UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES it s K&*WGS ^<-^ vH, 'i,~r\ 'MES AMOURS:' (poems: (pct06tonoem^\ DEAREST DOLLY: Don't leave me alone with myself in a place where you have been ! I get upon my nerves and think of things that never have been, till my mind wanders away and leaves my body mad. Yours, AFTER-THOUGHT. This boy was possessed by the original idea that he was not, never could be, jealous. Oh, Vanity, thy name is not always woman ! AFTER. NOTE. This should have been called "An Interlude." I think it is in the nature of the skele ton-key adaptable to the dead-locks of flirtation. Poem suitable for sending to a loved one before going out of town, where one may find someone one likes better. Its great advantage is that if the above does not take place, one can triumphantly point to the last verse, and, working the " misunderstanding " racket, start fresh. I FELT, long ago, that my day-dream was past ; But I know 'twould have softened the sting of my pain Had you told me yourself ih&t I'd wakened at last, Had I heard your sweet voice only once, once again. Introductory verse easily explained, if necessary, by referring to some casual tiff on some trivial subject. 'Twas your cold, cruel silence that taught me despair, When no word echoed mine as I whispered your name ; Your answer, unspoken, was cruel to bear, And I left you in silence ah ! was I to blame ? Clever, because completely unanswerable. Nothing to lay hold of, but effect all the same, viz., ' he left me in silence" explanation might have been too definitive. And now it's all over : I know 'tis too late, And I know ere we meet that 'twill be but to part ; But grant me one sign, for this pain 'twill abate If it come from your lips, from your hand, from your heart. A thoroughly Jesuitical verse, suggestive of the gentleman who said " I go," and went not. Note the artful italics in the fourth line. 52 "MES AMOURS." If only you'll tell me that thus you will be, Ever silent perhaps, yet in silence the same ; If my soul turns in mute adoration to Thee, If I love you in silence ah ! am I to blame ? After writing this go ! Don't wait to be told. The prevision of the second line saves a world of trouble. AFTER-THOUGHT. A most useful poem, and adaptable to nearly every stage of a toquade. It also has the supreme advantage that it may be sent even after the lapse of years, and in expla nation of innumerable infidelities. EROTIC CHESTNUTS. NOTE. This was written me just as this volume was going to press, by a friend who looked over some of the MSS., and to whom I remarked on the sameness of their expressions. He was touched at a sore point evidently, for he sat down and wrote me the following, under the above title. You tell me all men say the same Mendacious things when they adore ! They do. If so, you ought to lay the blame On all these men who've loved before : There'd be plenty to go round. For surely you've no right to scold Me when I say that " Only you Have understood me " if it's old, A male version of ihefenzme incompxise fiction. It need not therefore be untrue ! Not necessarily. And when I say that " 2 unbend Alone for you, and show myself, This is almost eh ? What ? You need not cease to be my friend Because 'twas said by some poor elf It was. Who doubtless also said what I Say now to you, that "Any day I'd gladly lay me down and die If you should find me in your way ! " Vide AFTER-THOUGHT on p. 28. And possibly e'en you've denied The truth of statements such as this : I have. 54 "MES AMOURS." I'm only happy by your side ! " This would be all right if one never saw them with anyone else. And " Loving you is simply bliss ! " A veritable marron glact. "Tis possible these have been said By men flirtatious, bad, and bold, They have. But, oh ! I trust you'll not be led To doubt them now because they're old ! Envoy. Now listen to me, and henceforward be wise : " 1 never have loved any woman but you " Was remarked by Pere Adam in Paradise, Since when as a statement it's been untrue ! AFTER-THOUGHT. " None but the brave deserve the fair," and this man deserves anything even immortalization as one of " Mes Amours," though a frivolous and irreverent one. MY OWN. A CONSOLATION. NOTE. Oh ! why, when my inmost soul yearns for the harmony of graceful, flowing rhythm, will my pen only jingle the monotone of rhyme ? My spirit prays for Pegasus, and is confronted by the Rhyming dictionary : Heart, part, start, dart, tart, smart ; love, dove, glove ; stove, move, prove ; and so on. My rhymes remind me of the maddening musician mercilessly miscalled, who thinks, because with the forefinger of the right hand he can pick out a tune in the treble, "The claims of concomitant bass ! Have nothing to do with the case, Tra-la ! " and so continues till, to the educated ear, agony reaches the end of the gamut in consecutive fifths and octaves, and desperation supervenes. Thus, for instance : DEATH and I walk side by side, He the Bridegroom, I the bride ; He whom I've so oft defied Will no longer be denied ; Whilst between us, yawning wide, Lies a Gulf a rushing tide Of a Fear I dare not hide : Dismal Fate, to be allied To a Spectre who must guide Evermore my every Stride. \Change of rhyme, thank heaven /] Many in Health still share my Fate : Soul bound to Soul, in Bonds of Hate ; Life linked to Life, not Mate to Mate ; Their Chaunt eternal, " Too late ! Too late ! " [Once more ; thank you /] 58 "MES AMOURS." I'd sooner my grisly Bridegroom keep, Than change with lives like this, all Strife ; For I, too, have known what it is to weep, In my Soul, at the sound of the words " My wife." AFTER-THOUGHT. Why should an initial error trammel one within the sordid boundaries of similarity of metre? Bards, let us not be slaves ! Let us, like the ostrich, stop our ears to criti cism, and do as seemeth, not best, but easiest to us ! Also N.B.: Without the Capitals this Poem would be nowhere ! A WORD OF INTERPOLATED APOLOGY. THE following two poems (pardon rhymes ! ) were written after reading a volume entitled "Passionate Poems." I had fallen in love, and with me the divine disease of Eros lasts, as a rule let us be accurate about six hours and three-quar ters ; and being, as a natural consequence, full of fervid frenzy, it occurred to me that the sacred fire had entered into my breast (I believe that is the point it usually attacks). I was deliberate, as a poet should be, with my preparations. I thought that if I could mix up the words " Love," " Hell," " Desire," "Hate," "Soul," "God," "Love-drouth," and " Limbs" all with capital letters \vide preceding specimen] together with my own yearning agony, I, too, might make happy homes desolate and uncomfortable. In the throes of this particular passion, which lasted close on seven hours, I " threw off " I believe that is the expression sacred to dogs and doggerel the following, and sent them per messenger- boy to the Object in the early morning, hoping he had slept well, and that after his night's rest he would be strong enough to bear the shock. I am not altogether " satisfied with their manner," but " there's a deal of pleasure " in stringing them together. MY QUESTION. NOTE. I forgot to say that this Object was the Oriental who always called me Mahmoure Vide p. 22. I WONDER if when I am dead and cold, My Spirit can visit this Earth again ? If so, I will come when the night is old, And tap, and tap, at your window-pane. I wonder if you will consider it odd That Mahmoure's spirit should wander So far from its home in the land of God, Which is yonder, far distant yonder ? I wonder if you will expect me, dear, In the soft gray chill of that early morn ; I wonder if you will reject me, dear, And turn me away for some love new-born ? AFTER-THOUGHT. The Object told me this was not up to my usual standard of idiotcy. but that I had cribbed it from " Violet Fane." I hadn't. I swear, but I felt so flattered that I wrote a lot more. If I have cribbed unconsciously, I trust that the beautiful poetess will forgive me, and feel gratified at receiving my drop of flattery to swell the ocean of adulation in which she floats in her everlasting youth. HIS CONFESSOR. NOTE. This was written to re-assure a. boy who had confessed to me some of the crimes of his fevered youth, and then was stricken with fear lest he should have hurt my feelings and driven me away. Now, she said, let me confess you : Pour from your heart all its woe ; Speak, and let no fear possess you Half of your sorrow I know. Always a safe thing to say, and very encouraging to a juvenile adorer. Come, place your head on my breast, love, Here, take my hand in your own ; Tell me you feel more at rest, love Tell me your sorrow has flown. The conceit of it is lovely, even to myself ! Silent ? Why, what do you fear, love, That your story might drive me away ? Not God himself do you hear, love ? Could take me, if you said " Stay ! " This is a good breezy statement, calculated to kill on sight. If you an nounce the perpetration of an impossibility, let it be a good one, or the psychological effect is nowhere. AFTER-THOUGHT. The statement contained in the NOTE is not la veriti vraie, but la verite imaginaire. The rhymes were written after reading a romance called, if I remember rightly, " The Suicide of Sylvester Gray," which impressed me a little at the time. Still, there was a lurking intention to convey an idea of the illimitable love which I might be capable of under proper treatment. Vide note on manufacture of chains, p. 37. A FRAGMENT. NOTE. This title has always struck me as ingenious, like " From the Choctavv " or "A Thought at Seringapatam." It absolutely covers the ground, and is an excuse for a doggerel of which you don't know the meaning yourself, and can safely defy other people to discern. It also has the inestimable advantage of allowing the bard to leave off at any moment when the dif ficulty of the subject becomes a burden. Therefore, the Blessings of a Bard (for what they are worth) on the inventor of "A Fragment ! " Do I wish we'd never met ? Do I wish I could forget ? As I ask, mine eyes grow wet With a dew of sweet regret ; For your eyes are wondrous fine, And they looked straight into mine, With agaze that was divine [And deceptive]. And they said, "I love you well, Better far than I can tell, For your love my soul I'd sell ! [You're so receptive.] For you listen to my woes As I sit here, at your toes, Clad in such bevvild'ring hose, Till I think of autre-choses ; Then I sink upon my knees By your side, by slow degrees, And lay my head here if you please ? [I'm not expective.] A FRAGMENT. 63 I will treasure every sigh That you breathe when I am nigh, And you know for them I'd die.'' [I'm so collective.] Still, the question will arise [Very much to my surprise, For I'm quoted, oh ! so wise And so clever for my size], Do I wish we'd never met ? Do I wish I could forget ? And my soul replies, " Not yet ; Till we part Let us yet enjoy the thrill Of this pleasure madd'ning still, Let me give you all you will Of my heart. Let that heart to yours be near, Let me stifle all my fear Of that future time so drear, When you've left me lonely, dear. Don't remind me of the debt I must pay, while you beget Other loves but oh ! not yet, Not yet awhile ! For my heart with hunger cries, Craves the food your hand denies Would you like a few more lies, By the mile ? " AFTER-THOUGHT. This Fragment was my first offence, and was written the day after my " seven-hour passion" had announced his intention of striking camp and going " farther on." (I don't remember if he carried out his intention I'll ask him.) Really that extra fifteen min utes has much to answer for. Oh, sympathy ! ! ! Oh, Plato ! ! ! you've more to answer for than Eros. THE TRAGEDY. NOTE. I started out on this poem firmly believing myself to be befriended by the Tragic Muse. Alas ! I was mistaken. I presume that I had some idea in my head when I started this lucubration I will not do myself the injustice of believing otherwise but that idea inge niously evaded me at an early stage of the game. However, guessing, as a holiday pastime, is salubrious ; maybe some good friend will guess for me. HE came to my room in the dead of night, And all around was so still ; My heart palpitated in ghastly plight I knew. he would have his will. I wondered at first was I certain quite, Did I dream, or was I ill, When a full, soft ray of the moon's pale light Streamed over my window-sill ? His terrible eyes had a look so bright That I feigned to lie asleep. He murmured, rather than spoke, " I am right, I am right ! my vow I'll keep. So you thought you could hide by taking flight Whilst I was out on the deep, And you doubtless jeered at my wretched plight ; But now it's your turn to weep. So it is for the man who betrayed me As he sowed, so shall he reap ; Very nearly his debt is repaid me, As close to your bed I creep." THE TRAGEDY. 65 He spoke very low, yet the words meant Death As plainly as tho' 'twere outcried ; And nearer he crept, till I felt his breath On my cheek, then all hope died. For I knew I had naught to say That could purchase my Fate's delay ; There was nothing to do but pray That salvation might come my way. Should I beg him his hand to stay ? No ! I knew he would say me nay. So in horror I trembling lay 'Neath those eyes of glittering gray. He raised his hand, and the terrible steel Shone clear in the moon's pale beam ; The plunge of the blade I began to feel, Then I uttered a piercing scream. Again, again I shrieked, till waking, I found a picture I held was breaking, And pieces of glass Were scattered, alas ! All over the bed, From the foot to the head, And my fingers were red With the gore that was shed In that terrible fight, In the dead of the night, With a ghost of my own home-making. 5 66 "MES AMOURS." Moral. Gentle reader, take warning by me, and beware ! Never take to your bed any dangerous toys, Such as pictures (for instance) of good-looking boys ; Or, at least, if you must, take the glass from the frame, Or you run a fair risk of just doing the same As I did and then have a bad nightmare. For, if you refrain from removing the glass, And lie on the picture, you'll find it disas- Trous to nerves, and have a bad nightmare. Better still, if you'd flee from this mare of the night, I'd suggest circumspection qua supper ; Then read something light, Effervescing and bright, Such as Browning, or Spencer, or Tupper. AFTER-THOUGHT. In confidence I will admit that, notwithstanding pretended humility in my inmost heart, I believed I had at last found the material for a great and serious epic. It is needless to say how soon I became conscious of my fatal infatuation. Luckily, when I reached the part where the gentleman should have done something tragic and I could not think what to make him do, though I kept his hand up till he must have been quite exhausted I suddenly remembered my Ingoldsby (bless him !) and rescued myself a la. Fragment. P. S. Nothing but the despairing application of my publisher for more " copy " could have induced me to inflict this on my reader. TO UNACTED AUTHORS. NOVEMBER 28, 1887. Having been fortunate enough to have sold my play " Fashion," to the lessees of Wallack's Theatre, it may be that a few remarks on the subject of launching a play will not be considered superfluous by those interested in dramatic authorship. If I am looked upon as lucky in having secured such a production for my first effort, let it not be supposed that the advantage was obtained without the expenditure of vast ingenuity. Four years of weary disappointment formed the prelimi nary stage. Finally, broken down in health, nay, on the verge of the grave, I at last induced our much-respected manager, Mr. C , to read my play. In the preceding two years he had got through two acts an act a year. During the third year he read the third act, expressed much admiration, and desired me to send the remainder at once. I did, but Drama- tophobia had set in, and no power could induce the poor gentleman to approach acts four and five. It was then, and not till then, that I brought to bear that merciless treatment which should never be resorted to but in extreme cases. There are a variety of means employed to obtain a hearing. A few hints from my own experience will not, I trust, be con sidered to use the language of the XXXIX. articles super erogatory. My remarks will be brief, if my words are long. I do not propose to dissertate upon the many ^successful means, but will dispose of them all by saying, "The club is no longer used." I place my method before the reader in the 68 "MES AMOURS." hope it may prove of service to those struggling genii whose efforts would doubtless conduce to fame but for the effete and turgid-minded manager. What England is to the op pressed Irish, what America is to that gentle, ill-used product of an alien soil the Anarchist, so is the manager to the un acted dramatist ! My method, as shown in the annexed lines with the accom panying newspaper-paragraph is infallible, for the reason that, as in certain physical diseases, heroic treatment is neces sary ; so, I take it, the mental condition of the manager must be dealt with no gentle measures, such as leaving MSS. at the door. The manager must be attacked when he is weak, help less, alone. No quarter should be given to this despotic ty rant, who so frequently insists on managing his own business, and purchasing only that which to him seems best, to the det riment, if not the suppression, of the rising dramatist. This desire on the part of the manager to use his own dis cretion should be met at the outset by the most virulent oppo sition. It is a base, sordid, pernicious abuse of power, which must not be tolerated, interfering, as it does, with the rights of the working author. Therefore, I say, engage not with these vicious animals managers in kindly, courtly warfare, but strike boldly! strike, as I said before, not with the club, but with the more deadly, insidious poison, as prescribed, which has the advantage of killing on sight or obtaining a hearing. What I mean is that after all these years of unavailing effort, I sent him the fol lowing amazing production. D. C. NOTE. The following verses brought to a triumphant denouement the variegated diplomacy of years. They recount with the progressive detail of the English " Blue book," or " Congres sional Record" the stages which led to the dramatic coup d'etat of last May. List, O ye who would bow before a curtain in response to the call for " Author."' SAID D to C , my play you see, Upon the desk before you ; Said C to D , my misery Began the day I saw you. This, like most statements of fact, was uncivil, but incontrovertible. D. C. [Da Capo.] Said D to C , you'll soon be free, My work no more shall fret you ; D take the woman ! said poor C , I wish I'd never met you. He also said he'd have given a hundred dollars for me to have taken it to someone else. D. C. [Deuced Civil.] Then C sat down, with lurid frown, Which melted to a smile ; And as he read, resentment fled Before the siren's wile. After this, I took it away Ilfaut se faire valoir. Alas ! it returned to him stronger by two acts. D. C. [Do Come to it.] 70 "MES AMOURS." Poor C (they say), in blank dismay, Took up acts five and four ; He said, I'd say, I hate this play, But I like it more and more. This was nice, if it was only said because I was a "picturesque ruin,' in the matter of health. D. C. [Distinctly Complimentary.] Said C , I'm gay! I've read your play, And very good I find it ; The best I've seen for years I ween, And I guess there's cash behind it. Historians tell us that after this he went to a place called the "Hoff man House " and " stood things." D. C. [Dollars Continually.] To C , D cried, I'm gratified, To think you're pleased, dear friend ; And C replied, I'm satisfied Your trouble's at an end. This was on the principle, one for you and two for me. D. C. [Don't Congratulate yourself.] In this MS. there's great success, Be patient as you've been ; I trust bad health, with all this wealth, Will vanish from the scene. So did I. D. C. [Dolly Coincided.] AFTER-THOUGHT [in doggerel this time] . You're free you see, said D to C To try before you buy it ; D. C. 71 I will, said C , if o'er the sea, No English critics guy it. A dying man clutches at a straw. D. C. [Devilish Cautious.] Moral. The weasel cannot be caught asleep, says the natural his torian, but I once heard of an animal of this kind that kept his eyes so wide open that he got dust thrown into them. TRAGIC DEATH. At four o'clock yesterday, the popular manager, Mr. C , was found dead in his office. Assistance was summoned ; an autopsy was about to be held, when the Coroner discovered the above epic poem clasped in the dead man's hand. On examination, the Coroner said no further inquest was necessary. Death must have been instantaneous. The jury added a rider to their verdict, expressing a hope that the Legislature would be shortly petitioned to take steps to protect defenceless managers and editors from the ravages of the rabid insect whether indigenous or imported known to science as Scriblerii incipientes. POSTSCRIPT. IF for a moment I madly believed That /could write verse, my mind is relieved Of doubt on that score; But of nonsense like this, if I only had time, And hadn't to bow to th' exigence of rhyme, I could write volumes more. S. D., Regretfully. AU REVOIR. WITHOUT wishing to render my apologies wearisome by repetition, I must, in justice to myself, make one last effort. Those who only know me through the medium of this little book could scarcely help thinking me heartless, cruel, and unable to appreciate the sentiment I have been happy enough to inspire. This is not so. No girl has treasured her first love-letter with greater tenderness than have I my verses. They have many a time consoled me for some fancied slight, or for one of the many disappointments of my profession. I am not ashamed to say I have loved them better than jewels (perhaps it is lucky for me I did). Those who know me will understand that, in making a joke of the verses sent me, I do so in no spirit of raillery, but because I cannot help laughing at the most serious subjects in life ; and it is because I believe many persons will sympathize and laugh with me at least, I hope so that I have made this little book. SELINA DOLARO. UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY This book is DUE on the last date stamped below Form L-9 20m-l, '42(8519) UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES LIBRARY PS 1545 Dolaro - D29m tt Mes amours" 1888 PS 1545 D29m 1888