UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES T H B DRAMATICK WORKS O F GEORGE COLMAN. VOL. ii, THE DRAMATICK WORKS O F GEORGE C QLMAN. VOLUME THE SECOND* CONTAINING, The ENGLISH MERCHANT JM AN and WIFE; Or, The MAN of BUSINESS, JThe SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE, LONDON, Printed for T. BECKET, Adelphi, Strand. MDCCLXXVII. A\ THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. COMEDY. Firft afted at the Theatre-Royal in Drury-Lane t on the 21 fl of February, 1767. Nee illiufmodi jam magna nobis clvium Penuria eft. Homo antiqua virtute ac fide : Haud cito mail quid ortum ex hoc Jit publice. Quam gaudeo, ubi ttiam bujus generis reliquias Rejlare video ! T E R . VOL. II. 164750 T O MONSIEUR DE VOLTAIRE THE FOLLOWING COMEDY, A TRIBUTE DUE TO THE AUTHOR OF L'ECOSSAISE) IS INSCRIBED BY HIS MOST OBEDIENT HUMBLE SERVANT, GEORGE COLMAN. Bi PRO- PROLOGUE, Spoken by Mr. KING. EACH year how many Englifli vifit France, To learn the language, or to learn to dance ! Twixt Dover-Cliffs and Calais, in July, Obferve how thick the birds of pafiage fly ! Fair-weather fops in fwarms, frefh-water failors, Cooks, mantua-makers, milleners, and tailors ! Our bard too made a trip j and, fland'rers fay, Brought home, among fome more run-goods, a play: Here, on this quay, prepar'd t'unload his cargo, If on the freight you lay not an embargo. " What ! am I branded for a fmuggler ?" cries Our little Bayes, with anger in his eyes. " No. Englifh poets, Englifli Merchants made, ".To the whole world of letters fairly trade : " With the rich ftores of ancient Rome and Greece, " Imported duty-free, may fill their piece : " Or, like Columbus, crofs th' Atlantick ocean, " And fet Peru and Mexico in motion ; " Turn Cherokees and Catabaws to fhape ; " Or fail for wit and humour to the Cape." Is PROLOGUE. Is there a weaver here from Spitalfields ? To his award our author fairly yields. The pattern^ he allows, is not quite new, And he imports the raw materials too. Come whence they will, from Lyons, Genoa, Rome, 'Tis Englifh filk when wrought in Englifh loom. Silk ! he recants ; and owns, with lowly mind, His manufa&ure is a coarfer kind. Be it drab, drugget, flannel, doyley, friefe, Rug, or whatever winter-wear you pleafe, So it have leave to rank in any clafs, Pronounce it Englijh Stuff, and let it pafs ! B 3 DRAMATIS DRAMATIS PERSON Lord FALBRIDGE, Sir WILLIAM DOUGLAS, FREEPORT, SPATTER, OWEN, LA FRANCE, OFFICER, Servants, &c. Mr. Powell. Mr. Havard. Mr. Tates. Mr. King. Mr. Burton. Mr. Baddeley. Mr. Strange. Lady ALTON, AMELIA, Mrs. GOODMAN, MOLLY, Mrs. Abington. Mrs. Palmer. Mrs. Hopkins. Mifs Pope. SCENE, LONDON. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT, ACT I. SCEN, a room in Mrs. Goodmarfs houfe. Enter Molly , Jlruggling with Spatter. Molly. BE quiet, Mr. Spatter ! let me alone ! Pray now, Sir ! It is a ftrange thing a body can't go about the houfe without being pefter'd with your impertinence. Why fure ! Spat. Introduce me to your miftrefs then come, there's a good girl ! and I will teaze you no longer. Molly. Indeed I fha'n't. Introduce you to my lady ! for what, pray ? Spat. Oh ! for a thoufand things. To laugh, to chat, to take a dim of tea, to Molly. You drink tea with my lady ! I fhould not have thought of that. On what acquaintance ? B 4 Spat. 8 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Spat. The moft agreeable in the world, child ! a new acquaintance. Molly. Indeed you miflake yourfelf mightily: you are not a proper acquaintance for a perfon of her quality, I afTure you, Sir ! Spat. Why, what quality is (he, then ? Molly. Much too high quality for your acquaint- ance, I promife you. What ! a poet-man ! that fits, write, write, write, all day long, fcribbling a pack of nonfenfe for the news-papers ! You're fit for nothing above a chambermaid. Spat. That's as much as to fay, that you think me juft fit for you. Eh, child ? Molly. No, indeed, not I, Sir. Neither my lady nor I will have any thing to fay to you. Spat. Your miftrefs and you both give yourfelves a great many airs, my dear. Your poverty, I think, might pull down your pride. Molly. What does the fellow mean by poverty ? Spat. I mean that you are ftarving. Molly. Oh, the flanderous monilef ! we ! ftarr- ing ! who told you fo ? I'd have you to know, Sir, my lady has a very great fortune. Spat. So 'tis a fign, by her way of life and ap- pearance. Molly. Well; {he lives privately, indeed, becaufe fhe THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 9 fhe loves retirement ; fhe goes plain, becaufc flic hates drefs; fhe keeps no table, becaufe fhe is an enemy to luxury. In mort, my lady is r.s rich as a Jew, and you are nn impertinent coxcomb. Spat. Come, come ! I know more of your miltrefs than you imagine. Molly. And what do you know of her ? Spat. Oh, I know what I know. Molly. Well! [Jlarmed. Spat. I know>who fhe is, and where ihe came from ; I am very well acquainted with her family, and know her whole hiftory. Molly. How can that be ? Spat. Very eafily I have correfpondence every where. As private as fhe may think herfelf, it is not the firfl 'time that I have feen or heard of Amelia. Milly. Oh, gracious ! as fure as I am alive this man will difcover us. [Apart.~] Mr. Spatter, my dear Mr. Spatter, if you know any thing, fure you would not be fo cruel as to betray us ! Spat. My dear Mr. Spatter ! O ho ! I have guefs'd right there is fomething then. Molly. No, Sir, there is nothing at all ; nothing that fignifies to you or anybody elfe. Spat. Well, well, I'll lay nothing ; but then you mu ft Molly. io THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Molly. What? Spat. Come ; kifs me, huffy ! Molly. I fay kifs you, indeed ! Spat. And you'll introduce me to your miftrefs ? Molly. Not I, I promife you. Spat. Nay, no myfteries between you and me, child ! Come ; here's the key to all locks, the clue to every maze, and the difclofer of all fecrets; money, child ! Here ! take this purfe ; you fee I know fomething ; tell me the reft, and I have the fellow to it in my pocket. Molly. Ha, ha, ha ! poor Mr. Spatter ! Where could you get all this money, I wonder ! Not by your poetries, I believe. But what fignifies telling you any thing, when you are acquainted with our whole hiftory already. You have correfpondence every where, you know. There, Sir ! take up your filthy purfe again, and remember that I fcorn to be obliged to any body but my miftrefs. Spat. There's impudence for you ! when to my certain knowledge your miftrefs has not a guinea in the world ; you live in continual fear of being difcovered ; and you will both be utterly undone in a fortnight, unlefs lord Falbridge fhould prevent it, by taking Amelia under his protection. You underftaml me, child. Molly. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT, n Molly. You fcandalous wretch ! Did you ever hear fuch a monfter ? I won't {lay a moment longer with him. But you are quite miitaken ahout me and my miflrefs, I afl'ure you, Sir. We are in the beft circumflances in th world ; we have nothing to fear ; and we don't care a farthing for you. So your fervant, Mr. Poet ! \_Exit. Spatter alone. Your fervant, Mrs. Pert ! " We are in the beft " circumftances in the world." Ay, that is as much as to fay, they are in the utmoft diftrefs. " We have nothing to fear." That is, they are frightened out of their wits. " And we don't care " a farthing for you." Meaning, that they will take all the care in their power, that I (hall not find them out. But I may be too hard for you yet, young gentlewoman ! I have earned but a poor livelihood by mere fcandal and abufe ; but if I could once arrive at doing a little fubflantial mif- chief, I mould make my fortune. Enter Mrs. Goodman. Oh ! your fervant, Mrs. Goodman ! Yours is the mofl unfociable lodging-houfe in town. So many ladies, and only one gentleman ! and you won't take the leaft notice of him. Mrs. 12 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Mrs. Good. How fo, Mr. Spatter ? Spat. Why, did not you promife to introduce me to Amelia ? Mrs. Good. To tell you the plain truth, Mr. Spatter, {he don't like you. And, indeed, I don't know how it is, but you make yourfelf a great many enemies. Spat. Yes ; I believe I do raife a little envy. Mrs. Good. Indeed you are miflaken, Sir. As you are a lodger of mine, it makes me quite uneafy to hear what the world fays of you. How do you contrive to make fo many enemies, Mr. Spatter ? Spat. Becaufe I have merit, Mrs. Goodman. Mrs. Good. May be fo , but nobody will allow it but yourfelf. They fay that you fet up for a wit, indeed ; but that you deal in nothing but feandal, and think of nothing but mifchief. Spat. I do fpeak ill of the men fometimes, to te fure ; but then I have a great regard for women provided they are handfome : and that I may give you a proof of it, introduce me to Amelia. Mrs. Good. You muft excufe me ; fhe and you would be the word company in the world ; for fhe never fpeaks too well of herfelf, nor the lead ill of any body elfe. And then her virtue Spat. Pho, pho, fhe fpeaks ill of nobody, be- caufe THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 13 caufe fhe knows nobody ; and as for her virtue, ha, ha! Mrs. Good. You don't believe much in that, I fuppofe ? Spat. I have not over-much faith, Mrs. Gootl- man. Lord Falbridge, perhaps, may give a better account of it. Mrs. Good. Lord Falbridge can fay nothing but what would be extremely to her honour, I aflure you, Sir. \_Spatter laughs."} Well, well, you may laugh, but it is very true. Spat. Oh, I don't doubt it ; but you don't tell the whole truth, Mrs. Goodman. When any of your friends or acquaintance fit for their pictures, you draw a very flattering likenefs. All characters have their dark fide, and if they have but one eye, you give them in profile. Your great friend, Mr. Freeport, for inftance, whom you are always praii- ing for his benevolent actions Mrs. Good. He is benevolence itfelf, Sir. Spat. Yes, and grofihefs itfelf too. I remember him thefe many years. He always cancels an ob- ligation by the manner of conferring it ; and does you a favour, as if he were going to knock yow down. Mrs. Goad. A truce with your futire, good Mr. Spatter! i.j THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Spatter ! Mr. Freeport is my beft friend ; I owe him every thing ; and I can't endure the flighted reflexion on his character. Betides, he can have given no offence to lady Alton, whatever may be the cafe with Amelia. Spat. Lady Alton ! fhe is a particular friend of mine to be fure ; but, between you and me, Mrs. Goodman, a more ridiculous character than any you have mentioned. A bel efprit forfooth ! and as vain of her beauty as learning, without any great portion of either. A fourth Grace, and a tenth Mufe ! who fancies herfelf enamour' d of lord Falbridge, becaufe fhe would be proud of fuch a conqueft; and has lately bcflowed fome marks of diftinclion on me, becaufe fhe thinks it will give her credit among perfons of letters. Mrs. Good. Nay, if you can't fpare your own friends, I don't wonder at your attacking mine and fo, Sir, your humble ftrvant. But, ftay ! here's a poR-chaife flopp'd at our door; and here comes a fcrvant with a portmanteau ! 'Tis the gentleman for whom my firft floor was taken, I fiippofe. S[>at. Very likely r well, you will introduce me to him at Icail, Mrs. Goodman. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 15 Enter a fervant with a portmanteau. Sir William Douglas following. Sir Will. You are Mrs. Goodman, I fuppofe, madam ? Mrs. Good. At your fervice, Sir. Sir Will. Mr. Owen, I believe, has fecured apart- ments here ? Mrs. Good. He has, Sir. Sir Will. They are for me, madam. Have you any other lodgers ? Mrs. Good. Only that gentleman, Sir ; and a young lady Spat. Of great beauty and virtue. Eh, Mrs. Goodman ? Mrs. Good. She has both, Sir ; but you will fee very little of her, for (he lives in the moft retired manner in the world. Sir Will. Her youth and beauty are matter of great indifference to me ; for I mail be as much a reclufe as herfelf. Are there any news at prefent ftirring in London ? Mrs . Good. Mr. Spatter can inform you, Sir, for he deals in news. In the mean while, I'll prepare your apartments. [*//, followed ly the fervant. Ma f lent 16 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Manent Sir William Douglas, and Spatter; Sir William walks up and down, with out taking notice of Spatter. Spat. This muft be a man of quality by his ill manners. I'll fpeak to him [ajtde.'} [to Sir William.'} Will your lordfhip give me leave Sir Will. LorcHhip ! I am no lord, Sir, and muft beg not to be honoured with the name. Spat. It is a kind of miitake, that cannot dif- pleafe at leaft. Sir Will. I don't know that. None but a fool would be vain of a title, if he had one ; and none but an impoflor would aflame a tide, to which he has no right. Spat. Oh, you're of the houfe of commons then, a member of parliament, and are come up to town to attend the feilions, I fuppofe, Sir ? Sir Will. No matter what I am, Sir. Spat. Nay, no offence, I hope, Sir. All I meant was to do you honour. Being concerned in two evening-pods and one morning paper, I was wil- ling to know the proper manner of announcing your arrival. Sir Will. You have connections with the prefs then, it feems, Sir ? Spat. Yes, Sir ; I am an humble retainer to the Mufes, THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 17 Mufes, an author. I compofe pamphlets on all fubjels, compile magazines, and do news-papers. Sir Will. Do news-papers ! What do you mean by that, Sir ? Spat. That is, Sir, I collect the articles of news from the other papers and make new ones for the poftfcript, tranflate the mails, write occafional letters from Cato and Theatricus, and give fictitious anfwers to fuppofed correfpondents. Sir Will. A very ingenious as well as honourable employment, I muft confefs, Sir. Spat. Some little genius is requifite, to be fure. Now, Sir, if I can be of any ufe to you if you have any friend to be praifed, or any enemy to be abufed j any author to cry up, or minifter to run down ; my pen and talents are entirely at your fervice. Sir Will. I am much obliged to you, Sir, but at prefent I have not the leaft occafion for either. In return for your genteel offers, give me leave to trouble you with one piece of advice. When you deal in private fcandal, have a care of the cudgel } and when you meddle with publick matters, be- ware of the pillory ! Spat. How, Sir ! are you no friend to literature ? Are you an enemy to the liberty of the prefs ? VOL. II. C Sir i8 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Sir Will I have the greateft refpeft for both ; but railing is the difgrace of letters, and perfonal abufe the fcandal of freedom : Foul-mouthed cri- ticks, are in general difappointed authors ; and they, who are the loudeft againfl minifters, only mean to be paid for their filence. Spat. They may be fometimes, Sir , but give me leave to afk you Sir Will. Do not aflc me at prefent, Sir ! I fee a particular friend of mine coming this way, and I muft beg you to withdraw. Spat. Withdraw, Sir? firft of all allow me to Sir Wtll. Nay, no reply ! we muft be in pri- vate, [thru/ting out Spatter. Sir William Douglas alone. What a wretch ! as contemptible as mifchievous. Our generous maftiffs fly at men from an inftincl: of courage ; but this fellow's attacks proceed from an inftincl: of bafenefs. But here comes the faithful Owen, with as many good qualities as that execrable fellow feems to have bad ones. Enter Oiuen. Well, Owen ; I am Cafe arrived you fee. Owen. Ah, Sir ! would to Heaven you were as fafe returned again ! Have a care of betraying yourfelf THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 19 yourfelf to be Sir William Douglas! During your (lay here, your name is Ford, remember. Sir Will I fhall take care. But tell me your news ! What have you done fince your arrival ? Have you heard any thing of my daughter ? Have you feen lord Brumpton ? Has he any hope of obtaining my pardon ? Owen. He had, Sir. Sir IVilL And what can hare deftroyed it then ? Owen. My lord Brumpton is dead, Sir. Sir mil. Dead ! Owen. I faw him within this week in apparent good health ; he promifed to exert his whole in- tereft in your favour : By his own appointment I went to wait on him yefterday noon, when I was ftunned with the news of his having died fuddenly the evening before. Sir Will. My lord Brumpton dead ! the only friend I had remaining in England ; the only per- fon, on whofe interceflion I relied for my pardon. Cruel fortune ! I have now no hope, but to find my daughter. Tell me, Owen ; have you been able to hear any tidings of her ? Owen. Alas, Sir, none that are fatisfaftory. On the death of Mr. Andrews, in whofe care you left her, being cruelly abandoned by the relation C 2 who lo THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. \vho fucceeded to the eftate, fhe left the country fome months ago, and has not fmce been heard of. Sir Will. Itnhappy there too ! When will the meafure of my misfortunes be full ? When will the malice of my fate be fatisfied ? Profcribed, condemned, attainted, (alas, but too juftly !) I have loft my rank, my eftate, my wife, my fon, and all my family. One only daughter remains. Perhaps a wretched wanderer like myfelf, perhaps in the extremeft indigence, perhaps difhonoured Ha ! that thought diftracls me. Owen. My dear mailer, have patience ! Do not be ingenious to torment yourfelf, but confult your fafety, and prepare for your departure. i'/'r Will. No, Owen. Hearing, providentially, of the death of my friend Andrews, paternal care and tendernefs drew< me hither ; and I will not quit the kingdom till I learn fomething of 'my child, my dear Amelia, whom I left a tender in- nocent in the arms of the beft of women twenty years ago. Her lex demands protection ; and (he is now of an age, in which flie is more expofed to misfortunes than even in helplefs infancy. Owen. Be advifed , depart, and leave that care to me. Confider, your life is now at (lake. Sir Will. My life has been too miferable to render THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 21 render me very felicitous for its prefervation. But the completion of the times is changed ; the very name of the party, in which I was unhappily en- gaged, is extinguifhed, and the whole nation is xmanimoufly devoted to the throne. Difloyalty 2nd infurretion are now no more, and the fword of juftice is fuffered to fleep. If I can find my child, and find her worthy of me, I will fly with her to take refuge in fome foreign country ; if I am difcovered in the fearch, I have ftill fome hopes of mercy. Owen. Heaven grant your hopes may be well founded ! Sir Will. Come, Owen ! let us behave at lead with fortitude in our adverfity ! Follow me to my apartment, and let us confult what meafures we {hall take in fearching for Amelia. [Exeunt. Scene changes to Amelia's apartment. Amelia and Molly. Amelia. Poor Molly ! to be teazed with that jodious fellow, Spatter ! Molly. But, madam, Mr. Spatter fays he is ac- quainted with your whole hiflory. Amelia. Mere pretence, in order to render himfelf -formidable. Be on your guard againft him, my C 3 deaf 22 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. dear Molly ; and remember to conceal my mifery from him and all the world. I can bear poverty, but am not proof againft infult and contempt. Molly. Ah, my dear miflrefs, it is to no purpofe to'endeavour to hide it from the world. They will fee poverty in my looks. As for you, you can live upon the air ; the greatnefs of your foul feems to fupport you ; but lack-a-day, I (hall grow thin- ner and thinner every day of my life. Amelia. I can fupport my own diftrefs, but yours touches me to the foul. Poor Molly ! the labour of my hands (hall feed and clothe you. Here ! difpofe of this embroidery to the bed advantage ; what was formerly my amufement, mufl now be- come the means of our fubfiflence. Let us be obliged to nobody, but owe our fupport to in? duftry and virtue. Molly. You're an angel : Let me kifs thofe dear hands that have worked this precious embroidery ; let me bathe them with my tears ! You're an angel upon earth. I had rather ftarve in your fervice, than live with a princefs. What can I do to com- fort you ? dmelia.Thou faithful creature! only continue. to be fecret : You know my real charader ; you know I am in the utmoft diftrefs : I have opened my THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 23 my heart to you ; but you will plant a dagger there, if you betray me to the world. Molly. Ah, my dear miftrefs, how ihould I be- tray you ? I go no where, I converfe with nobody, but yourfelf and Mrs. Goodman : Befides, the world is very indifferent about other peoples' mif- fortunes. Amelia. The world is indifferent, it is true ; but it is curious, and takes a cruel pleafure in tearing open the wounds of the unfortunate. Enter Mrs. Good?nan. Mrs. Goodman ! Mrs. Good. Excufe me, madam : I took the liberty of waiting on you to receive your com- mands. 'Tis now near three o'clock. You have provided nothing for dinner, and have fcarce taken any refrefhment thefe three days. Amelia. I have been indifpofed. Mrs. Good. I am afraid you are more than in- difpofed -You are unhappy Pardon me ! but I cannot help thinking that your fortune is unequal to your appearance. Amelia. Why mould you think fo ? You nevejr heard me complain of my fortune. Mrs. Good. No, but I have too much reafon to believe it is inferior to your merit. C 4 Amelia* 2 4 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Amelia. Indeed, you flatter me. Mrs. Good. Come, come ; you muft not indulge this melancholy. I have a new lodger, an elderly gentleman, juft arrived, who does me the honour to partake of my dinner; and I muft have your company too. He feems to be in trouble as well as you. You muft meet ; two perfons in affliction may perhaps become a confolation to each other, Come, let us take fome care of you ! Amelia. Be aflured, Mrs. Goodman, I am much obliged to you for your attention to me ; but I want nothing. Mrs. Good. Dear madam ! you fay you want nothing, and you are in want of every thing. Enter Servant. Serv. [to Mrs. Good.'] Lady Alton, madam, fends her compliments, and will wait upon you after dinner. Mrs. Good. Very well ; my beft refpe&s to her ladyfhip, and I {hall be ready to attend her. [Exit Servant.] There, there is one caufe of your uneafmefs ! Lady Alton's vifit is on your account. She thinks you have robbed her of Lord Fal- bridge's affections, and that is the occafion of her honouring me with her company. Amelia. Lord Falbridge's affedions ! THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 25 Mrs. Good. Ah, my dear Amelia, you don't know your power over his heart. You have re- conciled it to virtue. But, come ! let me prevail on you to come with me to dinner. Amelia. You muft excufe me. Mrs. Good, Well, well, then I'll fend you fome- thing to your own apartment. If you have any other commands, pray honour me with them ; for J would fain oblige you, if I knew how it were in my power. [Exit, Manent Amelia and Molly. Amelia. "What an amiable woman ! If it had not been for her apparent benevolence and goodnefs of heart, I fhould have left the houfe on Mr. Spat- ter's coming to lodge in it. Molly. Lady Alton, it feems, recommended him as a lodger here ; fo he can be no friend of yours on that account ; for to be fure fhe owes you no good will, on account of my lord Falbridge. Amelia. No more of lord Falbridge, I befccch you, Molly. How can you perfifl in mentioning him, when you know that, prefuming on my fitua- tion, he has dared to affront me with difhonour- able propofals ? Molly. Ah, madam ! but he forely repents it, I promife you, and would give his whole eftate for an 26 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. an opportunity of feeing you once more, and get- ting into your good graces again. Amelia. No ; his ungenerous conduct has thrown him as much below me, as my condition had placed me beneath him. He imagined he had a right to infult my diftrefs ; but I will teach him to think it refpeftable, [Exeunt. ACT II, SCENE, An apartment at Mrs. Goodman's. Enter lady Alton and Spatter. Spat.~ J T)~UT you won't hear me, madam I .A3 L. Alt. I have heard too much, Sir, This wandering incognita a woman of virtue ! I have no patience. Spat. Mrs. Goodman pretends to be convinced of her being a perfon of honour. L. Alt. A perfon of honour, and openly receive vifits from men ! feduce lord Falbridge ! No, no : Referve this character for your next novel, Mr. Spatter ! it is an affront to my underftanding. I begin to fufpecl you have betrayed me j you have gone THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 27 gone over to the adverfe party, and are in the .confpiracy to abufe me. Spat. I, madam ! Neither her beauty, nor her virtue L. Alt. Herbeauty ! her virtue ! Why, thou wretch, thou grub of literature ! whom I, as a patronefs of learning and encournger of men of letters, willing to blow the dead coal of geniu9, fondly took un- der my protection, do you remember what I have done for you ? Spat. With the utmoft gratitude^ madam. L. Alt. Did not I draw you out of the garret, where you daily fpun out your flimfy brain to catch the town flies in your cobweb difTertations ? Did not I introduce you to lord Dapperwit, the Apollo of the age ? And did not you dedicate youf filly volume of Poems on Several Occafions to him ? Did not I put you into the lift of my vifitors, and order my porter to admit you at dinner-time ? Did not I write the only fcene in your execrable faxce, which the audience vouchfafed an hearing ? And did not my female friend, Mrs. Melpomene, fur- nifh you with Greek and Latin mottoes for your twopenny eflays ? Spat. I acknowledge all your ladyfhip's goodnefs to me. I have done every thing in my power to (hew rny gratitude, and fulfil your ladyfhip's commands. L. Alt. 2 8 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. L. Alt. Words, words, Mr. Spatter ! You have been witnefs of lord Falbridge's inconftancy. A perfidious man ! falfe as Phaon to Sappho, or Jafon to Medea ! You have feen him defert me for a wretched vagabond ; you have feen me aban- doned like Calypfo, without making a fingle effort to recall my faithlefs Ulyffes from the Siren that has lured him from me. Spat. Be calm but one moment, madam, and I'll L. Alt. Bid t}ie feabe calm, when the winds are let loofe upon it. I have reafon to be enraged. I placed you in genteel apartments in this houfe, merely to plant you as a fpy , and what have you done for me ? Have you employed your correfpon- dence to any purpofe ? or difcovered the real character of this infamous woman, this infolent Amelia ? Spat. I have taken every pofTible method to de- tect her. I have watched Amelia herfelf like ? bailiff, or a duenna ; I have overheard private converfations ; have founded the landlady; tam r pered with the fervants ; opened letters ; and in- tercepted meffages. L. Alt. Good creature ! my beft Spatter ! And ?i'hat ? what have you difcovered ? Spat. That Amelia is a native of Scotland 5 that her THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 29 her furname IValton is probably not real, but af- fumed ; and that (he earneftly wifhes to conceal both the place of her birth and her family. - L. Alt. And is that all ? Spat. All that I have been able to learn as yet, madam. L. Alt. Wretch ! of what fervice have you been then ? Are thefe your boafted talents ? "When we want to unravel an ambiguous character, you have made out that fhe wifhes to lie concealed ; and when we wifh to know who fhe is, you have juft difcovered that fhe is a native of Scotland. Spat. And yet, if you will give me leave, ma- dam, I think I could convince you that thefe dif- coveries, blind and unfatisfaclory as they may ap- pear to you at firft, are of no fmall confequence. L. Alt. Of what confequence can they pofllbly be to me, man ? Spat. I'll tell you, madam. It is a rule in po- liticks, when we difcover femething to add fome- thing more. Something added to fomething, makes a good deal ; upon this bafis I have formed a fyl- logifm. L. Alt. What does the pedant mean ? A fyllo- gifm ! Spat. Yes, a fyllojifm ; as for example : Any pcrlbu 3 o THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. perfon who is a native of Scotland, and wiflies to be concealed, muft be an enemy to the govern- ment. Amelia is a native of Scotland, and wiflies to be concealed. Ergo, Amelia is an enemy to the government. L. Alt. Excellent ! admirable logick \ but I wifh we could prove it to be truth. Spat. I would not lay a wager of the truth of it j but I would fwear it. Z.y///.What, on a proper occafion, and in aproper place, my good Spatter ? Spat. Willingly ; we muft make ufe of what we know, and even of what we don't know. Truth is of a dry and fmiple nature, and Hands in need of fome little ornament. A lie, indeed, is infamous ; but fiction, your ladyfhip, who deals in poetry, knows is beautiful. L. Alt. But the fubftance of your fiction, Spatter ? Spat. I will lodge an information that the father of Amelia is a difaffecled perfon, and has fent her to London for treafonable purpofes ; nay, I can upon occafion even fuppofe the father himfelf to be in London: In confequence ,of which you will probably recover lord Falbridge, and Amelia will be committed to prifon. L. Alt. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 31 L. Alt. You have given me new life. I took you for a mere ftainer of paper ; but I have found you a Machiavel. I hear fomebody coming. Mrs. Goodman has undertaken to fend Amelia hither. Ha! fhe's here! Away, Spatter, and wait for me at my houfe : You muft dine with me , and after dinner, like true politicians, we will fettle our plan of operations over our coffee. Away, away, this inftant ! [Exit Spatter. Lady Alton alone. A convenient engine this Mr. Spatter: The mcft im- pudent thorough-paced knave in the three king- doms ! with the heart of Zoilus, the pen of Mrcvius, and the tongue of Therfites. I was fure he would flick at nothing. The writings of auihors are pub- lick advertisements of their qualifications ; and when they profefs to live upon fcandal, it is as much as to fay, that they are ready for every other dirty work, in which we chufe to employ them. But now for Amelia ! If fhe proves tractable, I may forego the ufe of this villain, who almoft makes me hate my triumph, and be afhamed of my revenge. Enter Amelia. ytfw*7/V7.Mrs.Goodman has informed me that your ladyfliip has defired to fee me : I wait your com- mands, madam. L. Alt. 32 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. L. Alt. Look you, young woman : I am fenfible how much it is beneath a perfon of my rank, to parley with one of your condition. For once, how- ever, I am content to wave all ceremony ; and if you behave as you ought to do, you have nothing to fear, child. Amelia. I hope I have never behaved otherwife than as I ought to do, madam. L. Alt. Yes , you have received the vifits of lord Falbridge ; you have endeavoured to eftrange his affections from me : But, if you encourage him in his infidelity to me, tremble for the confequence ! Be advifed, or you are ruined. Amelia. I am confcious of no guilt, and know no fear, madam. L. Alt. Come, come, Mrs. Amelia, this high ftrain is out of character with me. Act over your Clelia, and Cleopatra, and Caffandra, at a proper time ; and let me talk in the ftile of nature and common fenfe to you. You have no lord Fal- bridge, no weak young nobleman, to impofe upon at prefent. Amelia. To impofe upon ! I fcorn the imputation, and am forry to find that your ladyfhip came hither, merely to indulge yourfelf in the cruel pleafure of.infulting one of the unhappiefl of her fcx - ^Weeping. L. Alt. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 33 L. Alt. You are miftaken j I came hitherto con- cert meafures for your happinefs, to aflift your poverty, and relieve your diftrefs. Leave this houfe ; leave London , I will provide you a retire- ment in the country, and fupply all your wants. Only renounce all thoughts of lord Falbridge, and never let him know the place of your retreat. Amelia. Lord Falbridge ! what is lord Falbridge to me, madam ? L. Alt. To convince me you have no commerce with him, accept of my propofals. Amelia. No, madam ; the favours which you in- tend me, I could not receive without blufhing. I have no wants but what I can fupply myfelf j no diftrefles which your ladyfhip can relieve ; and I will feek no refuge but in my own virtue. L. Alt. Your virtue! Ridiculous! If you are a woman of virtue, what is the meaning of all this myftery ? Who are you ? what are you ? who will vouch for your character ? Amelia. It wants no vouchers ; nor will I fuffer myfelf to be arraigned like a criminal, till I know by what authority you take upon you to act as my judge. L. Alt. Matchlefs confidence ! Yes, yes, it is too plain ! I fee you are the very creature I took VOL. II. D you 34 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT, you for ; a mere adventurer ! Some (trolling prin- cefs, that are perhaps more frugal of your favours than the reft of your fifterhood, merely to enhance the price of them. Amelia. Hold, madam ! This opprobrious lan- guage is more injurious to your own honour than to mine. I fee the violence of your temper, and will leave you. But you may one day know that my birth is equal to your own ; my heart is per- haps more generous ; and whatever may be my fituation, I fcorn to be dependant on any body ; much lefs on one, who has fo mean an opinion of me, and who confiders me as her rival. {Exit. Lady Alton alone. Her rival ! Unparalleled infolence ! An open avowal of her competition with me ! Yes ; I. fee Spatter muft be employed. Her rival ! I fhall burft with indignation ! Enter Mrs. Goodman. L. Alt. Mrs. Goodman ! where is Mr. Spatter ? Mrs. Good. He went out the moment he left your ladyfhip. But you feem difordcred ; {hall I get you fome hartfhorn, madam ? L. Ah. Some poifon.- Rival ! I {hall choke with rage. You {hall hear from me. You, and your Amelia* THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 35 Amelia. You have abufed me ; you bave con- fpired againft my peace ; and be afiured you mall fufFer for it ! \Exit. Mrs. Goodman alone. What a violent woman ! Her paflion makes her Forget what is due to her fex and quality. Ha ! Mr. Freeport ! Enter Freeport. My beft friend ! welcome to London ! When did you arrive from Lifbon ? Free. But laft night. Mrs. Good. I hope you have had a pleafant voyage ? Free. A good trading voyage I have got mo- ney, but I have got the fpleen too. Have you any news in town ? Mrs. Good. None at all, Sir. Free. So much the better. The lefs news, the lefs nonfenfe. But what ftrange lady have you had here ? I met her as I was coming up : She rumed by like a fury, and almofl fwept me down ilairs again with the wind of her hoop-petticoat. Mrs. Good. Ah ! Jealoufy ! Jcaloufy is a terri- ble paflion , efpccially in a woman's breaft, Mr. Freeport. D 2 Free. 3 6 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Free. Jealoufy ! Why, (he is not jealous of you, Mrs. Goodman ? Mrs. Good. No ; .but of a lodger of mine. Free. Have you any new lodgers fmce I left you ? Mrs. Good. Two or three, Sir ; the lad arrived but to-day ; an elderly gentleman, who will fee no company. Free. He's in the right. Three parts in four of mankind are knaves or fools ; and the fourth part live by themfelves. But who are your other lodgers ? Mrs. Good. An author, and a lady. Free. I hate authors. Who is the lady ? Mrs. Good. She calls herfelf Amelia Walton ; but 1 believe that name is not her real one. Free. Not her real one ! Why, fure fhe is a wo- man of character ? Mrs. Good* A woman of character ! She is an angel. She is mod miferably poor j and yet haughty to an excefs. Free. Pride and poverty ! A fad compofition, Mrs. Goodman. Mrs. Good. No, Sir j her pride is one of her greateft virtues : It confifts in depriving herfelf of almoft all neceflaries, and concealing it from the world. Though every action fpeaks her to be a THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 37 woman of birth and education, (he lives upon the work of her own hands, without murmur or com- plaint. I make ufe of a thoufand ftratagems to aflifl her, againfl her will ; I prevail on her to keep the money due for rent for her fupport, and fur- nifh her with every thing fhe wants at half its prime coft ; but if me perceives or fufpedts thefe little artifices, me takes it almofl as ill as if I had attempted to defraud her. In fhort, Sir, her un- fhaken virtue and greatnefs of foul under mis- fortunes, make me confider her as a prodigy, and often draw tears of pity and admiration from me. Free. Ah ! womens' tears lie very near their eyes. I never cried in my life ; and yet I can feel too ; I can admire, I can efteem,but what fignifies whimpering ? Hark ye, Mrs. Goodman ! This is a very extraordinary account you give of this young woman ; you have raifed my curiofity, and I'll go and fee this lodger of yours ; I am rather out of fpirits, and it will ferve to amufe me. Mrs. Good. Oh, Sir, you can't fee her; {he neither pays vifits nor receives them, but lives in the moft retired manner in the world. Free. So much the better. Hove retirement as well as me. Where are her apartments ? D 3 Mrs. 3 8 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Mrs. Good. On this very floor, on the other fide of the ftaircafe. Free. I'll go and fee her immediately. Mrs. Good. Indeed you can't, Sir. It is im- poflible. Free. Impoflible ! where is the impoflibility of going into a room ? Come along ! Mrs. Good. For Heaven's fake, Mr. Freeport ! Free. Pfhaw ! I have no time to lofe ; I have bufmefs half an hour hence. Mrs. Good. But won't it be rather indelicate, Sir ? Let me prepare her firft ! Free. Prepare her ? With all my heart. But remember that I am a man of bufmefs, Mrs. Goodman, and have no time to wafle in ceremony and compliment. [Exeunt, Amelia's apartment. Amelia at work, and Molly. Amelia. No, Polly ! If lord Falbridge conies again, I am refolved not to fee him. Molly. Indeed, madam, he loves you above all the world ; I am fure of it ; and I verily believe he will run mad, if you don't hear what he has to fay for himfelf. Amelia. Speak no more of him. Enter THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 39 Enter Mrs. Goodman. Mrs. Goodman ! Mrs. Good. Pardon me, madam i here is a gentleman of my acquaintance begs you would give him leave to fpcak with you. Amelia. A gentleman ! who is he ? Mrs. Good. His name is Freeport, Madam. He has a few particularities ; but he is the beft- hearted man in the world. Pray let him come in, madam ! Jmelia. By no means ; you know I receive vifits from nobody. Enter Frteport. Blefs me ! he's here. This is very extraordinary, indeed, Mrs. Goodman. Free. Don't difturb yourfelf, young woman \ don't difturb yourfelf ! Molly. Mighty free and eafy, methinks ! Amelia. Excufe me, Sir ; I am not ufed to receive vifits from perfons entirely unknown. Free. Unknown ! There is not a man in all London better known than I am. I am a merchant, my name is Freeport; Freeport of Crutched-Friars: enquire upon 'Change ! Amelia. Mrs. Goodman ! I never faw the gentle- man before. I am furprifed at his coming here. D 4 Fret. 40 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Free. Pho, prithee ! Mrs. Goodman knows me well enough. \_Mrs. Goodman talks apart with Amelia.'] Ay ! that's right, Mrs. Goodman. Let her know who I am, and tell her to make herfelf eafy. Mrs. Good. But the lady does not chufe we fhould trouble her, Sir. Free. Trouble her ? I'll give her no trouble , I came to drink a dim of tea with you ; let your maid get it ready, and we will have it here inftead of your parlour. In the mean time I will talk with this lady ; I have fomething to fay to her. Amelia. If you had any bufmefs, Sir Free. Bufmefs ! I tell you I have very particular bufmefs ; fo fit down, and let's have the tea. Mrs. Good. You fhould not have followed me fo foon, Sir. Free. Pho, prithee ! \_Exit Mrs. Goodman. Molly. This is the oddeft man I ever faw in my life. Amelia. Well, Sir, as I fee you are a particular acquaintance of Mrs. Goodman But pray what are your commands for me, Sir ? [They Jit. Free. I tell you what, young woman ; I am a plain man, and will tell you my mind in an inftant. I am told that you are one of the beft women in the THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 41 the world ; very virtuous, and very poor ; I like you for that: But they fay you are exceffively proud too ; now I don't like you for that, madam. Molly. Free and eafy ftill, I fee. Amelia. And pray, Sir, who told you fo ? Free. Mrs. Goodman. Amelia. She has deceived you, Sir ; not in regard to my pride, perhaps, for there is a certain right pride which every body, efpecially women, ought to poffefs ; and as to virtue, it is no more than my duty : But as to poverty, I difclaim it ; they who want nothing, cannot be faid to be poor. Free. It is no fuch thing : You don't fpeak the truth ; and that is worfe than being proud. I know very well that you are as poor as Job, that you are in want of common neceflaries, and don't make a good meal above once in a fortnight. Molly. My miftrefs fafts for her health, Sir. Free. Hold your tongue, hufly ! What, are you proud too ? Molly. Lord, what a ftrange man ! Free. But however, madam, proud or not proud, does not fignify twopence. Hark ye, young wo- man, it is a rule with me (as it ought to be with every good Chriftian) to give a tenth part of my fortune in chanty. In the account of my profits, there 42 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. there (lands at prefent the fum of two thoufand pounds on the credit fide of my books ; fo that I am two hundred pounds in arrear. This 1^ look upon as a debt due from my fortune to your poverty. Yes, your poverty, I fay, fo never deny it. There's a bank-note for two hundred pounds j and now I am out of your debt. Where the deuce is this tea, I wonder ? Molly. I never faw fuch a man in my life. Amelia. I don't know that I ever was fo tho~ roughly confounded. [Apart. ~} Sir ! [To Freeport. Free. Well ? Amelia. This noble aclion has furprifed me ftill more than your converfation, but you muft excufe my refufal of your kindnefs ; for I muft confefs, that if I were to accept what you offer, I don't know when I mould be able to reflore it. Free. Reftore it ! why, who wants you to reflore it ? I never dreamt of reftitution. Amelia. I feel, I feel your goodnefs to the bottom of my foul ; but you muft excufe me. I have no occafion for your bounty ; take your note, Sir, and bellow it where it is wanted. Molly. Lord, madam ! you are ten times ftranger than the gentleman. I tell you what, Sir; \to Frfeporf] it does not figiiify talking ; we are in the greateft THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 43 greateft diftrefs in the world, and if it had not been for the kindnefs and good-nature of Mrs. Goodman, we might have died by this time. My lady has concealed her diftrefs from every body that was willing and able to relieve her ; you have come to the knowledge of it in fpite of her teeth ; and I hope that you will oblige her, in fpite of her teeth, to accept of your generous offer. Amelia. No more, my dear Polly; if you would not have me die with fhame, fay no more ! Return the gentleman his note, with my befh thanks for his kindnefs ; tell him, I durft not accept of it ; for when a woman receives prefents from a man, the world will always fufpecl: that (he pays for them at the expence of her virtue. Free. What's that ? what does fhe fay, child? Molly. Lord, Sir, I hardly know what (lie fays. She fays, that when a gentleman makes a young lady prefents, he is always fuppofed to have a de fign upon her virtue. Free. Nonfenfe ! why fliould flie fufpecl: me of an ungenerous defign, beeaufe I do a generous action? Melly. Do you hear, madam ? Amelia. Yes, I hear ; I admire ; but I muft perfift in my refufal : If that fcamlalous fellow Spatter were 44 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. were to hear of this, he would ftick at faying no- thing. Free. Eh ! what's that ? Molly. She is afraid you fliould be taken for her lover, Sir. Free. I for your lover ! not I. ' I never faw you before. I don't love you ; fo make no fcruples upon that account ; I like you well enough, but I don't love you at all ; not at all, I tell you. If you have a mind never to fee my face any more, good bye t'ye ! you {hall never fee me any more ; if you like I mould come back again, I'll come baek again. But I lofe time; I have bufinefs ; your fervant ! [Going. Amelia. Stay, Sir ! do not leave me without re- ceiving the fincerelt acknowledgments of my gra- titude and efteem ; but, above all, receive your note again, and do not put me any longer to the blufh ! Free. The woman is a fool ! Ente? Mrs, Goodman. Amelia. Come hither, I befeech you, Mrs. Good- man. Mrs. Good. Your pleafure, madam ! Amelia. Here ! fake this note, which that gentle- THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 45 man has given me by miflake $ return it to him, I charge you ! aflure him of my efteem and admira- tion ; but let him know I need no afliftance, and cannot accept it. [Exit. Manent Freeport, &c. Mrs. Good. Ah ! Mr. Freeport ! you have been at your old trade. You are always endeavouring to do good actions in fecret ; but the world always finds you out, you fee. Molly. Well, I don't believe there are two ftranger people in England than my miflrefs, and that gentleman ; one fo ready to part with money ; and the other fo unwilling toVeceive it. But don't believe .her, Sir ; for, between friends, (he is in very great need of afliftance, I aflure you. Mrs. Good. Indeed I believe fo. Free. Oh, I have no doubt on't ; fo I'll tell you what, Mrs. Goodman ; keep the note, and fupply her wants out of it without her knowledge ; and, now I think of it, that way is better than t'other. Molly. I never faw fuch a ftrange man in my life. {.Exit. Mrs. Good. I (hall obey your kind commands, Sir. Poor foul! my heart bleeds for her; her virtue and misfortunes touch me to the foul. Free. 4 6 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Free. I have fdme little feeling for her too ; but flie is too proud. A fine face ; fine figure -, well behaved ; well bred ; and I dare fay an excellent heart ! But fhe is too proud ; tell her fo, d'ye hear? tell her fhe is too proud. I (hall be too late for my bufinefs I'll fee her again foon It is pity (he is fo proud. ^Exeunt. AC T III. Scene, a ball. Sir William Douglas alone. A YOUNG woman! a native of Scotland! her name Amelia ! fuppofed to be in the greateft diftrefs, and living in total retirement ! If fortune fhould for once fmile upon me, and have thrown me into the very fame houfe ! I don't know what to think of it ; and yet fo many un- common circumflances together recall the memory of my misfortunes, and awaken all the father in my bofom. I muft be fatisfied; Enter Molly, cr offing the Jl age. Sir IVtll. Madam ! will you permit me to fpeak one word to you ? Molly. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 47 Molly, {coming forward.'} If you pleafe. What is your pleafure, Sir ? Sir Will. I prefume, Madam, you are the charm- ing young woman I heard of ? Molly. I have a few charms in the eyes of fume folks, to be fure, Sir. Sir Will. And you are a native of Scotland, they tell me ? Molly. I am, at your fervice, Sir. Sir Will. Will you give me leave to aflc the name of your family ? Who is your father ? Molly. I really don't remember my father. Sir Will. Ha ! not remember him, do you fay ? \_Earneftly. Molly. No, Sir ; but I have been told that he was Sir Will. Who, madam ? Molly. One o the moft eminent bakers in Aberdeen, Sir. Sir Will. Oh, I conceive ! You live, I fuppofe, with the young lady I meant to fpeak to. I mif- took you for the lady herfelf. Molly. You did me a great deal of honour, I aflure you, Sir. Sir Will. But you are acquainted with your miftrefs's family ? Molly. 48 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Mclly. Family, Sir ! Sir Will. Ay ; who are her parents ? Molly. She comes of very creditable parents, I promife you, Sir. Sir Will. I don't doubt it ; but who are they ? I have particular reafons for .enquiring. Molly. Very likely fo ; but I muft beg to be excufed, Sir. Sir Will. Of what age is your miftrefs ? You will tell me that at lead. Molly. Oh, as to her age, (he don't care who Jcnows that j fhe is too young to deny her age yet a-while. She is about one-and-twenty, Sir. Sir Will. Precifely the age of my Amelia ! [apart. One-and-twenty, you fay ? Molly. Yes, Sir ; and I am about two-and- twenty ; there is no great difference between us. Sir Will, \_apart.~] It muft be fo ; her age, her country, her manner of living, all concur to prove her mine ; my dear child, whom I left to tafte of misfortune from her cradle ! Molly, [apart.'} What is he muttering, I won- der ! I wifli this one-and-twenty has not turned the old gentleman's head. Sir THE ENGLISH MEPvCHANT. 49 Sir Will. Let me beg the favour of you to con- duct me to your miftrefs : I want to fpeak with her. Molly. She will fee no company, Sir j fhe is in- difpofed ; fhe is in great affliction ; and receives nb vifits at all. Sir Will. Mine is not a vifit of form or cere- mony, or even impertinent curiofity -, but on the mod urgent bufinefs. Tell her I am her fellow- countryman. Molly. What ! are you of Scotland too, Sir ? Sir Will. I am. Tell her I take part in her af- flictions, and may, perhaps, bring her fome confolation. Molly. There is fomething mighty particular about this old gentleman ! He has not brought another two hundred pounds, fure ! \_Apart. ~\ Well, Sir ; fmce you are fo very prefiing, fince you fay you are our fellow-countryman, if you will walk this way, I'll fpeak to my miftrefs, and fee what I can do for you. Sir Will. I am obliged to you. \_Exit Molly.~\ And now, if I may truft the forebodings of an old fond heart, I am going to throw my arms about my daughter. [#//. VOL. II. E As 5 o THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. As Sir William fo/loivs Molly out on one fedf t Spatter appears on the other. Spatter alone. There they go ! what the deuce can. that old fellow and Amelia's maid do together ? The flut is certainly conducing him to her miftrefs ! In lefs than half an hour I expect that Amelia will be apprehended. In the mean time, I muft be upon the watch ; for, fince I have laid the information, it is high time that I mould collect fome materials to fupport it. Who conies here ? Lord Falbridge's valet de chambre : His errand is to Amelia, without doubt ; fomething may be learnt there, perhaps. Enter La France. Ha ! Monfieur la France ! your fervant. La. Fr. Serviteur ! ver glad to fee you, mon- fieur Spatter. Spat. Well ; what brings you here ? eh,, mon- fieur La France ? La. Fr. Von lettre, monfieur. Spat. A letter to whom ? La. Fr. From mi lor to Mademoifelle Amelie. Spat. Oh, you're miflaken, monfieur ; that letter is for lady Alton. La. Fr. Lady Alton ! no, ma foi ! it be for Mademoifelle, THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 51 Mademoifelle. I am no miftake. Je ne me trompe pas la dejjus. Spat. Why, have not you carried feveral letters from lord Falbridge to lady Alton ? La. Fr. Oh, que oui ! but dis be for de young laty dat lif here ; for Mademoifelle : Mi lor lov her ! ma foi ; he lov her a lafolie. Spat. And he loved lady Alton a la folie t did not he ? La. Fr. Oh, que non ! he lov her fo gentely / ft tranquilement ; ma foi, he lov her a la Fran$oife. But now he lov Mademoifelle ; he no eat, no fleep, no fpeak, but Mademoifelle ; no tink but of Mademoifelle ; quite an oder ting, monfieur Spat- ter, quite an oder ting ! Spat. Well, wellj no matter for that; the letter is for lady Alton, I promife you. La. Fr. Ah ! pardonnez moi ! Spat. It is, I aflure you ; and to convince you of it, fee here, monfieur ! Lady Alton has fent you five guineas to pay the portage. La. Fr. Five guinees ! ma foi , I believe I was miftake, indeed. Spat. Ay, ay ; I told you you were miftaken : And after all, if it mould not be for her ladyfhip, {he will enclofe it in another cafe, and fend it to Amelia, and nobody will be the wifer. E2 La Fr. j2 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. La. Fr. Fort bien ; ver well ; la voi/a. [gives the letter. ,] I have got five guinees ; I don't care. Spat. Why fhould you ? Where's the harm, if one woman fhould receive a letter written to an- other ? There will be nothing loft by it j for if Amelia don't receive this, fhe will receive others ; and letters of this fort are all alike, you know. La. Fr. Begar dat is ver true. Adieu, Sir. I have execute my commiffion : Adieu. Oh ! je fals bien mes commijjions y mot ! [Exit. Spatter alone. See the effects of fecret-fervice-money ! Intel- ligence muft be paid for ; and the bribing couriers is a fair ftratagem, by all the laws of war. Shall I break open this letter ; or carry it to lady Alton as it is ? No ; I'll read it myfelf, that I may have the credit of communicating the contents. Let me fee ! [opens the letter and reads.'] " Thou dear- " eft, moft refpe&able, and moft virtuous of wo- " men !" So ! this is a la folie, indeed, as monfieur la France calls it. " If any consideration could tc add to my remorfe, for the injury I have offered " you, it would be the difcovery of your real " character." Ah, ah ! "I know who you are. " I know you are the daughter of the unhappy " Sir William Douglas." So, fo ! "Judge then " of THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 53 " of the tumult of my foul ; which Is only pre- " ferved from the horrors of defpair, by the " hopes' of rendering fome fervice to the father, " which may, perhaps, in fome meafure atone " for my behaviour to his too-juftly offended " daughter. Give me leave, this evening, to fue " for my pardon at your feet, and to inform you " of the meafures I have taken. In the mean time, " believe me unalterably yours. Falbridge." This is a precious pacquet, indeed. Now if I could difcover the father too ! His lordfliip's vifit will be too late in the evening, I fancy ; the lady will not be at home; but, before (he goes, once more to my old trade of eaves-dropping about her apartments ! The old gentleman and (he are certainly together, and their converfation per- haps may be curious. At all events, lady Alton muft be gratified. Men of letters never get any thing of their patrons, but by facrificing to their foibles. [Exit. Amelia's apartment. Sir IVilliam Douglas and Amelia discovered fitting. Sir Will. Every word you utter, touches me to the foul. Nothing but fuch noble fentiments could have fupported your fpirit under fo many misfortunes. Amelia. Perhaps it is to my misfortunes that I E 3 owe 54 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. owe thofe fentiments ; had I been brought up in eafe and luxury, my mind, which has learnt for- titude from diflrefs, might have been enfeebled by profperity. Sir Will. Thou moft amiable of thy fex, I con." jure thee to hide nothing from me. You fay you were born at Aberdeen -, you confefs that you are derived from one of thofe unhappy families, who fuffered themfelves to be fo fatally deluded, and drawn from their allegiance to the beft of kings. Why, why then, will you not tell me all ? Why do you endeavour to conceal your name and family ? Amelia. My duty to my family obliges me to filence. My father's life is forfeited by the fen-r tence of the law ; and he owes his exiftence at this hour to flight or fecrecy. He may be in Eng- land ; he may, for aught I know, be in London ; and the divulging my name and family might create a frefh fearch after him, and expofe him to new perils. Your converfation, it is true, has infpired me with refpecl: and tendernefs ; but yet you are a ftranger to me : I have reafon to fear every thing, and one word may undo me. Sir IKU. Alas ! one word may make us both happy. Tell me ; of what age were you, when your cruel fortune feparated you from your father ? Amelia. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. S5 Amelia. An infant ; fo young, that I have not the leaft traces of him in my memory. Sir Will. And your mother ; what became of her? Amelia. She, as I have often heard, was carried ofFby a fever, while (he was preparing to embark with me, to follow the fortunes of my father. He, driven almoft to defpair by this lalt ftroke of ill fortune, continually fhifted his place of refi- dence abroad ; but for fome years paft, whether by his death, the mifcarriage of letters, the infide- lity of friends, or other accidents, I have not re- ceived the leaft intelligence of him ; and now I almoft begin to defpair of hearing of him again, tho* I ftill perfift in my enquiries. Sir Will. [rifing.~] It muft be fo ; it is as I ima- gined. All thefe touching circurnftances are me- lancholy witnefies of the truth of it. Yes, my child ! I am that unhappy father, whom you loft fo early, I am that unfortunate huiband, whom death and my unhappy fate, almoft at the very fame period, divorced from the beft of wives ; I am Sir William Douglas. Amelia. Sir William Douglas ! Have I lived to fee my father? then Heaven has heard my prayers! This is the firft happy moment of my unfortunate E 4 life. 5<5 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. life, {embracing.] And yet your prefence here fills me with apprehenfions ; I tremble for your fafety, for your life ; how duril you venture your per- fon in this kingdom ? how can you expofe your- felf to the danger of difcovery in this town ? My whole foul is in a tumult of fear and joy. Sir IPill. Do not be alarmed, my Amelia ; fear nothing ; Heaven begins to fmile upon my for-, tune. To find thee fo unexpectedly, to find thee with a mind fo fuperior to diftrefs, foftens the anguifli of my paft life, and gives me happy omens of the future. Amelia. Oh, Sir ! by the joy I receive from the embraces of a father, let me conjure you to pro- vide for your fafety ! do not expofe me to the horror of lofing you again ; of lofing you for ever ! Qiiit this town immediately ; every mo- ment that you remain in it, is at the hazard of your life ; I am ready to accompany you to any part of the world. Sir 7-P~ill. My dear child ! how I grieve that your youth and virtue mould be involved in my mis- fortunes ! Yes, we v.-ill quit this kingdom ; pre- pare for your departure, and we may leave Lon- don this evening. Enter THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 57 Enter Owen ha/lily. Ha ! Owen ! thou art come at a happy moment. I have found my daughter. This is your young miftrefs, the paragon of her fex, my dear, my amiable Amelia ! Owen. Oh, Sir, this is no time for congratula- tion. You are in the moft imminent danger. Sir IVill. What is the matter ? Owen. The officers of government are at this inftant in the houfe. I faw them enter ; I heard them fay they had authority to apprehend fome fufpe&ed perfon, and I ran immediately to inform you of your danger. Amelia. Oh, Heaven ! My father, what will you do ? Owen. Do not be alarmed, Sir ; we are two ; we are armed ; and we may perhaps be able to make our way through them ; I will (land by you to the laft drop of my blood. Sir Will. Thou faithful creature ! Stay, Owen ; our fears may betray us ; till we are fure we are attacked, let us fhew no figns of oppofition ! Enter Molly, hajllly. Molly. My dear miftrefs ! we are ruined ; we are undone for ever. Amelia. 58 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Amelia. There are officers of juftice in the houfe ; I have heard it : tell me, tell me this inftant, whom do they feek for ? Molly. For you, madam ; for you , they have a warrant to apprehend you, they fay. Amelia. But they have no warrant to apprehend any body elfe ? Molly. No, madam ; nobody elfe ; but I will follow you to the end of the world. Amelia. My dear Polly, I did not mean>'c. Retire, Sir ! [to Sir William.'] For heaven's leave me to their mercy ; they can have no facts againft me \ my life has been as innocent as unfortunate, and I muft foon be releafed. Sir Will No, my child ; I will not leave thee. Molly. My child ? This is Sir William Douglas then, as fure as I am alive ! Sir Will. Befides, retiring at fuch a time might create fufpicion, and incur the danger we would wifh to avoid. Molly. They will be in the room in a moment ; I think I hear them upon the flairs ; they would have been here before me, if Mr. Freeport had not come in and ftopt them. Sir Will. Courage, my dear Amelia ! Amelia. Alas, Sir? I have no terrors but for you. Owen. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 59 Owen. They are here, Sir. Molly. Oh, lord ! here they are, indeed ! I am frighted out of my wits. Enter Mrs. Goodman^ Freeport, and Officer. Free. A warrant to feize her ? a harmlefs young woman ? it is impoflible. Officer. Pardon me, Sir ; if the young lady goes by the name of Amelia Walton, I have a warrant to apprehend her. Free. On what account ? Officer. As a dangerous perfon. Free. Dangerous ! Officer. Yes, Sir ; fufpefted of difaffeaion and treafonable practices. Amelia. I am the unhappy objecT: of your fearch, Sir ; give me leave to know the fubftance of the 3ccufation. Officer. I cannot tell you particulars, madam ; but information upon oath has been made againfl you, and I am ordered to apprehend you. Mrs. Good. But you will accept of bail, Sir ? I will be bound for all I am worth in the world. Officer. In thefe cafes, madam, bail is not ufual ; and if ever accepted at all, it is excemvely high ; and 60 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. and given by perfons of very large property, and known character. Free. Well ; my property is large enough, and my character very well known. My name is Freeport. Officer. I know you very well, Sir. Free. I'll anfwer for her appearance ; I'll be bound in a penalty of five hundred pounds, a thoufand, two thoufand, or what fum you pleafe. Officer. And will you enter into the recognifance immediately ? Free. With all my heart; come along ! [Going. Officer. And are you in earneft, Sir ? Free. Ay, to be fure. Why not ? Officer. Becaufe, Sir, I'll venture to fay there are but few people, that place their money on fuch fecurities. Free. So much the worfe ! he who can employ it in doing good, places it on the befl fecurity, and puts it out at the higheft intereft in the world. [Exit with the Officer. Manent Sir William Douglas, &c. Sir Will. I can hardly truft my eyes and ears ! who is this benevolent gentleman ? Mrs, THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 61 Mrs. Good. I don't wonder you are furprifed at Mr. Freeport's manner of proceeding, Sir ; but it is his way. He is not a man of compliment ; but he does the moft eflential fervice, in lefs time than others take in making proteftations. Molly. Here he is again ; heaven reward him ! Re-enter Freeport. Free. So ! that matter is difpatched ; now to our other affairs ! this is a bufy day with me. Look- ye, Sir William, we muft be brief j there is no time to be loft. Sir Will. How ! am I betrayed then ? Free. Betrayed ! no ; but you are difcovered. Owen. What ! my mafter difcovered ! {Offers to draw. Free, [to Owen.~] Nay, never clap thy hand to thy fword, oldTrufly! your mafter is in danger, it is true ; but not from me, I promife you. Go, and get him a poft-chaife ; and let him pack off this inftant ; that is the beft way of mewing your attachment to him at prefent. Twenty years, Sir William, have not made fo great an alteration in you, but I knew you the moment I faw you. Mrs. Good. Harbour no diftruft of Mr. Free- port, Sir ; he is one of the worthiefl men living. 62 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Amelia. I know his worthinefs. His behaviour to the officer but this moment, uncommonly- generous as it appeared, is not the firft teftimony he has given me to-day, of his noble difpofition. Free. Noble ! pfhaw ! nonfenfe ! Sir Will, [to Freeport.~] Sir ; the kind manner in which you have been pleafed to intereft yourfelf in my affairs, has almoft as much overpowered me, as if you had furprifed me with hoftile proceedings. Which way (hall I thank you for your goodnefs to me and my Amelia ? Free. Don't thank me at all ; when you are out of danger, perhaps I may make a propofal to you, that will not be difagreeable ; at prefent, think of nothing but your efcape ; for I mould not be furprifed, if they were very fhortly to make you the fame compliment they have paid to Amelia : and in your cafe, which is really a ferious one, they might not be in the humour to accept of my recognifance. Mrs. Good. Mr. Freeport is in the right, Sir ; every moment of delay is hazardous ; let us prevail upon you to depart immediately ! Amelia being wholly innocent, cannot be long detained in cuftody, and as foon as (he is releafed, I will bring her to you, wherever you fhall appoint. Free. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 63 Free. Ay, ay, you muft be gone directly, Sir ; and as you may want ready money upon the road, take my purfe ! [Offering his purfe. Sir Will. No, thou trueft friend, I have no need of i^. With what wonderful goodnefs have you a&ed towards me and my unhappy family ! Free. Wonderful ! why wonderful ? W^ould not you have done the fame, if you had been irt my place ? Sir mil. I hope I mould. Free. Well then, where is the wonder of it ? Come, come, let us fee you make ready for your departure ! Sir Will Thou beft of men ! Free. Beft of men ? Heaven forbid ! I have done no more than my duty by you. I am a man myfelf ; and am bound to be a friend to all man- kind > you know. \JLxeunt. ACT 64 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. ACT IV. SCENE, Spatter's apartment. Lady Alton with a letter in her hand y and Spatter. Lady Alton, THANKS, my good Spatter, many thanks for this precious epiftle ! more precious at prefent than one of Ovid, Pliny, or Cicero. It is at once a billet-doux and a ftate paper ; and ferves at the fame time to convicl: her of confpiring againft me and the publick. Spat. It is a valuable manufcript, to be fure, madam ; and yet that is but the leaft half of my difcoveries, fince I left your ladyfhip. L. Alt. But is not this half, according to the Grecian axiom, more than the whole, Mr. Spatter ? Spat. When you know the whole, I believe you will think not, madam. L. Alt. Out with it then ! I am impatient to be miftrefs of it. Spat. By intercepting this letter of lord Fal- bridge's, your ladyfhip fees that we have difcovered Amelia to be the daughter of Sir William Douglas. L. Alt. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 5 L. Alt. True. Spat. But \vhat would you fay, madam, if I had found OIK the father himfelf too ? L. Alt. Sir William Douglas ! Spat. Is now in this houfe, madam. L, Alt. Impoffible! Spat. Nothing more certain. He arrived this morning, under a feigned name. I faw him con- ducted to Amelia's apartment. This raifed my fufpicion, and I planted myfelf at her door, with all the circumfpection of a fpy, and addrefs of a chambermaid. There I overheard their mutual acknowledgments of each other ; and a curious interview it was. Firft they wept for grief ; and then they wept for joy ; and then they wept for grief again. Their tears, however, were foon in- terrupted by the arrival of the officer, whofe pur- pofe was partly defeated, as you have already heard, by the intervention of Freeport. L. Alt. Yes -, the brute ! But that delay was not half fo unfortunate, as your difcoveries have been happy, Spatter; for my revenge mall now return on them with redoubled fury. Iflue out upon them once more ; fee what they are about ; and be fure to give me immediate notice if lord Falbridge fhould come. [Going. VOL. II. F Spat. 66 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Spat. Stay, madam. After intercepting the letter, I fent for your ladyfhip, that at fo critical a juncture, you might be prefent on the fpot: and if you go home again, we fhall lofe time, which perhaps may be precious, in running to and fro. Suppofe you ftep into the ftudy, till I return. You will find my own anfwer to my laft pamphlet, and the two firft meets of the next month's magazine, to amufe you. L. Alt. Planned like a wife general ! Do you then go, and reconnoitre the enemy, while I lie here in ambum to reinforce you as foon as there fhall be occafion. Do but give the word, we'll make a vigorous fally, put their whole body to rout, and take Amelia and her father prifoners. \Exeunt fever ally. A halt. Freeport alone. I don't know how it is ; but this Amelia here runs in my head ftrangely. Ever fince I faw her, I think of nothing elfe. I am not in love with her. In love with her ! that's nonfenfe. But I feel a kind of uneafmefs, a fort of pain that I don't know what to make of it I'll fpeak to her father about her. Enter THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 6^ Enter Owen. Well, old True-penny ! Have you prepared every thing for Sir William's departure ? Owen. We had need be going, indeed, Sir ; we are in continual danger while we flay here. Who d'ye think lodged the information againft madani Amelia ? Free. Who? Owen. A perfon who lodges in this very houfe, it feems : One Mr. Spatter, Sir. Free. Spatter ! how d'ye know ? Owen. I had it from one of the officers who came to apprehend her. Free. A dog ! I could find in my heart to cut off his ears with my own hands, and fave him the difgrace of the pillory. Owen. My poor mafter is always unfortunate. If lord Brumpton had lived a week longer, SirWilliam might perhaps have been out of the reach of their malice. Free. Lord Brumpton ? Owen. Yes, Sir. He was foliciting my matter's pardon ; but died before he had accomplished his benevolent intentions. Free* Ha ! a thought ftrikes me. \_4part.~\ Hark Fa ye, 68 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. ye, friend, [to Owen] does Sir William know the prefent Lord Brumpton ? Owen. No, Sir. The late lord had no children,, or near relations, living ; and, indeed, he was the only furviving friend of my poor mafter in the kingdom. Free. Is the chaife at the door ? Owen. Not yet, Sir ; but I expect it every moment. Free. Run to your mailer, and defire him not to go till I fee him. Tell him I am going out upon his bufmefs, and will be back within this hour. Owen. I will let him know immediately. Ah, you're a true friend indeed, Sir. [Shaking him earnejlly by tie land. Free. Pho, prithee! Owen. Ah ! Heaven preferve you ! [Exit, Freeport alone. Fare thee well, old Honefty \ By the death of lord Brumpton, without children or near relations living, as Owen fays, the title and eftate come to my old friend Jack Brumpton, of Liverpoole ; who is of a diflant branch ; a fortieth coufin, for aught I know j who has pad his whole life in a counting-houfe j and who, a few years ago, no more THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 69 more dreamt of being a lord, than grand fignior, or great mogul. He has fo good a heart, that I believe it is impofilble even for a title to corrupt it. I know he is in town ; fo I'll go to him im- mediately ; acquaint him with the obligation en- tailed on him, to be of fervice to Sir William \ and make him heir to the benevolence of his pre- deceflbr, as well as his wealth and dignity. [Going, ftops.~\ Who's here ! Mrs. Goodman and Spatter, as I live ! Oh, the dog ! my blood rifes at the villain. If I don't take care, I {hall incur an action of battery for caning the rafcal. Enter Mrs. Goodman and Spatter. Mrs. Good. In fhort, Mr. Spatter, I muft beg leave to give you warning, and defire that you would provide yourfelf with another lodging as foon as poflible. Spat. What now ? what the deuce is the matter with you, Mrs. Goodman ? Mrs. Good. I fee now the meaning of lady Alton's recommendation of fuch a lodger to my houfe, as well as of her vifits to Amelia, and her frequent conferences with you, Sir. Spat. The woman is certainly out of her fenfes. F 3 Free. 70 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Free. What, has been laid to your charge is no joke, Sir. Spat. What ! are you there to keep up her back- hand, Mr. Freeport ? What is all this ? Free. You are found out to be a fpy, Sir. Mrs. Good. A perfon who pries into the fecrets of families, merely to betray them. Free. An informer. Mrs. Good. An eaves-dropper. Free. A liar. Spat. Right-hand and left ! this is too much ; what the plague is the matter with you both ! Mrs. Good. Did not you go and tell that Amelia was a native of Scotland ? Spat. Well ; and where's the harm of being born in Scotland ? Free. None ; except by your malicious interpre- tation, rafcal ; by means of which you made it the ground of an information againft her, and were the caufe of her being apprehended. Spat. And you were the caufe of her being re- leafed ; every man in his way, Mr. Freeport ! Free. Look you, firrah ! you are one of thofe wretches, who mifcall themfelves authors ; a fel- low, whole heart, and tongue, and pen, are equally fcandalous ; who try to infinuate yourfelf every THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 71 where, to make mifchief if there is none, and to increafe it, if you find any. But if you fetch and carry like a fpaniel, you muft be treated like one. I have obferved that you are always loitering in the pafiages ; but if J catch you within the wind of a door again, I'll beat you till you are as black as your own ink, firrah, Now you know my mind. \_Exit. Spat. Very civil and very polite, indeed, Mr. Free- port. Ha ! here comes my friend lord Falbridge. Mrs. Good. Lord Falbridge your friend ? For fhame, Mr. Spatter ! Enter Lord Falbridge y bajiily. L. Fal. Mrs. Goodman, I rejoice to fee you. Tell me, how does my Amelia ? I have heard of her diftrefs, and flew to her relief. Was (he alarmed ? was (he terrified ? Mrs. Good. Not much, my lord : She fuftained the mock with the fame conftancy that me endures every other affliction. L. Fal. I know h^r merit; I am too well ac- quainted with her greatnefs of foul ; and hope it is not yet too late for me to do juftice to her virtue. Go to her, my dear Mrs. Goodman, and tell her, I beg to fee her : I have fomething that concerns her very nearly, to impart to her. F 4 Mrs, 72 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Mrs. Good. I will, my lord. [Exit. L. Fal. Oh, Mr. Spatter ! I did not fee you. What have you got there, Sir ? [Seeing a paper in his hand. Spat. Propofals for a new work, my lord ! May I beg the honour of your lordftiip's name among my lift of fubfcribers ? L. Fal. With all my heart, Sir. I am already in your debt on another account. [Pulling out his purfe. Spat. To me, my lord ? You do me a great deal of honour ; I mould be very proud to be of the leaft fervice to your lordfhip. /,. Fal. You have been of great fervice to me already, Sir. It was you, I find, lodged the in- formation againft this young lady. Spat. I did no more than my duty, my lord. L. Fal. Yes ; you did me a favour, Sir. I con- fuler only the deed, and put the intention quite out of the queftion. You meant to do Amelia a prejudice, and you have done me a fervice : for by endeavouring to bring her into diftrefs, you gave me an opportunity of mewing my eagernefs to relieve her. There, Sir ! there is for the good you have done, while you meant to make mifchief. [giving him a few guineas."] But take this along with it ; if you ever prefume to mention the name of THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 73 of Amelia any more, or give yourfelf the lead concern about her, or her affairs, I'll Spat. I am obliged to your lordfhip. [Bozving. L. Fal. Be gone, Sir; leave me. Spat. Your mod humble fervant, my lord ! So ; I am abufed by every body ; and yet I get money by every body ; egad, I believe I am a much cleverer fellow than I thought I was. [Exit. Lord Falbridge alone. Alas ! I am afraid that Amelia will not fee me. What would I not fuffer to repair the affront that I have offered her ? Enter Molly. Ha ! Polly ! how much am I obliged to you for fending me notice of Amelia's diftrefs ! Molly. Hufli, my lord ! Speak lower, for hear ven's fake ! My miftrefs has fo often forbad me to tell any thing about her, that I tremble fliU at rhe thoughts of the confidence I have put in you. I was bewitched, I think, to let you know who fhe was. L. Fal. You were infpired, Polly; heaven in- fpired you to acquaint me with all her diftreffes, that I might recommend myfelf to her favour sgain, 74 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. again, by my zeal to ferve her, though againft her will. Molly. That was the reafon I told you ; for elfe I am fure I fhould die with grief to give her the leaft uneafinefs. L. Fal. But may I hope to fee Amelia ? Will {he let me fpeak with her ? Molly. No indeed, my lord ; fhe is fo offended at your late behaviour, that fhe will not even fuffer .us to mention your name to her. L. Fal. Death and confufion ! What a wretch have I made myfelf ! Go, Polly, go, and let her know that I mufl fpeak with her ; inform her, that I have been a&ive for her welfare ; and have au- thority to releafe her from the information lodged againft her. Molly. I will let her know your anxiety, my lord 5 but indeed I am afraid fhe will not fee you. L. Fal. She muft, Polly, fhe muft. The agonies of my mind are intolerable ; tell her, fhe muft come, if it be but for a moment ; or elfe, in the bitter- nefs of dcfpair, I fear I fhall break into her apart- ment, and throw myfelf at her feet. Molly. Lud ! you frighten me out of my wits. Have a little patience, and I'll tell my miftrefs what a taking you are in. 1. FaL THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 75 L. Fa!. Fly, then ! I can tafte no comfort, till I hear her refolution. [Exit Molly. Lord Falbridge alone. How culpably have I a&ed towards the mod amiable of her fex ! But I will make her every reparation in my power. The warmth and fmce- rity of my repentance (hall extort forgivenefs from her. By heaven, the conies ! Death ! how fenfi- bly does an ungenerous a&ion abafe us ! I am confcious of the fuperiority of her virtue, and almoft dread the encounter. Enter Amelia. Amelia. I underftand, my lord, that by your application I am held free of the charge laid againft me ; and that I am once more entirely at liberty. I am truly fenfible of your good offices, and thank you for the trouble you have taken. [Going. L. Pal. Stay, madam ! do not leave me in ftill greater diftraUon than you found me. If my 2eal to ferve you has had any weight with you, it muft have infpired you with more favourable difpo- fitions towards me. Amelia. You muft pardon me, my lord, if I pnnot fo fo'oa forget a very late tranfac~lion. After that, 76 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. that, all your proceedings alarm me : Nay, even your prefent zeal to ferve me creates new fufpi- cions, while I cannot but be doubtful of the mo- tives from which it proceeds. L. Fal. Cruel Amelia ! for, guilty as I am, I mull complain, fince it was your own diffidence that was in part the occafion of my crime. Why did you conceal your rank and condition from me ? Why did not you tell me, that you were the daugh- ter of the unhappy Sir William Douglas ? Amelia. Who told you that I was fo, my lord ? L. Fal. Nay, do not deny it now : it is in vain to attempt to conceal it any longer ; it was the main purport of my letter to apprize you of my knowledge of it. Amelia. Your letter, my lord ! L. Fal. Yes ; wild as it was, it was the off- ipring of compunction and remorfe ; and if it conveyed the dictates of my foul, it fpoke me the trueft of penitents. You did not difdain to read it, fure ! Amelia. Indeed, my lord, I never received any letter from you. L. Fal. Not received any ! I fent it this very morning. My own fervant was the meflenger. What can this mean ? Has he betrayed me ? At prefent, THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 77 prefent, fuffer me to compenfate, as far as poflibie, for the wrongs I have done you : Receive my hand and heart, and let an honourable marriage obliterate the very idea of my paft conduct. Amelia. No, my lord ; you have difcovered me, it is true : I am the daughter of Sir William Douglas. Judge for yourfelf then ; and think how I ought to look upon a man, who has infulted my diftrefs, and endeavoured to tempt me to difhonour my family. L. Fal. Your juftice muft acquit me of the intention of that offence, fince at that time I was ignorant of your illuftrious extraction. Amelia. It may be fo , yet your excufe is but an aggravation of the crime. You imagined me, per- haps, to be of as low and mean an origin, as you thought me poor and unhappy. You fuppofed that I had no title to any dowry but my honour, no de- pendance but on my virtue; and yet you attempted to rob me of that virtue, which was the only jewel that could raife the mcannefs of my birth, or fup- port me under my misfortunes ; which, inflcad of relieving, you chofe to make the pandar to your rile- inclinations. L. Fal. Thou moil amiable of thy fex, how I adore thee ! Even thy refentment renders thee more 78 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. more lovely in my eyes, and makes thee, if pof- fible, dearer to me than ever. Nothing but our union can ever make me happy. Amelia. Such an union muft not, cannot be. L. Fal. Why ? what mould forbid it ? Amelia. My father. L. Fal. Your father ! where is he ? In whatever part of the world he now refides, I will convey you to him, and he fhall ratify our happinefs. Enter Molly, ha/lily. Molly. Oh lord, madam ! here's the angry lady coining again ; {he that made fuch a racket this morning. Amelia. Lady Alton ? Molly. Yes, madam. L. Fal. Lady Alton ! Confufion ! Stay, madam. [To Amelia, who is going. Amelia. No, my lord 5 I have endured one af- front from her already to-day 5 why mould I ex- pofe myfelf to a fecbnd ? Her ladymip, you know, has a prior claim to your attention. [Exit. L. Fal. Diftradlion ! I had a thoufand things to fay to her.- Go, my dearPolly, follow my Amelia ! Plead earneflly in my behalf; urge all the ten-* dereft things that fancy can fuggeft, and return to me as foon as lady Alton is departed ! Molly. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 79 Molly. I will, my lord. O lud ! here fhe is, as I am alive ! [Exit. L. Fal. Abandoned by Amelia ! and hunted by this fury ! I (hall run wild. Enter lady Alton. L. Alt. You may well turn away from me; at length, I have full conviction of your bafenefs. I am now afiured of my own Ihame, and your falfe- hood. Perfidious monfter ! L. Fal. It is unjuft to tax me with perfidy, madam. I have rather acted with too much fince- rity. I long ago frankly declared 'to you the utter impofllbility of our reconciliation. L. Ah. What ! after having made your addrefles to me ? After having fworn the moft inviolable affection for me ? Oh, thou arch deceiver ! L. Fal. I never deceived you : when I profefled a pafiion, I really entertained one ; when I made my addrefles to you, I wifhed to call you my wife. L. Alt. And what can you allege in excufe of your falfhood ? Have you not been guilty of the blacked perjury ? L. Fal. The change of my fentiments needs no excufe from me, madam ; you were yourfelf the occafion 80 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. occafion of it. In fpite of the torrent of fafhion, and the pra&ice of too many others of my rank in life, I have a relifh for domeftick happinefs ; and have always wifhed for a wife, who might render my home a delightful refuge from the cares and buttle of the world abroad. Thefe were my views with you ; but, thank heaven, your out- rageous temper happily betrayed itfelf in good time, and convinced me that my fole aim in marriage would be fruftrated : for I could neither have been happy myfelf, nor have made you fo. L. Alt. Paltry evafion ! You have abandoned me for your Amelia j you have meanly quitted a perfon of letters, a \voman of rank and condition, for an illiterate vagabond, a needy adventurer. L. Fal. The perfon you mention, madam, is, indeed, the oppofite of yourfelf ; flie is all meek- nefs, grace, and virtue. L. Alt. Provoking traitor ! You urge me pad all fufferance. I meant to expoftulate, but you oblige me to invective. But, have a care ! You are not fo fecure as you fuppofe yourfclf ; and I may revenge myfelf fooner than you imagine. L. Fal. I am aware of your vindictive difpofition, madam ; for I know that you are more envious than jealous, and rather violent than tender j but the THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 81 the prefent objeft of my afFe&ions fhall be placed above your refentment, and challenge your refpe6t. L. Alt. Away, fond man ! I know that objeft of your affections better than yourfelf; I know who (he is ; I know who the ftranger is that ar- rived for her this morning ; L know all : men more powerful than yourfelf fhall be apprifed of the whole immediately; and within thefe two hours, nay, within this hour, you fhall fee the unworthy object, for which you have flighted me, with all that is dear to her and you, torn away from you perforce. [going* L. Fal, Ha ! how's this ? Stay, madam ! Ex- plain yourfelf ! But one word ; do but hear me ! L. Alt. No ; I difdain to hear you : I fcorn all explanation. I have difcovered the contemptible caufe of your inconftancy, and know you to be mean, bafe, falfe, treacherous, and perfidious. You have forfeited my tendernefs, and be aflured you fhall feel the effects of my revenge. [Exit. L. Fal. What does fhe mean? The ftranger that arrived to-day ! That arrived for my Ame- lia ! Sure it cannot be. [Paujing.~] Is it poflible that \_Re-enter Molly.'] Ha, Polly ! explain thefe riddles to me. Lady Alton threatens me ; fhe threatens my Amelia : does fhe know any VOL. II. G thing? 82 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. thing ? Her fury will tranfport her to every extra- vagance ! How dreadful is je/aloufy in a woman ! Molly. Ay, it is a dreadful thing, indeed, my lord. Well ! heaven fend me always to be in love, and never to be jealous ! L. Fal. But me talked of tearing Amelia from me perforce And then, fome ftranger She threatens him too : what is it fhe means ? Molly. What ! a gentleman that came to madam Amelia ? [alarmed. L. Fal. Yes, to Amelia ; and arrived this very day, {he fays. Molly. We are ruined for ever : fhe means Sir William Douglas ! L. Fal. The father of my Amelia ! Is he here ? Molly. Yes, my lord ; I was bound to fecrecy : but I can't help telling you the whole truth, be- caufe I am fure you will do all in your power to be of fervice to us. L. Fal. You know my whole foul, Polly : this outrageous woman's malice mall be defeated. Molfy. Heaven fend it may ! L. Fal. Be affured, it mail : do uot alarm your miftrefs ; 1 fly to ferve her, and will return as foon as poffible. Molly. I fhall be miferable till we fee you again, my lord. L. Fa!. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 83 *Z. Fal. And now, good heaven ! that art the prote&ion of innocence, fecond my endeavours I enable me to repair the affront I have offered to injured virtue, and let me relieve the unhappy from their diftreffes ! [Exeunt feverally. V. SCENE continues. Lord Falbridge and Molly meeting. Molly. /^\H, my lord! I am glad to fee you \^/ returned. L. Fal. Where is your miflrefs ? \fogerly Molly. In her own chamher. L. Fal. And where is Sir William Douglas ? Molly. With my miflrefs. L. Fal. And have there been no officers here to apprehend them ? Molly. Officers ! No, my lord. Officers ! You frighten me. I was in hopes, by feeing your lord- fhip fo foon again, that there were fome good news for us. L. Fal. Never was any thing fo unfortunate. G 2 The S 4 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. The noble perfons, to whom I meant to make a{ plication, were out of town ; nor could by any means be feen or fpoken with, till to-morrow morning : And to add to my diftrattion, I learnt that a new information had been made, and a new warrant iffued, to apprehend Sir William Douglas and Amelia. Molly. Oh dear ! what can we do then ? L. Fal. Do ! I {hall run mad. Go, my dear Polly, go to your miftrefs and Sir William, and inform them of their danger. Every moment is precious ; but perhaps they may yet have time to efcape. Molly. I will, my lord ! [going. L. Fal. Stay ! \_Molly returns."] My chariot is at the door ; tell them, not to wait for any other carriage, but to get into that, and drive away im- mediately. Molly. I will, my lord. Oh dear ! I never was fo terrified in all my life. [Exit.. Lord Falbridge alone. If I can but fave them now, we may- gain time for mediation. Ha ! what noife ? Are the officer* coming ? Who's here ? EnUr THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 8$ Enter La France. La Fr. Mi lor, Monf. le due de L. Fal. Sirrah ! villain ! you have been the occafion of all this mifchief. By your careleflhefs, or treachery, lady Alton has intercepted my letter to Amelia. La Fr. Ledy Alton ? L. Fal. Yes, dog ; did not I fend you here this morning with a letter ? La Fr. Oui, mi lor. L. Fal. And did you bring it here, rafcal ? JLa Fr. Oui, mi lor. L. Fal. No, firrah. You did not bring it ; the lady never received any letter from me ; me told me fo herfelf. Whom did you give it to ? [La France befitates.~\ Speak* firrah ; or I'll make your .foul out of your body. [Shaking him. La Fr. I giv it to L.Fal. Who, rafcal? LaFr. Monfieur Spatter. L. Fal. Mr. Spatter ? La Fr. Oui, mi lor ; he promis to giv it to Ma- demoifelle Amelie, vid his own hand. L. Fal. I mall foon know the truth of that, Sir, for yonder is Mr. Spatter himfelf : run, and tell him I defire to fpeak with him ! G 3 LaFr. 86 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. La Fr.Ouiy mi lor. Ma foi, I vas very near kefli , I never was in more vilair. embarras in all my life. [Exit. Lord Falbridge alone. My letter's falling into the hands of that fellow accounts for every thing. The contents inftrufted him concerning Amelia. What a wretch I am ! Deftined every way to be of prejudice to that vir- tue, which I am bound to adore. Re-enter La France with Spatter. Spat. Monfieur La France tells me that your, lordfliip defires to fpeak with me ; what are your commands, my lord ? {Pertly. L. Fal. The eafy impudence of the rafcal puts me out of all patience. \To kimfelf* Spat. My lord ! L. Fal. The laft time I faw you, Sir, you were rewarded for the good you had done ; you muft cxpecl: now to be chaftifed for your mifchief. Spat. Mifchief, my lord ? L. Fal. Yes, Sir; where is that letter of mine, which La France tells me he gave you to deliver to a young lady of this houfe ? Spat. Oh, the devil ! [apart.'} Letter, my lord ? {Hefitates. L. Fal. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 87 L. Fa/. Yes, letter, Sir; did not you give it him, La France ? La Fr. Oui, mi lor ! Spat. Y e e s, yes, my lord ; I had the letter of monfieur La France, to be fure, my lord; bu t-i b u t L. Fal. But what, firrah ? Give me the letter immediately ; and if I find that the feal has been broken, I will break every bone in your fkin. Spat. For Heaven's fake, my lord ! [.feeling in his pockets."} I I I have not got the letter about me at prefent, my lord ; but if you will give me leave to Hep to my apartment, I'll bring it you immediately. [Offer ing to go. L. Fal. [Stopping him.'} No, no ; that will not do, Sir ; you fhall not ftir, I promife you. Look you, rafcal ! tell me what is become of my letter, or I will be the death of you this inftant. [Drawing. Spat, [kneeling."} Put up your fword, my lord; put up your fword ; and I will tell you every thing in the world ; indeed, I will. L. Fal. Well, Sir; be quick then ! [Putting up his fword. Sp*t. Lady Alton L. Fal. Lady Alton! I thought fo; go on, Sir. Spat. Lady Alton, my lord, defired me to pro- G 4 cure 88 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. cure her all the intelligence in my power, con- cerning every thing that paft between your lordfhip and Amelia. L.Fal. Well, Sir; what then? Spat. A little patience, I entreat your lordfliip. Accordingly, to oblige her ladyihip one mud oblige the ladies, you know, my lord I did keep a pretty (harp look-out, I muft confefs : And this tnorning, meeting monfieur La France, with a let- ter from your lordfliip in his charge, I very readily gave him five guineas of her ladylhip's bounty- money, to put it into my hands. La Fr. Oh diable ! me voila perdu ! \_Afide. L. Fal How ! a bribe, rafcal ? [To La France. La Fr. Ah> mi lor ! [On bis knees. Spat. At the fame price for every letter, he would have fold a whole mail, my lord. La Fr. Jyezpitie de moi ! [Holding up his hands. L. Fal. Betray the confidence I repofed in you? Spat. He offered me the letter of his own ac- cord, my lord. La Fr. No fuch ting, en verite, mi lor ! Spat. Very true, I can aflure your lordfhip. L. Fal. Well, well ; I fhall chaitife him at my leifure. At prefent, Sir, do you return me my letter. Spat. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 89 Spat. I I have it not about me, my lord. L. Fal. Where is it, rafcal ? tell me this inftant, or La Fr. Ledy Alton L.Fal. [To Spatter.] What! has jhe got it? fpeak, firr-ih ! Spat. She has, indeed, my lord. L. Fal. Are not you a couple of villains ? La Fr. Oui, mi lor. ~) . $ Both fpeak at once. Spat. Yes, my lord ! 5 L. Fal. [To Spatter.'] But hold, Sir ! a word more with you ! As you feem to be lady Alton's chief agent, I muft defire fome further informa- tion from you. Spat. Any thing in my power, my lord. L. Fal. I can account for her knowledge of Amelia, by means of my letter : But how did me difcover Sir William Douglas ? Spat. I told her, my lord. L. Fal. But how did you difcover him yourfelf ? Spat. By liftening, my lord. L.Fal. By liftening? Spat. Yes, by liftening, my lord ! Let me but once be about a houfe, and I'll engage to clear it, like a ventilator, my lord. There is not a door to a fingle apartment in this houfe, but I have planted my ear at the keyhole. L. Fat, 9 o THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. L. Fal. And were thefe the means by which you procured your intelligence ? Spat. Yes, my lord. L.Fal. Impoffible. Spat. Oh dear ! nothing fo eafy ; this is nothing at all, my lord ! I have given an account of the plays in our journal, for three months together, without being nearer the ftage than the pit-paffage ; and I have collected the debates of a whole feflion, for the magazine, only by attending in the lobby. L. Fal. Precious rafcal ! Ha ! who comes here ? lady Alton herfelf again, as I live ! Spat, [Apart.] The devil me is ! I wifli I was out of the houfe. Enter Lady Alton. L. Alt. What ! ftill here, my lord ? ftill witneffing to your own fhame, and the juftice of my refent- ment ? L. Fal. Yes, I am ftill here, madam ; and forry to be made a witncfs of your cruelty and mean- nefs ; of your defcending to arts, fo much beneath your rank 5 and practices, fo unworthy of your fex. L. Alt. You talk in riddles, my lord ! L. Fal. This gentleman mall explain them. Here, madam ! here is the engine of your malice, the THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 91 the inftrument of your vengeance, your prime minifter, Mr. Spatter. L. Alt. What have I to do with Mr. Spatter ? L.Fal. To do mifchief; to intercept letters, and break them open ; to overhear private conver- fations, and betray them , to L. Alt. Have you laid any thing of this kind to my charge, Sir ? [To Spatter. Spat. I have been obliged to fpeak the truth, though much againft my will, indeed, madam. L.Alt. The truth ! thou father of lies, did ever any truth proceed from thee ? What I is his lord- fhip your new patron ! A fit Maecenas for thee, thou fcandal to the belles lettres ! L. Fal. Your rage at this detection is but a frefh conviction of your guilt. L.Alt. Do not triumph, monfter! you mail ftill feel the fuperiority I- have over you. The ob- je6l of your wifhes is no longer under your protec- tion ; the officers of the government entered the houfe at the fame time with myfelf, with a war- rant to feize both Amelia and her father. L. Fal. Confufion ! Are not they gone then ? La France ! villain, run, and bring me word ! La Fr. I go, mi lor ! [Exit. L. Alt. Do not flatter yourfclf with any hopes ; they $2 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. they have not efcaped ; here they are, fecured in proper hands. L. Fal. Death and diftradtion ! now I am com- pletely miferabie. Enter Sir William Douglas, Amelia^ Owen^ and Officers. L. Alt. Yes, your mifery is complete indeed ; and fo fhall be my revenge. Oh ! your fervant, madam ! [turning to Amelia} You now fee to what a condition your pride and obftinacy have reduced you. Did not I bid you tremble at the confe- quences ? Amelia. It was here alone that I was vulnerable. [holding her father's hand.'] Oh, madam, [turning to lady Alton] by the virtues that fhould adorn your rank, by the tendernefs of your fex, I conjure you, pity my diflrefs ! do but releafe my father ; and there are no conceffions, however humiliating, which you may not exact from me. L. Alt. Thofe conceffions now come too late, madam. If I were even inclined to relieve you, at prefent, it is not in my power, [haughtily.'] Lord Falbridge perhaps may have more intereft. {JVith a fneer. L. FaL Cruel, infulting woman ! [to lady Alton.~] Do THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 93 Do not alarm yourfelf, my Amelia ! Do not be concerned, Sir ! \_to Sir William.'} Your enemies {hall ftill be difappointed. Altho' ignorant of your arrival, I have for fome time pad exerted all my intereft in your favour, and by the mediation of thofe ftill more powerful, I do not defpair of fuc- cefs. Your cafe is truly a compaflionate one ; and in that breaft, from which alone mercy can pro- ceed, thank heaven, there is the greateft reafon, to expect it. Sir Will. I am obliged to you for your concern, Sir. L. Fal. Oh, I owe you all this, and much more* But this is no time to fpeak of my offences, or repentance. L. Alt. This is mere trifling. I thought you knew on what occafion you came hither, Sir. [To the Officer. Officer. Your reproof is too juft, madam. I attend you, Sir. , [To Sir IFllliam. L. Fal. Hold ! Let me prevail on you, Sir, [to the officer] to fufFer them to remain here till to- morrow morning. I will anfwer for the confe- quences. Officer. Pardon me, my lord ! we mould be happy to oblige you ; but we muft difcharge the duty of our office.. L. F*l. 94 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. L. Fal. Diftraaion ! Sir Will Come then ! we follow you, Sir ! Be comforted, my Amelia ! for my fake, be comfort- ed I Wretched as I am, your anxiety (hocks me more than my own misfortunes. [As they are going out, enter Freeport. Free. Heyday ! what now ! the officers here again ! I thought we had fatisfied you this morn- ing. What is the meaning of all this ? Officer. This will inform you, Sir. [giving the warrant. Free. How's this ? Let me fee ! {reading.'] This is to require you um, um the bodies of IVilliam Ford and Amelia Walton um, um -fufpecJed per- Jbns um, um Well, well ! I fee what this is : but you will accept of bail, Sir ! Officer. No, Sir ; this cafe is not bailable, and we have already been reprimanded for taking your recognisance this morning. Sir Will. Thou good man ! I fhall ever retain the moft lively fenfe of your behaviour ; but your kind endeavours to preferve the poor remainder of my profcribed life are in vain. We muft fubmit to our deftiny. [All going. Free. Hold, hold ! one word, I befeech you, Sir ! [to the officer] a minute or two will make no difference. .Bail then, it feems, will not do, Sir ? Officer. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 95 Officer. No, Sir. Free. Well, well ; then I have fomething here that will, perhaps. {Feeling in bis pocket. L. Fal. How ! L. Alt. What does he mean ? Free. No, it is not there It is in t'other pocket, I believe. Here, Sir William ! [producing a parchment.] Aflc the gentlemen, if that will not do. But firft of all, read it yourfelf, and let us hear how you like the contents. Sir IVill. What do I fee ! [opening andperufing //.] My pardon ! the full and free pardon of my of- fences ! Oh, heaven ! and is it to you then, to you, Sir, that I owe all this ? Thus, thus let me mew my gratitude to my benefactor ! {Falling at his feet. Free. Get up, get up, Sir William ! Thank hea- ven, and the moft gracious of monarchs. You have very little obligation to me, I promife you. Amelia. My father reftored ! Then I am the hap- pieft of women. L. Fal. A pardon ! I am tran (ported. L. Alt. How's this ? a pardon ! Free. Under the great feal, madam. L. Alt. Confufion ! what ! am I baffled at laft, then ? Am I difappointed even of my revenge ? Thou 9 6 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Thou officious fool ! \_to Freeport.~\ May thefe wretches prove as great a torment to you, as they have been to me ! As for thee, [to lord Falbridge."] thou perfidious monfter, may thy guilt prove thy punifhment ! May you obtain the unworthy union you defire ! May your wife prove as falfe to you, as you have been to me ! May you be followed, like Oreftes, with the furies of a guilty confcience ; find your error when it is too late ; and die in all the horrors of defpair ! [Exit. Free. There goes a woman of quality for you ! What little actions, and what a great foul ! Ha! Mailer Spatter ! where are you going ? [To Spatter t who is freaking off. Spat. Following the mufe, Sir ! [pointing after lady Alton.~] But if you have any further commands, or his lordfliip mould have occafion for me to write his epithalamium L. Fal. Peace, wretch ! fleep in a whole fkin, and be thankful ! I would folicit mercy myfelf, and have not leifure to punifhyou. Begone, Sir! Spat. I am obliged to your lordfliip. This affair will make a good article for the Evening-Poft to- night, however. [_Afule, and exit. Sir Will. How happy has this reverfe of fortune made me ! But my furprize is almoft equal to my joy. THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 97 joy. May we beg you, Sir, [to Freeport.'] to inform us how your benevolence has effe&ed whatfeem* almoft a miracle in my favour ? Free. In two words then, Sir William, this happy event is chiefly owing to your old friend, the late lord Brumpton. Sir Will. Lord Brumpton ! Free. Yes 5 honeil Owen there told me, that his lordfhip had been employed in foliciting your par- don. Did not you, Owen ? Owen. I did, Sir. Free. Upon hearing that, and perceiving the danger you were in, I went immediately to the prefent lord Brumpton, who is a very honeft fel- low, and one of the oldefl acquaintance I have in the world. He, at my inftance, immediately made the necefiary application ; and guefs how agree- ably we were furprifed, to hear that the late lord had already been fuccefsful, and that the pardon had been made out, on the very morning of the day his lordftiip died. Away went I, as fafl as a pair of horfes could carry me, to fetch it ; and mould cer- tainly have prevented this laft arreft, if the warrant to apprehend you, as dangerous pcrfons, had not iffued under your aflumed names of William Ford and Amelia Walton, againft whom the information VOL. II. H had 9 8 THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. had been laid. But, however, it has only ferved to prevent your running away, when the danger was over, for at prefent, Sir William, thank heaven and his majefty, you are a whole man again ; and you have nothing to do but to make a legal appear- ance, and to plead the pardon I have brought you, to abfolve you from all informations. L. Fal. Thou honeft excellent man ! How hap- pily have you fupplied, what I failed to accomplifh ! Free. Ay, I heard that your lordfhip had been bufy. You had more friends at court than one, Sir William, I promife you. Sir Iffll. I am overwhelmed with my fudden good fortune, and am poor even in thanks. Teach me, Mr. Freeport, teach me how to make fome ac- knowledgment for your extraordinary generofity ! Free. I'll tell you what, Sir William. Not- withftanding your daughter's pride, I took a liking to her, the moment I faw her. L. Fal. Ha ! what's this ? Free. What's the matter, my lord ? - L. Fal. Nothing. Go on, Sir ! Free. Why then, to confefs the truth, I am afraid that my benevolence, which you have all been pleafed to praife fo highly, had fome little leaven of felf-intereft in if, and I was defirous to THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. 99 to promote Amelia's happinefs more ways than one. L. Fal. Then I am the verieft wretch that ever exifted. But take her, Sir ! for I muft confefs that you have deferved her by your proceedings ; and that I, fool and villain that I was, have for- feited her by mine. [Going. Free. Hold, hold ! one word before you go, if you pleafe, my lord ! You may kill yourfelf for aught I know, but you (ha'n't lay your death at my door, I promife you. I had a kindnefs for Amelia, I muft confefs ; but in the courfe of my late negotiation for Sir William, hearing of your lordfhip's pretenfions, I dropt all thoughts of her. It is a maxim with me, to do good wherever I can, but always to abftain from doing mifchief. Now as I can't make the lady happy myfclf, I would fain put her into the hands of thofe that can. So, if you would oblige me, Sir William, let me join thefe two young folks together, [join- ing their hands'] and do you fay Amen to it. Sir JVill. With all my heart ! You can have no objection, Amelia. \_Arnelia bur/is into tears. L. Fal. How bitterly do thofe tears reproach me ! It fliall be the whole bufinefs of soy future life to atone for them. H 2 Amelia. ioo THE ENGLISH MERCHANT. Amelia. Your actions this day, and your folici- tude for my father, have redeemed you in my good opinion i and the confent of Sir~Vv~ilJiam, feconded by fo powerful an advocate as Mr. Freeport, can- not be contended w'th. TaVe try hrmd, my lord! a virtucus paffion may mhaWt die pureft br : aft ; and I am not afhameJ to confefs, that I had conceived a partiality for you, till your own conduct turned my heart againft you ; and if my refentment has given you any pain, when I confi- der the occafion, I muft own that I cannot repent it. L. Fal. Mention it no more, my love, I be- feech you ! You may juftly blame your lover, I confefs ; but I will never give you caufe to com- plain of your hufband. Free. I don't believe you will. I give you joy, my lord ; I give you all joy ! As for you, ma- dam, [to Amelia."} do but (hew the world that you can bear profperity, as well as you have fuftained the mocks of aclverfity, and there are few women, who may net wifh to be an Amelia. E P I- EPILOGUE. Written by DAVID GARRICK, Efq. Enter lady Alton in a paffion ; Spatter following. Lady Alton. I'LL hear no more, thou wretch ! Attend to reafon ! A woman of my rank ! 'Tis petty treafon ! Hear reafon, blockhead ! Reafon ! What is that ? Bid me wear pattens, and a high-crown'd hat ! Won't you be gone ? what want you ? what's your view ? Spatter. Humbly to ferve the Tuneful Nine in you. I muft invoke you Lady Alton. I renounce fuch things ; NotPhcebus now, but vengeance fweepsthe firings; My mind is difcord all! I fcorn, deteft All human kind ! you more than all the reft. Spatter. Ihumbly thank you, ma'am. But weigh the matter, Lady Alton. I won't hear reafon ! and I hate you, Spatter ! Myfelf, and ev'ry thing H 3 Spatter. EPILOGUE. Spatter. That I deny ; You love a little mifchief; fo do I ; And mifchief I have for you. Lady Alton. How, where, when? Will you ftab Falbridge ? Spatter. Yes, ma'am with my pen, Lady Alton. Let loofe, my Spatter, till to death you've ftung'enij That green-ey'd monfter Jealoufy, among 'em. Spatter. To dafh at all, the fpirit of my trade is, Men, women, children, parfons, lords and ladies. There will be danger. Lady Alton. And there (hall be pay. Take my purfe, Spatter ! {Gives it him. Spatter. \_Smiles and takes it. In an honeft way. Lady Alton. Should my lord beat you Spatter. Let them laugh that win ! Tor all my bruifes, here's gold-beater's Jkin. [Chinking the purfi. Lady EPILOGUE. Lady Alton. Nay, fhould he kill you Spatter. Ma'am ! Lady Alton. My kindnefs meant, To pay your merit with a monument. Spatter. Your kindnefs, lady, takes away my breath ; We'll flop, with your good leave, on this fide death. Lady Alton. Attack Amelia, both in verfe and profe : Your wit can make a nettle of a rofe. Spatter. A ftinging-nettle for his lordihip's breaft ; And to myjtars and dajhes leave the reft. I'll make 'em miferable, never fear ; Pout in a month, and part in half a year. I know my genius, and can truft my plan ; I'll break a woman's heart with any man. Lady Alton. Thanks, thanks, dear Spatter ! be fevere, and bold ! Spatter. No qualms of confcience with a purfe of gold ; Tho' pill'ries threaten, and tho' crabfticks fall, Yours are my heart, foul, pen, ears, bones, and all. [Exit Spatter. H 4 EPILOGUE. Lady Alton alone. Thus to the winds at once my cares I fcatter Oh, 'tis a charming rafcal, this fame Spatter ! His precious mifchief makes the ftorm fubfide ! My anger, thank my liars ! all rofe from pride. Pride mould belong to us alone of fafhion j And let the mob take love, that vulgar paffion ! Love, pity, tendernefs, are only made For poets, Abigails, and folks in trade ; Some cits about their feelings make a fufs, And fome are better bred who live with us ; How low lord Falbridge is ! He takes a wife, To love, and cherifh, and be fix'd for life ! Thinks marriage is a comfortable ftate, No pleafure like a vartu-,us tete-a-tete ! Do our lords juftice, for I would not wrong 'em, There are not many fuch poor fouls among 'em. Our turtles from the town will fly with fpeed, And I'll foretell the vulgar life they'll lead. With love and eafe grown fat, they face all weather, And, farmers both, trudge arm in arm together: Now view their ftock, now in their nurs'ry prattle, For ever with their children, or their cattle. Like the dull mill-horfe in one round they keep ; They walk, talk, fondle, dine, and fall afleep j Their cufam always in the afternoon He bright as Sol, and fhe the cbajle full-moon / Wak'd EPILOGUE. Wak'd with their coffee, madam firft begins, She rubs her eyes, his lordfhip rubs his fhins ; She lips, and fmirksj " Next week's our wedding- -day, *' Married feven years ! And ev'ry hour (yawns) " more gay !" " True, Emmy, (cries my lord) the blefling lies, " Our hearts in ev'ry thing (yawns) fo fympathize ! The day thus fpent, my lord for mufick calls ; He thrums the bafs, to which my lady fqualls; The children join, which fo delights thefe ninnies, The brats feem all Guarduccis Lovatinis. What means this qualm ? Why, fure, wh^le I'm defpifing, That vulgar paffion Envy, is not rifing ! Oh, no ! Contempt is ftruggling to burft out: I'll give it vent at lady Scalp'em's route. THE MAN OF BUSINESS, COMEDY. Fir/I afted at the Theatre-Royal in Covent-Garden, on the lyth of January, 1774. : Mibi res, nan me rebut fubmitttrt Conor. HOR. TO THE HONOURABLE CONSTANTINE JOHN PHIPPS. SIR, WERE the motives of dedication candidly acknowledged, perhaps it would appear that authors in general rather intend a compliment to their own vanity, than to that of their patrons. Patron, I flatter myfelf, will, in the prefent in- ftance, appear to you too cold and diftant an ex- prefiion ; and though I entertain all due refpecl: for fuperior rank and fituation, and am happy in feizing an opportunity of declaring to the world that I am honoured with the friendfhip of Mr. Phipps, yet never was there an epiftle of this na- ture, in which mere vanity had a more inconfider- able (hare ; nor mould I be thus proud of proclaim- ing my affection for him, were I not convinced of his being poflefled of qualities and accomplimments that would diftinguifh and adorn the moft humble, as well as the moft elevated fituation. In DEDICATION. In the midft of the moft familiar intercourfe, I fhould be loth to forfeit in any degree the partiality you are pleafed to (hew me, by the fmalleft appear- ance of flattery. But when I do but echo the voice of all thofe who are acquainted with your publick or private character ; when I barely obferve, that in an age of the moft unbounded diffipation, you have devoted your time to the attainment of all ufeful and elegant knowledge j joining to the mofl amiable difpofition the moft unftiaken integrity, as well as a thorough acquaintance with the conftitu- tion of your country, together with the moft able and faithful difcharge of the duties of your profef- Con when I juft faintly fketch thefe outlines of your character, it will, I hope, rather be fuppofed that I prefume to hint to you what the world feems to expect from a young man of fafhion of fo great promife, than that I mean to corrupt you, or degrade myfelf, by idle compliment and mean adulation. Of the Comedy which I now prefent to you," I will venture to fay but little. It is difficult for any man to fpeak with a tolerable grace of himfelf, and literary performances ought to be their own recom- mendation; yet I will. not fcruple to confefs, that if I thought it entirely defpicable, I would not folicit DEDICATION. folicit your acceptance of it. Three of the great writers, enumerated in the Prologue, Plautus, Terence, and Marmontel, have contributed to en- rich it. A play lately exhibited on the French ftage, the Deux Amis of M. Beaumarchais, alfo fuggefled fome hints of the fable ; but the traces of them in this Comedy are fo little apparent, that if I did not thus acknowledge the fources from which I have drawn, I queftion if the ingenious author himfelf would be able to claim his own property. Did I conceive that this play contained any paf- fages unfavourable to liberty, more efpecially the liberty of the prefs, you, Sir, would be one of the laft perfons in the kingdom to whofe protection I fliould venture to recommend it. The liberty of the prefs is a mod invaluable privilege ; yet that liberty, like every other fpecies of liberty, may be abufed ; and while it remains (as it is to be hoped it ever will remain) unreftrained by law, the abufe of it is more peculiarly the object of comedy ; whofe province it is, by wholefome and general fatire, to correct thofe failings and enormities, of which the law takes no cognifance. Better were it that thoufands and ten thoufands of fuch infig- nificant DEDICATION. nificsnt m' J .ividu. 4 ls cs rnyfelf fhould be malicioufly flan.::r-::l, Bb that facred right of Englifhmen fhould I 0! infringed: Yet who wiiljuf- tify tr. n perfonalities (politicks entirely out or the queftion) that difgrace our newfpapers? It is not however fuilicient, it feems, to endure th-em patiently, without a wiih to interrupt their progrefs, but the gentleft retort is enough to fet all Grub-ftreet in an uproar ; and the mod good- humoured ridicule of thefe illuftrious authors is an attack upon the liberty of the prefs ! A liberty which they are zealous to exercife in its fulleft ex- tent, without allowing any portion of it to their opponents ; not confidering that the chief benefit of the liberty of the prefs refults from its being open to all, and affording a free examination of both fides of every queftion. The very liberty they take, however, they are not willing to give ; like a fcavenger I faw the other day in the ftreet, who befpattered every paflenger with the contents of his mud-cart, but fent a volley of curfes after a lady of quality, who happened to fplafh him as (he drove by in her chariot. Having faid thus much of my Comedy, in vin- dication of the freedom I have ufed in infcribing it DEDICATION. it to you, I will not trefpafs longer on your pa- tience, than to repeat the fatisfa&ion I feel in thus openly teftifying my regard ; and that I have the honour to be, SIR, Your moft devoted, faithful, And affe&ionate humble Servant, GEORGE COLMAN. VOL. II. I PR O- PROLOGUE. Spoken by Mr. WOODWARD. Enter as an Autbtr 9 with a manuscript. SE E here, good folks, how genius is abus'd ! A play of mine, the manager refus'd ! And why ? I knew the reafon well enough Only to introduce his own damn'd fluff. Ob ! he's an arrogant, invidious elf, Who hates all wit, and has no wit himfelf ! As to the plays on which he builds his fame, Boafling your praife, we all know whence they came* Crown him with ivy, leafl of Brentford kings ! For ftill, like ivy, round fome oak he clings. Plays you have damn'd, their authors yet unknown, Truft me, good people, thofe were all his own. If his lame genius ever flood the left, 'Twas but a crutch'd noun adje&ive at befl ; Or rather expletive, whofe weak pretence Occupies fpace, but adds not to the fenfe. His lady-mufe, tho' puling, wan, and thin, With green-room caudle all in flate lies-in ; His brats fo ricketty, 'tis Hill their curfe To be fwath'd, fwaddled, and put out to nurfe ; 13; PROLOGUE. Brought up on playhoufe pap, they waule and cry, Crawl on the ftage, or in convulfions die. His play to-night, like all he ever wrote, Is pie-ball'd, piec'd, and patch'd, like Jofeph's coat; Made up of (hreds from Plautus and Corneille, Terence, Moliere, Voltaire, and Marmontel ; With rags from fifty others I might mention, Which proves him dull and barren of invention: But mall his nonfenfe hold the place of fenfe ? No, damn him ! damn him, in your own defence ! Elfe on your mercy will the dwarf prefume, Nor e'er give giant Genius elbow-room. Now, now, my friends, we've brought him to the ftake; Bait him ! and then, perhaps, fome fport he'll make. I've lin'd the houfe in front, above, below ; Friends, like dried figs, ftuck clofe in every row ! Some wits in ambufh, in the gallery fit ; Some form a critick phalanx in the pit ; Some fcatter'd forces their fhrill catcalls play, And ftrike the Tiny Scribbler with difrnay. On then, my hearts ! charge ! fire ! your triumph's certain O'er his weak battery from behind the curtain ! To-morrow's Chronicle your deeds fhall boafl, And loud Te Deums fill the Morning-Poft. I 2 DRAMATIS DRAMATIS FABLE, GOLDING, BEVERLEY^ DENIER, TROPICK, CHECK, HANDY, Lord RIOT, Sir HELTER SKELTER^ Colonel RAKISH, SCANTY, CAPIAS, SNAP, HAZARD* CASH, Servant, Mrs. GOLDING, LYDIA, Mrs. CARL TON, Mrs, FLOUNCE, Mr. Ben/ley. Mr. Shuter. Mr. Lewis. Mr. Lewes. Mr. Woodward. Mr. Quick. Mr. Dyer. Mr. Davis. Mr. Fox. Mr. Owenfon. Mr. Gardner. Mr. Knivetcn. Mr. Tljompfon. Mr. Cujbing. Mr. Hamilton. Mr. Bates. Mrs. Green. Mrs. "Bulkley. Mrs. Pitt. Mrs. Hfbnt. T H THE _ MAN OF BUSINESS. ACT I. An apartment in Geldings houfe. Enter Fable and Mrs. Golding. (She in a fancy drefs, with a majk in her hand.) Fable. MADAM, madam, I tell you he is a cox- comb an arrant coxcomb, Mrs. Golding. Mrs. Gold. He is a gentleman thoroughly the gentleman, Mr. Fable. Fable. Yes, a modern gentleman a fine gentle- man a race of puppies more pernicious to this country than a breed of wolves would have been. A mongrel puppy too ; on a wrong fcent after pleafure ; in chafe of the fafhion, but for ever at fault; with vanity in view, and ridicule for a whipper-in. Mrs. qold. Well, well, Mr. Fable, it does not I 3 fignify u8 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. fignify talking. You know, you and I could never agree on this matter. I was always for my kinf- man's keeping the very beft company ; and, for my part, I fee no great difference between him and his friends of quality Nay, indeed, mongrel, as you are pleafed to call him, Sir, the advantage is rather on his fide : He has money without rank, and many of them have rank without money. If Beverley has great goings-out, he has great com- ing-in too ; while they keep fine houfes, flaming equipages, and great tables, out of nothing at all. Fable. For which very reafon, Mrs. Golding, he is not upon even terms with them. What has a man of bufmefs to do with men of pleafure ? Why is a young banker to live with young no- blemen ? Mrs. Gold. And why not, Mr. Fable ? Is not the bufinefs of the houfe carried on at the polite end of the town ? Does not he live in the very centre of perfons of fafhion ? And has not he conflant dealings with them ? Not fhut up in Lombard-ftreet within the found of Bow-bell, or in fight of the Monument not cramming turtle and venifoH at the King's Arms, or the London- Tavern but balloted into the Macaroni, and a member of the S9avoir Vivre. Fable, So much the worfe*- fo much the worfe, Mrs. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 119 Mrs. Golding ! His father, who was the firm of the houfe, eftablifned the credit of it by decency and fobriety : But dying while Beverley was very young, your hufband, Mr. Golding, was received into the partnerfhip as a man of experience, capa- ble of carrying on the bufinefs to more advantage. He, you know, is now abfent on nficeflary bufinefs abroad. In the mean time, I am left a kind of guardian to Beverley, and have the fuperintend- ance of his affairs And what account {hall I be likely to give of them, when inftead of making money after the example of his father, he is in- tent on nothing but fpending it ? Horfes at New- market, hounds at Bagfhot, a villa, a miftrefs, play, and a round of diflipation among hair-brain'd fpendthrifts, wafting their conftitutions before they arrive at maturity, fpending their fortunes before they come to them, granting annuities to eat up their eftates, or living upon the fale of poft-obits and reverfions ! There, madam, there's a picture of a genteel young banker at the weft-end of the town for you , drawn from the life, and coloured after nature ! how do you like it, madam ? Mrs. Gold. A frightful caricature, Mr. Fable ' your defcriptions are juft the reverfe of that fweet I 4 flower iio THE MAN OF BUSINESS. flower of a man, the auctioneer, over the way. His ftile is enchanting and delicate, elegant as the or moulu, or Derbyfhire petrifications, he fets to fale, and foft as the pencil of Guido, Raphael, or Correggio ! Your pi&ures may be taken from nature ; but they are dark ! dark as the landfcapes of Pouffin, and wild, and horrible as the views of Salvator Rofa. Fable. Madam, madam ! it is thefe affected airs, madam, that pervert your underftanding, and make you blind to the danger of your kinfman. He is in imminent danger of ruin, madam ; which will fall upon him, if fomething is not fpeedily done ta prevent it. Mrs. Gold. And what would you have me do, Mr. Fable ? All I fay is, that good company is a very good thing, and genteel connections can never do my kinfman any mifchief ; and if I had been miftrefs, I never would have refted till I had got him into parliament. Fable. Into parliament ! into jail, madam. Is not he at expence enough Mrs. Gold. Expence ! Lord, lord ! this is a point of ceconomy, Sir. Why he would fave above double the charge of bringing him into the houfe by the mere pottage of letters. Sir Geoffry Kil- derkin THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 121 derkin got himfelf elected for no other purpofe. My kinfman too would frank himfelf whole again. And then I am fure he would make an admira- ble figure in a debate. Oh, how it would have delighted me to have fat among the ladies in the gallery of the houfe to have feen him upon his feet, his whole perfon hanging over his right leg, his right arm fwinging to and fro like a pen- dulum, and his tongue running down like a larum ! Fable. So, fo ! you, I fear, are too far gone for \vholefome counfel. Beverley, I hope, is not quite incorrigible, and fome good may be done upon him. Good morrow to you, madam ! I have bu- finefs. Good day, madam. Mrs. Gold. Good night, if you pleafe, Sir. You may be juft up, but I have not been to bed yet, being (as you fee) but juft come from the Pantheon. The mafquerade began to grow thin ; but mykin- man, who was there, is not come home yet, and may not return for fome time perhaps fo, once more, good night, good Mr. Fable ! I'll endeavour to recruit my fpirits from the fatigue of the plea- fures of the night, and leave you to the bufinefs of the day. Your frvant, Sir. [Exit. Fablt 122 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Fable alone. Your fervant, madam ! A weak woman ! inca- pable indeed of fwaying the mind of Beverley by her advice, but ftill ferving to countenance his follies by her example. But now to the bufinefs of the day, as fhe fays ! A ferious day it will ap- pear to the young gentleman, I fancy. But it is high time to make him ferious. I'll juft allow him a fhort interval to fleep off his mafquerade, and then wake him from his dream of folly to a fenfe of his true fituation. Enter Check. Fable. Good morrow, Check ! Check. Good morrow to your honour ! The fhop is juft opened and fprinkled. I am going to the counting-houfe. Fable. That's right, Check. Regularity and punc- tuality are the life of bufinefs. Check. The life and foul, Sir. I have always found them fo. Always exadl myfelf, I can anfwer always precife to a fecond ! and as true to my time as the men that ftrike the quarters at St. Dunftan's. Ha, ha ! Fable. You're merry, Check ! Check. Ah ! I wifh I had caufe, Sir. Another great THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 123 great houfe in the city ftopt payment yefterday, and a large fum fubfcribed to prop the credit of another. Sad times, Mr. Fable ! Fable. Sad times ! fad men, honeft Check. Men make the times. Check. Very true, very true, Sir. Ah, one need not go far from home to know that, Sir. In poor old Mr. Beverley's time, when we carried on bufi- nefs in Threadneedle-flreet, thofe were days, Mr. Fable ! I wHh we were on the other fide of Tem- ple-bar, again ! Fable. No, no ; you are right juft where you are, friend. The two fides of Temple-bar have changed hands, Check. The gay, fmart, airy fparks of the weft-end of the town, have all taken to bufinefs, and are turned merifFs and aldermen; and the merchants, bankers, and tradefmen, are your principal perfons of pleafure now-a-days. Check. Ah, I am afraid fo. Here's a houfe, forfooth ! my old lady always entertaining com. pany at home, and my young mafler always abroad; night turned into day, and day turned into night ! It was not fo in my old mafter's time. Never out of the regular channel ; fure and mo- derate profit ; quiet, fober living ; a plain joint and a pudding on week-days, and, perhaps, two joints and two puddings on Sunday ! Fable. 124 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Fable. Nay, nay, don't be melancholy, Check. You may live to fee two puddings on table again, perhaps. Check. We have no hopes but in you, Mr. Fable; no hope but in you, Sir ! Every thing would go to wreck and ruin, if it was not for you, Sir. Fable. Come, come ; cheer up, honeft Check ! your young mafter will take up fliortly. He has a good heart, and a good underftanding. Check. I wifh he would make lefs ufe of his heart, and more of his underftanding, Sir. He is as generous as a prince, and he thinks all his ac- quaintance as honeft and generous as himfelf. Let him mind his friend, Mr. Denier, Sir. There's a young man for you ! merry and wife, I warrant him ! He knows that a milling is a ferious thing ; that a penny faved is a penny got ; and two and two make four, Sir. Fable. Beverley will find it out at laft, Check.- Have you prepared the books and papers as I di- rected you ? Check. I have, Sir. Fable. Very well. Let them be ready for in- fpection this very morning ; and tell Mr. Beverley I am gone to the Bank ; but defire he would not be out of the way at my return, as I have fome- thing THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 11$ thing of confequence to fay to him. Good mor- row, Check ! Check. Good morrow to your honour ! I fhall be fure to let Mr. Beverley know, Sir. [Exit Fable. Oh, here comes his gentleman, as they call him. wifh there was not fuch a gentleman within the bills of mortality. Enter Handy. Good morrow to you, Mr. Handy ! Good mor- row! Handy. What ! my old Rule of Three ! are you there ? Good morrow to you ! Check. Mr. Beverley is not up yet, I fuppofe. Handy. Then you fuppofe wrong, old Thread- needle ! He is up, I aflure you. Check. Indeed ! why he is more early than or- dinary, Mr. Handy. Handy. Much later than ordinary, matter Check. He has not been to bed yet. Check. Mercy on me ! paft eight in the morn- ing, and not gone to bed yet ! Handy. No, he's not come home from the ma.f- querade. Check. The mafquerade ! Oh, now you have accounted for it. Handy. i 2 6 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Handy. Yes,, I had fome thoughts of being at the Pantheon myfelf; but Check. What ! at the fixpenny Pantheon at Iflington, Mr. Handy ? Handy. Sixpenny Pantheon ! 'Sdeath, what d'ye mean, Sir ? do ye take me for a little mop-keeping mechanick, or one of your dapper city clerks, that draws his pen from under his ear in the evening, to go and drink tea at Bagnigge-Wells or Dob- ney's Bowling-Green ? No, Sir ; let me tell you, I frequent no diverfions but thofe of perfons of qua- lity. Plays now and then, operas twice a week, and mafquerades whenever there are any. -A lady of my particular acquaintance of the firfl fafhion I aflure you, old gentleman, had provided me a ticket, and a domino, with a fmart hat and fea- ther, and diamond button and loop to it. But, as the devil would have it, my lord du zounds, what was I faying? Her hufband, I fay, happening to come in at an unfortunate moment, faw the drefs lying in her apartment. My lady a devilifh clever woman, upon my foul! turned it off with a laugh, and told him fne had provided them on purpofe for him, in order to furprife him with a piece of conjugal gallantry. So away they went to the Pantheon together, and I was obliged to amufe myfelf with another woman of quality, who kept houfc THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 127 houfe all the evening, to confole myfelf for my difappointment. Check. You imagine I have a large portion of faith, I believe, Mr. Handy. Handy. Faith ! Why, have I offered to borrow any money of you, you old multiplication-table ? Eh? Check. You have not taken that liberty with me, becaufe you knew I would lend you none : but you are rather too familiar with your betters, me- thinks. Handy. They are familiar with us, and encourage familiarities on our fide. Nay, if you would fol- low my advice, I would engage to make a fortune even for you, old Methufalem ! Check. For me, Mr. Handy ? Handy. Ay, for you, old boy ! What do you think now of making love to Mrs. Golding ? Her hufband's abroad, you know. Intrigues are the mode, and fhe loves to be in the fafhion. Devil take me, if I don't think (he and you would make an excellent tete-a-tete. Shalum and Hilpa ! Eh, my old antediluvian? Check. A truce with your wit, good Mr. Handy ! and pleafe to let your matter know, that Mr. Fable defires to fee him on fomc particular bufinefs, as footi j 2 8 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. foon as he is ftirring, which, perhaps, may be about dinner-time. Handy. What ! Do you pretend to joke too ? Poiinds, {hillings, and pence, you had befl flick to that, old gentleman. Check. They won't flick to you long, I am afraid, young gentleman. Ha, ha ! Handy. Again ! You are trying to copy after old mafler Fable, I warrant you. -A fly, dry, queer old buck, that Mr. Fable ! He don't much approve of our proceedings, I believe. The people call my mafler the Macaroni Banker, he fays. [Laughheard] Gadfo ! yonder my mafler comes, faith and along with him his bofom friend, Mr. Denier a fnake in his bofom too, if I am not miftaken. I never could endure that fhrewd fpark fince I heard him upon the chapter of vails which he never gives to other peoples' fervants ; but, for fear of railing the wages at home, fuffers them to be taken by his own. A young curmudgeon ! worfe than a liquorifh old dotard, if poflible. What fay you, Grandfire ? [laugh again] But, hufh, they are here. Now you may deliver your errand to him yourfelf, old gentleman. [Check and Handy retire a little. Enter THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 129 Enter Beverky and Denier. (Beverley in a domino j Denier alfo in a mafquerade drefs.) Bev. Support a character at a mafquerade ! Ab- furd and ridiculous ! and a vulgar idea too, that never entered the head of a gentleman. Denier. Oh, my habit gave me no trouble of that fort ; yet I did not wear it from choice, but from convenience. One of the managers of Co- vent-Garden theatre for there are about five and forty of them, you know lent me the drefa ; and I don't fee why I mould be expe&ed to fupport a character in it any more than thofe who ufually wear it. Eh, Beverley ? Bev. No, to be fure. They who fay the fofteft things, and fucceed moft with the women, enter into the fpirit and genius of the place the moft happily. Gallantry and intrigue, not wit and hu- mour, are the objects of a mafquerade. Denier. I beg your pardon, Beverley. I know more than one or two profeiTed jokers, that re- hearfe their parts for a fortnight before-hand, and write down all the good .things they fhall fay ; but, as ill luck will have it, for want of courage and opportunity, never utter one of them ; and yet, refolving they {hall not be loft to the world, fend them, ready cut and dry, to the news-papers, as VOL. IL K having 130 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. having been their extempore Tallies and mafquerade pleafantries. Bev. Oh, I know the little haberdafhers of fmall wit j I know them, Denier, and thank you for your de- fcription of them. But who the deuce was that very elegant-looking woman that lord Robert Sprightly ftuck fo clofe to for moil part of the evening ? I have a ftrong notion it was lady Sarah Brilliant very like her figure ! or Harriot Freelove but her {he's common, you know her he would not have followed fo warmly. Oh, Check, are you there ? Handy too ? [Check and Handy come forwerd.~\ Have you fet my night-things in my bed-chamber ? Handy. They are all ready, Sir. Bev. Did you prefent Sir John Squanderfield's notes for acceptance, Check ? Check. I did, Sir. Bev. Any cards, Handy ? And were they good bills, Check ? Handy. The cards, tickets, and meflagcs lie on your drefling-table, Sir. Bev. Very well. And were Sir John's notes duly accepted, Check ? Check. They ought to have been duly protejled, Sir. Not good bills not worth a farthing, Sir. I have not given him credit for them. Bev. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 131 Bev. Well, let him have due notice, d'ye hear, Check ? And do you call at the Sf avoir, and let them know that I (hall dine there to-day, d'ye hear, Handy ? And do you come to me with the flate of Sir John's account, as foon as I am up, d'ye hear, Check ? Check. The account is ready, Sir ; but Mr. Fable defires to fpeak with you as foon as you are up, Sir. He is gone into the city, but will return before you are ftirring, and has particular bufinefs. Bev. I fhall be ready to attend him. Let me be called about one, d'ye hear, Handy ? I have nothing further to fay to you at prefent, Check. Check. Mighty well, Sir. Bev. Handy, wait in my chamber. Handy. I fhall, Sir. \JLxeunt Check and Handy federally. Manent Beverley and Denier. Bev. You'll dine with us at the Sfavoir, Denier? Denier. That's impoflible. Lady Quaver, who fubfcribes to the opera, has lent her box to Mrs. Carlton and Lydia this evening, and I have pro- mifed to attend them j fo we muft make a fhort early dinner at home. You will hardly rife from table before the finale. K 2 132 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Bev. Time enough to fee the Heinel walk over the courfe, perhaps : but the places of publick di~ verfion do keep moft diforderly hours, to be fare- As to the play-houfes, I fcarce ever attempt to peep into them. There is no getting a mouthful of tragedy or comedy, without balking one's appetite for every thing elfe. But Lydia is fond of plays too ; and the little prude is fo eager and punctual, (he is as fure to be at the drawing-up of the cur- tain as if fhe went to keep places, Denier. Come, come, after all, you are very- partial to my ward, Beverley. She is fevere upon your gaiety, and you rally her prudery. You both think it worth while to find fault with each other-, and that's a dreadful fymptom, Beverley. Bev . No, no ; not fo far gone as that neither. The girl has fome good natural qualities ; but me has not mixed with the world enough. She is like one of our Englifh coaches made of good ftuff, amj not ill faihioa'd but wants the higli Paris varnilh, Denier. Denier. I have a good mind to acquaint her with your comparifon. She'll varnifh you till you appear like lord Rufty's pictures not much the better for it. But, apropos to your fimile, after your coach has fet you down to dinner in St. James's THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 133 James's Street, can you fend it to carry us to the opera ? Bev. To be fure. They are not put up yet. I'll give orders about it immediately. Denier. Stay ! Suppofe it takes me home then ; and I'll tell them your direction. I {hall hardly get a chair at this time in the morning. Bev. Be it fo. Good night to you. But, Denier ! Denier. Well. Bev. There is to be another mafquerade next week, at the Haymarket. Will you go ? Denier. No hang it ; next week is too foon for it. So much of it makes it grow naufeous. Bev. It will be a genteel thing. Denier. A genteel mafquerade ? Oh, that's flic devil, Beverley. The company at a mafquerade mould be almofl as various as the characters they reprefent. Countefles and fempftrefies, lords, al- dermen, black-legs, and Oxonians. Make your mafquerade too genteel, and it muft be very dull, Beverley. Bev. All the fine women in town will be there. It is to be given by the club at Arthur's. I can fupply you with tickets. Denier. Can you ? Well then come, for once, I will go with you. K 3 Bev. i 3 4 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Bev. Now, if you could prevail on Lydia t Denier. But fancying you entertained a partiality for her, I (mothered my inclination out of friend- fliip for you. But as you meant only fuperficial gallantry, I now wifh to make her ferious pro- pofals. Bev. Propofals to Lydia ? Denier. Yes, propofals of marriage ; and indeed it feems almofl to have been the wifh of her friends to bring about fuch an alliance, by placing her in our family. Bev. That's true that did not occur to me at firfl, I confefs fhe too, I fuppofe, has given you fome hopes I wifh you happy I wifh you I wifh you a great deal of happinefs, Mr. Denier. \_Difordered. Denier. Thank you, my dear friend, thank you ! But come, come, Beverley ! Mr. Fable's news has quite difheartened you. We muft not fee you too much caft down, neither. This is but a cloud. You will break out again with double fplendor prefently. Can I be of any fervice to you ? Shall I look into your papers and examine your accounts ? Bev. Not at prefent, I am obliged to you not at prefent, Mr. Denier. Denier. Oh, I had forgot. All my money is locked up : But if you fhould want a purchafer for L 3 the i 5 o THE MAN OF BUSINESS. the Beverley eftate, on that occafion, I dare fay, my friends would fupply me. You may always command me, you know. Be-v. I know it. I am obliged to you. Denier. Let me fee ! \_Looking at his watch."] It is not fo late as I thought it was that Solomon is a puzzling, ftupid, old fellow I had better go up to the Alley, and look after the bufinefs myfelf, I believe unlefs I could be of any ufe to you by flaying here, Beverley. Bev. Not in the leaft. I beg I mayn't hinder you. Denier. Good day to you then ! I can turn an eighth, I dare fay, this morning. Good day, Beverley ! [Exit. Beverley alone. Now am I completely miferable. Fool, ideot, that I have been ! to trifle with a delicate female heart to trifle with my own ! Oh, Lydia ! I am now, for the firft time, thoroughly fenfible of my affection for you ; and now to difcover it, only to add to my wretchednefs ! Diftra&ion ! Denier too feems to wear a different afpecl at leaft my imagination, jaundiced by my misfortunes, paints him of another colour. But Lydia ! after the im- pertinence of my former behaviour, how defpicable muft I appear to her ! What a humiliating diftance has THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 151 has fortune now thrown between us ! Mrs. Gold- ing here ? New torture ! Ha ! Lydia with her ! Oh, my heart ! how (hall I look up to her ! Enter Mrs. Golding (in a morning dijhabille.) Mrs. Gold. Nay, come in, child ! pray come in ! I muft fpeak to poor Beverley. Come in, Mifs Lydia, I beg of you \_Beverley runs to the door and introduces Lydia} Ay, take care of her, kinfman ! She is a delicate foul, and as much mocked as if (he were your fifter. But, for Heaven's fake, child, what is this rigmarole ftory that Mr. Fable has dif- tracled us about ? Bev. A very ferious affair, indeed, madam. Mrs. Gold. Serious ! he's always ferious, I think preaching, preaching, for ever preaching ! Like ladyTott'nam,that builds all theMethodift chapels. But it's a ftrange thing Mr. Golding mould never write me word of all this bufinefs. Bev. I have not yet examined the proofs ; but dare fay, Mr. Fable has juft grounds for his pro- ceedings. Mrs. Gold. Lord, lord ! how this breaks into all my arrangements ! The glafs over my drefling- room chimney-piece is ftuck round with cards, one upon another I am promifed the whole town over IM for i S 2 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. for thefe three months. But it's no matter they'll be the death of me fo it don't figrrify. [Throws kerfelf into a chair. Bev. We muft look forward, madam. The profpeft is a little gloomy at prefent, but promifes to clear again. No endeavours fhall be wanting on my part. Mrs. Gold. No, I dare fay. You were always a good creature a great favourite of mine, you know, always But I can't tell what poflefled them to -make you a Man of Bufmefs. If they had been ruled by me, they would have put you into the guards. You would have made a fweet figure in a regimental : Would not he, Lydia ? And then you'd have had as little to do as Colonel~Parade or Captain Gilliflower. But I'll look into the red book the only book worth looking into and fee if we can't ufe our intereft to get you fome little fnug fmecure a commiflioner of trade, perhaps, or a lord of the admiralty. Bev. I begin to feel we have no dependence but on ourfelves, madam. Mrs. Gold. Well, well may-be not, kinfman and yet we have a very genteel fet of acquaint- ance. But, mercy on me, what a figure do I make, if any body fhould call, in this muflin made, THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 153 fliade, and queen's night-cap ! Lydia, my dear ! let me leave you here a minute or two, while I ihuffle on my things and then come to me in my dreffing-room. Your converfation is better than hartfhorn or lavender. Poor Beverley here looks as difmal, as young lady Grizzle on her marriage with old Sir Solomon. [Exit. Manent Beverley and Lydia. \They remain fame time Jilent.~\ Bev. Excufe me, madam, if I venture to exprefs how deeply I am fenfible of your appearing to be affe&ed by my misfortunes : And yet I can- not but confefs that I feel your compalfion almoft as painfully as a reproach for I am confcious I have not deferved it. Lydia, Touched as I am with the reverfe of your fituation, Mr. Ueverley, I will not diifemble to you that I am pleafed with the change in your behaviour. Bev. Still, ftill, this very approbation ferves to reproach me with the impropriety of my late con- duel: towards you. I feel it ; I requefl your for- givenefs of it ; and mould be happy to paft the reft of my life in endeavouring to atone it. Lydia. Make no apologies to me, Mr. Bev "; I have 154 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. I have no right to expect them, nor has your con- duct rendered them necefiary. Moft young gentle- men who pique themfelves on their knowledge of the world, aft much in the fame manner as you behaved to me. Bev. It is too true ; but it is not the fwarm of coxcombs that renders them lefs impertinent or troublefome. I ought not to have adopted their contemptuous airs, without being mafter alfo of their tame infenfibility ; yet I had youth to plead in excufe for my vanities j and I flatter myfelf, that time and reflection and another motive, that diftracts me when I think of it~rrmight have ren- dered me an object lefs unworthy your companion. Calamity has torn the veil from my eyes, and I now fee, but too plainly, not only your excellence, but my own imperfections. Lydia. Calamity is a fevere mafter, yet amend- ment can fcarce be purchafed too dearly : And as your errors have been venial, your diftrefs may be but tranfient j nay, may, perhaps, at laft be the means of your happinefs. Bev. Impoflible ! impoflible ! However I may be reftored to affluence, I can never, never tafte of happinefs. I have thrown away perhaps wan- tonly too I have thrown away the jewel that mould THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 155 {hould have been the pride and blefling of my life. Oh, Lydia ! the feelings of worldly diflrefs are nothing to the agonies of a defpairing aftedlion. My fituation extorts from me what I have hitherto endeavoured to conceal, even from myfelf. I love you I feel I long have loved you though wretch and fool enough to be almoft afhamed of a paflion in which I ought to have gloried. I am now punifhed for it heaven knows, feverely puniflied perhaps too feverely by lofing the very hopes of ever obtaining you. Lydia. Do not run from one dangerous extreme to another, Mr. Beverley ; but guard againft de- fpondency, as well as vanity and prefumption. I fee you are much agitated, much dejected ; and what it would, perhaps, have been dangerous and unpardonable to have owned to you but yefteruiiy, to-day I mail not fcruple to declare. Hurried away, as you were, by a torrent of fafhionable va- nities, and the poor ambition of keeping high company, I thought I could difcern in your mind and difpofition no mean underftanding, nor un- generous principles too good for the aflbciates you had felected, and too fufceptible not to be in danger from fuch fociety. It is no wonder, therefore, if I felt any growing partiality for you, that I endeavoured to reftrain it. Bev. , 5 6 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Sev.To reftrain it ! Say rather, to extinguifh it. Oh, I now perceive all my wretchednefs. But, to be fupplanted by my bofom-friend ! by Denier ! Lydia. I am at a lofs to comprehend you. Bev. He confeiTed to me his paflion for you but this very morning not an hour ago, he de- clared to me his intention of making you ferious propofals. Lydia. Such propofals would be fure of being rejected rejected with the utmofl indignation. Bev. What do I hear ? May I ftill hope then ? And are you refolved not to liften to his ad- drefles ? Lydia. I am too well acquainted with his charac- ter. His manners, indeed, are lively, and his worldly turn enables him to work himfelf into the friendfhip of others ; efpecially, thofe like your- felf, Mr. Beverley of an un'defigning open-heart- ed character in order to avail himfelf of their foibles, promote his interefl, and gratify his pe- nury. Rely not too fecurely on the warmth of his profeflions ! Steady to no point but his interefl, you will find him fhifting in his conducl, according to the revolutions in your fortune. He feemed at firft defirous to unite me to you; but now, hearing, I fuppofe, of the alteration in your circumflances, and the late remittances in my favour, it is per- fedly THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 157 fectly agreeable to his fentiments, to endeavour to fupplant you. As yet, however, he has made me no overtures. Bev. So far then, at leaft, he is not unfaith- ful. But, oh, my Lydia ! may I interpret your repugnance to his addrefles as an argument in my favour ? Lydia. I have already frankly declared my opi- nion of your character. It now remains with you to prove the truth of that opinion, and to determine my refolution accordingly. Do but bear up againft adverfity, fo as to fliew yourfelf equal to the pof- fible return of profperity a trial, perhaps, ten times more dangerous and be allured, Mr. Be- verley, that, with the approbation of my friends, I ihall be happy to give every proof of my efteem for fo valuable a character. Bev. My deareft Lydia ! {kijjing her band] Mo- deft, amiable Lydia ! When you avow efteem, let me prefume to conftrue it affection ! Oh, Ly- dia, you have made me fond of my misfortune*. Eafe and affluence corrupted me, and had fi> weakened and enervated my mind, that the rough ftroke of adverfity would have ftunncd me beyond the power of recovery, had not your gentle hand raifed me to the hope of h.ippinefs. Take your pupil, 158 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. pupil, Lydia ; and render him for you only can effect it oh, render him worthy of fo dear, fo exquifite a monitrefs ! [Exeunt. ACT III. An Apartment In Golding's Houfe. Enter Servant, jhew'ing in Tropick. Servant. WH AT muft I fay to Mr. Fable, Sir? Trap. Only let him know that his old friend, Mr. Tropick, the ihip's hufband, defires to fpeak with him-. Strv. I fhall, Sir. [Exit. Tropick alone. Yes, I fhall fpeak to him and pretty roundly too, I believe. What times we live in ! No morals, no order, no decency ! Barefaced villainy at one end of the town, and villainy in a mafk at the other ! But my old friend here a hypocrite ! I fhould almofl as foon have miftrufted myfelf. It is an unthankful office to give advice and reproof j but it is the duty, as well as privilege, of thofe \vho have been long acquainted with each other, THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 159 to let an old friend know, that all the world thinks him a fcoundrel. Oh, here he is. I'll give it him I'll le&ure him I'll Enter Fable. Fable. Ha ! my old friend, Tropick ! How arc you ? how do you ? Trop. Well, very well. Fable. I am glad on't ; I rejoice to fee you. Trop. May be fo, may be fo. Fable. And your family ? All well, I hope. Trop. All very well. Fable. And the young fupercargo ? How does he go on ? Trop. Mighty well, mighty well. Fable. Excellent! And his elder brother, that was placed at Madrafs, is ho removed to Bengal yet, as he propofed ? Trop. He is, he is ; but Fable. That's right : Madrafs for health, Bengal for wealth ! that's the maxim there, you know. Trop. Very true, very true ; but Fable. And Mrs. Tropick too How is (he ? How is your wife ? Trop. Pfhaw ! let my wife alone ! I want to fpeak with you, old Fable ; I want to fpeak with you. Falls. i (So THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Fable. Well ; why don't you then ? Trap. Becaufe you hinder me. You flop my mouth with enquiries, and won't let me fqueeze in a fyllable edgeways A plague of your que- flions ! Fable. Well, fpeak. I am all attention. What have you to fay to me ? Trap. Have you a friend or acquaintance in the world ? Fable. I think fo ; fome few true friends, many more very fufpicious, and a number of commorf acquaintance. Trap. And do you expect to keep one, that has common fenfe or common honefty, for the future ? Fable. Yes ; and yourfelf in particular. But what's the matter ? If you think I have done any thing wrong, it would be but friendly to tell me fo. Trap. I came on purpofe to tell you ; I came on pnrpofe to abufe you, old Fable. Fable. I am obliged to you ; but for what reafon ? Trap. Every honeft man fhould not only abhor a crime, but even keep clear of fufpicion. Fable. Impoflible. Trap. How fo . ? THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 161 Fable. Both are not in his power. Not to be criminal, indeed, lies in his own breaft ! but fuf- picion and calumny, in the breads and mouths of others. You confider yourfelf as an honeft man, I fuppofe. Trop. Zounds ! I know I am, without confider- ing at all. Fable. And yet, honeft as you are, you could no more prevent my thinking you a rafcal, were I inclined to believe you one, than I could hinder your calling me fo. Trop. I tell you, all the world calls you fo. It is the talk of the whole city the Alley is full of it the 'Change rings with it and by and by, I fuppofe, the talkers in Leadenhall-ftreet will ha- rangue about it. You are pretty well paragraphed already, old Fable. Fable. I can't help their talking or writing. I can only take care not to deferve it. Trop. Not deferve it ! Why, was not Golding, the great banker here, your old friend and acquain- tance ? Fable. Moft intimately fo ; moft confidentially ; or, at his departure for India, he would fcarce have trufted his whole family and affairs to my care, with the particular charge of young Beverley. VOL. II. M Trop. 162 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Trap. Oh, did hefo ? Now we are come to the point then. And a fine guardian you have fhewn yourfelf a pretty friend to Mr. Golding too ! You have ftaggered the credit of the houfe, driven the poor young fellow almoft out of his fenfes, arid made yourfelf his fole truflee and creditor. Every body fees what you drive at but the court of Chancery may bring you to account yet, old Fable.. Fable. Let the parties file their bill at their plea- fure or rather, do you be my chancellor. Trap. I your chancellor ! Fable. Yes, you, my friend. I'll put in my anfwer immediately but remember, that while I call upon your judgment in equity,! muft alfo infift on your fecrecy. Trap. What ! keep it a fecret that yon are an honed man ? Let all the world fuppofe you a fcoundrel ? Fable. No matter. Don't let your zeal for my character teach them to unriddle the myftery at prefent; but rather aflift me in carrying on my project. Firft, however, promife filence. Give me your word, old friend. Trap. My honour Now you know you are fure of me. Fable. I am convinced of it. You muft know, then, THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 163 then, that the danger of the houfe, and the ruin of young Beverley, is all a mere fiction. Trap. A lie ! Zounds ! to what purpofe ? Fable. The bed in the world. A white lie, my friend ! to refcue Beverley, and fave Mr. Golding. Trap. A white lie ? I don't underftand you. Explain. Fable. The young man was in the high road to deftruction, and driving at fuch a rate that he muft foon have overfet the whole undertaking. It was time to pull the check-firing. To fpeak plainly; intoxicated as he was by pleafure and vanity, and countenanced by Mrs. Golding, who ought to hare difcouraged him, direct advice would have been thrown away upon him. But could I (land by a filent and inactive fpeclator of the ruin of a whole family ? No. Finding him incorrigible by fofter means, I conjured up the phantom of poverty. The meafures I hnve taken have already brought him to rcafon ; he promifes to become a new man ; I (hall ultimately appear to be a true friend ; and the credit of the houfe will be more firmly eftablifhed than ever. Trap. I am fpeechlefs ftruck dumb you have taken my breath away I have not a word to fay againft you you are a very worthy, fenfible, honeft M 2 fellow, 164 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. fellow, old Fable. You have redeemed your friend Golding, and will be the making of the young fellow's fortune. Fable. Nay, I can't take the credit of his refor- mation entirely to myfelf neither. He is in love, it feems, with a mod amiable young lady, whofe tendernefs is redoubled by his misfortunes, while no calamity feems to affecl. his mind but the ima- ginary want of a fortune fuitable to his pretenfions to her. Trap. And how can you anfwer it to yourfelf, to retain his money in your hands, when he wifhes to make fo laudable a ufe of it ? Fable. I don't mean to retain it. Finding Be- verley in fo fair a: way of amendment, I have al- ready fet another wheel in motion, and (un- known to him) circulated a report of a fudden turn of fortune in his favour. Trap. Unknown to him, d'ye fay ? Fable. Totally j and it is pleafant enough to fee how aukwardly he receives the civilities which are paid to him in confequence of this report, while, unconfcious of the caufe, he expects (according to the way of the world) nothing but flights and reproaches. To confirm the report, however, and to put him into good humour with himfelf again, I mean THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 165 I mean to fend a pretended agent or mefTenger to him, with letters and confiderable remittances, as from Mr. Golding. All I want is a trufty perfon to difcharge fuch a commiflion. Trap. Can I be of any ufe to you ? Fable. Infinite, if you would undertake this negociation, Trap. I ! Why, I am unknown in the family, 'tis true but then the letters Mr. Golding's hand, you know Fable. Oh, reafons may be affigned for his mak- ing ufe of another hand. Befides, they won't be examined fo nicely. You come to bring money, not to receive it and that makes a wide difference. But we lofe time. Will you afiift me ? Trap. I will hand and heart body and foul, old Fable. Let me have the (lores, fails, malts, and rigging, and I'll fit him out as handfomely'as any veflel I ever furnifhed in my life. You are a true- hearted, found-bottomed fellow, old Fable. But what an afs have I made of myfelf ! Here did I come open-mouthed to reproach you for your roguery ; and now you have perfuaded me to become your accomplice. Fable. My ally leagued in honour, not com- bined and confederated in villany. But, come with M 3 me 166 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. me to my clofet, and I'll furnifh you with the needful. Trcp. I'll follow you ; but ! muft, I muft aflc your pardon firft. It touched me to the quick to hear you were a rafcal, and I could not help telling you fo. I beg your pardon again, and again, and again, my friend. You are one of the worthieft men in the world But, you know, there are not a more filly, empty, infolent, impudent, ignorant, lying vermin, than your framers of common reports, and collectors of perfonal paragraphs wretches that pretend to know every thing, and know nothing. Your thoughts, words and actions, they know them all j what you have done, what you are doing, and what you intend to do, they know; know what a Papiit tells his confeflbr, or the king whifpers the queen ; things that never have been, will be, nor are like to be, ftill they know true or falfe, right or wrong, praife or blame, they don't care a halfpenny. And I, to give a moment's credit to them ! Forgive me this once, my friend ; and for the future, without certain authority, I'll never believe a word T hear from common report, or depend upon a fyllable I read in the news-papers. [Exeunt, Enter THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 16*7 T?jeJ?reet. Enter Lord Riot and Colonel Rakljb. Col. Rak. But do you think there is any truth in this report, my lord ? Lord Riot. Fat you may depend upon't. A proctor from the city, who came to me about my fuit with lady Riot, now depending in the Com- mons, told me that he heard it at the St. Paul's Coffee-houfe, from a gentleman that brought the news piping-hot from Sir George Sterling at Gar- raway's, and from other particular friends of old Fable. Col. Rak. So then Beverley is upon his legs again, and Golding is not ruined, after all. L. Riot. Full of treafure as a mine, with a certain income as large as a jaghire fent home whole lacks of rupees by the laft Indiaman, and bufhels of diamonds as plenty as Scotch pebbles. Col. Rak. A lucky turn for Beverley ! I wifli I had known it before ; I would not have black-balled him at Stapylton's ; but, faith, I thought he had nothing for it but to {hoot himfelf. Z.. Riot. He is actually meditating a very de- fpcrate aftion. I hear he is going to be married. Col. Rak. Ay ? to whom, my lord ? M 4 L. Riot. i68 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. L. Riot. Why, to mifs Oh, here he is, to give ail account of himfelf. Enter Beverley. How do you, how do you, Beverley ? Nay, never look fo grave and ferious, man ! I know you have no occafion. But why did you not call as I defired you, Beverley ? I love to ferve you, and {hould have been very glad to fee you ? Bev. I am obliged to your lordfhip, but I have been engaged in particular bufinefs. L. Riot. Bufinefs ! You ufed to think pleafure your bufinefs. Bev. And now, thank 4ieaven, I have learnt to think bufinefs my pleafure. Col. Rak. Ah, that's the true language of a man that is making a fortune and rolling in money, my lord. But, Beverley, my dear boy, why did you not call on me, if you ever thought there was the leaft fhadow of an occafion ? You muft be fure that all I could command was entirely at your fervice. Bev. I am obliged to you, colonel ; but there was not the le^ft neceflity for it. L. Riot. No, no ; fo it feems. I am very glad *o hear it. Will you look in upon us at Almack's this evening, Beverley ? Bev. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 169 Bev. It will not be in my power, my lord. Col. RaL We dine at the Tilt-Yard Coffee-houfe to-day. There is fome excellent claret. Will you go along with us, Beverley. Bev. Not now, I thank you, colonel ; I am going to Mr. Denier. L. Riot. Well j let us fee you foon ; don't forfake your friends, Beverley. Col. Rak. No ; don't let us lofe you ; come amongfl us foon, my boy. In the mean time, I wifli you much joy. L. Riot. So do I. Good day, Beverley ! Col. Rak. Good day, good day to you, Beverley ! [Exeunt Lord Riot and Colonel Rakijh. Beverley alone. Wifh me joy ! what do they mean ? furelv, not to infult me ! No, no ; their manner was frank, and hearty, and cordial. And yet, I thought they be- haved oddly on the firft mock of my a-lairs. But, perhaps, my fenfibility was too quick on truit oc- cafion, and my confufion on the breaking-out of my misfortunes made me fee every thing fhrou^h a falfe medium. Yes, yes, I dare fay I wronged my friends, and I am heartily concerned at it. Enter i 7 o THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Enter Cajb. Cajh. Oh, Mr. Beverley, your fervant ! I am glad I have found you. I have jtrft been at your houfe to defire you to difcount thefe bills. They are indorfed by good men, and have not above a fortnight or three weeks to run, Sir. Bev. Difcount, Mr. Cafh ? What do you mean , You know I never venture to do any thing of that fort at prefent. Cajh. Not venture, indeed ! Well faid, Mr. Beverley ; you are pleafed to be pleafant. Bev. I wifh you would pleafe to be ferious. I am fo, I can afTure you, Mr. Cafh. Cajh. What ! you won't difcount the bills then ? Bev. No. Cajh. Confider the names at the back of them. Bev. No matter. It don't fuit us. Cajh. " It don't fuit us," that's the banker's old anfwer in the negative. When you're come to that, I am fure you won't do it I am forry for it I muft try fome other houfe Your fervant. [Exit. Bev. Yours ! Now for Denier. {Going. Enter Hazard. Ifaz. Mr. Beverley ! one word with you, if you pleafe. Bev. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 171 Bev. [turning.'] Mr. Hazard! Your pleafure, Sir? Haz. We have a policy here on Sir Francis Racket, infured for a year for twelve thoufand and we fliould be glad of your name at the bottom of it. Bev. My name, Mr. Hazard ! Haz. If you pleafe, Sir. There is a handfome premium, and Sir Francis is a very good life He was (hewn at the coffee-houfe yefterday a very good life not above fix or feven and twenty a little wild, indeed ; but fuicide and the hands of juftice, you know, are always excepted. Bev. I pretend to underwrite, Mr. Hazard ! Do you want to ruin me entirely ? Haz. Ruin you ! ha, ha, ha ! ruin you a very good jeft,- faith I wifh I was ruined your way, Mr. Beverley. {Laughing. Bev. Do you hugh at me ? Haz. No, no I don't laugh at you but upon my word you make me merry, Mr. Beverley Poor ruined gentleman ! ha, ha ! Will you fill up the policy, Sir ? Bev. No, not at fifty per cent. Sir. You know my fituation ; and let me tell you, Sir, I look upon your application at this time as impertinent par- ticularly impertinent. [Turns afide. Haz. i 7 2 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Haz. Know my fituation ! Lord, how fome folks fwell on their good fortune ! He is turning fine gentleman again already, I perceive. Impertinent, quotha ! I wifti he would have fet his name to the policy, tho' I would rather not have had an Ifraelite among the underwriters however, let the worft come to the worft, we are fure of little Abraham at laft. Impertinent, indeed ! [Exit. Beverley alone. This affront, among many other mortifications, is brought upon me by my paft folly and imprudence. Not only cenfured by the fenfible and the generous, but reproached by the bafe, ridiculed by the mali- cious, and infulted by the meanefl of mankind Confufion ! But it is no wonder that I mould be treated contemptuoufly by others, when my con- duct has rendered me fo thoroughly defpicable even to myfelf, {.Exit. An apartment in Denver's houfe. Enter Lydia and Denier. Lydia. Nay, ceafe, I befeech you, Sir ! Do not, by urging me on a point fo very difagreeable, ren- der it too painful a talk to preferve that refpeft for you, that I wifh to maintain ! Denier. Engaging Lydia ! How much your referve THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 173 referve becomes you. Yet, let me flatter myfelf it is mere coynefs -, and thefe little pruderies ; for fo I will fuppofe them call forth new graces in your character, and revive the flame you would attempt to extinguifh. Lydia. It is, however, with a peculiar ill grace, Sir, that you now pretend to difcover in me thefe latent qualifications. You, who feemed lately fo defirous of recommending Mr. Beverley, and now, from what motive you know beft, honouring me with your own addrefles. Denier. Beverley ! Beverley is convinced of my inviolable friendmip for him but it is no wonder, Lydia, that I, who had daily and hourly oppor- tunities of contemplating your perfections, fhould be more deeply ftruck, than he that faw you but occafionally. I mould not, however, fuch is my regard for him, have urged my own fuit, without being previoufly allured of his abfolute indifference. Lydia. Indifference ! As to that, Sir, Mr. Be- verley's indifference, or Mr. Beverley's partiality, in this inftance, is not at all material. I am placed in your family, it is true ; and my fituation in life is not as yet pofitively afcertained. I was taught to believe, indeed, that I fhould -ere now have been received and acknowledged by my frici.U,: But i 7 4 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. But I confider fome late events as an earneft of their fpeedy appearance, and I truft they will offer no violence to my inclinations. I am determined, at leaft, in my own bread ; and be aflured, Sir, that no intereft, no force, no time, fhall make my re- folution. Denier. Your friends, madam, may poffibly be of a different opinion ; and though I might not wifh them to put any conflraint on you, they will hardly be partial to the ruinous ftate of poor Beverley. Lydia. In you, Sir, his intimate friend, fuch a reflection is particularly ungenerous: Yet do not prefume too much upon that notion, Sir ! What- ever I may think of Mr. Beverley, fortune at leaft appears inclined to favour him. Denier. Riddles ! riddles, Lydia ! Lydia. You have not heard "the late news then. He now feems as much courted by profperity, as he was but lately threatened by misfortunes : And I am this moment going with Mrs. Carlton, to give Mrs. Golding joy on the occafion. Denier. And to congratulate Beverley ? Lydia. Perhaps fo but be that as it may, you muft at leaft allow that I have dealt candidly with you. Grave as I may feem, Sir, I would not wifh to appear a prude , and I fcorn all coquetry. [Exit. Denier, THE MAN OF BUSINESS. i 7s Denier alone. Yes, yes ; fhe's fond of Bererley, I fee doat- ingly fond of him ! and when a fentimental lady is once tquched by a fond paflion, the rage is incur- able. But this fudden turn of fortune too in his favour that I warrant has its effect with her gold, gold, will have its weight I fliall foon know the particulars. In the mean time, fuppofe I make a merit with Beverley of facrificing my paflion to him. He certainly likes her; and it will be a cheap piece of generofity to refign that which I have no hopes of obtaining. I love to hufband my good offices : Ay, ay ! that's the true policy ! to gain the good will of others, without touching your own property. Make a fmall prefent to thofe that you are fure want nothing at all, and it turns to account, like money put out at high intereft. And ever, ever open your purfe, and offer to lend to thofe, who you know have no occafion to borrow! Enter Severity. Ha ! Beverley ! you're welcome. Good day to you ! Bev> Good day, Denier ! I was impatient to fee you. Dtnur. Yes, I dare fay. I knew you would not be 176 THE MAN OF BUSINI be long out of the houfe. But come ; confefs ho- neftly, Beverley ! Was this vifit wholly defigned for me ? Was it not partly nay, chiefly intended for Lydia ? Bev. Lydia ! Lydia ! I fhould have been very glad to fee Lydia I hope fhe is well. Denier. Very well and very much at your fer- vice very much at your fervice, Beverley. Bev. What do you mean ? Denier. I mean what I fay and I have been thinking too on what patted at our lad meeting, Beverley. Bev. On what fubjecl ? Denier. Nay, nay ; there is but one fubjecl: of any confequence now, you know. But I am afraid you diflembled with your friend a little. You ihould be frank and generous with me. The com- merce of friendfhip can't fubfifl without it ; and I have that title to the knowledge of what pafies in your bread, Beverley. Bev. It was then in a ftate of infurrection, and I was not mafter of its emotions, nor, indeed, well able to marfhal or ciftinguiih them : But you know I never fcrupled to lay my heart open to you. Denier. Why, to do you juftice, I believe your not being explicit, arofe from the agitation of your mind THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 177 mind at that inftant, rather than from want of fin- cerity and I was a little flow of apprehenfion on my part but now we perfectly underftand each other. I fee you love Lydia : I am fure of it and, out of friendllup and regard to you, my dear Beverley I frankly give up all my pretenfions to her. Bev. Generous, generous Denier ! Denier. Not at all not at all all my good offices with her friends, my corrcfpondents in India, Mr. Fable, and your own family, you have a right to command. Bcv. Your kiudnefs overwhelms me. How fhamefully was I difpofed for a time to do injustice to friendihip ! I now defpife the mean and narrow common-place maxims, of our friends falling off from us. There is a jealoufy in the unfortunate an unworthy fufpicion of neglect and contempt on account of their diftretTcs My flighted ac- quaintance have given me proofs of their good will, and your frieudlhip is above all acknowledg- ment. Denier. I am happy in an occafion of teftifying my unquestionable regard for you. Bev. I don't doubt it. Denier. Depend on it. Vol. II. N A*. 178 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Btv. My beft friend ! Denier. My dear, dear Beverley ! [Exeunt , prejjingbands t embracing^protejling^ &c. ACT IV. An apartment in Gelding's houfe. Enter Fable and Check. Fable. THIS way, this way, Check! And are you fure, quite fure, this is fac~l ? Check. Too true, Sir. Fable. Speculated in India-ftock, do you fay ? Check. To an incredible amount, Sir ! here's the particular, Sir. Fable. Let me fee let me fee \looking at the paper.~] Confufion ! and had you no knowledge or fufpicion of thefe tranfacliions till now, Check ? Check. Not the leaft item, Sir. Little Smoufe the broker is but juil gone, and fays he has done more (lock for my young mafter, than for half the reft of the alley. Fable. What imprudence ! what madnefs ! Check. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 179 Check. High play, indeed, Sir! Sir Charles Ducat of Mincing-^lane, and my young matter, it feems, have had the whole game between them. My young mafter is the bull, and Sir Charles is %ie bear. He agreed for flock, expecting it to be up at three hundred by this time ; but, lack-a-day, Sir, it has been falling ever fince. You know the refcounter day, Sir ; and if Mr. Beverley does not pay his differences within thefe four-and-twenty hours, the world cannot hinder his being a lame duck. Fable. It fcarce fignifies what becomes of him a prodigal ! But my friend Mr. Golding Check. Ay, if Mr. Beverley fails, .the whole houfe muft fuffer, Sir. Having flood the late run upon us, our credit was firmer than ever. But, after a tumble in the Alley, our notes will no more pafs than a light guinea. Fable. Is Mr. Beverley within ? Check. I thought I heard him come in juft as I was following you hither, Sir. Fable. Let him know I defire to fpeak with him. Check. I will, Sir. \Exlt. Fable alone. So ! To trifle with ferious matters is playing with fire, I find. The ruin I counterfeited is now N 2 becoming 1 8o THE MAN OF BUSINESS. becoming real ; and the meafures I embraced to reform Beverley, and fave my friend, will only ferve to haften tbeir deftruc~lion. The fuddennefs of the alarm confounds me. The fhortnefs of t&e time too ! Oh, you are here, Sir. Enter Beverley. Bev. To attend your pleafure, Sir. Fable. To witnefs your own irretrievable ruin, Sir! How comes it, Mr. Beverley, how comes it, I fay, that you have hitherto kept your adventuring in the Alley, your infamous gambling in India- ftock, fo profound a fecret from me ? Bev. Spare your reproaches, Mr. Fable ! They are needlefs. I know all my fault, and all my mifery. Ruin and infamy now ftare me in the face, and drive me to defpair. The vain hopes I had cherifhed of avoiding both are fruftrated j and there is not at this moment a more pitiable object than the wretch you now fee before you. Fable. Pitiable ! And what part of your con- duit, Sir, has entitled you to companion ? To that compalTion, which the ch arable ri flick huma- nity of this nation has ever {hewn to the unfortu- nate ? fometimes, indeed, to the imprudent ? Have you, Sir, any claim to this ? You, who have fo grofly abufed the mutual confidence between THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 181 man and man, and betrayed the important truft repofed in you What ! a banker ! a banker, Mr. Beverley, not only fquandering his own fortune, but playing with the property of others ! the pro- perty of unconfcious perfons filently melting away, as if by forgery, under his hands, without their own prodigality ! And is fuch a man, becaufe he is at length buried in the ruin he has pulled down on others, an object of companion ? No, Sir, nothing is to be lamented but the mildnefs of his punifhment. Bev. The very atrocioufnefs of his crime, the pungency of his guilt and remorfe, which put him upon a rack feverer than any penal laws could de- vife, ftill render him an objet of pity. Fable. Your remorfe and reformation, I fear, were but hypocrify. Where was that ingenuous confidence that would elfe have prompted you to lay open this dark tranfaflion, as well as the reft of your unjuftifiable extravagance ? Your candour, in that inftance, would at lead have argued the fincerity of your profeflions, and afforded a real proof of your penitence. Bev. Oh, Sir, do not attribute my filence to deceit ! I had been taught to hope and believe that the event would have proved profperous ; and N 3 thought 182 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. thought to have furprifed you, and charmed Ly- dia, with my unexpected good fortune. But, oh, what a cruel reverfe have I now to experience! Fable. A reverfe that the daily experience of thoufands might have warned you to avoid, rather than to build your hopes on fuch a fandy founda- tion. The tide of eaftern riches flowing in upon us, which might have fcattered plenty over our country, fuch adventurers as you, Mr. Beverley, have rendered, the parent of poverty, and the means of almoft general bankruptcy. A fimple individual to rife to-day worth half a million- an undone man to-morrow ! Are thefe the principles of commerce ? Were thefe the leffons which your worthy father tranfmitted to you ? or which I have inculcated ? Bev. Have mercy, Mr. Fable ; confider my (ituation, and do not feek to aggravate the horrors of it ! I who fo lately thought myfelf in the road to profperity, hoping to retrieve my fortune, and redeem my character, now fhortly to be branded as the mod faithlefs of beings, the bafeft of man- kind ! Diftraaion ! Fable. Your fituation, I own is dreadful j but by what an unpardonable complication of depravity have you brought it upon yourfelf, Mr. Beverley ! Not THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 183 Not content with one fpecies of enormity, but in- duftrioufly multiplying your ruin, and combining in yourfelf the double vices of a Man of Bufmefs, and a Man of Pleafure ! Gambling the whole morn- ing in the Alley, and fitting down at night to guinze and hazard at St. James's ; by turns, making yourfelf a prey to the rooks and (harks at one end of the town, and the bulk and bears at the other ! Formerly, a young fpendthrift was contented with one fpecies of prodigality but it was referved for you and your precious aflbciates to compound this new medley of folly, this olio of vice and extravagance, at once including the diflblutenefs of an abandoned debauchee, the chi- canery of a pettyfogger, and the dirty tricking of a fraudulent flock-jobbing broker. Bev. Go on ; go on, Sir ! it is lefs than I merit, and I can endure it with patience. My late hu- miliation was but the prologue to my total ruin. The moft defperate calamity cannot now make me more miferable. Fable. Oh, Beverley ! did you but know the con- folation I had in flore for you, the fchemes I had formed to make you eafy in your circumftances, and happy in your love, you would (till more re- gret this cruel difappointment. N 4 Bev. 1 8 4 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Bev. Happy in my love ! Oh, Lydia, I dare not even think of my prefumption in having afpired to your favour ! Fable. Go, young man ! go to thofe friends on whom you formerly placed fuch reliance, and try what they will contribute to deliver you from ruin ! Leave me a while ftudying to exert my weak endeavours to preferve my friend or, if they fail, ftruggling to arm my mind with fortitude and patience. Bev. Where {hall I direct myfelf? to whom (hall I apply ? My (ituation, I fear, is hopelefs. The inhabitant of a dungeon, under fentence of execution, is in a ftate of happinefs, to what I feel at this moment. [Exit. Fable alone. Tho* he appears at this inftant fo very culpable, I cannot but be touched by his agitation and re- morfe. Yet this is not a moment for paflion, but reflection. The ruin, if not prevented, fo tho-* roughly overwhelming ! The time fo preffmg ! My friend abfent ! The property I can command, large and confiderable as it is, not to be converted into fpecie dire&ty ! What can be done ? Mr. Tropick muft return me the money in his hands, which THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 185 which I muft now prevent his delivering, as well as the fuppofed letters to Beverley yet that will be far, very far from fufficient how to make up the reft then ? There is one way indeed but is that warrantable ? Lydia's truft-money. Have I a right, on any pretence whatever, to lay my hands but for a moment, on that facred depofit ? And yet, where would be the injury ? I am fure of re- placing the fum before there is the lead probability of its being demanded ; and that refource, in conjun&ion with others already in my power, would fupply every emergency. My abfent friend would be refcued from certain ruin, even the tranf- greflion of Beverley might be concealed from the world, and Lydia would fuffer no wrong, nor even be alarmed by fufpicion. It fhall be fo. I'll fee this broker, and fettle the matter immediately. And yet, my heart recoils at this tranfaUon. The moft pious frauds are at leaft ambiguous; and I feel it as the moft cruel neceflity to be driven to indireft means, even for the moft gener- ous purpofes. But I have entangled myfelf by one crooked action, and I muft endeavour to redeem all by another. [Exit, jfnotber 1 86 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Another apartment in the fame boufe. Enter Handy and Mrs. Flounce. Handy. Oh ! if this be the cafe, I fhall give warning immediately. Mrs. Flounce. So fhall I, I promife them. Ruined indeed ! In my mind it is a monftrous piece of impudence in thefe trumpery merchant-people to keep gentlefolks for their fervants, like people of quality. Mrs. Golding quotha ! a gentlewoman of my genteel family as wealthy a rope-maker's daughter as any in the city of Briftol ! equal to Mrs. Golding, I hope, at any time. Handy. Equal, Mrs. Flounce ! ay, and a great deal fuperior. An old worn-out bit of beggar's- tape, that binds the hem of quality ! imitating countefles and ducheffes endeavouring to adapt her vulgar weft-country airs to the meridian of St. James's aping, in her Briftol manner, the airs and graces of perfons of fafhion but no more like perfons of fafhion, than a Briftol ftone is to a diamond ! Mrs. Flounce. Well ! fervice, as they fay, is no inheritance, Mr. Handy fo I fha'n't go into place again not I, truly I have taken a houfe at Hogfden, THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 187 Hogfden, and intend to fet up a boarding-fchool to teach young ladies breeding. Handy. And you'll have great fuccefs, I dare fay, Mrs. Flounce. As to me, my mafter was to have got me a good place in the India-houfe ; or to have fent me out with the next cargo of judges and generals to Bengal. But now he's ruined in the Alley, his intereft I fuppofe is all gone as well as his principal eh, Mrs. Flounce? But this is always the cafe, when Lombard-Street will travel to Pall-Mali. Quite another latitude ! Is not it, Mrs. Flounce ? But odfo ! here's fome- body coming up ftairs we'll fettle this matter in the houfekeeper's room. Your hand, my dear! Mrs. Flounce. And my heart too, Mr. Handy ! but I fhall pick a quarrel with my lady, and give -warning as foon as (he comes home. Handy. To be fure, Mrs. Flounce ! There's nothing more to be got in this houfe. We'll both give warning immediately ; and we'll give up the month's wages to the poor devils, out of mere charity. [Exit. Enter a Servant, followed by Gilding. Gold. Mr. Fable not at home, d'ye fay ? Strv. But juft gone out, Sir. Gold. i88 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Gold. Nor Mr. Beverley ? Serv. No, Sir. Gold. Nor Mrs. Golding neither ? Serv. My lady has been abroad with two other ladies moft part of the morning, but we expect her home very foon, Sir. Gold. Well well as foon as any of them re- turn, let me know, Serv. I will, Sir. {Exit. Golding alone. Very ftrange all this ! I don't underftand one word I have heard or read of my friends, or myfelf, or my affairs, fince I landed. Thou art in a maze, friend Golding ! But a man who comes home from the Indies, muft expect at his return to meet with fome new events to furprife him his houfe burnt, his daughter eloped, his fon engaged in a fray, his wife dead, or fome little accident. The principal object of my voyage too has not yet anfwered, though in other points it has amply fucceeded. I long to fee Mr. Fable, or Beverley, or my wife Who have we here ? Enter Tropick. What is your pleafure, Sir ? Trap. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 189 Trap. To fpeak with Mr. Bcverley. But he is not at home, they fay. Gold. So it feems, Sir. Trap. Having fome very particular bufinefs with him, I mult beg leave to wait for his return. Geld. I am concerned in Mr. Beverley's affairs. Pray, Sir, what is your bufinefs ? You may truft it to me, Sir. Trop. I have letters of great confequence from abroad to deliver to him, and fome more to Mr. Fable. Gold. From abroad ! From what part of the world ? and from whom, Sir ? Trop. From India from my old friend and acquaintance, Mr. Golding. Gold. Mr. Golding ! So, here's an old friend and acquaintance of mine that I never faw in my life before. \afide.~\ And pray, how is Mr. Gold- ing, Sir ? Trap. Never better, Sir. Gold. Where is he at prefent, Sir ? Trop. In India, Sir. Gold. What part of India ? Trop. Bengal. Gold. I don't know that ever I had the pleafure of feeing Mr. GolJing. Pray, what fort of a man is he ? Trop. i po THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Trap. As good a fort of man as breathes, Sir. Gold. Yes ; but his perfon ? Trap. Oh, as to his perfon, that is indifferent enough a little, wizen, withered, whipper-fnap- per old gentleman, fhorter by the head and fhoul- ders than you or I, Sir. A little merry man though many a curry have I eat in his company many a fagar have little Gokly and I fmoaked to- gether. Gold. What ! you and little Goldy are particular friends then ? Trap. Very particular ; or he hardly would have cntrufted me with my prefent cornmiflion, I be- lieve. Gold. What may that cornmiflion be, Sir ? Trap. Nay, I may tell you : and indeed the affair will foon be known by every body. I am not only commiffioned to deliver the letters I men- tioned, but charged with a very capital remittance from my friend Golding, configned to Mr. Fable, in favour of the young gentleman here, Mr. Beverley, for whom I now came to enquire. Gold. And have you this capital remittance with you at prefent, Sir ? Trap. Yes, yes j I have my credentials. Here they are ! [clapping bis band to bis pockef~\ fafe and THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 191 and found, I warrant you and as good as the Bank, Sir. Gold. And you had this money directly from Mr. Golding, you fay ? Trap. From his own hands from whom elfe {hould I have it ? Gold. Nay, how mould I know ? But it is very well as it is very well. Be fo good then, if you pleafe, Sir, to deliver this very capital furri of money to me, Sir ! Trap. To you ? On what account, friend ? Gold. Becaufe, as you fay, you had it from me. Trap. Why, who are you ? Gold. The very perfon from whofe own hands, you confefs, you received it Mr. Golding. Trap. You Mr. Golding ! Gold. The fame. Trap. No, no not you indeed that will never pafs, I promife you. Gold. Not Mr. Golding! Why, who the devil am I then ? Trop. A damn'd rogue, I believe. Juft now you faid, you did not know Mr. Golding ; and as foon as you heard I had brought a confiderable fum of money you are turned into Mr. Golding your- felf. But you may caft yourfkin again, old ferpent. The trick won't take, I afTure you. Gold. ic?z THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Gold. Trick ! This is the mofl impudent piece of knavery ! Trick, indeed ! I -believe, there is feme trick upon me here, if I knew what to make of it Pll have you taken up for a new kind of forgery ; for bringing money upon falfe pretences Trap. And you infift upon it, that you are Mr. Golciing ? Gold. To be fure, I do. I'll call the whole houfe to prove the truth of it. Trap. And Mr. Golding, the true Mr. Golding, is really returned from India then ? Gold. To be fure he is. Can't you fee, Sir ? Trap. I have made a fool of myfelf a fecond time that's what I fee but be who you will, Mr. Golding, or net Mr. Golding, I fhall not deliver the letters or money to you, old gentleman ! I'll go back again, like a fool as I came to the old fool that fent me on fuch a fool's errand ! [Exit. Golding alone. V/liat the plague, am I in India ftill then ? or in the moon ? and myfelf and the people about me all lunaticks ? Our affairs they fay are all in con- fufion, and yet Bevcrley is going to be married. To whom, I wonder! No matter who the match I intended will be quite out of the queftion Another THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 193 Another piece of ill fortune ! But I am in the dark all this while talking of every thing, and acquainted with nothing. Well ! fince I can find nobody, and get no intelligence at home, I will fcek for it abroad by delivering my letters, and making enquiries at Mr. Denier's [going.] But flay ! here's a woman at laft. My wife, I hope. Hey ! how's this ? Do I fee right ? Mrs. Carl- ton ! Enter Mrs. Carlton. Of all the women on earth, Mrs. Carlton ! Mrs. Carlt. Mercy on me ! what do I fee ? Can that be Mr. Winterton ? Gold. No. Mrs. Carlt. Yes ; it is he. Gold. No, no, no, I tell you ! Mrs. Carlt. What ! (ha'n't I believe my fenfea ? Are not you Mr. Winterton ? Gold. Hum ! I am glad to fee you You know me well enough but don't call me by that name again for the life of you ! Mrs. Carlt. Why, your name is Winterton isn't it, Sir ? Gold. Hift ! don't bawl fo Come away from that door a little and not a breath of that name, I charge you. VOL. II. O Mrs. 194 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Mrs. Carlt. Lord, Lord ! what's the matter with you ? What's the man fo much afraid of ? Gold. What moft men are afraid of my wife. Mrs. Carlt. Your wife ! Gold. Ay ! Mrs. Golding. Now you are fatisfied. Mrs* Carlt. What, and are you Mr. Golding then, after all, Sir ? Gold. I believe fo. I was Mr. Golding before I went abroad but I fcarce know who I am, or what I am, or where I am, fince I came back again. Mrs. Carlt. So this was the reafon then that we, poor fouls, could never difcover what was become of you, Mr. Winterton Mr. Golding, I beg ^our pardon, Sir. But you need not be fo terrified for I left Mrs. Golding on a morning vifit, and {he is not come in yet. Gold. In the mean while, let us make the beft ufe of our time then. Where is. my daughter ? where is .ydia ? Mrs. Carlt. I left her with Mrs. Gojding. You'll fee them both here prefently. Gold. That's well but we muft be cautious How does (he do ? Mrs. Carlt. As well as can be expected in her fhuation. GM THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 195 Gold. As well as can be expefted ! What do you mean ? Her fituation ! Not undone, I hope. Mrs. Carlt. Only over head and ears in love, Sir. Gold. In love ! with whom ? Mrs. Carlt. With the young gentleman of this houfe Mr. Beverley. Gold. Beverley !r Why, he is going to be married. Mrs. Carlt. So they fay, Sir. Gold. But to whom ? do you know ? Mrs. Carlt. To her, Sir. Gold. ToLydia? Mrs. Carlt. Yes, to be fure, Sir. Heaven forbid it mould have been any body elfe! But his affairs are all in confufion, it feems, and there's fuch a pother between them, that I am half diftracted about it. Gold. And I am quite diftrafted diftracled with joy, Mrs. Carlton ! Heaven be praifed ! Come, come ! here is one piece of good fortune, however ! Leave young folks to themfelves, I fay. What I have been labouring and ftudying to bring about, have they fettled at once. The very thing I could have wiflied ! Half the purpofe of my voyage to India, and the meaning of the money lately remitted, for which Mr. Fable is appointed jruftee. O 2 Mrtt i 9 6 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Mrs. Carlt. And does Mr. Fable know any thing of her relation to you, Sir ? Gold. Not a fyllable Heaven be praifed, not a fyllable ! I was not willing to explain the matter, till I faw more likelihood of my fcheme's taking place. And now from what I can judge of his proceedings, it is lucky that I never trufted him. An old fox ! a caterpillar ! a viper ! Beverley's fole truftee and creditor indeed ! a crocodile ! Mrs. Carlt. But was it not a little cruel in you to keep us fo long in the dark, Mr. Golding ? Gold. Nay, I have not been fo much to blame neither, Mrs. Carlton. My firft marriage, with Lydia's mother, when I was an idle young fellow, was a foolifli love bufinefs and I knew that my having a daughter abroad would have been an ob- ie&ion to my prefent wife's relations fo I fairly kept the whole matter a fecret. Lydia's mother dying in child-birth, and my prefent marriage having taken place during the infancy of Lydia, I directed her to be educated by another name, under which I once vifited you and my daughter in India that's the whole affair ! But not a word more of the name or the bufinefs, I charge you ! Mrs. Carlt. Not for the world, Sir, till you think proper to mention it. Mrs. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 197 Mrs. Gold, \bebind.~] Defire mifs Lydia to fee the things taken out of the coach, and then to follow me into the drawing-room ! Mrs. Carlt. Ha ! the ladies are here here al- ready, I proteft, Sir. Gold. Yes, I hear my wife's voice. I would not have her furprize us together. I might appear fomewhat aukward and confufed, perhaps. I'll run and give her the meeting but remember now, not a wry word for your life ! Mum, mum, Mrs. Carlton ! {Exit. Mrs. Carlton alone. You may depend upon me, Sir. Ah, Mr. Gold- ing, Mr. Golding ! there is no trufting to looks, I find. Who would have thought of your paffing by a wrong name ? Who would have fufpefled fuch a grave, demure-looking gentleman ? Enter Mr. and Mrs. Gilding. Mrs. Gold. My clear love ! I am tranfported to fee you. This is the mod agreeable furprize I thought the laft flaps that came in would have brought me nothing but letters or, perhaps, a pagoda, or a monkey at befl. But, my hufband ! my dear love ! Oh, my dear, let me introduce a very agreeable, genteel young lady to you ! 03 a young 198 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. a young lady of fortune and family, I aflure you. My hufband, my dear child! [Introducing Lydia J\ My dear, mifs Lydia Winterton ! Lydia. Ha ! my father ! Mr. Winterton ! [Faints away. Mrs. Gold. She faints away ! Take care of the Child ! Maids enter > and run to affift Lydia. Lord ! what's the meaning of this ? She cried out, father / and called you Mr. Winterton. Gold. Yes fiie did fay fomething about Bet- terton. Mrs. Carlt. Ay,- the poor child has very weak fpirits Every little thing flutters her. And Mr. Goiding is a little like her papa too, I think efpecially about the nofe. Gold. Ay ; may be fo may be fo but, my dear, fuppofe you take her into your chamber, and let her lie down a little to recover her fpirits ! Mrs. Gold. Ay ; well foon bring her to herfelf again This way, Molly keep the eau de luce to her nofe. This is from riding backwards in the coach, I fancy This way; gently, Molly ! gently. f Mrs. Gild, and maids lead out Lydia, Manent THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 199 Manent Mrs. Car It on and G aiding. Gold. So, fo ! here was an efeape ! Murder will out. Mrs. Carlt. Never fear, never fear, Sir ! I'll go in to Lydia diredly let nobody be aboitt her but myfelf and as foon as {he recovers, I'll teach her her leflbn, and give her the right cue, I warrant you. Gold. Ay, do fo, do fo, Mrs. Carlton ! Take care, I befeech you ! For the fake of peace and quietnefs, keep this matter a fecret ! I (hall never be able to break it to Mrs. Golding (he would think herfelf injured, cheated, robbed, and undone. And if flie were once to know Lydia was a daughter of mine, flie would ring it in my ears as long as I live a fmoaky houfe, and a fcblding wife, you know ! I need fay no more It is a kind of hell to inhabit one, and the devil himfelf would fcarce live with the other. [Exeunt. 04 ACT V 200 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. A C T V. An apartment in Denier *s houfe. Denier and Capias. Denier. E R Y well, very well ! And you have him fafe then, Mr. Capias ? Capias. Safe and fecure, I warrant you, Sir. I put the writ into fure hands thofe that will touch a man, let him be ever fo fhy. However, they had not much ado in this inftance They planted themfelves at the corner, ftopt Mr. Golding near his own door, and told him their bufinefs : He went with them at once, and is now lodged with my friend Snap in Shire-Lane. Denier. This comes from early intelligence.- No minifler, no genera], no broker, could turn it to greater advantage. Capias. But how did you procure it, Sir ? You are the firft upon the roll I fearched the flieriff's office, and there is nothing elfe out againft Mr. Golding, or any body conne&ed with him. Denier. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 201 Denier. Beverley, knowing me to be his friend, came to acquaint me with his diflrefs in the Alley. The natural confequences of that adventure are obvious : And all my India concerns, remittances, and money tranfa&ions coming through their houfe, it ftruck me with a panick ; but, by good luck, he was fcarce gone before I had notice of Mr. Golding's return by letters from India, brought by the fame fhip in which he came over. I did not lofe a moment. I dare fay he had not once entered his doors when the officers met him, and perhaps Beverley himfelf is not yet apprifed of his arrival. Am not I a man of difpatch, Mr. Capias? Capias. A Cxfar, a Machiavel, Sir ! You know all the turnings and windings and narrow back- llairs of the law too. You feel your own way j and are client, counfel, and attorney, all in one, Sir ! Denier. And have you the deed ready, Capias? Capias. Here it is, Sir, perufed, figned, and fettled, by old Steady, of Lincoln's Inn an excel- lent workman ! and if we can prevail on Mr. GolJing to execute it, you'll come in for an ex- clufive lien upon his effects, inftead of compound- ing with the other creditors under a commiinon of bankruptcy, which I fuppofe will be taken out in lefs than thefe three days. Denier. 2 THE MAN OF BUSINESS; Denier. Ay and under which they will not: pay five ihillings in the pound, perhaps fuch a tumble. !-^-fign the deed ? tell him he muft fign it His mind's unfettled yet, and he'll be eafily perfuaded Befides, he'll be glad to ferve a parti- cular friend It can't affet him, you know - the aflignees will divide the remainder.- I have been a conftant friend to the houfe he'll be glad to return the obligation, and I (hall fall upon my legs again. Capias. Let us lofe no time 5 the fooner h^ executes the better, Sir! Denier. Come along then ! I'll attend you to Mr. Snap's. I have not feen Mr. Golding fince his return, and we fhould vifit our friends in their affliction, you know. Come along, Mr. Capias ! [Exeunt. Scene changes to a room in Snap's houfe. Fable and Snap. Fable. Every thing much to my fatisfaction ; nothing here to complain of, I affure you, Mr. Snap. I never was more comfortably lodged in my life, never wifh for better attendance, or more convenient accommodation. Snap. We does all in our power to oblige com- pany, THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 203 pany, Sir. Nobody can do no more, you know Gold. Don't believe a word he fays ! Mrs. Gold. You won't let me hear what he fays. Denier. Poor gentleman ! his fears overcome him, but I'll put him out of his pain in an inftant. This THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 213 This letter, madam, arrived it feems by the fame (hips with Mr. Golding, and will inform you, madam, that this grave old gentleman has had a connection in India with another lady Mrs. Gold. My huuband ! Gold. \_Afide.~\ Oh, plague ! I'm betrayed, blown, and undone ! Denier. That this young lady is no other than his daughter Mrs. Gold. Lydia! Denier. That my correfpondent in India, who is his friend, configned her to my family, knowing our connection and acquaintance with your own and that Mr. Golding himfelf forwarded the late remittance in her favour, meaning to give a colour to an intention he had formed of marrying mifs Lydia to Beverley All thefe circumftances my correfpondent refers to, as things of courfe in his letter, thinking that Mr. Golding had no objection to my being acquainted with them. Read, read, madam ! [Gives the letter. Gold. \_Afide.~\ Dead and buried ! I wifli I was at Bengal now, or in the black-hole at Calcutta ! Fable. And fo this laft confidence, like every other, you have betrayed, Sir. Is this your vin- dication ? P 3 Denier. <2i4 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Denier. No ; but my revenge, Sir, extorted from me by great provocation Before you open an ac- count againfh me, fee that you are able to anfwer all my demands upon you. Take care of the main chance ! As to your action at. law, my friend Capias here knows I may defpife it. If the officer has made a falfe arreft, let the officer anfwer it. I have no concern but to take care of myfelf, you know ; fo come along, Mr. Capias ! Capias. I attend you, Sir. \_Ex.Denier and Capias. Bev. Fool that I have been ! falfe as my other friends appeared,! {till repofed an entire confidence in his fidelity. Fable. Sordid, execrable, narrow-minded rafcal! Aft's. Gold. Here's bafenefs and treachery ! \_After r eading the letter.'} Was ever any thing fo fcanda- ious ! Concealed children, intrigues in India, and Indies in a corner ! Bev. Well, but, Mrs. Golding Mrs. Gold. When he is at home with his family, he is as grave, and dry, and fober as a judge, for- footh ! and yet, when he gets abroad, he can be as gay, and as prodigal, as a young nobleman jufl come to his title and eftate. Fable. He may have been to blame, madam ; hut THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 215 Mrs. Gold. To blame, Mr. Fable ! what ! thefe were his India voyages then ! this was his bufinefs at Bengal ! thefe were his large remittances truly 1 fquandering his fortune, and what was my right, Mr. Fable, upon kept-madams, Eaftern princefies, black-a-moor harlots, and natural children ! Mrs. Carlt. Nay don't fay that, Mrs. Golding ! mifs Lydia was born in lawful wedlock, I aflure you, madam. Mrs. Gold. What ! has he got two wives then ? Mrs. Carlt. No dear me, madam ! mifs Lydia's mother was dead and buried before his marriage with you, madam. Bfv. My Lydia's uneafinefs is infupportable. Shock her no further, I befeech you, madam ! Mrs. Gold. Do you think I have been well treated, Sir ? Bev. The ftory is but new to me, madam ; but the main particular is Mr. Golding's firft marriage, which, I apprehend, has been kept fecret merely from the notion of its being difagreeable to your family. Mrs. Gold. And is this the cafe, Sir ? Gold. It is, indeed no further harm, I aflure you I mould have mentioned the affair, to be furc but P 4 Enter 2i<5 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. Enter Snap. Snap. Here's one mufter Check below axes for one mufter Fable. Fable. Oh, defire him to walk up, Sir". Now let your heart at reft about my conduct, friend. Trap. You muft make all matters clear then : For at prefent I don't half understand you. Fable. Here comes an interpreter. Enter Check. Well, Check, have you fettled the bufinefs ? Check. I have, Sir. Mr. Beverley's -differences are all paid. I have acquittances from the parties, and the whole account is clofed, Sir. Bev. Amazement ! Gold. What, is the money gone that way then ? None of it embezzled ! eh, Check ? Check. Embezzled? Heaven blefs your honour! he has made free to borrow the money left in his hands indeed : But then he has applied all that he could command of his own into the bargain. Embezzled indeed ! No, no, Mr. Fable cheats nobody but himfelf, Sir. Fable. Every particular, Mr. Golding, I am ready to explain. I fhall fay nothing in vindication or apology for my conduct. The motives on which I haye acled are obvious, Trap. THE MAN OF BUSINESS. 217 Trap. So they are fo they are, friend ! Give me your hand, old Fable ! give me your hand ! I fee you are an honeft fellow at laft, and I am not afhamed to acknowledge you. Gold. And I am much obliged to you ! I have enough and more than enough to (land the mock of our affairs, repay you with intereft, and eftablifh our credit ; for, thank Heaven, I have been em- ploying my time abroad better than my young partner has done at home. Mrs. Gold. Oh, you have been very finely em- ployed, to be fure ! Fable. Come, come, this mould be a day of ge- neral happinefs ; as an inftance of your univerfal good opinion of me, let me have influence enough to make peace between Mr. and Mrs. Golding ; and as an earned of their reconciliation, let them give their joint confent to unite Lydia and Beverley, and ratify their happinefs ! Bev. Mrs. Golding ! Sir ! Mrs. Gold. What fays her fine papa to it ? Gold. Why, if Lydia Mrs. Carlt. Heaven blefs her, {he dotes on him. Lydia. Yes, I will own, my dear father, that the change in Mr. Beverley has removed the only objection that I could ever make to him ; and I will 2i8 THE MAN OF BUSINESS. will not blufh to confefs that the future happinefs of my life depends on him. Fable. Then every thing is adjufted. I give you joy, my friends. Trap. And I give you joy too. You have puz- ied me confoundedly, I confefs I faid you were an honeft fellow I knew you were an honed fellow at bottom but it was a damned long way to the bottom for all that, old Fable. Fable. My conduct has been myfterious, I con- fefs, friend- perhaps, in fome degree, culpably fo but whenever I puzzled you, be affured I no Icfs embarrafled myfelf. The leaft deviation from the ftraight path is attended with difficulties ; and though I have always meant honeflly, and thought I a&ed uprightly, I have had ample reafon to ex- perience the convenience and neceflity, as well a$ the beauty, of Truth. E P I- EPILOGUE. Spoken by Mrs. B u L K L E r. WHEN plays are o'er, by Epilogue we're able, Thro* moral flrainers, to refine the fable j Again the field of comedy to glean From what the author did, or did not mean ; Or, in a gayer mood, on malice bent, Quite topfy-turvy turn the bard's intent. Shall we, ye criticks, to-night's play deride f Or (hall we, ladies, take the milder fide ? Suppofe for once we leave the beaten road, And try, by turns, the harfh and gentle mode j A kind of critick country-dance begin ; Right hand and left, crofs over, figure in ! The critick firft ftrikes off, condemns each fcene, The tale, the bard, and thus he vents his fpleen ; " While books lie open on each mouldy ftall, Bills plaifter polls, fongs paper ev'ry wall, At ev'ry corner hungry minds may feed, Wifdom cries out, and he that runs may read. On learned alms were playwrights ever fed, And fcraps of poetry their daily bread, Ev'n EPILOGUE. Ev'n Shakefpeare would unthread the novel's maze, Or build on penny hiftories his plays. From paltry ballads Rpwe extracted Shore, Which lay like metal buried in the ore. To jump at once to bards of later days, What are the riff-raff of our modern plays ? Their native dullnefs all in books intrench ; Mere fcavengers of Latin, Greek, and French, Sweep up the learned rubbifh, dirt, and duft, Or from old iron try to file the ruft. Give me the bard whofe fiery difpofition Quickens at once, and learns by intuition ; Lifts up his head to think, and, in a minute, Ideas make a hurly-burly in it ; Struggling for paffage, there ferment and bubble, And thence run over without further trouble ; 'Till out comes play or poem, as they feign Minerva iffued from her father's brain ! Be all original ! ftruck out at once j Who borrows, toils, or labours, is a dunce : Genius, alas ! is at the lovvefl ebb ; And none, like fpiders, fpin their own fine web. What wonder, if with fome fuccefs they ftrive With wax and honey-to enrich the hive, If all within their compafs they devour, And, like the bee, flenl fweets from ev'ry flow'r ? Old EPILOGUE. Old books, old plays, old thoughts, will never uo : Originals for me, and fomething new !" " New? (cries the lady) Prithee, man, have done I We know there's nothing new beneath the fun. . Weave, like the fpider, from your proper brains, And take at laft a cobweb for your pains ! What is invention ? 'Tis not thoughts innate j Each head at firft is but an empty pate. 'Tis but retailing from a wealthy hoard The thoughts which obfervation long has ftor'd, Combining images with lucky hit, Which fenfe and education firft admit ; Who, borrowing little from the common ftore, Mends what he takes, and from his own adds more, He is original ; or infpiration Never fill'd bard of this, or other nation, And Shakefpeare's art is merely imitation. For 'tis a truth long prov'd beyond all doubt, Where nothing's in, there's nothing can come out. Modes oft may change, and old give way to new. Or vary betwixt London and Peru ; Yet here, and every where, the general frame Of nature and of man is flill the fame : Huge ruffs and farthingales are out of fafhion ; But ftill the human heart's the feat of paflion : And he may boait his genius ftands the left, Who paints our paflions and our humours beft. Cenfure EPILOGUE. Cenfure not all 5 to praife let all afpire ; For emulation fans the poet's fire. Put not one grand extinguiftier on plays ; But with kind fnuffers gently mend their blaze. While other licenc'd lotteries prevail, Our bard, by ticklifh lott'ry, tempts a fale^ Prints the particulars of his Mufaeum, And boldly calls the publick in to fee 'em : Their calculation muft his fate reveal, Who ventures all in the dramatic wheel ! On account of the length of this Epilogue, many lines were omitted at the Theatre* MAN MAN AND WIFE; OR, THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. COMEDY. Quid PRELUDE. adventure, which, I have taken the liberty to fup- pofe, happened during that period. As to the Jubilee itfelf, or the defign and conduft of it, I cannot confider them as objects of fatire. Townly. No, Sir ? They have been roundly attacked : Lodgings without beds, dinners without victuals Dapp. I know what you mean, Sir. My friend Pafquin has infinite humour 3 but his pleafantries are exceedingly harmlefs, and I believe he wiihes they Should be fo. The fcandal of others is mere dirt throw a great deal, and fome of it will flick. But the fatire of Pafquin is like fuller's-earth it daubs your coat indeed for a time, but it foon grows dry ; and when it rubs off, your coat is fo much the cleaner. Thus it has happened on the prefent occafion for, after all, gentlemen, if a building .be erected for a particular purpofe, is not it natural to pull it down again, when that pur- pofe is anfwered ? A great number of people can- not be a-flembled without creating a croud a r.uny day will prevent the exhibition of a pageant and heavy mowers deflroy the effecT: of a firework. Townly. Ay, Sir ; but an ode without poetry Dapp. As to the ode it had one capital fault, J muft confefs. 0^3 Toivnl} PRELUDE. Tcivnly and Jenk. Well and what was it ? Dapp. Why, gentlemen, I underftood every word of it. Now, an ode, they fay: an ode - to be very good, mould be wholly unintelligible. Townly. Oh, your fervanf, Sir ! "Jenk. Well but you intend to give it us here, I fuppofe ? Dapp. No the ode can no where be heard to fo much advantage as from the mouth of the au- thor and indeed it was fp happily calculated for the time and place, for which it was originally in- tended, and the fpeaker fo truly felt a noble enthu- fiafm on the occafion, that you have loft a very ex- quifite pleafure (never to be retrieved) by not hearing it at Stratford-upon-Avon. Townly, Well, Sir but the pageant and the mafquerade-~ Dapp. Thofe you fhall fee, Sir and perhaps they may appear to more advantage, and be feen with more fatisfation, at the Theatres Royal, than they could have been at Stratford itfelf. Jenk. Well but, George tell us a little of your comedy. Dapp. Walk in, Sir, and it will fpeak for itfelf The curtain is juft going to draw up. Jenk. And how do you feel yourfelf ? Eh, George ? PRELUDE. Dapp. Much as ufual on fimilar occafions all hurry and flutter which ftrangers are apt to mif- take for high fpirits, and my friends and acquain- tance know to be nothing but apprehenfion. Townly. "We'll give you a hand. I know of a ftrong party againfl it, I can tell you, Sir. Dapp. I fear no party, unlefs my own dullnefs raifes one againft me.The publick will fuffer no party, no malice, to interrupt its amufcments. If I fuc- ceed, I (hall owe my fuccefs to their indulgence if I fail, I fhall owe it to myfelf. With thefe fentiments I enter the theatre. Come, gentlemen my trial is near coming on, for the play mufl be jufl going to begin. Townly. "We attend you, Sir. jenk. Well faid, little Dapperwit Have a good heart, my boy ! We'll keep it up, I warrant you ! \Exeunt. DRAMATIS PERSONS. CROSS, MARCOURT, KITCHEN, Colonel FRANKLT, Landlord, FLEECE, LUKE, BUCK, SNARL, Oftler, Men Paflengers, Mrs. CROSS, CHARLOTTE, SALLY, LETTICE, Landlady, Women Paflengers, Mr. Sbuter. Mr. Woodward* Mr. Dunftall. Mr. Perry. Mr. Morris. Mr. R. Smith. Mr. Lewes. Mr. Davis. Mr. Wignell, Mr. <=)uick. f Mr. Herbert^ \Mr.Fox. Mrs. Green. Mrs. Bulkley. Mrs. Mattocks. Mrs. Gardner, $Mifs Pearce. \Mrs. Copen. Waiters, &c. MAN MAN AND W I F E; .OR, THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. ACT I. JScENE, an Inn at Stratford upon Avon. Bells ringing People behind calling Waiter ! Waiter ! Oilier ! Houfe ! &c. Waiters anfwering, Coming ! Landlady calling. People crofs the Jlage different ways Then enter Landlord and Ojller. Landlord. I TELL you, Oftler, you muft find ftabling for the fet of horfes that came in laft. Ojller. I tell you, Sir, it is unpofl'ible : I could not put up the horfes if they would give me ten guineas a ftall for them. Landlord. Why can't you put fome of them in the corner ftable ? Oftler. 234 MAN AND WIFE; OR, OJller. I cant, Sir. Jack Pratt has taken it all for Whirligig, that's entered to run for the Jubalo cup, you know. Landlord. Well, well it does not fignify the gentlemen and ladies are particular acquaintances of the fteward and you mud find room for their horfes fomewhere. OJiler. I mufl turn fomebody's elfe's horfes to grafs then. [Exit. Bells ringing and people calling again Waiters anfwer ing ^ Coming I then enter Luke and three or four other waiters. Landlord. Here, waiters, anfwer the bells ! I am fo lame, I can fcarce hobble about, and I want to be in fifty places at once. Luke, you have the care of moft part of the houfe : Why don't you anfwer the bells ? ^Landlord hobbles out. Luke. Coming, Sir, coming ! Here, Ptichard, take this bottle of Madeira to the gentleman and lady in the As you like it Jack, carry a crown bowl of punch into the Meafure for Meafure Do you, Thomas, take a dozen more port wine, and pipes and tobacco, to the mufiek they drink like fifties they are in the Temped d'ye hear ? and, Wil- liam, do you make hafte with half-a-dozen of claret THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 235 jdaret to the gentlemen in the Merry Wives they have been calling and ringing this half-hour. Buck, [within.'] Waiter ! Luke. Coming, Sir, coming ! Enter Butk t tipfy. fuck. All fhall yield to the mulberry tree* Bend to the.e, Sweet mulberry! Matchlefs was he Who planted thee, And thou like him immortal fhalt be. Here, you waiter ! you fcoundrel, you, what's the meaning you don't bring the wine we call'd for ? We are obliged to fit up all night bccaufe there are no beds, and you won't fupply us with liquor to keep us in gqod humour. Luke. Beg your honour's pardon do all in our power to oblige wait on feven companies myfelf j and have feveu waiters under me, at three and fixpence a-day. Buck. How the fellow gabbles ! Have not I feen your face before, you Sir ? Luke. Ah your honour knows me well enough. I am Luke, Luke, your honour, from the St. Alban's. 2^5 MAN AND WIFE; OR, .Alban's. But in the fummer, bufineCs being dead in town all the quality gone, your honour knows I go too and wait at all publick places in the country I came over here from York races had half-a-dozen waiters under me there too A little before that, I was at the inftallation at Cambridge From hence I go to the Glouceiler mufic-meet- ing In October I fhall be at Newmarket And "by the meeting of parliament you'll find Luke, honeft Luke, your honour at the St. Alban's again. Buck, Chatter chatter chatter the fellow huddles his words one upon another and drives *e,m out of his mouth like the liquor out of a nar- row-necked bottle Get us the wine directly, you fcoundrel, you. Luke. Directly, Sir. [Bell rings.'] Coming, Sir, coming 1 [Exit. Enter Snarl, in a night-gown. Snarl " And the worft of all beds is a War r wickfhire bed." Buck ! what are you up too ? Buck. Up ! I have not been in bed ; there was none to be got. Snarl. I wiih you had had mine then I had rather fit up without reft, than lie in bed without it. I have been fwimming in a hammock, with s, little THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 237 little army walking over me and as to fleep, one might as well think of it in the Tower of Babel. Buck. Come along with me then, and we'll teach you how to defpife fleep. There is a fet of us have taken the room beyond the mufick, for the whole time of the Jubilee and it ferves us for dining- room, parlour, and bed-chamber. Ever ftnce dinner to-day faith, I believe I may fay yefterday, for it" is almoft day-light again we have been following the example fet us at the amphitheatre, and have been drinking bumpers to the immortal memory of Shakefpcare, to the fteward of the Jubilee, with a round of Shakefpeare toafts Here, old Snarl [ here's a Jubilee-favour ! fee here ! [flawing bis cockade. ,] So, come along with me, my boy, and I'll introduce you to the jollied company at Strat- ford upon Avon for All fhall yield to the mulberry tree, &c. [Exit fingingy with Snarl. Bar-bell ringing. Landlady (when the bell ceafes) calling, Why, Chambermaid ! John Ofller ! Boots ! Chamberlain ! Where are you all? Then enter Landlady^. followed by Colonel Frankly and Jive other Pajfingers in the Birmingham coach. Landlady. This way ! this way, if you pleafe, ladies and gentlemen! Why, Chambermaid I Richard ! 238 MAN AND WIFtf; OR, Richard ! Thomas ! Boots, I fay ! -{Enter Cham* lermald and two or three Waiters^} Here is the Birmingham coach has been overturned this morn- ing the gentry frightened out of their wits and nobody to (hew them a room, or get them any refrefhment D'ye chufe coffee or tea, fome hot wine and egg, a little warm punch, or a white negro, ladies and gentlemen ? \Jl Man Pajf. This is flying, as they fay flying to town in one day, as they call it. Hoifted into the coach at ten o'clock at night, and ftuck together as clofe as dried figs Here, in fpite of fatigue, we fall afleep before midnight, and foon after wake with a damned crafb, and find ourfelves canted into a flough, by way of a feather-bed Damn their flying, I fay a tight fhip with plenty of fea-room is worth forty on't. Worn. Pajf- I am fure it is a mame, fo it is, to ftuff the coach in the manner they do fix infide paffengers, two childen. in lap three upon the box four upon the top of the coach, and half a dozen in the bafket befides hardware parcels and haunches of venifon in the boot and the coach feats. Such a load ! no wonder the machine fhould break down or turn over. Another Worn. Paff. Mercy on me ! I am in fucl\ * pickle, I am afhamed to be feen and then I {hall THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 239 mall never recover my fright. Pray, ma'am, could you get me a little hartfhorn and water ? Landlady. D'ye hear, Chambermaid ? why don't you ftir ? Some hartihorn and water for the gen- tlewoman fly, I fay ! id Man Pajf. Get me fome mulled wine and a dry toaft, d'ye hear, you, Sir ? Zounds, how this houfe is altered ! It ufed to be one of the bed inns upon the road but now there's hardly getting any body to come near one no attendance no accom- modation ! Landlady. I hopes the gentry will excufe all faults at prefent We never were fo full in our days we're almoft hurried out of our lives every houfe in the town juft the fame all asbufy as bees about the Jubalo. id Man Paffl Jubalo ! I have heard of nothing but Jubilees, andShakefpeares,and mulberry-trees, for thefe three months. What the devil is this Jubilee ? Landlady. Lack-a-day> Sir, I can hardly tell you myfelf ; but it is one of the fined things that ever was feen There is the great little gentleman from London, and I don't know how many painters, and carpenters, and muficianers, and aftor-people, come down on purpofe Great doings, I promife you. i/? from. 240 MAN AND WIFE; OR, ijl Worn. Pa/". Is there to be any dancing, pray ? Landlady. Oh, yes abundance of dancing but Begun with going to church, and finging of <7- titms and o-ra-to-ries, I think they call them and^ then there is eating and drinking, and procefiion- ing, and mafquerading, and horfe-racing, and fire- works So gay and as merry as the day is long. i/l Man PaJJ*. And the night too, I warrant you, landlady. Landlady. Oh, ay ; a ball and entertainment, every night, your honour. ^During this fcene, coffee > tea y &c. banded roitnd to the paffengers. Enter Stage-Coachman. Coachman. The horfes are put to, gentlefolks. id Man Pajff*. By and by we are coming, mafter Whip! Coachman. Pleafe to make a little hafte, my ma- iler ! this accident has thrown us quite out of our bias, as I may fay we mall be two hours beyond our time before we get to Woodftock to-day The fly from London will wonder what is become on us. i/I Man Paffl No, no ; they'll think we have broke our necks, or they have broken their own necks, mayhap. Coachman. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 241 Coachman. Ah, heaven bkfs your honour ! you're a merry gentleman. ijt Man Pajf. How many knots d'ye go an hour, brother fcaman ? Coachman. We goes above feven miles an hour ~ near feven and a half up hill and down, my mafler. ijt Man Pajf. Well you muft let out a reef or two this morning, to make up for loft time but don't overfet the (hip again. But, come I am purfer to the fhip's company what's to pay, mother ? Landlady. Coffee tea wine and bread and butter five and four-pence, Sir. \Jl Man Pajf. There there's fix (hillings. Good b'wye, mother- I vvifh you a merry Jubalo ! [Exit Coachman, with PaJJengers. Landlady. Kindly welcome, Sir! welcome, ladies! kindly welcome! [B til rings. ~\ Richard! anfwer to the Magpye ! [Another bell rings."] Thomas ! run up to the Moon ! Chamberlain ! [Exit bawling. [Coknel Frankly left fitting at table Re-enttr Coachman. Coachman. The paffengers are all in, my matter! Frankly. A good journey to them ! I mall go VOL. IF. R no 242 MAN AND WIFE; OR, no further with them. Here's for yourfelf, honefty ! Coachman. Thank you kindly heaven blefs you, matter ! {Exit. Colonel Frankly alone. So ! Spite of accidents,! have reached the fcene of action, however. Charlotte, I reckon, arrived yefterday. Her father and mother both endea- vouring to counteract each other, and me to baffle both. If our plan of operations does but fucceed, I {hall honour the name of Shakefpeare more titan ever for to us this celebrity will prove moft truly a Jubike.- But who comes here ? As I live, that puppy Marcourt. The enemy, I fee, is in motion but the coxcomb little thinks I am his rival and, what is whimfical enough, always chufes to make me his confidant tho' I fuppofe he tells me no more than he tells every body elfe* Ef.tcr Marcourt. Marc. LaFleur ! take the baggage off the chaife, and come to me immediately. My dear Frankly ! who would have thought of finding you here ? What brought you to Stratford upon Avon ? Frankly. The Birmingham (lage-coach. Marc. Oh, ridiculous! And what could cram you into a ftage-coach ? Frankly. THE SnAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 243 Frankly. An accident and another accident had like to have thrown me out of it again. I have been on a recruiting party in Staftbrdfliire. Lofing a wheel of my poft-chaife, about fix miles off, I was glad to get into the ftage, which I had fcarce well done when it was overturned. My fellow-travellers are but juft fet forward for London. Marc. Yes I met the plebeians juft as I drove into the yard. I have been on the road all night myfelf, egad. I rattled through Oxford at mid- night, loud enough to roufe all the fleepy fellows of colleges and am juft arrived here, where, I find, nobody cart get a bed to fleep in. Frankly. And what hurried you fo? Marc. Why, you muft know I mould have been here laft night, at furtheft but having promifed to dine at the Macaroni yefterday with Rochefter, Brumpton, and Evergreen Frankly. The noblemen of thofe titles, d'ye mean ? Marc. Yes, to be fure but you never mention titles titles of people you live with. *Tis not the ton. When you fay plain Townly, Lovelace, Ogleby, and fo forth, people who live in the world mean the Duke, Marquis, or Lord of the name j R 2 but 244 MAN AND WIFE? OR, but when we fay Jack Wilfon, George Belford, Ned Thompfon and fo on we mean a commoner. We fpeak of peers as peers fubfcribethemfelves in writingno chriftian name and nothing of the title except the place from which it is taken. Frankly. I beg your pardon. Proceed. Marc. Why then, being engaged to dine with them, I fay, I did not fet out from Pall-Mali till between eight and nine o'clock. I loft fix hun- dred before the chaife came to the door. Frankly. Deep play ! Marc. Pho ! nothing at all. Lovelace loft four and thirty hundred to Jack Airy of the guards, at the fame fitting. We ufed to fet ten or twenty, perhaps, fometime ago but now, they never make up a rouleau of lefs than fifty guineas. La Fleur ! [calling~] Where is this fellow ? I muft get off my boots. Frankly. Did you ride any part of the way ? Marc. What, in the dark, and on the road ? - Oh, no ! Indeed I hardly ever ride now, but in the fpring, through the three parks ; or to pay vifits. Frankly. Vifits on horfeback ? Marc. Why not ? We all vifit on horfeback fincc the new pavement and I'm very often out the whole morning without going off the flones. Take THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 245 Take horfe at Hall's flables, a fliort bait at Arthur's a flice of pine-apple, and half-a-dozen of fcandal and politicks at Betty's and fo make the tour of the parifh of St. James's, through the fquare, Pali- Mall, Piccadilly and Hall's ilables again. But, LaFleur ! Where the deuce is this fellow? I iha'n't have my hair drefs'd thefe three hours. Frankly. Not thefe fix hours, if one may judge by the quantity. Is not fo much hair behind trou- blefome ? Marc. Not at all So far from it, that above half of it is falfe for in an undrefs, unlefs you have a club as thick as both your doubled-fifts, you are not fit to be feen but with that, a little French hat cut to the quick, that leaves your face as broad as Harry the Eighth's, an ell of fhirt-fleeves hang- ing over a fliort half-inch pair of ruffles, a coat powdered half way down your back, a tambour waiftcoat, white linen breeches, and a taper fwitch in your hand, your figure, Frankly, mud be irre- fiftible. Frankly. Your figure you mean, Marcourt. But what could prevail on you to exhibit it at Strat- ford ? Do you intend to make one in the pageant, and {hew yourfelf as one of the characters of Shakefpeare ? E. 3 Marc. 2 4 S MAN AND WIFE; OR, Marc. No, faith ; fuch an original did not exift in his days ; and the writers of our time have left off drawing other peoples' characters for the fake of expofing their own. Frankly. Well but your bufinefs here, Mar- court ? Marc. Bufinefs of confequence, I can tell you, Frankly. One muft have a wife, you know, if it is only for the pleafure of getting rid of her. Frankly. Oh, I conceive you ! A matrimonial affair. Marc. Yes the old affair with Charlotte. "We have now brought matters to a crifis. Old Crofs and his wife the father and mother, you know are always quarreling ; no wonder, therefore, they fquabble about the choice of a hufband for their daughter. The mother, who is a kind of a coufm of mine, and is defirousof bringing the girl into the world, has pitched upon me. Frankly. A wife lady ! Marc. Yes but the tramontane father Frankly. Has chofen fome other man, I warrant you. Marc. He has but who now, of all mankind, d'ye think is, in his idea, a proper hufband for his daughter ? That horrid fellow Kitchen. Frankh. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 247 Frankly. Kitchen ! what, the famous bon vivant? Mart, The fame a fellow that has not an idea beyond a haunch of venifon. Kitchen and old Crofs are of a club \ and when Mrs. Crofs and he have been wrangling, Kitchen, who is reckoned a joker at the club, puts him into humour again. Frankly. But he has fome real pleafantry, they fay. Marc. Not he dull, dull as colonel Grin, who has got Joe Miller by heart, and is always teazing you with a flory. No fplajh in the world His conversion is all table-talk, jnade up of eating and drinking. He is a mere walking larder. His mind is a great pantry, from which he is always ferving up fome choice difhes for the entertainment of his friends and acquaintance. Frankly. But has not he been able to render himfelf a formidable rival ? Marc. Formidable ! ridiculous no, no the father is his friend indeed, but the mother knows reafon and then the girl is fo fond poor thing ! (he doats on me to diftraclion pretends to join in old Crofs's defigns in favour of Kitchen, but holds a privy council with the mother and me, and turns every motion to my advantage. Now, this it is, Frankly, that brings me port to Stratford. The R 4 father, 248 MAN AND WIFE; OR, father, you muft know but mum ! here comes Kitchen himfelf I knew we fhould meet but I am prepared for him. I fhall fnap the delicious morfel out of his mouth, I promife him. Enter Kitchen and Landlord. Kitchen. What! the gout? hands and feet, honeft Landlord ? Your wine is not found, I am afraid. Landlord. As any in England, Sir. Kitchen. Well let me have fome refrefhment then I have met with nothing good upon the road, fince the rolls and trout at Uxbridge. Every where elfe, plague take them, they gave me no- thing but cow beef, ram mutton, red veal, ftale eggs, and white bacon. Landlord. You will find the beft of every thing here, Sir. We never hear any complaints and at prcfent we have made large provifions on ac- count of the Jubilee. Kitchen. So you had need, Landlord ; for you feem to have -an army to eat them up. Marc. Prithee, Landlord, what is this Jubilee ? Mr. Kitchen, your humble fervant. Kitchen. Your fervant, Sir. \Diftant civility on both fide 'S conceitedly on the part of Marcourt^ and rough on that of Kittken. Landlord^. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 249 Landlord. The Jubilee, Sir, is on account of our famous townfman, Shakefpeare the great play- writer, that wrote King Lear and his three daugh* ters, and Othello Moor of Venice. They fay he loved venifon and, Heaven blefs him ! he has fet many a haunch going in our houfe the town is brim-full of company. Marc. If it is a Jubilee, it mufl be nonfcnfical. I was at the Jubilee at Rome fome years ago. Landlord. Oh, this is quite another thing, I be- lieve, Sir. There is no popery in our Jubilee, though it began with going to church, they fay. Kitchen. I never knew any of our travelled fine gentlemen that did not draw comparifons between things totally oppofite. Between antient Rome and this country, there might be fome refemblance ; but modern Italy is no more to be compared to Old England, than a firloin of beef to a fpoonfuj of macaroni. Marc. How mould a man talk of things abroad, who has paft his whole life at home ? You will allow us, Mr. Kitchen, to be more competent j udges, who have travelled, and fkimmed the cream of Europe. Kitchen. I can travel to more advantage than moft of you, without ftirring out of my elbow- chair. I can digeft what I read, and chs\v the cud 250 MAN AND WIFE; OR, cud of reflation upon it. As for you fine gentle- men, you^kim the cream of Europe, as you fay, and bring home nothing but froth, and whipt- fillabub. Marc. Well faid, John Bull ! You like Shake- fpeare now, I warrant you ? Kitchen. Like him ? I adore him ! No man of fenfe, and true tafte can do otherwife. _ Marc. Ay, I thought fo. You prefer his pun$ ad quibbles to the wit and humour of Moliere, I fuppofe. Kitchen, No, Sir. Bigotry is not the growth of this country, in literature any more than religni. Puns and quibbles were the vicious tafte of the times ; and if they made their way into the pulpk, no wonder that they were to be met with on the ftage. I hate a forced chafe of puns and little conceits, as much as you can do. Sheer wit is like flieer wine but a pun or a quibble rot it a pun is nothing but gingling the glafies. Marc. Oh ! they are not the only faults of his barbarous farces as uncouth a medley to prefent to this age as a pageant or a puppet-mow. No foreigner can endure him. Kitchen. They can't tafte him, becaufe they don't underftand him. Marc. They can underftand him well enough to THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 251 to be (hocked at his abfurdities. A bal^ in the firft a& become a grown perfon in the laft,-^lays made out of halfpenny ballads ghofts and grave-diggers, witches and hobgoblins ! Brutus and Caffius con- verfing like a couple of Engliih common-council- men Hamlet killing a rat and Othello raving about an old pocket-handkerchief. There's your Shakefpeare for you ! Kitchen. Now I {hould have been fure you had travelled, if I had not known it before. This is a mere hafh of foreign criticifm, as falfe as fuper- ficial, and made up of envy and ignorance. Shake- fpeare, Mr. Marcourt Shakefpeare is the turtle of literature. The lean of him may perhaps be worfe than the lean of any other meat; but there i a deal of green fat, which is the mod delicious /luff in the world. 'Frankly. Indeed, Marcourt, I think the gentle- man is too hard for you. Kitchen. A crufl for the criticks ! that's all. Marc. Never mind it. I fhall be too hard for him prefently. Kitchen. I underftand you but I don't believe it. Charlotte has no tafte for foreign cookery. Marc. Then fhe has lefs tafte than I imagine The family arc now at Stratford. Where do they Jodge, Landlord? Landlord. 252 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Landlord. Whom does your honour mean ? Marc. Mr. Crofs and his family. Landlord. They have taken a whole houfe near the new hall, Sir. Marc. I'll tell you what, Mr. Kitchen I'll give you a hundred pounds to receive a thoufand on my marriage with Charlotte. Kitchen. With all my heart ; and I'll lay you a hogfhead of claret you never marry her at all. Marc. Done. Kitchen. And done again. And if you have a mind for any other bet, this gentleman mall hold the (lakes. Frankly. Have a care I don't run away with them ! Kitchen. Never fear ! Marc. Come then !-^firft to drefs, and then for the Signora ! Kitchen, And I fay, firft for a little refrefhment. Ceres and Bacchus are the warmeft friends of Venus. I never found that love took away my ftomach. \_Exeuntfeverally. ACT THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 253 ACT II. SCENE, an apartment in Crofts houfe Mr. and Mrs. Crofs at breakfajl. They fit filent fame time. Crofs. WELL ! am I to have another difh of tea or no, Mrs. Crofs ? Mrs. Crofs. Lord, Mr. Crofs ! I wonder you did not find fault that I had not poured out the fecond difh before you drank the firft ! Crtfs. Pfhaw ! \tbrowingajliceofbreadandbutter en the plate. Mrs. Crofs. What's the matter now, Mr. Crofs? Crofs. Matter ! the bread's bad the butter's rank and the tea as coarfe as chopt hay. It's a ftrange thing one can never have a comfortable breakfaft ! Mrs. Crofs. There is no fuch thing as comfort, wherever you are. The bread is as good bread as ever was tailed the butter's as fweet as a violet and the tea is the bed fixteen-fliilling green in the world ; but in town it's juft the fame thing you do nothing but find fault there too though I have 254 MAN AND WIFE; OR, I have my fugar from Fenchurch-ftreet my tea. from the Grafshopper and the beft Epping-butter from the corner of. Savile-row. Crofs. Ay ; you have your particular place for every thing Not becaufe it's better, but becaufe it's the fafhion. You would fooner give a crown a yard more for a filk than buy it any where but on Ludgate-Hill But I am never in the right in any thing I dare fay now you will infift upon it, that this room is not damp though I can fwear it was not dry when I came down this morning I {hall catch my death of cold, I fuppofe. Mrs. Crofs. Lord ! you're fo delicate You may think yourfelf very well off to have a good houfe over your head, when fo many people are glad to lie in a hayloft, and to lodge their fervants in lan- daus and pofUchaifes. Crofs. Well, it's no matter I dcferve it what the plague had I to do at Stratford ? Such a ridi- culous journey ! I wonder how I could be fuch a blockhead as to give into it And as for yourfelf too, you care no more for Shakefpeare, than I for the pope of Rome. Mrs. Crofs. And what does that fjgnify, as to going to the Jubilee ? Are not all the people of con- dition round the country to be here ? Shakefpeare .is THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 255 is nothing to the purpofc ; I would not fee the fined play the man ever wrote but in a fide-box And one only goes into the fide-box, becaufe it's going into the bed company. Crofs. Yes, that's reafon enough for you to do any thing Becaufe a countefs, who has a range of rooms as long as Pali-Mall, gets the whole town together at her route You muft have a route too, and fqueeze all your acquaintance into two clofets and a cupboard Nay, laft winter, when the town ran mafquerade-mad, you got a ridicu- lous party of about eighteen or twenty fops and flirts, to make fools of themfelves, and called it a mafquerade. Mrs. Crofs. I am fure every body admired the (tile of the illumination and then neither Negri norRobinfon everfet out a more elegant fide-board Lady Frankair called it Mrs. Comelys' in minia- ture But you have no notion of any thing that's genteel You are not fit to live among the world. Crofs. The world ! zounds, madam, does your map of the world comprehend only two parifhes ? The inhabitants of which laugh at all the reft for aping them ! Don't you fee that this nar- row circle that you call the world, dcfpife all you that are out of it, and want to force your way into at 256 MAN AND WIFE; OR, it ? Are not they perpetually running away from you ? And are not they carrying London to Hamp- flead and Highgate, on purpofe to get rid of you ? Mrs. Crofs. This is all mere fcandal and malice It is very well known that I fee none .but the firft people And if you had not affronted Sir Peter Levee, he would have engaged to make Charlotte a. maid of honour. Crofs. And I'll make her what moil maids of honour would wifh to be The wife of a man of good fenfe, with a handfome fortune. Mrs. Crofs. Not of Mr. Kitchen, I hope. Crofs. And why not Mr. Kitchen, madam ? Mrs. Crofs. He had better marry his cook-maid a wretch ! He never mixes with a perfon of fafhion, except by chance at Bath, where he goes to recover his digeftion after having over-eat himfelf. Crofs. And that flimfy piece of quality-binding, Marcourt, is always running after a title, like a child after a butterfly He is a mere lord-hunter, and lofes all the little fenfe and money he has in the purfuit. Mrs. Crofs. Nobody defpifesgood company, but thofe that have not accomplishments to qualify themfelves to get into it. Mr. Marcourt fees every- body THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 257 body fubfcribes to Almack's, and (the firft vacant borough) my lord Neverout will bring him into parliament. Crofs. With all my heaft ; fo as the puppy does not put himfelf up as a candidate for my daughter. Mrs. Crcfs. I am fure, if ever me has any thing to fay to that Mr. Kitchen, (he deferves to be con- fined for a mad woman. Crofs. There are a great many mad women, that are not confined at all. Mrs. Crofs. And there is fuch a thing as a me- lancholy mad man, who is of all others, the moft miferable in himfelf, and the moft mocking to other people. Crofs. Don't provoke me, Mrs. Crofs ! don't provoke me ! You know I can't bear it. Mrs. Crofs. What's the matter with the man ? Have I faid a fingle thing to give you the leaft provocation ? I won't fpeak another word. [They fit filent a lit tit while. Crofs. A pUppy ! [muttering. Mrs. Crofs. Ti turn dum ! [bumming. Crofs. A coxcombical fellow that [muttering. Mrs. Crofs. Li turn ti [humming. Crofs. A provoking woman ! Mrs. Crofs. Turn ti turn tee [humming. Crofs. Zounds ! there's no bearing this ufage VOL. II. S I hav<- 258 MAN AND WIFE; OR, I have a good mind to order the chaife, and fet out for London immediately. Mrs. Crofs. Lord, Mr. Crofs, why do you put yourfelf fo ir. ach out of temper ? am not I as quiet as a lamb ? Crofs. You know you know, Mrs. Crofs, that this cool infolence is ten times more provoking than paffion But I'll fay no more to you I am a fool to mind your nonfenfe. [takes a paper and reads. Mrs. Crofs. [after a little while.] Will you have any more tea, Mr. Crofs ? Crofs. No. {without looking off the paper. Mrs. Crofs. Shall I fend away the things ? Crofs. Pfhaw ! [turns round in his chair. Mrs. Crofs. John ! [Servant enters."] take away the tea-things ! Crofs. Let them alone ! Mrs. Crofs. Why, have not you done breakfafl, Mr. Crofs? Crofs. No. Servant. Mr. Kitchen, Sir, is juft come to wait on you. Mrs. Crofs. Pho ! Crofs. Mr. Kitchen ! Shew him up immediately! [Exit Servant Mrs. Crofs following."] Stay, madam! I infift upon your not leaving the room. Mrs. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 259 Mrs. Crofs. What (hould I (lay for ? I have nothing to fay to him. Crofs. I don't care I won't have him affronted. [Mrs. Crofs throws herfelf into a chair. Enter Kitchen. Crofs. My dear friend ! Kitchen. Sir, I am heartily glad to fee you Madam, your moft humble fervant ! [to Mrs. Crofs. Mrs. Crofs. Your fervant, Sir. [Pouting. Crofs. Well but where's your fervant and your portmanteau ? Kitchen. At the White Lion. Crofs. Oh, you muft: order them here you muft be with us during the Jubilee ; we have a very good room for you. Re-enter Servant. Servant. Mr. Marcourt, madam, is come to wait on you. Mrs. Crofs. Oh, I am glad of it fhew him into my drefling-room ; I'll wait on him there- Mr. Kitchen, your humble fervant. [Exit ba/li/y. Kitchen. Your fervant, madam. Crofs. .Harkye, John ! S 2 Servant. 260 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Servant. [Returning.'] Sir ! Crofs. Tell my daughter Charlotte to come here. Servant. Yes, Sir. [Exit. Kitchen. Well, Sir, I have obeyed your orders, you fee. I have crofled the country from the Weft of England, on purpofe to attend you. Colonel Cramwell, Lord Pepper, and two or three more of us, have been on a coafting party. It has been a delightful fummer ; and I think I never knew the whitings, turbots, brills, red mullets, and John Dories, in higher perfection. Crofs. I am moil heartily glad to fee you, Mr. Kitchen ; and this meeting will, I think, be deci- five. Our fchemesr are now ripe for execution. I have humoured my wife in this ridiculous jour- ney, merely becaufe it gave me a better opportunity of thwarting her in the grand point of Charlotte's marriage. This houfe, you muft know, has been taken in our name for this month, under the pre- tence of attending this Jubilee but really in order to make the family parifhioners by which means the banns have been afked, as the law requires, between you and Charlotte and the minifter is prepared to perform the ceremony this very morn- ing. Kitchen. But is Mifs Charlotte prepared for it ? Croji . THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 261 Crofs. Perfectly Charlotte is a fhrewd clever girl j and tho' fhe carries it fair with her mother, will do every thing that I bid her, and is wholly in your intereft. Oh, here me is ! Enter Char Lite. Come hither, Charlotte ! I have once more the pleafure of prefenting Mr. Kitchen to you, and by and by I hope you will receive him as my fon-m- law. Charl. Don't you think, Sir, I have a hard tafk of it between you and my mama ? Your commands are as oppofite as North and South, and yet you both expect to be obeyed. Crofs. Never tell me I am matter of the family it is her duty to honour and obey; and I am refolved to be abfolute. CharL Ah, my dear papa ! your infilling fo eternally upon your right, is the very thing that renders it fo difficult to maintain it. All women love power ; and the bed way of fecuring their obedience, is to tell them that they govern you. Crofs, Did not I fay, fhe was a fhrewd girl, Mr. Kitchen ? Kitchen. The young lady is perfectly in the right. A wife is like a trout ; (lie mufl be tickled, Mr. Crofs. S 3 Craft. 2<52 MAN AND W I F E ; OR, Crofs. Well but have you prepared matters ? How do you propofe to manage it ? Charl. Juft as I have managed every thing elfe : while my mama fuppofes I approve of her choice, {he has no fufpicion of my favouring your own but what d'ye think me would fay, if I was to tell her that Mr. Marcourt was my averfion ? I have never dropt a fingle word to her in behalf of Mr, Kitchen. Crofs. "Well, well that may be right enough, perhaps. But no wonder that Marcourt's your averfion. He's one of the moft empty, feather- headed coxcombs in town. Kitchen. An infipid fellow, madam ! neither pepper nor fait in him. Crofs. True. My daughter has not the leaft relifh for him. But, Charlotte ! won't it be diffi- cult to carry on this affair in the midft of fo much company ? Charl. Oh no ! the more the merrier, Sir. Kitchen. But the fewer the better chear, madam. Charl. Not in this inftance, Sir. This Jubilee is a fortunate circumftance. One is never fo pri- vate as in a croud, you know. Kitchen. Why, that's true. Intrigues carried on in the face of the world are always leaft liable to detection THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 263 dete&ion and now-a-days moft people feem to a& upon that principle. Chart. A truce with your fatire, Sir ; for we are not to act barefaced, I aflure you : and the Jubilee concluding with a mafquerade affords us an admi- rable opportunity Do you Lord, I'm a mad girl I was going to make an afllgnation with you before my father's face. Crofs. Do ! do I infift on it. Charl. Why then, I fliall flip on my drcfs, which is a blue Turkifli habit, directly after dinner, and in that I mall expect you about feven o'clock. Kitchen. I am a Turk, if I do not attend you. Charl. Take care I don't find you a bafhaw. Kitchen. A downright Englim hufband, I pro- mife you. No water-drinking religion for me, madam , I fhall break the laws of Mahomet this very evening, and toaft your health in a bumper of the moft generous wine to be found in the town of Stratford. Crofs. Temperance! temperance 'till after to- morrow, I befeech you, Mr. Kitchen ! After that, you may drink up the Avon. Kitchen. I would not give a guinea a ton for it Shakefpeare upon the banks, and the perch out of the ftream, are all I want of it. S 4 Crofs. 264 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Crofs. But come we muft bid Charlotte good- morrow I'll attend you to the inn, and order your fervant and baggage up hither. Charl. What will mama fay to that ? Crofs. I don't care what (he fays ; I will have it fo. Charl. How ! relapfing already, papa ? Mama muft not be made uneafy, for many reafons fo don't be angry or jealous if I take very little notice of you to-day, Mr. Kitchen. Kitchen. No ! but, to-morrow morning ay, and to-morrow evening Oh, that the dodlor had but faid grace ! The very thought creates an appetite. [Exeunt Crofs and Kitchen. Charlotte alone. Charl. I don't know a young lady with more bufinefs upon her hands than myfelf. My father and his friend to treat with on one hand, my mother and her dainty quater-coufm to negotiate with on the other and all the while, like a true minifter, to attend to nothing but my own feparate intereft ! It puts me in mind of fome of the road- pofts I faw upon our journey, pointing three ways at once. Lett. {Peeping /'.] Is the coaft clear ? Charl THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 265 CbarL I am all alone. What's the matter, Lettice ? Lett. Only a letter from Colonel Frankly. Charl. He is arrived, I hope. Lett. Safe arrived, madam. He is at the White Lion. Charl. But where is the letter ! Lett. Blefs me ! I have not loft it fure oh,, no ! here it is, ma'am ! [gives the letter , which Charlotte reads while Lettice is talking^ Ah, you may take your leave of love-letters now. Marriage makes a wonderful alteration in ftile and fentiment. The letters of married people are like your papa's and mama's converfation. Charl. Well I hope nobody faw it delivered to you ? Lett. Nobody but your fifter Sally. Ah, fhe' a fly little urchin ! tho* me is but a few years younger than you, me has cut all her eye-teeth, I affure you, madam. She afked me, if that was not colonel Frankly's livery and then fhe looked as cunning and roguifh fhe knows what's what, I promife you, madam. Here the little romp comes. Enter 266 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Enter Sally, running. Sally. Oh fifter, fifter ! I am come to give you joy, fifter. Cbarl. Joy ! of what, my dear? Sally. Colonel Frankly is arrived, fifter! Charl. Well ! and what's that to me ? why flioukl you wifh me joy upon that account ? Sally. Oh, I know why well enough I am no more a fool than my elder fifter. Cbarl. What does the child mean ? Sally. Child indeed ! you were no fimpleton at my age, I warrant you, fifter. Charl. And what then ? Sally. Come, come ! I fee you are afraid of me but you need not, I promife you and I mall have ten times more pleafure in helping you out, than I could poffibly have in telling papa and mama. Lett. Ah ! you're a rare one ! you'll make a fine young lady one of thefe days, I warrant you. Sally, You truft Lettice here, I know well enough ; and you had better truft me too, I can tell you, fifter. Nay, fuppofing I could do you no good, it is jn my power to do you a great deal of mifchief. Charl. What ! do you threaten me, then ? Sally. No, indeed and indeed, I don't, fifter. If I kne\y THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 267 I knew all your fecrets, I would not hurt you for the world. Lett. And will you be a good little girl now- and tell nobody and do every thing we bid you ? Sally. That I will Tell me all, and if I tell papa or mama, or any body elfe, I wifh I may die, fifter ! Lett. E'en tell her, ma'am ! She loves a little roguery to her heart and then fhe is fuch an arch little foul, I think fhe may be of ufe I have cut out fome bufinefs for her already. Sally. I am glad of it For goodnefs-fake, let me know it I'll play my part as well as any of you. Lett. Ay, I'll be bound for you. Salfy.Well Colonel Frankly is a charming man, to be fure and as my elder fifter has a colonel, 1 think I have a right to a captain. Charl. Hufh, my dear; you will be overheard by the family. Sally. No, I fha'n't Papa is juft gone out with Mr. Kitchen, and mama is in her drefiing-room with Mr. Marcourt. She defircs to fee you there as foon as the proceffion is over. Charl. I know her bufinefs, and can fcarce bear the thoughts of it. How difagreeable it is to live in a ftate of perpetual diifimulation with both my parents ! 268 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Lett. Never mind it, ma'am ! never mind it ! It is entirely their own faults. They have each of them encouraged and advifed you to praclife deceit ; and neither of them can blame you for fol- lowing their inftru&ions. Charl. Ah, Lettice, it is a poor apology for our faults, to excufe them by thofe of other people. Lett. Their conduct is aa excufe for every thing. They advife you to diiTlinble to bring thjeir fchemes to bear and you take their advice in order to compafs you own. Sally. But come, Lettice Why don't you tell me what I am to do ? I Jong to be bufy. Lett. We may be interrupted here. Come into your fitter's room You muft tell a little fib or two. Sally. Oh, let me alone ! I {hall not "be at a lofs for that, I warrant you. Lord, how grave you look, fifter ! Cbarl. My dear, don't you think I have fome reafon ? Sally. Reafon ! no indeed Are not you going to be married ? Well, you eldeft daughters have a fine time of it, to take place of your younger lifters in every thing but no matter I mall grow older and older every day, you know. Charl. Go, you little madcap ! Sally. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 269 Sally. I (hall dance at your wedding, I promifc you. Lett. Hold your tongue, you little devil you ! Sally. [.Singing.-] "Well, well, fay no more ! Sure you told me before, I prithee, go talk to your parrot, your parrot ; I'm not fuch an elf, Tho' I fay it myfelf, But I know a fheep's head from a carrot, a carrot! [Exeunt. SCENB, C 270 3 SCENE, ajlreet in Stratford ; on one fide , the houfe wherein Shakefpeare was born. The PAGEANT, Exhibiting the characters of Shaksfpeare. Martial MuficJt. ROMAN CHARACTERS. Soldiers two by two. Fafces. Trophies S. P. QJR. &c CORIOLANUS. Roman Ladies difhevelled. JULIUS CAESAR. The Roman Eagle. Brutus and Caflius*^ bearing daggers. Soft Mufuk. ANTONY and CLEOPATRA. Charmion and Iras. Grand SHAKESPEARE PROCESSION. 271 Grand Mufick. OLD ENGLISH CHARACTERS. KING JOHN. Conftance, Prince Arthur, and Hubert. -RICHARD the THIRD. Edward the Sixth and duke of York. HARRY the EIGHTH. Cardinal Wolfey. Coronation Anthem. Anne Sullen under coronation canopy. Attendants. Magical Mufick, " Above, about, and underneath" P R O S P E R O. Miranda and Ferdinand. Drunken Sailors. Trinculo and Caliban. Ariel. Daemons and other Spirits. Macbeth'* Mufick. HECATE. Witches two by two. The two Baby Spirits. One with a crown, the other with a bough. Fairy *72 SHAKESPEARE PROCESSION. Fairy MuficL OBERONand TITANIA in a nutfhell. Other Fairies. Solemn Mufick. The T R A G I CK M U S E. OTHELLO and DESDEMONA. GHOST in HAMLET. Hamlet, following the Ghoft, with his fword drawn. Ophelia in her madnefs. LEAR and CORDELIA. J A C H I M O. POSTHUMUS and IMOGEN. Bellarius between the two brothers. MACBETH, with daggers bloody. Banquo's Ghoft. Lady Macbeth, with the candle. FRIAR LAWRENCE. Dead march in Saul. Juliet's bier. Attendants. Allegrc. SHAKESPEARE PROCESSION. 273 Allegro. The COMICK MUSE. Shallow and Silence. Slender and Dr. Caius. Ford, Sir Hugh Evans, and Page. Mrs. Quickly and Piftol. Bardolph and Nym. Mrs. Ford, Falftaff, and Mrs. Page. TOUCHSTONE and LANCELOT. MALVOLIO, crofs-gartered. dndante. FLORIZEL and PERDITA. Autolicus. ANTONIO and BASSANIO. Portia and Nerifla (as Lawyers). Shylock with knife, fcales, and bond. VOL. II. T Flourijh. 274 SHAKESPEARE PROCESSION. Flourljh. DRAMATICK TROPHIES. PEGASUS. APOLLO. The Car (drawn by the Mufes) containing the Buft of SHAKESPEARE, crowned by TIME and FAME, And attended by the THR EE GRACES. Cupids, Satyrs, Bacchanals, &c. A I R. By Mrs. MATTOCKS. I. Sweeteft Bard that ever fung, Nature's glory, Fancy's child ; Never fure did witching tongue, Warble forth fuch wood-notes wild I II. Come each Mufe, and filler Grace, Loves and Pleafures, hither come ; Well you know this happy place : Avon's banks were once your home. III. Bring the laurel, bring the flow'rs, Songs of triumph to him raife ! He united all your pow'rs, All uniting, fing his praife ! Ode on Dtdicating a Building to Shakefpeare* ACT MAN AND WIFE, &c. 275 A C T III. Charlotte and Sally meeting Lettict. Charlotte in a pink domino Lettice in a blue Turkijh habit. w Lettice. ELL! have you been with your mama and Mr. Marcourt, madam ? Charl. I have. Lett. And what have you done ? Charl. Told them every thing that pad between me and my papa. Lett. Indeed ! Charl. To be fure. I have done fo all along, you know ; and this has infpired fo much confi- dence on each fide, that neither one nor the other entertain the leaft fufpicion of my deceiving them both. Lett. But how have you fettled matters, madam? Charl. I think, very cleverly. Mr. Marcourt has fuggefted to my mama, that that there is no- thing fo much like a perfon of faftiion, as to receive T i mafki 276 MAN AND WIFE; OR, mafks at your own houfe before going to the pub- lick mafquerade : So our doors are to be thrown open to all Stratford. You are (as we fettled at firft) to amufe Mr. Kitchen in that habit ; and I am, as my mama fuppofes, to go off with Mr. Marcourt in this. Lett. But your mama will find herfelf fadly de- ceived. Sally. Yes ; I am to manage that, Lettice. My fifter has given me my cue and never truft me, if I don't make a fool of him. Lett. Oh, I don't doubt you. Cbarl. All we want at prefent is a little time, Lettice. Colonel Frankly, you may be fure, will be here. The other parties muft be put upon a wrong fcent, and in the mean while I {hall give my hand to the colonel, which my papa and mama have feverally deftined to Mr. Marcourt and Mr. Kitchen. Lett. But how am I to treat Mr. Kitchen ? Cbarl. Why thus Ha ! yonder comes Mr. Marcourt. Come into the next room, Lettice, and I'll explain every thing Now remember your inftrucliions, Sally ! Sally. Let me alone ! go, and give Lettice her lefTon : I am perfect in mine. Lett. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 277 Lett. Ay, you are an apt fcholar, I'll warrant you. Charl. Well! fuccefs attend you ! Come,Lettice! {Exeunt Chart, and Lett. Sally alone. Sally. Now for as many fibs as I ever told my mama or my governefs ! Here the gentleman comes full of pride and conceit. He is a pretty man too ; but I don't like him half fo well as colonel Frankly. Enter Marcourt. Marc. Ha ! my little puppet ! what do you do here all alone, my dear ? Sally. Nothing at all, not I, Sir. Marc. You feem dull, my dear. Come, let us chatter a little, and that will put you in fpirits. Sally. V?\\\ it? why, what will you fay to me, Sir? Marc. Say to you ? I'll tell you you're as hand- fome as a little angel. Sally. Ah ! but do you really believe fo, Sir ? Marc. Yes, indeed do I I could almoft find in my heart to make love to you. Sally. Oh, but they fay I am too little yet awhile but have a little patience, and I (hall be as tall as my fitter. Marc. That you will very foon, my little dear ! T 3 anJ 278 MAN AND WIFE; OR, and when I am married to your fifter, I'll take care to get you a hufband. Sally. Oh dear ! you married to my fifter ! When will that be, I vender ? Marc. Very foon, my dear ! to-day, or to-mor- row, perhaps. Sally. To-morrow come-never, I believe. Marc. Why fo, my dear? Sally. Ah, you want to pump me. But I mull not tell tales, you know. I fhall be huffed if I do. Marc. Egad, I may be tricked here \_Afide.~] Well, but, my little dear, you may tell me You fhall come to no harm, I promife you. Sally. And won't you fay that I told you ? M'J r c. No : I'll fwear Sally. Oh dear ! don't you fwear : that's naughty, and will frighten me. Marc. Well upon my honour then, nobody fhall know that you told me. SftHy. But is there nobody liftening ? Marc. Not a creature we're all alone Come now ! hide nothing from me j there's a good little foul! Sally. Why then you are impofed upon, Sir. Marc. Ay ? egad, I was afraid fo but how ? how, my dear ? Sally. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 279 Sally. As they think I am but a child, they don't mind what they fay before me fo I hear all their contrivances. Marc. Well ! what are they ? Sally. It made me mad to think they (hould abufe fuch a charming pretty gentleman, as you are. I am fure, if I was my fitter, I .fhould like you a thoufand times better than Mr. Kitchen. Marc. "What a fenfible little creature it is ! There's a good child ! but what were the con- trivances you were fpeaking of ? Sally. For my fitter to go off with Mr. Kitchen, and be married to him. Mare. Ay ! how ? Sally. In a blue Turkifh habit. Marc. Oh, I know that. Sally. No, indeed, but you don't, Sir. I know what you think well enough. I heard my fitter fay that (lie had fairly told mama and you, that (he had fettled it fo with papa, only to throw you the more off your guard, and make you believe (he would go along with you in a pink domino. I pretended to be for Mr. Marcourt, fays fhe : But indeed, fays fhe, I mall do as my papa would have me, for all that. I'll put on the blue Turkifli habit, and go with Mr. Kitchen. Marc. So, fo ! I am to be bubbled then. T 4 Sally. 280 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Sally. That you will, if you don't look after the lady in the Turkifh habit, I can tell you, Sir. Marc. Oh, I mall take care, I warrant you. Sally. Ay, you know all their fecrets now ; but if you fay I told you, I'll never let you know any thing again. Marc". Never fear, my dear. I'll blow up all their plots, and pretend I difcovered them by ac- cident. Sally. Do, do ! But I muft leave you now, Sir j for if my fifler, or papa, or Lettice, mould fee us together, they may fufpeft fomething. Marc. So they may but before you go, let me give you one kifs for your intelligence ! Sally. Oh, no ! I muft not kifs the gentlemen. Marc. Go, you little coquet, you ! Sally. However, I'll make you one of my bed dancing curtfies. Marc. Oh, your fervant, mifs ! [She makes him a low curtjy but as he turns away t holds up her hands and laughs at him He turns fuddenly towards her -Jhe calls up a grave look, makes him another low curtfy, and runs away romping. Marcourt alone. A lucky difcovery this and very whimfically made too Fools and children always fpeak truth, they THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 281 they fay But Charlotte cannot ferioufly prefer Kitchen to me-* I think I may venture to fay that's impofllble No ! She has given into this, merely to oblige her father, and will be happy to fee his intentions defeated. I'll about it inftantly It fhall be done, my dear, on purpofe to oblige you. \_Exit, A hall Enter Mrs. Crofs and Lettice. Mrs. Crofs. Well, I declare I am quite delighted with this idea of Mr. Marcourt's, of receiving maflcs at home. It is fo much in the ftile of people of condition The gentility of it pleafes me almoft as much as contradicting my hufband. Lett. It is a great happinefs that mafquerades are coming into fafhion again. It gives a lady a fine opportunity of having her own way, to be fure, ma'am. Mrs. Crofs. So it does, Lettice, as Mr. Crofs (hall experience. Charlotte has followed my direc- tions, I hope ? Lett. To a tittle, ma'am You fee I am ready drefs'd for the purpofe. Mrs. Crofs. Very well. I {hall have witnefle* of my triumph too That willbe charming. Is every thing ready in the apartments to receive the company ? 282 MAN AND WIFE* OR, Lett. Every thing, ma'am. Mrs. Crofs. Have they moved the partition be- tween the fore and back room ? Lett. They have, ma'am. Mrs. Crofs. Have they {luck the ends offperma- ceti in the girandoles ? And have you fent to the apothecary's for a fufficient quantity of cream of tartar to make lemonade ? Lett. Your orders have been exactly obeyed, ma'am. Mrs. Crofs. Mighty well. You know I die, if I have not every thing in the higheft ftile If I give but a plate of bread and butter, I give it like a perfon of condition. But I muft go, and do the honours of the houfe I fee fome mafks going into the yellow room I have fent cards to every body one knows that's at Stratford And I expect a member of parliament with his wife and daugh- ters, the dowager lady Codille, Sir Thomas Frip- pery, and a Yellow admiral Be fure you take care, Lettice ! [Exit. Lett Ice alone. Lett. Yes ; I fhall take care of more than you are aware, I promife you, madam How happy the old gentlewoman makes herfelf, in her fuccefs, as fhe fancies it ! My mailer is in the very fame cafe THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 283 cafe And my young lady too much for them both. Surely, there muft be fome very extraordinary plea- fure in a man's plaguing his wife, and a woman's tormenting her hufband. My mafter and miftrefs think of nothing elfe. They are like flint and fteel, perpetually ftriking fire out of each other Oh, here comes Mr. Kitchen As true to his appoint- ment, as if it was an invitation to turtle or venifon Now for a little mafquerade frolick ! [Puts on her tnajk. Enter Kitchen. Kitchen. Your fervant, madam ! Lett. Your fervant, good Sir ! [Pulling off her majk. Kitchen. What! is it you, Mrs. Lettice ? I thought it had been mifs Charlotte. Lett. No, Sir; my miftrefs could not poflibly come herfclf And fo (he has fent me in her place. Kitchen. I am obliged to you for coming ; but I have been fworn at Highgate, Mrs. Lettice, and never take the maid inftead of the miftrefs. Lett. But I fuppofe you have no objection to take the maid in order to get at the miftrefs ? Kitchen. No, no ! But what's the meaning of all this ? How came you here in that habit ? Lett. 284 MAN AND WIFE, OR, Lett. I'll tell you, Sir. Mrs. Crofs, you know, is as much fet againft you, as my mafter is your friend And my young lady has a fad time with them both together, poor foul ! Kitchen. So me has, and yet me manages them pretty well too. She mixes with them as kindly as an egg between oil and vinegar. Z,rf/.Why, fhe muft feem to oblige my old lady ; but her inclinations are entirely with you and her papa. Kitchen. Yes, yes, I know that, Lettice. Lett. But to make ihort of my ftory, Sir; her mama having unluckily difcovered that Mifs Char- lotte had promifed to meet you in this habit, in- fifls on my putting it on, drefles her daughter in a pink domino, and fends her to meet Mr. Marcourt. Kitchen. The devil ! Lett. Patience, Sir ; my young lady has turned all this to your advantage. Kitchen. By what means ? Lett. She has contrived to make Mr. Marcourt imagine he is impofed upon. Her little fifler, who is as {harp as a needle, has been fet to tell him, that Mifs Charlotte ftill intends to meet you in this habit. This puts him upon a falfe train fends him in purfuit of me and in the mean 'while THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 285 while you are to give my miftrefs the meeting near the great booth, Sir. Kitchen. Excellent ! I'll away this very inftant. Lett. Stay, fir. As I live, yonder comes Mr. Mar- court. If he fees you leave me fo abruptly, he will hardly take me for my young miftrefs. Sup- pofe you feem to have me under your care, and wait a few moments for a favourable opportunity to flip oft" to your appointment. Kitchen. I'll do it. Lett. He's juft here. I muft on with my mafic, and not open my lips, for fear of difcovery. [Puts on her mafk. Enter Marcourt. Marc.There they are, egad juft as the little girl told me Your fervant, ma'am. \Lettice curt/us. Your fervant, Mr. Kitchen ! Kitchen. Your humble fervant, Sir ! Marc. Give me leave, Sir, to pay my refpels to that lady. Kitchen. Excufe me, Sir. This lady has nothing to fay to you. Marc. You are miftaken, Sir. I came on purpofe to meet her. Kitchen. That cannot be, Sir This is an ac- quaintance of mine and not the lady you mean. Marc. 286 MAN AND WIFE} OR, Marc. But I am convinced it is, Sir. Kitchen. Pho ! prithee, man ! A lady in ft mafk is like a difli under cover j you can never tell what it is. Marc. Pardon me, Sir. This may be dif- guifed in the dreffing-, but I like the dim, and muft tafte of it. \_Taking hold of Lettice. Kitchen. Let the lady alone, Sir ! Marc. This way, madam ! Kitchen. Zounds, Mr. Marcourt ! \_MarcourtJlruggles with Lettice Jhe f creams. Enter Crofs and Mrs. Crofs. Crcfs. Hey-day ! What is all this ? Kitchen. Only Mr. Marcourt, Sir, that will fall on without invitation. Here's a lady complains of his rudenefs. Crofs. Rudenefs ! in my^houfe ! for fhame, Mr. Marcourt ! This is your man of quality, Mrs. Crofs. Marc. Only a mafquerade frolick ; nothing elfe, Sir. Crofs. Well then by the laws of all mafquerades, the malic being taken off puts an end to imperti- nence Pull off your mafk, and put him to the bkifh, madam. Kitchen. By no means, Sir. Crofs. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 287 Crofs. Why not ? She {hall pull it off, and teach him how to behave himfelf. Mrs. Crofi. No, no ; the lady muft not pull her mafk off. Crofs. But I fay, file fhall. Mrs. Crofs, But I fay, me {hall not. Crofs. But {he {hall, Mrs. Crofs. Mrs. Crofs. But {he {hall not, Mr. Crofs. Marc. Ay, [ay, let the lady unmade, and I'll be fatisfied. Mrs. Crofs. What ! are you mad, Mr. Marcourt? Marc. My dear Mrs. Crofs, you are not in the fecret ! [takes hold of Lettice. Lett. No violence, I befeech you, Sir ! the fight is not worth fo much importunity. [unmajks. Marc. Confufion ! Lettice ? Lett. At your fervice, Sir ! \_curtfies. Crofs. Lettice ! in that habit ? Where is my daughter ? Mrs. Crofs. I knew {he was not here Don't be uneafy, my dear ! I underftood Mr. Kitchen was defirous of a rendezvous ; fo I put the change upon him, thinking Lettice a more proper com- panion for him than my daughter. Ha, ha, ha ! Crofs. Death and the devil ! Am I deceived then ? fooled by my wife too! 288 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Kitchen. Have patience, Sir. Many things hap- pen between the cup and the lip. Sweet meat may have four fauce, they fay. A word with you. \Talks apart with Crofs s while Mrs. Crofs converfes with Mar court. Mrs. Crofs. But where is the girl all this while, Mr. Marcourt ? Marc. Devil fetch me, if I know, madam. I took Lettice for her. Mrs. Crofs. What ! were you deceived too ? How could you poflibly be fo abfurd ? Did not I agree to put Lettice into the Turkifh habit, and to drefs Charlotte in the pink domino ? \_Kitchen goes out here. Marc* Yes but I was told I was impofed upon and now I, begin to think I have made a fool of myfelf. Mrs. Crofs. I drefs'd Charlotte, and left her in my room waiting for you. I never knew any thing fo ridiculous ! However, there can be no great harm done it is plain (he is not with Mr. Kitchen, you fee. Crofs. [Overhear ing. ,] Don't be too fure of that, Mrs. Crofs ! Mr. Marcourt and you are but weak politicians. You fettle your own plan of operations, and never confider the motions of the enemy. Mrs. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 289 Mrs. Crofs. What motions ! Where's Mr. Kit- chen ? gone ? Crofs. Yes gone. Gone to marry my daughter. Mr. Marcourt rather chofe to make tip to Lettice, you fee. Mrs. Crofs. If (he marries Mr. Kitchen, I'll never fee her face again. To have your way in every thing ! I cannot bear it ! Crofs. Rave on, my dear ! We muft give lofers leave to talk, you know. Let them laugh that win ! Mrs. Crofs. Provoking infolence ! I mall die with vexation. Crofs. Ha, ha, ha ! poor woman ! Enter Fleece. Crofs. Mr. Fleece ! how do you, Sir ? I am glad to fee you heartily glad to fee you, Mr. Fleece. Mrs. Crofs. How do you do, Mr. Fleece ? Fleece. Very well, I thank you, ma'am. I wifh you joy, ma'am I wifh you joy of Mifs Charlotte's marriage, Mr. Crofs. Crofs. My daughter's marriage ! Look you there, ma'am. Tol derol, lol derol, lol She's married, you fay ? VOL. II. U Fleece. 290 MAN AND WIFE; OR, Fleece. Yes, Sir ; I left the couple at the church- door. Crofs. Tol derol, lol derol, lol ! Mrs. Crofs. Charlotte married ! to whom ? to Mr. Kitchen, Mr. Fleece ? Crofs. Mr. Kitchen ! ay, to be fure* whom (hould it be elfe, Mrs. Crofs ? Fleece. Mr. Kitchen ! lackaday, no, ma'am not Mr. Kitchen, Sir ; I never heard of the gentle- man. Marc. Well faid, my little woolcomber I* nor any body elfe, I believe. Mrs. Crofs. Not Mr. Kitchen. Mind that, Mr. Crofs ! Crofs. Not Mr. Kitchen ? Why then, who the devil is me married to ? Fleece. To Colonel Frankly, Sir, Marc. Colonel Frankly ! there's 3 fly dog now ! Mrs. Crofs. Well I don't care who it is, fo as it is not Mr. Kitchen. Marc. I am infinitely obliged to you, ma'am. Crofs. 'Sdeath, Sir ! but I'll fet all Stratford in a blaze. Did not you receive a letter from us about this affair ? Fleece. THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 291 Fleece. I did, Sir, from Mifs Charlotte and fubfcribed with yours and Mrs. Crofs's appro- bation. I obeyed your orders precifely, took this houfe immediately, and had the banns afked be- tween the parties. Crofs. Well ! and the parties were my daughter and Mr. Kitchen. Mrs. Crofs. No ; my daughter and Mr. Marcourt. Fleece. Neither ; but your daughter and Colonel Frankly. Here are my credentials, Sir the letter in your's, Mrs. Crofs's, and Mifs Charlotte's, hand- writing. [Delivers the letter* Crofs. So, fo ! the little gipfy has deceived us both then. She told me me would put in Mr. Kitchen's name. Mrs. Crofs. And me, that flie would deceive you, and infert Mr. Marcourt's. Marc. Inftead of which, (he has put in Colonel Frankly's A bubble, by Jupiter ! My wager with Kitchen is a drawn bet then. Enter Kitchen* Marc. Ha ! my brother in advcrfity, where do you come from ? Kitchen. From church. I arrived juft at the conclufion of the ceremony ; but the latter end of U 2 a feaft 292 MAN AND WIFE; OR, a feaft is better than the beginning of a fray, they fay. We {hall have a Jubilee wedding of it. There is the bride and bridegroom, with all Strat- ford, at my heels. Mrs. Crofs. They fha'n't enter my doors. I won't fee their faces. Kitchen. You had better, madam ; or this affair will make us all very ridiculous. Mrs. Crofs. Don't tell me to be treated in fuch a fhameful manner ! I will have nothing to fay to them and if Mr. Crofs has a grain of fpirit, he will turn the undutiful wretch out of doors, and cut her off with a fhilling. Crofs. But I mall do no fuch thing, Mrs. Crofs. My conduct {hall be juft the reverfe, madam. I will receive them with open arms : For if any thing has been amifs, it has been entirely your fault. Mrs. Crofs. My fault ! how can that be ? Crofs. Very eafily. If you had been of my mind, and had not encouraged the girl to be difobedient, fhe would not have been undutiful. Mrs. Crofs. Well and if you had been of my mind, would not it have been juft the fame thing ? Crofs. I begin to think we have both been to blame. Enter THE SHAKESPEARE JUBILEE. 293 Enter Charlotte #nd Colonel Frankly. Frankly. Permit us, Sir, to throw ourfelves at your feet, and to hope for your's and Mrs. Crofs's forgivenefs. My Charlotte thought it impoffible to prevail on both to confent to the fame match, and that is her only excufe for marrying without the approbation of either. Crofs. Your apology is a fevere reproof, Sir. Mrs. Crofs. I don't care fo (he is not wife to Mr. Kitchen. Kitchen. Faith, madam, it gives me no uneafi- nefs. I have been roafted a little, it is true but not fo much as my friend here. He got into the wheel, and turned himfelf. Marc. No matter I fcorn to be outdone in good humour and as this marriage has begun in mafquerade, if the prefent good company will ad- journ to the Jubilee-maficed-ball this evening, I will mod chearfully attend them there. Mrs. Crofs. Oh, as to the mafquerade, it is a genteel affair, and I like it of all things. Crofs. Come then, Mrs. Crofs ! It was impofli- ble we both mould have been pleafed ; fo let us not repine that Charlotte has fatisfied neither. We may, however, derive from this incident one ma- terial piece of inftruclion That- no family can be *94 MAN AND WIFE, &c. well governed, where there is a difagreement be- tween thofe who are placed at the head of it and that nothing is fo neceffary as harmony among thofe whofe interefts are fo intimately conne&ed as thofe of Man and Wife. END OF THE SECOND VOLUME. 90 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFOBNIA f TRRABV University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. "0 LD-URI OL OCT Forn 1999 PR 3358 Colman - Al 1777 v.2 Dramatick works 3 115800594 1355 A 000 006 905 4 PR 3358 Al 1777 v.2