BANCROFT LIBRARY o THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA Earhrl Will) 9*trraan OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH BY RACHEL WILD PETERSON HER EXPERIENCES IN THE SLUMS OF DENVER DENVER, COLORADO THE REED PUBLISHING COMPANY 1905 Copyright, 1905, By RACHEL WILD PETERSON PRESS or Library BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE [Extract from The Norton (Kansas) Champion, April 5, 1894.} Miss RACHEL WILD now resides at 3519 Lafayette street, Denver, Colorado, and is a leading missionary. The following is from a letter from her: "I am of French and English descent; was born at Woodbine, Harrison county, Iowa, February 28, 1860. My father followed farming, but when President Lincoln called for volunteers to defend the Union, in 1862, he enlisted, and did his part in putting down the great rebellion., After the war was ended, father returned home, and shortly afterward disposed of his farm, moving to Kansas in the spring of 1866. Being so young (only 6 years of age), my memory of the war is limited, but I remember how glad we were to welcome father home after his service to his country. "We journeyed from Iowa to Kansas in a prairie schooner, and at this time the latter state was a typical frontier state, having all the customs of a crude, primitive country. We had no county lines and few county seats. We located in what was afterward called Lincoln county, on a stream that father named Spring creek, and on this little stream we took up a homestead April 3, 1866. "During my girlhood days I remember of our entertaining the county surveyors, or those who were laying out the county lines. How different Kansas was then! The Indian whoop was to be heard and the buffalo, elk and antelope roamed the plains. We had no railroads nearer than eighty miles, and the nearest town, Salina, was thirty miles away. "I have a vivid recollection of the Indian outbreaks, when the scouts would come in with timely warning, and we would have to seek some place of safety, usually the town of Salina, a place of perhaps a dozen houses. Our own house was fortified by a strong, high board fence, with portholes for defense against the savage, and during the frequent Indian scares the neighbors gathered at our primitive fort for mutual protection against our copper-colored enemies. During their frequent attacks we and our neighbors would take turns watching the foe. I can remember the shrieks of the wolves and other wild animals. "Not long after this we moved over to Dewdrop creek, a stream my father also named, and about this time my twin brother, not IV BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE i being able to bear the hard work of a newly settled farm, went to Steubenville, Ohio, to attend school. My older brothers having all left home, it devolved upon me, a lo-year-old girl, to take charge of the farm and become transformed into a farmer's boy. My father had become a victim of the diamond fever and started for South Africa, but he never reached there, having been robbed and obliged to return on a homeward-bound vessel. "My duties on the farm were various milking, cutting and shocking wheat, breaking horses for harness and saddle, plowing, cleaning stables and herding cattle the same as a cowboy. Neighbors often hired me to herd their cattle at one dollar ,a head. I had over one hundred under my care besides our own. I have been in the saddle in rain and sunshine, in heat and cold, until my hands were blistered and I had sores on my body therefrom. This was a daily experience for nearly four years, when an accident occurred. One Sunday evening in April, 1873,. while hunting cattle, a horse fell upon me and fractured my limb. After laying in the mud two hours I was taken home- and from 6 p. m. till i a. m., I lay suffering. On the arrival of the doctor he set my limb, but through ignorance or carelessness it was improperly done and left me a cripple for life. "In the month of June in this year I left home; being now a cripple, I could not take the place of a man on the farm, and my father being disappointed in me caused me to leave home an out- cast, for no reason except that I was born a girl. This summer I herded cattle for Ed Johnson at $15 a month, with my crutches at my saddle-side, my crippled leg resting on a pillow. I followed this until cold weather set in. I was inexperienced in domestic work and as simple as a child. I spent the winter with the family of Volney Ball; in the spring" I went to my oldest brother's, nine miles from home, and there I met the Rev. Mr. Seymour and his wife, who promised to give me a home for my labor, but not by adoption. "In the spring of 1874 we moved to Norton Center and I remained in this place two years. I left Mrs. Seymour because at my age, 16, I could do better for myself than earn my board and clothes. After leaving them I secured a position at the Commercial Hotel as a waitress at a salary of $15 per month. Norton Center consisted of two hotels, one livery stable, one drug and general store, and a blacksmith shop. A county seat war was on during this time, and they built a court house and jail. Before this the jail " was a room connected with the Commercial Hotel. In going to and from the hotel kitchen we passed the door of the prison room, and could see the prisoners chained to the floor, partly covered with blankets, which was not a very pleasant sight for timid people, but BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE V in those days of Kansas history, one soon overcame their timidity. Mr. Possom, the proprietor of the hotel, was the sheriff. "During my first year at Norton there was a grasshopper plague, which became so unbearable as to necessitate building a fire in the yard to keep the pests out of the house. We also had an Indian out- break in the county west of Norton, where several white people were killed. "At last, tiring of "Norton. I journeyed to Hastings, Nebraska, and soon found employment in my old position as waitress in the Commercial House. I can remember the advent of the first railroad into Hastings and the great excitement it caused. I remained there nearly two years, but hearing a good deal about Denver, I deter- mined to go there. This was also a trip across the country in a wagon- We arrived in Denver in the latter part of July, 1880. We found the Colorado metropolis to be a primitive and thinly populated town. We camped near the union depot on the banks of the Platte river. I went to work in 'the American restaurant on the corner of Sixteenth and Blake streets I only remained here a short time and then went to the Goodwin House, which was owned by a friend from Hastings. Here I met Mr. Walter Peterson, and was mar- ried to him September 13, 1880. I then started a hotel for myself, calling it the 'Railroad House.' I selected this name because nearly all my guests were railroad men, having one hundred and fifty who were connected in some capacity with the railroads centering in Denver. After- being in business about four years, I sold out and bought a home, and shortly afterward, on Thursday morning, November 20, 1884, in rny own home, I was converted. One year later my little girl was born. In 1887 the, Master distinctly called me to His work and I entered the field as a worker in the blessed vineyard of the Lord. As an instrument in His hand I have had hundreds of conversions. I have held gospel meetings in jails and hospitals, missions and on street corners, as well as in most of the leading churches of the city. I could fill volumes with the glorious experiences I have had in this line, and some day I will do so. I can hardly realize the goodness of God in leading the way for me, a child caring for the stock on a Kansas farm, to go out into the by-ways and preach His gospel to all the people." AUTHOR'S NOTE The title for this book came to me twelve years ago in the following letter: 3687 5Ftrst Nattmtai Sattk Norton, Kansas. December 8, 1893. Mrs. Rachel Peterson, Denver, Colo.: DEAR MADAM: I have just learned through Judge Louis K. Pratt that you are our long-lost Rachel Wild. A great many people here remember you kindly; and as I am writing a history of Norton county, I wish you would write me a biography of yourself for publication; tell me when you came to Norton county, where from and who with; whether you were adopted by Seymour, and when; how long you lived here; how you came to leave, and where you went and where you ihave lived since; tell all about your family. Please to make it as complete as you .can ; also give place and date of birth and everything you may think of that would be of interest to the people of Norton county. Very respectfully, F. M. LOCKARD. PROEM Through suffering the Son of God learned obedience. Suffering has made me obedient to God. Gentleness, says one, has made me great. Some seek greatness at the cannon's mouth. The fierce warrior has gained a world- wide reputation through love for his country. David's love of God made him great in overcoming his enemy. The greatest forces, gravitation, sunshine, etc., are the gentlest. How gentle is the mother with her child 1 Yet there is something greater, even, than a mother's love or a 'mother's gentleness. The love of God shed abroad in the heart by the Holy Ghost, is greater than a mother's love, or a wife's love, or even a husband's love. God compares the love of a husband to Christ's love for the church. The love of God enables everyone, young and old, rich and poor, the one with the one talent and the one with the ten talents, to endure hardships, the hardest things, to bear the heaviest burdens, calamities, affliction, strife, insults, wrongs. One who has been made great by God's love is greatest of all, is the one fit to possess the earth, is the one who is strongest in soul, heart and will, and capable of serving others. Such an one will not only bear his own burden of pain and care cheerfully, but will take up the burdens of others who have no helper. They must have reservoirs of strength must be related to the Almighty must be able to draw upon the Great Power of the Universe at will. CONTENTS CHAPTER I 15 Childhood. Pioneer Life in Kansas. Herds of Buffalo. Indian Uprisings. CHAPTER II 22 Herding Cattle. Pursued by Wolves. Grasshopper Plague. Chills and Fever. Crippled for Life. CHAPTER III 34 Leaving Home. Employed as a Farm Hand, Domestic, and Waiter in Hotel. CHAPTER IV 38 Migration to Denver in Covered Wagon. Worked in Restau- rant and Hotel. Married to Walter Peterson. Dreaming of Heaven and a Catholic Sister. CHAPTER V 45 My Conversion and Early Christian Experience. Jealousy. How to Receive the Spirit. CHARTER VI 63 Consecration to the Lord's Service. Beginning Work in the Slums. CHAPTER VII : 7i The Uprooting of the Adam Nature. CHAPTER VIII 74 Overcoming Divers Sins and Temptations. Leader of the Workers' Band. Prayer Meetings in Jails and Hospitals. CHAPTER IX 87 Incidents in the Work Among the Vile and Lowly. The Sad Story of Mollie Hill. CHAPTER X 105 The Kind of Lives Husbands and Wives 'Should Lead. CHAPTER XI 124 Comforting the Sick and Destitute. Newspaper Account of the Work of the Tabernacle. CHAPTER XII 131 The Friendly Shelter. Personal Love for Sinners the Main Force in Winning Souls to Repentance. CHAPTER XIII 163 Leaving the Tabernacle and Joining the Haymarket Mission. Visit to My Childhood Home. Experiences in Healing. CHAPTER XIV 174 Wickedness of Spiritual Pride. Sin of Tale-bearing. X CONTENTS CHAPTER XV 188 What I Owe to God. The Law of Tithing. CHAPTER XVI 193 Haymarket Bulletin. A Three- Years' Report of My Work. CHAPTER XVII 197 Story of the Gospel Wagon. Holding Street Meetings. Healings. Christian Science. CHAPTER XVIII 212 Home for Fallen Women. Meetings in Mining Camps. Life of Sacrifice and Economy. CHAPTER XIX 230 Revival Meetings in the Mountains. Death of Brother Ketchum. Purification Through Suffering. Drowning the Gospel Wagon. Natural Love and Spiritual Love. Fallen Men and Women. Sanctification. CHAPTER XX 287 Difficulties of Living a Consecrated Life. Misjudged and Persecuted. CHAPTER XXI 308 Forgiving Our Enemies. The Evil Tongue. Catholic Workers. Hypocrisy. "Deciding the Church Trial." CHAPTER XXII 339 The Non-Sectarian Pilgrim Tent-Workers. Consolation De- rived from the Study of God's Word in Times of Trial. CHAPTER XXIII. 351 The Tongue to be Bridled. Rejoining the Tabernacle. Temperance. Prevalence of Crime. Giving to the Poor. The Good and the Bad Woman. The Bad Man. Fire of the Holy Ghost. CHAPTER XXIV. 407 The Old Man and the New Man. CHAPTER XXV 416 Judge Not by Appearances. Rachel's Infirmities. Paul's Infirmities. Sayings of the Truth. CHAPTER XXVI 431 Deep Soul-Love Required in Married Life. CHAPTER XXVII 444 Words to Young People on Pleasures. Cleanliness Next to Godliness. CHAPTER XXVIII 446 Conclusion. ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE RACHEL WILD PETERSON Frontispiece DICK AND CHARLIE 16 DOCTOR JOHN 24 THE AUTHOR LEAVING THE OLD HOMESTEAD 32 YESTERDAY 32 TO-DAY 32 BURNING THE CARDS 48 "I'LL SMOTHER BETWEEN THESE TICKS" 65 THE WOMAN WHOM I HID FROM HER DRUNKEN HUSBAND 65 MAKING HER WAY TO THE BED-CHAMBER AT THE MID-NIGHT HOUR , 88 SOME ANONYMOUS LETTERS I HAVE KNOWN 176 WATCHING THE BURGLAR AT His WORK 184 "STOP, SIR ! THIS WILL NEVER Do" 200 THE RETURN OF THE MISSIONARY PARTY 232 DECIDING THE CHURCH TRIAL 328 TRYING TO ESCAPE THROUGH THE TRANSOM 44 WEIGHED IN THE BALANCES 448 THE LONG -LOST RACHEL WILD Or, Seeking Diamonds in the Rough CHAPTER I. I AM of French and English descent, and was born in Woodbine, Harrison county, la., February 28, 1860. My father followed farming, but in 1862, when President Lincoln called for volun- teers to defend the Union, he enlisted and did his part in putting down the great rebellion. I was in my third year, and although so young, I can remember tj^e evening when two gentlemen drove up in a carriage, dressed in officer's uniform. I will never forget when they drove away through the blinding rain. The home was sad that night. My heart was almost broken. I thought we would never see father again. I have learned by experience we older ones and parents overlook the grief of the little ones. You may know my heart was almost broken when I can remember so well the even- ing he bade us good-by. God help us to remember the little sad hearts around our knees. I can look back now and see that the older ones of the family did not realize how sad was my heart. One would not think at my age that I could understand, but I did. During the time father was away I only remember going to school a few months. Before we left Iowa I can remember seeing the tame Indians come to a lake near our house to swim and what a sight it was to watch the little Indians learn to swim ! One night after father had left there came up an awful storm and it blew the door open. I thought how nice it would be if father were only there to hold the door shut. I was almost fright- ened to death at the lightning and wind. This is all I can remem- ber until one day between sundown and dark we saw father com- ing up the road in blue clothes with brass buttons, carrying a gun over his shoulder. I can remember so well how glad we were to welcome father home after his service to his country. Shortly after his return home he disposed of his farm and a small brick yard in which I did my first work. I can remember straddling the long rows of brick and turning them over to dry, and how my back would ache. I thought I was so big and smart. Father would tell me that I could do more than my twin brother could 'do. How father would smile, and the good it did me for him to brag on me ! Do not forget to tell your children of their goodness, and speak as little of their faults as you can. Do all you can to encourage them. It does so little good to always be telling them of their faults. In 1865 we moved to Kansas. We journeyed from Iowa to Kansas in a covered wagon. There were father and mother, James and Marion, Mary and 'Ellen, Charlie and John and myself. My 1 6 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD mother was the mother of thirteen children. One was born after we moved to Kansas and five died, two passing away in Ohio and three in Illinois. Their names were Lucy, Sarah and Grant, and two were not named. Kansas was at that time a typical frontier state, having all the customs and traits of a crude primitive country, had no county lines and few county seats. We settled in what was afterwards called Lincoln county, on Spring Creek. If I remember rightly, father named this creek; and on this stream we took up a homestead, April 3, 1866. During my childhood days I remember of our entertaining the county surveyors, or those who were laying out the county line.. How different Kansas was then! The Indian war-whoop could be heard and the buffalo, elk and antelope roamed the plains. We had no railroads, and the near- est town, Salina, was thirty miles away, and the railroad about eighty miles. I have a vivid recollection of the Indian outbreaks and how the scouts would come in with their timely warnings, and we would have to seek some place of safety, usually the town of Salina, this being a place of perhaps a dozen houses. As the years went by families; one by one, came until father thought it safe to make our own home a place of mutual protection against our copper-colored enemies. They built a high board fence, with port- holes, against the savage. During the frequent Indian scares the neighbors would gather at our primitive fort. Those times I can remember the shrieks of the wolves and wild animals. During the frequent attacks of the enemy we and our neighbors would take turns, night after night, watching against the foe. I would like to tell you, dear reader, a few stories that I can remember as a child. In those three and a half years we left our home a number of times. Once there rode a man up to the gate at one o'clock at night, and at the top of his voice cried out: "Get . for your lives," and rode away at a rapid speed to warn others. Need- less to say we did not wait to be told a second time, nor doubt there was danger at hand. Mother got the grub-box packed and the bedding ready. Father gave his attention to the guns and ammunition, while my two eldest brothers put in readiness the horses and wagons. My oldest sister let the pigs and chickens, cows and calves out. It would not do to go away and leave them shut up to starve, and we had no time to take them with us, for we had to race for our lives. This one time I speak of I shall never forget. Mother had washed that day, and the clothes were all out on the bushes. Mother sent my twin brother and myself to get the clothes in. I do not remember whether we brought one piece in whole or not. We could not help thinking there was an Indian or two under every bush, and we did not take time to gather OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 17 the clothes off the bushes as we should. We were not long in getting on the road, and the only thing we stopped for till we arrived at the place of safety was to change horses. In one of those Indian scares my youngest brother was born, on the banks of the Smokyhill river, in a covered wagon. Ah, I cannot begin to tell you what a wild life we lived. The buffalo would come in herds through our farm and almost destroy the crops. They came in such large droves that we could not see the ground for miles. We would hitch up a wagon, put a lot of tin pans and buckets into the wagonbed and start the horses running, to cause the pans to rattle. As long as the buffalo could hear the rattle of the tinware they would run. In that way the great herd would be stampeded. The pounding of their hurrying hoofs caused the earth to tremble till the glasses on the table were shaken. It was an experience never to be forgotten. When they ran they ran stiff-legged, their tails up in the air and rocking like a Cradle. It was a wonderful sight. My brother could stand in the gate of our yard and kill us as nice a fat, young buffalo as anyone ever saw. The grass was alive with rattlesnakes. My oldest brother and we children would go out all day hunting ratlesnakes. We would kill one, and then we would go away a little distance and wait for the mate of the one we had killed. It would come without fail. We continued to go snake hunting till we killed the most of them off. The great, gray wolves were dreadful. We could always know when one was near, because of a peculiar odor like burning rubber. One Sunday afternoon my oldest sister and my twin brother and myself went down the creek two miles to see my oldest brother. When coming back about half a mile from my brother's house we looked up, and on the hill across the creek we saw a lot of Indians. As soon as we saw them we dropped on our knees and crept to the creek; then up the creek, through the water and mud we waded, till we came even with the house, and then on through the bushes until we came into the back yard, where mother pulled us through the window. The front yard was full of Indians. I am sure no one ever saw a more frightened lot of children than we. We breathed a breath of relief as mother pulled the last one in. They were in the front yard begging father to give them red water. They called whisky red water. Father told them we had none, and one of them pulled his bow and arrow to shoot father, when the chief of the tribe saw him and stopped him. If he had shot father there would have been trouble, and perhaps all of us would have been killed or carried off. They finally went away, and crossing 1 8 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD the creek, camped for the night. None of us slept that night. They went on their way the next morning without doing us harm. One morning at 10:30 two large Indians rode up to the house. We were very much surprised, for we did not know there was an In- dian on the place. There was no one at home but mother and my old- est sister and myself. Father and my oldest brother and the rest of the children were out in the hayfield cutting hay. I shall never forget the look on mother's face. She was as pale as death. While they were tying their horses mother was trying to get my oldest sister to go and tell father. She was so frightened she would not go. Then mother turned to me and said: "Rachel, go." The thought passed through my mind: "If I do not go we will all be killed here and I must go." Out of the door T sprung. About ten steps from the door I was so frightened I fell to the ground. One of the Indians laughed at me and said : "Ha ! ha ! papoose fell down." With this I seemed to gain strength, and like a deer through the woods I went. I was not long getting to where father was. When he saw me coming he said to my brothers : "Get ready ; there are Indians at the house." So father took his gun and came to meet me, while brother put the horses to the wagon and drove home. We did not wait to go the way of the road. We cut through the woods, the hayfield being a mile from the house. Can you imagine, dear reader, the feelings of father and me as we ran through the woods? We did not know whether we would find mother and sister alive or not. When we got there, as we were climbing the banks of the creek, the two Indians were in the yard and saw us coming. They ran to the top of the bank and put their hands out to shake hands, saying all the time, "How, how, how." Then we knew everything was all right. Mother said as they came into the house they put their hands out to shake hands with her, and said: "Squaw is 'fraid ; squaw is pale." They told her, "Ingun no kill." They said they were "Pawnee In^un," which meant a tame Indian. They told us their names were Dick and Charlie, and said: "We no shoot white man." As they shook hands with father they laughed and told him how pale his squaw was. They sat down to eat dinner with us, and watched us using our knives and forks, which seemed to amuse them very much for they kept digging their elbows into each other's ribs, and laughing and talking Indian. After dinner they wanted to trade horses. Father would have traded with them, only he was afraid they had stolen them. They all would steal. Then they wanted to trade pipes, and father would not. They would not go till they got a trade out of him. Then they wanted him to trade butcher knives, and father did so. They \vanted tq teach father liqw tQ smoke through his nose, and father OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH IQ would choke and tears would come in his eyes, and they would slap their legs and laugh. When they were much pleased they would always slap their legs. At last they bid father good by and went on their way. Poor fellows, we never saw them again. About dark the same evening they met some buffalo hunters who shot them down, thinking they were wild Indians. They did not know any better till they went up to them after they were dead. Another time a little before dark, a man rode up to the gate. We could not tell if he were a white man or an Indian, so father took his gun on his shoulder and went out to the gate. He was a white man, and asked father if he could stay all night. He told father he was looking through the country, buying up govern- ment mules. Father knew there were no mules in the country, and did not know what to do. But he thought, as he has often said, that it is better to have the good will of a dog then the ill will, so he told him he could stay all night. The next morning when he took father's hand to bid him good by, sitting on the horse hold- ing the bridle line, he asked father if there were any of tire neigh- bors who were anything to him, or dear friends. Father wondered at him asking that question, and said : "The first neighbor is my son, and the 'next one was my bunk mate in the army." "Very well, my friend, I will remember you." He told father he had asked several places to stay all night and they would not let him stay. They mistrusted him as father had. He told father he would remember him for his kindness. It was only two weeks later when a tribe of Indians crossed the creek a little above us and went north, coming in below father's bunkmate's farm. Those who did not flee for refuge, or could not get away, were killed. From the description of the white man, it was the man who stayed all night at our house two weeks before, who led the tribe of Indians. It pays to be good and kind to our enemies, and to do good to all men. We did not think it safe to stay at our home, so we went to Minneapolis. As we passed one farmhouse we went to see if they were gone. The dishes set on the table as they had eaten dinner, the doors were open, the chairs turned over on the floor as though they had gotten word that the Indians were coming, and had fled to a place of safety. When we got to Minneapolis the Solomon river was up, so we could not cross. They told us they did not think we would be in any danger to camp on the banks of the river till night; that the river was falling fast and by night we could cross over. While we were there the soldiers brought in a woman that had been wounded by the Indians. When they told us her name we knew her. Her name was Hewitt. Their father was killed, and I do not remember how many more. There 20 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD were ten in the family. I remember the oldest boy was wounded ; the oldest girl ran into the woods and hid, and they did not find her. The story of the mother was a pitiful one. She said when they overtook her in the woods she had her babe in her arms, and they told her if she would let them have her papoose they would not hurt her. Oh, how could she let her baby go ! Like a mother she said no, she would die with her boy. They wanted him for his hair. His hair was red ; and they would kill anyone for their red hair. They would have taken him, only they knew the soldiers were after them and they would soon be overtaken if they did not hurry, so they shot two arrows into her side, or bowels, and hurried on. When the soldiers found her her bowels were lying partly out, but she still held the baby in her arms. They said she could not live, but doctors put her bowels back and sewed her up and God spared her life to her little baby boy. The family stopped at our house several months that winter. This was in the summer. We did not stay long before it was safe to return home. One afternoon about 4 o'clock there came an Indian riding up the road. We children were playing in the yard when we saw him coming. We were always on the lookout. We never got so interested in our play that we forgot to watch, father had gone to Salina, he and one of my brothers, and there was only my oldest brother at home. As he came into the house he began to sniff like a cat, and said : "White man kill Indian's ox meat." They got very angry if you killed a buffalo. They told us it was their "ox meat." He could tell by the smell, and he said: "Me no fight now. Me got my squaw and papooses with me, and me no fight." Still he was very angry. He told us his name was Doctor John. He said he was a doctor. He sat down a while and sniffed the scent of the meat. Brother had killed a buffalo that morning and mother had just salted it down when the Indian came in. When he got on his horse to go he laid his gun over the horn of the saddle of his horse and pointed the gun toward my brother and asked my brother to "shake hands goodby." My brother told him if he would put his gun down he would shake hands. The Indian said: "Me no kill white man," and still held his gun; but brother would not shake hands. Then he put his gun down at his side. and brother shook hands with him and he went his way. He let us know that if he had not had his family he would have killed us. We have come near death so many times, yet not one of our lives was lost, and so many all around us were killed. We did not dare to dig potatoes when there was an Indian near. If we had, there would not have been a potato on the place. The Indians thought that the potatoes grew on trees. We were all right if they OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 21 did not see us dig them. We would get up early in the morning, before the Indians got up, and get breakfast over. If we did not, they would put their faces up to the window, and their hands on each side of their faces, and beg mother for biscuit. The win- dows would be filled with faces. They would say, "Good squaw, good white woman, good pale face, give Injun biscuit." In the winter time they would come into our home to warm, and putting their heads over the fire, would hold their breath and watch the smoke go up the chimney till they would almost smother. When we children would see them coming we would run and hide. One morning a lot of them came to the door and we all got under the bed. I was the last one to get under the bed that morning, and one of them saw my white head and asked mother to get me from under the bed. I thought my time had come to be scalped. They thought my white head was so nice. Mother told me they would not hurt me, that they loved white and red hair. As you know their hair is all black, and when they saw us children with our white hair, the first white hair they had ever seen, it was very strange to them. During one of the raids the Indians made on the fort at Els- worth someone got into the fort and stole two little girls. They belonged to one of the officers. I do not remember what officer of the army it was. The pursuers stopped at our house to let the horses eat, and while they rested the father of the two little girls walked the floor. Oh, the grief of that father was heart-breaking. They were gone three days, and coming back with the girls, stopped all night. What a happy father ! The poor little girls were so pale and thin when they found them. They had wandered around till they were so tired they sat down to die. They would never have starved, but they would have been eaten by wolves. The Indians knew the< soldiers were following them, and they dropped the two little girls to be eaten by the wolves that night if they had not been found. A few months after this happened there were three buffalo hunters a few miles from our house, and the Indians came upon them and killed them. They did not kill them outright, but scalped one, another one they drove spikes through his feet and hands, and the other one they drove the rod of the tail-gate : of the wagon through his stomach, and then left them to die. When they were found, the one that had been scalped had crept away from the others and died. The one whose stomach the rod had been driven through, had dug holes in the ground with his feet and hands, and was found dead. The three were dead when found. The Indians were so cruel when they had the whites in their power. They would make little sharp sticks like pins, and drive them into the flesh of the white women that they took captive. 22 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD CHAPTER II. IWAS in my ninth year. There was no school, no Sunday-school, no church, no prayer-meeting, and yet I dare say we little children did more praying than all the children of Denver put together. The children have more to thank God for now- a-days, on the line of opportunities and other things, though I, being surrounded with danger at all times for three years, have nothing to regret in my young life, as I look back. It only had a tendency to make my young life more serious than that of child- ren now-a-days. There were lasting impressions made on my mind. It is almost beyond belief that little children could have the knowl- edge of spiritual things that we had. Our trust in God was something wonderful. I was eight years old in. February, and in April I was lost. Father sent me after the cattle in the first part of April. The grass was not good and the cattle had rambled so far away I could not find them, so I hunted and hunted till it was almost dark. I had gotten so far from home that I could. not get back till night was upon me, and so dark I could not see my hand .before me. There was no road to guide the horse, not even a path. Dear reader, can you imagine the feeling of my heart as I looked to God, in my simple way, praying Him not to let me fall from rny horse, and that I would get home all right? The wolves were howling all around me, and I was so afraid the horse might fall down or drag me off his back into the bushes, as I had no saddle to hold on to nothing but a bridle and his mane. I was astride the horse and when he would go into the brush I would take hold of the mane of his neck and ask God not to let a limb hit me to knock me off. I could do nothing but trust God and let the horse have his way. Perhaps you think I was too young to trust, or too young to know how to pray. I thought praying was asking God not to let a limb hit me and knock me off the horse, and to let me get home all right. I thank God I cannot remember the time when I was too young to pray, and, best of all, it was not a form, for I meant it, and God knows I did. As I lifted my heart to God the old horse would pick his way. At last he came to a place and stopped. I did not know what had made him stop, for I could not see. He stood there and snorted, and I knew he did not know what to do. I let him stand, what could I do? He must have stood there ten minutes, and then he turned around and went the way we came a little way and then turned in the same direction he had been going before. I think he must have come to a steep hill or bank where he could not go down. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 23 The rocks were dreadful. He would stumble and almost fall. At last he must have turned a bend in the timber, and there I saw a light in the window. Once my oldest sister and I were out driving the cattle home, with the wolves following a little behind us. We knew we were all right if we did not fall off our horses. We had not driven the cattle very far when all at once my sister's horse made a lunge at one of the cattle when Mary was not ex- pecting it. It threw her off and she hung to the bridle and mane of the horse The moment one of the wolves saw her fall he made for her I knew the old fellow would get her if I did not do something, and the only thing that was left for me to do was to run my horse into the wolf and scream as loud as I could This was done sooner than I can tell you, and the wolf ran away Then I got over on my stomach on the horse and reached down, and Mary reached her foot as far up as she could, and I got hold of it and helped her on ; and again we thanked God for his good- ness to us. Another time my sister and I went to bring the cattle home. We were on foot. We had gotten to where the cattle were when we saw a large Texas steer making through the herd toward us. He was one of those wild steers that had strayed away from his herd and come to ours. We did not see him till he was making for us. In a moment, for we did not have very long to think, we started for a high bank that we had passed a short distance behind us. We had stopped and looked at the bank on our way to the cattle, not thinking that in ten minutes we would be leaping over it. If we had thought of that it would have frightened us almost to death. Well, when we saw that old Texas steer, with horns that looked as if they were four feet long and five feet across from one point to the other (I think I am safe in saying this, though one could hardly believe it if he never saw one), we made for the bank, and not a moment too soon. Over we went, and when we lit we sank into the sand up to our knees. The bank was as high as a two-story house, or perhaps a three-story. If it had not been for the soft, dry sand, the fall would have killed us. We had no more than alighted when the old fellow rushed to the bank. The way he did paw the dust and bellow was some- thing frightful ; and again we both thanked God for our lives ! We went down the creek till we came to a farm-house on the bank of Salt Creek, and there they gave us a horse to drive the Texas steer out of our herd. There is no one that could make me believe that it was not my mother's faithful life and prayers that caused God to hold us in his hand. O, how often I have seen 24 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD mother lift her heart to God in silent prayer in times of danger. I did not realize as I do now the power in trusting and in prayer. One evening father came from Salina late, it being about 9 o'clock. Father told my twin brother, myself and my sister to go into the field and each one get a sheaf of oats for the horses that night. The field was half a mile away and we had to go through the woods to the oat field. I know if father and mother could have realized how we trusted the Lord they would have been amazed. We dared not say we were afraid. When they said go, they meant go regardless of our fears. This one night I am telling you about there were many wolves, and we had seen a large wildcat in the woods almost as large as a coyote. In the night his eyes looked like great balls of fire. Nevertheless we must go. We took hold of each other's hands and lifted our hearts to God. With bated breath and hearts almost standing still we set out. All the way we spoke not a word. Coming back we were filled with terror lest something should take after us. We could not run, for the sheaves of oats were almost as large as we were. Our prayers were, "Lord, do not let the wildcat get us." We got home all right, and thanked God for it. Not long after this father sold his farm and moved over on a stream in the Saline valley. Father named the little creek Dew Drop. I was in my tenth year. The Indians had almost all left the country by this time and gave us but little trouble. My aunt, father's sister, came and made us a visit, and my twin brother went back with her to Steubenville, Ohio, to go to school. He was not strong enough to be a farmer's boy. He being unable to bear the hard work of an early settled farm it devolved upon me, a ten-year-old girl, to almost take charge of the farm. My older brothers had left home. It was not long after this that my father became possessed of the diamond fever and started for South Africa. He never reached there, however, for he was robbed, and was obliged to return on a homeward-bouncl vessel. I had a sister older than myself at home and one two years younger. My oldest sister left home shortly after we moved to this new home. My duties on the farm were various ; milking, cutting hay and shocking wheat, breaking horses for the saddle, plowing, clean- ing out stable and herding cattle the same as a cowboy. Our neighbors hired me to herd their cattle at one dollar per head. I soon had a large number to care for with our own. I have been in the saddle in rain and sunshine, in heat and cold, until my hands were blistered, my body sore from the saddle. Thus passed my girlhood days, hoeing corn, digging potatoes and chopping wood. One day I was in the field harrowing in wheat when two O n O a: OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 25 gentlemen drove up in a buggy at the end of the field. The county road ran along beside our farm. They saw me coming toward them and stopped and waited for me. As I turned to go back one of the men said to me: "My little girl, what are you trying to do?" I told him. He said : "Are you not afraid of getting something in your feet?" I was barefooted. I told him I was not. If I did I stopped and pulled the briar out and went on. I told him my feet were so tough nothing much could hurt them, and from the way he looked at them I think he believed it. He then asked me if I had no father. I told him I had, and then he asked me where he was, and all the time kept looking at my feet. I told him he was in the house reading. He thought it was awful when I told him we all worked like this to help keep the family. He looked at me for a moment and then drove away. The only thing we wore from April to November was a gored slip for a dress. I do not know where mother got the pattern. It has been years since I saw one like it. The cloth was bronze denim, the same as men's overalls are made of. In the winter we wore home- made flannel dresses and mittens and stockings. Our Sunday dresses were calico. We thought we were dressed up when we got a calico dress on. I think I was about eleven years old when there was a church near enough for us to attend. I have no recollection of going to Sunday school till after I left home at fourteen. I do not remember how many months I went to school. My mother taught me to read and spell at home after we moved to Kansas. I was 14 the 28th day of February, and left home in June. I learned to read a little, took a few lessons in arithmetic, up to where twice four is eight and twice twelve are twenty-four. T do not remember taking any lessons in writing. I learned to write after I left home. I will tell you a few of my experiences in these three years. We had no Indians to contend with, but our trials had not come- to an end as Kansas farmers. The dread- fully dry weather set in, but, thank the dear Lord, with it all we had a home of our own and enough >Jio eat, such as it was we had plenty of potatoes and bread and butter and good milk, and after the first garden stuff we had plenty of that. What we raised in the early part of the spring we sold. It always brought a good price. With the fresh milk, the fresh air, and plenty of exercise, we were strong, healthy children, while to-day there are thousands in the world without the necessaries of life, and who, from one year's end to the other, never get one breath of fresh air, and see never a spray of green grass. What a life ! And what kind of men and women will they make? What kind of dispositions can 26 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD they t have? I do not regret the experience of my young life. Though I had no chance for an education, still I have come through better than thousands with an education. I have always had good health. My father was a stern Englishman, and had his faults like all others of the human race. Perhaps in some ways he was worse than others, and in others better. While I speak of my dear father, remember I love him even more now than when I was young, though he had ways I could not understand. He was afraid we would all die in the poorhouse. He was so much like Martha, careful about many things. This made it hard for mother and the children. With it all it taught us to know hard work, and we learned a lesson of economy that has enabled me to have plenty and give to others. As the saying is, "Any fool can earn money, but it takes a wise man to care for the money, and to know how to use it to the best advantage." I think I had a real good father after all. With the dry weather and the grasshoppers it was hard to tell which was the hardest to bear the Indians or the grass- hoppers. They would come and eat everything before them. The prairie fires were dreadful. To or three times we came very near having everything burned barn and house and everything. In one of those awful fires my sister almost lost her life. We would often fight fire all day, not stopping long enough to eat, every child old enough to use a wet rag on a stick or carry a bucket of water being pressed into service. How often have we stopped in those terrible fires, thinking we would have to give up ! Father would say we must not give up. With Jiis determina- tion and skill in managing the fire we were never burned out. When first we would see the fire coming, perhaps we could see nothing but the red on the skies after night. We knew the signs, and for two or three days and nights we would get out and back fire in order to protect our home. At times we came near being burned out, the fire coming on us in one of those high Kansas wind-storms, sometimes jumping our fire guards, which were wide strips of burnt grass. One time the wind was so high it carried sparks which set fire inside the fire guards, and then we had to fight to save our lives. Once when we had been fighting fire all day, the cows got away, and the prairie being burned, they could get nothing to eat, only along where it was wet and the fire could not burn. We lost our hay several times, so that we had not enough for the cattle to eat through the winter, and they lay down and died for the want of something to eat. They would get so poor and weak that we were obliged to help them up when they lay down, for the grasshoppers had come and eaten our wheat, so OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 27 that we had no straw for them. This day that I speak of the cows had wandered so far from home that we could not hear the bell (it was almost dark when we got the best of the fire) and we knew it would not do to let them go. There was no telling where we would find them the next day, as they would keep going, hunting grass, so my oldest sister and I got on horses and started out. We had only two hours of daylight in which to trace them. We could see their tracks plainly in the newly burnt grass, so we lost no time, running the horses as fast as possible. I forget how many miles away we found them. It was dark, and we could only hear a faint sound of the bell by standing perfectly still and listening. The horses knew that we were listening. They would prick up their ears and stop chewing their bits that they, too, might listen. One was an old gray horse, which my father brought from the army. We called him Sam. He could hear better than we could, and when he heard the bell we could do nothing with him. He was determined to go. In the time of the Indian, this same old horse would smell an Indian for one or two miles. He would snort through his nostrils, making a sound like a whistle. When any of the boys would mount him with a gun he was ready to go. He would look on every side to see what they were going to shoot, and when they took aim he would stand perfectly still till the gun was discharged, and then he was as anxious to see what they had killed as they were. We had this old horse the night I speak of, and he heard the bell before we did. It was not long till we could hear the bell, too, and then the time we had ! It was in the dark of the moon, and the smoke and the black, burnt grass intensified the darkness so that we could hardly see our hands before us. We got the bell-cow started toward home and then we waited. From the sound of the bell we could tell that they were on their way home. Our eyes were so sore, from the heat of the fire and the smoke, that we could hardly see. The only way that we could see was to get off our horses as we were climbing a hill, and then the cows would be between us and the sky. One of our oldest neighbors tried to get to my brother's when the fire was still north of the creek. He thought he could make it. The fire jumped the creek and overtook him, and there was nothing left for him to do but lie down with his face to the ground. He did so, and the fire passed over him like a flash, only scorching his hair a little. It was dreadful when the wild fire would come up to a bank, like the Saline river, and with the dry, high grass the lashing, angry flames would leap to the other bank and make its way across the wide bottoms and up the hill, destroying everything in its consuming flames, burning out families, leaving 28 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD them without a thing in the world, and often someone would lose his life. O, how many times we have thanked God for his good- ness. If one had not a great amount of faith he would surely look at it as father did, and think he would die in the poorhouse. There was not even a country poorhouse to die in. The only relief was to get food and clothing from the government, which many did, though we never did. We always managed some way. By the help of God we had plenty. Then there was the awful grass- hopper plague, like in Pharoah's time. At about n o'clock in the morning we could see them, high up in the air, like little shining specks, passing between us and the sun, going south. We watched them, and had made up our minds they were going over, when the wind changed a little from the north to the west, sending them a little to the east. They did not like that, and in two hours they were low enough so that we could see them plainly, and before night they came down like hail. If you had been in the house and not seen, you would have said it was one of the greatest hail storms you were ever in. It was dreadful. My oldest brother, James, hitched up a horse to each end of a wide board and went over some of his ground, raking them into a furrow at the end of his field. Then, with another horse, he plowed them under before they could fly. They would have eaten everything up if they had stayed a few days, but, thank God, before noon the next day the wind came from the north, favorable for them, for they were going south, and up they got and left us. They did a little harm, but not so much as they did a few years after that. I had left home and was in Norton Center, Kan., at that time, farther west, a little town of ten or twelve houses. I was living with a minister and his wife. They had a light, two-horse covered rig which he used in going to dif- ferent appointments. . It was necessary, in the time of those hot Kansas winds, and* in the time of rain when he would not be able to reach a farmhouse, in crossing those divides, to have a covered wagon. I always tended the horses. At the time that the Pharaoh pests came down the minister was not at home. He was in a lit- tle town called Loeta, five miles away. He preached there in the morning and at Norton in the afternoon. The grasshoppers were eating everything before them. It was all the minister could do to get the horses to travel through them. There were several runaways that day. The horses were so friglitened at the grass- hoppers they were frantic. They were so thick on the railroad in places that they would stop the train. It was as though some- one had soaped the wheels and the track. The wheels would OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 2Q go round and round and the train stand still. One would think this was a fish story if he had not seen it. It would seem impossible. We had to make a smoke, as we did in the evening for mosquitoes, to keep the grasshoppers out of the house. They would fly in at the door every time it was opened, and whatever they lit on they would eat holes in. If they lit on the harness they would eat holes in it, and even in the pitchfork handles, till they made the handle rough. I have told this to people and they would hardly believe it. They would laugh as though a thing like that could not be true. Nevertheless, it was. That Sunday afternoon in the little town all went to church grasshoppers or no grasshoppers. You could see women and girls all over the town coming to church with their dresses gathered tightly around them, for I tell you if one of them got under your dress you saw some tall kicking. You could not tell which kicked the hardest, the woman or the grass- hopper. You could see the men giving their pants a pinch below the knee, and sometimes they would get above the knee, and if they did they got pinched the harder till they were helpless. If they got up your dress sleeves there was no other way but to pinch them, and they would always get back at you by leaving a large spot of tobacco juice on the dress sleeve. If you took hold of them or pinched them they would leave two or three drops of juice out of their mouth. We always said they were spitting to- bacco. The meeting was half over when, in a moment, the sun was darkened. We all -knew there was not a cloud in the sky when the meeting began, and we did not know what it meant. Each was looking at the other and then at the preacher, and the preacher at the people till he forgot what he was saying, and the people made a rush for the windows. We had no church ; we held services up stairs in the court house. When we got to the windows and looked out the grasshoppers had gone, for it was they that had cloud- ed the sun. They were so thick that not one ray of sun could get through them. It was as dark as it is before a heavy rain. When we found it was the grasshoppers going away the minister turned the meeting into a praise and song service. The first song we sang was "Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow." I want to tell you there was as happy a lot of people in Norton Center that afternoon as you would find anywhere. Only one more plague will I mention, and that was when I was still home, a year or two before I left. We, everyone, had a siege of those old-time ague chills. If you have them once you will never forget that you had the old-fashioned Kansas chills and fever. When the plague visited our house everyone of us was down at once, not one left to wait upon the others, no one left to 30 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD do the work. Everyone had to be his own nurse or waiter, and we, each one of us, would do what we could at the work. Some of us would be in a high fever while others would shake so hard that the bedstead would tremble, and you could have heard their teeth rattle. Others would suffer great nausea. I had it lighter than any of them, so it was left for me to herd the cattle. I could not go very far from the house the days that I had the chills. I would ride my horse over to the house every two hours to take a big drink of boneset tea, for the chills, or lobelia tea. Those who have had those old time chills know what I mean. Sometimes I would not get back to the herd till up would come the tea I had just drank. Those times will never be forgotten by me. The last winter I was home was a very hard winter. I did almost all the chores, chopping wood for the two stoves and tending the stock. One winter day the wind was blowing and the snow was drifting. It was too cold to snow ; it was only drifting. It was so cold that the cattle were running around trying to get out. Though they had a good shed, they could not keep warm. In some way they got the gate open and we did not miss them till four o'clock in the afternoon. I went and told father the cattle were gone. He thought I had been careless in shutting the gate. I could not make him believe otherwise. I tended the horses and the pigs and the chickens and put the hay around in heaps. I intended, storm or no storm, if father said much, to go and get the cattle. So I went in. My father was very angry and said a little more than I thought he ought to say, so I got on one of the horses and went. My mother said she was afraid I would freeze to death before I could get back. I had some of my father's spunk, and so I went. There was not a soul out, not one. I rode up to the house of John McBride and asked him if he had seen anything of strange cattle. He said there were some running around the barn but they did not stay long. Then I knew they had gone down into the bend of the Saline river. They would not cross the ice, for they were afraid. McBride was a wicked man to swear, and the way he cursed at father for letting me come out in that dreadful storm was awful. McBride tried to get me to stay all night and let the cattle go. I told him I would not. "Well, you can go if you will," he said. "I would not go out a night like this ,for my own mother." I went into the house and got good and warm. He put my horse in the stable, for it was too cold for an animal to stand out. I soon started, thinking we could stand it. I found the cattle where I expected. I ran my horse almost to death before I could get them to face the storm. The blinding snow was dreadful. One could see but a OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 31 short distance before him. At last I got them started. In places the snow was so deep, where it had drifted, that the cattle could not go as fast as I could go on horseback, and when I got up to them I would turn the horse's tail to the wind and wait till the cattle got a half-mile away, and then the horse would go as fast as he could until we overtook them, when he would again turn his tail to the storm. This is the way I did till I reached home. I was about frozen. Mother thought I had frozen to death. She could not stay in the house. She had a coat on and was out in the yard, ready to take the horse when I came up. She was the first one to hear the cattle bawling, and she was the first one at the gate. I do not know how long I was numb with the cold. At last I got to shaking, after mother had rubbed me a long time. I did not get warm that night. I was almost frozen stiff when I got home. I could not pick up the bridle rein. I left the horse and went into the house. I could not forget the way McBride swore. It made me think of the first oath I ever heard. In April, when I was nine years old, a cowboy rode up to the gate and asked father if he had seen any strange cattle. It was a cold, wet day, the rain and wind coming from the north. I remember so well how he looked. The way he swore impressed me, and this is why I remember so well. His horse would not stand still when he tried to mount him. The rain and the wind had chilled the horse, and it made the cowboy angry because he would not stand for him to mount. We all thought that God would surely strike him down. We had the idea, as children, that God would not let anyone live that would take His name in vain. This was my experience until I was fourteen years of age, when an accident happened to me. This changed my whole life. One Sunday my youngest sister and myself mounted two horses, at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, to go after the cows and drive them home. It was raining when we found the cattle. We were two miles from home. We found them in a low gulch. My sister, Ellen, started in ahead of me, as she was riding a young horse that I had lately broke for the saddle. I thought it best to ride an older horse into such a miry place as it was, but not realizing it was so bad. I rode in to drive the cat- tle out, when my horse went down into the mud. He began to jump and flounder around so I was afraid he would fall on me, and I jumped. As I did so the horse fell and fell upon me. He lay there for a moment. I thought he had crushed every bone in my body. I have no doubt he would have done so only the ground was so soft and muddy. As he tried to get his legs out of the mud he had to roll back upon me. As he did I thought he had surely crushed me. Everything turned black, and for a moment all I 32 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD could see was stars. The horse was on his feet, and standing over me. "Ellen," I said, "O, Ellen, what can I do? I am helpless." As I spoke the horse looked around to see where I was, and then, as carefully as a person could, he stepped between my limbs and went out on the bank and stopped. Then I tried to get on my feet, but I could not. I said : "Ellen, my knee is out of place." Ellen started for her horse at once. She had let go and was standing at my side. As she was climbing the bank I tried again to get to my feet. As I did so I heard the bones grind, one against the other. It moved as though it was tied to me. Then I said: "Ellen, my limb is broken." I sank back into the mud to wait, for Ellen had mounted her horse and was going at a rapid speed toward home. It was not long till father came, and brother Marion. He was at home at the time, just recovering from a severe illness from an abscess in his left side that almost cost him his life. As father knelt down and took hold of my knee, he said : "I can put your knee in place and it will be all right, then you can get on a horse and ride home." I said : "Father, my limb is. broken, and I cannot ride on a horse." It was broken half way between the knee ;and the hip. I turned to Ellen, who was standing near, and said : "Ellen, why did you not tell father my limb was broken, for I told you so as you were climbing the bank. Now I must lie here in all this mud and rain till they go back and get the spring wagon and drive away out here." I was crying now, for by this time my limb was paining me. Its sensitiveness was returning. Ellen replied : "Rachel, I did not hear you tell me. All I hard you say was that your knee was out of place, and I did not realize anything till I rode up to the gate and told what happened." She was so frightened she had not heard what I said. Father said to Marion : "Let us put her on my overcoat, and you take hold of two corners and I the other two, and carry her out of this mud; and then you go for the wagon." Marion returned shortly, and laying me on a featherbed, they put me in the bottom of the wagon. I shall never forget what I suffered traveling those two miles. It seemed ten to me. There was no road for over a mile, nothing but rocks and hills, till I thought it was more than I could bear. It was growing late when we reached home. My brother held up one of the hind wheels part of the way home. The doctor lived at Lincoln Center, thirteen miles away. When Marion got to the doctor's office he found he had been called out into the country and had not returned. It was I o'clock that night when the doctor came. My limb had swollen and was very painful. I would not take anything to ease the pain, as I wanted to see the work done myself. The doctor set my limb, but either through ignorance or TO-DAY THE AUTHOR AFTER TWENTY YEARS* WORK IN THE SLUMS OF DENVER OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 33 carelessness, it .was improperly done, and left me a cripple for life. I think it was through ignorance. He did not seem to know how to handle a broken limb. He would take hold of my foot and pull my limb straight, and then, having forgotten something on the stand, would let go and the cords would draw it up in the same position it was when it was broken. I had suffered enough already without suffering from his carelessness. I raised up in bed and said: "Doctor, the next time you take hold of my foot and pull my limb straight, don't let it go, but let my brother hold my foot." He did so with the remark that I was a gritty little girl to sit up in bed and give orders as I did. The bone was broken slant- ing, and the doctor lapped the bone, and now it is an inch and a half shorter than the other limb. If he had not been a poor sur- geon, he would not have left it as he did. Instead of putting my limb in a trough, and putting a weight to my foot, he put four simple slats, one on the top, one on each side, and one on the bottom part of my limb; and when I would go to sleep the nerves and muscles would cause the whole limb to jump up from the bed, and cause me to cry out in the midnight hour, to wake up all in the house. It took twice as long for the bone to knit, being left in this condition. I do not remember how long I lay there. The mattress had moulded under me, and one of the slats fell from under my hip, and I had large bed sores on my hip. They tried to take me up, and as they did I fainted from weakness and the pain in my limb. They would all go out into the field and leave me alone till noon. They would eat their dinner and give me my dinner, set a glass of water on a chair by my bed and leave me till night. When they would come into my room, oh, how I would beg them to rub my foot. It seemed the blood had all stopped in my foot, and that it would surely burst. I had no appe- tite, and it was so hard for me to eat common food. Father had forbidden mother to give me any dainties, but mother watched her chances and gave me things that I could eat. She would rub my foot till she fell asleep ; she was so tired, having worked hard in the field all day. When they raised me from the bed to fix it, great drops of sweat stood on my face from pain. Father would always say: "Rachel, you are going to be a cripple all your life from your own carelessness." I knew I was not to blame, and said : "Father, I will never be a burden on you. I will beg from door to door first." I had not been on my crutches long when I fell on the kitchen floor and hit my limb on the corner of the woodbox, and was again obliged to take to my bed. My limb swelled up and turned blue, till we were afraid something serious would come from the fall. Mother bathed it till the swelling went down, and 3 34 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I was soon on my crutches again. All the work I could do was to wash dishes for mother. I would set my crutches against the wall and stand on one foot. One day father thought if I could help mother, I surely could do chores about the barn, so one day he went to Lincoln Center and brought home some marbles. After sup- per we all went out into the yard to watch Charlie and Ellen and Willie play marbles, and father asked me to play. I thought to please him I would. I held onto my crutches and leaned over on one of them, putting the other on the ground, without touching my foot to the ground. He said if I could play and wash dishes I could do more. He told me to take two buckets of bran, that was already mixed up, out to the cows at the barn. I hooked my thumbs in the bale, and fingers around my crutches, and was com- pelled to stop twice before I got to the barnyard. I managed to get them to the barn all right, I said to myself: "This will be the last till I get well." He followed me out to the barn and said: "You did that all right, come now, and help me top off this stack of hay." He was going to Salina the next day, and he did not like to leave the stack of hay without being topped off, for should it rain, the stack of hay would be spoiled. I thought to myself: "How in the world can I do that?" I had never said "no" to father, and I did not like to now, so I pulled myself up the ladder with most all my weight on my hands. He gave me one crutch to balance myself. I would sink into the hay so it would bend my limb, and I thought before I could get down my limb would break. I threw my crutch and told him if he did not let me down on the ladder I would jump if it broke every bone in my body; so he let me down and said I could if I only thought so. He also said I would never be able to earn my bread ; so that night I made up my mind to leave home. Father was up early in the morning and ready to start to Salina by sunrise. After breakfast I told mother that I intended to go. She said : "My child, what can you do in this world, a cripple?" I replied: "Mother, do you think it could be any worse?" She said: "My child, you'll see." CHAPTER III. ABOUT ten o'clock I put on my sunbonnet and told mother I was going. How little did I know what I was doing going out into the cold and unfriendly world, alone and almost on one foot. Mother went with me to the gate, overcome with grief. I shall never forget the look on her face as she kissed me and said: "Rachel, be a good girl, and I will pray for you." I kissed her, and then left my home, fully determined never to re- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 35 turn. The sun was hot, and the hot winds were blowing in my face. I started for a farm-house two miles away, on my crutches, for I could not yet bear my weight on my foot. I came to the door of Mr. Johnson and rapped. Mrs. Johnson came to the door. "Why, Rachel, what are you doing here?" she asked. I told her I had left home and I wanted work. She said : "Child, what can you do ?" I felt, after that long walk, that I could do nothing. There were large blisters under my arms, almost as large as a hen's egg. I told her if she would let me I could herd the cattle. The boy they had herding the cattle was a strong boy and could work at anything. She said she would see her husband, that he would be home at I o'clock. She gave me my dinner and I waited. When he came she went out to the barn and told him what I wanted. He came in and laughed at me, and said? "Well, Rachel, do you want to be my boy now?" I told him I would like to, if he would let me. He did not decide till he was ready to go back to work, and then he said : "Yes, Rachel, you may be my boy if you want to. You can go out with the herd in the morning." Oh, how happy I was. I tended the cattle till in November, when it was time to turn them into the corn-stalks. Then I did not know what to do. I had money enough to get my winter clothing. My leg was still hurting me. For a month after I started to herd Mr. Johnson's cattle I would take a pillow with me, and put it under my limb, and fasten my crutches to the saddle side. I could not do any hard work. After I was through herding I helped Mrs. Johnson gather her garden. The last day's work in the garden was gathering beans. I went alone to gather them, down in the bend of the river, a half mile from the house. I picked my last bean as the sun was going down. I took my? basket and sat down on the ground and said: "What in this world will I do?" I shall never forget my sad, lonely heart. My desire was so strong I almost could see a closed carriage coming up the road to take me away. Father used 'to read to us children stories about people carrying children away. I do not know why I should feel that way, only that I did not know where to go or what to do. Mrs. Johnson had no work for me in the winter, and I told her I would not stay there unless I had something to do. But she kept the post- office, which gave her an opportunity to find a place for me. I found work at a neighbor's close by. The name was Ball. They had three children. I washed dishes and cared for. the children till spring. My limb still hurt me. Over a month before I left this place I was not able to carry the baby, my limb was so. weak. Not being able to do the work, I left the place and went to my eldest brother's. They had no room for me, for they 36 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD had a large family, and enough to do for without caring for me. The dear Lord surely opened the way for me. It was at my brother's I met the Reverend Mr. Seymore and his wife, and they promised to give me a home for my labor, not by adoption. In the same spring, in June, the Methodist conference sent them west, out to Norton Center. I had a home with them for two years, during which time I tended the cow and horses and cleaned the stable and washed the dishes and scrubbed the floors. It was a nice home, only at times she was real cross and they gave me but little to wear. One day the cow pulled up her picket-pin and went over to the Commercial hotel barn yard, and when I went over to get her the landlady came out and asked me if I was re- lated to the Seymores in any way. I told her I was not. She asked me why I stayed there. I toli them I had no place to go She said : "If you want to, you can come here and work for me, and I will pay you wages." I thanked her and took the cow back to the house and made up my mind the next time she scolded me I would leave. This was Saturday evening. We got along all right till Monday morning, when she told me to take the pies out of the oven. When I did so I let one fall., She gathered a stick of stove-wood and called me a little villain and came toward me. I said : "Mrs. Seymore, if you hit me I will strike back, for I'm the biggest;" and I was, too, for she was a little woman, and I , think she thought the best thing she could do was to let me alone. I told her I would stay no longer. I would leave after dinner. While we were having the trouble Mr. Seymore came in and settled us. I went to unhitch the horses; as he had just driven up. He had come from Leota, one of his appointments. I always cared for the horses. While I was busy with the horses Mrs. Seymore told him that I was going to leave after dinner. It was the last time I ever unhitched horses, even to this day. After din- ner was over I washed the dishes. Mrs. Seymore went into the parlor and Mr. Seymore tried to get me to stay. I told him I would not, so I washed my feet and put on my shoes and stockings, for I always went barefooted except on Sundays. It was the last time I went barefooted. I bundled up my few belongings and went to my new home. It was a little bundle, for I had hardly anything to wear. The landlady was, indeed, a mother to me. Every spare moment she would sit down to her machine and make clothing for me underwear and everything. When I was seventeen years old, she went over to the store and bought me a corset, the 4irst corset I ever owned. I was seventeen years old before I ever owned a worsted dress, and that was fifteen cents a yard. I thought I had just begun to live. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 37 I washed dishes and pared vegetables and tended the baby. And when my limb pained me she would let me rest. She was like a mother to me. Along in the fall of the year they were left with- out a diningroom girl, so they tried to get me to take the dining- room work. I had always lived a life away from everybody. While at the minister's house I was always in the kitchen, or stable, or back yard, and you must know by this it was a cross for me to go from the barnyard to a diningroom which was so public. What made it so hard for me was that I knew I did not know anything. I knew I looked green and ignorant, and I knew everybody knew it at least I thought so. I thought they looked at me that way. The landlady took me into the diningroom and said to the boarders : "This is our new diningroom girl, and I want you all to be good to her, and if she makes a mistake you must overlook it till she learns the work, then everything will be all right." The landlady helped me out at dinner and supper, and it was not long till I became a first-class waitress. I could not be beaten. A long time afterward the boarders would speak of my first two days in the diningroom. I soon realized a truth I never knew before. I began to have admirers, and the truth of the mat- ter was they all talked alike, so sweet, married and single alike. I knew so well I was not sweet, and that something was wrong. And a thing I knew (and I always was on that line and I am now), no one could turn me from it. Thank God for a will of my own. One who can be changed with every influence only makes a failure in this life, man or woman. Before God I do believe I would have been taken in if I had not realized my ignorance all the time, and knew they could not mean what they said. I thought that, being so ignorant, they would be ashamed of me. I could hardly read, 'I could not write, I could not cook a meal, I could not sew. Just put me in a barn and I was all right. I had not been long in the diningroom till I found out that a waitress was not considered much. They were called biscuit-shooters. I learned afterwards that many of the girls had listened to the flattering words of men men who were looking for just such prey and the girls had been their victims. So many of those fine, smooth talkers, who wore good clothes, would get hold of those simple-minded girls who did not stop to think that looks were only skin deep. There never was any temptation for me, for I knew I was a poor, ignorant girl. So many of those girls have no good, Christian mothers to pray for them, as I had, for I knew my mother was praying God to pro- tect her girl. Another thing that helped me was that I was a poor cripple. After I went into the diningroom I saw very plainly that if I 38 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD did not learn to walk without limping I could never learn to be a waiter, so I would walk back and forth on the floor till I learned to bend my knee so it would let me down without limp- ing. If I put a thick sole on my shoe my feet would not make the same sound in walking. I could not walk that way, so I taught myself to walk in letting myself down. It was very tiresome till I learned to walk that way. ' I think my being a cripple helped me to believe that no one cared for me. That is why I give myself more credit for not believing the flattering words of so many who have evil objects. I will tell of one who tried so hard to get me to listen to him. He was a married man, and had a little girl two years old. Oh, the curse that might have come upon him or his children if he had accomplished his fiendish object. The chambermaid of the hotel said one day: "Rachel, let us leave town. It is a dan- gerous place here for you. You may get into some kind of trouble yet if you stay at the hotel." I was only too glad to go. Mollie's brother came into town that afternoon and told Mollie he was going to Hastings, Neb., with a load of wheat. He was to leave town in two hours for his home, and he would stop to see if we made up our minds to go. We talked it over and made up our minds to get ready and go home with him, so we packed our trunks. Mollie had given me one, for I had no trunk of my own. In two hours we were all ready. We stayed all night at her home, and -the next morning we were on our way to Hastings on a load of wheat. We arrived there all right. Mollie's brother was ac- quainted with the landlord of the Commercial hotel, and we went to work the next morning. CHAPTER IV. {WORKED there over a year, when a fire burned out the Commer- cial hotel. I worked in a short-order restaurant for eight months after the fire, when the landlord of the Commercial started a private boarding house, and I went to work for him again. Hastings was a little town, then with one railroad. A few months after another was built through the little town, mak- ing things more lively. I remained there two years, and hearing a good deal of Denver, I determined to start for Colorado. This, also, was a trip across the country in a covered wagon. We ar- rived in Denver in the latter part of July. This was in 1880, and was the last journey in a wagon. We found the Colorado metrop- olis to be a primitive and thinly populated town. The family I came to Denver with were named White. Thev had two children. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 39 We camped near the Union depot, on the banks of the Platte river. I went to work in a large restaurant on the corner of Six- teenth and Blake streets. This street was one of the leading streets of Denver at that time. I only remained there a short time. As I was standing in the door one afternoon looking out a gentleman passed by. He thought he knew me. He turned and came back. I thought I knew him. "Isn't this you, Rachel?" he said. "I never dreamed of seeing you out here." It was the man whom I had worked for in the short-order restaurant. He invited me to call on them and I told him I would the next day. They asked me to go to work for them. I went to work for them the next day. Their name was Turner. There I met Walter Peterson, and was married to him September 13, 1880. I met Mr. Peterson on Mon- day evening and four weeks from that Monday we were married. No one knew of our marriage for two weeks. I told the cook and she could not keep it, and it was not long before everyone in the hotel heard the news. Then I stopped work, only I waited table at meal times till the landlady could get a girl. Mr. Peterson's time had just expired. He had only been out of the army a few months. He was not working. He was lucky in gambling. When I found out he was playing cards I wished him bad luck, and some way or other he could not win another dollar. He was gone all day and all night, and came home the next afternoon and handed me 10 cents, saying it was all the money he had in the world. I told him I was glad of it. Then I replied: "Now go to work." We were still at the hotel. He waited around there a few days, when all at once he disappeared, and no one knew where he had gone. The landlady was having trouble in getting a diningroom girl, and I told her I would go to work again. She was willing I should. I waited table for two weeks, and one evening who should walk in but Mr. Peterson? I was sewing when he came in. Everyone in the hotel was surprised at my taking it so cool. I told them I had suffered and gone through too much for a little thing like that to trouble me.. I had suffered up to the age of eighteen with my broken limb. I was nineteen and a half when I was married. I had never been in love with anyone, and was not a fool in that line at this time. He said: "Well, Rachel, what shall I do?" I replied: "Do as you like." "Well, I guess I'll go to work," he said. He got work in the lumber yard. He did not work long before he made up his mind that it was too hard, and quit work. We were still at the hotel. In a few days he went down to the Union Pacific office and applied for work as a car repairer, and got it. It was not long before they made him foreman of the car inspectors. He held this position almost twelve years, when 40 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD he came out in one of the strikes, and never went back. As I said, we were still at the hotel. It was the spring of 1881. We rented two rooms, furnished them, and lived there a few months, when we bought a little furniture and rented a small house for $15 a month. We lived here only six weeks, when we bought a little house on leased ground and put on a kitchen. A lady stayed with us and did the cooking. I had not learned to cook. A week before we left the hotel a letter, with no name signed to it, came to Mr. Peterson. 1 never knew who wrote it. I think it was the landlady. Her son and I had had a few words. I was justified in what I said. She was evi- dently trying to get even with me. She thought that I ought to take what the boy said and say nothing. In this letter she told him to watch me. I knew before this that he was of a very jealous disposition. We had had a little trouble, but nothing that amounted to anything. He told me his father and two brothers were of a jealous disposition, and he said: "Rachel, I do believe that I am cursed with jealousy." I believe he was, for after we had moved up to our little home I had a croquet ground, and two or three of the girls and boarders would come up from the hotel to play croquet, and through jealousy, he took the set from me. I thought this would break my heart. I said nothing. If I did the people would say: "What is it she does?" I knew, and God knows, I was as innocent of anything wrong as a new-born babe. I thought what a disgrace it would be for anything like that to be known. I could not stand it. Everyone at the hotel would ask, when they met me, if I had been sick. I told them I had not. After we bought the little house, I thought, it being near Mr. t Peterson's work, he would not be like that. Since it was so near ' his work (and he worked nights) he would come up at all times of the night, but this seemed to do no good. He was cursed with this awful jealousy. I could not help thinking he would see for himself and stop. There was a friend of ours and his wife who wanted us to go into the hotel business. We sold out the little house and started the hotel. This was in the fall. We had been married one year. We were there a few months and it was the same old thing. We sold out and bought a house and lot in North Denver. Then we sold the house and lot. While in the hotel I left him. I thought it would make him better. I did not in- tend to leave him for good. This did not seem to make him any different. While we lived on the North Side it was cold weather.. We had trouble, and I left him again and came over in the city, for at this time the place where we lived was almost in the country. He came after me the next day. I told him I would not go back over there. Then we rented two rooms in a house with another OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 4! family. This lady had a son and daughter. Then we bought a restaurant with a partner. We did well. If it had not been for this curse we could have done splendid, but we sold out again and started to keep house. We lived there through the winter, and then we moved up to Twenty-fourth and Larimer streets. This was in the spring of the year. I took a trip home, to Kansas, to see my folks for two weeks, and then returned home. I was so unhappy it seemed there was nothing for me. I loved my home ; no one could love home better than I did. No one could have been happier than I could have been if things had been halfway right. We had been married four years. The first two years I tried so hard to see if I could not break him of his jealousy. The last two years of the four I was almost desperate. I thought to myself, what is the use of living. I had put on my hat and gone to the door and said : "Things can go to the devil. I will not try to live right any longer." With the doorknob in my hand, I said: "No, never, I cannot do that." The blood would chill in my veins at the very thought of things like that. I said: "No, I will not, after twenty- four years ; a cripple and an ignorant girl, I had kept my head above the waves, and I will not go down now. I would die before I would." Ah, it was my own mother's prayers that helped me, and kept me from going to the bottom. It seemed at times I could not bear to live such a life as I was living. I could not see why. May God help and have mercy on the un- happy homes of this world. It is the devil that takes the things of this world and uses them, with our dispositions which we have in- herited, and causes us to make a hell of this world for one another. It was this that made my home a hell on earth, for him and myself. When I married him I did not know his dispo- sition. I did not know one card from another. I did not know what beer tasted like, and to swear I thought an awful thing. A little over two years and I could play cards and drink beer and swear; and I went to balls and card parties. I had attended but one or two balls before I was married. I, being a cripple, could not dance, as my limb was not strong enough at that time. It was not long till I learned to love the ballroom and the card parties. My husband kept at me till he taught me to drink beer. I became fond of the taste, and could drink with him at any time. Still this did not make our home any happier. I do not know where I would have been had it not been for mother's prayers if she had not taught me as she did. It seemed, in my desperate times, when my wicked temper would get the best of me, I was almost ready to kill. I would get so angry it seemed I could almost call brimstone from the other world. Think of it ! Ah, how one can 42 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL . WILD be driven by sin! I knew he was to blame, and that is why I could not see my sins. I knew if things were half-way right I would not be so desperate. It was not my disposition, and God knows it. If the Lord had not reached down his loving hand and saved me, I, perhaps, would be in hell to-day, or in a worse place here on earth. Only God knows where I would have been. I would get so angry I had stood his fault-finding and his mis- trusting me so long and then I tell you things would have to stand around. I would throw a stove-hook, or a dish, or any- thing I could get hold of at him. I have found out since there is more than one man like that in this world plenty of them. Once, when I was beside myself with anger, I threw the chairs into the middle of the floor and wanted him to set fire to them. He would not, and I began curs.ing him. The doors and the win- dows were open, and the neighbors on each side of us heard me and came out to see what was the matter. When I saw them it only made me the more angry, and I turned on them and cursed them as hard as I did my husband. They got into their houses faster than they came out; then I turned on him again, and he got out, too. I knew all the time I did nothing to justify him acting as he did. ;' I knew there was no cause for us living as we did; and when I did get started I stopped for nothing. O, how I could hate! If anyone would have told me I could have 'gotten into a state like that, you could not have made me believe it. I am not alone. There are other unhappy homes. This was the way I lived for four years. I have told you enough to let you know a little of my life before I came to God, then you can understand me as you read this book. When I would think of my unhappy childhood days, my life as a young girl, then my married life; of how I had suffered in body as a cripple, and in heart; of my life out in the world without a friend, not knowing how to do anything except on a farm, not in the house, but in the barnyard and corn- field ; and having no schooling I believe not more than a year. When I was married I could not prepare a meal. I bought a cook- book and it was not long till I could cook everything. I learned to sew by ripping a garment up, pressing it, and cutting another by it. As I said, when I thought of my life, with not one little spot of sunshine as large as my hand anywhere in it, it did seem hard, and more than I could bear. So one morning at 9 o'clock, in one of those trials that I lived in for four years, I was walking the floor, and putting my hands together, I stopped walk- ing, and looking up to Heaven said: "Oh, God, if there is a God, why do I have to live like this? What have I done that I must live in such a hell?" Strange, indeed, that I should ask if there be OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 43 a God, when three times in my life I had had an experience that taught me there is a God. When I was only 7 years old I had a dream. I dreamed I was in heaven. I was afraid, and thought a woman came up to me. 1 dreamed it was God's wife. It all seemed so real to me. She was dressed in black, with a black bonnet. She looked like a Catholic sister. I could not help thinking of my dream the first time I saw a Catholic sister. No one could make me believe that there are no Catholics in heaven, for I know there are, without a doubt. There are good and bad in all churches, but those that believe in Christ have a hope of heaven. When I awoke in the morning I did not wait to dress. I gathered my clothing and down the stairs I went, and into the kitchen to tell mother I was in heaven last night, and dreamed I saw God's wife, and that she gave me some candy. I thought God's wife told me that God loved little children. She told me to come on in and not be afraid. At this time I had never seen a Catholic sister, and did not know there was such in the world. Another time, when I was 9 years old, out on the plains of Kansas, herding my father's cat- tle, the Spirit of the Lord came to me. I did not know it was the influence of the Spirit, for none of us had been to church or Sunday-school, there being none to go to. All we knew was that mother had taught us. When I felt the Spirit it made me feel that I was wicked, and I asked myself: "What have I done that is wicked?" If only men and women would listen to their im- pressions and feelings and respond to them in word and thought, and act upon them as children! That is why God says we must become as little children. If we do not, our conversion is not real. (Matt. 18:3.) It was as easy for me to respond to the feelings that day as it was for me to talk to myself or to my mother. It was speaking to my own feelings, but God made the feelings. The trouble with the people to-day is that they will not have faith. They will not recognize the feelings when they come and talk with God as they would talk one with another. I will tell you how they came to me, and how I talked to them It was i o'clock in the afternoon, in the heat of the day. The cows were lying down and sleeping, and I was sitting on my horse with the reins on the horse's neck. I do not remember what I was thinking about. I know it was not church or heavenly things, and when the Spirit of conviction came over me I did not know that was what it was called. All I knew was that I felt very wicked, as though I had done something wrong. This feeling is conviction ; and it always comes without asking. Then it is when the Lord wants us to talk to him. This was the first time I ever talked 44 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD to God. There are thousands that will not stop to think. I said: "What have I done that is wicked?" Mother had always taught us to tell her the truth in everything. When she knew we could have told her a falsehood and gotten out of a whipping, she would say: "Now, children, you have told me the truth, and I will not punish you." Then she would tell us how God hated liars. I knew it was not that which caused me to feel so wicked. I went back over my life. At last I thought what it was. I believed that it was God who made me think, for I did not know that it was wrong, and I said : "Lord, I did not know that this was wicked, and I want you to forgive me, and I'll never think that way again." How happy I was ! A sweet, peaceful feeling filled my heart. I could not help thinking God had forgiven me, because I was so happy when I promised God I would stop doing wrong. I will tell you what it was. We children thought everyone who did wrong God would kill. None but God's people, and those who did right, would God let live; and when father was cross to mother and would scold us children when we knew we had done nothing- wrong, then we would look for the lightning to strike father. Not that we wanted it to, but we thought that was the way God did with people who did not do right. That was the only thing that came to me that was wrong. This heavenly feeling stayed with me for two weeks and then left me. I did not know then why the sweet feeling left me. I was too young to know. I know now why it was. It was because I did not tell it. I thought if I went to mother as I did about the dre&m she would say, "go along, child," and laugh at me. It is a mistake of too many parents, not to give more attention to the little children., I know she did not think, for a moment, what an impression the dream had upon me, and how it kept me from going to her the time I speak of. I think if I had gone to mother this time she would have listened to me, thinking I knew what I was talking about. I did not, and the feel- ing left me, and I did not think of it till the night before I was converted. Not once did this experience ever enter my mind. One could scarcely believe an experience of that kind could be forgotten. It might not by an older person, but it went out of my life entirely. I was 24 years old at the time of my conver- sion. The winter before I was converted in the fall, I was very sick, and wondered if my time had come. I did not want to die in that way. Not that I was afraid, for I was not. I do not know why I was not afraid, for I was not ready to die. I think if God had intended to take me I would have felt differently ; though wicked as I was, I did not see myself a sinner, and did not fear the judgment. Neither did I think of hell. How could OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 45 I come to God in my blind condition, not knowing that I was a sinner? In this way, with a black heart full of sin, I came and talked with God. Think of it ! I did not ask him to forgive me as a sinner. I only asked him if he would spare my life this time, and not let me die in this way. I would be willing to die any other way, or at any time. It was so much like taking my own life, to die in this way. Ah, he is a merciful Father indeed, to hear the prayer of a wicked soul ; for it was a prayer ; prayer is just asking God, I did not know at the time that I was pray- ing. The doctor thought my time had come. This was the first of February, and the first of April we moved, renting from Brother Ross, whom so many know, on Twenty-fourth and Larimer streets. CHAPTER V. WE rented from a minister. I had little use for ministers, and less for their wives, as it was a minister's wife that caused me to hate religion and Christian people. I thought if they would go to church and sing and pray and talk, and then. (come home and be ugly and cross and hateful, they were no better than I. I know there are times when anyone would be impatient, but it is a poor Christian who is vexed at every little thing. This wife of the minister from whom we rented was a Christian. She begged me for a week to go to church. She asked me to go to the Tabernacle with her. They were holding meetings every night. I said to her : "Mrs. Ross, I cannot go to-night, for I am going to a ball ; but afterwards I will go till you will be tired of going.'*' I thought she would tire, but I found that good Christians did not grow tired of church. I went to the ball that night. We danced till almost morning, and Sunday evening I went to church. Little did I think that was to be my last ball. I went Sunday evening, and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. Mrs. Spalti, the lady who lived on the other side of me, asked me if I would not be a Christian. I told her no, I would not; that I was as good as she or anyone. I told her I paid my debts, and owed not a cent in the world, and that was more than half the Christians could say. "Oh, Rachel," she said, for they all called me Rachel, "good Christians will pay their debts." Then I told her the church must be full of bad ones. I asked her if it was right for Christians to go in debt; that if it was thg Lord would help them pay, and that they never would owe a bill they could not pay, if God was as good as Christians said he was. "Another thing," said I, "I do by others as I wish to be done by, and I'm good to the poor; and you know, Mrs. Spalti, that I would do anything for anyone 46 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD who was sick. Do you do more than that?" Many times we do get into debt when I believe it is displeasing to God. I told her I never would be a Christian ; that I never harmed anybody ; that if I had it in my power to say anything about them, I would say the world is rough enough without me harming them. I felt that I was so honest and square with everyone, that it blinded me from seeing my sin. If there is a heaven I'll go there. I will run my chances with any church-member I ever saw. I could not see why Mrs. Spalti was better than I. It was only the next day that I saw the difference. She was living a life of faith. She had repented of her sins and I had not, How could I repent when I felt that I was not a sinner? She saw she could do nothing with me. I went to church that evening. I stopped and got a lady friend to go with me. I told Annie how they were urging me to be a Christian. I made light of their religion to her. The devil that night helped me to make witty remarks of the testimonies of those who testified. I had drav/n the attention of all those who sat around me. I would not have blamed them if they had put me out. After the meeting was over and we were going down the steps, I said to a lady friend, in a light way: "I believe I would try it if it were not for being -obliged to curse my husband to keep him straight." I said this to shock the Christians ; for I knew half of them were no better than I was. I presume a good many of them thought that night that I was far from the kingdom, but I was not. At 9 o'clock the next morning the Lord came to me. Little did I think of religion that night. My lady friend, Mrs. Ross, Mrs. Spalti, her daughter and I walked home together. They said nothing to me that evening about being a Christian. I bade them good night, and asked Mollie if she would come in awhile. We were sitting at the table eating apple pie when Mollie said: "Rachel, there is a reality in religion." She was a dear, sweet girl, and the innocent way she said it seemed to make me serious, and like a flash the experience I had when I was 9 years old came to me. Perhaps you think I was not surprised.. After fifteen years it was the first time I had ever thought of it. I said: "Mollie, seriously, if I could feel as I did when I was 9 years old I would think there was something in it." Then I told her my experience, and said: "Isn't it strange that it has all come back to me like this?" It was the Spirit. It was all so fresh in my mind that it seemed but a few years since; and here it was a good part of a lifetime to the average man. I bade Mollie good night and went to bed. That night I dreamed I was in a prayer-meeting, testifying. It awakened me and I sat up in bed and said to myself : "If I do OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 47 not stop talking about this thing and stay away from those meet- ings, I will be as crazy as the rest of them." The next morning (I do not remember how the trouble came up) my husband and 1 had a few words. This was the morning that I asked God what I had done, that I must live such a life, and a feeling, or a thought, or an impression, I don't know which, came to me like words, saying: "You don't have to live this way." The words from a person would not have had more effect. Yet there are so many that will not heed feelings and thoughts that come to them, for they come to everyone as they came to me. The only difference, I heeded the feeling, which was God, and I knew that it was he who had caused the feeling, and began to talk to him. I did not drive the thought away, but I gave it earnest heed, knowing that it had come from God. It was only four words, "you don't have to," that came to me in thought, and in a second I lifted my eyes and said: "Lord, I will do anything, if I do not have to live a life like this." We must come to that point where we are willing to do anything, and be enough in earnest to turn from our own ways, with a whole heart. I meant it more than I ever meant anything in my life, when I said, "Lord, I will do anything," and the Lord knew I meant what I said, anfl began to deal with me. The first thing he showed me was my sin. The fact that I realized that I was a sinner convinced me that it was God speaking to me. I did not stop when I realized that I was a sinner before God. If I had, I would not have meant what I said. It would have proved that I was not as tired of my old life as I had thought. But I did mean it. When I said I would do anything, I meant to leave the world, and to let the world know I was going to live a different life. The word "any- thing" meant more than I had any idea it meant. When I said, "Lord, I will do anything," the Lord knew I could not do as I said, if he did not change my heart. He took from me the heart of unbelief, which he calls a heart of stone, and gave me a heart of flesh. God will not do this for us unless we are willing, ana how can we be willing except he show us. The first thought that came to me was, "what have I done?" for I had not wronged anyone. I had always been true and honest with everyone. I had nothing to make right with my husband or anyone. I knew when I was angry enough to swear it was because I was ag- gravated. Dear reader, if you are a Christian, one who has been born again, one who knows your sins are forgiven, you will say with me, you felt that you were a sinner. We are helpless to take one step till we know that we have sinned in some way. If that feeling be deep enough, the Holy Spirit will let something 48 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD come to our minds in a way that we will say, ".Lord, I will stop," and I will do this or that. But if you say, "I will not say one word," or "I will not do anything," believe me, these decisions will shut you out of this life. But you must say, "I will," for this is God's plan, and we must yield to his ways and we will be saved.. Now, may God help me to live this life while I write it in a way that you may know the result of saying, "Lord, I will do anything." When the feeling came that I had done wrong, it meant that it was sin. Oh, if people only would think. When I said I had wronged no one the Spirit said : "It is yourself. You are an enemy to your own souL It is not so much the sin that you have done to others." Then the Holy Spirit began to show me my sins. It came to me that it was wrong to swear. I had always justified myself, before, by saying that it was my husband's fault. And then the cards although I had not played for money, only for pleasure and the ballroom, though they were respectable an 1 the drinking of wine and champagne at those nice, cultured card parties. I thought they were social, and they never seemed to me to be sinful. Then the realization of my sin in not having a' family came to me. I had always justified myself because of my own home being so disagreeable anything but harmony and I said: "I will never raise a family like that." This my husband agreed to. Thus I had justified myself in everything. I was so blind to my sin as everybody is, till the Holy Spirit convicts them for we have all sinned. So far as we know, the young man spoken of in the bible who came to Christ, had not committed any of these sins, yet he had sinned, for God says, "We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Rom. 3:22, 23.) This young man had kept the law, yet he had fallen short in some way, for we can sin in a look or a thought. Matt. 5 128 : "But I say unto you, That whosoever Tooketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." "It was with a thought," I said. While one falls short in one thing, others fall short in something else. Many are going down the broad road, yet they do not know it until the Spirit touches their souls ; and then they can see themselves as sinners. And if the Spirit has not touched your soul already, may he do so while you read this. If not, he will before you die. There has never a soul left this world without feeling himself a sinner before he died. When my sins came to me I said: "Lord, I will stop. I will never go to another ball ; I will not swear again ; I will never touch another glass of beer; I will never play another card. Now, Lord, forgive me, and I will never do so again." This was at nine BURNING THE CARDS OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 49 in the morning. Mr. Peterson had gone to bed, for he was working nights. I felt a satisfaction I could not say that it was a joy. I only felt better because I had done what I felt was right. I went from the diningroom into the kitchen, and as I sat down the thought came to me to burn the cards. What was it that made me think of burning the cards? It was nothing more nor less than the Holy Spirit. Why should these thoughts just happen to come? What caused! them to come? I had no thought of burning the cards. I knew it was the Holy Spirit, because I would never listen to anyone in regard to spiritual things. This power, which was the Spirit, convicted me and caused me to heed, for there was nothing said in the meetings I had attended to impress me. But this power was more impressive than words ; and when it came to me to burn the cards I believed that the devil would not put a thought like that into my mind- I told the Lord I would burn the cards when Mr. Peterson awakened, for the cards were in the dresser drawer, in the room where he was sleeping. We had three decks. Those who play cards know that after they have used them a while they get rough and curl up on the edge, and will not shuffle good ; then we would put them away and get another deck. Every thought that came to me that I knew was good and right, I would answer as if talking to the Lord as though some one had spoken to me. When Mr. Peterson awoke I had dinner ready, and had put up his lunch. I did not say a word to him. about my experience through the day. I had hardly gotten through asking God to forgive me when the mail carrier whistled, and I went to the gate to get the mail. He handed me a large letter, and there was enclosed within it an invitation to a ball, program and all. It was an invitation to the mail carriers' ball. As I looked at it I thought of the good times I would have that winter going to all the grand balls and the nice card parties; and then the thought came: I will; I will go, and then in the spring I will do as I have promised the Lord." Little did I think it was the devil putting these thoughts into my mind. But I learned, as I will tell you later, and then the thought came to me, "You may never feel this way again." I was heeding every thought and feeling that came to me, and as that thought came I was thinking to myself, "Well when I promise anything to a person I always try to be as good as my word." And there I had promised God to live differently, and when the thought came, "You may never feel this way again," there came a fear over me, and I told the Lord then I would do as I had promised. I had only just made up my mind when there was a rap on the kitchen door. I opened the door to the wife of the day foreman of the repair shop. She had just come from Chicago the evening before. She said: 50 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD "Mrs. Peterson, I can stop but a moment as it is near lunch time. I only called to tell you that I had come home; and I want you to come over tomorrow evening to a card party that we are going to have. Do you remember the good time we all had the week before I went to Chicago?" She said: "I have laughed to myself when I thought how earnest you got playing cards." All the time she was talking I was wondering what I would say to her. She bade me good morning, and said, "Do come." I answered: "Mrs. Hergety, I do not know what to say." She said : "Now Mrs. Peterson you know how disappointed I will be if you do not come." I did not know how to answer her. I said, "I know you will," and bade her good morning and shut the door. Then again the thought came, "What will the great circle of friends, who love me and whom I love say and what will they think of me, when they hear what I have done? But friends or no friends, I am going to do what I have promised God." The time came to wake Mr. Peterson, and he ate his dinner and took his lunch ; then I thought of what I had promised God. After the dishes were washed I got the cards and laid them on the kitchen table. O, such a fear came over me with the thought: "How can I go down to the Tabernacle and tell all those people I intend to live a better life, when I was down there the evening before, making fun of them?" I said to myself: "I will go in next door and tell Mrs. Ross what I intend to do." I said : "Mrs. Ross, come in and let me show you what I am about to do." She came in and I showed her the cards on the table and said : "Do you see those cards, I am going to burn them. I promised the Lord I would this morning. I intend to burn them and go forward this evening, but I am so afraid when I get there my heart will fail me. I promised God that I would, and I thought that if you knew what I intended to do I would be ashamed to go back on my word, even though I did fear." I lifted the lid of the stove and put the cards into the fire. Ah, little did I think that with that very act the Lord was going to fill my heart with joy as he did! Oh, how happy in a moment ! My soul was filled ! Before the cards were in ashes I turned to Mrs. Ross and said : "Oh, Mrs. Ross, I do not need you. I feel I could tell the whole world." Do you know why I believe the Lord forgave me when I asked him? It was not because I knew the bible, for I did not, but I said to myself if the Holy Spirit could make me feel I was wicked, the Lord was able to forgive me, and I just believed it. Mrs. Ross and myself and the lady who lived next door started for the Tabernacle. On my way down I stopped for a lady friend, the one who had bought our restaurant. I said: "Annie, come and go to church with me." I did not tell her what I intended to do, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH $1 and when Brother Charlie Uzzell, the one who built the Tabernacle, said, "Those who wish the prayers of the Christian people raise their hands," I did not mind. Then he said: "While all stand and sing, if there is one who wishes to lead a better life, come forward and give your hand to me." Before he got through with the invi- tation I was at the altar. There were several came to me, and I told them I was all right, that I came to let the world know I was going to live a better life. They said nothing more to me. Charlie asked everyone the Lord had forgiven to get off their knees and state what the Lord had done for them. He said: "With the heart we believe unto salvation, and with the mouth confession is made unto righteousness." Charlie had not finished the quotation before I was telling the great congregation what a sinner I had been and how I had burned the cards and how I knew the Lord had forgiven me. There was an old white-haired minister in the audience. He went to Sister Ross and asked her who I was. She told him I was one of her renters and that I was a respectable, worldly woman. "Well," he said, "in all my ministry I never heard a confession like that." I had forgotten all about my friend, and when I looked for her she was gone. Oh, how happy I was all the next day ! Mrs. Spalti's daughter, Molly, and myself sang and she played on the piano. The next evening I went down to my friend Annie's, who had left the church the evening before because I had started to be a Christian. I found her prostrate with a nervous chill. When I went in she said: "I am surprised at you, Rachel, for not telling me you intended to do what you did last night. It gave me such a shock. That is why I am here in this bed tonight, for I did not know that you dreamed of doing such a thing. I though you had really lost your mind. You know the evening before the sport you made of Christian people." I told her as I sat by her bed holding her hand how the Holy Spirit had come to me, and the struggle I had had to do what I did the evening before. I told her that I was praying for her, that she might know as I knew there was a reality in what I did. Before I left her she was con- vinced that my mind was all right. It was not long before she, too, gave her heart to God. When my husband came home "the next morning about half past seven I had breakfast all ready. As he came in, before he put his lunch basket on the table, he said : "Rachel, what in the world is the matter with you?" "Nothing," I replied, not knowing once that my experience showed on my face as it did. "Well, Rachel, I never saw that look on your face before." And I asked: "What kind of a look?" He said: "The expression on your face makes me believe dome one has told you some good news. Now, Rachel, you must tell me what it is, for I know there is 52 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD something." We sat down to breakfast. He could not keep his eyes from me. I thought it would not do to tell him what had hap- pened ; that he would try and dissuade me from going to church. He went to bed, but he could not sleep. He came into the kitchen about eleven o'clock and said : "Rachel, I cannot sleep. You must tell me what has happened." I told him to go on to bed and not bother his mind about me. It was only three or four nights till he changed from night work to day work. I knew then I would have to tell him. It was Sunday evening when he came in. It was about time to go to church. I heard Sister Ross call Sister Spalti. I knew my troubles had begun on a new line and that I could not go that evening, as he would be home. The one who had gotten ready first would call for the others and we would all go down together ; but this evening they knew better than to call for me, for they knew how my husband was, we having talked it over the day before. It was a settled thing that I was to stay at home the month that he was working in the day time, and then make up for the time the next month when he would be away nights. I went ahead and put the supper on the table. While I was thinking how I could bear to stay at home a whole month Sister Spalti and Sister Ross said: "Never mind, just let us pray that the Lord will remove this jealousy that is in his heart." He was jealous of Sister Spalti and Sister Ross, for he thought the old women were putting me up to leave him. It was as bad with the women as it was with the men. If it had only been the men that he was jealous of I could have borne it. One could see it was a perfect mania with him. I had more patience with him, knowing he was a victim of this curse. When I would get angry with him I would say, after our trouble was over? "Poor fellow, he can't help it." "Oh, beware of jealousy, my Lord. It is the green-eyed monster which death makes the meat it feeds on" (Shakespeare). "Jealousy," says Prof. D. G. Jeffers, M. D., Ph. D., "is an accidental passion for which the faculty is indeed inborn. In its noble form and in its noble motives it rises from love. In its lower form it rises from the deepest and darkest pit of Satan." Developed jealousy rises either from weak- ness, which, from a sense of its own want of lovable faculties is not convinced of being sure of its course, or from distrust, which thinks the beloved person capable of infidelity. Sometimes all these motives may act together. The noblest jealousy, if the term is appropriate, is a sort of ambition or pride of the loving person, who feels it an insult for another to assume it possible to supplant his love, or it may be a high degree of devotion which sees a declar- ation of its objects in the foreign invasion, as it were, of his own altar. Jealousy is always a sign that a little more wisdom might OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 53 adorn the individual without harm. The lowest species of jealousy is a sort of avarice or envy which, without being capable of love, at least wishes to possess the object of its jealousy alone by assuming a soft of proprietary right over the other. This jealousy, which might be called the satanic, is generally to be found with old, withered up husbands whom the devil has prompted to marry young women, and who forthwith go to consult some old witch or fortune-teller, who will see in her cards a diamond king, or heart king, or an. ace or club king or spade king, with the ace of hearts behind, and who then tells a jealous husband to look out. In my work during the last fifteen years I have not only found this often among the old, but I have found it also among the young, both in the high and the low classes. They usually are no longer capable of any feeling that could be called love. They are as ? a rule heartless house-tyrants, in constant dread that someone may admire or appreciate his unfortunate slave. Jealousy is often more the result of wrong conditions, which cause uncongenial unions, and which, through moral corruption, artificially create 'distrust, than a neces- sary accompaniment of love. It is generally known that those who are affected with this awful malady are those one might call libertines. I personally know a number of married men who, if you would call them libertines, would take it as one of the greatest insults, and yet they do not and cannot believe in the purity of woman. They go so far as to say it is contrary to nature. It has been well said that a libertine cannot believe in the loyalty of a faithful wife. Oh, how my heart has been wrung to find these awful wicked thoughts and lives among the upper classes where they have money and refinement to -enable them and help them, yet lock this grim monster in their closet, grit their teeth and clinch their fists and say : "You stay there, and I will feed you with my wicked thoughts, and those nude pictures and lustful deeds." Finally they do not believe there is one pure woman other than their mother, and it has become a custom for them to say so. I know if they had that purity in their hearts they believe is there, they would think other mothers were as pure as their own. I am sorry to say there is too much of this carnal mind among the church members today. Jealousy always shows a lack of sufficient confidence, and instead of being diminished after marriage is liable to increase until, by the aid of the imagination and wrong interpretation, the home is made a hell and little of the grace of God therein, where a divorce is the ultimate necessity. Let it be remembered that there can be no true love without perfect and absolute confidence. Well, as I said, the sisters told me to pray and I was praying in my heart as I put the dinner on the table, almost forgetting who 54 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD was present, when he said: "What is the matter now? You look like you hadn't a friend on earth." By this time I had dinner ready. I turned around, facing him, and looking him straight in the eye, I said : "Mr. Peterson, I am a Christian. I have giveri my heart to God, and from this on* if I have to go through fire and blood, I will be a Christian. I have been through the fire and at times I thought I would have to go throught' blood. In those dark hours I have taken my case to one who shed his blood upon Calvary, and he has given me the assurance that he will protect me." As I stood there looking him in the face he turned as white as a corpse. Finally he said : "Rachel, I knew there was something, and that is it, is it? Why do you look as you do now?" I replied: "Did you hear Sister Ross call Sister Spalti ? They meet out on the corner and go together to church, and I have been going with them, but now you are home. And you know how funny you are. It does not make any difference, though. I'll be a Christian if I never go to church again." He stood looking at me in a dazed sort of way and then said: "Rachel, if you had said so4n time you might have gone. It is too late now, but never mind, you can go tomorrow night." I had already told him we had been going every night. I had been praying all the time since I had been converted that the Lord would change him and make him a different man, so that I could be a Christian. I went almost every evening all through the month. By this time my trouble had begun on a different line. Brother Charlie Uzzell started a converts' prayer meeting an hour before preaching time. Every one of us had to take part whether we wished to or not. He would call on us to pray and tes- tify. Oh, my heart goes out to a young convert. What a struggle it is. I sometimes think it was harder for me than for anyone else I ever saw. I could not pray. I did not know the first thing about the language of prayer. I did not know how to put words together; I had made such a failure the evening before in the prayer meeting that the next morning I was crying about it, and Mr. Peterson wanted to know what was the matter, 'and he asked me why I did not get a book and learn to pray. But I did not know what to ask for. Mrs. R told me there was none except the Catholic and Epis- copal prayer books, so Mr. Peterson went down and got me an Episcopal prayer book. I read the book through, and saw at once I could not learn the prayers by heart without everyone knowing they were Episcopal prayers. I did not know what to do. At last I thought of a plan. I took two or three lines out of one prayer, and then two or three lines out of another and put them together till I finally had a good prayer, and then I learned it by heart. Afterwards I told Sister Ross and Sister Spalti I had OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 55 learned a prayer, and knew I was all right now. Old Christians were not allowed to come into the meeting of the younger converts. It would bother them so. Brother Charlie would lead the meeting and he saw that everyone took a part. I thought if I did make a mistake Sisters Ross and Spalti would not hear me, and that I would soon learn. When it came my turn to take part I was afraid to attempt the prayer, for I had worked myself up into such a state that my head was aching and my heart failed me on the prayer. I went over to Brother Uzzell and told him while they were singing that I had a headache and did not feel like taking part in the meeting. He smiled and said it was all right, pray. I felt the cold perspiration start out upon me. I did not know fce was going to call on me, or I could have fled, ft was so unexpected I forgot my prayer, and again it was a failure nothing but poor broken sentences. I cried myself to sleep that night, hoping the next evening I would be on my guard. The next evening I felt good. I was sure I could pray this time, so when my turn came (it always bothered me if I thought anyone could look in my face when I was praying) I got down behind the chair and forgot my prayer in thinking how I could hide my face and another time I failed. I tried to comfort myself by thinking I would try and not think so much of my face the next time, but the next evening was no better. My heart was almost broke. I could not eat or sleep, or do hardly anything about the house. In fact my neighbors were bothered very much about me, and some of my * friends thought I was surely losing my mind. Mr. Peterson did not know what to think of me, and I did not know what to think of myself. Things had indeed become serious. It was now four weeks and I had not learned to testify. I have been compelled to hold to the back of a chair in order to stand. My limbs would tremble under me and a lump would come up in my throat so big I thought it would choke me. The book I shall always keep. As I would start for home after church I would take Sister Spalti's arm and say to her : "I do not belive I will ever learn to pray and talk." She would always say to me : "Rachel, you will ; you keep right on, for the time will come when the fear will leave you." The way I felt then I could not see how it could ever leave me. Still, I would not give up. I would reason with myself like this : "Why is it when I am in the ; ball room I am not afraid? I know at first I was timid a few times, but two or three got around me, and they would encourage me and help me till the fear soon left." I knew Sister Spalti and Sister Ross and Brother Uzzell would try to en- courage me, and tell me never to give up, but I would ask myself: "Why can I not be as good a Christian if I do not talk." Yet 56 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD when I went to a ball or party or a picnic I was the noisiest one in the crowd, and I thought if I could take part in worldly things, why could I not in Christian gatherings? I was in an awful state by the time I got things all fixed up in my mind, still I was deter- mined not to give up, so one evening Sister Gray came to me and asked me what answer would I give anyone who would ask me how I knew there was a God, for we had never seen him, and how could I answer in a way they would understand? I said: "Sister Gray, you know I am not long on the way and so you must give me a little time and I will pray and see if there will anything come to me." I thought: "Well, I will not be afraid to talk with her, if I am in a prayer meeting." I was already telling everybody how I was converted, still I could not get up in church without fear and trembling. I wondered why Sister Gray should ask me this question, and why she had not gone to an older Christian. It was not long till God gave me the answer. It was Friday afternoon. It had been four weeks since I had been converted, and Annie, this friend of mine, who had bought our restaurant, came up that afternoon and told me that ten of my boarders were coming to hear me talk. Here I was unable to sav half a dozen words. I would almost choke getting them spoken, and then to be told that ten of my boarders were coming to hear me ! They knew I could talk, and what would they think to hear me now? I could not express myself, for I could not find the words or thoughts to do it with. They would think I had a poor religion if I could not tell them about it. "Oh, Annie, what will I do !" I exclaimed. The burden seemed to get ten times greater than I thought I could bear. I am now in my fortieth year, and I have learned we get nothing only by ex- perience in this would nothing valuable without trials and self- denial and sacrifice. If this be what we may expect here in this world, how much more should we expect it when it comes to spiritual things? I want the best. In order to have the best, I expect to pay the price. I do not ask it of my Father "without price." I am willing to do my part. It is natural if we desire anything of this world to do all we can, whether it amounts to anything or not. If we can do nothing but wish and long and fret and lose sleep and talk about it, and bother everyone we meet, making ourselves miserable and everyone connected with us, it seems we cannot help it. Why? Because we want something. I wanted something, and that was the ability to talk and pray, and to find words to make my happy experience plain to everyone. I wanted this more than anything in this world. I do not remember the time when I was burdened as I was then. After Annie had gone, I sat down alone and wondered what I should do. The thought came OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 57 to me : "Stay at home." "Yes." I said to myself ; "I could do that, but would that be right to run away like that?" Then this thought came to me: "No one would know why you staid at home." What was it that caused these thoughts? Someone will say it was per- fectly natural you should think that way, and that is why you did. Now, I want to ask you, if that be natural, then is nature right? You know that would not be right, and God made all nature right. It was the devil taking advantage of my weak human nature, for human nature is weak, and it would have been weak for me to run away from what I knew was right. Then what was it that urged me to do wrong, that caused this feeling? I knew I had been for- given, still there was always something to stop me from telling what I did know. I want to ask, what was this? It was not me. God knows that I wanted to tell everybody ; that my heart was so full I wanted to do anything rather than keep still. Now, reason tells me there was something wrong ; that this did not happen so, or come by chance, no more than the house I live in came by chance. There had been strength, wisdom and power used in building the house, and a reason why the house was built, and an object also. Now, tell me why those feelings should come to me as they did if there were no object. I did not want it then, and would have done anything if I could have kept those feelings and thoughts from me. Though you may not be a Christian, and may not have had this change, yet I ask you if you do not think there was something wrong. At the time I myself thought it was my own feelings, but what caused my feelings I was unable to recognize. I was ignorant, in the influence pf the good and evil, of God and the Devil. I found out that it was nothing but the influence of the devil that caused those feelings, and that they were not natural. I knew that I ought to go to the prayer meeting that night and tell those boarders what I believed as near as I could ; that my religion was real. I was determined, regardless of fear, to go. I said I would, even if I could say but one word to help them to understand. I had already had the experience. Without experience we are unable to say much, and we know less than we say on the subject, except we have experience. I dressed myself for the meeting, and all the time I was asking God to help me to talk, to give me words to show everyone who was in the darkness that there was a reality in the experience I had had. I was so anxious, I was listening to every feeling and thought and impression that would come to me. Sister Ross and Sister Spalti came in, and I was telling them what a time I was having, and that I had made up my mind, blunders or no blunders, never to give up. By this time we were ready to go. My heart was still so heavy I was praying, for you might know 58 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I was, for when I got to the gate the thought carne to me to go back and pray. Well, I knew it was. not a thought of mine. I knew I was not thinking of such a thing as going back. Then my reason told me it was the Lord. I had told him four weeks ago that I would do anything, and that there was nothing left for me to do but go back, if I kept my word. Now, dear reader, this is being led by the Spirit. I did not know at the time that this was what was called being led by the Spirit, and how few of the young converts understand what it means, and how necessary it is to know how to be led. Now, dear young convert, listen to what I say, and then it will enable you to act upon the leading of the Spirit. This is his plan, and it cannot be changed. We must be led by the Spirit. When the thought came to me to go back and pray, I did not tell the two sisters what had come to me. I simply said "I must go back," and for them to go on, and I would overtake them. I went to my bedroom and knelt and said the very same thing that I had been saying for four weeks, "Lord, help me to talk and pray." It was all I asked for. Of course I thanked him for what I had already received, but I had just got enough to want more. You may ask why he did not answer my prayer before, and why I could not pray going to church. That was not his way, and he will have his way. If his way had been our way, we would not know how to be led by the Spirit. Another thing, if his way was our way, or some other way, there would be no need of those faculties. We have to know there is a difference between his way and ours. There would be no need of obedience if we had our way. We are his children, and we must learn to obey Him and do His way, for there is more difference between His way and our way than there is between an earthly parent's way and the child's way. That is why God says our ways are not his ways. (Is- 55:8, 9-) As I was praying the same prayer that I had been praying, all at once those words came to me : "According to your faith be it unto you." (Matt. 9:29.) I did not know those words were in the bible. Believe me, I had never heard those words read or spoken, and they came to me as plain as though I knew them by heart. As you read my experience for forty years, read it carefully, you cannot help seeing how necessary it is, and how reasonable it is, for us to be led by the Spirit. The moment those words came to me I sprang to my feet and said : "Lord, I do believe, or I would not have been asking you." The trouble was, I had been asking him, and I had not told him I believed that he had granted what I had been asking. I had faith enough to ask, but not faith enough to believe I had received what I had asked for, and I had not obeyed far OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 59 enough or yielded myself, for the thought had not come yet, and when it did come, I said : "Lord, I will go back and pray." That was obedience, and being led at the same time by the thoughts that came to me, which was the Spirit. You cannot help seeing that my going back was obedience and faith. Do you not see also that faith and obedience, and being led by the Spirit, were what made it possible for me to believe when the Spirit brought that scripture to me? Can you not see if I had not done what the Spirit led me to do I never would have received the faith, for God never would have given it to me only through obedience. This is why I am writing my experience, of how God has led me all these fifteen years, step by step, as I would listen to the leading and obey. As I said, I do believe it was not the act of the will now. The will had done its part when I said I will come back, so you see faith is not the act of the will, but conies through obedience. We cannot receive faith at will. Now, do you see, by obedience I had the strength to take God at his word. I did not ask how it was coming. I just believed and went. It was no credit to me, for God had given me the strength to believe, and this strength came through obedience and faith. Little did I think he was going to fill my mind with such thoughts. Remem- ber, now, I told you that I was already strong, and how I got the strength, and when the thoughts came I was ready to tell them, because strength had driven away fear and weakness, and I got this victory by just going back from the gate. As you can plainly see, being led, and obedience, is the secret. There was not one in the meeting who could help seeing that I had gained the' victory, for they all knew what a time I had, for I had no time to go to Moody' s school, or take up any course of study. It was at this meeting that the answer came to Sister Gray's question, and I said to Sister Gray: "I believe I can answer the question you asked me the other day. If you shut yourself up in the house, close the windows and put something in the key- hole so you cannot feel the wind blow, you can look out of the window and see the effects of the wind, from the dust and the trees, but you cannot feel it, and still you know the wind is blowing, which causes the dust. It does not come by chance; there is a power that causes it, and by seeing it you could not help but believe it, though you could not feel or even see it. You could only see the effects. So it is with the sinner. He shuts himself up in the house of unbelief, for he is already in this house till God shows him the way out. I have told you the way I came out, and that is the way you will have to come, through repentance, faith and belief in the Lord Jesus Christ. There is only one way, 60 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD and that is this way, and he will say unto you, as he said unto Nicodemus : 'Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God/ (John 3:3.) And he will say, 'I cannot see/ and down comes the window. He will not be willing to talk to you or believe what you say, but he must see. 'Because I cannot see/ he says, 'I will not listen/ He will even stop up the key- hole of his ear so he cannot hear, and you will find they are always in a hurry. They have no time to listen, and if they do it is be- cause it would be impolite to do otherwise. He soon forgets what has been said. He will not stop to think, for his mind is filled with the things of this world of business and pleasure. I ask what feeling can a sinner have who is absorbed with pleasures and business? Oh, sinner, lift up the windows and come out into the beautiful sunlight of God's love ! While you are in the house of sin you can only see the effects of the power of God in us, as you can see the effect of the wind. The Spirit of God is to be felt and not seen. He compares his Spirit with the wind. As the saying is, seeing is believing, but feeling is the naked truth. You see enough of the power of God and of his love, as you have already seen the power of the wind. Step out into the sunlight ^and you will feel what we 'do and what our dear old mother has taught you." Then I sat down. They started a song, and the deacons of the church came up to me, and Brother Uzzell took my hand and said : "Sister Peterson, you are called to preach the gospel." It is no wonder they felt as they did, for a tongue-tied person like me to get up and talk fifteen minutes, and the change all to take place in twenty-four hours. The boarders went away satis- fied there was something in my religion, though they did not know what. My friends said I would soon get over it, and be back with my large circle of friends. "She will not stick," they said. "She loves the pleasures of the world and society too well to hold out." Well, it is fifteen years, and I have not given uo vet. Some gave me six weeks, some three months. Brother Charlie came to me after the meeting and said : "Sister Peterson, God has called you to preach." I could not comprehend such a possibility. I was ig- norant. I had no education. On my way home that evening it seemed to me I was not walking. I was as light as a feather. It was 10 o'clock when I went to bed. I was so happy I could not sleep. It was the month Mr. Peterson was working nights, and there was not a soul in the house but me, but the thought came to me as plain as words: "Is your-lamp trimmed and burning?" I said, "Yes, Lord," for I began to talk with the Lord at every thought or feeling or impression that came to me. I had learned OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 6l before this the secret of success a close study of God's word. At that time I knew very little of the Bible, and what I did read I did not understand very well. I almost went wholly by those leadings. As you must understand I used the clear knowledge that God gives every one of right and wrong, for every one of us is born into the world with that light. John I :g: "That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world." That is why the Lord has left us without an excuse. The time does come when we can see and know and understand God's word. Again those words came to me, and in a moment again they came : "Is your lamp trimmed and burning?" I could not understand what it meant, coming three different times. The third time I sat up in bed and said : "Lord, you know my lamp is trimmed and burn- ing; that my sins are forgiven, and that I am your child." I would not give a cent for a Father or a Savior that we could not com- mune with outside of the word of God. We cannot live a spiritual life without the bible, but think of it, what would I have done if it had not been for the leading of the Spirit, since I knew so lit- tle of the bible. There are so many people trying to live Christian lives without the Spirit, and trying to read the bible without the Spirit, when God tells us that the letter killeth and the Spirit maketh alive. The word of God will kill us, for it is a sure weapon. It will kill us to our own way if we will only hearken to it. There are so few who are willing to die in a spiritual way. The way is always to be contrary to our own selfish and natural wav. We cannot trust to nature, for our natures are dependent. So we must die daily, as St. Paul said. By the time those words came to me the third time it must have been about 12 o'clock. As I sat up in bed the thought or feeling came to me. Getting up and sitting: down on the edge of the bed, I said : "Lord, what do you want me to get up for ?" I did so, and when I sat down there came a gentle breeze like the breeze from one fanning themselves gently. I looked around and saw the windows were shut, and I wondered where the wind came from. Such a strange feeling swept over me, such as you feel when you take something to put you to sleep that drifting sen- sation. Then I realized that it was the spirit of the Lord, as plain as I ever did in all the four weeks ; so plainly I seemed to drift away somewhere. Then in my drifting I stopped, just as one would stop running. As my feelings stopped drifting the same words came to me: "Is your lamp trimmed and burning?" As I was about to answer, I said, "Yes, Lord," and in a second I saw these words. They were stamped upon my memory. The Lord took me into this trance when I got the victory for liberty to pray and talk, and I have never lacked for words from 62 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD that day to this. I am so glad that I am able to write these words for my loved ones to read after I have gone on to receive my re- ward. These are the words I saw: "My lamp is trimmed and burning. My sail is set, and I am ready to sail over the troubled waves of this life and anchor by and by. I do not intend to lin- ger along the pathway nor sink beneath the dark, rolling waves of sin, but my faith will carry me safely over and I will anchor by and by." When I came to the last word I felt like one who had been in a deep sleep. As I was drifting back the same way there seemed to be a trumpet put to my ear, and with a loud voice something said : "You go and tell the people to get ready to die. You go and tell the people to get ready for the judgment." These words impressed me so when I heard them I sprang to my feet, and said aloud, just as if I were speaking to some one: "There is no one to go to, Lord, for it is midnight." Several very spiritual Christians have told me that if I had obeyed, the Lord would have plainly show me what he wanted me to do. I know what he wanted me to do, and I have tried from that night till now to do all I could, to get everyone to live a Christian life. The Lord has blessed my labors wonderfully. I led a few converts' meetings in January and February, but was sick all through the summer, though I studied my bible, and in October, the 2pth day, my little girl, Ruby, was born. She was baptized in April by Charlie Uzzell, who shortly afterwards went to Chicago, his health failing him here. A year had gone by and still those words kept ringing in my ear: "Go tell the people to get ready to die." It came so plainly to me to leave home and husband and everything and go. This was the next day after the trance, and this is what came to stop me: "The idea of you, so ignorant, so unlearned you know nothing the idea of your going and telling the people to get ready for the judgment when you can hardly read or write." Then I would plead with God, and hold up before him my ignorance, still it did not deaden the sound. Like the ringing of a church bell, it said : "Go ! go ! go ! Tell the people, tell the people !" Dear reader, you do not know what I have suffered for not going. Only God alone knows. It is too bad that it takes us so long to learn to obey God's calling. I have thought of Brother Charlie's words, and I would tell him I had not sufficient education to preach the gospel. It was just one thing that kept me from doing the will of God ignorance. It only takes one thing to keep us out of heaven, one little sin that we will not give up, and it takes just one sin to send us to hell. As the Lord tells us : "One thing thou lackest." OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 63 CHAPTER VI. WHEN my little girl was three months old she took a dreadful cold, which developed into bronchitis. She was seven years old before I could see that the child was getting any better. At this time the dreadful disease, together with giving her so much medicine, brought on indigestion. This, with her teething, made the doctors think it impossible for her to live. Night after night I watched over her, thinking perhaps each night would be the last, till our doctor bill was more than our grocery bill. There was a young girl stopping with us who helped me with my sick baby. This was while we were still living on Larimer street, but we had moved next door to Mrs. Spalti's, as she was undergoing an operation, and I cared for her home that winter. In the spring Mr. Peterson wanted to moveinto a place by ourselves. I was so tired of paying rent I wanted him to buy a home. Mr. Peterson would not consent. I told him I would not leave there till he bought a home. We bought a place on Lafayette street the last of February, but did not move till the first of March. We paid $300 down on the house and $20 monthly till our home was paid for. Our number is 3519, and we have lived there ever since. In April my child was taken with measles, and together with the bronchial trouble, we were afraid we would lose her. I prayed the Lord to spare her to me, promising that when she was old enough I would preach the gospel. This was my baby's second summer, and still these words would come to me, "woe be unto me if I preach not the gospel," as it was with Paul (i Cor. 9:16). I do believe the Lord would have taken my child, only he knew that I meant to keep my promise. Two or three times every month I would have to poultice her and put cotton batting jackets on her. I did this for five winters. The sixth winter I could see that she was a little better. In the fall of the seventh year Sister With came up to the house and told me she believed she knew a doctor who could cure my little girl. As we were on the way to the doctor's the impres- sion came to me that it would do no good. I thought it came because I had taken her to every doctor that made the throat a specialty, and still Sister With insisted. The doctor examined her throat and prescribed som6 medicine. The next day the impression would come to me all day that the medicine would do her no good, and then for the first time since she had been sick God gave me the faith to believe that he would heal her. My family physician told me that medicine would do her no good, that she would have to 64 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD outgrow it, and if not it would become chronic. He refused to do anything, for he said it was useless, and I said : "Lord, I will give up doctors and trust you." It was strange that all these six or seven years I could not have the faith. The only reason I know is that it was not God's time. During those six years she had this bronchial trouble all the time. With her teething she had spasms of the stomach, and in those six years she also had measles, chicken- pox, scarlet fever, an abscess and a stiff knee, brought on by a fall, which caused her to suffer for three months. As the Lord had tried my patience along those lines till I believed patience had its perfect work and he saw fit to deliver me. During three of those years I did but little for the Lord. One Saturday evening in February, when Ruby was in her fourth year, I was bathing her and talking to the Lord, and I told him if I knew of anyone I could get to stay with my little girl I would begin to give my time to his work, for he had spared her, and I felt that I must fulfill my promise to him. We were not a^le to pay anyone, for we were paying for our home and the expenses of the sick child. The Lord knew that he must open some way if I did the work I had promised to do. By this time I had her ready for bed. As I was holding her on one arm and turning down the covers to put, her to bed, about 8 o'clock in the evening, little did I think the Lord was going to manifest himself to me as he did. I do not believe he would have done so only he knew my heart was almost broken, for he knew I did want to do what I had promised. As I was putting her in bed these words came to me: "If the earth should shake, would you forsake?" As I told you before, I always listened to every im- pression, no matter where I was or what I was doing, and when that thought came to me I said : "Lord, you know I will not forsake you. Have you not tried me all these three years, and above all, have I not been passing through deep waters during the last two weeks?" And he knew what I meant, for I had been telling him for two weeks that I couldn't do anything for him, for Mr. Peter- son was not willing, and when I came to that place where I said, "Lord, I will whether I can see my way out or not" (and it was suffering that brought me to this place), the same feeling came over me that did the Friday four weeks after I was converted, and in a moment I covered the baby and sat down on the bed, and I drifted away, as I told you I did on that Friday night. As I stopped drifting the same words were asked me again : "If the earth shook, would you forsake?" and as I went to answer I saw these words, which were so indelibly stamped on my mind, it is easy for me to repeat them. Passing through this deep water of sorrow started the work of sanctification in my heart, and seeing these words OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 65 gave me courage and strength. These were the words: "If the earth should shake, I'll never, no never, forsake." I have sought for peace and comfort in all this world's pleasures. The farther I went the darker it grew. It was there the Savior spoke peace to my soul. Then why can I not say: "If the earth should shake, I'll never, no never, forsake?" It was there he took my feet from out the mire and clay and placed them upon the rock of ages. By his grace I'll stand, though the earth should shake. I will never, no never, forsake. Since these two experiences I cannot help believing in trances, and in hearing and seeing, as people did of old. As I said, this was the beginning of the work of sanctification. I made this con- secration and then walked in the light of it. This was on Wednes- day evening at prayer-meeting when I told the Lord I would do or say anything as he led me. He knew that I knew how to be led by the Spirit, for he had given me the Spirit four weeks after I was converted. He took me at my word. On the way home that evening I was telling him about my ugly temper, and how I would give way to it at every little thing and say hateful words, and in this Wednesday evening prayer meeting I told them that I knew I had been forgiven, and that he had given me his Spirit, and yet I felt I was such a poor Christian. When I would pray the thought would come to me : "You are a nice Christian, getting angry all the time." Or "nervous," as some call it . The devil would rather have us give it that name, for it does not sound quite so bad. Every time I would go to the sick-bed to kneel down and pray this thought would come : "You are a nice Christian to pray for the sick." I thought at the time it was the devil, but since I am convinced that it was the Spirit of the Lord. If it had been the evil one he^ would no have let me be bothered. I told them in my testimony that I wanted a religion that would keep me at the washtub or anywhere, as it did in the prayer meeting. After the meeting a lady came to me, who had been a Christian for years, and told me I would always have that temper ; that I need not mind that ; that I could not help it. I told her I wanted a religion that would keep me as sweet at home as I was there, and I would never be satisfied till I had it. "Yes," she said, "it would be nice to have that kind of religion." I could not keep it out of my mind. To think that I must go on like this all through the years; that every time I prayed for anyone this must come up : You are a nice Christian. I had borne with my temper so long that I hated myself. I was dissatisfied with myself, not with the religion I had, for I would not give that up; but I felt I did not have enough to keep me. Every time I became angry I was sorry afterwards, and I knew I should be or I would 66 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD not feel so. I knew God was able to take the things that were wrong out of one's life. This was my consecration : "Lord, help me in this, and I will do anything." The Lord took me at my word, and on my way home, at Twentieth and Larimer streets, some one called my name, and said: "Is that you?" I said: "Yes, Brother M ." He had gotten away from the Lord and was drinking. He could not walk straight when he came up to me, took my arm, and wanted me to take the car and ride home. I was ashamed to get in the car with him, he was so drunk, so we walked up together, over a mile. When we came to his house I bade him good night, for I had six more blocks to walk. I told him I would be down in the morning to see his wife. He had promised me he would stop drinking and be a Christian. As soon as my work was done the next morning I went second door and asked Sister G . if she would care for Ruby till I returned. She agreed, and I went on my mis- sion. It was the first drunkard's home I ever saw and what a home! The window-lights were broken, and the mother and three children had rags stuffed in the windows to keep out the cold. She knew who I was, for she had seen me at the Tabernacle. I asked her if her .husband had told her of meeting me. I told her I had come to get her to go to church. She said there was no need of trying, that he would not stop drinking. When I was ready to go I said: "Let us pray, Sister M ." Before we prayed I could not get her to say she would go to church. She said I could come and get him to go if he would, but there was no use for her to try to be a Christian with him drinking as he was. After we prayed, she said: "Perhaps I. will go." I could see she felt better. Her husband had promised her he would not drink any that day. I told her I would come for her to go to church that evening. I stopped for them a little early, and he was not at home. Sister M said: "I am sure he is drinking, or he would be here." I said: "The Lord surely will answer prayer." Still she would not go. She was sure he was drinking. I stopped on my way back to see if he had come home.- He was in bed. She told me he had been drinking all day. I told her I would not believe but that he would come to the Lord. I stopped the next evening and the poor fellow was sitting in the kitchen, partly lying on the table, sound asleep in one of his drunken sleeps. Sister M said : "Do you see what a state he's in? Do not awaken him. Let him sleep off his drunk; for if he is awakened in this state he is just as if he was crazy. He will break up everything in the house, for I know how he does if he is awakened." I said: "Sister M , I will not go away without praying," for the Spirit of the Lord was upon me to pray. She took me into the front room and said : "Let us pray OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 67 here, but pray softly." As I was kneeling to pray, the feeling came over me to go in and kneel down by him, and I remembered I had promised to do anything that came to me, so I told her how I felt. She said I shouldn't do that; I did not know him as well as she did. The feeling in my soul fo* that drunken man could not have been worse if he had been drowning and no one to help him. It seemed I could not be more earnest for my own hus- band or brother than I was for him. God put that love and earnest- ness into my heart for that man. I felt if I left him like that he would be lost. I went into the kitchen and knelt down by him and prayed. It was not long till he began to groan and straighten up. I was so much in earnest I wasn't praying very low. When he began to make so much noise in trying to sit up, I could not help thinking that he might strike me, and it was all I could do to keep from rising to my feet. I began to think Sister M was right, and it would have been better for me to have prayed in the front room ; but I kept on till the feel- ing of fear left me, and everything was still. As I rose to my feet I looked to see what had become of my brother. He was sitting there looking at me, and I said : "Brother M , do you know what you promised me last night?" He said: "Yes, and I am ashamed of myself." He seemed to be sober and thoughtful. He said to his wife : "Now look here, Minnie, I am not drunk. I can walk straight." He crossed the floor, took down his overcoat, and said, "I am going to church," and asked her if she would go. She said : "Do you think I am fool enough to go with you like that? Mrs. Peterson, if you want to go, yon can; but I will not." He wanted to take the street car, but I thought it best to walk. He would be in a better condition to give his heart to God when we got to church. Walking through the cool night air seemed to sober him up. He went forward, and was thoroughly converted. I could not sleep that night, I was so happy to think what God had done for that family. I went home with him and we had prayer, and I bade them good night. I stopped the next evening and she went, for she was convinced he was a converted man. Inside of a week she was converted, and the first communion day the whole family was taken into the church. This whole week I had been praying for God to send some- one to open the way somehow, so that I might do more for him. One afternoon a lady called and asked me if I had rooms to rent. I had not thought of renting rooms, but I at once saw the advan- tage of it. I could let her have the rooms a little cheaper if she would care for my little girl at nights, for Mr. Peterson was working nights. I told her to come back at 7 in the evening and 68 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I would let her know. I told Mr. Peterson that she wanted the rooms, and how nice it would be for me, as I was alone nights. I did not tell him my object in letting her take them. I told her 1 would let her have the rooms cheap, if she would care for my baby evenings when she was at home. She was a nurse, and part of the time she was away. When she was not at home I would get Sister M 's oldest girl to stay Sundays and Wednesdays, and the weeks when we had revival services. This is the way the Lord opened the way for me. Still I had trouble about going. Mr. Peterson objected. He thought I ought not to go except on Sunday mornings. He thought that was enough. I would rather give up home, child or anything, than to break my promise with God. This lady was a Christian lady, but she did not understand being led by the Spirit. One evening when we had held a week's revival, and I had gone every night, when Saturday evening came I was tired and told her I would not go that evening. She bade me good night and went upstairs. I had everything ready to bathe my little girl, when I felt I must go to church. I said : "Lord, you know that I have gone all the week, and I want to get ready for Sunday." This is the way I always talk to the Lord as I would to a person. It is the only way to be led by the Spirit. I went and got the bathtub, and the thought came again, "go to church." I could not see why the Lord came to me, telling me to go, but I said : "Lord, if you want me to go, I'll go." I put the bathtub away, and went upstairs and asked Sister R if she would tend the baby. She said : "Yes, but I thought you were not going." I said : "Yes, the Lord wants me to go." She answered : "I am surprised at you. If I did not know better, I would think you were crazy to hear you talk about the Lord leading you. As I watch you about the house, in everything you do, and say, you are all right, only on this subject." I said: "Sister R , I have watched the leading of the Spirit and seen the result, till you could not convince me that I do not know it is the Lord leading me." Think of all that I had to hinder me in those two weeks of consecration ! I kept right on. I was so much in earnest that I had forgotten all about getting angry, or at least I had no time, or did not feel like it. My heart was so rilled with love to get that dear family saved that the devil had no chance to tempt me in that line. I went to church that evening wondering why the Lord wanted me to go. I took my seat in the choir. I could not sing much, but there were few to help. After they had sung three or four songs, Sister Graham was holding the revival services, and as she stood up to read the lesson, the joy of the Lord filled my heart so that by OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 69 the time she was ready to read I felt something letting loose in my heart like someone pulling a sunflower out of my heart by the roots. Did you ever try to pull a sunflower, with great long roots, and as you pulled you could feel the old roots give way, then out it would come? Can you remember when you looked at that root how big it was, with a great lump of dirt clinging to it; and all through the dirt hundreds of little roots were running? I do not believe the Lord was one moment pulling the old sunflower, Adam, out of my heart. I cannot tell you how happy I was. All the time they were singing those songs the Holy Spirit was getting hold of the old Adam nature. I did not know what he was doing till it was done, but when he pulled I jumped, and all over that platform I went. I could not help it. Sister Graham had to wait till I was through rejoicing. They started up a song while I was praising God. I put my hand on everyone in the choir and they would jump, for my hands were as cold as ice. I got Brother Uzzell by the hand and shoulder, and while I was shaking him, I said: "Brother Uzzell, there is nothing impossible with God." I do not remember how many times I repeated those words. I knew the tears were running down his face. The old sunflower, root and all, was gone, and in its place there seemed to be a boiling spring. Did you ever see a boiling spring boiling up and the water all calm around it? Did you ever try to throw a stick upon that boiling water? How quickly the stick would fly off and float around in the still water! This is the way my heart felt. Think how long it took to prepare me so that the Lord could take out the old nature! For two weeks he sent blessing after blessing, to water my heart, so that he could pull out the old, evil nature. And then how he tried those blessing? those two weeks! For he will have a tried people. I thank God I stood the test. If I had not, after he had given me the blessings, do you not see that I would have hindered him, and stopped him from taking out the old Adam nature? So many take this blessing for sanctifica- tion, and stop there, and that is why they are saying things that are not becoming to a sanctified person. They have only got the blessing, not the blesser. The sinner has conviction to help him, and yet how many stop at conviction and think it is conver- sion, and are taken into the church to find out afterward that they have not yet been born again. I have met hundreds that have stopped at this blessing, thinking they were sanctified. You can have five or six blessings almost as great as sanctification and think that you are sanctified when you are not. I know preachers who have claimed this blessing, and to-day they do not believe very much in it, or at least they do not profess it. I do not doubt but 7O THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD what they got the blessing, but did not go far enough. If they had received the blessing of sanctification they could never forget the time and place. When God permitted Satan to test the blessing of consecration they did not stand the test, and were not true to their consecration. It might seem a little thing to be untrue to consecration', and yet it would be a big thing in the eyes of God. God will not send great trials to test consecration. It will be some little thing, and he tells us in his word if we will be faithful in that which is least we are faithful in much. My advice to you is when you feel led to go to the altar, and then pray and watch and obey and live, and in all those things you know you will have to exercise faith. This is what it means to walk in all the light you have, and when you do this the vessel is only preparing itself. This is what the Lord means when he says in his word, "cleanse yourself." In consecration you begin the work of cleansing your- self, and then the Lord does his part. He finishes the work if you are faithful in walking in your consecration. You must re- member, we must walk up to all the light in our justified state, in order that the Spirit may help us to make the consecration. So you see it all must be done, or the Spirit must help you do it. There are so many who try to make the consecration in their own strength, and that is why their consecration is a failure. Perhaps they have been living for years in what they think a justified state, without the Spirit, and then when they seek for consecration, they get the Spirit they ought to have had all these years. And then they think they are sanctified when they are only justified. I know this 'to be a fact. Hundreds of times both men and women have asked me how I could tell when I was led by the Spirit. I know there is a difference because I lived four weeks without the Spirit after I was converted. I felt the Spirit with me and a comfort in my heart through faith the Lord gave me. I was a believer, and knew from the comfort I had that my sins were forgiven. And when I say this I say all. The only time I felt the Spirit in me was when I went forward and gave my first testimony. He came and helped me to make my first confession. I could feel him all around me. A desire was in me to testify and pray; and I knew the difference between the desire to pray and having the Spirit, as I did when I made my first confession. The first time I confessed Christ my very soul was filled. There was no fear there, and then some way there seemed to creep in fears and tremblings. Why was it I had this fear? It was because I did not have the Spirit. I had what I asked the Lord for. I asked him to for- give me and he did. I had not asked him to give me the Spirit, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 71 and he only gives us what we ask him for, or what we desire when we ask. I tumbled around for two weeks desiring to talk and pray, not desiring the Spirit to help me talk and pray. I got tired of tumbling around full of fears, and then I began in dead earnest, asking the Lord to give me what I had when I gave my first testimony. The Lord heard my pleadings and the Holy Spirit came like a flood at the end of my four weeks' struggle. I did not know how to come to the Lord and ask for the Spirit. All I could ask for was for something to help me, and the Lord knew what I meant. It was not long till I realized this feeling was the Spirit, for I had no one to tell me that we had to ask for the Spirit after we were converted. CHAPTER VII. AFTER I received the Spirit, as soon as I would go into a meeting I would begin to trust, and pray the Lord to fill me with this Spirit; and when I got him I knew I could talk or pray and he would never disappoint me. I trust this will help you, dear reader, to get the Spirit the first thing after your con- version. To make it plainer, I will tell you of one experience with my niece. There were many others, but I will only speak of her. Jennie was converted at her home in Kansas. She lived for six years believing her sins to be forgiven. Like many others, with myself, she did not know anything about the Spirit leading her. After six years she came to Denver to make her home with me. I would tell her how the Lord led me to do this, or say that, and when the Spirit would stop me I would say to her: "Jennie, the Lord does not want me to do that. He leads me in another way." It will keep anyone busy if they watch all the leadings of the Spirit. They will have no time to watch anyone else. If they do they are stealing time that should be given to the Holy Spirit. When I would talk to my niece like this, I noticed her look at me. So one morning after she had been here awhile, she said : "Aunt Ray, I wish I could feel like you do. I wish the Spirit would lead me as it does you, and I could know that he did." I said : "Jen- nie, we will get down here and pray the Lord to give you the Spirit." As I prayed, this passage of scripture came to me: "The Lord is more willing to give the Spirit to them that ask, than we are to ask." The Spirit came to help me to ask for advice for my niece, and when I was through asking she was in good condition to ask for herself. In the middle of her prayer the words seemed to be put into my mouth: "Lord, give her the Spirit." Every time I said "Lord, give her the Spirit," she said that the Spirit would 72 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD come, and it seemed to her her very hands were glued to the chair. Ever after that she knew what it meant to be led by the Spirit. She depended on him ever after, to help her pray. It was Saturday evening that the Adam nature was taken out of my heart. I thought when I was converted that I was as happy as anyone could be, but when I received the Spirit that seemed greater than any conversion. The Lord tells us in his word, that when we are converted the refreshing conies from the presence of the Lord. The refreshing surely came when he gave me the Spirit ; but when he took out the old Adam nature it seemed greatest of all. How true the song, that it is better farther on. When the work of sanctification began in my life I had never heard a ser- mon on this subject, and knew nothing about it. The Lord did not wait for me to be taught, but he led and gave me the experience through faith and obedience to him. The Lord did not lead me to say much about this blessing. Only occasionally would I speak of it. When anyone asked me if I be- lieved in it before I received it, I would say: "I must, for it is the bible." When they asked me after I received the blessing, I would tell them, without a doubt I had received the blessing, for it was as plain an experience as any conversion, or when I received the Spirit, four weeks after conversion. After we receive this blessing the Lord wants us to live it in every sense of the word. All the next day I told everybody that the Lord had taken something out of my heart, and then told them of the boiling spring that was welling up in my heart. The experience was even greater than my conversion. When I got up Monday morning (it had always been wash-day for me) the spring was still boiling in my heart. I was too happy to settle myself to wash. I could not remember the time when I had not washed on Monday for years, except when my little girl was sick. Mr. Peterson came home about 7 130 in the morning, and while we were eating breakfast I told him of my experience. I could see how uneasy he was all the time I was telling him. After breakfast he took our little girl, Ruby, and went out for a walk. While he was gone I washed up the dishes and had all the work done but the sweeping. All the time I was doing the work I was thanking God for his goodness to me during the last two or three days, not thinking much about the work, for that seemed second nature to me. I took the broom and started into the parlor to sweep the floor. I had been asking the Lord to let me know, in some way, if I had pleased him in the last three weeks' test. I did not care how he let me know, for I said : "Lord, you know how I have suffered to do thy will, and I want to know if I have pleased thee." It seemed I would be willing to do any- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 73 thing if he would let me know. I had not given one thought as to how he would let me know, and as I stood on the floor, ready to sweep, all at once these words came to me: "Why, child." I stopped, stood there, and again the same words came, as a mother would speak to her child, emphasizing the two words : "Why, child." Not dreaming of such a thing, the same feeling came to me that came when he asked me if my lamp was trimmed and burning; and the same feeling that I had nine days before the Saturday evening when he asked me if I would forsake him. When I felt this drifting feeling I knew what was coming, and I sat down in a chair that was standing by my side, and I drifted away some- where. When I felt myself stop the same words came, "why, child,' and I saw these words, and as I read them the Spirit stamped them upon my memory, so that I can never forget them. The following are the words: "My child, you ought to rejoice more when you know you are on your journey home. Through clouds thickly gather around you, you know you have the bible for your compass, and the Savior for your captain. The days are swiftly gliding by when time shall be no more. 'Tis then the curtain, which is death, will be drawn aside and you see plainly on the other shore. Tis then you will forget the stormy voyage here; 'tis then you will forget this body of clay, for the Savior is your captain, and he will land you safely on the other shore, where the angels sing for evermore." And as I was drifting back, the same trumpet was placed to my ear and I could hear these words like thunder: "You go and tell the people to get ready to die, tell them to get ready for the judgment." Before I was through sweeping Mr. Peterson came home. After he went to work that evening I went over to see a lady on the next street, a Mrs. Linch, and she asked me what was the mat- ter, and I said nothing. She said Mr. Peterson was over in the morning and told her he did not know what was the matter with Rachel. Mrs. Linch asked him what he meant. He said there was the strangest feeling in the kitchen that morning while I was telling him my experience. He said : "Mrs. Linch, I must stop hindering that woman as I have been doing or God will do some- thing with me." This did me so much good, for I had been asking the Lord to make him a better man. And from that day to this he has been. Before that, for two years, he would not give me carfare, in order to keep me home. He thought I would stop, that I would get tired of walking the two miles to church. He thought I could be a Christian all right and stay at home. Before that I sold butter out of the cellar to pay my carfare when it was too stormy to walk. The suffering and self-denial was nothing to 74 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD compare with the way the Lord would bless me. After that he gave me the pocketbook. We were paying for our home, and with the interest and other expenses, it consumed the money every month. The last week of my suffering, before I gained this vic- tory, I shall never forget. I have said Mr. Peterson worked nights. I have already told of one of the crosses, now I will tell of the other that I had to bear. I took my little three-year-old girl upon my lap one evening and had a good cry, for these two crosses together seemed more than I could bear. It is a little story, and perhaps will amuse you. CHAPTER VIII. ONE of the musicians in the choir took a desperate fancy to me. He was a grand, noble, intelligent-looking fellow. He was a man to attract anyone, and when I felt an admiration springing in my heart, I said : "Dear Lord, this will never do. I am a Christian, a mother and a wife, and this will not do." And I prayed God that this might be taken away that it might not trouble me, and with it all the other trials. I dare not go to anyone, for if I did I knew they would make harm of it. I had nowhere to go but to the Lord. I told Sister Spalti's daughter, but she was too young to help me in her prayers, though I could trust her. One Sunday evening I was tempted to stay away from the church and never go back. Still I knew the Lord wanted me to go. I knew I had done nothing, that I knew my own heart and that I did not intend to do anything that would displease the Lord ; but my heart was so sad I did not see how I could lead the young converts' meeting, I said: "What can I say that would en- courage them, when I myself am discouraged and cast down. But I will go and do my duty, that is all I can do and trust God to help me." So I got ready, put my little girl to sleep, and the lady that had my rooms took care of her. I took my place as leader in the meeting, and said: "Now, Lord, help me." And as I trusted the Spirit came, and we had a grand meeting. At the close of the services we all went into the main part of the church, the prayer meeting being held in a side room. As I took my seat in the choir the same heartache came back to me again. I knew Brother Uzzell would call on me to pray, and my heart was so sad. Were you ever so sad you wanted to go away from everything and everybody and nurse your sad heart? Well, this is the way I felt. I had suffered so much with everything coming in my way that I thought everyone in the choir could not help feeling how sad I was. After singing a few songs Brother Uzzell called upon OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 75 me to pray. As he turned to me and said, "Sister Peterson, lead us in prayer," it seemed to me he was cruel to call on me, and my heart so nearly broken. Think of me having to pray in that con- dition. I wondered what I would say. I put my hands on each side of my chair and lifted myself, then dropped on my knees and said: "Dear Lord, help me at this time." Not one in that great audience that night knew what it cost me, or how much it meant when I said : "Dear Lord, help us." Sister Mollie knew, but she was too young to realize. When I uttered these words my eyes were closed, but my spiritual eyes showed me a light. I am not what the world would call a spiritualist, yet if it were my last words on earth I could say I saw a light. It was to the right of me, and seemed to be as high from the floor as the back of a chair, and as wide as a man's hand. I did not seem to think of its length, but it was all beautiful, mellow colors like the rainbow. At the same time I felt the power of the Spirit. I was made to know that this light was the Holy Ghost ; that he had come to help me because I was willing to suffer and stand at the post of duty. I don't believe I ever had such power to pray, for several came to me after the services and said : "Sister Peterson, I never heard you pray as you did to-night." Little did they know what caused me to pray as I did. How few know that it requires suffering to refine us. I could see the light leaving me, and when the Spirit left me to pray I could see the light no more. It had gone. That was not the last time I felt the Holy Ghost, but the only time that I ever saw him. As I took my seat the same old ache came back into my heart. Still I did my duty. I never failed to pray and testify. One evening as I was walking home from prayer meeting, at the corner of Twentieth and Larimer streets. I met this gentleman. I believe he thought I was at prayer meeting and was waiting to see me. As we shook hands he said : "Where have you been?" I told him, and we turned and walked up the street. We must have walked three blocks before he spoke ; then he asked me if I realized the condition of his heart. I told him I did ; that Sister G had told me. She said he thought the world of me, and laughingly said : "Sister Peterson, it would never do for you to be a widow." I had known it for a month. "What is the best thing to do?" I asked, after another silence. I told him the best thing, I thought, was for one of us to leave the church. I told him that I was praying for him, as well as for myself. I said there was no need of an explanation. He said he would not think it so strange if he had sought my presence, but he had not. "God knows I am honest," he said, "and this feeling has crept into my heart against my will." I told him that the Lord had permitted it to try 76 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD us both. He was a noble Christian and would not, for the world, turn from the right. He wanted to know if I had said anything to anyone about it. I told him I had told Mollie something must be done. I did not see him again to speak to him, except in the meetings, until the next week. The Tabernacle had a picnic. When we arrived at Dome Rock a lot of us started to climb the moun- tains. We and Sister G 's family ate dinner together. When we were all on our way home Mollie and I took a seat together. Then I did not see any more of him until the train pulled in at the depot. He came and bade Mollie and me good by. Mollie turned to me and said: "Sister Peterson, did you see that look on his face?" I said: "Yes; his face seemed so sad." The next day he called on Mollie, and seemed freer to talk to her than he did to me. I had told Mollie to tell him when she saw him what I had told her. It was best. I knew I could trust Mollie, and so I told her to tell him that if he loved me, as he said, he would leave the church. He turned pale when she told him, and walked the floor. "How cruel and heartless," he said. "If I leave the church I will leave the city." Before the next Sunday he had gone. One evening at 5 o'clock Mollie came up to the house and told me he was going away that evening at 7 o'clock. He wanted to know if she and I would go with him to the depot. As we both kissed him goodby I told him I should never forget to pray for him. That was twelve years ago. I am still praying that I may meet him in heaven. I never had an attachment spring up in my heart like that for anyone before. What could I do but go to God for strength to keep me firm and steadfast in every difficulty that might come in my way? I had started to make heaven my home regardless of opposition at home or abroad, and that is why I sought for this blessing of sanctification. I knew that I must have this power, or sit down at home and do nothing, and I had strength to bear the opposition at home and do the whole will of God. As we were leav- ing the depot I said to Mollie : "Now, Mollie, if I could get the victory over my home troubles that I have over this experience, then I would have gained victory, indeed, to do the work God has called me to do." He asked me if I would write. I told him I thought it best I should not. He wrote several times to Mollie to inquire how I was geting along. A few months later Mollie was married, and from that on I never heard from him. He went to Europe, or at least he left the United States. One day at sunset, a long time after this experience, I was sitting alone, thinking of how we climbed the mountains and picked flowers. As the last rays of the sun were flickering in the room these words came to me, and I got a pencil and wrote OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 77 them down, and I thought I would put them in my book: "This evening I was looking back upon my first admiration with joy, mingled with sadness. Too well do I remember the time. It was when this earth was clothed in green and the flowers bloomed on the mountain side. Time and nature have changed many things the flowers have passed away, the trees have changed their green robe for one of gray, the earth is wrapped in a shroud of white. And still that truth remains no ray of hope or sunshine lights my shadowed path." It is wonderful the complete victory the Lord will give everyone that will come to him. In less than six weeks I could look upon my troubles and everything that was in my life with joy and thank thee, dear Lord, for all that had happened. If if had not been for all these troubles I know I never would have gotten the sweet experience that I have. Just one of those trances paid me for all the suffering. So many have said to me: "If I could have the experience that you have, I would be willing to suffer too." They never stop to think that the suffering came before I saw anything. For two weeks I hardly ate or slept. I wanted the Lord to give me this complete victory, that nothing in this world would have any effect on me. God knew that I had gotten to that place where I did not care to live another week without this power. I did not go to man for help, but to God, and he gave it to me, because I sought it with all my heart. As you read this book, some one may say or ask: "Why did she write this experience?" I will tell you why. I have met both men and women with the same trouble. They were Christians, and not knowing how to trust the Lord for this victory, and yet not being willing to go to anyone for advice for you know as well as I do everyone looks at anything like this as wrong and as a disgrace, and for you to be tempted on those lines is an unpardonable sin. You would be on the tongue of every Christian who has this weak- ness. You will find plenty of them in every church, and those who do not talk are ready to listen, and most of them could not see any good in that kind of an experience. You have an experience of that kind and see how many you could speak to without making evil of it. And it would not stop there. It would go to others, and they would make as much wrong of that temptation or trial as though you had indeed been guilty of yielding to the temptation in every sense of the word. It would make no difference whether you are innocent or not. My advice to one going through expe- riences like this for I have found a good many, though the world knows nothing about it do not go to a carnal-minded person. The right way is to go to God. There on your knees stay until God helps you. I do believe that is why the Lord has told us in his 78 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD word when we pray to go into our closets and shut the door, because it would not do to even leave the dooT open and pray to God on those lines of temptation without someone making evil of your prayer. If any thoughtful-minded person would stop to think or reason together as God has told us to do, and if our minds are pure, and we have the right kind of feeling, and the person whom we see is being tempted or tried on those lines, that person can feel whether they can trust you or not. I know this to be a fact. Strangers have come to me and said : "Mrs. Peterson, there is something, I do not know what it is, that leads me to you, for I feel some way that I can trust you." O, how well humanity knows ! You cannot deceive it. The honesty and truth must come from the very soul and heart of a person, and with that honesty must be experience. They would rather lose their right arm than to betray the confidence of anyone who put their trust in them. As I said, they come to me almost every day of my life and say: "I do not know why I am inclined to trust you as I do." I know that it is the true magnet in them that calls for a true friend in time of trouble. That this is a reality has been tested many times. This is why I am convinced that you can- not deceive humanity. This honesty in you will draw and attract strangers. They will wonder at it, and yet they know it is true. I always tell them it is the Spirit of the Lord, and this magnet that I have mentioned is nothing but the Spirit that is in you, and a prayerful heart will always commit its spirit to the Holy Spirit, to be led aright. You know the Lord says : "How are we to know man, only by the Spirit of man?" To-day we may meet a man filled with the spirit of love, and again we may meet the same man in a week's time and he may be filled with the spirit of hatred, and if you have had any kind of experience in life you cannot help feeling a difference in the influence of that same man. I do not care how nice or polite he is, you can feel something driving you away from that person, be he man or woman. It is the same with whomsoever you meet. If God has given you a great, loving heart, with no selfishness in it and with no indifferent feeling to the welfare of humanity, it makes no difference whether in low or high standing, and you will have an influence upon him or her and the influence will help to elevate that person. Love, I care not whence it cometh, is helpful, for love worketh no ill to its neighbor. If you will cultivate a spirit of love in yourself, with a prayerful heart, you are bound to be successful and powerful in this dark, cold world of sin and selfishness; but to hate one day and to love another, and not be constant and kind at all times when others are unkind, and then not to love one who has wronged OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 79 you and not have love enough in your heart to take that one and do unto him as God has done for you, and is doing now, giving you many a blessing and comfort that you are not worthy of, though you have been unfaithful so many times in your life if you can- not live a life every day manifesting this love not one day talking about people and the next being good the lack of a steady, faithful life every day alike will make you weak and unable to help others and not able to help yourself. As I said, these trials we have in our lives which we do not dare to speak of to others, are worse than the trials of Daniel in the lion's den. The lion's den is prepared to-day by the devil, for God's children, and the furnaces that the three Hebrew children were cast into are prepared to-day to try his own people, for he will have nothing but a tried people. I want to tell you of some of the lions' dens and the fiery furnaces I have passed through. If we are true to God and his word, there will come into all our lives something that will be as hard for us as it was for Daniel, and if we will trust as Daniel did, we will come out with as complete a victory as he did, and find those things have been for our good. But we must be willing, as he was, to suffer, and not murmur or complain. I do not believe Daniel complained. I think if he had found fault it would have been written in that wonderful book, the bible, or if he had felt mean or hateful toward the king there would have been something said about it. He never said he would never speak to that king again or have anything to do with him, but when he was sorry for what he had done Daniel forgave him and loved him. I got the victory over the trouble and the opposition by doing the will of God. I overcame my ugly temper which gave me so much trouble. It will give anyone trouble who will let it remain in him, for when that feeling is there, there are other evils there also. There is one evil besides that which I will speak of. I did not know it was there. Brother Charlie Uzzell told me the devil had a side-track laid for me before I was converted two weeks. Others thought the same, for they said I was too sure of being all right. It was the first time I learned the tricks of the devil. It was there I became acquainted with his cunning ways. I did not know at the time that it was the devil who held this one thing over me ignorance. I thought it was my own common sense, and one would say it was my own reason, but the influence of the devil magnified my ignorance, and with a lack of knowledge and experience, and his powerful influence, convinced me regard- less of what anyone would say, and when Brother Uzzell told me to watch or the devil would side-track me, I answered him as I 80 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD thought I knew. But how could I know, when I had not yet had any experience. I will show you what I mean by experience. There was a nice young colored girl in the choir, a mulatto, almost white. She could sing well. There were several lovely girls in the choir. They were good Christians. They would hold the book with this colored girl and sing with her. I had no feeling against the colored people. No one could have a better feeling than I had. I knew she was there, for I shook hands with her. All at once, as I was sitting on the front row of seats in the church before the meeting began, the thought came to me, "what are they doing with that colored girl in the choir; that is no place for her," not thinking why I had not seen her before, and not stopping to think that it was none of my business. You know how we all are after we are converted. The devil cannot get us to do any great sin, so he starts us out finding fault or tending to some one's else business. Of course I thought I had to have my say. The old devil did not put it into my heart to have her put out of the church or choir, but to get out myself. It is almost always the other way. The devil nearly always prompts us to get the one out that we do not like, and if we cannot accomplish it, then he will put it into our hearts to harm them by saying some- thing, and yet pretend to be a friend to them. The psalmist says in the LVth chapter and 21 st verse: "The words of his mouth were smother than butter, but war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords." Remember, those are not my words; they are God's words. And we meet, face to face, every day those who are nice to us and at the same time have a drawn sword in their heart toward us. And there I was, tending to everybody's business but my own, doing some- thing that I never had done when I was a wordly person. When I was wicked, if I did not like anyone I would just go about my business and let them attend to theirs. I would never try to harm them, by saying something, because I did not like them. I always thought it such a mean principle. And then to think after I had become a Christian to do the things that I hated the very principle of ! There I was having respect of persons. James tells us in the 2nd chapter and gth verse: "But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin and are convicted of the law as trans- gressors." We must learn that these things cripple us. We must watch, as Christians, or the devil will come with wicked thoughts and we will speak them out. These are the things that God meant when he said : "The little foxes kill the vine." We are so apt not to look at the little things, when it is the little things that drive away the Spirit of God. We are dying spiritually from OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 8l those things and do not know it. It was this little fox that came, in this cunning way, and the first thing I did was to ask Sister McKensie why they had colored people in the choir. She said she did not know. The devil had my eyes and he was using them. I not only saw this girl, but I said : "There are all kinds and classes. What is the use of me staying in a poor church like this?" I had always been good to the poor. Sister Me was as weak as I or she would have rebuked me; but she encouraged me. "Yes," she said, "I know a low class comes here, and I will tell you what to do. Come up to my church. There is a nice class of people there, and you can do as much good there as you can here." Then the devil was up to getting me high- toned. Do you see how he started me out? And I wound up by thinking that they were all about alike. I went to Brother Uzzell and said: "Why do you have colored people here?" "They have a right to come to church," he answered. "They ought to have a church of their own," I insisted. Then Brother Uzzell said: "Do you know that there are colored people in Heaven?" "Oh yes," I said, "but they will leave their smell here." Think how blunt I answered Brother Uzzell finding fault with nature when God knows I think as much of colored persons as any- one does. I could see that I hurt Brother Uzzell's feelings, but that did not stop me. I said : "Would you take the Lord's supper with them?" And he answered: "Yes." Then I said: "You'll drink the wine out of the same glass with them?" "Yes," he said. "I will not," I said, for I had already given my name; "I want my letter." He told one of the deacons and his wife what I had said, and as we started home Brother Swimburn talked to me. When they came to their home they wanted me to come in and pray about the step I was about to take. He failed, and then his wife tried to get me to come in. I said: "No, I'll go on home." I told them I was all right and did not intend to do anything wrong. I had already done wrong, but could not see it. Sister Spalti and Sister Ross did not say anything to me. They knew better, for they knew it was of no use when I was determined. There are times when we do much good in keeping still. I was so sure I was right. The next morning I had all my work done and was making bread. I'll never forget as long as I live. While kneading the bread there came over me such a feeling of fear. I knew I was not afraid of anything, and I had not thought it was because I had done wrong, for I was sure I was right; but I could not understand this fear. I thought it so strange. Some would have cast this aside and not stopped to think or heed those feelings. The thought came to me to go and ask Mrs. Ross. 82 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I dropped my bread and went in and said: "Sister Ross, I have such a strange feeling. I wonder what it is." I asked her if she could tell me. I said: "Were you ever lost in the woods and did not know which way to go?" "Yes," she answered, " I have been." "Isn't it a dreadful feeling?" said I. She said: "Rachel, I just tremble for you." "Why," I asked. She said: "I do not believe the Lord wants you to go with Sister Me to that high-toned church." "Do you think that is why I have this feeling? If I thought it was wrong I would not go." "What is that feeling if it is not this that causes it?" said she. "If I thought it was that, I would stop," I said. The Lord tells us to try the spirits to see whether or not they are for him, and I tried the spirit the evening before. I began to think that was what caused this feeling, and the thought came to me to go down to Swim- burn's and pray. I said to the Lord : "I will." I took it for granted that this was from the Lord. I went into the house and got a shawl and threw it over my head, for it was three blocks away, and told them that I was ready to pray, telling them of the feeling that I had. If we will only hearken to the Spirit he will soon show us when we are wrong. By listening to those simple thoughts and feelings I was helped to see my sin. I sup- pose if I had stopped a second the devil would have shown me how I had talked to Brother Uzzell, and that would have made me ashamed to go to him and make it all right; but I was led by the Spirit, not by sight, as I had been the evening before. If we will hearken to the Spirit he will lead us step by step, a thought at a time, so I said : "I will go and do, my duty, and see if these feelings will leave me." We had prayer. I told them what Sister Ross said, and told them I would tell Brother Uzzell at church that evening. After we had prayer I felt so good ! The fear all left me, and I was happy all that day. Then I knew I had done wliat was right. I waited to see if I felt that feeling, but it never returned, for I had fully made up my mind if that feeling was wrong I would make it right. I did not get a chance to tell Brother Uzzell. Brother Swimburn got into his buggy and drove over to the North Side and told Brother Uzzell what I had done, and as I sat there in the meeting I said, "I will make it all right with Brother Uzzell after church," not knowing that Brother Swinburn had told him. It was not a testimony meeting. Brother Uzzell was to preach, and yet he called on me and asked me how I was feeling. Then I knew someone had told him. I stood up and told the audience how I felt and what I had said, and now what I was willing to do. Before I got through I felt like I was converted over again, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 83 and the fire spread through the audience. I almost did the preach- ing that night, and that one experience settled me for good on that line. I have known ever since when the devil comes to me. I can tell by my feelings and thoughts. I have been able to discern the good or evil spirits ever since. It is the first side-track the devil ever got me on. He has turned the switch a good many times when I have been going at full speed, but God has given me strength to open the throttle and speed right on. Other times I have had to stand still and see the salvation of God, and some- times on my knees with the engine of God's power and love per- fectly still, but thank God I could always see the smoke or light and knew the fire was still burning in my heart. The devil 'never built a side-track but what he built it into the main line, so that if you do get off the main line there is a way provided for you to get back. I have known people to get side-tracked when Christians would run ahead and try to keep them on the side-track, or make them a great deal of trouble in geting back. I have learned if we live carefully we can always do good, either spiritually or mentally. Our influence should be a benediction to all we meet, and I mean by that something that is lasting, something that will not take wings and fly away in time of sorrow or sickness, or even death, but something that is helpful, that will even go beyond the grave out into eternity. There -are a thousand ways in which we can help one another. A cheerful look, a kind word, a smile, a loving spirit, so that even a stranger will be led to unburden his heart to you, and will feel that you have done him good. No one can live a life such as I speak of without going to God, and there giving himself and all he has that he may be a par- taker of the divine nature that will enable him to live for God and others in that true sense that is pleasing to God. God tried me before he took away the old Adam nature, and then he tried me after he took it away, and thank God I got the victory, and felt that I had the strength of Samson, felt that I could in the name of Jesus conquer every foe. After I had gotten this complete victory it was lasting. This was two weeks from the Monday I had the trance that I last spoke of. It was on Monday afternoon at 4 o'clock. It was the first trance I had ever had with anyone in the room. Mollie was with me. She had come up to spend the day. I had been washing and had finished my work. Feeling a little tired, I said to Mollie, "come into the bedroom and I will lie down and rest," not thinking for a moment that there was anything coming to me. Mollie sat down on the carpet by the window. We had not talked long till I felt a strange feeling come over me, such as I had in the trances, but 84 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I did not drift away as I did before. I felt more like I had touched an electric battery, but I knew it was the Spirit of the Lord upon me, and as I started to sit up I remarked : "Mollie, I feel so strange." I only got onto my elbow when this question was asked me : "What is the wisdom of God, and how does it visit the children of God?" The answer came like this : "It visits me like a fleeting sunbeam passing through my mind, and if I fail to grasp the golden thought, then empty-handed I must go." Then I could realize it was Satan, the evil one, who asked me this question. He said : "Ah, how can you grasp these golden thoughts when sadness fills your heart and shadows o'er your pathway fly?" and the answer came back so plain : "As you trust God the pathway grows bright, the shadows flee and you are passing on to the world of bliss." I sat up in bed, and as I did so, Mollie said : "Rachel, your face does not look natural." Then I told her what I had heard. Thousands of beautiful thoughts come to God's people, and how true it is if we do not recognize and grasp those thoughts as the Holy Spirit brings them to us they are indeed like fleeting sunbeams, and that is why so many of us are void of tfie knowledge of God, and so empty of the truth. When temptation comes they are not versed in the scriptures enough to quote the words they should to the evil one. At this time there was nothing bothering me, except the lady who had the rooms upstairs was going away, and I wondered who I would get to take care of my little girl while I did my mission work. I was gone almost every evening somewhere when my child was well enough for me to go. I could not go through the day, for Mr. Peterson was home during the day and did not want me to go out when he was at home. I did not let him know I went out as much as I did. If I had there would have been trouble, and I tried to avoid all the trouble I could. I knew I was doing my duty as a mother and housekeeper and wife, and outside of that I gave my time to the Lord. Though it might have cost me my life, I would have paid the price of my vow to the Lord. I did not care how much I suffered so long as the Lord blessed my labors. I did not like to bother my neigh- bors to care for my child, so I prayed the Lord to send someone. The rooms were not empty a week when one Saturday evening, about 8 o'clock, there was a rap at the door, and a lady I had known for seven years came in. We had rented of her mother when the latter was living. I said : "'Lizzie, what are you doing out this kind of weather, with your little girl?" It was a bitter cold night. The wind was blowing and the snow drifting dreadfully. She asked me if she could stay all night. While she was taking off her wraps she told me her story; that she was left OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 85 alone in the world to support her little girl and herself; that her husband ^had left her homeless and penniless. I knew she did not realize the responsibility that was resting upon her. She was young, and had done nothing but go to school. She said she was willing to work, but did not know what she could do to support her child and herself. I told her that I would be a friend to her, and help her what I could. I knew Mr. Peterson would, as he had known her so long. She got a position in a laundry, and' would take care of my little girl evenings and I would care for hers through the day. I was willing to do this, that the way might be opened for me to do my mission work. It was not long till the little thing would call me mama I dressed the two little girls alike. They were both light complexioned, and so near the same age that strangers thought they were twins. I did all the washing. There were five of us in the family. She made enough to pay her own expenses, and I cared for her child, charging her noth- ing for the work I did ; then she would look after them in the evening. In this way I was able to' pay my vow to God. That summer we started a Friday night prayer meeting. As I had led the young converts' prayer meeting I thought sure, with the Lord's help, I could venture to take charge of the Friday night meeting. I was a little fearful, for I had not yet gotten over making blunders in leading meetings. One evening, after we started our Friday night meetings, the room was filled with people. I seemed to be bothered, and could not get the meeting started with the life I thought it ought to have. To get courage I began telling them how we served the Lord in the early days in Kansas. I told them that the school house, where we held meeting, was a log house with dirt roof, and chinked with mud and pieces of limbs. I started to tell of one evening, when the meeting was about half over, when there came up a hard rain and one corner of the dirt roof caved in. The people crowded into one-half of the room. There were holes on the side where the chinking had fallen out. I called attention to the difference between our com- fortable surroundings now, and what the people contended with then, and how grateful we should be. By this time we had gotten into a good spirit, and nothing seemed to be bothering me. I went on to speak of the hole in the roof, which was so large one could take a dog by the tail and throw it through. Instead of saying the dog, I got the hole by the tail and threw it through the dog*. When I made this mistake the audience laughed heartily; and^after thev did stop laughing someone would snicker in the audience, and then they would break out afresh. While my face was burning I was saying to myself: "Let me get out of this, and I would like 00 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD to see the one who will get me into such a fix again." I said to myself: "I might know better than to try to lead a meeting like this." Some of the members told Brother Charlie Uzzell about my blunder, and how badly I felt, and he told me I must not stop at a little thing like that. He said he made mistakes, and the best of us did. H'e said he would not listen to my giving up the meet- ings ; I must go ahead. So I trusted God and was at the post of duty the next prayer meeting night. The room was full, not an empty chair, and the Lord wonderfully blessed us. There were from three to five conversions almost every Friday night. I would always do my work at home on Thursday and give Friday to prayer and studying of the bible. I would be in the Spirit all day, and when night came I was ready for the meeting. When first 1 started out to lead prayer meetings I would go through with my work while the little girls were out in the yard playing. Some- times the mother of the little girl would be at home, and when she saw me geting ready to go upstairs, if anyone came she would tell them I was upstairs preaching to the chairs. There was only one book I used besides the bible, this book had pictures of the rainbow and a railroad, and an engine on the road and a man with a lantern ; then other pictures explaining the bible and a spider's web, showing the net of the devil. I would take this book, and by the pictures I would get a subject in my mind; then I found the bible verses to compare with it. This is the way I began to lead meetings and to preach. This book, and the prayer book I tried to learn to pray out of, and two others, constituted my library for fifteen years. In all those years I had not read more than fifty columns from the newspapers all together. A few months after this I was led to ask some of the most spiritual ones how they would like to join a kind of workers' band. We would take up the jail work and county hospital. Fifteen of us united our- selves in the work, and everyone of those were young converts, most of them converted at the Friday night meetings. Many of them learned how to lead prayer meetings at the jails and hospitals, and became such workers that they could pray at the bedside of the sick or dying. This work went on for several years. We all wore badges of blue ribbon headed with a silver pin, and on the badges we had printed these words : "In God We Trust. Workers' Band of the People's Tabernacle." On the secretary's pin was engraved "Secretary." On my pin was engraved "Leader." We always had a meeting after the prayer meeting, where we would report each week. Once a year we would give our report to the church. There are both men and women leading meetings to- day who started to lead the first meeting in the Workers' Band. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS . IN THE ROUGH 87 You can see how I started out in this grand and glorious work for the Lord. Sister L and her little girl stayed with us nearly two years. CHAPTER IX. SHE had not worked long when an accident occurred. Her hand was caught in the mangle . as she was running the clothes through and crushed. She was brought home and the sur- geon was called. We tried to save her hand, but it was in vain. It swelled up as large as three hands. One afternoon, about 3 o'clock, a blood vessel burst in her hand, and we thought she would bleed to death before the surgeon could arrive. On exam- ining her hand he stated that two blood vessels had burst and that he would have to call another surgeon. She was bleeding so I asked the doctor if I could not assist him. He said he was afraid not, but I could try. He went to work. He probed for the blood vessel with a fine steel instrument. He pulled the vein out and asked me to hold the hook perfectly steady. I told him I could do anything in order to relieve her. I never saw one suffer as she did. She had lost too much blood to take anything to relieve the pain. I held the probe. I knew what it meant if the vein slipped- off the hook, and with my mouth and other hand I twisted silk thread while he tied each end of the vein. After the work was done and she was resting, I g-ot water for the doctor to wash his han^ds. He stood looking at me and smiled and said : "Mrs. Peterson, you would make a good surgeon." He had to acknowledge I had more pluck than he had. My nerves were steadier than his. I knew there was no time to send for another doctor, and all I did was to do my best. It was not long after this that my niece was burned by the explosion of a gasoline stove. Night and day for several weeks I stood over her. Time and time again have I been called to the hospital to stand by the son of some mother who ^ did not want to leave her boy alone with strange doctors, or with some wife or husband, till I think if that had been my calling I would have been ready to start out as a nurse. It was only a few days after this when the doctor said her hand must be taken off. Two surgeons came, and in my bedroom her hand was amputated. I cared for her till she was strong enough to get up. We can never forget the first morning she tried to dress. I said: "Now, Sister^ L , get up and get ready for breakfast." I sent Mr. Peterson m t( see if she was ready. She was partly dressed, sitting on the bed crying. He came into the kitchen and told me to go in. 88 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD "Now, my child, this will never do." I helped her to finish dressing, and when she would try to do anything she would try to use the poor stub as though the hand were there yet. She laid her head on my shoulder and wept like a child. I sat down on the bed and took her on my lap and there we wept together, and she cried: "Oh, Rachel, what shall I do." She said it seemed more than she could do when she had both hands to care for herself and child. "Now look at me," she sobbed, as her little girl stood there shedding tears with her mother. "Sister L , never mind," I said, "let us trust the Lord for everything. I will never see you want." - We went out to breakfast. She stayed with me several months after that, when her brother, John, came from California. He was just able to be around, for he had consumption and was not long for this world. He wanted to know if he could stay a few days. He had a little money, and Sister L had something left from her mother's estate. They occupied the two rooms upstairs. I did their wash- ing, and by such economies their little money lasted until spring. Her brother was confined to the bed most all the time. With this care and my home and the church work I had more than I could do. I knew I never could carry the burden, so on Monday after- noon at 4 o'clock I went to the meeting of the associated charities and- reported my case. Father McDevit, a Catholic priest, was chairman of the committee. Brother Uzzell introduced me to him as one of his workers. After. I had told my story Father McDevit addressed the meeting and said assistance must be rendered. "If we had citizens like this," he said, "we would need no hospitals." He then asked me what I wanted done. I told him I wanted the brother taken to St. Joseph's hospital, and Sister L and her child to have a room rented for them and food and fuel provided. Father McDevit telephoned to the hospital, and they told him the beds were all filled. He told them they must have a bed pre- pared by the next day, so I returned home and stated what I had done. They were so happy to think they would cease to be a burden to me. The next day I went and asked a lady if I could have her carriage to take this brother to the hospital, and in two days I had them all nicely provided for. I only missed one visit in the whole year that Brother John lay sick in the hospital. I went once a week till he died, and the time I missed I was sick with the quinsy. I took him little things to eat and did his washing the year he was there. In the summer I wiuld take him flowers, Every Wednesday he would look for me to bring his flowers or some dainties. They sent me word the morning that he died. When I went to the hospital the Sister Superior asked me if I MAKING HER W AY TO THE BED-CHAMBER AT THE MID-NIGHT HOUR OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 89 were his wife. I told her that I was not Then she said: "Only a sister." I said no, I was not a sister. "Are you his sweetheart?' she asked, and I said: "No, sister, I am nothing more to him than you are." Then I told her all about -how I came to know him, and she told me she had lived for years in a hospital, and that this was the first time she had ever seen a stranger take such an interest in anyone. That was why she thought I was something to him. He always called me sister to the boys in his ward. He would say: "Here comes my sister." I never went that I did not kiss him as I would my own brother, and gave him flowers and some little dainty to eat., .There were eight or ten cots in this ward. I would bring him clean clothes and take his soiled ones back with me. I always prayed with him before I left, till he got so deaf he could not hear, then I would write to him. My heart ached for the poor boys. How wistful they looked ! And they would say to John : "There are not many sisters as faithful as yours." He would smile and say, "I know it, boys," and tell them there was not another sister in the world like his. He would tell everyone that came into the ward how I had cured him that winter of catarrh. One evening, about two months before he went to the hospital, it came to me to rub his head. I did so, and cured him of catarrh, from which he had suffered more than he did from his lungs. He was so grateful that he could not help telling it to everyone* who came in. This was a busy year, but. I did not forget Sister L . She came every little while to see me. I knew she was all right, and before I knew it a month had gone by and I had not seen her. Think- ing something was wrong, I went to see her. As I stepped into the room I could see that I was not mistaken. She had already taken a misstep, and the chanty organization had learned of it in some way, and would do nothing^ for her. I knew something more than I could do must be done, so one morning I went to the court house to see the county commissioners. I went to the secretary, and she turned to the large book where they kept account of every- thing that had been done. As she was turning the leaves of the book she said: "No, we will not do any more for that woman." I had already been to the ladies' relief, and they refused me. The secretary pointed to a name in the book, and sajd: "Here is a lady by the name of Mrs. Peterson. She says she has refused to do for this woman, and she has done more than all of us put together." I said: "I am the woman." "What," she said, "are you Mrs. Peterson?" "Yes," I said, "and I would feed a poor yellow dog in the alley that was hungry, to say nothing of a human being." Then I asked her if she had heard of the "Friendly QO THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD Shelter" on Blake street. She said she had, that it was kind in Brother Uzzell to provide a shelter like that. I asked her if she had seen the mass of men that gathered there every night. She said she had not, but that the whole city was in sympathy with the work. I said : "Do you know there are men there as low as that woman dare be? This is the first wrong step this woman has taken ; and I venture to say that among those four hundred men years of dissipation and sin of all kinds would tell the story of their lives." I also told her how you could smell liquor upon their breath ; that they would get money some way for drink and tobacco, and then lie on the floor, t like a lot of hogs, without a 6ed, or anything to eat. "Compare this woman," I said, "with those men, will you?" I told her I would not be afraid to vouch that most of those men, no matter how low they had been, if they could dress up, would be recognized as respectable, and their past would not be questioned. I ask/sd her to tell me why this difference was made between man and woman. I told her I did not consider her a fallen woman, and that I thought they had a right to grant my request, as I was a citizen of Denver and a tax- payer. By this time I was in dead earnest, and I told her this woman should not want as long as I had a crust of bread. An old gentleman, who had been sitting back in the roam, rose from his seat and came toward us, laughing, and said : "Mrs. Peter- son, that talk is worth as nice a bill of groceries as ever went out of this court house, and you .shall have anything you ask for." He was one of the county commissioners. I told him I would take him at his word, and that I wanted $10 to buy her a tent, so I would not have to beg rent money for her. He told me to call the next morning and he would see what could be done. I gave them her number, and they sent her a nice lot of groceries. I was at the court house at 10 o'clock the next morning. They gave me the $10, and I bought her a tent and proceeded to Hallack's lumber yard to beg lumber for floor and siding. I then asked a carpenter to fix her tent. She was comfortable there. It was not long till she was to become a mother. I went to the maternity home and stated my case to the matron, where we took her, and where she gave birth to twins, one dying at birth. Before she was able to leave the home the other one died. Oh, how T prayed the dear Lord would take them home ! The neighbors looked after her tent while she was at the home, and when she became well and strong I fixed her up with some books and she started out as a book agent. I saw it was so hard for her to make a living, T started praying the Lord to send her a husband who would love her and care for her little girl. The Lord answered OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH QI my prayer, and to-day, while writing my book, she is living in California and doing well. I am mentioning a few of my expe- riences that the reader may have some idea of the kind of work I find to do, that it may help others. I will mention another fam- ily I was interested in shortly after Sister L was married. One of the girls attending the Tabernacle, and asked me to come and see them. I was. also interested in a fallen woman at the same time, and when I went to see this family I would stop and see her. The father of these two girls drank. These girls were married and lived at home with their father and mother. The mother was in the habit of taking morphine and drank a little. The husband of the oldest girl also drank, and the husband of the younger gambled. It was a pretty gay family. I could see only one in the family that would be a Christian the oldest girl. Her health was not good, and as I had hopes of her becoming a Christian, one evening I went to call on the family. The old gen- tleman was at home, under the influence of drink, and the old lady and the two girls were afraid he would say something insulting to me. They told me, as they went to the gate with me, it was the first time he ever treated a Christian properly when he was drinking. I talked to him about his soul, and we had prayer, and he knelt down when we prayed. I had not visited the family long when the baby of the oldest daughter died. I baptized the little thing and conducted the services. The oldest daughter was converted. I was called to the home one evening, ten days after the death of the baby, when the youngest daughter's husband was found to be dying. He had taken his' mother-in-law's morphine, and the doctors could not save him. We had a dreadful time that night. The wife of the dying man was hysterical and the old man was in spasms, it taking two men to hold him. He always went into a spasm when excited from drink. The old lady hardly knew what she was doing from the effects of morphine. The only one in her right mind was the oldest girl. Even her husband was under the influence of drink most of the time. I never saw a family like this one before. A few weeks later the husband of the oldest daughter got his mother-in-law's morphine bottle and went the same way as had his brother-in-law. That night was one long to be remembered. A great crowd of people had gathered there, and the rumor was started that someone had poisoned him. old man was crazy with drink, while the old lady was beside herself from the drug. The younger girl had hysterics again because of the rumor that some of the family had poisoned ^ brother-in-law. After he died, the great mass of people that 1 gathered in the street gradually lessened, and by midnight every- 92 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD thing was quiet. They took the dead man to the undertaker's, while the old man lay in a drunken sleep and the old lady sat in a stupor. The younger daughter finally quieted down, and quietude settled over the home with a death-like stillness. I put on my wraps, saying to myself: "Lord, deliver me from many such experiences as this." For three hours I had run from one to the other, thinking every moment that the police would arrest the whole house. I bade them good night and hurried down the walk to the gate. As the night was dark and still, and but few were upon the street, I looked up and down, mentally asking the Lord to pro- tect me. It was in what is called the slums of the city, and as T drew my wraps around me, the air being keen and cold, I thought to myself: "Oh, God! Is hell any worse than this home?" I thought it would be all the hell anyone could bear who was not ac- customed to such a life to have to spend eternity with a class of people who drank and used morphine, "murderers and those that love and make a lie." Oh, what a place hell must be ! God tells us there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth (Rev. 22:15), and on the other hand he says, in Rev. 22:14: "Blessed are they which do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city." If we do not do his will here, does not our own reason tell us that we do not deserve a right to the tree of life? And if we do not love him here, how can we love him beyond the grave? The grave does not make a change in us, for there is no virtue in the grave. The change must come on this side. Otherwise we must live with just such people as I have been telling you about. Oh, that we may 'not put it off until too late! I have stood by the bedside and seen with mine own eyes people who have put it off day by day, and their last words were: "Too late, too late." After all the trouble in this family I have enumerated, I visited the home, hoping that this girl might be rescued from the baneful influences and become a Christian. I was fearful what would be- come of her, with her poor health, for she was not able to work. Again I earnestly prayed God to provide a way. I never stopped praying for that dear girl. It was not long till the Lord sent some- one along to love her. She was married. Her husband was a Christian. A good many years after this marriage, one day at noon, as we were eating lunch, a young: man rode up on horse- back, and asked if I would come down. The old lady was not expected to live. It was not long till I was kneeling by her bedside, asking God for Christ's sake to forgive her, and to answer the prayers of this daughter, who had prayed so many years for her dear mother. She repented, and her last words were, with a OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 93 smile upon her face : "Jesus saves, Jesus saves I"- Thus she passed away. They asked me to conduct the funeral, and what a com- fort it was to me to know that God had used me as an instrument to save two out of that wicked home! At the time I was laboring with this family there were good Christians who would say: "Sister Peterson, why do you waste your time on a family like that when there is so much to do, when no good can come of it?" I was not easily discouraged by what good people might say. Someone might ask: "Why do you call these people good?" They were, only they were near-sighted, and could not see that God was able to rescue them from the depths of the most dreadful sin. One evening, at our meetings, I was talking to a young girl. She told me she was not well, and asked me if I would call upon her family, who were not Christians. The mother was not married to the man with whom she was living. The girl was taken very sick, and the doctor said she could not live, but might linger several months. I visited the home often. The girl was con- verted. The mother and father were married, and the home be- came a Christian home. At this time I was caring for a woman afflicted with quick consumption. I had made but few visits to the house before she was converted. They were poor, and she became very dissatisfied with the way her mother and myself were providing for her. She thought one day she would sell tickets for a ball, and in that way get the clothes she wanted and have some money besides. It was about two weeks afterwards when she came and asked me to forgive her. It was one afternoon when, looking out of the kitchen window, I saw her coming up the back walk. I said to myself: "Here she comes. Bless her dear heart. I knew she would." As I opened the door I just opened my arms and smiled, and she knew what that meant. As she looked into my face with an inquiring look there were tears rolling down her pale face. I soothed her as a mother would her own child, while she told me in tears how sorry she was, and how miserable she had been, and how far away from the Lord she had gotten! "You know I can't go to the church any more," she told me, "for they even 'went for you' for doing for me, saying you were covering up my sins and upholding me in them." She knew I did not feel like that towards her, and she felt she could come to me. Someone had gone to her and told her how the church felt toward her, and said they thought I should have better judgment than to do the way I was doing. By this time I had gotten a pillow, and she was lying on the lounge, resting. I sat by her side, smoothing her hair and told her not to mind what anyone said, but to do what was right She promised me she would come to the Friday evening 94 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD meeting, and she would let everyone t know how sorry she was. The next Friday evening she was there, and confessed Christ again before the church. It was the last time she was in the church till she came in in her coffin. I want you to remember how they said I was upholding her in her sins. She had taken sick sud- denly and was confined to her bed only a few weeks, when she died happy in the Lord. The last words she said were: "Oh, mama, it is so nice to die when you are a Christian, and trusting in the Lord. Mama, it is not hard to die." Asking the family to meet her in heaven, she passed away. As I looked upon her face in death I thanked the Lord for leading me as he had. If I had listened to those who are so ready to condemn and advise those who are doing the work, you see plainly she might have been lost. I wondered how they could look into the face of that dear girl, after saying so many hard things about her, without going out, looking up to God as did the publican, and saying: "God, be merciful to me, a sinner." If you know of Christians who have no patience with those who are falling by the wayside, let them read of this girl's case, and perhaps it will help them to remember God's injunction: "Speak not evil one of another." The fallen girl I spoke of calling on while I was working with this family was brought to my attention one evening by Sister C . She came to me after church and asked if I would go and see her. She was an occupant of a sporting house, and was very sick. "I am led to come to you," she said to me. "Some way I feel that you are the one to go to her." So many have asked how I rind these people, sometimes referred to as "hoboes" and "the scum of humanity." At the time I went to see this girl I had only been a Christian about six years, and had been an active worker only three. People often told me I was the one to go into this or that kind of a place. Someone needed to go, and I usually went. Somehow they were led to trust me, and there was a something in them that drew me to them. If the Lord has called you to this work, there will be more led to you than you will be able to see and minister to, especially if you have a home and home cares, as I have had all these years. The Lord has called everyone to do more or less of this kind of work, and there is not one in a thou- sand who realizes or will listen to the call. As soon as the Lord blesses them to fit them for the work and to teach them how to be led by the Spirit, they too often become interested in other things. I tell you it takes more of the Spirit of God to go into a home, be it of high or low degree, and get the confidence and trust of those within, yea, to get the love of the entire family, than it does to preach a sermon. I care not how much of a OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 95 Christian you are, if you have not the Spirit of God to draw them to you and more than ordinary good feeling toward them, you will fail. You cannot deceive humanitv one bit. If you have not the divine love of God in vour heart for the work your labors will be in vain. Kind words and smiles, or even prayers, do not convict persons or families of sins. The Lord tells us in his word, except they be drawn to him they cannot come, except the Father draw them. And this must be done bv the Spirit of God, and when the Lord blesses you for this work, do not think you have been called to preach, or get your name in the paper, or do some great thing. He blesses you that you may be able to stand temptation and trials, that you may be willing to do the little things. What some might term the common work, means to go out into the highways and by-ways after souls, without being afraid of soiling your own hands. You may have to give to others, but he blesses you in order that you may have the strength to look out for the welfare of others, and to think not of yourself. You may not be able to wear better clothes, or have more money or influence ome, but you will be able to do more good deeds, and you will be blessed in your work by feeling glad that you can do the good you are doing, and God will see that you are rewarded in many ways. He tells us in his word : "You shall receive your reward for what you have done." Is that reward to be in this life, or the life to come? Even kind deeds will not alone get us into heaven. We must have the Spirit of God in us, and his blessings are to enable us to live such a life that the Spirit will be in us and remain with us. One may have all those faculties or gifts for they are gifts from God and not the Spirit; but give me the Spirit, if I do not have more than one of those gifts, and I will show you who will be the one who will draw the people. Now get my meaning. You will draw the people with your edu- cation and money and kind deeds and eloquent sermons, and yet not be able to get them convicted or sin, or lead or teach them how to receive the Spirit, or enable them to get hold of the truth that will bring them into the spiritual life, though they may love you for your kindness to them. They will soon find out that your help is not what makes them successful in the spiritual life, for without the Spirit of God we cannot help the spirit of man, or do his soul good. Kind deeds will bless his body, but it will not make him realize the Spirit of God. or spiritual things. There is a difference in doing a kind deed in the Spirit of God and in our own strength. So many do good deeds in the name of God, but not in his Spirit, for have not many come to the Lord and said: "Have I not done wonderful works in thy name?" And 96 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD what has been his answer to them? "Depart from me, for I never knew you." The works we want are those that have the fruits of the Spirit along with the other works, that we may see a spiritual work done; not merely getting them united to the church, but a spiritual people is what is needed. Paul wrote to the brethren at Collosse that he had not ceased praying that they might be fruitful in every good work. (Col. 1:10.) Who can do good work and not be fruitful? We can love and not have the Spirit. That kind of love\ will not draw the people to the Lord and spiritualize them. Listen to what Paul said in Col. i :8 : "Who also declared unto us your love in the Spirit." So you see we. must love one another in the Spirit of God, and not in our own natural spirit. If we do we love out of the Spirit. There is no one without some kind of love, who does a good work. It may be the love for the name of it, or love for the deed itself. One might love to feed the poor as he would love to feed anything that was hungry, or just for the love of humanity, which is a great love that cannot be compared to any of God's creation, and yet that love is not the love of God, except you love in the Spirit. Someone may ask how we are to know when we have the Spirit. You may know when you have the Spirit in you by your own ways, not around you, but in you. There are so many who think when they feel the Spirit they have him There is a difference in drinking a glass of water and having the glass of water applied to your face. One does you good in one way, but not the good it would do if you drank it, for that will give you strength. So it is with the Spirit. You'll know whether you have the Spirit or not by the strength you have; from your ability to live your secret lives so as to bring forth the fruits of the Spirit, whether you act them in your home life or not. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance (Gal. 5: 22,23). If we do the work in the Spirit, then we will receive a reward in heaven, not alone here on earth, and if not your work will be burned in the day of judgment, and you yourself saved as by fire, because you have faith, for God says we are saved by faith, not by works, "for ye are led by the Spirit and ye are not under the works of the law" (Col. 5:18-20). Read the 2Oth verse, where the Lord speaks of wrath and strife, and then read the 22d verse. By getting angry and contending we show works of the flesh. It is not the spirit of the one who has the fruits of the Spirit. You cannot help seeing when you are spiteful, or have a desire to "get back" at people, and say things that are cutting and sharp, or even go pouting around the house, that you are not led by the Spirit. The Spirit may come to help you at times, and you may OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 97 feel*the presence of the Spirit, but he has not yet taken up his abode with you. That is, you have not become the temple of the Spirit of the living God, -being under the law and in the power and control of the flesh. Can you not see that the Spirit cannot lead us when our spirits or the spirit of the flesh is controlling us? There are too many of us working for God who do not live the fruits of the Spirit, and our works will never stand the test of the judgment fires, and our works will not profit us anything, if we have not the fruits. We cannot have the fruits except we have the constant, inward abiding of the Holy Spirit, that we may yield forth the fruits of the Spirit at every trying moment, either in the greatest or smallest temptation. You can make up your mind if you are living a material instead of a spiritual life that God will reward you in this life, but your works will not stand the test which God says will try every man's works. Why? Because, as I have said, you have not the love of the Spirit, and except you have the love of the Spirit, and you will lose your reward at the judgment. You may know when you have the spirit of love, because you will have the fruits. Now the best thing that we can do is to lay aside all malice and envy and strife, and begin to be led by the Spirit before we go any further, if we desire a reward at the judgment. I want to live so that I may have a reward here and a reward that the judgment fire will not burn up, and I know I can if I have this love of the Spirit, and whatever I do, do in the love of the Spirit. Do you know there are thousands of Christian people to-day who only have one of those fruits, and are barren of the other eight? And the one fruit they have is faith. Now what kind of a reward are they going to get? The reward spoken of; they will be saved as by fire. I tell you it means something to always be good and kind to everything and everybody at all times and under all circumstances. It is easy enough to be kind to those who are kind to us and to be gentle when there is nothing coming up to disturb us. I meet many mild-mannered people in church who will smile and take me by the hand when in their hearts they do not love me. I can feel it, and have felt it when God knows I never harmed a hair of one of their heads, or said one evil thing of them. If they had this love that I have been speaking of it would be a cheerful, easy thing to love anyone, for love naturally or -spiritually makes all paths of 'life easy, and when you cannot love as you should those who are not your enemies, and who have never harmed or wronged you, how could you love your enemies? You will say, "I will forgive them, but I want nothing to do with them or say to them," and you will get on the other side of the street when you see them coming, or avoid meeting 98 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD them in church. What kind of an impression or influence -will one have who has that kind of a heart and spirit? Smiling ways do not stop the bad feeling and bad influence .that comes from the heart, and the shake of such a person's hand has no more inspira- tion in it than a dog's paw. We may think it does, for we are blind, but anyone who has had much to do with human nature can usually, tell whether one has this kind of a heart or not when they shake hands with them. One who harbors the spirit of selfish- ness, and lives for no one but himself and his own family, has no helpfulness in the shake of his hand, neither has he power or influence. I tell you there is nothing but the Holy Spirit in you and leading you that will help anyone spiritually. But I was going to tell you about this girl. Sister C and I started out to see her, and Sister C iwas telling me on our way the best way to talk to her. I said to Sister C that what I must do or say must be left with the Holy Spirit. He must lead me. N'either she nor I knew the condition of her heart, but the Holy Spirit knew her inmost thoughts. I had long before learned to wait and listen to what the Spirit brought to me to say or do when I was brought to the bedside of a suffering soul. As I was going up the stairs I said : "Lord, take my will, and Holy Spirit lead me." Sister C rapped on the door lightly, and a faint voice said : "Come in." I shall never forget the sight that met my eyes. There in the middle of the room, in a large rocking chair, with pillows all around her, she sat, but oh, so pale ! Noth- ing but a skeleton she seemed, and her large, sad, blue eyes only gave her a more deathly appearance, and in such a place made it that much more solemn to me. I went to her side and took her hand, and Sister C introduced me, saying: "Mollie, dear, this is Sister Peterson." The girl had riveted her eyes upon me when I came into the room. Still looking at me, she asked us to be seated. To break her steady gaze, I said: "Mollie, dear, how long have you been sick?" "Oh not long," she said. "The doctor tells me I have quick consumption, and that I cannot live long. I did not send for you. I knew it would do no good ; but Mrs. C said she was going to have you come. I always did believe in God though, for my mother was a Christian." When she said "mother," her eyes filled with tears. "I was only seven years old when mother died." Her voice trembled all the time she was, telling her sad story. My heart was lifted to God. That mother's God would answer prayer. As I held her hand she said : "I can remember mother teaching me a little prayer." I asked her- what the prayer was. Her lips quivered as she said: "This is it; OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 99 " 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.' " As she stopped she looked me steadily in the eyes and said : "If mother had lived I would not be where I am to-day. In a little over a year after her death my father remarried. I was nine years old when I went out to work. I got into a rough fam- ily, and at eleven years of age I was a bad girl. I went from bad to worse, and it was not long till I was living a life like this." "Now, Mollie, do you not know there is hope for you?" She only laughed a sad, hollow laugh, and in a low tone as if she were talking to herself, with a sad far-away look in her eyes she said : "There is no hope for me. I am too far away from God, and too deep in sin, to even think of doing right. Think of me coming now and trying to be a Christian when I know I am going to die ! Think of me asking him to take me for the few months that I have to live ! No ; I'll never come now, for I cannot believe that he will take me when I have wasted my life in sin, as I have." Then I told her how the Lord had saved others that were as deep in sin as she; that they had come and the Lord did not turn them away, and that he would not turn her away if she would only be willing to come. She said it was against her will to be lost. "Mollie," I said, " a willing mind God will accept." I repeated some of the promises of God's word to her, telling her that God had said, "whomsoever will, may come," and that is your will. I asked her if I might pray. "Yes," she said, "but it will do no good." I had hardly knelt when the Holy Spirit came with mighty convicting power. I had not been praying long when she began to weep, and when I ceased praying she asked me, with tears streaming down her face : "Do you really think there is hope for me?" I said: "Mollie, he plainly tells us in his word that he came to call sinners, not the righteous ; that he died for those that were lost, for the ungodly; that his blood was shed upon Calvary for those who were deep down in sin." "If I only could think there was hope for me," she said. Then I knelt again and plead with the Lord to help her to see. I requested her to pray while I was praying; then I asked Sister C to pray. While she was praying I talked to her, and while I was telling her how to come the light broke in upon her soul and again I knelt and prayed and thanked the Lord for his mercy and goodness to us. I bade her good night, as it was near 12 o'clock and I had two miles to go. Sister C stayed all night with her. I called the next afternoon. She was all right and trusting the Lord. I told her hpw to trust 100 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD him, and then we both prayed. She was not long in this place when the madam of the house said she would like the room. There was a young man working in a livery stable who came to see her. I had met him several times in her room. I asked Mollie where the livery stable was, and told her I wanted to see him. I told him we would have to find a place for her to stay ; that I had done so much I felt I was not able to continue, and if he was willing to help her I would do what I could. In a few days he found her a place. He had to take her where someone would look after her. I went to see her, and she said: "Mama" (for she had asked to call me mama. She said I -had come the nearest to being a mother to her in all these years, and I told her she might, if it would be a comfort to her, though there was but a few years difference in our ages), "Mama," she said, "this is not a very nice place; if anything it is worse than the place I came from. I know it will make no difference with me. Though they are rough they will be good to me, and 'Billy' (this was the young man) needs every cent he makes to help me and keep himself. They only come in to see what I want, and then they go away and leave me alone." I asked her what kind of a place it was. She said it was a recruit house. When one of the girls was sick or broken down or dis- eased, they would come there till they recovered, then they would go back to their old life. I said to myself : "This is the first time I ever was in a place like this." She said they would not allow Christians up there, that some of the Salvation Army had been up there but they would not let them stay, and when some of the Holiness Band called they took out their watches and timed them, giving them so many minutes to get down the steps or they would throw them down, but she said: "Mama, you need not fear. I have told them about you ; how kin/1 you have been to me, and how I wanted you to come." I called to see her till she died. Not one of them said anything to me. There was not one in the house but soon learned my step, and knew how long I stayed before I prayed. It would make Mollie so happy, because they would all gather around the door to hear me pray. The hall would be full. They would come out on their tiptoes and be as still as mice, and when I got through they would all tiptoe back into their rooms. I could go into the kitchen and ask for anything I wanted for Mollie, and no matter how drunk the cook was, she always would get whatever I asked for. Sometimes there would be seven or eight in the kitchen, men and women, and all drunk, but they were always kind to me. They had stood by -Mollie's bedroom and heard me pray. Jt did me so much good to see that dear girl go from room to room, pushing a chair before her, for she was too weak OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 101 to walk alone. She would go to those who were sick and talk to them about their souls, and tell them she would get "Mama" to pray for them. One evening I went up to see her and she told me there was a sick girl in the house, who had come from Cheyenne, suffering from a dreadful disease, which had broken out on her face. With it all she was still a beautiful girl. Mollie wanted me to go in and see her. Mollie could not go with me, for she was too weak. I rapped on the door, and was told to come in. Before I could open the door a man opened it. As I entered I thanked him and went over to the bedside of the sick girl and told her who I was. "I know," she said, "Mollie has been telling me about you." As I took her hand I kissed her, and after I started home I got to thinking of the sores that were on her mouth, and I prayed the Lord to protect me, as I had kissed her in his name that she might know that I loved her and that I was there for that purpose because God had given me that love for her. I knew in that act I could do more to convince her that I did not feel myself above her and to make her feel at home in my presence than any other way. There were two men in the room. One attracted my attention. He was a fine-looking man, handsomely dressed, with a silk hat and gold-headed cane, diamond studs in his shirt front and a diamond ring upon his finger. I could tell from his appearance and conversation that he had been well raised. The girl told him who I was. I had almost forgotten where I was,- for the Lord was there as real as if it had been in the church. I asked her if I might pray. The man referred to started as if to go. I wanted to pray before he left, and as I said, "let us pray," he held his hat in his hand and bowed his head. When I arose and was wiping my eyes with my handker- chief for the Lord had wonderfully blessed me in prayer he came over to me and took my hand, thanked me for my prayer, bade us good-night and left the room. The next time I called upon Mollie she told me I never would know the good I had done in that house. She said : "Mama, I never heard religion talked everywhere as it is here." She asked if I remembered the well-dressed man who was in the room with the sick girl. "He came back the next day, mama," she added, "and the first thing he asked was who you were and where you came from." When informed, he said : "Does she live here in Denver? Why, I did not know there was a woman in Denver who would come into a place like this, and could make everyone feel at home in her presence, as she did last evening. Do you think, girls, I will ever forget that prayer, or be able to get away from its burning words? No, that prayer will follow me to my grave !" I knew I was strong in the Spirit IO2 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD that evening, but I did not know that the Spirit was going to convict him. I never saw him again, though I pray for him. I would often take Mollie down to the restaurant for supper when she was well enough to walk. She was so weak that in order to walk is was necessary for her to put her arm around my waist, while I would put mine around her shoulder. At last she got so weak she could not leave her room, then I would have to be content with taking her little things I knew she would relish. The last thing I took her was a fresh cherry pie. A little while before her death my little girl was taken sick, and it was almost two weeks before I could call upon her. Someone told her I could not come. There were times she would have high fever and in her delirium she would want to come to me. They said she would start for the window, and in her weakness she would fall. She would then beg them to take her to me, so one day while she was in her right mind they drove her up to my house in a carriage. They carried her into the house, and the only word she said was "Mama," then she fainted. The ride was too much for her. I told her she must go back and go to bed, and that I would come to see her. I promised her no matter what happened, if she wanted to see me so bad as that, I would come. I went every two or three days after that up to the time of her death. One afternoon I was sit- ting by her bedside holding her thin, wasted hand in mine. I never saw her look so sad as she did that afternoon. It was about a month before she died. I asked her: "Mollie, why do you look so sad at times? Is it because you want something you cannot get, or is it that you feel worse?" I saw a faint smile play around her mouth as she pressed my hand lightly. A deep sigh escaped her lips, as she turned her big blue eyes toward me. She had been gazing out of the window, looking so lonely I could not help asking her the question. "Mama," she said, after a moment's pause, "I am going to tell you. I cannot remember the time I was ever loved by anyone except you and mother. I was so young when mother loved me I could not realize it as I do now, though my heart long hungered for that love and care not so much now. mama, as in by-gone days, when I knew no one loved me. There never was a time when I could talk about this subject as I can this afternoon, and I will tell you why, mama. I know you love me. I can feel your heart go out to me, and I will never be able to tell you the good it has done me. And I know Jesus loves me, and O what a peace and comfort it is ! All this other is gone, never to return again." She was quiet for several moments, then she con- tinued : "Mama, I never loved but one man in my life. At that time I was not what one might call a wreck in life, for I did not OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH IO3 intend to give up all hope and go to the depths of sin, as I did. I was yet in my te'ens when I met this man and I believed in all the promises he made me. Oh, how I did love him. My foolish young heart could not dream of such a thing as doubting him, mama; and yet he left me. Yes, he went away and left me." As these last words lingered on her lips she seemed to drift away into a dream of thought, and to break the sad stillness that had gathered around us, I said : "Mollie, darling, let's talk about something more cheerful." "No, mama," she answered, "let me finish my story. Do you know what it means to be out in this cold, friendless world without one soul to go to when your heart is breaking?" "Yes, Mollie," I replied, "I know more than the world thinks I do. Yes, there is more pain and suffering in a life like that than the English tongue can tell, and more than the finite mind of the human race can conceive, and only those that are homeless and friendless and without a comforting word or a word of encouragement can know." Then my young life came back to me how I, too, had faced the cold and friendless world alone on crutches, having no knowledge of the ways of this cunning, wicked, selfish humanity, and how I had suffered. I could not help gathering the poor little wasted form in my arms and loving her as only a mother can love, and we mingled our tears together, for God teJls us to weep with those that weep, and I surely did that afternoon. I kissed her tears away, and we prayed and thanked God that we had met, and in the sweet by and by we would meet again. She never did finish her story. It was so sad I thought I would give her no more pain, and was sorry I ever asked her to tell me. She realized that her life had been a wreck and Jesus had taken her up when all had forsaken her how wonderful! Then I thought how little there is in this life to live for after all, and how little we can depend on anything but the Lord, and how few there are that know it, and how much there is for us to do, to go out in the name of our Master and find both men and women on the shores of time that the devil has made a wreck of, drifting here and there with no anchor, no helm, no hope. Oh, what despair must settle down over a soul like that! Re- member, my dear reader, we can do nothing without the Spirit, and we can have him if we will live for him. It seemed my soul would burst with a flood of thoughts that filled .me, and these words came to me. I had never seen them in print, and I thought I would write them and some day have them printed, not thinking at that time that I would write my life : "During my ten years of mission work I have listened to many sad stories of sin and misery, and my heart has been wrung by 104 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD the stories that have been the cause of the downfall and ruin of so many girls, beautiful and cultured, now lost and ruined, that I think a woman going through her first young love is not de- graded by it, because when the deceiver comes she does not realize that she is doing evil. It is only when the man casts her off that she sees herself as he sees her a thing degraded and dishonored." This is the story of so many I am called to pray with. Ten years ago Mollie Hill gave her heart to God and went home to meet her dear mother in heaven, .rich in glory at last, praising his holy name, and still this is the story that is told me repeatedly: "My heart and soul went out to him irresistibly. I forgot my self- respect, the dignity of womanhood, everything that a woman ought to remember. I did not realize or understand, for before this all my surroundings had been pure and refined, and I was inno- cent and inexperienced, ignorant of the world's ways, astonishingly ignorant, incredibly innocent. I can hardly believe myself that I could have been so innocent, looking back as I do from my present dreadful depths of knowledge across the gulf of those awful years, with their dreadful and frightful relations." These are the words that came to me after hearing the story of Mollie Hill. I asked myself: What is love? And these are the thoughts that came to me: Love is like a feather in the air. It will soon fleet away, whence no one knows. It will lead you to think of him in the stillness of night, when the moon creeps into your window and the stars twinkle brightly in the heavens. It is then you appear like a rosebud that has been plucked from the bush, or a snow- flake that has fallen from the heavens to 'the earth to be trodden by human feet. It is then you will stray into the mysterious realms of the unknown. Those who knew you once will know you no more. You will kiss the token of his love and die alone. No one is near to give you a parting kiss or consoling word. Death comes and you are far away from your dear old home. When the green moss grows above you, you will have no one to mourn for you. Though the trees seem to mourn and the stars to weep, there will be no kind hand to plant a flower, or a tongue to say: "My loved one lies here." But, alas ! a mother's child, a broken heart lies beneath that rude, cold mound. Dear reader, give your heart to Jesus, the one who is able to keep you in this life, and help y|ou to live a happy life here, and save you in the better world above. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 1OS CHAPTER X. YES, I find this the only remedy or help, to give ourselves to the one who paid the debt on Calvary, as this dear child did. Her last words were: "Mama, dear, I'll be at the gates of heaven waiting for you. Look for me when you come." I cannot help believing the first one I will meet, after I meet my Savior, will be dear Mollie Hill, the poor, fallen outcast, despised by the heartless, thoughtless, selfish crowd of church-going people. Too many despise them. You may think I am harsh in saying Christian people. Do I know this to be a fact? Yes; too well do I know it. I blush with shame to think I must acknowledge there are so many who are following the Savior afar off. If we follow him and walk in his footsteps we must be found at the well, talk- ing to them as he was found doing, and anywhere that we may have an opportunity, though we may be marveled at as his own disciples marveled at him. When you see a disciple marveling you may know he is following the Savior afar off; that he has not yet gotten in touch with the Lord; that the Spirit is not leading him. He is allowing temporal things to draw his attention. So it will be with you, dear child of God. There are plenty who will try to get you into other lines of work, and tell vou that vou are wasting your time. But I say, do not think your work is finished here on earth till you have taken into vour arms some mother's fallen girl, or some mother's fallen boy, though he may be filthy with dirt and rags. There was a time when he nestled at mother's breast as clean and pure as your own child. Do not think you have so much to do that you cannot take into your home one of these poor outcasts, and give him a mother's love and a sister's care. Doubt not that God loves them, whether you do or not. It is not an assumed love not a love of duty to. them but a real, deep, heart love, that will have power and draw them to you that they will not stay away something that they can feel. I know from wide experience they will struggle hard to please you if they know you love them. And then, as gently as a mother with her child, point them to Jesus. If they fail, have patience with them, as you would with your own boy or girl. I know there are foolish mothers, who have not patience with their own children; and yet they say they are Christians. This kind of father or mother or Christian is not fit to take one of these fallen men or women into his home. He cannot have the right kind of love or feeling toward the outcast. He is as helpless to help such a person as the person 106 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD is to help himself. I do not mean that we should feed these out- casts as we should feel an animal, a dog or a cat ; oh, no ; I mean to love them with your heart. Then they will feel at home in .your presence. If you do not love them with that kind of love they will know it. I do not care how kind you are, the kindness will do them but little good if you do not use every effort to get them to see their sins, that they may be born of God. I do not care how grateful they may be, your work alone without God's work will do them but little good. It must be the Spirit, and the Spirit will work through you to them. If you have not the Spirit, it is the blind leading the blind, and you and they will fall into the ditch together; for your work will be in vain. But to return to my story: I conducted her funeral services in Miller's undertaking estab- lishment. The room was filled with those women. The madam of the house in which she was taken sick paid for the carriages and coffin and shroud. I never before attended a service like that, where there were so many tears shed as there were that Sunday morning. The Lord led me to talk very plain to those girls. As we all stood there to look on one that death had fastened his clutches upon, not knowing who would go next, oh, how I was led to warn them, and try to pursuade them to be ready ! After the lady who had her hand taken off left my home I prayed the Lord to send someone to take the rooms upstairs, for I could not get along without someone to stav with my little girl. In a few days a sister in the church asked me for the rooms. She had not been converted long. There was herself, her husband and little boy. They stayed nearly a year. She was a member of the workers' band. The evening that Sister C was converted I went home with her and her husband. I did not know why I was led to go home with her. The Lord wanted me to go. It was on my way home, and as I stopped at the gate to bid them good- night the Spirit kept prompting me to ask to go in awhile. I said : "Lord, it is getting late." Still I was led to go in, so I asked Sister C if I might go in a little while. She said, "yes," so I went in. As I sat down I saw why the Lord wanted me to go in. I hadn't been in but a few minutes when Brother C began to ask me questions, and I was led to tell my experience, and how Mr. Peterson and I got along before I was converted; how I left him three times before I was saved, and how differently we had gotten along the last four years that I never thought of leaving him since. While I was talking there were four or five in the ad- joining room playing cards. As I got along in -my story I was talking loud it was not long till the card-playing ceased and I OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 167 had everything my own way. I was telling how I had played cards and drank beer. If you think there are none but the low and outcasts that play cards you are very much mistaken. If there is a class that reads this book that is ignorant of this fact, I would say for their benefit that euchre parties and games of all kinds, and all kinds of drinks, are known among what is called the high class, and in society, and in the middle class. After I had told my experience, and asked if I could pray, I asked her husband if he would kneel with us. Then I asked Sister C to pray. While she was praying I went over to her husband, as I could see the Spirit had convicted him, but he was not converted while I was there. All that night he could not sleep, and toward morning was con- verted. It was ii o'clock when I left their home. I wondered who the people playing cards in the next room were, and why the Lord led me to tell how unhappy Mr. Peterson and I had lived, and how angry I used to get. The next morning, about 10 o'clock, Sister C came and told me how the Lord had used my prayer and experience. She said her husband was converted that night, and had asked if I had heard them playing cards in the other room. She said they were her father and mother, and her brother and his wife. She said: "You told how unhappy your home was before you were converted, and how you would throw the dishes and slam things around; that is the way my husband and I have been living." I told her that I knew the Lord had led me to tell of my experience, and now I could see why. She said : "This morning my mother said she had played the last card she would ever play." It was not long till they were all converted but the father, and he and I had several talks. He would say there was nothing like that for him. "Do you think," he said, "that I, after sixty-seven years, would have an experience like you are all talking about?" He said all he could hear talked of late was religion. I told him I knew he would be convicted of sin if he would but listen to what I said. I said: "Mr. H , if the Holy Spirit has never convicted you of sin the day will come when he will, and you will know it no one will have to tell you." He an- swered : "Mrs. Peterson, I want to tell you that you do not know what you are talking about when you talk to an old man as yon do to me. I think if you were a Christian you would not insult an old man, old enough to be your father, just to have your own way." I said : "Mr. H , I do not want my way. It is God's way." "Do you think?" he asked. "I am a man who has gone through the war in the time of the rebellion, where the bullets fell like hail, and I have gone to church all my life, being raised a Christian, and even went so far as to join the church, and with log THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD all this I have never felt the Spirit, as you call it, or that I was a sinner. I know no one, who is reasonable, could help saying they have done wrong, out to feel myself a sinner and go to God for forgiveness, when I have all my life been honest, and have dealt with my fellowman as I would have him deal with me, and being good to my family, is another thing. I know my father was not as kind to his family as I have been to mine, and yet he was a Christian." I could see that Mr. H was angry. He took his hat, and as he went out at the door, I said: "Mark what I tell you, you will never enter eternity till the Holy Spirit has convicted you of sin ; and when he does, you will know it." His wife turned to me and said : "Sister Peterson, I am so sorry. I thought you would be the one to lead him out into the light, for he thought so much of you." 1 said : "Well, I could not help saying what I did." I told Sister H that I would come over in the morning and see how he felt; but when he saw me coming he went out. Sister H said : "It is too bad." I said : "I am sure the Lord wanted me to say what I did, and I am sure it is all right." "Oh ! Sister Peterson, how could it be all right, when you see how he does?" I had said nothing but the truth. "The truth," I said, "is right; and it will come all right." She could not see it. I said: "Let. us pray, and ask the Lord to take care of everything that has been said." This was on Thursday. He told us after he was converted how he felt toward me. He thought, as I was a young woman, with no education and little experience, I would stand and talk to him as though I knew it all. But when I said to him, "Mark what I tell you, Mr. H , the time will come when you will feel that you are a miserable sinner, and it will be before you die," the words, he said, burned deeply into his heart and soul. For three days, he said, he could not drive this from his mind. He thought he would go to the Taber- nacle and perhaps it would leave him, but he said it got worse. On his way home from the church he stopped and got a drink or two, thinking that would make him forget what I had said to him, but he could not sleep. Again, when Wednesday night came, he said: "I will go and ask the people to pray ^or me." His wife said she never saw him so cross. After raising his hand for prayers he said he then left the church. He said when he got to the side-walk it came to him if he would go back and tell them how he felt he would feel better. He did so. As he started to tell them, he said the feeling I had told him of came to him that he was a miserable sinner and he gave his heart to God. The last I heard of them he was leading the Sunday morning class OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH IOQ meeting near Los Angeles, Calif. He said afterward that he be- lieved if I had not talked to him as I did he never would have been converted. I knew the Holy Spirit had led me to say what I did, and I knew good would come of it. After Sister C left my house I let the rooms to another lady, Sister T , a nurse, about forty-five years of age. She was a member of the Tabernacle, having become one a few months before she came to live with me. While Sister C and her husband rented of me I had some trouble to get them to bear with one another's faults. One morning, about 8 o'clock, I heard some loud talking upstairs. I knew what was the matter. I took the broom and hammered on the ceiling, but they did not stop as they had before when I rapped with the broom-handle. I would beg both of them to get on their knees when they saw there was any kind of trouble coming. I had begged them to get separate rooms. I thought that, perhaps, would make a difference. It did, but they soon got back again into their old habits, so I locked the kitchen door and went upstairs to see if I could settle the trouble. I had not been up there long when 1 heard my little girl trying to get out at the door. I said to Sister C : "I will go down and get my little girl and come back." As I turned to the door I heard glass breaking. I said : "What is that?" As I went down the steps I saw it was the glass in the kitchen door; and there my little girl had the hatchet breaking the glass out of the door. I unlocked the door and went in. Sister C and her husband came down the stairs after me. Sister C said: "Why do you not punish the child? If my boy would do that way I surely would punish him severely." I had her on my lap and hardly knew what to say. To think a child five years old would do a thing like that ! It would not have taken long to have finished the door. When Sister C asked me why I did not punish the child, I gave her this answer: "Sister C , why does not God punish you and Brother C for doing the way you have this morning? You both know it is not right, and you are both old enough to stop, and reason, and pray. You know this is no way for you two to do if you were not Christians, and now to think you both will go and sing in the choir, and pray and testify, and then do the way you do not a week without this kind of trouble. If you and your husband had been living the peaceable lives that you should this never would have happened. I cannot see that the child is as much to blame as you, and I will not punish her." They had not stopped to see how reasonable it was. She said: "I had not thought of it in that light." You might ask what was the trouble. Did he drink? No; he did not drink. There is more trouble in this line in Christian homes, and nice respectable 110 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD families, than there is in drunkards' homes. The only difference is one can plainly see the trouble in the home where drink is. The other is a worse hell, and the trouble is born in the secret closet. I know this to be a fact. In my own Christian work I have met hundreds of families in the same trouble, bearing it with- out a word. Oh, no ; it would never do to speak of this sin, never ! You can speak of the murderers and liars and drunkards and out- cast women, and the newspapers can be filled with all manner of wickedness, columns after columns, and the boys and girls can read the news night, and morning all about assaults committed on such a girl living at such a street and number but I tell you this sin that I know to be such a curse in our homes to-day, oh, no. Sister Peterson! Oh, the very idea of your saying anything about the private homes of our country ! Oh, no ; let the poor, stricken, broken-hearted mother and wife bear this sin. It is too shameful to speak of; let it alone. The laws of the land to-day denounce a great many things, but this sin is hid away in the closets of our homes, where laws cannot find it, and where preachers do not dare to speak of it. If they did they would be put out of their pulpits. Do you know my own child has asked me, when her father had been reading of assaults committed, what it meant. At last she would not spare me till I told her all about it. Now I am going to tell you some of my experiences on the line of trouble that I have mentioned. T do not intend to leave out one thing that has happened in my life. I will tell the whole truth. What is the sole reason that half of the wives and husbands are not spiritual? The most of them are not, on one side or the other. I find this sin lies mostly with men. In some cases it is with the woman. This sin, or weight, is one of the weights or sins the bible tells us we should lay aside, "fhe Lord tells us to lay aside every weight and the sin that does so easily beset us. I know this besets more Christians, and. causes more sin and trouble, than the great liquor traffic that some of our Christians are fighting to-day. If you would try to show the husbands of our homes the harm that this sin is doing to their own families I think they would come to God to take this evil out of their natures. I have heard ministers of the gospel say they believe if we, as Christians, or homes, or as a nation, had more opposition, that we would be more zealous ; that we need something to stir us up. Think of it! Are we asleep under the dreadful sin that has killed the spirituality of our churches and homes, and robbed wives of their health, and is the result of so many sick, delicate children to-day? Every generation of women is getting weaker. I have heard my own mother say she could do more work now, after she had raised OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH III a large family, than half the young married women to-day. I have heard other mothers say the same thing, and say at the same time if they had not been as strong as an ox they would have broken down under the treatment they had received from their husbands. They were weakened, and their daughters inherited the weakness, and their daughters' daughters inherit the same weak, frail body, pale, with great, black rings around their eyes. There have been public writers so blind to this fact as -to say the corset is the cause of women's trouble, when I know this one thing to be the cause. Not that I would encourage the use of the corset I know this helps on women's weaknesses. Men, as a rule, in this day and age of the world, have got the wrong idea altogether of the relationship of the wife and husband. With a constant study of the bible for seventeen years, and being an active worker for twenty, coming in contact with all classes and conditions and nationalities, and making human nature a deep study, an earnest, prayerful study, asking God to help me and lead me aright, that I might be able to lead and advise and rebuke in all lines pertaining to .the human race, both naturally, physically, spirituajly and finan- cially, with the experience of almost twenty-five years of married life, being a mother with a child in her twentieth year, I realize, with God's help, that I can take up this subject with many other lines of thought, and be able to help those who are willing to be helped, and throw a light in many dark corners of our lives and homes of to-day. Ministers have told me there was not one in a thousand who could go into homes and get the love and con- fidence of a family as I have done for years. I have fully trusted God, and he has never failed. I do not believe there is one single soul that regrets trusting me, for I consider a trust a sacred thing, that should never be broken by saint or sinner. I am safe in saying hundreds yes, thousands have unfolded the secrets of their inner- most souls to me; and, thank God, he has enabled me to help them in many ways. And I pray this book may be the means of help- ing thousands, aye, millions, of suffering souls, the saved and the unsaved people. This family I have been speaking of, with many, many others, I prevailed upon to take separate rooms till this trouble could be overcome, where they could be a little temperate and their wives given a chance to regain health that the pale face and black rings under her eyes might disappear. Reason alone can tell you a mother who is nursing a child is, without doubt, weaker than at any other time ; and with the care of from two to five children all day, think what a strain is on her mind. Perhaps while one is still^ at Ijer breast she is soon to becqme^ a mother again. She is worried 112 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD almost to death lest before these are out of the way there will be another; and how they will be able to meet their rent and get clothing to keep them warm, is a strain on the mind. The constant care and responsibility of the children, from the irth of the first till they are all grown (and not even then does it cease, but last even to the grave), is upon them even while they sleep. With the care on the mind and the wtafc body, there is all the work. Perhaps she is not off her feet once from early morning till late at night; and when she does lie down hers is not the rest the husband gets. The thought that she must make every cent go as far as possible is ever present. And added to all this is the husband to please in his wishes, and his lustful habits to gratify, which ninety-nine out of every hundred dreads, because it is so often requested regardless of what she says or does. The mother has nothing to say as to how far apart the children should be that her body may bear the burden ; not a thought to the mother, or wife, or child; only the husband. He alone must be considered or you will see a snappy, ugly, pouting individual. He will say he is losing his love for and interest in his family, and many will stay out nights. I personally know husbands who have made it disagreeable in their homes for days because they could not have their way. Now I do want to talk plain and simple, omitting big words, so that even the most ignorant and unlearned can under- stand and be profited by this simple book. I do want to get it into the families in this city if possible. One of the most prom- inent doctors said to others beside myself that he was an infidel. To what do you think he assigned the cause? He said it was the husbands of to-day. If God was a loving God, he argued, as we all said he was, why does he allow husbands to treat their wives as they do? Bear with me a little longer. I have gone into homes where I have brought men to their duty, and they have told me if it were not for the lustful pleasures of the world they would not care to live. Think of it ! Standing at the head of a fam- ilies, and having no higher ambition or aspiration. Such men are lower than animals. I have cornered them so there was nothing left for them but to tell the very thoughts of their hearts. I have forced them to acknowledge that they would make hell for their wives if she did not grant their request. This kind of difficulties are too shameful to be spoken of; yet it is one of the greatest evils of our homes to-day. One might say: "I would not consider that a very desirable subject for conversation." Sin in its deepest form is not a desirable topic of conversation ; but it must be condemned and rebuked. And to rebuke we must speak of these sins. I know, that to talk to them in a common conversation, to meet OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 113 with them in every-day life, you would not dream this to be the evil practice in their homes. Perhaps I cannot make you believe it. There was a time I did not and could not dream of such a thing. I will tell you how I learned. I would visit a home and the wife would say: "We do not get along very well together." Others would say: "We have trouble." Neighbors would say: "That husband and wife are not happy. Look at her sad, pale face. She seems to be dragging her life out. I do not know what it is. He seems to be kind. He does not drink or gamble, and he pro- vides well. Yet she looks so sad and cast down. Life seems to be a task for her." Well, I did not give up till I learned, and now I need not be in a home more .than twenty-four hours till I know what the trouble is. In one home I started to talk on this subject in a good, kind spirit, and before I got through the hus- band was looking at the wife and the wife at the husband. He knew his wife had not seen me alone, and had had no chance to tell me. It troubled him to know how I found out. "Well," he said, "Mrs. Peterson, I have gone so far as to tell my wife that is what I married her for; still since then I have learned to care for her." "Still," she said, "he has not given up his old ideas." She need not have said a word. Her face told the story. When he said he loved her I knew he did not know what love was. We need to pray against this sin. We must preach against it. We must write against it, and get the educated, cultured and en- lightened people to see this great evil. I know this sin to be among all classes. God appeals to reason in all things, and I cannot help thinking God appeals to the reason of man in raising a family. I have been in families of from four to eight, up in rooms four or five stories high, living in rooms, the mother wash- ing for a living and the husband a drunkard. I have taken vege- tables to these families, where the children have not seen any green garden stuff all summer. Before I could get the vegetables on the table they would be eating them, as greedy as little pigs. I asked the mother if they had had any fruit, and she said they hadn't even seen fruit the whole year round. Think of the raising of that family! Why should we not cry against such conditions! Perhaps you will find fault with nature or the Lord if not with me because I speak of these things that might be called delicate matters; but sin is not a delicate thing. It is not covered before God, and why should it be covered before man? The same God that made man and created his nature, created vegetation and fruit that nature requires and demands. Speak of the half-fed and half- clad children of our land to-day and we will get the answer that we must multiply and replenish the earth. That is a cloak for 114 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD their lust and sin. God made the beautiful sunlight, the fresh air and the green grass, that we might enjoy it; nature cannot thrive without it, and yet we will see large families that are robbed of all that nature requires. Why? Because of poverty. They have not even the necessities, and yet fathers and mothers will say that they are obeying the command that God gave man. That is the only command they keep. If they were living up to the com- mandments of God, the things nature requires God would give them. If we only would study nature how much trouble we would avoid ! Even then we would have trouble and sorrow enough. Now let me speak of the things of nature that never made a mistake as long as sinful, lustful men will let nature have her way. Let us see what nature does, and how she has provided protection for women ; yet lustful men will rob her of what God has provided for her, and make her life a burden because her health is gone when God tells us to live for the interest of others; men will not live for the interest of their own wives. Some may not be willing to read this truth, and even condemn it because of their own lustful hearts. You may want to know what I call a lustful man. He is one who will not regard his wife's wishes, and will not permit her to limit the family so that her health may not be injured. If this is not right why did nature do for woman what it has? God help us to look on this life and all nature in a reasonable way. To show the unreasonable practice of hundreds of families to-day, I will tell you a story of a family, which is only a sample of hundreds. Every time there was a child born into the family the neighbors had to donate food and clothing, and money to pay the doctor's bill. They became tired of this unreasonable charity, for the wife's health was in such condition she was unable to attend to her domestic duties. And you tell me God calls on that woman to sacrifice her health in that way? I know men who are ashamed to drive a poor-looking horse, when at home their own wives are in a worse condition, and they seem to think but little of it. Still they are kind, send for the doctor and pay the drug bill. Why is he willing to do this? Because he is not willing to sacrifice his own lustful habit. I went to see this poor family one day, and she was telling me what the neighbors said about her husband. I could not blame her. I pitied the poor, suffering children. She began to make excuses for him. He was the picture of health, she like a shadow. "If God wants us to have a large family," she said, "we should not complain." I asked her if she meant if he would not control his passion and lust, that we ought not to complain. "Dear sister," I said, "there are a good many things that OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH IIS we do that God has no part in. It is us, using nature contrary to God's plans, making life a burden, and bringing children into the world to suffer; ruining the lives of wives and mothers because we are not temperate in all things. Do not think that God has made nature, and then is coming to change it for the lust of man. You say it is a good thing to have a large family, if it is the will of God. But Paul tells us that we can be over-zealous in a good thing; and to be temperate in all things. To see the condition of your health, and this hungry family, you surely are not tem- perate in all things. That is one reason why we should not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; and yet most of the believers have not laid aside these weights of sin. Our homes cease to be spiritual because the carnal mind is ruling both men and women. God says : 'Evil communications corrupt good morals. 1 " Let us stop here and consult with nature, as we find it in the doctor-book "The Safe Counsel or Searchlight, or Light in Dark Corners Light and Life." Get the book and see for yourself that nature has provided a way for delicate women so graciously that the law of God being regarded, it provides mothers and wives with such protection that life is a pleasure and not a burden ; and there will be at least two years between the children in each family. So many of these families I have mentioned are ignorant of the laws and conditions of nature both husband and wife. This knowledge would be of great value and legitimate use to the functions of our being. Some feel that had they known these things in their early married life it would have proved of inestimable value. If this counsel is followed, thousands of homes will scarcely know the need of the physician's presence. Many rue the day of this excess when it is too late. I have taken from the doctor-book this statement: That is is constantly affirmed by leading physicians that prostitution is practiced under the marriage, vow, which is protection for this wicked practice in our respectable homes to-day. Again this book says: Here again we lay the axe at the root of the tree. The married man who dares affirm that there is a particle of physical necessity for this sin is a liar and the truth is not in him. Whether these men be princes, peers, legislators, professional men, mechanics or workingmen, they are moral pests, a scandal to the social state and a curse to the nation. I appeal to the Christian people of our land that we pray. If only people would imitate the lower animals. Do you know no voluntary instances occur through the entire animal kingdom? All females repel, with force and fierceness, the approaching of the male. The male will not contend against the will of the opposite sex. The human family is the only ex- ception. A man who has the right kind of love for his wife, how- Il6 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD ever, will respect her under all instances, and will still recognize her condition and yield to her wishes and with kindness will sacrifice, with an amiable spirit, and will not show indifference to wife and family though it be against his will. Too many wives must acknowledge that their own husbands are not willing to suffer and practice self-denial, even when they know their wives' health is at stake. I want to ask a question: Can any woman have the right kind of feeling, and the respect God tells her to have for her husband, when the laws of nature are transgressed to such extent that her health is ruined ? Again I ask : How can you, husband, secure for your person the loving care and respect of your wife under such circumstances? Too many men think when they have gotten her through the law, it matters little about the will, or her love or respect. You will find in I Cor. 7:5 these words: "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer ; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." God has given to every husband the power of restraint, and insists upon self-control. Now, if a man loves his wife as he should he will give his consent. I will tell you why I refer you to nature's laws. It is in Jesus' name, to stop the crime that is being committed in trying to govern the size of families when God has already provided a way. So many women have lost their health because of this crime; and the husband is the cause of it. Again, in the same chapter and the 2Qth verse : "But this I say, brethren, the time is short. It remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none." That surely would give the poor, sick wife "time to get well. And in the same chapter and the 33d verse: "But he that is married careth for the things of the world how he may please his wife." Now, do you see, not to please the lust of his own selfish self, but to please his wife; and how could you please a sick wife more than to pray and fast? The Lord is talking to the brethren. Read the 2Qth verse. Try this plan, my dear brethren and sisters in Christ, and see if your homes will not be more spiritual and the church you belong to benefit. I know what I am talking about. The newspapers are filled with plainer things than I have said, and there are no exceptions taken. I must say, in regard to a fam- ily, the greatest calamity that can befall a woman is not to have a child. The next greatest calamity is to have only one. God says that he has shortened the days of man for the elect's sake; and I want to ask: "Does he expect of a woman in these shortened OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 117 days as much as he did of women when their days were many from 80 to loo years?" The average man lives to be 33^ years old, and we must admit that women are weaker physically than our mothers or grandmothers. Does God expect as much of a delicate woman as he does of a strong one? When God does not (for he is a reasonable God) man should not. I will close this subject by saying that if there are any who take exceptions to what I have said, I know if they could have gone with me the last twenty years, and seen the home of the drunkard and his children, I am sure they would change their minds in regard to my plain language. There was a time that man was alone. I,t was not long; only long enough for God to put him into the Garden of Eden, and tell him what he should do and what he should not do. He told Adam what he would have him do, and added: "It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him an helpmeet." (Gen. 2:18.) A helpmeet is not a slave; and when she became his wife it was not to take her will-power from her, that she should have no voice in regard to her own privileges. A help- meet, not a footmat; but an equal, on an equality with him in every respect. The only difference I can see is that he made the man first, and put on him all the responsibilities; but a true wife, I find by experience, must take upon herself part of those respon- sibilities if she is a true helpmeet. If she had not influenced Adam as she did, God would not have permitted him to rule over her. God says, in the 3d chapter of Gen., and the i6th verse, unto the woman: "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy concep- tion; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Do you see how he said he would give the man sorrow in the I7th verse, but he would greatly multiply the sorrow of the woman. He did not say how many times he would multiply it. Everyone must admit that the sorrow of woman is greater than that of man. Then in Gen. 3 :22 : "And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil." Think how wonderful is the knowledge of man ! In the sixth chapter a*nd the 5th verse: "And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually." The way the Lord speaks of the daughters of men, 2d verse of the same chapter, woman had something to do with their wicked thoughts. Think of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, which were destroyed because of the lust of mankind! And now we are able, through Christ and the power of the Holy Ghost, to overcome the world, the flesh and the devil. At the beginning the woman helped to turn the world Il8 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD bottom side up ; and now, through Christ, she is no more to be ruled by man. She rises up again on a level with man, and once more can be his helpmeet, and do her part in trying to get the world right side up. In order to do this she must be as God has told her in II Cor. 6:14: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers." The way is now open. She can be free in Jesus Christ. You can see, by reading I Cor. 11:3: "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is man; and the head of Christ is God." If the man is willing to let Christ be his head, then he is a comfort to woman. How would Christ get along if he were not willing that God should be his head? Would he be fit to be the head of man? And if man is not willing that Christ shall be his head, how would he be fit to be the head of woman? Again we can take this chapter in this meaning: God was before all things and Christ was before man ; and after God made the man he made woman. Of course man was the head of woman in his creation, and that is the only difference I can see; for Christ is equal with God, for he said they are one. The multiplied sorrow that God said he would put upon woman must have been when he said man should rule over her, though they were one. Neither does God take man's will from him, or receive anything of man against his will. In I Cor. 11:7, God says: "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of man." Notice, if you please, the word "forasmuch." As the man is, so is the woman. Now if he is not in his place, as the glory of God, tell me how the woman can be in her place as the glory of man? If he is not in his place before God, and the woman is faithfully filling her place, she surely is above him in the sight of God and in Spirit. But if he is not in the glory of God, where God put him 'through Christ, in the 3d verse of the same chapter, where is he? Can woman be a glory to him, when in the tenth verse of the same chapter God compares her with angels? Then if man is not before God as he intended, he is beneath the woman in Christian character. In Eph. 5 :22 : "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." If a husband is filling his place as a husband, as Christ is filling his at the head of the church, then it would be a pleasure for his wife to please him, as it would be a pleasure for us to please Christ. Why? Because everything would be in harmony and peace, and we would love to fill our places as wives. Read the 25th verse of the same chapter; then show me a wife that will not do her part: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Show me a husband OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 119 who will give up his selfish desires cheerfully, and I will show you a Christ-like husband. Those who get angry at everything that crosses them could not convince me they had given themselves for their wives; and how deep is their love if they have not? If we cannot love one another, and bear with each other, and be good and kind with our faults, we as husbands and wives are not filling our places as Christ is filling his to the church. Hus- bands, read Eph. 5:28, 29, 30; and then the 33d: "Nevertheless, let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself: and the wife see that she reverence her husband." We can see so plainly by reading these verses, husbands and wives are to one another as Christ is to the church. As Christ takes his place as a Savior, so should a husband take his place to preserve the health of his wife. How many husbands realize their responsibility? Read the seventh chapter, 3d and 4th verses of I Cor. : "Let the hus- band render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto her husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife." Her power is equal to that of any man. Yes ; she had power on her head she is crowned with power because of the angels. She has the power to-day. How sad that they are ignorant of it. That is why women are looked upon as fallen, and men are not. A woman is like a fallen angel. There is expected of woman, from the whole world, more than is looked for in man. Read Eph. 5:33. Notice the word "par- ticular." Now be particular, men, to love your wives; be par- ticular about that, if you are not about anything else, for you know God said he had greatly multiplied their sorrow, where you only have sorrow. I know most men think they are doing all because they get the flour; but they could not earn much staying at home to make the bread. If they did, someone would get their job! I have tried getting the flour and baking the bread, or, in other words, I have been out in the world relying upon my own resources for both flour and bread ; and I have taken a man's place in business ; I have also taken a woman's place as a mother and a housekeeper and wife. Give me the cornfield from 6 o'clock to 6 o'clock, and it is not as hard as a woman's work. I have tried both, and know what I 'am saying; for when you come in from the field or from business you can lie down and rest; though you may have cares, you can lay them aside in a way; but the care of a wife and mother is day and night. Oh, the dear -mother needs the most tender love of her husband to encourage her in her con- stant care! Read Eph. 5:33, last line. I want to call your atten- tion to the word, "reverence." Husbands, to-day every man 120 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD thinks his wife should reverence him, and look to him, and regard every wish and desire. Why? Because he is bringing in some- thing to eat; and when he is doing that he thinks that is all there is to be done. If the wife worked for anyone else as hard as she works for him she would certainly earn as much. Oh, no; there is more to life than that. If that were all there was to work for I would want to die. That is why so many tire of life. Think of the women who are clean and pure in both thought and word, whose husbands are cross and coarse, with a big cud of tobacco in their mouth. Every once in a while the wife gets a whiff of his pipe. His clothes, too, smell of the dreadful weed, yet he thinks he is filling the place of a husband and should be reverenced. Another type is the husband with the whisky-laden breath, who desires to be reverenced. Still another is the gambler, whom the law will sooner or later be after, and he, too, is a husband who desires to be reverenced. And yet another with the beer breath, who has perhaps been hanging over the bar of a saloon for hours before he comes home to his family. And he must be reverenced. Another who, perhaps, does none of these things, but has been telling and listening to lustful stories. When he comes home his mind is filled with them. He must be reverenced too. There is another who is quiet, and has nothing to say. To look upon him he seems faultless, yet every woman he looks upon he lusts after, and has already committed adultery in his heart. What kind of an influence will he have on his family, what kind of a spirit is his? Is Christ his head? Yes, as much as he is the head of the wife, yet she must reverence him when he has no regard for Christ, and the word reverence never comes into his heart, for he has not practiced it to God. Here is another who can hardly tell the truth. He has lied so often it has become a fixed habit with him. He is dishonest in all his dealings, yet the wife is supposed to rever- ence him. Of course the law has declared him a husband, whether he is filling the place or not. Here is another who can use God's name in vain whenever he feels like it, even in common conver- sation. He is a husband at the head of a family, .and thinks he is at the head of the universe, yet never stops to think that the devil is at his head. He thinks if he gives the church $10 he can buy the preacher and the salvation* of his soul just as he would buy a plug of tobacco. He defies the world, and thinks he has got the best of "it. If something doesn't occur to wake him up, he will go 'on to the end of his life, and will never find out his mistake. May God help the blinded husbands of our land! Moses granted a bill of divorce because of the hardness of the heart which comes from the practice of the things I have men- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 121 tioned. I Cor. 14:31-36: "Ye may all prophesy one by one, that all may learn and all may be comforted." Did not the Lord mean to include woman when he said all? Then it did not mean for the woman to be still in that sense, when he said all could proph- esy. The 32d verse says: "And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets." Paul meant, when he said this, that there were women trying to prophesy when they did not have the spirit to do so. Have you not seen both men and women do the same thing nowadays ? They get up in a meeting and try to preach, and their long talks kill the spirit of it. Paul told them, in the 31 st verse, they could talk one by one. That looks as if there were three or four talking at once; and then in the 35th verse we find: "And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." Can you not see that they were asking questions, perhaps, when Paul was preaching? Anyway they had been asking questions at an inopportune time. You can see, by reading the 33d verse of the same chapter, that this was what they were doing, and that was why Paul said it was a shame for women to speak in the church, and so many think from this that woman's voice ought not to be heard in the meetings when God plainly said in this verse that he is not the author of confusion, but of peace, in all churches of the saints. It was because they were causing con- fusion that Paul stopped them. I suppose in those days they had Christian husbands who studied the bible, and if a question was asked they could answer it, for he expected they were living up to the command not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. It stands to reason that all we need to do is to use common sense with the help of the Spirit in reading the bible. How could a woman ask the modern husband a question, when half of them have never looked into the bible, and know nothing about a Christian life? The reason I speak of this is that there are so many men and women, both in the church and out, who have said to me: "Women should keep silent in the church." There are a good many times when it would be best if they would keep still out of the church, when it is the weakness of so many not to keep their tongues to themselves. It causes confusion not only in the church but at home, and among their neighbors. Then silence would be a blessing f for many of the women who are compared with angels are nothing but curses. There is nothing quite so bad as a long- tongued woman, for verily she has fallen like a fallen angel. When God speaks of women obeying their husbands, he means for them to be in their place in every sense of the word ; mot that* husbands should get between God and their wives, or that 122 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD wives should please wicked husbands by staying away from church, failing to do their duty as Christians before God. I know there are selfish husbands who want all the attention of their wives, regardless of God or their duty to their neighbors, as God has said. In Eph. 5:32, Paul says: "This is a great mystery: but 1 speak concerning Christ and the church." How true. It is a great mystery. God will not reveal anything to those whose every deed and act does not come from the heart. Your life must be lived in the Spirit, and willingly, or he will not reveal the knowl- edge of this mystery to husbands and wives, or between husband and wife. Husband or no husband, I do want to have this report in the church and before God. I Tim. 5:10: "Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work." Oh, how many women have said to me: "Sister Peterson, my husband would never let me do as you do. He would not stand it a moment." I have asked them: 'Do you do your duty to your husband?" "Yes, I do." "And him ungodly?" "Yes," "Then you have him between you and God. Now stop and think. You do not do any- thing in secret or unknown to him, even in little things concern- ing yourself, whether it be right or wrong." "Oh, yes," they say, "in little things that do not amount to anything." "And then these things are not to the glory of God," I reply. These little things grow, because if they are not to the glory of God, they are to the glory of the devil, and it's not long till they grow big, and then there is trouble, for we grow better or worse every day. We do not stand still in anything. In selfish little things we use our own will too much. We use it so many times against God, and when we do that, how much oftener will we do the same thing toward one another? We should have love enough to bear with one another, so long as it is not something that will cause our soul or the souls of other to be lost. Now a word to the husbands : God tells your wives to do what that woman did in I Tim. 5:10, and if she is not doing that she will do what the woman did in the I3th verse. This is it: "And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house ; and not only idle, but tattlers also, and busybodies, speak- ing things which they ought not." So many husbands will say: "She has enough to do without doing for others. Her place is at home." That's all right, if she can do at home what this woman did in the loth verse of the chapter. You know if our husbands did not let us women do what God tells us to do, we are apt to do something else. You know Eve was given to Adam for a help- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 123 meet, and she had time after doing her part to get into trouble some way, and the most of them can do what this woman did and not leave their homes very much either. In Titus 2:5, he says to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own hus- bands, that the word of God be not blasphemed; and women are not doing as this bible woman did surely if the word of God is not regarded in her home. Why should she be obedient to her husband? For the sake of the word of God; not for your selfish sake, or his. All must be for the glory of God. Paul knew what he was talking about when he said, in I Tim. 2:12: "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over a man, but to be in silence." It is not what you would call a commandment, and yet he says he would not permit it. It is bad when a man gets to a point where a woman has to tell him what to do. I do not know what would become of some men if it were not for their wives' influence. I never dictate to my husband. I let him do as he pleases, but when it came to spiritual things, and the word of God, I have stood regardless of anything, when I could almost feel the earth tremble under my feet, but it was never concerning earthly things. I found it best to do as Paul said, to be in silence, and go ahead and be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. It is not well to use authority on either side, for it causes contention. Use gentleness, and be firm when it comes to spiritual things or things that are injuri- ous to one's self, and we will come out all right. Col. 3:18, says: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." That is, you are to please your own husband as far as you can without displeasing the Lord. There are a good many husbands who do not like to hear that passage of scripture. One should try in every way to make things pleasant about the home, but no human legislation can so guard this institution that it cannot be broken in spirit, though perhaps acceded to in form. There must be true and devoted affection or marriage is a farce and a failure. Marriage is for the protection of the individual, yet a man and a woman may be married by law and unmarried in spirit. Why? Because they are not in union in the Spirit. There is a division and separation in feeling. The law may tie together, and yet no marriage be consummated, for marriage is a divine in- stitution, and divinity means in spirit, and this is what is meant when God says, "And whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder." A right marriage means a right spirit of the heart, and without a heart right and a right spirit, it literally profanes the Holy of Holies, and drags down this heaven-born institution from its original, divine elevation to the lowest human device. 124 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD Who will dare to advocate the human institution of marriage without the warm heart of devoted and loving companionship? Husband, express your will not by commands, but by suggestions. It is God's order that you should be the head of the family. You are clothed with this authority, but this does not authorize you to be stern and harsh, as an officer in the army. Your authority is the dignity of love. When it is not clothed in love it ceases to have the substance ' of authority. A simple suggestion may embody a wish, but a harsh opinion or argument becomes not the reign over such a kingdom as yours. If two should marry who are only attached to each other, not having a real, deep love, ^1 cannot help thinking, if they would get the love of God, the spiritual love of God in both their hearts, each side doing the right thing, I jcannot see why they could not get along together harmoniously. CHAPTER XL I DO not remember how long Sister C occupied the rooms I rented her. I know while she was with me the Workers' Band took a dislike to her, and wanted her put out of the band. They thought she liked a young man too well who belonged to the band, and they wanted me to put him out too. I could see nothing wrong about it, and would not consent to it. Thus the thing was settled and the work went on all right. We held meetings in hospitals and jails, and all parts of the city. The Lord blessed us in reaping in the souls. There were fifteen in the band at this time. We went to see the sick and dying, the poor and distressed, in all parts of the city. One morning in March I was sent for before breakfast to see a little child fourteen months old. The little fellow had membraneous croup, and the doctor said he could not live, and that he had done all he could for the child. As I went into the gate the doctor was untying his horse to go away. The room was filled with neighbors, all standing around the crib of the child, thinking every breath would be the last. Mrs. L had lost two children a few months before with scarlet fever. She had not recovered from the loss, and now she thought the last was going. As I entered the room she rushed toward me and took hold of my arm, earnestly, her eyes look- ing wild and strange. I can't tell you my feelings as I looked into that anxious mother's face, as pale as death and her lips ghastly. In some way she got the idea that I ought to know if her child was going to die. I do not know why she should think I could do anything for it. She said, as she grasped my arm: "O, Mrs. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 12$ Peterson, do tell me, for God's sake, is my child going to die. Oh, is he going to take the last one I've got." With her pale, pleading face she implored me to help her, but what could I do for that dear mother? I tell you, my dear reader, if ever my heart went to God it was for her, as she stood there holding my arm, waiting for me to answer. I said: "O, Lord, what can I do?" I stepped around her and started toward the crib, for the child was fighting for its breath. It seemed to me she could not bear anything more, and yet what could I say to her when she continued to ask me if she was going to lose her boy. It seemed all within me, every faculty of my whole being, went out to God, and these are the words I said as I was crossing the floor: "Lord, take my child, but save this mother's boy." As I stooped over the crib something came to my heart as plain as words: "The child shall live." Instantly I said to Mrs. L : "Your boy is going to live." Her grip was tighter on my arm as she exclaimed: "O, Mrs. Peterson, do not tell me my boy is going to live and then have him die! Oh, no; do not dare to do a thing like that!" I knew the feeling that had come to my heart was right. I had never been misled all these five years, and again I said: "Mrs. L , your child shall live." It seemed my heart was filled with those four words. Those who were in the room were almost strangers to me, and they looked at me as if I were out of my mind. This was early in the morning, and I also had a call from North Denver to see a sick woman. I sat there awhile, and then I told Mrs. L I must go. I could see no change as yet in the child. All I knew was the strong feeling in my heart that the child would live. She asked me again, and I told her the same thing and went home. After hurriedly doing up the morning's work I dressed and went to see the sick woman. It was March. The wind was blowing and it was snowing. I promised Mrs. L I would come back as soon as I returned. It was I o'clock in the afternoon as I went in. I could not see that the child was any better. I was a little surprised, and Mrs. 1^- said: "Mrs. Peterson, do you see the child is no better." I said: "Yes, I see." All day I had lifted my heart to God for the child, and while I was standing by the crib I felt a doubtful feeling come over me. In a moment I was condemned. Did you ever do anything and feel as though you ought not do it? Well, that is the way I felt the moment I felt that little doubt, and I was condemed for it as though I had sworn, or lied, and I asked God to forgive me, for I knew he had told me. I said: "Lord, I did not doubt the feeling in my heart^this morning. I know you gave me these words. Now, Lord, forgive me, and I will not doubt again. O, Lord, help me and I will never again 126 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD doubt you." Just then Mrs. L said: "Mrs. Peterson, you know what you said this morning, and I did try so hard to depend on what you said; but you see he is no better. At 4 o'clock he will begin to get worse, and he is so weak I know he can never live." After I asked God's forgiveness for doubting him, the same feeling filled my heart that I had that morning, and I said : "Mrs. L , I can't help believing that your child will live." Then she asked me when the Lord was going to help the baby. I told her I did not know ; that all I knew was that the child would live, and I told her I would believe it and not doubt again. As we sat by the little darling, and saw him fighting for breath, I would keep reminding the Lord of how willing I was to sacrifice my own child for this suffering mother. It was now 3 o'clock. I knew I would soon have to go and get Mr. Peterson's supper, for he was still working nights. As we watched over the child I was praying constantly, and in the place of the child growing worse toward evening his breathing seemed to get easier, and before 4 o'clock he was sound asleep and resting easy. If you could only have seen that happy mother's face. She wept with joy, hardly able to believe her own eyes as her little darling lay sleeping so sweetly. On my way home I said: "Lord, how did I ever say I was willing for you to take my child? That was not natural for a mother." I knew it was the spirit of the Lord that prompted me to say it. I knew I could not have said it on my own strength, but God knows I meant it, and he heard my prayer. The next morning when I went in the mother was feeding the baby, and I know I never saw a happier father and mother in all my life. The following May they sold their rfome- and went back to Penn- sylvania. The father did not go till fall. That July the baby took sick with cholera infantum. The mother sent a telegram to Mr. ' L telling him the baby was not expected to live. The first thing he did was to come up to see me, and with tears in his eyes he told me the baby was dying. I said: "Mr. L , do not trouble yourself about that boy. The Lord did not spare him five months ago to take him now." "Do you believe that, Mrs. Peterson?" he said; and I said: "Yes, Mr. L , I do." "Well," he said, "it is all right. I will depend upon your faith." It was only a few hours when Mr. L received another telegram that the boy was better. As soon as he received the telegram he came and told me. I told him to thank God for all that had been done. It was him and him alone we had to thank for the life of the boy. Mrs. L was a Lutheran and the father was a Catholic. He believed ,there were Christians outside of his church. The last word I heard OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH I2/ of the boy he was doing well. That was the first time the Lord ever blessed me for healing anyone. The Workers* Band worked all day Sunday. After the morning services we held meetings at the jail from 2 to 3. From there we went to the County hospital for an hour. When we got back from the hospital it would be nearly 5 o'clock. From that till church time we made sick calls. We took our suppers at a restaurant. One Sunday afternoon we were told of a sick woman who lived in a tent on the banks of the mill ditch. Someone had found a little two-week-old baby that had died that morning, and the mother was still in bed. She said the baby had just died and none of the neighbors knew of it. The undertaker was notified. There was no number or street. The only way we could find the place was to follow the mill ditch till we came to the tent. The weeds and the sunflowers were so high that we were within a few rods of the tent before we saw it. There lay the sick mother, with a little boy three years old. The little tent was large enough for a bed in one corner. In another corner was a stove, in another the table, and at the foot of the bed was a drygoods box for a cupboard, with a few dishes in it. She was so glad to see us. We asked her where her hus- band was, and she said she did not know, but thought he would soon be home. She said the doctor who was attending her would be in at 7 that evening, so I told her some of us would stay. I staid that night. The doctor came at 7, a kind, good-hearted fellow. He said he was afraid she would not live. He told me how her husband drank. I then knew why the home was in such a state. About 9 o'clock he came in, under the influence of liquor. He did not know the baby was dead, and was too intox- icated to realize it. He lay on the back of the bed and slept all night, while I sat by her bed and. gave her medicine. The Workers' Band took turns in sitting up nights for two weeks, then the mother died. The little baby's grave was opened and the two were laid away together. The father took the little boy back to her people. I could not help thanking God for his goodness in taking that starved, heart-broken mother home away from the drunken hus- band. She was fully trusting the Lord. Two days and two nights before she. died she knew she was going to die. She told us to put away her clothes, which she would never wear again. The last night she was on this earth the lady who was stopping with me sat up with her. I went over the next morning about 10 o'clock, and the dying woman was so happy. Her face, though pale with death, shone with the hope of glory. The moment I stepped into the tent she put out her thin hand and, with a bright smile, said: "Sister Peterson, Jesus is coming for me to-night." She had 128 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD been telling us for two days that she was going. She said : "Do you want to know the hour he is coming?" I said "yes," not think- ing she could name the hour. "He is coming for me at n o'clock to-night," she said. I wondered if we could depend on that hour, or if she was mistaken. I went back home toward evening. Sister T took care of my child, and I went down and staid till the Lord took her. At 10 she asked us if we would bring the clock where she could see it. She was conscious till the last moment. About 10:45 she bade us all good-bye. A few minutes before this she kissed her baby boy, and asked God to bless him. She bade her husband good-bye, and told him to give his heart to God. Five minutes before n every one of us was watching the clock. There was a sweet smile upon her face, and true to her words, three minutes before n, in the faintest kind of a whisper, "He's coming," she said, and to a second, as the hand came to n, her spirit went to God who gave it. And I asked: "Who can doubt hereafter?" Surely Jesus was there, for the expression on her face showed that she was living this passage of scripture, and I knew if she could have told us she would have said : "O death, where is thy sting ? O grave, where is thy victory ?" (I Cor. 15:55.) I could not help thinking of his promise: "I will be with you through the valley and shadow of death." (Ps. 23:4.) It did not seem to be even a shadow to her. Such experiences give me a desire to see the whole world ready to go as this poor woman did. Only a miserable bed and a little tent to die in, with hardly room enough to turn around, and weeds almost covering the tent, yet the dear Lord found his way there, and came and took her from a tent to a mansion! I would be willing to die in a tent or a cottage, or even with the canopy of heaven as a covering, if I could die as did she poor in this world's goods, but rich in faith. The Tabernacle was never known to be more spiritual than it was at that time. The Workers' Band gave a Sunday evening tea. So many young people, strangers in the city, would come down ; then we would invite them to the young converts' meeting before the services. The Tabernacle was giving a Sunday morning breakfast of pork and beans and bread and butter and, coffee, and those who had no place to sleep or anything to eat could get their breakfast. After breakfast we would turn the breakfast into a forty-minutes' prayer meeting, and get them to come up to the 10 o'clock class meeting. We had the breakfast in the basement of the church, and many of these men were converted. At this time a newspaper writer attended and wrote up the meetings. From the article, written by Alex Mc- Dougal, and published in a Denver paper, I quote the following: OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH I2Q "One Sunday evening I wandered around and finally drifted into the Tabernacle, where I heard an interesting discourse by your eloquent townsman, Rev. Thomas Uzzell. The artful dodger that attracted the crowd bore the pithy legend, 'Success, and how to get there/ and as I am not here for my health, with small persuasion I agreed to follow the vast throng to learn the earliest and quickest route to an earthly kingdom. The reverend preacher took for his text the familiar words, 'She hath Done What She Could/ and launched out into an impressive and helpful sermon. While he acknowledged that vice was punished and virtue re- warded, that perseverance and industry will be repaid, still he upheld the power of circumstances and environments, and empha- sized the 'future that favors the brave' and sublime luck of those whose 'greatness are thrust upon them/ He earnestly entreated all to follow the example of the subject of his text, and deprecated the loafer who sits around on beer kegs and carves his immortal initials on a drygoods box, lazily sunning himself and reclining in unpardonable indolence. Parson Uzzell has a good deal of force, and his speaking top-note is the most telling in the city, but he is probably not much of a literati or theologian. He is not apt in quotation, nor does he seem to have too much scripture at hand when extemporizing. He rarely gives a doctrinal sermon. He seldom meddles with the grander Pauline themes, such as the Fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man. Sermons on the plan of salvation are few and far between, and the higher criti- cism he lets severely alone. His church is frequently reinforced and augmented by periodic seasons of revival by noted evangel- ists. For instance, Mrs. Robinson has recently handed over to his care as a 'nursing father* not less than forty converts. If these were brought up in the nature and admonition of the gospel and made bible students, feeding on the sincere milk of the word, they are, in themselves alone, sufficient to leaven a greater lump and a larger community than worship in the Tabernacle; and here is where the danger comes in if the people are not fed by the consecutive and systematic ministry. Every new-fangled 'spouter' takes possession of the Tabernacle rostrum and ventilates his own ideas to the detriment of those who are desirous of being built up in a holy faith. The Tabernacle is equipped with a large and efficient staff of workers, who do not care a straw if Tom gets all the glory so long as they are permitted to serve or stand and wait. They will get their crown on a day that is coming. It is not a far- fetched assumption that the pastor of the Tabernacle has a fair average opinion of Thomas Uzzell ; and why not, if the opinion be founded on integrity? Every citizen in Denver knows him as an 130 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD indefatigable worker, 'in season and out of season.' He is also widely known for his tact in dealing with the distressed. He is the Prince of Solicitors, and his sound has gone out from the plebeian bottoms to the blue-bloods of Capitol hill. He has carte blanche for all. He enters a furniture store and says, 'I want chairs for the kindergarten/ and lo! the drayman is unloading at the back lane of the Tabernacle in less than an hour. He wants over- coats for the poor boys out of work, and the dudes have to strip, and straightway go to Knight & Atmore's for new toggery. Yes, Tom is a worker, and he admirably fills the bill; and as we said of old, the common people hear him gladly. One Sunday evening he gave out what he would like to have put on his tombstone at Riverside when he shall have been taken to rest: "'Here lies Thomas Uzzell; He did his dead level best.' "Now, though the inscription is forcible enough, it is incomplete. The future New Zealander who is in view of the ruins of St. Paul's from the broken arches of London bridge will be attracted westward to Colorado through the fame of her great mines and her industrial prosperity. While taking in the sights he will cautiously glance at Thomas' tombstone and ask himself the ques- tion : 'Well, what did he do his level best on ? Was he a doctor, or a chimney sweep?' The Tabernacle Deaconry will see to the dates and location when the time comes. May that date be far, far in the future. I lost a great deal of the sermon through epitaphical musings. Burns also wrote his own epitah, and it is a beauty, you remember: " 'The poor inhabitant below Was quick to learn and wise to know, But thoughtless follies laid him low, And stained his name.' "Etc., etc., etc. A few feet to my right sat an estimable lady in the prime of early womanhood, with, perhaps, the dignity of 'olive branches twice upon her.' I once heard her speak; pray and exhort, and greatly admired her talent and her devotion. All through the sermon her fine face seemed so sensitive and mobile, and so quickly responded to every phase of fear and snare spoken of by the preacher; and anon when a hopeful sentence was uttered her countenance would brighten up into a glow of what would seem seraphic transfiguration. I thought that she also OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 131 would be worthy of a marble slab at Riverside, whereon I should like to write: "Sacred to the memory of Mrs. Peterson. "She was a lady in her own right. She was a Christian by divine grace; and with love in her heart and charity in her hand she did what she could. "The careful reader will observe that I have studiously re- frained from saying whether our devoted sister's scene of labor lay in the same vineyard with Tom's. This is sly; yes, 'devilish sly,' as Shakespeare grandly says, but it is also well and wise, for it prevents the future tattlers of the Tabernacle from falling into vain disputations by again springing, the old, vexed question : 'Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?' "I said that the Tabernacle was well mounted by a corps of effective workers, among which the choir is worthy of honorable mention. The cornetist is especially fine. His lips are firm and his fingers quick and sure. His intonation is always perfect and his time relative and steady; in a word, he reads his music admir- ably, and leads with remarkable power and clear precision. The ladies are not only sweet-voiced, but handsome. The dignified but unostentatious bearing commands respect, and the entire absence of common frivolities of choirs, such as flirting, eye-twinkling and gum- chewing, lend a tone becoming those upon whom has fallen the mantle of the 'Crowned Minstrel of Israel/ " CHAPTER XII. "THE FRIENDLY SHELTER. "When a News reporter called, about 10:30 p. m., a religious meeting was being held by the Workers' Band of the Tabernacle congregation. Ladies and gentlemen were grouped around the table, kneeling on the bare floor, praying for the eternal welfare of the souls of the poor, down-trodden men surrounding them. A few, who had evidently drunk their fill of sin and misery, listened eagerly to the impassioned prayers of the earnest women, and joined in the singing of hymns; but the majority stood listlessly on the outside of the worshipers, or lay down by the walls, evidently thinking that religion was not for them, as it did not fill their empty stomachs. After singing and praying, a bright little lady in black cloth jacket mounted 132 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD a stool and told the boys how sorry she was that her purse was not large enough to provide all of them with a good, square meal." Rocky Mountain News. I WAS the little lady who mounted the stool. There were from two to four hundred men in the Friendly Shelter. It was just before the panic of '93 in Denver, when so many of the banks failed. You an see it was impossible for me to feed that large number without a very large bank account. No one could ask a greater blessing than I received in doing this kind of work. In three years the devil did not give me any trouble, after I had gotten the victory I have already told you of. The hindrances I encountered seemed as nothing to me. The worst drawback was my sick child. In those three years I cannot recall a serious tempta- tion; but the time did come when he came after me without gloves, and I tell you he handled me pretty roughly. He tried to make up for lost time. I must tell you about it. Paul said, in II Cor. i :8 : "For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life." So many people have said to me: "Sister Peterson, if I had no more to trouble me than you have, I could be a better Christian; there would be nothing to hinder me then." Oh, how little did they know what I had gone through, and I was going through at the time! I did have a happy religion, and would not rest till I got where I could be happy in times of trouble as well as in times of peace. I was three years finding a religion that would give me joy at all times. The devil saw that I had had a good time long enough, and the Workers' Band was having too much victory to suit him, and so he interfered. He did once before, but it did no harm. The devil will go if you resist him, but the trouble is he will return again. The Workers' Band was holding cottage prayer meetings and the Lord wonderfully blessed their labor. The first time Satan showed his cloven foot was in one of the cottage prayer meetings. I shall never forget the meeting. It was the night before Christmas. The Sunday-school teachers were to meet at the Tabernacle to get the money to buy presents for their classes, and being a teacher, I went. I thought at first I would not go to the cottage prayer meeting. It would be late when I arrived, it being nearly 9 when I left the Tabernacle. I always walked home if the weather was nice, and the cottage prayer meeting was only two blocks out of my way, so when I got to Twenty-first street I went up to Arapa- hoe. The meeting was in a brick house, between Arapahoe and OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 133 Curtis streets. I never pass there but I think of that meeting. It was fourteen years ago. I went in. The room was full. They were having their after-meeting, praying for two old gentlemen who were present. I was not in the room five minutes when the Lord led me to see plainly that it was not what he wanted, and I said: "Brother C , that is not what the Lord wants." Brother C was a good man, and a Christian. He answered: "Sister Peterson, what is it the Lord does want?" As I rose to my feet, the power of the Spirit came over me and filled my soul. I did not know what I was going to say, except as the words came to me. What I saw and felt I want you to believe, for what object could I have in writing as I am if it were not true, when it could not benefit me? Now, believe me, and I will prove to you out of God's word that we are to have the same gifts they had in times of old. The thoughts came like this: "Brother C , the Lord wants the temple clean." Then I went on to tell them how the Lord had tested me, and what I had suffered. Then the Lord showed me the condition of the two old gentlemen they were pray- ing for. I could feel in my Spirit there was a cold wave laid all around the two men. I said to them: "You are not willing to-night that God should save you." And they answered : "Not to-night." I knew it was their will resisting the Spirit. When I said, "the Lord wants the temple clean," Brother C said: "Let us pray." We knelt, and while we prayed the Holy Spirit came down, and Brother D was the first one to receive the blessing. He always was a still Christian, and had little to say. He was not very still that night. He started across the room clapping his hands, saying, "Glory! glory!" and "bless the Lord forever!" Then he would try to assure us that he was not excited. I knew he was not, for there was nothing to excite him. I knew it was the Holy Ghost. Sister C was the next to receive the blessing. When I began to pray the Lord showed me there were others in the house he wished to bless. As we all rose to our feet, I said: "There are some leaving the house whom the Lord wishes to bless." As I spoke I saw something wonderful, as plainly as I ever saw anything in my life. The sister who was stopping with me had gone out into the kitchen and was standing in the middle of the floor. I was where I could see into the kitchen, for I was right by the door, and a light gray mist, as fine as the finest network, covered her, and lay in little folds. In a moment it vanished into her, and distinctly the words came to me: "It is the devil enter- ing her." I told them what I saw, but I did not tell them whom it entered. Again I exhorted those to receive the Spirit whom the Lord wished to give it to. I told them the Lord had not 134 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD shown me who it was, but I knew it was more than one. The next thing I saw was my own spirit on the ceiling of the room. It was as large as your two hands together, and the same shape, with the points of the fingers up next to the ceiling. Just as you would see a fly bumping his head against the ceiling here and there, so was my spirit. When I saw it I sat down in the chair, and they could hear me yell for two blocks. And all the time I was shouting I saw my spirit coming back into my body. The feeling was like this : You know how a man will take hold of the lugs of his boot to pull it on. Well, that is the way my spirit felt when it came down into my body. I felt my spirit fit down into my very toes and fingers, just as a man would feel his foot fit down into his boot. Strange as this may seem to some, as truly as I will stand before the throne of God to be judged, just so true is this story. I was so weak I could not hold my head up when my spirit came back. Then they thought I was dying. They put me on the lounge, and put the window up to give me air, and Brother B took his watch out and counted my pulse. Sister E - got down by my side and said: "Oh, Sister Peterson, do not go and leave us yet." I knew everything, but could not speak for a few minutes; then I sat up on the lounge, and after a while I took a hard chill. It soon passed away; then they gave me a glass of water and I told them I was all right. Brother B and the sister who was stopping at the house came home with me. We bade Brother B good-night at the gate. As Sister T stood at the foot of the stairs ready to go up, the Lord filled my heart with such love that I could not let her go till I took her in my arms and told her how God had filled my heart with love for her. Then I asked her how she felt as she stood in the middle of the kitchen floor at the prayer meeting? She began to cry, and said : "If I could have gotten out of that meeting without disturbing it I would have gone home." I asked her why. "I did not like the meeting," she answered, "and I do not know why." I knew the devil had entered her, but little did I know what for. It was to break up the Workers' Band. I thought it strange that I was led to love her that evening. I knew the evil spirit had entered her, for I saw him with my own eyes. I did not understand it. I did not know at the time that she had been talking about me, but she had for a week. She had been talking about Sister C , the sister who had lived in my house before she came. One morning she was talking about her, and I thought it very unjust and wrong. I could not believe a worldly woman could be guilty of what Sister T thought Sister C guilty of. She only said she looked like that kind of woman, and OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 135 she believed she was. There was something wrong with every man or woman who came to the house. I knew she was offending God, so I said: "Sister /T , do you know it is wrong to speak evil of anyone? You know God says, 'speak evil of no man/ and I wish while you are here you would not." She did not reply, but went upstairs. She would speak to me, yet she was angry with me. It was because of this the evil spirit entered her, as I found out afterwards. In the next three days I was told everything she said. She had told some of the band that she would down me in the Tabernacle. I said : "Let her go ahead. I have done nothing." She went upstairs at the time. Afterwards she came downstairs and said : "You want me to go ahead, do you ?" I replied : "Sister T , you know I have done you no wrong. All I did was to ask you to stop speaking evil of people." "Yes," she said, "you tell me what to do ! Me, a woman old enough to be your mother, and you stand here and tell me what to do?" As she said this she came over to where I was and shook her fist in my face, saying: "I will down you if it costs me my life." "If you will try it, go ahead," I said. "If I had wronged you I would ask you to for- give me, but I have done nothing to ask forgiveness for. I have only done that which is right." She started out to do her worst. She began at the Workers' Band, and got discord started there. She told things and got some of the band to doubting me, so the next Sunday when we started out for our meetings, as we had done for over a year, I felt the discord, and knew she had been at work. "Lord, is this why the evil one entered her on that prayer meeting night?" I asked. I knew there were some who were against me in the band. I could feel their discordant spirits, and the next thing that came to me before the close of that Sunday's work was that the power of the Spirit had left the band. Like a little frightened bird it had flown away because the union was no longer there. The band was like a flock of sheep without the shepherd. I let everything go till the next Friday evening. After the meeting was over we met to give in our reports as usual. I then wanted to know if I might ask a question. I inquired if they had ever heard me say anything about Sister T , and they said, "no." Then I asked them if they had heard anyone say that I had. Again they said "no." I already knew Sister T had told them if there ever was an angel on earth I was one; that she had never met so pure-minded a person in her life as I was; and now in the past week she had said I was a devil. How could that be? Then I said: "Did she not tell you that I was an angel? and now she tells you I am a devil. I will let her own words decide, for her own words are enough. She either 136 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD told a falsehood when she said I was an angel, or she is telling one now. I will let you judge her on her own testimony. I will not speak evil of her." I then asked if I might name those in the band who believed me to be a devil, or believed what she said was true. When I did, it made them angry. I knew now, with such discord, the Lord would not be with us as he had in the past. I asked if they had seen anything but the fruits of the Spirit; if my works were good or bad, and if, in the past, they had had fellowship with me in the Spirit. They said they had, and that my works and fruits were good so far as they knew. "How could I be evil," I asked, "if you have been fellowshipping with me in the Spirit all these months? I inquired if they had fellowship with her in the meetings, and they said they could hardly tell, for they had never heard her pray just a time or two a short tes- timony. She was there that evening. She had told several she was coming to down me in the meeting. The dear Lord was powerfully with me that evening, and we had a good meeting. Services were not half over when she was overcome, and the people thought she was going to faint. Two men assisted her out. She was as pale as death. I knew what was the matter, for I knew what she had come for. I prayed the Lord to give me a double portion of his Spirit, and he did; and I prayed the Lord to keep her mouth shut, and not let her spoil the good meeting we were having, and he answered my prayer. Several souls were converted; and I was so happy. I could pray for that dear woman, and my heart was filled with the best feeling for her, for I knew so well it was the devil's work. It was not that she had anything against me, but the evil one took that plan to use her to break up the power of the Workers' Band, and he did the work. What did she gain by her action? Why is it Christian people cannot see all such work is of the devil, and not let him get in and destroy the power and the work. The woman left the church, and I do not know where she is to-day. The band lost its power, and we never again had the meetings that we had before. The Lord made manifest that my work was done in the Tabernacle, but I prayed him to let me stay a little longer. I stayed nearly two years after the Lord wanted me to go. If his children only could learn obedience without suffering. But we never will learn any other way, because the Son of God learned obedience through suffering. I went on with the work a few months. The meet- ings were good and souls were saved, but the Spirit showed me that my work was done there. One Sunday the Lord had blessed us all day. The jail meeting was better than usual, and when we came into the young converts' meeting there seemed to be OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 137 a wonderful joy filling every heart. I do not remember which one of the band led the meeting that evening. When the meeting was about half over everyone was willing and ready to take part. All at once the Spirit came to me, and I know you will not be more surprised than I was when I tell you what he lead me to do. The feeling and power was all over me and I knew it was the Lord. He impressed me to throw a song-book across the room, and I said, "Lord, you know if I did they would think me crazy," and then the suggestion came to take off my collar, and I said to the Spirit : "This is worse than throwing the song-book. I can- not do this." It then came to me how they had already called me "Glory to God" on the streets, for it was only a few days before that I met several young men on the street whom I did not know, and who evidently knew me, and as they passed one said to the other : "There goes 'Glory to God/ " As I looked around to see if they really did mean me, they were looking at me, and I knew they did. "Well," I said, "it is all right," and when the Spirit led me to take off my collar, I did not know what to do. I thought of what they were calling me, and I said: "Lord, if I do that, what will they call me?" As I refused the Spirit left me, and then came again' to me and filled my heart with a testimony. As quick as a flash I said, "Lord, I will do that," and I was on my feet instantly. As quick as he gave me the testimony, just so quickly did he take it from me. My testimony was gone, and I could not think of a word to say. I had no more than realized my condition than again I saw the devil in the aisle in the same mist as when he entered Sister T . That mist was as large as a washtub and in the same shape, and it seemed in a commotion. It stayed in the shape of a tub, and again I knew it was the spirit of the devil. I did not stop to think what people would say or what they would call me. I started after the devil, and this is what I said several times : "The people are all right. It is the devil I am after." As I started I pushed up my sleeves to my elbows. The old fellow rolled out of the door next to Nineteenth street. There were two doors to the church one toward Twentieth, but he went out of the one next to Nineteenth. I shall never forget that evening ! The people gave me plenty of room, and I coul J hear them say : "I never saw her look like that before." Everyone in the room knew I saw something. They could tell from the expression on my face, and there was not one who doubted me. Some of my readers will remember the evening. After the devil had gone out I saw five persons in the room whom the devil had come to tempt, and they were going to yield to the temptation. There were three men and two women. I 138 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD told them I could tell their names, but the Lord did not desire me to be personal. Now I would be permitted to tell them. In less than two months each of the five got as far away from the Lord as Peter did when he denied the Savior. They have all repented as Peter did, and one of the women has gone to heaven. We never pass through an experience but what the Lord intends that we shall learn a lesson from it. It was hard to see what the lesson was he wished to teach me. I did not realize its meaning sufficiently at the time to explain it in a way that would help others. Now the first thing that would come to you or anyone would be just what came to me: "Oh, how foolish it would be to throw the song-book, or how much worse to take off my collar." I did not understand I Cor. i :27 as I do now. He has told us he would take the foolish things. God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. You see how plainly it was to take a simple book, and I was so wise I thought if I threw the book I would be foolish, and when he wanted me to take off my collar, I said: "Lord, I cannot." In other words, it was telling the Lord I would not so confound the wise, though he chose the way that would seem wise to me, till he got me to act, till he got my will. When he came to me to testify he got my will and I was on my feet. The Spirit already had my will. Then I acted foolish after all, as foolish as to throw the song-book, by pushing up my sleeves. 'We will quote from the same verse: "And God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty." Did I not look weak and foolish, too, in the eyes of the world and those who did not understand spiritual things, as I went down the aisle pulling my sleeves up? If there had been any wise people of the world there they would have said : "That woman is weak- minded, or foolish." It is true, for God says those things shall be foolish and simple and weak that are directed by the Spirit and do his will, for he knew simple things and foolish things would be rejected by the wisdom of the world, and those who did not have true spiritual hearts and understand the Spirit and spiritual things could easily be blinded the way the Lord led me that night, and they would fail to see the simple truth in it, which means everything to a true spiritual Christian. I will try to show you the truth that was in the act he led me to do. It is his way to use some simple thing to get the will. He tells us that a willing mind is acceptable, and I was not willing to do such a simple foolish thing as throwing the song-book in order for him to get my will. I was not willing to be as simple as David, with the pebble and the sling that he killed Goliath with, or like Gideon with OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 139 the pitchers, when the walls of Jericho fell. There was no power in the simple stone and sling, neither would there have been any power in my throwing the song-book. It was the simple act of getting David's will and obedience, and it was the simple act of getting my will that he might show me what he wished me to* see, and the only way that he could get my will that night was to give me a testimony, and when he got my will I acted as foolish as David did, and as they scorned David and made light of him, so perhaps some will scorn and make light of what I say I saw, but I saw it and I have proved myself to be simple-minded in all these twenty years of Christian work. I have proved myself in business, about my domestic duties. I have used reason and com- mon-sense, and no one could call me simple only in spiritual things, neither could they David, for he knew how to herd sheep, and was honest and trustworthy in all his dealings, and when it came to obedience to God, he went about it in a foolish, simple way in the eyes of the world. If he did not take these simple plans, which always seem foolish from a worldly view, there would be great danger of our getting conceited and bigoted, and in the act of simple things he keeps us meek and humble. To this day God calls on me to do simple, foolish things, that even a Christian who is living a life of faith might question, and I will show you what I mean as I tell you my experience. Perhaps you think these things are not mortifying and embarrassing to me, and especially if it is someone whom I like and I like them all. It hurts me to think they cannot understand me. If you do not know what it means, just try it, and see for yourself. Just let the Spirit get hold of you, and do everything that you are impressed to do, both in word and thought and deed, and you will see you will have more people who do not understand you than who do. There was not one who understood David, and yet he was successful, and there is not one, be he spiritual or not, who can say I have not been successful, both spiritually and financially, or that God has not blessed my labors. Whatsoever my hand has found to do has prospered. It is the promise of God if we obey him. In my obeying the Spirit in the simple, foolish way, he has verified his promise to me. Do you think I cared how foolish I appeared to the people after the Lord gave me the spiritual sight to see what I did? Do you think Gideon cared how foolish or simple his way might appear after Gpd reached his will, though God had to comply with Gideon's will or plan in proving himself to Gideon before he would say "I will." Judges 6 139 : "And Gideon said unto God, Let not thine anger be hot against me, and I will speak but this once; let me prove, I pray thee, but this once with the fleece; 140 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD let it now be dry only upon the fleece, and upon all the ground let there be dew % " In the 4Oth verse we find this is the way God pleased him, for it was dry upon the fleece only, and there was dew upon all the ground. He not only pleased Gideon to get his will, but he proved himself to Gideon. He pleased me in giving me a testimony, and then proved himself to me by the vision, which strengthened me. That with other things I have seen and heard made me stronger than I had thought possible. The purpose, I have since learned, was to make me strong for what he has called me to endure; that when the time came to prove me to himself I might be ready and strong to stand the test. What could be more unassuming than David when he took the simple sling with two stones to meet that great giant, Goliath? And did not his own family, in his own house, speak lightly of him? And as soon as he began to think of doing something for the Lord, even before he did it, the people spoke lightly of him, and got angry and jealous of him, as they will of you. I Sam. 17 :28 reads like this : "And Eliab's anger was kindled against David, and he said, Why earnest thou down hither? and with whom hast thou left thy few sheep in the wilder- ness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle. And David said, What have I now done?" They began to criticize him before he did anything; and they made light of him and misjudged him, and he had done nothing. It is the same to-day. You start out to do a thing in God's name, and one-half of the church will get angry and .say light things of you, and misjudge you, while the other half of the church is trying to tell you what to do. The colleges are trying to fix you up as Saul was trying to fix up David in the 38th verse: "And Saul armed David with his armor, and he put an hemlet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail." God's plan was not enough. And with it all David could not listen to any of them, but took the simple plan and trusted God. The word of God tells us David was a bright lad. It takes a shrewd, smart, gifted person to work for God, yet many think we must not have half sense before we can do anything for the Lord; and the world thinks that Christians are only half-witted. It is not everyone who can preach and teach and lead the people, but ,we can all do some kind of work. Moses was not a fool. He had the leading advantages of his day, and so had Paul. I know from personal experience men and women preach and give long talks whom God has only given power and spirit for a simple testimony. All can testify, but few can preach. The world is not blind to their misplaced efforts, and that is why so many are called fools, for what else are we if we are out of OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 14! our places? Who is a bigger fool than one trying to do something they cannot do? Think of a blacksmith trying to build a fine house ! He might cobble up a little shack, and we have plenty of shacks and cobblers trying to preach and lead to-day. I know mis- sionaries in Denver who haven't enough natural ability to know how to put their month's wages to the best advantage, so that their salary will cover all their expenses and leave them a little besides for a sick or "rainy" day. All they know is to get everything they see to eat and drink, and at the end of the month there is not a cent left. Do you think God wants a person no more gifted than that to do his work? Think of a man going out to do God's work who does not have ability enough to save one dollar to ten or twenty of his wages, or who is unwilling to make some sacri- fices in order that the bills may be paid promptly. You tell me God wants a worker who is not shrewd enough to keep out of debt? There are some who are too lazy to meet their reasonable expenses. Do you think God wants a lazy person? I do not know whether God will even accept their testimony or not. I know missionaries who think it a dreadful thing to get right down to hard, laborious work. I know by experience there is nothing harder or where so much sacrifice is required, as to be a soul- winner for God if it is done right. Those looking for an easy job have gotten into the wrong pew. One should have sufficient natural shrewdness to keep one's self "out of the hole" financially. That is what is hurting the church work to-day. One who does not know enough to mind his own business should first try to convert himself. These kind of missionaries are not fit to teach or help the people spiritually. If one buys a piece of property on the in- stallment plan, whether he be a missionary or a layman, he should be careful to only contract within the limit of his wages, then trust in God. If we do not use reason God will not help us. Do not use up everything you make. Do not ask people to loan you money, and then you will never be in debt, for God tells us to owe no man. If you will live prayerfully and carefully, God will help his children to keep this part of the scripture. It is a disgrace to owe anyone, and always be borrowing. There is something wrong some- where. There is a leak in the vessel, and you have made it failing to use judgment. It is not God's fault, still I have heard Christians blame God because they were poor or in want! If God did not keep a good many of us real poor perhaps we never would get into heaven. He uses this means that we may escape the snare of the devil. We are so blind we cannot see it, and then begin to complain. Let us be careful that we do not get ahead of God in earthly things, for we must learn to let God lead us in our finan- 142 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD cial dealings, else he cannot lead spiritually. This is why we wade in where we cannot get out. That was the trouble with me when God led me to leave the church. The longer I de- layed in obeying him the deeper I got into it. That is the first time my health forsook me. It was then my nervous system began to give way, and I got weak. At times I could hardly speak. There was a month that I did not do any mission work. I left it, and the Friday night meeting, in the hands of others. God let me know all the time that my time was up. I went down one Friday even- ing to lead the meeting after I had gotten better, and the one who was leading the meeting did not like it. I did not know what the trouble was, but I knew something was the matter. The next Friday evening it was the same way, and I said: "Lord, if you want me to go, turn the church people against me." Then I asked several, and I found out there was another sister who wanted my place, and one of the brothers wanted to be leader in the Workers' Band. The Tabernacle had another work in North Denver. I had led the meetings over there before I was taken sick, and we had such good meetings; so I thought if they did not want me in the Friday night meeting, I would go over and see the pastor of the church. He told me they said I was cross and ugly and scolded. I did not know what to think. I prayed almost all night. The next evening I went over to the tent on the North Side, but before the meeting I was told I was not wanted there. The one who was leading the meeting said that if I led the meeting there the people would want me to lead all the time. I asked myself, can that be true? Sure enough, I could feel the same feel- ing there that I felt in the Friday night meeting. You know you can tell when you get into a place whether you are wanted or not. I can tell when I am in the presence of another whether they think well of me or not. I was determined to ascertain what it meant, and discovered that the one who wanted the Friday night meeting had gone around to see how others felt about it, and said anyone could lead the Friday night meetings as well as Sister Peterson, and there was nothing to hinder anyone having good meetings if Brother Uzzell would encourage and help them as he did me. To think that people were shutting me out of my own meetings, which I loved better than I loved my own life, almost broke my heart, and still I had prayed the Lord to turn the peo- ple against me, or to put something in my way if it were his will for me to leave that work. With this, some made it their bus- iness to come and tell me that some of the workers said I was back-sliding. God knew nothing was farther from my mind. The ones who said this, when they saw how bad I looked, had a con- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 143 demned expression. They were the leading ones of the mission work. They had said they would give anything in the world if they had the power I had; and with this came the news that I had committed murder in the second degree. Ah, they were bitter tears I shed over this. I said: "Lord, you know I have been free from sin since I gave my heart to thee." I could not see till God laid me on another bed of sickness. Then I knew what was the matter with me. It required all this talk, and some- one else to take my place, and sickness, to make me see what God saw in myself. He had to let these things come in order to show me. I will tell you what it was. The Lord permitted the devil to give me a round-up with Sister T . I overcame that. The Spirit showed me at that time that the Lord wanted me to leave the work. When trouble of this nature came to the Savior when he was on earth he would slip out, and before they knew it he was gone. He does not want us to contend. I would not obey him and go, when he let me know my work was done, so he taught me a few lessons before I surrendered. The first was I had disobeyed my leadings in not leaving there when my work was done. The second was I must be tried as I had had smooth sailing for three years; and all this time had had no persecution. I had other troubles, but not that kind. I could rejoice through it all till it came to this persecution, and then I wore a long face and began to cry and complain. It took this per- secution to show me that God would have a tried people. All the time I was passing through what most people would call trials, but I had the complete victory. But God wanted to show me I still had the human nature, and that I had things in my spirit that he did not like; not in the flesh, for things of the flesh I had laid aside long before. It was in my spirit. To make it clearer I will tell you my experience. And still there was a little thing in the flesh, but I had not yet seen it, and it was not shown me till I was working in the Haymarket Mission. I worked there five months, and the Lord showed me the things of the flesh, and I laid them aside. But first I will tell you what was the matter with my spirit. I knew I had lived a good, sanctified life for four years ; but he wanted me to go on and complete the work of sanctification, and with these things in my spirit I could not. All of these persecu- tions had to come upon me, that I might see myself as the Lord saw me. They could not attack my conversation, for it was always in Christ. I knew I was living according to I Peter 3:16. I knew the work of sanctification had begun in my life; that I had 144 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD not defrauded my brother or sister in any manner. This is a pan of I Thess. 4:6. I knew my own heart. I had, indeed, lived that whole chapter; and also I Peter 2:1, 2: "Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings, as new-born babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby." I knew that in all the four years, not one in the city of Denver could come to me and say I had not lived according to those verses. I knew I had lived and was living in accordance with Col. 3:8: "But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." These were the filthiness of the flesh and they were gone; still my spirit was not right. Now read Eph. 4 131, 32 : "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger and clamour and evil-speaking, be put away from you with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender- hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." I had done all this and it was easy, for God had given me the grace and strength. Read II Cor. 7:1, 2: "Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all- filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. Receive us ; we have wronged no man, we have corrupted no man, we have defrauded no man." I had done none of these things, and could not see what was the matter. It was the spirit that needed cleansing as well as the flesh. I did not know that sin could be of the spirit till the Lord let me fall ill, and others wanted my place in the church. The Lord permitted them to do as they did, for he could not get me to obey any other way. And then he let the devil afflict me. I sometimes think we blame the devil with a good many things for which we are to blame ourselves. I know, as Paul tells us, I was too zealous in my work and overdid. Not many seemed to think it was the labor of love that had broken down my health, but I know I am suffering to-day from overdoing. The Lord let me see the sin of my spirit through prostration of my nerves. Though it was bad, God brought good out of it. I had some of Job's friends, and they said as much to comfort me as they did to him, and you know that he did not receive much comfort from them. While lying in this pros- trate condition God showed me the sin of the spirit that I had been glorying in what I was doing. It was not enough that my name was written in the Lamb's Book of Life; and that was why I was weak when the refining fire of persecution came, so that I could not bear it and complained. I searched the scriptures to see where I was wrong and I found in II Cor. 10:17: "But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord." I said: "Lord, I do OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 145 glory in you." I was praying all the time for the Lord to show me, and looking farther I found in the same chapter, the last two lines of the twelfth verse, words which I took to myself: "They meas- uring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." I knew a good many times when I saw anyone doing a thing that the word said not to do, as getting angry, and talking about one another, and making ugly remarks, I would say: "Lord you know I don't do or talk like that. Why can they not do as I do?" And when I would hear someone complaining I would say: "Why is it they cannot stand like I do? I am not stumb- ling around like that." Not that I felt better than anyone else ; I did not. I was not proud, or haughty, in comparing myself with others. I was kind, and did all I could to help them. I made all these comparisons to myself. I did not tell anyone, but God knew it would weaken me spiritually. I was not acting wisely, and I was crying and complaining when persecution came. And now you had best stop comparing yourself with others, and be ashamed of your murmuring because of persecution, and be wise. I did not stop there. I found another verse that trimmed another knot off my spirit. I Cor. 8 :2 : "And if any man think that he knoweth anything, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know." The third verse says : "But if any man love God, the same is known of him." I did think I knew a little something, but I thank God I do not know anything now, only as the Spirit brings things. And I go ahead and love God, knowing that I do not know anything. And still the Lord showed me my spirit was not right. Ps. 37:8: "Cease from anger and forsake wrath." I had done this and though I was alright when this was done. I Cor. 10:12: "Where- fore let him that thinketh he standeth, take heed lest he fall." He does not want us to think so much about how we are standing, as he does that we take heed that we do not fall. We get where we think we are all right, when God tells us there is no good thing in the flesh. He tells us to count ourselves unprofitable and unworthy servants. That is the way he wants us to feel about our unworthiness ; and he will let things come upon us, and per- mit us to do things, or say things, or suffer, in a way that will take the conceit out of us; and we will acknowledge in our inmost souls that there is no good thing in us. He will let the devil take our health and let us go through experiences, if we will only stand the test, till he will take out of us every thought that is not accord- ing to his word, for he tells us in his word that he will bring in subjection every thought to the obedience of Christ. The Lord knew I had no other desire but to do his will, so he sent on the refining fire and persecution that opened my eyes, and I was sur- 10 146 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD prised when I saw these things in my spirit that were not right, things that I had picked up before the work of sanctification was complete. God knows I did as the word tells us in Romans 12:1: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service." I knew my body and all its members were not doing wrong, and that I was not yielding my members to sin in any way, and I did not know there was filthiness of the spirit, and I had no one to tell me or to teach me, and it was so hard for me to see it. If we could only realize when these trials come upon us that they are teaching and showing us things that we cannot otherwise see! If we would only stop and think that this is the purpose of these trials, then we would go to work and seek out diligently the lessons he would have us learn. But in the place of looking for that I was looking at how hard I had worked, and how I had broken down my health, and the ones who should stand by me were the ones who would not, saying it was other things that had broken my health. To think that the children of God would have such thoughts ! They were not satisfied till they got the Friday night meeting and the leadership of the Workers' Band. They did not want me in the tent, but without that experi- ence I never would have known the scripture as I do. There were a few who stood by me, and God will bless them for their faithfulness to me. I can number them on my two hands; that is, of the leaders or workers. Brother Uzzell and Mother Uzzell, Sister Spalti and Brother and Sister Jacobs, and Brother Campbell and six or seven others of the Workers' Band. May God bless them and those who envied t me and wanted my place, and yet God will punish all undermining work, and will turn it into a bless- ing for you, teaching you lessons as he did me. I do not regret what has happened. It is worth more to me than all the good things they could say. Another fault in my spirit the Lord revealed to me I never would have seen without this persecution. The Lord showed me it was all right to glory and give vent to the joy in my heart, and shout his praises, for I know when he gave me this liberty. It was before I was sanctified. It was one Wednesday evening. I did not know what in the world to do. I had felt for several weeks that the Lord filled my heart with this joy. Per- haps I can make it plain to you in this way: Did you ever want to laugh real hard when you did not even dare to smile? Well, if you ever did, you know just what I mean. There are people who will almost go through life without having a real, good, hearty laugh. People like that do not know what it .is to want to laugh, do not dare to, and hardly bear anyone who does. I like to see OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 147 people get enough of God's love in their hearts so they will not be as the word of God says, a dog in the manger. They will not eat the hay, nor let anything else eat it, but will stay in the church because it is a comfortable place. Let someone come along who would make better use of the hay or the place, and they will begin to turn up their noses and growl, thinking no one has a right to the hay but them. I have had prominent Christians' turn up their noses at me because I would give vent to the glory that was in my soul. They did not know how to drink in God's word in that way, and did not want me to. They had more of the disposition of a hog. I am not surprised that God calls people brutes, and takes a dog to show the disposition of some people, and professors at that. It was professors whom the Lord was talking to when he said they were like a dog in the manger. Be- cause of this joy in my heart I was always running up against so many of these dogs in the manger. The first thing I knew I would hear them growling and see the noses turned up at me. They would even snap at me, but the Lord had me under the shadow of his wing, and with the joy in my heart it did not affect me. All I asked was for them to treat me as I did them. I had nothing to say because they were still, and I wanted them to have nothing to say because I was noisy. I thought that was the privilege of everyone in this free world, and especially in spiritual things, to follow one's own convictions and leadings. By the grace of God, I have always taken that privilege. This Wednesday evening I spoke of the Lord had so filled my heart with joy I had all I could do to keep still. Suppose you try it once, and see if your heart does not almost burst if you do not give vent to the flood of joy, just as steam confined will burst all barriers. Why should we not give vent to joy of the spirit just as we would laugh or give vent to our feelings with a smile. Before I realized it I was in this condition, and I went to praying about the condition of my heart as I did about other things that bothered me. I would make anything a subject of prayer till I got the victory, so this is the way the Spirit of the Lord brought the thoughts to me. I could not tell the thoughts from words, only one had a sound and the other had not, for the Spirit speaks as plain in thoughts to you as one could speak in words. When I began to pray the thoughts began to come. As the heart believeth the mouth speaketh, and from the abundance of the heart the mouth speak- eth, then I knew the abundance of joy that came to me gave me no other way, so this Wednesday evening I said : "Lord, I will speak if you will give that joy, regardless of anyone. This was the evening before Christmas. The windows were all decorated 148 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD for the holidays.* Sister Ross and I went early and stopped to look at them. I never did put in a more miserable half hour. The old devil would come with his thoughts to me with such power that I would have had to be a wooden woman not to have listened to him. Sister Ross would talk to me about' the beautiful windows, but the devil was more powerful than anything in this world. Sister Ross did not know about the warfare going on in my heart. Now, understand, I take these thoughts the same way you would receive words from anyone and answer them, and you can tell whether the Spirit of the Lord brings them or the spirit of the devil by the knowledge of right and wrong, and by God's word, and the good common sense God has given us, whether it is right or wrong. We have enough to govern us. God has given us all these things to guard against evil. The devil may fool us a little while, but not long. You will know him by your own conscience, and the Lord tells us to try the spirits, to see whether they are of God or not. Moses and Aaron saw the test of the spirits. As they threw down the rod it turned to a snake, then the wise and learned men of Pharoah threw down their rods and they turned into snakes as Moses' did. There is a similar work between the wise of the world and the wisdom of God, but watch them and you will see the wisdom of the world is a failure, and the wisdom and power of God is success, for Aaron's rod swal- lowed up the snakes of the wise men. As I said, the devil may fool us a little while, but his plans are always a failure. Take notice, and something will always happen so you can plainly see the results, and know whether it is of God or the devil. These thoughts would come while I was looking into the windows : "Go down there and shout, and say 'glory' and 'Amen' and 'praise the Lord,' and all of those things that come to you and the people will think you are doing it to show off and be smart." I answered : "Well, Mr. Devil, I think you have told the truth. They will not only think that, but they will say it." And then the sug- gestion came to me, can I speak out all that I fed in my heart? Then the scripture would answer : "From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." And then I would ask the devil what he was going to do with God's word. Dear reader, we must* become familiar with the word of God as did Christ when the devil came to tempt him. The thought then came, "You are not pleasing the people, you are pleasing God," and I hurled that at him. By this time the glory rilled my heart there on the street, and the Spirit brought this passage of scripture to me, "The joy of the Lord is my strength," and I was in good condition when I got to prayer meeting to say and do just as I felt. Now, this is the joy OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 149 the Lord wants us to have, and I got deeper and deeper into the work every year, and before I knew it I was glorying in the work and did not know when or where I got off from the joy of God's word on to that of the work, and did not know till I was taken sick. How could I regret my experience when I had learned such a lesson, and how could I be anything but kind to those whom the devil had used in order that I might learn ? I have told you how I was led when I received the joy of the Lord, and he did not want me to spoil all this joy by blinding me so I would glory or rejoice in my work, Rom. 4:2: "For if Abraham were justified by works, he hath whereof to glory, but not before God/' Abraham's works were much greater than mine, and God told him he must not glory before him. How the Lord bore with me in my rejoicing in the blessings of God; and how he blessed me in my work ! He let suffering come until I could see that I must not rejoice or glory in my labors. I know of no married woman and mother who has sacrificed and suffered to do the work as I have done, and said as little about it. The Lord wanted me to glory in my tribulations, and not the work I was doing. I am glad he let me suffer until I could see it. Rom. 5 13 : "And not only so, but we glory in tribulation also ; knowing that tribulation worketh patience, and patience experience." With all our learning and edu- cation and knowledge we will have no kind of experience till we have learned patience. We can graduate in the greatest col- leges of the land to-day, and it will not bring patience. It must be tribulation, for this is God's plan ; and when we have patience it will bring an experience that is pleasing to God. The fourth verse of the same chapter. When this all came upon me and taught* me to glory and rejoice, there was solid work done, and I began to get an experience and see the scripture as I had never before seen it. II Cor. 12:5: "Of such an one will I glory; yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities." In the same chapter, gth verse: "Therefore, will I rather glory in mine infirmities, that the power of Jesus may rest upon me." That is the way to get the power to take pleasure in persecutions. I read Luke 10:17: "And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name." Also the 2Oth verse of the same chapter: "Notwithstanding, in tTiis rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven." What those seventy were rejoicing in also was I. People would say to me : "If there were seven people in Denver who had the power you have, they would take Denver for God." I did not get conceited or bigoted, for I knew I did not know anything ; for the Lord has told us when we think we 15 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD know something it is when we know nothing. The devil could not get the best of me in that way, so he got me sidetracked on glorying and rejoicing in the work, and how people loved me. When the Salvation Army would see me coming into the hall in the afternoon, after the jail meeting, they would say: "Here comes Sister Peterson," and fire three volleys for me. The families in whose homes I visited all loved me, so that on the days I came to see them, those that drank beer would not touch it on that day. Now wouldn't that make you feel good? One home where I went the husband drank, and all the neighbors and his wife said I could not come. He had told them he would throw me down stairs if I came. The Lord laid it on my heart to go. I trusted and prayed, and as I came up the stairs his wife said: "Oh, Sister Peterson, I am so afraid he will do as he said he would." I told her I could not believe it. I had not been there long when he came in so drunk he could hardly get through the door. He was a large man. He came in and shut the door and leaned against it. He knew me, for I had talked to him at < church. "Do you know what I said?" he asked. I told him I did. "You aren't afraid?" he inquired. "No ;" I said, "I am not," and called him by name. He started toward me, and I pulled a chair close by my side and said:. "Mr. B , come and sit down, and let me talk; to you." Again he said: "Aint yer afraid of me?" and again I assured him I was not. "Well, Sister Peterson, I think yer about right," and /he took the chair and sat down, and made me stay to supper. I did so, and he requested me to ask the blessing. In the blessing I asked God to bless the father and husband of that home; and with tears he said: -"I wish I could be good." He made me prom- ise to come back, and gave me a half dollar for car fare, and went with me to the car. He was still under the influence of drink, and as we were going down the steps I was afraid he would stumble and fall on me. We got down all right, and as he helped me on the car he bade me good-night. The evil spirits were in subjection to me wherever I went. It is no wonder that I rejoiced, being as blind as I was. The time came when my spirit must give up, and lay aside all these things. II Thess. 2:13: "Because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation, through the sanctifica- tion of the Spirit, and belief of "the truth." Not only my body but my spirit also. When I told them I had laid aside everything; that I had given my body and knew the hour the Lord sanctified me, a member of the church, a married man said: "Sister Peterson, you will be running off with some man now, and, a married man at that, for there are no other kind of Christians who do that but those that are sanctified." But the joy of /the Lord made me strong, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 1 51 and I did not mind what anyone said, for God had given me this joy that gave me strength when I passed through .persecution. It was not of myself but the Lord. When I led the meetings I told them there was a blessing, but not j one should stop till they got it. And as I told them, this passage of scripture came into my expe- rience as it came into Paul's life, when he said, iruGal. 4:16: "Am I therefore became your enemy because I tell you the truth?" One evening in meeting someone, in their testimony, opposed, some- thing I had said. I do not remember what it was- The Spirit descended on me, and before I knew what I was doing I was in the middle of the floor, walking up and down the aisle and saying: "If I did not believe every word in this, blessed old book I would put it in the ashpit and stop serving God." I was swinging the bible over my head. I was in earnest, as God knows. I was told that some of those present went to Brother Uzzell and told him I was mad, and the best thing he could do was to stop me. Then Brother Uzzell asked them if I was teaching some- thing that was not in the bible. They said no. Then Brother Uzzell said: "Let her alone. As long as she stays within the lids of the bible I shall not/ interfere." And he never did. I shall never forget Brother Uzzell for the trust he had in me, with all the lies that were told to him. He never listened to one of them r! though he has been censured severely for standing up for me. God has blessed him, and will bless him for \trie trust he had in me. There was enough said and done against me to almost turn the heart of an archangel, if such were possible, but I have always found a never-failing friend and brother and father in dear Brother Uzzell. In all these twenty years, when I have gone to him for sympathy, or help, in my Christian work, or advice or council, he has been more than willing and ready to assist me. One Friday evening I went to lead the meeting. I could vnot tell why, but as I read the lesson and talked I could feel every word I said come back to me, as one who throws a ball against the wall receives it back again. Just ias plainly I could feel my words returning to me. Luke 10 :6: "And if the son of peace be there, your peace shall rest upon it; if not, it shall return to you again." Every word returned to me. What, could I do? I went, the next week, over to the tent to see what I could do. I had already told Brother Uzzell I did not believe I could stay there, and he told me to go.on with the work as I had, and pay no attention to anything, and he would stand by me. I went over to the tent, and it seemed to me I had gotten into a hornet's nest. It was plain that I was not j welcomed there. I was convinced, after this second effort, that my work was done in the Tabernacle. I knew Brother Uzzell 152 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD could not see it as I did, and I hated to go a second time and tell him I. could not stay, when he had always been so kind. He always left the work I was doing to my judgment. He never tried to dictate to me. He never .hindered me in the Spirit's leadings; and I had learned to love the work so it seemed it would break my heart to go. But I could not feel any leading, .nor think but that I xpught to go. I asked the Lord where he wanted me to go. I could see no place to go. I knew I had all the chance in the world to overcome my enemies, for I knew Brother Uzzell would stand by me; and y with all of this reasoning I could not get rid of the leading to go. I had been praying for two years for the Lord to let me stay a little longer, and now I was convinced, my time was up. Brother and Sister Jacobs said : "Sister Peterson, you will be sorry if you do leave." They told me how one of the old mothers in Israel had talked against me. There are too many of that kind. This Sister M had a daughter of her own, , and in deed and in truth it was commonly known she did not bear a good name, and was not a Christian. The mother of this girl was ready to say all she could, in every way she could, to down me; but I never heard her talk about her own. It is a dreadful thing for one mother to talk about another mother's daughter. This same mother will shake hands with me to this day, and when I take her by the hand I know she has done all she could to harm me. As she stands in the class-room to give her testimony, I think : "Well, if she had done all she could to harm me, I know I have done nothing to wrong her in any way." I cannot see how anyone can stand up and say they are children of Gt>d, with any kind of a memory, and with a clear . conscience, and talk about God's children. They are the ones who never confess their faults as God says : "Confess your faults one to another." I never hear them say they have talked about this one, or that one. Per- haps they do not know that God's word says to speak evil of no one. Whether I was guilty or not, it was not for her, or any- one else, to speak evil of me, or to try to harm me in that way, when God plainly forbids it and she a mother in Israel ! They surely get to where they have no .shame, or she could not look me in the face when she knows, and knows I know, and others know. I thank God for the grace he gave me to^.keep me so I can look man, woman or child, old or young, in the face and say I have never spoken evil of them, or made harm of what they have said or done. I only speak of this that others may take heed of the scrip- ture I have quoted in this book, and lay aside that sin before it is too late; and escape many a punishment they would otherwise receive on this earth ; for God will not let those go unpunished OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 153 who wrong each other with their tongues. It is no wonder so many cannot get along and prosper. I am not surprised at the grocery and rent bills, and borrowed money they will go to judg- ment owing; and all because they talk about one another. There is too much of this, and I must condemn it. There is one I can think of now who has professed sanctifi- cation for years. You can hear him say he is sanctified for two blocks, but I know he has repeated things that would harm others. He has spoken evil of those whom he will meet with a smile and shake hands with and call them "Sister", or "Brother." Now, that is a nice kind of a brother to have, isn't it? All I have said or will say will be what I know personally, largely what so-called Christians have said and done to me and for an object that everyone who reads this book may never speak evil of anyone. You have no more right to do this than the man or woman has who drinks, and I will prove it to you as I get further along. It would be beter for this kind of people to take a knife and cut their victim's throat than to try to kill them, by inches with the tongue. Yet some are so* blind that they think they can talk like that and then have power with God and the people ! They think that if someone is converted at their meetings, or under their preaching, it will make things all right with God. But God tells us his word is preached in contention. Phil. 1:15, 16: "Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife ; and some also of good will. The one preaching Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds." God says his word will not return to him void. They do not stop to think of those who came to the Lord and said : "Have we not cast out devils in your name, and done wonderful works in your name?" And he will tell them: "Depart from me." Eph. 2 :g : "Not of works, lest any man shall boast." I tell you God wants us to have his spirit, and the fruits of the spirit, and he wants us to live up to his word in every sense of the word. You must let him judge your works, and works alone will never save anyone. It must be a bible j life. So many think their desire for doing good is from God when it is nothing but a natural desire to do good to others. I have seen those who were never converted love to do good. Do you think their good works are going to save them when they were never converted? Just as so many think after they are converted that works are going to get them into heaven, when it is nothing but the Spirit of God in us that will save us. We must do as Paul did after we are saved. I Cor. 9 127 : "But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means when I have preached to others, I myself should be a cast-away." Who did 154 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD greater works than Paul up to the 'time he was beheaded at Rome on Nero's block? We must keep under our bodies, and bring them into subjection. I find the way I have suffered from some of the .leading workers of Denver the tongue is the last member of the body that is brought under subjection, and I find many of our Holy Ghost workers carrying about with them deadly poison. You can see by reading James 3:8: "But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." Oh, how the tongues from the churches have poisoned my home! The 6th verse of ,this chapter reads : "And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity ; so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." Let a tongue get started in any church in the world, and (it will defile the whole church. Let the root of biterness spring up in one member of any church, and see what the result will be. In I Cor. i :io, the Lord tells us: "Let there be no division among you." They should get after the one who is making the division, the one who has bitterness in his heart, who has this poison under the tongue, who is setting the whole church on fire. James says in the third chapter, 5th verse : "Behold how! great a matter a little fire kindleth." Let the right one get hold of a little fire of envy' or jealousy, and soon it is a great matter. Envy will not have to go far to kindle a great discord. And what does the Lord say about that? Read Prov. 6:16: "These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him." Now from the i6th verse to the 20th you will find the seven things. The first of the seven is a proud look. There are plenty ,who act as well as look proud. Second, a lying tongue. Third, hands that shed innocent blood, which includes children. Fourth, an heart that deviseth wicked imagina- tions. How many are they who think wrong things about others in their hearts, yet do not say a word about it? But God sees and knows the thoughts of the heart, and she plainly tells us in his word that he deals with the heart. The fifth thing God hates is feet that be swift in running to mischief. Oh, how swift a story will be carried from one house to another, from one mouth to another, whether it be a lie or the truth ! It will swiftly go, and professors of the Holy Ghost will often be the ones to carry it. This I know from personal knowledge and experience. Sixth, a cfalse witness that speaketh lies. Do you see the difference between a lying tongue -and one that speaketh lies ? One that will hear a story a lying tongue has told, and then go and speak of this story or lie. That/is the one that speaketh lies or repeateth stories. Neither a saint nor a sinner can repeat a story but what OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 155 they will repeat more than ever happened. The seventh is the one that God^ays is an abomination unto him, and it is this: "He that soweth discord among brethren." We have all seen the discord that rises among members of a church, and this discord is usually caused by members repeating things they have heard. God says he hates these other things, but this one thing, discord among his children, is an abomination unto him. Oh, how is it they will not heed God's word. God says every true child of his should watch every word they speak, that they do/ not say one word that would cause discord. It causes hard feelings and the root of bitterness will spring up. Heb. 12:15: "Lest any root of biterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." These are the little foxes that are killing the vines and sapping the church of her strength, and they are settling down and going to sleep, and losing the power of the Spirit, and getting lukewarm, all because of hard feelings toward one another, because of some- thing someone has said, and the love of many has grown cold because of iniquity abounding. Be wise as a serpent and harm- less as a dove. God tells us the children of God are not as wise as the children of the world. If they were they would locate the devil 'in the one that is always speaking evil of another. Let us not be as simple and near-sighted and shallow-minded and as ignor- ant as those spoken of in Matt. 7 122, 23, who wanted to get into heaven, and had preached and not practiced. It makes me think of some people I have heard who are always talking about their preaching, and how many devils were cast out and how many were converted, and of the wonderful work that was done. Follow them home. All the way they are talking about someone, and when they get home they get angry and scold, all the time wrangling about something. There is nothing right. /Tell me how they can have the Spirit of Christ how can they have the Spirit and speak evil of one another. Matt. 23:3: "All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do ; but do not ye after their works; for they say, and do not." Now, they who are not living as they should, but are living as I have mentioned, are the ones you 'must follow when you preach, but don't do as they do at home. They are like those in II Peter i :g : "But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins." Add those things in the 6th and 7th verses, and then you will not be unfruitful. I saw there was nothing left for me to do but to go to Brother Uzzell and tell him I must go. The Lord was leading me, and my work was ended there. Brother Uzzell asked me where the Lord was leading me, and I told him I did not know, and he said: 156 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD "Sister Peterson, it is nothing but the devil leading you. I do not believe the Lord has anything to do with it. " "Well," I said, "I must try the Spirit anyway." As I put on my gloves to go, Brother Uzzell asked me if I were going to walk over to town or take the car. When we got to the car Brother Uzzell said: "Would you mind walking over?" He lived on the North Side, and it was several blocks to where I transferred. As we were walking over we talked about the wonderful way the Lord had blessed the work at the Tabernacle for the last eight years. He said : "Sister Peterson, I would rather have any member of the church leave than you." Oh, how sad it made my heart when he spoke like that, for it was so hard for me to go away, and when I knew he did not want me to go my heart melted, and it seemed I could not go. I bade Brother Uzzell bood-bye and took the car for home. When I got home I had a good cry and told the Lord I would obey him regardless of anything. My little girl was sick that summer with scarlet fever. A week before she was taken down I stopped in at Sister S 's. She was fixing a little lunch on the table for a man who was sitting on the porch. She said to me : "Sister Peterson, some one must help this poor fellow get work. He has nothing to wear and no place to stay." She asked me if I knew him. I told her I had met him. I told him to come up to the house and I would give him something to do. I had just gotten a poor fellow a job and some clothes two days before. He was in a worse condition than this one. I took him and fixed a bed for him, got him a change of clothing and got him a pair of pants and a coat. I had him take a good bath. He was converted and got work and stopped drinking. This was ten years ago. Three years ago I heard from him, and he was doing well. I expect to meet him in heaven. I had always had such good success on this line, that I was sure I could help the one Sister S asked me to help. There was one drunkard I was the means of setting right, but I could not tell how many times he fell afterwards. I would go after him into a saloon and take him home. One week I staid nearly all the week, and even took medicine to him where he was working, till the effects of the alcohol would get out of his system. What I did was the means of him raising his family. The next day I got a bed ready to keep this poor fellow, and the first thing I did was to get him something to wear. He had not even a pair of hose nor any underclothing. He had helped someone paint a house, and had brown paint all over his trousers, and I knew he could get no kind of work looking as he did. He is not the only one. Many get down like this with no one to help them up. He was not the first, and has not been the last, thank God, that I have been able to help. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 157 Poorhouses and farms, county hospitals, relief organizations, and county commissioners have often helped me with cases where I was not able to do all that needed to be done. They have always kindly assisted me in my labor of love. But with all they do, it does not take one ounce of responsibility from every family in the world. I meet many Christians who say to me : "I pay taxes to keep these kind of people, and I feel I have done my part." They are following their own selfish desires, and do not go to God's word to see what he says about this line of work. I pay taxes, and have for eighteen years, and I presume Job did, from the property he had, and still he did what he could for the down-trodden in his own land. The greatest tax-payer in the world is not freed from the responsibility of taking some poor man or woman into his home. I do not care how stylish your home may be, or how ele gantly you may have it furnished, or how richly you may have your table laden with silver and dainties, that is no reason why you should not have the blessing of God rest upon your home ; and there is no other way that you, my dear brother or sister, can get a bible blessing on your home or children. Without this blessing from God your home will be like the chaff before the wind. The time will come sooner or later when you or your children or children's children will reap what you have sown. There is no other prosperity promised in his word. If you will bear with me I will show you why. First of all, they need your influence, and your presence, and your advice, and your sympathy, which they cannot get at any of the institutions kept by the taxes that you pay. They must feel that you love them, and that you have their interest at heart, and then they will feel at home. Your manner must not be such that every act or look makes them feel that their room is better than their company. I know what I am talking about, for I have seen this tried too often. Do not let them feel their position or condition in life. You must treat them as your own company ; and when you have their love and con- fidence most of them will do anything for you. It will encour- age them to make something of themselves. Your presence will be a heaven to their souls, and they will not long to be out of your company, and feel a relief when they are. I want to say, before we go any farther, the most humble home or family, I care not how poor, can show their love to fallen humanity in this way. It was among the poor our Lord was found. Elisha did not go to the elegant homes in the time of famine. He went to the widow who made her own living. That is why I say we are not too poor to do something. It would bring more than one blessing to the homes of the poor if they only had a place at the table for some 158 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD poor, down-trodden outcast. It would not be long till they could afford a bed for them. The Lord would bless you in the wonder- ful manner he did the widow with her meal. God's won- ders are just the same to-day. What is the scripture written for, if it is not as an example to us? "For all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, foi correction, for instruction in righteousness." (II Tim. 3:16.) We all know it was profitable for this lonely widow. She had no object but a heavenly one, and was rewarded; and so will we be, for God says if you give a cup of cold water in his name he will reward you. If we give as we should, we will be called upon to exercise self-denial and sacrifice. If it is not a sacrifice, your own reason will tell you you are not worthy of such reward. If you give only when it is pleasing to you, and easy, you surely could not expect much of a reward. Let your sacrifice be for your neigh- bor, for you love your neighbor as yourself; because you love their souls well enough to make any kind of sacrifice, and all the time live in hopes of salvation for their precious souls, for whom Christ died. I know these institutions kept by the county are not like the church's work, because it is done too much on a business plan, and not enough on the plan of love. How do those poor, down-trodden outcasts know whether you love them or not, when you have not taken them by the hand and told them of the love of God? You need not tell them you love them. If you have the real love of God in your heart for them they will know it, and it will draw them to you, and you will be able to point them to Jesus. The way the organizations look after the poor and outcasts is so much like feeding animals. They get so much food and clothing from those who are paid to look after them, and not a word of love or sympathy; and most of them are discouraged, and long to get away. Why? Because there is not enough love there, and but little spirituality. Just something to eat and something to wear and a place to sleep, like so many cattle, is not all that kind of people want. They want love to help them in Spirit. Then we who have homes and loved ones should help them. There are some institutions with real, spiritual leaders; but there are more with- out them, and after all we know it is not like home. Everything fails to do the good home influences . can do. It almost takes a heart and spirit of steel to reject God in a Christian home. If they are determined to be wicked they will not stay in the home long, for it would be hell to them. Their lives will change, or they will go away. If they stay they will be made better men and women. Everyone I have had in my home has been helped OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 159 by living with me, and has learned lessons for his good in this world and the world to come. If you do not see the fruits of your labor, leave it with God, and he will not let your labor be in vain. I know from personal work and experience. Another reason institutions cannot do the work they might is that they are hindered in this way: In homes for fallen women, where one is fully determined to forsake the old life forever, and is put in a room with a girl who is not so determined to live a Christian life, very soon the determined girl loses her determination and gets weaker and weaker till she tires of trying and goes back to the old way. Where there is one thoroughly converted, there are three failures. Still with all this discouragement one soul pays for the labor. It is far better for them in a Christian home, where they hear none of the foolish talk heard in a public home. No matter how true a Christian the matron may be, or how stern the rules, they cannot check the influence one girl may have upon another ; and that is why I believe in home work. A girl or woman who is not in earnest will soon become tired of the home filled with the love of God, and you cannot keep her. I advise everyone to go to God and get love in their hearts that they may love the girl as they would love their own and even more so that they may be able to show all patience; we must have this love or we cannot win souls for God. I Cor. 13 13 : "Though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned and have not love, it profiteth me nothing." Do you not see our labors will be burned in the day of judgment if we have not this love? Think of the vile places in the city of Denver! It seems if the city officials knew of all the wickedness that is practiced, things I would not think of speaking of in public or private, which I could not believe could be practiced among the human race if I did not know it to be true, they would close them. I have seen in the homes where they had head lice and body lice, and only once did I get them on myself. It was one wintry day I had been to see a drunken woman. She lived on the alley in a little board shed, large enough to have a single bed and a stove and a table. Her table was a dry goods box and her bed a straw tick on the floor, and you could not tell the color of the tick for the dirt, and the dirty quilts without a doubt would breed lice. After I came home I was warming my hands over the stove, and happened to look down, and there on the front of my dress was a large body louse running over my buttons making his way under my arm. I was not long in knocking him onto the stove. It sent a shudder over me to watch this fellow roast on the stove. I tried so hard to get this poor woman to change her way of living, 160 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD but one bitter cold night not long after that she got drunk and lost her way to her little shed and froze to death in a coal house. As regards this one that I have spoken to you about: He came and cut my lawn, and there was such a sad expres- sion on his face my heart was filled with sympathy for him. I began to pray the Lord to help me get him work. I went to everybody I knew. In the meantime he was sleeping and getting his meals at my house. He had been stopping with us a week when my little girl took scarlet fever. I had no one to help me, and this brother offered his services, for he had already given his heart to God, and he could look after her through the day and I tended her at night. It was not long till the child was well, then I tried again to get him work and failed. One morning he said: "I will try to-day, and if I cannot get work I will leave the city." I asked him what he would do when he had no means to go on. He said : "Sister Peterson, I am so' tired of life I do not care what becomes of me. If I could die I would be happy. It would end this struggle." "Now Brother J," I said, "there is no need for you to talk like that, because your life has been s.uch a failure. There is no reason it should always be so. Now let us pray to-day, and you put your whole trust in the Lord, and he will help you." We knelt down and prayed, and the Lord surely gave me the spirit to pray. He started out to see what he could do. As ,1 was doing the morning work the Spirit came heavily upon me to continue to pray. I said : "Lord, you know how I have been praying for several weeks, and you know I would do anything if that poor, roaming brother could get something to do." Little did I think, the Lord was going to put me to the test. Not dreaming of such a thought coming to me, as I went from the kitchen to the parlor, these thoughts, just like words, they were so plain, came to me : "Would you be willing for Mr. Peterson to go without work in order that that brother could be provided for?" I stopped a moment and wondered if I could do that. You can have some idea how I felt. That was coming near home, and for a moment I did not know whether I could say yes from the heart or not. I said : "Lord, you know I said when I prayed I was willing, if you could give him work, to do anything. I did not know you were going to ask such a thing of me. Lord, you know I meant it." I felt if something was not done he would surely put an end to his life, so I said : "Yes, Lord, anything ; only give that man work." I was in dead earnest by this time, and the Lord knew it. We had our home paid for and a few hundred dol- lars beside, and I thought we could get along a while if the Lord wanted to put me to that test. I knew the Lord would not let OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH l6l its go hungry, for it was one of his promises to provide, and I wondered if the Lord would let Mr. Peterson get out of work. It was not two hours till I saw him coming, and I said: "Can it be he has quit, and the Lord has taken me at my word?" As he came in, he said: "Where is Brother J ?" "He went away after breakfast and has not returned." "Well," he said, "I have had a strange experience this morning." I was anxious to know how the Lord had answered my prayer. "Well," he said, "I was as busy as possible about my work this morning, and all at once some- thing came to me and said : 'You go down to the coach ya d ; they want a man/ " He said he dropped everything and went, and found the foreman and asked him if he wanted a man. He said: "Yes; I do. I just discharged a man an hour ago, and I want one right now." Mr. Peterson told him he had a man for him. He said: "I do not know whether I can find him to-day or not." "Let him come in the morning," said the foreman. I said : "Thank the Lord." Then I told him how I had prayed, and he said there was surely something came to him; he realized it as plainly as anything in his life. If we only could realize the leading of the Spirit! But the Lord has almost to knock us down, or send us some terrible experience before we can be led by him. There are but few who are willing to listen to the thoughts, and inspi- rations, and leadings that come. If a passage of scripture does come to them, they cannot see it was the Spirit that brought it. They think it only just happened. That is why so few are led by the Spirit of God. Common sense and reason should show anyone there .is no other way the Spirit could lead them ; for he is a Spirit, and he will come to us like a Spirit. The Lord says the Spirit is like the wind; it must be felt, and not heard or seen. If we do not let our feelings lead us, how can we be led? If we do not trust, and wait, and look, and believe, then when the Spirit does come, as I have told you, and you do not yield yourself and act upon these feelings, and answer them, how are you going to learn anything? The more you yield and obey, the plainer they will come to you. It will soon be twenty years since I reasoned with these influences, and have been governed by them. No one can get my attention any more readily then these leadings. I have proved and tested them all these years, and have found, with- out doubt, it is the Holy Ghost and the holy angels that bring us messages; and the Holy Ghost leading us, for the Lord tells us he gives his angels charge over us. And then to think how dumb, and lifeless, and short-sighted we are in these experiences! God never intended we should be so ignorant. The Holy Ghost will lead us and teach us if we will only learn how to be led. 11 l62 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD Brother J did not come back till late that evening. I could see before he spoke he had nothing in view, but I asked him if the Lord had answered our morning prayer. He said it did not look that way, and I said : "The Lord has granted our request, and you can go to work in the morning." His face brightened, a cloud seemed to lift from his life. Once more hope burned in his soul. We got him a lunch-bucket and some overalls, and told him he could stay with us till he earned enough to do for himself. He paid for his board that month and got himself some clothes. He staid another month with us, but I do not remember, now, how much longer he staid. Anyway, he got too much money, and like so many others, could not stand prosperity, and began drinking. I talked and prayed with him and got him to stop for a whole month, but when pay-day came it was the same thing again. I told him he could not stay with us any longer. He had money enough to do him a little while. It was not long till he was out of work, and again he came to me for help, with the promise he would stop drinking, for he had learned a lesson. He staid at the house till I found work for him again and he was once more on his feet, then he boarded down town. He held that position over a year. I would go down to the store to see how he was getting along. But it was not long till he again became careless, and the man he worked for said if he did not stop drinking he could not keep him. Again I took him back into my home till he was once more on his feet, for he had spent his money. He stopped drinking again. His wages were small, and when he spent his money for drink he got behind in his room rent and board. He had no money to pay for laundry. Then to encourage and help him, I would do his washing and mend his clothes for him. He would stay sober but a few weeks at a time, till I felt there was no need of trying any longer. I always let him stay at my house for less than he could stay anywhere else, and in this way enabled him to get on his feet, financially and spiritually. This experience of my life was thirteen years ago. I was in the Haymarket Mission, and had taken an interest in this brother after I had quit the work at the Tabernacle, but before I went to the Mission, for it was al- most a year from the time I gave up the work at the Tabernacle OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 163 CHAPTER XIII. IHAD been leading and helping with meetings in a tent at Thirty- first and Market streets, and I had been to a mission on the West Side and could not feel the Lord wanted me in either of those places, so one morning Brother S asked me if I had left the Tabernacle. I told him I had stopped working there, and was waiting for the Lord to show me where he wanted me to work. Then Brother S told me of the Haymarket Mission. I had heard of this place several weeks before, but little did I dream of going there to work when I left the Tabernacle. At this time I did not know it existed. Brother S said they needed workers, and he had told Brother P about me; but he wanted to be sure I had left the Tabernacle before he said anything. I told him I was convinced the Lord did not want me at the Tabernacle any longer that he had taken my power from me, and I was compelled to stop ; and now I was willing to go any place where he would bless me and give me back the power I had. Brother S asked me if I would come down that evening. I told him I could not come till after the meeting in the tent on Market street, as I had promised to lead the meeting there. When I told him I would come down after the meeting, the same old joy and blessing came back to me; and I knew that was where the Lord wanted me. I went down and met Brother P , and went to work Sunday evening. This was in January. I had done but little in the Taber- nacle for about ten months, for in the fall I went back to my father's home and made a two weeks' visit. I had only been home ten days when I received a telegram that my father had been killed, and to come at once. The Lord laid it on my heart to go, though it had been but a short time since I was there, and I did not feel I should go again so soon. But it continually came to me to go, that there was something wrong, and I told Mr. Peterson. He got me a ticket, and my little girl and I went back. It was dark when I got to the station, three miles from father's home. They did not know I was coming, so I hired a rig at the livery and was driven out home. I was in the yard before they knew it. My father and mother had a little house in the same yard with my youngest brother. I went to see father and mother first, and found father in bed. I went up to the -bed and kissed him. As I neared the bed I knew from the influence that came from him that my father had changed, and become a Christian. As I talked with him I felt so different in his presence. By this time 164 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD my brother's wife had supper ready. With mother I walked the few steps from their little home over to Willie's. "Father is a changed man," I said to her. "I can feel it." "Yes," she answered, "he has been leading a different life several months." I asked her about all the family. So far as they knew all were well. In a few days I wanted to go over to my oldest brother's, and there I found why the Lord wanted me at home. I did what the Lord desired regardless of anyone. It was not long till I could tell what was in all their hearts, and I was not long in letting them know that no Christian should have malice or any feeling unbecoming Christians. I failed to get them all in harmony, and my father was one who opposed my efforts. He was like so many Christians, he could not see. Though he was my father, I knew I must obey God. Father thought I should listen to him. He made some threats because of my disobedience to him, but I told him it made no difference, I must and would obey God. It almost broke my heart to go against my own father's wishes. I always thought I loved him more than any of the rest of the family. He being so good and kind to me, it almost broke my heart not to listen to him. I was preparing to go, and was crying as if my heart would break. I lifted my heart to God, for il knew he had sent me back there, and I would do his will regardless of father, mother or sister. I said, as I was getting ready, I would never again put my foot on Kansas soil till the whole family was united and living in harmony, and if they were not united till they met above the dead body of one of them, and I meant it. On the way to my oldest brother I was talking to the Lord in my heart all the time I was not talking to my brother John's wife, telling her how we should all live, and how we should feel toward the whole world. I never will be able to tell you how it pained me to oppose my father. I knew it would spoil my visit, but no matter, I knew I had come for no other purpose than to do the will of God. I said : "Lord, I have come, now bring this about if it must come through the death of some of us, for, Lord, you sent me here for this purpose. Now I have done my whole duty and am ready to return home." I bade them good-bye and said I would never return till something caused a reunion. On the way home I asked the Lord why he sent me on a mission and then permitted me to fail. I got no answer from the Lord then. I knew I had been sent as well as I knew I had been converted; and it was the first thing the Lord sent me to do in which I failed. It seemed there was not one in the family who recognized that God had sent me; at least they would not listen to me. On returning from my oldest brother's, while a little way from my father's home, I saw him OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 165 going down the road toward the station. When I reached the house they told me he was going to Salina for a few days. I stayed several days longer, then started home. At the station I was much surprised to meet my father. As he got off the train going west, I took the train going east, as we changed cars at Salina. He shook hands with me, and bade me and my little girl good-bye. I could see he did not feel as hard toward me as I had thought. I prayed all the way home : "Lord, let this come about in some way." I thought father would relent, as he did on my first visit after I left home. It had been a good many years, and I could not help feeling he had a little spark of desire in his heart to see me, so I hired a buggy at the livery and drove home. None of them knew I was coming. I told the liveryman to wait and see if I could stay all night. I told him father was angry with me because I left home as I did. I went in and kissed my mother. Father was out in the garden, a few rods from the house. As I kissed mother she said: "Rachel, do you know father will not let you stay all night?" I said: "O, mother! I cannot believe father will tell me to go, after all these years. He surely wants to see me by this time." I saw him coming toward the house. When he came in he told me to go, and never to darken his door again. I said : "All right, father, I will go, but I have done nothing that you should treat me like this." I got into the buggy and drove over to Brother John's. The liveryman stayed all night. My Brother Marion lived but a quarter of a mile from Brother John's ; and I went there and stayed all night. Being tired from the long drive, I went to bed early. As the rest of the family were pre- paring to retire, my youngest brother, Willie, drove up and said father had sent for me. I had told the liveryman, as we were driving over to my brother's, that father would -relent ; that no one could make me believe he would let me go back to Denver without his seeing me ; that there was a little spark of a father's love still in his heart. I told my brothers and their families that he would send for me. They would not believe it. They told me that I had forgotten how firm and stern he was. I said : "You wait and see if I am not right." When Willie drove up and asked me to come, I sent father word by Brother Willie that I was in bed, and would not go over till the next morning; that he need not come after me, I would walk, as it was not far. They were afraid father would be angry because I did not go when he sent for me. I told them I did not believe it, and that he wanted to see me as badly as I wanted to see him. I was right. Willie was at the door at sunrise the next morning, and said father did not want me to wait for breakfast, but to come, and mother would have l66 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD breakfast ready. I said to all of them: "Now you see if I don't kiss him." None of the family ever kissed him after they were grown but me. When I told them I was going to kiss him they could not believe it. He was a very stern father, but love could melt him, as it will anyone. Love and kindness will tame the wildest animal, and I knew it would conquer father. I told him when I left the house he would be sorry. Father was in the kitchen, and when he saw me almost at the kitchen door he started for the front room. I followed him. He was standing by the stove with his back toward me. As I came in I went up to him and said : "Father, I want you to kiss me." I put my arm around his neck, and with the other hand I took the pipe out of his mouth, and gave him a big kiss. And it did him as m'uch good as it would any father. This was before 1 was a Christian. And blind in sin as I was, I knew love and kindness would conquer him, and I thought he would do as I wanted him to do in this little trouble. But he was too much like many Christians of to-day. They will forgive you, but they do not, and will not, hav,e anything to do with you. This was not the kind of forgiveness I wanted. He was all right toward me. I could feel his spirit toward me. If he had stopped and thought for a moment he could not have helped knowing I was right. If we only take the word of God, and do what we know is right, God will bring things to pass. He will answer our prayers. As I said, he bade me good-bye, and I came home. I prayed for two weeks that God would bring about a recon- ciliation in our family. About ten days after I returned home I received a telegram that my father had been killed, and to come at once. And there, over the dead body of my father, the whole family were brought together. Oh, but we should live as we expect to die! That is no way for us to live, either in families or churches, or among our neighbors. Everyone should be at peace with those around him. God will give us such love that we can love our enemies as well as those who love us; though we may not feel that we could trust them with everything, for some will make evil of the purest acts or words. I was so glad father 'felt toward me as he did, even though I could not do as he thought I should. I will teH you why I was so glad. I always forgive, and make it known in every act that I have, in every sense of the word, for- given. On the same platform where I took the train for Denver bade my father good-bye, and in two weeks, on the very same platform, I met my father in his coffin. As I came from the west he came from the east, and there we met. He had gone to Council Bluffs, la., and was crossing the railroad at the depot when an OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 167 engine struck him and killed him. The undertaker took charge and embalmed the body and sent it to us, and there where I bade him good-bye we met. When I started to work for the Haymarket in January Brother P gave me $25 a month for four months, then he gave me $10 another time, and when they were giving money for the street wagon I gave $10. This is all I ever received as wages in the twenty-one years' labor. I worked two years and nine months. 1 have given thirty persons a home in my house. The length of time they made it their home would average from two to three years , apiece. I have washed for them, tended their rooms, cooked their meals and nursed them when sick. Ten out of the thirty needed more or less medical attention. Those were fourteen women and sixteen men. The youngest of the male sex I have provided a home for was three hours old, the oldest 65 years. The youngest of the females was 4 years old, and the oldest 68 years. They were of all classes and nationalities. At this time I had given eight years' labor to the Tabernacle. This was my recommend from Brother Uzzell : "I take great pleasure in stating that Sister Peterson gave eight years of her life to the work of the People's Tabernacle without money or price. The Tabernacle never had a more self-sacrificing worker than Sister Peterson. T. A. UZZELL, Pastor People's Tabernacle" The first two years' work at the Tabernacle I had some ex- periences on healing that I wish to speak of. I will give the names of the people interested in this healing. Many who read this book will know the persons. When I was in the meetings my time was taken up and the Lord did not lead me to mention the wonderful way he blessed me as I had little to do with it. It was all the work of the Lord. So many thought because God used me to heal one that I should be able to heal all, and could heal the city of Denver if the Lord saw fit to use me as an instrument to do so. Except it be the will of the Lord, and he leads you and gives the faith, the work cannot be done. The faith that he can do it we all have, for we know there is nothing impossible with God; for we all know he can, and we have faith to believe. That is not the way or the faith that does the work. It is the same faith, but it is applied in a different way. I will relate my experience as an example. Someone may say: "Have you not the gift of heal- ing?" I have not. I can do nothing except as the Spirit leads me; l68 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD and if he leads me then comes the faith to do the healing. I know there is a difference by experience. Sister Lee, who lives over the Thirty-eighth street bridge, was nursing a little girl three years old, who had scarlet fever. She asked me if I would come and see the child. She thought it would die. It was an only child. The father was a coal and wood dealer, and lived just across the railroad tracks on Thirty-eighth street, in a two-story brick. He had his business downstairs, and lived up- stairs. I went to the room, and there lay the child, too weak to free its throat and nose of phlegm. As the child exhaled the air from its lungs the phlegm gushed out of its nose and mouth, and was at once removed before the breath could draw it back. I tell you this to show you how near gone the child was. I had no idea, when I went in, the Lord would use me as the instrument to heal the child. I did not know that was his will. As I was standing by the bed of the child I knew. Not that I had more faith after I got there than when I was going; the only difference was it was the Lord's will the child should be healed. The Holy Spirit revealed the will of the Lord to me, not by the faith 1 had alone, but by my obeying the Spirit, as he led me. Then I knew the Lord was going to heal the child. I knew it by the way the Spirit led me. I began to exercise the faith I had. Do you see I do not use my will and say: "Lord, I will believe;" or "Lord, I do believe." I only used my will in obeying the leading of the Holy Spirit. So many say: "Lord, we do believe that you can do this healing." This is not the way to exercise faith. It must be done through the leading of the Spirit. If it could be done by saying "I will believe," or "I do believe," there would not be one sick person in the world, for it is the will of all to be well. But our will is not God's will. And you see it does not lie in the faith our believing that God can heal. If it did there would never be a sick Christian, for everyone of us believes that God can heal. Reason shows us this is not the way the sick are healed. Now, I want to show you the way God does his work by my own expe- rience. God's word says: "Believe that ye have it and ye shall receive it." And this is all done through the leading of the Spirit. Now listen to me, and see if you cannot understand what I mean. ' had not stood by the child's bed two minutes when the Spirit impressed me, and I responded to the impression, as words spoken to me. ^ Now you surely understand what I mean by the leading of the Spirit. I went ahead and did the same as if it had been words. The Holy Spirit said: "Ask them if they are willing to kneel and pray, and live better lives if God saves their child," for it was the only child. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 169 This was done by my using my will in those thoughts, which mean obedience. Now I was in condition to act upon this pas- sage of scripture : "As your faith is, so shall it be unto you." Then my faith grew stronger than when I entered the room. Why? Be- cause of the leading of the Spirit. If I had not depended on that leading, my faith never would have been in that state; but when I did, I could say: "As my faith is, so shall it be unto you." And this other passage of scripture I could lay hold of: "Believe that ye have it, and ye shall receive it." After all that leading how could I help believing? How did I get* it? Simply by obeying. I did not receive it through the will. Can you see, now, that we are led in healing? Read James 5:15: "And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up: and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him." Many prayers are going up to God daily asking him to save the sick. Do you think for a moment that mother did not pray for her child in faith? Do you think she would ask God if she did not believe? Can you not see the mother was using her faith by the act of the will and mother feeling, and not by the leading of the Holy Spirit? Her prayer would have been like my prayer if I had prayed before the Holy Spirit led me. Of course I did ask when I came in, but there was a difference in my asking when I came in and asking after the Holy Spirit led me. There was a difference after I obeyed in all my feelings. There is a difference in praying in faith and then having faith to come and then pray or ask. That is what this scripture means by saying the prayer of faith. In one case you have the strength to exercise the faith ; in the other the faith is by obeying the Spirit, you have the strength to exercise the faith you have. This is the difference in the two kinds of faith. The first you exercise by natural strength, the second by the power of the Spirit and the work is done. This is the prayer of faith. The faith of prayer or faith to pray will not do the work. I would like to have you get my meaning clearly in your mind and heart. I do not know whether you can receive it into the heart without the experience, but I pray the Holy Spirit may show you the dif- ference. Sometimes the sick get right up, and at other times the answer comes, and you may not see the effect of the answer as soon in some cases as in others, but all we have to do is to wait after God gives us the answer. The answer always comes to me before the work is done. The parents of this child knelt down and said they would live better lives. Before I asked them to kneel there came such a fel- ing to me as though there was a thick, heavy atmosphere in the room. The feeling was like this. Did you every try to get through I7O THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD a crowd of people on the street and were hindered by having to wade through? Well, that is the feeling I felt in the spirit, not in body, and the feeling came all over me to walk the floor, and I said I am led by the Spirit to walk the floor. I do not know why, but as I did the darkness or influence seemed to leave the room. One might ask: "What good did it do to walk?" It was simply obeying the Spirit. Another might ask: "Why did you feel that heavy atmosphere?" One reason was because I was sensitive; another, be- cause the Spirit knew by this feeling my attention could be drawn. This was necessary in order to influence me to walk. Another might ask: "Why should I walk?" The act of obedience committed my will to the Spirit, and then the Spirit could lead me. When the Spirit had my will I was told to tell them to kneel. Another reason for this atmospheric phenomenon was the power of darkness, the prince of the air, the devil. By obeying, I resisted the powerful in- fluence of the devil. We cannot get strength any other way. As the parents were kneeling, even before I prayed, the strength came into my heart, and I could not help believing God would spare the child. This was after the doctor had been there in the afternoon. When he came the next morning he said he looked for the crape on the door. He did not believe it possible for the child to live. He was greatly surprised when he saw the child so bright. The little thing was still weak. A few days after that she took cold an i seemed to have a relapse, and the parents were so frightened they hitched up a horse, and the father and Sister Lee drove to my house. Sister Lee came in and asked me to go down. I was threatened with quinsy, and did not feel able to go. He said : "I cannot go back without you." I knew it was not safe to go out in the cold wind with my throat in the condition it was, and told them to believe what I said, and depend upon it that it was the will of the Lord to spare their child. He said : "I will depend upon what she says." I could feel 'the assurance that the child would live. She got well, and the last I heard of them the child was doing well. Directly after this Sister Vest sent for me. Her hus- band works at the Union Pacific shops. I think he is a boiler maker. They lived three streets beyond the Hyde Park school. Her child had inflammation of the stomach and bowels. It had a high fever and was very fretful. It was nearly two years old. I sat down after I had looked at the child, to see what the Spirit would reveal or lead me to do. As I sat there trusting and waiting, the sweetest feeling came over me, and I said: "Lord, what is this?" That was all that came to me. There were several ladies present, including Sister Vest's mother. They were all talking, but I did not have much to say. I was waiting on the Spirit. The peace- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 171 ful feeling still remained. It could not have been over thirty minutes, and before any of us knew or could realize it, the child went to sleep. Sister Vest was surprised, and the feeling then came for me to pray. All at once such a strange feeling came over every one in the room. Did you ever take hold of an electric battery? This was the kind of shock we all received. It was the healing of the child. I did not understand at first what it meant. I knew it was from the Lord, but it was the first I had received in prayer. I had felt this shock in trances, but never before in prayer. After we had prayed Sister Vest came over to me and asked me what that feeling was. I told her it was from the Lord, that it was something new to me, but that I believed the Lord would show me. When I started home I told her if the Lord revealed anything to me I would come back in the morning and tell her. As soon as I left the house I began to pray, and while on my way home ah ! I can even now go to the very tree I was under the Spirit came to me and said : "The child is all right." She told me that her mother said it was magnetism I possessed that put the child to sleep. I told Sister Vest they could call it anything they liked. I knew it was the power of God. The child got well. The doctor told Brother Vest it was not his power that saved the child. The cure was nothing but a miracle. The child was living and well the last I heard. This is the last healing that was done while I was in the Tabernacle. I have told you of the young man in St. Joseph's hospital, how I kissed him when I went in, and kissed him good-bye when I left him, for over a year. It reminds me of the first time I ever kissed a man in the presence of anyone in this Christian work. One day some of the members of the Workers' Band and I went to the County hospital to see a sick man. There was Sister C , Brother B and myself. The nurse met us at the door and told us she thought it would be best for us not to go in, as he was very low, and it would do him more harm than good. We asked if we might just look at him. We promised not to talk to him, and not to stay. She said there was no hope of his getting well, and she didn't know as it would do him much harm. We went up to his cot. There were a great many others in the same ward. We could not talk with him,' and he was so weak he could hardly speak, so we just looked at him and he a*t us. I thought to myself: "Is that all we can do, to look at him here among strangers, with no loved one near to comfort him? And he must die out here alone." And the Spirit led me to kiss him. In a moment I stepped to the side of the cot and kissed him on the brow, and told him 4 would pray for him. A smile passed over his countenance, and 172 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD we saw a tear creeping down his pale cheek and fall upon the pillow. And the Lord blessed me for the little act of sympathy. They were lying, here and there, poor fellows, with no one to comfort them. We were not out of the yard of the hospital when the devil came to me with these thoughts : "Now you have done it." I said to myself: "What have I done?" "You have kissed that strange man, whom you never saw before, and what will Sister C and Brother B think of you?" "I do not care what they think. I have done nothing wrong, and I know it," I answered. But over and over came the thought that they would not give the right meaning to what I had done, and I said : "Well, if they do not, it is not my fault." But the old fellow would not let me alone. We were half-way home by this time, and I thought I would try another way to get rid of him. "Sister C and Brother B," I said, "I do not know what you think of my kissing that sick man, but I know the Lord led me to do it, and I can't help what you think. If I had it to do over again I would do the same thing." Sister C said: "Why, Sister Peterspn, I had the same feeling in my heart; but I hadn't the courage you had, because of fear of the people." Brother B said: "Sister Peterson, don't think for a moment I think wrong of what you did." He turned to Sister C and continued (by this time we were all in tears and the old devil had to take his flight) : "If I were in the place of that poor fellow and anyone would give me a kiss in the spirit you kissed him I know of nothing that would comfort me more." When Brother B . went to see this brother again he told him, for he was better, that he never had anything do him the 'good that that kiss did. He said : "It made me think of my dear mother and my sweet sister, far away. That is just what they would have done, if they had been there ; in fact, it was all they could have done. I'll never forget that kind kiss of sympathy and the com- fort it gave me." In all my Christian work I do not believe I ever kissed anyone that there were so many tears shed over. There was a lot of harm made over my kissing another man, and some tears shed, but not that kind. Neither were they tears of regret. They were tears of bitterness from the harm the devil made of it. Still I can say from my heart I never regretted the tears of sorrow, not that I learned a lesson on that line, for I did not, for I have kissed many since, and I think I have done as much good work in bestowing a kiss of sympathy and love as with my pocket-book and kind deeds and words. Human beings want something besides what money can buy. That real, tender, true love which is honest and from the heart has power, and goes out to the one who needs sympathy and comfort and helps them at times as nothing else will. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH C3 This old world is cold and barren and lifeless for the want of this true, honest love, that is not tarnished with some other object selfishness or thoughtlessness, or an indifferent spirit, either of which will tarnish or stain the purest love. A lustful thought will drive away and kill or destroy this pure, holy love that God has given us for all mankind. Ask God, in your heart, for this love, and it will well up a spring of living water. I shall never forget one evening after ' the young com meeting at the Tabernacle a stranger stepped up to me and said: "Pardon me; I am a stranger to you but I feel impressed to come to you. I am in trouble, and need someone to help me. I seem led to you. If you would be so kind as to give me a few moments of your time when convenient for you, I never could tell you how much I would appreciate it." I had never met the gentleman before. II' had heard me speak a time or two in the meetings. He was a fine-looking, well-dressed man. I knew it was not clothes he wanted, and I knew from his looks he was not hungry. We held the prayer meeting in the basement that evening, and he came to me on the sidewalk in front of the church. I stepped to one side and told him I would do anything that lay in my power to help him. wondering all the time what it could be. Giving him my card. I told him to call at 10 in the morning, asking him to the sen-ices. He said he would come in some other evening, as he would not* enjoy the sermon that night. I could not get the stranger's sad face out of my mind. I got up in the morning at 4 o'clock, as T had bcm accustomed to do, and had my washing out by 8, and the house work done and dressed ready to receive him at 10. He was there at the appointed time. I gave him a seat and he passed a few w about the weather. He sat there looking down at the floor awhile, and then asked me to pardon him, as he walked a time or two across the floor. I could see he hesitated to tell me his trouble. I said: "My brother, you need not fear. You are safe in trusting me with your life, if need be. I will never betray .your trust." He stopped in the middle of the floor and looked at me and then sat down. I could see he was in deep trouble. I went to him and took his hand and kissed him, saying: "Now, let me he a mother or sister to you." I took my chair and sat down by his side. He fell on his knees and buried his face in my lap and wept bitterly. his great, manly form shaking like a leaf. Then he told me the sad story, and I thanked God that I was able to help him, and I know he will never regret the trust he put in me to his dying hour. I never did mention his sorrow, as he was a prominent citizen of our city. The way strangers are led to trust me is mar- velous. A strange lady passing through the city was led to re- 174 THE LONG;LOST RACHEL WILD quest me by letter to pray for her in some deep affliction she was passing through. I was sent for by a middle-aged man one day about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. He was working in one of the lumber yards of the city. In some way he injured his spine, and it affected his brain. As I went into his room he was rolling and tossing from one side of the bed to the other. He was stopping in one of those cheap lodging houses. His window was a skylight. He had to light the lamp in the daytime, his room was so dark. I got him a glass of water, and then took a paper and fanned him. The bed was not very clean. It was getting late, so I knelt by his bed and prayed. Oh, you do not know how I hated to go and leave hirr alone in that condition. I took his hand and told him I hated to leave him. He said : "Sister Peterson, you seem more like a sister than anyone I have met since I left home, years ago." I knew my presence was a comfort to him. As I left him I kissed him good-bye. I did not know how much good that kiss did in bringing him to own and love the Savior till a few hours before his death. This was before I left the Tabernacle. CHAPTER XIV. I NEVER kept a personal account prior to the last seven years of my work. I wish I had. In almost all of these seven or eight years in the Tabernacle I gave my work to the Workers' Band. I have had a little money given to me now and then for Christian work, but very little. Perhaps if I tell you how I managed my business affairs in order to do what I did, it may enable others to see that everyone can be a missionary for the Lord without being a preacher ; for not many that preach can work on the lines I have mentioned, for most of this work belongs to women. Still there are a few strong enough these days to preach and run a hospital and boarding house and be a mother, wife and housekeeper and do missionary work, too. I could not have done all these branches of work if I had not been strong. But being crippled, doing this work almost one one limb, is the cause of broken health now. Another reason why I give an account of my work is to show the church mem- bers that the word of God does not call busy-bodies, and it is not alone women who meddle with me in the lines I have mentioned, but busy, meddlesome men some of the brethren of the church. They tried hard many times to get it to the public, that I had no one around me but men, and they were mostly of the hobo ele- ment and jail trash. Well, we will see what the Lord says on these lines, not what men say, as I go on with my experience. At OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 175 times it was all I could do to keep my head above the waves. I \\as stuck on this fellow and in love with that one, and at last they got me down as a free lover, but I made up my mind that was a real good name, as God says, npt to love in word, but in deed. I John 3:18: "Let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth." I got comfort out of what Paul said in I Cor. 4 13 : 'But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment." When I went to work for the Haymarket Mission I was in good trim, for the Lord had used some of the carnal-minded members to polish me up a bit, and as instruments to prove* me that I might abound in much fruit. John 15:2: "He purgeth it that it. may bring forth more fruit." This is the kind of members God says are walking as men, and not spiritually (I Cor. 3:3). "Who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" (Rom. 8:4). You sec there are two classes of Christians, one walking as men, the other walk- ing spiritually, so if God makes a difference we ought to know there is a difference, but let us find out before we get through studying the word of God if we can tell the difference when we meet them in church, or in their homes, or on the street, and above all. in our business dealings with one another. Those who walk as men are the ones God permits the devil to use in preparing those w ho would be spiritual; so you see they fill their place, and, after. all, how could we get along without them? God forbid that they go to the end of their lives walking as men! Those who do will have no foundation for their house. It will be built upon the sand, and great will be the fall. (Matt. 7:27.) The excuse of so many is that they have to work hard all day and are too tired to study the word of God. They really do not know how to build a good foundation. They only know that it is their duty to go to church, and go away pleased to think the preacher hit everyone in the church but them. Go to those who are not bible students, and are walking as men, and they will tell you the sermon hit Mr. So- and-so, and Mr. So-and-so will say the sermon hit the brother or sister. It happened that I had just been talking to this brother and sister, and it had done them so much good to know the preacher had hit Mr. So-and-so so hard. I know this personally as a fact. The sermon hadn't done a bit of good. Why is it we hear tlu word of God and are not profited by it? Because we are ignorant of how to apply it to our lives. What is the cause of our igno- rance? God says we are willingly ignorant. The reason is that we do not study the word, prayerfully and earnestly, on our knee*. If the word of God is in us, we will live it. Then we can sec. And if we do no* live it, that is do just as God tells us to do, 176 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD and know what it is he tells us to do, God says we are blind and cannot see afar off. They that walk as men are carnal-minded, and see evil in almost everything and but little good. They make evil out of purity, and go from 'one to another telling it for one of the most wicked facts. This is what God calls the carnal mind. Rom. 8 :7 : "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." Now if we do not lay aside this carnal mind and evil eye we are living every day in enmity against God ; and what will become of ^us ? Did you ever think of what God says of an evft eye? We ought to come to God and get our hearts right, therf our eyes will be right. We had better have our eyes taken out than use them evilly. Why? Luke 11:34: "But when thine eye is evil, the body also is full of darkness." Is it not better that we enter heaven with one eye than hell with two, or go into heaven blind than to hell with eyes wide open? There will be nothing there that is grand or beautiful or pure or holy; then what comfort will your eyes be to you there? I tell you the best thing to do is to lay aside all of these things now, for now is the day of salva- tion. I am talking to the carnal-minded and evil-eyed Christians. And if I read my bible right, there is danger of having the carnal mind ; but we will have to suffer here greater than we ever made anyone suffer by using the carnal mind. By the time I was ready to go to work on the street wagon all the glory and rejoicing that displeased the Lord was taken out of me, and I was ready for the battle; and the Lord wonderfully blessed our labors. I will never know till the judgment day how many precious souls received the word of God that was sown on the street corners. This is the way I managed my home affairs in order to do the Christian work I have done for the last seven years. Those that were able to give me a little something, and were not able to go elsewhere for room and board, I took in. The only ones who ever gave me anything were two women I had given homes. They gave me enough to pay for the. food they ate, that the burden would not be so heavy on me, and another gave me $i a week for awhile. She was sick so much that I let her stay for $i, washing,, room and bed, and I waited on her when she was sick. When she got well and received better wages, she gave me $2 a week. That is all I got till the last year, when she gave me $3 a week for washing, room and board, arid fire; and then I waited on her when she was sick, often taking her meals to her upstairs. Seven out of the thirty I have given homes to are all that ever gave me that much to help me bear the burden. One of the seven I had done so much for in getting work and in sick- SOME .4\0\Y.MOrS LETTERS I HAVE KNOWN OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 1/7 ness, after I had gotten him work I asked for $5, and he was angry, when it was known I wanted the money to help some one worse off. I just say this to show how ungrateful Christian people are. When they are blessed with care and attention they are so selfish they don't care whether anyone else is cared for or not. This is the sole reason so many Christians are hard up. God will not bless them when they are so ungrateful and selfish. What I haw dnnc outride of my home I cannot begin to tell; and some would fed hard toward me because I could not do more. When they are Migratcful to God for his goodness, which we all are more or less, what could I expect? But thank God everyone that has shown ungratefulness to me has been sorry and ashamed. I had, up to this time, what one would call spiritual pride, which was nothing more or less than spiritual wickedness. I had such a time getting rid of that spiritual uncleanlincss that I can tell as soon as I meet me whether they have this pride or not. just as plainly as you see the natural pride in anyone. To be proud because God ou, and gives you power with the people, is as bad as to have worldly pride. Can you see the life I was living? My htairs," I said to her, "and through the day, if he comes to you with those feelings, for he will not stay long if we get on our knees over it." It was not long till she got the victory. Every- where I went I took her with me. If I went to see the sick I had her pray. I looked after her as a doctor would his patient, till the old devil found two were too much for him, and gave her up. It did me so much good, while she was helping me about the work, to hear her sing this song, after this experience: "There is a spot to me more dear Than native vale or mountain, A spot for which affection's tear Springs grateful from its fountain. " 'Tis nhe ran away. After a while she came back, and went into the clothes closet, into the clothes basket, and hiding her face, said: "Now, mama, I can ask you." "Well," I said, "if you have to go and hide like that to ask your mother anything, it's all right; but, Ruby, if I wanted to know anything, and wanted you to tell me, do you think I would go and hide in the clothes basket?" She did not answer for a long time, then she said: "Let me ask you here this time, mama, and I won't do this way any more." So I said: "All right." She had asked me several questions on the same subject, and I had told her the truth. She saw I would pot tell her till she came out and asked me straight. I would not allow her to hint at anything. Then she asked me,- and I said : "Now, Ruby, that's all right. There is nothing you ask* that I am nor willing to tell you. If you are old enough to ask, I ought to have sense and reason enough to answer you satisfactorily ; only I think, Ruby, you are five years too young to know. But your mind is aroused, and I want to be the one to tell you. Come out of that clothes basket, and come to me, and I will tell you." She did so, and I took her on my lap. kissed her, and said : "Now, Ruby, if I tell you, will you promise me you will not tell anyone?" I thought it would be well to exact this promise of her. She prom- ised, with all the earnestness of her little soul beaming out of her bright face, and then I said: "Ruby, if I tell you everything, you HUM tell me everything. If I should ever find that you keep any- thing from me, I will know our agreement is at an end." Young as she was, she has kept that sweet little promise. Why? Be- cause I got her confidence and promise first. I have told mothers of my success with children, and they were amazed. Mothers have gone to other mothers about it. and some would say they thought I was mistaken, but I knew in my own heart I was right, and I went on and I thank God to-day that I did. I have always had her perfect confidence in everything. I have learned through her of subjects of conversation between girls that were never dreamed of when I was a girl: One bad girl among 300 can educate the whole school of girls along these lines. You will see such a girl standing on the corner, usually with from one to five boys around She is able to post every girl in the school, and can give you a little information for mothers, yet she is still in short dresses. I know I am safe in saying there is not a school in the United States that has not some bad boy or girl in it. I want to tell you, >ung people are so "enlightened" and so far ahead of the that they do not see there is anything wrong in being up-to- date in everything. They are not timid in telling of their knowl- edge, secured in this way, and many girls think they are smart know things to tell other girls. They are promptly headed 270 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD off when my daughter is reached, who tells them the result of such things even going a little farther than they, and more sen- sibly. If mothers could only be a mouse in the corner, their eyes would open when my child talks to them, and the first thing they would want to know would be where did she get her information ; and when she would answer that "Mama told me, and explained it all to me," they would think it most wonderful. My daughter has been able to advise girls two years older than herself, and show them in the right way. She comes home from school and parties and tells me what the girls say; and then I tell her how to advise and warn them. I have heard mothers say their girls were as innocent as young babies. Nevertheless, they were bright enough to ask questions. Their minds are not asleep, and when we think so we are mistaken. My little girl has been asked ques- tions she did not quite know how to answer, and she came and asked me. What was I to do? Let them learn through some girl who would not answer right, and do all three more harm than if I should tell her? I saw my own daughter was in danger, for her mind was aroused. I explained everything to her that she could understand. If these things are explained there is less danger. And how the girls wonder that Ruby's mama tells her everything, and that she tells her mother everything ! They think it one of the strangest things they ever knew. One might think, judging from what I have said, that tjhe children of this school must be of a low class. But such is {not the case. It is not in the slums of our city; neither is it a second- class school. It is one of the first-class schools of Denver. Mothers, try this plan: Get the confidence of your children first; and there is no better way than to answer every question, truly and hon- estly. Other plans have been tried, and failed. Look for the question; and don't wait for it to be asked. Remember, we must be as cunning in keeping our children out of the snare of the devil as the world is to lay plans to entrap them. Let us pray and talk religion before our children. My child has heard me talk since she can remember, as I have written in this book, all about the devil, and the leadings, and what I have heard and seen spir- itually. She understands the influence of the evil and good spirit, and can discern an evil spirit in a person as soon as I. Not half the Christians of to-day know as much about the Holy Spirit and the evil spirit as she. Oh, parents, if you love your children, and want them to do right, do as David tells us. You may not think it will do much good; you cannot think it will do any harm. The reason my daughter knows so much about these things is, I have talked before her so much she could not help knowing. David said : "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children ; OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 27! and shall talk of them, when thou settest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou raiseth up." That means all the time; and to do this we must have these things in our hearts. If we have such hearts, the Lord will be with our children, and we will not be so hasty with them. But we will, at all times, stop to reason with them kindly, as David said. He was a man after God's own heart, and had a great deal of experience. He lived a long time, raised a family, and was, without a doubt, a good man, or he could not have written a book like the Psalms. And surely none of us are so wise that we cannot learn from David. Psalms 2:12: "Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little." We must reason with our children, and not let them get angry if we can help it, for there is danger of our perishing. Col. 3 :2i : "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." I say we cannot be too care- ful lest we talk to our children discouragingly. If we stop to think it is as easy for them to get discouraged as it is for the par- ents; for their troubles are as much to them as ours are to us. Eph. 6 14 : "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath ; bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." If we do not heed these truths what can we expect but failure? We must use common sense, and lots of religion, if we save our children. For we cannot but see the world is getting wickeder all the time. David tells us in Psalms 112:5 "A good man sheweth favor, and leadeth : he will guide his affairs with discretion." God wants us to be careful in our business affairs, and use good, common sense. It is high time we were using discretion with our children, above everything else. Still, if we are not living right ourselves, what can we expect of our children? Mark the words in Psalms 15:3: "He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor." In the 5th verse he tells us, if we do as he teUs us in the 3d verse, we shall never be moved. It pays to listen to what God says concerning things that seem small in the sight of man ; then he will bless our boys, and girls, and ourselves. Oh, it is pitiful to think of tihe unprayerful mothers, raising their children without prayer, or blessing at the table ; and I know they are good mothers, yet their children never heard them pray. As a rule we cannot say that of our mothers. We need prayer. What can we hope from our boys and girls, growing up without it, when we see so many men and women, who have praying mothers, get so far away from God, and live such careless, indifferent lives, some in sin as ( in the time of Sodom and Gomorrah? You would be surprised if I should tell you the number that seem to be living decent lives, going 272 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD in the best society, who are found in the ball room, and card parties, and even at socials and entertainments, that take re- spectable girls to church, go into homes where young girls are, and even take up young babes and kiss them, that are counted the best kind of men ; and away somewhere in a room he is keeping a woman. Oh, if up-town rooming houses of our large cities could talk, what a tale of sin they would tell ! Lawyers, doctors, mer- chants, tailors, laboring men, saloon-keepers, printers, and the great number of all classes that indulge in this sin are almost as numberless as the sands of the seashore. Yet they claim to be re- spectable, and come and go in our homes, while they have their own unfortunate woman hid away in some rooming house. AnJ they have praying mothers, too. How they can have the con- science to go out among the good, and true, and virtuous, is more than I know. Surely they would blush with shame if their mothers knew. When they are with a virtuous young lady it would never do for the woman he is keeping to come in and make known her relationship to him. Is he as good as the woman he keeps? I say no; because her conscience would not permit her to live among the pure, true, and virtuous. She goes away alone, and sep- arates herself from all that is pure, and the influence of good, an 1 there is nothing to check her. She will go deeper and deeper into sin, and farther and farther away from the influence of her dear, praying mother. This is why a woman, when she falls, is con- sidered lower than man. A man's conscience is not so tender as a woman's. He will push himself into good society, amongst the pure and innocent. If he were as willing to separate himself from the pure as the woman is, our girls would not be in the danger they are to-day. Many have asked me why a woman could fall so much lower than a man. The experience I have had with both sexes has been man never considers himself fallen, nor his fellow- man. They never treat one another so, no matter what he does. They are always men. But let a girl take a misstep, and the other girls look upon her as a degraded creature and treat her as such. While our Savior was here on earth he tried to show them there was no difference, but in vain ; for the human race still makes the differ- ence. Another reason is that the majority of men have nothing to fall from. The Savior said if they looked on a woman to lust, they committed the deed already, and his heart was guilty before God. So you see there are no fallen men. They are all alike, as are the women outside of Christ, for Jesus said there was no difference They all had sinned, if not in act, in thought. That is why the carnal mind is emnity against God. While we have the carnal mind there will be carnal thoughts; and we have no right to make a dif- ference so long as we have the carnal mind. If we do God calls OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 273 us hypocrites, and we are sure to be compelled to live in eternity with those women, if we do not have the spirit of God, and know ourselves that our sins are forgiven. As this is true I think the best thing to do is to get acquainted with our future company, if you do not repent. If you repent, and become a child of God, then if we meet, and talk, and eat with them, as Jesus did, let your talk be seasoned strongly with salt, as God says you might be able to win many onto your side, by living firmly for God. He tells us in I Cor. 16:22: "If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema, Maranatha." He tells us again in II Peter 2:10: They "walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and de- spise government. Presumptuous are they, self-willed; they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities." Twelfth verse: "But these, as natural brute beasts, made to be taken and destroyed, speak evil of the things that they understand not; and shall utterly perish in their own corruption." Think of meeting a human being that God calls a brute beast! They are not all among the fallen women, either; for God does not say it is altogether the harlot, and getting married to them ; and God counts all alike that are not believers and love not the Lord Jesus Christ, for he tells us to let them be Anathema. It is any wonder he tells us not to be un- equally yoked together with unbelievers? Is it any wonder he tells us our children will be unclean? How strange we cannot see the truth till our children are raised and we are ready to die ! My prayer is that our children may look to God for their companion, and not marry while the devil has them blinded. Oh, if we would not lean on our own understandings, but trust God ! May we as parents live before our children so they will have confidence in our religion. God says they will be led to glorify our Father in heaven. Oh, for a religion in our homes wherein we may be happy with Christ reigning in our hearts. Is it your desire to know what it means to walk in the foot- steps of our Savior? If you have the desire, sanctify yourselves. This is the key to a successful Christian life. Without it we can do little. With it we can only do our reasonable service; and only then can count ourselves unprofitable servants. I say again, become sanctified. This is the key to the closet of God, where he keeps the secret things for the ones who come to him. As I have said, you must first get the Spirit, as I received him four weeks after my conversion. We must have him to lead and teach us, as the disciples had Christ. He will take the things of Christ and reveal them to us, and show us how to get the key; and then the Lord will permit the devil to try us, to see if we will throw the key away. If we cannot be trusted with the key, he will never let us use it to unlock the door into his secret things. I carried this key 18 274 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD for several years, and was as helpless to use it as I was before I got it, till God proved and tested me. The Holy Spirit will lead us to where the key hangs, but not one of us can use it till the Holy Spirit shows us how; and you will not know how till he has proved you to yourself, and to God. There are many who let the Holy Spirit lead them to where the key hangs, and as they reach up to get it (talk about the great iron keys that open the doors to our prisons, they are nothing to be compared to this key of sancti- fication), they find the Spirit and think they are sanctified. I know this to be true, because the very ones that have sought sanctification have asked me, at the time they were seeking, how I knew the Spirit led me; then I knew they did not have the Spirit. If they had they 'would have known. They were trying to seek this bless- ing alone, without the Spirit to help them, and they had not asked the Father for the Spirit. If they had received the key they would have come to me and asked me how to use it; for they had not the Spirit to show them. And if God had given them the key they would have had to wait till they asked the Father for the Spirit to srTow them how to use it. I pray I may, through the direction of the Holy Ghost, make this so plain that those who wish to seek for this key even as a child seeking this blessing, may be led into the light. The first thing to do is to ask for the Spirit. The Spirit occupies the place Christ did to the disciples when on earth. You may ask why I call sanctification the key, and what it really is. It is a wonderful blessing. But remember a key does not amount to much if you cannot use it. But I know God does not give the key unless you have the Spirit with you to lead you. Many think they have t!he key, when it is the Spirit come to bless them, because of the faith they have in asking God; and that faith brings a blessing, just as faith brings a blessing in a justified state. I know many who have taken a blessing for sanctification, and. afterward acknowledged they were not sanctified. The time I refer to was before Carradine came to Denver the first time. Holiness meetings were being held for people to be sanctified, and I remember as well as if it were yesterday. One evening a servant of God was preaching a sermon on sanctification, and he himself had not the experience at the time. How do I know he was not sanctified? Can you not tell the difference when one who testifies is converted, and when he is not? There is as much, if not more, difference between a justified testimony and a sanctified testimony. Not but that the one who is justified is of God, for it is only that the difference lies in the power of the testimony. Is there not a difference when the wind blows with power, and a gentle breeze ? Yet both are wind. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 275 But the way I had my knowledge strengthened and confirmed regarding the one who preached, was that when Carradine came he, with others, testified that they were not sanctified; and after thai I never let the devil waver me, nor received a testimony into my soul as a sanctified testimony, when my spirit, by the help of the Holy Spirit, showed me the difference. Something else happened that evening that made me remember, better than anything else ; and that was while the preacher was conducting the services I knew he was not a partaker of the fruit he was trying to teach. God says we cannot rightly divine it till we are partakers of the fruits; and even then we are too helpless to teach it, unless we have the gift, just as we must have the gift to preach, after we are children of God. We know, and everyone else knows, whether we are sent of God or not. After the sermon they invited people forward to seek sanctifica- tion. I was not thinking the Holy Spirit would deal with me as he did. I was so convicted or I would have been almost frightened to death. As I sat there praying God not to let me be a crank on this doctrine the Spirit showed me different. It is easy to lose one's power by letting the devil blind us, and switch us off on these crank tracks. So I was praying with all the power the Spirit had given me not to feel as I did if it was wrong. I was waiting for the Holy Spirit to bring some passage of scripture to me, if I was wrong, for God knows I had nothing against anyone in the meet- ing, and nothing had been said so the devil could tempt me, and make me feel that way. After I had considered everything I trusted the Lord to lead me aright, as David said, in a plain path, that I might know. And what do you think come to me? A passage of scripture that I had not thought of. The Holy Spirit always does different from what we expect. His ways are not our ways. If we obey him we must deny ourselves, and not act on what we think, but the thoughts that come. God tells us we must deny our- -elves and take up our crosses, or we are not his disciples. The words came to me like this : "Do you hear the noise in the tops of the mulberry trees as a rushing wind?" And I said: "Lord, I do." The scripture seemed so plain and real that words came before me like the trees themselves. Without a doubt I heard the wind, and the Spirit came upon me, and I thought the veins in my body would burst, and that my heart was too large for my body. Then followed these words: "Stand up and tell them they are making mockery of my words ; and their worship has come up before my n.^triU as a stench." That was some more scripture I had not thought of. I began to pray harder than ever for God to have nurcy. "Lord, you know there are three ministers of the gospel nil tlu- platform, and I am only looked upon as an ordinary chris- 276 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD tian. What I would say would have no effect on the people." And I promised the Lord if he would have mercy on me in a meeting I was not leading, I would talk of it privately, but I could not get up in that meeting. Then the Spirit began to leave me, and I know I could not have been his disciple another day if I had not plead for mercy, and promised to tell it. But he did not let me go unpunished for disobeying him. I should have gotten up and told them what the Lord said. This was one of the mistakes of my Christian life not obeying the Spirit. If I had known then what I know now, I would have testified to what the Spirit revealed to me if they had put me out the next moment. We have to learn as the Son of God learned. (Heb. 5:8.) I know it was all because I would, not obey the Holy Spirit that I had to suffer. That was the first time he led me to say much about sanctification, though he had led me to live it. I could preach the gospel and talk to sin- ners, but the Lord would not lead me to teach sanctification. It was two years later that I got where I said: "Lord, I will obey." Be careful to get the meaning of every word. If you fail in one word you fail to get the understanding of what the Lord would have you learn. This subject, above all others, should be read carefully, and prayerfully, two or three times to fully get the mean- ing. And now the reason I call this word, sanctification, a key, is because shackles, put on prisoners to hinder them, are fastened with a clasp, and unlocked with a key. He can use his hands, but not so well as if they were free. His sight is not impaired, nor his mind clouded, nor his will weakened; but the weight hinders him. His one desire is to get rid of these weights. You could not con- vince him that he did not have them, and he does not expect to do much till he gets rid of them; neither can he be satisfied. % He is living in the hope of ridding himself of every weight. He counts the days between him and freedom. Ask what bothers him and he will say: "These weights." Observe if a justified person does not use the same words. It means a person walking in all the light of justification, not one who gets up and says: "I know I am doing things I should not," and stop there. He will never know anything else; but let one say: "I know I do things I should not. I do not like to live this way, and I would like to know if the day will come when I need not do wrong." Note the difference in these two testimonies. They testify alike, except one goes farther than the other. Why? Have they not gone to the same Savior, and was not the blood shed for both? Another differende, one is satis- fied to go in the same old rut. He has no spiritual desires or ambitions to make more of his spirtual life. His mind is not troubled. He has the knowledge he is doing things he should not, but he goes on in the same way. After a while he finds he is OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 277 not getting along so well in his religion; but of course he has forgotten all about opposing sanctification. The word meant so little to him he soon forgets it, but he begins to feel something is wrong. Soon he will testify he is not so bright spiritually; or that his faith does not make him as happy as once it (Jid- Yet he knows no way out. Tell him the reason is that he has not the Spirit to lead him, and he will tell you he knows he was converted. Ask him if he knows he has the Spirit, and when he got him, and he cannot tell you; but he can tell you where he was converted. He never had the Spirit or he would have no word to say against sancti- fication. The Spirit leads no one to doubt or reject this blessing, or to discourage others in seeking it. If there is one precious soul that has been stumbling like this, let me entreat you, dear one, stop before it is too late. Many will say: "Well, if I have not the Spirit to lead me, what is this comfort I have enjoyed all these years?" Do you not know there is a comfort in faith? God says faith can do wonderful things; and those who have faith in the wonderful works of the devil get comfort from it. It is a comfort to them and they have a liking for others who believe as they do. If we have the Spirit to lead us, it will not be long before he will lead us into the blessing of sanctification ; neither can we have love perfected in our hearts without sanctification. God is not going to give us the greatest thing first, and the greatest of everything is Then you ask, what will you do with this passage of scrip- ture: "Everyone that is born of God loves his brother; and he that loveth not his brother is not born of God." But that love is not perfected without the complete work of sanctification. Observe a new-born soul and you will find they love everybody, and are very happy. But that love does not last long, and soon we see the old Adam nature creep out. If we had the love spoken of in I Cor. 13:7: "Beareth all things," and "endureth all things," we would not be impatient ; we would have no spirit to show unkind- ness. The 4th verse says, they that have this love are kind. You a>k what was the matter with that new-born soul. Just what God if they do not ask the Father for the Spirit immediately after their conversion. They cannot help themselves, and instead of going on they will go back; and little by little, as James tells James i :35, the same old Adam lust of anger comes up, and we need the leading of the Spirit to help us seek the bl of sanctification. This blessing takes out the old anger through the Spirit helping us. Perhaps my own experience, four weeks my conversion, might serve as an example. I saw, even that early. I could do nothing alone. I knew I was converted, but I knew I must have something to help me do my duty. I have already told how I struggled for two weeks, but did not know 278 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD enough to call him the Spirit, though I asked for something. There was no one to tell me it was the Spirit I needed, but the Lord knew what I meant, and that I was so ignorant I did not know what to ask for. But after I got him I knew the meaning, and he began to lead me to the light. He showed me my jewelry, my temper, the Adam nature, spoken of in James 1 115, and I yielded against my will. Then I was as Paul says in Rom. 7 120 : "It is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me." And in the 23d verse he says the sin was in his m'embers. That is why he said in the 2Oth verse, "now if I do that I would not," something he was not willing to do, when he said : "It is not I that do it." He had been con- verted, and wished to put anger from him. What made Paul feel like that? He did not even know he was doing wrong when he was on his way from Jerusalem to Damascus, persecuting the children of God. But he knew now because he had been con- verted, and the things he did now were not of his heart ; that had been born again. In the flesh, or the members, was where the old Adam sin lay. Paul knew if he did not do something with that sin he could not endure. I John 3:9: "Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin ; but his seed remaineth in him : and he cannot sm, because he is born of God." Paul said, I do not sin, but it is this body. He knew this was not a good condition. In Rom. 7:24 he said: "Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" He had already received the Spirit to lead him, and he thanked God through Jesus. Rom. 8:1: "Now no condem- nation," and in Rom. 7 124 : "O, wretched man that I am !" He knew there was no help for him if he did not let the Spirit lead him. In a little while he would be as James says (James 1:15), that when the sin of the body is allowed to remain in the mem- bers, there is danger of the old lust of anger getting conceived into the spiritual man, the part that was born of God, and bringing forth sin ; after that the heart really takes back the old lust of anger. And when sin is finished it brings forth death, and the spiritual man dies. It was sin or lust in the members that caused the con- ception to take place in the new man, and it did not take long for sin to overwhelm him. God says he is dead in trespass and sin. II Peter 1:9: "He that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sin." In the loth verse he says : "Brethren, make your calling and election sure." There is nothing sure for people like those referred to in the 9th verse, because they lack the things spoken of in the 7th verse, brotherly kindness and love. And he lacks these things because when he was converted he thought that was all, instead of seeking and praying the Holy Spirit to lead and help him. Like Paul, I, too, knew in that condition my conver- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 279 sion would do me little good. It would not have been long till I could scarcely have been told from a sinner. I was longer com- ing into the light of sanctification than there is any need. Three years the Spirit led me, and all the time I let things hinder me. God knew in my heart I wanted to be free from anger, and hateful words, but I was so slow;. almost as slow as I was in coming to obey the Spirit in everything. I lived for three years as described in II Cor. 7:11. It was a godly sorrow. I was sorry every time I became angry. I got so I hated myself for having such an ugly temper. I said there was no use in trying, I could never be a. Christian and do like this. As I said, I was hindered. I was sick, and during the three years my little girl was born. For two years following I could not do much in looking after my spiritual wel- fare. I was never free from the feeling that I must live a better life till I experienced the condition described in the iith verse, and was determined to do better no matter what came. Every one of these feelings was surging through my soul : "Yea, what indigna- ton, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what re- venge, yea, what clearing of ourselves." This was indeed godly sorrow ; and when the Spirit brings this sorrow there will come, also, a carefulness that was never wrought in your heart before. It will make you watch and pray, and be careful to guard against all these evU natures. There was not a day I did not pray God to help me get where I would be satisfied with my Christian life. Oh, what a hungering and thirsting after something that would make me better! Tell me God will not help one who constantly comes to him for three years ! Does he not tell us, in Luke 18 :6, to hear what the unjust judge sayeth? And in the 7th verse that he will do better by us than the judge did with the widow, if we will cry day and night unto him? Always he hears us, though he does wait a long time sometimes before he gives us what we ask of him. The Lord knows it was not through any selfish or worldly interest that 1 was asking. I cannot help thinking that anyone, with half a desire to do as God tells us in his word, must see, if he does not wish to be lost, that he must get this blessing of sanctification. Reason tells us we cannot stand still. We must grow better or worse. How can we improve all hemmed in and ham- pered by the carnal mind and the sin that is in the flesh? This key of sanctification unlocks the door of the temple and turns out the carnal nature. The spiritual man cannot prosper as long as the carnal man is in this temple of clay. God tells in I Cor. 6:19, that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. Where you see malice or anger the outward man is having his way. The Spirit cannot lead the inward man, for the Spirit is hindered by the outward man. John 16:13: "When he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide 280 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD you into all truth." Have you received him to guide you? This shows that we must be going ahead, for one who is standing still needs no guide. It is plain enough that we cannot get along with- out this guide. It shows, also, that we do not get all the truth at once. If we did there would be no truth for the Spirit to guide us into. John 8 132 : "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." You may know the Spirit is leading you because he is showing you the truth. You can see new things in the bible every day that are a benefit and help, if you accept them and live them. The result is you will be free, If you are not free, then it is plain the Spirit has not shown you. When he has you will not have any rest till you let the Spirit lead you, and till you know you are free. Then you can live according to I Cor. 6: 20, for you will glorify God in your body and your spirit. You will have control over the members of your body and will use them for the glory of God ; even the tongue will refuse to speak hateful, ugly things to hurt one's feelings. Why? Because you have been led into the truth, and the Lord has given you the key that unlocked the door and turned the old man of sin out of the temple the Lord has bought. And he wants possession, for in I Cor. 6:20, he said he had bought you, and of course he, and he alone, wants to take possession. The key is not made of gold, silver or brass, but of strength ; and he gives his strength when he sees you are willing to use what you already have. That means to do what you know you ought to do ; and when you fail, cry to God as the widow cried to the unjust judge, till you are able to use the knowledge you al- ready have. This is the way to get in possession of the key, and there is no other way. He says in John 3 127, "A man can re- ceive nothing except it be given him ;" and the Lord will not give this key of strength, which means the blessing of sanctification, until the Spirit leads you into the truth. And he cannot lead you unless you know that you have got him. This key locks the temple and keeps the old man out. If you lose the key through disobedience, the old man will come back and rule as he did be- fore. - I will show what the old man is made of, and if he is in this temple of yours, this is the way you will do: You will have a feeling which will cause you to say, I do not like this or that one. Now if you get the Spirit he will show you how to live, in word and deed. I Pet. 2:1, 2: "Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil-speakings, as new-born babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby." Now, this key is only the blessing of power and knowledge to live a sanctified life through the leading of the Spirit, and to set aside the things spoken of in the first verse : OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 28l envy and malice and evil-speakings and anger. That is what the word sanctification means. Is it not so simple a child can understand? These things God tells us- to lay aside blind and hin- der us ; that is why it is so hard to be a Christian. But when we turn these 'feelings from the temple, then we know what growth means. We begin to get stronger, and become better, because we are able not to take up the things God has told us to lay aside. Many who get this strength begin to glory over it, and say they are sanctified. Many fail to explain that sanctification means just putting aside an ugly temper and a spirit that causes us to say hateful words. When anyone asks me if I am sanctified I tell them yes; that I have stopped getting mad and raising the devil, and that is >aiictification setting aside the carnal nature, selfishness and pride. God plainly tells us that carnality is enmity against him. Is there not danger in living in enmity against God? Instead of hav- ing feeling toward anyone who has done us a wrong, or one who isn't just right, we should have a pity a sympathy for them, which is tenderness; and what is that but love? Nowhere in God's word are we told we can feed on the milk of the word unless we lay aside these things ; neither can you find anywhere that one is con- verted till he repents. The second verse says you are nothing but a babe, and if you are nothing but a babe you should not feel very great. You may desire the sincere milk of the word. The first desire the Spirit gives you is to lay aside. The second desire is to feed on the word. If you have two desires together it is a natural desire, for if it were a spiritual one you would already have been feeding on the word; and if you have, it has done yon no good, or you would have laid aside all these things spoken of in the first verse. When we have gotten where we can grow by feeding on the milk, notice the second verse and the last line "that we may grow thereby." So many who are sanctified begin to re- joice because they have laid aside pride or anger or selfishness, some of the carnal things spoken of in the first verse. They are feeding the desire on praises and rejoicing and glorying, in the place of feeding the desire with the word of God, and then in I Cor. 3:1, saying: "I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual." They had failed to get the Spirit. They were converted, but were not spiritual, and could not be till they received the Spirit. So many try to lay aside these things in their own strength and to read the word of God in this way. They do not profit by it. They fail to grow because they haven't the Spirit, for he tells them they have not been able, and are not now able. He says, after he had fed them with milk in the second verse, that they didn't get strong by it. Reading the bible and praying and talking after being con- verted, without the Spirit, does us but little good. Can you not 282 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD see how much we must depend on the work of the Holy Spirit, and what he is to us here on earth? We are to depend on him to reveal the scripture to us, for "he searcheth all things." It is he that search- eth the heart and knows the mind better than we know ourselves, and he knows just what passage of scripture to bring to our minds, be- cause he knows our condition whether it is a passage to rebuke or one to encourage us, or some of the word that he wants us to repeat to others, for he knows the other heart, too ; thus he gives us just the words that will touch that one's heart out of the word of ;God. Our part is to study the word, and get thoroughly ac- quainted with it. The scripture the Spirit would bring to us to-day might not do for to-morrow at all. What we want to do is to study the word, and by that we eat it, as Isaiah ate the roe. Well, Paul said they could not bear strong food. They hadn't walked by the light they ought, and hadn't profited by the milk. They seemed to be standing still, as it were. In the third verse of this chapter he says "For ye are yet carnal" (you can see he expected them to give up their carnality) : "for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions." You see they had different feelings. They had not the Spirit, for where we all have the Spirit we all feel alike. Those differences won't exist, for he says in the last line, "are you not carnal, and walk as men?" Just where the devil tried to get me to stop. But when I laid aside these things and trusted the Spirit /to help me, and then trusted the Spirit as much afterwafd that I might feed aright on the word, I went right on and could feel myself growing. But the devil did not let me alone. He wanted me to take these things up and continue. Oh, how he did tempt me ! I will tell you about it when I am through with this subject. It is the most dangerous place in our Chris- tian life, when we lay aside all these things and begin to grow. Then is when we need the Spirit, or the devil will hinder our growth, and we will go back, as God tells us in Hebrews 5:12: "For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have needed that orie teach you again." Why had they gotten into such a condition that all of this time had been wasted? They had time enough to be teachers, and yet they needed some one to teach them,. They had not gone ahead and grown after they had laid aside these things, as babes. They had failed to see to the growing part, and that is where most of our sanctified people are to-day. They think they have nothing to cfo but rejoice and praise God in the step they have taken in laying aside these things. They had failed to learn how to possess his vessel, spoken of in I Thess. 4 14, 5. When we are thoroughly sanctified it will not take us long to know how to steer our own lives spoken of in the fourth verse. How are we to learn ? As we grow ; and we grow/ according as we receive the OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 283 word and profit by it. In Heb. 5:14 we see that "strong meat be- longeth to them that are of full age." Then they had grown, and it was by obeying the word of God, doing what he tells them. He goes on and explains what sanctification is, or what it means to be sancti- fied. In the same verse, "those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil." Now what does that mean ? Merely that it takes experience, which mean testing and temptations, and sufferings, and trials, and persecution. That is why the Lord said strong meat belongs to those who were of age. The time comes when we can be of age in a spiritual as well as in a nat- ural sense, and yet one who is not of age thinks he knows as much as one who is, and that he can teach, when God tells him he has had time enough to have been a teacher but he needs someone to teach him. Why? Because he has failed to let the Spirit lead him into a sanctified experience. Now to go back to I Thess. 4 13, 4 : "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to pos- sess his vessel in sanctification and honor." How are we to know how to possess our own vessel? When we learn, then we will know. You see there is more to learn after we begin to grow than there was from the time of our conversion to the time we lay aside these things. We have to know how to grow. And we learn these things by experience, with the study of God's word and the help of the Holy Spirit to guide us into the word of truth. The every-day experience of living according to the bible in every word and deed will help us to grow so strong in the knowledge of God, and in faith, and love, and kindness, that we can possess our own vessel in sanctification. We are not complete in the experience of sanctification till we can do this. That is why I say those who lay everything on the altar are not sanctified the moment they do this. I know the altar sanctifies the gift, but we are not to limit the time in which this work is done; for we must be tested, and learn and know after we lay everything on the altar that the work is not done. Did not Abraham lay the idol of his heart on the altar, and was it all done then? No, after he had made up his mind, and already in his heart said, "I will," he had to live three days and three nights before he began to build. There is something to do beside going forward, and kneeling, and getting up and saying you are sanctified. You are in your experience ex- actly as Abraham was as a Christian, when he was still called Abram at 90 years of age. (Gen. 7:1.) He was a Christian long before, and toy living a life of faith had become so strong in his Christian life that God came and said: ."Now, Abraham, you have been a Christian long enough. I want you to begin to walk." What does walk mean but to grow? The same thing Peter said, in 284 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I Pet. 2:2. When God told Abram to walk what did he do? He fell on his face; and then God began to talk to him just as the Spirit will talk to us. (Gen. 17:3.) When Abraham was strong enough, and had become spiritual, God told him to be perfect. When God knew he was strong enough to bear it, he came to him again. It must have been in the night. (Gen. 22:3.) For Abram arose up early in ithe morning. How could he sleep after God told him what he did? Abraham loved his son, God said he did. If he had not lain aside everything, and completely consecrated himself, when God told him what to do, how could he have borne it? Getting this wonderful work of sanctification completed in us is not all done by an act of the will, in a day or a month. Neither can you keep it by testimony alone ; neither can you get it by faith alone, nor keep it by faith alone. Many say if you do not testify to it you will lose it. Oh, what a mistake ! There are works, and you must have an experience before this strong meat belongs to you. God tells you iso in Hebrews and in Thessalonians. When you are sanctified you will know how. You grow, and learn, and have experience, and then you get where you have the honor of bearing the name. That is when you are of age. He does not say it is given you to testify to it, and he says it was his will for you to have it. For what? To know how to talk? Oh, no; unless. you have the gift to teach this blessing. But it was given that you might know how to possess the vessel ; that is, to control your own life in acts of suffering and obedience. For he taught us to talk as babes on the milk, -when he told us what we must not say, and what we must do to grow so that we could bear strong meat. Strong meat belongs to those who are grown, and it takes time to grow. We have got to make this consecration spoken of in I Peter 2, and then grow before we can become sanctified as in Hebrews, before this strong meat belongs to us. People take con- secration for sanctification, and look for nothing more. Then they become as Paul says in Heb. 5:12: "Ye have need that one teach you again." He says, "again," which shows they had already been taught, but it must be done .again. They had time and experi- ence enough to be teachers. The Lord tells them in the I4th verse they wanted this strong meat, or were claiming it, when they had to be taught again. They were told they must go on and learn something by experience, before they could have the strong meat. It takes some longer than others, because they are slower to learn by experience; through this delay they are slow in grow- ing strong so they can bear everything. The Lord tells us he will not let temptations come faster than we can bear them. So it was in Abraham's Christian life. That morning Abraham rose up early. In imagination I can hear him say: "Now, Abraham, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 285 you know I told you I wanted you to walk and be perfect a long time ago; and you have consecrated and you walk. Now I want you to prove to me your obedience through suffering. I want you to learn obedience, and when you have learned that by experience, then you will know how to possess your own vessel. Abraham, you must learn." Jesus the Son learned obedience through suffering. And still when Abraham laid obedience on the altar he was not sanctified, because none are strong till they suffer. How did Abraham lay obedience on the altar? By proving himself obedient. Abraham must suffer and obey God. He must suffer as Joseph, and learn by experience. Gen. 37 127 : "So God wanted this faithful man, Abraham, to learn." Gen. 22 :g : "And Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood an order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood." If we saw one of our chil- dren going from us, as Abraham thought his son was going, we would not bear the suffering. Do you think we would lay the wood in order? I think our nerves would be in such condition from the suffering through the three-days' journey that we would say: "I am too nervous. I cannot stand it." We would have told God we had not eaten or slept; and with our heads tied up we would have said we could not; that we would be willing to let him go, but God must let one of the servants kill him. But it was not so with faithful Abraham. He had been walking as God told him several years before; for Abraham's son was not born when he told him to walk perfect before him. A perfect consecration will afford a perfect walk. And now when God wanted him to learn by experience the child could talk, so you see he had walked a long time in this consecration before he was strong enough to lay everything on the altar. He was strong enough, and the Lord took care of his nerves. We did not hear him say, as some wtould to-day : "I do not believe God calls on anyone to suffer if there is a way out by law, or doctors, or any way, that suffering might not come." They will manage some way to find an escape, but God /tells us (to bear it, and he will make the way of escape, and will not let "it come if we are unable to bear it. We get the way of escape first, and the escape comes afterward. God does not put us to such tests as he did Abraham, because we will not walk and get strong, and he cannot "let his power be manifested in us as he did in Abraham. We wfll not obey God so that we can bring such suffering upon ourselves, and a free will to act as Abraham had. Abraham did not say: "God, I will not." He was too strong to .do anything but listen to wihat God said. That is just what we should do, and must do, regardless of what man thinks. We must study God's word, which is God speaking as 286 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD much as he spoke to Abraham. And we must obey. It is strange the way the children of God look upon sanctification to-day, after Abraham laid Isaac on the altar all he had. The altar sancti- fied the gift. But the last thing we lay on the altar is our obedi- ence to God, and we learn that through suffering. We have to put things on the altar through suffering. A person who is sancti- fied has this experience and is strengthened. After he has suffered awhile, as spoken of in I Peter 5:10, he is established and made perfect. Why? Because he has suffered; for God says after they have suffered a while they cease from sin. They that have suffered in the flesh have ceased from sin. It says a while, and that while means sometimes years. How well I know by experience this work of sanctification is not all done in twenty-four hours. Abraham finished the work of sanctification when he raised the knife to slay his own son. (Gen. 22:10.) Did not this take a while? God would not say he knew Abraham was sanctified ; not to mention our saying it. Neither did he say he knew till he was in the act of taking his own son's life. In the I2th verse he said : "Now I know." It took a while for God to know, yet we are preaching that we know in ten minutes. God said : "Now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me." God was much pleased with Abraham's obedience. God under- stood the completeness of his obedience to give his only son. God was not satisfied in having Abraham's will, but he wanted to prove it. He said : "Seeing thou hast not withheld thy son." God says let others see. He wants to see us act. How can we blame the people for wanting to see our works? God never said: "Let the people hear your good talk." But he did say: "Let others see your good works, that they may be led to glorify the Father which is (in (heaven." Did not this show perfect love to God? Is not this perfecting holiness in the fear of God? (II Cor. 7:1.) God said : "Now, Abraham, I know you fear me." After many years he got where he could go on to perfection and be holy. Why? Because he had learned perfect obedience. In Hebrews it is said the Son of God learned obedience through suffering. I do not wonder now that God would not let me talk or tea"ch sanctification. It had been a mystery to me for years why the Holy Spirit would not let me. And now how plain it all is. It took time and suffering for me to become a partaker of the fruit of sanctification through suffering. Every Christian sdffers from the time he begins to serve God, but not the suffering that is acceptable to God. He will not reward us unless we suffer with perfect patience not murmuring, or complaining, or fretting. We can weep, and be sad; that is not the spirit of complaining. Young Christians starting out will be rewarded in this way. They will suffer till they learn to be OR, SEEDING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 287 patient; and they will know when they have suffered enough. God says, in James 1 14 : "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." The Lord tells us we must suffer. Heb. 12:11: "Now no chastening for the present seerneth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." We have to be chastened to get the fruit of righteousness. We must bear with patience all that comes into our lives, whether at home, in secret, or in our daily business. Oh, the reward when we have suffered until we have learned how to be patient in all things! I do not believe Abraham told his wife any- thing about it. I imagine if he had there would have been trouble because he was going to do it. It would seem queer to half the women of to-day; and you know Sarah had not the faith of Abra- ham, for she laughed when Abraham told her God was going to give them a son. Many women have thought it an awful thing for me to kiss any class of people that came along. They have said : "1 would not kiss that woman, she is so dirty and low." But it was not half so hard as to Jay down one's life for another. Of course if you haven't love enough to lay down your life, you might not have enough to give a holy kiss. And it would have been the >ame with Abraham, if God had called upon Sarah. If she had not had a holy husband she would have been like many women of to-day. There would have been trouble if he had told her, and if he had not some of the neighbors, or some of the church-members would have thought it their duty to meddle, whether they knew anything about it or not. CHAPTER XX. WE cannot deny the fact that blind neighbors, church members and husbands are all alike. If Abraham did tell his wife, he had someone to pray for him. Even though he went alone what a comfort it must have been to him to have one at home praying. God says of Sarah, in I Peter 3:6, that she obeyed Abraham. Who would not, that had a husband who walked holy before God? No wonder she called him Lord'! But we are to know a holy woman by her dress. I Peter 3:5: "For after this manner in the olden times the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves." Not with the "outward adorning of plaiting the hair, or the wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel." (3d verse.) But as in the 4th verse: "Let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." Thus the women of olden times distinguished them- 288 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL JVILD selves from those who did not keep God's commandments. God says they that have not the spirit of God are none of his. The women that are of the world, of course, go headlong, with nothing to stand between them and fashion. Their minds are not occupied as women who love God, as did Abraham's wife. They were both ready, from experience through suffering, to live holy and obedient lives to God. He had proved himself to God, and God had said: "I see you fear me." Then he poured out the blessings on Abra- ham; because he knew, after all faithful Abraham had suffered, it would not spoil him if he gave bountifully of the things of this life. What God said had more power in it than cannon-balls to-day. Sometimes they do not hit where they are aimed; but God's word is isure not to miss, and you will ,feel it in some way, whether you receive it or not. God will bless those that fear him. Isaiah 66:2: "For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things hath been, saith the Lord : but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word." Abraham did. He hearkened to what God said, regardless of his feelings. As Laban and Abraham learned by experience, so must we. It takes iexperience to perfect a trade; then we are ready to be numbered with the tradesmen. May we hasten to learn by experience, that we may be ready for perfecting, and be num- bered with the saints. God's word tells us the saints are the ones who are sanctified. They are the ones w ! ho are ready for the per- fecting of the saints spoken of in Eph. 4:12. And Jin the I5th verse : "But speaking the truth in love." Do you see the work that must be done in laying aside all carnal things, that we may get sthis love? This same verse tells you that you grow up into him in all things. That is what Paul meant when he said: "I press forward to the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus." He was growing up into Christ. It takes time to> grow (i3th verse), "Till we all come." Before we come we will have something to do. If you were in Europe and said to me, "I will wait till you come," and I said, "I will come," then I would have something to do to come. And you will have something to /d to measure up to the stature of Christ, and the fullness, that we "be no more children" (4th verse), but men, and perfect men, as God tells us in the 1 3th verse. If we are careful to hearken to God's word, and obey, and do his will in every little thing, and do not let the devil hinder us, then we will soon get into the condition where we can lay everything on the altar. Then we will be where we can do something. God tells us in II Cor. 10:6: "And having in a readi- ness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled." It means something to fully live the meaning of sanctification. It means to obey God's word from Genesis to Revelation, then we OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 289 arc ready to be perfected. This is the only way, if you desire this kind of life. You must live for it, and you will be made clean through the truth. Jesus said, John 17:12: "While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name." In the I4th verse he says: "I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them." You see he is about to leave them, and they have enough of God's word, and are now living enough of the truth that they are hated; and now to stand they must be sanctified. He said he had already given the word to them, and they had three years of experience. He had taught them, and they had obeyed, and had lost no time as we do, but had been with the Savior all the time, learning. Now the i;th verse: "Sanctify them through the truth: thy word is truth." It is by receiving the truth, by studying the bible, and doing what it says, you are sanctified. You exercise faith, but faith without works does not make you clean. Sanctifica- tion is living God's word. Not saying I am holy, sanctified, for that is a mistake; but live it. Look at it as Job did. Job 9:20: "If I justify myself, my own mouth shall condemn me: if I say, I am perfect, it shall also prove me perverse." 21 st verse: "Though I were perfect, yet wtould I not know my soul." Because we can- not see as God sees. He can see things in us that we would not dream were there. We may go for years, and then through some experience find these imperfections in ourselves. And all these years we have been saying: "Holy; a clean heart; perfect." I John 1:8: "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." I have heard people say they were holy. Holy means no sin. It is not on record that Paul gave any such testimony; his was more like John's. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, the blood cleanseth us from all sin. Some- times through ignorance we do not walk in the light. We may be saying holy at the time of our ignorance, then some experience will come into our lives and show us we are ignorant; and then. we will know we were not holy as we thought. Let God call us holy, and let him ,say to us as he did to Abraham : "Now I know you fear me." We can't be too careful in living this perfect life, nor in saying we have no sin. When we say this we pass judgment upon ourselves ; and the Lord says judge nothing till the time comes. The disciples did not receive the Holy Ghost at the time the Lord said "Father, sanctify them through the truth." It took some time to prepare the temple for the Holy Ghost to dwell therein. It was ten days after the Savior ascended that the Holy Ghost took up his abode in the temple. They had no need to tell .it; the sinners knew as well as they, for they turned the city up- side down. They preached Jesus Christ only, and him crucified; not themselves, nor what they had. Christ was held up before the 2QO THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD people. And when the Holy Ghost showed them that the people were ready for the baptism of the Holy Ghost, they preached it, or told the people about it, and asked them if they had it; but they made no claim of sanctification. Perhaps some did not know the meaning of the word. People would know if those who have it would live it. The difference would be apparent, and many would be led into the truth. We are to confess Christ in the testimony of the blood. If .we fail to confess him we are lost. It does not say to confess holiness, but it does say we are to live it; and if our lives are not holy we have no promise of seeing God, for none but the pure in heart shall see God. What is more of a con- fession than to live such a life? God says not to love in word, but in deed and truth. What is holiness? It is to love God with all our heart, and your neighbor as yourself; not to say that you love your neighbor, but to love him. It will show for itself. God says love worketh no ill to his neighbor. If we have this love we will show mercy, and live a life not learned in a day. We must bear with one another till we have strength to live such a life. I have learned from the least to the greatest thing much mercy and patience are needed. God will give pure, holy love to us. so we can love everyone as our own children, and show them the same kindness and mercy, even with all their faults. I do not mean that we are to take them ! in, and feed and clothe them as we do our own, but be as patient, and say no more about their faults than we would of our own. We can help them more in that way than to feed and clothe them. It is not what wrong they have done themselves. It is what they have done to others and myself. It is the way they have wronged me in my work. No one can look me in the face and say truthfully I ever spoke evil of him. True, I have spoken of many who have wronged me, but Paul did that when he spoke of the goldsmith, and the false brethren he had suffered from; but he did not speak evil of the wrongs they had committed other ways. He did not speak of them except as concerning the wrong they had done him. It can only be said that I have given kind words and deeds in return. I challenge one to face me at the bar of God and say I have worked ill to my neigh- bor. ,1 have made mistakes, but they have been against myself, and not against my brother or sister. It is not wrong to say this, for Paul said, "we have wronged no man," and it is our privilege to say the same when we know it is true. We are not to change our testimony as children of God. The word says we are to let our deeds speak. I do not have to tell anyone that my little girl is growing as large as I. Before I realize it everyone is saying: "How your daughter has grown," We can be convinced by seeing OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 2QI more than by words. We are not to let the right hand know what the left hand doeth. The Lord told the one he healed to go and tell no man, not even -the priest ; but show him and let him see you are not sick. If you are living a life of sanctification everyone will know it, and you will be saved a multitude of words in expla- nation. We will be like a city, set upon a hill, that cannot be hid; lor a light in a candle-stick. We must let the people see that our Christian lives are not simply words, or gift Of speech, or loud prayer^, hut w>rk-. Tim- .} 15 : "Not by works of righteous- hich we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost." (iotakes we have made. Except for his mercy we would be And if we do not see that it is by his mercy, and not by what we have done, we are. indeed, unprofitable servants. We can learn all through our lives, and at the end we can only say as Paul said as he looked back on hi^ Christian race: "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." He could say no more than the one with one talent. I have kept the faith. I have struggled, and fought, and endured. One with one talent can do this, though the world may not recognize he has even that. In I John 3:18. he tell> the little children to see. They are grown men and women, but children in the faith. "Let us not love in word, neither in tongue." He does not want us to talk about it. I am so glad I did not testify or teach sanctification till the Holy Spirit led me. I did not try to consecrate myself, but let the Spirit do the consecrating. When that work is done do not think it is sanctification. Do not fail to see that you have suffered patiently in your consecration. God tests consecration as well as obedience. Do not think that you give your will in consecration. You give your will through obedience, in the keenest suffering; and you will say as Jesus said: "Father, not my will but thine." When he said, "Father, sanctify them," the Lord intended to grant tlie request, but he did not do* it at that hour. If he had, they would not have been contending as they did afterwards. Let us put ourselves in the place of the dis- ciples, after the Lord was crucified and laid in the tomb. They were left in the hands of the scribes and Pharisees, who were bitter against their Master. Not having the Holy Ghost to comfort them (they had only the promise), they were afraid, and hid away in a room by themselves. But they did not give up their faith. And then when he left them were they not lost in grief? 2p2 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD An angel had to coirje and tell them to go. As I write I can seem to put myself in their place, till my own heart is almost broken ; and while the tears are running down my face, and blinding my eyes till I stop and brush them away, by faith I hear them say in their agony: "We will stick to the faith." In their suffering their will is placed on the altar through obedience. They obey the Lord by tarrying till the Holy Ghost should come, and the work of sanctification be completed. When the last thing was on the altar the temple was made clean ; and then the Holy Ghost came in upon them. We can have the blessing of his presence which makes our hearts burn within us, as the disciples had when they met the Savior on the way to Emmaus, and not have the baptism of the Holy Ghost; for he does not come in till the temple is made clean. But his presence will make our hearts burn, and our faith will give us the victory; but when he comes to stay, and the Holy Ghost takes up his abode in these temples of ours, then we will do the work they did. We may be doing some of the work, as did they, before being rilled with the Holy Ghost; but not won- derful work. I have heard leading ministers say they had a little of the Spirit. Never does he come like that. He will not be broken up in pieces, and give himself little by little. Oh, God; open the eyes of our understanding, and let us see the great mystery of god- liness. We can have a little faith, and a little love, and hope, and good works; but the Holy Ghost is one of the three of the Trinity, and he comes after the temple is made clean through truth, and Jesus Christ, and his blood. The Holy Ghost is the first and the last. He comes and convicts us of sin. He takes the things of Christ and reveals them to us; and then in righteousness he leads us, if we have asked the Father for him, and then convicts us of judgment. The last work he does is when we are ready for him, and then he comes and takes up his abode in our hearts. The Lord tells us he sis given to them that obey him ; and when we have learned obedience, as did the Son of God, we will not only have him to guide and lead us, but he will abide with us. When I asked the Father for the Holy Spirit he gave him to me to lead tme as I had asked. And I have seen him. You may think I am saying too much, but I know I have, as well as I know I was converted. I saw him after I had made the conse- cration. He was as beautiful and bright as the rainbow. He was not in me, but by me, a few feet distant, and about a yard from the floor. His presence I felt as plainly as the disciples felt the burning in their hearts when the Savior stood by them. He seemed to be resting on the wings 'of the air. What power, and strength, and thoughts, came to me! This is why I cannot believe we can get a little of him. When I saw him, these were the thoughts OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 293 that came to me: "This is he that came to help and comfort." Then I knew he was the Holy Ghost. He did not come into me, nor come on me, as on the disciples in the supper room ; but he did help me as he stood there on the wings of the air. I still think I have not been baptized with the Holy Ghost, or with fire. I cannot help thinking that when I am baptized with the fire of the Holy Ghost, and he takes up his abode in this temple of mine. I will know it as plainly as I knew he led and helped me. I do not think the time is far distant when, by the grace of God, if I am faithful to the covenant I made with the Lord and pay the vows I have made, I will preach the gospel. When my child is old enough to get along without her mother's care, I will finish the work he called me to do. This I call tarrying at Jerusalem, as the disciples did. But when I finish this book I do not intend to tarry another day. I shall drop the muzzle that has held me for twenty- one years, and look for the Great Comforter. The Holy Ghost will only lead me so far as I have experience to go. I have never but once tried to lead myself, and then I knew it well. I will soon come to th^t part of my experience which will explain it fully. A brother in Christ called on me one day, and I told him I was going to write against sanctification in my book. He said : "Sister Peterson, I thought you were sanctified." I told him I was. He said : "If you do this, God will not bless you." I said : "My brother, I know he will, if I take the right kind. I do not denounce bible sancti- fication, but I do denounce the way it is being preached, taught, and lived by most of the believers ; and God would punish me if I did not denounce this kind, for I told him I would the even- ing this passage of scripture came to me 'Do you hear the sound in the top of the mulberry trees?' " I said I would never encourage the doctrine, for it was not sound doctrine. Did they not get up and acknowledge they were not sanctified after Carradine was here? I said: "I tell you, my dear brother, you are not sanctified. You cannot tell me that you are even walking in the light of consecra- tion. I would say the same to my own mother. There was a time when I was afraid to say what the Spirit led me to say; but I am not now. Do you know, my brother, every time you testify you say in a loud voice : 'Saved and sanctified ; glory to God ;' and at the same time you were talking about me, and repeating things you heard from others, and I knew from the bible this is not sanctified fruit, but carnal fru.it ; and I know that carnal words do not come out of sanctified mouths." He was not the only one who was going from house to house, speaking and repeating things that God tells us are not. good. Eph. 5:12: "For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret." Yet many professing sanctification repeat things that are not edifying to 2Q4 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD the listeners, and words that are not seasoned with grace, as God says every word should be. May God have mercy, and help them to see where they are. It is bad enough to be there and know it; but what an awful thing to be there and not know it! Heb. 5:12: "For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of Go-d ; and are become such as have need of milk." What brought them to this condition? Just what I rebuked the brother for, else why did God say they have need of milk, and not strong meat? While leading meetings out- at Fort Logan there were some who testified to sanctification, and stated in the meetings they wanted everyone who was sanctified, or believed in it, to hold up their hands, and almost all were strangers to salvation, to say nothing of sanctification. I said : "This is not in order, and I would rather that word would not be mentioned till they are saved." I was pray- ing that our faith might be of one accord. And word went to Den- ver that I was fighting sanctification, yet I said in my very next words that I believed in this blessing, and was walking in the light of it, but it must be taught to the saved, and not to sinners. It reached the mission, and was talked of there by the sanctified. The news was brought to me by one who made loud profession of this bless- ing. Was it a Christian principle for those at the Fort to tell it, even if it were true? Why did they not come to me and say what they had to say, and then go on about their business? Was it right for the sanctified one to repeat what they said, and he a leader, teaching holiness? Was it right for him to tell me? Did he not need one to teach him the first principles of the true doctrine? Many sanctified men and women would not even look toward me, to say nothing of speaking to me, when I was going through my trial ; and after the trial they gave me a wide berth for months in meetings and when I met them on the street. One afternoon after the jail services I went into the Salvation Army meeting on Six- teenth street, where the Haymarket Mission used to be when I worked there. Everyone who has been there knows how wide the steps are. As I started up the steps out came a brother and his wife. He was a sanctified teacher and leader; but as they saw me coming they started off at an angle down the steps, to avoid coming face to face with me. I looked at them, but they were watching their feet so they would not fall, and did not see me, or did not want to isee me. I lifted my heart to God and said, "God help them," and went on. Now what kind of fruit would you call that? This is so true; it is my own, personal experience, not what I ihave heard, or read. And these .same people get up and say a tree is known by its fruits ! What are fruits? Not words, nor works. The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, long- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 2Q5 suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. The.se are the nine fruits spoken of in Gal. 5 :22. Did he show me any of the fruits as he went down the steps that afternoon? I looked, but I could not see them. This same one seldom testifies that he does not say : "Thank God, a 'tree is known by its fruits." Was he so blind he could not see the fruit on his own tree? We must have a single eye, so we can see at home, but not so far away. I have been in homes where both husband and wife were sanctified, yet they would contend with one another. How could their chil- dren have one bit of confidence in their religion? You may not see at once that the life you live before your children has much effect either way; but let your words and lives, whether they are sanctified or not, be such that your children will say: "My father and mother were true Christians ; they proved themsleves." Religion will then have some effect upon them; and whether you are dead or alive, the work of your life will not be in vain, and some time the Spirit will convict them; and they will be saved. Do not be a tyrant in your home. Do not be cross and ugly, as some of the sanctified are. This is the kind of sanctification I shall hope to stop with the influence of my book, and in the meetings where I go. And God will bless me, and the bible sanctification, for it is sound doctrine. I exhort you to seek with all your hearts, and do with all your might, or your lives as Christians will be fail- ures, and there will be no reward for your Christian work. We ought not to run any risks, when it comes to our souls. It is better to be careless about anything else. God has warned us in Heb. 4:1: "Let us therefore fear, lest a promise being left us of entering upon his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it." Would it not be dreadful, if after all we should come short, and hear the Lord say, "Depart," at last, when we have been saying for years that we loved the Lord? Oh, let us take care that we do not come short. "Oh, house of David; Is it a small thing for you to weary men, but will you weary my God also?" (Is. 7 113.) The brother I have referred to who owed me the $14 went down town to board, and two or three others had gone, and you can't know how glad I was to have my burdens lightened. While they were holding the summer camp meeting at Fort Collins, they tried their best to get me to go, but having so much to do at home, I decided not to go. This sister with whom the brother I had lent the money to was staying, wanted to go, but her means were limited, as her husband was out in the country at work. She was up at the house, and asked me about the brother. I did not like to tell her how careless he was in keeping straight with the world, that it was his besetting sin that caused him to get in this condition, but I did not want her to blame me for not telling 2p6 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD her.; so not for over a year. Brother P thought if we got him into the Sunday-school it would help him, and Sister Worthiam wanted me to try him. though she know.s I wanted him to go as soon as I got the $14 and then this woman, Sister H ." I had told Brother S all this as we were leaving Brother P 's that after- noon, not knowing what was coming; and what did he do but sit -in judgment against me with a jury of twelve, I think. They had a judge, and this man sat in judgment with the rest, to put me out, after I had told him all. Sister Worthiam knows she was the cause of that brother staying at the house as long as he did. Brother P knows he came and wanted me to help get him started again ; and my niece knows I talked to Brother S this way the afternoon I was over to Brother P 's, for I came home and told her, word for word, before I knew anything about the trouble. This woman knows it was her own fault that I went to her house to help her with the man ; and my niece and Sister Worthiam will tell you the same; for they were at my house at the time. But the church would not listen to them. More than one thought Sister Worthiam was not right in her mind, and they would not depend on her testimony. Another who was for me was not allowed a voice because he was hard of hearing, and they wanted people who could hear so they would not fail in their undertaking. When they said they had followed me and seen me go to his room, and when they asked me if I had, I told them "yes;" for they asked me the question before I knew their intention. I did not think anything about it, and I said : "Yes ; I have a good many times." I did not tell them why I went, for they did not ask me ; and I knew this brother, or anyone I was helping, would not want me going about telling what I was doing for them, if they had any kind of pride, for you know it is an embarrassing thing. I knew if T should get where I had to be helped I would not like to have it in everybody's mouth. I did not tell anyone how Brother P came and wanted me to help him. How could I do what I did without going to his room? His clothes had to be looked after, for I had not done anything for him for over three months. How 3OO THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD they tried to make harm of the letters I had written to him! An attempt was .made to imitate my handwriting, and put words to the letter that would make the devil, himself, blush to read; things that I never uttered even when a wicked sinner, and which God knows never came into my mind since nor before I was a Christian. He had promised me in his letter to do better if .1 would help him once more. I said to my niece the hour we came in from the mountains that I would not go home till I saw if he was keeping his word. So my niece and I went from the depot to his room, and found he had not kept his promise. That is why I did not want to do anything for him When Brother P asked me to help him. I knew if he heard I was in the city .he would try to brace up, for he knew I was determined to do nothing more if he did not do as he had promised. My niece washed her hands and face, and we got warm, and then she helped me tto the corner of Seventeenth and Larimer streets w,ith the baggage. It was early in the evening, and she wanted to call on a friend of hers before coming home. Right then I made up my mind never to do another thing for him. But when Brother P asked me to try again I did. This effort meant a few dollars to me, but he had paid me ,all but the $14, so I managed to get it by letting him come to the house. Even his employer saw what an interest I took in him, and bore with him, thinking my influence would help him t a horse and buggy and went to different ones to write down their testimony. Sister H said they put down on paper what e said, and she told me she said things she would not have said if she had not been angry. If she had told them in the right way it would have been all right. In less than three months after the trial she told me the Lord woke her up at i o'clock in the night and told her to come to me and tell me to get ready to preach the gospel ; so, you see, I could not have been such a dreadful sinner, or the Lord would not have told her that so soon after all this trouble. She knew I could not receive what -lu said if she did not ask my forgiveness, for she knew too well that she had wronged me. and that harm was made out of things there was no harm in. She came and asked me to forgive her within 310 . THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD ten months. She always insisted she never said once I was not a Christian, and that is the reason I could not help believing the rest of my enemies put more to her words than she said; for if she said all they said she did, she could not possibly think me a child of God. I did not see her again till ten months after the trial, when she came to my house. It was late in the afternoon, after my little girl had come home from school. She came in and made some unsatisfactory excuse for coming. I told her it was getting late and I must get supper; but that there was some- thing ,wrong. I could feel the influence of the devil, and I was not at all pleased with her coming. Then she said : "Sister Peterson, we have not time to talk this over now. Would you mind coming down tomorrow afternoon ?" I said : "No, Sister H ; if you want me to come I will." Two days later Sister Shrader came up. I was dressing to go down and see Sister H , so Sister Shrader and 1 went and spent the afternoon. But I was afraid she would say i had come to her when I had nothing to come for, so when I went in I said enough so she could not pretend before Sister Shrader that I had come without being asked. I heard afterward that she told Sister P I had come to her. I would not have believed it, only I know Brother B told her to come to me before the trial. She came, but did not say anything about what she had come for, and I thought if I could help it I would not have any such misunderstandings again. Sister H asked us to stay to . supper, and then we all went to the street meeting together, for Brother Jones and I had already fixed up a little street meeting wagon and were holding meetings, as we did all the next summer. I knew the right spirit was not present, and I could see she did not want to say anything before Sister S ; so she asked Sister S if she would please get some meat for supper. Sister S put on her hat, and before she reached the street Sister H came to me, threw herself into my arms, laid her head upon my shoulder, and asked me to forgive her. So many have blamed me for having anything to do with her after I had forgiven her. How could I do otherwise, when she came to me so honestly? Could anyone be a child of God and not do as I did? She came to me in the right way, and asked everything that as a Christian she should. "Sister Peterson, can you forgive me?" she said. I put my arm around her, for she was crying as though her heart would break. And immediately it seemed as though God himself came down, and with his al- mighty finger opened the door of my heart and let a river of love for that woman fill my heart. She said: "Will you forgive me, and be to me as you were before the trouble? Be as though noth- OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH <3II ing had ever happened. Forgive and forget." And I kissed the tears from her face. It was easy for me to grant every request, for the river of love was running, and taking all the driftwood before its great, swelling tide, while I held her in my arms. I never had a greater love for my own child than I had for her, and by the grace of God I have kept my promise; but I have had the opportunity to prove it to her, in deed and in truth. I have been friend, sister, and mother. She has repeatedly told me she could not go to her own mother as she came -to me. I have been a mother to her in sickness and in trouble. I have stood between her and the cold world, and between her and my husband. He has said to me: "She surely has some hold on you, or you would not be bothered with her as you are." It was the same thing, over and over. If it was a woman I bore with, there was something wrong ; if a man, I was in love with him. It came to be a common thing, among some of the members at the Haymarket after this trouble, to say I was a free-lover. My friends stood up for me till they found out I had taken into my house those who had been my worst enemies. Some of the church members told me the people were talking about me more than ever. They would not have said anything if I had forgiven my enemies and had nothing more to do with them. One sister came and told me if I did not stop going out with that woman, that there would not be one who would have any confidence in me, and I would be without a friend in Denver. I told her to say for me that I was going out, just as I had, and they could do as they pleased; that as long as I was obeying God, if the whole world turned against me, it would not change me at all ; and to tell them I was pleasing God and not man. "Oh, Sister Peterson," she said, "do you know it will utterly ruin you, with what has happened?" "Then it will have to ruin," I answered. "They already say the reason you and she get along so well is that you are two of a kind," said she. "My sister," I replied, "they did not think that a few months ago, did they? Now, when she has repented and wants to do right, they are all against me because I want to do my part as a Christian. Is that the way for us to forgive our enemies?" If it is, I cannot find it in God's word. I told her nothing would influence me unless God's word backed it. This thing of forgiving a person and not being willing they shall come to our homes is nothing but the work of the devil. Ex. 23 14 : "If thou meet thine enemy's ox going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again." And "if thou see the brute of him that hateth thee lying under his burden" we must help them. If God demands us to help our enemy; if we do this for our enemy's ox, 312 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD and we were to meet the enemy himself under a burden, what are we to do but help him ? Luke 6 127 : "But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you." 35th verse: "Love ye your enemies, * * for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil." The next verse says : "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful." Would it be merciful or loving for me to do the very thing God told me not to do? God sees to putting them in the pit, and that gives us the task of taking them out. Psalms 7:15, 16: "He made a pit, and digged it, and is fallen into the ditch which he made. His mischief shall return upon his own head, and his violent dealing shall come down upon his own pate." Now, a person like that should be helped ; and one must have a hard heart to refuse. Rom. 12 120 : "Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink." "Oh, well," one might say, "I could do that, if my enemy was hungry; but he must mind his own business, for I will not have anything to do with him." But' what will you do if he comes along with a burden and wants you to help him? He requires your time, and sympathy, and advice, and labor. Did I not show kindness to my enemies, when I did not try to crush them? This enemy had asked me to for- give ; then afterwards said she did not come to the house to ask forgiveness, but did ask me to come to her house, that we might have an understanding. They warned me, saying the same harm would be done again, if I had anything to do with her. Well, if she should do me evil, how does God tell us to get the best of that evil? Rom. 12:21: "But overcome evil with good.*' If I wanted to overcome her in the right way I must be as goo<1 to her as I knew how. Do not doubt that I knew what I was doing. Some thought I did not, and called me simple, and soft; but in order to live according to Luke 6:29, I had to give my enemies another chance. They had smitten me on the one cheek, and to offer the other I had to be the same to them as I had been before. I had to help this one with the burdens that came to her, and do even more than ever before. I was more to her than half the mothers are to their daughters. I have had many say hateful things to me, because I allowed this one, who had done me isuch wrong, to come to me the same as if I were her own mother. I had wrongs done me that will leave scars of crucifixion, which I will remember even on the other side of the grave. Some said she should have made a public confession. The word of God does not say so. The word tells us to confess our faults, one to another; and this I know she did. Job's enemies did not. They came to Job and asked him to pray for them. And those who started this trouble did, and I knew unless I was OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 313 the same as before I was not right. Those who did publicly say they had been to me and asked my forgiveness, were told by some of the leading members of the church that they had better not stick their heads into the lion's mouth. And if Sister H had done the same, they would have said the same to her. So, 1 thought it best for her to say nothing about it. Think of the leading ones telling Sister T she had stuck her head into the lion's mouth! I had been called nearly everything else, but this was the first time I was ever called a lion. The Lord calls the devil a roaring lion, going about seeking whom he may devour : but I always thought I had any other disposition than a lion's. The only conclusion they could come to regarding Sister H and I was that we were two of a kind, and that was the reason we got along well, when I was doing nothing for her except what I should do for any man or woman. Anyone who knows the scriptures at all must admit if they do not do as I did they are not walking in the light. God tells us to walk in the light lest darkness overtake us. That means to do as he tells us in II Cor. 2:5-8: "But if any have caused grief, sufficient to such a man is this punishment. * * * So that contrariwise we ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. Wherefore I beseech you that ye. would confirm your love toward him." Is not this plain enough for a child to understand? We are not only to forgive our enemies who cause us grief, but to comfort them, and prove our love to thern^ just as I did to Sister H . She will tell you as she told me, that she does not know what she would have done but for my comfort. Have you not lived long enough to know you cannot buy love, or the comfort there is in having one true friend? Only God knows what would have become of her if I had not done as God said. I did not say that I loved my enemies, and then have nothing more to do with them. Oh, no ; I proved it to them, not by saying I loved them, but by doing. I did not say I had no time, or was sick, or did not have means, or make the excuse that my husband would not let me. It was not natural for me to do as .1 did for them, and you may think as the church did, that I loved therm; but the church could not think I would run away with them, for, fortunately, they were women. But who- ever I was with, they were homeless and friendless, or going through some deep trouble and needed my presence to help them. Then all that would be said was that I was like them. Well. I have not yet been caught in the commission of any sin, so they could not come out boldly and say, "This woman was caught in tin- very act." as the church said of the woman in Jesus' time. And they could not condemn my conversation. The only way they 314 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD could make anything of it was to call it free love. There always is one in a company of people, whether it be few or many, whom we can call a Judas; but these Judases did not betray me because of the want of money. But the old mother in Israel in the Tab- ernacle was jealous, and had nothing good to say. of me; and three in the Haymarket told me themselves they were envious and jealous, and that caused them to say what they did. Can you not see how far short the churches come of living up to the standard of love in Christ? They knew God blessed me, and that I was gifted to- do the work that I did. Those who were not gifted to do this work, failed to do as Paul told them in Rom. 16:1, 2: "I commend unto you Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea: that ye receive her in the Lord, as becometh saints, and that ye assist her in whatsoever business she hath need of you; for she hath been a succourer of many, and of myself also." I needed their 'help, so I would not have to walk my feet off, and go without the necessaries of life, in order -to do the work I did. It pleased the church to get my report, and the unions I belonged to, but they did not stop to think, #s St. Paul was not here to remind them, of their duty to Phebe Peterson. The sisters always said to me: "There are not many called to do the work you do," but there is hot jpne but is called to help Sister Phebe, as Paul told them to do in some way, if only with a quarter to pay car fare. And then they tell me they are not able, financially, when my attention is drawn to the style the sisters put on. They have money enough to buy feathers, and flowers, and ribbons, but my needs were not necessaries, and these flowers were. I am not finding fault, but I do pray the church will 'see its duty in helping those who are called of God; and I know God commands this, the reason I write it. I could not have worked as I have, from four in the morning till ten at night, if I had not had an iron constitution. I would have had to give up long before I did. And when I did stop my reward came through the long-tongued ones in the church saying the reason my health failed was that I had frustrated nature. They could figure out this -evil, but had not sight enough to see that I was doing three women's work; that I had a home to look after, and was a wife and mother the same as others who had no time to do anything. Of course, it would have to be some- thing bad that broke my health down. Their consciences were not alive as David's was. I Sam. 24:5, 6, 110-17, *9> "I* came to pass afterward that David's heart smote him because he had cut off Saul's skirt. And he said unto his men, The Lord forbid that I should do this thing unto my master, the Lord's anointed, to stretch forth mine hand against him, seeing he is the anointed OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 315 of the Lord." * * * "Behold, this day mine eyes have seen how that the Lord had delivered thee into mine hands in the cave; and some bade me kill thee; but mine eye spared thee; and I said, I will not put forth mine hand against my lord : for he is the Lord's anointed." * * * "I have not sinned against thee; yet thou huntest my soul to take it." * * * "The Lord judge between me and thee, and the Lord avenge me of thee: but mine hand shall not be upon thee." * * * "And he said to David, Thou art more righteous than I : for thou hast rewarded m good, whereas I have rewarded thee evil." * * * "For if a man find his enemy, will he let him go well away? wherefore the Lord reward the good, for that thou hast done unto me this day." And they dared to set in judgment against me, when God knows I could say what David said to Saul in the nth verse, that I had not sinned against one of those who hunted my soul. I did as David did. I returned them good for evil. How anyone can read this book, then read the scriptures, and then desire revenge upon his enemies, or have nothing to do with them, or speak evil of anyone whether guilty or not, I cannot see. How can such expect to get into heaven? May God for Jesus' sake let the Holy Ghost open the eyes of the people to the gospel truth written herein, that they may come to realize this one fact: . Those who use their tongues sinfully are not sanctified. The church has not the power and fire of the Holy Ghost because of these little, hateful feelings they have, one toward another; and ibecause it is little, they cannot see it is a sin. They will not hearken to God's word. It is a greater evil to have one in the church with this sin, than to have the drunkard or the Jharlot; for it is these little foxes that kill the vines. I have rebuked as many sanctified ones for this sin as I have justified ones; and they would say: "That is all right, tell me of my faults." Think of calling this dreadful sin a fault ! May the Holy Ghost show you that this is a dreadful sin, and may you stop your tongues, and close your mouths against it forever, if you have to kneel until your knees are calloused as Martin Luther's were. It is better to go into heaven with calloused knees, showing yourself a martyr by overcoming your own tongue, than to go into hell with a calloused tongue from talking about things that are none of your business. If you see anyone who is working for the Lord do anything you think is wrong, speak to him about it; but do not tell it to your best friend. If you do you sin ; God plainly tells you so. You cannot know but in some way the dear friend might let a word drop, thoughtlessly, and a great fire be kindled. When you hear one talking about another, be wise and know how and where to locate the devil. Do not let the devil 316 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD blind you till you think the one who is doing the talking is not the one who has the devil ; but remember there is more than one devil. The Lord said to Peter, when he talked too much, "Get thee behind me, Satan." You do not know, Peter, what you are talking about; and neither does anyone who talks about another. He forgets he is only sending his own soul to hell. You cannot help receiving this as the truth. It is God's word I have written, and not mine ; and if you church the one who is being talked about, and not the one who is doing the talking, you are not living the word of God. Be sure to locate the devil in the right one, if you must locate him. But that is not for you to do; but it is your duty to rebuke the one who does the talking, and when you hear of one of God's children and workers being talked about, stop it. You will find the workers are talked about more than those who do nothing, and the do-nothings are the ones who do the most talking. I often wonder how God likes that kind of Christians at all. They forget they are as filthy, dirty rags before God, and need his mercy more than the one they are finding fault with ; and they need the mercy of the church "as much as the poorest Christian that ever professed religion. Let us all be as easily condemned as David was when he cut off that little piece of Saul's cloak. If we are half way right we will be condemned when we have a wrong feeling against one of God's children. Unless we are careful it will not be long till our consciences will be seared as with a hot iron, and we will have no condemnation regarding these little things as David did; for the Spirit will cease to strive with ,us concerning these things if we wilfully go on, knowing better. Let us, with the Lord's help, no longer live as Paul says in II Tim. 3:7: "Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." I do plead with you to heed II Tim. 2 7 : "Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things." He tells us to consider, not what we think or feel, but his word, that we may be able to come to the whole knowledge of his word. How* can we do this if we do not consider our own lives and our own ways, and then try, in God's name, to measure up to his word? He asks no impossibility of us. If you find fault with what I had told you of my Christian life, then you, too, lack the light of God's word, and are blind through the lack of the love ,of God as he sets it forth in a spiritual sense. We must live spiritually, but when we do we are sure not to please men. It was not long after Brother P came back from the east that I went to his house. When my enemies found they had failed in getting me off the wagon, they all went up to the Holiness camp meeting, at Fort Collins, and did some talking. But Paul says it is a small matter, to be judged of men. Let us leave the OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH .'317 punishment in God's hands. It lies in no one's power to make another suffer as God can make us suffer; for he knows how to reach the heart as no human power can do. It is strange we cannot see it. Surely you can after reading this book. God will make them that harm his children suffer, for he says you touch the apple of his eye. Does he not say, "Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm?" (Psalms 105:15.) "They envied Moses, also in the camp, arid Aaron the saint of the Lord" (Psalms 106:16). The Lord said : "Who can stand before envy?" Moses had to, and if we live right we, too, will suffer envy. God plainly tells us, in Zech. 7:10, "Let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart/' Zech. 8:17: "And let none of you imagine evil in your heart against his neighbour." They not only imagined evil, hut told their imaginations as the truth, and the leaders of the church listened to them, and believed them, and cast me out. But, thank God, I could act according to Prov. 25:21, 22: "If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and the Lord shall reward thee." That is his promise, and he will not break it ; and that is what we must do if we receive a reward hunt up our enemies and do them good. When Sister T and Sister H came back from the camp meeting they got in the wagon with us that same evening and went to the street meeting. The next day Sister H came to my house and told me of the vision of snakes she saw up at the camp meeting. She said she could still see the vision, but did not know what it meant. She was not long in finding out. Sister T surely represented some of them, and started out to finish the work she had failed in before the camp meeting. She called herself God's battle ax, which is spoken of in Jeremiah, but being blind, spiritually, she turned her battle ax on one of God's children. Before this trouble came up, this one who was ^o determined to harm me went to leading members of the church and told them my niece would rather see a rattlesnake come into the street wagon than herself. But that was not all. They said my niece was seen coming out of a house on Market street; and to add to our trouble, they said my niece was the cause of one of the young brethren almost backsliding, because she laid her hand on his shoulder when she was talking to him. Oh, these evil- minded Christians ! I have spoken of this to shojv the carnal minds of believers. It was not enough for them to show their envy towards me, but they were envious of her, and went so far as to question her word during the time of the trouble. In a few days the stories began to ,come to me. At first I paid no attention : then one Sunday morning, after I went to class meeting, something was told to me, but the parties who told me would not say who had started it. I do not remember now what they told me, but 318 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD a passage of scripture came to me, and when I testified I quoted Matt. 7:3-5. If you do not know what a bible hypocrite is, notice these three verses. There are as many hypocrites these days as there w^ere in Christ's time. Now, do not think I am writing this book because I have been talked about, for I am not. From the greatest to the least in every church they have more or less said about them* though it is a more serious thing to talk about one of the workers than about an ordinary member. You never hear one of the Christians of the Catholic church talk about their priests or the Sisters the workers in their church. They consider them the anointed of God. Some of the members drink, swear, and beat their wives, but they do not talk about one of God's anointed workers. Matt. 7:3: "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" If they had only stopped to consider they never would have done as they did, for they told me so. They saw the wrong after they had done it. Read II Tim. 2:7. The Lord would give them understanding in all things, and show them how to get the mote out of the other Christian's life. You can always tell a hypocrite, for everything he knows he tells, and more, too. A hypocrite is always seeing a mote in someone's life, and trying to set someone right, and talking about them if they are not right. One who considers, God gives understanding to help others do right; and they do not tell everyone they meet what they are doing, or what the mote in the life of the one they are trying to help is. To have understanding, we must consider, as the Lord says in Matt. 7:5: "Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine 'own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." We must get our- selves right first; and let us do it in a different way than they did when they saw the mote in my eye. They went about it like hypocrites, and then when I quoted this fifth verse I did not know Sister H had said one word about me. But Sister W went that day and told Sister H I called her a hypocrite, but I did not. She got angry and said things she was sorry for afterwards. After the morning services were over 'Brother B came to me and wanted me to stop speaking to Brother J , or having anything to do with him. .1 told Brother B that I was not going to do anything more for him. Everyone knows I said I never would help him again. I said : "Brother S knows I told 'him so, the day we were over to your house; and I told him I would leave the wagon, and he could get someone else to take my place that Sunday evening." I said I had given him up for good, the time he came and wanted mei to help him and put him 'in the Sunday school. Sister Worthiam knows my determination was never to OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 3IQ do any more. Sister H was the whole cause of me helping her with (him, for I had done my part long before. One of the landladies where he roomed, Mrs. Lemon t, came that morning to the trial to say that she, too, was the fault of my holding to him. She said: "Sister Peterson, ido not give him up; if you do he will go down until he will be unfit to hold his "position." She knew what I had done, for he had been rooming there over a year. "Sister Peterson," she said, "I know what you are better than they do; for I have seen /with my own eyes, and I know you are all right." But they paid no attention to her the morning of the trial. She was one of the five who asked me not to let him go, and is still here in the city. I do not regret one moment's labor for the hundreds of downtrodden men and women 'I have been able to help. I Cor. 15:58: "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord." In the Sunday morning class meeting I said : "Oh, ye hypocrites; take the beam first out of your own eye." And they said I got mad and called all the Haymarket people hypocrites. After the class meeting Brother B said he wished to talk to me about this matter, and we sat down and had another under- standing; but I did not know the plans of my enemies to complete their work, and when Brother B asked me to have nothing to do with him I did not know what he meant. I had nothing against the brother, and no good Christian can have hard feelings against anyone, and when Brother P asked me not to speak to him I replied: "No; I will not promise that, for I never saw the man or woman I would not speak to not even the devil himself if I met him." I told Brother P to get someone to lead the wagon, as I would not, saying I did not intend to do any more for that man. Then he said: "We will let it all go. You go on with the wagon." I did not know what he meant, or I should never have gone on the wagon again. I led the meeting on the street that evening, which was the i8th of September, and the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following. A large envelope was handed me as I was coming down the steps of the wagon in front of the Haymarket Mission. I could not imagine what the great, large letter meant. It looked like it might contain a deed to a beautiful palace, or other valuable property. As luck would have it, I was not going into the Mission that evening. Sister Worthiam and I had made up our minds after the street meeting to go over to the St. James church, as there was an evangelist holding meetings there. Had I not gone there I suppose I should have opened my letter at the church. It being such a large one, and typewritten, it would have drawn the attention of a good many, and as all 320 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD knew more of my business than I did, they would have known before I could understand. I was told afterward by Sister H that Brother W -, herself and several others were sitting around the dinner table talking the matter over, and how they asked her certain questions, when Brother W - got up from the table and said to his wife: "Give me $5." If I understand it rightly, he was paying $5 a month. Anyway, he took the $5 and handed it to Brother P , saying, "That woman must be put out," or words to that effect. I was told that Brother P wrote the letter and Brother W handed it to Brother Record, the secretary, and as he handed me the letter this Brother W stood in the alley in the shade of the building and saw Brother R hand me the letter. On our way to the St. James I opened it, and as Sister Worthiam and I walked arm in arm we read : "Mrs. Peterson : You must stay off the wagon, stop leading meetings, and confess your guilt, or I will lay the case before Mr. Peterson." It has been a long time since I read the letter, but this is as near as I can remember it. I intended to keep it and many others for my book, but they were stolen from me and destroyed. I let Brother Uzzell read several of the letters, including the ones I received from Brother P . Then I went to asking this one and that one, and found out what was going on. I made up my mind to make someone suffer for what they had said, for there was no foundation lor their stories. I knew their threats could not be put into execution, for the one who had sworn to down me had done the same thing I had 'done, and I had witnesses to easily prove it. I knew I could clear myself as easily as to take a drink of water, so that did not bother me a 'bit. I made up my mind if those connected with the church trial did not do the right thing I would not stop short of taking the matter into the courts. I would employ a good lawyer, and after I had beaten them legally. I would scorch them for scandal. I could have made it hot for them, for it is a difficult thing to prove, one a bad character, espe- cially when there were eight or ten who had been in my home all summer who were ready to testify to my respectability. They are all alive to-day, and will tell you the same. I knew what I could do, and the letter did not bother me one bit. I slept well all that night, and felt good over the chance of getting hold of the long-tongued Christians. The one who started the stone rolling was sanctified. Oh, what a power a sanctified one is in the hands of the devil ! If I had gone ahead they would all have been helpless, unless they swore to lies and perjured themselves, as some of them did, and it cannot be denied. That was all that could have saved 'them from going behind the bars. Perhaps it would OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 321 have done them good. They would have had time to read their bibles, and would have known by the time they got out that God said to speak evil of no man, guilty or not. Many Christian teachers and leaders know so little of what is written in that grand old book. I was all swelled up. I thought, now I would show them a thing or two; and my Johnny Bull blood began to boil, with a little French as a stimulus, till my very fingers itched to get hold of them. I told my niece that I would like to wipe up the earth with them, and then go down to the City Hall and pay my fine; then I would feel a little as if I had some satisfaction. Afterward I would send them as far as I could over the road. As these feelings and 'thoughts came to me I wondered, for I had had no such feelings for eight years not since the work of sanctification started in my life. And these feelings did not come till after I had decided to make them suffer for what they had said. When I began to prepare for the trial I could think of more mean things to say and do than a Philadelphia lawyer. Before the evening of the following day my heart was as hard as a stone. Oh, how hateful I felt toward everyone I thought helped along the talk, and I was even bitter toward those I thought believed it. Oh, it was a bitter feeling, so bitter I could hardly wait for the trial. I was determined to give them as good as they had sent, and I never saw the day anyone could get the best of me in anything, for I had long learned to battle with this wicked world and hold my own even when a little crippled girl fourteen years old, when married men tried to get the best of me and put young men up to lay snares for me. All this was going through my mind. I, a child of God, accused of such things! Well, I was able to take care of myself, and in a position where evil men with wicked intentions wanted nothing to do with me. That kind of men go after young girls and young women wlio have just started out in life. None ever bothered me in my Christian work. Even animals know when you love them, and so do men. I care not how brutish or wicked a man has become, the presence of a pure, true, honest- hearted, spiritual man or woman will bring him to his better self, and cause him to think of the teachings of his dear old mother. He feels the difference without a word, just as an animal has the instinct to know whether you have a spirit of love or of anger. I have had more honesty shown me among those whom the church calls "hoboes" than I ever did among Christian men and women. They can feel the true sympathy one has for them, and they receive it from me just as they would from their own dear sister or mother. I care not how drunken or low they are, I have never had to be on my guard against this class. No wonder the Lord said they would go in before the high classes. I had these bitter 322 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD feelings in my heart as Sister Worthiam and I were on our way to Brother P ; s to see him about the time of the trial. He was not inclined to talk, but said he would notify me when he was ready. In a few days I got the notice, wthich said I could not interview him except in the presence of his wife. I did not know I had become so dangerously wicked till I read this letter informing me of the fact. I let Brother Gayhart and Brother Uzzell read the letter. We told him we would be ready at any time, bade him the time of day, and went our way. I could feel my heart getting harder, and the devil came to me with such determined thoughts I felt I could fight ten thousand devils, if need be. This scripture came to me (James 3:14): "But if ye have bitter envying and strife in thy jheart, glory not." I knew I did not envy anyone, but I knew the bitterness and strife were there. I never had seen the time that the Lord did not bless me, so it was an easy thing for me to glory. I said : "Lord, if I do praise your name with this feeling, then I am a liar, and am lying against the truth." Then condemnation came upon my heart, like John Bunyan's burden, and I said to Sister Worthiam : "I never, in all these eight years, felt such a mean, hateful feeling, and I do not know what has caused this bitterness to get into my heart as it has." I knew it began to grow when I made up my mind not to suffer what I had heard. Sister Worthiam said : "Let us pray about it, and see how we will feel in the morning." She went upstairs to bed, for she was staying at my house. I knew already, by this scripture, the Lord did not want me to do one thing. The next morning Sister Worthiam said: "Sister Peterson, the Spirit has shown me, ever since you told me how you felt, that you should not have anything to do with that trial." And we let it go. As I read James 3:i5> r i6, 17: "This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable." I had already been told I was envied, and I knew there was strife, and every evil thing that could "be said. I made up my mind to let the whole thing go, and the sweetest feeling filled my heart, and I knew it was the peace promised in the i;th verse. I said: "Lord, I was not very gentle in my feelings." And then I wondered if I would have been in my words or actions if I had kept on. The same verse says the wis- dom from above is easy to be entreated, full of mercy. Again I said : "Dear Lord, with the feelings I had yesterday I would have shown anything but mercy." How could I do other than let the whole ^ thing, go after the Holy Spirit showed me the word of God so plainly? What would have become of me if I had gone against such light? I said; "Lor of the verse came to me and I knew I could do nothing, even after they had said all they had. But the words told me what I should do: "But let him glorify God on his behalf." I did not have much glory in me about that time. If the Lord had told me to glory in anything else perhaps I might have done it, or if In- had told me to give them as good as they sent, then I could have < d. Not "Do unto others as you would have them do unto I tfid not like the way they did to me, and I could not >om my heart, "Lord, I will do to them as I would have them 326 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD do to me." I could not glorify God in my feelings till I was willing to do as God had told me to do. And what I should do was so plain, by the Holy Spirit's influencing me so with the truth, that I could not go ahead without going wilfully against the light. But one evening Jennie told me a lot of stuff that had been told her, so I said : "Jennie, let's go and see Brother P and see what he will say, and see if he cannot see the wrong there is in this con- tending." So we went over to his house, and said : "Brother P -, is this not wrong?" He said he had nothing to say; that it would be made right at the trial ; that he had teen so busy he had not gotten everything ready yet. As he said this he arose, as much as to say: "I Jwill not talk with you." Then the letter came to my mind that he was not to talk to me without the presence of his wife; so Jennie and I took ,the hint, and said: "All right," and I left Brother P , saying: "I do not believe this thing is right." I did not tell him I had made up my mind not to have anything to do with the trial. When I left him the devil came at me with a double determination, and my niece begged me to go on with the trial. With all the scripture that had been coming to me -for several days no one will ever know, till we stand at the bar of God, the condition of my mind and heart. I said : "Jennie, I will ; we will go tomorrow and get our witnesses, and not let Sister Worthiam know anything about it," for I had told her the day before if I went on with the trial the devil would get me. So, the next day I took the letters I had got from Brother P , with others, and went to Brother Uzzell. He said : "Burn the letters and pay no attention to them. And I will tell you what I would do if I were in your place. I'd feel like taking a base ball club and pounding the stuffing out of everyone of them that had anything to do with it." I said : "That would not be right." He said: "I'd have to ask God to forgive me afterward, for I could not stand that." Then I asked him if he would come to the trial, and he said : "You know, Sister Peterson, if I go Brother P and others will think I went to spite them, and you know it would not be for that. It would be to see that you got justice, but you know we could not make the people believe that." I could see everyone was living in fear of what the people would say and think regardless of their duty to one another, or their duty to God. I bade him good-morning, and my niece and I started to get ready for the trial. By evening I had things almost ready. The next day was Sunday, and the Olive Branch Mission wanted me to attend their Sunday school in the afternoon and then lead a street meeting afterwards. I did, and I want to tell you it surely was Rachel Peterson who led the meeting; the Holy Ghost had nothing OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 327 to do with it. It was the first meeting I had led without the Spirit >ince the fourth week after my conversion ; up to that time I had always had the aid of the Spirit. If Christians had the Spirit there would not be this kind of work in the church. On Saturday evening I went to bed alone. The Holy Spirit had left me, but I knew well enough I could lead the meeting without the Spirit. I intended to go on with the trial. I thought if everyone else afraid of the people, why should not I be? Many said: "If you do not, Sister Peterson, you are a ruined woman." And I would say t<> my-elf: "Well, I have started this time and I will not give it up." But before the meeting was over that Sunday afternoon I said : "Lord, you did not help me in that meeting, but I got through all right anyway. Lord, you know why I am 4 this. It is because I am afraid of what the people would and you know, Lord, all my friends tell me to go on, and they are as good Christians as I am. Lord, why cannot I do as tlu-y tell me to do?*' But I could not get one thing from the 1; not one bit of the influence of the Holy Spirit could I feel; not one passage of scripture from the time I fully made up my mind to do this, on Friday evening, till Monday morning at ten o'clock. I prayed and talked to the Lord, and waited and depended upon the Spirit to bring me a passage of scripture, but he would The last passage of scripture the Holy Spirit brought to me I Peter 4:16. I tried to think of different passages of scrip- ture, but there is a great difference between trying to think and the Holy Spirit bringing it to us. Oh, how I felt the difference! But I thought if I would keep on praying and trusting in my own igth the Holy Spirit would come back to me. How daring I was ! I never did come so near wilfully sinning or defying God y life as I did that Saturday and Sunday. I went to bed Saturday evening and tried to pray, but I felt I was praying to myself; that God, without a doubt, had turned a deaf ear to my prayer and my trying to commune with him was useless. In my heart was a lonely, empty feeling. Again Sunday night I went to bed without that sweet blessing in my heart I had had for years. Before I went to sleep I could not help thinking of the last Wedn evening on the wagon and how the Lord blessed me. Many ion people said they never heard me speak with such power as I had that Wednesday evening. It seemed to me the Almighty was holding me between heaven and earth and that his Spirit -urging through my soul. Thoughts came like a joyous flood till >uld hardly speak the words as fast as they came. As I lay thinking, I said to myself: "Is it possible that this is all gone from me, never to return?" Still I would not give up the 328 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD idea of going ahead with the trial. The next morning, while I was dressing, there came over me the most hateful feeling, as powerful as had been my blessings. It made me hate everyone and was the first time the spirit of the devil had entered me since the Lord forgave me. I went into the kitchen, made the fire and started breakfast. Sister W came in and had no more than sat down when she saw the devil. She was gifted to see, as spoken of in the bible. If you believe in God's word you cannot question what I say. She did not say anything of what she had seen, but she folded her arms and rocked back and forward in her chair, humming this song: "Once I was far away from my Savior." I knew she saw the devil, for at such times she always hummed this song. Such a hatred came into my heart for her that I wanted to pitch her out of the kitchen. When that feeling came I knew I was dreadfully wrong some way, for I had always loved her as a mother. I knew* she had done nothing, so I knew it was myself and not her. I went on getting breakfast, while she tried to sing the devil out of the kitchen, but he did not go. He was after me and I could not help feeling him. I knew, she being one who could see, that she could not help seeing him when I felt him so plainly. She did not know I had taken up the trial again, or she would have known why the devil was there. I had said nothing to her about going to bed without God and getting up with the devil. It had been a long time since the devil had been my com- panion so early in the morning. I knew something must be done. Were you ever busy as could be, when all at once a hateful feeling would come over you till you felt like saying something just to hurt someone's feelings? Well, this is the way I felt, and it kept getting worse till I was ready to throw things at every little thing. The devil did not let me get ashamed. He made me feel that I didn't care. That is the way he gives strength. I know you will understand wlhat I am talking about, for our hearts are all alike. We are human, and the devil comes and tempts you as well as he came to me. The trouble is too many of us give way and do not recognize that he makes us feel and act upon his suggestions. Instead of shutting our mouths and praying, we do as the devil tells us. We comfort ourselves by saying it is only human nature, which is only a lie of the devil, for when God made man he created human nature and he made all nature to agree. The flowers, and trees, and hills are all in harmony. It is sin that causes even the animals to fight. It w&s sin that made the> weeds grow, for he cursed the earth. Everything that fights is of the devil. One who has the devil in hirm should not be at the head of a family, for God tells us to rule with love, as he rules this world and all KNOWETH tH did not wait; they judged me, and from the way Paul speaks in Romans 3:7, 8, he, too, was judged as a sinner and was accused of lying, and was slanderously reported. Some said they said : "Let us do evil that good may come;" so I see the way Paul was slandered. I could bear it, but I suffered. God tells us in Rom. 2:1: "For thou that judgest, doest the same things." The 3d ve*rsc -ays he that judgest and doest the same shall not escape the judgment of God. They have not escaped, I know, and with all of their judgments, and abuse, and scorn, they did not believe or understand the word of God. If they had, and thought me Mich a sinner, I would have thought they would have hung their heads in shame, when they were guilty of the same that they churched me for. What should have been done with them? God asked them, Rom. 14:4: "Who art thou that judgest another man's servants? to his own master he standeth or falleth : yea. he shall be holden up, for God is able to make him stand." Thank- God, I was his servant. He helped me to stand ; he put his ever- lasting arm around me and held me up. Think of them being 334 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD guilty of the same thing! And with that they judged me without hearing me. John 7:51: "Doth our law judge any man before it hear him, and knoweth what he doeth?" But that is the way they did. I always try to keep this scripture in my mind, Rom. 8:18: "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Paul tried to shame them j by telling them, I Cor. 6 15 : "No, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren." What I passed through only God knows. As David said, in Psalms 35:11: "False witnesses did raise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not. They rewarded me evil for good to the spoiling of my soul." I could not help thinking of David when my enemies got after me. They reminded me of David's enemies in Psalms 56:5, 6: "Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts were against me for evil. They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul." Psalms 69:20: "Reproach hath broken my heart, and I am full of heaviness; and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none." I learned more in that trouble than I learned in all the twelve years of my Christian life. I learned the wickedness of the human heart as I had never learned it, nor could I have gotten to the depths of their evil thoughts in any other way. I often wondered if David ever regretted having enemies. I know I never have. With David I could say I w'as not afraid of evil tongues, for my heart was fixed, trusting in the Lord (Psalms 112:7). When I read how David complained (perhaps I should not call it complaining, but what he said of his enemies, for God said David was a man after his own heart), I feel that I can say what I have said and please God, for David did the same thing. ,The same evil* heart is still in human beings, and among the church members, as it was in David's time. Though it is not rebuked as much, it is still there. It is well enough to talk about what the Lord and his followers went through, but let us talk about what his followers have to go through now. We will have a good many to rebuke openly. When Paul saw Peter doing things he should not, before them all he told what Peter had done. Was not this his own business? If it had been just concerning himself Paul would have gone to him differently, but it was not, and he said: "Peter, you are a Jew ; now you have been living as the Gentiles, and now why compellest thou the Gentiles to live as do the Jews, when you have not been living as you are teaching now?" It is trying to get somebody else to do something they were' not doing OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 335 themselves (Gal. 2:14). That is the way they were wanting me to, instead of having someone like Paul say: "Look here, Sister H , and Sister T , and Brother W , you want Sister Peterson to stop doing what you are guilty of; you are judging her, and God's word says you are guilty of the same thing. It is you that are the hypocrites, for you have a beam in your own eyes, when she has nothing but a mote. Oh, ye hypocrites!" It is always so of tlu- one who is trying to get someone else right. There is no better way to tell a hypocrite. God's way is to go to them, and say nothing about it. I was not doing as Peter was, minding some- one's business not my own. Peter was not a hypocrite, but if he had not stopped when Paul rebuked him he might have been. We have no one to rebuke that kind of people openly before all. It would make trouble, but we have the kind to go for the other side. If there is anything said about the tattler or the busybody, it is only to condemn them in the pulpit, but those that are repeating everything they hear, whether it be a lie or the truth, are never mentioned in public nor rebuked before all. I Tim. 5:20: "Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear." This com- mand is given to the leaders and those who have charge over the people, as Timothy had. Not everyone who joins the church can do this rebuking, and then they must know whether they have sinned or not before they rebuke. It must not be hearsay ; tlu-v must know. Instead of doing this way the people are trying to get the minister and each other right by finding fault. Go to these and ask them how many chapters in the bible they read a year, and how much they have committed to memory, and you will find one out of a hundred who can quote one verse right. They will tell you they have to work so hard they have no time; but ask them how many columns in the newspaper they have read, and ninety-nine out of the hundred will tell you all the news. They are the ones that will tell you how to do to be a Christian, and they couldn't quote a hundred verses of scripture to save their lives. But they think they know enough to dictate to a minister or a teacher of God's word. They will not come to you and tell you what you should do, but they will go to others about it. I wish to call the attention of that kind of Christians to this passage of scripture. I have no idea they know that these words are in the bible. If they do, they can't believe the words, or they would not have felt so hard of me for living according to the bible. I Thess. 5:15: "See that none render evil for evil unto uny man." Yet these brothers and sisters who have not read the bible half through since they were converted, and never sat down with the bible and asked the Holy Spirit to teach them, would tell one who has been on her knees -for fifteen vears that it meant 33^ THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD something else; that they did not feel that it was wrong, and that they were not condemned for evil. That is the way they talk. God help us to see what he says in his word, not what we feel or think. I was called a fool by my best friends, but it was for the sake of the word of God and my own soul. They called me weak and a coward, yet I was strong, or what I went through would have sent my soul to hell. I was despised, but honorable. (I Cor. 4:10.) You may ask how we are to know I was honorable. I have proved it by my life since more than ten years. I had also proved myself fifteen years before. Twenty-six years altogether have I proved my life in Denver. How did I prove myself? By honesty five years as a worldly person, twenty- one years as a Christian. I proved it by the bible to have done all I have by love. Read I Cor. 16:14. I have without a doubt proved to all the sincerity of my love. Read II Cor. 8:8. And still it was like Paul says in II Cor. 12:15. The more abundantly I loved them the less I was loved. II Cor. 12:16: "Be it so, I did not burden you : nevertheless, being crafty, I caught you with guile." That the church knew nothing about and will not till they get on the other side. I have* lived as those mentioned in I Cor. 4:11. I have' been hungry, thirsty, cold, and half naked, and was buffeted, and did not know when the hour might come that I would not have a place to live. Read the I2th and I3th verses. Most all the Christians in Denver know I have suffered as mentioned in these two verses, without saying a word. I have labored with mine own hands ; being reviled, I blessed them, and was as kind to them as a mother to her own ; being persecuted, 1 suffered it. Being defamed, I entreated. How I tried to make them believe I was a child of God ! but all in vain. But, thank God, they have learned to see who was wrong and who was right. I was made at the time the filth of the earth, and the offscouring of all things unto this day. God has surely done with them as he did with those in II Thess. 2:11: "And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie." There are many church members who would rather hear a story about someone than to hear something good ; and if they did not believe a lie, they would not enjoy a lie. Many will come up in that day and say, "Lord, Lord," and he will say, "Why do you call me Lord, and not do the things I say?" Yet because I would not count him an enemy they went about and abused me as they did. I had told a dozen before the trouble began that I had admonished him as a brother, but would not as an enemy. When I had done as God told me to do in II Thess. 3:15, I would not do any more to please anyone. There is only one thing that can be brought before the church for trial, and that is when one OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 337 trespasses against another. I had not done anything like that to anyone. They got it into their heads from the way things looked that I was stuck on him. The word tells us in John 7:24: ''Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment." There are but few. who can see beyond the clothes, or looks, or ways. And that is why they cannot see anything but evil in everything. It is useless to tell them to judge a righteous judg- ment, for they would not know the bible meaning of such a judgment. If they did they would not be so hasty to judge, for they would not allow evil judgments to come into their own lives. But they are so blind they cannot see, and the reason they are so blind is that they will not stop and wait until they know how to judge. They can know in no other way but by studying God's word, and by a good, long experience. But they go on judging, and that blinds them, and they are so ignorant they do not know what is causing their blindness. John 13:17: "If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them." The reason there are so many unhappy Christians is because they don't know enough about God's word to do it, and there is nothing left for them to do but go around with long faces. Two or three days before I bought the tent I wondered if it would not be best for me to go back to the Tabernacle. I knew Brother Uzzell believed me to be true, though he had not told me. But one who is sensitive to the Spirit of God is always sensitive to the spirit that is in man, whether it be good or bad, and I always felt such a spirit in Brother Uzzell toward me. No matter what anyone's else was, his always seemed to be just the same. The day before I bought my tent I met Brother S , and he said: "Sister Peterson, come up to my office a few moments. I want to talk to you." As I sat down he said: "Sister Peterson, is not this a dreadful thing?" "No," I said, "it is all right, Brother S ." "Well," he said, "what are you going to do?" I told him I 'had not yet decided. He said: "Sister Peterson, do not think of blacksliding. Do you know there are hundreds of souls in this city looking at you? There is more than one, in and out of the church, who has already told me if you failed there is nothing in religion." I did not speak till he had finished, and then I asked him what he thought I meant when I said I did not know what to do. I said: "Oh, my dear brother, I could not think of such a thing. I never was more determined in my life to be true to the One who took my feet from the mire and the clay and placed them on the Rock of Ages. My brother, by the grace of God they shall stay there." I said I did not mean that at all; I meant there had no one come from any church to ask me to worship with them. And I must worship God somewhere, 33$ THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD if it be under my own juniper tree or gourd vine, as Jonah did, till I can see what the Lord wants to do with me next. Brother S said it would be best for me to go back to the Tabernacle, but he said one of the old Mothers in Israel told him she expected that I would be coming back to the Tabernacle and that Brother Uzzell would be letting me run everything again. That settled me, for I knew what sister it was, and that she was no friend of mine. She never showed her dislike when we met, but I had the instinct of an animal left, anyway, and could tell. Then I thought the Lord did not want me to go back there, and I told him what the ,Lord was leading me to do; now I knew it was best to do that. So I bought the tent and within a month we had it up, and a floor in it, and seats; wie had it partly boarded up, and meetings every night, and street meetings, till the weather got too cold. I told them on the street about the money we lacked for paying for the tent and we soon raised it. The scoffs I did get on the streets every evening ! I was on the chair talking one evening when a Christian came along, stopped a few minutes to listen, then made a face at me and went on. Several who stood in the audience saw him and were going to make trouble over it. I told them not to mind. God saw what they did. The moment he made the face a great glory came over me. I knew the insult was from the devil, and that is why God sent the glory into my soul, and such a love for that dear, blind brother. Some of the Christians said: "Our pastor told us not to go to the tent." If they did they would be expelled, and several had to stop coming. Some of the members from the Tabernacle said in their testimonies they were laughed at for coming by some of the members, but they did not care. One brother said that one of the members told him they thought he was hard up for a place to go or he would not go to that place. And then it was said the devil was leading the meetings in the tent, not God. Anyway, people were converted in the tent and are standing to-day for God, and some were sanctified. Through this trouble the work of sanctification was completed, and I gave up my will by obeying through suffer- ing. I reached the height where Abraham stood when he raised the knife to slay his son. It was during our meetings in the tent that Sister Miller was healed, She was the wife of the minister who had the Metho- dist mission near the Columbine school house. They did not lose confidence in me, though they were warned by two ministers to look out for me, that I was not all right. I did not hear of this till after the healing was done, and it went to my heart like a dagger. Oh, how often I was pierced through and through with this kind of story! Little did anyone but the Lord know what OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 339 those darts meant, but he knew, for the world had pierced his heart. While I was passing through this Garden of Gethsemane these words came to me: "Dear ones, do not think what I say to be cruel or wrong. Oh, then let me fly away from this world of sorrow and care to the rock of refuge and safety. Oh, forbid I should bear on the wings of this hope one word, or thought, or deed that would tarnish, hinder, or prevent. Oh, dear ones, while I am dying to the things of this life, no language, words, or tongue the anguish can tell. One word, one step, one mistake may bring years of sorroto and a lifetime of regret. Oh, let us not be lost in the whirlpool of this life or the deceiver's net. Let us look unto Jesus, the one who is able to keep. No, dear ones, the things of this life you and I cannot trust. They will vanish away like the night at the dawn of the day and leave you without hope, -afoty or peace. Then, let the nails be driven and clinched with prayer, though the scars be left ; he bore them before us. Though tender ties be broken, the blood of Christ can heal. This is why I say, dear ones, do not think what I say to be cruel or wrong.'' CHAPTER XXII. WE had good meetings in the tent all winter, but the burden was too heavy for me to bear. The care of the meetings every night, added to my home work, was more than I could do, though Sister Worthiam stood by me like a heroine and a dear mother. Following is a short account of our tent work from one of the Denver papers : "FAITH AS ADMINISTERED BY THE NON-SECTARIAN PILGRIM TENT- WORKERS. "They have banded themselves together, the non-sectarian Pilgrim Faith Society. Their tent is at Fourteenth and Lawrence. Services are held in the tent at noon and at 7:30 p. m. every week day evening, while the Sdbbath is observed by holding an extra service at three o'clock in the afternoon. The prayer meet- ings are led by Sister Worthiam, Sister Peterson being the preacher of the society. "HOW THEY ARE REDEEMED. "Says Sister Worthiam : 'Faith gives us all we need and desire.' The lot on Fourteenth and Lawrence streets on which the tent stands was donated to the Pilgrim Faith Society by the wife of ex-Governor Evans. She and other Denver ladies have given Pilgrim Faith a strong support in helping the mission of 34 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD these two sisters, both jail evangelists. It is probable that faith- filled women will add themselves to the little company and the work of redeeming vags will spread to other cities. Denver, however, can claim the distinction of giving birth to the creed, that by faith tramps can be made to love work." We had wonderful success with the class the paper mentioned, but day by day I felt my strength failing. We ran the tent meet- ings six months. In April I gave up the work, contrary to the wishes of everyone who attended the tentr services. The tent held nearly two hundred and we had good attendance nearly every night. Sister Worthiam and others begged me not to let the tent work go; if I must give up either, let it be my home instead of God's work. I had gotten where I must decide. As the Lord led me in everything else, I would ask his aid in this. So one day I took the key to the tent and at nine in the morning I went down, telling them at home I would not be back till after the meeting that evening. I had enough prepared for supper, and Mr. Peterson ate his dinner at the shoe shop, his place of business at the time. I unlocked the door and went in and built a fire in the stove. Then I locked the door and told the Lord he must show me which I should do, give up the tent or my home. I told him if he would show me so I could see without a doubt, that I* never would go back to the house again to take up the cares of the home. "But, Lord," I prayed, "you must show me first th2t this is your will." I waited and prayed and the day was almost gone. I told the Lord he must ,show me; if he did not to-day, I would come tomorrow, and every day till he did. Along in the middle of the afternoon I began to feel my heart filling up, just as it would when I was leading a meeting, and I knew the Holy Ghost was coming to commune with me and show me the will of God. These feelings would come over and over with these impressive thoughts : "Not now ; go home." Then I said : "Lord, that means to give up the tent and not my home." Again the thoughts, like words, would come* : "Not now ; go home." And I did. The next day I sold my tent. It was an easy matter to dispose of everything and I was not long in getting rid of the heavy burden. I could see so plainly it was the will of the Lord. And here I wish to record some of the lines that came to me at times when I was almost overcome by the mighty waves that, like billows, came dashing up against this temple of mine : Father, my storm-tossed soul would cling to thee While the fierce, wild billows roll o'er life's dark sea; And when all earthly hopes are dead, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 341 When earthly joys are tied, Where shall my soul be led Except to thcef Father, I need thee in this dark hour; Comfort, sustain and help, And let the floivcr of my life, bruised and crushed though it be, Bear more fruit for thcc. And come to thce more carn-estly, And love all more tenderly, Kept by thcc. father, my life, while wrecked on the shores of time, Is to me like a blank; still clinging to thee, In thy name. Weary with sorrow and strife, Holy Spirit lead me. While my tired fctt walk in the dark shades of life, Lord keep me. Father, I bring to thee all that I have, All that my life may be, and all tliat I can do. Grant that this offering in my Savior's name May rise with holy thoughts, Pure, grand and true. Let me, oh, let me be, and let me dwell In thy sweet presence. Through time and eternity, Lord, thou art mine. I am ;so glad sorrow and sadness are not sin. Jesus was a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief. Hebrews tells ITS these things are grievous. The Lord causes our sufferings to work out to our own good. Our salvation, which caused our Lord to groan, brought joy and glad tidings to us. And if we will be patient, as he was in his suffering, we will be rewarded in this life and the life to come. These words have always come to me, John 15:20: "If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you." During the meetings in the tent I walked home every night, and -avcd a little change this way for the expenses of the meeting and for our work outside the tent. In the meetings my heart would be so filled with joy there was no room for sadness, and, oh, how I would long to always stay in the Spirit, so I could not feel the sad- ness which seemed to eat at my very heart. At times I thought this 342 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD suffering would kill me. It was at these times that the verses came to me. Many of my friends who loved and trusted me had absolute confidence in me, in spite of my enemies, till they found I was not going to trial. After that, word came to me that they doubted me. They would have stood by me, whether I won or lost, if only I had gone to the trial. It wore upon me so when I heard of it that a stunned feeling came over me, reaching to all parts of my body. At times I would feel like I were paralyzed, a numb feeling, such as your foot has when it goes to sleep, coming over me. And such an intensely lonely feeling would take possession of me, then I would want to go to the cemetery and live among the dead, where they could not harm me. Then the feeling would come to me: They have crucified you, and you are dead ; they have killed you, and you will never be able to go among the living again ; your place is among the dead ; go and find comfort there. When anyone would shake hands with me or kiss me I could not keep these thoughts from ;miy mind. I would wonder if their hearts were black with evil thoughts against me ; if they were thinking that I were a bad, lustful woman. One would try to sympathize with me, and I would wonder if they meant it. I would often ask myself: Is there anyone who thinks me capable of one pure thought, or act, or feeling? You see, my heart was wrung like that all the time, only when I was in the Spirit. When I was leading a meeting or praying was the only time I was free from these sad feelings for a year. I learned that human beings are so changeable that they might love you to-day and hate you to-morrow, though you might be pure and true, innocent and honest in your own heart, knowing all you did was for the glory of God, and that you intended so long as you lived to do right and never give up the hope of heaven. Then I would realize I could not be the Christian that I should be and have such thoughts and feelings, wondering if everyone I met were carrying within his bosom that desperate, wicked heart Jeremiah tells us of. I had come to believe from experience that the heart was deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Then I asked the Lord if he did not take out the wicked heart of stone and give a heart of flesh, and I would have to believe the Lord. I would ask, "Lord, is it me, and not the people?" I could not make up my mind that those who thought I did wrong were not Christians, for many would avoid me, and then scripture would come to my mind faster than I could repeat it the scripture I have already written showing how I should act and the steps I should take. Again I would say: "O Lord! there is something wrong somewhere, and I want you to show me. I must not be in the dark. I must know whether the wrong lies with me or with them." OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 343 I was satisfied I was right, as much as God's word is right, and I could not doubt his word, for it is true, though every man be a liar. I do not remember the time I ever told God he must show me before I knew it. I would say aloud : "Dear Lord, you must show me you must. O Lord, forgive me for demanding of you as I do." While searching the scripture, before I knew it I would be speaking these words : "Lord, you must." He tells us in Prov. 2 14 : "If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hidden treasures." I was seeking with all my heart. The 5th verse says : "Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God." I told the Lord I would never stop searching till I found what this all meant; that I was so wrong in the eyes of all but two or three in the city, just because I did not go to the trial. And even those could not understand why they should feel as they did, for they could not help believing I was led of God, and they could not explain why. I held to the Spirit to lead me in the scripture as a drowning man would hang to something to save his life, for I knew I could never do another day's work with my thoughts like that toward everyone. I knew the thoughts were not good when I imagined they had evil thoughts concealed. Prov. 12:20: "Deceit is in the hearts of them that imagine evil." And I thought they all imagined evil and deceit was surely in their hearts. I said : "Lord, you know I am not deceitful. If I am, Lord, I am worse than I was before the trial." I could not be sat- isfied till I got the true bible light on the difference between all of these Christians before and after the trial. I always thought that passage of scripture in Luke 11:20 was for sinners, but in the nth verse he calls them sons. They had to be born of God in order to be his sons. The I3th verse only proves. It was four weeks before I did the asking, but I was twelve years born of God before I lived according to the loth verse; I mean, to seek after the hidden treasures. Oh, how I did ask, and seek, and knock at the door where the Lord had hidden the treasures that would give us under- standing in all things ! Even the mysteries which had been hid for ages, but now are manifest to his saints. I said: "Lord, who arc the saints? If you have things hidden that you will not mani- fest to anyone but your saints, who are your saints? Lord, I must know." And then I started to search the word of God. I searched day and "night, late and early, and only one place could I find what a saint is. A saint is one who is sanctified and called to be a saint. You will find that in I Cor. i :2 : "The church of God which is at Corinth, to them that are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints, with all that in every place call upon the name of Christ Jesus our Lord." Then I was in a greater puzzle than ever. I found the saints were those who were sanctified, and these 344 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD were the worst, both in the trial and afterwards. Then the word of God began to unfold to me that I had to put my will on the altar, through obedience, and that obedience was learned, as the Son of God learned it, through suffering. (Heb. 5:8.) We are not set apart from disobedience nor separated from it till we are willing to obey as Abraham was, though it costs us as much as it did him.. Then the Lord showed me how to lay my will on the altar. Though I had suffered much, I had not suffered everything. One may ask how we know when we have suffered enough. We can know we have suffered everything when we know the will is on the altar, and when the will is there you will know it the same as you know you are converted. You can then say: "Well, I have complied with God's word and 1 know I am converted. Howi it is done is for God to say, but we know." Now, there are some who think they are converted, but when they come to see what God's word says about it they find they are not. By their own experience they will know when the will has been surrendered. It does not take long to know. There are many who think they are sanctified who, if they would study up their case thoroughly in the word of God and watch their own lives, as well as pray, would soon know they are not sanctified. I laid aside hundreds of weights, and at every one I laid aside I rose higher and higher, till at last I thought I had laid aside all. And so I had, of the body, but not of the spirit, till I went through the suffering that was as great as Abraham's suffering. And I had been saying I was sanctified before I was obedient in the Spirit! He showed m!e I had walked in all the light of justification, and then I w!as ready to begin walking in the light of sanctification, and that work was not com- pleted till I learned the lesson of obedience through suffering. God says we need .to suffer awhile. I did suffer awhile, and then he got my will, and by his grace I am set apart from disobedience, the last work in sanctification. But that work was not completed for three years after the trouble that caused me to suffer so. When I began to realize the work of sanctification was completed, then came the test of that completed work. I suffered for one year, and that seemed harder to bear than anything I had ever passed through. The second week in January I got the victory, so T knew I had proved to God and to myself. Surely the work was complete, and as far as is shown me I am obeying the leading of the Spirit completely, and know T am doing his will. I made my vows to him to obey his will when my child was old enough to let me go, and for eleven -months T have given all my time to this book. The Lord laid it o'n my heart to write fourteen years ago. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 345 Some thought I was writing the book because I went through this trouble. But God knows better, and I can prove by hundreds that I decided to write the history of my life several years before this trouble. But there arc those who can see an evil motive in every- thing one does. When this book is finished I am ready to fulfill the call, for I know God called me four weeks after my conversion. The work of sanctification is finished and God has tested and proved me and the veil was taken away when I turned to the Lord almost twenty years ago. This is the first veil, spoken of in II Cor. 3:16. This is where we are schooled and taught. It is the first grade and it is blessed, but he will not let us go any farther till we know how to live and attend to the candlesticks and the tables. Now these are the little things in which we must be faithful as we would be in big things, and it must be faithfulness that will measure up to the word of God in everything. We must know by our own ex- perience what the shew-bread means, and know by practice what it means to live in the sanctuary spoken of in Heb. 9:2. The way into the holies was not yet made manifest while these first experiences of our tabernacle were not finished. The Holy Ghost will not show you how to get into the holies till you have proved yourself in the first veil. Read Heb. 9:8 and see what means this first veil, also spoken of in Corinthians. Then read Heb. 9:3. There must be a first or there could not be a second veil. Heb. 9 13 : "And after the second veil, the tabernacle ;" which means only a higher experience, which tells you to leave the principles of the doctrine of Christ and go on to perfection. (Heb. 6:1.) This means to get out of that experience, and add to the first veil the second veil, where there is more. Now, let us see how much more there is in the second room, behind the second veil, unto perfection where all these perfect things are, Heb. 9:4: "Which had the golden censer, and the ark of the covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein was the golden pot that had manna, and Aaron's rod that budded, and the tables of the covenant." In the first veil they had shew-bread, and in the second veil they ate manna. Some may ask why. In the first room, or in the first principles of the doctrine, you have the carnal mind, and Paul says you walk as men. not spiritually. You must learn to be led by the Spirit in the first room, and then he will lead you and show yon the second room. Does he not say so in Heb. 9:8? In Heb. 6:1 the Lord says : "Let us go on." Where, and how far, shall we go on, and keep going on? To go means a distance or time. And after vou pro on you come to what? The Lord says "unto perfection." Heb. 6: TO: "Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure 346 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil." Now, this is what helps us to go on. It means something to get there. It means much to get where God would have you before you can be trusted to go farther. You must be true and faithful, so much so that you must know by experience. But it takes time to have an experience, and you must know yourself in that way, for there is no other way. And God must know. He will accept no way but by testing you as he did Abraham. It was then he acknowledged he knew Abraham feared him. There is a difference between knowing a thing and being told you know it. To have the knowl- edge is a good thing, and to be told you have it makes it that much better. You might know by every act, .look and feeling that someone loved you, tout if they did not tell you so, if you also loved them, it would not do you so much good. We must go through experience that will test us and cause us as much suffering as Abraham endured, and when we do God will tell us, as he told Abraham, go on and unto. But we must go on first, doing all the Holy Spirit leads us to do, -and then when we get unto the place, as Abraham did, God will let us see as he let Abraham see. After we get unto the place we will have more to do than ever God called him to do in all his life. Then he knew what it meant to enter "into that within the veil," spoken of in Heb. 6:19. Heb. 10:19: "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus." What does having boldness mean? It means you must have something before you get into the holiest. You can go "on and unto," but when you get where you can go in, you must have grace. That gives you strength. And grace, love, faith and hope are gotten no way but through obedience. You may know you have this boldness when you are not afraid. Perfect love casts out fear. You do not fear to suffer anything or give up the dearest thing in the world. Having gone through the real test, as Abraham did. you have this boldness. If yon have it, you got it by experience. You may think you have it, as Peter did when he told the Lord he would go with him unto death. But when the time came for him to go he went in the other direction. But after he had three good years of ex- perience, with his sleeves rolled up, he meant business. He was with the Lord, getting lessons every day, and tests, till he got unto the place. Having boldness, he was ready to enter into the holiest, by the blood of Christ. How often the word tells us they preached with boldness ! But they did not do this till they got into obedience to the will of God to do anything the Holy Spirit revealed to them. We know they tarried ten days, but we do not know what all they had to do in those ten days after Christ left them, before OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 347 their sanctification was complete, or till they were in a condition to go into the holiest. After we get this experience we must heed the word spoken in Heb. 10:26: "For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins." How are you to know when you have received the knowledge of the truth? The only way you can know is when you do anything, or even think a thing, the word of God forbids. To have this knowledgs, the word tells you in Heb. 10:20. is to know you have the Spirit to help you study the word, and to be familiar with every subject that might come up pertaining to everyday life. To receive this knowledge does not mean to have simply a head knowledge, but a heart knowledge, which you cannot have except you have experienced it in your own life. That is what it means when God tells us we must be partakers of this fruit before we can rightly divine the word. To have this ex- perience and then sin will be like Esau, Heb. 12:17: "For we know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears." That is what it means when God says in another part of the scriptures there are people weeping their way who are enemies of the cross. They, go on and do things and continue to do them when they know they ought not, after God has given them the knowledge. After awhile there comes some kind of an experience into our lives so we can see if we had lived better we need not have suffered this or that, and then we weep and would repent. Why? Because we see it is worse for us, not that we feel we have sinned against God. We are shedding the tears or seeking to repent because we see it will ibe better for us. but God will not give us repentance. As I told you, there were people testifying to sanctification and at the same time trying to down me, because I was going to God for the true light and searching the word as for some hidden treasure. I saw it was for me to go into the hidden things in God's word,, and if I did not, then I must even backslide after going through the crucifixion. I thought all their hearts were black and all their thoughts were evil and lustful, and they pro- fessed sanctification. I could not understand it. At times this feeling would come to me so strong I was sure it would overcome me and that I would really forsake, or stop having anything to rlo with, the human race, which would be worse for me than to go and commune with the dead. I knew I could not do the work the Lord wanted me to do feeling like this, and God knew it ; and I want to tell you the devil knew it, too, and he was doing all he could do to get me to stop my work. If he could not stop me any other way, he thought he could present the people to me 348 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD in that light and -accomplish his ends. I could not have defeated him if I had not known how to meet him with God's word. I knew enough of God's word to stand in the trial, but little did I know he was coming to me as he did after the trouble, to show me as he did. Oh, how well do I know, after all that, I would have backslidden if I had not told God I would not stop night or day till he showed me a way that I could resist the devil, and keep me from doubting the sincerity of those who professed the name of Christ. How the devil would hold up before me the sanctified ! I have tried to get this explanation into words, that you may see and understand what it means to be sanctified. It is not a com- plete work till we are tested in everything, and the Lord will test us only as we get the strength to bear it, and that strength is obtained through obedience. I told you what I did when the Spirit tried to lead my niece and myself out of the mission. It seemed I wanted to go, but I was afraid of what people would say. How plainly I can now see the reason I had this suffering. There was no other way to get me settled down to business and obedient to the heavenly calling, so I might look for the power and fire and the abiding of the Holy Ghost. I do not believe it will be long till God can trust me with ,this gift. As I searched out the deep things of God I saw where I was in my experience, and I could see where the rest were in their experience. The Lord wants us to thoroughly understand ourselves first, and then he will let us understand others. I could see they had not stood the test according to the word of God. That was the reason they acted as they did with me. Then it was revealed to me what a saint was, as I have already told you. After these believers had done what they did they went back into the state of justification. I have wondered if they had that. But they seemed to hold on to a little faith, and I was satisfied on that line. No wonder the Lord said, in I Cor. 6:5: "I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?" I was so glad the Lord showed me as he did, for God knows I did not want to have those thoughts, thinking that every- one was evil-minded. When I could see the truth as it was in Christ Jesus, through the Holy Ghost teaching me, I began to feel myself rising above that graveyard feeling. When I coukl realize what the meaning of saint was I said: "Is it possible that after 'all these twelve years I have just begun to get on the first rung of the ladder of the saints ?" Now my cry is : "Lord, help me to mount the ladder of the saints." Now I begin to feel that I have boldness to go on to perfection. I will close this thought by saying the first essential is to be born again; second, to get OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 349 the Spirit, and then begins the walk in justification. It will not be long, if you walk in all the light, till the work of sanctification will begin, and if you continue to walk in that light the work will soon be completed. After that comes the test of completeness. The Lord tested and proved me one year. He begins this work in us by his Spirit, and he is able to finish it. "Are ye now made perfect by the flesh? Have we suffered so many things in vain?'' (Gal. 3:2, 3.) Phil. 1:6: "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ." I do not know how many rungs there are to this ladder. I do think I am now safe in saying I am near the place where I could begin to judge. But my sight is not keen enough yet spiritually to be very hasty in judging. Yet I will give you these two verses, I Cor. 6:2, 3: "Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more, things that pertain to this life?" I begin to think that I can do a little on the line of judging the small matters. After the Lord has shown me the spiritual meaning of the complete work of sanctification, I surely can begin to mount the experience of saints. God onlv knows what is lacking in me in this experience as a saint. The Holy Ghost will reveal as I obey. Obedience is better than sac- rifice. The Lord has revealed these three subjects very plainly to me. Whether I have made it plain to you or not, it is plain to me. Paul tells us that earnestness must be given to us from God, and you may have to go through as much suffering as I have before the eye of your understanding be opened. Here is where you will be when you get the earnestness of the Spirit spoken of in II Cor. 1:21, 22: "Now he which establisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God ; who hath also sealed us, and given the earnestness of the Spirit in our hearts." Again in the 5th chapter, 5th verse : "Now he that hath wrought us for the self-same thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnestness of the Spirit." Oh, the earnestness he gives me to search out the deep things of God's word will never be known till we meet in eternity. He showed me another fact I did not dream of seeing, and that was this : there is only one thing or one sin that would justify anyone in churching another. Matt. 18:15-17: "Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him *his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouths of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church : but if he neglect to 350 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a pub- lican." This is the only passage I can find that says anything about a church trial. I knew I could not come under this scrip- ture, for I had not trespassed against them. I had not harmed a hair of their head, and I knew if I went to them they would only contend with me, because I was after all the "low trash" in the city, and would rebuke me, thinking they were doing the will of God. We cannot please God and man. God says, "Woe unto the world because of offenses ! for it must need be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh!" (Matt. 18:7) ; but for us not to get offended^ because persecution arises for the word's sake (Mark 4:17). This kind of persecution is not trespassing. This was the work I had done for God. It was God's and my business; not between brother and brother or against sister or brother. Neither did this passage of scripture apply to my cause (Matt. 5:23): "Therefore, if thou bring , thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee." How could you remember that your brother or sister had aught against you when you had had no dealings with them? We must know what aught means. Could anyone have aught against me for doing the will of God? Are we to apologize, or take back, or stop doing what we know is to the glory of God in order to keep our brother or sister from having aught against us? God tells us that we may offend all in many things. "If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." (James 3:2.) I knew, though I had offended a good many, that I had iiot offended any in word; and by the word of God I was able to -bridle my whole body. But a few of the young con- verts got it into their minds that I was not, and thought they were able to teach me how. God says we will offend many, but he does not tell us to stultify ourselves in order to avoid giving offense. There is a difference between offending and trespassing, and between your brother having aught against you and you offending many. God says we cannot please him and the world ; so trespassing and aught and meddling are different in a spiritual sense. Almost all the followers of Christ h#d something against him; they were offended and turned back. He turned to. his twelve disciples and said to them: "Wilt thou go, too?" And Peter said, "Lord, where shall we go? Thou hast the word of eternal life." The Lord didn't go and make it all right with them, either; he was tending to his own business, and had nothing to make right. Matt. 5 124 says : "First be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift." What ! to be reconciled when you are tending to your own business? I would not know what to say if I did go, but would be like the sister they sent to me. She came, but did not say anything OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 351 about what she was sent for. She knew I had not harmed or wronged any one, and what could she say? She reported Lack that >he came to me, but that was all. She stopped there, and did not tell them she did not deliver her message. She told the truth as far as she went. This is the foul play that I was a victim of. God knows the whole thing came from jealousy and envy. It was not for me to go to one of them and be reconciled. The word tells us that when Stephen was stoned he saw the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God. To think he was in such earnestness that he stood up! He surely had the same earnest care for me when he sent this message of scripture to me, as plainly as though he had brought it himself. He said, "Did not I?" and it was as plain as if he had been standing by my side. When that passage of scripture came I felt much as Peter did when he said : "Let us make here three tabernacles ; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias." I felt anything else but vengeance for my enemies. I would rather have gone and put my arms around them and loved them into heaven, than to have done anything that would have driven them away farther than they were already. The Savior 1 as he went up on the mount above Jerusalem and wept: "Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem * * * how oft would I have gathered thy children together as a hen gathereth her brood under her wings, and ye would not!" So did I feel like gathering my enemies; and what would they have said if I had? They said everything they could because I was good to my enemies after they repented. Thank God, it was from the heart, and I could love them. CHAPTER XXIII. I HAVE wondered why the Savior was found among the common people and talking so much with his enemies. Was it because he could not go in society and among the rich? The only answer I can give to this is that he knew how he would be accused and persecuted. The story got out that he was a drunkard and a glutton and associated with what people these days call "trash," like Mary Magdalene, who was running around town in all the low dives and with the seven devils in her, and the woman with the five husbands whom he was talking to at the well. Of course these wealthy people think so much of their character that they would have felt degraded if they had Jesus in the house when he associated with that class of people. Probably it was gossiped about in the neighborhood and church that the reason he stopped with Mary and Martha was 1 it-cause there were two nice girls there; and the busybodies, of course, would have seen that something was wrong, and they would say: "I was there the other day, and things did not look just right. 352 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I am afraid Mary likes him too well for her own good." And: "I was at the house the other day, and what do you think I saw ? You can't make me believe everything is straight." After what some of the women said about me, I am led to think Mary did not escape, either; and they would say: "Don't you think but what she is a woman just like the rest of us. When I called there the other day I found ithem in a room alone. Martha was out in the kitchen getting dinner, and Lazarus was not at home yet, and there sat Mary as close to him as possible, and you know what a man is, and we ought to go to i ways to bring humility and to humble me, for I know there are a good many who think I am using religion as a cloak. Those who have confidence in me do not know what to think, for the way I have been treated is so different from what the people of God are accustomed to doing. My detractors will defend themselves in some way. They will not suffer, or bear rebuke or reproach at home, in the church, or anywhere. I Pet. "Likewi -e. \e younger, submit yourselves unto the elder Yea. all i you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility- for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble." How many live beyond thejr means because they are proud. I would rather be with a dry goods box to sit on, and a bare floor, and a faded dress, with little to eat, than to have plenty and owe for it. God tells us to owe no man anything, and we would not were it not for the pride in our hearts. We are not willing to humble ourselves, to dress common or live common, or 'omnion furniture in our homes; and then we have no money for the Lord or in the time of sickness. . Paul so hated the idea of owing anything that he said: "If he oweth thee aught, put that on mine account." (Philemon, 18.) May God help us to live within our means. If we have anything let us not live for style and delicacies alone, and then we will not have it put on anyone's account. We should live in I Pet. 5:6: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time/' That is what I am living for to be exalted of God and not of man. I am afraid too many of us after God has exalted us. if he did not let something come into our lives to keep us anchored, would not stay long in our place, and he would have to do with us as he did with Paul, II Cor. 12:7: "And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revela- tions, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me." He gives us things that will keep us down, but we nre not like Paul. We have not sense enough to see that those things are for our good, but we murmur and complain and are always talking about it. Paul said so little about it that we can hardly decide what the thorn was. We know a thorn is not a very pleasant thing when it is in the flesh. It must have been something to bring humility. There will things come to us 364 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD to humble us and take out the conceit in us ; otherwise we would be lost. If we would walk in the light that he gives us he will humble us because he loves us and would not have us lost. After I gave up the Fort Logan work, and a few days before I gave up the Olive Branch work, one Wednesday evening I Vent over to the mission, and as I was leading the meeting the Lord led me to ask prayer for my broken limb. It was healed, and again I proved God. Brother Carveth was praying. Before he was through praying the pain left my limb, and before I got home the fever was gone, and I have had no trouble since. I gave up the mission work and had nothing but the jail and the Friday evening bible study and my Sunday school, and God let me see the great mystery that I could not understand how people could be Christians and injure one another and do so many hateful things that a sinner would not think of. It was revealed to me through the word by the Holy Ghost. It was then the grave-yard feeling left me, and again I thanked God. I was not satisfied with anything short of a bible explanation, and God gave me what I had searched the scripture for, more than two years. Some of the members thought they knew more about teaching the bible than I did. When the scholars know more than the teacher, they cannot be further instructed, and I thought it time to withdraw. The Holy Spirit was still leading me to give up everything. I led cot- tage prayer meetings after that, and the Lord blessed me in that work. But the passage of scripture, that no one who warreth must be entangled with the affairs of this life (2 Tim. 2:4), still bothered me, and continued to do so till I promised the Lord I would not lead another - meeting. After I stopped leading meetings I was led to stop doing for others. The Holy Spirit had bothered me on these lines so much that I knew I had to do it. It was much harder to get away from helping others than to stop leading meetings, for I told them in the meetings how the Lord was leading me to stay at home and write the story of my life. There was a young fellow w r hom I helped get out of jail that the police were determined to have. They thought he was a des- perate case, but I think they had some kind of a grudge against him. I had helped hundreds in the past twelve years to get away from the police, and I was sure I could accomplish the same thing with this young man. When the police saw me come into the court room they knew I was after someone. They would nudge one another with their elbows and smile. I will just tell you two or three short experiences in this work. One evening at 10 o'clock the jail clerk came with a note for me to come and get a man out who was arrested at 6 that evening for drunkenness. I knew he OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 36$ could not have been very drunk, as I was down town that evening about 5:30 and was talking to him and he was not intoxicated at the time I met him. I was in bed when the clerk came with the note and it was raining. Mr. Peterson tried to get me to let it go till morning. I said: "No; I will go and see what I can do." I dressed, took an umbrella, and as I shut the door Mr. Peterson said: "You are a bigger fool than I thought you were, to go out in this rain for that jail outfit." As the rain beat against the car window I was wondering to myself if I was as big a fool as people thought I was, and I got the answer: "Do you love your neighbor as yourself? Would you wish to lie there all night and before morning be lousy?" Then the Spirit came again; when I answered, "No, I would not ;" he said : "Love in deed, not in word. If that were your brother or son would you not go?" And I -aid: "Yes, Lord." Again the Spirit comforted me with these words: "Are you not glad that you can be called a fool and suffer for Christ's sake, and are you not suffering for his sake when you love your neighbor as yourself and obey God's word?" And what could I say but "Yes. Lord," and go on; and then the Spirit would make me feel as though I were there myself on that cold stone floor or on the iron cot with no pillow and only one blanket. When they were arrested for drunkenness they did not even have an iron cot, nothing but the stone floor. I said: "Lord, you help me, and I will do thy will regardless of husband, neighbors or anyone." There is one you are compelled to be honest with, and that is God; for he knows your heart, no matter what you say or how much you try to cover or hide any act of your life. He knows, and it is he and he alone that we are to stand before; and what we can do before God surely we can do before men. Oh, what folly to try to hide from one another and deceive one another when we know that we must give an account before God. I said: "Well, if they would live right they wouldn't have to suffer these thing*:" and then the Lord brought me this scripture: "The Lord is good and kind to the ungrateful." Again I had to say, "Yes, Lord:" and by this time I had come to the street where his aunt lived. I got off the car and went and told his aunt and we went to the jail. We got him out on bonds to appear at court the next morning. Some might say why did he not write a note to his aunt. Someone had- to go who was acquainted and had influence. I bade them good-night and told them I would be at court the next morning. I was a little late, and the young man was before the judge with no one to say a word in his behalf. As I entered the door he said: "There is the lady who will tell you I was not drunk." The police smiled and looked at one anothen I went on the stand and was sworn, and tolcj the judge I saw him on the 366 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD corner of Nineteenth and Curtis and got off my wheel and walked to Sixteenth street, leading my wheel and talking to him. I had worked among drunkards arid harlots and that class of people for over fourteen years and I knew a drunkard when I saw him. I said : "Judge, you know it would take longer for a worldly man, one who was in the habit of drinking, than thirty minutes to get drunk, and it was no longer than that from the time I left him till the police had him." When I said this the police had a hearty laugh and the judge smiled. I suppose they did not understand there was a difference between a worldly man and a godly man. The judge waited till they got through laughing, and then told the young man he could go, and to be careful not to appear before him again. As we left the room the police smiled, realizing they had lost another victim. One Sunday evening when we were holding the afternoon meeting in the jail, a young man motioned for me through the bars to come to him. I went to see what he wanted and he handed me a note to his wife. I got on my wheel and rode over to the number on the North Side and found the wife of the man. Before I was seated in her presence I knew what was the trouble, for she had a black eye that was swollen and her face was cut. It was the same old story whisky did it. Then to think of our Christian people voting for a law to license the sale of or even to permit the manufacture of that curse which causes so much suffering and crime and poverty and broken-hearted mothers ! The cry is heard from our learned and noble Christian gentlemen, that if the government did not have this revenue it would go down. I say, "Let it go." Must we do evil that good may come of it? God forbid! This is the way Christians are doing today and we cannot derfy it, for it is the truth; and may the Holy Ghost haunt you with these words : Along in November when chilly was the weather. Two ballots were cast in a box together. They nestled up close like brother to brother; You couldn't tell one of the votes from the other. They both were rum votes And sanctioned the license plan, But one was cast by a cunning old brewer And one by a Sunday school man. The Sunday school man no man could be truer-^- Kcpt busy all summer denouncing the brewer; But his fever cooled off with the change of the weather, And fate in the awfwwn they voted together, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 367 The Sunday school man had always been noted For fighting saloons except when he voted; He piled up his prayers with holy perfection, And kicked them all down on the day of election. Tlic cunning old brewer was cheerful and mellow; Said lie : "I admire the Sunday school fellow; f/e's true to his church, to his party he's truer; He talks for the Lord but he votes for the brewer." Ask God to open the eye of your understanding, that you may e ignorant, for God says we are willingly ignorant, and that he will punish ignorance. (Lev. 4, part of verses 27, 28.) If any one of the common people sins through ignorance and does any- thing against the commandments, and afterwards learns he has sinned, he must repent. God says in Lev. 5:17: "And if a soul -in and commit any of these things which are forbidden to be done by the commandments of the Lord; though he wist it not, yr.t lu is guilty, and shall bear his iniquity." Num. 15:25: "And the priest shall make an atonement for all the congregation of the children of Israel, and it shall be forgiven them; for it is ignorance: and they shall bring their offering, a sacrifice made by fire unto the Lord, and their sin-offering before the Lord, for their igno- rance." So it cost them something because of their ignorance. How many of us are suffering today because of things that we have left undone and things that we are doing, and then we wonde r why we have such a hard time getting along. If we were not Ininsr anything but upholding this law of high license, this and thi> alone would be enough to cause God to send all manner of punishment upon us. Let us see further what God's word says, that we may not be in ignorance. Num. 15:28, 29: "And the priest shall make an atonement for the soul that sinneth igno- rantly, when he sinneth by ignorance before the Lord, to make an atonement for him; and it shall be forgiven him. Ye shall have one law for him that sinneth through ignorance, both for him that is born among the children of Israel, and for the stranger that sojourneth among them." And then to think of a government headed with the law of God permitting the accursed traffic in liquor, which is the cause of so much of this dreadful crime in our Christian nation ! "For this they willingly are ignorant" (II Pet. 3:5). "Who can have compassion on the ignorant, and on them that are out of the way; for that he himself also is com- passed with infirmity" (Heb. 5:2). God forbid that we should be ignorant, for he tells us to search the scripture. We as a gov- ernment cannot stand up under wrong-doing, If we do wrong 368 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD the time will come when we must go down. Against the truth we will never be able to stand, but if we stand on the truth our reward will be as stated in Deut. 27:5-7: "Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store. Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out. The Lord shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way and flee before thee seven ways." Does this look as if we would go down if this curse of whisky was eradicated from our land? The Lord tells us he will bless everything that our hands find to do and to do it with our might; and he promises it shall prosper, for he says "Whatsoever he does shall prosper" (Ps. 1:3). Lev. 26:2-4: "Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I am the Lord. If ye walk in my statutes and keep my commandments, and do them; then I will give you rains in due season, and the land shall yield her increase, and the trees of the field shall yield, their fruit." "And the Lord shall take away from thee all sick- ness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt which thou knowest upon thee" (Deut. 7:15). This does not look as if our nation should suffer anything. But we can see from 'God's word and from observation that we as a Christian nation are not regard- ing the word of God. If we were even the poor would not want, neither would there be the crimes committed in our Christian nation. The year 1893 was a bloody one. The Chicago Tribune, which for years has made a specialty of gathering the ghastly record, told us that the number of murders was 6,615. In 1894 it increased nearly one-half, or to the fearful sum of 9,800. The six days of Christmas week in this Christian nation witnessed sixty-five deaths from murder and assault and twenty cases of suicide. The mur- ders of the last year would utterly depopulate the city of Pasa- dena, Cal., or Flint, Mich., or any other city of 10,000 inhab- itants. A religious paper truly says that from the woman who forced pins down the throat of her babe to the man who anni- hilated his whole family, these murders have kept brutal pace with barbarous Turks and Kurds. In the year 1889 there were about 3,567 murders. During the year of 1893 there were 2,960 suicides. In 1894 this record was exceeded by 1,476, reaching the total of 4,436 cases of self-murder. Here is an increase of more than 50 per cent in suicides and nearly 50 per cent in murders, while the growth in population has been less than 10 per cent. How few of these capital crimes have been brought to justice according to law may be seen by a study of the court records. Only 132 persons were executed, forty-one in the South, and ninety-one in the North. It shows a lax condition OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 369 among the executors of law when for every seventy-five persons killed only one is executed. The Advocate says it would almost seem as if for every law put upon the statute book relating to crime and for every decision in a murder case handed down from the high courts, another bolt has to be put upon the citizen's door. In its issue of January 17 the same paper takes up the question under the head of "Christianity and Crime." It quotes an able author, saying: "One might say that in spite of new papers and conferences and statistics, it is impossible to be sure whether true Christianity is flourishing or not. Particular organizations may thrive but the prosperity be hollow." The Advocate does not think this quite satisfactory, and explains that it is better to put the mat- ter in Christ's way, and then it makes this sad confession: "The Savior pivoted everything upon the activity of the gospel. He made prominent the fact that it would be preached and rejected, and those to whom it was preached be in a worse state than if it had not come to them. Therefore, in considering the increase of crime in this country, with so many pulpits and churches, we must ask first of all, How far are the people accepting the religion of Jesus Christ? In answer to this question- it may be said that the masses are not in any real New Testament sense accepting the gospel. They do not go to hear it preached. They do not study it in their bibles, and they still less take its mighty vitalizing and restraining influence into their lives. In a city like this it is difficult to main- tain a fair attendance at the Sunday evening services, but the theaters are easily crowded on that evening. .The majority of those who commit crime and go to jail or the penitentiary are men, but the majority of those who attend prayer meeting and teach Sunday school are women. The writer of this article was amazed last summer on visiting different churches to find so few boys in the Sunday school. The great body of boys in the country are growing up outside of the churches and away from the teaching of the gospel. In a word, a vast number of people do not get near enough the gospel or let it get near enough to them to be a power over their passions or to save them from temptation." The above words are worthy of serious meditation. They are the utterance of a paper that is decidedly optimistic, and which has had much to say of the triumphs of religion as manifested in Sun- day laws, decisions of courts, etc. It is one of the many religious papers which has welcomed the Christian nation decision of the supreme court; and yet, when facing the hard, cold facts of increas- ing crime which comes right on the heels, of Sunday law petitions, of the supreme court decision that this is a Christian nation, of the action of congress and the president in closing the world's fair on Sunday, of the great parliament of religions, the Advocate is 370 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD obliged to confess as above, and to further say, as it does in its previous issue, that it seems proper to infer that the present-day civilization aggravates rather than checks the suicidal tendencies and inferentially aggravates the tendency to commission of crime. It says : "The number of people who in the city of Chicago alone have waked up in the night to find the cold muzzle of a revolver in their faces is something astonishing, and still greater is the number of those who keep their doors locked, bolted and chained during the day, as if the city was in the midst of an insurrection. The rattling of chains which frequently greets a caller makes him feel as if he was being let into prison or a castle of historic times." The Advocate further says: "Then, again, much of the crime of the country is committed by the foreign population, the immigrants coming largely from Europe, and in Europe the Chris- tian religion was early corrupted by paganism. It is not a clear stream flowing from the healing fountain, but ever since the whole- sale introduction of the barbarism of barbarous tribes subdued by priestly craft and imperial power, it has carried into the life of the word a mingled current of the dark pollution of heathenism. To accept this mixture is not to accept Christianity as Christ taught it, or as the apostles preached it. So far, therefore, as this so-called civilized nation still cleaves to paganism and rejects a pure gospel, Christianity cannot be held responsible for the result." No. True Christianity, the Christianity of Christ, is not, and therefore should not be held, responsible for any of these awful results. It is the lack of Christianity and the rejection of Chris- tianity that are responsible. It is in great part the rejection of the Christianity of Christ and the adherence to and further acceptance of a paganized Christianity by those who profess to be Christians that is the cause of increased crime, lawlessness and outrage. Take, for instance, the position of the greater part of the Christian press and ministry on the great question of the Sabbath, an institution which the Advocate has declared serves the same purpose today as did the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. The Sabbath truly is a test; it is God's Sabbath, and it is a test in God's way. Lev. 14 :2i : "And if he be poor, and cannot get so much ; then he shall take one ram." We should do a little. Lev. 19:10: "And thou shalt not glean thy vineyard, neither shalt thou gather every grape of thy vineyard; thou shalt leave them for the poor and stranger: I am the Lord your God." We should even leave something on our tables for the poor and the stranger; not give them a "hand-out," but entertain strangers, for we may be enter- taining angels unawares. That is what God says. Again, in Ley r 23:22: "And when ye reap the harvest of your land, thou OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 371 shalt not make clean riddance of the corners of thy field when thou reapest, neither shalt thou gather any gleanings of the har- vest: thou shalt leave them unto the poor, and to the stranger: 1 am the Lord your God." We have not fields in these large cities, but we have tables. There are too many of us who say, "I am too poor, and it takes so much to keep up with the changing styles of the day; it takes everything we can make." That is why you are poor. You always will be so. Many will go on and never know this passage of scripture is in the bible: "It is more blessed to give than to receive." We should give as the widow gave her mite. It is an easy matter for those with money at interest to give, while they are living on the products of the hard labors of some poor family struggling to pay off some mortgage on their furniture or home. God tells us to owe no man, and we need not if it were not for this terrible curse of interest. Men could pay their debts if it were not for this. Oh, in so many ways we are turning a deaf ear to God's word! Lev. 25:36, 37: "Take thou no usury of him, or increase; but fear thy God; that thy brother may live with thee." Tell me how many are there who fear God. 37th verse : "Thou shalt not give him thy money upon n Miry, nor lend him thy rituals for increase." What a heaven this would be if we would love every one as we do ourselves. God has told us to do it, and when we make the poor struggle to pay interest we are not living the word of God, for God says we ought not to give our brother anything and expect an increase. We (are to do it because we love him and because he needs our help; not that we are to profit by charging interest. We would better wait and receive the interest that God will give us instead of trying to get our own interest. Notice the word "despise," and how many despise God's way and find fault and think God is harsh with them when it is their own disobedience that has brought it all on their heads. Lev. 26:15, 16: "And if ye shall despise my statutes, or in your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant; 1 also will do this unto you, I will even appoint over you terror, con- sumption, and the burning ague." Still we wonder why these things arc. It is because we do not love our neighbors as our- selves ; that is one of his greatest commandments and the one that we break the most. We should not make or manufacture or uphold or encourage with one word anything that would by the use of it rob our boy or fcirl of reason or drag them down to a drunkard's grave. And why should we uphold a government thai will encourage a traffic that causes our neighbor to fill a drunkard's grave? God forbid that we be any longer ignorant or blinded by the devil, but may this truth open our eyes that we may pray God 372 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD and keep those commandments. Just read Deut 28:16, 17 and 48: "Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store." Many people think these things just happen so, but read God's word and see that divorces are among the curses that God has pronounced against those people who do not obey his commandments (Deut. 28:30). A man shall marry a woman, and she shall love someone else, and then a divorce; and a woman shairbetroth a husband, and he will be infatuated with someone else, and there will be another divorce. Doesn't God say that the foes will be those of our own house? Does he not say cursed shall be our basket? These are the causes of so much trouble in our homes. Husbands are not letting Christ be their head and wives are obeying husbands in the place of God. People wonder at the terrible railroad wrecks and the way people are swept off the earth by hundreds without a moment's warning. Read Num. 16:33, 34, 35: "They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the con- gregation. And all Israel that were round about them, fled at the cry of them : * * * And there came out a fire from the Lord, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men" So many will tell you the causes of all these things. They will tell you, the cause of a railroad wreck was that the track was sprung, or there was a washout, or something on the track, or a great rock happened to roll down. Read the last two lines of the 3Oth verse and you will see that it did not happen so, but that these men had forsaken the Lord. If God wants the people to understand that he per- mitted these things, he also wants us to understand that we can forsake him as they did in that day. We have light and knowledge they did not have then. Deut. 28:54: "So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom." Who can deny this truth? Go into our courts today and see the divorces, and into our homes and see the cross, disagreeable, cranky husbands and wives. What could they have but ugly children? Deut. 28:56: "The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for her delicacy and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter." You cannot tell me that women and girls cultivating this dainty pride, refinement and style will not become selfish and love them- selves more than they love husband, home or child. They may not think so, but this evil pride is sure to promote selfishness. Their minds are taken up in their daintiness and refinement and culture of their looks, so that they may appear in society refined, educated, cultured forgetting the soul, the spirit, the character, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 373 They cannot devote so much time to these things and have time for anything else, for life is short. It is limited, and we cannot develop two different dispositions in us at the same time. A man with two trades trying to put his very soul and life into both, fails. He has not the time to cultivate and attend to both; too many irons in the fire only means failure. May God help us to cultivate ! and character, not pride and these delicate things that God Npi-aks of. See the delicate women of today, all primped up and ^o stiff that if they even dared to move their heads it seems their necks would break like an icicle; and that would be dreadful -ee those nice, delicate women running around with no heads From the way they twist and throw themselves, one would e there is nothing much inside that head but style, pride and -elhshness, and evil thoughts against her husband because he can't her all the money she wants, that she may keep up to date with others in the churches that are so shallow-brained as to think dress and looks are all and that a grand, good, loving spirit is nothinc. They have not that loving character which would be a blessing to every one they meet. To think that in this enlightened we are a< ignorant as the heathen ! If we were not we would fear God and believe that he sends these things upon us for our . our selfish ways. The rich man who intended to build his barns larger provoked God by his selfishness and God took his soul. 1 ^uppose he was one that did not leave anything for the poor, and thajt was why his barn was full. Does he not say in Matt. 24:7: "For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against king dom : and there shalt be famines, and pestilence, and earthquakes in divers places." Josh. 10:11: "They were ' more which died with hailstones than they whom the children of Israel slew with the sword/' Again, I ask, Why all these sorrows spoken of in Matt. 24:6, 7? "All these are the beginning of sorrows." Does it not behoove us, the children of God, to watch and pray lest we wax cold in our love to God and to our neighbor? (i2th v.) Again I ask. Why? This question is asked me more than anything else. W r hy are these things? We will let God answer. Deut. 1 1 126-28 : "Behold I set before yoli this day a blessing and a curse: a blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the Lord our God which I command you this day; and a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God." God says if you will hearken and do his commandments he will give you the first and the latter rain, and when he brings the punishments upon the people for their sins he will provide for you today as he did for the widow and her son in Elijah's time. It may not be your way, but he will provide in his own way. God says you shall lay up his words in your hearts and in your souls and bind them for a sign 374 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD upon your hand that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. (Deut. 6:1-8.) What is more disgusting than a bad woman who will not obey God? How cunning and slick they will be to accomplish their ends Judges 16:15-17: "And she said unto him, How canst thou say, 1 love thee, when thy heart is not with me? Thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth. And it came to pass when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; that he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazerite unto God from my birth. If I be shaven I shall become weak, and be like any other man." I Kings 19:2: "Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time." Prov. 7:4, 5: "Say unto wisdom, Thou are my sister, and call understanding thy kinswoman : that they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth thee with her words." 27th verse: "Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death." Prov. 9:18: "But he knoweth not that the dead are there ; and that her guests are in the depths of hell." Prov. 21 :g : "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house." I9th verse: "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a con- tentious and an angry woman." This is the reason why I encour- age the cultivating of the spirit and character and not pride. N'eh. 13:26: "Did not Solomon king of Israel sin % by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel : never- theless even him did outlandish women cause to sin." A bad woman can do imore harm than a bad man, for her influence is greater than man's. They had power in olden times, and how much greater is their power today, either for bad or good. Here is the difference. Judges 4:4: "And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time." 9th verse: "And she said, I will surely go With thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honor; for the Lord shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman." Women did great things in that day, as great as they have done in this day. Judges 5 :24, 25 : "Blessed above women shall Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite be, blessed shall she be above women in the tent. He asked water, and she gave him milk ; she brought forth butter in a lordly dish." I Kings 10:1 : "And when the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon concerning the name of the Lord she came to prove him with her questions:" I Kings 17:15: "And she went and did OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 375 according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house, did eat many days." Esther 4:16: "So will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish." You they did grand, noble deeds in those days. I sometimes ask if women were not more faithful and there were not more heroes then than now among women. Prov. 31 :2O-3i : "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hand to the needy," etc. Just as every Christian woman today should do. But you hear it said their husbands will not let them, and if they go against their husbands' will, the neighbors and the church will talk about them for their good work. The 27th verse says: "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." Most women think they have all they can do and hire half of their work done, too, to say nothing of the work the Lord tells them to do. A good woman will not be a tale-bearer or a tattler; will speak only that which is edifying. 26th verse: "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Not to say some hateful thing just because she doesn't like someone. The most dreadful thing is the tongue of a bad woman and an evil-minded woman. 28th verse: "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." If he does not, it is because of the church members who make him believe his wife is spending all the money and neglecting him ; with bad letters and other things they influence him. The 3ist verse: "Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." That is all I ask to leave my works with God. 3Oth verse: "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain : but a woman that feaneth the Lord, she shall be praised." And she is, and the jealous and envious ones cannot help her being praised, though they do as David said in Ps. 22:7: "All they that see me laugh me to scorn ; they shoot out the lip, they shake the head." Perhaps you think this is not humiliating and will not humble the highest-spirited person in the world. God humbled the children of Israel through hunger (Deut. 8:3), but he took this plan to humble me. Still my works praise me. A woman is brave when doing right and accomplishing good, but so many men do not want to admit it. Judges 9:54: "Then he called hastily unto the young man his armour-bearer, and said unto him, Draw thy sword, and -lay me, that men may not say of me, A woman slew me." This man, even after he was dead and gone, did not want to give the woman credit of being brave. II Sam. 20:22: "Then the woman went unto all the people in her wisdom." Can you not see a woman is as smart as a man? Luke 1:28: "And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed are thou among women." They could not 376 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD let the woman who anointed the Savior's head alone, and how can we expect to be let alone in our good works ? Mark 14 :6-8 : "And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work on me. * * * She hath done what she could." Let us see what a bad man is, as portrayed in the scriptures. Deut. 28:34: "So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil." Have you not seen men who were very nice to meet or talk to, and at home were as cross as bears? Prov. 26 :2i : "As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire ; so is a contentious man to kindle-strife." I7th verse: "He that med- dleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears." Prov. 29 :22 : "An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression." 2Oth verse: "Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words ? there is more hope of a fool than of him." Prov. 16:27: "An ungodly man diggeth up evil : and in his lip there is as a burning fire." I must speak of the only man whose love was greater than a woman's love. It is said man cannot love as woman, but we see and know better that men have the faculty to love as much as women. II Sam. 1 :26 : "I am distressed for thee my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women." This is an exception. As a rule men are selfish and want their own way about the least to the greatest things of life. The average man will conduct himself toward his wife as though he were monarch of all he surveyed. The moment the word is said she has not another word to say, where or when she must go or come. She is no longer a free moral agent. They will even take that from her that God will not, and that is her will. They settle down to this idea: "Wife, your place is in the house" it makes no difference how much she wishes to go "I am at home now, and you stay, too." He does not stop to think that after the task she has performed all day with the children, it is good for the mother to get out in the evening to rest her mind. It is as much rest for her as it is to the husband to get home away from busi- ness cares, but he does not think of this. I am safe in saying not one out of a thousand thinks of it; and this is why I say Jonathan is an exception 'among men, for he was willing to sacrifice any- thing for the comfort and welfare of David. A man, if right before God and with himself, should not ask a wife to do anything against her will or feelings or contrary to her wishes, concerning her indi- vidual self. If he does, it is selfishness. He will not before mar- riage. If he does he knows it is all off; but after the word is said he thinks he has her. He may have her body, but he has not her heart or feelings ; but so many are blind to that. They think they have the right to coerce the one who is bound to them by OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 377 law. Under such treatment, it is not long till respect is dead, to say nothing of love. God will not accept anything of us against our will. Men and women mostly call this love; and that is why when a wife opposes her husband in one of his desires, then the spirit of selfishness and not the spirit of love is shown. This is the cause of the divisions in the home. I have heard it said there was a time when men were so unfeeling and full of selfishness that they would hitch a woman up with an ox to plow in the field. If I had my choice, I would rather plow corn from six to six and be hitched up with an ox, if there was no man to drive or dictate to me, than to be hitched up with a man, by the yoke of the law, who would not regard the wishes or feel- ings or will of his wife. I would not think so much about it if he was as willing to look after the babies and take the care and let his wife go out; for he does not work one bit harder than she, and not as hard. This needs no argument, for it proves itself. After a woman's health is broken under the cares of house and children, life soon becomes a task and burden; and instead of the husband cultivating and cherishing her as Christ commanded, he goes on with his lustful, selfish desires. He has not suffered. His health has not been affected because of raising children. He is as healthy as ever. This tells its own story; it cannot be denied. I want to ask, Should not the man suffer as well as his wife? He would have these fleshly desires taken out of him if he had suffered as the wife does. It would be an easy task for him to overcome the lusts of the flesh, for Christ has promised victory through suf- fering, and I want to know what other suffering a man has. What does the word of God mean when it tells us to overcome the lust of the flesh? Does not that mean everything, even if it is equal to the plucking out of the eye? Does not God say to pluck it out and cast it from you? It is better to go into heaven with one eye than into hell with two; and which does a man desire, hell or heaven? From the account in the Advocate that I have quoted, it looks as if the majority desire hell; and from the account and the way things look, if we pass our opinion, there will be more women in heaven than men. Why? Because they suffer and endure, and are found in the prayer room and Sunday school. You tell me that God is not going to favor women. He does favor a nation that reverences, loves and obeys him, and why will he not exalt the sex that observes and keeps his commandments? This is the secret of women's success "today. We must acknowledge that they are gaining steadily and successfully. Why is this? Because man will not suffer. Man will not overcome; he will not control him- self. Though he is the stronger, he is not the strongest character. This is why God compares woman to the angel. God says he that 378 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD controlleth his spirit is greater than he that taketh a city. Let a man make half of the effort it takes to take a city and he would win the victory over self. The woman is not as strong in body, and man knows it; but he does not treat her properly, or he would regard her health and be considerate of her. What is worse to endure after health is gone when many a mother if it were not for leaving a house full of children would welcome death? You can tell without asking the question. The face tells the story of her life, that her burden has been too great. What has caused it? Married life. The husband is the cause of many an hour's suffering thai God never intended. Christ came to do away with the lusts of the flesh, for he plainly tells us so; and God has led me as much as he ever led Moses's father-in-law to correct Moses because he was injuring his health. It was so wrong that God took it up ani had it recorded in his word. He has led me as distinctly to take up this cause to build its foundation upon God's word. God never intended a wife's life to be a burden to the injuring of her health. Now, I say, let the wife have her say in regard to her feelings. Ex. 25:2: "Man that giveth it willingly with his heart/' Deut. 4 :29 : "But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart, and with all thy soul." But he will not let you find him if you are not hunting for him willingly, Paul said in Phil. 4:13: "But with- out thy mind would I do nothing; that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly." How are we, then, going to get one another to do or sacrifice unless they do it willingly? There is only one way to make either man or woman practice self- denial, and that is by love. The way to get the love of a woman or man, or neighbor, husband or wife, and the way to keep it, is to be toward one another as God is toward us kind, gentle, tender, and self-sacrificing as Christ was. It stands to reason if you do not cultivate the love of God, he will take that love out of your heart or it will leave the heart without being taken out. We have something to do after we get one's love in order to keep it. Treat it with indifference, and like a delicate bird the sweet love will fly away. If you wish to keep the love of a woman do not go against her will concerning the individual feeling. Woman's will today is the saine as in times of old. If she does not say "I will not" in words, she means it in her heart; which has the same effect upon love. I Sam. i :22 : "But Hannah went not up ; for she said unto her husband, I will not." It is a good thing to say "I will not" when right. On another occasion she said, "I will." You see she had a will. It is not right to give your will away, so that you cannot say "I wilLnot" when it is for your good. We can injure ourselves by being too good. This was the case with Moses, as OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 379 shown in Ex. 18:17, 18. Though he loved the people, and was willing to sacrifice, and had a good purpose, yet his father-in-law said unto him : "The thing that thou doest is not good. Thou will surely wear away." God does not want us to do things that will injure our health and break us down. Even if we think it i* right, God does not. I have found, when it was almost too late, that, like Moses, I have worn away, till I wonder at times whether I ever will regain my health. If I had seen this advice of Moses' falher-in-law sooner I might have lengthened my days and done more good. But, like Moses, I forgot all about myself, and when people asked me to do anything for them, it made no difference how much of a sacrifice it required or how tired I was, I never said "No." U I said before, the wife of the man who handed me the note in jail Sunday evening had a black eye, and it was whisky that did it. Monday morning we appeared in the court room. I tried to get the judge to let the man go without a fine, as they were very poor and he was not at heart a bad man. His wife said he had never struck her before. She said, "Sister Peterson, I 'know it is whisky that has done it/' Her eye looked so bad that she had to wear a heavy veil over her face, and even through the veil you could see it was black and swollen. After the court adjourned I went to the judge and asked him if he would pardon him and let him go. He said, "Mrs. Peterson, that man should be punished." I told the judge I intended to hold a cottage prayer meeting at his house that evening, and I believed he would live a better life if we would all forgive him; but the judge did not like to let him go unpunished. I pleaded: "Judge, let him go." The judge turned to go and not listen to me, and I just took hold of his coat-sleeve and arm and said : "Now, Judge, I want you to let that man go." He smiled and said: ."That is just the way with you. You come here and you will not take no for an answer, and then I let men go that should be punished." He stepped across the hall and told his clerk to write out a pardon. We held the prayer meeting, and the man started to live a better life. That was over seven years ago, and he has never been in jail since. I met him on the street and did not know him, but he knew me and told me that he was living all right. There are many others I could speak of that I have taken out of jail, among them one who inherited the sin of stealing, for his mother told Lawyer Sangler so before she died. I helped to get him out several times and saved him from seven years in the penitentiary ; but at last he got in for ten years for an inherited sin. Here is a clipping from a Denver newspaper of a little experi- ence I had with him : 380 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD "FROM THE PULPIT TO THE PRISON INDUCED A DRUGGIST TO SHOW A REVOLVER. "Ten days ago this brother (I will not mention his name) went to the store with Mrs. Peterson of 3519 Lafayette street, who is connected with Uzzell's Tabernacle, and returned one of the revol- vers, telling Haxbey that he would pay for the other as soon as he could raise the money. He took the revolvers on July 4th. He went into Haxbey's drug store at 442 Market street and asked Mr. Haxbey to show him some revolvers, and then he walked out of the store with them." When I went with him the druggist thought I was his wife. 1 told him I was not. Then he thought I was his sister. Such inter- est is so seldom taken in this class that people will hardly believe me when I tell them I am not related, but my work is done for Jesus' sake; but they have it fixed in their minds ever after I give them an explanation. After all my efforts this poor brother went over the road, but I believe he will yet be saved and my labor was not in vain. I have done as Paul tells us in I Cor. 5 :5 : "To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus." I have said enough to give you an idea what the jail work is like and the help those friendless boys need. I call them all boys, no matter how old they are. That is what their mothers would call them, and some way God gave me just that motherly feeling for them all. If he had not I could not have done the work I did. I have taken them out of the jail and gotten them rooms, and taken thread and thimble and needle and mended their clothes. I always carried patches in my pocket. I have often gone to their rooms and stepped out into the hall while they would undress and get into bed, and then I have gone into the room and taken their pants and almost put a whole seat in them, and sewed buttons on ; and have taken a brush along, because I knew they had none, and cleaned up their clothes. A few hours after I got them out of the jail you wouldn't know them. After I got their clothes mended I went into the hall and they dressed. After I got them all fixed up I would say, "My boy, you look better." Even his face was brighter, and you could see his spirit take new courage. Then I gave them car fare to carry them out of the city, away from the police hundreds of them, and have never seen them iagain and suppose I never will till I meet them at the bar of God. Now this is the work that those nice Christians saw me doing, and when I came out of rooms and met them they would say, "Where have you been and what have you been doing?" As David says in Ps. 28:3, they are the ones who speak nice to you, "but mischief is in their hearts." These OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 381 are the kind that God tells us of in Lev. 19:16: "Thou shalt not go up and down as a tale-bearer among thy people." I think if we would call those -people who repeat everything they hear by the bible name, "tale-bearer," instead of brother and sister, there would not be so many of them. I just want to say this, and after I have spoken they may mock on. (Job 21:31.) They think by their smooth words and smiles that I do not know their spirit and the bad influence there is around them. They must think I am dead to feeling. You can tell by the feeling when one has wrong thoughts against you. I can, I know; and I have the first time to be mistaken. As Job says in the 27th verse: "Behold, I know your thoughts, and the devices which ye wrongfully imagine against me." Oh, if the church would only do as is said in Prov. 22:10. Then we would go after the right one, and there would not be this trouble and this talking about one another. God says: "Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out: yea, strife and reproach shall cease." A brother quoted that passage to me one day, and he was so blind that he did not and could not see that he himself was one of the biggest fault-finders and complainers in the church. I knew he could not see himself, or he would not have talked as he did or showed me the scripture. If he could, he might have known he should have been one of the first to go. I would to God we all could see ourselves as easily as we can see others. I know there would be less talk and more work. As says in Gen. 50:20: "But as for you, ye thought evil against me. Imt God meant it unto good" to bring to pass this ho..k (which without this experience I would not have been able to write) that I believe will be the means of helping much people. Thank God that I obeyed him as I did. The dear Lord proved himself to me. He did, as he says in Ex. 23:22: "I will be an niemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto thine adversaries/' Kvery one who knew the class of people I had coming to my house would say: "Mrs. Peterson. I would be afraid to have that kind of men and women around." Few know the pure, honest love that kind of people have for one who takes an interest in them. I can assure you they are not the ones who will harm you in any way. It is the evil-minded, decent people who will do you harm. Only one poor fellow ever attempted to steal from me. He was another that had inherited the sin of stealing. But he did not take any- thing. One, however, without leave, took a little change out of the safe that I had, for street car-fare. I did have fifty dollars taken by a woman I had stopping here, but she did not keep the money twenty- four hours. God surely made her conscience a hell. I firmly believe the money fairly burned into her heart. Do you think God would permit me to te injured and wronged when I 382 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD was not able and could not afford it? He says he will not let us go beyond what we are able or put a burden upon us that we can- not bear, and the Lord knew I was doing enough for every one that I came in contact with or that needed help in any way. The Lord knew I was not able to lose that money, and he managed it for me better than the police could have done. I will tell you the secret. I always took the Lord for security and held him good for the money. Now, you may think I am joking, but this is the truth. As I said, it was a great deal harder to stop this kind of work than to stop leading meetings. I will tell you of four different experiences I had in the last few years. I had let everything go and was determined to study the bible as the Lord had been lead- ing me. The last sick man was one who had rheumatism. I hac helped him to get work. He was taken sick and sent to the hos- pital. I went to see him every week, till the nurse told me that he could not stay there any longer; the hospital was crowded and there was no room for him. He was able to be up but not able to work. I spoke of it in the Friday evening meeting. He was a member of the church, and I was sure someone would volunteer to do something, but no one did. I knew they were all poor, but they could have helped him as I did. Well, I said : "Lord, what am I to do?" I knew something had to be done, for he was to leave the hospital the next Monday. I thought I knew where I could get him a room and I went to see about it. After I had got him the room I wondered how he could go to my house for meals, for he could walk only on crutches. I got him some flannel underwear, having begged them one piece here and another there, till he was dressed warm. The only thing he lacked now was care-fare. How was I going to get it for him? By walking one way myself, and by cutting myself short on meat, I managed it, so he would get a ride going down or coming up. I did not dare to have the grocery bill larger one month than another, and when I did any of this kind of work I had to live on half rations for two or three weeks. He would come up in the morning, about 10 o'clock for breakfast, and then I gave him lunch to keep him from getting hungry till the next morning. With a red-hot fire in the stove, I placed his feet on a chair near the open oven door, and with a liniment that was good for rheumatism I rubbed his feet for an hour. I knew I was running a risk, for Mr. Peterson said I should not do another thing for him that I had done enough. But I knew the Lord wanted me to do what I did, and, like Hannah of old, said, "I will." I knew the Lord had told me in his word to obey my husband, as it was fit in the Lord. But he was nothing out of his pocket, for I went without things. Do OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 383 not think that I am the only one that says I will. I never saw a woman that amounted to anything that had not a will. I said: "Lord, I cannot turn this man out when he is looking to me for help." So I went on. One morning I had this brother's feet on the chair by the stove rubbing them with all my might; the per- spiration was running off my face; when who should come in but Mr. Peterson! He had told me if he came home and found him at the house he would throw him out. As I saw him pass the kitchen window I lifted my heart to God and said: "Lord, you know I am doing your will, and now I look to you for protection/' When Mr. Peterson saw this brother's feet swollen almost double their natural size (one of them he could not touch to the ground), he stood for a moment, looked at the crutches that lay on the floor, then at him, and then at me, and started through the house and did not say a word out at the front door and was gone. I said: "My brother, the best thing you can do is to go. I have rubbed your feet long enough." 1 put him up a lunch, gave him his crutches and he went. I knew Mr. Peterson would be back to the house in an hour, for he had just gone to the shops to give in his reports and he would stop in as he went back to work. I said: "Now, Lord, you know I am ready for anything; let it come." In about an hour he came in, got his oil-can and oiled his wheel, and never said a thing about the brother, and he never mentioned it. I never saw the time that I feared. I knew the Lord knew my heart in all the work that I did, and I knew he would take care of me as long as I did his will and was living his word. I was living in I Tim. 5:10 that morning, and I did not fear anything. This verse every wife should live in. If they do so they will have to live in Col. 3:18, first: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." But I was living in I Tim. 5:10, and could not submit myself to the will of my husband. If I had I would have failed to do what God says wives should do while they are wives, before they become widows, and that kind of a widow the church has to see after; that is, a widow indeed well reported of for good works, and these are the works of her: "H she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers (and I had done this), if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted" and that was what I was doing that morning, relieving the afflicted. It was harder than washing the saints' feet, for the perspiration was running off my face. As God's word says, I surely "have dili- gently followed every good work," and been a faithful wife and mother. But in order to do the good work I could not submit myself to my husband's will only as "it was fit in the Lord." Hus- bands as a rule are not willing that wives should be bible chris- 384 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD tians. They are not willing that they should do anything outside of their own work and the care of their own families. That is why God does not bless more of the wives today 'because they obey the husband and not the Lord. Pride and idleness are fos- tered. See what God says about idleness, Ezek. 16:49: "Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy." God knows I went hungry to give to this poor brother. Prov. 19:15: "An idle soul shall suffer hunger." Ex. 32:6: "And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt-offerings, and brought peace-offerings: and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play." That is the way the church does today. They go to church Sunday morning and evening and play all the week. Of course we have in every church working men and women. They have prayer-meetings on Wednesday and the W. C. T. U. meeting, and they gather in order to do good; but go to their homes and see if they have a stranger at the table that has no place to stay and no money ; see if they have a bed for the stranger ; see if they are helping the afflicted, or some poor hard-working widow who is raising her family by mending children's clothes, or some of those poor girls that clerk in the stores who have no homes and are sick half of the time, with their little wages. Do we get interested in them, and see if they have money enough to meet their expenses, or if we can do some little . thing for them, or take someone in to save them from going to the hospital and receiving every kind of treatment? You know we would not let our loved ones go or even ourselves, and we should love others as ourselves. Husbands, do you know you teach your wives to be idle? I Cor. 10:7: "As it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play." I know there are more married women than widows that are idle. They, too, have learned "to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also, and busy-bodies, speaking things which they ought not." (I Tim. 5:13.) Ask them why they are not doing something for the Lord on the bible plan, and the answer is, "My husband will not let me." Oh, you good little things! Did you never do anything but what your husband lets you do? Then he is your god, and you have not God. Mark that home, watch it, and see the end of it. God will send some kind of punishment or affliction ; and when the Lord does, they are so blind they cannot see that it is because of this disobedience arid idleness. I often wonder if this is not why there are so many sickly, delicate women that they have not God's favor. Through their ill health they become idle and give way to this whim of talking too much about OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 385 things that are not helpful. What I mean by this is, they talk about things that will not help the soul. Why I write about these things so much is, I have been asked mure questions on these lines than on any other. Paul tells us, I Cjr. 7:1, that he was written to concerning these things. The nniy difference is, they wrote unto Paul and they asked me. This is the cause of much of the trouble in the homes. Wives think they must do as ungodly, worldly husbands say. Even professed Christian husbands do not know what God says; or if they do, they do not care; or they live and act as if they did not. Paul told them in I Cor. 7:29: "But this I say, brethren, The time is short. It remaineth, that both they that have wives, be as though they had none." That would be a good way to get a lot of those husbands spiritual. They would have to go to God for help to rcome their grouty selfishness just because their wives were not at home. Paul was talking to the brethren. If they would go to God to overcome their selfish desires, there would not be the trouble in married life that there is. There would not be the lust practiced that doctor books have to rebuke, and say that it should be only when both agreed and the object was for children. You can't tell me that either man or woman can be s'piritual or please God when they cannot control their own passions and make married life a burden. There is a great mistake in the way hus- bands and wives are to one another from a bible sense. I know God tells us this is a great mystery, and so it is. They must have the love of God or they will go to their graves ignorant. This relationship will be a mystery, whether saved or unsaved. God tells us, in Eph. 5 132, this is a great mystery, and in the verses 28-33, tne proper relationship of husband and wife is set forth. There are too many to whom this is a great mystery, so much so that one or the other is compelled to get a divorce. Why? Because they have married thinking they knew what love was, and in the place of love it is lust. If not that, then each will try to be "boss," or to have their own way. That is outside of what God tells us to do in his word that husband and wife should stand aside for God. In the place of that the husband will say, "You know the bible says the woman was made for the man;" and they will put into this a low, evil, selfish meaning, that woman was made to gratify man. It does not have that meaning, for God said she should be his helpmeet, not that she should be a slave. That commandment was given before lust and sin was ever in the Garden of Eden. If husbands had to undergo the suffering of bearing children, every other one, there would never be a third one in a family. Now, I know the every-day life and experience among the sickly wives of today; ?nd as I am writing an every-day 25 . 386 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD book, I will put in every-day talk, whether every one acknowledges it or not. I can tell from their looks and the spirit in their homes, which speak louder than words. I know this to be true, and doctors say the same, and the majority will, too, if they are truthful. Some have acknowledged it in all classes in my work; and then men will say, "I am the head of the family," and begin to show their authority for doing just as they please and not allow the voice of their wives to be heard in anything. Why? Because they have read or heard someone read I Cor. 11:3: "But I would have you know that the head of the woman is the man" that is what they are pleased to hear. But they do not want to hear that the head of every man is Christ; and as Christ is the head, he does not try to take the man's will from him; neither does Christ show an ugly spirit because the man will not do as he would have him do, but is kind and long-suffering toward him and toward us all. As Christ is to the church, so husbands should be to their wives. This is a great mystery, and the head of Christ is God. Do you see the meaning? God is first, then Christ, and then the man, and then the woman. God filled his place, Christ his, and man should stop trying to hinder the woman from filling hers before God, or he will turn this passage of scripture lose on him- self: "The first shall be last and the last first." I have not only suffered for food and clothing to do this good work; but to think of people trying to get Mr. Peterson to stop me in what I knew God had called me to do ! This is why I have had so mu'ch to say in regard to the relationship of husband and wife in a bible sense. I know you will ask why, and I will answer before you ask. As I told you, I took the Lord for security when it came to money matters. One day a dear sister in Christ came to me and said her husband was drinking, and there was a $25 mortgage on her furniture; that she had to struggle and go without food in order to pay the interest; that she was not able to pay the prin- cipal, and she did not know what she would do. She came to me for the money to pay the mortgage. I told her I would let her have it with no interest, and she could pay me what the interest would amount to till she had the $25 paid. The morning she came for the money Mr. Peterson came home and told me that he had some news for me. He showed a letter he had written sending in his .resignation. I asked him what he was going to quit for. He said: "If I do not they will discharge me, perhaps, as there has been a little trouble." I looked to the Lord, and an assurance came over me that everything was all right, for I had been praying in my heart ever since Mr. Peterson showed me the letter. He went over to the shops and gave in the letter, and I said: "Lord, you OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 387 know everything is in your hands, and I will surely hold you good for Mr. Peterson's work, if I let this sister have the money. You know, Lord, she is thy child, and I have no selfish object in it; and, Lord, do not let anything come up that would put Mr. on out of his place." I had gone to the grocery store that morning and stood good for groceries for a month for six in a family, and I said : "Lord, you know I have taken you for security and will hold you good for it all." When Mr. Peterson came home that evening he was still worrying, and I said: "You need not bother yourself, for I know the Lord will not let you be dis- charged, neither will they give you a letter because you have asked for one." And thank God, they did not. That is more than six years ago, and he still holds his position as foreman at $85 a month. I let this sister have the $25, and at the end of six months she repaid me and was so grateful for the favor. The man that I stood good for the groceries paid his bill at the end of the month ; and the last work of helping people came to an end, for I knew the Lord had laid it on me to not only study the bible, but to write this book. The only cases I had on my hands now were a couple I was trying to get married that had been living as man and wife. They had been a burden on me for over a year at that time. The woman longed to live right, but the man did not seem to care much about it. He had little use for Christians, and I was about six months trying to get him to think anything of them. One day I went to his room with her to see what he would do, as she loved him so that it seemed death to her to give him up. I was praying all the time for the Lord to show me how to get hold of his heart that he could feel I had an interest in him as well as in her, and I knew if I could not accomplish that I could not do anything with him. I saw that I had failed, and this wasn't the first time. I said to her, "Come on, let us go," and he said, "Don't be in a hurry," and at that he took up a bottle of black- berry wine and said, "I suppose you think you are too good to take even a swallow with me." "No," I said, "my dear boy, I do not count myself better than anyone. The only difference between you and I is you are a sinner and I am a sinner saved by grace." He said, "Do you mean that?" and I said, "Yes, I do." Then he said, "I am going to see if you do," and he took up a small wine- glass and poured out a spoonful in the glass and said: "If you mean that, take that, and I will believe you." I said, "Now I want you to believe me; there is not one that I know of that I would drink this swallow of wine with but you" neither was there. Now I said, "Do you believe this?" and he said as he looked straight at me with a sober look on his face, "Yes, Mrs. Peterson, I believe what you say;" and from that moment to this 388 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD I have had that dear man's confidence and trust. That was seven years ago now, and he will tell you that he trusts me as he would his own mother. He has never asked me to drink with him since, and he has been with me on his knees praying God to make him a good man. He married the girl and he makes a good husband, and I believe as much as I believe that I will enter heaven by the grace of God that I will meet him there. When we were ready to go the girl kissed him good-bye and so did I. They are two of a good many who call me "Mamma." Several months after that he had a dream. He said he dreamed he was going down a deep, dark chasm and wanted to go back, but when he looked back the steps had separated into two parts and there were three steps in each part, and they were so far apart he could not reach them in any way and he could not go back. He said he dreamed that he thought he might as well go on, but the farther down he got the darker it got; it seemed he was lost, but he couldn't find any other way but to go on. He said he had not gone far after he realized his condition till he met me and I said, "Oh, Charlie, where are you going?" and he said he told me he did not know, and then I said to him: "Do you know you are going down to hell? Oh, do not go that way any farther, Charlie, but come and go back with me." He dreamed he told me he could not get back. He said he could see the steps so plain, and that we kept climbing up and up and at last we came to those steps. I took the lead Up the dark chasm and he followed me. When I got to the steps they were still apart and I knelt down and prayed, and he said after I prayed the steps came together and we went up them together. He dreamed he was so glad to get up out of that dark, deep chasm, that when he got to the top of the steps he woke up. It seemed so plain that he sat up in the bed and wondered if it could be true, and I said : "Yes, Charlie, this was true." He was so over- come when he was telling it that he wept like a child. He got up from the table and left the room. When he came back he said : "Mamma, I thought I would not tell of the dream till after dinner, but I couldn't keep it any longer." We were all in tears, but they were tears of joy. From that on lie was a different man. I cannot believe but that his name is written in the Lamb's book of life. When I saw that I had caught him with craftiness as Paul said, I said : "Now, Lord, I understand what Paul meant when he said to be all things to all men." I Cor. 9:22: "To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some." And this I do for the gospel's sake. By these two little acts these two precious souls were saved from the worst kind of hell in this life and the life to OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH j8p The other two that I had on my hands were not on my heart as these two were at that time, but have since been a dreadful burden. But I thank God she, too, has the victory. If I had not helped her only God knows where she would have been. She will say the same as she reads this book. How many husbands and wives who were separated God has used me to unite happily, and men and women who have lived together and lovers who could not understand one another yet seemed to love one another! This is why I have had so much experience on these lines. Both men and women have come to me with their hearts almost broken and would say to me : "You do not know anything about it." One woman was a victim to the desperate work of natural love. It required a year of bitter tears and struggling before she could say the Lord's will be done. There were times she was sick and pros- trate, and there was not one who knew the cause of her sickness but me. I have had these cases in my home when my neighbors would tell my daughter if I knew what they knew I would not have them in the house. What could I do? If I threw them out and told them to go, what would become of them? Oh, no, I could not, and I know God would be offended, for it was not his will that I should turn my back upon them when they had no one else to go to in this world as a friend or for comfort. I never did turn either man or woman away, no matter what they did, as long as I was convinced that I knew the purpose of their hearts. The Spirit would show me that every person who took a misstep was not a fallen man or woman, as looked upon by humanity. We must not call them all murderers because some have murdered. In that way there is a difference. But when it comes to sin, we have all sinned. There is no difference in sin, but there are different sins, and sin will shut us out of heaven. As Jesus said when he was here on earth, in Luke 13:1-4: "There were present at that season some that told him of the Galileans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices." Oh, we think what a dreadful thing that was! If it had happened in these days the law would have been after them and the papers would have been full of the crime of Pilate taking a lamb and a human being and mixing the blood of that person with the blood of the lamb as a sacrifice. You know our blood would chill at the thought of it. But Jesus, the all-seeing eye, can look into your heart, and my heart how we are away deep down in our hearts and see how we have for years gone after other gods and after the world. Sometimes our gods are our own wives and husbands, or home, or money. This is as much of a sin in our hearts before God as it was for those heathen to mingle human blood with the blood of a lamb as sacrifice. For what are we doing but trampling the blood of Christ under our 390 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD feet, mixing and mingling with the idols and gods in our hearts the great mercy of him who shed his blood on Calvary. Oh, repent ; confess Christ and walk in his steps and teach him to your chil- dren. How many mothers raise big families and never teach Christ to their boys and girls. If we have not taken the life of Christ upon ourselves, we surely are walking over the cross we are not carrying it. In the second verse of the same chapter, "Jesus answering, saic unto them, Suppose ye that these Galileans were sinners above all the Galileans, because they suffered such things?" 5th verse: "I tell ye, Nay; but, except ye repent, ye shall all like- wise perish." You see, they had never thought of their sins in the light that Christ showed them. To make this word more impres- sive he continued to say, in the 4th verse: "Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?" 5th verse: "I tell ye, Nay; but, except ye repent, ye shall all like- wise perish." So let us look at little sins and repent, for except we repent the sin is there. It may be so small that we are not able to see it ; but looking to God through Christ and the Holy Ghost, will convict you of it. The Lord never intended we should make a big ado over big sins and walk over or pay no attention to little ones. That is what the Lord warns us against straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel. When my neighbor said if I knew what she knew I would not have them in the house, like hundreds of others, she did not know me. I know if it had been her girl or boy that had done as bad or worse, she would not have turned them out. She would have talked to them as a good mother would do -just as I did with these children. Though they were grown, they were some mother's children, and they would always be children to their mothers. All I did was to take the place of their mothers with them. This enabled them to overcome evil and give themselves to the Lord. After I got these two married, I said : "I am ready to RO on with, my book," an'd began work on it. I had given up all but the jail work. One Sunday at church a dark-complected man wished to see me. I do not remember who the brother was that told me he wished to speak to me. I went back to where he was, and he said : "Is this Sister Peterson?" He then asked me if I remembered a man I got out of jail who had a broken nose. I told him I had gotten two or three out of jail who had broken noses, and I did not know which one he meant. Then he said he would like to talk with me alone. He said : "I am in trouble, and this man pointed you out to me and said he knew if any one could help me you could." * I told him I would be at the jail that afternoon; my time was all taken up and I could not see him before Monday morning, and ' OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 3QI nut then unless he came early, as I had an appointment and must fill it. He did not come Monday morning; but when I returned home I found he had called and left a note begging me to come to the hotel without fail and by no means to disappoint him. It was a pitiful note. But the day was dreadful warm, and I was so tired, and there was a black cloud gathering in the west, and if looked so much like rain, that I said : "I will not go." Then I read the note again and fl touched my heart. I said: "It would be dreadful for me to turn a deaf ear and that soul be lost." 1 had fully made up my mind not to do another thing for either man or woman or child, for I knew I could not and study and write my life as I should. I could not see him the next day, because I was going to Golden, a little village twelve miles from Denver, and would not be back till late. The clouds were gathering in the i. I thought perhaps I could get to the hotel before it began to fain. I put on my raincoat and got onto my wheel and started; hut the storm came before I was half way there and the rain poured down. I got real wet, but it did not hurt me. I took off my ulster, as it was dripping with rain, and hung it in the hall and went to this man's room. He told me his sad story, and asked more of me than I felt able to do, but I saw he was almost out of his mind. He was meditating on taking his own life. I took away from him Numc morphine that was on the stand, and made him a promise that would give him hope, telling him I would see what I could do after I returned from Golden. I did not like the spirit that was about him and the effect of his presence upon my heart. He told me he had once been a minister of the gospel ; but he was a tramp now, if there is such a thing. Surely he was a prodigal and far away from God, even more so than the prodigal of old, for he had once been a servant of God and, as God says, his "last condition was worse than his first." I could not keep my eyes off his dirty white shirt. I did not mind the dirt so much, but it was stained with tobacco juice, and it hurt me to think that a servant of God would get so low as to defile his temple and his clothes with that dirty weed. I could not get the heart to promise him anything, yet I did. On my way home I asked the Lord to forgive me for those evil thoughts and let me see this man's soul and not his looks. I said: "Lord, it may be myself and not him that makes me feel as I do; but, Lord, you know my heart. It makes no difference to me how humanity looks upon him or what he has done, if you want me to help him out some way." Still I could not feel the interest in my heart, and then this scripture came to me I Sam. 16:7: "But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him : for the Lord seeth not as man seeth ; for man 3Q2 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." And I said : "Lord, I want you to do the seeing for me and lead me." I had not in all the twenty years had an experience like this one. When he told me his story it did not affect my heart as much as his note did. There was something about his words that seemed cold and icy, and the feeling kept coming to me that the Lord had refused him. He was the only one I had ever met in all my life that I really felt God had refused, and I said : "Lord, let me know as you did Samuel, and I will not do anything." I told him to come Wednesday afternoon. Still I had this same feeling, and I said to myself: "Surely I have back- slidden on this one line." I thought it might be that the Lord did not lead me because I had so fully made up my mind not to do anything outside of my iibook and the study of the bible. I thought I had sinned by making up my mind in my own strength and not recognizing God enough in the resolution. My mind was so undecided and; I could get no leading, that I asked the Lord to reveal to me what I ought to do. And what do you think came to me? Now notice; I had not heard one word about him, good or bad. He was ;a stranger to me in every way. That night I dreamed he came into the kitchen and I was on my knees scrub- bing the floor. I looked up, and there he stood, in his shirt sleeves, with no vest or coat on, and his suspenders hanging down off his shoulders. I said: "My brother, why did you come in here like this?" Then, in" the dream, the words came to me, "A whore- monger," and I thought I asked the Lord if he was a whore- monger, and I woke up. I wondered again if it was him or if my heart was not right, and yet I could not make up my mind that it was me. All the next day, while I was at Golden, I could not get this dream out of my mind. 1 had gone up with a couple who were to be married there. I asked God to show me the same dream again, if the man was that; and I dreamed it the second time, plainer than before. I was again down on my knees scrubbing, but it was shown to me what the scrubbing meant humility. After my hard work for that man he humiliated -me by talking scandalously about me. As I said, I was scrubbing, and this time my feet were against the door and he crowded in, pushing my feet as he came through the door. I dreamed I got up and said : "This is no way for you to do." As I said this he held out his arms to me, and \the same word came again "whoremonger" and I woke up. I said: "Lord, this is from you. Surely you have refused him, and you have shown me, as you did Samuel, to have nothing to do with him." When he came Wednesday afternoon I told him I could do nothing for him and I never saw such a look of despair pass OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 393 over anyone's face as came over his. I thought it would crush him when I told him I could not do anything for him. I could not help watching his face, as the expression spoke more to me than words. Still my heart was rot moved and I let him go, and even bade him good-bye. As I was hooking the screen door the thought came to me that I had not prayed with him. Almost the first thing the Lord leads me to do is to pray, but it did not come to me till he was outside the door. I felt so bad to think I had forgotten to pray that my heart condemned me, so I said, "Come back, and let us pray." I could see that, no matter what he had done, his heart was surely crushed. We knelt down and prayed. After I prayed I asked him to pray. I never saw any one in my life struggle to get hold of God as he did, and I said: "Dear Lord, bear with him, and do bless him, and let me help him this once." His clothes looked so shabby and dirty. As we rose from our knees I said: "Brother R , I will help you out this one time, if you will only stand as a Christian and win souls for the Lord." I could not get over a minister of the gospel getting down like this with no one to help him, so 1 told him to meet me at the postoffice at 2 o'clock and I would send twenty-^five dollars to Pueblo for his clothes ; they were held there for room rent- and board. In a few days the trunk came. He had two good suits of clothes and an ^overcoat and other things that were worth a great deal more than twenty-five dollars. In a day or two I had him fixed up so you would not know him. He would pray and ask a blessing at the table and promise so faithfully that he would be a different man. These hardships, he said, had. taught him a lesson he would never forget. In order to give him a start in the work I began the cottage prayer-meetings again, two a week. I thought he could get the Spirit by leading those meetings, and it wouldn't be long till he could start out as a soul-winner for God and I could return to the work I had promised God I would do. We had three or four prayer-meetings, and some way he did not take hold as I wanted to see him. I said: "Brother R -, I want you to get down to business. I have led those prayer-meetings long enough and I want you to take them off my hands. If I had known you were not going to take any interest in them I never would have gone to the trouble I have." I had already fixed up a room (for him and was doing his washing and he was eating at my house, and I knew it was time he was looking out for him- self; that he had had time enough, if Jiis heart was right, for God to help him. One day he showed me a note from a woman, and then I knew why he had the spirit about him that he had. I went to work and put a stop to that. Then he got acquainted with a young girl from Brother Gravett's church, and Brother Gravett 394 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD headed him off on that, and he had to turn his thoughts in another direction. I had been praying for the money that I had let him have out of the hundred dollars I had gotten from my father. To keep Mr. Peterson from knowing I had loaned the money, I took paper and rolled it in with the bills, so that the roll was as large as before I took the money out. Every pay day I borrowed the money from my grocery man till Mr. Peterson counted it, then I returned it. I also borrowed several times from my niece's hus- band for that purpose, for I had taken the Lord for security and I knew it would come out all right. I did it just to avoid trouble, for it was nothing dishonest. It was my own money. I did noc even have a fright to my own money Without trouble, so I took this means to help this poor man. I knew I had gotten back the money every time before, and I was sure I would this time. Yet the thought would come that perhaps the Lord would punish me in that way for not heeding my dream, but I prayed just the same. Soon a brother came to me and said: "I would like to help Brother R , and I will give you fifteen dollars." Perhaps you think I did not thank him, but I thanked God more; and I took courage to pray for the other ten. One day a letter came from a little -town near Leadville with ten dollars in it, telling me to use the money as I saw fit. That made up the twenty-five dollars, and how glad I was, for Mr. Peterson always knew just how much money we had, and to satisfy him I always gave him an account of what I spent. Brother R said as soon as he got the Spirit he would go to work, and the first money he got I should have. The Lord knew he never intended to pay me, so he provided a way himself. Some might say: "You were not right in taking the money as you did." I knew I was right, and I have the bible to ;back me in it, for my heart was honest. I did not intend to use that money and not get it back. It was not for an evil pur- pose, but for a good one. It only meant sacrifice to me. That money was as much mine as it was Mr. Peterson's. So many think a woman has not right to the purse-strings. People looking at it in that way would say it was his money. Now, stop to think. When a single man draws his month's wages he cannot say the money is his till he goes to the hotel and pays not only for the food he jeats, but he must pay the cook; and he must pay the washerwoman for washing his clothes, and he must pay enough so she can live while she is doing his work; he must pay his room rent, not only for the room, but he must pay enough to support the chambermaid. You see, he keeps three in the family, in order to keep himself the cook, the washerwoman, and the chambermaid; yet you never hear that single man contending with these three women as to what they do with their money. But let him get OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 395 married and he will contend with the one woman about what she should spend of the money that would make up for the three women, though he has been keeping those three women for years>, to say nothing of the mending of his clothes. A saving wife will make a pair of socks, or shirt, or underwear last as long after they need mending as they did before. Gentlemen, if you do not believe this to be true, go to your dear old white-haired mother, who has had years of experience, and she will tell you the same. Not half of the young stylish housewives of today can you go to and obtain an answer to that question. They throw garments away as soon as they are a little worn. They haven't time to mend them. It takes all their time to keep up with the styles. When you compel your wife to give an account of every five-cent piece, and say the money is yours, you make of her a slave, and deny her the rights of a man or woman who works for wages. This helps to bring on the pale face and care-worn look. It is not work that causes her health to fail ; it is care and anxiety and responsibility nor work. God knows it is not. If it was work, why did it not take the bloom from her cheek before marriage? It does not take the healthy look from a man's face to labor. I say no it is not work. There must be some other reason for so many pale-faced women. Unhappiness is one of the main causes ; an unhappy mind is worse than any disease of the body. The woman has a king over her, and she is his slave the one he calls his wife. She does what it has taken three women to do, besides taking care of the babies day and night. She cannot come and go, and do, and be a free moral agent. She is over the cook-stove or washtub, or sewing or mending, or looking after the children. If she has a chance to go out for a change that would encourage her, her husband is angry about it if she goes too often or stays too long. Do you know that? I know more than one man who is glad that his wife has children so fast that she can't get out. I have the first man to see who will stay home and let his wife go. Tell me your wife does not become a slave! I would not say so much about this if I could see even one husband nourishing and cherishing his wife and giving her the love and interest that she demands in order to keep up under these duties. If he would, her life would not become a burden. Treat her as a wife or mother, not as a waiter or slave. Can you not see that, like Moses, she is wearing av.ay in a good cause? God is not pleased with such work. The work of a wife and mother should be the joy of her life. The Lord says every one should bear his own burden, and it is right they should; but when we are the cause of others having burdens, then Christ tells us we should bear one another's burdens. There is no one in this world more in need of some one to help her bear her 396 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD burdens than a wife and mother. Who should be the one? The husband, for he is the cause of the burden. He thinks he does when he labors all day ; but I have tried to make it plain that more than this is required. I have often said if there was such a thing as one working their way to heaven, or works getting us into heaven, it would be the mother one who had raised from five to seven or more children. Her reward should be greater than that of any other, except a soul-winner for God. Her crown shoull outshine the crowns of any in that haven of rest; and any man who cannot see this and live it should by no means have a wife. The man who will be gentle, kind and self-sacrificing one who will live such a life as that will have a happy home, for God surely would bless him in this life whether he was converted or not. This is why I took the twenty-five dollars. I have done this but two or three times, when really I felt it a case of necessity ; and I pity a Christian who cannot trust the Lord in a case like that. I can trust him with my soul, and I surely can with my pocketbook. I know that is the most tender place with the majority, unless it is their lust, and they would hang before they would acknowledge that. The only way to have happy homes is to go to God, even after you are converted, to be complete in this experience that I have been telling you of. I Thess. 4:3: "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornica- tion." This blessing will take out all selfishness and lusts and desires of the world. Then doctor books would not have to advise people to imitate the lower animals. We ought to be ashamed that doctors should deem it necessary to advise the human race to take the animal for an example. You will find this in the doctor book called "The Searchlight; or, Light on Dark Corners." If we take Christ and his blessing, we will not have to take animals as an example, and wives can be a blessing to their husbands and hus- bands to their wives, and not a burden. Another reason I did not say anything about the twenty-five dollars : the Lord tells us not to let the right hand know what the left hand does. When Nehemiah went up to view the walls of Jerusalem he had to go by night and not let anyone know any- thing about it; if he had, it only meant trouble. When Gideon obeyed the call of God he did not dare to let his own family know it till he had done the will of God. Afterward it was all right with Gideon's father, and so it will be with Mr. Peterson, and that is why I am writing it in this book. When some of the chil- dren of God were taken prisoners, did not the king's servant take food, unbeknown to the king, off the king's table to feed the chil- dren of God? Did not the Lord himself do things without an explanation, even to his own mother? When I can give the word OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 397 of God where he says not to put confidence in the one who lies in your own bosom, and as long as I have been honest and right in all my dealings toward Mr. Peterson, and I know from God's word that my own heart is right before him, I can go ahead doing the will of God with a clear conscience and a heart like Paul in Rom. 8:1: "There is therefore now no condemnation." I will go on and finish my story. I will tell you how I was rewarded for helping this man. I saw he would not do anything for himself in Denver, for the women were in his way, and he was willing they should be. It was even as God had warned me in the dream. I said : "Is it possible that this is the second time I have met a whoremonger, and the only one I ever had any dealings with?" I wonder yet if such a thing could be possible; but I have had to suffer every time I disobeyed the leadings of the Lord, and it has taken me longer to learn this lesson than any other in my Christian life. Though Brother R meant it to me for evil when he persecuted me, God worked it out for my good, for he keeps us in the hollow of his hand, and I would like to know where the man or woman is who can harm us. When I could not get him to take any interest in the prayer-meetings, I thought if we could get him out of Denver perhaps he would do better and would get his mind off of women ; so I got him minister's rates and gave him a recommendation to Doctor Clark, he promising me that he would explain his weak- nesses when he got up there and that he would let women alone! I asked the Doctor to give him a helping hand. In about two weeks he came back to Denver, one Saturday afternoon. I was getting ready to go to one of my appointments in the mountains, and as I was packing my valise he came in. I told him where I was going, and nothing would do ,but that I must go and help him with a meeting he had been holding in one of the little moun- tain towns ; he thought that in four or five days' meeting there would be a wonderful harvest reaped for the Lord. I was not led to go; something seemed to hold me. While I was dressing he got my daughter and a lady stopping with me to persuade me to go up there with him and help him finish the meeting. I thought maybe I could do more good there than to go where I intended. But again I found that I could not take a step and have success without being led of the Lord. I wonder how it is that others can go on as they do and hardly know whether they are led of the Spirit or not and never get into any trouble. I could see this brother was very uneasy. Before we were half way there he said: "Sister Peterson, you must not tell anyone up there that I am a married man." I said: "Brother R , are you ashamed that you are married? I don't know why you should be, 398 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD but that is none of my business, and I am not going up there to tell people about your affairs." I was satisfied before the train stopped that there was something wrong. While I was getting ready I was led to take my scrapbook with me, which contained clippings from the papers and an account of a good deal of my work. In this I knew I was prompted by the Spirit, for it came repeatedly to me. I said : "Lord, I will not need that ; I have never taken it to my meetings, but I will take it," and I learned afterward why. Before we got to the mountain town he told me of a young girl who played the organ. I said to him: "Brother R , it seems to me you have not your mind very much on the meeting." Then he turned the conversation on something else, in order to keep me from giving him a dressing-down, for I had already given him two good talkings. I could see women were his curse. We stopped at Brother T 's, a lovely Christian family, and before breakfast the next morning I could see something was the matter. I said : "Lord, help me to keep my mouth shut, for I do not want to get in trouble up here among strangers." We got through with the meeting all right over Sunday, but I could see that one of the women in the audience avoided me. I thought perhaps I might be mistaken. I knew I had not said anything, and did not intend to, for I feared to injure the meetings, and I was going to do my part to make them a success. Sunday evening the landlady of the hotel asked me to stay all night with her. I did so, and the next morning she asked me if Brother R had a family if he was a married man. I could not say no, neither could I refuse to . tell her, for that would start suspicion right away. I knew it was nothing that would harm him if he was right, and I said : "Yes, he has a wife and two or three children." When I went over to Sister T 's for dinner I told her the same, for 1 knew Sister M would tell her. Sister T asked if he was not divorced. I said: "His wife does not talk like it in her letters, as I have seen some of them." That is all I said. It was told me that he had told this woman not to say anything to me, for I was jealous of him and might make him trouble. I could not but be surprised that he would think I would tell a falsehood for him, when I would not for myself or even try to straighten any- thing to keep from suffering. I knew if he was right he wouldn't care who knew he was married. This talk that I was jealous of him was soon all over the mining camp. The same afternoon two sisters of the church came in and asked me if I had lived on the North Side in Denver. I told them I had not for years; that it was a country place, and I tonly had two neighbors. They told me they knew a lady who said she lived next door to me on the North Side, and told me her name. I said I did not know anyone OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 399 of that name, and she surely was mistaken in the person. They said no, that she knew me. I said: "Surely I should know my next door neighbor." They, of course, believed this woman, and I did not blame them, for I was a stranger to them, and they had as much right to believe her as me. However, they told me they did not like Brother R ; that he was too crazy to get married to suit them. They told Sister T they liked me, only they thought there was something wrong because I denied living next door to this woman. The difference between this woman and myself was, she was mistaken and I was not. When this story got out they believed it, and they went to Sister T and her husband about me, but they told them I was right and that Brother R was the one that was wrong; that I had shown no spirit of jealousy, and they would not believe it. Sister T came to me and told me (and may God bless that dear sister and her husband for the way they stood by me, for they were strangers) God would not let her believe this thing and she knew she was doing wrong if she did not defend me. Then I thought of the scrapbook, and could see why the Lord led me to take it. She gave the book to those two women. They took it home with them, and they were sat- isfied that Brother R was the one who was doing wrong and that I was not jealous of him. The school board notified Brother T that Brother R could not hold meetings any longer but that I could. I held a few evenings, but closed the meeting, seeing the people did not have the right spirit for a revival. I thanked the Lord that I obeyed the Spirit when he led me to take the scrapbook. It was all that saved me from being treated by the people as he was. Before I left I told Brother T and his wife what I had done for this man; how he had gotten in jail at Pueblo, and how I had tried to help him onto his feet. It would have been all right if there had been one in the camp who knev me, but they were all strangers to me. I told them how he had hunted for three days in Denver to find me. I have already told you it was always Christians who injured me not the harlot, drunkard, tramp, 'or jailbirds. My broad experience with the human race convinces me that there are worse sins than drink or that of the harlot, and among them is the deceit- ful tongue in the mouth of the professed Christian. It seems they are determined to indulge in this sin if they know it will send them to hell. Talk to me of a drunkard ! I know it to be true, and the world knows it to be a fact, that while God said, "Do not drink," he also said, "Do not speak evil one of another," and not to^ judge, to let everything alone till the Lord comes. Paul told Timothy, in I Tim. 4:16, to take heed to himself; if he lived right then he would be able to save them that heard him. You see, Timothy did 4OO THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD not try to get them right by talking about them. That kind of work is from the bottomless pit of hell. There are more going to hell by that route than by the whisky route. "ONE WHO HAS SUFFERED. "Gossip is a humming-bird with eagle wings and a voice like a fog-horn. It can be heard from Dan to Beersheba and has caused more trouble than all the bedbugs, ticks, fleas, rattlesnakes, sharks, sore toes, cyclones, earthquakes, blizzards, smallpox, yellow fever, gout and indigestion that this great United States have known or will know when the universe shuts up shop and begins the final invoice. In other words, it has got war and hell both backed up in the corner yelling for ice water." Guernsey, Wyo., Gazette. God says if you look on a woman to lust after her you commit a dreadful sin. Let us go to God for pure hearts and pure minds, that we may have pure children, for the nearest thing to heaven is a home with children. Why? Because children will be foun,1 in heaven, and except we repent and become as little children we will in no wise enter the kingdom of heaven. ,We are not only to become as little children, but God wants us to stay so pure-minded. Christ placed a child in the midst of them and said: "Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." I thank God for all the experiences of my life, for I could not have been in a condition to write this book if I had not suffered as I have. I want to speak of this to show you the difference between the church and the world. When I got my wheel to save walking my feet off, the church made remarks about my skirt because it came to my shoe- tops, and the world had nothing to say about it, but was glad that I had a wheel and complimented me on my skirt. This is the difference between the church and the world. The church members have been after me ever since I went into the church. Even those who have worked with me have been accused of rejoicing and saying "Amen" and "Praise the Lord" because I did. Their evil thoughts show plainly that they have not the spirit of God. I often wonder if Christians do have the knowledge of God's word or believe what he says. In Num. 12 :8, 9, he asked them if they were not afraid to speak evil of his servant Moses, and he said his anger was kindled against them. The educated and uneducated have not hesitated to speak against the servants of God. I would not say one word if it was only me that suffers from Christians; and may they take heed to God's word after reading this book. If they do not take heed of one word that I have said, may they remem- ber the scripture. The Lord tells them in Heb. 12:15: "Looking OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 4<>l diligently, lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up, trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." You see, we can fail of the grace of God by displeasing one another, by speaking evil one of another. If those talked about are not laden with grace, the root of bitterness will spring up and they will have bitterness in their hearts. What is the result? Many are defiled and the church has filthiness and dirt. They are all defiled, and that by their own tongues. I Cor. 15:34: "Awake to righteousness, and sin not; for some have not the knowledge ot God. I speak this to your shame." They do not know their sin, because they have not looked into the word of God. They go ahead grudging one another, when he has told them not to (James 5:9), lest they should be consumed. They do not seem to know the judge is at the door, and they inside sitting in the judgment chair. They just put themselves there by their own tongue and do not know it. And when you tell them they are not right and that it is wrong for them to bite and devour one another, lest they be consumed, as God tells them in Gal. 5:15, they will tell you they do not feel that it is wrong. That is all they can go by, for they do not know. If we know God tells us not to do this or that, how can we help being condemned, unless we are like the man in James 1:23, 24? He no more than read what God says till he forgot it. God said in Lev. 9:24 that all the people shouted not only one or two, but all. What made them shout? Fire. And if we have the fire we will shout. They saw the fire. In Acts 2:3 the fire came and sat on them. I would imagine there was a great deal of dif- ference in seeing a fire and having the fire on you or being in the fire. If seeing the fire would cause all the people to shout, what would stop them from shouting if the fire is on them? Does not the Lord tell us we will be baptized with fire? In Luke 3:16 John the Baptist says one mightier than he cometh, who "shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire." How wrong, wicked, even cruel it is to try and stop one that is in the fire from shout- ing, and to talk about him and make fun of him because he is making a noise. In Gal. 5:15-26 Paul was talking to these people as men and not spiritually. He was telling them how to over- come the flesh, to get sanctified. Those whom the flesh is overcom- ingI care not how much they profess or testify to sanctification are not sanctified. When this work begins in them they grow and develop, till this work is completed. Then they abound and are ready to go on to perfection. But when all tangled up with the flesh, as this Brother R was, it is time for us to begin to get out of that condition before we can do anything for the Lord. Anyway, I felt sorry for him, because I could see he was a victim to the sin of the flesh, and nothing short of this experience could 26 402 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD save him. I was the one who helped put the preacher's coat on him, and I thought it was my place to take it off till he became strong enough to wear it. When I did this he did me all the harm he could, like all the rest of the undeserving Christians, who think they can build themselves up by casting a shadow upon me; but every time they have failed. This preacher thought he could suc- ceed at it, and perhaps would, had it not been for the scrapbook. The Lord will provide a way for his true-hearted children, that they may be able to stand, if it is only to stand upon a scrapbook. He will provide a way in every sense of the word, if we look to him and trust him and be led by him. I would not have said any- thing if he had not gone all over the camp and compelled me to give the people an explanation. He judged me according to him- self. He thought I would talk about him, and his idea was to get ahead of me in talking. This is a poor plan; but give the devil rope enough and he will hang himself, and you, too, if you are not careful. Every bit of my persecution has been through jeal- ousy and envy. This is what I have suffered from. When I suf- fered that from the ,mission, God put it into the heart of Sister Worthiam to take hold of the tent work and put it through. I could not have done that if it had not been for her, for I was a poor hand at that work. My calling was preaching. That time it was the tent that protected me, and this time God used the scrap- book. So Brother R left this place and went to Boulder, and made Brother Clark believe that I was in the wrong. Then he came to Denver to finish his work. He took a paper or a peti- tion and wanted the people to sign it, stating that he was a good Christian gentleman in their presence. He knew who to go to for names. But few of them read the paper, and those who did would not sign it, for it was against me and contained statements they could not sign truthfully. Several who had not read it put their names down. After getting these names to the petition, he went back to this mountain town and tried to establish himself with the people. I had not made any effort to convince the people of my goodness, any more than I had at any other time, for God told the children of Israel in Deut. 9 14, 5 : "Speak not thou in thine heart, after that the Lord thy God hath cast them out from before thee, saying, For my righteousness the Lord hath brought me into possession of this land: but for the wickedness of those nations the Lord doth drive them out from before thee." I did not know anything about this petition of Brother R till Sister T sent me a letter from the mining camp telling me what they had already done. I thought of this dear woman he was trying to deceive, and said this will never do. I went to Brother Gravett and he gave a letter, and Brother Uzzell gave me another, and OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 4Q3 sent five letters of persons who had signed the paper not knowing its contents, requesting that their names be taken off from that petition or any other paper that would injure me. I sent those to Sister T , telling her to show them to the woman he was trying to deceive, and then to return them to me. Following is Brother Uzzell's letter: "To whom it may concern: This is to certify that Mrs. Rachel Peterson has been a member of the Tabernacle for years, and 1 have the utmost confidence in her integrity and sincerity, and would not hesitate to take her word at any time. "Respectfully, THOMAS A. UZZELL." This is what I had to do to save this woman, not myself. This is Brother Gravett's letter: "DEAR SISTER: Mrs. Peterson has shown me your letter in regard to Brother R . Her care of him was exceedingly kind. I feared he was unworthy and warned her. I was compelled to warn one of my members against him. I learned irom her that he was too familiar with her for so short an acquaintance. He is a married man and his wife urges him to return to her. The report concerning Mr3. Peterson being jealous of him is too ridicu- lous for reference. Sincerely, JOSHUA GRAVETT, "Pastor Galilee Baptist Church." Again disappointed in his plans, he returned to Denver, and it was not long till he left for the East. I received a letter from him several months afterward asking me to forget everything and come down there and hold a meeting. I never answered the letter. After he failed he came back here and slandered me to some of the members of the Tabernacle. He told Sister H , who I believe has great confidence in me and is one of the leading workers at the Tabernacle, that I was the same to him as a husband was to his wife, and I wanted to go and hold meetings with him till Mr. Peterson died and then marry him, and that was why I was jeal- ous of him and did as I did. In a few days I got a letter from Doctor C , and these are the words he wrote : "MRS. R. W. PETERSON My Dear Sister in Christ: It is with A sad heart that I write this letter, but with a prayer that it will help you to see what spirit you are of. I went to Denver with Brother to find out the truth of this trouble. I am very sorry to find without a doubt that you are the guilty one. God help you to see your heart as God sees it, and then may God give you grace to confess and repent. I did not go to your enemies, but to your own sisters in Christ. Six of them all told the same story; 4O4 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD just as Brother R said, that you were jealous. You will never get into heaven unless you make these things right. I hope and pray that you will die to self, and live to Christ alone. What a power you would be if you would give up all and follow Christ. It will pay you to heed what Paul said, keep under your body. If you do not overcome the lust of the flesh you will become a cast- away after you have preached to others. May you give up your way and take God's way and be saved. God says be sure your sins will find you out. May you find them out and repent of them. 1 want to be a peacemaker and a soul-winner. Do you? If so, get right with God. If you will do what is right God will forgive, and so will we. If you will not make wrongs right, then I believe it is some one's duty to expose you to the public. May God give you grace to do right. I will pray for you. From your brother in Christ, E. C. C." Now remember, I never would have taken it up if it hadn't been for this woman being deceived. I had other letters that 1 would have liked to put in this book, but they were stolen from me and destroyed. All I did with these letters was to spread them before the Lord as Hezekiah did those he received from his ene- mies. You can see from this letter some believed me to be jealous. I have tried to find the six sisters but have not been able to find them yet. I may be able to find them at the bar of God. You see from this letter there are Christians today who think they are doing the will of God as did the friends of Job, when they came to him trying to tell him what he should do; and they come in the name of God, thinking they are doing right. Oh, if we could only learn before it is too late that religion is to mind our own business ! While I was tending to mine, others thought they knew better how, and made my home a hell ; but I thank God I had a solid foundation, even Jesus Christ. Though the storms were rough and rugged, the ship Zion stood the storm; and of course I was in the ship, and Jesus Christ the captain, and I did not go down, thank God. I will say a little more about the fire of the Holy Ghost. As I said, it would be wrong and even cruel to make light of one that was in the fire. You know if you had any kind of a heart yo' 1 would feel sorry and fear if one would shout "Fire !" even if you were not interested. When the fire came out from the Lord, as it is spoken of in ILev. 9:24, and I knew the Lord was consuming all I had given him all my offerings and I shouted, they did not even feel sorry for me, but called me a fool and crazy. Some, of the members said I spoiled the sermon for them, and others laughed, and some sneered and turned up their noses like a bulldog just OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 405 before he begins to fight. They would have put me out if they had had their way, and all because of the fire. I knew of some getting out of the church because of a little fire. It made them nervous. I wonder if they were nervous for fear the fire might come from the Lord and burn up something that they had not laid on the altar; they did not know what was the matter, and they called it nervousness. What they wanted was a little fire to strengthen their nerves, and they did not even know that. They know there is something the matter with the people who have the fire, but they do not know what it is, because they do not read the word of God to find out. Think of it, my dear reader. There was fire before Christ and there was fire after Christ, and there is no place I have found in the bible where God says the fire has gone out ; and if it has not gone out, then it must still be burning some- where ; and when people see or realize it, what are they to do but shout? Why should they have to hold their feelings? Are we all such tender Christians that it hurts us to be called fools and made fun of? Oh, let us stop, and let us shout! It would not do half the harm, because God tells us to shout. Josh. 6:16: "Joshua said unto the people, Shout; for the Lord hath given you the city" he gave them victory. There is a time to shout, and that is when you know or realize you have got something to shout about. If you are not overcoming the world, do not shout. If you do it will be wrong, for in the loth verse of the same chapter Joshua told them not to shout. The reason a good many of the people do not shout is they cannot. The Holy Spirit will not be in the shout, for they have nothing to shout for, and if they did it would be nothing but mockery before God. Get your hearts right, and then do as God tells you in Ps. 100:1, 2, make a joyful noise unto the Lord, and serve the Lord with gladness. There are plenty of people who do not like to make a noise, though they feel like it and can from the heart. They are afraid the people will do as they did with David. Some of them will say they do not like a noisy religion, when they mean they hate it; but it does not sound nice to say hate, and they put it in a milder way and say they do not like shouting. They are not honest enough to say they hate it, and have it written down in a book as Saul's daughter did. II Sam. 6:16: "And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal, Saul's daughter, looked through a window, and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart." I do not know whether she was a church member or not, but I do advise every one from the depths of my heart to try giving away to the Spirit. If you feel like shouting, shout and rejoice, because God says it pleases him. I only wish it was different, and that people did not have these 406 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD feelings in regard to the people of God expressing their heart's joy. The devil has used this means of tempting me so many times never to have any dealings with the people religiously, saint or sinner; but since I have understood the scripture as God intended me to, that feeling has no more hold on me. I often wondered if the Lord ever was tempted in that way. I believe there were times when he had those feelings, for you know he would go away by himself. I have wondered, when he found the crazy man among the tombs, if he did not take more comfort out there with the dead than with the living, for not even the disciples under- stood him. He was alone, as far as the people understanding him. In all my experience I did not feel that the scripture was as much of a mystery, for God tells us when we read we may understand his mystery in the knowledge of Christ. (Ep'h. 3:4.) In Eph. 5:32, Paul says this is a great mystery, and in I Tim. 3:16, "with- out controversy, great is the mystery of godliness." To learn the mystery of godliness in a way that we can live and talk and not bring up strife or contention or differences that would injure us or hinder us spiritually, is indeed a great mystery. God would have us live such a life that we may not offend in word, and this we cannot do without getting into the mysteries of god- liness. In II Pet. 3 :i6, speaking of the epistles of Paul, Peter says there are some things hard to be understood, which the unlearned do wrest unto their own destruction. We have no busi- ness to wrest the scripture, even if we do not understand it. Though it is hard to be understood, we ought to accept it, because it is God's word, and wait for the experience that will enable us to understand it. To refuse it means destruction, for God says so. In the I7th verse he says: "Seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness." So with all of this knowledge there is dangei of our falling. I think the more knowledge we receive the more it behooves us to beware, because Satan is about, seeking whom he may devour. Now we know he is not after the world, for he already has it. He does not have to seek after worldly people. He is seeking for us, and through the weakness of the flesh, if we are not constantly on our guard, he will be sure in some way to cause us to get away from that steadfastness. Though these things are hard to be understood, they are under- stood by some. I knew this feeling I had of wanting to get away from the living was because this was a mystery to me, how these people were to get inlo heaven. Col. 1:26: "The mystery which hath been hid from ages, and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints." I said: "Lord, who are your saints, if this is only made known to your saints?" And this verse came OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 407 to me (I Cor. 1:2): "Them that are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints." Then I claimed the promise, and said : "Lord, you know I have finished the work of sanctification ; the last thing I had I gave you, which was obedience." Though I am on the bottom rung of the saints, he does show me the great mys- tery, that I may not fall from my steadfastness. I knew if these mysteries were for any one they were for me, and I felt that I was his saint, whether any one else knew it or not. I didn't icare whether anyone thought me to be that or not, as long as I knew in my heart God had accepted me in that experience. I made up my mind to understand the mysteries, and to my joy the Lord enlightened me by the Holy Ghost, through his word. I was not satisfied to know myself, but I wanted the Lord to show me in such a plain way that I could tell others, for he says, in Eph. 3 :p, to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery. I knew there were more than me stumbling over such Christians, and I knew such Christians were only stumbling-blocks to sinners, and I just felt the Lord must tell me and help me understand. The light began to dawn upon me, and by the help of the Holy Ghost I will try to make it plain so the minds that are spiritual may see and those that are babes in Christ can understand. CHAPTER XXIV. THE OLD MAN AND THE NEW MAN. WE carry about with us two different men, two different spirits ; the old man is the natural man, and the new man is the spiritual man. May God open the eyes of our understanding that we may understand in a spiritual sense, that we may not be stumbling-blocks to others. Col. 3:9: "Have put off the old man." You know how he had control of your heart, and there was but the one man. One might say: "Where is the other man? Did you not say there are two men, the old and the new?" Yes; but the new man is not born yet. The new man is the man who comes into the heart after you repent and believe. That is when you are born again, or converted, some call it. He is not a very strong man, for he has just been born and must be fed, and in Col. 3:10 we are told how to feed the new man with knowledge in order for him to grow. You must tend to feeding him : and as he gets the word of God he begins to grow. As you get the knowledge of the bible, and -live it and be a doer of the word as God tells us, the new man begins to grow and become strong, and you can feel he is growing. You will feel the strength and how determined you will be to do right! One may ask, What has become of the old man? He is not far off. You know when 408 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD Christ was born he was born in the stable, but after he was cruci- fied he overcame the world, the flesh and the devil. He went from the stable to the throne at the right hand of God, and he went by the way of the cross through the garden. When he comes into our hearts by faith, he will not go into the stable again ; but when we are born again he omes by faith and dwells by faith in our hearts. When he was in the stable the natural man was in the house, but the tables have turned now. He comes and dwells in us that is, in the spiritual man that is born in us, the new man. Christ is the new man, and the new man is in us that is, the house. You still ask me where the old man is. Well, he did not move very far, just out into the stable. Then you ask, "Where is the stable?" The flesh. "Why do you call the flesh the stable?" Do you not stop to think the old man must have some place to live ; that he is not crucified? He has only been put off, as shown in Col. 3:9. He has not been killed, neither is there any account of his dying. You Jcnow he is living some place from the way he makes you feel. There are times he makes you feel as mean as you ever did before you were converted, and reason will tell you that he is not very far away. You know the old man could not get inside of the spiritual man, for the new man is a spiritual man. Well, then, the old man must be dwelling in the flesh, from what Paul said in Rom. 7:17, 18: "Now then it is no more I that do it. but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing." We know the flesh is corrupt and full of disease and sin. That is why 1 compare the flesh to a kind of a stable, for a stable is not the sweetest, or cleanest, or most pleasant of places. The bible is filled with many directions how to get the filth out and to encourage us to get rid of the filth of the flesh ; so we must compel the old man to make another move. As long as the horse is in the stable you will have filth to clean out; but get the horse out, and clean and scrub, and open the doors and windows, and move all the old trash away, and little by little the scent will leave the stable. Some- times it takes a long time. It is so with us. It takes a long time for us to get any way fit for heaven. We are so slow to obey and live the truth and walk in the Lord's footsteps. Paul said in Rom. 7:18: "For to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good, I find not." You see, he had the will to do, to be good and kind. I suppose he got angry and out of patience, for he said Tie found he could not. Some say Paul is talking about his experience before he was converted. Oh, no; that could not be. If you remember he says he thought he was doing his duty; that it was ignorance; that he did not know. In Rom. 7:15 he says: "For that which I do, I allow not: for what I would, OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 409 that do I not; but what I hate, that do I." What he wanted to do he did not, and it could not have been when he was persecuting the children of God, for he wanted to do that; and the things that he hated or would not do now he was doing then. You know, my converted one, when we start out, and for years after that, we do things we are sorry for and ask God to forgive us. In Rom. 7:24, Paul says he was wretched and inquires who should deliver him from the body of this death. Gal. 4:13, 14, shows plainly enough that he was talking of his experience after his conversion (for he is talking the same as in Rom. 7:13): "Ye know how through infirmity of the flesh I preached the gospel unto you at the first" showing that he had a different experience now than he did at first. Yet so many think they get everything at once. Oh, no ; we must get the same experience Paul had. He said he had the filth of the flesh, or the infirmity of the flesh at first, showing he had overcome the infirmity of the flesh and the temptations. Even up to this time he said he had to watch that he be not a castaway after he had preached the gospel to others. This shows that the old man is only dead in this way Rom. 8:10: "If Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin ; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness." Paul says in Rom. 8:1: "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit;" showing those who yield to the things of the flesh that the old man is there, and they are not the ones that are in Christ Jesus. This verse says there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. What does that mean only that we resist the ways of the flesh, the feelings that come to us to yield that we do not act upon them. When Christians do not live as God tells them, or are doing things they ought not, are they not walking after the flesh? Are they not living as Paul tells us in the seventh chapter? They do things they ought not and leave things undone that they should do. You know we do this after we are converted, and we know just what Paul is talking about. So you see we are not in Christ Jesus, or Christ Jesus in us ; or, in other words, the filth of the flesh has not been taken out. This temple cannot be a temple of Christ till it is made clean through the truth and we are just living by faith in the son of God in the inner man. If any are in Christ you will not hear them say they do things they know they ought not to do, for if they had that experience (Christ dwelling in them or they in Christ), what could we call it but willful sin or premedi- tated sin? I will tell you by and by what God says about willful sin. When they know they do things they ought not, it is nothing but condemnation, for they let the flesh have its way. These are some of the workings of the flesh: hatred, wrath, strife. (Gal. 410 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD 5:19, 20.) One who will contend and have hateful feelings towarJ another and dislike cannot help feeling condemned, besides doing other things mentioned in those two verses. We can have a dislike to a good many ways of our children, but we will treat them right and love them not their faults. We will not want to say anything about their faults to others. The workb of the flesh will bring condemnation, unless their hearts are so hardened they have got beyond feeling condemnation, unless their consciences have become seared as with a hot iron. God says our conscience will become so if we repeatedly do things we know we ought not. You know by your own experience that you can continue to get angry and continue to talk about people till you will say yourself you do not feel that it is wrong. What is that but the conscience seared? If it was not, you couldn't help but feel condemnation when you speak evil of any one, for you are doing what God forbids. Do you not know that our conscience will be seared in a little thing till we will become indifferent to that little sin? We can give way to the sin of impatience till we can commit that sin every day and before night forget all about it, and in the very act of impatience feel no condemnation. Now, what the Lord would have us see is that he wants us not only to put out the old man with the old man's deeds (and he tells us what the old man's deeds (are in Col. 3:8, anger, wrath, malice, filthy talking, etc.), but he tells us to put on and abide in the attributes of the new man. Notice he is talking to the converted one that has the new man. He is not telling you that he has forgiven you, but he tells you to put off these things. Then what has he for- given you for? For committing sin and acting upon the deeds of the old man. The new man has been born all right, but the old man is still in the flesh, and we do not go far enough by simply putting off his deeds. But he is a Jew which is one inwardly, in the heart, in the spirit. (Rom. 2:29.) You see, the Lord keep? track of the heart, and when the heart begins to lose its interest God will turn away from us, even if we go to church and are one of the leading members. We must be more than members, and we cannot be that unless we get the Spirit and are led by and obey the Spirit; and this we cannot do till we get rid of the old man in the flesh. Gal. 5:17: "For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh ; and these are contrary the one to the other; so that ye cannot do the things that ye would." That was Paul's condition, and he is speaking of those who have the Spirit. How could they get the Spirit except they were born again? And what is this Spirit but the new man? The new man has the lusts of the flesh to contend with, so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. Do you not see how necessary it is to get OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 411 rid of the deeds of the flesh, which are the old man's deeds? Surely the old man is there, or his deeds would not be there. I. know after reading this, no one could help but see this has refer- ence to the converted. You would have to be born again before he could talk to you that way, for he talks to the sinners like this: to turn from their sins and repent; to ask and believe that their sins may be forgiven. Then, after this, he wants us to get rid ot what causes us to sin so often when we do not want to. You know there are habits and desires in us that cause us to do things we would not. Even after we are converted we love a good many things we do not want to love, so we cannot do the things we would, spoken of in Rom. 7. Some way we don't know how to give them up. The Lord says, in II Cor. 8:12, that a willing mind is acceptable; so you see he accepts the will and keeps it as long as we are willing. But in the eleventh verse he says he wants us not only to be willing, but to "perform the doing of it." What true Christian is not willing to give up these things that cause them to get up in prayer-meeting and say they know they do many things they ought not? Tell me they would not give them up if they knew how! The Lord tells us to act, to go to work overcoming the flesh; or, in other words, to mortify the deeds of the body. (Rom. 8:13.) Can you not see we have a work to do within our- selves? Rom. 7:6: "That being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit." What was it that held us? Sin. What was it that loosened us? Repenting and believing. Now he wants us to serve in newness of spirit. That is the death the old man may die. He does not tell us to die when we are converted, nor to put off the old man, but to turn from our sins, repent and believe. That is the work of the soul, heart and spirit. Then he says ask Christ for his spirit, and he will give you the Spirit; and then, through the Spirit, we put off the old man, the flesh. In the same chapter, 24th verse, he speaks again of this death, and Paul is talking about himself after his conversion, as I have already explained, where he says, "Who shall deliver me from this body of this death?" What is this death? I ask again. Rom. 6:11, 12, will tell you what it is: "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reTgn in your mor- tal body, that you should obey it in the lusts thereof." That shows that it is one born again whom Paul is talking to. ^ Paul said of himself that sin was reigning in his body. He said it wa^ "no more I that did it, but sin that is in me." Then, again, he said that sin was in his flesh. That is just like what the Lord says in this verse let not sin reign in your bodfes.^ That is what causes evil thoughts, impatience, and speaking things we ought 412 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD not, idle words. Who would dare to say that we cannot get where we will not sin, when the Lord tells us to do so. You know, if our old man is crucified with him (Rom. 6:6), then the work that is left for us to do, through the Spirit, is to destroy this body of sin not our body, but this body that i.s within our body, which is the body of sin spoken of in this verse. After that, we should noc serve sin. Why? Because it has been destroyed. This is the death. So many say, "I am dead." So you are in a sense, that is, dead to sin. But you are alive as ever Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and as liable to temptation as they were, even after this death of sin has taken place in your body. Though this is a great work done, we are still liable to fall if we are not very careful. We must not fail to trust God and know the blood is flowing over our souls by faith every 'moment, till the gates of heaven are shut behind us. Unless the blood by faith is applied constantly, we have failed to pray without ceasing, and when we do that we are liable to enter into temptation, and perhaps do things worse than Adam and Eve did. They fell, and we can only be as pure here on earth as they were, and no purer. If they fell, then it surely behooves us to watch and pray lest we be castaways, as Paul said it was possible for him to be. He said we must keep this body under subjection. If we have that to do, it could not be that his body was dead. If he had been dead then he would not have had to keep under something that was dead. No, it is not this body, or nature, God destroys ; but he has provided a way that sin can be destroyed in the body. In other words, we can live a natural life, along with the spiritual life, that is not sinful. Every- thing can be pure. He says to them that are pure all things are pure. We are able to cast down every imagination that is contrary to the word of God, for we have the weapons. (II Cor. 10:2-5.) "Though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh," for the flesh is sinful and subject to sin and temptation at all times. We can live that natural life and not sin if we have the spiritual life to help us, for the body of sin has been destroyed. It is not a sin to eat and drink and sleep, but it is a sin to be a glutton or live for pride. That is a sin of the flesh and not a natural life not the life God intended we should live. That is what Paul meant in Gal. 2:20: "I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me." He was living to please Christ. He lived in the flesh, but it was a life of faith and obedience to the Son of God (Rom. 2:28), not the life of those who are only acting like Christians. One may ask how one feels who is a Christian inwardly. God will tell you how they feel, in II Cor. 7:11. They have a godly sorrow in a godly way, which means if you get angry or do anything or say anything that is not becoming to a Christian, you will be so sorry about it that you will OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 413 say : "God helping me, I will be careful next time." Other things you do that are not right and in accord with God's word, you will try to break yourself of. Now, that is what God calls clearing of yourselves, in the eleventh verse. If you fail to overcome it, then you will get angry with yourself. You will be afraid if you do not do better God will get angry at you and punish you in some way. One who is a Christian in heart, not only by name, will have the desire to grow better all the time, and will have a zeal to be clear in all his life and ways and thoughts. Read the eleventh verse and see the difference there is in an inward Christian and an out- ward Christian, spoken of in the tenth verse. The sorrow of an outward Christian is like a worldly sorrow, and that kind of a sor- row only means death ; that is, they have a kind of sorrow, but not enough to cause them to study God's word and learn how to get the Spirit to overcome these things. If you are not sorry enough to break yourself, it will prove to yourself and others that you did not have the godly sorrow. You might think so, but if you had you would have overcome. This is the condition of the old man of sin (Eph. 4:18): His understanding is darkened; he is igno- rant; his heart is blind. Can you not see why the sinner cannot see or understand? The old man of sin has him blinded, and after you are converted he hinders you from understanding the bible. Your mind is clouded with his influence as long as he is in the flesh. You will not be able to do as you would like, and you will never be able to understand the scripture as you can, unless you get rid of the sin of the flesh. The Lord says he will reveal only to his saints the deep things of God. They are the ones he reveals- the secret things to when the work of sanctification is completed. What are the secret things? One of them is perfect love. We can .have a head-knowledge of what this means, but we will never know the secret till we have the experience. We cannot have the experience before the work of sanctification is complete, because the works of the flesh will hinder us from enjoying it. Sanctifica- tion is to take out the work of the flesh. The Lord will let every one into his secret things when they get rid of the flesh. What good would it do for him to show or reveal his secrets if we do not get rid of the flesh? We could not comprehend. Why? Because we cannot do what we see and know already to do. We do not seem to care to live what we already know, and are not capable of understanding the harder things spoken of in II Pet. 3:16. Those who try to understand the hard things before the-/ do the things they do understand, will do themselves more harm than good. As |God says in this verse, it will be to their own destruction when they talk against things in God's word just because they do not understand them. We are in very poor busi- 414 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD ness when we discuss and condemn things we know nothing about. No matter what you think, you know you must be a saint I have already told you what a saint is. He is the one to whom God reveals these deep things. Let us see what I John 3:9 says: "Who- soever is born of God doth not commit sin ; for his seed remaineth in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God." In the same chapter, sixth verse, he says : "Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not; whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him." In the fourth verse he seems to modify this statement by saying, "Whosoever commiteth sin transgresseth also the law.*' If you are spiritual enough in studying these two men, the out- ward and the inward man, you will see which one he is talking about. Now the ninth verse refers wholly to the inward man, and the sixth verse is speaking of the inward man. If the inward man sin he has not seen God by faith, neither has he known God in experience; he has never been born of God. Hold this in your mind as we read on, and then you will know what God means when he turns and says if any one sin, in the fourth verse of this chapter. Notice the word "law." Now he is talking about the sin in the old man that you are still carrying in your body or flesh. He is calling this sin the law, and we will see what that law John is referring to is. He has not stopped to explain it, but Paul did in Rom. 7 :23 : "But I see another law in my members warring against the law of my mind." Now you see the two laws : one in the mind, which God tells us, in the 22nd verse of this chapter, is the law of God; and Paul says he finds another law in his members, and that law takes him captive and thereby he is held a prisoner. Then he goes on to tell how wretched he was because he was doing things he did not want to do (20th v.). This is the sin John is referring to (I John 3:4), when he says "whosoever committeth sin." He is talking to the old man of sin that is in the members, for he knows your intentions when this old man is crippling you, and he knows the old man is crippling you every once in a while and bringing you to sin. As Paul says in Rom. 7 123, we will know what it means to be captive ; it means against our will, that we are doing something we would rather not. Then Paul says, "it is no more I that do it, but the old man of sin." We know whether we are willing to do anything against God's will or not. If there is not another living person that knows, we know ; and that is why God says there is not one that is able to judge another. They do not know, if they see you doing something you ought not, whether it is against your will or not. If it is against your will, you know; and if it is, you would rather, a thousand times, not do it. Then it is not you doing it, but the old man of sin, and you know whether you are sorry or not. If it is not your will to do this or that, you OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 415 are going to try very hard to stop and get away from that sin. You must try to get that sin out of your body. Every true Christian has this hope that John speaks of in I John 3 13 : "Every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure." Are we right if we have not this hope? The majority of Christians will tell you that they do not know anything about sanctification, holi- ness, or a pure heart, even after they have been Christians for years. It stands to reason that they have not this hope; and if not, they have not this godly sorrow ; and where are they in their Christian lives before God? Are they not lukewarm? What does God say. J He would that we were either hot or cold. Rev. 3:15, 16: "1 know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then, because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." What are we but as Revelation says if we have not this hope that we will be purified here, because God says we must purify ourselves. That work is left for us to do, and when we do our part God helps us. This hope within the inner man would alone keep us from sinning within our hearts; that is why the Lord says, in I John 3:9: "Who- soever is born of God doth not commit sin." In the last clause of the 6th verse of this chapter, the Lord is speaking of the sinner that has the old man of sin in his heart. This man is not converted. This is the condition of many professed Christians, both Catholics and Protestants. See James 3:10. The Lord here is speaking to those who believe in a life of faith, because he calls them my brethren. He says: "Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be." The nth verse: "Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?" And again, in the I2th verse: "Can a fig-tree, my brethren, bear olive-berries?" One cannot be sweet and pleas- ant and all right one week or month. I have known Christians to stay good-natured a whole month at a time, and then get angry at something and say hateful words. I tell you there !s something wrong when we try to love and dislike out of the same heart, and James says, "My brethren, these things ought not so to be." The kind of people spoken of in James 3:10-12 are double-minded, as he says in the 8th verse of the 4th chapter. They have a mind one day to bless and another day to curse, and one time to like and another to dislike. This is the way Christians do that carry around in the flesh the old man of sin. That is why your hear sinners say they have seen Christians do things they would not do. That is why the Lord tells us to get out of the way of sinners, not to be a stumbling-block or stand in the way of sinners. The only way we can get out of their way is to have this hope of purifying our- selves. Only God knows how much the church is standing in the 4l6 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD way of the world. Great harm is done by church members talking about one another and the ungodly hearing of it. I do not know of an instance of a sinner stumbling over me. but I do know of many church members getting offended at me, not from what I had said nor what I had done to them, but because I followed the way the Lord led me. I never felt condemned as long as I did not offend them in word, because James tells us that in many things we offend all. God tells me that I am perfect and able to control my whole body, and how coultf I feel condemned when God's word did not condemn me. Th. / could not even condemn my conversation, as spoken of in James 3:13. I do believe in giving the devil his just dues anyway. It is not so essential for us to pay attention to one another's ways, or even to the filth of the flesh, as to acquire the answering of a good conscience toward God. (i Peter 3:21.) The main object is or should be for every one of us to put away the filth of the flesh in order to have a good conscience. This is why I do not believe in abusing anyone because of their dress or habits, or what they eat or drink; for if they have this hope in themselves they will become pure in these things as the Holy Spirit shows it to them. He will condemn them and lead them ; and it is not for us to abuse this one or that one, but to pray for them, that they may live in this verse (i Pet. 2:12): "Having your conversation honest." May God help us to be honest. Some one may ask what is the meaning of the word lust. See James 1:15; also I John 2:16: "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." We can have the lust of pride and the lust of anger and if we care to indulge in these things or have a liking for them and have no desire to get rid of them, then the I5th verse tells us the love of the Father is not in us. CHAPTER XXV. As I have been trying to tell a little story about the inward and outward man, we will see what God says about the two together, the old man and the new man. This is a good heading to start with (II Pet. 3:16) : "In which are some things hard to be understood." But if you will depend on the Holy Spirit he will reveal the word of God to your understanding. It is the word that will show you the old man and the new, not me; and whatever you do read carefully this scripture (Col. 3:12): "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering.'* Notice the words "put on" and the words "put off." "Put off" is referring to the putting off of the old man. "Put on" means put OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 417 on the new man. Col. 3:8: "But now ye also put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, filthy communications out of your mouth." Rom. 7:15: "That which I do." Rom. 7:17, 18: "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing"; then it is the bad thing, and that thing is the old man and his deeds. 20th verse: "Now if I do that I would not." 2ist verse: "When I would do good, evil is present with me." 25th verse: "But with the flesh I sin"; or do things I should not, as we have a smooth way of saying it it does not sound so bad. Rom. 7 124 : This body of death; wretched man. Why? Because he is the old man. Rom. 6:16: "Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants you are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness." ipth verse: "I speak after the manner of men, because of the infirmities of your flesh." See, he is talking to you as though you had not been converted, for he is talking to the old man. Can you not see he speaks to you as man, for you know you yield your members, the tongue especially, when you get angry. He says in the two last lines of the iQth verse, "Yield your members servants to righteousness, unto holi- ness," showing you he is trying to get these men to stop letting tlie old man have his way in the flesh. Paul knew in their hearts they loved God, but not enough to try to overcome the flesh and get rid of the old man entirely. Let us see what kind of a make-up this old man is. Rom. 8:6. "To be carnally minded is death." 5th verse : "For they that are after the flesh, do mind the things of the flesh." 7th verse : "The carnal mind is enmity against God/' Now this is the mind of the old man that you are carrying around in your body. This is the result (i3th verse) : "For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die." You see who he is talking to; not sinners, for they already are dead in sin; but he is talking to peo- ple that are alive, and he says if you will overcome the flesh you shall live. Now you know he could not talk to a sinner like that, advising him to overcome before he is converted. See I3th verse. Now what are you going to do if you do not get rid of this carnal mind? As long as you are in the flesh you cannot please God. (Rom. 8:8.) This old man is willing only according to what he sees. He has eyes (n Cor. 5:7) ; he walks by sight. 11 Cor. 8:11: "Now perform the doing of it." Gal. 5:17: "Ye cannot do the things that ye would." Why? Because you are just as Paul said he was at first the flesh was in the way, the old man, the outward man. He will and must perish, and let us not faint because of this cause. This is the old man's mind, a fleshly mind (Col. 2:18). When you are always looking at anything in an evil way, remember your body is full of darkness. This is the outward man (11 Cor. 4:16); it is he that causes this darkness. Luke 11:34: "When thine eye 4l8 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD is evil, thy body also is full of darkness." Remember this dark- ness that is in the body weakens the inward spiritual man. Paul said in Rom. 7:15, 16, that he could not do as he would, but did that which he hated, because of this old man, sin in the body. The inward man was trying to see through the same eyes the old man is using. Luke 11:35: "Take heed therefore, that the light which is in you be not darkness." There is the mind within the mind. James 4:8: "Purify your hearts, ye double-minded." I John 3:4: "Whosoever committeth sin trangresseth also the law." I John 3:9: "Who- soever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God." You see, it is (the law of sin in the body, and it is this double-mind that is causing this. Can you not see it is the law of sin in the flesh - that it is not the inward man, that the inward man cannot sin? Are you spiritual enough to discern? Rom. 7:15: "I allow not." This is the inward man that John speaks of who says in Rom. 7:17, 18, "Then it is no more I that do it." Why? Because I myself have become part of this new man which is now dwelling in the heart. Does not this agree with I John 3:9, and with Rom. 7:20, "It is no more I that do it;" and with the 22nd verse, "For I delight in God, after the inward man" which is the new man. See the difference between this man and the one that we have just been trying to picture (25th verse) : "So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God." See, that is the man who cannot sin. Why? Because his seed remaineth in him, and he cannot sin because he is born of God. Rom. 7:24: "Who shall deliver me?" This is the new man wanting to be delivered from the old man that he is carry- ing around. Rom. 6:17: "Ye have obeyed from the heart." i8th verse: "This will make you free." When you are the servant of righteousness, the heart and will, with the strength of the new man, will enable you to be made free from this body of sin. II Cor. 5 :j . "We walk by faith, not by sight." All we need eyes for is to read God's word; but when it comes to living it we can just shut our eyes and walk by faith. This is the way the inward man walks, ii xCor. 8:11, 12: "For if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted." But you must be led by the Spirit and you will not be under the flesh long. (Gal. 5:18; I Pet. 3:4.) This is the hidden man of the heart. This man is the inward man, and God says he shall be renewed day by day. II Cor. 4:16: "For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day." That is plain enough for anyone to see. There are two men, the outward and the inward. Unless this outward man perishes, and you lay aside the old man's deeds, there is danger of the inward man failing to resist. He gets so he does not care and lets all hope go within. Why? Because you are not OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 419 living up to the word of God. You are not trying to get rid of the old man. The only way you can renew the inward man day by day is to feed him on the word of God. If you do that you arc made clean through the truth, and then there is no more warfare in you. When you give up trying to overcome the outward man, lust is conceived, and you begin to sin. James 1:15: "Then, when lust has conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." You may ask when is it finished. Heb. 10:26 tells you: "For if we sin wilfully after that we have re- ceived the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacri- fice for sins." We then become as is said of Esau, in Heb. 12:17. He found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears ; but it was not a godly sorrow. He was sorry only because he got the worst of it. You may say I did not sin wilfully. You and your God knows and no one else, whether you are yielding inwardly to temptation or not; whether in your heart you would rather do right; whether you have the longing desire not to give up the faith. There is danger if we do not try to get rid of this old man of sin in the flesh. Let us read what James says about the condition of a Christian that is still carrying around with him the infirmities of the flesh or sin in the flesh. James calls it lust. Now he is talking to Christians, for he says in James 1:16: "Do not err, my beloved brethren." You know he would not tell a sinner not to err, for they already are living in errors. James 1:15: "Then when lust hath conceived." Notice this word conception. How is this lust going to take conception? It is when we yield to tempta- tion. There is much danger of this inner man getting weak from us yielding our members to those different lusts when we are tempted, till he (the inner man) will fail to resist any longer and the inward parts of you will be willing as the outward man is ; and then the lust has taken, or has conceived, and it becomes a sin because the inner man fails to resist. He gets so he does not care and lets all hope go within, and James tells us when this work is finished it bringeth forth death. There are few who will suffer as the apostles did of bid in separating themselves from sin; many get into a condition something like that of Esua. (Heb. 12:17.) We can go far enough so God will reject us. This does not look as if once in grace always in grace, or once saved always saved. If Esau had done as he ought, and what he could have done, he would have found a place for repentance ; but it looks as if he sinned wilfully. He knew better and could do better, but he just went ahead, and then when he wanted to do right there was no desire in his heart that God would accept, though he did shed tears. Then, again, in I John 5:16: "If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not 420 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life, for them thai sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death ; I do not say he shall pray for it." I7th verse : "All unrighteousness is sin ; and there is a sin not unto death." That sin is the sin I have told you of the outward man sinning, and not the inward man. But it was not so in Esau's case. It was the inward man that sinned. Oh, what danger there is of the inward man in us sinning ! i8th verse : "We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not." God says we know this. Why? Because "he keepeth himself." God expects something of us, and when we become like this new man we will talk like Job 9:20, 21 : "If I justify myself, mine own mouth shall condemn me: If I say, I am perfect, it shall also prove me per- verse. Though I were perfect, yet would I not know my soul : I would despise my life." This is why I do not believe in saying we have a clean heart, when Job did not know his own soul. Let some- one else say that for us ; but let us live pure and holy and without sin, and not talk about it ourselves. I John i :8 : "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." We sin when we say we have no sin, because we are judging our- selves. Even Paul did not dare to judge himself. But if we will confess God will cleanse us. He does forgive a sinner, but he will cleanse a Christian if he continues to confess. I John 9, 10, have reference to a sinner that says he has not sinned. Let us live with- out sin in the inner man and the outward man. Let us be this new man inside and out. When we are, we will not talk so much about it, but we will live this life. If we walk in the light as he is in the light the blood cleanses. (I John 1:7.) If we do not, look out; before we realize it we will be stepping aside, out of the light into the shadows. We must live pure and holy. This is the new man when separated entirely from the old man. He has got rid of the sin of the flesh. Col. 3 :io : "Put on the new man which is renewed in knowledge." Now the new man is put on. He has been in. He has been mentioned all through as the inward man, but now he is put on. How was he put on? By being renewed in knowledge. He has got where he understands, and the old man has taken a walk. This is the new man's mind ; to be spiritually minded. To be spiritually minded is life and peace. Eph. 4:24: "And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." That is the way this man is created that we put on. This is the hidden man with the meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price. (I Peter 3:4.) God does not create him out of the ground, but out of righteousness. Eph. i :i8, speaks of the eye of the new man. This eye is placed in his understanding,; and after he has got rid of the sinful law in the flesh this is the way his natural eye is the one he used to see OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 421 evil in almost everything with (Luke 11-34): "The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is 'full of light." The eye is made clean from seeing evil, through God giving him a clean heart. The new man has the mind of Christ I Cor. 2:16: "But we have the mind of Christ." Phil. 2:5: "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." I John 3:6: "Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not." But the last of this verse does not belong to one that has just been con- verted. That belongs to the old man alone. Some one may ask what the sin against the Holy Ghost is. This may be committed some place along in their experience as a saint, after the work of sanctification is completed. I know God tells us in Heb. 6:4-6: "For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God, and the power of the world to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance." It is like in the time of Christ when they cruci- fied him the first time. He was put to an open shame once, and he will not forgive a sin like that against the Holy Ghost, for the fourth verse says they were enlightened. It is not often one will sin when they get that far in their experience. There are few Ananiases and Saphiras today. As I have told you how I have been tempted and tried, let us see what God says about temptation and what a wonderful thing it is to be tempted. Many would be ashamed to speak of their trials and temptations, but Paul was not, David was not, and, thank God, I am not. Let us see what he says in Heb. 5 :2 : "Who can have compassion on the ignorant, and on them that are out of the way; for that he himself also is compassed with infirmity." Heb. 4:15: "But was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin." It means bitter suffering to be tempted. Heb. 2:18: "For in that he himself hath suffered, being tempted, he is able to succor them that are tempted." And he will not let us be tempted above that which we are able to bear, for he says so. That is why it is dangerous for us to yield when we are tempted, because we could bear it. As I think of all my divers temptations, God knows I count" it all joy. (James 1:2.) I know by my own experience they have been for my good; and how could I feel hard toward anyone? God says in II Thes. 1 :6 : "Seeing it is a righteous thing with God to recompense tribulation to them that trouble you." Though I were made a gazing-stock both by reproaches and afflictions, spoken of in Heb. 10:33, I did not feel resentment. The people are not afraid to speak against God's servants today. Human na- ture is just the same as it was in the time of the children of Israel. (Num. 12:1-9.) Who would think that God on his throne gets 422 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD angry at people who speak against one of his children, especially one of his servants. I know if Moses ever was called I have been. He called me as he called David. I Chron. 17 7 : "Thus sayeth the Lord of hosts, I took thee from the sheepcote, even from following the sheep." Though he did not take him in one day from following sheep and place him on the throne. Neither did he take Moses in a year or five years and then tell him to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt; 'but he sent him away into the wilderness to get forty years' experience. While David was getting the kind of ex- perience the Lord wanted him to have, he put him to herding sheep. I suppose he had a sheep ranch, as they are called in Colo- rado. This is the kind of university he attended to prepare him- self as a leader. The Lord surely led me to take up these several branches of work I have mentioned, for the last twenty-one years, till I got the experience he wanted me to have, to learn the lessons h-; had to teach me. Now I feel I am ready. As I am about to close this book I leave serving tables. From this time on to my dying hour I would not think it reasonable that I should ever again leave the word of God and serve tables. You will find this scrip- ture in Acts 6:2. I wish to say, as expecting all classes and kinds and nationalities to read this book, while some will criticise it, and others believe every word to be true, there will be a class that will doubt it, and they are spoken of in the word of God, Deut. 32 128 : "For they are a nation void of counsel, neither is there any understanding in them." Oh, how I do pray there will not be one but what will believe and be saved. As said in the 2pth verse of the same chapter: "O that they were wise, that they under- stood this, that they would consider their latter end." Gods knows this is my prayer. If we will stop to think we can understand this simple story. God says a child can understand and a fool need not err therein. It is harder work to graduate on the line of experience than it is upon that of education. To tell a simple story that a child can understand and a fool need not err therein, means a spiritual edu- cation, and this we can get only by experience. It is the best an J safest way. Even after we graduate we can learn every day by experience things we cannot learn in the school-room. We can learn to control our own spirits, and it does not take grammar to do this. It takes knowledge, not of the world, but the knowledge the Holy Ghost reveals to us through God's word. He is the one that con- victs of sin, and of righteousness and the judgment. Righteousness only means a right life. God says when we think we know we do not know anything as we should know it. It stands to reason that we must be as though we knew nothing in order for the Holy Ghost to teach us. If we knew we would need no teacher. Another thing OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 423 that looks reasonable is that we cannot depend on education, even if we are college graduates, for we must be led by the Spirit in order to teach this simple truth. It is so simple that it is harder to get down to its simplicity than it is to go up to the highest grade in education. That is the reason God says those who are up must come down and those who are down come up. The one who is up has the hardest task, for he has two branches to learn where the other has one. The college man or woman has to come down, while I have had nothing to do but go up. We know if we would say that religion depended on education to teach it, that we would be bigger fools than the one God speaks of in his word, for it surely does not take years of education to teach a fool or a child some- thing that their minds can grasp. If I thought it did I would feel I was the biggest fool of the two. It takes long to learn spiritual things and live the bible, and have a real good experience with all classes of the human race and all kinds of sin, and to learn the cunningness of the devil, so as to be able to write as Paul did in II Cor. 2:4. There is such a thing as being ignorant of the ways of the devil, and to get acquainted with him we must become spirit- ual that means, become converted. God tells us, in I Cor. 3:18: "Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise." We must start out in these spiritual things as though we did not know anything, then the Spirit will teach us. ipth v. : "He takes the wise in their own craftiness." 2Oth v. : "The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain." We g^t the knowledge of the world and the spiritual knowledge mixed in the iQth v. : "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God." It takes us so long to learn not to call jealousy watchfulness, and quarreling ear- nestness, and covetousness economy ; and it takes us so long to learn the difference between stubbornness and firmness. Don't call fret- fulness nervousness. Don't say you are humble when you arc bound to have your own way. Don't say you are meek when you are conceited. Don't say you are filled with the Spirit unless you have the fruits of the Spirit. Don't say you are all for Jesus when you seldom give one dollar to the cause; and above all, don't say you'll bear anything for Jesus when you fly into a passion over trifles. It does take us so long to know how to be honest with God. We think we are honest and that we would do anything for the Lord, and it would hurt our feelings if someone told us we did not know ourselves; but when the test comes we are surprised and even have to acknowledge that we are not as strong as we thought we were, and that we didn't know as much as we thought we did. That is in us all. It was in Peter, and it is nothing but experience that will take it out real bible, spiritual experience. It is like 4^4 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD separating life from our bodies to separate ourselves from these things, for the human race is conceited and sin has made it so. Nothing but a real good conversion, with a real good Christian ex perience and a Christian life lived secretly and publicly, will give us this education or knowledge. It means much suffering, much experience, and so I must say again, we are just ready to live when we must die. We get things backward, like this scripture, James 1:19: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." We get the last firsi and the first last. We are swift to wrath, and swift to speak, and swift to hear things we ought not, and the only thing we are slow in is to get the right understanding of God's word. In those two lines and four words (a small verse), this word "slow" is used twice and we only use it once, and the word "swift" is only used once and we use it three times. Even while I have been writing this booK the last year, oh! how swift the members of different denomina- tions have been in speaking of me. One Baptist sister who has worked with me for years a nice godly sister, a worker for the Lord got tangled up in the scripture in James and used the word swift when the word should not have been used at all ; and she is a grammarian, at least she thinks so. I do not deny it, but she surely got the wrong word in the wrong place; almost as bad as I when I got the hole by the tale and threw it through the dog. Oh, so swift she was to say I was going to hell as fast as I could and was taking a poor brother who had been a Christian and had fallen and gone back into the curse drink, with me. This dear Brother I has a wife and four children, two girls and two boys; the oldest girl will soon be 18. This sister could not have believed the doc- trine of her own church, once in grace, always in grace, or I surely could not have been on my way to hell. Even the grocery man, and the butcher, and baker, and doctor, and the drug store man were interested in my business this last year when told I had stopped doing so much of the work I had been doing. The latter expressed his joy that I stopped having so many hoboes around, and gave vent to his feelings by telling his customers so, and it has come to me. Though he was a graduate, a smart, intelligent busi- ness man, he did not know how to tend to his own business, and did not know that this is the greatest business that can be learned in this world. He had learned how to make money, but he did not have the heart-learning, and will not have it till- he has graduated in the spiritual college of the word of God and had years of ex- perience on the line of salvation. By the time he shows himself a worker, rightly divining the word of God, he will find he has all he can do without tending to me or anyone else, unless he is a shep- herd over a flock. Some of these classes of worldly college men OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 42 n and women did not have learning enough to fill their heads, so they had room enough to think I needed a body-guard. I was visit- ing two persons, trying to get them on the track of salvation. One was a single man and the other was a married one. The wife sent for me by one of the children. She wanted me to talk and pray with her husband. One evening was not enough; I must come down two night out of the week, and every night for a while, until I got him started. The question may be asked by some Christians, they not understanding, how can these things be? So the learned Nicodemus asked, thinking it all right anyway, but strange. Had he not the influence of his wife and children and the home in- fluence? Was not that enough without the influence of another woman or Christian ? They could not see but it was all right if she (Mrs. Peterson) does go there. He has a body-guard, and there could be nothing wrong if she goes and talks with him till 10 and she gets home near n. If her influence is helping this married man, that's all right. But that young man ; his mother is dead, and the home is all broken up, and he has no sister's influence. He has no wife or children or home influence, and he has no body-guard. It will not do for Sister Peterson or anyone else to go to that brother's room and sit down and stay two or three hours and talk to him as you talk to that married man, for you might do wrong, and you know the bible says to shun the very appearance of evil. It is all right to shun the appearance of evil in worldly things. But God says we are to go on when we know we are doing his will, whether it appears evil to the people or not. The people will quote that passage of scripture more than any other, though it only occurs once in the bible. The evil-minded person cannot see these things, for the teaching of Christ is a mystery to him, though he be as wise as Nicodemus. Another wise act of some of our wise workers was shown in one of our Christian homes. A sister came to my house with her heart almost broken, and I gave her a chair and told her to sit down and tell me her story. She .said she did not know what to do and she had come for me to tell her. As Job said, I told her to talk on, or to say on. She said : "You know, Sister Peterson, that poor crippled soldier who has been staying at my house the brother who had his eyes operated on and spoiled the looks of his face, besides his being crippled." With all this deformity he drank, and got to going to this sister's home, and with her influence it was not long till you could see a change in him. I had not seen him sitting on the beer-kegs in front of the saloons for a long time, and I wondered what had become of him. Oh, how my heart ached for him! I could not help it. He had no one to take an interest in him, and no one to love him, for he was not a lovable object, if one stopped for looks 426 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD all crippled as he was, besides the drink. But it was not long till I saw the reason why he was not seen sitting on the beer-kegs. This sister had taken an interest in him, and of course she got into trouble. I never saw one who did such work that did not. She wanted me to tell her what to do. I knew the poor fellow was better by her influence. She said : "There were two sisters at my house the other day who said I must throw him out- make him leave the house. If I did not he would send my soul to hell. It did not look right, and I could not live a Christian with him in the house. You know, the bible says to shun the appearance of evil." I said: "Oh, sister, how can you do such a thing?" She said: "I have come to know what to do." I said : "Let the Christians say what they like about how it looks but you do right by him. You know he has no one to take an interest in him; and if you want to live right, he will not hinder you ; and if you want to do wrong, his being away from the house will not stop you. All I have to sa> is for you to be as a sister to him. He needs a sister." But they had him going to hell and her with him. These Christian people have too many people going to hell, and they would be surprised if they found some of these people in heaven, and they in the other place where they are having so many go if they see them do or say something a little out of the usual order. God help the Chris- tian who is always saying that someone is going to hell ! I got on my wheel and went with her to her home. This poor brother was there, feeling so bad to think the Christians would talk as they did, and said to me: "Sister Peterson, must I leave my home? This has been more of a home to me than I have had for years. I am 50 now, and you do not know the comfort I have taken here." When he learned that I had advised Sister S to be a sister to him, he was rejoiced, and said: "Sister Peterson, you don't know how thankful I am to you. Do you know I feel like kissing you for your goodness to me." And I said : "You dear soul, if you want to kiss me, you can." Why, I just pitied him; and I know he never felt better toward his own sister than he did to me, and what a love come into my heart for that poor, unlovable soul. He was sick at the time, and it was not long after that he died, and his last word was a prayer praying the dear Lord to help him. Then I knew why the Lord led me to advise this sister as I did, that he would not die in a saloon, for he died suddenly. He was able to be around, and he was just as liable to die sitting on a beer-keg, or in some cheap rooming house with no one to look after him. A few days after his death Sister S received a letter from his people in Buffalo, New York, thanking her for her kindness to him; and who can doubt but that he is where there is rest and peace forever. He went praying. Some may be surprised to OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 427 see him there, but I will not be. I know the Lord led me to persuade this sister to give him a home and led us to be kind and loving to him. This is what will lead others to God they seeing our good works, which leads them to glorify our Father which is in heaven. We are not to separate ourselves, as the majority think. If we did they could not see our works. Following is the letter to Sister S : BROOKLYN, NEW YORK. "DEAR MADAM : My mother read your letter. Suppose we shall never reach your city, but if we do it shall afford us great pleasure to thank you in person for all the favors you have rendered to her brother. Again thanking you and your husband for all you have done. She is glad that he fell into good hands and thanks you very much for your interest in him, an entire stranger. "I remain, his nephew, THOMAS A. BELONG, "60 Devoe street, Brooklyn, N. Y." This is the gratefulness of his loved ones, and we as Christians should have the same interest and gratefulness. I, with Paul, rejoice in mine infirmities. RACHEL'S INFIRMITIES. Like Paul, I can say from the heart, I most gladly therefore will rather glory in my infirmities. God knows I do. Also in the reproaches I have received on every hand; in necessities, for 1 have had more than the world or the church knows of; in persecu- tions without number. One would not think God calls on his chil- dren of this day and age to go through such distresses in order to do his whole will. I have been called a fool. In my labors, with Paul, my life has been threatened. I have been beaten for doing the will of God. I have been in peril among false brethren an.l with false letters more letters than Paul had stripes. Oh, such weariness and painfulness in sickness, compelled to watching often both night and day, late and early, at home and abroad. None but God knows what I have endured in hungering, fasting, in cold and nakedness, as my wardrobe will prove. Besides these things that are without, that which cometh upon me in my home daily, the care of the sick, the homeless and friendless. If I glory, I will, by the grace of God, glory in mine infirmities. II Cor. 11:31: "The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is blessed for ever- more, knoweth that I lie not." As Paul said he did not lie, I can say the same, for God knows what I have written is true. PAUL'S INFIRMITIES. II Cor. 2:9-11: "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in mine infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. There- 428 Tf?.E LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD fore I take pleasure in mine infirmities, in reproaches, in neces- sities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong. I am become a fool in glorying." II Cor. 11:23-31: "In labours more abundant, * * * in deaths oft. * * * Thrice was I beaten with rods. * * * In perils among false brethren; in weariness and pain, watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Be- side these things that are without, that which cometh upoa me daily, the care of all the churches. If I must needs glory, I will glory of the things which concern mine infirmities. * * * The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is blessed for- evermore, knoweth that I lie not." SAYINGS OF iTHE TRUTH. Eph. 4 :3 : Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. I Sam. 16 :7 : For the Lord seeth not as man seeth ; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. II Sam. 7:1: God gave David rest from all his enemies. II Sam. 22:30: For by thee I Jiave run through a troop; by my God have I leaped over a wall. II Sam. 24:14: Let us fall now into the hand of the Lord; for his mercies are great; and let me not fall into the hands of man. I Kings 11:4: Solomon's heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. I Kings 14 :8 : The Lord said unto Jeroboam. And yet thou hast not been as my servant David, who kept my commandments and who followed me with all his heart, to do that only which was right in my eyes. II Kings 8:19: God would not destroy Judah, for David his servant's sake. II Kings 20:6: I will defend this city for my own sake, and for my servant David's sake. ~ob 23:10: He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. tj. 35:21: Yea, they opened their mouth wide against me, and sau,, Aha, aha ! our eye hath seen it. Ps. 41:1: Blessed is he that considereth the poor; the Lor'J will deliver him in time of trouble. Ps. 60:11: Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man. Ps. 101 :5 : Whoso privately slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 429 Ps. 105:15: Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. Prov. 2:4, 5: If thou seek her (understanding) as silver and search for her as hidden treasures; then shalt thou understand. Prov. 4 .-23 : Keep thy heart with all diligence ; for out of It are the issues of life. I Prov. 3 :7 : Be not wise in thine own eyes. Prov. 14:12: There is a way which seemeth right unto man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Prov. 15:12: A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him. Prov. 16:2: All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes. 7th verse: When a man's ways please the Lord he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. 8th verse: Better is a little with righteousness, than great revenues without right. i8th verse : Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Prov. 17:1: Better is a dry morsel and quietness therewith, that* a house full of sacrifices with strife. 4th verse: A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue, pth verse: He that covereth a transgression seeketh love. I7th verse: A friend loveth at all times. Prov. 18:9: He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster. Prov. 30:8, 9: Remove far from me vanity and lies; give me neither poverty nor riches ; feed me with food convenient for me : lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of 'my God in vain. Is. i :23 : And the destruction of the transgressors and of the sinners shall be together, and they that forsake the Lord shall be consumed. Ez. 16:44: As is the mother, so is her daughter. Amos 3:3: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 8:6: We may buy the needy for a pair of shoes. John 3:27: Jo.hn answered, and said, A man can receive noth- ing, except it be given him from heaven. John 6:27: Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life. II Cor. 6:14: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbe- lievers. II 'Cor. 12:15: The more I love you the less I be loved. II Cor. 13:10: I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness. Gal. 1:10: If I yet please men, I should not be the servant of Christ. Gal. 2 :i6 : We are not saved by works of the law. 43 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD Heb. 12 :2i : And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, I exceedingly fear and quake. James 5 :g Grudge not one against the other, brethren, lest ye be condemned : behold, the Judge standeth before the door. I Pet. 4:12: Beloved, think it not strange, concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing hap- pened unto you. Jude, 3 : Ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. Rev. 20:1-3: And I saw an angel coming down from heaven, having a key to the bottomless pit and a great chafn in his hand. And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years, and cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he could deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled ; and after that he must be loosened a little season. Acts 20:29: For I know this, that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock. Joshua 10:13, 14: And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. * * * The sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day. And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the Lord hearkened unto the voice of a man : for the Lord fought for Israel. Joshua 23:10: One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the Lord your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath prom- ised you. > Gal. 6:1: Considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Prov. 17 :22 : A merry heart doeth good like a medicine : but a broken spirit drieth the bones. James 4:11: Speak not evil one of another, brethren. Proy. 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he Will not depart from it. Ex. 31 :3, 4 : I have filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship to devise cunning works. Eph. 4:8: When he ascended upon high, he led captivity cap- tive, and gave gifts unto men. Lev. ii 144: Ye shall be holy for I am holy. Deut. 14:2: Thou art an holy and a peculiar people. II Cor. 12:14: For the children ought not to Tay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. Deut. 4:9: Take heed to thyself, * * * but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons. OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 431 Prov. 10:12: Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. Lev. 19:3: Ye shall fear every man, his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths : I am the Lord your God. Deut. 20:3: Fear not, and do not tremble, neither be ye terri- fied because of your enemies. Deut. 32:20: Children in whom is no faith. 39th verse: I kill, and I make alive, I wound, and I heal. Eph. 2 :g : Not of works, lest any man should boast. I Tim. 6:10: They have erred from the faith. I Tim. 5:12: Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. I Sam. 9:9: Before time in Israel, when a man went to inquire of God, thus he spake, Come, and let us go to the seer: for he thai is now called a Prophet was before time called a Seer. i9th verse: And Samuel answered Saul, and said, I am the seer. II Sam. 24:11: For when David was up in the morning, the word of the (Lord came unto the prophet Gad, David's seer, saying Rev. 16:14: They are the spirits of devils, working miracles, which go forth unto the kings of the earth. CHAPTER XXVI. I CLOSED my book proper five years ago this month, believing that the time had come to go to work in the vineyard of the Lord. With this impression I prepared my wardrobe and secured a ticket for Cripple Creek, Colo., and was on my way the 2d of April. For six weeks I prayed "without ceasing" for God to show me definitely if he wanted me to go. I had nothing but the word still coming to me. Matt. 19:29: "And everyone that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children." He does not want even the nearest one on earth to stand in the way of him; not even a husband or wife may stand in the way of the salvation of souls. We may be separated in this life for a few years, but together in the life to come, if we do his bidding. We cannot go except we be called. Rom. 10:15: "And how shall they preach, except they be sent?" No one but God can send us. I knew -he had sent me, and I had obeyed the call, though I had not forsaken all, in a sense the Lord would have one that is called. We cannot serve tables and preach the gospel at the same time successfully. This is only reason. No one could be a tradesman and a profes- sional man at the same time and be a success. I wanted to know definitely that the Holy Ghost had "separated" me for the work of the Lord. (Acts 13:2, 4.) And while I was getting ready, I was waiting for the witness of this separation. It did come, but it wa<* after I had bought my. ticket. Some one may ask why did he not 432 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD let you know before you bought the ticket. For three reasons. He says in his word: "Try the spirits to see if they are of him." Secondly: "His ways are not our ways." Thirdly: I could not understand fully until I had bought my ticket and started. As we turned down Thirty-fifth avenue I was still praying, asking the Lord if this was the time for me to go. An impression came to my heart, like a hand laid on my breast, directing me to go back. One might say that would be a natural feeling in leaving home. So it would to one who did not want to go, or to one who had to go, but I was going willingly. All I wanted was to feel in my soul and heart that this was the time, and was pleasing to the Lord. I knew he would let me know, but I did not know when, and when he did come, oh, I knew it was him. I talked to the Lord just as I would to you. "O Lord, please let me go," I said. "I have my ticket and I will promise to come back in a few wee-ks." So I did, and I saw why he did not want me to go to Cripple Creek. It was because of my enemies. Some were there who had sat in judgment against me at the trial, and they did all they could against me. One of my sisters in Christ wrote to Cripple Creek, and told a sister that she did not want me to have anything to do with the work she was interested in. Do you see the Lord did not want me to go there to preach my own cause, or plead my case? He wanted me to preach the gospel and that I could not do with God's believing chil- dren against me. There was another reason. My child was just coming into womanhood, and he showed me the time had come now to live for her. Though we are to forsake all, God shows us when that time comes, and I had other lessons to learn, which will be as helpful to mothers and the salvation jof young girls as if I had gone at that time into the work of the Lord, for if I had not had the ex- perience that I have, I could not tell the story, nor advise mothers and young girls as I now can. My daughter was then fourteen. I came back the last of May, in time to get my daughter ready for the last days of school. The fall before was when the Lord began to lead me in regard to my daughter. It was on Labor day. I did not know God led mothers so definitely in regard to the welfare of their children till I had had this experience. I could not under- stand the leading at first, but to make it plain to you I will tell you of it. On Labor day my daughter asked permission to call upon a school-girl friend who only lived a few blocks from our home. She had been gone but a few minutes when I called on my niece, the second door away from me. My daughter and her friend soon rode up to the gate /on their wheels and asked if they could go out to City park that afternoon with a couple of school-boy friends of this young girl. I had known her and her mother for several years, but there came a fear to my. heart. I did not know OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 433 why, and I began to ask God about it. I did not readily answer, for I was praying to know the will of God, and Ruby inquired: "Mamma, what are you thinking about? Why don't you say whether I can go or not?" "Ruby," I answered, "I am praying." "Why, mamma, what do you want to pray for?" she rejoined. I told the girls what a fear had come to me. I thought perhaps they would be hurt on their wheels. I knew they could have gone to the park from this girl's home, and I would not have known any- thing about it. So many girls and boys now-a-days never think of asking permission from their parents. I must say my daughter has the first time to go anywhere before asking me, and she will soon be twenty. Some young people would say that she is a "sissy" to hang to her mother's apron-strings, but I think you will see dif- ferently as you read. Anyway, you will as you get older, and have experiences for yourselves. The girls, especially Ruby, wonderec what it could mean. She knew from the time she could remem- ber how impressions would come to me. And she knew they came from the Lord. Her bright face became serious, and she wondered if it could be that some one would run into them, the park being crowded on a day like that. I could not think of anything else that would cause such a fear. They promised me they would be care- ful, and would be at home at five. The park was only a few blocks from our home, and I knew the ride would do them good. I said they could go, and as they rode away on their wheels I prayed the Lord to keep them from harm. I went into the house and told my niece the presentiment I had had, and we tried to imagine every- thing would be well. I could not feel that she was going to be hurt, and I had learned to trust her in everything. I prayed the Lord to forgive me for not understanding him, but I knew that if I would be watchful and prayerful, the Lord would show me what the fear meant. The girls returned safe, and it was during Christ- mas week, when there was no school, that this same girl came in and asked if Ruby could go over to her house, as the boys were over there and wanted to see her. I waited to see if I would feel the same fear again, but did not. I let her go. The last of April she came again, and said the boys were over at her house, and wanted to take them to the matinee on Saturday afternoon. I said she could go this time, but if the boys came again for her to bring them over; that Ruby should not go again except they came and went from her own home. I did not think it looked nice for her to meet the boys over there. They could take it turn about. She and the boys could go from there next time. It was only a few weeks till she brought the boys over to the house. It was^the first time I had met them. They were fine looking boys, with good manners. I could see before they had been in 'my presence ten 434 THE LONG-LOST RACHEL WILD minutes that one of the young men and Ruby had taken a particular notion to each other. - She had told me several times before that she thought he was a very nice young man, and that she liked him, but I thought nothing of it. But this Sunday afternoon convince * me there was something in it. They wanted to jo to the theater, I told them I did not believe anyone should go to the theater on Sunday that there was time enough through the week. But they had the tickets, and they begged and pleaded for me to let her go, and I could see what a disappointment it would be to her and the two boys. Bee's mother said she could not go if Ruby did not, and I did not have the heart to disappoint all of them, so I consented. This was a year before I went to Cripple Creek. The boys and Bee came over several times while I was gone. It was after I came back that I understood why this fear came to me the first time they went out riding. It took me a whole year to understand that it was not the will of the Lord that girls and boys should go together at that age. I was so sorry I did not know the leading of the Lord, and made up my mind that I would make the best of it, ever trusting him to help me. I realized that this was another reason why the Lord sent me back home. As a mother this was my place. Girls need a mother at this age more* than at any other time of their life, and when my heart would long to go into the work, the thought would come, in answer to my longings, "Not yet." Now I can see so plainly that my duty was with this child. She needed me as a mother, as a companion, as a chaperone every moment her friend and counselor, her sympathizer, her all in all. Oh, how much depended upon me! You see, the Lord Jdid not want me to have to go through such an experience, but I could not understand his leadings. I had to learn, and how good of God to work out for good all things that come to those who love him. Not for thousands of dollars would I be without this experience. It taught her a lesson that will be a blessing to her all her life. It was a year of testing, though she was only fourteen. I begged her to forbid him coming to see her. I shall never forget that afternoon. It was after she had come home from school. I was lying on the couch when she came into the room. She pulled the sewing machine out into the middle of the floor, and as she sat there finishing her apron, I thought now is my time to talk to her. While I insisted that they were too young to know their own minds, I watched the different expressions that would come and go on her bright face. One minute she woull have a hopeful expression, and then one of fear. What pleased me most, she was so free to tell me everything! She kept nothing back. Her love and hopes and fears were freely expressed. Some mothers would not have listened. They would have compelled her OR, SEEKING DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH 435 to submit to their wishes and judgment without reasoning with the child. Not but what I was as determined as any mother could be, but I wanted her to learn a life-time lesson. What if it did cause me extra trouble? "Now, mamma," 'she would say, "do let him come! You know he is a perfect gentleman."