand basin, and an icicle six inches long 
 at my nose ! 
 
 Ambrose. T am glad to have awakened you, sir. Shall I bring you 
 a little mulled port ? 
 
 North. No — no — Ambrose, Wlieel me towards the embers, I hear 
 it reported, Ambrose, that you are going to gut the tenement, — Is it 
 so? 
 
 Ambrose. It is an ancient building, Mr, North, and somewhat incom- 
 modious. During the summer months it will undergo a great change 
 and thorough repair.
 
 GrTTTNQ THE IIOUSL'. 4 'J 7 
 
 ^'orih. Well, wol , Ainbroso, I rcjoico to know tliat a clianc^ i« ,1.,. 
 maiulcd hy the itu-iease of resort; hut yet, iiictliinks, I kIk,I| rnii. 
 teinphite an/ alteration with a pensive an<l inelaiidiMlv spirit. TIuk 
 very room, Mr. Ambrose, witliin whuse four walls 1 liavJ heeii so ..fi,.|i 
 hitely, must ius dimensions he changed ? Will tliis carpet li.- lifi.-d ] 
 That chimney-piece be removed ? "l coiifes.s that tlic tliou^dit hiI.vLs 
 me, Mr. Ambrose. Forgive the pensive tear. 
 
 [Tal-es out his square of Itxlia, and blows his nose in a 
 hurried and ar/itaied )nanncr.) 
 
 Ambrose. Mr. North, I have frequently thought of all this, ami 
 rather than hurt your feelings, sir, I will lot the liouse remain as it i«. 
 I beseech you, sir, be composed. 
 
 North. No ! " Ambrose, thou reasonest well," it must be so. The 
 whole city undergoeth change deep and wide, and wherefore should 
 Gabriel's Road, and the Land of Ambrose, be alone imimitiible ? I >o\\ n 
 with the paititions ! The miud soon reconciles itself to the loss .if 
 what it most dearly loved. But the Chaldee Chamber, Anibrnse ! 
 the Chaldee Chamber, Ambrose! — must it go — must it go, inilenl, 
 and be swallowed up in some great big wide unmeaning rouni, di-sii- 
 tute alike of character and comfort, without oue high jussociation 
 hanging on its blue or yellow walls ? 
 
 Ambrose. No, Mr. North; rather than alter the Chaldee Chanil>er, 
 would I see the whole of Edinburgh involved in oue general conllagra- 
 tion. 
 
 North. Enough — enough — now my mind is at rest. With ham 
 mers, and with axes both, let the workmen forthwith fall to. You 
 must keep pace, Mr. Ambrose, with the progress, the advaucement of 
 the age. 
 
 Ambrose. Sir, I have been perfectly contented, hitherto, with the ac- 
 commodation this house atfords, and so, I humbly hope, have been my 
 fi-iends; but I owe it to those friends to do all I can to incre.xse their 
 comforts, and I have got a plan that I think will i)lease you, sir. 
 
 North. Better, Ambrose, than that of the British itself. F.ut no 
 more. Think you the lads will return ? If not, I must liobble home- 
 wards. 
 
 Ambrose. Hearken, sir — Mr. Tickler's tread in the tranco. 
 
 {^J^xil susurram.) 
 
 Enter Tickler and the Shepherd. 
 
 Tickler. Have you supped. North ? 
 
 North. Not I, indeed. Ambrose, bring supper. {Exit Awirn'^f.) 
 
 The Shepherd. I think I wuU rather take some breakfast. Mr. North, 
 I'm thinking you're sleepy; for you're lookin' unco ga^^h. Do you 
 want an account o' tlie fire ? 
 
 North. Certiiinly not. Mr. Ambrose and I were engaged in a very
 
 42S NOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 iiitf-restinix convcrsnfion when you entered. TVe were discussing the 
 merits of the Exhibition. 
 
 Tlte Shepherd. O' the pictures? I was there the day. Oh! man, 
 you thiny;s o' Wulkie's are chief endeavoors. Tliat ane iiae tlie Gentle 
 Shepherd is just nature hei-sel. I wush he would illustrate iu thai gait 
 Some o' the [)onuiest scenes in the Queen's Wake. 
 
 Tickler. Worth all the dull dirty daubs of all the Dutchmen thai 
 ever vomited into a canal. Nauseous ninnies! a coarse joke may pass 
 in idle talk — a word and away — but think, James, of a human being 
 painting tilth and folly, dirt and debaucheiy, vulgarity and vileness, 
 da}- after day, month after month, till he finally covered the canvas 
 \ith all the accumulated beastliness of his most drunken and sensual 
 • magi nation ! 
 
 jVorth. Stop, Tickler — remember Teniers, and 
 
 2'he She^)henl. lieiuember nae sic fallow, Mr. Tickler ; Wulkie's 
 wee tinger's worth the hail o' them. "Duncan Gray cam here to 
 woo," is sae gude, that it's maist unendurable. Yon's the bonnie.<it 
 lass ever I saw in a' my bora days. Wiiat a sonsy hawse ! But in- 
 deed, she's a' alike partite. 
 
 Tickler. Stop, Shepherd, remember. I saw a Cockney to-day look- 
 ing at that picture, and oh ! what a contrast between the strapping 
 figure of Duncan Gray, his truly pastoral physiognomy, well-filled top- 
 boots, (not unlike your own,) and sinewy hands that seem alike ready 
 for the tug of either love or war — and the tout-ensemble of that most 
 helpless of all possible creatures. 
 
 North. John Watson is great this year. Happy man, to whom that 
 beautiful creature (})icture of a Lady) may be indititig a soft epistle! 
 What innocence, simplicity, grace, and gaiete du cceur ! Why, if that 
 iweet damosel would think of an old man like the— 
 
 The Shepherd, llaud your tongue. Why should she think o' an 
 ^uld man ? '* Ye miijht be lier jjutcher, you're threescore and twa." 
 
 Tickler. Mr. Thomson of Duddingston is the best landscape-painter 
 Scotland ever j^roduced — belter than either Nasmyth, or Andrew Wil- 
 pon, or Greek Williams. 
 
 North. Not so fast, Tickler. Let us discuss the comparative 
 merits 
 
 Tlic Shephnd. Then I'm atf. For o' a' the talk in this world, that 
 about pictures is the warst. I wud say that to the face o' the Director- 
 General himsel. 
 
 North. A hint from my Theocntus is sufficient. What think you, 
 Bioo, of this parliamentary grant of £300,000 for repairing old Wind- 
 sor ? 
 
 The Shepherd. I never saw the Great Uouse o' Windsor I'alaoe, 
 but it has been for ages the liowf o' kings, and it maunna be allowed 
 to gang back. If £300,000 winna do, gie a million. Man, if I was
 
 THE NORTH I'OLK. 40 J) 
 
 but in Parliament, I would -ic the uig-a.U their fairin^^s. (;n,d.r« „ 
 king a palace ! "^ » * 
 
 North. What say you, my good Shephenl, t.. a half u.iliiu,, ,u..ro 
 tor churclies ? 
 
 Shepherd. Mr. North, you and Mr. 'Jukh-r is .-.il.lins lau-'hintr at 
 me, and speenn- .pi.^stions at me, that you may think ar., out o' nir 
 way to answer; but, fur a' that, I p.-rhaps k.-n ius w.-d^ ,.ith,.r „' yuj 
 whats due to the reli.i,nous establishments <,f a irrc-at and infrwt-sinj 
 kmtra, wi' a population o' twal millions, mair or les-s, in or owre. Im/i 
 it sae ? 
 
 North. Well said, James. This is nut the place, perhaps, to talk 
 much of these serious matters ; but no ministry will ever Mand th-j 
 lower in the estimation of their country, for haviiiir enabled H<.nic 
 hundred thousands more of the people to worship th.-ir Maker publicly 
 once a-week. 
 
 She2>hcrd. I'm thinking no. Nane o' the Opposition wad oppose a 
 grant o' half a million for bio-o-ing schools, the mair's their nierii ; an.l 
 if sae, what for no kirks? p:dication and religion should gang hand in 
 hand. That's aye been my thocht. {Biiter Ambroxe, with supjtcr.) 
 Howsomever, here's sooper;' and instead o' talking o' kirks, let us a' 
 gang oftener till them. Put down the sassages afore me, And)roM!. 
 Ye're lookeu unco weel the noo, man ; I hardly ever saw ye sue fat 
 How is the mistress and the bairns ? 
 
 Ambrose. All well, sir, I thank you, Mi-. Hogg, 
 
 The Shepherd. Od, man, I wush you would come out at the preach 
 ings, when the town's thin, and see us at Altrive. 
 
 Ambrose. I fear it is quite impossible for me to leave town, .Mr. 
 Hogg ; but I shall always be most happy to see von here, sir. 
 
 The Shepherd. I've been in your house a hunder and a InuKhr 
 times, and you ken I lodged ance in the Hat aboon ; and never did I 
 hear ony noise, or row, or rippet, below your rigging. I dinna repent 
 a single hour I ever sat here ; I never saw or heard naething Kiid or 
 done here that michtna been said or done in a minister's manse. iWil 
 it's waxing early, and I ken you dinna keep untimeous hours ; so let 
 us devoor su{>per, and be aff. That tire taigled us. 
 
 North. I had been asleep for an hour, before mine host awakcneil 
 me, and had a dream of the North Pole. 
 
 The Shepherd. North Pole I How often do you think Captain 
 Parry intends howking his way through these icebergs, wi' the snout 
 o' his discovery ships ? May he never be frozen up at last, he and a 
 his crew, in thae dismal regions ! 
 
 North. Have you read Franklin and Richardson ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Yes, I hae. Yon was teriible. Day aft.-r day nne- 
 thing to eat but tripe aff the rocks, dry banes, aidd shoon, and a gml-
 
 4?.0 
 
 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN-E. 
 
 soikI o' a pair of loathein breeches ! What would they no hae given 
 for sic a soo])er as this here ! 
 
 Tickler. Have you no intention, James, of going on the next hind- 
 cxpedition ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Na, na ; I canna do witliout vittiils. I was ance for 
 twenty hours without tasting a single thing but a bit cheese and half 
 a baiinork, and I w:is close upon the fainting. Yet I would like to 
 see the North Pole. 
 
 Tickler. Where's your chronometer, James ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Whisht, whisht ; I ken that lang-nebbit word. 
 Whisht, whisht. Safe us ! is that cauld lamb ? — We'll no hae lamb 
 iu Yarrow for a month yet. 
 
 Tickler. Come, North, bestir yourself, you're staring like an owl in 
 a consumption. Tip us A, my old boy. 
 
 The Shepherd. Mr. Tickler, Mr. Tickler, what langish is that to use 
 till Mr. North ? Think shame o' yoursel'. 
 
 North. No editor, James, is a hero to his contributors. 
 
 The Shepherd. Wed, weel, I for ane will never forget my respect 
 for Mr. Christopher North. lie has lang been the suppoi't o' the liter- 
 ature, the pheelosophy, the religion, and what's o' as great importance 
 as onv thing else, the gude manners o' the kintra. 
 
 Tickler. Forgive me, North, — forgive me, James. Come, I volun- 
 teer a song. 
 
 The Shepherd. A sang ! Oh man, you're a bitter bad singer — 
 timmer-tuned, though a decent ear. Let's hear the lilt. 
 
 J_ 
 
 JH-^ W ^— ^=^— ^— * 
 
 v=F? 
 
 >— V- 
 
 -0- 
 
 Come draw me six mag-nmns of cla - ret, Don't spare it, But 
 
 ^L 
 
 
 ^ 
 
 ;3H£ 
 
 z^rz:^ 
 
 ^^ — g--0 
 
 share it in bum-pers a - rouml ; And take care that in each shiu-ing 
 
 brirn - iner No glim-mer Of skiin-mcr-ing day - light be 
 
 found. 
 
 izziL 
 
 ^=^ 
 
 
 Fill a - way ! Fill a - way '. Fill a - way ! Fill bura-ptr:; to
 
 " DRINK AWAY." 
 
 4.11 
 
 m 
 
 =?- 
 
 rr;_KL_N __ ^ 
 
 ^^., '^ -^ I 
 
 those that you love, For we will be hap - py tn' - cluy ! As ttiu 
 
 fe=?^i^-=?s^^SE^^ 
 
 gods are when drinking a - bove. Drink a - way '. Drink o-ws" 
 
 2. 
 
 Give way to eaoh thought of your fancies, 
 
 That dances, 
 Or glances, or looks of the fair ; 
 And beware that from fears of to-morrow 
 
 You borrow 
 No sorrow, nor foretaste of care. 
 Drink away, drink away, <lriiik away! 
 
 For the honor of those yon adoroj 
 Come, charge! and drink fairly to-(lay, 
 
 Though you swear you will never drink mere 
 
 I last night, cut, and quite melancholy, 
 
 Cried folly ! 
 "What's Polly to reel for her fame! 
 Yet I'll banish such hint till the moi-ning 
 
 And scorning 
 Such warning to-night, do the same. 
 Drink away, drink away, drink awayl 
 
 'Twill banish blue devils and pain ; 
 And to-night for my joys if I pay. 
 
 Why, to-morrow I'll go it again. 
 
 Enter Mr. Ambrose, loith alarm. 
 
 Shall I ^;i\ 
 
 Mr. Ambrose. As I live, sir, here's Mr. Odoheity, 
 you are here, for he is in a wild humor ? 
 
 Enter Odohertt, singing. 
 
 I've kiss'd and I've prattled with fifty fair maids, 
 And changed them as oft, do ye see, <fec. 
 
 {North and Tickler rise to go.) 
 
 Odoherty. What, bolting ? 
 
 The Shepherd. Ay, ay, late houi^ d.sna agree wi' snawy pows. 
 
 But I'se sit an hour wi' you. — , , . v^,//. n,U 
 
 {The Adjutant and the i^hepherd embrace. North and 
 
 Tickler disap>pcar)
 
 No. XV.— JUXE, 1824. 
 
 Prescui— TiMOTnY Tickler, Esq., Ensign Odohertt, ihe En rice 
 Shepherd, and Mr. Jonathan Spikrs. 
 
 OJokerti/. Yes, Tickler, jou are, after all, quite in the riglit — I look 
 the other side mere'.y for the sake of conversation. 
 
 Tickler. Ay, and it my young friend here had liappened to be 
 called away half-an-hour ago — ay, or if I had hajipened not to be 
 in the exact humcr foi squabasliing, and particulaily for squabashing 
 you — what would have been the consequence, Mr. Morgan ? — what 
 Would have J-e«> the consequence, you care-me-devil ? 
 
 Odoherty. \\ by, 1 suppose, I should have helped to 
 
 "Give 1.0 the press one preux-chevalier more," 
 
 as the old zig-zag of Twickenham says, or ought to say. Pope was 
 decidedly the Z of Queen Anne's time* — his dunces were the pro- 
 genitors of the present Cockneys. 
 
 Hogg. Wheesht — wheesht — for heaven's sake dinna name tliae 
 creatures again — I'm sui'e they're doon enough at ony rate, l^iit 
 really, Mr. Tickler, are ye no ower hasty ? — Od, man, [whispering 
 Timothi/,) the lad might have tunied out a genius. 
 
 Tickler. No whispering at Ambrose's, Hogg. Here, Jonathan, boy 
 --here's the Great Boar of the Forest grunting in my ear, that we 
 iUay be spoiling a genius in your honorable person. What say ye 
 to this, my hearty ? — Do you really now — but sans 2)hrase now — do 
 you really take yourself to be a genius ? 
 
 Hogg (aside to Odoherty). lie takes his toddy brawlie, at ony 
 rate. 
 
 Odoherty. Hogg remarks that our youthful friend is a promising 
 punchifier. But this, even this, I fear, may still leave the matter a 
 little dubious — bihimus indocti doctique. 
 
 Hogg. Jeering at me, I daursay — but what signifies that ? Hero 
 Mr. Jonathan, you're a very fine douce lad — never ye heed what tli:!'? 
 proud-nosed chiels tell you — put out the poem or the uovell — wn.ik 
 of tliem said ye it was ? 
 
 Mr. Spiers. A romantic tale, sir, interspersed with verees. 
 
 • The articles in Blackwood against Hunt, Hazlitt, Ac, were signed " Z."— M.
 
 THK CnALDKK MB. joo 
 
 iro(iff. Ts thei'e a 2;ay feck o' verses ? 
 
 yj//-. ,S>wy*-. A considerable miiul.er, sir. S.-v.m;iI of tl.fe cl.Hrao- 
 teis, su', give vent to tlieir feeliii|i>-s in a puelictl form, sir. 
 
 Ilor/fJ- Ay, that's a giule auld fashion. A r.-al iiu'vell vouii-r lo.|.lv 
 has aye iier keehivine in lier pouch, and sonic hit bark of a Ii^iut, ..'r 
 auld niantuaniaker's count, or soinelhing or other, to put down iu-r 
 bit sonnet on, just after she's been stoh-n, or n.bhi'd, (.r, whaiV waiir 
 maybe 
 
 Tickler. Hold your tongue, Hogg. Jonathan Spiers' bo,,ic is a v.iv 
 pretiy book, I assure you — and his verses ar»! vury well iutrudii.f.l - 
 very well indeed. 
 
 Odoherty. Wiiy, Hogg himself, in one of his nicent masterpi.'.'.-H, 
 has given tlie finest example of the easy and unaHectcd introduction 
 of the ornament of occasional verse, in a prose romance. 
 
 Tickler (aside to Odoherty). I forget what you are allu<ling to. 
 Is ihis in the "Confessions of the Justified JSiuner," which I see ad- 
 vertised ? 
 
 Odoherty. No, 'tis in the "Three Perils of Man." One of the rlii.-f 
 chni'acters of that work is a bona fide poet, and this personage- ik-vit 
 opcMs his mouth, but out comes a bona Jide ivgnlar j>salm mc-tsuic 
 stanza of four Hues. In the Pirate, to be sure, old Noma spouts most 
 unconscionably; but even she must knock under to the poet of n<"_"4. 
 
 Tickler (rings — enter Ambrose). Mr. Amiirose, have vou tin- Tin c.- 
 Perils of Man in the house? If yea, bring them forthwith. 
 
 Ambrose {indignantly). Sir, Mr. Uogg's works form a part of iho 
 standing furniture of the tap-room. 
 
 Odoherty (aside). Standing furniture, I will be sworn. 
 
 Ambrose. I rather think Mr. Macmurdo, the great drover from 
 Angus, has one of the volumes just now; but he seemed getting vi-ry 
 drowsy, and I shall perhaps be able to extract it. (A'xit.) 
 
 Hogg (aside). Honest man ! he's surely been sair forfaughten the 
 day at the market. 
 
 Odoherty. Hogg has another character in the same book — a pri.^st ; 
 and what think ye is his dialect? AVhy, pure Chaklee, to be sui<<. 
 
 Tickler. Chaldee manuscript, you mean, I suppose. Well, I se« uo 
 harm in this. 
 
 Hogg. It's a' perfect nature. If I liked I could speak nothing but 
 poetry — deil a hait of prose — frae month's end to month's end. 1: 
 would come like butter. 
 
 Odoherty. In a lordly dish, to be sure. Come, Uogg, I take v-,. 
 
 at your word. Stick to your psalm-tune then. 
 
 Hogg. 
 
 Now steadfastly adhere wili I, 
 Nor swerve from tliis aL;nin, 
 But speak in measured melody 
 For ever more. .iVnieu I 
 
 Vol. r —30
 
 4'U N0CTE3 AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 Tickler. Ilurra ! Hogg for ever ! that's a thumping exordium, James. 
 Could you match him tliero, Jonathan ? 
 
 Jloffg. 
 
 There is no poet, no, not one, 
 
 Kor yet no poetess, 
 "Whose ready rhj-nies like those can run, 
 
 Wliioh iiiy lijjs do express. 
 Yea, all the day eoiiliiiually 
 
 Out from my mouth the}' go, 
 Like river that not waxeth dry, 
 
 But his waves still do flow. 
 Sith it be so that Og, the King 
 
 Of Bashan 
 
 Tickler. Come, Hogg, in \'irtue of the power which Christoj^her 
 gave me when he took the gout, you are absolved, and hereby I do 
 absolve you. One rhyme more, you great pig, and I'll have you scald- 
 ed on the spot. 
 
 Hogg. The pitcher's getting cauld, at ony rate. Ye had better ring, 
 and bid Ambrose have on the big boiler at ance. And as for you, 
 Jonathan Spiers, they were deaving us wi' saying thcie w;is nae oj)en- 
 lUg in the literary world. Me away, that cauna be s;iid, my braw lad. 
 
 Odohertg. Come, Hogg, a joke's a jtjke — we've had enough of this. 
 There is no opening in the literary world. 
 
 Hogg. Wcel, .Jonathan, if Byron and me canna make an opening 
 between us, I'm thinking ye maun just ca' canny, and wait till ye see 
 out Odoherty and the Author of Waverley — I reckon them about the 
 next to Byron and me. 
 
 Tickler (aside). Either of their little fingers well worth you both. 
 But, however — Come, Hogg, supposing Jonathan really to reject my 
 poor adnce, what would be your counsel ? Come now, remember 'tis 
 a serious concern : — so be for once the siijjacious master of the saijacious 
 Hector. 
 
 Hogg. I would be for Jonathan trying a good, rousing, independent 
 Tory paper. iJeil a paper I see's worth lighting one's pipe wi'. It 
 would surely do. 
 
 Tickbr. I dare sav Jonathan's ambition aimed at rather hijjher con- 
 cerns ; but no matter, what have you to say against the papers, Jemmy? 
 
 Hogg. Just that they're a' clean trash — the Scots anes, I mean. 
 There's the Scotsman — it was lang the only ane that had ony bit spic« 
 of tlie deevil in't, and it's noo turned as douce and as doited as the very 
 warst of them, since that creature turned Ricardo Prof3ssor. or what 
 ca' ye't. He was a real dour, ugly, sulky beast, but still he was a 
 beast ; now they're mere dirt the lave o them — ^just the beast's leav- 
 ings— -peifect dirt. 
 
 Odoherty. What say ye to the Weekly Journal, James ?
 
 " THE RKACON." 4J^i\ 
 
 7%^ Too-too-too-too-too! iiy'r L:.lv. tjoo.l M.x,..r Li.u- 
 teuuut— too !— too !— too !— too !— too !— plu'ii"!. » 
 
 TkJdcr. The Courant, IL)<;fr ? 
 
 Ho<,c, An c-diticaliuiiing paper, Til ,,.. .l.-nv. It I,.-ls a' tin, farm, an.l 
 roups, i coiil<lna do without the (.'uuraiil. 
 
 Tickler. What sort of paper did you wish .Juna!ha.i to set uu-« 
 Jieacon, perhaps. * 
 
 Hong. A Beacon ! Gude pity us, Timotheus,— are you fraui. d.-- 
 mentit a thegither ] I thou.rl»t ye said Jonathan was a prud-nt ,M,i.-i 
 respectable laddie— Avishing to make hiswavin the warld— and" v.-ur 
 am sense tells you," as Meg Dods says al.out the lad n-niaininjj in the 
 room with Miss Mowbray, that, though your Antija.'obins, :.„d J,,hn 
 Bulls, and Twopenny Post-Bags, and sae on, <lo very we.d iu the great 
 P*:ibel of Lunnun, the like o' thae things are quite heterogenoouH in 
 this small atmosphere of the Edinbro' meridian— tlie folk "hero cnniui 
 thole't. 
 
 Tickler. Jonathan might try a good daily paper in Lon.lon— that ia 
 much wanted at ])resent. Indeed, a new one is wanted every three or 
 four years , for the cliaps that succeed soon get t(Jo rich and fat for 
 their business. Stoddart is quite a Bourbon man now. The ('ourier 
 is verging tc couciliation. 
 
 Odoherty. By the by, some dandies always pronounce Courier, ;ls 
 if it were a French word, Courie. Did you hear our friend I'eter's joke 
 upon this at Inverness ? 
 
 Tickler. Not I. What was it ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, a young Whig wit asked some witness before the 
 venerable Jury Couit, " Are you in the habit of taking in the Courie, 
 sir ?" Upon this, Patrick, in cross-examination, says, " Ai'e you in the 
 habit, sir, of taking in the Morning Po — P 
 
 Tickler. Very Avell, Peter ! — but enough of the papers. I wonder 
 you, Odolierty, don't think of patching up the Memoirs of Byron — you 
 could easily guess what sort of stutl' they were ; and, at any rate, an 
 edition of 10,000 would sell ere the trick could be discovered. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, I flatter myself, if it were discovered, the book 
 
 * " The Bi^acon" was a newspaper, the publication of which commenced in FVIinhiiruh in 
 January, 1S21, and was abruptly discontinued in August of tlie same year. Th? nymp.iiliy 
 
 felt in Scotland for Queen Caroline, in IS'iil, woulil lead, it was feared, to the ex- •• f 
 
 antipathy towards her husband, George IV. ami Ids ministers. The Kdinburph I 
 scribed money to establish a strong newspaper on their own side, — a pulilicalmn ■ 
 personal and libellous than the London John Jiidi vas produced, and when, nt liml — n(ur 
 being suddenly put an end to — J'/ie Bnicon was noticed in Pnrlianient, il wn« »ho«n, 
 that even the Law-officers of the Crown were part proprietors ! On its ashes uro^c The <..'■!*• 
 ffow Sntiii/'l, principally edited by the late Robert Alexander, (afterwards of the I.<.i,.l..n 
 Morning Journal and tiie Liverpool Jfiiil,) a powerful, but indiscreet writer. More pi - 
 alities than had made the Siieon notorious were introduced, and the end was that an ■ 
 rial quarrel resulted in the betrayal or theft of ". bnx of M,'^., by whieh llie lair Sir A \ 
 ander Boswell of Aucliinleck (son of Johnson's biographer) was discovered to 1>» author o( 
 certain truculent pasquinades against James Stuart of Dunearu, wlio challenged »nJ »l»,»l 
 him. — M.
 
 43G NOCTES AMBRO.'^IANM!:. 
 
 would still 1)0 i;<-)0<l cnoiiivh to sell on its own bottom.* T>ut the l)0>"-k- 
 sellers arc turnin>; so tleuceJly sijueainisli now a-days, there's really no 
 oiKMiin^; t"'>r a little fair qiiizzitication. Thoro was Hook went to Ool- 
 liurn about his Foote ; Oulburn remarked, it w;i.s a |)ity there was none 
 of Foote's private oorrv'spondence to be got Imld oi". "Pooh, pooh!" 
 quoth Theodore, " I'll make a volume of it in three weeks." Colburn 
 took fright at this, and the thing stopped. What a pity now ! Would 
 not the letters have been all the better for being not Foote's but the 
 Grand-M:uster's I 
 
 Tickler. To be sure they would ; and, after the Memoirs of Byron 
 that Colburn did publish — old paste-and-scissors work — he need not 
 have been quite so sensitive, I would have thought. But there's no 
 saving as to these people. Colburn's getting deuced rich upon the 
 Literary Gazette, Lady Morgan, The Writer Tam, and the rest of these 
 great (runs of his, I have a notion. 
 
 Odohtrty. To be suie he is. But, as for Byron's Memoirs, why, I 
 can tell you I have read the book myself, twice over; and, what is 
 more, you will read it yourself within a mouth or six weeks' time of 
 this present. 
 
 Tickler. Ay ? — how ? — indeed ? — Well, you surprise me ! 
 
 Odoherty. Why, the fact is, that the work had been copied, for the 
 private reading of a gi'oat lady in Florence ; and it is well known in 
 Lonilon, that Oaligiiani has bought the MS., and that it will be out in 
 Paris forthwith.f But is this really news for you ? 
 
 Hoyg. It's news — and blythe news too — to me, for ane. But, I say, 
 Ensign, speak truth now — am I mentioned ? 
 
 Odoherty. Frequently. 
 
 Hoyy. Dear me ! what does he says of me ? — nae ill, I'll be swora 
 — I aye took his part, I'm sure. 
 
 ♦ At that time, had he been so minded, Maginn (Odoherty) could have got up a popular Life of 
 Byron as well as most men in England. Immediately on the account of llyron's death being 
 received in London, .lolin Murray proposed that .M;if;inn should bring out Memoirs, Journals, 
 and Letters of Lord Byron, and, with tliis intent, placed in liis liands every line that he (Mur- 
 ray) possessed of liyron's handwriting. AVliatever, tlierefnre, is here put into Odiilierly's 
 mouth, may be taken as authentic. The strong desire of Jiyron's family and executors that 
 the .\ntobiography sliou<d be burned, to wliicli desire Murray foolishly yielded, made such an 
 huiiiiK in the materials that Murray and Maginn agreed it would not answer to bring out the 
 work then. Eventually, Moore executed it. — .M. 
 
 t The " great lady in Florence," for whose private reading Byron's Autobiography was 
 copied, was the present Countess of Westmorelanil, then Lady Burghersh. Her husband liad 
 been Envoy Extraordinary to the Court of Tuscany. Of the copy sent to her, I have heard that 
 a transcript was made and retained, yo copy w.is sent to (i.ilignani by Murray. Lady lUessinp- 
 ton had the Autobiography in her jxissession for weeks, and confessed lo having transcribed 
 every line of it Moore remonstrated, and Lidy H. committed her in.muscript to the flames; 
 but she did not tell him that her sister, Mrs. Home Purvis, (now Viscountess Canterbury,) had 
 aUo made a copy. In fact, several people had been allowed the like opportunity, and it is 
 hard to believe that, out of at least ten or twelve persons, only three, ami these women, had 
 taken the trouble of transcribing. Prom ttie quantity of '• copy" wliioh I have seen, (and 
 others were more in the way of falling across it than myself,) I surmise that at least lialf a 
 lozen copies were made, and thut five of these are in existence. Some particular transac- 
 tions— such as the marriage and the separation — were copied separately; but I think there 
 cannct be less than five full copies yet to be found. — M.
 
 btkon'8 " diction a i: v." 4.'^; 
 
 Odoheriy. Why, lie faki's ynur lijirt on tli..- wlml.-— )„• ] ' :r 
 Queen's Wake uud Chuldee most steuloritjiisly ; aii'l <<\\ ih.- u , 
 
 you justice — you are in the Dictionary. 
 
 y/o/77. The Dictionary '.—was he at an Eiii,'lisli 1 >i.ii,,ii.ti v |.... f « ».l, 
 I would like to see myself quoted in the Kni^dish Dielionary— a hit <.f 
 Momy in below a hit of bacon may be — it would l<Jok very well. 
 
 Odohertij. In the next Dictionary that a].i)cars, no iinf-s'lioii, \,,\x will 
 be g-ratiiied with abnn.lance of such compliments — but the Dictionary 
 of Byron is quite another sort of thing. One y<jlume of his M.-nioin*, 
 iu short, consists of a dictionary of all his friends and acquaiiitaiic/M, 
 alphabetically arranged, with proinjr dctinitions of their characters — 
 criticisms on their works (when they had any) — and giMnTally a fi-w 
 specimens of their correspondence. To me this yohnne seemed', ou iho 
 ■whole, the most amusing of the three. 
 
 Ho(j(j. I dinna doubt it. Oh, the ne'er-do-weels, to gang awa and 
 burn sic a book as this. 
 
 Odo'.iet ty . I'ocli ! I tell you 'tis not burnt* — you will see it in tJio 
 course of the summer. 
 
 Tickler. After all, it could not well have been publislied by Murray. 
 Galignaui, or some foreigner or other, was the only plan. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, there may be two opinions as to this. It w;ls at 
 one time understood that Murray was to have employed my excellent 
 friend Tegg to bring the thing forth — but perhaps Tom would have 
 been over nice. 
 
 Tickler. O, as to that, you know Davison's name could have stood 
 alone, as in the case of the first canto of the Don. 
 
 Odoherty. Hang it, you are forgetting that infernal narr(jw-iniMded 
 old quiz of a Chancellor — his abominable punctilios about the injunc- 
 tioning law, you know, have entirely done away with the temptation to 
 publish improper books. There is an English judge and cabini-t-man 
 for you! Discountenancing Don Juan — strangling IJyron's .Memoirs, 
 (so far as the English MS. was in question) — Fine doings — tine doings 
 — we shall be a pretty nation soon, I calculate. 
 
 Hogg {sings)— 
 
 My blessings on your aiild pow, 
 John Anderson, my joe, John. 
 
 id yet, I'm doom'd glad that the lady in Florence had had a copy <'i 
 n-ou's MS. I have a gay hantle letters o' Byron's in my ain dask. 1 
 
 * Bvron's "Dictionary" was not araong the raanuacripts burnt at the InsUnce of Urd 
 Byron's executors. It has been very fully described to me as written on l..i.» fm.!.--.!., 
 bound together or stitched with narrow pink ribbon, and covered with Miff r r -.n 
 r-aper. What Odoherty calls " specimens of the correspondence, were "clu ■ '^ 
 
 the parties treated of in the book, wafered upr.n t!u- p-.RC opposite that "" "^l'':^,' " i,„j„a ^ 
 This " Dictionary," which was the bulkiest of these three volumes of mauu«:ript, .ii«na«a lo 
 nearly 250 written pag'es. — M.
 
 438 NOCTES AMBKOSTAN.G. 
 
 woniler wliat the lra<lo wouKl ^ivo a body for a small volume of bis 
 ej>ist<»l;iry corivspuiuleiKe wi' bis trieiid.s ? 
 
 Odohvitij. Nut one rap — bis lettei's to .l.iliii Miiriav will bo quite 
 a suilifii'iit <lose of tbeiaselves, — but, to be sure, lluv niayii'l be printed 
 just iiiuuediately. 
 
 Tickler. Xot in my day, 1 calculate — you young dogs may expect 
 lo outlive both me and Jobn Murray — you will see the wlujle of it. En- 
 sign — and you, Jonathan. But 1, long ere then, shall be enjoying the 
 couversutiou of l^yruii himself 
 
 V^vOa yt K'/'/iruidJ)' avipdyv irifioart iroXiarc, 
 Hcpt Kilt vtpc\ri KCKriXi'fifUiioi, nit wot' avrvf 
 
 Uui5' hvoT an arci-j^nat irpof ipavov ds'cpotvra 
 
 Oufl' briif dif/ eiri ^aiav ot ipayodtv nporpantriTai— 
 
 llebis ! belas ! qpsw, ■cJo^ffoi, w ! ! och ! och ! 
 
 Ho(iq. llech, sirs ! what's a' this rumbleterow ? — what's ailing Mr. 
 Tickler \ 
 
 Odohertii. Vou upon pale Cocytus' shore ! — you old piece of whip- 
 cord ! — I'll back you to Jiinety-tive as readily as if you were a sinecurisL 
 And besides, to be serious, I hope you don't mean to kfcp company 
 with people down yonder, whom you've doue nothing but abuse while 
 ezSi -/pdMi Jspxwv, 
 
 Tickler. Come, C>doherty — I know very well you and I can never 
 agree as to this. I)Ut, now that Lord liyron is dead, you must really 
 stint in your gab, Morgan Odoherty. We have lost a great man, sir 
 — a truly great man — one of the very (qw really great men of might 
 that our age has witnessed. 
 
 Odoherti/. Not at all, my dear youth — by no manner of means, 
 liyron wjis a very clever man, and a very clever poet ; but, as to his 
 being either a truly great man, or a truly great poet, I must altogether 
 diller from you. Why, sir, he has left no truly great work behind him; 
 and his chai-acter was not great. 
 
 Tickler. I don't admit all that. But, taking the first thing you say 
 to be so for a moment, what is the great work we have of Alcieus, of 
 Sajtpho — even of I'indar, or of Sallust, or of Petrouius ? and yet these, 
 1 take it, were great people, and are so even in your estimation. 
 
 Ho'jij. I never heard tell of one of them afore since ever I was born. 
 Did ye, Jonathan ? 
 
 Mr. Spiers. O fie, Mr. Hogg ! — never heard of Sallust ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, Tickler, my good fellow, but you are not staling 
 your c;ise fairly. These peoj)le have left glorious fragments — enough 
 to make us believe what other great people say of the works that have 
 perished : but, misery on that infernal engine the press ! — the next 
 worst thing after gunpowder — Byron's fragments never can exist. Spite
 
 kykon's rank. 1"0 
 
 of fate, the whole mass of IiiihImt exists, :iii<l will <\i-f, an,! r. 
 
 modern times, will take the tiimlile to |>ick out the It-w tiin- l.j;, i i, 
 
 r<-ally may have produi-cl and jila.-.- tiii-ni hd'ure thf i«v«'h *,{ ili.- 
 world, to the exehision of liis puitc-iitous l>alaani. Thin in lli« uuf 
 devilry of your modern autliorship. 
 
 IHckler. Has Candide, then, no separate cxisti-nee of it« owiif IKm-* 
 any body, when they read that irlorioii>s thiiii.'. or the I'line.s, of llnhv- 
 h>n, or Zadiij, trouble tlieir heads with tliinkiiii; of tlie exi^ten. . 'f 
 (Edipe, the Universal History, and all the rest of Voltaire's hiiin 
 ging Tragedies and Histories? Not at all, my lieariy. <Jr, wla-ii 
 people read Manon Leseaut, does it diminish their delight that the 
 Abbc'i wrote and published lifly volumes, or more, lA' bml novels, whieli 
 no human creature above the calibre of a Turnipologisi would now 
 endu)e three pages of? Or do T, in readinij (ioldsmith's Rssavs, Itother 
 myself with his History of Animals, or his History nt' llnuu- 1 <.>r do 
 any of us enjoy Tam o' Shanter the less, because I)r. CkirrieV isliijon 
 contains all that stuff of liurns's Epistles to Mrs. l)unlop, (Jeorge 
 Thomson, &c. ? Or who the devil has ever even heard the name of 
 the five-hundredth part of the trashy productions whieh Howed from 
 the pens of Fielding and Smollett, or tlieir great masters, Ia; Sitge and 
 Cervantes? Tlie critiques of the Doctor, the plays (jf the .lustiee, tin- 
 many bitter bad plays and novels of the Author of l)on t^"''"'''". "'"' 
 the myriads of bad plays and bad books of all kimls, of tlie author <i( 
 the Devil on Two Sticks — these matters are all jtretty well forgotten, I 
 suppose; and what signifies this to the student of Saneho I'aiiAi, 
 Asmodeus, Commodore Tiaiimion, or Parson Trulliber ? Come, coino 
 — own yourself beat now, like a fair man. 
 
 Odoherty. You spout nobly when your breath is once up; but, 
 Feviously, then, what are tlie works of Byron that you think will Iw 
 remembered in honor? and what is the sort of name altogether tliiit 
 vou think he will bear, 
 
 " When we're all cold aiifl musty, 
 A hundred years hence J" 
 
 Tickler. I think Byron's Childe Harold, Corsair, Lara, and D-.n 
 Juan (in part) will be'remembered in the year of grace, 1024; ami I 
 think the name of Byron will then be ranked as the third n:uue of ouo 
 great era of the imaginative literature of England ; and this I think is 
 no trifle. 
 
 //or/9. After Sir Walter and me ? 
 
 Tickler. No, Hogg, to be honest, before you, my dear en-Mure. \ es, 
 before vou. Before every bodv else in the line, my dear James .-x.-.'})! 
 Uie authoi of the Bride of Lammermoor, and the author of KuUi. 1 
 
 • ScoU and Wordsworth.— M.
 
 440 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN.E. 
 
 name Xho two best ;uul most pathetic works of tlio two best, and, U. 
 iMV tW'liii"-, most patliotio writors ot" our day — the only two — I speak 
 wilh tlisparagemont to uo <'Ik — that have optMiod up absolutely new 
 fields of their ow'n. For, al'ter all, I do not ui)hul<l Hynm so iiuuh uu 
 the score of oriijiual invention, as on that of oritrinal energy. , 
 
 JfoQff. Original energy ! what means that, being iuteipreted ? ' 
 
 Tickler. Why, I mean to say, that mere energy of thought and 
 latii^uage mav be carried so far as to make, I do not say a }>oet of the 
 very highest class, but a poet of a very high one — and I say that 
 livron's energv wiis of this kiud — and I say that his place is imme- 
 diateiv behind the all but llomeric magician of the North, and the all 
 but Miltoiiic j)rophet of the Lakes. There's my apophthegm — for that, 
 I think. Jemmy, is your name for any thing you don't undei-stand. 
 
 I[i)(j(i. Many thousand thanks to you, Mr. Timothy Tickler, of 
 Southside. 
 
 Odoherty. The fact is that Byion was a deuced good rattling fellow ; 
 a chap that could do most things he had si-eu any body else do before 
 him, just JUS I could write five hundred first-rate songs, a la Tom Moore, 
 or ii In James Hogg, if I had a mind. The far greater part of his com- 
 position was decidedly of this class — his short narrative octosyllabic was 
 ;us decidedly a copy of Walter Scott, as that of the Queen's Wake. 
 Ilis "deep feeling of nature" — ha! ha! ha I — in the third canto of 
 Harold, and other subsequent concerns, was the result of his having 
 read then — and a hint that he liad not, more shame to him, read 
 before — the poetry of that old Pan of the woods, W. W. His lk'p[)o 
 was the visible by-blow — a vigorous one, I admit — of Whistlecraft — 
 his Manfred was a copy of Goethe — and his Deformed Transfoiiued 
 was at once a half-formed and a deformed transformation of the Devil 
 and Doctor Faustus, of the same unintelligible, cloud-compelling, old 
 Meerschaumite. Shall I go on ? 
 
 Horif/. As lang Jis you like, my dear fellow — but you wunna make 
 out Wordsworth to have written Parisina for a' that — uo, nor Frere to 
 have ever had one canto of Don Juan in his breeks. Pooh! pooh' 
 Odoherty, you might as weel tell me that Shakspeare was the copyist 
 of the auld idiots that wrote the original Henry Fifths, King Johns, 
 and so forth. Byron was the great man, sir. 
 
 Odoherty. I'll give you this nmch — I do believe he might have been 
 a great man, if he had cut verse fairly, and taken to prose. My humble 
 opinion is, that verse will not thrive again in our tongue. Our tongue 
 is, after all, not an over-melodious one. I doubt if even Shakspeare 
 would iiot have done well to cut it — at least, it always appears to me, 
 that when he wntes what the critics call prose, he is most poetical. 
 What say you to Hamlet's talk with Kosencrantz and Gildenstern ? 
 " This oveihanging vault, look ye, fretted with golden fires," <fec. <fec. 
 (fee. Is not that poetry, sir ? At any rate, the fact is, that Byron
 
 BYUOn's I'UOSE. I ! 1 
 
 iipver could versify, and (liat liis Memoirs and liis pnvnt«> Utlfn wv 
 the only thiniiTs of his that 1 have evor s.'.mi, that irav*- m.-, ii ' ' ,,i 
 degree, the notion of a tine creature enjoying tin- full and nn< • .-d 
 
 swing of his faculties Hang it! if you had ever wen that nttnrk of 
 his on r>Ia(k\vood — or, k'tter still, that attack of his on .K-lVi.-v, for 
 putting Johiiiiy Keats — or, best of all, )K'riiaits, that k-lli-r un 'lIol>- 
 liouse — or tliat glorious, now I think of it, that iniinit<ibl« lutU-r to 
 Tom Moore, giving an account of the blow-up with Murray aUml tlio 
 Don Juan concern — oh, dear! if you. ha<i sei-n tht-sf, you would 
 never have thought of mentioning any rhymed thing of liynjirn — no, 
 not even his epigrams on Sam Rogers, which are well worth five duzea 
 
 of Parisinas and Prisoners of Chillon, and 
 
 2''ickli'r. Stulf! stuff! stuff! — But I take it you're quizzing within 
 the club — which you know is entirely contra bonos moren. Drop lhi«, 
 Ensign. 
 
 Odoherty. I am dead serious. I tell you, Byron's pnise works, 
 when they are printed, will decidedly fling his verse into totid oblivion. 
 Vou, sir, that have merely read his hide-bound, dry, barking, absurd, 
 un<naiumatical cantos of Don Juan, and iudufe from tliiMu of Bvron'i" 
 powers as a satirist, are in the most pitiable position imaginable. < >iio 
 thumpiiig paragraph of a good honest thorough-going Iriter of his to 
 Douo'las Kinnaird, or Murray in the olden time, is worth five ton of 
 that material. I tell you once again, he never wrote in vi-rse with 
 perfect ease and effect — verse never was his natural language, as it 
 was with Horace or Boileau, or Pope or Spenser, or any of those lads 
 that could not write prose at all. When he wrote verses, he w;ii» 
 always translating — that is to say, beastifying — the prose that already 
 existed in his pericranium. There was nothing of that rush and llow 
 that speaks the man rhyming in spite of himself, as in the Battle i>f 
 Marmion, or Hamilton's Bawn, or any other fii-st-rate poem. No, no 
 — he counted his feet, depend upon it — and, what is less excus,able, he 
 did not always count them very accurately. Of late, by Jupit.-r, he 
 produced tooth-breakers of the most awful virulence. I Uike it iho 
 Udontists had bribed him. 
 
 Tickler. Why, whom do you call a good versifier, then ? 
 Odoherty. We have not iiiany of them. Frere and Coleridge are, 
 I think, the most perfect, being at once more scientific in their ideas 
 of the matter than any others now alive, and also more e:isy and 
 delightful in their melody which they themselves pro<lu.-e. We hav« 
 no better things in our language, looking merely to vei^yficution, l..aa 
 the psychological curiosity — 
 
 "A damsel, n-ith a dulcimer, 
 III a vision imce I saw, 
 It was an Abyssinian n.iii.l, 
 And on a dulcimer slie played, 
 tiiugiiig of Mount Al)oru," »tc
 
 442 NOCTES AMBKOSIAN^. 
 
 Or Frere's translation of the Froirs, printed loncf aijo in Ebony. Do 
 vmi remember the verses, in particular, which old North used to read, 
 with a tew literal alterations, as a tine cut at Joseph Uume, Peter 
 Moore, and ihe other grand leaders of the Whig party now ? 
 
 " Foreign stamp and vulgar mettle raise them to command and place, 
 Brazen, couiitei'feit pretenders, flunkies of a flunky race; 
 "Whom the Wliigs of former ages scarce would have allowed to stand, 
 At the sacrifice of outcasts, as the scape-goats of their band." 
 
 ]>vron seldom or never made verses equal, merely qu& verses, to the 
 like of these. When he did, it was by a strict imitation of something 
 liis ear had caught in the versification of some preceding poet. As 
 for the Spenserian, you well know that Avhenever his sweep of stanza 
 did not vividly recall Thomson or old Edmund himself, the stanza 
 was execrably hard, husky, and unswallowable. 
 Tickler {solemnly). 
 
 "Tambourgi, tambourgi, tliy larum afar 
 Gives hope to the valiant, and promise of war 1" 
 
 Odohertij. Come, come, Timotheus, don't throw your chair back in 
 that abominable Yankee-doodle fashion. Stick to the argument, sir — 
 don't lounge and spout. 
 
 Tickler. 
 
 " It is the hour when from the boughs 
 The nightingale's high note is heard ; 
 It is the hour when lover's vows 
 Seem sweet in every whispered word; — 
 And gentle winds and waters neaj' 
 Make music to the lonely ear; — 
 Each flower the dews have lightly wet, 
 And in the sky the stars are met; 
 And on the waves a deeper blue, 
 And on the leaf a browner hue, 
 And in the heavens that clear obscure, 
 So softly dark and darkly pure, 
 Whicli ioUo-ws the decline of day. 
 As twilight melts beneath the moon, away." 
 
 Hogg. Ay, ay, man, these are verses. (Aside to Spiers.) Do you 
 think they're as good as Kilmeny? 
 
 Tickler. Listen to me one moment more. Odoherty. The fact, sir. 
 Btands simply thus : — It is obvious to any one who is capable of cast- 
 ing a comj)rehensive eye over things, that there are three different 
 great veins of thought and sentiment prevalent in this age of the 
 world ; and I hold it to be equally clear, that England has furnished 
 at least one great poetical expositor and interpreter for each of the 
 three. This, sir, is the Age of Revolution. It is an age in which 
 earth rocks to and fro upon its foundations — in which recourse is had
 
 BYRON, SCOTT, ANn WORPSWORTir. 41.'; 
 
 to tlio elements of all tinners — in Avliicli tlironcs, and dominationH, «i.| 
 principles, and powers, and opinions, and creuds, aif. all alik<- siil-ji-cl.-d 
 to the sifting of the winds of Intellect, and tiie tossing and lashinjr .,( 
 the waves of Passion. Now, there are three ways in whicli ll»e niinti 
 of poetic power may look at all this — ihei'e Jire three parts auiuir^ 
 which it may choose. First, there is the spirit of scorn of that whidi 
 is old — of universal distrust and derision, minified up with a certain 
 phrenzy of indignation and innovating fury — here is liyr<Mi. Tlu-n 
 there is the high heroic spirit of veneration for that which has U-un — 
 that still deeper, that infinitely more philosophical distrust, which Ii:m 
 for its object this very rage and storm of coxcomhical innovation which 
 I have been describing. This is Scott — the noble bard of iIil- noble— 
 the prop of the venerable towers and temples, beneath which our 
 fathers worshipped and did homage in the days of a higher, a purer, a 
 more chivalric race. This is the voice that cries — In di'fi'iicc ! — 
 
 ' Faster come, faster come 
 
 Faster and faster, — 
 Paiiie, vassal, squire, and groom, 
 
 Tenant and master : 
 Come as the winds come. 
 
 When forests are rending; 
 Come as the waves come, 
 
 When navies are stranding I" 
 
 And there is yet a third spirit — the spirit of lonely, meditative, high- 
 souled, and yet calm-souled men — of him who takes no ))art in soniid- 
 intr or obeying the war-pipe of either array — the tar-olf, i>hilosopliic 
 contemplator, who, turning from the turmoil, out of which he sees no 
 escape, and penetrated with a profound loathing of all this mighty 
 clamor, about things, at the best, but fleetingand terrestrial, plunges, a.s 
 it were, into the quiet, serene ocean-depths of solitary wisdom, there to 
 forget the waves that boil upon the surface — there to brood over tlio 
 images of eternal and undisturbed truth and beauty. This is Words- 
 worth ; hear how he desci'ibes a poet's tomb — 
 
 " A convent — even a hermit's cell — 
 Would break the silence of this deU. 
 It is not quiet — is not ease. 
 But something deeper far than these. 
 The separation that is here 
 Is of tlie grave — and of auntere 
 And happy feelings of the dead: 
 And therefore was it rightly said, 
 That Ussian, last of all las race,^ 
 Lies buried in tliis lonely place." 
 
 Hogg. Hech me !— I'll be buried beside Yarrow mysel ! 
 Odlerty. And dug up, no doubt, quite fresh and lovely, hke this
 
 44-t NOCTES AJklBKOSIAN^. 
 
 new hero of youi-s, one hundred summers hence. I liope you will take 
 care to be buried in the top boots, by the by — they will gratify the 
 speculators of the year two thousand and two. 
 
 Tickler. So liyron is, after all, to be buried in Greece — quite rigrlit.* 
 His suspiration was originally from thence — his muse always spread a 
 broader piuion whenever she hovered over the blue ^geau. Proudly 
 let him lie on Sunium ! loftily let his spirit gaze at midnight upon the 
 rocks of Salamis ! 
 
 Odohcrty. So be it. But I have still one word to say to you nnenl 
 his lordship of Byron. Byron was by no means, Mr. Timothy, the 
 Jacobin Bard that you seem to hold him. I'll be shot if he ever pen- 
 ui'd one stanza without feeling the coronet. — Ay, ay, sir, he was indeed 
 " liyrou my Baron," and that to the backbone. 
 
 Tickler. You are quite right, Odoheity, and I would have said the 
 same thinof if Iloofof had not interrupted me. The fact is, that Bvron 
 took the walk I mentioned, but he did not take it in that singleness of 
 heart and soul with which the two other gentlemen took to theirs. 
 No, sir, he was too good by nature for what he wished to be — ho could 
 not drain the blood of the cavaliers out of his veins — he could not 
 cover the coronet all over with the red nightcap — he could not forget 
 that he was born a lord, a gentleman, an English gentleman, and an 
 English lord; — and hence the contradictoriness which has done so 
 much to weaken the effect of his strains — hence that self-rejjroaching 
 melancholy which was eternally crossing and unnerving him — hence 
 the impossibility of his hearing, without a quivering pulse, ay, evea 
 after all his thundering trumpets about Washington, America, repub- 
 lics, and tiddle-de-dees, the least echo of what he in his very last poem 
 80 sweetiv alludes to — 
 
 " The home 
 
 Heart ballads of green Erin or gray Highlands, 
 
 That bring Lochaber back to eyes that roam 
 O'er far Atlantic continents or islands — 
 
 Tlie calentures of music that o'ercome 
 All raountaineei"s with dreams that they are nigh lands 
 
 No more to be beheld but in such visions." 
 
 Hence the dark heavinof of soul with which he must have written 
 in his Italian villezgiatura, that description of his own lost, forfeited, 
 ancestral seat. I can repeat the glorious verses. 
 
 " It stood embosom'd in a happy valley, 
 
 Crown'd by high woodlands, where the Druid oak 
 
 * It was originally intended tliat Byron's heart, at least, should be retained in that Greece 
 which he had loved so well, wliicli obtained his early synii>athy, aud received his latest breath. 
 This was not fulfilled. All that was mortal of him rests in the humble church of Uucknall, uut 
 lor from tlmt Newstcad Abbey which he so exquisitely described. — M.
 
 NEWSTEA.D AnUKT. 4|;, 
 
 Stood like Caraciacns in act to rally 
 
 His liost, witli hroad arms, 'tjainst U»e tiiuiidcr-.-stioko; 
 And from beneatli liis boughs were st-eii to aMy 
 
 T'f.e dappled foresters — ns day awoke, 
 The branching stag swept dowii with ail his herd, 
 To quaff a brook wliich nuirniur'd like a bird. 
 
 " Before the mansion lay a lucid lake, 
 
 Broad as transparent, deep, and freshly fed 
 By a river, -whieli its soften'd way did lake 
 
 In currents through the calmer water s|)read 
 Around: the wild fowl nestled in the ln-ake 
 
 And sedges, brooding in their licpiid bed ; 
 The woods sloped downwards to its brink, and stood 
 With their green faces fix'd upon the flood. 
 
 " Its outlet dasli'd into a deep cascade, 
 
 Sparkling with foaiu, until, again subsiding, 
 Its shriller echoes— like an infant made 
 
 Quiet — sank into softer ripples, gliding 
 Into a rivulet; and thus allay'd. 
 
 Pursued its course, now gleaming, and now hiding 
 Its windings through the woods; now clear, now blue. 
 According as the skies their shadows threw. 
 
 "A glorious remnant of the Gothic pile 
 
 (While j'et the church was Rome's) stood half apart 
 
 In a grand arch, which once screened many aji aisle. 
 These last had disappear'd — a loss to art: 
 
 The first yet frown'd superbly o'er the soil. 
 And kindled feelings in the roughest heart. 
 
 Which mourn'd the power of time's or tempest's march, 
 
 In gazing on that venerable arch. 
 
 "Within a niche, nigh to its pinnacle, 
 
 Twelve saints had once stood sanctified in stone, 
 
 But these had fallen, not when the friars fell, 
 
 But in the war which struck Charles from his throne 
 
 When each house was a fortalice — as tell 
 The annals of full many a line undone. 
 
 The gallant cavaliers, who fought in vain 
 
 For those who knew not to resign or reign. 
 
 " But in a higher niche, alone, but crown'd. 
 
 The Virgin Moth<er of the God-born child, 
 Witli lier !Son in her blessed arms, look'd round. 
 
 Spared by some chance when all beside was spoil d 
 She made the earth below seem holy ground. 
 
 This may be superstition, weak or wild. 
 But even the faintest relics of a shrine 
 Of any worship, wake some thoughts divine. 
 
 "A mighty window, hollow in the centre, 
 Shorn of its glass of thousa'.'d colorings,
 
 440 NOCTES AMBROSI^V^^E. 
 
 Throui^li whioh the deepen'd glories once coiuj enter, 
 SLreaiiiing from off the sun like seraph's wings, 
 
 Now yawns all desolate: now loud, now fainter, 
 The gale sweeps through it^j fretwork, and oft sings 
 
 The owl his anthem, where the sileneed quire 
 
 Lie with their hallelujahs quench'd like lire. 
 
 " But in the noontide of the moon, and when 
 
 Tiie wind is winged from one point of heaven. 
 
 There moans a strange xniearthly sound, which then 
 Is musical — a dying accent driven 
 
 Through the huge areli, which soars and sinks agaia. 
 Some deem it l)ut the distant echo given 
 
 Back to the night wind by the waterfall. 
 
 And hariuouized by the old choral wall. 
 
 " Others, that some original shape, or form 
 
 Shaped by decay perchance, hatii given the power 
 
 (Tliough less than that of ^lemnon's statue, warm 
 In Egypt's rays, to harp at a fix'd hour) 
 
 To this gray ruin with a voice to charm. 
 Sad, but serene, it sweeps o'er tree or tower: 
 
 Tlie cause I know not, nor can solve; but such 
 
 The fact : — I've heard it, — once perhaps too much. 
 
 "Amidst the court a Gothic fountain pla3''d. 
 
 Symmetrical, but deck'd witli carvings quaint — 
 
 Strange faces, like to men in masquerade. 
 And here perhaps a monster, there a saint: 
 
 The spring gush'd through grim mouths, of grani!« made, 
 And sparkled into basins, where it spent 
 
 Its little torrent in a thousand bubbles. 
 
 Like man's vain glory, and his vainer troubles." 
 
 Hogg. It is there — it is nowhere but there, that Byron's ghost will 
 linger. Ye may speak about Greetie, and Rome, and America ; but 
 his lieart was, after all, among the auld mouldering arches and oaks 
 of his forefathers. I would not, for something, stand ao hour of black 
 night below the shadow of (hat awful auld Abbey. Ghosts indeed ! 
 I could face the spectres of auld priests and monks enow, I daursay — 
 but od, man, what a ghost of ghosts will Byron's be ! 
 
 Tickler. Well said, James Hogg ! Go on. 
 
 Hogg {Jiaving drunk off a tumbler). I canna express what my feel- 
 ings are as to some things — but I have them, for a' that. I ken uae- 
 thing about your grand divisions and subdivisions, about old things and 
 new things, and contemplative spirits and revolutionary spirits, and 
 what not — but this I ken, sirs, that I canna bide to think *hat Byron's 
 dead. There's a wonderful mind swallowed up somewhere. Gone ! 
 and gone so young ! — and may be on the threshold of his truest glory, 
 baith as a man and as a poet. It makes me wae, waj, to think o't. 
 Ye'U laugh at me, Captain Odoherty ; but it's as true as I'm telling ye,
 
 BY RON. 
 
 ■11 V 
 
 I sluiU never see a grand blue sky fu' of stars, nor look out ujMin llu 
 Forest, when all the winds of winter ;uv, howlitiij tivt-r tin; wiM.Tii.-vt 
 of dry crashing bi'anches, nor stand beside iho M-a to licar tlif wavt-s 
 roanng upon the rucks, without thinking that the spirit of lJyr<»» i» 
 near me. In the hour of awe — in the hour of gloom — iu lli«; lujur of 
 sorrow, and in the hour of death, I shall ri'nuMuliL-r JJyroii ! 
 
 Tickler. Euge I Let no more evil be said of him. IMaTsj sv iMa^a 
 ^wvi Topofxaj^suCavTag — Peace be to the illustrious dead ! 
 
 Oduhertij. By all means, gentlemen — by all manner of moans. 
 Here, then, till your glasses to the brim — and rise up — To the Mciuoiy 
 of Byron ! 
 
 Omnes [rising). The Memory of Byron ! 
 
 Odoherty (sings). 
 
 Air — The Last Rose of Sunnr^r.* 
 
 Lament for Lord Byron, 
 
 In full flow of grief, 
 As a sept of Milesians 
 
 Would mourn o'er their chief! 
 With the loud voice of weeping. 
 
 With sorrow's deep tone, 
 We shall keen o'er our poet, 
 
 "All faded and gone." 
 
 2. 
 
 Though far in Missolunghi 
 
 His body is laid ; 
 Though the hands of the stranger 
 
 His lone grave have made; 
 Though no foot from Old England 
 
 Its surface will tread. 
 Nor the sun of Old England 
 
 Shine over its head ; 
 
 3. 
 
 Yet, bard of the Corsair, 
 
 High-spirited Childe ; 
 Thou who sang'st of Lord Manfred 
 
 The destiny wild! 
 rhou star, whose bright radiance 
 
 Illumined our verse, 
 0) r souls cross the blue seas, 
 
 To mourn o'er thy hearse. 
 
 4. 
 Thy faults and thy follies. 
 
 Whatever they were. 
 Be their memory dispersed 
 
 As the winds of the air ; 
 
 No reproaches from me 
 
 On Uiy course siiall be thrown, — 
 Let the iiiaii who is siiiluse 
 
 Uplift the tirst stoue. 
 
 5. 
 In thv vigor of manhood 
 
 Small praise from my tonguo 
 Had thy fame or thy talents, 
 
 Or merriment wrung; 
 For that eluu-ch. and that state, and 
 
 That monarcli 1 lov«'d, 
 Which too oft thy hot censure 
 
 Or rash laughter moved- 
 
 6. 
 
 But I hoped in my bosom 
 That moment would come, 
 
 When thy feeling;* would wander 
 Again to tiieir home. 
 
 For that soul, O lost Byron! 
 In brilliantcr hours, 
 
 Must have turn'd 'o its country- 
 Must still have been ours. 
 
 7. 
 Now slumber, bright spirit! 
 
 Thy body, in peace. 
 Sleeps witli heroes and sages. 
 
 And poets of Oreece; 
 While thy soul in the tongue of 
 
 Even greater than they. 
 Is embaim'd till the mouuUiiU 
 
 A;id seas puss away. 
 
 • Written by Maginn-ai waa the whole of this " Nocte.."-H
 
 448 NocTEs ambrosia:^^. 
 
 Tickler. Very well, indeed, Odoherty ; I am glad to see that you 
 really have some feeling about you still. Oh yes, man, that is what 
 every body must feel. 
 
 Odoherty. Feel what ? — why, what a proper old humbug you are, 
 after all 1 {^Sings.) 
 
 1. 
 
 Oh! when I am departed and passed away, 
 Let's have no hiraentatious or sounds of dismay — 
 Meet together, kind lads, o'er a three-gallon bowl, 
 And so toast the repose of Odoherty's soul. 
 
 Down, derrj' down. 
 
 If my darlina: girl pass, gently bid her come in, 
 
 To join the libation she'll thinV: it no sin; 
 
 Though she choose a new sweetheart, and doff the black gown, 
 
 fehe'll remeniber me kindly when down — down — -down — 
 
 Down, derry down. 
 
 "Were you deep in for it about the battle, Tickler ? I won five 
 ponies on Spring — that was all I had done. 
 
 Tickler. I have cut the pugilistic mania ever since the Thurtell busi- 
 ness — it quite disgusted me with the ring. 
 
 Odoherty. Pooh! stuff of stufts ; — you're getting crazy, I believe, 
 I suppose you shut Redgauntlet, whenever you came to that capital 
 murder of Nantv Ewart and Master Nixon — the best thing in the 
 book, in my humble opinion. 
 
 Hogg. An awfu' gruesome business, in truth. Weel, I think it's a 
 very gude book, now, Redgauntlet. I consider it a very decent novel. 
 I read him through without stopping ; and it was after supper, too, 
 ere I got baud o' the chiel. 
 
 Tickler. Why, that's not the worst way of judging of such affairs, 
 James. My case was pretty much the same. 'Tis a very excellent 
 book, a spirit-stirring one, and a spirit-sustaining one. It never flags. 
 
 Odoherty. I wish to God it had been written on in one even strain, 
 no matter whether in the first or in the third person ; but I hate all 
 that botheration of Mr. Latimer's narrative, Mr. Fairford's narr;itive, 
 arid the Author of Waverley's narrative. Indeed it is obvious he had 
 gut sick of that stuti" himself ere he reached the belly of the second 
 volume, and had the sheets not gone to press, no doubt he would 
 have altered it. 
 
 Hogg. I really never noticed that there was ony thing out of the 
 ordinary in this particular. I read it clean on, till I got baith sair een 
 and sair heart. 
 
 Tickler. Yes, yes — these are mere trifles. Give me such a stream 
 of uanative, and give me one such glorious fellow as Auld Willie, and
 
 REDOAUNTLET. 4 
 
 [ am pretty well off, I calculate. What a most tenifi.; pi,> -^ of din 
 blene that is, the story of the old Baruu au.1 his I5ahu..i, lU- Jui.it..r 
 they may talk of their Siutrams and their D.ivir8 Elixirs as l.,il.r ,« 
 they please. That's the best jrliost stoiy ever 1 read. I siKjak for my- 
 self— and how gloriously the Fiddlor tells it, which, l.y the way i« all 
 thiiig-s considered, not the smallest part of the feat. To niak.'-'a V-ai- 
 witted, old, blind cieature like that tell such a tale, without f.ir a ' 
 moment using an expression out of his own character, and v<.-t uM it 
 with such portentous thrilling energy, and even sublimity of offucl— 
 this, sirs, is the perfection, not of genius merely, but of Uiste and con- 
 summate art. 
 
 Odoherty. Nanty Ewart for my money ! Why, Byron might have 
 written for fifty years without digging the fiftieth part so de.-p into 
 the human heart — ay, even the blackguard human heart he is ^, fund 
 of. The attempt to laugh — and the stammeied "7^or /(«•/" — and 
 then that fearful sarcasm, "he is killing me — and I am oiilv sorry ho 
 is so long about it." These, sir, are the undying qail tnouruts'ihui 
 will keep this lad afloat, although he should write books enou'di to 
 fill the James Watt steamboat. 
 
 Hogg. I kent Peter Peebles brawlies — I've seen the doited body 
 gaun gaping about the Parliament-House five hundred times — I forget 
 his real name though. Peter's really a weel-drawn character — he's a 
 very natural delineation, to my fancy. 
 
 Tickler. Natural delineation ! Well-drawn character, indeed ! — 
 Come, come, Jamie, he's a prince, a king, an emperor of characters. 
 Give us one such a character, sir, and we will hoist you up till old Sto<J- 
 hard's ridiculous caricature be realized, and the top-boots of the Ettrick 
 Shepherd are seen plaited in the most intimate and endearing famil- 
 iarity with the point-hose of Will Shakspeare. lie's quite as good, 
 sir, as any Malvolio, or Slender, that was ever painted by the hand of 
 man. I build, in the true Catholic phrase, sujier hunc Petrum. 
 
 Odoherty. Nothing is so disgusting to me as the chat of these cock- 
 neyfied critics about those books. Prating, prating about fallings otf, 
 want of respect for the public, absurd haste, repetitions of Meg Mer- 
 rilies, &c. &c. &c. — I trouble them to show me the mau that o^m give 
 us a Meg Dods, or a Clara Mowbray, or one of these characlei-s we 
 have just been discussing. Till then, I spurn their Balaam with my 
 heels. The only person I really was sorry to see joining in the bea>ily 
 stutr was Tom Campbell— but to be sure, his dotage is sullicienlk 
 evident from many things besides that. 
 
 Tickler. Ay, ay, poor Ritter Bann !* He has gone down hill with a 
 vengeance, to be sure. _ 
 
 Odoherty. Spurn we with our heels the Balaam and the Balaaui- 
 
 • A ?ery inferior baUad, by Campbell, so named.— M. 
 
 Vol. I.— 31
 
 450 NOCTKS AMiniOSIA]>IJ3. 
 
 if^.^ : — Xoith, T suppose, will be squabasliing them in the shape of a 
 IJeview of Hedgauullet. 
 
 2'kkhr. Not he, i' faith. He was in a deuced rage with Ebony, for 
 waiuitiir him to have a review of it. lie said he supposed the next 
 thing would be to review llomer's Iliad, and the I'salms of David. 
 And^after all, Kit is so far right — every body has read a book of that 
 sort as soon as yourself, and there being nothing new in the kind of 
 talent it displays, most people are just as able as any of us to make a 
 decent judgment. When another Ivanhoe, or any thing ranking as 
 the commencement of another llight ;dtogether, makes its appearance, 
 then, no doubt, the old lad will touch the trumpet again — not, I think, 
 till then. 
 
 Odoherty. He is getting crustier and crustier every day. One can 
 scarcely get him to put in the least putt" now, merely to oblige a friend. 
 Ebony does not like to speak to him on the subject, particularly when 
 his trout is IhiniT^ about in this horrid way ; but e}itre nous, he is by no 
 means satisfied with old Christopher. lie seldom or never mentions 
 anv of Blackw^ood's bot)ks, which to me, I must own, seems deuced un- 
 fair, liut he's so capricious, the old cock. There is tiilbert Earle, 
 now, a really clever thing too — but that ought to have been nothing, 
 either here or there, when I asked him so small a favor, — I sent him 
 one of the handiest little articles on Master Gilbert you ever saw, and, 
 by Jupiter, back it came by return of the caddie, with just this 
 scrawled on the top in red ink, or beet-root sauce, I rather think : 
 *' Out upon novels !" — these were the words of the curmudgeon. 
 Ho'/f/. Out upon novels ! keep us a' ! 
 
 Tickler. Gad ! I almost sympathize with Christopherus — (here pos- 
 itively is too gi-eat a crop — but sans phrase, noAV, what sort of a con- 
 cern is this same Gilbert Earle ? 
 
 Odoherty. Why, it is a work of real talent — I assure you — 'pon 
 honor it is — a very clever work indeed — and besides, it is published by 
 Kniirht, a lad for whom I have a particular regard. 'Tis a most mel- 
 ancholy tale — both the subject and the style are after Adam Jilair, but 
 that does not prevent the author's exhibiting great and original talent 
 in many of the descriptions. By the by, he would suit you exactly 
 in one thing, Uogg. Such a hand for describing a pretty woman, has 
 not often fallen in your way, I calculate. Upon my soul, I'm not veiy 
 inriammable, you know, and yet some of his pieces of this kind almost 
 took away my bi'-ath. liut read the book, lads, for yourselves — ;i.sk 
 for " Some Account of the late Gilbert Earle, Esq.," written by himself, 
 and published by Mr. Knight. You will lind the author to be one of 
 these true fellows wlio blend true pathos with true luxury. Some of 
 Lis bits, by the by, may have caught y()ur eye already, for he published 
 0)ie or two specimens of the atiair in the Album. 
 
 Tickler. A clever and gentlemanlike periodical, whicJi I am ''uly
 
 JEFTnEY ANI) SOLTHICY. iri 
 
 ■i.ii 
 
 sr.riT to fii.a stoppo.1— at least I suppose it is «o, for I l.av.. n„t Inlolr 
 li<-aid the iiaiue. There were some capital oontributorH to thai c..n- 
 
 ccrn. 
 
 Odohcrhj. I believe JUTorth has now enlistrd soirc ')f th- Us\ ,.f 
 Hiem ; but not the author of the said Gilbert Earl-,* he U-inirji Whiir 
 He is a devilish nice lad, however, for all ihat. 
 
 Tickler. I perceive, Odoherty, that you have no notion of imparlinl 
 criticism. You always sit dcnvn with a lix.'d resolution to niui*.- n 
 fellow up hill and dovyn dale, or else to laud him to the Kmpyivan. 
 I suspect you are capricious as to these mattei-s. 
 
 Odoherty. Not at all. I always abuse my .•nemies, and puff mv 
 friends. So do all the rest of the lads "of the wk," if llicv had the 
 candor to confess things — but that they have not, wherefore |.-i i^t- 
 dition be their pojtion. I, for my part, have no hesitation in avowing 
 that I consider Burns's best, truest, and most touching line to be, 
 
 " They had been fu' for weeks together. " 
 
 IIow could one hesitate about puffing him whose cigar-case has never 
 been closed upon his fingers? Do you know why Jeflrey hxs been »o 
 severe of late upon Doctor Southey ? 
 
 Tickler. Impertinence, that's all — though I admit there is a pretty 
 considerable d — d deal of humbug about him («/ Yankire lor/udr). 
 
 Odoherty. The reason of Jetfiey's spleen is obvious. The laureate 
 invited him to tea/ — invite a literary character of rank to a di>h of 
 catlap, and a thin, scraggy, dry, huttcr-brodt, as the Germans call it in 
 their superb and now popularish dialect. Why, thcn-'s no saving wli;it 
 might have happened, had he set down the little man to a plate of hot 
 kipper, or some nice fried trouts, and then a bowl of cold punch, or a 
 bottle of sauterne or maikebrunner. That is the way to treat an 
 editor of that magnitude, when he calls on you in your country house 
 in the evening of a fine summer's day — more particularly when, as I 
 believe Jeffrey's case really was, the said editor has dined at an earlier 
 hour than he is accustomed to, and when, as I also un<lerslo<Ml to have 
 been the fact on this occasion, the lad is evidently ipiite soU-r. In 
 such circumstances the notion of the tea was a real betise. Siuthey 
 was always a spoon; but I wonder Coleridge could sit by without re- 
 collecting what sort of an appearance it would have, ami lipping 1^'tly 
 a hint to bring in the broth. 
 
 Hoffg. The broth ! Het kail to the four-houi-s, Captain ? 
 
 Odoherty. Was broth the word I u^ed? I have l)een in Glasgow 
 lately, you know. It has the same meaning there with punch — cold 
 lime"^and rum punch, I mean— the best liquefier, perhaps, that lias yet 
 
 • Barry St. Leger, an Irishman, was author of " Gilbert Earle," and of " SelecUonj fro-n 
 Mr. Blount's MSS."—M.
 
 J 53 N0CTE8 AMUUOSLAN^. 
 
 bf'f^u inventetl for this season of the year. I prefer it, I confess, both to 
 Saiiijaree and Brandy Panuy. These are nioiiiiiig tipples decidedly. 
 
 2'icklcr. Come, you're irettiii'' into vour Maxim vein, I think. Vou 
 are becoming a perfect Solomon of Soakers, Ensign. You should have 
 called it the Code Odoherty, sir, and produced it at once in a handy, 
 little, juridical-looking, punchy double duodecinio. The voik would 
 be much referred to. 
 
 Odohcrtij. I am great in my legislatorial capacity, I admit. No- 
 thing e(pial to me in my own department. As Byron has expressed 
 it, I am at present 
 
 The Grand Napoleon of the reahn of punch ; 
 
 or ratlier it sh.>uld be of pent rich, for of late I've been patronizing both 
 sides of the victuallini; otlice. 
 
 Tickler. Yes, you've been poaching in every corner of Kitchener's 
 preserve. By the way, how does the Doctor take up with your inter- 
 ference ? 
 
 Odoherty. Oh ! admirably. We understand each other thoroughly. 
 Kitchener — his name, by the by, settles all disputes about the doctrine 
 of piedestination — Kitchener is a prime little fellow — an excellent 
 creatui'e as earth contains. Why, here's a man that has written three 
 or four of the verj' best books our age has witnessed, as the putf-maker 
 says; and what's far better, my hearties, he gives one of the very best 
 feeds going — quite the dandy — such sauces! By jingo, I admire a 
 man of this stamp. 
 
 Hogg. Deil doubts you. Wha doesna admire them that can give 
 ye baith a gude book, and a gude dinner? For my p;u-t, I admire a 
 man that gives me the bare bit dinner, just itsell, without ony books. 
 
 Odoherty. The baie bit dinner I Oh, you savage ! You have no 
 moi'e right, sir, to open that cod's-mouth of yours, for the puipose of 
 uttering one syllable on any subject connected with eating or drinking, 
 than Macvey Napier has to mention Bacon, or Professor Leslie to 
 stand for the Hebrew chair,* or a Negro or a Phrenologist to be classed 
 among the genus rationale. — The bare dinner ! Oil, ye beast ! 
 
 Hogg. Some folk have a braw notion of themsells. Captain. 
 
 Odoherty. If I could choose now — if I had Foi'tunatus's cap in good 
 earnest — I'll tell you how I would do — by Jericho, I would breakfast 
 with Lord Fife at Marr Lodge. Such pasties ! such cakes ! what a 
 glorious set out, to be sure ! — I should then keep stepping southwards 
 — take my basin of nmlligatawny and glass of cherry-brandy at Mrs. 
 Montgomery's here en passant — get on to Belvoir, or Burleigh,f or 
 
 * Napier's Essay on Bacon and Leslie's ignorance of Hebrew were Blackwood's standing 
 subjects. — M. 
 
 t Belvoir Caofle, Ilutlandshire, the residence of the Duke of Rutland ; Burpley House, Lin- 
 lolnsljire, the mauaion of the Marquis of Exeter.- -M.
 
 ODOHEUTY AS A nAUON'KT. 4'^ 
 
 some of these, gran.l places on tl.e ro;ul, i„ time f..r .linm-r. nn-I tap 
 ust about twelve at the door ot the Hh.e Posts*- 1. ,•;,„.. whiskv-,..,,..- , 
 there, sirs. It you were here, I might prul.aMv tra-- 1,.„ k .. i,,/ ... . 
 to drop in upon your third bowl. 
 
 ^07^7. Hear to the craving neVr-do-w.-el l-Vuu'll i...t U- „ 1,,,,., 
 liver, I can tell you, Captain, if you go on at this rate. Vou ou-l,. ,?, 
 marry a wite, sir, and sit down for a decent, respectable head .,f a 
 family— you've had your braw spell of <l.n'ilrv now. Marry some hil 
 bonny body of an heiress, man, and turn over a new l.-af ' 
 
 Odoherty With a gilt edge, you propose. Well, I have Bon.o 
 thoughts ot the thing ; the worst of it is, that I am g.-tting oldish now 
 and deucedly nice— and I really distrust mvself too. fhav.- s.-ru.nl, 
 apprehensions tliat I might turn out rather a quis.juis sort of a U.-ii.- 
 dict. Ilang it! I've been too long on the hill— they could never 
 break me now — but I'll try some day, that's obvious. 
 
 Hogg. You'll easily get an heiress, man, wi' that grand laiig nos.- o' 
 ) ours, and thae bonny, bonny legs, and that fine yellow curly^head of 
 hair. 
 
 Odoherty (aside). Bond Street growth — but no matti-r. 
 
 Hogg. And, aboon a', your leeterary name. Dd, man, I k.-n twa 
 leddies in the Cowgate that wad fain, fain have me to bring ye soino 
 night to tea. Bonny birds, Captain — will ye gang? 
 
 Odoherty. You be skinned ! 
 
 Tickler. I'll tell you Avhat my real \news are, Odohertv. — II;ing it, 
 I don't see why you should not take up a Scots baronctcv as w.-il ;i.s thu 
 Bishop of Winchester,! or, as Johnny Murray called him, Mr. Winton. 
 I suppose this sort of concern don't stand one much high"r th.m an 
 Aberdeen degree. I really would have you think of it. Sir Morgan 
 
 and Lady Odoherty request the honor Lady Oiloherty's carri.-ige 
 
 stops the way! — Sir Morgan Odoherty's cabriolet!! — By Jove, the 
 thing is arrano-ed ! — You must be a baronet, inv dear SiijnifiT. 
 
 Odoherty. Hum ! — Well, to oblige you, I shan't much object to sudi 
 a trifle. How shall I set about it, then, Timothy ? 
 
 Tickler. Poo ! — Find out that there was some Odoherty, of course 
 Jiere were many — but no matter for that — in the army of M'Faily.-n, 
 tlie lad that flung his own head after Lieuteiiant-Ociieial Sir Williaai 
 Wallace, Baronet, K.T. and C.G.B. — or in the armies of Montrose — 
 which, by the by, were almost all of them Irish armies ; sccuiulo. Kind 
 out that this glorious fellow — being, of course, (as all g.-ntlemcn in 
 those days were,) a Knight-Baclielor — had been once — no mattiT from 
 what beastly ignorance, or from what low, fawning vulgarity, cu/</r<'Mni 
 
 * A well-known public house, in London, nearly opposite the nnynmrket Thriilre.— M. 
 
 + In 1S23, Dr. Toiiiline, Uisliop of Wiiicliester, nrule a claim, which was all..wc<l. to a >o»» 
 Scotia baronetcy, which had been conferred by Cliarles I. on one of liU ancestor*. Ilu kjo, 
 however, has not assumed the title —M.
 
 ■ilA NOCTES AiTBROSIANJE. 
 
 as a Baronet. Then, tertio, have a few of us assembled at Ambrose's 
 some day at five o'clock, and the job is done. — I myself have fre- 
 quently acted as Chancellor. — I am quite au/ait. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, as to the first of these points, I have no doubt 
 there must have been some Odoherties here in Montrose's time. As to 
 the second, it obviously muat be so ; and as to the third, by Jupiter, 
 name your day ! 
 
 Tickler. This day three weeks — six o'clock sharp. I stijmlate for a 
 green goose, and a glass of your own genuine usquebaugh.* 
 
 Odoherty. Thou hast said it ! — stiuginess wouLl ill beseem a man 
 of my rank. I trust his Majesty the King of the Sandwich Islands 
 will be here in time to join us. I am told he is a hearty cock. 
 
 Tickler. To be serious — I was leally amazed to see John Bull, 
 honest lad, going into the Prettyman humbug. It is very likely, 
 indeed, that the worthy Bishop himself is by no means aware of the 
 absurdity of the system under which he supposes himself to have 
 acquired the orange nbbon of Nova Scotia. He has probably been 
 led — but no matter, as to one particular case. The fact is, that if they 
 wished to give us a real boon, they ought to look to this subject — the 
 people above stairs, I mean. They ought to bring in a bill, requiring 
 that the man who wishes to assume any title of honor in Scotland 
 ought to do the same thing which the House of Lords demands when 
 a man wishes to take up a peei'age of Scotland. If that were done, 
 the public would be satisfied, and the individual would be safe from 
 that anno}'7tnce to which he must be subjected so long as matters are 
 managed in the present ridiculous and most unlawver-like method. 
 Why, only consider what it is that the jury (Heaven bless the name !) 
 does in such a case. The claimant appears, and demands to be recog- 
 nised as the heir of such a man, who died two, three, or four centuries 
 ago. Vv'ell, he proves himself to have some blood relation, to the 
 defunct. The /actio juris is, that when a man makes such a claim, 
 those, if there be any, that have a better title — a nearer propinquity — 
 will of course appear and show fight ; and, in the absence of any such 
 appearance, the work of the said noble jury is at once finished.f Now, 
 in the case of a man making a claim, which, if allowed, will give him 
 a certain number of acres, no doubt the chances are infinitesimally 
 small, that any person, concerned from his own interests in the redar- 
 guing of the said claim, will fail to come forth to give battle. Nay, 
 even in the case of a Scotchman, of a Scotch family well known in the 
 histoiy-, or at least in the records of the country, coming forward with 
 a claim, the object of which is a mere honorary matter, such as a title 
 of baronet, the chances are not very great, that, in a small nation 
 
 • From this date, the Adjutant is always mentioned in Blackioood as Sir Morgan Odoherty, 
 Bui-oiiet. !— M. 
 
 t It is from such a "source" as ihit that Mr. Humphreys has claimed the Earldcm of 
 B'irliiig.— M.
 
 NOVA SCOTIA nAROXETCIICa. 455 
 
 where every body knows every body, and where all arc vcrr much 
 taken up about titular trilies — the cliaiiees are ii..t pvat, that .-v.-ii a 
 claimant of this order will be allowed to walk tlu- (•cjiii-s,'; but in tli.. 
 case of an Eoglishman, of whose family iKil.ody in Scutlaii.i everhcanl 
 a word, coming down and wanting a title, to wliirli ii.)l,.„|y in Smilaiid 
 can of couse have any claim — in this i;ase, no (joul.t, the iii.iM i^-if.-rl 
 apathy must prevail. The Bishop may be in the rijrht ; l)ul 1, hh.I ull 
 the world besides, must continue to regaid wiili suspicion the !i.>vhiiiu|>- 
 tion of a title, the patent for which is not produced, uidess the rlciirc-»l 
 evidence ;us to the tenor of the patent be produced. 
 
 Odoherty. Tlien, what is the Jiishop's way to gut out of the wrajM- f 
 Tickler. Whj% in the present state of matters, I see but oin-. Ho 
 ought to bring an action before the Coui't of Sessions against m.hu. 
 friend of his, no matter about what, assuming the style of baroiK-t in 
 his "summons," as we call it — that is, in his original writ. Th.- Wwui\ 
 may put in his objection to the style under whirh I he llishop suis, and 
 then the Court will be open to hear him (k'fi-iid tiis right to use the 
 said style. In this way the whole matter may be cleaifd up. 
 
 Hofjg. There's naebody cares ae boddle about sic mattei-s — they'ru 
 a' just clean havers. I own I do like to hear of a real grand auld 
 name like the house of Mari^ being restored to their ain. That is a 
 thing to please a Scottish heart. The Earl of Marr ! There's not a 
 nobler sound in Britain. 
 
 Tickler. Quite so, Hogg. But was there ever such beastliness as 
 Brougham's? Why, in seconding Peel's motion for dispensing with 
 the personal appearance of an old gentleman of near ninety in L<>nd<»n, 
 wdiat topic, think ye, does this glorious fellow dare to make the ground 
 on which he (Brougham) solicits the indulgence of Parliament \ Whv. 
 this — tlsat Mr. Erskine of Marr is distinguished for his liberal opin 
 ions! ! ! Egregious ptippv ! what had old Mart's politics to do with 
 the matter ? They are VVhig, and so much the worse for him ; but 
 conceive only the bad taste — the abominable taste — of this ffllow & 
 luo-o-ino- in the old man's whiggery as a recommendation of him to 
 the House of Commons, at the very moment when the House wjw 
 about to pass a bill conferring high honors on the old man— a bill 
 originating, no doubt, in the high pei-sonal feelings ^of ihf King, but 
 ttii'T owing its existence there to the support of the King's Tory minis- 
 ters. Such insolence is really below all contempt. I wonder Peel did 
 not give him a wipe or two in return. 
 
 Odoherty. The sulky insolent ! 
 
 Hoi/q. The born gowk ! 
 
 Tickler. For cool, rancorous, deliberate impudence, give me among 
 all Whigs, Brougham! Only think of his daring, after all that ban 
 happened, to sav one word in the House of Commons, when me tuj.!.- 
 before them referred, in any degree, however remote, to au act ut
 
 15C NOCTES AMEROSIAJSr^. 
 
 generous and raajrnanimous condescension of that monarch whom, on 
 the Queen's trial, he and his tiieud Deuinau daied to speak of as, we 
 can never fornret, they did !* 
 
 Odohcriy. I confess Brougham is a fine specimen. By the way, 
 what is all this piece of work about changes in your Scots Courts of 
 Law \ 
 
 Tickler. It is a piece of work originating in the by no manner of 
 means unnatural aversion of the Chancellor to a law of which he is 
 ignorant, and carrie<i on by the base and fawning tiattery (which he 
 should have seen through) of certain low Scotch Whigs, who, nourish- 
 ing the vile hope that, change once introduced, changes may be mul- 
 tiplied, are too happy to find, in the best Tory of England, their ally 
 in a plan which has for its real object the destruction of all that is 
 most dear and valuable to Scotland, and of course held and prized as 
 such by the Tories of Scotland. But the low arts by which the whole 
 aliair has been got up and got on — the absurdity of the proposed inno- 
 vations, and in particular, the pitiable imbecility with which the whole 
 real concerns of the Jury Court — i\ii\i job — are blinked — all these shall 
 ere long be exposed in a full, and, I hope, a satisfactory manner. I 
 shall demolish them in ten pages. Down — down — down sliall they 
 lie — never to rise again — or my name is not Timothy. 
 
 Odoherty. A letter to Jeffrey, I suppose ? 
 
 Tickler. Even so let it be. My word, I'll give him a dose. 
 
 Hogg. It's aye a pleasure to you to be paiking at him — I wonder 
 you're not wearied o't. 
 
 Tickler. I am wearied of it — but duty, Hogg, duty ! 
 
 Hogg. It's my duty to tell you, that the bottom of the bowl has 
 been visible this quarter of an hour. [Rings.) 
 
 ******* 
 • Afl " worse than the Roman Nero." — M.
 
 No. XVI.— i\ UGUST, 1824. 
 
 Odoherty.l^y tlie way, North, have you seen a little h.^.k InU-Ir 
 put forth by Hurst and Robinson, "On the Pi-esent Stat- of ti.e I'.ti- 
 odic-al l're.ss f The subject is worth your notice, I should tl.inlc 
 
 Aorth. Certainly, Ensisrn. I have considered th.^ .sul.j-.t pi-ttv 
 senously, I believe, and I have also seen the du...leeii„„ vuu m.-mioi, * 
 But I am not so well skilled in the rainutije of these atliiii-s jus to U 
 able to give any opinion as to its minute accuracv. 
 
 Odoherty. I don't mean to swear for all the particulars neither f.,r 
 I have only dipped into it; but it seemed to me that tiiere was an air 
 of credibility over what little I read of it. How did you find it as to 
 the Journals with which you are really acquainted \ 
 
 North. Really, I cannot pretend to be really acquainted with many 
 of them, Blackwood and the Quarterly are the only ones of the 
 gi'eater class that I always read ; and as for the papers, you know, I 
 have long been contented with the Courier, New Times," .Job n I'.ull, 
 and Cobbeit. I used to take the Chronicle while Jamie Pirie lived,f 
 and I took in the Examiner till his Majesty of Cockaigne went to 
 Italy. Of late I see none of these trash. 
 
 Odoherty. Pooh ! that's nonsense — you should see eveiy thing. 
 
 North. Sir, I can't read without spectacles now-a-days'; an<J I am 
 very well pleased to let Tickler read the Edinburgh and" We>tmiiister 
 for me, and you may do the same for me, if you have a mind, (juoad 
 the minor diurnals of the same faction. Cobbett I always must read, 
 because Cobbett always must write. I enjoy my Cobbett. 
 
 * This hroohure, published anonymously, was written by the late Robert Alexander, kt one 
 time connected with two scandalous Scottish papers, (T'/u' 7?'-«con, in Kilinhur)(!i, »n<l T"*." 
 S?ntin.pl, in Glasgow,) and afterwards successively editor of /"/ih//.Wji WfUrn I.. 
 in Exeter, tlie Watchman, in London, the London Morning Jdiirnnl, the l.irrrif 
 
 ard, and the Liverpool Mail. Alexander was conducting tlie Morniiuj Joarwit v, .. . , 
 
 liiigton and Peel astonished their own Tory party hy introducing and carrying llif C'lllmlir 
 Uelief Bill in 1S29. He was bitterly personal on the Ministry, for what he called tJitir 
 " treachery." His animadversions must have deeply galled them, for it wan deleruiinrij lo 
 prosecute him for libel, whenever a good casus belli should occur Alexander, who wim an. 
 dacious and imprudent, wrote an article accusing the Duke of Wellington of im inlenlion of 
 maliing himself Dictator, for the purpose o^' marrying his eldest son, liien 24, lo the |>rr»rlil 
 Queen Victoria, a cliild aged 11. For this he was tried, convicted, and iuipri-.onrd. Tlic re- 
 sult was the suppression of the Morning Journal. In IbJJ-i, he went lo Liverp.ml lo .■oiiilucl 
 a local paper called The Standard. In 1880, he commenced the Livrpool Mail, on wli ch he 
 co"ntinued until his death, in February, 1S6+, aged fifty-eight. .'!e was a Btrong. hiird-bittlnit 
 writer; a man of simple tastes; a faithful friend; a consistent politician; uiid cxUcud/ 
 fond of t)ie innocent prattle of cliildren. — M. 
 
 + James Perry, proprietor of the London Mor^ning Chroniclt, was • natiTe of Aberdeen, 
 and )t\3 original name was J'irie. — M.
 
 45S NOCTES AMBROSIAN^.K. 
 
 OiloJirrfi/. Surely, surely. But what tliinkye of the proposal which 
 this new scribe sets t'ortli i I mean his jrreat plan forhaviugthe duties 
 on the newspapers lightened? Wliat will Rohinson* say to that? 
 
 Xorth. I have very little doubt that the Chancellor of the Exchequer 
 will, in the course of a few sessions, bring in and carry through a bill 
 for this jHupose. It is the only way to level the ari-ogance of those 
 trreat a-thousand-tinies-over-be-cudgelled monsters — I mean the Old 
 Times and such like — the worst disgrace of the nation. 
 
 OJ<->)u'rty. It would do that, to be sure, with a vengeance ; but 
 would not the revenue get some sore slaps ? 
 
 jVorth. Not one cufl", [ honestly believe. These overgrown scampish 
 concerns are, at present, enabled to brave, not merely the intiuence of 
 government, for it is no evil, but a great good, that newspapers should 
 be independent of this — no, no, that is not what I think, of — but the 
 general imlignation of all honest men of all parties, the wide, the deep, 
 the universal scorn with which the whole virtue and sense of the Hritish 
 people regard the unblushing, open, avowed, acknowledged, even 
 boasted protiigacy, of some of those establishments. 
 
 Odohcrty. They are so to a certain extent, 1 admit; but, surely, the 
 little book exafjijferates their triumphs. 
 
 North. I don't know that, nor do I care for a few hundreds or 
 thousands, more or less. But this I am certain of, that if the duty ou 
 the advertisements were considerably lowered, and also the duty ou 
 the newspapers themselves, two consequences would infallibly be the 
 result. People would advertise in more papers than they do at pre- 
 sent, and people would take in more papers. These are clear and 
 obvious consequences, and from them I hold it scarcely less certain, 
 that two others would ensue. I mean, that an honest new paper 
 would contend on more equal terms with a dishonest olii one and that 
 the far greater number of advertisements published, and the far greater 
 number of newspapers circulated in the countiy, would more than 
 atone to the Exchequer for the loss Mr. Robinson might at lirst sight 
 apprehend, from a measure so bold and decided as that of strikiiig oti' 
 one-half of the newspaper tax, and of the tax on advertisements. 
 
 Odoherty. Which are 
 
 North. Threepence-halfpeimy on each copy of each newspaper — 
 and three and sixpence on every thing, however trilling, that assumes 
 the character of an advertisement, 
 
 Odoherty. I confess it appears a little hard to tax journals of one 
 sort so heavily, and journals of another sort not at all. Why not tax 
 a Mrigazine or a Review, as well ? 
 
 North. Certainly. The excuse is, that newspapers are carried post 
 age-free ; but this is, of course, quite inapplicable to the enormous pro- 
 
 * Frederick Robinson, then Chancellor of the Exchequer, and now Earl of Ripon. — M.
 
 LONDON NKWSPAPra.'S. j^a 
 
 portion of all pnpors dn-ulat.,! ox.-lusiv.ly in I..,,.!..,, a,..I i,K K«l.u,b. 
 -niul It IS far too nu.rh t„ make a man livinjr i,. H..„.| s,r. . 
 threepence-halfp.'nny,iii ,,nler that a man livin;,' in ili.-n,L„..^ 
 may ^rol Ins newspaper so much tliy clieapcr.* '" 
 
 Odo/u'Hf/. Viewed in one li^W.t it may s..,.,',, s„ ; |„„ .|., ,.,„ ,..., ^.,. 
 thepohrym those days of tiAi.iir to make ti.e I.r..vinr,.a.alanM. ll.« 
 ("•pital, by equah/.mo- their condition as to all such ihin.rs, in ko f«r <u 
 It IS by any means possible to do so? 
 
 JVorth. Very true too, sir. But I can U-W v.,u this, C),\„h,.rty thnj 
 T see very great danger m this same balancing and cnualizin-r v-'.u tnik 
 of, and nothing so hkely to meet the danger as the a.juptu.n of the 
 plan I am lauding. It is obvious, that the speedy convevan.M? of the 
 pai)ers published in the capital into every part of" the empiro, is grad- 
 ually enabling those who influence the politieal feelings of th'e capital 
 to influence also, and this almost in the same moment" of time, the f.n-l- 
 ings of the remotest provincial ists. Thus, in an.jther way to U- hur««, 
 London bids fair to become to Britain, what Paris has so I'ong been to 
 France; — and that London never can become, sir, witli<iiit tli.- wholo 
 character, not only of the Constitution, but of the nation, sntlrring an 
 essential and most perilous change. To cheek (he ilangi-r of this, i 
 again tell you, I see nothing lialf so likely, as the ailoj.tiun <.f a wlieine 
 which will at once deprive old hard delermined villany of its exclusive 
 means of lucre, and soon reduce all papers whatever under a decent 
 measure of subjection to the general opinion of decent society. Sir, 
 liad there been no three-and-sixpence duty on acJvertisements, tlie 
 thirty or forty traders who own the Times would not lia\e ilared to 
 meet together in a tavern, and decide by a vote, whether that already 
 infamous journal should, or should not, double its load of infamv, by 
 fighting the battle of the k te miserable Queeu.f This maximum op- 
 probrium had been spared. 
 
 * In 1824, upon every single newspaper there was a stamp which cost four p*nc*, (fifhl 
 cents,) less 2U percent, rliscount. At tha. time, there was a duty of three shilllii/* and •(«• 
 pence (S4 cents) upon each advertisement. A slight equiviilent for the iitanip-dii'y w«t 
 aflforded by allowing all newspapers to be carried, free of charge, throupli the pmi-nnSr.-. In 
 September, 1836, a remission of these duties, comnionly calk-d " Tax.s iipmi Km.mlr.lifr," 
 came into efTect. The newspaper duty was diminished to one penny (l»<> c-'" •• '■<rh 
 newspaper, and one cent for supplements. At the same time, the duly wa» r. i M 
 
 to 30 cents on each advertisement. In August, 1S53, the advuriitemeni di:'> "lljr 
 
 abolished, and the supplement stamp further reduced. As Thf TimrM lin« not ub.lcU lu 
 charges, it thus gains 36 cents ea-trit on each advertisement, and the reduction in the (Upplr- 
 nieiit duty has enabled it to extend its daily sale from 44,il(l() (beyond which It prcviomljr 
 
 could not" print, to sell at 10 cents each copy, without loss) to T3.i .which are it* nun>l»<ri at 
 
 the present date [July, 1S54]. These changes have put £10(..0(mI per annum . ■v- ■ - "• In 
 the treasury of The fiineii, inasmuch as it has wholly appropriated to il».-lf lli- i ■be 
 
 reduction legislatively intended for the public. All Itiitish newspapers contimi. 't^ 
 
 free by the post-office, but it is j.robable that the law will be further amend.-d, .o .t I" pr.»- 
 vide that newspapers which do -not pass through the post-olBce shall be uniit.imrr.1, anil Ibal 
 only those which arc so conveyed shall bear a penny stamp, or be charged with a penny 
 postage. — SL . ,.,„ ,,, Jb 
 
 + It was reported, and obtained many believer.-f, that, early m lS>2n. on th"- " 
 
 G-iorge IV., when a dilliculty appeared likely to ..rise about his wife, th,- proj. < 
 
 Itiites met and had a long discussion as to the part that journal should take ... -mf
 
 400 NOCTES A'NfBROSTAN.E. 
 
 Odoherty. I don't follow you exactly — wliy ? 
 
 Xorth. I cau't help it, if you can't sec what is to me as ])lainas any 
 nike-stati". A groom out of place advertises in only one paper, because 
 he can't afford to pay two three-and-sixpences to the King — make the 
 dutv onlv one shilling and ninepence, and he will give himself the 
 beuefit of two advertisements, and a clever lad is he if he tin<ls mean? 
 to patronize another paper as blackguard as the Times. iUu I take- 
 much wider ground than all this, sir. If the newspaper press, partic- 
 ularly the Sunday one, were as free and unshackled (I mean as to 
 Uixes) as every other press is, we could not see it so infinitely above 
 any other press that exists on the score of profligacy. We could nut 
 see it the daily, the hourly practice of a newspaper to take bribes, if 
 the bribers were, in consequence of a greater competition, compelled 
 to bribe many more than they at present have to do with. Thus, for 
 example, we should see no more of the scandalous subjection to the 
 interests of particular Stock-jobbers and brokers* — we should have no 
 more of those egregious lies which every day shows and detects — we 
 should have no more of those attacks on men who pay ten guineas next 
 day or next week, to have their characters vindicated. This most cry- 
 ing evil of open venality would at least be greatly, very greatly dimin- 
 ished. 
 
 Odohcrty. Well, I had rather see than hear tell of it, as Hogg's 
 phrase is. 
 
 North. You remember what Clement of the Observer did about the 
 trial of Thistlewood. The court prohibited in the most solemn manner 
 the publication of any part of the evidence, in any one of that batch 
 of trials, until the whole had been terminated. Mr. Clement was the 
 only one who disobeyed this. Well, he was ordered into court, and 
 fined £500 for the contempt — and what followed ? 
 
 Odoherty. I cau't charge my memory, i'faith, with such doings. 
 North. Why, he paid the money, and after he had done so, very 
 coolly informed the public, that he had not only paid the fine out of 
 the extra profits of the paper containing the ofi'ensive matter, but p^ut, 
 over and above, a very handsome sum into his own pocket.f This 
 was as it should be ! 
 
 Odoherty. Quite so. 
 
 contest. It was decided, by a mryority of one, that it would side with the Queen, which it did, 
 w-th great force and success, from the time her name was first mentioned in Parliament, in 
 February, 1S'20, until and after herde.itli in August, 1S21. — M. 
 
 * It has never been attributed to Tlie Times that it took advantage of its peculiar sources 
 of information for stock-jobbing purposes. On the contrary, the Monun<j Chruuicli', under 
 Sir Joljn Easthope, himself a member of the Stock Exchange, was strongly suspected as hav- 
 ing been used by him to bull or bear particular stocks as his interests required. — M. 
 
 t Mr. Clement sold over '2il0,(i00 copies of the Observer, with the report of Arlliur Thistle- 
 wood's trial for high tre.ison. Taking the nett profit on each nunibe' to be three cents, the 
 .■•nount would be £1250 on that single issue, (to say nothing of its actiiig as the very best 
 ■ dvertisement of the paper,) so ibat, by disobeying the order of the Court, he clca,'ed 
 C^W.— M. ^ '
 
 NEWSPAPliR STAMI'M ,„, 
 
 ■i'l I 
 
 .Vorth. The second part of my plat, w.ul.l, l.owovor, t.-ll muw n* 
 seven, y on many other quacks, as c. tlu- cpKuks of (ho Dally ,.,,.1 
 Week y papers. It it cost loss t.> advertise, ,n„,e w..„ld a.|v..rl.^o 
 ^ uur King Solomon would have hrollicrs i.oarer iIk- lhr..i... It, »|,urL 
 the thino: by bemg egTcgioasly overdone at the first would mmm. hm-I 
 eflectually correct itself. This is very wdl argued in Dr. liti].. U..k 
 you have tablt^d. 
 
 Odohertij. Be it so. ]'.ut things will go on in the .,ld wav notwuh- 
 standing. To tell you the truth, 1 skipp.-d all that allair at on.-e a« 
 unquesti'.nable balaam. What I looked to was the individual lii»iory 
 of tlie ditterciiit Journals — their coni])arative saK-s, etc. «.tc. ite. 
 
 North. All which, much distrusting, I scarcely gave one irlanco to 
 
 Oc/oAeWy. Distrusting? Why? h • 
 
 North. Why ? for this simple reasoti, sir, that there is no mean* of 
 ascertaining the actual sale of any one newspaper in existence. Thev 
 themselves, to be sure, pretend, that, when they refer you to the Stamp 
 Office, which will prove incontestably the issuing of so many thousiind 
 stamps, for such and such a paper, it is impossible for anv man in hiit 
 senses to doubt that that number of the Times, the Cliroiii'rlc, or what- 
 ever it be, was actually distributed among the British public on the 
 day alleged. But this is all the merest bam. The fact, sir, is— and I 
 know it — that it is the daily custom of the Loudou papers to .s«-nd and 
 pay for a vast number of stamped sheets more than they want. Some 
 provincial paper or other is happy to make use of their surplus j)aj>er, 
 provided the London office will only save them the trouble of having 
 a separate agent of their own in town, to get their .stamps for them. 
 One paper, one of the principal proprietors of which confes.sed the fart 
 to me t'other day, supplies regularly no less than fifteen ditieivnt pro- 
 vincial prints with their stamped paper in this way : but, although I 
 did not exactly put that question, it cannot be doubted the whole ag- 
 gregated sale of the said fifteen is made to figure as part and jiareel of 
 the circulation of my friend's own concern, in the yearly or Jialt-y early 
 statements thereof, which you are in the habit of staring over.* 
 
 Odohcrty. All this is, I confess, news to me. So you believe notliing, 
 then, of the statements they all do put forth ? 
 
 North. Nothing ; unless I luippen to know of my own knowledge, 
 that the property and management of the paper (for I don't sjK-ak at 
 present of either of these taken separately) are united in the hands of 
 a man above having any connections with the piomulga;ion of any 
 
 * No doubt this was done, and thus a fictitious circrlation was elainicd by nome \>»x>*Tt. To 
 rrevent tliis, a series of new dies came into use, iu September, 1886, by which 'Vvry "«"»• 
 paper stamp bore the name of the particular journal on wliich it was placed. Thl» rnaUrd 
 the Stamp Office to make an annual return of the nuinl.cr of stamp'* uctually taken out by each 
 newspaper. After such return had been issued for years, causing perpeiuni di.putc" vooBf 
 rival journals, as to " comparative circulation," it was complaiucd of ua too in<jui»iU.rUl, aad 
 has appeared only once during a long period. — M.
 
 4():>, NOCTES AMBROSlAxV.E. 
 
 f;ilsel,tT(xI on any sulijoct whatever. Such a man as Stoddart or Mnd- 
 turd, tor example; — nobody believes they would lie for any thing, far 
 It^jss for this sort of filth. 
 
 Odohertij. Certainly not. By tlie by, now you mention it, I was 
 tliunderstiuc-k to find it laid down distinctly, that the total number of 
 political journals circulated in the British islands has trebled — yes, 
 trebled, within the last forty years. 
 
 North. Xo wonder. The American Revolution — the French Revo- 
 lution — Bona})arte — Wellington — the stream of events, and the im- 
 mense increase of readers of every thing else — when you take this into 
 view, no wonder at the increase about the newspapers. 
 
 Odoherty. I suppose nobody ever heard of such editions of even the 
 best books a hundred yeai's ago, as we now daily hear of. 
 
 North. No; not at all. In Pope's time, sir, 500 copies was a great 
 edition — you will find this taken for granted in all the books of the 
 time. Even in Dr. Johnson's time, 750 was reckoned a very largo 
 edition of the most popuhr book, by the most popular author of his 
 day. Even twenty years back, things were in a totally ditlerent con- 
 dition from what we are now accustomed to. What would any binly 
 have said to an edition of 10,000 or 12,000 of a new novel ? What 
 would any body have said to a review selling 12,000 or 14,000 regu- 
 larly eveiy number, as I believe the Quailerly has done, for several 
 years back? Sir, this business ha^ progressed in the most astonishing 
 ratio. 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, i'faith, and nobody has more reason to rub his hands 
 thereupon than yourself. 
 
 North. So — well, well, let that pass — now that your cigar is out, 
 pray have the kindness to unlock the balaam-box here, and let's see 
 what's to go on ; for the 12th drawelh on, and my heart panteth for 
 Brae-mar. 
 
 Odoherty. And that's what I will do, my hearty ; and many's the 
 time we have done more for each other before this night was born. 
 Here, give me the key ; you always keep it at your watch, I think. 
 
 North. There it is ; take care of my grandmother's repeater ; — 'tis 
 the little queer-looking fellow, with the B. B. B. B. woven in cipher 
 upon it. 
 
 Odoherty. What, four B's ? 
 
 North. Yes. Bailie — Blackwood's — Balaam — Box. 'Tis his box, 
 von know, — becausje, according to our friend's verses lontj ao-o, out of 
 f-very one of these bunches it is highly probable 
 
 " Our worthy Publisher purloins a few 
 About his roastiug-inutton shanks to screw " 
 
 Odoherty. Here's something in old T'ckler's fist- -shall we bcfdn 
 wiJi c /erhau'iug that lad ?
 
 TICKLElt ON MACKINTOSH. 
 
 4«;3 
 
 North. Cei-tuinly. Does lie mean to stay all the Riimnipr in l)ul.Iiii, 
 I wonder ? Kead liim, Morgan. 
 
 \lohcrty {reads). " Letters of Timothy Tickler, F^q.. t(. Eminoni 
 Literary Cliaracters, NunilHir — to Sir Jjmie.s Markiutosh, Kill., 
 
 late Recorder of Bombay " 
 
 JVorth. WJiat? what? what? Sir Jamie again ? 
 
 Odoherty. Pooh I don't be alarmed — one\vould have thought vou 
 bad seen Parr's wig or Gerald's ghost, or the Honassus ramj.ant— 'tis 
 only a letter to Sir Jamie, I perceive, alxmt his articles on Ihodic's lli*. 
 tory, and Croker's edition of the Suffolk Papers, in the hist E^jinburgh 
 He view. 
 
 North. Come, that's rather too much, Timolheus. 1 thougin .le had 
 sufficiently squabashed those two concerns in one of his late ell'u.sii»ii.H 
 to Jeffrey, lint read on. 
 
 Odohirty Excuse me — 'tis a cursed small hand — I see it begins a« 
 usual with a philippic anent things in general — "l>urke" — "I'itl" — 
 " Gibbon"—" Hume"—" Brodie''— " Charles"—" Colonel Harrisou," 
 — ay, ay, we may hop over a little of this ground. " Your last XuiiiImm-, 
 sir," — here we are more likely to have something — "Flagrant" — " eu- 
 lumnious" — Pooh! pooh! what a pother about nothing! Come, 
 here's something in double column, and one half in red ink, I swear. 
 Listen to him here. North — (reads) — "It may be thought that tho 
 trivial punishment I have already inflicted on your criti(|Ue was as 
 much as the affair merited. It may be so, veiy probably. But it so 
 happens, sir, that you have to do with a queer old gentleman, three- 
 fourths of whose library is made up of old books, and one-half of whose 
 time is spent in hunting up and down among them in quest of matters 
 nearly as insignificant as the party spleen of an Edinburgh Itevicwtr, 
 or the historical accuracy of a Sir James Mackintosh." (Jome, Timo- 
 thy gets prosy. 
 
 "North. Let me hear the double column part of it. 
 
 Odoherty. Oh ! it is infernally long — I haven't wind for it, really. 
 
 North. A specimen, then — corrections of Sir James's corrections .xs 
 to matters of fact, I presume ? 
 
 Odoherty. Exactly— ay, he puts the sentence of blue and yelluw on 
 the first column, and his own in red ink opposite to it. Ha ! I soo 
 where he had begun to write with a new pen. I can make him out 
 here, I believe — here goes, then. 
 
 Thus reciteih and corrrcteth Sir J. To which rcspoml'th Timolht, Tickler, 
 Mackintosh, Knt. ^"I- 
 
 " Henry Grey, only Duke of Kent, The Duke of Kent .li.-,l tl.e 6lii 
 
 died in lUO;'/or which read 1741. June, 1740. See U.a.lon Mau'a/ai.o for 
 
 ■' 1740, p. 3C1, and Gent ilag. for 1 (40, 
 
 p. 314. 
 
 Noi th. Very well, Timothy !— Go on.
 
 ■iiU 
 
 NOCTES AMBROSIAN^. 
 
 Odoherty. 
 
 Sir Jamie again. 
 "Ilor eldest son, (George,) afier- 
 wurils second Lord liervey." There 
 tPttK John, KinsT I^orJ Ilerverj, after- 
 wards created Earl of Bristol. C'arr, 
 SECOND Lord Hervei/, his eldest son. 
 John, THIRD Lord IIeri:ei/, his second 
 son ; consequenthi Ladij Herveys son, 
 George, was the kuuktii Lord liervey. 
 
 North. Well liit again, Tim. 
 Odoherty. At it again, boys. 
 
 Sir James I 
 " Leonel, seventh Earl, and first 
 Duke of Dorset, died iu 1765." — For 
 1765, readllGZl 
 
 To which again Timothcus. 
 
 TI)ese four Lord llorvcys did nail J 
 exist, and yet the editor of Lady 8uf 
 folk's Letters is right, and the critic 
 egregioiisl}' wrong. ^ 
 
 John, first Lord Hervey, so created 
 in 17li3, was created Earl of Bristol 
 in 1711. Ilis eldest son. Can-, was 
 only a commoner, called Lord liervey 
 by courtesy. ISo was liis second son 
 John for many j-eai-s ; but in 1733, 
 the latter was created a peer, (see 
 Coxe,) by the title of Lord Hervey, 
 and on his death, (old Lord Bristol 
 being still alive,) his son George be- 
 came the second peer of the creation 
 of 1733, and on Lord Biistol's deatii, 
 he bicame also the second i)eer of the 
 creation of 1703. So that the critic 
 is doubly wrong; and without anj' 
 excuse; for all these facts maj' be 
 gathered from the editor's notes, as 
 well as from the Peerages. 
 
 Soidhside ! ! ! 
 The Duke of Dorset died 9th Octo- 
 ber, 1705. See London Magazine, p. 
 598, and Gentleinaii's Magazine, p. 
 49L 
 
 Odoherty. Round fourtli ! 
 
 The Recorder. 
 " Lord Scarborough put a period to 
 his existence iu 1739." — For 1739, 
 read 1740. 
 
 Longshanks ! ! ! 
 This is not mere inaccuracy on the 
 part of the oi'ilic ; it is iifnorance. lie 
 has forgotten that \\\(f style was not yet 
 changed, and Lord Seari>oroiigh died 
 on the 4th February, 17.S9, old style. 
 
 North. A facer ! — Does lie come to time ? 
 Odoherty. Round fifth. Here tliey go. 
 
 Jem I 
 " The Great Lord Mansfield died on 
 the 20th of March, 1793, in the eighty- 
 eighth year of his age." — Lord Mans- 
 field was born on the 'Id March, 1705, 
 and was therefore in the eighty-nintu 
 year of his age. 
 
 Tim 1 ! I 
 
 I have already laughed at the value 
 and importance of this correction, 
 if it even were one ; but unfortunately 
 the erudite critic again fortrets the 
 change of the style. March, 1705, old 
 style, would be March, 1706, new style; 
 so that Lord Mansfield seems to have 
 wanted some few days of completing 
 his 88th year.
 
 EOBEET r.Loo:\rFn:r.n. /,;- 
 
 North. Enough enough, man; such error, nn-l su,.li corronion, 
 are m themselves wlioUv inconsi.lerahlc, a.,.] nut w.,ril, ||„. ,„.,i<-i. .,f a 
 pipc-stapple. It was ridiculous eiioiin-l, to see a s..|,.,ini iark-iKs h,.| 
 about such amendments; but to lind that his grave ainr„.|„u.nt. «... 
 in tact, liagrant blunders, is as cuiieal as any ilii„.r i„ Mailit-Wh's 
 Aniencan judge. Ikit we have other lish (o fry. Jul^t mil Ti.nolhv 
 into my portfolio, and see what comes to hand ni-xt. 
 
 OdoherUj. "Kemains of Robert liioomHeld." Av, poor fellow' 
 there was one genuine poet, though of the lowlv l.n-cd'.' 
 
 North. He was so, indeed, Odoherty. I tlunight that book woul.l 
 Se tound m the box ; for I had a letter not long ago mentioning tho 
 tning from his family. They sent me, by the way, most of the j.ro.,f. 
 sheets of the book, and a specimen of his handwriting. Should you 
 bke to see it ? " ' 
 
 Odoherty. Not I; give it to D'Israeli. lie, you recollect, is one, 
 not of the Bumpologists, but of the Fistologists ; he will take it (piite 
 as a compliment. 
 
 North. I dare say they have sent him another letter and sprcini.>n 
 of the same cut already. You must table your coin on this occasion, 
 Odoherty. IJloomfield, from no fault of his own, has died poor, and 
 left a worthy and amiable family in rather dependent condition.* 
 You must take a few copies of the llemains at all ev^-nts. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, as neither you nor I have any young ladies to pm 
 to school, I don't know in what other way we can do any thing tor 
 Bloomfield's daughters. Well, put me down. Editor. 
 
 North. I will, sir ; but there is no school in the ca-<e. Miss Hannah 
 Bloomtield, indeed, wishes to have a situation as a musical teacher in 
 some respectable family ; and as she is evidently, from what appear^ in 
 these very volumes, possessed of very considerable musical tjiste and 
 skill, I trust the worthy daughter of such a man will not be long in 
 getting the establishment she wishes. The whole family Lave Xmvn 
 brought up, I well know, in the most exemplary manner; as indeed 
 what else could any body expect from the paternal solicitude of a man 
 whose native strength of mind kept him at all times superior to tlio 
 manifold temptations with which his lot natuially suriounded him, 
 and who, in every line he wrote, showed himself the friend of viilue J 
 Sir, we have had but few real poets from this chiss of pople ; and, 
 alas ! fewer still, who, hke Bloomtield, adhered steadily to the virtuous 
 feelings of their lowly youth, when circumstances luul intrcMlucod liitn 
 to the dazzle and bustle of the upper world. 1 honor the memory- of 
 Robert Bloomtield. 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, he was always one of your fiivorites. I K-e they 
 have printed here your pretty verses on his death — this is right, too— 
 
 * Robert Bloomfield. author of " Ttie Farmer's Boy," a rural poem of frf«« "•'",•'''"' 1" 
 1823, aged fifty-seven. The latter part of his life was clouded with poverty and dgecUon.-«. 
 
 Vol. I.— 32
 
 466 NOCTES AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 and some verses of Montgomery's also, which I now recollect to have 
 seen somewhere before. 
 
 Xorth. In the Sheffield Ins, probably— or AL-iric Waifs' Leeds In- 
 telligencer — wliich, by the way, is a paper of very high mei-it in a 
 literarv point of view"; indeed the best of all the literary (iazettes.* 
 
 Odoherty. Liteiary Gaz..-ttfs ! — ^^■hat a ruuij.iis all thai fry have 
 been keeping up about Miss Landon's poetry — the Iniprovisatrice, 1 
 mean. 
 
 North. Wliv, I always thought you had been one of her greatest 
 atlniirers, Odoherty. Was it not you that told me she was so very 
 handsome ? — A perfect beauty, I think you said. 
 
 Odoherty. And I said truly. She is one of the sweetest little girls 
 in tlie world, and her book is one of the sweetest little books in the 
 world ; but Jerdan's extravagant trumpeting has quite sickened every 
 body ; and our friend Alaric has been doing rather too much in the 
 same fashion. This sort of stuff plays the devil with any book. 
 Sajipho ! and Corinna, forsooth ! Proper humbug ! 
 
 North. I confess you are speaking pretty nearly my own senti- 
 m.Mits. I ran over the book — and I really could see nothing of the 
 originality, vigor, and so forth, they all chatter about. Very elegant, 
 liowing verses they are — but all made up of Moore and Byron. 
 
 Odoherty. Nay, nay, when you look over the Improvisatric* again, 
 I am sure you will retract this. You know very well that I am no 
 great believer in female genius ; but nevertheless, there is a certain 
 feminine elegance about the voluptuousness of this book, which, to a 
 certain extent, marks it with an individual character of its own.f 
 
 North. I won't allow you to review this book, my dear Standard- 
 
 * The SUfffleld Iris, and the Leeds Intelligencer, then edited by James MontRoniery and 
 Alaric W;itts, were somewliiit literary in 1S2-1, when no other provincial newspapers ever con- 
 tained an original critique upon a new book. It is different now, and there now is nearly as 
 much talent, comparatively speakiiig, on the British provincial press, as there is on the Lon- 
 don press. James Montgomery thoufrht so well of his shorter literary articles in the She^eld 
 Iris, that he collected them, in two volumes, as " Prose by a Poet." — M. 
 
 + Odoherty very much flattered L. E. L., when he allowed North to describe her as " very 
 handsome," and " a perfect beauty." She narrowly escaped being a dowdy. Her figure was 
 pitite, her manner natural and impulsive, her voice sweet and low, (" an e.xcellent thing in 
 women," if tliey would only recollect it !) and her whole bearing was that of a child-vvnnian, 
 (she was twenty-two in IS'J-t, and looked seventeen,) deliglited witli society, anil feelins hound 
 to ple:ise. (iraceful in motion — charming in repose, — yet by no means haiulsoini;, — .^liss 
 L:indi>ii was about the last person on earth wliom, meeting in a ilra wing-room, you wnuld sus- 
 pect 01 authorship. Vet she composed poetry rapidly as her own Iiiiprovitiatrice — writing her 
 verses, scarcely ever witli an emendation, in her small, neat, ui)right, old fashioned ii.iiid. 
 Qurck, lively, and epigrammatic in conversation as she was, I never saw any woman, save 
 cne. — and she is the loveliest, in mind or person, whom I have ever known, — who was so soli- 
 citous to avoid scandal and mere gossip. " Letty Landon," as she used to like to be called. 
 Was the safest person in the World to whom a young autlior might speak of what he had in hia 
 niiiid to do, for her human sympathies were large, her judgment far riper than ler years, and 
 litr grasp of mind vigorous and extended. Tell her the plot of a story, or the id -a of a pnem, 
 and. at once, she would suggest how one miglit be belter evolved in action, how the other 
 might be e.xalted by particular treatment. — M. [On going ovt-r this note again, at the last 
 moment, willi tlie press — which, like time and tide, waits for no man — rattling in my ears, I 
 i\m conscious that I have not done /nil justice to L. E. Landon. Said I that she was not beauti- 
 ful? iJ'cst rrai — but there is a beauty far bej'ond and far above mere loveliness of feature. 
 There it the beauty of Expression, and if ever inortal possessed it, Letitia Laudun did. It id
 
 JAMES GTLRAT. , .■> 
 
 hearer, for I perodve you are l.alf in love with tl.o ,lan.sc.l concen....!. 
 and under such cnrcumstances, a cool an<l dis,.;.>si,.nato ostin-ai.. U 
 what nobodv could be expected to give-l.-.ast .,f all v..,,, v-.u rcd-hut 
 monster of Munster. 
 
 Odo/ierti/. No abuse, my old 15ulIy-R.>ck ! 
 
 A^orth. Nay, 'tis you that must he called Hullv-R...-k mow- .„ j 
 sui>pose you acknowledge the "Munster Farmer" "now I.,' hi> l.ut an- 
 other of yoiii aliases. I knew you at the first pag.;, man* No draw- 
 ing of sti'aws before so old a cat. 
 
 Odoherty. The book is mine, sir. I need keep no socreU from 
 
 vou. 
 
 North. Gad-a-mercy ! I now for the first time begin to susfK-.-t 
 that yon had nothing at all to do with it. 
 
 Odoherty. Even as you please, most worshipful. Thes,> tritk* do 
 not affect me or my equaniinitv. 
 
 North. Impenetrable, imperturbable brazen face !— Hut gi-t on. inan. 
 
 Odoherty. My eye! heie's Gilray Redivivus. Ilere^s tlij firvt 
 number of the reprint of his caricatures; you must put on your sim'c- 
 tacles, now, Mr. Christophei-. 
 
 North. All ! and that I will, my hearty. Well, this was really w.-ll 
 thought on. AVhat a pity (hat these things should have been sinking 
 into the great gulf! lla ! ha! the old paper-nioncv coucfrns on<-o 
 inore ! Here's Sherry ipsissimus, " Don't take tin- n'ot.'s, John Hull ; 
 nobody takes notes now-a-days; they won't even take mine !" llow 
 good this view of the fine old sinner's phiz is — and Charlie, too, with 
 his cockade tricolor ! Well, these days are over. 
 
 Odoherty. What a capital Pitt! — The pen behind the ear, and all I 
 — And John Bull, too — why, Liston never sported a better grii.- 
 Tiirn over — ay, ay, this will do. 
 
 North. "The Broad-bottomites cfetting into the grand costume!" — 
 Long live the immortal memory of 1806. Glorious Charlie I in what 
 ;<, pother you are shaving ! — Illustrious Lansdowno ! in what maj«'sty 
 dost thou strut ! — Profound Ego ! what gravity is in thy selt-adoratiou! 
 — Oh dear ! oh dear ! — That face of Lord Henry Petty and that toe 
 — they are enough to kill a horse! 
 
 Odoherty. This grand one of old George, with Bony on his hand, — 
 bow vividly it recalls to my memory the laughter of the years that 
 were ! Ilang it! if I were to live a hundred years, I should never see 
 any new thing to affect me in the same manner, llow intensely fa- 
 miliar we all were made with the honest, open, welldarded cuunte- 
 
 mournful to think of her as she was when first I saw her, in 1S23, ftnil know that, in ten y»«ri 
 from that time, she was lying, far away, in a prave in Africa. In l>'J-«. wln-ri »li<- »»« "lb* 
 life, grace, and ornament of society," one would sc.fcely iiavebeen ex(ravafriini In aiiti.->j«t. 
 ins that one so gifted and so courted would have worn a coronet, and Ix-irn th.- niothi-r "' • 'in* 
 of noliles, whose ancestral glories would have be.ii illumined l>y her w..ndrc.u« Keniu«.-M.J 
 
 • •' Captain Rock Uetected, by a Munster Farmer," was a reply, somewhat hc«»jr aud lurj- 
 beriug, from the pen of the Rev. Mortimer O'SulUvan.— M.
 
 4C)^ NOCTKS AMBROSIAN.E. 
 
 nnnro of Goorrrius Tertius! AVhat a solemn, faflu'ilv suavilv in nis 
 ijoi^glinLj oyes I How reverend liis bob-niMJor ! how grand his bhio 
 ribbon ! how ample his paunch I AVhat a sweet in-falling of the chin- 
 lioiiest old cock ! 
 
 A^orth. Excellent monarch ! Pater patriie truly, if ever there was 
 one. Here, again, is a veiy worthy one; one of Gilray's very best 
 things, Odoherty. Behold Nap, en gingerbread baker, thrusting a 
 new batch of pie-crust kings into his oven. Ye glorious Josephs, 
 Jeromes, Louises ! — where are ye all now ? — quite chop-fallen ! — Ba- 
 varia ! Wirtemburg ! Baden! — Ah! Morgan, what queer times these 
 were, my man ! 
 
 Odoherty. Indeed they were, old royster ; and may they that wish 
 for the like of them tind the short cut to Gehenna, say I. We have 
 no political caricaturist now-a-days, North.* 
 
 North. Why, (ieorge Cruikshank does many things better; and 
 yet it is impossible to deny great merit to many of his things about 
 the time of the Queen's row. Alderman AS''ood was quite a hero for 
 the pencil, and her Majesty was such a heroine.f Of late he, or who- 
 evei' feeds the shop windows, has fallen otf s-'dly. The whole batch 
 of the Battier concerns was deplorably stup; J:, and as for the Windsor- 
 Park sketches, saw ye ever such a leaden, laborious dulness of repeti- 
 tion ? 
 
 Odoherty. Pooh ! they're very well fitted to the time. Party spiiit 
 is very cool at present, and you would not have the party caricatures 
 to be very pointed when th.-it is the case. No, no, the public are 
 taken up with other things. North. 
 
 North. True, Morgan ; and, moreover, the great circulation lately 
 of exquiMte engravings of scenery among us shows decidedly a new 
 and more polished sort of taste spreading among the people. Why, 
 you cannot go into a pnnt-shop now-a-days without seeing a whole 
 swarm of new works coming out in numbers, any one leaf of which 
 would have been looked on as a real wonder some dozen or ten years 
 back. There's llugh Williams's Greek Engravings, now, have you 
 seen those ? 
 
 Odoherty. To be sure I have ; i'faith they are worthy of the drawings 
 themselves, and that is compliment enough. Gad ! what a fine thing 
 we should have thought it, when we were young lads at our classics, 
 to be able to get such divine views of all the scenes the old ones said 
 and sung about, for such a mere trifle of money. The engraving of 
 the Tombs of Plataia ! Well, I really had no notion that tlie etiect of 
 
 • James Gilray, the best caricaturist England has yet produced — for H. B. gave actual 
 rather than burlesque portraits — died in ISl.*). — M. 
 
 t Cruiksliuiik's sketches of (Jiieen Caroline were admirably done. They represented her tn 
 hon /join', as a rnyal lady of fifty nii};ht easily be ; but they did not give her bold Klance, nor 
 her imperious frown, nor her JoUi/ face. Their merit consisted in what they did not iiiui- 
 cat* — M.
 
 GKKCIAN Wir.I.IAMS. ,,y„ 
 
 that most ori,idu:a and uudo.<,Til,aI,l.. wo.k of ,.,l <-,„|.l l„.ve U.„ „ 
 nearly given m black and white, tu say nmln,,.. ,,r ,1 .,( ri^u^ij^ 
 
 iV'oWA. There are many others of lU-^nus i...t a whu U^ ;„• 
 mo;. One, ot the Temi-Ie of Jupiter I'anh.-llenius in !■ -:- 
 huly struck me— and Thel.es! faitli, I h,.|it.v,. t|,at is " 
 very chef-dVi.uvre. ]iut, iK-rhaps, yuu d..i.'t know, ( »dohertv hIiuI ii 
 one ot my chiefest dcli-l.ts wlicu 1 hjnk ..wr this work- and ih.t i. 
 neither more nor less than this, sir, tliat Wiihaius has had all hi« m- 
 l^iavincrs done by nafve artists, and younjr, v.-ry voun- on.« nimllv. 
 Nir, these things may sliow tlieinselves by the side of ih.- v.-ry U^. 
 London can pro.hice. Tiie fortunes of "lloisbuig and .MiJI.'r ai.i 
 made; for, as to James Stewart, he, you kn..w, \va> u|. lonL' ennu^h 
 before tins job. His engraving of Allan's last picture is a giana 
 thing. I never saw an ailist who showed greater l.-iet iu prci^ervinL' 
 the minutiae of his painter's peculiar touches,' 
 
 Odnhcriy. Stewart is a fine handy lad, and a very hkhI.-hI one, too. 
 So gjHxl luck to him, — and here's a bumper to Williams.* 
 
 North. Welshman though he be, he is an lionor u> Scotia— hern 
 he goes. Uis Views of Athens will live as long a.s her memory. 
 
 " Sliall I unmoved behold the hallow'd scene 
 Wliich others rave of, thoui^h thi y know it not! 
 Tliouirh here no more Apollo hunnt iiis grot, 
 And thou, the Muses' seat, art now their grave — 
 Some gentle spirit still pervades the 8|>ot, 
 Sighs in the gale, kee])s sileiiee in the eave, 
 And glides with glassy foot o'er yoi\ melodious wave I" 
 
 Odoherty. Byron ! — hum ! 
 
 North. Come, come, none of your sneers. ITugh "Williams's prints 
 are certainly the best illustrations any one can bind up with livron'a 
 poems. Others give you views, caricatures, (call them a.s you will,) 
 
 * Like Sir William Allan, Williams had lived much in foreipn lands, nnd llluiitr»lrd for^'m 
 Bubjects by his pencil. After travelling in Creecc and Ualy for some years, he flxwl h 
 dence in Edinburgh, in 1818. Lockhart, speakinp of his views in CSreccc, »«y«, " II i« ' 
 I may be wrong in confessing it, — it is tliere, among the scattered pillars of Thchi - • ■ 
 —or in full view of all the more glorious remains of more glorious Atheni— or I. 
 the ivied or mouldering arches of Delphi, quite up through the mountain inl-" ' r 
 
 summits of Parnassus, and the far-off windings of the Castalian hrooli— ii 
 footsteps of men appear to have st:tMiped a gianiler sanctity even on tin- ■ : 
 
 forms of nature It is there that Williams seems first to have felt, nnd it i' • 
 
 of these glorious scenes, that .. jiyself have been sensible of feeling the »l i 
 
 awfulness of the works of the Creator — 
 
 'All this magnificent effect of nower, 
 The earth we tread, the sky which wc behold 
 By day, and all the pomp which nighl reveals.' " 
 
 A v!ew of Atl ens, and another of Castri, were greatly praised by b-. .i...ri, m lxl» who 
 predicted, what was speedily accomplished, that Williams would take • hif li pl»c« u • l»n«l- 
 euape painter - M.
 
 [-Q NOCTES ASrCKOSIAN^. 
 
 of his persocaijes, more or less happy, but this is nothiiio:. \\'illi:iin9 
 has heen, like tlie poet, inspired by the sky, the mountains, the ruins 
 of (ireeoe. au<l the kindred stamp of their inspir^ition looks you in the 
 iMc-e whichever way you turn among their works. 
 
 Odohertij. I was glad to see the pnnts were so small, for this was 
 the purpose I at once thought of turning them to. 
 
 North. Upon the same principle I take Thomson of Dudding- 
 slon's Fast Castle to be the finest and most satisfactory accompani- 
 u.ent for the story of Lammermoor — and Nasmyth's Old IMison of 
 Edinburgh stands ditto, ditto, for the Heart of Mid-Lothian.* 
 
 Odohertij. I wish Williams would give us a series of his Italian 
 things too — and particularly his Sicilian ones — for Agrigontum and 
 Syra'cuse are, after all, less known to most people than any other old 
 places of any thing like the same interesting character. 
 
 North. People may rail about boyish tastes, and what not, as long 
 as they have a mind. I confess I like a book all the better for its 
 being 'illustrated. Perhaps 'tis my imagination cooling, Ensign ; but 
 there, for example, was Basil Ilall's book about South America: I 
 confess I would fain have had a few cuts of his San Martins, O'llig* 
 ginses, and the rest of them. 
 
 Odohcrty. And I own I should have liked to see what sort of a 
 figure old Cochrane cuts in his outlandish riggery. lie was a rum 
 oue enough in that long blue tog, and low-browed, broad-brimmed 
 castor, as we used to see him lounging about town. 
 
 North. By si.'ine accident I never saw Lord Cochrane in my life, 
 He is a noble fellow — mad, of course — but that's what he can't help, 
 
 Odoherty. Was it madness that dished him ! 
 
 North. Certainly, the only thing that dished him was the denying 
 of the hoax, in the way he did, in the House of Commons. Had ho 
 stood firm on his feet, ami said what was God's truth, that he was a 
 sailor, and not a moral philosopher; and that if he had acted wrong, 
 his error consisted merely in doing cleverly and successfully what 
 thousands both of the most holy saints and the most honorable sin- 
 ners in the land were trying to do every day ; if he had stood up with 
 a bold face, and spoken plain common sense after this fashion, I should 
 like to know who would seriously liave thought a pin the worse of 
 him, at least for n?.ore than a week or two.f Not I, lor one. But the 
 
 * Alexander Nasmyth, in 1824, was the venerable fattier of landscape painting in Scotland. 
 Lockhart said, " There is a delightful sweetness in the old man's pencil, and assuredly there 
 is in it as vet no want of vigor." The best portrait of Itobert Burns was painted by Nasmyth. 
 This fine old man died in 'iS4n, aged eighty-three. His son Peter, who settled in London at 
 the age of twenty, and had won the honorable title of " The English Hobbiraa," died in 1331. 
 
 t Lord Cochrane, who had entered the British Navy at an early age, distinguished himself 
 by his exploits in the war with France, particularly in the Basque Roads, for which he wars 
 created Knight of the Bath, was very popular on his return to London, and was elected 
 member for Westminster. In February, 1^14, he was accused of being concerned in a Stock- 
 Exchange scheme, intended to raise the funds by spreading simultaneous reports of Napoleon s
 
 LORD COCIIKANK. ,,, 
 
 ■1 ( I 
 
 U-uih k that every one thin- ho ever did i„ ,l,is ,.„„„rv afi-r I... !.. 
 
 Odohert;/ WeU 't.s ucky he has got int.. a ualk. vvl...r... wl.at ^..u 
 ar.. pleased to call madness, does better tl.an all ilu- wiml..,,, in -.l,.. 
 world would do. Wdl he ever come horn., a-ain think v ' 
 
 ^'■orth. I don't know. Many que.-r sto, i.sl.rt goin-^^ ahout. .^.m... 
 say he has clone things about the English shipping that w..uld h.„.l 
 inm inextncably in lawsuits if he showed his m^ here Otlu-n. 
 again, maintain that he has arranged all these eon.vrns of hit., a.ul 
 that It would be nothing strange if he should be s<mmi paradin.' V«ll- 
 Mall within tins twelvemonth.* For my part, 1 know nothinAf thu 
 matter. Captain lluU could tell, no doubt. 
 
 Odoherty. Ay, ay ; but Hall was a great deal too knowin-r to i.ll 
 hah what he knew about some of those folks in his bfM)k. " 
 
 ^^"(^-^th. To be sure lie was; and, in parti.-ular. I have h.'ard thai 
 his MS. Journal could furnish a very extraordinarv I.iindle of ( 'o.-hraii- 
 lana, over and above what the book sets forth. Well, we can't qnar- 
 rei with this reserve. 
 
 Odoherty. Bless your soul, I quarrel with nothing. I think Hall's 
 book is a perfect model in its way. Great art in both the wh..lo- 
 speaking part of it, and the half-speaking. 
 
 death. He was indicted for complicity herein, in June, ISU, convicted, pcntcncrd lo i>Und In 
 tlie pillory, opposite the Royal Kxcliauge, for an hour, to be imprisoned for twlv.- ni..i,ihf. 
 and to pay a line of £1000. All his etlorts to obtain a new trial were in vain. On July Sih. » 
 motion for his e.xpulsion from the House of Commons was carried by a (iiiiiiUlernil) ni.y.,ril». 
 On the 16th, he was re-elected. Tile indignity of pultinp him in the pillory W!i» whIvm) \,j ih« 
 (Jovcrnmeut. Soon after, he was solemnly turned out of the KniKhtly Order of the It itli. <ii>a 
 deprived of liis rank in the Navy. After hiivinf? been some time in i>ri-.pn, In- <'.,-.ip.d. (on 
 March 15, ISl.'S,) and went down to the House of Commons, lo l:ike bis seat lor W.-!iti.iin«l«r ; 
 but before he could take the oaths, was re-captured by the Marshal of the pri«on. On llio 
 very day that his sentence expired, Lord Cochrane speeded to the House, and w:M Ju»t in 
 time to defeat, by his single vote, an intended increase of ilOOOil a year to tin- Uukr of Cum- 
 berland, one of his bitterest opponents. The .fiUKIl) fine was p.iid by a penny mili-rnplion 
 among his constituents. He left Parliament in 1818, and went abroad on foreipti h.-rvn-r. Br»t 
 in South America, and afterwards in Greece. In Ivi!', he permanenlly llxcd I in 
 
 London. He succeeded to the Earldom of Dundonahl, and William IV. ^liiin-elt , .J 
 
 liiin restored to the station in the navy which he would li.ive occupied liad be m . . :lia 
 
 service. He was also reinstated in his position as Kniiiht of the llatb. In I-ll. the K.nic of 
 Arms had proceeded to Henry the Seventh's Chapel, in Wostminsler Abbey, rrnii.n-4l l>ird 
 Cochrane's banner and other insignia from his stall, kicke<l Ihem down the cIihih-I i>lrp«, and 
 into the street. A popular writer says: H:id he been there in person, the rem.<iml'T of ibg 
 degradation (hacking olT his knight's spurs by a butcher with a ch-aver) would n yy 
 
 have been performed — or attempted. Odilly enough, the kicked-out banner »«• ; i\ 
 
 the street, by one of Cochrane's friends, taken home, and carefully pre^xTveil. T it 
 
 forty years ago. Time rolled on — Cociwane eminently distinguisbe<l himself in >• a 
 
 and Greece — lie had returned to England — he had become E irl of Diindioiald, bv • f 
 
 his father — it was felt that he had been harshly dealt with — the political iis|)erilif< whirli pro- 
 secuted and persecuted him had subsided — a liberal king was on the throne — a litfrsl fr'^-rn- 
 ment ruled the countrj' — and tardy justice was done, by restoriiiff Cochrane lo do • n 
 
 which he had been degraded. His banner was duly reinstated in its old placi- ii. ■ r 
 
 Abbey, and it actually was the identical banneret which, two-and Iweniy y. - n 
 
 unceremoniously kicked out. Coc:hrane'3 friend who hail picked it up. evi': • 
 
 old saw which says, " Keep a thing for seven jears, and it will be j-ure luce I* 
 
 kept the document for treble that period, but was rewarded.— In \<A. uben :. r 
 
 was required for the British fleet in the Ualtic, tlic liari of Uundiuinld (Cocbr»ii. ■ •• '.» 
 
 be employed, but his seventy-nine years (he was born in 1770) were k« msn/ re»»»u» actuii* 
 it.— M. 
 * He did return, four years after this date. — M
 
 4:72 NOCTES AinJKOSIAN^. 
 
 North. The Ediiiburgli Reviowor of B;\si], wbetlier he was SIf 
 Jamie or not,* tlevil cares, made a grand att'^nipt to persuade the 
 world that the weight of the Captain's authority ht}'^ entirely his own 
 way as to the question of revolutions in South Anieriea, and, by ini- 
 plieation, c'lsewhere ; but as you have seen the work, 1 need not tell 
 you this is just another trick of the old trade. 
 
 Odoheriy. And what else should it be ? lie, of course, gave no 
 opinion about any other revolution question except that on which all 
 the world has all along been exactly of the same way of thinking. 
 I mean the total impossibility and absurdity of every scheme for re- 
 establishing the government of Spain over her great American colo- 
 nies. 
 
 North. Exactly so — he speaks decidedly, as he should do, upon this 
 head, and as to all the details of the ditierent humbug constitutions 
 that have been knocked up and down like so many nine-pins in that 
 quarter during the List ten or twelve years, he says, in spite of Sir 
 Jamie, — he says not one word but what is perfectly consistent with tho 
 truth and justice of the views which I have recently been putting 
 forth as to those concerns. He, in fact, hints continually his total con- 
 tempt for every thing connected with these new establishments, except 
 only the individual merits (such he esteems them) of San Martin in 
 Chili and Iturbidef iu Mexico. The wild and cruel ruin which, with 
 scarcely one exception, the insurgent party has everywhere heaped on 
 the private and domestic fortunes of those opposed to them, or sus- 
 pected of being opposed to them in opinion, — the brutal sulky rage 
 with which every thing venerable for rank, station, refinement, and 
 virtue, has, in a thousand instances, been saciificed to the mean and 
 jealous demon of Liberalism, — the outrages on age, elegance, loveli- 
 ness, — the rash, remorseless villany which has trampled all that has 
 ennobled the soil into the dust of degradation, nay, of absolute misery, 
 ■ — of all this, sir. Captain Hall, being a Scottish gentleman and a 
 British officer, could not possibly think a whit ditlerently from all the 
 others of the same class of men I have ever happened to converse with 
 on any of the topics in question, nor h;is he said one syllable tliat looks 
 as if he had done so ; though I have no sort of doubt the critique in 
 the Edinburgh Review, and Sir James's puff parliamentary, were both 
 of thern dictated in some measure by a skulking sort of notion that 
 the hrutum vuhjus might be bamboozled into the belief that Captain 
 Uail had really written a Whiggish book touching South America. 
 
 * " Sir Jamie" was Sir James Mackintosh, of course. Basil Hall's book was his " Extract;! 
 from a Journal written on the Coasts of Chili, Peru, and Mexico, in the years 1820, 1821, and 
 1S22."— M. 
 
 t Au(;ustus Iturhide, who was Emperor of Mexico for a short period, (proclaimed May 18th, 
 lS?2,ain; abdicating in .March, 1823,) retired to Italy on a large pension, conditional on his 
 net returning to Mexico. He returned, after a year's absence, to attempt the recovery of 
 power, was proscribed, betrayed, captured, and sentenced to death, lie was shot, July 19th, 
 ba2, agod foiy.— M.
 
 BASIL HALL. ,„, 
 
 Orlnherty. Door Sir Jamos owe Consbiblc any money I 
 
 North. Not kiK-wiiitr^ can't <ivy. 
 
 OdohfHy, Well, w.-ll. Tl.e Cai^tain slionl.l ciitaiiilv l.av.. jrixrn m 
 a lew prints of his b.jioos. He ha<! s..ino grand allairs'in his LH.-<-h.« 
 book. 
 
 i^'iyri//. Ay. and so lie liad. By the l,y, have you heard tin- • 
 turns out that he was completely taken in by those "pciii.roalc-d pi 
 That Ills primitive Loo-choo lads are now un<lerslood t(. Ik;, without 
 exception, the prettiest set of old rascally cunning swindlers that i-vlt 
 infested the Yellow Sea? 
 
 Odoherty. I had not heard of the lunnl.ug being ripped up. Wi.-ll, 
 I am sorry to hear this, for I really had been nuich alfectrd with il,„' 
 simplicity of their manners.* The print of the leave-taking, in parti- 
 cular, was rather too much for my feelings — them hooitifi and \\:\m\ 
 booing — them doing him, and him Loo-(;hooing them. 'Twjls a line 
 picture of humanity on the umbi'ella system. 
 
 North. Ay, ay. Well, he has got hold of people whom he <-ould 
 understand this time, and he has done himself justice. His luMik, sir, 
 is, after all, one of the few sprigs of 1824, which won't wither with 
 the season. I back Captain Hall's South America, and Capt.ain Roi-k 
 Detected, against any three octavos, or duodecimos eitlier, of iho 
 growth, 
 
 Odoherty. Have you seen a Tour in Germany lately published by 
 Constable's people? I hear 'tis rather a clever thing. 
 
 North. I was reading some parts of it over again this very evening. 
 I like the book very well upon the whole. Who writes it? 
 
 Odoherty. A Mr. Russell, I hear ; a young man who ha.s just been 
 called to the bar here. 
 
 North. I hoped it might turn out to be a very young man, for other- 
 wise there would be something olfensive in the stylo occiLsioually. 
 Cursedly spruce and pointed — you understand me. 
 
 Odoherty. O ay; but I hear this is a genuine clever fellow, so one 
 must overlook these bttle things, and expect better hereafter. 
 
 North. Why, as to that, I made no objection to any thing, but a 
 little occasional false taste in style— a thing which, in .an eaily work 
 like tliis, is of no sort of consequence. The stutl' of his^book is g.-xi, 
 and his feelings are good throughout. We must get Kempferhauson 
 to bring him here some night— for being a German— iVi7i/7 Oermamn 
 a se alienum — vou understand me ? 
 
 Odoherty. Yes, yes, of course, the had ha.s laid his lugs in our friend a 
 Steinwein long ere this time of day. Well, the Germanic facliou w 
 
 * Wlien Captain Basil Hall visited Napoleon at St. Heler,,., on Ills relnrn fron.
 
 474 NOCTES A:\n5R0SIAN.E. 
 
 fjettiiifj on ; this gentleman and young Cailyli'* — he who translated 
 Meister — are two pretty additions to Keinpferhausen's battalion. To 
 be senous, North, we shall run some risk of inundation. Have you 
 seen the last London Magazine, how bitter they are on the poor AVil- 
 liam Meister ? 
 
 Xorth, Not I, i'faith — I see none of these concerns — not I. What 
 nre they saying ? 
 
 Odohertij. Oh ! abusing the Germans up-hill and down-dale, buzzing 
 like tieiy myriads of sand tlies. 
 
 North. And stinging ? 
 
 Odoherty. Not knowing, can't say. 
 
 North. Well, I should have thought my friend Opium would have 
 kept them from this particular piece of nonsense — but that's true too, 
 the whole may be one of his quizzes. He was always fond of a prac- 
 tical joke, hang him. 
 
 Odoherty. lie says old Goethe is an idiot — this is pretty abuse, 
 surely. 
 
 North. Ay, ay, about abuse as well as other things, 'tis a true 
 saying enough that most people consider it as " no loss, that a friend 
 gets." 
 
 Odoherty. You would disapprove, I suppose, of the attack on De 
 Quincey in the John Bull Magazine ?f 
 
 North. Disapprove ! — I utterly despised it, and so, no doubt, did he. 
 They say he is no scholar, because he has never published any verbal 
 criticisms on any Greek authors^ — what stuif ! then, I take it, the best 
 
 * In 1S24 Thoraa§ Carlyle was a young man, and if not a better, by all means a more intel- 
 ligible writer than he has been for the last fifteen years. At one time, Carlyle could and did 
 write plain English — how beautiful, in its Saxon simplicity, is his Life of Schiller ! — bat he has 
 Germanized and spoiled his style, until it almost requires a glossary to turn it into English. 
 — M. 
 
 t In Blackwood, for July, 1824, was a poetical epistle, by the renowned " Timothy Tickler," 
 to the Editor of the John B>M Jfiffazine, on an article in his first number. This article (not 
 named by Maga, though sufficiently indicated) professed to be a portion of the veritable .■Auto- 
 biography of Byron, which was burnt, and was called " My Wedding Night." It appeared to 
 relate, in detail, evfry thin-d that occurred in the twenty-four hours immediately succeeding 
 that in which Byron was married. It had plenty of coarseness, and some to spare ; it went 
 into particulars such as hitherto had been given only by Faublas; and it had, notwithstand- 
 ing, many phrases and some facts which evidently did not belong to a mere fabricator. Some 
 years after, I compared this " Wedding Night " with what I had all assurance of having been 
 transcribed from the actual MSS. of Byron, and was persuaded that the magazine writer must 
 have had the actual statement before him, or have had a perusal of it. The writer in Blucb- 
 'lood declared his conviction that it really was Byron's own writing, and said — 
 
 " But that you, sir, — a wit, and a scholar like you. 
 Should not blush to produce what he blushed not to do — 
 Take your compliment, youngster — this doubles (almost) 
 The sorrow that rose when his honor was lost." 
 
 Why the John Bull Magazine should have been patted on the back by Maga, can only be 
 accounted for by the belief that Maginn was chief writer in it — as he was, at the same time, in 
 Bkickwond. Murr.iy is said to have declared th.it "My Wedding Night" could only have 
 been supi>lied by Maginn. The John Bull Magazine was dropped after the sixth or seveutli 
 number. — M. 
 
 X In De Quincey's Literary ReminLscences (Boston edition, Vol. II.) is a chapter of 44 pa^es, 
 called " Libellous Attack by a London Journal," which is a specimen of word-spinning and 
 scatence- making, " full of sound and fury, but signifying nothing." De Quincey had been
 
 DR. PAUR. 47^^ 
 
 scliolars in the world are such croatiiios as Dr. Parr— rul)l.iMi tlnl I 
 honestly confess, I never used to think ;iiiy sfMisihh; n5:'.ti wuiild cudy 
 scend to class much higher than a I'draloirist or a 
 
 Odohertij. I'll defy you to till up that sentence — jjo on. 
 
 North. Parr indeed ! Persuade mc that that i,'nL.".,diii;f avs kii .•■ 
 any thing about the true spirit of Aliienian aniiijuity ! "'I'liat .■- . 
 gious consumer of shag, a fit person to analyze tiif soul of Sapph.. : 
 that turnip-headed buffoon in a cassock, able to follow tlm wit of Aris- 
 tophanes ! — no, no, sir — no tiicks upon travcllfrs. \Vh;it has ho th.no ? 
 What has he done ? That is the question. 
 
 Odoherty. Why, all the world knows what he ha.s done — ho hiw 
 drunk a great deal of bad beer, smoked a great deal i)f bad tobacco 
 uttered a great deal of bad jokes, and pui)lislK'd, thank Ib-avon I not 
 a great deal of dull prose, out-caricaturing the pomposity of Dr. .I«.hn- 
 son's first and worst style, accompanied with some score or two of 
 notes in English, and Notulce in Latin, of which it is entirely impos- 
 sible for any human creature to decide which is the most contempt- 
 ible — their strutting boldness of language, their blown-up inanity of 
 thought, or the vile self-satisfied grin of their abominable predogicjil 
 republicanism — a disgusting old fellow, sir ! 
 
 North. Old ! Is that an epithet of contempt, Mr. Ensign ? 
 
 Odoherty. Beg pardon — a disgusting fellow 
 
 North. Thou hast said it. An excellent clergyman in his parish, 
 an excellent schoolmaster in his school, but in his character of a wii 
 and an author, one of the most genuine feather-beds of humbug that 
 ever filled up a corner in the world — all which, however, is no matier 
 of ours — wherefore pass we on. I would not have thought it worth 
 while to name his name, even to you, had it not been that I lately re- 
 marked sundry attempts to bolster up his justly battered reputati-.n. 
 not in the writings of any of his own filthy party, for that woul.l liave 
 been quite right, but in one of DTsraeli's recent works— which of 
 them I at this moment forget — so help me, my memory, Morgan, even 
 my memory begins to 
 
 Odoherty. Stuft'—stufl[— stuff ! ! What's the use of what they will 
 
 a good memory ? 
 
 North. You will perhaps think more of that, young gentleman, 
 when vour hairs, like mine 
 
 teVsTButit never mentioned tch'afihe " libellous p.ttiicU" •^•a-, nor . 
 nal which made it. All we learn i. that he was attacked m ;".""• r"-''';', ^^ ,.,„. 
 
 bought a copy in Smithiield. This is so th.,rouKhIy l'«. Q'""^';^':' •/, ^'x ^X^l, of c'ur/c I «S 
 ingTn persons and things quite independent of the matter on the /w//i-,) U..I of cur.c e«. 
 not complain of his thus writing " an Infinite deal "f nothing. — Ji.
 
 4Ta NOCTES AMBUOoIAN^. 
 
 Odoherty. Pooh! pooh! I've worn falsities these five years. Bui 
 what siguifies your grand inoinory ? Things roally of iin])ortaiic'e to 
 any man's concerns, are by that man remembered — other thincrs are 
 of no consequence. I, for my part, find it is always much less trou- 
 ble to fill up the details of any piece of business from the creation of 
 fancy, than by cudgelling one's brains for the minutiie of fact — in fact, 
 sir I despise fact. 
 
 North. Aha ! my lad, very pretty talking all this ! But, as Cole- 
 ridge says in his Friend, we always think the least about what wo 
 feel the most. In the heroic ages, they had not so many words as 
 we have now for expressing the different shades and shapes of per- 
 sonal beauty or personal valor; there was less talk about chivalry 
 among rh? Ooeur-de-Lions than among a pack of dandy hussars ; — and 
 from what lips does one hear so much about honor as a pui'py 
 Wliig's ? — But I'm weary of talking to you, Ensign. Here, draw 
 another cork. I desired our friend, the Ambrosian, to have him 
 touched with the ice — just touched. Ay, that's your sort. What a 
 satisfactory thing this is now ! 
 
 Odoherty. Sam, I suppose* — ay, I thought so from the twist of 
 your lips. 
 
 Korth. Now, take your pen in your hand like a goo«l diligent lad, 
 and touch me otf a neat handy little article on this same Tour in 
 Germany. 
 
 Odoherty. Me I Bless you, I have not read one word of it. 
 
 North. Never heed — begin with a sounding paragi-aph about 
 things in general ; at the close of each paragraph you shall have a 
 bumper. Yea, stick we to the old bargain. 
 
 Odoherty. Pretty little pebbles of paragi-aphs we shall be having ; 
 well, here goes I But to save time and trouble, tell me, since you 
 have read the book, what you really think of it — honestly, now, Kit, 
 
 North. Well, well — fill my glass again, boy. 'Tis an excellent little 
 book, I assure you, Sir Morgan. Tiie author appears to have spent 
 some time at Jena, and after maknng himself well acquainted with the 
 language, to have travelled considerably over the north of Germaay, 
 and a little in the south also. He has given, in what will probably 
 be the most amusing part of his book to common readers, a very 
 graphic account indeed of the mode of life prevalent among th?t ap- 
 parently queerest of all queer orders of beings, the German students. 
 He hfis entered into full and, ex facie, accurate details of their extra- 
 vagant, enthusiastic, absurd, overhearing, hobbletehoy existence, their 
 pride, their folly, their clubs, their duels, their whiskers, their tobacco- 
 pipes, their schnaps, their shirt-collars, and their enormous jack-boots. 
 All other bodies of students that T have seen or heard of, would ap- 
 
 * Mr. tiaraiiel Anderson, then a wine-merchant in Eilinhur(?h, afterwards, by favor of Lord 
 Brougham, Registrar of the Court of Chancery in Loudon.— M.
 
 PRUSSIA IN 1S20-2. ;77 
 
 pear to be but niilk-and-w.-iler sliadows of tli.jii- crajuiniiyjl absuniily 
 — aud yet, stiauge to say, it appears to be bv no iiieaiis clcur, tlml a 
 Gerrnaa univeisity is not at this moiueut tiu {.lacii wli.-ix- ilie m.^st 
 extensive and the most aceurate learning may bo acijuin.'d at tlie 
 cheapest rate. Sir, this aftair seems to be niado uj) of <.n«.' biindl.- of 
 anomahes. You luust, on reflection, rea.l tlie whole of ihe .-liapi.T* 
 lie has devoted to its consideration, ere you review them. 
 
 Odoherty. If their way of thinking be eillier more (pi.-er or more 
 laudable than what we had to do with at old Trin. Coll. iJub., 1 hhull 
 consider myself as a rump and dozen in my victim's debt. 
 
 North. As to that, not knowing, can't say. I'mt the really impor- 
 tant part of the book is its politics, and it w;is this that nnuleiuc wish 
 you should do something for it in Maga. Sir, we have been iuu<h 
 abused by the people who have written and sj)okeu about Ciermauy 
 lor the last five or six years. 
 Odoherty. As how ? 
 
 North. Why, for example, we have been deaved with the lioarso 
 cry, that the King of Prussia has behaved in all manner of be;L><tly 
 ways to his people. We have been told that he has pi(jmised to do 
 every thing for them, and that he has done nothing : and this sort of 
 thing has been repeated so often by all the regiment of bawlers, from 
 Brougham the Bold downwards, that honest people have really been 
 dinned into some sort of belief, that the thing must be so. But here 
 we have the facts — Sir Morgan Odoherty, here we have the plain facts 
 of the case ; and I assure you, I think the author of this book w()nld 
 have deserved no slight commendation had his work consisted merely 
 of this one excellent expose. He has shown, sir, in the most coux- 
 plete and satisfactory manner, that in so far as it h:is been possible for 
 the government of Prussia to inci'ease the political privileges of tlie 
 people of Prussia, the thing actually has been done.* The king and 
 his ministers have reformed to a very great extent — but they liavo 
 reformed like men of sense, wisdom and experience — not after the 
 fashion of your Bolivars, your Riegos, your Robespierres, your Pe|K.'s, 
 your Thistlewoods. Here is the rub. 
 
 Odoherty. A real defence of the Prussian government nmst he of 
 high importance at present. Whereabouts is this subject taken up \ 
 
 North. Give me the book — ay, here it is. I shall be hapi>y to lie;ir 
 it once again ; so read aloud — begin where you see the mark of my 
 pencil. 
 
 Odoherty. Well, if it must be so—" The Prussian goverumeut is 
 
 usually decried" 
 
 * This was Frederick-William HI., father of the present King. The conrul»lon» which 
 shook the Prussian throne to its foundations, in 184S, may in some small d.'irrc-e br •'■'»'^'-*' '» 
 nis refusal to grant those constitutional privileges which had long been proiuibcd to liw pvopio, 
 and which they were well fitted to exercise. — M.
 
 4 IS NOCTES AMBEOSIAN^. 
 
 North. That's tlie passage I mean. 
 Odohertif. And a pretty long one it seems to be. 
 Xorth. No matter; I assure you, you will iiud ilr. Russell's prose 
 much more entertaining than my prosing. Get on. 
 Odoherty {reads).* 
 
 " The Prussian government is usually decried amongst us, as one of the most 
 .ntolerant and illiberal of Germany, attentive only to secure the implicit and un- 
 thinking obedience of its subjects, and therefore encouraging every thing which 
 may retain them in ignorance and degradation. Every Briton, from what he 
 has heard, nmst enter Prussia with this feeling; and he must blush for his 
 hastiness, when he runs over the long line of bold reforms, and liberal amelio- 
 rations, which were introduced into the whole frame of society and jmldic 
 relations in I'russia, from the time when the late Ciiancellor Prince Ilardenberg 
 was replaced, in ISIO, at the head of the government. They began, in fact, 
 with the battle of Jena ; that defeat was, in one sense, the salvation of Prussia.' 
 The degradation and helplessness into wliich it plunged the monarchy, while 
 they roused all thinking men to see that there must be something ■vvr'ong in 
 existing relations, bi-ought likewise the necessity of stupendous efforts to make 
 the resources of the diminished kingdom meet both its own expenditure^ and 
 the contributions levied on it by the conqueror. A minister was wanted^; for 
 domineenng France woul.l not allow Ilardenberg, the head of the Anti-Galliean 
 ]'arty. and listened to oidy wlieu it was too late to retain his othce, and he 
 retired to Kiga. Prcnez Monsieur Stein, said K^apoleon to the king, ccst un 
 honuiie d' esprit ; and Stein was made minister. In spirit, he was a minister 
 entirely suited to the times; but he wanted caution, and forgot that in ])()litics, 
 even in changing for the better, some consideration must be paid to what for 
 centuries has been bad and universah lie was not merely bold, he was feai- 
 less; but he was thoroughly despotic in his character; haviuij a good object 
 once in his eye, he rushed oii to it, regardless of the mischief which he might 
 be doing in his haste, and tearing up and throwing down all that stood in'his 
 way, with a vehemence which even the utility of his purpose did not always 
 justify. ~ I V J 
 
 "Stein was too honest a man long to retain the favor of France. An inter- 
 cepted letter informed tlie cabinet of St. Cloud, that he was governing for 
 Prussian, not for French purposes; and the king was requested to dismiss le 
 nomme Stein. He retired to Prague, and amused himself Avith reading lectures 
 on history to his daughters. His retirement was followed by a sort of inter- 
 regnum of ministers, who could contrive nothing except the cession of Silesia 
 to France, instead of ]iaying the contributions, "prom necessity, Hardenberg 
 was recalled ; and whoever will take the trouble of going over the principid 
 acts of his administration will acknowledge, not only that he was the ablest 
 minister Prussia has ever possessed, but likewise tliat few statesmen, in the 
 unostentatious path of internal improvement, have effected in so brief an inter- 
 val, so many weighty an.l beneficial changes — interrupted as he was by a war 
 of unexampled importance, which he began with caution, jirosecuted with 
 energy, and terminated in triumph. lie received Prussia stripped of half its 
 extent, its honors l)lighted, its finances ruined, its resources at once exhausted 
 by foreign contributions, and depressed by ancient relations among the different 
 classes of society, wdiich custom had consecrated, and selfishness was vehement 
 to defend. He has left it to his king, enlarged in extent, and restored to its 
 
 * See Tour in fiormany, in 1820, 1821, 1822, (Edinburgh, Constable, 2 roL'. 12mo.,) olnm 
 •econj, p. 110, tt Heq.—O. N.
 
 PRUSSIA UNDER ir.VRDENBKUG. 470 
 
 fame; with a woll-onloreJ system of finaiiee, not more .Icfetrlivf or .-xfrnvaKniil 
 tliaii the straggle for the redemplioii of the kingdom r.-ii.l-re.l h.-er««iiry unj 
 above all, he has left it freed from those restraints whieli Ii.miii,) ii|. lh..Vu|..i.-i! 
 ties of Its industry, and were tlie sourees at onee of i,erM)iiai d.-grada(i<.n nnd 
 national poverty. Nor ought it to he forgotten, thai, wliil,. Hanh-nhiix hn<l 
 often to eoiitend, in the eouise of these reform^, now witli tlie jeal-.nsie-* of 
 town corjioratious, aurl now with the united inlluenee an.l ).rejiidi<-«'j* of iho 
 aristocracy, he stood iu the difficult station of a foreigner in the kini;<)oiii 
 which he governed, unsnpporte'l by family descent or hereditary inflii.-neo. 
 His power rested on the personal eoniidenee of the kini,' in his tali-nl.s an<l 
 honesty, and the confideiicf, wliiili all of tlie people who ever thought on auob 
 matters reposed in the general sj)irir of his poliey. 
 
 "It was on agriculture that Prussia had ehielly to rely, and tlie rt-lHtioim 
 between the peasantiy who labored the soil and tlie iirojirietors, ehii-fly of iho 
 nobility, who owned it, were of a most depressing nature. The most venturoim 
 of all liardenberg's measures was that by whieii iieentin-lv new-niodrlh>d the 
 system, anil did nothing less tiiati create a new ordiM- of indrpt-mli-nt hindi-il 
 proprietors. The ErbuiiterthMiii<!keit, or hereditar}' subjection of tin- j>ca«niitry 
 to the proprietors of the estates on whicli they were born, had Ij.-cn ali-.ady 
 abolished by Stein : next were removed the al)surd restrictions whieli hud «^u 
 K)ng operated, with aoeumulating force, to diminisli the |>ro(Uictiveni'Ks of luntl. 
 by fettering the jiro'prietor not merely in the disposal, but even in the mode of 
 cultivating his estate. Then came forth, in 181n, a royal edict, elleeting, by n 
 single str()ke of the pen, a greater and more decisive ehangf than lias rcsuUotl 
 from any modern legislative act, and one which a more popular form of govern- 
 ment would scarcely have ventured. It enacted, that, all the peasantry of the 
 kingdom should iu future be free, hereditary projirietors of the lands which 
 hitherto thej* had held only as hereditary tenants, on condition that they gave 
 up to the landlord a fixed jiroportion of them. The peasantry formed two 
 classes. The first consisted of those who enjoyed what nniy l>e terine<l a hered- 
 itary lease, that is, who held lands to which the landlord was bonnil, on the 
 death of the tenant in possession, to admit his successor, or, iit least, some iieai 
 relation. The right of the landlord was thus greatly inferior to tluit of un- 
 liujited property; he had not his choice of a tenant; the lease was likely to 
 remain in the same family as long as the estate in his own ; and, in general, ho 
 had not the power of increasing the rent, which had been originally fixed, 
 centuries, jierhaps, before, whetlier it consisl^'d in jvroiluce or services. Thews 
 i^easants. on giving up one-third of their farms to the lainllord, become un- 
 limited proprietors of the remainder. The second class consisted of peosauts 
 whose title endured only for life, or a fixeil terni of yeaiu In this ca.-'.'. llie 
 landlord was not bound to continue the lease, on its termination, to the fomier 
 tenant, or any of his descendants; but still he wiu^ far from being unlimited 
 proprietor; he was bound to rei)lace the former tenant with a person of th« 
 same rank; he was prohibited to take the lan.ls into his own poss«-si*ion. oi 
 cultivate them with his own cai>ital.* His right, however, was elearly more 
 absolute than iu the former case, and it is .lifficult to see what claim th.- teminl 
 could set up beyond the endurance of his lease. That such restrictions render.- J 
 
 * Tl.-s reputation has sometimes been ascribed to anxiety to keep up t!,e number, of tt,c 
 peasantry to f U the armies; a more probable explanat.on >s to be fouml a. tlie oxvmp lo. of 
 fhe liobiiity, tbat is, generally speaking, tl.e lan.iboldeis. ro.-: t.;xat.on 1 ley , 1 
 
 t i« e^en T>t on ia favor of tbe property whieb they retaine.l n. the.r own m.uls b, 
 •uf t' Vivation the lands wliieh they bud given out to tl.e pel sal. ry BiU.1;nl,.^t'. 1 ^ ■ 
 cTmVt be nnerest of the Crown to prevent any diminution ot the ^^^^'^T^'^^^:;^ ^^. 
 and in the country. To abolish this restriction, was one of S eii. s first uiea-ure., In IMW . 
 Vol he was determined to make all laud taxable, without excepliou.-K.
 
 4S0 NOCTES AMBKOSI.ii?^. 
 
 the ostiite less valuable to the proprietor, may have been a very good reason 
 tor abulisliing Iheiii entirely, but 8eems to be no reason at all for taking a por- 
 tion of the lands from him wlio had every right to them, to give it to him 
 who liad no riglit whatever, but that of possession under his temporary lease. 
 But this class of peasants, too, (and tliey are supposed to liave been by far the 
 more numerous,) on giving up onv-hclf of tiuir farms, became absolute pro- 
 prietors of the remainder. The half thus taken from the landlords appears 
 just to have been a price exacted from them for the more valuable enjoyment 
 of tlie other; — as if the government had said to thorn, give up to our disposal 
 a certain portion of your estates, and we shall so sweep away those old restric- 
 tions which render them unproductive to you, that what remains will speedily 
 be as valuable ,is the whole was before. 
 
 " It cannot be denied, therefore, that this famous edict, especially in tlie 
 latter of the two eases, was a very stern interference with the rights of pi'ivate 
 property ; nor is it wonderful that those against whom it was directed siiould 
 have sternly opposed it ; but the minister was sterner still, lie found the 
 finances ruined, and the treasury attacked by demands, which required that 
 the treasury should be filled ; he saw the imperious necessity of rendering 
 agriculture more productive ; and though it may be doubted, whether the 
 same end might not have been gained by new-modelling the relations betweea 
 the parties, as landlord and tenant, instead of stripping the former to create a 
 new race of proprietors, there is no doubt at all as to the success of the mea- 
 sure, in increasing the productiveness of the soil. Even those of the aristoc- 
 racy, wlio have waged war most bitterly against Ilardenberg's reforms, allow 
 that, in regard to agriculture, this law has produced incredible good. ' It 
 must be confessed,' saj's one of them, ' that, in ten years, it has carried us for- 
 ward a wliole century ;' — the best of all experimental proofs how injurious the 
 old relations between the proprietors and the laborers of the soil nmst have 
 been to the prosperity of the country. 
 
 " The direct operation of this measure necessarily was to make a great deal 
 of propert}- change hands; but this effect was farther increased bj- its indirect 
 operation. The law appeared at a moment when the greater part of the es- 
 tates of the nobility were burdened with debts, and the proprietors w^re now 
 deprived of their rentals. They indeed had land thrown back upon their 
 hands ; but this only multiplied their embarrassments. In the hands of their 
 boors, the soil liad been productive to them ; now that it was in their own, 
 they had neither skill nor capital to carry on its profitable cultivation, and 
 new loaus only added to the interest which already threatened to consume its 
 probable fruits. The consequence of all this was, that besides the portion of 
 land secured in free property to the peasaiitrj', much of the remainder came 
 into the market, and the purchasers were generally persons who had acquired 
 wealth by trade or manufactures.* The sale of the royal domains, to supjdy 
 
 * It will scarcely be believed that, up to 1S07, a person not noble could only by accident 
 find a piece of land, wliatever number of estates iiiiglit be in the market, which lie would 1)C 
 alloiced to purchase. IJy far the greater portion of the landed property consisted of estates- 
 noble ; and if the proprietor brought his estate into the market, only a nobleman could pur- 
 chase it. The merchant, the banker, the artist, the manufacturer, every citizen, in short, who 
 had acquired wealth by industry anil skill, lay under an absolute prohibition against invest- 
 ing it in land, unless he previously purchased a patent of nobility, or stumbled on one of 
 those few spots which, in former days, h.id escaped the hands of a noble proprietor, small in 
 nuiuber, and seldom in the market. Kven Frederick the Great lent his aid to p^-rpetuate this 
 preposterous system, in tlie idea that he would best compel the investment of caiiiial in traiie 
 anil manufactures, by making it impossilile to dispose of it, when realized, in agricultural pur- 
 suits, — a plan which led to the depression of agriculture, the staple of the kingdom, as cer- 
 tainly as il was directed in vain to cherish artificially a manufacturing activity, on which the 
 country is much less dependent. This could not possibly last; the noble proprietors were 
 reifularly becoaiing poorer, and the same course of events which compelled so many of them
 
 PRUSSIAN DIVISION oK I'lioPICUTY. .\s\ 
 
 ihe necessities of the state, operated po-werfullv in the «nino wuv. lli^w' -l^ 
 mains always ionned a most important il.-ni in ihc rcv.-nuo »f a U.-m. m 
 prince, and one which was totally in<l.-i.en.lent of uiiv control, .-vm ll.p.t of 
 the imperfectly constituted estates. In I'riissia. tiiey wimv .■stimau-.l i.. vi.!.l 
 unnualiy nearly half a million sterlins;, even in the hun.l.s of fiirniiT.."iiiid. 
 under the chanifes which have so rapidly aiii,'mented tiie viilno of ilic ti\[ nlj 
 over the kingdom, they would soon have become iiiueli nmre proliialdi;. I'.it, 
 while compelled to tux severely the property of ids subjects, i\u- kinj; V.-fi. • i 
 to spare his own ; and, in 1811, an edict was issued, aull'iorizini,' th.- Hhl.- ..| ■■ 
 royal domains at twenty-five years' pureliase of the eslimuird n-ntal. 'II.. . , 
 too, passed into the hands of the purchasers not connei-tod with llif iirisi*..'- 
 racy ; for the aristocracy, so far fmm being able to pur<diu-e llio t-ntiili-n of 
 others, were selling tlieir own estates to pay their debts. The party op|M>f«-(l 
 to llardeiiberg lias not ceased to lament tiiat the Crown shoubl lliujt'lmvt- Im-i-u 
 shorn of its native and independent glories ; ' for it ouglit to be [iDWc-ifiil.' miv 
 they, 'by its own revenues and possessions.' Our principUa of goveriiinoiit 
 teach us a dilferent doetrine. 
 
 " Beneficial as the economical effects of this division of property niuv Imvo 
 been, its political results are no less important. It has crt-atvii a new elaiM of 
 citizens, and these the most valuable of all citiz.ens ; every trace, not merely of 
 subjection, but of restraint, has been removed from tiie induslriouH, but jioor 
 and degraded peasants, and they have at once been converted into imlepeii.!- 
 ent landed proprietors, resembling much the petits proj>ri't<iirrx created by 
 the Frencii Uevolution. In I'omcrania, for example, llie estates of tlie Mobility 
 were calculated to contain 2()i) s<piare miles; tiiose of free projirietoiv, ii<*t 
 noble, only five miles. Of the foi-mer, about ]i»i> were JJawrnhoje, in the 
 hands of the peasantry; and, by the operation of tlie law, Gil of these woiilj 
 still remain the property of the boors who cultivated them. Thus there is now 
 twelve times as much landed property, in tiiis province, belonging to pei-»on* 
 who are not noble, as there was before the appearance of tins edict. The riiew 
 of boors is not extinct; for the provisions of the law are not im|>er«live, if 
 both parties prefer remaining in their old relation ; but this is a preference 
 which, on the part of the peasant at least, is not to be expected. C'nre hua 
 been taken that no new relations of the same kind shall be formed. A pro- 
 prietor might settle his agricultural servants upon his grounds, giving them 
 land, instead of wages, and binding them to hereditary serviee ; this would 
 just have been the seed of a new race of boors to toil under the ol<l |>ei>oniil 
 services. Probably the thing had been attempted ; for, in 1811, an ediet ai>- 
 peared, which, while it allows the proprietor to pay his servants in whole or 
 in part with the use of land, limits the duration of such a contract to twelve 
 years. It prohibits him absolutely from giving tiiese fannlies land hrritaUi/, 
 on condition of service ; if a single acre is to be given in property, it must 
 either be a proper sale, or a fixed rent must be stipulated in money or produce. 
 Hardenberg was resolved that his measure should be complete. 
 
 "When to the peasants who have thus become lan.lliolders, is added the 
 numerous class of citizens, not noble, who have come into the pos^e.-vM..n of 
 landed pn-operty by the sales of the royal domains, and the necessities of mi 
 many of the higher orders, it is not difficult to foresee the political con«.«- 
 quonces of such a body of citizens gradually rising in wealth and respeetnbil 
 
 to sell, disabled them generally from buying ; destitute of cnpitat lorultiv;ite llu-lr own csUli-., 
 it was not among them tl.at the purchasers of the royal doniuins wire to l)c looked for. lo 
 180T. Stein swept away the wh.>le mass of absurd restrictions, and every luau was made capa- 
 ble of holding every kind of property.— U. 
 
 Vol. I.— 33
 
 482 
 
 NOCTES AMBROSLVxV.E. 
 
 itv, and dii^nifio.l by that feeling of self-esteem whieh usually ac^cnipanies 
 the indepeinleiit possession of property. Unless their progress be iinpeJed by 
 extraneous circumstances, they must rise to political influence, because they 
 ■will gruduall}' become fitting depositaries of it. It would scarcely be too 
 nuK-li to say, that the Prussian government must have contemplated such a 
 cliaiigo ; for its administration, during the last fourteen j-ears, has bt-en direct- 
 ed to produce a state of society in wiu<;li pure despotism cann«>t long exist 
 but bv force ; it has been tlirowing its subjects into those relations whicii, by 
 tlie very course of nature, give the people political influence by making them 
 tit to exercise it. Is there any thing iu political history that should make us 
 wish to see them iu possession of it sooner ? Is it not better tiiat liberty 
 should rise spontaneous!}' from a soil prepared for its reception, atid in which 
 its seeds have gradually been maturing in the natural progress of society, 
 tlian violently to plant it on stony and thorny ground, where no congenial 
 qualities give strength to its roots, and beauty to its blossoms, where it does 
 not thi-ow wide its perennial shadow, under which the people may find hap- 
 piness and refuge, but 6])rings up, like the gourd of Jonah, in the night of 
 popular tumult, and uiuiatural and extravagant innovation, to perish in the 
 morning beneath the heat of reckless faction, or the cousumiug fire of foreign 
 interference ? 
 
 " Tliis great, and somewhat violent measure, of creating in the state a new 
 order of citizens possessing independent property, was preceded and followed 
 bv a crowd of other reforms, all tending to the same end, to let loose the ener- 
 gies of all classes of the people, and bring tliem into a more comfortable social 
 relation to each other. While the peasantrj- were not only set free, but con 
 verted into landholders, the aristocracy were steridy deprived of that exemp>- 
 tion from taxation which, more than any thing else, renders them odious in 
 every country where it has been allowed to remain. They struggled hard to 
 keep their estates bejond the roach of the land tax, but the king and Harden- 
 berg were inflexible : ' We ho])e,' says the royal edict, ' that those to whom 
 tliis mciisure will apply will reflect, tiiat, in future, they will be free from the 
 reproach of escaping public burdens at the expense of their fellow-subjects. 
 They will likewise reflect, that the tax to be laid upon them will not equal the 
 expense to which thej^ would be put, if called on to perform the military ser- 
 vices which originally burdened their estates.' The whole financial sjstem 
 acquired an uniformity and equality of distribution, which simplified it to all, 
 and diniinislied the expense of collection, while it increased the revenue. 
 Above all, that anomalous system, under which ever}- province had its own 
 budget, and its peculiar taxes, was destroyed, and Hardenberg, after much 
 opposition, carried through one uniform and universal system for the whole 
 monarchy. This enabled him to get rid of another monstrous evil. Under 
 the miserable system of financial separation, every province and every town 
 was surrounded with custom-houses, taxing and watching the productions of 
 its neighbors, as if they came from foreign countries, and discouraging all in- 
 ternal comnuuiioation. The whole was swept away. At the same time, the 
 national expenditure in its various departments, the ways and means, tlie state 
 of tlie public debt, and the funds for meeting it, were given forth with a i)ub- 
 licit}- wiiich produced confidence in Prussia, and alarm, as setting a bad ex- 
 anqih', in some less prudent cabinets. Those amongst ourselves who clamor 
 most loudly against the misconduct of the Prussian government, will aUow, 
 that the secularization and sale of the church lands was a liberal and patriotic 
 measure ; those who more wisely think, that an arbitrary attack on any spe- 
 cies of property endangers the security of all property, will lament tiiat t^e 
 public necessities should have rendered it advisable. The servitudes of tiiirl-
 
 TUE OEWERBSTKUER. 4 So 
 
 asfc,* of l)i-«wing beer, nn.l .listillinEr Bpii-itiious li.juor.i, oxisti-il in tlirir i.i.».l 
 Oj-pressive fuini, diseourii<,'iii^r ai,'ricultiiro, jind lostfriiii; tin- riiinoiiii i«|.iril of 
 monopoly. They wero !il)oli.slied witli so iinspariiiir a linn.l, tlmi, iliiMi^r|, j,,. 
 deiunitication was not ahsolutoly refused, the forms and modes of pro<if of |i»a 
 sustained to found a cdaim to it were of such a nature, as to render it «!i»Rcijll 
 uo be procured, and triflin<; when made good. This was too uiit«purintr. 
 
 "In the towns there was much less to he done; it wa« only n. .. 
 
 release their arts and manufactures from old restraints, and rousr tli. t 
 
 to an interest in the puhlic Meal, llarderil.eri,' attempted the first l.\ » mea- 
 sure on which more jxipular uovernnients have not yet heen hold «-i"M>u;rh lo 
 venture, however strongly it lias heen recommended" hy political eeotlOlnl^U; 
 he struck down at one blow all guildrics and corporations, — not I how laruer 
 forms, which include all the citizens of a town, and constitute a buruiKjIi. I.iit 
 those subordinate forms which regard parti>'ular classes and profeK.->ions! iJiit, 
 whether it was from views of finance, or that he fouml himself eompell. d, l>v 
 opposing interests, to yield something lo tiie old i)rinciple, that Ih.- piil.lii- Ts 
 totally unqualitied to judge who serves them well an<l who serves lh<'m l.a.ll), 
 but nmst have some person to make the discovery for them, the ehanerllor 
 seems to have lost his way in this measure, lie left every man at liheiiy •<> 
 follow every profession, free from the fetters of an incorporated body; but lio 
 converted the government into one huge, universal corporation, ami allo\v<'d 
 no man to pursue any profession without annually procui-Jng and payintr for 
 the permission of the state. The Gewcrbxteuer, introduce<l in lslt», is a yearly 
 tax on every man who follows a profession, on account of that pr<ifes.sion ; it is 
 like our ale and pedlar licenses, but it is tiniversal. So far, it is only financial ; 
 but the license by no means follows as a matter of course, and iiere reappears 
 the incorporation spirit; every member of those jtrofessions, wiiieii are held to 
 concern more nearly the j)ublie weal, must produce a cei'titicate of the |irovin- 
 eial government, that he is duly qualified to exercise it. l)o<-tors and chimney- 
 sweeps, midwives and ship-builders, notaries-])ublie and mill\vright<, book- 
 sellers and makers of water-pipes, with a host of other equally homogeneous 
 professionalists, must be guaranteed by that dejiai-tment of the government 
 within whose sphere their occupation is most uatuialU' included, hs perfectly 
 fit to execute their professions. The system is cumbersome, but it want«, ut 
 least, the exclusive esprit de corps of coi-porations. 
 
 " The other and more important ol)ject, that of rousing the citJzens fo an 
 active concern in the atlairs of their own commuidty, had already been aeeoin- 
 plished by Stein iu hrs iStadUordnung, or constitution for the cities. wl:ich was 
 completed and promulgated in 1808. lie did not go the length of annual par- 
 liaments and universal suffrage, for the magistracy is elected only every third 
 year; but the elective franchise is so widely distributed among nil resident 
 householders, of a certain income or rental, that none are excluded whom it 
 would be proper to admit. IS ay, complaint^s are sometimes h<-ard from j.ei-sons 
 of the upper ranks, that it c«mipels them to give up paying any alienlu.n t<i 
 civic affairs, because it places too direct and overwhelming an inllu.-nce in the 
 hands of the lower orders. There can be no doubt, however, of ilie good which 
 it has done, were there nothing else than the publicity which it lias bestowed 
 on the management and proceedings of public and charitable insf tut ions. The 
 first merchant of Breslau, the secTond city of the monarehy, told me it wan 
 impossible to conceive what a change it had effected for the better, and what 
 interest every citizen now took in the public affaiiu of the corporation, m b.w 
 
 • Let those who accuse the Prussian government of (iisroRar.IinK the linproveinint of iw 
 subjects reflect, that it was only in 1T99, that the Hritish l'arli:i.nu..t U.ought uf coutriUug 
 means to rescue the agriculture of Scotland from tins servitude— K.
 
 4S4 NOCrES AlfBROSI.VJN^. 
 
 pitals and schools, in roads, iiiiJ bridges, and pavements, and \raler-pi"p<'j. 
 'Nay,' added lie, 'by our example, we have even eoinpelled the Catliolic 
 charities to print accounts of their funds and proceedings ; for, witiiout doing 
 so, tliey could not have stood against us in public contideuce.' This is the 
 true view of the matter; nor is there any danger that the democratic principle 
 will be extravagant in the subordinate communities, while the despotic prin- 
 ciple is so strong in the general government of the country. 
 
 " Such has been the general spirit of the administration of Prussia, since the 
 battle of Jena; and it would be gross injustice to her govenmient to deny, that 
 in all this it has acted with an honest and effective view to the public welfare, 
 and has betrayed anj- thing but a sellish or prejudiced attachment to old and 
 mischievous relations; that was no jiart of the character of either Stein or 
 Ilardcnberg. The government is in its forms a despotic one; it wields a cen- 
 sorship ; it is armed with a strict and stern police ; and, in one sense, the prop- 
 erty of the subject is at its disposal, in so far as the portion of his goods which 
 he shall contribute to the public service depends only on the pleasure of the 
 governiuent; but let not our just hatred of despotic forms make us blind to 
 substantial good. Under these forms, the government, not more from jiolicy 
 than inclination, has been guilty of no oj)]>rcssions wliich might place it in 
 dangerous opposition to jniblic feeling or opinion; while it has crowded its 
 administration with a rapid succession of ameliorations, which gave new life 
 to all the Weightiest interests of the state, and brouglit all classes of society 
 into a more natural arraj', and which onlj' ignorance or prejudice can deny to 
 have been e<piallv beneficial to the people, an<l honorable to the executive. I 
 greatly doubt, whetiier there be any example of a poj)ular government doing 
 80 much real good in so short a time, and witli so much continued effect. When 
 a minister roots out abuses which impede individual prospeiity, gives free 
 course to the arts and industry of the country, throws open to the degraded 
 the paths of comfort and respectability, and brings down the artificial privi- 
 leges of the high to that elevation wliicli nature demands in every stable form 
 of political society; while he thus prepares a people for a popular government, 
 while, at the same time, by this vei'y prej^aration, he creates the safest and 
 most unfailing means of obtaining it, he stands much higher as a statesman 
 and philosojiher, than the minister who rests satisfied with the easy j)raise, and 
 the more than doubtful experiment, of giving popular forms to a people which 
 knows neither how to value nor exercise them. The statesmen of this ace, 
 more than of any other, ought to have learned the folly of casting the political 
 pearl before swine. 
 
 " This is no defence of despotism ; it is a statement of the good whi(di the 
 Prussian government has done, and an elucidation of the general spirit of 
 improvement in which it has acted; but it furnishes no reason for retaining 
 the despotic forms under whiiih this good has been wrought out, so soon as the 
 public wishes require, and the public mind is, in some measure, capable of 
 using more liberal anil manly instruments. On the other hand, it is most 
 unfair (ar. J yet, in relation to Prussia, nothing is more common) to forget what 
 a monarch has done for his subjects, in our hatred of the fact that he has done 
 it without their assistance, and to set down his government as a mere ignorant, 
 selfish, and debasing tj'ranny. The despotism of Prussia stands as far above 
 that of Naples, or Austria, or Spain, as our own constitution stands above the 
 mutilated Chai'tcr of France. The peoi>le are personally attached to their 
 king ; and, in regard to his government, they feel and recognise the real good 
 which has been done infinitely more strongl}- than the want of the unknown 
 good which is yet to be attained, and which alone can secure the continuance 
 of all the rest. They have not enjoyed the political experience and education
 
 PKDSSIAN POLITICS 
 which wouh! toach (hem the vahie of Ihis security, nrd ov.-n tlio Utirr 
 
 formed classes Lreiublo at tlie thought of exactini,' i( "t.v |M.|,ul.ir .-himor I..-. .„,->' 
 they see it iiuist speedily come of itself. From \i„- V.ll,,, t„ ||„, ,,,|,^' j ,,„„,,| 
 nothiiiir to make mo believe in the existence of lii,,t general dii.eoii'i..iit ui'il 
 
 in- 
 
 I 
 
 ripeness for revolt which have been bi-oadly ass.-i'led, nmr."(i'mi7om'i"V.'.'. x'u't 
 1). Prussia; and it would be wonderful t(. find a people to whuni nil V-li'i'nl 
 tlunkuifi; is new. who knew iiothinijjof political theories, and suffer no •crM.iml 
 ojjpressions, ready to raise the shout of insurrection. 
 
 "To this it is commonly added, tliat the gen.'ral discontent i» i,i,lv f..r.-il,lv 
 
 kept down l)y the large standing army. The more 1 und.M>.t 1 th," cM-tiui- 
 
 tion of the Prussian army, the more ditfieult I found it to admit this coiiftniitlv 
 rei.eated assertion. JS'ot only is every male of a certain ugc, a re^'iihirly trnined 
 BoJdier, the most difficult of all populations to be crushed by force, when ihry 
 are onco warmed by a poi)ular cause, but by far the greater part of thix Mip. 
 posed despotic instrument consists of men taken, an>l taken oidy for u tiinr, ln>in 
 tiie body of citizens against whom they are to be employed. "'I'lu-re in nl'vMi\», 
 indeed, a very large army on foot, and the foreign relat'ions of I'runcin rcii.li-r 
 the maintenance of a large force indis]iensable ; but it is, in fact, a militia. 
 ' We have no standing army at all, properly speaking,' said an officer of thv 
 Guards to me; 'what may be called our slandintf army is, in reality, notliinK 
 but a 'school, in which all citizens, without exception, between twciily Bnii 
 thirty-two years of age, are trained to be soldiers. Three years are reitoned 
 sufheient for this purpose. A third of our army is aiinuallv clianvred. Th">«c 
 who have served their three years are sent home, form what is called the Wnr 
 Reserve, and, in case of war, are first called out. Their \Ai\ri.- i.s tiiipplied by 
 a new draught from the young men who have not yet been out ; and bo it go«-a 
 on.' Surely a military force so constituted is not that to which a de»|>ot cnn 
 well trust for enchaining a struggling people; if popular feeling were ugnitiHt 
 him, these men would bring it along with them to his very standaril. I can- 
 not help thinking, that, if it were once come to this between the jH-ople on«l 
 government of Prussia, it would not be in his own bayonets, but in thoM- of 
 Russia and Austria, that Frederick William would have to seek u tru.slwortity 
 ally. 
 
 " It will never do to judge of the general feeling of a country frmn the nml 
 tenets of academical youths, (who are despised by none more heartily tlinn by 
 the people themselves,) or from the still less pardonable excessi-s of hot-headed 
 teachers. When I was in Berlin, a plot, headed by a schoohiiaster, wn» d''- 
 teeted in Stargard, in Ponierania ; the object was, to proclaim tlie Spani.«li t.'on- 
 Btitution, and assassinate the ministers and other persons of weight who inigh* 
 naturally be supposed to be hostile to the innovation. This no more pntvc-u 
 the Prussian people to be ripe for revolt, than it proves tlieni to be ready 'o 
 he murderers. , 
 
 " In judging of the political feelings of a country, a Briton is apt to Ix! de- 
 ceived by his own political habits still more than by partial «)l>servation, The 
 iiohtical exercises and education which we enjoy, are riches which wc mnv 
 well wish to see in the possession of others; but they lead us into a lho,i-,.h<l 
 
 v...i.iiurv of Germany where the peopl ^. • ■ ■ .» ,^, 
 
 thinking and information which pervade ourselves. i3ut I'nissiu •■< v^ the tni* 
 course to arrive at it ; the most useful classes of her society are cr»'. |K 
 
 in wealth, respectability, and importance ; and, ?re long, Uer go^
 
 ^Cg " NOCTES AMBKOSTAN.K 
 
 ^^'orth. Thank ye, Odolierty— that's a good boy. 
 
 Odohert!/. May I take the book home >vith me? I must certamly 
 
 "1^'r^^lmeans. I assure you you will fi'^^^he writing thj^ugh^ 
 out clever, the facts interesting, and the tone excellent. Kmg, Moigan . 
 I must have my chair. 
 
 END OF VOL. I.
 
 *
 
 PKoSO / ] 
 
 Date D 
 
 ue 
 
 ^_^ 
 
 
 — .^p^-^ 
 
 
 
 AA 
 
 
 
 i 
 
 
 Hi 
 
 JNIVERS 
 
 TY OF ;* ", 
 
 L"' ; t .1-" 
 
 3 1210 01222 9439