UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 AT LOS ANGELES
 
 24
 
 MISCELLANEOUS WORKS 
 
 OF THE LATE 
 
 PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE, 
 EARL OF CHESTERFIELD: 
 
 CONSISTING OF 
 
 LETTERS TO HIS FRIENDS, 
 
 NEVER BEFORE PRINTED, AND VARIOUS OTHER ARTICLES, 
 
 TO WHICH ARE PREFIXED, 
 
 MEMOIRS OF HIS LIFE, 
 
 TENDING TO ILLUSTRATE 
 THE CIVIL, LITERARY, AND POLITICAL, 
 
 HISTORY OF HIS TIME. 
 
 By M. MAT: r, M. D. 
 
 LATE PRINCIPAL SECRETARY OF THE BRITISH MUSEUM, 
 AND SECRETARY TO THE ROYAL SOCIETY. 
 
 THE SECOND EDITION, 
 I N FOUR VOLUMES. 
 
 W I T it 
 
 AN APPENDIX, 
 
 CONTAINING 
 
 SIXTEEN CHARACTERS OF GREAT PERSONAGES 
 AND LETTERS WRITTEN BY THE SAME NOBLE EARL. 
 
 VOLUME THE SECOND. 
 
 | LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR EDWARD AND CHARLES DILLY, 
 IN THE POULTRY. M DCC LXXIX.
 
 V, & 
 
 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 
 
 I. 
 
 \ 
 
 FOG'S JOURNAL*. 
 
 SATURDAY, Jan. 17, 1736. N 375. 
 
 I AM not of the opinion of thofe who think that 
 our anceftors were in every refpcdt wifer than we, 
 and who reject every new invention as chimerical, and 
 brand it with the name of project. On the contrary, 
 I am perfuadcd, that moft things are ftill capable of 
 improvement; for which reafon I always give a fair 
 and impartial hearing to all new propofals, and have 
 often, in the courfe of my life, found great advantage 
 by fo doing. 
 
 I very early took Mr. Ward's Drop, notwithftand- 
 ing the great difcouragement it met with, in its in- 
 fancy, from an honorable author, eminent for his poli- 
 tical fagacity, who aflerted it to be liquid Popery and 
 
 ~* This was one of the weekly publications againft fir R. Walpole's 
 ndirum ft ration. It was firit intitled Milt's journal. I fufpec}, that 
 lord Chefterfield had, ievcval times before, lent bis band to the 
 writers of this witty paper; but I have no authority to afiert ir. 
 This, and the two following efTays, were generally allowed to be his. 
 
 VOL. II. B Jacobitiim. 
 
 19;
 
 t LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Jacobitifm. I reaped great benefit from it, anc? 
 recommended it to to many of my friends, thar I 
 quell ion whether the author of that great fpecific is 
 'more obliged to any one man in the kingdom than 
 myfelfy excepting on?. 
 
 I have like wife, as. well as my brother Caleb *, 
 great hopes of public advantage, arifing from the 
 ikill and difcoveries of that ingenious operator, Dr. 
 Taylor , notwirhftanding the late objections of Mrs- 
 Olborne }, and her mod fubtle dillinctions between; 
 the eye politic, and the eye natural. 
 
 Some inventions have been improved ages after 
 their fit ft difcovery, and extended to ufes fo obvious^ 
 and fo nearly refembling thofe for which they were at 
 firft in-tended, that it is furprizing how they could 
 have fo long efcaped the fagacity of mankind. For 
 initance, printing, though ufed but within thefe few 
 centuries, has in reality been invented thoufands of 
 years ; and it is aftonifliing, that it never occurred 
 ro thofc, who firft ftampt images and inlcriptions 
 upon metals,, to* ftarrvp likewife their thoughts upon, 
 wax, barks of trees, or whatever elfe they wrote upon. 
 
 This example ftioukl hinder one from thinking any 
 thing brought to its tie plus ultra of perfection, when, 
 i'o plain an improvement lay for many ages undii- 
 covered. 
 
 * The Craftfitian, In which lord Bulinghrokc was principally 
 engaged, went under the name of Caleb D'Anvers eiq. 
 
 j- The fignature to one oJ[ the minilterial pa;5ers being F. Ofborne 
 ef(|; (who was the elded and graved of their writers), his antagoniih 
 made an old woman of the author, and nick-named him Mother 
 Ofborne, uuder which title he figures in the iecond book of the 
 Dunc'iad, 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. I. 3 
 
 The fcheme I am now going to offer to the public 
 is of this nature, fo very plain, obvious, and of fuch 
 evident emolument, that I am convinced my readers 
 will both be furprized and concerned, that it did not 
 occur to every body, and that it was not put in prac- 
 tice many years ago. 
 
 I took the firll hint of it from an account a friend 
 of mine gave me of what he himfelf had feen pra&ifed 
 with fuccefs at a foreign court ; but I have ektended 
 it confiderably, and I flatter myfelf, that it will, upon 
 the ftricteft examination, appear to be the mofr prac- 
 ticable and ufeful, and, at this time, necefTary pro- 
 .ject that has, it may be, ever been fubmitted to the 
 public. 
 
 My friend, having redded fome time at a very cori- 
 Fiderabie court in Germany, had there contracted an 
 intimacy with a German prince, whole dominions and 
 revenues were as fmall as his birth was great and il- 
 luftrious ; there are fome few fuch in the auguft 
 Germanic body. This prince made him prom i 11% 
 that whenever he Ihould return to fcnglandi he would 
 take him in his way, and make him a vifit in his 
 principality. Accordingly, fome time afterwards, 
 about two years ago, he waited upon his ferene high- 
 ttefs i who, being apprized a little beforehand of his 
 arrival, refolved to receive him with all pofiible marks 
 of honor and diftin&ioni 
 
 My friend was not a little furprized, to find him- 
 felf conducted to the palace through a lane of 
 ibldiers retting their firelocks, and the drums beat- 
 ing a march. His highnefs, who obferved his fur- 
 prize, and who, by the way, was a wag, afcer the 
 B 2
 
 4 L O R D C H S T E R F I E L D r S 
 
 fii-ft compliments ufual upon fuch occafions, fpokcr 
 
 very gravely to him thus : 
 
 " I do not wonder, that you, who are well 5n- 
 " formed of the narrownefs both of my territories-' 
 " and my fortune, mould be aftonifhed at the num- 
 ." her of my (landing forces-, but I muft acquaint 
 " you, that the prefent critical fituation of my af- 
 ** fairs would not allow me to remain defencelefs, 
 " while all 1 my neighbours were arming around me.. 
 " There is not a prince near me, that has not made 
 *' an augmentation in his forces, fome of four, fome 
 " of eight, and fome even of twelve men ; fo that 
 " you muft be fenfible that it would have been con- 
 " fiftent neither with my honor nor fafety, not to 
 " have increafed mine. I have therefore augmented 
 * f my army up to forty effective men, from but 
 " eight and twenty that they were before ; but, in 
 < order not to overburden my fubjecls with taxes, 
 " nor opprefs them by the quartering and infolence 
 " of my troops, as well as to remove the leaft fui- 
 *' picion of my defigning any thing againft their li- 
 " berties ; to tell you- the plain truth, my men are 
 " of wax, and exerciie by clock-work. You eafity 
 " perceive," added he fmiling, " that, if I were in 
 " any real clanger, my forty men of wax are juft as 
 " good a fecurity to me, as if they were of the very 
 " bell: fiefh and blood in Chriftendom : as for dig- 
 " nity and fliow, they anfwer thofe purpofes full as 
 " v^ell ;' and in the mean time they coft me fo little^ 
 " that our dinner will be much the better for it" 
 
 My friend refpectfully fignified to him his fincere, 
 approbation of his wile and prudery meafures, and 
 
 afiured
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. I. f 4 
 afiwred me that he had never in his life feen finer 
 ^bodies of men, better-iized, nor more warlike coun- 
 tenances. 
 
 The ingenious contrivance of this wife and war- 
 like potentate (truck me immediately, as a hint that 
 might be greatly improved to the public advantage, 
 and without any one inconvenience, at leaft that OF, 
 curred to me. I have turned it every way .in my 
 thoughts with the utmoft care, and (hall now prefent 
 it to my readers, willing however to receive any fur- 
 ther lights and afTiltance from thofe who are more 
 ikilled in milirary matters than I am. 
 
 I afk but two fojlulat-a, which I think -cannot be 
 denied me ; and then my propofal demonftrar.es its 
 own utility. 
 
 Firft, That for thefe laft five and twenty years, 
 our land forces have been of no.ufe whatfoever, nor 
 even employed, notwithftanding the almoft uninter- 
 rupted disturbances that have been in Europe, in 
 which our imerefts have been as nearly concerned as 
 ever they are likely to be for thefe five and twenty 
 years to come. 
 
 Secondly, That our prefent army is a very great 
 .expence to the nation, and has raifed jealoufies and 
 .-difcontents .in the minds of many of his majefty's 
 fubjeds. 
 
 I therefore humbly propofe, that, from and after 
 the 25th day of March next, 1736, the prefent nu- 
 jmerous and expenfive army be totally difbanded, the 
 -commifilon officers excepted ; and that proper per- 
 fons be authorized to contract with Mrs. Salmon, 
 ,for raifmg the lame number of men in the beft of wax. 
 B 3 That
 
 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 That the faid perfons be likewife authorized to treat 
 with that ingenious mechanic, Myn Heer Von Pinch- 
 beck, for the clock-work neceflary for the faid num- 
 ber of land-forces. 
 
 It appears from my firft poftulatum, that this fu,- 
 "Vurc army will be, to all intents and purpofes, as ufe- 
 ful as ever our prefent one has been j and how much 
 more beneficial it will be is what I now beg leave 
 to (hew. 
 
 The curious are often at great trouble and ex- 
 pence to make imitations of things, which things 
 are to be had eafier, cheaper, and in greater per- 
 fection themfelves. Thus infinite pains have been 
 taken of late, but alas in vain, to bring up our pre- 
 fent army to the nicety and perfection of a waxen 
 one : it has proved impoflible to get fuch numbers 
 of men, all of the fame height, the fame make, with 
 their own hair, timing exactly together the feverai 
 motions of their exercife, and, above all, with a cer- 
 tain military fiercenefs, that is not natural to Britifh 
 countenances : even fome very confiderable officers 
 have been cafhiered, for wanting SOME OF THE PRO- 
 PERTIES OF WAX. 
 
 By my fcheme, all thefe inconveniencies will be en- 
 tirely removed ; the men will be all of the fame fize, 
 and, if thought neceflary, of the fame features and 
 complexion : the requifite degree of fiercenefs may 
 be given them, by the proper application of whifkers, 
 fears, and fuch like indications of courage, accord- 
 ing to the taftes of their refpective officers; and 
 their exercife will, by the fkill and care of Myn 
 Heer Von Pinchbeck, be in the higheft German 
 
 tafte.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. I. 7 
 tafte, and may poflibly arrive at the me motion, that 
 great defideratum in our difcipline. The whole, thus 
 ordered, mud certainly furnifh a more delightful 
 fpeftacle than any hitherto exhibited, to fuch as are 
 curious of reviews and military exercitations. 
 
 I am here aware that the grave Mrs, Ofborne vvifl 
 ferioufly object, that this army, not being alive, 
 cannot be ufeful , and that the more lively and m- 
 genious Mr. Walfingham * may poffibly infinnate, 
 that a waxen army is not likely to (land fire well. 
 
 To the lady, I anfwer thus beforehand, that if, in 
 the late times 'of war, our prefent army has been of 
 no more ufe than a waxen one, a waxen one will 
 now, in time of peace, be as ufeful as they ; and as 
 to any other reafons, that fhe or her whole fcx may 
 have, for preferring a live (landing army to this, 
 they are confiderations of a private nature, and mud 
 not weigh againft fo general and public a good. 
 
 To the pleafant 'fquire I reply, that this army will 
 ftand its own fire very well ; which is all that feems 
 requifite. 
 
 But give me leave to fay too, that an army thus 
 conftituted will be very far from being without its 
 terror, and will doubtlefs ftrike all the fear that is 
 confident with the liberties of a free people; wax, 
 jt is well known, being the moil natural and ex- 
 
 * The Free Briton, by Francis Walfingham efq; (publiflied un- 
 der the direction of fir Robert Walpolc), was written by William 
 Arnall, who was bred an attorney, but commenced party-writer 
 vhen under twenty. See the notes on the Dnnciad, Book II; 
 jvhere Amall >s faid to have received, for Free Britons and other 
 writings, in four years, the fum of 109977. GJ, &/. out of the 
 trenfury, 
 
 B 4 prefllve
 
 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 prefiive imitation of life, as it unites in itfelf the dif- 
 ferent advantages of painting and fculpture. 
 
 Our Britim monarchs in the Tower are never be- 
 held but with the profonndeft refpect and reverence; 
 and that bold and manly reprefentation of Henry the 
 eighth never fails to raife the ftrongeft images of one 
 kind or another in its beholders of both fexes. Such 
 is the force of divine right, though but in wax, upon 
 the minds of all good and loyal fubjects. 
 
 Nobody ever favv the court of France, lately ex- 
 hibited here in wax-work, without a due regard ; 
 infomuch that an habitual good courtier was ob- 
 Jerved refpectfuily bowing to their mod Chriftian 
 majefties, and was at laft only convinced of his error 
 by the filence of the court. An army of the fame 
 materials will certainly have flill a ftronger effect, 
 and be more than fufficient to keep the peace, with- 
 out the power of breaking it. 
 
 My readers will obferve, that I only propofe a re- 
 duction of the private men, for, upon many accounts, 
 I would by no means touch the commilfions of the 
 officers. In the firft place, they moft of them de- 
 ferve very well of the public , and in the next place, 
 as they are all in parliament, I might, by propofing 
 to deprive them of their commiffions, be fufpected 
 of political views, which I proteft I have not. I 
 would therefore defire, that the prefent fet of officers 
 may keep the keys, to wind up their feveral regi- 
 ments, troops, or companies ; and that a mailer-key 
 to the whole army be lodged in the hands of the ge- 
 neral in chief for the time being, or, in default of fiich, 
 in the hands of the prime minifter. 
 
 From
 
 M I S C E L L A N E O U S PIECES. I. 9 
 
 From my fccond poflulatum^ that the prefent army 
 is expenfive, and gives uneafmefs to many of his ma- 
 jefty's good fubjeclis, the further advantages of my 
 fcheme will appear. 
 
 The chief expence here will be only the prime 
 coft ; and I even queftion whether that will exceed 
 the price of live men, of the height, proportions, and 
 tremendous afpects, that I propofe thefe fhould be 
 of. But the annual faving will be fo confiderable, 
 that I will appeal to every fenfible and impartial man 
 in the kingdom, if he does not fmcerely think that 
 this nation would have been now much more flou- 
 rifhing and powerful, if, for thefe twenty years laft 
 paft, we had had no other army. 
 
 Another confiderable advantage- confifts in the 
 great care and convenience with which thefe men 
 will be quartered in the countries ; where, far from 
 being an oppredion or difturbance to the public 
 houfes, they will be a genteel ornament and decora- 
 tion to them, and, inftead of being inflicted as a pu- 
 nifhment upon the difaffe&ed, vvill probably be 
 granted as a favour to fuch inn-keepers as are fup- 
 .pofed to be the mod in the intereft of the adminiftra- 
 tion, and that too poffibly with an exclufive privi- 
 lege of mewing them. So that I queftion, whether a 
 certain great city may not be eloquently threatened 
 with having no troops at all. 
 
 As 1 am never for carrying any project too far, I 
 would, for certain reafons, not extend this, at prefent, 
 to Gibraltar, but would leave the garrifon there alive 
 as long as it can keep fo. 
 
 Let
 
 9 LORDCHESTE fcT I E L D * 8 
 
 Let nobody put the Jacobite upon me, and fay, 
 thar I am paving the way for the pretender, by dif- 
 b^nding this army. That argument is worn thread- 
 bare-, bcfides, let thofe take the Jacobite to them- 
 fcjves 7 who w.oyjd exchange the affections of the peo- 
 ple for the fallacious fecurity of an unpopular {land- 
 ing army. 
 
 But, as I know I ^m fufpected by forne people to 
 be no friend to the prefent miniftry, I would moft 
 carefully avoid inferring any thing in this project that 
 might look peeviflb, or Jike a defign to deprive them 
 of any pf the neceflary means of carrying on the go- 
 vernment. I h ; ave therefore already declared, that I 
 did not propofe to affect tfye commilTipns of any of the 
 officers, though a very great faving would arife to the 
 public thereby. And I would further provide, that, 
 in the difbanding the prefent army, an exaft account 
 fhould be taken of every fpldier's right of voting in 
 elections, and where $ and that the like number of 
 votes, and for the fame places, mail be referved to. 
 every regiment, troop, or company., of this new army ; 
 thefe votes to be given collectively, by the officers of 
 the faid regiment, troop, or company, in as free and 
 uninfluenced a manner as hath at any time been 
 practifed within thefe laft twenty years. 
 
 Moreover, I would provide, that Mann and Day * 
 fhall, as at prefent, have the entire cloathing of this 
 new army , fo fcrupuloys am I of diftreffing the ad- 
 min ift ration. 
 
 * Two very confidesable woollen-drapers, in the Strand; thefirft 
 of them was grandfather to fir Horatio Mann. 
 
 People
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. I. II. u 
 People are generally fond of their own projects, 
 and, it may be, I look upon this with the partiality 
 pf a parent ; but I proteft I cannot find any one ob- 
 jection to it. It will fave an immenfe expence to the 
 nation, remove the fears that at prefent difturb the 
 minds of many, and anfwer every one of the purpofes 
 p which our prefent army has been applied. The 
 numbers will found great and formidable abroad, the 
 individuals will be gentle and peaceable at home , 
 and there will be an increafe to the public of above 
 fifty thoufand hands for labour and manufactures, 
 which at prefent are either idle, or but fcurvily em- 
 ployed. 
 
 I cannot, I own, help flattering myfelf, that this 
 fcheme will prevail, and the more fo from the very 
 great protection and fuccefs wax-work has lately met 
 with ; which, I imagine, was only as an cffay or tcnta- 
 men to ibme greater defign of this nature. But, what- 
 ever be the event of it, this alternative I will venture 
 to afTert, that, by the 25th of March next, either the 
 army or another body of men mud be of wax. 
 
 II. 
 FOG'S JOURNAL. 
 
 SATURDAY^ Jan. 24, 1736. N 377. 
 
 TT UM AN nature, though every where the fame, 
 *-* is fo feemingly diverfified by the various habits 
 and cuftoms of different countries, and fo blended 
 
 with
 
 u TL O R D C H E S T E R F I E L D ' S 
 
 \vith the early impreflions we receive from our educa- 
 tion, that they are often confounded together, and 
 miftaken for one another. This makes us look with 
 aftonilhment upon all cuftoms that are extremely dif- 
 ferent from our own, and hardly allow thofe nations 
 to be of the fame nature with ourfelves, if they are 
 unlike in their manners ; whereas all human actions 
 may be traced up to thofe two great motives, the 
 purfuit of pleafure, and the avoidance of pain : and, 
 upon a ftrit examination, we (hall often find, that 
 thofe cuftoms, which at firft view feem the moft differ- 
 ent from our .own, have in reality a great analogy 
 with them. 
 
 What more particularly fuggefled this thought to 
 me, was an account which a gentleman, who was 
 Jately returned from China, gave, in a company 
 where I happened to be prefent, of a pleafure held in 
 high efteem, and extremely practifed by that luxu- 
 rious nation. He told us, that the tickling of the 
 ears .was one of the moft. exquifite fenfations knowa 
 in Chir\a ; and that the delight, adminiftered to the 
 whole frame through this organ, could, by an able and 
 Ikilrul tickler, be railed to whatever degree of extafy 
 the patient mould defire. 
 
 The company, ftruck with this novelty, exprefTed 
 their furprize, as is ufual on fuch occafions, firft by a 
 filly filence, and then by many filly queftions. The 
 account too, coming from fo far as China, raifed 
 ;both their wonder and their curiofity, much more than 
 if it had cooie from any European country, and 
 opened a larger field for pertinent queilions. Among 
 Qfhers, the gentleman was afked, whether the Chinefe 
 
 eats
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IL 15 
 cars and fingers had the leaft refemblance to ours ; to 
 which having anfwered in the affirmative, he went on 
 thus : 
 
 " I perceive, I have excited your curiofity To much 
 by mentioning a curtom ib unknown to you here, that 
 1 believe it will not be difagreeable, if I give you a 
 particular account of it. 
 
 " This pleafure, ftrange as it may feem to you, 
 is in China reckoned almoft equal to an-y that the 
 fenfes afford. There is not an ear in the whole 
 country untickled ; the ticklers have, in their turn, 
 others who tickle them, infomuch, that there is a 
 circulation of tickling throughout that vail: empire- 
 Or if, by chance, there be forne few unhappy enougli 
 not to find ticklers, or fome ticklers clumfy enough 
 not to find bufmefs, they comfort themfelves at lead 
 with felf-titillation. 
 
 " This profeffion is one of the mod lucrative and 
 considerable ones in China, the mod eminent per- 
 formers being either handfomely requited in money, 
 or ftill better rewarded by the credit and influence it 
 gives them with the party tickled; infomuch, that a 
 mean's fortune is made as foon as he gets to be 
 tickler to any confiderable mandarin. 
 
 " The emperor, as in jufiice he ought, enjoys this 
 pleafure in its higheft perfection -, and all the con- 
 fiderable people contend for the honor and advantage 
 of this employment, the perfon who fucceeds the bell 
 in it being always the firft favourite, and chief dif- 
 penfer of his imperial power. The principal man- 
 darins are allowed to try their hands upon his ma- 
 jetty's facred ears, and according to their dexterity 
 
 and
 
 14 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 and agility, commonly rife to the pods of firft mi- 
 nifters. His wives too are admitted to try their 
 (kill ; and (he among them, who holds him by the 
 ear* is reckoned to have the fureft and mod lading 
 hold. His prefent imperial majefty's ears, as I am 
 informed, are by no means of a delicate texture, and 
 confequently not quick of fenfation ; fo that it has 1 
 proved extremely difficult to nick the tone of them : 
 the lighted and fined hands have utterly failed ; and 
 many have mifcarried, who, from either fear or refped> 
 did not treat the royal ears fo roughly as was necef- 
 fary. He began his reign under the hands of a 
 bungling operator, whom for his clumfinefs he foori 
 difmified : he was afterwards attempted by a more 
 Ikilful tickler i but he fometimes failed too, and, not 
 being able to hit the humour of his majedy's ears, 
 his own have ofcen fuffered for it* 
 
 ts In this public didrefs, and while majedy la- 
 boured under the privation of auricular joys, the em- 
 prefs, who, by long acquaintance, and frequent little 
 trials, judged pretty well of the texture of the royal 
 par, refolved to undertake it, and fucceeded perfectly^ 
 by means of a much dronger friction than others 
 durd either attempt, or could imagine would pleafei 
 
 " In the mean time, the fkilful mandarin, far from 
 being difcouraged by the ill fuccefs he had fometimes 
 met with in his attempts upon the emperor's. ears, re- 
 folved to make himfelf amends upon his imperial eon- 
 fort's : he tried, and he prevailed -, he tickled her ma- 
 jedy's ear to fuch perfection, that, as the emperor' 
 would trud his ear to none but the emprefs, {he would 
 trud hers to none but this light-fingered mandarin^ 
 
 who*
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. II. T$ 
 who, by thefe means, attained to unbounded and un- 
 controuled power, and governed ear by ear. 
 
 ce But, as all the mandarins have their ear-tickler* 
 too, with the fame degree of influence over them, 
 and as this mandarin was particularly remarkable for 
 his extreme fenfibility in thofe parts, it is hard to lay 
 from what original titillation the imperial power now 
 flows." 
 
 The conclufion of the gentleman's ftory was at- 
 tended with the ufual interjections of wonder and 
 furprize from the company. Some called it ftrange, 
 fome odd, and fome very comical : and thofe who 
 thought it the mod improbable, I found by their 
 queftions were the moft defirous to believe it. I ob- 
 ferved too, that, while the ftory lafted, they were moft 
 of them trying the experiment upon their own 
 ears, but without any vifible effect that I Qould 
 perceive. 
 
 Soon afterwards, the company broke up; and I 
 went home, where I could not help reflecting, with 
 fome degree of wonder, at the wonder of the reft, 
 becaufe I could fee nothing extraordinary in the 
 power which the ear exercifed in China, when I con- 
 fidered the extenfive influence of that important organ 
 in Europe. Here, as in China, it is the fource of 
 both pleafure and power ; the manner of applying to 
 k is only different. Here the titillation is vocal, 
 there it is manual, but the effects are the fame ; and, 
 by the bye, European ears are not always unacquainted 
 neither with manual application. 
 
 To make out the analogy 1 hinted at between the 
 Chinese and ourfclves in this particular, I will offer 
 
 to
 
 16 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 to my readers fome in fiances of the fenlibility and 
 prevalency of the ears of Great Britain. 
 
 The Britilh ears feem to be as greedy and fcnfible 
 of titillation as the Chinefe can poffibly be ; nor is 
 the profeffion of an ear-tickler here any way inferior, 
 or lefs lucrative. There are of three forts, the private 
 tickler, the public tickler, and the felf-tickler. 
 
 Flattery is, of all methods, the fureft to produce 
 that vibration of the air, which affecls the auditory 
 nerves with the moft exquifite titillation ; and, accord- 
 ing to the thinner or thicker texture of thofe organs, 
 the flattery muft be more or lefs ftrong. This is the 
 immediate province of the private tickler, and his 
 great fkill confifts in tuning his flattery to the ear of 
 his patient ; it were endlefs to give inftances of the 
 influence and advantages of thole artifts who excel in 
 this way. 
 
 The bufinefs of a public tickler is, to modulate his 
 voice, difpofe his matter, and enforce his arguments 
 in fuch a manner as to excite a pleafing fenfation in 
 the ears of a number or afiembly of people : this is 
 the moft difficult branch of the profeffion, and that 
 in which the feweft excel ; but to the few who do it, 
 is the moft lucrative, and the moft confiderable. The 
 bar has at prefent but few proficients of this fort, the 
 pulpit none, the ladder alone feems not to decline. 
 
 I muft not here omit one public tickler of great 
 eminency, and whofe titillative faculty muft be al- 
 lowed to be fingly confined to the ear ; I mean the 
 great fignior Farinelli, to whom fuch crowds relbrt, 
 for the extafy he adminifters to them through that 
 organ, and who fo liberally requite his labours, that, 
 
 ii 
 5
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. II. i? 
 if he will but do them the favour to (lay two or three 
 years longer, and have two or three benefits more, they 
 will have nothing left but their ears to give him. 
 
 The felf-tickler is as unhappy as contemptible; 
 for, having none of the talents neceffary for tickling 
 of others, and confequently not worth being tickled 
 by others neither, he is reduced to tickle himfelf: 
 his own ears alone receive any titillation from his 
 own efforts. I know an eminent performer of this 
 kind, who, by being nearly related to a fkilful public 
 tickler, would fain fet up for the bufinefs himfelf, but 
 has met with fuch repeated difcouragements, that he 
 is reduced to the mortifying refource of felf-titillationj 
 in which he commits the moft horrid excefles. 
 
 Befides the proofs abovcmentioned, of the influence 
 of the ear in this country, many of our moft common 
 phrafes and exprefllons, from whence the genius of a 
 people may always be collected, demonftrate^ that the 
 ear is reckoned the principal and moft predominant 
 part of our whole mechanifm. As for inftance : 
 
 To have the caY of one's prince is underftood by 
 every body to mean having a good fhare of his au- 
 thority, if not the whole, which plainly hints how that 
 influence is acquired. 
 
 To have the ear of the firft minifter is the next, 
 if not an equal, advantage. I am therefore not fur- 
 prized, that fo confiderable a pofTeflion mould be fb 
 frequently attempted, and fo eagerly follicited, as we 
 may always obferve i: is. But I muft caution the 
 jperforr, who would make his fortune in this way, to 
 confine his attempt ftrictly to the ear in the fingujar 
 number ; a defign upon the ears, in the plural, of a 
 
 VOL. II. C firft
 
 iS LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 firft minifter being for the moft part rather difficds 
 
 and dangerous, however juft. 
 
 To give ear to a perfon implies, giving credit, 
 being convinced, and being guided by that perfon ; 
 all this by the fuccefs of his endeavours upon that 
 prevailing organ. 
 
 To lend 1 an ear is fomething lefs, but ftill inti- 
 mates a willingnefs and tendency in- the lender to be- 
 prevailed upon by a little more tickling of that part. 
 Thus the knding of an ear is a fure prefage of fuccefs 
 to- a fkilful tickler. For example, a perfon,. who lends, 
 an: ear to a minifter, feldom fails of putting them 
 both in his power foon afterwards , and, when a fine 
 woman lends an ear to a lover, me mews a difpofition 
 at leaft to further and future titillation. 
 
 To be deaf, and to flop one's ears, are common and 
 known expreflions, to fignify a total refufal and re- 
 jection of a perfon or propofirion ; in which cafe I 
 have often obferved the manual application to fucceed 
 by a, ftrong vellication or vigorous pereufiion of the 
 outward membranes of the ea. 
 
 There cannot be a ftronger instance of the great 
 value that has always been fet upon thefe parts, than 
 the conftant manner of expreffing the utmoft and 
 moft ardent defire people can have for any thing,, 
 by faying they would " give their ears'* for it ,. 
 a price fo great, that it is feldom either paid or re- 
 quired. Witnefs the numbers of people actually 
 wearmg: their ears ftill,. who in juftice have long fince 
 forfeited them. 
 
 Over head, and ears would be a mwiifeRpIecnafmttfi 
 the head being higher than the ears^ were not the ears 
 
 reckoned
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. If. 19 
 reckoned fo much more valuable than all the reft of 
 the head, as to make it a true climax. 
 
 It were unnecefTary to mention, as farther proofs of 
 the importance and dignity of thofe organs, that 
 pulling, boxing, or cutting off the ears, are the high- 
 eft infults that choleric men of honor can either give 
 or receive j which fhews that the ear is the feut of 
 honor as well as of pleafure. 
 
 The anatomifts have difcovered, that there is an 
 intimate correfpondence between the palm of the 
 hand and the ear, and that a previous application to 
 the hand communicates itfelf inftantly, by the force 
 and velocity of attraction, to the ear, and agreeably 
 prepares that part to receive and admit of titillation. 
 I muft fay too, that I have known this pra&ifed with 
 fuccefs upon very confiderable peribns of both fexes. 
 
 Having thus demonftrated, by many inftances, that 
 the ear is the moft material part in the whole me- 
 chanifm of our ftruclure, and that it is both the feat 
 and fource of honor, power, pleafure, and pain, I 
 cannot conclude without an earneft exhortation to all 
 my country-folks, of whatfoever rank or fex, to take 
 the utmoft care of their ears. Guard your ears, O 
 ye princes, for your power is lodged in your ears. 
 Guard your ears, ye nobles, for your honor lies in 
 your ears. Guard your ears, ye fair, if you would 
 guard your virtue. And guard your ears, all my 
 fellow-fubjects, if you would guard your liberties 
 and properties. 
 
 C 2 III,
 
 lo LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 IIL 
 FOG'S JOURNAL. 
 
 S A T u R D AY, April i o, 1736. N 3 8 3, 
 
 TT A VING in a former paper fet forth the valua- 
 * -*- ble privileges and prerogatives of the EAR, I 
 fhould be very much wanting to another material 
 part of our competition, if I did not do juftice ta 
 the EYES, and (hew the influence they either have, or 
 ought to have, in Great Britain. 
 
 While the eyes- of my countrymen were in a great 
 meafure the part that directed, the whole people faw 
 for themfelves -, feeing was called believing, and was 
 a lenfe fo much trufted to, that the eyes of the body 
 and thofe of the mind were, in fpeaking, indifferently 
 made ufe of for one another. But I am forry to 
 fay that the cafe is now greatly altered ; and* I ob- 
 ferve with concern an epidemical blindnefs, or, at 
 leaft, a general weaknefs and diftruft of the eyes, fcat- 
 tered over this whole kingdom, from which we may 
 juftly apprehend the vvorfl confequences. 
 
 This obfervation muft have, no doubt, occurred 
 to all who frequent public places, whom, inftead of 
 feeing fo-many eyes employed, as ufual, either in look- 
 ing at one another, or in viewing, attentively tha ob- 
 ject that brings them there, we find modeftly dele- 
 gating their faculty to glafTes of all forts and fizes, to 
 fee for them. I remarked this more particularly at" 
 an opera I was at, the beginning of this winter, where 
 Polypheme was almoft chs only perfon in the houfc 
 
 thai
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. III. 21 
 that had two eyes ; the reft had but one apiece, and 
 that a glafs one. 
 
 As I cannot account for this general decay of our 
 optics from any natural caufe, not having obferved 
 any alteration in our climate or manner of living, 
 confiderable enough to have brought fo fuddcnly 
 upon us this univerfal fhort-fightednefs , I cannot but 
 entertain fbme fufpicions, that their pretended helps 
 to the fight are rather deceptions of it, and the in- 
 ventions of wicked and defigning perfons, to repre- 
 fent objects in that light, fhape, fize, and number, in 
 which it is their inclination or intereft to have them 
 beheld. I mall communicate to the public the 
 grounds of my fufpicion. 
 
 The honeft plain fpectacles and reading-glairs 
 were formerly the refuge only of aged and decayed 
 eyesj they accompanied grey hairs, and in fomc 
 meafure fhared their refpect ; they magnified the ob- 
 ject a little, but ftill they reprefented it in its true 
 light and figure. Whereas now the variety of re- 
 finements upon this firft ufeful invention have per- 
 fuaded the vpuflgeft, the ftrongeft, and the fineft 
 'eyes in the world out of their faculty, and convinced 
 them, that, for the true difcerning of objects, they 
 muft have recourfe to fome of thefe media ; nay, 
 into fuch difrepute js the natural fight now fallen, 
 that we may obferve, while one eye is employed in 
 the glafs, the other is carefully covered with the hand, 
 or painfully fhut, not without Ihocking distortions of 
 the countenance. 
 
 It is very well known, that there are not above 
 
 tljree or four eminent operators for thefe portable or 
 
 C 3 pocket
 
 22 LORD CHfeSTkRFIELD'S 
 pocket-eyes, and that they engrofs that whole bufi- 
 nefs. Now, as thefe perfons are neither of them peo- 
 ple of quality, who are always above fucb infamous 
 tind dirty motives, it is not unreafonable to fuppofq 
 that they may be liable to a pecuniary influence , nor 
 confequently is it improbable that an adminiftration 
 mould think it worth its while, even at a large ex- 
 pence, to fecure thofe few that are to fee for the bulk 
 of the whole nation. This furely deferves our at- 
 tention. 
 
 It is moil certain, that great numbers of people 
 already fee objects in a very different light from what 
 they were ever feen in before by the naked and un- 
 deluded eye ; which can only be afcribed to the mif- 
 reprefentations of fome of thefe artificial media, of 
 xvhich I mall enumerate the different kinds that have 
 come to my knowledge. 
 
 The looking-glafs, which for many ages was the 
 minifter and counfellor of the fair fex, has now 
 greatly extended its jurifdiclion ; every body knows 
 that that glafs is backed with quickfilver, to hinder 
 it from being diaphanous ; fo that it flops the be- 
 holder, and prefents him again to himfelf. Here his 
 views center all in himfelf, and dear felf alone is the 
 object of his contemplations. This kind of glafs, I 
 am allured, is now the moft common of any, efpe- 
 cially among people of diftinction, infomuch that 
 nine in ten of the glafles that we daily fee levelled 
 at the public are in reality not diaphanous, but agree- 
 ably return the looker to himfelf, while his attention 
 {eems to be employed upon others. 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. III. * 3 
 The reflecting telefcope has of late gained ground 
 confiderabiy, not only among the ladies, who chiefly 
 view one another through that medium, but has even 
 found it's way into the cabinets of princes ; in both 
 which cafes it fuggeds reflections to thofe, who be- 
 fore were not apt to make many, 
 
 The microfcope, or magnifying glafs, is an -en- 
 gine of dangerous confequence, though much in 
 vogue : it fwells the minuted object to a moft mon- 
 ftrous fize, heightens the d-eformity, and even de- 
 forms the beauties of nature. When the fined hair 
 appears like a tree, and the fmeft pore like an abyfs, 
 what difagreeable reprefentations may it exhibit, and 
 what fatal midakes may it mutually occafion between 
 the two fexes ! Nature has formed all objects for t!iat 
 point of view in which they appear to the naked 
 eye ; their perfection lefier.s in proportion as they 
 leave out that point, and many a Venus would ceafe 
 to appear one, even to her lover, were Ihe, by the 
 help of a microfcope, to be viewed in the ambient 
 cloud of her infenfible perfpiration. I bar Mrs. 
 Ofborne's returning my microfcope upon me, fmcc 
 I leave her in quiet pofTeffion of the fpectacles, and 
 even of the reading-glades, if me can make ufe of 
 them. 
 
 There is another kind of glafs now in great ufe, 
 which is the oblique glafs, whofe tube, leveled in a 
 ftrait line at one object, receives another in at the 
 fide, fo that the beholder feems to be looking at one 
 perfon, while another intirely engrofies his attention. 
 This is a notorious engine of treachery and deceit ; 
 an,d yet, they fay, it is for the mod part mads ufe of 
 C 4 by
 
 34. LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 by minifters to their friends, and ladies to their 
 
 hufbands. 
 
 The fmoked glafs, that darkens even the luftre of 
 the fun, rnuft of courfe throw the blacked dye upon 
 all other objects. This, though the moil infernal 
 invention of all, is far from being unpra&ifed ; and 
 I knew a gentlewoman, who, in order to keep her 
 hufband at home, and in her own power, had his 
 whole houfe glazed with it, fo that the poor gentle- 
 man fhut up his door, and neither went abroad, nor 
 let any body in, for fear of converfing, as he thought, 
 with fo many devils. 
 
 The dangers that may one day threaten our con- 
 ftitution in general, as well as particular perfons, 
 from the variety of thefe mifchievous inventions, are 
 fo obvious, that they hardly need be pointed out: 
 however, as my countrymen cannot be too much 
 warned againfl it, I fhall hint at thofe that terrify me 
 the moft. 
 
 Suppofe we mould ever have a mort-fighted prince 
 upon the throne, though otherwile juft, brave, and 
 wife ; who can anfwer for his glafs-grinder, and con- 
 fequently, who can tell through what medium, and 
 in what light, he may view the moil important ob- 
 jecls ? or who can anfwer for the perfons that are tq 
 take pare of his glaffes, and prefent them to him 
 upon occafion ? may not they change them, and flip 
 a wrong one upon him, as their intereil may require, 
 and tHus magnify, leffen, multiply, deform, or 
 blacken, as they think proper ; nay, and by means 
 of the oblique glafs abovementioned, mew him even 
 pne objeft fpr another ? Y/here would the eye of
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. III. 25 
 the mafter be then ? where would be that eye divine- 
 ly deputed to watch over ? but fhrunk and con- 
 tracted within the narrow circle of a deceitful tube. 
 
 On the other hand, fhould future parliaments, by- 
 arts of a defigning minifter, with the help of a cor- 
 rupted glafs- grinder, have delufive and perverfive 
 glades (lipped upon them, what might they fee? or 
 what might they not fee? nobody can tell. lam 
 fure every body ought to fear they might pofiibly 
 behold a numerous (landing army in time of peace, 
 as an inoffenfive and pleafing object, nay, as a fecn- 
 rity to our liberties and properties. They might fee 
 our riches increafe by new debts, and our trade by 
 fiigh duties ; and they might look upon the corrupt 
 furrender of their own power to the crown, as the 
 beft protection of the rights of the people. Should 
 this ever happen to be the cafe, we may be fure it 
 mult be by the interpofition of fome ftrange medium, 
 fince thefe objects were never viewed in this light by 
 th naked and unaflifted eyes of our anceftors. 
 
 In this general confidcration, there is a particular 
 one that affects me more than all the red, as the con- 
 fequence of it would be the word. There is a body 
 pf men, who, by the wifdom and for the happi- 
 nefs of our conftitution, make a confiderable part of 
 our parliament ; all, or, at lead, mod of thefe vener- 
 able perfons, arc, by great age, long (ludy, or a low 
 mortified way of living, reduced to have recourfe to 
 glafics. Now fhould their media be abufed, and po- 
 litical tranflative ones be flipped upon them, what 
 fcandal would their innocent, but mifguided conduct 
 bring upon religion, and what joy would it give, at 
 
 this
 
 . 2 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 this time particularly, to the di Heritors ? Such as, I 
 am fure, no true member of our church can think of 
 without horror ! I am the more apprehenfive of this, 
 from the late revival of an act that flourished with 
 idolatry, and that had .expired with it, I mean the 
 Gaining of glafs. That medium, which throws 
 ftrange and various colours upon all objects, was 
 formerly facred to our churches, and confequently 
 may, for aught I know, in the intended revival of 
 our true church difcipline, be thought a candidate 
 .worthy of our favour and reception, and fo a itained 
 medium be eftablifhed as the true, orthodox, and 
 canonical one. 
 
 I have found it much eafier to point out the 
 miichiefs 1 apprehend, than the means of obviating 
 or remedying them, though I have turned it every 
 way in my thoughts. 
 
 To have a certain number of perfons appointed to 
 examine and licenfe all the glafles that mould be ufed 
 in this kingdom, would be lodging fo great a truft in 
 thofe perfons, that the temptations to betray it would 
 be exceedingly great too -, and it is to be feared that 
 people of quality would not take the trouble of it, 
 fo that, Quis cuftcdiat ipfos cuftodes ? (By whom will 
 thefe keepers be kept ?) 
 
 I once thought of propofing, that a committee of 
 both houfes of parliament mould be vefted with thats 
 power: but I immediately laid that afide, for rea- 
 fons which I am not obliged to communicate to the 
 public. 
 
 At laft, defpairing to find out any legal method 
 that mould prove effectual, I refolved to content iny- 
 
 felf
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. III. ; a ? 
 felf with an earned exhortation to all my country- 
 folks, of whatfoever rank or fcx, to fee with their 
 own eyes, or not fee at all, blindnefs being preferable 
 to error. 
 
 See then with your own eyes, ye princes, though 
 weak or dim : they will dill give you a fairer and 
 truer reprefentation of objedts, than you will ever 
 have by the interpofition of any medium whatfoever. 
 Your fubjecls are placed in their proper point of 
 view for your natural fight ; viewing them in that 
 point, you will fee that your happinefs confifts in 
 theirs, your greatnefs in their riches, and your power 
 in their affections. 
 
 See likewife with your own eyes, ye people, and 
 reject all proffered media: view even your princes 
 with your natural fight ; the true rays of majefty are 
 friendly to the weakeft eye, or, if they dazzle and 
 fcorch, it is owing to the interpofition of burning- 
 glaffes. Deftroy thofe pernicious media* and you will 
 be pleafed with the fight of one another. 
 
 In fhort, let the natural retrieve their credit, and re- 
 fume their power ; we mail then fee things as they 
 really are, which muft end in the confufion of thofe 
 whofe hopes and interefts are founded upon mifrepre- 
 fentations and deceit. 
 
 IV.
 
 ** LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 IV. 
 
 O M M O N SENSE*. 
 
 SATURDAY, February 5, 1737. N j, 
 
 Rarus enim fernie fenfus communis JtTV, 
 Nothing fo rare as common fenfe. 
 
 A PREFACE is, by long cuftom, become fo nc- 
 ceffary a pare of a book, that, fhould an au- 
 thor now omit that previous ceremony, he would be 
 accufed of preemption, and be fuppofed to imagine 
 that his performance was above wanting any recom- 
 mendation. By a preface, an author prefents him- 
 fclf to the public, and begs their friendfhip and pro- 
 tection ; if he does it gracefully and genteelly, he is 
 well received, like many a fine gentleman upon the 
 flrength of his firft addrefs. Befides, were it not for 
 the modeft encomiums, which authors generally be- 
 ftow upon themfelves in their prefaces, their works 
 would often die nnpraifed, and fomctimes unread. 
 
 A weekly writer, I know, is not of a rank to pre- 
 tend to a preface ; but an humble introduction is ex- 
 
 * This paper, in which feveral perfons of eminence \vere con- 
 cerned, was partly political, and on the fide of oppofitiou, but 
 moftly moral, and calculated for the improvement of manners and 
 tafte. Lord Lytttlton was one of the writers ; and the papers which 
 fell from his pen have been inferted in the collection of his works. 
 
 Thofe which are here given fufficiently (hew, by the original 
 
 turn and admirable management of irony difcernible in them, the 
 
 roafterly hand from which they came. Our authority, however, for 
 
 producing them as lord Chefterfield's, is that of one of his particular 
 
 t .friends, to whom his lordfhip gave the Ulr, which we have followed. 
 
 peeled
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IV. 29 
 peeled from him. He muft make his bow to the 
 public at his firft appearance, let them a little into 
 his defign, and give them a fample of what they are 
 to expect from him afterwards. 
 
 In this cafe, it may be equally unhappy for him to 
 give himfelf out, like IE fop's fellow- flaves, for one 
 that can do every thing, or, like JEfop, for one that 
 can do nothing ; for, if he fpeaks too afTumingly, 
 the world will revolt againft him, and, if too mo- 
 deftly, be apt to take him at his word. 
 
 Thefe confiderations determined me to make this 
 firft paper ferve as an introduction to my future la* 
 bours, though I am fenfible that a weekly author is 
 in a very different fituation from an author in the 
 lump. If a wholefale dealer can, by an infinuating 
 preface, prevail with people to buy the whole piece, 
 his bufinefs is done, and it is too late for the deluded 
 purehafer to repent, be the goods never fo flimfy; 
 but a weekly retailer is conftantly bound to his good 
 behaviour. He, like fome others, holds both his 
 honors and profits only durante bene placito-, and 
 whatever may be the fuccefs of his firft endeavours, 
 as foon as he flags in his painful hebdomadal courfe, 
 he is rigoroufly ftruck off at once from his two-penny 
 eftablilhment. 
 
 Another difficulty, that occurred to me, was the 
 prefent great number of my weekly brethren, witb 
 whom all people, except the ftationers and the 
 Stamp-office, think themfelves already over-ftoeked ; 
 but this difficulty upon farther confideration leffened. 
 
 As for the London Journal, it cannot poflibly inter- 
 fere with me, as appears from the very title of my 
 
 paper;
 
 jo LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 paper *, moreover, I was informed, that paper of the 
 fame fize and goodnefs as the London Journal, being 
 to be had much cheaper imprinted and undamped, 
 and yet as ufeful to all intents and purpofes, was now 
 univerfally preferred. 
 
 Fog's Journal, by a natural progreffion from Mift 
 to Fog, is now condenfed into a cloud, and only ufed 
 by way of wet brown paper, in cafe of falls and con- 
 tufions. 
 
 The Craftfman was the only rival that gave me any 
 concern , that being the only one, I thought there 
 was world enough for us both, and perfuaded myfelf 
 that, \vifer than Casfar and Pompey, we mould con- 
 tent ourfelves with dividing it between us ; befides 
 that, I never obferved Mr. D'Anvers to be an enemy 
 to common fenfe. 
 
 Being a man of great learning, I have, in chlifing 
 the name of my paper, had before my eyes that ex- 
 cellent precept of Horace to authors, to begin mo- 
 deftly, and not to promife more than they are able to 
 perform, and keep up to the laft. I have therefore 
 only entitled it Common Senfe, which is all I pretend 
 to myfelf, and no more than what, I dare fay, the 
 humbleft of my readers pretends to likewife. 
 
 But, as a farther encouragement and invitation to 
 the public to try me, I declare, that though 1 only 
 promife them common fenfe, yet if I have any wie 
 they fhall have it into the bargain. Wherefore I de- 
 fire my cu Homers to look upon this weekly expence 
 as a two-penny ticket in a lottery : it may poffibly 
 come up wit, and if a blank, at worft, common 
 fenfe. 
 
 But,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IV. ~* 
 But, as modefty is the beft recommendation to 
 great minds, on the other fide it is apt to prejudice 
 little ones, who miitake it for ignorance, or guilt ; 
 therefore, that I may not fuffer by it with the latter, 
 I mud repeat a known obfervation, that common 
 fenfe is no fuch common thing. I could give many 
 inftances of this truth, if I would, but decline it at 
 prefent, and chvtfe to refer my readers to their feveral 
 friends and acquaintance. 
 
 Should I here be afked then what I mean by com- 
 mon fenfe, if it is fo uncommon a thing, I confefs I 
 (hould be at a lofs to know how to define it. I take 
 common fenfe, like common honefty, rather to be 
 called common, becaufe it mould be fo, than becaufe 
 it is fo. It is rather that rule, by which men judge 
 of other people's actions, than direct their own , the 
 plain refult of right reafon admitted by all," and 
 practifed by few. 
 
 An ingenious dramatic aushor has confidered com- 
 mon fenfe as fo extraordinary a thing, that he has 
 lately, with great wit and humor, not only perfon-- 
 jfied it, but dignified it too with the title of a queen. 
 Though I am not fure that had I been to perfonify 
 common fenfe, I mould have borrowed my figure 
 from that fex, yet as he has added the regal dignity, 
 which by the law of the land removes all defects, I 
 wave any objection. The fair fex in general, queens 
 excepted, are infinitely above plain downright com- 
 mon fenfe ; fprightiy fancy and mining irregularities 
 are their favourites, in which defpairing to fatisfy, 
 though deGrous to pleafe them, I have, in order to 
 be of forne ufe to them, ftipulated with my ftationer, 
 7
 
 3z LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 that my paper fhall be of the propereft fort for pin- 
 ning up of their hair. As the new French fafhion 
 is very favourable to me in this particular, I flatter 
 myfelf, they will not difdain to have fome common 
 fenfe about their heads at fo eafy a rate. 
 
 Should I ever, as pofilbly I often may, be ex-* 
 tremely dull, I will not, as fome of my predeceflbrs 
 have done, pretend that it was by defign, for I pro- 
 teft that I do not intend it ; but in that cafe, I claim 
 my fhare in the prefent general indulgence to dulnefs, 
 of being thought the wifer for it, and hope to meet 
 with fympathetic nods of approbation from the moft 
 iblid of my readers. Moreover, I fhall go on the 
 longer and the fafer for it, dulnefs being the ballad 
 of the mind, that fits it for a Jong voyage, keeps it 
 ileddy, and fecures it from the gufts of fancy and 
 imagination. 
 
 I cannot help thinking how very advantageous it 
 may be to a great many people to purchafe my pa- 
 per, were it only for the fake of the title. Have you 
 read common fenfe ? Have you got common fenfe ? 
 are queftions which one fhould be very forry not to 1 
 be able to anfwer in the affirmative; and yet, in or- 
 der to be able to do it with truth, a precaution of 
 this kind may poffibly not be unneceflary, at lead it 
 can do no hurt. 
 
 As to the defign of my paper, it is to take in all 
 iubjecls whatfoever, and try them by the itandard of 
 common fenfe. I (hall eredl a kind of tribunal, for 
 the crimina lafi fenfus communis^ or the pleas of com- 
 mon fenfe. But the method of proceeding muft be 
 different from that of other courts, or it would be 
 4 contrary
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IV. 33 
 contrary to the meaning and inftitution of this. The 
 caufe of common fenfe fhall be pleaded in common 
 fenfe. Let not the guilty hope to efcape, or the in- 
 nocent fear being puzzled, delayed, ruined, or con- 
 demned. 
 
 It would be endlefs for me to enumerate the va- 
 rious branches of the jurifdiction cf this court, fince 
 every thing, more or lefs, falls under its cognizance. 
 The poflcflion or the want of common fenfe appears 
 proportionably in the lowed, as well as in the higheft, 
 tranfactions ; and a king, and a cobler, without it, 
 will equally bungle in their refpeclive callings. The 
 ouicquid agunt homines (actions of men) is my pro- 
 vince ; and homines comprehends, not only all men, 
 but all women too, that is, as far as they are to be 
 comprehended. The conduct of the fair fex will 
 therefore come under my confideration , but with 
 this indulgence, which is due to them, that, in try- 
 ing their actions by the ftraight rule of common fenfe, 
 I mall make proper allowances for thofe pretty ob- 
 liquities and deviations from it, which great viva- 
 city, lively pafiions, and confcious beauty, frequently 
 occafion, and in fome meafure juftify. 
 
 The fine gentlemen cannot hope to efcape trial, 
 were it only as acceflaries to their fair principals. I 
 am aware, that they wiJl cavil at the jurifdiclicn cf 
 the court, and will alledge, if they know how, that 
 they are brought coram nsn judice (before an incom- 
 petent judge). I acknowledge too, that they haye a 
 prefumptive kind of exemption from inquiries and 
 profecutions of this nature; but as-jhis connivance, 
 if too long indulged, might grow into a right, I mud 
 
 VOL, II. D infift
 
 34. LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 infill upon their appearing fometimes in court, where 
 they fhall meet with all the lenity that is due to 
 their birth and education. 
 
 But let all authors, from right honorable, or right 
 reverend, down to the humbled inhabitant in Grub- 
 ftreet, refpect and tremble at the jurifdiction of the 
 court. With them I difclaim all lenity, as they are 
 generally the mod daring and boldeft offenders. I 
 mall try them by my rule, as the tyrant Procruftes 
 tried his fubje&s by his bed, and will, without mercy, 
 ftretch out thofe that fall fhort of it, and cut oif from 
 thofe who go beyond it. 
 
 I am fenfible that common fenfe has lately met 
 with very great difcouragement in the noble fcience 
 of politics ; our chief profefibrs having thought them- 
 felves much above thofe obvious rules that had been 
 followed by our anceftors, and that lay open to vul- 
 gar \inderftandings ; they have weighed the interefts 
 of Europe in nicer fcales, and fetded them in fo de- 
 licate a balance, that the lead blad affects it. For 
 my part, I fhall endeavour to bring them back to- 
 the old folid Englilh dandard of common fenfe ; 
 but if by that means any gentlemen, who didinguifli 
 themfelves in that fublime fphere, mould be at a 
 Jofs for bufmefs, and appear totally unqualified for 
 it, I hope they will not lay their misfortunes to my 
 Charge, fince it is none of my fault, if their interefts 
 and thofe of common fenfe happen to be incom- 
 patible. 
 
 If, in domedic affairs too, I fliould find that com- 
 mon fenfe has been neglected, I Hi all take the liberty 
 to alTert its rights, and reprdent the juftice, as well 
 
 as
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IV. 35 
 as the expediency, of reftoring it to its former credit 
 and dignity. Our conftitution is founded upon com- 
 mon fenfe itfelf, and every deviation from one is a 
 violation of the other. The feveral degrees and 
 kinds of power, wifely allotted to the feveral con- 
 flituent parts of our legiflature, can only be altered 
 by thole who have no more common fenfe than 
 common honefty. Such offenders fhall be proceeded 
 againft as guilty of high-treaion, and fufter the fe- 
 vereit punifhment. 
 
 I forefee all the dif&culties I am to ftruggle with 
 in the courfe of this undertaking ; and fee the im- 
 probability, if not the impoffibility, that common 
 fenfe mould fmgly, by its own weight and merit, 
 make its way into the world, and retrieve its loft 
 empire. But as many valuable things in themfelves 
 have owed their reception and eftabli foment, not to 
 their own intrinfic worth, but to fome lucky hit, or 
 favourable concurrence of circumftances ; fo fomc 
 fuch accident in my favour is what I more rely upon 
 than the merit of my paper, mould it have any. 
 Fafhion, which prevails nobody knows how, can in- 
 troduce what reafon would in vain recommend ; and 
 as, by the circulation of fafliions, the old ones revive 
 after a certain interval, the fafhion of common fenfe 
 feems to have been laid afide long enough to have a 
 fair chance now for revival. 
 
 If therefore any fine woman, in good humour on. 
 a Saturday morning, would be plealecl to drop a 
 word in my favour, and fay, " It is a good comical 
 paper ;" or any man of quality, at the head of talie, 
 be fo kind as to fay, " It is not a bad thing -," I 
 D 2 Ihoul4
 
 3 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fhould become the famion, and be univerfally bought 
 up at lead : and as for being read or not, it is other 
 people's bufinefs, not mine. 
 
 As I am fcrupulous even to delicacy in all my 
 engagements, I muft premife that, in intitling my 
 paper Common Senfe, I only mean the firft haif- 
 fheet, or it may be a column of the next-, the reft 
 of the paper, which will contain the events foreign 
 and domeftic, I am very far from promifing mail 
 have any relation at all to common fenfe. But, as 
 the chief profits of a weekly writer arife from thence, 
 the world, which at lead reafons very juftly upon 
 that fubject, would, I am fure, think that I wanted 
 common fenfe mylelf, if I neglected them. 
 
 Upon the whole, my intention is to rebuke vice, 
 correct errors, reform abufes, and fhame folly and 
 prejudice, without regard to any thing but common 
 fenfe ; which, as it implies common decency too, I 
 fhaH confine rnyfelf to things, and not attack per- 
 fons , it being my defire to improve or amufe every 
 body, without fliockiog any body. 
 
 I do not think it neceflary, at kaft yet, to give 
 the public any information as to my perfon ; let my 
 paper (land upon its own legs. My prefent relblu- 
 tion is to keep my name concealed, unlefs my fuccefs 
 fhould fome day or other tempt my vanity to di 
 cover it. All I will fay at prefent is, that I never 
 appeared in print before; and if I fhould not meet 
 with fome encouragement now, I fhall withdraw rny- 
 fclf to my former retirements, and there indulge 
 thole oddnefTes that compoie my character; the de- 
 
 icriptioii
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IV. V. 37 
 fcription of which, if I go on, may fome time or 
 other entertain my readers. 
 
 V. 
 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 SATURDAY, February 19, 1737. N 3. 
 
 BERNIER informs us of a very extraordinary 
 cuftom, which prevails to this day in the em- 
 pire of the Mogol. His imperial majefty is annually 
 weighed upon his birth-day ; and if it appears that, 
 fince his former weighing, he has made any con- 
 fiderable acquisition of flefh, it is matter of public 
 rejoicings throughout his whole dominions. Upon 
 that great day too, his fubjecls are obliged to make 
 him prefents, which feldom amount to lefs than 
 thirty millions. 
 
 This feems to be a cuftom which, like many cuf- 
 toms in other countries, is merely obferved for an- 
 tiquity or form-fake ; but the original purpofe, for 
 which it was at firft wifely eftablifhed, is either neg- 
 lected or quite forgotten : or it is impoffible to ima- 
 gine, that his Mogol majefty's good and loyal fub- 
 jccts mould find fuch matter of joy in the literal in- 
 creafe of their fovereign's materiality, which muft of 
 courfe render him lefs qualified for the functions and 
 duties of his government , fo that it is more reafon- 
 ably to be prefumed, that, as all the oriental nations 
 chufe to convey their precepts of religion, morality, 
 and government, through hieroglyphics, types, and 
 D 3 emblems,
 
 3 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 emblems, this cuftom was originally allegorical, and 
 Jignified the political increafe of his majefty's weight 
 as to credit, power, and dominion ; which might 
 juftly adminifter great joy to his faithful fubjecls. 
 
 Or, to carry my conjecture a little farther, is it inv 
 poffible that his now abfolute empire might formerly- 
 have been a limited one ; the equal balance of which 
 if might be necefTary often to examine, in order to 
 preferve it in its juft equilibrium ? In which cafe, it 
 is highly probable, that his majefty was weighed 
 againit fome countwpoife ; or, to fpeak plainer, the 
 prerogative of the prince might be examined with re- 
 lation to the rights and privileges of the fubjecT. 
 What confirms me the more in this opinion, is the 
 choice of the day for the operation. Jt was his facred 
 majetty's birth-day, a day in which he was fuppofed 
 to be in good humour -, and the prefents were of a 
 nature to put him in good humour, in cafe they had 
 not found him fo : which circumftances feem to be 
 meant as preparatory fweeteners to a ceremony, that 
 would not otherwife have been very agreeable to him. 
 
 It will be no objection to my conjecture to alledge 
 the prefent abfolute form of that government; fince 
 a very little knowledge of hiftory will fhew us, that 
 the moft abfolute governments now in the world have 
 been originally free ones, and only bought, bullied, 
 or beaten, out of their liberties. 
 
 This may very probably have been the cafe in 
 Indoftan, where the nobles and reprefentatives of the 
 people might think it both civil and prudent not to 
 weigh quite fair againft his majefty; but to lighten 
 their own icale, that he might preponderate a little. 
 
 This
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. V. 39 
 This little by degrees increafed the bulk of their fuc- 
 ceflbrs, by continually adding more and more to it. 
 
 The fuperiority of weight probably pleafcd his ma- 
 jefty, and gave him a relifh for more ; which thefe 
 great annual prefents, fwelling up his civil lift, en- 
 abled him the better to gratify, by having where- 
 withal to corrupt the weighers on the part of the no- 
 bles and the people, till by degrees the whole weight 
 was thrown into the royal fcale, without any counter- 
 poiie. By fuch gradations this cuftom, originally 
 cilablimed for the fecurity of the conftitution, may 
 have dwindled into a mere pompous ceremony, and 
 an expenfive rarcefhow annually exhibited to a co- 
 zened people, in exchange for their liberties. 
 
 Would I follow the example of the mod eminent 
 critics, I could fupport thefe my criticifms and con- 
 jectures by innumerable authorities both antient and 
 modern ; and prove, beyond contradiction, from 
 the natural hiftory of fat, that it is impoffible a fo- 
 vcreign can defire that great increafs of his corporal 
 bulk, or a good fubject rejoice in it. But I fhall 
 content myfelf with a few. 
 
 Fat and ftupidity are looked upon as fuch infepara- 
 ble companions, that they are ufcd as fynonymous 
 terms; and all the properties of corporal materiality, 
 when applied to the mind, intimate flownefs, heavi- 
 nefs, dulnefs, and fuch like qualities. 
 
 The pinguis Minerva of the antients (hews us their 
 opinion, that, if even the goddefs of arts and wif- 
 dom herfelf were to grow fat, (he would grow ftupid 
 too \ which, if lance for a god or goddcfs, may furely, 
 ivith all clue regard, be fauce for a king or queen. 
 
 D 4 Horace's
 
 *o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Horace's pingue ingenhim^ or fat head, means by the 
 fame figure a puzzled, dull, impenetrable one. 
 
 The very air the Boeotians breathed was, from their 
 ftupidity, called a fat one ; and at this day, a neigh- 
 bouring nation, not leis eminent than the Boeotians 
 for the fedatenefs and tranquillity of their genius, 
 are likewife diftinguifhed by the weight and circum- 
 ference of their bodies. 
 
 After thefe inflances, it would not only be un- 
 candid, but indecent, to fuppofe that any fovereign 
 would defire to clog and encumber, by a load of 
 flefli, thole faculties upon whofe clearnefs and quick- 
 nefs the welfare of his fubjects, and his own glory, 
 ib much depend ; befides that even bodily agility is 
 highly neceffary for a prince. A light, clever, active 
 monarch can with more frequency and celerity vifit 
 his remoteft dominions, where his prefence may often 
 be required. His military operations too may re- 
 ceive great luftre and advantage from the agility of 
 his perfon 5 not to mention what a fatal hindrance a 
 prominent abdomen would prove to his royal . exer- 
 citations in the feraglio. 
 
 Having thus proved that this cuftom muft ori- 
 ginally have been only emblematical, and never 
 meant literally as an annual regifter, or rather bill of 
 fare, of the real pounds of flefh his Indian majefty 
 may get or lofe in the courfe of a year, let us 
 examine a little whether this cuftom may not de- 
 ferve, in future times, adoption here, and be ad- 
 vantageoufly introduced into our conftitution. 
 
 Methinks even our conftitution itielf points out 
 
 to us this very method of preferving it ; the three 
 
 6 conftituent
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. V. 41 
 conftituent parts of the fupreme legiflative power 
 form a kind of a political trilanx, to each fcale of 
 which a due fort and proportion of weight is wifely- 
 allotted, that they may all hang even, and yet, with 
 all fubmiflion to a right reverend prelate, indepen- 
 dent of each other. What then more natural than 
 an annual examination and infpection of this trilanx? 
 
 That this method of weighing ftates and empires 
 is very antient, appears from. Homer, who tells us, 
 that Jupiter himfelf weighed the fates of Greece and 
 Troy : by what kind of fcale he weighed them, I 
 do not find, either in Euftathius, or any other com- 
 mentator; but it is only evident by the fide that 
 prevailed, that it could not be Troy weight. 
 
 Such, I acknowledge, is the happinefs of our pre- 
 fent times, fuch the wifdom and integrity of all thofe 
 who now compofe the legiflative power, and fuch the 
 nice equality of the fcales, that any caution of this 
 nature would be altogether^ unneceflary ; but com- 
 jnon -fenfe looks farther, and wifely provides againft 
 future, remote, and poflible dangers. 
 
 As therefore I apprehend no danger this century, 
 I only propofe this meafure to commence in the year 
 of our Lord 1800, when, as it is naturally to be 
 prefumed that all the perfons, of which the legifla- 
 tive power mall be compoied, will be fuch as are 
 now unborn, nobody can tell what may happen, nor 
 how neceflary it may be to weigh them frequently, and 
 with the greateft exactnefs. This too is the more 
 practicable here, becaufe we have the balance of Eu- 
 rope now ready in our hands for the pnrpofe : we 
 have held it with vaft credit and fuccefs, and infinite 
 
 advantage
 
 42 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 advantage of late, and no doubt lhall continue long 
 in poflefiion of it ; fo that the legiilature may certainly 
 borrow it of the miniftry a couple of days in the year 
 for this domeitic purpofe. 
 
 In the performing of this operation, it feems ab- 
 folutely neceffary that all interchangeable prefents, 
 betwixt the parties to be weighed, be iinctly prohi- 
 bited, as they might give an undue {hare of weight to 
 the fcale in which they maybe thrown, and have the 
 fame fatal confequences here, that, in my opinion, 
 they have already had in Indoftan ; and mould it ever 
 happen that, through politenefs, or any other motive, 
 grains and drachms mould be annually thrown into 
 the regal fcale, it muft in the end fo far preponderate, 
 that it will be difficult, if not impoffible, to retrieve 
 it: nay, another cafe might happen, that would be 
 very ridiculous, which is, if the regal fcale and the 
 popular fcale, at the two extremities of the beam, 
 fnould both be loaded with the fpoils of the middle 
 one, that middle one would ft ill keep dangling, 
 though quite empty. 
 
 What has been faid hitherto relates only to meta- 
 phorical weight, and is meant to recommend to the 
 ferious care and attention of posterity the prefervation 
 of our happy conftitution, and to aclvife them to be , 
 watchful of any the leafl innovation in any part of it. 
 But I am not lure, whether the real literal weighing 
 of many individuals may not greatly contribute to 
 this good end ; and I am the more confirmed in this 
 opinion by an experiment of that kind, which, I am 
 informed, has been for fome years laft pall tried with 
 great fuccefs. 1 am affured that in a great hall, at 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. V. 43 
 the country feat of a very confiderable peribn in 
 Chriftendom, there is a very magnificent pair of 
 man fcales, where the mafter of the houfe and his 
 numerous guefts are annually weighed, and are as 
 annually found to increafe immenfely. This hint, I 
 think, may admit of great improvements ; fomething 
 of this kind, whether fcales or fteel-yards, can be moft 
 advantageoufly made ufe of the firft and laft day of 
 every feffion of parliament , though, in my humble 
 opinion, the fcale muft be found the more decent of 
 the two, becaufe it muft appear ludicrous, and con- 
 fequently turn the whole ceremony into a kind of 
 farce, to fee the people of the firft rank, both in 
 church and ftate, dangling and fprawling at the end 
 of a fteel-yard. 
 
 But it is certain, that to come fome way or other at 
 the intrinfic weight of the individuals who compofe 
 our legiflature, and to diftinguifh exactly betwixt that 
 intrinfic weight and the extraneous weight they may 
 be apt to acquire, would greatly tend to prcfcrve a 
 clue equilibrium between the collective bodies that 
 form our conftitution. 
 
 I mult own, many difficulties occur to me in this 
 i|ndertalving , but, as I am unwearied in my endea- 
 vours for the good of my country, I will turn this matter 
 in my thought, till I have reduced it to fome method 
 that may appear to me to be practicable, when I {hall 
 not fail communicating it to the world for the good 
 of pofterity. In the mean time, I mall think my- 
 jfelf obliged to any ingenious perfon who (hall fend 
 nie his thoughts upon this fubject, and help me to 
 2 alcercam
 
 44 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 afcertain the due weight of every individual, as well 
 as a true method of coming at it. 
 
 VI. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, February 26, 1737. N* 4. 
 
 H E Romans ufed to fay, ex fede Plercukm, or, 
 -* you may know Hercules by his foot, inti- 
 mating, that one may commonly judge of the whole 
 by a part. I confeis, I am myfelf very apt to judge 
 in this manner, and may, without pretending to an 
 uncommon (hare of fagacity, fay, that I have very 
 feldom found myfelf miftaken in it. It is impofiible 
 not to form to one's felf fome opinion of people 
 the firft time one fees them, from their air and drefs ; 
 and a fuit of cloaths has often informed me, with the 
 utmoft certainty, that the wearer had not common 
 fenfe. The Greeks (to difplay my learning) faid 
 Jfwnov avo, or, the drefs fhews the man ; and it is 
 certain, that "of all trifling things, there is none by 
 which people fo much difcover their natural turn of 
 mind, as by their drefs. In greater matters they 
 proceed more cautiously, nature is difguifed, and 
 weaknefies are concealed by art or imitation ; but in 
 drefs they give a loofe to their fancy, and, by de- 
 claring it an immaterial thing, though at the fame 
 time they do not think it fo, promife themfclves at 
 lead impunity in their greateil oddnefles and wildeft 
 excefles. I mall therefore, in this paper, confider 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VI. 45 
 the fubjeft of drefs by certain plain rules of com- 
 mon fenfe, which I mall ftridtly charge and require 
 all perfons to obferve. 
 
 As drefs is more immediately the province, not to 
 fay the pleafure, not to fay the care, not to fay the 
 whole ftudy, of the fair fex, I make my firft appli- 
 cation to them-, and I humbly beg their indulgence, 
 if the rules I (hall lay down mould prove a little con- 
 trary to thofe they have hitherto practifed. There is 
 a proper drefs for every rank, age, and figure, which- 
 thofe who deviate from are guilty of petty- treafon 
 againft common fenie ; to prevent which crime for 
 the future, I have fome thoughts of difpofing, in 
 proper parts of the town, a certain number of babies 
 in the ftatutable drefs for each rank, age, and figure* 
 which, like the 25tl\of Edward III, ftiall reduce that 
 matter to a preciiion. 
 
 Drefs, to be fenftble, muft be properly adapted to 
 the perfori , as, in writing, the ftyJe muft be fuited to 
 the fubjedV, which image may not unaptly be carried 
 on through the feveral branches of it. I am tar from 
 objecting to the magnificence of apparel, in thofe 
 whole rank and fortune juftify and allow it ; on the 
 contrary, it is a ufeful piece of luxury, by which the 
 poor and the induftrious are enabled to live, at the ex- 
 pence of the rich and the idle. I would no more 
 have a woman of quality drelTed in doggrel, than a 
 farmer's wife in heroics. But I hereby notify to the 
 profufe wives of induftrious tradefmen and honeft 
 yeomen, that all they get by dreffing above them- 
 felvea is the envy and hatred of their inferiors and 
 
 their
 
 46 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 their equals, with the contempt and ridicule of their 
 fuperiors. 
 
 To thofe of the firft rank in birth and beauty, I 
 recommend a noble fimplicity of drefs ; the fubjccli 
 fupports itfelf, and wants none of the borrowed helps 
 of external ornaments. Beautiful nature may be 
 disfigured, but cannot be improved, by art ; and as 
 I look upon a very handfome woman to be the fineft 
 fubjed: in nature, her drefs ought to be epic, modeft, 
 noble, and entirely free from the modern tinfel. I 
 therefore prohibit all concetti, and luxuriancies of 
 fancy, which only depreciate fo noble a fubjecl:; and 
 I muft do the handlbmeft women I know the juftice 
 to fay, that they keep the cleared from thefe ex- 
 travagances. Delia's good fenfe appears even in her 
 drefs, which fhe neither fludies nor neglects ; but, 
 by a decent and modeft conformity to the fafhion, 
 equally fhuns the triumphant pageantry of an over- 
 bearing beauty, or the infolent negligence of a con- 
 fcious one. 
 
 As For thofe of an inferior rank of beauty, fuch as 
 are only pretty women, and whofe charms refult ra- 
 ther from a certain air and je ne fais quoi in their 
 whole compofition, than from any dignity of figure,- 
 or fymmetry of features, I allow them greater licences 
 in their own ornaments, becaufe their fubjecl, not 
 being of the fublimelt kind, may receive fome ad- 
 vantages from the elegancy of ftyle, and the variety 
 of images. I, therefore, permit them to drefs up to 
 all the flights and fancies of the fonnct, the madrigal, 
 and fuch-like minor competitions. Flavia may ferve 
 -for a model of this kind ; her ornaments are her 
 
 amufernent,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VI. 47- 
 amufement, not h..-r care ; though (he mines in all 
 tlie gay and glittering images of drefs, the prettinefs 
 of the fubjedc warrants all the wantonnefs of the 
 fancy. And if fhe owes them a Juftre, which, it may 
 be, me would not have without them, fhe returns 
 them graces they could find no where elfe. 
 
 There is a third fort, who, with a perfect neutra- 
 lity of face, are neither handfome nor ugly, arid who 
 have nothing to recommend them, but a certain 
 fmart and genteel turn of little figure, quick and 
 lively. Thefe I cannot indulge in a higher ttyle than 
 the epigram, which mould be neat, clever, and un- 
 adorned, the whole to lie in the fting; and where 
 that lies, is unnecefiary to mention. 
 
 Having thus gone through the important article 
 of drefs, with relation to the three claffcs of my coun- 
 try-women, who alone can be permitted to drefs at 
 all, viz. the handfome, the pretty, and the genteel, 
 I muft add, that this privilege is limited by common 
 fenfe to a certain number of years, beyond which no 
 woman can be any one of the three. I therefore 
 require, that, when turned of thirty, they abate of 
 the vigor of their drefs j and that, when turned of 
 forty, they utterly lay afide all thoughts of it. And, 
 as an inducement to them fo to do, I do moft fo- 
 lemnly allure them, that they may make themfelves 
 ridiculous, but never defirable by it. When they 
 are once arrived at the latitude of forty, the pro- 
 pitious gales are over ; let them gain the firft porr, 
 and lay afuie their rigging. 
 
 I come now to a melancholy fubject, and upon 
 which the freedom of my advice, I fea-r, will not be 
 
 kindly
 
 48 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 kindly taken ; but, as the caufe of common fenfe Is 
 moft highly concerned in it, I fhall proceed without 
 regard to the coniequences : I mean the ugly, and, 
 I am forry to fay it, fo numerous a part of my coun- 
 try-women. I muft, for their own fakes, treat them 
 with fome rigor, to fave them not only from the pub- 
 lic ridicule, but indignation. Their drefs muft not 
 rile above plain humble profe ; and any attempts 
 beyond it amount at belt to the mock-heroic, and 
 excite laughter. An ugly woman mould by all 
 means avoid any ornament that may draw eyes upon 
 her which me will entertain fo ill. But if me en- 
 deavours, by dint of drefs, to cram her deformity 
 down mankind, the infolence of the undertaking is 
 refented , and when a Gorgon curls her fnakes to 
 charm the to\vn, me would have no reafon to com- 
 plain if fhe loft bead and aH by the hand of fome 
 avenging Perleus. Ugly women, who may more 
 properly be called a third fex, than a part of the fair 
 one, mould publickly renounce all thoughts of their 
 perfons, and turn their minds another way ; they 
 mould endeavour to be honeft good-humoured gen- 
 tlemen ; they may amufe themfelves with field fports, 
 and a chearful glafs, and, if they could get into par- 
 liament, I mould, for my own part, have no ob- 
 jection to it. Should I be afked how a woman mal! 
 know me is ugly, and take her meafures accordingly ; 
 I anfwer, that, in order to judge right, me muft 
 not believe her eyes, but her ears, and, if they have 
 not heard very warm addrefies and applications, me 
 may depend upon it, it was the deformity, and not 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, vi. 49 
 
 the feverity, of her countenance, that prevented 
 them. 
 
 There is another ibrt of ladles, whofe daily infuks 
 Upon common fenfe call for the ftrongeft correction, 
 and who may moft properly be ftyled old offenders. 
 Thefe are the fexagenary fair-ones, and upwards, 
 who, whether they were handfome or not in the laft 
 century, ought at lead in this to reduce themfelves 
 to a decency and gravity of drefs fuited to their 
 years. Thefe offenders are exceedingly numerous : 
 witnefs all the public places, where they exhibit 
 whatever art and drefs can do, to make them com- 
 pleatly ridiculous. I have often obferved feptua- 
 genary great-grandmothers adorned, as they thought, 
 with all the colours of the rainbow, while in reality 
 they looked more like the decayed worms in the 
 midft of their own filks. Nay, I have feen them 
 proudly difplay withered necks, fhriveled and de^- 
 cayed like their marriage-fettlements, and which no 
 hand, but the cold hand of time, had vifited thefe 
 forty years. The utmoft indulgence I can allow here, 
 is extreme cleanlinefs, that they may not offend 
 more fenfes than the fight ; but for the drel's, it muft 
 be confined to the elegy and the triftibus. 
 
 What has been faid with relation to the fair fex, 
 holds true with relation to the other, only with flill 
 greater reftrictions, as fuch irregularities are lefs par- 
 donable in men than in ladies. A reafonable com- 
 pliance with the fafliion is no difparagement to the 
 beft underflanding, and an affected fingtilarity would; 
 but an excefs, beyond what age, rank, and character 
 will juftify, is one of the word figns the body can 
 
 VOL. II. E hang
 
 5 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 hang out, and will never tempt people to call in. I 
 fee with indulgence the youth of our nation finely 
 bound, and gilt on the back, and wi(h they were 
 lettered into the bargain. I forgive them the un- 
 natural fcantinefs of their wigs, and the immoderate 
 dimenfions of their bags, in confideration that the 
 famion has prevailed, and that the oppofition of a; 
 few to it would be the greater affectation of the two. 
 Though, by the way, I very much doubt whether 
 they are all of them gainers by (hewing their ears ; 
 for it is faid that Midas, after a certain accident, was 
 the judicious inventer of long wigs. But then thefe 
 luxuriancies of fancy muft fubfide, when age and 
 rank call upon judgement to check its excrefcencies 
 and irregularities. 
 
 I cannot conclude this paper without an animad<- 
 verfion upon one prevailing folly, of which both 
 fexes are equally guilty, and which is attended with 
 real ill confequences to the nation , I mean that rage 
 of foreign fopperies, by which fo confiderable a fum 
 of ready money is annually exported out of the king-- 
 dom, for things which ought not to be fuffered to be 
 imported even gratis. In order therefore to pre- 
 vent, as far as I am able, this abfurd and mifchievous 
 practice, I hereby fignify, that I will mew a greater 
 indulgence than ordinary to thofe who only expofe 
 themfelves in the manufactures of their own country; 
 and that they jQiall enjoy a connivance, in the nature of 
 a drawback, K> thofe excefies, which otherwife I mall 
 not tolerate. 
 
 I muft add, that if it be fo genteel to copy the 
 
 French, even in their weakriefies, I ihould humbly 
 
 . . 7 hope
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VI. VII. 51 
 hope it might be thought ftill more fo, to imitare 
 them where they really deferve imitation, which is, 
 in preferring every thing of their own to every thing 
 of other people's. A Frenchman, who happened to 
 be in England at the time of the lad total eclipfc 
 of the fun, aftured the people, whom he faw looking 
 at it with attention, that it was not to be compared to 
 a French eclipfe : would fome of our fine women 
 emulate that fpirit, and aflert, as they might do with 
 much more truth, that the foreign manufactures are 
 not to be compared to the Englim ; fuch a declaration 
 would be worth two or three hundred thoufand 
 pounds a year to the kingdom, and operate more ef- 
 fectually than all the laws made for that purpofe. 
 The Roman ladies got the Oppian law, which re- 
 ftrained their drefs, repealed, in fpite of the unwearied 
 oppofition of the elder Cato. I exhort the Britifh 
 ladies to exert their power to better purpofes, and to 
 revive, by their credit, the trade and manufactures of 
 their own country, in fpite of the fupine negligence 
 of thofe whofe more immediate care it ought to be to 
 cultivate and promote them. 
 
 VII. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, April 30, 1737. N 14. 
 
 who attack the fundamental laws of 
 -* virtue and morality, urge the uncertainty of 
 them, and alledge their variations in different coun- 
 E i tries,
 
 j,-2 LORD C H E S T E R F I ELD'S 
 tries, and even in different ages in the lame countries* 
 Morality, lay they, is local, and confequently an 
 imaginary thing, fmce what is rejected in one climate 
 as a vice, is praClifed in another as a virtue; and, ac- 
 cording to them, the voice of nature fpeaks as many 
 different languages as there are nations in the world. 
 
 The dangers and ill confequences of this doclrine 
 are obvious, but furely the falfity of it is not lefs fo ? 
 and the moft charitable opinion one can entertain of 
 thofe who propagate it, is, that they miftake famion' 
 and cuftom for nature and reafon. The invariable 
 laws of juftice ancf morality are the firft and univerfal 
 emanations of human reafon, while unprejudiced and 
 uncorrupted j and we may as well fay, that ficknefs 
 is the natural ftate of the body, as that injuftice and 
 immorality are the natural fuuation of the mind.. 
 We contract moft of the difterapers of the one, by 
 the irregularity of our appetites, and of the other, 
 by yielding to the impetuofity of our paffions ; but,, 
 in both caies, reafon, when confulted, fpeaks a dif- 
 ferent language. 
 
 I admit, that the prevailing cuftoms and fafiiions 
 of moft countries are not founded upon reafon, and, 
 on the contrary, are too frequently repugnant to it : 
 but then the reafonable people of thofe countries con- 
 demn, and abhor, though, it may be, they too wit- 
 tingly comply with, or, at leaft, have not courage 
 enough openly to oppofe, them. 
 
 The people of rank and diftinclion, in every coun- 
 try, are properly called the people of famion ; be- 
 caufe, in truth, they fettle the famion, Inftead of 
 fubjecYmg themfelvcs to the laws, they take meafure 
 
 of
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VII. 55 
 of their own appetites and pafiions, and then make 
 laws to fit them ; which laws, though neither founded 
 in juftice, nor enabled by a legal authority, too often 
 prevail over. 9 and infult, both juftice and authority. 
 This is fafl)ion. 
 
 In this light, I have often confidered the word honor 
 in its faflnonable acceptation in this country, and 
 muft confefs, that, were that the univerfal meaning of 
 it throughout this kingdom, it would very much con- 
 firm the doctrine I endeavour to confute ; and would 
 be fo contrary to that honor which reafon, jufticc, 
 .and common fenfe, point out, that I ihould not won- 
 der, if it inclined people to call in queftion the very 
 ; cxiftence of honor itfelf. 
 
 The character of a man of honor, as received in 
 the beau monde^ is fomething fo very fingular, that it 
 .deferves a particular examination j and, though eafier 
 obferved than defcribed, I fhall endeavour to give 
 -my readers a defcription of it, illustrated with fome 
 original pieces, which have luckily fallen into my 
 hands. 
 
 A man of honor is one, who peremptorily affirms 
 himfelf to be fo, and who will cut any body's throat 
 that queftions it, though upon the bell grounds. He 
 is infinitely above the reftraints which the laws of 
 God or man lay upon vulgar minds, and knows no 
 other tyes but thole of honor ; of which word he is 
 to be the fole expounder. He mud ftridly adhere to 
 a party denomination, though he may be utterly re- 
 gardlefs of its principles. His expence fhould ex- 
 ceed his income confiderably, not for the nece/Tarie.^ 
 but for the fuperfiuities of life, that the debts he con- 
 E 3 tracls
 
 54 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 tracts may do him honor. There fhould be a haughr 
 tinefs and infolence in his deportment, which is fup- 
 pofed to refult from confcious honor. If he be cho- 
 leric, and wrong-headed into the bargain, with a good 
 deal of animal courage, he acquires the glorious cha- 
 racter of a man of nice and jealous honor : and, if 
 all thefe qualifications are duly feafoned with the 
 genteelefl vices, the man of honor is compleat ; any 
 thing his wife, children, fervants, or tradefmen, may 
 think to the contrary, notvyithftanding. 
 
 Belville is allowed to be a man of the moil con- 
 fummate honor, that this or any age ever produced. 
 The men are proud of his acquaintance, and the wo- 
 men of his protection j his party glories in being 
 countenanced by him, and his honor is frequently 
 quoted as a fanction for their conduct. But fome 
 original letters, which I mail give my readers, will 
 let them more intimately into the particulars of fo 
 Ihining a character, than mere defcription would do. 
 
 He had run out a confiderable fortune by a life of 
 pleafure, particularly by gaming, and, being deli- 
 cately fcrupulous in points of honor, he wrote the 
 following letter to his attorney after an ill run at 
 play: 
 
 "SIR, 
 
 <c T HAD a damned tumble laft night at hazard, 
 -*- and muft raife a thouland within a week ; get 
 " it me upon any terms, for 1 would rather fuffer the 
 * ; greateft incumbrance upon my fortune, than the leaft 
 " blemifh upon my honor. As for thofc clamorous 
 " rafcals thp tradefmen, infift upon ray privilege, and
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VII. 5$ 
 * keep them off as long as pofnble-, we may chance 
 41 to ruin lome of them, before they can bring ns 
 ft to trial. 
 
 " Yours, &c. 
 
 CI BELVIL LE. 
 
 * c To Mr. Tho. Goofetree, attorney, 
 " in Furnival's Inn." 
 
 But, left the endeavours of Mr. Goofetree mould 
 prove ineffectual, Belville, from the fame principle of 
 honor, refolved, at all events, to fecure that fum col- 
 laterally, and therefore wrote the following letter to 
 the 6rft minifter: 
 
 " T WAS applied to yefterday in your name by 
 " J- * % # to vote f or tne p i n c which is to come 
 " into our houfe to-morrow -, but, as it was extremely 
 ** contrary to my opinion and principles, I gave him 
 " no explicit anfwer, but took ibme time to con- 
 " fider of it. I have therefore the honor now to 
 " acquaint you, that I am determined to give my 
 " concurrence to this affair ; but muft defire, at the 
 " fame time, that you will immediately fend * 
 " to me, with rhe fifteen hundred pounds he offered 
 * c me yefterday, and for which I have a preffmg oc- 
 <e cafion this morning. I am perfuaded you know 
 <c me too well to fcruple this pay inent beforehand, and 
 " that you will not be the firft perfon that ever 
 ** queftioned the honor of, 
 " S I R, 
 
 " Your mod faithful humble fervant, 
 
 " BELVILLE.'* 
 E 4, J find
 
 56 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 I find another letter, of the fame date, to a lady, 
 who appears to be the wife of his mqft intimate friend ; 
 
 u M y DEAR, 
 
 *' T HAVE juft now received yours, and am very 
 " * forty fqr the unaafinefs your hufband's beha- 
 f c viour has given you of late , though I cannot be 
 f of your opinion, that he fufpects our connection. 
 "We have been, bred up together from children, and 
 ?' have lived in the ftricleit friendfhip ever fince ; fq 
 " that I dare fay he would as loon fulpect me of a de r 
 *' fign to- murder, as wrong him this way. And you 
 " know it is to that confidence and fecurity of his, 
 " that I owe the happinefs that I enjoy. However, 
 6i in all events, be convinced that you are in the 
 " hands of a man of honor, who will not fuffer you, 
 & to be ill-qfed ; and, mould my friend proceed to 
 *' any difagreeable extremities with you, depend upon 
 *' it, I will cut the cuckold's throat for him. 
 
 (t Yours moil tenderly." 
 
 The fourth and lafl letter is to a friend, who had, 
 probably, as, high notions of honor as himfelf, by the 
 nature of the affair in which he requires his affiftance : 
 
 " DEAR CHARLES, 
 
 * c "D RYTHEE come to m,e immediately, to ferve 
 " *- me in an affair of honor. YOU muft know, I 
 V told a dam,neci lye laft night in a mixed company ; 
 " and a formal odd dog, in a manner, infmuated that 
 * l I did fp : v^pon which, I whifpered him to be in 
 # Hydcrf ^k this morning, and to bring a friend 
 
 " with,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VII. 57 
 with him, if he had fuch 'a thing in the world. 
 * The booby was hardly worth my refentment ; but 
 *' you know rny delicacy, where honor is concerned. 
 
 *< Yours, 
 
 " BELVILLE." 
 
 It appears, from thefe authentic pieces, that Mr. 
 Belville, filled with the nobleft fentiments of honor, 
 paid all debts but his juft ones ; kept his word 
 fcrupuloufly in the flagitious fale of his conicience to 
 a minifter ; was ready to protect, at the expence of 
 his friend's life, his friend's wife, whom, by the op- 
 portunities that friendship had given him, he had cor- 
 rupted ; and punilhed truth with death, when it inti- 
 rnated, however juftly, the want of it in himfelf. 
 
 This perfon of refined honor, confcious of his 
 own merit and virtue, is a moft unmerciful cenfor of 
 the lefTer vices and failings of others , and lavifhly 
 beftows the epithets of fcoundrel and rafcal upon all 
 thofe who, in a fubordinate rank of life, feem to 
 afpire to any genteel degree of immorality. An 
 awkward country gentleman, who fells his filent vote 
 cheap, is with him a fad dog. The induftrious 
 tradefmen are a pack of cheating rafcals, who fhould 
 be better regulated, and not fuffered to impofe upon 
 people of condition ; and fervants are a parcel of idle 
 icoundrels, that ought to be ufed ill, and not paid 
 their wages, in order to check their infolence. 
 
 It is not to be imagined how pernicious the exam- 
 ple of fuch a creature is to fociety ; he is admired, 
 and confequentiy imitated : he not only immediately 
 corrupts his own circle of acquaintance, but the con- 
 tagion
 
 5 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 tagion fpreads itfelf to infinity, as circles in water 
 produce one another, though gradually lefs marked 
 out, in proportion as they are remoter from the cau-fe 
 of the firft. 
 
 To fuch practice and fuch examples in higher life, 
 may juftjy be imputed the general corruption and im- 
 morality which prevail through this kingdom. But, 
 when fuch is the force of fafhion, and when the ex- 
 amples of people of the firft rank in a country are 
 fo prevalent as to dignify vice and immorality, in 
 fpite of all laws divine and human, how popular 
 might they make virtue, if they would exert their 
 power in its caufe ! and hovv muft they, in their cooler 
 moments, reproach themlelves, when they come to 
 reflect, that, by their fatal examples, they have beg- 
 gared, corrupted, and it may be, enflaved, a whole 
 nation J 
 
 VIII. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, May 14, 1737. N 16, 
 
 T HAVE lately read with great pleafure father Du 
 * Halde's account of China, where I have found 
 feveral rules of morality and good government, which 
 the politeft nations in Europe might adopt with 
 honor, and pracYife with advantage. Many of them 
 "are conveyed, according to the oriental cuftom, in 
 allegories and fables, fo that they ftrike one more 
 fenfibly, and imprint themfelves deeper in the me- 
 mory,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VIII. 59 
 mory, by their connexion with fome familiar image. 
 Among others, I obferved this remarkable one, which 
 I mall now give my readers. 
 
 Hoen Kong afked his minifter Koan Tchong, 
 * { What was the mo ft to be feared in a government ?'* 
 Koan Tchong anfwered, " In my mind, fir, nothing 
 " is more to be dreaded than what they call the rat 
 fi in the ftatue?* Hoen Kong not underftanding the 
 allegory, Koan Tchong explained it to him. " You 
 '< know, fir, faid he, that it is a common practice to 
 f( erect ftatues to the genins of the place : thefe 
 * f ftatues are of wood, hollow within, and painted 
 " without. If a rat gets into one of them, one does 
 f( not know how to get him out : one does not care 
 ft to make ufe of fire, for fear of burning the wood ; 
 " one cannot dip it in water, for fear of wafhing off 
 fc the colours ; fo that the regard one has for the 
 *' ftatue faves the rat that is got into it. Such, fir, 
 *' are in every government thole, who, without virtue 
 " or merit) have gained the favour of their prince : 
 " they ruin every thing ; one fees it^ one laments if, but 
 " does not know how to remedy it." 
 
 I approve of the moral of the ftory, and am .very- 
 much of Koan Tchong's mind, that nothing is to be 
 dreaded more in a government than this rat in the 
 ftatue -, but how he came to be of that mind himfclf, 
 I cannot eafily comprehend, for our author fays he 
 was a minifter, and confequentiy of the rat kind. But 
 as he does not indeed fay, that he was the firft, or fole 
 piinifter, I am inclined to think that he \\as only one 
 pf thofe who have the name and falary of minifters, 
 without any of the power, and who are often glad to 
 
 give
 
 J6e> LORD CHE STERFI ELD'S 
 give a flap by the bye to the firft minifter, though 
 they have not courage enough openly to attack him. 
 
 After this fhort remark, I return to the allegory 
 itfelf, which I cannot fay is fo apt as I expected, from 
 a people fo much verfed in that manner of in ft ruction. 
 The parallel drawn between the emperor and a 
 wooden flatue is fo difrefpedtful and uncourtly, that 
 I could have wifhed our author had informed us, how 
 liis Chinefe majefty had relifhed the fimilitude, that 
 is, in cafe he took all the force of it ; for, in reality, 
 it was making no difference between an anointed 
 head and a wooden one. A rat may very well eat 
 his way into a ftatue unfeen, unfelt, and unfmelt : but 
 can a minllter, efpecially fuch a one as is here de- 
 fcribed, without virtue or merit, nibble himfelf into 
 a prince's favour, and the prince not fmell a rat ? It 
 Js impoffible; and the bare fuppofition of it was 
 highly injurious to his royal wifdom and penetration,. 
 I will admit, in favour of Koan Tchong, that the 
 caftern monarchs have not that degree of fagacity, 
 which fo eminently diftinguimes and adorns the Eu- 
 ropean ones ; and I will allow, that they are more 
 likely to be furprized and impofed upon by the arti- 
 fices of a defigning minifter ; their indolent and re- 
 tired way of life, foaking in the arms of their imperial 
 conforts, or wantoning in the embraces of their con- 
 cubines, not giving them the fame opportunity of 
 feeing, or being informed. But ftill, when this ge- 
 neral rule is univerfally feen and lamented, as Koan 
 Tchong expreffcs it, the unanimous voice, the juft 
 complaints, the groans, and the defolation, of a ruined 
 and oppreiTed people, muft reach, mufl affect, and 
 
 muft
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VIII. 6r 
 mud rouze his majefty, if he be but ever To little above 
 a flatue. If not, if fuch an impoffibility could be 
 fnppofed, I muft then confefs, that the allegory of 
 the painted wood is ib far juft, as that the king's 
 head would properly be but the fign of the govern- 
 ment. 
 
 The conclufion Koan Tchong draws from this al- 
 legory is no lefs falfe and abfurd ; for, fays he, when 
 the rat is got into the ftatue, one does not know how 
 to get him out. One does not dare to make ufe of 
 fire, for fear of burning the wood ; one cannot dip is 
 in water, for fear of wafhing off the colours : fo that 
 the regard one has for the ftatue faves the rat that is 
 got into it. This tender regard for the ftatue would, 
 with all fubmifiion to Koan Tchong, in my opinion,, 
 much better have become an Hibernian courtier, than 
 a Chinefe one ; for it is faying, in very good Irifh, 
 that the ftatue, from regard one has for it, (hall be" 
 entirely devoured, for fear of being a little damaged 
 or defaced. Whereas I mould rather think, that the 
 beft way of mewing that regard for the ftatue would 
 be, by faving as much as ever one could of it from 
 the further depredations of the rat j even though it- 
 were .to coft a limb or two, as is frequently practifed 
 upon human bodies. But, to do Koan Tchong 
 jufticc, I do not impute his reafoning to want of 
 parts -, I rather think it was a piece of minifte- 
 rial logic, which has been ufed in other coun- 
 tries befides China. Here the minifter breaks out, 
 and the minifter too, who feems to have no opinion 
 .of the diftingnifhing faculty of his prince, when he 
 tries fuch a piece of iophiftry upon him, which, 
 5 I dare
 
 G~ LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 I dare fay, he would not have ventured in any 
 other company. For he fo clofely connects the rat 
 and the ftatue, and confequently the king and the 
 minifter, that, in effect, he makes them but one 
 fiefh, and one would think they grew together like 
 the two Hungarian girls*; by this way of rea- 
 foning, whoever attacked this all-devouring rat, alias 
 minifter, was an enemy to the ftatue, alias king; and, 
 Dice verfa, thole that were friends to rat and minifter 
 were friends to ftatue and king. 
 
 This indifToluble union would, I own, be moft 
 excellent doctrine for a minifter to inculcate, could he 
 find either king or nation weak enough to believe it ; 
 but I can never imagine that any thing fo abfurd 
 could be received by the Chinefe, who are a wife and 
 fenfible people : at leaft, it could not extend itfelf 
 beyond the walls of the palace. 
 
 Let us now confider the allegory literally. Thefe 
 facred, painted, tawdry images, are erected to the genii 
 of the place : they are the productions of fuperftition, 
 and, probably, the creatures of the bonzes, who dub 
 them facred, and exhibit them as representations, 
 wooden ones, alas ! of the divinity. Sacrilegious rats 
 eat their way into them, and endanger their wooden 
 exiftence. What is to be done ? Why truly they are 
 to devour with impunity, for fear the ftatue fhould 
 receive fome fmall damage in the refcue , as if there 
 were not a thoufand ways of coming at the rat, with 
 little or no danger to the ftatue. For inftance, mak- 
 ing it foundly might probably make the dwelling of 
 
 * Two Hungarian girls, that were fhevvn fome years ago as a fine 
 fight, and were fattened together by the rump, 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VIII. 63 
 
 the rat fo uneafy,. that he might be* willing to quit it, 
 for fear of fomething worfe afterwards. 
 
 There is another obvious expedient that occurs, 
 which is that of fending a cat up after him : but to 
 this, I own, I have fome objection rnyfelf, becaufe, 
 though the cat would kill the rat, he would poflibly 
 remain in his place, and be as unwilling to quit it. 
 But is it poffible that the ufeful art of rat-catching 
 fhould be unknown to fo ingenious a people as the 
 Chinefe ? If it is, I would advife our Eaft-India com- 
 pany to fend them a rat-catcher or two next voyage, 
 for whom they might expect as confiderable returns, 
 and advantages, as Whirtington is reported to have 
 made by his cat. Though, I am very forry to fay it, 
 the noble art and myftery of vat-catching has greatly 
 declined even here of late; and I mould be at a lofs 
 to find an honeft and fkilful artift to recommend to 
 them. 
 
 But can one fuppofe, that the religion and piety of 
 the bonzes would fuffer them to remain indifferent 
 fpectators of fuch facrilegious outrages ; and that they, 
 who can diflodge a devil, cannot get out a rat ; un~ 
 kfs one has little charity enough to believe, that the 
 bonzes, by a fort of commutation, are not unwilling 
 to let the rats take fanctuary in their ftatues, to be rid 
 of them themfelves, and fo, by an interefted and 
 impious connivance, give up their gods to fave their 
 bacon ? 
 
 To come now to the allegorical fenfe, which Koai> 
 Tchong had fuch a mind to eftablifh. A minifter 
 without virtue or merit gains the favour of his prince : 
 he ruins every thing ; one fees it, one laments it, buc 
 
 * one
 
 64 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 one does not know how to remedy it. To me the re 5 - 
 medy feems very eafy and obvious , take the minifter 
 away from him, and prevent the ruin, that threatened 
 both him and his country. I do not doubt, indeed, 
 but the minifter would, during the operation, cry out^ 
 like Koan Tchong ; you attack the king, you deface 
 the king, you wound the king through my fides, 
 and would plead the king, as women do their bellies, 
 to refpite execution : but, furely, upon examination, a 
 degree of fagacity, much inferior to that of matrons, 
 would be fufficient to bring him in not quick with 
 king, but a diftinc~t and feparate body, eafily re- 
 moved, without the lead danger to the fovereign. 
 
 Having fully difcufTed this allegory, I {hall con- 
 clude with adopting one part of it, which is, that no- 
 thing is fo much to be dreaded in a government, as a 
 minifter without virtue or merit, who gains the favour 
 of his prince ; but with entirely rejecting the latter 
 part, that one fees and laments it, but, out of regard 
 to the prince, one does not know how to remedy it ; 
 fince that very regard for the prince fhould excite one 
 to endeavour it, and common fenfe points out the 
 means of doing it, if there be bur common honefty 
 enough to put them in practice.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. VIH.IX. 6^ 
 
 IX*. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, June 4, 1737. N 9 19. 
 To the Author of COMMON SENSE. 
 
 Vocem Comccdla tollit. HOR. 
 
 Comedy lifts her voice. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 A S the caufe of common fenfe and the ftage are 
 4- -*- jointly concerned, fome obfervations on the bill 
 depending at prefent for the regulation of the latter 
 cannot be thought improper for your paper ; efpeci- 
 ally fince I believe it will appear by them to be inef- 
 fectual to the end propofed, and injurious to the poet, 
 the player, and the public. 
 
 The end, propofed by this bill, is the regulation of 
 theatrical entertainments, which, from their excefs, fill 
 both town and country with idlenefs and debauchery $ 
 and, from being under no reftraint, exhibit to the pub- 
 lic encomiums on vice, and laugh away the fober 
 principles of modefly and virtue. 
 
 A defign of this kind is certainly worthy the care of 
 the legiflature ; fince every one, who thinks in the juft 
 mean between libertinifm and feverity, muft be con- 
 
 * The aft for licenfing the theatres xvas attacked with great 
 ftrength of reafonincr b our nobleman in his iamcus fpeech on that 
 lubjeft, and with great humour and delicacy in this eflay- Bur, 
 nouvithftanding his efforts^ the bill was earned through both hoyfes 
 with an amazing rapidity, and received the royal aflent the 21 ft of 
 June, 1737. 
 
 VOL. II. F vinced
 
 66 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 vinced that a well-governed flageis an ornament to the 
 fociety, an encouragement to wit and learning, and a 
 fchool of virtue and good manners j while a licentious 
 one is the parent of loofe defires, a nurfery of vice* 
 effeminacy, and irreligion. 
 
 But let us examine the prefent bill by the end pro- 
 pofed 
 
 Will it tend to a regulation by decreafing the num- 
 ber? 
 
 I think it is plain, that it will have the contrary 
 effect; fince, while a difcretionary power of licenfing 
 them remains in any one perfon whatfoever, a way 
 is left open for APPLICATION, which, it cannot be 
 thought, will be always unfuccefsful. And I fee no 
 reafon why it is not as well worth the charge of a 
 miniftry to fend companies of ftrollers round to the 
 corporations, to entertain t'hem gratis with political 
 plays before an election, as it has been to circulate 
 political news-papers upon the like occafion. For it 
 may very well be prefumed, that Caleb* hanged in 
 effigy, and dropping limb from limb like Harle- 
 quin, will conduce as much to render him unpopular 
 in a country audience, as the wit and fatire of a 
 Gazetteer f . And no one can doubt, but that com- 
 
 * - The Craftfman. 
 
 f The Daily Gazetteer was a title given very properly to certain 
 papers, each or which tailed but a day. Into this, as a: common firfk, 
 was received all the trafh which had been before difperied in fevcral 
 journals, and circulated at the public expence of the nation. The 
 authors were the. fame obfcure men : though ibmetimes relieved by 
 occafional eflays from ftatefmen, courtiers, bifhops, deans, and 
 doctors. The meaner fort were rewarded with money ; others with 
 places or benefices, from an hundred to a thoulund pounds a year. 
 See the Dunciad, Book II. 
 
 rnon
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, IX. 67 
 mon fenfe will be expofed upon fuch tfages, and ri- 
 diculed, for the diverfion of a mayor and aldermen, 
 with great fuccefs. Nor can this conjecture of mine 
 be thought improbable, from any difficulty to fupply 
 fuch a number of inferior play-houfes with actors 
 and poetry ; fince, in the prefent ft ate of trade, the 
 excife officers may, at their leifure hours, fupply the 
 firft, and the feveral ingenious authors of the Gazet- 
 teer * club for the other. The miraculous fir A. Bi 
 mud have an excellent head for a political pantomime; 
 and Mrs. Ofborne herfclf can condefcend to be wag- 
 gifh for the fervice of the government. 
 
 This fcheme, in time, muft affect the freedom of 
 election, fince a purfe-proud court-candidate might 
 eafily draw into his intereft the governing part of 
 mod corporations, I mean the women, by this ter- 
 rible menace, " D Hmn me^ madam, if you do not 
 " make Mr. mayor return me, you lhall have no 
 " more plays, by G d." 
 
 As it is plain therefore that this fcheme muft in- 
 creafe the number, will it produce any good effect by 
 any rettraint that will probably be laid on the piect-s 
 performed ? 
 
 The anfwer that will be given to this queftion is, 
 that they muft all undergo my lord chamberlain's 
 inflection. Is then every lord chamberlain a wit arid 
 a critic, juft as every Merry Andrew is a phyfician, 
 by his office ? or is it reafonable to fuppofe that one 
 man can perufe all the dramatic poetry that is pro- 
 duced in this fcribbling kingdom of Great Britain ; 
 
 * Of thefe, Ofborne and Arnall, mentioned above, p. 2, and p 7, 
 appear to have been the moll rcl'pcctable peribnages. 
 
 F 2 or
 
 68 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 or even in that fmall retreat of the Mufes, where 
 mod of thefe pieces are generated, and from whence, 
 for the future, we muft expect a fupply ? As this is 
 in its nature impoffible, my lord will probably de- 
 legate this authority to fome of his domeftics -, the 
 chaplain, for tragedy"; the cook, or the porter, may 
 execute the office of comedy-infpector. And when 
 that is the cafe, befides the abufe of juftice, which is 
 always feen in inferior j urisdiction-s, nobody can fup- 
 pofe thefe delegates can have equal tafte in the politer 
 itudies, or be as good judges of wit and morality, as 
 my lord himfelf : nor will they be inclined to men 
 of merit in the profeffion of poetry, who are fo little 
 verfed in the proper methods of making court to their 
 fuperiors. 
 
 Befides, if the fcheme above-mentioned is put into 
 execution, wit and fatire will be poftponcd for party 
 reflection and abufe. The comic glafs, inftead of 
 expofing vice and folly, will be made a corrupt uic 
 of, to magnify the features of fome honed country 
 fquire in the oppofition jnto a papift or a faracen, to 
 the affright of himfelf and his neighbours ; while the 
 curiofity of the vulgar, and the opportunities of in- 
 dulging it at thefe entertainments, will dill continue, 
 and have the fame tendency to produce idlenefs and 
 luxury as they have at prefent ; though it may be 
 prefumed that the tafte for thefe entertainments will, 
 by this method, gradually decay < 
 
 I think I have, by thefe few obfervations above, 
 demonllrated that this bill cannot have its defircd 
 effect. I fhall now endeavour to prove that it will 
 
 be
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IX. 69 
 be injurious to the poet, the player, and the public 
 in general. 
 
 It is very well known how difficult it is at prefent 
 for merit, without intereft, to bring any play upon 
 the ftage: and will the pride and lelf-conceit of the 
 manager be abated by this regulation ? or, can a poet's 
 temper be brought to fubmit to ftrike out whatever 
 offends fo many critics, as will have a judicial au- 
 thority to blot by virtue of this ad ? The neceffitous 
 indeed will, perhaps with reluctance, comply : but 
 whap can be expected from that band, who prefer 
 folid pudding to empty praife ? Can it be thought 
 that a man, who has fenfe and learning enough to 
 write a play fit for the ftage, and who has flood the 
 judgment of a play-houfe monarch and his privy- 
 council of critics, will be induced to cringe to a chap- 
 lain, a porter, a cook, or a iecretary ? 
 
 if I might prefume to fpeak my judgment, formed 
 on experience, I fcarce believe he would fubmit to my 
 lord himfelf. 
 
 Here then is a manifeft difcouragement to that 
 fpecies of learning, which inftructs youth, and delights 
 in age ; which is an ornament to the man of fortune, 
 a comfort and fupport of neceflity ; which entertains 
 in the clofet, and diverts abroad ; mortens the jour- 
 ney of the traveller, and is a chearful companion in 
 folitude and exile *. 
 
 As this is a difcouragement to poetry, fo it lays 
 fuch a reftraint on the actor, and fo fubjcfts him to 
 the arbitrary will of an infolent patentee, ihai ft* 
 J believej will think it worth their while to leave tr* 
 
 * Cicero, Orat. pro Arch i a i'octa, 
 
 F 3 Jaw,
 
 7 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 law, the counter, or Ireland itfdf, to get a poor taw- 
 
 dry fubfiftence on the Rage. 
 
 If dramatic poefy is, under proper regulations, a 
 benefit, the difcouragement of it in general, which, 
 from what has been obferved above, will be effected 
 by this aft, muft be injurious to the public ; and if 
 this bill (hould pafs into a law, a Wycherlcy or Con- 
 greve will never rife again on the Englilh itage : for 
 there will be always fools enough to fill the licenfed 
 piay-houfes, that delight in farce, noife, and (how; 
 and, while that is the cafe, no manager will run the 
 hazard of endeavouring to refine the tafte of the vul- 
 gar, by complying with that of the learned. 
 
 Befides the lofs of the little wit ftill remaining 
 among us, 1 am afraid that the fwarm of infignificant 
 mortals, who are now employed in the ftudy of this 
 kind of poetry, will, upon the difadvantage this bill 
 will lay them under, defert this only fertile fpot of 
 Parnaflus, and join in an infurfeftion with the dif- 
 tillers *, or turn from robbing the dead to the plunder 
 of the living. 
 
 I need not here mention the infringement attempted 
 by this act on the liberty of the prels. 
 
 * The aft, for retraining the fole of fpirituous liquors in fmall 
 quantities, had failed of its effect. The informers, who dared to 
 give intelligence againft offenders, were fo roughly treated by the 
 populace, and fo ill protected by the miniltry^ that the abufe be- 
 came intolerable. It was fo manifeftly the intereft of the diilillers 
 to defeat the bill, that they were fuppofed to have had n hand in 
 theie infurrettions ; and the noble author of this eflay humoroufty 
 hints, that writers of plays, being now difappoimed, for want of 
 proper licences, in their retail of wit, would futfer themfelves to be 
 employed by the compofers, retailers, or confumers, of liquors, tq 
 join in thefe riots, and perhaps take to the road. 
 
 But
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IX. X. 71 
 
 But if, notwithftanding thefe few hafty objections, 
 the wifdom of the legiflatyre fliould think proper to 
 pafs this bill, I would beg leave to fubmit the two 
 following amendments to their confideration. 
 
 Firft, that the (trolling companies, licenfed, be re- 
 drained to jfome particular number, and not be per- 
 mitted to act in any borough or corporation. 
 
 Secondly, fmce wit and modcfty, morality and re- 
 ligion, ought chiefly to be regarded in thefe enter- 
 tainments, that every thing deftructive of either may 
 be fure to be expunged : and fmce the fair lex have 
 lately fhewn fo laudable a zeal for wit, that they may 
 have a (hare in the adminiftration of it. 
 
 J propofe that the lord chamberlain's power, given 
 by this act, be transferred to a committee of the 
 maids of honor and bilhops, who (hall act in joint 
 commiflion in this important affair ; fmce the firft 
 are the bed judges of wit and modefty, the latter of 
 morality and religion, in this kingdom. 
 
 Yours, 
 
 A. Z, 
 
 X. 
 
 COMMON SENSE, 
 
 SATURDAY, July 16, 1737. N 25. 
 
 T T is the complaint of moft men, who have lived 
 -*- any time in the world, that the preient -age is 
 much degenerated in its morals within the memory 
 gf man. I am afraid this complaint is not altoge- 
 F 4 thcr
 
 7* LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 ther without foundation. That there has been a 
 gradual decay of public fpirit for fome years, cannot 
 be denied ; and which owes its original, if I am not 
 very much miftaken, to our party divifions. 
 
 There is a particular maxim among parties, which 
 alone is fufficient to corrupt a whole nation ; which 
 is, to countenance and protect the moft infamous 
 fellows who happen to herd arnongft them. There 
 is no man, let his private character be ever fo fcan- 
 dalous, that can be of fome ufe to ferve a turn, but 
 immediately grows to be a man of confequence with 
 his party. 
 
 It is fomething fhocking to common fenfe, to fee 
 the man of honor and the knave, the man of parts 
 and the blockhead, put upon an equal foot , which 
 is often the cafe amongft parties. In the ftruggles 
 that happen about elections, when fome candidate 
 of a fair character has been let up on one fide, how 
 often have you teen the moll abandoned knave of 
 the other party put up to oppofe him, and both 
 fupported with equal zeal ! Parties will always find 
 fomething or other, in the word of men, to reconcile 
 them to the obnoxious parts of their characters. He, 
 that has fenfe enough to diftinguifh right from 
 wrong, can make a noife ; nay, the lefs fenfe, the 
 more obftinacy, efpecially in a bad caufe ; and the 
 greater knave, the more obedient to his leaders, ef- 
 pecially when they are playing the rogue. Thefe 
 are the belt tools ; and fuch are the qualities neceflary 
 for putting in execution the bad meafures which the 
 corrupt leaders of parties intend to carry on, if they 
 are uppermost, 
 
 Party
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. X. 73 
 Party zeal changes the name of things ; black is 
 white, vice is virtue, a bribe in an office is called a 
 perquifite, and the moft ftudied and concerted fraud, 
 that can enter into the head of the moft thorough- 
 paced knave, mall be voted a little negligence. In 
 fine, party merit takes away all blots and ftains out 
 of the biacketl characters ; and he that deferves to be 
 hanged, by all laws human and divine, for his con- 
 dud in private life, may, at the fame time, be an 
 angel with his party. 
 
 Mendax, while he held an office in the (late, is de- 
 tected in a little mean fraud ; for Mendax was of a 
 completion fo delicate, and had fomething in his 
 confcience fo fcrupuloufly nice, that he fancied he 
 wronged his family, if he did not play the rogue 
 whenever any thing was to be got by it ; bur, how- 
 ever, Mendax, in a public capacity, has been always 
 true to the troop. The chiefs of the party having 
 met, to confider how to behave with refpect to 
 Mendax in this critical juncture, a 1 the men of ho- 
 nor amongft them were for giving him up, and even 
 joining in any punifhment that might be laid upon 
 him, in order to convince the world, that they would 
 not protect the man that had wronged his country ; 
 but a veteran, who was grown old in all the ini^uitou'* 
 practices of party, and who had acquired authority 
 by his experience, was quite of another opinion. 
 " Mendax," fays he, " has always been an active 
 *' member of the catife :" and what have we to do witli 
 his morals, or his -honor ? adding, " The man that 
 " is true to the troop muft always be fkreenctl, k. 
 f* him be guilty of what he will," 
 
 Thus,
 
 74 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Thus, by the deteftable politics of party, Mendax 
 was countenanced and careflfed under the infamy of 
 a moft fcandalous fraud ; and lived to do his country 
 more mifchief, by the corruption which he afterwards 
 fpread through it, than a famine, a plague, or a war, 
 could have done. 
 
 If we look back into the hiftory of a few years 
 paft, we (hall find that the immenfe eftates that have 
 been made, by the numerous fraudulent projects with 
 which this virtuous age has abounded, have been 
 by perfons who pretended to be zealous party men, 
 and have gone great lengths in party : nay, fome 
 have been fo cunning as to fliift fides, and go over 
 to the ftrongeft, juft before they have relblved to 
 ftrike fome bold flroke, wifely lecuring a good retreat 
 before they enter upon action j fo that I have often 
 thought, that a ftrong party is the fame thing to a. 
 cheat, that a (irong ifland in the Welt-Indies is to a 
 .pirate, a place of fafety to lay up all he has ftolen. 
 
 As I have intitled my paper, Common Senfe ; the 
 public may depend upon it, that I mail not write the 
 ienie of a party, becaufe common fenfe muft be frets 
 from all prejudice, and party fenfe is obferved to be 
 rarely fo. I will farther add, that I take common 
 fenfe and common honefty to be fo near akin, that, 
 whenever I fee a man turn knave, 1 mall not ftick to 
 pronounce him a fool. I have the experience of the 
 times in which I have lived, to juftify me in this 
 opinion. I never knew a man, that fet out with 
 good principles, and afterwards became. a proititute to 
 men in power, but fome creature of a little, narrow, 
 mean understanding. A piece of ribbon^ or a word
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PI-ECES. X. 7S 
 added to a name, mall reconcile a fool to the moft de- 
 flructive meafures that the moft corrupt minifter or 
 minifters can enter upon : but common fenfe has 
 fome modefty, it has a fenfe of fhame, and cannot 
 act in direct oppofuion to truth and honor. 
 
 But I am farther of opinion, that, if a writer fhould 
 at this time expect to make his way in the world, and 
 to become popular, by running violently into all the 
 prejudices of a party, he would meet with a reception 
 from the public very different from what he ex- 
 pected. Party prejudice is not the fame thing it was. 
 The malignity of the diftemper is worn out; and it 
 muft be a fingular pleafure to a man who loves his 
 country, to find that thofe two odious diftinctions of 
 Whig and Tory, with which we formerly reproached 
 one another, are ufed no more. All men unplaced, 
 and unpenfioned, talk and think alike; and we fee 
 gentlemen, who were bred up in oppofite principles, 
 and, though in other refpecls men of honor, had im- 
 bibed all the prejudices of their refpective parties, 
 now meet and fhake hands, and, upon comparing 
 notes, wonder that they had ever differed : and what 
 makes it more extraordinary is, that all this fhould 
 happen without their being reproached, either by their 
 country, or their particular friends, of changing their 
 principles ; which (hews there is fomething in an 
 honeft and an upright conduct, that will carry it 
 through the world, and fupport it again ft all the lug- 
 geftions that calumny can invent. 
 
 I will not fay, that it is profperity that has wrought 
 this great change. I am afraid this union of minds 
 is. not Q'/ving tp a univerfal content of the nation : the 
 
 cauies
 
 76 -LORD-CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 caufes of it are too well known to need any explana- 
 tion ; but, be it as it will, it is certain that the cure 
 of any grievances that may fall upon us can come 
 from nothing elfe but this union. This is not only 
 my opinion 5 it is certainly the opinion of thofe whofe 
 fafety, next to the corruption of the times, depends 
 upon our divifions. 
 
 When a nation is divided againft itfelf, how great 
 muft be the providence that muft fave it from fink- 
 ing ! When the people are broken into parties and 
 factions, worrying and reviling one another, what a 
 fine harveft it yields to the common enemy ! If I 
 ihould be afked, who is that common enemy ? I mall 
 only anfwer, that there are banditti in time of peace 
 as well as in time of war; there are free-booters, 
 who are not regularly lifted on either fide, and who, 
 vrhile both fides are engaged againft eacli other, wil| 
 certainly plunder the nation. 
 
 I will only fay, beware of thofe who are labouring 
 to keep alive the animofities of party : it is true, they 
 have laboured in vain ; and Providence has fo con- 
 founded their devices, that they have united us by the 
 very methods they took to keep us afunder; but 
 they have not yet given up the game for loft. They 
 arc continually throwing out bones of contention ; 
 they are raking up the dying embers of party, in 
 hopes of kindling a new flame. 
 
 There is a fee of men, who are governed by no 
 principles, and have no friends or followers but fuch 
 as arc attached to them for mercenary ends. Thefe at- 
 iume to themfelves the name of a party, though they do 
 not carry fo much as the appearance of it : it is they 
 
 who
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. X. 7- 
 who are for fomenting divifions, in hopes that, when 
 the madnefs of party fhall again feize the people, both 
 fides will by turns fall in with them, in order to be 
 revenged and undo each other, which will fave a great 
 deal in bribes ; a method of doing bufmefs, which 
 muft have an end, when there is no money lefc in the 
 nation. But it happens, thar they have been fo awk- 
 ward in concealing their foul play, that all the world 
 has feen through it , and it looks as if Providence 
 had infatuated their cunning, with a kind intention of 
 putting us upon our guard, and of rouzing that an- 
 tient ipirit of our people which has preferved this 
 nation when any incroachments have been made upon 
 its liberties. 
 
 But though there may be no dangerous defigns at 
 prefent, and the whole body of the people may en- 
 tertain the fame opinion of the good intentions and 
 of the great abilities of our prefent fct of miniftcrs as 
 they really merit, yet it is not amifs to have our eyes 
 about us. Political jealoufy is infeparable from the 
 minds of good patriots; it is their duty to be watch- 
 ful for the public, and fufpicious of the defigns of 
 men in power. A certain degree of this jealoufy is 
 abfolutely neceflary to be kept up at all times, for the 
 prefervation of liberty. This jealoufy, I fay, is our 
 great fecurity ; and it cannot decay till public fpirit 
 decays. 
 
 The individuals of that great body called tht people, 
 arc fo taken up with their fcveral avocations, that they 
 are not always at leifure to examine well the defigns 
 of men in power, and to fee through thofe difguiies 
 which they endeavour to throw ever bad meafures j 
 2 therefore
 
 78 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 therefore it is the duty of every private man to give 
 the alarm whenever he perceives any thing doing 
 which mud have a tendency to alter and impair that 
 plan of government under which we and our an- 
 ceftors have lived free And this we propofe fhall 
 be partly the bufineis of this paper. 
 
 The adverfaries, that in all probability will oppofe 
 us in this defign, are not much to be feared. That 
 paper, which is looked upon as the work of the greateft 
 wits, and mod profound politicians of the faction, 
 for they are not to be called a party* might be ex* 
 cflled by the lowed productions in Grub-ftreet; yet 
 here you fee all the good fenfe that is amongd them, 
 and it would be reafon enough for making the peo- 
 ple uneafy, if they fhould have a notion that the pub- 
 lic affairs were to be managed by fuch hands as 
 publifh the mod idle, the moft inconfiftent, and mod 
 fhvifh fchemes of politics, that the world ever faw. 
 . I cannot help thinking, that they have taken uj} a 
 notion, that the only qualification of a political writer 
 is a hardy and intrepid manner of aflerting what is 
 not, and of denying what is. As to their profligate 
 manner of endeavouring to turn public fpirit into 
 ridicule, they have done it with fo little wit, that they 
 have not been able to gain the very laughers on their 
 fide. Thanks be to their dullnefs, it rifes againd their 
 oppofition : he that laughs with them, mud laugh 
 without a jed , and therefore, as often as I faw my 
 predeccfibrs employ their wit againd thofe who'never 
 ufed that weapon againd them, I own I did not look 
 upon it as very generous in them , methinks, if I 
 were mader of that weapon called wit, I fhould be as 
 
 much
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. X. XI. 79 
 much aftiamed of drawing it again ft an Ofborne, or 
 a Walfingham, as I mould of drawing a fword againft 
 a naked man. 
 
 Upon the whole, though I have promifed never to 
 be dull with defign, yet I would not have the public 
 expect much from me at fuch times as I mail be 
 drawn into a difpute with that paper, which has a mob 
 of Swifs writers to fupport it ; it is a Briareus with 
 an hundred hands, but not one head : and as there is 
 neither conduct, nor order, nor difcipline, nor honor, 
 amongft them, they will be as eafily defeated as any 
 other rabble. 
 
 XI. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, Auguft 20, 1737. N 30. 
 
 npHOUGH the feparation of the parliament 
 generally fufpends the vigor of political alter- 
 cations, I doubt it creates domeftic ones, not lefs 
 {harp and acrimonious ; and, poflibly, the individuals 
 of both houfes may find as warm debates at home, as 
 any they have met with during the courfe of the 
 fefilon. 
 
 Their motion for adjourning into the country is, 
 I believe, feldom feconded by their wives and daugh- 
 ters -, and, if at lad they carry it, it is more by the 
 exertion of their authority, than by the cogency of 
 their reafoning. 
 
 This
 
 go LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 This act of power fo ftrenuoufly vvithftood at firft, 
 and fo unwillingly fubmitted to at laft, lays but an 
 indifferent foundation of domeftic harmony during 
 their retirement ; and I am furprized that the throne, 
 which never fails, at the end of the feffion, to recom- 
 mend to both houfes certain wholefome and general 
 rules for their behaviour and conduct, when fcattered 
 in their refpective counties, mould hitherto have 
 taken no notice of their ladies, nor have made them 
 the leaft excnfe for the difagreeable confequences 
 which refult to them from the recefs. Nay, even in 
 the female reigns of queen Elizabeth and queen 
 Anne, I cannot difcover that any advice, or appli- 
 cation of this nature, has ever been directed to the 
 fair fex -, as if their uneafmefs and diffatisfaction were 
 matters of no concern to the peace and good order 
 of the kingdom in general. 
 
 For my own part, I fee this affair in a very dif- 
 ferent light; and I think I mall do both my coun- 
 try and the miniftry good fervice, if, by any advice 
 and confolation 1 can offer to my fair countrywomen^ 
 in this their dreadful time of trouble and trial, I can 
 alleviate their misfortunes, and mitigate the horrors 
 of their retirement , fince it is obvious, that the peo- 
 ple in the country, who fee things but at a diltance, 
 will never believe that matters go right, when they 
 obferve a general difcontent in every one but the 
 mafter of the family, whofe particular tranquillity 
 they may, poffibly, afcribe to particular reafons, and 
 not to the happy ilate of the public. Befides that, 
 my real concern and regard for the fair fex excites 
 my compaffion for them -, and I fympathize with 
 
 them
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XI. S/ 
 them in that fcene of grief and defpair which the 
 profped of their fix months exile prefcncs to them. 
 
 I own I have been fo fenfibly touched, as 1 have 
 gone along the ftreets, to fee, at the one pair of flairs 
 windows, fo many fine eyes bathed in tears, and d.if- 
 mally fixed upon the fatal waggons loading at their 
 doors, that I refolved, my endeavours ihould not be 
 wanting to adminifter to them whatever amufement 
 or comfort I could think of, under their prefent 
 calamity. 
 
 The antient philofophers have left us moft excel- 
 lent rules for our conduct, under the various afflictions 
 to which we are liable. They bid us not be grieved 
 at misfortunes, nor pleafed with profperity , and un- 
 deniably prove, that thofe imaginary ills of old age, 
 ficknefs, the lofs of friends, fortune, &c. would really 
 not be ills, if we were but wife enough not to be af- 
 fected by them. But I have no where found, in their 
 writings, any conlblation offered to the fair lex, to 
 fupport and ftrengthen them under the rigors of a 
 country life. Whether this barbarous cuftom of con- 
 fining the ladies half the rear in the country was noc 
 praclifed among the antients, whether the caie was not 
 looked upon as above comfort or below attention, or 
 whether the Goths and Vandals may not have de- 
 prived the learned world of thole valuable treadles, I 
 cannot tell : but this is certain, that I know no cafe 
 of greater companion, and few of greater confe- 
 quence, than that of a fine woman, hurried, not only 
 by her hufband, but with her hufband, from all the 
 joys of London, to all the horrors of the manfion- 
 ieat in the country j where, not to mention many 
 
 VOL. II. G o:le:
 
 8 2 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 other circumftances of this tyranny, in one particular, 
 I fear it too often refembles the Mezentian cruelty of 
 tying a living body to a dead one. 
 
 I firft addrefs myfelf to thofe ladies, whofe diftin- 
 guifhed beauty, delicacy, and accomplifhments, juftly 
 place them at the head of the pleafures and falhion 
 of the town. Their will is the law, and their exam- 
 ple the model, of the polite world : poflefied, one 
 half of the year, of more than imperial fway ; the 
 other half, they groan under the ufurped power of 
 their hufbands. Nay, even the fuperior beauty of 
 many ladies, like the fuperior merit of many illuftrious 
 Athenians, has often both caufed and prolonged their 
 exile. Can kings depofed and imprifoned experience 
 a more cruel reverfe of fortune than this ? Their 
 cafe is certainly above comfort j and I own I am at a 
 lofs what to recommend to them. Succedanea there 
 are none ; I mail only endeavour to fuggeft lenitives. 
 
 I am not abfurd enough, even to hint the ufual 
 rural recreations, of fetching a walk, a horfe-race, an 
 afiize-ball, or a fillabub under the red cow; which 
 muft all of them be exceedingly fhocking to their 
 delicacy. Befides, v I know, that, at their firft arrival 
 in the country, they entirely give up all hopes, not 
 only of pleafure, but of comfort, and, from a juft 
 contempt of whatever they are to fee or hear, plunge 
 themfelves at once into an auguft melancholy, and a 
 fullen defpair, like captive princefies in a tragedy. 
 
 I wifh I could procure them a fix-months deep or 
 annihilation , but, as that is not in my power, the bed 
 advice I can give them, is to carry down a provifion 
 of the tenderdt books, which will at once improve 
 
 their
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XI. 83 
 their (lyle, nourifh all the delicacy of their fentiments, 
 and keep imagination awake. 
 
 The moft voluminous romances are the moft 
 ferviceable, and wear the be ft in the country, fince 
 four or five of them will very near hold out the 
 feafon. Befides that, the pleafing defcriptions of the 
 flowery vales, where the tender heroines Ib often be- 
 wailed the abfence of their much-loved heroes, may, 
 by the help of a little imagination and an elegant 
 fympathy, render the Iblitary profpecl: of the neigh- 
 bouring fields a little more fupportable. 
 
 This ferious fludy may fometimes be diverfified by 
 fhort and practical novels, of which the French lan- 
 guage furnilhes great abundance. Here the ca- 
 taftrophe comes fooner, and nature has its mare, as 
 well as fentiments ; ib that a lady may exactly fit the 
 humour me happens to be in. 
 
 If a gentle languor only infpires tender fentiments, 
 fhe may find, in the cleared light, whatever can be 
 faid upon k ccsur & I'efprit (the heart and the mind), 
 to indulge thofe thoughts ; or, if intruding nature 
 breaks-in with warmer images, fhe will likewife find 
 in thofe excellent manuals fuitable and correfpond- 
 ing pafTages. The pleafing tumult of the fenfes, 
 the foft annihilation, and the expiring fighs of the 
 diflblving happy pair, may agreeably recall the me- 
 mory of certain tranfactions in the foregoing winter, 
 or anticipate the expected joys of the enfuing one. 
 
 Some time too may be employed in epiftolatory 
 
 correfpondence with diftrefied,fympathizing, friends in 
 
 the fame fituation, pathetically delcribing all the dif- 
 
 agreeable circumrtances of the country : with this 
 
 G z juft
 
 8 4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 juft exception only, " that one could bear with it 
 " well enough for two or three months in the fura- 
 " mer, with the company one liked, and without 
 " the company one difliked." 
 
 As for the more fecret and tender letters,which are to 
 go under two or three directions, and as many covers, 
 the uppermort: to be directed by trufty Betty, and by 
 her given into the poftman's own hand, they of courfe 
 furnifh out the moft pleafing moments of the con- 
 finement , and I dare fay, I need neither recommend 
 them, nor the attentive and frequent perufal of the 
 anfwers returned to them. 
 
 But, as thefe occupations will neceflarily meet with 
 fome interruption, and as there will be intervals in 
 the day, when thoughts will claim their mare, as at 
 dinner with my lord or his neighbours, or on Sundays 
 at church ; I advife that they mould be turned as 
 much as poffible from the many difagreeable, to the 
 few agreeable profpects, which the country affords. 
 
 Let them reflect, that thefe abfences, however 
 painful foi 1 the time, revive and animate paffions, 
 which, without fome little cefiation, might decay 
 and grow languid. Let them confider, how pro- 
 pitious the chapter of accidents is to them in the 
 country, and what charming events they may rea- 
 fonably flatter themfelves with, from the effufion of 
 ftrong beer and port, and the friendly interpofition 
 of hedges, ditches, and five- barred gates : not to 
 mention another poffible contingency, of their huf- 
 bands meeting with Action's fate from their own 
 hounds, which, whether probable or not, they know 
 beft. 
 
 With
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XL g$ 
 With thefe profpects, and thefe difiipations, I mould 
 hope they may pafs, or rather kill, the tedious time 
 of their banilhment, without very great anxiety , but, 
 if that cannot be, there is but one expedient more 
 which occurs to me, and which I have often known 
 praclifed with fuccefs ; that is, the colic, and pains of 
 the llomach, to fuch a degree, as abfolutely to require 
 the afliftance of the Bath. The colic, in the ftomach. 
 I mean, is a clean genteel diftemper, and by no means 
 below women of the firft condition, and they mould 
 always keep it by them, to be ufed as occafion re- 
 quires ; for as its diagnoftics are neither vifible nor 
 certain, it is pleadable again ft hufband, neighbours, 
 and relations, without any poffibility of being tra- 
 verfed. 
 
 As for thofe ladies who move but in a fecond 
 fphere in town, their cafe is far from being fo com- 
 pafllonate, their fall from London to the country 
 being by no means fo confiderable ; nay, in fome parti- 
 culars, I am not fure if they are not gainers by it. 
 For they are indifputably in the country; what they 
 never are in town, the firft. They give currency to 
 fafhions and exprefiions ; they are flared at, admired, 
 and confulted ; and the female diftrict forms itfelf 
 upon their model. They are likewife of a more ac- 
 commodating temper, and can let themfelves down 
 to country recreations ; they do not difdain the neigh- 
 bouring afiembly, nor the captain of dragoons who 
 commands at it. They can fwalknv a glafs of red 
 wine and a macaroon in the evening, when hofpitably 
 tendered them by the fquire's lady, or the parfon's 
 wife ; and, upon a pinch, can make up a country 
 G 3 dance
 
 86 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 dance at night, with the help of the butler, the houfe- 
 keeper, and a couple of chairs. 
 
 It is true, thefe are but condefcenfions too, which 
 they would be horribly afhamed of, fhould they be 
 detected in the fact by any of their London acquaint- 
 ance; but ftill, with thefe helps, the fummer goes 
 off tolerably well, till bad roads, bad weather, and 
 long evenings, change the fcene. Then comes the 
 dire domeftic ftruggle : the lady expofes with fatire 
 and contempt the ruftic pleafures that detain them 
 in the country ; the hufband retorts the pleafures of 
 a different nature, which, he conceives, invite her 
 ladyfhip up to town : warmth enfues, the lady grows 
 eloquent, the hulband coarfe, and from that time, 
 till the day is fixed for going to London, peace is 
 banimed the family. 
 
 The Bath would be of fovereign efficacy in this 
 cafe too, and, like the waters of Lethe, would wafh 
 away the remembrance of thefe difagreeable incidents ; 
 but, if that cannot be compaffed, the laft refort I can 
 recommend to thefe ladies is, by the alternate and pro- 
 per ufe of clamor and fullennefs, invectives and tears, 
 to reduce their hufbands to feek for quiet in town. 
 
 How ufeful thefe my endeavours for the fervice of 
 my fair countrywomen may prove, I cannot pretend 
 to fay ; but I hope, at leaft, they will be acceptable to 
 them ; and that, in return for my good intentions, they 
 will admit my paper, with their tea tables, to diffipate 
 fome of the tedious moments of their retirement. 
 
 XII.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XL XII. 87 
 
 XII. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, Sept. 3, 1737. N 32. 
 
 TV/TONSIEUR de la Rochefoucault veryjuftly 
 -*--- obferves, that people are never ridiculous from 
 their real, but from their affected, characters ; they 
 cannot help being what they are, but they can help 
 attempting to appear what they are not. A hump- 
 back is by no means ridiculous, unlefs it be under a 
 fine coat ; nor a weak underftanding, unlefs it aflumes 
 the luftre and ornaments of a bright one. Good- 
 nature conceals and pities the inevitable defects of 
 body or mind, but is not obliged to treat acquired 
 ones with the lead indulgence. Thofe, who would 
 pafs upon the world talents which they have not, 
 are as guilty in the common courfe of fociety, as thofe 
 who, in the way of trade, would put off falfe money, 
 knowing it to be fuch ; and it is as much the bufinefs 
 of ridicule to expofe the former, as of the law to 
 punim the latter. 
 
 I do not here mean to confider the affectation of 
 moral virtues, which comes more properly under the 
 definition of hypocrify, and juftly excites our indigna- 
 tion and abhorrence, as a criminal deceit ; but I mall 
 confine myfelf now to the affectation of thofe lefier 
 talents and accomplifhments, without any of which a 
 man may be a very worthy valuable man, and only 
 becomes a very ridiculous one by pretending to them. 
 Thofe people are the proper, and, it may be, the 
 G 4 only
 
 88 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 only proper objecls of ridicule; for they are above 
 fools, who are below it, and below wife men', who are 
 above it. They are the coxcombs lord Rochefter 
 defcribes as felf-created, and of whom he fays, that 
 God never made one worth a groat. Befides, as they 
 are rebels and traitors to common fenfe, whofe natural- 
 born fubjects they are, I am juftified in treating them 
 \virh the utmoft rigor. 
 
 I cannot be of the general opinion, that thefe cox- 
 combs have firft impofed upon themfelves, and really 
 think themfelves what they would have others think 
 them. On the contrary, I am perfuaded that every 
 man knows himfelf bed, and is his own fevereft 
 cenfor , nay, I am convinced that many a man has 
 lived and died with faults and weaknefles, which no- 
 body but himfelf ever difcovered. It is true, they 
 keep their own fecrets inviolate, which makes people 
 believe th?y have not found it out. Why do we dif- 
 ccrn the failings of our friends fooner and better than, 
 we do other people's, but becauie we intereft our- 
 felves more in them ? By the fame rule, we feel our 
 own ftill fooner. And pofllbly, in this cafe alone, we 
 are kinder to our friends than to ourfelves , fince I 
 very much queftion if a man would love his friend fo 
 well if he were faultlefs, and he would certainly like 
 himfelf the better for being fo. If this fuppofuion 
 be true, as I think it is, my coxcombs are both the 
 more guilty, and the more ridiculous, as they live in 
 a conftant couife of practical lying, and in the ab- 
 furd and fanguine hopes of patting undetected. 
 
 Fatuus, the moft confummate coxcomb of this or 
 any other age or country, has parts enough to have 
 
 excelled
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XII. 89 
 excelled in almoft any one thing he would have ap- 
 plied himfelf to. But he muft excel in all. He muft 
 be at once a wit, a lover, a fcholar, and a ftatefman ; 
 yet, confcious of the impracticability of the under- 
 taking, he parcels out his accomplifhments, and com- 
 pounds to have the feveral branches of his merit ad- 
 mired in feparate diftri&s. 
 
 Hence, he talks politics to his women, wit to mi- 
 nifters of itate, difplays his learning to beaux, and 
 brags of his fucceis In gallantry to his country neigh- 
 bours. His caution is a proof of his guilt, and mews 
 that he does not deceive himfelf, but only hopes to 
 impoid upon others. Fatuus's . parts have undone 
 him, and brought him to a bankruptcy of common 
 fenfe and judgement ; as many have been ruined by 
 great eftates, which led them into expences they were 
 not able to iupport. 
 
 There are few fo univerfal coxcombs as Fatuus, to 
 whom I therefore gave the poft of honor ; but infinite 
 are the numbers of minor coxcombs, who are cox- 
 combs quoad hoc, and who have fingled out certain 
 accornpli'nments, which they are reiblved to pofiefs in 
 fpite of reluctant nature. Their mofl general at- 
 tempts are at wit and women, as the two mofl mining 
 and glittering talents in the beau monde. 
 
 Thus Protervus, who has a good icrious under- 
 ftanding, contrives to pafs almoft for a fool, becaufe 
 he will be a wit. He muft mine ; he admires and 
 purfues the luftre of wit, which, like an ignis fatuus^ 
 leads him out of his way into all forts of abfurdities. 
 He is awkwardly pert; he puns, twifts words, inverts 
 fentences, and retails in one company the fcraps he 
 
 has
 
 90 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 has picked up in another ; but ftill, confcious of his 
 own infufficiency, he cautioufly feeks to fhine where 
 he hopes he may dazzle, and prudently declines the 
 encounter of the flrongeft eyes. How often have I 
 feen his unnatural alacrity iiiddenly confounded, and 
 fhrinking into filence, at the appearance of fomebody 
 of avowed and unqueftioned wit ! 
 
 Ponderofus has a flow, laborious underftanding, a 
 good memory, and, with application, might fucceed 
 in bufmefs ; but truly he muft be a fine man, and 
 fucceed with women. He expofes his clumfy figure 
 by adorning it, makes declaration of love with all the 
 form and folemnity of a proclamation, and ridiculoufly 
 confumes in revels the time he might ufefully employ 
 at the defk. He cannot be ignorant of his ill fuc- 
 cefs -, he feels it, but endeavours to impofe upon the 
 world, by hinting, in one fet of company, his fuccefies 
 in another -, and by whifpering, in public places, with 
 an air of familiarity, fuch indifferent trifles, as would 
 not juftify the woman in refufing to hear them. But 
 how have I feen him fkulk at the approach of the 
 real favourite, and betray his confcioufnefs of his af- 
 fected character ! Be it known to Ponderofus, and 
 all thofe of his turn, that this vanity, befides the ab- 
 furdity of it, leads them into a mod immoral at- 
 tempt ; and that this practical defamation of a wo- 
 man more juftly deferves an action at Jaw, than a 
 coarfe word ralhly uttered. 
 
 Garrulus hopes to pafs for an orator, without either 
 tvords or matter ; it is plain he knows his own po- 
 verty, by his laborious robbery of authors. He pafles 
 the nights in book-breaking, and puts off in the day- 
 time
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XII. 91 
 time the flolen goods as his own ; but fo awkwardly 
 and unfkilfully, that they are always brought back to 
 their true owners. 
 
 Bavius, ballafted with all the lead of a German, 
 will rife into poetry, without either ear or invention : 
 he recites, what he calls his verfes, to his female rela- 
 tions, and his city acquaintance, but never mentions 
 them to Pope. 
 
 Perplexus infifts upon being a man of bufinefs, 
 and, though formed, at beft, for a letter-carrier, will 
 be a letter-writer ; but, confcious that he can neither 
 be necefiary nor ufeful, endeavours to be tolerated by 
 an implicit conformity to men and times. 
 
 In fhort, there are as many fpecies of coxcombs, 
 as there are defirable qualifications and accomplifh- 
 ments in life ; and it would be endlefs to give in- 
 flances of every particular vanity and affectation, by 
 which men either make themfelves ridiculous, or, at 
 lead, depreciate the other qualities they really pofTefs. 
 Every one's obfervation will furnifh him with exam- 
 ples enough of this kind. But I will now endeavour 
 to point out the means of avoiding thefe errors ; 
 though, indeed, they are fo obvious in themfelves, 
 that one mould think it unneceffary, if one did not 
 daily experience the contrary. 
 
 It is very certain, that no man is fit for every 
 riling-, but it is almoft as certain too, that there is 
 fcarce any one man, who is not fit for fomething, 
 which fomething nature plainly points out to him, 
 by giving him a tendency and propenfity to it. I 
 .look upon common lenfe to be to the mind, what 
 conlcience is to the heart, the faithful and conftant 
 
 monitor
 
 92 LORD CHESTERFIELD' 8 
 monitor of what is right or wrong. And I am con- 
 vinced that no man commits either a crime or a folly, 
 but againft the manifeft and fenfible reprefentations 
 of the one or the other. Every man finds in himfelf, 
 either from nature or education, for they are hard 
 to diftinguim, a peculiar bent and difpofition to Ibme 
 particular character ; and his ftruggling againft it is 
 the fruitlefs and endlefs labor of Sifyphus. Let him 
 follow and cultivate that vocation, he will fucceed in 
 it, and be confiderable in one way at lead ; whereas, 
 if he departs from it, he will at beft be inconfidera- 
 ble, probably ridiculous. Mankind, in general, have 
 not the indulgence and good-nature to fave a whole 
 city for the fake of five righteous ; but are more in- 
 clined to condemn many righteous, for the fake of a 
 few guilty. And a man may eafily fink many vir- 
 tues by the weight of one folly, but will hardly be 
 able to prot-dt many follies by the force of one virtue. 
 The players, who get their parts by heart, and are to 
 fimulate but for three hours, have a regard, in choof- 
 ing thofe parts, to the natural bent of their genius. 
 Penkethman never acted Cato ; nor Booth, Scrub ; 
 their invincible unfitnefs for thofe characters would 
 inevitably have broke out in the fhort time of their 
 reprefentation. How then (hall a man hope to act 
 with fuccefs all his life long a borrowed and ill-fuited 
 character? In my mind, Pinkey got more credit by 
 acting Scrub well, than he would have got by acting 
 Cato ill ; and I would much rather be an excellent 
 {hoemaker, than a ridiculous and inept minifter of 
 ftate. I greatly admire our induftrious neighbours, 
 the Germans, for many things ; but for nothing more 
 6 than
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XII. 93 
 than their Heady adherence to the voice of nature: 
 they indefatigably purfue the way (he has chalked out 
 to them, and never deviate into any irregularities of 
 character. Thus many of the firft rank, if happily- 
 turned to mechanics, have employed their whole 
 lives in the incatenation of Heas, or the curious fculp- 
 ture of cherry-ftones ; while others, \\hofe thirft of 
 knowledge leads them to investigate the iecrets of 
 nature, fpend years in their elaboratory, 5n purluit of 
 the philofopher's ftone : but none, that I have heard 
 of, ever deviated into an attempt at wit. Nay, even due 
 care is taken in the education of their princes, that 
 they may be fit for fomething, for they are always 
 instructed in fome other trade befides that of govern- 
 ment ; fo that, if their genius does not lead them to 
 be able princes,: it is ten to one but they are excel- 
 lent turners. 
 
 I will conclude my remonftrcmce to the coxcombs 
 of Great Britain with this admonition and engage- 
 ment, that " they difband their affectations, and 
 <c common fenfe (hall be their friend." Otherwife I 
 fliall proceed to further extremities, and fingle out, 
 from time to time, the moft daring offenders. 
 
 1 muft obferve, that the word coxcomb is of the 
 common gender, both mafculine and feminine ; and 
 that the male coxcombs are equalled in number by 
 the female ones, who (hall be the fubject of my next 
 paper. 
 
 XI".
 
 94 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 XIII. 
 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 SATURDAY, Sept. 10, 1737. N 33. 
 
 HAVING, in my former paper, cenfured, with 
 freedom, the affectations and follies of my own 
 fex, I flatter myfelf, that I mall meet with the in- 
 dulgence of the ladies, while I confider, with the fame 
 impartiality, thofe weaknefles and vanities to which 
 their lex is as liable as ours, and, if I dare fay fo, 
 rather more, as their fphere of action is more bounded 
 and circumfcribed. Man's province is univerfal, and 
 comprehends every thing, from the culture of the 
 earth, to the government of it; men only become 
 coxcombs, by afTuming particular characters, for 
 which they are particularly unfit, though others may 
 fhine in thofe very characters. But the cafe of the 
 fair fex is quite different ; for there are many cha- 
 racters which are not of the feminine gender, and, 
 confequently, there may be two kinds of women cox- 
 combs , thofe who affect what does not fall within 
 their department ; and thofe who go out of their own 
 natural characters, though they keep within the 
 female province. 
 
 I mould be very forry to offend, where I only mean 
 to advife and reform ; I therefore hope the fair fex 
 will pardon me, when I give ours this preference. 
 Let them reflect, that each fex has its diftinguifhing 
 characteriftic : and if they can with juftice, as cer- 
 tainly they may, brand a man with the name of a 
 
 cott-
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PI-ECES. XIII. 95 
 cott-quean, if he invades a certain female detail, which 
 is unqueftionably their prerogative, may not we, with 
 equal juftice, retort upon them, when, laying afide 
 their natural characters, they afTume thofe which are 
 appropriated to us? The delicacy of their texture, 
 and the ftrength of ours, the beauty of their form, 
 and the coarfenefs of ours, iufficiently indicate the 
 refpective vocations. Was Hercules ridiculous and 
 contemptible with his diftaff? Omphale would not 
 have been lefs fo at a review or a council-board. 
 Women are not formed for great cares themfelves, 
 but to footh and foften ours : their tendernefs is the 
 proper reward for the toils we undergo for their pre- 
 fer vation ; and the eafe and chearfulnefs of their con- 
 verfation, ourdefirable retreat from the labors of ftudy 
 and bufinefs. They are confined within the narrow 
 limits of domeftic offices ; and, when they ftray be- 
 yond them, they move excentrically, and confequently 
 without grace. 
 
 Agrippina, born with an underftanding and dif- 
 pofitions, which could, at bed, have qualified her for 
 the fordid help-mate of a pawnbroker or ufurer, pre- 
 tends to all the accomplimments that ever adorned 
 man or woman, without the poflcflion, or even the 
 true knowledge, of any one of them. She would ap- 
 pear learned, and has juft enough of all things, with- 
 out comprehending any one, to make her talk ab- 
 furdly upon every thing. She looks upon the art of 
 pleafmg as her mafter-piece, but miftakes the means 
 fo much, that her flattery is too grols for felf-love to 
 fwallow, and her lies too palpable to deceive for a 
 moment ; fo that fl;e fhocks thqfe ihe would gain. 
 
 Moan
 
 ^6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Mean tricks, fhallow cunning, and breach of faith, 
 conflicute her miftaken fyftem of politics. She en- 
 deavours to appear generous at the expence of trifles, 
 while an indifcreet and unguarded rapacioufnefs dif- 
 covers her natural and infatiable avidity. Thus 
 miftaking the perfections me would feeni to poflefs, 
 and the means of acquiring even them, fhe becomes 
 the mod ridiculous, inftead of the mod complete, 
 of her fex. 
 
 Eudofia, the mod frivolous woman in the world, 
 condemns her own fex for being too trifling. She 
 deipifes the agreeable levity and chearfulnefs of a 
 mixed company ; fhe will be ferious, that fhe will ; 
 and emphatically intimates, that fhe thinks reafon and 
 good fenfe very valuable things. She never mixes 
 in the general converfation, but fingles out fome one 
 man, whom fhe thinks worthy of her good fenfe, 
 and in a half voice, or fotto vocey difcuffes her folid 
 trifles in his ear, dwells particularly upon the moft 
 trifling circumftances of the main trifle, which fhe en- 
 forces with the proper inclinations of head and body, 
 and with the moft exprefTive gefliculations of the 
 fan, modeflly confetfing every now and then, by way 
 of parenthefis, that poffibly it may be thought pre- 
 fumprion in a woman to talk at all upon thofe matters. 
 In the mean time, her unhappy hearer ftifles a thou- 
 fand gapes, afients univerfally to whatever me fays, 
 in hopes of fhortening the converfation, and carefully 
 watches the firft favourable opportunity, which any 
 motion in the company gives him, of making his 
 efcape from this excellent folid underftanding. Thus 
 deferted, but not .difcouraged, fhe takes the whole 
 
 company
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIII. 97 
 company in their turns, and has, for every one, a 
 whifper of equal Importance. If Endofia would con- 
 tent herfelf with her natural talents, play at cards, 
 make tea and vifits, talk to her dog often, arid to her 
 company but fometimes, fhe would not be ridiculous, 
 but bear a very tolerable part in the polite world. 
 
 Sydaria had beauty enough to have exculed, while 
 young, her want of common fenfe. But fhe fcorned 
 the fortuitous and precarious triumphs of beauty* 
 She would only conquer by the charms of her mind* 
 An union of hearts, a delicacy of fentiments, a mental 
 adoration, or a fort of tender quietifm, were what (he 
 long fought for, and never found. Thus nature 
 ilruggled with fentiment till (he was five and forty, 
 but then got the better of it to fuch a degree, that (he 
 made very advantageous propofals to an Irifli enfign 
 of one and twenty : equally ridiculous in her age and 
 in her youth. 
 
 Canidia, withered by age, and mattered by infirmi- 
 ties, totters under the load of her mifplaced orna- 
 ments, and her drefs varies according to the frelheft 
 advices from Paris, inftead of conforming itfelf, as it 
 ought, to the directions of her undertaker. Her 
 mind, as weak as her body, is abfurdly adorned : (he 
 talks politics and metaphyfics, mangles the terms of 
 each, and, if there be fenfe in either, moft infallibly 
 puzzles it j adding intricacy to politics, and darknefs 
 to myfteries, equally ridiculous in this world and the 
 next. 
 
 I (hall not now enter into an examination of the 
 lefier affectations (moll of them are pardonable, and 
 many of them are pretty, if their owners are fo) ; but 
 
 VOL. II. H confine
 
 98 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 confine my prefent anitnadverfions to the affectation^ 
 of ill-fuited characters, for I would by no means de- 
 prive my fair countrywomen of their genteel little 
 terrors, antipathies, and affections. The alternate 
 panicks of thieves, fpiders, ghofts, and thunder, are 
 allowable to youth and beauty, provided they do not 
 furvive them. But what I mean is, to prevail with 
 them to act their own natural parts, and not other 
 peoples ; and \o convince them, that even their own 
 imperfections will become them better than the bor- 
 rowed perfections of others. 
 
 Should fome lady of fpirit, unjuftly offended at 
 thefe reflections, afk what province I leave to their 
 fex ? I anfwer, that I leave them whatever has not 
 been peculiarly afligned by nature to ours. I leave 
 them a mighty empire, Love. There they reign ab- 
 folute, and by unqueflioned right, while beauty fup- 
 ports their throne. They have all the talents requi- 
 fite for that foft empire, and the ableft of our fex 
 cannot contend with them in the profound knowledge 
 and conduct of thofe arcana. But then, thofe who 
 are depofed by years or accidents, or thofe, who by 
 nature were never qualified to reign, mould content 
 themlelves with the private care and ceconorny of 
 their families, and the diligent difcharge of domeltic 
 duties. 
 
 I take the fabulous birth of Minerva, the goddefs 
 of arms, wifdom, arts, and fciences, to have been an 
 allegory of the anrients, calculated to mew, that wo- 
 men of natural and ufuai births mult not aim at thofe 
 accompliiliments. She fprang armed out of Jupiter's 
 head, without the co-operation of his contort Juno ; 
 2 and
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XlII. 99 
 and as fuch only had thofe great provinces affigned 
 her. 
 
 I confefs, one has read of ladies, fuch as Semiramis, 
 Thaleftris, and others, who have made very con- 
 fiderable figures in the moft heroic and manly parts 
 of life , but, confidering the great antiquity of thofe 
 hiltories, and how much they are mixed up with fa- 
 bles, one is at liberty to queftion either the facts, or 
 the fex. Befides that, the moil ingenious and erudite 
 Conrad Wolfang Laboriofus Nugatorius, of Hall in 
 Saxony, has proved to a demonftration, in the I4th 
 volume, page 2981, of his learned treatife De Herma- 
 phroditis, that all the reputed female heroes of anti- 
 quity were of this Epicene fpecies, though, out of 
 regard to the fair and modeft part of my readers, I 
 dare not quote the feveral facts and reafonings with 
 which he fupports this afikrtion ; and as for the 
 heroines of modern date, we have more than fufpicioris 
 of their being at leaft of the epicene gender. The 
 greateft monarch that ever filled the Britim throne, 
 till very lately, was queen Elizabeth, of whole fex we 
 have abundant reafon to doubt, hiftory furniihing us 
 with many inftances of the manhood of that princefs, 
 without leaving us one fingle fymptom or indication 
 of the woman; and thus much is certain, that (he 
 thought it improper for her to marry a man. The 
 great Chriftina, queen of Sweden, was allowed by 
 every body to be above her fex ; and the mafculine 
 was fo predominant in her compofition, that fhe even 
 conformed, at lad, to its drefs, and ended her days 
 in Italy. I therefore require that thofe women, w r ho 
 infift upon going beyond the bounds allotted to their 
 H 2 fex,
 
 ioo LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fex, fhould previoufly declare themfelves in form 
 hermaphrodites, and be regiftered as fuch in their 
 feveral parifhes j till when, I fhall not fuffer them to 
 confound politics, perplex metaphyfics, and darken 
 myfteries. 
 
 How amiable may a woman be, what a comfort 
 and delight to her acquaintance, her friends, her re- 
 lations, her lover, or her hu(band, in keeping ftridly 
 within her character ! She adorns all female virtues 
 with native female foftnefs. Women, while untainted 
 by affectation, have a natural chearfulnefs of mind, 
 tendernefs and benignity of heart, which juftly en- 
 dears them to us, either to animate our joys, or footh 
 our forrows ; but how are they changed, and how 
 Ihocking do they become, when the rage of ambition, 
 or the pride of learning, agitates and fwells thofe 
 breads, where only love, friendfliip, and tender care, 
 fhould dwell ! 
 
 Let Flavia be their model, who, though me could 
 fupport any character, aflumes none, never milled by 
 fancy or vanity, but guided fmgly by reafon : what- 
 ever me fays or does is the manifeft refult of a happy 
 nature, and a good underftanding, though (he knows 
 whatever women ought, and, it may be, more than 
 they are required to know. She conceals the fupe- 
 riority fne has with as much care, as others take to 
 difplay the fuperiority they have nqt ; (he conforms 
 herfelf to the turn of the company (he is in, but in a 
 way of rather avoiding to be diftanced, than defiring 
 to take the lead. Are they merry, fhe is chearful ; 
 are they grave, fhe is ferious ; are they abfurd, me is 
 filent. Though Ihe thinks and fpeaks as a man 
 
 would
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIII.XIV.ioi 
 would do, (he effeminates, if I may ufe the exprefiion, 
 whatever me fays, and gives all the graces of her own 
 fex to the ftrength of ours ; Ihe is well-bred without 
 the troublefome ceremonies and frivolous forms of 
 thofe who only affect to be fo. As her good-breed- 
 ing proceeds jointly from good-nature and good fenfe, 
 the former inclines her to oblige, and the latter fhews 
 her the eafieft and beft way of doing it. Woman's 
 beauty, like men's wit, is generally fatal to the 
 owners, unlefs directed by a judgement, which feldom 
 accompanies a great degree of either : her beauty 
 feems but the proper and decent lodging for fuch a 
 mind ; me knows the true value of it, and far from 
 thinking that it authorizes impertinence and coquetry, 
 it redoubles her care to avoid thofe errors that are its 
 ufual attendants. Thus me not only unites in herfelf 
 all the advantages of body and mind, but even recon- 
 ciles contradictions in others ; for me is loved and 
 efteemed, though envied, by all. 
 
 XIV. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, October 8, 1737. N 37. 
 
 OOMEBODY told the late regent of France*, 
 ^ that a very filly parifti prieft had abufed him mod 
 grofly in the pulpit; to which the regent, who was 
 much above refenting the infults of fools, anfwered 
 
 * The duke of Orleans, who was regent during the minority of 
 Lewis XV. 
 
 H 3 very
 
 102 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 very coolly, " Why does the blockhead meddle with 
 
 f 6 me ? I am not of his parim." 
 
 In this manner I reply to all the anger and indigna- 
 tion, which the grave Mr. Ofborne, an J the facetious 
 fir A. B. C. have been pleafed to exprefs againft 
 me. Cannot they let me alone ? I am fure they 
 have nothing to do with common fenfe. Nay, I even 
 return them good for evil, and do far them what I 
 believe nobody in the kingdom does but myfelf j fou 
 I take-in their papers at my own expence. It is true, 
 I find my account in it, for the Gazetteer makes me 
 laugh, and the London Journal makes me fleep. I 
 take the former in the morning, and the latter at 
 night. Sir A. B. C. and his aflbciates have fuch an 
 abfurd pertnefs, and fo inimitable an alacrity in fink- 
 ing, that it is impolliblc not to laugh at firft, though, 
 I confefs, th,ey are below it, and that it is a little ill- - 
 natured into the bargain. But one can no more help 
 it, than one can help laughing at an awkward fellow, 
 who, going to fit down, mifies his chair, and falls ri- 
 diculoufly upon his breech ; though, to be fure, there 
 is no joke in it, and very probably the poor man has 
 hurt himfelf too. Mr. Ofborne has quite a different 
 effect upon me ; his folid uniform dulnefs is the fureft 
 Ibporific I have met with ; and every Saturday night, 
 as foon as I am 'in bed, my man conftantly afks me, 
 " Does your honor take your London Journal to- 
 " night?" I never refufe his offer, and, to do him 
 juttice, he reads with a flow monotony, fo excellently 
 adapted to the performance, that one would think 
 he was the author of it himfelf.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIV. 103 
 Thus, after taking thefe two authors regularly, 
 night and morning, they are carefully laid by 5n a lit- 
 tle cV.kt, where I ultimately take them, as they hap- 
 pen to lie next my hand. 
 
 I have lately heard, with concern, that I fhall foon 
 be deprived of thefe benefits, and that my two fa- 
 vourite authors will withdraw their weekly and daily 
 labors from the public, in order to exhibit themfelves 
 in other fhapes. Mr. Ofborne, I am told, has en- 
 gaged himfelf to fupply the ftage with tragedies, and 
 fir A. B. C. with comedies ; that it may not be faid, 
 that the late act of parliament has prevented the pro- 
 duction of excellent dramatic performances, as fome 
 of the malecontents pretended it would. Though 
 this will difturb the prefent regular courle of my pre- 
 fent laughter, which I muft afterwards take by the 
 lamp, and in twelve-penny dofes, yet I muft ac- 
 knowledge them to be the propereft authors to anfwer 
 the true meaning and intendment of the bill : for I 
 will defy the moft inveterate and ingenious malice, 
 even that of the Craftfman, to apply any thing out 
 of their writings. With what impatience do I long 
 to fee the tragic fcenes of our laureat difgraced and 
 eclipfed by Ofborne's folid drama! Yes, Ofborne 
 fhall fnatch the poppies from Gibber's brow, and 
 plant them on his own. I cannot help fuggefting, 
 as a friend, to this hopeful young tragic poet, that 
 there is in the Rehearfal both a fleeping fcene, and a 
 yawning one, incomparably well written, which I 
 would advife him to have before his eyes, while he can 
 keep them open. 
 
 H 4 I con-
 
 104 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 I condole with the ingenious author of " Love in 
 <f a hollow tree *," who muft, indifputably, refign the 
 comic fcenes to fir A. B. C. 
 
 As I am perfuaded thefe two young writers will 
 have the ftage entirely to themfelves, I moft humbly 
 reprefent it to the lord chamberlain, as a piece of 
 uiftice, to have their labors equally divided between 
 the managers of the two only theatres now fubfiiVmg. 
 The comedy, I believe, muft belong to Mr. Rich , 
 for, I prefume, fir A. B. C. after the diftinguimed 
 zeal he has manifefted for the pnxeftant religion, in 
 oppofition to the attempts of Mr. Ward, would by 
 no means aid and abet a perfon of Mr. Fleetwood's 
 principles of religion. 
 
 Having faid thus much to my two friends, to whom 
 I give my word I will never fay any thing more, I 
 cannot conclude, without addreffing myfelf a little to 
 their patron and pay-mafter. He has certainly parts, 
 a pretty turn to waggery, a little coarfe indeed, but 
 yet not without fait ; and one muft allow him to be 
 what Tully allowed Nasvius, " feurra non parum fa- 
 cetus" (a buffoon not deftitute of fome humor). I 
 therefore cannot imagine why he will fufFer, much 
 
 * This comedy was written by the late lord Grimilon when a 
 boy, and printed in i 705. When he grew up, he was juftly afhamed 
 of it, and endeavoured to fupprefs it : and this he would have ef- 
 fected, but that the dutchefs of Marlborough, to ferve an election 
 purpofe, caufed a new impreflion to be printed, with an elephant hi 
 the title-page dancing on a rope. All this edition the author pur- 
 chafed; but her grace, being determined to accomplifh her defign, 
 lent a copy to be re-printed in Holland, and diibibuted the whole im- 
 prerlion among the electors of St. Albans. S^e the Original Works, 
 in verfe and profe, of Dr. William King of the Commons, 1776, 
 vol. III. p. 66. no fa 
 
 lefs
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIV. 105 
 lefs pay, fuch blockheads to write for him. I know 
 he will fay, they are the bed he can get. I admit it, 
 I dare fay they are : but then why will he have any ? 
 He had much better have none. Sylla bought-off a 
 dunce who would be writing for him, and Auguftus 
 paid a bad poet, in bad verfes, as the fureft way to 
 prevent any more. If thefe fellows are to be paid 
 for their zeal, let the honorable perfon oblige them to 
 throw him their filence into the bargain. Formerly, 
 a right reverend or two ufed to draw their pens in his 
 defence, but of late we have feen nothing from that 
 quarter neither ; whether thofe reverend perfons have 
 too much wit, or too much bifhoprick, to go on, I 
 cannot tell : but this piece of advice I will give him, 
 whenever he can get another author of that kind to 
 write for him, not to tranjlate him too foon. 
 
 This certainly never happened in any reign, or un- 
 der any adminiftration, before ; for, excepting a late 
 imitation of Horace, by Mr. Pope, who but feldom 
 meddles with public matters, I challenge the minifte- 
 rial advocates to produce one line of fenfe, or Eng- 
 lifli, written on the fame fide of the queftion for thefe 
 lad feven years. Has there been an efifay in verfe or 
 profe, has there been even a diftich, or an adver- 
 tifement, fit to be read on the fide of the admini- 
 ftration ? But on the other fide, what numbers of 
 diflertations, efiays, treatifes, compofitions of all kinds 
 in verfe and profe, have been written, with all that 
 ftrength of reafoning, quicknefs of wit, and elegance 
 of expreffion, which no former period of time can. 
 equal ? Has not every body got by heart fatires, 
 lampoons, ballads, and farcafms, againfl the admini- 
 3 ft ration ?
 
 io6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 ftration ? and can any body recoiled:, or repeat, one 
 line for it ? What can be the caufe of this ? It 
 cannot be, that thofe who are able to ferve the 
 honourable perfon defpair of being rewarded by him, 
 fince the known inftances of his liberality to the worft 
 of writers are fure pledges of his profufion to the bed. 
 Is it then the rigid virtue, the inflexible honor, of the 
 bnghteft geniufes of this age, that hinders them from 
 engaging in that caufe, for which, they would be fo 
 amply recompenfed ? If fo, I congratulate the pre- 
 fent times, for that was not ufually the characterifcic 
 of wit, and they were formerly accufed of flattery 
 at lead, if not of proftitution, to minifterial favour 
 and rewards. 
 
 In all former reigns, the wits were of the fide of the 
 minifters ; the Ofborncs and the A. B. C's againft 
 them. And how would the Godolphins, the Somers's, 
 the Halifax's, and the Dorfets, have blulhed, to 
 have been the Maecenas of fuch wretched fcribblers ? 
 But they were not reduced to fuch an ignominious 
 neceffity. They found the beft writers as proud to 
 engage in their caufe, as able to fupport it. Even 
 the infamous and pernicious meafures of King 
 Charles the fecond's reign, as they are now called, 
 were palliated, varnimed, or juftified, by the ableft 
 pens. By what uncommon fatality then is this ad- 
 minifiration deftitute of all literary fupport ? 
 
 One would be apt to fuppofc, if one did not know 
 the contrary, that there was fomething in the mea- 
 fures fo low, fo corrupt, and fo difgraceful, that 
 common decency would not fuffer wit, or good 
 fenfe, to appear on that fide, but made them, in 
 
 this
 
 MISCK LLANETOUS PIECES. XIV. 107 
 this cafe, withftand thofe temptations, to which hereto- 
 fore they have too often yielded. Nay, the mif- 
 fortune extends ftill farther : for I am told, that 
 among thofe very few, who engaged in the meafures, 
 and are able to countenance them in two certain 
 places, the beft withhold their eloquence, and only 
 fweil the numbers by a fiient and fullen concur- 
 rence. So that, as Piiny obferved in his time, Vota 
 mine numerantur, non ponderantur (votes now are 
 counted, not weighed). 
 
 As this cafe is really compaffionate in itfelf, and 
 particularly hard upon us anti-minillerial writers, as 
 we are called, who cannot pofTibly anfwer what we do 
 not underftand ; I will offer what expedients occur to 
 me, for our mutual relief. 
 
 I mould think Mr. Wreathcock and Mr. Juftice, 
 who are both happily returned from tranfportation, 
 might be of fmgular ufe in this diftrefs. The ex- 
 perienced knowledge of the former in the ufeful parts 
 of the law, and the known fktll of the latter in books 
 of all forts, muft qualify them excellently well for 
 political writers ; and if they clubbed their talents, 
 they would amply repair the lofs of the deceafed 
 Francis Walfingham, efq; or, at leaft, they would in- 
 finitely exceed any now extant. But, if this cannot 
 be brought about, and the avocations of thefe two 
 gentlemen will not allow them the leifurc to turn au- 
 thors, the laft (hi ft I can think of, and which feems 
 to me the mcft likely to be put in practice, is for the 
 adminiftration to employ their authors of acts of 
 parliament, who anfwered certain humorous theatrical 
 pieces very effectually lad year, with a u Be it en- 
 
 " acted,"
 
 icS LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " afted V and who, with a " Be it further enacted," 
 will probably reply next year, with the fame fpirit 
 and vigor, to all other performances of what kind 
 foever. 
 
 XV. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, Jan. 15, 1738. N5i. 
 
 MY ingenious predeceflbr the Spectator, whom 
 I wifli to imitate, but without pretending to 
 equal, bid his fair countrywomen, u beware the Ides 
 " of May," looking upon that feafon to be as fatal to 
 their virtue, as the Ides of March had formerly 
 proved to Czefar's life. I am fure I heartily concur 
 with him, in his regard and concern for that beauti- 
 ful part of our fpecies : but I cannot help differing 
 with him greatly, as to the time and caufes of their 
 danger, and thinking that he has left the moft critical 
 part of the year unguarded and defencelefs. Beware, 
 therefore, ye fair, fay I, the Ides of January ; and 
 mufter-up all the collected force of habit, education, 
 and virtue, to withftand the operations of the winter 
 campaign, or you may happen to fall with lefs de- 
 cency than Csefar. 
 
 The Spectator founds his apprehenfions of the 
 month of May upon three fuppofitions, all which, 
 
 * In allufion to a thought of Mr. Gay, who adnreiTed a poem to 
 his ingenious and worthy friend Mr. Lowndes, " author of that cc- 
 ** lebrated treatife in folio, called The Land Tax .#///." 
 
 with
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIV. XV. 109 
 with fubmiflion, I think groundlefs. The firft is, 
 " that the fpirits, after having been, as it were, frozen 
 " and congealed by the winter, are then turned loofe, 
 " and fet a rambling." 
 
 Surely the fpirits may more juftly be faid to be 
 turned loofe, and fet a rambling, in January, after a 
 tedious fix months confinement in the country, than 
 they can be in May, after a four months evaporation 
 in London. For my own part, I confider January 
 as the general gaol-delivery of the fair fex. It is 
 then that they come to town, fluftied with the health, 
 and irritated with the confinement, of the country. 
 It is then that, with an appetite whetted for pleafure 
 by long abftinence, they tafte more exquifitely their 
 regained liberty, and feel all the benefits of their 
 habeas corpus. And if ever conflitution or refent- 
 ment can be fuppofed to have any (hare in a fine 
 woman's tranfactions, it is then that their effects are 
 mod to be dreaded. 
 
 The Spectator's next fuppofition is, u that the gay 
 <( profpect of the fields and the meadows, with the 
 " courtfhip of the birds on every tree, naturally un- 
 " bend the mind, and foften it to pleafure." What 
 effect this rural fcene may have upon a milkmaid, I 
 cannot fay j but I can never imagine that women of 
 fafhion and delicacy can be affected by fuch objects. 
 The fields and the meadows are their averfion, and 
 the periodical anniverfary loves of the birds their con- 
 tempt. It is the gay London fcene, where fuccellive 
 pleafures raife the fpirits and warm the imagination, 
 which prepares the faireft breads to receive the ten- 
 dered ii-nprellions. 
 
 The
 
 no LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 The laft conjecture is, " that a woman is prompted 
 16 by a kind of inftinct to throw herfelf upon a bed 
 " of flowers, and not to let thole beautiful couches, 
 " which nature has provided, lye ufelefs." This 
 again evidently relates to the ruddy milkmaid ; for, 
 not to mention the danger of catching cold upon one 
 of theie beds, to any body above a milkmaid, furely 
 the privacy, conveniency, and fecurity, of a good 
 damafk-bed, or couch, are much ftronger tempta- 
 tions to a woman of famion, to recline a little, than 
 all the dazies and cowflips in a meadow. 
 
 Having thus briefly anfwered the arguments of my 
 predeceffor, or at leaft fhewn, that his care and con- 
 cern were only calculated for the inferior part of the 
 lex ; I mall, now, humbly lay before thofe of fuperior 
 rank the many " difficulties and dangers," to which 
 the winter expofes them. 
 
 I believe I may take it for granted, that every fine 
 woman, who comes to town -in January, comes 
 heartily tired both of the country and of her huf- 
 band. The happy pair have yawned at one another 
 at lead ever fince Michaelmas, and the two indivi'i- 
 ble halves, of man and wife, have been exceedingly 
 burthenfome to each other. The lady, who has had 
 full leifure moft minutely to confider her other 
 moiety, has either pofitively or comparatively found 
 out, that he is by no means a pretty man, and me- 
 ditates indemnification to herfelf, either by her re- 
 turn to the pretty man, or by enlifting one for the 
 current fervice of the year. In thefe difpofitions fhe 
 opens the winter, but at the fame time, with firm 
 and ftedfaft purpole of not tranfgrcfllng the bounds, 
 
 or
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XV. in 
 or even violating the appearances, of virtue. But 
 alas ! how frail are all our heft refolves ! The lover 
 appears firft in the innocent form of value and ef- 
 teem, his converiation is liflened to with attention, 
 and approved of : it grows frequent and particular ; 
 how can one help that ? Where is the harm of being 
 diftinguillied by the friendihip of a man of fenfe and 
 falhion ? can it be wondered at, that one converfes 
 more with him, than with a thoufand fools, that 
 would be always plaguing one ? Befides, he fays no- 
 thing one has reaibn to take ill, or that would juftify 
 one in not being civil to him. 
 
 With thefe early and juft distinctions in his favour, 
 the pretty man proceeds, and gains the more ground, 
 as his approaches are the leis perceived or appre- 
 hended. He is admitted to the toilette, as an agree- 
 able friend and companion, where he improves the 
 morning moments, which I take to be the mollia 
 tempera, fo propitious to tete-a-tet.es : here the con- 
 verfation infenfibly grows more ferious, particular 
 applications are made of general topics, fentimems of 
 love and conftancy are difcufied ; the pretty man 
 confefTes and laments his unfortunate difpofition to 
 both, and wiihes to heaven that he knew neither ; the 
 lady, not without ibme emotion, and an awkward 
 fmartnefs, tells him that fhe believes they will neither 
 of them ever do him any -great hurt. This uhjuft 
 reproach extorts from him, what otherwife he could 
 never have had the courage to have faid, viz. that, 
 " that depends entirely upon her." Here it is out, 
 the ice is broke. What is to be done ? The lady 
 now plainly perceives his meaning, which fhe never 
 
 before
 
 ii2 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 before fufpeded. She flattered herfelf that he had a 
 friendfhip and value for her, but Ihe now finds the 
 contrary. She is lorry he has put it out of her 
 power to have any longer that efteem for him 'which 
 Ihe confefies (he once had; but they muft never 
 meet any more, if that is to be the language. The 
 lover, for now I may call him fo, deprecates her 
 wrath, bids her blame her own beauty, and his fate, 
 but pity him, and prefling her hand, which, it may 
 be, in her anger, Ihe forgets to pull away, faithfully 
 promifes, never to hold that language more, if he 
 can help it. Upon this folemn engagement, he is 
 forgiven, re-admitted, and all danger is looked upon 
 to be over. Short and fallacious fecurity ! for, this 
 point once gained, the befieger, if I may borrow 
 fome military metaphors, is moft advantageoufly 
 pofted, is in a fituation to parley with the garrifon, 
 and ftands fair for the horn work. Here he can ar- 
 gue the cafe fully, fhew the negligence, the injuftice, 
 or the oppreffion, of the prefent governor, offer terms 
 of honor, fafety, and better ufage, and, by perfua- 
 fions, either bring about a willing furrender, or at 
 leaft fo far abate the vigor of the refiftance, as with a 
 little force to make himfelf mafter of the place. 
 
 Having thus reprefented the danger, I will now 
 point out the beft prefervatives, I can think of, 
 againft it \ for in this cafe prevention alone can be 
 ufed, remedy comes too late. 
 
 1 therefore recommend to my countrywomen, to be 
 particularly upon their guard againft the very man 
 whofe conqueft they moft wifh for, and to be aflured 
 that the reafons which determine their choice are fo 
 
 many
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XV. 113 
 many inftances of their danger. Let them begin to 
 reflect as foon as ever they begin to find a particular 
 pleafure in his converfation, and let them tremble 
 when they firft make him a graver curtefy than they 
 do to other people. But if, when he approaches 
 them, they pull up their gloves, adjuft their tucker, 
 and count the flicks of their fan, let them defpair, 
 for they are further gone than they imagine. And 
 though they may, for a time, deceive themfelves with 
 the nodon that it is his understanding only that en- 
 gages their attention, they will find at laft that man, 
 like the ferpent, when he has once got his head in* 
 the reft will foon follow. Friendfhip and efteem are 
 the bearded arrows of love, that enter with eafe, but, 
 when torn out, leave the wound greater. 
 
 A conftant diffipation, and hurry of various trifles', 
 is of great ufe in this cafe, and does not give leiiufe 
 to the mind to receive lading impreffions ; but be- 
 ware of feledt coteries, where, without an engagement 
 a lady paffes but for " an odd body." 
 
 A courie of .vifiting-days is alfo an excellent pre- 
 fervative againft an attachment. The rigorous fen- 
 lances of thofe tremendous tribunals, fulminated by 
 the old and ugly upon the young and fair, and 
 where, as in the inquifition, the flighted ftifpicions 
 amount to proofs, muft neceflarily ftrike great terror, 
 and infpire wholefome refolutions. 
 
 I abfolutely prohibit balls; the agitation of coun- 
 try-dances putting the blood into an unufual ferment, 
 too favourable to the partner. Befides, they often 
 encourage, and caufe, the firft fqueeze by the hand -, 
 which, according as it is taken, is either laid to t-he 
 
 VOL. II. I violence
 
 ii 4 . LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 violence of the paflion, or excufed by the impetuofiry 
 of the dance. Morever, there is a certain figure 
 called felting^ that often occasions a familiar collifion, 
 which I have often known ominous, and in its con- 
 'fequences productive of other figures. 
 
 Mafquerades fliould be ufed with great care and 
 moderation i for, though I do not look upon them 
 as either convenient or neceflfary for the ratification of 
 mutual love and alliance, I hold them to be exceed- 
 , ingly commodious for the previous negotiations , and 
 there are certain fecret articles in thofe treaties, which 
 are better afked, heard, and adjufted, between the 
 contracting parties, under a mafque than barefaced. 
 
 I have no objection to operas ; the innocence of 
 the cornpofition admitting of no application, and con- 
 veying no idea whatfoever : what little inconveniencies 
 might be apprehended from the foftnefs and tender- 
 nets of the mufic are amply counterbalanced, Sopranos 
 being the objects of the attention, and raptures of 
 the ladies. And I have even known this haronlefs 
 mufical attachment ftand many a fine woman in 
 great (lead. 
 
 But I require them to be very cautious in the choice 
 and ufe of the other theatrical entertainments, and 
 avoid the reprefentation of thofe dramatic pieces, both 
 tragic and comic, which ieem only calculated to 
 foften the heart, and inflame the imagination. What 
 warm and pleafing defcriptions of love are our belt 
 tragedies filled with ! It is commonly what the whole 
 turns upon, and is reprefented as the only comfort, 
 pleafure, or joy, of life. It is dcfcribcd, as 
 
 " The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XV. n^ 
 " The cordial drop, heaven in our cup has thrown, 
 " To make the naufeous draught of life go down/' 
 
 And can one wonder then, that a lady, who does 
 not find this incomparable drop at home, Ihould leek 
 for it elfe where ? 
 
 We are told, in another place, that, 
 
 " Life without love is load, and time Hands ftill : 
 
 " What we refufe to love to death we give, 
 
 t( And, then, then only when we love we live." 
 
 This at once explains the whole thing to them, arid 
 accounts for their being tired of their country tete-a- 
 tetes with their hufbands, and for their faying fo often, 
 " Well ! this is not living !" It feems it was all for 
 want of love ; an omiffion which they refolve not to 
 be much longer guilty of. 
 
 Mr. Dryden exprefTes himfelf with ftill more energy 
 upon this fubjecl: in Aurengzebe, and paints it in the 
 warmed and moft glowing colors j with him, it is 
 the pleafure, 
 
 " Where nature fums up all her joys in one ;" 
 and which, 
 
 " So fills the fenfes, that the foul feems fled, 
 
 " And thought itfelf does for the time lie dead.'* 
 
 Mud not fnch lively defcriptions as thefe, indepen- 
 dently of certain hints of nature, tempt curiofity to* 
 make a trial of the truth ? And is it poffible not to 
 pity, rather than blame, the experiments which a 
 lady is thus flrongly prompted to make ? 
 
 But this is not all : for, left thefe fender fcr.timents 
 and lufcious defcriptions fhould only fofr.cn the hearr, 
 our beft comedies come in to their aid, with their 
 practical part, and pin the bafket. Here the ways 
 I 2 an4
 
 ii6 LOUD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 and means are chalked out, the pleafing progrefs of 
 love delineated, and even the conclufion of it almoft 
 exhibited. It is unlucky for the audience, that 
 Berynthia, in the Relapfe, had an inner room, where 
 fhe and her lover retire. But, however, that the au- 
 dience may not be much longer in the dark than fhe 
 had been, fhe takes care to inform them, that (he 
 never was better pleafed in all her life. 
 
 Belinda, in taking her leave of Mr. Dorimant, 
 after having pafled part of the night with him, leems 
 moft penitentially to fay, " Well, were this to do 
 " again ;" but, upon Mr. Dorimant's anfwering, 
 " We fhould do it, mould not we ?" fhe tenderly 
 replies, " I believe we mould." Can one refufe to 
 give credit to the fo recent teftimonies and experience 
 of two ladies of fuch agreeable characters ? And the 
 belief of a pleafure naturally invites to the purfuit 
 of it. 
 
 It would be endlefs to fpecify the particular plays 
 which I muft totally prohibit; but I believe the belt 
 , and fhorteft general rule, that 1 can give my country- 
 women, is abfolutely to abftain from all thofe which 
 they like belt. 
 
 There are certain books too, of a moft ftimulating 
 and inflammatory nature, a few dofes of which may 
 throw the reader into fuch a fever, that all the cooling 
 and foporific volumes of our modern divines may 
 not be able to abate, and which can only be cured 
 by flrong fudorifics. The catalogue of thefe books 
 would be endlefs : but my fair readers will pretty well 
 gueis at them, when I tell them, that 1 mean thofe 
 which are generally kept under lock and key, and 
 
 which
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XV. XVI. 117 
 xvhich, when any body comes in, are immediately ciapt 
 under the cufhion. 
 
 I have but one caution more to add ; but that is, 
 It may be, the moft material one of all -, to beware of 
 morning- vifits. Breakfaft-time is a critical period; 
 the fpirits are frefh and afHve ; and, if the watchful 
 lover comes in foon after the drowfy hulband is gone 
 out, it prefents to the lady a contrail too favourable 
 to the former. The interpofing tea-table is but a 
 weak barrier againft impatient love. Opportunity 
 invites, refentment provokes, nature at lead approves ; 
 and, in fuch a vio.lent fituation, 
 
 *' She, who alone her lover can withftand, 
 <l Is more than woman, or ho lefs than man/' 
 
 XVI. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, Feb. n, 1738. N ft 54* 
 
 ; 
 
 Ne vitam tranfeant, veluii pecora; quas natura prona, atque 
 " ventri obedienria Knxit." SALLUST. 
 
 Left they fyculcl pafs their time like the leafts t w/'i- are ly nature dtf- 
 pojld to grovel upon this earth, and be Jjavcs to their bellies. 
 
 r a A A S T E is now the fafhionable word of the 
 
 -*- fafhionable world. Every thing mud be done 
 
 \\\:\\ tafte: that is fettled , but where and what that 
 
 tafte is, is not quite fo certain ; for, after all the pains 
 
 1 have taken to find out what was meant by the word, 
 
 and whether thole who ufe it ofteneft had any clear 
 
 I 3 idea
 
 ii3 LORD CHESTER-FIELD'S 
 idea annexed to it, I have only been able negatively 
 to difcover, that they do not mean their own natural 
 tafte, but, on the contrary, that they have facrificed 
 it to an imaginary one, of which they can give no ac- 
 count. They build houfes in tafte, which they can- 
 not live in with conveniency * j they fuffer with im- 
 patience the mufic they pretend to hear with rapture ; 
 and they even eat nothing they like, for the fake of 
 eating in tafte. 
 
 Not for liimfelf, he fees, or hears, or eats ; 
 
 Arlifts muft chufe his piftures, mufic, meats. POPE. 
 
 It is certain the commandments, now fo much neg- 
 lected, if not abrogated, might be obferved with 
 much lefs felf- denial than thefe imaginary laws of 
 tafte, to which fo exact and fcrupulous an obedience 
 is paid. 
 
 I take tafte, when not ufed for the fenfation of the 
 palate, which is its proper fignification, to be a meta- 
 phor, to exprefs that judgement each man forms to 
 himfelf of thofe things which are not contained in 
 feny certain rules, and which admit of no demon- 
 ilration : thus circles and equilateral triangles allow 
 of no tafte, they muft be as they are; but the colors 
 they are drawn in, or the materials they are made of, 
 depend upon fancy or tafte. In building, there are. 
 certain necetfary rules founded upon nature, as, that 
 
 * This was the cafe of a general, who, having applied to an 
 Engiiih nobleman, celebrated tor his talte in architecture, to dhect 
 the building of a hout'e for hirnfelf, had one con ftr lifted indeed with 
 ffCAt elegante and regularity on the outfide, but altogether dellitute 
 of every convenience for a family to live in. Lord Chefterfield, upon 
 lacing ir, told the general, " If I had yotir houfe, I would hire the 
 " oppbfite one to live in, and enjoy the profpect," 
 
 the
 
 M I S C E L L A N E O U S PIECES. XVI. 1 19 
 the Wronger mud: fupport the weaker, &c. but the 
 ornamental and convenient parts are the objects of 
 taite. Hence arifes the propriety of the metaphor, 
 becaufe talle in every thing is undetermined and per- 
 fonal, as in the palate and all our other fenfes - y nay 
 even our minds are as differently affected as our pa- 
 lates by the fame things, when thofe things are not 
 of a nature to be afcertained and demon ft rated. 
 
 However, this right of tafting for one's fclf, which 
 feems to be the natural privilege of mankind, is now 
 totally furrendered even in the proper fenfe of the 
 word ; and, if a man would be well received in good 
 company, he mufl eat, though with reluclance, ac- 
 cording to the laws of fome eminent glutton at Paris, 
 promulgated here by the Jaft-imported French cook, 
 wifhing a'll the while within himfelf, that he durft 
 avow his natural tafte for good native beef and 
 pudding. 
 
 The abfurdity, as well as the real 511 confequences, 
 of this prevailing affectation, has, I confels, excited 
 my wrath ; and I refolved that the nobility and gen- 
 try of this kingdom mould not go on to ruin their 
 fortunes and conftitutions, without hearing at lead 
 the reprefentations and admonitions of common 
 fenfe. 
 
 Eating, itfelf, feems to me, to be rather a fubject 
 
 of humiliation than of pride, fince the imperfection 
 
 of our nature appears in the daily neceflity we lie 
 
 v under of recruiting it in that manner. So that one 
 
 woukl think the only care of a rational being mould 
 
 be, to repair his decaying fabric as cheap as pofiible. 
 
 But the prefent fafhion is directly contrary : aud eat- 
 
 I 4 i n g>
 
 izo LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 jng, now, is the greatefl pride, bufinefs, and expence, 
 of life, and that too, net to fupport, but to deftroy 
 nature. 
 
 The frugal meal was antiently the time of unbend- 
 ing the mind by chearful and improving converfa- 
 tion, and the table-talk of ingenious men has been 
 thought worth tranfmitting to pofterity. The meal 
 is now at once the moil frivolous and mod fcripus 
 part of life. The mind is bent to the utmoft, and 
 all the attention exerted, for what , ? the critical ex- 
 amination of compound dimes : and if any two or 
 three people happen to ftarc fome ufeful or agreeable 
 fubjecl: of converfation, they are foon interrupted, 
 and overpowered by the extatic interjections of, ex- 
 cellent ! exquifite ! delicious ! Pray tafte this ; you 
 never eat a better thing in your life. Is that good ? 
 Is it tender ? -Is it feafoned enough ? Would it have 
 been better fo ? Of fuch wretched (tuff as this does 
 the prefent table-talk wholly confift, in open defiance 
 of all converfation and common fenfe. I could hear- 
 tily wifh that a collection of it were to be publifhed, 
 for the honor' and glory of the performers ; but, for 
 want of that, J fhall give my readers a fliort fpeci- 
 men of the mofl ingenious table-talk, 1 have lately 
 heard carried on with mod wit and fpirit. 
 
 My lord, having tailed and duly confidered the 
 Bechamele, fhook his head, and then offered as his 
 opinion to the company, that the garlick was not 
 enough concealed, but earneftly cieiired to know 
 their lentiments, and begged they would tafte it with, 
 attention. 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVI. izt 
 The company, after proper deliberation, replied, 
 that they were of his lordfhip's opinion, and that the 
 garlick did indeed diftinguifh itfelf too much : but 
 the mailre d'botel interpofing reprefented, that they 
 were now ftronger than ever in garlick at Paris ; upon 
 which the company, one and all, laid, that altered the 
 cafe. 
 
 My lord, having fagacioufly fmelt at the breech 
 of a rabbit, wiped his nofe, gave a fhrug of fome 
 diffatisfaction, and then informed the company, that 
 it was not abfolutely a bad one, but that he heartily 
 wimed it had been kept a day longer. Ay, faid fir 
 Thomas, with an emphafis, a rabbit muft be kept. 
 And with the guts in too, added the colonel, or the 
 devil could not eat it. Here the maltre d* hotel again 
 interpofed, and faid that they eat their rabbits much 
 fooner now than they ufed to do at Paris. Are you 
 fure of that? faid my lord, with fome vivacity. Yes, 
 replied the maltre d'botel^ the cook had a letter about 
 it laft night. I am not forry for that, rejoined my 
 lord i for, to tell you the truth, I naturally love to 
 eat my meat before it (links. The reft of the com- 
 pany, and even the colonel himfelf, confefled the 
 fame. 
 
 This ingenious and edifying kind of converfation 
 continued, without the lead interruption from com- 
 mon fenfe, through four courfes, which lafted four 
 hours, till the company could neither fwallow nor 
 utter any thing more. 
 
 A very great pcrfon among the antients was very 
 properly afked, if he was not afhamed to play fo well 
 upon the fiddle ? And one may furely with as much 
 
 reafon
 
 JM LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 seafon afk thefe illuftrious moderns, if they are not. 
 afhamcd of being fuch good cooks. 
 
 It is really not to be imagined with what profound 
 knowledge and erudition our men of quality now 
 treat theie culinary fubjecbs ; and I cannot but hope 
 that fuch excellent critics will at lad turn authors 
 thernfelves ; nay, I daily expect to fee a digefl of the 
 whole art of cookery by fome perfon of honor. 
 
 I cannot help hinting, by the way, to thefe accurate 
 kitchen, critics, that it does not become them to be 
 facetious and fatyrical upon thofe differtations which 
 ladies fometimes hold upon their drefs, the fubjeft 
 being by no means fo low nor fo trifling. 
 
 Though fuch a degree of affected gluttony, ac- 
 companied with fuch frivolous difcourfes, is pardon- 
 able in thole who are little fuperior to the animals 
 they devour, and who are only fruges confumere nati, 
 1 am iurprized and hurt when I fee men of parts 
 fall into it, fince it not only fufpends the exerciie of 
 their parts for the prefenr, but impairs them, toge- 
 ther with their health, for the future : and, if fools 
 could contrive, I ihould think they had contrived this 
 method of bringing men of fenie down to them ; for 
 it is certain, that when a company is thus gorged, 
 glutted, and loaded, there is not the leaft difference 
 between the moft ftupid and the wktieft man in it. 
 
 What life in all that ample hody, fay 
 
 \Yliat heavenly particle infpires the clay ? 
 
 The foul fubiides, and wickedly inclines 
 
 To feem but mortal even in found divines. POPE. 
 
 Though an excefs in wine is highly blameable, it 
 is furely much more pardonable, as the progrefiive 
 
 iteps
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVI. 123 
 fteps to it are chearful, animating, and feciucing: the 
 melancholy are for a while relieved, the grave are en- 
 livened, and the witty and the gay feem almoft in- 
 fpired ; whereas in eating, after nature is once fatif- 
 fied, which Ihe foon is, every additional morfel car- 
 ries dulnefs and ftupidity along with it. 
 
 Moreover, thefe glorious toils are crowned with 
 the juft rewards of all chronical diftempers ; the gout, 
 the {lone, the fcurvy, and the palfy, are the never- 
 failing trophies of their atchievements. Were thefe 
 honors, like fimple knighthood, only to tje enjoyed 
 by thofe who had merited them, it would be no great 
 matter; but unfortunately, like baronetfhip, they 
 defcend to and vifit their innocent children. It is al- 
 ready very eafy to diftinguifh at fight the puny fon of 
 a compound entremets, from the lufly offspring of 
 beef and pudding : and, I am perfuaded, the next ge- 
 neration of the nobility will be a race of pale-faced, 
 fpindle-fhanked Lilliputians, the moft vigorous of 
 whom will not come up to an abortion of John de 
 Gaunt's. Nor does the mifchief even ftop here ; for, 
 as the men of fafhion frequently condefcend to com- 
 municate themfelves to families of inferior rank, but 
 better conftitutions, they enervate thofe families too, 
 and prefent them with fickly helplefs children, to the 
 great prejudice of the trade and manufactures of this 
 kingdom. 
 
 Some people have imagined, and not without tome 
 degree of probability, that animal food communicates 
 its qualities with its nourifhrnent. In this fuppofition 
 it was, that Achilles, 7 who was not only born and 
 bred, but fed up too, for a Hero, was nourished with 
 
 the
 
 i2 4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the marrow of lions ; and we all know what a fine 
 lion lie turned out at laft. Should this rule hold, it 
 rouft be a melancholy reflection to confider, that the 
 principal ingredients in the food of our principal 
 nobility is efience of fwine. 
 
 The Egyptians, who were a wife nation, thought 
 fo much depended upon diet, that they dieted their 
 kings, and prefcribed by law both the quality and 
 quantity of their 'food. It is much to be lamented, 
 that thofe bills of fare are not preferved to this time, 
 fince they mfght have been of fingular ufe in all 
 monarchical governments ; but it is reafonable to be 
 conjectured, from the wifdom of that people, that 
 they allowed their kings no aliments of a bilious or a 
 choleric nature, and only fuch as fvveetened their 
 juices, cooled their blood, and enlivened their fa- - 
 culties, if they had any. 
 
 The common people of this kingdom are dieted by 
 laws ; for, by an act paMed about two years ago, not 
 lefs advantageous to the crown than to the people, the 
 ufe of a liquor, which deflroyed both their minds and 
 their bodies, was wifely prohibited, and, by repeated 
 acts of parliament, their food is reduced to a very 
 modeft and wholefome proportion. Surely then the 
 nobility and gentry of the kingdom defcrve fome at- 
 tention too, not fo much indeed for their own fakes, 
 as 'for the fake of the public, which is in fome mea- 
 fure under their care: for if a porter, when full of 
 gin, could not do his bufinefs, I am apt to think a 
 privy counfellor, when loaded with four courfes, will 
 but bungle at his.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVI. 125 
 Suppofe, for inftance, a. number of perfons, not 
 over-lively at beft, mould meet of an evening to con- 
 cert and deliberate upon public meaiures of the ut- 
 moft confequence, grunting under the load and reple- 
 tion of the ftrongeft meats, panting almoft in vain for 
 breath, but quite in vain for thought, and reminded 
 only of their exiftence by the unfavory returns of 
 an olio ; what good could be expected from fuch a 
 confultation ? The bed one could hope for would be, 
 that they were only aflembled for mew, and not for 
 ufe i not to propoie or advife, but filemly to fubmit 
 to the orders of fome one man there, who, feeding 
 like a rational creature, might have the ufe of his 
 underftanding. 
 
 I would .therefore recommend it to the confidera- 
 tion of the legiflature, whether it may not be neceflary 
 to pafs an act, to reftrain the licentioufnefs of eating, 
 and afllgn certain diets to certain ranks and ftations. 
 I would humbly fuggeft the ftrict vegetable as the 
 propereft piniftcrial diet, being exceedingly tender of 
 thofe faculties in which the public is fo highly in- 
 terefted, and very unwilling they mould be clogged or 
 in cum be red. 
 
 But I do moft ferioufly recommend it to thofe who, 
 from their rank and fituation in life, fettle the fafliions, 
 and whole examples will in thefe forts of things al- 
 ways be followed, that they will by their example, 
 which will be more effectual than any law, not only 
 put a flop to, but reform, the ridiculous, expenfive, 
 and pernicious luxury of tables , they are the people 
 whom all inferior ranks imitate as far as they are 
 able, and commonly much farther. It is their fatal 
 
 example
 
 126 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 example that has feduced the gentry, and people of 
 fmaller fortune, into this nafty and ruinous excefs. 
 Let their example then at laft reclaim them ; let thofe 
 who are able to bear the expence, and known not to 
 grudge ir, give the firft blow to this extravagant 
 folly ; let them avow their own natural tafte, for na- 
 ture is in every thing plain and fimple, and gratify 
 it decently at -a frugal and whole fome table, inftead 
 of purchasing flupidity and diftempers at the ex- 
 pence of their time and their eftates. And they may 
 depend upon it, that a fafhion fo convenient, as ro 
 the fortunes and the conftitutions of their fellow- 
 fubjecls, will chcarfully be foliowetl, and univerially 
 prevail, to the great advantage of the public. 
 
 XVII. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, March 4, 1738. N 57. 
 
 f TOOK my leave fome time ago of the daily 
 -*- filly Gazetteers, and promifed to take no further 
 notice of them ; but then I only promifed that im- 
 punity to their folly and abfurdity. Now, whether 
 they underftood that amnefly to extend farther than 
 I meant it, or whether, with the la(t three or four 
 (hillings paid them by Mr. Pounce with a P, they 
 likewife received orders to be faucy and impertinent, 
 I cannot tell ; but, be that as it will, they have of 
 late been fo impudently perfonal upon one worthy 
 I gentle-
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVI. XVII. 127 
 gentleman *, that I cannot help ftepping a little out 
 of my way, to give them a kick : nor is tins the 
 greateft provocation they have given me , for, not- 
 \vithilanding the regard I have for the character of 
 that young gentleman, with whom they are fo free, 
 I am more incenied againlt them for difturbing the 
 afhes of the dead, and for prefuming, as they do, to 
 touch Cicero with their impure and unhallowed 
 hands. I therefore begin, by abfoluteiy forbidding 
 them even to mention, directly or indirectly, the 
 name of Cicero, till they have firft read and under- 
 ftood him in the original -, which, as I take it, amounts 
 to a perpetual prohibition. 
 
 I have fo much charity for the poor devils, as to 
 believe they would not write at all, if they could help 
 it, and that they would write better if they could. 
 I never looked upon their daily labors as voluntary, 
 but conficjered them as the production of heads and 
 fiomachs equally empty, and I really took in their 
 papers out of charity, 'for, as to any other ufe I make 
 of them, I might be fupplied cheaper; but I mil ft 
 tell them that, if they grow perfonally fcurrilous, I 
 fhall withdraw my charity, and common fenfe fhall 
 puriue them, though indeed i fear it will never over- 
 take them. 
 
 By what I can underhand of their papers, thty 
 feem to have'a great diflike to a certain young gen- 
 tleman, whom they have lometimes almoft called by 
 his o\vn name, and of hue by a hard Latin name. I 
 
 * Mr. afterwards lord Lyttelton, who had been moft grofsly 
 ttbuied, both in uo.jgicl verie, and in dull pio!e, by tl.c authors ot 
 the Gazetteer. 
 
 confefs
 
 128 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 confefs it is very natural they fhould diflike him, 
 nor am I in the lead fnrprizcd that he fhould be the 
 objecl: of their fatire, when I confider the ufeful fub- 
 jeds of their panegyrics ; but then I muft intimate 
 to them, that they proceed very injudiciously, and do 
 him a fervice which they little intended. Would 
 they hurt him, they Ihould commend him, for they 
 are very lure that nobody will take their words for 
 any thing ; but when fuch wretched advocates, and 
 profligate panegyrifts of corruption, oppreffion, fraud, 
 and all political immorality, direct their fatire at one 
 man, it is marking him out to the public, as a per- 
 fon eminently diftinguifhed by all the oppofites of 
 thofe vices. The execution too of their defign is as 
 injudicious, as the defign itfelf. They, fomewhere 
 or other, had an imperfe6t account of one Cicero, 
 who had no mind that one CEecilius, a young man, 
 mould be the profecutor of one Verres, an old rogue j 
 and that this fame Cicero had told this Claims, 
 that he was too vain and enterprizing for fo young a 
 man, and wholly unequal to the tafk he undertook. 
 This they thought was a pure fcrap of hiftory for 
 them, and refolved to apply it immediately; when 
 behold the misfortune that always attends ignorance 
 and prefumption ! all the particular circurnltances of 
 that affair made againd them, and fuggefted ugly 
 applications clfewhere. When I faw that they made 
 this young gentleman Csecilius, I was really afraid 
 for them, and went on with impatience to fee whom 
 they would make Verres : but I perceived they had 
 prudently avoided this danger, and wifely, as they 
 thought, dubbed their patron Hortenfius, who was a 
 3 great
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVII. 129 
 great lover of pictures and datues, was bribed by a 
 fphynx of curious workmanfhip and of ineftimable 
 value, to appear as the advocate of the mod flagi- 
 tious fellow, and the mod infamous caufe, that Rome 
 ever knew. He prodituted his eloquence to the de- 
 fence of peculation and corruption, and, by Screening 
 the mod infamous of men, became little lefs fo him- 
 felf. This circumftance is an unlucky one ; I leave 
 it with them to confider of. 
 
 As to their Cascilius himfelf, it is well known to 
 every body but them, that he was a fham profecutor, 
 fet on by Verres himfelf, to prevent a real one. He 
 had been a (barer both of his plunder and of his 
 guilt, and, upon a pretended concerted quarrel be- 
 tween them, offered himfelf as the propereft perfon 
 to profecute this affair ; but Cicero, who was in ear- 
 ned, and determined that judice mould be done upon 
 fo notorious an offender, difcovered and defeated this 
 ftratagem, obtained the management of the caufe, 
 pufhed it with vigor and abilities, and got the crimi- 
 nal condemned. Was the character of Ccecilius 
 really applicable to this young gentleman, were there 
 any hopes that he could ever be brought to ikreen 
 the mod notorious corruption, I dare fay, he wou!4 
 meet with the approbation, indead of the cenfure, 
 of this virtuous fociety ; and I am apt to think, that 
 it is his unlikenefs to Cscilius, and his refemblance 
 to Tully, which have drawn their indignation upon 
 him. 
 
 A late very ingenious author has mod judicioufly 
 obferved, in his incomparable and fhort effay towards 
 a character, &c. that pictures ought to be like the 
 
 VOL. 11. K perfons
 
 I 3 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 perfons they are drawn for, nay fo like, as to be 
 known by their acquaintance: but thefe wretched 
 rogues are confcious they are fuch bad painters, that, 
 tinder the figns they daub, they always write the 
 name. It is fometirncs a certain young gentleman, 
 who is tall and lean -, at other times it is one, who 
 was cofferer about feventeen years ago ; and indeed 
 if it was not for thefe helps, I, who am their only 
 reader, (hould be at a great lofs to know whom they 
 inean, 
 
 I have often wondered what fort of fellows this- 
 ingenious iociety was compofed of; for, that their 
 paper is a mofaic work of folly is evident ;- and I 
 imagine it confifts of a parcel of poor devils, who 
 have either failed in their feveral trades, or who had 
 never parts enough to be bound out, afflfted fome- 
 times by what they call an able hand, fuch as a mungrel 
 lawyer, a tattered reverend, or a facetious clerk of an 
 office i who, by fending them a paper now and then, 
 get them a holiday from their daily drudgery ; and 
 here I cannot help condoling with them for the ir- 
 reparable lofs they have lately fuftained, by the un- 
 timely and violent death of Mr. Carr*, who, lam 
 told, was reckoned their top hand : fo far is certain, 
 that the under-IherirT, to whom that unhappy author 
 gave his papers, was fo (truck with the fimilitude of 
 ftyle between them and the Daily Gazetteers, that he 
 was heard to fay, however juftly Mr. Carr might 
 have funcred, the adminillration would ftill have a 
 great lofs of him. 
 
 * Me was an attorney, and was concerned in a conliderable rob- 
 Jissy ; lor which he was tried, call, and executed. 
 
 As
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVII. XVIII. xjt 
 As to thofe of his fraternity, who ftill furvive and 
 write, I have no more time to lofe upon them, than 
 jufttofay, that when they anfwer this, if they are 
 ordered fo to do, I abfolutely bar their fuppofing it to 
 be written by the gentleman himfeif, whom it is de- 
 figned to vindicate. This they have often praclifed, 
 and leem to think it very cunning, whereas it cannot 
 poflibly pafs on any mortal ; for there is not, cer- 
 tainly, more than one man in the kingdom, whofe 
 condition is fo bad, that he could not find a friend 
 to write in defence of him, when attacked, without 
 being paid for it. 
 
 Having faid thus much to thefe miferable journey- 
 men, whom the world and I equally defpife, I will 
 juft drop one word to their paymafter, whoever he 
 may be ; which is, that if he either encourages or 
 fuffers thefe fcurrilities upon the private concerns and 
 characters of others, who have always fcorned to at- 
 tack him out of his public character, let him ftriclly 
 examine himfeif, and his own circumftances, and 
 confider whether ample returns may not be made 
 him by better pens, and with more truth, than ever 
 were or will be employed on his fide. 
 
 XVIII. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, O<5V. 14, 1738. N 89, 
 
 SUCH is the uncertainty and unftability of the 
 things of this world, that there is icarce any 
 event which ought to furprife us, or any thing^new 
 
 K 2 10
 
 13* LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 to be faid upon ir. The greateft empires, and Beft- 
 modeled governments, have been fuddenly over- 
 turned by unexpected occurrences of unlucky and 
 unforefeen accidents. Notwithftanding which, when 
 one fees great and fudden revolutions happen, one 
 cannot help falling into trite obfervations, which a 
 thoufand events of the fame kind had fuggefted to 
 thoufands of people before. 
 
 1 confefs this happened to me lately, when I heard 
 that operas were no more, and that too at a time 
 when the vigor and fuccefs, with which a fubfcription 
 was carried on, both by the great and the fair, feemed 
 to promife them in their fulleft luftre. " Shall the 
 u kings and the minifters of the earth, cried I, be 
 " furprized when their beft-concerted fchemes are de- 
 " feated ; fchemes which it is generally the common 
 '* intereft of mankind to defeat ? and muft we be- 
 " hold, unmoved, the fatal cataflrophe of that great 
 *' defign, which the common pleafures of mankind 
 " feemed engaged to fupport ?" Many other reflec- 
 tions occurred to me, which, though I thought new 
 at the time, I am fince perfuaded were made by the 
 Aflyrians, the Medes, the Perfians, and others, upon 
 the fubverfion of their feveral empires , and there- 
 fore I (hall not trouble my readers with them. 
 
 But I came at laft to confider, as I always do, hoflr 
 far, and in what manner, this great event might pof- 
 fibly affect the public, and whether the ceflation of 
 operas would prove a national lofs, or a national 
 advantage : for public diverfions are by no means 
 things indifferent , they give a right or a wrong turn 
 to the minds of the people, and the wifeil govern- 
 ments
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVIII. i 33 
 rnents in the world, I mean, to be fure, our own, 
 thought fo not above two years ago, and prudently 
 fubjefted-all our public entertainments to the wifdom 
 and care of the lord chamberlain, his licenfer, or his 
 licenfer's deputy-licenfer. 
 
 Was I to follow the examples of the greatefi hiflo- 
 rians, I mould fearch into, and aflign, the caufes of 
 this revolution, and might poffibly affirm, with more 
 certainty than they commonly do, that the unfkilful- 
 nefs of the compofers, the immoderate profit of the 
 performers, the partialities of the governors, and the 
 influence of foreign miftrefles, naturally produced this 
 event. But I wave, at prefent, thefe reflections, in 
 order to confider the effecls of mufic in general. 
 
 Mufic was held in great efteem among the antients, 
 particularly the Greeks, who looked upon it as the 
 necefiary part of the education of their youth, and 
 thought the due regulation of it worthy the care of 
 their laws ; infomuch, that Timotheus was con- 
 demned by a decree of the Lacedsemonians, for in- 
 troducing innovations in their mufic, and corrupting 
 the true eftablimed tafte. Which decree Boetius has 
 preferved to us in the original. It fays, that Timo- 
 theus of Miletum, being come into their town, had 
 fhewn great difregard to the antient mufic, and the 
 antient lyre, that he had multiplied the founds of one, 
 and the firings of the other ; and that, inftead of the 
 plain, expreflive manner of fmging, he had invented 
 a fantaftical new one, where he had introduced the 
 chromatic, &c. He was therefore publicly repri- 
 manded by the ephori, and his lyre was ordered to 
 be altered. 
 
 K 3 This
 
 34 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 This is not to be wondered at, confidering the afto T 
 niming effects which the beft hiftorjans aflure us mufic 
 had in thofe days, and of which I mall give fome 
 inftances. 
 
 The Pyrrhic tune, as is well known, had fuch a 
 martial influence, that, in a very little time, it fet the 
 audience a fighting, whether they would or not. This 
 tune, by the way, muft have infinitely exceeded our 
 beft modern marches, which, by what I have been 
 able to obferve in Hyde- Park, rather lets our army a 
 dancing than a fighting. I afcribe this difference 
 wholly to the unfkilfulnels of our modern compofers ; 
 for I will never believe that my countrymen have not 
 as much potential courage in them as the Greeks, if 
 properly excited. 1 therefore wifti the Pyrrhic tune 
 had been tranfmitted down to us, to have been ufed 
 in proper places, and upon proper occafions. 
 
 The Phrygian mufic inclined as much to love ; 
 and Quintilian tells us, that Pythagoras, having ob- 
 fcrved a young man fo inflamed by this Phrygian 
 modulation, that he was going to offer violence to a 
 lady of condition, immediately ordered the inftru- 
 ments to play in a graver meafure, called the fpondee, 
 which inftantly checked the gallant's defires, and 
 favecl the lady's chaftity. A ftrong inftance this of 
 the force of mufic, and the fagacity of the philofo- 
 pher ! though by the way, if that Phrygian move- 
 ment had the fame effect upon the lady, which it 
 had upon the gentleman, the philofopher's inter- 
 pofition might poflibly be but unwelcome. Our operas 
 have not been known to occafion any attempts of this 
 yiblent nature ; which I likewife impute to the ef- 
 fects
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVIII. 13$ 
 fects of the composition, and not to any degree of 
 infenfibility or modefty in our youth, and who, it 
 muft be owned, give a fair hearing to mufic, and 
 whofe (hor.c bobs feem admirably contrived for the 
 better reception of founds. 
 
 Dion Chryfoftomus informs us, that the muficiart 
 Timotheus, playing one day upon the flute before 
 Alexander the Great, in the movement called Ortios, 
 that prince immediately laid hold of his great fvvord, 
 and was with difficulty hindered from doing mif- 
 chief, reftrained, no doubt, by fome prudent and pa- 
 cific minister. And Mr. Dryden, in his celebrated 
 <?de upon St. Cecilia's day, reprefents that hero al- 
 ternately affected, in the higheft degree, by tender or 
 martial founds, now languifhing in the arms of his 
 courtezan, Thais, and anon furious, fnatching a flam- 
 beau, and fetting fire to the town of Perfepolis. 
 This we have lately heard, fet to mufic by the great 
 Mr. Handel, who, for a modern, certainly excels in 
 the Ortios, or warlike meafure. But we have fome 
 reafon to think that the impreffions, which it was ob- 
 ferved to make upon the audience, foon gave way 
 to the Phrygian or lafcivious movement. 
 
 I am apt to believe that in mufic, as in many 
 other arts and fciences, we fall infinitely fhort of the 
 antients. For I take it for granted, that we fhould 
 be open to the fame impreflions, if our compofers 
 had but the (kill to make them. However, though 
 mufic does not now caufe thofe furprizing effects 
 which it did formerly, it ftill retains power enough 
 over men's paflions to make it worth our care : and 
 I heard fome perfons, equally (killed in mufic and 
 K 4, politics,
 
 136 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 politics, afiert, that king James was lung and fiddled 
 out of this kingdom by the proteftant time of Lilly- 
 bullero ; and that lomebody elfe would have been 
 fiddled into it again, if a certain treasonable Jacobite 
 tune had not been timely filenced by the unwearied 
 pains and diligence of the adminiftration. 
 
 The bag-pipe, I am credibly informed, has been 
 known to have a wonderful effect upon our coun- 
 trymen the North Britons, and to influence whole 
 clans ; which I am the more inclined to believe, be- 
 caufe I have really feen it do flrange things here. 
 
 The Swifs, who are not a people of the quickeft 
 fenfations, have at this time a tune, which, when 
 played upon their fifes, infpires them with fuch a 
 love of their country, that they run home as faft as 
 they can : which tune is therefore, under fevere pe- 
 nalties, forbid to be played, when their regiments are 
 on lervice, becaufe they would inftantly defcrt. 
 Could fuch a tune be compofed here, it would then 
 be worth the nation's while to pay the piper ; and 
 one could eafily fuggeft the proper places for the 
 performance of it : for inflance, it might be of great 
 ufe, at the opening of certain afiemblies, where prayers 
 have already proved ineffectual -, and the ferjeant at 
 arms and the gentleman ulher of the black-rod mould 
 be inftructed to play it in perfection. The band of 
 court mufic would of courfe execute it incomparably, 
 where it would doubtlefs have all the effect which 
 could be expected. I would therefore moft earneftly 
 recoir.mcnd it to the learned doctor Green, to turn 
 his thoughts that way. It is not from the leaft dif- 
 truft of Mr. Handel's ability, that I addrels myfelf 
 
 preferably 
 5
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVIII. 137 
 preferably to doctor Green : but Mr. Handel, having 
 the advantage to be by birth a German, might pro- 
 bably, even without intending it, mix fome modu- 
 lations in his compofition, which might give a Ger- 
 man tendency to the mind, and therefore greatly lei- 
 fen the national benefit I propofe by it. 
 
 How far the polite part of the world is affected by 
 the cefiation of operas, I am no judge myfelf-, but I 
 afked a young gentleman of wit and pleafure about 
 town, whether he did not apprehend that he mould 
 be a fufferer by it in his way of bufmefs, for that I 
 preiumed thofe foft and tender founds foothed and 
 melted the faired breads, and fitted them to receive 
 imprefiions ? He anfwered me very frankly, that, as 
 far as he could judge, the lofs would be but incon- 
 fiderable to their profeffion ; that fome years ago, in- 
 deed, the tafte of mufic, being expreffive and pathe- 
 tic, had infpired tender fentiments, and foftened dub- 
 born virtue -, but the fafhion being of late for both 
 the compofers and the performers only to mew what 
 tricks they could play, had rather taught the ladies 
 to play tricks too, than made the proper imprefiions 
 upon them, and that he oftener found them tired 
 than foftened at the end of an opera. But he con- 
 fefTed that they might happen to mils the opera 
 books a little, becaufe, as mod of his profeffion 
 could make a fhifc to read the Englim verfion at 
 lead, they found, in thofe incomparable dramas, fen- 
 timents proper for all fituations, which might not 
 otherwife have occurred to them, and which, by em- 
 phatical figns and looks, they could apply to the pro- 
 per objects ; infomuch that he had often known very 
 
 pretty
 
 I 3 fi LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 pretty fentimental converfations carried on through a 
 whole opera by thefe references to the book. 
 
 Having thus (hewn the power and effects of mu- 
 fic, both among the antients and the moderns, and 
 the good and ill ufes which may be made of it, I 
 fhall fubmit it to perfons wifer than myfelf, what is. 
 to be done in this important crifis. I look upon ope- 
 ras to have been the great national eftablimment of 
 mufic, and I am perfuaded that innumerable fects 
 will rife from their ruins, and break into various 
 conventicles of vocal and inftrumental, which, if not 
 attended to, may prove of ill confequence. But in 
 this, as in every thing elfe, I put my truft in the 
 wifdom of the minifters, who daily fhew that nothing 
 is above their (kill, or below their care. Kingdoms 
 and gin-fellers tremble at their fleets, and their in^ 
 formers. Terrible abroad, and lovely at home, they 
 put me always in mind of that beautiful defcription, 
 which Tafib gives of one of his heroes : 
 
 Se'l vedi folminar, fra 1'arme, au volto 
 Marte le ftimi ; Amor fe Icopre il volto, 
 
 If you were to fee him, fays he, glittering in his ar- 
 mour, and in all the thunder of war, you would 
 take him for Mars, the god of it; but when that is 
 over, and he lays by his helmet, you would think 
 him the god of love,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XVIII. XIX. 139 
 
 XIX. 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 SATURDAY, Nov. u, 1738. N 93,' 
 
 EVERY age has its fafhionable follies, as well 
 as its fafhionable vices : but, as follies are 
 more numerous than vices, they change oftener, and 
 every four or five years produce a new one. I will 
 indulge my fellow-fubjects in the full enjoyment of 
 fuch follies, as are inoffenfive in themfelves, and in 
 their confequences. Men, as well as children, mufi: 
 have their play-things: but when l>a nugx feria, <fe- 
 cunt in mala (thefe trifles lead on to real evils), I 
 lhall take the liberty to interpofe, reprefent, and 
 cenfure. 
 
 Fafhion, which is always at firft the offspring of 
 little minds, and the child of levity, gains ftrength 
 and fupport by the great number of its relations, till 
 at length it is received and adopted by better under- 
 ftandings, who either conform to it to avoid fingu- 
 larity, or who are furprized into it, from want of at- 
 tention to an object which they look upon as in- 
 different in itfelf, and fq dignify and eftablifh the 
 folly. 
 
 This is the cafe of a prefent prevailing extrava- 
 gancy, I mean the abfurd and ridiculous imitation 
 of the French, which is now become the epidemical 
 diftemper of this kingdom : not confined to thofe 
 pnly from whom one expects no better, but it has 
 pen infected thofe whom one iliould have thought 
 
 much
 
 S4 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 much above fuch vveaknefles ; and I behold with in- 
 dignation the fturdy conquerors of France fhrunk 
 and dwindled into the imperfect mimics, or ridiculous 
 carkdturaS) of all its levity. The travefty is uni- 
 verfal ; poor England produces nothing fit to eat, or 
 drink, or wear. Our cloaths, our furniture, nay our 
 food too, all is to corne from France ; and I am cre- 
 dibly informed, that a poulterer at Calais now ac- 
 tually fupplies our polite tables with half their 
 provifiorrs. 
 
 I do not mean to undervalue the French ; I know 
 their merit, they are a chearful, induftrious, ingeni- 
 ous, polite people, and have many things in which I 
 wifh we did imitate them. But, like true mimics, 
 we only ape their imperfections, and awkwardly 
 copy thofe parts which all reafonable Frenchmen 
 themfelves contemn in the originals. 
 
 If this folly went no farther than difguifing both 
 our meats and ourfelves in the French modes, I 
 fhould bear it with more patience, and content my- 
 felf with reprefenting only to my country folks, that 
 the one would make them fick, and the other ridi- 
 culous : but when even the materials for the folly are 
 to be brought over from France too, it becomes a 
 much more ferious confederation. Our trade and 
 manufactures are at ftake, and what feems at firft 
 only very filly, is in truth a great national evil, and a 
 piece of civil immorality. 
 
 There is furely fome obedience due to the laws of 
 the land, which ftriftly prohibit the importation of 
 thefe fooleries, and, independently of thofe laws, 
 there is a ftrong obligation upon every member of 
 
 a fociety
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIX. i 4 t 
 a fociety from which he himfelf receives fo many ad- 
 vantages : thefe are moral duties, if I know what 
 moral duties are, but I prefume they are awkward 
 ones, and not fit to reftrain the unbounded fancy of 
 fine gentlemen and fine ladies, in their drefs and 
 manner of living ; and it is, certainly, much more 
 reafonable, that our trade mould decay, and our ma^ 
 nufactures ftarve, than that people of tafte and con- 
 dition fhould content themfelves with the wretched 
 produce of their own country. 
 
 Methinks there is fomething very mean in being 
 fuch avowed plagiaries, and I wonder the Britilh 
 fpirit will fubmit to it. Why will our countrymen 
 thus diftruft themfelves ? Let them exert their own 
 genius and invention, and I make no doubt but 
 they will be able to produce as many original ex- 
 travagances, as all the marfhals of France can do. 
 How much more glorious would it be for thofe ladies 
 who eftablifh the fafhion here,, to confider at the 
 fame time their own dignity, and the public good ! 
 Let them not fervilely copy or tranflate French 
 edicts, but let them enact original laws of their own. 
 I look upon the birth-day cloaths of a fine woman to 
 be the ftatute of drefs for that year : and, by the 
 way, the only ftatute which is complied with. I 
 therefore humbly intreat, that it may be enacted in 
 Englifli. Serioufly, if three or four ladies, at the 
 head of the fafhipn, would but value themfelves 
 upon being cloathed entirely with the manufac- 
 tures of their own country, and from the.. pleni- 
 tude of their own power pronounce all foreign ma- 
 nufactures ungenteel, awkward, and frippery, the 
 
 legions,
 
 ! 4 i LOUD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 legions, who drefs under their banner, would fooft 
 be as much afhamed of drefiing againft their coun- 
 try, as they are now of being thought even natives 
 of it. This would be moreover the real imitation of 
 the French, who like nothing but their own. 
 
 What I have faid with relation to my fair country- 
 women holds equally true as to my fine country- 
 men, to whom I cannot help hinting, over and 
 above, that they make very ridiculous Frenchmen, 
 and might be very valuable Englifhmen. Every 
 nation has its diftinguifhing mark and charadleriftic. 
 If we have a folidity which the French have not, 
 they moft certainly have an elafticity which we have 
 not ; and the imitation is equally awkward; Horace 
 juftly calls imitators fervum pecits (fiavifh cattle) ; 
 and, to do him juftice, he is himfelf an original. If 
 my countrymen would be thought converfant with 
 Horace, as they moft of them would be, I am fure 
 they will find in him no inftance of foppery, luxury, 
 or profufion. 
 
 We have heard with fatisfaftion that fome con- 
 fiderable perfons in this kingdom, from ajuft and 
 becoming concern for our diftrefied tradefmen and 
 manufacturers, dilcountenance, as far as pofTible, 
 this pernicious folly. And though I make no doubt 
 but, at the end of this long mourning, by which 
 trade has fuffered fo immenfely, fome meafures will 
 be taken to tm> erFecl: elfewhere, this would be the 
 moft likely way of eradicating the evil, and as it is 
 by no means unprecedented to annex certain condi- 
 tions to the honor and privilege of fubjefts appear- 
 ing in the prefence of their fovereign, furely- none 
 7 can
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIX. 14$ 
 tan be jufter nor more reafonable than that they 
 fhould contribute to the good of their country. 
 
 But the mifchief does not flop here neither ; for 
 now we are not content with receiving our fafhions 
 and the materials for them from France, but we even 
 export ourfelves in order to import them. The mat- 
 ter, it feems, is of too great confequence to truft to 
 hear-fay evidence for ; but we mult go ourfelves to 
 view thoie great originals, be able to fay, of our 
 own knowledge, how fuch a glutton eats, and hovr 
 fuch a fool drefles, and return loaded with the prohi- 
 bited tinfel and frippery of the palais*. Half the 
 private families in England take a trip, as they call 
 it, every fummer to Paris ; and I am afTured, that 
 near four hundred thoufand pounds have been re- 
 mitted thither in one year, to iupply this extravagancy. 
 Should this rage continue, the act of parliament, 
 propofed in one of Mr. Congreve's comedies, to pro- 
 hibit the exportation of fools, will in reality become 
 neceflary. Travelling is, unqueftionably, a very 
 proper part of the education of our youth ; and, like 
 our bullion, I would allow them to be exported. 
 But people of a certain age beyond refining, and 
 once ftamped here, like our coin, mould be confined 
 within the kingdom. The impreffions they have re- 
 ceived make them current here, but obftrud their 
 currency any where elle, and they only return di 
 
 * The place where the courts of juftice ami parliament are held 
 at Paris, anfwering to Weftminfter-hall. Milliners and toymen arc 
 allowed to have (hops and thills ; and know how to difpofe of their 
 trinkets to young lawyers, foreigners, and other perfons, whom cu- 
 xiory or idlcnefs draws to this place. 
 
 gulfed,
 
 144- LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 gulfed, defaced, and probably much lefiened in the 
 weight. 
 
 The fober and well-regulated family of a country 
 gentleman is a very valuable part of the community; 
 they keep up good neighbourhood by decent hofpita- 
 lity, they promote good manners by their example, 
 and encourage labor and induftry by their con- 
 fumption. But when once they run French, if I may 
 ufe the exprefBon, and are to be polilhed by this trip 
 to Paris, I will venture to aflure them, that they may, 
 from that day, date their being ridiculous for ever 
 afterwards. They are laughed at in France, for not 
 being like the French ; they are laughed at here, for 
 endeavouring to be like them ; and, what is worfe, 
 their mimicking their luxury brings them into their 
 neceffity, which ends in a moft compleat imitation 
 indeed, of their mean and fervile dependancc upon 
 the court. 
 
 I could point out to thefe itinerant fpirits a much 
 fhorter, lefs expenfive, and more effectual method of 
 travelling and frenchifying themfelves ; which is, if 
 they would but travel to Old Sobo, and ftay two or 
 three months in h quartier des Grecs * ; lodgings and 
 legumes are very cheap there, and the people very 
 civil to ftrangers. There too they might poffibly 
 get acquainted with fome French people, which theyv 
 never do at Paris, and, it may be, learn a little 
 French, which they never do in France neither : and 
 
 * The place where moft of the defcendants of the French re- 
 fugees then lived. Their chapel, in which divine fervice was, and 
 itill continues to be, performed, according to the rites of the church 
 of England, had formerly belonged to a congregation of Greeks, 
 and has given its name to all the environs of Soho fquare. 
 
 I appeal
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIX. ttf 
 J appeal to any one, who has feen thofe venerable per- 
 fonages of both fexes, of the refugees, if they are 
 not infinitely more genteel, eaiier, and better dref- 
 fed in the French manner, than any of their modern 
 Englifh mimics. 
 
 As for our fair countrywomen in particular, they 
 are fo valuable, fo beautiful a part or' our own pro- 
 duce, and in which we fo eminently excel all other 
 nations, that I can by no means allow of their expor- 
 tation : they are furely, if 1 may fay fo, much more 
 valuable commodities than wool or fuller's-earth, the 
 exportation of which is fo ftrictly prohibited by our 
 laws, left foreigners mould have the manufacturing 
 cf them ; which reafoning holds ftronger, upon many 
 accounts, in this cafe, than in the two others. 
 
 Let it not be urged, that the lofs arifing from 
 thefe follies is but a trifling object with relation to 
 our trade in general. This, for aught I know, might 
 have been true fome years ago : but fuch is the pre- 
 fent unhappy ftate of our trade, that I doubt no ob- 
 ject is now a trifling one, or below the attention of 
 every individual. After fix and twenty years peace, we 
 labor under every one of the taxes which fubfifted at 
 the conclufion of the laft expensive war, without 
 reckoning ibme new ones laid on fmce ; while other 
 nations, gradually ealed of that burthen, under-work 
 and under-fell us in every foreign market. The 
 laft valuable part of our trade, how has it been at- 
 tacked for thefe many years ! and how has it been 
 protected ! it would be unreafonable to expect that 
 the adminiftration, ingrafted by much greater cares, 
 ihotild attend to fo trifling a confideration as trade-, 
 VOL, II. L nor
 
 i 4 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 nor can one wonder that it has intirely efcaped the, 
 attention of parliaments, when one eonfiders, that fo 
 many affairs of a much higher nature have, of late, 
 fo advantageouQy employed them. But it therefore 
 becomes more peculiarly the care^of every individual ; 
 and if, from the reformation only of thofe follies here 
 mentioned,,, five or fix hundred thoufand pounds a 
 year may be faved to the nation, which I am con- 
 vinced is the cafe, how incumbent is it upon every 
 one to facrifice a little private folly to fo much pub- 
 lic good ! It may at leaft be a reprieve to our trade 
 and manufactures from that ruin which, at beft y 
 feems to be too near them ; and poffibly too the ex- 
 amples of fome private people may, at leaft, fhame 
 others, whofe more immediate care it ought to be, 
 into fome degree of attention to what they have fo 
 long r feemed to neglect and defpife. 
 
 XX. 
 COMMON SENS E. 
 
 SATURDAY, Jan. 27, 1739. N io>. 
 s i R, 
 
 HAVE lately read, with the greareft fatisfactiorv,, 
 the account, printed in our public papers, of the 
 fignal victory obtained by his majefty's Hanoverian 
 troops over the Danes *, notwithilancjing the great 
 
 inequality 
 
 * A more ierious account of this tranfadioa, which occafioned a 
 long paper >var, and was terminated in 1740, by a treaty with the 
 
 king 
 
 I
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XIX. XX. 147 
 inequality of the numbers, the Danes being at lead 
 thirty, and the Hanoverians at moft five hundred 
 men j the Danes having moreover the important for- 
 trefs of Steinhorft to protect, and the counfels of 
 counlellor Wedderkop to direct them. 
 
 As tne beft account of this great action is in the 
 Daily Gazetteer of the 25th of December lad, which 
 nobody reads, I will, for the fatisfaction of the cu- 
 rious, tranfcribe it from thence. 
 
 "Hanover, December the I2th, O. S. On the 
 " 4th inftant a detachment of Hanoverians, confift- 
 " ing of five hundred men, with two field-pieces, 
 " marched to take pofleffion of the territory of Stein- 
 " horft, which belongs to the privy counfellor Wed- 
 " derkop, wherein were potted thirty dragoons in 
 " the fervice of the king of Denmark. The colonel 
 ec who commanded the detachment no fooner arrived, 
 " but he fent a lieutenant to the Danifh captain in 
 " the caftle, to acquaint him, that he was come with 
 " orders to take pofleffion of it, and, if he refufed, 
 " to turn him out by force. The Danifh captain 
 te having anfwered the lieutenant, that he was com- 
 *'* manded to repel force by force, the two officers 
 " had fuch high words, that they drew their fwords 
 tf and fought a duel, in which the Danilh captain 
 11 was killed on the fpot, and the lieutenant mortally 
 ei wounded. The Hanoverian colonel having ad- 
 " vanced with his troops in the interim, to begin the 
 " attack, a very fmart fkirmifh enfued, wherein fe- 
 
 king of Denmark, is given in the Farther Vindication cf tbe caff of 
 the Hanover Troop^ written by lord Chefterfield and Mr. Waller. 
 
 La veral
 
 34* LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " veral foldiers were killed on both fides. The 
 " Danes then drew up their draw-bridges, and re- 
 " tired into the caftle, where they defended them- 
 " felves a while ; but the Hanoverians having, by 
 *' the means of great hooks, plucked down the 
 " bridges, they entered the caftle and took pofieffion 
 " of it, by virtue of an inftmment drawn up by a 
 Cl lawyer, and a fcrivener, whom they had fent for 
 "from Hamburg for that purpofe." 
 
 This action is, in my mind, as great an inftance 
 of prudence, generofity, magnanimity, and modera- 
 tion, as any we read of in antiquity. Confidering 
 the ftrength of the caftle and the number of the gar- 
 rifon, it was certainly prudent to fend no lefs than 
 five hundred men to attack it. The colonel mews 
 his generofity r in the firft place, by fending a very 
 civil raefiage to the commanding officer, to let him 
 know he was come to take pofiefiion of the caftle, 
 and to turn him out by force , and then the ardor of 
 his courage, by not flaying for an anfwer, but be- 
 ginning the attack in the interim. After he had pof- 
 fefifed himfelf of the fortrefs by his hooks, and other 
 warlike inftruments, he declines the right of con- 
 queft, which he might undoubtedly have infifted 
 upon, but quiets the pofiefiion, by virtue of an in- 
 itrument prepared by a lawyer and fcrivener, whom 
 he had fent for from Hamburg for that purpole. 
 
 This important fortrefs, together with the eftate 
 about it,. I am afifured, is worth, as to the dominium 
 utik^ no lefs than a thoufand pounds a year, and in-, 
 eftimable, as to the dominium fupremuw, as it is a 
 
 check
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XX. 149 
 check to the northern powers : but, the title being 
 pretty intricate and doubtful, his majefty bought it a 
 pennyworth of the duke of Holftein, the laft time he 
 vifited his German dominions, paying, I think, no 
 more than thirty thoufand pounds for it. 
 
 I have met with fome timorous people, who ap- 
 prehend ill confequences from this affair. The king 
 of Denmark, fay they, incenfed at this treatment, 
 will certainly throw himfelf into the arms of France, 
 \vhich has, for fome time, been endeavouring to en- 
 gage him, as well as other northern powers, pro- 
 vifionally in her interefb, to facilitate her future 
 fchemes of power and greatnefs. Nay, more, fay 
 they, the king of Denmark may probably refent this 
 upon Hanover itfelf, and inarch a confiderable body 
 of troops there $ in which cafe, Hanover will cry out 
 murther, call upon England for help, and we may 
 be obliged to fend more fleets to the Baltic, and be 
 engaged in a war upon account of a difputed pof- 
 feffion, too inconfiderable even for a law-fuit. But 
 thofe, who talk in this way, are but mallow politi- 
 cians, and have not an adequate notion of the ftrength 
 and importance of our foreign dominions, or of the 
 goodnefs of thofe troops. On the contrary, it feems 
 evident to me, that the king of Denmark will think 
 twice before he engages in meafures difagreeable to 
 that ftate, whofe (Irength, courage, and conduct, he 
 has of late fo fenfibly experienced ; but, fhould he 
 take any ram and inconfiderate (tep, Hanover alone is 
 more than a match for him, and England neither can 
 nor will be engaged in that quarrel ; and efpecially 
 at a time that our expences and fleets are employed, 
 L 3 *
 
 ip LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 in obtaining ample reparation for our merchants, and 
 future fecurity for our trade, which, it may be, is 
 not quite yet accomplifhed. 
 
 Upon this occafion, give me leave,- fir, to fnggeft 
 to you my thoughts upon the luftre and advantage 
 which England receives from being fo happily an- 
 nexed to his majefty's German dominions, in anfwer 
 to the vulgar prejudices too commonly entertained 
 againft them. 
 
 While England was unconnected with any domi- 
 nions upon the continent, we had only our fleets to 
 prevent and refift infults from other powers ; where- 
 as, by our happy union with Hanover, we have a 
 body of above twenty thoufand men, mod: excellent 
 troops, to act whenever we think proper, without 
 the leaft danger or expence to England, by which 
 too particularly we bridle the north. 
 
 The dutchy of Bremen is of infinite advantage to 
 England, as it fupplies us with great quantities of 
 linen, .both for home confumption, and re-exporta- 
 tion, to the great eafe of our linen manufacturers, 
 who would otherwife be obliged to make ten times 
 the ^quantity they do now. 
 
 Irlanover may be likewife of ufe to us by its ex- 
 ample, fince there cannot be a ftronger inftance of 
 flic advantages arifing to a country, from a wile and 
 frugal ad*niniftration, than the great improvements of 
 that electorate, under the fucceffive governments of 
 his late and his prefent majefty. 
 
 The whole revenues of the electorate, at the time 
 of his late majefty's acceffion to the throne of thde 
 realms, did not amount to more than three hundred 
 
 thoufand
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XX. 151 
 thoufand pounds a year; and yet foon afterwards 
 the ccmfiderable purchafe of Bremen and Verden 
 were made for above five hundred thoufond pounds 
 fterling. Not long after this, the number of troops, 
 in the electorate, was rarfed much above what it was 
 before thought able to maintain, and has continued 
 ;ever fince upon that high eftablimment. 
 
 Since his prefent majefty's accefiion to the electo- 
 rate, feveral acquifitions have alfo been made ; and 
 the very laft time his majefty vifited thofe domi- 
 nions, he bought in, at the price of above a hun- 
 dred thoufand pounds, the revenues of the poftage 
 of the electorate, which was an hereditary grant to 
 the counts -of Platen : and in Auguft laft his majefty 
 concluded the purchafe, and paid above thirty thou- 
 fand pounds for the fortrefs and eftates of Steinhorft. 
 So that upon the whole, notwithftanding that the ex- 
 pences for the current fervice of the year equal, at 
 leaft, the revenue of the electorate, yet, by a pru- 
 dent and frugal management, a million fterling at 
 leaft has been laid out,, over and above, in new ac- 
 quifitions. 
 
 If fuch frugal means had been purfued, we fhoirld 
 have been in a better condition than we now are. 
 I cannot help recommending to the adminiftration, 
 here, to follow the example of their German bre- 
 thren, to have fpirit enough to act, and frugality 
 enough to put the nation in a condition of doing it. 
 I am fir. 
 
 Your humble fervant, 
 
 ANGLO-G ERMANICUS. 
 
 L 4 XXI.
 
 tsz LORD C H E S T E R F I E L P b S 
 
 XXI. 
 OLD ENGLAND, 
 
 Or the CONSTITUTIONAL JOURNAL; 
 By Jeffrey Broad-Bottom, of Covent-Garden, Efq; # 
 SATURDAY, Feb. 5, 1743. N i, 
 
 IT has generally been the cuftom with our heb- 
 domadal and diurnal authors to preface their 
 works with an account of their birth, parentage, and 
 education, the company they keep, and feveral other 
 curious particulars relating to their own perfons : 
 but, as I am of opinion, that it is more proper for a 
 writer to endeavour to recommend his bufinefs than 
 Jiis perfon to the public, I (hall inform my reader ot 
 the one, and leave htm to indulge the pleafure of con- 
 jecture as to the other. 
 
 We are told by critics, that definitions ought to be 
 conceived in as plain, concife terms as puflible. The 
 world naturally expect that a public writer mould, at 
 
 * The refignalion of fir Robert Walpole was not attended with 
 that total change of men and meafures which had been expected. 
 The Newcaftle party kept their ground ; and, by entering into a pri- 
 vate negotiation with Mr. Pulteney and lord Caj-tcret, k.cceeded in 
 dividing the oppofition. Very few of them were taken into the mi- 
 ni 4 try ; and lord Chefierfield, whn, with feveral more, were ex - 
 dudcd, highly complained of having been facrificed by their friends, 
 and loft no opportunity oi expveffing their refentment. This paper 
 v as undertaken ^ith that view. It made a great deal ofnoife, and the 
 fuppoicd author and printer were taken into cuftody. Lord Cheiier- 
 iRcld owned himieli repeatedly to his chaplain, the prefent bifliop of 
 V.'arcribrJ., author of the firil number; and I think there can be nq 
 iloubt bu: that the third came from the fame hand.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXI. 153 
 bis outfet, acquaint them with his principles, views, 
 and < motives of writing; therefore I intend, in com- 
 pliance with this expectation, to acquaint my reader 
 in very plain terms with thofe feveral particulars. 
 This is fair ; if he likes the definition of each, he 
 will be curious to know the feveral proportions de- 
 duced from them, and perhaps be prevailed on to 
 encourage the doctrine arifing upon the whole : if, 
 on the other hand, he fhould diflike them, there is 
 but little harm done ; he knows what he is to expect, 
 and will hereafter fave both himfelf and me the 
 mortification of any farther interviews with one 
 another. 
 
 All experience convinces me, that go men out 
 of 100, when they talk of forming principles, mean 
 no more than embracing parties ; and, when they 
 talk of fupporting their party, mean ferving their 
 friends, and the lervice of their friends implies no 
 more than con fu king felf-intereft. By this grada- 
 tion, principles are fitted to party, party degene- 
 rates into faction, and faction is reduced to felf. 
 For this reafon, I openly declare that I think no 
 honell man will implicitly embrace any party, ib as 
 to attach himfelf to the perfons of thofe who form 
 it. I am firmly of opinion, that, both in the lad and 
 prefent age, this nation might have been equally 
 well ferved either by whigs or tories ; and, if me 
 was not, it was ot becaufe their principles were 
 contrary to her intereft, but becaufe their conduct 
 was jnconfiftent with their principles. 
 
 To extend this view a little farther, I am entirely 
 perfuaded thar, in the words, our prefent happy cfia-
 
 ,54. LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 WJhmcnt, the happinefs mentioned there is that of 
 the fubjedls ; and that, if the eftablifhment (Jiould 
 make the,-prince happy and the fubjeds otherwife, it 
 would be very juftly termed our prefent unhappy 
 cdablifliment. I apprehend the nation did not think 
 king James unworthy of the crown, merely that he 
 might make' way for the prince of Orange , nor can 
 I conceive, that they ever precluded themfelves from 
 dealing by king William in the fame manner as they 
 had done by king James, if he had done as much 
 to deferve fuch a treatment. Neither can I in all my 
 fearch find, that, when the crown was fettled in a here- 
 ditary line upon the prefent royal family, the people 
 of Great Britain ever figned any formal inftrument 
 of recantation, by which they exprefied their forrow 
 and repentance of what they had done againfl king 
 James, and protefted that they would never do fo by 
 any future prince, though reduced to the fame me- 
 lancholy necefTity. I farther think, the people fet- 
 tled the crown upon the family of Hanover, neither 
 from any opinion which they entertained of infalli- 
 bility in all the future princes which that illuftrious 
 houfe was to produce, nor from their being per- 
 fuaded that the crown of this kingdom, in right of 
 blood, belonged to that houfe, but becaufe they 
 thought that the government of thofe princes bade 
 faireft to make themfelves happy. They thought, 
 that princes of that houfe, having fewer connections 
 xvith any intereft upon the continent deftruclive to 
 that of Great Britain, would be more independent, 
 and lefs in cumbered with any foreign concern, and 
 confequemly more at liberty to ad for the intereft of 
 
 this
 
 MISCELLANEOUS^ PIECES. XXL 155 
 this nation. From thefe confiderations, as a fubject 
 of Great Britain, and as an honeft man, I think my- 
 felf bound, even in my individual capacity, to op- 
 pofe all fchemes deftructive of thofe effects, which I, 
 In my confcience, believe' were the reafons that in- 
 duced this free people to raife the head of the family of 
 Hanover, from being theyoungeft elector in Germany, 
 to be one of the moft powerful princes in Europe. 
 I think, that there can be no treafon equal to that of 
 a minifter, who would advife his majefty to facrifice 
 his great concerns to his little ones ; becaufe, as I 
 think his majefty's virtues have firmly riveted him 
 in the hearts of his fubjects, he is as fure of the crown 
 of England as of the electorate of Hanover; and 
 therefore every meafure in favour of the latter, in 
 prejudice of the former, is the blacked treafon both 
 againft the king and the people. 
 
 Such are my principles with regard to the general 
 fyftem of our conftitution and government ; as to the 
 particular propofitions to be deduced from thefe 
 principles, they will be the fubject of after-difqui- 
 lition. 
 
 I am next to account for the views of my writing. 
 I had always obierved, of the late very wicked mi- 
 nifters, that, though they did many infamous fcan- 
 dalous things, and put up with many grofs affronts 
 in favour of foreign confiderations ; yet, I will do 
 them the juftice to fay it, the odium arifing from 
 their meafures always fell upon their own perfons ; 
 and whatever the fecret fprings of their conduct 
 might have been, yet we never faw the fafety and 
 of Hanoverian dominions, made in parliament 
 
 itfelf,
 
 j$6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 itfelf, the immediate, open, and avowed caufe of 
 facrificing the neareft and the deareft interefts of this 
 nation. Queftions indeed were carried for Heflian 
 troops, for extravagant fubfidies, for inconfiftent trea- 
 ties, and the like ; but they never had the impu- 
 dence, the infoience, or the wickednefs, to bring 
 Hanover and Great Britain, as two parties, before 
 the bar of their own corruption, and then to pafs a 
 verdict, by which the latter was rendered a province 
 to the former. It is again ft fuch, as can be found 
 wicked enough to do this, that this p'aper is under- 
 taken; it is undertaken againft thofe who have 
 found the fecret of acquiring more infamy in ten 
 months, than their predeceffbrs, with all the pains 
 they took, could acquire in twenty years. It is in- 
 tended, to vindicate the honor of the crown of Great 
 Britain, and to aflert the interefl of her people againft 
 all foreign confiderations ; to keep up the ipirit of 
 virtuous oppofidon to wicked people ; to point out 
 the means of completing the great end of the revo- 
 lution ; and, in fhort, to give the alarm upon any 
 future attacks that may be made, either open or fecret, 
 of the government upon the conftitution, 
 
 I am now to fpcak of the motives for an under- 
 taking of this kind : thefe are many, but fome of 
 them perhaps not quite fo proper to be committed to 
 the public. We have feen the noble fruits of a 
 twenty years oppofidon blafted by the connivance 
 and treachery of a few, who, by all ties of gratitude 
 and honor, ought to have cherifhed and preferved 
 them to the people : but this disappointment ought 
 to be fo far from difcouraging, that it mould lend 
 
 fpirit
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXL 157 
 fpirit and life to a new oppofition. The late one 
 labored their point for a much longer term of years, 
 and againft many greater difficulties, than any oppo- 
 fition at prefent can be under any apprehenfions of en- 
 countering. They became a majority, from a mi- 
 nority of not above eighty-feven or eighty-eight in 
 all ; they fought againft an experienced general and 
 a national purfe -, and the questions they oppofed 
 were more plaufible in their nature, and lefs dan- 
 gerous in their confequences, than any that have yet 
 fallen within the fyftem of their blundering fucceflbrs. 
 At prefent, the friends of their country, who have al- 
 ready declared themfelves, liave advantages which 
 their predecefibrs could never compafs, even after 
 twenty years hard labor. 
 
 I know, that the conduct of thofe, who fneaked, 
 and abandoned their principles, upon the late change 
 of miniftry, is fometimes made ufe of as an argument 
 why all oppofition mud be fruitlefs, fince all man* 
 kind, fay they, employ it only as a means of their pre- 
 ferment, or the inftrument of their revenge. This 
 argument is in point of fact abiblutely falfe, and in 
 point of reafoning extremely inconclufive. To prove 
 it falfe in fact, I need but appeal to an underftanding 
 reader's own memory ; let him recollect the cha- 
 racters of thole, who betrayed their party upon the 
 late change, the light in which they ftood with the 
 public, and the eflimation they held with their friends. 
 Whoever fhall take the pains to do this will own, thac 
 the part they acted could be no furprize upon the 
 difcerning part of mankind. In all parties and bodies 
 of men, even lefs numerous than thofe who formed 
 
 the
 
 158 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the late oppofition, there have always been found, 
 and it has bVen always underftood there are, men, 
 whofe virtue is too weak to ftand the firfl (hock either 
 of temptation or danger : when fuch men give way, 
 they leave a party flronger, becaufe its rottennefs is 
 removed. 
 
 They, who fell off upon the late turn, are of two 
 forts ; fuch as were never fufpected of having virtue 
 to refift temptation, and fuch as were never thought 
 of confequence enough to deferve it. The furprize, 
 therefore, is not that fome fell, but that fo many 
 flood. But then how melancholy is the confideration, 
 when we reflect, that there is a pofiibility, that the 
 great concerns of the nation both at home and abroad 
 may, by fuch an alteration of affairs, fall into the 
 hands of thofe who were either the reproach or fcum 
 of their party ? What a profpect muft this nation 
 have, if in the mod decifive conjuncture, as to the 
 liberties of Europe, the management of foreign con- 
 cerns mould fall into the hands of a perfon of the 
 following character ? 
 
 A man, who, when in the oppofition, even his 
 fmcerity could never beget confidence, nor his abili- 
 ties efteem ; whofe learning is unrewarded with know- 
 ledge, and his experience with vvifdom ; difcovering 
 a haughtinefs of demeanour, without any dignity of 
 character ; and pofiefiing the luft of avarice, without 
 knowing the right ufe of power and riches. His un 
 ckrftanding blinded by his paffions, his pafiions 
 directed by his prejudices, and his prejudices ever 
 hurrying into preemption ; impatient even of an 
 equal, yet ever requiring the correction of a fuperior. 
 4 Right
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXI. 159 
 Right as to general maxims, but wrong in the ap- 
 plication ; and therefore always fo intoxicated by 
 the profpect of fuccefs, that he never is cool enough 
 to concert the proper meafures to attain it. 
 
 Should a man, I fay, of fuch a character as this, 
 ever come to be at the head of foreign affairs, the 
 nation muft be in greater danger than it was in any 
 time of the late adminiftration, becaufe her ruin will 
 be more fwift, difgraceful, and irretrievable. One 
 might eafily form a contraft to this character, and yet 
 not deviate from a living refemblance. I could point 
 out a perfon, without any other merit but the lovveft 
 ipecies of proftitution, enjoying a confiderable poft, 
 got by betraying his own party, without having abili- 
 ties to be of ufe to any other : one, who had that 
 plodding mechanical turn, which, with an opinion 
 of his fleadinefs, was of fervice to the oppofition, 
 but can be of none to a miniftry : one.> whofe talents 
 were fo low, that nothing but fervile application could 
 preferve him from um'verfal contempt, and who, if 
 he had perlevered all his life in the interefts of his 
 country, might have had a chance of being remem- 
 bered hereafter as a ufeful man. If there are fuch 
 characters as thofe now exifting, it is at lead of fome 
 eonfolation to men of fenfe and virtue, that, if their 
 inclinations lead them to views deftructive of the in- 
 terefts and conflitution of Great Britain, yec their 
 abilities and reputation with all mankind are too 
 mean for them to continue fo long in power as to 
 be able to copy the late minifter in procuring 2 fare 
 retreat for his crimes. 
 
 Having
 
 r6o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Having faid thus much, I declare that this paper 
 fhall ceafe as foon as the motives on which it is un- 
 dertaken have ceafed ; but till then it fhall be carried 
 on with all the fpirit which is confident with decency, 
 law, and the principles of this conftitution. While 
 the writers in it keep to thefe, they are determined to 1 
 fear no confequences ; becaufe nothing can arife fo 
 melancholy to their own private intereft, as an attempt 
 to crulh the liberty of writing muft be to thofe of 
 
 the public. 
 
 JEFFREY BROADBOTTOM. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 OLD ENGLAND, 
 Or the CONSTITUTIONAL JOURNAL. 
 SATURDAY, February 19, 1743. N 3. 
 
 T SCARCE know a more delicate and difficult 
 -- fituatton, than that of an author at his firft ap- 
 pearance in public. He prefents himlelf without in- 
 troduclor or credentials. He is his own ambafiador, 
 lent by himielf to fpeak of himfelf and for himfelf; 
 in which cafe it is almoft impofilble for him not to 
 fay cither too little or too much. But the difficulties 
 of a weekly author, or an author by retail, are ftill- 
 greater, as they are perpetual ; for even fhould he 
 get through his firft audience with fuccefs, and be 
 gracioufly received, the lead flip in his fubfequenC 
 conducT: undoes the whole, and he is difgraced. He
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXI. XXII. 161 
 is bound over, as it were, from week to week, to his 
 good behaviour, and a hundred thoufand judges, not 
 all of them learned or impartial as the twelve, are to 
 determine whether he has forfeited his recognizances 
 or not. 
 
 Aware of thefe dangers, I fnould not have en- 
 countered them, had not a full conviction of my own 
 fuperior merit allured me that I was faie from them 
 all. Armed with wit, judgment, erudition, and every 
 other eminent qualification, I rum into the world, 
 fecure, like one of Homer's heroes, in armour given 
 him by all the gods. I would not have fa id thus 
 much of myfelf, for, I thank God, I am as free from 
 vanity as ever any author was, and what I have laid 
 'every author thinks, but that, as yet, I have nobody 
 elfe to fay it for me, and it was abfolutely necefiary 
 that the public ihould not be ignorant of fo impor- 
 tant a truth. The firft imprefiion is often decifive; 
 and the generality of mankind chufe to take an opi- 
 nion ready-made, even from the party intereftcd, ra- 
 ther than be at the trouble of forming one of their 
 own. In a very little time, the unanimous voice of 
 my readers will, I dare fay, render any farther intima- 
 tions of this kind unneccflTary. 
 
 As I forefee that this paper will occaHon many 
 queftions, I mall here give the anfwers beforehand to 
 fuch of them as occur to me, {hat the curious may 
 know what they have to expect for the future. 
 
 " What is this new paper, this conftitutional jour- 
 " nal ?*' fays fome folid politician, whofe unerring 
 judgment has never fuffered him to (tray out of the 
 
 VOL, II. M beaten
 
 ,62 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 beaten road of fads and dates. " Has it matter 
 " and found reafoning ? or is it only a paper of wit 
 " and fancy, for the amufement of the frivolous ? Is 
 " it whig or tory; for, or againft, the court ? I will 
 " know a little more of it before I take it in." To 
 this I anfwer and engage, that it fliall have the mod 
 material of matter, and the moft reafonable of reafon- 
 ing. As to whig and tory, I know no real diftinc- 
 tion between them , I look upon them as two bro- 
 thers, who, in truth, mean the fame thing, though 
 they purfue it differently ; and therefore, as Martia 
 did in the like cafe, I declare myfelf for neither, yet 
 for both. As to for, or againft, the court, I only 
 anfwer it mall be conftitutional, and directed with re- 
 gard to the court as Trajan defired his fword might 
 be, for him, or againft him, as he deferved it. 
 
 " Here is a new paper come out, I am told," fays 
 fome vigorous minifter. " It is treafon to be fure, 
 " but is it treafon within or without the law ? can I 
 " get at it ? I do not like the title on it, efpecially at 
 " this time." With hum&le fubmiffion, I beg leave 
 to aflure his lordfhip, that 1 mail not write treafon, 
 becaufe I never think treafon. This royal family 
 has not a more faithful and loyal fubject in the king- 
 dom than myfelf ; and if I may borrow an expref- 
 fion I have long admired, it is under this royal fa- 
 mily alone that I think we can live free, and that I 
 hope we are determined to live free. His lordfhip 
 fhall moft certainly never get at me, till it is criminal 
 to be .an Englifhman ; fhould that ever happen, in- 
 deed, he' may poffibly have the fatisfaction of con- 
 demning
 
 MISCELLANEOUS t> I E C S. XXII. 163 
 derhning me to a wheel-barrow in the mines of the 
 Hartz *. 
 
 " This Jeffrey Broadbottom, this conftitutional 
 " journal, is certainly levelled at us," fays a confcious 
 fullen apoftate patriot to his fallen brethren in the 
 Pandemonium. " It is ten to one, but it is written" 
 " by fome of our old friends, and then we (hall have 
 " all our former fpeeches, pamphlets, and declara- 
 " tions, turned upon us, and our pad conduct fet 
 " over againft our prefent. I wifti we could buy it 
 " off; as foon as ever I can find out the author I 
 " will, for I have fome reafon to be pretty lure that 
 " there is no man who is not to be bought 5" and 
 then 
 
 Grinn'd horribly a ghaflly fmile. 
 
 Pray why do you think my paper is levelled at you ? 
 has your expiring confcience in its lad words told 
 you fo ? and has the fame authority informed you 
 that I am to be bought ? You are mistaken in both. 
 You may happen, indeed, fometimes to hkch-in a 
 paper, but you muft be much more confiderable than 
 you are before you become the principal object of 
 one ; and you muft flay till you are trufted with the 
 difpofal of money, and till I love it as well as you 
 do, two things which will never happen, ere you will 
 be able to buy me. 
 
 " What is this new paper, this broad-bottom 
 " Journal, I think they call it," fays a fine woman in 
 the genteel languor pf her morning converfation with . 
 fome fine gentleman of diftinguiihed tafte and po- 
 Ikenefs : " Is it like the Tatlers and Spectators ? has 
 * Mines belonging to certain German dominions. 
 
 M 2 " it
 
 164 LORD CHESTERFIEL I> r S 
 " it wit or humour - ? or IS ' 1C on ty U P" thofe odious 
 " politics that one hears of all day long ? in fhorr,, 
 " will it do with one's tea in a morning ?" " Not 
 " with your tea," replies the fine gentleman, " but in- 
 " comparably well with your ale, if you ever take 
 " any j not that I have read it yet, but, to lay the 
 *< truth, the title does not promife well. Jeffrey 
 " Broadbottom and John Trott feem to be fynony- 
 u mous terms. I dare fay, there is nothing of what 
 " the French call enjouement in it v and I take it to 
 " be a kind of heavy hot loaf, to ftay the ftomachs of 
 " hungry politicians- in a morning.,"" Have a little 
 patience with me, ye illuftrious rulers of the beau 
 monde, ye tremendous judges, whofe decifions are 
 the final decrees of falhion and tafte. I know your 
 importance too well nor to engage your favour if 
 poffible : though I fhall be often, what you never 
 are, ierious, I mall be fometimes, what you are al- 
 ways, trifling. My lazy and my idle hours fhall bo 
 facred to the amufement of yours; lighter fubjects 
 fhall fometimes engage your attention, and unbend 
 mine ; and the events of the polite world fhall fill up 
 the intervals of the bufy one. 
 
 The univerfal queftion will be, who is the author, 
 of fuppofed author, of this paper ? To which if I 
 do not give an anfwer at prefent, I muft beg leave to 
 be excufed ; being determined at prefent, to fhine 
 like phofphorus in the dark, and fcatter my light 
 from the impenetrable recefs of my own clofet. I 
 will, for a time at lead, enjoy the fenfible pleafure of 
 unfought and unfufpeded praife, and of hearing, 
 wherever I go, my labors applauded, and feverally 
 5 aicribed
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXII. 16$ 
 afcribcd to the moft eminent wits and politicians of 
 the age-, as they certainly will be, till I think pro- 
 per to declare myfelf, and vindicate the glory dus to 
 me alone. 
 
 Having thus given not only an account, but fome 
 famples, of what the public may expect from me 
 hereafter, I mail conclude this paper with a friendly 
 and difinterefted piece of advice to fuch of my fcllow- 
 fubjects as are defirous of information, inftruction, 
 or entertainment. Secure my paper in time, for the 
 demand will foon be too great to be complied with ; 
 and thofe who take it in firft fhall, as in juftice they 
 ought, have the preference afterwards. Mr. Purfer, 
 my printer, allures me it is impoffible to print off 
 above one hundred and ninety-three thoufand of thefe 
 papers in a week ; a very fmall proportion to the 
 number of thofe who will be follicitous to read them : 
 for reckoning the people of this kingdom at eight 
 millions, and deducting half that number for young 
 children, blind people, and men of quality, who either 
 cannot or do not chufe to read, there will remain 
 four millions of reading fouls, of whom three mil- 
 lions, eight hundred and feven thoufand cannot have 
 the fatisfaclion of reading this paper at the firfthr./J, 
 but muft wait, with patience, for the future editions. 
 I do not fay this from any fordid view of intereft, which 
 I am infinitely above , for I moft folemnly protefl 
 that I defire nothing for myfelf, and that the immenfe 
 profits of this paper mail be all diftributed among 
 my friends, the printer, the publifher, compofitor, 
 prefs-men, tiys, and devils, without quartering myfelf 
 upon any one of them, or requiring any thing from 
 M 3 them
 
 i66 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 them contrary to their former conduct, honor, o.r 
 
 conference. 
 
 JEFERY BR.OADBOTTOM. 
 
 XXIII. 
 THE W O R L D*. 
 
 SATURDAY, May 3, 1753. N 18. 
 
 THE following letter had appeared earlier in the 
 world, if its length, or, what at prefent hap- 
 pens to be the fame thing, its merit had not been fo 
 great. I have been trying to Ihorten it, without rob- 
 bing it of its beauties ; but, after many unfuccefsful 
 attempts, I find that the fpirit of it is, as the human 
 foul is imagined to be by fome antient philofophers, 
 totus in toto, et totusin qualibct parte. I ha,ve, there- 
 
 * This paper vyas fet on foot by Mr. Moore, the ingenious author, 
 of the Fables for the Female Sex, and of the tragedy ot the Gamefter* 
 He foon met with affiitance from numerous correfpondents, and, as 
 he informs us in the dedication of one of his volumes to Soame 
 Jenyns, efq; who was himfelf one of the writers in it, the World 
 became the only fajbicnable vehicle ', in which men of rank and genius 
 clflfe to convty their fentimcnts to the public. Lord Cheflerfield was one 
 of thefe; but, as he fent his firft paper to the pub.li flier without any 
 notice from whence it came, it underwent but a flight infpeftion, 
 and was very near being excluded on account of its length. This 
 neglec.1 would have ftppt any future communications ; but fortu- 
 nately lord Lyttelton happening to call at Mr. J. Dodfley's, this 
 paper was (hewn to him. He immediately knew the hand, and ftill 
 mere the manner of writing, of the noble author. Mr. Moore, 
 being intormed of this difcovery, read the manufcript more atten- 
 tively, difcerned its beauties, and thought proper not only to publifli 
 it directly, but to introduce it with an apology for the delay, and a 
 compliment to the author. 
 
 fore,,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXII. XXIII. 167 
 fore, changed the form of my paper, chufing rather 
 to prefent my readers with an extraordinary half-meet, 
 than to keep from them any longer what was fent 
 me for their inftruction. At the fame time, I muft 
 beg leave to fay, that I fhall never think myfelf 
 obliged to repeat my complaifance, but to thofe of 
 my correfpondents, who, like the writer of this letter, 
 can inform me of their grievances with all the ele- 
 gance of wit. 
 
 " To Mr. FITZ-ADAM. 
 
 S I R, 
 
 I confider you as fupple mental to the law of the 
 land. I take your authority to begin, where the 
 power of the law ends. The law is intended to Hop 
 the progrefs of crimes by puniming them ; your pa- 
 per leems calculated to check the courfe of follies 
 by expofmg them. May ygu be more fuccefsful in 
 the latter than the law is in the former ! 
 
 Upon this principle I mail lay my cafe plainly 
 before you, and defire your publication of it as a 
 warning to others. Though it may feem ridiculous 
 to many of your readers, 1 can aflure you, fir, that it 
 is a very ferious one to me, notwithstanding the ill- 
 natured comfort which I might have, of thinking it 
 of late a very common one. 
 
 I am a gentleman of a reafonable paternal eftate in 
 my county, and ferve as knight of the fhire for it. 
 Having what is called a very good family-intereft, my 
 election incumbered my eftate with a mortgage of 
 only five thoufand pounds , which I have not been 
 M 4 able
 
 i63 L O R D CHESTERFIELD'S 
 able to clear, being obliged, by a good place which 
 I have got fince, to live in town, and in all the bed 
 company, nine months in the year. I married iuita- 
 ble to my circumftances. My wife wanted neither 
 fortune, beauty, nor underfiancling. Difcretion and 
 good humor on her part, joined to good- nature and 
 good-manners on mine, made us live comfortably 
 together for eighteen years, One fon and one daugh? 
 ter were our only children. We complied with 
 Cuftom in the education of both. My daughter 
 learned fome French and fome dancing ; and my 
 fon paffed nine years at Weftminfter-fchool, in learn- 
 ing the words of two languages, long fince dead, and 
 not yet above half revived. When I took him away 
 from fchqol, I refolved to fend him direftly abroad, 
 having been at Oxford myfelf. My wife approved 
 of my defign ; but tacked a propofal of her own to it, 
 which (he urged with fome earneftnefs. " My 
 *< dear," laid flic, " I think you do very right to fend 
 *' George abroad; for I love a foreign education, 
 " though I fliall not fee the poor boy a great while : 
 " but, fince we are to part for fo long a time, why 
 *' {hou!d we not take that opportunity of carrying 
 *' him ourielves as far as Paris ? The journey is no- 
 " thing, very little farther than to our own houle in 
 " the north ; we fliall fave money by ir, for every 
 *' thing is very cheap in France ; it will form the 
 " girl, who is of a right age for it ; and a couple of 
 " months, with a good French, and dancing, matter, 
 *' will perfect her in both, and give her an air and 
 *' manner that will help her off in thefe days, when 
 *' hufbands are not plenty, efpecially for girls with 
 
 " only
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIII. 169 
 " only five thoufand pounds to their fortunes. Se- 
 (t veral of my acquaintance, who have lately taken 
 " trips to Paris, have told me, that to be lure we 
 fhould take this opportunity of going there. Be- 
 " fides, my dear, as neither you nor I have ever 
 " been abroad, this little jaunt will amufe and even 
 " improve us; for it is the eafieft thing in the world 
 (l to get into all the bed company at Paris." 
 
 My wife had no fooner ended her fpeech, which I 
 eafily perceived to be the refult of meditation, than 
 my daughter exerted all her little eloquence in fe- 
 conding her mother's motion. *< Ay, dear papa,'* 
 laid fhe, " let us go with brother to Paris , it will be 
 f< the charmingeft thing in the world , we mall fee all 
 *' the neweft fafnions there , I (hall learn to dance of 
 u Marfr ille * ; in fhort, I fhall be quite another crea- 
 " ture after it. You fee how my coufm Kitty was 
 " improved by going to Paris laft year ; I hardly 
 " knew her again when fhe came back ; do, dear 
 * f papa, let us go." 
 
 The abfurdity of the propofal (truck me at firft; 
 and I forefaw a thoufand inconveniencies in it, though 
 not half fo many as I have fince felt. However, 
 knowing that direct contradiction, though fupported 
 by the beft arguments, was not the likeliell method 
 to convert a female difputant, I feemed a little to 
 doubr, and contented myfelf with faying, " that I 
 *' was not, at firft fight at lead, fenfible of the many 
 " advantages which they had enumerated, but that, 
 ** on the contrary, I apprehended a great deal of trou- 
 
 * Marcel, the mofl; famous dancing-mafter, at that time, at Paris* 
 He is ottui mentioned in lord Chefterfield'sleiters to his fon. 
 
 "ble
 
 17 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " ble in the journey, and many inconveniencies in 
 " confequence of it ; that I had not obferved many 
 44 men of my age confiderably improved by their 
 " travels, but that I had lately feen many women of 
 " hers become very ridiculous by theirs; and that 
 '* for my daughter, as me had not a fine fortune, I 
 * c law no neceffity of her being a fine lady." Flere 
 the girl interrupted me, with faying, " For that very 
 ** reafon, papa, I mould be a fine lady. Being in 
 " fafhion is often as good as being a fortune ; and I 
 " have known air, drefs, and accomplimments, {land 
 *' many a woman in ftead of a fortune." " Nay, to 
 " be fare," added my wife, " the girl is in the right 
 " in that ; and if with her figure fhe gets a certain 
 * air and manner, I cannot fee why me may not rea- 
 " fonably hope to be as advantageoufly married, as 
 " lady Betty Townly, or the two mifs Bellairs, who 
 " had none of them fuch good fortunes." I found 
 by all this, that the attack. upon me was a concerted 
 one, and that both my wife and daughter wefe 
 ttrongly infected with that migrating diftemper, which 
 has of late been fo epidemical in this kingdom, and 
 which annually carries fuch numbers of our private 
 families to Paris, to expofe themfelves there as Eng- 
 lifh, and here, after their return, as French; info- 
 much that I am allured that the French call thole 
 fwarms of Englim, which now in a manner over- 
 run France, a fecand incurfion of the Goths and 
 Vandals. 
 
 I endeavoured, as well as I could, to avert this 
 
 impending folly by delays and gentle pcrfuafions, but 
 
 in vain ; the attacks upon me were daily repeated, 
 
 3 and
 
 MISCELtANEOUS PIECES. XXIII. 171 
 and fometimes enforced by tears. At lad I yielded, 
 from mere good-nature, to the joint importunities of 
 a wife and daughter whom I loved -, not to mention 
 the love of eafe and domeftic quiet, which is, much 
 oftener than we care to own> the true motive of many 
 things that we either do or omit. 
 
 My confent being thus extorted, our fetting out 
 was prefied. The journey wanted no preparations ; 
 we mould find every thing in France. My daughter, 
 who fpoke fome French, and my fon's governor, 
 who was a Swifs, were to be our interpreters upon 
 the road ; and when we came to Paris, a French fer- 
 vant or two would make all eafy. 
 
 But, as if providence had a mind to punifh our 
 folly, our whole journey was a feries of diftreffes. 
 We had not failed a league from Dover, before a 
 violent ftorm arofe, in which we had like to have 
 been loft. Nothing could equal our fears but our 
 ficknefs, which perhaps leflened them : at lalt we got 
 into Calais, where the inexorable cuftom-houfe officers 
 took away half the few things which we had carried 
 with us. We hired fome chaifes, which proved to 
 be old and mattered ones, and broke down with us 
 at lead every ten miles. Twice we were overturned, 
 and fome of us hurt, though there are no bad roads 
 in France. At length, the fixth day, we got to Paris, 
 where our banker had provided a very good lodging 
 for us ; that is, very good rooms, very well furnimed, 
 and very dirty. Here the great fcene opens. My 
 wife and daughter, who had been a good deal dif- 
 heartened by our diftrefies, recovered their fpirits, 
 and grew extremely impatient for a confultation of 
 
 the
 
 i 72 LORD C H E S T E R F I E T, D ' S 
 the necefiary trades-people ; when luckily our banker 
 and his lady, informed of our arrival, came to make 
 us a vifit. He gracioufly brought me rive thouiand 
 livres, which he allured me was not more than what 
 >vou!d be neceffary for our firft fetcing out, as he 
 called it; while his wife was pointing out to mine 
 the moft compendious method of fpending three 
 times as much. 1 told him, that I hoped that lum 
 \vould be very near fufncient for the whole time ; to 
 which he anfwered coolly, " No, fir, nor fix times that 
 * J fum, if you propofe, as to be fure you do, to ap- 
 4t pear here honnetement" This, I confefs, ftartled 
 me a good deal; and I called out to my wife," Do you 
 ** hear that, child ?" She replied, unmoved, " Yes, 
 ** my dear, but now that we are here, there is no 
 * c help for it ; it is but once, upon an extraordinary 
 " occafion, and one would not care to appear among 
 4C ftrangers like fcrubs." 1 made no anfwer to this 
 folid reasoning, but refolved within myfelf to fhorten 
 our ftay, and leflen our follies, as much as I could. 
 My banker, after having charged himfelf with the 
 care of procuring me a caroffe de remifs and a valet 
 & plate for the next day, which in plain Englifh is a 
 liired coach and a footman, invited us to pafs all the 
 iiext day at his houfe, where he allured us that we 
 fhould not meet with bad company. He was to 
 .carry me and my fon before dinner to fee the public 
 buildings ; and his lady was to call upon my wife 
 and daughter to carry them to the genteeleft mops, 
 in order to fit them out to appear bonnetement. The 
 next morning I am u fed myfelf very well with feeing, 
 while my wife and daughter amufed themfelves ftilj 
 
 better
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIII. 175 
 better by preparing themielves for being feen, till we 
 met at dinner at our banker's ; who, by way of 
 fample of the excellent company to which he was 
 to introduce us, presented to us an Irifli abbe, and 
 an Irifh captain of Clare's ; two attainted Scotch 
 fugitives, and a young Scotch furgeon who ftudicd 
 midwifry at the Hotel Dieu. It is true, he lamented 
 that fir Harbottle Bumper and fir Clot worthy Guzzle- 
 down with their families, whom he had invited to 
 meet us, happened unfortunately to have been en- 
 gaged to go and drink brandy at Nueilly. Though 
 this company founds but indifferently, and though 
 we mould have been very forry to have kept it in 
 London, 1 can allure you, fir, that it was the belt 
 we kept the whole time we were at Paris. 
 
 I will omit many circumftances which gave me 
 uneafmefs, though they would probably afford force 
 entertainment to your readers, that I may haften to 
 the moft material ones. 
 
 In about three days, the feveral mechanics, who 
 were charged with the care of difguifing my wife and 
 daughter, brought home their refped:ive parts of thi> 
 transformation, in order that they might appear boa- 
 nttemenL More than the whole morning was employ- 
 ed in this operation, for we did not fit down to dinner 
 till near five o'clock. When my wife and daughter 
 came at laft into the eating-room, where I had waited 
 for them at leaft two hours, I was fo (truck with their 
 transformation, that I could neither conceal nor ex- 
 prefs my aftonifhment. " Now, my dear," fa id my 
 wife, " we can appear a little like chriftians." " And 
 " (trailers too/' replied I ; " for fuch have I fecn, 
 
 " at
 
 I 7 4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " at Southwark-fair, the refpedable Syfigambis, and 
 " the lovely Parifatis. This cannot furely be ferious \'* 
 (t Very ferious, depend upon it, my dear," faid my 
 wife ; " and pray, by the way, what may there be ridi- 
 " culous in it ? No fuch Syfigambis neither," con- 
 tinued (he ; " Betty is but fixceen, and you know I 
 " had her at four-and-twenty." As I found that the 
 name of Syfigambis, carrying an idea of age along 
 with it, was offenfive to my wife, I waved the parallel ; 
 and, addreffing myfelf in common to my wife and 
 daughter, I told them, " 1 perceived that there was a 
 " painter now at Paris, who colored much higher 
 " than Rigault, though he did not paint near fo like; 
 " for that I could hardly have guefTed them to be the 
 " pictures of themfelves." To this they both an- 
 fwered at once, " That red was not paint ; that no 
 " colour in the world was ford but white, of which 
 " they protefted they had none." " But how do 
 <c you like my pompon, papa!'* continued my daugh- 
 ter : u is it not a charming one ? I think it is pret- 
 " tier than mamma's.'* " It may, child, for any 
 " thing that I know ; becaufe I do not know what 
 " part of all this frippery thy pompon is." " It is 
 " this, papa," replied the girl, .putting up her hand to 
 her head, and mewing me, in the middle of her hair, 
 a complication of fhreds and rags of velvets, feathers 
 and ribbands, {tuck with falfe fames of a thoufand 
 colors, and placed awry. " But what haft thou done 
 u to thy hair, child !" faid I; "is it blue ? is that 
 " painted too by the fame eminent hand, that co- 
 " lored thy cheeks ?" " Indeed, papa," anfwered the 
 girl, " as I told you before, there is no painting in 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIII. 175 
 4< the cafe ; but what gives my hair that bluifh cad is 
 " the grey powder, which has always that effect upon 
 " dark-colored hair, and fets off the complexion 
 <e wonderfully." " Grey powder, child !" laid I, 
 with fome furprize : " grey hairs I knew were ve- 
 " ncrable ; but till this moment I never knew that 
 " they were genteel." " Extremely fo, with fome 
 <c complexions," faid my wife -, " but it does not fuit 
 " with mine, and I never u(b it." " You are much 
 " in the right, my dear," replied I, u not to play with 
 " edge-tools. Leave it to the girl." This, which 
 perhaps was too haftily faid, and feemed to be a fecond 
 part of the Syfigambis, was not kindly taken ; my 
 wife was filent all dinner-time, and, I vainly hoped, 
 afaamed. My daughter, drunk with drefs and fix- 
 teen, kept up the converfation to herfelf, till the long- 
 wifhed-for moment of the opera came, which fepa- 
 rated us, and left me time to reflecl: upon the ex- 
 travagances, which I had already feen, and upon the 
 ftill greater, which I had but too much reafon to 
 dread. 
 
 From this period, to the time of our return to 
 England, every day produced fome new and fhining 
 folly, and fome improper expence. Would to God 
 that they had ended as they began, with our journey ! 
 but unfortunately we have imported them all. I no 
 longer undenland, or am underftood, in my family. 
 I hear of nothing but k bon ton. A French valet de 
 chambre, who I am told is an excellent fervant and 
 fit for everything, is brought over to curl my wife's 
 and my daughter's hair, to mount a dejfert, as 
 they call it, and occafionally to announce vifits. 
 
 A very
 
 , 7 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 A very flatternly, dirty, but at the tame time 
 a very genteel, French maid is appropriated to the 
 ufe of my daughter. My meat too is as much dif- 
 guifed in the dreffing by a French cook, as my wife 
 and my daughter are by their red, their pompons, 
 their fcraps of dirty gauze, flimfy lattins, and black 
 callicoes ; not to mention their afFefted broken Eng- 
 liih, and mangled French, which jumbled together 
 cornpofe their prefent language. My French and 
 Englifn fervants quarrel daily, and fight, for want of 
 words to abufe one another. My wife is become ri- 
 diculous, by being tranflated into French ; and the 
 verfion of my daughter will, I dare fay, hinder many 
 a worthy Engliih gentleman from attempting to read ' 
 her. My expence, and confequendy my debt, in- 
 creafes , and I am made more unhappy by follies, than 
 moft other people are by crimes. 
 
 Should you think fit to publiih this my cafe, toge- 
 ther with fome obfervations of your own upon it, I 
 hope it may prove a ufeful Pharos, to deter private 
 Engliih families from the coafts of France. 
 I am, SIR, 
 
 Your very humble fervant, 
 
 R, D." 
 
 My correfpondent has faid enough to caution Eng- 
 lifh gentlemen againft carrying their wives and daugh- 
 ters to Paris j but I mail add a few words of my own, 
 to diffuade the ladies themfelves from any inclination 
 to fuch a vagary. In the firlt place* I afTure them, 
 that of all French ragouts there is none, to which art 
 Englimman has fo little appetite, as an Englifh lady 
 
 ferved
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIII. XXIV. 177 
 ferved up to him a la Franfoife. Next I beg leave 
 to inform them, that the French tafte in beauty is fo 
 different from ours, that a pretty Englifh woman at 
 Paris, inftead of meeting with that admiration which 
 her vanity hopes for, is confidered only as a hand- 
 fome corpfe ; and if, to put a little life into her, fome 
 of her compaffionate friends there fhoukl perfuade her 
 to lay on a great deal of rouge, in Englifli called 
 paint, fhe mud continue to wear it to extreme old 
 age ; unleis (he prefers a fpot of real yellow, the cer- 
 tain confequence of paint, to an artificial one of red. 
 And, laftly, I propofe it to their confideration, whe- 
 ther the delicacy of an Englifli lady's mind may not 
 partake of the nature of fome high-flavoured wines, 
 which will not admit of being carried abroad, though, 
 under right management, they are admirable at home. 
 
 XXIV. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, June 14, 1753. N 24. 
 
 I SHALL not at prefent enter into the great quef- 
 tion between the antients and the moderns ; much 
 lefs mall I prefume to decide upon a point of that 
 importance, which has been the fubject of debate 
 among the learned from the days of Horace down to 
 ours. To make my court to the learned, I will la- 
 ment the gradual decay of human nature, for thefe 
 lad fixteen centuries j but at the fame time I will do 
 VOL. II. N judjc*
 
 I 7 S LOft ft 'CHESTERFIELD'S 
 juftice to my contemporaries, and give them their due 
 fhare of praife, where they have either ftruck out new 
 inventions, or improved, and brought old ones to per- 
 fection. Some of them I fhall now mention. 
 
 The moil zealous and partial advocate for the an- 
 tients will "not, I believe, pretend to difpute the in- 
 finite fuperiority of the moderns in the art of healing. 
 Hippocrates, Celfus, and Galen, had no fpecifics. 
 They rather endeavoured to relieve, than pretended to 
 cure. As for the aftoniming cures of ^Efculapius, I 
 do not put them into the account -, they are to be 
 afcribed to his power, not to his fkill : he was a god, 
 and divinity was his NOSTRUM. But how prodigioufly 
 have my ingenious contemporaries extended the 
 bounds of medicine ! What noftrums, what fpeci- 
 fics, have they not difcovered ! Collectively con- 
 fidered, they infure not only perfect health, but, by 
 a neceflary confequence, immortality infomuch that 
 I am aftoniflied, when I ftill read in the weekly bills 
 the great number of people, who chufe to die of fuch 
 and iuch diftempers, for every one of which there 
 are infallible and fpecific cures, not only advertited, 
 but attefted, in all the news-papers. 
 
 When the lower fort of Iriih, in the mod unci- 
 vilized parts of Ireland, attend the funeral of a de- 
 ceafed friend or neighbour, before they give the lad 
 parting howl, they expoftulate with the dead body, 
 and reproach him with having died, notwithftanding 
 that he had an excellent wife, a milch cow, feven fine 
 children, and a competency of poutoes. Now though 
 all thefc, particularly the excellent wife, are very 
 good things in a date of perfect health, they cannot, 
 
 as
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIV. 179 
 as I apprehend, be looked upon as preventive either 
 of ficknefs or of death ; but with how much more 
 reafon may we expoftulate with, and cenfure, thofe of 
 our contemporaries, who, either from obftinacy or 
 incredulity, die in this great metropolis, or indeed in 
 this kingdom, when they may prevent or cure, at a 
 trifling expence, not only all diftempers, but even 
 old age and death itfelf ! The RENOVATING ELIXIR 
 infallibly reft ores priftine youth and vigor ', be the patient 
 ever fo old and decayed^ and that without lofs of time 
 or bufmefs ; whereas the fame operation among the 
 antients was both tedious and painful, as it required a 
 thorough boiling of the patienr. 
 
 The moft inflammatory and intrepid fevers fly at 
 the firft difcharge of Dr. James's powder ; and a drop 
 or pill of the celebrated Mr. Ward corrects all the 
 malignity of Pandora's box. 
 
 Ought not every man of great birth and eft ate, who 
 for many years has been afflicted with the POSTERO- 
 MANIA, or rage of having pofterity, a diflemper very 
 common among perfons of that fort, ought he not, I 
 fay, to be afhamed of having no iflue male to perpe- 
 tuate his illuftrious name and title, when, for fo fmall 
 a fum as three-and-fix- pence, he and his lady might 
 be fupplied with a fufncient quantity of the VIVIFY- 
 ING DROPS, which infallibly cure imbecillity in men, 
 and barrennefs in women, though of never fo long 
 (landing ? 
 
 Another very great difcovery of the moderns, in 
 
 the art of healing, is the infallible cure of the king's- 
 
 evil, though new r fo inveterate, by only the touch of 
 
 a lawful king, the right heir of Adam ;- for that is 
 
 N 2 e0entiailv
 
 i8o L O R D C II E S T E R F I E L D 'S 
 eflentially nccefiary. The antients were unacquainted 
 with this ineftimable fecret, and even Solomon the 
 ibn of David, the vvifeft of kings, knew nothing of 
 the matter. But our Britifh Solomon, king James 
 the firft, a fon of David alto, was no ftranger to it, 
 and praftifed it with fuccefs. This fad is fufficiendy 
 proved by experience , but if it wanted any corro- 
 borating teftimony, we have that of the ingenious 
 Mr. Carte, who, in his incomparable hiftory of Eng- 
 land, aflerts, and that in a marginal note too *, which 
 is always more material than the text, that he knew 
 SOMEBODY, who was radically cured of a moft ob- 
 fu'nate king's-evil, by the touch of SOMEBODY. As 
 our fagacious hiftorian does not even intimate that 
 this SOMEBODY took any thing of the other SOMEBODY 
 for the cure, it were to be wifhed that he had named 
 this SOMEBODY, and his place of abode, u for the 
 " benefit of the poorf," who are now reduced, and 
 at fome expence, to have recourfe to Mr. Vickers the 
 clergyman. Befides, I fairly confefs myfelf to be 
 perlbnally interelted in this enquiry, fince this SOME- 
 BODY muft neceffarily be the right heir of Adam, 
 and confequently I muft have the honor of being 
 delated to him. 
 
 Our laborious neighbours and kinfmen, the Ger- 
 mans, are not without their inventions and happy 
 
 * This unlucky note (which Mr. Carte was over-nerfuadc-d hy 
 fomeolhis friends to i nitre) everrtufllly dctlroycJ the credit of .t 
 hiilory ot" which great expe^lntioni had been formed. 
 
 i Thus the great dean of S;. Patrick's gave the world a fingular 
 fotire, in 1713, under the tide of * 3Mr. Collins'* diicourfe ot Yree- 
 * thinking; put into Englilli, by way of zl&r.\&,for the Je of tit 
 '/wr ;" re -printed in the Supplement to his Woiks. 1776. 
 
 difcoverics
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIV. i$r 
 difcoveries in the art of medicine ; for they laugh at 
 a wound through the heart, if they can but apply 
 their powder of fympathy not to the wound itfelf, 
 but to the fword or bullet that made it. 
 
 Having now, at lead in my own opinion, fully 
 proved the fuperiority of the moderns over the an- 
 tients in the art of healing, I lhall proceed to fomc 
 other particulars, in which my contemporaries will as 
 juftly claim, and I hope be allowed, the preference. 
 
 The ingenious Mr. Warburton, in his Divine Le- 
 gation of MofeS) very juftly obierves, that hieroglyphics 
 were the beginning of letters, but at the fame time 
 he very candidly allows, that it was a very trouble- 
 fomeand uncertain method of communicating one's 
 ideas ; as it depended in a great meafure on the wri- 
 ter's fkill in drawing, an art little known in thofe days ; 
 and as a ftroke too much or too little, too high or 
 too low, might be. of the mod dangerous confequence 
 in religion, bufmefs, or love. Cadmus removed this 
 difficulty by his invention of unequivocal letters, 
 but then he removed it too much ; for theie letters or 
 marks, being the lame throughout, and fixed alpha- 
 betically, foon became generally known, and pre- 
 vented that fecrecy, which" in many cafes was to be 
 wifhed for. This inconvenience fuggefled to the an- 
 tients the invention of cryptography and ilegano- 
 graphy, or a myfterious and unintelligible way of 
 writing, by the help of which none but correfponding 
 parties, who had the key, could decypher the matter. 
 But human imluftry foon refined upon this too; the 
 art of decyphering was difcovered, and the fkill of 
 phe .decypherer baffled all the labor of the cypherer. 
 N 3 The
 
 i8a LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 The fecrecy of all literary correfpondence became pre- 
 carious ; and neither bufinefs nor love could any 
 longer be fafely trufted to paper. Such for a con- 
 fiderable time was the unhappy Hate of letters, till 
 the BEAU MONDE, an inventive race of people, found 
 out a new kind of cryptography, or fteganography, 
 unknown to the antients, and free from fome of their 
 inconveniencies. Lovers in general made ufe of it, 
 controverfial writers commonly, and minifters of flate 
 fometimes, in the moft important difpatches. It was 
 writing in fuch an unintelligible manner, and with 
 fuch obfcurity, that the correip^nding parties them- 
 felves neither underftood, nor even guefied at, each 
 other's meaning j which was a mod effectual fecurity 
 againft all the accidents, to which letters are liable 
 by being either miflaid or intercepted. But this me- 
 thod too, though long purfued, was alfo attended 
 with fome inconveniencies. It frequently produced 
 rciftakes, by fcattering falfe lights upon that friendly 
 darknefs, fo propitious to bufinefs and love. But 
 our inventive neighbours, the French, have very 
 lately removed all thefe inconveniencies, by a happy 
 diicovery of a new kind of paper, as plealing to the 
 eye, and as conducive to the difpatch, the clearnefs, 
 and at the fame time the fecrecy, of all literary cor- 
 refpondence. My worthy friend Mr. Dodfley lately 
 brought me a fample of it, upon which, if I miftake 
 not, he will make very confiderable improvements, as 
 my countrymen often do upon the inventions of other 
 nations. This meet of paper I conjectured to be the 
 ground-work and principal material of a tender and 
 paffionate letter from a fine gentleman to a fine lady ; 
 
 though
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIY. 183 
 though in truth it might very well be the whole let- 
 ter itfelf. At the top of the firft page was delineated 
 a lady, with very red cheeks and a very large hoop, 
 in the fafhionable attitude of knotting, and of making 
 a very genteel French curtefy. This evidently ap- 
 pears to ftand for MADAM, and faves the time and 
 trouble of writing it. At the bottom of the third 
 page, was painted a very fine well-drefled gentleman, 
 with his hat under his left arm, and his right hand 
 upon his heart, bowing moft refpeftfully low ; which 
 fingle figure, by an admirable piece of brachygraphy; 
 or fhort-hand, plainly conveys this deep fcnfe, and 
 ftands inftead of thefe many words, u I have the ho- 
 " nor to be, with the tendered and warmeft fenti- 
 46 ments, madam, your moil inviolably attached, 
 " faithful humble fervant." The margin of the pa- 
 per, which was about half an inch broad, was very 
 properly decorated with all the emblems of triumphant 
 beauty and tender fufrering paffion. Groups of lilies, 
 rofes, pearls, corals, funs, and ftars, were intermixed 
 with chains, bearded fhafts, and bleeding hearts. 
 Such a flieet of paper, I cor.fefs, feems to me to be a 
 compleat letter ; and I would advife all fine gentle- 
 men, whofe time I know is precious, to avail them- 
 felves of this admirable invention : it will fave them 
 a great deal of time, and perhaps fome thought; and 
 I cannot help thinking, that, were they even to take 
 the trouble of filling up the paper with the tendered 
 fcntiments of their hearts, or the mod mining flights 
 of their fancy, they would add no energy or delicacy 
 to thofe types and fyrnbols of the lady's conqued, and 
 their own captivity and fufferings. 
 
 N 4 Theft
 
 ,84 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Thefe blank letters, if I may call them fo, when 
 they convey fo much, will mock the jealous curiofity 
 of hufbands and fathers, who will in vain hold them 
 to the fire, to elicit the fuppofed juice of lemon, and 
 upon whom they may afterwards pafs for a piece of 
 innocent pleafantry. 
 
 The dulled of my readers muft, I am fure, by this 
 time be aware, that the utility of this invention ex- 
 tends, mutatis mutandis, to whatever can be the fubjedt 
 of letters, and with much lefs trouble, and much more 
 iecrecy, propriety, and elegancy, than the old way of 
 writing. 
 
 A painter of but moderate fkill and fancy may, 
 in a very fhort time, have reams of ready-painted pa- 
 per by him, to fupply the demands of the ftateiman, 
 the divine, and the lover. And I think it my duty 
 to inform the public, that my good friend Mr. 
 Dodfley, who has long complained of the decay of 
 trade, and who loves, with a prudent regard to his 
 own intereft, to encourage every ufeful invention, is 
 at this time learning to paint with moft unwearied 
 diligence and application : and I make no doubt, but 
 that, in a very little time, he will be able to furniOi 
 all forts of perfons with the very beft ready-made 
 goods of that kind. I warned him indeed againft 
 providing any for the two learned profeflions of the 
 law and phyfic, which I apprehend would lie upon 
 his hands : one of them being already in pofleffion, 
 to fpeak in their own ftyle, of a more brachygraphi- 
 cal, cryptographical, and fteganographical fecret, in 
 writing their WARRANTS ; and the other not willingly 
 admitting brevity in any mape. Otherwife, what in- 
 numerable
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIV. 185 
 numerable fkins of parchment and lines of writing 
 might be faved in a marriage-fettlement, for inftance, 
 if the firft fourteen or fifteen fons, the fuppofed fu- 
 ture ifTue, LAWFULLY TO BE BEGOTTEN of that happy 
 marriage, and upon whom the fetdement is fuccef- 
 fively made, were to be painted every one a fize lefs 
 than the other upon one fkin of parchment, inftead of 
 being enumerated upon one hundred, according to 
 propriety of birth and feniority of age-, and moreover 
 the elder, by an happy pleonafmtis^ always to take be- 
 fore, and be preferred to, the younger ! but this ufe- 
 ful alteration is more to be wifhed than expected, for 
 reafons which I do not at prefent think proper to 
 mention. 
 
 I am fenfible that the government may poflibly ob- 
 ject, that I am fuggefting to its enemies a method of 
 carrying on their treafonable correfpondences, with 
 much more fecrecy than formerly. But, as my in- 
 tentions are honeft, I mould be very forry to have my 
 loyalty fufpected; and when I confider the zeal, and 
 at the fame time the ingenuity, of the Jacobites, I am 
 convinced that their letters in this new method will be 
 fo charged with groves of oaken boughs, white rofes 
 and thirties interwoven, that their meaning will not 
 be obfcure, and confequently no danger will arife to 
 the government from this new and excel 'ent inven- 
 tion. 
 
 XXV
 
 i85 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 XXV. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, June 21, 1753. N 25. 
 
 I HAVE the pleafure of informing my fair cor- 
 refpondent, that her petition contained in the fol- 
 lowing letter is granted. I wifh I could as eafily 
 reftore to her what fhe has loft. But to a mind like 
 hers, fo elevated ! fo harmonized ! time and the con- 
 fcioufnefs of fo much purity of intention will bring 
 relief. It muft always afford her matter of the moft 
 pleafing reflection, that her foul had no participation 
 with her material part in that particular act, which 
 fhe appears to mention with fo tender regret. But it 
 is not my intention to anticipate her ftory, by endea- 
 vouring to confole her. Her letter, I hope, will 
 caution all young ladies of equal virtue with herfelf 
 againft that excefs of complaifance, with which they 
 are ibmetimes too willing to entertain their lovers. 
 
 I 
 
 To Mr. FITZ-ADAM. 
 
 HAVE not the lead ill-will to your friend Mr. 
 
 Dodfley, whom I never law in my life; but I ad- 
 drefs myfelf to your equity and good-nature, for a 
 imall fliare only of your favour and recommendation 
 in that new and valuable branch of trade, to which you 
 have informed the public he is wow applying himfelf, 
 
 anc}
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXV. 187 
 and which I hope you will not think it reafonable 
 that he fhould monopolize. I mean that admirable 
 Ihort and fecret method of communicating one's ideas, 
 by ingenious emblems and representations of the pen- 
 cil, inftead of the vulgar and old method of letters by 
 the pen. Give me leave, fir, to ftate my cafe and my 
 qualifications to you : I am fure you will decide with 
 juftice. 
 
 I am the daughter of a clergyman, who, having 
 had a very good living, gave me a good education, 
 and left me no fortune. I had naturally a turn to 
 reading and drawing: my father encouraged and 
 afilfted me in the one, allowed me a mailer to inftru6b 
 me in the other, and I made an uncommon progrefs 
 in them both. My heart was tender, and my fenti- 
 ments were delicate-, perhaps too much fo for my 
 rank in life. This difpofition led me to ftudy chiefly 
 thofe treafures of divine honor, fpotlefs virtue, and 
 refined fentiment, the voluminous romances of the hft 
 century: fentiments, from which, I thank heaven, I 
 have never deviated. From a fympathizing foftnefs 
 of foul, how often have I wept over thofe affecting 
 diftrefies ! how have I fhared the pangs of the chaftc 
 and lovely Mariamne upon the death of the tender, 
 the faithful Tiridates ! and how has my indignation 
 been excited, at the unfaithful and ungenerous hiftori- 
 cal mifreprefcntations of the gallant firft Brutus, who 
 xvas undoubtedly the tendered lover that ever lived ! 
 My drawings took the fame elegant turn with my read- 
 ing. I painted all the moft moving and tender irories 
 pf charming Ovid's Metamorphofes ; not without 
 Sometimes mingling my tears with my colors. I prc- 
 
 fenfted
 
 jS8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fented fame fans of my own painting to fome ladies in 
 the neighbourhood, who were pleafed to commend 
 both the execution and the defigns- The latter I al- 
 ways took care fhould be moving, and at the fame 
 time irreproachably pure; and I found means even to 
 reprefent, with unblemi(hed delicacy, the unhappy 
 paffion of the unfortunate Pafiphae. With this turn 
 of mind, this ibftnefs of foul, it will be fuppofed that 
 I loved. I did fo, fir ; tenderly and truly I loved. 
 Why fhould I difown a paffion, which, when clarified 
 as mine was from the impure dregs of fenfuality, is 
 the nobleft and mod generous fentiment of the human 
 bread? O! that the falfe heart of the dear deceiver, 
 whofe perfidious vows betrayed mine, had been but as 
 pure! The traitor was quartered, with his troop of 
 dragoons, in the town where I lived. His perfon was 
 a happy compound of the manly ftrength of a hero, 
 and all the fofter graces of a lover ; and I thought that 
 I difcovered in him, at firft fight, all the courage and 
 all the tendernefs of Oroondates. My figure, which 
 was not bad, it feems, pleafcd him as much. He 
 fought and obtained my acquaintance. Soon by his 
 eyes, and foon after by his words, he declared his 
 paffion to me. My blulhes, my confufion, and my 
 filence, too plainly ipoke mine. Good gods ! how 
 tender were his words ! how languifhingly foft his 
 eyes ! with what ardor did he prefs my hand ; a tri- 
 fling liberty, which one cannot decently refufe, and for 
 which refuial there is no precedent ! Sometimes he 
 addreiled me in the moving words of Varanes, ibme- 
 times in the render accents of Caftalio, and fometimes 
 in the warmer language of Juba ; for he was a very
 
 -MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXV. 189 
 good fcholar. In Ihort, fir, a month was not pad be- 
 fore he prefied for what he called a proof of my paf- 
 fion. I trembled at the very thought, and reproached 
 him with the indelicacy of it. He perfifted -, and I, in 
 compliance with cuftom only, hinted previous mar- 
 riage : he urged love, and I was not vulgar enough to 
 refufe to the man I tenderly loved the proof he re- 
 quired of my paflion. 1 yielded, it is true; but it was 
 to fentiment, not to defire. A few months gave me 
 reafon to fufpect that his paffion was not quite fo pure: 
 and within the year, the perfidious wretch convinced 
 me that it had been merely fenfual : for, upon the re- 
 moval of his troop to other quarters, he took a cold 
 leave of me, and contented himfelf with faying, that in 
 the courle of quarters he hoped to have the pleafure, 
 fome time or other, of feeing me again. You, Mr. 
 Fitz-Adam, if you have any elegancy of foul, as I dare 
 fay you have, can better guefs than I can exprefs the 
 agonies I feic, and the tears I fhed upon this occafion: 
 but all in vain ; vain as the thoufand tender letters 
 which I have written to him fmce, and to which I have 
 received no anfwer. As all this palled within the 
 courfe of ten months, I !iad but one child; which 
 dear pledge of my firft and only love I now maintain, 
 at the expence of more than half of what I have to 
 fubfift upon myfeif. 
 
 Having now, as I hope, prepared your companion, 
 and proved my qualification, I proceed to the prayer 
 of my petition ; which is, that you will be pleafed to 
 recommend me to the public, with all that authority 
 which you have fo juftly acquired, for a lhare of this 
 new and beneficial branch of trade ; I mean no farther 
 2 than
 
 I 9 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 than the juft bounds to which the female province 
 may extend. Let Mr. Dodfley engrofs all the reft, 
 with my beft wifhes. Though I fay it, I believe no- 
 body has a clearer notion of the theory of delicate fen- 
 timents than I have; and I have already a confider- 
 able ftock in hand of thefe allegorical and emblema- 
 tical paintings, applicable to almoft every fituation 
 in which a woman of fenfe, virtue, and delicacy, can 
 find herfelf. I indulged my fancy in painting them, 
 according to the various difpofitions of mind which 
 my various fortunes produced. I think I may fay 
 without vanity, that I have made confiderable im- 
 provements in the celebrated map of the realms of 
 love in Clelia. I have adorned the banks of the gen- 
 tle and cryftalline Tender, with feveral new villages 
 and groves ; and added expreffion to the pleafing me- 
 lancholic groves of fighs and tender cares. I have 
 whole quires, painted in my happier moments, of 
 hearts united and crowned, fluttering Cupids, wan- 
 ton zephyrs, conftant and tender doves, myrtle bowers, 
 banks of jeflamine and tuberofe, and ihady groves. 
 Thefe will require very little filling up, if any, from 
 ladies who are in the tranfporced fituation of growing 
 loves. For the forfaken and complaining fair, with 
 whom, alas ! I too fatally fympathize, I have tender 
 willows drooping over murmuring brooks, and gloomy 
 walks of mournful cyprefs and folemn yew. In fhort, 
 fir, I either haver by me, or will forthwith provide, 
 whatever can convey the mod perfecl ideas of elegant 
 friendfhip, or pure, refined, and fenti mental pafllon. 
 But I think it necefTary to give notice, that if any la- 
 dies would exprefs any indelicate ideas of love, or re- 
 quire
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXV. XXVI. i 9I 
 quire any types or emblems of fenfual joy, they muft 
 not apply to, 
 
 s i R, 
 
 Your mofl obedient humble fervant, 
 
 PARTHENISSA," 
 
 XXVI. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 SATURDAY, July 19, 1753. N 29. 
 
 s i R, 
 
 I TROUBLED you fome time ago with an ac- 
 count of my diftrefs, arifing from the female part 
 of my family. I told you that, by an unfortunate 
 trip to Paris, my wife and daughter had run (lark 
 French, and I wifh I could tell you now that they 
 were perfeclly recovered : but all I can fay is, that 
 the violence of the fymptoms feems to abate, in pro- 
 portion as the deaths that inflamed them wear out. 
 
 My prefent misfortune flows from a direct con- 
 trary caufe, and affecls me much more fenfibly. The 
 little whims, affectations, and delicacies of ladies, 
 may be both ridiculous and difagreeable, efpeciaJly 
 to thofe who are obliged to be at once the witneffes 
 and the martyrs of them , but they are not evils to 
 be compared with the obftinate vrong- headed nefs, 
 the idle and illiberal turn, of an only fon, which is 
 unfortunately my cafe. 
 
 Ire-
 
 ig LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 I acquainted you, that in the education of my fon 
 I had conformed to the common cuflom of this 
 country, perhaps I conformed to it too much and 
 too foon; and that I carried him to Paris, from 
 whence, after fix months (lay, he was to go upon 
 his travels, and take the ufual tour of Italy and Ger- 
 many. I thought it very neceflary for a young man, 
 though not for a young lady, to be well acquainted 
 xvith the languages, the manners, the characters, and 
 the cohftitutions, of other countries -, the want of 
 which I experienced and lamented in myfelf. In or- 
 der to enable him to keep good company, I allowed 
 him more than I could conveniently afford ; and I 
 trufted him to the care of a Swifs governor, a gen- 
 tleman of fome learning, good-fenfe, good-nature, 
 and good-manners. But how cruelly I am difap- 
 pointed in all thefe hopes, what follows will inform 
 you. 
 
 During his ftay at Paris, he only frequented the 
 worft Englifh company there, with whom he was 
 unhappily engaged in two or three fcrapes, which 
 the credit and the good-nature of the Englim ambaf- 
 lador helped him out of. He hired a low Iriih 
 wench, whom he drove about in a hired chaife, to the 
 great honor of himfelf, his family, and his country. 
 He did not learn one word of French, and never 
 fpoke to Frenchman or Frenchwoman, excepting 
 fome vulgar and injurious epithets, which he beftowed 
 upon them in very plain Englifh. His governor 
 very honeftly informed me of this conduct, which he 
 tried in vain to reform, and advifed their removal to 
 Italy, which accordingly I immediately ordered. His 
 
 behaviour
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVI. << n 
 behaviour there wil appear in the trued light to 
 you, by his own and his governors Jail letters to me, 
 of which I here give you faithful copies. 
 
 " Rome, May the 5^, 1753. 
 "SIR, 
 
 " In the fix weeks that I pafifed at Florence, and 
 " the week I flayed at Genoa, I never had time to 
 " write to you, being wholly taken up with feeing 
 " things, of which the moft remarkable is the (teeple 
 u of Pita : it is the oddeft thing I ever faw in my 
 " life, it Hands all awry , I wonder it does not mm- 
 " ble down. I met with a great many of my coun- 
 fl trywomen, and we live together very fociably. I 
 * c have been here now a month, and will give you 
 " an account of my way of life. Here are a great 
 " many agreeable Knglifh gentlemen , we are about 
 " nine or ten as fmart bucks as any in England. 
 " We conftantly breakfafl together, and then either 
 (( go and fee fights, or drive about the outlets of 
 u Rome in chaifes ; but the horfes are very bad, and 
 " the chaifes do not follow well. We meet before 
 " dinner at the Englifh coffee-houfe , where there is 
 " a very good billiard-table, and very good com- 
 " pany. From thence we go and dine together by 
 " turns at each other's lodgings. Then, after a 
 " chearful glals of claret, for we have made a fhift 
 " to get fome here, we go to the coffee houfe again ; 
 " from thence to fupper; and fo to bed. I do not 
 <c believe that thefe Romans are a bit like the old 
 " Romans , they are a parcel cf thin-gutted, fnivel- 
 " ing, cringing dcgs, and I verily believe t'uat our 
 
 VOL. II. O "fct
 
 I(H LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fet could threfh forty of them. We never go 
 *' among them ; it would not be worth while : be- 
 Vc fides, we none of us fpeak Italian, and none of 
 " thofe fignors fpeak Englifh; which (hews what 
 " fort of fellows they are. We faw the pope go by 
 " the other day in a procefiion, but we yefolved to 
 " afTert the honor of old England ; fo we neither 
 " bowed, nor pulled off our hats, to the old rogue. 
 " Provifions and liquor are but bad here ; and, to 
 " fay the truth, I have not had one thorough good 
 ' meal's meat fince I left England. No longer ago 
 " than laft Sunday, w^e wanted to have a good plumb- 
 " pudding ; but we found the materials difficult to 
 *' provide, and were obliged to get an Englifh foot- 
 " man to make it. Pray, fir, let me come home ; 
 " for I cannot find that one is a jot the better for 
 " feeing all thefe outlandifh places and people. But 
 " if you will not let me come back, for God's fake, 
 " fir, take away the impertinent mounfeer }"ou lent 
 cc with me. He is a considerable cxpence to you, 
 " and of no manner of fervice to me. All the Eng- 
 *' liili here laugh at him, he is fuch a prig, lie 
 " thinks himfelf a fine gentleman, and is always 
 " plaguing me to go into foreign companies, to learn 
 " foreign languages, and to get foreign manners ; as 
 " if I were not to live and die in old England, and 
 " as if good Englifh acquaintance would not be 
 " much more ufeful to me than outlandifh ones. 
 " Dear fir, grant me this requeft, and you (hall ever 
 " find me 
 
 " Your moft dutiful fon, 
 
 " G. rx.'* 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVI. i# 
 The following is a very honed and fenfible letter, 
 which I received at the fame time from my for/s 
 governor. 
 
 " Rome, May the 3^ 1753* 
 
 "SIR, 
 
 " I think myfelf obliged in confcience to inform 
 " you, that the money you are pleafed to allow me, 
 " for my attendance upon your fon, is abfolutely 
 " thrown away ; fince I find, by melancholy expe- 
 " rience, that I can be of no manner of ufe to him. 
 " I have tried all poflible methods to prevail with 
 " him to anfwer, in fome degree at leaft, your good 
 " intentions in fending him abroad ; but all in vain : 
 *' and, in return for my endeavours, I am either 
 " laughed at or infulted. Sometimes I atn called a 
 cf beggarly French dog, and bid to go back to my 
 " own country and eat my frogs ; and fometimes I 
 " am mounfeer ragout, and told that I think myfelf a 
 " very fine gentleman. I daily reprefent to him, 
 " that, by fending him abroad, you meant that he 
 " mould learn the languages, the manners, and cha- 
 " rafters, of different countries , and that he fhould 
 " add to the clafiical education which you had given 
 " him at home, a knowledge of the world, and the 
 *' genteel eafy manners of a man of fafhion, which 
 " can only be acquired by frequenting the beft com- 
 " panies abroad. To which he only anfvvers me 
 *' with a fnecr of contempr, and fays, <c fo be likc- 
 " ye, ha !" I would have connived at the common 
 " vices of youth, if they had been attended with the 
 O2
 
 , V 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " h-aft degree of decency or refinement , but I mud- 
 " not conceal from you, that your Ion's are of the 
 " lowell and molt degrading kind, and avowed in 
 41 the mod public and Indecent manner. I have never 
 " been able to perfuade him to deliver the letters of 
 * l recommendation which you procured him; he fays,, 
 " he does not cleilre to keep fuch company. I ad- 
 viied him to take an Italian mailer; which he 
 " flatly rcfufed, faying that he mould have time 
 " enough to learn Italian, when he went back to 
 tc England. But he has taken, of himfelf, a mufic 
 " mailer to teach him to play upon the German 
 * flute, upon which he throws away two or three 
 " hours every day. We fpend a great deal of money, 
 ** without doing you or ourlelves any honor by it ; 
 '* though your fon, like the generality of his coun- 
 " trymen, values himfelf upon the expence, and 
 " looks upon all foreigners, who are not able to make 
 " fo considerable a one, as a parcel of beggars and 
 u fcoundrels, fpeaks of them, and, if he fpoke to 
 " them, would- treat them, as fuch. 
 
 " If I might prefume to advife you, fir, it mould 
 " be to order us home forthwith. I can allure you 
 " that your fon's morals and manners will be in 
 " much lefs danger under your, own infpection at 
 " home, than they can be under mine abroad , and 
 "I defy him to keep worfe Englifh company 
 " in England than he now keeps here. But, what- 
 ' ever you may think fit to determine concern- 
 " ing him, I muft humbly infill upon my own 
 " diliuiflion, and upon leave to affure you in perfon 
 
 "of
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVI. 197 
 * of the refpeft with Which I havs the honor 
 to be, 
 
 "SIR, 
 
 "Your, &c." 
 
 I have complied with my fon's requeft, in confe- 
 quence of his governor's advice, and have ordered 
 him to come home immediately." But what mail I 
 do with him here, where he is but too likely' to be 
 encouraged and countenanced in thefe illiberal and 
 ungentleman-like manners ? My cafe is furdy mod 
 fingularly unfortunate; to be plagued on one fide by 
 the polite and elegant foreign follies of my wife and 
 daughter, and on the other by the unconforming ob- 
 ftinacy, the low vulgar exceffes, and the porter-like 
 manners, of my fon. 
 
 Perhaps my fortune may fuggeft to you fome 
 thoughts upon the methods of education in general, 
 which, conveyed to the public through your paper, 
 may prove of public ufe. It is in that view fingly 
 that you have had this lecond trouble from, 
 SIR, 
 
 Your mod humble fervant and conftant reader, 
 
 R. I). 
 
 I allow the cafe of my worthy correfpondent to be 
 compafiionate, but I cannot pofiibly allow it to be 
 lingular. The public places daily prove the contrary 
 too plainly. I confeis I oftener pity than blame the 
 errors of youth, when I reflect upon the fundamental 
 errors generally committed by their parents in their 
 education. Many totally neglect, and many miftakc 
 O 3 i:.
 
 7$3 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 it. The antients began the education of their chil- 
 dren, by forming their hearts and their manners. 
 They taught them the duty of men and of citizens ; 
 we teach them the languages of the antients, and 
 leave their morals and manners to fhift for them- 
 lelves. 
 
 As for the modern fpecies of human bucks, I im- 
 pute their brutality to the negligence or the fond- 
 jiefs of their parents. It is obferved in parks, among 
 their betters, the real bucks, that the moil trouble- 
 fome and milchievous are thole who were bred up 
 rame, fondled, and fed out of the hand, when fawns. 
 They abufe, when grown up, the indulgence they 
 met with in their youth ; and their familiarity grows 
 troubjefomc and dangerous with their horns. 
 
 XXVII, 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 SATURDAY, Dec. 7, 1753. N 49. 
 
 HP HOUGH lam an old fellow, I am neither 
 * i-jur nor filly enough yet, to be a fnarling lau- 
 dator temporis acti, and to hate or defpife the prefent 
 age becaufe it is the prefent. I cannot, like many of 
 my cotemporaries, rail at the wonderful degeneracy 
 and corruption of thcfe times, nor, by fneering com- 
 pliments to the ingenious, the fagacious moderns, 
 intimate that they have not common fenfe. I really 
 do not think that the prefent age is marked cue by 
 
 any
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVI. XXVII. 199 
 any new and diflinguiftied vices and follies, un- 
 known to former ages. On the contrary, I am apt 
 to fufpecl that human nature was always very like 
 what it is at this day; and that men, from the time 
 of my great progenitors down to this moment, have 
 always had in them the fame feeds of virtue and 
 vice, wifdom and folly, of which only the modes 
 have varied, from climate, education, and a thoufond 
 other confpiring caufes. 
 
 Perhaps this uncommon good-humour and indul- 
 gence of mine to my cotemporaries may be owing 
 to the natural benignity of my constitution, in which 
 I can difcover no particles of envy or ill-nature, even 
 to my rivals, both in fame and profit, the weekly 
 writers ; or perhaps to the fuperiority of my parts, 
 which every body muft acknowledge, and which 
 places me infinitely above the mean fentiments of 
 envy and jealoufy. But, whatever may be the true 
 caufe, which probably neither my readers nor I Ihall 
 ever difcover with precifion, this at lead is certain, 
 that the prefent age has not only the honor and plea- 
 fure of being extremely well with me, but, if I dare 
 fay fo, better than any that I have yet either heard 
 or read of. Both vices and virtues are fmoothed and 
 foftened by manners, and though they exift as they 
 ever have done, yet the former are become Icfs bar- 
 barous, and the latter lefs rough , infomuch that I 
 am as glad as Mr. Voltaire can be, that I have the 
 good fortune to live in this age, independently of 
 that interefted confideration, that it is rather better to 
 be ftill alive, than only to have lived. 
 
 O 4 This
 
 5co LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 This my benevolence to my country men and co- 
 temporaries ought to be efteemed ftill the more me- 
 ritorious in me, when I mail make it appear that no 
 man's merit has been leis attended to or rewarded 
 than mine: and nothing produces ill-humor, ran- 
 cour, and malevolence fo much, as negleclcd a,nd un^ 
 rewarded merit. 
 
 The utility of my weekly labors is evident, and 
 their eftefls, wherever they are read, prodigious. 
 They are equally calculated, I may fay it without 
 vanity, to form the heart, improve the underftanding, 
 and pleafe the fancy. Notwithftanding all which, 
 the ungrateful public does not take above three 
 thouiand of them a week, though, according to Mr. 
 Maitland's calculation of the number of inhabitants 
 in this great metropolis, they ought to take two hun- 
 dred thoufand of them, fuppofing only five perfons, 
 and one paper to each family ; and allowing feven 
 millions of fouls in the reft of the kingdom, I may 
 modeftly fay, that one million more of them ought 
 to be taken and circulated in the country. The pro- 
 fit arifing from, the fale of twelve hundred thoufand 
 papers would be fome encouragement to me to con-r 
 tinue thefe my labors, for the benefit of mankind. 
 
 I have not yet had the lead intimation from the 
 minifters, that they have any thoughts of calling me 
 to their affiftance, and giving me fome confiderable 
 employment of honor and profit ; and, having had 
 no fuch intimations, I am juftly apprehenfive that 
 they have no fuch intentions : fuch intimations being 
 always long previous to the performance, often to 
 the intentions,
 
 iMISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVII. 201 
 Nor have I been invited, as I confefs I expected 
 to be, by any confiderable borough or county, to re- 
 prelcnt them in the next parliament, and to de-fend 
 their liberties, and the Chriltian religion, againft the 
 minitlers and the Jews. But I think I can account 
 for this feeming flight, without mortification to my 
 vanity and felf-love; my name being a pentateuch 
 name, which, in thefe fufpicious and doubtful times, 
 favours too ftrongjy of Judaifm ; though, upon the 
 faith of a Chriftian, I have not the leaft tendency to 
 it ; and I muft do Mrs. Fitz-Adam, who I own has 
 fome influence over me, the juftice to fay, that fhe 
 has the utmofl horror for thole fanguinary rites and 
 ceremonies. 
 
 Notwithftanding all this ill ufage, for every man 
 may be laid to be ill ufed who is not rewarded ac- 
 cording to his own eftimation of his own merit, 
 which I feel and lament, I cannot however call the 
 prefent age names, and brand it with degeneracy ; 
 nature, as 1 have already obferved, being always the 
 fame, modes only varying. With modes, the flgni- 
 fication of words alfo varies, and, in the courie of 
 thole variations, convey ideas very different from 
 thofe which they were originally intended to exprefs. 
 I could give numberlefs inftances of this kind, but 
 at prefent I fhall content myfelf with this fingle one. 
 
 The word HONOR, in its proper fignification, 
 doubtlefs implies the united fentiments of virtue, 
 truth, and juftice, carried by a generous mind be- 
 yond thofe mean moral obligations, which the laws 
 require, or can punifti the violation of. A TRUE 
 .MAN OF HONOR will not cement himfelf with the li- 
 teral
 
 202 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 teral difcharge of the duties of a man and a citizen ; 
 he railes and dignifies them into magnanimity. He 
 gives where he may withjuftice refufe, he forgives 
 where he may with juftice refent, and his whole con- 
 duct is directed by the noble ientiments of his own 
 unvitiated heart; furer and more icrupulous guides 
 than the laws of the land, which, being calculated 
 for the generality of mankind, muft neceflarily be 
 more a reflraint upon vices in general, than an in- 
 vitation and reward of particular virtues. But thefe 
 cxtenftve and compound notions of HONOR have 
 been long contracted, and reduced to the fingle one 
 of perfonal courage. Among the Romans, HONOR 
 meant no more than contempt of dangers and death 
 in the fervice, whether juft or unjuft, of their coun- 
 try. Their fuccefibrs and conquerors, the Goths 
 and Vandals, who did not deal much in complex 
 ideas, fimplified thofe of HONOR, and reduced them 
 to this plain and fingle one, of fighting for fighting's 
 fake, upon any, or all, no matter what, occafions. 
 
 Our prefent mode of HONOR is fomething more 
 compounded, as will appear by the true character 
 which I mall now give of a fafhionable MAN OF 
 HONOR. 
 
 A Gentleman *, which is now the genteel fynony- 
 mous term for a MAN OF HONOR, muft, like his Go- 
 thic anceftors, be ready for, and rather defirous of, 
 fingle combat. And if by a proper degree of wrong-; 
 
 * A gentleman is every man, who with a tolerable fait of clonth?, 
 a (Word by his fide, and a watch and fnutt-box in his pockets, af- 
 ftrfs him felt to be a gentleman, fvvears with energy rhat he will be 
 -U'.atcd as inch, and th;it he will cut the throat of any man who pre- 
 funies to fay the contrary 
 
 i hcadednefs
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVII. 203 
 headednefs he provokes it, he is only fo much the 
 more jealous of his HONOR, and more of a GEN- 
 TLEMAN. 
 
 He may lie with impunity, if he is neither de- 
 tected nor accufed of it : for it is not the lie he tells, 
 but the lie he is told of, that dimonors him. In 
 that cafe he demonftrates his veracity by his fword 
 or his piftol, and either kills or is killed with the 
 greateft HONOR. 
 
 He may abufe and ftarve his own wife, daughters, 
 or fitters, and he may feduce thofe of other men, 
 particularly his friends, with inviolate HONOR, be- 
 caufe, as fir John Brute very juftly obferves, be wears 
 a fword. 
 
 By the laws of HONOR, he is not obliged to pay 
 his fervants or his tradefmen ; for, as they are a pack 
 of fcoundrels, they cannot without infolence demand 
 their due of a gentleman : but he mud punctually 
 pay his gaming-debts to the {harpers who have 
 cheated him , for thofe debts are really debts of 
 HONOR. 
 
 He lies under one difagreeable reftraint ; for he 
 muft not cheat at play, unlefs in a horfe-match : but 
 then he may with great HONOR defraud in an office, 
 or betray a truft. 
 
 In public affairs, he may, not only with HONOR, 
 but even with fome degree of LUSTRE, be in the fame 
 fe.Tion a turbulent patriot, oppoling the bed inea- 
 furcs, and a fcrvile courtier, promoting the wortt \ 
 provided a very lucrative conlkleration be known to 
 be the motive of his converfior* : for in that cafe the 
 point of HONOR turns fingly upon the quantum.
 
 ^04 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 From thefe prcmifes, which the more they are con- 
 fidered the truer they will be found, it appears that 
 there are but two things which a man of the nice 1.1 
 HONOR may not do,, which are, declining fmgle com- 
 bat, and cheating at play. Strange! that VIRTUE 
 ihould be fo difficult j and HONOR, its fuperior, fo eafy 
 to attain to ! 
 
 The uninformed herd of mankind are governed 
 by words and names, which they implicitly receive 
 without either knowing or afking their meaning. 
 Even the philofophical and religious controvcrfies, for 
 the laft three or four hundred years, have turned 
 much more upon words and names, unafcertained 
 and mifunderftood, than upon things fairly dated. 
 The polite world, to fave time and trouble, receive, 
 adapt, and ufe words, in the fignification of the day ; 
 not having leifure nor inclination to examine and 
 analyfe them : and thus, often milled by founds, and 
 not always fecured by fenfe, they are hurried into fatal 
 -errors, which they do not give their underftandings 
 fair play enough to prevent. 
 
 In explaining words, therefore, and bringing them 
 back to their true fignification, one may fometimes 
 happen to expofe and explode thole errors, which 
 the abufe of them both occafions and protects. May 
 that be the good fortune of this day's paper ! How 
 many unthinking and unhappy men really take 
 themfelves to be MEN of HONOR, upon thefe miftaken 
 ideas of that Word ! And how fatal to others, elpe- 
 icially to the young and unexperienced, is their exam- 
 ple and fuccefs in the world ! I could heartily wiih 
 that fome good dramatic poet would exhibit at full 
 
 length
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVII. 20 
 length and in lively colors, upon the ftage, this mo- 
 difli character of a MAN. of HONOR, of which I have 
 but flightly and haftily chalked the outlines. Upon 
 fuch a fubject, I am apt to think that a good poet 
 might be more ufeful than a good preacher, as per- 
 haps his audiences would be more numerous, and 
 his matter more attended to. Befides, 
 
 " Segnius irritant animoj, demiffa per aurem 
 
 " Quam quae funt oculis fubjefta fidelibus, et quae 
 
 " Ipfe fibi tradit fpeaator *." 
 
 P. S. To prevent miftakes, I muft obferve that 
 there is a great difference between a MAN of HONOR,. 
 and a PERSON of HONOR. By PERSONS of HONOR 
 were meant, in the latter end of the lad century, bad 
 authors and poets of noble birth, who were but juft 
 not fools enough to prefix their names in great let- 
 ters to the prologues, epilogues, and fometimes even 
 the plays, with which they entertained the public. 
 But now that our nobility are too generous to inter- 
 fere in the trade of us poor profefled authors, or to 
 eclipfe our performances by the diftinguifhed and fu- 
 perior excellency and luftre of theirs ; the meaning 
 at prefent of a PERSON of HONOR is reduced to the 
 SIMPLE idea of a PERSON of ILLUSTRIOUS BIRTH. 
 
 * Horat. Art. Poet. 
 
 What we hear 
 More flowly moves the heart than what we fee. 
 
 D U M c o M BE'S tranjlation* 
 
 XXVIII.
 
 206 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 XXVIII. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, Sept. 19, 1754. N 90. 
 
 AN old friend and fellow-ftudent of mine at the 
 univerfity, called upon me the other morn- 
 ing, and found me reading Plato's Sympofion. I 
 laid down my book to receive him, which, after the 
 firft ufual compliments, he took up, faying, " You 
 " will give me leave to fee what was the object of 
 " your fludies." tc Nothing lefs than the divine 
 " Plato," faid I, " that amiable philofopher " " with 
 "whom," interrupted my friend, "Cicero declares 
 " that he would rather be in the wrong, than in the 
 " right with any other." " I cannot," replied I, 
 " carry my veneration for him to that degree of en- 
 " thufiafm ; but yet, wherever I underftand him, for 
 " I confefs I do not every where, I prefer him to 
 " all the antient philofophers. His Sympofion more 
 " particularly engages and entertains me, as I fee 
 " there the manners and characters of the mod emi- 
 " nent men, of the politeft times, of the politeft 
 " city of Greece. And, with aU due refpect to the 
 " moderns, I much queftion whether an account of 
 " a modern Sympofion, though written by the ableft 
 " hand, could be read with fo much pleafiire and 
 " improvement." " I do not know that," replied 
 my friend , " for, though I revere the antients as 
 " much as you poffibly can, and look upon the mo- 
 *' derns as pigmies, when compared to thofe giants, 
 
 " vet
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVIII. 207 
 " yet if we come up to or near them in any thing, 
 '* it is in the elegance and delicacy of our convivial 
 ' intercourfe." 
 
 I was the more furprized at this doubt of my 
 friend's, becaufe I knew that he implicitly lubfcribed 
 to, and fuperftitioufly maintained, all the articles of 
 the claffical faith. I therefore afked him, whether 
 he was ferious ? He anfwered me " that he was : 
 " that, in his mind, Plato fpun out that filly affair 
 " of love too fine and too long ; and that, if I would 
 * c but let him introduce me to the club of which he 
 " was an unworthy member, he believed I fliould at 
 " lead entertain the fame doubt, or perhaps even 
 " decide in favour of the moderns." I thanked my 
 friend for his kindnels, but added that, in whatever 
 fociety he was an unworthy member, I fhould be ftill 
 a more unworthy gueft ; that, moreover, my retired 
 and domeftic turn of life was as inconfiftent with 
 the engagements of a club, as my natural taciturnity 
 among ftrangers would be mifplaced in the mid it of* 
 all that feftal mirth and gaiety. " You miftake me," 
 anfwered my friend; "every member of our club 
 " has the privilege of bringing one friend along with 
 " him, who is by no means thereby to become a 
 " member of it ; and as for your taciturnity, we have 
 " fome filent members, who, by the way, are none 
 u of our worft. Silent people never fpoil company ; 
 V but, on the contrary, by being good hearers, en- 
 " courage good fpeakers." " But I have another 
 " difficulty," anfwered I, * c and that I doubt a very 
 *' folid one, which, is, that I drink nothing but wa- 
 ti Ier< " K g o m uch the worfe for you," replied my 
 
 friend,
 
 20 8 L O R 15 C tf E S T E R F I E L D ' S 
 friend, who, by the bye, loves his bottle mod aca- 
 demically ; " you will pay for the claret you do not 
 " drink. We ufe no compulfion ; every one drinks 
 " as little as he plcafes " "Which I prefume," 
 interrupted I, " is as much as he can." " That is 
 "jult as it happens," . faid he: " fometimcs, it is 
 " true, we make pretty good fittings, but for my 
 " own part, 1 chufe to go home always before ele- 
 " ven : for, take my word for it, it is the fming-up 
 " late, ami not the drink, that deftroys the confti- 
 ' tution." As I found that my friend would have 
 taken a refufal ill, I told him that for this once I 
 would certainly attend him to the club, but defired 
 him to give me previoufly the outlines of the cha- 
 racters of the fitting m'.iTibers, that I might know 
 how to behave myfelf properly. " Your precau- 
 " lion," .faid he, " is a prudent one ; and I will 
 " make you fo well acquainted with them before- 
 * { hand, that you fhall not feem a ftranger when 
 " among them. You mud know then, that our 
 " club confifts of at lead forty members when com- 
 " pleat. Of thefe, many are now in the country ; 
 " and, befides, we have fome vacancies, which can- 
 " not be rilled up till next winter. Palfies and apo- 
 " plexies have of late, I do not know why, been 
 " pretty rife among us, and carried off a good many. 
 " It is not above a week ago, that poor Tom Toaft- 
 " well fell on a fudden under the table, as we 
 " thought only a little in drink, but he was carried 
 " home, and never fpoke more. Thofe whom you 
 " will probably meet with to-day are, firft of all, 
 * c lord Feeble, a nobleman of admirable fenfe, a true 
 5 " fine
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVIIT. 209 
 " fine gentleman, and, for a man of quality, a pretty 
 " claffic. He has lived rather fa ft formerly, and 
 " impaired his conftitution by fitting up late, and 
 " drinking your thin fharp wines. He is (till what 
 " you call nervous, which makes him a little low- 
 " fpirited and rcferved at firft ; but he grows very 
 " affable and chearful, as foon as he has warmed his 
 " ftomach with about a bottle of good claret. 
 
 " Sir Tunbelly Guzzle is a very worthy north- 
 " country baronet of a good eftate, and one who was 
 " beforehand in the world, till, being twice choftn 
 * knight of the fhire, and having in confequence got 
 " a pretty employment at court, he ran out confidcr- 
 " ably. He has left off houle keeping, and is now 
 <e upon a retrieving fchemt. He is the heartieft, 
 <e honefteft fellow living ; and though he is a man 
 " of very few words, I can allure you he does noc 
 *' want fenfe. He had an univerfity education, and 
 " has a good notion of the daffies. The poor man 
 " is confined half the year at Icaft with the gout, 
 " and has befides an inveterate fcurvy, which I can- 
 * c not account for : no man can live more regularly, 
 " he eats nothing but plain meat, and very little of 
 " that; he drinks no thin wines, and never fits up 
 ** late, for he has his full dofe by eleven. 
 
 * 4 Colonel Culverin is a brave old experienced of- 
 " ficer, though but a lieutenant- colonel of foot. Be- 
 " tween you and me, he has had great injuftice done 
 " him, and is now commanded by many, \vho were 
 " not born when he came firft into the army. He 
 " has ferved in Ireland, Minorca, and Gibraltar, and 
 " would have been in all the late battles in Flanders, 
 VOL. II. P "had
 
 io LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " had the regiment been ordered there. It is a 
 " pleafure to hear him talk of war. He is the beft'- 
 " natured man alive, but a little too jealous of his 
 c honor, and too apt to be in a paffion ; but that is 
 " foon over, and then he is forry for it. I fear he 
 " is dropfical, which I impute to his drinking your 
 " champains and burgundies. He got that ill habit 
 " abroad. 
 
 " Sir George Plyant is well born, has a genteel 
 " fortune, keeps the very beft company, and is to 
 " be lure dne of the beft- bred men alive : he is fa 
 " good-natured, that he feems to have no will of 
 u his own. He will drink as little or as much as 
 " you pleafe, and no matter of what. He has been 
 " a mighry man with the ladies formerly, and loves 
 ' the crack of the whip (till. He is our newf- 
 *' monger ; for, being a gentleman of the privy- 
 <c chamber, he goes to court every day, and confe- 
 " quently knows pretty well what is going forward 
 " there. Poor gentleman ! I fear we mall not keep 
 " him long -, for he fecrms far gone in a confump- 
 " tion, though the doctors fay it is only a nervous 
 " atrophy. 
 
 " Will Sitfaft is the beft-natured fellow living, 
 " and an excellent companion, though he feldom 
 " fpeaks; but he is no flincher, and fits every man's 
 " hand out at the club. He is a very good fcholar, 
 *' and can write very pretty Latin verfes. I doubt 
 " he is in a declining way ; for a paralitical ftroke 
 " has lately twitched up one fide of his mouth fo, 
 " that he is LOW obliged to take his wine diagonally. 
 
 " However,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVIII. 2 r: 
 *' However, he keeps up his Ipirics bravely, and 
 " never mams his glafs. 
 
 " Doctor Carbuncle is an honed, jolly, merry par- 
 <e Ton, well affected to the government, and much 
 " of a gentleman. He is the life of our club, in- 
 " dead of being the leaft reftraint upon it. He is an 
 " admirable fcholar, and I really believe has all 
 " Horace by heart ; I know he has hinvalways in his 
 <f pocket. His red face, inflamed nofe, and fwelkd 
 " legs, make him generally thought a hard drinker 
 " by thofe who do not know him ; but I muft do 
 " him the juftice to fay, that I never faw him dif- 
 " guifed with liquor in my life. It is true, he is a 
 " very large man, and can hold a great deal, which 
 " makes the colonel call him pleafandy enough a 
 " vejfel of ehttion. 
 
 " The laft and lead," concluded my friend, " is 
 " your humble fervant fuch as I am , and, if you 
 *' pleafe, we will go and walk in the park till din- 
 (t ner-time.** I agreed, and we fet out together* 
 But here the reader will perhaps expect that I fhould 
 let him walk on a little, while I give his character. 
 We were of the fame year of St. John's college in 
 Cambridge : he was a younger brother of a good fa- 
 mily, was bred to the church, and had jurt got a 
 fellowfhip in the college, when, his elder brother dy- 
 ing, he fucceeded to an eafy fortune, and refolved 
 to make himfelf eafy with it, that is, to do nothing. 
 As he had refided long in college, he had contracted 
 all the habits and prejudices, the lazinefs, the ibak- 
 ing, the pride, and the pedantry of the cloyfter, 
 \vhich after a certain time are never to be rubbed off*
 
 ,t LORI> CHESTERFIELD T S 
 He confidered the critical knowledge of the Greek 
 and Latin words as the utmoft effort of the human 
 underftanding, and a glafs of good wine in good com- 
 pany as the higheft pitch of human felicity. Ac- 
 cordingly he pafies his mornings in reading the claf- 
 fics, moft of which he has long had by heart, and 
 his evenings in drinking his glafs of good wine, 
 which, by frequent filling, amounts at leaft to two> 
 and often to three bottles a day. I muft not omic 
 mentioning that my friend is tormented with the 
 ftone, which misfortune he imputes to his having 
 once drunk water for a month, by the prefcriptiort 
 of the late doctor Cheyne, and by no means to at 
 kail two quarts of claret a day, for thefe laft thirty 
 years. To return to my friend ; " I am very much 
 " miftaken," laid he, as we were walking in the 
 park, " if you do not thank me for procuring you 
 " this day's entertainment ; for a fet of worthier gen- 
 " tlemen, to be fure, never lived." " I make no 
 " doubt of it,'* faid I, " and am therefore the more 
 " concerned, when 1 reflect, that this club of worthy 
 " gentlemen might, by your own account, be not im- 
 (i properly called an hofpital of incurables, as there 
 " is not one among them, who does not labor under 
 " fome chronical and mortal diltemper." <f 1 fee what 
 " you would be at," anfwercd my friend ; " you 
 " would infmuate that it is all owing to wine : but 
 " let me allure you, Mr. Fitz-Adam, that wine, ef- 
 " pecially claret, if neat and good, can hurt no man/' 
 I did not reply to this aphorifm of my friend's, 
 which I knew would draw on too long a difcuffion, 
 especially as we were juft going into the club-room, 
 
 where,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXVIII. XXIX. 213 
 where I took it for granted that it was one of the 
 great constitutional principles. The account of this 
 modern Sympofion fhall be the fubject of my next 
 paper. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 .- 
 
 SATURDAY, Sept. 26, 1754. N 91. 
 
 MY friend prefented me to the company, in what 
 he thought the mod obliging manner -, but 
 which, I confefs, put me a little out of countenance. 
 *' Give me leave, gentlemen," faid he, " to prefent 
 " to you my old friend Mr. Fitz-Adam, the inge- 
 " nious author of the World." The word author 
 inftantly excited the attention of the whole company, 
 and drew all their eyes upon me : for people, who 
 are not apt to write themfelves, have a ftrange cu- 
 riofity to fee a live author. The gentlemen received 
 me in common with thofe geftures that intimate wel- 
 come ; and I on my part refpectfully muttered fome 
 of thofe nothings, which ftancl inftead of the fome- 
 thing one fhould fay, and perhaps do full as well. 
 
 The weather being hot, the gentlemen were refrelh- 
 ing themfelves before dinner, with what they called a 
 cool tankard -, in which they fucccfBvely drank to me. 
 When it came to my turn, I thought I could not de- 
 cently decline drinking the gentlemen's healths, which 
 I <3id aggregately : but how was I furprized, when 
 P 3 upon
 
 1T4- LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 upon the firft taPce I difcovered that this cooling and 
 refrelh'mg draught was compofed of the ftrongeft 
 mountain wine, lowered indeed with a very little lemon 
 ^nd water, but then heightened again by a quantity 
 x)f thofe comfortable aromatics, nutmeg and ginger! 
 Dinner, which had been called for more than once 
 with feme impatience, was at laft brought up, upon 
 the colonel's threatening perdition to the mafter and 
 all the waiters of the houle, if it was delayed two 
 minutes longer. We fat down without ceremony j- 
 .and we were no fooner fat down, than every body, ex- 
 cept myfclf, drank every body's health, which made 
 a tumultuous kind of noife. I obferved with fur 
 prize, that the common quantity of wine was put into 
 glafles of an, immenfe fize and weight-, but my fur- 
 prize ceafed when I faw the tremulous hands that took 
 them, and for which I fuppofed they were intended as 
 ballaft. But even this precaution did not protect the 
 nofe of doctor Carbuncle from a fevere mock, in his 
 attempt to hit his mouth. The colonel, who ob- 
 ferved this accident, cried out pleafantly, " Why, 
 " doctor, I find you are but a bad engineer. While 
 " you aim at your mouth, you will never hit it, take 
 *< my word for it. A floating battery, to hit the- 
 * mark, muft be pointed fomething above, or below 
 *' it. If you would hit your mouth, direct your four- 
 f pounder at your forehead, or your chin." The 
 dodor good-humoredly thanked the colonel for the 
 hint, and promifed him to communicate it to his 
 friends at Oxford, where he owned, that he had feen 
 many a good glafs of port fpilt for want of it. Sir 
 Tun belly almoft imiled, fir George laughed, and 
 
 the
 
 MI SC ELL AN E O US PIECES. XXIX. tig 
 the whole company, ibme how or other, applaud- 
 ed this elegant piece of raillery. But alas, things 
 foon took a lefs pleafant turn ; for an enormous but- 
 tock of boiled fait beef, which had fucceeded the 
 loupe, proved not to be fufficiently corned for fir 
 Tunbelly, who had befpoke it, and at the fame time 
 lord Feeble took a diflike to the claret, which he 
 affirmed not to be the fame which they had drank 
 the day before ; it had not " filkinefs, went rough 
 " off the tongue," and his lordihip (hrewdly fufpected 
 that it was mixed with " Benecarlo, or fome of thole 
 u black wines." This was a common caule, and ex- 
 cited univerfal attention. The whole company tafted 
 it fcrioufly, and every one found a different fault with 
 it. The mafter of the houfe was immediately lent 
 for up, examined, and treated as a criminal. Sir 
 Tunbelly reproached him with the freflinefs of the 
 beef, while at the fame time all the others fell upon 
 him for the badnefs of his wine, telling him that it 
 was not fit ufage for fuch good customers 45 they 
 were, and, in fine, threatening him with a migration 
 of the club to fome other houfe. The criminal laid 
 the blame of the beef's not being corned enough 
 upon his cook, whom he promifcd to turn away, 
 and attellecl heaven and earth, that the wine was the 
 very fame which they had all approved of the day 
 before, and, as he had a foul to be faved, was true 
 Chateau Margoux. u Chateau devil !" laid the co- 
 lonel with warmth, " it is your d d rough chaos * 
 " \vine." Will Sitfaft, who thought himfelf obliged 
 tp articulate upon this occafion^ faid, he was not 
 
 Cahors. 
 
 P i Jure
 
 ji6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fure it was a mixed wine, but that indeed it drank 
 down. " If that is all," interrupted the doctor, 
 ' let us even drink it up then -, or, if that will not do, 
 *' lince we cannot have the true Falernum^ let us take 
 ** up for once with the vile Sabinum. What fay you, 
 " gentlemen, to good honed port, which I am con- 
 * c vinced is a much wholefomer ftomach wine ?" My 
 friend, who in his heart loves port better than any 
 other wine in the world, willingly feconded the doc- 
 tor's motion, and fpoke very favourably of your 
 Portingal wines in general, if neat. Upon this, fome 
 v/as immediately brought up, which I obferved my 
 friend and the doctor (luck to the whole evening. I 
 <could not help afking the doctor, if he really prefer- 
 red port to lighter wines ? To which he anlwered, 
 " You know, Mr. Fitz-Adam, that ufe is fecond na- 
 ** ture, and port is in a manner mother's milk to me ; 
 u for it is what my Alma Mater fuckles all her nu- 
 ** merous progeny with." I filently affented to the 
 doctor's account, which I was convinced was a true 
 one, and then attended to the judicious animad- 
 verfions of the other gentlemen upon the claret, 
 which were ftill continued, though at the fame time 
 they continued to drink it. I hinted my furprize at 
 this to fir Tunbelly, who gravely anfwered me, and 
 in a moving way, " Why what can we do?" " Not 
 44 drink it," replied I, " fince it is not good." " But 
 * 4 what will you have us do ? and how fhall we pafs 
 " the evening ?" rejoined the baronet. " One cannot 
 " go home at five o'clock." " That depends upon 
 * r a great deal of ufe," faid L " It may be fo, to a 
 * ; cenain degree," faid the doctor. " But give me 
 
 * leave
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIX. 217 
 " leave to afk you, Mr. Fitz-Adam, you, who drink 
 " nothing but water, and live much at home, how 
 <e do you keep up your fpirits ?" * Why, doctor," 
 faid I, " as I never lowered my fpirits by ftrong li- 
 " quors, I do not want to raife them," Here we 
 were interrupted by the colonel's raifing his voice and 
 indignation againft the burgundy and the champain, 
 fwearing that the former was ropy, and the latter 
 upon the fret, and not without fome fufpicion of 
 cyder and fugar-candy, notwithstanding which, he 
 drank, in a bumper of it, " Confufion to the town 
 " of Briflol and the bottle-aft." It was a fhame, he 
 faid, that gentlemen could have no good burgundies 
 and champains, for the fake of fome increafe of the 
 revenue, the manufacture of glafs-bottles, and fuch, 
 fort of fluff. Sir George confirmed the fame, ad- 
 ding that it was fcandalous ; and the whole company 
 agreed, that the new parliament would certainly re- 
 peal fo abfurd an aft the very firft fefiion -, but, if 
 they did not, they hoped they would receive inftruc- 
 tions to that purpofe from their constituents. " To 
 " be fure," faid the colonel. " What a d d nout 
 * f they made about the repeal of the Jew-bill, for 
 *' which nobody cared one farthing! But, by the 
 " way," continued he, " I think every body has done 
 " eating, and therefore had not we better have the 
 " dinner taken away, and the wine let upon the 
 *' table ?" To this the company gave an unanimous 
 aye. While this was doing, I afked my friend, \vith 
 feeming ferioufnefs, whether no part of the dinner 
 was to be fervcd up again, when the wine fhould be 
 fet upon the table ? Me fecmed furprized at my 
 
 quell ion,
 
 *,S LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 qucftion, and alked me if I was hungry? To which 
 I anfwered, no; but alked him in my turn if he was 
 dry ? To which he alfo anfwered, no. " Then pray," 
 replied I, " why not as well eat without being hungry, 
 " as drink without being dry?" My friend was fo 
 ftunned with this, that he attempted no reply, but 
 flared at me with as much aftonilhmem, as he would 
 have done at my great anceftor Adam, in his primi- 
 tive ftate of nature. 
 
 The cloth was now taken away, and the bottles, 
 glades, and difhclouts, put upon the table, when 
 Will Sitfaft, who I found was a perpetual toafi maker, 
 took the chair, of conrfe, as the man of application 
 to bufmefs. He began the king's heakh in a bumper, 
 which circulated in the fame manner, not without 
 iome nice examinations of the chairman as to day- 
 light. The bottle Handing by me, I was called 
 upon by the chairman, who added, that though a 
 water-drinker, he hoped I would not refufc that 
 health in wine. I begged to be excufed, and told 
 i;im that I never drank his majefty's heakh at all, 
 though no one of his fubjecls wifhed it more heartily 
 than I did ; that hitherto it had not appeared to me, 
 that there could be the leaft relation between the 
 wine I drank, and the king's ftate of health, and 
 that, till I was convinced that impairing my own 
 health would improve his Majefty's, I was refblved to 
 preierve the ufe of my faculties and my limbs, to 
 employ both in his fervice if he could ever have 
 occafion for them. I had forefeen the confequences 
 cf this reiufal, and, though my friend had anfwered 
 for my principles, I eafily difcoverecl an air of fufpicion
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXIX. 219. 
 in the countenances of the company, and I overheard 
 the colonel whifper to lord Feeble, " This author is 
 61 a very odd dog !" 
 
 My friend was amamed of me ; but however, to 
 help me off as well as he could, he faid to me aloud, 
 <( Mr. Fitz-Adam, this is one of thofe fingularities 
 *' which you have contradted by living fo much 
 " alone." From this moment, the company gave 
 me up to my oddnefies, and took no farther notice of 
 me. I leaned filently upon the table, waiting for, 
 though, to fay the truth, without expecting, fome of 
 that feftal gaiety, that urbanity, and that elegant 
 mirth, of which my friend had promifed fo large a 
 ihare ; inftead of all which, the converiation ran 
 chiefly into narrative, and grew duller and duller with 
 every bottle. Lord Feeble recounted his former 
 atchievements in love and wine ; the colonel com- 
 plained, though with dignity, of hardfliips and in- 
 juftice; fir George hinted at fome important dif- 
 coveries, which he had made that day ar court, but 
 cautiouQy avoided naming names -, fir Tunbelly flept 
 between glafs and gials ; the doctor and my friend 
 talked over college matters, and quoted Latin ; and 
 our worthy prefident applied himfclf wholly to buli- 
 nds, never fpeaking but to order, as, " Sir, the 
 " bottle ftands with you ; fir, you are to name a toaft -, 
 " that has been drunk already -, hi-rc, more claret !" 
 &c. In the height of all this convivial plealantry, 
 which I plainly taw was conic ro iis zenith, I jicie 
 away at about nine o'clock, arid went :'.o nc : where 
 reflections upon the entertainment of tiie d..y crowded 
 into my mind, and u-uypc.h.:;- ::, :hv* iubjccl of 
 iuture r.jr.
 
 *> LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 XXX. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 SATURDAY, Oct. 3, 1754. N 92. 
 
 THE entertainment, I do not fay the diverfion, 
 which I mentioned in my laft paper, tumbled 
 my imagination to fuch a degree, and fuggefted fuch 
 a variety of indiftinft ideas to my mind, that, not- 
 withftanding all the pains I took to fort and digeft, 
 I could not reduce, them to method. I fhall there- 
 fore throw them out in this paper without order, and 
 juft as they occurred to me. 
 
 When I confidered that, perhaps, two millions of 
 my fellow- fubjefts paffed two parts in three of their 
 fives in the very fame manner in which the worthy 
 members of my friend's club palled theirs, I was at a 
 lofs to difcover that attractive, irrefiftible, and in- 
 vifible charm, for I confefs I faw none, to which 
 they fo deliberately and affiduoufly facrificed their 
 time, their health, and their reafon , till, dipping ac- 
 cidentally into monfieur Pafcal, I read, upon the fub- 
 ject of hunting, the following pafiage. " What, un- 
 * e lefs to drown thought," fays that excellent writer, 
 " can make men throw away fo much time upon a 
 " filly animal, which they may buy much cheaper in 
 " the market ? It hinders us from looking into our- 
 " felves, which is a view we cannot bear/' That 
 this is often one motive, and fometimes the only one, 
 of hunting, I can eafily believe. But then it muft 
 be allowed too, that if the jolly fportfman, who thus 
 
 vigoroufly
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXX. i 
 vigoroufly runs away from himfelf, does not break 
 his neck in his flight, he improves his health, at 
 leaft, by his exercife. But what other motive caa 
 poffibly be afligned for the (baker's daily and fcrioufly 
 fwallowing his own deftruction, except that of 
 <e drowning thought, and hindering him from kx>k- 
 " ing into himfelf, which is a view he cannot bear ?" 
 
 Unhappy the man who cannot willingly and fre- 
 quently converfe with himfelf; but miferable in the 
 higheft degree is the man who dares not ! In one of 
 thefe predicaments muft that man be, who foaks and 
 fleeps away his ^ whole life. Either tired of himfelf 
 for want of any reflections at all, or dreading him- 
 felf for fear of the moil tormenting ones, he flies, for 
 refuge from his folly or his guilt, to the company 
 of his fellow-fufferers, and to the intoxication of 
 ftrong liquors. 
 
 Archbifhop Tillotfon afiferts, and very truly, that 
 no man can plead, in defence of fwearing, that he 
 was born of a fwearing conftitution. I believe the 
 fame thing may with equal truth be affirmed of drink- 
 ing. No man is bom a drinker. Drinking is an 
 acquired, not a natural, vice. The child, when he 
 firft taftes ftrong liquors, rejects them with evident 
 figns of difgult, but is infallibly brought firft to 
 bear, and then perhaps to like, them, by the folly 
 of his parents, who promife them as an encourage- 
 ment, and give them as a reward. 
 
 When the coroner's inqueft examines the body of 
 one of thofe unhappy wretches, who drown them- 
 felves in a pond or river, with commonly a provifion 
 of lead in their pockets to make the work the furer, 
 
 the
 
 222 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the verdict is either felo de fe, or lunatic. Is it then 
 the water, or the fnddennels of the plunge, that con- 
 ftitutes either the madncfs or the guilt of the act ? 
 is there any difference between a water and a wine 
 filicide ? If there be, it is evidently in favour of the 
 former, which is never fo deliberate and premeditated 
 as the latter. The foaker jogs on with a gentler pace 
 indeed, but to as fure and certain destruction, and, 
 as a proof of his intention, would, I believe, upon 
 examination, be generally found to have a good deal 
 of lead about him too. He cannot alledge in his de- 
 fence, that he has not warning, fmce he daily fees, 
 in the chronical diftempers of all his fellow- foakers, 
 the fatal effects of that flow poifon which he fo gree- 
 dily guzzles ; for I defy all thofe honeft gentlemen, 
 that is, all the hard drinkers in England, a nume- 
 rous body I doubt, to produce one fingle inftance of 
 a foaker, whofe health and faculties are not vifibly 
 impaired by drinking. Some indeed, born much 
 ftronger than others, hold it out longer, and are ab- 
 furdly quoted as living proofs even of the falutary 
 effects of drinking; but though they have not yet 
 any of the moft diftinguifhed characteriftics of their 
 profeflion about them, though they have not yet loft 
 one half of themfelves by a bemiplegia, nor the ufe 
 of all their limbs by the gout, though they are but 
 moderately mangy, and though the impending dropfy 
 may not yet appear, I will venture to' affirm, that the 
 health they boaft of is at beft but an awkward (late 
 between ficknefs and health : if they are not actually 
 fick, they are not actively well, and you will always 
 find fomc complaint or other inadvertently dropped 
 
 from
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXX. 223 
 from the triumphant foaker, within half an hour after 
 he has allured you that he is neither fick nor forry. My 
 wife, who is a little fuperftitious, and perhaps too 
 apt to point out and interpret judgements, otherwise 
 an excellent woman, firmly believes, that the dropfv, 
 of which mod ibakers finally die, is a manifeft and 
 juft judgement upon them-, the wine they fo much 
 loved being turned into water, and themfelves drowned 
 at laft in the element they fo much abhorred. 
 
 A rational and fober man, invited by the wit and 
 gaiety of good company, and hurried away by an 
 uncommon flow of fpirits, may happen to drink too 
 much, and perhaps accidentally to get drunk ; but 
 then thefe fallies will be fhort, and not frequent ; 
 whereas the foaker is an utter ftranger to wit and 
 mirth, and no friend to either. 
 
 His bufmefs is ferious, and he applies himielf 
 ferioufly to it; he fteadily purfues the numbing, 
 ftupifying, and petrifying, not the animating and ex- 
 hilarating, qualities of the wine. Gallons of the 
 Nepenthe would be loft upon him. The more he 
 drinks, the duller he grows ; his politics become more 
 obfcure, and his narratives more tedious and lefs in- 
 telligible ; till at laft maudlin, he employs what little 
 articulation he has left, in relating his doleful tale to 
 an infenfible audience. I fear my countrymen have 
 been too long noted for this manner of drinking, 
 fmcc a very old and eminent French hiftorian *", 
 fpeaking of the Englifh, who were then in poficfiion 
 of Aquitain, the promifed land of claret, fays, Us fe 
 
 * Froitflid. 
 
 faouhrent
 
 22 4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 faoulerent grandement, et fe diver tirent moult triftement 
 a la mod? de leurpdis.- 
 
 A very fkilful furgeon of my acquaintance allured 
 me, that, having opened the body of a SOAKER, who 
 died of an apoplexy, he had found all the finer tubes 
 and vefTels plugged up with the tartar of the wine he 
 had fwallowed, fo as to render the circulation of the 
 blood abfolutely impoffible, and the foJds of the' 
 ftomach fo ftiffened with it, that it could not perform 
 its functions. He compared the body of the de- 
 ceafed to a fiphon, fo choaked up with the tartar and 
 dregs of the wine that had run through it, as to be im- 
 pervious. 1 adopted this image, which feemed tome a 
 juft one, and I mail for the future typify the SOAKER by 
 the fiphon, faction being equally the bufmefs of both. 
 An obje.6t, viewed at once, and in its full extent, 
 will fometimes ftrike the mind, when the feveral parts 
 and gradations of it, feparately feen, would be but 
 little attended to. I mail therefore here prefent 
 the fociety of fiphons with a calculation, of which 
 they cannot difpute the truth, and will not, I believe, 
 deny the moderation ; and yet perhaps they will be 
 furprized when they fee the grofs fums of the wine ' 
 they fuck, of the money they pay for it, and of the 
 time they lofe, in the courfe of feven years only. 
 
 I reckon that I put a (launch fiphon very low, 
 when I put him only at two bottles a day, one with 
 another. This in feven years amounts to four thou- 
 fand four hundred and ten bottles *, which makes 
 twenty hogmeads and feventy bottles. 
 
 * This calculation is defective, the number of bottles drank in 
 that time amounting to 51 10. 
 
 I Suppofing
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, XXX. 225 
 
 Suppofmg this quantity to coll only four (hillings 
 a bottle, which I take to be the lowed price of ckirc-r, 
 the fum amcunts to eight hundred and eighty-two 
 pounds. 
 
 Allowing every fiphon but fix hours a day to fuck 
 his two bottles in, which is a Ihort allowance, that 
 time amounts to fix hundred and thirty-eight days, 
 eighteen hours j one full quarter of his life, for the 
 above-mentioned feven years. Can any rational being 
 coolly confider thefe three grofs fums, of wine, and 
 confequently di (tempers (wallowed, of money lavifhed, 
 and time loft, without fhame, regret, and a refolution 
 of reformation ? 
 
 I am well aware that the numerous fociety of 
 fiphons will fay, like fir Tunbelly, " What would 
 " this fellow have us do ?" To which I am at no 
 lofs for an anfwer. Do any thing elfe. Preferve 
 and improve that reafon, which was given you to be 
 your guide through this world, and to a better. At- 
 tend to, and difcharge, your religious, your moral, 
 and your focial duties. Thefe are occupations wor- 
 thy of a rational being, they will agreeably and ufe- 
 fully employ your time, and will banifh from your 
 brealls that tirefome liftlefihefs, or thofe tormenting 
 thoughts, from which you endeavour, though in 
 vain, to fly. Is your retrofpec! uncomfortable ? Ex- 
 ert yourfelvcs in time to make your profpect better; 
 and let the former ferve as a back-ground to the lat- 
 ter. Cultivate and improve your minds, according 
 to your icveral educations and capacities. There 
 are feveral ufeful books fuited to them all. True re- 
 ligion and virtue give a chearful and happy turn to 
 
 VOL. II. C the
 
 2z6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the mind, admit of all true pleafures, and even pro- 
 cure the true ft. 
 
 Cantabrigius drinks nothing but water, and rides 
 more miles in a year than the keeneft iportfman, and 
 with almoft equal velocity. The former keeps his 
 head clear, the latter his body in health. It is not 
 from himfelf that he runs, but to his acquaintance, 
 a fynonymous term for his friends. Internally fafe, 
 he feeks no fancluary from himfelf, no intoxication 
 for his mind. His penetration makes him difcover 
 and divert himfelf with the follies of mankind, which 
 his wit enables him to expofe with the trueft ridicule, 
 though always without peribnal offence. Chearful 
 abroad, becaufe happy at home 5 and thus happy, 
 becaufe virtuous ! 
 
 XXXI. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, Nov. 14,1754. N 98. 
 
 T T gives me great pleafure that I arn able, in this 
 * day's paper, to congratulate the polite part of my 
 feliow-fubjects of bo:h fexes, upon the fplendid re- 
 [ vival of that mod rational entertainment, an Italian 
 opera. Of late years it had feemed to ficken, fo that 
 1. greatly feared that the unfuccefsful efforts, which 
 it made-from time to time, were its convulfive and 
 expiring pangs. But it now appears, and indeed 
 much to the honor of this country, that we have ftill 
 
 too
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXX. XXXI. 227 
 too many prote&ors and protedlrefTes of the liberal 
 arts, to fuffer that of mufic, the moft liberal of them 
 all, to fink for want of due encouragement. 
 
 I am fenfible that Italian operas have frequently- 
 been the objects of the ridicule of many of our great- 
 eft wits; and, viewed in one light only, perhaps not 
 without fome reafon. But, as I confider all public 
 diverfions fingly with regard to the effects which 
 they may have upon the morals and manners of the 
 public, I confefs I relpecl: the Italian operas, as the 
 moft innocent of any. 
 
 The fevere monfieur Boileau juftly condemns the 
 French operas, the morals of which he calls, 
 
 " Morale lubrique 
 
 " Que Lully rechauffa des fons de fa mufique *." 
 
 But then it muft be confidered that French operas 
 are always in French, and confequently may be un- 
 derftood by many French people, and that they are 
 fine dramatic tragedies, adorned with all the graces 
 of poetry and harmony of founds, and may probably 
 infpire too tender, if not voluptuous, fentimerrts. 
 Can the Italian opera be accufed of any thing of this 
 kind ? Certainly not. Were what is called the poe- 
 try of it intelligible in itfelf, it would not be under- 
 ftood by one in fifty of a Britim audience : but I be- 
 lieve that even an Italian of common candor will 
 confefs, that he does not underftand one word of it. 
 It is not the intention of the thing ; for, mould the 
 ingenious author of the words, by miftake, put any 
 
 * BoilcuU Sat. x. K 141, 142. 
 
 Leflbns of licemio.ufnefs, which Lully (the founder of the French 
 operas) aniir.uted with the founds of his mafic. 
 
 Q^ 2 meaning
 
 2 *8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 meaning into them, he would, to a certain degree, 
 check and cramp the genius of the compofer of the 
 mufic, who perhaps might think himfelf obliged ro 
 adapt his founds to the fenfe : whereas now he is at 
 liberty to fcatter indifcriminately, among the kings, 
 queens, heroes, and heroines, his ADAGIOS, his ALLE- 
 GROS, his PATHETICS, his CHROMATICS, and his 
 JIGGS. It would allo have been a reftramt upon the 
 a&ors and adrefles, who might poflibly have at- 
 tempted to form their action upon the meaning of 
 their parts ; but as it is, if they do but feem, by 
 turns, to be angry and forry in the two firft ac~ls, 
 and very merry in the laft fcene of the laft, they arc 
 fure to meet with the deferved applaufe. 
 
 Signior Metaftafio attempted fome time ago a very 
 dangerous innovation. He tried gently to throw 
 fome fenfe into his operas ; but it did not take : the 
 confequences were obvious ; and nobody knew where 
 they would Hop. 
 
 The whole (kill and judgment of the poet now 
 confifts in felecting about a hundred words, for the 
 opera vocabulary does not exceed that number, that 
 terminate in liquids and vowels, and rhyme to each 
 other. Thefe words excite ideas in the hearer, 
 though they were not the refult of any in the poet. 
 Thus the word tortorella, ftretched out to a quaver 
 of a quarter of an hour, excites in us the ideas of 
 fender and faithful love ; but if it is fucceeded by na* 
 viceikiy that foothing idea gives way to the boiiterous 
 and horrid one of a fkiff, that is, a heart, tofied by 
 the winds and waves upon the main ocean of love. 
 The handcuffs and fetters in which the hero com- 
 mon rjr
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXI. 2-9 
 monly appears, at the end of the fecond, or begin- 
 ning of the third aft, indicate captivity , and when 
 properly jingled to a pathetic piece of recitative upon 
 quefti ceppi, are really very moving, and infpire a love 
 of liberty. Can any thing be more innocent, or more 
 moral, than this mufical pantomime, in which there 
 is not one indecent word or aclion, but where, on the 
 contrary, the mod generous fentiments are, however 
 imperfectly, pointed out and inculcated ? 
 
 I was once indeed afraid, that the licentioufnefs of 
 the times had infected even the opera : for in that 
 of Alexander, the hero going into the heroine's apart- 
 ment, found her taking a nap in an eafy-chair. 
 Tempted by fo much beauty, and invited by fo fa- 
 vourable an opportunity, he gently approached, and 
 ftole a pair of gloves. I confels, I dreaded the con- 
 fequences of this bold ftep ; and the more fo, as it 
 was taken by the celebrated fignior Senefino. But 
 all went off very well ; for the hero contented him- 
 felf with giving the good company a fong, in which 
 he declared the lips he had juft kitted were a couple 
 of rubies. 
 
 Another good effect of the Italian operas is, that 
 they contribute extremely to the keeping of good 
 hours ; the whole audience, though paflionately fond 
 of mufic, being fo tired before they are half, and fo 
 fleepy before they are quite, done, that they make 
 the beft of their way home, too drowfy to enter upon 
 frefh fpirits that night. 
 
 Having thus refcued thefe excellent mufical dramas 
 from the unjuft ridicule, which fome people of vulgar 
 and illiberal taftes have endeavoured to throw upon 
 
 them,
 
 jjo LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 them, I muft proceed, and do juftice to the virtuofo* 
 and virtuofas who perform them. But, I believe, it 
 will be neceffary for me to premife, for the fake of 
 many of my Englifh readers, that VIRTU among the 
 modern Italians fignifies nothing lefs than what VIRTUS 
 did among the ancient ones, or what VIRTUE fignifies 
 among; us ; on the contrary, I might fay that it fig- 
 nifies almofl: every thing elfe. Confequently thole 
 refpeclable titles of virtuofo and virtuofa have not the 
 lead relation to the moral characters of the parties. 
 They mean only that thole perfons, endowed fome by 
 nature, and fome by art, with good voices, have from 
 their infancy devoted their time and labor to the va- 
 rious combinations of feven notes: a fludy that mud 
 unqueftionably have formed their minds, enlarged 
 their notions, and have rendered them moft agreeable 
 and inftruclive companions ; and as fuch, I obferve 
 that they are juftly folicited, received, and cherimed, 
 by people of the firft diftindion. 
 
 As thefe illuftrious perlbnages come over here with 
 no fordid view of profit, but merely per far placer a 
 la nobilita Inglefe, that is, to oblige the Englifh no- 
 bility, they -are exceedingly good and condefcending 
 to fuch of the laid Englilh nobility, and even gentry, 
 as are defirous to contract an intimacy with them. 
 They will, for a word's fpeaking, dine, fnp, or pafs 
 the whole day, with people of a certain condition, 
 and perhaps fing or play, if civilly requefted. Nay, 
 I have known many of them fo good as to pafs two 
 or three months of the fummer at the country feats of 
 fome of their noble friends, and thereby mitigate the 
 horrors of the country and manlion-houfe, to my iady 
 
 and
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXI. 231 
 and her daughters. I have been allured by many 
 of their chief patrons and patronefTes, that they are 
 all the beft creatures in the world ; and from the time 
 of fignor Cavaliero Nicolini down to this day, I have 
 conftantly heard the feveral great performers, fuch as 
 Farinelli, Careftini, Monticelli, Gaffarielli, as well as 
 the fignore Cuzzoni, Fauflina,&c. much more praifed 1 
 for their affability, the gentlenefs of their manners, 
 and all the good qualities of the head and heart, than 
 for either their mufical fkill or execution. I have 
 even known thefe their focial virtues lay their pro- 
 tectors and protectreffes under great difficulties, how 
 to reward fuch diftinguiibed merit. But benefit- 
 nights luckily came in to their afiiftance, and gave 
 them an opportunity of infmuating, with all due re- 
 gard, into the hands of the performer, in lieu of a 
 ticket, a confiderable bank-bill, a gold fnuff-box, a 
 diamond ring, or fome fuch trifle. It is to be hoped, 
 that the illuftrious fignor Farinelli has not yet forgot 
 the many inftances he experienced of Britifh muni- 
 ficence : for it is certain that many private families 
 ft ill remember them. 
 
 All this is very well ; and I greatly approve of it, 
 as I am of tolerating and naturalizing principles. But 
 however, as the bed things may admit of improve- 
 ment by certain modifications, I mall now fugged 
 two-, the one of a public, the other of a private, na- 
 ture. I would by all means welcome thefe refpe&a- 
 ble guefts, but I would by no means part with them, 
 as is too foon and too often the cafe. 
 
 Some of them, when they have got ten or fifteen 
 thoufand pounds here, unkindly withdraw them- 
 
 ielves,
 
 232 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 felves, and purchafe eftates in land in their own coun- 
 tries -, and others are feduced from us, by the prefiing 
 invitations of fome great potentate to come over to fu- 
 perintend his pleafures, and to take a fhare in hiscoun- 
 fels. This is not only a great lofs to their particular 
 friends, the nobility and gentry, but to the nation in 
 general, by turning the balance of our mufical com- 
 merce considerably againft us. I would therefore 
 humbly propofe, that immediately upon the arrival of 
 thefe valuable ftrangers, a writ of ne exeat regnum 
 Ihould be iflued to keep them here. The other mo- 
 dification, which I beg leave to hint at only, it being 
 of a private nature, is, that no virtuofo, whofe voice 
 is below a contralto, ihall be taken to the country-feat 
 of any family whatsoever ; much lefs any (trapping 
 fiddler, baboon, or bals viol, who does not even pre- 
 tend to fing, or, if he does, fings a rough tenor or a 
 tremendous bafs. The confequences may be ferious, 
 "tut .at leaft the appearances are not edifying. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, Nov. 28, 1754. N JOG, 
 
 f HEARD the other day, with great pleafure, 
 
 - from my worthy friend Mr. Dodfley, that Mr. 
 
 Johnfon's Englifh dictionary, with a grammar and 
 
 hiltory of our language prefixed, will be publifhed 
 
 this winter, in two Urge volumes in folio. 
 
 I had
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXI. XXXII. 23-5 
 I had long lamented, that we had no lawful ftandard 
 of our language fet up, for thofe to repair to, who 
 might chufe to fpeak and write it grammatically and 
 correctly : and I have as long wimed that either fome 
 one perfon of diftinguifhed abilities would undertake 
 the work fmgly, or that a certain number of gentle- 
 men would form themfelves, or be formed by the 
 government, into a fociety for that purpofe. The 
 late ingenious doctor Swift propofed a plan of this 
 nature to his friend, as he thought him, the lord trea- 
 furer Oxford, but without fuccefs ; precifion and 
 perfpicuity not being in general the favourite objects 
 of minifters, and perhaps (till lefs fo of that minifter 
 than any other. 
 
 Many people have imagined, that fo extenfive a 
 work would have been bed formed by numbers of 
 peribns, who mould have taken their feveral depart- 
 ments, of examining, lifting, winnowing (I borrow 
 this image from the Italian Crufca), purifying, and 
 finally fixing our language, by incorporating their 
 refpective funds into one joint ftock. But, whether 
 this opinion be true or falfe, I think the public in 
 general, and the republic of letters in particular, 
 greatly obliged to Mr. Johnfon, for having undejp 
 taken and executed fo great and defireable a work. 
 Perfection is not to be expected from man ; but, if 
 we are to judge by the various works of Mr. John- 
 fon, already publifhed, we have good real on to be- 
 lieve, that he will bring this as rvar to perfection, 
 as any one man could do. The plan of it, which 
 he publifhed fome years ago, feems to me to be 
 a proof of it. Nothing can be more rationally 
 
 imagined,
 
 =34 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 imagined, or more accurately and elegantly expref- 
 led. 1 therefore recommend the previous perufal of 
 it to all thofe, who intend to buy the dictionary, and 
 who, I fuppole, are all thofe who can afford it. 
 
 The celebrated dictionaries of the Florentine and 
 French academies owe their preient fize and per- 
 ieetion to very imall beginnings. Some private gen- 
 tlemen at Florence, and fome at Paris, had met at 
 each other's houfes, to talk over and confider their 
 refpective languages : upon which they publifhed 
 ibme fhort eflays, which eflays were the embryos of 
 thofe perfect productions, that now do fo much 
 honor to the two nations. Even Spain, which feems 
 not to be the foil where, of late at Jeaft, letters have 
 cither profpered or been cultivated, has produced a 
 dictionary, and a good one too, of the Spanilh lan- 
 guage, in fix large volumes in folio. 
 
 I cannot help thinking it a fort of difgrace to our 
 nation, that hitherto we have had no fuch ftandard 
 of our language , our dictionaries at prefent being 
 more properly, what our neighbours the Dutch and 
 the Germans call theirs, word-books, than dictiona- 
 ries in the fuperior fenfe of that title. All words, 
 good and bad, are there jumbled indifcriminately to- 
 gether, infomuch that the injudicious reader may 
 fpeak, and write, as inelegantly, improperly, and vul- 
 garly, as he pleafes, by and with the authority of one 
 or other of our word-books. 
 
 It muft be owncrl that our language is at prefent 
 in a (late of anarchy , and hitherto, perhaps, it may 
 not have been the worfe for it. During our free 
 and open trade t many words and expreffions have 
 
 been
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXII. 235 
 been imported, adopted, 'and naturalized, from other 
 languages, which have greatly enriched our own. 
 Let it flill preferve what real ftrength and beauty it 
 may have borrowed from others ; but let it not, like 
 the Tarpeian maid, be overwhelmed and crufhed by 
 unnecefTary foreign ornaments. The time for dif- 
 crimination feems to be now come. Toleration, 
 adoption, and naturalization, have run their lengths. 
 Good order and authority are now necefTary. But 
 where mall we find them, and at the fame time the 
 obedience due to them ? We muft have recourle to 
 the old Roman expedient in times of confufion, and 
 chufe a dictator. Upon this principle, I give my 
 vote for Mr. Johnfon to fill that great and arduous 
 poll. And I hereby declare, that I make a total fur- 
 render of all my rights and privileges in the Engliih 
 language, as a free-born Britim fubjecT:, to the faid 
 Mr. Johnfon, during the term of his dictatorfhip. 
 Nay more , I will not only obey him, like an old 
 Roman, as my dictator, but, like a modern Roman, 
 I will implicitly believe in him as my pope, and hold 
 him to be infallible while in the chair ; but no lon- 
 ger. More than this he cannot well require ; for I 
 prefume that obedience can never be expecled, -A- hen 
 there is neither terror to enforce, nor intcrei. to 
 invite it. 
 
 I confcfs that I have fo much honed Englifh pride, 
 or perhaps prejudice, about me, as to thii.i; inyiVlf 
 more confiucrable for whatever contributes to the 
 honor, the advantage, or the ornamenr, of my native 
 country. I have therefore a lenlible pleafure in re- 
 fiefting upon the rapid progrefs, which our language 
 
 has.
 
 3 tf LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 has lately made, and dill continues to make, all over 
 Kurope. It is frequently fpoken, and almoft nni- 
 verfally underftood, in Holland , it is kindly enter- 
 tained as a relation in the moft civilized parts of Ger- 
 many; and it is ftudied as a learned language, though 
 yet Httle fpoke, by all thofe in France and Italy, who 
 cither have, or pretend to have, any learning. 
 
 The fpreading the French language over moft 
 parts of Europe, to the degree of making it almoft 
 an univerfal one, was always reckoned among the 
 glories of the reign of Lewis the fourteenth. But 
 be it remembered, that the fuccefs of his arms firft 
 opened the way to it ; though at the fame time it 
 niuft be owned, that a great number of moft excel- 
 lent authors, who flourifhed in his time, added 
 ilrength and velocity to its progrefs. Whereas our 
 language has made its way fingly by its own weight 
 and merit, under the conduct of thofe leaders, Shake- 
 Ipear, Bacon, Milton, Locke, Newton, Swift, Pope, 
 Addifon, &c. A nobler fort of conqueft, and a far 
 more glorious triumph, fince graced by none but 
 willing captives ! 
 
 Thefe authors, though for the moft part but in- 
 differently translated into foreign languages, gave 
 other nations a fample of the Britifh genius. The 
 copies, imperfect as they were, pleafed and excited a 
 general defire of feeing the originals ; and both our 
 authors and our language foon became clafiical. 
 
 But a grammar, a dictionary, and a hiftory of our 
 language, through its feveral ftnges, were ft ill wanting 
 at home, and importunately called for from abroad. 
 Mr. Johnfon's labors will now, and, I dare fay, very 
 
 fully,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXII. 237 
 fully, fupply that want, and greatly contribute to the 
 farther fpreading of our language in other countries. 
 Learners were discouraged by finding no flandard to 
 refort to, and confequently thought it incapable of 
 any. They %vill be undeceived and encouraged. 
 
 There are many hints and confiderations relative to 
 our language, which I fhould have taken the liberty 
 of fuggefting to Mr. Johnfon, had I not been con- 
 vinced that they have equally occurred to him : but 
 there is one, and a very material one it is, to which 
 perhaps he may not have given all the neceffary at- 
 tention. I mean the genteeler part of our language, 
 wh'.ch owes both its rile and progrefs to my fair coun- 
 trywomen, whofe natural turn is more to the copiouf- 
 nefs, than to the correction of diclion. I would IH>C 
 advife him to be ra(h enough to profcribe any of thofe 
 happy redundancies, and luxuriancies of exprefliou, 
 with which they have enriched our language. They 
 willingly inflict fetters, but very unwillingly fubmit 
 to wear them. In this cafe the tafk will be l~o dif- 
 ficult, that I defign, as a common friend, to propofe 
 in fome future paper, the means which appear to me 
 the moft likely to reconcile matters. 
 
 P. S. I hope that none of my courteous readers 
 wiU upon this occafion be fo uncourteous, as to 
 iufpedt me of being a hired and interefted puff of 
 this work; for I molt folemnly proteft, that neither 
 Mr. Johnfon, jior any perlbn employed by him, nor 
 any bookfeller or bookfdlers concerned in the fuccefs 
 of it, have ever offered me the ufual compliment of 
 a pair of gloves or a bottle of v, ine : nor has even 
 
 Mr.
 
 23 S LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 Mr. Dodfley, though my publilher, and, as I am in- 
 formed, deeply interefted in the fale of this dictionary, 
 fo much as invited me to take a bit of mutton with, 
 him. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 SATURDAY, Dec. 5, 1754. N 101. 
 
 WHEN I intimated in my laft paper fome dif- 
 truft of Mr. Johnfon's complaifance to the 
 fairer part of his readers, it was becaufe I had a 
 greater opinion of his impartiality and feverity as a 
 judge, than of his gallantry as a fine gentleman. 
 And indeed I am well aware of the difficulties he 
 would have to encounter, if he attempted to recon- 
 cile the polite with the grammatical part of our 
 language. Should he, by an aft of power, banifh 
 and attaint many of the favourite words and expref- 
 fions, with which the ladies have (o profufely en- 
 riched our language, he would excite the indigna- 
 tion of the moft formidable, becaufe the moft lovely, 
 part of his readers : his dictionary would be con- 
 demned as a fyftem of tyranny, and he himfelf, like 
 the laft Tarquin, run the rifque of being depofed. 
 So popular and fo powerful is the female caufe ! On 
 the other hand, mould he, by an act of grace, ad- 
 mit, legitimate, and incorporate into our language, 
 thofe words and expreffions, which, haftily begot, 
 
 owe
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXII. XXXIII. 259 
 owe their birth to the incontinency of female elo- 
 quence ; what fevere cenfures might he not juftly ap- 
 prehend from the learned part of his readers, who 
 do not underftand complaifances of that nature ! 
 
 For my own part, as I am always inclined to plead 
 the caufe of my fair fellow-fubjects, I (hall now take 
 the liberty of laying before Mr. Johnibn thofe ar- 
 guments, which upon this occafion may be urged in 
 their favour, as introductory to the compromife 
 which I (hall humbly o.Ter and conclude with. 
 
 Language is indifputably the more immediate pro- 
 vince of the fair fex : there they fhine, there they 
 excel. The torrents of their eloquence, eipecially in 
 the vituperative way, (tun all oppofition, and bear 
 away, in one promifcuous heap, nouns, verbs, moods, 
 and tenfes. If words are wanting, which indeed 
 happens but feldom, indignation inftantly makes new 
 ones ; and I have often known four or five fyllables, 
 that never met one another before, haftily and for- 
 tuitoufly jumbled into fome word of mighty import. 
 
 Nor is the tender part of our language lefs obliged 
 to that foft and amiable fex ; their love being at 
 lead as productive as their indignation. Should they 
 lament in an involuntary retirement the abfence of 
 the adored object, they give new murmurs to the 
 brook, new founds to the echo, and new notes to the 
 plaintive Philomela. But when this happy copiouf- 
 nefs Mows, as it often does, into gentle numbers, 
 good gods ! how is the poetical diction enriched, and 
 the poetical licence extended ! Even in common con- 
 verfation, I never ice a pretty mouth opening to 
 fptjtik, but I expert, and am kldom dilappoirued, 
 
 ibrue
 
 24 o L O K D C H E S T E R F I E L D ' S 
 fome new improvement of our language. I remem- 
 ber many expreflive words coined in that fair mint. 
 I affifted at the birth of that mod fignificant word 
 FLIRTATION, which dropped from the moil beautiful 
 mouth in the world, and which has fince received the 
 fanction of our moft accurate Laureat in one of his 
 comedies. Some inattentive and undifcerning peo- 
 ple have, I know, taken it to be a term fynonymous 
 with coquetry ; but I lay hold of this opportunity to 
 undeceive them, and eventually to inform Mr. John- 
 Ion, that flirtation is fliort of coquetry, and intimates 
 only the firft hints of approximation, which fubfe- 
 quent coquetry may reduce to thofe preliminary ar- 
 ticles, that commonly end in a definitive treaty. 
 
 I was alfo a witnels to the rife and progrefs of 
 that moft important verb, TO FUZZ ; which, if not 
 of legitimate birth, is at leaft of fair extraction. As 
 I am not fure that it has yet made its way into Mr. 
 Johnfon's literary retirement, I think myfelf obliged 
 to inform him that it is at prefent the moft ufeful 
 and the moft uied word in our language ; fince it 
 means no lefs than dealing twice together with the 
 fame pack of cards, for luck's fake, at whift. 
 
 Not contented with enriching our language by 
 words abfolutely new, my fair countrywomen have 
 gone ftill farther, and improved it by the application 
 and extenfion of old ones to various and very dif- 
 ferent fignifications. They take a word and change 
 it, like a guinea into millings for pocket-money, to 
 be employed in the feveral occafional purpofes of the 
 day. For inftance, the adjective 13 aft and its adverb 
 uqflly mean any thing, and are the faihionable words 
 
 of
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXllI. 241 
 of the molt famionable people. A fine woman, un^ 
 der this head I comprehend all fine gentlemen too, 
 not knowing in truth where to place them properly, 
 is vaftfy obliged, or vaftly offended, vaftly glad, or 
 'vaflly forry. Large objects are Daftly great, fmall 
 ones are vaftly little , and I had lately the pleafure to 
 hear a fine woman pronounce, by a happy metonymy, 
 a very fmall gold muff-box that was produced in com- 
 pany to be yaftly pretty, becaufe it was vaftly little. 
 Mr. Johnfon will do well to confider ferioufly to what 
 degree he will reftrain the various and extenfive figni- 
 fications of this great word. 
 
 Another very material point dill remains to be con- 
 fidered ; I mean the orthography of our language, 
 which is at prefent very various and unfettled. 
 
 We have at prefent two very different orthographies, 
 the pedantic, and the polite; the one founded upon 
 certain dry crabbed rules of etymology and grammar, 
 the other fingly upon the juftnefs and delicacy of the 
 ear. I am thoroughly perftiaded that Mr. Johnfon 
 wijl endeavour to eftablilh the former ; and I perfectly 
 agree with him, provided it can be quietly brought 
 about. Spelling, as well as mafic, is better per- 
 formed by book, than merely by the ear, which may 
 be varioufly affected by the fame founds. I therefore 
 mod earneftly recommend to my fair countrywomen, 
 and to their faithful orfaithlefs fervants, the fine gentle- 
 men of this realm, to furrender, as well for their own 
 private as for the public utility, all their natural rights 
 and privileges of mif-fpelling, which they have fo long 
 enjoyed, and fo vigoroufly exerted. I have really 
 known very fatal confequences attend that loofe and 
 
 VOL. II. li yn certain.
 
 j 42 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 uncertain practice of auricular orthography , of which' 
 I (hall produce two inftances as a fufficient warning. 
 A very fine gentleman wrote a very harmlefs inno- 
 cent letter to a very fine lady, giving an account of 
 ibme trifling commiflions, which he had executed ac- 
 cording to her orders. This letter, though directed 
 to the lady, was, by the miflake of a fervant, deli- 
 vered to, and opened by, her hufband ; who, find- 
 ing all his attempts to underfland it unfuccefsful, 
 took it for granted that it was a concerted cypher, 
 tinder which a criminal correfpondence, not much to 
 his own honor or advantage, was fecretly carried on. 
 With the letter in his hand, and rage in his heart, he 
 went immediately to his wife, and reproached her in 
 the mofl injurious terms with her fuppofed infidelity. 
 The lady, conicious of her own innocence, calmly 
 requefted to fee the grounds of fo unjuft an accufa- 
 ~tion; and, being accuftomed to the auricular ortho- 
 graphy, made fhift to read to her incenfed hufband 
 the moil inofFenfive letter that ever was written. The 
 hufband was undeceived, or at leaft wife enough to 
 feem fo ; for in fuch cafes one muft not peremptorily 
 decide. However, as fudden impreffions are generally- 
 pretty flrong, he has been obferved to be more fufpi- 
 cious ever fmce. 
 
 The other accident had much worfe confequences. 
 Matters were happily brought, between a fine gentle- 
 man and a fine lady, to the decifive period of an ap- 
 pointment at s. third place. The place where is al- 
 ways the lover's bufinefs, the time when the lady's. 
 Accordingly an impatient and rapturous letter froin 
 the lover fignmed to the lady the houfe and ftreet 
 
 where ->
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXllf. 24] 
 kvhere i to which a tender anfwer from the lady af- 
 fented, and appointed the time when. But unfor- 
 tunately, from the uncertainty of the lover's auricular 
 orthography, the lady miftook both houfe and itreet, 
 \vas conveyed in a hackney-chair to a wrong one, and 
 in the hurry and agitation, which ladies are fometimes 
 in upon thefe occafions, rumed into a houfe where 
 the happened to be known, and her intentions con* 
 lequently difcovered. In the mean time the lover- 
 parTed three or four hours at the right place, in the 
 alternate agonies of impatient and difappointed love, 
 tender fear, and anxious jealoufy. 
 
 Such examples really make one tremble ; and will, 
 I am convinced, determine my fair fellow- fubj eels 
 and their adherents to adopt, and fcrupuloufly con- 
 form to, Mr. Johnfon's rules of true orthography by- 
 book. In return to this conceffion, I ferioufly advife 
 him to publifh, by way of appendix to his great work, 
 a genteel Neological dictionary, containing thofe po- 
 lite, though perhaps not ftrictly grammatical, words 
 and phrafes, commonly ufed, and fometimts under- 
 flood, by the beau monde. By fuch an ad of tolera- 
 tion, who knows but he may, in time, bring them 
 within the pale of the Englifh language ? The bed 
 Latin dictionaries have commonly a Ihort fupple- 
 mental one annexed, of the obfolete and barbarous 
 Latin words, which pedants fometimes borrow to 
 mew their erudition. Surely then my country- 
 women, the enrichers, the patronefles, and the har- 
 monizers of our language, deferve greater indulgence. 
 I mutt alfo hint to Mr. Johnfon, that fuch a fmr.il 
 fuppkmental dictionary will contribute infinitely to 
 R a the
 
 344 . L O R D C H E S T E R F 1 E L 1) ' S 
 the fale of the great one ; and I make no queflion 
 but that, under the protection of that little work, the 
 great one will be received in the genteeleft houfes. 
 We fhall frequently meet with it in ladies drefling- 
 rooms, lying upon the harpfichord, together with th 
 knotttng-bag, and fignor Di-Giardino's incomparable 
 concertos ; and even fometimes in the powder-rooms 
 of our young nobility, upon the fame fhelf with their 
 German flute, their powder-mafk, and their four- 
 horfe-whip. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, January 2, 1755. N 105* 
 
 AS I am defirous of beginning the new year 
 well, I fhall devote this paper to the fervice of 
 my fair countrywomen, for whom I have fo tender a 
 concern, that I examine into their conduct with a 
 kind of parental vigilance and affection. I fmcerely 
 vviQi to approve, but at the fame time am determined' 
 to admonifh and reprimand whenever, for their fakes, 
 1 may think it necefiary. I will nor, as far as in me 
 lies, fuffer the errors of their minds to difgface thofc 
 beautiful dwellings in which they are lodged ; nor 
 will I, on the other hand, filently and quietly allow the 
 affectation and abuie of their perfons, to reflect con- 
 tempt and ridicule upon their underftandings. 
 
 Native, artlefs beauty has long been the peculiar 
 
 tiiftinction of my fair fellow-fubjects. Our poets have 
 
 '6 long
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXIII. XXXIV. 24 
 iong fung their genuine lilies and rofes, and our 
 painters have long endeavoured, though in vain, to 
 imitate them : beautiful nature mocked all their art. 
 But I am now informed by perfons of unqueftioned 
 truth and fagacity, and indeed I haveobferved but too 
 many inftances of it myfelf, that a great number of 
 thofe ineftimable originals, by a ft range inverfion of 
 things, give the lie to their poets, and fervilely copy 
 their painters -, degrading and difguifing themfelves 
 into worle copies of bad copies of themfelves. It is 
 even whifpered about town of that excellent artift, 
 Mr. Liotard *, that he lately refufed a fine woman to 
 draw her picture, alledging that he never copied any 
 body's works but his own and GOD ALMIGHTY'S. 
 
 I have taken great pains to inform myfelf of the 
 growth and extent of this heinous crime of felf- 
 painting, I had almoft given it a harder name, and I 
 am lorry to fay, that I have found it to be extremely 
 epidemical. The prefent flate of it, in its feveral 
 degrees, appears to be this. 
 
 The inferior clafs of women, who always ape their 
 betters, make ufe of a fort of rough caft, little fu- 
 perior to the common lath and plaifter, which comes 
 very cheap, and can be afforded out of the cafual 
 profits of the evening. 
 
 The clafs immediately above thefe, paint occa- 
 fionally, either in fizs or oil, which, at fixpence per 
 foot fquare, comes within a moderate weekly al- 
 lowance. 
 
 * A celebrated limner in crayons, very faithful to nature; \vlto 
 ahcr having travelled in feveral parts of the world, and received great 
 rncouragcrrncHt in England, is now retired to his o.\vn country 
 Geneva. 
 
 R 3
 
 246 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 The generality of women of fafhion make ufe of 4 
 fuperfine ftucco, or plaifter of Paris highly glazed, 
 which does not require a daily renewal, and will, with 
 fame flight occafional repairs, lad 35 Iqng as their 
 curls, and fland a pretty ftrong collifion. 
 
 As for the tranfcendent and divine powder, with an 
 exquifite varnifh fuperinduced to fix it, it is by no 
 means common, but is referved for the ladies not 
 only of the firft rank, but of the mod confiderable 
 fortunes ; it being fo very coftly, that few pin- monies 
 can keep a face in it, as a face of condition ought tq 
 be kept. Perhaps the fame number of pearls whole,, 
 might be more acceptable to fome lovers, than in 
 powder upon the lady's face. 
 
 J would now fain undeceive my fair countrywomen 
 of an error, which, grofs as it is, they too fondly en- 
 tertain. They flatter themfelves that this artificial 
 is not difcoverable, or diftinguimable, from native, 
 white. But I beg leave tq afTure them, that, how- 
 ever well-prepared the color may be, or however 
 fkilful the hand that lays it on, it is immediately dif- 
 covered by the eye at a confiderable diftance, and by 
 the nofe upon a nearer approach ; and I over-heard 
 the other day at the coiiee-houfe captain Phdim 
 M c Manus complaining, that when warm upon the 
 f^ce it had the moft naufeous tafte imaginable. Thus 
 pfFenlive to three of the fenfes, it is not, probably, very 
 jnviting to a fourth. 
 
 Talking upon this fubjcct lately with a friend, he 
 faid, that, in his opinion, a woman \vho painted white 
 gave the public a pledge of her chaftity, by fortify- 
 ing it with a wall, which (he muft be fure that no 
 
 3 .
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXIV. 247 
 man would defire either to batter or fcgle. But, I 
 confefs, I did not agree with him as to the motive, 
 though I did as to the confequences , which are, I 
 believe, in general, that they lofe both operam ft 
 oleum. I have obferved that many of the fagacious 
 landlords of this great metropolis, who lett lodgings, 
 do, at the beginning of the winter, new vamp, paint 
 and ftucco the fronts of their houfes, in order to catch, 
 the eyes of paffengers, and engage lodgers. Now, to 
 fay the truth, I cannot help fufpecting that this is 
 rather the real motive of my fair countrywomen, 
 when they thus incruft themfelves. But alas ! thofe 
 outwaTrd repairs will never tempt people to inquire 
 within. The cafes are greatly different ; in the former 
 they both adorn and preferve, in the latter they dif- 
 guft and deftroy. 
 
 In order therefore to put an effectual flop to this 
 enormity, and lave, as far as I am able, the native 
 carnations, the eyes, the teeth, the breath, and the 
 reputations, of my beautiful fellow-fubjecls ; I here 
 give notice, that, if, within one kalendar month from 
 the date hereof, I allow that time for the confumption 
 of ftock in hand, I mall receive any authentic tefti- 
 monies, and I have my fpies abroad, of this fophifti- 
 cation and adulteration of the faireft works of na- 
 ture, I arn refolved to publilh at full-length the 
 names of the delinquents. This may perhaps at firft 
 fight leem a bold meafure, and actions of fcandal 
 and defamation may be thought of : but I go upon 
 fafe ground ; for, before I took this refolution, I was 
 determined to know all the worft poftible confequences 
 pf it to myfelf, and therefore confuked one of the 
 R 4 moft
 
 4 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 mod eminent council in England, an old acquain- 
 tance and friend of mine, whofe opinion I ihall here 
 molt faithfully relate. 
 
 When I had flared my cafe to him as clearly as I 
 was able, he ftroaked his chin for fome time, picked 
 his nofe, and hemmed thrice, in order to give me his 
 Very bed opinion. " By publishing the names at full- 
 " length in your paper, I humbly conceive," faid he, 
 " that you avoid all the troubleibme confequences of 
 " innuendo*. But the prelent queftion, if I appre- 
 " hend it aright, feems to be, whether you may there- 
 " by be liable to any other action, or actions, which, 
 " for brevity fake, 1 will not here enumerate. Now, 
 " by what occurs to me off-hand, and without con- 
 lc fulting my books, I humbly apprehend that no 
 " aclion will lie againft you : but, on the contrary, I 
 " do conceive, and indeed take upon me to affirm, 
 " that you may proceed againft thefe criminals, for 
 " fuch I will be bold to call them, either by action 
 " or indictment ; the crime being of a public and a 
 " heinous nature. Here is not only the fuppreffio 
 " veri, which is highly penal, but the crimen falfi too. 
 "An aftion popular, or of qui tarn, would certainly 
 "lie-, but however I mould certainly prefer an iri- 
 " dictment upon the ftatines of forgery, 2 Geo. II. 
 " cap. 25. and 7 Geo. II. cap. 22 : for forgery, I 
 " maintain it, it is. The fact, as you well know, will 
 " be tried by a jury, of whom one moiety will cloubt- 
 " lefs be phifterers; fo that it will unquellionaMy 
 <f be found." Here my council paufed for fome 
 time, and hemmed pretty often ; however, I remained 
 fiient, obferving plainly by his countenance that he 
 
 had
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, xxxiv. 249 
 
 had not finimed, but was thinking on. In a little 
 time he relumed his difcourfe, and laid, " All things 
 * confidered, Mr. Fitz-Adam, I would advife you to 
 " bring your indictment upon the Black Aft ! , 9 Geo. I. 
 " cap. 22. which is a very fine penal ftatute." I con- 
 fefs I could not check the fudden impulfe of furprize, 
 which this occafioned in me, and interrupting him 
 perhaps too haftily, " What, fir," faid I, u indict a wo- 
 " man upon the Black Aft for painting white ?" Here 
 my council, interrupting me in his turn, faid with 
 fome warmth, " Mr. Fitz-Adam, Mr. Fitz-Adam, 
 " you, like too many others, have not diffidently con- 
 " fidered all the beauty, good fenfe, and folid reafon- 
 " ing, of the law. The law, fir, let me tell you, abhors 
 u all refinements, fubtlcties, and quibblings upon 
 " words. What is black or white to the law ? Do 
 *' you imagine that the law views colors by the rule of 
 " optics ? No, God forbid it mould. The law 
 <c makes black white, or white black, according to 
 tc the rules of juflice. The law confiders the mean- 
 " ing, the intention, the quo ammo of all actions, not 
 " their external modes. Here a woman difguifes her 
 " face with white, as the Waltham people did with 
 " black, and with the fame fraudulent and felonious 
 " intention. Though the color be different, the guilt 
 " is the fame in the intendment of the law. It is 
 " felony without benefit of clergy, and the punifliment 
 " is death." As I perceived that my friend had now 
 done, I afkeci his pardon for the improper interruption 
 I had given him, owned myfclf convinced, and of- 
 fered him a fee, which he took by habit, but foon re- 
 turned,
 
 ' 25 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 turned, by reflecting upon our long acquaintance and 
 friendlhip. 
 
 This, I hope, will be fufficient to make fuch of my 
 fair countrywomen as are confcious of their guilt, 
 ferioufly confider their danger ; though perhaps, from 
 my natural lenity, I fhall not proceed againfl them 
 with the utmoft rigor of the law, nor follow the 
 example of the ingenious author of our laft mufical 
 drama, who firings up a whole row of Penelope's maids 
 of honor. I mail therefore content mytelf with pub- 
 liming the names of the delinquents as above- 
 mentioned ; but others may poffibly not have the 
 fame indulgence ; and the law is open for all. 
 
 I fhall conclude this paper with a word or two of 
 ferious advice to all my readers, of all forts and fexes. 
 Let us follow nature, our honeft and faithful guide, 
 and be upon our guard againft the flattering delu- 
 lions of art. Nature may be helped and improved, 
 but will not be forced or changed. All attempts in 
 direct oppofition to her are attended with ridicule, 
 many /with guilt. The woman, to whom nature has, 
 denied beauty, in vain endeavours to make it by art , 
 as the man, to whom nature has denied wit, becomes 
 ridiculous by the affectation of it : they both defeat; 
 their own purpofes, and are in the cafe of the valetu- 
 dinarian, who creates or increafes his diftempers by 
 his remedies, and dies of his immoderate defire to, 
 live. 
 
 XXXV.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXIV. XXXV. 
 
 XXXV. 
 THE WORLD, 
 
 THURSDAY, Feb. 13, 1755. N 
 
 T T is very well known that religion and politics arc 
 -*- perfectly underftood by every body, as they re- 
 quire neither (ludy nor experience. All people there- 
 fore decide peremptorily, though often varioufly, 
 upon both. 
 
 All feels, feverally fure of being in the right, in- 
 timate, at leaft, if not denounce, damnation to thofc 
 who differ from them, in points fo clear, fo plain, 
 and fo obvious. On the other hand, the infidel, 
 not lefs an enthufiaft than any of them, though upon 
 his own principles he cannot damn, becaufe Jie knows 
 to demonstration that there is no future ftate, would 
 very gladly hang, as hypocrites or fools, the whole 
 body of believers. 
 
 In politics, the fefts are as various and as warm : 
 and what feems very extraordinary, is, that thofe who 
 have ftadied them the mod, and experienced them 
 the longed, always know them the leaft. Every ad- 
 miniftration is in the wrong, though they have the 
 clue and fecret of bufmefs in their hands ; and not 
 lets than fix millions of their fellow-fubjects, for I 
 only except very young children, are willing and able 
 fo difcover, cenfure, reform, and correct, their errors, 
 and put them in the right way. 
 
 Thcfe confiderations, among many others, de- 
 termined me originally not co meddle with religion 
 
 or
 
 s$z LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 or politics, in which I could not instruct, and upon 
 
 which I thought it not decent to trifle. 
 
 Entertainment alone muft be the object of an hum- 
 ble weekly author of a fheet and a half. A certain 
 degree of bulk is abfolutely necefiary for a certain 
 degree of dignity, either in man or book. A fyftem 
 of ethics, to be refpecled as it ought, requires at kaft 
 a quarto; and even moral eflays cannot decently, 
 and with utility, appear in lefs than a thick octavo.- 
 J3ut fhould I, in my ignoble (late of a fugitive fheet 
 and a half, prefume with a grave face to cenfure 
 folly, or with an angry one to lafii vice, the porter 
 of every well-bred family in town would have orders 
 to deny me ; and I mould forfeit my place at the 
 breakfaft-table, where now, to my great honor and 
 emolument, I am pretty generally ferved up. But 
 if, by the introduction of that wit and humor, which 
 1 believe my enemies muft allow me, I can without 
 offence to the politer part of my readers Hide in any 
 ufeful moral, I will not neglect the opportunity : for 
 J will be witty whenever I can, and inftructive when- 
 ever I dare ; and when my fcattered leaves fhalJ, 
 like the Sibyls, come to be collected, I believe, I 
 may without vanity aflert, that they will be, at leaft, 
 as good cracks. 
 
 But in this defign too I am aware of difficulties, 
 little inferior to thole which ciifcouraged me from 
 meddling with religion and politics : for every body 
 .has wit and. humour, and many have more of both 
 than they, or at leaft their friends, know what to do 
 with. As they are gifcs of nature, not to be ac- 
 quired by art, who is there that thiuks himfelf fo dif- 
 
 inherited
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXV. 253 
 inherited by nature as not to have fame ihare of 
 them ? Nay, thofe, if fuch there are, who are mo- 
 del! enough to think themfelves cut off with a fhil- 
 ling, hufband that twelve-pence with care, and fru- 
 gally fpend their penny upon occafion, as fly wags, 
 and dry jokers. 
 
 In this univerfal profufion, this prodigious plenty 
 of wit and humour, I cannot help diftrufting a little 
 the fuccefs, though by no means the merit, of my 
 own : for I have interior conviction, that no man in 
 England has fo much. But taftes are various, and 
 the market is glutted. However, I mould hope that 
 my candki readers will have the fame regard for my 
 opinion, which they have for moil of the opinions 
 they entertain ; that is, that they will take it upon 
 trull, efpecialiy as they have it from the gentleman's 
 cnon mouth. 
 
 The better to take my meafures for the future* I 
 Ivave endeavoured to trace the progrefs and reception 
 of my paper through the fevcral clafles of its 
 readers. 
 
 In families of condition, it is firft received by the 
 porter, who, yawning, juft calls his half-open eyes 
 upon it, for it comes out fo early as between ten 
 and eleven ; but, finding neither the politics nor the 
 cafualties of the week in it, throws it afide, and takes 
 up in its Head a daily news-paper,- in which all thofe 
 matters are related with truth and perfpicuity. 
 
 From thence it is fent up to Mrs. Betty, to lay 
 upon the breakfaft-table. She receives it in pretty 
 much the fame manner, finds it deficient in point of 
 news, and lays it down in exchange for the Daily- 
 
 Advci tiler,
 
 54 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Advertifer, where me turns with impatience to thd 
 advertifements, to fee what invitations are thrown out 
 by fingle gentlemen of undoubted characters, to 
 agreeable young women of unblemimed reputations, 
 to become either their wives or their companions. 
 And, by a prudent forecaft, me particularly attends 
 to the premiums fo frequently offered for a fine 
 wholefome bread of milk. 
 
 When it is introduced into my lady's dreffing- 
 room, it undergoes a feverer examination : for, if my 
 lord and lady ever meet, it is then and there. The 
 youngeft, probably, of the young ladies is appointed 
 to read it aloud, to ufe her to read at fight. If my 
 lord, who is a judge of wit, as well as of property, 
 in the laft refort, gives a favourable nod, and fays, 
 it is well enough to-day, my lady, who does not care 
 to contradict him in trifles, pronounces it to be charm- 
 ing. But if unfortunately my lord, with an air of 
 diftafte, calls it poor fluff* my lady difcovers it to be 
 horridly ftupid. The young family are unanimoufly 
 of opinion, that the name of Adam Fitz-Adam is a 
 very comical one, and enquire into the meaning of 
 the globe in the frontifpiece ; by which, if any body 
 could tell them, they might get a pretty notion of 
 geography. 
 
 In families of an inferior clafs, I meet with a ful- 
 ler, though perhaps not a more favourable, trial. 
 My merits and demerits are freely difcufled. Some 
 think me too grave, others trifling. The rniftrefs 
 of the houfc, though fhe detefts icandal, wifhes, for 
 example's fake only, that I would draw the charac- 
 ters, and cxpofe the intrigues, of the fine folks. 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXV. 2 # 
 The mafter wonders that I do not give the minifters 
 a rap ; and concludes that I receive hufh-money. But 
 all agree in faying facetioully and pleafantly enough, 
 that the WORLD does not inform them how the 
 WORLD goes. This is followed by many other 
 bons mots, equally ingenious, alluding to the title of 
 my paper, and worth at lead the two-pence a week 
 that it cofts. 
 
 In the city, for my paper has made its way to that 
 end of the town upon the fuppofition of its being a 
 fafhionable one in this, I am received and confidered 
 in a different light. All my general reflexions upon 
 the vices or the follies of the age are, by the ladies, 
 fuppofed to be levelled at particular perfons, or at 
 leaft difcovered to be very applicable to fuch and 
 fuch of the QUALITY. They are alfo thought to be 
 very pat to feveral of their own neighbours and ac- 
 quaintance ; and fhrewd hints of the kind gready 
 embellifh the converfation of the evening. The 
 graver and more frugal part of that opulent metro- 
 polis, who do not themfelves buy, but borrow my 
 paper of thofe who do, complain that, though there 
 is generally room lufficient at the end of the lad 
 page, I never infert the price of (locks nor of goods 
 at Bear-key. And they are every one of them 
 aftonifhed how certain tranfaftions of the court of 
 aldermen on one hand, and of the common-council 
 on the other, can poffibly efcape my animadverfion, 
 fince it is impoffible that they can have efcaped my 
 knowledge. 
 
 Such are the cenfures and difficulties, to which a 
 poor weekly author is expofcd. However, I have 
 
 the
 
 t S 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the pleafure, and fomething more than the pleafure, 
 of finding that two thoufand of my papers are circu- 
 lated weekly. This number exceeds the largeft that 
 was ever printed even of the Spectators, which in no 
 other refpecl do I pretend to equal. Such extraor- 
 dinary fuccefs would be fufficient to flatter the vanity 
 of a good author, and to turn the head of a bad one. 
 But I prudently check and ftifle thofe growing fenti- 
 ments in my own breaft, by reflecting upon the other 
 circumftances that tend to my humiliation. I muft 
 confefs that the prefent fafhion of curling the hair has 
 proved exceedingly favourable to me : and perhaps 
 the quality of my paper, as it happens to be peculiarly 
 adapted to that purpofe, may contribute, more than 
 its merit, to the fale of it. A head that has taken a 
 right French turn, requires, as I am allured, fourfcore 
 curls in diftinct papers, and thofe curls muft be re- 
 newed as often as the head is combed, which is per- 
 haps once a month. Four of my papers are fufficient 
 for that purpofe, and amount only to eight-pence, 
 which is very little more than what the fame quantity 
 of plain paper would coft. Taking it therefore all 
 together, it feerrts not inconfiftent with good ceconomy 
 topurchafeit atfo fmall a price. This reflection might 
 mortify me as an author; but, on the other hand, 
 feif-love, which is ingenious in availing itielf of the 
 flighted favourable circumftances, comforts me with 
 ihe thought, that, of the prodigious number of daily 
 and weekly papers that are now publifhed, mine is 
 perhaps the only one that is ultimately applied to the 
 head. 
 
 XXXVI.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, xxxv. xxxvi. z& 
 xxxvi. 
 
 THE Vv T O R L D. 
 
 SATURDAY, Feb. 20, 1755. N JI3.' 
 
 A LATE noble author has moft juftly and ele- 
 * -*- gantly defined cuftom to be, " The refult of 
 if the paffions and prejudices of many, and of the de- 
 " figns of a few ; the ape of reafon, who ufurps her . 
 *' feat, exercifes her power, and is obeyed by man- 
 " kind in her ftead." 
 
 This definition enables us to account for the various 
 abfurd and wicked cuftoms which have feverally and 
 fucceffively prevailed in all ages and countries, and alfo 
 for thofe which unfortunately prevail in this : for they 
 may all be traced up to the paffions and prejudices of 
 the many, and the defigns of a few. 
 
 It is certain, however, that there has not been a, 
 time, when the prerogative of human reafon was more 
 freely aflerted, nor errors and prejudices more ably at- 
 tacked and expofed by the bed writers, than now. But 
 may not the principle of inquiry and detection be car- 
 ried too far, or at lead made too general ? And mould 
 not a prudent difcrimination of cafes be attended to ? 
 
 A prejudice is by no means necefTarily, though ge- 
 nerally thought fo, an error. On the contrary, it may 
 be a moft unqueftioned truth, though it be ftill a pre- 
 judice in thofe who, without any examination, take it 
 upon truft, and entertain it by hL",bit. 
 
 There are even fome prejudices, founded upon er- 
 ror, which ought: to be connived at, or perhaps en- 
 couraged ; their effects being more beneficial to fo- 
 ciety, than their detection can pofllbly 'JL-. 
 VOL. II. S Human
 
 *$8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Human reafon, even when improved by know- 
 ledge, and undifturbcd by the paflions, is not an in- 
 fallible, though it is our bell, guide : bflt, unimproved 
 by knowledge, and adulterated by pafiion, it becomes 
 the mod dangerous one i conftituting .obftinate wrong* 
 headcdnefs, and dignifying, nay almoft fan&ifying, 
 error. 
 
 The bulk of mankind have neither leifure nor 
 knowledge fufficient to reafon right : why then fhoukl 
 they be taught to reafon at all ? Wilt not honeft in- 
 flin<ft prompt, and wholfome prejudices guide them, 
 much better than half reafoning ? 
 
 The power of the magiftrate to puniOi bad, and the 
 authority of thofe of fuperior rank to let good exam- 
 pks, properly exerted, would probably be of more 
 dirTufive advantage to fociety, than the moft learned, 
 theological, philoibphical, moral and cakiiftical dif- 
 fertations. As for inftance. 
 
 An honeft cobler in his ftall thinks and calls himfelf 
 a good honeft proteftant ; and, if he lives at the city 
 end of the town, probably goes to his parifh-church 
 on Sundays. Would it be honeft, would it be wife, 
 to fay to this cobler, " Friend, you only think your- 
 " felf a member of the church of England -, but in 
 " reality you are not one, fince you are only fo from 
 " habit and prejudice, not from examination and re- 
 " flection. But ftudy the ableft controverlial writers 
 ** of the popilh and reformed churches , read Bellar- 
 " mine, ChilHngworth, and Stillingfleet i and then 
 " you may juftly call yourfclf, what in truth you are 
 " not now, a proteftant." 
 
 Should our mender of flioes follow this advice, 
 
 which I hope he would not, a ufeful cobler would 
 
 i moft
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, xxxvi. ^ 
 
 moft certainly be loft, in a ufelefs polemic, and a 
 fcurvy logician. 
 
 It would be juft the fame thing in morals. Our 
 cobler received from his parents that bed and fhortefl 
 of all chriftian and moral precepts, " Do as you would 
 " be done by :" he adopted it without much examin- 
 nation, and fcrupuloufly pra&ifed it in general, 
 though with fome few exceptions perhaps in his own 
 trade. But mould fome philofopher, for the advance- 
 ment of truth and knowledge, allure this cobler, 
 " That his honefty was mere prejudice and habit, be- 
 " caufe he had never fufficiently confidered the rela- 
 " tion and fitnefs of things, nor contemplated the 
 " beauty of virtue ; but that, if he would carefully 
 " ftudy the Characteriftics, the Moral Philofopher, 
 ** and thirty or forty volumes more upon that fubject, 
 *' he might then, and not till then, jaftly call him- 
 " felf an honeft man;" what would become of the 
 honefty of the cobler after this ufeful difcovery, I do 
 not know : but this I very well know, that he fhould 
 no longer be MY cobler. 
 
 I mall borrow him in two inftances more, and then 
 leave him to his honeft, ufeful, homefpun prejudices, 
 which half-knowledge and lefa reafoning will, I hope, 
 never tempt him to lay afide. 
 
 My cobler is alfo a politician. He reads the firft 
 news- papers he can get, dcfirous to be informed of 
 the ftate of affairs in Europe, and of the ftrcet rob- 
 beries in London. He has not, I prefume, analyfed 
 the interefts of the refpeclive countries of Europe, 
 nor deeply confidered thofe of his own : ftill lefs is 
 he fyftematicaily informed of the political duties of a 
 S 2 citizen
 
 2 '6o LORD CHESTER FIEL D''S 
 citizen and a fubject. But his heart and his habit! 
 fupply thofe defects. He glows with zeal for the 
 honor and profperity of Old England , he will fight 
 for it, if there be occafion, and drink to it perhaps a 
 little too often, and too much. However, is it not 
 to be wifhed that there were in this country fix mil- 
 lions of fuch honeft and zealous, though uninformed, 
 citizens ? ' 
 
 All thefe un re fleeted and unexamined opinions cf 
 our cobler, though prejudices in him, are in them- 
 felves undoubted and demonftrable truths, and ought 
 therefore to be cherimed even in their coarfeft drefs. 
 But I mail now give an inftance of a common pre- 
 judice in this country, which is the refult of error r 
 and which yet I believe no man in his fenfes would 
 defire mould be expofed or removed. 
 
 Our honeft cobler is thoroughly convinced, as hiff 
 forefathers were for many centuries, that one Engliftv- 
 man can beat three Frenchmen ; and, in- that per- 
 fuafion, he would by na means decline the triaL 
 Now, though in my own private opinion, deduced 
 from phyfical principles, I am apt to believe that one 
 Englilhman could beat no more than two French- 
 men of equal ftrength and fize with himfelf, I mould 
 however be very unwilling to undeceive him of that 
 ufeful and fanguine error, which certainly made his- 
 countrymen triumph in the Cdcis of Poicliers and 
 recy. 
 
 But there are prejudices of a very different nature. 
 from thefe ; prejudices not only founded on original 
 error, but that gave birth and famftion to the moil ab- 
 fard, -extravagan^ impious, and immoral cuiloms. 
 
 Honor,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVI. XXXVII. 2 Ci 
 Honor, that facred name, which ought to mean the 
 fpirit, the fupererogation of virtue, is, by cuftom, 
 profaned, reduced, and fhrunk to mean only a readi- 
 nefs to fight a duel upon either a real or an imaginary 
 affront, and not to cheat at play. No vices nor im- 
 moralities whatfoever blaft this fafhionable character, 
 but rather, on the contrary, dignify and adorn it : and 
 what fhould banifh a man from all fociety, recom- 
 mends him in general to the bed. He may, with 
 great honor, ftarve the tradefmen, who by their in- 
 dudry fupply not only his wants, but his luxury ; 
 he may debauch his friend's wife, daughter, or fitter; 
 he may, in fhort, unboundedly gratify every appetite, 
 paffion, and intered, and fcatter defolation round 
 him, if he be but ready for fmgle combat, and a 
 fcrupulous obferver of all the moral obligations of a 
 gamefter. 
 
 Thefe are the prejudices for wit to ridicule, for 
 fatire to laih, for the rigor of the law to punifh, and 
 (which would be the mod effectual of all) for fafhion 
 to difcountenance and profcribe. And thefe (hall in 
 their turns be the fubjefts of fome future papers. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 SATURDAY, Feb. 27, 1755. N 113. 
 
 'T^ H E cuftom of DUELLING is mod evidently " the 
 
 -* " refult of the paffions of the many, and of the 
 
 *' defigns of a few ;" but here the definition dops; 
 
 S 3 fince,
 
 262 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fmce, far from being " the ape of reafon," it prevails 
 in open defiance of it, It is the manifeft offspring of 
 barbarity and folly, a monftrous birth, and diftin^ 
 guifhed by the molt mocking and ridiculous marks 
 of both its parents. 
 
 I would not willingly give offence to the politer 
 part of my readers, whom I acknowledge to be my 
 beft cuftomers, and therefore I will not fo much as 
 hint at the impiety of this practice ; nor will I labor 
 to Ihew how repugnant it is to inftinct, reafon, and 
 pvery moral and foci^l obligation, even to the fafhion- 
 ible fitnefs of things, Viewed on the criminal fide, 
 it excites horror ; on the abfurd fide, it is an incx- 
 hauftible fund of ridicule. The guilt has been con- 
 fidered and expofed by abler pens than mine, and in^ 
 deed ought to be cenfured with more dignity than a 
 fugitive weekly paper can pretend to : I mail there- 
 fore content myfelf with ridiculing the folly of it. 
 
 The antients moft certainly have had very im- 
 perfect notions of HONOR, for they had none of DUEL- 
 UNO. One reads, it is true, of murders committed 
 every now and then among the Greeks and Romans., 
 prompted only by intereft or revenge, and performed 
 xvithout the lead Attic politenefs, or Roman urbanity. 
 No letters of gentle invitation were lent to any man 
 to come and have his throat cut the next morning -, 
 and we may obferve that Milo had not the common 
 decency to give Clodius, the moil profligate of men, 
 the moft dangerous of citizens, and his own inveterate 
 enemy, an equal chance of deftroying him. 
 
 This delicacy of fentiment, this refinement of man- 
 ners, was referved for the politer Goths, Vifigoths, 
 
 Oftrogoths,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVII. 263 
 Oftrogoths, Vandals, &c. to introduce, cultivate, 
 and ellablifli. I mull confefs that they have gene- 
 rally been confidered as barbarous nations , and to 
 be lure there are fome circumttances which ieem to 
 favour that opinion. They made open war upon 
 learning, and gave no quarter even to the monu- 
 ments of arts and iciences. But then it mud be 
 owned, on the other hand, that upon thole ruins 
 they eiiablifhcd the honorable and noble Icience of 
 HOMICIDE, dignified, exalted, and afccrtained TRUI; 
 HONOR, worfhiped it as their deity, and facrificed 
 to it hecatombs of human victims. 
 
 In thole happy days, HONOR, that is, Tingle com- 
 bat, was the great and unerring teft of civiJ rights, 
 moral actions, and found doctrines. It was fan&ificd 
 by the church, and the churchmen were occafionally 
 allowed the honor and plealure of it; for we read 
 of many inltances of DUELS between men and prielts. 
 Nay, it was, without appeal, the infallible teft of 
 female chaftity. If a princels, or any lady of dif- 
 tinction, was fufpected of a little incontinency, fome 
 brave champion, who was commonly privy to, or 
 perhaps the author of ir, Hood forth in her defence, 
 and afierted her innocence with the point of his 
 Iword or lance. If, by bis activity, Jkill, ftrength 
 and courage, he murdered the accufer, the lady was 
 fpotlefs , but, if her champion fell, her guilt was 
 manifeft. This heroic gallantry in defence of the 
 fair, I prefumc, occafioned that affociation of ideas, 
 otherwife feemingly unrelative to each other, of the 
 BRAVE and the FAIR: for indeed in thofe days it be- 
 hoved a lad}-, who had the lead regard for her repu- 
 S 4 cation,
 
 964 LORp CHESTERFIELD'S 
 tation, to chufe a lover of uncommon activity, 
 ilrength, and courage. This notion, as I am well 
 allured, ftill prevails in many reputable families 
 about Covent- garden, where the BRAVE in the kitchen 
 are always within call of the FAIR in the firft or ie- 
 cond fioor. 
 
 By this fummary method of proceeding, the quib- 
 bles, the delays, and the expence of the law were 
 avoided, and the troubleforne fhacklcs of the gofpel 
 knocked off; HONOR ruling in their flead. To 
 prove the utility and juftice of this method, I cannot 
 help mentioning a very extraordinary DUEL between 
 a man of dillinction and a dog, in the year 1371, in. 
 prefence of king Charles the fifth of France. Both 
 the relation and the print of this DUEL are to be 
 found in father Monfaucqn. 
 
 A gentleman of the court was fuppofed to have 
 murdered another, who had been mifiing for fome 
 days, This fufpicion arofe from the mute teftimony 
 pf the abfent perfon's dog, a large Irifh greyhound, 
 vvho with uncommon rage attacked this fuppofed 
 murderer wherever he met him. As he was a gen- 
 tleman, and a man of very nice honor, though by 
 the way he really had murdered the man, he could 
 not bear lying under fo difhonorable a fufpicion, anc} 
 therefore applied to the king for leave to jultify his 
 innocence by fingle combat with the faid dog. The 
 king, being a great lover of juilice, granted his fuit, 
 ordered lifts to be made ready, appointed the time, 
 and named the weapons. The gentleman was to 
 have an offenfive club in his hand, the dog a defen- 
 ve tub to refprt to occafionally. The Jrifh grey : 
 
 bound
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVII. *6$ 
 hound willingly met this fair inviter at the time and 
 place appointed ; for it has always been obfervable 
 of that particular breed, that they have an uncom- 
 mon alacrity at fingle combat. They fought, the 
 dog prevailed, and almoft killed the honorable gen- 
 tleman, who had then the honor to confefs his guilt, 
 and of being hanged for it in a few days. 
 
 When letters, arts, and fciences, revived in Eu- 
 rope, the fcience of HOMICIDE was farther cultivated 
 and improved. If, on the one hand, it loft a little 
 of the extent of its juridiclion -, on the other, it ac- 
 quired great precifion, clearnefs, and beauty, by the 
 care and pains of the very bed Italian and Spanifli 
 authors, who reduced it into a regular body, and de- 
 lighted the world with their admirable codes, digefts, 
 pandects, and reports, ddla cavallerefca, in fome 
 hundreds of volumes. Almoft all pofiible cafes of 
 HONOR were confidered and ftated; two-and-thirty 
 different forts of lies were diftinguifhed, and the ade- 
 quate fatisfaclion neceflary for each, was with great 
 iblidity and precifion aicertained. A kick with a 
 thin fhoe was declared more injurious to honor, 
 though not fo painful to the part kicked, than a kick 
 with a thick fhoe ; and, in fhort, a thoufand other 
 difcoveries of the like nature, equally beneficial to 
 fociety, were communicated to the world in thofe vo- 
 luminous treafures of HONOR. 
 
 In the prefent degenerate age, the fundamental 
 laws of HONOR are exploded and ridiculed, and fingle 
 combat thought a very uncertain, and even unjuft, 
 decifion of civil property, female chaftity, and cri- 
 minal accufations ; but I would humbly alk, why ? 
 
 7 *
 
 266 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 Is not Tingle combat as juft a decifion of any other 
 thing whatfoever, as it is of veracity, the cafe to 
 which it is now in a manner confined ? I am of opi- 
 nion that there are more men in the world who lie 
 and fight too, than there are who will lie and not 
 fight ; becaufe I believe there are more men in the 
 \vorld who have, than who want, courage. But, if 
 fighting is the teft of veracity, my readers of condi- 
 tion will, I hope, pardon me, when I fay, that my 
 future inquiries and refearches after truth fhall be al~ 
 together confined to the three regiments of guards. 
 
 There is one reafon, indeed, which makes me fuf- 
 ped that a DUEL may not always be the infallible 
 criterion of veracity ; and that is, that the combatants 
 very rarely meet upon equal terms. I beg leave to 
 ftate a cafe, which may very probably, and not even 
 ^infrequently happen, and which yet is not provided 
 for, nor even mentioned in the INSTITUTES o? 
 HONOR. 
 
 A very lean, (lender, active young fellow of great 
 HONOR, weighing perhaps not quite twelve flone, and 
 who has from his youth taken leflbns of HOMICIDE 
 from a murder-mailer, has, or thinks he has, a point 
 of honor to difcufs with an unweildy, fat, middle^ 
 aged gentleman, of nice HONOR likewife, weighing 
 iour-and- twenty itone, and who in his youth may not 
 poffibly have had the fame commendable application 
 to the noble fcience of HOMICIDE. The lean gen- 
 tleman fends a very civil letter to the fat one, inviting 
 him to come and be killed by him the next morn- 
 ,jng in Hyde-park. Should the fat gentleman accept 
 this invitation, and waddle to the place appointee}, 
 
 he
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVII. 267 
 he goes to inevitable flaughter. Now, upon this 
 ftate of the cafe, might not the fat gentleman, con- 
 fident with the rules of HONOR, return the following 
 anfwer to the invitation of the lean one ? 
 
 " s i R, 
 
 " I find by your letter that you do me the juflice 
 (i to believe, that I have the true notions of honor 
 *' that become a gentleman ; and I hope I mail never 
 (( give you reafon to change your opinion. As I 
 * e entertain the fame opinion of you, I muft fuppofe 
 ** that you will not defire that we mould meet upon 
 *' unequal terms, which muft be the cafe were we to 
 " meet to-morrow. At prefent I unfortunately weigh 
 " four-and-t\venty (lone, and I guefs that you do 
 " not exceed twelve, From this circumftance fmgly, 
 " I am doubly the mark that you are ; but, befides 
 " this, you are active, and I am unweildy. I there- 
 " fore propoje to you, that, from this day forwards, 
 " we feverally endeavour by all pofilble means, you 
 * l to fatten, and I to wafte, till we can meet at the 
 " medium of eighteen ftone. I will lofe no time on 
 " my part, being impatient to prove to you that I 
 " am not quite unworthy of the good opinion whick 
 " you are pleafcd to expreis of, 
 
 ' S I H, 
 
 ^ Your very humble fervant. 
 
 fe P. S. I believe it may not be amifs for us to 
 ** communicate to each other, from time to 
 " time, our gradations of increale or decreale, 
 *' towards the defired medium, in which, I p'o 
 
 " lume,
 
 5 68 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 ** fume, two or three pounds more or lefs, on 
 " either fide, ought not to be confidered." 
 
 This, among many more cafes that I could men- 
 tion, fufficiently proves, not only the expediency, but 
 the neceffity, of reftoring, reviling, and perhaps ad- 
 ding to, the pradice, rules, and ftatutes, of finglc 
 combat, as it fiouriihed in the fifteenth ami fixtcenth 
 centuries. I grant that it would probably make the 
 Common law ufelefs j but little, trifling, and private 
 jnterefts ought not to (land in the way of great, pub- 
 lic, and national advantages. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, March 6, 1755. N 114. 
 
 ' I A H E notion of BIRTH, as it is commonly cai- 
 * led and eftablifhed by cuftom, is alfo the ma- 
 nifeft refult of- the prejudices of the mauy^ and of the 
 defigns of a few. It is the child of Pride and Folly, 
 coupled together by that induftrious pandar Self-love, 
 It is furely the ftrongeft inftance, and the weakefl 
 prop, of human vanity. If it means any thing, it 
 means a long lineal defcent from a founder, whofe 
 induftry or good fortune, whofe merit, or perhaps, 
 whofe guilt, has enabled his pofterity to live ufelefs 
 to fociety, and to tranfmit to theirs their pride and 
 jheir patrimony. However, this extravagant no- 
 tion,
 
 IVHSCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVII. XXXVIII. 269 
 tion, this chimerical advantage, the effect of blind 
 chance, where prudence and option cannot even 
 pretend to have the leaft fhare, is that FLY which, 
 by a kind of Egyptian fuperftition, cuftom all over 
 Europe has deified, and at whole tawdry Ihrine good 
 fenfe, good manners, and good nature, are daily 
 facrificed. 
 
 The vulgar diftinction between people of BIRTH* 
 and people of NO BIRTH will probably puzzle the 
 critics and antiquaries of the thirtieth or fortieth cen- 
 turies, when, in their judicious or laborious refearches 
 into the cuftoms and manners of thefe prefent times y 
 they mail have reafon to fuppofe, that in the fixteenth, 
 feventeenth, and eighteenth centuries, the ifland of 
 Great Britain was inhabited by two forts of people,, 
 fome BORN-, but the much greater number UNBORN. 
 The fact will appear fo incredible, that it will cer- 
 tainly be believed', the only difficulty will be how to 
 account for it ; and that, as it commonly does, will- 
 engrols the attention of the learned. The cafe of 
 Cadmus's men will dcubtlefs be urged as a cafe irt 
 point, to prove the poffibility of the thing; and the 
 truth of it will be confirmed by the records of the 
 univerfity of Oxford, where it will appear that ar* 
 unborn perfon, called for that reafon Terra Filius, an- 
 nually entertained that univerfity with an oration ir> 
 the theatre. 
 
 I therefore take with pleafure this opportunity of 
 explaining and clearing up this difficulty to my re- 
 moteft fuecefibrs in the republic of letters, by giving 
 them the true meaning of the feveral expreifions of 
 
 GREAT BIRTH, NOBLE BIRTH, 2nd NO BIRTH AT ALL. 
 
 Great
 
 270 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Great and illuftrious BIRTH is afcertained and au- 
 thenticated by a pedigree carefully preferved in the 
 family, which takes at leaft an hour's time to unroll, 
 and, when unrolled, difclofes twenty intermarriages of 
 valiant and puiflant Geoffreys and Hildebrands, with 
 as many chafte and pious Blaunches and Mauds, 
 before the Conqueft, not without here and there a 
 dafh of the Plantagenets. But, if unfortunately the 
 infolent worms mould have devoured the pedigree as 
 well as the perfons of the illuftrious family, that de- 
 fed may be fupplied by the authentic records of the 
 heralds office, that ineftimable repofitory of good 
 fenfe and ufeful knowledge. If this GREAT BIRTH is. 
 graced with a peerage, fo much the better, but, if not, " 
 it is no great matter , for, being fo folid a good in it- 
 felf, it wants no borrowed advantages, and is un- 
 queftionably the moft pleafing fentiment, that a truly 
 generous mind is capable of feeling. 
 
 NOBLE BIRTH implies only a peerage in the family. 
 Anceftors are by no means necetfary for this kind of 
 birth , the patent is the midwife of it, and the very 
 firft defcent is noble. The family arms, however 
 modern, are dignified by the coronet and mantle *, 
 but the family livery is ibmetimes, for very good 
 reafons, laid alide. 
 
 BIRTH, fingly, and without an epithet, extends, I 
 cannot poffibly fay how far, but negatively it (lops 
 where ufeful arts and induftry begin. Merchants, 
 tradefmen, yeomen, farmers, and ploughmen, are not 
 BORN, or at leaft in fo mean a way as not to deferve 
 that name , and it is perhaps for that rcafon that 
 their mothers are faid to be delivered, rather than 
 
 breugbt
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVIII. 271 
 brought to bed of them. But baronets, knights, and 
 eiquires, have the honor of being BORN. . 
 
 I muft confefs that, before I got the key to this 
 fafhionable language, I was a good deal puzzled my- 
 fclf with thedillindlion between BIRTH and NO BIRTH; 
 and, having no other guide than my own weak rea- 
 fon, I miftook the matter molt grofsly. I foolifhly 
 imagined that well born, meant born with a found 
 mind in a found body ; a healthy, ftrongconlHtution, 
 joined to a good heart and a good underftanding. Buc 
 I never fufpected that it could pofilbly mean the 
 flirivelled, taftelefs fruit of an old genealogical tree. 
 I communicated my doubts, and applied for informa- 
 tion, to my late worthy and curious friend the cele- 
 brated Mrs. Kennon, whofe valuable colkction of 
 foflils and minerals, lately fold, fufHciently proves her 
 fkill and refearchcs in the mod recondite parts of na- 
 ture. She, with that franknefs and humanity which 
 were natural to her, aflured me that it was all vulgar 
 error, in which however the nobility and gentry 
 prided themfelves, but that in truth fhe had never 
 obferved the children of the quality to be wholfomer 
 and ftronger than others, but rather the contrary; 
 which difference me imputed to certain caufes, which 
 I (hall not here fpecify. This natural, and, I dare 
 fay, to the bed of her obfervation, true, account con- 
 firmed me in my former philofophical error. But 
 (till, not thoroughly fatisfied with it, and thinking that 
 there mud be fomething more in what was lo uni- 
 verfally valued, I determined to get fome farther in- 
 formation, by addreffing myfelf to a perfon of vaft, 
 immenfe, prodigious BIRTH, and dcicended at avis
 
 272 LORD C II E S T E R F i E L D ' S 
 regibus, with whom I have the honor of being ac- 
 quainted. As he expatiates willingly upon that 
 fubjed, it was very eafy for me to fet him a going 
 upon it, infomuch, that, upon iome few doubts which 
 I humbly fuggefted to him, he fpoke to me in the 
 following manner : 
 
 " I believe, Mr. Fitz-Adam,- you are not, for no- 
 " body is, ignorant of the antiquity of my family, 
 " which by authentic records I can trace to king Al- 
 " fred, fome of whofe blood runs at this moment iri 
 * c my veins, and I will not conceal from you that I 
 " find infinite inward comfort and fatisfaclion in that 
 " reflection. Let people of NO BIRTH laugh as much 
 " as they pleafe at thefe notions ; they are not ima- 
 " ginary ; they are real ; they are folid ; and whoever 
 " is WELL BORN, is glad that he is fo. A merchant, 
 " a tradefman, a yeoman, a farmer, and fuch fort of 
 " people, may perhaps' have common honefty and 
 " vulgar virtues ; but, take my word for it, the more 
 *' refined and generous fentiments of honor, courage, 
 " and magnanimity, can only flow in antient and 
 " noble blood. What mail animate a tradefman or 
 " mean- born man to any great and heroic virtues ? 
 " Shall it be the examples of his anceftors ? He has 
 " none. Or lhall it be that impure blood that rather 
 " ftagnates than circulates in his veins ? No ; AN- 
 tl TIENT BIRTH and NOBLE BLOOD are the only true 
 " fources of great virtues. This truth appears even 
 " among brutes, who, we obferve, never degenerate, 
 " except in cafes of mif-alliances with their inferiors. 
 " Are not the pedigrees of horfes, cocks, &c. care- 
 c * fully preserved, as the never-failing proofs of their 
 
 " fwiftnefs
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXVIII. 273 
 " fwiftnefs and courage ? 1 repeat it again, BIRTH is 
 " an ineftimable advantage, not to be adequately un- 
 * derftood but by thole who have it." 
 
 My friend was going on, and, to fay the truth, 
 growing dull; when I took the liberty of interrupting 
 him, by acknowledging that the cogency of his argu- 
 ments, and the felf-evidence of his facts, had entirely 
 removed all my doubts, and convinced me of the un- 
 fpeakable advantages of ILLUSTRIOUS BIRTH, and 
 unfortunately I added, that my own vanity was greatly 
 flattered by it, in confequence of my being lineally 
 defcended from the firft man. Upon this my friend 
 looked grave, and feemed rather difpleafed ; whethef 
 from a fufpicion that I was jefting, or upon an ap- 
 prehenfion that I meant to out-defcend him, I cannot 
 determine ; for he contented himfelf with faying, 
 " That is not a neceflary confequence neither, Mr. 
 " Fitz-Adam, fmce I have read fomewhere or other 
 " of pre-adamites, which opinion did not feem to 
 " me an abiurd one." 
 
 Here I took my leave of him, and went home full 
 of reflections upon the aftonifhing power of felf-love, 
 that :an extract comfort and pleafure from fuch. 
 groundlefs, abfurd, and extravagant prejudices. In 
 all other refpects my friend is neither a fool nor a 
 madman, and can talk very rationally upon any ra- 
 tional fubject. But fuch is the inconfiftency both of 
 the human mind and the human heart, that one mull 
 not form a general judgement of either, from one: 
 glaring error, or one mining excellence. 
 
 VOL, II. T XXXIX.
 
 274 L O R D CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 XXXIX. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, April 17, 1755. N 120. 
 
 MOST people complain of fortune, few of na- 
 ture , and the kinder they think the latter has 
 been to them, the more they murmur at what they call 
 the injuftice of the former. 
 
 Why have not I the riches, the rank, the power, of 
 fuch and fuch, is the common expostulation with for- 
 tune : but why have not I the merit, the talents, the 
 wit, or the beauty, of fuch and fuch others, is a re- 
 proach rarely or never made to nature. 
 
 The truth is, that nature, feldom profufe, and fel- 
 dom niggardly, has diftributed her gifts more equally 
 than fhe is generally fuppofed to have done. Educa- 
 tion and fituation make the great difference. Culture 
 improves, and occafions elicit, natural talents. I 
 make no doubt but that there are potentially, if I 
 may ufe that pedantic word, many Bacons, Lockes, 
 Newtons, Ca^fars, Cromwells, and Marlboroughs, at 
 the plough-tail, behind counters, and, perhaps, even 
 among the nobility -, but the foil mud be cultivated, 
 and the feafons favourable, for the fruit to have all its 
 fpirit and flavor. 
 
 If fomctimes our common parent has been a little 
 partial, and not kept the fcales quite even j if one 
 preponderates too much, we throw into the lighter a 
 due counterpoife of vanity, which never fails to fet all 
 right. Hence it happens, that hardly any one man 
 
 would,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXIX. 275 
 would, without referve, and in every particular, change 
 with any other. 
 
 Though all are thus fatisfied with the difpenfations 
 of nature, how few lillcn to her voice ! how few follow 
 her as a guide ! In vain fhe points out to us the plain 
 and direct way to truth ; vanity, fancy, affectation, 
 and fafhion, alTume her fhape, and wind us through 
 fairy-ground to folly and error. 
 
 Thele deviations from nature are o'ften attended by 
 ierious confequences, and always by ridiculous ones ; 
 for there is nothing truer than the trite obfervation, 
 *' that people are never ridiculous for being what 
 " they really are, but for affecting what they really 
 " are not." Affectation is the only fource, and at 
 the fame time the only juftitiable object, of ridicule. 
 No man whatfoever, be his pretenfions what they will, 
 has a natural right to be ridiculous : it is an acquired 
 right, and not to be acquired without fome induftry ; 
 which perhaps is the rcafon why fo many people are 
 fo jealous and tenacious of it. Even fome people's 
 VICES are not their own, but affected and adopted, 
 though at the fame time unenjoyed, in hopes of 
 fhining in thole faihionable ibcieties, where the re- 
 putation of certain vices gives luitre. In thefe cafes, 
 the execution is commonly as awkward, as the liefign 
 is abiurd; and the ridicule equals the guilt. 
 
 This calls to my mind a thing, that really happened 
 not many years ago. A young fellow of fome rank 
 and fortune, juft let loolc from the univcrfuy, re- 
 folved, in order to make a figure in the world, to af- 
 fume the mining character of, what he called, a rake. 
 By way of learning the rudiments of his intrnJjcl 
 T 2 profefiiorc,
 
 ;6 L O K D C H E S T E R F I E L D r S 
 profdlion, he frequented the theatres, where he was 
 often drunk, and always noiiy. Being one night at 
 the reprefentation of that moft abfurd play, the Liber- 
 tine deftroyed, he was fo charmed with the profligacy 
 of the hero of the piece, that, to the edification of the 
 audience, he fwore many oaths that he would be the 
 libertine deftroyed. A difcreet friend of his, who fat 
 by him, kindly, reprefented to him, that to be the 
 libertine was a laudable defign, which he greatly ap- 
 proved of-, but that to be the libertine deftroyed 
 leemed to him an unnecefiary part of his plan, and 
 rather ra(h. He perftfted, however, in his firft refo- 
 lution, and infilled upon being the libertine, and de- 
 ftroyed. Probably he was fo -, at lead the prefumption 
 is in his favour. There are, I am perfuaded, fo 
 many cafes of this nature, that for my own part I 
 would defire no greater ftep towards the reformation 
 of manners for the next twenty years, than that our 
 people mould have no vices but their own. 
 
 The blockhead who affects wifdom, becaufe nature 
 has given him dalnefs, becomes ridiculous only by 
 his adopted character ; whereas he might have ftag- 
 nated unobferved in his native mud, or perhaps have 
 engroffed deeds, collected fhells, and ftudied heraldry, 
 or logic, with forne fuccefs. 
 
 The fhining coxccmb aims at all, and decides 
 finally upon every thing, becaufe nature has given, 
 him pertnefs. The degree of parts and animal fpirits,, 
 neceflary to conftitute that character, if properly ap- 
 plied, might have made him ufeful in many parts of 
 life; but his affectation and prefumption make him 
 ufelefs in moft, and ridiculous in all. 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXIX. j 77 
 The feptuagenary fine gentleman might probably, 
 from his long experience and knowledge of the world, 
 be efteemed and refpected in the feveral relations of 
 domeftic life, which, at his age, nature points out to 
 him: he will mod ridiculouQy fpin out the rotten 
 thread of his former gallantries. He drefles, lan- 
 guifhes, ogJes, as he did at five-and-twenty ; and mo- 
 deftly intimates that he is not without a bonne for- 
 tune, which bonne fortune at iaft appears to be the pro- 
 ftitute he had long kept, not to himfclf, whom he 
 marries and owns, becaufe the poor girl was fo fond 
 of him, and fo defirous to be made an honeft woman. 
 
 The fexagenary widow remembers that (he was 
 handibme, bur forgets that it was thirty years ago, 
 and thinks herfelf fo, or at lead very likeable, ft ill. 
 The pardonable affectations of her youth and beauty 
 unpardonably continue, increafe even with her years, 
 and are doubly exerted in hopes of concealing the 
 number. All the gaudy glittering parts of drefs, 
 which rather degraded than adorned her beauty in its 
 bloom, now expofe to the higheft and jufteft ridicule 
 her mrivelled or her overgrown carcafe. She totters 
 or fweats under the load of her jewels, embroideries, 
 and brocades, which, like fo many Egyptian hierogly- 
 phics, ferve only to authenticate the venerable anti- 
 quity of her augud mummy. Her eyes dimly twinkle 
 tendernefs, or leer defire : their language, however 
 inelegant, is intelligible, and the half-pay captain un- 
 derftands it. He addrefies his vows to her vanity, 
 which a (lures her they are fincere. She pities him, 
 and prefers him to credit, decency, and every focial 
 T 3 duty.
 
 z;8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 duty. He tenderly prefers her, though not without 
 fome hesitation, to a jail. 
 
 Self-love, kept within due bounds, is a natural and 
 ufeful femiment. It is, in truth, focial love too, as 
 Mr. Pope has very juftly obferved : it is the fpring of 
 many good actions, and of no ridiculous ones. But 
 felf-flattery is only the ape or caricatura of felf-love, 
 and refembles it no more than to heighten the ridi- 
 cule. Like other flattery, it is the mod profufely be- 
 flowed and greedily fwallowed, where it is the leaft 
 deferved. I will conclude this fubje<5b with the fub- 
 ftance of a fable of the ingenious monfieur De La 
 Motte, which feems not unapplicable to it. 
 
 Jupiter made a lottery in heaven, in which mortals, 
 as well as gods, were allowed to have tickets. The 
 prize was WISDOM ; and Minerva got it. The mor- 
 tals murmured, and accufed the gods of foul play. 
 Jupiter, to wipe off this afperfion, declared another 
 lottery, for mortals fingly, and exclufivelv of the gods. 
 The prize was FOLLY. They got it, and fhared it 
 among themfelves. All were fatis.fied. The lofs of 
 WISDOM was neither regretted nor remembered ; 
 FOLLY fupplied its place, and thofe, who had the 
 largeft fhare of it, thought themfelves the wifefl,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XXXIX. XL. 279 
 
 XL. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, Oct. 16, 1755. N 146. 
 
 [" H AV E fo tender a regard for my fair country - 
 * women, that I mod heartily congratulate them 
 upon the approaching meeting of the parliament, 
 which I confider, and I believe they do fo too, as the 
 general gaol- delivery of the feveral counties of the 
 uniced kingdom. 
 
 That beautiful part of our fpecies once engroflcd 
 my cares ; they flill mare them : I have been exceed- 
 ingly affe&ed all the. fummer with the thoughts of 
 their captivity, and have felt a fympathetic grief 
 for them. 
 
 In truth, what can be more moving, than to ima- 
 gine a fine woman, of the higheft rank and falhion, 
 torn from all the elegant and refined pleasures of the 
 metropolis; hurried by a mercilefs hufband into 
 country captivity, and there expofed to the incurfions 
 of the neighbouring knights, fquires, and parfons, 
 their wives, fons, daughters, dogs, and horfes ? The 
 metropolis was at once the feat of her empire, and 
 the theatre of her joys. Exiled from thence, how 
 great the fall ! how dreadful the prifon ! Methinks 
 I fee her fitting in her drefllng-room at the manfion- 
 feat, fublimely fullen, like a Dethroned eaftern mo- 
 narch. Some few books, fcattered up and down, 
 feem to imply that me finds no confolation in any. 
 The unopened knotting- bag fpeaks her painful leifure. 
 T 4 Ii.fcnfiblc
 
 i8o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 Infenfible to the proffered endearments of her tender 
 infants, they are lent away for being, fo abominably 
 noify. Her drefs is even neglected, and her com- 
 plexion laid by. I am not afhamed to own my weak- 
 nefs, if it be one ; for I confeis that this image ilruck 
 me fo ftrongly, dwelt upon my mind fo long, that it 
 drew tears from my eyes. 
 
 The prorogation of the parliament laft fpring was 
 the fatal fore-runner of this fummer captivity. I was 
 well aware of it, and had fome thoughts of prepar- 
 ing a fhort treatife of confolation, which I would have 
 prefented to my fair countrywomen, in two or three 
 weekly papers, to have accompanied them in their 
 qxile : but I muft own that I found the attempt 
 greatly above my Itrength ; and an inadequate confo- 
 lation only redoubles the grief, by reviving in the 
 mind the caufe of it. Thus at a lofs, I fearched, as 
 every modeft modern mould do, the antients, in order 
 to fay in Englifh whatever they had faid in Latin or 
 Greek upon the like occafion ; but, far from finding 
 any cafe in point, I could not find one in any degree 
 like it. I particularly confuhed Cicero, upon that 
 exile which he bore fo very indifferently himfelf; 
 but, to my great furprize, could not meet with one 
 fmgle word of confolation, addreffed or adapted to 
 the fair and tender part of his fpecies. To lay the 
 truth, that philofopher feems to have had either a con- 
 tempt for, or an averfion to, the fair fex ; for it is 
 very obfervable, that, even in his effay upon old age, 
 there is not one fmgle period addreffed diredly and 
 exclufively to them ; whereas I humbly prefume that 
 an old woman wants at leaft as much, if not more, 
 
 comfort,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XL. jfc 
 comfort, than an old man. Far be it from me to 
 offer them that refined ftoical argument to prove that 
 exile can be no misfortune, becaufe the exiled per- 
 fons can always carry their virtue along with them, if 
 they pleafe. 
 
 However, though I could adminifter no adequate 
 comfort to my fair fellow-fubjects under their country 
 captivity, my tender concern for them prompts me to 
 offer them fome advice upon their approaching li- 
 berty. 
 
 As there mud have been, during this fufpenfion, I 
 will not fay only of pleafure, but, in a manner, of 
 exiftence, a confi-derable faving in the article of pin- 
 money, I earneftly recommend to them, immediately 
 upon their coming to town, to apply that finking 
 fund to the difcharge of debts; already incurred, and 
 not divert it to the current fervice of the enfuing 
 year. I would not be mifunderftood ; I mean only 
 the payment of debts of honor, contracted at com- 
 merce, bragg, or faro ; as they are apt to hang heavy 
 upon the minds of women of fentiment, and even 
 to affect their countenances upon the approach of 
 a creditor. As for mop-debts, to mercers, milli- 
 ners, jewellers, French pedlars, and fuch-like, it is 
 no great matter whether they are paid or not , fome- 
 how or other thofe people will mift for themfelves, or, 
 at word, fall ultimately upon the hufband. 
 
 I will alfo advife thofe fine women, who, by an 
 unfortunate concurrence of odious circumftances, 
 have been obliged to begin an acquaintance with 
 their hufbands and children in the country, not to 
 break it off intirely in town, but, on the contrary, to 
 5 allow
 
 rfz LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 allow a few minutes every day to the keeping it up ; 
 fince a time may come, when perhaps they may like 
 their company rather better than none at all. 
 
 As my fair fellow-fubje&s were always famous for 
 their public fpirit and love of their country, I hope 
 they will, upon the prefent emergency of the war 
 with France, diftinguifh themfelves by unequivocal 
 proofs of patriotifm. I flatter myfelf that they will, 
 at their firft appearance in town, publicly renounce 
 thofe French fafoions, which of late years have 
 brought their principles, both with regard to religion 
 and government, a little in queftion. And therefore 
 I exhort them to difband their curls, comb their 
 heads, wear white linen, and clean pocket-handker- 
 chiefs, in open defiance of all the power of France. 
 But, above all, I infift upon their laying afide that 
 fhameful piratical practice of holding falfe colors 
 upon their top gallant, in the miftaken notion of 
 captivating and enflaving their countrymen. This 
 they may the more eafily do at firft, fince it is to be 
 prefumed that, during their retirement, their faces 
 have enjoyed uninterrupted reft. Mercury and ver- 
 million have made no depredation thefe fix months ; 
 good air and good hours may perhaps have reftored, 
 to a certain degree at leaft, their natural carnation : 
 but at worft, I will venture to allure them, that fuch 
 of their lovers, who may know them again in that 
 ftate of native artlefs beauty, will rejoice to find the 
 communication opened again, and all the barriers of 
 plafter and ftucco removed. Be it known to them, 
 that there is not a man in England, who does not 
 infinitely prefer the browneft natural, to the whitefl 
 
 artificial,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS P I E C E S. XL. 283 
 artificial, fldn ; and I have received numberlefs let- 
 ters from men of the firft fafhion, not only requeft- 
 ing, but requiring me to proclaim this truth, with 
 leave to publim their names, which however I de- 
 clined : but, if I thought it could be .of any ufe, I 
 could eafily prefent them with a round robin to that 
 effect, of aboye a thoufand of the moft refpectable 
 names. One of my correfpondents, a member of 
 the Royal Society, illuftrates his indignation at glazed 
 faces, by an apt and well-known phyfical experi- 
 ment. The mining glafs tube, fays he, when warmed 
 by friction, attracts a feather, probably a whice one, 
 to clofe contact; but the fame feather, from the 
 moment that it is taken off the tube, flies it with 
 more velocity than it approached it with before. I 
 make no application ; but avert the omen, my dear 
 countrywomen J 
 
 Another, who feems to have fome knowledge of 
 chemiftry, has fent me a receipt for a moft excellent 
 warn, which he defires me to publim, by way offuc- 
 cedaneum to the various greazy, glutinous, and per- 
 nicious applications fo much ufed of late. It is as 
 follows. 
 
 Take of fair clear water quantum fufficit ; put it 
 into a clean earthen or china bafon, then take a clean 
 linen cloth, dip it in that water, and apply it to the 
 face night and morning, or oftener, as occafion may 
 require, 
 
 I own, the fimplicity and purity of this admirable 
 lotion recommend it greatly to me, and engage me 
 to recommend it to my fair countrywomen. It is free 
 from all the inconveniencies and naflinefs of all other 
 
 preparations
 
 2 S 4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 preparations of art whatfoever. It does not ftink, 
 as all others do ; it does not corrode the (kin, as all 
 others do ; it does not deftroy the eyes, nor rot the 
 teeth, as all others do ; and it does not communicate 
 kfelf by collifion, nor betray the tranfacYions of a tete 
 a the^ as mod others do. 
 
 Having thus paid my tribute of grief to my lovely 
 countrywomen during their captivity, and m^ tribute 
 of congratulations upon their approaching liberty, I 
 heartily wifh them a good journey to London. May 
 they foon enter, in joyful triumph, thflt metropolis, 
 which fix months ago they quitted with tears ! 
 
 XLI. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 THURSDAY *, Oct. 30, 1755. N 140*. 
 
 /CIVILITY and GOOD-BREEDING are generally 
 ^^ thought, and often ufed, as fynonymous terms, 
 but are by no means fo. 
 
 * Lord Cheflerficld, being at Bath, (hewed one of his lad Worlds 
 to his friend general Irwine, who dined with him almoft every day. 
 The general, in the courfe of the converfation, mentioned good- 
 breeding, as diftinguiflied from mete civility, as a fubjedr, that deterved 
 to be treated by him. His lordfliip at firft declined it ; but on his 
 friend's infifting, and urging the fmgular propriety of its being un- 
 .dertaken by a man who was fo perfect a mailer of the thing, he fud- 
 denly called for pen and ink, and wrote this excellent piece offhand, 
 as he did all the others, without any rafure or interlineation. The 
 paper, ever after, went by the name ot general Irwine's paper. 
 
 GOOD-
 
 MISCELLANEOUS P I E C E S. XL. XLI. 285 
 
 GOOD-BREEDING necefTarily implies CIVILITY; but 
 CIVILITY does not reciprocally imply GOOD-BREED- 
 ING. The former has its intrinfic weight and value, 
 which the latter always adorns, and often doubles 
 by its workmanfhip. 
 
 To facrifice one's own felf-love to other people's 
 is a fhort, but, I believe, a true definition of CIVI- 
 LITY : to do it with eafe, propriety, and grace, is 
 GOOD-BREEDING. The one is the refult of good- 
 nature -, the other of good-fenfe, joined to experience, 
 obfcrvation, and attention. 
 
 A ploughman will be civil, if he is good-natured, 
 but cannot be well-bred. A courtier will be well- 
 bred, though perhaps without good-nature, if he has 
 but good-fenfe. 
 
 Flattery is rhe difgrace of GOOD-BREEDING, as bru- 
 tality often is of truth and fincerity. GOOD-BREEDING 
 is the middle point between thofe two odious ex- 
 tremes. 
 
 CEREMONY is the fuperftition of GOOD BREEDING, 
 as well as of religion ; but yet, being an out-work to 
 both, fhould not be abfolutely demolifhed. It is al- 
 ways, to a certain degree, to be complied with, 
 though defpifed by thofe who think, becaufe admired 
 and refpe<5led by thofe who do not. 
 
 The mod perfect degree of GOOD-BREEDING, as 
 I have already hinted, is only to be acquired by great 
 knowledge of the world, and keeping the bed com- 
 pany. It is not the object of mere fpeculation, and 
 cannot be exactly defined, as it confifts in a fitnefs, a 
 propriety of words, aftions, and even looks, adapted 
 to the infinite variety and combinations of perfons, 
 
 'places,
 
 286 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 places, and things. It is a mode, not a fubftance .' 
 for what is GOOD-BREEDING at St. James's would pafs 
 for foppery or banter in a remote village -, and the 
 home-fpun CIVILITY of that village would be con- 
 fidered as brutality at court. 
 
 A cloyftered pedant may form true notions of 
 CIVILITY , but if, amidft the Cobwebs of his cell, 
 he pretends to fpin a fpeculative fyftem of GOOD- 
 BREEDING, he will not be lefs abfurd than his pre- 
 deccflbr, who judicioufly undertook to inftruct Han- 
 nibal in the art of war. The moft ridiculous and 
 moft awkward of men are, therefore, the fpeculatively 
 well-bred monks of all religions and all profefTions. 
 
 GOOD-BREEDING, like charity, not only covers a 
 multitude of faults, but, to a certain degree, fup- 
 plies the want of fome virtues. In the common in- 
 tercourfe of life, it acts good-nature, and often does 
 what good-nature will not always do ; it keeps both 
 wits and fools within thofe bounds of decency, 
 which the former are too apt to tranfgrefs, and 
 which the latter never know. 
 
 Courts are unqueftionably the feats of GOOD-BREED- 
 ING, and niufl necefTarily befo ; otherwife they would 
 be the feats of violence and delegation. There all 
 the paftions are in their highelt itate of fermentation. 
 All purfue what but few can obtain, and many fcek 
 what but one can enjoy. GOOD-BREEDING alone 
 reftrains their excefles. There, if enemies did not 
 embrace, they would Itab. There, fmiles are often 
 put on, to conceal tears. There, mutual lervices are 
 profefled, while mutual injuries are intended ; and 
 there, the guile of the ferpent fimulates the gentle- 
 5 nefs
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLI. *8 7 
 nefs of the dove : all this, it is true, at the expence 
 of fincerity, but, upon the whole, to the advantage 
 of focial intercouric in general. 
 
 I would not be mifapprehended, and fuppofed to 
 recommend GOOD-BREEDING, thus prophaned and 
 proftitutedto the purpofes of guilt and perfidy; but 
 I think I may juftly infer from it, to what a degree 
 the accomplifhment of GOOD-BREEDING muft adorn 
 and enforce virtue and truth, when it can thus foften 
 the outrages and deformity of vice and falfhood. 
 
 L am forry to be obliged to confefs that my native 
 country is not perhaps the feat of the mod perfect 
 GOOD-BREEDING, though I really believe that it yields 
 to none in hearty and fincere CIVILITY, as far as 
 CIVILITY is, and to a certain degree it is, an inferior 
 moral duty of doing as one would be done by. Jf 
 France exceeds us in that particular, the incompara- 
 ble author of L'Efprit des Loix accounts for it very 
 impartially, and I believe very truly. " If mj 
 " countrymen," fays he, " are the beft-bred people 
 " in the world, it is only becaufe they are the vain- 
 " eft." It is certain that their GOOD -BREEDING and 
 attentions, by flattering the vanity and felf-love of 
 others, repay their own with intcreth It is a general 
 commerce, ufually carried on by a barter of atten- 
 tions, and often without one grain of folid merit, by 
 way of medium to make up the balance. 
 
 It were to be wifhed that GOOD-BREEDING were in 
 general thought a more eflcntial part of the educa- 
 tion of our youth, elpecially of diftin&ion, than at 
 prefent it feems to be. It might even be fubftituted 
 in the room of fome academical ftudies, that take up.
 
 2 88 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 a great deal of time to very little purpofe ; or at lead, 
 it might ufefully (hare fome of thofe many hours, 
 that are fo frequently employed upon a coach-box, 
 or in (tables. Surely thole who, by their rank and 
 fortune, are called to adorn courts, ought at lead not 
 to difgrace them by their manners. 
 
 But I obferve with concern, that it is the famiort 
 for our youth of both fexes to brand GOOD-BREEDING 
 with the name of ceremony and formality. As fuch, 
 they ridicule and explode it, and adopt in its ftead an 
 offenfive carelefTnefs and inattention, to the diminu- 
 tion, I will venture to fay, even of their own plea- 
 fures, if they know what true pleafures are. 
 
 Love and friendfhip necefiarily produce, and juftly 
 authorize, familiarity j but then GOOD BREEDING muft 
 mark out its bounds, and fay, thus far (halt thou go, 
 and no farther; for I have known many a paffion 
 and many a friendfhip degraded, weakened, and at 
 laft, if I may ufe the exprefiion, wholly (latterned 
 away by an unguarded and illiberal familiarity. Nor 
 is GOOD-BREEDING lefs the ornament and cement of 
 common focial life : it connects, it endears, and, at 
 the fame time that it indulges the juft liberty, re- 
 ftrains that indecent licentioufnefs of converfation, 
 which alienates and provokes. Great talents make a 
 man famous, great merit makes him refpected, and 
 great learning makes him efleemed ; but GOOD- 
 BREEDING alone can make him be loved. 
 
 I recommend it in a more particular manner to my 
 
 countrywomen, as the greateft ornament to fuch of 
 
 them as have beauty, and the fafeft refuge for thofe 
 
 . who have not. It facilitates the victories, decorates 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLI. XLII. 289 
 the triumphs, and fecures the conquefts of beauty, 
 or in fome degree atones for the want of it. It al- 
 moft deifies a fine woman, and procures refpect at 
 Jeaft to thofe who. have not charms enough to be 
 admired, 
 
 Upon the whole, though GOOD-BREEDING cannot, 
 flrictly fpeaking, be called a virtue, yet it is produc- 
 tive of fo many good effects, that, in my opinion, it 
 may juftly be reckoned more than a mere accon> 
 plifhment. 
 
 XLII. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, Nov. 20, 1755. N* 151; 
 
 I WAS lately fubpcenaed, by a card, to a general 
 affembly at lady Townly's, where I went fo awk- 
 wardly early, that I found nobody but the five or fix 
 people who had dined there, and who, for want of 
 hands enough for play, were reduced to the cruel 
 neceffity of converfing, till fomething better mould 
 offer. Lady Townly obferved with concern and im- 
 patience, " that people of faihion now came intolerar 
 " bly late, and in a glut at once, which laid the lady 
 * ( of the houfe under great difficulties, to make the 
 " parties properly." " That, no doubt," faid Manly, 
 * ( is to be lamented ; and the more fo, as jf feems to 
 " give your ladymip fome concern ; but in the mean 
 " time, for want of fomething better to do, I mould 
 ^ be glad to know the true meaning of a term tha? 
 VQL, II. U ' you
 
 290 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " you have juft made ufe of, people of fajhion. I ccn>- 
 " fefs, I have never yet had a precife and clear idea 
 " of it ; and I am fure I cannot apply more properly 
 * { for information, than to this company, which is 
 " moft unqueftionably compofed of people of fajhion 9 
 " whatever people of fajhion may be. I therefore beg 
 " to know the meaning of that term : what are they, 
 " who are they, and what co-nftitutes, 1 had almoft 
 *' laid, anoints \.\\tm, people of fajhion ?" 
 
 Thefe queftions, inftead of receiving immediate 
 anfwers, occafioned a general filence of above a mi- 
 nute, which perhaps was the refult of the whole com- 
 pany's having difcovered, for the firft time, that they 
 had long and often made ufe of a term which they 
 had never underftood : for a little reflection fre- 
 quently produces thofe difcoyeries. Belinda firft 
 broke this filence, by faying, " One well knows who 
 " are meant by -people of 'fajhion^ though one does 
 ** not juft know how to defcribe them : they are 
 " thofe that one generally lives with ; they are peo- 
 " pie of a certain fort." cf They certainly are fo^. 
 interrupted Manly ; " but the point is of what fort ? 
 " If you mean by people of a certain fort, yourfelf, 
 e which is commonly the meaning of thofe who 
 " make ufe of that expreffion, you are indifputably 
 " in the right, as you have ail the qualifications that 
 " can, or, at leaft, ought to conftitute and adorn a 
 " woman of fajhion. But, pray, muft all women of 
 " fajhion have all your accomplishments ? If lo, the 
 *' myriads of them which I had imagined from whac 
 *' I heard every day, and every where, will dwindle 
 ' into a handful." " Without having thofe ac- 
 
 61 complifli-
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLU. a 9 t 
 " complements which you fo partially allow me/' 
 anfwered Belinda, u I dill pretend ro be a woman of 
 " fajhion -, a character, which I cannot think requires 
 " an uncommon mare of talents or merit." " That 
 " is the very point," replied Manly, " which I \vant 
 " to come at; and therefore give me leave to queftion 
 " you a little more particularly. You have fome 
 " advantages, which even your modefty will not al- 
 " low you to difclaim, fuch as your birth and for- 
 " tune: do they constitute you a woman of fajhion?" 
 As Belinda was going to anfvver, Bellair pertly inter- 
 pofed, and faid, " Neither, to be fure, Mr. Manly : 
 " if birth constituted /T^MK, we muft look for it in 
 " that ineftimable treafure of ufeful knowledge, the 
 " peerage of England ; or, if wealth, we mould find 
 " the very belt at the Bank, and at Garraway's." 
 " Well then, Bellair," faid Manly, " fince you have 
 " taken upon you to be Belinda's fponfor, let me 
 " afk you two or three queftions, which you can 
 " more properly anfwer than (be could. Is it her 
 " beauty ?" " By no means neither," replied Bel- 
 lair-, " for, at that rate, there might perhaps be a 
 44 woman of fajhion with a gold chain about her neclc 
 " in the city, or, with a fat amber necklace in the 
 " country : prodigies, as yet UnhtatcUof and unfeen." 
 * Is it then her wit and good-breeding ?" continued 
 Manly. " Each contributes," anfwered Bellair; 
 " but both would not be fufficient, without a certain 
 " je nefffiis quci, a fomething or other that 1 feel 
 " better than I can explain." 
 
 Here Dorimant, who had fat all this time filenr, 
 
 but looked mifchievous, faid, " I could lay loir.e- 
 
 U 2 M ihing."
 
 agz LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " thing." " Ay, and fomething very impertinent, 
 " according to cuftom," anfwered Belinda ; " fb 
 " hold your tongue, I charge you." " You are fin- 
 * c gularly charitable, Belinda," replied Dorimant, " in 
 " being fo. fure that I was going to be impertinent, 
 " only becaufe I was going to fpeak. Why this fuf- 
 *' picion of me ?" " Why ! becaufe I know you to be 
 " an odious, abominable creature, upon all fubjecTs 
 *' of this kind." This amicable quarrel was put an 
 end to by Harriet, who, on a fudden, and with her 
 ufual vivacity, cried out, " I am fure I have it now, 
 *' and can tell you exactly " what people of fajhion 
 '* are : they are juft the reverie of your odd people." 
 " Very poffible, madam," anfwered Manly, " and 
 * ( therefore I could wifh that you would give your- 
 " felf the trouble of defining odd people ; and fo, by 
 " the rule of contraries, help us to a true notion of 
 16 people of fajhion" " Ay, that I can very eafily 
 ** do," faid Harriet. "In the firft place, your odd 
 *' people are thofe that one never lets in, unlefs one is 
 * e at home to the whole town." " A little more par- 
 " ticular, dear Harriet," interrupted Manly. " So I 
 44 will," laid Harriet, for I hate them all. There 
 t are feveral forts of them. Your prudes, for in- 
 " fiance, who refpeft and value themfelves upon the 
 *' unblemifhed purity of their characters ; who rail at 
 " the indecency of the times, cenfure the mpft in- 
 " nocent freedoms, and fufpect the Lord knows 
 <c wliat, if they do but oblerve a clofe and familiar 
 " whifper between a man and a woman, in a remote 
 '< corner of the room. There are, befides, a fober, 
 " formal, fort of married women a infipid creatures, 
 
 '* who
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLII. 293 
 tf who lead domeftic lives, and who can be merry, 
 " as they think, at home, with their own and their 
 " hufband's relations, particularly at Chriftmas. Like 
 " turtles, they are true and tender to their lawful 
 " mates-, and breed like rabbets, to beggar and per- 
 " petuate their families. Thefe are very odd women, 
 *' to be fure , but deliver me from your fevere and 
 " auguft dowagers, who are the fcourges of people of 
 " fa/bion, by infefting all public places, in order to 
 <c make their fpiteful remarks. One meets them 
 * f every where, and they feem to have the fecret of 
 " multiplying themfelves into ten different places at 
 " once. Their poor horfes, like thofe of the fun, go 
 *' round the world every' day, baiting only at eleven 
 <v in the morning, and fix in the evening, at their. 
 t( parifh-churches. They fpeak as movingly of their 
 " poor late lords, as if they had ever cared for one 
 " another; and, to do them honor, repeat fome of 
 " the many filly things they uled to fay. Laftly, 
 " there are your maiden ladies of riper years, or- 
 *' phans of diftinction, who live together by twos and 
 " threes, who club their flocks for a neat little 
 " houie, a light-bodied coach, and a foot-boy " 
 " And," added Bellair, " quarrel every day about 
 " the dividend." " True," faid Harriet, u they are 
 ** not the fweeted-tempered creatures in the world ; 
 " but, after all, one muft forgive them fome malig- 
 *' nicy, in confideration of their difappointments. 
 " Well, have I now defcribed odd people to your fa- 
 ' tisfaftion?" " Admirably," anfwcred Manly; ""-and 
 ' fo well, that one can, to a great degree at lealt, 
 " judge of their antipodes, the people of fafttien. But 
 U 3 ."Ml
 
 2 9 4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " ftill there feems fomething wanting ; for the pre- 
 " fcnt account, by the rule of contraries, ftands only 
 [ " thus : that women of fa/hion muft not care for their 
 " hufbands, muft not go to church, and mult not 
 " have unblemiihed, or at lead unfufpected, reputa- 
 < tions. Now, though all thefe are very commend- 
 " able qualifications., it muft be owned, they are 
 " but negative ones, and confequently there muft be 
 " fome pofitive ones necefl'ary to compleat fo amia- 
 " ble a character." u I was going to add," inter- 
 rupted Harriet, " which, by the way, was more 
 *' than I engaged for, that people of fajhion were pro- 
 " perly thofe who fet the fafhions, and who gave the 
 " tone of drefs, language, manners, and pleafures, 
 " to the town." " I admit it," faid Manly ; " but 
 if what I want (till to know is, who gave them power, 
 " or did they ufurp it ? for, by the nature of that 
 *' e power, it does not feem to me to admit of a fuc- 
 <e ceffion by hereditary and divine right." " Were 
 " I allowed to fpeak," faid Dorjmant, u perhaps I 
 '* could both fhorten and clear up this cafe. But I 
 " clare not, unlefs Belinda, to whom I profefs im- 
 " plicit obedience, gives me leave." " Even let 
 " him fpeak, Belinda," faid Harriet , " I know he 
 " will abufe us, but we are ufed to him." Well, 
 " fay your fay then," faid Belinda. " See what an 
 " impertinent fneer he has already." Upon this, 
 Dorimant, addrefllng himfelf more particularly to 
 .Belinda, and finiling, faid, 
 
 " Then think 
 
 '* That he, who thus commanded dares to fpeak, 
 " Unlefs commanded, would have died in filence." 
 
 " O, your
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLII. 2 g 
 " O, your fervant, fir, faid Belinda ;" that fit of hu- 
 ** mility will, 1 am fure, not laft long ; but how- 
 " ever go on." " I will, to anlwer Manly's quef- 
 " tion," faid Dorimant, " which, by the way, has 
 " fomething the air of a catechifm. Who made 
 *' thefe people of fa/hion ? I give this fhort and plain 
 " anfvver; they made one another. The men, by 
 * l their attentions and credit, make the women of 
 " fajhion ; and the women, by either their fuppofed 
 " or real favours, make the men fuch. They arc 
 " mutually neceflary to each other." " Impertinent 
 " enough of all conscience," faid Belinda. " So, 
 ** without the afiiftance of you fafhionable men, what 
 *' mould we poor women be ?" * ; Why faith," re- 
 plied Dorimant, " but odd women, I doubt ; as we 
 ts mould be but odd fellows without your friendly 
 " aid to fafhion us. In one word, a frequent and 
 " reciprocal collifion of t'-^e two fexes is abfolutely 
 ct neceflary, to give one that high polifh which is 
 c< properly called fajhion" " Mr. Dorimant has, I 
 <4 own," faid Manly, " opened new and importanc 
 *' matter ; and my fcattered and confufed notions 
 4< feem now to take fome form, and tend to a point. 
 " But, as examples always beft clear up abftrufe mat- 
 * l ters, let us now propoie fome examples of both 
 " forts, and take the opinions of the company upon 
 " them. For inftance, I will offer one to your con- 
 4< fideration. Is Berynthia a woman of faflxon or 
 * c not ?" The whole company readily, and al mutt at 
 once, anfwered, " Doubtlefs fhe is." 4< That may 
 48 be," faid Manly, u but why ? For (he has neither 
 " birth nor fortune, and but i'mall remains of beauty." 
 U 4 " All
 
 *$6 LORD CfcESfERtflELD'S 
 c< All that is true, I confefs," faid Belinda ; " but 
 * l (he is well-dreft, well-bred, good-humoured, and 
 *' always ready to go with one any where." " Might 
 " I prefume," faid Dorimant, " to add a title, and 
 ct perhaps the beft, to her claims of fajbion, I fhould 
 " fay that (he was of Belville's creation, who is the 
 " very fountain of honor of that fort. He dignified 
 *' her by his addrefics ; and thofe who have the 
 * c good fortune to fhare his reputation" " Have,'* 
 faid Belinda with fome warmth, " the misfortune to 
 <c lofe their own." I told you," turning to Harrier, 
 ei what would happen if we allowed him to fpeak : 
 * e and juft fo it has happened ; for the gentleman 
 " has almoft in plain terms aftertedj that a woman 
 " cannot be a woman of fajbion till fhe has loft her 
 te reputation." " Fye, Belinda, how you wrong 
 " me !" replied Dorimant. " Loft her reputation ! 
 " Such a thought never entered into my head; 1 
 " only meant miflaid it. With a very little care 
 " fhe will find it again." " There you are in the 
 " right," faid Bellair ; " for it is moft certain that 
 *' the reputation of a woman of fajbion mould not be. 
 " too muddy." " True," replied Dorimant, " nor 
 * c too limpid neither ; it muft not be mere rock- 
 ' water, cold and clear -, it mould fparkle a little." 
 " Well," faid Harriet, " now that Berynthia is una- 
 " nimoufly voted a woman of foj&ion, what think you 
 " of Loveit ? Is me } or is me not one ?" ' If me is 
 *' one," anfwered Dorimant, " I am very much mif- 
 " taken if it is not of Mirabel's creation." 4t By 
 " writ, I believe," faid Bellair, " for I faw him give 
 " her a letter one night at the opera." " But fhe 
 
 " has
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLII. ,t> r 
 " has other good claims too," added Dorimant. 
 <e Her fortune, though not large, is eafy ; and no- 
 ' body fears certain applications from her. She has 
 " a fmall houfe of her own, which fhe has fitted up 
 " very prettily, and is often at home^ not to crowds 
 <c indeed, but to people of the bed fafnion, from 
 " twenty, occafionally down to two ; and let me tell 
 " you, that nothing makes a woman of Loveit's 
 " fort better received abroad, than being of;cn at 
 " bom.'* " I own," faid Bellair, " that I looked 
 *' upon her rather as a genteel led- captain, a poft- 
 " fcript to women of fafoion" " Perhaps too fome- 
 te times the cover," anfwered Dorimant, " and if fo, 
 " an equal. You may joke as much as you pleafe 
 " upon poor Loveit, but fhe is the befl-humoured 
 " creature in the world; and I maintain her to be a 
 " woman of fajhion-, for, in (hort, we all roll with 
 " her, as the foldiers fay." " I want to know," faid 
 Belinda, " what you will determine upon a character 
 " very different from the two laft, I mean lady Love- 
 lefs : is flie a woman offajhion ?" " Dear Belinda/' 
 anfwered Harriet haftily, ts how could flie pofiibly 
 " come into your head ?" " Very naturally/' laid 
 Belinda > " (he has birth, beauty, and fortune ; fhe 
 " is well-bred." " I own it," faid Harriet; " but 
 " (till flie is handibme without meaning, well-fiiaped 
 " without air, genteel without graces, and well-dreft 
 " without tafte. She is fuch an infipid creature, flic 
 " feldom comes about, but lives at home with her 
 ' lord, and fo domeftically tame, that flie eats out 
 of his hand, and teaches her young ones to peck 
 M out of her own. Odd, very odd, take my word 
 
 "for
 
 S 9 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 *' for it. 5 * " Ay, mere rock-water," faid Dorimant, 
 " and, as I told you an hour ago, that will not do." 
 " No, moft certainly," added Bellair ; all that re- 
 e * ferve, fimplicity, and coldnefs, can never do. It 
 " icems to me rather that the true cornpofition of 
 " people of fdjbmti like that of Venice treacle, con- 
 " fifts of an infinite number of fine ingredients, but 
 " all of the warm kind/' " Truce with your filthy 
 * 4 treacle,' 1 faid Harriet ; " and fince the converia- 
 '* tion has hitherto chiefly turned upon us poor wo- 
 *' men, I think we have a right to infift upon the 
 " definition of you men of fajhion" " No doubt of 
 " it," laid Dorimant ; " nothing is more juft, and 
 " nothing more eafy. Allowing fome fmall differ- 
 * c ence for modes and habits, the men and the women 
 " of fafoion are in truth the counterparts of each 
 * e other : they fit like tallies, are made of the fame 
 " wood, and are cut out for one another." 
 
 As Dorimant was going on, probably to illuftrate 
 his aflertion, a valet de chambre proclaimed in a 
 folemn manner the arrival of the dutchefs dowager 
 of Mattadore and her three daughters, who were im- 
 mediately followed by lord Formal, fir Peter Plau- 
 fible, and divers others of both fexes, and of equal 
 importance. The lady of the houfe, with infinite 
 fkill and indefatigable pains, foon peopled the fe- 
 veral card- tables, with the grcateft propriety, and 
 to univerfal fatisfaction ; and the night concluded 
 with (lams, honors, belt-games, pairs, pair-royals, 
 and all oilier fuch rational demon ft rations of joy. 
 
 For my own part, I made my efcape as foon as I 
 poffibly could, with my head full of that moil ex- 
 traordinary
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLII. XLIII. 299 
 traordinary converfation, which I had juft heard, 
 and which, from having taken no part in it, I had 
 attended to the more, and retained the better. I 
 went ftraight home, and immediately reduced it into 
 writing, as I here offer it for the prelent edification 
 of my readers. But, as it has furnimed me with 
 great and new lights, f propofe, as foon as poffible, 
 to give the public a new and compleat fyftem of 
 ethics, founded upon thefe principles of people of 
 faJJjion ; as, in my opinion, they are better calculated 
 than many others, for the ufe and inftruction of alj 
 private families. 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 % 
 THURSDAY, Aug. 12, 1756. N 189. 
 
 WE are accufed by the French, and perhaps 
 but too juftly, of having no word in our 
 language, which anfwers to their word police, which 
 therefore we have been obliged to adopt, not having, 
 as they fay, the thing. 
 
 It does not occur to me that we have any one 
 word in our language, I hope not from the fame rea- 
 fon, to exprefs the ideas which they comprehend un- 
 der their word les moturs. Manners are too little, 
 morals too much. I mould define it thus ; a general 
 exterior decency, fonefs, and propriety of ccnduft, in the 
 
 common intercourse of life. 
 
 Cicero,
 
 3 c LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Cicero, in his Offices, makes ufe of the word de* 
 corum in this fenfe, to exprefs what the Greeks fignified 
 by their word (I will not (hock the eyes of my polite 
 readers with Greek types) to prepw. 
 
 The thing however is unqueftionably of impor- 
 tance, by whatever word it may be dignified or de- 
 graded, diflinguifhed or miftaken , it (hall therefore 
 be the fubject of this paper to explain and recommend 
 it ; and upon this occafion I mail adopt the word 
 decorum* 
 
 But, as I have fome private reafons for defiring not 
 to leflen the fale of thefe my lucubrations, I muft 
 premife, that, notwithstanding this ferious introduc- 
 tion, I am not going to preach either religious of 
 moral duties. On the contrary, it is a fcheme of in- 
 tereft which I mean to communicate, and which, if 
 the fuppofed characteriftic of the prefent age be true, 
 muft, I fhould apprehend, be highly acceptable to 
 the generality of my readers. 
 
 I take it for granted that the moft fenfible and in- 
 formed part of mankind, I mean people of fafhion, 
 purfue fingly their own interefts and pleafures ; that 
 they defire as far as poffible to enjoy them exclu- 
 fiTcly, and to avail themfelves of the fimplicity, the 
 ignorance, and the prejudices, of the vulgar, who 
 have neither the fame ftrength of mind, nor the fame 
 advantages of education. Now it is certain that 
 nothing would more contribute to that defirable end, 
 than a ft rift obfervance of this decorum, which, as I 
 have already hinted, does not extend to religious or 
 moral duties, does not prohibit the enjoyments of 
 vice, but only throws a veil of decency between it 
 
 and
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIII. 301 
 and the vulgar, conceals part of its native deformity, 
 and prevents fcandal, and bad example. It is a fort 
 of pepper-corn quit-rent paid to virtue, as an ac- 
 knowledgment of its fuperiority ; but, according to 
 our prefent conftitution, is the eafy price of freedom, 
 not the tribute of vafialage. 
 
 Thofe who would be refpected by others, muft firft 
 refpect themfelves. A certain exterior purity and 
 dignity of character commands refpect, procures 
 credit, and invites confidence ; but the public exer- 
 cife and oftentation of vice has all the contrary effects. 
 
 The middle clafs of people in this country, though 
 generally ftraining to imitate their betters, have not 
 yet fhaken off the prejudices of their education; 
 very many of them dill believe in a fupreme being, in 
 a future ftate of rewards and punimments, and retain 
 fome coarfe, home-fpun notions of moral good and 
 evil. The rational fyftem of materialifm has not 
 yet reached them, and, in my opinion, it may be 
 full as well it never mould; for, as I am not of 
 levelling principles, I am for preferving a due fub- 
 ordination from inferiors to fuperiors, which an equa- 
 lity of profligacy muft totally deftroy. 
 
 A fair character is a more lucrative thing than peo- 
 ple are generally aware of ; and I am informed that 
 an eminent money-fcrivener has lately calculated with 
 great accuracy the advantage of it, and that it has 
 turned out a clear profit of thirteen and a half per 
 ' fenf. in the general tranfactions of life ; which advan- 
 tage, frequently repeated, as it mutt be in the courfc 
 pf the year 3 amounts to a veryconfiderable object. 
 
 To
 
 302 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 To proceed to a few inttances. If the courtier would 
 but wear the appearance of truth, promife lefs, and 
 perform more, he would acquire fuch a degree of 
 truft and confidence, as would enable him to ftrike 
 on a fudden, and with fuccefs, fome fplendid ftroke 
 of perfidy, to the infinite advantage of himlelf and 
 his party. 
 
 A patriot, of a-11 people, mould be a ftricl; obferver 
 of this decorum^ if he would, as it is to be prefumed 
 he would, bear a good price at the court market. 
 The love of his dear country, well acted and little 
 felt, will certainly get him into good keeping, and 
 perhaps procure him a handibme fettlement for life; 
 but, if his proftitution be flagrant, he is only made 
 ufe of in cafes of the utmoft necelluy, and even then 
 only by cullies. I mull obferve by the bye, that of 
 late the market has been a little glutted with patriots, 
 and confequently they do not fell quite fo well. 
 
 Few matters of families are, I fhould prefume, de- 
 firous to be robbed indifcriminately by all their fer- 
 vants ; and as fervants in general are more afraid of 
 the devil, and lefs of the gallows, than their matters, 
 it feems to be as imprudent as indecent to remove 
 that wholfome fear, either by their examples, or their 
 philofophical differtations, exploding in their pre- 
 fence, though ever fo juftly, all the idle notions of 
 future punimnlents, or of moral good and evil. At 
 prefent, honeft faithful fervants rob their matters con- 
 fcientioufly only in their refpecliive ftations : but take 
 away thofe checks and reftraints which the prejudices 
 of their education have laid them under, they will 
 foon rob indifcriminately, and out of their feveral dc- 
 
 partmtn/s \
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIIT. 303 
 partments ; which would probably create fome little 
 confufion in families, efpecially in numerous ones. 
 
 I cannot omit obferving, that this decorum extends 
 to the little trifling offices of common life ; fuch as 
 feeming to take a tender and affectionate part in the 
 health or fortune of your acquaintance, and a readi- 
 nefs and alacrity to ferve them in things of little 
 confequence to them, and of none at all to you. 
 Thefe attentions bring-in good intereft ; the weak 
 and the ignorant miftake them for the real fentimenu 
 of your heart, and give you their efteem and friend- 
 ihip in return* The wife, indeed, pay you in your 
 own coin, or by a truck of commodities of equal 
 value, upon which, however, there is no lofs ; fo that, 
 upon the whole, this commerce, fkilfully carried on, 
 is a very lucrative one. 
 
 In all my fchemes for the general good of man- 
 kind, I have always a particular attention to the utility 
 that may arile from them to my fair fellow-fubje&s, 
 for whom I have the tendered and mod unfeigned 
 concern , and I lay hold of this opportunity, moft 
 earneftly to recommend to them the ft deleft obfervance 
 of this decorum. I will admit that a fine woman of a 
 certain rank cannot have too many real vices ; but, 
 at the fame time, I do infill upon it, that it is eflen- 
 tially her intereft, not to have the appearance of any 
 one. This decorum, I confefs, will conceal her con- 
 quefts, and prevent her triumphs ; but, on the other 
 hand, if (he will be pieafed to reflect that thofe con- 
 quells are known, fooner or later, always to end in her 
 total defeat, fhe will not upon an average find hericlf 
 a lofer. There are indeed Come hufbands of fuch 
 * humane
 
 -304- LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 humane and hofpitable difpofitions, that they feem de- 
 termined to (hare all their happinefs with their friends 
 and acquaintance ; ib that, with regard to fuch huf- 
 bands fingly, this decorum were ufelefs : but the far 
 greater number are of a churlifh and uncommuni- 
 cative difpofition, troublefome upon bare fufpicions, 
 and brutal upon proofs. Thefe are capable of in- 
 flicting upon the fair delinquent the pains and penal- 
 ties of exile and imprifonment at the dreadful man- 
 fion-feat, notwithftanding the moil folemn protefta- 
 tions and oaths, backed with the moft moving tears, 
 that nothing really criminal has patted, But it muft 
 be owned that, of all negatives, that is much the 
 hardeft to be proved. 
 
 Though deep play be a very innocent and even 
 commendable amufement in itfelf, it is however, as 
 things are yet conftituted, a great breach, nay per- 
 paps the higheft violation pofiible, of the decorum 
 in the fair lex. If generally fortunate, it induces 
 fome fufpicion of dexterity ; if unfortunate, of debt ; 
 and in this latter cafe, the ways and means for rai- 
 ling the fupplies neceffary for the current year are 
 fometimes fuppofcd to be unwarrantable. But what 
 is ftill much more important, is, that the agonies of 
 an ill run will disfigure the fined face in the world, 
 and caufe moft ungraceful emotions, I have known 
 a bad game, fuddenly produced upon a good game, 
 for a deep ftake at bragg or commerce, alrr.oft make 
 the vermillion turn pale, and elicit from lips, where 
 the fweets of Hybla dwelt, and where the loves and 
 graces played, fome murmured oaths, which, though 
 jpinced and mitigated a little in their terminations, 
 
 feemed
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIII. 305 
 Teemed to me, upon the whole, to be rather un- 
 becoming. 
 
 Another firigular advantage, which will arife to my 
 fair countrywomen of diftinction from the obfervance 
 of this decorum, is, that they will never want fome 
 creditable led-captain to attend them at a minute's 
 warning to operas, plays, Ranelagh, and Vauxhall ; 
 whereas I have known fome women of extreme con- 
 dition, who, by neglecting the decorum, had Qat- 
 terned away their characters to fuch a degree, as to 
 be obliged upon thofe emergencies to take up with 
 mere toad-eaters of 'very equivocal rank and cha- 
 racter, wlro by no means graced their entry into pub- 
 lic places. 
 
 To the young unmarried ladies^ I beg leave to re- 
 prefent, that this decorum will make a difference of 
 at lead five-and-twenty if not fifty -per cent, in their 
 fortunes. The pretty men, who have commonly 
 the honor of attending them, are not in general the 
 marrying kind of men ; they love them too much, 
 or too little, know them too well, or riot well enough, 
 to think of marrying them. The hufband-like men 
 are a fet of aiikward fellows with good eftates, and 
 who, not having got the better of vulgar prejudices, 
 lay fome ftrefs upon the characters of their wives, 
 and the legitimacy of the heirs to their eftaces and 
 titles. Thefe are to be caught only by les r,jceurs- t 
 the hook muft be baited with the decorum ; the naked 
 One will not do. 
 
 1 muft own that it feems too fcvere to deny young 
 ladies the innocent amufements of the prefent times, 
 but I beg of them to recollect: that I mean only with 
 
 VOL. II. X
 
 3 o6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 regard to outward appearances ; and I fhould pre- 
 fume that tete-a-tetes with the pretty men might be 
 contrived and brought about in places lefs public 
 than Kcnfington-gardens, the two parks, the high 
 roads, or the ftreets of London. 
 
 Having thus combined, as I flatter myfelf that I 
 have, the Iblid enjoyments of vice, with the ufeful 
 appearances of virtue, I think myfelf entitled to the 
 thanks of my country in general, and to that juft 
 praife which Horace gives to the author, qui mifcuit 
 utilc dulcij or, in Englifh, who joins the ufeful with 
 the agreeable. 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 THURSDAY, Sept. 30, 1756. N 196, 
 
 IT is a vulgar notion^ and worthy of the vulgar* 
 for it is both falfe and abfurd, that patfionate peo- 
 ple are the beft-namred people in the world. They 
 art a little hajly, it is true ; a trifle will put them in 
 a fury \ and^ while they are in that fury, they neither 
 know nor care what they fay or do : but then, as foon 
 as it is over, they are extremely forry and penitent for 1 
 any injury or mif chief they did. This panegyric of 
 thefe choleric good-natured people, when examined 
 and firnplified, amounts in plain common fenfe and 
 Englifh to this : that they are good-natured when 
 they are not ill-natured ; and that when, in their fits 
 of rage, they have laid or done things that have 
 
 brought
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIII. XLIV. 307 
 brought them to the gaol or the gallows, they are 
 extremely lorry for it. It is indeed highly probable 
 that they are ; but where is the reparation to thofe 
 whofe reputations, limbs, or lives, they have either 
 tvounded or deflroyed ? This concern comes too late, 
 and is only for thernfelves. Self-love was the caufe 
 of the injury, and is the only motive of the re- 
 pentance. 
 
 Had thefe furious people real good-nature, their 
 firft offence would be their laft, and they would refolvc 
 at all events never to relapfe. The moment they 
 felt their choler fifing, they would enjoin themlelves an, 
 abfolute filence and inaction, and by that fudden 
 check rather expofe themfelves to a momentary ridi- 
 cule, which, by the way, would be followed by uni- 
 verfal applaufe, than run the leaft rifk of being irre- 
 parably mifchievous. 
 
 I know it is faid in their behalf, that this impulfe 
 to wrath is conftitutionally fo fudden and fo ftrong, 
 that they cannot ftifle it, even in its birth : but ex- 
 perience fhews us, that this allegation is notoriously 
 falfe ; for we daily obferve that thefe ftormy perfons 
 both can and do lay thofe gufts of paffion, when awed 
 by relpect, retrained by intereft, or intimidated by 
 fear. The moft outrageous furiolb does not give a 
 loofe to his anger in prefence of his fovereign, or his 
 miftrefs , nor the expectant heir in prefence of the 
 peevifh dotard from whom he hopes for an inhe; 
 ritance. The folicitim : courtier, though perhaps un- 
 der the ftrongcft provocations from unjuft delays and 
 broken promife>, calmly fvvallows his unavailing 
 wrath, difguiies it even under fmiles, and gently waits 
 X 2 for
 
 308 LORD CHESTERFIELD * S 
 
 for more favourable moments : nor does the criminal 
 
 fly in a pailion at his judge or his jury. 
 
 There is then but one folid excufe to be alledged 
 . in favour of thefe people ; and, if they will frankly 
 urge it,. I will candidly admit it, becaufe it points out 
 its own remedy. I mean, let them fairly confefs 
 themiclves mad, as they moft unqueftionably are : 
 for what plea can thofe that are frantic ten times a day, 
 bring againft (having, bleeding, and a dark room,, 
 when fo many much more harmlcfs madmen are con- 
 fined in their cells at Bedlam, for being mad only once 
 in a moon ? Nay, I have been allured by the late in- 
 genious doctor Monro, that fuch of his patients who 
 are really of a good-natured difpofition, and who, ia 
 their lucid intervals, were allowed the liberty of walk- 
 ing about the hofpkal, would frequently, when they 
 found the previous fymptoms of their returning mad- 
 nefs, voluntarily apply for confinement, confcious of 
 the mifchief which- they might poffibly do if at liberty, 
 If thofe who pretend not to be mad, but who really 
 are fo, had the fame fund of good-nature, they would 
 make the fame application- to- their friends, if they 
 have any. 
 
 There is in the Menagiana a very pretty ftory of 
 one of thefe angry gentlemen, which fets their ex- 
 travagancy in a very ridiculous light. 
 
 Two gentlemen were riding together, one of whom-,, 
 who was a choleric one, happened to be mounted on 
 a high-mettled horfe. The horib grew a little trou- 
 blefome j at which the rider grew very angry, and 
 whipped and fpurred him with great fury; to which 
 the horfe, almoft as wronghead-vd as his- matter, re- 
 plied
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIV. 30, 
 plied with kicking and plunging. The companion, 
 concerned for the danger, and afhamed of the folly 
 of his friend, faid to him cooly, " Be quiet, be quier, 
 " and fhew yourfelf the wiicr of the two." 
 
 This (bit of madnefs, for I will call it by no other 
 name, flows from various caufe.i, of which I {hall now 
 enumerate the mo ft general. 
 
 Light unballaited heads are very apt to be overfct 
 by every guft, or even breeze, of paflion ; they ap- 
 pretiate things wrong, and think every thing of im- 
 portance, but what really is fo : hence thofe frequent 
 and fudden traniitions from filly joy to fillier anger, 
 according as the prefent filly humour is gratified or 
 thwarted. This is the never-failing characterise of 
 the uneducated v.ulgar, who often in the fame half- 
 ihour fight with ury, and fealce hands with affection* 
 Such heads give themfelves no time to reafon ; and, 
 if you attempt to reafon with them, they think you 
 rally them, and relent the affront. They are, in iliort, 
 ^overgrown children, and continue fo in the moft ad- 
 vanced age. Far be it from me to infinuate, what 
 fome ill-bred authors have bluntly afferted, that this 
 is in general the rafc of the fairetl part of our fpecies, 
 whole great vivacity does not always allow them time 
 to reaion coniequentially, but hurries them into tefti- 
 nels upon the leatl opposition to their will. But, at 
 the fame time, with all the partiality which I have for 
 them, and nobody can have more than I have, I muft 
 confels that, in all tljtir debates, I have much more 
 admired the copioufnefs of their rhetoric, tha.i_ the 
 conclufivenefs of their logic. 
 
 X 3 People
 
 5 io LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 People qf flrong animal fpirits, warm conftitutions, 
 and a cold genius, a moft unfortunate and ridiculous 
 though common compound, are moft irafcible ani- 
 mals, and very dangerous in their wrath. They are 
 aftive, puzzling, blundering, and petulantly enter- 
 prizing and perfevering. They are impatient of the 
 leaft contradiction, having neither arguments nor 
 words to reply with ; and the animal part of their 
 competition burfts out into furious explofipns, which 
 have often milchievous coniequences. Nothing is 
 too outrageous or criminal for them to fay or do in 
 thefe fits ; but, as the beginning of their frenzy is 
 eafily difcoverable, by their glaring eyes, inflamed 
 countenances, and rapid motions, the company, as 
 confervators of the peace, which, by the way, every 
 man is till the authority of a magiftrate can be pro- 
 cured, mould forcibly feize thefe madmen, and con- 
 fine them in the mean time in fome dark clofet, 
 vault, or coal-hole. 
 
 Men of nice honor, without one grain of common 
 honefty, for fuch there are, are wonderfully com- 
 bultible. The honorable is to fupport and protect 
 the difhoneft part of their character. The confciouf- 
 nefs of their guilt makes them both fore and jealous. 
 There is another and very irafcible fort of human 
 animals, whole madnefs proceeds from pride. Thela 
 are generally the people, who, having juft fortunes 
 fufficient to live idle, and ufelefs to fociety, create 
 themfelves gentlemen, and are fcrupuloufly tender 
 of the rank and dignity which they have not. They 
 require the more refpect, from being conlcious that 
 they fiave no right to aqy. They conftrue every 
 
 thing
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIV. 311 
 thing into a flight, alk explanations with heat, and 
 mifunderftand them with fury. " Who are you ? 
 '* What are you ? Do you know who you fpeak to ? 
 " I will teach you to be filent to a gentleman," are 
 their daily idioms of fpeech, which frequently end in 
 affault and battery, to the great emolument of the 
 Round-houfe and Grown-office. 
 
 I have known many young fellows, who, at their 
 firft Jetting out into the world, or in the army, have 
 Emulated a paffion which they did not feel, merely 
 as an indication of fpirit * which word is falfely looked 
 upon as fynonymous with courage. They drefs and 
 look fierce, fwear enormoufly, and rage furioufly, 
 feduced by that popular word, fpirit. But I beg 
 leave to inform thefe miftaken young gentlemen, 
 whole error I compaffionate, that the true fpirit of 
 a rational being confifts in cool and fteady refolution, 
 which can only be the refult of reflection and virtue. 
 
 I am very forry to be obliged to own, that there 
 is not a more irritable part of the fpecies, than my 
 brother authors. Criticifm, cenfure, or even the 
 0ighteft diiapprobation of their immortal works, ex- 
 cite their moft furious indignation. It is true, in- 
 deed, that they exprefs their refentment in a manner 
 lefs dangerous both to others and to themfelves. 
 Like incenfed porcupines, they dart their quills at 
 the objects of their wrath. The wounds given by 
 thefc fhafts are not mortal, and only painful in pro- 
 portion to the diftance from whence they fly. Thofe 
 which are difcharged, as by much the greatcfl num- 
 bers are, from great heights, fuch as garrets or four- 
 parr-of-ftair rooms, are puffed away by the wind, 
 X 4 and
 
 3 72 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 and never hit the mark ; but thofe which are let off 
 from a firft or fecond floor, are apt to occafion a lit- 
 tle fmarting, and fometimes fettering, efpecially if 
 the party wounded be unfound. 
 
 Our GREAT CREATOR has wifely given us pafllons, 
 to rouze us into action, and to engage our gratitude 
 to him by the, pleafures they procure us j but, at the 
 fame time, he has kindly given us reafon fufficient, 
 if we will but give that reafon fair play, to controul 
 thofe paffions ; and has delegated authority to fay to 
 them, as he laid to the waters, " thus far mall ye 
 "' go, and no farther." The angry man is his own 
 fevered tormentor , his bread knows no peace, while 
 his raging paffions are reftrained by no fenfe of ei- 
 ther rejigious or moral duties. What would be his 
 cafe, if his unforgiving example, if I may ufe fuch 
 $n expreffipn, were followed by his ALL-MERCIFUL 
 MAKER, whofe forgivenefs he can only hope for, in 
 proportion as he himfelf forgives and loves his fel- 
 low-creatures 1 
 
 XLV. 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 THURSDAY, Oct. 7, 1756. N 197. 
 
 IF we give credit to the vulgar opinion, or even 
 to the afifertions of fome reputable authors, both 
 antient and modern, poor human nature was not ori- 
 ginally formed for keeping : eyery age has dege- 
 nerated j
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIV. XLV. 3 ,, 
 nerated ; and, from the fall of the firft man, my ua- 
 fortunate anceftor, our fpecies has been tumbling on, 
 century by century, from bad to worfe, for abouc 
 fix thoufand years. 
 
 Confidering this progreflive date of deterioration, 
 it is a very great mercy that things are no worfe witfy 
 ys at prefent ; fmce, geometrically fpeaking, the hu- 
 man ought by this time to have funk infinitely be- 
 low the brute and the vegetable fpecies, which arc 
 neither of them fuppofed to have dwindled or dege- 
 nerated confiderably, except in a very few inftances : 
 for it mud be owned that our modern oaks are in- 
 ferior to thofe of Dodona, our breed of horfes to that 
 of the Centaurs, and our breed of fowls to that of 
 the Phoenixes. 
 
 But is this really the cafe? Certainly not. It i? 
 only one of thofe many errors which are artfully 
 fcattered by the defigns of a few, and blindly adopted 
 by the ignorance and folly of the many. The mo- 
 ving exclamations of tbefi fad times! this dege- 
 nerate age ! the affecting lamentations over declining 
 virtue and triumphant vice^ and the tender and final 
 farewell bidden every day to unrewarded and dif- 
 couraged public fpirit, arts, and fciences, are the com- 
 mon-place topics of the pride, the envy, and the ma- 
 Jignity, of the human heart, that can more eafily 
 forgive, and even commend, antiquated and remote, 
 than bear cotemporary and contiguous, merit, Men 
 of thefe mean ientiments have always been the fati- 
 rifts of their own, and the pancgyrifts of former 
 times. They give this tone, which fools, like birds 
 in the dark, catch by ear, and whittle all day long. 
 
 As
 
 3H LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 As it has conftantly been my endeavor to root 
 out, if I could, or, if I could not, to expofe, the vices 
 of the human heart, it fhall be the object of this 
 day's paper to examine this ftrange inverted entail 
 of virtue and merit upwards, according to priority 
 of birth, and feniority of age. I fhall prove it to be 
 forged, and confequently null and void to all intents 
 and purpofes whatfoever.- 
 
 If I loved to jingle, I would fay that human na- 
 ture has always been invariably the fame, though al- 
 ways varying; that is, the fame in fubftance, but 
 varying in forms and modes, from many concurrent 
 caufes, of which perhaps we know but few. Cli- 
 mate, education, accidents, feverally contribute to 
 change thofe modes ; but in all climates, and in all 
 ages, we difcover through them the fame paffions, 
 affe&ions, and appetites, and the farrje degree of 
 virtues and vices. 
 
 This being unqueftionably the true ftate of the 
 cafe, which it would be endlefs to bring inftances to 
 prove, from the hiftories of all times and of all na- 
 tions, I mall, by way of warning to the incautious^ 
 and of reproof to the defigning, proceed to explain 
 the reafons, which I have but juft hinted at above, 
 why the human nature of the time being has al- 
 ways been reckoned the word and moft degenerate. 
 
 Authors, efpecially poets, though great men, are, 
 alas ! but men j and, like other men, fubjecl: to the 
 weaknefles of human nature, though perhaps in a 
 lefs degree: but it is however certain that their 
 breads are not abfolutely (hangers to the paffions of 
 jealoufy, pride, and envy. Hence it is that they are 
 $ very
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLV. 3,5 
 very apt to meafure merit by the century, to love dead 
 authors better than living ones, and to love them the 
 better, the longer they have been dead. The Au- 
 guftan age is therefore their favorite sera, being at 
 lead feventeen hundred years diftant from the pre- 
 fent. That emperor was not only a judge of wit, 
 but, for an emperor, a tolerable performer too ; and 
 Maecenas, his firft minifter,. was both a patron and a 
 poet : he not only encouraged and protected, but fed 
 and fattened men of wit at his own table, as appears 
 from Horace : no fmall encouragement for pane- 
 gyric. Thofe were times indeed for genius to dif- 
 play itfelf! It was honored, tafted, and rewarded. 
 But now temporal O mores ! One muft how- 
 ever do juftice to the authors, who thus declaim 
 againft their own times, by acknowledging that they 
 are feldom the aggreflbrs ; their own times have com- 
 monly begun with them. It is their refentment, not 
 their judgment, if thsy have any, that fpeaks this 
 language. Anger and defpair make them endeavour 
 to lower that merit, which, till brought very low in- 
 deed, they are confcious they cannot equal. 
 
 There is another and more numerous fet of much 
 greater men, who ftill more loudly complain of the 
 ignorance, the corruption, and the degeneracy, of the 
 prefent age. Thefe are the confummate volunteer, 
 but unregarded and unrewarded politicians, who, at a 
 modeft computation, amount to at lead three millions 
 of fouls in this political country, and who are all of 
 them both able and willing to fteer the great vefiel 
 of the ftate, and to take upon themfelvcs the whole 
 joad of buljnefs, and burthen of employments, for the 
 
 lervice
 
 3i6 LORD C II E S T E R F I E L D * S 
 fervice of their dear country. The adminiilratios 
 for the time being is ajways the worft, the moll in- 
 .capable, the moil corrupt, that .ever was, and negli- 
 gent of every rhing but their own interefr.. Where 
 &re now your Cecils and your IV dlfinghams ? Thole who 
 alk that qucflion could anfvyer it, if they would fpeak 
 out, fbemfehes : for they are all that, and more too. 
 
 I ftept the other day, in order only to inquire how 
 my poor country did, into a coffee-houfe, that is with- 
 out difpute the feat of the founded politics in this 
 great metropolis, and fat myfelf dpwn within ear-fha 
 of the principal : council-table. Fortunately for me, 
 the prefident, a perfon of age, dignity, and becom- 
 ing gravity, had juft begun to fpeak. He flated, 
 with infinite perfpicuity ancjl knowledge, the prefent 
 #ate of affairs in other countries, and the lamentable 
 fituation of our own. He traced with his finger upon 
 the table, by the help of fome coffee which he had 
 fpilt in the warmth .of his exordium, the whqle courfc 
 of the Ohio, and the boundaries of the Ruffian, P ruf- 
 fian, Auftrian, and Saxon dominions ; forcfaw a long 
 and bloody war upon the continent, calculated the 
 fnpplies neceflary for carrying it on, and pointed out 
 the belt methpds pf raifing them, which, for that 
 very reafon, he iqdmated, would not be purfued. 
 He wound up his qifcourie with a moil pathetic: 
 peroration, which he concluded with faying, Things 
 ^ere not carried on in this manner- in queen Elizabeth's 
 (lays , the public was conjidered, and able men were 
 coftjulted and employed. Tbofe were days ! " Ave, fir, 
 " and nights too, I prefume," faid a young fellow 
 who Hood near him f " fome longer and fome fhorter,, 
 
 ** accordirg
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLV. 317 
 * c according to the variation of the feafons , pretty 
 " much like ours." Mr. Prefident was a little fur- 
 prized at the fuddennefe and pertnefs of this inter- 
 ruption ; bur, recompofing himielf, anfwered with 
 that cool contempt that becomes a great man, " I did 
 " not mean astronomical days, but political ones.'" 
 The young fellow replied, " O then, fir, I am your 
 " fervant," and went off in a laugh. 
 
 Thus informed and edified, I went off too, hut 
 couid not help reflecting in my way upon the fmguiar 
 ill-luck of this my dear country, which, as long as 
 ever J remember it, and as far back as I have read r 
 has always been governed by the only two or three 
 people, out of two or three millions, totally incapa- 
 ble of governing, and unfit to be trufted. But thcfe 
 reflections were loon interrupted by numbers of peo- 
 ple, whom I obferved crowding into a public houlc. 
 Among them I discovered my worthy friend and taylor, 
 that induftrious mechanic, Mr. Regnier. I applied 
 to him, to know the meaning of that concourfe ; to 
 which, with his ufual humanity, he anfwered, " We 
 * are the m after- taylors, who are to meet to-night to 
 ** confider what is to be done about our journeymen, 
 " who infult and impofe upon us, to the great detri- 
 * ment of trade." I aflced him whether, under his 
 protection, I might flip in and hear their deliberations ? 
 He faid, " Yes, and welcome ; for that they mould 
 " do nothing to be afhamed of.** I profited of this 
 permiffion, and, following him into the room, found 
 a confiderable number of thefe ingenious artifts af- 
 fembled, and waiting only for the arrival of my friend, 
 wh.o it fcerns was too considerable for bufincfs to 
 
 begin
 
 3i8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 begin Without him. He accordingly took the lead, 
 opened the meeting with a Very handfome fpeech, in 
 which he gave many inftances of the infolence, the 
 unreafonablenefs, and the exorbitant demandsj of the 
 journeymen taylors, and concluded with obfervingj 
 * e that, if the government minded any thing now-a- 
 " days but themfelves, fuch abufes would not have 
 " been fufFered ; and, had they been but attempted 
 " in queen Elizabeth's days, fhe would have worked 
 " them with a witnefs." Another orator then rofe 
 up to fpeak ; but, as I was fure that he could fay no- 
 thing better than what had juft fallen from my worthy- 
 friend, I {Vole off unobferved, and was purfuing my 
 xvay home, when in the very next ftreet I difcovered a 
 much greater number of people, though by their 
 drefs of feemingly inferior note, rulhing into another 
 public-houfe* As numbers always excite my cu- 
 riofity, almoft as much as they do each other's paf- 
 fions, I crowded in with them, in order to difcovef 
 the object of this meeting, not without fome fufpi- 
 cion that this frequent fenate might be compofed o 
 the journeymen taylors, and convened in oppofition 
 to that which I had juft left* My fufpicion was foon 
 confirmed by the eloquence of a journeyman, a finiftier 
 I prefume, who expatiated, with equal warmth and 
 dignity, upon the injustice and oppreflion of the matter 
 taylors, to the utter ruin of thoufands of poor jour- 
 neymen and their families ; and concluded with af- 
 ferting, " it was a fhame that the government and 
 " the parliament did not take care of fuch abufes ; 
 " and that, had the maftcr taylors done thefe things 
 
 "in
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLV. XLVI. 3 i f 
 u in queen Elizabeth's days, fhe would have maftercd 
 u them with a vengeance, fo fhe would." 
 
 I confefs 1 could not help fmiling at this fingular 
 conformity of fendments, and almoft of expreffions, 
 of the mafter politicians, the mafter taylors, and the 
 journeymen taylors. I am convinced that the two 
 latter really and honeftly believed what they faid ; it 
 not being in the leaft improbable that their under- 
 ftandings mould be the dupes of their interefts : but 
 1 will not fo peremptorily anfwer for the interior con- 
 viction of the political orator, though at the fame 
 time I mud do him the juftice to fay, he feemed full 
 dull enough to be very much in earneft. 
 
 The feveral fcenes of this day fuggefted to me 
 when I got home various reflections, which perhaps 
 I may communicate to my readers in fome future 
 paper. 
 
 XLVf. 
 SPEECH ON THE LICENSING BILL. 
 
 THE editor, being defirous of giving a fpecimen of 
 lord Chefterftdd's eloquence, has made choice of 
 the three following fpeeches , the firil in theftrong 
 nervous flyle of Demoflhenes -, the two latter, in the 
 witty, ironical manner of Tully. That he had 
 ftudied with attention thefe great models, and en- 
 deavoured to imitate them, will not efcape the no- 
 tice of thofe, who will be at the trouble of compar- 
 ing their orations with his. But his imitation is that 
 of a man of genius and tafle, who improves whatever 
 
 he
 
 > LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 he touches, not of that herd of retailers fo juftty 
 
 diftinguifhed by the name of imitatores, fertile 
 
 pecus. 
 
 The firft abftracl: of this fpeech, on the licenfing 
 bill, appeared in Fog's Journal, N5. It was in- 
 correct and defective, efpecially in the part relating 
 to the line of the poet, applied to Po'mpey. This 
 gave a handle to the authors of the Gazetteer, ever 
 on the watch on thefe occafions, to fall upon the 
 noble fpeaker, and to refer him to TulTy, to whom 
 we owe the fulled account of this occurrence, Ep. 
 tid Alt. II. 19. Their triumph was fhort, and the 
 fpeech was publimed in the Magazines the very 
 next month, probably not without the earl's cori- 
 fent, and thence verbatim in the debates of the 
 houfe of lords, vol. V. p. 210. ^The following 
 abftracl: from thefe will be fufficient to give an idea: 
 of the fubjedl: of the difcourfe. " The only re- 
 " markable (occurrence) of this feffion, which re- 
 ** mains to be taken notice of, is contained in the pro- 
 * c ceedings upon the bill, to explain and amend fo 
 " much of an ad: made in the twelfth year of the reign' 
 " of queen Anne, entituled^ An aft for reducing the 
 *' laws relating to rogues \ vagabonds, fturdy beggars 
 " and vagrants, into one aft of parliament , and for 
 " the more effectual punijhing fuch rogues, vagabonds ,- 
 "fturdy beggars, and vagrants, and fen'ding them 
 4( whither they Ought to be fent, as relates to common 
 ** players of interludes. The bill, which was pafled 
 <c into a law, and remains flill in force, was of- 
 f< dered By the houfe of commons to be prepared 
 <* and brought-in on Friday the aoth of May, and 
 7 " was
 
 MISCELLANEOUS" PIECES. XLVI. 3 
 " was occafioned by a farce called the golden rump, 
 " which had been brought to the then matter 
 " the theatre in Lincoln's-inn-fields, who, upon 
 " perufal, found it was defigned as a libel upon 
 " the government, and therefore, inftead of having 
 " it acted, he carried it to a gentleman concerned 
 " in the adminiftration -, and he having commu- 
 " nicated it to fome other members of the houle of 
 " commons, it was relblved to move for leave to 
 " bring-in a bill for preventing any fuch attempt 
 " for the future , and the motion being complied 
 " with by that houle upon the 2Oth of May, 1737, 
 " the bill was brought-in on Tuefday the 24th, 
 " and paffed through both houles with fuch dif- 
 " patch, that it was ready for the royal afient by 
 " Wednefday the 8th of June, and accordingly re- 
 u ceived the royal ailent on Tuefday the 21 it, 
 " when his majefty put an end to this feflion of 
 " parliament. 
 
 " In both houfes there were long debates, and 
 u great oppofuion to this bill, in every ftcp it 
 " made; and in the houfe of lords the following 
 " is the fubftance of what was faid by the earl 
 " of Chefterfield again ft it, viz : 
 
 T 
 
 "MY LORDS, 
 H E bill now before you I apprehend to be of 
 
 a very extraordinary, a very dangerous, nature. 
 It feems defigned not only as a reftraint on the licen- 
 tioufnefs of the itage ; but it will prove a moll arbi- 
 
 * One Mr. GiiFard, u-ho had removed thither \vith a company of 
 players from GoodmunVfickis, where he h;;d a :hc:;t:v, v, h:... 
 iilenced by this \cr\~ act. 
 
 VOL. II. Y trarv
 
 3 22 LORD CHESTERFIELD-' S. 
 trary reftraint on the liberty of the ftage ; and I fear 
 it looks yet further, I fear it tends towards a reftraint 
 on, the liberty of the prefs, which will be a long ftride 
 towards the deftruc~lion of liberty kfelf. It is not only 
 a bill, rny lords, of a very extraordinary nature, but 
 it has been brought in at a very extraordinary feafon, 
 and pufhed with moft extraordinary difpatch. When 
 I confidered how near it was to the end of the feffion, 
 and how long this feffiorr had been protracted beyond 
 the ufual time of the year ; when I confidered that 
 this bill pafled through the other houfe with fo much 
 precipitancy, as even to get the ftart of a bill which 
 deferved all the refpecl:, and all the difpatch, the 
 forms of either houfe of parliament could admit of;- 
 it fet me upon inquiring, what could be the reafon 
 for introducing this bill at fo unfeafonable a time, and 
 preffing it forward in a manner fo very fingular and 
 uncommon. I have made all poffible inquiry ; and as 
 yet, I muft confeis, I am at a lofs to find out the great 
 occafion. I have, it is true, learned from common 
 report without doors, that a moft feditious, a moft 
 heinous farce had been offered to one of the theatres, 
 a farce for which the authors ought to be punifhed 
 in the moft exemplary manner : but what was the 
 cqnfequence? The mafter of that theatre behaved as 
 he was in duty bound, and as common prudence di- 
 rected : he not only refufed to bring it upon the ilage, 
 but carried it to a certain honorable gentleman in the 
 adminiftration, as the fureft method of having it ab- 
 folutely fuppreffed. Could this be the occafion of in- 
 troducing fuch an extraordinary bill, at fuch an ex- 
 traordinary feafon, and pufhing it in fo extraordinary 
 
 a man-
 
 MISCELLANEOUS P I E C E S. XLVI. 323 
 
 a manner ? Surely no : The dutiful behaviour of 
 the players, the prudent caution they fhewed upon 
 that occafion, can never be a reafon for fubjecting 
 them to fuch an arbitrary reftraint: it is an argument 
 in their favour ; and a material one, in my opinion, 
 againft the bill. Nay farther, if we confider all cir- 
 cumftances, it is to me a full proof that the laws now 
 in being are fufficient for punifhing thofe players who 
 {hall venture to bring any feditious libel upon the ftage, 
 and confequently fufficient for deterring all the players 
 from acting any thing that may have the lead tendency 
 towards giving a reafonable offence. 
 
 I do not, my lords, pretend to be a lawyer, I do not 
 pretend to know perfectly the power and extent of our 
 laws ; but I have converted with thofe that do, and 
 by them I have been told, that our laws are fufficient 
 for puniming any perfon that mail dare to reprefent 
 upon the ftage what may appear, either by the words 
 or the reprefentation, to be blafphemous, feditious, or 
 immoral. I muft own, indeed, I have obferved of 
 late a remarkable licentioufnefs in the ftage. There 
 have but very lately been two plays acted, which one 
 would have thought mould have given the greateft 
 offence ; and yet both were fuffered to be often re- 
 prefented without difturbance, without cenfure. In 
 one * the author thought fit to reprefent the three 
 great profeflions, religion, phyfic, and law, as incon- 
 fiiknt with common fenfe : in the other f , a mod 
 tragical (lory was brought upon the ftage, a cataflrophe 
 too recent, too melancholy, and of too folemn a na- 
 ture, to be heard of any where but from the pulpit. 
 
 * Pgfquin, a comedy. f King Charles I, a tragedy. 
 
 Y 2 HOW
 
 324 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 How theie pieces came to pafs unpunifhed, I do not 
 know ; if I am rightly informed, it was not for \vanc 
 of law, but for want of profecmion, without which 
 no law can be made effectual : but if there was any 
 neglect in this cafe, I am convinced it was not with a 
 dcfign to prepare the minds of the people, and to 
 make them think a new law neceflary. 
 
 Our ftage ought certainly, my lords, to be kept 
 within due bounds , but for this, our laws, as they 
 ftand at prefent, are fufficient. If our ftage-players 
 at any time exceed thofe bounds, they ought to be 
 proiecuted, they may be punifhed : we have prece- 
 dents, we have examples of perfons having been 
 punifiied for tilings leis criminal than either of the 
 two pieces I have mentioned. A new law muft 
 therefore be unneceflary, and in the prefent cafe it 
 cannot be unneceffary without being dangerous : every 
 unnecerTary reftraint on licemioufnefs is a fetter upon 
 the legs, is a fhackle upon the hands, of liberty. One 
 of the greateft bleffings we enjoy, one of the greateft 
 bleffings a people, my lords, ~an enjoy, is liberty ; 
 but every good in this life has its alloy of evil. Li- 
 centioufnefs is the alloy of liberty : it is an ebullition, 
 an excrefcence ; it is a fpeck upon the eye of the poli- 
 tical body, which I can never touch but with a gentle, 
 with a trembling hand, left I dellroy the body, left I 
 injure the eye upon which it is apt to appear. If the 
 ftage becomes at any time licentious, if a play ap- 
 pears to be a libel upon the government, or upon any 
 particular man, the king's courts are open, the law 
 is fufficient for puniming the offender; and in this 
 ca'e the perfon injured has a fingular advantage, he 
 
 can
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 325 
 can be under no difficulty to prove who is the pub- 
 Jifher ; the players themfelvcs are the publifhers, and 
 there can be no want of evidence to convict them. 
 
 But, my lords, fuppofe it true, that the laws now 
 in being are not fufiicient for putting a check to, or 
 preventing, the licentioufnefs of the ftage ; fuppofe 
 it abfolutely neceflary fome new law fhould be made 
 for that purpole : yet it muft be granted, that fuch a 
 law ought to be maturely confidered, and every claufe, 
 every fentence, nay every word of it, well- weighed 
 and examined, left, under fome of thofe methods pre- 
 ilimed or pretended to be neceflary for reftraining 
 licentioufnefs, a power fhoukl lie concealed, which 
 might be afterwards made ufe of for giving a dan- 
 gerous wound to liberty. Such a law ought not to 
 be introduced at the dole of a feffion ; nor ought we, 
 in the pafTing of fuch a law, to depart from any of 
 the forms prefcribed by our anccftors for preventing 
 deceit and furprize. There is fuch a connection 
 between licentioufnefs and liberty, that it is not eafy 
 to correct the one, without dangeroufly wounding 
 the other; it is extremely hard to diftinguifll the true 
 limit between them : like a changeable filk, we can 
 eafily lee there are two different colors, but we cannot 
 eafily difcover where the one cads, or where the other 
 begins. There can be no great and immediate dan- 
 ger from the licentioufnefs of the ftage : I hope it will 
 not be pretended, that our government may, before 
 next winter, be overturned by fuch licentioufnefs, even 
 though our fhige we're at prefent under no fort of 
 controul. Why then may we not delay till next 
 fcffion pafling any law againft the licentiouihefs of 
 y the
 
 3*6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 the ftage ? Neither our government can be altered, 
 nor our conftitution overturned, by fuch a delay , 
 but by pafling a law rafhly and unadvifedly, our con- 
 ftitution may at once be deftroyed, and our govern- 
 ment rendered arbitrary. Can we then put a fmall, a. 
 fhort-lived inconvenience in the balance with per- 
 petual flavery ? Can it be fuppofed, that a parlia- 
 ment of Great Britain will fo much as rifk the latter, 
 for the fake of avoiding the former ? 
 
 Surely, my lords, this is not to be expected, were 
 the licentioufnefs of the ftage much greater than it is, 
 were the infufficiency of our laws more obvious than 
 can be pretended -, but when we complain of the 
 licentioufnefs. of the ftage, and the infufficiency of 
 our laws, I fear we have more reafon to complain of 
 bad meafures in pur polity, and a general decay of 
 virtue and morality among the people. In public as 
 well as private life, the only way to prevent being ri- 
 diculed or cenfured, is to avoid all ridiculous or 
 wicked meafures, and to purfue fuch only as are vir- 
 tuous and worthy. The people never endeavour to 
 ridicule thofe they love and elleem, nor will they 
 fuffer them to be ridiculed : if any one attempts it, 
 the ridicule returns upon the author ; he makes him- 
 felf only the objecl: of public hatred and contempt. 
 The actions or behaviour of a private man may pafs 
 unobferved, and conlequently unapplauded, uncen- 
 fured ; but the aclions of thofe in high ftations can 
 neither pafs without notice, nor without cenfure or 
 applaufe j and therefore an adminiftration, without 
 eiteem, without authority among the people, let their 
 power be never fo great, let their power be never fo 
 
 arbitrary ^
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 32? 
 arbitrary, will be ridiculed : the fevered edicts, the 
 molt terrible punimments, cannot prevent it. If any 
 man therefore thinks he has been cenfured, if any 
 man thinks he has been ridiculed, upon any of our 
 public theatres, let him examine his actions, he will 
 find the caufe ; let him alter his conduct, he will find 
 a remedy. As no man is perfect, as no man is in- 
 fallibk, the greateft may err, the moft circumfpect 
 may be guilty of fome piece of ridiculous behaviour. 
 It is not licentioufnefs, it is an ufeful liberty always 
 indulged the ftage in a free country, that fomc great 
 men may there meet with a juft reproof, which none 
 of their friends will be free enough, or rather faithful 
 enough, to give them. Of this we have a famous 
 inftance in the Roman hiftory. The great Pompey, 
 after the many victories he had obtained, and the great 
 conquefts he had made, had certainly a good title to 
 the efteem of the people of Rome ; yet that great 
 man, by fome error in his conduct, became an object 
 of general diflike ; and therefore in the reprefentation 
 of an old play, when Diphilus, the actor, came to re- 
 peat thefe words, Ncftra miferia tu es Magnus, the 
 audience immediately applied them to Pompey, who 
 at that time was as well known by the name Magnus, 
 as by the name Pompey, and were fo highly pleafed 
 with the fatire, that, as Cicero fays, they made him 
 repeat the words a hundred times over. An account 
 of this was immediately fent to Pompey, who, inftead 
 of refenting it as an injury, was ib wife as to take it 
 for a juft reproof; he examined his conduct, he nl-^ 
 tered his meafures, he regained by degrees the 
 of the people, and therefore neither feared 
 Y 4 the
 
 3 2 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the wit, nor felt the fatire, of the ftage. This is an 
 example which ought to be followed by great men 
 in all countries. Such accidents will often happen 
 in every free country ; and many fuch would proba- 
 bly have afterwards happened at Rome, if they had 
 continued to enjoy their liberty : but this fort of li- 
 berty on the itage came loon after, I fuppofe, to be 
 called licentioufnefs -, for we are told that Auguftus, 
 after having eftablimed his empire, reilored order in 
 Rome by retraining licentioufneis. God forbid ! we 
 fhould in this country have order reltored, or licen- 
 tbufnefs reitrained, at fo dear a rate as the people of 
 Rome paid for it to Auguftus. 
 
 In thi cafe I have mentioned, my lords, it was not 
 the poet that wrote, for it was an old play ; nor the 
 players that acted, for they only repeated the words 
 of the play : it was the people who pointed the fatire ; 
 and the cale will always be the fame. When a man 
 has the. misfortune to incur the hatred or contempt 
 of the people, when public meafures are ddpifed, 
 the audience will apply what never was, what could 
 not be, defigned as a fatire on the prefent times , 
 nay, even though the people mould not apply, thofe, 
 who are confcicus of the wickednefs or weaknefs of 
 their conduct, will take -to themfelves what the au- 
 thor never defigned. A public thief is as apt to take 
 the fatire, as he is apt to take the money, which 
 was never defigned for him. We have an inltance 
 of this in the cafe of a famous comedian of the lalt 
 age; a comedian who was not only a good poet, but 
 an honeft man, and a quiet and good fubjccr.. The 
 famous Moliere, when he wrote his TartufFc, which 
 
 is
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 32 g 
 is certainly an excellent and a good moral comedy, 
 did not defign to fatyrize any great man of that age ; 
 yet a great man in France at that time took it to 
 himfelf, and fancied the author had taken him as a 
 model for one of the principal, and one of the worft, 
 characters in that comedy : by good luck he was 
 not the licenfer, otherwife the kingdom of France 
 had never had the pleaiure, the happinets I may- 
 lay, of feeing that play acted j but, when the players 
 firft purpofed to act it at Paris, he had intereft enough 
 to get it forbid. Moliere, who knew himfelf inno- 
 cent of what was laid to his charge, complained to 
 his patron the prince of Conti, that as his play was 
 defigned only to expofe hypocrify, and a falfe pre- 
 tence to religion, it was very hard it fliould be for- 
 bid being acted , when at the fame time they were 
 fuffered to expofe religion itfelf every night publicly 
 upon the Italian ftage : to which the prince wittily 
 anfwered, " It is true, Moliere, Harlequin ridicules 
 " heaven, and expofes religion ; but you have done 
 " much vvorfe, you have ridiculed the firft minirter 
 *' of religion." 
 
 I am as much for retraining the licentioufnefs of 
 the ilage, and every fort of licentioufnefs, as any of 
 your lordQiips can be : but, my lords, I am, I fhall 
 always be, extremely cautious and fearful of making 
 the lead encroachment upon liberty ; and therefore, 
 when a new Jaw is propoied againil licentioufnds, I 
 fhall always be for confidering it deliberately and 
 maturely, before I venture to give my confcnt to its- 
 being palfed. This is a fuiTicient rcafon tor my 
 being againit patting this bill at fo unlcalonabic a 
 
 time,
 
 53<s LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 time, and in fo extraordinary a manner ; but I have 
 many reafons for being againft patting the bill itfelf, 
 ibme of which I (hall beg leave to explain to your 
 lord (hi ps. 
 
 The bill, my lords, at firft view, may feem to be 
 ckfigned only againft the ftage ; but to me it plainly 
 appears to point fomewhere elfe. It is an arrow, 
 that does but glance upon the ftage ; the mortal 
 wound feems defigned againft the liberty of the prefs. 
 By this bill you prevent a play's being afted, but 
 you do net prevent its being printed ; therefore, if a 
 licence mould be refufed for its being a&ed, we may 
 depend upon it the play will be printed. It will 
 be printed and published, my lords, with the refufal 
 in capital letters on the title page. People are al- 
 ways fond of what is forbidden. Libri probHriti (pro- 
 hibited books) are in all countries diligently and ge- 
 nerally fought after. It will be much eafier to pro- 
 cure a refufal, than it ever was to procure a good 
 houfe, or a good fale ; therefore we may expecl, that 
 plays will be wrote on purpofe to have a refufal ; 
 this will certainly procure a good houfe or a good 
 file. Thus will fatires be fprea'd and difperfed 
 through the whole nation, and thus every man in 
 the kingdom may, and probably will, read for fix- 
 pence what a few only could have feen acted, and 
 that not under the expence of half a crown. We 
 mall then be told, What ! will you allow an infa- 
 mous libel to be printed and dilperfed, which you 
 would not allow to be acted ? You have agreed to a 
 law to prevent its being acled : can you refufe your 
 aflcnt tq a law to prevent its being printed and pub-
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 3Jl 
 limed ? I mould really, my lords, be glad to hear, 
 what excufe, what reafon one could give for being 
 againft the latter, after having agreed to the former ; 
 for, I proteft, I cannot fuggeft to myfelf the lead 
 fhadow of an excufe. If we agree to the bill now 
 before us, we muft, perhaps, next feflion, agree to a 
 bill for preventing any plays being printed without a 
 licence. Then fatires will be wrote by way of no- 
 vels, fecret hiftories, dialogues, or under fome fuch 
 title ; and thereupon we fhall be told, What ! will 
 you allow an infamous libel to be printed and dif- 
 perfed, only becaufe it does not bear the title of a 
 play ? Thus, my lords, from the precedent now be- 
 fore us, we (hall be induced, nay we can find no rea- 
 fon for refufing, to lay the prefs under a general li- 
 cence, and then we may bid adieu to the liberties of 
 Great Britain. 
 
 But fuppofe, my lords, it were neceflary to make 
 a new law for reftraining the licentioufnefs of the 
 ftage, which I am very far from granting ; yet I (hall 
 never be for eftabliming fuch a power as is propoled 
 by this bill. If poets and players are to be reftrained, 
 let them be reftrained as other fubjecls are, by the 
 known laws of their country : if they offend, let them 
 be tried, as every Englifhman ought to be, by Go4 
 and their country ; do not let us fubject them to the 
 arbitrary will and plealure of any one man. A 
 power lodged in the hands of one fingle man, to 
 judge and determine, without any limitation, without 
 any controul or appeal, is a fort of power unknown 
 to our laws, inconfiilent with our conftitution. It is 
 3, higher, a more abfolute power than we truft even 
 
 to
 
 332 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 to the king himfelf ; and therefore, I muft think, we 
 ought not to Veftany fuch power in his majefty's lord 
 chamberlain. When. I fay this, I am fure, I do not 
 mean to give the leaft, the moft diftant, offence to the 
 noble duke * who now fills the poft of lord cham- 
 berlain ; his natural candor and love of juftice would 
 nor, I know, permit him to exercife any power, but 
 with the ftriclcft regard to the rules of juftice and 
 humanity. Were we lure his fucceflbrs in that high 
 office would always be perfons of fuch diftinguimed 
 merit, even the power eftablifhed by this bill could 
 give no further alarm, than left it fhould be made a 
 precedent for introducing other new powers of the 
 fame nature. This, indeed, is an alarm which cannot 
 be avoided, which cannot be prevented, by any hope, 
 by any Con fide rat ion 5 it is an alarm, which, I think, 
 every man muft take, who has a due regard to the 
 confutation and liberties of his country. 
 
 1 mall admit, my lords, that the ftage ought not, 
 upon any occafion, to meddle with politics , and for 
 this very reafon, among the reft, I am againft the bill 
 now before us. This bill will be fo far from pre- 
 venting the ftage's meddling with politics, that, I 
 fear, it will be the occafion of its meddling with no- 
 thing elfe ; but then it will be a political ftage ex 
 parte. It will be made fiibfervient to the politics and 
 the fchemes of the court only ; the licentioufnefs of 
 the ftage will be encouraged, inftead of being re- 
 flraine,d, but, like court-journalifts, it will be licen- 
 tious only againft the patrons of liberty, and the 
 protectors of the people : whatever man, whatever 
 
 * The duke of Grafton. 
 
 party,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 5:3 
 party, oppofes the court in any of their moft deftruc- 
 tive fchemes, will, upon the ftage, be reprefented in 
 the moft ridiculous light the hirelings of a court can 
 contrive. True patriotifm, and love of public good, 
 will be reprefented as madnefs, or as a cloak for envy, 
 difappointment, and malice-, whiltt the moft flagi- 
 tious crimes, the moft extravagant vices and follies, 
 if they are falhionable at court, will be difguifed and 
 drefied-up in the habit of the moft amiable virtues. 
 This has formerly been the cafe in king Charles the 
 fecond's days : the playhoufe was under a licence, what 
 was the conlequence? The playhoufe retailed nothing 
 but the polities', the vices, and the follies of the court ; 
 not to expofe them, no, but to recommend them, 
 though it muft be granted their politics were often 
 as bad as their vices, and much more pernicious than 
 their other follies. It is true, the court had at that 
 time a great deal of wit, it was then indeed full of 
 men of true wit and great humor -, but it was the more 
 dangerous, for the courtiers did then, as thorough- 
 paced courtiers always will do, they facrificed their 
 honor by making their wit and their humor fub- 
 fervient to the court only ; and, what made it Hill 
 more dangerous, no man could appear upon the ftage 
 againft them. We know that Dryden, the poet- 
 Jaureat of that reign, always reprefents the cavaliers 
 as honeft, brave, merry fellows, and fine gentlemen ; 
 indeed his fine gentleman, as he generally draws him, 
 is an acheiilical, lewd, abandoned fellow, whic.. 
 at that time*, it feems, the faihionable charac:. 
 court ; on the other hand, he always reprefents t;.. 
 fenrers as hypocritical, dilTembling rogues, or ftupid 
 
 fcnklefs
 
 3 j4> LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fenfelefs boobies. When the court had a mind to fall 
 out with the Dutch, he wrote his Amboyna*, in 
 which he reprefents the Dutch as a pack of avaritious, 
 cruel, ungrateful rafcals : and when the exclufion- 
 bill was moved in parliament, he wrote his Duke of 
 Guife-f, in which thofe who were for preferving and 
 fecuring the religion of their country, were expofed 
 under the character of the duke of Guife and his 
 party, who leagued together for excluding Henry IV. 
 of France from the throne, on the account of his re- 
 ligion. The city of London too was made to feel 
 the partial and mercenary licentioufnefs of the ftage 
 at that time ; for the citizens having at that time, as 
 well as now, a great deal of property, they had a mind 
 to preferve that property, and therefore they oppofed 
 fome of the arbitrary meafures which were then begun, 
 but purfued more openly in the following reign ; for 
 which reafon they were then always reprefented upon 
 the ftage as a parcel of defigning knaves, difTembling 
 hypocrites, griping ufurers, and cuckolds into the 
 bargain. 
 
 My lords, the proper bufinefs of the ftage, and 
 that for which only it is ufeful, is to expole thofe 
 vices and follies, which the laws cannot lay hold of; 
 and to recommend thofe beauties and virtues, which 
 minifters and courtiers feldom either imitate or re- 
 
 * This is not quite exaft. The Dutch war began in 1672. The 
 play was acted and printed in 1673. 
 
 J- This was certainly a party-play, though the occafion of it may- 
 be doubted. It made its appearance in 1683, and was violently at- 
 tacked by the Whigs. If lord CheUerfield had implicitly adopted 
 the opinions of his grandfather Halifax, he would farcely have 
 fpdkeu, as he does here, of the esduiiou-bill. 
 
 ward.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 53; 
 ward. But by laying it under a licence, and under an 
 arbritrary court-licence too, you will, in my opinion, 
 entirely pervert its ufe : for though I have the greateft 
 efteem for that noble duke, in whofe hands this 
 power is at prefent defigned to fall, though I have an 
 entire confidence in his judgment and impartiality; 
 yet I may fuppofe that a leaning towards the fafhions 
 of a court is fometimes hard to be avoided. It may 
 be very difficult to make one, who is every day at 
 court, believe that to be a vice or folly, which he fees 
 daily practifed by thofe he loves and efteems. By 
 cuftom, even deformity itfelf becomes familiar, and 
 at laft agreeable. To fuch a perfon, let his natural 
 impartiality be never fo great, that may appear to be 
 a libel againft the court, which is only a moft juftand 
 a moft neceflary fatire upon the fafhionable vices and 
 follies of the court. Courtiers, my lords, are too 
 polite to reprove one another ; the only place where 
 they can meet with any juft reproof, is a free though 
 not a licentious ftage ; and as every fort of vice and 
 folly, generally in all countries, begins at court, and 
 from thence fpreads through the country, by laying 
 the ftage under an arbitrary court-licence, inftead of 
 leaving it what it is, and always ought to be, a gentle 
 fcourge for the vices of great men and courtiers, you 
 will make it a canal for propagating and conveying 
 their vices and follies through' the whole kingdom. 
 
 From hence, my lords, I think it muft appear, 
 that the bill now before us cannot fo properly be cal- 
 led a bill for retraining licentioufnefs, as it may be 
 called a bill for retraining the liberty of the ftage, 
 and for reftraining it too in that branch which, in all 
 
 countries,
 
 336 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 countries, has been the moll ufeful ; therefore I 
 mull look upon this bill as a mod dangerous en- 
 croachment upon liberty in general. Nay, farther, 
 my lords, it is not only an encroachment upon li- 
 berty, but it is likevvife an encroachment upon pro- 
 perty. Wit, my lords, is a fort of property : it is 
 the property of thofe who have it, and too often the 
 only property they have to depend on. It is indeed 
 but a precarious dependence. Thank God ! we, my 
 lords, have a dependence of another kind ; we have 
 a much lefs precarious fupport, and therefore cannoc 
 feel the inconveniencies of the bill now before us ; 
 but it is our duty to encourage and protect wit, whole- 
 foever's property it may be. Thofe gentlemen who 
 have any fuch property, are all, I hope, our friends. 
 Do not let us fubjecl: them to any unneceflary or ar- 
 bitrary reilraint. I mull own^ J cannot eafily agree 
 to the, laying of any tax upon wit ; but by this bill 
 it is to be heavily taxed, it is to be exciied ; for, if 
 this bill paiTes, it cannot be retailed in a proper way 
 without a permit, and the lord chamberlain is to have 
 the honor of being chief-gauger, fupervifor, comif- 
 fioner, judge, and jury. But what is dill more hard, 
 though the poor author, the proprietor I fhould fay, 
 cannot perhaps dine till he has found out and agreed 
 with a purchafer , yet, before he can propofe to 
 feek for a purchafer, he muft patiently fubmit to 
 have his goods rummaged at this new excile- office, 
 where they may be detained for fourteen days, and 
 even then he may find them returned as prohibited 
 goods, by which his chief and bed market will be 
 for ever (hut againft him ; and that without any 
 i caule,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. .77 
 caufe, without the teaft madow of reafon, either 
 from the laws of his country, or the laws of the 
 ft age. 
 
 Thefe hardfhips, this hazard, \vhich every gentle-" 
 man will be expofed to, who writes any thing for 
 the ftage, muft certainly prevent every man of a ge- 
 nerous and free fpirit from attempting any thing in 
 that way ; and, as the ftage has always been the pro- 
 per channel for wit and humour, therefore, my lords, 
 when I fpeak againft this bill, I mult think, I plead 
 the caufc of wit, I plead the caufe of hurnonr, I plead 
 the caufe of the Britifh ftage, and of every gentle- 
 man of tafte in the kingdom. But it is not, my 
 lords, for the fake of wit only ; even for the fake of 
 his majefty's lord chamberlain, I muft be againft this 
 bill. The noble duke who has now the honor to 
 execute that office hus, Kara, fure, as little inclina- 
 tion to difoblige as any man-, but, if this bill pafles, 
 he muft dilbblige, he may difoblige fome of his moft 
 intimate friends. It is impoflible to write a play, 
 but fome of the characters, or fome of the fatire, 
 may be interpreted fo as to point at fome perfon 
 or another, perhaps at fome perfon in an eminent 
 ftation. When it comes to be acted, the people will 
 make the application ; and the perfon againft whom 
 the application is made will think himfelf injured, 
 and will at leaft privately rcfent it : at prefent this 
 refentment can be directed only againft the author ; 
 but, when an author's play appears with my lord 
 chamberlain's paflport, every fnch refeinment will be 
 turned from the author, and pointed directly againft 
 the lord chamberlain, who by his ftamp made the 
 
 VOL. II. Z iece
 
 53 3 L O R D C II E S T E R F I E L D ' S 
 piece current. What an unthankful office are we 
 : therefore by this bill to put upon his majefty's lord 
 chamberlain ! an office which can no way contribute 
 to his honor or profit, and fuch a one as muft necef- 
 Jarily gain him a great deal of ill-will, and create 
 .him a number of enemies. 
 
 The laft reafon I mall trouble your lordfhips with, 
 .for my being againft the bill, is that, in my opinion, 
 it will in no way anfwer the end propofed : I mean 
 the end openly propofed ; and I am fure the only end 
 which your lordmips propofe. To prevent the ad- 
 ing of a play which has any tendency to blafphemy, 
 .immorality, fedition, or private fcandal, can fignify 
 nothing, unlefs you can prevent its being printed an.d 
 publifhed. On the contrary, if you prevent its being 
 . acted, and admit of its being printed, you will pro- 
 pagate the mifchief: your prohibition will prove a 
 bellows, which will blow up the fire you intend to 
 extinguim. This bill can therefore be of no ufe for 
 preventing either the public or the private injury in- 
 tended by fuch a play ; and consequently can be of 
 no manner of ufe, unlefs it be defigned as a prece- 
 dent, as a leading ftep towards another for fubjecling 
 the prefs likewife to a licenfer. For fuch a wicked 
 purpofe it may indeed be of great ufe ; and in that 
 light it may molt properly be called a ftep towards 
 arbitrary pov/er. 
 
 Let us conficier, my lords, that arbitrary power has 
 feldorn or never been introduced into any country at 
 once. It muft be introduced by flow degrees, and as 
 it were ftep by ftep, left the people mould perceive 
 its approach. The barriers and fences of the people's 
 2 " Ijberty
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVI. 339 
 liberty muft be plucked up one by one, and fome 
 plaufible pretences muft be found for removing or 
 hood-winking, one after another, thofe fentries who 
 v are polled by the conftitution of a free country, . for 
 warning the people of their danger. When thefc 
 preparatory fteps are once made, the people may then, 
 indeed, with regret, fee flavery and arbitrary power 
 making long ftrides over their land, but it will be too 
 Jate to think of preventing or avoiding the impending 
 ruin. The ftage, my lords, and the prefs, are two of 
 our out-fentries ; if we remove them, if we hood- 
 wink them, if we throw them in fetters, the enemy 
 may furprize us. Therefore I muft look upon the 
 biii now before us as a ftep, and a moft neceffary ftep 
 too, for introducing arbitrary power into this king- 
 dom : it is a ftep fo necefiary, that if ever any future 
 ambitious king, or guilty minifter, mould form to 
 himfelf fo wicked a defign, he will have reafon to 
 thank us, for having done fo much of the work to 
 his hand ; but fuch thanks, or thanks from fuch a 
 man, I am convinced, every one of your lordfhips 
 would blulh to receive, and fcorn to deferve. 
 
 
 Z 2 XLVIL
 
 34 
 
 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S; 
 
 XLVIL 
 
 I*GRD CHESTERFFELD'S firfl fpeech on tiie Gin at *,. 
 Feb. 2 1, 1743, after the fecond reading of the Bill. 
 
 MY LORDS,, 
 
 TH E bill now under our confideration appears to 
 me to deferve a much cloier regard than leems 
 to have been paid to it in the other houfe, through 
 which it was hurried with the utmoft precipitation, 
 and where it paffcd almoft without the formality of a 
 debate ; nor can I think that earneftnefs, with which 
 fome lords feem inclined to prefs it forward here, 
 confifteat with the importance of the confequences 
 which may with great reafon be expecled from it. 
 
 It has been urged, that where fo great a number 
 have formed expectations of a national benefit from 
 any bill, fo much deference, at lead, is due to their 
 judgment, as that the bill fhouki be confidered in a 
 committee. This, my lords, I admit to be in other 
 cafes a juft and reafonable demand ;. and will readily 
 allow that the propofal, not only of a confidcrabler 
 number, but even of any fingle lord, ought to be- 
 fully examined, and regularly debated, according to 
 the ufual forms of this houfe. But in the prefent 
 
 * The aft (^parliament, that had beer, pafled nr the Qth year of 
 George II. by which no perlbti was permitted to fell ipirituous licjuor 
 in lefs quantity than two gallons, without a licence, for which 5.0 
 pounds was to be paid, having proved, from the difiiculties in the 
 execution, ineffectual to obftrud"): the progrefs of drunkennefs among 
 the common people ; a new bill was rnoved and palled in the houfe 
 pf commons, by which a fmall duty was laid on the fpirits/tr gallon 
 attheilill-hcad, and the price of licences reduced to twenty (hillings. 
 
 cafe, 
 
 I
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVII. 341 
 cafe, my lords, and in all cafes like the prefent, this 
 demand is improper, becaufe it is ull-lefs ; and it is 
 ufelefs, becaufe we can do -now all that we can do here- 
 After in a committee. For the bill before us is a 
 money-bill, which, according to the prefent opinion 
 of the commons, we have no right to amend, and 
 which therefore we have no need of confidering in a 
 committee, fince the event of all our deliberations 
 mud be, that we are either to reject or pafs it in its 
 prefent ftate. For I fuppofe no lord will think this a 
 proper time to enter into a controverfy with the com- 
 mons, for the revival of thofe privileges to which I 
 believe we have a right ; and fuch a controverfy, the 
 lead attempt to amend a money-bill will certainly 
 produce. 
 
 To defire therefore, my lords, that this bill may be 
 confidered in a committee, is only to defire that it may 
 gain one ftrp without oppofition ; that it may proceed 
 through the forms of the houie by (lealth, and that 
 the consideration of it may be delayed, till the exi- 
 gencies of the government mall be fo great, as not to 
 allow time for raifing the fupplies by any other me- 
 thod. 
 
 By this artifice, grofs as it is, the patrons of this 
 wonderful bill hope to obftrut a plain and open de- 
 tection of its tendency. They hope, my lords, that 
 the bill fhall operate in the fame manner with the 
 liquor which it is intended to bring into more general 
 ufe ; and that, as thole who drink fpirits are drunk 
 before they are well aware that they are drinking, the 
 effects of this law mall be perceived before we know 
 that we have made it. Their intent is, to give us a 
 Z 3 drum
 
 342 l^ORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 dram of policy, which is to be fwallowed before it is 
 tailed, and which, when once it is fwallowed, will turn 
 our heads. 
 
 But, my lords, I hope we mall be fo cautious as to 
 examine the draught which theie Hate empirics have 
 thought proper to offer us ; and I am confident that 
 a very little examination will convince us of the per- 
 nicious qualities of their new preparation, and fhew 
 that it can have no other effect than that of poifoning 
 the public. 
 
 The law before us, my lords, feems to be the effect 
 
 of that practice of which it is intended likewife to be 
 
 the caufe, and to be dictated by the liquor of which it 
 
 fo effectually promotes the ufe ; for furely it never 
 
 before wasconceivecL-by any man intruded with the 
 
 f admin iftration of public affairs, to raie taxes by the 
 
 f^^deftruction of the people. " 
 
 Nothing, my lords, but the deftruction of all 
 the moft laborious and ufeful part of the nation, can 
 be expected from the licence which is now propolbd 
 to be given, not only to drunkennefs, but to drunk- 
 ennefs of the moft detedable and dangerous kind, to 
 the abufe not only of intoxicating, but of poifonous 
 liquors. 
 
 Nothing, my lords, is more abiurd than to affert, 
 that the ufc of fpirits will be hindered by the bill now 
 before us, or indeed that it will not be in a very great 
 degree promoted by it. For what produces all kind 
 of wickednefs, but the profpect of impunity on one 
 part, or the folicitation of opportunity on the other ? 
 Either of thele have too frequently been fufficient to 
 overpower the fenfe of morality, and even of religion j 
 
 anc|
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVII. V j3 
 and what is not to be feared from them, when they 
 fhall unite their force, and operate together, when 
 temptations (hall be increafed, and terror taken away ? 
 
 It is allowed, by thofe who have hitherto difputed 
 on either fide of this queftion, that the people appear 
 obftinately enamoured of this new liquor ; it is al- 
 lowed on both parts, that this liquor corrupts the 
 mind, and enervates the body, and deftroys vigor and 
 virtue, at the fame time that it makes thofe who drink 
 it too idle and too feeble for work ; and, while it im- 
 poverifhes them by the prefent expence, difables them 
 from retrieving irs ill confequences by fubfequent in- 
 duftry. 
 
 "It might be imagined, my lords, that thofe who had 
 thus far agreed would not eafily find any occafions 
 of difpute ; nor would any man, unacquainted with 
 the motives by which parliamentary debates are too 
 often influenced, fufpect that after the pernicious qua- 
 lities of this liquor, and the general inclination among 
 the people to the immoderate ufe ef it, had been ge- 
 nerally admitted, it could be afterwards inquired, 
 whether it might to be made more common, whether 
 this univerfal thirft for poifon ought to be encouraged 
 by the legiilature, and whether a new ftatute ought 
 to be made, to fecure drunkards in the gratification 
 of their appetites. 
 
 To pretend, my lords, that the defign of this bill is 
 to prevent or diminifh the ufe of fpirits, is to trample 
 upon common fenfe, and to violate the rules of de- 
 cency as well as of rcafon. For when did any man 
 hear, that a commodity was prohibited by lice; 
 its fale, or that to offer and rtfufc is the fameacVion -?
 
 5 44 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 It is indeed pleaded, that it will be made dearer by 
 the tax whkh is propofcd, and that the increale of the 
 price will diminilh the number of the purchafers , 
 but it is $t the Tame time expected, that this tax 
 (hall fupply the expence of a war on the conti- 
 nent. It is afterted therefore, that the confumption 
 of fpirits will be hindcied -, and yet that it will be inch 
 as may be expeclcd to furnifti, from a very fmall tax, 
 a revenue fufficienc for the fupport of armies, for the 
 re-eftabVi(hment of the Au^rian family, arid the re- 
 preffing of the attempts of France. 
 
 Surely, my lords, thefe expectations are not very 
 confident j nor can it be imagined that they are both 
 formed in the fame head, though they may be ex- 
 prefied by the fame mouth. It is however fome re- 
 commendation of a ftatcfman, When, of his aOertions, 
 one can be found reafonable or true , and in this, 
 praife cannot be denied to our prefent minifters : for 
 though it is undoubtedly falfe, that this tax will leflen 
 the confumption of fpirits, it is certainly true that it 
 will produce a very large revenue, a revenue that 
 \vill not fail but with the people from whqfe de- 
 .baucheries ic arifes. 
 
 Our minifters will therefore have the fame honor 
 with their predeceflbrs, of having given rife to a new 
 fund, not indeed for the payment of our debts, but 
 for much more valuable purpofes, for the cheering of 
 our. hearts under opprefiion, and for the ready fupport 
 of thofe debts which we have loll hopes of paying. 
 They are refolved, my lords, that the nation^ which 
 po endeavours can make wife, mail, while they are at 
 jts head, at leaft be merry ; ^nd, fince public happi- 
 
 ne Is
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVII. 345 
 nefs is the end of government, they feem to imagine 
 that they (hall deferve applaufe by an expedient, 
 which will enable every man to lay his cares afleep, to 
 drown forrow, and lofe in the delights of drijnken- 
 nefs both the public miferies and his own. 
 
 Luxury, my lords, is to be taxed, but vice prohi- 
 bited, let the difficulties in executing the law be what 
 they will. Would you lay a tax upon a breach of 
 the ten commandments ? Would not fuch a tax be 
 wicked and fcandaious ; becaufe it would imply an 
 indulgence to all thofe who could pay the tax ? Is not 
 this a reproach moft juftly thrown by proteftants upon 
 the church of Rome ? Was it not the chief caufe of 
 the Reformation ? And will you follow a precedent 
 which brought reproach and ruin upon thofe that in- 
 troduced it ? This is the very cafe now before us. 
 You are going to lay a tax, and confequently to in- 
 dulge a fort of drunkennefs, which almoft neceflarily 
 produces a breach of every one of the ten command- 
 ments. Can you expect the reverend bench will ap r 
 prove of this ? I am convinced they will not, an4 
 therefore I wifh I had feen it full upon this occafion, 
 I am fure I have feen it much fuller upon fome 
 other occafions, in which religion had no fuch deep 
 concern. 
 
 We have already, my lords, feveral forts of funds in 
 this nation, fo many that a man mud have a good deal 
 of learning to be ma Her of them. Thanks to his 
 majefty, we have now amongft us the moft learned 
 jnan of the nation in this way. I with he would rile 
 Vp and tell us, what name we are to give to this new 
 fund. We have already the civil lift fund, the finking 
 
 fund,
 
 34& LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fund, the aggregate fund, the South-fea fund, and 
 God knows how many others. What name we are to 
 give to this new fund I know not, unlefs we are to 
 call it the drinking fund. It may perhaps enable the 
 people of a certain foreign territory to drink claret, 
 but it will difabla the people of this kingdom from 
 drinking any thing elfe but gin ; for, when a man 
 has, by gin-drinking, rendered himfelf unfit for labor 
 or bufinefs, he can purchafe nothing elfe, and then the 
 beft thing he can do is to drink on till he dies. 
 
 Surely, my lords, men of fuch unbounded bene- 
 volence, as our prefent minifters, deferve fuch honors 
 as were never paid before : they deierve to beftride a 
 butt upon every fign-poft in the city, or to have their 
 lieures exhibited as tokens where this liquor is to be 
 ibid by the licence which they have procured. They 
 rnuft be at leaft remembered to future ages, as the 
 happy politicians, who, after all expedients for raifing 
 taxes had been employed, difcovered a new method 
 of draining tire laft reliqucs of the public wealth, and 
 added a new revenue to the government : nor will 
 thole, who (hall hereafter enumerate the feveral funds 
 now eftablimed among us, forget among the bene- 
 factors to their country the illuftrious authors of the 
 drinking fund. 
 
 May I be allowed, my lords, to congratulate my 
 countrymen and fellow- fubjecls upon the happy times 
 which are now approaching, in which no man will be 
 difqualified from the privilege of being drunk ; when 
 all discontent and difloyalty fhall be forgotten, and 
 the people, though now coniidercd by the miniftry 
 enemies^ Ihall acknowledge tfce lenity of that 
 
 government,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIf. 347 
 government, under which all reftraints are taken 
 away ? 
 
 Bur, to a bill for fuch defirable purpofes, it would 
 be proper, my lords, to prefix a preamble, in which 
 the kindnefs of our intentions mould be more fully 
 explained, that the nation may not miftake our in- 
 dulgence for cruelty, nor confider their benefactors 
 as their perfecntors. If therefore this bill be con- 
 fidered and amended (for why elfe fliould it be con- 
 fidered ?) in a committee, I mall humbly propofe, 
 that it (hall be introduced in this manner. " Where- 
 " as the defigns of the prefent miniftry, whatever they 
 " are, cannot be executed without a great number of 
 41 mercenaries, which mercenaries cannot be hired 
 tf without money; and whereas the prefent dilpoficion 
 " of this nation to drunkennefs inclines us to believe, 
 '* that they will pay more chearfully for the undif* 
 * { turbed enjoyment of diftilled liquors, than for any 
 " other concefllon that can be made by the govern- 
 te ment ; be it enacted, by the king's moft excellent 
 u majefly, that no man (hall hereafter be denied the 
 " right of being drunk on the following condi- 
 " tions." 
 
 This, my lords, to trifie no longer, is the proper 
 preamble to this bill, which contains only the con- 
 ditions on which the people of this kingdom arc to 
 be allowed henceforward to riot in debauchery, in de- 
 bauchery licenfed by law, and countenanced by the 
 Kiagifr.rat.es. For there is no doubt but thole, on 
 whom the inventors of this tax mall confer authority, 
 will be directed to afiift their matters in their dcli^u 
 to encourage rbe confumprion of. that liquor, from
 
 34^ LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 which fuch large revenues are expected, and to mul- 
 tiply without end thofe licences which are to pay a 
 yearly tribute to the crown. 
 
 By this unbounded licence, my lords, that price 
 ujll be lefifeoed, from the increaie of which the ex- 
 pectations of the efficacy of this law are pretended; 
 for the number of retailers will kflen the value, as 
 in all other cafes, and k.Ten it more than this tax will 
 jncreafe it. Befides, it is to beconfidered, that at pre- 
 fent the retailer experts to be paid for the danger which 
 he incurs by an unlawful trade, and will not trull his 
 reputation or his purfe to the mercy of his cuftomer, 
 without a profit proportioned to the hazard ; but, 
 when once the reftraint fhall be taken away, he will 
 fell for common gain, and it can hardly be imagined 
 that, at prefent, he fu'ojecls himfelf to informations 
 and penalties for lefs than fix-pence a gallon. 
 
 The fpc_cious pretence, on which this bill is found- 
 ed, and indeed the only pretence that deferves to be 
 termed fpecious, is the propriety of taxing vice ; but 
 this maxim of government has, on this occafion, been 
 .either miftaken or perverted. Vice, my lords, is not 
 properly to be taxed, but fuppreOed ; and heavy taxes 
 are fometimes the only means by which that fup- 
 prefilon can be attained. Luxury, my lords, or the 
 excefs of that which is pernicious only by its excefs, 
 . may very properly be taxed, that fuch excefs, though 
 not rtriclly unlawful, may be made more difficult. 
 But the ufe of thefe things which are fimply hurtful, 
 hurttul in their own nature, and in every degree, is to 
 be prohibited. None, my lords, ever heard in any 
 nation of a tax upon theft or adultery, becaufe a tax 
 
 implies
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIEC :f. 
 
 implies a licence granted for the ule of that which is 
 taxed, to all who fhall be willing to pay it, 
 
 Drunkennefs, my lords, is univerfally and in all cir- 
 cumftances an evil ; and therefore ought not to be 
 taxed, but punifhed, and the means of it not to be 
 made eafy by a (light impoft, which none can feel r 
 but to be removed out of the reach of the people, and 
 iecured by the heavieft taxes, levied with the utmoft 
 rigor. I hope thofe, to whofe care the religion of the 
 nation is. particularly configned, will unanimously 
 join with me in maintaining the neceflity, not of tax- 
 ing vice, but fuppreffing it, and unite for the reject- 
 ing of a bill, by which the future, as well as prefent, 
 bappinefs of thoufands mud be deftroyed. 
 
 XLVIII. 
 
 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S fecond fpeech on the Gin aft, 
 February 24, 1743. 
 
 MY LORDS, 
 
 THOUGH the noble lord* who has been 
 pleafed to excite us to an unanimous concur- 
 currence with himfelf and his aflbciates in the mi- 
 niftry, in pafling the excellent and wonder-working 
 bill; this bill which is to leiTen the confumption of 
 fpirits, without kffcning the quantity which is dif- 
 tilled ; which is to reftrain drunkards from drinking, 
 by letting their favourite liquor always before their 
 eyes ; to conquer habits by continuing them ; and 
 correct vice by indulging it, according to the lowclt 
 * The duke of Newcaftle. 
 
 reckoning,
 
 3$o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 reckoning, for at leaft another year-, (till, my lords, 
 fuch is my obftinacy, or fuch my ignorance, that I 
 cannot yet comply with his propofal, nor can prevail 
 with myfelf either to concur with meafures fo ap- 
 parently oppofite to the intereft of the public, or to 
 hear them vindicated, without declaring how little I 
 approve it. 
 
 During the cdurfe of this long debate, I have en- 
 deavoured to recapitulate and digeft the arguments 
 which have been advanced, and have confidered them 
 both feparately and conjointly, but find myfelf at 
 the fame diftance from conviction as when I firit. en- 
 tered the houfe. 
 
 In vindication of this bill, my lords, we have been 
 told that the prefent law is ineffectual ; that our ma- 
 nufacture is not to be deftroyed ; or not this year ; 
 that the fecurity offered by the prefent bill has in- 
 duced great numbers to fubicribe to the new fund -, 
 $&t it. has been approved by the commons ; and that, 
 if it be found ineffectual, it may be amended another 
 feffion. 
 
 All thefe arguments, my lords, I mall endeavour 
 to examine, becaufe I am always clefirous of gratify- 
 ino- thofe great men to whom the adminiftration of 
 affairs is intruded, and have always very cautioufly 
 avoided the odium of difaffection, which they will un- 
 doubtedly throw, in imitation of their preuecefibrs, 
 upon all thofe vvhofe wayward confciences (hall oblige 
 them to hinder the execution of their fchcmes. 
 
 With a very ftrong defire, therefore, though with 
 no great hopes, of finding them in the right, I ven- 
 ture to begin my inquiry, and engage in the exami- 
 nation
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XL VIII. 3i i 
 
 nation of their firft affertion, that the prefent law 
 againft the abufe of ftrong liquors is without effect. 
 
 I hope, my lords, it portends well to my inquiry, 
 that the firft pofuion which I have to examine is 
 true; nor can I forbear to congratulate your lordfhips 
 upon having heard from the new miniftry one afler- 
 tion not to be contradicted. 
 
 Jt is evident, my lords, from daily obfervation, and 
 demon Arable from the papers upon the table, that 
 every year, fince the enacting of the laft law, that 
 vice has increafed which it was intended to reprefs, 
 .and that no time has bee,n fo favourable to the re- 
 tailers of fpirits as that which has paffed fince they 
 were prohibited. 
 
 It may therefore be expected, my lords, that, hav- 
 ing agreed with the minifters in their fundamental 
 propofition, I (hall concur with them in the conle- 
 qucnce which they draw from it ; and, having al- 
 lowed that the prefent law is ineffectual, mould admit 
 that another is neceffary. , 
 
 But, my lords, in order to difcover whether this 
 confequence be necefTary, it mud firft be inquired why 
 the prefent law is of no force ? For, my lords, it will 
 be found, upon reflection, that there are certain de- 
 grees of corruption that may hinder the effect of the 
 beft laws. The magillrates may be vicious, and for- 
 bear to enforce that law by which themfelves are 
 condemned ; they may be indolent, and inclined ra- 
 ther to connive at wickednefs, by which they are not 
 injured themfelves, than to reprefs it by a laborious 
 exertion of their authority ; or they may be timorous, 
 and, inftead of awing the vicious, may be awed by them. 
 
 In
 
 352 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 In any of thefe cafes, my lords, the law is not to 
 be condemned for its inefficacy, fince it only fails by 
 the defect of thofe who are to direct its operations, 
 The bed and mod important laws will contribute 
 very little to the fecurity or happinefs of a people, if 
 no judges of integrity and fpirit can be found arnongft 
 them. Even the moft beneficial and ufeful bill that 
 minifters can poilibly imagine, a bill for laying on 
 our eftates a tax of the fifth part of their yearly value, 
 would be wholly without effect, if collectors could not 
 be obtained. 
 
 I am therefore, my lords, yet doubtful, whether 
 the inefficacy of the law now fubfifting necelfarily 
 obliges us to provide another : for thofe that declared 
 it to be ufelefs, owned at the fame time that no man 
 endeavoured to enforce it ; fo that perhaps its only 
 defect may be, that it will not execute itfelf. 
 
 Nor, though I fiiould allow that the law is at pre- 
 fent impeded by difficulties which cannot be broken 
 through, but by men of more fpirit and dignity than 
 the minifters may be inclined to truft with commif- 
 fions of the peace, yet it can only be collected, that 
 another law is necefTary, not that the law now pro- 
 poled will be of any advantage. 
 
 Great ufe has been made of the inefficacy of the' 
 prefent law, to decry the propofal made by the noble 
 lord, for laying a high duty upon thefe pernicious 
 liquors. High duties have already, as we are in- 
 formed, been tried without advantage; high duties 
 are at this hour impofed upon thole fpirits which are 
 retailed, yet we fee them every day fold in the ftreets, 
 without the payment of the tax required -, and there- 
 fore
 
 ^MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. 553 
 
 fore it will be folly to make a fecond eflay of means 
 which have been found, by the eflay of many years, 
 unfuccefsful. 
 
 It has been granted on all fides in this debate, nor 
 was it ever denied on any other occafion, that the con- 
 fumption of any commodity is mod eafily hindered 
 by raifing its price ; and its price is to be raifctl by 
 the impofition of a duty. This, my lords, which is, 1 
 I fuppofe, the opinion of every man, of whatever de- 
 gree of experience or underftanding, appears 1 ike- 
 wile to have been thought of by the authors of the 
 preient law ; and therefore they imagined that they 
 had effectually provided againft the increafe of drunk- 
 ennefs, by laying, upon that liquor which mould be 
 retailed in fmall quantities, a duty which none of the 
 inferior clafles of drunkards would be able to pay. 
 
 Thus, my lords, they conceived that they had re- 
 formed the common people, without infringing the 
 pieatures of others ; and applauded the happy con- 
 trivance, by which fpirits were to be made dear only 
 to the poor, while every man who could afford to 
 purchafe two gallons was at liberty to riot at his eafe, 
 and, over a full-flowing bumper, look down with 
 contempt upon his former companions, now ruth- 
 lefsly condemned to difconfolate fobriety. 
 
 But, my lords, this intention was fruftrated, and 
 the project, ingenious as it was, fell to the ground : 
 for, though they had laid a tax, they unhappily for- 
 got this tax would make no addition to the price un- 
 lefs it was paid , and that it would not be paid unlds 
 fome were empowered to collect it. 
 
 VOL. II. A a Here,'
 
 3^4 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 Here, my lords, was the difficulty ; thofe who made: 
 the law were inclined to lay a tax from which them- 
 felves mould be exempt, and therefore would not 
 charge the liquor as it ifTued from the ft ill ; and 
 when once it was difperfed in the hands of petty dea- 
 lers, it was no longer to be found without the af- 
 fiftance of informers ; and informers eould not carry 
 on the bufinefs of profecution, without the confent 
 of the people. 
 
 It is not necefiary to dwell any longer upon the 
 law, the repeal of which is propofed, fince it appears 
 already that it failed, only from a partiality not ea- , 
 iily defended, and from the omiflion of what is now 
 propofed, the collecting the duty from the ftill-head. 
 
 If this method be followed, there will be no lon- 
 ger any peed of informations, or of any rigorous or 
 new meafures ; the fame officers that colled: a fmaller 
 duty may levy a greater ; nor can they be eafily 
 deceived with regard to the quantities that are made ; 
 the deceits, at leaft, that can be ufed, are in ufe 
 already ; they are frequently detected and fuppreffed, 
 nor will a larger duty enable the diftillers to elude 
 the vigilance of the officers with more fuccefs. 
 
 Againft this propofal, therefore, the inefficacy of 
 the prefent law can be no objection. But it is ur- 
 ged, that fuch duties would deftroy the trade of dif- 
 tilling; and a noble lord has been pleafed to exprefs 
 great tendernefs for a manufacture fo beneficial and 
 cxtcnfive. 
 
 That a large duty, levied at the ftill, would de- 
 flroy, or very much impair, the trade of diflilling, is 
 terrain ly fuppofcd bj thofe who defend it, for they
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. 3 $$ 
 propofcd it only for that end ; and what better me- 
 thod can they propofe, when they are called to de- 
 liberate upon a bill for the prevention of the excef- 
 five ufe of diftilled liquors ? 
 
 The noble lord has been pleated kindly to inform 
 us, that the trade of diftilling is very extenfwe, that 
 it employs great numbers, and that they have ar- 
 rived at exquifite (kill, and therefore note well the 
 confequence the trade of diftilling is not to be dif- 
 couraged. 
 
 Once more, my lords, allow me to wonder at the 
 different conceptions of different underftandings. It 
 appears to me, that fince the fpirits, which the dif- 
 tillers produce, are allowed to enfeeble the limbs, 
 and vitiate the blood, to pervert the heart, and ob- 
 fcure the intellects, that the number of diftillers 
 fhould be no argument in their favour ! for I never 
 heard that a law againft thefc was repealed or de- 
 layed becaufe thieves were numerous. It appears 
 to me, my lords, that if fo formidable a body are 
 confederated againft the virtue or the lives of their 
 fellow-citizens, it is time to put an end to the havock, 
 and to interpofe, while it is yet in our power to flop 
 the deftrudion. 
 
 So little, my lords, am I affected with the merit 
 of the wonderful fkill which the diftillers are faid to 
 have attained, that it is, in my opinion, no faculty 
 of great ufe to mankind, to prepare palatable poifon -, 
 nor fliall I ever contribute my intereft for the re- 
 prieve of a murderer, becaufe he has, by long pradice, 
 obtained great dexterity in his trade. 
 
 A a 2 If
 
 55 -'> LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 If their liquors are fo delicious, that the people 
 are tempted to their own deftruction, let us at length* 
 my lords, fee u re them irom thcfe fatal draughts, by 
 buriling the vials that contain them ; let us crufh at 
 once thefe artids in (laughter, who have reconciled 
 their countrymen to fickncfs and to ruin, and fpread 
 over the pitfals of debauchery fuch baits as cannot 
 be refitted. 
 
 Trie noble lord has, indeed, admitted that this biH 
 may not be found fufficientJy coercive, but gives us 
 hopes that it may be improved and enforced another 
 year, and perfuades us to endeavour a reformation 
 of drunkennefs by degrees, and, above all, to beware; 
 at preient of hurting the manufacture. 
 
 I am very far, my lords, from thinking that there 
 are, this year, any peculiar reafons for tolerating mur- 
 der ; nor can I conceive why the manufacture mould 
 be held facred now, if it be to be deftroyed here- 
 after. We are, indeed, defired to try how far this 
 law will operate, that we may be more able to pro- 
 ceed with due regard to this valuable manufacture. 
 
 With regard to the operation of the law, it appears 
 to me, that it will only enrich the government, with- 
 out reforming the people ; and I believe there are 
 not many of a different opinion. If any diminution: 
 of the fale of fpirits be expected from it, it is to be 
 confidered that this diminution will, or will not r be 
 fuch as is defired for the reformation of the people. 
 If it be fufficientj the manufacture is at an end, and 
 all the reafons againft a higher duty are of equal 
 force againft this ; but if it is not fufficient, we have, 
 5 at
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. 357 
 at lead, omitted part of our duty, and have neg- 
 lected the health and virtue of the people. 
 
 I cannot, my lords, yet difcover why a reprieve is 
 defired for this manufacture ; why the prefent year 
 is not equally propitious to the reformation of man- 
 kind, as any will be that may fucceed it. It is 
 true we are at war with two nations, and perhaps 
 with more ; but war may be better profecuted with- 
 out money than without men ; and we but little con- 
 fult the military glory of our country, if we raife 
 fupplies for paying our armies, by the cleftrucYion 
 of thofe armies that we are contriving to pay. 
 
 We have, heard the necefiity of reforming the na- 
 tion by degrees, urged as an argument for impofing 
 firft a lighter duty, and afterwards a heavier. This 
 complaifance for wickednefs, my lords, is not fo de- 
 fenfible as that it fhould be battered by arguments 
 in form, and therefore J (hall only relate a reply 
 made by Webb, the noted walker, upon a parallel 
 occafion. 
 
 This man, who muft be remembered by many of 
 your lordihips, was remarkable for vigor, both of 
 mind and body, and lived wholly upon water for 
 his drink, and chiefly upon vegetables for his other 
 fuftenance. He was one day recommending his regi- 
 men to one of his friends who loved wine, and who 
 perhaps might fomewhat contribute to the profperity 
 of this fpirituous manufacture, and urged him, with 
 great carneftnefs, to quit a couric of luxury, by which 
 his health and his intellects would equally be de- 
 frayed. The gentleman appeared convinced, and 
 told him, " chat he would conform to his counfd, 
 A a 3 " and
 
 55 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 " and thought he could not change his courfe of life 
 *' at once, but would leave off ftrong liquors by de- 
 u grees." " By degrees," fays the other with in- 
 dignation, " if you fhould unhappily fall into the fire, 
 " would you caution your fervants not to pull you 
 *' out but by degrees ?" 
 
 This anlwer, my lords, is applicable to the prefent 
 cafe. The nation is funk into the lowed flate of cor- 
 ruption ; the people are not only vicious, but infolent 
 beyond example > they not only break the laws, but 
 defy them, and yet fome of your lordfhips are for 
 reforming them by degrees. 
 
 I am not fo eafily perfuaded, my lords, that our 
 minifters really intend to fupply the defects that may 
 hereafter be difcovered in this bill. It will doubtlefs 
 produce money, perhaps much more than they ap- 
 pear to expect from it. I doubt not but the licenfed 
 retailers will be more than fifty thoufand, and the 
 quantity retailed muft increafe with the number of re- 
 tailers. As the bill will, therefore, anfwer all the ends 
 intended by it, I do not expect to fee it altered ; for 
 I have never obferved minifters defirous of amending 
 their own errors, unlefs they are fuch as have caufed 
 a deficiency in the revenue. 
 
 Befides, my lords, it is not certain that, when this 
 fund is mortgaged to the public creditors, they can 
 prevail upon the commons to change the fecurity. 
 They may continue the bill in force, for the reafons, 
 whatever they are, for which they have pafTed it ; and 
 the good intentions of our minifters, however fincere, 
 may be defeated, and drunkennefs, legal drunkennefs, 
 eftablifhed in the nation. 
 
 This,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. 3^ 
 
 This, my lords, is very reafonable ; and therefore 
 we ought to exert ourfclves for the fafety of the na- 
 tion, while the power is yet in our own hands ; and, 
 without regard to the opinion or proceedings of the 
 other houfe, fhew that we are yet the chief guardians 
 of the people. 
 
 The ready compliance of the commons, with the 
 measures propofed in this bill, has been mentioned 
 here, with a view, I fuppofe, of influencing us; but' 
 furely by thofe who had forgotten our independence, 
 or refigned their own. It is not only the right, but 
 the duty of either houfe, to deliberate, without regard 
 to the determinations of the other : for how fhould 
 the nation receive any benefit from the diftincl: powers 
 that .compofe the legiflature, unlefs the determinations 
 are without influence upon each other ? If either the 
 example or authority of the commons can divert us 
 from following our own convictions, we are no longer 
 part of the legiflature ; we have-given up our honors, 
 and our privileges ; and what then is our concur- 
 rence but flavery, or our fuffrage but an echo ? 
 
 The only argument, therefore, that now remains, is 
 the expediency of gratifying thofe, by whofe ready 
 fubfcription the exigencies our new ftatefmen have 
 brought upon us have been fupported, and of con- 
 tinuing the fecurity by which they have been en- 
 couraged to fuch liberal contributions. 
 
 Public credit, my lords, is indeed of very great im- 
 portance; but public credit can never be long fup- 
 ported without public virtue ; nor indeed, if the go- 
 vernment could mortgage the morals and health of 
 the people, would it be juft and rational to confirm 
 A a 4 the
 
 360 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 the bargain. If the miniftry can raife money only 
 by the deftruction of their fellovv-fubjedts, they ought 
 to abandon thole ichemes for which the money is 
 neceflary , for what calamity can be equal to un- 
 bounded wickednefs ? 
 
 Bur, my lords, there is no necefllty for a choice 
 which may coft us or our minifters fo much regret; 
 for the lame fubfcriptions may be procured by an offer 
 of the fame advantages to a fund of any other kind ; 
 and the finking fund will eafily iupply any deficiency 
 that might be lufpected in another fcheme. 
 
 To confels the truth, I ih'ould feel very little pain 
 from an account that the nation was for fome time 
 determined to be lefs liberal of their contributions ; 
 and tiiat money was withheld, till it was known in 
 what expeditions it was to be employed, to what 
 princes fubfidies were to be paid, and what advan- 
 tages were to be purchafed by it for our country. I 
 ihotild rejoice, my lords, to hear that the lottery, by 
 which the deficiencies of this duty are to be fupplied, 
 was not filled ; and that the people were grown, at 
 laft, wife enough to difcern the fraud, and to prefer 
 honeft commerce, by which all may be gainers, to a 
 game by which the greateft number muft certainly 
 fee lofers. 
 
 The lotteries, my lords, which former minifters 
 have propofed, .have always been cenfured by thole 
 that faw their nature and their tendency; they have 
 been confidered as legal cheats, by which the ignorant 
 and the rafh are defrauded, and the fubtle and avari- 
 cious often enriched ; they have been allowed ro di- 
 vert the people from trade, and to alienate them from 
 
 ufeful
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. ?6t 
 ufeful induftry. A man who is tmeafy in his cir- 
 cumftances, and idle in his difpofition, collects the 
 remains of his fortune, and buys tickets in a lottery ; 
 retires 'from bufmefs, indulges himfelf in lazinefs, 
 2nd waits, in fome obfcure place, the event of his 
 adventure. Another, inftead of employing his ftock 
 in trade, rents a garret, and makes it his bufmefs, by 
 falfe intelligence and chimerical alarms, to raiie and 
 link the price of tickets alternately, and takes advan- 
 tage of the lies which he has himfelf invented. 
 
 Such, my lords, is the traffick that is produced by 
 this fcheme of getting money; nor were thefe incon- 
 veniencies unknown to the prefent rninitlers in the 
 time of their predeceiTors, whom they never ceafed 
 to purfue with the loudeft clamors, whenever the 
 exigencies of the government reduced them to a lot- 
 tery. 
 
 If I, my lords, might prefume to recommend to our 
 minifters the mod probable method of raifing a large 
 fum, for the payment of the troops of the electorate, 
 I mould, inftead of the tax and lottery now propofed, 
 advife them to eflablim a certain number of licenfed 
 wheel-barrows, on which the laudable trade of thim- 
 ble and button might be carried on for the fupport 
 of the war, and fhoe-boys might contribute to the de- 
 fence of the houfe of Auflria by raffling for apples. 
 
 Having now, my lords, examined, with the utmoft 
 candor, all the reafons which have been offered in 
 defence of the bill, I cannot conceal the refult of 
 my inquiry. The arguments have had fo little effect 
 upon my underftanding, that, as ever? man judges o{ 
 others by himfelf, I cannot believe that they have
 
 3 6i LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 any influence, even upon rhofe that offer them ; and 
 therefore I am convinced that this bill muft be the 
 refult of confederations which have been hitherto con- 
 cealed, and is intended to promote dcfigns which are 
 never to be difcovered by the authors before their 
 execution. 
 
 With regard to thefe motives and defigns, however 
 artfully concealed, every lord in this houfe is at liberty 
 to offer his conjectures. 
 
 When I confider, my lords, the tendency of this 
 bill, I find it calculated only for the propagation of 
 dfefes, the fupprefiion of induftry, and the deftruction 
 of mankind. I find it the rnoft fatal engine that 
 ever was pointed at a people ; an engine by which 
 thofe who are not killed will be difabled, and thofe 
 who preferve their limbs will be deprived of their 
 ienfes. 
 
 This bill therefore appears to be defigned onty to 
 thin the ranks of mankind, and to difburden the world 
 of the multitudes that inhabit it, and is perhaps the 
 ftrongefl proof of political fagacity that our new mi- 
 nifters have yet exhibited. They well know, my 
 lords, that they are univerfally det'efted, and that, 
 whenever a Briton is deltroyed, they are freed from 
 an enemy ; they have therefore opened the flood- 
 gates of gin upon the nation, that, when it is lefs 
 numerous, it may be more eafily governed. 
 
 Other minifters, my lords, who had not attained to 
 fo great a knowledge in the art of making war 
 upon their country, when they found their enemies 
 clamorous and bold, ufed to awe them with prole - 
 cutions and penalties, or deftroy them like bnrglars 
 6 with
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. 363 
 with prifons and with gibbets. But every age, my 
 lords, produces fome improvement ; and every na- 
 tion, however degenerate, gives birth, at fome happy 
 period of time, to men of great and enterprizing ge- 
 nius. It is our fortune to be witneffes of a new dif- 
 covery in politics j we may congratulate ourfelves 
 upon being cotemporaries with thofe men, who 
 have mewed that hangmen and halters are unnecef- 
 fary in a (late, and that minifters may efcape the 
 reproach of deftroying their enemies, by inciting 
 them to deftroy themielves. 
 
 This new method may, indeed, have upon dif- 
 ferent conftitutions a different operation ; it may de- 
 ftroy the lives of fome, and the fenfes of others; 
 but either of thefe effects will anfwer the purpofes 
 of the miniftry, to whom it is indifferent, provided 
 the nation becomes infenfible, whether peftilence or 
 lunacy prevails among them. Either mad or dead 
 the greateft part of the people muft quickly be, or 
 there is no hope of the continuance of the prefent 
 miniftry. 
 
 For this purpofe, my lords, what could have been 
 invented more efficacious than an eftablimment of a 
 certain nu:r.ber of (hops, at which poifon may be 
 vended ; poifon fo prepared as to pleale the palate, 
 while it waftes the ftrength, and only kills by intoxi- 
 cation ? From the firft inftant that any of the ene- 
 mies of the miniftry mall grow clamorous and tur- 
 bulent, a crafty hireling may lead him to the mini- 
 fterial (laughter- houfe, and ply him with their won- 
 der-working liquor, till he is no longer able to fpeak 
 or think j and, my lords, no man can be more agree- 
 able
 
 364 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 able to our minifters, than he that can neither fpeak 
 
 nor think, except thofe who fpeak without thinking. 
 
 But, my lords, the minifters ought to reflect, that 
 though all the people of the prefent age are their 
 enemies, yet they have made no trial of the temper 
 and inclinations of posterity. Our fucceffors may be 
 of opinions very different from ours ; they may per- 
 haps approve of wars on the continent, while our 
 plantations are infulted and our trade obftructed ; 
 they may think the fnpport of the houfe of Auftria 
 of more importance to us than our own defence , and 
 may perhaps fo far differ from their fathers, as to 
 imagine the treafures of Britain very properly em- 
 ployed in fupporting the troops, and increafing the 
 fplendor, of a foreign electorate. 
 
 Whatever, my lords, be the true reafon for which 
 this bill is fo warmly promoted, I think they ought, 
 at leaft, to be deliberately examined ; and therefore 
 cannot think it confident with our regard for the na- 
 tion, to fuffcr it to be precipitated into a law. The 
 year, my lords, is not fo far advanced but that fup- 
 plies may be raifed by fome other method, if this 
 ihoqld be rejected ; nor do I think that we ought to 
 ponfent to this, even though our refufal mould hin- 
 der the fupplies, fince we have no right, for the fake 
 of any advantage, however certain or great, to vio- 
 late all the laws of heaven and earth, and to fill the 
 exchequer with the price of the lives of our fellow* 
 fubjects. 
 
 Let us therefore, my lords, not fuffer ourfelves to 
 be driven forward with fuch hafte, as may hinder us 
 from obferving whither we are going, L,et us not 
 
 be
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLVIII. 365 
 be perfuaded to precipitate our counfels, by thofe who 
 know that all delays are detrimental to their defigns, 
 becaufe delays may produce new information ; and 
 they are confcious that the bill will be the lefs ap- 
 proved, the more it is underftood. 
 
 But every reafon which they can offer againft the 
 motion is, in my opinion, a reafon for it *, and there- 
 fore I mail readily agree to poftpone the claufe, and 
 no lefs readily to reject the bill. 
 
 If, at laft, reafon and evidence are vain, if neither 
 juftice nor companion can prevail, but the nation 
 muft be deftroyed for the fupport of the government; 
 let us at leaft, my lords, confine our aflfertions, in 
 the preamble, to truth. Let us not affirm that 
 drunkennefs is eflablimed by the advice or confent 
 of the lords fpiritual, fmce I am confident not one 
 of them will fo far contradict his own doctrine, as to 
 vote for a bill which gives a fanction to one vice, 
 and minifters opportunities and temptations to all 
 others, and which, if it be not fpeedily repealed, 
 will overflow the whole nation with a dduge of 
 wickednefs. 
 
 XLIX,
 
 366 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 His excellency the earl of CHESTERFIELD'S letter 
 to their high mightinefTes, the ftates general of 
 the united provinces, on taking leave, Feb. 26, 
 
 N. S. 1732. 
 
 HIGH AND MIGHTY LORDS, 
 
 TH E king, my mafter, who recalls me to attend 
 the duties of my poll about his royal perfon, 
 has commanded me to repeat to you, on this occafion, 
 the ftrongeft afiiirances of his inviolable friendfhip 
 for this iiluftrious republic. 
 
 It was by thefe aflurances that I opened my com- 
 Tniffion to your high mightinefles : I am happy to 
 clofe it in the fame manner -, and I rejoice in the re- 
 flection that, throughout its whole duration, which 
 has. not been a mort one, every thing has vifibly con- 
 curred to evince the fentiments of a monarch, who is 
 incapable of expreffing any but fuch as are real. 
 
 His majefty is truly fenfible of the advantages that 
 accrue to both nations from the alliance by which 
 they are fo (Irictly connected. Ever attentive to the 
 welfare of his fubjects, and to that of his allies, he is 
 determined to maintain, and, if pofiible, more clofely 
 to cement, an union formed by the common intereft 
 of the people, the balance of Europe, and the in- 
 tereft of the proteftant religion, and which a happy 
 prefcription fcems to make unalterable for the future. 
 Such is the fyftem which has never been departed 
 from, but when the true interefcs of either the one or 
 the other have been miilaken or facrificed. 
 
 The
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIX. 367 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 Lettre de fon excellence mylord CHESTERFIELD 
 aux ctats generaux des provinces-unies, pourpren- 
 dre conge, le 26 Fevrier, N. S. 1732. 
 
 HAUTS ET PUISSANS SEIGNEURS, 
 
 LE roi, mon maitre, qui me rappelle pour remplir 
 ks fonctions de ma charge aupres de fa per- 
 fonne, m'a ordonne de vous reiterer en cette/ occafion 
 les plus fortes aflurances de fon inviolable amide pour 
 cette illuftre republique. 
 
 C'eft par-la que je commensal ma commiflioii 
 aupres de vos hautes puiflances ; il m'eft doux de la 
 terminer de meme, et je me felicite de ce que, pen- 
 dant un aflez long-terns qu'elle a dure, tout a vilible- 
 ment concouru a verifier les fentimens d'un monarque 
 incapable dVn temoigner qui ne foient reels^ 
 
 Le roi fent vivement ks avantages que ks denx 
 nations retirent de 1'alliance qui les unit fi ^troite- 
 ment. Toujours attentif au bonheur de fes fujets, et 
 a celui de fes allies, il eft refolu d'entretemr, ct s'il 
 eft poITible, de ferrer de plus en plus les ncends d^unc 
 union que le bien commun des peuples, 1'equilibre de 
 TEurope, Tinteret de la religion proteftante one 
 formee, et qu'une heureufe prefcription fcmble ren- 
 dre delbrmais inalterable. Tel eft le fyflcme dont 
 on ne s'eft jamais eloigne, que quand les veritabies 
 intcrets de Tune ou de 1'autre nation ont etc ignores 
 oil facrifies. 
 
 Les
 
 j6S LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 The light in which I reprefent to your high migh- 
 tinefles the difpofition of the king my matter, is the 
 fame in which I fhall give his majefty an account of 
 yours. The re-eftablifhment of the tranquillity of 
 Europe is a flriking and recent proof of the good 
 effects arifmg from this mutual confidence. Provi- 
 dence, which had united our interefts, fecms likewife 
 to have united our counfels. Harmony, the object 
 of my moft ardent wifhes, has invariably fubfifted 
 as a thing of courfe. It has fuperfeded my endea- 
 vours, and has left me, if I may fo fay, but the 
 pleafing regret of having been rather a fpectator 
 than a promoter of it. 
 
 If it were not cuttomary, on thefe occafions, to 
 lavilh thofe terms which are molt expreflive of the 
 feelings of the heart, and which too often mean no 
 more than mere ceremony, I mould make ufe of the 
 moft emphatical language, high and mighty lords, to 
 cxprels my gratitude for the reception you have 
 honored me with, during the execution of my 
 commiflion -, nor (hould I be afraid of faying too 
 much. 
 
 But let my wifhes be accepted in lieu of a fpeech. 
 
 May the great difpofer of all events grant that 
 your high mightinefles may long and abundantly en- 
 joy the profperity, procured to your country by the 
 wifdom of your counfels ! may he fufpend the courfe 
 of human infirmities, and protradt the period of life ? 
 in favour of thofe whofe experience, abilities, and la- 
 bours, may contribute to the fafety and glory of this 
 republic ! and may each moment of its exiftence be 
 
 . fignalized
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLIX. 369 
 
 Lcs traits que j'employe pour reprefenter a vos 
 hautes puiffances les difpofitions du roi mon maitre, 
 font les mcmes dont je me fcrvirai pour lui rendre 
 compte des votres. Le recabliQement de la tran- 
 quillite de 1'Europe eft une preuve fcnfible et ivcente 
 des bons effets qu'a produit cette confiance mu- 
 tuelle. La providence, qui avoit uni nos interets* 
 fembloit aufti avoir uni nos conleils. L'harmonie, 
 1'objec de mes defirs les plus ardens, s'eft entretenue 
 cornme d'elle-meme. Elte a prevenu mes loins, ec 
 ne m'a laifle, fi je puis parlcr ainfi, que le doux re- 
 grec de n'y avoir contnbue en rien, et de n'cn avoir 
 ete que le Ipe6lateur. 
 
 Si dans des circonftances pareilles a celles ou je m^ 
 trouve aujourd'hui, on n'euc pa^; prodigue tous les 
 termes les plus capables d'cxprimer les mouvemens 
 du cceur, pendant qu'on ne fait fotivent que s'acquit- 
 ter d'un fimple devoir de ceremonie, j'employerois, 
 hauts et puiflans feigneur c , fans craindre d'en dire 
 trop, les exprefllons les plus e.iergiques, pour vous 
 marquer la vive reconnoiiTance, que m'infpire 1'ac- 
 cueil que vous m'avez temoigns durant le cours de 
 ma commifiion. 
 
 Mes vceux me tiendront lieu de difcours. 
 
 Fafle le grand arbitre des evenemens, que vos 
 hautes puifiances participent longtems et abondarn- 
 ment a la profpcritj, que la fagefTe de vos conleils 
 procure a vorre patrie ! Dai^nc-t il fulpcndfe le cours 
 des infirmites humaines, et e:endre les bofnes de \JL 
 vie, en faveur de ceux dont 1'expirience, le ralcns 
 et les travaux peuvent contribuer a la JuretJ ft a l.i 
 gloire de cette republique ! et daignc-t-il marquer 
 
 VOL. II, JB b chaque
 
 37 o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fignalized by fome fuccefs, worthy of thofe virtues 
 and that courage, which firft laid the foundation of 
 it, and have fupported it in fo high a degree of 
 fplendor to this day ! 
 
 (Signed,) 
 
 CHESTERFIELD. 
 
 L. 
 
 The earl of CHESTERFIELD'S fpecch to the ftates 
 general, on his taking leave of their high mighti- 
 neffes at the Hague, May 1 8, N. S. 1 745. 
 
 HIGH AND MIGHTY LORDS, 
 
 TH E king my matter, on permitting me to re- 
 turn to England, has given me exprefs orders 
 to renew to your high mightinefles the ftrongeft af- 
 furances of his efteem and friendihip. 
 
 It is happy for me that fo honorable a commiflion 
 lays on me fo eafy a duty. 
 
 As a faithful interpreter of the fentiments of a fin- 
 cere friend(hip, I am far from borrowing the flatter- 
 ing expreffions which a feigned friendihip (lands in 
 need of. 
 
 Let crafty policy employ the moft feducing arti- 
 fices to cover its ambitious defigns; let it put every 
 fpring in motion to gain your confidence, or at lead 
 to lull you into a fatal fecurity. True friendlhip, 
 fuch as that which unites the king my mailer with 
 your high mightinefles, defpifes thofe artifices, and 
 
 abhors
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. XLTX, L. 371 
 chaque moment de fa duree par quelque fucces di ne 
 des vertus etdu courage, qui en ont jette les fonde- 
 mens, et qui Tone fait fubfifter avec tant d'cclat 
 
 juiqu'a ce jour ! 
 
 (EtoitfigmS) 
 
 CHESTERFIELD. 
 
 Difcours de fon excellence, le comte de CHESTER- 
 FIELD, aux e:ats gcneraux, en prenanc conge de 
 leurs hautcs puiiiances : % la Haye, le 1 8 Mai, 
 N. 8.1745. ' 
 
 HAUTS ET PUISSANS SEIGNEURS, 
 
 T E roi mon maitre, en me permettant de retonrner 
 -* ' en Angleterre, m'a expreflement ordonne de 
 renouveller a vos hautes puiflances les afTurances les 
 plus fortes de fon eftime et de Ton amitie. 
 
 II eft heureux pour moi qu'une commiffion fi hono* 
 rable m'impofe un devoir fi facile. 
 
 Interprete des fentimens d'une amitie fincere, je n'aj 
 ^garde d'emprunter les expreffiqns flattcufes, don; 
 <1jne amitie fimulJe a befoin de fe parcr. 
 
 Qu'une politique rufce employe, pour couvrir fes 
 ^efieins ambirieux, tout ce que Tart a de plus fe* 
 duiianr. Qu'elle mette tout en cetrvts pour lur- 
 prendre vocre confiance, on du moins pourvous cn 
 dormir dans une funefte fecurite ; la vraie amitie, 
 tclle que celle qui unit le roi mon maitre avec vos 
 hautcs puiflances, meprife ces artifices, et dctefte cej 
 B b 2
 
 37 i LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 abhors thofe indirect means. It is fimple, and its 
 language is the fame. 
 
 The clofe union of the two nations is neither the 
 effect of fo;ne tranfient views, nor the fruit of acci- 
 dental conjunctures, but the juft confequence of our 
 reciprocal and invariable interefts. Nature pointed 
 it out to us, in placing us as me has- done , and the 
 uninterrupted experience of almoft a century muft 
 convince us that our mutual profperity depends on 
 our union. This truth is fo indifputable, that, all 
 thofe who prefume to call it in queilion may juftly 
 be confidered as our common enemies, 
 
 Vicinity is to mod nations but a fatal fource of 
 jcaloufy and difcord ; whereas we have the fingular 
 happinefs of being neighbours in a manner fit to pro- 
 cure us infinite advantages, without a poftibility of 
 any diftrvrft or umbrage arifing therefrom, if we dc* 
 not forget our grand interefts. 
 
 Such are the king's notions -, and, from my own 
 obfervation, I will take upon me to aflfure his ma- 
 jefty that your high mightinefles are in the fame way 
 of thinking. Who can be ignorant of it ? Our al- 
 lies know it, our enemies feel it. Europe has already 
 often reaped the precious fruits of our harmony. 
 "What may fhe not further expect from it ? 
 
 The love of liberty, which firft laid the foundation 
 of this republic, and has fince fo often fignalized 
 her, this fo noble and generous love ftiH unites your 
 ftrength and your councils to thofe of the king my 
 mafter. Actuated by the fame fpirit, and purfuing 
 the fame end, the fole object of your endeavours is 
 to reftore and fecure public liberty and tranquillity. 
 
 What
 
 MISCE'LL ANEOUS PIECES. L. 373 
 -detours. Elle eft fimple, et Ton langagc iui ref- 
 femble. 
 
 L'etroite union des deux nations n'eft ni 1'efFet de 
 quelques vues pafiageres, ni le fruit de quelque fitu- 
 ation accidentelle ; mais une fuite reflechie de nos 
 -intcrets reciproques et invariables. La nature nous 
 Ta marquee, en nous placant comme elle a fait, et 
 une experience non interrompue de pres d'un fiecle, 
 ne nous permet pas d'ignorer que notre profperite 
 mwtuelle depend de notre union. Cette verite efl ft 
 inconteftable, que nous devons regarder comme nos 
 -ennemis communs tous ceux qui pretendent la revo- 
 quer en doute, 
 
 Le voifmage n'eft pour la plupart des peuples 
 qu'-une fource funeile de jaloufie ou de difcorde; au 
 lieu que nous avons le bonheur fingulier d'etre voifins, 
 d'une maniere propre a nous procurer des avantages 
 infinis, fans qu'il en puifie naitre ni defiance ni om- 
 brage, fi nous n'oublions pas nos grands interets. 
 
 Telles font les idees du roi, et fur ce que j'ai vu dc 
 pres, j'oferai 1'aflurer que vos hautes puifiances pen- 
 lent de meme. Qui peut 1'ignorer? Nos allies le 
 favent ; nos ennemis le fentent. L'Europe a deja 
 fouvent recueilli des fruits precieux de notre harmonic. 
 Que n'en doit-elle pas efpcrer encore ? 
 
 L'amour de la liberte, qui fonda cette republique, 
 et qui Ta dcja fi fouvent figaalee depuis ; cet amour 
 fi noble et fi genereux, unit encore aujourd'hui vos 
 forces et vos confeils a ceux du roi mon maitre. 
 Animes d'un meme efprit, et tendant au meme bur, 
 vos efforts n'ont pour objet que de recablir et d*af- 
 furer la liberte et la tranquillite publique. Quei 
 B b deflein
 
 374. LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 What defign can be more laudable ? What work 
 more worthy of a juft and magnanimous zeal? 
 
 Purfue,high and mighty lords, thar defign, with your 
 wonted fteadmds and wifdom ; continue thole efforts, 
 without fuTfiing yourfelves to be difmayed ; and may- 
 heaven crown your undertakings with the fuccefs 
 they deferve ! 
 
 As for what relates to myfelf, high and mighty 
 lords, nothing could be more pleafing to me than to 
 be charged a fecond time with the king's orders at 
 this court, efpecially on an occafion where the bufi- 
 nefs was to concert meafures for fulfilling thofe very 
 engagements which I contributed to form fome 
 years ago. 
 
 1 mail never forget the kind reception I met with, 
 both times, from your high mightinefies ; and my 
 gratitude will end but with my days. But if your 
 high mightineflcs will condefcend to remember me ; 
 view me, high and mighty lords, only on the fide of 
 my fincere zeal for the common welfare of both na- 
 tions, my refpectful veneration for your government, 
 and, if I may prefgme to ufe the expreilion, my ten- 
 der attachment to this republic, 
 
 CHESTERFIELD, 
 
 LI.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. L. 37^ 
 
 deflein plus louablc ? Quel ouvragc plus digne d'un 
 zele jufte et magnanimc ? 
 
 Pourfuivez, hauts et puifians feigneurs, Ce deflein, 
 avec votre fermet et votre fagefTe ordinaire ! con- 
 tinuez ces efforts, fans vous laifier decourager; et 
 veuille le ciel couronner vos entreprifcs du fucces 
 qu'elles meritent ! 
 
 Pour ce qui me regarde, hauts et puiflans fcigneurs, 
 rien ne pouvoit m'arriver de plus flatteur que d'etre 
 charge, pour la feconde fois, des ordres du roi aupres 
 de vos hautes puiflances, fur-tout dans une occafion 
 ou il s'agiflbit de concerter les moyens de fatisfaire 
 aux engagemens que je contribuai a former il y a 
 quelques annees, 
 
 Je n'oublierai jamais le gracieux accueil dont vos 
 hautes puiflances m'ont honore alors et a prelent ; 
 et ma reconnoiflance ne finira qu*avec mcs jours, 
 Mais fi vos hautes puiffances daignent fe fouvenir de 
 moi, ne m'envifagez, hauts et puiflans feigneurs, que 
 du cote de mon zele fincere pour le bien commun 
 des deux nations ; de ma veneration refpeclueufe pour 
 votre gouvernement, et, fi j'ofe me fervir de cettc 
 expreflion, de mon tendre attachement pour cette 
 republique. 
 
 CHESTERFIELD. 
 
 B b 4 LI.
 
 37 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 LI. 
 
 The fpcech of his excellency, PHILIP earl of 
 C H ILST E R F i E LD, lord lieutenant- general and ge- 
 neral governor of Ireland, to both houfes of par- 
 liarr.ent, at Dublin, on Tuefday the 8 in day of 
 October, 1745. 
 
 MY LORDS, AND GENTLEMEN, 
 
 I A M honored with the king's commands to meet 
 you here in parliament, and to co-operate with 
 you in whatever may tend to eftablifh, or promote, 
 the true intereft of this kingdom. His majefty's 
 tender concern for all his fubjects, and your zeal and 
 duty for him, have mutually been too long expe- 
 rienced for me now to repreient the one, or recom- 
 mend the other. 
 
 Your own reflections will bed fuggeft to you the 
 advantages you have enjoyed under a fucceffion of 
 proteftant princes, by nature inclined, and by legal 
 authority enabled, to preferve and protect you; as 
 your own hiftory, and even the experience of fome 
 ftill alive among you, will beft paint the miferies 
 and calamities of a people fcourged, rather than go- 
 verned, by blind zeal, and lawlels power, 
 
 Thefe confederations muft necefiarily excite your 
 higheft indignation at the attempt now carrying on 
 jn Scotland, to difturb his majefty's government, by 
 a pretended tq his crown : one nurfed up in civil and 
 religious error ; formed to perfecucion and oppref- 
 fion, in the itat of fuperftition and tyranny ; whole 
 
 groundlefs
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LI. 377 
 groundlefs claim is as contrary to the natural rights 
 of mankind, as to the particular laws and conftitu- 
 tions of thefe kingdoms j whofe only hopes of fup- 
 port are placed in the enemies of the liberties of Eu- 
 rope in general j and whofe fuccefs would confe- 
 quently deftroy your liberty, your property, and your 
 religion. 
 
 But this fuccefs is little to be feared, his majefty's 
 fubjeds giving daily and diftinguifhed proofs of 
 their zeal for the fupport of his government, and the 
 defence of his perfon -, and a confiderable number 
 of national troops, together with fix thoufand Dutch 
 chearfully furnilhed to his majefty by his good allies 
 the dates general, being now upon their march to 
 Scotland, a force more than fufficient to check the 
 progrefs, and chaftife the infolence, of a rebellious 
 and undifciplined multitude. 
 
 The meafurcs that have hitherto been taken, to 
 prevent the growth of popery, have, I hope, had 
 fome, and will ftill have a greater, effect ; however, 
 I leave it to your confideration, whether nothing far- 
 ther can be done, either by new laws, or by the more 
 effectual execution of thole in being, to fecure this 
 nation againft the great number of papifts, whole 
 fpeculative errors would only deferye pity, if their 
 perpicious influence upon civil fociety did not both 
 require and authorize reltraint, 
 
 GENTLEMEN OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, 
 
 I have ordered the proper officers to lay before 
 you the fevcral accounts and eltimates , and I have 
 the pleafure to acquaint you, that 1 have nothing to 
 
 afk
 
 S7 :LOKD CH.ES.T. E R F. I.E LITS 
 
 afk but the ufual and neceflary fupplies for the fup- 
 port of the eftablifliment. , 
 
 The king, having thought it necefiary, at tins 
 time, to fend for two battalions more from hence, 
 has ordered that, immediately upon their landing in 
 England, they fhould be put upon the Britifh efta- 
 blifbmcnt : and that the fupplemental increafe of re- 
 gular forces, for your defence here, fhall be made 
 in the leaft expenfive manner, by additional compa- 
 nies only ; after which augmentation, the number 
 of troops will (till be within the ufual military efta- 
 blimment. 
 
 MY LORDS, AND GENTLEMEN, 
 
 It is with the greateft fatisfaction that I hear of the 
 prefent flourifhing ftatc of the linen manufacture ; and 
 I moft earneftly recommend to you the care and im- 
 provement of fo valuable a branch of your trade. 
 Let not its profperity produce negligence ; and let it 
 never be fuppofed to be brought to its utmoft ex- 
 tent and perfection. Trade has always been the fup- 
 port of all nations, and the principal care of the 
 wifeft. 
 
 I perfuade myfelf that the bufinefs of this feffion 
 will be carried, on with that temper and unanimity, 
 which a true and unbiased regard for the public na- 
 turally produces, and which the prefent ftateof affairs 
 more particularly demands. For my own part, I 
 make no profeffions ; you will, you ought to judge 
 of me only by my actions. 
 
 LII.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LI. LH. jft 
 
 LII. 
 
 His excellency the earl of C H E s T E R F i i L D'S fpecch 
 to both houfes of parliament at Dublin, on Friday 
 April u, 1746. 
 
 MY LORDS, AND GENTLEMEN, 
 
 nr^ H E bufmefs of the feflion being now con- 
 * eluded, I believe you Cannot be unwilling to 
 return to your refpective counties, as you muft be 
 ienfible that the many good laws which you have paf- 
 fed will receive additional weight by your authority 
 in executing, and by your example in obferving, 
 them. 
 
 The almoft unprecedented temper and unanimity 
 with which you have carried on the public bufinefs, 
 your unfliaken fidelity to the king, your inviolable 
 attachment to the prefent happy conftitution, and 
 your juft indignation at the attempts lately made to- 
 fubvert it, will advantageoufly diftinguifa this feffion 
 in the journals of parliament ; and the concurrent 
 zeal and active loyalty of all his majefty's proteltant 
 iubjecls, of all denominations, throughout this king- 
 dom, prove at once how fenfible and how deferving 
 they are of his care and protection. Even thofe de- 
 luded people, who fcarccly acknowledge his govern- 
 ment, feem, by their conduct, tacitly to have confef- 
 fed the advantages they enjoy under it. At my re- 
 turn to his majefty's prclence, I (hall not fail moil 
 faithfully to report thelc truths, fince the molt faith*
 
 5 8o LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 ful will be, at the lame time, the mod favourable 
 
 reprefentation. 
 
 The rebellion, which rather difturbed than endan- 
 gered the king's government, has been defeated, 
 though not yet totally fuppreffed , but as thole flagi- 
 tious parricides who were abandoned enough' to 
 avow, and defperate enough to engage in, the caufe 
 of popery and tyranny, have already been repulfed 
 and purfued, by the valour and activity of his royal 
 highnefs the duke, there is the itrongeft reafon to be- 
 .lieve that he will foon complete the work which he 
 has ib glorioufly begun, and reftore the tranquillity 
 of the kingdom. This attempt, therefore, to (hake 
 his majefty's throne, xvill ferve to eltablifh it the 
 more firmly, fmce all Europe muft know the unani- 
 mous zeal and affection of his fubjedls for the defence 
 and fupport of his perfon and government , and 
 thofe hopes are at lad extinguifhed, with which the 
 pretender has fo long flattered, and, as it now appears, 
 deceived hiirifelf. Even the manner in which he 
 has been aififted by thole powers who encouraged 
 h:m to the attempt, mutt convince him that he has 
 now been, what he ever will be, only the occafional 
 tool of their politics, not the real object of their care. 
 
 GENTLEMEN OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, 
 
 I have the king's commands to thank you, in his 
 name, for the unanimity and difpatch with which 
 . you have granted the neceffary fupplies for the fup- 
 port of the ellablifhment ; you may depend upon 
 their being applied with the utiiioft exadnefs and 
 frugality. 
 
 I muft
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LIT. 3 $ i 
 I mull not omit my own acknowledgments for the 
 particular confidence you have placed in me, by 
 leaving to my care and management the great fum 
 that you voluntarily voted for national arms, and for 
 the fortifying the harbour of Corke. The confider- 
 able faving which will appear upon thofe, as well in 
 the intereft upon the loan, as in the application of 
 the principal, will, I hope, prove that 1 have been 
 truly fenfible of the trufl repofed in me. 
 
 The afiiftance which you have given to the pro- 
 teftant charter fchools, is a mod prudent, as well as 
 a moft compaffionate, charity; and I do very ear- 
 neftly recommend to your conftant protection and 
 encouragement that excellent inftitution, by whidi 
 fuch a confiderable number of unhappy children arc 
 annually refcued from the mifery that always, and 
 the guilt that commonly accompanies, uninftructed 
 poverty and idlenefs. 
 
 MY LORDS, AND GENTLEMEN, 
 
 Though Great Britain has, in the courfe of this 
 century, been often molefted by infurrtctions at home, 
 and invafions from abroad, this kingdom has happily, 
 and defervedly, enjoyed that uninterrupted tranquil- 
 lity, which trade and manufactures, arts and fciences, 
 require for their improvement and perfection. Na- 
 ture too has been peculiarly favourable to this coun- 
 try, whofe temperate climate and fruitful foil do in- 
 vite, and would reward, care and induftry. Let 
 me, therefore, moft ferioufly recommend to you, in 
 y-our private as well as in your public capacities, the 
 utmoft attention to thofe important objects, which 
 
 at
 
 3 * LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 at once enrich, ftrengthen, and adorn, a nation. 
 They will flourifh wherever they are cultivated j and 
 they are always beft cultivated by the indulgence, the 
 encouragement, and above all by the example, of 
 perfons of fuperior rank. 
 
 I cannot conclude, without repeating my heartieft 
 thanks to you for your kind addrefTes, in which you 
 cxprefs your approbation of my conduct. My duty 
 to the king, who wimes the intereft and happinefs of 
 all his fubjects, called for my utmoft endeavours to 
 promote yours ; and my inclinations confpired with 
 my duty. Thefe fentiments (hall, I aflure you, be 
 the only motives of all my actions, of which your 
 intereft muft confequently be the only object. 
 
 - 
 
 
 LIII.
 
 M I S C E L L A N E O US P I EC E S. LIL LUI. 3*5 
 
 LIIL. 
 
 
 ' 
 A Ihort character of the prefident de Mo N T E s QJJ i E u, 
 
 by lord CHESTERFIELD*. 
 
 N the tenth of this month (February 1755), 
 died at Paris, univerfally and fincerely regret- 
 ted, Charles Secondat, baron de Montefquieu, and 
 prtfidtnt a mortier of the parliament at Bourdemx, 
 His virtues did honor to human nature ; his writings, 
 juftice. A friend to mankind, he afiened their un- 
 doubted and inalienable rights with freedom, even in 
 his own country, whofe prejudices in matters of re- 
 ligion and government he had long lamented, and 
 endeavoured, not without fome fuccefs, to remove. 
 He well knew, and juftly admired, the happy conlti- 
 tution of this country, where fixed and known laws 
 equally reftrain monarchy from tyranny, and liberty 
 from licentioufnefs. His works will illuftrate his 
 name, and furvive him as long as right reafon, moraf 
 obligation, and the true fpirit of laws, (hall be under- 
 ftood, refpe&ed, and maintained -f- . 
 
 * This xvas ffnt from Bath by lord Chefterfield, on hearing of thr 
 death of his friend. It was inferred in the London Evening-Pott, 
 but without the name of the author. See Memoirs, Seft. VI. 
 
 f On the death of the celebrated Mr. de Fontenelle next year, 
 lord Cheferfield Hkewifc fent from Bath the following fliort account, 
 to be infected in the fame paper. The two nations were then at war 
 with each other. " Letters by this day's Flanders mail bring advwn^ 
 that, on the 9th inftant, died at Paris, aged 99 years, 1 1 months, 
 and 12 days, Mr. Bernard le Bowier de Fonteneiie, dean \dye* in 
 French means the oldcft member] of the French academy, aad of ;hc 
 royal academies ot btUes-lcttres andof fciences, a member of the royal 
 fotiety of London, and of tl>e royal academy at Berlin. The high> 
 reputation he has julHy acquired by his writings renders any ft*- 
 comjum fuuerfluous," 
 
 LIV.
 
 384 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 LIV. 
 
 A letter from the earl of CHESTERFIELD to Mr. de 
 BOUGAINVILLE*, read in the academy of infcriptions 
 and belles-lettres, on Tuefday, June 17, 1755. 
 
 S I R, 
 
 T WAS both aftonimed and flattered when your 
 -* brother told me I might, if I chofe it, be admit- 
 ted into the moft refpectable and moft refpe&ed fociety 
 in Europe. Dazzled at firft fight with fo flattering 
 an object, and led away by the delufions of felf-love, 
 I gave myfclf up to the pleating idea. I already 
 afpired after the honor, without once considering whe- 
 ther I was qualified for it. Reflection followed , and 
 modefty retrained me. I carefully examined myfelf, 
 in hopes of finding fome fpecious claims, or at leaft 
 fome pretence, that might in fome meafure juftify 
 your good opinion of me ; but alas ! Sir, that in- 
 quiry has been very mortifying to me. I found that 
 my younger years had been wafted in difiipation and 
 pleafure, which fcarce allowed me time fo much as to 
 think of the fciences ; and that, my riper years having 
 been wholly devoted to bufinefs, I had never been 
 at leifure to cultivate them. The ftudy of the fciences 
 would"*require the whole, and more than the whole, 
 of a man's life; would it then be confident with de- 
 cency to enter upon it at threeicore ? efpecially at 
 this diftance, where I can have no opportunity of 
 
 * Secretary to the academy, and brother to the gentleman who has 
 made himfelf fo confpicuous by fever ul navigations, ami efpecially 
 his voyage about the world. 
 
 improving
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LIV. 385 
 
 LIV. 
 
 Lettre de mylord C: STERFIELD a Mr. de BOUGAIN- 
 VILLE *, lue a. 1'academie des infcriptions et belles- 
 lettres, le mardi 17 Juin, 1755. 
 
 MONSIEUR, 
 
 T E fus egalement etonne et flatte quand monfieur 
 ^ votre frere me dit de votre part qu'il ne tiendroit 
 qu'a moi d'etre aggrege au corps le plus refpe&able 
 et le plus refpecle de 1'Europe. Ebloui d'abord par 
 1'eclat d'un objet fi flatteur, et feduit par les illufions 
 de 1'amour-propre, je me livrai a une fi douce idee : 
 j'afpirois deja a cet honneur, fans fonger feulement fi 
 j*en etois digne. Mais la reflexion fuivit, et la pudeur 
 me retint. Je m'examinai foigneufement, dans Tefpe- 
 rance de trouver quelques droits un peu fpecieux, ou 
 du moins quelques preventions, qui puflent en quelque 
 facon juftifier votre prevention en ma faveur; mais 
 helas ! monfieur, cette recherche m'a etc bien humi- 
 liante ; j'ai trouve que ma jeunefle, prodiguee dans 
 la diflipation et les plaifirs, m'avoit a peine permis de 
 penfer feulement aux fciences, et que mon age plus 
 avance, occupc entierement par les affaires, ne m'avoit 
 pas accorde le loifir de les cultiver. Les fciences dc- 
 mandent non-feulement toute la vie, mais encore 
 bien plus que toute la vie de rhomme. La bien- 
 feance foufFrira-t-elle done qu'un fe.xagenaire fe pre- 
 fente pour y commencer fon noviciat ? fur-tout prive 
 comme il Teft par Teloignement des occafions de 
 VOL. II. C c profiler
 
 3 $6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 improving by the inftructions and example of the 
 learned members of that illuftrious body. So cir- 
 cumftanced, I am at a lofs what to do. I think I 
 ought not to follicit an honor for which I am fo un- 
 qualified ; and yet, I muft confefs, I cannot help ar- 
 dently wifhing for it. I leave it entirely to you. 
 The interefts of the fociety muft be dear to you, 
 who have been fo eminently diftinguiflied by it. I 
 am not to fuppofe you would betray them, in return 
 for the regard and efteem with which I have the ho- 
 nor to be, &c. 
 
 (Signed,) 
 
 CHESTERFIELD. 
 
 LV. 
 
 A letter of thanks from the earl of CHESTERFIELD, 
 on his being admitted a free foreign member of 
 the academy ; read at the meeting, on Friday, 
 AuguftS, 1755. 
 
 GENTLEMEN, 
 
 THE mind is naturally prepared for honors or 
 mortifications, from a confcioufnefs of its own 
 deferts , but when a man is undefervedly or unex- 
 pectedly raifed to the one, or expofed to the other, 
 the effect is a confufed fenfation, not to be exprefled, 
 which at once ftuns the foul, and takes away all power 
 of utterance, whether of gratitude or complaint. 
 
 This fenfation, gentlemen, is what I now experience. 
 The honor of being afibciated to one of the moft il- 
 luftrious
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LIV. LV. 387 
 profiter cles inftrudtions, et de fe former fur les mo 
 deles des illuftres membres d'un fi illuftre corps. 
 Que dois-je done faire dans ces circonftances ? II ne 
 me paroit pas permis de poftuler un honneur que je 
 merite fi peu, mais en meme terns j'avoue qu'il m'eft 
 impoffible de ne le pas ardemment defirer. Je m'en 
 remets a vous entierement ; les intcrets de 1'academie 
 doivent vous etre chers ; elle a reconnu et diftingue 
 votre merite ; je ne dois pas fuppofer que vous vouliez 
 les trahir en confideration du zele et de Teftime avec 
 kfquels j'ai 1'honneur d'etre, &c. 
 
 CHESTERFIELD; 
 
 LV. 
 
 Lettre de remerciment de mylord CHESTERFIELD, 
 recu au nombre des academiciens libres etrangers, 
 lue dans la feance du vendredi 8 Aout 1755. 
 
 MESSIEURS, 
 
 N fe trouve naturellement prepare aux honneurs 
 et. aux difgraces, lorfqu'on fent qu'on en e(l 
 digne ; mais lorfque, fans les merirer, ou fans avoir 
 pu les attendre, OR fe voit cleve aux uns, ou expofe 
 aux autres, leur eftet eft un fentiment confus qui ne 
 peut s'exprimer ; il etourdit Tame, et etourfc egale- 
 ment la voix de la reconnoiflance ou de la plainte. 
 
 Ce fentiment, Tneflkurs, vous me le faites eprouver. 
 
 I/affbciation- que m'accorde une des plus illuftres 
 
 C c 2 academies
 
 S 88 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 luflrious academics in Europe, amazes and confounds 
 me. I am equally at a lofs to account for the motives 
 of your choice, and to find expreffions adequate to 
 my gratitude. 
 
 In vain have I recourfe to the deceits of felf-love. 
 They can never make me forget the degree of meric 
 which might juftify your preference, nor prevent mjr 
 fears that this may be thought to be the firft error you 
 have ever been guilty of. To what principle is it re- 
 ducible, that you mould confer iuch an honor on a 
 foreigner, who is feparated from you, not only by the 
 lea, but flill more fo by the want of thofe talents that 
 fo eminently diftinguim you? Is it owing to the na- 
 'tural politenefs of your nation, which manifefls itfelf 
 to, or rather diffufes itfelf over, all others ? No, gen- 
 tlemen ; diftahce of place has been favourable to me. 
 Fame, that meflenger, who never keeps within the 
 bounds of ftric~b truth, who magnifies every object, 
 and feems to gather ftrength in proportion to the fpace 
 Ihe meafures, has doubtlels transformed my love of 
 literature into actual knowledge, and your propenfity 
 to indulgence has inclined you to believe her. 
 
 Our tafte is formed in the early years of our life. 
 I ewed mine to the tincture I then received of thofe 
 pleafing attainments, which adorn every ftation, and 
 cmbcllilh every period of life. From my heart I 
 both loved and honored them, but it was my mif- 
 fortune to want opportunities for making a fufficient 
 progrefs in them. Too much addicted to pleafure in 
 my younger years, and hurried away, in riper age, by 
 the torrent of publh affairs, that time has glided 
 away too fwiftly, which would have been better em- 
 ployed
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. IV, 3 8<j 
 academies de 1'Europe, m'etonne et me confond. 
 Quels furent les motifs de votre choix ? Je les cherche, 
 et les trouve auffi peu que des expreffions propor- 
 tionnees a ma reconnoiflance. 
 
 L'amour-propre me prete-t-il fes illufions ? Elles 
 ne fauroient me faire oublier le degre de merite qui 
 pourroit juftitier votre preference, ni m'empecher de 
 craindre que ce choix ne paroifie votre premiere er- 
 reur. A quel principe un etranger que la mer, moins 
 encore que les talens qui vous diftinguent, a fepare 
 de vous, pourroit-il devoir un tel honneur? Seroit- 
 ce a cette politefle fi naturelle a votre nation, qui 
 fe manifefte, ou plutot qui fe rep and fur toutes 
 les autres ? Non, meffieurs, 1'eloignement m*a ete 
 fiivorable. La renommee, cette meflagere qui 
 toujours manque d'exactitude, et fouvent de fide- 
 lite, qui groflk egalement tons les objets, et qui 
 femble acquerir des forces a proportion du chemin 
 qu'elle parcourt, aura transforme en connoifiance, 
 inon amour pour les belles-lettres, et difpofes com- 
 mc vous 1'etes a 1'indulgence, fans doute vous Tea 
 avez trop crue. 
 
 Les premieres annees de la vie decident de nos 
 gouts. J'ai du les miens a la teinture que je refus 
 alors de ces connoifTances aimables qui relevent tous 
 les ctats, et qui embellifTent tous les ages. Mon cceur 
 les cherit et les refpecla, mais j'eus le malheur de ne 
 pouvoir fuffifamment les cultiver. Trop diffipe dans 
 ma jeunelTe, entraine, dans 1'age mur, par le torrent 
 des affaires publiques, j'ai vu s'ecouler, avec trop de 
 rapiditc, un terns que les lettres auroient mieux rempli. 
 C c 3 Mon
 
 yp LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 ployed in literary improvements. All I could do was 
 to be a weli-wifher to them, and I have been a warm 
 one. Why am I compelled to confefs that the al- 
 tars I have raifed to literature were, in fome meafure, 
 like that of Athens, dedicated to the unknown God! 
 
 Reftored to myfelf, though late, 1 feek in thefe 
 ftudies a refource for old age, and a rational amufe- 
 ment for retirement. Thefe I find in your memoirs, 
 which afford me both inftruclion and pleafure. There 
 the genius and the works of antiquity are refcued 
 from oblivion, explained, and brought within my 
 reach, and* I will venture to add, emulated by your 
 own. 
 
 The brighteft days of literary focieties are preceded 
 by a faint dawn ; but your infancy was that of a body 
 that feels what it" is one day to be. It was the infancy 
 of Hercules. At a. time when the academy feemed 
 wholly intent upon conferring immortality on the 
 great monarch who had given it being, (he was ex- 
 tending her views, and preparing her labors. She 
 took a retro fpedtive furvey of pad ages, .and ftood 
 forth to future ages as a repofitory for great actions, 
 and a m$del of tafte. So fuccefsful was this infti- 
 tuiion in promoting genius and talents, that, in .a very 
 few years, it was more difficult to limit the number 
 of pl.ices than to fill .them properly. 
 
 But now that my name is to appear in your lift, 
 have we rot room to be apprehenfive of an unfavour- 
 able revolution ? and, by admitting me into your 
 ibciety, do you not authorize the complaints that are 
 made concerning the degeneracy of the times ? Thefe 
 complaints, gentlemen, .are the common-place of 
 
 pride,
 
 MISCELL ANEOUS' PIECES. LV. 391 
 Mon zc!e fir : ce que je pus leur dormer, et ce 
 zele f\r . r*ourquoi me vois -je oblige de rccon- 
 noi'"' ijjc les autels qu'il lui eleva furent, -peut-etre, 
 a rexemple de celui d'Athencs,- confacre a la divinitf 
 inconnue ? 
 
 Revenu, quoique trop tard, a moi-meme, je cherche 
 dans les lettres des reflburces pour 1'age, des agremens 
 piur la retraire. Vos memoires me les fournifTent; 
 j'y puife des inftrnctions et des plaifirs; j'y trouve le 
 genie et les ouvrages de la belle antiquite arraches de 
 Toubli, developpes, mis a ma portee, et je ne crains 
 point d'ajouter, egales par les votres. 
 
 Les jours les plus brillans des focietes litteraries 
 font ordinairement devances par une foible aurore ; 
 mais votre enfance fut celle d'un corps qui fent ce 
 qu'il doit etre un jour. C'etoit re"hfance d'Hercule. 
 Dans le tems que 1'academie fembloit ne s'occuper 
 que du foin de donner rimmortalke an grand mo- 
 narque qui lui donnoit 1'exiftence, elle etendoit tou- 
 jours fes vues, et preparoit fes travaux. Elle jettoit 
 fes regards fur les fiecles pafles, et s'annon9oit aux 
 fiecles futurs, comme chargee du depot des grandes 
 adtions, et des modcles du gout. Une heureufe fe- 
 condite multiplia en fi peu d'annees les genies et les 
 talens, que bientot il devint plus difficile de limiter le 
 nombre des places que de les bien remplir. 
 
 Mais a prefent que mon nom va paroitre fur votre 
 lifte, n'y a-t-il pas lieu de craindre une revolution peu 
 avantagcufe ; et n'autorifez-vous pas, en me faifant 
 entrer dans votre corps, les plaintes qu'on fait que 
 notre fiecle degenere ? Ces plaintes, melTieurs, font le 
 C c 4 lieu
 
 392 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 pride, envy, and ill-nature ; the human heart in- 
 dulges them with a fecret complacency. It is eafier 
 to forgive a pad and remote fuperiority, than to en- 
 dure cotemporary, and, if I may be allowed the ex- 
 predion, contiguous merit. Your choice may be 
 blamed, but will never be imputed to necefTity. 
 Such a fufpicion would be contradicted by too many 
 eminent men, formed upon your model in your own 
 country. It will only be faid that, as you can re- 
 ceive no additional luftre, you have condelcended to 
 reflect fome part of yours upon me. 
 
 I have the honor to be, &c. 
 
 (Signed,) 
 
 CHESTERFIELD. 
 London, July 31, 1755. 
 
 LVI.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS P I E C E S. LV- 393 
 lieu commufl de 1'orgueil, de Tenvie, ct de la ma- 
 lignite ; le cceur humain s'y livre avec complaifance; 
 il eft plus facile pour lui de pardonner une iuperiorite 
 paflee, et perdue dans 1'cloignement, que de fourTrir 
 un merice contemporain, et fi j'ofe hafarder ce mot, 
 contigu. On pourra blamer votre choix, mais on 
 ne 1'attribuera jamais a la necefiite. Trop de favans 
 illuftres, formes a votre modele dans votre propre 
 patrie, dementiroient un tel foupfon. On dira fimple- 
 ment que, ne pouvant recevoir un nouveau luftre, 
 vous avez daigne me communiquer une parde du 
 votre. 
 
 J'ai Thonneur d'etre, &c. 
 
 A Londres, ce 31 Juillet, 
 
 (Sign;,) 
 
 CHESTERFIELD. 
 
 LV1.
 
 394 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 LVI. 
 
 Preface to Love Elegies, by WILLIAM HA M M o N D 
 Efquire, published in 1742 *. 
 
 following elegies were wrote by a young 
 -* gentleman lately dead, and juftly lamented. 
 
 As he had never declared his intentions concern- 
 ing their publication, a friend of his, into whole 
 hands they fell, determined to publifh them, in the 
 perfuafion that they would neither be unwelcome to 
 the public, nor injurious to the memory of their au- 
 thor. The reader muft decide, whether this deter- 
 mination was the refult of juft judgment or partial 
 friend (Hip ; for the editor feels, and avows fo much 
 of the latter, that he gives up all pretenfions to the 
 former. 
 
 The author compofed them ten years ago, before 
 he was two-and-twenty years old ; an age, when fancy 
 and imagination commonly riot, at the expence of 
 judgment and correclnels, neither of which feem 
 wanting here. But, fincere in his love as in his 
 friendfhip, he wrote to his miftrefles, as he fpoke to 
 his friends, nothing but the true genuine fentiments 
 of his heart ; he fate down to write what he thought, 
 riot to think what he mould write ; it was nature and 
 fentiment only that dictated to a real miftrefs, not 
 
 * See Memoirs of lord Chefterfield under that year. This pre- 
 face, which fell from his pen, is a noble monument of his feelings, 
 his tafte, and the love which he bore to his country ; a ientiment 
 as diitant from modern patriotism, as thofe that ufurp that qualifi- 
 cation are from the noble author. 
 
 youthful
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LVI. 395 
 youthful and poetic fancy, to an imaginary one. 
 Elegy therefore ipeaks here her own, proper, native 
 language, the unaffected plaintive language of the 
 tender paflions -, the true elegiac dignity and fimpli- 
 city are preferved, and united ; the one without 
 pride, the other without meannefs. Tibullus feems 
 to have been the model our author judicioufly pre- 
 ferred to Ovid ; the former writing directly from, the 
 heart, to the heart ; the latter too often yielding and 
 addreffing himfelf to the imagination. 
 
 The undiffipated youth of the author allowed him 
 time to apply himfelf to the beft matters, the an- 
 dents, and his parts enabled him to make the beft 
 ufe of them ; for, upon thofe great models of folid 
 fenfe and virtue, he formed not only his genius, but 
 his heart, both well prepared by nature to adopt, 
 and adorn the refemblance. He admired thatjuft- 
 nefs, that noble fimplicity of thought, and expref- 
 fion, which have diftinguimed and preferved their 
 writings to this day ; but he revered that love of 
 their country, that contempt of riches, that facred- 
 nefs of friendlhip, and all thofe heroic and focial vir- 
 tues, which marked them out as the objects of the 
 veneration, though not the imitation, of fucceeding 
 ages , and he looked back with a kind of religious 
 awe and delight, upon thofe glorious and happy 
 times of Greece and Rome, when wifdom, virtue, and 
 liberty, formed the only triumvirates, ere luxury in-< 
 vited corruption to taint, or corruption introduced 
 flavery to deftroy, all public and private virtues. In 
 thde fentiments he lived, and would have lived even 
 in thefc times ; in thcie fentiments he died -* but in 
 
 thefe
 
 39 6 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 
 thefe times too Uf non erepta a diis imm&rtalibus 
 vita, fed donata mors effe videatur. 
 
 LVII. 
 
 The Character of RICHARD, Earl of Scarborough, 
 Auguft 29, 1759 *. 
 
 IN drawing the character of lord Scarborough, I 
 will-be ftricbly upon my guard againft the partia- 
 lity of that intimate and unreferved friendship, in 
 which we lived for more than twenty years j to 
 which friendship, as well as to the public notoriety 
 of it, I owe much more than my pride will let my 
 gratitude own. If this may be fufpected to have 
 biafled my judgment, it muft, at the fame time, be 
 allowed to have informed it ; for the moft fecret 
 movements of his foul were, without difguife, com- 
 municated to me only. However, I will rather 
 lower than heighten the colouring ; I will mark the 
 fhades, and draw a credible rather than an exact 
 likenefs. 
 
 He had a very good perfon, rather above the mid- 
 dle fize ; a handlbme face, and, when he was chear- 
 ful, the moft engaging countenance imaginable ; 
 y/hen grave, which he was ofteneft, the moft refpect- 
 ablc one. He had in the higheft degree the air, 
 
 * I received this piece from lady ChefterfTeld. Indeed it wants 
 no marks of authenticity. The noble author's mind and heart are 
 painted in it m the Hvelieil manner ; and he who can read it with- 
 out fhariug his feelings muft have a foul very different from his. 
 
 manners
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LVI. LVII. 397 
 manners and addrefs of a man of quality, politenefs 
 with eafe, and dignity without pride. 
 
 Bred in camps and courts, it cannot be fuppofed 
 that he was untainted with the fafhionable vices of 
 thefe warm climates ; but (if I may be allowed the 
 expreffion) he dignified them, inftead of their degra- 
 ding him into any mean or indecent action. He had 
 a good degree of clafiical, and a great one of mo- 
 dern, knowledge; with a juft, and, at the fame time, 
 a delicate tafte. 
 
 In his common expences he was liberal within 
 bounds ; but in his charities and bounties he had 
 none. I have known them put him to fome prefent 
 inconveniencies. 
 
 He was a ftrong, but not an eloquent or florid 
 fpeaker in parliament. He fpoke fo unaffectedly the 
 honeft dictates of his heart, that truth and virtue, 
 which never want, and feldom wear, ornaments, 
 feemed only to borrow his voice. This gave fuch an 
 aftonifhing weight to all he faid, that he more than 
 once carried an unwilling majority after him. Such 
 is the authority of unfufpected virtue, that it will 
 fometimes fhame vice into decency at lead. 
 
 He was not only offered, but prefled to accept, 
 the poft of fecretary of date ; but he condantly re- 
 fufed it. I once tried to perfuade him to accept it; 
 but he told me, that both the natural warmth and 
 melancholy of his temper made him unfit for it ; 
 and that moreover he knew very well that, in thofe 
 minifterial employments, the courfe of bufinefs made 
 it necefiary to do many hard thing*, and fome un- 
 juft ones, which could only be authorifed by the je- 
 
 fuitical
 
 39 8 LORD CHESTERFIELD'S 
 fuitical cafuiftry of the direction of the intention ; a 
 doctrine which he faid he could not pofiibly adopt. 
 Whether he was the firft that ever made that objec- 
 tion, I cannot affirm ; but I fufpect that he will be 
 the laft. 
 
 He was a true conftitutional, and yet practicable 
 patriot i a fincere lover and a zealous afTerter of the 
 natural, the civil, and the religious rights of his 
 country. But he would not quarrel with the crown, 
 for fome flight ftretches of the prerogative ; nor with 
 the people, for fome unwary ebullitions of liberty ; 
 nor with any one, for a difference of opinion in fpe- 
 culative points. He confidered the conftitution in 
 the aggregate, and only watched that no one part of 
 it fhould preponderate too much. 
 
 His moral character was fo pure, that if one may 
 fay of that imperfect creature man, what a celebrated 
 hiftorian fays of Scipio, nil non laudandum aut dixit^ 
 aut fecit, aut fen/it , I fincerely think, (I had almoft 
 faid I know) one might fay it with great truth of him, 
 one fingle inftance excepted, which fhall be men- 
 tioned. 
 
 Rejoined to the nobleft and ftricteft principles of 
 honor and generality the tenderefl fentiments of bene- 
 volence and companion; and as he was naturally 
 warm, he could not even hear of an injuftice or a 
 bafenefs, without a fudden indignation, nor of the 
 misfortunes or miferies of a felfow creature, without 
 melting into foftnefs, and endeavouring to relieve 
 them. This part of his character was fo univerfally 
 known, that our beft and moft fatyrical Englifh poet 
 fays ; 
 
 When
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. LVIT. y& 
 
 When I confefs, there is who feels for fame, 
 Ad nrelts to goodnefs, Scarb' rough need I name ? 
 
 He had not the Jeaft pride of birth and rank, 
 that common narrow notion of little minds, that 
 wretched miftaken fuccedaneum of merit ; but he 
 was jealous to anxiety of his character, as all men 
 are who deferve a good one. And fuch was his dif- 
 fidence upon that fubjecT, that he never could bd 
 perfuaded that mankind really thought of him as 
 they did. For furely never man had a higher repu- 
 tation, and never man enjoyed a more univerfal ef- 
 teem. Even knaves refpected him ; and fools thought 
 they loved him. If he had any enemies (for I pro- 
 teft I never knew one), they could only be fuch as 
 were weary of always hearing of Ariftides the Juft. 
 
 He was too lUbjecl: to fudden gufts of pafficn, but 
 they never hurried him into any illiberal or indecent 
 expreffion or action; fo invincibly habitual to him 
 were good-nature and good-manners. But, if ever 
 any word happened to fall from him in warmth, 
 which upon fubfequent reflection he himfelf thought 
 too ftrong, he was never eafy till he had made more 
 than a fufficient atonement for it. 
 
 He had a moft unfortunate, I will call it a moft 
 fatal kind of melancholy in his nature, which oftea 
 made him both abfent and filent in company, but 
 never morofe or four. At other times he was a chear- 
 ful and agreeable companion j but, confcious that he 
 was not always fo, he avoided company too much, 
 and was too often alone, giving way to a train of 
 gloomy reflexions. 
 
 His
 
 4oo LORD CHESTERFIELD'S, &c. 
 
 His conftitution, which was never robuft, broke 
 rapidly at the latter end of his life. He had two 
 jfevere ftrokes of apoplexy or palfy, which confider- 
 ably affected his body and his mind. 
 
 I define that this may not be looked upon as a full 
 and finimed character, writ for the fake of writing 
 it ; but as my folemn depofit of the truth to the beft 
 of my knowledge. I owed this fmall tribute of 
 juftice, fuch as it is, to the memory of the beft man 
 I ever knew, and of the deareft friend I ever had. 
 
 END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
 
 [ 401 
 
 INDEX 
 
 TO THE 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 
 
 A, 
 
 (writers for). Paper 
 againfl them, 101 108. 
 
 All kinds of cenfured, p. 87 93. Ridi- 
 culed, 275^278. 
 Alexander (opera of). Singular circumftance in it, 
 
 299. 
 
 Arnall (Mr. writer of the Free Briton). Anecdote of, 
 7, in the note. 
 
 B. 
 
 Bill (propofed in parliament for the regulation of 
 theatrical entertainments). Strictures upon, 65 
 71. It's infufHcienry to anfwer the end propofed, 
 65 68. It's difadvantages in the reftraints it lays 
 upon genius, 69. Its injuries to the public, 70, 71. 
 VOL. II. D d Speech
 
 4 02 INDEX TO THE 
 
 Speecli upon it, 321 339. Reafons for its being, 
 propofed, 320, 321. 
 
 C. 
 
 CbeJIerjield (Earl of). His papers in Fog's Journal, 
 i 27. His humorous account of a waxen army, 4 8. 
 His political and allegorical paper on the ears, 1 1 
 19. His political eflay on the eyes, 20 27. His 
 'writings in a periodical paper called Common Senfe, 
 28 151. His introduction and account of it's title, 
 28 37. His propofal for weighing the members 
 of the State, 37 44. His remarks upon drefs, 45 
 51. His paper upon honor, 51 58. His defcrip- 
 tion of a man of honor, 53. His explanation of 
 and comments upon a political allegory, from Du 
 Halde's account of China, 5864. His remarks on 
 the bill propofed in parliament for licenfing and 
 regulating the theatres, 65 71. His paper againft it, 
 71 79. His paper on the country retreat of mem- 
 bers of parliament after the feflion, 79 86. His 
 paper on affeftadon, 87 93. His cenfure of female 
 coxcombs, 94 101. His paper againft the writers 
 of adminiftration, concerning the regulation of the 
 theatres, 101 108. His obfervations upon the 
 dangers ladies are expofed to on their firft coming 
 to town in January, 108117. His paper upon 
 gluttony and the luxury of the table, 117 126. 
 His vindication of lord Lyttelton againft the writers 
 of the Gazetteer, 126 131. His paper on antient 
 and modern mtific, 131 138. His ftriftures on the 
 tafte for French fafhions, 139 146. His paper on 
 
 the
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 403 
 
 the connexions between England and Hanover, 
 146 151. His mifcellanies in a periodical paper 
 called Old England, or The Conftitutional Journal, 
 152 1 66. His cenfures of the miniftry, 152 
 160. His account of the method of conducting the 
 paper, 160 166. His writings in a periodical paper 
 called The World, 166 -319. His account of a 
 country gentleman going to Paris with his family, 
 1 66 177. His remarks on noflrums and fpecifics, 
 177 1 80. His account of a iingular method of 
 ihort writing, 1 8 1 1 85. Expofes the danger of read- 
 ing romances, 186 191. His remarks on the little 
 benefit accruing to Englishmen from their travels, 
 191 198. His ironical commendation of the prefent 
 times, 198 205. His account of the members of 
 aclub, 206 215. His defcription of a club-dinner, 
 213 219. His reflection on his entertainment there, 
 220 226. His eflay on the Italian opera, 226 
 232. His remarks on the neceffity of an Englifh 
 dictionary, and his recommendation of doftor John- 
 fon's, 232 238. His humorous obfervations on the 
 Engliih language, 238 244. His remarks on the 
 prevailing cuftom among ladies of painting, 244 
 250. His account of the reception ot the paper, 
 251 256. His remarks on the utility of preju- 
 dices, 257 261. His paper on duelling, 261 268. 
 His paper on rhe pride of birth, 2^58 273. His 
 paper on affechuion, 274 278. His advice to the 
 ladies on their return into the country, 27^ 284. 
 His efiay on civility and good-breeding, 284 289. 
 His account of people oi faihion, 289 299. His 
 D d 2 paper
 
 404 I N D E X T O T H E 
 
 paper upon decorum, 299 306. His eflay on paf- 
 fion, 306 3 12. His paper on the fuppofed dege- 
 neracy of the times, 312319. His fpeech on the 
 bill for licenfing the theatres, 321 339. His firft 
 fpeech on the gin-aft, 340 349. His fecond ditto, 
 349 365* His letter on taking leave of the States 
 General, &c. in 1732, 366 370. His fpeech on 
 the fame occafion, in 1745, 37 374- His fpeech 
 as lord lieutenant, to both houfes of parliament at 
 Dublin, in 1745, 37^ 37^ Ditto, in 1746, 379 
 382. His character of Baron Montefquieu, 383. 
 His letter to Mr. de Bougainville, 384 386. His 
 letter of thanks to the Academy of infcriptions and 
 belles lettres, on being chofen a foreign member, 
 386 392. His preface to Mr. Hammond's Love 
 Elegies, 394 396. His character of lord Scarbo- 
 rough, 396 400. 
 Civility. Diftinction between that and good-breeding, 
 
 284289. 
 
 Club. Members of it defcribed, 208 213. The din- 
 ner defcribed, 213 219. Reflections upon it, 220 
 226. 
 
 Common Senfe (a periodical paper fo called). Extracts 
 from, 28151. 
 
 N I. Introduction to the paper, and account of 
 
 the title, 28 37. 
 N 3. Humorous propofals for weighing the 
 
 members of the State, 37 44. 
 N 4. Upon drefs, 44 51. 
 N 14. Upon the word honor, 51 58. 
 N 1 6. A political allegory, 58 64. 
 
 2 N 1.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 405 
 
 N 19. Upon the bill propofed in parliament, 
 for licenfmg and regulating the theatres, 65 
 
 71. 
 N 25. On parties, 71 79. 
 
 N 30. On the members of parliament retiring 
 into the country at the end of the feflion, 79 
 86. 
 
 N 32. On affe&ation, 87 93. 
 N 33. On female coxcombs, 94101. 
 N 37. Humorous paper againft the writers for 
 adminiftration, concerning the regulation of the 
 theatres, 101 108. 
 
 N 51. Humorous paper on the dangerous fitua- 
 tion of the lad ; ;s on their firft coming to town 
 in January, 108 117. 
 N 54. Upon gluttony and the luxury of the 
 
 table, 117 126. 
 N 57. A vindication of lord Lyttelton againft 
 
 the writers of The Gazetteer, 126 131. 
 N 89. Humorous and political paper on mufic, 
 
 131138. 
 N 93. On the tafte for French falhions, 139 
 
 146. 
 
 N 103. Humorous political paper on the connec- 
 tions between England and Hanover, 146 
 151. 
 
 Coxcombs. Definition of, 87. Varieties of, 88, 89, 
 90, 91. 
 
 (female). Account of, 94101. 
 
 Cuftom. Account of a fingular one prevailing in the 
 
 Eaft, of annually weighing the Mogul, 37, 38. Re- 
 
 D d 3 marks
 
 4 o6 INDEX TO THE 
 
 marks upon it, 39, 40. Antiquity of it, 41. Appli- 
 cation of it to modern times, 41, 42, 43. 
 
 D. 
 
 Decorum. What ? 299 306. Attention to it recom- 
 mended, 301 306. 
 
 Drefs. Remarks upon, 45 51. Propriety in it re- 
 commended, 46, 47. Its advantages, 48. 
 
 Drinking. Its pernicious efiefts, 213 225. 
 
 Duelling, Stri&ures upon, 261 268. Unknown to 
 the antients, 262. Its origin, 262, 263. Singular 
 tale of a duel between a man and a dog, 264, 265. 
 
 Du Halde (father). A political allegory extracted from 
 his Account of China, 58, 59. 
 
 F * 
 
 FaJInons (French). Abfurdity and folly of imitating 
 
 them, 139 146. 
 
 Fog's Journal (a periodical paper). Extracts from, 
 127. 
 N 376. Humorous account of a waxen army, 
 
 i ii. 
 N 377. Allegorical and political paper on the 
 
 ears, 1119. 
 N 388. A political paper on the eyes, 20 27. 
 
 G. 
 
 Gin Acl. Firfl fpeech upon, 340 349. Second ditto, 
 
 349 365. Defigu of it, 340, in the note. 
 Gluttony. An eflay upon, 117126. 
 
 H,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 407 
 
 H. 
 
 Hammond (Mr.). Preface to his Elegies, 394, 395. 
 Hieroglyphics. New invention of, 181 185. 
 Honor (Men of). Character and account of, 53 58. 
 Letters of, 4, 55, 56. True man of, deicribed, 
 
 2OI. 
 
 Irwine (General), * Anecdote concerning him, 284, in 
 
 *-li o ny-vt^e- 
 
 Ladies. The dangers they are expofed to on their re- 
 turn to town, 108 117. Their cuftom of paint- 
 ing cenfured, 244 250. Advice to them on their 
 going into the country, 279^ 284. 
 
 Letter. Curious one of a fon, upon his travels, to his 
 father, 193, 194. Of lord Chefterfield to the States 
 General of the United Provinces for taking leave, 
 in 1732, 366 370. Of ditto, to Mr. de Bougainville, 
 384 386. Of thanks from ditto, on being admitted 
 a foreign member of the Academy of infcriptions and 
 belles lettres at Paris, 386 392. 
 
 Liotard (Mr.). Anecdote of, 245. Account of, 245, in 
 the note. 
 
 Ljttellon (lord). Defence of him againfl the writers of 
 the Gazetteer, 126 131. 
 
 i M.
 
 408 INDEX TO THE 
 
 M. 
 
 Kletaftafio (Signer). His attempt to improve the Italian 
 
 opera ill received, 228. 
 lilufic. Companion between the effe&s of antient and 
 
 modern, 133 138. 
 
 N. 
 Noflrums and Specifics v. Obfervations on, 177 181. 
 
 O. 
 
 Old England, or the Conjlitutional Journal (a periodical 
 paper fo called). Extracts from, 152 166. Defign 
 of this paper explained, 152, in the note. 
 
 N i. Cenfure of the miniftry, 152 160. 
 N 3. Humorous account of the conduft of the 
 
 paper, 160 166. 
 
 Opera (Italian). Eflfay upon, 22^ 229. Difference 
 between that and the French, 227. Attempts to im- 
 prove it, 228. Stri&ures on the performers in it, 
 229232. 
 
 P. 
 
 Parties (political). Inconvenience of, 71 79. 
 Piiffion. Ill effefts and abfurdity of expofed, 306 
 
 312. 
 Prejudices* Their utility, 257261. 
 
 8,
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, 409 
 
 S. 
 
 Scarborough (earl of). Hi$ character, 396 400. 
 
 Singers (Italian). Strictures upon, 229 232. 
 
 Sobriety. Its advantages, 225, 226. 
 
 Speech. Lord Chefterfield's on the bill for licenfing and 
 regulating the theatres, 321 339. Firft on the gin 
 aft, 340 349. Second on ditto, 349 365. On 
 taking leave of the States General, &c. in 1745, 
 37 374- As lord lieutenant, to both houfes of 
 parliament at Dublin, in 1745? 376 378. Ditt 
 in 1746, 379382. 
 
 T. 
 
 Times. The degeneracy of them only imaginary, 312. 
 319. 
 
 W. 
 
 World (the). A periodical paper fo called. Extracts 
 from, 1 66 319. 
 
 N 18. Humorous account of a country gentleman 
 
 going to Paris with his family, 166 177. 
 N* 24. On noflrums and fpecifics, 177181. On 
 
 fhort writing, 181 -185. 
 
 N 25. The danger of reading romances, 186 
 191. 
 
 N 8 29.
 
 4 , I N D E X T O T'H E 
 
 N 29. On the little benefit accruing to Eng- 
 liftimen from their travels, 191 198. 
 
 K49 Ironical commendation of theprefent times, 
 198 205. 
 
 N 90. Characters of the members of a club, 206 
 213. 
 
 N 91. Defcription of the author's reception and 
 entertainment at a club, 213 219. 
 
 N92. The author's reflexions on the entertain- 
 ment he met with at the club-dinner, 220 
 226. 
 
 K 98. Eflay on the Italian opera, 226 23,2. 
 
 N 100. On the neceflity of an Englifh dictio- 
 nary, and the recommendation of Johnfon's, 
 232238. s 
 
 N 101. Humorous obfervations on the Englifh 
 language, 238244. 
 
 N 105. On the prevailing cuftom of painting 
 among the ladies, 244 250. 
 
 N in. Different opinions of this paper, 251 
 
 256. 
 
 Nii2. On prejudices, 257 261. 
 
 N 113. On duelling, 261 268. 
 
 N 114. On the pride of birth, 268 273. 
 
 N 120. On affectation, 274 278. 
 
 N 146. Advice to the ladies on their return jnto 
 
 the country, 279 284. 
 N 148. On civility and good-breeding, 284 
 
 289. 
 
 N 11.
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 411 
 
 N 9 151. On people of fafliion, 289 299. 
 N 189. Upon decorum, 299 306. 
 N 196. On paffion, 306 312. 
 N 197. On the fuppofed degeneracy of humaa 
 nature, 312319. 
 
 END OF THE SECOND VOLUxME,
 

 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below 
 
 61945 
 CT 24 1961 
 
 te*<*' 
 
 JTN- 
 
 2 1976 
 
 UMIYERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 t ,SS 
 
 LIBRARY
 
 3 1158 00159 6963 
 
 A 000 006 525 o