THE AUTHOR OF 'THE REAL DIARY OF A REAL BOY n lil&ilkiilttAfiMIBAttMKItkU^ ■-jwkHiwwitfjajb^ REAL BOYS Being the doings of Plupy, Beany, Pewt, Fuzzy, Whack, Btig, Skinny, Chick, Pop, Pile, and some of the girls BY HENRY A. SHUTE Author of "The Real Diary of a Real Bov," "Sequil," etc. ILLUSTRATIONS BY F, R. GRUGER G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY PUBLISHERS NEW YORK. Real Boys Copyright, 1905, by HENRY A. SHUTE All Rights Reserve, Entered at Stationers' Hall Issued August, iQos Press of J. J. Little & Co. Astor Place, New York TO THE YOUNG LADY WITH THE PIGTAILS THE PUG NOSE AND THE CHEERFUL DISPOSITION MY DAUGHTER NATHALIE THIS BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED HENRY A. SHUTE TO MY READERS "Were any of you born in New England, in the good old cate- chising, church-going, school-going, orderly times?" — Stowe. IN bringing these sketches before the pubh'c in book form, I have been greatly influenced by the unexpected favor with which other books of mine, relating to the same characters, have been received, and by the many letters from those who professed a desire to know something more of Plupy, Beany, Pewt, and the others. The books already issued were written from a boy's point of view. This book is from a man's point of view, but, I trust, a man who has not forgotten and never will forget a happy boyhood in a delightful old New England town. Many of the characters, who appear before the public under their true names and nicknames, and, I may also state, in their true light, are still living, and all are, strange as it may seem, my friends. With them I passed many of the happiest and most eventful days of my life, and by the recital of some of these events I hope to inter- est you. Henry A. Shute, Exeter, N. H, June I, 1905. REAL BOYS CHAPTER I "I know it's folly to complain Of whatsoe'er the fates decree; Yet, were not wishes all in vain, I tell you what my wish would be; I'd wish to be a boy again. Back with the friends I used to know; For I was, oh ! so happy then — But that was very long ago." — Eugene Field. One Saturday afternoon in March, i86 — , a small boy, twelve years old, was busily engaged in arranging a miscellaneous collection of small wares in a shed in the rear of a substantial frame house on Court Street, in Exeter, a little village near the coast line in southern New Hampshire. The youth in question was absorbed in his task, and had evidently worked hard and faithfully to establish himself upon a firm business basis, and 9 REAL BOYS was anticipating retail transactions of a most grati- fying nature. In front of the shed a smooth board bearing the inscription, Fansy Goods and SwEATENED Water." — Harry Shufc. had been nailed up by dint of vigorous but unskil- ful use of a hammer, as the dents in the wood sur- rounding the nail heads plainly showed; while the elaborate nature of the inscription indicated that however painstaking the young merchant had been in his efforts towards legibility, his spelling was not all that one might have wished. Within the shed a long plank, propped up at both ends by empty barrels, did triple duty as counter, bar and show-case combined, while the rough pine walls were nearly covered by a most amazing assortment of gaudy and impossible wares, fastened with large pins and small tacks. Jacob's ladders, cunningly manufactured out of long strips of colored paper pleated together; snappers, of oblong sheets of whitey-brown paper, lO REAL BOYS and folded in such a manner that when taken by one end and vigorously snapped they would straighten out with a loud pop (it is worthy of remark here that the first and last blank sheets of " Godey's Magazine " in its old form made the best snappers); cocked hats, made of ingeniously folded sheets; paper boats, the result of the same process carried one fold further; fly boxes, of stiff sheets of old copy-books, this invention a triumph of mechanical art, and I am glad to say not a lost one at this late day; pictures cut from the mag- azines and the " Police News," and framed in colored and gilt paper ; and, lastly, a wretched and remorseful looking pitcher with a large bite taken out of its rim, and filled with about a gallon of sweetened water, the quality of which depended upon the persuasiveness or predatory ability of the proprietor of the establishment in accumulating the necessary ingredients. The pitcher had been carefully placed at a safe distance from the counter, as the wide-awake mer- chant evidently distrusted the self-restraint of the improvident among his customers. Underneath the counter, and likewise removed from public gaze and reach, stood a large box, IX REAL BOYS partly filled with bolts, nails, scraps of old iron, lead and steel. It was evident from the contents of the box that business had been brisk, and, indeed, the boy had scarcely finished his task and arranged his goods for public inspection, when loud whoops were heard in the street, and several boys noisily entered the yard and clamorously ordered cigar- ettes. While I am glad to say that the tobacco abomi- nations of the present day were not then on the market, still candor compels me to state that a considerable variety of more or less nauseous com- pounds were in stock, and were cheerfully pro- duced by the salesman. The choicest brands of sweet fern, hayseed, grapevine, rattan, corn-silk, and mullen leaf were on sale at prices ranging from three to ten nails each. Sweet fern commanded the maximum price, as delicate in flavor and mild in effect ; rattan came next, the scarcity of material keeping the price up, while the concentrated villainy of its taste, and the common belief that it dried up the blood of the smoker, tended to make the sales rare and the market somewhat unsteady ; while hayseed, corn- silk and mullen leaf were very cheap, as the mate- 12 REAL BOYS rials were easily produced and the flavor not par- ticularly exhilarating. Only the most reckless youths attempted to smoke rattan, and they basked in the evident admiration of their less seasoned companions, w^hile their mouths tasted as if they were lined with hot ashes. After the youthful customers had made a care- ful selection of the choicest brands, a modicum of sweetened water was ordered and drunk, and when the necessary payments were adjusted, which was not effected without an acrimonius dispute 13 REAL BOYS with one parcliaser, who was detected in the at- tempt to pass counterfeit money, that is to say, sheet iron, that article not being legal tender, the cigars were lighted, and a general conversation ensued. " Say, Fatty," said one, addressing a light-com- plexioned, corpulent lad, more fashionably attired Ihan the rest in a short reefer, blue trousers and rubber boots, " have you seen Pewt Purington's store? He's got some Jacob's ladders made outer gilt and silver paper, and some of the bulliest fly boxes I ever seen. He charges more'n Skinny does." Skinny was the young merchant before described, whose painfully spare proportions only too clearly indicated the origin and startling ap- propriateness of the name. " Well," said the fat youth, whose name was Ned Oilman, " Pewt is a fraud anyway. He skins ycu every time you trade there, and his sweetened water ain't half so good as Skinny's, an' he don't more'n half fill the glasses, 'n charges ten nails and won't count crooked ones." " That's so," rejoined the first speaker, John, who rejoiced in the sobriquet of " Bug " Chadwick. " Beany Watson went into partnership with him 14 REAL BOYS last spring, 'n they had a bully store in Pewt's shed, 'n had a big trade, and they failed, and Beany said it was all Pewt's fault." " Well, you ought to hear Pewt's side before you lay the blame on him," chimed in a quiet and pleasant-faced boy, known to his friends as " Pot- ter " Gorham, why " Potter " nobody could ever give a satisfactory reason. " Pewt said that Beany drank up all the sweetened water, and what they gained on cigars and other things they lost on sweetened water, and that Pewt had to furnish all the molasses, and when they settled up Beany owed him." " Well," said Fatty, " they agreed to leave it out to Nipper Brown, because he was a good arithme- ticker, and Pewt backed out." " Yes, but after Beany had agreed he laid for Nipper and told him he would Hck time out of him if he didn't decide that Pewt owed him thirty-five cents," retorted Potter. " Oh, now," said Fatty, " Pewt had invited Nip- per to supper and treated him to corn balls, and Beany knew it." " How did they settle it ? " queried Skinny, as 15 REAL BOYS he finished draining a mottled teacup without a handle. " Did they have a fight? " " No, Beany stood over on his side of the street, and Pewt on his side, and they stumped each other to come over, and neither would come. They didn't speak to each other for nearl}^ a week, and then made up and sold out to Medo Thurston and went snacks." " Pewt is a good fellow in the woods," added Potter, " and sees everything. He found the only oven bird's nest that has been found for two years." i6 REAL BOYS " Hullo ! " suddenly cried Fatty. " Here comes Whacker, Puzzy and Tomtit," as three alert youngsters entered the yard, having sent a few tentative snowballs to announce their approach, adding an occasional hideous yell, in case the snow- balls left some uncertainty in the minds of those assembled around the bar. Whacker and Puzzy, who were known in the family Bible as Alfred and Austin, were Chadwick boys, brothers of the guileful Bug. Whacker was an extremely straight, slight and dignified boy, and derived his name from the effect that a little couplet had on him. This little couplet was of a slightly personal nature. " Chaddywhacker chew tobacker. If you die it ain't no matter," and was a challenge that Whacker always accepted, whenever the scoffer's prowess was not too marked. Puzzy had been christened so for no apparent reason. The last of the trio, Roswell Thomson, owed his appellation to a grievous error in loudly proclaiming on " speaking day " in school the little nursery rhyme, 2 17 REAL BOYS " Tommy Tommy Titmouse Lived in a little house." Alfred, who had undergone severe physical cas- tigation at the hands of his teacher in school that morning, was at once saluted by derisive shouts of " Whacker got Hcked, Whacker got licked," ac- companied by pantomimic writhing and contor- tions expressive of great anguish, by his com- panions. " Ow, now, cheese it, fellers," said Whacker, coloring a ruddy hue. " Fatty was licked every day this week, and you didn't holler at him." " 'Tain't so," shouted the irate Fatty. " I didn't get licked Tuesday." " Well, you got licked twice Wednesday, any- way," insisted Whacker. " Heuh, I didn't howl like you did," sneered Fatty. " You howled good when you tried to crawl through a chair yesterday. 'F I was so fat I couldn't crawl through a chair without gittin' more'n two whacks I wouldn't say much," retorted Whacker contemptuously. " Who yer callin' fat ? " roared Fatty. " You," piped Whacker, undauntedly. REAL BOYS Whereupon Fatty walked deliberately up to his small but determined opponent and roughly shouldered him out of the path. Whacker va- liantly returned the shove with interest. " Paste him one, Fatty," shrieked Bug, de- lighted with the prospect of a fight, and utterly regardless of the ties of blood relationship. " Lend him one in the eye, Whacker," urged Skinny, otherwise known as Plupy, cautiously emerging from beneath the counter, his counte- nance beaming at the delightful prospect. " Oh, hold on, fellers, what's the use of fight- ing?" remonstrated Potter, the pacific, trying to get between the belligerents. " Let 'em alone, Potter. Give 'em a fair show," yelled Tomtit, dancing with excitement, as the two squared up to each other in true sporting style, with many " Aw, nows " and " Would yees " and other expressions indicative of fell design on their part. What the result of the fight might have been was never known, for a vigorous rapping at the window caused the pugilists to quickly drop their belligerent attitudes, and playfully seize each other and try to wash faces in the snow, while the dis- 19 REAL BOYS appointed youngsters, to complete the deception, cheered them on, and laughed with well dissembled enjoyment. Then Potter, with the best of inten- tions, ordered refreshments anew, and Plupy blithely crawled beneath the counter, hitting his head an appalling bump in the transit, and peace prevailed once more. " Tell yer what le's do," said Bug, yearning for excitement, " It's just bully snowballin', Le's go down to the library buildin' an' plug stewed cats," this being the euphonious name by which the students of Phillips Exeter Academy were known, between whom and the townies there was always a state of war. 20 REx\L BOYS This proposal was received with loud acclaim. The boys rapidly and skilfully iirade and stowed away snowballs about their persons until they looked as hunchy as bags of marbles, while Plupy closed the emporium, and locked it by leaving a piece of joist against the door. Having completed these hasty preparations, the boys departed on the run, as Plupy's mother called from the window, " Harree-ee, be sure and split your kindlings be- fore dark," which we maybe equally sure Harree-ee forgot completely in the exciting times that fol- lowed. 21 CHAPTER 2 " Oft round my hall of portraiture I gaze, By memory reared, the artist wise and holy, From stainless quarries of deep-buried days." — Lowell. The scene of the events described was in the beautiful town of Exeter, in southern New Hamp- shire, situated about ten miles from the sea-coast. Its stately, old-fashioned mansions, gable roofed, and shaded by gracefully drooping elms, spoke well for the quiet and cultivated tastes of its citi- zens. Its busy factory, its machine shops, its sub- stantial row of business blocks, argued a solid busi- ness foundation for its evident wealth and pros- perity. Situated at the head of tide-water, it boasted wharves, a fleet of small fishing and coast- ing vessels, and a nondescript sort of coaling craft, indigenous to this particular stream, and known as the gundalow. Emptying into this broad and shallow basin, a deep, winding and most beautiful stream flowed 22 REAL BOYS through the centre of the town, and lost itself in tortuous turns amid velvety meadows and groves of pine, hemlock and oak. The river was the divid- ing line between the east and west halves of the town, formerly known as " Hemlock Side " and " Pine Side." Between the residents of these there had once been deep jealousy and much bitter feel- ing, which, in the case of the boys and young men, had frequently culminated in pitched battles be- tween the massed forces of both sides. At the time of which I write this feeling had died away, and was only remembered as a tradition, a matter of local history, undeniably true, and not particularly creditable to the town. How this feel- ing was subsequently reawakened to bitter and short-lived intensity I shall relate in the course of this story. The town lay in a pretty valley, walled in by green and wooded hills, from the summits of which nothing could be seen in summer save a few white church steeples towering above a mass of dark green foliage. Flowing into the main fresh river from different points were three beautiful brooks, known as " Cove Brook," " Little River " and " Great Mea- 23 REAL BOYS dow Brook," clear, shady streams, abounding in perch, pickerel, sunfish, shiners and huge snapping turtles. Along these streams gaudy kingfishers, small green herons and huge blue herons peopled the shallow coves in the long summer days. In the winter the frozen surface of the main river and its tributaries was alive with skaters, and in the cold, crisp evenings was aglow with bonfires, which were lavishly fed by the windfalls from the abutting woods. In the early spring the swollen stream, disdaining banks and barriers, roared like the March wind, bearing on its swirling eddies huge floes of ice, which, crowding, crushing and breaking into a thousand fragments in their mad rush over the upper dam, and on the rocks and rapids between the three bridges, caused grave ap- prehensions for the safety of these structures, and exercised a horrible fascination over the small boys of the town, who used to watch the stream for hours and speculate on the chance for life a boy or man would have in the rushing, icy waters. To the east of the town extended a rich and fertile slope of ten miles to the sea-coast, to which hard, smooth and level roads led to superb white beaches, and rocky headlands that commanded a ?4 REAL BOYS magnificent view of the coast line from Ports- mouth to Cape Ann. The citizens loved the town, believed in its tradi- tions, its past, exulted in its present and gloried in its future. Phillips Academy was the source of much boastful comment, and, to tell the truth, was perhaps the one thing that made the town famous as an educational centre throughout the entire country. That the Academy was famous every citi- zen would agree; to the proposition that the town became so only in the reflected glory of the Acad- emy every native born and loyal citizen — and I am glad to say that a native born citizen of Exeter who is disloyal is a vara avis indeed — would enter a most vigorous dissent, and would argue the same forcibly, obstinately and to the bitter end at any and all times. What ! Did not the Continental Congress as- semble here? Did not the tax rioters do great deeds " in the brave days of old? " Shades of our old families, the Gilmans, the Smiths, the Odlins, the Bells, the Sullivans, whose descendants still treasure up remarkable collections of priceless rel- ics of their forbears' participation in the wars of the Revolution and of 1812! The Academy! 25 REAL BOYS Zounds ! Did not the town enjoy nearly two hun- dred years of unexampled prosperity before the Academy was founded, and did she not challenge the respect and admiration of the whole country? Even as I write I feel a thrill of the same jealous pride in my town that prompted me as a boy to vigorously " plug " the unhappy academy student, and to yell shrill encouragement to the " townie " who came into fistic collision with him. And thus there was always war between the student and the townie, war without special ill-feeling, without malice, but still war, especially in the snowball, green apple, or over-ripe cucumber season. And yet the little townies admired and imitated the students, ran after them, did their errands, car- ried their surreptitious notes to the town girls, boasted of the prowess of individual heroes and looked forward to the time when they could be students. Yea, some of them preferred the life of a student to that of a hackman, which was the normal ambition of every Exeter boy. And so when our young friends departed so hastily, loaded down with hard snowballs, you may be sure there was no malice, hatred or ill-will rank- ling in their boyish bosoms, but merely the true 26 REAL BOYS spirit of adventure which should animate every live boy. It was in the good old days when men of substance wore black broadcloth frock coats of wondrous sheen and velvety softness, and light, almost white, trousers, which hung in folds about their manly legs. When lofty, and oft-times shiny, domes of thought were surmounted by tall beaver plugs of great price, while their feet were brave in closely fitting calfskin boots, which were always kept in the highest state of polish. Their mouths were smoothly razed, presenting an astonishing expanse of almost prehensile upper lip; their beards opulent in the extreme; their hair, when copious, combed into a fold or wave on the top of the head, and elaborately parted in a straight furrow down the back of the head, and brushed forward toward the ears. When sparse, it was al- lowed to grow long and stringily on the sides, and then brought upwards and smoothly pasted over the shiny spots, in the well-meant intention of de- ceiving the critical gaze of the public, which device, however, only made the defect more dreadfully ap- parent. These worthy men never seemed to have any- thing to do beyond standing in the doorways of 27 REAL BOYS grocery stores, at times when the local photog- rapher, or daguerrotyper, saw fit to immortalize the establishment. Occasionally one might be seen with a square- edged, yellow, polished stick covered with lines and figures, which he carried under his arm, and occa- sionally laid it across logs in the mill-yard, re- moved his hat, mopped his brow and entered cer- tain memoranda in a yellow pocketbook. Next to their passion for basking in the admiration of the public, and the open-mouthed and wide-eyed awe of the youngsters, their sole ambition in life appeared to be to have their pictures taken. One is before me now, gazing at me from an old- fashioned photograph, with an expression in his face never before seen: an expression in which pride, shame, determination, uncertainty, joy, de- spair, complacency and anxiety are blended. He sits in a straight-backed mahogany chair, that chair you and I have seen so often, that chair with the bunches of grapes adorning its vulnerable parts, that chair whose shiny horsehair covering used to hide needle-like pricks to torture our small legs, when with pride and affection beaming from her sweet old face our grandmother lifted us into its 28 REAL BOYS uncomfortable lap, and with her forefinger raised stood by while we paid an involuntary tribute to art, and enriched it with our speaking images; that chair — but there was but one, and but one photog- rapher, and both are gone. But their counterfeit presentments stare at you from the pages of old albums, and you stare back, and smile, often with tears. In the picture there is another article of furni- ture, alike immortal, a hard, round-topped table, upon which the tall hat lies in state. On his knees lies a heavy, brass-bound book, from which a gilt book-mark with fringe pours forth and mingles with the many folds and pleats of his trousers, prodigal in cloth. And thus does he remain for- ever with us, and by his pictured presence enrich memory. Their good wives, our grandmothers, though less given to daguerreomania, are still to be seen in albums of the past, occupying positions of great prominence, great stiffness and martyr-like en- durance. They wear their hair smoothly parted, and brushed in waves over their ears. They wear lace collars and stiff black silk dresses with volu- minous sleeves. At their throats are lockets con- 29 REAL BOYS taining the hair of persons who have died, persons whose pictures sometimes appear in the daguer- reotypes of an earher period. They look old, much older than when we knew them, and much older than they ever did in later years. They were delightful old ladies, who wore dol- mans with beads, and lace mitts, and cloth shoes without heels, and carried steel-beaded reticules with peppermints therein. And when they rode in state they screened their faces from the sun with long-handled, jointed sunshades about the size of a saucer. And they entertained in the most delightful fashion, and their suppers were always of raised biscuit, sliced chicken, currant jelly, preserved pears and seed-cakes. This was the time when the young man, in gala attire, sported the slouch hat, very much on one side of his well-oiled head, the short velvet coat, the gray trousers, tucked into his boot-legs; when the young woman of fashion wore the mammoth and dreadful waterfall, with its two long curls hanging on the shoulders ; the balmoral boots and the plaid shawl, the coral earrings and the heavy 30 REAL BOYS bracelets, and bent her back into the hideous " Grecian Bend." The time when one could acquire a prodigious roll of legal tender by the simple process of chang- ing a five-dollar bill into ten-cent scrips, and when the large copper cent was even then current in sufficient numbers to make literal holes in the pockets of its possessors, and when the postage stamp currency of war time was a recent memory. Romani fuenmt. 31 CHAPTER 3 " So high at last the contest rose, From words they ahiiost came to blows." THE BATTLE. Arrived at the library, which was at that time located in the old town building on Court Street, they were joined by a round-faced, plump boy, who came bolting out of a small house with great pre- cipitation, and who was welcomed with loud shouts of " Here comes Beany Watson," '' Beany is com- in' now, fellers." "Hi, Beany! Seen any stewed cats?" " You fellers had jest oughter been here about ten minutes ago," said Beany. " Cutler an' Sloan come along, and me an' Pewt plugged 'em, and Pewt hit Sloan right in the ear with a hard one, and they chased us up Maple Street, and in through old Fifield's yard, and out back of the Unitarian church, and caught us and washed our faces good and rolled us in the slosh. I just changed my clothes, an' Pewt has gone home to 32 REAL BOYS change his. Here he comes now," he added, as a thin-faced boy came over the fence, stopping oc- casionally to squeeze a snowball between his knees with such vigor that he made preposterous faces. The entire force having arranged their snowballs in convenient piles, crouched low behind the snow- banks that lined the sidewalks, and waited with a patience that would have been a credit to Isaac Walton. It was not long, however, before a tall, thin, spectacled student came walking toward the library with such briskness that his coat tails flapped in consonance with his stride. As he passed under the large elm tree in front of the building, a snowball whizzed by his head and struck the tree with a spattering crash. Instantly he ducked and wheeled about. Nothing was to be seen, the high, discolored snow-banks affording perfect shelter for the boys. After a searching glance around, and a few ominous remarks, he turned to enter the building, when a missile thrown by the master hand of Bug took him between the shoulders with a startling thud, and a perfect hail of balls rattled around his head as he, like a pru- dent youth, bolted into the welcome shelter of the great barnlike doors. 3 33 REAL BOYS A second and third unfortunate were treated in the same manner, and with discretion born of long and bitter experience in the ways of townies, es- caped with slight injuries. In a moment a group of five or six students approached, and the boys prepared for warfare of the most vigorous descrip- tion, when Professor Cilley came out of the library, and having pleasantly accosted the students, crossed the street near the spot where our young friends lay in wait. Dire was their dismay and deep their disgust at the loss of so good a chance, but with the idea of actual hostilities when the students came out they prepared a perfect maga- zine of ammunition, which they hardened by press- ing between their knees or under their arms. While thus engaged, behold a gorgeous youth, arrayed like the lily of the field, with his ambrosial locks breathing sweet odors, came tripping. Brad- ley, Bradley the Pompous, Bradley the Senior, Bradley the youth much given to personal adorn- ment and worship at the shrine of the fair maidens of Exeter. As this tempting mark approached, the nerves of the young warriors tingled with ex- citement, and as he came opposite the ambuscade he received a volley. 34 REAL BOYS With commendable courage, but with an utter lack of discretion, owing- perhaps to the fact that Tomtit's snowball had burst into chocolate-colored pulp full in his polished shirt bosom, he dropped his books and cane, gathered a double handful of snow without removing his kid gloves, and rushed in the direction from which the snowballs came. This was the reward for which the boys had so patiently Vv^aited. Forth from their hiding place they rushed with yells of delight, and from all sides poured a fusillade of hard balls upon the almost defenceless Bradley. " 111 fared it then with Rhoderick Dhu When on the ground his targe he threw." Bradley made blind and ineffectual rushes at his small opponents, who easily avoided him, and from behind inflicted dire punishment upon his head, back and shoulders. Yea, even the plump and comely legs, encased in tightly-fitting lavender trousers, received a generous share of attention as shining marks for particularly hard and stinging missiles. Matters were becoming serious, when there was a shout and a banging of doors at the library, and 35 REAL BOYS a half score of students came rushing to the rescue. And now the victors were put to great straits to avoid reprisals, and scattered like a flock of par- tridges, and owing to their more intimate knowl- edge of fences and back yards and alleys made good their escape. All, alas! but Fatty and Plupy. The former, whose over-robust proportions were not conducive to speed in flight or scandatorial ability in shinning fences, and the latter, whose attenuated legs were wobbly and unreliable, were quickly overhauled, were soundly cuffed, their faces washed in muddy slush and their necks filled with snow, despite their kicks, struggles and incendiary remarks. While these indignities were being perpetrated upon the persons of these worthies the other boys had not been idle. Although they had retreated, and retreated with such abruptness that Puzzy, in climbing a picket fence, had been caught on a picket, and had only saved himself from the dread- ful fate that had overtaken Fatty and Plupy by leaving a segment of his trousers on the fence, yet they were not conquered. Far from it. They had simply executed a flank movement, and scarcely had the students finished the execution of their vic- 36 REAL BOYS tims when another broadside was poured upon them from behind fences. Again they charged, and again did their wily foes escape, only to renew the attack as the students moved off up the street. And now rein- forcements were at hand, for down Maple Street came on the run, with a prodigious clumping of rubber boots, Micky Hickey, Honey Donovan, Pop Clark, Herb Choate, Skinny and Rob Bruce, and attacked the students furiously, while the other boys harassed them from the sides. Straight through Maple Street the students charged, the townies retreating, but contesting every inch of the ground. Snowballs zipped by their ears, thudded against their bodies, spattered against trees, fences and houses. The students, although far stronger, were outnumbered by these smaller but superior marksmen, whose numbers were con- stantly increasing. Hats were brushed off, shirt bosoms wilted, ears filled with icy snow and eyes endangered. And now the students were reinforced, and in good time, for as the battle raged up and down Maple Street, from the court leading from the rear of Towle's stableyard came rushing the combined 37 REAL BOYS force of students from the Towle and Jamlesoit boarding-houses, good ball players, strong throw- ers and fighters every man of them. Back they^ drove the townies, forcing their way into the street, and escaping from the cul-de-sac which had proved so disastrous to their companions. As they reached the broader thoroughfare they took things easier, and had no difficulty in holding their opponents iri check. But at this point a new element entered into the battle. Snowballs were still flying, but at longer range, and comparatively little damage was done, while the combatants were taking breath and re- pairing damages, when with body half bent, and with a peculiarly graceful and rapid gait, came a tall, thin, wiry boy, dark-complexioned, with snap" ping black eyes, who was greeted with cries of " Here's Pacer, fellers. Now we'll fix 'em ! " That their confidence was not misplaced was at once demonstrated, for Pacer, with a most peculiar twist of his wrist, sent a shot like lightning which struck a student plump on the forehead. A second shot landed like a cannon ball amidships a promi- nent student, doubling him up like a shrimp, while a third carried away the cap of one who rose from 38 REAL BOYS a stooping position just in time to head off the flying missile. Again the students charged, and again the townies fell back, fighting as they retreated, send- ing volley after volley and receiving broadside after broadside. In the meantime some of the townies had raced through Towle's yard and alarmed the Spring Street gang, and they came rushing to the fray, Pheby and Billy Taylor, Flip- pity Flanagan, Buenos Ayres Ellenwood, Dinky Lord, Ame and Herman Nudd, closely followed by the Town Hill gang, Ticky Moses, Shinny Thyng, Ned Walker, Sammy Ricker and Sam Gadd, while from a passing grocery team Chitter Robinson and Scotty Brigham dropped; and the new-comers, racing up the street, attacked the students in the rear, who again found themselves hemmed in between two fires. And now the battle raged fiercer than before. The whole air seemed full of missiles, and the charges of the students were met at close range and great execution done. The place was too hot for the students, outnumbered as they were, and turning their backs to their old opponents they charged through the new-comers desperately, 39 REAL BOYS while the others smothered them with snowballs from behind. Up the street, toward the Academy yard, the fight surged and eddied, the townies heading off the students, hanging on their flanks, assailing them from all sides. But as the battered remnant of the students came in sight of their yard they made a last desperate stand, while the war cry of the student, " P. E. A. This way," rang out like a call for help. It was at once answered from within the yard, and in an instant scores of students from Abbot Hall, active, lusty young fellows, came jumping the Academy fence to the rescue, scatter- ing the townies, bowling them over and pursuing them across lots and down side streets. In a short time they came panting back victorious, while from afar off, still uncaught, still unconquered, that human catapult. Pacer, sent shell after shell into the " Ranks of Tuscany " until they disappeared, and white-winged peace settled over the little town. 40 CHAPTER 4 " When the down is on the chin And the gold-gleam in the hair, When the birds their sweethearts win And champagne is in the air." — Lowell. The next Monday morning the boys were promptly in their places when the school bell rang. Puzzy triumphantly exhibited a black eye, while several others bore marks of the exciting battle of the previous Saturday. Plupy appeared with a flannel lined with pork adorning his manly throat, and coughed a cough of portentous hollowness, caused by his immersion in the wet slush of the day of battle. The Grammar School was at that time in charge of Mr. Sperry French, one of the most efficient and thorough teachers Exeter boys ever had. The old brick school-house behind the old County Build- ing, where the new library now stands, now, alas, removed to make room for a more pretentious 41 REAL BOYS structure, had been for many years the scene of much hard study, a considerable amount of vigor- ous discipline and an almost unlimited quantity of pure fun and healthy enjoyment. Mr. French's theory and practice was to keep his pupils thoroughly interested in their work, and up to concert pitch during school hours, and to that effect he introduced at times abrupt and start- ling methods of instruction to present doubtful and intricate problems in the clear light that prac- ticality alone affords. And so when Jack Melville was befogged in a dense fog of fractions, and was utterly unable to comprehend the rule of the inversion of the divisor, he was seized by this ingenious instructor and turned bodily upside down before the amazed and delighted scholars, everyone of whom saw the point, while Jack, with a cheerful grin, said, " I guess I know it now, sir." Fractions were Jack's strong point after that. Mr. French's punishments, while just and vigor- ous, were frequently so original and amusing as to appeal to the victims themselves, and Hke statutory penalties, were held out as warnings to the culprit 42 REAL BOYS and to others of mischievous tendencies rather than as punishments to individual transgressors. Of the propriety of compelling two boys who had been detected in the heinous offence of fight- ing to stand on the platform, in the full glare of publicity, with arms fondly encircling each other's necks ; of obliging one who had been guilty of mal- feisance in chewing gum to give a public exhibi- tion from the same platform of rapid mastication, until the luckless victim's jaws nearly fell apart; of 43 REAL BOYS constraining the offender who had been discovered in the act of surreptitiously eating an apple behind the friendly shelter of a " Guyot's Common School Geography " to instantly march to the platform and publicly perform the gastronomic feat of eat- ing apple, core, seeds and worm-holes; of the pro- priety of this, I maintain, there can be no question. At this day his school was a mixed school of girls and boys, and the friendly rivalry in scholarship and good behavior between the sexes was fostered to the utmost by this keen and far-sighted in- structor. He was a good musician, and our shrill childish voices were trained to render with vim and expres- sion the school songs of the old " Nightingale," such as " Annie Lyle," " What's the News," " We Love to Sing Together," " Speed Away " and others, while our teacher pranced about the aisles and platform waving his stick and book and sing- ing vigorously, now a little bass, now a little alto to help out the girls, and now a good deal of lusty tenor. Indeed, it was a sight to see Bug and Chick Chickering, who sat in adjoining seats, while lustily singing' " We All Love One Another," watching 44 REAL BOYS a chance when the teacher's attention was tem- porarily diverted to get in a few soHd punches on each other's anatomy. As Mr. French's name may not appear in these pages, I will say that after thirty-three years of continuous service in the same school he resigned, and the popular demonstration in his honor is still talked of as one of the events of the decade, and to this day none of his old pupils revisit Exeter 45 RE'Alj BOYS without first inqiiiriiii^ al)ont and then visiting their old teacher. On this Monday morning it was evident that something was in the wind. Jennie Morrison, one of the prettiest, most vivacious and most admired girls in the school, for whose favors all the boys sighed, and most of them sighed in vain, was seen talking in a most animated manner with Whacker, f- ft. &«» oe «_ "«- Bug and Puzzy, who were mysteriously dignified and important. It leaked out at recess that the Chadwicks were to have a party. At once they became the objects 46 REAL BOYS of the most flattering attentions on the part of their friends and acquaintances. Those of the boys who had apples urged the cores upon them. Those who rejoiced in gum were anxious to Hterally divide the last mouthful with their prospective hosts. Others praised their skill in various games of strength and daring, or purposely allowed themselves to be "spelled down" by these young gentlemen; and one ambitious youth, whose claims to the honor of an invitation were of the slightest, purposely picked a quarrel with the pugnacious Bug, and de- signedly allowed himself to be " licked," in the hope that the victor's heart would be so warmed by his victory as to move him to invite the con- quered to the party, bearing a black eye or a swol- len lip as a living proof of his host's prowess. As for the girls, they unbent, and shamelessly bestowed their brightest smiles, the most lurid of candy mottoes and the most seductive of jujube paste upon the happy Chadwicks, for a party at their house was an event to be long remembered. As the function was to take place on Wednesday evening, and as the invitations were pretty gen- erally distributed, it is safe to say that only the unremitting industry of Mr. French kept his schol- 47 REAL BOYS ars up to the scholastic mark during the three days preceding the festal occasion. The approved method of bestowing invitations was as follows : Bug, loquitur: " Hi, Plupy ! Wancher to come to my party Wensdy. Goin' to have a big time. We'll git the twin Browns fightin'. Lessee " (con- sulting a list), " I've got to invite you, and Pewt, and Beany, and Pop and Nigger, and Tady and Nibby, and Priscilla and Stubby; and Puzzy has got to invite Diddly and Fatty, and Zee and Skinny, and a lot of the fellers; and Whack and Annie are to invite the girls. You'll be on hand, woncher, Plupy ? " " Betcher I'll come, fi don't git sent to bed for somethin'." In this way delightful anticipations were kindled in many a small bosom, and even the retail stores felt the influence, inasmuch as the traffic in paper collars, false bosoms, blue string neckties with white spots and Day and Martin's blacking became quite feverishly active. On Wednesday a somewhat mixed assemblage thronged the spacious parlors of Captain Chad- wick's hospitable mansion. The olive branches of the courtly captain and his stately wife were numer- 48 REAL BOYS ous, descending in regular gradations like a flight of steps, from the eldest daughter, a young lady of sixteen, to the youngest son, a tot of five; and as each individual step was allowed the privilege of bidding to the feast a certain number of other steps of like size and age, " irrespective of race, color and previous condition of servitude," the natural result was a very numerous and rather bizarre gathering, and as everyone came promptly at the hour named it was a veritable tidal wave of young- sters. The boys came dressed neatly, and for the most part provided with light slippers, for which their heavy boots were exchanged as soon as they en- tered the house. A few of the older boys, special guests of Miss Annie, had attained their ambition, the bob-tailed coat, the toga virilis of budding man- hood ; while the youthful hostess and a few of her bosom friends had, in honor of the occasion, dis- carded the braids of the schoolgirl for the coiffure of the woman of fashion, and their smiles were much sought after by the older boys and the few students who were present. The rooms presented a scene of animation bois- terous to a degree. In a corner of the library, dur- 49 REAL BOYS ing the absence of the host and hostess, the fight between the twin Browns, two sandy-haired, lank, white-eyelashed youths, was being pulled off ac- cording to promise, while a ring of choice spirits alternately cheered them on and kept a sharp eye out for those in authority. In the sitting-room the tots were playing " Ring Round a Rosy " and " Bushel of Rags," while in the parlor " Virginia Reel," " Copenhagen " and " Post Office " had their quota of devotees; and occasional glimpses of white-coated and capped caterers' assistants whetted the anticipation of the guests in a most delightfully tantalizing manner. Promptly at the stroke of nine the dining-room doors were thrown open, and the eager guests, re- straining themselves with great difficulty from pushing, marched in a most orderly manner to their places in the dining-room, where long tables, short tables, big tables, little tables, card tables and lacquered Japanese tables were loaded with substantial fare, and literally flung themselves upon it. What a supper that was ! What prodigious feats of gastronomy were performed, aided and abetted to the utmost by Mrs. Chadwick, who knew by 50 REAL BOYS domestic experience the capacity of her own boys, and wisely judged that it was not exceptional. After supper there were more games, blindman's buf¥, charades, clap in and clap out, winding up with a grand sing and good-night. Unfortunately, among so many gallant youths and pretty girls it was impossible for an evening so spent to pass without occasioning some heart- burning, and something occurred to mar the per- fect enjoyment of the luckless Fatty, something fraught with the most weighty consequences, as the subsequent chapters will show. Fatty, upon whom the fascinating Jennie Morri- son had smiled, and whose attentions for the past few weeks she had openly encouraged, had noticed with great concern that on this particular evening she betrayed an all too evident inclination to be- stow her smiles upon the Academy students pres- ent, and in turn received their attentions in what was undoubtedly a delightfully friendly manner, at least to them, while to the unhappy Fatty, who was treated by her with well-bred indifference, these social amenities were gall of an exceeding bitter- ness. One of these students in particular, named 51 REAL BOYS Bates, and who was known to the townies under the appellation of " Fishy," was unremitting in his attentions to the fair Jennie, and it was only too evident that his attentions were fully appreciated and his friendly feelings cordially reciprocated. In vain did the fat and fatuous Fatty endeavor to slap her hands in the Copenhagen ring. Deftly she avoided him, only to fall, willingly as it seemed, into similar traps laid for her by the wily and triumphant Fishy. In vain did the jealous swain attempt in " Button, button " to obey the com- mand to " rise and redeem her." For him there were no letters in the " Post Office," and the lot- tery of forfeits held for him naught but blanks. For a time he feigned a hollow merrimnet, too ghastly to be real, but finally retired in disgust from the room and took refuge in the dining-room, where he drank deep draughts of " Malvoisie " — i.e., colored lemonade — and darkly communed with his trusty friends, the redoubtable Bug, Puzzy, the foe of students, still bearing the black eye received in the snowball fight; Tomtit, who urged imme- diate violence; Whacker, who counselled a con- certed attack with hard snowballs after the party broke up, and the highly sympathetic but less pug- 52 REAL BOYS nacious Plupy, and the pacific but scandalized Pot- ter, who, however much he may have deplored the condition of affairs, willingly sunk his own identity where the welfare of a friend demanded it. That the undoing of a friend and compatriot should have been the work of a " stewed cat " was regarded by the boys as an insult, an insult to be wiped out by blood and by blood alone. For while individually they would have striven earnestly each to cut out the other in the affections of the fickle one, their common cause against the students bound them together in bonds of " brass and triple steel." And so, after as guarded a conference as the in- terrupted nature of their seclusion would admit, considering that they stood near the punch bowl, they resolved upon a council of war upon the mor- row, drank a bumper to the confusion of the com- mon enemy and returned to the gay scene just as the guests were preparing to depart and a dis- hevelled scramble for rubber boots was in progress. Now hope " triumphant o'er his fears " again animated the manly bosom of our corpulent friend. Perhaps, yes, perhaps all might be well; perhaps she was only trying to dissemble her affection; per- 53 REAL BOYS haps she was testing his; perhaps a dozen things. Hastily crowding on his boots and squirming into his pea jacket, the newly hopeful Fatty took his station at the foot of the front stairs, amid a group of bashful and sheepish looking youths, and as the coquettish Jennie appeared, becomingly ar- rayed in an astrachan jacket and hat, boldly pushed forward, with the usual " Can I see you home, Miss Morrison? " but fell back in mortified amaze as she coolly declined the offer and deftly slipped her red- mittened hand through the extended arm of the despised " stewed cat." At this crowning humiliation Bug, who with the rest of the family was engaged in speeding the parting guest, loudly yelled " Stewedcat ! Stewed- cat ! " and v^ as only restrained by force from send- ing a rubber boot full at the offender's head. A stern maternal command to the three Chad- wick boys prevented an immediate expedition to waylay and destroy the marauder on his way from the dwelling of the inconsistent damsel, and Fatty, temporarily crushed, and as one well stricken in years, was escorted home by Tomtit, Plupy and Potter, who vainly tried to revive his drooping spirits and beguile his sadness with entertaining gossip and jovial converse. 54 ^ 'CHAPTER 5 "And never shall in friendly clasp The hand of such as Marmion clasp." — Scott. The next day was rainy, windy, dreary, a typical March day. The piles of dingy snow, already shrunken under the warm sun of the previous day, melted away and became rivulets to swell the gut- ters into raging torrents. As the brown and sodden earth came into view after its long winter's concealment hundreds of bones, thrown by thrifty housekeepers into the back yard, likewise appeared, and as they had a dis- tinct value as articles of commerce they were gath- ered by the boys and sold to the hardware dealers, and were popularly supposed to be used to make ivory articles of great value. At all events, the collecting of refuse bones was a regular spring trade, in the pursuit of which our young friends amassed many coppers and three-cent pieces. The prudent and far-sighted Plupy, anticipating 55 REAL BOYS a sharp decline in the prices of his stock in trade, now sadly depleted by the generous patronage of his associates, made a deal with a confiding friend who aspired to a mercantile life, sold out the re- mainder of his stock at a great sacrifice, disposed of his net receipts of iron and lead for the not in- considerable sum of twenty-eight cents and retired wealthy. As he was a youth of the most hospitable nature, he without much difficulty obtained his parents' consent to invite a few of his friends to share the proceeds of the mercantile venture, and incident- ally to discuss the momentous case of Fatty vs. Fishy. Accordingly he bade his friends to make merry with him, and at eight o'clock that evening Fatty, Bug, Puzzy, Whacker, Tomtit and Potter were to be seen in a comfortable back room of Plupy's domicile, busily engaged in disposing of a collation bought with the nail money, Pewt and Beany had been invited, but the former had been seriously bitten by a tame gray squirrel which he was ex- hibiting to a friend, and the latter had eaten too much at the Chadwick's party and was reported to be in a most critical and alarming condition. 56 REAL BOYS The collation, which had absorbed the entire contents of the till, had been chosen with great judgment by the host, and was so liberal and varied in assortment as to justify detailed mention. Seven huge cream cakes from the local baker, each a brown leathery envelope enclosing a very sweet paste. One dozen large jumbles, bought at the same place. Slightly damaged and shop-worn, they were purchased at such a discount as to be regarded in the light of a great bargain. Seven gooseberries, hard, round balls of candy, slightly transparent and decorated with alternate opaque stripes. They were hard as white marbles, and the strongest teeth could make no impression on them, but when persistently sucked they would dwindle steadily for a long time and diffuse an agreeable sweetness until exhausted. They were indeed " pieces de resistance." Seven corn balls, likewise bargains, and for sim- ilar reasons. Seven taffies, brownish concoctions of molasses candy and minced cocoanut, much in vogue at that period, and usually exposed for sale in the windows of small shops, neatly stuck on strips of white tissue paper. It was no violation of the rules of polite behavior to eat the paper also. 57 REAL BOYS One huge cocoanttt, untapped, which when shaken g'ave forth an agreeable gurgle and swash, promising refreshing drink for the thirsty and sub- stantial meat for the starving. A pitcher of sweet- ened water and an unlimited supply of the finest sweet fern cigars saved from the wreck of the stock in trade. The eyes of the guests, at the unprecedented magnificence of the entertainment, sparkled, and a joint and several attack was made on the provender with marked effect. At the expiration of a half hour spent in this agreeable fashion the last of the eatables, saving the gooseberries, which were spared for disposal during school hours, had disap- peared, and the guests, choosing and lighting a sweet fern cheroot each, began a high-pitched dis- cussion of the absorbing events of the preceding evening. " It's pretty tough," sighed Bug, " that the rain came just in time to spoil the snow. 'F mother hadn't stopped us last night we would have just lammed time out of Fishy." " S'pose 'twon't do to wait till green apple time," said Tomtit reflectively. " Huh ! Course not," sneered Puzzy. 58 REAL BOYS " We might trip him up some night with a string," suggested Whacker. " You don't catch me trying that again," said Fatty. " Las' fall me an' Pewt were layin' for Nip- per Brown, and old John Quincy Ann Pollard came limpin' along 'n fell down whack, 'n broke a whole pailful of eggs, 'n mother made me pay for the eggs out of my 'lowance, and kep' me in the yard for a week. That's always the way, if you lay for one feller some other one comes along and tumbles down." " ril tell you, boys," said Potter in his quiet way, " I think Fatty ought to send Fishy a chal- lenge to fight, just as Tom Brown and Slugger Williams fought in that story. Fishy can have a few of his friends for seconds and we will all be Fatty's seconds, and we will have a ring and sponges and bottles and everything." " That'll be bully," said Bug, with great enthu- siasm. " No clawin', nor rasslin', nor pullin' hair nor kickin', but just stand right up and punch each other square in the mug." " S'pose he won't fight?" queried Tomtit. " He'll fight fast enough," said Fatty, who ap- peared to have misgivings as to the result, 59 REAL BOYS " You can lick 'im easy. You're bigger 'n he is and can fight like time," rejoined Tomtit, with deft and reassuring flattery. " I'll fight him ," said Bug excitedly. " What yer got to do about it? " asked Whacker. " 'Cause he's an old ' stewed cat ' an' Fatty's afraid." " I ain't afraid, neither," roared Fatty, incensed at the imputation. " I can hck him in two min- utes." " I think," said Potter, quietly coming forward as usual to smooth things over, " that Whacker and I had better take a challenge to Fishy to-mor- row, and have the fight next Saturday." "What yer want to wait so long for?" de- manded the impatient Tomtit. " Perhaps he'll be expelled before that or Fatty'll back out," said Bug, who perceived the necessity of spurring the reluctant Fatty to action. "I won't neither," bawled Fatty indignantly. " Well, anyway," explained Potter, " you've got t© train your man if you want him to put up a good fight." "Train? What's that?" asked Plupy the un- sophisticated. " Why, Fatty's got to run a mile every day, can't 6q REAL BOYS eat no pastry nor candy, or smoke no sweet fern cigars, and has got to punch with the fellers every day with gloves so as to get into practice," ex- plained the learned Potter, " That's great," chimed in Bug, sparring in a highly scientific manner, evidently anticipating in- teresting developments. Even Fatty manifested some enthusiasm over the matter put in this light, although the prospect of a pastryless week was anything but alluring to a youth of his robust appetite, and caused him to pull a very long face. " I knew a feller once," said Tomtit, who was remarkable for his imagination, " who lived in North Hampton, and he and my uncle John used to practice boxin' an' rasslin' 'til they could lick fellers three times as big as they were, an' they got as hard as rocks, an' you couldn't hardly jab a pin into 'em anywhere." " What sort of a challenge are you goin' to send?" asked Whacker. " Got to have a gauntlet to throw at him, haven't you? " demanded Puzzy, who was literal and Hter- ary in his tastes. " Tell yer what," cried Bug, always ready with startling suggestions, " le's put a half brick in my 61 REAL BOYS mitten an' give it to him right in the ear, 'n then he'll fight." This brilHant but truculent suggestion was pro- nounced decidedly irregular by the oracular Pot- ter, and after much consideration the following challenge was dictated to and signed by the darkly determined Fatty: " March 6teen*h, i86 — . "Fishy Bate. " Stewedcat. "You are respectively challinged to meet me enny- wheres, Saturday afternoon, for a fight to a finish. You are aloud to bring not exceding 6 secons. " Ned Oilman." This was justly regarded as a triumph of diplo- matic art, and well calculated to bring on hostilities of the most lively nature. Further discussion was cut short by the ringing of the nine o'clock curfew, and the seven worthies, after promising to inaugurate a vigorous system of training on the morrow, prudently threw away their cheroots and wended their noisy way home- ward, smelling like a bonfire of dry leaves. Con- sidering the quantity and indigestible quality of the refreshments, this course of training was in the highest degree advisable, provided any of them survived the night. 62 CHAPTER 6 "And the more stupendous our Preparations the less the bloodshed, And the shorter the struggle will be." — Douglas. The next day, however, found them all in school, winking mysteriously at each other whenever the teacher's back was turned. Indeed, the luckless Bug was detected in making vigorous passes in the air indicative of pugiHstic aspirations, and was promptly sentenced to spend the rest of the morn- ing in the cavernous depths of the wood-box, where he was speedily joined by Ticky Moses and Shinny Thyng, caught red-handed in a game of tit- tat-two. The last named youngster had spent so much of his time immured in this dungeon that he could see in the dark like a cat. At dinner that day, and for several days after- wards, Fatty astonished th6 members of his family by eating enormous quantities of meat and refus- ing pastry and sweets. This was so abrupt a de- parture from his ordinary habits that he was 63 REAL BOYS closely questioned as to the state of his health, and narrowly escaped the usual dose of castor oil, the family panacea. After dinner the somiewliat unusual sight of seven or eight small boys in their shirt-leeves, with coats thrown over their shoulders and handker- chiefs bound around their heads, amazed the worthy people of the town, who were, however, gradually becoming used to any eccentricities in garb or conduct in these boys. As soon as school closed Potter and Whacker were dispatched with the challenge, and the five remaining boys repaired to Taylor's barn, where training was vigorously resumed. When asked to choose his sparring partner Fatty, with commend- able prudence, chose Plupy, to the avowed disgust of Bug, who longed for a more active part in the preparations. The contrast between the two as they stood up for the initial bout was comical in the extreme. Fatty, round, plump and protuberant; Plupy, lank, knock-kneed and wobbly. Poor Plupy, it must have been a long week of penance to him. Every afternoon from five-thirty to six o'clock he was thumped, banged about and knocked down, and 64 REAL BOYS sustained a variety of contusions and bruises fright- ful to behold, yet he manfully stuck in the ring until Potter, as the recognized authority on the T.a.ccoctg.. subject of training, decided that his man had exer- cised enough. On the afternoon in question Potter and Whacker returned and announced a successful mission. Fishy would fight, and would be ready Saturday. He was expecting his father to visit him, but if the old man didn't come he would fight. These good tidings so revived the drooping spir- its of Bug that while Fatty was being scientifically treated by Tomtit and Potter, and while Plupy was 5 65 REAL BOYS endeavoring unaided to pull himself into shape, he donned the gloves and rudely smote his brother Puzzy in the nose. Puzzy, although a year younger than Bug was a trifle larger, and no mean antagonist, and quickly retaliated by delivering what is known in the ver- nacular of the ring as a " side-winder," and a lively bout was the result, which still further intensified the interest in the great event. The next day Fatty was as stifif as a soda cracker, to quote the apt simile of Tomtit, but the enforced discipline of his trainer, aided by frequent maxims from an odd volume of " Boxiana " which Potter possessed, served to bring him on in fine style. The next few days were a repetition of the course of training, and brought an equal share of misery to the plucky but out-classed Plupy and the harassed Fatty. The course of training, like that of true love, which brought about this condition of affairs, did not run smoothly, and was marred by an accident that threatened to put an end to the fight and the future usefulness of Fatty at the same time. Among the rules of training prescribed in Potter's book was " Exercises calculated to stretch 66 REAL BOYS the muscles of the arm and add to the quickness of delivery." At that time the students had a sort of open-air gymnasium in the Academy yard, near the old dor- mitory and under the shade of the trees. Here were erected climbing ladders, swinging rings, horizontal and parallel bars and a trapeze. The astute Potter opined that the swinging rings were admirably adapted to stretch the muscles of the arm and develop tenacity of grasp, which might, when judiciously exercised upon an opponent's hair, work to manifest advantage. With these good intentions Fatty was induced to grasp the swinging rings, while as many of his companions as could lay hold of him from behind strongly propelled him skyward. The first few swings were safely taken, but finally by concerted action he was sent to a great height, when either he became frightened or the mo- mentum of his plump body was beyond the power of his hands to restrain, certain it is that he lost his hold on the rings, and with a blood-curdling yell came to the ground, striking on his head and shoulders with a prodigious thump, and lay as one dead. 67. REAL BOYS For a moment the attendant squires of the fallen knight remained rooted to the ground in terror, and with open mouths and staring eyeballs gazed at the recumbent form of the gladiator; then, ani- mated by a simultaneous desire to quit the dread- ful place, turned as one man to fly, when a loud and sustained bellow and a lusty kicking by the supposed corpse showed plainly that the vital spark had not fled. 68 REAL BOYS With careful hands he was raised from the ground, his clothes brushed and his bruises ten- derly rubbed, each of his friends loudly proclaim- ing his individual innocence of blame in the mat- ter. On examination it was found that he had fallen into a pile of sawdust used about the build- ings, and had sustained no injury beyond a severe fright and a severe shaking up. Convinced, however, that some expiation should be made, the party, with the exception of Potter, united in laying the entire blame upon Plupy, who was promptly set upon by Fatty and soundly thumped. Plupy, however, did not allow so slight a matter as this to interfere with his allegiance or his in- terest in the fight, and the next day training was resumed, leaving the stretching of the muscles to nature and youth. 69 CHAPTER 7 " The next gale that sweeps from the North will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms," — Old Reader. The eventful day dawned clear, warm and bright. The seven sporting gentlemen were early at school, and secretly discussed the mill in sub- dued voices. Fatty appeared in good condition, and except fot a sHght stiffness in his neck seemed none the worse for his fall. However great his misgivings about the result of the fight might have been in the early stages of his training, the ease with which he had fought Plupy to a standstill and the fulsome praise of his friends had given him unlimited confidence in his ability, and he spoke of the humiHation of his de- tested rival as an accomplished fact, and gloried in anticipation of the manner in which he would rib- roast him, and side-wind him, and cross-counter him, and draw his claret, and tap his ruby, and give him bellows to mend, and other gruesome accom- plishments which a careful perusal of Potter's book . 70 REAL BOYS seemed to indicate as a sine qua non of a properly conducted mill. How the boys had managed to get through the week without betraying their secret I cannot un- derstand or explain, but the certain knowledge that the least slip would infallibly result in prompt interference by their legal custodians kept them as dumb as oysters. The long forenoon wore slowly away, and at the close of school they held a hurried conference, in which Fatty was solemnly warned, under the most severe penalties, to avoid yielding to the seductive pleasures of the table or the enervating influence of mince pie. The providing of the proper appurtenances of the ring was fairly divided between the boys. Plupy was to provide a bottle of sweetened water, Whacker a sponge. Potter some raw meat and brown paper, humanely intended for application to the wounds, bruises, abrasions and other severe in- juries to be sustained by Fishy. To Puzzy was in- trusted the difficult duty of providing a suitable sentiment or motto for the occasion, as this was deemed necessary by Potter, By agreement, the ring was to be pitched behind 71 REAL BOYS the Grove Street School House, all concurring in the idea that the most isolated spot in the universe is a school yard on a half holiday. A little before the hour six of the boys were at the ringside, anxiously awaiting the approach of the enemy. Plupy was a little late, as his mother, from recent experience, had deemed it wise policy to compel that youth to split his kindlings before he left the house. He arrived on the ground bear- ing the bottle of sweetened water, flushed with running and very shaky in his knees. The different articles had been in some way amassed by the boys. Whacker brought a huge sponge which had been used in the stable for wash- ing carriages, and had incidentally done duty in rubbing down the horse, which latter operation had rendered it very smelly and quite fuzzy in ap- pearance. Tomtit brought a roller-towel that had done a hard week's work. The provision that showed great research and patient labor was the motto contributed by Puzzy. Literary in his tastes, as I have already said, he had chanced upon this Latin maxim, " ex nihilo nihil Ht.'^ This struck him as remarkably appro- priate, indicating, as it plainly did, an encounter 72 REAL BOYS between two persons of somewhat similar names. So interested had he been in the matter that he had spent much time in searching the Encyclo- paedia and ancient histories for details of the en- counter, but had been unable to find anything, and had not dared to ask for fear of betraying his se- cret. Some discussion preceded the adoption of his sentiment, Plupy suggesting the insertion of an " and," but he was voted down, although he argued strongly, and to the point, that if "ex nihilo fit nihil, nihil probably fit back, or if nihil fit ex nihilo, ex nihilo fit back; that is, they both fit, and there wouldn't have been no fight if both hadn't fit." At this point Fishy came in from the street ac- companied by his seconds. Distrustful of the fair- ness of his opponent and anticipating a large gath- ering of turbulent townies, he had chosen for his seconds six of the largest and most powerful stu- dents in the Academy, who came grinning into the yard, highly amused at what promised to be a very entertaining adventure. Fatty won the choice of corners, and chose the northwest corner, which differed in no whit from any other corner, but as he was bound to choose 73 REAL BOYS something he chose with great promptness, aware that promptness is a business trait, and might im- "^fi Citicti press his opponent that he was getting himself into very serious complications indeed. As an additional precaution Fatty had eaten a raw steak thickly besprinkled with pepper, to make himself savage, as befitted the occasion, and had 74 REAL BOYS drunk a wine-glass full of strong vinegar, to add sharpness to his physical and mental make-up. Thus provisioned, he looked with confidence to the utter demolition of his adversary, and glared at 11 him with a baleful look that ill became his hand- some and good-natured face. The necessary preliminaries were soon dis- patched, and the combatants, after a brief hand- shake, stood forth to do battle as did Dares and Entellus of old. While they are standing on guard let me say a word about fighting. It is customary, 75 REAL BOYS I am aware, at this stage to give a sort of moral lecture about the sinfulness of fighting. I propose to do violence to a tradition and do nothing of the sort, for I have always been inclined to defend the practice. Now, my dear madam, finish this chapter before you throw the story into the fire. If my ideas do not harmonize with yours it won't hurt you to hear what my ideas are on the subject. Your son is just the age of mine. You love your boy and de- sire his welfare above all things. I have the same feeling for my own son. So far we are agreed. Have you forbidden your son to fight under severe penalties? And have you sent him to a public school hampered by this injunction? If so, I am afraid you have placed him under a serious dis- advantage, and have thus done him a grievous wrong. This is the infallible result: either he will fight and deny it to you, which is far more blame- worthy than fighting, or he will, if a strictly obe- dient boy, refuse to fight or to resent imposition, and thus gain the reputation of a " milksop " or " sissy," and his school days will be made miserable by the injustice of this stigma, and by the indigni- 76 REAL BOYS ties and annoyances to which he will be subjected by his mates. If you find your boy quarrelsome, and inclined to impose upon other and younger boys, punish him as severely as you wish. I am fully in accord with you there, for a quarrelsome, tyrannical bully is a nuisance in any school ; but as long as there are schools, so long will there be quarrelsome, tyran- nical bullies, and you and I, my dear madam, wish our boys to take these bullies in hand and thrash them. Now, isn't that so ? Do you suppose that Fatty was any the worse for his fight with Fishy ? And when, in after years, Fatty became one of the best football players and cane-rushers that Dartmouth College ever boasted, and one of the best business men in New Hamp- shire, is there any doubt but that this fight had some influence — a slight influence, perhaps, but still an influence — in producing this development? And do you suppose that he was any the less a gentleman and a good citizen from having learned to stand up for his rights and resent improper in- terference with his affairs? Did not these qualities contribute to his success, and will they not, when 77 REAL BOYS properly directed, contribute to the success of your son and mine? Let your boy learn to box, to wrestle, to fence, and so develop every muscle. I never yet saw a boy who knew how to box strike with a club, stone or dangerous weapon. But really I have taken so much time in this little sermon that I must postpone the result of the fight to the next chapter. Truthfully, my dear madam, are you not the least bit disappointed? 78 CHAPTER 8 " They fit n' fit n' fit And Jim wouldn't give up And Hall wouldn't give up." — John Robinson. How the hearts of the Httle townies thrilled, and how their eyes sparkled as their hero stood up clad in full ring costume, knee breeches, belt, sleeveless shirt, knickerbockers and laced shoes, his face aglow with health, his under jaw so firmly set that his plump cheeks stood out Hke two ripe Baldwin apples, while his head was closely clipped by the searching shears of the village barber. Indeed, so far had the lust for battle got possession of them that even the overtrained Plupy would have wil- lingly entered the ring. Firm and unyielding Fatty looked as he stood with his guard a perfect copy of a picture of John C. Heenan hanging in the aforementioned barber's shop. A close observer would have noticed a heaviness in his motions and a stiffness in his atti- tude which contrasted unfavorably with the lithe 79 REAL BOYS and graceful movements of his lighter and older opponent. Rejoice in him while you may, boys, for in a few short rounds his renown as a pugilist will have de- parted, and the banner of the townies, with the classic motto thereon, will have been trailed in the dust. Through no fault of Taylor's however, for too late it was ascertained that Fishy was nearly nineteen years of age, while Fatty was but four- teen. In sporting parlance, the students were " playing a ringer." And now I am again violating all precedent in allowing the hero of this chapter to be beaten in a contest of the kind. Did not Tom Baily whip Conway, although, as he says, " I could stand very little and not see at all " when the contest was over? And did not Jack Hazard whip Lon Gan- nett in the entry of the school-house? And if Tom Brown didn't whip " Slogger " Williams, he had him pretty nearly finished when Dr. Arnold inter- fered and stopped the fight. And in many other stories for boys that I have read the hero, a mild, soft-voiced boy, polite to his teachers and elders, modest in demeanor, prompt at church and Sun- day-school, when provoked to battle, lays aside hivS 3q REAL BOYS coat, rolls np his sleeves, displaying an arm knotted with curving muscles (although but fourteen years of age), remarks that he is very sorry to be obliged to fight and promptly sails in and whips the bully of the town, a massive youth seasoned by years of battle, and leaving him cowed and beaten, turns down his cuffs, replaces his coat and walks away, to be stopped by a rich merchant and rewarded with a position in his counting-room. I am really very sorry to be obliged to chronicle a different result and sorry to violate tradition. But the unfortunate part of the matter was that Fatty, although a good, hearty, healthy boy, was not soft-voiced, modest or particularly polite; that although he was reasonably constant at church and Sunday-school, he, like his friends, often went as one driven. In short, he had but little in common with the priggish individual just described. And so virtue, if virtue was supposed to lie on Fatty's side, was not triumphant. Although I can- not see, in looking upon the matter in the calm, dispassionate way that the lapse of years enables me to see it, that there had been anything culpable in Fishy's conduct, albeit the boys were each and every one of the opinion that he had in some way 6 8i REAL BOYS worked great injury to Fatty by his successful at- tentions to Jennie, and that his conduct merited the severe thrashing that they were confident would be administered. But now let us return to the gladiators, whom we have kept standing on guard for a long time. They have become impatient, and so, perhaps, have you. After a few moments of cautious manoeuvring Fatty, urged on by the frantic yells of his adherents and their shrill admonitions to " paste him one," made a leviathan rush at Fishy, who deftly avoided him, and landed a solid, left-handed punch on Fatty's nose, which caused him to give utterance to a loud " ouch ! " and seize that organ with both hands, while he looked cross-eyes at his opponent, who good-naturedly refrained from taking advan- tage of this opening to land several good ones. Stung by the loud laughter of the students and the shrill " Aw, now. Fatty, what yer doin' ? " of his friends, he rushed again, but failed to land, and received two body blows that evoked a hoarse crow from the recipient. Potter at once claimed a foul, arguing that a blow in the stomach was below the belt. This 82 REAL BOYS claim was disallowed, but it was agreed that no blows below the chest should be allowed. When the dogs of war were loosed again Fatty at once made another rush, and this time landed on Fishy's brow, but was promptly countered on the sore nose, whereupon he lost his temper and launched a terrific kick at Fishy, who caught the uplifted leg, gave a heave and brought Fatty to the ground with a thump, gaining first fall and closing the round. The rest between the first and second rounds was spent in fanning and rubbing down the gladi- ators, and in trying to convince Fatty of the ex- treme irregularity of his conduct in introducing la savate into the rules of the P. R. In the second round Fatty, acting under the in- structions of his handlers, disregarded the vocifer- ous encouragement of Bug and Tomtit to " Lam him, Fatty," " Paste him. Fatty," and essayed to keep Fishy at a distance. These tactics were a dismal failure, for Fishy easily dodged back and forward, and with much skill and great preci- sion delivered several sounding thuds on Fatty's roseate countenance, and finally in a clinch back- heeled and threw him heavily. REAL BOYS Second round for Fishy; Fatty's action marked by great gallantry. This time the united persuasions, expostulations and entreaties of the entire squad were hardly suf- ficient to induce the reluctant champion to come to the scratch, but finally the magic words, " 'Fraid cat! 'Fraid cat!" thrown in his teeth by Bug, prevailed, and he again strode forth to do or die. And now for the first time he scored a temporary advantage, for as they advanced to the centre of the ring Bug suddenly darted forward and dealt Fishy a stinging blow on the ear. As Fishy turned on this fresh antagonist Fatty threw himself for- ward and fairly overwhelmed him by his weight, all three coming to the ground together. They were immediately separated by the stu- dents, and Bug was removed to a safe distance from the ring and securely pinioned, from which position he shouted shrill defiance at the students. This temporary advantage greatly encouraged the partisans of Fatty, but proved his speedy un- doing, for while up to this time Fishy, conscious of his strength, science, and superiority in age, had fought with the utmost good nature, and had care- fully avoided the exertion of his full strength, he 84 REAL BOYS was now thoroughly enraged, as much from the gross violation of ring precedents as from the stinging nature of the blow he had received from Bug. From the apparent ease with which Fatty had rolled Fishy in the dust, his seconds sagely judged that Fishy could not stand a scrimmage at close quarters, and advised their man to go in and finish him at short range. The first part of this com- mand he promptly started in to execute, but made bad work of the second, for his rush was met with staggering lefts and rights, and before he could collect his wits such a rain of blows was showered upon him that he dropped in the ring and utterly refused to rise, claiming loudly, and with good reason, that he had had enough. Whereupon Potter and Whacker, who had dur- ing the entire contest punctiliously observed all the formalities of the ring, solemnly threw up the sponge, and Fishy was hailed the victor, and after putting on his coat left the field accompanied by his friends, and deaf to the repeated challenges of Bug, who offered to " lick any man of them for a cent," which under the circumstances seemed a lib- eral discount on the usual terms. 85 REAL BOYS Poor Fatty was led to the pump, and his bruises, consisting of a black eye, a swollen lip, and a sprained thumb, were scientifically treated by Pot- ter, while the rest of the party struck the shackles from the downtrodden and imprisoned Bug, and discussed the fight with great earnestness. While it was admitted that the fight was fair, and that Fatty had exhibited both pluck and en- durance, still there was a harrowing suspicion in 66 REAL BOYS their minds that in some occult way the entire party had been tricked and taken in. Bug, whose imprisonment had for the time soured his genial disposition, was inclined to lay the blame upon the course of training, and in- dulged in remarks aspersive of his brother Whacker, which that gentleman resented, and a second fight began between combatants much more evenly matched, and lasted several rounds in the most hearty fashion, but led to no definite result except in the restoration of perfect good feeling. The Chadwicks were all so evenly matched, and had fought so much, that their fights seldom resulted in any decided advantage to either. But alas! there was no longer any pleasure in life for Fatty, in whom even the excitement of the second fight failed to awaken an interest, and he was escorted home through devious ways, and left in the back yard to explain his condition as best, he might. The next Monday morning he was, with the ex- ception of a discolored eye, none the worse physi- cally for his misfortune, but for several days he avoided his friends and seemed a prey to melan- choly. Later he was seized with an enthusiasm for 87 REAL BOYS hard study, evidently ambitious to dazzle a certain young lady by his scholastic triumphs, a course of procedure which much puzzled his friends, none of whom were accustomed to devote much time to their studies. Gradually, however, he was taken into favor by the fair enslaver, to the deep but unspoken dis- tress of Plupy, whose small bosom was nigh to bursting with his feelings for her. Under the sunshine of prosperity Fatty rapidly regained his spirits, but the desperate condition of mind to which he had been reduced by her studied coldness, as well as his hitherto unsuspected liter- ary resources, was evidenced by the appearance of a carefully folded paper which dropped from her desk one day, and which contained a wisp of tow- colored hair, and the following tender but darkly prophetic verse: — " Hair. Ned Gilman to Jennie Morrison." " This lock of hair I once did wair, I now preside it to your care. Perhaps when I am dead and gone You may have this to look upon." 88 CHAPTER 9 " Stout Lartius hurled down Aunus into the stream be- neath ; Herminius struck at Seius and clove him to the teeth; At Picus brave Horatius darted one fiery thrust, And the proud Umbrian's gilded arms clashed in the bloody dust." — Macaulay. The following Saturday afternoon Brigadier Fatty Oilman sat in his headquarters dictating dis- patches to the members of his staff, Aids-de-Camp Billy Swett, Dutchy Seamans and " Parson " Otis, who galloped furiously on foaming chargers, car- rying orders that the battalions form for an imme- diate asault on Lookout Mountain (Jady Hill), and that the commander " expected every man to do his duty." Instantly the drummers sounded the long roll, the war-worn and battered veterans sprang to their places, the artillery limbered up. A brief inspec- tion, and the command, " Battalion, attention ! Right, forward — fours — r-i-g-h-t,mar-r-c-ch !" And the battalion, with drums beating and flags flying, 89 REAL BOYS marched down the turnpike, and after a brief skir- mish crossed the bridge to Roanoke Island, which they reduced, and having stationed a guard there, pushed their way across Harper's Ferry (String Bridge), through Frederickton to the edge of the plain surrounding Lookout Mountain. Here a halt was made, a line of pickets thrown out, and a hasty meal of coffee and hardtack eaten. Cartridge boxes were filled, belts tightened, and all put in readiness for the assault. General Oilman himself addressed them. He told them, with voice trembling with emotion, that he could not close his eyes to the sad and solemn fact that war did exist, that the government must be maintained and its enemies overthrown; that the more stupendous their preparation the less the bloodshed, and the shorter the struggle. That it was a sad task to discuss questions as fearful as civil war; but that, sad as it was, bloody and dis- astrous as he expected the war would be, it was his conviction that it was the duty of every Amer- ican citizen to rally round the flag of his country. That should he perish in the glorious struggle — ■ as perish he might — this his last feeble and linger- ing glance might behold the gorgeous ensign of 90 REAL BOYS the republic, now known and honored through, ah, — through, ah, — through, — ah, — and that if Plupy Shute didn't stop laughing he would punch time out of him in two minutes. At the conclusion of his speech the soldiers cheered vigorously, and loudly resolved to give no quarter and to accept none. At this moment the sound of rapid firing was heard, and the pickets were slowly driven in. " Ad- vance, batteries, to line of wall, and unlimber and give 'em canister ! ' ' roared General Oilman. It was a sight of a lifetime to see batteries dash for- ward, unlimber, and amid a storm of bullets pour volley after volley of grape into the ranks of the enemy, who charged again and again, only to fall back riddled with grape, torn with canister, shat- tered with chain shot. As they retreated, General Gilman issued the famous order, " Forward the Light Brigade, charge for the guns he said," and the noble band of six hundred, each man with his reins in his teeth, his revolver in his right hand, his sabre in his left, spurred reckless to the charge, led by the heroic Fatty, notwithstanding the historic inconsistency of the appearance of this famous military company. 91 REAL BOYS On they went, cutting their way through the massed forces of their foe, cutting, shooting, yell- ing, and being shot. " Flashed all their sabres bare, Flashed as they turned in air. Then they rode back, But not, not the Six Hundred." To another order by the gallant General, " En evant Ics gants glaces," which he pronounced Enn eevant less gants glacies, — the pick of the French army, another slight incongruity, was dispatched to carry the redoubt, and recoiled after prodigies of valor. As Grouchy was confidently expected with reinforcements of sixty thousand, the Im- perial Guard was formed into an attacking column, and under the leadership of the great Napoleon himself, who had just departed this life as Captain of the Light Brigade, swept in a compact, irre- sistible mass upon the enemy. Men dropped from the ranks singly, in dozens, in scores, by the hun- dreds, only to pick themselves up after the line passed them, run to the extreme right or left, march, fight, and fall again. Napoleon fell, mor- tally wounded, and was carried from the field. Human nature could do no more, they bolted, 92 REAL BOYS wavered, " The whole world knows the result. Grouchy failed to appear; the Imperial Guard was driven back ; Waterloo was lost ! " But, no ! Spur- ring down the long dusty road from Winchester, his black horse gray with foam and dust, his eyes aflame with the light of battle (the horse's, not its rider's), waving his sword (the rider's, not the horse's), and firing his eighteen-barrelled navy plug Colt's revolver (also the rider's), into the ranks of the enemy, came General Fatty Sheridan, crying, " Rally, my brave men ! One more charge, 93 REAL BOYS and little Round Top is ours I One more advance, and we plant the glorious stars and stripes within their battlements ! " An exultant cheer broke from the ranks of the confused rabble of fugitives, " And the wave of retreat checked its course there, For the sight of the master compelled them to pause." Springing from his exhausted charger, by the simple expedient of letting fall the richly capar- isoned corn-stalk which he bestrode, General Fatty Sheridan reformed the lines, threw up breast- works, unlimbered batteries, threw out a line of skirmishers and al^Q his chest, and himself led the assault. It was sublime. At the very first volley General Sheridan was for the third time mortally wounded and carried from the field, shortly to reappear as Stonewall Jackson. At this the harmony of the occasion was broken. "Aw, now! Fatty, what yer talkin' about?" shrieked Puzzy. '* Stonewall Jackson was a rebel." " No, he wan't neither," roared Fatty. " Leave it to Dutchy." *' Aw, Puz, 'f I didn't know more'n that I " yelled Beany. " That was Andy Johnson." 94 REAL BOYS " Huh, Beany, you don't know nothin' about it, Andy Johnson, aw ! " sneered Bug, for once sus- taining Puzzy. " I leave it to Potter, anyway," said Puzzy. " Puzzy's right," decided Potter, promptly. ** Stonewall Jackson was a rebel. Of course Fatty can't be a rebel." " Well, I can be General Debility," said Fatty. " He was a Union General." No one being prepared to gainsay this state- tnent, no objection was made. " Anyway, I ain't goin' to play any more if Fatty gets killed again. I ain't goin' to keep luggin' him off to die. I 'bout broke my back now," com- plained Plupy. " And so have I," " and I," " and me, too," chimed in Pile and Pop and Diddly. " All right. I won't get killed again," asserted Fatty, who feared defection in his ranks. Then raising his voice, he roared : " The foe, they come." " Yet my last thought is England's fly," bawled Whacker, unmindful of punctuation, rallying the troops in the right wing. " Edmands is down, my life is reft," groaned Bug, falling headlong from his horse with a can- 95 REAL BOYS non ball in his brain, and immediately becoming, by a process of metamorphosis peculiar to the oc- casion, Black Darnley. " I am Bill Biddon, the Trapper," stoutly vocif- erated Pewt, kneeling and sighting the enemy across the barrel of his trusty rifle, and bringing them down by dozens. " Remember the Alamo ! " roared Cawcaw. " Abolsom, Abolsom, my son ! " wailed Beany, innocent of impiety and pronunciation. Thus encouraging each other with warlike cries and boastful demonstrations, they again charged up the hill. They gained the wall, leaped over the ramparts, and drove the enemy helter skelter from their guns, across the open field to the Hver bank, where, in their mad lust of victory, they shot hun- dreds of fugitives, struggling through the deep and rapid current to the farther shore. Sad it is, as General Fatty Napoleon Sheridan Balaclava Oilman said, to discuss a question so fearful as civil war. At dusk that evening, when the mere remnant of the noble band that hours before had marched proudly to the fatal field, had quenched their thirst in bumpers of sweetened water provided by 96 REAL BOYS their noble General, that ilhistrioits warrior him- self appeared in the doorway of the spacious kitchen of his mother's house and deHvered him- self of these pregnant words, " Hi, fellers, all those who haven't drank come and drank." 97 CHAPTER lo " There was a frog that lived in a spring Rig dum puUy mickatimo." The spring term was a thing of the past. The last day of school, Exhibition Day, had waxed, waned, and passed into history. The smilingly complacent friends and relatives had been told that " The consul's brow was sad, the consul's speech was low, And darkly looked he on the flood, and darkly on the foe." had been entreated in the most touching manner not to " Lift him from the bracken, leave him lying where he fell. Better bier ye cannot fashion, naught becomes him half so well." had been impressively informed that " The beams of the rising sun were gilding the lofty domes of Carthage " ; had been confidently given to under- stand that, " Not many years ago where we now 98 REAL' BOYS sit, surrounded by all that refines and embellishes civilized life, the rank thistle nodded in the wind and the wild fox dug his hole unscared ; " with other gratuitous information to the effect that " Edmunds is down, my life is reft," and earnest advice that " Clan Connell " should be summoned. From which information they appar- ently derived unbounded gratification and no little astonishment. Tomtit, who had loudly called for " Mike " Con- nell instead of Clan Connell, to the modest Michael's great confusion, had been summarily banished to the woodshed; and " Squawboo " Bowley, who had openly and from the platform proclaimed a trembling but undying intention to "Tear down that 'tittering' ensign down," had been sent home in disgrace. Prizes had been distributed, none of which fell to our friends, except to Potter, who absorbed learning without apparent effort, and easily stood first in his class. Indeed, so far were the rest of these young gentlemen from gaining any rewards of merit, that only by the most desperate efforts 99 REAL BOYS had they been able to obtain the minimum per- centage that entitled them to promotion. Plupy barely escaped being plucked, as his papers showed him to be weak in arithmetic, ship- wrecky in grammar, erratic in spelling, and indict- able in geography. Indeed, the amusement the examiners got out of his papers must have been in a measure responsible for his success, for in answer to the question, "What is grammar?" he aston- ished them by insisting that " Grammar is the sci- ence of numbers and the art of computing by them ; " and furthermore, when asked to compare " fore," he produced after much thought the tri- umph of ingenuity, "Positive, fore; comparative, five; superlative, six." However, in some mysterious way they had suc- ceeded, every man of them, in passing the exam- inations that entitled them to admission to the High School, and had entered into the full enjoy- ment of the long vacation, with deep feelings of thankfulness for their well nigh providential luck. There is a delicious feeling of freedom in the first day of the long vacation; an absolute freedom from care that comes but a few times during life. The amount of planning a boy does during those lOO REAL BOYS first few days would, if carried out to the letter, furnish constant effort and continuous travel from boyhood to extreme old age. Among other plans, our friends had long con- templated a day's trip up the river, and immedi- ately upon the closing of the schools arrangements were made for a combined fishing and bullfrogging excursion, to be prolific in huge strings of fish and vast quantities of frogs' legs. At that time there were but two boats on the river; the " Dido," a small white punt, and an enormous centre-board, known from its color as the " Blue Boat." A more capacious, stouter, or safer boat for boys could hardly be imagined, and early one morning the boys loaded it with a mis- cellaneous collection of supplies — a kettle, a spider, several dozen ears of green corn, a bag of potatoes, a piece of salt pork, a paper bag of meal, ditto of salt, ditto of sugar, a jug of coffee, several bottles of sweetened water, knives, forks, fishing tackle, butterfly nets, specimen cases, bottles of ether, etc., the latter articles belonging to the scientist of the expedition, Sir Potter Gorham. The boat had been secured by cash payment to its owner, the proceeds of a joint contribution, and REAL BOYS a further consideration in the shape of a joint note or listed indebtedness of seventy-five cents, matur- ing during the summer. The supplies were distributed with no casualty beyond the accidental stepping upon the paper of meal by Fatty, which necessitated the careful scraping up of the same with the bailing dipper. Then the bold buccaneers embarked, and amid a chorus of shrill directions the boat pursued a some- what unsteady and erratic course up the winding stream. The sun shone brightly, the big blue dragon- flies darted here and there, stopping suddenly in mid-air to point and balance on gauzy wings; hun- dreds of black, shiny lucky bugs swam around in dizzy circles; above, the kingfisher flew by, sound- ing his metallic watchman's rattle, and the hearts of the youngsters thrilled with expectation and de- light. As they passed " Cove Brook," two cows, stand- ing half submerged in the water, stared with mild amazement at the boat and its noisy occupants, and at its approach lumbered up the bank with much floundering and splashing, their retreat ac- I02 REAL BOYS celerated by a shower of well-aimed potatoes from the boat. The objective point in all such expeditions was the " Eddy," a point in the river where the current had cut a sudden widening at an abrupt twist of the stream into a broad deep basin, abounding in perch, pout and huge eels. On the north side of the basin a steep, high bank projected over the edge of the pool, forming the edge of a table-land of several hundred yards in width, covered with a growth of magnificent pines, each tree of great height, and as straight as a ship's mast. On the south side lay a long, low peninsula, covered with lush grasses, but treeless, save for a single graceful elm in the centre. The table-land was a favorite resort for picnic parties, and the residents of the town, appreciating the generosity of the owners in throwing it open to the public, took great pride in keeping it neat and trim. At the foot of the bank a beautiful spring of clear, cold water had been deepened into a well by sink- ing a barrel in the ground, and furnished a never failing supply. As the Eddy was nearly two miles from the boat landing, it took quite an hour for the heavy boat, 103 REAL BOYS propelled by the persistent but ill-directed exer- tions of Tomtit, Fatty, Puzzy and Stiffy, to reach that haven. Finally the boat turned the last cor- ner and entered the basin, and the oarsmen, con- siderably exhausted, but too proud to acknowl- edge it, dropped their oars, and prepared to wage relentless warfare against the inhabitants of the pool. And now an amusing misadventure befell the volatile Bug. The anchor of the boat was a heavy stone with an iron ring, secured to the boat by a long rope. As Bug lifted the heavy stone, clutching the ring with both hands, and prepared to heave it overboard. Fatty attempted to pass from one seat to another, stumbled, and fell heavily, which caused the boat to careen just to cause Bug to lose his balance. For a moment he tottered, twisted and writhed in complicated gymnastics, but finally went over- board with a yell, still retaining a spasmodic grip on the anchor, and disappeared Hke a flash, the taut line rasping groaningly over the gunwale. In a few seconds a host of ascending bubbles an- nounced that the anchor with its precious human freight had reached bottom, and in another mo- 104 REAL BOYS ment Bug reappeared, gasping, spitting, choking, and clawing wildly for the boat. At once willing hands seized him and dragged him into the boat, where he was stripped, and his clothing wrung into knots, and then spread out to dry as well as they could do it, for they were weak with laughter over the accident. Bug, who pronounced himself none the worse for the ducking, skirmished around for the next two hours in a state of nature, which in the warm sun he pronounced " bully." The boys then gave their undivided attention to fishing, with the result that a good string of perch and roach were obtained, when the growing appe- tites of the fishermen could no longer allow any delay in the preparations for dinner. The anchor was quickly raised, and the boat grounded on the bank. While some collected dry wood, others carried the supplies and material to the shore, cut forked sticks for a crane, hung the kettle, and in a short time a brisk fire had been started, and the corn was merrily bobbing up and down in the boiling, bub- bling water. Meanwhile Potter had neatly cleaned the fish, 105 REAL BOYS and carefully rolling- them in meal, had them browning and sputtering in the spider. As soon as the corn was pronounced done, and the fish browned, the coals were raked and the potatoes put to roast in the ashes, with a dozen or more eggs. Then each boy took a fish in one hand, and an ear of corn in the other, and addressed him- self to the all-important task of the day. And what a feast it was! Did any of them in after life taste a meal equal to the delicious, dirty fish, or the hot, fragrant corn? The jug of coffee, and the bottles of sweetened water passed from hand to hand, while each boy quafi'ed deep, gurg- ling draughts. Suddenly there was a loud explosion in the ashes, another and another followed, scattering hot coals, mealy potatoes, fried fish and eggshells in every direction. Bug, Puzzy and Tomtit dived over the bank like frogs; Plupy, Potter and Whacker fled frantically for the woods; while Fatty, unable to get on his feet quickly enough to suit the urgency of the occasion, rolled over and over with loud yells until he reached a large stump, behind which he crouched. For a few moments there was a scarcity of small 1 06 REAL BOYS boys in the neighborhood, but after a while Bug's head appeared, cautiously peeping over the bank. '' Gosh, Fatty ! " he piped. " What was it ? " " Dunno," said Fatty. " Have any of you fellers put cannon crackers into the fire ? " "How many times did it go off?" asked .Whacker. " 'Bout a hundred," replied Plupy, gingerly tip- toeing along from the shelter of a clump of bushes. At this moment a slight puff of steam from the fire caused them all to dive again for shelter, but as nothing happened they reappeared, and loudly marvelled at the occurrence. Plupy laid it to spirits; Puzzy to the probability that some hunter had been buried there during the Indian wars, and that his powder-horn had exploded; and this idea was favored by the majority, who were discussing the advisability of digging for the skeleton when Potter asked if anyone had pricked the eggs before putting them in the ashes. " Course not," sneered Fatty. " What yer want to prick 'em for? You don't prick 'em when you boil 'em, do you? " It required nice scientific explanation before the rest comprehended, but finally they approached 107 REAL BOYS the fire and made a careful examination. Sure enough the camp was smeared with bursted eggs and strewn with scattered coals and ashes, and the force of the explosion had broken the cross-pole, bringing the kettle down on the fire and causing a vast cloud of steam. Luckily the fish had nearly- all been eaten, and enough of the corn remained, albeit in a somewhat sandy condition, and a few roasted potatoes, to furnish a hearty meal. After dinner all hands went in swimming. What splendid dives from the old beech tree that leaned from the apex of the high bank over the pool; what bursting efforts were made to " sound " and bring up bottom from the middle of the basin ; and what a delicious shivery feeling one experienced whenever hands or feet struck the muddy, snaggy river bed. The boys were all good swimmers, and could float, tread water, turn backward and forward somersaults, " lay " their hair, and do other tricks that might excite the envy of professional swim- mers. After they came out, and while drying in the sun, and running races up and down the bank, they were startled by wild yells from Plupy, who had 1 08 REAL BOYS been sitting on a hollow stump at some distance from the rest, who were rather inclined to pelt him with mud, tie his shirt sleeves into hard knots, or take other and unwarrantable liberties with him and his personal belongings. Looking in his direc- tion, they were convulsed with merriment and de- light to see a naked, skinny form streaking it \ toward the river, wildly waving his arms and emit- ting hoarse howls, and surrounded by a cloud of vicious, yellow-bellied hornets. 109 REAt; BOYS Straight to the river bank this apparition flew, gave a leap Hke a frantic bullfrog, and disappeared in a shower of spray. For several seconds nothing was seen but the swarm of irate insects circling around the spot where Plupy was last seen, " lay- ing for him," as Tomtit tersely put it. But soon Plupy's head popped up about fifty yards away, and snivelling and sobbing he swam rapidly to the lower bank, where such of his companions as could stand — the most of them were rolling on the ground in convulsions of mirth — plastered his anatomy, now bearing a striking resemblance to a cranberry pudding, with mud to allay the sting. When the pain had in a measure subsided, Plupy dressed without removing the mud, and the rest of the afternoon was devoted to the exciting sport of pickerel fishing, a part of the boys fishing from the bank and the rest from the boat. Before the sun set their united catch, including some fine fish, was strung on a long beech withe, and anchored in shallow water to keep fresh, while the fishermen proceeded to take a slight refection from the re- mains of the dinner. While thus engaged, suddenly Potter cried, " Cracky, fellers, look at that snapper," at the no REAL BOYS same time pointing toward shallow water, where could be seen an enormous snapping turtle, with head outstretched after the manner of its kind, moving slowly toward the bank. " Easy, now, fellers," cautioned Whacker, " get a line and drop a hook in front of him, and we'll snatch him out lively." While Tomtit ran for a pole, the snapper caught sight of the string of fish, and, swimming rapidly to them, seized the nearest one by the tail, and be- fore the astonished fishermen could rush half way down the bank, it had backed into deep water and disappeared, dragging with it the entire string of fish. Great was the wrath and keen the disappoint- ment of the boys, who had been so proud of the fine fish that they had caught, from the sale of which they had planned to extinguish the debt for the boat. Puzzy sneeringly remarked that " if Plupy had any spunk he would have div in and got 'em." Whacker remarked that " if Potter had known anything at all he would have plugged him at first." At this point Fatty gloomily said that it was after seven o'clock, and they had better stop III ' REAL BOYS jawing and start for home, and after grumblingly packing up their kettle and pans, the disappointed fishermen piled into the boat and started on the long row home, which they reached without fur- ther mishap, except that Bug left his coat and vest drying on a stump at the camp. These he recov- ered the next day, in a very shrunken and wrinkled condition. 112 CHAPTER II " Och ! the Coronation ! what celebration For emulation can with it compare?" — Thomas Ingoldsby. For nearly a year the good people of Exeter had been greatly — yea, at times tumultuously ex- cited over the location of the new Seminary build- ing. A few years before, one William Robinson, a native of Exeter who had spent many years in the South, and had accumulated a fortune in dealing in resin, spruce gum and other marketable com- modities, died, leaving a will in which he made comparatively little provision for his family, but with a somewhat optimistic disregard of their future, bequeathed the bulk of his large fortune to his native town, ostensibly for the purpose of rendering young women — and Exeter young women in particular — accomplished in art, science, belles lettres, etc., and at the same time delightfully domestic, severely businesslike and eminently practical. 8 113 REAL BOYS For several years the town had been unable to realize on this estate by reason of a contest over the validity of the will, in which contest the widow very properly sought to recover of the estate some- thing more tangible than a wealth of memories. But about the time our story opens, the suit had been amicably adjusted, and the estate, consider- ably depreciated by lawyers' fees, court costs, and the widow's portion, became the prize for which different factions of the town warred fiercely. The location of a building site excited the fierc- est contention. There were two sites in the town, which, of many lots, seemed the best adapted to the needs of such a school. To a disinterested party the needs of a school must have been re- garded as air and water, for the lots chosen, the Thyng lot and Prospect Hill, were replete with both, and with little else. The Thyng lot was on the pine, or western side of the river, and consisted of several acres of hilly and marshy land, honeycombed with springs. An aqueduct company had at one time endeavored to lay a line of bored logs through this tract, but as they found that their logs sank out of sight faster than they could furnish them, the enterprise had 114 REAL BOYS to be given up, and the pits, ditches and holes their operations had left, became the abiding place of hideous water-bugs, snakes, and creeping things. At night the place resounded with the bellow of the bullfrog and the shrill piping of the hyla. Dismal stories of men and animals that had been mired and had sunk to a gruesome death were freely circulated by those opposed to this location. Prospect Hill, on the contrary, was a high and dry ridge of land on the east side of the river. It was very high, very bleak, and commanded an tm- interrupted view of a gravel-pit on one side, and the back doors of several parallel rows of small houses on the other. On the east there was a clear sweep for the piercing winds from the Atlantic, which had literally blown all but the largest bowlders from the crest of the hill. The " Hemlockers," as the residents east of the bridge were called, claimed the inestimable ad- vantages of natural sanitary conditions; the " Pineys," or westenders, unsurpassed railway and rapid transit facilities. The Pineys called the Hem- lockers " old fogies "; the Hemlockers retorted by stigmatizing the Pineys as " greasy mechanics." "5 REAL BOYS Those Piiieys who owned land in the vicinity of Prospect Hill, and who from prudent and selfish motives favored that location, were roundly abused by their neighbors and erstwhile friends ; while the lives of those Hemlockers who, for similar reasons, preferred the Thyng lot, were made a burden. Famihes were embroiled, the welfare and unity of churches seriously endangered, and the founda- tions of society shaken. Old friends became deadly enemies, and two of the oldest and most respected Christian gentlemen and citizens, from mild arguments proceeded to expostulation, from expostulation to vituperation, from vituperation to vigorous blows about their heads and shoulders with knotted canes, until separated by their scan- dalized friends. After several hotly contested town meetings, in which the Marquis of Queensberry rules were con- siderably more in evidence than Cushing's Manual, the matter was compromised by an agreement to locate the building on the Thyng lot, and to give the Pineys a majority of the governing board. And now the lot had been thoroughly drained, the location staked out, ground broken, and the entire energies of a reunited people were concentrated ii6 REAL BOYS upon a proper observance of the ceremony of lay- ing the corner-stone. Owing to a clause in the will, by which the town was to furnish the superstructure, there had been a considerable reluctance on the part of the tax- payers in accepting this legacy, and a serious ques- tion arose which threatened to deprive the town of the bountiful provision; but the voters, with that financial optimism and buoyancy that dis- tinguished them then as now, promptly borrowed some fifty or sixty thousand dollars of the estate, giving in payment notes without interest maturing on the thirtieth day of February in the year one million two hundred and fourteen, and payable in Confederate scrip. The local band had been engaged, and nightly for weeks had made hideous preparation for the event. The most clarion-voiced of local orators had long been gesticulating before their mirrors, and had spent long, toilsome hours in looking up and committing to memory long-forgotten quota- tions from the Latin and Greek, and in other prep- arations for impromptu remarks. The school chil- dren, cadets, secret societies, and societies not secret, had been carefully drilled by veteran sol- 117 REAL BOYS 'diers. Ox-teams had been trimmed with ever- greens and gay ribbons; carriage and cart horses had been trained to do duty as thoroughbred sad- dlers, and an unlimited quantity of fireworks had been secured and placed in the hands of respon- sible persons. The morning of the — tli dawned bright and fair, with a fresh west wind to temper the heat — an ideal day. Our young people were early abroad, neatly attired in yellow linen suits, false bosoms over checked flannel shirts, paper collars, string ties, and with their shoes, at least the fronts thereof, neatly blacked. The procession was to start at ten A.M. from in front of the town hall, and long before that time hundreds ' f teams from the adjoining towns brought loads of gaily dressed country people, all of whom felt a prospective interest in Exeter's new school. School children, cadets, secret society men with crimson yokes on their manly shoulders, ghttering decorations on their padded breasts, and shiny side arms, ran to and fro to take their stations, while the occasional view of a uniformed bandsman, who, with well assumed carelessness, strolled about with ii8 REAL BOYS the bell of his Instrument peeping from under his arm, whetted the anticipations of our friends to an exceeding sharpness. When Fatty appeared with a riding whip in his hand, and announced with pardonable pride that he was to ride the old family horse Chub in the procession, their envy knew no bounds. There was unexpected delay in starting the pro- cession, owing to the fact that at the first blare of fhe band the chief marshal's horse insisted upon an immediate adjournment, and at once proceeded to transport that gentleman some two miles into the open country, despite his frantic sawing and pro- fane comments. Upon his return the procession got under way without further mishap, and as the town had got- ten itself up without regard to expense, the decor- ations were marvels of magnificence, and the pro- cession, in the eyes of the populace, and of the small boys in particular, imposing in the extreme. At the head rode the chief marshal, ablaze with crimson sash and varnished boots, and with his sword hanging hilt down and on the wrong side. Next came the Exeter Cornet-a-Piston Band, in new and long-tailed uniforms, every man blowing 119 REAL BOYS himself black in the face. Next, escorted by a company of veterans, a float, upon which was a figure of Lincoln in the act of striking the shackles from a slave, surrounded by — according to the grammar school legend — " Thirty-six states, ten territories, and the District of Columbia," each represented by a young girl, dressed in red, white and blue, and bearing the name of the state in gold letters upon a white ground. The float was surmounted by a young lady impersonating the Goddess of Liberty. Following the float came the gaily decorated barges, containing school children singing patri- otic airs in jerks, as the heavy carts jolted over the uneven roads. Then came the trades procession, made up of tin peddlers' carts, grocers' teams, bakers' wagons, and druggists' outfits with 'huge bottles labelled with the names of local panaceas, such as " Goodwin's Grand Grease Juice," " Dr. Dearborn's Family Salve," Goodwin's Greeting Beer," with the then familiar couplet : " Lest lead lead thee to thy bier, Let not lead lead to thee thy beer." Then came carriages containing the orators of Z20 REAL BOYS the day, the members of the Building Committee, the Trustees, invited guests, and local dignitaries. The band played, the horses pranced, the dig- nitaries smiled, bowed and waved their gloved and perspiring hands, and the small boys whooped, cheered, ran, and jostled the bystanders. Our young friends kept abreast of the proces- sion, keeping Fatty in view as he sat proudly on the old horse, and encouraging him with loud shouts whenever that venerable charger showed signs of friskiness. This tendency in that ancient animal became more and more apparent as the march wore on. Either he recollected similar scenes in his far-away colthood, or became unduly exhilarated by the hoarse melody of the trom- bones; certain it is that he suddenly reared straight up and slid Fatty over his tail to the ground under the noses of the leaders on the float. The leaders at once backed on the pole horses, and the float came to an abrupt stop. The driver flew out of his seat and on to the backs of the pole horses, while the Goddess of Liberty toppled from her proud height, and fell with a wild shriek on the head and shoulders of the President, crushing his X2I REAL BOYS tall hat over his eyes, as he in turn crushed almost flat the unhappy colored brother. For a few moments the '' States " were threat- ened with disunion, and narrowly escaped being dissevered, discordant and belligerent, and with one accord screamed wildly, while the representa- tive of the down-trodden race, taking his emanci- pation as a fact beyond dispute, disengaged him- self from the wreck and fled to the sidewalk, wherp he somewhat profanely " 'lowed someone gwine git killed by dis yer fooHshing." The prompt action of the bystanders prevented an accident, and the Goddess of Liberty having been reinstated in her former commanding posi- tion, and further secession of the states prevented, the procession gaily continued its march. In the meantime Fatty, sound in limb, but dusty of gar- ments, had joined his friends, and the old horse, with uplifted head and tail, and distended nostrils, had galloped home, dodging fat women, apoplectic old men and baby carriages in a manner marvel- lous to see. After the parade there was a big dinner in a tent on the Seminary Grounds, to which none of our friends had tickets necessary for admission. REAL BOYS This fact, while in a measure a disappointment to them, " To see," as Whacker expressed it, " a lot of bald-headed old pods a-hogging down ice- cream," did not prevent them from thoroughly enjoying the many attractions afforded in the way of punching machines, lung testers, lifting ma- chines, peep shows, patent medicine men and elec- tric batteries. What could equal the exquisite pleasure of see- ing a friend clinging with a deathlike grip to the handles of a galvanic battery, while he danced frantically in a vain endeavor to let go ? After wit- nessing Fatty's and Plupy's performance, which would have conferred distinction upon a profes- sional acrobat, it seemed to the other boys that life held no greater pleasure. In the evening, with their ranks reinforced by such hard citizens as Beany, Cawcaw, Micky, Dutchy, and Stubby, they swarmed over the grounds Hke a cluster of bees, climbing upon the bandstand, trespassing upon that part of the ground sacred to the fireworks and being driven out by the keeper in charge, interrupting the speaker with cat-calls, chasing each other, and making nuisances of themselves after the manner 1.23 REAL BOYS of small boys, and visiting in turn the tubs of free lemonade. It was the first time in their lives that unlimited lemonade had fallen to their lots, and that oppor- tunity was made the most of, and their capabilities were so evenly balanced that to this day it is their proud boast that they absorbed during that eve- ning thirteen glasses each of that delectable bever- age. But not one of them cares to speak of the night that followed. Thirteen was in truth an un- lucky, but not quite a fatal number in their case. 124 CHAPTER 12 " Contrary to the form of the statute in such case made and provided, and against the peace and dignity of *he State." — Justice and Sheriff. The long vacation ended the first week in Sep- tember, and the fall term of the High School opened. As early as half-past eight the " High Schoolers," as they were called, assembled in the big school yard on Court Street. The yard, so quiet during the long summer months, now re- sounded with shouts, whoops and shrieks, as the boys chased each other, wrestled, tussled, and in various ways sought to work off their superabun- dant spirits. The incoming class was a large one, and was disposed to resent any patronage on the part of the next higher or third class. The second class was beginning to feel the dignity of its position, while the first class was composed chiefly of young men who had assumed the toga virilis, ordinarily known as the bobtailed coat, and who had forever 125 REAL BOYS discarded the false bosom for the complete linen shirt and paper collar of swelldom. Between the members of the higher and lower classes there was good-natured tolerance on one side and affectionate reverence on the other. Where were greater heroes in the eyes of the younger boys than Glynn, who threw Darlington the famous Academy athlete? Or Eastman, who could " plug " a hard rubber ball from the High School yard to the old Brewery on River Street? Or Fatty's brother Dan, who was supposed to be a knowing dog, and who drove fast horses and smoked real cigars? Or Jamieson, who was ru- mored to have had an unfortunate love affair with a prominent society lady, and who held himself apart from his friends and looked as one bereft of hope? Between the members of the third and fourth classes there was but little love lost, for at least the first week of the term. Indeed, the recesses, and the morning hour before school, were taken up for the most part in trying the strength and skill of the new boys in "rasslin," knocking off hats, and punching with bare fists, " no fair hittin' in the face." 126 REAL BOYS After these preliminaries had been disposed of, and before the usual subscription had been taken, time hung somewhat heavy on their hands. It happened that the old town hall, which stood f-*..»sa on one side of the High School yard, was unoc- cupied. This venerable building, which had echoed to the eloquence of Webster, Butler, Jere- miah Mason and John Sullivan, had been dis- carded by the town, and stood alone and neglected. 127 REAL BOYS One morning before school, Bug proposed to the boys that they should try and see who should throw a stone nearest the upper back window without striking it, and taking careful aim led of¥ with an excellent shot, perilously near the glass. He was followed by Fatty, who from prudent motives threw so wide of the mark that his at- tempt was greeted with loud hoots of derision. Several others followed with but indifferent suc- cess, until it came to Plupy's turn. Now Plupy's ambition was to excel in every sport, but he was seriously handicapped by a lack of natural ability to accomplish his aim. He now saw a chance to beat Bug, and selected a missile with great care and let drive. Alas! it was a scaler, and after describing a beautiful curve went smashing through a different window than the one aimed at, with a crash and jingle of flying glass. As Plupy, holding one leg in the air in horror, lifted it higher and higher as with bulging eyeballs he followed the deadly course of the stone, there was a silence of guilt, then a loud cheer. Then Bug, not to be outdone, picked up a larger stone and hurled it through one of the lower windows. X38 REAL BOYS At that moment the bell rang, and the boys trooped into school, casting curious and defiant glances at each other, as if they anticipated some stirring developments. It is a curious fact that whenever a peculiarly inexcusable piece of mischief is done by a boy, at once every other boy in sight and hearing is possessed of the demon of mischief to repeat the act. Whether the result of heredity or the in- herent depravity of boys, rest assured that not once during the afternoon did the boys forget the rattle of glass or the fascinating excitement of do- ing a dangerous and forbidden act. While Puzzy and Tommy Titmouse were apparently engrossed in Hilliard's Sixth Reader it is safe to say that they were mentally calculating the effect of particularly jagged stones they had in mind. That afternoon before school several panes of glass were broken, and as nobody interfered the boys began to grow bolder. It was interesting from a scientific standpoint to see how smoothly and silently a small round pebble would go through a pane, and how small a hole it would make; and exhilarating to mark the results that could be accomplished with a well-aimed brick. 9 129 REAL BOYS For several days the mischief continued, and the boys began to use large stones and heavy clubs, their aim being to see how many sashes could be broken. But Nemesis was on their track, and if one could have looked in on the selectmen's room one eve- ning they would have seen these three worthies in earnest conversation with the Chief of Police. The next day, after roll-call, there was a loud knock on the school door, which being opened dis- closed the burly proportions of the latter gentle- man, armed with a bundle of papers. There was an instant of horrified silence, and each guilty boy, with a gasp of consternation, buried himself behind the open covers of his atlas and studied frantically, as he mentally calculated the remote chances of escape, while the officer, after stating that great outrage had been com- mitted upon the town property, proclaimed that he had warrants for the arrest of thirty-five schol- ars, whose names he proceeded with painful dis- tinctness to read. The suspense of this reading none of those present at that time will forget. The feelings of the boy whose name came last, and who had been hoping, vainly hoping, that he 130 REAL BOYS would not be called for, can well be imagined. It was Plupy, who had only broken one window, and that by accident. The school was at once dis- missed, and the thirty-five delinquents, escorted ^'S.Q.ffcKcO. by the police and accompanied by the High School teacher and several of the parents who had got wind of the affair, proceeded at once to the office of Justice Bell, where, more dead than alive, they 131 REAL BOYS were arraigned and forced to listen to the reading of the warrants, which stated the complaint with a wealth of repetition and innuendo, and a cruel adroitness of description and a bewildering me- lange of unknown verbiage, calculated to strike conviction to the hardest and most unrepentant heart- The proceedings were somewhat brief, as all the respondents pleaded guilty, and the Court, after a sharp reprimand, fined them each three dollars, and gave all those who were unable to pay at once ten days in which to raise that amount. The cul- prits were then allowed to go to make arrange- ments for raising the money. The feelings of the boys can well be imagined. Bug was defiant, Puzzy depressed, and Whacker deeply mortified, as his dignity had received an almost mortal blow. Plupy was led forth in an almost dazed condition, completely overwhelmed with the severity of the sentence and the certainty of paternal wrath and condign punishment. Fatty didn't care much pro- vided his mother didn't find it out. He knew he could borrow the money of Dan, for he knew some things about Dan which that gentleman didn't care to have come to the knowledge of the family 132 REAL BOYS circle, and he had, presuming on this knowledge, for some time exacted tribute from Daniel, and reckoned with considerable certainty upon doing it another time. How the culprits finally adjusted matters with their parents is to this day not definitely known, but it was noticeable that for several weeks there were no more gatherings after supper, and that the Wednesday and Saturday half holidays were set apart by many of the boys for sawing wood, raking lawns, or working around yards and barns. For about a fortnight after the day of trial, 133 REAL BOYS glaziers worked industriously in replacing the three hundred and fifteen broken panes. In spite of the severity of the lesson it was evident that the authorities still distrusted the boys, for the windows were for complete security covered with a strong wire netting, which, after so many years, remains in place. 134 CHAPTER 13 " To-day the vessel will be launched, With fleecy clouds the sky is blanched, And o'er the bay, Slowly in all his splendors dight The great sun rises to behold the sight." The expensive experience of our friends in wrestling with the strong arm of the law, added to the debt incurred by them in hiring the blue boat, led to a council of ways and means. They had long wanted a boat, and about this time Potter had been presented with a copy of that delightful volume " Every Boy's Book of Sports and Amuse- ments," which contained a chapter devoted to boat building, in which was demonstrated beyond a peradventure that any boy of ordinary ingenuity can make a very serviceable craft with a board, a few barrel staves, and a half pound of shingle nails, or something to that effect. This article, on being read to the boys, created great enthusiasm. Naturally enough it seemed as if the opportu- nity for owning a boat was well nigh providential, 135 REAL BOYS and must be improved. It happened that Fatty's mother owned large piles of boards on the edge of the big field on Court Street, and was about to build a new barn to replace one recently lost by fire, and it was confidently suggested to Fatty that he could furnish all the necessary lumber without expense. Such confidence as this Fatty could not break, and at once assented, whether or not with his mother's assent the boys did not ask, as they very properly felt that it would be in the highest degree indelicate to pry into family affairs. It would take a very long chapter to chronicle the ludicrous mishaps of the boatbuilders during the next week; to detail the fingers that were pounded, the splinters that penetrated almost every part of their little bodies; the pile of boards that fell on Tomtit, and his rescue by the other boys; the gash in Fatty's leg caused by a vigorous but misdirected drive with a hatchet, and his jour- ney home astride of a board, supported by the united efforts of his sympathetic but over-loaded companions, would make a complete story by itself. Suffice it to say that by the following Saturday a flat-bottomed, square-ended bateau, capable of carrying eight or ten persons, was ready for 136 REAL BOYS launching. It was terribly heavy, but practically watertight, as it had been carefully caulked with rags, and soldered with pitch and tar, in which the architects had immersed themselves to the elbows. On this day great preparations had been made for the launching. A slide, built on the edge of the river, had been lavishly greased by liberal applica- tions of butter and lard, donated, as Fatty said, by the cook. A bottle of sweet cider, from the juice of 137 REAL BOYS early Astrachan apples, had been secured by Puzzy in the same darkly suspicious manner, and quite a gathering of the girl friends of the boys had been bidden to the launching, and had arrived, gay with ribbons, and coquettish in the extreme. Fatty furnished the requisite horse-power for the occasion in the person of old Chub, equipped with work harness and chain traces, and he was at once hitched to the boat for the journey through the field to the river's bank. Now Chub, as an an- cient servitor of the Oilman family, had taken unto himself some of the independent airs peculiar to old retainers, and was occasionally somewhat un- reliable with the boys. In the carriage or under saddle he would jog along as sedately as you please, but when put to special or unusual work he was liable to resent it. So in this case, when he comprehended the na- ture of the work to which he was about to be sub- jected, he baulked. Various experiments were tried without success. First Tomtit tried to put beans in his ear, but he swung his head round so quickly as to send that vigorous youth rolling several yards away. Next the confiding Plupy was induced to mount him, upon the supposition that as a peaceful saddle horse he would at once amble 138 REAL BOYS off, but he at once dropped his head and elevated his hind quarters, and poor Phtpy shot over his head in a most abrupt manner. Then, when further persuasion had failed, and despair had seized upon them, he suddenly started with a jerk that threw Puzzy and Whacker, who were seated on the rear seat with their respective best girls, over backwards, and left the girls sway- ing wildly and clutching each other, while the boys raced after the procession yelling whoa, and striv- ing in vain to head off the fiery beast. Finally, after frightening the girls about out of their wits, he stopped of his own accord, and be- came as docile as a lamb. The boat was then with- out much trouble pulled upon the slide, and the stays adjusted. Not without accident, however, for while the boys, several on each side, were busy with them, the boat suddenly started diagonally, and before they could get out of the way it shot off the incline sideways and turned completely over, burying Fatty, Puzzy, Whacker and Plupy. At once all was confusion. Loud howls of " Get off my legs ! " from Plupy, who was not quite all under the boat, and muffled entreaties to " Get off my head ! " from Puzzy, who was pinned down by the stalwart form of Fatty, were distinguishable 139 REAL BOYS amid the tumult. At once all rushed to the rescue, and girls and boys, with pieces of timber as levers, finally lifted the boat enough on one side to allow the imprisoned martyrs to crawl out, which they did with great expedition and with an entire want of dignity. Again the boat was elevated to the slide, and this time securely kept in position until the exer- cises were complete. These were impressive. In the bow of the boat one of the girls stood with the bottle of cider in her hand, and recited with great fervor " The Launching of the Ship." The pro- gramme contemplated the breaking of the bottle on the bow of the boat at the close of the oration, and just before the boat started. Unfortunately, the boys to whom the duty had been entrusted performed it so promptly that the boat started al- most before the last line had passed her lips. Not to be behindhand, she struck vigorously just as the boat slid by Fatty. Unlike the ryreat Lord of Luna, who, " Missed the helm but gashed his thigh," she struck Fatty a resounding blow squarely on the top of his head, breaking the bottle and drenching Iiim witli tlie contents; while the boat, like a thing endowed with life, plunged down the greased incline, and slid across the stream, 140 ^'^'5 -^-^^s-— f.r;g^^. %: ', .e-P^ pi, REAL BOYS leaving the young lady sitting in the green ooze and mud on the edge of the water, from which dis- agreeable position she was rescued in a most for- lorn state. After the ladies present had discreetly retired behind various trees, Plupy and Bug peeled and swam across the river after the boat, which they secured, and in which the ladies were treated to a sail, not including the elocutionist, who had gone home mad. 141 CHAPTER 14 THE BOYS GIVE A PICNIC "The was cowld ice-crame 'n crame thot wuz hot, The wus Roman punch froze up in snowballs/ n sparrowgrass, Paty de f oi grass, whativer thot may be Made out ov goose livers in grase, The wuz rid-headed dooks, 'n salmon 'n peas Bottle nosed pickeril, paruvian ostriches, Corn bafe 'n cabbige, 'n biled Mur-r-phy praties 'N ivery thing ilse thot wud plaze." — The Christening. The advent of a new boat on the river turned the minds of the proprietors of that remarkable conveyance to thoughts of hospitality. The boys ihad for several days indulged in earnest discus- sion over the proper method of entertaining their lady friends. Indeed the discussion had on one occasion taken quite a personal turn, and the par- ticipants had indulged in much recrimination. Whacker, who entertained a passion for a young lady living on Town Hill, had been taunted with that fact by his brothers Bug and Puzzy, and had at once dared " Three among them to face, 142 REAL BOYS him on the bloody sand." There being but two, and those two accepting the invitation with en- thusiasm, a most interesting fistic argument was the immediate result. Plupy, too, had rather more to say than usual, owing to his good fortune in the possession of certain attractive sisters, whose fascinations had so worked upon the sensitive natures of Doctor (Willy) Swett and Dany Wingate, that they deemed an ofifensive and defensive league with the ever verdant Plupy much to be desired. Indeed, in the course of the discussion, when Fatty intimated a fell intention to put a " tin ear " on Plupy, a proceeding utterly unnecessary in view of that stripling's ample equipment, he was dumbfounded at the promptitude with which Doctor and Dany stepped out and informed him that before he licked Plupy he must lick them. These unexpected but welcome reinforcements so encouraged the hitherto peaceful Plupy that in language suitable to the theme he walked into Fatty and soon stripped that gentleman of every shred of character, secure in the protection so op- portunely vouchsafed. Notwithstanding the apparent acrimony of the proceedings, it was impossible for these young- US REAL BOYS sters to nourish ill-feeling for more than a few minutes at a time, and an amicable adjustment of the matter was finally arrived at by the terms of which it was agreed to hold a picnic at the Eddy on the following Saturday. Each boy w^as to invite a companion dear to his heart, for whose comfort, safety and well-being he was to be severally responsible during the day. He was to importune the young lady honored with his invitation to cook, boil, bake, fry or otherwise prepare sundry viands for the refresh- ment of the assemblage, or failing in this, to pro- cure and provide the same by cajolery, persuasion, entreaty, right of discovery, trover or petty lar- ceny, from blood relations, collaterals, or chance acquaintances. As the boat would accommodate but eight per- sons, half the boys, with their respective partners, were to start for the Eddy by boat, and the re- maining half were to w-alk, reversing the method on the return. On Saturday morning a brilliant assemblage met on the river bank, the girls brave in ribbons and many-colored plaids, the boys in yellow linen suits of exceeding stiffness and starchiness. Sev- eral of the young ladies wore their hair in be- 144 REAL' BOYS coming ringlets, while those whose hair had been, in deference to a prevailing custom, cut the pre- vious spring, confined their abbreviated tresses in beaded nets of the latest style. And now, for some inexplicable reason, quite common, however, in gatherings of this sort, great formality and precision of address prevailed. The gentlemen commonly known as Bug, Fatty, Plupy, Puzzy, Potter, etc., now were known to each other by the less familiar but more euphoni- ous Oilman, Chadwick, Shute, etc., and to the ladies as Mister Oilman, Mister Chadwick, Mister Shute, etc. ; while the young ladies known upon less ceremonious occasions as Lil and Jen and Keene and Nell and Cele, and by other affection- ate and familiar appellations, now were addressed as Miss Lilly and Miss Jenny and Miss Keene and Miss Nelly. All the ladies turned out their toes when they walked, and held their heads very high, and shrieked delicate little shrieks when the boat rocked, while the young gentlemen looked brave and fierce, and talked knowingly about keeping her trim and on an easy keel, and passing the sup- plies aft, and looking out for the starboard sweep lo 145 REAL BOYS and other nautical expressions pertinent to the matter in hand. As the boat, bearing its precious freight slowly breasted the current the rest of the party on invita- tion of Fatty repaired to his barn, where, to their great delight, they found a capacious farm wagon had been provided with chairs, and, to quote the polite formula of that gentleman, " The carriage was waiting, ladies." Plupy, having no partner, owing to his being, if not a " laggard in love " at least unfortunate in that pursuit, was at once elected as charioteer and took a seat on the dash-board, while the others, arranging themselves in pairs on the seats pro- vided, shouted to the impatient Plupy to " let him go." Plupy improved the occasion to administer a sharp cut to poor Chub as an incentive to well doing. There was a snort, a plunge forward, a chorus of shrill screams, a waving of legs, plaid skirts and yellow linen, a rattling of chairs, and a breaking of wagon wheels, and the entire load of happy passengers was unceremoniously dumped on the driveway, while the excited and justly re- sentful horse made a break for the yawning stable 146 REAL BOYS ioor, unmindful of Plupy's frantic efforts to pull him down. The dishevelled ladies were rescued, brushed, dusted and consoled by the graceful and tactful courtesy of Fatty's mother, whose presence alone prevented the immediate rnobbing of Plupy. All thoughts of again mounting the conveyance being out of the question, they started on foot for the Eddy, Fatty, whose plans had been prema- turely ruined by Plupy's malfeasance in of^ce, covertly shaking his fist at that lanky youth and breathing maledictions and threats to "just wait and see if I don't lam you." In spite of the delay occasioned by the accident they arrived at the picnic grounds considerably in advance of the boat, and without special incident, except that Plupy, in attempting to shin a picket fence, had split the leg of his trousers neady to the waist line, which had occasioned that worthy con- siderable mortification, as, holding himself to- gether with one hand and with the other clutching his hat, he sped for home to make a necessary change of apparel. And now joyful shouts and the regular thump of rowlocks announced the approach of the boat, which soon swung round the bend with Doc and 147 REAL BOYS Whacker pulling sturdily, although in a highly apoplectic state, the ladies now waving their hand- kerchiefs and now trailing their fair hands in the water, which greatly added to the labor of the oars- men, who were, however, too polite to speak of it. Arriving at the landing place, a tree stump pro- jecting over the pool, the boat, like Mary's little lamb, was tethered to a stone, and the gentlemen contended for the honor of assisting the ladies to alight, which with delicate little screams and with great agility three of them proceeded to do. And now dire misfortune befell Dany's companion, for when Fatty, standing on the narrow stump, grace- fully extended his hand to assist her from the boat he forgot that his plump proportions left about as much room on the stump as might be safely oc- cupied by a chipping bird. In consequence of this, when she jumped, impelled by a vigorous pull from the powerful arms of Fatty, she struck him full in his manly stomach, at which he sat violently down with a gasping " oof," while she, rebound- ing from the impact, sank to her neck in the cool waters and remained cHnging frantically to the stump and shrieking fortissimo. Instantly the most tremendous excitement took possession of the picnickers. While the girls 148 REAL BOYS shrieked wildly the boys with one accord tore down the bank, shouting words of cheer and shrill directions. In a trice a human chain was formed, the idea emanating from the practical mind of Potter, who had read of similar feats performed by the monkeys of South America, and the imperilled fair one was snatched from her uncomfortable po- sition and with such rapidity that her arm was nearly pulled from its socket, whereupon she showed proper gratitude by calling Fatty a " big lummux " and taking refuge in tears, while the boys heaped ignominy on that much-tired youth, who stoutly repelled the insinuation that he " done it a-purpose." At this juncture an event occurred most op- portunely to dissipate angry feelings. Plupy, who had made the best of his time in changing his rai- ment, and running and walking through the wood- path, had heard the shrieks and shouts of "Keene's ill the river! " " Keene's in the river! " and came charging up the path at a rate of speed perfectly phenomenal, and with a look on his countenance of horrified interrogation. Noting the tears and commotion, and believing his sister at the bottom of the river, he rushed to- 149 REAL BOYS ward the bank shouting : " Where did she go down ? Tell me, fellerSj where she went down ! " Bug, seizing the opportunity, pointed to a place a few feet from the lower bank where a few bubbles were* rising, and fltlpyj tearihg off his coat and casting aside his hat, dived from the bank like atl otten Unfortunately the Water at the place indicated by Bug Was only aboltt two feet deep, and When Plilpy struck his body seemed to shut like an aC-^ cordion^ while his legs apparently flew in every direction, and when he arose his head was plas- tered with slime, mud, pickerel weed and water snails, while his state of mind was not improved at the unbounded merriment of his friends. After he had Washed off the coating of mud he waded ashore and retired to the forest primeval to remove and wring out his garments and re- habilitate himselfj while his companion in misfor- tunej accompanied by one of the young ladies, to soften the maternal Wrath and secure her return, sloppily trailed homeward, whence they triumph- antly returned after about all hour's absence. During their absettce the fire had been kindled, the cloth laid with an enticing supply of provi- sions. There was a certain similarity in the con- 150 REAL BOYS tributions, however, while the lass from Town Hill contributed apple tarts and pickles, the girl from Spring Street furnished gooseberry tarts and picklelilly, while the diminutive lady from Front Street produced cranberry turnovers, Astrachan apples, and jumbles, and the Court Street repre- sentatives disclosed cream pie, seed cakes, and green gage jam sandwiches. Lemonade and cur- rant shrub furnished the liquid part of the enter- tainment, to which they applied themselves with the appetites of youth, all present consnmipg vast quantities of semi-solids and liquids, although the ladies protested thv they could not eat a mouth- ful, their nerves having been so upset by the thrilling rescue of the imperilled. After dinner, in response to invitations of the gentlemen, the Sisters from Court Street sang that cheerful ditty " The Gypsy's Warning," nearly re- ducing the company to tears by their lugubrious rendering of those pregnant words: — " Lady, in that green grave yonder-r-r-r-r Lies the Gypsy's only che-e-e-e-e-ild." This was followed by another duet in thirds by the young ladies from Court Street, entitled 151 REAL BOYS " Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," evidently in- tended as a hit at Fatty, who, crouched up against a tree, was apparently developing somnolent ten- dencies to a marked degree. Indeed the entire company gradually became very quiet. Suddenly Fatty, upon whose brow beads of cold perspiration had started, and whose complexion had suddenly taken on a most un- healthy greenish hue, feigned a desire to see if he could find a squirrel's nest, and bolted for a clump of dwarf cedars, from the depths of which shortly arose hideous sounds of distress. Now whether from that spirit of imitation that is pronounced so flattering to its object, or from other reasons of a purely physical nature, several members of the party were taken violently ill and groaned dismally, to the great dismay and terror of their companions. But their illness was of short duration, for a sudden crackling of flames and clouds of pungent smoke arose and smote their childish hearts with terror. During the concert the fire had crept un- noticed to the edge of the underbrush, and now gathering force from the sun-dried brush was rapidly making for the large timber. In an in- 152 REAL BOYS slant sickness was forgotten, and all hands became heroic, desperate fire-fighters. With pails, pitchers, tin cans and bailing dip- per, a bucket-line to the river was formed, while some beat the flames with hemlock boughs, and others drenched the ground. The flames roared at them, scorched their faces and singed their shoes, yet they fought on despairingly, conscious that an awful forest fire would ensue should the fire get to the belt of thick trees. And now there was a sound of trampling hoofs, and from far down the Eddy path came old Chub, with ears laid back and outstretched neck, while erect in the long wagon, with shirt thrown open, and snow-white hair and beard flying in the wind, stood a magnificent figure, old Edward Giddings, the Superintendent of the farm, urging on the old horse with hoarse shouts, while clinging to the swaying wagon were his men, Gilroy, Flanagan, and Elliot. Oh, it was a grand sight to see the horse with great bounds sweep around into the clearing, the wagon careering on two wheels and the erect fig- ure balancing like a centaur, and a fine sight to see those seasoned fighters charge the common enemy. Even then it was a hard fight, and not »53 REAL BOYS until all hands were nearly exhausted was the dan- ger over. And now behold our children, children now, with all their airs and graces forgotten, children r.iV..an.u