i
 
 UCSB LIBRARY
 
 MEMOIRS 
 
 OF 
 
 FANNY NEWELL; 
 
 WRITTEN BY HERSELF, 
 
 AVD PUBLISHED 
 
 AT HER PARTICULAR REQUEST, AND THE DESIRE 
 OF NUMEROUS FRIENDS. 
 
 And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit 
 doth rejoice in God my Saviour." — Luke, i. 46, 47. 
 
 SECOND EDITION, 
 
 With Corrections and Improvements. 
 
 TO WHICH ARE NOW ADDED, NUMEROUS INTERESTING LET- 
 TERS, AND A PARTICULAR ACCOUNT OF HER 
 LAST SICKNESS AND DEATH, 
 
 Published by O. Scott and E. F. Newell. 
 
 MERRIAM, LITTLE & CO PRINTERS. 
 
 1832.
 
 Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 
 1S24, by Ebenezer F. Newell, in the Clerk's Office of 
 the District Court of Maine.
 
 ADVERTISEMENT 
 
 TO THE 
 
 SECOND EDITION. 
 
 The first edition of these Memoirs was put 
 to press in the Spring of 1824. Mrs. Newell 
 died on the 17th of April; between which 
 time and the first of June, her Memoirs were 
 printed. In consequence of the great haste 
 in which this edition was printed, (that it 
 might be out before the next session of the 
 New England Conference,) it was imperfect 
 in two respects : — first, all her letters, and a 
 considerable part of her journal toward the 
 close, were necessarily excluded, by fixing 
 the plan of the book too small in the begin- 
 ning; and secondly, what was published 
 was put to press in a very imperfect state. 
 The edition, however, imperfect as it was, 
 consisting of two thousand copies, was soon 
 sold off, and the work has been several years 
 out of print. Numerous and pressing calls 
 from all parts of the country, have led the 
 publishers to resolve on printing another edi- 
 tion. The present edition contains at least 
 one quarter more matter than the first, and
 
 IV ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 the old matter is in an. improved state. The 
 new matter in this edition consists of numer- 
 ous interesting letters, several pages of the 
 closing part of her journal, together with a 
 particular account of her last sickness and 
 deg,th. The whole has been carefully revised 
 and prepared for the pr-ess, by an experienced 
 hand. 
 
 Wholesale purchasers will be supplied on 
 very liberal terms. 
 
 The Publishers. 
 
 Springfield, Jlpril 17, 1832.
 
 MEMOIRS, &c, 
 
 June lOth, 1818. 
 
 Come near, all ye who fear God, and I will 
 declare unto you what the Lord has done for my 
 soul. 
 
 It is the love of my great Redeemer, that con- 
 strains me to write. All glory be given to the Lord 
 in the highest. 
 
 " Salv(tlio7i ! O the joyful sound, 
 " What pleasure to our ears ! 
 "A sovereign balm for every wound, 
 " A cordial for our fears." 
 
 I was born in Sidney, in the county of Kennebec, 
 State of Maine, May 12th, 1793. 
 
 At a very early period of my life I was drawn to 
 seek the living God. But alas ! I rejected the 
 many calls of this most merciful God, putting off the 
 day of repentance, time after time, and still chose to 
 run with the giddy multitude. 
 
 But having now obtained a feeling hope, and 
 evangelical trust and confidence in God my Saviour, 
 I for my own satisfaction sit down to write a true 
 history of my past experience. When quite young 
 I can well remember my being awakened times 
 without number ; and at so very early a period of 
 my life, that I, like young Samuel of old, did not 
 know that it was the Lord. 
 1*
 
 b MEMOIRS OF 
 
 At the early age of five, I was brought to think on 
 deaths, by seeing one of my httle companions dead, 
 and laid by the side of the wall of the house. After 
 attending the funeral of the child, I was afraid to go 
 any where alone in the dark, or to be left alone, for 
 fear I should see the corpse. 
 
 One day as I was alone, it came into my mind 
 with great weight and power. You must pray or be 
 damned. Although I had but little idea of j^rayer, 
 yet without hesitating I arose from my amusement, 
 and went to a window in the chamber where I was, 
 and kneeled down and prayed, but how or for what 
 I know not ; but this one thing I well know, I wept 
 much, and thought it would be a dreadful thing to 
 die unprepared. When I arose from my humble 
 attitude, I felt calm, serene, easy and quiet in my 
 mind for some time, and nothing seemed to cross 
 me. One thing I remember, that when any of the 
 children cried, I wondered how they could do so. 
 But these tender impressions and comfortable feel- 
 ings soon wore away, and I had a relish for childlike 
 plays, and grew up in pride and vanity, for which I 
 now mourn and lament. 
 
 At the age of between nine and ten my careless 
 mind was again awakened by dreams, and many 
 other ways ; some of which I think proper to men- 
 tion. I went to the funeral of an aunt, who was 
 peculiarly dear — a favorite friend of mine. I highly 
 valued her. Hearing that she was dead affected 
 me very much, but when I came to see her corpse, 
 I was so struck, that my poor body shook and trem- 
 bled, whilst tears were roUing down, and fast falling 
 from my eyes ; and death, ghastly death appeared 
 so tenitying to me that I wished I had never been 
 born. My kind father tenderly endeavored to as-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 7 
 
 suage my grief and told me not to cry so bitterly ; 
 nevertheless his parental affection was insufficient to 
 remove the terrors of death, that had sunk so deep 
 into my youthful mind ; nor were they ever fully 
 erased, until the Lord forgave my sins. And al- 
 though lightness and vanity possessed my heart, yet 
 these thoughts would often rush into my mind, and 
 sink down into my heart, You must die and com.e to 
 judgment. As I was returning from the funeral, I 
 thought If my mother should die (who was then 
 sick) what should I do ? 
 
 On my arrival at my father's house, I immediately 
 retired to a secret place, and with a heart big with 
 sorrow, said to myself, to-day I have been gazing 
 on a spectacle, which is a complete looking-glass, 
 in which I may look and see what I must shortly 
 be. I viewed myself as on the brink of ruin, and I 
 was filled with all the horrors of a guilty conscience, 
 and was afraid to stay in the barn. 
 
 I then made many promises to amend my life, 
 a«d began to reflect how, or in what manner I might 
 reform ; and had some resolution to begin that very 
 day. First, I thought I must be more obedient to 
 my parents, and more loving to my brothers and 
 sisters ; but alas, my goodness was like the morning 
 cloud and the early dew, which soon vanishes 
 away. 
 
 I wiped off my tears, and conviction soon left 
 me, and by breaking off my good resolutions, I of 
 course, ran deeper into sin, and became more than 
 ever filled with lightness, vanity, and sins of many 
 descriptions. Yet the good Spirit of the Lord did 
 not leave me, but still strove with me time after 
 time. I had the unspeakable privilege of hearing 
 many powerful sermons, and enjoying many religious
 
 o MEMOIRS OF 
 
 advantages ; and many sorrowful hours and melan- 
 choly seasons did I pass. One day, even whilst I 
 was in my merry career, all my former vows and 
 resolutions came afresh into my mind, and those 
 words, formerly spoken to me, came powerfully into 
 my mind, and with redoubled weight and force sunk 
 down into my heart ; yoii must pray or he damned. 
 And I was immediately arrested and brought to a 
 full stop. My blood chilled in my veins, and with 
 great haste I retired to a secret place, with all my 
 sins in view. I fell on my knees and cried, O 
 Lord, save or I perish. I then arose, and thought 
 to make good the resolutions, which I had before 
 formed. I went home and passed a very restless 
 night ; but O how painful for me to write, while I 
 reflect how I slighted offered mercy, and rejected the 
 counsel of God, against my own soul ! 
 
 Soon I went to my old practices again. But the 
 patient good Spirit of God did not leave me ; it 
 followed me, crying in my ear, " this is ^the way, 
 walk ye in it." But instead of following this good 
 Spirit, I strove hard against it, and pursued closely 
 after the vanities of the world, striving to satisfy my 
 selfish desires, seeking after comibrt and happiness 
 in many ways. But whenever I had obtained this 
 or that object, there was still an aching void, which 
 the world can never fill ; and notwithstanding the 
 many calls of God, which I have had from time to 
 time, I was rushing hastily on in the broad frequented 
 road that leads to death. My heart grew harder 
 and harder, being more and more accustomed to 
 rebel against God. 
 
 At length my parents were awakened to see their 
 need of religion, and soon obtained a pardon of 
 their sins and became members of the church.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. V 
 
 This had some effect upon my mind. I was glad 
 that they had obtained mercy. 
 
 The first night that my father set up the worship 
 of God in his house, was a memorable night to me. 
 He first took his Bible, and requested the children to 
 sit down, and then told us what God had done for 
 him, and his determination to serve him. He fur- 
 ther stated, that he was sorry, that he had by exam- 
 ple lead us so long in the paths of vanity, and that 
 he had lived before us in revelHng and mirth. But, 
 said he, I am determined by the grace of God to 
 lead a new life, and now begin by reading his holy 
 word, which I have so long, to my confusion, neg- 
 lected, and by setting up his worship in my house. 
 
 I heard all these particulars with great attention, 
 and trembling took hold upon me ; accordingly he 
 read a chapter, and like David he said by practice, 
 *' Come, let us worship, let us bow down, let us 
 kneel before the Lord." He then humbled himself 
 upon his knees to pray. But what heart rendings 
 I then had ; I could have freely cried aloud ; but 
 strove hard to hide my feelings, for fear of being 
 discovered by my brothers and sisters. I stood near 
 the chamber door, and as soon as he had closed his 
 affecting prayer, I immediately retired to my cham- 
 ber, and in groans and sighs passed the night. For 
 a season I was greatly affected with a sight of my 
 situation as a sinner, and often wished thai I was in 
 possession of a substantial hope and confidence in 
 God, that would effectually take away the fear of 
 death. 
 
 In this situation I went to a Friends' meefing, and 
 heard a woman preach by the name of Thankful 
 Huzzy. I was so much affected by what she said, 
 that I could not refrain from weeping. — The first
 
 10 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 words which she spoke, were, " Little children, a 
 new commandment I give unto you, that you should 
 love one another." I went home, and took my 
 Bible, and read a number of chapters in the book of 
 Psalms, which appeared beautiful to me beyond 
 description. I cried out, why have I not read this 
 book more! — resolving to read it every day. I 
 was so much aifected with what I had read, that I 
 retired to a secret place, where I might give vent to 
 sighs and longing desires for salvation. When I 
 had reached the spot, I opened the good book, and 
 read of the sufferings of Christ throughout to his 
 death. 1 said within myself, If I had been there, 
 I would not have thus cruelly treated him ; I would 
 have been his friend ; I could not have mocked him, 
 nor spit upon him, neither could I have done as the 
 soldiers did, pierce him with a spear. Then it 
 came into my mind, as if some one had spoken it 
 to me by way of question, what are you better than 
 they were ? ! cried I, more like the penitent 
 thief upon the cross, who said, " Lord, remember 
 me." I strove to call on God for help, and then 
 returned to the house, and opened the hymn book 
 on these expressive lines ; 
 
 " Come, thou fount of every blessing, 
 " Tune my heart to sing thy praise ; 
 " Streams of mercy never faiUng, 
 " Call for songs of loudest praise." 
 
 Woful to relate ! after this I became an impeni- 
 tent sinner, hair hung and breeze shaken over the 
 gulf of ruin. I strove to hide myself under the 
 cloak of fore-ordinatioii, and at any time when I 
 was disturbed with the thoughts of dying and going 
 to Hell, I would often say to myself, if I am to be
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 11 
 
 saved, I shall be ; and if I am to be lost, I shall 
 be ; and so I strove to lull conscience to rest. — But 
 this was only a fig-leaf covering ; for although I 
 rested considerably easy for some time, even when 
 dangers alarmed me on either hand, saying if my 
 time is come to die, I must die ; and if I am to 
 suffer a violent death of any kind ; such as being 
 torn in pieces by a bear of the woods, I cannot 
 evade the decrees of God. With these, and like 
 reflections, I could sometimes assuage my fears in 
 a measure. 
 
 About this time my eldest sister became , serious, 
 and it was thought, that she experienced a change 
 of heart at a quarterly meeting. She returned very 
 much altered, and I was truly glad, and resolved to 
 set out with her as soon as she should open the way 
 by telling me her experience, as I expected she 
 would, and that she would talk with me about my 
 own soul's concern ; but to my surprise she did not. 
 I watched her in every thing in hopes to learn some- 
 thing of the good way. For a while she was con- 
 stant in secret prayer, and reading the sacred word 
 of God ; but all her goodness was like the early 
 dew, soon worn away, and she became more vain 
 and light than before. 
 
 My father's faithfulness and good instructions 
 from time to time affected my poor heart very much ; 
 especially one circumstance. I retired to rest one eve- 
 ning before family prayer, but was awfully harassed 
 all night, and notwithstanding this, I thought I would 
 try it once more. Accordingly I retired to my 
 lodging room at an early hour, as before, to see if it 
 would affect me as formerly. I had but just laid 
 down, when my father called out, " Girls, are you 
 gone to bed]" '* Yes sir," was the answer.—
 
 12 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 " Well ! what if you should awake in hell before 
 morning ?" My bed could hold me no longer ; I 
 arose and with hasty steps went into the room and 
 stayed until after prayers, and then retired with my 
 mind somewhat more calm and serene ; and my 
 fluttering heart more at ease. 
 
 At another time I dreamed that Satan was rock- 
 ing me to sleep in a cradle. I awoke and my bed 
 was shaking under me, and the whole house ap- 
 peared to be rolling. I was much affrighted, and 
 thought it was a reality. I arose in haste, and went 
 into another room, and to my surprise found the 
 family up. I asked, What is the matter ? There- 
 ply was, " There is an earthquake." It was over, 
 and my affright in a measure was over also. O 
 how did sin abound in my poor disordered soul — 
 wild distraction reigned in my heart and life, whilst 
 adding sin to sin ; and thereby " treasuring up 
 ivraih against the day of wrath," as saith the apos- 
 tle Paul. My heart was so hard, that I could sit 
 and hear the most powerful sermons with careless 
 indifference, and without remorse of conscience, 
 considering myself quite secure under my old 
 shield of fatality before mentioned. 
 
 At length the thunders from mount Sinai struck 
 my heart, rent my garment, and I was left naked 
 before God. I found the commandments of God 
 were truth, and fatality was false. Here I stood 
 in the wide open world, not knowing which way to 
 go, or where to flee ; the poet's striking thoughts 
 running through my mind. 
 
 " The sinner must be born again, 
 " Did loud as thunder roll." 
 
 Everlasting praise belongs to that God, who gives
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 13 
 
 sight to the blind, ears to the deaf, and feet to the 
 lame ; and (as in former days) he made use of clay 
 to open my blind eyes, and spake through one of 
 his dear servants to the awakening of my soul 
 once more. Yes ! by that ever dear and memora- 
 ble servant of the Lord, Henry Martin, who soon 
 after died in the triumphs of faith, on Parker's Isl- 
 and, at the mouth of the Kennebec River ; and is 
 now praising God in Paradise, I have not a doubt. 
 — Does his spirit know, that this poor child retains 
 a sense of pardoning love, which he was instru- 
 mental of promoting ? Whether it be so or not, 
 may the merciful God bring me to meet him in 
 Heaven, where we may recount the pleasing theme 
 in endless day. 
 
 The first time I ever heard him preach was at my 
 father's house. The text was in Exodus, xxxii. 
 12. "Who is on the Lord's side ?" and his words 
 were sent home to my heart with power like seven 
 fold peals of thunder. I at first strove to hide from 
 my rude companions the feelings of my heart by 
 resisting the truth, thinking only on the vanities of 
 my gay circle ; and with songs and merry tales to 
 entertain my mind so as not to weep at what the 
 preacher said. But this was all in vain ; for truths, 
 like arrows from the Lord, flew thick and fast, and 
 were plunged deep into my wounded heart, so that 
 I could not refrain from weepino- aloud, although 
 my sighs and groans were heard by all around. 
 
 After the meeting was closed, the preacher be- 
 gan to converse with some of the people, who 
 were nearest to him ; speaking to them concerning 
 their souls. I resolved not to give him an opportu- 
 nity of conversing with me, and in order to shun 
 him I immediately retired, and my example was 
 2
 
 14 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 followed by a number of my rude mates, who be- 
 gan to speak lightly of the preacher, and I joined 
 them — a thing which I believe I was never heard 
 to do before ; for I concluded that it ivas as bad to 
 speak against a minister, as it was to speak against 
 my parents ; — but I believe it was the enemy who 
 pushed me forward in it, for he strove hard to de- 
 vour my poor soul ; and it is of the Lord's mercy 
 that I am not consumed. The speaker tarried all 
 night at my father's house ; in the morning he im- 
 proved his time in conversing with the family, but I 
 was very careful to keep out of the room, and 
 when I was called to attend on family worship, I 
 stood by the door, and when he said Amen ! I re- 
 tired immediately. He exhorted the rest of the fa- 
 mily some time, and I was much afraid that he would 
 speak to me also. I took my work and sat down 
 in the kitchen, expecting thereby to escape his no- 
 tice ; but as soon as he had freed his mind with 
 them, he came in and seated himself near where I 
 was sitting, and had it not been for fear of treating 
 him irreverently, I should have immediately left the 
 room. I resolved therefore to keep my seat in si- 
 lence, but his words were to me sharper than any 
 two edged sword, and I began to tremble, while he 
 opened in a plain and easy way my dangerous con- 
 dition, whilst remaining irreconciled to God. — At 
 length I frankly acknowledged that I had often felt 
 the need of pure religion, and saw clearly that I 
 was a sinner — he said " if you will kneel down I 
 will pray for you now ; but I did not yield to his re- 
 quest. He then asked me, if I ever prayed for 
 myself; to which I made him no answer. "Well, 
 (said he) if you will try to pray for yourself one week, 
 I will by the help of God try to pray for you." O
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 15 
 
 what inward horror I then felt thrill through my 
 whole soul! Conviction then awoke in my poor 
 heart to a great degree. 
 
 As soon as he left the room, I retired to the barn, 
 that at a " manger" I might pray to him who was 
 born in the " stable at Bethlehem." With a heart 
 big with grief and eyes streaming with tears, I fell 
 on my knees, and was dumb before my God, whilst 
 sorrow overwhelmed me ; in grief I then came to 
 a determination to seek the Lord with all diligence. 
 I arose and walked towards the house and began to 
 reflect, that my sisters would know how I felt, and 
 laugh at me ; therefore I washed my face and ap- 
 peared as cheerful as I could ; yet my conviction 
 was so keen and pungent, that it was impossible for 
 me to conceal it altogether ; for like Nehemiah 
 of old, my countenance was sad for about one 
 week ; in which time I had a great sense of my 
 sins and of the wrath of God against the sinner ; 
 which I thought must soon tall on my devoted head, 
 because I had sinned in so high a degree against 
 the best of beings. 
 
 On the Sabbath following I attended a meeting 
 near my lather's. When I retired to dress myself 
 for the assembly, my clothes looked too gay for me, 
 and I said within myself, what can all this mean — 
 formerly my clothing never used to be half gay 
 enough ; but now I took one handkerchief after 
 another, and at length said to myself, / cannot ap- 
 pear in the congregation before God with any one 
 of these, on which I have wasted so much of his 
 precious time in needless work of stitching and 
 flowering, of which I now repent; for I might 
 have improved that blood-bought time to better 
 purpose. My heart said truly, I am more fit to be
 
 16 MEMOIRS OP 
 
 clothed with sackcloth and to sit down in ashes, 
 than to adorn this dying clay in needle work. I 
 went to my dear mother and asked her for a plain 
 handkerchief. After I was plainly attired, I went 
 forth. At first sight my sisters reproached me with 
 an intention of becoming a quaker. I said nothing, 
 but my tears flowed plentifully, whilst inwardly I 
 said, if you could but know what I feel within, you 
 could not laugh. 
 
 I went to meeting with a solemn desire to obtain 
 religion, and was not ashamed to let the world 
 know that I wanted to become a real Christian more 
 than I wanted all things else ; yea I felt a resolu- 
 tion to forsake the foolish and live to God in the 
 way of understanding ; to turn to God Vvith full 
 purpose of heart, and seek the salvation of my im- 
 mortal soul. 
 
 When I came to the place of worship, there was 
 nothing which took any particular hold of my mind, 
 and my heart seemed to be hardened ; and here the 
 enemy began to reason with me, and took great ad- 
 vantage of my poor inexperienced mind, as I was 
 very ignorant of all his devices, and too ready to 
 believe his suggestions ; whereby he soon made me 
 ashamed of ever attempting to pray or say any thing 
 about my having a desire of religion. The follow- 
 ing are some of the reasonings, which powerfully 
 impressed my mind. — Thou foolish child ! why dost 
 thou think to seek God now in the days of thy 
 youth — you will thereby lose the best part of your 
 cheerful days — look at those Christians and see 
 how melancholy they arc — O how lonesome are 
 their lives — they go mourning all their days and 
 have no pleasure— day and night they mourn ! 
 What, said I, have these Christians no pleasure ?
 
 Fanny newell. IT 
 
 who then can have pleasure ? or where can pleas- 
 ure be found ] The answer came to me in the 
 form of a question ; thus, Have you not felt more 
 miserable since you began to seek the Lord tha^r 
 you did before you listened to things of a pioufe 
 nature? I answered thus in my mind — there 
 must be a difference or the Bible cannot be true ; 
 for yesterday I read of the righteous, that their 
 peace shall be as a river — and of the wicked, that 
 there is no peace to the wicked saith my God — 
 they are like the troubled sea which cannot rest, 
 whose waters cast up mire and dirt. But stop, 
 said the enemy, only think how much happier you 
 were when in your merry circle than you are 
 now, — therefore give up all these dull and awful 
 thoughts of death and eternity. O, be much 
 ashamed for your enthusiastic conduct and become 
 gay, pleasant and lively, which so much becomes a 
 youth like you. 
 
 Reflections, thus rushing in like a flood, soon 
 overpowered my resolutions, and I began to hold 
 down my head much chagrined, and thought that 
 every body knew just how I felt, and what had pass- 
 ed in my mind. O how thoughtless, said I to my- 
 self, I was to come here so meanly dressed, for I 
 had left some of my former gaiety at home. I had 
 reasoned so long with the enemy of all good that 
 my heart was hardened, and I dropped all my pious 
 resolutions of seeking the Lord until a more con- 
 venient opportunity ; doting on a long life and much 
 pleasure in the ways of sin and folly. O what a 
 poor deluded girl I was, er.snared, blinded and much 
 entangled by the gods of this world, and did not as 
 yet discover the deception. I went home with a 
 wandering mind, and did not return to the afternoon 
 2*
 
 18 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 meeting because of shame ; and the week passed 
 on without my having any very serious impres- 
 sions ; nor did I attend secret prayer or use any of 
 the means of grace, while stupidity possessed my 
 mind, till toward the close of the week, when the 
 time of Henry Martin's appointment to preach 
 drew near, and we expected him to return. 
 
 The fear of man now began to take hold of me, 
 and I was much troubled about how I should meet 
 him, or what I should say to him ; for I had prom- 
 ised to pray in secret until he returned. When the 
 day arrived that he was to preach and I was prepar- 
 ing for meeting, a thought darted into my mind as 
 though some one had spoken to me, saying, I will 
 tell you how you can let the minister know, that you 
 have given up seeking the Lord for the salvation of 
 your soul, without speaking a word. Take your 
 nubs and put them into your ears again, curl your 
 hair, and put on your ornaments, and he will imme- 
 diately see that you have gone back to your old 
 course again. Accordingly I did so, and thought I 
 should thereby escape the particular notice of his 
 eye. 
 
 In this I was disappointed and much mistaken ; 
 for as soon as he entered the room, he fixed his 
 eyes on me, and before he spoke to any one in the 
 room, he came to me and told me all my heart, and 
 as I thought knew all that had passed my mind and 
 how I then felt — and truly his words were not with- 
 out effect, but sharp like a sword they pierced my 
 heart to the quick, and I began to tremble as though 
 limb by limb all would fall from my body. Once 
 more I dared to hft a desire to God for mercy, and 
 said in my heart, most merciful God ! if thou wilt 
 give me strength to rise once more from my seat.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 19 
 
 and spare my life to retire, I will go to my bed 
 room, and if I am now to die, I have a desire there 
 to die upon my knees in preference to any other 
 position. As soon as he had done speaking to me, 
 I arose and passed through the kitchen, where the 
 people had began to assemble for meeting — the 
 dread of Jehovah had taken away any fear of the 
 people ; for as I passed through the room I took 
 down a pair of shears, and cut off the curls which 
 I had made in my hair, and threw them into the 
 fire in sight of the people, and retiring to my bed 
 room, fell on my knees and begged for mercy, and 
 soon I wet my handkerchief so that I could have 
 wrung out water. It was now time for meeting. 
 I spread my wet handkerchief to dry, took another 
 and went to meeting, and never did I experience 
 such a scene before — every thing which I had ever 
 done that was wrong appeared to pass before me — 
 and I could heartily say with the poet, 
 
 " O let me weep my life away, 
 " For having grieved thy love." 
 
 I viewed myself a wretched undone sinner, hair 
 hung and breeze shaken over the gulf of ruin, 
 and feared greatly that mercy was clean gone — 
 forever gone, and nothing remained for me but 
 to drop into the " lake where the worm dieth not 
 and the fire is not quenched." Nevertheless, my 
 cry was, O Lord, have mercy on a rebel like me — 
 one of the vilest of the vile. 
 
 " O ! cast a pitying look, all goodness as thou art, 
 '-' Like that which faithless Peter's broke, on my obdurate 
 heart. 
 
 At the close of the meeting, when the last prayer
 
 20 MEMOIRS OP 
 
 was made, I rose from my seat and fell on my 
 knees, and I was not ashamed to tell the world 
 now, that I had a renewed desire to seek true re- 
 ligion at the loss of all things else in the world, 
 although my case appeared to me to be desperate. 
 From this time June, 1S08, until October following, 
 I continued to plead to the most merciful God to 
 show pity, and pardon a repenting sinner. No 
 tongue can describe, or language paint the feelings 
 of my mind during these sorrowful months. Hop- 
 ing that the candid reader of these lines may gain 
 some benefit, I will attempt to note down some of 
 them. Filled with sorrow, I went mourning day 
 after day, night after night, and month after month* 
 while every thing around, wherever I turned my 
 eye, seemed to be dressed in mourning on my ac- 
 count. I read my Bible — but it all was dark — 
 to me it was a sealed book. 
 
 It was my constant practice to retire, when the 
 weather would admit, between sunset and dark to 
 the lonely field, where I might be alone before God, 
 where I might not be interrupted while pouring out 
 my tears and prayers into the bosom of my compas- 
 sionate Redeemer. And very frequently I would stay 
 and wrestle in prayer until a very late hour of the 
 night ; yet I found no relief. Thus I wandered, day 
 after day, with increasing sorrows. Often I was temp- 
 ted to leave my father's house and wander to some 
 lonely desert, and there let hunger take away my 
 miserable life ; thinking it would be better thus to 
 end my days than to destroy myself in any other 
 way. It is of the Lord's mercy that I am alive. 
 Often I would look on the happy birds of the air, 
 and say, ye fowls of the wood ! lend me your 
 wings that I may fly to the utmost bounds of ere-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 21 
 
 ation and hide myself from the sight of all living — ■ 
 
 that I could be hid from the face of him, who sittelh 
 on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb. — ■ 
 But these words came to my mind — if you go to the 
 utmost parts of the earth, behold he is there! if you 
 make your bed in hell, his justice will find you there ! 
 Alas ! what shall I do, or where shall I jflee ; I 
 am like a bird chased ; I fear that my maker is my 
 enemy. — I know that vengeance belongeth to God : 
 — my terror is lest his indignation should fall on 
 my head. I see the axe is laid at the root of my 
 tree, and the voice of justice is," cut it down, why 
 cumbereth it the ground."! have had a day of grace 
 and space for repentance but I improved it not ; 
 and I cannot find mercy although I seek it care- 
 fully with tears. 
 
 The next day was a sorrowful day to me. I read 
 the holy Bible but could not find one passage for my 
 encouragement — all seemed to be against me, and 
 so terrifying — that I laid the sacred pages by and 
 cried ; O that I had some one who was capable of 
 speaking to me on things of eternal worth, into 
 whose compassionate heart I could pour my in- 
 creasing sorrows. At length the sable curtain of 
 the evening began to spread its dismal shadow,, 
 and tears began to rise in my mind about retir- 
 ing into the fields for devotion, as I had formerly 
 done ; lest satan should destroy me — But a thought 
 rushed into my mind, take the Bible — that is God^s 
 holy word and satan cannot touch you whilst you 
 hold that. Accordingly I took the holy treasure, 
 and went before the light of day was wholly gone, 
 and as I walked along, it appeared plain to me that 
 two spirits went with me, one before, and the other be- 
 hind ; — the one before had cords in his hands, which 
 
 1 thought were fastened in my heart and drew me
 
 22 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 towards him. This was so affecting to me that I 
 cried aloud, Lord., have mercy on me ! for I thought 
 it was my Saviour, and that in this way he was 
 holding me from the power of the adversary, who 
 was just behind, ready to tear me in pieces — with 
 his cruel arms extended on either side, ready to 
 clasp me in as I walked along ; which caused me 
 often to start quick as if to shun his grasp, and look- 
 ing round expecting to see his horrid shape. In 
 this way I came to a lonesome spot, quite retired, 
 and there resolved to sit down, and meditate on my 
 situation. 
 
 I opened my Bible and read in Luke xiv. 31. 
 " What king, going to make war against another 
 king, sitteth not down first and consulteth, whether 
 he be able with ten thousand, to meet him that Com- 
 eth against him with twenty thousand ?" Now I 
 was ready to say, I am not able — I am a reprobate, 
 and may as well give up all for lost as not — and for 
 some time I was on the brink of despair, and could 
 neither pray nor read. 
 
 When I returned to the house, I was much sur- 
 prised to find the people waiting for me, seeing it 
 was so late an hour. I requested the privilege of 
 lodging alone, and as soon as I had retired, I again, 
 prostrate by the side of my bed, renewed my peti- 
 tions for the least drop of mercy from the throne 
 of a just and holy God, for the alone merits of the 
 adorable Saviour; yet I found no relief in my 
 mind. Being very considerably fatigued, I threw 
 myself across the top of the bed, and had the fol- 
 lowing view. It appeared to me as though there 
 was no roof on the house, but like Abraham of old" 
 I was brought out under the open firmament with 
 the penetrating eye of Jehovah upon me, and de^
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 23 
 
 mons around me ready to carry me to the dismal 
 abodes of the damned. What language can paint 
 the dismal state of my distressed mind — every 
 nerve vv^as convulsed in the midst of that /ear which 
 hath torment. Here I was plunged, hanging only 
 by one small thread, and that too almost fretted off, 
 whilst my language was, O my sins, my cruel sins, 
 what have you done 1 will Satan have my captive 
 soul at last — must I interment dwell? Suddenly 
 my chamber appeared as light as day, and I saw a 
 man hanging on a cross, and it immediately came 
 into my mind, that it was Jesus who died for me. 
 His head was inclining to one shoulder and turned 
 from me, as though he saw me not. — I waited — and 
 longed that he would cast one pitying look on me, 
 and speak peace to my troubled soul. But ! 
 my grief there is none can tell. — He turned his 
 head and fixed his eyes on me with a frown, as 
 though he had cast me off for ever. I cried out, 
 I am damned ! I am damned ! I am forever gone ! 
 Language can never describe my feelings. I veri- 
 ly thought myself amongst the infernal crew, where 
 they were blaspheming the name of the most high 
 God. But I could not join them, nor even blame 
 my Maker for casting me off; for I said, it is just. 
 Here I had such a view of the justice of God 
 in my condemnation, that I said with the Apostle, 
 " Every mouth shall be stopped and all the world 
 become guilty before God." I knew that I was 
 guilty and deserved death — but where to look or 
 which way to fly for help I knew not — I could only 
 exclaim against myself When I first came to 
 leaHze where I w^s, these words were in my mind ; 
 
 " How can a lost sinner in pain, * 
 
 Recover his I'orleited peace ;
 
 24 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Will Mercy itself bo so kind, 
 As to give him a happy release ?" 
 
 I immediately left the bed for my knees — but was 
 dumb, and despair pressed me down like a weight 
 of lead. " S 
 
 Daylight once more appeared, yet brought noth- 
 ing pleasing to me. It looked more gloomy to 
 me than the dark night and rolling tempest ; yea, 
 every thing wore a melancholy aspect. My food 
 became unpleasant and bitter. I mingled my drink 
 with weeping. Day after day passed on whilst I 
 remained in this lonely state of mind. I was often 
 tempted to destroy my own hfe, while sleep de- 
 parted from me, and I could do but htde work. 
 My flesh wasted from my bones as fast as though 
 I had been sick with a disease. 
 
 When I read my Bible, it was most plain and 
 evident that a sinner must be born again — or 
 never see the kingdom of God ; yet I argued, this 
 new birth is not for me — I am certainly a reprobate, 
 and my dwelling must be with everlasting burnings. 
 
 I sought God daily in his word, 
 
 But him I could not have ; 
 I called and cried, my love, my Lord, 
 
 But he no answer gave. 
 
 One day in my lonely retirement, seeking a se- 
 questered spot for reading, meditation and prayer, 
 I began to search the inspired page in order to find 
 how justification comes ; for I thought I had not 
 sought aright, or I should have found the Lord to 
 the joy and peace of my mind before now. I 
 clearly saw it was by faith, as saith , the Apostle, 
 " By grace are ye saved though faith and that not 
 of yourselves— it is the gift of God" Again, " all
 
 FANJHy NEWELL. 35 
 
 men have not faith." I argued, faith is the gift 
 of God, and I am one of them from whom God has 
 v»ithho]den this blessing, and yet I was conscious that 
 it wassomethingwhich I must have,or never be justifi- 
 ed before God ; seeing the "jws/" Hve by faith. Here 
 many passages of Scripture came to my mind with 
 great sweetness, hght and power — such as these ; 
 " Dost thou beheve that I am able to do this ?" 
 "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to 
 them who believe." " Believe on the Son of God 
 and thou shalt be saved." " Only beheve, and 
 thou shalt he made whole." Here I, like one of 
 old, with tears fell down, saying, " Lord I believe, 
 help thou my unbelief." I kneeled down — I was 
 lost to all around for some time, and whether I fell 
 asleep through weakness of bodily infirmity and 
 want of rest, or not, I cannot tell, but when I came to 
 myself, I was on my feet praising the Lord in the 
 poet's words. 
 
 "O for a trumpet's \oice 
 On all the v/orld to call, 
 And bid their hearts rejoice 
 In Htm, who died for all." 
 
 The wide creation appeared to be charming me 
 with pleasant scenes, whilst even the little birds 
 united with me in praises to God, 
 
 In the midst of these ecstacies, suddenly and 
 unexpectedly I was stopped by a voice, that seemed 
 to utter the following words; "What! are you 
 praising God ? even that God who cannot look upon 
 sin with the least allowance — the demons themselves 
 might as well praise him. Do you know what you 
 are praising him for? You had better wait until 
 your sins are forgiven. You have committed the 
 3
 
 26 MEMOIRS OP 
 
 unpardonable sin, and Satan is sure of you now, 
 and you had better give over all use of the means of 
 grace, — what benefit will they bring to you 1 — they 
 will only add to your condemnation, and increase 
 your torment." These things rolled down upon 
 me, and passing through my mind, gave me an 
 awful shock, damped all my former desires, whilst 
 stupidity prevailed over my mind, and I returned to 
 the house with my heart apparently hard and unfeel- 
 ing. During several days my mind remained in 
 much the same state of preponderance in favor of 
 giving my soul up for lost. 
 
 At this critical period, that ever to be remembered, 
 Henry Martin, my dear father in the Gospel, came 
 to my father's house. His anxiety for my ever- 
 lasting and best good was the same as formerly ; 
 and when I had related to him the state of my mind, 
 he used all his energies to remove me from my 
 errors, and instruct me in the good and right way. 
 On that same day he had an appointment at about 
 two miles distance. He requested me to go with 
 him to meeting. I told him I had rather not, for I 
 was upon the point of giving up all means of grace, 
 nor could I consent to attend any more meetings, 
 lest it should increase my misery, and make my 
 torment so much the greater when I should have to 
 take up my lodging in the horrible place, where the 
 worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. But 
 that dear servant of the Lord felt too much interest 
 in the salvation of my soul to give me up. He 
 answered my arguments, removed all my objections 
 and excuses, until at length I yielded to his request 
 and consented to go. As I mounted my horse and 
 turned to ride off, I cried in my heart, O ! that I 
 may never return to this place in the same spirit
 
 PANNY NEWELL. 27 
 
 that I leave it. 0! for an alteration, better or 
 worse, — O Lord ! better or worse, let me know the 
 worst of my case ; — and my prayer was not alone ; 
 for I believe that dear, faithful servant of God, 
 prayed at every breath and every step he took. 
 Sometimes he would drop a word of encouragement 
 in hopes to administer some relief to me ; but 
 nothing seemed to reach my poor desponding heart. 
 Words such as the following would thrill through 
 my mind like electricity — " you will be damned — 
 hell is your portion, and thither you must go." 
 Thus through the thick, dark, and dismal cloud I 
 waded and waded, where there was not a single star 
 to give the least glimmer of light, and it appeared to 
 me, that I should be carried down in the whirpool of 
 despair. 
 
 At length we arrived at the place of meeting, but 
 my mind was so deeply exercised, that I could not 
 tell how or what was preached ; nevertheless a con- 
 stant cry for mercy filled my mind. I inquired, O 
 Lord Jesus, thou Saviour of fallen man, didst thou 
 pour out thy blood in sacrifice for me, and wilt thou 
 not permit me to wash in that fountain and be clean ? 
 Truly my soul was in agonies for pardoning mercy 
 — only one gracious drop of his most precious blood 
 would heal my soul. 
 
 One dark hour more did I sustain, 
 And then the night was past ; 
 Though I had sought so long in vain, 
 I found the Lord at last. 
 
 Here I shall relate some of my views with the 
 hope of benefitting those into whose hands these 
 lines may happen to be cast. Whilst I sat under 
 preaching my desire for salvation increased greatly.
 
 ^O MEMOIRS OF 
 
 After sermon I had an impression to rise and request 
 prayer particularly for me, hoping that God would 
 hear his people in my behalf, but I did not then. 
 It then came with distress to my heart, " Your dam- 
 nation is sealed;" which so affected me, that I 
 trembled like a leaf in the wind. At length my 
 limbs were so stiff that I could not bend them, and 
 my tongue was stiff in my mouth, and I verily 
 thought I was dying, and should be damned. 
 Reader, judge if you can, what I then felt ! But if 
 you have never experienced a like state of despair, 
 it is impossible for you to form a just conception of 
 mine. 
 
 My situation was soon discovered by the people ; 
 for being asked by a Mrs. Densmore, if I was not 
 going home, as some of the people had gone out, I 
 could not answer her ; whereupon the preacher 
 came to me and began to inquire after my mind ; 
 but he saw my condition and called to the people of 
 God to come back and join in prayer for my poor 
 soul. He then said to me, " If you will kneel 
 down with us, we will all try to pray for you." I 
 thought if the Lord would condescend to give me 
 strength to kneel once more that I might die upon 
 my knees, it was all that I asked. He did so ; and 
 as I kneeled down these words came to me as 
 though some one had spoken them to me, and I 
 know not but they were spoken by some one present. 
 
 "Renounce the world, the flesh and devil, 
 You sliall have pardon, peace and Heaven^ 
 
 Immediately I was lost to all that was around me, 
 and the exercise of my mind was such, that if 
 prayer was made for me, I knew it not ; for when 
 the above words " Renounce," &c. came to me.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 29 
 
 the mighty struggle of my mind cannot be told. I 
 asked, How can I renounce the world ? — for in- 
 deed I thought I had ; but it came to me thus, If 
 God should now convert your soul, would you ever 
 after lead a new life, allowing you should live twen- 
 ty years l JVo, you cannot — you would soon turn 
 to the beggarly elements of the world : therefore 
 you had better curse God and die ; for he is an hard 
 master, requiring hard things of his creatures. On- 
 ly think you have been asking, pleading, and beg- 
 ging for six long months, and the Lord has given 
 you no tokens of favour ; you have had nothing but 
 tribulation, anguish and keen distress — give up this 
 very moment — do not ask once more. To this my 
 groaning heart said. How can I give up willingly to 
 be destroyed ? — I must, I will plead for mercy, un- 
 til the brittle thread of life is worn off and cut asun- 
 der ! Yet the shrill voice of the enemy cried con- 
 tinually through my mind, " There is no mercy for 
 you." But these things only served to make me 
 cry the more earnestly, with all my might, like poor 
 blind Bartimeus of old, " Jesus, thou son of David, 
 have mercy on me." Like Abraham, I was now 
 surrounded with a body of darkness — enveloped in 
 blackness of darkness and an horrible gloom. It 
 appeared to me that this was the last time I should 
 ever have to ask for mercy ; and I feared that what 
 I then felt was only a faint glimmer of what I should 
 soon feel. 
 
 O how near I passed to that dreadful gulf. T 
 tremble whilst I write. I am truly a brand plucked 
 out of the burning. Through the cloud of darkness 
 that surrounded me, I saw a small ray of light, and 
 my eyes seemed fixed upon it. This light increas- 
 ed, until at length it appeared as large as the blaze 
 3*
 
 so MEMOIRS OF 
 
 of a candle, only differing in color. Then I saw 
 the appearance of a man, and then the darkness 
 which had surrounded me withdrew and stood in a 
 body before me ; which I thought to be my sins, 
 and they appeared like mountains piled on moun- 
 tains, and that the man who presented himself to my 
 view was Christ ; and that he was about to utter 
 an awful sentence against me, and command my 
 sins to roll upon me, and crush me down to ever- 
 lasting ruin. There hkewise appeared to be de- 
 mons, waiting to drag my poor soul down to the 
 bottomless pit. I cried, Doomed I am justly — 
 doomed I am justly — have mercy on a poor hell- 
 deserving sinner ! That kind Saviour, whose name 
 is mercy and whose nature is love, replied, " Give 
 me your heart ;" to which I answered with all my 
 energy, Lord, I freely give up every thing, and my 
 heart, my wicked heart too. In a few moments he 
 smiled and said, " I have taken thy sins away and 
 put them upon the head of the scape-goat, and sepa- 
 rated them from thee, as far as the east is from the 
 west." Immediately my burden was gone, and I 
 felt something in my heart like a burning fire, at 
 which I cried out. What does all this mean 1 and 
 these words came to my mind — " I will set upon 
 you like a refiner's fire." I sunk down, like gold 
 separated from the dross running into a body pure 
 and clean — my distress was gone and all was calm 
 and serene — but no joy ! I cried, O Lord ! can it 
 be possible that such a rebel as I have been can be 
 pardoned ? if so, be pleased in infinite mercy to give 
 me an evidence of it. Soon my empty hollow 
 heart was filled with love and joy unspeakable, 
 which flowed through all the powers of my soul and 
 body too. I was then made perfectly sensible
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 31 
 
 where I was and what was around me. I arose 
 and praised my God with all my powers of soul 
 and body — yes, I verily believe, that if any creature 
 on earth ever loved and praised God, and knew that 
 it was happy, I was that happy soul. 
 
 "Without one doubt my soul could tell, 
 That Jesus had done all things well." 
 
 When I kneeled down it was about sunset, and 
 when I arose from my humble posture it was about 
 midnight. Thus I continued for hours in the low 
 vale of sorrow, prostrate before the Lord, until he 
 was pleased to show me mercy, and I had experien- 
 ced a pardon of all my sins. 
 
 " Through deep distress 
 My Saviour led me on, 
 And shew'd his love to me, 
 When all my hopes were gone." 
 
 This truly was a happy night to me, every thing ap- 
 peared new and glorious. It being late I concluded 
 to tarry all night, and being much exhausted and 
 worn out by mental exercises, I retired to rest, — 
 like an infant upon the bosom of its parent, I slept 
 on the bosom of my Redeemer ! ! 
 
 I was awake early, and retired in order to pour out 
 my soul in prayer and praise to my Heavenly Father; 
 as I went forth, every thing presented to me new 
 scenes of beauty and grandeur. O how pleasant 
 the morning light, and how strangely differing from 
 the morning before, when dismal grief sat brooding 
 on creation ; but now I cast my eyes around, — 1 
 was lost in wonder — I would stop and even feel 
 myself, saying, " whereas there was no soundness 
 in my flesh, now I am made all over new — I am no
 
 3:3 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 more full of wounds and bruises and putrifying 
 sores, that run in the night — no leprosy now is found 
 on me — 1 am like Naaman of old, who dipped 
 himself seven times in Jordan — yea I am made all 
 over new — I am perfectly whole — ray flesh and 
 my heart are hke a litde child's— now 1 can go and 
 have access to my Heavenly Father with sweet 
 communion. I shall never forget the petition which 
 I asked while wrapped in visions of glory at the 
 throne of Grace, — ever to be kept by his holy arm 
 €>f power from all sin, and to strengthen me with 
 bis might, in which I might travel 
 
 "All thelcngtih of the celestial road 
 To sec and praise my God." 
 
 The fowls of the barn flocked round me, tuning 
 their shrill voices, and as I then thought, joined with 
 all creation to praise my Lord for what he had done 
 for my poor soul. 
 
 I returned to the house and sat down to our morn- 
 ing repast, and such a sweet meal T never eat before. 
 It was spiced with grace, and perfumed with the 
 love&f God. I parted with the endeared family in 
 which I had spent the night, and in company with 
 a sister Densmore, and an aunt Bacon, went on my 
 happy journey towards my father's house. We 
 were a happy company — all of us were new-born 
 souls, just set out on our pilgrimage, journeying to the 
 promised possession, and but a lev/ hours since we 
 had breathed the vital air — born from on high — 
 born of the Spirit, and bound for bright glory. Like 
 the inhabitants ^Zion we sang praises to God, 
 and talked of his goodness as we passed along in 
 the highway, wondering and wondering that the 
 Lord should be so kind as to regard such worms
 
 FANNY NEWELL. i>6 
 
 of the dust, and inspire them to praise his holy 
 name. 
 
 At length we arrived, and my mother met me at 
 the gate, saying " my child, what made you stay all 
 night ^" To which I replied, dear mother, we have 
 had a glorious shaking amongst the dry bones. We 
 went into the house, and I began to tell what the 
 Lord had done for my soul, and we had a weeping 
 and a rejoicing time together. Soon after my dear 
 father came in from the field, when we sung a hymn 
 and all joined in humble prostration at the throne of 
 grace, to render thanks to Almighty God for the 
 great things which he had done for me. My father 
 prayed, and then 1 for the first time opened my 
 mouth in public. ! what an heavenly time — this 
 ever memorable morning was a season of joy and 
 thanksgiving— tmly we rejoiced with the "fatted 
 calf," and like them of old our language was, " the 
 dead is alive^ and the lost is found, and it is meet 
 that we should be glad and rejoice." 
 
 As soon as our raptures were a little subsided I 
 retired into the garden, and orchard; and was 
 struck with new wonder by every thing I saw, and 
 rejoiced in all the works of God's skilful hand ; but 
 most of all that he had taken my feet from that hor- 
 rible pit and miry clay, into which sin had cast me, 
 and had placed me, and established my feet on the 
 rock of ages, and had put a new song into my 
 mouth, even praises to his holy name. I cried out, 
 can this be the same field that I used to travel — is 
 this the same farm — are these the same buildings ? 
 They must be the same, but they are changed. 
 "Ah! no, no!" was the answer, "the change 
 is in yourself — bringing with it a new evidence 
 that I was born of God. I also visited those lonely
 
 S4 MEMOIRS Of* 
 
 spots, where in the days of my mourning, far from 
 human eye, I used to vent my sighs, and make my 
 complaints ; and it appeared as if these all shone 
 with lustre unbounded. I leaped — I walked — I 
 rejoiced that my sorrows were turned into joy — yea 
 I was mounted on the wings of an eagle — almost 
 like Paul I could say, "Whether in the body or not 
 I cannot tell, but this one thing I will do, forgetting 
 the things that are behind, I will press forward to- 
 ward the mark of the high calling of God, which is 
 in Christ Jesus." 
 
 I returned to the house with a glad and a light 
 heart, and my body was as light as my heart. Borne 
 on the wings of faith and love, my raptured soul 
 was filled. On opening the Bible I read the fif- 
 teenth chapter of St John's gospel of our divine 
 Lord, beginning thus, "I am me true vine, ye are 
 the branches." Such a relish for the word of God 
 I never had before experienced — such light and 
 heavenly understanding of the word. I could say 
 with Hezekiah, " Good is the word of the Lord." 
 Very often these words would flow through my 
 peaceful mind ; 
 
 " O wond'rous grace ! 
 
 O boundless love ! 
 
 How deep the mystery lies." 
 
 At length the day passed, and the night for rest 
 appeared. I slept, and I awoke, and found my 
 kind Preserver near ; neither had I slept away my 
 peace, for it was like an overflowing stream, rising 
 higher and higher ; and when I went to my work, 
 it was not a burden as in months past. Da^ after 
 day passed ^nd I could say with the poet ;
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 35 
 
 " Not a cloud did arise 
 To darken my skies, 
 Or hide for a moment 
 My Lord from my eyes." 
 
 All was calm, and joy, and peace, nor could I remain 
 silent — and no one, who had been acquainted with 
 my situation in the months just passed, wondered to 
 hear me speak in a cause so good as that of relig- 
 ion, pure and undefiled ; for I was taken from the 
 low dungeon of despair, and brought into the liberty 
 of the sons of God. I had been like one con- 
 demned to death, and sentenced to be hanged, who 
 had received a pardon, and was restored to his life, 
 and his friends, and more abundant mercy. I was 
 raised from the gates of an eternal hell, where the 
 worm dieth not, and the lire is not quenched, and 
 placed where I could rejoice in hope of eternal rest 
 at God's right hand. O glory, glory be to God who 
 reigns on high ! 
 
 Sabbath, October, 1808. 
 I went to meeting in what is called the Pond Set- 
 tlement, and had a glorious waiting upon the Lord. 
 It was the first Sabbath that I had really lived upon 
 the earth. I could say these words in sincerity ; 
 
 "0 that I could all invite 
 
 This saving truth to prove, 
 
 And show the length, and breadth, and height, 
 
 And depth of Jesus' love." 
 
 On the next Sabbath the meeting was holden near 
 my father's, and it was a good meeting to me. It 
 was the first time of my having the privilege of tell- 
 ing my young friends what the Lord had done for 
 my soul, m a public congregation, since 1 had found
 
 36 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 deliverance ; and a most memorable time it was— 
 tears of joy and grief floAved in abundance, whilst 
 the saints of God rejoiced, and sinners were cut to 
 the heart — while I could only say, " Glory to God 
 in the highest, peace on earth, and good will towards 
 poor guilty man !" For my soul was full of glory, 
 neither was my joy confined here. From day 
 to day I went on rejoicing in God my Saviour^ 
 and was prepared to say, " Lord ! thy word is 
 truth indeed ; — thy yoke is easy, and thy burden is 
 light." 
 
 I was soon pressed, by a sense of duty, to join 
 the people of God, and was willing to be a poor 
 despised Methodist ; and as soon as I had an op- 
 portunity I embraced it, and joined the class in Sid- 
 ney, of which my father was the leader. Many 
 were the solemn reflections which passed through 
 my mind on being received into the bosom of the 
 church — to be a living branch of that living vine — 
 bringing forth fruit to the honor and glory of God 
 was my only desire, and only aim and constant 
 prayer. 
 
 I retired after the meeting was closed, and prayed 
 earnestly to the Lord, that he would always keep 
 me from backsliding and protect me from the snares 
 of the devil, who as a roaring lion walketh about 
 seeking whom he may devour; and preserve me 
 from bringing a wound on that most precious cause^ 
 which I had been recommending to my young 
 friends ; — inviting them to come and go with me 
 in the way of righteousness and peace. The 
 answer to this my fervent cry was, that the same 
 Lord, who has converted thy soul, is able to keep 
 thee unto the day of the Lord Jesus ; if you com- 
 mit the keeping of your soul unto him as unto a
 
 FANNY NEWELL. S7 
 
 faithful Creator, by patient continuance in well do- 
 ing, seeking for glory, and honor, and eternal life. 
 Here I found where my great strength lay. I 
 found that I had a divine confidence in my God, 
 that he would be my guide even unto death ; and 
 here I could say with the poet again ; 
 
 " Night unto night thy name repeats, 
 The day renews the sound ; 
 Wide as the heavens on which he sits, 
 To turn the seasons round." 
 
 Baptism now began to agitate my mind, and I 
 cried to my heavenly Parent, that I might be di- 
 rected aright in this also, and not be guilty of go- 
 ing too fast or too slow. Dear brother Henry 
 Martin (my spiritual guide) came to my father's, 
 and asked me respecting my views of baptism. I 
 told him freely what had rested on my mind upon 
 that subject. He told me that he had an appoint- 
 ment at the Pond Settlement on the Thursday fol- 
 lowing, and that he expected some would go for- 
 ward in that ordinance, and he thought I had better 
 embrace the opportunity. I told him that I chose 
 to converse with my parents. Accordingly I did, 
 and my mother thought I had better wait until 
 spring. My father said he had no objection, if I 
 was convinced that it was my duty. He gave 
 me a short exhortation, called the family to- 
 gether, and after worshipping, I retired, and 
 low on my knees, like Mary, at the footstool of 
 mercy, I besought the Lord's direction. thou 
 who knowest all things, if thou seest that it will 
 make for thy glory, and my best good, remove eve- 
 ry obstruction, and let the day be clear, and pleas- 
 ant, and all in peace ; but if not pleasing in thy 
 4
 
 38 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 sight, let it be clearly manifested to me, thy submis- 
 sive child. 
 
 Composed and serene I lay down to rest, and 
 when the morning once more was ushered in, all 
 was calm, the sun arose with unusual mildness, and 
 nothing to hinder my going. My soul was happy, 
 and I longed to embrace the holy ordinance of bap- 
 tism, and thus evidence to the world, that I had put 
 off the old man and his deeds, and had put on the 
 new man, which is Christ the Lord ; — resolving by 
 his grace to come out and be separated from the 
 wicked world, its habits, maxims, and wrong cus- 
 toms. — This was a most memorable day to me and 
 also to many others. 
 
 On my way to the meeting I breathed out my 
 heart in constant prayer to God for strength to raise 
 me above the fear of man, and give me that faith 
 that overcomes, and holds the promise fast. After 
 a short discourse, I arose and told my desire and 
 intention, and related my experience in some of its 
 most important parts ; and when the necessary pre- 
 paration was made, we repaired to the water, and I 
 could say truly, " we are marching through Imman- 
 uel's land to fairer worlds on high." The language 
 of my heart was poured out in the following hymn, 
 which I repeated as I passed down to the water. I 
 could not recollect from whence it came, yet I was 
 able to repeat it then, and to retain it in my memory 
 ever since. Afterwards I found it in the Methodist 
 hymn book. 
 
 1. Happy soul ! thy days are ended, 
 All thy mourning days below ; 
 Go, by angel guards attended, 
 To the sight of Jesus go. 
 Waiting to receive thy spirit,
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 39 
 
 Lo ! the Saviour stands abo%'e ; 
 Shows the purchase of his merit, 
 Reaches out the croxvn of love. 
 
 2. Struggle through thy latest passion, 
 To thy great Redeemer's breast ; 
 To his utternKist salvation ; 
 To his everlasting Rest. 
 For the joy he sets before thee, 
 Bear a momentary pain ; 
 Die to live a life of glory ; 
 Suffer with thy Lord to Reign. 
 
 Eight persons were baptized before myself; I 
 being the youngest. When it came to my turn, my 
 heart leaped for joy, and I cried out as I moved 
 along, " farewell, vain world, I am going home" — 
 and stepped down into the water, and thought that 
 I could have gone across the pond as easily as I 
 did three rods. — I kneeled down and was plunged 
 forward, and when I arose, I stood some time in the 
 water, and exhorted the numerous congregation 
 which crowded round the the shore ; and I praised 
 the Lord with loud strains. O the raptures ! in 
 which my soul was held ! Caught up as it were to 
 the third Heaven, I had renewed my strength to 
 travel the celestial road Heaven-ward. We went 
 to the place appointed for prayer-meeting, shouting 
 and singing ; and a most glorious time it was. Dear 
 Brother H. M. was so happy, that he was ready to 
 fly to a fairer clime. He shouted, and cried " I 
 will praise the Lord, for my tongue is none too 
 good to be employed in his praise, nor my lungs too 
 good to be worn out in his service." Thus he con- 
 tinued shouting until his strength failed, and he fell 
 to the floor. 
 
 This will be a memorable meeting to me, for it 
 was the last that I ever enjoyed with my dear
 
 40 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Henry Martin on the shores of time ; although 
 we httle thought then that we were receiving our 
 last benefit of his useful labors ; but flattered our- 
 selves that we should be favored with his counsels, 
 reproofs and prayers, as a father and shepherd over 
 us poor helpless sheep of Christ's newly gathered 
 fold, who by his advice and care might be aided in 
 the good way. But God's thoughts are not our 
 thoughts, nor his ways our ways ; yet 
 
 " Deep in unfalhomable mines, 
 Of never failing skill, 
 He treasures up his bright designs, 
 And Works his sovereign will." 
 
 The next morning I set out for home in company 
 with my cousin Cynthia Robinson. We took an 
 affectionate leave of our very dear brother Henry 
 Martin. *' Do not weep, children," said he, " for I 
 expect, if the Lord will, to return again shortly." 
 He was going to visit Parker's Isle at the mouth of 
 Kennebec river, in hopes to see that prophecy ful- 
 filled, " The Isles shall wait for thy law." As he 
 passed on before me something seemed to impress 
 my mind that he would not return ; and I told it to 
 Cynthia, but she said, do not harbour such a thought. 
 Notwithstanding all my desires and hopes of his re- 
 turn, I had an impression that he never would. 
 
 The thought, he will not return, rested on my 
 mind. Peace like an overflowing stream wafted 
 my happy soul along for many months, and I began 
 to conclude that I should see trouble no more. 
 
 Travelling in the strength of my great Redeemer 
 — wafted by strong gales of love, I moved on to- 
 wards the inheritance above ; but experience taught 
 • me that I was not going to Heaven in isilver slip-
 
 FANNV NEWELL. 41 
 
 pers, nor on flowery beds of ease, as saith the poet ; 
 
 " I must fight if I would reign ; 
 Increase my courage, Lord." 
 
 Christ hath said, " Not every one that saith unto 
 me Lord, Lor^d^ shall enter into the kingdom of 
 God, but he who doeth the will of my Father, who 
 is in Heaven." 
 
 The news of H. Martin's death reached us in a 
 few weeks after his arrival on the Island ; for he at- 
 tended but one meeting there, before he was taken 
 sick and died in the triumphs of faith, after a very 
 short though painful sickness. Not long before 
 he breathed his last he revived, and sang with a 
 triumphant voice ; 
 
 " I'm happy ! I'm happy ! 
 
 wondrous account ! 
 My soul is immortal ; 
 
 1 stand oti the mount. 
 I gaze on my treasure, 
 And long to be there. 
 
 With Angels, my kindred, V 
 And Jesus, my dear." 
 
 It was heavy news to me and also to the church. 
 Our language was, what shall we do for a shepherd 
 to take the oversight of the flock, seeing our belov- 
 ed and faithful Minister is so early and so suddenly 
 removed from our fond and pious embraces ; and 
 we so young and inexperienced in the things of the 
 kingdom ? The Bible, what a treasure ! These 
 words from that inspired volume, came with divine 
 sweetness and power to my mind. " I will be a 
 father to the fatherless." This sweetens every cup, 
 and makes sad things easy ; for he is ever the 
 same — he changeth not. My heart repHed, O 
 4*
 
 42 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 God ! if thou art my father, I hare enough. Suffer 
 me to come to thee, as a child cometh to a parent, 
 and teach thou me what to do in all thiugs ; for thou 
 teachest as never man taught. 
 
 To the praise of my Maker, and for the encour- 
 agement of young pilgrims especially, I desire to 
 relate some of his special dealings with me ; for he 
 is very indulgent. That which 1 cannot compre- 
 hend when awake, as Job said, he revealeth to me, 
 when deep sleep locks up the mental faculties. 
 
 At this time, while perplexed to know what to do 
 for a leader, I dreamed that I stood on the bank of 
 the Kennebec river. Suddenly I was taken by an 
 Angel and set on a narrow strip of ice in the mid- 
 dle of the river, not more than one foot in width, but 
 straight as a line, and was told by the Angel to go 
 forward, and I should soon see H. Martin. Re- 
 collecting that he died at the mouth of this river, I 
 set forward with great delight, running with rapidity, 
 expecting soon to meet with my beloved friend and 
 father in the bonds of the gospel. To my great 
 surprise and most imminent danger, I found that 
 my feet would slip off on one side or the other ; 
 which filled my mind with fears, that I should soon 
 plunge into the water, and there drown. O that I 
 had been suffered to stay on the dry land, I exclaim- 
 ed. Whereupon my kind conductor, the Angel, ap- 
 peared and said, " Here is the cross — take and car- 
 ry it in your arms — hold it erect, and your feet will 
 not slip ;" but if I laid it down or suffered either part 
 to touch or drag, it would endanger my life, and my 
 only safety was to keep the cross on a true and per- 
 fect balance, holding it upright. To my inexpres- 
 sible delight I found my feet stood firm, my fears 
 subsided, and I went on calm, serene, pleasant,
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 4S 
 
 steady and safe, whilst the heavy cross, so far from 
 being a burden to press me down, was a support 
 and comfort to me ; which enabled me to pursue my 
 journey with greater alacrity. I awoke and was pre^ 
 pared to say, O what has God revealed to me this 
 night. It is the way that leads to God, T will walk 
 therein that I mav find rest to my soul. On open- 
 ing my Bible I find that the cross is there set forth 
 as the Christian's only safety ; so much so that Christ 
 hath said, and his words are truth without one shad- 
 ow of doubt, " Except a man deny himself and take 
 up his cross daily and follow me, he cannot be my 
 disciple ;" and Paul said, " I will glory in the cross 
 of Christ, for by it the world is crucified unto me 
 and I unto the world." On a close examination I 
 found, that if I neglected the least duty in small or 
 great things, I was in danger. 
 
 As I have entered into the vineyard of the Lord 
 I am conscious that I am to labor in order to receive 
 my penny ; and although I am but a child yet he 
 finds some services forme to perform. It is well to 
 labor for my Lord. He sends me from one house 
 to another to publish to all my dear companions, 
 what he has done for me, and strive to win them 
 also to his service. I find it all glory in the highest 
 for me to do any thing for him, who has done so 
 much for me. 
 
 June 6, 1809. 
 About this time I had some trials and temptafions 
 to encounter. The enemy of all righteousness 
 tried hard to ensnare my soul. He laid his bait in 
 every corner, and threw his darts on every side. 
 The first of any magnitude occurred one morning 
 as I was preparing to attend a love-feast. My father
 
 44 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 said to me (no doubt with pure and good motives) 
 Fanny, you must not pray and speak so loud ; for 
 you will wear yourself out. Not considering that 
 he spake in love, I fell into an inquiry what it could 
 mean to receive such a check from a pious father ? 
 for all the opposition that I met with from a gainsaying 
 world had no influence upon me, or could check 
 in the least the unbounded peace and joy I felt in 
 doing that which I thought most pleasing in the sight 
 of the great Redeemer ; but the enemy took the 
 advantage and said to me, " There, your father has 
 no charity for you, nor has any body else; and 
 you are not a Christian ; for you know you have 
 no trials to pass through; and Christians have 
 trials." Immediately this struck me such a blow 
 as I had never felt before. I had been a stranger 
 to such things until now. I cried and prayed, and 
 had sorrowful weeping, being sorely troubled ; nor 
 would I give myself any ease, until God spake 
 peace to my mind again, and filled my heart with 
 love and joy, and gave me a fresh evidence of my 
 acceptance with him, and a superior love to him 
 and his cause and his people. Thus by looking to 
 God I found comfort and strength against the enemy, 
 and I now thought I should be disturbed no more ; 
 but the inspired writings inform us that the devil is 
 like a roarinsj lion, going about seeking whom he 
 may devour, and I found it so ; for he soon inter- 
 rupted my tranquillity, and I found that there was no 
 such thing as being a lazy Christian, for the power 
 of the enemy is great, and sometimes rolled on 
 like a cloud to darken my sky and hinder my pro- 
 gress in rehgion. Notwithstanding my watchings, 
 fastings, and praying, I was constrained to cry out 
 in the language of the poet ;
 
 FANNr NEWELL. 45 
 
 " O God, our help in ages past, 
 Our hope in years to come ; 
 Our shelter from the stormy blast, 
 And our eternal home ; 
 Under the shadow of thy throne, 
 Still may vve dwell secure ; 
 Sufficient is thine arm alone, 
 And our defence is sure." 
 
 This year was a year of trials to me ; 
 
 "And when new trials spring and rise 
 We find how great our weakness is." 
 
 I was followed with this thought, that the enemy, by 
 whom I had so often been brought low, would in 
 the end prevail, and I should finally be overcome. 
 But the thought of going back and returning to the 
 weak and beggarly elements of the world was truly 
 painful to me, and being young in years and young 
 in piety, the subtle foe began to make me fear. 
 But I was delivered from this snare also, by follow- 
 ing the advice of that servant of God, James ; see 
 4th chapter, " Resist the devil and he will flee from 
 you. Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to 
 you." Yet too often in my warring I was forced to 
 say, " Now I revive and now am slain." 
 
 When I was delivered from temptation of any 
 kind whatever, I rejoiced like an able experienced 
 warrior who had gained a signal victory, and I said 
 in my heart, I have one trial the fewer to pass whilst 
 on my journey home — glory to God !- — and my 
 heart would overflow with love and gratitude to my 
 heavenly Benefactor, and I would join with David 
 and say, " My cup runneth over." Thus I went 
 on my way rejoicing, making an unreserved dedica- 
 tion of myself to God ; for I remembered the painfu
 
 4(j MEMOIRS OF 
 
 days and nights that I passed for months, before my 
 soul found comfort ; yea, the wormwood and the 
 gall, and that memorable night on which I found 
 pardon and deliverance. It was then that I 
 promised God that if he would deliver my soul, I 
 would be his willing subject all my days, through 
 his strength. Blessed be his adorable name, he 
 has enabled me thus far to keep my engagement. 
 
 All my trials have terminated for my good — they 
 have been profitable unto me ; for they put me on 
 my guard, and stir me up to new resolutions. Re- 
 lying on the grace of God, I am resolved that 
 nothing henceforth shall interrupt me in the discharge 
 of every known duty ; for I find that in duty and 
 for duty I am blessed of God my Redeemer. I 
 now attend on all the ordinances of God's house, 
 and take great delight in reading his holy word, and 
 religious authors; but the book of inspiration 
 teaches me to read and become acquainted with, 
 and keep my own heart, and by reading my Bible, I 
 see and feel the need of a great work being done 
 for my soul, before I can be qualified to act my part 
 with becoming dignity in the church of Christ. 
 Unspeakable gratitude inspires me to sing with a 
 grateful heart, for what God has already done for 
 me, and I trust he will also perfect me in every 
 grace. 
 
 Like the blind man's of old, my eyes are opened 
 and I am commanded to look up. O what do I 
 see? — I see and lament the condition of poor 
 jjerishing sinners^ and my heart is pained for them, 
 and often in an agony'; and I feel it my duty to tell 
 them of their situation, and warn them of their 
 danger ; but I am sometimes kept back from my 
 duty by a sense of my own many weaknesses. It
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 47 
 
 is my duty to reprove sin wherever I see it, but the 
 cross is very heavy for a poor young female to take 
 up, and bear ; therefore I have sometimes tried to 
 get round it by neglecting my duty. But in so 
 doing I pierce myself through with many sorrows. 
 In meditation one day scripture flowed through 
 my mind, especially such passages as the following ; 
 " When I say to the wicked, O wicked man, thou 
 shalt surely die ; if thou dost not speak to warn the 
 wicked from his w^ay, that wicked man shall die in 
 his iniquity ; but his blood will I require at thine 
 hand." "Be not dismayed at their countenances, 
 but speak and be not afraid, whether they will hear 
 or whether they will forbear." " Be instant, in sea- 
 son and out of season, reprove, exhort, instruct." 
 " Be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a 
 crown of life." Conviction fastens on my heart, 
 and I cry out, O Lord ! grant me strength to bear 
 the hallowed cross, or I see plainly I must, after all, 
 perish. 
 
 In the evening of this happy solemn day an 
 opportunity offered of exhorting the people to turn 
 to God and live, and I felt impressions to address 
 them, but shrunk back from the cross, and went 
 home with a heavy heart — I saw the sword of jus- 
 tice unsheathed to slay the wicked, and I was 
 acquainted with their ignorance, and saw the danger 
 to which they were exposed ; and yet I had refused 
 to give them warning, and point them to Jesus, the 
 sinner's only safety, and could not help fearing that 
 God would not give me another opportunity of 
 speaking to them, as some of them might die in 
 their sins, and their blood would be required at my 
 hand. This caused me to reflect on the Day of 
 Judgment, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed
 
 48 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 from heaven to judge the world in righteousness. 
 the terror which I feel ! I am afraid to meet him, 
 for I am unprepared, and what shall I do? I will 
 take the cup of salvation and call once more upon 
 the name of the Lord. But this has been a restless 
 night to me, whilst I have no doubt the careless 
 sinners for whose sake I am troubled and mourn, 
 have slept in careless ease. 
 
 This morning 1 arise and am very uneasy. I 
 take the bible and go to the throne of grace for 
 help in this time of weerf, and blessed be my King 
 and my God, he has not sent me empty away ; and 
 the sin of omission is once more forgiven; and I 
 set out once more to be for God and for none else. 
 
 July 3th, 1809. 
 I now enjoy a tender conscience, which feels the 
 slightest touch of sin. I have a great love for the 
 people of God, but especially those in the class to 
 which I belong. They are dear to me as my own 
 soul. 
 
 " O what a loving band we are, 
 United in one faith and prayer. 
 All glory be to Christ my Lord ! 
 For he is all in all to me. 
 
 His name yields the sweetest perfume, 
 And sweeter than music his voice ; 
 His presence disperses my gloom, 
 And makes all within me rejoice." 
 
 This day my hands are nimbly at work, and business 
 moves on rapidly ; yet my mind is carried above all 
 my employment. Text after text of scripture flows 
 through my mind with explanations which comfort 
 and instruct me. Truly the ways of wisdom are 
 pleasant, and all her paths are peace.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 49 
 
 It is with trembling that I rejoice, knowing that 
 I have a subtle enemy to encounter, lest he should 
 lead me astray. I set apart this day (Fridmj) as a 
 day of self-examination, to see if there is not some 
 wicked thing lurking within — some root of bitter- 
 ness that will spring up and trouble me, and I 
 thereby become an unprofitable servant, like the 
 withering branch which beareth not fruit, threatened 
 by our Lord to be cut off and cast into the fire — 
 although the thought is too distressing for me to har- 
 bor. The 15th chapter of St. John is a profitable 
 one to me. my Heavenly Father ! keep a child ! 
 Keep me in the true vine a fruitful branch, bearing 
 much fruit to the glory of God. 
 
 In the evening as I was just returning from that 
 ever to be remembered and delightful spot, where 
 in solitary retirement I have been more delighted 
 than ever, in reading, meditation and prayer — re- 
 flecting on the superior charms of devotion when 
 compared with the short lived pleasures of sin and 
 folly, I was roused by the approach of some of my 
 fellow youth, who were passing the farm and were 
 in a merry gale. I asked myself, will you go and 
 join them? O no — no, cried I in good earnest — 
 not for ten thousand worlds ; for their company is 
 no more desirable to me. What is the matter 
 now? (something seemed to ask) — a short time 
 ago you would have left your food, even when 
 . hunger began to clamor, to go and join the cheerful 
 circle. Yea, so I would in the days of my folly ; 
 but I have found better company, which is with me 
 constantly, even night and day — yea, a heavenly 
 circle of the best of friends — and I have many 
 promises that are on record, and these assure me 
 that the friend of sinners will never leave nor for- 
 5
 
 50 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 sake me. ! that I may never leave nor forsake 
 him. 
 
 " And now another day is gone, 
 I'll' sing my Maker's praise ; 
 My comforts every horn- make known 
 His glory and his grace." 
 
 Blessed be God ! I am contented to be a young 
 Christian aloue, although I have many and very 
 strong desires for my dear youthful friends, and am 
 determined to follow them with my tears, prayers 
 and exhortations, \mtil they turn to God and live. 
 If they never return and come to Jesus I shall fol- 
 low them to the gates of ruin, and then, ! then 
 they will drop, where neither prayers nor tears can 
 do them any good ; for there will be " night in which 
 no man can work," saith Christ the Lord, Shortly 
 after this, my soul was in agony for sinners in this 
 place ; and whilst pouring out my ardent and most 
 fervent petitions to God for them, my bodily strength 
 failed, and 1 lay prostrate before the Lord, and was 
 willing to be with Christ in the garden of Gethse- 
 mane on the cold ground in tears, or even on the 
 cross ; if I could be of any use in bringing lost 
 sinners home to God's favor. 
 
 In the evening there was a prayer-meeting, and 
 a precious time we enjoyed, whilst our united pray- 
 ers ascended like sweet incense, perfumed with the 
 atoning merits of our adorable Immanuel. The 
 awful and dangerous state of sinners lies so near 
 my heart, that I have been in distress for them so 
 that their case seems similar to my own. Yes, in 
 our little meeting there were two particular ones, for 
 whom I felt a fresh bleeding wound, (as it were) 
 open in my poor aching heart. Glory to God in
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 51 
 
 the highest I there is peace to be found on earth in 
 beUeving in Jesus ; 
 
 " Whose name yields the richest perfume, 
 And sweeter than music his voice ; 
 His presence disperses my gloom, 
 And makes all within me rejoice." 
 
 Our class meetings are attended with peculiar 
 blessings to encourage us to march on in that heav- 
 enly way, which is cast up for the redeemed of the 
 Lord to travel in, and no doubt, if the good evan- 
 gehcal prophet Isaiah had been in our little class 
 meeting this evening, he would have said, " look in 
 the 12th chapter of my prophecy, and there you 
 will find where I had a view of the happy believers 
 shouting praise to God, while on their way to Zion." 
 Our Circuit preacher was present, (Br. Spaulding) 
 and we were so filled with the new wine of the 
 Kingdom, that we had a shout in the Camp of 
 Israel — yea they might have said of us, as they did 
 of the apostles on the day of Pentecost, " they are 
 drunk with new wine." 
 
 My beloved brothers and sisters lie near my heart, 
 and I have strong desires for them — I long for 
 them to go with me to Heaven. Lord ! what 
 can I say to them more than I have said, to per- 
 suade them to fear and serve thee. On the day in 
 which my eldest brother's second child was born, I 
 withdrew secretly to a bed room near my sister's, 
 and prayed to God that her sickness might be so se- 
 vere as to alarm her fears, and excite her to seek her 
 souPs everlasting welfare — and so it was ; which 
 makes me believe that my desires were from the 
 Lord, and now she is mourning for sin and longing 
 for deliverance. O my Saviour ! give her pardon
 
 52 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 for thine own name and mercies' sake. I now also 
 seej what I have long desired to see, a little awaken- 
 ing in my father's family. 
 
 June 9, 1809. 
 
 I set out in company with Br. Isaac Steadman 
 and his wife to attend a camp-meeting, which was 
 to be holden in Monmouth. At the same time and 
 place the annual New England Conference was 
 holden by the Methodist Episcopal Church. The 
 first day of the camp-meeting, it being a new kind 
 of meeting to me — having never attended any thing 
 of the kind before and every thing appearing strange, 
 I gained but little profit and was much tried within 
 myself, mostly on account of not being so much 
 engaged as some others appeared to be. On the 
 first evening the assembly drew near to the preach- 
 er's stand for a public prayer meeting, and as I 
 came to the place, I cried in my heart, O Lord ! I 
 want more religion ! I must have more religion ! 
 for 1 am not one half enough engaged in the work 
 of God. I feel that there are greater attainments 
 for me, even in this life. O deepen and widen the 
 work of Grace in my soul. sanctify me wholly 
 before I leave this place. This was my prayer 
 during the first and the second day. 
 
 After the meetings closed I retired with my 
 female friends to try to gain a little rest, but I could 
 not ; my distress of mind was such, that sleep de- 
 parted from me, and my exercises of mind increased 
 every moment, so that I could neither sleep nor eat 
 food. I wanted a fresh token of my Saviour's 
 love — a new evidence that I was a child of God — 
 yea I wanted to love him more — even so that when 
 I returned home I might live better, and walk up-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 5S 
 
 rightly all the days of my life — yea like Jacob of 
 old I wrestled all night, until the break of day, and 
 would not let my Saviour go, until he blessed me. 
 I could say with the poet ; 
 
 " What though my shrinking flesh complain, 
 
 And murmur to contend so long, 
 I rise superior to my pain ; 
 
 When I am weak, then am I strong ; 
 And when my all of strength shall fail, 
 I shall with the God man prevail.^^ 
 
 Sabbath morning, I attended prayer meeting at 
 the stand, ! what a struggle I felt for perfect love, 
 that casteth out fear. 
 
 " My vehement soul cried out oppress'd, 
 
 Impatient to be freed ; 
 Nor can I, Lord, nor will I rest, 
 
 'Till I am sav'd indeed." 
 
 The kind Redeemer condescended to grant me the 
 spirit of faith by which I laid hold on the blessing, 
 and held it fast. O ! what an enjoyment of God 
 my soul was favored with. 
 
 " 'Twas light descending from the skies, 
 And O how marvellous in our eyes." 
 
 O my soul ! — this is a season never to be forgotten, 
 whilst sense or reason lasts. O ! what words can 
 paint the glorious views, which perfect love unfolds. 
 At the close of the prayer meeting the people 
 went to their tents for breakfast. I could not bear 
 to leave the endeared spot, but sat on the ground, 
 blessing and praising the Lord for his wonderful 
 goodness to me. Brother J. Beal came to me and 
 said, Fanny, you must go to the tent and take some 
 6*
 
 54 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 refreshment. With the assistance of sister L, 
 Springer I arose and they led me along to the tent. 
 But when I got there, my soul was so full of glory, 
 that I was ready to fly away — I was mounted on 
 eagles' wings — I soared aloft. They presented me 
 with a cup of coffee, and bade me eat and drink. 
 I attempted, but was not able to raise the cup to my 
 mouth, but cried out, I have meat to eat that the 
 world knoweth not of. I fell back in my chair, and 
 my soul was swimming in the ocean of God's un- 
 bounded love. what 
 
 "Angel tongue can tell, 
 
 'Tis love immense and unconfin'd, 
 
 A deep where all our thoughts are drown'd." 
 
 As soon as I had gained a little strength, I arose, 
 and by the kind assistance of my dear sisters in the 
 Lord, 1 returned to the stand ; where we were soon 
 to hear preaching. As 1 passed along I could say 
 with raptures of delight ; 
 
 " We're marching through 
 
 Immanuel'g ground, 
 
 To fairer worlds on high." 
 
 I took my seat to hear preaching, but I heard 
 none at this time ; for before preaching, Brother T- 
 Merritt, the secretary of the meeting, was taking 
 down the names of those who had experienced jus- 
 tification, and those who had obtained that second 
 blessing — sanctification. He sent for me. Ac- 
 cordingly I went, and stepped upon the seat before 
 the Preacher's stand ; and he said to me, Have yois 
 experienced sanctification 1 I answered. No, for I 
 did not then understand what sanctification was —
 
 rANNY NEWELL. 55 
 
 but I felt as I never did before. These words were 
 scarcely uttered, when I felt a spark of divine 
 power which took away all my bodily strength, and 
 the last words which I heard were — she is going — 
 but that moment I was caught up to the third hea- 
 ven ; and heard things unspeakable ; some of 
 which I shall attempt imperfectly to relate. 
 
 1 was entirely insensible to all that passed around 
 me in this world, and according to the best account 
 that I have since obtained, I remained so between 
 three and four hours. Brother T. Robinson stated 
 that he was about to go home, but was detained on 
 my account ; being unwilhng to go and leave me in 
 this apparently lifeless situation. Knowing that my 
 friends would be over anxious about me, he waited 
 the event. 
 
 I was dead to all below ; yet my mind was ac- 
 tive and sensible — led on with ravishing delight to 
 those joys that beggar all language, and far surpass 
 description. In the first place I seemed to be 
 transported by bright Angels, as it appeared, and 
 was impressed on my mind, for I saw no other ap- 
 pearance or form than bodies of light, and in col- 
 or more like the sun than that of fire ; and it ap- 
 peared to me that by their power they bore me up- 
 ward to the paradise of God. — I thought that I 
 came into the celestial city, and saw God and his 
 throne, and as I came to the place I saw countless 
 armies of shining spirits, who were praising God, 
 and giving glory to the Lamb. I saw no distinct 
 form or appearance of God, or angels, or glorified 
 saints, but bodies of light, and those which were 
 nearest the throne of God were the largest, and as 
 they were seated farther distant from the throne, 
 they were difterent in bigness and brilliancy. They
 
 56 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 sang praises in loud strains — but I could not sing 
 with them or learn their song — but now and then I 
 could distinctly hear and understand these well 
 known expressions, — Hallelujah ! ! — glory to God 
 in the highest ! ! — I longed to join them in singing 
 one of those heavenly anthems; and one of them 
 said to me you shaUj and immediately I struck in 
 and sang so as I never did before or since. 
 
 Having enjoyed this delightful place a short time, I 
 was again borne on the wings or rather powers of 
 the bright shining ones back to earth again ; and I 
 came to a place where I had a view of Christ, a» 
 though he was nailed to the cross, his arms extend- 
 ed, and he interceding for dying men and women ^ 
 and his cry was most affecting — enough to break 
 the hardest heart of stone — whilst hesaid, " Father^ 
 spare them — spare the barren — those that bear no> 
 fruit spare a little longer ; for I have died, O ! 
 Father, spare them." — yes, I saw — and O amaz- 
 ing sight ! — in speechless wonder I lay low at his a- 
 dorable feet ; and O how was my soul filled when he 
 owned me for his child! I coiild then with the ut- 
 most confidence say, " Jlbha, Father.^'' In short I 
 was so filled with God and glory, that I cried out, — 
 Lord, enlarge my scanty vessel, or let it break. 
 After this view I was moved on to life and activity 
 (I mean temporal life and the activity of my bodily 
 powers.) 
 
 As soo.n as the Lord was pleased to give me 
 strength I arose in obedience to my divine Master's 
 command, and delivered the message which his 
 Spirit dictated to me ; and as I have since learned, 
 there was no confusion, or disorder, or any irregu- 
 larity, or the least interruption in the proceedings ; 
 for i arose (according to information) just as the
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 57 
 
 Bishop was going to preach, and the people were 
 all seated ; while thousands flocked near the stand. 
 Prayer had been made, and the last singing before 
 preaching just closed, and the Rev. E. Sabin was 
 giving some directions to the people. He had 
 closed his remarks, and stood to see his orders 
 obeyed — the Bishop waiting, &c. The first I knew 
 of any thing around me I was standing upon my 
 feet, and praising God in the midst of the people 
 with my tongue, which was wonderfully formed of 
 clay for that very purpose. The first words which 
 I uttered were — " I speak the truth in Christ, I lie 
 not — my conscience bearing me witness in the Ho- 
 ly Ghost." — I looked around on the congregati'on, 
 and verily believe 1 could have told every Christian 
 that was there — for I beheld a small light on the 
 heads of many — some larger and some smaller. I 
 turned my eyes on the ministers of God's holy 
 word, and ! what stars of different magnitudes — 
 some of them appeared like burning lights. As I 
 addressed myself to the people. Elder Sabin said, 
 " So you shall, sister." All were silent until I had 
 closed my message and sat down. 
 
 The Bishop then arose, and improved his hour ; 
 and a most interesting and instructive discourse 
 flowed, like a stream of deep chrystal waters, for 
 the benefit of the large crowd of attentive hearers. 
 My own enjoyments can never be described by 
 mortal tongue or pen. — It was all gloiy, as 
 though 
 
 " Earth and Heaven agreed, 
 
 Angels and men were join'd 
 
 To celebrate with me, 
 
 The Saviour of mankind ; 
 To adore the all-atoning Lamb, 
 And bleas the sound of Jesus' name."
 
 58 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 I was like a young convert — every thing appeared 
 new — O what enlarged views I had of that angelic 
 song, " Glory to God on high, peace on earth, and 
 good will toward man ;" and could add, all glory ta 
 God for the gift of the Holy Ghost ! 
 
 " 'Tis a Heaven below, 
 
 My Redeemer to know, 
 
 And the Angels can do nothing more, 
 
 Than to falfat his feet, 
 
 And the story repeat. 
 
 And the Lover of sinners adore." 
 
 0, what a heaven of heavens ! I enjoyed in my 
 soul. Whilst I thought on the vision and the glory, 
 that had been revealed to me, I was almost incapa- 
 ble of supporting myself. I passed a most solemn, 
 and glorious, and happy night. 
 
 The next morning we parted with affections and 
 views, which can never fully be described. After 
 various exercises, in solemn procession, the preach- 
 ers in front, we all moved round the ground in or- 
 der to take the parting hand in a regular and profit- 
 able manner, and to see the dear servants of the 
 Lord fold each other in their arms, with tears run- 
 ning down their cheeks; then tearing from each 
 other's embrace, and flying to publish a Saviour's 
 dying love to dying men, in hopes to meet again in 
 peace, " bringing their sheaves with them," as said 
 the psalmist. I too could say, farewell to this hap- 
 py grove. May your maples grow, and ever bear 
 some mystic mark of that wonderful grace, which 
 has been poured out upon the people, who have set 
 under your cool shadows, whilst truth from the 
 speakers' lips has been sent home with power to the
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 59 
 
 hearts of many. Ye have witnessed the groans of 
 the wounded, and the songs of the redeemed. Af- 
 ter this most affecting and solemn parting we mov- 
 ed on toward home, and as I cast a last look toward 
 that most endeared and neveMo-be-forgotten spot, 
 I said hke Moses of old, O Lord, let thy presence 
 go with me, and I am sure all shall be well. Joy- 
 ful in God we travelled on to Readfield, and put up 
 for the night at Wm. Taylor's, and passed the even- 
 ing very agreeably in telling the great displays of 
 Divine Mercy, which were wrought amongst the 
 people, but especially in our own hearts ; and the 
 next day reached my father's house in Sidney, 
 where we were received with joy. It was truly a 
 foretaste of heaven, and although we were on earth, 
 yet the holy angels seemed to hover over us ; and 
 though unseen, mix with the little circle, glad to 
 join in our prtiises. O glory to God ! for the heav- 
 en of love, which he has been pleased to let remain 
 in my unworthy heart. I now can travel on heav- 
 en-ward with rapid steps, rejoicing evermore, and 
 praying without ceasing. In the light afflictions 
 which I meet I can rejoice ; for God will " carry 
 the lambs in his bosom." I have a constant cry 
 in my heart to feel the weight of the cause of truth, 
 and the worth of souls — to be employed in the work 
 of God — in striving to win souls to Christ my 
 Lord ; and in obedience to my Divine Instructor, 
 who bids me warn the wicked of their danger, I, 
 like Isaiah, cry aloud, and spare not my voice or 
 lungs. Some have said, don't speak so loud, but 
 the view I have of the wretched state of the wicked 
 constrains me to call loudly upon them, lest they 
 sleep until they awake in endless ruin— then it will 
 be too late. ! that truth, hke a trumpet, might
 
 60 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 awake them out of their lethargic slumber. My 
 meditation on the happy state of the righteous has 
 this day been such as gives great consolation ; for 
 although many are their afflictions, the Lord deliv- 
 ereth out of them all. 
 
 Friday. I have been examining myself; — and 
 by close examination I find that my vineyard, hke 
 David's of old, wants weeding every day, and my 
 language is, O Lord, help me to sink down into the 
 great deep of my own heart — do thou search, try, 
 and prove me thyself— and now I find an easy ac- 
 cess to the throne of grace, and have strong confi- 
 dence in God my Saviour, giving glory to his name; 
 for his tender mercy is over all the work of his hands. 
 
 "Praise ye the Lord, 'tis good to raise 
 Our hearts and voices in his praise." 
 
 My desires are kindling for my beloved sister 
 Sarah, whose birth was next to my own. I want 
 her company — I am as it were all alone — and if 
 none will be persuaded to go with me to heaven, I 
 am willing to go alone ; for I had rather go alone 
 to joys on high, than sink to ruin with a gay trifling 
 multitude. One day I met two of my young friends 
 in a field near the pond, where I was baptized, and 
 invited them to sit down with me. When I had 
 spent some time in reasoning with them on the great 
 importance of the soul's chief concern, and had sung 
 a hymn, and prayed with them, I saw marks of peni- 
 tence, and parted with them ; finding my mind 
 much drawn out to God for a revival of religion 
 amongst the dear youth of this place, and have some 
 expectation and hope of seeing a turning to God from 
 idols. I have dealt plainly with them in love, and
 
 FANNY NEWftLL. 61 
 
 now leave the event with my Maker. One evening 
 I invited my sister to accompany me to my secret 
 devotion, but she refused me ; yet I can carry her 
 case with me, and know not how to go to heaven, 
 and leave her behind. 
 
 Friday I observe as ^fast, and 1 pray, and read, 
 and find profit ; and every third Friday I humble 
 myself before the Lord in fasting and praying for 
 the Ministers of the Gospel ; — that their words 
 may reach others, even as they have reached me. 
 All denominations are comprehended in the arms of 
 my devotion. In the afternoon of this Fast day, I 
 took my Bible, and retired to my beloved consecrat- 
 ed spot for devotion : and as I passed through 
 the orchard, I reached up my hand to pluck off an 
 apple, that was sweet and palatable to my taste. 
 This scripture came to me, " Lovest thou these more 
 than me 1" I said No — no, my Lord ! I can de- 
 ny myself all the sweets which this world affords, 
 for one single moment's converse with thee. So I 
 hastened on to my " closet," and a sweet refreshing 
 season I had — great peace in reading the Bible on 
 my knees before the throne of grace, for Christ is 
 that Lamb that was slain, and has prevailed to open 
 the book ; and I find he opens my understanding 
 of it whilst 1 thus peruse it, O ! what comfort I 
 have when alone with my Bible and my Maker — 
 time seems short, and I want to be prepared for the 
 last day of my life ; so that I may die in peace and 
 sleep in Jesus, as saith the Poet ; 
 
 "How long, dear Saviour ! O how long, 
 
 Shall that bright hour delay ? 
 Fly Bwifter round, ye wheels of time, 
 
 And bring the joyful day." 
 6
 
 62 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 I now have a day of rejoicing, and am exceeding 
 glad for what the Lord has enabled me to do. I 
 have prevailed over my sister so far, that she came 
 down humbly with me in prayer last night, and she 
 appeared to be somewhat affected. O that I may 
 soon have the felicity to see her a happy convert 
 praising God. 
 
 I sometimes spend a day in visiting my young 
 friends, and the advice of the inspired writings, 
 " Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are 
 the issues of ///e," rests constantly on my memory, 
 and I repeat it often ; for I am afraid to go in the 
 way of sinners, or walk in the counsels of the un- 
 godly. I am young, and may be too easily turned 
 out of the good way. 
 
 Sabbath. Our assembly is solemn, and signs of 
 reformation appear. 
 
 Tuesday. The circuit preacher, E. F. Newell, 
 came to my father's house to preach for the first 
 time. His text was Psalms cxxii. 1, "I was glad 
 when they said unto me, let us go up to the house 
 of the Lord ;" and he added, I also am glad that I 
 have been brought here safe. Glory be given to 
 God for the same. I added in my heart. Amen, if 
 reformation attends your labor amongst us. Be- 
 fore he got through his sermon I had strong faith to 
 believe that God would revive his work among us, 
 and my little vessel was, like David's cup, running 
 over ; and I lost my bodily strength, for awhile, 
 and the Lord revealed his glory and power to me, 
 and I prophecied reformation. When the meeting 
 was closed, I had the boldness of the lion ; cheer- 
 fully took up my cross, and passing through, talked
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 63 
 
 with every person in the room, warning and exhort- 
 ing, and the Spirit of the Lord was upon me to help 
 and strengthen me in this duty. 1 could say, " the 
 Lord is my helper, of whom shall I be afraid." 
 
 This day was marked with great good. My 
 faith was not vain ; for some were under deep 
 awakenings, whilst all appeared serious. S. Long- 
 ley and I retired for secret prayer, and a melting 
 season we had, and as we were returning to the 
 house, we passed by Brother L Steadman's house, 
 and I felt a particular impression to go into the 
 house, and we turned in. I found there that two 
 young women were serious, and willing to come 
 low, and even kneel before the Lord, if we would 
 pray for them. The adorable Saviour laid the worth 
 of their souls so near our hearts, that we continued 
 our supplications until about one o'clock. The two 
 youths were hopefully converted to God. One of 
 them arose and ran first to Brother Steadman and 
 then to his wife, confessing her faults, and saying, 
 Do you forgive me all that you have seen amiss in 
 me ever since I have lived with you, for the Lord 
 has pardoned my sins, and I want every body to 
 forgive me also. She then came to me and said, 
 Fanny, how much I now love you. I fear I 
 never should have seen my wretched situation, if it 
 had not been for your faithful warnings to me. Al- 
 though I hated you once, yet now I love you better 
 than I do myself. I used to take pains to shun 
 you, but now pray do permit me to keep your com- 
 pany. While she was speaking the other was de- 
 livered, and began to clap her hands, and shouted 
 aloud for joy, and we all joined to praise God for 
 his great mercer wherewith he had loved us. After 
 commending myself to the care of my constant pre-
 
 64 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 server, I lay down to sle^p, and had a dream, which 
 I think proper to relate. My mind was in sweet 
 composure when I gave myself up to sleep. 
 
 THZ: DREAM. 
 
 On a sudden fear came into my mind, lest I 
 should not hold out to the end, and be faithful unto 
 death. If I come short of heaven, I thought I 
 should never see my beloved father in Christ, Hen- 
 ry Martin. This caused me to cry to the Lord to 
 help my infirmities, and keep me as the apple of his 
 eye. I fancied that I fell into a deep sleep, and 
 dreamed that a woman, who had been dead, came to 
 me and said, " Fanny, I am sent with an errand 
 from Brother Henry Martin to you," and as I lis- 
 tened to hear she began with a question. " Did 
 you know that he was going to be married before 
 he died ?" I answered, no. " He was," said she, 
 " and has sent me to tell you, that you must take 
 his gown, and wear it ; and when you die you must 
 leave it where he left it." On which I awoke and 
 exchanged my pillow for my knees. I thought on 
 Elijah and Elisha, and was prepared to say, " be- 
 hold the handmaid of the Lord, let the mantle of an 
 Henry, or rather Elijah, rest on me. The morn- 
 ing flows in, but goodness and mercy flow more de- 
 lightfully. This is one of my good mornings. I 
 believe the Lord is about to send us reformation. 
 
 I also had another vision of the night, which was 
 aa follows ; I dreamed that I was in a very narrow 
 path, and on either side grew thorns and briars — I 
 thought that two very young children were entrusted
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 65 
 
 to my care. Them I had to help along, and so I 
 made very slow progi-ess, and was torn by the briars 
 as I passed. At length I came to a dismal slough, 
 which at first sight appeared impassable ; but as I 
 drew near I saw that some persons had paSsed, and 
 had left their tracks in the m.ud. I took my chil- 
 dren up under my arms, and ventured forward. Af- 
 ter some fatigue I reached the other side of the 
 slough, and ascending a rise of land, I sat down to 
 rest ; but soon I arose and resumed my journey, 
 travelling with rapidity and courage, resolving to 
 finish my journey before sun-set. When I came 
 to the top of a long hill I again sat down to rest, 
 and looking before me I saw, at the distance of 
 about half a mile, a large river, which I expected to 
 cross. Finding the sun almost down, I rested a 
 little while, and then set out again with new zeal, 
 taking my children one under each arm. After 
 much fatigue I reached the bank of the river, and 
 set my children down. I looked for a passage where 
 I could cross, but could see none. I then betook 
 myself to prayer, and before I arose from my devo- 
 tion, the circuit preacher. Brother Newell, came 
 and said that he had come to help me across the 
 river ; on which 1 awoke. 
 
 Reflecting on my dream, I explained it thus. 
 The two young women who were converted a few 
 nights before were my two little children ; and I 
 must nurse them by watching over them in love, 
 and so help them on to heaven ; and the servants 
 of God v/ould help in this work. I then prayed to 
 the God of heaven, that he would give me strength 
 to bear them on my mind continually, as I did my 
 children in my arms in my dream ; for I know that 
 we can be helps to each other, having found great 
 6*
 
 66 MEMOIRS or 
 
 help from the pious labors of my veiy dear Christian 
 friends. O Lord ! help me to stand in my lot and 
 proper place ; for I feel many and various duties 
 resting with weight on my heart. 
 
 The ordinances of God's house are my delight. 
 Reading the Bible and committing it to my memory 
 are sweet employments. In searching this ines- 
 timable treasure, I find that there are great attain- 
 ments to be made. Yes, yes, many and very 
 great are the promises of God to his humble, faithful 
 followers. There is also a growth in grace, and I 
 thirst to be perfected in every good work, as saith 
 the inspired writer. Thanks be to my Almighty 
 Saviour for what has been done for me already. 
 O Lord ! go on — refine my heart from its dross — 
 from every base desire, and inspire me with a pure 
 heart to serve thee acceptably. Help me so to 
 keep myself from all sin, that the wicked one may 
 not touch me. Keep thou me as the apple of thine 
 eye, for I am perfect weakness. 
 
 Sabbath morn. how great the change from dark- 
 ness to light — whereas I was once blind I now see 
 — the Lord has opened my eyes, for I now see and 
 lament the sad condition of poor perishing sinners. 
 With a deep impression on my affected mind I feel 
 it is a duty to tell them of their danger, and warn 
 them to flee from the wrath to come, and lay hold 
 on that blessed hope set before them in the gospel. 
 But I am often kept back from a compliance with 
 this duty — reahzing my weakness and inability to 
 speak in the name of the Lord, who has told me to 
 reprove sin, wherever I see it. I find the cross 
 here to be very heavy for me, a poor female youth, 
 to take up continually, and too often I shrink from 
 it ; but in ao doing I pierce myself through with ma-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 67 
 
 ny sorrows. This day many passages of scripture 
 flow through my mind with power and solemnity ; 
 such as these, "When I say to the wicked, 
 thou shalt surely die ; if thou give him not warn- 
 ing, nor speak to warn the wicked from his 
 wicked ways to save his life, that wicked man shall 
 die in his sin ; but his blood will I require at thy 
 hand." I do see the sword of justice lifted up to 
 slay the wicked, and I must take up my cross, and 
 give them warning ; for they are blind and deaf — 
 the Sun of Righteousness is not arisen upon them ; 
 and shall I refuse to give them warning 1 — If I do, 
 I shall bring condemnation, and displease the King 
 of kings, and be reckoned amongst the disobedient 
 and slothful servants, who hide their talent in the 
 earth, and refuse to occupy their Lord's money. 
 Shall I hear that fearful sentence, " Thou wicked 
 and slothful servant?" — Forbid it — O forbid it, 
 most merciful Lord ! and help a child, who trusts 
 in thee, to do thy holy will — to occupy my talent 
 unto my dying day. help me to improve the tal- 
 ent committed to my care ; for 1 do desire to be a 
 living branch of the living vine, which bears much 
 fruit ; increasing every year, bearing more and 
 more, Amen, and amen. 
 
 Juhj 8th, 1809. 
 My conscience is tender, — like Jeremiah, I can 
 say, " O that my head were waters, and mine eyes 
 a fountain of tears ;" then would I weep day and 
 night for my guilty kindred spirits, bound to the 
 eternal world, and altogether unprepared for that — 
 to them — dread moment. Nor are my tears in 
 vain, for now I feel, and believe that God has heard 
 my feeble prayers, and sent down answers of peace.
 
 68 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 My dear sister S. has, I humbly hope and trust, 
 passed from death unto hfe. Praise ye the Lord, 
 all ye his saints ! My soul will rejoice in his work — 
 reformation is spreading — O that it may reach every 
 heart — give me to feel the weight of the cause, 
 and the worth of souls. 1 am willing to do or suf- 
 fer anything for Christ, my Lord, which he sees 
 best to lay upon me ; not regarding what man shall 
 say or do in opposition ; for through Christ strength- 
 ening me, 
 
 " I can do all things, or can bear 
 All sufTerings, if my Lord be there." 
 
 T^ast nigh^in my sleep my thoughts were again 
 occupied in preaching to perishing sinners. When 
 awake, the subject rests upon me, and I am brought 
 to wonder, why my mind is so much on preaching, 
 both night and day, sleeping and waking, seeing 1 
 am but a Ir^eble woman. At times 1 think I will go 
 and jom the people called Quakers or Friends, 
 because they approbate females to preach amongst 
 them. Travelling and visiting from house to house 
 is all my delight, and the joy of my heart. Not- 
 withstanding I have labored to collect all the objec- 
 tions that could be made against a woman's speak- 
 ing in public, on any occasion whatever, to excuse 
 myself, and then owning that it was my youth and 
 ignorance that had pushed me forward,— after all 
 my labor, I could not ease my conscience, or obtain 
 peace of mind ; tiierefore I must go in that way 
 where I can find peace with God ; for if God frowns 
 upon me, who can appease his wrath ? Yet it is so 
 crucifying to my proud nature, that I too often neg- 
 lect my duty, framing some excuse ; but find by sad
 
 FANNY NIWELL. 69 
 
 experience that it will not do. I have again and 
 again given myself unreservedly to the Lord ; and 
 at times I am perfectly willing that he should do 
 with me what seemeth good in his sight ; for although 
 I am weak, yet He is strong — ^he will help all my 
 infirmities. 
 
 Friday. This is my day for fasting and prayer. 
 
 that I may appear to fast in the sight of Him, 
 who searcheth the heart ; and not to be seen of 
 men. I want humility, and I want to stand in my 
 lot and place. 
 
 Mgust Ist, 1808. 
 At this time my mind was greatly exercised. It 
 appeared that God had something for me to do, that 
 
 1 had not done. The Spirit of the Lord followed 
 me, as though it was urging me to do something, 
 and I knew not what it was ; but finally concluded 
 that I must give my time more to visiting from house 
 to house. Accordingly I did, but this did not reheve 
 me. I still felt the drawings of that Spirit ; and so 
 great was the anxiety of my mind, that often in the 
 night seasons I imagined myself in some distant 
 land, exhorting, praying, and warning sinners. 
 More and more distressing were my feelings, until 
 at length, Hke Saul of Tarsus, I cried out " Lord ! 
 what wilt thou have me to do ?" This prayer I 
 continued for full three months, until the Lord was 
 pleased to make my duty plain. 
 
 September. I find for about four weeks past my 
 mind has had many reflections ; some of which I 
 wish to relate. Lord ! I am thine ; O keep me as 
 in the hollow of thine hand, and under the shadow 
 of thy wing ; for I want more of that wisdom from
 
 70 xMEMOIRS OF 
 
 above, that is profitable to direct. Then 1 shall be 
 prudent, for thus it is written, « I, Wisdom, dwell 
 with prudence and find out knowledge of witty 
 inventions. O wisdom ! thou hast builded thine 
 house — thou hast hewn out thy seven pillars — thou 
 hast spread thy table, and killed thy beasts, and 
 mingled thy wine, and sent forth thy maidens. 
 She crieth upon the high places of the city, "Whoso 
 is simple, let him turn in hither." As for him who 
 wanteth understanding, she saith to him, " Come, 
 eat of my bread and drink of the wine which I have 
 mingled. Forsake the foolish, and live ; and go in 
 the way of understanding." O my soul ! mark 
 well this invitation, and exhortation. I have heard 
 the voice of wisdom, and I have inclined my ear to 
 hearken, and have come to learn the way of peace ; 
 for I have heard her say,."l love them who love 
 me, and they who seek me early shall find me." 
 Well, saith she, " I will tell thee what shall be the 
 beginning, and also what shall be the happy end of 
 following my instruction." Well, wisdom, T have 
 come to inquire for the old paths, and the good way. 
 Wisdom answers me,. " Hear, and I will speak of 
 excellent things. The fear of the Lord is the 
 beginning of wisdom : and the knowledge of the Holy 
 One is understanding. Also the fear of the Lord is 
 to hate evil : pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, 
 and the fro ward mouth do I hate. Counsel is mine, 
 and sound wisdom : I am understanding ; I have 
 strength ; my fruit is better than gold, yea than fine, 
 gold ; and my revenue than choice silver. I lead 
 in the way of righteousness, in the midst of the 
 paths of judgment, that I may cause those who 
 love me to inherit substance ; and I will fill their 
 treasures. Now, therefore, hearken unto me,.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 71 
 
 ye children; for blessed are they who keep my 
 ways." wisdom, I have found thee! Yes, 
 according to thine own words, I have found thy 
 beginning, and I will have no other guide. I do 
 hate evil, pride, and a froward mouth. Yea ! every 
 evil way, and thou hast told me that thou hast 
 strength ; therefore, 
 
 " Though feeble, pinion'd in the dust I lie. 
 Yet thou the great I am, canst raise me high ; 
 Come then, great patron, and thy will be done, 
 For thou canst finish what thou "hast begun." 
 
 Wisdom, if thou hast found me, hold me fast ; for 
 truly wisdom is better than rubies, and all things 
 that can be desired are not to be compared to it. 
 Therefore receive her instructions, and not silver ; 
 and knowledge rather than choice gold ; for they 
 are plain to him who understandeth, and might to 
 them who have knowledge. Good is thy caution, 
 O wisdom, for I do desire to hold thee fast. I be- 
 lieve that thou art better than rubies, and 1 desire 
 thee more than gold, or silver, honor, or even long 
 life ; there I will pursue thy paths, for I perceive 
 that they are the paths of Peace, and I am happy 
 that I have found thee. 
 
 Now I am encouraged, because of thy word, 
 which saith, " Blessed i? the man that heareth me, 
 waiting daily at my gates." Here let me live, 
 watching, and waiting ; so shall I increase my 
 strength, wisdom, and understanding. Praise 
 God, O my soul, for thou art rich ; yea, thou hast 
 an inexhaustible store, the fountain of all good. 
 Now also thou mayest be rich in good works, for 
 nothing shall be able to stop thy progress, if thou 
 commit the keeping of thy soul to him in well doing,
 
 72 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 as unto a faithful creator ; no, nothing but sin can 
 separate between thee and thy God, for wisdom hath 
 told me so. O wisdom! under thy protection I 
 shall not be afraid of enchanted ground, or tremble 
 at the roariug lion, that seeketh to devour— no for j 
 
 " I can walk through death's darkest shade, 
 If Christ be with me there ;" — 
 
 and while passing over the rough sea of life, say, 
 Wisdom ! shall I not be safe, although I may see 
 heavy storms, may not 
 
 " My little bark most firm abide, 
 And every boisterous storm outride ?" 
 
 I still listen while Wisdom speaks to me again. 
 " If ye bear fruit, well ; if not, ye shall be cut off, 
 as a branch that is withered ; — for as the branch 
 cannot bear fruit except it abide in the vine, no more 
 can ye, except ye abide in me. If ye abide in me, 
 and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye 
 will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my 
 Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit ; so shall 
 ye be my disciples. Remember these important 
 declarations of Christ, thy Saviour ; for whoso find- 
 eth me findeth life and shall obtain favor of the 
 Lord. But he that sinneth against me wrongeth 
 his own soul : all they who hate me love deatkJ*^ 
 
 Thus my mind has been enriched from the true 
 source of all essential knowledge, and with Solo- 
 mon I can say, "0 Jesus ! thou art altogether 
 lovely — the chiefest amongst ten thousand — thou 
 only art worthy to be adored— for thy name is 'won- 
 derful, counsellor, the mighty God, the Everlasting 1 
 Fathf^r, thp Prince of Peace, Immanuel."
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 73 
 
 Therefore ' I will trust and not be afraid, for the 
 Lord Jehovah is my strength and mj song ; he 
 also is become my salvation.' " 
 
 " I am safe and I am happy, 
 While on thy dear name I lie ; 
 Sin or Satan cannot harm me, 
 While my Saviour is so nigh." 
 
 *' Lord, I am weak, but thou art strong, 
 Thou art my portion and my song." 
 
 Thou hast instructed me and taught me as never 
 man taught ; and I clearly see what the poet meant, 
 when he said, 
 
 " Every moment, Lord ! I nqed 
 The merits of thy death." 
 
 Lord, clothe me with humility, as with a garment ; 
 for all the ornament which I seek is a meek and 
 quiet spirit. Willingly I lay aside all outward orna- 
 ments, and seek for all that inward adorning of the 
 mind, which will meet the approbation of my Judge 
 in the great day. Although for this sacrifice my 
 youthful friends ridicule me and call me supersti- 
 tious, and say, " how simple she is, to strip off all 
 her gaiety, and dress so plainly, and appear so 
 mean, and leave all her young friends and not join 
 them even in the least cheerful mirth ;" yet when I 
 consider my accountabiUty, not only for my precious 
 blood-bought time, but also for all I possess, I can 
 say amidst it all ; 
 
 " For this let men revile my name, 
 No cross I fear, despise all shame : 
 7
 
 74 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 All hail reproach, and welcome pain, 
 Only thy terrors, Lord I restrain." 
 
 After these soul-reviving seasons, in which my 
 views of time and eternity were expanded, I had 
 some unexpected trials to pass through ; some of 
 which I will briefly notice, for the profit of the youth, 
 who perhaps may be benefited by reading my ex- 
 perience. They commenced by many unpleasant 
 thoughts darting into my mind, which troubled me 
 much, and I consider them as from the enemy ; my 
 cry is, 
 
 "Away, vain thoughts that lodge within." 
 
 Thus resisting the unhallowed impressions, and 
 drawing near to God by constant inward breathings, 
 I close the day in peace, and come to my place of 
 devotion with these sweet words ; 
 
 ** I come to own thy power divine, 
 That watches o'er my days." 
 
 For several days I could say with David, " my foot 
 had well nigh slipped ;" but these temptations only 
 served to rouse up my mind, and prepare me to be 
 ready to meet what followed. 
 
 Several of my young friends had experienced a 
 change of heart, and we spent many happy, and I 
 trust profitable hours together, which endeared us 
 to each other. I viewed them as tokens of God's 
 favor to me, and they viewed me as instrumental of 
 their good. 
 
 " My God, I am thine, what comfort divine. 
 What a blessing to know that my Jeeus is mine
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 75 
 
 In the heavenly Lamb, thrice happy I am ; 
 
 And my heart doth rejoice at the sound of his name. 
 
 "Now onward I haste to the heavenly feast ; 
 That, that is the fulness ; but this is the taste; 
 And this 1 shall prove, till with joy I remove 
 To the heaven of heavens in Jesus's love." 
 
 My mind was sweetly exercised, even in sleep ; 
 — one night I fancied that I was in a large assembly 
 preaching from these words, " Repent, for the king- 
 dom of heaven is at hand." Could I preach as 
 well when awake as when asleep, I should think 
 " wo is me, if I preach not the Gospel ;" — and even 
 now if I was a man, I should think it was my duty, 
 and should be willing to go and preach Jesus, 
 and hold a bleeding Saviour up to view before a 
 guilty world of sinners. O Saviour ! thou art call- 
 ing me to something, I know not what ; but my 
 concern is so great for my follow-mortals, that I 
 could willingly do or suffer whatever the good Lord 
 should be pleased to lay upon me. 
 
 " Come, O my God, thyself reveal, 
 Fill all this mighty void." 
 
 For thou only canst make duty plain, and give my 
 troubled bosom peace. — Thou, Lord, hast given 
 me a talent to occupy, and by grace I am determin- 
 ed to be faithful unto death. 
 
 October 1st. 
 My mind is led to view Jesus as the only Saviour, 
 and he is every way sufficient to save a helpless 
 soul, who trusts in him for grace and receives power 
 daily to conquer every foe, and press towards the 
 kii^gdom.
 
 76 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 For two months past I have written very little. 
 Reading, meditation, and prayer has drank up the 
 moments, which I could arrest from the busy scenes 
 of domestic employment, and the fruit has been 
 sweet. The anxieties of my mind have been great ; 
 and I have not wisdom enough to discern all the 
 devices of the enemy. To use the words of the 
 poet ; 
 
 "I have no skill the snare to shun, 
 But thou, O Christ, my wisdom art ; 
 
 I ever into ruin run, 
 
 But thou art greater than my heart." 
 
 Mark the features of my mind. For I have " put 
 on Christ, making no provision for the flesh to 
 fulfil the lusts thereof;" neither can I bear to have 
 one moment of my time run to waste, but all my 
 time spent to the glory of God and the good of 
 souls. — Time to me appears to be short. that 
 I may do a little good in the vineyard of the Lord 
 before I die. Stimulate my heart, O thou Prince Im- 
 manuel ! that I may be more industrious, and more 
 prudent, more watchful, prayerful, humble and holy, 
 yea, like thyself, thou source of all perfection. 
 
 With the apostle of the Gentiles I can pray, 
 " may the very God of peace sanctify me wholly ; — 
 may spirit, and soul, and body be preserved blame- 
 less unto the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ." 
 1 Thess. v. 23. 
 
 One week more has rolled into vast eternity, and 
 my great Redeemer has been very precious to my 
 soul. This day I sat under the droppings of his 
 sanctuary, and his banner over me was love. O 
 my love, thou art all fair — there is no spot in thee 
 — let me bo adorned with thy righteousness, and
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 77 
 
 then I shall be prepared for heaven ; yea, I shall 
 have a heaven to go to heaven in. 
 
 " The way the holy Prophets went, 
 The road that leads from banishment, 
 The King's highway of holiness 
 I'll go ; for all his paths are peace." 
 
 One day more is gone, and it is 
 
 " A heaven below my Redeemer to know, 
 And the Angels can do nothing more 
 Than to fall at his feet, and the story repeat, 
 And the Lover of sinners adore." 
 
 ! the unbounded love I have for God, and the 
 melting love I have for perishing sinners ! Lord ! 
 revive thy blessed work in this place, and strengthen 
 the weak lambs of thy flock. 
 
 One Sabbath more — Lord ! give me wisdom 
 and strength, skill and grace to know, and do thy 
 will ; yea, Lord, let me receive the word from thy 
 mouth, and warn the people from thee. Blessed be 
 God for his goodness to me this day ; for he has 
 given me strength to stand in his council. In the 
 morning, whilst prostrate before him in prayer, I 
 had an immediate answer, that he would give me 
 strength to do my duty, warn the wicked and re- 
 prove sin wherever I see it. Lord! make me a 
 terror to evil doers, and a praise to those who do 
 well. Several weeks roll away, and nothing spe- 
 cial. Some trials and depression of spirit I expe- 
 rienced ; for I cannot give up the thoughts of visit- 
 ing other regions before I die, especially Vermont. 
 But I rest with great confidence, that God, whose I 
 am and whom I serve, will clear the way before me. 
 7*
 
 78 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 The Lord makes my days to piosper? uhile 
 
 " I give my mortal interest up, 
 And make my God my all." 
 
 This holy treasure — the Bible ! O what a body 
 of truth — how deep its mines — how rich its treas- 
 ures. O thou, who alone canst give me true under- 
 standing of it, shine forth. I thank thee for what I 
 do already understand of this mystery. Yet all I 
 have learned only begets an unbounded hungering 
 and thirsting after wisdom, righteousness, sanctifi- 
 cation, and complete redemption. 
 
 " O God ! thou art my everlasting trust, 
 
 Thy goodness I adore ; 
 Send down thy grace, O blessed Lord, 
 That 1 may love thee more." 
 
 shall I — even I, stand on Zion's balmy top ? — 
 Shall I see the King in his beauty — shall I wear a 
 white robe — shall I bear a glittering crown on my 
 exalted head, through grace 1 This precious word 
 informs me that I may. — What a monument of 
 grace shall I be, if I 'ever get to heaven. Glory to 
 God in the highest, that there is peace to be ob 
 tained on this earth ! 
 
 " Jesus, the name that charms our fears, 
 
 And bids our sorrows cease ; 
 'Tis music in the sinner's ears, 
 
 'Tis life, and health, and peace." 
 
 My days are passing sweetly away, whilst I am 
 watching for opportunities to expose all sinful 
 habits, especially those of youth. This day I have 
 had opportunity of showing the evils, which result
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 79 
 
 from so much time being wasted by young people. 
 how many fair characters have been spoiled by 
 the evil customs, too prevalent amongst the youth, 
 of wasting hours in company every night. Tears 
 cannot wipe away the evil. I retire to my devo- 
 tions and pray for reformation ; and realize, that 
 if the precious time thus badly wasted was to be 
 improved in useful and pious employments, what 
 great benefit would be realized and happiness se- 
 cured ! 1 find the name of the Lord a strong tow- 
 er and safe refuge — there I can hide from all my 
 foes. O blessed forever be that holy hand, that has 
 turned my feet from evil ways, which strengthens 
 me daily to perform my vow. what a blessed 
 choice I have made, now in the morning of life. 
 This adorning of Christ's righteousness, which I 
 now feel to adorn my soul, exceeds all the fine 
 equipage of a King's daughter ; for the most costly 
 fine gilded robes cannot preserve us from the vani- 
 ties of this world, neither can vast riches preserve 
 us from temptation, or all the gilded show and ad- 
 vantage of learning preserve the robe of innocency 
 from stains, much less can any of these forgive sin, 
 remove guilt, or save the soul from death and con- 
 demnation in the day of judgment, or from the lake 
 of fire. 
 
 Glory to God ! Religion can do all this — yea ! 
 the religion which Christ teaches gives daily bread, 
 that will increase strength, and enable the soul to 
 quench all the fiery darts of the eAemy, and keep 
 their robes unspotted from the world. Now I can 
 sing, 
 
 " ^Itj' strength is all in Jesus' name ; 
 His name is my delight ;
 
 80 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 His power preserves me all the day, 
 His goodness, all the night." 
 
 My soul is a witness of the divine reality of reli- 
 gion. O, my merciful Redeemer ! preserve me to 
 be thy unwavering witness forever. Religion ! — it 
 is an insurmountable barrier against all the assaults 
 of this vain world. Who, then, would not seek this 
 pearl of great price — this hidden treasure — hid from 
 a sensual mind, but in the full view of all such as 
 seek the Lord sincerely, with full purpose of heart ! 
 O, my dear youthful reader ! choose the good part, 
 like Mary, and it will not be taken from you.— The 
 sneers of a gay, wicked circle, will not disturb fixed 
 piety. Make it your main business, then, to seek 
 the Lord — choose him for your prophet, priest and 
 king — then it shall be well with you in time and 
 eternity. Sway thy sceptre, Jesus ! — ride forth 
 in victorious mercy, thou mighty conqueror ! and 
 let truth hke arrows, reach the heart of the sinner. 
 O ! that they may be converted to thee ; for thy 
 name and mercies' sake. 
 
 Many were the gracious seasons which I en- 
 joyed, both in public and private devotions, through 
 this winter. 
 
 "Lord, keep me safe while here below, 
 And fill my soul with meekness too." 
 
 " God is my sun, and he's my shield, 
 Through him I'm sure to win the field." 
 
 March, 1810. 
 We have had a solemn meeting, and the circuit 
 preacher. Brother Newell, tarried over night at my 
 father's and employed a few hours of his time in
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 81 
 
 writing, whilst T and my sister were sitting in the 
 same room. He stopped writing and paused a mo- 
 ment, and then tore off a small piece of paper, and 
 wrote upon it, and reached it to me. I took it, ai^d 
 began to read the first question, and was so struck 
 that I dared not read further. I folded it up, and 
 after a short time I withdrew, and in secret retire- 
 ment on my knees before the Lord, I prayed and 
 said, O Lord God of Israel ! if there is any thing 
 written in this paper, that is contrary to thy will, or 
 that will take my mind from thee, or draw my affec- 
 tions from thee, I had rather not read it — nor can I 
 dare to read it, until thou shalt give me freedom so 
 to do. Therefore I come to thee, God. 
 
 After spending some time I felt free to open and 
 read the writing, which was as follows ; — " Please 
 to weigh the following questions in solemn prayer 
 before God, and when you feel free, give me an an- 
 swer. — 1st. Are you convinced that it is your duty 
 to change your state ? — 2d. Is your mind drawn 
 to any person in particular ? — It is not vain specu- 
 lation that makes me ask these questions. I shall 
 have but one more to ask. — that eternity may in- 
 fluence all our movements." — This was all it con- 
 tained. 
 
 Brother Newell soon took leave of the family. 
 After praying with us, he went on to his appoint- 
 ment. 
 
 O God ! I am thine, and I do believe that thou 
 wilt direct me in all things. My heart seems to be 
 so closely pressed to my Saviour, and so taken with 
 his charms, that none of these things move me from 
 him, but only serve to make me more on my guard. 
 — Yea, they drive me to the throne of grace.
 
 oa MEMOIRS OF 
 
 "'Tis all my happiness below 
 
 To live beneath the cross." : 
 
 Glory to God in the highest for the cross ! By it I 
 am crucified to the world, and the world to me. 
 
 Two weeks rolled away. When Br. Newell 
 came to his appointment, he asked me if I had 
 weighed those questions, and was prepared to give 
 any answer. I replied, Not fully ; but am willing 
 to relate some of the exercises of my mind, which 
 I did. When he had prayed with the family, he 
 went on his way, and in one week returned, took 
 dinner, joined with us to sing and pray, and as he 
 was going away he gave me a paper, and said, 
 " Sister Fanny, I wish you to watch and be much 
 in prayer to God ;" and then left me. On the pa- 
 per he had written a sketch of his former character, 
 his experience, and call to the ministry ; and then 
 asked me this question, " could you join such an 
 one in marriage, and help him in the great work of 
 saving souls ?" He added, " I cannot advise one 
 of your tender age and delicate constitution to join, 
 and engage in so arduous a work, with one who has 
 no worldly property or prospect to present to you 
 for comfort ; having nothing, yet possessing all 
 things; but if you are convinced, that the Lord has 
 called you to this great work, and I could be so 
 happy as to have your help, I would receive you as 
 a tender lamb to my bosom, and by the grace of 
 God, be a guard to you ; while you might labor with 
 me in the gospel. May the Lord give thee under- 
 standing in all things. Farewell. E. F. N." 
 
 Having examined this writing, hke the former, in 
 retirement, I now lifted my heart to God and said, 
 thou God of love, I am now brought to the test,
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 83 
 
 and tremble, lest I miss my object, and sink in 
 quicksands ; and thereby lose my peace, and be 
 disappointed in my expectation. 
 
 From this time until we were married, which was 
 not until the following October, we had very little 
 private conversation. For a number of weeks I 
 have had daily communion with God. Doubts, 
 fears, temptations, and trials, all shrink before the 
 breath of prayer. 
 
 Just before brother Newell was going to the 
 Annual New-England Conference, he came to my 
 father's and happening lo be left in a room with him 
 alone, he asked me if I had weighed the subjects on 
 which he had written, so as to be able and ready to 
 give him a full answer. I paused a moment and 
 then answered, yes. " Well," continued he, " if thy 
 heart is right with my heart, as my heart is with 
 thine, give me thy hand." After a moment's 
 silence, I reached out one hand to him and covered 
 my eyes with the other ; and in my heart said, " O 
 God, thou knowest that for thy sake I do this, and 
 not for ease, honor, riches, or pleasure." He 
 returned from conference having been appointed to 
 Norridgewock circuit. We conversed together a 
 little and concluded to be published. He returned 
 not until the day before we were married, which 
 was at a quarterly meeting holden in Sidney, near 
 my father's house. What a most solemn, melting, 
 and precious season ! There was a large concourse 
 of people. 
 
 After the preaching I felt such an impression to 
 speak, that I did not dare to neglect it ; but rose and 
 exhorted the people ; and had great liberty in so 
 doing. Brother Newell rose, read an hymn, and 
 after singing mentioned to the people his intention
 
 84 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 to be joined in marriage after the meeting v/as clo- 
 sed, and before the sacrament should be attended ; 
 and gave his various reasons for thus doing. One 
 reason was, that if any one wished to withdraw, 
 there was full hberty to do it without disorder. The 
 service was closed by prayer ; but no one withdrew 
 or moved. 
 
 Then brother Newell turned toward me, and 
 came to the seat where I sat, and presented his 
 hand. I arose and gave him mine and could truly 
 
 " I take my helmet, sword and shield, 
 And boldly march into the field." 
 
 I valued no man's smile or frown, praise or reproach. 
 
 "I've listed in the holy war, 
 Content with suffering soldier's fare ; 
 I've listed and I mean to fight 
 The fight of faith, with all my might." 
 
 During the ceremony a poor broken hearted sin- 
 ner, about three yards before us, cried aloud for 
 mercy ; and, as I have since learned, found peace. 
 After we were married, Mr. Newell turned with the 
 other preachers, and immediately engaged to pre- 
 pare and administer the sacrament; and a most 
 precious solemn time it was. Thus according to 
 our wish we were married without any more cere- 
 mony than necessity required. 
 
 We had been each (although unknown to the other) 
 fasting, and praying for a divine manifestation at the 
 quarterly meeting, and when that soul cried out for 
 mercy, it was to us such a full answer to our prayer, 
 that we were ready to say. Of a truth the Lord has
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 85 
 
 deigned to grace our union with his divine presence. 
 At the dawn of day Mr. Newell went on his way, 
 and left me to my devotions and my God. 
 
 JVovember lOth. 
 Mr. Newell returned, and on the 11th I started 
 with him on a tour round his circuit, and in this 
 journey I was more than ever confirmed, that I was 
 in the work, for which the Lord had by painful 
 scenes for several years been preparing me. Yea, 
 blessed be God, for he does confirm his word with 
 signs following. At every appointment the melting 
 power of God was more or less experienced. 
 
 I attended one funeral occasion, and I was amply 
 paid for all my fatigue. — 
 
 There were the remains of two children to be buried, 
 who were burnt in a house whilst the parents were 
 absent. The first alarm the woman heard was — 
 " Your house is on fire and the children are in it." 
 — They were all they had. O how good it is to 
 recommend religion to those who are in trouble. 
 The Lord can give rest to the aching breast of a 
 bereaved parent. Blessed be God, his work is 
 sweet, and his reward is glorious, and I am none too 
 good to be worn out in his service ; I am thine, O 
 Lord ! do with me what seemeth to thee good. 
 
 I returned to my father's in March, and was 
 received with joy by my friends, but found my 
 mother sick. Mr. Newell returned to his circuit 
 the next day, and I find the goodness of God so 
 great to me, that I pray earnestly for humility and 
 meekness, lest I should be self-exalted and proud ; 
 for I am feeble, and without the grace of God I can 
 do nothing right. 
 
 In April I attended one quarterly meeting in 
 8
 
 86 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Fairfield, and another in Augusta, They were 
 most solemn meetings to me, but the Lord was my 
 Rock! 
 
 May, 1811. 
 I attend class meeting, and find painful sensations 
 at the thoughts of leaving this society, so endeared 
 to me by ties the most sacred. It is hard to think 
 of parting with my dear brethren in Sidney — to 
 leave a people with whom I have been united in 
 such strong bonds of friendship, and covenant love. 
 O what a precious vine the Lord has planted here — 
 tender plants of his own right hand's planting, plants 
 of renown. O may they grow and thrive as in the 
 court-yard of Heaven — like trees by the river, 
 whose leaf doth not wither, but bringeth forth fruit 
 in its season. Here my feet were taken from the 
 horrible pit and miry clay, and placed on the rock 
 of ages — the chief corner stone — and a new song 
 put into my mouth — even praises to God. He has 
 established my goings; — all glory to his exalted 
 name. He has engrafted me into his vine ; yes, 
 the good shepherd has called me by name, and I 
 delight to follow him, and now he calls me^. shall I 
 say where ? O hast thou indeed called me to labor 
 in thy extended vineyard with thy servant? O 
 speak the answer to my heart — commission me 
 anew. live in my heart — 
 
 "Spring up, O well, I ever cry, 
 Spring up within my soul." 
 
 Let me go to the people as a cloud full of rain. 
 Prepare me, thou God of love, go with me, for 
 Jacob cannot rise but by thee. O thou most mighty.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 87 
 
 clothe me with humihty. I am consoled, O Lord, 
 when I reflect, that thou knowest the secrets of my 
 heart ; for I have not followed cunningly devised 
 fables. I have been like a lamb bleating for its 
 dam, and would not be silent or stop, until it found 
 the breast on which it might be nourished. I have 
 been fed on the sincere milk of the word, and still 
 I desire it ; for I am not able to eat strong meat. 
 Thou knowest, O my heavenly Father, what I have 
 need of to qualify me to do what seemeth to thee 
 good. Let thy presence go with me — 
 
 " O let me live my God to please, 
 My God to glorify ; 
 To spread content and happiness, 
 On all his sons beneath." 
 
 Evening, Lord, assist me to write so that, 
 while I pen down my thoughts, and the feelings of 
 my heart, I may be strengthened, quickened and 
 solemnized ; for it is possible that, whilst some of 
 my friends are reading these sentences impressed 
 by my own hand on this paper, they may be stirred 
 up to seek and serve God. Now as I humbly trust, 
 in obedience to thee, O my Redeemer, I am con- 
 templating a journey to Vermont. How often I 
 have been there in my mind ! The time is at hand 
 that I must leave my father's house, my parents 
 dear, my brothers and sisters, whom I love, and go, 
 perhaps to see them no more on earth ; yet I shall 
 retain a lasting remembrance of the dehghtful un- 
 ruffled hours, which I have passed with this family, 
 from which I claim my birth. The Lord has al- 
 ready done great things for us, and I firmly believe 
 that he will effect a more glorious work in the hearts
 
 88 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 of those, who remain as yet unconverted. I have 
 prayed for them day and night. never shall I 
 forget the wrestlings I have had for their dear souls. 
 
 " All this still legible in memory's page, 
 And still to be so to my latest age, 
 Adds joy to duty, makes me glad to pay 
 Such honors to thee, as my members niay. 
 A frail memorial, but sincere, 
 Not scorn'd in Heaven — 
 Though little notic'd here." 
 
 Maij, 1811. 
 I am now preparing for a long journey. how 
 happy are all those, who walk with a single eye to 
 the glory of God. Now, Lord, help me to dis- 
 charge all my duties in this place faithfully, before I 
 leave it ; for I may never return. I have been 
 taking a retrospective view of my life, since I pro- 
 fessed religion, and feel a peace of mind, that 
 tongue cannot express ; for although I see my short 
 comings, yet I can say with Paul, I take the people 
 of this vicinity to record this day, that I am clear of 
 their blood ; for I have not shunned to declare unto 
 them the whole counsel of God, so far as he has 
 revealed it to me, and has given me ability to perform 
 it ; and have warned them publicly, from house to 
 house, with many tears ; yea, they all know from 
 the iirst of my conversion, in what manner I have 
 been taught in the school of Christ ; and I have 
 learnt many profitable lessons. The first was, 
 " Watch and pray always." " Four things thou 
 must watch over, viz. — 1st. thy thoughts, 2d. thy 
 affections. 3d. thy words. 4th. thy actions. Six 
 things thou must watch against, viz. — 1st. those 
 things that thou art most inclined to by temper and
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 89 
 
 natural constitution. 2d. against those sins thou 
 art most obnoxious to, by reason of thy particular 
 calling, condition, state and course of life. 3d. the 
 sins of the time and place where thou livest. 4th. 
 all occasions of temptation, which thou perceivest 
 are likely to endanger thy soul. 5th. against dis- 
 honoring God in the unlawful use of lawful things. 
 6th. error and seduction of mind. Three things 
 thou must watch for, 1st. the movings of God's 
 Spirit. 2d. opportunities to glorify God in doing 
 good. 3d. to get good. Three tilings may stimu- 
 late to these duties, 1st. most of the the sins into 
 which any one falls are by carelessness and want of 
 watchfulness. 2d. the enemy of our soul is watch- 
 ful to destroy us. 3d. the necessity of perseverance, 
 whereunto a concurrence of our care and diligence 
 is required." To watch over the thoughts is most 
 important. I must be very careful not to lodge 
 or entertain sinful thoughts in my mind. — But 
 how can I prevent wild thoughts from coming 
 into my mind ? One preacher observed, " we can- 
 not prevent birds flying over our heads, but we can 
 prevent their making nests in our hair." I must 
 consider the remedies which are so plainly laid down 
 in the word of God. I will settle in my mind 
 strong and deep apprehensions of the perfections of 
 Jehovah — his Omnipresence and Omniscience, and 
 will say, " thou God seest me." It shall be my care 
 to suppress bad thoughts when they first rise. I 
 will not comply with them, but abandon, and abhor 
 them, and cry out unto the Lord for help. I will 
 endeavor to have a stock of good matter always on 
 hand for my thoughts to work upon. A good man 
 bath a good treasure in his heart, out of which he 
 8*
 
 90 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 bringeth forth good things. I will strive to spirit- 
 uahze my daily employments, and the surrounding 
 worldly objects, and raise some holy meditations 
 from them ; for this was my Saviour's constant 
 practice. The fowls — the water — the ox — the 
 crib — the husbandman, &c. constantly furnished 
 subjects for useful lessons of instruction ; and can 
 I follow a better example ? If I am conscientiously 
 watchful over my thoughts, it will be a great argu- 
 ment for my sincerity, and the truth of the grace of 
 God in me. Many restraints lie upon the outer 
 man to over-awe it, and keep it from evil ; but the 
 power of grace appears, when it commands the 
 inward man, and lays restraints upon our thinking 
 faculties, and brings every thought into captivity in 
 obedience to Christ ; who saith, " out of the heart 
 proceedeth evil thoughts. The evil man, out of the 
 evil treasure of his heart, bringeth forth evil things ; 
 but the good man out of the good treasure of his 
 heart, bringeth forth good things." David said, " I 
 hate vain thoughts, but thy law do I love. — I medi- 
 tate therein day and night." It is the evil that pro- 
 ceedeth from the heart, that defileth a man, therefore 
 thus saith the Lord, " let the wicked man forsake 
 his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts ; let 
 him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy 
 upon him, and unto our God, for he will abundant- 
 ly pardon." My soul shall be satisfied as with 
 marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise thee 
 in the night watches. I thought on my ways, and 
 turned my feet into thy testimonies. I will commend 
 my works unto the Lord, and my thoughts shall be 
 established. Grant me grace, Lord ! that I may 
 keep my heart with all diligence for out of it are the 
 issues of life.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. Di 
 
 Salurdaij. I am putting up my clothes for my 
 journey to Vermont. Truly we need a few ne- 
 cessary things for the poor body, yet I want but 
 little, nor that little long ; for He, who careth for 
 the little sparrow, surely careth for me. This is 
 indeed a solemn day to me. I am continually 
 thinking of leaving my native land to go, I know 
 not where. 
 
 I have criven my mortal interest up, 
 To make my God my all ; 
 
 and truly when 
 
 " Jesus shows his mercy mine," 
 
 I am satisfied ; for 
 
 " His presence makes my paradise, 
 And M'here he is — is heaven. " 
 
 But a few days more, and I shall leave my father's 
 house — that dear circle — but I can by the grace of 
 God say, farewell, my earthly friends — farewell. 
 My Saviour calls and I must go. — It is with solemn 
 joy that I look forward to next Monday, or the 
 time when the parting hour will come. 
 
 Ah ! little did I t)nce think that I should ever 
 leave my native home ; for I have often painted to 
 myself a permanent residence in the midst of my 
 connections, and long to enjoy that society which I 
 love. Now I plainly see that God has appointed 
 me a very different course, and feel confident that 
 nothing but the Spirit of the Lord has effected the 
 work of making me willing, and obtaining my pa- 
 rents' and friends' consent to give me up and let
 
 92 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 me go from their house, at this tender age. These 
 and Hke reflections cause me to say, O Lord ! if I 
 can be of use in thy cause, take me, and do with me 
 as thou didst with the Apostles— baptize me with 
 the Holy Ghost, and with fire. Go with me and 
 I can forsake father and mother, sister and brother, 
 yea, all, for thy sake and the Church's. O give me 
 the hundred fold, which thou hast promised as my 
 reward in this world, with persecution. I claim 
 the promise 1 O give it me ; and 
 
 " I'll bear the cross, endure the pain, 
 Supported by thy word." 
 
 O Lord, my God ! life eternal, is the remainder of 
 the sum. O my soul, how rich thou mayest be, if 
 thou wilt only prove faithful unto death. Surely 
 
 " I must fight, if I would reign ; 
 Increase my courage, Lord." 
 
 Once more I resume my pen to record a few of my 
 thoughts. It relieves my mind. The Lord is good, 
 and seems to favor me with a great degree of peace ; 
 nevertheless I have many childish feelings, when I 
 think of leaving my friends, and being separated 
 so far from them. Yet I cannot but look forward 
 withjoy to the parting day. However, if I could 
 go, as I could wish, it would not be so painful at 
 the last, as nature would suggest. I have been try- 
 ing to have my work done and well done, as I have 
 before said. I have more work to do here ; I have 
 yet a few charges to leave with my dear sister Sa- 
 rah, who has set out with me for heaven. We have 
 been like true yokefellows to help each other on in 
 the good way, and now I am about to leave her, I
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 93 
 
 have some fears that she will backslide, as all her 
 young friends are against her ; for Christ hath said, 
 "he that is not for me is against me." I have a 
 few things to say to the rest of the children. Ah ! 
 how can I leave the dear little twins — my youngest 
 brother and sister — seeing I have had a particular 
 care of them so long, that they twine about my af- 
 fectionate heart. 
 
 Sabbath. It is the last I expect to spend again 
 very soon with my Sidney friends and brethren. 
 May this be the best that I ever had. 
 
 Evening. blessed be God for his great good- 
 ness to me. He has enabled his handmaid to dis- 
 charge her last duty to her brothers and sisters, 
 friends and neighbors, saint and sinner, with a calm- 
 ness of spirit, that I did not expect. But the Lord 
 is good, and his mercy endureth forever. Glory to 
 God in the highest. My soul is happy — happy — 
 Hallelujah. 
 
 Mondaij, May I2th, 1811. 
 
 The expected solemn delightful morning is come, 
 and now, Lord ! stand by me this once also, that 
 I may take leave of my friends with composure of 
 spirit, and console their hearts, and give them peace 
 in beheving that it is all for the best good of thy 
 cause, that I should leave them, and that I go in 
 obedience to thee ; for no money would be tempting 
 enough to draw me thus to leave this, to me, most 
 delightful place. But I must leave off writing and 
 attend prayers ; for the neighbors are already col- 
 lecting to see me go, and give me the parting hand. 
 
 Tuesday evening we arrived at brother Bishop's 
 in Winthrop and were received with marks of the 
 greatest Christian kindness. Yesterday I took 
 leave of my weeping friends, — and a memorable
 
 94 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 season it will be to me. 1 with joy and grief in my 
 heart took the parting hand of an affectionate father 
 and mother, brothers and sisters, kind and dear — a 
 loving society of Christians, and dear neighbors, 
 whilst a solemnity rested on my mind, which I can- 
 not describe. Silence prevailed while I ascended 
 the carriage — tears and soft sighs were left to tell 
 the farewell ! We sat silent in the carriage, whilst 
 moving onward. 
 
 I have now set out on my long anticipated mission 
 to Vermont. What am I going for ? — riches 1 no — 
 ease ? surely not — honor or pleasure ] — all these I 
 leave to those who love them. I have higher at- 
 tainments in my mind. I have more worthy ob- 
 jects in view. I am going to seek a bride for 
 my Master, and hope to win souls to Christ, my 
 Lord ! Now, God of love, thou, who hast thus 
 far opened and prepared my way before me, assist 
 me to do my every duty, and keep me in the hollow 
 of thine hand, and guide my feet in the ways of 
 righteousness. I find it good to journey with one, 
 who delights to sing and pray. We travel by easy 
 stages, and find many kind friends on our way. 
 
 Saturday. We arrive at brother Place's in Ro- 
 chester, ]V. H. I am a little fatigued, but have en- 
 joyed a quiet and peaceful frame of mind until to- 
 day ; but from what cause my mind is disquieted I 
 know not. My cry is, 
 
 "Come, Lord, in my poor heart appear, 
 My God, my Saviour, come away ; 
 O cheer me with a heavenly ray." 
 
 We had several meetings. The sacramental 
 season was good, but the prayer meeting was extra- 
 ordinary.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 95 
 
 Monday. We left Rochester to go on to father 
 Newell's. The rocky roads of New-Hampshh-e 
 retard our progress, and we fall far short of our ex- 
 pected haven. Night comes on, and I am very 
 much fatigued, and we begin to inquire for a place 
 of entertainment. There were no inns near. We 
 applied, and applied, and found nothing but denial. 
 Every one had some excuse. This indeed was a 
 trying scene to me. I began to reflect how often 
 my parents entertained strangers, yea, they always 
 kept open doors for friends and foes. I have seen 
 my father go and sit down by the side of the high- 
 way, as though he waited the arrival of some stran- 
 gers, that he might say to them, " turn in, I have 
 straw and provender enough" — nor do I remember 
 their ever turning any one away. At length we 
 came in sight of a small house, and I said to my 
 companion, let us go there. He observed, the 
 house was small and out of the road, and we had 
 better pursue our course to a large elegant house, 
 which just began to appear in sight, where we 
 might be made comfortable. I observed, perhaps 
 they will not be more willing, and if I can rest my 
 weary head safe from the damp vapors of the night, 
 it is enough. As we came opposite the house, an 
 old man came out, crippling toward the bars. — Mr. 
 Newell hailed him in this language, " Father ! 
 have you room for weary pilgrims?' "Yes, yes, 
 turn in, turn in," replied he, and hastened with all 
 his dexterity to the bars, and began to remove them 
 with as much apparent joy, as though he had just 
 received a friend, who had been long absent ; and 
 with as much joy we turned in. With gratitude to 
 my God, in my heart I exclaimed, blessed be God 
 for his goodness. We went in and found a neat
 
 96 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 family, consisting of the aged parents and one 
 daughter. We thankfully partook of their whole- 
 some fare ; had a very precious interview, and in 
 the morning they followed us to the highway, pro- 
 nounced many blessings on us, having freely en- 
 tertained us without money or price. Thank the 
 Lord that there are some, who delight to do good 
 and communicate. O Lord ! thou hast promised to 
 reward a cup of cold water, and wilt thou not re- 
 member these who have entertained us strangers? 
 
 JMciy 2 1st. We reached Pembroke, N. H., and 
 I was presented to father and mother Newell, as a 
 new daughter, whom God had added to the family. 
 They received me with every mark of attention and 
 respect. We passed about two weeks in visiting 
 the connexions, holding meetings, and enjoying 
 some interesting and profitable interviews with the 
 church. 
 
 We had a, good time at father Newell's ; and 
 June 19th set out for Barnard, \'t., where the New- 
 England Conference is to be holden, and where 
 Mr. Newell expects to receive his appointment. 
 O Lord ! direct in this thing, is the silent breathing 
 of my heart. Only let the place be, where it shall 
 be most for our profit, and the best good of thy 
 cause, and redound most to thy glory. Our roads 
 are rough and rocky, and many sloughs are to be 
 passed in this rugged region ; yet like a young sol- 
 dier equipped and animated with the thoughts of victo- 
 ry ; and although not expecting to destroy the enemy 
 and win the victory alone with his homely weapons, he 
 is wilUng to do what he can. O Lord, thou knowest 
 that I desire to serve thee acceptably, and to conduct 
 myself with propriety, as becomes a child of Grace. 
 
 20th, — Fall in company with a precious brother
 
 FANNT NEWELL. 97 
 
 and sister Frost, journeying our way. Time passes 
 pleasantly, while peace of mind and health of body 
 are increasing. This day we have pleasant roads 
 and views, while winding amongst the high hills of 
 Vermont. Upon the pleasant banks of White Riv- 
 er at evening we find a company of preachers, and 
 they seem like so many brothers filled with love and 
 zeal for God and the good of souls. O ! what a 
 spirit of the gospel is here. I feel the gentle 
 breathings of the Holy Ghost, watering my full 
 heart. 
 
 2lsU — In compan) with a number of the dear 
 servants of the Lord we begin to ascend some of 
 the high hills, which enable us to look down on the 
 houses in the vallies. The steep sloping hills, on 
 whose sides the winding road with great labor and 
 difficulty is fixed, make me a little timid while rid- 
 ing ; but my mind is filled with joy, when I reflect 
 on the preservative goodness of God. My long 
 journey of near 300 miles has not impaired but im- 
 proved my health. Although fears were entertained 
 that I should die on the road, yet blessed be God ! 
 I breathe the fresh air of the high hills and am 
 happy. 
 
 We arrive at Barnard and find much people col- 
 lected for Conference. After dinner I walked out 
 with sister F. and was suddenly attacked with the 
 spotted fever, which was as follows. We had not 
 walked far before a severe pain darted through my 
 temple, and spread rapidly over my whole body. 
 W^ith the assistance of my kind friend I reached the 
 house with difficulty. A doctor being present, he 
 was called into the room where I was. He at- 
 tempted to draw blood first in my hand, and then in 
 my arm. How they proceeded then I do not recol- 
 9'
 
 98 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 lecU but have been since informed, that I had my 
 perfect senses, and knew every thing that I saw ; 
 but could retain nothing, and that when my dear hus- 
 band came in, I took him by the hand, saying, I am 
 very sick ; he passed out of my sight, and I en- 
 quired when my dear husband would come, that I 
 wanted to see him. He immediately stepped to me 
 again, and I said I had forgotten. The doctors 
 proceeded to bleed me five times in less than three 
 hours. Five were present and one stayed con- 
 stantly by me. Thus amongst strangers the Lord 
 provided for me* This fever has prevailed much 
 in this vicinity of late. One young woman died 
 only a short time before, in the room where I was 
 sick. The Bishops of the Conference boarded in 
 the house and I was favored with their prayers and 
 visits. 
 
 One day Bishop Asbury came into the room, 
 walked up to the bed, looked on me, and groaned, 
 turned about, walked up and down the room, and 
 then went out without saying a word. I felt entire 
 resignation to the will of God — life or death — but 
 seeing the anxiety of my companion, and knowing 
 that this fever generally terminated very soon in death 
 or restoration, my mind was for a moment disturbed, 
 and I said inwardly, if I die, I shall be disappointed 
 in my expectations in coming to this place. — How- 
 ever, after some earnest breathings of heart to God 
 in prayer, my peace returned to me, and I said to 
 my companion, on the third day of my fever, 
 (Saturday) fear not ; I know this is a critical time. 
 You are in a few days to receive your appointment, 
 and will wish to go to the same as soon as possible. 
 Trust in God ; he will do all things well ; and as for 
 me, I am confident that you will not be detained on 
 
 I
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 99 
 
 my account. I shall not be any hinderance to keep 
 you from your circuit. Death will close the scene 
 with me, and you may lay my body in yonder grave- 
 yard ; — where it will be safe, lying in peace until 
 the blessed morning of the resurrection ; or I shall 
 be raised up, and able to go with you. 
 
 On saying these words my soul felt what my 
 tongue, pen, or words cannot express. The good 
 Bishop Asbury came again into my room as before, 
 looked on me, walked to the door and kneeled 
 down, and prayed ; and such a prayer I scarcely 
 ever heard before. Blessed be God for the prayer 
 of faith, which saveth the sick. He rose, came and 
 looked on me again, and said, "she will get 
 well." 
 
 Sabbath. — About two o'clock P. M. the Doctor, 
 who had the principal charge came in and some 
 other of his counsellors with him. They appeared 
 much alarmed at my case, and said if I left that 
 room in three weeks we might think ourselves well 
 off, — gave strict rules and a large quantity of medi- 
 cine ; but " according to our faith so it was." 
 About five o'clock P. M. the raging fever gave way 
 in a moment, and I said, to the joy of my beheving 
 husband, I am well but weak. The nights were 
 short, and my companion, who had watched with me 
 every night of my sickness, fell asleep, and we 
 neither of us awoke until daylight appeared. My 
 dear friend aroused me and with a smile said, ** take 
 a little cordial for we have overslept ourselves." I 
 looked up and asked, is it possible that I have had 
 one whole night's rest, free from scorching pains 1 
 We joined in thanksgiving and poured out our thank- 
 offering to God, who had done such wonders for us. 
 
 Monday,^-The Elders were to be ordained this
 
 100 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 day, and Mr. Newell was one. He went to the 
 conference, saying to the Doctor, who was then 
 with me, " if you think it will do to gratify my wife 
 in coming to ordination, and will lend her all need- 
 ful aid, you will have your reward." Accordingly 
 about 1 1 o'clock A. M. with a little help, I was able 
 to ride about fifty rods to the meeting-house, and 
 sat in the aisle, near the door of the house ; — I 
 heard part of the sermon, and saw the Elders (my 
 husband being one) ordained, and then returned. 
 
 The old doctor came and asked with astonish- 
 ment, if his patient had been to meeting, and was 
 answered, yes. " You have made work for repent- 
 ance," said he. Mr. Newell said, " Doctor, please 
 to examine." He did and said, " Truly there is no 
 disease, only weakness." He gave the doctor all 
 the medicine just as he had left it the day before, 
 saying, " We acknowledge the hand of God in this 
 restoration from this dire disease." " Well," said 
 the Dr. " Here is my medicine ; I profess no relig- 
 ion, yet am not prepared to gainsay your statement." 
 He would receive no money as a reward. my 
 Lord ! bless him, and all my kind attendants. 
 
 On Wednesday following, we set out on our jour- 
 ney to go to Danville circuit, somewhat weak in 
 body, but strong in God my Saviour. I travelled 
 on with considerable ease ; for the Lord was with 
 us in very deed. 
 
 Saturday. — We had rough roads and my fatigues 
 caused my poor body to give out ; but I supported 
 my distress, and concealed my feelings for a long 
 time. At length I said, you must stop and let me 
 lie down in the carriage ; for there was no house 
 near, and the woods which we had entered were five 
 or six miles through — let me rest a little, and then
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 101 
 
 try again. Accordingly he did, and Mr. Newell 
 went into the woods out of my sight ; but I felt 
 when his prayers reached heaven. Altough I knew 
 not that he went to pray, yet I perceived that I was 
 made whole. He returned in about two or three 
 minutes, and I said to him, you have been praying 
 for me. His countenance was melted, as I spoke, 
 and he said, " How do you know, are you better?" 
 I answered yes, as well as I was in the morning — 
 thanks be to God who heareth prayer, we ask and 
 receive, seek and find, knock and it is opened unto 
 us. This was help \n time of need. We took a 
 little refreshment, and then travelled on as under 
 the wing of the Almighty, who is a present help in 
 trouble. We arrived at Danville and went to Br. 
 A. Sias's about eight o'clock P. M. 
 
 Sabbath. — Our meeting was solemn and interest- 
 ing. 
 
 On Friday, July 6th, I parted with my husband, 
 at Br. Bachelder's ; where I expect to tarry for a 
 short time, to rest and refresh the poor weary body. 
 This is the first time, that I ever was left among 
 strangers, without any of my relations near. But 
 praise be given to my Redeemer, for his goodness 
 is more precious to me than all earthly friends. 
 My desires are strong to be useful to this family, 
 especially to my female friends ; to whom I find 
 great access. 
 
 Sabbath. Attend meeting with entire strangers, 
 in a strange land ; but the Lord was present indeed, 
 and his power was sensibly felt by many. We had 
 a most glorious time. Jesus calms my fears, soothes 
 my sorrows, and gives me peace, even in this for- 
 eign land. 
 
 Tuesday evening; I have been visiting another 
 9*
 
 102 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 family, and we spent the time in singing hyninas, con- 
 versing on heavenly things, praying to our God, and 
 had a profitable waiting before the Lord, and parted, 
 leaving them in tears. 
 
 " My thoughts in holy wondor rise, 
 And bring their thanks to thee — 
 And when my spirit drinks her fill 
 At some good word of thine, 
 Not mighty men, who share the spoil, 
 Have joys compar'd to mine." 
 
 I do praise God, that ever I sought him while he 
 was to be found, that is in the morning of my life ; 
 but ! how high is religion in my estimation — it is 
 the only thing that will give satisfaction and comfort 
 to the immortal mind. My soul is happy. Glory 
 in the highest to my maker ! I am not sorry that I 
 bid my friends farewell ; for it was the Spirit of God 
 that bade me go, and I hope never to do as the 
 Israelites did, turn back to the things left in Egypt. 
 O Lord ! give me grace to conquer. O, the good- 
 ness of God to me ! He has heard prayer, and he 
 will surely send us reformation. This year it has 
 already began in my heart, and I look to see it 
 abroad. In my lonely walks God is my portion, 
 and my all — He will favor us — Zion shall flourish — 
 Rejoice in hope, my soul, for the Redeemer's 
 glory will shine forth. 
 
 Some weeks have passed since I put pen to pa- 
 per, aud I have had many trials. While looking at 
 my own insufficiency to perform the duties beibre 
 me, I often shrink from them ; but I have no peace 
 but in striving, in my weak way, to do whatever my 
 Lord requires of me ; for my desire is not to offend 
 i/jy Maker — God. The Lord has made hard
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 103 
 
 things easy to me, and now I will venture forward 
 in this most solemn and awful duty laid upon me, to 
 go and warn-them of an approaching death, trusting 
 in thee, O thou Eternal Jehovah ! Lord God Om- 
 nipotent. 
 
 The duty was this — to go and warn brother B/s 
 son, who lived in the same house with him, that his 
 only child would die and not live. The child was 
 highly prized by all the household, old and young ; 
 especially by the parents, who were not professors 
 of religion. It was revealed to me, that the child 
 would die. At first I put the thoughts out of my 
 mind as much as possible ; but one night I dreamed 
 that a man came to my bed-side, and awoke me out 
 of my sleep, and said, " Go to the staircase, and 
 take that coffin, and carry it to Mr. Batchelder for 
 his child ; for the child will die." Ithought that I 
 sprang out of bed, and took the coffin from a tall 
 slender man, asked him the price, and gave him the 
 money. As soon as I took the coffin into my arms, 
 I awoke with speechless awe, and was upon the 
 point of rising, and going immediately to do my 
 long neglected errand, but finally concluded to'wait 
 until morning. But I slept no more that night. 
 
 Accordingly I went into the room the next day, 
 and found the mother makmg a gown for the child. 
 — This will do for an introduction to my errand. — 
 I said, You are making a garment for that child, but 
 she will never put it on. She suddenly lifted up her 
 head, saying, " What do you mean ?" I said. Your 
 child will not live long. She was speechless. I 
 said. Prepare to part with that dear child. After a 
 few words more I left the room, and retired to my 
 chamber and was much tried, for these thoughts 
 rushed into my mind, — You have given that woman
 
 104 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 needless pain, and distresses of heart, and you have 
 imagined that it was the Spirit of God ; but it was 
 not. The child is in good health, and will not die. 
 For a few moments I would have given any thing 
 in my power, if I had not spoken to her on the sub- 
 ject. I was so troubled, that I could not eat, nor 
 sleep, until after I heard the child cry in this same 
 night, and with the sound it came into my mind, 
 there. Death has flung his arrows into that child's 
 bosom. And so it was ; for it was taken sick that 
 very night, and died in about twelve days. Strange 
 to tell ! the parents did not think the child danger- 
 ously sick ; neither were they humbled. 
 
 On the morning before the child died, I was at a 
 distance from the house, and the young women with 
 me, when suddenly a cry of lamentation was heard 
 from the window of the house. We ran in and 
 found the child dying, and the mother in agonies of 
 grief. I strove to console her by exciting her to 
 yield to the Providence of God, but she could not 
 be reconciled to give up her darling child. She 
 took hold of the babe, saying, "You must not die — 
 I cannot give you up." While I stood and beheld 
 this scene, and the distress of the dying child, 
 something seemed to move me to tell the mother 
 not to keep the child in misery any longer, by her 
 unwillingness to give it up, I said to the woman, 
 Are you willing to see your child in this distress I 
 She answered, no. Then give her up, for it ap- 
 pears to me that God holds this child in the arms of 
 death, because of the unwillingness of your mind 
 to give her up. Pray, and weep then for thyself, 
 and be reconciled to God, and he will say, ' it is 
 enough,' and take the child to himself. On hearing 
 this she left the child, and sat down apparently com-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 1G5 
 
 posed, and in a measure she was composed. The 
 child then breathed quietly a few breaths and sweet- 
 ly fell asleep, to wake no more, until the resurrec- 
 tion. After the remains of the child were laid 
 solemnly and decently by the side of the wall of the 
 room, all were called in. The grandfather read a 
 chapter in the Bible, and they requested me to 
 pray. I did, and the Lord was my helper, and a 
 solemn and melting time we had. 
 
 Mr. Newell was sent for to attend the funeral. 
 His text was in 2 Kings, iv. 26. " Is it well with 
 thee ? is it well with thy husband ? is it well with 
 the child ? And she answered, It is well." After 
 returning from the grave we had a season of waiting 
 before the Lord. Never was my heart more drawn 
 out for any one than for these poor bereaved parents 
 and mourning relatives. that this providence of 
 God might wean them from the world, and cause 
 them to see and feel the necessity of setting their 
 aftections on things above, and not on things on 
 this earth. 
 
 »RugusL 
 I go to Walden, on the west part of the circuit. 
 O, that I may be faithful in this place also, and 
 always show myself a friend of Christ and his 
 cause, in every house I enter ! 
 
 O, make my heart thy fix'd abode ; 
 There let the heavenly Dove reside. 
 
 The affectionate people of this place have shown 
 me much kindness. Lord have mercy upon their 
 souls, and give me to see a more powerful work of 
 thy Spirit on their hearts. We have had many 
 lively and solemn meetings in this place.
 
 106 MEMOIRS OP 
 
 October. 
 I have spent this month in travelling the circuit 
 with Mr. Newell, and have seen some most pow- 
 erful times, and all were truly affecting meetings, 
 especially, our quarterly meeting. One circum- 
 stance deserves notice : Mr. Newell preached in 
 the forenoon, and said toward the close of his dis^ 
 course, that he felt as though he was preaching his last 
 discourse to some one in the assembly; and that some 
 one of that congregation were hearing their last 
 sermon. The next Tuesday following we called 
 in to pray with the bereaved family, and saw the 
 pale remains of a young man, who was at meeting 
 with us, on the Sabbath in the forenoon, left the 
 meeting at noon, and was taken sick Sabbath eve, 
 and died this morning about 6 o'clock. Q how 
 fading are the blooming flowers of youth ! May we 
 be also ready. My mind has been kept in perfect 
 peace, while laboring for my Lord and Master in 
 his vineyard. I believe that the Lord is preparing 
 me for some great trial. O that I may so improve 
 this grace, that I may meet the trial with joy, what- 
 ever it may be, 
 
 J\*ovember 23c?. 
 Thus far the most merciful Lord has led me on 
 for two weeks past, through glimmering hopes and 
 gloomy fears ; but this day my faith is increased 
 wonderfully., 
 
 " O my foreboding, treacherous heart, be stiU, 
 Be calm arid sink into God's holy will." 
 
 " Since I have made the Lord my trust, 
 
 A refuge always nigh ; 
 "Why should I Hke a timorous bird. 
 
 To distant mountains fty ?"
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 107 
 
 no ! 
 
 "I will gladly fulfil his adorable will, 
 Roll round with the year, 
 
 And never standstill 
 Till the Master appear." 
 
 " So shall my walk be close with God, 
 Calm and serene my frame, 
 
 And purer light shall mark the road, 
 That leads me to the Lamb." 
 
 December 3d. 
 
 Mr. Newell has returned from his appointment. 
 I have had another day of thick darkness, but the 
 Lord has removed it ; blessed be his holy name ! 
 the Comforter is come and a trying scene is near. 
 
 Here I will refer the reader to 1 Samuel i. — I 
 have prayed, but I have feared, that I should not 
 live, hke Hannah of old, to see the full accomplish- 
 ment of my faith ; but God will raise up an Eh if 
 need so require. It is now a long time since I 
 have been able to write^ and what shall be said, O 
 my Lord and my God, for the wonderful things 
 which thou hast done for me ? I will adopt the 
 language of David, and say, " O give thanks unto 
 the Lord, for he is good ; for his mercy endureth 
 forever." It is with solemn awe, that I attempt a 
 relation of the deahngs of God with me, for a few 
 weeks that are past. 
 
 I am truly a monument of his mercy — one that 
 has been delivered from the jaws of death — yea, 
 more, I thought I had clean escaped out of this 
 troublesome world. 
 
 On the evening of the 4th of December, 1811, 
 my first born was introduced to the joy of all present. 
 I said in my heart, he shall be called Ebenczer ;
 
 108 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 for hitherto the Lord has helped me. Three days 
 after, by means of neglect, I took a violent cold, 
 and a fever followed. O what a wonder that I 
 am alive on the shores of time. I am a miracle of 
 grace, and am thankful for this instance of mercy ; 
 for I would rejoice in the will of my Heavenly 
 Father, and to have it more than my meat and drink 
 to do his will. For me it would have been better to 
 have departed, and then I should have been with 
 Christ. O yes, the delightful prospect which I had 
 of heaven and glory still rests within my heart. On 
 the eighth day my body sunk in a measure under 
 my disease, and for several days I had httle know- 
 ledge of what passed around me. The terror of 
 death was upon me, and I expected soon to pass 
 its dismal vale. My mind was resigned to give up 
 my friends, and die in a strange land, yet to leave 
 a dear afflicted husband and tender son, were pain- 
 ful thoughts to me. I began now to examine my- 
 self, and sought earnestly for full resignation to the 
 will of God — and I found what I sought. The 
 Lord delivered me from the terrors of death, and 
 enabled me to give up all, and I felt fully resigned 
 to go. 
 
 Then an awful, glorious, interesting scene was 
 open to my view ; and whether I was in the body or 
 out of the body, I cannot tell ; God knoweth. 
 This one thing I know, that I had no knowledge of 
 anything, that transpired below the sun on this 
 earth. Neither did I see anything with my natural 
 eyes ; for they were covered with several thickness- 
 es of cloth, to protect them from the hght, which 
 gave me pain. In the first of my vision I thought, 
 that I had taken leave of all earthly friends, and was 
 taken up a little from the earth ; from thence looking
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 109 
 
 down I saw my body, from which my spirit had so 
 lately taken her flight. I saw also my companion 
 and friends weeping around the poor lifeless clay, 
 and thought God had taken all natural affection 
 from me, for I felt no degree of sorrow. My stay 
 here was short ; for I beheld a path like stairs lead- 
 ing from earth to Heaven, and immediately was on 
 the stairs ascending up to Heaven. I observed 
 that there were multitudes of people behind and 
 before me, who were ascending the same stairs. 
 As we came to the top, the stairs seemed to form 
 an oval ; and descending into a level, I beheld on 
 this plain a gulf of darkness, out of which issued 
 black pillars of smoke. 
 
 Still advancing I observed a great contrast in the 
 people who were with me. Some of them appeared 
 very lively, gay, and elegantly dressed ; others ap- 
 peared meanly dressed and decrepit. As I drew 
 near the gulf, some fears began to arise, not dis- 
 cerning any way to cross it. I hurried on hoping 
 to see how those who were before me crossed, or 
 what became of them. When I came near, to my 
 great astonishment I saw over the gulf, and lo ! a 
 wall great and high, in which was a gate. I beheld 
 some persons entering. I stood with wonder and 
 ardent desire to cross, being confident that, if I 
 could only get on the other side, I should be forever 
 safe, and happy. With redoubled haste I moved on 
 to see what was the end of those, who were yet 
 before me. Coming near the brink, to my surprise, 
 those who appeared mean and decrepit in a moment 
 were changed and assumed the most beautiful ap- 
 pearance that my eyes had ever beheld ; and im- 
 mediately I saw them on the other side ; the gate 
 opened ; they enter, and were seen no more. Oh ! 
 10
 
 110 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 dreadful to tell, those dear souls, who but a few 
 moments before were lively and gay, here appeared 
 too horrid to describe. As they approached the 
 brink, they writhed and with an horrid shriek drop- 
 ped, and plunged out of my sight. This is the end 
 of the wicked. I thought that I would kneel down, 
 and pray, that my faith might not fail, and plead for 
 help in this time of need. 
 
 Rising from my knees, and looking most earn- 
 estly across the gulf, I beheld the gate thrown wide 
 open, and a man standing full in the gateway. I 
 raised up both my hands, and cried out, that is my 
 Saviour, Christ the Lord. how unspt^akable was 
 the joy that filled my soul. Immediately he spoke 
 and said, " Fanny, you must not come yet ; thou 
 shalt not die, but live, and declare the works of the 
 Lord to the children of men. Go back to yonder 
 earth." When these words were spoken, I was 
 turned about. He pointed out my course to me, 
 repeating the words " thou shalt not die," &c. My 
 mind shrunk at the thoughts of going back again to 
 the earth. I cried out, how can I go back ? My 
 mind was filled, whilst in full view of the heavenly 
 world, and just ready to enter bright glory, and 
 must I be driven back upon the boisterous ocean of 
 life ? O Lord, help me. Then these words were spok- 
 en the third time, " thou shalt not die," &c., and with 
 them a divine power of reconciliation so filled my 
 heart, that all was peace ; and such a view of dif- 
 ferent parts of the earth, islands, new settlements, 
 and large towns, and villages, was given to me that, 
 when I came to myself, I called for Mr. Newell. He 
 sat by me (as he afterwards told me, waiting to see 
 what the Lord was about to do with me, and had 
 my hand in his,) and pressing my hand gently said,
 
 FANNY NEWELL. HI 
 
 I am here. I answered, I shall not die, but live, 
 and declare the wonderful works of God to the 
 children of men. 
 
 I requested the meeting to be adjourned from 
 the school-house that was near, and have the meet- 
 ing in the house, where I had been sick. It was so 
 ordered, and the next evening the good neighbors 
 flocked in and filled the adjoining room and Mr. 
 Newell preached from Psalm cxviii. 17, " I shall 
 not die but live and declare the works of the Lord," 
 agreeably to my request. I was enabled from my 
 bed to exhort the people, who, with many tears, 
 rejoiced with us in what the Lord had done ; for 
 when the Doctor, a very skilful man, left the house 
 the night before, he said. Sister Newell can't live 
 until morning. Of course the inquiry was. Is she 
 dead ? The blessings of Heaven seemed to fall 
 and rest upon us. O Lord, hold that kind people 
 in remembrance. " that men would praise the 
 Lord for his goodness, and his wonderful works to 
 the children of men." 
 
 " If such a worm, as I, can spread 
 The common Saviour's name, 
 Let Him, who rais'd me from the dead, 
 Gluicken my mortal frame." 
 
 I bless the Lord who crowneth me with loving kind- 
 ness. He hath remembered the low estate of his 
 handmaid. I was brought low and he hath raised 
 me from the gates of death, that I should praise 
 him in the land of the living. The dead cannot 
 praise thee in this earth, but the living ! they praise 
 thee. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and let the re- 
 deemed of the Lord praise him, whom he hath 
 redeemed with his own blood. I will call upon the
 
 112 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Lord as long as I live,, and make mention that he is 
 good. Great and terrible is he when he ariseth to 
 make known his wrath amongst the wicked. But 
 I will keep thy law within my heart. It shall be 
 my delight to meditate day and night. Set me as a 
 seal upon thy heart, for thy love is stronger than 
 death. 
 
 " Beneath the shadow of thy wings, 
 I shall securely rest." 
 
 Sabbath, Dec. 22. 
 I am now able to begin to take care of the great 
 charge, which the Lord has committed to me. At 
 a quarterly meeting holden in Cabot, we devoted 
 our son to God in the holy ordinance of baptism, 
 and so manifest was the approbation of that God, 
 to whom we set him apart by this sacred seal, that 
 error stood back, and one of the most rigid said, *' let 
 them, who think it their duty to baptize infants, do it, 
 and the Lord bless them." A young woman, who had 
 waited to be baptized by immersion, on this occasion, 
 rose in a distant part of the crowded assembly, and 
 said with a loud and quick voice, " let me go to 
 Heaven with little children" — rushed through the 
 crowd — kneeled down and was baptized by pouring. 
 This gave such a shock to the people, and the glory 
 of God was so manifest, that all appeared to be sat- 
 isfied, that God owned this ordinance. My soul 
 felt a blessing in giving myself afresh to him, with 
 all I have and am. that we may have grace to 
 bring this child up for God. Amen. 
 
 February. 
 Visit some part of the circuit, where reformation
 
 FANNY NEWELL. IIS 
 
 has been spreading. In Greensboroiigh a young 
 man came out to meeting, because he heard that 
 the preacher's wife sometimes exhorted the people ; 
 and, as he afterwards stated, beheved in what is 
 calledUniversahsm. Mr. NewelPs text was, 1 Cor. 
 vi. 19, 20. "Ye are not your own, for ye are 
 bought with a price :" Here Mr. Newell paused and 
 stood silent about one minute. The young man 
 thought, well, this will do for me ; the preacher ^vill 
 do no harm to my sentiments to-night. But when 
 the latter clause was read, " therefore glorify God in 
 your body, and in your spirit, which are his," he trem- 
 bled ; and whilst the discourse lasted, his sentiments 
 were failing him ; but as he added, when the woman 
 rose and spake, he was like sinking Peter ; crying. 
 Lord, save or I perish. I sink into eternal ruin. 
 He was not alone. Many like himself, sought and 
 found mercy, on this part of the circuit ; and now 
 the promises of the Lord are verified. I left a 
 kind father's house, but have found truly a hundred 
 fathers' houses ; yea, all the people, where I go, 
 treat me with respect, and many with Christian af- 
 fection. Now I am preparing to leave this place, 
 many have been the heart cheerings and soul reviv- 
 ings, which I have enjoyed in various parts of this 
 circuit, and now to part with this circle of Heaven- 
 bound friends seems trying. 
 
 June 8th. 
 We parted with our friends on Danville Circuit. 
 Some of the youth followed us through the neigh- 
 borhood from which we set out. We called and 
 prayed with several families, and bid them farewell ; 
 and we had a solemn and affectionate parting ; for 
 they seemed like our Heavenly Father's family, — 
 10*
 
 114 MEBIOIRS OF 
 
 Bless the Lord, my soul, for giving us favor in 
 the eyes of the people, and souls for our hire. O 
 how merciful has the Lord dealt with his feeble dust 
 this year ! — I will record his praise. — We move on 
 by easy stages to Pembroke, and renew the tender 
 friendship with endeared family connections ; — hold 
 several meetings — and have freedom in private con- 
 versation with many. O may the Lord make it a 
 lasting blessing to them, even when I am no more 
 numbered with the inhabitants of this earth. 
 
 June 22c/. 
 We find it painful to pvut with these friends, but 
 duty draws us on. 
 
 23. — Reach Lynn, Mass. where our conference was 
 holden, put up at Br. Newell's ; a family connection 
 of my husband. O that I may be useful to this family 
 and all with whom I may converse during this meet- 
 ing. These times are trying. War ! — the proc- 
 lamation of war reached us while we are here, and 
 our meetings are attended with solemnity. — Mr. 
 Newell's appointment is on Barre circuit, in Ver- 
 mont. 
 
 We take a tour to Kennebec- I hail my native 
 land with joy, and with gratitude relate the dealings 
 of a kind and bountiful hand, that has been with us, 
 and the wonderful works of God that I have witnes- 
 sed. Find that death has been removing numbers 
 of my former acquaintance, — and now 1 can go to 
 my beloved spot, where my duty was made known 
 to me — to go and sound salvation. O praise the 
 Lord for what he has shown me of his glory, and 
 taught me by his Spirit. 
 
 After a short and I trust profitable stay, we again 
 urn our course to distant climes. After a long and
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 11^ 
 
 pleasant, though fatiguing journey, we are again 
 fixed on our circuit, and truly it affects my heart, 
 and gives me a new evidence of my being in my 
 place, where the Lord would have me, to witness 
 the kindness of strangers. Our meetings are at- 
 tended with power, and signs of reformation appear 
 in every part of the circuit. I have attended a 
 number of places, and sinners lie near my heart. 
 Souls are precious, and the anxiety I feel for the 
 advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom makes me 
 forgetful of the deprivations, which surround me, 
 and the afflictions which I suffer. I make my home 
 in Berlin, at Br. Currier's, and many are the happy 
 meetings, with which the Lord has favored us 
 while here. Some souls were converted, and we 
 had some loud shouts for the redemption of some 
 precious souls, brought out of darkness into God's 
 marvellous light. The sound of battle — garments 
 rolled in blood, cause me to cry to the Prince of 
 Peace, to sway his mild sceptre and hush the nations 
 to rest. 
 
 I have been round the circuit with Mr. Newell. 
 Bless the Lord for the work of grace on this circuit ; 
 — but tleath has marked many victims. In one 
 small place, thinly inhabited, seventeen were carried 
 to their graves in less than three weeks. Out of 
 one family consisting often persons, if my memory 
 serves me, seven have died ; only three children left. 
 The house thus left stood desolate. Some grave- 
 yards looked almost like plowed fields. Ah ! Lord, 
 when thy judgments are in the earth, will the people 
 learn righteousness ? how many poor soldiers, far 
 from their friends, have been buried by strangers ; 
 and if any tears were shed over their graves, they 
 must be by strangers. Mr. Newell has been called
 
 1 16 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 to preach a number of funeral sermons to the friends, 
 who were called to the painful scene of paying this 
 respect to the memory of their friends, who died in 
 the army, and were buried at a distance. 
 
 He gave me the relation of one poor woman, who 
 heard that her husband was sick in Plattsburgh. 
 She left her little ones, and went with speed in 
 hopes to console her afflicted husband. She heard 
 nothing of him, until she opened the door of the 
 hospital, and was there informed that he was dead 
 and buried. Every one present would have gladly 
 given her some relief, but she refused every offer. 
 At length one man kindly offered to show her where 
 he was buried. She thanked him, and followed 
 him to a new burying ground, that had been opened 
 about twelve weeks, and counted three hundred 
 graves. She walked amongst them weeping, but 
 her sorrow was not full. When she came home 
 and sat down, and the children flocked round her, 
 eagerly asking, " Where is father — is he coming 
 home" — then the full cup of grief was tasted. She 
 requested Mr. N. to preach a funeral sermon to 
 her and her weeping friends, and was gratified. O 
 that the Comforter — the Spirit of grace and truth 
 may support and console the bosom of the widow 
 and orphan. His text was Job, xix. 21. "Have 
 pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends ; 
 for the hand of God hath touched me." 
 
 In Plainfield I spent a few happy weeks. One 
 dear servant of Christ was called to leave the world. 
 He was beloved by all who knew him ; yet before 
 he died, his views of his misspent time awoke in 
 his mind, and he could not rest. In the night, he 
 sent out to have his neighbors called. Many of 
 them left their beds and came to see him. He con-
 
 PANNY NEWELL. 117 
 
 fessed his little engagedness in the cause he had 
 professed — asked them to forgive him ; saying, If 
 I had been faithful to warn you, and exhort you, 
 and feel for your souls as a Christian ought, there 
 would have been reformation. He pleaded with 
 them to be faithful,and not live so cold and luke- 
 warm, as he had done. — O, my soul ! take warning 
 and make diligent improvement of each fleeting 
 moment. 
 
 " So when my moments all are fled, 
 I may with joy lay down my head." 
 
 We have memorable meetings in this place. 
 
 May. 
 
 Mr. Newell brings me intelligence that his horse 
 is stolen. At first I began to think of the loss, but 
 soon reflected on the wretched condition of the 
 thief; and said to Mr. Newell, Let us pray to God 
 for that poor man ; for if the horse should start, and 
 throw him off and kill him, he would certainly go 
 down to ruin ; and thus we lost sight of the horse, 
 in praying to God to have mercy upon the soul of 
 the poor thief. The dear people thought on us. 
 One kind brother said, I cannot sleep in my bed, 
 and know that our preacher is travelling the circuit on 
 foot to win souls to Christ, while I have a horse in 
 my possession, — take my horse and go on without 
 concern until another is provided for you. We 
 unite in prayer and Mr. Newell said with a smile, 
 Although one injures us, another is ready to do us 
 good. So he \et\ us and went on to his appoint- 
 ment, losing no time, for the want of conveyance. 
 
 The first of June we leave this circuit and move 
 on towards Conference, with our hearts much re-
 
 118 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 freshed ; for the affectionate people have supplied 
 our lack, and loaded us with benefits. O Lord I 
 reward them according to thy promise. Truly the 
 Lord is good, and I have been happily disappointed. 
 The desire of my heart is in a measure granted — 
 for souls are converted to God, and I am surrounded 
 with his goodness. 
 
 My tender feelings are again wrought up, while 
 parting with my kind and loving brethren and friends, 
 which I have found this year, and formed an agreea- 
 ble acquaintance with. We part in hopes to meet 
 again in peace, where parting shall be no more. 
 We attend a camp-meeting, and then go on, praising 
 God for his goodness, to Brookfield, where Mr. 
 Newell leaves me amongst his relations in his native 
 town, while he goes on to Conference. Here I 
 form a new circle of friends, deeply impressed on 
 my memory. O, that my visit tu this place may 
 prove a blessing. We have many pleasing and 1 
 hope profitable interviews. Mr. Newell returns. 
 We have an affectionate parting with our friends, 
 and pass through North-Brookfield, and spend 
 some time in the grave-yard, where his grand- 
 father Newell was buried. There was no ap- 
 pearance of a grave, where his body was en- 
 tombed. How short is time! Here the mossy 
 stones have given up their charge, and we cannot 
 tell who was buried beneath them. But it is no 
 matter, thought I — let my name only be written in 
 the fair book of life, it will be read by all in a coming 
 day, when these, who have been so long confined 
 to this scanty bed, shall rise and come forth — yea, 
 when all the dead come forth, small and great, to be 
 judged in the great day. 
 
 Here we spend a profitable moment, and then 
 bend our course towards Vermont again ; for Mr.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 119 
 
 Ne well's appointment is the Barnard circuit. There 
 about two years ago I was favored with such marks 
 of love and friendship, as time cannot obliterate ; 
 and now my lot is fixed amongst them for a few- 
 months more. my support and constant help, 
 preserve and keep me, as the apple of thine eye, 
 that 1 may not offend thee, but prove a blessing to 
 this endeared people. Souls are precious. 
 
 " Through tribulation deep, 
 
 The way to glory hes ; 
 This stormy course I keep 
 
 O'er these tempestuous seas ; 
 By wmds and waves I'm tost and driv'n, 
 Freighted with grace and bound to heav'n." 
 
 I go round this large circuit, witnessing the pre- 
 sence and power of God ready to heal. How is 
 my poor heart affected to see the tears and hear the 
 sighs of the penitents. Truly I can weep with 
 those that weep, and rejoice with those that rejoice. 
 I look back to Sidney and call to mind those nights 
 and days of my own sorrow, and say, now I see, 
 hear, feel, and know by experience what 1 then an- 
 ticipated in visions and contemplations, and now 
 had I a brazen mouth, an iron tongue, and adaman- 
 tine lungs, I would willingly stand on these wild 
 mountains, and sound Salvation, until all creation 
 should hear the joyful news, and fall in love with 
 my ever blessed Saviour, and join with all the bright 
 armies in heaven, to give him praises due. But 
 this is not God's method. I am reading my Bible, 
 and that tells me, that many shall run to and fro, and 
 knowledge shall increase in the earth. Well, then, 
 weak' and frail as I am, like that woman of old, I 
 will run and say, " Come, and see a man, who has
 
 120 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 told me all things that ever I did ; is not this the 
 ChnstV 
 
 I have many bodily infirmities to suffer, and many 
 severe and trying scenes to pass, but blessed be 
 God, his faithfulness never fails. He raises me up 
 friends in every place ; yea, the physicians have not 
 forgotten to be kind, and that not for money. They 
 refuse rewards of gold, saying, You are engaged in 
 a good work — we will not receive your money — 
 keep it for your good. O Lord ! let thy blood pre- 
 pare them for heaven. I have fathers and mothers 
 in this place, and our meetings are crowned with 
 newborn souls. Praise ye the Lord. Although I 
 am deprived of some public meetings, on account 
 of bodily infirmity, yet my time is spent profitably 
 to myself Of late I have thought much on death, 
 judgment, and eternity, and they appear near to me. 
 But 
 
 " 111 hope of an immortal crown, 
 I now sustain the cross ; 
 And gladly wander up and down, 
 And smile at pain or loss." 
 
 The time to part with our proved friends in this 
 place draws near, and as Paul, when he left the isle, 
 was loaded with all he had need of, so were we ; 
 and after a most interesting season of devotion, in 
 which a number of vocal prayers were fervently 
 poured out for us, and our little one, that God would 
 protect, and aid, and comfort us on our journey, we 
 tore ourselves away from them, while tears flowed 
 in abundance — but in strong hopes of meeting 
 again, where tears are seen no more. 
 
 We follow down the White River, and cross Con-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 121 
 
 inecticut River, and begin to rise the hills to the 
 East, and meet some soldiers. Mr. Newell spoke 
 to them and they wept. He found that the main 
 body were moving on to meet us, at a few miles 
 distance. We continually met some, who were 
 feeble, and suffered to go on ahead. My dear 
 friend talked to them, as he passed slowly by them, 
 and expressed how strong his desire was to pray 
 with the main body of the troops, resolving to pro- 
 pose it to the officers. So the good providence of 
 God would have it, for just as we came in sight, 
 they halted for a few moments' respite from the fa- 
 tigues of marching. When we came to them, Mr. 
 Newell saluted them in the name of the Lord, and 
 they waved the glittering spear. He expressed his 
 desire to pray with the party, which they gladl)' ac- 
 cepted ; saying, we are rejoiced to find a Minister, 
 who is willing to pray for us, and not curse us. 
 One of the officers took our horse by the bridle, 
 for he was afraid of their arms, and led us along to 
 the baggage-waggon, whilst command was given to 
 beat the drum — Not for war, was my cry ; this 
 hoarse music is now used to call you to peace and 
 heaven. The hollow square was formed. I sat in 
 the carriage which formed part of one hne, and my 
 dear husband was conducted, in a martial way, to 
 the centre, and my heart went with him, and the 
 Lord stood by him. He began by singing 
 
 " Am I a soldier of the cross, 
 A follower of the Lamb ?" &c. 
 
 He gave them a few words of address from these 
 words, " Quit yourselves like men, be bold, be 
 strong." He told them that wickedness would 
 11
 
 122 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 make them cowards in the day of death, but that 
 righteousness would make men bold in judgment. 
 When he kneeled down to pray, some of the sol- 
 diers kneeled also ; others stood erect, and, before 
 the prayer was closed, sobs and cries were hear^ 
 from every part of the circle. They melted down 
 — they wept — and many bowed down to the earth. 
 
 my soul, how far removed from the horrors of 
 war is the spirit of the gospel ! Christ hath said, I 
 came not to destroy men's lives, but to save ! 
 
 We now renew our journey, and as Ave proceed, 
 
 1 reflect. What has the Lord wrought for me. I 
 now have a son and a daughter — fair pictures of 
 health — blossoms plucked from the hand of the 
 Lord in the midst of the green hills of Vermont. 
 Can now cross rivers with my two children — speak 
 to men in the highway — and see them weep. 
 
 Once more we enjoy a pleasing interview at 
 father Newell's in Pembroke, N. H. We recount 
 the mercies of God, have some precious meetings, 
 and part again, in hopes, if we meet no more on 
 earth, to meet in heaven. We journey on to the 
 east, but find the heavy rains render travelling un- 
 pleasant. Our tight covered waggon enables us to 
 persevere : but we fear the bridges will be carried 
 away by the freshet, and so it was. For we crossed 
 Saco bridge a few fiours only before it gave way. 
 
 After travelling 40 or 50 miles out of our regular 
 course, we came to my native land once more, and 
 with a grateful heart render thanks to our kind Pre- 
 server, whose providence has been over us for 
 good. Great have been the displays of his power, 
 which I have witnessed in Vermont, in camp-meet- 
 ings and other large assemblies, where truth reached 
 the hearts of many, to the salvation of their souls.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 123 
 
 I spend a few weeks with my beloved friends, 
 and am now preparing to go to my new station, 
 which is on Pitlston circuit, Kennebec. Here also 
 the Lord raises me up many friends. I travel 
 round the circuit with my bosom friend, and find the 
 rocky shores and islands of the sea ready to wait 
 for God's law, and many of them have it written in 
 their hearts. Souls are flocking to Jesus ; but the 
 sound of guns on the Sabbath, and the alarms of 
 war, call for the supporting hand of Grace to bear 
 us up under the great and various changes, through 
 which we pass in this valley of death, where his 
 light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen 
 upon us. 
 
 In 1815 Mr. Ne well's appointment is on Bristol 
 circuit. We make Bristol our home. Truly the 
 friends of Zion are kind and hospitable people, 
 always ready to do good according to their ability. 
 All the praise belongs to God, whose grace and 
 truth has made them free. I find many friends to 
 Zion here, and they are my friends. I visit the 
 Capes and Islands with Mr. Newell, and happy 
 seasons we have, while striving together to build up 
 Immanuel's kingdom. He is God with us indeed. 
 It is in him we live, and move, and have our being. 
 
 This is a year of bodily affliction, especially the 
 autumn and winter. Death seems ready to snatch 
 me away, whilst many around me, anxious to retain 
 me with them, do all they can for my good. Once 
 1 was carried home from meeting, almost lifeless, 
 and my afflicted companion was left to close the 
 meeting alone. While the physician and several 
 loving friends were around me, one colored sister 
 in the Lord, was bathing my feet continually with 
 cold virfegar, and I observed that her tears were
 
 124 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 fast falling from her weeping eyes. I ^sked her 
 afterwards why she wept so freely on that occasion 1 
 " Why, nnadam," she replied, " I wept not so much 
 for you, for I thought you happy and near the hea- 
 venly world, but for your husband and dear little 
 children ; and I prayed to God to let me die for 
 you, for nobody would weep for me, if I died. I 
 could not bear the thought that your little children 
 should meet with such a loss." Thanks be to God 
 for that love that is stronger than death. We have 
 become inured to meeting and parting with friends, 
 so we pass on to New Durham circuit ; but I make 
 my home in Gardiner. Here may the Lord dwell 
 with me, and make my residence a place of his own 
 habitation. 
 
 " My heart thou waterest from on high; 
 O make it all a pool." 
 
 Here I find a small class of the dear friends of Zi- 
 on. that I may be a blessing to them, and they 
 to me. Add to our numbers, and add to our 
 graces. I travel once round Mr. Newell's circuit, 
 and am ready to say, What has the Lord wrought ? 
 Scores, who have professed to have found pardon- 
 ing mercy, are counted in that region. Decrepit 
 age and httle children are seen, and many of the 
 fair blooming youth are numbered amongst them. 
 
 " All glory to the dying Lamb, 
 Who brought salvation near." 
 
 July, 1817. 
 Another year is gone, and I can recount many of 
 His mercies. The little society around me is dear
 
 FANNT NEWELL. 125 
 
 to me. Our class and prayer meetings are attend- 
 ed with blessings from on high. My soul enjoys 
 sweet communion with my God, and my little fami- 
 ly. We maintain family devotion, and find a family 
 blessing. Lord, make me like Deborah of old, 
 a mother in Israel. 
 
 Again I am interrupted in my sweet retirement, 
 and settled repose ; and consent to move on to the 
 Readfield circuit, and again 
 
 "I give m}' mortal interest up, 
 And make my God my all." 
 
 The Lord is good, and forever be his name adored 
 for what he has done here on this circuit. The 
 work of God is gloriously spreading in different 
 parts of this vicinity, but especially near where I 
 reside in Readfield. Our meetings are most affect- 
 ing. Songs of joy and groans of poor deeply 
 wounded sinners, weeping for their sins, are causes 
 which make angels rejoice, and shall my soul be 
 still? Surely no. 
 
 " I'll praise him while he lends me breath, 
 And when my voice is lost in death 
 
 Praise shall employ my nobler powers." 
 
 And I find no lack of friends when reformation 
 spreads its heavenly banner. 
 
 I have travelled round this circuit, and have found 
 my soul not a little affected by what I discover of 
 the state of true religion. how many sinners re- 
 main to be converted to God or perish, and how 
 little concern for their poor souls too many of us, who 
 profess to love God, manifest before a gazing world. 
 
 I am now removed to my little habitation in 
 
 11*
 
 126 MEMOIRS or 
 
 Gardiner, where I again rejoice in a beloved re- 
 treat. Here I hope to rest with my httle family in 
 peace and tranquillity. The joy, that my dear 
 Christian friends in this place manifest at my re- 
 turn, shows how much they esteem me, and I have 
 a great regard for them. Lord, reward my bene- 
 factors. 
 
 June, 1818. 
 
 The New England Conference is at Bowman's 
 Point, in Hallowell. I contemplate to attend the 
 preaching, and my desire has been, that the Lord 
 would make the sitting of the Conference a bles- 
 sing to the people, the preachers be filled with the 
 power of the Holy Ghost, and perishing souls ex- 
 perience the salvation of God. O Lord, be with 
 the preachers in conference, give them wisdom 
 from above, that they may be directed aright in all 
 their deliberations, and every preacher's appoint- 
 ment wind up in thy glory and the best welfare of 
 souls. However trying to nature their charge may 
 be to them, go with them, O Lord, for thou only 
 knowest how hard it is to nature to be an itinerant 
 preacher. I have attended meeting, and have ex- 
 perienced a blessing. The good Spirit of the 
 Lord, like a cloud, seemed to hang over the people, 
 and drops of mercy, hke foretastes of heaven, 
 were drank up by many, while some, like David, 
 could say, my cup is full — it runs over. 
 
 Sabbath. A trying day for me, on account of a 
 new opening for preaching on St. Croix river. A 
 proposal is made by conference for a volunteer, and 
 Mr. Newell wishes to go, if I feel free to go with 
 him ; and here is a new trial. I know not what 
 will be for the best. — I am ivilling he should go,
 
 FANNV NEWELL. 127 
 
 and have a desire that he should go f but shrink 
 back from accompanying him ; for I have had such 
 a scene of sufferings that my feeble nature shrinks 
 at the prospect. I have a comfortable place to live 
 in, and my children are with me and tender ; and to 
 think of launching out again into the open world, to 
 face the storms, and plunge through mud and snow 
 in those wild regions, and to experience heat and 
 cold, I am ready to say, have me excused, I cannot 
 go. With these discouragements, I go to meeting, 
 and my love for souk increaseth ; and as the cry 
 of those destitute regions sounds louder and louder, 
 my objections give way, and I begin to feel, like 
 one of old, when he saw the miseries of a ruined 
 people, "here am I, send me." After meeting I 
 gave my companion some encouragement. 
 
 The conference rises, and Mr. NewelPs appoint- 
 ment is St. Croix, and my trials are so great, that 
 he concludes to go and leave me for a while. This 
 day he has taken leave of us, and his last prayer 
 before he started on his journey awoke all the tender 
 feehngs of my heart. I am fearful, that by not 
 going with him, I have wronged my own soul, and 
 the church of God. I now begin to feel the af- 
 flictions of my mind exceedingly heavy. O God, 
 have mercy on me ; for my heart is sore pained. 
 Cutting reflections caused my bowels of compassion 
 to move, my heart to melt, and my eyes to overflow 
 with many tears. I will now humble myself before 
 my God, and seek his perfect way. 
 
 Sabbath. — This has been a wearisome week to 
 me. I have had but little rest, day nor night, since 
 my companion left home ; for I am con\anced that 
 it was my duty to go with him, but the path seems 
 to be hedged up with briars and thorns ; yet it is the
 
 128 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 plain and the right path for me to follow. That 
 vision, which I had in Vermont on my sick bed six 
 years ago, comes fresh into my mind. What were 
 my feelings then, when my Saviour waved his hand, 
 and said to me, " Fanny, go back," and pointed my 
 course to this wilderness world ! how dreary did 
 the earth appear to me then, when in sight of that 
 celestial city, just across the fiery gulf. My feel- 
 ings are much the same now as they were then. I 
 am concerned lest I do the things I ought not to 
 do, and leave undone the things which I ought to do. 
 
 " O let thy Spirit guide my feet, 
 
 In ways of righteousness, 
 Make every path of duty straight 
 
 And plain before my face." 
 
 Keep me, O thou King of kings, under the shadow 
 of thine Almighty wing. 
 
 "So shall my walk be close with God, 
 
 Calm and serene my frame ; 
 While purer light shall mark the road, 
 
 That leads me to the Lamb." 
 
 July 6th. 
 Sabbath. — Attend meeting at Bowman's Point, 
 and after meeting heard that my companion had re- 
 turned by water from the east. My heart shrunk 
 within me, and my spirit cried out, thou, Lord, hast 
 sent him back to bring this poor dust where she 
 ought to go ; for obedience is better than sacrifice, 
 and to hearken than the fat of rams. The long 
 suffering mercy of God teacheth us daily, that he is 
 *' not willing that any should perish, but that all 
 should come to repentance.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 129 
 
 At evening I met my dear husband in peace and 
 saluted him in these words, you have come back for 
 help, have you not 1 He answered, " Woman's 
 help." These words went to my heart, and my cry 
 was. Lord how can I go ? it looks like too great a 
 work for me. David's words then came to me with 
 power ; — " The Lord teacheth my hands to war and 
 my fingers to fight, so that a bow of steel is broken 
 by my arm," — they were a great comfort to me, and 
 I could say. Lord ! I am not afraid to trust thee, but 
 my poor flesh shrinks — yet through grace 
 
 "I'll rise superior to my pain ; 
 When I am weak then I am •trong." 
 
 The thought of leaving Gardiner is painful ; for 
 the providence of God seemed to cast my lot there. 
 It was pleasant to me, and my mind became more 
 composed, and willing to cease travelling than it had 
 ever been before, since I was married. I thought, 
 here my usefulness may be as great as any where 
 else. But now all these pleasant prospects are 
 blasted, and T have a faint view that the hand of God 
 is in all this, and am conscious that his dealings with 
 me, in the days of my mourning, was to fit me for a 
 life of suffering. He does not bid me stop travelling 
 yet ; therefore I have no business with house or 
 home at present. 
 
 All thanks to God, who gives me once more so 
 clear a discovery of the beauties of Christ, and the 
 worth of souls ; with such strong desires for the 
 advancement of His kingdom among men, that it 
 now swallows up all my other prospects and 
 thoughts, and makes me willing to be a pilgrim, or 
 hermit in the wilderness, even to my dying day, if I
 
 130 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 might thereby promote the blessed cause of my 
 adorable Redeemer. My soul presents itself to 
 God, to be employed in his service, without reserve, 
 and I can say once more, 
 
 "I give m)^se]f away; 
 'Tis all that I can do." 
 
 Here I am, Lord, send me to the ends of the 
 earth — send me from all that is called good, or great 
 in this world — yea, I can say with Paul, " I am ready 
 to go to prison, or to death for thy sake ;" and now 
 I can say, 
 
 "Farewell, ray friends and earthly comforts too, 
 It is my dear Redeemer calls, and I must go" 
 
 Adieu ! adieu ! ye fading joys of time, for I am now 
 made willing t© spend my life, and my all, in the 
 service of my God. Spirit of the Lord! come 
 down and seal me ever thine — anoint me with the 
 sacred unction from above, so that whilst I go forth 
 weeping, bearing precious seed, I may come again 
 rejoicing, bringing my sheaves with me. God, 
 thou hast done great things for my soul ; whereof I 
 am glad. Oh, how humble I ought to be, for I am 
 not worthy to lie in the dust before the Majesty on 
 high ; yet I can say with raptures of delight ; 
 
 '• Oi all tho crrovsUina' kings of earth 
 
 With pity I loik.down, 
 And claim, in virtue of my birth, 
 
 A never fading crown.'''' 
 
 Juhj 16//?, 1S18. 
 Between the hours of four and five in the morn-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 131 
 
 ing, we take leave of Gardiner, glad to save our- 
 selves and friends the pain of a formal parting — go 
 on board — and sail slowly down the Kennebec to 
 Bath — dine with brother Wilkinson — return on board 
 • — and anchor for the night near the mouth of the 
 river, and we have a comfortable refreshing sleep 
 until about two o'clock, A. M. — then heave anchor, 
 and bear away for St. Croix, saihng rapidly for many 
 hours. This new method of travelling affects me. 
 
 Sabbatli morning. Instead of hearing the alarm 
 for meeting, it was, " Come, boys, weigh anchor, 
 and let us be off." With a light breeze they ran 
 just out into the open ocean, south of Cranberry Isle, 
 and there becalmed, we were tumbling on the rolling 
 waves, for about five hours. This was a trying 
 Sabbath. We were all very sea-sick, but the Lord 
 be praised, we were able to recover the harbor be- 
 fore night came on, and went on shore, and were 
 most kindly received by Samuel Hadlock's hospita- 
 ble family, who showed us every kindness in their 
 power. Although we were detained there for seve- 
 ral days, yet they would not take any reward for all 
 our board and expense. O Lord ! rem.ember them 
 for good, and bring them safe to heaven. 
 
 Mr. Newell preached to the people who flocked 
 in to hear the word of the Lord. Before the meet- 
 ing I was much tried, and went into my apartment 
 alone. I cried to the Lord, and he heard me, and 
 inclined my heart to open his word ; for there I 
 should find comfort. 1 opened that blessed book, 
 the Bible, on the 49th chapter of the Prophecy of 
 Isaiah. I read and wept — and read and wept 
 again. O thou indulgent Parent! thy goodness 
 surpasses all my thoughts ; for thou wilt
 
 132 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 " Through fire and water bring 
 
 Me to thy heav'nly place, 
 And teach my raptured soul to sing, 
 
 When perfected in grace." 
 
 My faith is too weak. O Lord, increase my faith, 
 and help me to labor for the good of this kind family, 
 who show us kindness for thy sake. how good 
 and pleasant to work for God, and the good of 
 souls. 
 
 " O may I ever walk in thee, 
 And nothing know beside ; 
 ^Nothing desire, nothing esteem, 
 But Jesus crucified." 
 
 Friday evening. Run into Little River harbor, 
 and Mr. Newell preached to the people. 
 
 Saturday. We sail along, and as I lay in my 
 cabin, I thought on the mariner. O, the goodness 
 of God in the preservation of the sailor ! How thin 
 the partition between me and a watery grave. The 
 water is continually dashing over my head, but who 
 can be afraid that has trust in God — who hath his 
 anchor, Iwpe, cast within the vale of death ? Bless 
 God, O my soul, for a lively hope in Christ, my 
 rock. — About 1 1 o'clock we arrive at Lubec. Mr. 
 Newell preaches in the evening, and again at 9 
 o'clock. 
 
 Sabbath morning. My spirit is stirred within me 
 to see the wickedness of the place. O may the 
 word spoken do good. O how dreary to see men 
 doing their own work on the Lord's day. my 
 God, have mercy upon them, and send reformation, 
 and give me patience to endure all things, as a good 
 soldier of the cross. At 11 o'clock, sailed up the
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 133 
 
 St. Croix to Plantation No. 1, and preached to the 
 people. 
 
 jyio7iday. Reached Calais, where I expect to 
 reside. The friends met us at the shore, and joy- 
 fully received us. O Lord ! bless them, and make 
 us useful, holy, persevering, and then we shall be 
 happy. We now joined in thanksgiving for preser- 
 ving mercy. 
 
 We occupy a part of brother Darling's house. 
 The people are kind, and ready to do us good accord- 
 ing to their abihty, but I see a great door open for 
 doing good, both in the church, and in the world. 
 Discipline is very needful in this place, and O, that 
 we may all be willing to bear Christ's easy yoke. 
 
 " A band of love, a threefold cord, 
 That never can be broke." 
 
 Dark clouds are round about me, but that same 
 God, who is over all blessed forever, is rich unto 
 all, that call upon him. To die in the circle of my 
 blood relations has appeared to me desirable, but 
 the providence of God is mysterious, and his ways 
 past finding out. My soul feels willing to die where 
 he sees best, even here amongst strangers. 
 
 " Fain would I rest in thee, my God, 
 Thy light and easy burden prove ; 
 The cross all stained with hallowed blood ; 
 The emblem of thy dying love." 
 
 Friday. — Accompany Mr. Newell through the 
 worst road that I ever saw to Robbinston. I was 
 afraid of the deep muddy sloughs ; but the joy with 
 which the friends received us, and the eager atten- 
 tion of the people to hear the word of life, and the 
 12
 
 134 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 appearances of reformation make me forget all the 
 difficulties of the way, and rejoice if I can but give 
 the least encouragement to any creature under heav- 
 en, to come to Christ and live. 
 
 Sabbath, August 9th. 
 
 Calais. — Solemn time to me, but my eye affects 
 my heart to see the pride of mortals. A poor dying 
 worm ! what have we to be proud of, — what ! such 
 dependant beings as we are, be proud ? we, who 
 have reason to clothe ourselves in sackcloth, and sit 
 down in the dust, and weep for our sins, lift up our 
 heads in pride 1 — Be ashamed, thou proud in heart, 
 and blush, and think that in feeding thy pride with 
 vanity, thou dishonorest God, who will ere long bring 
 down his judgments upon thy guilty head. What 
 will you do or where will you flee, when that great 
 day of his wrath shall come, when all the proud, and 
 they who do wickedly, shall be as stubble, and shall 
 be burnt up root and branch ; — no hope in this world 
 where your prospects are rooted ; and no hope that 
 will profit you in future prospects. 0- Lord, send 
 humility and meekness into my heart, and let it 
 spread all around, until we can see a greater differ- 
 ence between the professors of religion, and those 
 who make no profession. 
 
 Thursday. — Class meeting. A good affecting 
 time. I had great liberty in speaking to them, and 
 especially to my female friends, warning them 
 against pride. 
 
 Friday. — I have met the females for the first 
 time in this place, and had great liberty in speaking 
 to them. My time on earth looks short. for 
 grace rightly to discharge every duty. This is 
 truly a dreary part of Maine. — Nothing looks
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 135 
 
 pleasant here, but the dear lambs of my Redeemer. 
 There are too many sinners here for me. Nancy 
 and I retu"e to pray to God for reformation, and we 
 do not grieve, that we left Gardiner ; but we grieve 
 for sinners ; for the Lord is great and greatly to be 
 feared. 
 
 Sabbath. — After reasoning a little with flesh and 
 blood, I arose, and spake to the people, and had 
 great liberty in delivering my soul from their blood. 
 —Whatever may be said against a female speaking, 
 or praying in public, I care not ; for when I feel 
 confident, that the Lord calls me to speak, I dare 
 not refuse ; — thanks be to God for the consolation 
 it gives me, to find that God and man have a con- 
 troversy on this subject. We have on record a 
 Deborah and a Hulda, unto whom even the Elders 
 of Israel went for counsel, and the holy prophet 
 saw that, in the latter day, God would pour out his 
 Spirit upon all flesh, and sons and daughters should 
 prophesy ; I see no cause why prophesy in this text 
 does not favor the daughter equally with the son. 
 In the Acts we read of one Philip, who had four 
 daughters that did prophesy. Paul tells us of a 
 rule, which a woman " praying or prophesying" is 
 to observe. Under these considerations I can say, 
 " happy is the man, who condemneth not himself in 
 the thing that he alloweth ; for unto his own Master 
 he standeth or falleth." 
 
 Jlugust 24th. 
 Leave Calais for Robbinston and No. 3. My 
 dear children cling round me, and say, mamma, if 
 you go, we must go too. 1 have never seen the 
 time when I find duty lead me away, but my dear 
 children would be reconciled to it, when I told them,
 
 136 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 that I Avas going to exhort poor sinners, that they 
 might not go down to Hell. 
 
 The dear young woman, who was wilHng to ac- 
 company me to this place, (N. }3!^sford) flung her 
 arms around my neck, and said, pray for me, and 
 I hope you will have the presence of God, and be 
 prospered. We move on horseback slowly and 
 silently, and my meditations are most affecting, but 
 wind up in this consoling faith. Lord, thou know- 
 est that it is love to thee, that raises me above all ob- 
 structions. Mr. Newell's text at Robbinston was 
 Luke xvi. 5, " How much owest thou my Lord." 
 I arose after the sermon was closed, and exhorted 
 the people to make an immediate payment, and 
 there was a shaking among the dry bones. 
 
 Tlinrsday. We went to the funeral of a young 
 man who came to the east to get great wages and 
 make himself rich, contrary to the wishes of his 
 parents. The Lord blasted all his hopes, and 
 brought him down to the grave, in the morning of 
 his life, in the bloom of youth ; as saith Job, " in 
 prosperity the destroyer cometh upon him," — the 
 strong men bow to the relentless hand of death ; 
 but this youth was very loth to die, and when dying, 
 he called loudly for his mother. One asked him, 
 what he wanted of his mother. " O," said he, " she 
 was very averse to my coming here, and I want to 
 see her before I die." He now saw, when it was 
 too late for repentance, that it would have been 
 better to have followed the advice of a mother. It 
 is too often that children refuse to hear the counsel 
 of their father, and forsake the law of their mother, 
 to their own shame and confusion. I write this for 
 the benefit of other youth. — ! that this instance 
 of mortality might be sanctified to the great good of
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 137 
 
 this place, and of all who may hear of this loud 
 call of God, for youth as well aged to " be also 
 ready." Mr. Newell and I sang the Hymn called, 
 " A death-bed lamentation ;" 
 
 "Young people all, attention give, 
 While I address you in God's name," &c. 
 
 I never before witnessed a more solemn and in- 
 teresting funeral. There were no blood relations 
 to follow as mourners, yet this dear youth was not 
 buried without tears to bedew his memory. 
 
 Friday morning, August 28th, 
 We set out for Plantation No. 3 ; — rode about 
 two miles on horseback, — then left our horses and 
 took passage in a birch canoe, across two small 
 lakes, about six miles, where we were met by the 
 young men, who rode our horses round. We then 
 with difficulty made our way through the woods, 
 two miles to the place where the appointment was 
 made for preaching. News met us that the man of 
 the house was dying, and were asked if it was not 
 best to change the place of the meeting ; to which 
 Mr. Newell replied, No, for if he is dying, it can- 
 not injure him, and it may do him good. Through 
 much bodily fatigue I reached the place, and the 
 people had collected from all parts of the scattered 
 settlement, waiting our arrival ; but the kind woman 
 of the house soon spread her table, and invited us to 
 refresh ourselves on what she had provided. It 
 was a timely refreshing meal to me. 
 
 Whilst 1 was thinking on the distance I had come, 
 
 I said inwardly, if I had no more faith than health 
 
 and strength of body, I never should have been here. 
 
 This settlement, as we were informed, has been 
 
 made about eight years, and there never has been 
 
 12*
 
 138 MEMOtRS Of 
 
 but one sermon preached in the place before.— 
 There are about thirty famihes. I thought, truly 
 the harvest is great, and the laborers are few. We 
 are told that there are many new settlements, where 
 they have no shepherd to guide them in the way 
 that they should go. 
 
 My spirit is so stirred within me at the sight of 
 the people in destitute places, and the missionary 
 spirit takes such hold of me, that hard things look 
 easy ; and I am willing to encounter difficulties, to 
 spend and be spent in the service of God ; for 
 it is better to wear out than to rust out. O Lord, 
 keep me humble. — While Mr. Newell was preach- 
 ing, my heart was warm with the love of God, 
 which more than compensated me for all my pain 
 and fatigue of body. After sermon I arose to 
 deliver my mesage, " What came ye out for to 
 see ? a reed shaken withthe wind ?' &c. were 
 my first words ; and I had great liberty in pointing 
 them to Christ, as a strong refuge in the day of 
 trouble. Mr. N. rose and told the weeping con- 
 gregation, that if they wanted to see reformation, 
 and go to heaven, and were willing to seek the Lord 
 in his appointed way, they might encourage our 
 hearts to pray for them, and manifest their desire by 
 rising up. The whole congregation rose, and some 
 broke out in tears and loud cries. They bowed 
 like the forest when moved by a mighty wind. In 
 prayer many of them followed the example of Christ 
 in the garden of Gethsemane. They kneeled, and 
 this meeting was rendered a blessing. The man of 
 the house was healed. After the people were re- 
 tired, he rose and said he felt well, only weak, and 
 continued to gain strength, and soon was able to go 
 to his daily labor. Thanks be to God for his good-
 
 FANNY NEWtLL. 139 
 
 iiess to the sons of men. My soul was happy while 
 conversing with the weeping women, and Mr. N. 
 was employed in like service with the weeping men. 
 We have many tears for our reward this day. O 
 Saviour ! wipe their tears, and give them joy. We 
 leave the weeping people and make the best of our 
 way back to Robbinston, and here find great liberty. 
 The people appear solemn but the enemy of souls 
 appears ready to devour. Lord, save us from his 
 snares. Our meetings in this place have been 
 tender and affecting. Return home, and find all 
 in peace. The Lord has composed and comforted 
 their minds. 
 
 Sabbath. Another week has passed, and I have 
 enjoyed many happy hours in my little family. ! 
 could I feel an easy conscience — a ' thus saith the 
 Lord,' I would travel with my companion no more. 
 O may I walk humbly with my God. May thy 
 Spirit always direct my steps, and make my duty 
 plain. 
 
 September 23d. 
 
 With a melting heart I set out for No. 3, and 
 rode silently by the side of my kind husband, medi- 
 tating on the wonderful dealings of God with me. 
 How rough and thorny my path has been. I think 
 that I have seen in my short life as much of the 
 fading nature of all earthly enjoyments, as any of 
 my age. I must say that it is of the Lord's mer- 
 cies, that I live to praise him. My soul is hum- 
 bled in the dust by a remembrance of his goodness. 
 
 24f/i. — We overtook two young men, pictures of 
 want, who said they were just from Scotland, and 
 that they had been cast away^ and five of their com- 
 rades were lost, and they narrowly escaped with
 
 140 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 only the scanty garbs, which they then had on. — 
 Their s®rry looks were enough to avouch the truth 
 of what they said. Mr. Newell told them to seek 
 the Lord, and he would take care of them in a 
 stremge land. — " Indeed, Sir," said they, " he has 
 forgotten us in this country, for we have travelled 
 eighty miles, and have not had so much food as 
 would serve for one hearty meal!" My heart 
 melted at human wo ! " Why have you not called 
 on the inhabitants ? they would willingly feed you," 
 said Mr. Newell. " Sir, we had rather feel hun- 
 ger, than ask and be denied." Mr. Newell said, 
 ** call at the next house, where you see the horses 
 tied on which we ride, and 1 will beg for you." 
 " Thank you, sir, thank you, sir !" continued they 
 both, and bowed their heads. Cheered with this 
 hope of relief, they quickened their pace with more 
 lively looks. We called at brother Felt's, who 
 cheerfully spread his table for the needy. They 
 soon came to partake of the bounties of heaven 
 from the hand of benevolence. Mr. Newell ex- 
 horted them, prayed with them, and their many 
 tears witnessed their sincerity. The only thing that 
 gives me content in this to me dreary land is a hope 
 of doing good. 
 
 26ih. — Again we meet the people of No. 3, and 
 my faith increases to believe, that the Lord will 
 work wonders in this place. The people are hun- 
 gry for the word of life, and some of them distress- 
 ed for their souls, and deeply mourning for their 
 sins. We spend several days visiting from house 
 to house, through these new rough openings ; and 
 although no outward grandeur appears, yet the Di- 
 vine presence, manifest among the people, makes 
 their houses shine in my view, with that lustre,
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 141 
 
 which art could never effect, or paint produce.— 
 Our Sabbath meeting was crowned with great good. 
 The fruits thereof, I believe, will be found in eter- 
 nity. A deep interest for pure and undefiled reli- 
 gion seems to rest on every mind, old and young. 
 God is with us, and my feelings were never more 
 ardent, or my strength more firm to hold up the 
 hands of God's servant, than it is this day. " Ask 
 for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk 
 therein, and ye shall find rest to your souls ;" was 
 a passage that lay with weight on my mind. I 
 spoke with freedom to the people, the Lord helping 
 me by his grace. The dear people follow us from 
 place to place, and the sight is affecting. O may 
 the good Spirit of God, our Saviour, guide these 
 dear penitent souls in the way of life eternal. O 
 how I long to see the salvation of God go forth, 
 like the morning. 
 
 JMonday. We had a meeting on a ridge, where 
 no religious meeting had been ever holden before, 
 and a solemn melting time it was. O, my blessed 
 Lord ! thou dost encourage my soul to labor, and 
 suffer for thee. I must tell of thy goodness, for it 
 leadeth to repentance. I must warn my fellow 
 mortals to flee from the wrath to come, and exhort 
 them to bring forth fruits meet for repentance. 
 
 " O Jesu?! 1 ride on, thy kingdom is glorious, 
 
 O'er sin, death, and hell, thou wilt make us victorious." 
 
 We now set out for our next appointment, and a 
 number of the people followed us — all true peni- 
 tents seeking redemption in the blood of the Lamb. 
 We moved on, step by step, over rocks, roots, and 
 through sloughs, — getting off where I could not
 
 142 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 ride. Thus we passed from one mile to another. 
 It was very affecting to my tender heart to see them 
 weeping, as we passed along, and to hear them 
 confessing their faults to each other. We being at 
 a little distance from them, I said to my husband, 
 This gives me more joy than thousands of gold and 
 silver ; nay, if I had a gilded palace to hve in, and 
 all the rich dainties which this earth affords, it could 
 not give me such real solid joy, as this does. I am 
 happier than a queen on a throne, and I am sure 
 that they regard me more than any subjects love an 
 earthly prince, and are as ready to serve me in 
 every thing in their power, and that in love. ! 
 what seraphic joy to see penitential tears — to see 
 mourners in Zion. We call and visit some houses, 
 and find the people all tender, and glad to see us, 
 and welcome us to their habitations with joy. Our 
 hearts are filled with consolation, for there are signs 
 of abundance of rain. We dine at one of the 
 houses, and the board is perfumed with love. We 
 eat our food with gladness in the Lord. 
 
 We set out again for meeting, and are again fol- 
 lowed by an increased train of disconsolate mourn- 
 ing sinners. Some of them have been following 
 us for more than three days, and have had none of 
 the bread of life. My heart said, Lord ! send 
 not these precious souls away empty ; for 
 
 'Thy tender heart is still the same, 
 And melts at human wo." 
 
 Mr. Newell's text to-day was Matt. xi. 28. " Come 
 unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and 
 I will give you rest." This was a good, solemn, 
 melting time.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 143 
 
 After meeting I retired into another apartment, 
 weary and faint ; but I had scarcely laid my head 
 on the pillow in order to rest the poor body, before a 
 number of women came in weeping. This soon 
 roused my head from the pillow, and seemed to put 
 new vigor into my fatigued body, and my sore bones 
 were at ease, and my strained lungs felt new strength, 
 and I began to sing 
 
 "Poor mourning souls, in deep distress, 
 Making sad lamentation," &c. 
 
 As soon as I began to sing, the people crowded in 
 one after another, until the remaining part of the 
 congregation were present. Some, who were going 
 away, returned. One man especially, formerly 
 noted for profanity, came and leaned his head against 
 the door post. 1 cast a look upon him, and he 
 appeared like one condemned to death, pale, and 
 trembling, with tears pouring down his cheeks, hke 
 rain. We prayed with them again, took some re- 
 freshment, and then went to an evening meeting, 
 and the Lord was with us in power and goodness. 
 After sermon I had great liberty in freeing my mind, 
 and told them that shedding a few tears was not 
 enough to carry them to heaven ; but repentance 
 toward God, and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and 
 a faithful perseverance in well doing unto death f 
 and that the same God, who is able to convert and 
 change the heart, is able to keep the same unto his 
 second coming. I covenanted with them to pray 
 for them three times a day ; and that can hurt 
 no one. David found it good to pray, for God 
 heard, and delivered him out of his trouble, and 
 when we kneeled down in prayer, almost all present
 
 144 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 came down, humble in posture. ! may the Lord 
 make their hearts humble. My heart is filled with 
 
 joy. 
 
 Monday. Return home, and find all in peace. 
 Receive a letter from my parents, which informs me 
 of the death of one I loved in the Lord. She was 
 kind and free to help the poor, and I have no doubt 
 rests in peace. O, let me die the death of the right- 
 eous. She is gone, and I am going, and I trust 
 we shall meet in the paradise of God. TKat is a 
 true proverb, *' A friend in need is a friend indeed." 
 But hypocrisy, however winning her form, forsakes 
 us in the time of greatest need. Let me live to 
 God, and if he is my friend, although all men for- 
 sake me, he will never forsake me. Therefore 
 I put my trust under the shadow of his almighty 
 wing. 
 
 Tuesday, Visited St. David's (New-Brunswick,) 
 and a precious time it was. I do not regret my fa- 
 tigue, although the enemy tried to disturb me with 
 thoughts liive these ; Woman, you are not in the way 
 of your duly — God has never called you to go to 
 this and that place, or to speak in public — it is your 
 own enthusiastic notion, and not from God. My 
 inind replied, these thoughts are very congenial with 
 my natural feelings, for I never sought, neither did I 
 desire to be the wife of a preacherj much less an 
 exhorter. My husband preached, and much power 
 attended the word. Near the close, a few frag- 
 ments fell into my mind, and such a sense of eter- 
 nity rolled upon me, that I said, Lord ! I will 
 £^ttempt to speak once more, if thou wilt speak 
 through this poor feeble instrument to the awaken- 
 ing of some poor soul. Blessed be God for that 
 peace, that overflowed my heart. One man was
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 145 
 
 there, who was heard lo say, " I have heard preach- 
 ing in almost every clime, and men of different 
 orders and distinguished talents, but never shed 
 tears under any one's word before." O Lord, 
 make it for his everlasting good. Thanks be to God 
 for the many tears and sighs, which I have witnessed 
 in almost all congregations, which I have attended 
 round these settlements. 
 
 Sabbath. Attend meeting in Calais — some souls 
 have found peace in believing, and we will rejoice 
 that their groans are changed for songs. All glory 
 to the Lord ! 
 
 JVovember. 
 
 We visited No. 3 once more, and it is truly af- 
 fecting to see the people coming in the evening, 
 through the woods with torches, bringing their chil- 
 dren in their arms — so hungry are these destitute 
 people for the bread of life. ! that such as live 
 in villages, towns, and cities, w^ould consider this 
 thing well. A weak excuse will keep some people 
 at home on fair days ; and when it is foul weather 
 they say, I shall spoil my clothes, or soil my shoes, 
 or get a bad name, and that will mortify my pride. 
 Dr. A Clark's remark is worth treasuring up in 
 every one's mind. He saith, " a religion, that costs 
 us nothing, is to us worth nothing." We are much 
 encouraged by finding the people more settled and 
 fixed in their minds to serve God with undivided 
 hearts. They welcome us as the messengers of 
 peace, who bring glad tidings to a guilty world. 
 
 jyiondaij night. We sleep under the roof of a 
 
 log house. The wind is high, and to allay our 
 
 fears of the roof's blowing off, which shakes with 
 
 the wind, I turn my thoughts to the boisterous deep, 
 
 13
 
 146 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 and pray for the poor sailor, who may be in more 
 imminent danger than myself. Thus employed, 
 sleep soon hushed every thing to silence until morn- 
 ing. We ride through the woods and the wind 
 rises. With the wind my prayer became fervent, 
 and my faith strong, that the Lord would bring us 
 safe through the bending forest. We rode on 
 safely for some time, not speaking a word to each 
 other. Our horses would often start at the crack- 
 ing of the trees; for they were falhng on each 
 hand, and sometimes across our path, and with dif- 
 ficulty we could make our way round them. One 
 large hemlock fell across, and we could not have 
 passed it, had not the Lord ordered it to fall in such 
 a manner as to break in three pieces, and the mid- 
 dle one bounded and rolled a little round ; so that 
 we rode between the shivered ends ; our horses 
 just crowding through, and keeping our path. Then 
 w^e broke silence, and began to sing and praise the 
 Lord. This was a happy and profitable day. O ! 
 how many dar.gers the Lord has carried me through. 
 O, my soul, love and praise him more. 
 
 Returned safe home ; but my cousin, N. Sawtel, 
 is very sick, and we moved him to our house, and 
 in the fear of the Lord we take care of him, hoping 
 that the Lord will sanctify this affliction to the great 
 good of all family connections. O my God, give 
 me strength to do thy will in all things. For two 
 weeks past I have had a very sick house, but my 
 health and strength are equal to my day, and the 
 Lord knoweth what is best. Let him do what 
 seemeth to him good. The watchers have the care 
 of my sick ones, and I find it good to retire, and 
 write a little. On my knees I read the Bible, pray, 
 awd lay the case of my sick family before God,
 
 TANNY KEWELL. 147 
 
 and plead for their lives — not that they may go on 
 in sin, but turn and live to God in truth. The Lord 
 gives us friends in this place. The Lord bless 
 them, and have mercy on the slanderer, and proud 
 professor of religion, and set up his banner of love. 
 
 February. 
 Visit Eastport. Thanks be to God for the free- 
 dom of soul, with which I have delivered my mes- 
 sage from the Lord to them. I shall long remem- 
 ber our visit to this place. We pass to East bay, 
 and the Lord is with us. 
 
 "Thanks *o thy name for temporal good ; 
 My health and raiment, friends and food 
 
 Come from thy bounteous hand ; 
 Present supply from thee denpands, 
 And all my future bliss depends 
 
 On thy supreme commaad." 
 
 March 21st. 
 
 Plantalion JYo. 15. — Mr. Neweli's text was 
 Luke xiii. 7, " Cut it down, why cumbereth it the 
 ground." The Lord called on me to bear testi- 
 mony to the truth of his gospel, and I took up my 
 cross, which was unusually heavy at this time. 
 After I sat down I had awful temptations, thinking 
 that I had done hurt by speaking. But here is my 
 consolation ; the most high God is my jadge, and 
 to him I stand or fall. 
 
 23c/. — We awake early, and the first sound I 
 hear is — death. One of our last Sabbath congre- 
 gation is gone to try the realities of eternity, and 
 now knows the truth of what he heard on that day. 
 I shall not see him again, until the heavens shall be 
 no more, and the earth be moved oift her place.
 
 148 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Now I can account for my heavy cross on the last 
 Sabbath. It was the enemy of souls, that tried 
 hard to keep me from warning that young man. 
 O ! what joy and peace it gives me now to reflect, 
 that I spake to warn the people ; for one is gone to 
 eternity, and cannot be warned or instructed any 
 more. Lord ! make me a willing and obedient 
 child, so that the blood of souls, who die in their 
 sins, may not be required at my hand. 
 
 24tli. — The funeral was attended at the same 
 school-house, where the meeting was holden on the 
 Sabbath before. It was a most solemn and aJOfect- 
 ing time. Only three days before, he walked into 
 this house with as much strength, activity, health, 
 and beauty as any one of his young -friends, who 
 were then around him ; now he is brought in by the 
 strength of others, and laid stiff and cold by the 
 side of the wall ! — a loud call and warning to us all. 
 
 may the Lord make it a suitable and lasting one 
 to young and old. This young man came from 
 his native land, hoping to accumulate money, and 
 then go home and comfort his parents ; but the 
 Lord was pleased to blast all their expectations, 
 and bury all their hopes. He tarried longer than 
 they expected. His father came to see him, was 
 with him in the logging camp, and was the first that 
 laid his hand upon him after his injury. He was 
 killed instantaneously by a log rolling on him. Mr. 
 Newell's text was Luke xii. 40, " Be ye therefore 
 ready also : for the Son of man cometh at an hour 
 when ye think not." I also with a much less cross, 
 nay with an eager anxiety, arose to be a worker 
 together with God, and entreat the young to re- 
 member their Creator in the days of youth ; for 
 
 1 have tried and known the divine reality of re-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 149 
 
 ligion. — The Lord is at work amongst this people ; 
 — tears of penitence, and fruits of genuine repent- 
 ance, to us are better than gold to the miser, or 
 honor to the great. 
 
 25th. — Go through the woods, call and dine at 
 a logging camp. Never was I introduced into such 
 a scene before. No woman was there except my- 
 self; but our entertainment was dehghtful, while 
 we recounted the tender mercies of our God, and 
 spake of the reformation in the woods. Most of 
 the camps about No. 3, are spiced with prayer and 
 praise. The woods, agreeably to the word of 
 prophesy, do bud and blossom like the rose? and 
 many are made joyful in our God. Thus our 
 dreary place is transferred to the very verge of bliss 
 unbounded. — We arrive safe at No. 8 — find our 
 children and Nancy well, and the converts strong 
 in the Lord, holding regular prayer meetings, O, 
 what has the Lord wrought for this people. Prayer 
 and praise now from this place rise daily, whereas 
 but a few months ago, all was still and silent. May 
 Ihey never forget the loving kindness of our God, 
 or cease to love and serve him. Their kindness 
 to me and my little children has left indelible im- 
 pressions on my mind. May God reward them, 
 when my dust hes mouldering in the earth, and may 
 they meet us safe in Heaven, for his name and 
 mercies' sake. — ^Amen. 
 
 March 4th, 1819. 
 We visit Machias and form a most interesting 
 circle of acquaintance there, and enjoy many most 
 solemn and profitable meetings with this kind and 
 friendly people, and have the pleasure to see the 
 displays of God's power in the awakening and con- 
 13*
 
 150 xMEMOIRS OF 
 
 veF^ion of sinners. Here the Providence of Go^ 
 confined me until May, and many were the expres- 
 sions of kindness and Christian friendship which 
 were shown to me and my dear family, by all ranks 
 in society. The physicians, the churches, and the 
 common people seemed anxious to do all in their 
 power to soothe our grief, and bear us up under our 
 afflictions. — They cheerfully paid all our expenses, 
 and also loaded us with many lavors, when we 
 parted from them. O may that God, who has seen 
 with approbation their timely aid, meet all their 
 wants in this world, and bring us all to meet in 
 Heaven. I have been sick nigh unto death ; but 
 the Lord has raised me up so far, that I venture, 
 trusting alone in God for safety, to take passage by 
 water to Boston. 
 
 Went on board JVIay I9th, — Found it hard part- 
 ing with friends so much united in heart. We have 
 had a tremendous gale. Eight hours my companion 
 and Brother Dickinson stood at the pump, and aW 
 appeared doubtful — except our confidence in God, 
 I could say, 
 
 " *Twas in the watches of the night, 
 I thought upon thy power ; 
 I kept thy lovely face in sight 
 Amidst the darkest hour." 
 
 who can be afraid to trust a sovereign Lord? 
 Here I lie safe in his hand amidst the rolling waves 
 of the mighty ocean, in this dreadful storm at sea, 
 and hear the hoarse rattling of the breaking thunder, 
 and am not afraid ; for the sea shall give up the 
 dead, who lie embosomed there. 1 give myself to 
 God, and now see his wonders m the great deep. 
 
 1 prayed for a preparation for a sudden death, and
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 1 51 
 
 especially for the mariners, who I feared were un- 
 prepared to die. The Lord reward them for their 
 kind and tender services to us. Thej wept, as we 
 spake to them on the great concern, which they 
 ought to take for their soul's best good. We arrived 
 safe in Boston, and my voyage has done me good. 
 In this town God has raised me up kind friends who, 
 like the tenderest of parents, pity me in my feeble 
 state of health, and do me all the good they can. 
 O Lord, reward this labor of love. Attend the 
 New-England Conference in Lynn, and rejoice to 
 meet so many of the people of God, and find it 
 good for me to be here. 
 
 June lOth. 
 
 I left Boston and went on board a vessel bound 
 for Hallowell. 1 long to see my dear parents, 
 brothers and sisters. O my God preserve me from 
 severe sea-sickness, and remember my feeble frame. 
 Help my infirmities, and save us from the dangers 
 of the deep. O give us a prosperous voyage, and 
 bring us safe to land. 
 
 Thursdmj afternoon. It is calm, and we make 
 but little way ; but I have great reason to praise 
 God for his goodness to me. May I be preserved 
 from despair and kept in perfect peace till the Lord 
 please to call me home. I think of my dear son 
 who is far from me. merciful God help me to 
 resign my all into thy hands. I thank thee that 
 thou hast given me so many of my dear Christian 
 friends and brethren in the ministry to go this voyage 
 with me. May I make a good improvement of this 
 opportunity. 
 
 Saturday. We arrived at the mouth of Kenne- 
 bec ?iver, and anchored to wait for the tide. Yes«
 
 152 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 terdaj I had a sick time, I feel in some measure 
 thankful for my life, and the mercy that I enjoy. 
 Saturday night we arrived safe at Bath ; put up at 
 brother Wilkinson's, where we were treated with 
 unusual attention and kindness. 
 
 Sabbath. We attended meeting in the morning, 
 but in the afternoon went on board the vessel again 
 and sailed to Gardiner. 
 
 And now where shall I begin ! The Lord has 
 been better to me than my fears. Am I awake, or 
 do I dream 1 Is it possible that I live to see Ken- 
 nebec once more, after passing through so many 
 dangers ? O for a heart to praise my God. How 
 shall I express the loving kindness of God to un- 
 worthy me? 
 
 Monday. We arrived at my father's in Sidney, 
 and were welcomed by our friends. It was a joyful 
 meeting. I find my mother quite unwell, and think 
 that death may be near. My dear grandfather has 
 gone to try the realities of eternity. 
 
 Tuesday. I parted with my companion, who is 
 bound for St. Croix by water. O how safe it is to 
 trust in the Lord. 
 
 Friday. This day I have a fresh sense of the 
 goodness of God. I have been crying this three 
 days to him for relief from a distressing complaint 
 which has threatened dissolution. And thanks to 
 his name, he has regarded the low state of his hand- 
 maid ; and this day I am almost free. Jesus I 
 look to thee for all ; thou art the good Samaritan. 
 
 Saturday. I have had an opportunity of sweet 
 converse with an old friend. 
 
 Sabbath. The Lord is good and merciful to me. 
 I had a good time in family prayer. My heavenly 
 Physician is still healing my poor body. for
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 153 
 
 strength of soul to love him more, and serve him 
 better. Keep me from sinning against thee, for I 
 cannot keep myself. Remember my dear children 
 for good. 
 
 Evening. T attended meeting at the meeting 
 house near my father's in Sidney. We had a very 
 solemn time. Br. Jones preached on these words, 
 " He will beautify the meek with salvation." 
 
 Monday. My heart is affected with a sense of 
 the goodness of God. I have had a happy nioht. 
 This night will never be forgotten by me. O my 
 God, I have reason to praise thee tor all thy favors 
 to me. All is from thee. 
 
 Afternoon. I parted with my old friend B. J. 
 May the Lord go with him, and prosper him, on his 
 circuit. His health is poor. My heart is pained 
 when I see the ministers of the Gospel wearing out 
 in the work. 
 
 Tuesday. I visited my aged grandmother. She 
 is left alone. The Lord has taken away her dear 
 companion, the choice of her youth. But she has 
 this consolation, that they will not be parted long. 
 
 Wednesdaij. I feel my dependance on God. 
 I want the full enjoyment of perfect love. I feel 
 grateful for my health ; It is much better than I ex- 
 pected it would be. Jesus is my friend. O for 
 more living faith, that I may trust him for his grace. 
 He can bring me through the cloud and through the 
 sea ; yea, through the fire ; and in the midst of 
 raging lions he can preserve me. my God, thou 
 knowest my trials ! 
 
 Thursday. Mr. Newell returned sooner than 
 he expected, the vessel being wind bound in 
 Kennebec river. He will now go by land if the 
 Lord will. O that I may be resigned to thy will in
 
 154 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 all things. None but God knows the feelings of my 
 heart. 
 
 "H^w long, c'ear Saviour, O how long," &c. 
 
 Saturday. my God, how far am I from what 
 I ought to be. How little of pure and undefiled 
 religion do I enjoy. 
 
 "Come, Holy Spirit, Heavenly Dove," &,g. 
 
 Breath on me the spirit of prayer and true devotion. 
 One half hour spent in converse with thee, my best 
 friend, exceeds a thousand years in the pleasures of 
 sin. 
 
 Sabbath. I attended meeting, and heard Mr. 
 Newell preach a sermon on the death of my grand- 
 father on these words, " This day shalt thou be with 
 me in paradise." It was a solemn time. 
 
 " And must this body fail," &c. 
 
 JVTondaij. I parted with my husband, and a good 
 parting it was. We commended each other to 
 God. I have passed a solemn day ; and now while 
 I write, upon my knees, I feel exceeding solemn. 
 I can now hear the voice of God in the rumbling 
 thunder, and see his power in the vivid flashes of 
 lightning, by which some of my fellow creatures 
 have lately been destroyed. 
 
 Wednesday. This afternoon my mind has been 
 very solemn, and the thoughts of death occupy my 
 mind. I feel for my dear kindred who are yet in 
 their sins. My children, though yet but babes, lie 
 near my heart. My little son is more than a hun-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 155 
 
 dred miles from me, but I often think of him. He 
 is a remarkable child. 
 
 Thursday. This also is a solemn day. The 
 thoughts of death and judgment have rested on my 
 mind. Thy years, O Lord, are one eternal now, and 
 must thy children die so soon ! O prepare my soul 
 for death. 
 
 Saturday. Our quarterly meeting begins to-day. 
 O may we have a good season in waiting on the 
 Lord. Lord, help me to fix my mind on thee. 
 Brother Hutchinson preached this afternoon on 
 Psalm cxxviii. And it was a blessed season to my 
 soul. 
 
 July 5th. 
 
 I went to Fairfield to see my sister Atwell ; found 
 her comfortable. Thanks be to God for his un- 
 speakable goodness to us in permitting us to meet 
 again. may I so live as never to come into con- 
 demnation. 
 
 7th. I returned home and found my father quite 
 unwell. What awaits me I know not. O God, 
 have mercy on my soul, and save me from sin. 
 
 Thursday. My mind is very stupid. I know 
 not what to think of myself — I thought I was re- 
 signed to the will of God in life or death ; but some- 
 times life looks desirable. My health is continued 
 at present, but I know not what a day may bring 
 forth — In one moment I may be hurried into eter- 
 nity. 
 
 Saturday. I am quite unwell in body, and some- 
 what distressed in mind, by evil suggestions and 
 disagreeable thoughts. The Lord knows I desire 
 to seo've him, and save my soul. 
 
 Sabbath. I am some better. Attended meeting.
 
 156 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 O for that love described in the xiii. Chap, of 1 Cor. 
 
 Lord, thou hast done great things for my soul, but 
 
 1 have been too negligent in duty. O grant me par- 
 don, and give me grace for time to come. 
 
 JMonday. This is a memorable day. It gives 
 me fresh tokens of God's goodrtess. O give him 
 glory all ye hosts above. I enjoy the presence of 
 God. 
 
 My soul is happy — a memorable season for some 
 days past. Tribulation is the common lot of all, 
 and I have my share ; but why should I complain. 
 The Lord knows, in the midst of the most extreme 
 ones, my desire is to serve him, and live free from 
 condemnation. O, for that love that beareth all 
 things, beheveth all things, hopeth all things, yea, 
 that perfect love that casteth out fear. My son has 
 been safely returned to me, and we rejoice to see 
 our children again enjoy the privilege of parental 
 care. 
 
 Fehniarij, 1S20. 
 I commence an agreeable acquaintance in Hal- 
 lowell, and from house to house, in the time of 
 reformation, I feel the same divine Spirit move my 
 heart in earnest longings, and fervent desires for 
 sinners here, as I did in Vermont, or round the rocky 
 shores, or dreary wilderness ; and am ready to say, 
 how can I bear to have this people, so highly favor- 
 ed of the Lord, go down to ruin. Their soft carpets, 
 rich furniture, and stately dwellings can no more 
 bribe death, or fit them for heaven, than the log huts, 
 and coarse fare of the most destitute regions. I 
 said to the poor, ye may have salvation through 
 Christ, my Lord ; and I say with an affectionate 
 heart to these, ye must be born again or sink to that
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 157 
 
 ruin, where it will be no consolation to reflect, that 
 in yonder world you lived delicately. The poor 
 have wept whilst I have been expostulating with 
 them, and tears have been my consolation here. 
 Glory to God for what my eyes have seen, my ears 
 have heard, in this place. Converts have been mul- 
 tiplied in these streets, and my heart does rejoice 
 at what the Lord has been doing around in my na- 
 tive land. 
 
 Sidney. In hope of doing a little good, I take a 
 Sabbath school in this place. O Lord, give me 
 wisdom to direct in all things aright, to lead these 
 children in the good and right way, and be blessed 
 in this undertaking ; for it is a love for the souls of 
 these children, that makes me willing to engage. 
 
 Sabhalh. Have some encouragement. The 
 children are attentive to my instructions, and some 
 tears were shed by them. My faith is strong, that 
 if our words proceed from a feeling heart, and drop 
 warm from our lips, their hearts will feel them in a 
 greater or less degree. Attended public worship, 
 and the great / AJM has enabled me to discharge 
 my duty once more. The Lord is reviving his 
 work amongst us. At a late hour my uncle came 
 to my father's praising the Lord with a loud voice, 
 as he passed along in the highway. His words 
 were, 
 
 " O, for such love, let rocks and hills 
 Their lasting silence break ; 
 And all harmonious human tongues 
 Their Saviour's praises speak." 
 
 This was a memorable season. Every heart was 
 melted, and my soul was full of glory. This is the 
 beginning of good days. 
 14
 
 158 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Saturday. I have such distress for souls, who 
 are in a perishing condition, that my heart is pained. 
 O thou blessed Saviour, who didst groan beneath 
 the weight of all our sins, I do not wonder that 
 thou didst sweat great drops of blood, and pray in 
 an agony. 
 
 Our class meetings are seasons of refreshing from 
 the Lord. 
 
 Last night I sat up with an infant child, danger- 
 ously sick. As my eyes glanced upon the child, I 
 saw death approaching, and my mind was instantly 
 caught up to the heavenly world. My thoughts 
 were, sweet babe, although pale and sickly you lie, 
 yet thou art blooming for bright glory. Soon thy 
 suffering time will be over, and thou wilt be an 
 inhabitant of Heaven ; and my soul transported 
 with joy, said, gladly would I suffer thy pain, dear 
 child, and die to be with Jesus. The night was a 
 happy and profitable one to me. This morning, 
 parting with the child but just alive, I said, farewell, 
 sweet babe, until we meet, where parting is no more. 
 
 My dear husband is come to carry me to his cir- 
 cuit. The young converts in Sidney twine about 
 my heart, and it is hard parting with them ; but duty 
 calls me to go. heavenly Father let me see re- 
 formation where I am going, and keep the tender 
 lambs here also. O, may they stand fast in the lib- 
 erty of the gospel. I make my home in Thomaston, 
 and the Lord has raised me up many most affectionate 
 friends and brethren in this place. Here also tears 
 and songs spice the regions with perfumes, which 
 make the place extremely pleasant to me. Truly, 
 thou. Lord, makest a fruitful field a barren wilder- 
 ness, and a barren wilderness a fruitful field. My 
 soul has been enlarged with celestial visions, while
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 159 
 
 dwelling under brother Partridge's peaceful roof. I 
 admire the dealings of God with me, and clearly 
 discover, that it is as really necessary to have a sight 
 of my poverty, as to have visions of heaven. My 
 poor body is sinking under consumptive pains ; — 
 death may soon prey on this mortal body ; but my 
 noble spirit, through the merits and mercy of my 
 Saviour, shall boast her victory over death, hell, and 
 the grave. 
 
 Thursday. This is a day of public thanksgiving 
 and prayer, appointed by our rulers, for the good of 
 the community. I most heartily keep it to the Lord, 
 and pray to Almighty God for a blessing on our 
 Nation, and on the church of God ; and thank him 
 for every favor, but especially the gift of his Son, 
 and the joys of religion, with which I have been, 
 and still am comforted. 
 
 January, 1822. 
 
 Have had a solemn meeting in Knox. Death 
 has visited this place, and removed two of late. 
 may the people take warning, and prepare for a 
 sudden, or lingering death. 
 
 * * * Many months have rolled away, since I 
 have been able to put pen to paper. My poor body 
 has sunk to death's door. All my kind and atten- 
 tive physicians and friends 4iave reluctantly given 
 me up to die. The Lord rev.ard them for their at- 
 tention to me. 
 
 JMonday morning. I awoke with a rap at my 
 door, and a voice saluted my ears with " Dilana is 
 dead !" O how mysterious are the ways of Provi- 
 dence. My soul is filled with wonder and awe. I, 
 who have been sick all summer, am able to go and 
 administer to my neighbors in this hour of affliction.
 
 160 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 All, who saw me in my sickness, thought that death 
 had marked me for his next victim. Yes, I thought 
 death waited at the door, for God to seal his war- 
 rant, and say " Enter and do thy office ;" but God 
 has not suffered him to enter yet. He has passed 
 across the street, and plucked a blooming flower. 
 This is the order of God. His ways are not as our 
 ways. 
 
 " Behind a frowning pro-vidence, 
 He hides his smiling face." 
 
 my soul, be thou humbled in the dust ! 0, that 
 this providence of God may be sanctified to all, 
 especially to the youth of this place. my soul, 
 praise God for the work he has done. 1 was hum- 
 bled under the mighty handof God ; and he has raised 
 me up. My soul is resting upon him ; my strength 
 is renewed day by day. O Lord, direct me in all 
 things ! 
 
 Saturday, This day closes the week and 
 month. 
 
 " My days, and weeks, and months, and years, 
 Fly rapid, like the whirling spheres 
 
 Around the steady pole : 
 Time, like the tide, thy motion keep. 
 Till 1 shall launch the boundless deep, 
 
 Where endless ages roll." 
 
 1 am troubled in mind, for fear that I have not dis- 
 charged all my duties, acceptably to my Maker. 
 God, forgive me whatever I have spoken, thought, 
 and acted amiss ! O Holy Spirit ! visit a repenting 
 sinner. This day, my husband leaves us once 
 more, to go to his circuit. O God ! it is love to
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 161 
 
 thee and thy cause, that makes him wiUing to leave 
 his family, and turn his back on all domestic enjoy- 
 ment, and cheerfully say, " Peace be with thee, my 
 dear wife ; take encouragement to continue to in- 
 struct the children. God will be with you, all the 
 while 1 labor to win souls to Christ the Lord." I 
 said. Go, my husband ; it is meet, that you should 
 go, and labor in the gospel field ; for other souls are 
 as precious as mine. I will thank God, that I can 
 share in your faithful labors, from time to time. If 
 the Lord give me strength, I will go with you, and 
 hold up your hands, and join to preach the accepta- 
 \)\e year of the Lord to perishing sinners, and the 
 day of vengeance to the finally impenitent. 
 
 Saturday. I have just heard, that my youngest 
 gister is sick. Lord, sanctify it for her great 
 good ! 
 
 Sabbath. I have been once more to the house 
 of God, and am a daily wonder to myself. The 
 love of God to me is amazing. But, 
 
 " Thy gifts, alas ! cannot suffice, 
 Unless thyself be given." 
 
 Thursday. It is good to read the Bible, and 
 write in my diary. O God, sanctify me wholly to 
 thyself, and prepare me for thy service ; for thou 
 hast raised me from the grave's mouth ; and is it 
 not, Lord, that I may show forth thy praise? 
 Then, give me a mouth and wisdom, that all my 
 adversaries shall not be able to gainsay, or resist. 
 
 Sabbath. I cannot go to the house of God to- 
 day. It is a delightful place to me. I have not 
 frequented the place of worship so often, this year, 
 as usual ; not because I would not, but because I 
 14*
 
 162 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 could not. But the love of God to me is unspeaka- 
 ble. My health is now such, that I attend to my 
 little family, and administer to their wants, in a 
 measure. This is the Lord's doing ; and it is mar- 
 vellous in our eyes. Thanks to thy name, for these 
 blessings ; but glory, honor, praise, and thanksgiv- 
 ing, be given to God, for the unspeakable gift of his 
 great salvation ; light of Israel, and glory of the 
 world ! 
 
 December 3, 1822. 
 This day is set apart for a day of public thanks- 
 giving and prayer. If any soul, under the whole 
 heaven of the Lord, has reason to give thanks, and 
 pray, it is I. Yes ! unworthy I, on whom he hath^ 
 by the power of his grace, wrought wonders. Spi- 
 rit of the Lord ! descend and help me to give 
 thanks, and perform my vows to thee ; for thou art 
 worthy to receive glory and honor, praise and 
 thanksgiving, from all intelligences in heaven and i.u 
 earth. 
 
 "The praying spirit ffive ; 
 The watchful power impart ; 
 From all entanglements beneath 
 Call off my peaceful heart. 
 Suffer'd no more to rove 
 O'er all the earth abroad, 
 An-est the prisoner of thy love, 
 And shut me up in God." 
 
 Thursday. Arrived home safe and happy, and 
 said to my husband. Faith keeps the dying saint 
 alive. 
 
 April 18, 1823. 
 
 My heart has been much consoled in reading Df. 
 Clark's comment on Gen. xiii. " One house, one
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 163 
 
 day's food, one suit of raiment, says the Arabic 
 proverb, is sufficient for thee ; and if thou die at 
 noon, thou hast one half too much." Again, chap. 
 XV. " I am thy shield and thy exceeding great re- 
 ward." " Nothing," says Calmet, " proves more 
 invincibly to the soul, the truth of religion and the 
 certainty of another hfe, than to see that the righteous 
 seldom receive the reward of their virtues, and that 
 in temporal things, they are less happy than the 
 workers of iniquity." God, make me wise to 
 know my day of grace, for there is no want to them 
 who fear thee. 
 
 May 2d. 
 
 I visit Gardiner. My side is worse. It is with 
 difficulty that I keep my bed all night. My fears 
 are excited. Lord, prepare me for a sudden, or 
 a lingering death. 
 
 Saturday. My complaints increase ; I begin to 
 raise some blood. The Lord knows what he is 
 about to do with me. If he sees fit to remove me 
 by a lingering consumption — Amen, my Lord, thy 
 will be done. 
 
 " O let me live thy blood to show, 
 Which purges every stain ; 
 And gladly linger out below, 
 A few more years in pain." 
 
 Sabbath. We return to my sister's from meeting, 
 and find the name of the Lord a strong tower. 
 Therein my soul is safe, whatever becomes of my 
 poor body. Lord, I make a fresh dedication of 
 myself to thee. Seal me thine forever. 
 
 May 9th. 
 Feeble in body ; like the woman Avho had spent
 
 164 MEJklOIRS OP 
 
 all her living upon physicians, and^was nothing heU 
 ter, but rather worse. All my physicians have been 
 favorable in their charges — niost of them have done 
 all they could freely — voluntarily — I trust for the 
 sake of Him, whom I serve ; and they have my 
 grateful acknowledgments and prayers. Moreover 
 God will reward them> and every man according to 
 their works. 
 
 Odobei' IQtJh 182a. 
 I have not been able to write for some months ;; 
 but this day am able to take my pen and subscribe 
 with my hand that God is good. My afflictions 
 have been great — tempted, but not in despair — cast 
 down, but not forsaken ; for the Lord is my helper — 
 he hears my prayer ; 
 
 " And my best wishes to fulfil, 
 His grace is ever nigh." 
 
 Again I have strength to write a little, and feel 
 thankfulness, which I have no words to express ; 
 for although I am wading through deep waters of 
 affliction, I can say, 
 
 "In Jesus I believe, and shall 
 Believe myself to heaven." 
 
 For thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 
 
 " Through fire and water bring 
 Me to that heav'nly place, 
 And teach me the new song to sing, 
 When perfected in grace." 
 
 In the world I have tribulation ; but thanksgiving
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 165 
 
 and praise be given to my adorable Lord, that he 
 condescends to comfort me with his lovely promis- 
 es. Were it not so, I of all other creatures should 
 be most miserable ; but the Comforter is come. 
 Hallelujah ! Hallelujah to the Lamb. 
 
 Tuesdmj. — My mind has been troubled about the 
 things of this life. I am in a strait. how good 
 my Benefactor is to me ! My heart is lifted to 
 God, and he helps me ; but 1 want more faith, for 
 it seems to me as if all the powers of darkness 
 were combined against me ; yet with the poet I can 
 say, 
 
 "Let devils rage or hell assail, 
 I'll fight my passage through ; 
 Though foes unite or friends desert, 
 I'll seize the crown in view." 
 
 My bodily health is such, that I know not which way 
 it will terminate. But God, who has been my sup- 
 port so long, will, I trust, bring my soul at last into 
 the mansions of rest. The Lord has called me 
 through tribulation's path, and it is what my soul 
 expected when I entered the vineyard of the Lord, 
 and have followed with a humble and careful hand, 
 as a gleaner in the Lord's harvest. 
 
 Wednesday. — A most solemn scene has passed 
 before my eyes. One of my fellow-mortals is car- 
 ried by my dwelling a lifeless corpse. One after 
 another is called, and yet I linger upon these mortal 
 shores. Thou, Lord, liftest up, and castest down. 
 Thou hast heard prayer for me, and raised me up 
 again and again to the astonishment of all around. 
 Thou dost continue thy goodness to me, who am 
 poor and needy.
 
 166 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Sabbath. — It is now eleven years since 1 gave 
 my hand to a Methodist preacher, in hopes to help 
 and not hinder him in the great work of the minis- 
 try ; and but a poor help-meet, in my opinion, even 
 to what I might have been. Poor health, feeble 
 constitution, and two children, with many domestic 
 affairs, often serve as excuses for my not laboring 
 among the people. All thanks to God that I am 
 what I am. Israel drank water from the rock in 
 the wilderness ; and in the midst of hard trials, I 
 often drink streams of consolation, and can say, 
 the Lord does all things well. There is nothing too 
 hard for the Almighty. He can open a passage 
 through the deep. Thou hast said. When ye have 
 done all that I have commanded you, say, we are 
 unprofil,able servants. 
 
 I expect to enjoy the unspeakable privilege of 
 remaining with my children during the inclement 
 season and bad roads, which prevent my travelling 
 with my husband. Some say to me, Why do you 
 travel so much, and as you say sacrifice your ten- 
 der feelings, and encounter many hardships, and 
 wade through many trials? 1 waive a direct answer 
 and say, when you and I stand before the judgment 
 seat of Christ, to be judged according to the deeds 
 done in the body, whether they be good or bad, I 
 shall be better prepared to answer your question. 
 Hitherto God has led me by a way I knew not in 
 safety ; and I will listen to his voice, and trust in 
 him still, though I pass through evil report as well 
 as good. 
 
 Sabbath eve. — Prayer meeting in the house where 
 I reside. And what glory filled my soul, while 
 standing in the crowded congregation, and again 
 tried to speak for God, and persuade my fellow
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 167 
 
 mortals to serve God, and have respect to all the 
 commandments. Lord, let thy Spirit which 
 bade me speak, set it home upon their hearts with 
 power. 
 
 I retire to my chamber to rest the poor body, and 
 give thanks to God for his divine power, which did, 
 and still does, rest on poor me. While reading the 
 2d Kings, chap. xx. I cried out. Wilt thou remem- 
 ber me 1 My soul was humbled within me. Yet 
 I could say, 
 
 " If such a worm as I can spread 
 
 The common Saviour's name ; 
 Let him who rais'd me from the dead 
 
 Gtuicken my mortal frame." 
 
 Monday. — I visited an old lady ninety-eight 
 years old ; her appearance was that of one ripe tor 
 heaven, and while conversing with her, I almost 
 longed to be in her state ; or at least as near hea- 
 ven. I may be nearer death than even this age J 
 pilgrim. It was a profitable season while we lifted 
 the joint cry to God to prepare us for that important 
 hour : to meet God in death and judgment. that 
 I may know my place in the church, and discharge 
 my duty with propriety. Thy gifts to me are great. 
 But alas ! 
 
 " Thy gifts cannot suffice, 
 Unless thyself be given." 
 
 Wednesday. — We have been to a female prayer 
 meeting among the C. Baptists, and find that God 
 is the same God over all. O that we may all know 
 what it is to love God with, all the heart, and our 
 neighbor as ourselves.
 
 168 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Thursday. — I visited from house to house, and 
 find it good and profitable to my own soul. In the 
 evening attended a prayer meeting, and was led to 
 speak on these words ; " Not all who say unto me, 
 Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, 
 but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in 
 heaven. 
 
 Friday. — I preached to my children from these 
 words ; " Ye are of your father the devil, and the 
 works of your father ye will do." I had but two 
 hearers, and they very young. I gave them a plain 
 description of the works of the devil, and his chil- 
 dren, and then of the works of God and his chil- 
 dren ; and the effects of righteousness, quietness, 
 peace and assurance for ever. I then inquired of 
 them, Are you engaged in the work of the Lord, or 
 the work of the enemy ? They could neither of 
 them answer me for sighs and tears. I then said, 
 You could not bear the thought of praying to the 
 devil, and calling him father, could you? They 
 both replied, no ; as if terrified at the bare thought. 
 I then proceeded as the Spirit gave me utterance ; 
 and a most affecting season we had. — We prayed 
 together and retired to rest. Lord, keep my 
 children from the evils that are in the world. 
 
 Sabbath. — I went up to the house of God in com- 
 pany with my children, and returned to my home in 
 peace. Retired to my chamber to plead for a bles- 
 sing to rest on those who may assemble for prayer. 
 Lett my chamber under such a view of my own 
 imperfections, that my soul was humbled within 
 me ; and I cried. Why am I called to stand, my 
 God, and warn poor sinners in thy name ? Ah, 
 why me 1 And yet I feel that wo is me, if I speak 
 not to the people. This evening I was led to speak
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 169 
 
 on the woman who touched the border of Christ's 
 garment. There may I ever rest ; for I am sorry, 
 and repent, for every misspent moment — I cannot 
 he down in peace, unless I feel thy pardoning love. 
 Come, O my Lord, and come quickly ; forgive all 
 my short-comings, and guide me in the right way, 
 for I can do nothing without thee. 
 
 Sabbath, JVov. 3. — One of our fellow clay was 
 conveyed this day to the house appointed for all the 
 living — O may we all lay it suitably to heart. 
 
 In the evening we had a prayer meeting, and 
 these words lay with weight on my mind ; " Let 
 your loins be girt about with truth, and your lamps 
 burning." And I was enabled to clear my skirt of 
 the blood of souls. Glory to God for his divine 
 assistance. 
 
 Wednesday. — I am again troubled about speak- 
 ing in public. I retired to my chamber and opened 
 my Bible, and read John xv. with much consola- 
 tion. I now have strength to take hold on the pre- 
 cious promises of God, and make a fresh dedication 
 of all I have and am to Him forever. If sinners 
 can only be converted to God, let Him choose the 
 instrument. For several days disease has pressed 
 me hard, yet my mind has been profitably exercised 
 on death and judgment. Lord, prepare me for 
 that great day when I must stand before thee. 
 
 Dec. 3. — Quite unwell in body, but calm, serene, 
 and quiet in mind. Truly, labor is rest, and pain is 
 sweet, if God be with us there. I do desire to have 
 THEE all my own. I am weak, but thou art strong. 
 
 O heal and restore this shattered frame which 
 has been torn by disease time after time, and thrice 
 been brought to the borders of the grave. Lord, 
 15
 
 170 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 " All my days are thy due, 
 Be they many or few; 
 And they all are devoted to thee." 
 
 December 4th. 
 
 Great bodily sufferings, but the goodness of 
 God to me. I compare myself to a bird tied to the 
 earth, my mind rises on contemplation's wing to the 
 heavenly world, but the body like a string ties me 
 like the bird to the earth while I flutter to be gone ! 
 Nevertheless, resignation composes my mind to 
 suffer as long as my Heavenly Father sees best. 
 
 I have been kept on earth ten years longer than 
 I had expected. Ten years ago this memorable 
 day, Dec. 4, 1821, my Ebeitezer was set up. 
 
 Hitherto the Lord has helped me. That was 
 the month and the year when the Lord took me up 
 to the third heavens ! Yea, he gave me a fresh com- 
 mission to go and call sinners to repentance ; and 
 still I have increasing desires to win souls to Christ. 
 
 The Lord is good ; he has raised me up from the 
 shades of death, to testify of his goodness and praise 
 his holy name. Ah ! Why — 
 
 "Why my cold heart art thou not lost, 
 In wonder love and praise?" 
 
 I am jealous of myself; I fear the work of grace 
 is not sufficiently deep in my poor heart. thou 
 whose nature and whose name is love, 
 
 " Let all I am in thee be lost, 
 But give thyself to me." 
 
 " Grant this, and then from all below, 
 
 Insensibly remove ; 
 My soul her change shall scarcely know, 
 
 Made perfect first in love*"
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 171 
 
 February J 1822. 
 
 I am constrained to leave the circuit, on account 
 of the low state of my health, and retire to my fa- 
 ther's house in Sidney, Maine. 
 
 Sabbath. — I was able to go to the chapel and with 
 the people of God in my native town. 
 
 I am a daily wonder to myself. — O Lord thy love 
 my soul amazes. Some months have passed since 
 I have visited the house of public worship ; yet the 
 Lord has blessed me while in reading, meditation, 
 prayer, and teaching my children, when able to per- 
 form even these private, and most delightful duties. 
 For my poor body has sunk to death's door. Yet 
 I can say, 
 
 "Give joy or grief, give ease or pain, 
 Take life or friends away ; 
 But let me find them all again, 
 la that eternal day." 
 
 In my Father's house are many mansions. John 
 xiv. 2. 
 
 December 5th, 
 Yesterday was a very sick and painful day to me. 
 O how many have been added to my short life. 
 Sometimes, in the hours of darkest temptation, like 
 Job, I have been ready to say, " they are greater 
 than I can bear ;" but then again consolations come 
 from the blessed promises of God, such as this ; 
 " Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the 
 Lord delivers him out of them all." That memora- 
 ble day (December 4, in Yermont) has rolled round 
 twelve times, and I am looking to the great Jehovah 
 for help. O, what is the Lord about to do with my 
 poor, weak and sick body ? Ah ! this need not con- 
 cern me. Although the Lord has given me to drink
 
 172 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 deep in his mixed cup ; yet he will save me from 
 the dregs thereof, which the wicked wring out and 
 drink up. 
 
 Sabbath eve, 7, The people assembled for a 
 prayer-meeting. This was a reviving time to me. 
 Once more, I am blessed with hearing the cries of 
 mourning penitent sinners. O Lord, bless them 
 with peace ! My soul is glad with exceeding joy. 
 
 For my accommodation, prayer-meetings are 
 holden here ; and the young converts speak freely 
 of what the Lord has done for their souls. Bless 
 the Lord, my soul, for what he has done, in mul- 
 tiplying converts in this place. But, 0, the sore 
 temptations, with which the enemy pursues me, 
 from time to time ! Lord, arise and stand up for 
 my help ; plead my cause against mine enemies, 
 that they may be driven back and confounded ! 
 
 "The waves of trouble, how they roll ! 
 How loud the tempest roars! 
 But death shall land the humble soul 
 Safe on the heavenly shores." 
 
 Dec. 8, 1S23. \_the last date she ever made.'] 
 
 " Lord, I am sick ; my sickness cure ! 
 I want ; do thou enrich the poor ! 
 Under thy misrhty hand I stoop ; 
 O, lift thine abject handmaid up !" 
 
 0, most merciful God ! suffer me 
 
 "Never to murmur at thy stay, 
 Or wish my sufferings less !" 
 
 And thou hast heard my prayer, Lord, and grant-
 
 J'ANNy NEWELL. l73 
 
 ed me my request. Therefore, I am encouraged 
 to pray and praise, as long as I have breath. Yes, 
 and after death, the pleasing theme, in distant 
 worlds, renew. 
 
 How sweet is thy word to me, this morning, 
 Lord ! How sweet is one moment's ease from pain 
 of body ! but O, how much sweeter a moment's 
 release and rest from fiery trials, that are sent of 
 God, to try us, as gold is tried in the fire ! The 
 Lord does all things well ; and praise be given to his 
 ' name ! 0, come, and let us praise him ; for he * 
 * * * [Here, her strength failed ; and she 
 could not finish the sentence, or ever write again. 
 Her writing is done. She lingered until April 17th, 
 1824; and then, without a sigh or groan, sweetly 
 fell asleep in the bosom of her God.] 
 
 THE CHRISTIAN'S FAREWELL. 
 
 "Farewell, old Time: eic thou bast reach'd the morn 
 Thy sun shall s;ild his wings in Capricorn ; 
 Life's narrow frith I shall be wafted o'er. 
 And cast my anchor on the eternal shore,. 
 Where all is dateless, endless, infinite, ^. 
 And being has no measure but delight ! •'\ 
 Farewell thou sun, and yon bright planets, all 
 That roll in silent beauty ronnd the ball ; 
 I go, I go, to that celestial sphere, 
 Where Jesus shines through one eternal year ! 
 Farewell, thou eovtb, and all that earth contains, 
 Thy graceful hills, green meadows, flowers and plains, 
 I leave thy wave-worn shores without a sigh, 
 A father's mansion house, a master's joy — 
 Invite me home ; I unreluctant go 
 Where pleasure never wears a fringe of wo ! 
 15*
 
 174 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Farewell to gold and silver, — wealth, adieu j 
 
 You fly from others, but I fly from you. 
 
 Farewell to honor, I'm enroll'd above, 
 
 My plume, my crest, is Love, Redeeming Love; 
 
 By his dear hand that bled, I read my name, 
 
 Wrote 'mong the living in Jerusalem. 
 
 Farewell to pleasure, vanities, and lies, 
 
 I go to drink a River in the skies. 
 
 Whose banks are with immortal verdure clad, 
 
 Whose streams make all Jehovah's City glad. 
 
 Farewell to houses, gardens, orchards, lands, 
 
 I have an house above not made with hands, 
 
 A spotless mansion, built of precious stone, 
 
 A crown of living light, a jasper one. 
 
 Farewell to knowledge, first of earthly things, 
 
 I go to drink it where the fountain springs ; 
 
 Clear from its source, pellucid and refined, 
 
 The dregs of muddy error left behind. 
 
 Farewell to Death ! I shall forever bloom 
 
 In youth's fresh loveliness beyond the tomb. 
 
 Farewell to sickness, all the aches and pains, 
 
 That crowd my vitals and consume the reins ; 
 
 No hectic flush shall on my cheeks disclose 
 
 The transient blushes of the dying rose ; 
 
 This aching, burning head, shall throb no more, 
 
 And these sharp stitches in my side be o'er ; 
 
 Farewell to friends, I leave the social ring, 
 
 And fly to Eden on a Seraph's wing; 
 
 I soon shall join the ranks of the first-born, 
 
 Whom robes of light and crowns of life adorn. 
 
 Farewell thou fairest of my joys on Earth, 
 
 The Church of God, the place of second birth. 
 
 Of second Ufe, and nameless comforts too ; 
 
 More dear than gold, more sweet than vernal dew 
 
 Have been thy verdant pastures to my soul. 
 
 Where flowers appear and streams of pleasure roll. 
 
 I go to see the Saints in beauty bright. 
 
 The Saints embower'd in love, enshrin'd in light. 
 
 I go to see the Lamb upon the throne, 
 
 And that dear land, the beatific zone ; 
 
 That land of sweet delight, of calm repose, 
 
 Of Gilead's balm, of Sharon's fragrant rose ; 
 
 There ceaseless bliss, and sun-bright knowledge reigns j
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 175 
 
 No fiends to vex me, and no sin to stain, 
 
 But friendship form'd by love,— O, Angel powers,— 
 
 Receive a weary pilgrim to your bovvers ! 
 
 Ol let me listen to your golden lyres. 
 
 And burn, like you, in love's seraphic fires ; 
 
 Adore the Lamb, in each soul thrilling chant. 
 
 Your ardor feel, and still for greater pant, — 
 
 The weakest, meanest, poorest sinner take 
 
 To your sweet fellowship, for Jesus' sake ! 
 
 Farewell my dearest children, — fare you well ; — • 
 
 What pangs I feel, to leave you, none can tell; 
 
 But I have drunk the bitter parting cup, 
 
 And now, thank God, can freely give you up : 
 
 Love, fear, adore, and serve the Lord alone! 
 
 Soon we shall meet, where farewells are unknown. 
 
 Farewell my husband — I am loth to part 
 
 With thee, the joy and solace of my heart, 
 
 With thee the dear companion of my care 
 
 And bliss, when I had bliss to share : 
 
 So round my heart, with many a fibre bound, 
 
 To give thee up inflicts the deepest toound : 
 
 But Jesus calls me to his bless'd abode, — 
 
 I go the first, but thou art on the road : — 
 
 "Tis but a moment! love — repress thy tears, — 
 
 And then we're married through the eternal years. 
 
 Well now the bitterness of death is pass'd, — 
 
 That pang of souls untwining was the last, — 
 
 The coast is clear, my mortal race is run ; 
 
 Angels bring near the chariot, all is won ; 
 
 I soon shall sing, on yon celestial shore, — 
 
 I'm safe! I'm safe! I'm safe forever more. 
 
 Step in my soul— I go \\dth all my heart, 
 
 Now let thy handmaid. Lord, in peace depart."
 
 176 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 AN ACCOUNT OF HER LAST SICKNESS 
 AND DEATH. 
 
 BY HER HUSBAND. 
 
 After leaving Thomaston Circuit, her health, 
 hke that of people in decline, was sometimes so 
 apparently good, that all indulged the fond hope that 
 health and life would be prolonged : but in May 
 and June her disease grew worse rapidly, so that in 
 the judgment of one of the first physicians in the 
 parts, her case was desperate ; and that two weeks 
 at most would end her career. Her hps, mouth, 
 throat, and lungs appeared to be one coat of canker. 
 Her cough racked her w hole frame. Her weakness 
 was such that she could leave the bed but little. 
 
 We prepared a cordial in the following manner : — 
 took i lb. of gold thread and boiled out the strength 
 in about one quart of water, then strained it off and 
 ^dded i lb. of loaf sugar, and simmered it away to 
 about three gills and added a little brandy, so as to 
 preserve it sweet, [i a glass.]* 
 
 Doctor Mann from Hallowell, from friendship to 
 us, came 12 miles voluntarily to inquire after our 
 welfare, and do us all the good in his power. He 
 approved of the cordial, and added, " Mrs. N. you 
 are above the fear of death, and therefore if 1 tell 
 you plainly my judgment, you will not be alarmed — 
 " By no means," she replied, " for I have given all 
 up, to die, and feel a measure of calm resignation, 
 yet I have some thoughts that God will spare me a 
 
 * This recipe is given for the benefit of the afflicted.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 177 
 
 little longer to my children." — The doctor rejoiced 
 in her prospects, (for he had obtained a hope in the 
 mercy of God himself,) and said, "You must not 
 flatter yourself with the thoughts of life, for I see 
 no ground to encourage you, but we will do all we 
 can for your comfort and relief — take freely of your 
 gold-thread cordial, keep your mouth and stomach 
 moist with it — it cannot hurt you, and it may relieve 
 you entirely from the canker." — and so it did ! ! 
 
 I walked with the doctor to his carriage, who, with 
 an affectionate look said, " I do feel it my duty to 
 say to you plainly before I leave you, that one iveek, 
 or tivo at farthest will remove your wife to another, 
 and I trust a better world than this." I replied, 
 " Doctor, I have faith to believe God will raise her 
 up to a measure of health, and spare her to us a 
 little longer. 
 
 In two weeks she was able to ride to Hallowell. 
 The doctor met us at the door and said, " Welcome 
 to my house, your faith was a good faith. 
 
 From this time, like most cases of consumption, 
 for more than a year her health was in a state of 
 constant fluctuation ; at times able to attend the do- 
 mestic concejins of her house, and ride out 10 or 20 
 miles, but often confined to the house, and a few 
 times to her room. But as the autumn of 1823 
 approached her strength failed, her disease ad- 
 vanced, our fears were alarmed, and the word of the 
 Lord, " Prepare to meet thy God," spoke loud to 
 us. In November she could help herself but little. 
 December and January, her sufferings were great, 
 but the work of the Lord on the circuit demanded 
 my attention : but at our Quarterly meeting holden 
 in Pittston, Feb. 1824, the good Lord opened the 
 door, and brought a young man to take my circuit,
 
 178 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 and with advice and consent of my Presiding Elder 
 and brethren, and from a sense of duty, I left the 
 field and retired to my little family, that by the 
 grace of God I might stand in my lot through the 
 trying scene, as a pillar in my house. 
 
 It now became necessary to have watchers every 
 night ; and to give as little trouble as possible, I 
 proposed to rise at twelve o'clock every night, and 
 watch until the morning. Her benevolent father's 
 household readily agreed to take the necessary care 
 the first part of the night. Thus I was favored with 
 the opportunity to mark her piety and disease day 
 and night, and it was a season never to be forgotten. 
 From the commencement of our acquaintance we 
 ever made death and judgment a familiar topic — we 
 met and we parted as though it was, or might be, 
 our last time. But now, sitting under the frozen 
 wall of death, and the grave at our feet, we were 
 making arrangements for the moment of separa- 
 tion. Religion has beauties vhich adorn life 
 with charms celestial, but in no place can the 
 worth of the grace of God be so truly estimated 
 this side of heaven, as in the hours of sickness and 
 death. 
 
 One day having lifted her from the bed to the 
 chair, and then to the bed again, and waiting for 
 her to rest, I asked. How does death appear to you 
 now it is -doubtless so near? Panting awhile for 
 breath, as soon as she was able to speak, she said, 
 *' To live looks pleasant, that I may watch over my 
 children and train them up for God, encourage you 
 to preach the gospel, and do what I can to win souls 
 to Christ ; but to die looks most pleasant. 
 
 The last of February, a C. Baptist preacher, Br. 
 G., called on u?, and his visit was like cold water
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 179 
 
 to a thirsty soul. He talked like a man of sense 
 and deep piety. He observed, that a Christian 
 might in some cases be more useful and honor the 
 cause of God more while suffering the will of God 
 patiently, on a bed of sickness, than when doing 
 the will of God in health. He preached, and the 
 Lord set home the word with power. In the first 
 of March a youth came in to see her, and while 
 looking upon her, and seeing her composure onthe 
 bed of death, and hearing her words, exhorting her 
 to lay aside pride and become an humble Christian, 
 and go to heaven, she was much affected, and had 
 no peace until she found the pearl of great price. 
 Her disease was, comparatively speaking, like the 
 tide ; her sick days would sink her low, as if death 
 would immediately do his office ; then returning 
 gales of health would breathe upon her, and she 
 would appear as though God was about to let her 
 enjoy the blessings of health again : but in all these 
 changing prospects, I observed a constant gradual 
 decay ; her flesh wasted, her strength failed, the 
 power of speech failed. About the middle of 
 March, one night after passing more than ten 
 hours under such distress that it appeai'ed as though 
 nature must fail, and she sink under the burning 
 fever, racking pains, and tearing cough, as I sup- 
 ported, and partly raised her up to relieve her as far 
 as possible by a change of posture ; I prayed in my 
 heart, that the compassionate Jehovah would support 
 and preserve her from impatience; and to know 
 her state of mind, I asked, does your patience hold 
 out ? Her reply was, in slow and broken accents, 
 " the goodness of God." 
 
 " I do not murmur at his stay, 
 Or wish my sufferings less."
 
 180 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 About this time a brother in Christ with his wife 
 came up from B. and called on us — we sang, 
 
 " God moves in a mysterious way, 
 His wonders to perforiTi ; 
 He plants his footsteps in the deep 
 And rides upon the storm," &c. 
 
 We prayed, and sister D. took Fanny by the hand, 
 saying, " Farewell, sister, you will no doubt arrive 
 safe home to glory before me, but I hope to be so 
 happy as to meet you there. Such was the rational 
 conclusion, when comparing the blooming, healthy 
 countenance of the one, to the pale and deathly 
 visage of the other, panting upon the bed of death ; 
 but the hymn just sang states, 
 
 " His purposes will ripen fast, 
 Unfolding every hour." 
 
 More than a week sooner than Fanny, Sister D. 
 was hurried away with but a few days sickness to 
 meet her Judge. When I had performed my duty 
 and returned to my Circuit, and enquired for sister 
 Densmore — I was answered, She is gone to try the 
 realities of vast eternity — The calm composure 
 with which she met her sudden arrest gives us 
 lively hopes that she has gone safely. About the 
 20th of March, the sweet breeze of health so far 
 revived in my companion, that I drew her into an- 
 other room in a chair, and the day following, with a 
 little assistance she walked out, sat down and sung 
 one verse of a hymn. And our fond hopes were 
 flattered that the Lord would even raise her up 
 again as in times past. — For eight or ten weeks, it 
 had been but a small part of the time that she could
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 181 
 
 even turn herself in the bed without assistance, and 
 often we had to move her entirely alone. 
 
 About the 25th of March, I took her in my arms, 
 carried her to the sleigh, and rode about eighty rods 
 and returned, and when seated, with a smile she 
 said, " How good and reviving the clear air of this 
 fair spring day is to weak lungs." — The next day 
 the tide turned — an ulcer broke upon the decayed 
 lungs, and strength and life ebbed out in rapid 
 flight, and to her comfort and our joy, the gold- 
 thread cordial, by the blessing of God, cleansed 
 the mouth of canker, and kept it clean unto the 
 last. Her appetite for food continued good, and all 
 the kind friends of different societies, as if touched 
 by a celestial hand, cheerfully offered to do all in 
 their power for her comfort and support. The 
 Good Lord reward them. 
 
 About the last of March, one night wrestling 
 with the disease until three or four in the morning, 
 and being so far relieved as to lie still upon the 
 pillows, she interrupted my reflections by break- 
 ing the happy silence of tfee sacred place, saying, 
 " Glory to God ! that I sought and found religion 
 in my youthful days. It has preserved me from 
 those snares into which many fall, that cost them 
 many tears in riper days. It has been a shield and 
 support unto me all through life. And now a crown 
 of everlasting life lies just before me." Heaven 
 was in her looks, and heaven was in her words. — 
 What shall I do if you go and leave me ? " Put the 
 children to the institution on Kent's-hill, Readfield, 
 and go and preach the Gospel to poor sinners, and 
 God will be with you and bless you !" She appear- 
 ed to lie on the grace of God as a boat lies on the 
 bosom of the great deep. Thus, while the outer 
 16
 
 182 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 man was decaying, the inner man was renewed day 
 by day. 
 
 Through the winter, prayer meetings had been 
 holden in the house on her account, and the holy 
 sacrament had once or twice been, administered to 
 her on her sick bed. But now such was the ner- 
 vous afiection that the least jar or sound in almost 
 any part of the house seemed to shake her whole 
 frame, and affect the whole body with an indescrib- 
 able anguish. Yet, quiet as a lamb panting under 
 the enormous load — and to use her own words, 
 " pain is sweet, and life or death is gain." She 
 placed suffering and^death among the Christian's 
 treasures. 
 
 After one of these distressing times was over, 
 and she was able to rest on the pillows, I expressed 
 my gratitude that she was so easy. " Easy ? yes, 
 I am easy to what I was, but if you or any other 
 person was to pass from a state of good health into 
 the sufferings which I now feel, easy as you think I 
 am, they would no doubt make as much ado, and 
 be as restless as I have been in the greatest distress 
 which I have passed through. There is not one 
 breath even now without pain, and the language of the 
 poet is well suited to my present case, 
 
 'Distressing pains my vitals tear, 
 While every joint and limb 
 Their mutual portion bear. '" 
 
 Having passed almost the whole night in bodily 
 sufTerings, towards break of day, reclining on the 
 pillows with her eyes full of expression, and a coun- 
 tenance shining with the grace of God, she said, 
 *' My kind husband, you must not be alarmed if I 
 kiVSa dreadful struggle in death, for I expect it;
 
 FANNr NEWELL. 183 
 
 but I have been praying to God — and he will sup- 
 port me, / shall be carried safe through." 
 
 The first of April the young brother came from 
 my circuit and requested me to go and baptize, and 
 receive into society, those who were made free by 
 the grace of God. I appointed a day, and observed 
 — if my^ wife is no worse I will come, if dead and 
 not buried I will come, but if she is dying I will not 
 come. The morning came, and as my custom 
 was, I was ready up, and at 4 o'clock A. M. I pre- 
 pared to go, took some food, rose from the table, 
 and my wife said, " I have been thinking of those 
 dear lambs, and think you had better stay until after 
 the Sabbath. You may do them good — they have 
 need of help. I may live, I may not ; leave that 
 with God, it is no matter." — Knowing how partial 
 she was to my strength and skill in lifting and mov- 
 ing her, my heart was sensibly touched, to think 
 how much her love for souls and resignation to the 
 will of God had done for her. 1 knelt down by her 
 bed, and silently lifted my case and laid it at the foot 
 of mercy until 1 was composed, and was perfectly 
 willing to 
 
 "Leave to his sovereign sway 
 To choose and to command." 
 
 After a word of vocal prayer, I took the parting 
 hand — reason said for the last time on earth — nature 
 wept and melted, but faith bore up the soul in calm 
 and heavenly joy. 
 
 About 20 miles I rode through the mud and frost 
 to Windsor ; met a large assembly and several 
 local preachers, and we had the comforts of the 
 Holy Spirit for our support. I tarried from Thurs-
 
 184 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 day to Sabbath ; and with the kind and affectionate 
 help of Br. David Young, we baptized, according 
 to the best of my memory, about thiriij ; and admitted 
 on probation ahoui ffty. It was a time of great joy in 
 that place. I returned a few miles and preached 
 on Sabbath evening, and the good Lord gave me 
 great peace in my soul, all teas tranquil. I felt that 
 God was all in all, while I looked not at the things 
 which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, 
 which are eternal. 
 
 "Friends, believe me when I tell, 
 When Christ is with me all is well." 
 
 I arrived home on Monday about 9 o'clock, A. M., 
 and as I opened the door, my wife, bolstered up in 
 the bed, opened her eyes, and the first words were, 
 "How do the tender lambs of the flock prosper? 
 Are the young converts strong in faith, praising the 
 Lord ?" I answered, yes, the God of Jacob has 
 becH with us — we have had a happy season — " Glo- 
 ry to God ! he has been with me also. I have not 
 been so free from pain, nor rested so well for many 
 days before, as I have these few days that you 
 have been gone to work for the Lord." 
 
 We united to give thanks to God for granting us 
 one privilege more of meeting on the shores of 
 time, and the joy we have in hearing that sinners 
 are repenting and turning to God. 
 
 I inquired of the children, how they felt to be left 
 without regular family worship? (not thinking it 
 possible for their mother to perform the duty. ) They 
 looked upon each other, and then upon their mother 
 in silence. She answered, " We have devotion," 
 and proceeded to give me the history, as she was
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 185 
 
 able, to which I listened with deep interest. — " Such 
 has been my esteem for family worship, that in your 
 absence I have endeavored always to maintain it 
 according to the best of my ability, and sometimes 
 under the embarrassment of sitting in my chair, or 
 lying on my bed through bodily weakness. But 
 now my voice and lungs are so affected, that nature 
 forbids my performing that duty in vocal strains as 
 in days that are past, and what shall be done ? As 
 f lay thus musing, and reflecting on my case, just 
 about to bid farewell to the world, my children about 
 to be left, and if their father continues faithful, 
 ranging the wide world in quest of souls, our family 
 altar would be thrown down, and the children gather 
 round a stranger's altar, or perhaps have their lot 
 cast where no vocal prayer is heard. The emotions 
 of my mind cannot easily be described, until the 
 hands of Israel stretched and laid on the heads of 
 Joseph's children, passed through my mind. At 
 the proper time, I called on the children to take 
 their Bibles for family worship. After reading their 
 chapter, I caused them to come near and kneel 
 down by my bed side, and in the name of the God 
 of Israel I reached out my hand and laid it on their 
 heads, believing that God, who seeth in secret, can 
 bless, whhout words as well as with ; and truly 
 they may be reckoned amongst some of the most 
 refreshing seasons that I ever enjoyed with my little 
 family ; and I humbly hope, that our children will 
 be numbered with the tribes of Israel, and have a 
 lot of inheritance with the people of God. And as 
 Israel gathered up his feet upon his bed and died, 
 leaving his blessing upon his offspring, so even I 
 was willing to die and leave my husband and children 
 in the care of that God who has protected me as he 
 16*
 
 186 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 did IsraeJ, all my lifetime, and brought me to hope 
 in the resurrection ! 
 
 " Such was the enlargement of my mind on the 
 care of a kind Providence over the righteous, and 
 the showers of grace that descended hke the dew of 
 heaven upon us, that we wept, and my tears were 
 tears of joy, more than grief." 
 
 Reader, fix your mind on a mother with her chil- 
 dren, thus presenting themselves before God ; view 
 the falling tears, hear the sobbing children listen to 
 the low voice of the pale parent, ready to depart, 
 now and then softly whispering, " Lord bless my 
 son — my daughter — I leave them with thee— they 
 are thine — take them — keep them — from the evils — 
 that are in the world — for Jesus' sake — make them 
 useful — support us in — death — bring us to meet — 
 in — heaven — glory — to God — amen —glory — glory 
 — glory — praise — God — amen — amen — . 
 
 See the smiles that speak a composure and tran- 
 quillity that a full view of parting with parents, hus- 
 band, and children, and sinking into the cold bosom 
 of death cannot obliterate, and then can you say, in 
 candor, Tliere is nothing in religion 1 The man of 
 God can say, " To live is Christ, to die is gain !" 
 Let all the people know, that the " Sting of death is 
 SIN, but thanks be to God who giveth us the victory 
 through (faith in) Jesus Christ our Lord !" I often 
 saw the day star rise, and the day breaking, while 
 sitting by the side of my dear wife. In the language 
 of inspiration, '^ The morning cometh and also the 
 night." " He turneth the shadow of death into the 
 morning of life." — I had such views of the resur- 
 rection of the dead, and the glory that shall follow, 
 that death appeared like a friend with a life-boat to 
 take us off of the wueck of this poor world, and
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 187 
 
 land us safe upon the fair shores of eternal blessed- 
 ness. The narrow giilf of death and the gloomy 
 grave, were so lost m the unbounded joy which be- 
 gan to heave in view, and the earnest of the inheri- 
 tance which the Lord gave us, that we could say, 
 
 "'Tis a heaven below, the Redeemer to know." 
 
 And with Jacob, " God is here ! this is the gate of 
 heaven !" No dread but that of God ; no fear but 
 the fear of the Lord ; no desire but to do and suffer 
 the will of God, to whom we could look up, and 
 with inexpressible delight, cry, Abba, Father. 
 
 About the tenth or twelfth of April, signs of a 
 departure were very manifest, and I inquired of her 
 if her mind was the same as formerly 1 and received 
 a satisfactory answer. 
 
 April 15th, as I sat watching the slow, deadly 
 approach of the maturity and victory of the disease, 
 and the sweet heaven in the countenance of my 
 love, she broke the silence, and gave directions 
 concerning her funeral. 
 
 Nature now appeared to have given up the strug- 
 gle, and had yielded almost passively to the disease. 
 Her cough ceased, mostly, raised but little, and in- 
 clined to sleep ; but such was her weak state, that 
 eight or ten minutes was as long, in general, as we 
 dare let her sleep at once. By her request, her 
 father's family were called in for family worship. 
 On the 17th of April, in the morning, one of the 
 affectionate near neighbors came in, bringing a plate 
 of food ready cooked, of that kind, which of late 
 had relished best, and sat the easiest on her weak 
 stomach. She thanked her benefactor, but lifting 
 her hand said, " It looks good, but I cannot take it"
 
 188 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 — my heart felt the sentence ! Death sat waiting, 
 as on the banks of Jordan, for the water to divide 
 and give a passport through. All the nourishment 
 of the last twenty-four hours, was a few tablespoons 
 full of gruel and cordial, of which we wet her lips 
 and mouth. — Such was her calm composure, that I 
 said, as I awoke her, your sleep appears quiet — 
 " Yes, almost natural," was the reply — " and I feel 
 almost well, only a load in my breast like a stone." 
 About sunset, sister 0. Wing of the society called 
 Friends, came, and as I met her at the door she 
 said, I have come by the Spirit to Fanny, believing 
 that if I did not come to-day I should not see her 
 alive — something said in my heart, You have come 
 to help lay her out. 
 
 The good Lord so far supported her, that she ap- 
 peared to converse in a low tone easier than she had 
 for days — her countenance was cheerful and most 
 pleasant, as if waiting for some most desirable ob- 
 ject. About eight o'clock, after having conversed 
 with some freedom with us, she requested the fami- 
 ly to be called in for social worship. It fell on my 
 mind — it is the last we shall enjoy together on earth 
 — and so it was ! I read a short portion of the 
 word of God, and my mind was fixed on the Is- 
 raelites passing Jordan. They were not afraid, 
 the water stood as an heap — but the footsteps of the 
 priests were to be seen, and the Ark of the cove- 
 nant was in the midst of the channel of the river, 
 and there could be no dread of danger. My prayer 
 was, O Lord, let thine handmaid see thy face, and 
 hear thy voice, and she will not be afraid ! be 
 thou with us, and all is well. To the glory of God 
 I would say — It was so ! All was well ! Heaven 
 closed us round — the shades of death fell back —
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 189 
 
 the charms of the Saviour's dying love brought life 
 and immortality to hght. 
 
 My prayer closed, — the family retired. I said to 
 Fanny, Your accounts are sealing up for eternity, 
 and how soon ours will be sealed we know not. 
 You have been deprived of public worship for a 
 long time — to-morrow will be the Sabbath — you 
 will most probably spend it with Abraham in the 
 midst of saints and angels. She was requested to 
 try to take some nourishment, but said, "■ I would, 
 as gladly as you would have me, but I cannot ! My 
 case is desperate." Turning her eyes on me, she 
 said, " If you will prepare the drops — I will take 
 them if possible, for I feel my distress coming on, 
 and I may have a little rest the first part of the 
 night." I stepped across the room to prepare them 
 — she reached her hands to her mother, and sister 
 W. and they raised her up — she coughed, and 
 raised, but could not discharge it — fell back upon 
 the pillows — fixed her eyes upward whh inexpressi- 
 ble sweetness — the family were called in — but she 
 was gone without a struggle or a groan. So much 
 glory appeared to shine upon her, that it was too 
 much for nature, and she sweetly fell asleep in the 
 bosom of Jesus her Lord ! I was knelt by her 
 side, and felt the last pulse and the last motion of 
 the heart, and saw the white hue, like a blush, flash 
 over her face, and her eyes full of lustre and big 
 with expression lose all their sweetness and sink 
 down in death — her head bent forward a little, and 
 all was silent — a bed of death ! ! 
 
 My feelings none can tell ! Her eternal state is 
 fixed ! I felt very solemn, though 1 had such a 
 sense of the presence of God, as I cannot describe.
 
 190 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 The ministering spirits seemed to be present, and 
 the following lines came to my mind, 
 
 "Angels now are hovering" round us, 
 Unperceiv'd they mix the throng, — 
 
 Wondering at the love that crown'd us. 
 Glad to join the holy song : 
 Hallelujah, 
 
 Love and praise to Christ belongs." 
 
 I could say with the poet, 
 
 " Heaven and earth Agree, 
 
 Angels and men are join'd 
 To celebrate with me 
 
 The Saviour of mankind ! 
 T'adore the all atoning Lamb, 
 And bless the sound of Jesus' name." 
 
 The full tide of heavenly consolation rolled me 
 along until after her dust was laid in the dust. My 
 mind was enriched by a celestial power that seemed 
 to shut me in on all sides, as the shepherds were 
 covered with the glory that surrounded them. — 
 Never until now did I have such exalted thoughts 
 of the dignity of the Christian ! Their dust is sa- 
 cred, and the soul celestial in the society above, 
 where Jesus reigns supreme! Many were the 
 tears which I saw flow from the eyes of those who 
 came in to take a farewell look ! But none made 
 such deep impression as the tears that fell from the 
 fair faces of the little children whom she had taught 
 in Sabbath school while living. They looked, they 
 gazed, and melted down, and turned away, cover- 
 . ing their weeping eyes with their little hands — sweet 
 offering to the one they loved. 
 
 The following lines, which I found in her writ-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 191 
 
 ings, and read while sitting by her remains, ap- 
 peared appropriate to tears shed at such a time as 
 this. 
 
 1. Ye fleeting charms of earth, farewell, 
 
 Your springs of joy are dry ; 
 My soul now seeks another home, 
 A brighter world on high. 
 
 2. Farewell, ye friends, whose tender care 
 
 Has long engag'd my love ; 
 Your fond embrace I now exchange 
 For better friends above. 
 
 3. Cheerful I leave this vale of tears. 
 
 Where pains and sorrows grow ; 
 Welcome the day that ends my toils. 
 And every scene of wo. 
 
 4. No more shall sin disturb my breast, 
 
 My God shall frown no more ; 
 The streams of love divine shall yield 
 Transports unknown before. 
 
 5. Fly, then, ye interposing days! — 
 
 Lord, send the summons down ; 
 The hand that strikes me to the dust, 
 Shall raise me to a Crown. 
 
 Chorus. 
 O heaven, sweet heaven. 
 Dear Lord, when shall I get to heaven. 
 
 Her remains now rest in the new grave-yard in 
 Sidney, Kennebeck county, Maine. The stone 
 presented by the kind friends of Thomaston, was 
 placed at the head, with the inscription in the fol- 
 lowing order.
 
 192 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 SEEK GOD ! 
 
 Stop, my friend ! O take another vlev) 
 
 The dust that moulders here, 
 
 Was once belov'd like you ! 
 
 No longer then on future time rely, 
 
 Improve the present — 
 
 And prepare to die ! ! ! 
 
 FANNY, 
 
 The beloved consort of the 
 
 Rev. E. F. Newell, 
 
 Died April 17, 1824, 
 
 Aged 30 years, 1 1 mo. and 5 days.
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 193 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE CORRESPOND- 
 ENCE OF MRS. NEWELL. 
 
 [The following Extracts of Letters written by Mrs. 
 Newell, it is believed will be read with interest by the 
 circle of her former acquaintance, and it is hoped not un- 
 profitably by others.] 
 
 Extract of a letter from Pittston to Roijalton, Ver- 
 mont. 
 
 Dearly beloved Brother and Sister H. 
 
 I gladly embrace this good opportunity of writing 
 to you, after having long premeditated the agreeable 
 task. You would excuse this long delay, if you 
 knew my labors, and visits, which I perform in the 
 name of the Lord, around this large circuit, which 
 reaches the isles of the sea, and extends far back 
 from the shore. After I left Yermont, and came to 
 Maine, I tarried with my parents, about six weeks. 
 And the time, I trust, was not spent in vain. I 
 took up some of the time in recounting the wonder- 
 ful goodness of God — the various trials through 
 which I had been brought — the many friends which 
 the Lord had raised up, to smooth my path in life, 
 while travelling over that rugged part of Yermont. 
 We prayed, and sang hymns, and I had some happy 
 meetings, and was glad after so long absence, to 
 exhort sinners again in my native land, to turn to 
 God and live. 
 
 I enjoy peace, by the salt water, and am as wil- 
 ling to serve God with unwearied dihgence, as when 
 on the high hills of Yermont. Do you inquire after 
 17
 
 194 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 our children, for whom you have done so much? 
 They are the pictures of health, and their growing 
 faculties render them children of great promise. 
 But these flowers must fade, these children must 
 die. 
 
 Our greatest concern is to train them up for God, 
 and in the way that they should go. Help by your 
 prayers. And may the Lord bless you, and your 
 children, and bring us all to meet in glory when time 
 is no more. 
 
 Adieu in love, F. N. 
 
 Extract of letters written from JMaine to Verm&nt* 
 
 Respected Friends, 
 
 Through the great goodness of God, I am favor- 
 ed with an opportunity of writing to you, and gladly 
 lay aside the pressing cares of life, and employ a 
 pleasant moment in reflecting on your many acts of 
 benevolence to me and mine, when a stranger with 
 you ; especially — the trying hour of sickness. Re- 
 ceive my sincere and hearty thanks, for all the kind- 
 ness shown me, which I shall remember, and often 
 with that tenderness of heart, which causes my tears 
 to flow in abundance. 
 
 Yea, I go to the throne of grace, and cry to God 
 for you, and plead his precious promise, to such as 
 visit the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, 
 relieve the oppressed, and entertain the stranger. 
 But Ah! What will all my tears, and prayers, 
 together with those of my companion, and all the 
 Israel of God, avail, unless you comply with the 
 offers of salvation, as recorded in the Bible ? Let
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 195 
 
 me inquire, are your souls in health ? Are you 
 travelling in the narrow, happy way, that leads to 
 everlasting bliss ? If so, I congratulate you on 
 your pilgrimage journey. All hail ye redeemed of 
 the Lord — ye children of the most high God ! Go 
 on. — By the grace of God I will meet you in glory. 
 
 " There to sing and shout oui* sufferings o'er, 
 On that eternal happy shore." 
 
 Or are you negligent about the important con- 
 cerns of the soul ? Are you halting without secur- 
 ing the precious pearl of inestimable worth 1 If so, 
 you have reason to fear (after all) lest a promise 
 being left you — any of us should come short of it. 
 
 Forgive my boldness of speech, for I realize that 
 we are eternity bound souls, who must exist as long 
 as God exists, in happiness or woe. Prepare to 
 meet thy God. That when he comes to make up 
 his jewels, we may be found joyful on God's right 
 hand. 
 
 My health, that of the children, and my husband's, 
 is good as usual. May you and yours enjoy a like 
 blessing. 
 
 With esteem, F. N. 
 
 Extract of a Letter written from Calais to Read' 
 field, Maine. 
 
 Benevolent Friends, 
 
 The Lord has been very good to me. My 
 health is as good as usual. I have been sick, but 
 the Lord has raised me up. I enjoy my mind, and 
 am resolved to serve the Lord, all the days of my
 
 196 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 appointed time, until my change comes. I mean 
 to redeem my time with great industry, so that 
 when I am called to leave this world, I may finish 
 my course with joy, and not with grief. Then it 
 will be easy dying ! May the Lord grant that we 
 may prove it true, by blessed and happy experience ! 
 With joy I received your letter, and read your de- 
 sires to serve the Lord ; and my cry was. Amen ! 
 May that dear woman follow on to know the Lord, 
 and the increasing light, like the dawning morning, 
 will be to you the light of life. Happy living, and 
 easy dying. For your encouragement, reflect, God 
 requires the whole heart. O give it to him without 
 reserve. A broken and contrite heart is a sacrifice 
 well pleasing in the sight of God. Truly, it is a 
 great thing to be a Christian ! But it is possible to 
 be such an one, as the Lord will accept, and love. 
 Genuine piety is a change from nature to grace, 
 Christ the hope of glory formed in the soul ; as 
 Paul says, " Christ in you the hope of glory," 
 Time is short. Be faithful. Consider your Chris- 
 tian privileges ; the meanest place in the cause of 
 God is glorious — a door keeper is better than to 
 dwell in the tents of sin. The love I have for per- 
 ishing souls makes hard things easy. 'Tis like 
 death to me to live in sloth and cold indifference. 
 Let us then arise and shine, for the light is come, 
 and the glory of the Lord has risen upon us. 
 
 F.N. 
 
 Extract of a Letter from Calais to ReadfielcU J^Ie. 
 
 Dear Youth, 
 
 I take my pen with pleasure to answer your let-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 197 
 
 ter, and with you hope that it will not be the last. 
 But life is uncertain. These lines may come to 
 your place of abode — and you, like a rose plucked 
 in the bloom, may be gone ! And your charming 
 beauties may be sunk in death's cold embrace. Or 
 should you live to read what 1 have written, I may 
 be gone from the earth far away. With these 
 thoughts, I look to God for wisdom, that my time 
 in writing, and your time in reading, may not be 
 spent in vain, or wasted like too many of our pre- 
 cious moments already gone, eternally unimproved. 
 
 You expressed a wish, that all the prayers and 
 exhortations with which you had been blessed, 
 might not be lost upon you, but that they may leave 
 impressions never to be worn off. Amen, was my 
 reply ; so let it be, Lord. The Bible shows us, 
 that there is a possibility of such a loss ; for the 
 word of God saith, (Hebrews iv. 2,) " The word 
 preached did not profit them, not being mixed with 
 faith in them that heard it." In order, then, to come 
 to God in a spiritual way, you must believe that 
 God is, and that he is a rewarder of them that dili- 
 gently seek him. But when asked, Do you believe 
 he is ] you answer. Yes. Do you believe he is a 
 rewarder of all who diligently seek him 1 — silence, 
 or a reply, he cannot reward such a sinner as I am, 
 is made. Here you see the lack of faith. An- 
 other hindrance is the lack of humility. Joseph did 
 not make himself known unto his brethren, till hu- 
 mility had pressed them down, and he saw the an- 
 guish of their hearts, and heard them confess their 
 guilt in seeking their brother Joseph's ruin. So 
 Christ will save none who have passed the time of 
 accountability without faith and repentance. 
 
 Faith is composed, I might say, of three things : 
 17*
 
 198 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 first, assent of the understanding ; secondly, con- 
 sent of the will ; thirdly, affiance of the heart. Let 
 me say to you, be wise to know your gracious day. 
 
 Harbor pride, and unbelief, and they will carry 
 you down the splendid current of this world's glory, 
 and bar Christ and heaven out of your heart, and 
 ripen you for that ruin that will assuredly overtake 
 the wicked. Fly then to Christ. He is able and 
 willing to save all who come to God by him. 
 Think it not hard, that he requires something of you. 
 Be willing to rank among those saved in the days 
 of his sojourning on earth. Bring the question 
 home to your own heart. Dost thou believe that I 
 am able to do this ? All things are possible to him 
 who believeth. As thv faith, so be it done unto 
 thee. But a hint in your letter, that doubts, whether 
 it is true, perplex you at times. Leave them as not 
 worthy of a place in your mind. Be on the sure 
 side. Live according to the Divine requirements, 
 and it will be for your true happiness, even in this 
 present life, and never can harm you on a bed of 
 sickness and death, to reflect, that you have prac- 
 tised holiness in the fear of God. Jesus, who 
 knew well what was in both worlds, has said, " 
 that thou hadst known, in this thy day, the things 
 that belong to thy peace, but now they are hid from 
 thine eyes." 
 
 O then let us fear, lest a promise being left us of 
 entering into his rest, you and I come short. My 
 young triend, I have written a long letter, receive it 
 as my good will ; weak and imperfect as it is. My 
 prayer is, that you may be stimulated to attend to 
 that more sure word of prophecy, until the day 
 dawn, and the day-star arise in your heart. Then
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 199 
 
 your joy will be full. Then your next letter will 
 give me the joy of angels when sinners repent. 
 
 F. N. 
 
 Extract of a Letter from Calais to Gardiner, Me, 
 
 Afflicted Brother in the Lord, 
 
 When I heard of your loss it deeply affected me. 
 I have had impressions to write to you for a long 
 time ; to-day I devote a few moments, and may the 
 Lord direct my pen, and make me instrumental of 
 your comfort and edification. Brother C, God has 
 removed from you one of the greatest blessings en- 
 joyed on earth ; the choice of your younger days, 
 and the delight of your heart ! Is she gone ? Shall 
 we see her no more until the great day of the Lord 
 Jesus ? The word of God alone can support us, 
 under sorrows deep as thine. Lean, then, upon his 
 precious promise — " All things shall work together 
 for good to them who love God." Happy the man 
 who can say, 
 
 " I give my mortal interest up, 
 And make my God my aW." 
 
 Is this your happy lot? Do you sink into the 
 Divine will? Can you say, The world is weaned 
 from my affections, and I am brought nearer to 
 God ? I trust you can say this ! But do I not 
 hear you say, My cares are doubled ! The pre- 
 cious branches of my dear departed wife are lean- 
 ing wholly on me, for support and instruction. — 
 Your feelings are known only to God, and those 
 
 /
 
 206 MEMOIRS OP 
 
 who like you have been left with motherless chil- 
 dren ! God meets your children with a promise ; 
 " I will be a God to the orphan ; let them trust in 
 me." O pray to God ; he invites you to call on 
 him in the day of trouble ; and he has assured us 
 that he will hear our prayer. May we so hve, that 
 when death comes we may be ready, and hail him 
 as we would a friend, who brings with him our pass- 
 port to heaven! There I hope to meet all the 
 sanctified at God's right hand — to part no more. 
 This lively hope 
 
 " Gives even affection a grace, 
 And reconciles man to his lot." 
 
 F. K 
 
 Extract of a Letter written from ThomastontoHaU 
 lowell. 
 
 Dear M , 
 
 I hail you from thg western bank of the Penob- 
 scot Bay, on Mr. Newell's circuit extending from 
 Georgetown to Knox, a four weeks' range. Truly 
 the fields are white to harvest, and faithful laborers 
 are few. I have a willing heart ; but viewing my- 
 self a poor weak female, I try to excuse myself, 
 and say, why me, my Lord, why me? Why am 
 1 called to this, that, and the other duty ? sister, 
 I feel the weight of the Redeemer's words rest on 
 me in a manner I never did before ; " Yerily I say 
 unto thee there is no man that hath left parents, or 
 brethren, or wife, or children ; for the kingdom of 
 God's sake, who shall not receive manifold more in 
 this present time, and in the world to come life 
 everlasting."
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 201 
 
 This is enough ; who could ask for more ? Who 
 would not be willing to sacrifice all for him, who 
 has suffered so much, and promised so much 1 My 
 soul answers, 
 
 " If such a worm as I can spread 
 A common Saviour's name ; — 
 Nor sin, nor satan can I fear, 
 With Jesus in my A'iew." 
 
 A V'oman^ when Christ was on earth, broke a box 
 of precious ointment, and poured it on his head, — 
 and there were some who found fault ! But our 
 Lord said, let her alone, she has wrought a good 
 work on me ; she has done what she could. The 
 Lord would accept of us if we did what we could, 
 small as our mites might be. I feel the importance 
 of working while the day lasts, for the night (death) 
 Cometh, wherein no man can work. The Lord is 
 at work in great mercy, and converting houIs in 
 this place. sister M., my mind often carries me 
 to your comfortable dwelling and seats mo. by you 
 alone in sweet and private interview ; — but recol- 
 lection hurries me back to my place far distant from 
 you. — Kind benefactors are multiplied, and my 
 "heart is often raised in silent, but ardent desires for 
 the benevolent souls whose hands have administer- 
 ed to my necessities. I cannot forget them, neither 
 can I say that I am worthy for whom they do this 
 — Oh no ! I am the most unworthy of all the little 
 ones of my heavenly Father. Yet through the 
 grace of God I do — I must claim this appellation, 
 " little one .'" — claim the reward promised, and 
 God will bless you — unworthy as I am, I claim a 
 large interest in your addresses at the Throne of
 
 202 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Grace ; and may Christ be our wisdom, righteous- 
 ness, sanctification and complete redemption. 
 
 " Descend, celestial fire, 
 
 And seize me from above ! 
 Wrap me in flames of pure desire, 
 
 A sacrifice of love. 
 
 Let joy and worship spend 
 
 The remnant of my days : 
 And to my God my soul ascend, 
 
 In sweet perfumes of praise." 
 
 Farewell in love, F. N. 
 
 Extract of a Letter from Gardiner to Sidney, dated 
 Jidij 16, 18 IS. 
 
 Dear Mother, 
 
 I come now to write to you a farewell, as I can- 
 not see you face to face ; And may the Lord di- 
 rect my pen. I calculated much on seeing you 
 before my departure, but I am disappointed. Shall 
 I be disappointed of meeting you again on earth? 
 If I meet you in heaven I will ask no more. — Are 
 you bound there ? Then be careful for nothing ; 
 but with prayer and thanksgiving make your request 
 known to God, who is able to cleanse, and make 
 you fit for glory. O my parents, pray for me, that 
 I may be supported under whatever trial I may be 
 called to pass, and glorify God in my soul and body 
 which are his ; and may we all seek an entire con- 
 formity to the mind and will of God; and prove 
 the depth, and height, the length, and breadth of the 
 ]pve of God, which passeth all understanding. We
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 203 
 
 expect to set sail tomorrow at an early hour, for St. 
 Croix. I leave my native land, and for what? to 
 gain silver or gold 1 No ! Money could not tempt 
 me to make the sacrifice I do. What then am I 
 going for? I answer, to encourage a preacher of the 
 Gospel ; and help in the great and glorious work of 
 winning souls to Christ ! And although I may pass 
 deep waters of affliction, I have no dread, because 
 1 trust in the Lord ; for in the Lord Jehovah is 
 everlasting strength. 
 
 Although death may be near, and the grave at 
 my feet, I trust in the Lord to land me safe, where 
 the waves of trouble will cease to roar, and the 
 tempest be forever calm. Then, then, — 
 
 "When the victory we have won, 
 And each receive a starry crown, 
 We'll shout and sing our sufferings o'er, 
 On that eternal happy shore." 
 
 Extract of a Letter from Calais to Sidney^ J\Iame, 
 
 " Dear Parents, 
 
 The Lord is very gracious to me. He has visited 
 us with sickness since we came to this country. 
 But he knows what is best. Let him do what 
 seemeth good in his sight, is the" language of my 
 heart. I write a few lines and then give over writ- 
 ing to wait on the sick, one of whom is my daugh- 
 ter. But the Lord is my shield and my strength. 
 His grace is equal to my day. I believe these af- 
 flictions are designed for our good." In another let- 
 ter she writes thus : — " My courage far exceeds my 
 strength, or I should not go. My health is poor
 
 204 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 and the roads bad ; but the harvest is great and 
 faithful laborers are few. There are many places 
 destitute of preaching. The missionary spirit has 
 got such deep hold upon me, that I am willing to 
 encounter great difficulties, to spend, and be spent 
 for God, and the good of -souls. Willing to wear 
 out, and not rust out, in so good a cause as winning 
 souls to Christ, I think my labors are, at least, 
 acceptable among the female part of the commu- 
 nity. Shall I say tears are our hire 1 Glory to 
 God, for the floods we see flowing from the eyes of 
 the aged, rolling down their furrowed cheeks, and 
 from the young, like drops of dew upon the rose. 
 The Lord is doing wonders among this people. 
 Give yourselves no anxious concern on my account ; 
 if I die here, the will of the Lord be done. Reforma- 
 tion makes this place pleasant. The wilderness, 
 the solitary places are glad — They blossom like the 
 rose. The songs of the redeemed, and the groans 
 of the wounded, continue to form a sweet concert. 
 
 " Angels sing, and men rejoice, 
 When sinners make the better choice«" 
 
 May Christ be our portion forever." 
 
 F. N. 
 
 Extracts from a Letter wnttenfrom Sidney to Calais, 
 
 Respected friends, The providence of God has 
 prevented my intended visit to your house before I 
 left the circuit. I was low on a bed of sickness ; 
 and brought even to the gate of death ; and when
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 205 
 
 the fever left me, I was exceeding low. And in 
 hopes of benefit, we took a passage by water to 
 Boston, and then to Kennebeck, and arrived at my 
 father's in Sidney, Jnly 15th, after an absence 
 of about one year. 
 
 Happy again in my native place, and in the midst 
 of relations, we gave thanks to God for his guardian 
 care over us, who has brought us to meet again on 
 earth. You are not forgotten by us, although sepa- 
 rated by towering mountains, long gloomy vallies, 
 rivers and lakes ; yet distance nor time can separate 
 our love for you, or cause us to forget your hospi- 
 tality. We were strangers, and you took us in to 
 your house. Our prayer is, that you may be saved, 
 and God is witness of our tears and sighs for you. 
 I wish you well as I do my own soul. The Lord 
 has blessed you in the abundance of the good things 
 of this world. O be entreated and encouraged, to 
 seek a treasure in heaven. What would it profit you 
 to gain the whole world and lose your own soul] 
 There is a divim reality in pure religion ; notwith- 
 standing many who profess to have it, are a disgrace 
 to the holy cause of God, and bring a reproach 
 upon Christ. But all this does not alter religion ; 
 it remains the same pure source of true felicity ; 
 therefore lay up your treasure in heaven. Look 
 not on professors of religion who, too often, lack 
 the " genuine mark of love." But look to Jesus, 
 who is the Saviour of all men ; especially of those 
 who believe. God is love. 
 
 F. Newell. 
 
 18
 
 206 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Extract of a letter, written from Sidney to JVlacliias, 
 
 Beloved Friends, 
 
 To you I must devote a few moments in writing, 
 for you have a share in my affections. You twine 
 about my heart. I cannot forget a people for whom 
 I have had so much travail, labor, prayers and tears. 
 My desire is, that you may follow on to know the 
 Lord, whom to know aright is life eternal. The 
 King's highway of holiness is a delightful path ; it 
 is so plain, that whosoever desireth may walk there- 
 in. It is marked with blood, and that heavy monu- 
 ment, the cross, is standing in the gate, and you 
 must take it up, and bear it, all the strait and nar- 
 row way, until you arrive at heaven's gate. 
 
 The word of the Lord is truth ; " except a man 
 deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and fol- 
 low me, he cannot be my disciple." Thus you 
 see, you must not only enter in at the strait gate, 
 but you must follow Christ, through good report, or 
 evil report. Yea, go without the camp, content to 
 bear the reproach of Christ. And, 
 
 " March with courage in hie strength, 
 To see and praise your God." 
 
 For, " he who putteth his hand to the plough, and 
 looketh back, is not fit for the kingdom of heaven." 
 " He that endureth to the end, shall be saved." 
 
 At the gate of heaven you will lay down the 
 cross, and receive the crown. O joyful period, 
 when all this warfare shall end ! Who then, would 
 not be willing to fight for Prince Immanuel, God 
 with us ? Wait on God, and you shall renew your 
 strength in Christ, to travel on, and possess the
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 207 
 
 good land, and enter in through the gate into the 
 city. 
 
 Eternal life is before you ! What a prize ! An 
 inheritance, incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth 
 not away. Reserved in heaven for all who love 
 God, and keep his commandments. Follow the 
 good example of Caleb ; practice holiness in the fear 
 of the Lord. Every man's work shall be tried by 
 fire. Gold suffers no loss by fire. The pure in 
 heart shall see God. But alas for the wicked ! 
 They shall call for the rocks and mountains to fall 
 on them, and hide them from the face of him that 
 sitteth upon the throne, and from the wrath of the 
 Lamb. For the great day of his wrath is come, 
 and who shall be able to stand 1 
 
 O horrid must the state of that soul be in, who 
 chooseth rather to be crushed under a mountain than 
 see the face of God ! But these shall go away in- 
 to everlasting punishment ; yea, they shall be cast 
 into a lake of fire ; " where their worm dieth not, 
 and the fire is not quenched." Is there any precious 
 soul within the reach of this letter, who is unac- 
 quainted with the blood of Christ, that cleanseth 
 from all sin, who is sinning against God, and treas- 
 uring up wrath against the day of wrath I Suffer 
 me to give you a word of exhortation. For you 
 my heart is pained, perhaps you have heard my 
 voice, and seen my tears, whilst pleading with you 
 to turn and live. Believe me ; I have the same 
 desire as when with you. O seek the Lord with 
 all diligence. Acquaint now thyself with him and 
 be at peace. They who seek shall find — give up 
 your heart without reserve to God, and " good shall 
 come to thee." 
 
 Put not off the important concerns of the soul.
 
 208 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Delays are dangerous ! To-day is the blessed day ; 
 hear his voice and live. The Gospel calls to-day ; 
 sinners it speaks to you. Incline your ear. Come, 
 and go to heaven with the friends of Jesus. I shall 
 want to see you there. I shall look out for my kind 
 friends and benefactors ; and shall I see any of 
 them, in that great day of the Lord Jesus, far on 
 the left 
 
 " With horror stand 
 
 To meet their awful doom ?" 
 
 H ow painful the thought to my heart. "What, those 
 who have administered to my wants and necessities 
 when I was with you 1 Must I take an everlasting 
 farewell of you, and see you go away into everlast- 
 ing fire, prepared — for who ? not for you, but the 
 devil and his angels. The judgment is not yet 
 come ! the trumpet has not yet sounded, nor the 
 angel proclaimed, that time shall be no more ! Glo- 
 ry to God ! the thoughts revive my soul. Your 
 probation is not over. A space is yet granted you 
 to repent, and improve your time. You have not a 
 moment to lose. Set about the important work. 
 Embrace offered mercy. Grieve not the Holy 
 Spirit of God. Too long you have lingered in the 
 plain. There is no repentance in the grave. As 
 death leaves us, judgment will find us. Repent, 
 for the kingdom of God is at hand. Refuse not 
 the bitter herbs of penitential sorrow for sin. Life 
 is fast ebbing out. 
 
 "A point of time, a moment's space, 
 Removes me to that heavenly place, 
 Or shuts me up in hell."
 
 FANNr NEWELL. 209 
 
 I must close my long letter ; my full heart would 
 add much more ; but my lawful concerns will not 
 permit ; for I labor with my hands, in addition to 
 travelling with my husband ; and God is with me. 
 May the comforts of pure religion in this world, and 
 a seat in glory, be our happy lot. 
 
 My prayer to God for you is, that you may be 
 saved ; and we all meet in heaven. 
 
 F.N. 
 
 Sidney f June ISth. 
 Respected Friends, 
 
 With a grateful heart, I can inform you of our 
 safe arrival to this place. Our health is usually 
 good. Our children are in health ; and improving, 
 in knowledge and learning. may we be humble 
 and thankful. 
 
 "O for a heart to praise my God, 
 
 A heart from sin set free ! 
 A heart that always feels thy blood, 
 
 So freely spilt for me. " 
 
 And now permit me to inquire, how it is with 
 thee? Have you the direct witness of the Spirit — 
 God's Spirit, bearing witness with thy spirit, that 
 thou art a child of God, born from above? If so, 
 the Lord speed thee on thy pilgrim journey, and 
 bring thee safe to thy desired haven of rest. Or 
 do 1 hear you say, as before I parted with you, I 
 am shut up in darkness, doubts and fears ; sin and 
 guilt gather round my poor heart, and like a thick 
 cloud, shut me up in terror. Let me point you 
 to the friend of Sinners. " Behold the Lamb of 
 *18
 
 210 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 God, which taketh away the sin of the world !" O 
 remember this. He that cometh to God must be- 
 lieve that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them 
 that diligently seek him. Christ, in the days of his 
 flesh, required faith in those whom he healed. To 
 one he said, If thou canst believe all things are pos- 
 sible to him who believeth. To another, According 
 to thy faith, so be it unto thee. Again — Do you be- 
 lieve I am able to do this 1 Go wash in the pool ! 
 Stretch out thy withered hand. Lift up thy soul, 
 and pray with the disciple. Lord, increase my faith. 
 Rest not, until you are brought into the liberty of a 
 child of God ; and can say, Abba, Father ; and find 
 an evidence that your sins are forgiven, and the love 
 of God shed abroad in your heart, by the Holy 
 Ghost given unto you. Then you will have peace 
 that the world knows not of. 
 
 The veil of darkness will fall back. The City 
 which hath foundation will appear. Contemplation 
 will be sweet. Hope, like an anchor, will keep thy 
 soul. May the great Physician of souls, appear for 
 your help. O follow his directions, and you are 
 sure of finding rest to your soul. Farewell ; peace 
 and good will be with you. F. JN". 
 
 Extract of a letter from Thomaston to JVorthjwrt, 
 
 JMciine. 
 Respected Madam, 
 
 From a sense of duty, I ad bess you upon a sub- 
 ject of the greatest importance, the salvation of the 
 soul. The Holy Bible presents in various ways, a 
 Saviour, Christ the Lord ; and of all the means of 
 grace, secret prayer stands the highest in pure reli-
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 211 
 
 gion. " Ask and ye shall receive." The sacred 
 pages record many examples of shiners, which 
 show us the honor God has put upon the petitions 
 of his people. For what has not prayer obtained t 
 It has turned an angry brother, into a kind friend. 
 Genesis, xxxii. 26. The councils of the wise into 
 foolishness, 2 Sam. xv. 21. Shut up the heavens 
 from rain, 1 Kings xvii. 1. Stopped the course of 
 the Sun, Joshua x. 12. Raised the dead to life, 
 and has only been equalled in its effects by that faith 
 from which it first originated. 
 
 Yea, I cannot estimate the advantages deri- 
 ved from an attention to it. Other duties may be 
 entered upon from other motives ; but secret prayer 
 in the closet, lifting the heart to God, praying to our 
 heavenly Father who seeth in secret, — was an 
 indubitable mark given to Annanias of Saul's sincer- 
 ity ; " behold he prayeth !" Job says of the hypo- 
 crite, will he delight himself in the Almighty? 
 Will he always call upon God 1 But the Christian's 
 love draws him to the closet, for there the Lord 
 communes with him. Come and let us reason to- 
 gether, saith the Lord. Prayer talks with God. 
 Prayer is a means of keeping love, peace and joy 
 in the heart, even in the midst of the greatest trials 
 and perils. And no wonder for it is God's own 
 appointed medium. 
 
 Call on me in the day of thy calamity, and I will 
 hear. And you, madam, may obtain this in the 
 highest degree. For Paul saith, The same God 
 over all, is rich unto all that call upon him ; and 
 whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord, 
 shall be saved ! — let me pray, until prayer is lost 
 in praise. 
 
 F.N.
 
 212 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 Extract from a letter wntten to a dodress. 
 Mrs. N. 
 
 Indulge me m my expressions of love and affec- 
 tion for you. They cannot be erased while I have 
 my reason. You have given me a proof of your 
 care for my feeble body ; and it has been no small 
 consolation to me, while taking the medicine pre- 
 pared by your kind hand, that your prayers are 
 ascending to God on my behalf. I have no faith 
 in medicine, without the blessing of God. And he 
 can restore to health and life, with or without means. 
 But his ordinary way is with means. However 
 simple the medicine, mixed with faith and prayer, 
 will do more in restoring to heahh, than the most 
 skilful Physician, with the most powerful drug, with- 
 out faith and prayer. So you may learn, that I am 
 encouraged to trust in the living God, who is the 
 Saviour of all men, especially of those that believe. 
 
 O then bless the Lord with me, and let us praise 
 his name together. My health is much better than 
 it was, and I desire to lie hmuble at the adorable 
 feet of my Lord, that I may catch the healing 
 streams that flow from his bleeding side. With his 
 stripes I am healed. My soul is filled with a sense 
 of the goodness and love of God. He has regard- 
 ed the low estate of his handmaid, and brought me 
 through dangers, both by sea and land. He has 
 given me proof, that he can make rough places 
 smooth, and crooked places straight. 
 
 Through Christ strengthening me, I can do all 
 things. 1 have had much bodily weakness and suf- 
 ferings during my short life ; but God gives me 
 re -ignation. I am willing to do, or suffer, all his 
 holy will. 1 tenderly thank you for all your kind- 
 ness to me, Look for the promise which God has
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 213 
 
 made you. It is better than gold or silver. A few 
 more days and then he will come. Farewell. 
 May we meet in heaven. F. N. 
 
 Extract of a letter ivritten to a Brother and SiS' 
 
 ter B, 
 Dear Friends, 
 
 So I presume to call you; for I have learned 
 from your son and daughter, as also from your own 
 epistle that you are the friends of Jesus. Doubt- 
 less you know whom Jesus calls his friends. Now, 
 says he, ye are my friends if ye do whatsoever I 
 command you. Are you obeying the commands of 
 Christ? Are you walking in his ordinances'? Are 
 you going on to perfection? Are you now enjoying 
 his love? So am 1 ! — Do you feel the flesh war- 
 ring against the spirit ? and do you gain daily vic- 
 tories ? So do I ! — Have you a bright hope of 
 heaven ? So have I ! — Do you glory in the cross 
 of Christ ? Do you labor for the good of souls ? 
 Do you warn them publicly, and from house to 
 house with tears? Do you know how to abound 
 and how to suffer need? So do I ! — Have you 
 learned that good and great lesson, in whatsoever 
 state you are therewith to be content? I sometimes 
 fear I have not got it perfect, but I am striving, 
 wrestling and groaning that I maybe perfect and entire 
 wanting nothing. — Do you earnestly covet the best 
 gifts, and do you see the more excellent way and 
 desire not to be a whit behind the very chiefest of 
 the saints ? So do I ! — Do you long to go to heav- 
 en, and see all the glorified saints, and holy angels, 
 and Jesus Christ our great high Priest, who has
 
 214 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 passed into the heavens, and God the Father with 
 whom the Son is co-equal ]— To see all the glory 
 of the heavenly world is what I long for. — Do you 
 patiently wait for that hour when Christ shall say, 
 " Come home ye blessed of my Father, receive the 
 crown which I have purchased with my own blood. 
 Well then in your patience possess ye your souls, 
 
 "Religion bears our spirits up — 
 While we enjoy this glorious hope, 
 The bright appearance of our Lord; 
 And Jaitli stands leaning on his word." 
 
 When our work is done and we have finished our 
 course, God will sign and seal the warrant, and 
 send death to unlock the earthly prison, 
 
 " And let the ransom'd spirit go 
 To grasp the God we seek I" — 
 
 Yes, glory to God ! our happy spirits will rise on the 
 soft wings of angels, and be conveyed to the para- 
 dise of God. There, there we shall enjoy con- 
 summate blessedness in a world without end. Me- 
 thinks scene after scene new and glorious, will be 
 unfolded to our view, and we shall join in a song that 
 shall never close. John said, " And I saw as it 
 were a sea of glass mingled with fire and them that 
 had gotten the victory over the beast, and over his 
 image, and over his mark, and over the number of 
 his name, stand on the sea of glass having the 
 harps of God, and they sang the song of Moses the 
 servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, 
 great and marvellous are thy works, I^ord God Al- 
 mighty, just and true are thy ways ihou King of 
 saints." "After these things (said John) I heard" —
 
 FANNY NEWELL. 215 
 
 O John, what didst thou hear ? — I heard a great 
 voice of much people in heaven saying, Hallelujah, 
 salvation, and glory and honor and power, unto the 
 Lord our God." Transported with this view of 
 heaven and glory, I am lost in wonder, love and 
 praise. Yes I had almost forgotten that I was writ- 
 ing with pen and ink to mortal friends on earth ; 
 but fancied that we had all met in paradise. 
 
 Well, my friends, I trust through the grace of God 
 to be made partaker with the saints in bliss above, 
 and there see you face to face, where I shall be en- 
 abled to tell you more of the beauties of religion 
 than my mortal tongue can possibly describe. Go 
 on, ye pilgrims of the Lord ; the best of the land is 
 before you, and if you follow the Lord fully, as did 
 Caleb of old, he h&th said, " I will give it you for 
 an inheritance." Fear not, neither be dismayed, 
 for the Lord God Omnipotent will go with his ser- 
 vants through this dreary wilderness. Yes, he will 
 be a lamp to thy feet and a light to thy path. 
 
 What I have written I have written, hoping that 
 your time may not be spent in vain, while you read 
 these impressions from the pen of a stranger, 
 made in compliance with the request of your son 
 and daughter, J. and B. Partridge, with whom I 
 have formed a short but an agreeable acquaintance, 
 which I trust time nor distance will never efface Irom 
 my memory, until we renew our acquaintance in 
 paradise. 
 
 While you have been reading the above, doubt- 
 less you have judged me a Christian. So I pro- 
 fess, and can say. Lord, thou knowest all things, 
 thou knowest that I love thee. How, indeed, shall 
 I speak his praise. He is Immanuel, which is, be- 
 ing interpreted by St. Matthew, a Jew, and well
 
 216 MEMOIRS OF 
 
 acquainted with the Hebrew language, God with 
 us. what could we ask more ? What am I, 
 that God should dwell with me on earth ! I am 
 lost in the inquiry, Will God make a sinner holy ? 
 He will — my heart doth believe he will. Yea, I 
 shall be filled with all the fullness of the Love of 
 God. I thirst, I pant to prove, to know more fully, 
 the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of 
 glory. He does let me drink of the brook in the 
 way, before I reach the fountain head. Help by 
 your prayers to keep the prize in view, that I may 
 ever be running toward the mark, at which Jesus 
 directs us to aim. I am persuaded that the only 
 way to overcome sin and inherit all things, is by en- 
 joying uninterrupted communion with God. Even 
 now my soul rejoices in hope that God will perfect 
 what is lacking in me. O trust him with all your 
 lieaits — be vigilant in all things ; so shall you dis- 
 appoint the enemy, and bring glory to God. 
 
 And now I commend you to God and the word 
 of his grace, which is able to build you up and give 
 you an inheritance among all them that are sanc- 
 tified. F. N. 
 
 THE END.
 
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