PI Us 4884 Southern Branch of the University of California Los Angeles Form L-l ■ This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. j ^JL 2 4 RECT fVU b 950 «AY4 iSSfr 5w-8,'21 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN LC L free and Independent lam THE CONFESSIONS CON CREGAN «&t frisk fs might be seen the winding flight of stairs that lead to the upper town, alike dark with the moving tide of men. Ou every embrasure and gallery, on every terrace and platform, it was the same. Never did I behold such a human tide! Now, there was something amazingly inspiriting in all this, particularly when coming from the solitude and monotony of 140 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. a long voyage. The very voices that ye-hoed ; the hoarse challenge of the sentinels on the rock ; the busy hum of the town — made delicious music to my ear ; and I could have stood and leaned over the bulwark for hours to gaze at the scene. I own no higher interest invested the picture, for I was ignorant of Wolfe. I had never heard of Montcalm ; the plains of " Abra'm " were to me but grassy slopes, and " nothing more." It was the life and stir — the tide of that human ocean, on which I longed myself to be a swimmer — these were what charmed me. Nor was the deck of the old Hampden inactive all the while, although seldom attracting much of my notice. Soldiers were mustering, knapsacks packing, rolls calling, belts buffing, and coats brushing on all sides; men grumbling ; sergeants cursing ; officers swearing ; half-dressed invalids popping up their heads out of hatch- ways, answering to wrong names, and doctors ordering them down again with many an anathema ; soldiers in the way of sailors, and sailors always hauling at something that inter- fered with the inspection-drill ; every one in the wrong place, and each cursing his neighbour for stupidity. At last the shore-boats boarded us, as if our confusion wanted anything to increase it. Red-faced harbour-masters shook hands with the skipper and pilot, and disappeared into the " round-house " to discuss grog and the late gales. Officers from the garrison came out to welcome their friends — for it was the second battalion we had on board of a regi- ment whose first had been some years in Canada — and then what a rush of inquiries were exchanged. " How's the Duke ? " " All quiet in England ? " " No signs of war in Europe?" " Are the 8th come home ? " "Where's Forbes ?" " Has Davern sold out?" — with a mass of such small in- terests as engage men who live in coteries. Then there were emissaries for newspapers, eagerly hunt- ing for spicy rumours not found in the last journals ; waiters of hotels, porters, boatmen, guides, Indians with moccasins to sell, and a hundred other functionaries bespeaking custom and patronage ; and, although often driven over the side most ignominiously at one moment, certain to reappear the next at the opposite gangway. How order could ever be established in this floating Babel I knew not, and yet at last all got into train somehow. First one large boat crammed with men, who sat even on the gunwales, moved slowly away; then another and another followed; a lubberly thing, half lighter half jolly-boat, was soon loaded with baggage — amid which some soldiers' wives QUEBEC. 141 and a scattering population of babies were seen ; till by de- grees the deck was cleared, and none remained of all that vast multitude, save the "mate" and the "watch;" who proceeded to get things " ship-shape," pretty much in the same good-tempered spirit servants are accustomed to put the drawing-rooms to rights, after an entertainment which has kept them up till daylight, and allows of no time for sleep. Till then I had not the slightest conception of what a voyage ended meant, and that when the anchor dropped from the bow a scene of bustle ensued to which nothing at sea bore any proportion. Now, 1 had no friends — no one came to welcome me — none asked for my name. The officers, even the captain, in the excitement of arriving, had forgotten all about me ; so that when the mate put the question to me, " why I didn't go ashore ? " I had no other answer to give him than the honest one, " that I had nothing to do when I got there." " I suppose you know how to gain a livin' one way or t'other, my lad?" said he, with a very disparaging glance out of the corner of his eye. " I am ashamed to say, sir, that I do not." " Well, I never see'd Picaroons starve, that's a comfort you have ; but as we don't mean to mess you here, you'd better get your kit on deck, and prepare to go ashore." Now the kit alluded to was the chest of clothes given to me by the captain, which, being bestowed for a particular purpose, and with an object now seemingly abandoned or forgotten, I began to feel scruples as to my having any claim to. Like an actor whose engagement had been for one part, I did not think myself warranted in carrying away the ward- robe of my character ; besides, who should tell how the captain might resent such conduct on my side. I might be treated as a thief! — I, Con Cregan, who had registered a solemn vow in my own heart to be a " gentleman : " such an indignity should not be entertained even in thought. Yet was it very hard for one in possession of such an admirable wardrobe to want a dinner — for one so luxuriously apparelled on the outside, to be so lamentably unprovided within. From the solution of this knotty question I was most fortunately preserved by the arrival of a corporal of the — th, who came with an order from Captain Pike, that I should at once repair to his quarters in the Upper Town. Not being perhaps in his captain's confidence, nor having any very clear notion of my precise station in life — for I was dressed in an old cloak and a foraging cap — the corporal delivered his message to me with a military salute, 142 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. and a certain air of deference very grateful to my feel- ings. " Have you a boat alongside, corporal ? " said I, as I lounged listlessly on the binnacle. " Yes, sir ; a pair of oars — will that do ? " 11 Yes, that will do," replied I, negligently ; u see my traps safe on board, and tell me when all's ready." The corporal saluted once more, and went to give the necessary directions : meanwhile the mate, who had been a most amazed spectator of the scene, came over and stood right opposite me, with an expression of the most ludicrous doubt and hesitation. It was just at that moment that, in drawing the cloak round me, I discovered in a pocket of it an old cigar-case. I took it out with the most easy non- chalance, and leisurely striking a light, began smoking away, and not bestowing even a glance at my neighbour. Astonishment had so completely gotten the better of the man, that he could not utter a word ; and I perceived that he had to look over the side, where the boat lay, to assure himself that the whole was reality. " All right, sir," said the corporal, carrying his hand to his cap. I arose languidly from my recumbent position, and followed the soldier to the gangway ; then turning slowly around, I surveyed the mate from head to foot, with a glance of mild but contemptuous pity, while I said, " In your station, my good man, the lesson is perhaps not called for, since you may rarely be called on to exercise it ; but I would wish to observe, that you will save yourself much humiliation, and consider- able contempt, by not taking people for what they seem by externals." With this grave admonition, delivered in a half- theatrical tone of voice, I draped my " toga," so as to hide any imperfection of my interior costume, and descended majestically into the boat. When we reached the barrack, which was in the Upper Town, the captain was at mess ; but had left orders that I should have my dinner, and be ready at his quarters, in my full livery, in the evening. I dined, very much to my satisfaction, on some of the " debris " of the mess ; and under the auspices of the captain's servant, arrayed myself in my new finery, which, I am free to confess, presented what artists would call " a flashy bit of colour ;" being far more in the style of Horace Vernet than Van Dyke. Had the choice been given me, I own I should have preferred wooing Fortune in more sombre habiliments : QUEBEC. 143 but this was a mere minor consideration — and so I felt, as I found myself standing alone in the captain's sitting room, and endeavouring to accustom myself to my own very showy identity, as reflected in a large cheval glass, which exhibited me down to the very buckles of my shoes. I will not affirm it positively, but only throw it out as a hint, that the major part of a decanter of sherry, which I discussed at dinner, aided in lifting me above the paltry con- sideration of mere appearance, and made me feel what I have often heard ragged vagabonds in the streets denominate, " the dignity of a man." By degrees, too, I not only grew reconciled to the gaudy costume, but began — strange accommodation of feeling — actually to enjoy its distinctive character. " There are young gentlemen, Con," said I, in soliloquy, " many are there who would look absurd merry-andrews if dressed in this fashion. There are fellows to whom this kind of thing would be a sore test ! These bright tints would play the very devil with their complexion — not to mention that every one's legs couldn't afford such publicity ! But Con, my friend, you have a natural aptitude for every shade of colour, and for every station and condition. Courage, my boy ! although in the rear rank at present, you'll march in the van yet. Nature has been gracious with you, Mr. Cregan ! " said I, warming with the subject, while with my hands deep down in my coat-pockets, I walked backward and forward before the glass, stealing sidelong glances at myself as I passed ; " there are fellows who, born in your station, would have died in it, without a bit more influence over their fate in this life than a Poldoody oyster ; they'd vegetate to the end of existence, and slip out of the world, as a fellow shirks out of a shebeen- house when he hasn't tu'pence for another ' dandy' of punch. Not so with you, Con Cregan ! You have hydrogen in you— you have the buoyant element that soars above the vulgar herd. These are not the partial sentiments of a dear friend, Con ; they are the current opinions of the world about you. How soon the ' Captain ' saw what stuff you were made of. How long was old Pike in detecting the latent powers of your intellect ? " What a shout of laughter followed these words ! It came from half a dozen officers, who, having entered the room during my apostrophe, had concealed them- selves behind a screen to listen to the peroration. They now rushed out in a body, and throwing themselves into chairs and upon sofas, laughed till the very room rang with the clamour, the captain himself joining in the emotion 144 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. with all his heart. As for me, however self-satisfied but one moment back, I was humbled to the very earth now ; the vauntings by which I had been soothing my vanity were suddenly turned into scoffs and sneers at my self-conceit, and I actually looked to see if I could not leap out of the window, and never be seen by one of the party again. The window, however, was barred — the door was unapproachable — there was a fire in the grate — and so, as escape was denied me, I at once abandoned a plan which I saw unfeasible ; and with a quickness to which I owe much in life, immediately adopted an opposite tactic. Assuming a deferential position, I drew back towards the wall, to be laughed at, as long as the honour- able company should fancy it. " So, Mr. Cregan, " cried one, drying his eyes with his handkerchief, " modesty is one of those invaluable gifts with which nature has favoured you ? " " I sincerely trust it may be no bar to your advancement," said another. " Kather cruel," added a third, " to be balked for such a mere trifle." " I say, Pike," added another, " I rather envy you the insinuated flattery of your discrimination. It would seem that you detected the precious metal here at once." " What country do you come from, boy ? " said a hard- featured old officer, who had laughed less than the others. "How can you ask, Chudleigh ? " said another; "there's only one land rears that plant." " There's a weed very like it in Scotland, M'Aldine," said the captain, with a grin which the last speaker did not half relish. " You're Hirish, ain't you ? " said a very boyish-looking ensign, with sore eyes. " Yes, sir." "Very much so, I fancy," said he, laughing as though he had been very droll. " I always heard your countrymen had wings ; what has become of them ? *' " I believe we used to have, sir ; but the English plucked us," said I, with a look of assumed simplicity. " And what is all that about the Blarney stone?" said another ; " isn't there some story or other about it ? " " It's a stone they kiss in my country, sir, to give us a smooth tongue." " I don't see the great use of that," rejoined he, with a stupid look. QUEBEC. 145 " It's mighty useful at times, sir," said I, with a half glance towards Captain Pike. " You're too much, gentlemen, far too much for my poor friend Con," said the captain : " you forget that he's only a poor Irish lad. Come, now, let us rather think of starting him in the world, with something to keep the devil out of his pocket." And with this kind suggestion, he chucked a dollar into his cap ; and then commenced a begging tour of the room, which, I am ready to confess, showed the company to be far more generous than they were witty. " Here, Master Con," said he, as he poured the contents into my two hands, " here is wherewithal to pay your footing at Mrs. Davis's. As a traveller from the old country, you'll be expected to entertain the servants' hall — do it liberally ; there's nothing like a bold push at the first go off." " I know it, sir ; my father used to say that the gentleman always won his election who made most freeholders drunk the first day of the poll." " Your father was a man of keen observation, Con." " And is, sir, vstill, with your leave, if kangaroo meat hasn't disagreed with him, and left me to sustain the honours of the house." "Oh, that's it, Con, is it? " said Captain Pike, with a sly glance. ' fc Yes, sir, that's it," said I, replying more to his look than his words. " Here's the letter for Mrs. Davis— you'll present it early to-morrow ; be discreet — keep your own counsel, and I've no doubt you'll do well." " I'd be an ungrateful vagabond, if I made your honour out a false prophet," said I; and bowing respectfully to the company, 1 withdrew. " What a wonderful principle of equilibrium exists be- tween one's heart and one's pocket ! " thought I, as I went downstairs. " I never felt the former so light as now that the latter is heavy." 1 wandered out into the town, somewhat puzzled how to dispose of myself for the evening. Had I been performing the part of a " walking gentleman," I fancied I could have easily hit upon some appropriate and becoming pastime. A theatre — there was one in the " Lower Town" — and a tavern afterwards, would have filled the interval before it was time to go to bed. " Time to go to bed ! " — strange phrase ! born of a thousand-and-one conventionalities. For some, thac time comes when the sun has set, and with its last beams of L 146 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. rosy light reminds labour of the coming morrow. To some it is the hour when wearied faculties can do no more — when tired intellect falters "by the way," and cannot keep the " line of march." To others, it comes with dawning light, and when roses and rouge look ghastly ; and to others, again, whose " deeds are evil," it is the glare of noon-day. Now, as for me, I was neither wearied by toil nor pleasure ; no sense of past fatigue — no anticipation of coming exertion — invited slumber ; nay, I was actually more wakeful than I had been during the entire evening, and I felt a most im- pulsive desire for a little social enjoyment — that kind of intercourse with strangers, which I always remarked had the effect of eliciting my own conversational qualities, to a degree that astonished even myself. In search of some house of entertainment — some public resort — I paced all the streets of the Upper Town, but to no purpose. Occasionally, lights in a drawing-room, and the sound of a piano, would tell where some small evening party was assembled ; or now and then, from a lower story, a joyous roar of laughter, or the merry chorus of a drinking- song, would bespeak some after-dinner convivialities ; but to mingle in scenes like these, I felt that I had yet a long road to travel — ay, to pass muster in the very humblest of those circles, what a deal had I to learn ! How much humility, how much confidence ; what deference, and what self- reliance , what mingled gravity and levity ; what shades and gradations of colour, so nicely balanced and proportioned too, that, unresolved by the prism, they show no preponder- ating tint — make up that pellucid property men call " Tact ! " Ay, Con, that is your rarest gift of all ! only acquire that, and you may dispense with ancestry, and kindred, and even wealth itself; since he who has "tact" participates in all these advantages, " among his friends" As I mused thus, I had reached the " Lower Town," and found myself opposite the door of a tavern, over which a brilliant lamp illuminated the sign of " The British Grena- dier," a species of canteen, in high favour with sergeants and quarter-masters of the garrison. I entered boldly, and with the intention of behaving generously to myself; but scarcely had I passed the threshold, than I heard a sharp voice utter in a half-whisper, " Dang me, if he an't in livery ! " I did not wait for more. My "tact" assured me that even there I was not admissible ; so I strolled out again, muttering to myself, "When a man has neither friend nor supper, and the hour is past midnight, the chances are it is QUEBEC* 147 • time to go to bed ;'" and with this sage reflection, I wended my way towards a humble lodging-house on the quay, over which on landing I read the words, *' The Emigrant' 3 Home." CHAPTER XIV. HOW I "FELL IN" AND u OUX" WITH "THE WIDOW DAVIS." For the sake of conciseness in this veracious history, I prefer making the reader acquainted at once with facts and indivi- duals, not by the slow process in which the knowledge of them was acquired by myself, but in all the plenitude which intimate acquaintance now supplies ; and although this may not seem to accord with the bit-by-bit and day-by-day nar- rative of a life, it saves a world of time, some patience, and mayhap some skipping too. Under this plea, I have already introduced Sir Dudley Broughton to the reader ; and now, with permission, mean to present Mrs. Davis. Mrs. Davis, relict of Thomas John Davis, was a character so associated with Quebec, that to speak of that city without her, would be like writing an account of Newfoundland and never alluding to the article " cod-fish." For a great number of years her house had been the rendezvous of everything houseless, from the newly come " married " officer to the flash commercial traveller from the States ; from the agent of an unknown land company to the " skipper " of a rank pretentious enough to dine at a boarding-house. The esta- blishment — as she loved to style it — combined all the free- and-easy air of domesticity with the enjoyment of society. It was an " acted newspaper," where paragraphs, military and naval, social, scandalous, and commercial, were fabri- cated with a speed no " compositor " could have kept up with. Here the newly-arrived subaltern heard all the pipeclay gossip, not of the garrison, but of the Province; here the bagman made contracts and took orders ; here the " French Deputy " picked up what he called afterwards in the Chamber " l'opinion publique ; " and here the men of pine- logs and white deal imbibed what they fervently believed to be the habits and manners of the " English aristocracy." l 2 148 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. " To invest the establishment with this character," to make it go forth to the world as the mirror of high and fashionable life, had been the passion of Mrs. D.'s existence. Never did monarch labour for the safeguard that might fence and hedge round his dynasty more zealously : never did minister strive for the guarantees that should ensure the continuance of his system. It was the moving purpose of her life ; in it she had invested all her activity, both of mind and body ; and as she looked back to the barbarism from which her generous devotion had rescued hundreds, ,-he might well be pardoned it' a ray of self-glorification lighted up her face. " When I think of Quebec, when T. J." — her familiar mode of alluding to the defunct Thomas John — " and myself first beheld it," would she say, " and see it now, I believe I may be proud." The social habits were indeed at a low ebb. The skippers, — ■ and there were few other strangers, — had a manifest con- tempt for the use of the fork at dinner, and performed a kind of sword-exercise while eating, of the most fearful kind. Napkins were always misconstrued— the prevailing impres- sion being that they were pocket-handkerchiefs. No man had any vested interest in his own wine-glass ; while thirsty- souls even dispensed with such luxuries, and drank from the bottle itself. Then sea-usages had carried themselves into shore life. The company were continually getting up to look out of windows, watching the vessels that passed, remarking on the state of the tide, and then resuming their places with a muttering over the " half ebb," and that the wind was " northing-by-west," looked for change. All the conversa- tion smacked of salt-water; every allusion had an odour of tar and seaweed about it. Poor Mrs. Davis ! how was she to civilize these savages ? how invest their lives w^ith any interest above timber ? They would not listen to the polite news of " Government House ;" they would not vouchsafe the least attention to the interest- ing paragraphs she recited as table-talk, — how the Prince of Hohenhumbughousen had arrived at Windsor on a visit to Majesty ; nor how Royalty walked in " The Slopes," or sat for its picture. Of the Duke of Northumberland, they only knew a troop- ship of the name, and even that had been water-logged! The Wellington traded to Mirimachi, and the Robert Peel was a barque belonging to Newfoundland, and employed in general traffic, and not believed very seaworthy. Same may make the ungracious remark, that she might HOW I " FELL IN AND have spared herself this task of humanizing — that she could have left these "ligneous Christians," these creatures of tar and turpentine, where she found them. The same observa- tion will apply equally to Cooke, to Franklin, to Brooke of Borneo, and a hundred other civilizers : so Mrs. D. felt it, and so she laboured to make T. J. feel it ; but he wouldn't. The ungrateful old bear saw the ordinary grow daily thinner — he perceived that Banquo might have seated himself at any part of the table, and he actually upbraided his wife with the fact. Every day he announced some new defection from the list of their old supporters. Now it was old Ben Crosseley, of the Lively Biddy, that wouldn't stand being ordered to shake out his canvas — that is, to spread his napkin — when he was taking in sea store: then it was Tom Galket, grew indignant at not being permitted to beat " to quarters " with his knuckles at every pause in the dinner. Some were put out by being obliged to sit with their legs under the table, being long habituated to dine at a cask with a plank on it, and of course keeping their limbs " stowed away" under the seat; and one, an old and much respected river pilot, was carried away insensible from table, on hearing that grog was not a recognized table beverage throughout the British dominions. The banishment of lobscouse and sea-pie, — pork, with its concomitant cataplasm of peas, and other similar delicacies from the bill of fare, completed the defection ; and at last, none remained of the " once goodlie company," save an old attenuated Guernsey skipper, too much in debt to leave, but who attributed his fealty to the preference he entertained for "les usages de la bonne societe, etla charmante Mde. Davis." T. J. could never hold up his head again ; he moped about the docks and quays, like the restless spirit of some Ancient Mariner. Every one pitied him ; and he grew so accustomed to condolence — so dependent, in fact, on commiseration — that he spent his days in rowing from one ship to the other in the harbour, drinking grog with the skippers, till, by dint of pure sympathy, he slipped quietly into his grave, after something like a two years' attack of delirium tremens. The same week that saw T. J. descend to the tomb, saw his widow ascend to the " Upper Town'' — the more congenial locality for aspirations like hers. If no eulogistic inscription marked his resting-place, a very showy brass plate adorned hers. From that hour she was emancipated : it seemed, in- deed, as if she had turned a corner in life, and at ouce emerged from gloom and darkne3s into sunshine. It chanced 150 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. that the barracks were at that very moment undergoing re- pair, and several officers were glad to find, at a convenient distance, the comforts and accommodations which a plausible advertisement in the Quebec Messenger assured them were to be obtained for one pound one shilling weekly. There are people who tell you that we live in a heartless, selfish, grabbing, grasping age, where each preys upon his neighbour, and where gain is the spirit of every contract ; and yet, in what period of the world was maternal tender- ness, the comforts of a home, the watchful anxieties of parental love, to be had so cheaply ? Who ever heard of bachelors being admitted into, families, where music and the arts formed the evening's recreation, in the Middle Ages ? Does Herodotus inform us, that " young and attractive ladies would take charge of a widower's household, and superintend the care of his family ? " Not a bit of it ! On this point, at least, the wisdom of our ancestors has no chance with us. There is not a wish of the heart, there is not a yearning of the affections, that a three-and-sixpenny advertisement in the Times will not evoke a remedy for. Tou can make love, or a book, or a speech, by deputy ; for every relative you lose, there are fifty kind-hearted creatures to supply the place ; and not only may you travel over half the globe without more personal exertion than it costs you to go to bed, but you can be measured either for a wife or a suit of clothes without ever seeing the lady or the tailor. The " Hotel Davis," so said the newspaper, "was situated in the most airy and healthful locality of the Upper Town." No one ever rung the bell of the hall-door from the first of October to May, but would acknowledge the truth of the first epithet. " The society, for admission to which the most particular references are required, embraces all that is intel- lectual, high-bred, and refined. The table, where preside the 1 feast of reason and the flow of soul,' combines the elegance and delicacy of the French, with the less sophisticated suc- culence of English cookery. Intellectual resources,-— the iiumanizing influences of song and poetry, — the varied plea- sures of cultivated and kindred spirits, which have won for this establishment the epithet of the Davisian Acropolis, con- tinue to make it the chosen retreat of gentlemen connected with civil and military pursuits, who are lodged and boarded for one guinea weekly. " Eeceptions every Thursday. Balls, during the winter, on the first Monday of each month." Such was one among many — I select it as the shortest — HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 151 announcements of this cheap Elysium : and now, two words about Mrs. D. herself. She was a poor, thin, shrivelled-up little woman, with a rugged, broken-up face, whose profile looked like a jagged saw. Next to elegance of manner, her passion was personal appearance — by which she meant the- adventitious aid of false hair, rouge, and cosmetics, and these she employed with such ever- varying ingenuity, that her com- plexion changed daily from classic pallor to Spanish richness, while the angle of incidence of her eyebrows took in every thing from forty-five degrees to the horizontal. Her style was " sylph," and so she was gauzy and floating in all her drapery. A black veil to the back of her head — a filmy, gossamer-kind of scarf across her shoulders — assisted this deception, and, when she crossed the room, gave her the air of a clothes'-line in a high wind. Black mittens, over fingers glowing in all the splendour of imitation rings, and a locket about the size of a cheese* plate, containing the hair — some said, the scalp — of the late T. J., completed a costume which Mrs. D. herself believed Parisian, but to which no revolution, democratic or social, could reduce a Frenchwoman. She borrowed her language as well as her costume from the Grande Nation, and with this comfortable reflection, that she was not likely to be asked to restore the loan. Her French was about as incongruous as her dress — but Quebec, fortunately, was not Paris ; and she drove her coach and six through " Adelow," with a hardihood that outstripped, if it did not defy, criticism. By the military and naval people she was deemed the best " fun " going ; her pretension, her affectation, her shrewdness, and her simplicity ; her religious homage to fashion ; her unmerciful tyranny towards what she thought vulgarity, made her the subject of many a joke and much amusement. The other classes, the more regular habitues of the " house," thought she was a princess in disguise ; they revered her opinions a3 oracles, and only wondered how the court-end could spare one so evidently formed to be the glass of fashion. If I have been too prolix in my sketch, kind reader, attri- bute it to the true cause — my anxiety to serve those who are good enough to place themselves under my guidance. Mrs. D. still lives ; the establishment still survives ; at five o'clock each day — ay, this very day, I have no doubt — her table is crowded by " the rank and fashion " of the Quebec world : and the chances are, if you yourself, worthy reader, should 152 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. visit that city, that you may be glad to give your blank days to the fare of Madam Davis. It was ten o'clock in the forenoon as I arrived at her door, and sent in Captain Pike's letter, announcing my arrival. I found Mrs. D. in what she called her own room — a little den of about eleven feet square, shelved all round, and showing an array of jars and preserve-pots that was most imposing — the offerings of skippers from the West India Islands and Madeira, who paid a kind of black-mail in preserved ginger, guavas, yams, pepper-pots, chili, and potted crabs, that would have given liver complaints to half the Province. Mrs. D. was standing on a step-ladder, arranging hei treasures by the aid of a negro-boy of about twelve years old, as I entered ; and not feeling that I was of consequence sufficient to require a more formal audience, she took a steady and patient observation of me, and then resumed her labours. The little window, about six feet from the ground, threw a fine Rembrandt light upon me, as I stood in my showy habiliments, endeavouring, by an imposing attitude, to exhibit myself to the best advantage. " Forty-seven ; Guava jelly, Sambo ! — where is forty- seven ? " "Me no see him," said Sambo; "missus eat him up, perhaps." " Monsonze ! you filthy creature — look for it, sirrah ; " so saying, Mrs. Davis applied her double eye-glass to her eyes, and again surveyed me for some seconds. " You are the " — she hesitated — " the young person my friend Pike brought out, I believe ? " " Yes, my lady," said I, bowing profoundly. " What's your name ; the captain has not written it clearly ? " " Cregan, my lady — Con Cregan." " Con — Con," repeated she twice or thrice ; " what does Con mean ? " " It's the short for Cornelius, my lady." " Ah, the abbreviation for Cornelius ! — and where have you lived, Cornelius ? " " My last place, my lady, was Sir Miles O'Ryan's, of Roaring Water." " What are you doing, you wretch ? — take your filthy fingers out of that pot this instant ! " screamed she. suddenly. "Me taste him, an' he be dam hot!" cried the nigger, dancing from one foot to the other, as his mouth was on fire from tasting capsicum pods. How Con fell m -with the " "Widow D; HOW I " FELL IN" AND " OUT" WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 153 I thought of my own mustard experience, and then, turn- ing a glance of ineffable contempt upon my black friend, said, 11 Those creatures, my lady, are so ignorant, they really do not know the nature of the commonest condiments." " Very true, Cornelius ; I would wish, however, to observe to you, that although my family are all persons of rank, I have no title myself — that is to say," added she, with a pleasing smile, " I do not assume it here — therefore, until we return to England, you needn't address me as ladyship." "No, my lady — I beg your ladyship's pardon for forgetting, but as I have always lived in high families, I've got the habit, my lady, of saying my lady." " I am Madam— plain Madam Davis — there, I knew you'd do it, you nasty little beast, you odious black creature ! " This sudden apostrophe was evoked by the nigger endeavour- ing to balance a jam-pot on his thumb, while he spun it round with the other hand — an exploit that ended in a smash of the jar, and a squash of the jam all over my silk stock- ings. " It's of no consequence, my lady, I shall change them when I dress for dinner," said I, with consummate ease. " The jam is lost, however — will you kindly beat him about the head with that candlestick beside you ? " I seized the implement, as if in most choleric mood ; but my black was not to be caught so easily ; and with a dive between my legs he bolted for the door — whilst I was pitched forward against the step-ladder, head foremost. In my terror I threw out my hands to save myself, and caught — not the ladder, but Madam Davis's legs— and down we went together, with a small avalanche of brown jars and preserve- pots clattering over us. As I had gone head foremost, my head through the ladder, and as Mrs. Davis had fallen on the top of me — her head being reversed — there we lay, like herrings in a barrel, till her swoon had passed away. At last she did rally ; and gathering herself up, sat against the wall, a most rueful picture of bruises and disorder, while I, emerging from between the steps of the ladder, began to examine whether it were marmalade or my brains that I felt coming down my cheek. "You'll never mention this shocking event, Cornelius," said she, trying to adjust her wig, which now faced over the left shoulder. " Never, my lady. Am I to consider myself engaged ?" " Yes, on the terms of Captain Pike's note — ten pounds j 154 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. no wine nor tea-money, no passage-fare out, no livery, no — " I was afraid she was going to add no prog, but she grew faint, and merely said, " bring me a glass of water." " I'll put you in charge of the lamps and plate to-morrow," said she, recovering. " Very well, madam," said I aloud — while to myself I muttered, " they might easily be in better hands." " You'll wait at table to-day." " Yes, my lady — madam, I mean." " Soup always goes first to Mrs. Trussford — black velvet, and very fat ; then to the lady in blue spectacles ; afterwards Miss Moriarty. Ah, I'm too weak for giving directions ; I'm in what they call ' un etat de fuillete ;'" and with these words Mrs. Davis retired, leaving me to the contemplation of the battle-field and my own bruises. My next care was to present myself below stairs ; and although some may smile at the avowal, I had far more mis- givings about how I should pass muster with the under- lings, than with the head of the department. Is the reader aware that it was a farrier of the Emperor Alexander's guard who first predicted the destruction of the " grand army " in Eussia ? A French horseshoe was shown to him, as a curiosity ; and he immediately exclaimed, " What ! not yet frost-roughed ! these fellows don't know the climate ; the snows begin to-morrow ! " so is it — ignorance and pretension are infallibly discovered by "routine" people; they look to details, and they at once detect him who mistakes or over- looks them. Resolving, at all events, to make my " Old World " habits stand my part in every difficulty, and to sneer down every- thing I did not understand, I put on a bold face, and descended to the lower regions. Great people, "Ministers," and Secretaries for the "Home" and "Foreign," little know how great their privilege is, that in taking office, they are spared all unpleasant meetings with their predecessors. At least, I conclude such to be the case ; and that my Lord Palmerston " stepping in " does not come abruptly upon Lord Aberdeen " going out," nor does an angry altercation arise between him who arrives to stay and he who is packing his portmanteau to be off. I say that I opine as much, and that both the entrance and the departure are conducted with due etiquette and propriety ; in fact, that Lord A. has called his cab and slipped away, before Lord P. has begun to " take up " the " spoons;" not a bad metaphor, by the way — for an entrance into the Foreign Office. HOW I " FELL IN " AND "OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 155 No such decorous reserve presides over the change of a domestic ministry. The whole warfare of opposition is con- densed into one angry moment, and the rival parties are brought face to face in the most ungracious fashion. Now, my system in life was that so well and popularly known by the name of M. Guizot, " la paix a tout prix ;" and I take pride to myself in thinking that I have carried it out with more success. With a firm resolve, therefore, that no temptation should induce me to deviate from a pacific policy, I entered the kitchen, where the " lower house " was then "in committee," — the " cook in the chair! " " Here he com, now ! " said Blackie ; and the assembly grew hushed as I entered. " Ay, here he comes ! " said I, re-echoing the speech ; "and let us see if we shall not be merry comrades." The address was a happy one ; and that evening closed upon me in the very pinnacle of popularity. I have hesitated for some time whether I should not ask of my reader to enrol himself for a short space, as a member of "the establishment ;" or even to sojourn one day beneath a roof where so many originals were congregated ; to witness the very table itself, set out with its artificial fruits and flowers, its pine-apples in wax, and its peaches of paper ; all the appliances by which Mrs. D., in her ardent zeal, hoped to propagate refinement and abstemiousness ; high-breeding and low diet being, in her esteem, inseparably united. To see the company — the poor old faded and crushed flowers of mock gentility — widows and unmarried daughters of tax-collectors long " gathered ; " polite storekeepers, and apothecaries to the " Forces," cultivating the Graces at the cost of their appetites, and descending, in costumes of twenty years back, in the pleasing delusion of being "dressed" for dinner: while here and there some unhappy skipper, undergoing a course of refinement, looked like a bear in a " ballet," ashamed of his awkwardness, and even still more ashamed of the company wherein he found himself ; and lastly, some old Seigneur of the Lower Province — a poor, wasted, wrinkled creature, covered with hair-powder and snuff, but yet, strangely enough, preserving some " taste of his once quality," and not altogether destitute of the graces of the land he sprung from ; — curious and incongruous elements to make up society, and worthy of the presidency of that greater incongruity who ruled them. Condemned to eat food they did not relish, and discuss themes they did not comprehend, — what a noble zeal was 156 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. theirs ! What sacrifices did they not make to the genius of "gentility!" If they would sneer at a hash, Mrs. D.'s magic wand charmed it into a " ragout ;" when they almost sneezed at the sour wine, Mrs. D. called for another glass of " La Rose." " Rabbits," they were assured, were the daily diet of the Duke of Devonshire, and Lady Laddington ate kid every day at dinner. In the same way potatoes were vulgar things, but " Pommes de terre a la maitre d'hotel " were a delicacy for royalty. To support these delusions of diet, I was everlastingly referred to. " Cregan," would she say, — placing her glass to her eye, and fixing on some dish, every portion of which her own dainty fingers had compounded, — " Cregan, what is that?" " Poulet a la George quatre, Madame ! " — she always per- mitted me to improvise the nomenclature, — " the receipt came from the Bishop of Beldoff's cook." " Ah ! prepared with olives, I believe ? " " Exactly, Madame," would I say, presenting the dish, whose success was at once assured. If a wry face, or an unhappy contortion of the mouth from any guest, announced disappointment, Mrs. D. at. once appealed to me for the explanation. " What is it, Cregan? — Mrs. Blotter, I fear you don't like that ' plat? ' " " The truffles were rather old, Madame ;" or, " the ancho- vies were too fresh;" or, " there was too little caviar," or something of the kind, I would unhesitatingly aver; for my head was stocked with a strong catalogue from an old French Cookery-book which I used to study each morning. The more abstruse my explanation, the more certain of its being indorsed by the company — only too happy to be sup- posed capable of detecting the subtle deficiency ; all but the old French Deputy, who on such occasions would give a little shake of his narrow head, and mutter to himself, " Ah ; il est mutin, ce gaillard-la! " Under the influence of great names, they would have eaten a stewed mummy from the Pyramids. What the Marquis of Asheldown, or the Earl of Brockmore invariably ordered, could not without risk be despised by these " small boys " of refinement. It is true, they often mourned in secret over the altered taste of the old country, which preferred kick- shaws and trumpery to its hallowed ribs and sirloins ; but, like the folk who sit at the Opera while they long for the Haymarket, and who listen to Jenny Lind while their hearts are with Mrs. Keeley, they " took out" in fashion what they HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 157 lost in amusement, — a very English habit, by the way. To be sure, and to their honour be it spoken, they wished the Queen would be pleased to fancy legs of mutton and loins of veal, just as some others are eager for royalty to enjoy the national drama ; but they innocently forgot the while, that " they " might have the sirloin, and " the others " Shakspeare, even without majesty partaking of either, and that a roast goose and FalstafF can be relished even without such august precedent. Dear, good souls they were, never deviating from that fine old sturdy spirit of independence which make3 us feel ourselves a match for the whole world in arms, as we read the Times, and hum " Rule Britannia." All this devout homage of a class with whom they had nothing in common, and with which they could never come into contact, produced in me a very strange result ; and in place of being ready to smile at the imitators, I began to conceive a stupendous idea of the natural greatness of those who could so impress the ranks beneath them. " Con," said I to myself, " that is the class in life would suit you perfectly. There is no trade like that of a gentleman. He who does nothing is always ready for everything ; the little shifts and straits of a handicraft or a profession narrow and confine the natural expansiveness of the intellect, which, like a tide over a flat shore, should swell and spread itself out, free and with- out effort. See to this, Master Con ; take care that you don't sit down contented with a low round on the ladder of life, but strive ever upwards ; depend on it, the view is best from the top, even if it only enable you to look down on your competitors." These imaginings, as might be easily imagined, led me to form a very depreciating estimate of my lords and masters of the " establishment." Not only their little foibles and weaknesses, their small pretensions and their petty attempts at fine life, were all palpable to my eyes, but their humble fortunes and narrow means to support such assumption were equally so ; and there is nothing which a vulgar mind — I was vulgar at that period — so unhesitatingly seizes on for sarcasm, as the endeavour of a poor man to " do the fine gentleman." If no man is a hero to his valet, he who has no valet is never a hero at all — is nobody. I conceived, then, the most insulting contempt for the company, on whom I practised a hundred petty devices of annoyance. I would drop gravy on a fine satin dress, in which the wearer only made her appear- ance at festivals, or stain with sauce the " russia ducks " destined to figure through half a week. Sometimes, by an 158 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. adroit change of decanters during dinner, I would produce a scene of almost irremediable confusion, when the owner of sherry would find himself taking toast-and-water, he of the last beverage having improved the time and finished the racier liquid. Such reciprocities, although strictly in ac- cordance with "free-trade," invariably led to very warm discussions, that lasted through the remainder of the evening. Then I removed plates ere the eater was satisfied, and that with an air of such imposing resolve as to silence remon- strance. When a stingy guest passed up his decanter to a friend, in a moment of enthusiastic munificence, I never suffered it to return till it was emptied ; while to the elderly ladies I measured out the wine like laudanum ; every now and then, too, I would forget to hand the dish to some one or other of the company, and affect only to discover my error as the last spoonful was disappearing. Nor did my liberties end here. I was constantly intro- ducing innovations in the order of dinner, that produced most ludicrous scenes of discomfiture — now insisting on the use of a fork, now of a spoon, under circumstances where no adroitness could compensate for the implement ; and one day I actually went so far as to introduce soap with the finger- glasses, averring that " it was always done at Devonshire House on grand occasions." I thought I should have betrayed myself, as I saw the efforts of the party to perform their parts with suitable dignity ; all I could do was to restrain a burst of open laughter. So long as I prosecuted my reforms on the actual staff of the establishment, all went well. Now and then, it is true, I used to overhear in French, of which they believed me to be ignorant, rather sharp comments on the " free-and-easy tone of my manners — how careless I had become," and so on; complaints, however, sure to be met by some assurance that " my manners were quite London " — that what I did was the type of fashionable servitude ; apologies made less to screen me than to exalt those who invented them, as thoroughly conversant with high life in England. At last, partly from being careless of consequences, for I was getting very weary of this kind of life — the great amuse- ment of which used to be, repeating my performances for the ear of Captain Pike, and he was now removed with his regi- ment to Kingstown — and partly wishing for some incidents, of what kind I cared not, that might break the monotony of my existence, I contrived one day to stretch my prerogative HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 159 too far, or, in the phrase of the Gulf, u I harpooned a bottle- nose," — the periphrasis for making a gross mistake. I had been some years at Mrs. Davis's — in fact, I felt and thought myself a man when the last ball of the season was announced — an entertainment at which usually a more crowded assemblage used to congregate than at any of the previous ones. It was the choice occasion for the habitues of the house to invite their grand friends, for Mrs. D. was accustomed to put forth all her strength, and the arrangements were made on a scale of magnificence that invariably occasioned a petty famine for the fortnight beforehand. Soup never appeared, that there might be "bouillon" for the dancers; everyone was on a short allowance of milk, eggs, and sugar ; meat be- came almost a tradition : even candles waned and went out, in waiting for the auspicious night when they should blaze like noon-day. Nor did the company fail to participate in these preparatory schoolings. What frightful heads in curl-papers would appear at breakfast and dinner ! What buttoned-up coats and black cravats refuse all investigation on the score of linen ! What mysterious cookings of cosme- tics at midnight, with petty thefts of lard and thick cream ! What washings of kid gloves, that when washed would never go on again ! What inventions of French-polish that refused all persuasions to dry, but continued to stick to and paint everything it came in contact with ! Then there were high dresses cut down, like frigates razeed ; frock-coats reduced to dress ones ; mock lace and false jewellery were at a pre- mium ; and all the little patchwork devices of ribbons, bows, and carnations, gimp, gauze, and geraniums, were put into requisition, petty acts of deception that each saw through in her neighbour, but firmly believed were undetectable in herself. Then what caballings about the invited ! what scrutiny into rank and station — "what set they were in," and whom did they visit ; with little Star-chamber inquisitions as to cha- racter, all breaches of which, it is but fair to state, were most charitably deemed remediable if the party had any preten- sion to social position ; for not only the saint in crape was twice a saint in lawn, but the satin sinner was pardonable, where the " washing silk " would have been found guilty without a " recommendation." Then there was eternal tuning of the pianoforte, which most perversely insisted on not suiting voices that might have sung duets with a peacock. Quadrilles were practised 160 TIIE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. in empty rooms ; and Miss Timmock was actually seen trying to teach Blotter to waltz — a proceeding, I rejoice to say, that the moral feeling of the household at once suppressed. And then, what a scene of decoration went forward in all the apartments ! As in certain benevolent families, whatever is uneatable is always given to the poor ; so here, all the artificial flowers unavailable for the toilet were generously bestowed to festoon along the walls to conceal tin sconces, and to wreathe round rickety chandeliers. Contrivance — that most belauded phenomenon in Nature's craft — was everywhere. If necessity be the mother of invention, poor gentility is the " step-mother." Never were made greater efforts, or greater sacrifices incurred, to make Mrs. D. appear like a West-end leader of fashion, and to make the establish- ment itself seem a Holderness House. As for me, I was the type of a stage servant — one of those creatures who hand round coffee in the " School for Scandal." My silk stockings were embroidered with silver, and my showy coat displayed a bouquet that might have filled a vase. In addition to these personal graces, I had long been head of my department ; all the other officials, from the negro knife- cleaner upwards, besides all those begged, borrowed, and I believe I might add, stolen domestics of other families, being placed under my orders. Among the many functions committed to me, the drilling of these gentry stood first in difficulty, not only because they were rebellious under control, but because I had actually to invent " the discipline during parade." One golden rule, how- ever, I had adopted, and never suffered myself to deviate from, viz., to do nothing as it had been done before — a maxim which relieved me from all the consequences of inexperience. Traditions are fatal things for a radical reformer; and I re- membered having heard it remarked, how Napoleon himself first sacrificed his dignity by attempting an imitation of the monarchy. By this one precept I ruled and squared all my conduct. The most refractory of my subordinates was a jackanapes about my own age, who, having once waited on the " young gentlemen" in the cock-pit of a man-of-war, fancied he had acquired very extended views of life. Among other traits of his fashionable experience, he remembered that at a dejeuner given by the officers at Cadiz once, the company, who break- fasted in the gun-room, had all left their hats and cloaks in the midshipman's berth, receiving each a small piece of card with a number on it, and a similar one being attached to the HOW I " FELL IN " AND "OUT" WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 161 property — a process so universal now in our theatres and assemblies, that I ask pardon for particularly describing itj but it was a novelty at the time 1 speak of, and had all the merits of a new discovery. Smush — this was my deputy's name — had been so struck with the admirable success of the arrangement, that he had actually preserved the pieces of card, and now produced them, black and ragged, from the recesses of his trunk. " Mr. Cregan " — such was the respectful title by which I was now always addressed — " Mr. Cregan can tell us," said he, " if this is not the custom at great balls in London." " It used to be so, formerly," said I, with an air of most consummate coolness, as I sat in an arm-chair, regaling myself with a cigar ; " the practice you allude to, Smush, did prevail, I admit. But our fashionable laws change ; one day it is all ultra-refinement and Sybarite luxury, — the next, they affect a decree of mock simplicity in their manners : any- thing for novelty ! Now, for instance, eating fish with the fingers " " Do they, indeed, go so far ? " " Do they ! ay, and fifty things worse. At a race- dinner the same silver cup goes round the table, drunk out of by every one, — I have seen strange things in my time." "That you must, Mr. Cregan." " Latterly," said I, warming with my subject, and seeing my auditory ready to believe anything, " they began the same system with the soup, and always passed the tureen round, each tasting it as it went. This was an innovation of the Duke of Struttenham's, but I don't fancy it will last." " And how do they manage about the hats, Mr. Cregan ? " " The last thing, in that w r ay, was what I saw at Lord Mudbrooke's, at Richmond, where, not to hamper the guests with these foolish bits of card, which they were always losing, the servant in waiting chalked a number on the hat or coat, or whatever it might be, and then marked the same on the gentleman's back ! " Had it not been for the imposing gravity of my manner, the absurdity of this suggestion had been at once apparent , but I spoke like an oracle, and I impressed my words with the simple gravity of a commonplace truth. " If you wish to do the very newest thing, Smush, that's the latest ; quite a fresh touch : and, I'll venture to say, per- fectly unknown here. It saves a world of trouble to all M 162 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. parties ; and as you brush it off before they leave, it is always another claim for the parting douceur ! " "I'll do it," said Smush, eagerly; "they cannot be angry- Angry ! angry at what is done with the very first people- in London ! " said I, affecting horror at the bare thought. The train was now laid ; I had only to wait for its explosion. At first, I did this with eager impatience for the result ; then, as the time drew near, with somewhat of anxiety ; and, at last, with downright fear of the consequences. Yet to revoke the order, to confess that I was only hoaxing on so solemn a subject, would have been the downfall of my ascendency for ever. What was to be done ? I could imagine but one escape from the difficulty ; which was to provide myself with a clothes-brush, and as my station was at the drawing-room door, to erase the numerals before their wearers entered. In this way I should escape the for- feiture of my credit, and the risk of maintaining it. I would willingly recall some of the strange incidents of that great occasion, but my mind can only dwell upon one ; as, brush in hand, I asked permission to remove some acci- dental dust, — a leave most graciously accorded, and ascribed to my town-bred habits of attention. At last — it was nigh midnight, and for above an hour the company had received no accession to its ranks ; quadrilles had succeeded quadrilles, and the business of the scene went swimmingly on, — all the time-honoured events of similar assemblages happening with that rigid regularity which, if evening parties were managed by steam, and regulated by a fly-wheel, could not proceed with more ordinary routine. " Heads of houses " with bald scalps led out simpering young boarding-school misses, and danced with a noble show of agility, to refute any latent suspicion of coming age. There were the usual number of very old people, who vowed the dancing was only a shuffling walk, not the merry movement they had practised half a century ago ; and there were lack-a-daisical young gentlemen, with waistcoats variegated as a hearth-rug, and magnificent breast-pins — like miniature pokers — who lounged and lolled about, as though youth were the most embarrassing and wearying infliction mortality was heir to. There were, besides, all the varieties of the class, young lady — as seen in every land where muslin is sold and white shoes are manufactured. There was the slight young lady, who floated about with her gauzy dress daintily pinched in two j then there was the short and dumpling young lady, HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 163 who danced with a duck in her gait; and there were a large proportion of the flouncing, flaunting kind, who took the figures of the quadrille by storm, and went at the " right and left" as if they were escaping from a fire: and there was Mrs. Davis herself, in a spangled toque and red shoes, potter- ing about from place to place, with a terrible eagerness to be agreeable and fashionable at the same time. It was, I have said, nigh midnight, as I stood at the half- open door, watching the animated and amusing scene within, when Mrs. Davis, catching sight of me, and doubtless for the purpose of displaying my specious livery, ordered me to open a window, or close a shutter, or something of like im- portance. I had scarcely performed the service, when a kind of half titter through the room made me look round, and, to my unspeakable horror, I beheld, in the centre of the room, Town-Major McCan, the most passionate little man in Quebec, making his obeisances to Mrs. Davis, while a circle around were, with handkerchiefs to their mouths, stifling as they best could, a burst of laughter ; since exactly between his shoulders, in marks of about four inches long, stood the numerals " 153," a great flourish underneath proclaiming that the roll had probably concluded, and that this was the "last man." Of the Major, tradition had already consecrated one exploit ; he had once kicked an impertinent tradesman down the great flight of iron stairs which leads from the Upper Town to Diamond Harbour, — a feat, to appreciate which, it is necessary to bear in mind that the stair in question is almost perpendicular, and contains six hundred and forty- eight steps ! My very back ached by anticipation as I thought of it ; and as I retreated towards the door, it was in a kind of shuffle, feeling like one w T ho had been well thrashed. " A large party, Mrs. D. ; a very brilliant and crowded assembly," said the Major, pulling out his bushy whiskers, and looking importantly around. "Now what number have you here ? " " I cannot even guess, Major ; but we have had very few apologies. Could you approximate to our numbers this evening, Mr. Cox ? " said she, addressing a spiteful-looking old man, who sat eyeing the company through an opera- glass. " I have counted one hundred and thirty-four, madam ; but the major make's them more numerous still ! " " How do you mean, Cox ? " said he, getting fiery red. M 2 164 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. " If you'll look in that glass yonder, which is opposite the mirror, you'll soon see ! " wheezed out the old man, mali- ciously. I did not wait for more ; with one spring I de- scended the first flight ; another brought me to the hall ; but not before a terrible shout of laughter apprised me that all was discovered. I had just time to open the clock-case, and step into it, as Major McCan came thundering down stairs, with his coat on his arm. A shrill yell from Sambo now told me that one culprit a,t least was " up " for punishment. " Tell the truth, you d — d piece of carved ebony ! who did this ? " " Not me, Massa ! not me, Massa ! Smush did him ! " Smush was at this instant emerging from the back parlour with a tray of coloured fluids for the dancers. With one vigorous kick the major sent the whole flying; and ere the terrified servitor knew what the assault portended, a strong grasp caught him by the throat, and ran him up bang ! against the clock-case. Ob, what a terrible moment was that for me ! I heard the very gurgling rattle in his throat, like choking, and felt as if when he ceased to breathe that I should expire with him "You confess it ! you own it, then! you infernal rascal! " said the major, almost hoarse with rage. " Oh, forgive me, sir ! oh, forgive me ! It was Mr. Cregan, sir, the butler, who told me! Oh dear, I'm " what, he couldn't finish ; for the major, in relinquishing his grasp, flung him backwards, and he fell against the stairs. "So it was Mr. — Cregan, — the — butler, — was it?" said the major, with an emphasis on each word, as though he had bitten the syllables. " Well ! as sure as my name is Tony McCan, Mr. Cregan shall pay for this ! Turn about is fair play ; you have marked me, and may I be drummer to the Cape Fencibles if I don't mark you /" and with this denun- ciation, uttered in a tone, every accent of which vouched for truth, he took a hat — the first next to him — and issued from the house. Shivering with terror — and not without cause — I waited till Smush had, with Sambo's aid, carried downstairs the broken fragments ; and then, the coast being clear, I stepped from my hiding-place, and opening the hall-door, fled ; ay, ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I crossed the grass terrace in front of the barrack, not heeding the hoarse " Who goes there ? " of the sentry ; and then, dashing along the battery-wall, hastened down the stairs that lead in HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT" WITH WIDOW DAYIS. 165 successive flights to the filthy "Lower Town;" in whose dingy recesses I well knew that crime or shame could soon find a sanctuary. CHAPTER XV. AN EMIGRANT'S FIRST STEP " ON SHORE." If I say that the Lower Town of Quebec is the St. Giles's ot the metropolis, I convey but a very faint notion indeed of that terrible locality. I have seen life in some of its least attractive situations. I am not ignorant of the Liberties of Dublin and the Claddagh of Gal way ; I have passed move time than I care to mention in the Isle St. Louis of Paris ; while the Leopoldstadt of Vienna, and the Ghetto of Rome, are tolerably familiar to me ; but still, for wickedness in its most unwashed state, I give palm to the Lower Town of Quebec. The population, originally French, became gradually inter- mixed with emigrants, most of whom came from Ireland, and who, having expended the little means they could scrape together for the voyage, firmly believing that once landed in America, gold was a "chimera" not worth troubling one's head about, — they were unable to go farther, and either be- came labourers in the city, or, as the market grew speedily overstocked, sunk down into a state of pauperism, the very counterpart of that they had left on the other side of the ocean. Their turbulence, their drunkenness, the reckless violence of all their habits, at first shocked, and then terrified the poor timid Canadians — of all people the most submis- sive and yielding — so that very soon, feeling how impossible it was to maintain co-partnery with such associates, they leit the neighbourhood, and abandoned the field to the new race. Intermarriages had, however, taken place to a great extent ; from which, and the daily intercourse with the natives, a species of language came to be spoken which was currently called French ; but which might, certainly with equal pro- priety, be called Cherokee. Of course this new tongue modified itself with the exigencies of those who spoke it ; and as the French ingredient declined, the Milesian prepon- derated, till at length it became far more Irish than French. 166 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. Nothing assists barbarism like a dialect adapted to its own wants. Slang is infinitely more conducive to the propaga- tion of vice than is generally believed ; it is the " paper cur- rency " of iniquity, and each man issues as much as he likes. If I wanted an evidence of this fact I should " call up " the place I am speaking of, where the very jargon at once defied civilization, and ignored the w schoolmaster." The authori- ties, either regarding the task as too hopeless, or too danger- ous, or too troublesome, seemed to slur over the existence of this infamous locality. It is not impossible that they saw with some satisfaction that wickedness had selected its only peculiar and appropriate territory, and that they had left this den of vice, as Yankee farmers are accustomed to' leave a spot of tall grass to attract the snakes, by way of prevent- ing them scattering and spreading over a larger surface. As each emigrant ship arrived, hosts of these idlers of the Lower Town beset the newly-landed strangers, and by their voice and accent imposed upon the poor wanderers. The very tones of the old country were a magic the new-comers could not withstand, after weeks of voyaging that seemed like years of travel. Whatever reminded them of the country they had quitted, ay, — strange inconsistency of the human heart ! — of the land they had left for very hopelessness, touched their hearts, and moved them to the very tenderest emotions. To trade on this susceptibility became a recog- nized livelihood; so that the quays were crowded with idle vagabonds, who sought out the prey with as much skill as a West-end waiter displays in detecting the rank of a new arrival. This filthy locality, too, contained all the lodging-houses resorted to by the emigrants, who were easily persuaded to follow their " countryman " wherever he might lead. Here were spent the days — sometimes, unhappily, the weeks — be- fore they could fix upon the part of the country to which they should bend their steps ; and here, but too often, were wasted in excess and debauchery the little hoards that had cost years to accumulate, till farther progress became impos- sible ; and' the stranger who landed but a few weeks back, full of strong hope, sunk down into the degraded condition of those who had been his ruin — the old story, the dupe become blackleg. It were well if deceit and falsehood, — if heartless treachery and calculating baseness, were all that went forward here. But not so ; crimes of every character were rife also, and not an inhabitant of the city, with money or character, would AN EMIGRANT'S FIRST STEP " ON SHORE." 167 Lave, for any consideration, put foot within this district after nightfall. The very cries that broke upon the stillness of the night were often heard in the Upper Town : and when- ever a shriek of agony arose, or the heartrending cry for help, prudent citizens would close the window and say, " It is some of the Irish in the Lower Town," — a comprehensive statement that needed no commentary. Towards this pleasant locality I now hastened, with a kind of instinctive sense that I had some claims on the sanctuary. It chanced that an emigrant ship which had arrived that evening was just disembarking its passengers ; mingling with the throng of which, I entered the filthy and narrow lanes of this Alsatia. The new arrivals were all Irish, and, as usual, were heralded by parties of the resident population, eagerlv canvassing them for this or that lodging-house. Had not my own troubles been enough for me, I should have felt in- terested in the strange contrast between the simple peasant first stepping on a foreign shore, and the shrewd roguery of him who proposed guidance, and who doubtless had himself once been as unsuspecting and artless as those he now cajoled and endeavoured to dupe. I soon saw that single individuals were accounted of little consequence ; the claim of the various lodging-houses was as family hotels, perhaps ; so that I mixed myself up with a group of some eight or ten, whose voices sounded pleasantly, for, in the dark, I had no other indication to suggest a pre- ference. I was not long in establishing a footing, so far as talking went, with one of this party — an old, very old man, whose greatest anxiety was to know, first, if " there was any Ingins where we were going ? " and secondly, if I had ever heard of his grandson, Dan Cullinane ? The first doubt I solved for him frankly and freely, that an Indian wouldn't dare to show his nose where we were walking ; and as to the second, I hesitated, promising to refer to " my tablets " when I came to the light, for I thought the name w r as familiar to me. " He was a shoemaker by trade," said the old man, " and a better never left Ireland ; he was 'prentice to ould Finucane in Ennis, and might have done well, if he hadn't the turn for Americay." " But he'll do better here, rely upon it," said I, inviting some further disclosures ; " I'm certain he's not disappointed with having come out." "No, indeed; glory be to God! he's doing finely; and 168 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. *twas that persuaded my son Joe to sell the little place and come here — and a wonderful long way it is ! " After expending a few generalities on sea voyages in gene- ral, with a cursory glance at naval architecture, from Noah's " square" stern, down to the modern " round" innovation r we again returned to Dan, for whom I already conceived a strong interest. " And is it far to New Orleans from this?" said the old man, who, I perceived, was struck by the air of sagacity in my discourse. " New Orleans! why that's in the States, a thousand miles away ! " " Oh ! murther, murther ! " cried the old fellow, wringing his hands ; " and ain't we in the States ? " " No," said I; " this is Canada." " Joe ! Joe ! " cried he, pulling his son by the collar, " listen to this, acushla. Oh, murther, murther! we're kilt and destroyed intirely ! " " What is it, father?" said a tall, powerfully built man r who spoke in a low but resolute voice ; " what ails you ? " " Tell him, darlint — tell him ! " said the old man, not able to utter his griefs. " It seems," said I, " that you believed yourselves in the States ; now this is not so. This is British America — Lower Canada." " Isn't it * Quaybec ? ' " said he, standing full in front of me. " It is Quebec ; but still that is Canada." " And it's ten thousand miles from Dan ! " said the old fellow, whose cries were almost suffocating him. "Whisht, father, and let me talk," said the son; " do you know New Orleans ? " " Perfectly — every street of it," said I, with an effrontery the darkness aided considerably. " And how far is't from here ? " " Something like thirteen or fourteen hundred miles, at a rough guess." " Oh, th' eternal villain ! if I had him by the neck ! " cried Joe, as he struck the ground a blow with his blackthorn which certainly would not have improved the human face divine ; " he towld me they were a few miles asunder — an easy day's walk ! " "Who said so?" asked I. " The chap on Eden Quay, in Dublin, where we took our passage." AN EMIGRANT'S FIR3T STEP " ON SHORE."' lGd "Don't be down-hearted anyway," said I; "distance is nothing here; we think no more of a hundred miles than yon do in Ireland of a walk before breakfast. If it's any comforc to you, I'm going the same way myself." This very consola- tory assurance, which I learned then for the first time also, did not appear to give the full confidence I expected, for Joe made no answer, but, with head dropped and clasped hands, continued to mutter some words in Irish, that, so far as sound went, had not the " clink " of blessings. " He knows Dan," said the old man to his son, in a whisper, which, low as it was, my quick ears detected. " What does he know about him ? " exclaimed the son,, savagely ; for the memory of one deception was too strong upon him to make him lightly credulous. " I knew a very smart young man — a very promising young fellow indeed, at New Orleans," said I, "of the name you speak of — Dan Cullinane." " What part of Ireland did he come from? " asked Joe. " The man I mean was from Clare, somewhere in the neigh- bourhood of Ennis." " That's it ! " said the old man. " Whisht ! " said the son, whose caution was not so easily satisfied; and turning to me, added, "What was he by trade?" " He was a shoemaker, and an excellent one ; indeed, I've no hesitation in saying, one of the best in New Orleans." " What was the street he lived in ? " Here was a puzzler ! for, as my reader knows, I was at the end of my information, and had not the slightest knowledge of New Orleans or its localities. The little scrap of newspaper I had picked up on Anticosti was the only thing having any reference to that city I ever possessed in my life. But, true to my theory, to let nothing go to loss, I remembered this now, and with an easy confidence said, " I cannot recall the street, but it is just as you turn out of the street where the Picayune newspaper-office stands." " Right ! — all right, by the father of Moses! " cried Joe, stretching out a brawny hand, and shaking mine with the- cordiality of friendship. Then stepping forward to where the rest of the party were walking with two most loquacious guides, he said, "Molly ! here's a boy knows Dan ! Biddy * come here, and hear about Dan ! " Two young girls, in long cloth cloaks, turned hastily round, and drew near, as they exclaimed in a breath, " Oh, tell us about Dan, sir ! " " 'Tis betther wait till we're in a house," said the old man, 170 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. who was, however greedy for news, not a little desirous of a fire and something to eat. " Sure you'll come with us, and take yer share of what's going," said he to me ; an invi- tation which, ere I could reply to, was reiterated by the w T hole party. " Do you know where we're going here ? " asked Joe of me, as we continued our way through mazes of gloomy lanes that grew gradually less and less frequented. "No," said I, in a whisper, " but 'tis best be on our guard here — we are in a bad neighbourhood." " Well, there's three boys there," said he, pointing to his sons, who walked in front, u that will pay for all they get. "Will you ax the fellows how far we're to go yet, for they don't mind we." " Are we near this same lodging-house ? " said I, bluntly, to the guides, and using French, to show that I was no un- fledged arrival from beyond the seas. " Ahi ! " cried one, " a gaillard from the battery." " Where from, a la gueule de loup, young mounsier ? " said the other, familiarly catching me by the lapel of my coat. " Because I am not afraid of his teeth," said I, with an easy effrontery my heart gave a flat lie to. " Vrai ? " said he, with a laugh of horrible meaning. " Vrai ! " repeated I, with a sinking courage, but a very bold voice. " I wish we were in better company," whispered I to Joe ; " what directions did you give these fellows ? " " To show us the best lodging-house for the night, and that we'd pay well for it." " Ah ! " thought I, " that explains something." " Here we are, mounseers," said one, as, stopping at the door of a two-storied house, he knocked with his knuckles on the panel. " Nous fillons, slick, en suite, here," said the other, hold- ing out his hand. " They are going ! " whispered I ; " they want to be paid, and we are well rid of them." " It would be manners to wait and see if they'll let us in," said Joe, who did not fancy this summary departure, while he fumbled in his pockec for a suitable coin. "Vite! — quick! — sharp time!" cried one of the fellows, who, as the sound of voices was heard from wdthin, seemed impatient to be off; and so, snatching rather than taking the shilling which still lingered in Joe's reluctant fingers, he wheeled about and fled, followed rapidly by the other. ON SH03E." 171 " Qui va ! " cried a sharp voice from within, as I knocked for the second time on the door-panel with a stone. " Friends," said I, "we want a lodging and something to eat." The door was at once opened, and, by the light of a lantern, we saw the figure of an old woman, whose eyes, bleared and bloodshot, glared at ns fixedly. "'Tis a lodgen' yez want?" said she, in an accent that showed her to be Irish. " And who brought yez here ? " " Two young fellows we met on the quay," said Joe ; " one called the other 'Tony.'" " Ay, indeed ! " muttered the hag; " I was sure of it; his own son ! his own son ! " These words she repeated in a tone of profound sorrow, and for a time seemed quite unmindful of our presence. " Are we to get in at all ? " said the old man, in an accent of impatience. " What a hurry yer in ; and maybe 'tis wishing yerself out again ye'd be, after ye wor in ! " " I think we'd better try somewhere else," whispered Joe to me ; " I don't like the look of this place." Before I could reply to this, a loud yell burst forth from the end of the street, accompanied by the tramp of many people, who seemed to move in a kind of regulated step. " Here they are ! Here they come ! " cried the old woman ; " step in quick, or ye'll be too late ! " and she dragged the young girls forward by the cloak, into the hall ; we followed without further question. Then placing the lantern on the floor, she drew a heavy chain across the door, and dropped her cloak over the light, saying in a low tremulous voice, "Them's the ' Tapageers ! ' " The crowd now came closer, and we perceived that they were singing in chorus a song, of which the air at least was Irish. The barbarous rhyme of one rude verse, as they sung it in passing, still lingers in my memory : "No b'oody agint here we see Ready to rack, distrain, and saze us, "Whate'er we ax, we have it free, And take at hand, whatever plaze us. Tow, row, row, "Will yez show me now, The polis that'll dare to face us !" "There they go! 'tis well ye wor safe! " said the old hag, 172 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. as the sounds died away, and all became silent in the street without. " Who, or what are they ? " said I ; my curiosity being stimulated by fear. " Them's the ' Tapageers ! ' The chaps that never spared man or woman in their rounds. 'Tis bad enough, the place is ; but they make it far worse ! " " Can we stop here for the night?" said Joe, growing impatient at the colloquy. "And what for wud ye stop here?" asked the crone, as she held up the lantern the better to see him who made the demand. " We want our supper, and a place to sleep," said the old man ; " and we're able and. willin' to pay for both." " 'Tis a nice place ye kem for either! " said she; and she leaned back against the wall, and laughed with a fiend-like malice, that made my blood chill. "Then I suppose we must go somewhere else," said Joe; "come, boys, 'tis no use losing our time here! " " God speed you ! " said she, preparing to undo the chain that fastened the door. " Ye have bould hearts, any way ! There they go ! d'ye hear them ? " This was said in a half- whisper, as the wild yells of the " Tapageers " arose without ; and soon after, the noise and tumult of a scuffle ; at least we could hear the crashing of sticks, and the shouting of a fray; from which, too, piercing cries for help burst forth. "What are ye doin' ? are ye mad? are ye out of your sinses ? " cried the hag, as Joe endeavoured to wrest open the chain — the secret of which he did not understand. " They're murdering some one without there ! " said he. " Let me free, or I'll kick down your old door, this minute ! " " Kick away, honey ! " said the hag; "as strongmen as yourself tried that a'ready ; and d'ye hear, it's done now! it's over I" These terrible words were in allusion to a low kind of sobbing sound, which grew fainter and fainter, and then ceased altogether. " They're taking the body away," whispered she, after a pause of death-like stillness. " Where to ? " said I, half breathless with terror. " To the river! the stream runs fast, and the corpse will be down below Goose Island — av, in the Gulf, 'fore morn- ing!" The two young girls, unable longer to control their feel- ings, here burst out a crying ; and the old man, pulling out a rosary, turned to the wall, and began his prayers. ax emigrant's first step " ON SHORE." 173 " 'Tis a bloody place ; glory be to God ! " said Joe, at last, with a sigh, and clasped his hands before him, like one unable to decide on what course to follow. I saw, now, that all were so paralyzed by fear, that it devolved upon me to act for the rest : so, summoning my best courage, I said, "Will you allow us to stay here for the night? since we are strangers, and do not know where to seek shelter." She shook her head, not so much with the air of refusing my request, as to convey that I had asked for something scarce worth the granting. " We only want a shelter for the night " " And a bit to eat," broke in the old man, turning round from his prayers. " Sanctificatur in sec'la — if it was only a bit of belly bacon, and — Tower of Ivory, purtect us — with a pot of praties, and — Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John " "Is he a friar ? " said the hag to me, eagerly ; " does he belong to an ' orclher ? ' " " No," said I ; " he's only a good Catholic." She wrung her hands, as if in disappointment; and then, taking up the lantern once more, said, "Come along! I'll show yez where ye can stay." We followed, I leading the others, up a narrow and rickety stair, between two walls, streaming with damp, and patched with mould. When she reached the landing, she searched for a moment for a key, which having found, she opened the door of a long low room, whose only furniture was a deal table and a few chairs ; a candle stuck in a bottle, and some drinkiug-vessels of tin, were on the table, and a piece of news- paper containing some tobacco. "There," said she, lighting the candle; "you may stay here ; 'tis all I'm able to do for yez, is to give ye shelter." "And nothing to eat?" ejaculated the old man, sorrow- fully. " Hav'n't you a few potatoes ? " said Joe. " I didn't taste food since yesterday morning," said the hag ; " and that's what's to keep life in me to-morrow ! " and as she spoke, she held out a fragment of blackened sea-biscuit, such as Russian sailors call " rusk." " Well, by coorse, there's no use in talking," said Joe, who always seemed the first to see his way clearly. "'Tis worse for the girls, for we can take a draw of the pipe. Lucky for us we have it ! " Meanwhile, the two girls had taken off their cloaks, and were busy gathering some loose sticks together, to make a fire ; a piece of practical wisdom I at once lent all aid to. 174 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. The hag, apparently moved by the ready compliance to make the best of matters, went out, and returned with some more wood, fragments of ship-timber, which she offered us, saying, "'Tis all I can give yez. Good night to yez all ! " " Well, father," said Joe, as soon as he had lighted his pipe, and taken a seat by the fire, " ye wor tired enough of the ship, but I think ye wish yerself back again there, now." " I wish more nor that," said the old man, querulously ; " I wish I never seen the same ship; nor ever left ould Ireland ! " This sentiment threw a gloom over the whole party, by awakening not only memories of home and that far away land, but also by the confession of a sense of disappointment, which each was only able to struggle against, while unavowed. The sorrow made them silent, and at last sleepy. At first, the three "boys," great fellows of six feet high, stretched themselves full-length on the floor, and snored away in con- cert ; then the two girls, one with her head on the other's lap, fell off; while the old man, sitting directly in front of the fire, nodded backwards and forwards, waking up, every half- hour or so, to light his pipe ; which done, he immediately fell off into a doze once more j leaving Joe and myself alone waking and watchful. 175 CHAPTER XVL A NIGHT IN THE " LOWER TOWN." Joe's eyes were bent upon me, as I sat directly opposite him y with a fixedness that I could easily see was occasioned by my showy costume ; his glances ranged from my buckled shoes to my white cravat, adorned with a splendid brooch of mock amethyst ; nay, I almost fancied once that he was counting the silver clocks on my silk stockings ! It was a look of most undisguised astonishment, — such a look as one bestows upon some new and singular animal, of whose habits and instincts we are lost in conjecture. Now, I was " York, too," — that is to say, I was Irish as well as himself; and I well knew that there was no rank nor condition of man for which the peasant in Ireland conceives the same low estimate as the " Livery Servant." The class is associated in his mind with chicanery, impudence, false- hood, theft, and a score of similar good properties ; not to add, that being occasionally, in great families, a native of England, the Saxon element is united to the other " bitters " of the potion. Scarcely a " tenant " could be found that would not rather face a mastiff than a footman, — such is the proverbial dislike to these human lilies, who neither toil nor spin. Now, I have said I knew this well : I had been reared in the knowledge and practice of this and many similar antipathies, so that I at once took counsel with myself what I should do to escape from the reproach of a mark so indelibly stamped upon me by externals. " La famille Cullinane " suited me admirably, — they were precisely the kind of people I wanted ; my care, therefore, was that they should reciprocate the want, and be utterly helpless without me. Thus reflecting, I could not help saying to myself, how gladly would I have parted with all these gauds for a homely, ay, or even a ragged suit of native frieze. I remembered the cock on the dunghill, who would have given his diamond for one single grain of corn : and I felt that "yEsop " was a grand political economist. From these and similar mental meanderings I was brought back by Joe ; who, after emptying the ashes from his pipe, 176 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. said, and with a peculiarly dry voice, " Ye'r in a service, young man ? " Now, although the words are few, and the speaker did not intend that his manner should have given them any particular significance, yet the tone, the cautious slowness of the enun- ciation — coupled with the stern steady stare at my " bravery," made them tingle on my ears, and send the blood rushing to my cheeks with shame. It was like a sharp prick of the spur ; and so it turned out. "In a service ! " said I, with a look of offended dignity. " No, I flatter myself not that low yet. What could have made you suppose so ? Oh, I see ! " — here I burst out into a very well-assumed laugh ; " that is excellent, to be sure ! ha, ha, ha ! so it was these," — and I stretched forth my embroidered shins — " it was these deceived you ! and a very natural mistake, too. No, my worthy friend ; not but, indeed, I might envy many in that same ignoble position.'-' I said this with a sudden change of voice, as though overcast by some sad recollection. " 'Twas indeed your dress," said Joe, with a modest defer- ence in his manner, meant to be a full apology for his late blunder. " Maybe 'tis the fashion here." " No, Cullinane," said I, using a freedom which should open the way to our relative future standing ; " no, not even that ;" here I heaved a heavy sigh, and became silent. My companion, abashed by his mistake, said nothing ; and so we sat without interchanging a word for full five minutes. " I have had a struggle with myself, Cullinane," said I, at last ; " and I have conquered. Ay, I have gained the day in a hard-fought battle against my sense of shame. I will be frank with you, therefore. In this dress I appeared to-night on the boards of the Quebec theatre." " A play actor ! " exclaimed Joe, with a face very far from expressing any high sense of the histrionic art. " Not exactly," said I, " only a would-be one. I am a gentleman by birth, family, and fortune ; but taking into my head, in a foolish hour, that I should like the excitement of an actor's life, I fled from home, quitted friends, relatives, affluence, and ease, to follow a strolling company. At another time I may relate to you all the disguises I assumed to escape detection. Immense sums were offered for my apprehension — why do I say were? — ay, Cullinane, are offered. I will not deceive you. It is in your power this instant, by surrender- ing me to my family, to earn five thousand dollars ! " "Do ye think I'd be " A SIGHT IN THE " LOWER TOWN." 177 "No, I do not. In proof of my confidence in you, hear my story. We travelled through, the States at first by un- frequented routes till we reached the north, when gaining courage, I ventured to take a high range of characters, and, I will own it, with success. At last we came to Canada, in which country, although the reward had not been announced, my father had acquainted all the principal people with my flight, entreating them to do their utmost to dissuade me from a career so far below my rank and future prospects. Among others, he wrote to an old friend and schoolfellow, the Governor- General, requesting his aid in this affair. I was always able, from other sources, to learn every step that was taken with this object; so that I not only knew this, but actually possessed a copy of my father's letter to Lord Poynder, wherein this passage occurred — ' Above all things, my dear Poynder, no publicity ! no exposure ! remember the position Cornelius will one day hold, and let him not be ashamed when he may meet you in after-life. If the silly boy can be induced, by his own sense of dignity, to abandon this unworthy pursuit, so much the better ; but coercion would, I fear, give faint hope of eradicating the evil/ Now, as I perceived that no actual force was to be employed against me, I did not hesitate to appear in the part for which the bills announced me. Have you ever read Shakspeare ?" " No, sir," said Joe, respectfully. " Well, no matter. I was to appear as ' Hamlet ' — this is the dress of that character — little suspecting, indeed, how the applause I was accustomed to receive was to be changed. To be brief. In the very centre of the dress-circle was the Governor himself; he came with his whole staff, but without any previous intimation. No sooner had I made my entrance on the scene — scarcely had I begun that magnificent soliloquy, 1 Show me the thief that stole my fame,' — when his Excel- lency commenced hissing ! Now, when the Governor- General hisses, all the staff hiss ; then the President of the Council and all his colleagues hiss ; then comes the bishop and the inferior clergy, with the judges and the Attorney- General, and so on : then all the loyal population of the house joined in, with the exception of a few in the galleries, that hated the British connexion, and who cried out, ' Three cheers for Con Cregan and the independence of Canada ! ' In this way went on the first act ; groans and yells and catcalls over- topping all I tried to say, and screams for the manager to come out issuing from every part of the house. At last out he did come. This for a while made matters worse ; so many N 17 8 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. directions were given, questions asked, and demands made, that it was clearly impossible to hear any one voice; and there stood the manager, swinging his arms about like an insane telegraph, now running to the stage-box at one side, then crossing over to the other, to maintain a little private conversation by signs, till the sense of the house spoke out by accidently catching a glimpse of me in the side-scenes. " ' Is it your pleasure, my lords, ladies, and gentlemen, that this actor should not appear again before you ? ' "'Yes — yes. No — no— no,' were shouted from hundreds of voices. " ' What am I to understand,' said he, bowing with his arms crossed submissively before him ; ' I submit myself to your orders. If Mr. Cregan doos not meet your approba- tion " " ' Throw him into the dock ! — break his neck ! — set him adrift on a log down the Gulf-stream ! — chip him up for bark! — burn him for charcoal!' — and twenty other like humane proposals burst forth together ; and so not waiting to see how far the manager's politeness would carry him, I fled from the theatre. Yes, Cullinane, I fled with shame and disgust from that fickle public, who applaud with ecstasy to- day that they may condemn with infamy to-morrow. Nor was I deceived by the vain egotism of supposing that I was the object of their ungenerous anger. Alas ! my friend, the evil lay deeper — it was my Irish name and family they sought to insult ! The old grudge that they bear us at home, they carry over the seas with them. How plain it is ; they never can forgive our superiority. It is this they seek revenge upon wherever they find us." I own that in giving this peculiar turn to my narrative, I was led by perceiving that my listener had begun to show a most lamentable want of sympathy for myself and my suffer- ings, so I was driven to try what a little patriotism might do in arousing his feelings : and I was right. Some of Culli- nane's connexions had been Terrys — or Blackfeet or White- feet, or some one or other of those pleasant fraternities who study ball- practice, with a landlord for the bull's-eye. He at once caught up the spirit of my remarks, and even quoted some eloquent passages of Mr. O'Connell, about the width of our shoulders, and the calves of our legs, and other like personal advantages, incontestably showing as they do that we never were made to be subject to the Saxon. It was the law of the land, however, which had his heartiest abhorrence. This, like nine-tenths of his own class in Ireland, he regarded A NIGHT IN THE "LOWER TOWN." 179 as a sytematic means of oppression, invented by the rich to give them the tyrannical dominion over the poor. Nor is the belief to be wondered at, considering how cognizant the peasant often is of all the schemes and wiles by which a con- viction is compassed ; nay, the very adroitness of a legal defence in criminal cases — the feints, the quips, the strata- gems — instead of suggesting admiration for those barriers by which the life and liberty of a subject is protected, only engendered a stronger conviction of the roguish character of that ordeal where craft and subtlety could do so much. It was at the close of a very long diatribe over Irish law and lawyers, that Cullinane, whose confidence increased each moment, said, with a sigh, " Ay ! they worn't so 'cute in ould times, when my poor grandfather was tried, as they are now, or maybe he'd have had betther luck.'' " What happened to him ? " said I. " He was hanged, acushla ! " said he, knocking the ashes out of his pipe as leisurely as might be, and then mumbling a scrap of a prayer below his breath. " For what ? " asked I, in some agitation ; but he didn't hear me, being sunk in his own reflections, so that I was forced to repeat my question. "Ye never heerd of one Mr. Shinane, of the Grove?" said he, after a pause ; tl of coorse ye didn't — 'tis many years ago now : but he was well known oncet, and owned a great part of Ennistymore, and a hard man he was. But no matter for that — he was a strong, full man, with rosy cheeks, and stout built, and sorra a lease in the country had not his life in it ! — a thing he liked well, for he used to say, ' It'll be the ruin of ye all, if any one shoots me ! ' Well, my grand- father — rest his sowl in glory ! — was his driver, and used to manage everything on the property for him ; and considerin' what a hard thing it is, he was well liked by the country round — all but by one man, Maurice Cafferty by name. I never seed him, for it was all 'fore I was born, but the name is in my mind, as if I knew him well — I used to hear ifc every night of my life when I was a child ! " There was a dispute about Cafferty's houldin'. and my grandfather was for turnin' him out, for he was a bad tenant ; but Mr. Shinane was afeerd of him, and said, ' Leave him quiet, Mat,' says he ; ' he's a troublesome chap, and we'll get rid of him in our own good time; but don't drive him to extremities : I told him to come up to the cottage this morn- ing : come with me there, and we'll talk to him.' ISTow the cottage was a little place about two miles off, in the woods, N 2 180 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. where the master used to dine sometimes in summer, when they were chipping bark, but nobody lived there. 11 It was remarked by many that morning, as they went along, that my grandfather and Mr. Shinane were in high words all the time, — at least so the people working in the fields thought, and even the childer that was picking bark said that they were talking as if they were very angry with each other. "This was about eleven o'clock, and at the same time Cafferty, w T ho was selling a pig in Ennistymore, said to tho butcher, ' Be quick, and tell me what you'll give, for I must, go home and clean myself, as I'm to speak to the master to-day about my lease.' Well, at a little before twelve Caf- ferty came through the wood, and asked the people had they seen Mr. Shinane pass by, for that he towld him to meet him at the cottage ; and the workmen said yes, and more by token that he was quarrellin' with Mat Cullinane. ' I'm sorry for that,' says Cafferty, ' for I wanted him to be in a good humour, and long life to him ! ' The words wasn't well out, but what would they see but my grandfather running towards them, at the top of his speed, screeching out like mad, ' The master's murdered ! the master's kilt dead ! ' Away they all went to the cottage, and there upon the floor was the dead body, with an axe buried deep in the skull — so deep that only the thick part of the iron was outside. That was the dreadful sight ! and sure enough, after looking at the corpse, every eye was turned on my grandfather, who was leaning on the dresser, pale, and trembling, and his hands and knees all covered with blood. ' How did it happen, Mat ? ' said three or four together ; but Cafferty muttered, ' It's better ask nothing about it ; it's not likely he'll tell us the truth ! ' " The same night my grandfather was arrested on suspicion and brought to Ennis, where he was lodged in gaol ; and although there was no witness agin' him, nor anything more than 1 towld ye, — the high words between them, the axe being my grandfather's, the blood on his clothes and hands, and his dreadful confusion when the people came up, — all these went so hard against him, and particularly as the judge said it was good to make an example, that he was condemned ; and so it was he was hanged on the next Saturday in front of the gaol!" " But what defence did he make ? what account did he give of the circumstance ? " <; All he could tell was, that he was standing beside the master at the table, talking quietly, when he heard a shout and a yell in the wood, and he said, ' They're stealing the A NIGHT IN THE "LOWER TOWN." 181 bark out there ; they'll not leave us a hundredweight of it jet ! ' and out he rushed into the copse. The shouting grew louder, and he thought it was some of the men cryin' for help, and so he never stopped running till he came where they were at work felling trees. ' What's the matter ? ' says he, to the men, as he came up panting and breathless ; * where was the screeching ? ' " ' We heerd nothing,' says the men. " ' Ye heerd nothing ! didn't ye hear yells and shouting this minute?' " ' Sorra bit/ says the men, looking strangely at each other, for my grandfather was agitated, and trembling, between anger and a kind of fear ; just as he said afterwards, ' as if there was something dreadful going to happen him ! * ' Them, was terrible cries, anyway ! ' says my grandfather ; and with that he turned back to the cottage, and it was then that he found the master lying dead on his face, and the axe in his skull. He tried to lift him up, or turn him over on his back, and that was the way he bloodied his hands, and all the front of his clothes. That was all he had to say, and to swear before the sight of Heaven that he didn't do it ! " 2s o matter ! they hanged him for it ! Ay, and I have an ould newspaper in my trunk this minit, where there's a great discoorse about the wickedness of a crayture going out of the world wid a lie on his last breath ! " " And you think he was innocent ? " said I. " Sure, we know it ! sure, the priest said to my father, — * take courage,' says he, ' your father isn't in a bad place. If he's in purgatory,' says he, ' he's not over the broken bridge, where the murderers does be, but in the meadows, where the stream is shallow and stepping-stones in it ! and every stone costs ten masses — sorra more ! ' God help us ! but blood is a dreadful thing ! " And with this reflection, uttered in a voice of fervent feeling, the hardy peasant laid down his pipe ; and I could see, by his muttering lips, and clasped hands, that he was offering up a prayer for the soul's rest of his unhappy kinsman. " And what became of Cafferty ? " said I, as he finished his devotions. " 'Twas never rightly known ; for, after he gave evidence on the trial, the people didn't like him, and he left the place ; some say he went to his mother's relations down in Kerry ! " The deep-drawn breathings of the sleepers around us ; the unbroken stillness of the night j the fast-expiring embers, 182 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. which only flickered at intervals, contributed their aid to make the story more deeply affecting ; and I sat pondering over it, and canvassing within my mind all the probabilities of the condemned man's guilt or innocence ; nor, I must own it, were all my convictions on the side of the narrator's belief ; but even that very doubt heightened the interest considerably. As for Cullinane, his thoughts were evidently less with the incidents of the characters as they lived, than with that long pilgrimage of expiation, in which his imagination pictured his poor relative still a wanderer beyond the grave. The fire now bai*ely flickered, throwing from time to time little jets of light upon the sleeping figures around us, and then leaving all in dark indistinctness. My companion also, crouching down, hid his face within his hands, and either slept or was lost in deep thought, and I alone of all the party was left awake, my mind dwelling on the tale I had just heard with a degree of interest to which the place and the hour strongly contributed. I had been for some time thus, when the sound of feet moving heavily over head, attracted my attention, — they were like the sluggish footsteps of age, but passing to and fro with what seemed haste and eagerness. I could hear a voice, too, which even in its indistinctness I recognized as that of the old woman ; and once or twice fancied I could detect another, whose accents sounded like pain and suffering. The shuffling footsteps still continued, and I heard the old crazy sash of the window opon, and after an interval, shut again, while I distinctly could catch the old hag's voice, saying, " It's all dark without; there's no use * trying! ' " a low whining sound followed; and then I heard the old woman slowly descending the stairs, and by the motion of her hand along the wall I conjectured that she had no light. She stopped as she came to the door, and seemed to listen to the long-drawn breathing of the sleepers ; and then she pushed open the door and entered. With a strange dread of what this might mean, I still resolved to let the event take its course ; and, feigning deepest sleep, I lay back against the wall, and watched her well. Guiding herself along by the wall, she advanced slowly, halting every second or third step to listen, — a strange pre- caution, since her own asthmatic breathing was enough to mask all other sounds. At last she neared the grate ; and then her thin and cord-like fingers passed from the wall, to rest upon my head. It was with a kind of thrill I felt them ; for I perceived by the touch that she did not know on what A NIGHT IN THE " LOWER TOWN." 163 her hand was placed. She knelt down now, close beside me, and stooping over, stirred the embers with her fingers, till she discovered some faint resemblance to fire, amid the dark ashes. To brighten this into flame, she blew upon it for several minutes, and, even taking the live embers in her hands, tried in every way to kindle them. With a patience that seemed untirable, she continued at this for a long time ; now selecting from the hearth some new material to work upon, and now abandoning it for another ; till when I had almost grown drowsy in watching this monotonous process, a thin bright light sprung up, and I saw that she had lighted a little piece of candle that she held in her hand. I think even now I have her before me, as, crouched down upon her knees, and sheltering the candle from the current air of the room, she took a stealthy, but searching glance at the figures, who in every attitude of weariness, were sleeping heavily around. It was not without a great effort that she regained her feet, — for she was very old and infirm ; and now she retraced her steps cautiously as she came — stooping at intervals to listen, and then resuming her way as before. I watched her till she passed out ; and then, as I heard her first heavy foot-step on the stair, I slipped off my shoes, and followed her. My mind throughout the whole of that night had been kept in a state of tension, that invariably has the effect of magnifying the significance of every — even the very com- monest occurrences. It resembles that peculiar condition in certain maladies, when the senses become preternaturally acute ; in such moments the reason is never satisfied with drawing only from inferences for any fact before it ; it seeks for more, and in the effort becomes lost in the mazes of mere fancy. I will own, that as with stealthy step, and noiseless gesture, I followed that old hag, there was a kind of ecstasy in my terror which no mere sense of pleasure could convey. The light seemed to show ghastly shapes, as she passed, on the green and mouldy walls ; and her head, with its masses of long and straggling grey hair, nodded in shadow like some unearthly spectre. As she came nigh the top, I heard a weak and whining cry, something too deep for the voice of infancy, but seeming too faint for manhood. " Ay, ay," croaked the hag harshly, " I'm coming — I'm coming ! " and as she said this, she pushed open a door, and entered a room, which, by the passing gleam of light as she went, I perceived lay next to the roof, for 184 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. the rafters and the tiles were both visible, as there was no ceiling. I held my breath as I slowly stole along, and then reaching the door as it lay half ajar, I crouched down and peeped in. CHAPTER XVII. A "SCENE," AND "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." "When the light of the candle which the old woman carried had somewhat dissipated the darkness, I could see the whole interior of the room ; and certainly, well habituated as I had been from my earliest years to such sights, poverty like this I never had seen before ! Not a chair nor table was there ; a few broken utensils for cooking, such as are usually thrown away as useless among rubbish, stood upon the cold hearth. A few potatoes on one broken dish, and a little meat on another, were the only things like food. It was not for some minutes that I perceived in the corner a miserable bed of straw confined within a plank, supported by two rough stones ; nor was it till I had looked long and closely, that I saw that the figure of a man lay extended on the bed, his stiffened and outstretched limbs resembling those of a corpse. Towards this the old woman now tottered with slow steps, and setting the small piece of candle upright in a saucer, she approached the bed. " There it is, now ; look at it, and make yer mind aisy," said she, placing it on the floor beside the bed, in such a position that he could see it. The sick man turned his face round, and as his eyes met the light, there came over his whole features a wondrous change. Livid and clammy with the death sweat, the rigid muscles relaxed, and in the staring eye-balls and the parted lips there seemed a perfect paroxysm of emotion. " Is that it ? — are ye sure that's it ? " cried he, in a voice to which the momentary excitement imparted strength. " To be sure I am ; I seen Father Ned bless it himself and sprinkle it too ! " said she. " Oh ! the heavenly- " He stopped, and in a lower A " SCENE." 185 voice added, " Say it for me, Molly ! — say it for me, Molly ! I can't say it myself." "Keep your eyes on the blessed candle! " said the hag, peevishly ; " 'tis a quarter dollar it cost me." " Wouldn't he come, Molly ? — did he say he wouldn't come P » " Father Ned ! arrah, 'tis likely he'd come here at night, with the Tapageers on their rounds, and nothing to give him when he kem ! " " Not to hear my last words ! — not to take my confession!" cried he, in a kind of shriek. " Oh ! 'tis the black list of sins I have to own to ! " " Whisht — whisht ! " cried the hag. " 'Tis many a year ago now ; maybe it's all forgot." "No, it's not," cried the dying man, with a wild energy he did not seem to have strength for. " When you wor away, Molly, he was here, standing beside the bed." The old hag laughed with a horrid sardonic laugh. "Don't — don't, for the love of — ah — I can't say — T can't say it," cried he, and the voice died away in the effort. " What did he say to ye when he kem ? " said she, in a scoffing tone. " He never spoke a word, but he pressed back the cloth that was on his head, and I saw the deep cut in it, down to the very face ! " " Well, I am sure it had time to heal before this time," said the woman, with a tone of mockery that at last became palpable to the dying man. " Where's Dan, Molly — did he never come back since ?" " Sorra bit : he said he'd go out of the house, and never come back to it. You frightened the boy with the terrible things you say in j 7 our ravings." " Oh ! murther — murther — my own flesh and blood de- sart me." " Then why won't you be raisonable — why won't you hould your peace about what happened long agone ?" " Because I can't," said he, with a peevish eagerness. " Because I'm going where it's all known a'ready." " Faix, and I wouldn't be remindin' them any way!" said the hag, whose sarcastic impiety added fresh tortures to the dying sinner. " I wanted to tell Father Ned all — I wanted to have masses for him that's gone — the man that suffered instead of me ! Oh dear! — Oh dear! — and nobody will come to me." " If ye cry that loud I'll leave you too," said the hag. J. S3 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 11 They know already 'tis the spotted fever ye have, and the Tapageers would burn the house under ye, if I was to go." " Don't go, Molly — don't leave me," he cried, with heart- rending anguish. " Bring the blessed candle nearer, I don't see it well." " You'll see less of it soon, 'tis nigh out," said she, snuff- ing the wick with her fingers. The dying man now stretched out his fleshless fingers to- wards the light, and I could see by his lips that he was praying. " They're calling me now," cried he, " Molly," — and his voice of a sudden grew strong and full, — " don't ye hear them ? — there it is again — Maurice Cafferty — Maurice Cafferty, yer wan tin'." " Lie down and be at peace," said she, rudely pushing him back on the bed. " The blessed candle — where's the blessed candle ? " shrieked he. " 'Tis out," said the hag, and as she spoke the wick fell into the saucer, and all was dark. A wild and fearful cry broke from the sick man, and re- echoed through the silent house, and ere it died away I had crept stealthy back to my place beside my companions. " Did ye hear anything, or was I dreamin' ? " said Joe to me ; " I thought I heard the most dreadful scream — like a man drownin'." " It was a dream, perhaps," said I, shuddering at the thought of what I had just witnessed, while I listened with terrible anxiety for any sound overhead, but none came ; and so passed the long hours till day-dawn. Without revealing to my companion the terrible scene I had been witness to, I told him that we were in the same house with a fearful malady — an announcement I well knew had greater terror for none than an Irish peasant. He at once decided on departing ; and, although day was barely breaking, he awoke the others, and a low whispering con- versation ensued, in which I felt, or imagined at least, that I was an interested party. At last, Joe turning towards me, said, " And you, sir, what do you mean to do ? " " The very question," said I, " that I cannot answer. If I. were to follow my inclination, I'd turn homeward ; if 1 must yield to necessity, I'll call upon the Governor- General, and remain with him till I hear from my friends." There was a pause — a moment of deliberation seemed to fall upon the bystanders, which at length was broken by the A " SCENE." 187 old man saying, "Well, good luck be with yon, any way 'tis the best thing you could do ! " I saw that I had overshot my bolt, and with difficulty con- cealed my annoyance at my own failure. My irritation was, I conclude, sufficiently apparent, for Joe quickly said, " We're very sorry to part with you ; but if we could be of any use before we go " " Which way do you travel ? " said I, carelessly. " That's the puzzle, for we don't know the country. 'Tis New Orleans we'd like to go to first." "Nothing easier," said I. "Take the steamer to Montreal, cross over into the States, down Lake Champlain to Whitehall, over to Albany, and then twenty hours down the Hudson brings you to New York." " You know the way well ! " said Joe, with an undisguised admiration for my geography, which, I need not tell the reader, was all acquired from books and maps. "I should think so ! " said I, " seeing that I might travel it blindfold ! " " Is it dangerous? Are there Injians ? " said the old man, whose mind seemed very alive to the perils of red men. " There are some tribes on the way,'* said I ; " but the white fellows you meet with are worse than the red ones — such rogues, and assassins, too ! " " The saints presarve us ! How will we ever do it? " " Look out for some smart fellow who knows the way, and thoroughly understands the people, and who can speak French fluently, for the first part of the journey, and who is up to all the Yankee roguery, for the second. Give him full power to guide and direct your expedition, and you'll have both a safe journey and a pleasant one." " Ay, and where will we get him ? " cried one. "And what would he be askin' for his trouble?" said another ; while Joe, with an assenting nod, reiterated both questions, and seemed to expect that answer from me. " It ought to be easy enough in such a city as this," said I, negligently. " Are you acquainted with Forbes and Gudgeon ? They are my bankers. They could, I am sure 7 find out your man at once." " Ah, sir, we know nobody at all ! " exclaimed Joe, in an accent of such humility, that I actually felt shocked at my own duplicity. " By Jove ! " said I, as though a sudden thought had struck me, " very little would make me go with you myself.'^ A regular burst of joy from the whole party here interrupted 188 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CHEGAN. me. " Yes, I'm quite in earnest," said I, with a dignified air. " This place will be excessively distasteful to me hence- forth. I have placed myself in what is called a false position here, and 'twere far better to escape from it at once." " That would be the making of us, all out, if ye could come, Mr. Cregan ! " said Joe. " Let me interrupt you one moment," said I. " If I should accompany you on this journey, there is one condition only upon which I would consent to it." " Whatever you like ; only say it," said he, over whom I had established a species of magnetic influence. " It is this, then," said I, " that you treat me on terms of perfect equality — forget my birth and rank in life ; regard me exactly as one of yourselves. Let me be no longer any- thing but Con Cregan. " " That's mighty handsome, entirely ! " said the old man — a sentiment concurred in by the whole family in chorus. " Remember, then," said I, "no more Mr. Cregan. I am Con — nothing more ! " Joe looked unutterable delight at the condescension. " Secondly, I should not wish to go back to my lodgings here, after what has occurred ; so I'll write a few lines to have my trunks forwarded to Montreal, until which time I'll ask of you to procure me a change of costume, for I cannot bear to be seen in this absurd dress by daylight." " To be sure — whatever you please ! " said Joe, overjoyed at the projected arrangement. After some further discussion on the subject, I inquired where their luggage was stored ; and learned that it lay at the Montreal Steamer Wharf, where it had been deposited the preceding day ; and by a bill of the packets, which Joe produced, I saw that she was to sail that very morning, at eight o'clock. There was then no time to lose ; so I advised my companions to move silently and noiselessly from the house, and to follow me. With an implicit reliance on every direction I uttered, they stole carefully down the stairs, and issued into the street, which was now perfectly deserted. Although in total ignorance of the locality, I stepped out confidently; and first making for the Harbour, as a "point of departure," I at last reached the "New Wharf," as the station of the river steamers was called. With an air of the most consummate effrontery, I entered the office, to bargain for our passage ; and although the clerks were not sparing of their ridicule, both on my pretensions and my costume — as the conversation was carried on in French, my companions stared in wonder at my fluency, and in silent ecstasy at the good fortune that had thrown them into such guidance. It was a busy morning for me ; since besides getting their luggage on board, and procuring them a hearty breakfast, I had also to arrange about my own costume, of which I now felt really ashamed at every step. At length we got under weigh, and steamed stoutly against the fast flowing St. Lawrence ; our decks crowded with a multifarious and motley crew of emigrants, all bound for various places in the Upper Province, but with as pleasant an ignorance of where they were going, what it was like, and how far off, as the most devoted fatalist could have wished for. A few, and they were the shrewd exceptions, remem- bered the name of the city in whose neighbourhood they were about to settle ; many more could only say negatively, that it wasn't Lachine, nor it wasn't Trois Rivieres ; some were only capable of affirming that it was " beyant Montreal," or "higher up than Kingston;" and lastly, a " few bright spirits" were going, " wid the help o' God, where Dan was," or " Peter." They were not downhearted, nor anxious, nor fretful for all this ; far from it. It seemed as if the world before them, in all the attractions of its novelty, suggested hope. They had left a land so full of wretchedness, that no change could well be worse ; so they sat in pleasant little knots and groups upon the deck " discoorsin'." Ay, just so! — "discoorsin'." Sassenach that you are! I hear yon muttering, What is that ? Well, I'll tell you. " Discoor- sin' " is not talking, nor chaffing, nor mere conversing. It is not the causerie of the French, nor the conversazione of Italy, nor is it the Gesprach's Unterhaltung of plodding old Germany, but it is an admirable melange of all together. It is a grand olla podrida, where all things, political, religious, agricultural, and educational, are discussed with such admir- able keeping, such uniformity in the tone of sentiment and expression, that it would be difficult to detect a change in the subject-matter, from the quiet monotony of its handling. The Pope — the praties — Molly Somebody's pig and the Priest's pony — Dan O'Connell's last instalment of hope — the price of oats — the late assizes — laments over the past, the blessed days when there was little law and no police ; when masses were cheap and mutton to be had for stealing it — such were the themes in vogue. And though generally one speaker "held the floor," there was a running chorus of " Sure enough ! " " Devil fear yc ! " " An' why not ? " kept up, that made every hearer a sleeping partner in the eloquence. 190 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. Dissent or contradiction was a thing unheard of; they were all subjects upon which each felt precisely alike. No man's experience pointed to anything save rainy seasons and wet potatoes, cheap bacon and high county cess. Life had its one phase of monotonous want, only broken in upon by the mo- mentary orgie of an election, or the excitement of a county town on the Saturday of an execution. And so it was. Like the nor'-easter that followed them over the seas, came all the memories of what they had left behind. They had little care for even a passing look at the new and strange objects around them. The giant cedar trees along the banks, — the immense rafts, like floating islands, hurrying past on the foaming current, with myriads of figures moving on them, — the endless forests of dark pines, the quaint log-houses, unlike those farther north, and with more pretension to architectural design, — and now and then a Canadian "bateau," shooting past like a sword-fish; its red-capped crew saluting the steamer with a wild cheer that would wake the echoes many a mile away. If they looked at these, it was easy to see that they noted them but indiffer- ently ; their hearts were far away. Ay ! in spite of misery, and hardship, and famine, and flood, they were away in the wilds of Erris, in the bleak plains of Donegal, or the lonely glens of Connemara. It has often struck me that our rulers should have per- petuated the names of Irish localities in the New World. One must have experienced the feeling himself to know the charm of this simple association. The hourly-recurring name that speaks so familiarly of home, is a powerful antidote to the sense of banishment. Well, here I am, prosing about emigrants, and their regrets, and wants, and hopes, and wishes, and forgetting the while the worthy little group who, with a hot "net" of potatoes, (for in this fashion each mess is allowed to boil its quota,) and a very savoury cut of ham, awaited my presence in the steerage: they were good and kindly souls every one of them. The old grandfather was a fine prosy old grumbler about the year '98, and the terrible doings of the " Orangemen." Joe was a stout-hearted, frank fellow, that only wanted fair play in the world to make his path steadily onward. The sons were, in Irish parlance, " good boys," and the girls fine-tempered and good-natured, — as ninety-nine out of the hundred are in the land they come from. Now, shall I forfeit some of my kind reader's consideration if I say that, with all these excellences, and many others besides, they became soon inexpressibly tiresome to me. "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 191 There was not a theme they spoke on, that I had not already by heart. Irish grievances, in all their moods and tenses, had been always " stock pieces" in my father's cabin, and lam bound to acknowledge that the elder Cregan had a sagacity of perception, a shrewdness of discrimination, and an aptitude of expression not to be found every day. Listening to the Cullinanes after him was like hearing the butler commenting in the servants' hall over the debate one had listened to in "the House." It was a strange, queer sensation that I felt coming over me as we travelled along day by day together, and I can even now remember the shriek of ecstasy that escaped me one morning, when I had hit upon the true analysis of my feelings, and jumping up, I exclaimed, " Con ! you are progressing, my boy ; you'll be a gentleman yet ; you have learned to be ' bored ' already ! " From that hour I cul- tivated " my Cullinanes " as people take a course of a Spa, where, nauseous and distasteful at the time, one fancies he is to store up Heaven knows how many years of future health and vigour. In a former chapter of these Confessions I have told the reader the singular sensations I experienced when first under the influence of port wine ; how a kind of transfusion, as it were, of Conservative principles, a respect for order, a love of decorum, a sleepy indisposition to see anything like confusion going on about me ; all feelings which, I take it, are eminently gentleman-like. Well, this fastidious weariness of the Cul- linanes was evidently the " second round of the ladder." " It is a grand thing to be able to look down upon any one ! " I do not mean this in any invidious or unworthy sense ; not for the sake of depreciating others, but purely for the sake of one's own self-esteem. I would but convey that the secret con- viction of superiority is amazingly exhilarating. To " hold your stride " beside an intellect that you can pass when you like, and yet merely accompany to what is called " make a race," is rare fun; to see the other using every effort of whip and spur, bustling, shaking, and lifting, while you, well down in your saddle, never put the rowel to the flank of your fancy, — this is indeed glorious sport ! In return for this, however, there is an intolerable degree of lassitude in the daily asso- ciation of people who are satisfied to talk for ever of the same things in the same terms. The incidents of our journey were few and uninteresting. At I\Iontreal I received a very civil note from Mrs. Davis, accompanying my trunk and my purse. In the few lines I had written to her from the packet- office, I said that my per- 192 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. formance of a servant's character in her establishment had been undertaken for a wager, which I bad just won ; that I begged of her, in consequence, to devote the wages owing to me to any charitable office she should think fit, and kindly to forward my effects to Montreal, together with a certificate under her hand, that my real rank and station had never been detected during my stay in her house ; this document being necessary to convince my friend, Captain Pike, that I had fulfilled the conditions of our bet. Mrs. Davis's reply was a gem. " She had heard or read of Conacre, but didn't suspect we were the Cregans of that place. She did not know how she could ever forgive herself for having subjected me to menial duties. She had indeed been struck — as who had not ? — with certain traits of my manner and address." In fact, poor Mrs. D., what with the material for gossip suggested by the story, the surprise, and the saving of the wages, — for I suspect that, like the Duke in Junius, her charity ended where it is proverbially said to begin, at home, — was in a perfect paroxysm of delight with me, herself, and the whole human race. To me this was a precious document ; it was a patent of gentility at once. It was a passport which, if not issued by authority, had at least the " visa " of one witness to my rank, and I was not the stuff to require many credentials. Before we had decided on what day we should leave Mon- treal, a kind of small mutiny began to show itself among our party. The old man, grown sick of travelling, and seeing the America of his hopes as far off as ever, became restive, and refused to move farther. The sons had made acquaint- ances on board the steamer, who assured them that " about the lakes " — a very vague geography — land was to be had for asking. Peggy and Susan had picked up sweethearts, and wanted to journey westward ; and poor Joe, pulled in these various directions, gave himself up to a little interregnum, of drink, hoping that rum might decide what reason failed in. As for me, I saw that my own influence would depend upon my making myself a partisan ; and, too proud for this, I determined to leave them. I possessed some thirty dollars, — a good kit, — but, better than either, the most unbounded confidence in myself, and a firm conviction that the world was an instrument I should learn to play upon one day or other. There was no use in undeceiving them as to my real rank and station. One of the pleasantest incidents of theirlives would be, in all probability, their having travelled in companionship with a gentleman ; and so, remembering the story of the poor "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 193 alderman who never got over having learned that " Robinson Crusoe " was a fiction, I left them this solace unalloyed ; and after a most cordial leave-taking, and having written down my father's address at New Orleans, I shook hands with the men twice over, kissed the girls ditto, and stepped on board the Kingston steamer, for no other reason that I know, except that she was the first to leave the wharf that morning. I have said that I possessed something like thirty dollars ; an advantageous sale of a part of my wardrobe to a young gentleman about to reside at Queenstown, as a waiter, " realized " me as much more ; and with this sum I resolved upon making a short tour of Canada and the States, in order to pick up a few notions, and increase my store of expe- riences, ere I adopted any fixed career. We laugh at the old gentleman in the play, who on hearing that his son has no want of money, immediately offers him ten pistoles, but who obstinately leaves him to starve when he discovers that he is without funds. We laugh at this, and we deem it absurd and extravagant ; but it is precisely what we see the world do in like circumstances. All its generosity is reserved for all those who do not require assistance ; all its denials for those in need. " My Lord " refuses half a dozen dinners, while the poor devil author only knows the tune of "Roast Beef!" These reflections forced themselves upon me by observing that as I travelled along, apparently in no want of means, a hundred offers were made me by my fellow- travellers of situations and places : one would have enlisted me as his partner in a very lucrative piece of peripateticism — viz., knife-grinding ; a vocation for which, after a few efforts on board the steamer, Nature would seem to have destined me, for I was assured I even picked up the sharp-knowing cock of the eye required to examine the edge, and the style of my pedal-action drew down rounds of applause ; still I did not like it. The endless tramp upon a step, which slipped from beneath you, seemed to emblematize a career that led to nothing ; while an unpleasant association with what I had heard of a treadmill completed my distaste for it. Another opened to me the more ambitious prospect of a shopman at his " store," near Rochester ; and even showed me, by way of temptation, some of the brilliant wares over whose fortunes I should preside. There were ginghams, and taffetas, and cottons of every hue and pattern ; but no, I felt this was not my walk either ; and so I muttered to myself, — o 194 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. "No, Con ! if you meddle with muslin, wait till it's fashioned into a petticoat." My next proposition came from a barber; and really if T did not take to the pole and basin, I own I was llattered at his praises of my skill. He pronounced my brush-hand as something bold, and masterly as Rubens — while my steel manipulation was more brilliant than bloodless. Then there was a Jew spectacle-maker — a hawker of pam- phlets — an Indian moccasin merchant — and twenty other of various walks ; all of whom seemed to opine that their craft, whatever it might be, was exactly the very line adapted to my faculties. Once only was I really tempted : it was by the editor of the Kingston newspaper, The Ontario Herald, who offered to take me into his office, and in time induct me into the gentle pastime of paragraph writing. I did, I own, feel a strong inclination for that free and independent kind of criticism, which, although issuing from a garret, and by the light of a "dip," does not scruple to remind royalty how to comport itself, and gives kings and kaisers smart lessons in good breeding. For a time my mind dwelt on all these delights with ardour ; but I soon felt that he who acts life has an incomparable advantage over him who merely writes it, and that even a poor performer is better, when the world is his stage, than the best critic. I'll wait, thought I, — nothing within, no suggestive push from conscience urged me to follow any of these roads ; and so I journeyed away from Kingston to Fort George, thence to Niagara ; where I amused myself agreeably for a week, sitting all day long upon the Table Rock, and watching the Falls in a dreamy kind of self-consciousness, brought on by the din, the crash, the spray, the floating surf, and that vibra- tion of the air on every side, — which all conspire to make up a sensation, that ever after associates with the memory of that scene, and leaves any effort to desmbe it so difficult. From this I wandered into the States by Schenactady, Utica, and Albany, down the Hudson to New York, thence — but why recite mere names? It was after about three months' travelling, during which my wardrobe shared a fate not dissimilar to ^Esop's bread-basket, that I found myself at New Orleans. Coming even from the varied and strange panorama that so many weeks of continual travelling present, I was struck by the appearance of N^w Orleans. Do not be afraid, worthy reader! you're not "in" for any description of localities. I'll neither inflict jon with a land view nor a sea view. In my company you'll never hear a word about "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 195 the measurement of a cathedral, or the number of feet in height of a steeple. My care and my business are with men and women. They are to me the real objects of travel. The chequered board of human life is the map whose geography I love to study; and my thoughts are far more with the stream that flows from the heart, than with the grandest river that ever sought the sea. When I said I was struck with New Orleans, it was then with the air of its population. Never did I behold such a mass of bold, daring, reckless fellows as swaggered on every side. The fiery Frenchman, the deter- mined-looking Yankee, the dark-browed Spaniard, the Camanche and the half-caste, the Mulatto, the Texan, the Negro, the Cuban, and the Creole, were all here, and all seemed picked specimens of their race. The least acute of observers could not fail to see that it was a land where a quick eye, a steady foot, and a strong hand were requisites of every-day life. The personal en- counters, that in other cities are left altogether to the very lowest class of inhabitants, were here in frequent use among every grade and rank. Every one went armed ; the scenes which so often occurred, showed the precaution a needful one. The wide-awake look of the Yankee was sleepy indifference when contrasted with the intense keenness of aspect that met you here at every step, and you felt at once that you were in company where all your faculties would be few enough for self-protection. This, my first impression of the people, each day's experience served to confirm. Whatever little veils of shame and delicacy men throw over their sharp practices elsewhere, here, I am free to confess, they despised such hypocrisy. It was a free trade in wickedness. In their game of life " cheating was fair." Now this in nowise suited me nor my plans. I soon saw that all the finer traits of my own astuteness would be submerged in the great ocean of coarse roguery around me, and I soon resolved upon taking my departure. The how, and the where to ? — two very important items in the resolve were yet to be solved, and I was trotting along Cliff Street one day, when my eyes rested suddenly upon the great board with large letters on it, " Office of the Picayune" 1 repeated the word over and over a couple of times, and then remembered it was the journal in which the reward for the Black Boatswain had been offered. There was little enough, Heaven knows, in this to give me any interest in the paper ; but the total isolation in which I found myself, without one to speak, to or converse with, made o 2 196 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. me feel that even the Picayune was an acquaintance ; and so I drew near the window, where a considerable number of per- sons were reading the last number of the paper, which in a laudable spirit of generosity was exposed within the glass to public gaze. Mingling with these, but not near enough to read for my- self, I could hear the topics that were discussed ; among which, a row at the Congress — a duel with revolvers — a steam explosion on the Mississippi — and a few smart instances of Lynch-law figured. " What's that in the 'Yune print ? " said a great raw-boned fellow, with a cigar like a small walking-cane in the corner of his mouth. " It's a Texan go," said another ; " sha'n't catch me at that trick." " Well, I don't know," drawled out a sleek-haired man, with a very Yankee drawl ; "I see Roarin' Peter, our judge up at New Small-pox, take a tarnation deal of booty out of that location." " Where had he been ? " asked the tall fellow. "At Guayugualla — over the frontier." " There is a bit to be done about there/' said the other ; and wrapping his mantle about him, lounged off. " Guayugualla ! " repeated I ; and, retiring a little from the crowd, I took from my pocket the little newspaper para- graph of the negro, and read the name which had sounded so familiarly to my ears. I endeavoured once more to approach the window, but the crowd had already increased considerably ; and I had nothing for it but to go in and buy the paper, which now had taken a strong hold upon me. Cheap as was the paper, it cost me that day's dinner ; and it was with a very great anxiety to test the value of my sacrifice, that I hastened to the little miserable den which I had hired as my sleeping-place. Once within, I fastened the door, and spreading out the journal on my bed, proceeded to search for the Texan para- graph. It was headed in capitals, and easily found. It ran thus : — " Wanted, a few downright, go-ahead ones, to join an excursion into the One-Star Republic, — the object being to push a way down south, and open a new trade-line for home doings. Applicants to address the office of the paper, and rally at Galveston, with rifle, pistols, ammunition, horse, pack, and a bowie, on Tuesday, the 8th instant." I'm sure I knew that paragraph off by heart before bed- 197 time ; but just as I have seen a stupid, man commit a proposi- tion in Euclid to memory — without ever being able to work it. I was totally at a loss what to make of the meaning of the expedition. It was, to say the least, somewhat mysterious; and the whole being addressed to " go-ahead ones," who were to come with rifles and bowie-knives, showed that they were not likely to be missionaries. There was one wonderful clause about it ; it smacked of adventure. There was a roving wild- ness in the very thought which pleased me, and I straightway opened a consultation with myself how I could compass the object. My stock of money had dwindled down to four dollars ; and although I still possessed some of the best articles of my wardrobe, the greater portion had been long since disposed of. Alas ! the more I thought over it, the more hopeless did my hope of journey appear, — I made every imaginable good bargain in my fancy ; I disposed of old waistcoats and gaiters, as if they had been the honoured vestments of heroes and sages ; I knocked down my shoes at prices that old Frederick's boots wouldn't have fetched ; and yet, with all this, I fell far short of a sum sufficient to purchase my equipment, — in fact, I saw that if I compassed " the bowie-knife," it would be the full extent of my powers. I dwelt upon this theme so long, that I grew fevered and excited : I got to believe that here was a great career opening before me, to which one petty, miserable obstacle opposed itself. I was like a man deterred from undertaking an immense journey, by the trouble of crossing a rivulet. In this frame of mind I went to bed, but only to rove over my rude fancies, and, in a state between sleep and waking, to imagine that some tiny hand held me back, and prevented me ascending a path, on which Fortune kept waving her hand for me to follow. When day broke, I found myself sitting at my window, with the newspaper in my hands, — though how I came there, or how long I had spent in that attitude, I cannot say, — I only know that my limbs were excessively cold, and my temples hot, and that while my hands were benumbed and swollen, my heart beat faster and fuller than I had ever felt it before. "Now for the Picayune" said I, starting from my chair; " though I never may make the journey, at least I'll ask the road." 198 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. CHAPTER XVIII. THE ORDINARY OF ALL NATIONS. Making my way with difficulty through the crowd which filled the hall of the house, and which consisted of purchasers, news- venders, reporters, printers' devils, and others interested in the Picayune, all eagerly discussing the news of the day, I reached a small back office, where, having knocked timidly twice, I was desired to enter. A man seated at a coarse deal table was cutting out para- graphs from various newspapers, which, as he threw them at either side of him, were eagerly caught up by two or three ragged urchins who were in waiting behind him. He looked up at me as I entered, and roughly asked what I wanted. " I have seen an advertisement in your paper, headed, 'Expedition to Texas' -" " Upstairs — No. 3 — two-pair back," said he, and went on with his labour. I hesitated, hoping he might add something ; but seeing that he had said all he intended or was likely to say, I slowly withdrew. " Upstairs, then — No. 3 — two-pair back," said I to myself, and mounted, with the very vaguest notions of what business I had when I got there. There was no difficulty in finding the place — many others were hastening towards it at the same time ; and in company with some halt-dozen very ill-favoured and meanly-clad fellows, I entered a large room, where about forty men were assembled, who stood in knots or groups, talking in low and confidential tones together. " Is there a committee to-day ? " asked one of those who came in with me. " Business is over," said another. " And is the lottery drawn ?" " Ay, every ticket, except one or two."