L E V I O R A. L E V I O R A; BEING THE RHYMES OF A SUCCESSFUL COMPETITOR. BY THOMAS FRANK BIGNOLD, B.A., Late Srholar of Cains College, Cambrids^e ; And of Her Majesty's Be?igal Civil Seri'ice. C a I c u 1 1 ii : TH ACKER, SPINK AND CO., London : W. TRACKER & CO. 1888. To The Honourable SIR AUGUSTUS RIVERS THOMPSON, K.C.S.I., CLE., LIEUTENANT - GOVERNOR OF BENGAL, WHOSE NAME IS A PROVERB AMONG US FOR HONOUR, WISDOM, AND KINDNESS TO HIS SUBORDINATES, THESE RHYMES ARE, BY PERMISSION, MOST RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED BY HIS OLD SERVANT, THE WRITER. Lakenham, Long Bay, " Tasmania." 861844 CONTENTS, The Successful Competition Nos. I to III The Rising Man Our Peers ... The Burglar's Fate Tripos Verses Notes in a Cambridge Lecture Room The Song of the School The Water-Fiend The Bachelors' Picnic The Holiday Song Presence of Mind Wedding-day Verses Ye Stout Mountaineer . Old Chittagong Swimming With My Gun A Shipwreck on Shore Tamboobash (Bengali) Adieu The Bagged Jackal Twenty o'clock Acrostic to a Lady Answer to Jeannie To M. Ff.-:NL, Banyau Lodge A Fanfaronade A Burst of Song Oft Venice ... Epigram — In Curolum Dubium Tichbornum .. Fraus Pia ... Similia Similibus The Unfortunate Nobleman Pa(;e. 1-18 19 22 34 47 52 54 56 58 65 74 75 76 77 78 80 83 84 85 90 91 92 94 94 96 96 98 lOI 102 102 102 103 viii Contents. Pace. Tu a Laiiy wiih Short Hair ... ... ... ... 103 Like to Like ... ... ••• ••• ••. 103 Actus Curix ... ... ..- • . ••• 104 University Schohirships ... ... ... ... 105 Fancy Dress ... ... •■. ... ... 105 To my Dau^jhter ... .. ... ... ... 105 Lines Written on the back of a Menu Card at Table D'llote ... 106 On an Engraving of the Reverend William Knibb, an Anti Slavery Reformer, Writing ... ... ... ... ... io6 On a Station in Lower Bengal ... ... ... ... 107 The Kilt ... ••• ... ... ... ... 107 At the Eden Gardens ... ... ... ... ... 107 Local Self-Government ... ... ... ... loS Steady Under Fire ... ... ... ... ... loS rromolion by Merit ... .-. ... ... ... 109 A Matrimonial Notice, " Smith— Armour." Epigram Thereon ... 109 On a Simla Scandal ... ... ... ... ... 109 Trifles ... .-. ... ■•• ... ... no Learned Counsel ... ... ... ... ... no Long Discourses ... ... ... ... ... m On a Metronome ... ... ... ... ... in Taking the Cue ... ... ... ... ... ni A Fact ... ••• ••. ••. ... ... n2 Dedicated to the Tent Club ... ... ... ... n2 Viro Doctissimo J. O. Grant ... ... ... ... 112 Pool ... ... ••• ... ... ... nj To R. II. Greaves, Esq., B.C. S. ... ... ... 113 The Amateur Printer ... ... ... ... ... \i^ A Boast ... ••• ■•• ... ... ... n4 Declaration under Act XXV of 1867 ... ... ... n4 Prologue to be spoken by Betsy Baker ... ... ... ns Epilogue to " Dearest Mamma " ... ... ... ... n6 to " Ici on Parle Francais " ... ... ... ng _ to " Boots at the Swan " ... ... ... 122 Prologue to "The Area Belle" ... ... ... 124 Epilogue to " Bombasles Furioso " ... .... ... 126 Charades ... ... ... ... ... 130 DECAriTATIONS ... ... •.. ... ... I34 Enigmas ... ... ... ... ... 136 Contents. ix Page. Double Acrostics ... ... ... ... ... 137 An Angler's Alphabet ... ... ... ... ... 139 An Alphabet of Birds ... ... ... ... ... 140 An Alphabet of Beasts ... ... ... ... 141 Jingles ... ... ... ... ... ... 142 Question: " Can you Rhyme Sampan?" ... ... ... 144 Translations FROM Horace AND Martial ... 146—163 Translations into Latin ... ... ... 164—178 The Artist ... ... ... ... ... ... 164 Ad Pictorem ... . ... ... ... ... 165 The Night is Still ... ... ... ... ... 172 Omnia vincit amor; Quin tu quoque cedis amori ... ... 173 The Bellman's Speech ... ... ... ... ... I74 Tinnitoris Oratio ... ... ... •-. ••. I75 From " Lycidas " ... ... ... ... ... 178 From " The Princess " ... ... ... ... 178 From The French of Victor Hugo ... ... ... iSo Translations from the German ... ... ... 181 Songs of a Wanderer ... ... ... ... 182 A Heavy Heart ... ... ... ... ••• 184 Lorelei ... ... ... ... ••■ .•• 1S5 A Song of Love ... ... ... .•• ••• iSG The Fisher Maiden ... ... ... ... ••• 187 The Two Chambers ... ... ... ... ..• 188 Spring Song ... ... ... ••. ••• 189 The Silver Sea ... ... ... ... •■• 189 Shell Snails and Snail Shells ... ... ... ••. 190 A Wanderer's Night Song ... ... ... •.■ 191 A Figure... ... ... ... ... ••. 191 The Rose Bud in the Heather ... ... ... ... 192 A little Song in Praise of Women ... ... ... 193 Even Song ... ... ... ... ... 194 Slumber Song ... ... ... ... ... 195 Song "of Thee" ... ... ... ... ... I9(5 Memories of THE Nursery ... ... ... ... 19S Graviora Qucedam ... ... ... ... ... 204 Liberty ... ... ... ... ... ... 204 Sonnets on Vexed Questions ... ... ••. ■•• 205 CORRIGENDUM, r.igc 95, Liae M,/^'' 'Iligicland' read 'Ilicland '(as in 'Iliclandcr,' p, 107.) \It is due to the Author's memory to state that not more than half of these pages have had the benefit of his final revisic'i. Mr. Bignold died in Melbourne while the latter half of his bock zvas still in the Press in Calcutta. F. f. r:\ THE SUCCESSFUL COMPETITOR. No. I. 1863. ^1 *' Facit indignatio versum." Jiiv. Sat. i. 65. H ! for the palmy days, the days of old ! When Writers revelled in barbaric gold ; When each auspicious smile secured a gem From Merchant's store or Raja's diadem ; When 'neath the pankha frill the Court reclined, When 'Amlah wrote and Judges only signed ; Or, lordlier still, beneath a virgin space Inscribed their names and hied them to the chase ! Chained to the desk, the worn Civilian now Clears his parched throat and wipes his weary brow Bound by his oath at every boor's behest To hear, examine, sift, record, attest, Recite the whole in dialect uncouth, And dive in wells of perjury for truth ! Toil as he mav, his guerdon is the same — The scantest praise, the largest meed of blame. Acquit ? And brave the Superintendent's curse ? Convict ? To see a dubious Judge reverse ? The Successful Competitor. Commit? An Aryan jur\- will i^^norc ; For docs not Kali gloat on human gore ? What tho' Assessors fail to fnul a flaw, And trust the Judge alike for facts and law ; Tho' link in link of evidence appear — Proof piled on proof make clearer and more clear The prisoner's guilt — the bland High Court shines out More skilled than Eldon in the art of doubt ; And as the German limner sought to find Within the hidden chambers of his mind A Camel — so the Court expects to trace In past experience every present case ; 'Twixt right and wrong an even balance keeps, The prisoner is released — and Justice weeps. (Ye powers ! I trust the freedom of my pen Is covered by Exceptions One to Ten.) Who shall suffice by instinct or by tact To thread the mazes of the Squatter's Act, Enforcing mushroom rights with jealous care, Yet guarding pauper landlords from despair? Neglect " demand," and overlook " supply," Gaze on pure equity u ith heavenlit eye. And without line or plummet, rule or square, Evolve the only rent precisely " fair." The Successful Competitor. Who shall suffice his anger to restrain When daily, hourly, called on to explain : *' Explain why this was entered, that omitted, " Why A was flogged, and B and C acquitted. " Since no efficient officer will fail " In close attention to minute detail, " Note whence this shameful error of three pai, *' And why Ram Chandra did not dot an ' i ' ; " Whether he met with punishment condign, " And, if you fined him, when he paid the fine. " If not, why not ? Write, in three days at most, " (This first acknowledged by return of post) " Whether you think the principle should be " Applied to all who fail to cross a ' t '. " A figured statement carefully prepare " To show each prisoner's weight and daily fare ; " Kiss the Jail Code, and certify and swear." 'Tis not enough in this insatiate age That pleas and argument our cares engage ; 'Tis not enough the solid hours to waste Among conflicting precedents and paste : 'Tis not enough to watch the turning scale And check each ser of gunny in the Jail ; To penetrate the city's slums and sinks |. The S/iiYe'ss//// Cciiipititor. Concocting bye-laws subtler than the stinks ; O'er emigrants an angel-guard to keep, Harangue them on the clangers of the deep. Or temper gilded visions of Cachar, l^y painting jails and jungles as they are ; (Alas ! I watch the vanishing Rupee Worth but one-third the rice it used to be, And wish that Wood had been as frank with me !) 'Tis not enough — but how shall I pourtray The legion labours of a single day ? Is it for this that Granta bade me seek To mould Ben Jonson in Iambic Greek, Condense my prose, like Tacitus the terse, And rival Ovid's elegance in verse ? Cull roots with Donaldson, weigh words with Trench Read, write, and talk Italian, German, French ; Repair to town in pestilent July, W^ien dogs were rabid, and the Thames half dry, Abjuring bat and racket, oar and cue. To spend three weeks disgorging all I knew ? Alas ! my Muse, it boots not to complain ; Who shall restore a service on the wane ? No longer wooed by fame, or power, or pa\', Isis and Granta proudlj- turn awa}'. The Successful Competitor. Ho ! Tinkers, come, and Tailors, share the feast ! I bid you welcome to the gorgeous East ! My die is cast. I can but vent my spleen, And yield me victim to my fate — Routine. THE SUCCESSFUL COMPETITOR. No. n. 1871. " Hoc agite, O juvenes, circumspicit et stimulat vos Materiemque sibi ducis intolerantia quserit. " Juv. Sat. vii. 21. :/^ H palmy days of old ! Oh glorious past ! '^^ Long years have circled since I sang thee last ; Long years of exile on an alien soil, Where weeks of fever temper months of toil ; And still I mourn the land, to woes a prey. Where tape accumulates, and men decay. (Not mine the ]\Iuse Observant* that defames In disenvowelling illustrious names. Who steals my style, steals gold ; but he who bends His parod powers to rob me of my friends * My friend Heeley wrote me, that he had successfully imitated my style in some lines in the " Indian Observer," and that the Secretaries satirised set me down as the culprit. So I took this opportunity of shifting the saddle. 6 The Sitccessfnl Coiitpctitor. Shall sec his subtlest subtcrfufjes fail, Himself inspected in his safest Jail.) I mourn the rule the Maf^istratc of yore, A fosterinf^ despot o'er his people bore ; He reigned supreme within his little State, His smile shed honour, and his frown was fate. Prompt with the rifle, niggard of the pen, By manly deeds he won the hearts of men ; Mis watchful eye each rival chieftain viewed. And oftencr calmed than curbed the rising feud. He knew the intense devotion that reveres Each usage hallowed by a thousand years ; Nor sought to substitute with ruthless hand The alien systems of a distant land. Friend of the people, in their midst he moved, To all familiar and by all beloved ; And those who gathered prattling where he came, Grey-headed now, still gossip of his name. Oh honoured Yule ! I would I were like thee. Dispensing justice 'ncath a sheltering tree ; And, guided less by training than by tact, Could pounce unerring on the trail of fact ; For in those days — 'tis long ago, my friend, — Law was the means, and justice was the end ; TJie Sttccessful Competitor. Now Rhadamanthus revels in a flaw, And wreaks injustice while he teaches law. Woe to the tyro whose too generous zeal 3etrays a human tendency to feel ; '"orgets to sit in apathy sublime, ind stoops to ferret out and punish crime. Vhat, if in spite of a parotid gland, "he noblest impulse urge the hasty hand ? Vhat, if in verity the eager youth le seeking, not a victim, but the truth ? Lebuke awaits his action indiscreet, Lnd sends him growling from his wonted seat. Can the late masters of forensic art iigh for the strife in which they bore a part, 5id Themis bear her lot with equal mind, Contented still to listen and be blind : L,est if she once apply the healing salve tier eyes should open and the bar should starve. Cursing the bills which brilliant Stephen draws. Gems of pure logic set in lucid laws ? I cannot tell ; 'tis not for such as I To cavil at a Court enthroned on high ; I can but pray, as Talleyrand before. That youthful zeal imperil me no more 8 TJie Successful Competitor. Thus far I wrote. My ink has hardly dried, When, true to nature, flows the ebbing tide, For all things move in cycles ; and a man, A sinewy chieftain from a sinewy clan, Bids slaves of system leave the faineant throne, And learn that fortune waits on force alone. Up, little Judges ! Crime is on the wind ! Fame is in front, and censure lurks behind ; The laziest of the litter-loving host Must lose his leather, or resign his post ; Then cry, " A horse ! my Norton for a horse ! " Mount, seek the curdling gore, the stiffening corse, Press the pale culprit in his first remorse ; Pounce on the quarry ere the scent be cold ! Strancfle the lie before the lie be told ! Then, swift remounting, to your law courts scour — To smile on suitors at the usual hour. For the good Magistrate, our Rulers say, Decides all night, investigates all day ; The crack Collector, man of equal might, Reports all day, and corresponds all night. Oh, could I raise my fascinated eyes From Salt, Stamps, Cesses, Income-Tax, Excise, Or quit the bench, and loose my courser's rein. The Successful Competitor. To scour observant o'er the teeming plain, Could I, with Janus, boast a double face Incongruous scenes alternately to grace, To twin tribunals twin delights afford, Please the High Court, and gratify the Board — Then all were well ; and I might touch the goal, A square, round, man within a round, square, hole. Then shall I leave the bench ? And duty's track? Methinks a resolution calls me back, And I make bold to quote it ; so, here goes — Forgive me, reader, if it runs like prose. . " The Court has checked with deep concern " A recent quarterly return, " And sighs to notice that of late " Each chief presiding Magistrate " Has let his meaner duties trench " Upon the labours of the bench " Till darkest crimes and knottiest points " Are handled by mere acting Joints. " What wonder then if wrong prevails, " When striplings hold the trembling scales ; " What wonder that convictions show " A rate unfavourably low ? " For know, the Court prescribes a test lO The Successful Cotiipctitor. " At once the simplest and the best ; " And bids its Magisterial staff " Convict nor more nor less than half. " What boots it that the Court enlarge '■ The fair proportions of the charge, " Exception and proviso twine " Wheel within wheel and line on line, "Trim, twist, and tinker, prune and polish, " And then as eagerly demolish, " If all these pearls of special knowledge " Be lost on youngsters fresh from college ? " I must take up some cases : mine the care To mend the general average, yet be fair ; For those on High will hardly deign to know The harmless arts which flourish here below. Ho ! Minions, bring me fifty chaukidars. Whose beats deserted to the midnight stars Cry out for vengeance, and a trifling fine Shall meet the justice of their case — and mine. Thus, having earned a temporary peace, I turn to count the donkc\'s and the geese. The calves and camels that my district yields, The twice-cropped product of a million fields. The market-value of exotic grain, The Successful Coiiipctitor. 1 1 The miles of railway on a roadless plain, And then, their mythic character confessed. Try fancy figures by a faulty test, And prove at last, with philosophic pomp, How State canals might irrigate a swamp ! Who cares for calves and camels ? Halt, my pen, The noblest study of mankind is men : Lay tests and tables on the groaning shelf, And show how History repeats herself. In vain did Joab seek his monarch's side, In courtly converse deprecate his pride, Urging the scanty shekels as he spoke. He might delay, he could not ward the stroke ; Through the scared land the royal mandate ran From Tahtim-hodshi even unto Dan. Thus, in our days, the captains of the host Frown on the scheme, and Temple counts the cost. 'Tis all in vain : the bitter blow must fall On every area-unit of Bengal. Meanwhile the peasant in his mud-built shed Consults his priest, and sways his puzzled head ; Fears, lest a sacrifice at Kali's shrine. He lure back traffic to East India's line ; 2 Till' Sitcit'ssfitl Coi/i/'t-ti/or. Fears, lest his daughters prove the Prussian's prize, His sons wed widows of our slain allies ; His babies bleed beneath a liishop 's knife, A plump thank-offering for our Prince's life ! I'^ore-warncd, fc^re-armed, he takes his sable brood, P^ lees from his area-unit to the wood. Or, wiser still, bu}-s of the hireling scribe A decad's safety for a modest bribe. Or shall I turn to supervise Police, Bid D forms perish and deception cease ; A many-sided Superintendent train To hold a brief, and purify a drain ? I have no hands ! my only hands, my tools. One-third are knaves, another third are fools ; My tools are blunt, or but for evil keen, And my hands' hands not scrupulously clean. Reams could I fill, and yet material find In the quaint freaks and foibles of my kind ; Reams could I fill, but wiser I refrain To rest a lustrum ere I growl again. THE SUCCESSFUL COMPETITOR. No. III. 1872 to 1884. " Difficile est Satiram non scriliere." Jiiv. Sat. i. 28. f^niO rest a lustrum ! I have kept my vow, "^"^ 'Twere less than human to be silent now ; For topics teem, since George at Belvedere Thrust a full lustrum into every year ; Himself, and we his panting- galley-slaves Each year a lustrum nearer to our graves. Sworn foe to peace, intolerant of rest His crew despairing and his bark distressed, His boilers bursting and his timbers strained, He sought some haven, sought, but never gained. Wasted in frame, weary and worn in mind (Bengal ungrateful, India less than kind,) He heard his leech pronounce it death to stay. Then bowed to Fate, and sadly moved awa}'. Him nimble Dick relieving took his stand, With foot elastic and prehensile hand, (For Dick could ride in one revolving moon On horse, cart, camel, railway, and balloon ; 14 rJic Successful Competitor. And fearing lest his candidature fail Could hurry Worcester-ward and beat the Mail,) " llo ! knaves," he cried, " 1 love the breeze abaft," And then he eased and stopped, and tacked the craft. Yet may we own, our flutterini,^ breath rcLjained, That not in vain had honest Campbell reigned ; He found us slow, self-satisfied, serene. The tape-tied captives of a set routine ; Then, as a gale beneficently harsh Drives the dense vapours from a tree-girt marsh, So Campbell's spirit swept the districts o'er And left his prefects stronger than before. And nimble Dick ? From other lands he came Resembling sturd)- Palmerston — in name ; A portent he in hero-worship's line, Himself adorer, prophet, priest, and shrine ; And who can better an ovation claim Than he whose proper hands prepare the same ? For when the Rajas gathered from afar To meet our Royal Prince in full darbar, Dick's ready wit dealt promptl)' with the case ; II is men-at-alms be seated on a dais. And cried, " Behold these famine heroes shine ; " If such be these men's glor)-, think of mine ! TJie Successful Competitor. 1 5 " This happy day I feel with graceful pride " I and your Prince your loyalty divide ! " Lament, O Muse, the inexorable day That dawned on Temple's transit to Bombay ! The poet loses what the public gain, And Satire starves when such as Eden reign. By nature strong and resolute and cool He knew the region he was called to rule ; The arts of peace his fostering hand confessed, The people flourished and the land had rest. Praise where ye must, be silent where ye can ; Extol the chief, nor cavil at the'man. Him, ere the reins to other hands be cast, One blaze of triumph greeted where he passed ; And all in one loud chorus joined to tell How Eden ruled, how justly and how well ! And Rivers Thompson ? able, v/ise, sincere. He fears his God and knows no meaner fear ; Loves Honour more than honours ; so men say Who marked him on a memorable day. Rise from a bed of pain and gird him for the fray. At Duty's call he came, to combat still The last pale phantom of a Protean Bill. I envy not the courtiers who could trace 16 'I'lu- Siiirrssf'iil L'i>»//<,-fifor. That t^allant heart beneath that aslu-n face. On \'iituc gaze,* and gazing turn aside To choose self-interest as a surer guide. No, nor I praise not those whose anxious eyes Sought peace in some incongruous compromise ; Bade will warp wit, and fashioned thence for fear A screw for lifting conscience out of gear ; Then aired opinions painfully opined, And reasoned reasons impotent to blind Nor least transparent to the reasoner's mind. Not such is he wlio, strong beneath the weight Of this his all too vast Proconsulate, Now wields his local sceptre as of yore He drove the ball and plied the feathering oar ; When shall he add, ye fatuous powers that arc, The radiance all men miss to India's star ?-f- For thc\' be less than men whose ribald Press Lives by reviling all that good men bless ; And let the owner of some honoured name Go right, go left, defames him all the same. They taunted him who ailing could endure * Virtutem vicleant intabescant ([uc rclicta. — Pcrs. i/'i, 38. t Rejoice, my Muse ! tliy line is olisolete ; The wrony; is riglUeil, and llie Star complete. TJie Sitccessfnl Coifipetitor. 17 With holding, save the mark ! a sinecure ; Though he the while was meting out his time To toils too great for most men in their prime. O for the grasp of Lytton's mailed hand To stay the sale of poison through the land ; Nor let sedition sow its deadly seed And teach the taste that panders to its greed. Turn we to Garth, in whom we all admire The sturdy frankness of a genial Squire ; Since Will now rules where Wisdom reigned of yore Garth has no seat where Peacock sat before ; Yet holds he brief in common sense's cause Against the motley group who frame our laws ; And earns the sobriquet conferred in slight — The ' London Lawyer' pleading for the right ! Nor fails in grave rebuke of their misdeed Who craving counsel — which they sorely need — Obtain and cavil, carp and take no heed. But what of those who in a loftier place Would force ambition on a subject race ? Methinks a parable will meet the case. A Fairy once with mischievous intent A new Head Master down to Rugby sent ; A kindly man enough, and one who strove, B 1 8 The Successful Competitor. As few men strive, to win his scholars' love ; Alas ! the pity of the thing was this That all he tlitl was somehow clone amiss. " School for the Schoolboys," ever was his cry ; (So other men have said, and so say I, But much — and Gladstone will support me there — Turns on the mcaninc^ that our words may bear.) He taught — and thereby edified the school — The right di\inc of every boy to rule ; Ordained — for thus would freedom spread the faster- That every class should meet without a master ; And, last and best, prospectively ordained That Senior boys might have the masters CANED. The boN's were jubilant ! But strange to sa\' The masters all preferred the older wa}^ ; And raised such pother on this trifling cause The new Head Master could not choose but pause. Paused, but too late ! The schoolbo}'s from that hour Were fiercely jealous of the masters' power. But for whose protest resolutely proffered The boys had gained the boon so freely offered ; While anger blazed in all the masters' eyes Who deemed each boy a master in disguise. The baffled Head, perceiving how things lay, Thf Rising Man. 19 Fled from the storm he'd stirred but could not stay, Bespoke a bishopric, and passed away. Ah, well ! I like the boys, I always did ; Most boys will swagger — if a Master bid ; Soon as the prime Perturber shall remove Events will course along the ancient groove. Then shall my Muse, in those less troublous times, In lighter topics deal and Service-rhymes ; Show how the lad who haply made a point And amber-glued the flies that teased the Joint — Who, grown a man, at Campbell's keen command Took gauze-net and collecting-box in hand And chased statistics fluttering through the land — Has yet some pins and poison to transfix The worries of a Judge in "66. THE RISING MAN, 1873. (.\|R — The Vicar of Bray.) When Hallida}' held merry sway, And fiddling was in fashion, My Stradiuarius I would play, For music was my passion ; 20 The Risiiisr Man £> Nor luishcd my string till Grant was king, And indigo unquiet ; Then boldly rushed into the ring, The champion of the ryot ! For this is law, that I'll maintain As ably as I can, sir. That whatsoever king shall reign, I'll be the rising man, sir. When Bcadon on the masnad sat, I shifted my position, Collecting sheep and oxen fat To grace his exhibition ; And when he broke the amlah's yoke, I felt the inspiration. And learned the brogue of every rogue Who filed an application. For this is law, &c. When Bcadon's day had passed away And Grey assumed his station. With pen in hand I took my stand On — The Higher Education. But now that lotteries arc put down, I cut my friends who gamble. TJie Rising Alan. And rush my puppy-dogs to drown And win a smile from Campbell. For this is law, &c. In framing rules for primary schools, In rural exploration, My active mind shall seek and find Congenial occupation. Then George shall be my king till he Shall seek St. Stephen's lobby ; When I shall feel an equal zeal For his successor's hobby ! For this is law, &c. P.S.— 1874. I hail (since Campbell must depart) Our British Bonapartist, And worship art with all my heart Myself a humble artist ; Forever, as my fertile pen Some fresh report composes, I catch awhile my master's style, And tint the whole with roses. For this is law, &c. 22 Our Peers. My facile eye can best descry That famine's still impciulinc^, And none but Dick throuc^h thin and thick Can steer us to its endini^. Transactions nice in Burmah rice, Colossal cash advances, Must needs demand the subtle hand That guided our finances. And this I do, and will maintain As ably as I can, sir, For whatsoever king shall reign, I'll be the rising man, sir. OUR PEKRS. 1 883. T. O Britons, to the rescue ! For the need is shar[) and sore ; The rights our sturdy fathers won Shall be our rights no more ! The)- thai be born of cowards May court a coward's fate ; Our Peers. 23 But will ye turn to slumber With danger at the gate ? II. No brave victorious army Has met us in fair fight ; No stranger of a stouter race Makes good the conqueror's right : The stronghold of our poorest Is true trial by his peers ; And our Captain yields the fortress We have held six hundred years ! III. But when the people heard it They gathered one and all, And raised aloft a mighty shout That shook the Viceroy's hall : ' Woe to the blinded statesman ' Who truckles to the base, 'And sets above the nobler ' The feebler, falser race. IV. ' Shoulder to shoulder, Britons ; • Be calm as ye are strong ; 24 Our Peers. ' Come, wc will pray our Viceroy : " Pause, ere thou do this wrons; ; " Pause, ere thou pluck up lic^htly " The tender plant of peace ; " Pause, ere thou rouse a spirit " Swift-surt^inc;, slow to cease ! " Pause, ere the fire shall kindle ! " Pause, ere the lump shall leaven ! " Hold ! ere thou mock the memories " Of eic^hteen-fifty-seven ! " ' V. Then, if his eyes be holden. And deaf his ears to hear, Tell him of fair girls slaughtered With their mothers strucrcrlinsr near • Of judges led to judgment, Mock-triallcd, hopeless, proud, With a halter for a sentence And the vultures for a shroud. VI. Tell him a base-born Indian Ts the lowest and the least ; Our Pt'crs. We might brook a Sikh or Sayyid, Brave Prince, or learned priest ; But the school-boy's trip to England Is a pitiful veneer ; And the fear of Brahma better Than to hold no God in fear. VII. Tell him each man among us Would lavish forth his life, The father for his daughter, The husband for his wife, Ere these pure Christian women To glut some menial's grudge, Stand in the dock, the alien's mock, Before an alien judge. VIII. Tell him, since Earth was peopled And Monarchs have borne sway, No hand has held so grand a trust t As that he holds to-day ; To whom has it been granted As unto him this hour, 26 Our Peers. To will the wealth of millions And wield a despot's power ? IX. What knows he of the present Who came but yesterday ? Mow shall he pledge the future Who to-morrow sails away ? Wherefore the chosen statesman On whom this charge is cast Must cease from sunset-visions, And scan the pregnant past. X. Then tell him how this teeming land A thousand years had lain, Swept by successive warrior-hordes And mourning for her slain ! Show how the strong and cruel And the weaker skilled to cheat Became the patchwork people That grovels at his feet. XI. How, in the ripened fullness Of time, at Heaven's behest, Our Peers. 27 Sailed from a storm-fanned island The traders of the West ! Sailed in mere quest of lucre, Yet fore-ordained they came, To break the chains of nations, And crown their country's fame ! XII. Till, as the Indian banyan, Sprung of a tiny grain, Shades with a blessed shelter A thousand yards of plain, Drops from each bough a rootlet, A column straight and staunch. And casts from each fresh column, A new and ampler branch ; XIII. So they, who came for lucre, Beneath the hand of God Stood forth as Kmgs and judges To rule the soil they trod ; Till truth and freedom lightened On a false and fettered land ; 28 Our Peers. And the little band of traders Held I'^nipire in its hand ! XIV. The fierce Mahratta barons Before tlicir prowess bowed The faineant Kin^js of Delhi, The warrior-sons of Oudh ; And each succecdinf^ conquest Claimed as its chiefest spoil To free the countless millions Who tilled their native soil. XV. Then as the peaceful triumph Rolled onward day by day Crimes that had cried to Heaven Passed silently away ; No more the Meriah victims At idol altars bled ; No more the widows clomb the pyres The living with the dead ; XVI. The poisoners ceased to poison And turned to peaceful Art ; Our Pt\'rs. The votaries' gore imbrued no more The Car of Jagannath ; No more the hook-strung zealots Swung high above the earth ; And if the Rajput dames still slay Their baby girls at birth, It is not that the rulers Are callous to the wrong ; This day the babes are counted And the curse is not for long. XVII. These be the fruits, great Viceroy, Of just a hundred years ; These be the men, good Ilbert, You offer us for peers ; The hawk in hood and jesses Was wild but yesterday. And can ye loose her skyward, Yet lure her off the prey ? XVIII. Great wrongs, and grandly righted. Are there no more to right ? 30 Our JWrs. Lies not the land in darkness Whose women see no h'i;"ht ? Sliall they be sons of freedom Whose mothers arc not free ? Of ])lamclcss truth, whose craven Nouth W^as nursed in subtill)? XIX. No frank and liapp)' i^irlhood The Indian maiden knows ; A chattel sold ere seven years old To a strange lord she goes ; And at an age when English girls Are roaming fancy-free, She sits a dwarfed woman With a bab}' at her knee. XX. 1)111 if llic wife be widowed — The child they call a wife — Long is the doom and deep the gloom That settles on her life ; In penance forced, and fasting. She marks each circling moon, Our Peers. 31 Till the life we saved from Sati Is a miserable boon ! XXI. Pure as the springs of justice The sons of Britain stand ; But can they hold their underlings From preying on the land ? The prize of every student Is a public trust to hold ; And the hope of many a prizeman To sell that trust for gold ! XXII. Shall they be peers of Britons Who hold a lie no shame ? Who reckon fraud as fair finesse, And only failure blame ? Hire witnesses for copper To filch a broad estate, Or turn the sword of justice To stab the man they hate ? XXIII. These be the wrongs, great Viceroy, That thou hast yet to right ; J>- 2 Our P,rrs. And Britons, onl}' Britons, Arc with thee in the fight : Wherefore, since earth was peopled, • And monarchs have borne sway, No hand has held so jrrand a trust As thou dost cast away ! XXIV. The Captains who now serve thee Are the bulwarks of thy power ; Chiefs in the van of progress, Heroes in danger's hour? And tlic planters and the traders Are a just and loyal band ; They scatter Britain's garnered gold And garrison the land. XXV. Shall thc\- be shorn, these Samsons, And their spirits not be stirred ? Shall they who count for thousands Be units in Ihu hurd ? Ihou who wouldst maim the Captains Who keep the land so well, Our Peers. 35 Will thy Local Boards hold India When their brothers shall rebel ? XXVI. Thou callest those to govern Whose virtue is so cheap That they tax the poor man's pittance To save the rich man's heap : To govern one another. Who are brawling even now, The followers of the Prophet And the champions of the cow 1 XXVII. When,— in the far, dim future — Her sons shall cease from guile, And her Brahmans meet as brothers The men they hold so vile : When her countless castes and races Shall have blended one and all, And British nerve and honour wed The softness of Bengal XXVIII. When truth and learning flourish Loved for themselves alone ; 34 TJic Burglar s Fate. When, last and best, this darkened land Our hoi)' faith shall own : Then may we share the fortress We have held six hundred years, For India will be Britain, And her sons a Briton's peers. THE BURGLAR'S FATE. At pulcrum est dij^ito monstrari et dicier " Hie est." — Pers. I, 25. •^^VUKH Haran Datt was a tou<;h old man ^**^ Though a baniya born was ho. Turning a pice by the sale of rice In a small community ; And all the profit he pocketed off it He carefully stowed away To hold, being old, in silver and gold Against a rainy day. II. Rings for the nose, rings for the toes, Finger rings in sets ; TJie Burglars Fate. 35 Collars to deck the swarthy neck, Chains to be placed around the waist, Mystical charms to be worn on the arms And serve as amulets. Stored with these were the round rupees All in a mighty chest With a couple of locks and a couple of keys Which he wore when he went to rest ; One is never at ease till one sees one's keys By one's nightly pillow pressed. III. Dukh Haran Datt had a well-grown son Gauri Prashad by name ; He thanked his stars he had reared this one To set him on fire when his course was run, And travel to Gaya, the land of the sun, To offer the rich ceremonial bun That a father's manes claim ; A task to be done by each dutiful son Who would save his soul from blame ; For the orthodox view of a good Hindu Is that of the early sages ; That a doom of gloom, beyond the tomb 36 TJtc PiiVi^/iir's Fafc. Or rather the pyre, or funeral fire Is the terrible fate of a sonless sire In a limbo dire for ages. IV. Father and son one storm)' night Had finished their meal by the flickering light Of a rag in a little clay saucer of oil ; The food they had found so tasty and nice Was about eight pounds of well cooked rice ; A dainty our cooks in spite of their books Will never learn how to boil. Horace no doubt would have found some fault With the garlic cut in slices ; But not with the nicely measured salt Or the spinach and fern stewed to a turn Or the handful of savoury spices ; Forks had not reached that hamlet lonely And they ate from a leaf with the right hand only. V. This to digest they went to rest On their mats so neatly spread ; • liut they thought it right to put out the light Before they went to bed ; The Burglar'' s Fate. 37 For they knew that Kuber* had no luckier gift Than a constant habit of careful thrift. This being done, father and son Went, I repeat, to rest ; And Gauri Prashad fell a snoring hard For the young, alas, sleep best. But Dukh Haran Datt though his eyes were shut His wits were wide awake ; And he heard a noise like cut, cut, cut, The noise that burglars make. VI. Now some would take fright at that sound in the night, And raise a hue and cry ; But Dukh Haran Datt did anything but And ril tell you the reason why ; 'Twere a brief relief to frighten a thief Who knows one's little store ; But manage instead to cut off his head And he may not come any more. So gently creeping where Gauri was sleeping He laid his hand on his arm, * The Indian god of wealth. 38 The Biirglctrs Ftttc. With never a shake to make him awake Yox fear he should give an akirm ; W hen he turned in bed the old man said In accents mild and low " I hear a thief! we'll bring him to grief; M)' troublesome cough would frighten him off. So you arc the man to go." VII. His hand he laid on an ancient blade That hung on a bamboo peg ; It was keen and trusty, if somewhat rusty. To cut off an arm or leg ; He fancied he felt the thief in his clutches And he quoted the words of a fair Grand Duchess :— YTII. " Here is the sabre, belabour our neighbour " Soon as he burgle his passage through the wall ; " Slice off his nut " Added Dukh Ilaran Datt, " So shall our enemy totter and fall ; " Slay me this thief to encourage the rest ; " Sabre his trunk, who would rille our chest !" TJie Burglar s Fate. 39 IX. Now be not unheeding, dear reader, in reading ; Raise not your voice in heroic recital ; I'm sure you'ld be sorry to frighten our quarry ; Indeed the importance of caution is vital ; He is steadily boring away, the sinner, And the septum of wall grows thinner and thinner. Our Dukh Haran muttered All that he uttered. XL As for Gauri Prashad his breath came hard As he took his stand, sabre in hand ; And soon he met with a token ; He noticed the fall of some clay from the wall ; It dropped on the ground with a pattering sound ; And as this was inside he was satisfied That the law and the wall were broken ; " Patience," he thought, " till the hole be larger *' And I'll lay his head like a head in a charger ! " XII. Heavily weighed the lifted blade And he longed in vain for a scimitar ; 40 The Burglar's Fafe. But now be it known the hole had grown To full four feet in perimeter ; It would seem to some that the crisis had come ; But the thief outside was the pink and pride Of his perilous profession ; He had learned, indeed, to proceed at need Witli an excellent discretion ; So he piloted through a thin bamboo To explore the landscape's features ; With many a poke to see if he woke Any slumbering fellow-creatures ! XIII. 'Twas a kindly night, with a faint dim light, And the wind, }'ou remember, blew hard ; So at last he cast his fears to the blast, Which caught them at once as it hurried past And carried them off to lee-ward ; And the deepening shade at length betrayed That the thief had essayed the breach he had made ; Down with a sweep came the trusty blade And vengeance seemed assured. XIV. Is it a hit ? Never a bit ! It was terribly hard on Gauri Prashad ; TJie Burglar s Fate. 41 For want of a moon he had struck too soon And put the thief on his guard. " Son of a dolt ! " the father cried, " Couldn't you wait till he came inside ? " For indeed the old man was horribly bored To find such a capital stratagem floored By the haste of his hopeful Gauri ; " As you couldn't cut off this thief with a sword " ril cut you off with a kauri." XV. Morning came, and the neighbours all ; And Dukh Haran Datt recounted Deeds by his son gallantly done And dangers dire surmounted ; Nothing he said of his foiled design ; " My son's discredit," he thought, " is mine. " * * XVI. Dukh Haran Datt had a little maid ; Pl)'ing the broom was her daily trade ; Her cheek had a dainty dimple ; Her hair hung loose to the wanton wind 42 The Ihin^lars Fate. And shcVl nothing before or beside or behind But a figleaf pure and simple. (Don't be afraid, dear reader of mine, Don't be afraid (jf this trutiiful hue, For her age was four Or a month ox two more ; And the dress that nature gave her Was as modest perhaps in its phiin design As the low cut dresses of fabric fine That at modern courts find favour.) XVII. This little maid had a wholesome zeal That older servants rarely feel ; At her task she loved to linger ; But this morning she ran to her master's side — " What the dickens is this?" the maiden cried ; " Ram 1 it's a human finger ! " XVIII. Dukh Ilaran Datt was deeply moved At the singular fact I mention ; It is hard perhaps to say what it proved But the fact defied contention. " A finger ! " he cried, " what a curious clue ! The Burdars Fate. 43 "It belonged to somebody, Ram knows who ; " Now — surgical intervention — " Our Doctor he is a Baniya too, * " And he knows more physic than ever man knew ; " Now couldn't he fasten it on where it grew " With a penn'orth of paste or a ha'p'orth of glue , " Or perhaps by the first intention ? " For the last I know to human feeling " Is the most consoling kind of healing." XIX. When the word went round that the finger was found Back came all the neighbours ; And a proud old man was Dukh Haran Datt Of the prodigies done by his only son ; For he felt that the mouth of cavil was shut By the very identical finger cut In the course of his nightly labours ; So Dukh Haran Datt though tired and weary Felt at first uncommonly cheery. XX. Now the purest pleasure on earth, my brother, Is winning a hand that belongs to another, The soft warm hand of one's dearie : * He was, and a Surgeon-Major in the Army. 44 T/ic Burglar s Fate. But winning a finger that isn't our own Is a feeling perhaps we have {qw of us known, And if that finger be cold as a stone It's trying indeed to one's nervous tone ; Uukh Ilaran found it eerie ; So hurrying off to the nearest station He laid a criminal information With the finger to warrant the whole narration ; But the name of the thief was — Query ? XXI. Pegasus, tack ; carry us back To follow the thief on his lonely track. XXII. The blow had fallen, the robber arose, He slipped through the hole and out of the street ; He hurried away from his baffled foes But his hand seemed terribly incomplete. XXIII. Had he lain concealed till the finger was healed He had met no further question ; For his hut was distant many a mile ; The BuyQ;lar's Fate. _ 45 But he parleyed awhile with the Spirit of Guile Who offered this suggestion : . " Weave a pretence for a false defence ; " They'll spot you, I shouldn't wonder." So away went he to Darogha-Ji With the wound he laboured under And reported a fight with thieves at night Who had cleft his hand asunder ! XXIV. The Darogha knew this couldn't be true ; He had nothing to steal, poor knave ; And the peeler knew how the adage ran. For a poet has said that a penniless man May travel unarmed, and sing, if he can, At the mouth of a robber's cave ; (So Victor Hugo's nervous coves In the shade of the trembling aspen-groves Found comfort in a stave.) The Darogha cried " I'll wager a crore " We shall have a complaint ere the day be o'er " He has been in a drunken brawl ;" But the officer wondered more and more For there came no charge at all ; 46 Till Burglar s Falc. So wondering much what the man's deceit meant lie sent hiin in for medical treatment. ♦ ♦ ♦ * * xw. Down in the town sat Major l^rown Hearing Police reports ; His dail}' fate between six and eight Ere the sitting of the Courts ; But never as yet had he happened to get As he sat at his early desk Two informations from different stations That read so like burlesque ; A fingerless thief at Par Kalinga And at Dukh Haranpur a thicflcss finger! XXVI. The thief, as it proved, was a man who had moved At the head of his profession ; He was sent (the Joint decided the point) And tried by the Court of Session ; He hadn't t)ie face to frame a case, Confessed, and was convicted ; And the sentence— well, 'twas no end of a cell And libert}' long restricted. Tripos Verses. 4/ P. S. My medical friends may wish to know If the finger reunited : The surgeon was clever as surgeons go And I really think it would have been so But his hopes were oddly blighted ; He was eagerly pacing to and fro While the finger was warmed in a basin below When down swooped something, a kite or a crow, And carried it off en haut, en haut, And the de'il knows where it alighted ! TRIPOS VERSES. There is a time-honoured custom at Cambridge, which ordains' that, on the reverse of tlie Honour Lists, should be printed, at the cost of the University, some satirical verses furnished by under-graduates, who have, for the nonce, the utmost liberty of caricaturing their elders. The following is a specimen. The plays upon the names of Proctors and pro-Proctors, Day, Wolff, Lamb, and Provost Okes explain themselves. Eunicus is of course no other than the kindly and popular Harvey Goodwin, and Creticus is Chalker the Proctor, who was the natural enemy of under-graduates, and who, the better to stalk them, was said to hide his bands. KpfjTEg uei xl^ivcrrcu kuku 6r)pla. S and K. are Shilleto and Kennedy. Fescennina per hunc inventa licentia moxexa.^Hor. Ep. 2, i, 145. QU/EREBAM nuper notae qui prata Cotonae Calcaret mecum ; mihi mox occurrit amicus Nee mora, namque ultro comitem se prsestat eunti. 4'*^ Tripos J\-rses. Optimus illc quidcm, ncc qualis tristc suile IncoHt, atquc horas vi<;inti quiiKiuc laborat ; Nostcr cnim Etoricne spiravcrat ajthcra purum Otia prnstcxta mcritus pcragcnda togato. Cura tamcn comitis non sucta in frontc scdcbat ; Cui nos : Qui tantus dolor, o Rcgalis alumnc ? Tcnc foris vidit tabulaquc togaquc carcntem (Proh nova monstra) Dies noctu ? vel Creticus iste Crcticus obducta cclans insignia palma ? Vel qui vcstimenta Lupi nunc induit Agnus ? Rura times ? Venerisne pucr te ludit amantcm ? Parce rogare, comes ; non sunt mihi talia curoe ! Nee mc ludit amor, nee sacra nocet mihi sindon Granta ruit ; periitque pudor, periitque vetusta Justitia et pietas ; urnas jactamus avorum. Magna fuit quondam cineris reverentia carl, Inque suo prctio qui munera codice largo Magna daret Granta^ ; nunc insultare sepulchre Mos est, et fatui contemnere jussa datoris. Mox, nisi desuetam renovarint bclla coronam Intermissa diu, forsan novus incola nobis Dixerit : ILxc mea sunt ; vctcrcs migrctis alumni. Regales saltus cuivis habitare licebit, Custodiscjuc loci OucrcCis rcquicscerc in umbra. Tripos ]^erses. 49 Narras, concede, durissima ; nee tibi suave est In veterum libris longos consumere soles ; At ne te fortunam et iniquas taedia sortis Oppressisse putes solum, da, si vacat, aurem. Vita hominis vapor est, et amaro plena dolore ; Vix semel exultare datur ; mox occidit, eheu ! Occidit ; irato franguntur numine nares. Nestor erat princeps, nullo comitatus ; at ille Qui tot sustinuit, qui tanta negotia solus Interiit ; Gallo ferus insidiabitur exsul ; A?7|Oo/3iocque brevi mentito nomine regnat. Coelicola en princeps, cui frater Delius, et cui Luna soror, nostri stupet ignea fulmina Martis ; Iratum* et sentit Cantonae fictile Taurum. Tune dolere potes, tua sors tibi dura videtur Ouum grave perfidia, missumquc recenter ab Indis T>/\£y/)d^//jua legis ? (non quod tu scribis inane, Bospore ; nee Tripodum verbum est aptare Camcenis.) O utinam quffi nunc insanit lege soluta Arbitrio legis*)- rursus colat India pacem. Stat moribunda manus mercatorum, gravis annis, ■^ Boi)? kv iroXei' sc, ey tm KepafieiKm. (Schol.) Minime respicit hie locus id quod de Hibernis yEschylus " Bovi)n)>iing. And then when you rise you'll gogcjlc }our eyes In a terrified stare of wonder. Let none be a foul in the pool, but cool ; And this is the plan to go on ; A breath and a stroke, like sensible folk, Float till the next, and so on. Please look alive when you strive to dive ; For the rule according to Cocker Is to cleverly point your hands and head Towards Davy Jones's locker ; Butt with your head, pray with your hands, Open your eyes as you travel. For fear of a shock from a block of rock Or a nose well grazed on the gravel. Pray have a care if a hand you bear To save a friend from sinking ; Some practice first ere it comes to the worst Is worth a deal of thinking ; 'Tis a dangerous task ; though I would not ask To have my children shirk it ; If he clasps you round )-ou'll both be drowned So I'll tell you how to work it. With My Gun. ^i I'd see him well spent before I went, Just paddling at some distance, Or punch his head till he lay like dead And open to assistance ; Then tow him with care by his clothes or hair ; Or his ear, by way of variety ; So hauling him in the medal you'll win Of the Royal Humane Society ! WITH ^lY GUN. f^c^ (.i\^ ^'^^ ^'^'^ ; SS A S/i//>wrtr^' on S/tore. 5- Dozens of beer, so dear out here, Shattered and spilt and spent ; And the crystal lamp, the pride of the camp, Down with the rest it went : And worse, alas ! the glittering glass That a steed might well reflect Is lying in fragments sharp and smaH Totally, utterly wrecked ; Then, alas ! for the glass so tall and brave With its fondly flattering view ! Where the gentleman always stood to shave- He and his famiiy too. !Many a chair in crushed despair The carpenter's aid must beg : Many a table hitherto stable Limps on a broken leg : Never a clock but felt the shock And down it came with a thud ; Never a dress unless in a mess, Muddle and puddle and mud ; His bedding is wet and his plans upset ; He must furnish his house anew ; And now he repents of living in tcntsy He and his famil/ too. A Shipivreck on Shore. 89 5}td ^f^^ WC^^ ^«^I ■? HERE kin or friendship gives a lien Surpassing merit is detected ; Which, teste Darwin, comes to mean Extinction of the unselected. A MATRIMONIAL NOTICE, " SMITH— ARMOUR." EPIGRAM THEREON. " Arma virumque cano." I HEY tell US since Vulcan's original myth That all coats of armour are made by a Smith ; But now that the chaplain has married his charmer We meet with a Smith newly made of an Armour. ON A SIMLA SCANDAL. «^e'^^HEN David fell victim to Bathsheba's charms ^^ Uriah the Hittite was ordered to arms ; But now the offender bears justly the brunt And only the villain is sent to the front. ( no ) ON A MEMBER OF OUR MAGAZINE CLUB. " He kept the numbers as the numbers came." TRIFLES. Q"lfr CRITIC cried, " Mid peaceful scenes ^^^ " What martial arts I use ! " In charge of several magazines " And always at reviews ! " I've heard an old humourist tell That a cause is akin to a bell ; The truth of which saying you feel When it comes to be heard in appeal. " A judge unrobe in public ? " " Yes, my brother, " You put a rent suit off and try another." LEARNED COUNSEL. {Chit t agon g, 1883.) ^ET the public support The Bar in this Court ; Our T. A. P. is uncommonly good. But if you don't find The said Tap to your mind You may take a long pull from the Wood. ( III ) LONG DISCOURSES. (^"Itr BURIMAN devout buys a manuscript prayer '*^''*^ And prays it by slinging it high in the air. Our Rector might borrow a hint from the Burmans And nail to the pulpit his prosier sermons. ON A METRONOME. ^P)HIS little click-devil Requires to be level. TAKING THE CUE. 5^ ROWN played a cannon, but instead Just missed the white and fluked the red ; " ' How fine a cut ! ' cried Brown in clover, " You saw how neatly it heeled over ? " " ' It heeled,' said Spriggins, as you mention, " But hardly by the first intention." ( 113 ) A FACT. '^ CAUGHT thi-ec tiny fish *** And told my tiny son That two would meet my wish And he should feast on one. " Now this is most unfair," Replied the little prig ; " You take the larcfcr share *' And how can I grow big ? " DEDICATED TO THE TENT CLUB. 'E whose i2-bore o'er-bore the boar Which he forbore to ride, Himself a bore, destroyed a boar, Committing suicide. VIRO DOCTISSIAIO J. P. GRANT. fUI Sitagoniacis donabas nuper in oris Tanta viatori munera, Munus oris. ( 113 ) POOL. ^N frequently playing at pool "^ With a pseudo-homonymous friend, I ran the man close, as a rule, But always got slain in the end. One player was destined to sell, The other was doomed to be sold ; The name of the one was Bis^nell And the name of the other — Bignold. To R. H. GREAVES, Esq., B.C.S. ^IM will I right, if writing can. Of whom an erring world believes He is a melancholy man And always grieves, and only grieves ! For well doth childish praise appraise His kindly ways and playful wiles ; And, cast among congenial traits. He cannot help himself, but smiles. n ( 114 ) THE AMATEUR PRINTER. ' So careful of the type ! ' Tennyson, ||rf|HESE lines a Printer-poet chose From either fount to pick ; These the composer did compose And printed off his stick. A BOAST. ^"^^^E printers are a sporting race ; ° This line I '11 justify ; We 're given to shooting and the chase And find ourselves in pie. DECLARATION UNDER ACT XXV OF 1S67. [HE tiny press whose arbiter I am Will charm a child, or fix an epigram If maxims hold, and minims claim no heed. The courts will reck but little of my deed ; Yet — for I would not that the law were broken- I do declare the fact. Be this my token. ( 115 ) PROLOGUE To be spoken by BETSY BAKER. " Betsy Baker ! {curtsey) at your service ! " {curtsey). ^^f^^^HEN the Honeymoon's ended and over, d^ JS Too smooth a devotion may cloy, Inducing a surfeit of clover, A quite too unbearable joy. You shall see our young Benedict ^^louser Preserve such a Darby-like tone That at last Mrs. Mouser avows her Reluctance to posing as Joan. Till Crummy, a kindly relation. Not wishing the potion to pall, Devises a small complication For mixing a relish of gall. So I'm to make love to young Mouser And deftly her Darby ensnare, By which we expect to arouse her To jealousy, wrath and despair. And Crummy, if nothing miscarries. Declares ere the curtain shall drop He'll marry me off to young Harris And buy us a Greengrocer's shop ! ( ii6 ) EPILOGUE TO "DEAREST MAMMA." December zStJi, 1880. ■ EAR Friends, the trifle we present Is all we have to offer : A dish of modest merriment, No challencre to the scoffer. '&' We know, kind audience, you've a heart So chivalrous in tone It needs must take that actor's part Who cannot take his own. No garb laborious we prepare, But put a casual stitch in, At moments which we ill can spare From cradles, courts, and kitchen. Our craft has made no easy trip. The waves had nearly swamped her ; And if we've saved the little ship We owe it to — • {Jones from R. Wing) " The Prompter ! " We see our newly married pair Their happy tents out-spreading ; Around them hangs, a halo fair, The glamour of the wedding. Epilogue to Dearest Llamnia. 117 Old uncle finds a cosy shelf; — A man inured to suffer His late lamented dearer self — A better half, but rougher. iCvoker) ''Poor buffer ! ! " But now that troublous tongue is dumb, He counts his trials over ; Preserves his equilibrium And ruminates in clover ; Till all must yield in evil hour Beatitude for bustle, And trembling own the awful power Of— (J/;x B. F.) " Mrs. Breezely Fussel !" While honest Jones in injured tones Denounces her vagaries. And Mary Jane is half insane Chaffed by the neighbouring areys. The cynic finds his subtlest joys In plotting to provoke her ; And she her talons well employs In nettling Nettle Croker. ii8 Epilogue to Dearest Maimna. IMcanwhilc that widow fresh and fair Seems safely booked to pin him, But finds on cracking him with care That he has nothing in him ! {Alrs.H.) "I'll win him!!" The moral then, dear matrons, is, When once your chits are wedded, Don't let them think a mother's phiz A terror to be dreaded ; But come and pass a pleasant day ; Don't worry or oppose 'em Nor longer stay ; but slip away To cousin Towzler's bosom. And Harry ! when her mother comes, Be careful not to rouse her ; But yield, and smile, and twirl your thumbs- And leave the rest to ( Uncle B.) "Browser!!!" ( 119 ) EPILOGUE TO "ICI ON PARLE FRANCAIS." (Played in our Billiard Room.) ., .^E'VE moved the old table, ** ^ But hope we've been able To show you our play all the same ; That no canon dramatic Has found us erratic, Or wanting in strength or in aim. We own that the ball Must come off in the hall, To vary the act and the scene ; Content if we use Our appropriate cues, Though our room, not our table, be green. When Victor the lover. Intent to discover The lady-love torn from his e}'es, Comes gallantly over From Calais to Dover, What droll complications arise ! I -:!0 Epilogue to Id on Parle Francais. Our Julia trim, Though wedded to him Who could hardly be sterner or stricter, Having- stolen a march Is inclined to be arch And flirt rather freely with Victor. But Victor ! beware Of your protegde fair As she munches dry buns in the train ; For Major Rattan Is a murderous man And chief of the children of Cane. Ze dodge of old Spreeggins For letting his deegins Ye seemple may serve to surpraise ; Ze old hombog's unable To strife against Babel But is n't he fon ven he traise ! Poor Anna Maria Has plenty to try her In serving so motley a troupe ; She's druv to despair With Mossou's pongs-de-terre The coffee — the boots — and the soup. Epilogue to Ici on Parle Francais. 121 Says Sprigglns " I offer — My service I proffer ! " (The martyr not moving a muscle) ; A smile it may raise That Julia's stays Should move Mrs. Spriggins's bustle ! Ze fair Angelina But ah ! you have seen herr ! To paint herr vas labour in vain ; When Victor once marries He '11 take her to Paris And sketch us, like Monsieur de Taine. But what were our play Though we conned it all day, Rehearsing it most of the night. Unless we could find An audience kind, Sympathetic, and smiling and bright ? Your partial applause Has filled every pause, And cheered our small comedy through ; So, now we must part. From ze depse of my heart I veesh you — von fine ' how d'you do ! ' ( 122 ) EPILOGUE TO BOOTS AT THE SWAN." { Written after the event, for a Riial Company.) • EAR Friends, we have strutted an hour on the stage (Or jumped it, or reeled it, or rolled it) ; A convict all funk and a peeler all drunk, And you have been here to behold it ! And as for our play, it was lively and gay ; And surely, kind public, thou knowest 'Twere folly to try any subject too high When our talents incline to the lowest. For he may well shine in painting a sign Who would merit no tribute from Ruskin ; And folks may get on in " Boots at the Swan," Who would cygnally fail in the Buskin. Admit that Frank Friskly in gossiping briskly IMuch pickle and beef could demolish. That Fipkin would dally with sweets and with Sally, Nor say that our Boots wanted polish. Epilogue to Boots at the Siuan. 123 Our Lesbian's rhyme will live for all time, The romance she is writing, for ever ; Her tresses are new and her stockings are blue And her acting decidedly clever. Our beau with the name was a trifle too tame, And Emily, theme of his passion. Averred she preferred (a small bird overheard) To be wooed in a livelier fashion. And the maid — ! Ah the maid seemed born to her trade. So sprightly and handy and smiling ; Her part was too slight for an actress so bright, And manners so gaily beguiling. You were charmed with the scene in its border of green ; You were charmed with the heat, which was howling; Khits, bearers, and bobbies so crowded the lobbies And a man with a bouquet for D ling. Now fearing no scoff we move merrily off Who came with much nervousness on ; And all that we ask as the meed of our task ; Is : Remember the " Boots at the Swan." ( i:^4 ) PROLOGUE TO THE AREA BELLE." l^j^IIIS room you perceive is a kitchen, •^^ A snug little kitchen in town ; And I am m}- mistress 's servant Your servant {curtseys), Penelope Brown. ]\Iy smiles are as bright as my covers ; So don't be surprised when I state That a merry succession of lovers Comes down by the area gate. My Pitcher is true to his duty, 444 B., A man who knows something of beauty, To judge by his fondness for me. My gay grenadier's an Apollo In bearskin, — it makes my heart bleed To think that so many should follow Where one, only one, can succeed. Poor Chalks too, he finds me enthralling, But a milkman is barely genteel ; He may call in the way of his calling— But never sit down to a meal. Pi'ologiie to the Area Belle. 125 I wonder he bears with my fancies And woos one so cold and so proud ; But Chalks's are honest advances And milkmen not easily cowed. Oh crikey ! if good Mrs. Croaker Should happen to catch us at play — But for fear we should chance to provoke her We wait till the cat is away. For if lovers are wanting to kiss us, And we are inclined to be kissed, It can 't be no business of Missus Perwided no mutton is missed. But a pepperpot stands on the dresser ; A favourite signal of mine ; She ha'n't no idea on it, bless her ! As that pepperpot stands for a sign. But again, there's the imminent danger Of two looking in at a time, And each falling foul of a stranger ; O wouldn't the crash be sublime ! 1 26 Epilogue to BoDibastes Fnrioso. So I guard against such a quandary When once an appointment is fixed, By noting the fact in my diary ; And now they can never get mixed. But there — I have given you an inkh'ng ; I mustn't stop prating all day ; The Manager's bell is a-tinkling And I have to open the play. EPILOGUE TO "BOMBASTES FURIOSO." Spoken hy Distaffina {Mr. Pritchard). Patrons, the farce that forms our closing show Drew bumper houses seventy years ago ; And Rhodes, the play-wright of these playful pages, True metal shows (like Sanders'* roads) for ages. IMethinks, if tender love, pathetic woes, If passion's promptings, all too deep for prose. Have power to charm, an exquisite delight Should be the guerdon of our toil to-night. * Our Municipal Vice-Chairman. Epilogue to Bombastes Fnrioso. 127 Nor blame our author's merriment, although it Burlesques the pompous pride of many a poet ; The right is ours, as humble fellow-foolers, To lash our writers' laches, and our Rulers'. Oh would some scathing Satirist arise To snipe-shoot modern folly as it flies ! And, following Ilbert to his Capuan hill Slay — not his recreant body, but his Bill ; That Bill, endorsed by none, that bears his name, Presented, not for honour, but for shame ! Nor spare that elder Bill, the Grand Old Bloke, Whose Art, axe-ominous, with many a stroke. Would hack and fell our stately British Oak. Britannicus, or any other cuss, Will find a nobler Premier among us, A Boss who knows no meaner fault than fuss. So to our plot ; the stately Griskinissa You never met, so you will never miss her ; Not so his would-be consort, Dlstafifina : I only hope you like her now you 've seen her {posing) And truth to tell, believe it an you list, Until to-night I never have been Miss-ed. This skirt is awkward, so you won't be hurt If I prefer — Ahem ! — a divided skirt ; 128 Epihgiie to Bovibastes Furioso. This wig is rickctty, these trappings vain ; Fain would I cry " Pritchard's himself again !" — So one whose girth was great, and sword-belt shorter, Resrretted he was stout as well as Porter. o Which name recalls by mere association An Operetta set in operation That fairly earned, and won, our acclamation. Wherefore we greet with sympathising hand Our fellow-workers in a rival band ; To us the bays of eloquence belong ; To them the sweet pre-eminence in song ; Or rather, let the distribution be, To us the solid earth, to them the sea ! (This is a most felicitous conception — A ""ift from Terra to her brother Neptune !) t>' To them good speed. No quarter-deckorations But sixteen-anna art — delineations — , Drawn from a cooler clime 'ncath milder orbs — Bespeak our artist-guest, and name him — Forbes ! This mount I could — but won't — indite an ode on ; You know it'sSwisSjOr you would swear it wasSnow(c)don. I sniff a joke, it shan't escape us, shall it ? We owe his brush encomiums and his palette. Epilogue to Bombastes Furioso. 129 Yon audience-chamber, wainscoted in brown, Is just an ordinary room in town ; But when we need a forest or a garden, Hi presto ! we're in Eden or in Arden. Now shall my muse — for gratitude has sharpened her — Sing our self-sacrificing friend, the carpenter ; And, long as scenes shall shift, and curtains rise, Oh, rare Jack Johnson ! laud thee to the flies. The moral then, young ladies, that we proffer ; Is this : be sure you don't refuse an offer ; Take warning from my fate, whose tactics sinister Caught at a Monarch and so lost a minister. Now go to bed ; to rise from slumber sound Refreshed as wounded heroes from the ground ; I only ask before you seek the balmy, Three cheers for brave Bombastes and the Army ! ( I30 ) CHARADES. I. 'HEN Prussia's sons her prowess proved. The bitter end o'erpast, She spared the haunts the Muses loved, The treasures of my Last. But when the Commune's brutal rage In reckless fur}' burst. The heirlooms of a future age Were buried in my First- Then, comrades, fill the sparkling boAvI, And pledge the Prussian in my Whole- Miss Kitty is pretty and pert ; She looks on myself as her slave ; " Can you make a charade?" said the flirt; And this is the answer I gave : — " My First is a beautiful bay ; "My Last is a beautiful quay ; " My Second the ladies' delight, " And my Whole is — what \-ou arc to me." Charades. \ 3 1 My First upon each cold grey stone That Hnes the lonely sea ; Or where the frolic strawberry roan Frets at a bondage all unknown And struggles to be free ; My Second to the suppliant poor Turned from the miser's closing door, Or meagre devotee ; My Whole with buttered toast galore, And Bessie making tea. A Charade tvithojit a First. The hour of ten had come and passed Without her host the lady reckoned ; My Whole had failed to bring my Last, And left her in my Last and Second ; And thus it chanced that after all My lady never graced the ball. 132 Charades. 5- Two syllables my First compose ; Two syllables my Second shows ; And yet it may be questioned whether We number four when both together. My First a Grecian athlete cast, And psalms fell sweetly on my Last ; My Whole, whatever it may prove, Begets more argument than love. 6. And thus they passed the ancient mill And sat beneath the willow ; They gazed into the depths so still. And watched each petulant billow Fringing the little stream that burst Impatient of my First. They sat beneath the willow's shade Till, as the youth grew bolder, His heart's fond secret he bctraj-ed. And this is what he told her : " Long have I sighed yet feared to speak " By hope, by doubt perplexed ; " Dare I but ask the boon I seek ? " — She softly said my Next ; And o'er her check a flush then stole ; Its hue was lovely, and my Whole. Charades. i33 7. Selina Slow accused her beau Of flirting with her sister ; Said she, " your face reveals the case, " I'm certain that you kissed her ! " Confession which conceals the worst " Is no confession reckoned ; " So be my Whole if you my First, " And own that you my Second." "Tis true," he cried, "your loving pride " I never more will injure ; " Now tell me why this instant I " Resemble sugared ginger ? " 8. Deep in my First are found My Second, a precious hoard ; As a Whole we abound on the battle-ground And Staunton's mimic board. ■( 134 ) DECAPITATIONS. OMPLETE, we entangle the prey we enclose ; Beheaded, we're Arctic and stand for your nose. If you cut off our tip, we're a War God in Greek, Who, beheaded, is wealth, (if a Roman should speak). Two-thirds of which wealth, if the other depart, Still part of its sum is the Latin for art. 10. Born of a schoolboy's idle aim, With waterfowl I kindred claim In virtue only of a name. Beheaded once, I'm much the same But twice, the felon's soul I tame, Or droop with an ingenuous shame ; And thrice, a sylvan monarch's name I stand, tlic residue of flame. Again — now silence cries the dame ; Once more — by general acclaim I add a breath to Byron's fame. Decapitations. ■ 135 II. My whole is cunning to beguile And mask its malice with a smile ; Oi rides with easy bound and free The trackless surgc?^ of the sea ; Or numbers in its guild the man Who labours as an artisan ; Or guards in memory's secret page The mysteries of a bygone age. Behead me ! floating as before I choose, alas, my path no more ; But yield myself a helpless slave To driving wind and dashing wave. Behead again, I stand at worst < The better portion of my first ; And though I run before the wind I cannot choose but lag behind. ( 136 ) ENIGMAS. 12. (.W" LEGAL indictment, an onset, a price, ^C%a A grave exhortation of holy advice, And the powder and shot that exactly suffice. 13- Dedicated to the Graces. My first is a bee from your bonnet ; My second a neigh from your marc ; My third is the tea from your teapot ; And nightly I flit through the air. My first is a bee from the comb ; My next in a feast will be found ; My last a bold lover will take If you yield him two inches of ground ; But I and my brother are hardly a pair For day is the time when I fly through the air, 14. When hostile lances glint afar I rouse the slumbering host to war ; And varying forms I wear ; A sword, I deal a fatal blow ; A staff, I lay the monarch low ; I shine a gem on maiden's brow ; I yield at lover's tender vow, Or break in wild despair. c 137 ) DOUBLE ACROSTICS. 15. ^f'^J^^E pride ourselves much on a beautiful trait ; m Si We squander our lives as we wait, day by day, On our wizened old mistress, the wealth of Cathay. 1. The kind of knowledge given to few Which guides the hand to bake or brew. 2. The lid beneath whose shelter small The fierce heat warms its watery wall. 3. The den wherein the iron lay Till blushing it was borne away. 4. The spoon which glitters bright and clear If solid silver be too dear. 5. The chamber where my lady's lips Close o'er the comfort that she sips. 16. Ruck of unselected we — Epithet of mystery. Mark for many a rifle's aim, Not so red till spring time came. Pencilled we and deep blue-e}-ed. Hungry, fat, unglorified. Dwelling, or the host inside. 17. Inscribed to the Members of our Station Club. Yes, the play hour merrily passes ; Two for the lads, and one for the lasses. 138 Double Acrostics. 1. I bore the warrior to the fray, Then rankling in his breast I lay ! 2. Far fetched ? Then haply worth a trial ; No worse at least than bare denial. 3. I'm often blacker than my due But never gloomier than when blue. 4. A tip of many a tale am I, And misappHed to certainty. 5. In myth (and Smith) wc move and prove But shady peers of those above. 6. The fountain seeks the mountain's aid To sing thy praise, relenting maid. 7. Hair or no hair, 'tis wrong to pull it ; A gentle squeeze will plant the bullet. 8. 'Tis strange alone, as in the text ; Not so, when coupled with my next. 9. Rhymes, magazines, a book, some figures, The co-efficients — or the nifjcrers. 18. What in the world is the meaning of this ? QuerqucduKx Gangctis et laboribus Ululant hilaritcr, nomcn ct mores agunt ; Similis reponit Yttrianos Kalliphon, Et concinebat vacuitas zothecula ; Delia barbarica te Jovis-jurans amant, Et xerolophi faciebat orandos iter. Ad est, Pala:stina. ( 139 ) AN ANGLER'S ALPHABET. WAS an Angler agog for the day ; B was the Basket he bore for his prey ; C was a Caddis that lived in a Case ; D was a dear little delicate Dace ; E was an Eel, and the Effort to skin it ; F was his Float, bobbing twice in a minute ; G was the grayling of Tennyson's lay,* H was the Hackle that lured him astray ; I was old Izaak, the Prince of our folly ; J was his Jest, for our Angler was jolly ; K was his Kettle, with plenty of bait ; L was the Line he dropped early and late ; M was the Minnow that played on his hook ; N were the Notes that he made for his book ; O were the Osiers he happened to know ; P was a Pike that was lurking below ; Q was the Quill, when it merrily played ; R was the Roach that its motion betrayed ; S was the Salmon, the Lord of the stream ; T was the Trout, with its silvery gleam ; U was an Unguent old Izaak invented ; V was a Vale by our Angler frequented ; W, his Wanderings by Exe and by Wye ; Z was his Zeal ; he will fish till he die ! * " Here and there a trusty lout And here and there a grayling." — Tennyson. ( I40 ) AN ALPHABKT OF BIRDS. ^J{\ ^^-^^ ^" Adjutant, bolting a frog ; B was a Bittern that boomed in a bo? £> y C was a coppled Canar)- in cage ; D was a Duck with a stuffing of sage ; E was an Eagle aloft in an cyric ; F was a Falcon as fast and as fiery ; G was a Goose with a gander to marry it ; H was a Hern with two Handsaws to harry it ; I was an Ibis, impartial,* en prince ; J was the poor little Jackdaw of Rhciins ; K was a Kingfisher, couldn't he dive ! L was a Linnet ; they limed it alive ; M was a Magpie that chattered and stole ; N was a Nightingale pouring its soul ; O was the Owl that Minerva assumes ; P was a Peacock parading its plumes ; Q was a Quail as it cowered in the stubble ; R was a Rail with a habitat double ; S was a Snipe as it darted askew ; T was a Teal with a winglet of blue ; U a Upupa or Emu or Seamew ; V was a Vulture ; what screams he could scream W a Wren, with a dome and no spire ; [>'ou ; X was a Xanthoktm -f- (kindly enquire); Y was a Yuiiina (ask as before) ; Z, a Zostera ; there ar'n't an}- more. • "In medio tulissimus ibis." t Majur Marshall is responsible for the last three birds. ( 141 ) AN ALPHABET OF BEASTS. cjtr WAS an Ass that ate artichokes raw ; ^O^ B was a Bull for a Bonheur to draw ; C was a Cat and her kittens a-bed with her ; D was the Dog, and the life that he led with her ; E was the Elephant Barnum would buy ; F was a Fox with the hounds in full cry ; G a Gazelle with her soft dark eye ; H was a Horse that went cantering by ; . I was an Ibex aloft in the snows ; J was a Jackal that sang through his nose ; K was a Kangaroo over the seas ; L was a Leopard, with links, if you please ; I\I was a Mouse, with a weakness for cheese ; N was a Nilgao, or buffalo buck ; O an Opossum all down on its luck ; P was a Pig that could point to a figure ; Q was a Quagga, a donkey grown bigger ; R was a Rat, or a Rabbit, or both ; S was a Squirrel, a Snark or a Sloth ; T was a Tiger, and terribly wroth ; U was a Unicorn truly unique ; V was a Vole, and a villain to squeak ; W, a Walrus, the Carpenter's chum, Worshipping oysters but swallowing some ; X was Xanthippe ; so Socrates thought ; Y was a Yak rather heavily fraught ; Z was a Zebra. No, begging your pardon, Z was the whole Zoological Garden. ( 14-^ ) JINGLES. IHERE was an old man of Darjceling Who kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling ; No wonder he missed Blue Peters at wliist And made such a bungle of dealing. There was a young lady in Rome Who couldn't keep quiet at home ; A priest of St. Peter Once happened to meet her And carried her up to the dome. There were seven maiden ladies in Fakcnham Whose lovers, alas, had forsaken 'em ; They sat bj' the fire Growing drier and drier And wondered why no one had taken 'em. There was a young lady in Cutch Whose master was teaching her Dutch ; Said he, " Pretty maiden, " ril take you to Leyden." Said she, " I was hoping as much." N.B. — There was a Rao in Cutch after that. Jingles. 143 There was a young lady in Shihuri Who cut her aunt's throat in a fury ; She was duly comnmitted But promptly acquitted On blowing a kiss to the Jury. There was a young lady in Greece, Whose conduct was all of a piece ; Her parents both thought her A troublesome daughter, And her aunt — an undutiful niece. There was an old artist at Kew Who ceased to discriminate hue ; When the skies were all mellow With orange and yellow, He cried, " What an exquisite blue ! " A lady who came to Calcutta Was poisoned with clarified butter ; " Oh Consomer jee, " You have killed me with ghee ! " The very last words she could utter. Or mutter, That lady who came to Calcutta. 144 Jingles. There was a younij lady in Wales Addicted to biting her nails ; She was sent to Devizes To wait the Assizes In one of Her Majesty's Jails. QUESTION: CAN YOU RHYME SAMPAN? C"Wr LITTLE girl lived near a tank '•^^^ With a half-witted father, named Frank ; They victualled a sampan With bread-pan, and jam-pan, And sailed for nine years till she sank. i^iianfiliitionf) from iai;a(;e and ||tai;tial. K 1 46 Horace. HORAT, Lib. I, Carm. 38. ^jTnERSICOS odi, puer, apparatus ; Displicent nexce philyard coronae ; Mittc sectari, roso quo locorum Sera moretur. SimplicI myrto nihil allabores Sedulus cura : neque te ministrum Dcdccct myrtus, neque me sub arcta Vitc bibentem. Translatio7is thereof. 147 HORACE, Book I, Ode 38, RING me no Persian novelty, I beg, boy ; Twine me no linden coronet, and seek not If in some nook now in the waning autumn Linger a rosebud ; Chiefly take heed thou never in adorning Mar the plain myrtle ; for it suits, the myrtle. You the trim page, and me beneath the vine-bower Draining a wine-bowl. 148 Horace. IIORAT., Lib. Ill, Carm. 9- Hor.— ^^rvONEC gratus cram tibi ^^y Ncc quisquam potior brachia candidaj Ccrvici juvenis dabat, Pcrsarum vif^ui rcgc bcatior. Lyd.— Donee non alia magis Arsisti, neque crat Lydia post Chloen, Multi Lydia nominis Romana vigui clarior Ilia. Hor.— Mc nunc Thrcssa Chloe regit, Dulccs docta modos ct cithar.'E scions, Pro qua non metuam mori Si parcent animae fata superstiti. Lyd.— I\Ie torret face mutua Thurini Calais filius Ornyti, Pro quo bis patiar mori Si parcent puero fata superstiti. Hor.— Quid si prisca redit Venus Diductosque jugo cogit aeneo ? Si flava cxcutitur Chloc Rejecta^que patet janua Lydiae ? Lyd.— Quamquam sidcre pulchrior Illc est, tu Icvior cortice, et improbo Iracundior Iladria, Tecum vivere amcm, tecum obcam libcns. Translations thereof. 149 OLD BROTH HEATED.' ^ He— ■^jj^AIR Nelly, when you loved me yet, ^y^ And not another of our set Could coax you to caress him, ah ! Your Will was happier than the Shah. SJie — So, Willy, ere your fickle flame Burned incense to another's name. Your Nell was honoured in the town Beyond Queen Bess of high renown. He— But now r ve made a better choice, With such a touch and such a voice 1 And gladly would I seek the fray To fight and fall for Fanny Gray. She — My passion now for Harry Lee Is only matched by his for me ; Twice would I perish in the strife. So Fate should spare my darling's life. He— How would it do should Venus deign To yoke a parted pair again ? Old love is waking ; shall it wake And banish Fan for Nelly's sake ? She — Though he is fair as stars above. And light as cork thy fickle love And Grosser than the angry sea. With thee I' 11 live and die with thee ! 1 50 Martial. MARTIAL. I. 10. ^^(T^ETIT Gemellus nuptias Maronillae Et cupit et instat et precatur et donat. Adeone pulchra est ? immo foedius nil est. Quid ergo in ilia petitur et placet ? Tussit. I. 89. Garris in aurem semper omnibus, Cinna, Garris et illud teste quod licet turba. Rides in aurem, quereris, arguis, ploras, Cantas in aurem, iudicas, taces, clamas, Adeoque penitus sedit hie tibi morbus, Ut saepe in aurem, Cinna, Caesarem laudes. II. 20. Carmina Paulus emit, recitat sua carmina Paulus. Nam quod cmas, possis iure vocarc tuum. Translations thereof. 15^ MARTIAL'S EPIGRAMS. I. 10. EMELLUS pays his fond addresses, Makes presents, pants, and prays, and presses. So fair ? — Nay, plain. The charms she offers Lie in her cough and in her coffers. I. 89. Cinna, you whisper in one's ear, And whisper each what all might hear. In whispers laugh, and sing, and doubt, And plead, and read your judgment out. Complain, refrain, shed tears, and shout ! Till in your ailment's chronic phase You whisper — even Caesar's praise. II. 20. Rights pass by sale. From earliest times This doctrine has been known ; So Paullus buys his neighbour's rhymes And then recites his own. {Another Rendering.') " These lines are mine, " sly Paullus cries ; And none can say that Paullus lies ; For Paullus owns what Paullus buys. 152 Marital. n. 35. Cum sint crura tibi simulcnt quae cornua lunae, In rhytio potcras, Phoebe, lavarc pedes. II. 38. Quid mihi rcddat ager quaeris, Line, Nomentanus ? Hoc mihi reddit ager : te, Line, non video. II. 66. Unus de toto peccaverat orbe comarum Anulus, incerta non bene fixus acu. Hoc facinus Lalage, speculo quo viderat, ulta est Et cecidit sectis icta Plccusa comis. Desine iam, Lalage, tristes ornare capillos, Tangat et insanum nulla puella caput. Hoc salamandra notct vcl saeva novacula nudct, Ut digna speculo fiat imago tuo. II. 71. Candidius nihil est te, Caeciliane : notavi, Siquandocx nostris disticha pauca lego, Protinus aut Marsi recitas aut scripta Catulli. Hoc mihi das, tanquam dctcriora Icgas, •Ut coUata magis placeant mea ? Credimus istud : Malo tamen recites, Caeciliane, tua. Translations thereof. 1 5 3 11. 35- With limbs like crescent Luna's bandy You'd find a horn a footbath handy. II. l^. What my Nomentan yield a-year is ? Well, rest from Linus and his queries. II. 66. O hasty blow ! harsh mistress, hapless maid ! One pin had slipped, one ringlet gone astray, The glass avenged the failure it betrayed — Half shorn, half slain, poor stricken Barbara lay. Deck, Lalage, nor thou thy guilty hair Nor maid that maniac head, in coming time ; But Salamander brand nor razor spare, So shall thy glass be sullied by its crime. n. 71. Most candid of critics, I note When I read you some couplets of mine, Catullus or Marsus you quote To serve as a foil, I opine ; I value the courtesy shown But — wish you had read me your own. 1 54 Martial. II. 92. Natorum mihi ius trium roganti Musarum prctium dcdit mcarum Solus qui poterat. Valebis, uxor. Non debet domini perire munus. III. 8. Thaida Quintus amat, quam Thaida? Thaida luscam. Unum oculum Thais non habet, ille duos. III. 18. Perfrixisse tuas qucsta est praefatio fauces. Cum te excusaris, Maxime, quid recitas ? III. 43. iMentiris iuvenem tinctis, Laetine, capillis, Tarn subito corvus, qui modo cygnus eras. Non omnes fallis ; scit tc Proserpina canum Personam capiti detrahct ilia tuo. III. 46. Exigis a nobis operam sine fine togatam. Non eo, libertum sed tibi mitto meum. " Non est " inquis " idem." Multo plus esse probabo Vix ego lecticam subsequar, ille feret. In turbam incideris, cuncos umbone repellet ; Invalidum est nobis ingenuumquc latus. Quidlibet in causa narraveris, ipse tacebo : At tibi tergeminum mugiet ille sophos. Lis erit, ingenti facict convitia voce : Esse pudor vetuit fortia verba mihi. " Ergo nihil nobis " inquis " praestabis amicus ? " Quidquid libertus, Candide, non poterit. Translations thereof. 155 II. 92. The honours of a sire of three My epigrams have won for me ; So, Joan, we part ; not one embrace ; 'Twere ill to void our patron's grace ! III. 8. " Thais is fair ! " cries Ouintus. " Who ? " " That lacks an eye." " Then he lacks two." III. 18. Your throat is sore, friend Maximus ? Then why not rest your throat — and us ? III. 43- Your snowy locks, Lsetinus, gone ? A raven, who wast erst a swan ? You, like your locks, will soon be lying. For Death is near, and knows you're dyeing. III. 46. " What every day attend you ? No ; Excuse me, but my man shall go. Won't do ? I'll prove it, he's the fitter ; I lag behind, he'll lift your litter. His elbows cleave a charging crowd : I'm far too slight, and far too proud, I shall but hear you plead your cause, While he will bellow fierce applause. In rows he'll rail you loud and long ; Now, I 'refrain from language strong.'" " What then ? Shall friendship naught avail ?" " Yes, count on me— where he would fail." 1 56 llartial. III. 52. Empta domus fucrat tibi, Tongiliane, duccnis : Abstulit hanc nimiuin casus in urbe frcqucns. Collatum est dcciens. Rogo, non potcs ipse vidcri . Incendissc tuam, Tongiliane, domum ? III. 57- Callidiis imposuit nupcr mihi copo Ravcnnae : Cum pctcrem mixtum, vendidit ille merum. Ill 61. Esse nihil dicis quidquid petis, improbe Cinna : Si nil, Cinna, petis, nil tibi, Cinna, nego. III. 94. Esse negas coctum leporem poscisquc flagclla. Mavis, Rufe, cocuni scindere, quam leporem. IV. 24. Omnes quas habuit, Fabiane, Lycoris amicas Extulit : uxori fiat arnica meac. IV. 41. Quid recitaturus circumdas vcllcra collo ? Conveniunt nostris auribus ista magis. Translations thereof. I57 III. 52. Tongilian's mansion in the city Was burnt to ashes ! What a pity ! But thrice the price in presents came — Now, did Tongilian light the flame ? III. 57. (Adapted to the Simla water-famine.) That Minx, my Simla landlord's daughter, She sold me wine, and charged for water. III. 61. Each boon, you plead, is nothing, Cinna sly ; To you then, Cinna, nothing I deny. III. 94. " Dear friends, it's raw! my horsewhip ! for I swear — " " Ah ! Brown, you'ld carve your cook — to save your hare ! " IV. 24. Lycoris all her lady friends inters. Jove send my precious wife a friend of hers ! IV. 41. Our poet in a comforter appears. • -" Give us the worsted, Raucus, for our ears." 158 Martial. IV. 72. Exigis, ut donem nostros tibi, Quinte, llbellos. Non habeo, sed habet bibliopola Tryphon, " Aes dabo pro nugis et emam tua carmina sanus ? Non" inquis " faciam tain fatue." Nee ego. V. 9. Languebam : sed tu comitatus protinus ad me Venisti centum, Symmache, discipulis. Centum me tetigere manus aquilone gelatae : Non habui febrem, Symmache, nunc habeo. V. 43. Thais habet nigros, niveos Laecania dentes. Quae ratio est ? Emptos hacc habet, ilia suos. V. 47- Nunquam se cenasse domi Philo iurat, et hoc est Non cenat, quotiens nemo vocavit cum. VII. 98. Omnia, Castor, emis : sic fiet, ut omnia vendas. VIII. 10. Emit lacernas millibus decem Bassus Tyrias coloris optimi. Lucrifecit. " Adeo bene emit ? " inquis. Immo non solvet. Translations thereof . 159 IV. 72. My book ? oh, certainly. But stop. I've sent them all to Tryphon's shop. ' What, cash for trash, sir, (you reply), ' I'm not a fool.' No more am I ! V. 9. You've cured my headache. Dr. Brown ; Marched fifty gale-swept students down Whose fifty-hands so chilled me, plague you, \\''hat was a headache, is an ague ! V. 43. Pyrrha has teeth whiter than snow ; Thais's teeth are black as a crow ; For Pyrrha's are bought, and Thais's grow. V. 47- " I rarely dine at home." Poor sinner ! He's often there, but lacks the dinner. ibidem Gallice redditum.) " Jamais," jure Philon, " Je ne dine chez-moi." Tu t'y trouves, Philon, mais tu n'as pas de quoi. VII. 98. There's Castor buying all creation : He'll sell it soon in liquidation. VIII. 10. " The purple cloak that Bassus wore " Stood him in fifty pounds and more " And cheap at that." " How so," you say ; " Why, Bassus never means to pay." i6o Martial. VIII. 12. Uxorem quare locupletem clucere noHm, Ouaeritis ? Uxori nubcre nolo meae. Inferior matrona suo sit, Prisce, marito : Non alitor fiunt fcmina virquc pares. VIII. 13. Morio dictus crat : viginti milibus emi. Reddc mihi nummos, Gargilianc : sapit. VIII. 43- Effert uxorcs Fabius, Chrcstilla maritos, Funereamque toris quassat uterquc facem. Victores committc, Venus ; quos iste manebit Exitus, una duos ut Libitina ferat. IX. 30. Cappadocum saevis Antistius occidit oris Rusticus. O tristi criminc terra nocens ! Rettulit ossa sinu cari Nigrina mariti Et questa est longas non satis esse vias ; Cumquedaretsanctamtumulis.quibus invidet, urnam Visa sibi est rapto bis viduata viro. IX. 60. Seu tu Pacstanis genita cs seu Tiburis arvis, Scu rubuit tcllus Tuscula florc tuo ; Seu Praenestino tc villica legit in horto, Seu modo Campani gloria ruris eras : Pulchrior ut nostro vidcarc corona Sabino, De Nomentano tc putct esse mco. Translations tJicrcof. 161 VIII. 12. " What, marry an heiress, and pocket my pride ? Why, she would be bridegroom and I should be bride ! Though mine be the wit and the rank and the riches, Her chance is still even of wearing the breeches." VIII. 13. I bought a fool, and paid a hundred pound : Disgorge, Gargilian, for his wits are sound ! VIII. 43- Chrestilla and Fabius many a spouse have sped. Waved funeral torches o'er each nuptial bed ; Venus, mate both ! and seal their common doom — One nuptial torch to light them to the tomb. IX. 30. Antistius fell on Cappadocia's shore : O guilty land ! O miserable crime ! Home next her heart his dust Nigrina bore, Blamed the swift barque, and all too fleeting time; Envious his earth to Roman earth restored, And mourned her love, twice widowed of her lord ! IX. 60. Wreath, or of Paestan or Tiburtine soil Or Tusculan the bloom and ruddy pride. Or haply some Prjenestine maiden's spoil, Or glory of Campania's country side, Bid my Seibinus add a dearer charm And deem thee of my own Nomentane farm. 1 62 Martial. IX. 98. Vindcmiarum non ubiquc proventus Cessavit, Ovidi ; pluvia profuit grandis. Centum Coranus amphoras aquae fecit. XI. 96. Marcia, non Rhenus, salit hie, Germane : quid obstas Et puerum prohibes divitis imbrc lacus ? Barbare, non debet submoto cive ministri Captivam victrix unda levare sitim. XII. 23. Dentibus atque comis, nee te pudet, uteris emptis. Quid facies oculo, Laelia? non emitur. XII. 25. Cum rogo te nummos sinepignore, "non habeo," inquis. Idem, si pro me spondet agellus, habes. Quod mihi non credis veteri, Telesine, sodali, Credis coliculis arboribusque meis. Ecce, reum Carus te detulit : assit agellus. Exilio comitem quaeris? agcllus eat. XII. 89. Quod lana caput alligas, Charine Non aures tibi, sod dolent capilli. Translations thereof. i6j IX. 98. The vintage was not all in vain ; Coranus found the downpour gain, And bottled eighty quarts of — rain. XI. 96. Here Marcian jets not Rhenish play ; German, dost drive that boy away ? Quench, conquering wave, a captive thirst, But Rome's young freeman claims thee first ! XII. 23. Bold Laelia, locks and teeth you buy ; You can't go shopping for an eye. XII. 25. *' No cash to-day? That empty hand Holds plenty — if I pledge my land. What, doubt the oldest of your chums And trust my cabbages and plums ? Halt ! Carus quods you. Land defend you, And exile share, to cheer and tend you." XII. 89. Charinus wraps a muffler round his ears To hide the hair-ache of advancing years. ( i64 ) THE ARTIST. I. ARTIST, range not over wide, Lest what thou seek be haply hid In bramble blossoms at thy side, Or shut within the daisy's lid. 2. God's glory lies not out of reach. The moss we crush beneath our feet, The pebbles on the wet sea-beach, Have solemn meanings strange and sweet. J- The peasant at his cottage door May teach thee more than Plato knew : See that thou scorn him not : adore God in him, and tin- nature too. 4- Know well th)- friends. The woodbine's breath The woolly tendril on the \ine. Are more to thee than Cato's death, Or Cicero's words to Catiline. ( i65 ) AD riCTOREM. ?^ICTOR, matcriem procul Arti parce tuai quasrere, ne rubi Flos foi'san teneat novus Aut claudat timidae palpebra bellidis, 2. Non te Xumen in ardiia Sectantem refugit. Quern pede conteris Muscus, quot lavat Hadria Praesentem lapides dulce sonant Deum. 3- Discas auspice rustico Quae non olim acics ilia Platonica Ccrnebat. Fuge temnere Cui natura Dei contigit, et tiia. 4- Refert nosse tuos. Odor Ardet te clymeni, lanaque pampini : Letum mitte Catonis, et Horrentem patric-e vulnera Tullium ;. 1 66 The Artist 5- The wild rose is thy next in blood : Share Nature with her, and tii)- heart. The kingcups are th\' sisterhood : Consult them duly on thine art.. Nor cross the sea for gems. Nor scek Be sought. Fear not to dwell alone. Possess thyself. Be proudly meek. See thou be worthy to be known. The Genius on th}- dail}- ways Shall meet, and take thee by the hand ; But serve him not as who obeys : He is thy slave if thou command. 8. Be quiet. Take things as they come : Each hour will draw out some surprise. With blessing let the days go home : Thou shalt have thanks from evening skies. Idem Laiine Versum. 167 5. Te vult, blanda soror, rosa : Pulcri quicquid erit hac socia lege. Te fratrem violae petunt : Has et consilium posce, lucraberis. Gemmarum studio mare Nee transire decet : nee petere : at peti Te demissa superbia Solum sustineat. Siste potens tui : Sic dignam Genius lubens Errant! in triviis corripiet manum ; Nee, si jusserit, obsequi Cura ; sed Genio fortiter impera, 8. iEqua mcntc vices lucro Appone : hora novum protrahet exitum. Sanctos dege dies : tibi Sic grates tribuent alma crepuscula. 1 68 The Artist. Lean not on one mind constantl\-. Lest, where one stood before, two fall. Something God hath to say to thee Worth hearing from the lips of all. lO. All things arc thine estate ; yet must Thou first display the title-deeds And sue the world. Be strong ; and trust High instincts more than all the creeds. II. Assert thj-self ' and b\- and b}- The world will come and lean on thee. But seek not praise of men — thereby Shall false shows cheat thee. Boldl\- be 12. Each man was worthy at the first, — God spake to us ere we were born ; But we forget. The land is curst ; We plant the briar, reap the thorn. Idem La fine Ycrsiun. 169 Audi quns reserat Deus Hand uno ingenio fretiis, at omnium ; Est ut nisus in alterum Qui solus steterat concidat obruto. 10. Orbem scis patrimonium : I, litem in populos infer, ct occupa. Virtutem colis insitam ? Fidat dcterior relligionibus. 1 1. Audax te tibi vindica : Mox fies columen civibus ; at fuG'e I.audantem populum sequi Pomparum vacua captus imagine. 12. Olim crevimus integii : Nos nondum genitos commonuit Deus. At devotus ager gemit ! At dumos serimus ! At metimus rubos ! i;o The Artist. Remember, every soul He made Is different — has some deed to do, Some work to work. Be undismay'd, Though thine be humble, do it too. 14. Not all the wisdom of the schools Is wise for thcc. Ilast thou to speak ? No man hath spoken for thee. Rules Are well : but never fear to break. 15- The scaffolding of other souls : It was not meant for thee to mount ; Though it may serve thee. Lord Lytton. Idem Latim Versiim. 17 1 13- Haud omnes animi pares : Haud dcbemus idem : pensa dedit Deus Unicuique suum : tibi Si parvum dederit, perfice, perfice. 14. Priscorum sapientia Non pro te sapiit. Quidlibet eloqui Debes ? Non alius tibi Sermonem praeiit. Utere regulis ; IS- Justum est scandere machinas Aptatas aliis mentibus ; at neque, Si vis frangere, sit pudor ; Haud tali auxilio te decet cvchi. ( ^72 ) Till-: NIGHT IS STILL. ijr^fllE niglit is still, the moon looks kind : The dew hangs jewels in the heath : An i\ y climbs across thy blind, And throws a light and misty wreath. The dew hangs jewels in the heath : Buds bloom fur which the bee has pined I haste along, I quicker breathe : The night is still, the moon looks kind. Buds bloom for which the bee has pined : The primrose slips its jealous sheath As up the flower-watched path I w ind And come tin- window-ledge beneath. The primrose slips its jealous sheath — Then open wide that churlish blind And kiss me through the iv}- wreath ! The nicrht is still, the moon looks kind. Edith .]/. T/ioi/nrs. ( 1/3 ) OMNIA VIXCIT AMOR ; QUIN TU QUOQUE CEDIS AMORI ? j>URA silent, et Luna favens et arnica tuetur ; Ros humiles distinxit ericas Serta tuae levia et nebulis incerta videri Tendit helix prope claustra fenestrae. Rura silent, et ros humiles distinxit ericas : Floret ager, spes sera favorum ; Festinamus iter, levis exit anhelitus ore : Luna favens et arnica tuetur. Qua mera mella, apibus dudum exspectata, patescunt. Qua calicem nova primula fallit, Custodita rosis qua semita flectitur, adsum Cara, tuae prope claustra fenestrae. Tu, vigilem quoniam calicem matura fefellit Primula, tu mala claustra relaxa ; Hie inter teneras helices fac ut oscula libem ! Luna favens et amica tuetur. ( 174 ) THE BKLLMAN'S SPEECH. [RIENDS, Romansand countrymen lend mcyourcars!" (They were all of them fond of quotations) So they drank to his health, and they gave him three cheers While he served out additional rations ; " We have sailed many weeks, we have sailed many days (Seven days to the week I allow,) But a Snark upon which we might lovingly gaze Wc have never beheld until now ! We have sailed many months, we have sailed many weeks (Four weeks to the month you may mark) But never as yet ('tis your Captain that speaks) Have we seen the least glimpse of a Snark. Come hither, my men, while I tell you again The five unmistakeablc marks By which you may know, wherever you go. The warranted, genuine Snarks. Let us take them in order. The first is the taste Which is meagre and hollow, though crisp ; Like a coat that is something too tight in the waist, With a flavour of \\^iil-o'-the-Wisp. ( 175 ) TINNITORIS ORATIO. " /^IVES Romani" sic princeps incipit ore, ^*^ Nee latuit nautas notior ille locus ; Immo tergemina propinant laude salutem Promenti duplices, vina cibumqiie, dapes ; " Multas hebdomadas, multosque per aequora soles (Septimus expleta Sol ruit hebdomade) Vela damus ; studii solamen amabile nusquam Snarcharus attentos exhilaravit adhuc. Multas hebdomadas, multosque per aequora menses (Quatuor hebdomadas, dicite, mensis habet) Vela damus ; dux ipse loquor ; nee Snarcharus unus Dat quamvis subita cernere membra fuga. O comites, ne vos olim malus obruat error, Quae prius edixi nunc iterare velim ; Sunt quibus egregie generosi Snarcharus ortus Signatur, quo vis sub Jove, quinque notae. Prima quidem — nam tanta ex ordine dicere fas est — Concavus et tenuis stet fragilisque sapor, Qualis inest imo constrictje pectore vesti, Te redolens, stagno fax generata gravi ! 176 The Bellman s Speech. Its habit of gcttinj^ up late, you'll a'^rcc It carries too far, when I say That it frequently breakfasts at five o'clock tea And dines on the following day. The third is its dulness in taking a jest ; If ever you venture on one It groans like a creature surprised and distressed, And always looks grave at a pun. The fourth is its fondness for bathing machines, Which it constantly carries about. Believing they add to the beauty of scenes ; A sentiment open to doubt. The fifth is ambition. It now will be ri^ht To describe you each separate batch. Distinguishing those that have feathers and bite From those that have whiskers and scratch. For, although common snarks do no manner of harm, Yet I feel it my duty to say Some are Boojums"— The Bellman broke off in alarm, For the Baker had fainted away. Idem Latine Versian. 177 Segnius in lucem somnos proflare diurnam Vos quoque fassuros crcdimus ore, boni, Qui vespertinjE lentus jentacula mensae Carpit, et in ccenam eras rediturus abit. Ne forsan lateat nota tcrtia, discite, nautae ; Vix recipit crassa Snarcharus aure sales ; Sed si forte comes quid luserit ore faceto Capta velut laqueo bellua, multa gemit. Quarta satis constat ; vaga tecta, natantibus apta, Quum juvat ire foras gestat ubique loci ; Scilicet his crescit species cultusque locorum ; Haud equidem credo ; sit sua cuique Venus. Quinta, magistratus studium. Discrimina porro Proderit ancipitis commemorasse necis ; Barbati lacerant infixis unguibus hostem, Plumis^eri morsu viscera dilaniant. 't>^ Snarcharus est praedae ; pugnabitis omine fausto ; " Sed si Snarcharias Bujamis obveniat " — Tinnitor pavet, et voces in faucibus liferent ; Procubat exanimo corpore Pistor humi. M 178 Frovi " Lycidas ; " " The Princess." From " LYCIDAS." r LAS ! what boots it with incessant care ' To tend the homely slif^htcd shepherd's trade, And strictly meditate the thankless muse ? Were it not better done, as others use To sport with Amaryllis in the shade Or with the tangles of Ncara's hair ? Milton. From "THE PRINCESS." "M^OR woman is not undevelopt man, ^^T But diverse : could we make her as the man. Sweet Love were slain : his dearest bond is this, Not like to like, but like in difference. Yet in the long years likcr must they grow ; The man be more of woman, she of man ; He gain in sweetness and in moral height, Nor lose the wrestling thews that throw the world ; She mental breadth, nor fail in childward care, Nor lose the childlike in the larger mind ; Till at the last she set herself to man, Like perfect music unto noble words ; And so these twain, upon the skirts of Time, Sit side by side, full-summed in all their powers, Dispensing harvest, sowing the To-be, Self-reverent each and reverencing each, Distinct in individualities. But like each other ev'n as those who love. Then comes the statelier Eden back to men : Then reign the world's great bridals, chaste and calm : Then springs the crowning race of human kind. ]\Ia}- these things be ! Tennyson. Idem Latiiic Vcrsiwi. 179 IDEM LATINE VERSUM. ^EU mihi ! cur ovium custos inglorius erro, Quid tarn perpetuo prodest renovata labore Cura gregis ? Ouidve ingratam celebrasse Camcenam ? Ah, quanto melius patulce sub tegmine fagi Crinibus effusis vultum densare Neaerae Aut timidam audaci tentare Amaryllida palma. IDEM LATINE VERSUM. <^^EMINA dissimile est natu, nee quails origo (^y^ Immatura viri ; cujus si fiet ad instar Prsdulcem Veneris pucrum mactaveris ; illc Conjugio nexisse solet meliore tenendos Non simili similem, sed dissimilesque paresque. His tamen in longis licet assimilarier annis ; Hie quiddam muliebre lucrabitur, ilia virile ; Hie addet sibi suave decus, sine crimine mores, Robora non ideo jacturus idonea pugn^e ; Ilia simul, late sapiens, infessa fovebit Prolem, et servabit mentem sibi prolis ad instar Ingenuam et docilem ; donee, qua callidus arte Carminibus didicit claris aptare poeta Dulce melos, sic olim aptabitur ilia marito. Sic una tandem, propriis virtutibus etsi Dissimiles similes ut quos concordia nexit, Hie illi, ilia viro venerabilis, et sine culpa Vivendi memores, Sceclorum in fine sedebunt ; Connubioque novis completi viribus, ipsi Ceu laetae segetes, spargent et semina passim ; Sic genus humanum majorem scandere Olympum Cernimus et castos resonare per orbem Hymenceos ; Unde siet proles, atavis generosior aetas ; Ha^c felix faustusque Dicspiter annuat ipse. ( i8o ) From THE FRENCH OF VICTOR HUGO. •fy^llLOATS a sweet hymn where the aspens quiver, ^^ And the pilgrims of night hasten along ; Cheering the gloom of the dell by the river Sing, trembler, a song. Sleep the worn crew on the verge of the eddy ; Cease but the lava from vexing the deep, Calm in its beauty it slumbers already ; Sleep, weary one, sleep. Is the day dark ? Then we dream of gladness ; Gleams on our tears a heavenly ray ; Cry we to God, who is near in sadness ; Pray, sorrower, pray. Life is our goal, and Death its portal ; Doomed to the tomb is the whirl we cherish ; So that we merge in the Vast Immortal Let the perishing perish ! LA VIE. ^A vie est une fleur ; I'amour en est le miel ; s^ C'est la colombe unie a I'aigle dans le ciel ; C'est la grace tremblante u la force appuyce, C'est ta main dans ma main doucement oublice. LIFE. JqIFE is a blossom and its nectar — Love ; H^ A power to wed the eagle with the dove ; Bid timid grace on manly might recline, And leave thy hand forgotten, dear, in mine. STiianfilatioini fiioin tliii @i;iiinaii l82 Translations from the German. SONGS OF A WANDERER. I. Goodbye. I. ;3, OODBVE, my love, for this Is the day we are to sever ; Give mc a kiss — one kiss, For I leave thee now for ever ! And a flower, a flower fro in the tree That is blooming by the wicket ; No fruit, no fruit for me, I shall not be here to pick it. II. Afar. ^ will rest mc here in the pleasant shade J^ By the song of birds delighted ; Why is your song of my dearest maid ? What can ye know in this far-off glade, Of the happy love we plighted ? 2. I will rest me here by the brook so clear Where the sweetest flowers hang over ; Who can have sent }ou, flowrets, here ? Are ye a pledge from a maiden dear Sent to her absent lover ? III. A IMoRNiNG Carol. I. AINTLY breaks the day dawn pale ; Li Deep in shadow lies the vale. Not a morn-bell ringing. 2. Still and lone the greenwood seems ; Birds but twitter in their dreams, Not a songster singing. Translations from the German. 183 3- I have been a-field so long I have conned this dainty song ; I am up and singing ! IV. Lodging. I. M gentle kindly host was mine With whom I lately tarried ; A Golden Apple was his sign Upon a long bough carried. 2. My host was the good apple-tree Where I took up my quarters ; Sweet was the meat he spread for me And fresh his sparkling waters. 3- Right merry was his green hotel With many a light-winged guest, They hopped about and feasted well Their glees were of the best. 4- A grassy bed for sweet repose My kindly host he found me ; Himself he drew the curtains close Of cooling shade around me. I bad him reckon up the cost : He shook his head " Nay, never ! " My blessing on thee, kindly host, From root to crown for ever ! V. Home. REAK not, O bridge that dost tremble and sway ; Crash not, O rock that dost frown on my way ; Sink not, O Earth ; fall not, O Sky, Ere we can meet, my love and I ! U hi and. 1 84 Translations from the German. A HEAVY HEART. ^f^E arc fading now, fair roses, ^ That my love never wore ; \Vh\- did )-e bloom, sweet roses, For a heart that is sore ? I muse and mourn, my angel, Those days at thy side ; Early, ere bud should open. To my garden I hied ; For my l.eart beat high at thy coming, I\I)' own, my sweet, And all flowers, all fruit of my garden Were to cast at thy feet. Now ye are fading, roses. That my love never wore ; Why did ye bloom, sweet roses, For a heart that is sore ? GoetJie. Translations from the German. 185 LORELEI. fknow not what omen is o'er me I feel so sad and low ; Or why it is before me, That tale of long ago. The lift is cool and darkling And gently flows the Rhine ; But the mountain peak is sparkling In the gold of evenshine. Above in her beauty beaming There sits a maiden fair ; Her jewels of gold are gleaming And she combs her golden hair ; Her comb itself is golden Her golden locks among ; And she sings a weird and olden And mighty Siren-song. The boatman feels it move him To an ecstaty of woe ; He sees but the singer above him — Alas for the rocks below ! For the little bark will founder, And the boatman drown and die For the glamour cast around her By the song of the Lorelei. Heine. 1 86 Translations from tlic Gcrnian. A SONG OF LOVK. "V^-^OVE on, while Love is near at hand ; cii^ Love on, while Love is in thy keeping- ; The hour is nigh when thou shalt stand, Among the graves, a-weeping ! Sec that the holy fire thou tend, Warm be thy heart, and frank thy greeting, While in the bosom of thy friend For thee a warm, frank heart is beating. To thee he lays that bosom bare ; Each mood by kindly service gladden ; All hours to brighten be thy care, Nor one to sadden ! Nor let thy tongue be over-free : A word, if wrong, is lightly spoken ; " O God ! I meant no ill " But he Is gone, heart-broken. Love on, while Love is near at hand ; Love on, while Love is in thy keeping ; The hour is nigh when thou shalt stand, Among the tombs, a-weeping. Thou kneclcst by his grave alone. Burying thy tearful eyes — alas. No more to look into his own — Deep in the long damp grass. And wailcst : " Here upon thy grave Behold me weeping, waiting still ; Forgive me for the pain I gave ; O God ! I meant no ill !" Translations from the Genua n. 187 He sees nor hears thee ; nor his form Unto thy glad embrace is given ; Nor Hps whose kisses were so warm Can speak thee long forgiven. He has forgiven thee long ; although On thee and on thy bitter jest, Tears, burning tears would often flow — But hush ! He is at rest ! Love on, while love is near at hand ; Love on, while love is in thy keeping ; The hour is nigh when thou shalt stand Among the graves, a-weeping. Freiligrath. THE FISHER MAIDEN. ;OME, pretty fisher maiden, And steer your boat to land ; Come, sit you down beside me, And listen, hand in hand. So, lay your head on my bosom. And be not afraid of me ; You arc not afraid to venture Out on the stormy sea ? ]\Iy heart^is like the sea, love With its storm, and ebb, and flow ; And many a pearl for thee, love. Sleeps in the depth below. Heine. 1 88 Translations from the German. LA BELLE PECHEUSE. *IENS done, belle pcchcusc, et ramant a la rive Amarre ton canot ; Apieds-toi prcs dc moi, que d'une amc pensive Je te soupire un mot. Appuis-toi sur ce sein ; courage done, courage ; L'esprit qui sans tremblant Tous les jours se confie a la mer, a I'orage, Craindra-t-il son amant ? Mon coeur est le miroir de la mer inquicte ; C'est vaste, c'est profond ; La maree au-dessus, les vagues, la tempete, Et les pedes au fond. Heine. THE TWO CHAMBERS. HE heart has chambers twain : They shelter Joy and her sister, Pain. Here Joy her revel keeps : How nigh her Pain, all a-weary, sleeps. O Joy, for pity's sake Speak softly, softly, Lest weary Pain awake. Herm. Neumann. Translations from the German. 1 89 SPRING SONG. ^IGHT and dear my heart can hear 3^ Sweetest bells a-pealing ; Little carol, far and near Trill the glad spring-feeling. Trill and roam, and seek the home Where all flowers spring sweeter ; If thou seest a rose in bloom, Say I bad thee greet her. THE SILVER SEA. C'ltC gleam upon the silver sea, ^^, A gleam of sunset only ; A little fishing-hut, and we Both mute and pale and lonely. Heine. The clouds roll up, the billows rise, The sea-birds sail and hover ; The tears within thy lovesome eyes They gather and run over, I saw, and on the yellow sand Beside thee kneeling lowly Drank wildly from thy lily hand The drops I held so holy ! Those tears were poison ! In their power One fierce regret I cherish And day by day and hour I waste and pine and perish ! Heine. 190 Translations from the German. SMELL SNAILS AND SNAIL SHELLS. DISTRESS Snail her wit she shows ; She carries her house wherever she goes ; Wherein the wise see positive proof That a Snail first taught us to build and roof. So, if a good wife needs must roam, She still in her heart should carry her home ; Nor leave it hung on a nail behind, Out of sight and out of mind. Nay, she better at home may bide (Just as the man must tramp outside); And as little dishonour shall thence derive As the Queen-bee gets in the honey-bee's hive. For the Oueen-bee ever at home must stay, Bidding her lieges fly away ; Also a fish, you understand, Can never be easy long on land. A snail must die, we know full well, If a thief should carry away her shell ; And so, with the wife the world goes wrong If you keep her away from her home too long. Volkslied, Translations from the Gervian. 191 A WANDERER'S NIGHT-SONG. fHOU who of the Heavens art, Every ache and throe who stillcst- To the doubly stricken heart. Doubly free refreshing dealest — I am weary ! Let it cease : What are toil and joy and smart ? Sweetest Peace, Come, oh come upon my heart ! A FIGURE. N the mountains ever Is Rest. Scarce an air a-quiver Followest In yonder pine. The birds are all hushed in the forest ; Wait, at thy sorest, And Rest in thine. Goethe. 192 Translations from the Geniian. THE ROSE BUD IN THE HEATH. '^f^Rl'lSH and fair a rose bud grew, ^^ Rose bud in the heather ; Fair as dawn and fresh as dew ! Sprang tlie boy its grace to view, Charmed altogether ; Rosy, rosy, rosy bud, Rose bud in the heather. Cried the boy : " You shall be picked Rose bud in the heather ! " Cried the rose : " You shall be pricked ! Thorns are sliarp, and roses strict." Still the boy would gather Rosy, rosy, rosy bud. Rose bud in the heather. Naughty boy he dared to pluck Rose bud in the heather ! Rose bud stood on guard, and struck : Boy must even bear his luck, Naughty boy to gather Rosy, rosy, rosy bud, Rose bud in the heather. Goethe. Translations from the German. 193 A LITTLE SONG IN PRAISE OF WOMEN. SI, ™k OMEN are so named from winning; Man is but a sorry wight Till a winsome woman woo him, Soul and body to delight. Fitly mated, fairly fated — Miss a wife, and mar a life ; Torments vex who shun the sex. Dearth of joy, and dole of strife. Charming, cheering — in her bearing Woman womanly is she — Trusty, trustful, all endearing — • Who so closely clings to me ? Riickert. N 194 Translalions from tJic Gcvuuxn. EVEN SONG. 'VHVEN is returning ^1^ In her arms to fold Earth for quiet yearning, Weary wood and wold. Yet the brooklet gushes Headlong as before ; Past the rocks it rushes Onward ever more. Knows no Vesper bringing Peace and solace nigh ; Hears no sweet bell ringing Tender lullaby. Heart ! that strivest ever, Craving rest denied, — Ask of God the giver Peace at eventide. Iloffinaiui von Fallcrskhcn. Translations from the Gcnnan. 195 SLUMBER-SONG. ■^qIGHTLY, my little one, slumber a while ; ^k^ Close the dear eyes that so lovingly smile ; Pillow thee warm on thy own mother's breast, Rocked in my arms for thy cradle of rest ! Dreams of a joy in which earth has no part Steal through the hush of thy innocent heart ; None but love's tears through the bright summer's day, Freshen the roses that bloom on thy way. Manhood is coming ; when, worn with the fray, ]\Iemory shall bear thee to childhood away ; Pleasure may woo, but woo thee in vain ; Oh ! thou shalt long for thy cradle again. Sleep, little angel, my angel of love ! Daylight is toying with starlight above ; Morning is here, and its herald be this — Wake ! for I seal thee m)- soul in a kiss ! Riickert. 196 Translations from the German. SONG. Of Thee I ( Von Dir.) l^ffllE stars they have voices the livelong night ^^ For me, for me ; I know they are telling, O maiden bright, Of thee, of thee. They tell of the glance of thy starry eyes, — How purer by far than the stars they shine ; So whisper the stars to mc, to mc, The livelong night of thee. The birds they are singing the whole day long To me, to me ; I know that they carol in every song Of thee, of thee. They tell mc thy voice has so pure a tone That the nightingale listens and stills his own, — So carol the birds to me, to me. The whole day long of thee. I\Iy heart it has ever a word to say Of thee, of thee ; It names but thy name, be it night or day, To me, to me. It tells me its vow, it will ever adore, And love thee for ever, and more and more ; And this is the tale my heart tells mc, At every beat, of thee ! c^lijinorjc^fj of ftic^ |tinif5e^i;i!. ( 19^ ) MEMORIES OF Till-: NURSERY If all the earth were apple-pie. And all the seas were ink, A nd all the trees n'ere bread and cheese^ Wliat should zee do for drink ? Dar}'d shor si}Tihi ho, Zamin biikir khani, Sara jangal dahi ho, To kaun dcga pani ? Little boy bine, coine blow up your horn, The coivs in the meadow, the sheep's in the corn ; But zvhere is the boy that looks after the sheep ? He's under the haystack fast asleep ! Nil Baran Garcri dhol mar tcra, Khet men para sanr, jacdad men para bhcni ; Kya hua chhokra jis ke zima'h bhcri ? Per tale sua hai Nil Baran Gareri ! Old mother Hubbard JVent to the cupboard To get her poor dog a bone ; When she got there, The cupboard ivas bare, A nd so the poor dog got none ! Dharma Dai Handi tak gayi Kuttc ko dene har ; Wahan jab ayf To kuchh na pay! ; Rah gaya rozahdar ! Memories of the Nursery. I99 The man in the ivildcrness asked of me " How many straivherries grozu in the sea ? " I anstcered him, as I thought good, ''As many red Jier rings grow in the wood ! " "Ram Ram" bole jogi, " Parbat men kitni machli hogi?" Main ne kaha kih " Ram Ram " Jitne talao men phole am ! " Hitmpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Hnmpty Dnmpty had a great fall Not all the Queen's horses, not all the King's men Could put Hnmpty Dumpty together again, Hamti Damti charhgaya chat ; Hamti Damti girgaya-phat, Raja kd paltan, Rani ke ghore Hamti Damti kabhi na jore. Little Bo-peep Has lost her sheep. And doesn't knoiv where to find them ; Let 'em alone And they 'II come home And bring their tails behind 'em I Chhoti Momeri Hargayi bheri, Kidhar se moh gayin gum ; Chhiiti rahenge To ghar men awenge, \Va sab ke pichhe dum ! 200 Memories of the Nurseiy. Goosey, Goosey, Gander, WJicre shall I wander ? Upstairs, or doivnstairs. Or in viy ladys cJiauiber ? Old Daddy long-legs Would n't say his prayers ; Take hiui by the left leg, And throzu him dozvnstairs ! Hans, Hans, Raj Hans, Kidhar jane hota ? Upar jawen, niche jawcn, Bibi'-ji ka kotha ? Budha Behuda Chhor diya namaz ; Gor dharke phenk de, Pir pae-daraz. Dickory, dickory, dock ; The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one, And doivn she run, Dickory, dickory, dock. Dckho re, dekho re, dckh ! Ghari bajcgi ek ! Jab ghanta hua, To kud para chuha, Dckho re, dckho re, dckli ! Memories of the Nurseyy. 201 Little Miss Muffet, Sat o/i a inffet, Eating of curds and zvhey. When a great ngly spider Came and sat dozvn beside her, A nd frightened Miss Mitffet azvay. Maflti Mai, Dalai malai Ghas men baithke khai, Jab bara sa makra Uski sari ko pakara, Bhage Mafiti Mai ! faek and fill zvent up the hill To fetch a pail of zvater, facie fell dozvn, and broke his crozvn, And fill came tumbling after. Jak aur Jil pahar par charhe ; Donow milke balti bhare ; Balti bharke jab utare niche, To Jak gira age aur Jil giri pichhc. Higgledy piggledy, my fat hen ! She laid eggs for gentlemen. Sometimes eight, and sometimes ten, Higgleddy, piggledy, my fat hen ! Hakall makall, murghi mera ! Anda pare barah terah ; Par ke bhej dc sahib ka derah ; Hakall makall murghi mera ! 202 Meinon'ts of the Nursery. '' Lady Mary, quite contrary, Hoiv docs your garden grozo ? " " Silver bells and cockle shells, And pretty maids all of a roio. " " Miriam mcri tirchhi tcrhi Phuta gulistan ? " " Chandi ka gliaiita \va kauri ka panta Wa larki khub jawan ! " " Pit-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker s man ! " " So I to ill master, as fast as I can " " Pit it and pat it, and mark it with ' C,' And then it zuill do for Charlie and me ! " " Dc nah chapati, dc, napaz ! " " rhurti sc dcngc bandah nawaz." " Pito, wa pato, wa chhap dc ' dfd, ' " " Kill sab koi jane diikhi ka mfd ? " " Pussy cat, pussy cat, zoJicre have you been ? " " Pve been to London to look at the Qucoi." " Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there ? " " L frightened a little mouse under the chair ! " " Phus, phus, kidhar sc aya?" " Rani ka darshan shahar men paya." " Phils, phus, udhar k-ya hua ? " " Kursi kc niche bliaga diya chuha ! " ]\Icmorics of the Nursery. 201 Simple Simon Diet a pieman Goius; to the fair ; Said Simple Simon to the pieman, " Let me taste your zvare" Said the pieman to Simple Simon, " Let me see your penny ; " Said Simple Simon to the pieman. " Why, I have ?i't any ! " Lai Bujhakkar phire chakar ; Mela jae kalal ; " Babu," bole Lai Bujhakkar, " Chakhen tera mal." Itna kahkar Lai Bujhakkar Tham-le do phulauri ; " Paisa denah, Lai Bujhakkar " " Atho phenk ke aya kauri ! " 3Teeting by mistake Nothing could be fairer ; This tcay ran the snake And that way ran the bearer, Ghar kc samhne jhamp, Jhamp kc nichhe kankar ; Udhar bhage samp Aur idhar bhage Shankar ! GRAVIORA QLKEDAM. , LIBERTY (I owe the leading thought of these lines to the present Lord Bishop of Calcutta.) ASM off the fetters ! Let the slave be free ! Freed be the Negro from the galling yoke ; Freed be the patriot from the tyrant's chain ; Let thought and action, life and truth, be free. But see \vc err not, brother ; it were ill To let the crystal chalice from thy hand To shatter on the marble ; it were ill If haply some adventurous charioteer Should loose the unbroken colt upon the cliff And rush with it to ruin. But I have seen A steed so noble that in full career He sought, half knowing it, his rider's will ; The light rein curving on the curved neck, The varying accent of the kindly voice, The very windings of the well-known way Linked with a past obedience, were enough. The gallant muscles strained in joyous play ; The curb lay idle, and the steed was free ! O Earth were Heaven, if only every soul Should learn the perfect Liberty of Law ; Burst the mean trammels of its lower self And thus, exulting in ihc fullest play Of its most God-like attributes and powers, Should suffer God to lead it into jo}- ! ( 205 ) SONNETS ON VEXED QUESTIONS. I. W^ILT thou believe ? Let faith on reason rest But reason wisely ; t'were an idle hope To mete an orbit with a microscope, An angle with an acid. For the test Must ever vary with the varying quest. Eye cannot image mind. Enough to know That God-like order in the realm below Bespeaks a God ; to know that in man's breast, There springs an eager longing to be blest. Oh for a Christ to take us by the hand And lead us, lift us to a better land ! Hush, He is near, He calls thee. For the rest See that thy heart be pure, thy way be right. Until the day-spring broaden into light. II. He whose unerring instinct first descried The veiled attributes of finite space Evolved alone his science, pace by pace ; No facts collated, nothing verified By slow observant watch. But truth applied Is other than truth abstract : and to trace (As spirit read in a familiar face) The record of the rainbow : to decide From dark and lucid, narrow bars and wide, The secrets of its solar starting place — This is a power the giants of our race Have won in slowly toiling side by side. Shall we be fools, my friends and stand aloof Till Euclid set his seal on Frauenhofer's proof.? 2o6 Son nets on I 'cxcd Questions. 111. And if \vc leave the circle and the square And matter of the spheres, and higher soar Himself, the all-Creator, to explore And man, his mystic image and his heir, Seek \vc new methods. Let the Spirit bear Joint witness with our spirits. Be the lore Writ for all time by holy men of yore Our list, our handbook ; till, as we compare Things spiritual — lo ! an order fair Where all seemed chaos ; and the bars before Deemed (for we missed the message that they bore) A blemish on the rainbow, shall declare More truth, more beauty than its brightest dye Sends to the heaven-set arch athwart the Western sk-)- IV. " Your God of love created to betray, " And nerved us but to suffer." Brother, no ; For is not sin the protoplasm of woe ? Shall fire not burn ? Shall sword forget to slay ? For that He knew the peril of the way And willed to save His children from the throe, The ripened fruit of error — bad them know Joy pure and perfect, therefore did He say " Thou shalt not." So that hapl)', day by day. Taught of the edged steel, the fire aglow, From .sharper dangers and a fiercer foe They walk unscathed, who loving Him obc)'. Walk in His law, and thou shalt find it so, And know a Father's hand in all His work below. Sonnets on Vexed Questions. 207 V. Spencer, mcthinks the man who thinks the most May think to poorest purpose, so you trace Some self-sown seed of worship in our race, Some pale, thin image of a comrade lost Or foe, though slain, still hated, till a host Of little men-made gods, more frail and base Than they who made them, crowd and darken space. Thou flower of Evolution ! Thine the boast To give mankind a devil's Pentecost And read religion backwards ! Thine the grace Six thousand years of progress to efface And chill our garnered sunshine into frost. Take back th}- boon, O thou who thinkest most, Nor rend away our God, to offer us a ghost. f UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. RECEIVED AUG 17 1983 CiHC. DEPT. URL Form L9-o0m-7. '54 (5990)444 I / THE UBRART UNIVERSnT OF CALIFORNH LOS ANGEI.E3 U112 Leviora i