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 PLEASANTRIES, 
 
 IN 
 
 BMYM1 AM2D IHfteSli* 
 
 BY 
 
 GEORGE BREWER, 
 
 Author of Hours of Leisure, fyc* &?€.
 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 
 /^3^
 
 PLEASANTRIES, 
 
 IX 
 
 ODES TO FLATTERY, § ALE WORKS AND NO WORKS, 
 
 POVERTY, § THE DEBTOR AND CREDITOR) 
 
 A VISIT FROM INDUSTRY, : THE DRAGON DAME AND THE 
 
 ODE TO MY PARROT, $ HAMMER DAME, 
 
 THE APOTHECARY AND HIS § EPISTLE FROM ESCULAPIUS, 
 
 OUT-RIDER, § THE DERBIAD, ScC. SiC. 
 
 BY 
 
 GEORGE BREWER, 
 
 Author of Hours of Leisure, cSr- cSy. 
 
 DEDICATED BY PERMISSION TO JOHN HIRST, ESQ. 
 
 Of Winch more Hill, Southgate, Middlesex. 
 " LITE TRIFLING INCIDENTS AND GRACE MY SONG 
 
 Derb|) : 
 
 PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR, BY G. WILKIN'S, 
 
 QUE EN STREET. 
 
 Sold also by Longman, Hurst, Reus, Ornie, and Brown, London 3 
 
 and all other Booksellers in Town and Country. 
 
 1S19.
 
 TO 
 
 JOHN HIRST, Esq, 
 
 DEAR SIR, 
 
 Those avIio know you, and did 
 know your late, highly esteemed, father, will 
 not wonder that there should be private 
 gratitude, that might produee public testi- 
 mony of respect, and having myself, served 
 my King, it cannot be matter of surprise 
 that I desire to present my Work, to one 
 who has also served, and more, commanded 
 a troop in one of the most highly disting- 
 uished regiments in that service, the Royal 
 Horse Guards, Mine. 
 
 Believe me, Dear Sir, that I shall 
 always consider it an honor, and pleasure 
 to have any opportunity of subscribing 
 myself with sincere regard, 
 
 Your most 
 Devoted humble servant, 
 
 GEO. BREWER. 
 
 Lirias Cottage, Derby, } 
 Mai/ VU/i, IBID. ' )
 
 P R E FACE. 
 
 I do not know what may be expected from these said 
 Pleasantries of mine, but I know that my friends, and 
 subscribers must be very pleasant, and good tempered people 
 for waiting the event so patiently. 1 think that I have given 
 expectation a fair opportunity. 1 hope however most sin- 
 cerely that these few Vagaries, may afford my subscribers 
 some amusement in return for their kindness, and politeness, 
 my excuse for the delay of publication is an honest one, and 
 complimental to them. 1 cannot write when 1 please, and 
 could not bring myself to consent to give them what I should 
 myself call rubbish: my Verses such as they are, are my own. 
 I could easily have packed up a few common place rhymes to 
 have answer'd the purpose of making a book, nor should I 
 have much cared for what the Messrs Simpkins, Tompkins, 
 or Hopkins of Society might have thought of the matter. I 
 do not suffer these dull homines lit only to perpetuate the 
 race of blockheads in the world, to 
 
 " Dizzy my Arithmetic." 
 Species who remind me of the excellent judgment in phisiog 
 nomy of my friend Shakspeare, 
 
 " Whence got you that goose look?" 
 I am now perhaps one of the most independent men living, 
 uot from having so much, but from wanting so little. The
 
 VI. PREFACE. 
 
 Italian proverb, that, " Poverty makes strange bed fellows," 
 does not apply in my case. 1 will never sacrifice to fools, 
 no nor write verses in public houses for " cheerful ale." I 
 shall still wrap my old cloak about me, and pass the vulgar, 
 
 " The little vulgar, and the great." 
 But then I have an infinite respect for exceptions, for the 
 egregious of Society. Would that I knew of a spot where 
 the blockheads might constitute the exceptions, there indeed 
 an author might "fare sumptuously every day." How unhappy 
 is the lot of him, who is in a region where 
 
 M Grave and formal pass for wise."' 
 
 I recollect a pleasant fellow, who threatened that he would 
 advertise for an entire new set of friends, and acquaintance, 
 the old being neither useful, nor ornamental ; that a man 
 comes to be so shuffled, and sorted in tiie world, is often a 
 mauvaise plaisanieric of Madam Fortune. 
 
 I amuse myself sometimes in my own room, whore, save, 
 and except some twinges of conscience for past offences 
 against happiness, and prosperity, 
 
 " For madness ruled the hour;" 
 my mind is to me a kingdom, with some pleasantries of the 
 imagination on the subject of my subscribers taking this un- 
 said Work into their hands. i fancy that I hear sonic 
 grave Gentleman, say \eiy gravity to another, ;s a salvo to 
 his own Judgment, " Why Sir, I merely subscribed to serve 
 the poor creature, probabls I shall never look at his book," 
 to which the other replies as gravely, " it was just so with
 
 PREFACE. Vll. 
 
 hie Sir." Now all this ungracious reservation is the result 
 of the want of pride. Few in the world with all their pride, 
 are proud enough to say, unless bolster'd up by the opinion 
 of a " thousand barren spectators." Hike this Work: how do 
 I honor the man who wills it, to judge for himself; nor do 
 the words published by subscription necessarily imply that 
 the Author is a poor Poet, though it most certainly does im- 
 ply that the Pott is poor. It is not pretended that these 
 rhymes are of the modern high standard and measure, I am 
 not one of those of whom Pope said, 
 
 " But most by numbers, judge a Poet's song 1 , 
 And smooth, or rough with them is right or wrong; 
 In the bright muse though thousand charms conspire, 
 Her voice is all these tuneful fools admire; 
 Who haunt Parnassus, but to please their ear, 
 Not mend their minds as some to church repair; 
 Not for the doctrine, but the music there, 
 'these equal syllables alone require." 
 
 It is possible that a man may write Pleasantries under very 
 
 unpleasant circumstances, satire rises in the imagination to 
 
 relieve as it were the sufferings it endures, and a contempt 
 
 for the motley people, and motley things of the world, creates 
 
 an efferverscence that neutralises, 
 
 " For though oppression's of great use," 
 
 Vet satire has a spring, 
 That starts up to resist abuse, 
 " With formidable sting." 
 
 I hope however, that the pages of this volume that may be 
 
 considered satirical, will be found without gall. Without
 
 Mil. PREFACE. 
 
 malice, I would have my satire to be of the description, if 
 possible so to administer the dose. " That cures because the 
 remedy is loved." 
 
 " But should proud folly domineer, 
 
 Disturb its paradise; 
 Be to severity, severe, 
 
 Inveterate to vice." 
 
 It is glorious to make war against the false pretenders to 
 sanctity, learning, taste, or manners, there indeed I am 
 pleased to 
 
 '• Flutter your volseians." 
 
 1 shall not be very severe against my townsmen, for merely 
 having been born in a particular place, because I do not like 
 to quarrel with a man for his misfortunes. 
 
 T declare all to have been written in pleasantry, I am 
 
 invested in my motley and " They that are most galled with 
 
 my folly, they most must laugh." 
 
 " When caps among the crowd are thrown, 
 Take that which fits you for your own." 
 
 ^^
 
 5) 
 
 £)&e to 5F latter?* 
 
 Madam Flattery, polite, and charming 
 Thy doses, exhilerant, and warming 
 
 Who dare thy name traduce 
 Or with grave, formal, impudence pretend 
 That they esteem sincerity a friend 
 
 And load thee with abuse. 
 
 Now, these folks fib, sincerity all hale 
 
 From the low shed, to canopies oi slate 
 
 All like sugar, honey, 
 
 Self dubb'd saints bear praise not by compulsion 
 
 Huge draughts they love of that sweet emulsion 
 
 But then next to money, 
 n
 
 10 
 
 I'll be frank, fate grant but this petition 
 Deprive me not of dear imposition 
 
 Nor see me ill treated 
 By ugly, scarecrow truths, so blunt, and plain 
 That busy conscience echoes them again 
 
 Bather, I'd be cheated. 
 
 By dear delusions of affection 
 Friendship patronage — protection, 
 
 Love! pray who'd repel it? 
 A fine rich, sugar sweet collection 
 Paris, or London's the direction 
 
 Where they buy, and sell it. 
 
 Where none are ugly, silly, ill, nor old 
 Where tell tale vulgar truths are never told 
 
 That would shew ill breeding 
 Where thou sweet syren goddess art supreme 
 Where all thy votaries, always dream 
 
 Dreams of bliss exceeding.
 
 11 
 
 Pray ? who from such phantasies would awake 
 Like little children with the belly ache 
 
 To fret, and to be sore 
 When the old fav'rite recipe again 
 In somewhat larger dose would ease the pain 
 
 //' taken as before. 
 
 Thou south aspect of life's wintry hour 
 Nurs'ry bed, or gentle summers shower 
 
 Or lump of sugar sweet 
 That as they say in Middy's mess at sea, 
 Softens so well, the hardship of the tea 
 
 The simile's compleat. 
 
 8 
 
 Save me from honesty, vile optician 
 That prys so much into our condition 
 
 With frightful microscope 
 Save me from nodders, shruggers, winkers 
 Give me thy best, charming, patent blinkers 
 And drive me on with hope.
 
 12 
 
 9 
 
 Give me some sweetly sugar'd, soothing drop 
 Or some such rich, intoxicating sop 
 
 As would charm a dragon 
 You'll find in me no silly, sulky clown 
 Thy largest dose, in truth, I'd swallow down 
 
 Though it were a tlaggon. 
 
 10 
 
 Thou soft warm water trickling down one's back 
 Thou luscious draught <>f malmsey or of sack 
 
 Or whisky punch of Fat, 
 Or Martinique noyau, or rich liqueur 
 Or cordial call'd in France, parfait amour 
 
 Ilou take me, verbum sat. 
 
 11 
 
 How delightful when some tongue rehearses 
 Really ! you write such clever verses 
 
 Let them this flatt'ry call 
 Why Sir, it matters not to me a rush 
 No! — lay it on with large, thick, pound brush 
 
 A Foot can take all.
 
 13 
 
 Dfte to ^ctoettp* 
 
 i 
 
 How many folks complain of thee 
 My old acquaintance, Poverty 
 
 As though thou wer't a curse 
 When by experience 1 know 
 Thou dost advantages bestow 
 
 Far above any purse. 
 
 I'll take thy part faithful beldam 
 Greater folks see me but seldom 
 
 Thou art sure to hug me, 
 What though thy manners be but plain 
 Thou wilt try much to entertain, 
 Nor to follies lug me.
 
 14 
 
 3 
 
 Let sordid minds then riches share 
 
 Since with them they must have their care 
 
 The racking pains of wealth 
 To their vain ambitions leave them 
 Of thy choicest gifts bereave them 
 
 Safety, sound sleep, and health 
 
 Leave them that curse, satiety 
 With its ill cure, variety. 
 
 With crowded rooms of spies 
 Leave them the complimental lie 
 That imposition, company, 
 
 Their eating enemies. 
 
 Now, thou old dame hast got a mind 
 And to a Poet is most kind 
 
 Although somewhat ugly 
 Thou prov'st neglect from Pomp, or state 
 True independence can create 
 
 Thou liv'st eery snugly.
 
 15 
 
 6 
 
 A Poet has small chance for wine 
 Nor by the groat is ask'd to dine 
 
 While he's bethroth'd to thee 
 Unless Duke Humphrey send his card 
 As ho has done to many a bard 
 
 And oft has done to me. 
 
 'Tis said though somewhat out of place 
 That to be poor is no disgrace 
 
 Why make it so then wealth? 
 Pshaw!! come old scarecrow poverty 
 In aqua pure, hob nob with me 
 
 And truly drink my health. 
 
 8 
 
 Groat physician in dyspepsia 
 FamM in case apoplexia 
 
 Making cool and quiet, 
 What can keep th' imagination 
 And ev'ry thing in proper station 
 
 Like poor, scanty, diet,
 
 16 
 
 In thy praise too, I would mention 
 Thy wondrous talent at invention 
 
 Why ! 'tis prodigious 
 And what is more, there's in thy case 
 So much of works as well as grace 
 
 Thou'rt indeed religious. 
 
 10 
 
 Thou need'st not fear, thy rival here 
 Nor any one to domineer. 
 
 Fortune will not own me 
 And the plain, honest truth to tell 
 It might have been for me as well 
 
 Had she never known me. 
 
 11 
 
 The vulgar rich will not intrude 
 Beside, that they would think it rude 
 
 With {heai thou'st no graces 
 Thy squalid looks would give them pain 
 From all such visits they refrain 
 
 Nor shew their fat faces.
 
 17 
 
 12 
 
 Nor fear not dame, ill-natur'd sallies 
 From that busy gossip, malice 
 
 None will dispute tin charms 
 With one consent they'll all agree 
 To leave me, Lady Poverty, 
 
 To linger in thy arms. 
 
 13 
 
 Yet in this world it may he wise 
 That wo may thy privations, prize 
 
 The heart that lain would mend 
 Will soon thy real value know 
 Discover wealth to he a foe 
 
 And poverty, a friend. 
 
 4^*^
 
 IB 
 
 £ tnstt from SJn&ustrp. 
 
 0\r afternoon, I think it was on new year's day 
 Talking to Madam Fortune in my musing way 
 I said , u what shall I do for cash ?" jogging my knee 
 As many other folks do, in such jeopardy 
 'Tis very true Madam that I sit down and fret, 
 But then pray do you not know, that I am in debt 
 While speaking these words, 1 heard a loud single 
 
 tap 
 At my chamber door, or rather a sort of rap 
 Now it is usual with folks in debt, to beware 
 Of Bailiffs, so with a pause. I cried — who's there ? 
 1 am said a Lady who pop't into the room 
 Drcss'd in a silk gown, that look'd just fresh from 
 
 the loom 
 But without finery, or frippery, or lace 
 With very coarse hands, and a plain hard 
 
 featur'd face
 
 19 
 
 But sure never was woman so clean and so neat 
 And all of a piece too, from the head 10 the feet. 
 " 1 am Sir,"— with a very low curtesy, said she 
 I'm a stranger to you Mir, — my name's Industry 
 "Industry! oh! aye, — I remember good woman 
 You're not a Hue Lady, you're one of the common 
 'Twas Dame Fortune I wish'd to pay me a visit 
 But how came you here — pray madam how is it? 
 I must beg youll be seated? I'm but a bad hand 
 At the pride that would make wearied Industry 
 
 stand, 
 Excuse me cried the Lady, i know well my place 
 I have only just stept in, having heard of your case 
 If you will accept of my advice, 1 know Sir a way 
 By which you will get money, Sir, day after day 
 For the Lady you mention, Dame Fort line. she's shy 
 And unless that I bring her, Sir, seldom goes uigh 
 Those who would court her — though by chance 
 
 now and then 
 Being blind, It is certain that she visits some men 
 Who are worthless, or knaves, or blockheads, 
 
 or fools, 
 But when she (inds her mistake, she makes them 
 
 her tools
 
 20 
 
 To serve her in folly, and in error, and vice, 
 For my friend Madam Fortune is not over nice, 
 Even when from myself, she has introduction 
 She often deceives by her wiles of corruption 
 " For dame Fortune said I, I own prediction" 
 'Tis true in bank notes she's a dealer in fiction; 
 But when fiction succeeds, it is sure much the same 
 For why, fiction is truth while consent gives the 
 
 name 
 A brood 1 much want of her dear piecawinies 
 What the folks in the City, nominate guineas 
 Now a nest might by good chance fall into my lap 
 By a death, or the lott'ry, or some such like hap, 
 But Madam, you are a Lady, I've no wish to know 
 Your way to get money, is so plaguely slow, 
 (i Not so slow as you think, if for once you'll 
 
 begin 
 Try to gain a reward— the reward will come in 
 You may trust to my word on any occasion 
 You'll find nor deception, norrisk, nor evasion." 
 My dear Lady said I, to be candid and brief 
 Mine is a case that wants immediate relief, 
 Now it is not in your way to give speedy cure 
 Though I'll readily grant that your practice is sure,
 
 21 
 
 Pray Sir, " said the Lady, forsake your sedative 
 And just try for a month, my sure alterative 
 Of indolence 'tis both the plague, and the curse 
 That your case, and your fortune prove ev'ry day 
 
 worse ; 
 To observe with what vigour prosperity grows 
 Is a blessing that only true Industry knows, 
 But my rule, by the bye, you'll not easily guess" 
 IVo, Madam, what is it ? "get more, and spend less" 
 i( Very well Madam" — now then your second rule 
 
 pray ? 
 It is as good as the first I'll venture to say" 
 " Sistei 'Vudence and I then together," said she. 
 For you know that she mostly accompanies me, 
 Give you this lesson — to be able to gain 
 First learn how to increase, and then how to 
 
 refrain 
 For what you would like, don't wish idly, and pout 
 It were better to see what you can do without 
 For all (hat is reasonable, I can provide, 
 You will find me a friend, in whom to confide 
 With these words I got up to go out of the room, 
 • My sofa J leave for Madam your loom?*
 
 22 
 
 Xo mp parrot. 
 
 ^ 
 
 Poll, accept a dedication 
 Best of Follies in the nation 
 
 With eye considerate 
 Aye, most faithful too, and loving 
 To thy friendless master proving 
 
 Kind, affectionate. 
 
 For thirty years close at my side 
 Hast thou thine arts of pleasing tried 
 
 Yes, and politely too : 
 How often when lain down my head 
 Thou'st sweetly caliM me from my bed 
 
 With " How do you do? 
 
 * The bird is dead, on which these lines were written.
 
 •23 
 
 Well, may's! thou listen (o my verse 
 While these my stanzas I rehearse 
 
 We are well together, 
 For Polly 'tis both sad and true 
 That thou art like thy master too 
 
 Somewhat out of feather. 
 
 Once in gay plumage thou didst shine 
 Nor faded, can the blame be thine, 
 
 It is but time and fate 
 For Polly will not deign assume 
 Nor stoop to wear one borrowed plume 
 
 Meanly, to decorate. 
 
 Thus with no friend nor patron nigh 
 To whom a Poet might apply 
 
 Poll, I have pickM out thee 
 Tor often hast thou cheer d the dav 
 And sweetly pratiled time away 
 
 With harmless pleasantry. 
 
 Thy manners have been never rude 
 Thy language ever chaste, and good 
 Tis true a little stock.
 
 24 
 
 What if thou mak'st a small mistake 
 Which many greater scholars- make 
 « What's a clock." 
 
 Or if thyself thou dost amuse 
 With tlatt'ry that's of little use 
 
 Of thy form and feature 
 Though truly 'tis not very meet 
 So thine own praises to repeat 
 
 " Polly, pretty creature.'' 
 
 Thou tak'st a lesson but from man 
 Himself, he flatters while he can 
 
 Aye, with care unceasing 
 Through all life's wintry stormy days 
 His sunshine is a little praise 
 
 Ever, and ever pleasing.
 
 25 
 
 THE 
 
 #potf)ecarp anD i)is DutmDer* 
 
 One day appear'd in Duflfiekl road 
 A figure drear and grim 
 
 It Mas y'cleped, Ollapod 
 The boys all cried, 'tis him, 
 
 2 
 
 Mounted upon a mare 'twas seen 
 
 All carved was its wig, 
 And but that it was very mean 
 
 It would have look'd quite big. 
 
 D
 
 26 
 
 It happened that a tir'd clown 
 Tramping along that way 
 
 Knowing this Galen of the town 
 To catch him made essay. 
 
 No sooner did this clown espy 
 
 Sage Apothecary, 
 Than's pedestrian energy 
 
 Began much to vary. 
 
 5 
 
 He saw the Doctor mounted well, 
 And ponder'd in his mind 
 
 It is the Doctor, who can tell 
 But I may ride behind. 
 
 6 
 
 The clown not long his suit deferrM 
 But did the Doctor greet, 
 
 For sorely were his motives stirr'd 
 B' impressions on his feet.
 
 27 
 
 The Doctor only twitch'd his neck 
 
 As wont, on occasion 
 Of humble, empty rhetorick 
 
 Moneyless persuasion. 
 
 Unmov'd at frightful, ugly frown 
 And looks of funny pride, 
 
 Still persevering kept the clown 
 Close at the horse's side. 
 
 Gfalen pursued a devious way 
 
 Cautious aberration, 
 " Doctor ! — why Doctor ! — stay, 
 
 Wife needs consultation." 
 
 10 
 
 At this the Doctor in a trice 
 
 Reigird back his prancing steed, 
 
 Such words would any time suffice 
 To check a Doctor's speed.
 
 2tt 
 11 
 
 Consult, it was alone he heard 
 
 Which fancy made a fee 
 More readily than any word 
 
 Is trac'd to pedigree. 
 
 12 
 
 " Well, well, my friend, what do you say? 
 
 Eh, what ! your wife is ill, 
 What is it man that ails her, eh? 
 
 I'll order her a pill." 
 
 13 
 
 " Hold, I'll tell you ahout it," 
 " Well — come — do then — quick," 
 
 £i You'll do good, I don't doubt it 
 For she be mainly sick," 
 
 11 
 
 " Sick, eh!" — "aye Sir, 'tis surely so 
 
 And since you be so kind, 
 That you may all the matter know 
 
 Please you, I'll mount behind."
 
 20 
 
 15 
 
 Then Sir, you know, you'll lose no way 
 
 But may jog on apace 
 While you can hear all that I say 
 
 Of mistress, and her case. 
 
 16 
 
 And now began in Galen's mind 
 
 Betwixt his pride and fee, 
 That rag'd like sea against the wind, 
 
 A strange controversy. 
 
 17 
 
 At length the Doctor made a 1kiJ( 
 And brought his nag so near, 
 
 That strait the clown he made a vault 
 And settled in his rear. 
 
 18 
 
 The Doctor drest in suit of black, 
 
 The clown in frock all blue 
 Stuck to the little Doctor's back 
 
 As he'd been fix'd with glue.
 
 30 
 
 19 
 
 Would that fanrd Gilray were but nigh 
 
 To draw the laden hack, 
 The Doctor turning neck awry, 
 
 Out-rider at his back. 
 
 20 
 
 And now with joy the Doctor found 
 
 Some symptoms of a job, 
 Symptoms that did a case propound 
 
 For happy Simon Lob. 
 
 21 
 
 Cruel ! — a chariot heav'd in sight 
 Two Ladies fair, were in it ; 
 
 The Doctor in his awkward plight 
 Knew it in a minute 
 
 22 
 
 For strait did he begin to twitch 
 And eke to hem and cough, 
 
 Giving the Clown a sudden hitch 
 « 1 say, get off- get offr
 
 SI 
 
 23 
 
 " What shall I do ? eh! what disgrace 
 " My friends! so oil' you'll get,'' 
 
 " Why Sir, I better know my place, 
 I nuiii go further yet." 
 
 24 
 
 4i TLs Mrs. B so get down — quick'" 
 
 " Well what o'that inun eh? 
 
 Na, I be here, and here I'll stick, 
 I be in luck to day." 
 
 2o 
 
 Fast stuck the Clown, on went the hack 
 
 The Doctor sick, and sore 
 With such a blister at his back 
 
 That vex'd him more, and more. 
 
 26 
 
 Fain would he turn, but knew not how. 
 
 The Chariot came apace ; 
 The Doctor fain would make a buw. 
 
 But only made -djace.
 
 32 
 
 27 
 
 The Ladies smH'd at such a sight 
 With wonder, and with scorn, 
 
 The Doctor in his piteous plight 
 Wishing he'd ne'er been born. 
 
 28 
 
 And now 'twas for many a rood 
 The Clown still kept his seat, 
 
 The Doctor in a musing mood 
 In dread whom next to meet, 
 
 29 
 
 A Curricle ! Lord T is nigh 
 
 The Doctor gives a groan 
 And nods his head, and winks his eye 
 
 In dread of being known. 
 
 30 
 
 Yet Ollapod, he rode in state 
 
 As you will all agree, 
 Nor had his Lordship though more srreat 
 
 Out-rider such as he.
 
 33 
 
 31 
 
 Thus constant kept his friend the Clown 
 
 With most composed face, 
 Till of himself, himself got down 
 
 Resigning of his place. 
 
 32 
 
 " Well, well, I'll see your Wife, I'll call 
 
 After a little while," 
 At which the clown set up a bawl 
 
 " Why it be forty mile." 
 
 33 
 
 And then the Clown he grin'd a grin, 
 
 Bolting towards a stile, 
 While those who sav» him figure in, 
 
 Saw not the Doctor smile. 
 
 34 
 
 But with a horrid yell, and moan 
 He twitch'd his head, and snore 
 
 " Henceforward 1 will ride alone, 
 Nor have Ont-rider more."
 
 34 
 
 3D)e SDebtor anD Crefiitor, 
 
 A TALE. 
 
 A Creditor of hungriest kind 
 
 With an instinct keen, but narrow mind, 
 
 With sharp, thin face, and figure taper 
 
 By trade, a retail Linen Draper, 
 
 A man, for character much quoted, 
 
 And for acceptance never noted; 
 
 (Tho' what is call'd character, withal 
 
 is hut at the best, equivocal, 
 
 As some great folks in honor place it, 
 
 "Yet with dishonest deeds disgrace it; 
 
 Will get at means by false pretences 
 
 But not commit ill-bred offences.) 
 
 So a character is gain'd in trade 
 
 By paying of that, that should be paid,
 
 35 
 
 Which argues as plainly as it can, 
 
 That 'tis money makes an honest man ; 
 
 ►So that the old maxim pay you must 
 
 Is as strictly legal, as 'tis just : 
 
 So thought Cambrick, who with capias 
 
 Latitat, fieri facias, 
 
 Sued ev'ry one who could not pay, 
 
 As by far the best, and surest way; 
 
 To further means of satisfaction 
 
 By the expences of an action 
 
 As thus, an honest man, perdue, 
 
 Who can't pay one pound, can pay two ; 
 
 An inverse rule of arithmetic, 
 
 Or rather some Lawyer's juggling trick; 
 
 A system old Cocker never knew, 
 
 But which some special pleader drew, 
 
 Or recognis'd by some one act is, 
 
 Or in some page of Impetfs Practice, 
 
 That would by hocus pocus docket 
 
 Draw guineas from an empty pocket, 
 
 Or instruct your plaintiff how to i^c.t 
 
 Some few pounds of . esh, in lieu of debt, 
 
 A Slnjlovk kind of law, expedient 
 
 For Creditors, not over lenient.
 
 36 
 
 Now, near this same Draper in the Strand 
 There liv'd a certain Grocer, close at hand 
 The first sold lawns, the last, bohea, 
 The Lmiies visited at tea; 
 But 'gainst close friendship there's a spite 
 Your most loving gossips dis-unite; 
 
 Cambrick got rich the Grocer poor 
 
 Duns by day, and night, beset his door. 
 He knew no comfort but on one day, 
 And only shew'd his face on Sunday : 
 Nor had he peace, nor recreation 
 Unless 'twas in the long vacation ; 
 At ev'ry Knock he felt new terror, 
 For they'd nonpross'd his writs of error, 
 And therefore now was come the season 
 To go into the King's bench prison ; 
 And duly surrender'd by his bail, 
 Poor Sago found himself in jail 
 While stiff Cambrick, reckless of his fate 
 Lodg'd detainer also, at the gate. 
 Friend Sago had now got reconcil'd 
 To his safe, snug lodging, and beguil'd 
 The hours at droll pastimes with the rest, 
 Turning, turnkeys, even into jest ;
 
 37 
 
 Soon paid out a chum a.s others do 
 
 \nd «rot a handsome room —stair case too. 
 
 The Pris'ner, a life of leisure lives, 
 
 That to his Creditor nothing gives, 
 
 So that many think it an abuse 
 
 And a prison but of little use ; 
 
 That it don't lessen accompt debit 
 
 Nor add to either parties credit ; 
 
 Yet, it is held libellous to lash 
 
 A Creditor for being so rash. 
 
 Tor it is well known in law, a man 
 
 Will do no more mischief than he can, 
 
 Nay more, shews lenity exceeding 
 
 From lapse, or flaw in his proceeding, 
 
 And check'd by some blunder, most of aM 
 
 Becomes compassionate and lib'ral, 
 
 And feels, altho' it arrives too late, 
 
 Abundantly considerate. 
 
 So Sayo from some lapsus tedious, 
 
 Ky 's lawyer snapp'd, supersedeas 
 
 From all his actions, save but the one 
 
 Of his kind neighbour Cambrick alone, 
 
 For that was call'd an execution 
 
 The body, or full restitution.
 
 38 
 
 At length, so things by time prevail 
 
 Cambrick, must needs see his friend in jail, 
 
 And with tender feelings did deplore 
 
 That he had never done it before ; 
 
 Marvell'd how it had been neglected 
 
 And his detainer, recollected, 
 
 For it was now two years, and better 
 
 Since he had thought about his debtor. 
 
 Cambrick arrived, poor Sago saw 
 
 The Dead, living victim of the law, 
 
 But in a snug chamber quite compleat 
 
 With handsome furniture, new and neat. 
 
 Cambrick accosted, with but ill grace 
 
 His friend, making a most rueful lace, 
 
 Sago your hand, pray now reproach no more, 
 
 A Turnkey is with me at the door; 
 
 To change place with yon, is now my doom, 
 
 Here — here's your discharge — give me your room 
 
 u Truly! — eh what! — is that the case? 1 ' 
 
 Cambrick replied with serious face, 
 
 " My ruin now, is quite compleated, 
 
 In the Exchequer I'm estreated 
 
 For smuggled muslins, Fve elegits, 
 
 Besides a score of clausumfregits ;
 
 39 
 
 But should not now have made this journey, 
 
 Had it not been lor my attorney, 
 
 Who lias by costs, so cut my estate, 
 
 Obtain L cannot, certificate 
 
 In trade, an excommunication 
 
 T?romJraud, as well as occupation, 
 
 Which keeps a man so cool and quiet 
 
 And on such low, and scanty diet, 
 
 That it never lets him live ao-ain 
 
 To cheat, and thrive, like your honest men."' 
 
 " Why then cried Sago, I've no doubt on't 
 
 But that in jail, you'll have a bout on't; 
 
 For should yon be taken from this place, 
 
 It must be indeed, by act of grace." 
 
 «^^
 
 40 
 
 %\>t €ptcure** 
 
 Let the Epicure boast the delight of his soul, 
 In the high season'd dish, and the rich flowing 
 
 bowl ; 
 Can the}" give such true joys as benevolence can, 
 Or as charity feels when it benefits man : 
 Let him knoAv the kind impulse that suffers 
 
 with grief, 
 Let him taste the delight of affording relief, 
 Let him serve the Great Author of nature's 
 
 Great Plan, 
 Who design'd man to act as the brother of man; 
 Though deceiv'd by a Friend let him sec what 
 
 he'll gain, 
 When the impulse of anger he learns to restrain. 
 
 * These words were set tomusieby Whitaekre, and sung by Mr. Payne, 
 with great applause, in the Author's Farce call'd the " Out-side Passenger.'" 
 it is continued to be sung in public and private companies.
 
 41 
 
 Though great the offence, oh forgive if you can, 
 For revenge is a monster disgraceful to man. 
 Think the chapter of life, oft reverses the scene, 
 And the rich man becomes, what the poor man 
 
 has been. 
 Think that chapter must end, for but short is 
 
 the span, 
 That will give us the power to benefit man.
 
 42 
 
 3Co mp $en 
 
 As thoughtful of wants, of credit, and cash. 
 Of contempt, and reproach, fell poverty's lash, 
 1 began in despair to jog hard my knee, 
 When a soft, stilly voice thus whisper' d to me, 
 To ponder and dream, will not answer thine ends 
 Since thou hast spent all thy money, and tired 
 
 thy friends, 
 (Pray don't be offended, if well understood, 
 My reasoning is fair, and my argument good,) 
 For want of a dinner, never be at a stand, 
 To make sure of a meal, take but me in thy hand . 
 1 look'd round the room at a loss what to say, 
 r JL\vas my pen on the table, unemployed lay.
 
 13 
 
 LINES, 
 
 Ringing of $®i£S %>mzns. 
 
 Did you not hear a bird last night, it sung 
 
 So sweet, you never, never could forget, 
 
 So hue upon the sense the music hung, 
 
 H charm'd me then, and so it charms me yet ; 
 
 For now the lovely Songstress far is &one, 
 
 Th' impression dwells so strongly fix'd with me, 
 
 My ravish'd mind, though the sweet bird is flown 
 
 Retains //a' enchanting melody.
 
 44 
 
 'Twas but a bird of passage, seldom seen, 
 Of song so rare, such med'cine in the sound ; 
 That though my heart in saddest plight had been, 
 It would have sooth'd the anguish of the wound. 
 Yes, 'twas a bird by some rare magic drest 
 In human form, most lovely, and most fair, 
 Or else conceal'd within her snowy breast, 
 In luxury did inhabit there. 
 
 3 
 
 Or chance, it was some spirit from above, 
 
 Or chance 'twas echo's own sweet tuneful strain; 
 
 For what beside could such a rival prove, 
 
 And mock so well " It echoes me again" 
 
 But if a Woman as thy form displayed 
 
 The happy Man, who may have thee for wile, 
 
 Bound by such sweet magic, shall be said 
 
 With truth, " To bear a charmed life"
 
 15 
 
 21U cCCJorftS anD 51?o JKUorftS. 
 
 Tin: he are two great cheats both in country and 
 
 town, 
 True servants of Satan, who run up and down ; 
 The first is nam'd " All Works"—" No Works" 
 
 the other, 
 As arrant a rogue as " All Works'"* hi* brother. 
 I'll describe, aye, and to all the world shew them, 
 That he who may meet, may readily know them : 
 First, Mr. " All Works" he is stately, and proud. 
 Talks much of his deeds as he passes aloud, 
 in hopes that the World his great merits may scan. 
 Quite pleas'd with the title, a very good man, 
 Seeks public occasions to succour distress, 
 In charity's deeds profuse to excess; 
 Hence by numerous donations aptly supplied, 
 Buys up a character flattering to pride ;
 
 40 
 
 In public subscriptions makes ample display, 
 And receives in applause just double the pay, 
 But bestows not his alms where none can behold 
 The bountiful act, only done to tie told; 
 Nor meanness will hinder, nor avarice stint, 
 Can he see his dear name display'd but in print, 
 This man, ever well pleas'd with all that he does 
 Thinks that he knows all, in the little he knows; 
 Assumes an uprightness that cannot apply, 
 While human infirmity gives it the lie; 
 Affirms that the mind, by its energies strong- 
 Could reach at all knowledge, and never judge 
 
 Equal to all in philosophy's scale, 
 
 Though to put back an hour he could not prevail, 
 
 Nor knows whence the mind, nor can give statue 
 
 breath, 
 Nor tell of the country that opens in death. 
 
 * Some of the German philosophers, and disciples of the professor 
 Kant, maintain that the human mind might he capable, by its energies of 
 all knowledge, and rectitude : to have a knowledge of the absurdity of 
 this doctrine; the best, and the wisest men have only to commune in 
 their men chambers, and be still, and indeed the tcisdom from above, does 
 not produce a radical cure for the weakness, aad irregularity of the 
 human understanding, the vi!a perfecta, is not the human life.
 
 47 
 
 But with him 'tis the practice all things to deny, 
 That demonstrative proof may fail to supply ; 
 lie heeds not great Locke by the scholar rever'd, 
 Where reason can't reach, take God at his 
 wordJfc 
 
 * Locke says, " All the great ends of morality and religion, are well 
 enough secured without philosophical proofs of the Soul's immateriality, 
 since it is evident that he who made ws first beain to subsist here — intel- 
 ligent sensible beings — and for several years continued us in such a state, 
 can, and will restore us to the like state of sensibility in another world, 
 and make us capable there to receive the retribution he has designed to 
 men according to their doings in this life. It is a point that seems to 
 tue to be put out of the reach of our knowledge." 
 
 And in his answer to Stillingfleet, Bishop of Worcester, he says, 
 " 'Ibis your accusation of my lessening the inedibility of these articles- 
 of faith, is founded on this, that the article of the immortality of the 
 Soul abates of its credibility, if it be allowed that its immateriality 
 (which is the supposed proof from reason, and philosophy ot its immor- 
 tality) cannot be demonstrated from natural reason, which ar.-ument of 
 your Lordship's bottoms as I humbly conceive on this, that divine revela- 
 tion abates of its credibility in all those articles it proposes, proportion- 
 ably as human reason fails to support the testimony of God, and all that 
 your Lordship has said, when examined, will, I suppose, be found tc» 
 import thus much: viz. docs God propose any thing to mankind to be 
 believed ? It is fit, and credible to be believed, if reason can demonstrate 
 it to i?e true. But if human reason comes short in the case, and cannot 
 make it out, its credibility is then by lessened, which is in effect to say, 
 that the veracity of God is not a firm, and sure foundation of faith to 
 rely upon, without the concurrent testimony of reason-, i e. with reve- 
 rence be it spoken, God is not to be believed on his own word, unless 
 what he reveals be in itself credible, and might be belii *ed without him.
 
 48 
 
 And where ean philosophy better depend 
 Than on God, Almighty, Creator, and friend. 
 For 'tis on all, redemption's blessings shower, 
 Save those who doubt, or worse deny his power; 
 Should such lose paradise, theirs be all the blame, 
 Shall they obtain the advantage they disclaim. 
 'Twas thus the harden'd Jew sail proofs withstood 
 Dooming the guiltless, guilty of his blood. 
 Let th' alternative, the atheist's mind appal. 
 To him, 'tis the writing on the Palace wall. 
 But " All Works," elate at the logic of man 
 Would explain by its rules the Almighty's Great 
 
 Plan. 
 The moral his system, for so 'tis y'clept, 
 A law by frail mortal, never yet kept; 
 But if upright, may err, imputes it to this, 
 That the very best men, do something amiss. 
 His faults are but venial, and mercy will save, 
 With full absolution to flatter a knave. 
 No Saviour he seeks, his strength is his own, 
 And a dying discretion for all may atone. 
 Behold " No Works" step forth, with long dismal 
 
 face, 
 Convinc'd that he's one of the children of grace ;
 
 49 
 
 By the devil persuaded, lie's holy and pure, 
 Far better than others, of salvation sure; 
 Nor need he exclaim 'gainst Pharisee brother, 
 At heart he's a Pharisee bad as the other; 
 For it takes not much pains with such sneaking 
 
 elves, 
 To make them quite pleas'd, and content with 
 
 themselves: 
 He proudly assumes that he's of the elect, 
 Tho' like Alt Works, a knave, shou'd truth but 
 
 dissect ; 
 Says very long prayers when people are nigh, 
 But no offering makes in his privacy, 
 The best test of truth, and of honesty. 
 This Hypocrite acts his religion so well, 
 The spurious from true 'tis not easy to tell ; 
 Tho' Satan you'll trace in some saying quaint 
 As, " The (j "eater the sinner, greater the saint, 1 ' 
 Or " I shall at rest in heavenly station 
 Say, an Amen, to another's damnation." 
 Or some such vile cant that the devils approve 
 Contrary to scripture, for scripture is love. 
 With all his religion, he feels not nor know*, 
 That grace once imbued, continually flows,
 
 50 
 
 Through all the endearing relations of life, 
 Overflowing with love, abating all strife, 
 Instructing, directing, subduing the mind 
 Until chasten'd, improv'd, meek, gentle, retinVl, 
 All blessed itself — it blesses Mankind, 
 Not so with sly "No Works" no love in his breast, 
 With him a good action's a scoff, and a jest; 
 He cooly pretends that good works are but vain, 
 Hence does from good works, most cooly abstain, 
 In the household of faith, all boons are applied, 
 And very poor boons, or the house is belied. 
 No charity warms, himself is his theme, 
 His hymn, and his psalm, salvation his scheme. 
 He will not discern, that though works can't 
 
 succeed 
 As a claim to salvation, yet works will proceed, 
 From grace that is pure, that which flows from 
 
 above, 
 Displaying its power, in truth, and in love. 
 As gold of the river, in current retin'd 
 Leaves all that is dross, and pollution behind ; 
 Now " No Works" but speaks of the power to 
 
 save, 
 Salvation is all the impostor would have;
 
 51 
 
 Nor asks but for that, as a salvo for sin, 
 Forsaking his Saviour, where precepts begin; 
 Would smuggle redemption, and heavenly bliss, 
 Betraying like Judas, his Lord with a kiss; 
 Polluting the cross and grieving the Spirit, 
 Not claiming, and actually having no merit ; 
 Yet in his long prayers so well plays his part. 
 You'd suspect not deception could reign in his 
 
 heart. 
 But some, 'tis most strange, and bard to believe, 
 Deceiving of others, themselves too deceive, 
 Like people who habits of lying pursue, 
 Till it loses its vice, as they fancy all true. 
 To favorite sins the impostor gives place, 
 For him they're wash'd out in the fountain of 
 
 grace : 
 All, all are provided for, do what he may, 
 The past, and the present, and {or day after day. 
 A righteousness pure, is imputed to him, 
 And happy it is, or his hope might grow dim. 
 Next of his experiences preaches aloud 
 To some ignorant, gaping, fanatic crowd 
 I low grace came on a sudden, while selling some tea 
 And now, none are holier, nor purer than he;
 
 52 
 
 As if a few ohs! and groaning*, and sighs 
 Could smuggle his soul to bliss in tlie skies, 
 Like the papists who use the most horrible cries 
 And think that good acting for all will suifice. 
 But now he can't swear, is a babe without blame, 
 Tho' he lies, aye and cheats, without scruple, or 
 
 shame ; 
 'Tis true he nor swears, nor gets drunk, no, nor 
 
 whores, 
 But a brute is at home, and a saint out of doors, 
 A Narbal perhaps, as selfish his life, 
 As sullen his temper, as morose to a wife. 
 For with saints such as these who whimper and 
 
 whine, 
 All affections are lost, no feelings refine; 
 As if the regenerate heart were but known 
 By its being as hard as a Hint, or a stone ; 
 To all but dear self, the salvation he seeks. 
 On all other faiths, his vengeance he wreaks. 
 His new birth, no new grace, nor virtues unfold, 
 The heart he calls new 's just as bad as the old; 
 Yet then it is certain that some change begins 
 The chopping, and changing of habits and sins.
 
 ,53 
 
 He must seem a saint, and seems it so well, 
 That "hat brother saint could the counterfeit tell. 
 True grace is display'd in a more humble mind, 
 With charitv shedding its ravs in mankind ; 
 In forgiveness so full, that anger expires 
 In chaste, and in holy, in temperate des res. 
 True grace like a sun will resplendent ly shine, 
 Bounteous, benevolent, beautious, benign. 
 Where once we see love bid all scruples depart, 
 For love's the sure test of regenerate heart: 
 Love to your God — to your Saviour — mankind, 
 A grave face without this, is a mask, or a blind. 
 But what principles rule the mind fraught with ill, 
 Malice the chief, with her consummate skill; 
 Envy, mistrust, suspicion, and hate, 
 Intolerant pride, with itssaintship elate. 
 But learn, ye unfriendly, 'tis heaven's behest. 
 The mind that lias malice, shall never have rest. 
 Not so, with the humble, the gen'rous, sincere, 
 Some angel is present, Emmanuel near ; 
 And then if temptation should chance lead aside, 
 He'll not wander tar, who has God for his guide. 
 Satan, the World, but assault him in vain, 
 For angels of power his footsteps sustain;
 
 54 
 
 And restless in sin, disatisfied, weak, 
 Alarm'd, and distrest, his shepherd he'll seek : 
 Griev'd that ungrateful, his Saviour he griev'd, 
 Again owns his weakness, again is receiv'd. 
 Thus whether the gospel's from liturgy read, 
 Or in unadorn'd chapels its doctrines be spread : 
 Worship'd in truth, let no sectary despair, 
 Call but on God — your God will be there. 
 But let no one pretend a chapel to raise 
 To the Church's dishonour, 'tis artful dispraise ; 
 For like papists of old, 'tis strange, as 'tis true, 
 Seetarists there are as intolerant too ; 
 They hold they've the truth, exclusive, alone, 
 All the rest in the wrong, aye, every one ; 
 Would suppress all beside,the churches pull down, 
 And in bonfires burn, both the mitre and gown. 
 Unchristian this spirit, proceed whence it may, 
 Wheresoever it rules, the devils have sway. 
 Unfair 'tis to urge some Church Pastors neglect, 
 What the gospel requires, what duties direct; 
 The doctrine itself is most sacre;;, and pure, 
 No cant mars the text, no delusions allure ; 
 It builds not on merits, yet works it demands, 
 In obedience to God, and his holy commands.
 
 bo 
 
 Then should there be sin, as 'tis doubtless there 
 
 will, 
 A Saviour's redemption absolves from the ill. 
 But woe to the Preacher, who works shall require, 
 His Members will scoff, and none will admire; 
 Save the stranger, who pure from the Bible has 
 
 brought, 
 What the Saviour himself in Galilee taught. 
 Tho' professors may quibble and idly refine 
 All moral is holy, and precept divine; 
 The distinction is this, divine grace proceeds, 
 The moral from sin, but shrinks, or recedes 
 In fear of the law, the moral man lives, 
 Hut the law but deters, divine Spirit gives, 
 Rules every action preventing the will, 
 Let the tree be but good, what fruit can be ill ; 
 In harmony then each action will prove, 
 He cannot err long whose principle's love, 
 For as on troubled, and tempestuous main 
 The needle vibrates, but to return again; 
 The true believer will not deviate far ; 
 Jesus his magnet, and his polar star. 
 A true christian is humble, is modest, and mild, 
 In wisdom a God, in meekness a child ;
 
 56 
 
 Gentle his manners, not scornful, nor rude, 
 For temper in him is allay'd, or subdued: 
 To all that's benign his religion gives scope, 
 His Saviour his glory, his pattern, his hope. 
 Were all men true christians, such virtue elate 
 E'en evils of nature would greatly abate, 
 And man might himself Millenium create. 
 Then would the world become, what it ought to be 
 A scene of Love and harmless Pleasantrv.
 
 59 
 
 JUnes, 
 
 ADDRESSED TO THE REV. R. N. F 
 
 On his Verses entitled " The Wild Rose." 
 
 I 
 
 Of little worth is praise to thee, 
 From one so humble, yet I'm free 
 
 To judge a Poet's song ; 
 And pleas'd with fancy, and with grace 
 Will mark the beauties that I trace, 
 
 Nor do thy stanzas wrong. 
 
 I have no sordid mean desire 
 To court no favour I aspire ; 
 
 " Man delights not me :" 
 'Tis mine to judge thy verse alone, 
 And wast thou friendless and forlorn, 
 
 'Two'd have like eulogy.
 
 60 
 
 ;j 
 
 With native truth, and colouring chaste. 
 I avow thy Wild Rose grac'd 
 
 Poetic imagery : 
 And had I but a gayer heart, 
 Thy verse would presently impart 
 
 All its best pleasantry.
 
 61 
 
 3D)e SDragon W&mt, 
 
 AND 
 
 THE HAMMER DAME, 
 
 A TALE. 
 
 1 
 
 I sing not ancient chivalry, 
 Nor do T chaunt some sorry lie, 
 
 Though it may strange appear ; 
 A dame I sing, 1 mourn to tell, 
 Can curse, and swear, and huff as well 
 
 As any Grenadier. 
 
 The Dragon Dame, for that's the name 
 On her escutcheon drawn by fame, 
 
 Full dread was in the light ; 
 Her tongue so bold, as I am told, 
 \\ hen it with direst vengeance roll'd, 
 
 Belabour d many a Knight.
 
 <32 
 
 But as sage Shakspeare makes appear, 
 Two suns can't shine in hemisphere. 
 
 So by this tale you'll see : 
 Two Dames of prowess like in tongue, 
 That could outring, the bells that rung, 
 
 Could never well agree. 
 
 4 
 
 Another dame there liv'd hard by, 
 'Twasso decreed by destiny 
 
 Of right val'rous name ; 
 Her Lord had crest in chivalry, 
 A Hammer rampant, so was she, 
 
 'Yclep'd the Hammer Dane. 
 
 5 
 
 It chanc'd one day, as I heard say, 
 The Dragon Dame met in her way 
 
 When she was very cross; 
 The Hammer Dame who made no stop, 
 Nor even did a curtsey drop, 
 
 But both their heads did toss.
 
 G3 
 
 And now the Dragon Dame did ply, 
 The Hammer Dame with ribaldry 
 
 That she most tamely bore; 
 Until enraged with greeklike ire, 
 The Hammer dame afresh struck fire, 
 
 At being call'd a W e. 
 
 7 
 
 But now by charm of Lichfield's name, 
 The Dragon Lady grows more tame, 
 
 With thought of pennance dire ; 
 Of ceremonial dread and sad, 
 Of being in a white sheet clad, 
 
 Inelegant attire. 
 
 8 
 
 And now about the streets she goes, 
 Enrag'd alike at friends and foes, 
 
 With thoughts of being cast; 
 To the K — g's head she now repairs, 
 Poor II in humble silence stares, 
 
 And F d stands aghast.
 
 64 
 
 9 
 
 The Dragon Dame, she felt no shame, 
 But rather thought she was to blame, 
 
 So sent her foe a piece 
 
 Of J n's famed regal cake, 
 
 So fam'd for children's belly ache, 
 
 In hopes the feud might cease. 
 
 10 
 
 But vain it was, the cake sent back 
 Declares afresh, some fresh attack .; 
 
 The Hammer Dame she went 
 To a Lawyer straight, and did deplore, 
 And stated — we will say no more, 
 
 The hated compliment. 
 
 11 
 
 And now the law doth quickly send 
 Forces to sue, and to defend, 
 
 With process dread and fell; 
 To last for many a rising --un, 
 The end of law that's once begun, 
 
 N o man on earth can tell.
 
 65 
 
 12 
 
 And now should any stranger stand, 
 On this our savage D y land, 
 
 Tmay not be out of season, 
 To say the moral well applies, 
 Don't catch our manners as they rise, 
 
 Nor, nor as they've risen.
 
 66 
 
 j©n CJHomam 
 
 Nature benignant and bounteous to man, 
 Adorn'd with a woman, creation's great plan ; 
 No charm was neglected of person or mind, 
 Comely, and courteous, most chaste and refined. 
 What tho' she mistook, so providence blends 
 That from Woman proceeds more than ample 
 
 amends, 
 The cause of all evil, by heaven embued, 
 Becomes to mankind the cause of all good. 
 
 *S^^g*
 
 67 
 
 2i5altafc, 
 
 ON THE RETURN OF THE 
 
 LORD of CHATS WORTH 
 
 FROM THE CONTINENT. 
 1 
 
 Whence was the gloom o'er Chatsworth spread; 
 
 Whence was the cheerless day, 
 In ev'ry peasant's face 'twas read — 
 
 " Chatsworth's good Lord's away.' 11 
 
 He went to visit foreign climes, 
 
 And shone in every state, 
 An English Peer of modern times, 
 
 Munificent, as great. 
 
 3 
 
 But now o'er Chatsworth's lofty tower 
 The Star shines full abroad, 
 
 That rides an hospitable hour, 
 Rcturif d is Chatsworth's Lord.
 
 68 
 
 4 
 
 Not only to the richer guest 
 These gen'rous rites extend ; 
 
 They warm the humble peasant's breast, 
 The owner's humbler friend. 
 
 For all are friends the country round, 
 Our Lord of Chatsworth here ; 
 
 Engraved on every heart is found, 
 To ev'ry bosom dear. 
 
 6 
 
 Then joy to Chatsworth's stately dome, 
 
 For happy is the day 
 That brings its noble Owner home, 
 
 Who has been far away. 
 
 And merry be this Christmas time, 
 That such good tidings brings; 
 
 And well accepted be the rhime 
 An humble Minstrel sinjjrs.
 
 G9 
 
 VERSES, 
 
 SPOKEN BY THE AUTHOR AT THE 
 
 UNION MASQUERADE, IN THE CHARACTER OF 
 
 iSeter jfog, a $oor $oet 
 
 ECCE Signum a Poet, the Union his theme is, 
 And to make you aJl smile, his wish, and his 
 
 scheme is : 
 Then attend, if you please, while with care he 
 
 rehearses, 
 Not the Bellman's, but something that's like 
 
 Bellmans' verses. 
 Of Hibernia I sing, rich Urbanity's seat, 
 Whose friendship, and love, 'tisan honour togreet, 
 For the Irish are noble, they're gen'rous, sincere — 
 I'm very much pleased that we've some of them 
 
 here. 
 It proves, though out foes from their envy would 
 
 hate us, 
 Our friends would rise up, like acrop of potatoes;
 
 70 
 
 Who knows but they'll find here a Major O'Fla'rty 
 To give a big whack to the great Buonaparte. 
 As for Admiral Bruyes, our tars did astound hin\, 
 Brave Nelson, I trow, knew the way to come 
 
 round him ; 
 For when he had got thirteen ships of the line, 
 He very obligingly ask'd him for nine : 
 But not to be rude to the mighty French Nation, 
 Said, he'd come for the rest on a future occasion. 
 Yet I hope that ere long, these jar rings may cease, 
 For as I'm a Poet, I'm partial to peace, 
 May the blessings of plenty and concord draw nigh, 
 And harvests abundant produce their supply. 
 Though one cannot much wonder provisions 
 
 don't fall, 
 While we'veso many crops good for nothingat all, 
 'Twould reduce the consumption to lay so much 
 
 ahead ; 
 On all the fine folks who don't work for their bread; 
 But least you shou'd say I'm a tedious old dog, 
 I'll only just add, that I'm yours, Peter Fog.
 
 71 
 
 3Une0, 
 
 FATE OF A LITTLE MOUSE, 
 
 That was found dead, over the dry, and empty shells of a bird's nest, 
 in Doctor Fox's drawing room. 
 
 Almost, unto us ev'ry day, 
 Do trifling incidents convey, 
 
 Some moral to be wise; 
 From time, and all its ample store. 
 The very crosses we deplore, 
 
 Do benefits arise. 
 
 How many miss substantial food, 
 How many shun presented good, 
 
 For some poor mean desire ; 
 And as they idly, vainly dwell, 
 Like this poor mouse o'er empty shell, 
 
 In vanity expire.
 
 72 
 
 Friendships merely bought or sold ; 
 " Vessels that no water hold ;" 
 
 Idle calculation : 
 All tell us that the way is wrong, 
 And urges us in language strong 
 
 To better application. 
 
 ONES, 
 
 ON A HOUSE ON THE NOTTINGHAM ROAD. 
 
 In R s, worst of poverty we find, 
 
 Poor in the scanty pittance of his mind, 
 With real poverty of soul combined ; 
 So keen does avarice round his dwelling blow, 
 That not a tree, nor shrub, nor flower will grow,
 
 73 
 
 €$tula#ius 
 
 On the Cupola of an Infirmary in a Country Town ; 
 
 TO THE 
 
 RESIDENT DOCTORS, SURGEONS, & APOTHECARIES, 
 
 Disputing on the question of Small Pox, and Varicella. 
 
 It is with the most distressing sensations that I 
 observe from my high situation, the present 
 unhappy controversy among my children, a con- 
 troversy that threatens to prove fatal in the end, 
 to the best interests of the Practice of Physic. 
 Alas! could ever 1 have thought that I should 
 see the day when any legitimate offspring of mine 
 would turn Authors and be emulous of the poor 
 fame of literary composition. Can you really be in 
 earnest ? Galin, Celsus, Rock, Brodum, Solomon, 
 forbid, reflect! there is yet time left for you to 
 repent, consider while you are thus unproiitably 
 engaged, that for want of your attendances, and 
 for lack of your physic all your jtafienls will 
 (jet well.
 
 74 
 
 1 do not see matters as you do, mine is a cool 
 position. I am afraid that much of this mischief 
 has arisen from nervous irritability, from the 
 mo/bid anatomy of self importance, perhaps 
 from an effusion of blood to the head, after an 
 excellent dinner, and a bottle or two of port, 
 else there would hardly be such a sprinkling of 
 cuphorbium in your prescriptions to each other, 
 let me advise a cooler regimen, with the assist- 
 ance of some antispasmodics, opium, or musk, 
 and then let us talk over the matter in good 
 temper: my old friend Demosthenes says, that 
 the beginning of all virtue is consultation, and 
 deliberation. 
 
 I am willing to acquit you my friends below, 
 of any per sonal animosity, but really you have 
 gone very far to give an impression that such 
 animosity did exist by your calling in nearly the 
 whole disposable medical staff against an indivi- 
 dual, the Galvanic battery from this Castellum, 
 the Diplomatic Brigade, the transition my Sons 
 is very easy from a Committee to a Cabal, it is 
 best even to avoid the resemblances of Party.
 
 Ih 
 
 It is true one of my Sons, the Admiral, prudently 
 perhaps on his part, took what the seamen call 
 it an offing, finding it rather squally weather) in 
 with the Coast of the Infirmary. 
 
 I cannot avoid expressing my concern that 
 there should have been so much appearance of 
 personality in your arguments. You should re- 
 collect that the manners are very different from 
 what they were half a century ago, when the 
 formidable medical body wore immense wigs on 
 their pates, long ruffled shirts, and carried tall 
 golden headed canes ; when a group of them 
 would chatter, and ^/V/M like so many pies, over a 
 dead patient in earnest, and learned disputation, 
 as to which of them it was, that killed the man. 
 
 And for your puns, Gentlemen, really I was 
 in dread how far they might be carried, I ex- 
 pected to hear one of you say that you would 
 not be cowed, another that his opponent was 
 playing chicken hazard, a third, that it was the 
 game of the fox and geese, and perhaps the 
 public might exclaim, " Pox, on both your 
 houses."
 
 76 
 
 Then for the Old Women ! Why my Sons 
 abuse your best friends? It is the Old Woman 
 who always insists on sending for a Doctor, it is 
 the Old Woman who exclaims the Doctor's come!! 
 There is a chemical affinity between a Physician 
 and an Old Woman, that will, I hope, for the 
 sake of the Practice, exist for ever. 
 
 I now seriously recommend, that if you must 
 quarrel, you quarrel as heretofore from time 
 immemorial, Secund. Art. that is with the best 
 possible advantage to the Practice.
 
 77 
 
 ON LEAVING ASHBOURNE, 
 
 After delivering Lectures in that Town. 
 
 \ prepare to take leave, but before I depart 
 ] would fain pay a tribute that comes from the 
 
 heart : 
 'Tis gratitude's language that I would display, 
 But can only express one half it would say ; 
 Yet the impulse is honest, true, and sincere, 
 If ever I felt it, I now feel it here. 
 To prove that I ought to be grateful to you, 
 I'll just state the case, as a Lawyer would do: 
 Hum! — a Stranger my Lud, like a pedlar goes 
 
 down 
 To dispose of his wares, in a neat Country Town ; 
 This Stranger my Lud hasbut humble pretensions. 
 For all his Estate's in his hat's poor dimensions :
 
 78 
 
 He would teach us to think, to converse, and to 
 
 write, 
 And do all that's proper and vastly polite. 
 Now my Lud you will see that the case can't apply ? 
 Where such wares are not wanting, there's no one 
 
 to buy. 
 Judge Ashbourne gets up, 'tis most certainly clear 
 That no Stranger has failed of a kind welcome here ; 
 And if he has ought tbat is useful or gay, 
 We'll not churlishly turn the poor pedlar away. 
 By laws the most liberal, 1 chuse to decide, 
 To encourage a Stranger's my Countrymen's pride 
 To cherish this sentiment then may be well, 
 Though we want not to buy, the man wants to sell 
 But why should a Stranger much wonder he found 
 A lib'ral reception on classical ground? 
 'Tis literature's soil, no rude barren waste ; 
 Here a Boothby delighted with numbers most 
 
 chaste, 
 And yet Moore you may claim, to renovate taste. 
 I shall now bid farewell, my Lecture here ends, 
 My best adding up, the thanks to my friends ; 
 Anxious to leave the impression behind, 
 ] was not ungrateful where they were %o kind.
 
 79 
 
 Dn a SUDp, 
 
 PLACING A FALLEN ROSE IN HER BOSOM. 
 
 1 
 
 Rude the wind, unkind the shower, 
 That made thee droop thy head ; 
 
 That bent so low, so fair a flower, 
 The pride of all the bed. 
 
 2 
 
 Let me preserve thee, beauteous rose, 
 Where no cold frost appears ; 
 
 Where thou shalt feel no wind that blows, 
 No shower but my tears.
 
 80 
 
 £>De to %mtt) t 
 
 Say thou poor persecuted saint, 
 Thou mangled martyr of all times ; 
 
 Mangled in sayings, cute, and quaint. 
 In heaps of prose, and lots of rhymes ; 
 
 2 
 
 Mangled by sectarists ev'ry day, 
 All claiming credence right ; 
 
 Who'd cheat the gospel while they pray, 
 And honest truth keep out of sight, 
 
 What dost thine hustled highness here ? 
 
 Truly I'd cut the World, or quit it ; 
 'Tis but in vain thou'dst persevere, 
 
 Seldom able to out wit it.
 
 81 
 
 S>ong, 
 
 M'RITTEN OX BOARD THE RESOURCE FRIGATK. 
 
 Night had past her heaviest glooms, 
 All but the watch were fast in sleep, 
 
 When right a head a vessel looms, 
 Ploughing fast the stilly deep ; 
 
 The Quarter Master tends the wheel, 
 And sings as on the chace we steal; 
 Steady, Port a little, steady. 
 
 All hands are call'd, no seaman rests, 
 For now the Boatswain hoarsely cries, 
 
 :: Up all hammocks, down all chests;" 
 See each man to his station Hies. 
 
 The Quarter Master, &c.
 
 82 
 
 3 
 
 A few broadsides decide the fight, 
 Her colours struck bespeak dismay ; 
 
 The prize is ours, the helm we right, 
 And now for England bear away. 
 
 The Quarter Master, *&c. 
 
 4 
 
 The helmsman now he ready stands 
 
 His heart with love's sweet hope imprest; 
 
 The wheel still govern'd by his hand, 
 The magnet compass in his breast. 
 The Quarter Master, &c. 
 
 * Recollection does not always pour out the vials of wrath. At 
 times it conies in such pleasant guise as makes us give it welcome It 
 is so with one who has ever leaned over the tafferel of a ship of war 
 in a fine evening, when he recalls the serenity of the picture, con- 
 templating the wake of the vessel in a favoring gale, on a passage home, 
 ami the beauty of the setting sun. It is a mistaken notion that a sailor 
 is all roughness and rudeness; among the Officers are to he found men 
 of high polish, when absent from the boisterous duties peculiar 
 to the element. At the time that the Author was lieutenant in the 
 Swedish Marine, a circumstance occurred that deserves mention, 
 as it displays the character of the Naval Officer. He had
 
 8-3 
 
 seen the present Admiral Sir Sidney S , with (whom he was to 
 take his passage in a merchant ship to Gottenberg,) several times at 
 his own house, and once when he was drest for court, he was struck 
 with the appearance of the then Captain S— , and with the elegance 
 of h is manners, and the next day was appointed to meet him on the Royal 
 Exchange. The Author was punctual, but could not see any person 
 
 in the Swedish walk, in the least resembling Captain S . At length 
 
 he applied to a merchant to know if he had been there ; the merchant 
 pointed to a man in an old great coat with a silk bandanna handker- 
 chief round his neck, who was indeed that elegant and accomplished 
 Officer, he smiled at the circumstance, and seemed to enjoy very 
 much the masquerade, saying, " We were courtiers yesterday, but 
 we must be sailors to day." The Naval Officer of the Old School 
 was not so easily polished. Admiral Sir J. L. It. was at the levee 
 tnking leave, and after the presentation to the Queen, abruptly 
 turned ro\ind to go away. The Lord in waiting, said, " Admiral it 
 is not the etiquette to turn about in the presence of the Queen." Never 
 mind cried the blunt Admiral, " Tell her Majesty that I'll never turn 
 my back on her enemies."
 
 04 
 
 1Ci)e Big miss. 
 
 OR, 
 
 COUNSELLORS SNOUT and GLOUT, 
 
 A TALE, 
 
 'Twas at the assizes in a Country town, 
 
 Where on the circuit, Counsellors go down 
 
 To pocket fees from many a gaping clown ; 
 
 That brothers Snout and Gloat as usual met. 
 
 To argue cases, of trespass, or of debt. 
 
 Now it happen'd that these big Wigs sage & cute. 
 
 Were both retain'd for plaintiff in a suit; 
 
 The court was very full, a swarm like May bees, 
 
 Gentlemen & clowns, mothers with their babies, 
 
 All eager to press forward — close at hand, 
 
 1 o hear what but i'ew of them could understand, 
 
 r i he cause was call'd on, Counsellor Snout bejran. 
 
 A clever Counsellor, but an u^h man. 
 
 So nglv, that his lace was almost hideous. 
 
 To ^aiure's comlincss a supersedeas.
 
 85 
 
 In the midst of a fat, squab face arose, 
 V large huge proboscis call'd a nose, 
 That might have made the Counsellor when in bed 
 Of the bed clothes, an awning o'er his head. 
 — A witness was call'd up — a woman too, 
 With whom the gown has often much to do, 
 That sex don't like badg'ring, and in most matters. 
 The Counsellor's badgered, when the woman 
 
 chatters; 
 'Twas just so now for Snout, somewhat angrily. 
 Cried out several times " Woman look at me!" 
 Now it happen'd that the woman took the whim, 
 Of looking at almost any thing but him ; 
 \t (lie young dandy Counsellors, plac'd behind, 
 Or at almost any other object she could find. 
 \ t length (he J udgre as well mij>ht be in such case, 
 Call'd out " Woman look my brother in the face!"" 
 The poor woman faulter'd, hesitated, blush'd, 
 The Court, & all the Counsellors, all were hush'd , 
 But yet the good woman turn'd away her eyes. 
 Again the Counsellor to the Judge applies; 
 The Judge again repeats but with less grace, 
 *'• Woman, look my learned brother in the face/*
 
 80 
 
 " I can't indeed my Lord, pray my Lord excuse," 
 " What Woman do you still persist, refuse ?" 
 " I can't indeed my Lord," quite scar'd and wild, 
 " Woman, why not?" " My Lord, 1—1 — I'm with 
 
 child," 
 Here up rose Qlont, u Yes, yes, I — 1 see, I see, 
 I know, I know, come good V\ oman look at nie." 
 Now Glout was by far more plain than t'other 
 hi very ugliness, his elder brother, 
 Or at least perhaps 'twill be but just and fair 
 To say, that these two Counsellors made a pair. 
 Glout had a frightful squint, was dull and stupid, 
 And when a boy at School, was nicknam'd Cupid. 
 In vain it is, that the Counsellor applies 
 To the stubborn Lady, she averts her eyes, 
 The Judge, " Here you Woman, do you hear, 
 
 attend;" 
 1 desire that you'll look at my learned friend. 
 " 1 can't," "you can't," " why then you shall go 
 
 to jail, 
 We will see if bread and water will prevail, 11 
 " I can't look indeed— Heaven forgive my sins, 
 I, 1 — think— I think — my Lord — I think I've 
 
 t\\ ins."'
 
 87 
 
 OV Till- 
 
 portrait of Aprs. $ 1, 
 
 Of Whidiniove Hill: 
 FAINTED BY BARBER. 
 
 Tho' Barber's skill can give a grace, 
 
 To dull inanimation : 
 It best displays the speaking face, 
 
 The mind's illumination. 
 
 Nee here the painters art proclaim, 
 Beauty, grace, wit, combin'd, 
 
 And shew within a golden frame, 
 The happiest frame of mind,
 
 8# 
 
 1Tt)e 2Derbta6. 
 
 MOTLEY'S THE ONLY WEAK 
 
 1 
 
 Muses, ye lofty beggars pray. 
 
 Attempt not to excuse ; 
 In metre I would fain display 
 
 Our D— y friends, and news. 
 
 2 
 
 For once be civil then and stoop, 
 Come lend me your instructions. 
 
 While I present my motley group. 
 With proper introductions. 
 
 And pray too, ladies be discreet, 
 No jealousies, nor malice; 
 
 But give a sample I intreat 
 Of \<>ur best humour'd sallies,
 
 89 
 
 4 
 
 For what for libel's oft mistook, 
 
 Is but a smart emetic ; 
 Prescribed a patient in a book, 
 
 Like treatise analytic. 
 
 5 
 
 Or physic which improves the chyle 
 
 Almost beyond idea; 
 By due discharge of acrid bile, 
 
 Or cleansing prima via. 
 
 Or rather 'tis a syringe, or squirt, 
 The.t used by waggish elves ; 
 
 On dirty people, throwing dirt, 
 To make them clean themselves. 
 
 7 
 
 It therefore has a moral end, 
 And is no scand'lous matter; 
 
 iiut is the office of a friend 
 To pelt, and to bespatter. 
 
 M
 
 00 
 
 8 
 
 But be it done so true and decent, 
 
 A man himself may see ; 
 And as in an indictment recent, 
 
 Himself insist 'tis he.# 
 
 9 
 
 Or inuendo past a doubt, 
 
 For nibblers at the bar ; 
 That ex-qfficio may find out 
 
 Some sage Sir Vinegar.^ 
 
 * In an action against Count S — , for a libel on Major J— — — , 
 
 the Judge inquired if any body knew the picture, drawn by the Author 
 
 to be that of Major J . The answer was, yes my Lord, the Major 
 
 himself says it was meant for him — well replied the Judge, if that be the 
 case, I dm very sorry it is so like. — It would be better in these cases to use 
 
 a line from the song of the little Old Woman, " Sure it is 'nt I ." It 
 
 constitutes a case in which we may be fairly excused for not knoiving 
 one's self: perhaps the better way is for the libellee to turn up his nose, 
 and say that tbc article is trash, and the autbor contemptible, 
 
 \ There is even foppery to be found at the bar. These fops are never 
 seen to so much (idvantngc, or rather disadvantage, as when they are 
 nibbling in court, by day, or at chambers at night. It is then that they 
 show «jf } and pcrtness is mistaken for aptness. — If you see a loose
 
 91 
 
 10 
 
 So ladies of offence take care, 
 
 And legal prosecution; 
 Yet do not the oppressor spare 
 
 From tame irresolution. 
 
 11 
 
 But t ? have done with this exordium, 
 
 Or legal disquisition, 
 Or rather sprinkling of cuphorbium, 
 
 Of satirist physician. 
 
 shambling, slovenly personage, drest in shabby black, and without gloves, 
 in the streets starving at the space above him, and looking like an idiot. 
 ""Tis tea to one that he's a barrister. This character is seen to still less 
 advantage in the draici-nq room, there he is put out of countenance, (no 
 such rare occurrence hy the bye, when be is nut of court) by the grunde 
 manicre of the noblesse, and the haul en /his, which they can display on 
 occasion, nor does bis peftness or sagacity avail him any thing before 
 the foppery of the man of fashion, or that of the man of the icorld, for all 
 these have their fopperies. 
 
 Shame on it!! — are wc to be always scarecrows to each other, mutually 
 disdaining, and despising, and displaying the vile egotism of our 
 condition in life. 
 
 Kut let me just: one great, grand, noble feature belong* to the dm-
 
 92 
 
 12 
 
 And with my D y news proceed 
 
 With critical narration, 
 That all my readers who can read, 
 
 May read for information.^ 
 
 racter of the English Barrister. It is his high scuse of integrity, and of 
 honor, above all bribery, and on the score of corruption. 
 
 " Both from within, and from without, to all temptation amfd." 
 
 This is his allowance of praise ; all beyond, is vanity, pertness, prejudice, 
 illiberality, suspicion, cunning, and vulgarity. There are exceptions to 
 every rule, and in this case just so many as serve to establish the rule. 
 
 * It is not every body who has had a college education who can read 
 
 ^^s
 
 93 
 
 d5oaitng ti)e Ball. 
 
 i 
 
 (f D y merit you would find, 
 
 One hint will do for all; 
 
 The talent of the D y mind, 
 
 Is goaling of a IB all. 
 
 On a shrove Tuesday, see parade. 
 
 This dirty institution; 
 And in miniature display 'd, 
 
 A red cap revolution.
 
 !)4 
 
 3Jufcemte Capacity 
 
 See our rising 1) y race, 
 
 Strong, stupid, wild and rough 
 
 With most unmeaning silly face, 
 But impudence enough.^ 
 
 * Tlie depravity of the boys and girls in this town is anevidence of the 
 little use of Sunday Schools governed on the system of neglecting' 
 altogether preceptive religion, or morals, with that minor morality y not 
 less valuable called manners. The nuisances that they are to the well 
 disposed, and quiet inhabitant, their offensive diversions, trespasses, 
 throwing of stones, &c. shew the shameful relaxation of morals. The 
 lower order of people pride themselves in their children becoming what 
 they call fine rough lads, that is, to be capable of lighting, goaling a 
 ball, robbing an orchard, &c. If complained of, the reply of the 
 mothers is, most generally, " well I shan't beat my child for anybody ;'" 
 without sense to sec that the permitted mischief will some day fall 
 severely on themselves, in all manner of undutifulness, and hardihood. 
 
 One of these wretched mothers on its being represented to her that 
 her son, njine ruvgh lady had committed a petty theft, made answer 
 with vast exultatioiij " Aye! Aye! he's tuy/aiise he won't want for any
 
 95 
 
 thing he can lay his hands on I warrant, hut the grace of Cod will 
 descend upon him hy and bye." 1 could not hut think that a Hogging 
 would have been useful now and then until that time arrived. Fuusse 
 is a favourite word with these poor ignorant creatures, as if falsity, 
 cunning and lubtilily were good principles for a child; for tlic word is 
 derived from the French, and such its meaning : That these qualities 
 are completely devilish is certain. Now much of this mischief proceeds 
 from the fatal misrepresentations of the Holy Scripture, from the 
 favourite axiom of grace without tenrks; thus these young Spartans are 
 allowed to thieve if they have dexterity enough to do it without detec- 
 tion : and the public are to wait as long a time perhaps for grace to 
 come on tliem, as these self duhb'd Saints, the father ami mother, say 
 it was before it came on themselves. One should be just always, the 
 Derbies are bold and daring horsemen, though they all gallop like 
 butchers: it is remarkable, that in riding, the arms and legs swing 
 like those of the puppet puu< h in the show; am! in walking, they have 
 as much act ion for the arms, as the legs. I shall be told perhaps that 
 this applies to the vulgar, it docs, and of these there is a vast popula- 
 tion of rich and poor. 1 am not now to be dcterrM from speaking 
 the truth; the World must now court me, I have done with courting the 
 World. 1 am " censor inorum libcriininus. 1 ' I bold, that this town 
 which affects so much polish, is at least a century and a half behind any 
 other in England on tin; score of mind and manners. — '.t is tine that 
 Ladies and Gentlemen are the same in every place : but few of thtsc 
 are indigenous. Tin y have an old adage among themselves that is 
 at once original and applicable. 
 
 J)— — y born and I)— — y bred, 
 Strong arms, and a weak head. 
 
 The want of a portion of mind m a town is never more strongly exhi- 
 bited than in a neglected theatre. Those who have heard Sinclair s.u *
 
 00 
 
 with all his science and taste to a thin house, and even Kean and 
 O'Neil play to houses not over crowded, will not be at a loss to judge 
 of the lamentable deficiency of mind. Hopes may be entertained of 
 an increase of intellect, when monied people, and the trade help to fill 
 the seats, to see respectable tradesmen and their families, looks well: 
 for 'tis too true that there are many who would rather spend three or 
 four shillings in ale in a night at a public house, than pay two towards 
 the cultivation of their barren understandings at a play. 
 
 " Sweep on ymifa), and preasy citizens" 
 
 Tour library consists of a day book, and a ledger. 
 
 I am one who will never shew respect to a man merely for his money. 
 If a pig could carry a purse he might have money about him 3 and 
 v hat is a town without intellect, but a large piggenj.
 
 97 
 
 SD)e 3) j> Committee. 
 
 ««#«©► «^»* 
 
 i 
 
 Behold a solemn Council met, 
 
 Gravely to investigate: 
 Each learned member takes his seat, 
 
 To muse, and cogitate. 
 
 Never sure was such a gloom., 
 
 Or such sage inquisitors; 
 Hung with black seems all the room, 
 
 Frightened all the visitors. 
 
 On new small pox (hey now debate, 
 Or old small pox belied: 
 
 And now they gravely agitate, 
 A thing is not, that's modified.
 
 98 
 
 1Ci)e Mist £@en. 
 
 i 
 
 Here too philosophers hold reign, 
 
 Exclusive and select; 
 Their own rare talents to sustain, 
 
 And rivalship reject. 
 
 Prudence those YVisemoif s measures <rrace 
 
 With selfish sentiment ; 
 Black halls wou'd be in such a case, 
 
 A real compliment. 
 
 But alls not dulness here nor self; 
 
 To some there's due the praise; 
 I scorn to give the clown with pelt' 
 
 The homage meanness pavs.
 
 101 
 
 SteMeston C^all. 
 
 These lines may no one flattery call. 
 My theme has need of none ; 
 
 I sing the hospitable hall, 
 The hall of Kedleston. 
 
 Ungrateful they who can forget. 
 The gen'rous ready boon, 
 
 For him who entered cold and wet. 
 The doors of Kedleston. 
 
 Who knows tojudge and feels to prize? 
 
 That art so little known : 
 That bids the humblest merit rise. 
 
 The Lord of Kedleston.
 
 102 
 
 Who at the splended Fete or Ball, 
 In brilliant converse shone? 
 
 Giving light, and life to all, 
 The Dame of Kedleston* 
 
 Tho" more retir'd yet as bright, 
 In her domestic zone, 
 
 In steady lustre gives her light, 
 The Star of Kedleston. 
 
 On ^ottttcs* 
 
 i 
 
 We have our Parties high and low, 
 
 True blue and yellow ; 
 Each to the other don't you know, 
 
 A silly fellow.
 
 103 
 
 But small, his merit who espouses 
 
 Either side in spite ; 
 I say " pox <>' both your 11011808,''' 
 
 Mercutio was right. 
 
 3 
 
 What is this Party ? why forsooth 
 
 A lying devil, 
 Who smothers as he lists the truth, 
 
 To his own level. 
 
 4 
 Now revolution's naught, 
 
 In my researches, 
 find no better doct 
 Than in our churches. 
 
 1 find no better doctrine taught 
 
 I love to see the antique spire, 
 
 Aye, and 1 love my king; 
 No vile, rude tumults 1 desire, 
 
 No — no such thing.
 
 104 
 
 If Minister be knave, or fool, 
 Then be this my toast ; 
 
 May no democracy bear rule, 
 Old Whigs — your post, 
 
 Betray all fiction, folly, freak, 
 
 Or vile financial trick ; 
 Let now one honest speaker, speak 
 
 Cocker's Arithmetic. 
 
 8 
 
 Then honest men judge for the best, 
 
 Aye, and be quiet ; 
 Keeping this maxim in your breast, 
 
 Reform, not riot. 
 
 TJIE END.
 
 <£Htl*$ttt! 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Dedication, 3 
 
 Preface, 3 
 
 Ode to Flattery, i> 
 
 to Poverty, 1 3 
 
 A Visit from Industry, IB 
 
 Ode to my Parrot, 22 
 
 The Apothecary and his Out-rider, 2.'> 
 
 The Debtor and Creditor, ■ 34 
 
 The Epicure, 40 
 
 To my Pen, , . . . . 42 
 
 Lines on the singing of Miss Stevens, 43 
 
 All Works and no Works, 4"* 
 
 Ode to Truth, 53 
 
 Lines addressed to the Rev. R. F on his Verses 
 
 entitled the Wild Rose, 59 
 
 The Dragon Dame and the Hammer Dame, Gl 
 
 On Woman, (j<> 
 
 Ballad on the return of the Lord of Chadsworth from 
 
 the Continent, ... 07 
 
 o
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Verses spoken by the Author at the Union Masquerade, 
 
 in the Character of Peter Fog, a Poor Poet, .... 09 
 Lines on the fate of a Little Mouse lhat was found dead, 
 over the dry and empty shells of a bird's nest, in 
 
 Doctor Fox's drawing room, 71 
 
 Lines on a House on the Nottingham Road, 72 
 
 Esculapius on the Cupola of an Infirmary in a County 
 Town, to the resident Doctors, Surgeons, and 
 Apothecaries debating on the question of Small 
 
 Pox, and Varicella, 73 
 
 Address on leaving Ashbourne, after delivering Lectures 
 
 in that Town, 77 
 
 On a Lady placing a FaHen Rose in her bosom, 79 
 
 Ode to Truth, 80 
 
 Song, written on board the Resource Frigate, 81 
 
 The Big Wigs, or Counsellors Snout and Glout, a Tale, 84 
 
 On the Portrait of Mrs. II 1, of Winchmore Hill, 
 
 painted by Barber, 87 
 
 TheDerbiad, •• 88 
 
 Coaling Ihe Ball, y-> 
 
 j aver! i le Capacity, 93 
 
 1 ! y Committee, 6 <)7 
 
 ■•;■. Men, 08 
 
 Kedieston Hall, ....•• J01 
 
 On Politics, , 102
 
 imfcscrtbers jRames. 
 
 «-©•€>»» 
 
 Allen J. Surgeon, Tutbury. 
 
 Atherton Lieut. 13th Lt. Dragoons. 
 
 Anson Hon. and Rev. Frederick, Sudbury. 
 
 Andrew John, Wirksworth, 
 
 Arkwright Richard, IViMcrsley Castle. 
 
 Ealguy Mrs. Duffield. 
 
 Balguy B. T. 
 
 Bakewell George. 
 
 Barber Mrs. Eastwood. 
 
 Bat em an R. Wheat Hill. 
 
 Bateman Henry. 
 
 Beaumont John, Harrow. 
 
 Beresford Rev. James. 
 
 Bevor J. Newark, 2 copies. 
 
 Biden Rev. H. L. Iiisley. 
 
 Bryan Rev Guy, South Normanton. 
 
 Bristowc Samuel E. Findern. 
 
 Birch Robert, Bakewell. 
 
 Birch R. W. Smatley. 
 
 Bovvmer Thomas. 
 
 Boothby William. 
 
 Braham Mr. Theatre Royal, Covent Garden, 
 
 Bridgett Thomas. 
 
 Bromley John. 
 
 Bromley Miss E. Spondon. 
 
 Bradshaw Francis, Barton Fields. 
 
 Buxton Mrs. Fanny, Ashboum. 
 
 Burrough John. 
 
 Burnaby Rev. Thomas. 
 
 Brewer Robert, Landscape Painter, 
 
 Cade James, Surgeon, Spondon.
 
 SUBSCRIBERS NAMES. 
 
 Calvert Francis Houndhill. 
 
 Calvert Edward. 
 
 Cavendish Hon. H. M. Doveridge. 
 
 Challinor B. 
 
 Chamberlayne Rev. J. Repton. 
 
 Chamberiin Thomas, 
 
 Chatterton John. 
 
 Chester Captain, Royal Artillery, 
 
 Clark Charles. 
 
 Clay Miss. 
 
 Coke E. Longford Hall. 
 
 Coke E4war4 r -?kin. M. P. ; ' • ' 
 
 Coke Mrs. Spondon. 
 
 Cox E. S. JSrailsford. 
 
 Cooper J. D. Mayjield Cottage. 
 
 Curzon Hon. and Rev. D. 
 
 Curzon Nathaniel Hon. Farnah. 
 
 Daintree Mrs. 
 
 Devonshire His Grace the Duke of, 12 copies. 
 
 Dod Miss. 
 
 Draper G. 
 
 Doherty Captain 13th Light Dragoons. 
 
 Dickinson Rev. Dr. Stavely. 
 
 Dixon Rev. F. L. L. D. Vicar of Dnffield. 
 
 Eaton Willian, Sutton Field. 
 
 Edge Thomas Webb, Slrelley Hall. 
 
 Ellam Miss, Ashbourn. 
 
 Evans Samuel. 
 
 Every Sir Henry Bart, Eggington. 
 
 Eversfield Charles, Catsjield. 
 
 Eaton Charles. 
 
 Fallows Mr. 
 
 Fancourt Miss. 
 
 Flack W. C. Cavendish Bridge. 
 
 Forester R. F. M. D. 
 
 Fosbrook Leonard, Shardlow. 
 
 Flamstead Rev. R. D. Spondon. 
 
 Fowler W. T.
 
 SUBSCRIBERS NAMES. 
 
 Fox Francis, M. D. 
 
 Fox Mrs. 
 
 Fox Francis, .Tun. M. D. 
 
 Fox Edward. 
 
 Fox Samuel, Osmaston Half. 
 
 Foxlowe Ilev. F. Stave ley. 
 
 French Rev. II. N. Osmaston. 
 
 Fritche G. 
 
 Garlike W. B. M.D. 2 copies. 
 
 Cell P. Hopton Hall. 
 
 Girardot J. C. Allestree Hall. 
 
 Greaves W. M. D. 
 
 Greaves T. L. Sol. 
 
 Greaves George, Sol. Ashbonrne. 
 
 Greaves llev. George, Stanton. 
 
 Greaves, 11. C. Ingteby. 
 
 Gregory George, liepton Priory. 
 
 Goodwin E. Landscape Painter. 
 
 Green J. 
 
 Green Rev. Charles E. Dailmry Lees. 
 
 Hall Rev. J. Hancock His fey. 
 
 Hallowes Thomas, (Jlapwcll Half. 
 
 Hankey R. A. London. 
 
 Harper R. J. 
 
 Harrison Mrs. 
 
 Harrison J. 
 
 Harrison John, Ihifjietd. 
 
 Harrison James, London. 
 
 Harrison Richard, near the Ash. 
 
 Ileathcote Bache, Pastures. 
 
 Henley Mrs. 4 copies 
 
 Higginson Rev. Edward. 
 
 Hirst Richard, (deceased) 12 copies. 
 
 Hirst John, flinch more J I ill, 12 copies, 
 
 Mrs. Hirst. 
 
 Holden Rev. C. J. Aston. 
 
 Holden Robert, JJarley Abbey. 
 
 Hoskins Abraham, Newton Sofncy.
 
 SUBSCRIBERS NAMES. 
 
 Hope Rev. C. S. 
 
 Hope Miss. 
 
 Hodson Henry, Burton. 
 
 Hod son C. J Burton. 
 
 Hunter. W. B. 
 
 Hurt Francis, Alderwa&ley. 
 
 Hurt Charles. 
 
 Hurt Mrs. 
 
 Hurt Edward. 
 
 Hyde Samuel, Qnarndon. 
 
 Hancock William. 
 
 Harwood R. D. F. S. A. Lichfield. 
 
 Hubball George. 
 
 Hulbert G. R. Aston. 
 
 Jessopp Francis. 
 
 Johnson Rev. N. P. Aston. 
 
 Jones Rev. E. O. 
 
 Jowett Thomas, Draycott. 
 
 Lane John, Kings Bromley. 
 
 Leacroft Captain, East Brigeford. 
 
 Leaper Richard, 2 copies. 
 
 Lockett W. J. 10 copies. 
 
 Lowe W. U. Locko Park, 2 copies. 
 
 Lowe Henry. 
 
 Mason H. 
 
 Matchett John. 
 
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 Meyncll Hugo, Hoarcross Hall. 
 
 Mosley Sir Oswald. Rolleston Hall. 
 
 Mosley A. N. Park hill. 
 
 Mosley Rev. Paget. 
 
 Morewood Rev. H. C. 2 copies. Alfreton Hall, 
 
 Moore wood Mrs. 2 copies, 
 
 Moore Thomas, Nottingham. 
 
 Mouselev Mrs. E. 
 
 Mundy E. M. Shipley Hall, M. P. 
 
 Murphy Richard.
 
 SL'JJSCUiHERS NAMES. 
 
 Milner George. 
 
 Moseley Mrs. 
 
 Moss J. 
 
 Norm an Rev. A. 
 
 Newton William. 
 
 Nuttal Miss. 
 
 O'Neil Miss. Theatre Royal Covent Garden 
 
 Pares Thomas, Hopwell Hall. 
 
 Poyser Samuel. 
 
 Radford John, Smalley. 
 
 Radford R. S. 
 
 Richardson Miss. 
 
 Rowland Mrs. 
 
 Rose John. Ockbrook. 
 
 Roebuck John. St. Mary at Hill. 
 
 Roberts Wolston, Queen Street. 
 
 Robotham F. 
 
 Scarsdale lit. lion. Lord, 2 copies. 
 
 Severne Francis. 
 
 Severne Miss, Alvaston. 
 
 Shirley R. W. Edna st on Hall. 
 
 Simpson VV. M. D. Hilton Cottage. 
 
 Simpson J. B. 
 
 Siiwell E. S. Slainsby. 
 
 Sleath Rev. Doctor, Repton. 
 
 Slow David, Royal Horse Guards. 
 
 Smith J. N. 
 
 Smith J. II. 
 
 Smith Thomas, near Stav( ley. 
 
 Smith John, Repton. 
 
 Snart Charles, Sol. Newark. 
 
 Spilsbury Rev. Francis. 
 
 Spilsbury F. B. Suryeon, Newark. 
 
 Staines Rev. M. \Y. 2 copies. 
 
 Strutt W. »'J copies. 
 
 Strutt Joseph, (j copies. 
 
 Strutt G. B. 
 
 Strutt John,
 
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 Stru it Jedediah. 
 
 Sutton J. S. Broughton House, 4 copies. 
 
 Swinburne William, 2 copies. 
 
 Stone Robert, Cottage Br ook,Needwood Forest. 
 
 Tain worth Lord Viscount. 
 
 Tarn worth Lady. 
 
 Thomas W. B. Chesterfield. 
 
 Thompson Rev. John. 
 
 Towle John. Braycott. 
 
 Tro well Mrs. ThornhilL 
 
 Trotter Lieut, ltoyal Artillery. 
 
 Tunstall Rev. M. 
 
 Tunnieliffe Mrs. 
 
 Tyson W. Surgeon, Ashboum, 
 
 Vernon Right Hon. Lord, Sudbury. 
 
 Walker Thomas, Berry Hill. 
 
 Ward J. B. 
 
 W'ard Rev. J. 
 
 Ward W. 2 copies. 
 
 Ward Rev. R. 
 
 Ward E. 
 
 Ward T. 
 
 Warner John. 
 
 Watson White, F.L.S. Bakewell. 
 
 Watson Lieut. Col. 7 1st Regiment of Infantry, 
 
 Webb John. 
 
 Weatherhead John. 
 
 Wheldon Joseph, Alvaston. 
 
 Wilmot Sir R.Bart. Chaddesden, 2 copies. 
 
 Windsor John, Uttoxeler. 
 
 Whitehurst J. Jun. 
 
 WilkinsonMossrs. Druggists, XoWcm. 
 
 Wilson J, 
 
 Wilkins G. Bookseller. 
 
 Witt Rev. M. Ilepton. 
 
 Wright John, Surgeon. 
 
 Wright J. Bt'sley. 
 
 Wright Edward, Burton. 
 
 Yeomans Lieut. Bo gal Artillery.
 
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 John Read, Esq. Norton House. 
 
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 Joshua Jebb, Esq. Walton Lodge. 
 
 Mr. Rogerson, Land Surveyor, Derby, 
 
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 C. M. Phillipps, Esq. Garendon Park. 
 
 John Cradock, Esq. Loughborough. 
 
 Mr. Wallis, Surgeon, Ditto. 
 
 Charles James Packe, Esq. Prestwould Hall. 
 
 Charles V. Dash wood, Esq. Stanford Hall. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Parkinson, Archdeacon of Leicester, 
 
 Keg worth. 
 Mrs. Dawson. 
 Colonel Burnaby. 
 
 Theos. Levett, Esq. Wichnor Lodge. 
 Thos. S. Brome, Esq. Mount.
 
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