'^^Sf'SS'^ ^^^u^^ S//^^^^^^ ««^^V'^'^^^^=**^*«^^^'^^^2— - I \ \ WEDDING GIFT, TO ALL WHO ARE EKTEEIXG THE MAHRIAGE STATE. EDITED BY OOTESWORTH PINCKNEY. ' The kindest and the loveliest pair, "Will find occasion to forbear ; And something every day they live To pity, and perhaps forgive." BUFFALO : GEO. H. DERBY & CO., PUBLISHERS. AUBUEN : DERBY, MILLER & CO. 1849. Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1848, By GEOKOF, C. RAXM & CO., in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Massacliusetts. Stercotj'pcrt and printed, by G. C. Rand & Co., S Cornhill, Boston, Moss. PREFACE, Love is an essential element of connubial felicity — not the effervescence of youthful passion, but a pure, fervent, and endurmg regard, that -will enable the man-ied pair to bear ^ith the imperfections of human nature, and overcome the trials of life. God saw it not best for man to be alone, and he gave him woman as his most fitting companion. Marriage is not, therefore, a mere commer- cial transaction — it is an institution for mutual happiness, and mutual profit, and its great end can never be answered where true and sincere love is wanting. Let me coun- sel, then, those entering into this holy and in- teresting relation, to guard well this cardinal point. And after the m^riage ceremony is passed, and the nuptial vm\-s shall have been exchanged, and the novelty of the married JLJ^iiiiiJZJ^JL life wears away, see to it, that the affections do not begin to lag — that coldness, or indif- ference, or^fretfulness do not invade the saiTctuary of the heart. Rest now upon your strong mutual regard, and let the affections that have been but recently kindled and cemented, grow stronger and stronger, as time and age may be given to you. In this little volume are many hints and suggestions calculated to promote the high- est interests of the husband and the Avifc in the various situations incident to the mar- ried state. The young married pair %\dll not always be young — they have entered upon a relation that will exist to the end of life ; — it is wise, then, to look to the end, note the way marks, and pursue the path that leads to happiness. It is believed that this humble effort will not be considered an unworthy offering by pastor, friend, or lover, to any who may be interested in the subject of its pages. C. P. f CONTENTS. Preface, 3 The Young Wife in her new Relationship,. . . . 9 As the Head of a Family, 11 As a Mother, 11 Cultivate a cood Temper, 12 Circumstances of Married and Unmarried Life, 15 A Happy Home, 16 Hints regarding Relatives, 18 Your Husband's Mother, 18 Your Husband's Sister, 21 Proper course for the Husband — Husband and Wife Independent Beings, 23 Keep your own Secrets, 25 Teil not your Griefs to the Opposite Sex, 26 On the Importance of Dress, , 28 Personal Appearance, , 29 Evils of Slovenliness, 30 A Correct Taste, 31 The Young Mother, 33 Joy of the Young Mother, 34 The Young Mother's Trust, 34 CONTENTS. Tlie Young Mother's Reflections, 35 Self-examination — Responsibility, 37 The Christian Mother, 39 A Mother's Vigilance, 42 Physical and Moral Training, 44 Woman's Responsibility, 46 The one Thing Needful, 48 Family Worship, 49 nencfits of Family Worship, 51 Home Influences, 53 Reasniiablcness and Moral Beauty of Family Worship, 55 Mode of Family Worship, 56 The Family, 58 Religious Instruction of the Mother, 58 How to preserve the Heart you have won, .... 61 Guard against Offences, 66 Love essential to Happiness, 67 The Married State an Emblem of the Heavenly, 68 Sources of Unhappiness, 69 Marriage and the Sabbath, 71 The M issionary 's Wife, 72 First Afiection, 74 Music and Love, 78 Marriage Hymn, 79 To Achsah, 81 Oberon to Titaiiia, 83 Ix)ve, Hope, and Beauty, 85 CONTENTS. / I will have no Husband, 86 Burning a Love Letter, 87 The Vow, 88 The Bride's Farewell, 88 When should Lovers breathe their Vows, 90 The Emerald Ring, 91 Cupid Captive, 92 Love, 93 The Lady's Yes, 94 The True Heart's Aspirations, 95 To my Wife, 97 The Bride of the Greek Isles, 99 Refusing a Dowry, 102 White Roses, ..» 103 The Bridal,... j|(ii 105 A Lassie's Meditations, 109 The Sailer Lover, 110 The Bridal, Ill A Northern Legend, 112 A Wife to her Husband, 113 Domestic Love 114 The Wife's Lament, 115 Husbands, 117 On a Marriage, 120 Home Endearments, 121 The Bridal Day, .-.. 123 Home Affections, 127 On Choosing a Husband, 128 THE WEDDING GIFT CHAPTER I. TO THE YOUNG WIFE ON HER NEW RELATIONSHIP. Remember, fair daug^hter of love, that by the holy ceremony in which you have just participated, you have taken upon you a title the most honorable amongst honorable titles, a title sanctified from the earliest days in the religious duties of civilized society. You are now become, in obedience to the ordinance of God, man's reasonable companion, and the end of your being is to assist him in the toils of life, to sooth him with tenderness, and recompense his care with soft endear- ments. 10 THE WEDDING GIFT. The being to whom you are now united has' selected you, above all other.% from the surrounding thousands of your sex, to preside over his house. He has made you the partner of his fortunes, and to your care has he entrusted the sum of his domestic happiness. The solemn vow which he has made at the altar, to take you for better or worse, and to cherish and love you in sick- ness and in health, testifies in the most forcible manner, the sincerity of his present attachment. And he has pledged the hap- piness of his future life, which no being would do, unless in the unbounded con- fidence of a judicious selection of the object of his aflections. Marriage is not the union of a day, a month, or a year ; but an union which will endure for many years, and which can be dissolved only by death. Consider, then, seriously, the responsibility of the state into which you have entered. THK WEDDING GIFT. 11 AS THE HEAD OF A FAMILY. The limited sphere in which you have hitherto moved, has now expanded into a wide field of usefulness. As the head of a family, you will be regarded as a pattern by those around you, and upon the superiority of your judgment they will depend for their guidance. Your domestics, if you be in such circumstances as to have them about you, wUl become insensibly, under your influence and direction, perfect or imperfect in their vocations, and useful or useless as members of society. Under your training, the due and proper discharge of their duties may be rendered a source of happiness to them ; by your disregard of your duties as a misti-ess, they may be rendered not only useless as servants, but restless and unhappy in themselves. AS A MOTHER. In the course of time you may become the mother of children, to whom you will 12 THE AVEDDING GIFT. Stand in the light of an infallible guide and example* unsullied by Jiabits which may prejudicially influence the character of youth, and free from every sentiment calculated to injure the cause of virtue. As their mother you will be the spring of their movements, and the regulator of their habits; and upon you mil chiefly depend their comfort and happiness. CULTIVATE A GOOD TEMPER. In the relation of wife a most important duty devolves upon you in regard to the mainspring of domestic felicity — temper. Till this important period of your life, your sole centre in this respect has been yourself However wapvard may have been your wishes, however discontented you may have been at times, the influence upon your temper lias only aff'ected yourself; but by marriage, two tempers are united, which, if they do not as accurately blend as nature will permit, the most unhappy consequences THE WEDDING GIFT. 13 will be the result. A proper training and conforming of temper, therefore, is an act of the very deepest importance. It is an operation which will require much reso- lution on your part, especially if nature has not given you an adequate share of pliancy and cheerfulness ; hut as the prize is inesti- mable, so must your endeavors be unceasing and strenuous. In courtship it has been remarked, that " the quarrels of lovers are the renewals of love ; " but the case is quite otherwise in the married state. Beware, then, of the first disagreement, beware of the first unkind word ; far better will it be for you to receive ten unmerited rebukes, than utter one unkind word. The fonner will give you a triumph over yourself, and an ultimate triumph over your husband; the latter will fill you with humiliation and regret. A good temper is an invaluable blessing, not only to the individual who possesses it, but to every being and object within its influence. It is like a healthy 14 THE AVEDDING GIFT. atmosphere, it promotes cheerfulness and elasticity of spirits in all around, and the most gloomy and discontented minds can scarcely resist its happy power. But the temper which casts this influence around it must not be confounded with that easy disposition which nature sometimes gives, and in which no feeling either pleasurable or other^nse exists, and which passes unmoved amidst those points of sensibility which constitute the charm of life. There are many circumstances to be taken into consideration in offering you this wholesome advice. You may be an only child, whose parents have indulged your little fancies from their warmth of affection ; you may be one of a family blessed by affluence and every indulgence, whose whims have never been crossed; or you may be one of a family who have been allowed to run riot and uncontrolled; to you, the surrendering of your least wishes may be a task apparently insurmountable and full of hardships. THE WEDDING GIFT. 15 THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF MARRIED AND UNMARRIED LIFE, ESSENTIALLY DIFFERENT. Remember, that the happiness of married life and of unmanned life are essentially dirterent ; in the one you reign ; in the other, you are governed ; in a filial point of view, you have no actual will of your ©"nTi. Asa wife you reign in your own household, and are regarded with consideration by those whom you visit, and by those by whom you are visited ; you are the cherished object of one who has attached you to himself by an indissoluble tie, to share his fortunes to the end of your lives ; who will partake in your sympathies, and make you participator in his own ; and whose pleasures will be in- creased by your enjoyment of them. No man would knowingly many a con- tentious, fretful, or discontented woman ; and rest assured your husband is not an exception to this rule. If then, these fail- 16 THE AVEDDING GIFT. ings constitute the defect in your character, how grievous to liim will be the deception which has been practised upon him in con- cealing the defect till it is beyond his power to help himself. How agonizing to him will be the first display of temper from a being whom he has considered as almost angelic ! A HAPPY HOME. AYhile engaged in the duties of life, your husband will of necessity meet with nu- merous circumstances to harass and dis- tress him, and for these harassments there is no solace like that of a happy home. The world will corrupt, home should refine ; the one even in the sober transactions of life, will present examples of craftiness, se'.f-interestedness, and laxness of moral principle; and even in its most alluring scenes of pleasure, will present only folly and vanity. By mixing with these, even without participating in them, your hus- THE WEDDING GIFT. band's mind will become cankered, and contract a rust which nothing can counter- act but the comforts of a well regulated and happy home. "When that home pre- sents a picture of virtue, innocence, and peace, none but a depraved mind can with- stand its influence. It is there his heart will acquii-e its moral lustre. How impor- tant, then, is it, that you should obtain that influence over his mind which shall prompt him to turn frequently from the world to your society for happiness and refinement. 18 THE AVEDDING GIFT. CHAPTER II. HINTS REGARDING RELATIVES OF THE HUSBAND AND OF THE WIFE. The solemnization of matrimony and the union of two hearts, as man and wife, does not of necessity constitute the union of the fiimilies of each party. This fact is deserving of deep consideration, inasmuch as it is not a rare occun-ence that conjugal happiness, if not entirely broken up, is deranged to a degree almost tantamount, by the jealousies of the two families. TOUR husband's 3IOTIIER. You will have been, previous to the celebration of marriage, received by the parents and friends of your husband in the light only of a select visitor, and as the THE WEDDIXG GIFT. 19 peculiar intimate friend of one of the family. The delegating to you of the authority which a mother exercises over a son tOl his marriage — an indefinable authority, wliich every good mother exercises over a good son — has probably never once flashed across the mind of your mother-in-law. She will consider him to the latest moment as her peculiar property, granted to her by the laws of nature; a being whom she has reared and nourished, and trained up to her i own mind, and whose daily progress she has watched with the most zealous affec- tion. She will, therefore, regard with in- stinctive jealousy every estrangement of that affection which has existed from the birth of her offspring. Now there are two points of view in which you must contemplate those feelings of affection, each of which will present to you a favorable vieAV. First, you must bear in mind the affections of a mother for her offspring. If she were a worthless 20 THE -WEDDING GIFT. woman, and not fit to be entrusted with the care and training of a child, she would not possess these jealous feelings of attachment. Secondly, you may rest assured that if a strong attachment exists between a mother and her son, it prognosticates favorably for your futui'e happiness ; for an affectionate son rarely, if ever, makes a bad husband. It may be said, then, that if you wish to obtain a partner in every way desirable as the companion of your future life, you must expect a jealousy on the part of his mother on your taking him from the home of his first and best friend. Seeing that such feelings are to be ex- pected, you must exercise your utmost circumspection, as happiness is the prize. We have before observed, that a good mother must merit your esteem ; endeavor, therefore, to engage her affections as the mother of your husband, and engage her affections also as a senior whose experience is worth having. As a chief means of THE WEDDING GIFT. 21 obtaining this end, form a resolution in your own mind to be pleased with her, and you will find that in this almost wholly consists the art of making yourself ac- ceptable. TOUR husband's SISTER. Another relationship also presents dif- ficulties equally perplexing with that above enumerated — it may almost be said more peqjlexing than the case of a mother, for the difficulty is multiplied by a multiplica- tion of persons — we allude to the sisters of your husband. It may so happen that death has deprived him of the affectionate pai'ent we have alluded to, and in this case the probability is, if he have any sisters, that they will reside with him under the same roof, and will have exercised the authority of his mother in the management of domestic matters. In this case you will have a more difficult course to pursue; first, because a sister cannot feel that affec- 22 THE WEDDING GIFT. tion and interest in the object of your choice which a mothei- does ; and second, being young, and not having had that intercourse with the world which persons of more mature years have, they will he subject to prejudices which will be seriously calculated to mar your happiness. In all these trying cases you must act -with firm- ness, with kindness, and Avith patience. The making of a rash and hasty inroad upon the preexisting arrangements of the household, must excite jealousy and ill feelings. You should endeavor to be guided by the standard of your own feel- ings, and a stiict adherence to this rule will put you in a tolerably sure path. A sensible woman "svill always know what she would wish and expect to meet under such circumstance?*, and any palpable deviation from such a standard she may justly consider as an infringement of her preroga- tive as a wife. THE WEDDING GIFT. 23 PKOPER COURSE FOR THE HUSBAND. In the case of jour husband's home having been managed by a maiden sister, or I by several, it would be the more delicate and j agreeable mode on your marriage, for him j at once to assign to you, in their presence, I the absolute control of his household, and I to communicate to you a proper line of j conduct as the fulfilment of his wishes. Such a plan would at once remove all unpleasantness as far as you are concerned, and should such a line of conduct not sug- gest itself to him, it will not be amiss, should you be placed in the case of necessity to propose such a com-se for his adoption. In all these straits and difficulties, how- ever, as in all the transactions of life — good sense and good temper will effect wonders. HUSBAND AND WIFE INDEPENDENT BEINGS. In closing our remarks on this head, we would observe, that a man and woman 24 THE AVEDDING GIFT. having entered into the holy state of wed- lock, immediately become independent beings ; the control of the parents on either side ceases, and no other person has or ought to have any influence whatever over either husband or wife. In using the term influence, however, Ave would not be understood to mean, that the affectionate advice of parents, Avhose experience is fre- quently invaluable, should be disregarded in matters where experience alone can be of service. By influence we mean the re- sult of that meddling interference which ofl[icious relatives Avill sometimes practise, and thereby set the husband and wife together by the eai-s, as it is commonly termed. Should it ever be the case that a slight ruffle of the temper takes place be- tween you (which God forbid), be assured that inteiference on the part of relatives is most injudirious, and cannot, by any possi- bility, do good. THE WEDDING GIFT. 25 KEEP YOUR OWN SECRETS. Should a passing cloud overshadow the sunsHne of your happiness, confine the fact within your own bosom, and within your own home, tUl it is dissipated by the return of reason. Any enlarge- ment upon it to relatives or friends will tend to foment it ; and you will be equally degraded in their eyes, as you must ulti- mately in your own, for having made the circumstances public. Should the fact of your having sought the advice of your friends become known to your husband, that mutual trust Avhich must exist betweeu you to render the mamed state a happy one, will be forever destroyed. Consider well, therefore, before you impart to a third pai'ty any disagreements that may take place in your home. Be rather solicitous to screen them from obsers-ation. The human heart is not generally hard, unless it is made so ; beware, then, of tampering with it. It mav be that there is much to 26 THE WEDDING GIFT, blame on your own part, though you can- not see it (for self-knowledge is in all cases most rare) ; and in the case of your friends deciding against you in any appeal which you may make to them, how painful and humiliating A\ill be your feelings ! TELL KOT TOUR GRIEFS TO THE OPPO- SITE SEX. One last remark we will make in con- cluding this chapter, to which too much attention cannot be paid. Should it un- fortunately be the case that extreme in-ita- tion of feelings drives you to impart your " griefs " to a third party, let not that third party be one of the opposite sex ; as the penalty of forfeiting the whole sum of your future happiness must be the issue of such a proceeding. A mutual friend — one whom you may each of you respect, may chance to call in when the warmth of feel- ing is upon you, and in the absence of your husband you may be led to ask his THE WEDDING GIFT. 27 advice, — an act which in cooler moments, your native modesty would recoil at. In taking this step you bestow on the person a confidence which no male person but your husband should possess under any circumstances, and should he be chaste as Joseph, he will consider that you are throwing yourself upon his protection, and the misery that will ensue will be of the most terrific description. It may be observed, in conclusion, that it is injudicious to seek advice under any circumstances we have enumerated. The appealing to others shows a weakness of character which will assm-edly be imposed on. A proper dependence on self is, thei-e- fore, the only point on which to rely, and from which any permanent satisfaction can be derived. 28 THE WEDDING GIFT. CHAPTER III. ox THE IMPORTANCE OF DRESS. In the days of youth, when the heart of woman yearns for an object on which to place its tenderest affections, who has not observed her solicitude to present her charms to the eye of man in the most at- tractive form ? How studiously does she then consider the most becoming colors in which to dress, and how anxious is she tliat the contour of her person should be set forth in the most becoming way. It is by this combined Avitchery that the eye of man is caught — it is by this influence that his heart becomes her possession — it is this judicious union of a graceful person with tasteful dress, that impresses her image upon his imagination, to be borne about THE WEDDING GIFT. 29 in his daily occupation, and to lead him home with talismanic efiect when the toils of the day are over. PERSONAL APPEARANCE. Mmj women too often seem to think, that the marriage ceremony having heen completed, there is no further need for that becoming adherence to the proprieties of dress, which have been in some degree a caiise of attraction. They fancy that they are then only married women, and by their negligence in their dress, openly confess that the art of love has been but an artifice, and their husbands the dupes. The grace- fully arranged hair, or tasteful cap is sup- planted till mid-day by the night-cap — the smart and cleanly moniing dress, surmounted by a neat lace collar, is ex- changed for the dishabille — the showy boot or shoe, and snow white stocking, gives place to the slovenly slipper ; and finally, oh sad catastrophe, the ardent lover 30 THE WEDDING GIFT. becomes the negligent husband — the com- fortable home, a desert. EVILS OF SLOVENLINESS. A woman wlio is wise should commune Avith herself deeply on this head. The effort which was an act of inclination before her marriage, she should consider as a point of duty afterwards ; nor should inattention to any thing agreeable to her husband give rise to the mortifying suspicion that the desire to please him is not so impelling a principle of action as he had supposed it might always be. Few husbands are indif- ferent to the personal appearance of their wives ; and still fewer there are who do not regard negligence in dress with even more disgust than perhaps it deserves ; though when it aiTives at its most aggravated state of slovenliness and Avant of cleanliness, it becomes a vice, and can scarcely be too much condemned. When this is percepti- ble in a wife, it requires no witchcraft to THE WEDDIXG GIFT. 31 foretell the approach of disorder in her family, and the loss of the esteem of her husband. Fatal, however, as this negligence may be to the peace and welfare of the husband and wife, its baneful influence does not always terminate here ; there may be children, there may be servants ; — a neg- ligent mother must have negligent children ; a negligent mistress must have negligent servants. This self-abandonment to negli- gence must influence the whole domestic circle, and must in the end affect not only the comfort, but the prosperity of the hus- band. The progress of ruin in such ca«es though slow, is certain ; and like the fatal passion of gambling, spreads its desolation when hope has fled. A CORRECT TASTE. Now, fair reader, there is a possibility that you have concluded that this chapter has been written by some Lothario, who 32 THE AVEDDING GIFT. would have a wife devote her whole atten- tion to the toilet, for the gratification of a fastidious and whimsical husband — and tliat it is intended you shall lay aside all re- gard for economy, industry, and household matters, to make yourself a mere puppet to please his eye. Far different, however, is the case. The suggestion here given is that a degree of taste should be observed by you in your attire, from motives of policy, and also from motives of economy Dress, it is true, may be considered as the criterion of a w^oman's taste. A moment's survey decides the question whether it be good or bad. If your husband perceives that fashion has not been servilely or im- plicitly followed, that peculiarity has been avoided, and simplicity preferred to splen- dor, the opinion he forms must be in favor of your taste ; and the supposition will fol- low that the good sense which directs your choice of attire, will have its influence over every thing of which you have the direction and control. THE WEDDING GIFT. 33 CHAPTER IV. THE YOUNG MOTHER. There is a deep moral connected with the joyful tidings that a child is born into the world. And joyful let us call these tidings, notwithstanding all that a morbid and miserable philosophy would teach about another human creature being sent into this world to sin and suffer like the rest. Yes, " joyful " let us call it, for the beneficent Creator himself has designed that there should be joy ; and nature attests that there is joy connected with this event, while the fond heart of the mother ac- knowledges in the smiles of her infant an overpayment of delight for all her solicitudes, her anxieties, and her fears, 3 34 THE AVEDDIXG GIFT, JOY OF THE YOUNG MOTHER. And why should not the mother rejoice ? Has she not become the possessor of a new nature, to whose support she can devote all the vast resources of her self-love without selfishness ? She has now an object pe- culiarly her own, for which to think and to feel — and not less, for which to suffer. It is with joy, that a new being is ushered into the world, to share its portion amongst the many in the mingled lot of human Aveal and Avoe — to enter upon a career in which it is but reasonable to indulge the hope of filling an honored place on the great theatre of life — of contributing its share to the sum of human happiness, and for enjoying in its turn the full exercise of all those faculties of mind and body AAith which so much happiness is connected. THE YOUKG MOTHER'S TRUST. Why should not a mother rejoice ? Have we so learned the doctrine of our Lord and THE WEDDING GIFT. 35 Savior, that we cannot trust to him the keeping of our earthly treasure 1 Surely there is infidelity of the most ungrateful kind in that spirit which believes, and yet knows not how to tnist. But there is both hope and trust in the mother's breast at that glad moment when she folds her infant j to her bosom ; for though she may herself have failed in judgment; and in will, ten thousand times, and fallen short in acts of duty almost beyond the hope of pardon, she looks into the guileless countenance of her child : and while tears of true repent- ance fall on its brow, she dedicates its young life, wdth all its growing energies, to a holier and more faithful service than she, with her weakness and way^vardness, has been able to pursue. THE YOUNG MOTHER'S KEFLECTIONS. Granting, then, that there is joy in the event of a child being ushered into life, and that such joy is founded chiefly upon a 36 THE AVEDDIXG GIFT. kind of indefinite hope Avhich fills the mother's breast ; granting, also, as one of om- first poets has beiiutifully said, that " The food of hope Is meditated action," the most natural inqtiiry, nay that which must necessarily follow in the mind of a rational woman, is, — for what shall I prepare my child ? Pending the solution of this most impor- tant question, it is more than probable that the mother's thoughts will go back to her own childhood. By the many retrospective glances she has thrown back in the course of her own life, she will no doubt have been able to perceive many defects in the man- agement and training by which she herself was conducted from infancy to youth ; and now, if ever, she looks seriously upon this picture with a fervent desire to ascertain the truth, to make out a faithful chart of the rocks and shoals upon which her own bark, may at different times, have nearly THE WEDDING GIFT. 37 suffered shipwreck, as well as the safe chan- nels through which she has at other times been enabled to pass unharmed. There are quiet hours permitted to al- most all before a mother enters again upon the active duties of life, during which this peculiar kind of retrospection might, and no doubt Is, carried on with lasting benefit to herself and her family. SELF-EXAMINATION — RESPONSIBILITY. But what is the young mother to do who has never cultivated the habit of serious thought, and still less that of self-exami- nation 1 By such, there is but one thing to be done, to begin to cultivate the^e habits now. Hitherto she may have believed that she was acting only for herself, and there- fore willing, to a certain extent, to reap the consequences of her own actions ; but now the consequences are strictly to another, and that other being almost deai-er than herself Upon her parents, her relatives. 38 THE WEDDING GIFT. nay, even upon her husband, she may have secretly thro-wTi the blame of many of her faults and deficiencies; but there can no blame be thrown upon another here. The field is open before her in which she is to act — the page is clear and vacant upon which she has to \M-ite ; whatever is Amtten there in the capacity of a mother, is Aviitten on her own responsibility ; whatever is done, is done for time and for eternity. There are cases occuring to all of us in which we do not take the trouble to decide whether we are right or wrong, simply because we deem the occasion of too little consequence to merit any seiious thought 5 or at all events, even while we feel we are a little wrong, we satisfy the claims of con- science by the plea that it is our custom, our habit, or a thing we must do because we have always done it. But in the training of a child this plea can never be allowed, because every thing is of consequence then, and the sins of omission in that most trying THE WEDDING GIFT. process tell as legibly upon the character under formation, as those that are more positive and direct, the mind of the child being less matured. From the duties of a mother there is then no escape ; and hence it follows, that if ever in the whole of a woman's life she is called to think seriously, it is when she first be- comes a parent. THE CHEISTIAN MOTHEE. To persons of candid minds, but chiefly to those who feel their own deficiency, and would be glad to profit by the experience and observation of others, I would in the true spirit of charity submit these pages, because it is to such I believe that the first experience of a mother's life will have many anxious feelings mingled with its joys. It is among this class especially that I have imagined the first thoughts of a mother to Avander back to her o^^•n child- hood, and to take a serious and impartial 40 THE WEDDING GIFT. survey of her o^vii past life ; to mark where she has fallen short or gone astray, by what temptations she has been most frequently overcome, and which have been the weak- est points in her character. But above all, I have imagined that the Christian mother would by pray6r and heai-tfclt dedication, commend her child to the cai-e and guid- ance of its Heavenly Father, in the hope that both it and its earthly parents might begin a new life more strictly devoted to his service and glory. It is by no means an unfrequent case, that as young people grow up, and find themselves either not so good or not so clever as they expected and wished to be, they reflect either secretly or operdy upon the management of their parents, who, they believe, might have made them better than they are. It is quite possible, too, that their pai'cnts might have been in fault, and they from their o^vn disciimina- tion, or from the general advance of society towai'ds a more enlightened state, do ac- THE WEDDING GIFT. 41 tually see the defects of tlieir over-straining, as those defects begin to tell upon their o\vn characters and conduct in riper years. All who have been led to think seriously on this subject have probably felt this, but it is not all who have an opportunity of show- ing how such defects may be remedied by training up others in a happier and wiser manner. Again, we are all more or less beguiled into a belief that it is too late to make any serious alteration in the habits which mark our private lives. Indeed, the fact that they are habits seems to stamp them to ourselves with a kind of excusability, though we lament over them in tones of contrition before our friends, and even be- lieve in our sincerity when w'e pray to be forgiven. But if w^e can thus excuse our- selves in a few secretly cherished faults, and if M'e are sometimes content to pui'sue our earthly pilgrimage under the pres- sure of the bm-den of which we still com- 42 THE WEBDING GIFT. plain, sui-ely the mother, in contemplating the future character of her child, will not alloAV herself to suppose that the same plea will be available here. No, neither ignorance nor habit, those too strong holds of the human soul, under which it so often takes refuge, fondly be- lieving that they Avill cover .a multitude of sins — neither the one nor the other will serve the mother's purpose now. What she has condemned in the management of the par- ent^ she is hound the more scrupulously to avoid in her own ; what she fancies she has grown too old to coiTect in herself; she has no excuse for not preventing in her cliild. A mother's vigilance. It is common, too, with motliers of the humblest capacity, as well as with the more enlightened, to observe with the most scrutinizing attention, the bodUy health of their children, believing that where no dis- ease exists there may still be tendencies in 1 THE WEDDIXG GIFT. 43 the constitution, and liabilities to certain ailments which maternal love is ever quick to detect in their first appearance, and which the mother seldom spares time or pains to arrest in their progress. In a manner not less certain, though less paJpable, does the human mind bring along with it seeds of disease, individual tenden- cies and peculiarities, certainly not less im- portant than those which belong more es- pecially to the bodily frame. AJl these it ought to be the care of the mother to search ; for, to detect, and to turn into a healthy j course; for, as in her care of the animal : frame, it is for the future she watches and - toils, in order that her offspring may be i healthy, active, and fit for all the useful | purposes of Life ; so it is for the future, and ; for one which extends far beyond what the body needs be prepai-ed for, that she has to cultivate the mind, the immortal part of her | chUd, and render it equal to a state of \ beatitude . i 44 THE AVEDDING GIFT. PHYSICAL AND MORAL TILVINING. It is not for any of the pui-poses of to-day, or even of the comhig to-mon-ow, that the child is practised in tlie art of placing one foot before the other, as in the act of walk- ing. It is not for to-day that the child is encoiu-aged to use its muscles, to grasp and to appropriate whatever is Avithin its reach, or at least whatever may be laid hold of without injury. If the present time were all we had to consider, most assuredly the less grasping and the less appropriation, the more easy and pleasant would be the office of nurse. Instead, however, of con- sulting her own case, the mother devotes herself \^^tll unremitting assiduity to the cultivation of the bodUy faculties of her in- fant, so tliat none of its organic functions may suffer from the want of exercise. If she discovers the slightest tendency to the contraction of a muscle, or the distortion of a limb, her whole being is absorbed by THE WEDDING GIFT. 45 apprehensions of the most distressing kind ; and all her energies are directed to the means of averting the evils she anticipates for the future. Is it thus, I would ask, on the first discovery of a tendency to impa- tience, to contradiction, or to revenge 'i It is probable that every positive exhibition of those wrong tendencies is proportioned to the good or evil temper of the nurse ; but as to the philosophy of sevei'e punishments, as well might a crooked limb be forcibly set straight every time it was seen out of place, as a perverse child be simply pun- ished every time it is ^vi-ong. There is no woman blind enough to sup- pose mere momentary coiTection mil be of any lasting use ; and why then should the mind, or in other words, the moral charac- ter, be treated with less reasoning and less calculation than its animal frame. 46 THE WEDDING GIFT. WOMAN S RESPONSIBILITY. Whence caii have arisen that most ab- surd and hifatuated notion, that a woman while young and unmamed may cultivate her mind and im^Drove her character to any extent ; but that as a Avife she has no need to advance any faa-ther, and as a mother she will do very well if she can but superin- tend the dressing and undressing of a baby. If, as regards the female sex, there should have been ground for the establishment of so eiToneous a belief, one would suppose that the simple fact of mothers having tlie training of boys as well as girls committed to their care, might sonietimes startle them into a consciousness of the vast amount of responsibility resting upon them. The single thought so alanuing in its spirit- stiiTing interests, that all the statesmen of the rising generation, all the ministers of religion, as well as all men whatever be their station in the world, will have received THE WEDDING GIFT. 47 as regards their moral and intellectual char- acters, their first bias, and often their strongest and their last, from the training and the influence of a mother, is a con- sideration that cannot be too deeply im- pressed upon the mind of the young, more especially those who have it in their power to profit by such thoughts. 48 THE WEDDING GIFT. CHAPTER V THE ONE THING NEEDFUL. There is one thing without which no person maiTied or single can really pros- per ; to which we shall devote a chapter ; and to which let us hope an adequate share of attention will be paid — we mean the strict observance of our daily duty to that Supreme Being to whom we owe our ex- istence and from whom all our happiness is derived. If it has been a regular practice before your marriage, it is not likely that you \vill be willing to abandon it at a tinie when your position has become more important, and your example more influential over society at large. THE WEDDING GIFT. 49 FAMILY WORSHIP. It may happen that the obsen-ance of family "worship has not been practised in the family of your husband, and in this case it will require a degree of caution which you, as a religious vnfe will well know how to use. It unfortunately hap- pens that Religion, which should be an honored and welcome guest in every house, is too generally under the necessity of being introduced by stealth at a side entrance, and endured as an intruder, rather than cherished as a loved friend. But tnie piety is a principle which leads us to honor God in every thing. It wiU have an influence upon us at home and abroad, in society and in solitude, upon common, as well as ex- traordinary occasions. It is this principle Avhich leads a Christian to exercise a religious care over his family ; and in this part of his conduct he shows not only the devout state of his affections 4 50 THE WEDDING GIFT. but likewise the soundness of his judgment Every wise man sees the necessity of ha'sdng some plan of domestic government, in order to preserve his house from being a scene of confusion and misery. And by what expedient can a Chiistian better ac- complish this pui-pose than by contriWng that every member of his family may feel the force of those principles by which he himself is made happy. In contemplating the head of a family thus devoted, how forcibly does the com- mendation given to Abraham appear to us. "I know him that he will command his children, and his household after him to do justice and judgment." And how reason- able a thing is it, that God should be honored in that community wliich derives all its comfort from him. In a family there are mercies received from God, of which all the members are equal pai'takers. How tit and becoming a thing is it, then, that all the members should join in acts of devout THE "WEDDING GIFT. 51 homage to their common Protector and Benefactor. BENEFITS OF FAMILY WORSHIP. The assembling eveiy day for this purpose is calculated to produce the happiest effects on the minds and conduct of our children and domestics. To recall the attention of a family frequently to the Supreme Being tends to impress the members of it with an idea of his authority, and of their depend- ence upon his providence. It holds forth religion to them as a duty, not only of oc- casional, but of daily obligation. The con- stant reading of the Holy Scriptures, the frequent imploring forgi\Tiess of sin, and petitioning for grace to act right towards God and man, imperceptibly convey into their minds a knowledge of the duties which they owe to God, to themselves, and to each other. "We find in families where religious order prevails, that there a knowledge of THE AVEDDlKCr GIFT. right and wi-oiig also prevails ; and al- though evil passions occasionally discover themselves, we do not see unrestroined vio- lence ; the good effects of daily instniction and daily worship are manifest in the tem- pers and conduct of the various members of our households, amid all their imperfec- tions. On the other hand, in those houses in which religious instruction is never heai-d, nor any act of devotion seen, we observe a deplorable ignorance of moral obligation. How unlikely is it that there should be a steady obedience rendered to man, where the fear of God is not taught either by precept or example. If therefore, we consult merely our own comfort, the best course we can pursue is to tread in the steps of those Godly men whose houses were consecrated by the daily performance of family worship. THE -NVEDDIXG GIFT. 53 HOME IXFLUENCES. Families are the nurseries of the State. Pai-ents, magistrates, senators and ministers of religion, were once children in a family ; and have probably brought with them into their important stations a strong tincture of the habits which prevailed in the home of their infancy. We retain the impres- sions which we receive in early life : and if they be not favorable to virtue, their cor- i-upt influence may be traced in the actions of a riper period. Licentious children be- come ungovernable men. From not being habituated when childi-en to reverence God and eteraal things, men are frequently found to gi'owup Avith a heathenish insensi- bility in matters of religion ; an insensi- bility which they discover amidst all the qualifications they have derived from a po- lite and liberal education. When to such persons a moral tnist is committed, it is easy to conjecture how it Avill be executed. 54 THE AVKDDING GIFT. Those who have truly christian minds feel a benevolent concern for the interests of society, and will have a regard to this in the management of those committed to their care. They will make it their busi- ness to send them forth to the world well principled, that when they are added to the mass of the people they may communicate to it a correcting influence which may tend to diminish and not to increase the too great quantity of evil which pervades it. Children and servants are influenced by what is always addressing itself to them. They judge of things not from what one man says one day of the week, but ft'om what every person is saying every day. The customs and liahits of a family are the things which form their opinions and their character ; and if among these there be no act which is intended to do honor to re- ligion, there is not only nothing done to carry on the design of the public religious instruction of the Sabbath, but many things which will defeat that design. THE AVEDDIXG GIFT. 55 REASONABLENESS AND MORAL BEAUTY OF FAMILY WORSHIP. The importance of family worship is fre- quently overruled by the ridicule which the wicked and licentious choose to cast upon it. But is it becoming a man of sense and seriousness to suffer himself to be stopped in what he believes will contribute to the honor due to God, to the improvement and happiness of his children and servants, and to the benefit of society, by some thought- less observer who never sat dowm seriously to consider what he chooses to ridicule. The most solemn and approved things may be made sport of by some ; but let us' consider how they are regarded by others. Is it not a beautiful sight to see a pious man collect his household around him — open his Bible — read distinctly and rev- erently a portion of that holy book, and then kneeling down with them, thankfidly acknowledge the blessings which he and his 56 THE AYEDDIXG GIFT. fixmily have received, and humbly implore the continuance of the divine mercy. This, however it may be misrepresented by thoughtless men, is without doubt in the sight of God a dignified spectacle, and of most salutary effect. MODE OF FAMILY W^ORSHIP. A few hints as to the mode of practising family worship may here not be out of place. In the first place then, let the master of a house remember that the more pleasantly family worship is conducted, the better it will be for the interests of religion; pro- vided however that we do not in endeavor- ing to render it agreeable, let it sink to the level of an unmeaning _ qbservanee. To prevent Avcariness, long services should be avoided. A well chosen hour for family prayer is of great importance. An hour at which the greatest number can attend, which is least liable to interruption, and THE WEDDING GIFT. i) i at which the members are most capable of attention, is the hour to be chosen. The hour being fixed, let it never be varied ; punctuality is essential to order. In the discharge of so sacred a duty as that of religious worship, every thing is of importance. The manner therefore in wliicli it is performed by him who conducts it, deserves some consideration. Let it be free from such habits as indicate want of j i-everence or dissipate attention. Delivei'i/ ! ought particularly to be attended to. Let him who leads in family worship be con- I cerned to render it both solemn and engaging. Among our visiters there may be one who has been so unhappily educated as j never to have been present at the perform- I ance of family worship, and to him such an observance may appear merely a kind of sectarian peculiarity. On the arrival of such a person, orderly families liavc sus- pended their usual worship. But far l^e 58 THE WEDDING GIFT. such a mean accommodation from the con- duct of a christian ! No, let the stranger see how we live — Avhat regard we pay to an invisible eye — and where we ground our best hopes. THE FAMILY. In conclusion, let there be a mixture of devotion, instruction, government, and example, in the superintendence of a family. Let these go hand in hand; and while they support each other, they will give stability and comfort to the house in which they are exercised. It will be the abode of peace. In the superiors will be seen authority tempered with kindness ; among the inferiors, sobriety, fidelity, in- dustiy and frugality ; and among all.,