THE RADICAL MEMBER. BY THE AUTHOR OF "THE FIGHT AT DAME EUROPA'S SCHOOL." SECOND THOUSAND. SIMPKIN, MARSHALL AND SALISBUEY: BROWN AND CO. Price Sixpence. DCSB LIBRARY THE RADICAL MEMBER. BY THE AUTHOR OF "THE FIGHT AT DAME EUROPA'S SCHOOL." SECOND THOUSAND. SIMP KIN, MAE SHALL AND CO. SALISBURY : BROWN AND CO. SALISBURY : BENNETT, PRINTER, JOURNAL OFFICE. THE RADICAL MEMBER. CHAPTER I. DULMINSTER is a quiet provincial town, where political fights are, as they ought to be, fierce and bloody. Not without deadly wounds and immortal feats of arms is the honour won of representing an ancient borough in Parliament. The free and independent elector does not give his vote to any stupid fellow who asks for it. He wants to be satisfied that he is upholding the right man. He would like to know who Mr. So-and-So is, and what he has ever done, or is ever likely to do, for the city that returns him, for the committee that sits for him, for the honest working man that puts on his Sunday coat to go and vote for him. Where does he buy his boots ? and how much does he subscribe every year to the hospital ? and how many situations in London has his interest procured for the young men of the town ? If he can't answer satisfactorily such plain questions as these, " then, gentlemen," says the free and inde- pendent elector, " then I say he is not deserving of the confidence of that great, that enlightened, that truly Liberal constituency whose suffrages he seeks." There is no nonsense about the British householder at Dulminster. He does not pretend to care two straws whether you are going to sup- port Mr. Gladstone or Mr. Disraeli. The question 4 The Radical Member. is, are you going to support him ? Politics, lie thinks, are all very well ; but politics won't supply meat for the larder, or pay the baker's bill. The best Parliament is the Parliament that does best for the country ; and the best member of Parliament is he who does best for the individual members of the community that is, for you and me. Why, then, should you and I be called upon to give our vote to a man who does not care one farthing whether we feed or starve ? Such being the sound and moral principle on which the ratepayers of Dulminster exercise their rights of citizenship, it will scarcely be a matter of surprise that election time should be a time of war. Of course there is no bribery or intimida- tion. The constituency is not so corrupt as all that. Votes cannot be bought or sold, but each man does as his conscience bids him. Only the Dulminster consciences are tender very tender indeed. So tender that Bumps, the pawnbroker, who has not entered a place of worship since his marriage, and believes in nothing particular, was seized with Protestant horror on the announcement of a candidate whose wife was third cousin four times removed to Mr. Mackonochie's aunt. So tender that old Maltby, the brewer, who has never spent a single sixpence on the education of any child that was ever born, got up a furious agita- tion against a late Conservative member for daring to say that the only decently behaved domestic in his household was an old woman who could not write her name. " What business," exclaimed old Bumps, " have them Papishers to come here with their bowins and their crossins, and what not ? I be a true Protestant, sir, I be ; and I The Radical Member. 5 should like to know whether there is anything about bowins and crossins in the Bible. If so be there is, where bees it ? " " Quite right, Mr. Bumps," said the Radical candidate, who was going his rounds canvassing with Mr. Sniggs, the New Connexion Independent Baptist Minister; "quite right, sir; your senti- ments do you honour. And you are a man of taste, I see, Mr. Bumps, as well as a man of piety. That is a very old-fashioned cellaret, Mr. Bumps, up in the corner. I am certain my wife would be pleased if I were to bring that home. Now, how much might you want for that, Mr. Bumps ? &c. &c. &c." " What business," grunted old Maltby, "has a fellow to come here, to a town chock full of intelli- gence, and talk about eddication being carried too far ? I say, sir, that eddication is the child of civilization's birthright. I say, sir " Quite agree with you," said the Radical candi- date. " But I think, Mr. Maltby, that your good city is celebrated for other things besides intelli- gence. If I remember right, we have heard some- thing in London of the fame of your Dulminster ale. There is a good deal of beer drunk in my house, Mr. Maltby. Could you manage to send me some ? &c. &c." Thus it is that free and independent electors discharge their tender conscience of its load, and prove, to the eminent satisfaction of the daily press, that Liberal opinions throughout the length and breadth of the country are gaining ground. In defence of these Liberal opinions, from the purest and most disinterested motives, Messrs. Skinner and Screw, attorneys-at-law, carried on a 6 The Radical Member. tolerably profitable agency when Election time came round. At the time of which we are now writing there was no immediate prospect of any change, so far as the good citizens of Dul- minster were aware, in the representation of their borough. But Messrs. Skinner and Screw knew better. They had just received a private letter from the Radical Member, stating that circumstances over which he had no control would make it necessary for him to resign his seat for Dulminster any time within the next three months. If Messrs. Skinner and Screw saw their way to popping another Radical quietly into his place, he would retire at once; but if, on the other hand, they were not yet prepared with a champion sufficiently advanced in Republicanism, the honourable gentleman suggested that he and his agents should keep their secret to themselves, turning it to account at the first favourable oppor- tunity. Now it happened that Messrs. Skinner and Screw were by no means prepared with a candi- date for the proposed vacancy. The last contest at Dulminster had been unusually severe. The Conservatives had been defeated by only half-a- dozen votes, and it was confidently expected that at the next general election they would return their man. The Radical Member had spent his money among the conscientious and independent ratepayers very freely so freely, that he had not very much of it left to spend upon himself. He was in debt to the very tradesmen who had re- turned him. It may be doubted whether even the old-fashioned cellaret was yet paid for, or whether old Maltby the brewer had been reimbursed for the cost of his celebrated Dulminster ale. The Radical Member. 7 The plain fact is, that the Eadical Member aforesaid was a mere adventurer, who had gone into Parliament, just as he might have gone into business, as a pure matter of speculation. He saw that many a man, neither better nor cleverer than himself, simply because he could write him- self M.P., contrived to pick up a highly respect- able competence as director of this or that London Company. He had the wit to perceive that in the adoption of advanced Radical opinions his best chance lay ; and that there was no place where such principles might probably win more favour among the lower class of electors than a quiet provincial town. You have only to pat a poor man on the back, and tell him that he is the marrow and sinews of the country, and that if he had his deserts he would be in Parliament him- self, and it would be odd indeed if he did not agree with you. You have only to tell the strug- gling mechanic, with his eighteen shillings a week, what a fine fellow he is, and what a shame it is that the bishop's five thousand a year should not be divided between him and his wife, or applied to the maintenance of his half ragged children, and you may reasonably expect that he will at least listen to you with complacency. So this gentleman, whose name nobody had ever heard before, came down to Dulminster, and managed to get himself returned. But Skinner and Screw were very hard upon him. They did not carry on Parliamentary agencies for nothing. What with fees for this, and commission on that, and per centage on something else, they ran him up such a bill, that the directorship of sixteen railway companies and twenty-two insurance offices 8 The Radical Member. besides scarcely sufficed to clear him. Then there were subscriptions to be paid, and charities to be supported, and free and independent electors in reduced circumstances to be relieved ; and the end of it all was that by the time he had represented the ancient borough of Dulminster in the Liberal interest for a year and a half, the Eadical Member found himself wholly unequal to the payment of his butcher's bill. Now it so happened that in the immediate neighbourhood of the good city of Dulminster there existed a living type of that most anomalous species, a Radical peer. The father of the present Lord Crackling, having entered one of the bye- streets of the town half a century ago, with the stereotyped current coin of the realm in his pocket, and scarcely a decent pair of shoes to his feet, had prospered first as an errand boy, secondly as apprentice to a draper, and ultimately as partner in a flourishing business, from which he retired, at the age of sixty-five, with a good many thousands a year. Dulminster at this unreformed period returned two Members to Parliament, of whom Mr. Swyne, the industrious and successful ap- prentice, had latterly been one ; but when the great Broom came down with a rush, and swept all such electoral abuses away, the city was judged worthy of one representative only, and Mr. Swyne was rewarded for his labours and consoled for his loss by a seat in the Upper House. This dignity, at a good old age, he bequeathed to his son, the present proprietor of Boarshead Park. The second Lord Crackling, though doubtless a nobleman, could scarcely be styled a person of noble birth ; and to tell him that he Avas a gentle- The Radical Member. 9 man would have been simply calling him names. Like most men who have risen too fast from nothing, he was perpetually on the look-out for an insult, and could never believe that you did not intend to snub him. He was a fussy, self-im- portant old man, with none of the tact or clever- ness which had made his father's fortune, and with exactly two ideas in his head first, Lord Crackling ; secondly, Boarshead Park. There were only three other habitual inmates of the family mansion his lordship's august wife, and his lordship's son and daughter. They may be very briefly described. Lady Crackling was a proud, silly woman, who said to herself every minute of the day that she was the wife of a lord. The Hon. Clementina Swyne was just the least little bit affected. And the Hon. Samson Swyne was a fool. Such as he was, however, the Hon. Samson was the only possible candidate whose name occurred to Messrs. Skinner and Screw in connection with the ensuing vacancy in the representation of Dul- minster. Lord Crackling's influence was not perhaps so powerful in the borough as in the county ; and the good citizens had sworn to main- tain such terribly advanced principles of reform that it seemed doubtful whether the eldest son even of a Kadical peer could be persuaded to digest them. But the most formidable difficulty of all was one affecting personal character. The Swynes were known throughout the country as " a stingy lot." The town itself abounded with records of their meanness. When a new wing was wanted for the county hospital, Lord Crack- ling gave a donation of five-and-twenty pounds, to io The Radical Member. be paid by yearly instalments of five pounds each. When it was proposed to rebuild the market house on a site appertaining to the Boarshead estate, his lordship, instead of giving the land right out, was generous enough to let the Mayor and Corporation have it cheap. Her ladyship, too, was not above beating down tradesmen ; and every ounce of food or grain that went over to the Park was weighed before it could be taken in. Very little hospitality was kept up at Boarshead ; and those favoured individuals, who were unfortu- nate enough to receive occasional invitations to dinner, made dreadful faces at the claret and sherry. Servants who had left the house wailed piteously over the remembrance of their meagre fare. Special war was waged in their department against the extravagance of new bread or buttered toast ; and a rigid rule was in force for checking the abuse. When the servant of any guest who might be staying in the house took his place among the ladies and gentlemen downstairs, a loaf of household bread and a quarter of a pound of butter was entrusted to his care, with the inti- mation that until both dainties were consumed he might expect no more. The allowance of malt liquor was short, and eleven o'clock luncheon had been put down with a high hand. The discussion in various circles of such eco- nomical arrangements as these could hardly create popularity in a commercial town, and few persons probably would have been induced to support a nominee of Lord Crackling's in recognition of any benefits, direct or indirect, which that nobleman had conferred. How strangely some men love to make themselves unloveable ! Stinginess, like The Radical Member. 1 1 any other vice, is intelligible enough when there is anything to be got by saving; but it is abso- lutely incomprehensible in the case of those who already possess all that this world can give, except the* kind words of their fellow men, which a trifling amount of generosity would buy. Nevertheless, when' Messrs. Skinner and Screw had received intelligence that the borough would shortly be vacant, they looked to Boarshead Park as their only resource. It would never do to let the Conservative candidate walk over the course unopposed, and cheat them out of their agency. It fell to Skinner's lot, therefore, as the senior member of the firm, to wait upon the Hon. Samson Swyne, and ascertain what might be his ideas on the question of coming forward. The Hon. Samson heard the flattering proposal submitted to him, and shook his head. "Ve governor will never stand ve expense," said the Hon. Samson, who had been taught in his child- hood that it was pretty and interesting to pro- nounce ill like / or v, and, now that he was grown up, had not departed from the habit. " Why, Skinner, it would cost a phousand pounds !" "Perhaps it might, from first to last," replied the lawyer ; " though we should not return it at anything like that, you know, or they would be getting up a petition." " Well, I must say, I should like to be in Par- liament," said the Hon. Samson, nibbling ; "but I don't see much chance. After all, ve Dulminster people don't know much about me, or ve governor eiver." " You don't go among them enough, Mr. Swyne, and that's the fact. But bless you, I believe I B2 1 2 The Radical Member. know a way of getting over all that, and making the election as safe as safe can be. You see, Mr. Swyne, there has been a very strong feeling, and a very increasing feeling, in Dulminster of late years against the Church. Now I put it to you, my dear sir do you think you could make it quite convenient to be to be a Dissenter ?" " Be a Dissenter !" echoed the Hon. Samson. "Why you know, my good fellow, I am a member of ve Protestant what d'ye call I mean ve Estab- lishment, as ve law directs same phing as ve bishops belong to, you know." "Just so, Mr. Swyne; and I am sure we all feel that you do honour to the religion you profess, as does your noble father likewise. But depend upon it, my dear sir, Dissent is the thing now-a- days. The Nonconformists have it all their own way. Just see how people give in to them. Half a dozen conscientious Independents won't pay Church rates, so Church rates are abolished, and the church roof falls in. Elder Gubbin, the Mormonite, wants to be buried in the churchyard like a gentleman, so Elder Dubbin makes his way in among the graves, to the scandal of the whole parish, and buries him. Two Baptists, a Uni- tarian, and a Jew, think it rather hard that they should not hold fellowships ; so University tests are done away, and money left by some old bigot or other for the strengthening of the Church is very rightly applied to the propagation of in- fidelity and Dissent. In education, too, your Nonconformist carries everything before him. Who cares whether a Churchman's corns are trodden on ? Who ever dreams of considering the tender conscience of a parson ? But, when a The Radical Member. 1 3 Dissenter tells you that lie has a grievance, all legislation is suspended until it is removed. So I say, sir, there's nothing like Dissent ; and if you could make it convenient, Mr. Swyne I dare say you won't have to make very much alteration, you know why, I am perfectly confident that we should pull you through." " Well," said the Hon. Samson, after a few minutes' contemplation, " Well, vere is somephing in what you say ; hut it is such a low sort of phing. All ve snohs and servant-maids are Dissenters." " Not at all, Mr. Swyne. There, I assure you, you make a great mistake. I could mention several noble lords who are not only Dissenters but ministers. To be sure, I believe they are every one of them Irish peers, and are so poor that for all I know they may get their bread by it. Nevertheless, they are ministers ; and one or two of them, I am credibly informed, preach every Sunday in Shadwell on a tub. I suppose you couldn't preach, my dear sir, could you?" "Why really no, I don't phink I could;" replied the Hon. Samson. "You see I am not sufficiently well acquainted with ve tenets of Christianity." " I don't know whether Christianity has much to do with it," remarked the lawyer ; " but it would be a great point gained if we could advertise a discourse from you, some Sabbath, at one of the Dulminster chapels." " Upon my word, Skinner, I must ask you to excuse me," said the Hon. Samson, modestly. "However, I will talk to ve governor about ve other matter ; and if we can see our way to ve expense, I will let you know." 14 The Radical Member. " Very good, my dear sir ; but it must positively be in the Dissenting interest, you understand. It would not be a bit of good for a Churchman to come forward, even if he were as low as " " No, of course not," returned the Hon. Samson, not observing the compliment so deli- cately implied. "But look here stop and dine, Skinner, won't you ?" But Skinner, who knew the grocer's shop in High-street where Lord Crackling bought his sherry, and who was far too hungry just at that moment to run the risk of dining with a Radical peer, declared that his wife was waiting for him, and made his way home. News travels faist enough anywhere, but no- where so fast as in a dull provincial town ; and first among dull provincial towns, for love of gossip, not to say slander, must be placed the town of Dulminster. First among them all for this reason that in addition to the ordinary means of knowing all about other people's busi- ness, which communities in general may be under- stood to possess, the inhabitants of our ancient city enjoyed this unique and enviable faculty, which placed them far above the vulgar herd of mischief-makers, and gave them peculiar advan- tages in dealing, wholesale and retail, with the reputation of their neighbours they not only knew everything that everybody had ever done, at an incredibly short moment after the commission of the deed, but they knew a vast number of things which nobody ever had done, or were ever likely to do, so long as the majority of decently brought-up men and women continued sane and sober. The power of invention of pure original The Radical Member. 1 5 invention among the Dulminster folk was some- thing truly wonderful. It seems a thousand pities that the idea never occurred to them to amalgamate their forces, and to start a company for the Manufacture of Sensation Novels (Limited). Mr. Wilkie Collins would have heen driven clean out of the field, and Miss Braddon and Mrs. Henry Wood must speedily have retired. Nothing discouraged them. When the scandal market was inactive, and everybody at Dulminster was con- ducting himself with irritating propriety, old ladies, in their vexation at having to hold their tongues, would sit in their bow-windows, and form gratuitous conjectures about the private life and character of passers-by. Young ladies would repeat, with variations and improvements, any little compliments which had been paid to some absent friend at five o'clock tea, setting thereby two entire families at mortal enmity for the space of several weeks. Young gentlemen would tell old gentlemen, quite in confidence, what other old gentlemen had said about them after dinner ; till all the old gentlemen of the city turned out in a state of fury, and shook their withered fists in one another's faces, and muttered impotent threats of mediaeval challenges to mortal combat, and walked away in opposite directions, and then wheeled simultaneously round, and shook their fists and muttered it all over again. " Met Captain Cuttle- fish, last night," observed young Gandell to the parson ; " and what do you think he said ? Said your sermons were so awfully dull that he realty couldn't come to church any more till you put the curate on." By reason of which judicious piece of intelligence it came to pass that Captain 1 6 The Radical Member. Cuttlefish and the parson did not speak for a twelvemonth. Of all the species of news that could possibly be set afloat at Dulminster, none was at all times so universally welcome, none so certain to be greedily snatched up and distributed far and wide, as electioneering news. Nevertheless it is rather an astonishing circumstance, that not four and twenty hours had elapsed since Messrs. Skinner and Screw received their first letter of intimated resignation from the Kadical Member, when the rumour of a fresh election became the common talk of the town. It may be taken for granted that Skinner and Screw were too sharp to betray their own secret ; and nobody else, as far as they knew, was in possession of it. However, the secret cropped out, and was discussed at dinner, in every house of any sort of pretension, on the evening of Mr. Skinner's visit to the Hon. Samson Swyne. Among others who heard it, and who heard it with some degree of pleasure, was the late Con- servative candidate, Sir Richard Goring. Three times he had stood for Dulminster, and three times he had stood in vain ; but he still meant to win, and was ready to stand once more. He was a man who had taken up politics because he believed in them ; and because he believed in them he intended to stick to them. He held fast to Church and State to Church in the first place, and so the religion of his fathers he would cherish as a thing most especially dear ; but next to the creed which his mother Church had taught him he reverenced the principles of government which had made his country great, and abhorred the The Radical Member. 1 7 short-sighted Liberalism which could not look beyond the tangible benefits of to-morrow. "England has risen," said Sir Richard, when once, amid the storm of the last election, he made himself heard " England has risen because, wherever a question of national interest has been involved, Englishmen have put the individual last and the country first. England will fall, with such a fall as other nations have not known, so surely as Englishmen, in their greedy craving after present palpable advantage, put the indi- vidual first and the country last. And all modern Radicalism tends this way. It is not a question of Progress against Stagnation. It is not a question of Education against Ignorance. These are convenient pass-words, but they don't hit the point at issue. The point is, shall we legislate for this great nation or for our little miserable selves ? Shall we fume and fuss and agitate, till all our trumpery rights are granted, and our tremendous importance as units in the aggregate of British civilisation is accorded to our hearts' content ; or shall we sink our petty interests in the welfare of our country, and boast of the honour that she confers on us rather than of the intelli- gence that we bring to her ?" The free and inde- pendent electors, however, would not see the matter from Sir Richard's point of view. Such arguments as his were thrown away upon a class of voters who had been taught to believe that the whole world was leagued together to defraud the working man. They clamoured first for one selfish privilege, and then for another ; and, finally, they sent to Parliament the Radical Member, under a solemn pledge, poor man, that c 1 8 The Radical Member. he would wring for them out of the stony heart of Ministers more boons and benefits than any Government had got to give, and never relax his labour day or night till there was not a man, woman, or child in Dulminster professing Liberal opinions who had a single political or social grievance left. No sooner had the news of an impending elec- tion become general than the utmost excitement prevailed throughout tke town. Bills were posted, addresses put forth, and placards hung in every Radical shop-front, warning enlightened citizens against any compromise with Conservatism, or any coquetting with the tyrants who would grind and oppress the honest working man. Skinner and Screw wrote up to the Radical Member to say that any further delay was useless, and that if he in- tended to resign he had better vacate his seat at once ; the Hon. Samson Swyne consented to come forward in the local Dissenting interest ; and Sir Richard Goring rallied his friends around him, and prepared to fight another desperate battle with a good courage. Things were in this condition when foyo little events occurred, each of which tended materially to complicate the progress of affairs. In the first place, the Radical Member suddenly lost his wife ; and, in the second, the Chancellor of the Exchequer having proposed a tax on shaving paper which article was henceforward to be issued in a par- ticular form by the Inland Revenue Office, bearing a Government stamp, with the motto "Ex barba barbaria" so fierce an agitation was got up by cutlers, paper manufacturers, soap boilers, and others interested in the daily abrasion of the The Radical Member. 19 human beard, that her Majesty's Ministers had no alternative but to go out of office and appeal to the country. Now the Eadical Member had been remarkably fond of his wife ; but now that she was gone, and he could not possibly bring her back again, he saw no reason, being fresh-coloured and pleasant- looking for an elderly man, why he should not procure himself, with all decent expedition, another amiable partner, whose fortune might enable him to pay his debts and retain his seat for Dulminster. There dwelt near the good city which he had the honour to represent a certain Mrs. MacBoosie, a widow lady, who had been left to grapple, single handed, with this world's cares, in circumstances something more than comfortable. The Eadical Member could not help thinking how very agreeable it would be if they two could grapple with the residue of this world's cares together. Slumberfield House was a charming little country place, and the widow could not be worth less than a couple of thousand a year. She was comely to the eye, and a perfect lady in her manners, having only one little weakness, and that by no means of an unpardonable kind. Poor dear Mrs. MacBoosie never could keep awake after dinner ; and indeed she would fall asleep on the shortest possible notice at almost any hour of the day. In church her noddings were painful to behold ; but, as the good old soul had never yet in her dreams committed any positive outrage on the feelings of the congregation, she was permitted to slumber on till a sudden pause in the sermon woke her up, when she would make believe to have been shaking her head all the while on purpose, 2o The Radical Member. and smile placidly upon her neighbours on either side, and doze off as innocently as before. To an intellectual mind like that of the Radical Member, who, no doubt, sought for companionship in a wife, this failing was certainly a drawback ; but it luckily happened that he himself was afflicted with very much the same infirmity ; and if the two could only contrive to take their naps together, conversation need not be suspended between them for any serious length of time. At any rate the Radical Member determined that, when his chief appealed to the country, he himself would appeal to the widow. He had already speculated in every other species of stocks and shares, except the stocks and shares matrimonial ; and, though in his youth he had married for love, there was no reason why in his maturity he should not do a wiser thing. So he sent down to Dulminster a very pretty address, in which, after a touching allusion to his late bereavement, worth fifty votes at least, he signified that he should again seek the suf- rages of his old constituency, and trusted that they would reward his disinterested labours in the past by a renewal of the confidence they had hitherto reposed in him. There still wanted three weeks or so to the election, during which time he would canvass, first, Mrs. MacBoosie, and, secondly, the free and independent electors. As for the Hon. Samson Swyne, his opposition gave very little cause for uneasiness. It was true that he pro- posed to represent the gigantic strength of the Dissenting interest ; but the Radical Member himself could be a Dissenter, if that was all, at a very short notice, supposing that the widow had no strong proclivities the other way ; and, when it The Radical Member. 2 1 came to spending money in the good cause, while Lord Crackling was sighing over his shillings, Mrs. MacBoosie, bless her kind heart, if she took the matter up at all, would not grudge her sove- reigns. Precisely six weeks had elapsed since the Radical Member's domestic affliction, when he was seen to give up his ticket one fine afternoon at the Dulminster railway station, and to step briskly iVito a Red Lion fly. The Red Lion at Dulminster was a comfortable inn, and the buxom hostess always did her best for the Radical Member ; but -~%a. the present occasion, out of consideration pro- uuMy for his recent loss, her solicitude was more than usually tender. The nicest possible little dinner awaited him at half-past six, in the snug- gest little sitting-room which the Red Lion could provide. " Poor thing !" said the kind-hearted landlady, "he'll be very downhearted, poor gentle- man ; so we must try to tempt his appetite, Jane, with something extra relishing;" acting upon which provident instructions, Jane conveyed to the snug little sitting-room some ox-tail soup, a fried sole, a beefsteak as tender as sweetbread, a marrow-bone, and some highly desirable toasted cheese. " I think I could take a pint of brown sherry, Jane," said the disconsolate widower, as he turned round to the fire. " Mrs. Choppin knows the sort I like. And you can bring me a dry biscuit, and something to read." Why the Radical Member wanted something to read, it would be a difficult matter to say, con- sidering that the brown sherry sent him fast asleep, and that the pile of dingy " Keepsakes" 22 The Radical Member. and "Heath's Annuals" which the maiden brought for his amusement lay untouched upon the table. Gentlemen, however, who go to sleep after dinner, invariably make believe that it is the dulness of their book that sets them nodding. The next morning, after a fairly substantial breakfast, the Eadical Member hired the Red Lion fly, and had himself driven to Slumberfield House, determined to settle the business then and there. The widow had always been kind to him, and received him well. She would doubtless excuse his calling so early in the day, and Avithout formal notice of his arrival. It was half-past eleven when the fly deposited the Radical Member at the door, and at one o'clock the fly still awaited his return. Now it so happened that Mrs. MacBoosie, whose hospitality was unbounded, had invited one or two friends that day to luncheon ; and Sir Richard Goring, among others, was to be her guest. Sir Richard was a punctual man, and at one o'clock he drove his dog-cart up to the door. " There is somebody before us, Thompson," said Sir Richard to his man. "lam generally first. I wonder who it is." " Oh, Sir Richard, that's the fly from the Red Lion," replied the servant. " Who's your fare this morning, Bill?" he added, in a confidential tone, to the driver of the vehicle aforesaid. "Whoever he be," answered that ill-used indi- vidual, gruffly, " he've ben and kep me waiting here a hour and a 'alf. Blest if I know what's become of 'im. This 'ere 'oss don't like standing about like this 'ere." "I wonder who it is?" repeated Sir Richard, The Radical Member. 2 3 carelessly. " Anybody with your mistress ?" he asked of the footman who answered the bell. "There was a gentleman with missus, Sir Richard, some time ago, but I think he must have let himself out. At least I don't hear them talk- ing. Perhaps, Sir Richard, you'll walk upstairs ?" Sir Richard walked upstairs accordingly, and on entering the drawing-room started back with aston- ishment, not unmixed with an inclination towards somewhat boisterous laughter, when he beheld, sitting in their respective easy chairs, the Radical Member fast asleep on one side of the fire-place, and Mrs. MacBoosie fast asleep on the other. CHAPTER II. IT would be an unfeeling act, and an unwarrantable breach of confidence besides, to describe in detail the typical words and gestures wherewith the Radi- cal Member laid siege to the widow's heart. That his words were tender and his gestures ardent may readily be conceived. That the youthful lover met with any immediate response in kind is more than doubtful. Ladies and gentlemen of fifty or there- abouts can probably afford to do their love-making after a more business-like fashion than boys and girls in their teens ; and yet it is difficult to realise an offer of marriage at any age, or under any circumstances, in which the parties nominally concerned could be so little interested as to fall asleep in the middle of it. Whether the Radical 24 The Radical Member. Member approached the delicate matter before him in the stereotyped phrase of a three-volume novel, or whether he trusted for inspiration to the eloquent gushings of his own very urgent neces- sities, must remain a mystery ; but in either case it must be confessed, to the shame of widows till widows cease to be, that Mrs. MacDoosie flatly refused him, and then, as unconcernedly as if she had just ordered her dinner, fell asleep. The reader will also, without any great effort of the imagination, picture to himself the delight with which Sir Richard Goring contemplated the exciting character of the interview which he was the means of dissipating, as well as the noble wrath of the Radical Member at being caught napping under circumstances wherein it became so extremely difficult to wake up and look dig- nified. It will also be easily understood that the unfortunate gentleman, who had kept his fly waiting an hour and a half, hurried back to the Red Lion at Dulminster without delay ; that the news of his discomfiture spread speedily through- out the town ; and that, at a tolerably early hour the next morning, a caricature of his comely person might have been seen in half the shop windows and on all the bare walls of the ancient city, suggesting a flippant, not to say unkind, allusion to his late slumbers in the widow's easy chair. This episode, indeed, in his electioneering life became so exceedingly painful to the Radical Member that he would probably have shaken off the dust from his feet against the constituency which had once returned him, and hurried back to London in despair, but for an unforseen turn in The Radical Member. 25 the wheel of Fortune, which brought him good hope of success after all. Mention has been made of a certain Captain Cuttlefish, who was not on speaking terms with the parson. This gallant officer, having seen some service in various parts of the world, had been ordered home at a week's notice, purely on econo- mical grounds ; and had been given to under- stand, while yet in the prime of life, that he was worn out and useless. With characteristic "Liberality," the Government then in office first broke up the captain's ship as fine a vessel as ever floated and sold the materials for what they would fetch ; and then, having disposed of the ship, superannuated the commander thereof. Soon after his retirement, however, the captain had the good luck to inherit a large fortune, on which he and his wife resided very comfortably at Dul- minster. He took no part whatever in politics, being an old-fashioned Tory, and entertaining a thorough disgust at the Radicalism of the times. Nevertheless, he did occasionally busy himself about matters of local interest, and took especial delight in so doing whenever there appeared a chance of making the least little bit of mischief. Captain Cuttlefish was in various ways a great deal too naughty to be on good terms with the parson ; but he had especially annoyed the rev. gentleman during the last few months by a most gratuitous attack upon the quiet tenour of his domestic life. It happened that the Dissenters of Dulminster had agitated for the establishment of a School Board; and that the parson, who ought to have known better, had been weak enough to acquiesce in their proposition. 26 The Radical Member. " Do you mean to say," cried Captain Cuttle- fish in astonishment, " that a respectable clergy- man of the Church of England is going to let himself down by consorting with Jews, Turks, infidels, and heretics, and meeting them on equal terms to discuss schemes for the training of children ? Well, I wonder what next !" " That is not half the worst of it, my dear," said the captain's amiable wife. "Who do you think is going to stand, as well as the parson ?" " Haven't the least notion," replied the captain. " Why, Miss Sniggs, the New Connexion Inde- pendent Baptist minister's sister. Fancy her and the Rector on the same Board !" " Serve him right !" said the Captain ; " and, by the bye, that just gives me an idea. What fun it would be to put the parson's wife up against him !" Mrs. Cuttlefish so vigorously seconded this good-natured proposal, that it was put into execu- tion forthwith, and the Captain set off early on the following day, to suggest his scheme to the parson's wife. " But my husband is going to stand himself!" said the parson's wife, deprecatingly. " Of course he is," rejoined the captain. " That is just the joke of the thing, you see. He stands in the Liberal interest ; you come forward as a Conservative. By Jove, ma'am, it will be such a lark as never was seen." Now, the parson's wife had a keen appreciation of the ludicrous, and was not unmoved by thoughts of personal ambition. She consented therefore to stand, and was returned at the head of the poll by an overwhelming majority, the poor parson himself The Radical Member. 2 7 being the last man elected, and Miss Sniggs, the minister's sister, not being elected at all. All this had taken place some months before the Radical Member's disinterested visit to Slumber- field. Nevertheless, when the Radical Member's dis- interested visit aforesaid became rumoured in Dulrninster, the recollection of his fun with the rector's wife and the School Board did flash across Captain Cuttlefish's mind. And it occurred to him that, by somewhat the same method of pro- cedure, the same result might possibly be attained. By putting up the parson's wife against the parson, he had made the whole election ridiculous, and had cut out Miss Sniggs. Why should he not now, by putting up the Radical Member against the Hon. Samson Swyne, spoil the chance of both, and secure the return of Sir Richard Goring ? The Radical Member was clearly reduced to such straits just now that any proffered assistance would be gratefully received ; and the captain straightway resolved that he would lend him a helping hand not because he cared two straws which party won, but because he had an unmitigated contempt for both the Radical Member and the Hon. Samson Swyne, and knew that Sir Richard Goring, what- ever his politics might be, was at least a gentleman. It will, however, be understood that other per- sons interested in the matter, besides Captain Cuttlefish, had foreseen the fatal consequences of starting two Liberal candidates together. Messrs. Skinner and Screw were a great deal too quick- sighted to permit any such act of folly. How the Radical Member proposed to pay his expenses, 28 The Radical Member. now that the widow had refused him, they could form no idea ; but in this they were quite deter- mined, that either he himself or the Hon. Samson should speedily retire. The senior partner in that most respectable firm sought therefore an interview, first with his old client, whom he declared to be utterly without a chance of success so long as the Hon. Samson was in the field ; and secondly with the Hon. Samson, to whom he held out the smallest possible hopes of securing his seat while the ever-popular Radical Member stood against him. On the more experienced of the two candidates, who probably knew his own business quite as well as Mr. Skinner, he could make no impression what- ever ; but the younger aspirant after Parliamentary renown, though disappointed and stubborn in the first instance, gave in at last, when the lawyer informed him that he must positively address his Dissenting friends and supporters from the pulpit of the New Connexion Independent Baptist Meet- ing House, in Slum-lane. ' ' There is no help for it, Mr. Swyne, I do assure you ; our people fully expect it. We must get the bills out this evening, and have your discourse on Thursday. The whole town will turn out to hear you, and we will have a collection at the doors. Hon. and Rev. Samson Swyne. Let me see, you are not an M.A., my dear Sir, are you ? Ah, well ! that can't be helped. But there is one thing very important ; it is highly desirable that you should appear in a suit of black, and wear a white cravat. Mr. Sniggs will be there to intro- duce you." This was said at the luncheon table ; for Mr. The Radical Member. 29 Skinner, having reached Boarshead Park about the middle of the day, had not been able to escape the infliction of hospitality. " Take some claret, Skinner," said Lord Crack- ling ; " it's a nice light wine, is'nt it?" " Very light," said Skinner. "Ah," said his lordship, observing a look of anguish that passed across the features of his guest, "for my part I confess I like a light wine. But there's a more genei'ous fruity wine some- where about, if you will let me send for it." "Not on any account," said Skinner, who thought that one dose of medicine was enough at a time. " But to return to business, Mr. Swyne. You will preach for us, won't you ?" This, however, was too much for the champion of the Dissenting interests. The ordeal prepared for him was such as he should certainly never survive ; and Skinner returned to Dulrninster that afternoon with instructions to put out a bill, an- nouncing that the result of the Hon. Samson's canvass was not sufficiently encouraging to justify his going to the poll. Having transacted this little piece of business to his satisfaction, the electioneering agent pro- ceeded to transact another. He called again upon the Radical Member, tendered his services on the usual terms, and persuaded him to throw over- board young Gandell, a rising lawyer in the town, whom he had promised to employ, and to avail himself of the more business-like habits and considerably sharper practice of his old friends Skinner and Screw. To this high-minded propo- sition the Radical Member, being troubled neither with delicate feelings nor a sensitive conscience, 30 The Radical Member. was pleased to assent ; though it may he fairly surmised that, hefore the bargain was concluded, Mr. Skinner had made himself tolerably well satisfied that funds would he forthcoming to defray the costs of the Radical Member's return. With the exception only of trials by jury, there is no scene of English life which has been so frequently described as a contested election ; and the reader will doubtless feel gratified at being spared the infliction of a topic upon which it is not possible to say anything new. The most that will now be attempted is to give short extracts from one or two speeches on the day of nomina- tion, and to announce the final result at the close of the poll. The Rev. Mr. Sniggs, the New Connexion Inde- pendent Baptist Minister, proposed in a forcible and idiomatic speech the return of the Radical Member. The honourable gentleman was too well known in Dulminster to require any recommenda- tion from him. While busy with schemes for the regeneration of this mighty nation, he had never forgotten the local interests of the borough ; in proof of which friendly disposition he would remind them that, only a few months ago, he (the Radical Member) had carried a bill through Parliament for the suppression of no less than six alms-houses in the city, because by the terms of their endow- ment a certain sum was charged annually for their support upon the ratepayers of the town. (Hear, hear.) In the teeth of a malignant Conservative opposition, this great measure, which he was proud to call the Dulminster Charity Abolition Bill, had become law; and the Protestant in- habitants of a free and enlightened locality were The Radical Member. 3 1 thus relieved from an intolerable burden imposed upon them in mediaeval times, in times of dark- ness, in times of ignorance, in times of slavery and superstition, in times of priestcraft and Popish tyranny. (Loud cheers.) He would say no more. He had already detained them too long. (No, no !) He begged to move that their late respected Member be again returned. (Renewed and con- tinued cheering.) The motion was seconded by Bumps, the pawn- broker ; and, Sir Richard Goring having been duly proposed, the Radical Member proceeded to address his friends. It was, he said, the proudest moment of his life the proudest, next to that other moment on the morrow, when the Liberal electors of that most Liberal borough would conduct him in triumph to the hustings, and declare him duly elected as their honoured repre- sentative. He came before them, not as an untried man, but as a man who had served them long had served them, watching for their good, and striving to secure for them those blessed privi- leges which were the undeniable right of every free-born Englishman. Need he say that he alluded to three rights in particular universal suffrage, vote by ballot, and unsectarian educa- tion ? The first great boon would soon be theirs the last two were practically theirs already. The great Liberal leader of the people (tumults of mingled cheers and hisses) had given ample proof that he would not swerve from his career of head- long progress till he had thoroughly vindicated the people's claims. Let them consider what he had done even now. During a short period of office he had disestablished the Irish Church, 32 The Radical Member. abolished purchase in the army, done away with University Tests, and overthrown the system of open, straightfgrward voting. Had any other Minister ever done so much? Why, he had destroyed " Yes," observed a working man in the crowd, " it be easy enough to destroy. He've done that fast enough. Will yer please tell me anything that he has ever built up again ?" " He has built up," continued the Radical Member, quoting from a leading article in some democratic journal of the day; "he has built up a glorious superstructure of unfettered intelli- gence upon the crumbling ruins of bondage and despotism." " All wery fine," said the working man, " but I don't know as we wos so badly off before he come. And what good he've a done us with all his abolishings and disestablishing, goodness only knows." " He has taught you, my friend, to march onward and soar upward he has " "But I be very happy and contented where I am," replied the working man. "Why should I be shoved forward if I don't want to go ? Now I tell you what it is, Mister. I don't believe in your marchings onward and soarings upward. It's all cant and twaddle. You don't care one farthing for the working man. You don't mind whether he sinks or swims ; no more don't the ' Leader of the People.' But you wants to get into Parliament, and he wants to keep in office. And both you and he knows very well that the way to come over a poor ignorant man is to palaver him, and make him believe that this earth ain't The Radical Member. 33 good enough for the likes of him to walk on. So you goes all over the country preaching dis- content, and stirring up rebellion, and talking to simple-minded chaps about their rights, and pro- mising a deal more than you have got to give ; and then you call yourselves the friends of the working man ! Why, what have you ever done for the working man ? Did you ever give him a shilling, unless you wanted to buy his vote ? No, nor never will. You be 'liberal' enough with other people's things. You gives away Church- men's funds to Dissenters, just to make yourselves popular. You alienates, and confiscates, and makes precious free with other folk's property but when was you ever known to be liberal with anything that is your own ? That's what I want to know." Of course, this plain-spoken and highly objec- tionable speech was not listened to without much interruption ; but the unlettered orator had his say notwithstanding. And so unanswerable were his homely arguments that the Radical Member blushed and looked extremely foolish, and forgot altogether the peroration of his own speech, and gave place to his opponent, Sir luchard Goring, fully half an hour before he had intended to subside. The Conservative candidate lost no time in fol- lowing up the advantage which his cause had gained. He could not boast, he said, of any special favours which he meant to procure for those whose suffrages he asked. He did not pre- tend, like his opponent, to be the friend of the working man, or the guardian of local interests, or the champion of the people's rights. He could 34 The Radical Member. call himself by no such fair spoken names, and hang out no such specious mottoes to catch the popular eye. But he came forward as the friend of every man who was content to do his duty in the state of life to which he had been called ; he would guard, not isolated interests here and there, but all interests that were worth preserving ; and stand forward to protect the rights, not of a mere section of the Commonwealth, but of the nation at large. " It is the mischievous cant of the day," said Sir Richard, " to talk about ' the people' as if they were a distinct caste, oppressed by innumerable wrongs, at mortal enmity with their rulers, and separated by a chasm of smouldering jealousies and ill-suppressed hatred from those who seem to be better off than themselves. There is no such separa- tion ; no such chasm ; no such enmity between class and class ; and there never will be until the stirrers up of ill-feeling and sedition have set brother against brother, and dragged their country into a civil war. The people's rights are the tradesman's rights, and the gentleman's rights, and the nobleman's rights, and the Queen's rights. The welfare, the advancement in whatever line a man's ambition may take, the very life and exist- ence, of one class, is absolutely bound up in the life and existence of all the rest. And so I won't be false enough to tell you that if you send me to Parliament I will agitate till every one of you has got every paltry privilege which he thinks, in his discontented moments, he ought to enjoy. I won't be foolish enough to upset the whole framework of your social life, and try to put every man among you in another man's place. I won't be wicked enough to assent to that most monstrous doctrine The Radical Member. 35 of modern rationalism, the Supremacy of numbers, when I know very well, and you know, too, that history, and common sense, and every other guide which a reasonable man may be supposed to take condemn any such doctrine utterly when I know, and you know, that not one community upon this earth, from the family circle to the mightiest empire, can flourish for a single hour, which has not accepted as its first principle the inevitable law that the few shall govern and the many shall obey. This is the principle of Conservatism ; and to support this principle I ask for your votes to- morrow. I could ask you, if I pleased, in language better calculated to gain my end. I could flatter you, and fawn upon you, and tell you how hardly you are used. This is the sort of language that you have been accustomed to hear ; and you have been weak enough to believe in it. Why, my honest, simple friends ! haven't you got the wit to see that men who talk to you like that are making fools of you ? Are you so blind, so silly, so un-English in your want of penetration, as to think a man your friend because his words are smooth ? What have your Radical leaders ever done to make you happier, or more prosperous, or better able to bear your daily burdens ? Can you tell me one substantial benefit by which they have earned your gratitude ?" " State eddication !" cried out old Maltby, the brewer; "you Tories would never have given us a School board such as we have got now." "Probably not," replied Sir Richard; "but what was the matter with your schools before ? Was not the National Church educating the children of every parish, and teaching them to fear God and honour the king ? Bless my heart ! 36 The Radical Member. why, to hear you good people talk, one would suppose that the present Government had invented printing, discovered half the sciences, and taught the first benighted Briton to read his alphabet. Education, indeed ! Education has been going on these forty years ; but it has been going on too quietly to be let alone. The little ones were cared for well enough, and the Church was gaining ground. But there was no political capital being made out of it ; don't you see that, Mr. Maltby ? So it was necessary that a mighty fuss should be made, and that the Government should interfere, and that children should be so taught as in no way to offend the tender conscience of any Dis- senting parent. In this way two nice little points of Radical statesmanship were gained ; a secular rationalistic training was ensured for the rising generation, the Republicans of a future age ; and a sop was thrown to the Nonconformists, whose alliance was too valuable not to be secured." " How about the Ballot ?" asked a hard-featured gentleman in the crowd. " I call that a substantial benefit, anyhow." " So do I," said Sir Richard, "very substantial indeed. That is to say, whereas now you can take money from one party only, and are bound to give your vote in return, when you get the ballot you can take money from two parties at once, and then vote for neither of them." " Well, they have thrown open fellowships, and allowed us to take university degrees," said a Baptist preacher, who looked extremely unlikely to obtain either the one distinction or the other. " And what right have you to a fellowship, when you won't comply with the conditions on which The Radical Member. 37 fellowships were founded ? What business have you to expect a degree, when you won't qualify for it ?" "Because Oxford and Cambridge Colleges be national institutions, and should be open to all the nation," said the Baptist, triumphantly. " They are something more than national," said Sir Richard, "they are universal ; and their emo- luments are open to all, without distinction, of every nation under heaven, who choose to comply with certain conditions. These conditions happen to be subscription to the doctrines of the English Church ; and if a man won't subscribe to these doctrines he may be a better and a cleverer man, if you please, than the two Universities can pro- duce between them, but he has no more right to a degree or a fellowship than Mr. Smith has to appropriate a legacy which was specially be- queathed to Mr. Jones. You might as well get up a sentimental grievance because you can't go to the opera without a ticket, or be received in decent society without a decent suit of clothes. There is not a privilege under the sun which has not got its own conditions attached to it, and no right-principled man can wish to gain ever so coveted an honour without bringing the price in his hand. But I am sorry to say that the policy now being pursued by Ministers is the exact reverse of a right-principled policy is a dishonest policy from beginning to end. (Groans and hisses.) Ah, and it is something more than this ; but just now I will only say that it is a dishonest policy, and an unfair policy. Of course there must always be parties in politics no less than in religion. It would never do for all of us to be Tories. The 38 The Radical Member. very safeguard of our national stability and our national progress is that, whichever party is in power, there is always a good strong opposition to keep it in check, and no good Conservative could wish it otherwise. Such a state of things must he for the public benefit must preserve the balance between conflicting interests, and do justice to all questions of national or international welfare, so long as both sides fight fair. Till now, both sides have done so. The present Ministry are the first that have thought it not beneath their dignity to take mean advantages, and resort to unworthy schemes. Knowing that the poor, nume- rically speaking, can swamp the rich, they first stir up the poor man to agitate for a vote, and then secure that vote for themselves by pandering to all the poor man's fractious cravings. To make the Irish Roman Catholic peasant believe that they are his friends, they abolish the Church to which he does not happen to belong. To flatter the private soldier with futile hopes that some day he may rise to be an ensign, they disgust the entire body of British officers by abo- lishing purchase in the army. And when, by disestablishing and disendowing, and squandering away emoluments, and making believe to study economy for the benefit of the working man, they have run the country into debt, they impose an iniquitous income-tax which the working man has not got to pay. Of course they are popular. It would be very strange if they were otherwise. It is an easy road to popularity when you scatter sugar-plums to the children as you pass along. Give me the man who can win the children's love without the sugar-plums. So, I say, that with all The Radical Member. 39 this machinery of bribing, and truckling to the fancies of the multitude, your modern Radical Government does not fight fair. I say that theirs is a dishonest policy ; and, what is more, that it is a cowardly policy. It is a cowardly thing to sacrifice those whose good feeling will not let them resist, to those of whose undisciplined passions a weak Ministry is afraid. It is a cowardly thing to insult the gentleman and bully the clergyman, who can only sit still and bear it with patience, and then to fawn upon the navvy, for fear that if you don't give him what he wants he will take it without asking. It is a cowardly thing to ride roughshod over founders' wills, and violate the memories of the silent dead, for the sake of pacifying the noisy, turbulent living. It is a cowardly thing that in every town and village this unrighteous scheme of secular education should give the Dissenting minister a triumph over the parson, and make the parson an object of contempt in his own school, because it is safe to annoy the clergyman, and isn't safe to annoy the Dissenters. This is why I oppose modern Radi- calism because it is mean and cowardly ; and, if you are the Englishmen I take you to be, you will oppose it too. And I have one word of warning to offer you. Anybody possessed of ordinary common sense may see whither it is that modern Radicalism tends. It is all very well to court popularity by petting and befooling the working man ; but when the spoilt child of Liberalism and progress has grown so masterful that he cannot be controlled, and the Radical has become a Republican, and the Republican a Communist, what will you say about your friend, the Leader LIBKARY 40 The Radical Member. of the People, then ? You know pretty well what happens to any nation, however great and pros- perous, when anarchy and rebellion have plunged it into a state of revolution. And now I want you to look at the other side of the hustings, and contemplate the case of the hon. gentleman, your late member. I say contemplate him, because he is by no means an unfair specimen of the style of men who seek, and manage to win, the suffrages of a Radical constituency. We won't go into personalities (laughter) but when you think of him and his political career, and his mysterious canvass among you during the last few weeks (renewed laughter) and when you turn to Boarshead Park, and picture to yourselves the Hon. Samson Swyne turning Dissenter to obtain your votes, and only dissuaded from going to the poll by the threat of having to preach in the Methodist Meeting House in Slum-lane ; with these little episodes of electioneering life before you, I can hardly believe that you will feel so well disposed towards the Radical Member as to send him to represent your interests in Parliament again." Sir Richard was justified in his prediction. The good folk of Dulminster for once returned a Con- servative candidate ; and the Radical Member was Radical Member no more. Bennett, Printer, Journal Office, Salisbury.