PI 
 
 Us 
 
 4884 
 
 Southern Branch 
 of the 
 
 University of California 
 
 Los Angeles 
 
 Form L-l 
 
 
 ■
 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. 
 j ^JL 2 4 RECT 
 
 fVU b 
 
 950 
 
 «AY4 iSSfr 
 
 5w-8,'21
 
 THE CONFESSIONS 
 
 OF 
 
 CON CREGAN
 
 
 LC
 
 L free and Independent lam
 
 THE CONFESSIONS 
 
 CON CREGAN 
 
 «&t frisk <SU §ks 
 
 BY 
 
 CHARLES LEVER 
 
 AUTHOR OF " CHARLES o'MALLEY " 
 
 WITH ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 30036 
 
 LONDON 
 GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS 
 
 The Broadway, Ludgate 
 NEW YORK : 9, LAFAYETTE PLACE
 
 CHARLES LEVER'S WORKS. 
 
 THE "HARRY LORREQUER " EDITION. 
 
 In Crown Zvo, with Illustrations. 
 
 Harry Lorrequer. 
 
 The Dodd Family, vol. x. 
 
 Jack Hinton. 
 
 The Dodd Family, vol 1. 
 
 Charles O'Malley, vol. i. 
 
 Luttrell of Arran. 
 
 Charles O'Malley, vol. 2. 
 
 Davenport Dunn, vol. 1. 
 
 Con Cregan. 
 
 Davenport Dunn, vol. 2. 
 
 The O'Donoghue. 
 
 The Bramleighs of Bishop's Folly. 
 
 Tom Burke, vol. i- 
 
 Lord Kilgobbin. 
 
 Tom Burke, vol. 2. 
 
 The Martins of Cro' Martin, vol. 1. 
 
 One of Them. 
 
 The Martins of Cro' Martin, vol. 2. 
 
 The Daltons, vol. 1. 
 
 That Boy of Norcott's. 
 
 The Daltons, vol. 2. 
 
 The Fortunes of Glencore. 
 
 The Knight of Gwynne, vol. 1. 
 
 Sir Jasper Carew. 
 
 The Knight of Gwynne, vol. 2. 
 
 Maurice Tiernay. 
 
 Arthur O'Leary. 
 
 A Day's Ride : A Life's Romance. 
 
 Roland Cashel, vol. 1. 
 
 Tony Butler. 
 
 Roland Cashel, vol. a. 
 
 Sir Brooke FosbrooV \ 
 
 . Bairington. 
 
 Horace Templeton.
 
 A\ 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 An eminent apothecary of my acquaintance once told me 
 that at each increase to his family, he added ten per cent. 
 to the price of his drugs, and as his quiver was full of 
 daughters, Blackdraught, when I knew him, was a more 
 costly cordial than Curacoa. 
 
 To apply this to my own case, I may mention that I had 
 a daughter born to me about the time this story dates from, 
 and not having at my command the same resource as my 
 friend the chemist, I adopted the alternative of writing 
 another story, to be published contemporaneously with that 
 now appearing — "The Daltons;" and not to incur the 
 reproach so natural in criticism — of over-writing myself — I 
 took care that the work should come out without a name. 
 
 I am not sure that I made any attempt to disguise my 
 style ; I was conscious of scores of blemishes — I decline 
 to call them mannerisms — that would betray me : but I 
 believe I trusted most of all to the fact that I was making 
 my monthly appearance to the world in another story, and 
 with another publisher, and I had my hope that my small 
 duplicity would thus escape undetected. 
 
 I was aware that there was a certain amount of peril in 
 running an opposition coach on the line I had made in some 
 degree my own ; not to say *hat it might be questionable
 
 yi PREFACE. 
 
 policy to glut the public with a kind of writing more 
 remarkable for peculiarity than perfection. 
 
 I remember that excellent Irishman Bianconi, not the less 
 Irish that he was born at Lucca — which was simply a " bull " 
 — once telling me that to popularize a road on which few 
 people were then travelling, and on which his daily two- 
 horse car was accustomed to go its journey, with two or 
 at most three passengers, the idea occurred to him that he 
 would start an opposition conveyance, of course in perfect 
 secrecy, and with every outward show of its being a genuine 
 rival. He effected his object with such success, that his own 
 agents were completely taken in, and never wearied of report- 
 ing, for his gratification, all the shortcomings and disasters 
 of the rival company. 
 
 At length, and when the struggle between the competitors 
 was at its height, one of his drivers rushed frantically into 
 his office one day, crying out, " Give a crown-piece to drink 
 your honour's health for what I done to-day." 
 
 "What was it, Larry?" 
 
 11 1 killed the y allow mare of the opposition car ; I passed 
 her on the long hill, when she was blown, and I bruk her 
 heart before she reached the top." 
 
 " After this I gave up the opposition," said my friend 
 " ' mocking was catching,' as the old proverb says ; and I 
 thought that one might carry a joke a little too far." 
 
 I had this experience before me, and I will not say it did 
 not impress me. My puzzle was, however, in this wise: I 
 imagined I did not care on which horse I stood to win ; in 
 other words, I persuaded myself that it was a matter of per- 
 fect indifference to me which book took best with the public,
 
 PREFACE. Vil 
 
 and whether the reader thought better of " The Daltons " 
 or " Con Cregan," that it could in no way concern me. 
 
 That I totally misunderstood myself, or misconceived the 
 case before me, I am now quite ready to own. For one notice 
 of" The Daltons " by the Press, there were at least three or 
 four of "Con Cregan," and while the former was dismissed 
 with a few polite and measured phrases, the latter was 
 largely praised and freely quoted. Nor was this all. The 
 critics discovered in " Con Cregan " a freshness and a vigour 
 which were so sadly deficient in " The Daltons." It was, 
 they averred, the work of a less practised writer, but of one 
 whose humour was more subtle, and whose portraits, roughly 
 -sketched as they were, indicated a far higher power than the 
 well-known author of "Harry Lorrequer." 
 
 The unknown — for there was no attempt to guess him — 
 was pronounced not to be an imitator of Mr. Lever, though 
 there were certain small points of resemblance ; for he was 
 clearly original in his conception of character, in his conduct 
 of his story, and in his dialogues ; and there were traits of 
 knowledge of life, in scenes and under conditions to which 
 Mr. Lever could lay no claim. One critic, who had found 
 out more features of resemblance between the two writers 
 than his colleagues, uttered a friendly caution to Mr. Lever 
 to look to his laurels, for there was a rival in the field pos- 
 sessing many of the characteristics by which he first won 
 public favour ; but a racy drollery in description and a quaint- 
 ness in his humour all his own. It was the amusement of 
 one of my children at the time to collect these sage comments 
 and torment me with their judgments, and I remember a 
 droll little note-book, in which they were pasted, and read
 
 Vlll PREFACE. 
 
 aloud from time to time with no small amusement and 
 laughter. 
 
 One or two of these I have even now before me : — 
 
 " Our new novelist has great stuff in him." — Bath Gazette. 
 
 " ■ Con Cregan' — author unknown — begins promisingly ; his 
 first number is a decided hit." — Cambridge Chronicle. 
 
 " The writer of * Con Cregan ' is a new hand, but we pre- 
 dict he will be a success." — Cambridge Advertiser. 
 
 11 A new tale, in a style with which Lever and his followers 
 have made us acquainted." — Hampshire Advertiser. 
 
 " This tale is from the pen of an able Irish writer. The 
 dialogue is very smartly written, so much so — and we cannot 
 pay the writer a more genuine compliment — that it bespeaks 
 the author to be an Irishman, &c" — Somerset Gazette. 
 
 " ' Con Cregan ' — by an unnamed author — is a new candi- 
 date for popularity," Sue.— Northern Whig, Belfast. 
 
 " The writer must be an Irishman." — Nottingham Gazette. 
 
 " A new barque, launched by an unknown builder." — Chel- 
 tenham Chronicle. 
 
 " That the author's name is not disclosed will not affect 
 the popularity of this work— one of the most attractive," 
 &c. — Oxford Journal. 
 
 " This is a new tale by the pen of some able Irish 
 writer, the first part of which is only published." — Ten 
 Town Messenger. 
 
 "Another new candidate for popular fame, and 'Harry 
 Lorrequer ' had better look to his laurels. There is a poacher 
 in the manor in the person of the writer of ' Con Cregan.' " — 
 Yorkshireman.
 
 PREFACE. IX 
 
 "'Con Cregan* promises to become as great a fact as 
 1 Harry Lorrequer.' " — People's Journal. 
 
 " The author of * Con Cregan,' whoever he be, is no ordi- 
 nary man." 
 
 " Another daring author has entered the lists, and with 
 every promise of success." — Exeter Post. 
 
 It may sound very absurd to confess it, but I was exces- 
 sively provoked at the superior success of the unacknow- 
 ledged book, and felt the rivalry to the full as painfully as 
 though I had never written a line of it. Was it that I 
 thought well of one story and very meanly of the other ; and 
 in consequence was angry at the want of concurrence of my 
 critics ? I suspect not. I rather imagine I felt hurt at dis- 
 covering how little hold I had, in my acknowledged name, 
 on a public with whom I fancied myself on such good terms, 
 and it pained me to see with what little difficulty a new and 
 a nameless man could push for the place I had believed to be 
 my own. 
 
 "The Daltons" I always wrote, after my habit, in the 
 morning ; I never turned to " Con Cregan" until nigh mid- 
 night ; and I can still remember the widely different feelings 
 with which I addressed myself to the task I liked, and to 
 a story which, in the absurd fashion I have mentioned, was 
 associated with wounded self-love. 
 
 It is scarcely necessary for me to say that there was no 
 plan whatever in this book. My notion was, that " Con 
 Cregan," once created, would not fail to find adventures. 
 The vicissitudes of daily poverty would beget shifts and 
 contrivances ; with these successes would come ambition and
 
 X PREFACE. 
 
 daring. Meanwhile a growing knowledge of life would 
 develop his character, and I should soon see whether he 
 would win the silver spoon or spoil the horn. I ask pardon 
 in the most humble manner for presuming for a moment 
 to associate my hero with the great original of Le Sage. 
 But I used the word " Irish " adjectively, and with the 
 same amount of qualification that one employs to a diamond, 
 and indeed, as I have read it in a London paper, to a 
 "Lord." 
 
 An American officer, of whom I saw much at the time, 
 was my guide to the interior of Mexico ; he had been ori- 
 ginally in the Santa Fe expedition, was a man of most 
 adventurous disposition, and a love of stirring incident and 
 peril, that even broken-down health and a failing constitution 
 could not subdue. 
 
 It was often very difficult for me to tear myself away from 
 his Texan and Mexican experiences, his wild scenes of 
 prairie life, or his sojourn amongst Indian tribes, and keep 
 to the more commonplace events of my own story ; nor could 
 all my entreaties confine him to those descriptions of places 
 and scenes which I needed for my own characters. 
 
 The saunter after tea-time, with this companion, generally 
 along that little river that tumbles through the valley of the 
 Bagno di Lucca, was the usual preparation for my night's 
 work ; and I came to it as intensely possessed by Mexico — 
 dress, manner, and landscape — as though I had been drawing 
 on the recollection of a former journey. 
 
 So completely separated in my mind were the two tales 
 by the different parts of the day in which I wrote them, 
 that no character of "The Daltons" ever crossed my mind
 
 PREFACE. XI 
 
 after nightfall, nor was there a trace of " Con Cregan " 
 in my head at my breakfast next morning. 
 
 None of the characters of this story have been taken from 
 life. The one bit of reality in the whole is in the sketch 
 of " Auticosti," where I myself suffered once a very small 
 shipwreck ; but of which I retain a very vivid recollection 
 to this hour. 
 
 I have already owned that I bore a grudge to the story 
 as I wrote it ; nor have I outlived the memory of the chagrin 
 it cost me, though it is many a year since I acknow- 
 ledged that " Con Cregan " was by the author of " Harry 
 Lorrequer."
 
 CONTENTS, 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 PAOB 
 
 A Peep at my Father 1 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 Another Peep at my Father ....... 6 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 A First Step on Life's Ladder 16 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 * ' How I Entered College, and how I Left it " . . . .26 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 A Peep at " High and Low Company " 33 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 Views of Life" ^ 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 A Bold Stroke for an Opening in the World . , . . 46 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 "A Quiet Chop" at "Killeen's," and a Glance at a New 
 
 Character 61
 
 XIV C0NTENT3. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 PAGtt 
 
 Sir Dudley Broughton 78 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 "The Voyage Out" 88 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 Means and Meditations" 107 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 "A Glimpse of Another Opening in Life" . . . .131 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 Quebec 139 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 How I "Fell In" and "Out" with "the Widow Davis" . 147 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 An Emigrant's First Step "on Shore" 165 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 A Night in the "Lower Town" 175 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 A "Scene" and "My Lucubrations on the St. Lawrence" . 184 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 "The Ordinari of all Nations" 198
 
 CONTENTS. XV 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 On Board op 'The Christobal'" , , 221 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 The Log-Hut at Brazos ♦ . . 240 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 "A Night in a Forest of Texas" 258 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 The Lazaretto of Bexar 275 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 "The Placer" 295 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 The Fate of a Gambusino , . 307 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 La Senhora 322 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 The Discovery". . 348 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 Guajuaqualla " 367 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 The Voyage of the ' Acadie '" 385
 
 XVI CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 PAGK 
 
 The "Carcel Morena" at Malaga ...... 397 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 Consolations op Diplomacy 405 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 "A New Walk in Progressive Life" ...... 423 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 "Moi et Mon Prince 447 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 A Soiree in the "Great World" 457 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 Conclusion 478
 
 THE 
 
 CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 A PEEP AT MY FATHER. 
 
 When we shall have become better acquainted, my worthy 
 reader, there will be little necessity for my insisting upon a 
 fact which, at this early stage of our intimacy, I deem it 
 requisite to mention ; namely, that my native modesty and 
 bashfulness are only second to my veracity, and that while 
 the latter quality in a manner compels me to lay an occa- 
 sional stress upon my own goodness of heart, generosity, can- 
 dour, and so forth, I have, notwithstanding, never introduced 
 the subject without a pang, — such a pang as only a sensitive 
 and diffident nature can suffer or comprehend; there now, 
 not another word of preface or apology! 
 
 I was born in a little cabin on the borders of Meath and 
 King's County : it stood on a small triangular bit of ground, 
 beside a cross road ; and although the place was surveyed 
 every ten years or so, they were never able to say to which 
 county we belonged ; there being just the same number of 
 arguments for one side as for the other; a circumstance, 
 many believed, that decided my father in his original choice 
 of the residence ; for while, under the " disputed boundary 
 question," he paid no rates or county cess, he always made a 
 point of voting at both county elections ! This may seem to 
 indicate that my parent was of a naturally acute habit ; and 
 indeed the way he became possessed of the bit of ground will 
 confirm that impression. 
 
 There was nobody of the rank of gentry in the parish, nor 
 
 B
 
 2 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 even " squireen ; " the richest being a farmer, a snug old fel- 
 low, one Henry M'Cabe, that had two sons, who were always 
 fighting between themselves which was to have the old man's 
 money. Peter, the elder, doing everything to injure Mat, and 
 Mat never backward in paying off the obligation. At last 
 Mat, tired out in the struggle, resolved he would bear no 
 more. He took leave of his father one night, and next day 
 set off for Dublin, and 'listed in the " Buffs." Three weeks 
 after, he sailed for India ; and the old man, overwhelmed by 
 grief, took to his bed, and never arose from it after. 
 
 Not that his death was any way sudden, for he lingered on 
 for months long ; Peter always teasing him to make his will, 
 and be revenged on " the dirty spalpeen " that disgraced the 
 family: but old Harry as stoutly resisting, and declaring 
 that whatever he owned should be fairly divided between 
 them. 
 
 These disputes between them were well known in the 
 neighbourhood. Few of the country people passing the house 
 at night but had overheard the old man's weak reedy voice, 
 and Peter's deep hoarse one, in altercation. When, at last — - 
 it was on a Sunday night — all was still and quiet in the house ; 
 not a word, not a footstep, could be heard, no more than if it 
 were uninhabited, the neighbours looked knowingly at each 
 other, and wondered if the old man was worse — if he were 
 dead! 
 
 It was a little after midnight that a knock came to the 
 door of our cabin. I heard it first, for I used to sleep in a 
 little snug basket near the fire ; but I didn't speak, for I was 
 frightened. It was repeated still louder, and then came a 
 cry—" Con Cregan; Con, I say, open the door ! I want you." 
 I knew the voice well ; it was Peter M'Cabe's ; but I pre- 
 tended to be fast asleep, and snored loudly. At last my 
 father unbolted the door, and I heard him say, " Oh, Mr. 
 Peter, what's the matter ? is the ould man worse ? " 
 
 " Faix that's what he is ! for he's dead ! " 
 
 " Glory be his bed ! when did it happen ? " 
 
 " About an hour ago," said Peter, in a voice that even I 
 from my corner could perceive was greatly agitated. " He 
 died like an ould haythen, Con, and never made a will ! " 
 
 " That's bad," says my father, for he was always a polite 
 man, and said whatever was pleasing to the company. 
 
 "It is bad," said Peter; "but it would be worse if we 
 oouldn't help it. Listen to me now, Corny, I want ye to help 
 me in this business ; and here's five guineas in goold, if ye 
 do what I bid ye. You know that ye were always reckoned
 
 A PEEP AT MY FATHER. 3 
 
 the image of my father, and before he took ill ye were mis- 
 taken for each other every day of the week." 
 
 " Anan ! " said my father ; for he was getting frightened at 
 the notion, without well knowing why. 
 
 " Well, what I want is, for ye to come oyer to the house, 
 and get into the bed." 
 
 " Not beside the corpse ? " said my faxher, trembling. 
 
 " By no means ; but by yourself; and you're to pretend to 
 be my father, and that ye want to make yer will before ye 
 die ; and then I'll send for the neighbours, and Billy Scanlan 
 the schoolmaster, and ye'll tell him what to write, laving all 
 the farm and everything to me, — ye understand. And as 
 the neighbours will see ye, and hear yer voice, it will never 
 be believed but that it was himself that did it." 
 
 " The room must be very dark," says my father. 
 
 " To be sure it will, but have no fear ! Nobody will dare 
 to come nigh the bed ; and ye'll only have to make a cross 
 with yer pen under the name." 
 
 " And the priest ? " said my father. 
 
 " My father quarrelled with him last week about the Easter 
 dues: and Father Tom said he'd not give him the 'rites:' 
 and that's lucky now ! Come along now, quick, for we've no 
 time to lose : it must be all finished before the day breaks." 
 
 My father did not lose much time at his toilet, for he just 
 wrapped his big coat 'round him, and slipping on his brogues, 
 left the house. I sat up in the basket and listened till they 
 were gone some minutes ; and then, in a costume as light as 
 my parent's, set out after them, to watch the course of the 
 adventure. I thought to take a short cut, and be before 
 them ; but by bad luck I fell into a bog-hole, and only 
 escaped being drowned by a chance. As it was, when I 
 reached the house, the performance had already begun. 
 
 I think I see the whole scene this instant before my eyes, 
 as I sat on a little window with one pane, and that a broken 
 one, and surveyed the proceeding. It was a large room, at 
 one end of which was a bed, and beside it a table, with 
 physic-bottles, and spoons, and teacups ; a little farther off 
 was another table, at which sat Billy Scanlan, with all manner 
 of writing materials before him. The country people sat two, 
 sometimes three, deep round the walls, all intently eager and 
 anxious for the coming event. Peter himself went from 
 place to place, trying to smother his grief, and occasionally 
 helping the company to whisky — which was supplied with 
 more than accustomed liberality. 
 
 All my consciousness of the deceit and trickery could not 
 
 b 2
 
 4 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 deprive the scene of a certain solemnity. The misty distance 
 of the half-lighted room ; the highly-wronght expression of 
 the country people's faces, never more intensely excited than 
 at some moment of this kind ; the low, deep-drawn breathings, 
 unbroken save by a sigh or a sob— the tribute of affectionate 
 sorrow to some lost friend, whose memory was thus forcibly 
 brought back : these, I repeat it, were all so real, that, as I 
 looked, a thrilling sense of awe stole over me, and I actually 
 shook with fear. 
 
 A low faint cough, from the dark corner where the bed 
 stood, seemed to cause even a deeper stillness ; and then in a 
 silence, where the buzzing of a fly would have been heard, 
 my father said, " Where's Billy Scanlan ? I want to make 
 my will ! " 
 
 " He's here, father ! " said Peter, taking Billy by the hand 
 and leading him to the bedside. 
 
 " Write what I bid ye, Billy, and be quick ; for I hav'n't a 
 long time afore me here. I die a good Catholic, though 
 Father O'Rafferty won't give me the ' rites ! ' " 
 
 A general chorus of muttered 
 now heard through the room ; but whether in grief over the 
 sad fate of the dying man, or the unflinching severity of the 
 priest, is hard to say. 
 
 " I die in peace with all my neighbours and all man- 
 kind ! " 
 
 Another chorus of the company seemed to approve these 
 charitable expressions. 
 
 " I bequeath unto my son, Peter, — and never was there a 
 better son, or a decenter boy ! — have you that down ? I 
 bequeath unto my son, Peter, the whole of my two farms 
 of Killimundoonery and Knocksheboora, with the fallow 
 meadows behind Lynch's house ; the forge, and the right of 
 turf on the Dooran bog. I give him, and much good may it 
 do him, Lanty Cassarn's acre, and the Luary field, with the 
 limekiln ; and that reminds me that my mouth is just as 
 dry ; let me taste what ye have in the jug." Here the dying 
 man took a very hearty pull, and seemed considerably re- 
 freshed by it. " Where was I, Billy Scanlan ? " says he ; 
 " oh, I remember, at the limekiln ; I leave him — that's Peter, 
 I mean — the two potato-gardens at Noonan's Well ; and it is 
 the elegant fine crops grows there." 
 
 "An't you gettin' wake, father, darlin'? " says Peter; who 
 began to be afraid of my father's loquaciousness ; for, to say 
 the truth, the punch got into his head, and he was greatly 
 disposed to talk.
 
 A. PEEP AT MY FATHER. 5 
 
 "I am, Peter, my son," says he; "I am getting wake; 
 just touch my lips again with the jug. Ah, Peter, Peter, you 
 watered the drink ! " 
 
 " No, indeed, fattier ; but it's the taste is leavin' you," says 
 Peter; and again a low chorus of compassionate pity mur- 
 mured through the cabin. 
 
 "Well, I'm nearly done now," says my father: "there's 
 only one little plot of ground remaining ; and I put it on 
 you, Peter, — as ye wish to live a good man, and die with the 
 same easy heart I do now, — that ye mind my last words to 
 ye here. Are ye listening ? Are the neighbours listening ? 
 Is Billy Scanlan listening ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir. Yes, father. We're all minding," chorused the 
 audience. 
 
 " Well, then, it's my last will and testament, and may- 
 give me over the jug," — here he took a long drink — " and 
 may that blessed liquor be poison to me if I'm not as eager 
 about this as every other part of my will ; I say, then, I 
 bequeath the little plot at the cross-roads to poor Con Cregan ; 
 for he has a heavy charge, and is as honest and as hard- 
 working a man as ever I knew. Be a friend to him, Peter, 
 dear ; never let him want while ye have it yourself ; think 
 of me on my death-bed whenever he asks ye for any trifle. 
 Is it down, Billy Scanlan ? the two acres at the cross to Con 
 Cregan, and his heirs in secla seclorum. Ah, blessed be the 
 saints ! but I feel my heart lighter after that," says he ; " a 
 good work makes an easy conscience ; and now I'll drink all 
 the company's good health, and many happy returns " 
 
 What he was going to add, there's no saying ; but Peter, 
 who was now terribly frightened at the lively tone the sick 
 man was assuming, hurried all the people away into another 
 room, to let his father die in peace. 
 
 When they were all gone, Peter slipped back to my father, 
 who was putting on his brogues in a corner : " Con," says 
 he, " ye did it all well ; but sure that was a joke about the 
 two acres at the cross." 
 
 " Of course it was, Peter," says he ; " sure it was all a 
 joke for the matter of that : won't I make the neighbours 
 laugh hearty to-morrow when I tell them all about it ! " 
 
 "You wouldn't be mean enough to betray me?" says 
 Peter, trembling with fright. 
 
 " Sure ye wouldn't be mean enough to go against yer father's 
 dying words?" says my father; " the last sentence ever he 
 spoke;" and here he gave a low wicked laugh, that made 
 myself shake with fear.
 
 6 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " Very well, Con! " says Peter, holding out his hand ; " a 
 bargain's a bargain ; yer a deep fellow, that's all ! " and so 
 it ended ; and my father slipped quietly home over the bog, 
 mighty well satisfied with the legacy he left himself. 
 
 And thus we became the owners of the little spot known 
 to this day as Con's Acre ; of which, more hereafter. 
 
 CHAPTER IL 
 
 ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER. 
 
 My father's prosperity had the usual effect it has in similar 
 cases. It lifted him into a different sphere of companion- 
 ship, and suggested new habits of life. No longer neces- 
 sitated to labour daily for his bread, by a very slight exercise 
 of industry he could cultivate his" potato-garden;" and every 
 one who knows anything of Ireland, well knows that the 
 potato and its corollary — the pig, supply every want of an 
 Irish cottier household. 
 
 Being thus at liberty to dispose of himself and his time, 
 my parent was enabled to practise a long-desired and much- 
 coveted mode of life, which was to frequent " sheebeens " and 
 alehouses, and all similar places of resort ; not, indeed, for 
 the gratification of any passion for drink, — for my father 
 only indulged when he was " treated," and never could 
 bring himself to spend a farthing in liquor himself, but his 
 great fondness for these places took its origin in his passion 
 for talk. Never, indeed, lived there a man — from Lord 
 Brougham himself downwards — who had a greater taste 
 for gossip and loquaciousness than my father. It mattered 
 little what the subject, he was ahvays ready; and whether it 
 w^ere a crim. con. in the newspapers, a seizure for rent, a 
 marriage in high life, or a pig in the pound — there he was, 
 explaining away all difficult terms of law and jurisprudence; 
 and many a difficulty that Tom Cafferty, the postmaster, had 
 attempted in vain to solve, was, by a kind of " writ of error," 
 removed to my father's court for explanation and decision. 
 
 That he soon became a kind of authority in the neigh- 
 bouring town of Kilbeggan, need not excite any surprise. It
 
 ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER. / 
 
 is men of precisely his kind, and with talents of an order 
 very similar to his, that wield influence in the great cities of 
 the earth. It is your talking, pushing, forward men, seeming 
 always confident in what they say — never acknowledging 
 an error nor confessing a defeat, who take the lead in life. 
 With average ability, and ten times the average assurance, 
 they reach the goal that bashful merit never even so much as 
 gets within sight of. 
 
 His chief resort, however, was the Court of Quarter Ses- 
 sions, where he sat from the first opening case to the last 
 judgment, watching with an intense interest all the vacillating 
 changes of the law's uncertainty, which unquestionably were 
 not in any way diminished by the singular individual who pre- 
 sided in that seat of justice. Simon Ball — or as he was better 
 known at the bar, Snow Ball — an epithet he owed to his 
 white head and eyebrows, had qualified himself for the bench 
 by improving upon the proverbial attribute of justice. He 
 was not only blind but deaf. For something like forty-five 
 years he had walked the hall of the Four Courts with an 
 empty bag, and a head scarcely more encumbered, when one 
 morning — no one could guess why — the Gazette announced 
 that the Lord Lieutenant had appointed him to the vacant 
 chairmanship of Westmeath — a promotion which had the 
 effect of confounding all political animosity by its perfect 
 unaccountableness. 
 
 It is a law of Nature that nothing ever goes to loss. Bad 
 wine will make very tolerable vinegar ; spoiled hay is converted 
 into good manure; and so, a very middling lawyer often 
 drops down into a very respectable judge. Had the gods 
 but acknowledged Mr. Bali's abilities some years earlier, 
 doubtless he had been an exception to the theory. They 
 waited, however, so long, that both sight and hearing were 
 in abeyance when the promotion came. It seemed to rally 
 him, however, this act of recognition, although late. It was 
 a kind of corroboration of the self-estimate of a long life, 
 and he prepared to show the world that he was very different 
 from what they took him for. No men have the bump of 
 self-esteem like lawyers ; they live, and grow old, and die, 
 always fancying that Holts, and Hales, and Mansfields, are 
 hid within the unostentatious exterior of their dusty gar- 
 ments ; and that, the wit that dazzles, and the pathos that 
 thrills, are all rusting inside, just for want of a little of that 
 cheering encouragement by which their contemporaries are 
 clad in silk and walk in high places. Snow Ball was deter- 
 mined to show the world its error, and with a smart frock
 
 8 THE CONFESSIONS OP OON CREGAN. 
 
 and green spectacles, lie took the field like a u fine old Irish 
 barrister," with many a dry joke or sly sarcasm, curled up 
 in the wrinkles beside his mouth. However cheap a man 
 may be held by his fellows in the " Hall," he is always sure 
 of a compensation in the provinces. There, the country 
 gentlemen looked upon their chairman as a Blackstone ; not 
 alone a storehouse of law, but a great appeal upon questions 
 of general knowledge and information. I should scarcely 
 have ventured upon what some of my readers may regard as 
 a mere digression, if it were not that the gentleman and 
 the peculiar nature of his infirmities had led to an intimate 
 relation with my father. My parent's fondness for law, and 
 all appertaining to it, had attached him to the little inn where 
 Mr. Ball usually put up at each season of his visit: and 
 gradually, by tendering little services, as fetching an um- 
 brella when it rained, hastening for a book of reference if 
 called for, searching out an important witness, and probably 
 by a most frequent and respectful use of the title "my lord,'* 
 instead of the humble " your worship," he succeeded in so 
 ingratiating himself with the judge, that without exactly 
 occupying any precise station, or having any regular em- 
 ployment, he became in some sort a recognized appendage — 
 a kind of " unpaid attache to the court" of Kilbeggan. 
 
 My father was one of those persons who usually ask only a 
 "lift" from Fortune, and do not require to be continually 
 aided by her. From being the humble attendant on the judge, 
 he soon succeeded to being his privy councillor ; supplying a 
 hundred little secret details of the neighbourhood and its local 
 failings, which usually gave Mr. Ball's decisions on the bench 
 an air approaching inspiration, so full were they of a know- 
 ledge of individual life. As confidence ripened, my father 
 was employed in reading out to the judge of an evening the 
 various depositions of witnesses, the informations laid, and 
 the affidavits sworn — opportunities from which he did not 
 neglect to derive the full advantage : for while he usually 
 accompanied the written document with a running commen- 
 tary of his own to Mr. Ball, he also contrived to let the 
 suitor feel how great was his knowledge of the case, and 
 what a powerful influence behind the scenes he wielded over 
 the fortunes of the cause, insomuch that it became soon well 
 known that he who had Con Cregan on his side was better 
 off than with the whole bench of country magistrates disposed 
 to favour him. 
 
 My father's prudence did not desert him in these trying 
 circumstances. Without any historical knowledge of the
 
 ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER. 9 
 
 matter, he knew by a species of instinct, that pride was the 
 wreck of most men, and that, to wield real substantial power, 
 it is often necessary to assume a garb of apparent inefficiency 
 and incapacity. To this end, the greater the influence he 
 possessed, the humbler did he affect to be ; disclaiming every- 
 thing like power, he got credit for possessing a far greater 
 share than he ever really enjoyed. 
 
 That the stream of justice did not run perfectly pure and 
 clear, however, may not be a matter of surprise ; for how 
 many rocks, and shoals, and quicksands, are there in the 
 channel ! and certainly my father was a dangerous hand at 
 the wheel. Litigation, it must be owned, lost much of its 
 vacillation. The usual question about any case, was, " What 
 does Con say ! did Con Cregan tell ye ye'll win ? " That was 
 decisive ; none sceptical enough to ask for more ! 
 
 At the feet of this Gamaliel I was brought up ; nothing the 
 more tenderly that a stepmother presided over the *' home 
 department." As I was a stout boy, of some thirteen or 
 fourteen at this period of my father's life, and could read and 
 write tolerably well, I was constantly employed in making 
 copies of various papers used at the Sessions. Were I 
 psychologically inclined, I might pause here to inquire, how 
 far these peculiar studies had their influence in biassing the 
 whole tenor of my very eventful life ; what latent stores of 
 artifice did I lay up from all these curious subtleties ; how 
 did I habituate my mind to weigh and balance probabilities, 
 as evidence inclined to this side or that ; above all, how 
 gratified was I with the discovery, that there existed a legal 
 right and wrong, perfectly distinct from the moral ones ; a 
 fact which served at once to open the path of life far wider 
 and more amply before me. 
 
 I must, however, leave this investigation to the reader's 
 acuteness, if he think it worth following out ; nor would I 
 now allude to it, save as it affords me the opportunity, once for 
 all, of explaining modes of thinking and acting which might 
 seem, without some such clue, as unfitting and unseemly, in 
 one reared and brought up as I was. 
 
 Whether the new dignity of his station had disposed him to 
 it or not, I cannot say, but my father became far more stern 
 in his manner and exacting in his requirements as he rose in 
 life. The practice of the law seemed to impart some feature 
 of its own peremptory character to himself, as he issued his 
 orders in our humble household with all the impressive 
 solemnity of a writ — indeed, aiding the effect — by phrases 
 taken from the awful vocabulary of justice.
 
 10 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 If iny stepmother objected to anything, the answer was 
 usually, she might " traverse in prox " at the next Sessions ; 
 while to myself every order was in the style of a " mandamus." 
 Not satisfied with the mere terrors of the Bench, he became 
 so enamoured of the pursuit, as to borrow some features of 
 prison discipline for the conduct of our household ; thus, for 
 the slightest infractions of his severe code, I was " put" upon 
 No. 3, Penitentiary diet, — only reading potatoes vice bread. 
 
 There would seem to be something uncongenial to obedi- 
 ence in any form, in the life of an Irish peasant ; something 
 doubtless in the smell of the turf. He seems to imbibe a 
 taste for freedom, by the very architecture of his dwelling, 
 and the easy unbuttoned liberty of his corduroys. Young as 
 I was, I suppose the Celt was strong within me ; and the 
 Times says, that will account for all delinquencies. I felt this 
 powerfully ; not the less, indeed, that my father almost in- 
 variably visited me with the penalty of the case, then before 
 the Court : so that while copying out at night the details of 
 the prosecution, I had time to meditate over the coming 
 sentence. It was, perhaps, fortunate for me that capital cases 
 do not come under the jurisdiction of a " sitting barrister," 
 otherwise I verily believe I might have suffered the last 
 penalty of the law from my parent's infatuation. 
 
 My sense of " equity " at last revolted. I perceived, that 
 no matter who "sued," I was always " cast ;" and I at length 
 resolved on resistance. I remember well the night this 
 resolution was formed, it was a cold and cheerless one of 
 January ; my father had given me a great mass of papers to 
 copy, and along article for the newspapers to write out, which 
 the " Judge " was to embody in his address to the Bench. I 
 never put pen to either, but sate with my head between my 
 hands for twelve mortal hours, revolving every possible 
 wickedness, and wondering, whether in my ingenuity I could 
 not invent some offences that no indictment could comprise. 
 Day broke, and found me still unoccupied. I was just medi- 
 tating whether I should avow my rebellion openly, and 
 " plead " in mitigation, when my father came in. 
 
 My reader must excuse me if I do not dwell on what 
 followed. It is enough to say that the nature of my injuries 
 are unknown to the criminal statute, and that although my 
 wounds and bruises are familiar to the prize-ring, they are 
 ignored by all jurisprudence out of the slave states. Even 
 my stepmother confessed, that I was not fit to " pick out of 
 the gutter," and she proved her words by leaving me where 
 I lay.
 
 ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER. 11 
 
 Revenge must be a very " human " passion ; my taste for 
 it came quite naturally. I had never read " Othello " nor 
 "Zanga;" but I conceived a very clear and precise notion 
 that I had a debt to pay, and pay it I would. Had the 
 obligation been of a pecuniary character, and some " bank- 
 rupt commission " been in jurisdiction over it, I had doubtless 
 been called upon to discharge it in a series of instalments 
 proportional to my means of life ; being a moral debt, how- 
 ever, I enjoyed the privilege of paying it at once, and in full : 
 which I did thus. I had often remarked that my father arose 
 at night and left the cabin, crossing a little garden behind 
 the house to a little shed, where our pig and an ass lived in 
 harmony together ; and here, by dint of patient observation, 
 I discovered that his occupation lay in the thatch of the afore- 
 said shed, in which he seemed to conceal some object of value. 
 
 Thither I now repaired, some secret prompting suggesting 
 that it might afford me the wished for means of vengeance ; 
 my disappointment was indeed great, that no compact roll of 
 bank-notes, no thick woollen stocking close packed with 
 guineas, or even crown-pieces, met my hand ; a heavy bundle 
 of papers and parchment were all I could find; and these 
 bore such an unhappy family resemblance to the cause of all 
 my misfortunes, that I was ready to tear them to pieces in 
 very spite. A mere second's reflection suggested a better 
 course. There was a certain attorney in Kilbeggan, one 
 Morissy, my father's bitterest enemy; indeed, my parent's 
 influence in the Session court had almost ruined and left him 
 without a client. The man of law and precedents in vain 
 struggled against decisions, which a secret and irresponsible 
 adviser contrived beforehand, and Morissy's knowledge and 
 experience were soon discovered to be valueless. It was a 
 game in which skill went for nothing. 
 
 This gentleman's character at once pointed him oat as the 
 fitting agent of vengeance on my father, and by an hour 
 after daybreak did I present myself before him in all the con- 
 sciousness of my injured state. 
 
 Mr. Morissy's reception of me was not over gracious. 
 
 " Well, ye spawn of the devil," said he, as he turned about 
 from a small fragment of looking-glass, before which he was 
 Bhaving : " what brings ye here ? bad luck to ye ; the sight 
 of ye's made me cut myself." 
 
 " I'm come, sir, for a bit of advice, sir," said I, putting my 
 hand to my hat in salutation. 
 
 "Assault and battery ! " said he, with a grin on the side of 
 his mouth where the soap had been shaved away.
 
 12 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " Yes, sir; an aggravated case," said I, using the phrase of 
 the sessions. 
 
 " Why don't ye apply to yer father ? he's j Crown lawyer 
 and Attorney- General ; faith, he's more besides — he's judge 
 and jury too." 
 
 "And more than that in the present suit, sir," says I, 
 following up his illustration; " he's the defendant here." 
 
 " What ! is that his doing ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir ; his own hand and mark," said I, laughing. 
 
 " That's an ugly cut, and mighty near the eye ! but sure, 
 after all, you're his child." 
 
 " Very true, sir ; it's only paternal correction ; but I have 
 something else ! " 
 
 "What's that, Con my boy?" said he; for we were now 
 grown very familiar. 
 
 " It is this, sir," said I ; " this roll of papers that I found 
 hid in the thatch — a safe place my father used to make his 
 strong-box." 
 
 " Let us see ! " said Morissy, sitting down and opening the 
 package ; many were old summonses discharged, notices to 
 quit withdrawn, and so on ; but at last he came to two papers 
 pinned together, at sight of which he almost jumped from 
 his chair. M Con," says he, " describe the place you found 
 them in." I went over all the discovery again. " Did ye 
 yourself see your father put in papers there ? " 
 
 "I did, sir." 
 
 " On more than one occasion ? " 
 
 " At least a dozen times, sir." 
 
 " Did ye ever remark any one else putting papers there ? " 
 
 " Never, sir ! none of the neighbours ever come through 
 the garden." 
 
 " And it was always at night, and in secret, he used to 
 repair there ? " 
 
 " Always at night." 
 
 " That'll do, Con ; that'll do, my son. You'll soon turn 
 the tables on the old boy. You may go do down to the 
 kitchen and get your breakfast ; be sure, however, that you 
 don't leave the house to-day. Your father mustn't know 
 where ye are till we're ready for him." 
 
 " Is it a strong case, sir ? " said I. 
 
 11 A very strong case — never a flaw in it." 
 
 " Is it more than a larceny, sir? " said I. 
 
 " It is better than that." 
 
 " I'd rather it didn't go too far," said I, for I was beginning 
 to feel afraid of what I had done.
 
 ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER. 13 
 
 " Leave that to me, Con," said Mr. Morissy, u and go down 
 to yer breakfast." 
 
 I did as I was bid, and never stirred out of the house the 
 whole day, nor for eight days after; when one morning 
 Morissy bid me clean myself, and brush my hair, to come 
 with him to the Court-house. 
 
 I guessed at once what was going to happen ; and now, as 
 my head was healed, and all my bruises cured, I'd very gladly 
 have forgiven all the affair, and gone home again with my 
 father ; but it was too late. As Mr. Morissy said, with a grin, 
 " The law is an elegant contrivance; a child's finger can set 
 it in motion, but a steam engine could not hold it back after- 
 wards! " 
 
 The Court was very full that morning; there was five 
 magistrates on the bench, and Mr. Ball in the middle of them. 
 There were a great many farmers, too, for it was market-day ; 
 and numbers of the townspeople, who all knew my father, and 
 were not sorry to see him " up." Cregan versus Cregan 
 stood third on the list of cases ; and very little interest 
 attached to the two that preceded it. At last it was called ; 
 and there I stood before the Bench, with five hundred pair of 
 eyes all bent upon me; and two of them actually looking 
 through my very brain — for they were my father's, as he stood 
 at the opposite side of the table below the Bench. 
 
 The case was called an assault, and very soon terminated ; 
 for, by my own admission, it was clear that I deserved pun- 
 ishment ; though probably not so severely as it had been 
 inflicted. The judge delivered a very impressive lesson to 
 my father and myself, about our respective duties, and dis- 
 missed the case, with a reproof, the greater share of which 
 fell to me. u You may go now, sir," said he, winding up a 
 fine peroration ; " fear God and honour the king ; respect 
 your parents, and make your capitals smaller." 
 
 " Before your worship dismisses the witness," said Morissy, 
 " I wish to put a few questions to him." 
 
 " The case is disposed of ; call the next," said the judge, 
 angrily. 
 
 " I have a most important fact to disclose to your worship — ■ 
 one which is of the highest importance to the due administra- 
 tion of justice — one which, if suffered to lie in obscurity, will be 
 a disgrace to the law, and a reproach to the learned Bench." 
 
 " Call the next case, crier," said the judge. " Sit down, 
 Mr. Morissy." 
 
 "Your worship may commit me ; but I will be heard " 
 
 " Tipstaff! take that man into "
 
 14 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 " When you hear of a mandamus from the King's Bench 
 — when you know that a case of compounding a felony " 
 
 " Come away, Mr. Morissy ; come quiet, sir ! " said the 
 police-sergeant. 
 
 " What were ye saying of a mandamus ? " said the judge, 
 getting frightened at the dreaded word. 
 
 '.' I was saying this, sir," said Morissy, turning fiercely 
 round ; " that I am possessed of information which you re- 
 fused to hear, and which will make the voice of the Chief 
 Justice heard in this court, which now denies its ear to truth." 
 
 " Conduct yourself more becomingly, sir," said one of the 
 county magistrates, "and open your case." 
 
 Morissy, who was far more submissive to the gentry than 
 to the chairman, at once replied in his blandest tone : — 
 
 " Your worship, it is now more than a month since I ap- 
 peared before you in the case of Noonan versus M'Quade and 
 others ; an aggravated case of homicide, T might go further, 
 and apply to it the most awful term the vocabulary of justice 
 contains ! Your worship will remember, that on that very 
 interesting and important case a document was missing, of 
 such a character that the main feature of the case seemed 
 actually to hang upon it. This was no less than the death- 
 bed confession of Noonan, formally taken before a justice of 
 the peace, Mr. Styles, and written with all the accurate regard 
 to circumstances the law exacts. Mr. Styles, the magistrate 
 who took the deposition, was killed by a fall from his horse 
 the following week ; his clerk being ill, the individual who 
 wrote the case was Con Cregan. Your worship may bear in 
 mind that this man, when called to the witness box, denied 
 all knowledge of this dying confession ; asserted that what 
 he took down in writing were simply some brief and unsatis- 
 factory notes of the affray — all to the advantage of the 
 M'Quades — and swore that Mr. Styles, who often alluded to 
 the document as a confession, was entirely in error, the 
 whole substance of it being unimportant and vague : some 
 very illegible, and ill-written notes, corroborating which, 
 were produced in court, as the papers in question. 
 
 " Noonan being dead, and Mr. Styles also, the whole case 
 rested on the evidence of Cregan, and although your wor- 
 ship, the man's character for veracity was not of that nature 
 among the persons of his own neighbourhood to " 
 
 " Confine yourself to the case, sir," said the judge, " with- 
 out introducing matter of mere common report." 
 
 " I am in a position to prove my assertion,'' said Morissy, 
 triumphantly, " I hold here in my hand the abstracted docu-
 
 ANOTHER PEEP AT MY FATHER. 15 
 
 ments, signed and sealed by Mr. Styles, and engrossed with 
 every item of regularity. I have more : a memorandum 
 purporting to be a copy of a receipt for eighteen pounds ten 
 shillings, received by Cregan, from Jos. M'Quade, the wages 
 of this crime ; and, if more were necessary, a promissory- 
 note from M'Quade for an additional sum of seven pounds, 
 at six months' date. These are the papers which I am pre- 
 pared to prove in Court; this, the evidence, which a few 
 minutes back I tendered in vain before you, and there," said 
 he, turning with a vindictive solemnity to where my father was 
 standing, pale, but collected, "there's the man who, dis- 
 tinguished by your worship's confidence, I now arraign for 
 the suppression of this evidence, and the composition of a 
 felony ! " 
 
 If Mr. Morissy was not perfectly correct in his law, there 
 wa3 still quite enough to establish a charge of misdemeanour 
 against my father: and he was accordingly committed for 
 trial at the approaching assizes, while I was delivered over to 
 the charge of a police-sergeant, to be in readiness when my 
 testimony should be required. 
 
 The downfall of a dynasty is sure to evoke severe recrimi- 
 nation against the late ruler, and now my parent, who but 
 a few days past could have tilted the beam of justice at his 
 mere pleasure, was overwhelmed with, not merely abuse and 
 attack, but several weighty accusations of crime were alleged 
 against him. Not only was it discovered that he interfered 
 with the due course of justice, but that he was a prime actor 
 in, and contriver of, many of the scenes of insurrectionary dis- 
 turbance, which for years back had filled the country with 
 alarm and the gaols with criminals. 
 
 For one of these cases, a night attack for arms, the evi- 
 dence was so complete and unquestionable, that the Crown 
 jDrosecutor disliking the exhibition of a son giving evidence 
 against his parent, dispensed with my attendance altogether, 
 and prosecuting the graver charge obtained a verdict of 
 guilty. 
 
 The sentence was transportation for life, with a confisca- 
 tion of all property to the Crown. Thus my first step in life, 
 was to exile my father, and leave myself a beggar; a pro- 
 mising beginning, it must be owned !
 
 1Q THE CONFESSIONS OF CON ORBGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 A FIRST STKP OK Lira's LADDKR. 
 
 It is among the strange and singular anomalies of our nature, 
 that however pleased men may be at the conviction of a noted 
 offender, few of those instrumental to his punishment are 
 held in honour and esteem. If all Kilbeggan rejoiced, as 
 they did, at my father's downfall, a very considerable share 
 of obloquy rested on me ; a species of judgment, I honestly 
 confess, that I was not the least prepared for. 
 
 " There goes the little informer," said they, as I passed ; 
 w what did ye get for hanging, — " a very admirable piece of 
 Irish exaggeration — " for hanging yer father, Con ? " said one. 
 
 " Couldn't ye help yer stepmother to a say voyage ? " 
 shouted another. 
 
 " And then we'd be rid of yez all," chimed in a third. 
 
 " He's rich now," whined out an old beggar-man that 
 often had eaten his potatoes at our fireside. " He's rich now, 
 the chap is ; he'll marry a lady ! " 
 
 This was the hardest to bear of all the slights, for not 
 alone had I lost all pretension to my father's property, 
 but the raggedness of my clothes, and the general misery of 
 my appearance, might have saved me from the reproach of 
 what is so forcibly termed a blood-money." 
 
 " Come over to me this evening," said Father Rush, and 
 they were the only words of comfort I heard from any side. 
 *' Come over to me about six o'clock, Con, for I want to speak 
 to you." 
 
 They were long hours that intervened between that and 
 six. I could not stay in the town where every one I met 
 had some sneer or scoff against me ; I could not go home, I 
 had none ! and so, I wandered out into the open country, 
 taking my course towards a bleak common, about two miles 
 off, where few, if any one, was like to be but myself. 
 
 This wild and dreary tract lay alongside of the main road 
 to Athlone, and was traversed by several footpaths, by which 
 the country people were accustomed to make " short-cuts " 
 to market, from one part of the road to another ; for the way 
 passing through a bog, took many a winding turn as the 
 ground necessitated.
 
 17 
 
 There is a feeling of lonely desolation in wide far- stretching 
 wastes, that accords well with the purposeless vacuity of 
 hopelessness ; but somehow or other the very similitude 
 between the scene without, and the sense of desolation 
 within, establishes a kind of companionship. Lear was 
 speaking like a true philosopher when he uttered the words, 
 " I like this rocking of the battlements." 
 
 I had wandered some hours "here and there" upon the 
 common ; and it was now the decline of day, when I saw at 
 a little distance from me the figure of a young man, whose 
 dress and appearance bespoke condition, running along at a 
 brisk pace, but evidently labouring under great fatigue. 
 
 The instant he saw me he halted, and cried out, " I say, 
 mv boy, is that Kilbeggan yonder, where I see the spire ? " 
 '"Yes, sir." 
 
 " And where is the high road to Athlone? " 
 
 " Yonder, sir, where the two trees are standing." 
 
 " Have you seen the coach pass — the mail for Athlone ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir, she went through the town about half an 
 hour ago." 
 
 " Are ye certain, boy ? are ye quite sure of this ? " cried 
 he, in a voice of great agitation. 
 
 " I am quite sure, sir : they always change horses at 
 Moone's public-house ; and I saw them * draw up ' there more 
 than half an hour since." 
 
 " Is there no other coach passes this road for Dublin ? " 
 
 " The night mail, sir, but she does not go to-night ; this is 
 Saturday." 
 
 "What is to be done?" said the youth in deep sorrow, 
 and he seated himself on a stone as he spoke, and hid his 
 face between his hands. 
 
 As he sat thus, I had time to mark him well, and scan 
 every detail of his appearance. 
 
 Although tall and stoutly knit, he could not have been 
 above sixteen, or at most seventeen years of age ; his dress, 
 a kind of shooting-jacket, was made in a cut that affected 
 fashion ; and I observed on one finger of his very white hand 
 a ring, which, even to my uneducated eyes, bespoke con- 
 siderable value. 
 
 He looked up at last, and his eyes were very red, and a 
 certain trembling of the lips showed that he was much 
 affected. " I suppose, my lad, I can find a chaise or a 
 carriage of some kind in Kilbeggan?" said he, "for I have 
 lost the mail. I had got out for a walk, and by the advice 
 of a countryman taken this path over the bog, expecting, as 
 
 C
 
 18 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 he told me, it would cut off several miles of way. I suppose 
 I must have mistaken him, for I have been running for above 
 an hour, and am too late after all ; but still, if I can find 
 a chaise, I shall be in time yet." 
 
 " They're all gone, sir," said I ; " and sorry am I to have 
 such tidings to tell. The Sessions broke up to-day, and 
 they're away with the lawyers to Kinnegad." 
 
 " And how far is that from us ? " 
 
 " Sixteen miles or more, by the road." 
 
 " And how am I to get there ? " 
 
 " Unless ye walk it " 
 
 " Walk ! impossible. I am dead beat already; besides the 
 time it would take would lose me all chance of reaching 
 Dublin as I want." 
 
 " Andy Smith has a horse, if he'd lend it ; and there's a 
 short road by Hogau's boreen." 
 
 " Where does this Smith live ? " said he, stopping me 
 impatiently. 
 
 " Not a half-mile from here ; you can see the house from 
 this." 
 
 " Come along, then, and show me the way, my boy," said 
 he ; and the gleam of hope seemed to lend alacrity to his 
 movements. 
 
 Away we set together, and, as we went, it was arranged 
 between us that if Audy would hire out his mare, I should 
 accompany the rider as guide, and bring back the animal to 
 its owner, while the traveller proceeded on his journey to 
 town. 
 
 The negotiation was tedious enough; for, at first, Andy 
 wouldn't appear at all ; he thought it was a process server 
 was after him — a suspicion probably suggested by my pre- 
 sence, as it was generally believed that a rag of my father's 
 mantle had descended to me. It was only after a very cau- 
 tious and careful scrutiny of the young traveller through a 
 small glass eye — it wasn't a window — in the mud wall, that 
 he would consent to come out. When he did so, he treated 
 the proposal most indignantly. " Is it he hire out his baste ? 
 as if she was a dirty garraun of Betty Nowlan's of the head 
 inn, he wondered who'd ask the like ! " and so on. 
 
 The youth, deterred by this reception, would have aban- 
 doned the scheme at once ; but I, better acquainted with such 
 characters as Andy, and knowing that his difficulties were 
 only items in the intended charge, higgled, and bargained, 
 and bullied, and blarneyed by turns ; and, after some five- 
 and-forty minutes of alternate joking and abusing each other,
 
 A FIRST STEP ON LIFE'S LADDER. 19 
 
 it was at last agreed on that the " baste " was to be ceded 
 for the sum of fifteen shillings — " two-and-sixpence more if 
 his honour was pleased with the way she carried him." The 
 turnpike and a feed of oats being also at the charge of the 
 rider, as well as all repairs of shoes incurred by loss, or other- 
 wise. Then there came a supplemental clause as to the pecu- 
 liar care of the animal. How " she wasn't to be let drink 
 too much at once, for she'd get the cholic; " and if she needed 
 shoeing, she was to have a "twitch" on her nose, or she'd 
 kick the forge to " smithereens." The same precaution to 
 be taken if the saddle required fresh girthing; a hint was 
 given besides, not to touch her with the left heel, or she'd 
 certainly kick the rider with the hind leg of the same side ; 
 and, as a last caution given, to be on our guard at the cross- 
 roads at Toomes-bridge, or she'd run away towards Croghan, 
 where she once was turned out in foal. " Barring " these 
 peculiarities, and certain smaller difficulties about mounting, 
 " she was a lamb, and the sweetest tempered crayture ever 
 was haltered." 
 
 In the very midst of this panegyric upon the animal's good 
 and noble qualities he flung open the door of a little shed, 
 and exhibited her to our view. I verily believe, whatever 
 the urgency of the youth's reason for proceeding, that his 
 heart failed him at the sight of the steed ; a second's recon- 
 sideration seemed to rally his courage, and he said, " JN"o 
 matter, it can't be helped ; saddle her at once, and let us 
 be off." 
 
 " That's easier said nor done," muttered Andy to himself, 
 as he stood at the door, without venturing a step farther. 
 " Con," said he, at last, in a species of coaxing tone I well 
 knew boded peril, " Con, a cushla ! get a hould of her by the 
 head, that's a fine chap ; make a spring at the forelock." 
 
 " Maybe she'd kick " 
 
 '.' Sorra kick! get up there, now, and I'll be talking to you 
 all the while." 
 
 This proposition, though doubtless meant as most encou- 
 raging, by no means reassured me. 
 
 " Come, come ! I'll bridle the infernal beast," said the 
 youth, losing all patience with both of us, and he sprung for- 
 ward into the stable ; but barely had he time to jump back, as 
 the animal let fly with both hind legs together. Andy, well 
 aware of what was coming, pulled us both back and shut to 
 the door, against which the hoofs kept up one rattling din of 
 kicks that shook the crazy edifice from roof to ground. 
 
 "Ye see what comes of startlin' her; the crayture's timid 
 
 c 2
 
 20 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 as a kid," said Andy, whose blanched cheek badly corrobo- 
 rated his assumed composure. " Ye may do what ye plaze, 
 barrin' putting a bridle on her ; she never took kindly to 
 that!" 
 
 " But do ye intend me to ride her without one ? " said the 
 youth. 
 
 " By no manner of means, sir," said Andy, with a plausible 
 slowness on each word, that gave him time to think of an 
 expedient, " I wouldn't be guilty of the like ; none that knows 
 me would ever say it to me : I'm a poor man " 
 
 "You're a devilish tiresome one," broke in the youth sud- 
 denly ; " here we have been above half an hour standing at 
 the door, and none the nearer our departure than when we 
 arrived." 
 
 " Christy Moore could bridle her, if he was here," said 
 Andy ; " but he's gone to Moate, and won't be back till even- 
 ing ; may be that would do ? " 
 
 A very impatient, and not very pious exclamation con- 
 signed Christy to an untimely fate. " Well, don't be angry, 
 any how, sir," said Andy, " there's many a thing a body 
 might think of, if they wern't startled ; see, now, I have a 
 way this minute ; an elegant fine way, too/' 
 
 " Well, what is it ? Confound your long-winded speeches! " 
 
 " There, now, you're angry again ! sure it's enough to give 
 one quite a through-otherness, and not leave them time to 
 reflect." 
 
 " Your plan, your plan ! " said the young man, his lips 
 trembling with anger and impatience. 
 
 " Here it is, then ; let the ■ Gossoon,' " meaning me, " get 
 up on the roof and take off two or three of the scraws, the 
 sods of grass, till he can get through, and then steal down on 
 the mare's back; when he's once on her, she'll never stir 
 head nor foot, and he can slip the bridle over her quite asy." 
 
 " The boy might be killed ; no, no, I'll not suffer that " 
 
 "Wait, sir," cried I, interrupting, "it's not so hard after 
 all; once on her back I defy her to throw me." 
 
 •' Sure I know that well ; sorra better rider in the Meath 
 hunt than little Con," broke in Andy; backing me with a 
 ready flattery he thought would deceive me. 
 
 It was not without reluctance that the youth consented to 
 this forlorn hope, but he yielded at last; and so, with a bridle 
 fastened round me like a scarf, I was hoisted on the roof by 
 Andy ; and under a volley of encouraging expressions, ex- 
 horted to u go in and win." 
 
 " There ! there, a cushla! " cried Andy, as he saw me per-
 
 A FIRST STEP ON LIFERS LADDER. 21 
 
 forming the first act of the piece with a vigour he had never 
 calculated on ; " 'tisn't a coach and six ye want to drive 
 through. Tear and ages ! ye'll take the whole roof off." 
 The truth was I worked away with a malicious pleasure in 
 the destruction of the old miser's roof; nor is it quite certain 
 how far my zeal might have carried me ; when suddenly one 
 of the rafters — mere light poles of ash — gave way, and down 
 I went, at first slowly, and then quicker, into a kind of 
 funnel formed by the smashed timbers and the earthen sods. 
 The crash, the din, and the dust, appeared to have terrified 
 the wicked beast below, for she stood trembling in one corner 
 of the stable, and never moved a limb as I walked boldly up 
 and passed the bridle over her head. This done, I had barely 
 time to spring on her back, when the door was forced open 
 by the young gentleman, whose fears for my fate had absorbed 
 every other thought. 
 
 " Are you safe, my boy, quite safe ? " be cried, making his 
 way over the fallen rubbish. 
 
 " Oh ! the devil fear him," cried Andy in a perfect rage of 
 passion ; "I wish it was his bones was smashed, instead of 
 the roof-sticks — see ! — Och, murther, only look at this." 
 And Andy stood amid the ruins, a most comical picture of 
 affliction, in part real and in part assumed. Meanwhile the 
 youth had advanced to my side, and with many a kind 
 and encouraging word, more than repaid me for all my 
 danger. 
 
 " 'Tisn't five pound will pay the damage," cried Andy, 
 running up on his fingers a sum of imaginary arithmetic. 
 
 " Where's the saddle, you old " What the young man 
 
 was about to add, I know not ; but at a look from me — he 
 stopped short. 
 
 " Is it abusin' me you're for now afther wrecking my house 
 and destroying my premises ? " cried Andy, whose temper 
 was far from sweetened by the late catastrophe. " Sure what 
 marcy my poor beast would get from the likes of ye ! sorry 
 step she'll go in yer company ; pay the damages ye done, 
 and be off." 
 
 Here was a new turn of affairs, and judging from the 
 irascibility of both parties, a most disastrous one : it de- 
 manded, indeed, all my skill, — all the practised dexterity of 
 a mind trained, as mine had been by many a subtlety, to effect 
 a compromise, which I did thus : my patron being cast in 
 the costs of all the damages, to the amount of twenty 
 shillings, and the original contract to be maintained in all its 
 integrity.
 
 22 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 The young man paid the money without speaking; but I 
 had time to mark that the purse from which he drew it was 
 far from weighty. " Are we free to go at last ? " cried he, in 
 a voice of suppressed wrath. 
 
 "Yes, yer honour; all's right," answered Andy, whose 
 heart was mollified at the sight of money ; " a pleasant 
 journey, and safe to ye ; take good care of the beast, don't 
 ride her over the stones, and " 
 
 The remainder of the exhortation was lost to us, as we set 
 forth in a short jog-trot, I running alongside. 
 
 " When we are once below the hill, yonder," said I to my 
 companion, " give her the whip, and make up for lost time." 
 
 " And how are you to keep up, my lad," asked he in some 
 surprise. 
 
 I could scarcely avoid a laugh at the simplicity of the 
 question, as if an Irish gossoon with his foot on his native 
 bog, wouldn't be an overmatch in a day's journey for the best 
 hack that ever ambled. Awa}^ we went, sometimes joking 
 over, sometimes abusing the old miser Andy, of whom, for 
 my fellow-traveller's amusement, I told various little traits 
 and stories, at which he laughed with a zest quite new to me 
 to witness. My desire to be entertaining then led me on to 
 speak of my father and his many curious adventures — the 
 skill with which he could foment litigation, and the wily 
 stratagems by which he sustained it afterwards. All the 
 cunning devices of the process server I narrated with a gusto 
 that smaeked of my early training ; how, sometimes, my 
 crafty parent would append a summons to the collar of a dog, 
 and lie in wait till he saw the owner take it off and read it, 
 and them emerging from his concealment, cry out " sarved," 
 and take to his heels ; and again how he once succeeded in 
 " serving " eld Andy himself, by appearing as a beggar 
 woman, and begging him to light a bit of paper to kindle her 
 pipe. The moment, however, he took the bit of twisted paper, 
 the assumed beggar-woman screamed out, " Andy, yer sarved : 
 that's a process, my man ! " The shock almost took Andy's 
 life ; and there's not a beggar in the barony dares to come 
 near him since. 
 
 "Your father must be well off, then, I suppose," said my 
 companion. 
 
 " He was, a few weeks ago, sir; but misfortune has come 
 on us since that." I was ashamed to go on, and yet I felt 
 that strange impulse so strong in the Irish peasant to narrate 
 anything of a character which can interest by harrowing and 
 exciting the feelings.
 
 THE FIRST STEP ON LIFE'S LADDER. 23 
 
 Very little pressing was needed to make me recount the 
 whole story, down to the departure of my father with the other 
 prisoners sentenced to transportation. 
 
 " And whither were you going when I met you this morn- 
 ing on the common ?" said my fellow-traveller, in a voice of 
 some interest. 
 
 " To seek my fortune, sir," was my brief answer ; and 
 either the words, or the way they were uttered, seemed to 
 strike my companion, for he drew up short and stared at me, 
 repeating the phrase, " Seek your fortune ! " " Just so," said 
 I, warmed by an enthusiasm which then was beginning to 
 kindle within me, and which for many a long year since, and 
 in many a trying emergency, has cheered and sustained me. 
 " Just so, the world is wide, and there's a path for every one, 
 if they'd only look for it." 
 
 " But you saw what came of my taking a short cut, this 
 morning," said my companion, laughing. 
 
 " And you'd have been time enough too, if you had been 
 always thinking of what you were about, sir : but as you 
 told me, you began a thinking and a dreaming of twenty 
 things far away ; besides, who knows what good turn luck 
 may take, just at the very moment when we seem to have 
 least of it." 
 
 " You're quite a philosopher, Con," said he, smiling. 
 
 " So Father Mahon used to say, sir," said I, proudly, 
 and in reality highly flattered at the reiteration of the 
 epithet. 
 
 Thus chatting, we journeyed along, lightening the way 
 with talk, and making the hours seem to me the very plea- 
 santest I had ever passed. At last we came in sight of the 
 steeple of Kinnegad, which lay in the plain before us, about 
 a mile distant. 
 
 The little town of Kinnegad was all astir as we entered it. 
 The " up mail" had just come down, in the main street, send- 
 ing all its passengers flying in various directions — through 
 shop- windows ; into cow-houses and piggeries ; some being 
 proudly perched on the roof of a cabin, and others most 
 ignobly seated on a dunghill ; the most lamentable figure 
 of all being an elderly gentleman, who, having cut a sum* 
 merset through an apothecary's window, came forth cut by a 
 hundred small vials, and bearing on his person unmistakable 
 evidence of every odour from tar-water to assafcetida. The 
 conveyance itself lay, like the Ark after the deluge, quietly 
 reposing on one side ; while animals, male and female, " after 
 their kind," issued from within. Limping and disconsolate
 
 24 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 figures were being assisted into the inn ; and black eyes and 
 smashed faces were as rife as in a country fair. 
 
 I was not slow in appropriating the calamity to a good 
 purpose ; " See, sir," I whispered to my companion, " you 
 said, a while ago, that nobody had such bad luck as yourself; 
 think what might have happened you now, if you hadn't 
 missed the coach." 
 
 " True enough, Con," said he, ** there is such a thing as 
 being too late for bad as well as for good fortune ; and I 
 experience it now. But the next question is, how to get for- 
 ward ; for, of course, with a broken axle, the mail cannot 
 proceed further." 
 
 The difficulty was soon got over. The halt and the 
 maimed passengers, after loudly inveighing against all coach- 
 proprietors, — the man that made, and the man that horsed, — 
 he that drove, and he that greased the wheels of all public 
 conveyances, demanded, loudly, to be forwarded to the end 
 of their journey by various chaises, and other vehicles of the 
 town. I at the same time making use of my legal knowledge 
 to suggest that while doing so, they acted under protest ; 
 that it was " without prejudice " to any future proceedings 
 they might deem fit to adopt for compensatory damages. If 
 some laughed heartily at the source from which the hint 
 came, others said I was a " devilish shrewd chap," and 
 insinuated something about a joint-stock subscription of six- 
 pences for my benefit ; but the motion was apparently 
 unseconded, and so, like many benefactors of my species, I 
 had to apply to my conscience for my reward ; or safer still, 
 had to wait till 1 could pay myself. 
 
 My young companion, who now, in a few words, told me 
 that he was a student at Trinity College, and a "reader 
 for honours," pulled oat his purse to pay me. " Remember, 
 my boy, the name of Henry Lyndsay ; I'm easily found, if 
 you chance to come to Dublin ; not that I can be of much 
 service to any one, but I shall not forget the service you 
 rendered me this day. Here, take this, pay for the mare's 
 feeding, and when she has rested " 
 
 I would not suffer him to proceed further, but broke in : 
 " I'm not going back, sir ! I'll never turn my footsteps that 
 way again ! Leave the mare in the inn ; Andy comes every 
 Saturday here for the market, and will find her safe. As for 
 me, I must 'seek my fortune;' and when one has to search 
 for anything, there's nothing like beginning early." 
 
 "You're a strange fellow, Con," said he, looking at me; 
 and I was shrewd enough to see that his features exhibited
 
 A FIRST STEP ON LIFE'S LADDER. 25 
 
 no small astonishment at my words. " And where do you 
 intend to look for this same fortune you speak of?" 
 
 " No one place in particular, sir! I read in an old book 
 once, that good luck is like sunshine, and is not found in all 
 climates at the same time ; so I intend to ramble about; and 
 when I breakfast on the sunny side of the apple, never stay 
 to dine off the green one." 
 
 " And you are the kind of fellow to succeed ! " said he, half 
 to himself, and rather as though reflecting on my words than 
 addressing me. 
 
 " So I intend, sir !" replied I, confidently. 
 
 " Have you ever read ' Gil Bias,' Con ? " 
 
 " I have it almost by heart, sir." 
 
 " That's it ! " said he, laughing ; " I see whence you've got 
 your taste for adventure. But remember, Con, Gil Bias lived 
 in different times from ours, and in a very different land. 
 He was, besides, a well-educated fellow, with no small share 
 of good looks and good manners." 
 
 "As forage and country, sir," said I, boldly, "men and 
 women are pretty much alike at all times, and in all places ; 
 in the old book I told you of a while ago, I read that human 
 passions, like the features of the face, are only infinite 
 varieties of the same few ingredients. Then, as to educa- 
 tion and the rest, — what one man can pick up, so can another. 
 The will is the great thing, and I feel it very strong in me. 
 And now, to give a proof of it, I am determined to go up to 
 Dublin, and with your honour, too and you'll see if I won't 
 have my way." 
 
 " So you shall, Con ! " replied he, laughing ; " I'll take 
 you on the top of the chaise ; and although T cannot afford to 
 keep a servant, you shall stay with me in College, until 
 chance, in which you have such implicit faith, shall provide 
 better for you. Come now, lead the mare into the stable, for 
 I see my companions are packing up to be gone." 
 
 I was not slow in obeying the orders, and soon returned to 
 assist my new master with his luggage. All was quickly 
 settled ; and a few minutes after saw me seated on a port- 
 manteau on the roof on my way to Dublin.
 
 26 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 M HOW I ENTERED COLLEGE, AND HOW I LEFT IT." 
 
 It was still dark, on a drizzling morning in January, as we 
 reached the Capital ; the lamps shone faintly through the 
 foggy, wet atmosphere ; and the gloom was deepened as we 
 entered the narrow streets at the west of the city. A few 
 glimmering lights from five-stories' high, showed where 
 some early riser was awaking to his daily toil ; while here 
 and there, some rough-coated policeman stood at the corner 
 of a street to be rained on ; except these, no sign of living 
 thing appeared ; and I own the whole aspect was a sad 
 damper to the ardour of that enthusiasm which had often 
 pictured the great metropolis as some gorgeous fairy land. 
 
 The carriage stopped twice, to set down two of the travel- 
 lers, in obscure dingy streets, and then I heard Mr. Lynd- 
 say say, " To the College ; " and on we went through a 
 long labyrinth of narrow lanes and thoroughfares, which 
 gradually widened out into more spacious streets, and at 
 length arrived at a great building, whose massive gates 
 slowly opened to receive, and then solemnly closed after us. 
 We now stood in a spacious quadrangle, silent and noiseless 
 as a church at midnight. 
 
 Mr. Lyndsay hastily descended, and ordering me to carry 
 in some of the baggage, I followed him into a large scantily- 
 furnished room, beyond which was a bedchamber, of like 
 accommodation. " This is my home, Con," said he, with a 
 melancholy attempt at a smile ; " and here," said he, leading 
 me to a small one-windowed room on the opposite side, 
 " here is yours." A bed, of that humble kind called a 
 stretcher, placed against one wall, and a large chest for 
 holding coals against the other,— a bottomless chair, and a 
 shoe-brush with very scanty bristles, constituted the entire 
 furniture. 
 
 It was some time after all the luggage was removed before 
 Mr. Lyndsay could get rid of the postillion; like all poor 
 men in a like predicament, he had to bargain, and reason, 
 and remonstrate, submitting to many a mortification, and 
 enduring many a sore pang, at the pitiless ribaldry, which 
 knows nothing so contemptible as poverty; at last, after
 
 "HOW I ENTERED COLLEGE, AND HOW I LEFT IT." 27 
 
 various reflections on the presumption of people who travel 
 and cannot afford it, on their vanity, self-conceit, and so 
 forth, — the fellow departed, with what my ears assured me 
 was no contemptible share of my poor master's purse. 
 
 I was sitting alone in my den during this scene, not wish- 
 ing by my presence to add anything to his mortification; 
 and now all was still and noiseless, I waited for some time 
 expecting to be called, — to be told of some trilling service to 
 execute, or, at least, to be spoken to : but no, not a sound, 
 not a murmur was to be heard. 
 
 My own thoughts were none of the brightest ; the ceaseless 
 rain that streamed against the little window, and shutout all 
 prospect of what was without ; the cold and cheerless cham- 
 ber, and the death-like silence, were like lead upon my 
 heart. 
 
 I had often, in my reveries at home, fancied that all who 
 were lifted above the cottier in life must have neither care nor 
 sorrow ; that real want was unknown, save in their class ; 
 and that all afflictions of those more highly placed were of a 
 character too trifling to be deemed serious ; and now suddenly 
 there came to me the thought, What, if every one had his 
 share of grief? I vow, the very suspicion thrilled through 
 me, and I sat still, dwelling on the sad theme with deep 
 intensity. 
 
 As I sat thus, a sigh, low, but distinct came from the ad- 
 joining chamber. I suddenly remembered my young master, 
 and crept noiselessly to the door ; it stood ajar, and I could 
 see in, and mark everything well. He was sitting at a table 
 covered with books and writing materials ; a single candle 
 threw its yellow glare over the whole, and lit up with a sickly 
 tint the travel-worn and tired features of the youth. 
 
 As I looked, he leaned his forehead down upon his arm, and 
 seemed either overcome by sorrow or fatigue ; when suddenly 
 a deep-booming bell sent forth a solemn peal, and made the 
 very chamber vibrate with its din. Lyndsay started at the 
 sound ; a kind of shudder, like a convulsive throe, shook his 
 limbs ; and sitting up on his seat, he pushed back the falling 
 hair from his eyes, and again addressed himself to his book. 
 The heavy tolling sounds seemed now no longer to distract, 
 but rather to nerve him to greater efforts, for he read on with 
 an intense persistence ; turning from volume to volume, and 
 repeatedly noting down on the paper as he read. 
 
 Of a sudden the bell ceased, and Lyndsay arose from the 
 table, and passed into the bedroom ; from which he almost 
 instantaneously reappeared, dressed in his cap and gown ; a
 
 -so THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 new and curious costume in my eyes, but which at the time 
 was invested with a deep mysterious interest to me. 
 
 I retired silently now to my room, and saw him pass out 
 into the wide court. I hastened to look out. Already some 
 hundred others in similar costume were assembled there, and 
 the buzz of voices, and the sound of many feet, were a pleasant 
 relief to the desert-like silence of the court as I had seen it 
 before. The change was, however, of a very brief duration ; 
 in less than a minute the whole assemblage moved off, and 
 entered a great building, whose heavy door closed on them 
 with a deep bang, and all was still once more. 
 
 I now set myself to think by what small services I could 
 render myself acceptable to my young master. I arranged 
 the scanty furniture into a resemblance — faint enough, cer- 
 tainly, to comfort, and made a cheerful fire with the remnant 
 of the roomy coal-box. This done, I proceeded to put his 
 clothes in order, and actually astonished myself with the 
 skill I seemed to possess in my new walk. An intense 
 curiosity to know what was going on without led me frequently 
 to the door which led into the court ; but I profited little by 
 this step. The only figures which met my eye were now and 
 then some elderly personage clad in his academic robes, 
 gravely wending towards the ''Hall," and the far less 
 imposing cries of some "college women," as the hags are 
 called, who officiate as the University housemaids. 
 
 It was at one of these visits that suddenly I heard the 
 great door of the " Hall " burst open with a crash, and 
 immediately down the steps poured the black tide of figures, 
 talking and laughing in one multifarious din, that seemed to 
 fill the very air. Cautiously withdrawing, I closed the door, 
 and retired ; but scarcely had I reached my room, when 
 young Lyndsay passed through to his own chamber: his 
 cheek was flushed, and his eyes sparkled with animation, and 
 his whole air and gesture indicated great excitement. 
 
 Having removed his cravat, and bathed his temples with 
 cold water, he once more sat down before his books, and 
 was soon so immersed in study, as not to hear my footsteps 
 as I entered. 
 
 I stood, uncertain, and did not dare to interrupt him for 
 some minutes ; the very intensity of his application awed 
 me. Indeed, I believe I should have retired without a word, 
 had he not accidentally looked up and beheld me. " Eh ! — 
 what ! — how is this ? " cried he, endeavouring to recall his 
 mind from the themes before him ; " I had forgotten you, 
 my poor boy, and you have had no breakfast."
 
 " HOW I ENTERED COLLEGE, AND HOW I LEFT IT." 29 
 
 " And you, sir ? " said I, in reality more interested for him 
 than myself. 
 
 " Take this, Con," said he, not heeding my remark, and 
 giving me a piece of silver from his purse ; " get yourself 
 something to eat : to-morrow, or next day, we shall arrange 
 these things better ; for at this moment my head has its load 
 of other cares." 
 
 " But will you not eat something ? " said I ; "you have not 
 tasted food since we met." 
 
 " We are expected to breakfast with our tutor on the 
 examination mornings, Con," said he ; and then, not seeming 
 to feel the inconsistency of his acts with his words, he again 
 bent his head over the table, and lost all remembrance of 
 either me or our conversation. I stole noiselessly away, and 
 sallied forth to seek my breakfast where I could. 
 
 There were few loiterers in the court ; a stray student 
 hurrying past, or an old slipshod hag of hideous aspect and 
 squalid misery, were all I beheld ; but both classes bestowed 
 most unequivocal signs of surprise at my country air and 
 appearance, and to my question, where I could buy some 
 bread and milk, answers the most cynical or evasive were 
 returned. While I was yet endeavouring to obtain from one 
 of the ancient maidens alluded to some information on the 
 point, two young men, with velvet caps and velvet capes on 
 their gowns, stopped to listen. 
 
 " I say, friend," cried one, seemingly the younger of the 
 two, " when did you enter?" 
 
 " This morning," said I, taking the question literally. 
 
 M Do you hear that, Ward?" continued he to his compa- 
 nion. M What place did you take? " 
 
 " I was on the roof," replied I, supposing the querae bore 
 allusion to the mode of my coming. 
 
 "Quite classical," said the elder, a, tall, good-looking 
 youth ; " you came as did Coesar into Gaul, * summa dili- 
 (jential on the top of the Diligence." 
 
 They both laughed heartily at a very threadbare college 
 joke, and were about to move away, when the younger, 
 turning round, said, " Have you matriculated ? " 
 
 " No, sir,— what's that ? " 
 
 " It's a little ceremony," interposed the elder, "necessaiy, 
 and indeed indispensable, to every one coming to reside 
 within these walls. You've heard of Napoleon, 1 dare say?" 
 
 " Bony, is it ?" asked I, giving the more familiar title by 
 which he was better known to my circle of acquaintance. 
 
 " Exactly," said he, " Bony. Now Bony used to call a
 
 30 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 first battle the baptism of Glory ; so may we style, in a like 
 way, Matriculation to be the baptism of Knowledge. You 
 understand me, eh ?" 
 
 " Not all out," said I, " but partly." 
 
 " We'll illustrate by a diagram, then." 
 
 " I say, Bob," whispered the younger, " let us find out 
 with whom he is;" then turning to me, said, "Where do 
 you live here ? " 
 
 " Yonder," said I, " where that lamp is." 
 
 " Mr. Lyndsay's chambers?" 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 " All right," cried the younger ; " we'll show you the 
 secret of matriculation." 
 
 " Come along, my young friend," said the elder, in the 
 same pompous tone he had used at first, " let us teach you to 
 drink ti that Pierian spring which ' Labitur et labetur in 
 omne voiubilies (svurn.'' " 
 
 I believe it was the fluent use of the unknown tongue 
 which at once allayed any mistrust I might have felt of my 
 new acquaintances ; however that may be, there was some- 
 thing so imposing in the high-sounding syllables that I 
 yielded at once, and followed them into another and more 
 remote quadrangle. 
 
 Here they stopped under a window, while one gave a loud 
 whistle with his fingers to his lips ; the sash was immediately 
 thrown up, and a handsome, merry-looking face protruded. 
 41 Eh! — what! — Taylor and Ward," cried he, " what's going 
 on?" 
 
 " Come down, Burton ; here's a youth for matriculation," 
 cried the younger. 
 
 " All right," cried the other. " There are eight of us 
 here at breakfast;" and disappearing from the window, he 
 speedily descended to the court, followed by a number of 
 others, who gravely saluted me with a deep bow,'and solemnly 
 welcomed me within the classic precincts of old Trinity. 
 
 " Domine — what's his name? " said the young gentleman 
 called Burton. 
 
 " Cregan, sir," replied I, already flattered by the atten- 
 tions I was receiving, " Con Cregan, sir." 
 
 " Well, Domine Cregan, come along with us, and never 
 put faith in a junior sophister. You know what a junior 
 sophister is, I trust ? " 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 "Tell him, Ward." 
 
 "A junior sophister, Mr. Cregan, is one who, being in
 
 " HOW I ENTERED COLLEGE, AND HOW I LEFT IT." 31 
 
 * Locke ' all day, is very often locked out all night, and who 
 observes the two rubrics of the statute ' de vigilantibus et 
 lucentibusj by extinguishing both lamps and watchmen." 
 
 "Confound your pedantry," broke in Burton : "a junior 
 soph, is a man in his ninth examination." 
 
 " The terror of the porters," cried one. 
 
 " The Dean's milch cow," added another. 
 
 "A credit to his parents, but a debtor to his tailor," broke 
 in a third. 
 
 " Seldom at Greek lecture, but no fellow-commoner at the 
 Currah," lisped out Taylor : and by this time we had reached 
 a narrow lane, flanked on one side by a tall building of 
 gloomy exterior, and on the other by an angle of the 
 square. 
 
 " Here we are, Mr. Cregan; as the poet says, *this is the 
 place, the centre of the wood.' " 
 
 " Gentlemen sponsors, to your functions ; " scarce were the 
 words out, when I was seized by above half a dozen pair of 
 strong hands : my legs were suddenly jerked upwards, and, 
 notwithstanding my attempts to resist, I was borne along 
 for some yards at a brisk pace. I was already about to for- 
 bear my struggles, and suffer them to play their — as I deemed 
 it — harmless joke in quiet, when straight in front of me I 
 saw an enormous pump, at which, and by a double handle, 
 Burton and another were working away like sailors on a 
 wreck ; throwing forth, above a yard off, a jet of water almost 
 enough to turn a mill. 
 
 The whole plot now revealed itself to me at once, and I 
 commenced a series of kickings and plungings that almost 
 left me free. My enemies, however, were too many and too 
 powerful ; on they bore me, and in a perfect storm of blows, 
 lunges, writhings, and boundings, they held me fast under 
 the stream, which played away in a frothy current over my 
 head, face, chest, and legs, — for, with a most laudable impar- 
 tiality, they moved me from side to side, till not a dry spot 
 remained on my whole body. 
 
 I shouted, I yelled, I swore, and screamed for aid, but all 
 in vain, and my diabolical tormentors seemed to feel no touch 
 of weariness in their inhuman pastime ; while I, exhausted by 
 my struggles and the continual rush of the falling water, 
 almost ceased to resist ; when suddenly a cry of " The Dean ! 
 the Dean ! " was heard : my bearers let go their hold, — down 
 1 tumbled upon the flags, with barely consciousness enough 
 to see the scampering crew flying in all directions, while a 
 host of porters followed them in hot pursuit.
 
 32 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN, 
 
 " Who are you, sir ? What brought you here ? " said a 
 tall old gentleman, I at once surmised to be the Dean. 
 
 " The devil himself, I believe ! " replied I, rising with 
 difficulty under the weight of my soaked garments. 
 
 " Turn him outside the gates, Hawkins ! " said the Dean 
 to a porter behind him. " Take care, too, he never re-enters 
 them." 
 
 " I'll take good care of it, sir," said the fellow, as with one 
 strong hand on my collar, and the closed fingers of the other 
 administering gentle admonitions to the back of my head, he 
 proceeded to march me before him through the square ; re- 
 volving as I went thoughts, which, certes, evinced not one 
 sentiment of gratitude to the learned university. 
 
 My college career was, therefore, more brief than brilliant; 
 for 1 was " expelled " on the very same day that I " entered." 
 
 With the '* world before me where to choose," I stepped 
 out into the classic precinct3 of College Green, fully assured 
 of one fact, that " Town" could scarcely treat me more harshly 
 than " Gown." I felt, too, that I had passed through a kind 
 of ordeal ; that my ducking, like the ceremonies on crossing 
 the line, was a kind of masonic ordinance, indispensable to 
 my opening career; and that thus I had got successfully 
 through one at least of my " trials." 
 
 A species of filial instinct suggested to me the propriety of 
 seeing Newgate, where my father lay, awaiting the arrival 
 of the convict ship that was to convey him to Van Diemen's 
 Land : and thither I accordingly repaired, not to enter, but 
 simply to gaze, with a very awestruck imagination, upon that 
 double-barred cage of human ferocity and crime. 
 
 In itself the circumstance has nothing worthy of record, nor 
 should I mention it, save that to the deep impression of that 
 morning do I owe a certain shrinking horror of all great 
 crime ; that impression has been of incalculable benefit to me 
 through life. 
 
 I strained my eyes to mark if, amid the faces closely pressed 
 against the strong bars, I could recognize that of my parent, 
 but in vain ; there was a terrible sameness in their features, 
 as if the individual had sunk in the criminal, that left all dis- 
 crimination difficult ; and so I turned away, satisfied that I 
 had done a son's part most completely.
 
 33 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 A PEEP AT ' ' HIGH AND LOW COMPANY. " 
 
 I HAVE often heard it observed, that one has as little to do 
 with the choice of his mode of life as with the name he re- 
 ceives at baptism. I rather incline to the opinion that this 
 is true. My own very varied, and somewhat dissimilar occu- 
 pations were certainly far less the result of any preconceived 
 plan or scheme than the mere " turn-up " of the rolling die 
 of Fortune. 
 
 It was while revolving a species of fatalism in this wise, 
 and calmly assuring myself that I waa not born to be starved, 
 that I strolled along Merrion Square on the same afternoon 
 of my expulsion from Trinity and visit to Newgate. 
 
 There were brilliant equipages, cavaliers, and ladies on 
 horseback ; handsome houses, with balconies often thronged 
 by attractive-looking occupants ; and vast crowds of gaily- 
 dressed persons promenaded within the square itself, where 
 a military band performed ; in fact, there was more than 
 enough to interest and amuse one of higher pretensions in 
 the scale of pleasure than myself. 
 
 While I was thus gazing on this brilliant panorama of the 
 outdoor life of a great city, and wondering and guessing what 
 precise object thus brought people together — for no feature 
 of a market, or a fair, or any festive occupation solved the 
 difficulty — I was struck by a class of characters who seemed 
 to play the subordinate parts of the drama — a set of ragged, 
 ill-fed, half-starved boys, who followed in crowds each new 
 arrival on horseback, and eagerly sought permission to hold 
 his horse when he dismounted ; the contrast of these mangy- 
 looking attendants to the glossy-coated and handsomely- 
 caparisoned steeds they led about being too remarkable to 
 escape notice. Although a very fierce rivalry prevailed 
 amongst them, they seemed a species of organized guild, who 
 constituted a distinct walk in life, and indignantly resented 
 the attempt of some two or three " vokmtaries " who showed 
 a wish to join the fraternity. 
 
 I sat against the rails of the square, studying with some 
 curiosity little details of their etiquette, and their strange 
 conventionalities. A regular corps of them stood in front of 
 
 D
 
 34 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 me, canvassing with all the eager volubility of their craft for 
 the possession of a handsome thorough-bred pony, from which 
 a young officer, in a cavalry undress, was about to dismount. 
 
 "I'm your own boy, captain! I'm Tim, sir ! " cried one, 
 with a leer of most familiar intimacy. 
 
 " Tis me towld ye about Miss O'Grady, sir," shouted 
 another, preferring another and stronger claim. 
 
 " I'm the boy caught your mare the day ye was thrown, 
 captain !" insinuated a third, exhibiting a want of tact in the 
 reminiscence that drew down many a scoff upon him from 
 his fellows ; for these ragged and starving curs had a most 
 lively sense of the use of flattery. 
 
 " Off with you !— stand off!" said the young dragoon, in a 
 threatening tone, "let that fellow take my mare;" and he 
 pointed to me, as I sat, a patient but unconcerned spectator 
 of the scene. Had a medical consultation been suddenly set 
 aside on the eve of a great surgical operation, and the " knife" 
 committed to the unpractised hand of a new bystander, the 
 breach of etiquette and the surprise could scarce have been 
 greater. The gang stared at me with most undisguised con- 
 tempt, and a perfect volley of abuse and irony followed me 
 as I hastened to obey the summons. 
 
 It has been very often my fortune in life to take a position 
 for which I neither had submitted to the usual probationary 
 study, nor possessed the necessary acquirement ; but I believe 
 this my first step in the very humble walk of a "horse-boy," 
 gave me more pain than ever did any subsequent one. The criti- 
 cisms on my dress, my walk, my country look, my very shoes 
 - — my critics wore none — were all poignant and bitter ; and I 
 verily believe, such is the force of ridicule, I should have pre- 
 ferred the rags and squalor of the initiated, at that moment, 
 to the warm grey frieze and blue worsted stockings of my 
 country costume. 
 
 I listened attentively to the young officer's directions how 
 I was to walk his mare, and where ; and then assuming a 
 degree of indifference to sarcasm I was far from feeling, moved 
 away from the spot in sombre dignity. The captain — the 
 title is generic — was absent about an hour; and when he 
 returned seemed so well jDleased with my strict obedience to 
 his orders, that he gave me a shilling, and desired me to be 
 punctually at the same hour and the same place on the day 
 following. 
 
 It was now dark ; the lamplighter had begun his rounds, 
 and I was just congratulating myself that I should escape my 
 persecutors, when I saw them approaching in a, body. In an
 
 A PEEP AT " HIGH AND LOW COMPANY." 35 
 
 instant I was surrounded, and assailed with a torrent of ques- 
 tions, as to who I was — where I came from — what brought 
 me there — and lastly, and with more eagerness than all be- 
 sides — what did " the captain " give me ? As I answered this 
 query first, the others were not pressed ; and it being voted 
 that I should expend the money on the fraternity, by way of 
 en trance- fee, or, as they termed it, " paying my footing," 
 away we set in a body to a distant part of the town, remote 
 from all its better and more spacious thoroughfares, and 
 among a chaos of lanes and alleys, called the " Liberties." If 
 the title were conferred for the excessive and unlimited 
 freedoms permitted to the inhabitants, it was no misnomer. 
 On my very entrance into it I perceived the perfect free and 
 easy which prevailed. 
 
 A dense tide of population thronged the close, confined 
 passages ; mostly of hodmen, bricklayers' labourers, and 
 scavengers, with old clothesmen, beggars, and others whose 
 rollicking air and daring look bespoke more hazardous modes 
 of life. 
 
 My companions wended their way through the dense 
 throng, like practised travellers, often cutting off an angle 
 by a dive through the two doors of a whisky shop, and 
 occasionally making a great short-cut, by penetrating through 
 a house and the court behind it — little exploits in geography 
 expiated by a volley of curses from the occupants, and some- 
 times an admonitory brickbat in addition. 
 
 The uniform good temper they exhibited ; the easy freedom 
 with which they submitted to the rather rough jocularities of 
 the passers-by — the usual salute being a smart slap on the 
 crown of the head, administered by the handicraft tool of the 
 individual, and this sometimes being an iron trowel, or a 
 slater's hammer — could not but exalt them in my esteem as 
 the most patient set of varlets I had ever sojourned with. 
 To my question as to why we were going so far, and whither 
 our journey tended, I got for answer the one short reply — 
 " We must go to ' ould Betty's.' " 
 
 Now as I would willingly spare as much of this period's 
 recital to my reader as I can, I will content myself with 
 stating that " ould Betty," or Betty Cobbe, was an old lady 
 who kept a species of ordinary for the unclaimed youth of 
 Dublin. They were fed and educated at her seminary — the 
 washing cost little, and they were certainly " done " for at 
 the very smallest cost, and in the most remarkably brief space 
 of time. If ever these faint memorials of a life should be 
 read in a certain far-off land, more than one settler in the 
 
 D 2
 
 36 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 distant bush, more than one angler in the dull stream of 
 Swan River will confess how many of his first sharp notions 
 of life and maimers were imbibed from the training nurture 
 of Mrs. Elizabeth Cobbe. 
 
 -Betty's proceedings, for some years before I had the 
 honour and felicity of her acquaintance, had attracted to- 
 wards her the attention of the authorities. 
 
 The Colonial Secretary had possibly grown jealous ; for 
 she had been pushing emigration to Norfolk Island on a far 
 wider scale than ever a Cabinet dreamed of; and thus had 
 she acquired what, in the polite language of our neighbours, 
 is phrased the "Surveillance of the Police"— a watchful 
 superintendence and anxious protectorate, for which, I grieve 
 to say, she evinced the very reverse of gratitude.^ Betty 
 had, in consequence, and in requirement with the spirit of the 
 times — the most capricious spirit that ever vexed plain old- 
 fashioned mortals— reformed her establishment; and from 
 having opened her doors, as before, to what, in the language 
 of East Indian advertisements, are called "a few spirited 
 young men," she had fallen down to that small fry who, in 
 various disguises of vagrancy and vagabondage, invest the 
 highways of a capital. 
 
 By these disciples she was revered and venerated— their 
 devotion was the compensation for the world's neglect, and 
 so she felt it. To train them up with a due regard to the 
 faults and follies of their better-endowed neighbours was 
 her aim and object, and to such teaching her knowledge of 
 Dublin life and people largely contributed. 
 
 Her original walk had been minstrelsy ; she was the famous 
 ballad-singer of Drogheda Street, in the year of the rebellion 
 of '98. She had been half a dozen times imprisoned — some 
 said that she had even visited "Beresford's riding-school," 
 where the knout was in daily practice, but this is not so clear 
 —certain it is, both her songs and sympathy had always been 
 on the patriotic side. She was the terror of Protestant 
 iscendency for many a year long. 
 
 Like Homer, she sung her own verses ; or, if they were 
 made for her, the secret of the authorship was never divulged. 
 For several years previous to the time I now speak of, she 
 had abandoned the Muses— save on some special and striking 
 occasions, when she would come before the world with some 
 lyric, which, however, did little more than bear the name of 
 its once famed composer. 
 
 So much for -the past. Now to the present history of 
 Betty Cobbe.
 
 A PEEP AT " HIGH AND LOW COMPANY." 37 
 
 Tn a large unceilinged room, with a great fire blazing on 
 the hearth, over which a huge pot of potatoes was boiling, 
 sat Betty in a straw chair. She was evidently very old, as 
 her snow-white hair and lustreless eye bespoke ; but the fire 
 of a truculent, unyielding spirit still warmed her blood, and 
 the sharp ringing voice told that she was decided to wrestle 
 for existence to the last, and would never " give in " until 
 fairly conquered. 
 
 Betty's chair was the only one in the chamber : the rest of 
 the company disposed themselves classically in the recum- 
 bent posture, or sat, like primitive Christians, crosslegged. A 
 long deal table, sparingly provided with wooden plates and a 
 few spoons, occupied the middle of the room, and round the 
 walls were several small bundles of straw, which I soon 
 learned were the property of private individuals. 
 
 " Come along, till I show ye to ould Betty," said one of 
 the varlets to me, as he pushed his way through the crowded 
 room ; for already several other gangs had arrived, and were 
 exchanging recognitions. 
 
 " She's in a sweet temper, this evening," whispered another, 
 as we passed. " The Polis was here a while ago, and took 
 up 'Danny White,' and threatened to break up the whole 
 establishment." 
 
 " The devil a thing at all they'll lave us of our institushuns," 
 said a bow-legged little blackguard, with the Evening 
 Freeman written round his hat, for he was an attache of 
 that journal. 
 
 " Ould Betty was crying all the evening," said the former 
 speaker ; by this time we had gained the side of the fireplace, 
 where the old lady sat. 
 
 " Mother ! mother, I say ! " cried my guide, touching her 
 elbow, gently ; then stooping to her ear he added, " Mother 
 Betty ! " 
 
 "Eh! Who's callin' me?" said the hag, with her hand 
 aloft. " I'm here, my Lord, neither ashamed nor afeard to 
 say my name." 
 
 "She's wanderin'," cried another; "she thinks she's in 
 Coort." 
 
 " Betty Cobbe ! I say. It's me 1" said my introducer, once 
 more. 
 
 The old woman turned fiercely round, and her dimmed and 
 glassy eyes, bloodshot from excess and passion, seemed to 
 flare up into an angry gleam, as she said, " You dirty thief! 
 is it you that's turnin' informer agin me ; you that I took 
 up out of yer mother's arms, in Green Street, when she
 
 38 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 fainted at the cutting down of yer father ? Your father," 
 added she, " that murdered old Meredith ! " 
 
 The boy, a hardened and bold- featured fellow, became 
 lividly pale, but never spoke. 
 
 " Yes, my Lord," continued she, still following the theme 
 of her own wild fancies; "it's James Butterley's boy! 
 Bntterley that was hanged!" and she shook and rocked 
 with a fiendish exultation at the exposure. 
 
 " Many of us doesn't know what bekem of our fathers !" 
 said a sly-looking, old-fashioned creature, whose height 
 scarcely exceeded two feet, although evidently near manhood 
 in point of age. 
 
 "Who was yours, Mickey ?" cried another. 
 
 "Father Glynn, of Luke Street," growled out the imp, 
 with a leer. 
 
 " And yours ?" said another, dragging me forward, directly 
 in front of Betty. 
 
 " Con Cregan, of Kilbeggau," said I, boldly. 
 
 " Success to ye, ma bouchal !" said the old hag; " and so 
 you're a son of Con, the informer." She looked sternly at 
 me for a few seconds, and then in a slower and more deli- 
 berate tone added, "I'm forty years, last Lady Day, living 
 this way, and keepin' company with all sorts of thieves, and 
 rogues, and blaguards, and worse — ay, far worse besides ; but 
 may I never see Glory if an informer, or his brat, was under 
 the roof afore ! " 
 
 The steadfast decision of look and voice as she spoke 
 seemed to impress the bystanders, who fell back and gazed 
 at me with that kind of shrinking terror which honest people 
 sometimes exhibit at the contact of a criminal. 
 
 During the pause of some seconds, while this endured, my 
 sense of abject debasement was at the very lowest. To be the 
 Pariah of such a society was indeed a most distinctive infamy. 
 
 " Are ye ashamed of yer father ? tell me that ! " cried the 
 hag, shaking me roughly by one shoulder. 
 
 " It is not here, and before the like of these," said I, looking 
 round at the ragged, unwashed assemblage, " that I should, 
 feel shame ! or if I did, it is to find myself among them ! " 
 
 " That's my boy ! that's my own spirited boy ! " cried the 
 old woman, dragging me towards her. " Faix, I seen the 
 time we'd have made somethin' out of you. Howld yer 
 tongues, ye vagabonds ; the child's right, — yer a dirty mean 
 crew! Them!" said she, pointing to me; "them was the 
 kind of chaps I used to have, long ago ; that wasn't afeard 
 of all the Beresfords, and Major !Sirr, and the rest of them.
 
 A PEEP AT " HIGH AND LOW COMPANY." 39 
 
 Singing every night on Carlisle Bridge, ' The wearin' of the 
 Green,' or ' Tra-lal-la, the French is coming ; ' and when 
 they wor big and grown men, ready and willing to turn out 
 for ould Ireland. Can you read, avick ? " 
 
 "Yes, and write," answered I, proudly. 
 
 "To be sure ye can," muttered she, half to herself; "is it 
 an informer's child — not know the first rules of his trade ! " 
 
 "Tear and ages, mother!" cried out the decrepit imp 
 called Mickey ; " we're starvin' for the meat ! " 
 
 " Sarve it up ! " shouted the hag with a voice of command ; 
 and she gave three knocks with her crutch on the corner of 
 the table. 
 
 Never was command more promptly obeyed. A savoury 
 mess of that smoking compound, called " Irish stew," was 
 ladled out on the trenchers, and speedily disposed around 
 the table, which at once was surrounded by the guests — a 
 place being made for myself by an admonitory stroke of 
 Betty's crutch on the red head of a very hungry juvenile, 
 who had jostled me in his anxiety to get near the table. 
 
 Our meal had scarcely drawn to its close, when the plates 
 were removed, and preparations made for a new party : nor 
 had I time to ask the reason, when a noisy buzz of voices 
 without announced the coming of a numerous throng. In an 
 instant they entered; a number of girls, of every age, from 
 mere child to womanhood, — a ragged, tattered, reckless-look- 
 ing set of creatures, whose wild high spirits not even direst 
 poverty could subdue. While some exchanged greetings 
 with their friends of the other sex, others advanced to talk 
 to Betty, or stood to warm themselves around the fire, until 
 their supper, a similar one to our own, was got ready. My 
 curiosity as to whence they came in such a body was satisfied 
 by learning that they were employed at the " Mendicity Insti- 
 tution " during the day, and set free at nightfall to follow the 
 bent of their own, not over well-regulated, tastes. These 
 creatures were the ballad-singers of the city ; and sometimes 
 alone, sometimes in company with one of the boys, they were 
 wont to take their stand in some public thoroughfare ; not 
 only the character of the singer, but the poetry itself taking 
 the tone of the street ; so that while some daring bit of town 
 scandal caught the ears of College Green, a " bloody murder," 
 or a " dying speech," formed the attraction of Thomas Street 
 and the " Poddle." 
 
 Many years afterwards, in the chequered page of my exist- 
 once, when I have sat at lordly tables and listened to the 
 sharpened wit and polished raillery of the high-born and the
 
 40 TIIE CONFESSIONS OF CON CItEGAN. 
 
 gifted, my mind has often reverted to that beggar-horde, and 
 thought how readily the cutting jest was answered, how soon 
 repartee followed attack, — what quaint fancies, what droll 
 conceits passed through those brains, where one would have 
 deemed there was no room for aught save brooding guilt and 
 sad repining ! 
 
 As night closed id, the assembly broke up ; some issued 
 forth to their stations as ballad- singers ; some in pure vaga- 
 bond spirit to stroll about the streets ; while others, of whom 
 I was one, lay down upon the straw to sleep, without a dream, 
 till daylight. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 VIEWS OF LIFE. 
 
 When I woke the next morning, it was a few minutes before 
 I could thoroughly remember where I was, and how I cam© 
 there ; my next thought was the grateful one, that if the 
 calling was not a very exalted one, I had at least secured 
 a mode of living, and that my natural acuteness, and, better 
 still, my fixed resolve within me " to get forward in the 
 world," would not permit me to pass my days in the ignoble 
 craft of a " horse-boy." 
 
 I found that the " walk," like every other career, had cer- 
 tain guiding rules and principles by which it was regulated. 
 Not only were certain parts of the town interdicted to certain 
 gangs, but it was a recognized rule that when a particular 
 boy was singled out, habitually, by auy gentleman, that no 
 other should endeavour to supplant him. This was the less 
 difficult, as a perfect community of property was the rule of 
 the order ; and all moneys were each night committed to the *» 
 charge of " old Betty," with a scrupulous fidelity that would 
 have shamed many a "joint-stock company." 
 
 The regular etiquette required that each youth should 
 begin his career in the north side of the city, where the class 
 of horsemen was of a less distinguished order, and the fees 
 proportionably lower. Thence he was promoted to the Four 
 Courts ; from which, as the highest stage, he arrived at
 
 "VIEWS or LIFE." 41 
 
 Merrion Square and its neighbourhood. Here the visitors 
 were either the young officers of the garrison, the Castle 
 officials, or a wealthy class of country gentlemen, all of whom 
 gave sixpences ; while, in the cold quarter of northern 
 Dublin, penny pieces were the only currency. If the publie 
 differed in these three places, so did the claims of the 
 aspirant : a grave, quiet, almost sombre look, being the grand 
 qualification in the one ; while an air of daring effrontery 
 was the best recommendation in the other. For while the 
 master in chancery or the " six clerk " would only commit 
 his bob-tailed pony to a discreet-faced varlet of grave exterior, 
 the dashing aide-de-camp on his thoroughbred singled out 
 the wild imp with roguish eye and flowing hair, that kept up 
 with him from the barrack in a sharp canter, and actually 
 dived under a carriage-pole, and upset an apple-stall, to be 
 " up " in time to wait on him ; and while yet breathless and 
 blown, was ready with voluble tongue to give him the current 
 news of the neighbourhood — who was in the Square, or out 
 dining ; who had arrived, or why they were absent. To do 
 this task with dexterity and tact was the crowning feature of 
 the craft, and in such hasty journalism some attained a high 
 proficiency ; seasoning their scandal with sly bits of drollery, 
 or quaint allusions to the current topics of the day. To 
 succeed in this, it was necessary to know the leading charac- 
 ters of the town, and the circumstances of their private 
 history ; and these I set myself to learn with the assiduity of 
 a study. Never did a Bath Master of the Ceremonies devote 
 himself more ardently to the investigation of the faults and 
 foibles of his company — never did young lady, before coming 
 out, more patiently pore over Debrett, than did I pursue my 
 researches into Dublin life and manners ; until at last, what 
 between oral evidence and shrewd observation, I had a key 
 to the secret mysteries of nearly every well-known house in 
 the city. 
 
 None like me to explain why the father of the dashing family 
 in Stephen's Green only appeared of a Sunday; how the 
 blinds of No. 18 were always drawn down at three o'clock; 
 and what meant the hackney coach at the canal bridge every 
 Thursday afternoon. From the gentleman that always wore 
 a geranium leaf in his coat, to the lady who dropped he* 
 glove in the Square, I knew them all. Nor was it merely 
 that I possessed the knowledge, but I made it to be felt. I 
 did not hoard my wealth like a miser, but I came forth like 
 a great capitalist to stimulate enterprise and encourage credit. 
 Had I been a malicious spirit, there is no saying what amount
 
 42 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 of mischief I might have worked — what discoveries antici- 
 pated — what awkward meetings effected. I was, however, 
 what the French call a "bondiable," and most generously 
 took the side of the poor sinner against the strong spirit of 
 right. How man}^ a poor subaltern had been put in arrest 
 for wearing "mufti," had I not been there to apprise him 
 the town-major White was coming. How often have I saved 
 a poor college-man from a heavy fine, who, with his name on 
 the sick-list, was flirting in the " Square." How have I 
 hastened, at the risk of my neck, between crashing carriages 
 and prancing horses, to announce to a fair lady lounging in 
 her britzska, that the " Counsellor," her husband, was unex- 
 pectedly returning from court an hour earlier than his wont. 
 I have rescued sons from fathers, daughters from mothers ; 
 the pupil from his guardian, the debtor from his creditor ; 
 in a word, was a kind of ragged guardian angel, who watched 
 over the peccadilloes of the capital. " My amour propre," — 
 if such an expression of such a quality may be conceded to 
 one like me, — was interested in the cause of all who did 
 wrong. I was the Quixote of all deceivers. 
 
 With " Con on the look-out," none feared surprise ; and 
 while my shrewdness was known to be first-rate, my honesty 
 was alike unimpeachable. It may readily be believed how, 
 with acquirements and talents like these, I no longer pursued 
 the humble walk of " horse-holder ; " indeed, I rarely touched 
 a bridle, or if I did so, it was only to account for my presence 
 in such localities as I might need an excuse to loiter in. I 
 was at the head of my profession ; and the ordinary salutation 
 of the cavaliers, " Con, get me a fellow to hold this mare," 
 showed that none presumed to expect the ignoble service at 
 my own hands. 
 
 To some two or three of my early patrons, men who had 
 noticed me in my obscurity, I would still condescend to yield 
 this attention ; a degree of grateful acknowledgment on my 
 part which they always rewarded most handsomely. Among 
 these was the young officer whose pony I had held on the 
 first night of my arrival. He was an Honourable Captain 
 De Courcy, very well-looking, well-mannered, and very poor, 
 — member of the Commander-in-Chief's Staff, who eked out 
 his life by the aid of his noble birth and his wits together. 
 
 At the time I speak of, his visits to Merrion Square were 
 devoted to the cause of a certain Mrs. Mansergh, the young 
 and beautiful wife of an old, red-faced, foul-mouthed Queen's 
 Counsel, at least forty years her senior. The scandal was, 
 that her origin had been of the very humblest, and that, seen
 
 " VIEWS OP LIFE." 43 
 
 by accident on circuit, she had caught the fancy of the old 
 lawyer, a well-known connoisseur in female beauty. However 
 that might be, she was now about two years married, and 
 already recognized as the reigning beauty of the vice-regal 
 court and the capital. 
 
 The circumstances of her history — her low origin — her 
 beauty, and" the bold game she played — all invested her with 
 a great interest in my eyes. I used to flatter myself that 
 there was a kind of similarity in at least our early fortunes ; 
 and I enlisted myself in her cause with an ardour that I 
 could not explain to myself. How often, as she passed in 
 her splendid barouche, — the best- appointed and handsomest 
 equipage of the capital, — have I watched her, as, wrapped in 
 her Cachmere, she reclined in all the voluptuous indolence 
 of her queenly state ; glorying to think that she — she, whose 
 proud glance scarce noticed the obsequious throng that bowed 
 with uncovered heads around her — -that she was, perhaps, 
 not better nurtured than myself. Far from envious jealousy 
 at her better fortune, I exulted in it ; she was a kind of 
 beacon set on a hill to guide and cheer me. I remember 
 well, it was an actual triumph to me one day, as the Viceroy, 
 a gay and dashing nobleman, not over-scrupulous where the 
 claim of beauty was present, stopped, with all his glittering 
 staff, beside her carriage, and in playful raillery began to 
 chide her for being absent from the last drawing-room. " We 
 missed you sadly, Mrs. Mansergh," said he, smiling his most 
 seductive smile. " Pray tell my friend, Mansergh, that he 
 shows himself a most lukewarm supporter of the Government, 
 who denies us the fairest smiles of the capital." 
 
 " In truth, my lord, he would not give me a new train, 
 and I refused to wear the old one," said she, laughing.^ 
 
 " Downright disloyalty, upon my honour," said the Viceroy, 
 with well got-up gravity. 
 
 " Don't you think so, my lord ? " rejoined she ; " so I even 
 told him that I'd represent the case to your Excellency, who, 
 I'm sure, would not refuse a velvet robe to the wife, while 
 you gave a silk gown to the husband." 
 
 " It will be the very proudest of my poor prerogatives," 
 said he, bowing, while a flash of crimson lit up his pleased 
 features. " Your favourite colour is " 
 
 " I should like to wear your lordship's," said she, with a 
 look the most finished coquette might envy, so admirably 
 blended were trust and timid bashfulness. 
 
 What he replied I could not catch. There was a flattering 
 courtesy, however, in his smile, and in the familiar motion of
 
 44 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 the hand with which he bade " good-bye," that were enough 
 to show me that he, the haughty mirror of his sovereign, did 
 not think it beneath him to bandy compliments and exchange 
 soft looks with the once humble beauty. From that time out, 
 my whole thoughts day and night were centred in her ; and 
 I have passed hours long, fancying all the possible fortunes 
 for which destiny might intend her. It seemed to me as 
 though she was piloting out the course for me in life, and 
 that her success was the earnest of my own. Often when a 
 ball or a great reception was given by her, have I sat, cold, 
 shivering, and hungry, opposite the house, watching with 
 thrilling interest all the equipages as they came, and hearing 
 the high and titled names called aloud by the servants, and 
 thinking to myself, " Such are her associates now. These 
 great and haughty personages are here to do honour to her, 
 their lovely hostess; and she, but a few years back, if report 
 spoke truly, was scarcely better off than I was — I — 
 myself." 
 
 Only they who have a sanguine, hopeful temperament will 
 be able to understand how the poor, houseless, friendless boy 
 — the very outcast of the world — the convict's child — could 
 ever dare to indulge in such day-dreams of future greatness. 
 But I had set the goal before my eyes — the intermediate steps 
 to it I left to fortune. The noble bearing and polished graces 
 of the high and wealthy, which to my humble associates 
 seemed the actual birthright of the great, I perceived could 
 all be acquired. There was no prescriptive claim in any class 
 to the manners of high breeding; and why should not I, if 
 fortune favoured, be as good a gentleman as the best ? In 
 other particulars, all that I had observed showed me no 
 wondrous dissimilarity of true feeling in the two classes. 
 The gentleman, to be sure, did not swear, like the common 
 fellow ; but on the racecourse or the betting-ground I had 
 seen, to the full, as much deceit as ever I witnessed in my 
 " own order." There was faithlessness beneath Valenciennes 
 lace and velvet as well as beneath brown stuff and check ; 
 and a spirit of backbiting, that we ragged folk knew nothing 
 of, seemed a current pastime in better circles. 
 
 What, then, should debar me from that class ? Not the 
 manners, which I could feign, nor the vices, which I could 
 feel. To be like them, was only to be of them — such, at 
 least, was then my conviction and my theory. 
 
 Any one who will take the pains to reflect on and analyze 
 the mode of thinking I have here mentioned, will see how 
 necessarily it tends rather to depress those above, than to
 
 45 
 
 elevate those beneath. I did not purpose to myself any 
 education in high and noble sentiments, but simply the per- 
 formance of a part which I deemed easy to assume. The 
 result soon began to tell. I felt a degree of contemptuous 
 hatred for the very persons I had once revered as almost 
 demigods. I no longer looked up to the "gentleman" as 
 such by right divine, but by accident; and I fostered tlu» 
 feeling by the writings of every radical newspaper I could 
 come at. All the levelling doctrines of socialism — all the 
 plausibilities of equality — became as great truths to me ; and. 
 I found a most ready aptitude in my mind to square the 
 fruits of my personal observation to these pleasant theories. 
 The one question recurred every morning as I arose, and re- 
 mained unanswered each night as' I lay down, " Why should 
 I hold a horse, and why should another man ride one ? " I 
 suppose- the difficulty has puzzled wiser heads ; indeed, since 
 I mooted it to myself, it has caused some trouble in the 
 world ; nor, writing now as I do in the year of grace '48, do 
 I suppose the question is yet answered. 
 
 Ij have dwelt perhaps too long on this exposition of my 
 feelings ; but as my subsequent life was one of far more 
 action than reflection, the indulgent reader will pardon the 
 prosiness, not simply as explaining the history which follows, 
 but also as affording a small breathing-space in a career where 
 there were few " halts." 
 
 I have said that I began to conceive a great grudge against 
 all who were well off in life, and against none did I indulge 
 this aversion more strongly than " the Captain," my first 
 patron — almost my only one. Though he had always 
 emplo} r ed me — and none ever approached him save myself — ■ 
 he had never condescended to the slightest act of recognition 
 beyond the tap on my head with his gold-mounted whip, and 
 a significant nod where to lead his pony. No sign of his, no 
 look, no gesture, ever confessed to the fact that I was a 
 creature of his own species, that I had had a share in the 
 great firm which, under the name of Adam and Co., has traded 
 so long and industriously. 
 
 If I were sick, or cold, or hungry, it mattered not — my 
 cheek might be sunk with want or care — my rags might drip 
 with rain, or freeze with sleet — he never noticed them ; yet, 
 if the wind played too roughly with his Arab's mane, or the 
 silky tasselled tail, he saw it at once. If her coat stirred 
 with the chill breeze, he would pat and pet her. It was 
 evident enough which had the better existence. 
 
 If these thoughts chafed and angered me at first, at least
 
 46 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 they served to animate and rouse my spirit. He who wants 
 to rise in life must feel the sharp spur of a wrong — there is 
 nothing like it to give vigour and energy to his motions. 
 When I came to this conclusion, I did not wait long to put 
 the feeling into action ; and it was thus — but a new chapter 
 of my life deserves a new chapter of my history. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 
 
 As regular as the day itself did I wait at the corner of 
 Merrion Square, at three o'clock, the arrival of Captain De 
 Courcy, who came punctual to the instant ; indeed, the 
 clatter of the pony's hoofs, as he cantered along, always 
 announced the striking of the Post-office clock. To dis- 
 mount, and fling me the bridle, with a short nod of the head, 
 in the direction he wished me to walk the animal, was the 
 extent of recognition ever vouchsafed me ; and as I never 
 ventured upon even a word with him, our intercourse was of 
 the simplest possible kind. There was an impassive quietude 
 about his pale cold features that awed me. I never saw him 
 smile but once; it was when the mare seized me by the 
 shoulder, and tore with her teeth a great piece of my ragged 
 coat away. Then, indeed, he did vouchsafe to give a faint, 
 listless smile, as he said to his pampered nag, " Pie, fie I 
 What a dirty feeder you are ! " 
 
 Very little notice on his part — the merest act of recog- 
 nition, a look, a monosyllable, would have been enough to 
 satisfy me — anything, in short, which might acknowledge 
 that we were part of the same great chain, no matter how 
 many links might lie between us. 
 
 I do not wish it to be inferred that I had any distinct 
 right to such an acknowledgment, nor that any real advan- 
 tage would have accrued to me from obtaining it — far from 
 that; very little consideration might have induced me to be 
 contented with my station; and, if so, instead of writing
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 47 
 
 these notes in a boudoir with silk hangings, and — but 
 this is anticipating with a vengeance ! And now to go 
 back. 
 
 After three hours of a cold wait, on a rainy and dreary- 
 afternoon, the only solace to my hunger being the imagina- 
 tive one of reflecting on the pleasure of those happy mortals 
 who were sitting down to dinner in the various houses along 
 the Square, and fancying to myself the blessed state of tran- 
 quillity it must impart to a man's nature to see a meal of 
 appetizing excellence, from which no call of business, no 
 demand of any kind could withdraw him. And what specu- 
 lations did I indulge in as to the genial pleasantry that must 
 abound : the happy wit, the joyous ease of such gatherings 
 when three or four carriages at a door would bespeak the 
 company at such a dinner party. 
 
 At last, out came my captain, with a haste and flurry of man- 
 ner quite unusual. He did not, as was his constant custom, 
 pass his hand along the mare's neck, to feel her coat; nor 
 did he mutter a single word of coaxing to her as he mounted. 
 He flung himself with a jerk into the saddle, and, rapping 
 my knuckles sharply with the gold knob of his whip, pet- 
 tishly cried, "Let her go, sirrah!" and cantered away. 
 I stood for some moments motionless, my mind in that 
 strange state when the first thought of rebellion has en- 
 tered, and the idea of reprisal has occurred. I was about 
 to go away, when the drawing-room window, straight above 
 me, was opened, and a lady stepped out upon the bal- 
 cony. It was too dark to discern either her features or her 
 dress ; but a certain instinct told me it was Mrs. Mansergh. 
 " Are you Captain De Courcy's boy? " said she, in a sweet 
 and subdued voice. I replied in the affirmative, and she 
 went on, "You know his quarters at the Royal Hospital ? 
 Well, go there at once, as speedily as you can, and give him 
 this note." She hesitated for a second, as if uncertain what 
 to say, and then added, " It is a note he dropped from his 
 pocket by accident." 
 
 " I'll do it, ma'am," said I, catching the letter and the 
 half-crown, which she had half inserted in the envelope to 
 give it weight. u You may trust me perfectly." Before the 
 words were well uttered, she had retired ; the window was 
 closed ; the curtain drawn, and, except the letter and the 
 coin in my fingers, nothing remained to show that the whole 
 had not been a trick of my foolish brain. 
 
 My immediate impulse was to fulfil my mission. I even 
 started off at full speed to do so ; but as I turned the corner
 
 48 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 of the Square, the glare of a bright gas-lamp suggested the 
 temptation of, at least, a look at my despatches ; and what 
 was my astonishment to find that on this note, which had 
 been dropped by " accident" from the captain's pocket, the 
 superscription wa3 scarcely dry — in the very act of catching 
 I had blotted the words ! This, of course, was no affair of 
 mine ; but it evinced deception — and deception at certain 
 moments becomes a dangerous injuiy. There are timei 
 when the mind feels deceit to be an outrage. The stormy 
 passions of the fury-driven mob — reckless and headstrong — 
 show this ; and the most -terrible moment in all political con- 
 vulsions is, when the people feel, or even suspect, that they 
 have been tricked. My frame of mind was exactly in that 
 critical stage. A minute before, I was ready to yield any 
 obedience — tender any service ; and now, of a sudden — with- 
 out the slightest real cause, or from anything which could 
 in the remotest way affect me — I had become a rebel. Let 
 the reader forgive the somewhat tedious analysis of a motive, 
 since it comes from one who has long studied the science of 
 moral chemistry, and made most of his experiments — as the 
 rule directs — in " ignoble bodies." 
 
 My whole resolve was changed. I would not deliver the 
 note. Not that I had any precise idea wherefore, or that I 
 had the least conception what other course I should adopt. 
 I was a true disciple of revolt — I rebelled for very rebel- 
 lion sake. 
 
 Betty Cobbe's was more than usually brilliant on that even- 
 ing. A race, which was to come off at Kingstown the next 
 day, had attracted a numerous company — in the various 
 walks of horse-boys, bill-carriers, and pickpockets — all of 
 whom hoped to find a ready harvest on the morrow. The 
 conversation was, therefore, entirely of a sporting character. 
 Anecdotes of the turf and the ring went round, and m the 
 many curious devices of roguery and fraud might be read 
 the prevailing taste of that select company. Combinations 
 were also formed to raise the rate of payment, and many 
 ingenious suggestions thrown out about turning cattle 
 loose, slacking girths, stealing curb chains, and so on, 
 from that antagonistic part of the public who preferred 
 holding their horses themselves than entrusting them to 
 the profession. 
 
 The race itself, too, engrossed a great share of interest ; 
 and a certain Fergusson was talked of with all the devoted- 
 ness and affection of a dear friend. Nor, as I afterwards 
 learned, was the admiration a merely blind one, as he was a
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 49 
 
 most cunning adept in all the wily stratagems by which such 
 men correct the wilful ways of Fortune. 
 
 How my companions chuckled over stories of "rotten 
 ditches," that were left purposely to betray the unwary: 
 swinging gates, that would open at the least touch, and in- 
 evitably catch the horse that attempted to clear — if the hoof 
 but grazed them ; bog holes, to swamp ; and stone fences, to 
 smash — had their share of approval ; but a drain dug eight 
 feet deep, and that must certainly break the back of the horse, 
 if not of the rider also, who made a " mistake " over it, seemed 
 the triumph, which carried away the suffrages of the whole 
 assembly. 
 
 Now, although I had seen far more of real sport and horse- 
 manship than the others, these narratives were, for the most 
 part, new to me ; and I listened with a high interest to every 
 scheme and trick by which cunning can overreach and out- 
 manoeuvre simplicity. The admiration of adroit knavery is 
 the first step on the road to fraud, and he who laughs heartily 
 at a clever trick, seldom suspects how he is " booking himself " 
 for the same road. For my own part, neither were my prin- 
 ciples so fixed, nor my education so careful, that I did not 
 conceive a very high respect for the rogue, and a very con- 
 temptuous disdain for his victim. 
 
 Morning came, and a bright sunny one it was ; with a keen 
 frost, and that kind of sharp air that invigorates and braces 
 both mind and body. The crisp clear outline of every tree 
 and building seen against the deep blue sky ; the sparkling 
 river, with its clean bed of bright gravel ; and the ruddy faces 
 one meets, are all of a nature to suggest pleasant and cheer- 
 ful thoughts. Even we — we, with our frail fragments and 
 chapped hands — felt it, and there was an alacrity of movement, 
 and a bounding step ; a gay laugh, and a merry voice every- 
 where. All set out for Kingstown, in the neighbourhood of 
 which the race was to come off. I alone remained behind, 
 resisting every entreaty of my companions to join them, — 1 
 cannot yet say why I did so. It was partly that long habit 
 had made my attendance upon " the Captain " a duty ; 
 partly, perhaps, that some vague notion that the letter, of 
 which I still kept possession, should be delivered by me at 
 last. 
 
 The town was quite empty on that day : not a carriage, nor 
 a horseman to be seen. There were very few on foot, and 
 the square was deserted of all save its nursery population. I 
 never felt a more tedious morning. I had full time, as I 
 loitered along all alone, to contrast my solitude with the 
 
 E
 
 50 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 enjoyment my companions 'were at that same moment pur- 
 suing. 
 
 True to the instant, Captain de Courcy cantered up, his 
 face a thought graver, and more stern than I had ever seen it 
 before. As he dismounted, my hand, in holding his stirrup, 
 soiled the brilliant polish of his lacquered boot ; he perceived 
 it, and rewarded my awkwardness with a smart cut of his 
 whip. A minute before, I had made up my mind to give him 
 the note : now, torture itself would not have torn it from me. 
 
 I followed him with my eyes till he entered the house — not 
 over distinctly, it is true, for they were somewhat blinded by 
 tears, that would, in spite of me, come forth. The sensation 
 was a most painful one ; and I am heartily glad to confess 
 I have seldom experienced a recurrence of it. Scarcely was 
 the hall-door closed on him, when I remembered that he would 
 soon hear of the note, which I had failed to deliver, and that, 
 in all likelihood, a heavy punishment awaited me. My offence 
 was a grave one : what was to be done ? turn the mare loose 
 and fly, or patiently await my fate ? Either were bad enough ; 
 the latter certainly the less advisable of the two. A third 
 course soon suggested itself, doubtless inspired by that most 
 mischief-working adage, which says, that one may be " as 
 well hanged for the sheep as the lamb." 
 
 I therefore voted for the " larger animal," and to satisfy 
 myself that I was honest to my own convictions, I immediately 
 proceeded to act upon them. I led the mare quietly along to 
 the angle of the Square, and then turning into the next street, 
 I shortened the stirrups, mounted, and rode off. 
 
 " Set a beggar on horseback "says the proverb; and 
 
 although the consequence is only meant figuratively, I have 
 a suspicion that it might bear a literal reading. I rode away, 
 at first, at a trot, and then, striking into a brisk canter, I took 
 the road to Kingstown, whither, even yet, some horsemen 
 were hastening. 
 
 Every stride of the bounding animal elevated my spirits 
 and nerved my courage. The foot passengers, that plodded 
 wearily along, I looked down upon as inferior, — with the 
 horsemen on either side I felt a kind of equality. How dif- 
 ferently does one view life from the saddle and from the 
 ground ! The road became more thronged as I advanced, 
 thicker crowds pressed eagerly forward, and numerous car- 
 riages obstructed the way. At another moment, perhaps, I 
 should have attracted attention, but stranger sights were 
 passing at every instant, and none troubled their heads about 
 the "ragged urchin on the thorough-bred."
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 51 
 
 The crowd at last became so dense, that horsemen were 
 fain to desert the high road, and take short cuts wherever an 
 open gate, or an easily-crossed fence, opened the way. Fol- 
 lowing a group of well-mounted gentlemen, I cleared a low 
 wall into a spacious grass field, over which we cantered ; and 
 beyond this, by leaping an easy ditch, into another of the 
 same kind, till at length we saw the vast crowds that blackened 
 a hill in front, and, beneath them, could distinguish the flut- 
 tering flags that marked the course, and the large floating 
 standard of the winning-post. 
 
 What a grand sight was that! For what is so imposing a 
 spectacle as vast myriads of people stirred by one interest, 
 and animated by one absorbing passion ? Every one has 
 now-a-days seen something of the kind, therefore I shall not 
 linger to tell of the impression it made upon my youthful 
 senses. The first race had already come off'; but the second, 
 and the great event of the day, was yet to take place. 
 
 It was a steeple-chase by " gentlemen riders," over a very 
 severe line of country; several fences of most break-neck 
 character having been added to the natural difficulties of the 
 ground. 
 
 Mounted on my splendid barb, I rode boldly forward till I 
 reached the field through which the first ditch ran, — a deep 
 and wide trench, backed by a low rail, — a very formidable 
 leap, and requiring both stride and strength to clear it. 
 
 " Some of 'em will tail off, when they sees that ! " said an 
 English groom, with a knowing wink ; and the words were 
 only out when, at a " slapping canter," the riders were seen 
 coming down the gently sloping hill. Three rode nearly 
 abreast, then came a single horseman, and, after him, an in- 
 discriminate mass, whose bright and party-coloured jackets 
 glowed like a rainbow. 
 
 I watched them with a breathless interest : as they came 
 nearer they widened the space between them, and each cast 
 a rapid but stealthy glance at his neighbour. One — he rode 
 a powerful black horse — took the lead, and, dashing at the 
 leap, his horse rose too soon, and fell, chested against the 
 opposite bank, the rider under him ; the next swerved sud- 
 denly round and balked ; the third did the same ; so that 
 the leading horseman was now he who rode alone at first. 
 Quickening his speed as he came on, he seemed actually to 
 fly ; and when he did take the fence, it was like the bound of 
 a cannon shot — up, and over at once ! Of the res*, some two 
 or three followed well ; others, pulled short up ; while the 
 larger share, in various forms of accident and misfortune, 
 
 e 2
 
 52 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 might be seen either struggling in the brook, or endeavour- 
 ing to rescue their horses from the danger of broken legs 
 and backs. 
 
 I did not wait to watch them, my interest was in those who 
 gallantly led onward, and who now, some four in number, 
 rode almost abreast. Among these, my favourite was the sky 
 blue jacket, who had led the way over the dyke, and him did 
 I follow with straining eyes and palpitating heart. They 
 were at this moment advancing towards a wall, — a high and 
 strong one, and I thought, in the slackened pace, and more 
 gathered up stride, I could read the caution a difficult leap 
 enforced. 
 
 A brown jacket with white sleeves was the first to charge- 
 it ; and, after a tremendous scramble, in which the wall, the 
 horse, and the rider were all tumbling together, he got over; 
 but the animal went dead lame, and the rider, dismounting, 
 led him off the ground. 
 
 Next came blue jacket, and just at the very rise his mare 
 balked, and, at the top of her speed, ran away along the side 
 of the wall. A perfect roar of angry disappointment arose 
 from the multitude, for she was the favourite of the country 
 people, who were loudly indignant at this mischance. 
 
 " The race is sold !" cried one. 
 
 " Beatagh" — this was the rider — "pulled her round him- 
 self! the mare never was known to refuse a fence!" 
 
 "I say you're both wrong!" cried a third, whose excited 
 manner showed he was no indifferent spectator of the scene. 
 " She never will take her first wall fairly ; after that she goes 
 like a bird ! " 
 
 " What a confounded nuisance to think that no one will 
 lead her over the fence ! Is there not one here will show her 
 the way ? " said he, looking around. 
 
 " There's the only fellow I see whose neck can afford it ! " 
 said another, pointing to me. " He, evidently, was never 
 born to be killed in a steeple-chase." 
 
 " Devilish well mounted he is, too!" remarked some one 
 else. 
 
 " Hallo, my smart boy ! " said he who before alluded to the 
 mare as a bolter, " try your nag over that wall yonder, — go 
 boldly. Let her have her head, and give her a sharp cut as 
 she rises. Make way there, gentlemen ! Let the boy have 
 fair play, and I'll wager a five-pound note he does it ! You 
 shall have half the stakes, too, if you win ! " added he. These 
 were the last words I heard, for the crowd clearing in front, 
 opened for me to advance, and without a moment's hesitation
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 53 
 
 of any kind, I clashed my heels to the mare's flanks, and 
 galloped forward. A loud shout, and a perfect shower of 
 whips on the mare's quarter from the bystanders, put all 
 question of pulling up beyond the reach of possibility. In 
 a minute more I was at the wall, and, ere I well knew, over 
 it. A few seconds after the blue jacket was beside me. 
 " "Well done, my lad ! You've earned twenty guineas if I 
 win the race ! Lead the way a bit, and let your mare choose 
 her ground when she leaps." This was all he said, but such 
 words of encouragement never fell on my ears before. 
 
 Before us were the others, now reduced to three in number, 
 and evidently holding their stride and watching each other, 
 never for a moment suspecting that the most feared compe- 
 titor was fast creeping up behind them. One fence separated 
 us, and over this I led again, sitting my mare with all the 
 composure of an old steeple-chaser. " Out of the way, now ! " 
 cried my companion," and let me at them !" and he tore past 
 me at a tremendous pace, shouting out, as he went by the 
 rest, " Come along, my lads ! I'll show the way ! " 
 
 And so he did ! With all their efforts, and they were bold 
 ones, they never overtook him afterwards. His mare took 
 each fence flying, and as her speed was much greater than the 
 others, she came in full half a minute in advance. The 
 others arrived altogether, crestfallen and disappointed, and, 
 like all beaten men, receiving the most insulting comments 
 from the mob, who are somewhat keen critics on misfortune. 
 I came last, for I had dropped behind when I was ordered, 
 but, unable to extricate my mare from the crowd, was com- 
 pelled to ride the whole distance with the rest. If the losing 
 horsemen were hooted and laughed at, my approach was a 
 kind of triumphal entry. " There's the chap that led over 
 the wall ! That little fellow rode the best of them all ! " 
 " See that ragged boy on the small mare ; he could beat the 
 field this minute !" 
 
 " 'Tis fifty guineas in goold ye ought to have, my chap ! " 
 said another ; a sentiment the unwashed on all sides seemed 
 most heartily to subscribe to. 
 
 " Be my soul, I'd rather be lookin' at him than the gentle- 
 men ! " said a very tattered individual, with a coat like a 
 transparency. These, and a hundred similiar comments, fell 
 like hail-drops around ; and I believe, that in my momentary 
 triumph, I actually forgot all the dangers and perils of my 
 offence. 
 
 It is a great occasion for rejoicing among the men of rags 
 and wretchedness, when a member of their own order has
 
 Bi THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 achieved anything like fame. The assertion of their ability 
 to enter the lists with "their betters," is the very pleasantest 
 of all flatteries. It is, so to say, a kind of skirmish, before 
 that great battle, which, one day or other, remains to be 
 fought between the two classes which divide mankind — those 
 who have, and those who have not. 
 
 I little suspected that I was, to use the cant so popular at 
 present, " the representative of a great principle " in my late 
 success. I took all the praises bestowed, most literally, to 
 myself, and shook hands with all the dirty and tattered mob, 
 fully convinced that I was a very fine fellow. 
 
 " Mister Beatagh wants to see the boy that led him over 
 the ditch," shouted out a huge, wide-shouldered, red-faced 
 ruffian, as he shoved the crowd right and left, to make way 
 for the approach of the gentleman who had just won the 
 race. 
 
 " Stand up bowld, avic ! " whispered one in my ear ; " and 
 don't be ashamed to ax for your reward." 
 
 " Say ten guineas ! " muttered another. 
 
 "No ; but twenty! " growled out a third. 
 
 "And lashings of drink besides, for the present company!" 
 suggested a big-headed cripple about two feet high. 
 
 " Are you the lad that took the fence before me ? " cried 
 out a smart-looking, red-whiskered young man, with a white 
 surtout loosely thrown over his riding costume. 
 
 " Yes, sir," I replied, half modestly and half assured. 
 
 " Who are you, my boy ? and where do you come from ? " 
 
 "He's one of Betty Cobbe's chickens!" shouted out an 
 old savage-faced beggar-man, who was terribly indignant at 
 the great misdirection of public sympathy ; " and a nice 
 clutch they are ! " 
 
 "What is it to you, Dan, where the crayture gets his 
 bread! " rejoined an old newsvender, who, in all likelihood, 
 had once been a parlour boarder in the same seminary. 
 
 "Never mind them, but answer me, my lad! " said the 
 gentleman. " If you are willing to take service, and can find 
 any one to recommend you " 
 
 " Sure we'll all go bail for him — to any amount ! " shouted 
 out the little crippled fellow, from his " bowl," and certainly 
 a most joyous burst of laughter ran through the crowd at 
 the sentiment. 
 
 "Maybe ye think I'm not a householder," rejoined the 
 fellow, with a grin of assumed anger ; " but haven't I my 
 own sugar hogshead to live in, and devil receave the lodger 
 in the same premises I "
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 55 
 
 "I see there's no chance of our being able to settle any- 
 thing here," said the gentleman. " These good people think 
 the matter more their own than ours ; so meet to-morrow, 
 my lad, at Dycer's, at twelve o'clock, and bring me anything 
 that can speak for your character." As he said these few 
 words he brushed the crowd to one side with his whip, and 
 forcing his way, with the air of a man who would not be 
 denied, left the place. 
 
 "And he's laving the crayture without givin' bint a 
 farden ! " cried one of the mob, who suddenly saw all the 
 glorious fabric of a carouse and a drunken bout disappear 
 like a mirage. 
 
 " Oh the 'tarnal vagabone ! " shouted another, more in- 
 dignantly; "to desart the child that a-way ; and he that 
 won the race for him ! " 
 
 " Will yez see the little crayture wronged ? " said another, 
 who appeared by his pretentious manner to be a practised 
 street orator. " Will yez lave the dissolute orphan " — he 
 meant desolate — "to be chayted out of his pater money? 
 Are yez men at all ? or are yez dirty slaves of the bloody 
 'stokessy 'that's murderin' oulcl Ireland.' " 
 
 " We'll take charge of the orphan, and of you too, my 
 smart fellow, if you don't brush off pretty lively ! " said a 
 policeman, as, followed by two others, he pushed through the 
 crowd with that cool determination that seems to be actually 
 an instinct with them. Then laying a strong hand on my 
 collar, he went on : " How did you come by that mare, my 
 lad ? " 
 
 " She belongs to Captain de Courcy, of the Royal Hospital,'* 
 said I, doing my utmost to seem calm and collected. 
 
 " We know that already ; what we want to hear is, what 
 brought you here with her ? It wasn't Captain de Courcy's 
 orders? " 
 
 " No, sir. I was told to hold her for him, and — and " 
 
 " And so you rode off with her — out with it, it saves time, 
 my lad. Now, let me ask you another question : — have you 
 any notion of the crime you have just committed ? do you 
 know that it amounts to horse-stealing ? and do you know 
 what the penalty is for that offence ? " 
 
 "No, sir; I know neither one nor the other," said I, 
 resolutely ; " and if I did, it doesn't matter much. As well 
 to live upon prison diet as to starve in the streets ! " 
 
 "He's a bad 'un ; I told ye that! " remarked another of 
 the policemen. " Take him off, Grimes ! " and so, amid a 
 very general but subdued murmur of pity and condolence
 
 56 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 from the crowd, I was dragged away on one side, while the 
 mare was led off on another. 
 
 It was a terrible tumble down, from being a hero to an 
 embryo felon ! From being cheered by the populace, to being 
 collared by a policeman ! As we w r ent along towards Dublin, 
 on a jaunting-car, I was regaled by interesting narratives of 
 others who had begun life like myself, and took an abrupt 
 leave of it in a manner by no means too decorous. Tho 
 peculiarity of anecdote which pertains to each profession 
 was strongly marked in these officers of the law ; and they 
 appeared to have studied the dark side of human nature 
 with eyes the keenest and most scrutinizing. 
 
 I wish I could even now forget the long and dreary hours 
 of the night that ensued, as I lay, with some fifty others, in the 
 gaol of the station-house. The company was assuredly not 
 select, nor their manners at all improved by the near approach 
 of punishment. It seemed as if all the disguises of vice 
 were thrown off at once, and that iniquity stood forth in its 
 own true and glaring livery. I do not believe that the heart 
 can ever experience a ruder shock than when an unfledged 
 criminal first hears himself welcomed into the " Masonry " 
 of guilt; to be claimed by such associates as a fellow- 
 labourer ; to be received as one of the brethren into the 
 guild of vice, is really an awful blow to one's self-esteem 
 and respect : to feel yourself inoculated with a disease whose 
 fatal marks are to stamp you like this one or that, sends a 
 shuddering terror through the heart, whose cold thrill is 
 never, in a life-long afterwards, thoroughly eradicated ! 
 
 There should be a quarantine for suspected guilt, as for 
 suspected disease; and the mere doubt of rectitude should 
 not expose any unfortunate creature to the chances of a ter- 
 rible contagion ! I do not affect by this to say that I was 
 guiltless — not in the least; but my crime should scarcely have 
 classified me with the associates by whom I was surrounded. 
 Nor was a night in such company the wisest mode of restoring 
 to the path of duty one who might possibly have only slightly 
 deviated from the straight line. 
 
 When morning came I was marched off, with a strong 
 phalanx of other misdoers, to the College Street office, where 
 a magistrate presided whose bitterest calumniators could 
 never accuse of any undue leanings towards mercy. By him 
 I had the satisfaction of hearing a great variety of small 
 offences decided with a railroad rapidity, only interrupted 
 now and then by a whining lamentation over the " lenity of 
 the legislature," that never awarded one tithe of the suitable
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 57 
 
 penalty, and bewailing his own inability to do more for the 
 criminal than send him to prison for two months, with hard 
 labour, and harder diet to sweeten it. 
 
 At last came my name, and as I heard it shouted aloud it 
 almost choked me with a nervous fulness in the throat. I 
 felt as though I was the greatest criminal in the universe, 
 and that the whole vast assemblage had no other object or 
 aim there than to see me arraigned for my offence. 
 
 I was scarcely ordered to advance before I was desired to 
 stand back again, the, prosecutor, Captain de Courcy, not 
 being in court. While a policeman was, therefore, despatched 
 by the magistrate to request that he would have the kindness 
 to appear, for the captain was an honourable and an aide- de- 
 camp, titles which the sitting justice knew well how to re- 
 spect, other cases were called and disposed of. It was nigh 
 three o'clock, when a great bustle in the outer court, and a 
 tremendous falling back of the dense crowd, accompanied by 
 an ostentatious display of police zeal, heralded a group of 
 officers, who, with gingling spurs and banging sabretashes, 
 made their way to the bench, and took their seats beside the 
 justice. Many were the courtesies interchanged between the 
 magistrate and the captain » one, averring that the delay was 
 not in the slightest degree inconvenient ; the other, profess 
 ing the greatest deference for the rules of court; neithe^ 
 bestowing a thought upon him most deeply concerned of all. 
 
 A very brief narrative, delivered by the captain with a 
 most military abruptness, detailed my offence ; and, although 
 not exaggerated in the slightest degree, the occasional inter- 
 ruptions of the magistrate served very considerably to magnify 
 its guilt — such as "Dear me! a favourite mare — a pure Arab — ■ 
 a present from your noble father, Lord Littlemore — infamous 
 treatment — abominable case — abandoned young scoundrel ! " 
 and so on ; closing with the accustomed peroration of regret 
 that, as hanging was now done away with, he feared that the 
 recorder could only award me a transportation for life ! 
 
 "Have you anything to say, sirrah?" said he at last, 
 turning towards me ; " or would you rather reserve your 
 observations for another time ? as I shall certainly commit 
 you for trial at the commission." 
 
 " I have only to suggest," said I, with an air of most in- 
 solent composure, "that you are probably mistaken in your 
 law. The offence with which I stand charged amounts, at 
 most, to the minor one of breach of trust." 
 
 "What! have we got a lawyer in the dock?" said the 
 magistrate, reddening with fear and auger together.
 
 58 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CHEGAN. 
 
 11 I have enjoyed some opportunities of legal study, your 
 •worship," said I, " and am happy to state that my opinion, 
 in the present instance, will not discredit the assertion. The 
 case stands thus : — T am employed by the Honourable Captain 
 de Courcy to perform a particular duty, which is of the dis- 
 tinct nature of a trust ; that trust, whose importance I do not 
 seek to extenuate in the slightest, I fail in. I will not plead 
 the strong temptation of a race and a great spectacle. 1 will 
 not allege, as perhaps I might, the example of my companions, 
 then revelling in all the pleasures of the day. I will simply 
 say that no one fact can be adduced to favour the suspicion 
 of a meditated robbery ; and that my conduct, so palpably 
 open and public, rejects the least assumption of the kind, and 
 at the utmost can establish nothing beyond what I am willing 
 to plead guilty to — a breach of trust." 
 
 " Listen to the Attorney- General ! By the hokey, it's him- 
 self they've in the dock ! " said one. 
 
 " That's the chap can give them chapter and varse ! " cried 
 another. 
 
 "Silence there! Keep silence in the court!" said the 
 justice, now really warm with passion. " I'd have you to 
 know, sirrah," said he, addressing me, " that your pettifogging 
 shrewdness is anything but favourable to you in the unfor- 
 tunate position in which you stand. I shall commit you for 
 trial, and would advise you — it is the only piece of advice 
 I'll trouble you with — to charge some more skilful advocate 
 with your defence, and not entrust it to the knavish flippancy 
 of conceit and chicanery." 
 
 " I mean to have counsel, your worship," said I, resolutely; 
 for my blood was up, and I would have argued with the twelve 
 judges. " I mean to have one of the first and most eminent 
 at the bar for my defence. Mr. Mansergh, of Merrion Square, 
 will not refuse my brief when he sees the fee I can offer 
 him." 
 
 A regular roar of laughter filled the court ; the impudence 
 of my speech, and my thus introducing the name of one of 
 the very first men at the bar, as likely to concern himself for 
 such a miserable case and object, was too much for any 
 gravity ; and when the magistrate turned to comment upon 
 my unparalleled assurance and impertinence to Captain de 
 Courcy, he discovered that the honourable captain had left 
 his place. 
 
 Such was the fact! The dashing aide-de-camp was, at 
 that moment, standing in earnest converse with myself, be- 
 side the dock.
 
 A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPENING IN THE WORLD. 59 
 
 " May I speak with, this boy in another room, yonr wor- 
 ship ? " said he, addressing the court. 
 
 " Certainly, Captain de Courcy ! Serjeant Biles, show- 
 Captain de Courcy into my robing-room." 
 
 The honourable captain did not regain his composure 
 immediately on finding himself alone with me ; on the con- 
 trary, his agitation was such, that he made two or three 
 efforts before he could utter the few words with which he- 
 first addressed me. 
 
 " What did you mean by saying that Mr. Mansergh would 
 defend you ? and what was the fee you alluded to ? " were 
 the words. 
 
 " Just what I said, sir ! " said I, with the steady assurance 
 a confidence of victory gives. " I thought it was better to 
 have able counsel, and as I know I have the means of recom- 
 pensing him, the opportunity was lucky." 
 
 " You don't pretend that you could afford to engage one 
 like him, my lad ?" said he, affecting, but very poorly, an air 
 of easy composure. " What could you give him? " 
 
 " A note, sir ; and although it never issued from the Bank, 
 one not without value ! " 
 
 The captain became deadly pale ; he made one step to- 
 wards the door, and in a low voice of ill-restrained anger 
 said, " I'll have you searched, sirrah ! If anything belong- 
 ing to me is found upon you " 
 
 "No fear, sir," said I, composedly; "I have taken pre- 
 cautions against that ; the note is safe ! " 
 
 He threw himself upon a chair, and stared at me steadily 
 for some minutes without a word. There we were, each 
 scanning the other, and inwardly calculating how to win the 
 game we were playing. 
 
 "Well ! " said he, at last; "what are your terms? You 
 see I give in." 
 
 " And so best," said I ; **it saves time. I ask very little 
 from your honour ; nothing more, in fact, than to have this- 
 charge dismissed. I don't mean to w r ear rags all my life,, 
 and consort with vagabonds, and so I dislike to have it said 
 hereafter that I was ever arraigned or committed for an 
 offence like this. You must tell the justice that it was some 
 blunder or mistake of your orders to me ;' some accidental 
 circumstance or other : I don't much care what, or how, nor 
 will he, if the explanation comes from you! This done, I'll 
 place the note in your hand within half an hour, and we need 
 never see much more of each other." 
 
 " But who is to secure me that you keep your promise ? "
 
 60 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " You must trust to me," said I, carelessly ; " I have no 
 bail to give." 
 
 " Why not return now with the policeman, for the note, 
 before I speak to the justice ? " 
 
 " Them who is to go bail for you ? " said I, smiling. 
 
 11 You are a cool fellow, by Jove ! " cried he, at the steady 
 impudence which I maintained in the discussion. 
 
 " I had need be," replied I, in a voice very different from 
 the feigned hardihood of my assumed part. " The boy, who 
 has neither a home, nor a friend in the world, has little else 
 to rely on save the cold recklessness of what may befall him ! " 
 
 I saw a curl of contempt upon the captain's lip at the 
 energy of this speech ; for now, when, for the first time be- 
 tween us, a single genuine sentiment broke from me, he 
 deemed it " cant." 
 
 " Well ! " cried he, " as you wish ; I'll speak to the justice, 
 and you shall be free." 
 
 He left the room as he spoke, but in a few moments re- 
 entered it saying, " All is right ! You are discharged ! Now 
 for your share of the bargain." 
 
 " Where will your honour be in half an hour ? " 
 
 "At the Club, Foster Place." 
 
 " Then I'll be there with the note," said I. 
 
 He nodded, and walked out. I watched him as he went ; 
 but he neither spoke to a policeman, nor did he turn his head 
 round to see what became of me. There was something in 
 this that actually awed me. It was a trait so unlike anything 
 I had ever seen in others, that I at once perceived it was " the 
 gentleman's " spirit enabling him to feel confidence even in 
 a poor ragged street wanderer as I was. The lesson was not 
 lost on me. My life has been mainly an imitative one, and I 
 have more than once seen the inestimable value of " trusting." 
 
 No sooner was I at large than I speeded to Betty's, and 
 was back again long before the half-hour expired. I had to 
 wait till near five, however, before he appeared ; so sure was 
 he of my keeping my word, that he never troubled himself 
 about me ! " Ha ! " said he, as he saw rae; " long here ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir, about an hour ; " and I handed him the note as 
 I spoke. 
 
 He thrust it carelessly into his sabretash, and pulling out a 
 crown piece, chucked it towards me, saying, " Good-bye, 
 friend ; if they don't hang you, you'll make some noise in 
 the world yet." 
 
 " I mean it, sir," said I, with a familiar nod ; and so 
 genteelly touching my cap in salute, I walked away.
 
 61 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 "a quiet chop" at "killeen's," and a qlance at a new character. 
 
 I looked very wistfully at my broad crown piece, as it lay 
 with its honest platter face in the palm of my hand, and felt 
 by the stirring sensations it excited within me, some inklings 
 of his feelings who possesses hundreds of thousands of them. 
 Then there arose in my mind the grave question how it was 
 to be spent ; and such a strange connection is there between 
 what economists call supply and demand, that, in place of 
 being, as I esteemed myself a few minutes back, " passing 
 rich," I at once perceived that I was exceeding poor, since to 
 effect any important change in my condition, five shillings was 
 a most inadequate sum. It would not buy me more than a 
 pair of shoes ; and what use in repairing the foundation of 
 the edifice when the roof was in ruin ! not to speak of my 
 other garments, to get into which, each morning, by the same 
 apertures as before, was a feat that might have puzzled a 
 harlequin. 
 
 I next bethought me of giving an entertainment to my 
 brethren at Betty's; but, after all, they had shown little 
 sympathy with me in my late misfortune, and seemed rather 
 pleased to be rid of a dangerous professional rival. This, 
 and a lurking desire to leave the fraternity, decided me 
 against this plan. 
 
 Then came the thought of entertaining myself, giving 
 myself a species of congratulatory dinner on my escape ; 
 and, in fact, commemorating the event by anticipating the 
 most fashionable mode now in use. 
 
 I canvassed the notion, with all the skill and fairness I 
 could summon, starting the various objections against it, and 
 answering them with what seemed to myself a most judicial 
 impartiality. 
 
 "Who does a man usually entertain," said I, "but his 
 intimate friends ?" Those whose agreeability is pleasing to 
 him, or whose acquaintance is valuable from their station and 
 influence. Now, with whom had I such an unrestrained 
 and cordial intercourse as myself? Whose society never 
 wearied? — whose companionship always interested me?— 
 my own ! and who, of all the persons I had ever met with
 
 62 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 conceived a sincere and heartfelt desire for my welfare, pre- 
 ferring it to all others ? " Con Cregan, it is you," said I, 
 enthusiastically. " In you my confidence is complete. I be- 
 lieve you incapable of ever forgetting me ; come, then, and 
 let us pledge our friendship over a flowing bowl." 
 
 Where, too, was the next doubt ? With a crown to spend, 
 I was not going to descend to some subterranean den among 
 coal-heavers, news venders, and umbrella hawkers ; but how 
 was I to gain access to a better-class ordinary — that was the 
 difficulty — who would admit the street-runner in his rags, 
 into even a brief intimacy with his silver forks and spoons ; 
 and it was precisely to an entertainment on such a scale as a 
 good tavern could supply that I aspired. It was to test my 
 own feelings under a new stimulant. Just as I have often 
 since seen grave people experiment upon themselves with 
 laughing gas, and magnetism, and the fumes of ether. 
 
 " It may be too much for you, Con/' said I, as I went along; 
 *' there's no knowing what effect it may have on your nerves." 
 
 " Remember that your system is not attuned to such varia- 
 tions. Your vagaries may prove extravagant, and the too 
 sudden elevation may disturb your naturally correct judg- 
 ment." Against these doubts I pleaded the necessity of not 
 being ungrateful to myself — not refusing a very proper ac- 
 knowledgment of my own skill and astuteness ; and, lastly, 
 I suggested a glancing kind of hope, that, like those famed 
 heroes who dated their great fortune to having gone to sleep 
 beneath the shadow of some charmed tree, or near the ripple 
 of a magic fountain, that I, too, should arise from this 
 banquet with some brilliant view of life, and see the path to 
 success, bright and clear before me, through the hazy mists 
 of fancy. 
 
 As I reasoned thus, I passed various ordinaries, stopping 
 with a kind of instinct at each, to gaze at the luscious rounds 
 of beef, so daintily tricked out with sprigs of parsley — the 
 appetizing cold sirloins, so beautifully stratified with fat and 
 lean — with hams that might tempt a rabbi — not to speak of 
 certain provocative little paragraphs, about " Ox- tail and 
 Gravy ready at all hours." "Queer world it is," said I; 
 " and there are passing at every instant, by tens and twenties, 
 men, and women, and children, famishing and hungry, who 
 see all these things separated from them by a pane of window 
 glass ; and yet, they only gather their rags more closely 
 together — clench their thin lips tighter, and move on. Not 
 that alone ; but here am I, with means to buy what I want, 
 and yet, I must not venture to cross that threshold, as though
 
 " A QUIET CHOP " AT " KILLEEX's." 63 
 
 my rags should be an insult to their broadcloth." " Move on, 
 youngster," quoth a policeman at this moment, and thus 
 put an end to my soliloquy. 
 
 Wearied with rambling, and almost despairing of myself, I 
 was about to cross Carlisle Bridge, when the blazing effulgence 
 of a great ruby-coloured lamplight attracted my attention, 
 over which, in bright letters, ran the words, " Killeen's Tavern 
 and Chop House," and beneath, — " Steak, potatoes, and a 
 pint of stout, one shilling and fourpence." Armed with a 
 bold thought, I turned and approached the house. Two or 
 three waiters, in white aprons, were standing at the door, 
 and showed little inclination to make way for me as I 
 advanced. 
 
 " Well ! " cried one, " who are you ? Nobody sent for you." 
 
 " Tramp, my smart fellow," said the other, " this an't your 
 shop." 
 
 "Isn't this Killeen's?" said I, stoutly. 
 
 "Just so," said the first, a little surprised at my coolness. 
 
 " Well, then, a young gentleman from the college sent me 
 to order dinner for him at once, and pay for it at the same 
 time." 
 
 " What will he have ? " 
 
 " Soup, and a steak, with a pint of port," said I ; just the 
 kind of dinner I had often heard the old half-pay officers 
 talking of at the door of the Club in Foster Place. 
 
 " What hour did he say ? " 
 
 " This instant. He's coming down ; and, as he starts by 
 the mail at seven, he to]d me to have it on the table when he 
 came." 
 
 " All right ; four-and-six," said the waiter, holding out his 
 hand for the money. 
 
 I gave him my crown piece, and as he fumbled for the 
 sixpence I insinuated myself quietly into the hall. 
 
 " There's your change, boy," said the waiter ; " you needn't 
 stop." 
 
 "Will you be so good, sir," said I, " to write ' paid ' on a 
 slip of paper for me, just to show the gentleman ? " 
 
 " Of course," said he, taken possibly by the flattering 
 civility of my address, and he stepped into the bar, and soon 
 reappeared with a small scrap of paper, with these words : 
 *' Dinner and a pint of port, 4s. 6d. — paid." 
 
 " I'm to wait for him here, sir," said I, most obsequiously 
 
 "Very well, so you can," replied he, passing on to the 
 coffee-room. 
 
 I peeped through the glass door, and saw that in one of
 
 64 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 the little boxes into which the place was divided, a table was 
 jnst spread, and a soap-tureen and a decanter placed on it. 
 "This," thought I, "is for me;" for, all the other boxes 
 were already occupied, and a great buzz of voices and clash- 
 ing of plates and knives going on together. 
 
 " Serve the steak, sir," said I, stepping into the room and 
 addressing the head- waiter, who, with a curse to me to " get 
 out of that," passed on to order the dish ; while I, with an 
 adroit flank movement, dived into the box, and, imitating 
 some of the company, spread my napkin like a breastplate 
 across me. By a great piece of fortune, the stall was the 
 darkest in the room, so that when seated in a corner, with an 
 open newspaper before me, I could, for a time at least, hop© 
 to escape detection. 
 
 " Anything else, sir ? " cried a waiter, as he uncovered the 
 soup, and deposited the dish of smoking beefsteak. 
 
 "Nothing," responded I, with a voice of most imposing 
 sternness, and manfully holding up the newspaper between us. 
 
 The first three or four mouthfuls I ate with a faint heart ; 
 the fear of discovery, exposure, and expulsion, almost choked 
 me. A glass of port rallied, a second one cheered, and a 
 third emboldened me, and I proceeded to my steak in a spirit 
 of true ease and enjoyment. The port was most insidious; 
 place it wherever I would on the table, it invariably stole 
 over beside me, and in spite of me, as it were, the decanter 
 would stand at my elbow. I suppose it must be in reality a 
 very gentlemanlike tipple ; the tone of sturdy self-reliance, 
 the vigorous air of command, the sense of absolutism it 
 inspires, smack of Toryism ; and as I sipped, I felt myself 
 rising above the low prejudices I once indulged in against 
 rank and wealth, and insensibly comprehending the beauty of 
 that system which divides and classifies mankind. 
 
 The very air of the place, the loud, overbearing talk, the 
 haughty summons to the waiter, the imperious demand for 
 this or that requisite of the table, all conspired to impress 
 me with the pleasant sensation imparted to him who possesses 
 money. Among the various things called for on every side 
 I remarked that mustard seemed in the very highest request. 
 Every one ate of it ; none seemed to have enough of it. 
 There was a perpetual cry, — " Mustard ! I say, waiter, bring 
 me the mustard ; " while one very choleric old gentleman, in 
 a drab surtout and a red nose, absolutely seemed bursting 
 with indignation, as he said, " You don't expect me to eat a 
 steak without mustard, sir ? " — a rebuke at which the waiter 
 grew actually purple.
 
 AT " killeen's." 65 
 
 Now this was the very thing I had myself been doing, 
 actually eating " a steak without mustard ! " what a mistake, 
 and for one who believed himself to be in every respect 
 conforming to the choicest usages of high life ! What was 
 to be done ? the steak had disappeared : no matter, it was 
 never too late to learn, and so I cried out, " Waiter ! the 
 mustard here ! " in a voice that almost electrified the whole 
 room. 
 
 I had scarcely concealed myself beneath my curtain — The 
 Times, — when the mustard was set down before me, with a 
 humble apology for forgetfulness. I waited till he withdrew, 
 and then helping myself to the unknown delicacy, proceeded 
 to eat it, as the phrase is, " neat." In my eagerness I 
 swallowed two or three mouthfuls before I felt its effects, and 
 then, a sensation of burning and choking seized upon me. 
 My tongue seemed to swell to thrice its size ; my eyes felt as 
 if they would drop out of my head ; while a tingling sensa- 
 tion, like " frying," in my nostrils, almost drove me mad ; so 
 that after three or four seconds of silent agony, during which 
 I experienced about ten tears of torture ; unable to endure 
 more, I screamed out that " I was poisoned," and with 
 wide-open mouth, and staring eyes, ran down the coffee- 
 room. 
 
 Never was seen such an uproar ! had an animal from a 
 wild-beast menagerie appeared among the company, the con- 
 sternation could scarce be greater; and in the mingled 
 laughter and execrations, might be traced the different moods 
 of those who resented my intrusion. " Who is this fellow ? 
 how did he get in ? what brought him here ? what's the 
 matter with him?" poured in on all sides; difficulties the 
 head waiter thought it better to deal with by a speedy expul- 
 sion than by any lengthened explanation. 
 
 "Get a policeman, Bob!" said he to the next in com- 
 mand ; and the order was given loud enough to be heard 
 by me. 
 
 " What the devil threw him amongst us ? " said a testy- 
 looking man in green spectacles. 
 
 " I came to dine, sir," said I; "to have my steak and my 
 pint of wine, as I hoped, in comfort, and as one might have 
 it in a respectable tavern." 
 
 A jolly burst of laughter stopped me, and I was obliged 
 to wait for its subsidence to continue. 
 
 " Well, sir ! I paid for my dinner " 
 
 " Is that true, Sam ? " said a shrewd-looking man to the 
 waiter. 
 
 F
 
 66 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 " Quite true, sir ! he paid four-and-sixpence, saying that 
 the dinner was for a College gentleman." 
 
 "I have been in College," said I, coolly; "but no matter, 
 the thing is simple enough ; I am here, in a house of public 
 entertainment, the proprietors of which have accepted my 
 money for a specific purpose ; and putting aside the question 
 whether they can refuse admission to any well-conducted in- 
 dividual, (see Barnes versus MacTivell, in the 8th volume 
 Term Reports; and Hobbes against Blinkerton, Soaker, and 
 others, in the Appendix,) I contend that my presence here is 
 founded upon contract." 
 
 Another and still louder roar of mirth again stopped me, 
 and before I could resume, the company had gathered round 
 me in evident delight at my legal knowledge ; and in par- 
 ticular, he of the spectacles, who was a well-known attorney 
 of the Court of Conscience. 
 
 " That fellow's a gem ! " said he. " Hang me if he's not 
 equal to Bleatem ! Sam, take care what you do ; he's the 
 chap to have his action against you ! I say, my man, come 
 and sit down here, and let us have a little chat together." 
 
 "Most willingly, sir," responded I. "Waiter, bring my 
 wine over to this table." This was the signal for another 
 shout, of which I did not deign to take the slightest notice. 
 
 " I'll wager a hundred oysters," exclaimed one of the party 
 among whom I now seated myself, " that I have seen him 
 before ! Tell me, my lad, didn't you ride over the course 
 yesterday, and cut out the work for Mr. Beatagh ? " 
 
 I bowed an assent. " Who the devil is he ? " cried two or 
 three together ; and my appearance and manner did not check 
 the audible expression of this sentiment. 
 
 "A few words will suffice, gentlemen," said I, "on that 
 head. My father was an estated gentleman, of small, but 
 unincumbered fortune, which he lost by an unfortunate specu- 
 lation ; he accordingly went abroad " 
 
 " To Norfolk Island ! " suggested one, with a wink. 
 
 " Exactly," responded I ; " a Colonial appointment ; leaving 
 me, like Norval, not exactly on the Grampian Hills, but in a 
 worse place, in the middle of the bog of Allen ; my sole 
 dependence being in certain legal studies I had once made, 
 and a natural taste for getting forward in life ; which, with a 
 most enthusiastic appreciation of good company" — here I 
 bowed politely all round — " are, I flatter myself, my chief 
 characteristics." 
 
 After a little, but most good-humoured, quizzing about my 
 present occupation and future prospects, they, with far more
 
 "a quiet chop" at " killeen's." 67 
 
 politeness than might be expected, turned the conversation 
 upon other matters, and kindly permitted me to throw in 
 from time to time my observations ; remarks which I could 
 see, from their novelty at least, seemed often to surprise 
 them. 
 
 At length the hour of separating arrived, and I arose to bid 
 the company good night, which I performed with a very fair 
 imitation of that quiet ease I had often studied in the young 
 guardsmen about town. 
 
 " What do you bet that he has neither home to shelter 
 him, nor bed to sleep on this night ? " whispered one to his 
 neighbour. 
 
 " What are you writing there, Cox ? " said another, to the 
 keen-eyed man, who was pencilling something on a card. 
 
 " There; that's my address, my boy; 12, Stafford Street: 
 Jeremiah Cox. Come to me about ten to-morrow." 
 
 Another, while he was speaking, made an effort to slip a 
 half-crown into my hand ; a measure I felt it becoming to 
 decline with a prompt, but courteous refusal. Indeed, I had 
 so identified myself with the part I was performing, that I 
 flung down my only sixpence on the table for the waiter, and 
 with a last salutation to the honourable company, walked out. 
 I have a perfect memory of every circumstance of the even- 
 ing, and I recollect that my swaggering exit was as free from 
 any semblance of concern or care as though a carriage waited 
 for me outside to convey me to a luxurious home ! 
 
 It has often been a fancy of mine through life, to pass the 
 entire of a summer night out of door; to wander either 
 through the moonlit roads of some picturesque country, or in 
 the still more solitary streets of a great city. I have always 
 felt on these occasions as though one were " stealing a march" 
 upon the sleeping world — gaining so many more hours of 
 thought and reflection, which the busy conflict of life renders 
 so often difficult. 
 
 The hours of the night seem to typify so many stages of 
 existence, — only reversing the natural order of age, and 
 making the period of deep reflection precede the era of san- 
 guine hope ; for if the solemn closing in of the darkness 
 suggests musing, so do the rosy tints and fresh air of break- 
 ing day inspire the warm hopefulness of youth. If " the 
 daylight sinking" invites the secret communing of the heart, 
 " the dawning of morn " glows with energetic purpose and 
 bold endeavour. 
 
 To come back to myself. I left the tavern without a 
 thought whither I should turn my steps. It was a calm 
 
 F 2
 
 68 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 night, with a starry sky. and a mild genial air, so that to pass 
 the hours until morning without shelter, was no great priva- 
 tion. One only resolve I had formed — never to go back to 
 Betty's. I felt that I had sojourned over long in such com- 
 panionship ; it was now time some other, and more upward 
 path should open before me. 
 
 Following the course of the Liffey, I soon reached the Quay 
 called the North Wall, and at last arrived at the bluff extre- 
 mity which looks out upon the opening of the river into the 
 Bay of Dublin. The great expanse was in deep shadow, but 
 so calm the sea, that the two lighthouses were reflected in 
 long columns of light in the tranquil water. The only sound 
 audible was the low monotonous plash of the sea against the 
 wall, or the grating noise of a chain cable, as the vessel it 
 held surged slowly with the tide. The sounds had something 
 plaintive in them, that soon imparted a tone of sadness to 
 my mind : but it was a melancholy not unpleasing ; and I sat 
 down upon a rude block of stone, weaving strange fancies of 
 myself and my future. 
 
 As I sat thus, my ear, grown more acute by habit, detected 
 the light clank of a chain, and something like a low thump- 
 ing sound in the water beneath me, and on peering down, I 
 discovered the form of a small boat, fastened to a ring in the 
 wall, and which, from time to time, grated against the strong 
 masonry. There it lay, with a pair of light oars run under 
 the thwarts, and its helm flapping to and fro, inert and pur- 
 poseless, like myself! so at least I fancied it ; and soon began 
 conceiving a strange parallel between it and me. I was sud- 
 denly startled from these musings by the sound of feet rapidly 
 approaching. 
 
 I listened, and could hear a man coming towards me at full 
 speed. I sat down beneath the shadow of the wall, and he 
 passed me unnoticed, and then springing up on the parapet, 
 he gave a loud shrill whistle, waiting a few seconds as if for 
 the reply, he was silent, and then repeated it ; but still in 
 vain— no answer came. " Blast them ! " muttered he, " the 
 scoundrels will not show a light!" A third time did he 
 whistle, but though the sounds might be heard a mile off, 
 neither sight nor sound ever responded to them. " And that 
 rascal, too, to have left the boat at such a moment." Just as 
 he uttered these words, he sprang down from the wall, and 
 caught sight of me, as I lay, affecting sleep, coiled up 
 beneath it. 
 
 With a rude kick of his foot on my side, he aroused me, 
 saying, " D— n the fellow, is this a time for sleeping? I
 
 A GLANCE AT A NEW CHARACTER. 69 
 
 told you to keep a sharp look-out for me here ! What ! who 
 are you ? " cried he, as I stood upright before him. 
 
 " A poor boy, sir, that has no roof to shelter him," said I, 
 plaintively. 
 
 He bent his head and listened ; and then, with a horrible 
 curse, exclaimed, " Here they are ! here they come ! Cau 
 you pull an oar, my lad ? " 
 
 " I can, sir," answered I. 
 
 " Well, jump down into the punt there, and row her round 
 the point to the stairs. Be quick ! down with you ! I hare 
 cut my hand, and cannot help you. There, that's it, my lad ! 
 catch the ring : swing yourself a little more to the right ; her 
 gunwale is just beneath your foot ; all right now ! well done ! 
 Be alive now! give way, give way!" and thus encouraging 
 me, he walked along the parapet above me, and in a few 
 minutes stood fast, calling out, but in a lower and more 
 cautious voice, " There ! close in, now a strong pull — that's 
 it ! " and then hastily descending a narrow flight of steps, 
 he sprang into the boat, and seated himself in the stern. 
 " Hush ! be still ! " cried he, " do not stir ! they'll never see 
 us under the shadow of the wall !" 
 
 As he spoke, two dark figures mounted the wall, straight 
 above our heads, and stood for some seconds as it were peer- 
 ing into the distance. 
 
 " I'll swear I saw him take this way," cried one, in a deep 
 low voice. 
 
 "If he were the Devil himself, he could not escape us 
 here," said the other, with an accent of vindictive passion. 
 
 " And he is the Devil," said the former speaker. 
 
 " Pooh, nonsense, man! any fellow who can win at dice, or 
 has a steady finger with a pistol, is a marvel for you. Curses 
 on him ! he has given us the slip somehow." 
 
 " I'd not wonder, Harry, if he has taken the water ; he 
 swims like a duck ! " 
 
 " He could not have sprung from a height like that with- 
 out a plash, and we were close enough upon his heels to hear 
 it ; flash off some powder in a piece of paper ; it is dark as 
 pitch here." 
 
 While the men above were preparing their light, I heard a 
 slight stir in the stern of the boat. I turned my head and 
 saw my companion coolly fitting a cap on his pistol ; he was 
 doing it with difficulty, as he was obliged to hold the pistol 
 between his knees, while he adjusted the cap with his left 
 hand ; the right hand he carried in the breast of his coat. 
 Nothing could be more calm and collected than his every
 
 ?0 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 movement, up to the instant when, having cocked the weapon, 
 he lay back in the boat, so as to have a full stare at the two 
 dark figures above us. 
 
 At last, the fuze was ready, and being lighted, it was held 
 for a few seconds in the hand, and then thrown into the air. 
 The red and lurid glare flashed full upon two savage-looking 
 faces, straight above our heads, and for an instant showed 
 their figures with all the distinctness of noon-day. I saw 
 them both, as if by a common impulse, lean over the parapet 
 and peer down into the dark water below ; and I could have 
 almost sworn that we were discovered ; my companion 
 evidently thought so too, for he raised his pistol steadily, 
 and took a long and careful aim. What a moment was that 
 for me, expecting at every instant to hear the report, and 
 then the heavy fall of the dead man into the water ! my 
 throat was full to bursting. The bit of burning paper of the 
 fuze had fallen on my companion's pistol hand, but though it 
 must have scorched him, he never stirred, nor even brushed 
 it off. I thought that by its faint flicker, also, we might 
 have been seen ; but no, it was plain they had not perceived 
 us ; and it was with a delight I cannot describe, that I saw 
 one and then the other descend from the wall, while I heard 
 the words, " There's the second time above five hundred 
 pounds has slipped from us. D — n the fellow ! but if I hang 
 for him, I'll do it yet ! " 
 
 " Well, you've spoiled his hand for hazard for a while, any- 
 how, Harry ! " said the other. " I think you must have taken 
 his fingers clean off ! " 
 
 "The knife was like a razor," replied the other, with a 
 laugh ; " but he struck it out of my hand with a blow above 
 the wrist ; and, I can tell you, I'd as soon get the kick of a 
 horse as a short stroke of the same closed fist." 
 
 They continued to converse as they moved away, but their 
 words only reached me in broken unconnected sentences. 
 From all I could glean, however, I was in company with one 
 of enormous personal strength, and a most reckless intre- 
 pidity. At last, all was still ; not a sound to be heard on 
 any side ; and my companion, leaning forward, said, " Come, 
 my lad, pull me out a short distance into the offing ; we shall 
 soon see a light to guide us ! " 
 
 In calm still water I could row well. I had been boat-boy 
 to the priest at all his autumn fishing excursions on the 
 Westmeath Lakes, so that I acquitted myself creditably, 
 urged on, I am free to confess, by a very profound fear of 
 the large figure who loomed so mysteriously in the stern.
 
 . A GLANCE AT A NEW CHARACTER. 71 
 
 For a time we proceeded in deep silence, when at last lie said, 
 " What vessel do you belong to, boy ? " 
 
 11 1 was never at sea, sir," replied I. 
 
 "Not a sailor! how comes it, then, you can row so 
 well?" 
 
 " I learned to row in fresh water, sir." 
 
 u What are you ? How came you to be here to-night ? " 
 
 " By merest chance, sir. I had no money to pay for a bed. 
 I have neither home nor friends. I have lived by holding 
 horses, and running errands, in the streets." 
 
 " Picking pockets occasionally, I suppose, too, when regular 
 business was dull ! " 
 
 11 Never ! " said I, indignantly. 
 
 "Don't be shocked, my fine fellow! " said he, jeeringly ; 
 " better men than ever you'll be, have done a little that way. 
 I have made some lighter this evening myself, for the matter 
 of that!" 
 
 This confession, if very frank, was not very reassuring, 
 and so I made no answer, but rowed away with all my 
 might. 
 
 " Well! " said he, after a pause, "luck has befriended me 
 twice to-night, and sending you to sleep under that wall was 
 not the worst turn of the two. Ship your oars, there, boy, 
 and let us see if you are as , handy a surgeon as you are a 
 sailor ! Try and bind up these wounded fingers of mine, for 
 they begin to smart with the cold night air." 
 
 " Wait an instant," cried he ; " we are safe now, so you 
 may light this lantern ; " and he took from his pocket a small 
 and most elegantly-fashioned lantern, which he immediately 
 lighted. 
 
 I own it was with a most intense curiosity I waited for the 
 light to scan the features of my singular companion ; nor was 
 my satisfaction inconsiderable when, instead of the terrific- 
 looking fellow — half bravo, half pirate, I expected — I per- 
 ceived before me a man of apparently thirty-one or two, with 
 large but handsome features and gentlemanly appearance. 
 He had an immense beard and moustache, which united at 
 either side of the mouth ; but this, ferocious enough to one 
 unaccustomed to it, could not take off the quiet regularity 
 and good humour of his manly features. He wore a large- 
 brimmed slouched felt-hat, that shaded his brows ; and he 
 seemed to be dressed with some care, beneath the rough 
 exterior of a common pilot coat ; at least he wore silk stock- 
 ings and shoes, as if in evening dress. These particulars I 
 had time to note, while he unwound from his crippled hand
 
 72 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 the strips of a silk handkerchief, which, stiffened and clotted 
 with blood, bespoke a deep and severe wound. 
 
 If the operation were often painful, even to torture, he 
 never winced, or permitted the slightest expression of suffer- 
 ing to escape him. At last the undressing was completed, 
 and a fearful gash appeared, separating the four fingers almost 
 entirely from the hand. The keenness of the cut showed 
 that the weapon must have been, as the fellow averred, sharp 
 as a razor. Perhaps the copious loss of blood had exhausted 
 the vessels, or the tension of the bandage had closed them, 
 for there was little bleeding, and I soon succeeded, with 
 the aid of his cravat, in making a tolerable dressing of 
 the wound, and by filling up the palm of the hand, as I 
 had once seen done by a country surgeon in a somewhat 
 similar case. The pain was relieved by the gentle support 
 afforded. 
 
 "Why, you are a most accomplished vagrant! " said he, 
 laughing, as he watched the artistic steps of my proceeding. 
 " What's your name ? — I mean, what do you go by at 
 present? for of course a fellow like you has a score of 
 aliases." 
 
 " I have had only one name up to this," said I, " Con 
 Cregan." 
 
 " Con Cregan ! sharp and shrewd enough it sounds, too ! " 
 said he ; " and what line of life do you mean to follow, Master 
 Con ? for I suspect you have not been without some specula- 
 tions on the subject." 
 
 " I have thought of various things, sir ; but how is a 
 poor boy like me to get a chance ? I feel as if I could pick 
 up a little of most trades, but I have no money, nor any 
 friends." 
 
 " Money—friends ! " exclaimed he, with a burst of bitter- 
 ness, quite unlike his previous careless humour. " Well, my 
 good fellow ! I had both one and the other — more than most 
 people are supposed to have of either — and what have they 
 brought me to ? " he held up his maimed and blood-clotted 
 hand, as he spoke this with a withering scorn in every 
 accent. 
 
 " No, my boy ! trust one who knows something of life — 
 the lighter you start the easier your journey ! He that 
 sets his heart on it, can always make money ; and friends, 
 as they are called by courtesy, are still more easily acquired." 
 This was the first time I had ever heard any one speak of 
 the game of life, as such; and I cannot say what intense 
 pleasure the theme afforded me. I am certain J ™ever stopped
 
 A GLANCE AT A NEW CHARACTER. 7S 
 
 to consider whether his views were right or not, whether the 
 shrewd results of a keen observer, or the prejudices of a dis- 
 appointed man. It was the subject, the matter discussed, 
 delighted me. 
 
 My companion appeared to feel that he had a willing 
 listener, and went freely on canvassing the various roads to 
 success, and with a certain air of confidence in all he said, 
 that to me seemed quite oracular. " What a fellow am I," 
 said he at last, " to discourse in this strain to a street urchin, 
 whose highest ambition is to outrun his ragged competitors, 
 and be first 'in,' for the sixpence of some cantering cornet. 
 Pull ahead, lad, there's the light at last ; and hang me if 
 they're not two miles out." 
 
 The contemptuous tone of the last few words effectually 
 repressed any desire I might have had for further colloquy ; 
 and I rowed away in silence, putting forth all my strength 
 and skill, so that the light skiff darted rapidly and steadily 
 through the water. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 SIR DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 
 
 Steadily, and with all the vigour I could command, I pulled 
 towards the light. My companion sat quietly watching the 
 stars, and apparently following out some chain of thought 
 to himself; at last he said, " There, boy, breathe a bit, 
 there's no need to blow yourself, we're all safe long since ; 
 the Firefly is right ahead of us, and not far off either. Have 
 you never heard of the yacht ? " 
 
 " Never, sir." 
 
 " Nor of its owner, Sir Dudley Broughton ? " 
 
 " No, sir, I never heard the name." 
 
 " Well, come," cried he, laughing, " that is consolatory. 
 I'm not half so great a reprobate as I thought myself! I 
 did not believe till now that there was an urchin of your 
 stamp living who could not have furnished at least some 
 anecdotes for a memoir of me! Well, my lad, yonder,
 
 74 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 where you see the blue light at the peak, is the Firefly, and 
 here, where I sit, is Sir Dudley Broughton. Ten minutes 
 more will put us alongside, so, if you're not tired, pull 
 away." 
 
 " No, Sir Dudley," said I, for I was well versed in the 
 popular tact of catching up a name quickly, " I am able to 
 row twice as far." 
 
 " And now, Master Con," said he, " we are going to part ; 
 are you too young a disciple of your craft for a glass of grog ? 
 or are you a follower of that new-fangled notion of pale- 
 faced politicians, who like bad coffee and reason better than 
 whisky and fun ? " 
 
 " I'll take nothing to drink, Sir Dudley," said I. " I 
 have dined, and drunk well to-day, and I'll not venture 
 further." 
 
 " As you please ; only I say you're wrong not to victual the 
 ship whenever you stand in-shore. No matter, put your hand 
 into this vest pocket, — you'll find some shillings there, take 
 them, wnatever they be. You'll row the boat back with one 
 of my people ; and all I have to say is, if you do speak of 
 me, as no doubt you will and must, don't say anything about 
 these smashed fingers; I suppose they'll get right one of 
 these days, and I'd rather there was no gossip about them." 
 
 " I'll never speak of it — I " 
 
 " There now, that's enough, no swearing, or I know you'll 
 break your promise. Back water a little, — pull the starboard 
 oar : so, here we are alongside." 
 
 Sir Dudley had scarce done speaking, when a hoarse 
 voice from the yacht challenged us. This was replied to by 
 a terrific volley of imprecations on the stupidity of not 
 sooner showing the light, amid which Sir Dudley ascended 
 the side, and stood upon the deck. " Where's Halkett F " 
 cried he, imperiously. " Here, sir," replied a short thick-set 
 man, with a sailor-like shuffle in his walk. " Send one of 
 the men back with the gig, and land that boy. Tell the 
 fellow, too, he's not to fetch Waters aboard, if he meets 
 him ; the scoundrel went off and left me to my fate this 
 evening, and it might have been no pleasant one, if I had 
 not found that lad yonder." 
 
 " We have all Sam Waters' kit on board, Sir Dudley," 
 said Halkett, " shall we send it ashore ? " 
 
 " No. Tell him I'll leave it at Demerara for him, and he 
 may catch the yellow fever in looking after it," said he, 
 laughing. 
 
 While listening to this short dialogue I had contrived to
 
 SIK DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 75 
 
 approach a light which gleamed from the cabin window, and 
 then took the opportunity to count over my wealth, amount- 
 ing, as I supposed, to some seven or eight shillings. Guess 
 my surprise, to see that the pieces were all bright yellow 
 gold, — eight shining sovereigns ! " 
 
 I had but that instant made the discovery, when the sailor 
 who was to put me on shore jumped into the boat and seated 
 himself. 
 
 " Wait one instant," cried I. " Sir Dudley — Sir Dudley 
 Broughton!" 
 
 " Well, what's the matter?" said he, leaning over the 
 side. 
 
 " This money you gave me " 
 
 " Not enough, of course ! I ought to have known that," 
 said he, scornfully. " Give the whelp a couple of half- 
 crowns, Halkett, and send him adrift." 
 
 " You're wrong, sir," cried I, with passionate eagerness ; 
 " they are gold pieces — sovereigns." 
 
 " The devil they are ! " cried he, laughing ; u the better 
 luck yours. Why didn't you hold your tongue about it ? " 
 
 " You bid me take some shillings, sir," answered I. 
 
 " How d — d honest you must be ! do you hear that, 
 Halkett? the fellow had scruples about taking his prize- 
 money. Never mind, boy, I must pay for my blunder, — you 
 may keep them now." 
 
 " I have pride, too," cried I, " and hang me if I touch 
 them." 
 
 He stared at me, without speaking, for a few minutes, and 
 then said in a low flat voice, " Come on deck, lad/' 1 
 obeyed; and he took a lighted lantern from the binnacle, 
 and held it up close to my face, and then moved it, so that 
 he made a careful examination of my whole figure. 
 
 " I'd give a crown to know who was your father," said he, 
 dryly. 
 
 " Con Cregan, of Kilbeggan, sir." 
 
 " Oh, of course, I know all that. Come, now, what say 
 you to try a bit of life afloat ? Will you stay here ?" 
 
 " Will you take me, sir ? " cried I in ecstasy. 
 
 " Halkett, rig him out," said he, shortly. " Nip the 
 anchor with the ebb, and keep your course down channel." 
 With this he descended the cabin stairs and disappeared, 
 while I, at a signal from Halkett, stepped down the ladder 
 into the steerage. In the meanwhile, it will not be deemed 
 digressionary if I devote a tew words to the singular cha- 
 racter into whose society I was now thrown, inasmuch as to
 
 76 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 convey any candid narrative of my own career, I must 
 speak of those who, without influencing the main current of 
 my life, yet certainly gave some impulse and direction to its 
 first meanderings. 
 
 Sir Dudley Broughton was the only son of a wealthy 
 baronet, who, riot from affection or overkindness, but out of 
 downright indolent indifference, permitted him, first as an 
 Eton boy, and afterwards as a gentleman commoner of Christ 
 Church, to indulge in every dissipation that suited his fancy. 
 An unlimited indulgence, a free command of whatever money 
 he asked for, added to a temper constitutionally headstrong 
 and impetuous, soon developed what might have been ex- 
 pected from the combination. He led a life of wild insubor- 
 dination at school, and was expelled from Oxford. With 
 faculties above rather than beneath mediocrity, and a certain 
 aptitude for acquiring the knowledge most in request in 
 society, he had the reputation of being one who, if he had 
 not unhappily so addicted himself to dissipation, would have 
 made a favourable figure in the world. After trying in vain 
 to interest himself in the pursuits of a country life, of which 
 the sporting was the only thing he found attractive, he joined 
 a well-known light cavalry regiment, celebrated for number- 
 ing among its officers more fast men than any other corps in 
 the service. His father dying about the same time, left him 
 in possession of a large fortune, which, with all his extrava- 
 gance, was but slightly encumbered. This fact, coupled with 
 his well-known reputation, made him popular with his brother 
 officers, most of whom having run through nearly all they 
 possessed, saw with pleasure a new Croesus arrive in the regi- 
 ment. Such a man as Broughton was just wanted. One 
 had a charger to get off; another wanted a purchaser for his 
 four-in-hand drag. The senior captain was skilful at billiards ; 
 and every one played "Lansquenet" and hazard. 
 
 Besides various schemes against his purse, the colonel had 
 a still more serious one against his person. He had a daughter, 
 a handsome, fashionable-looking girl, with all the manners of 
 society, and a great deal of that tact only to be acquired in 
 the very best foreign society. That she was no longer in the 
 fresh bloom of youth, nor with a reputation quite spotless, 
 were matters well known in the regiment ; but as she was still 
 eminently handsome, and "the Count Radchoffsky " had been 
 recalled by the emperor from the embassy of which he was 
 secretary, Lydia Del mar was likely, in the opinions of keen- 
 judging parties, to make a good hit with " some young fellow 
 who didn't know town." Broughton was exactly the man
 
 SIR DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 77 
 
 Colonel Delmar wanted, — good family, a fine fortune, and the 
 very temper a clever woman usually contrives to rule with 
 absolute sway. 
 
 There would be, unfortunately, no novelty in recording the 
 steps by which such a man is ruined. He did everything 
 that men do who are bent upon testing Fortune to the utmost. 
 He lent large sums to his " friends ; " he lost larger ones to 
 them. When he did win, none ever paid him, except by a 
 good-humoured jest upon his credit at Coutts'. " What the 
 devil do you want with money, Sir Dudley ? " was an appeal 
 he could never reply to. He ran horses at Ascot, and got 
 " squeezed ! " — he played at " Crocky's," and fared no better; 
 but, he was the favourite of the corps. " We could never get 
 on without Dudley," was a common remark, and it satisfied 
 him, that, with all his extravagance, he had made an invest- 
 ment in the hearts at least of his comrades. A few months 
 longer of this "fast" career would, in all likelihood, have 
 ruined him. He broke his leg by a fall in a steeple-chase, 
 and was thus driven, by sheer necessity, to lay up, and keep 
 quiet for a season. Now came Colonel Delma/s opportunity ; 
 the moment the news reached Coventry, he set off with his 
 daughter to Leamington. With the steeple- chasing, hazard 
 playing, betting, drinking, yachting, driving Sir Dudley, 
 there was no chance of even time for their plans ; but with a 
 sick man on the sofa, bored by his inactivity, hipped for want 
 of his usual resources, the game was open. The Colonel's 
 visit, too, had. such an air of true kindness ! 
 
 Broughton had left quarters without leave ; but, instead of 
 reprimands, arrests, and heaven knows what besides, there 
 was Colonel Delmar — the tine old fellow, shaking his finger 
 in mock rebuke, and saying, "Ah, Dudley, my boy, I came 
 down to give you a rare scolding, but this sad business has 
 saved you ! " And Lydia also, against whom he had ever 
 felt a dislike — that prejudice your boisterous and noisy kind 
 of men ever feel to clever women, whose sarcasms they know 
 themselves exposed to — why, she was gentle good-nature and 
 easy sisterlike kindness itself! She did not, as the phrase 
 goes, " nurse him ; " but she seldom left the room where he 
 lay. She read aloud, selecting with a marvellous instinct 
 the very kind of books he fancied. Novels, tales of every- 
 day life, things of whose truthfulness he could form some 
 judgment; and sketches wherein the author's views were 
 about on a level with his own. She would sit at the window, 
 too, and amuse him with descriptions of the people passing in 
 the street ; such smart shrewd pictures were they of watering-
 
 78 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 place folks and habits, Dudley never tired of them ! She 
 was unsurpassed for the style with which she could dress up 
 an anecdote or a bit of gossip ; and if it verged upon the free, 
 her French education taught her the nice perception of the 
 narrow line that separates " libertinage " from indelicacy. 
 
 So far from feeling impatient at his confinement to a sofa, 
 therefore, Broughton affected distrust in his renovated limb 
 for a full fortnight after the doctor had pronounced him cured. 
 At last he was able to drive out, and soon afterwards to take 
 exercise on horseback, Lydia Delmar and her father occa- 
 sionally accompanying him. 
 
 People will talk at Leamington, as they do at other places; 
 and so the gossips said that the rich — for he was still so re- 
 puted in the world — the "rich" Sir Dudley Broughton was 
 going to marry Miss Delmar. 
 
 Gossip is half-brother to that all-powerful director called 
 " Public Opinion ; " so that when Sir Dudley heard, some half- 
 dozen times every day, what it was reputed he would do, he 
 began to feel that he ought to do it. 
 
 Accordingly they were married ; the world — at least the 
 Leamington section of that large body — criticizing the match 
 precisely as it struck the interests and prejudices of the class 
 they belonged to. 
 
 Fathers and mothers agreed in thinking that Colonel Del- 
 mar was a shrewd old soldier, and had made an " excellent 
 hit." Young ladies pronounced Liddy — for a girl who had 
 been out eight years — decidedly lucky. Lounging men at 
 club doors looked knowingly at each other as they joked 
 together in half sentences, " No affair of mine ; but I did not 
 think Broughton would have been caught so easily." "Yes, 
 by Jove ! " cried another, with a jockey-like style of dress, 
 "he'd not have made so great a mistake on the ' Oaks ' as to 
 run an aged nag for a two-year-old ! " 
 
 " I wonder he never heard of that Russian fellow ! " ^aid a 
 third. 
 
 " Oh, yes ! " sighed out a dandy, with an affected drawl ; 
 " poor dear Liddy did, indeed, catch a ' Tartar ! ' " 
 
 Remarks such as these were the pleasant sallies the event 
 provoked ; but so it is in higher and greater things in life ! 
 At the launch of a line-of- battle ship, the veriest vagrant 
 in rags fancies he can predict for her defeat and ship- 
 wreck ! 
 
 The Broughtons were now the great people of the London 
 season, at least to a certain " fast " set, who loved dinners at 
 the Clarendon, high play, and other concomitant pleasures.
 
 BIB DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 79 
 
 Her equipages were the most perfect ; her diamonds the most 
 splendid ; while his dinners were as mach reputed by one 
 class, as her toilet by another. 
 
 Loans at ruinous interest ; — sales of property for a tithe of 
 its value ; — bills renewed at a rate that would have swamped 
 Rothschild ; — purchases made at prices proportionate to the 
 risk of non-payment; — reckless waste everywhere; — robbing 
 solicitors, cheating tradesman, and dishonest servants ! 
 But why swell the list, or take trouble to show how the 
 ruin came ? If one bad leak will cause a shipwreck, how 
 is the craft to mount the waves with every plank riven 
 asunder ? 
 
 If, among the patriarchs who lend at usury, Broughton's 
 credit was beginning to ebb, in the clubs at the west end, in 
 the betting-ring, at Crockford's, and at Tattersall's, he was in 
 all the splendour of his former fame. Anderson would trust 
 him with half his stable. Howell and James would send him 
 the epergne they had designed for a czar. And so he lived. 
 With rocks and breakers head, he only " carried on " the 
 faster and the freer. 
 
 Not that he knew, indeed, the extent, or anything approach- 
 ing the extent, to which his fortune was wrecked. All that 
 he could surmise on the subject w$s founded on the increased 
 difficulty he found in raising money — a circumstance his 
 pliant solicitor invariably explained by that happy phrase, the 
 " tightness of the money market." This completely satisfied 
 Sir Dudley, who, far from attributing it to his own almost 
 exh tasted resouices, laid all the blame upon some trickery 
 of f jreign statesmen, some confounded disturbance in Ireland, 
 something that the Foreign Secretary had done, or would not 
 do ; and that thus the money folk would not trust a guinea 
 out of their fingers. In fact, it was quite clear that to 
 political intrigue and cabinet scheming all Sir Dudley's 
 difficulties might fairly be traced ! 
 
 It was just at this time that the Count RadchofFsky arrived 
 once more in London in charge of a special mission No 
 longer the mere secretary of embassy, driving about in his 
 quiet cab, but an envoy extraordinary, with cordons and 
 crosses innumerable. He was exactly the kind of man for 
 Broughton's " set," so that he soon made his acquaintance, 
 and was presented by him to Lady Broughton as a moat 
 agreeable fellow, and something very distinguished in his 
 own country. 
 
 She rect-ived him admirably — remembered to have met 
 him, she thought, at Lord Edenbury's j but he corrected her
 
 80 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 by saying it was at the Duke of Clifton's — a difference of 
 testimony at which Broughton laughed heartily, saying, in 
 his usual rough way, " Well, it is pretty clear you didn't make 
 much impression on each other." 
 
 The Russian noble was a stranger to the turf. In the 
 details of arranging the approaching race, in apportioning 
 the weights, and ages, and distances, Broughton passed his 
 whole mornings for a month, sorely puzzled at times by 
 the apathy of his northern friend, who actually never ob- 
 truded an opinion, or expressed a wish for information on 
 the subject. 
 
 Sir Dudley's book was a very heavy one, too. What " he 
 stood to win " was a profound secret ; but knowing men 
 said that if he lost, it would be such a " squeeze " as had 
 not been known at Newmarket since the Duke of York's 
 day. 
 
 Such an event, however, seemed not to enter into his own 
 calculations ; and so confident was he of success, that he 
 could not help sharing his good fortune with his friend Rad- 
 choffsky, and giving him something in his own book. The 
 count professed himself everlastingly grateful, but confessed 
 that he knew nothing of racing matters ; and that, above all, 
 his Majesty the Emperor would be excessively annoyed if a 
 representative of his in any way interfered with the race ; in 
 fact, the honour of the Czar would be tarnished by such a 
 proceeding. Against such reasonings there could be no 
 opposition ; and Broughton only took to himself all the bene- 
 fits he had destined for his friend. 
 
 At last the eventful day came ; and although Sir Dudley 
 had arranged that Lady Broughton should accompany him to 
 the course, she was taken with some kind of nervous attack, 
 that prevented her leaving her bed. Her husband was pro- 
 voked at this ill-timed illness, for he was still vain of her 
 appearance in public ; but knowing that he could do nothing 
 for hysterics, he sent for Doctor Barham ; and then with all 
 speed he started for the race. 
 
 Among the friends who were to go along with him, the 
 count had promised to make one ; but despatches — that 
 admirable excuse of diplomatists, from the great secretary to 
 the humblest unpaid attache — despatches had just arrived ; 
 and if he could manage to get through his business early 
 enough, " he'd certainly follow." 
 
 Scarcely had Sir Dudley reached the ground, when a 
 carriage drove up to the stand, and a gentleman descended 
 in all haste. It was Mr. Taperton, his solicitor — his trusty
 
 SIR DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 81 
 
 man of loans and discounts for many a day. " Eh, Tappy ! " 
 cried Broughton, " come to sport a fifty on the filly ? " 
 
 "Walk a little this way, Sir Dudley," said he, gravely; 
 and his voice soon convinced the hearer that something 
 serious was in the wind. 
 
 " What's the matter, man ? You look as if ' Cardinal ' was 
 dead lame." 
 
 " Sir Dudley, you must start from this at once. Holds- 
 worth has taken proceedings on the bills ; Lord Corthern has 
 foreclosed ; the whole body of the creditors are up, and you'll 
 be arrested before you leave the field ! " 
 
 If the threat had conveyed the ignominious penalty of 
 felony, Broughton could not have looked more indignant. 
 "Arrested ! You don't mean that we cannot raise enough to 
 pay these rascals ? " 
 
 " Your outstanding bills are above twenty thousand, sir." 
 
 " And if they be ; do you tell me that with my estate " 
 
 " My dear Sir Dudley, how much of it is unencumbered ? 
 what single portion, save the few hundreds a year of Lady 
 Broughton's jointure, is not sunk under mortgage ? but this 
 is no time for discussion ; get into the chaise with me ; we'll 
 reach London in time for the mail ; to-morrow you can be 
 in Boulogne, and then we shall have time at least for an 
 arrangement.'' 
 
 "The race is just coming off! how can I leave? I'm a 
 steward : besides, I have a tremendous book. Do you know 
 how many thousands I stand to win here ? " 
 
 " To lose, you mean," said the solicitor. "You're sold ! " 
 The words were whispered so low as to be almost inaudible, 
 but Broughton actually staggered as he heard them. 
 
 " Sold ! how ? what ? impossible, man ! who could sell 
 me?" 
 
 "Only one man, perhaps; but he has done it! Is it true 
 you have backed Calliope ? " 
 
 " Yes ! " said he, staring wildly. 
 
 " She was found hamstrung this morning in the stable, 
 then," said Taperton ; " if you want to hear further particulars 
 you must ask your friend the Count Radchoffsky ! " 
 
 " The scoundrel ! the black-hearted villain ! I see it all ! " 
 cried Broughton. " Come, Taperton, let us start ! I'll go 
 with you ; by Jove, you have found a way to make me eager 
 for the road ! " 
 
 The lawyer read in the bloodshot eye, and flushed face, the 
 passion for vengeance that was boiling within him ; but ho 
 never spoke as they moved on and entered the carriage. 
 
 a
 
 82 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 It was full three hours before the expected time of his re- 
 turn, when the chaise in which they travelled drew up at the 
 Clarendon, and Broughton, half wild with rage, dashed up 
 stairs to the suite of splendid rooms he occupied. 
 
 " Oh dear, Sir Dudley ! " cried the maid, as she saw him 
 hastening along the corridor ; " oh, I'm sure, sir, how you'll 
 alarm my lady if she sees you so flurried ! " 
 
 " Stand out of the way, woman ! " said he, roughly, en- 
 deavouring to push her to one side, for she had actually placed 
 herself between him and the door of the drawing-room. 
 
 " Surely, sir, you'll not terrify my lady ! Surely, Sir 
 Dudley " 
 
 Despite her cries, for they had now become such, Broughton 
 pushed her rudely from the spot, and entered the room. 
 
 Great was his astonishment to find Lady Broughton, whom 
 he had left so ill, not only up, but dressed as if for the 
 promenade; her face was flushed, and her eye restless and 
 feverish ; and her whole manner exhibited the highest degree 
 of excitement. 
 
 Broughton threw down his hat upon the table, and then 
 returning to the door, locked and bolted it. 
 
 " Good heavens, Dudley ! " exclaimed she, in a voice of 
 terror. " What has happened ? " 
 
 "Everything!" said he ; "utter ruin! the whole crew of 
 creditors are in full chase after me, and in a few hours we 
 shall be stripped of all we possess." 
 
 She drew a long full breath as she listened ; and had her 
 husband been in a mood to mark it, he might have seen how 
 lightly his terrible tidings affected her. 
 
 "I must fly! Taperton, he's in the carriage below, says 
 France, at least for some weeks, till we can make some com- 
 promise or other ; but I have one debt that must be acquitted 
 before I leave." 
 
 There was a terrible significance in the words, and she was 
 sick to the heart as she asked, " What, and to whom ? " 
 
 " Radchoffsky ! " cried he, savagely ; " that scoundrel whom 
 I trusted like a brother ! " 
 
 Lady Broughton fell back, and for a moment her motion- 
 leas limbs, and pallid features, seemed like fainting ; but with 
 a tremendous effort rallying herself, she said, " Go on ! " 
 
 " He betrayed me ! told every circumstance of my book ! 
 and the mare I had backed for more than thirty thousand is 
 dying this instant ! so that I am not only ruined, but dis- 
 honoured ! " 
 
 She sat with wide staring eyes, and half open lips, while
 
 SIR DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 83 
 
 he spoke, nor did she seem, in the fearful confusion of her 
 fear, to understand fully all he said. 
 
 " Have I not spoken plainly ? " said he, angrily ; " don't 
 you comprehend me, when I say that to-morrow I shall be 
 branded as a defaulter at the settling? but enough of this. 
 Tell Millar to get a portmanteau ready for me. I'll start this 
 evening; the interval is short enough for all I have to do." 
 As he spoke, he hastened to his bedroom, and providing 
 himself with a case containing his duelling pistols, he hurried 
 downstairs ; ordering the postilion to drive to the Russian 
 Embassy. 
 
 The carriage was scarce driven from the door, when Lady 
 Broughton, taking a key from her pocket, opened a small 
 door which led from the drawing-room into her dressing-room, 
 from which the Count walked forth; — his calm features un- 
 ruffled and easy as though no emotion had ever stirred 
 them. 
 
 "You heard what Broughton said ?" whispered she, in an 
 accent of faltering agitation. 
 
 " Oui, parbleu, every word of it ! M replied he, laughing 
 gently. " The people of the house might almost have heard 
 him." 
 
 " And is it true ? " asked she, while a cold sickness crept 
 over her, and her mouth was shaken convulsively. 
 
 " I believe so," said he, calmly. 
 
 " Oh, Alexis, do not say so ! " cried she, in an agony of 
 grief; " or least of all, in such a voice as that." 
 
 He shrugged his shoulders, and then, after a moment's 
 
 DO ' • 
 
 pause, said, "I confess myself quite unprepared for this 
 show of affection, Madame " 
 
 " Not so, Alexis. It is for you I am concerned ; for your 
 honour as a gentleman ; for your fair fame among men " 
 
 " Pardon, Madame, if I interrupt you ; but the defence of 
 my honour must be left to myself " 
 
 " If I had but thought this of you — -" 
 
 " It is never too late for repentance, Madame. I should 
 be sorry to think I could deceive you." 
 
 " Oh, it is too late ! far too late ! " cried she, bursting into 
 tears. " Let us go! I must n .ver see him again! I would 
 not live over that last half-hour again to save me from a 
 death of torture !" 
 
 " Allow me, then," said he, taking her shawl, and draping 
 it on her shoulders. " The carriage is ready ;" and with 
 these words, spoken with perfect calm, he presented his arm 
 and led her from the room. 
 
 G 2
 
 84 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 To return to Sir Dudley. On arriving at the Russian 
 Embassy, he could learn nothing of the whereabouts of him 
 he sought ; a young secretary, however, with whom he had 
 some intimacy, drawing him to one side, whispered, " Wait 
 here a moment, I have a strange revelation to make you, but 
 in confidence, remember, for it must not get abroad." The 
 story was this : — Count Radchoffsky had been, on his recall 
 from the Embassy, detected in some Polish intrigue, and 
 ordered to absent himself from the capital, and preserve a 
 life of strict retirement, under police "surveillance;" from 
 this, he had managed to escape and reach England, with 
 forged credentials of Envoy Extraordinary ; the mission being 
 an invention of his own, to gain currency in the world, and 
 obtain for him loans of large sums from various houses in the 
 " City." " As he knows," continued Broughton's informant, 
 " from his former experience, the day of our courier's expected 
 arrival, he has up to this lived fearlessly and openly ; but the 
 despatch having reached us through the French cabinet sooner 
 than he expected, his plot is revealed. The great difficulty is 
 to avoid all publicity ; for we must have no magisterial inter- 
 ference, no newspaper or police notoriety ; all must be done 
 quietly, and he must be shipped off to Russia without a 
 rumour of the affair getting abroad." 
 
 Broughton heard all this with the dogged satisfaction of a 
 man who did not well know whether to be pleased or other- 
 wise, that an object of personal vengeance had been withdrawn 
 from him. 
 
 But not accustomed to dwell long on any subject where the 
 main interest of his own line of action was wanting, he drove 
 home to his hotel to hasten the preparations for his departure. 
 On his arrival at the Clarendon, a certain bustle and move- 
 ment in the hall and on the stairs attracted his attention, and 
 before he could inquire the cause, a half whisper, " There he 
 is; that's Sir Dudley?" made him turn round; the same 
 instant a heavy hand was laid on his shoulder, and a man 
 said, " I arrest you, Sir Dudley Broughton, at the suit of 
 Messrs. Worrit and Sneare, Lombard Street." 
 
 " Be calm ; don't make any resistance," whispered Taper- 
 ton in his ear ; " come upstairs." They passed on, and 
 entered the drawing-room, where everything appeared in 
 disorder. As for Broughton, he was bewildered and stupefied 
 by all he had gone through, and sat in a chair staring vacantly 
 at the groups around him, evidently unable, through the haze 
 of his disordered faculties, to see clearly how, and in what, 
 he was interested in the affair.
 
 SIR DUDLEY BOUGHTON. 85 
 
 "Where's my lady ?" whispered Taperton to the valet, who 
 stood almost as spellbound as his master. 
 
 " Gone, sir ; she's gone," said the man, in a faint voice. 
 
 " Gone where? scoundrel!" said Sir Dudley, jumping up 
 and seizing him by the throat with both hands, while he 
 roared out the words with a savage vehemence that startled 
 all the room. 
 
 "Gone away, Sir Dudley," said the half-choking man; " I 
 saw her drive off in a chaise and pair with Count Rad- 
 choffsky." 
 
 Broughton let go his hold, and fell heavily upon his face to 
 the ground. A surgeon was called in, who at once perceived 
 that the attack was one of apoplexy. For that night,- and 
 part of the next day, his recovery was almost hopeless ; for, 
 though repeatedly bled, he gave no signs of returning anima- 
 tion, but lay heaving, at intervals, long heavy sighs, and 
 respiring with an effort that seemed to shake the strong 
 frame in convulsions. 
 
 Youth and bold remedies, however, favoured him, and on 
 the third morning he awoke, weak and weary, like one who 
 had just reached convalescence after a long and terrible 
 fever. His features, his gestures, his very voice, were all 
 altered ; there was a debility about him — mental and physical 
 — that seemed like premature decay ; and they who knew 
 the bold high-spirited man of a few days before, could never 
 have recognized him in the simple-looking, vacant, and pur- 
 poseless invalid, who sat there, to all seeming, neither 
 noticing nor caring what happened around him. It is true, 
 indeed, few essayed the comparison. Of those who visited 
 him the greater number were creditors, curious to speculate 
 on his recovery ; there were a couple of reporters, too, lor 
 gossiping newspapers, desirous of coining a paragraph to 
 amuse the town ; but no friends — not a man of those who 
 dined, and drank, and drove, and played with him. In fact, 
 his fate was soon forgotten even in the very circles of which 
 he had been the centre ; nor did his name ever meet mention, 
 save in some stale report of a bankruptcy examination, or a 
 meeting of creditors to arrange for the liquidation of his 
 debts. 
 
 The wasteful, heedless extravagance of his mode of living, 
 was urged even to vindictiveness by his creditors ; so that foi 
 three years he remained a prisoner in the Fleet ; and it was 
 only when they saw he had no feeling of either shame or 
 regret at his imprisonment, that an arrangement was at last 
 agreed to, and he was liberated ; set free to mix in a world
 
 86 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 in which he had not one tie to bind, or one interest to attach 
 him! 
 
 From that hour forth none ever knew how far his memory 
 retained the circumstances of his past life ; he never certainly 
 mentioned them to any of those with whom he formed com- 
 panionship ; nor did he renew acquaintance with one among 
 his former friends. By great exertions on the part of his 
 lawyers, almost a thousand a year was secured to him from 
 the wreck of his great fortune, the proceeds of a small 
 estate that had belonged to his mother. 
 
 On this income he lived some time in total seclusion, when, 
 to the astonishment of all, he was again seen about town, in 
 company with men of the most equivocal character : noted 
 gamblers at hells, " Legs of Newmarket," and others, to whom 
 report attributed bolder and more daring feats of iniquity. 
 While it was a debated point among certain fashionables of 
 the clubs, how far he was to be recognized by them, he 
 saved them all the difficulty, by passing his most intimate 
 friends without a bow, or the slightest sign of recognition. 
 A stern repulsive frown never left his features ; and he whose 
 frank light-hearted buoyancy had been a proverb, was grave 
 and silent, rarely admitting anything like an intimacy, and 
 avoiding whatever could be called a friendship. 
 
 After a while he was missed from his accustomed haunts, 
 and it was said that he had purchased a yacht, and amused 
 himself by sea excursions. Then there came a rumour of his 
 being in the Carlist insurrection in Spain, some said with a 
 high command ; and afterwards he was seen in a French 
 voltigeur regiment serving in Africa. From all these varied 
 accidents of life, he came back to London, frequenting, as 
 before, the same play resorts, and betting sums whose amount 
 often trenched upon the limits of the bank. If, in his early 
 life, he was a constant loser, now he invariably won ; and he 
 was actually the terror of hell-keepers, whose superstitious 
 fears of certain " lucky ones ** are a well-known portion of 
 their creed. 
 
 As for himself, he seemed to take a kind of fiendish sport 
 in following up this new turn of fortune. It was like a 
 Nemesis on those who had worked his ruin ! One man in 
 particular, a well-known Jew money-lender, of great wealth, 
 he pursued with all the vindictive perseverance of revenge. 
 He tracked him from London to Brighton, to Cheltenham, to 
 Leamington, to Newmarket, to Goodwood; he followed him 
 to Paris, to Brussels ; wherever in any city the man opened a 
 table for play there was Broughton sure to be found.
 
 SIR DUDLEY BROUGHTON. 87 
 
 At last, by way of eluding all pursuit, the Jew went over to 
 Ireland — a country where of all others fewest resources for 
 his traffic presented themselves ; and here again, despite 
 change of name, and every precaution of secrecy, Broughton 
 traced him out; and, on the night when I first met him, he 
 was on his return from a hell on the Quays, where he had 
 broken the bank, and arisen a winner of above two thousand 
 pounds. 
 
 The peculiar circumstances of that night's adventure are 
 easily told. He was followed from the play-table by two 
 men, witnesses of his good fortune, who saw that he carried 
 the entire sum on his person ; and from his manner — a ieint 
 I found he often assumed — they believed him to be drunk. A 
 row was accordingly organized at the closing of the play, the 
 lights were extinguished, and a terrible scene of tumult and 
 outrage ensued, whose sole object was to rob Broughton of 
 his winnings. 
 
 After a desperate struggle, in which he received the wound 
 I have mentioned, he escaped by leaping from a window into 
 the street, a feat too daring for his assailants to imitate. The 
 remainder is already known ; and I have only again to ask 
 my reader's indulgent pardon for this long episode, without 
 which, however, I felt I could not have asked his companion* 
 ship on board the Firefly*
 
 88 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 " THE VOYAGE OUT." 
 
 The crew of tlie Firefly consisted of twelve persons, natives 
 of almost as many countries. Indeed to see them all muster 
 on deck, it was like a little congress of European rascality — 
 such a set of hang-dog, sullen, reckless wretches were they. 
 Halkett, the Englishman, being the only one whose features 
 were not a criminal indictment, and he, with his nose split 
 by the slash of a cutlass, was himself no beauty. The most 
 atrocious of all, however, was a Moorish boy, about thirteen 
 years of age, called El Jarasch (the fiend), and whose diabo- 
 lical ugliness did not belie the family name. His functions 
 on board were to feed and take care of two young lion whelps, 
 which Sir Dudley had brought with him from an excursion 
 in the interior of Africa. Whether from his blood, or the 
 nature of his occupation, I know not, but I certainly could 
 trace in his features all the terrible traits of the creatures he 
 tended. The wide distended nostrils, the bleared and blood- 
 shot eyes, the large full-lipped mouth, drawn back by the 
 strong muscles at its angles, and the great swollen vessels of 
 the forehead, were developed in him, as in the wild beasts. 
 He imitated the animals, too, in all his gestures, which were 
 sudden and abrupt ; the very way he ate, tearing his food and 
 rending it in fragments, like a prey, showed the type he 
 followed. His dress was handsome, almost gorgeous ; a white 
 tunic of thin muslin reached to the knees, over which he 
 wore a scarlet cloth jacket, open, and without sleeves — this 
 was curiously slashed and laced, by a wonderful tissue of gold 
 thread, so delicately traceried as to bear the most minute 
 examination ; a belt of burnished gold, like a succession • of 
 clasps, supported a small scimitar, whose scabbard of ivory 
 and gold was of exquisite workmanship, the top of the handle 
 being formed by a single emerald of purest colour ; his legs 
 were bare, save at the ankles, where two rings of massive 
 gold encircled them ; on his feet he wore a kind of embroidered 
 slippers, curiously studded with precious stones. A white 
 turban of muslin, delicately sprigged with gold, covered his 
 head, looped in front by another large emerald, which glared 
 and sparkled like an eye in the centre of his forehead.
 
 89 
 
 This was his gala costume ; but his every-day one resembled 
 it in everything, save the actual value of the material. Such 
 was El Jarasch, who was to be my companion and my 
 messmate, a fact which seemed to afford small satisfaction 
 to either of us. 
 
 Nothing could less resemble his splendour than the sim- 
 plicity of my costume. Halkett, when ordered to " rig me 
 out," not knowing what precise place I was to occupy on 
 board, proceeded to dress me from the kit of the sailor we 
 had left behind in Dublin; and although, by rolling up the 
 sleeves of my jacket, and performing the same office for the 
 legs of my trousers, my hands and feet could be rendered 
 available to me, no such ready method could prevent the 
 clothes bagging around me in every absurd superfluity, and 
 making me appear more like a stunted monster than a human 
 being. Beside my splendidly costumed companion I made, 
 indeed, but a sorry figure, nor was it long dubious that he 
 himself thought so ; the look of savage contempt he first- 
 bestowed on me, and then the gaze of ineffable pleasure he 
 accorded to himself afterwards, having a wide interval be- 
 tween them. Neither did it improve my condition, in his 
 eyes, that I could lay claim to no distinct duty on board. 
 While I was ruminating on this fact, the morning after I 
 joined the yacht, we were standing under easy sail, with a 
 bright sky and a calm sea, the south-eastern coast of Ireland 
 on our lee, the heaving swell of the blue water, the fluttering 
 bunting from gaff and peak, the joyous bounding motion, 
 were all new and inspirating sensations, and I was congratu- 
 lating myself on the change a few hours had wrought in my 
 fortune, when Halkett came to tell me that Sir Dudley wanted 
 to speak with me in his cabin. He was lounging on a little 
 sofa when I entered, in a loose kind of dressing gown, and 
 before him stood the materials of his yet untasted breakfast. 
 The first effect of my appearance was a burst of laughter, and 
 although there is nothing I have ever loved better to hear 
 than a hearty laugh, his was not of a kind to inspire any very 
 pleasant or mirthful sensations. It was a short, husky, bark- 
 ing noise, with derision and mockery in every cadence of it. 
 
 " What the devil have we here ? Why, boy, you'd disgrace 
 a stone lighter at Sheerness. Who rigged you in that fashion ?" 
 
 "Mr. Halkett, sir." 
 
 " Halkett, if you please ; I know no ' misters ' among my 
 crew. Well, this must be looked to ; but Halkett might have 
 known better than to send you here in such a guise." 
 
 I made no answer ; and, apparently, for some minutes, he
 
 90 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 forgot all about me, and busied himself in a large chart, 
 •which covered the table. At last he looked up ; and then, 
 after a second or two spent in recalling me to his recollection, 
 said, ; ' Oh, you're the lad I took up last night ; very true ; I 
 wanted to speak with you. What can you do, besides what 
 I have seen, for I trust surgery is an art we shall seldom find 
 use for — can you cook ? " 
 
 I was ashamed to say that I could boil potatoes, and fry 
 rashers, which were all my culinary gifts, and so I replied, 
 that " 1 could not." 
 
 " Have you never been in any service, or any kind of em- 
 ployment ? " 
 
 "Never, sir." 
 
 " Always a vagabond ? " 
 
 " Always, sir." 
 
 " Well, certes, I have the luck of it ! " said he, with one of 
 his low laughs. " It is, perhaps, all the better. Come, my 
 boy, it does not seem quite clear to me what we can make of 
 you ; we have no time, nor, indeed, any patience for making 
 sailors of striplings ; we always prefer the ready-made article, 
 but you must pick up what you can ; keep your watches when 
 onboard, and when w r e go ashore, anywhere, you shall be my 
 scout ; therefore, don't throw away your old rags, but be 
 ready to resume them when wanted — you hear ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 " So far ! Now, the next thing is, and it is right you should 
 know it, though I keep a yacht for my pleasure and amuse- 
 ment, I sometimes indulge myself in a little smuggling — 
 which is also a pleasure and amusement — and, therefore, my 
 people are liable, if detected, to be sentenced to a smart term 
 of imprisonment — not that this has yet happened to any of 
 them, but it may, you know — so it is only fair to warn you." 
 
 "I'll take my chance with the rest, sir." 
 
 " Well said, boy ! There are other little ventures, too, 
 I sometimes make, but you'd not understand them, so we need 
 not refer to them. Now, as to the third point — discipline. 
 So long as you are on board, I expect obedience in every- 
 thing ; that you agree with your messmates, and never tell a 
 lie. On shore, you may cut each other's throats to your 
 heart's content. Remember, then, the lesson is easy enough ; 
 if you quarrel with your comrades I'll flog you ; if you ever 
 deceive me by an untruth, I'll blow your brains out ! " The 
 voice in which he spoke these last few words grew harsher 
 and louder ; and, at the end, it became almost a shout of 
 angry denunciation.
 
 " THE VOYAGE OUT." 91 
 
 " For your private governance, I may say, you'll find it 
 wise to be good friends with Halkett, and, if you can, with 
 Jarasch. Go now, I've nothing more to say." 
 
 I was about to retire, when he called me back. 
 
 " Stay ! you've said nothing to me, nor have I to you, 
 about your wages." 
 
 " I want none, sir. It is enough for me if I am provided 
 in all money could buy for me." 
 
 "No deceit, sir ! No trickery with me! " cried he, fiercely 
 and he glared savagely at me. 
 
 "It is not deceit nor trick either," said I, boldly, "but I 
 see, sir, it is not likely you'll ever trust one whom you saw in 
 the humble condition you found me. Land me, then, at the 
 first port you put in to. Leave me to follow out my fortune 
 my own way." 
 
 " What, if I take you at your word," said he, " and leave 
 you among the red Moors, on the coast of Barbary ? " 
 
 I hung my head in shame and dismay. 
 
 " Ay, or dropped you with the Tongo chiefs, who'd grill 
 you for breakfast?" 
 
 " But we are nigh England now, sir." 
 
 "We shall not long be so," cried he, joyfully. "If this 
 breeze last, you'll see Cape Clear by sunrise, and not look on 
 it again at sunset. There, away with you ! Tell Halkett I 
 desire that you should be mustered with the rest of the 
 fellows, learn the use of a cutlass, and to load a pistol with- 
 out blowing your fingers off." 
 
 He motioned me now to leave, and I withdrew, if I must 
 own it, only partially pleased with my new servitude. One 
 word here to explain my conduct, which, perhaps, in the eves 
 of some, may appear inconsistent or improbable. It may be 
 deemed strange and incomprehensible why I, poor, friendless, 
 and low-born, should have been indifferent, even to the refusal 
 of all wages. The fact is this : I had set out upon my " life pil- 
 grimage " with a most firm conviction that one day or other, 
 sooner or later, I should be a " gentleman ; " that I should 
 mix on terms of equality with the best and the highest, not a 
 trace or a clue to my former condition being in any respect 
 discoverable. Now, with this one paramount object before 
 me, all my endeavours were gradually to conform, so far as 
 might be, all my modes of thought and action to that sphere 
 wherein yet I should move. To learn, one by one, the usages 
 of gentle blood, so that, when my hour came, I should step 
 into my position ready suited to all its requirements, and 
 equal to all its demands. If this explanation does not make
 
 92 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 clear the reasons of my generosity, and my other motives of 
 honourable conduct, I am sorry for it, for I have none other 
 to offer. 
 
 I have said that I retired from my interview with Sir 
 Dudley not at all satisfied with the result. Indeed, as I 
 pondered over it, I could not help feeling that gentlemen 
 must dislike any traits of high and honourable motives in 
 persons of my own station, as though they were assuming 
 the air of their betters. What could rags have in common 
 with generous impulses — how could poverty and hunger ever 
 consort with high sentiments or noble aspirations ? They 
 forgive us, thought I, when we mimic their dress, and panto- 
 mime their demeanour, because we only make ourselves ridi- 
 culous by the imitation ; but when we would assume the 
 features that regulate their own social intercourse they hate 
 us, as though we sullied, with our impure touch, the virtues 
 of a higher class of beings. 
 
 The more I thought over this subject, the more strongly 
 was I satisfied that I was correct in my judgment; and, sooth 
 to say, the less did I respect that condition in life which could 
 deem any man too poor to be high-minded. 
 
 Sir Dudley's anticipations were all correct. The following 
 evening at sunset the great head-lands of the south of Ireland 
 were seen, at first, clear, and, at last, like hazy fog-banks ; 
 while our light vessel scudded along, her prow pointing to 
 where the sun had just set, behind the horizon, and then did 
 I learn that we were bound for North America. 
 
 Our voyage for some weeks was undistinguished by any 
 feature of unusual character. The weather was uniformly 
 fine ; steady breezes from the north-east, with a clear sky and 
 a calm sea, followed us as we went, so that, in the pleasant 
 monotony of our lives, one day exactly resembled another. 
 It will, therefore, suffice if, in a few words, I tell how the 
 hours were passed. Sir Dudley came on deck after break- 
 fast, when I spread out a large white bear's skin for him to 
 lie upon ; reclined on which, and with a huge meerschaum of 
 great beauty in his hand, he smoked and watched the lions at 
 play. These gambols were always amusing, and never failed 
 to assemble all the crew to witness them. Jarasch, dressed 
 in a light woollen tunic, with legs, arms, and neck bare, led 
 them forth by a chain ; and, after presenting them to Sir 
 Dudley, from whose hands they usually received a small 
 piece of sugar, they were then set at liberty, a privilege they 
 soon availed themselves of, setting off at full speed around 
 the deck, sometimes one in pursuit of the other, sometimes
 
 " THE VOYAGE OUT." 93 
 
 by different ways, crossing and recrossing each other ; now, 
 with a bold spring, now, with cat-like stealthiness, creeping 
 slowly past. The exercise, far from fatiguing, seemed only 
 to excite them more and more, since all this time they were 
 in search of the food which Jarasch, with a cunning all 
 his own, knew how, each day, to conceal in some new fashion. 
 Baffled and irritated by delay, the eyes grew red and lus- 
 truous, the tails stiffened, and were either carried high over 
 the back or extended straight backwards ; they contracted 
 their necks too, till the muscles were gathered up in thick 
 massive folds, and then their great heads seemed actually 
 fastened on the fore part of the trunk. When their rage 
 had been sufficiently whetted by delay, Jarasch would bring 
 forth the mess in a large " grog tub," covered with a massive 
 lid, on which seating himself, and armed with a short stout 
 bludgeon, he used to keep the beasts at bay. This, which 
 was the most exciting part of the spectacle, presented every 
 possible variety of combat. Sometimes he could hold them 
 in check for nigh half-an-hour, sometimes the struggle would 
 scarce last five minutes. Now, he would, by a successful 
 stroke, so intimidate one of his assailants that he could 
 devote all his energies against the other. Now, by a simul- 
 taneous attack, the savage creatures would spring upon, and 
 overthrow him, and then, with all the semblance of ungo- 
 vernable passion, they would drag him some distance along 
 the deck, mouthing him with frothy lips, and striking him 
 about the head with their huge paws, from which they would 
 not desist till some of the sailors, uncovering the mess, would 
 tempt them off by the savour of the food. Although, in 
 general, these games passed off with little other damage than 
 a torn tunic, or a cruise more or less severe, at others Jarasch 
 would be so sorely mauled as to be carried off insensible ; 
 nor would he again be seen for the remainder of the day. 
 That the combat was not quite devoid of peril was clear, by 
 the fact that several of the sailors were always armed, some 
 with staves, others with cutlasses, since, in the event of a 
 bite, and blood flowing,' nothing but immediate and prompt 
 aid could save the boy from being devoured. This he knew 
 well, and the exercises were always discontinued whenever 
 the slightest cut, or even a scratch existed in any part of his 
 person. Each day seemed to heighten the excitement of 
 these exhibitions ; for, as Jarasch became more skilful in his 
 defence, so did the whelps in the mode of attack ; besides 
 that, their growth advanced with incredible rapidity, and 
 soon threatened to make the amusement no longer prac-
 
 Q4 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 ticable. This display over, Sir Dudley played at chess -with 
 Halkett, while I, seated behind him, read aloud some book — 
 usually one of voyages and travels. In the afternoon he 
 went below, and studied works in some foreign language of 
 which he appeared most eager to acquire a knowledge, and I 
 was then ordered to copy out, into a book, various extracts of 
 different routes in all parts of the world; sometimes, the 
 mode of crossing a Syrian desert ; now the shortest and 
 safest way through the wild regions on the shores of the 
 Adriatic. At one time the theme would be the steppes of 
 Tartary, or the snowy plains of the Ukraine ; at another, the 
 dangerous passes of the Cordilleras, or the hunting grounds 
 of the Mandans. What delightful hours were these to me ; 
 how full of the very highest interest ; the wildest adventures 
 were here united with narratives of real events and people ; 
 presenting human life in aspects the strangest and most 
 varied. How different from my old clerkship with my 
 father — with the interminable string of bastard and broken 
 law Latin ! I believe that in all my after-life, fortunate as it 
 has been in so many respects, I have never passed hours 
 more happy than these were. 
 
 In recompence for my secretarial functions, I was free of 
 the middle watch ; so that, instead of turning into my berth 
 at sun-down, to snatch some sleep before midnight, I could 
 lounge about at will ; sometimes dropping into the steerage 
 to listen to some seaman's " yarn " of storm and shipwreck, 
 but far oftener, book in hand, taking a lesson in French 
 from the old cook, for which I paid him in being " aide-de- 
 cuisine ;" or, with more hardy industry, assisting our fat 
 German mate to polish up his Regensburg pistols, by which 
 I made some progress in that tongue of harsh and mysterious 
 gutturals. 
 
 Through all these occupations, the thought never left me 
 — what could be the object of Sir Dudley's continued 
 voyaging ? No feature of pleasure was certainly associated 
 with it, as little could it be attributed to the practice of 
 smuggling — the very seas he had longest cruised in forbade 
 that notion. It must be, thought I, that other reason to 
 which he so darkly alluded on the <iay he called me to his 
 cabin ; and what could that be ? Never was ingenuity more 
 tortured than mine by this ever-recurring question. Since 
 it is needless to tell the reader I was not then, nor indeed lor 
 a very long time afterwards, acquainted with those par- 
 ticulars of his history I have already jotted down. This 
 intense curiosity of mine would, doubtless, have worn itself
 
 95 
 
 out at last, bat for a slight circumstance occurring to keep 
 it still alive within me. The little state-room in which I 
 used to write lay at one side of the cabin, from which it was 
 entered — no other means of getting to it existing ; a heavy 
 silk curtain supplied the place of a door between the two ; 
 and this, when four o'clock came, and my day's work was 
 finished, was let down till the following morning, when it was 
 drawn aside that Sir Dudley, from time to time, mi^ht see, 
 and, if needful, speak with me. Now, one day, when we had 
 been about three weeks at sea, the weather being intensely 
 hot and sultry, Sir Dudley had fallen asleep in his cabin 
 while I sat writing away vigorously within. Suddenly, I 
 heard a shout on deck — " The whales ! a shoal of whales 
 a-head!" and immediately the sudden scuffling of feet, and 
 the heavy hum of voices proclaimed the animation and 
 interest the sight created. I strained myself to peep through 
 the little one-paned window beside me, but all I could see 
 was the great blue heaving ocean, as, in majestic swell, it 
 rolled along. Still the noise continued ; and, by the number 
 and tone of the speakers, I could detect that all the crew 
 were on deck — every one, in fact, save myself. What a dis- 
 appointment ! full as my mind was of every monster of land 
 and water; burning to observe some of the wonderful 
 things I had read so much about, and now destined actually 
 to be denied a sight on which my comrades were then 
 gazing ! I could endure the thought no longer, and although 
 my task was each morning allotted to me, and carefully 
 examined the next day by Sir Dudley, I stepped lightly out 
 on tip-toe, and letting fall the curtain so that if he awoke I 
 should not be missed, I stole up " the companion," and 
 reached the deck. 
 
 What a sight was there ! the whole sea around us was in 
 motion with the great monsters, who, in pursuit of a shoal 
 of herrings, darted at speed through the blue water — 
 spouting, blowing, and tossing in all the wildest confusion ; 
 here every eye was bent on a calm still spot in the water, 
 where a whale had " sounded " — that is, gone down quite 
 straight into the depths of the sea; here, another was seen 
 scarcely covered by the water, his monstrous head and back 
 alternately dipping below, or emerging above it ; harpoons 
 and tackle were sought out, firearms loaded, and every pre- 
 paration for attack and capture made, but none dared to ven- 
 ture without orders, nor was any hardy enough to awake 
 him and ask for them. Perhaps the very expectancy on our 
 part increased the interest, for certainly the excitement of-
 
 96 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 the scene was intense ; so much so, that I actually forgot all 
 about my task, and, without a thought of consequences, was 
 hanging eagerly over the taffrail in full enjoyment of the 
 wild scene, when the tinkle of the captain's bell started me, 
 and to my horror I remembered it was now his dinner hour, 
 and that, for the rest of the day, no opportunity would offer 
 of my reaching the state-room to finish my writing. 
 
 I was so terrified that I lost all interest in the spectacle, 
 whereof, up to that time, my mind was full. It was my first 
 delinquency, and had all the poignancy of a first fault. 
 The severity I had seen practised on others, for even slight 
 infractions of duty, was all before me, and I actually debated 
 with myself whether it would not be better to jump over- 
 board at once than meet the anger of Sir Dudley. With 
 any one else, perhaps, I should have bethought me of some 
 cunning lie to account for my absence, but he had warned 
 me about trying to deceive him, and I well knew he could 
 be as good as his word. I had no courage to tell any of 
 the sailors my fault, and ask their advice ; indeed, I antici- 
 pated what would be the result ; some brutal jest over my 
 misfortune, some coarse allusion to the fate they had often 
 told me portended me, since " no younker had ever gone from 
 land to land with Sir Dudley without tasting his hemp frit- 
 ters." I sat down, therefore, beside the bowsprit, where none 
 should see me, to commune alone with my grief; and, if I 
 could, to summon up courage to meet my fate. 
 
 Night had closed in some time, and all was tranquil on 
 board, when I saw Halkett, as was his custom, going aft to 
 the cabin, where he always remained for an hour or more 
 each evening. It was just then, I know not how the notion 
 occurred, but it struck me that if I could lower myself over the 
 side, I might be able to creep through the little window into the 
 state-room, and carry away the paper to finish it before morning. 
 I lost little time in setting about my plot, and having made 
 fast a rope to one of the clues, I lowered myself, fearlessly, 
 over the gunwale, and pushing open the little sash, which 
 was unfastened, I soon managed to insert my head and 
 shoulders, and without any difficulty dragging my body slowly 
 after, entered the state-room. So long as the danger of the 
 enterprize, and its difficulty lasted, so long my courage was 
 high, and my heart fearless ; but when I sat down in the 
 little dark room, scarcely venturing to breathe, lest I should 
 be overheard, almost afraid to touch the papers on the table, 
 lest their rustling noise should betray me, how was this terror 
 increased, when I. actually heard the voices of Sir Dudley
 
 1 THE VOYAGE OUT." 97 
 
 and Halkett as plainly as though I were in the cabin beside/ 
 them ! 
 
 "And so, Halkett," said Sir Dudley, "you think this ex- 
 pedition will be as fruitless as the others ? " 
 
 " I do, sir," said the other, in a low, dogged tone. 
 
 "And yet you were the very man who encouraged me to 
 make it! " 
 
 "And what of that! Of two things, I thought it more 
 likely that he should be the leader of a band to a regiment in 
 Canada, than be a Faquino on the Mole of Genoa. A fellow 
 like him could scarcely fall so low as that." 
 
 "He shall fall lower, by heaven, if I live ! " said Sir Dud- 
 ley, in a voice rendered guttural with deep passion. 
 
 " Take care you fall not with him, sir," said Halkett, in a 
 tone of warning. 
 
 " And if I should — for what else have I lived these three 
 last years ? In that pursuit have I periled health and life, 
 satisfied to lose both if I but succeed at last." 
 
 " And how do you mean to proceed ? for, assuredly if he 
 be attached to the regiment at Kingstown he'll hear of you, 
 from some source or other. You remember, when we all but 
 had him at Torlosk, and yet he heard of our coming before 
 we got two posts from Warsaw ; and again, at ' Forli,' we 
 had scarce dropped anchor off Rimini when he was up and 
 away." 
 
 "I'll go more secretly to work this time, Halkett: hitherto 
 I have been slow to think the fellow a coward. It is so hard 
 to believe anything so base, as a man bereft of every trait of 
 virtue : now I see clearly that he is so. I'll track him, not 
 to offer him the chances of a duel — but to hunt him down as 
 I would a wild beast. I'll proceed up the river in the disguise 
 of an itinerant merchant, — one of those pedlar fellows of 
 which this land is full, — taking the Irish dog along with me." 
 
 " Of whom, remember, you know nothing, sir," interposed 
 Halkett. 
 
 " Nor need to know," said he, impatient at the interruption. 
 " Let him play me false ; let me only suspect that he means 
 it, and my reckoning with him will be short. I have watched 
 him closely of late, and I see the fellow's curiosity is excited 
 about us ; he is evidently on the alert to learn something of 
 our object in this voyage ; but the day he gains the know- 
 ledge, Tom, will be his last to enjoy it. It is a cheap process 
 if we are at sea — a dark night and an eighteen-pound shot ! 
 If on shore, I'll readily find some one to take the trouble 
 off my hands." 
 
 H
 
 98 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 It may be imagined with what a sensation of terror I 
 heard these words, feeling that my actual position at the 
 moment would have decided my fate, if discovered ; and 
 yet, with all this, I could not stir, nor make an effort to 
 leave the spot ; a fascination to hear the remainder of the 
 conversation had thoroughly bound me as by a spell ; and in 
 breathless anxiety I listened, as Sir Dudley resumed. 
 
 " You, with Hecken stein and the Greek, must follow, ready 
 to assist me when I need your aid ; for my plan is this : I 
 mean to entice the fellow, on pretence of a pleasure excur- 
 sion, a few miles from the town, into the bush, there to bind 
 him hand and foot, and convey him, by the forest tracks, to 
 the second * portage,' where the batteaux are stationed, by 
 one of which — these Canadian fellows are easily bribed — we 
 shall drop down to Montreal, there the yacht shall be in wait- 
 ing all ready for sea. Even without a wind, three days will 
 bring us off the Island of Orleans, and as many more, if we 
 be but fortunate, to the Gulf. The very worst that can 
 happen is discovery and detection, and if that ensue, I'll 
 blow his brains out." 
 
 " And if we succeed in carrying him off, Sir Dudley, what 
 then?" 
 
 11 1 have not made up my mind, Halkett, what I'll do. 
 I've thought of a hundred schemes of vengeance ; but, con- 
 found it, I must be content with one only, though fifty deaths 
 would not satisfy my hate." 
 
 "I'd put a bullet through his skull, or swing him from the 
 yard-arm, and make an end of it," said Halkett, roughly. 
 
 " Not I, faith ; he shall live ; and, if I can have my will, 
 a long life too. His own government would take charge 
 of him at ' Irkutsk,' for that matter at the quicksilver 
 mines ; and they say the diseased bones, from the absorption 
 of that poison, is a terrible punishment. But I have a better 
 notion still. Do you remember that low island off the east 
 shore of the Niger, where the negro fellows live in log huts, 
 threshing the water all day, to keep the caymans from the 
 rice-grounds." 
 
 "The devil!" exclaimed Halkett, "you'll not put him 
 there." 
 
 " I have thought of it very often," said Sir Dudley, calmly. 
 " He'd see his doom before him every day, and dream of it 
 each night too. One cannot easily forget that horrid swamp, 
 alive and moving with those reptiles ! It was nigh two months 
 ere I could fall asleep at night without starting up in terror 
 at the thought of them." Sir Dudley arose as he said this,
 
 99 
 
 and walked the cabin with impatient steps ; sometimes as he 
 passed his arm would graze the curtain, and shake its folds, 
 and then my heart leaped to my mouth in very terror. At 
 last, with an effort, that I felt as the last chance of life, I 
 secured the papers in my bosom, and, standing up on the 
 seat, crept through the window, and, after a second's delay to 
 adjust the rope, clambered up the side, and gained the deck 
 unobserved. It could not have been real fatigue, for there 
 was little or no exertion in the feat ; but yet such was my 
 state of exhaustion that I crept over to the boat that was 
 fastened midships, and lying down in her, on a coil of cable, 
 slept soundly till morning. If my boyish experiences had 
 familiarised my mind with schemes of vengeance as terrible 
 as ever fiction fabricated, I had yet to learn that " gentlemen" 
 cherished such feelings, and I own the discovery gave me a 
 tremendous shock. That some awful debt of injury was on 
 Sir Dudley's mind was clear enough, and that I was to be, in 
 some capacity or other, an aid to him in acquitting it, was a 
 fact I was more convinced of than pleased at. Neither did I 
 fancy his notions of summary justice — perhaps it was my 
 legal education had prejudiced me in favour of more formal 
 proceedings ; but I saw, with a most constitutional horror, the 
 function of justice, jury, and executioner, in the hands of 
 one single individual. 
 
 So impressed was I with these thoughts, that had I not 
 been on the high seas, I should inevitably have run for it. 
 Alas, however, the banks of Newfoundland — which, after all 
 I had heard mentioned on our voyage, I imagined to be grassy 
 slopes, glittering with daises, and yellow with daffodils — are 
 but sand heaps, some two hundred fathoms down in " the 
 ocean blue ; " and all one ever knows of them is, the small 
 geological specimens brought up on the tallowed end of the 
 deep sea-lead. Escape, therefore, was for the present out of the 
 question ; but the steady determination to attempt it was 
 spared me, by a circumstance that occurred about a week 
 later. 
 
 After some days of calm, common enough in these latitudes, 
 a slight but steady breeze set in from the north-east which 
 bore us up the Gruif with easy sail, till we came in sight of 
 the long low island of Anticosti, which, like some gigantic 
 monster, raises its dark misshapen beach above the water. 
 Not the slightest trace of foilage or vendure to give it a 
 semblance to the aspect of land ! Two dreary-looking log- 
 houses, about eighteen miles apart, remind one that a refuge 
 for the shipwrecked is deemed necessary in this dangerous 
 
 H 2
 
 100 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 channel ; but, except these, not a trace exists to show that 
 the foot of man had trod that dreary spot. 
 
 The cook's galley is sure to have its share of horrors when 
 a ship " lies to " near this gloomy shore ; scarcely a crew 
 exists where some one belonging to it has not had a messmate 
 wrecked there ; and then, the dreadful narratives of starva- 
 tion, and strife, and murders, were too fearful to dwell on. 
 Among the horrors recorded on every hand all agreed in 
 speaking of a terrible character who had never quitted the 
 island for upwards of forty years. He was a sailor who had 
 committed a murder under circumstances of great atrocity, 
 and dared not revisit the mainland, for fear of the penalty 
 of his guilt. Few had ever seen him ; for years back, indeed, 
 he had not been met with at all, and rumour said that he 
 was dead. Still no trace of his body could be found, and 
 some inclined to the opinion that he might at last have made 
 his escape. 
 
 He was a negro, and was described as possessing the 
 strength of three or four men ; and although the proverbial 
 exaggeration of sailors might, and very probably did, colour 
 these narratives, the sad fate of more than one party who 
 had set out to capture him, gave the stories a terrible air of 
 truth. The fear of him was such, that although very liberal 
 terms had been offered to induce men to take up their abode 
 in the island to succour the crews of wrecked vessels, none 
 could be found to accept the post ; and even at the period 
 when I visited these seas, and after a long lapse of years since 
 the Black Boatswain had been seen, no one would venture. 
 
 The story went that his ghost still wandered there, and 
 that at night, when the storm was high, and the waves of the 
 Gulf sent the spray over that low and dreary island, his cries 
 could be heard, calling aloud to " shorten sail, to brace round 
 the yards, close the hatchways," mingled with blasphemies 
 that made the very hair stand on end. 
 
 If the reader, armed with the triple mail of incredulity, so 
 snugly ensconsced in his easy chair, before a sea-coal fire, can 
 afford to scoff at such perils, not so did I, as I sat in a 
 corner of the galley gathering with greedy ears the horrors 
 that fell on every side, and now and then stealing out to cast 
 a glance over the bulwarks at the long low bank of sand, 
 which seemed more like an exhalation from the water than a 
 solid mass of rock and shingle. 
 
 I have said that a feeling of rivalry existed between the 
 Moorish boy, El Jarasch and myself, and although I endured 
 the scoffs and sneers at first with a humility my own humble
 
 101 
 
 garb and anomalous position enforced, I soon began to feel 
 more confidence in myself, and that species of assurance a 
 becoming dress seems somehow to inspire ; for I was now 
 attired like the rest of the crew, and wore the name of the 
 yacht in gold letters on my cap, as well as on the breast of 
 my waistcoat. 
 
 The hatred of El Jarasch increased with every day, and 
 mutual scoffs and gibes were the only intercourse between us. 
 More than once, Halkett, who had always befriended me, 
 warned me of the boy, and said that his Moorish blood was sure 
 to make his vengeance felt ; but I only laughed at his caution, 
 and avowed myself ready to confront him when and however 
 he pleased. Generosity was little wasted on either side, so 
 that when one day, in a fierce encounter with the lions, El 
 Jarasch received a fall which broke one of his ribs, and was 
 carried in a state of insensibility to his berth, I neither pitied 
 him nor regretted his misfortune. I affected even to say that 
 his own cowardice had rendered the creatures more daring, 
 and that had he preserved a bolder front the mischance would 
 have never occurred. These vauntings of mine, coupled with 
 an avowed willingness to take his place, came to Sir Dudley's 
 ears on the third evening after the accident, and he imme- 
 diately sent for me to his cabin. 
 
 " Is it true, sirrah ? " said he, in a harsh unpleasant voice, 
 " that you have been jesting about Jarasch, and saying that 
 you were ready to take charge of the whelps in his stead ? " 
 
 " It is," said I, answering both questions together. 
 
 " You shall do so to-morrow, then," replied he, solemnly ; 
 " take care that you can do something, as well as boast ! " 
 and with this he motioned me to leave the cabin. 
 
 I at once repaired to the steerage to report my interview 
 to the men, who were all more friendly with me than with the 
 " Moor." Many were the counsels I received about how I 
 should conduct myself the next morning; some asserting 
 that, as it was my first time, I. could not be too gentle with 
 the animals, avoiding the slightest risk of hurting them, and 
 even suffering their rough play without any effort to check 
 it. Others, on the contrary, advised me at once to seek the 
 mastery over the beasts, and by two or three severe lessons 
 to teach them caution if not respect. This counsel, I own, 
 chimed in with my own notions, and also better accorded 
 with what, after my late vauntings, I felt to be my duty. 
 
 It was altogether a very anxious night with me, not exactly 
 through fear, because I knew, as the men were always ready 
 with their arms loaded, life could not be perilled, and I did
 
 102 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 not dread the infliction of a mere sprain or fracture ; but I 
 felt it was an ordeal wherein my fame was at stake. Were I 
 to acquit myself well, there would be an end for ever of those 
 insulting airs of superiority the Moorish boy had assumed 
 towards me. Whereas, if I failed, I must consent to bear 
 his taunts and sarcasms without a murmur. 
 
 In one point only the advice of all the crew agreed, which 
 was, that the female cub, much larger, and more ferocious 
 than the male, should more particularly demand my watch- 
 fulness. " If she scratch you, boy, mind that you desist," 
 said an old Danish sailor, who had been long on the African 
 coast. This caution was re-echoed by all, and resolving to 
 follow its dictates, I " turned in " to my hammock, to dream 
 of combats and battles till morning. 
 
 I was early astir, — waking with a sudden start, — I had 
 been dreaming of a lion-hunt, and fancied I heard the deep- 
 mouthed roaring of the beasts in a jungle ; and, true enough, 
 a low monotonous howl came from the place where the 
 animals lay, for it was now the fourth morning of their being 
 confined without having been once at liberty. 
 
 I had just completed my dressing — the costume was simply 
 a short pair of loose trousers, hands, arms, and feet bare, and 
 a small Fez cap on my head, — when Halkett came down to 
 me to say that he had been speaking to Sir Dudley about the 
 matter, and that as I had never yet accustomed myself to the 
 whelps, it was better that I should not begin the acquaint- 
 ance after they had been four days in durance. " At the 
 same time," added Halkett, " he gives you the choice; you 
 can venture if you please," 
 
 "I've made up my mind," said I. "I'm sure I'm able 
 for anything the black fellow can do." 
 
 " My advice to you, boy," said he, " is to leave them alone. 
 Those Moorish chaps are the creatures' countrymen, and 
 have almost the same kind of natures — they are stealthy, 
 treacherous, and cruel. They never trust anything — man or 
 beast ! " 
 
 " No matter ! " said I. " I'm as strong as he is, and my 
 courage is not less." 
 
 " If you will have it so, I have nothing to say ; indeed, I 
 promised Sir Dudley I'd give you no advice one way or other : 
 so now get the staff from Jarasch, and come on deck," 
 
 The staff was a short thick truncheon of oak, tipped with 
 brass at each end, and the only weapon ever used by the boy 
 in his encounters. 
 
 " So you're going to take my place ! " said the black fellow,
 
 "the voyage out." 103 
 
 while liis dark eyes were lighted up like coals of fire, and his 
 white teeth glanced between his purple lips. "Don't hurt 
 my poor pet cubs ; be gentle with them/' 
 
 " Where's the staff? " said I, not liking the tone in which 
 he spoke, or well knowing if he affected earnest or jest. 
 
 " There it is," said he ; "but your white hands will be enough 
 without that. You'll not need the weapon the coward used ! " 
 and as he spoke a kind of shuddering convulsion shook his 
 frame from head to foot. 
 
 " Come, come ! " said I stretching out my hand ; M I ought 
 not to have called you a coward, Jarasch — that you are not ! 
 I ask you to forgive me ; will you? " 
 
 He never spoke, but nestled lower down in the hammock, 
 so that I could not even see his face. 
 
 " There, they're calling me already. I must be off ! Let 
 us shake hands and be friends this time at least. When 
 you're well and up, we can fight it out about something 
 else!" 
 
 " Kiss me, then," said he ; and though I had no fancy for 
 the embrace, or the tone it was asked in, I leaned over the 
 hammock, and while he placed one arm round my neck, and 
 drew me towards him, I kissed his forehead, and he mine, in 
 true Moorish fashion ; and not sorry to have made my peace 
 with my only enemy, I stepped up the ladder with a light 
 heart and a firm courage. 
 
 I little knew what need I had for both ! When Jarasch 
 had put his arm around my neck, I did not know that he had 
 inserted his hand beneath the collar of my shirt, and drawn a 
 long streak of blood from his own vein across my back be- 
 tween my shoulders. When I arrived on deck, it was to re- 
 ceive the congratulations of the crew, who were all struck 
 with my muscular arms and legs, and who unanimously pro- 
 nounced that I was far fitter to exercise the whelps than was 
 the Moor. 
 
 Sir Dudley said nothing. A short nod greeted me as I 
 came towards him, and then he waved me back with his hand — 
 a motion, which, having something contemptuous in it, pained 
 me acutely at the moment. I had not much time, however, 
 to indulge such feelings. The whelps were already on deck, 
 and springing madly at the wooden bars of their cage for 
 liberty. Eager as themselves, I hastened to unbolt the door, 
 and set them free. 
 
 !N o sooner were they at large than they set off down one 
 side of the deck and up the other, careering at full speed, 
 •clearing with a bound whatever stood in their way ; and when
 
 104 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 by any chance meeting each other, stopping for an instant to 
 stare with glaring eyes and swelling nostrils, and then, either 
 passing stealthily and warily past, or one would crouch while 
 the other cleared him at a spring, and so off' again. In all 
 this I had no part to play. I could neither call them back, 
 like Jarasch, whose voice they knew, nor had I his dexterity 
 in catching them as they went, and throwing all manner of 
 gambols over and upon them, as he did. 
 
 I felt this poignantly, the more as I saw, or thought I saw, 
 Sir Dudley's eyes upon me more than once, with an expres- 
 sion of disdainful pity. At last, the great tub which contained 
 the creatures' food was wheeled forward ; and no sooner had the 
 men retired, than the quick-scented animals were on the spot 
 — so rapidly, indeed, that I had barely time to seat myself, 
 crosslegged, on the lid, when they approached, and with 
 stately step walked round the vessel, staring as it were in 
 surprise at the new figure who disputed their meal with them. 
 
 At last, the male placed one paw on the lid, and with the 
 other tapped me twice or thrice on the shoulder with the 
 kind of gentle, pattering blow a cat will sometimes use with 
 a mouse. It was a sort of mild admonition to " leave that," 
 nothing of hostility whatever being announced. 
 
 I replied by imitating the gesture, so far as a half-closed 
 fist would permit, and struck him on the side of the head. 
 He looked grave at this treatment, and, slowing descending 
 from his place, he lay down about a yard off. Meanwhile the 
 female, who had been smelling and sniffing round and round 
 the tub, made an effort to lift the lid with her head, and fail- 
 ing, began to strike it in sharp, short blows with her paw ; 
 the excitement of her face, and the sturdy position of her 
 hind legs, showing that her temper was chafed at the delay. 
 To increase her rage, I pushed the lid a few inches back ; and 
 as the savoury steam arose, the creature grew more eager, 
 and at last attracted the other to the spot. 
 
 It was quite clear that hunger was the passion uppermost 
 with them, and that they had not yet connected me with the 
 cause of their disappointment, for they laboured by twenty 
 devices to insert a paw or to smash the lid, but never noticed 
 me in the least. Wearied of my failures to induce them to 
 play, and angry at the indifference they manifested to me, I 
 sprang from the lid, and, lifting it from the tub, flung it back* 
 In an instant they had each their heads in the mess; the. 
 female had even her great paw in the midst of the tub, and 
 was eating away with that low, gurgling growl peculiar to 
 the wild beast.
 
 105 
 
 Dashing right between them, I seized ono by the throat 
 with both hands, and hurled him back upon the deck. A 
 shout of "Bravo!" burst from the crew at the boldness of 
 the feat, and with a bound the fellow made at me. I dropped 
 suddenly on one knee as he came, and struck him with the 
 staff on the fore legs. Had he been shot, he could not have 
 fallen more rapidly ; down he went, like a dead mass, on the 
 deck. To spring on his back, and hold him fast down, was 
 the work of a second, while I belaboured him about the head 
 wdth my fists. 
 
 The stunning effect of his first fall gave me the victory for 
 a moment, but he soon rallied, and attacked me boldly. It 
 was now a fair fight ; for, if I sometimes succeeded in mak- 
 ing him shake his huge head or drop his paw with pain, more 
 than once he staggered me with a blow, which, had it been 
 only quickly followed, would soon have decided the struggle. 
 At last, after a scuffle in which he had nearly vanquished me,. 
 he made a leap at my throat. I put in a blow of such power 
 with the staff on the forehead, that he gave a loud roar of 
 pain, and, with drooping tail, slunk to hide away himself 
 beneath a boat. 
 
 Up to this moment the female had never stirred from the 
 mess of food, but continued eating and snarling as though 
 every mouthful was a battle. Scarcely, however, had the 
 roar of the other cub been heard, than she lifted her head,, 
 and, slowly turning round, stared at me with an expression 
 which, even now, my dreams w T ill recall. 
 
 I had not yet recovered from the exhaustion of my late en- 
 counter, and was half sitting, half kneeling on the deck, as 
 the whelp stood glowering at me, with every vein in her vast 
 forehead swollen, and her large, red eyes seeming to dilate as- 
 she looked. The attitude of the creature must have been 
 striking, for the crew cheered with a heartiness that showed 
 how much they admired her. 
 
 So long as I sat unmoved she never stirred; but when I 
 prepared to arise, she gave one bound, and striking me w T ith 
 her head, hurled me back upon the deck : her own impulse 
 had carried her clean over me, and when she returned I was 
 already up, on my knees, and better prepared to receive her. 
 Again she tried the same manoeuvre ; bat this time I leaped 
 to my feet, and springing on one side, struck her a heavy 
 blow on the top of the head. Twice or thrice the same 
 attack, with the same result, followed ; and at each blow a 
 gallant cheer from the men gave me fresh courage. 
 
 The beast was now excited to a dreadful degree, but her-
 
 106 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 very passion favoured me, for her assaults were wilder and 
 less circumspect than at first. At length, just as I was again 
 making the side leap by which I had escaped, my foot slipped, 
 and I fell. I was scarcely down ere she was upon me, not, 
 as before, to strike with her paws, but with a rude shock, she 
 threw herself across me, as if to crush me by her weight; 
 while her huge head, and terrific mouth, frothy and steaming, 
 lay within a few inches of my face. 
 
 Halkett and two others advanced to my rescue ; but I bade 
 ihem go back, and leave me to myself, for I was only wearied, 
 not conquered. For some minutes we lay thus ; when at 
 length, having recovered strength once more, I grasped the 
 whelp's throat with both hands, and then by a tremendous 
 effort, threw her back and rolled myself uppermost. She 
 soon shook herself free, however, and turned upon me : I was 
 now on my knees, and with the staff I dealt her a fierce blow 
 on the leg. A terrific howl followed, and she closed with me in 
 full fury. Seizing my shirt, she tore it away from my breast, 
 and with her paw upon the fragment, ripped it in a hundred 
 pieces. I endeavoured to catch her by the throat once more, 
 but failed, and rolled over on my face, and in doing so, dis- 
 closed the bloody streak between my shoulders ; she saw it, 
 and at the same instant sprang on me. I felt her teeth as 
 they met in my neck, while her terrible cry, the most appal- 
 ling ears ever heard, rang through my brain. 
 
 " Save him ! save him ! she's killing him ! " were now heard 
 on every side ; but none dared to fire for fear of wounding 
 me, and the terrible rage of the animal deterred all from 
 approaching her. The struggle was now a life-and-death 
 •one ; and alternately falling and rolling, we fought — I can- 
 not tell how — for the blood blinded me, as it came from a 
 wound in my forehead ; and I only felt one firm purpose in 
 my heart — " If I fall, she shall not survive me." Several of 
 the sailors came near enough to strike her with their cut- 
 lasses, but these wounds only increased her rage, and I cried 
 to them to desist. 
 
 " Shoot her ! put a bullet through her ! " cried Halkett. 
 " Let none dare to shoot her ! " cried Sir Dudley, loudly. I 
 just heard these words, as, after a fierce struggle, in which she 
 had seized me by the shoulder, I fell against the bulwark. 
 With a last effort I staggered to my knees, flung open the 
 gangway, and then, with an exertion that to myself seemed 
 my very last on earth, I seized her by the throat and hurled 
 her backwards into the sea. On hands and knees I leaned 
 forward to see her, as the rapid Gulf-stream, hurrying on-
 
 107 
 
 •ward to the ocean, bore her away ; and then, as my sight 
 grew fainter, I fell back upon the deck, and believed I was 
 dying. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 "means and meditations." 
 
 It was the second evening after my lion adventure, and I 
 was stretched in my hammock in a low, half-torpid state, not 
 a limb nor a joint in all my body that had not its own 
 peculiar pain ; while a sharp wound in my neck, and another 
 still deeper one in the fleshy part of my shoulder, had just 
 begun that process called " union " — one which, I am bound 
 to say, however satisfactory in result, is often very painful in 
 its progress. The slightest change of position gave me in- 
 tolerable anguish ; as I lay, with closed eyes and crossed 
 hands, not a bad resemblance of those stone saints one sees 
 upon old tombstones. 
 
 My faculties were clear and acute, so that, having abun- 
 dant leisure for the occupation, I had nothing better to do 
 than take a brief retrospect of my late life. Such review r s 
 are rarely satisfactory, or rather, one rarely thinks of making 
 them when the " score of the past " is in our favour. Up to 
 this moment it was clear I had gained little but experience ; 
 I had started light, and I had acquired nothing, save a some- 
 what worse opinion of the world and a greater degree of 
 confidence in myself. I had but one way of balancing my 
 account with Fortune, which was by asking myself " Would 
 I undo the past, if in my power ? Would I wish once more 
 to be back in my ■ father's mud edifice,' now digging a drain, 
 now drawing an indictment, — a kind of pastoral pettifogger, 
 with one foot in a potato furrow and the other in petty 
 sessions ? " I stoutly said " No ! " a thousand times " no ! " 
 to this question. 
 
 I could not ask myself as to my preference for a university 
 career, for my college life had concluded abruptly, in spite of 
 me ; but still, during my town experiences, I saw enough 
 to leave me no regrets at having quitted the muses. The
 
 108 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 life of a " skip," as the Trinity men have it, — vice gyp., for 
 the Greek word signifying a " vulture " — is only removed by 
 a thin sheet of silver paper from that of a cabin boy in a 
 collier ; copious pummeling and short prog being the first 
 two articles of your warrant ; while in some respects the 
 marine has a natural advantage over him on shore. A skip 
 is invariably expected to invent lies " at discretion " for his 
 master's benefit, and is always thrashed when they are either 
 discovered or turn out adverse. On this point his educa- 
 cation is perfectly " Spartan ; " but, unhappily too, he is 
 expected to be a perfect mirror of truth on all other occasions. 
 This is somewhat hard, inasmuch as it is only in a man's 
 graduate course that he learns to defend a paradox, and sup- 
 port, by good reasons, what he knows to be false. 
 
 Again, a " skip " never receives clothes, but is flogged at 
 least once a week for disorders in his dress, and for general 
 untidiness of appearance : this, too, is hard, since he has as 
 little intercourse with soap as he has with conic sections. 
 
 Thirdly, a good skip invariably obtains credit for his 
 master at " Foles's " chop-house ; while, in his own proper 
 capacity, be would not get trust for a cheese-paring. 
 
 Fourthly, a skip is supposed to be born a valet, as some 
 are born poets — to have an instinctive aptitude for all the 
 details of things he has never seen or heard of before ; so 
 that when he applies Warren's patent to French leather 
 boots, polishes silver with a Bath brick, blows the fire with 
 a quarto, and cuts candles with a razor, he finds it passing 
 strange that he should be " had up " for punishment. To 
 be fat without food, to be warm without fire, to be wake- 
 ful without sleep, to be clad without clothes, to be known as 
 a vagabond, and to pass current for unblemished honesty, to 
 be praised as a liar, and then thrashed for lying — is too much 
 to expect at fifteen y ars of age. 
 
 Lastly, as to Bttty's, I had no regrets. The occupation 
 of horse-boy, like the profession of physic, has no " avenir." 
 The utmost the most aspiring can promise to himself is to 
 hold more horses than his neighbours, as the Doctor's success 
 is to order more " senna." There is nothing beyond these ; 
 no higher path opens to him who feels the necessity for an 
 " upward course." It is a ladder with but one round to it I 
 No, no ; I was right to " sell out " there. 
 
 My steeple-chase might have led to something, that is, I 
 might have become a jockey ; but then again, one's light 
 weight, like a " contr' alto" voice, is sure to vanish after 
 a year or two ; and then, from the heyday of popularity,
 
 " MEANS AND MEDITATIONS." 109 
 
 you sink down into a bad groom or a fourth-rate tenor, just 
 as if, after reaching a silk gown at the bar, a man had to 
 begin life again as crier in the Exchequer! Besides, in 
 all these various walks, I should have had the worst of 
 all " trammels," a patron. Now, if any resolve had thoroughly 
 fixed itself in my mind, it was this, never to have a patron, 
 never to be bound to any man who, because he had once set 
 you on your legs, should regulate the pace you were to walk 
 through a long life. To do this, one should be born without 
 a particle of manhood's spirit — absolutely without volition — 
 otherwise you go through life a living lie, talking sentiments 
 that are not yours, and wearing a livery in your heart as well 
 as on your back ! 
 
 Why do we hear such tirades about the ingratitude of 
 men, who, being once assisted by others — their inferiors in 
 everything save gold — soar above the low routine of toadyism, 
 and rise into personal independence ? Let us remember that 
 the contract was never a fair one, and that a whole life's 
 degradation is a heavy sum to pay for a dinner with his 
 grace, or a cup of tea with her highness. " My lord," I am 
 aware, thinks differently ; and it is one of the very pleasant 
 delusions of his high station to fancy that little folk are 
 dependent upon him — what consequence they obtain among 
 their fellows by his recognition in public, or by his most 
 careless nod in the street. But "my lord" does not know 
 that this is a paper currency, that represents no capital, that 
 it is not convertible at will, and is never a legal tender, and 
 consequently, as a requital for actual bond Jide services, is 
 is about as honest a payment as a flash-note. 
 
 It was no breach of my principle that I accepted Sir 
 Dudley's offer. Our acquaintance began by my rendering 
 him a service ; and I was as free to leave him that hour, and, 
 I own, as ready to do so, if occasion permitted, as he could 
 be to get rid of me ; and it was not long before the occasion 
 presented itself for exercising these views. 
 
 As I lay thus, ruminating on my past fortunes, Halkett 
 descended the steerage-ladder, followed by Felborg, the Dane; 
 and, approaching my hammock, held a light to my face for a 
 few seconds. "Still asleep?" said Halkett. " Poor boy ! 
 he has never awoke since I dressed his wound this morning. 
 I'm sure it's better, so let us leave him so." 
 
 "Ay, ay," said the Dane, "let him sleep; bad tidings 
 come soon enough, without one's being awoke to hear them. 
 But do you think he'll do it?" added he, with lower and 
 more anxious tone.
 
 110 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 " He has said so, and I never knew him fail in his promise 
 when it was a cruel one." 
 
 " Have you no influence over him, Halkett ? could you not 
 speak for the boy ? " 
 
 " I have done all I could, more than perhaps it was safe to 
 do. I told him I couldn't answer for the men, if he were to 
 shoot him on board ; and he replied to me short, * I'll take 
 the fellow ashore with me alone — neither you nor they have 
 any right to question what you are not to witness.' 
 
 " Well, when I get back to Elsinore, it's to a prison and 
 heavy irons I shall go for life, that's certain ; but I'd face it 
 all rather than live the life we've done now for twenty months 
 past." 
 
 "Hush! speak low!" said the other. "I suppose others 
 are weary of it as well as you. Many a man has to live a bad 
 life just because he started badly." 
 
 " I'm sorry for the boy ! " sighed the Dane ; " he was a 
 bold and fearless fellow." 
 
 " I am sorry for him too. It was an evil day for him when 
 he joined us. Well, well, what would he have become if he 
 had lived a year or two on board ? " 
 
 "He has no father nor mother," said the Dane, "that's 
 something. I lost mine, too, when I was nine years old, and 
 it made me the reckless devil I became ever after. I wasn't 
 sixteen when the crew of the Tre-Kroner mutinied, and I led 
 the party that cut down the first-lieutenant. It was a moon- 
 light night, just as it might be now, in the middle watch, and 
 Lieutenant CEldenstrom was sitting aft, near the wheel, hum- 
 ming a tune. I walked aft, with my cutlass in one hand, and 
 a pistol in the other ; but just as I stepped up the quarter- 
 deck my foot slipped, and the cutlass fell with a clank on the 
 deck. 
 
 " ' What's that?' cried the lieutenant. 
 
 " ' Felborg, sir, mate of the watch,' said I, standing fast 
 where I was. * It's shoaling fast a-head, sir.' 
 
 " ' D — n ! ' said he, ' what a coast ! ' 
 
 " ' Couldn't you say a bit of something, better than that ? * 
 said I, getting nearer to him, slowly. 
 
 " 'What do you mean?' said he, jumping up angrily; 
 but he was scarce on his legs when he was down again at 
 his full length on the plank, with a bullet through his brain, 
 never to move again !" 
 
 " There, there, avast with that tale ; you've told it to me 
 every night that my heart was heavy this twelvemonth past. 
 But I've hit on a way to save the lad — will you help me ? "
 
 "means and meditations." Ill 
 
 " Ay, if my help doesn't bring bad luck on him ; it always 
 has on every one I befriended since — since " 
 
 " Never mind that. There's no risk here, nor much room 
 for luck, good or bad." He paused a second or two, then 
 added — 
 
 "I'm thinking we can't do better than shove him ashore on 
 the island yonder." 
 
 " On Anticosti !" said Felborg, with a shudder. 
 
 " Ay, why not ? There's always a store of biscuit and fresh 
 water in the log-houses, and the cruisers touch there every six 
 or seven weeks to take people off. He has but to hoist the 
 flag to show he's there." 
 
 " There's no one there now," said the Dane. 
 
 " No. I saw the flag-staff bare yesterday; but what does 
 that matter ? a few days or a few weeks alone are better than 
 what's in store for him here." 
 
 " I don't think so. No ! Beyni alia Deyvelm ! I'd stand 
 the bullet at three paces, but I'd not meet that negro chap 
 alone." 
 
 " Oh, he's dead and gone this many a year," said Halkett. 
 " When the Rodney transport was wrecked there, two years 
 last fall, they searched the island from end to end, and 
 couldn't find a trace of him. They were seven weeks there* 
 and it's pretty clear if he were alive " 
 
 " Ay, just so — if he were alive." 
 
 " Nonsense, man — you don't believe those yarns they get 
 up to frighten the boys in the cook's galley." 
 
 "It's scarce mercy, to my reckoning," said Felborg, "to 
 talfe the lad from a quick and short fate, and leave him 
 yonder ; but, if you need my help, you shall have it." 
 
 "That's enough," said Halkett, "go on deck, and look 
 after the boat. None of our fellows will betray us ; and in 
 the morning we'll tell Sir Dudley that he threw himself 
 overboard in the night, in a fit of frenzy. He'll care little 
 whether it's true or false." 
 
 " I say, Con — Con, my lad," said Halkett as soon as the 
 other had mounted the ladder; "wake up, my boy, 1'vo 
 something to tell you." 
 
 " I know it," said I, wishing to spare time, which I thought 
 might be precious, " I've been dreaming all about it." 
 
 "Poor fellow, his mind is wandering," muttered Halkett 
 to himself. " Come, my lad, try and put on your clothes — 
 here's your jacket," and with that he lifted me from my 
 hammock, and begun to help me to dress. 
 
 "I was dreaming, Halkett," said I, " that Sir Dudley sent
 
 112 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 me adrift in the punt, and fired at me with the swivel, but 
 that you rowed out and saved me." 
 
 " That's just it ! " said Halkett, with an energy that showed 
 how the supposed dream imposed upon him. 
 
 "You put me ashore on Anticosti, Halkett," said I, "but 
 wasn't that cruel ! — the Black Boatswain is there." 
 
 " Never fear the Black Boatswain, my lad, he's dead years 
 ago ; and it strikes me you'll steer a course in life, where old 
 wives' tales never laid down the soundings." 
 
 " I can always be brave when I want it, Halkett," said I, 
 letting out a bit of my peculiar philosophy ; but I saw he 
 didn't understand my speech, and I went on with my dressing 
 in silence. 
 
 Halkett meanwhile continued to give me advice about the 
 island, and the log-houses, and the signal-ensign ; in fact, 
 about all that could possibly concern my safety and speedy 
 escape, concluding with a warning to me, never to divulge 
 that anything but a mere accident had been the occasion of my 
 being cast away. " This for your own sake and for mine, too, 
 Con," said he, " for one day or other he," — he pointed to the 
 after-cabin — " he'd know it, and then it would fare badly with 
 some of us." 
 
 "Why not come too, Halkett?" said I, "this life is as 
 hateful to you as to myself." 
 
 " Hush, boy, no more of that," said he, with a degree of 
 emotion which I had never witnessed in him before. " Make 
 yourself warm and snug, for you mustn't take any spare 
 clothes, or you'd be suspected by whoever takes you off the 
 island : here's my brandy-flask and a tinder-box — that's a 
 small bag of biscuit — for you'll take six or seven hours to 
 reach the log-house — and here is a pistol with some powder 
 and ball. Come along now, or shall I carry you up the 
 ladder?" 
 
 " No, I'm able enough now," said I, making an effort to 
 seem free from pain while I stepped up on deck. 
 
 I was not prepared for the affectionate leave-taking which 
 met me here : each of the crew shook my hand twice or 
 thrice over, and there was not one did not press upon me 
 some little gift in token of remembrance. 
 
 At last the boat was lowered, and Halkett and three others 
 descended noiselessly, motioned to me to follow. I stepped 
 boldly over the side, and, waving a last good-bye to those 
 above, sat down in the stern to steer, as I was directed. 
 
 It was a calm night, with nothing of a sea, save that rolling 
 heave ever present in the Gulf-stream ; and now the men
 
 "means and meditations.*' 113 
 
 stretched to their oars, and we darted swiftly on, not a word 
 breaking the deep stillness. 
 
 Although the island lay within six miles, we could see 
 nothing of it against the sky, for the highest point is little 
 more than twelve feet above the water-level. 
 
 I have said that nothing was spoken as we rowed along 
 over the dark and swelling water ; but this silence did not 
 impress me till I saw ahead of us the long low outline of 
 the dreary island shutting out the horizon ; then, a sensation 
 of sickening despair came over me. Was I to linger out a 
 few short hours of life on that melancholy spot, and die at 
 last exhausted and broken-hearted? "Was this to be the 
 end of the brilliant dream I had so often revelled in?" 
 " Ah, Con ! " said I, "to play the game of life, a man must 
 have capital to stand its losses — its runs of evil fortune ; but 
 you are ruined with one bad deal ! " 
 
 II Run her in here ! in this creek ! " cried Halkett to the 
 men, and the boat glided into a little bay of still water under 
 the lee of the land, and then, after about twenty minutes' 
 stout rowing, her keel grated on the rugged shingly shore of 
 Anticosti. 
 
 "We cannot land you dry-shod, Con," said Halkett, "ifc 
 shoals for some distance here." 
 
 " ~No matter," said I, trying to affect an easy, jocular air, 
 my choking throat and swelling heart made far from easy ; 
 "for me to think of wet feet, would be like the felon at the drop 
 blowing the froth off the porter because it was unwholesome ! " 
 
 " I've better hopes of you than that comes to, lad ! " 
 said he ; " but good-bye ! good-bye ! " He shook my hand 
 with a grasp like a vice, and sat down with his back to- 
 wards me; the others took a kind farewell of me; and 
 then, shouldering my little bag of biscuit, I pressed my 
 cap down over my eyes, and stepped into the surf. It was 
 scarcely more than over mid-leg, but the clay-like, spongy 
 bottom made it tiresome walking. I had only gone a few 
 hundred yards, when a loud cheer struck me ; I turned, it 
 was the boat's crew, giving me a parting salute. I tried 
 to answer it, but my voice failed me ; the next moment 
 they had turned the point, and I saw them no more ! 
 
 I now plodded wearily on, and in about half an hour 
 reached the land ; and whether from weariness, or some 
 strange instinct of security, on touching shore, I know not, 
 but I threw myself heavily down upon the shingly stones, 
 and slept soundly ; ay, and dreamed too ! dreamed of fair 
 lands far away, such as I have often read of in books of 
 
 i
 
 114 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 travels, where bright flowers and delicious fruits were grow- 
 ing, and where birds and insects of gaudiest colours floated 
 past with a sweet murmuring song that made the air 
 tremble. 
 
 Who has not read " Robinson Crusoe " ? and who has not 
 imagined himself combating with some of the difficulties of 
 his fortune, and pictured to his mind what his conduct might 
 have been under this or that emergency ? 
 
 No speculations are pleasanter, when indulged at our own 
 fireside, in an easy-chair, after having solaced our " material " 
 nature by a good dinner, and satisfied the " moral" man by 
 the " City Article," which assures us that the Three per 
 Cents are rising, and that Consols for the Account are in a very- 
 prosperous state. Then, indeed, if our thoughts by any acci- 
 dent stray to the shipwrecked sailor, they are blended with 
 a wholesome philanthropy, born of good digestion and fair 
 worldly prospects ; we assure ourselves that we should have 
 made precisely the same exertions that he did, and comported 
 ourselves in all the varied walks of carpenter, tailor, hosier, 
 sail-maker, and boat-builder, exactly like him. The chances 
 are, too, that if accidentally out of temper with our neigh- 
 bours, we cordially acknowledge that the retirement was 
 not the worst feature in his history ; and if provoked by John 
 Thomas, the footman, we are ready to swear that there was 
 more gratitude in Friday's little black finger than in the whole 
 body corporate of flunkeys, from Richmond to Blackwall. 
 
 While these very laudable sentiments are easy enough in 
 the circumstances I have mentioned, they are marvellously 
 difficult to practise at the touch of stern reality. At least I 
 found them so, as I set out to seek the " Refuge" on Anti- 
 costi. It was just daybreak, as, somewhat stiffened with a 
 sleep on the cold beach, and sore from my recent bruises, I 
 beo-an my march. " Nor'-west and by west" was Halkett's 
 vague direction to me, but as I had no compass, I was left 
 to the guidance of the rising sun for the cardinal points. 
 Not a path, nor track of any kind was to be seen ; indeed 
 the surface could scarcely have borne traces of footsteps, for 
 it was one uniform mass of slaty shingle, with here and there 
 the backbone of a fish, and scattered fragments of sea-weed, 
 washed up by the storms, on this low bleak shore. I cannot 
 fancy desolation more perfect than this dreary spot, slightly 
 undulating, but never sufficient to lose sight of the sea ; not 
 a particle of shelter to be found ; not a rock, nor even a 
 stone large enough to sit upon when weary. Of vegetation, 
 no trace could be met with,— even a patch of moss, or a
 
 " MEANS AND MEDITATIONS." 115 
 
 lichen, would have been a blessing to see ; but there were 
 neither. At last, as I journeyed on, I wandered beyond the 
 sound of the sea, as it broke upon the low strand, and then 
 the silence became actually appalling; but a few moments 
 back, and the loud booming of the breakers stunned the 
 ear, and now, as I stopped to listen, I could hear my own 
 heart, as in full thick beat it smote against my ribs. I could 
 not dismiss the impression, that such a stillness — thus terri- 
 ble, would prevail on the day of judgment; when, after the 
 graves had given up their millions of dead, and the agonizing 
 cry for mercy had died away, then, as in a moment of dread 
 suspense, the air would be motionless, not a leaf to stir, not 
 a wing to cleave it. Such possession of me did this notion 
 take, that I fell upon my knees and sobbed aloud, while, 
 with trembling and uplifted hands, I prayed that I too might 
 be pardoned. 
 
 So powerful is the influence of a devotional feeling, no 
 matter how associated with error, how alloyed by the dross 
 of superstition, that I, who but an instant back could scarcely 
 drag my wearied limbs along for very despair, became of a 
 sudden trustful and courageous. Life seemed no longer the 
 worthless thing it did a few minutes before ; on the contrary, 
 I was ready to dare anything to preserve it ; and so, with 
 renewed vigour, I again set forward. 
 
 At each little swell of the ground, I gazed eagerly about 
 me, hoping to see the log-hut, but in vain ; nothing but the 
 same wearisome monotony met my view. The sun was now 
 high, and I could easily see that I was following out the 
 direction Halkett gave me, and which I continued to repeat 
 over and over to myself as I went along. This, and watching 
 my shadow — the only one that touched the earth — were my 
 occupations. It may seem absurd, even to downright folly, 
 but when from any change in the direction of my course the 
 shadow did not fall in front of me, where I could mark it, 
 my spirits fell, and my heavy heart grew heavier. 
 
 When, however, it did precede me, I was never wearied 
 watching how it dived down the little slopes, and rose again 
 on tne opposite bank, bending with each swell of the ground. 
 Even this was companionship — its very motion smacked of 
 life. 
 
 At length I came upon a little pool of rain-water, and, 
 although far from clear, it reflected the bright blue sky, and 
 white clouds, so temptingly, that I sat down beside it to 
 make my breakfast. As I sat thus, Hope was again with 
 me, and I fancied how, — in some long distant time, when 
 
 i 2
 
 116 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 favoured by fortune, and possessed of every worldly gift ^ 
 with rank, and riches, and honour, — I should remember the 
 hour when, a poor friendless outcast, I ate my lonely meal 
 on Anticosti. I fancied, even, how friends would listen 
 almost incredulously to the tale, and with what traits of 
 pity, or of praise, they would follow me in my story. 
 
 I felt I was not doomed to die in that dreary land, that my 
 own courage would sustain me; and thus armed, I again 
 set out. 
 
 Although I walked from daybreak to late evening, it was 
 only a short time before darkness closed in that I saw a 
 bulky mass straight before me, which I knew must be the 
 Log-house. I could scarcely drag my legs along a few 
 moments before, but now I broke into a run, and with many 
 a stumble, and more than one fall, — for 1 never turned my 
 eyes from the hut, — I at last reached a little cleared spot of 
 ground, in the midst of which stood the " Refuge-house." 
 
 What a moment of joy was that, as, unable to move farther, 
 I sat down upon a little bench in front of the hut ! All sense 
 of my loneliness, all memory of my desolation, was lost in 
 an instant. There was my home ; how strange a word for 
 that sad-looking hut of pine-logs, in a lone island, unin- 
 habited ! No matter ; it would be my shelter, and my refuge, 
 till better days came round ; and with that stout resolve, I 
 entered the great roomy apartment, which, in the settling 
 gloom of night, seemed immense. 
 
 Striking a light, I proceeded to take a survey of my terri- 
 tory, which I rejoiced to see contained a great metal stove^ 
 and an abundant supply of bed-clothing, precautions required 
 by the frequency of ships being ice-bound in these latitudes. 
 There were several casks of biscuits, some flour, a large chest 
 of maize, besides three large tanks of water, supplied by the 
 rain. A few bags of salt, and some scattered objects of 
 clothing, completed the catalogue, which, if not very luxu- 
 rious, contained nearly everything of absolute necessity. 
 
 I lighted a good fire in the stove, less because I felt cold, 
 for it was still autumn, than for the companionship of the 
 bright blaze and the crackling wood. This done, I proceeded 
 to make myself a bed on one of the platforms, arranged like 
 1 3(i-places round the walls, and of which I saw the upper 
 ones seemed to have a preference in the opinion of my prede- 
 c jssors, since, in these, the greater part of the bed-clothing 
 v as to be found, a choice I could easily detect the reason of, 
 in. the troops of rats which walked to and fro, with a most 
 c Dixtemptuous indifference to my presence ; some of them
 
 "means and meditations." 117 
 
 standing near me while I made my bed, and looking, as 
 doubtless they felt, considerably surprised at the nature of 
 my operations. Promising myself to open a spirited cam- 
 paign against them on the morrow, I trimmed and lighted a 
 large lamp, which from its position had defied their attempt 
 on the oil it still contained ; and then, a biscuit in hand, 
 betook myself to bed, watching with an interest, not, I own, 
 altogether pleasant, the gambols of these primitive natives 
 of Anticosti. 
 
 From my earliest years I had an antipathy to rats, — so 
 great, that it mastered all the instincts of my courage. I 
 feared them with a fear I should not have felt in presence of 
 a wild beast, and I was confident that, had I been attacked 
 vigorously by even a single rat, the natural disgust would 
 have rendered me unable to cope with him. When very 
 young, I remembered hearing the story of an officer, who, 
 desirous of visiting the vaults under St. Patrick's Church, in 
 Dublin, descended into them under the escort of the sexton. 
 By some chance they separated from each other, and the 
 sexton, after in vain seeking and calling for his companion 
 for several hours, concluded that he had already returned to 
 the upper air ; and so he returned also, locking and barring 
 the heavy door, as was his wont. The following day the 
 officer's friends, alarmed at his absence, proceeded to make 
 search for him through the city, and at last, learning that he 
 had visited the cathedral, went thither, and even examined 
 the vaults, when, what was their horror to discover a portion 
 of the brass ornament of his shako, and a broken sword, in 
 the midst of several hundreds of rats, dead and dying, — the 
 terrible remains of a combat that must have lasted for hours. 
 This story, for the truth of which some persons yet living 
 will vouch, I heard when a mere child, and perhaps to its 
 influence may I date a species of terror that has always been 
 too much for either my reason or my courage. 
 
 If I slept, then, it was more owing to my utter weariness 
 and exhaustion than to that languid frame of mind ; and, 
 although too tired to dream, my first waking thought was 
 how to commence hostilities against the rats. As to any 
 personal hand-to-hand action, I need scarcely say I declined 
 engaging in such, and my supply of gunpowder being scanty, 
 the method I hit upon was to make a species of grenade, by 
 inserting a quantity of powder with a sufficiency of broken 
 glass into a bottle, leaving an aperture through the cork for a 
 fuze ; then, having smeared the outside of the bottle plenti- 
 fully with oil, of which I discovered a supply in bladders
 
 118 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 suspended from the ceiling, I retired to my berth, with the 
 other extremity of the fuze in my hand, ready to ignite 
 when the moment came. 
 
 I had not long to wait ; my enemies, bold from long impu- 
 nity, came fearlessly forward, and surrounded the bottle in 
 myriads ; it became a scene like an election row, to witness 
 their tumbling and rolling over each other. Nor could I 
 bring myself to cut short the festivity, till I began to enter- 
 tain fears for the safety of the bottle, which already seemed 
 to be loosened from its bed of clay. Then at last I applied a 
 match to my cord, and almost before 1 could cover my head 
 with the blanket, the flask exploded, with a crash and a cry 
 that showed me its success. The battle-field was truly a 
 terrible sight, for the wounded were far more numerous 
 than the dead, and I, shame to say, had neither courage nor 
 humanity to finish their sufferings, but lay still, while their 
 companions dragged them away in various stages of suffering. 
 
 I at first supposed that this was an exploit that could only 
 succeed but once, and that the well-known sagacity of the 
 creatures would have made them avoid so costly a temptation. 
 Nothing of the kind; they were perfect Scythians in their 
 love of oil ; and as often as I repeated my experiment, they 
 were ready to try their fortunes. Or perhaps they had some 
 of the gambler's element in their nature, and each felt that 
 he might win where others lost. 
 
 I had made Halkett a promise that for a couple of days, at 
 least, I would not hoist the signal flag, lest any accident 
 should induce Sir Dudley to suspect my place of refuge, so 
 that I was completely reduced to my campaign against the 
 rats for occupation and amusement. So far as I could dis- 
 cover, the little island, traverse it how I would, never varied, 
 the same rise and swell of surface, clad with loose stone, lay 
 on every side ; and so depressing had this mournful uniformity 
 become to me, that I rarely ventured out of the hut, or, when 
 I did, it was to sit upon the little bench outside the door, 
 from which a sea view extended over the wide waters of the 
 Gulf. 
 
 To sit here and try to decipher the names cut into the wood 
 was my constant occupation. What histories, too, did I weave 
 of those who carved these letters ; and how did they fix 
 themselves in my mind, each name suggesting an identity, 
 till I felt as if I had known them intimately. Some seemed 
 the precious work of weeks ; and it was easy to see that after 
 the letters were cut, the sculptor had gone on embellishing 
 tind ornamenting his work for very lack of labour. Others,.
 
 " MEANS AND MEDITATIONS." 119 
 
 again, were mere initials, and one was a half-£n'shed name, 
 leaving me to the perpetual doubt whether he had been 
 rescued from its captivity, or died ere it was completed. 
 
 Between my hours spent here and the little duties of my 
 household, with usually three or four explosions against my 
 rats, the day went oyer — I will not say rapidly, but pass it 
 did ; and each night brought me nearer to the time when I 
 should hoist my signal and hope— ay, that was the great 
 supporter through all — hope for rescue. 
 
 It was now the third night of my being on the island, 
 and I sat at my fire, trying to invent some new mode for the 
 destruction of my enemies, for my last charge of powder had 
 been expended. J had nothing remaining save the loading in 
 my pistol. It was true that I had succeeded to a great extent ; 
 the creatures no longer appeared with their former air of 
 assurance, nor in large bodies. Their army was evidently 
 disorganized ; they no longer took the field in battalions, but 
 in scattered guerilla parties, without discipline or courage. 
 Even had my ammunition lasted, it is more than doubtful 
 that my tactics would have continued to have the same 
 success : they had begun to dread the bottle, like a reformed 
 drunkard. Often have I seen them approach within a few 
 feet of it, and wait patiently till some younger and more 
 adventurous spirit would venture nearer, and then, at the 
 slightest stir — the least rustling of my bed-clothes — away 
 they went in full career. It was evident that the secret, like 
 most great mysteries of the same kind, had had its day. 
 This was consolatory, too, as I had no longer the means of 
 continuing my siege operations ; while the caution and reserve 
 of the enemy suggested a system of defence of the simplest, 
 but most effectual, kind, which was, to place a certain number 
 of bottles at different parts of the hut, the very sight of which 
 inspired terror ; and if followed by any noise, was certain to 
 secure me, for some time at least, from all molestation. 
 
 Shall I tell the reader how this stratagem first occurred to 
 me? It was simply thus: — In one of the early but un- 
 recorded years of my history, I used to act as driver to the 
 Moate and Kilbeggan caravan — not, indeed, as the recognized 
 coachee of that very rickety and most precarious conveyance, 
 but as a kind of " deputy assistant" to the paid official ; who, 
 having a wife at Kilbeggan, usually found some excuse for 
 stopping at Clara, and sending me forward with the passen- 
 gers, — a proceeding, I am bound to own, not over consistent 
 with humanity to "man or beast." Many were the misad- 
 ventures of that luckless conveniency, and the public were
 
 120 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 loud in their denunciations of it ; but as nobody knew the 
 proprietors, nor did the most searching scrutiny detect the 
 existence of a " way-bill," the complaints were uttered to the 
 wind, and I was at full liberty "to do my stage" in three 
 hours, or one half the time, as I fancied. 
 
 The passengers at length learned this valuable fact, and 
 found that greasing my palm was a sure method of oiling the 
 wheels. All complaints gradually subsided ; in fact, the dumb 
 animals were the only ones who had any right to make them. 
 I drove then at a very brisk pace — a thriving trade — the 
 caravan became popular, and my fame rose, as the horses' 
 condition declined. At last the secret was discovered ; and 
 instead of my imposing whip of four yards and a half of 
 whip-cord, they reduced me to a stunted bit of stick, with a 
 little drooping lash that wouldn't reach the tail of my one 
 leader. My receipts fell off from that hour : in fact, instead 
 of praises and sixpences, I now got nothing but curses and 
 hard names ; and at one hill, near " Horse-leap," which I 
 used in my prosperous days to " go at" in a slashing canter, 
 amid a shower of encomiums, I was now obliged to stagger 
 slowly up, with four-and-twenty small farmers, and maybe a 
 priest, in full cry at my sulkiness, laziness, incivility, and other 
 good gifts ; and all this, ay, and more, for lack of a bit of 
 whip-cord. 
 
 I have been told that very great people will stoop to low 
 alliances when hard pressed : even cabinet ministers, I believe, 
 have now and then acknowledged very dubious allies. Let 
 not Con Cregan, then, be reproached if he called in the help 
 of a little bare-footed boy, who used to beg on the hill of 
 Horse-leap, and who, at the sound of the approaching caravan, 
 sallied forth with a long branch of an ash tree, and belaboured 
 the team into some faint resemblance to a canter. Through 
 this auxiliary, I recovered in part my long-lost popularity, 
 and was likely to be again reinstated in public favour, when 
 my assistant caught the measles, and I was once more re- 
 duced to my own efforts. 
 
 In this emergency I had nothing for it but a stratagem, 
 and so, as the conveyance arrived at the foot of the hill, and 
 the horses, dropping their heads, were gradually subsiding 
 into the little shuffling amble that precedes a slow walk, I 
 used to scream out at the top of my voice all my accustomed 
 exhortations to the boy. " Ah, hit him again, Tommy, — 
 into him, boy, — under the traces, my lad ! — give him enough 
 of it ! — welt him well. Ha ! there ! " exclamations that, 
 from old associations, always stimulated the wretched beasts
 
 121 
 
 into a canter : and under the impression of this salutary- 
 terror, we used to reach the top almost as speedily as in the 
 old days of the penal code. 
 
 The same device now aided me against the rats of Anti- 
 costi ; and if any one will say to what end this narrative of 
 an encounter so insignificant, my answer is, that whether in 
 the St. Lawrence or in St. Stephen's rats are far more for- 
 midable than their size or strength would seem to imply: 
 and whether they nibble your rags or your reputation, their 
 success is invariably the same. 
 
 Four days had now elapsed, and I concluded that the yacht 
 must ere this have been miles on her voyage up the river. 
 The next morning, then, I should venture to hoist the signal, 
 and thus apprise the passing ships that one deserted and for- 
 lorn creature, at least, still lingered on the miserable island. 
 
 I sat at my fire till a late hour. I was lower in spirits tkan 
 usual. I had watched the Gulf from sunrise to sunset, and 
 without seeing one sail upon its surface. A light breeze was 
 blowing from the northward, and on this I supposed many of 
 the outward vessels would be borne along, but not one ap- 
 peared. From time to time a fleeting cloud, resting for a 
 moment on the horizon, would assume the semblance of a 
 ship, but at length I grew accustomed to these deceptions, 
 and suffered little or no disappointment when a second 
 glance at the spot failed to detect them. 
 
 Once or twice the thought crossed my mind that I might 
 never leave the island, that winter might close in, and the 
 Gulf be frozen before I could make my escape ; and I actually 
 shuddered at the very notion of a fate so terrible. I cowered 
 nearer to the fire as the flame subsided, and was sitting with 
 my hands outstretched over the blaze, when the sudden crash, 
 of one of the bottles behind startled me. Were the rata 
 already regaining courage in anticipation of the time when I 
 could no longer resist them ? With this idea I turned my 
 head round. The flame threw a long ray of light upon the 
 floor as I moved, and in the midst of this I beheld, at a dis- 
 tance of about three yards off, a large black head, with two 
 immense and bloodshot eyes, glaring fixedly at me. It seemed 
 to rise out of the earth, above which it rose scarcely more 
 than a foot in height. 
 
 Paralyzed by terror, I could not stir, I could scarcely 
 breathe, as with a slow and nodding motion the large black 
 face came nearer ; and now I could see that it was a man — a 
 negro — who on hands and knees was slowly creeping towards 
 me. Overwhelmed by fear as I was, I noted the features, as
 
 122 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 marked by age and worn by want ; they resembled those of 
 a wild beast rather than of a human creature. More from 
 the force of a mere mechanical impulse, than with any notion 
 of defence, for which my terror totally incapacitated me, I 
 had drawn my pistol from my bosom, and held it pointed 
 towards him. " No fire ! — no fire ! " cried the creature, in a 
 low faint voice, and at the same time, while resting on one 
 hand, he held up with the other a long bright knife in an 
 attitude of menace. 
 
 " No nearer, then ! " screamed I, as I fell back beside the 
 stove, and still kept my eyes fixed upon him, whom now I 
 knew to be the Black Boatswain ; and thus we remained, 
 each watching the other, while the fire flickered and threw its 
 fitful glare over the gloomy space around us. As we were 
 thus, I saw, or I thought I saw, the negro stealthily drawing 
 up his legs, as if for a spring, and in my terror I believe I 
 should have pulled the trigger, when suddenly the knife 
 dropped from his hand, and pointing with his finger to his 
 dry, cracked lips, he said, " A-boire" — water. 
 
 The look of earnest, almost passionate entreaty of the poor 
 creature's face — the expression of want and misery, struggling 
 with a faint hope, as he uttered these words, routed all fears 
 for myself; and filling a cup from the tank with water, I 
 emptied the last remaining drops of my brandy-flask into it. 
 and held it to his mouth. 
 
 He swallowed it greedily ; and then clasping my wrist 
 with his gaunt and bony fingers, held me fast for a few 
 seconds, while he recovered his breath ; at last, with an effort 
 that seemed almost convulsive, he said some words in Spanish, 
 which I could not understand. I shook my head to show him 
 my ignorance of the language, and then fixing his eye full 
 upon me, he said, " Alone, here ? boy alone ? " 
 
 Understanding that this referred to myself, I answered at 
 once, that I was alone, and had been deserted by my com- 
 panions. 
 
 " Bad men, white men ! " cried he, gnashing his teeth 
 savagely ; while again he pointed to his lips, and muttered 
 " water ! " I endeavoured to free myself from his grasp to 
 fill the cup once more ; but he held me firmly, and showed by 
 a sign that he wished me to assist him to reach the tank. I 
 accordingly stooped down to help him, and now perceived 
 that he could do little more than drag his legs forward and 
 support himself on the knees ; being either wholly or in part 
 paralyzed from his hips downwards. " Ah, foco ! " cried he, 
 twice or thrice, and then changed to the word " Feu ! " " Le
 
 " MEANS AND MEDITATIONS.'* 12S 
 
 feu ! " on which his gaze was fixed with a horrid earnest- 
 ness. 
 
 It was not without labour and much exertion that I suc- 
 ceeded in dragging him near the embers of the fire ; but 
 having done so, I quickly replenished the dying flame, and 
 fanning it with my hat, soon succeeded in making a cheerful 
 blaze once more. "Buono! goot ! goot! " said he, several 
 times, as he held his shrivelled and wasted fingers almost into 
 the fire. 
 
 " Are you hungry ? " said I, bending down to make myself 
 heard. 
 
 He nodded, twice. 
 
 " Can you eat biscuit ? I have nothing else," said I ; for I 
 half feared that the hard dry food would be impracticable for 
 his almost toothless jaws. 
 
 He said something about " Guisado," once or twice ; and 
 at last made a sign, that I understood to mean that the biscuit 
 might be softened in water for him. And with that I placed 
 a pot of water on the fire, and soon saw by the expression of 
 his eye that I had divined his meaning. 
 
 As 1 continued to blow the fire, and occasionally examined 
 the water to see if it boiled, I could mark that the negro's 
 eyes never once quitted me, but, with a restless activity, 
 followed me wherever I went, or whatever I did ; and, 
 although from his age, and the dreadful infirmity he laboured 
 under, I felt I should prove his equal in any struggle, I own 
 that I cast many a sidelong look towards him, lest he should 
 take me by surprise. That he was the notorious Black Boat- 
 swain of whom I had heard so much, I had no doubt what- 
 ever; and I felt not a little vain of my own courage and 
 presence of mind, as I saw myself so possessed and collected 
 in such company. 
 
 " Give ! give ! " cried he, impatiently, as I examined the 
 mess of steeping biscuit, and for which he seemed ravenously 
 eager ; and at length I removed it from the fire, and placed 
 it before him. Such voracity as his I never witnessed, save 
 in the case of Sir Dudley's lions ; he crammed the food with 
 both hands into his mouth, and devoured it with all the 
 savage earnestness of a wild beast. Twice was I obliged to 
 replenish the mess ; and each time did it vanish with the 
 same dispatch. 
 
 He now lay back on one arm, and, half closing his eyes r 
 appeared as if he was going asleep ; but at the least stir or 
 movement on my part, I saw that his wild red-streaked eyes 
 followed me at once.
 
 124 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 Halkett had given me a little bag of tobacco at parting, 
 saying, that although I was no smoker, I should soon learn 
 to become one in my solitude. This I now produced, and 
 offered him a handful. 
 
 The dark features were immediately lighted up with an 
 almost frantic expression of pleasure, as he clutched the 
 precious weed ; and tearing off a fragment of the paper, he 
 rolled it into the shape of a cigarette. 
 
 " No smoke ? " asked he, as I sat watching his prepara- 
 tions. 
 
 I shook my head. " Ah ! " cried he, laying down the 
 tobacco before him. " Tehoka, here ! " said he, pointing 
 to it. 
 
 " I don't understand," said I ; " what is Tehoka ? " 
 
 " Bad ! bad ! " said he, shaking both hands ; " weed make 
 
 negro so , so ," and he opened his mouth wide, and 
 
 dropped his arms heavily backwards, to represent sickness, or 
 perhaps death. 
 
 " No, no," said I ; " this is good, a friend gave it to me." 
 " Smoke," said he, pushing it over towards me ; and I saw 
 now that my abstaining had excited his suspicions. 
 
 " If you like, I will smoke," said I ; setting to work to 
 manufacture a cigar like his own. 
 
 He sat eyeing me all the while ; and when I proceeded to 
 fill it with tobacco, he leaned over to see that I did not 
 attempt any sleight of hand to deceive him. 
 
 "Will that do?" said I, showing him the little paper 
 tube. 
 
 " Smoke," said he, gravely. 
 
 It was only after watching me for several minutes, that he 
 took courage to venture himself; and even then he scruti- 
 nized the tobacco as keenly as though it demanded all his 
 acuteness to prevent stratagem. At length, he did begin; 
 and certainly never did anything seem to effect a more 
 powerful and more immediate influence. The fiery restless 
 eyes grew heavy and dull ; the wide-distended nostrils ceased 
 to dilate with their former convulsive motion. His cheek, 
 seamed with privation and passion, lay flaccid and at rest, and 
 a look of lethargic ease stole over all the features one by one, 
 till at last the head fell forward on his chest ; his arm slipped 
 softly from beneath him, and he rolled heavily back — sunk in 
 the deepest sleep. 
 
 I soon abandoned my tobacco now, which had already 
 begun to produce a feeling of giddiness and confusion, very 
 unfavourable to cool determination — sensations which did not
 
 " MEANS AND MEDITATIONS." 125 
 
 subside so readily as I could have wished ; for as I sat gazing 
 on my swarthy companion, fancies the wildest and most 
 absurd associated themselves with the strange reality. The 
 terrible tales I once listened to about the " Black Boatswain " 
 came to mingle with the present. The only remnant of right 
 reason left prompted me to keep up my fire ; a certain terror 
 of being alone, and in the dark, with the negro, predominating 
 over every other thought. 
 
 By the bright blaze, which soon arose, I could now mark 
 the enormous figure, which, in all the abandonment of heavy 
 slumber, lay outstretched before me. Although it was evi- 
 dent he was very old, the gigantic limbs showed what im- 
 mense strength he must have possessed ; while in the several 
 white cicatrices that marked his flesh, I could reckon a great 
 number of wounds, some of them of fearful extent. The 
 only covering he wore was a piece of sail-cloth wrapped 
 round his body ; over this he had a blanket, through a round 
 hole in which his head issued, like as in a Mexican poncho, 
 leaving his sinewy limbs perfectly naked. A bit of ragged, 
 worn bunting — part, as it seemed, of an old union-jack — was 
 bound round his head, and, in its showy colours, served to 
 enhance the stern expression of his harsh features. 
 
 As my senses became clearer, I began to imagine how it 
 happened that he came to the hut, since in all the narratives 
 I had heard of him, the greatest doubt existed that he was 
 still living, so effectually did he manage his concealment. 
 At last, and by dint of much thought, I hit upon what I 
 suspected to be the real solution of the difficulty, which was, 
 that he was accustomed to venture hither whenever the 
 signal-flag 1 was not hoisted : and as I had not done so, that 
 
 DO * ... 
 
 he was under the belief that he was the only living man on 
 the island. 
 
 That he must have contrived his hiding-place with great 
 success was clear enough ; for whether the allegations against 
 him were true or false, they were so universally believed by 
 sailors, that if he had been discovered they would unquestion- 
 ably have carried him off to Quebec. It was now in my 
 power "to do the state this service ; " and I began to canvass 
 with myself all the reasons for and against it. If, on the 
 one hand, it reminded me of the old legends I used to read 
 about striplings that led captive huge giants or fierce dragons, 
 on the other, I felt it would be a species of treachery to one 
 who had eaten bread from my hands. Besides, to what end 
 — even supposing him guilty to any extent — to what end 
 bring him now to justice, when a few days, or hours, perhaps,
 
 126 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 would close a life whose suffering was manifest enough ! 
 And lastly, was I so certain of escape myself, that I already 
 plotted carrying away a prisoner with me ? The last reflec- 
 tion saved me the trouble of thinking much more on the others ; 
 and so I fell a pondering over myself and my destitution. 
 
 Not long was I permitted to indulge in such reveries ; for 
 the negro now began to dream, and talk aloud with a rapidity 
 of utterance and vehemence very different from the mono- 
 syllabic efforts he had favoured me with. As the language 
 was Spanish, I could catch nothing of his meaning ; but I 
 could see that some fearful reminiscence was agitating his 
 mind by the working of his fingers, and the violent contor- 
 tions of his face. 
 
 In the struggle of his paroxysm — for it was really little less 
 « — he tore open the coarse rag of canvas that he wore, and I 
 could perceive something fastened round his neck by a piece 
 of spun-yarn. At first I thought it one of those charms that 
 seamen are so fond of carrying about them — amulets, against 
 Heaven knows what kind of dangers : but, on stooping 
 down, I perceived it was an old leather pocket-book, which 
 once had been red, but by time and dirt was almost black. 
 
 More than once he clutched this in his hand, with a wild 
 energy, as if it was his heart's treasure, and then the great 
 drops of sweat would start out upon his forehead, and his 
 parted lips would quiver with agony. In one of these 
 struggles, he tore the book from the cord, and opening it, 
 seemed to seek for something among its contents. The rapi- 
 dity of the movement, and the seeming collectedness of every 
 gesture, made me believe that he was awake ; but I soon saw 
 that his great and staring eye-balls were not turned to the 
 spot, but were fixed on vacancy. 
 
 His motions were now more and more hurried : at one time 
 his fingers would turn over the papers in the pocket-book, at 
 another he would grope with his hand along the ground, and 
 pat the earth down with his palm, as if, having buried some- 
 thing in the earth, he would conceal every trace of it from 
 discovery; and at these moments the Spanish word " oro " 
 — gold — would escape him in a half-sigh, and this, and the 
 word " Guajaqualla," were the only ones I could catch ; but 
 my mind retained both for many a day after. 
 
 At last he crushed the papers hurriedly together, and 
 closed the pocket-book : but in doing so, a single slip of paper 
 fell to the ground. I leaned over, and caught it ; and by the 
 light of the fire I read the following lines, which were in 
 print, and apparently cut from the column of a newspaper : —
 
 127 
 
 ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS REWARD. 
 
 " Any one will be entitled to the above reward who may 
 detect, or give snch information as may lead to fhe detection, 
 of Menelaus Crick, a negro slave, aged forty-eight • he stands 
 six feet two high ; broad chest and shoulders, the right 
 higher than the left ; has marks of the lash on back, and two 
 cutlass scars on the face ; the great toe of the left foot is 
 wanting, and he walks occasionally with difficulty, from a 
 gunshot wound in the spine. 
 
 11 As he is a fellow of resolute character, and great strength, 
 all persons are hereby warned not to attempt his capture, 
 save in sufficient numbers. He was last seen at San Luis, 
 and is supposed to have gone in the direction of Gruajaqualla, 
 where it is said he worked once as a gold- washer, 
 
 " Address. — The Office of the Picayune — Letter — T. G — ■ 
 B— . New Orleans." 
 
 There were a few words in Spanish scrawled on the back. 
 
 " Here is the man ! " said I, looking down on the sleeping 
 figure ; " who would have thought a thousand dollars could 
 be made of him ? " Not, indeed, that I speculated on such an 
 unholy gain. — No, the very offer enlisted my sympathies in 
 favour of the poor wretch ; besides, how many years ago must 
 that advertisement have appeared ; he was forty- eight at that 
 time, and now his age might be nigh eighty. My curiosity 
 became intense to see the contents of the pocket-book, from 
 which I could fancy abundant materials to eke out the negro's 
 history. I am afraid that nothing but the terror of discovery 
 prevented my stealing it. I even planned how it might be 
 done without awaking him ; but the long bright knife which 
 glistened in the strap of his blanket admonished me to pru- 
 dence, and I abstained. 
 
 My fire waxed fainter as the dawn drew nigh, and as I was 
 afraid of sleep coming over me, I stepped noiselessly from the 
 hut, and gained the open air. My first occupation was to 
 hoist the signal ; and as it rose into the air, I watched its 
 massive folds unfurling, with a throb of hope that gave me 
 new courage. The standard was very lofty, and stood upon a 
 mound of earth ; and as the flag itself was large, I had every 
 reason to think it could not escape notice. Scarcely, indeed, 
 had I made fast the halyard, than I beheld on the very verge 
 of the horizon what seemed to be a vessel. The moment of 
 sunrise, like that of sunset, is peculiarly favourable to distinct 
 vision, and as the pink line of dawn sheeted over the sea, the
 
 128 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 dark object stood out clear and sharp ; but the next moment 
 the glare of brighter day covered sky and water together, and 
 I could no longer see the ship. 
 
 In my anxiety to try and catch sight of it from another 
 spot, I hastened down to the shore ; but already a rosy tint 
 was spread over the wide sea, and nothing was discernible 
 except the heaving waves and the streaked sky above 
 them. 
 
 I sat upon a rock straining my eyes, but to no purpose; 
 and at last the cold raw air pierced through me, and I re- 
 membered that I had left my jacket in the hut. But for this, 
 indeed, I would not have returned to it, — for, without absolute 
 fear of the negro, his repulsive features, and scowling look, 
 made his companionship far from pleasurable. His suspicion 
 of me, too, might have led him to some act of violence ; and 
 therefore I determined, if I were even to seek shelter in the 
 Refuge-house at the other end of the island, I would not go 
 back to this one. 
 
 It was some time before I could summon courage to venture 
 back again ; and even when I had reached the door, it was 
 not without a struggle with myself that I dared to enter. 
 The daylight was now streaming in, across the long and 
 dreary chamber, and, encouraged by this, I stepped across the 
 threshold. My first glance was towards the stove, where I 
 had left him lying asleep. The fire had burned out, and the 
 negro was gone ! With cautious steps, and many a prying 
 glance around, I ventured forward, my heart thumping with 
 a fear I cannot explain, — since his very presence had not 
 caused such terror ; but nowhere was he to be found — not a 
 trace of him remained. Indeed, were it not for the scrap of 
 printed paper, which I had carefully preserved, I should have 
 believed the whole events of the night to be the mere fancies 
 of a dream. 
 
 Twice was I obliged to take it from my pocket and read it 
 over, to assure myself that I was not pursuing some halluci- 
 nation of sleep ; and if I felt convinced that the events were 
 real, and had actually happened, I will frankly own that the 
 reality inspired me with a sense of fear which no memory of 
 a mere vision could have inspired. 
 
 Daylight is a bold companion, however, and where night 
 would make the heart beat fast, and the cheek pale, the sun 
 will give a strong pulse and a ruddy face. This I could not 
 help feeling, as I acknowledged to myself that had it been yet 
 dark, I had rather have perished with cold than sought for 
 my jacket within the hut.
 
 " MEANS AND MEDITATIONS." 129 
 
 At last, grown bolder, I had even courage to seek for the 
 negro on every side. I examined the berths along the walls ; 
 I searched the recesses beside the biscuit-casks ; I removed 
 planks and turned over sails, but without success. The 
 difficulty with which he moved made this seem doubly strange, 
 and satisfied me that his place of concealment could not be 
 far off; nay, possibly, at that very moment he might be 
 actually watching me, and waiting for a favourable instant to 
 pounce upon me. This dread increased as my search con- 
 tinued to be fruitless ; so that I abandoned the pursuit, assured 
 that I had done everything that could have been asked either 
 of my courage or humanity, nor was I sorry to assure myself 
 that I had done enough. 
 
 My interest in the subject was soon superseded by one 
 nearer to my heart ; for as I left the hut I beheld, about four 
 miles off, a large three-masted vessel bearing up the gulf, with 
 all her canvas spread. Forgetting the distance, and every- 
 thing save my longing to be free, I ascended a little eminence, 
 and shouted witb all my might, waving my handkerchief back 
 and forward above my head. I cannot de-cribe the transport 
 of delight I felt, at perceiving that a flag was hoisted to the 
 main peak, and soon after lowered — a recognition of the 
 signal which floated above me. I even cried aloud with joy, 
 and then, in the eagerness of my ecstasy, I set off along the 
 shore, seeking out the best place for a boat to run in. 
 
 Never did a ship appear so glorious an object to my eyes ; 
 her spars seemed more taper, her sails more snowy, her bear- 
 ing prouder, than ever a vessel owned before ; and when at 
 length I could distinguish the figures of men in the rigging, 
 my heart actually leaped to my mouth with delight. 
 
 At last she backed her topsail, and now I saw shooting out 
 from beneath her tall sides a light pinnace, that skimmed the 
 water like a sea-bird. As if they saw me, they headed exactly 
 towards where I stood, and ran the craft into a little bay just 
 at my feet. A crew of four sailors and coxswain now jumped 
 ashore, and advanced towards me. 
 
 " Are there many of you ? " said the coxswain, gruffly, and 
 as though nothing were a commoner occurrence in life than to 
 rescue a poor forlorn fellow-creature from an uninhabited rock. 
 
 " I am alone, sir," said I, almost bursting into tears, for 
 mingled joy and disappointment ; for I was, I own it, dis- 
 appointed at the want of sympathy for my lone condition. 
 
 " What ship did you belong to, boy ? " asked he, as shortly 
 as before. 
 
 " A yacht, sir — the Firefly" 
 
 K
 
 130 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN 
 
 " Ah, that's it ; so they shoved you ashore here. That's 
 what comes of sailing with gentlemen, as they calls 'em." 
 
 "No, sir ; we landed — a few of us — during a calm " 
 
 " Ay, ay," he broke in, " I know all that — the old story ; 
 you landed to shoot rabbits, and somehow you got separated 
 from the others ; the wind sprung up meantime — the yacht 
 fired a gun to come off — eh, isn't that it ! Come, my lad, no 
 gammon with me. You're some infernal young scamp that 
 was ' had up ' for punishment, and they either put you ashore 
 here for the rats, or you jumped overboard yourself, and 
 floated hither on a spare hen-coop. But never mind — we'il 
 give you a run to Quebec ; jump in." 
 
 I followed the order with alacrity, and soon found myself 
 on board the Hampden transport, which was conveying the 
 — th Regiment of Foot to Canada. 
 
 " No one but this here boy, sir," said the coxswain ; shoving 
 me before him towards the skipper, who, amidst a crowd of 
 officers in undress, sat smoking on the after-deck. 
 
 A very significant grunt seemed to imply that the vessel's 
 way was lost for very slight cause. 
 
 " He says as how he belonged to a yacht, sir," resumed the 
 coxswain. 
 
 " Whose yacht, boy ? " asked one of the officers. 
 
 " Sir Dudley Broughton's, sir ; the Firefly" said I. 
 
 " Eroughton ! Broughton!" said an old shrewd-looking 
 man, in a foraging-cap ; " don't you know all about him ? but, 
 to be sure, he was before your day ;" and then changing his 
 discourse to French, with which language, thanks to my kind 
 old friend Father Rush, I was sufficiently acquainted to 
 understand what was said — he added, " Sir Dudley was in 
 the Life Guards, once ; his wife eloped with a Russian or a 
 Polish Count — I forget which — and he became deranged in 
 consequence. Were you long with Sir Dudley, boy ? " asked 
 he, addressing me in English. 
 
 " Not quite two months, sir." 
 
 " Not a bad spell with such a master ! " resumed he, in 
 French ; " if the stories they tell of him be true. How did 
 you happen to be left on Anticosti ? " 
 
 " No use in asking, captain ! " broke in the skipper. "You 
 ne^er get a word of truth from chaps like that ; go for'ard, 
 boy. ' 
 
 And with this brief direction I was dismissed. All my 
 fancied heroism — all my anticipated glory — vanishing at 
 once ; the only thought my privations excited, being that I 
 was a young scamp — who, if he told truth, would confess that
 
 "means and meditations." 131 
 
 all liis sufferings and misfortunes had been but too well 
 merited. 
 
 This was another lesson to me in life, and one which 
 perhaps I could not have acquired more thoroughly than by 
 a few days on Anticosti. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 "a glimpse of another opening in life.' 
 
 Although only a few hundred miles from Quebec, our voyage 
 still continued for several days ; the Hampden, like all trans- 
 port-ships, was only " great in a calm," and the Gulf-stream 
 being powerful enough to retard far better sailers. 
 
 To those who, like myself, were not pressed for time, or 
 had no very pleasing vista opening to them on shore, the 
 voyage was far from disagreeable. As the channel narrowed, 
 the tall mountains of Vermont came into view, and gradually 
 the villages on the shore could be detected — small, dark 
 clusters, in the midst of what appeared interminable pine 
 forests. Here and there less pleasant sights presented them- 
 selves, in the shape of dismasted hulks, being the remains of 
 vessels which had got fastened in the ice of the early " fall," 
 and were deserted by the crews. 
 
 On the whole it was novelty, and novelty alone, lent any 
 charm to the picture ; for the shores of the Gulf, until you 
 come within two days' journey of Quebec, are sadly dis- 
 couraging and dreary. The Log-house is itself a mournful 
 object ; and when seen standing alone in some small clearing, 
 with blackened stumps studding the space, through which 
 two or three figures are seen to move, is inexpressibly sad- 
 looking and solitary. 
 
 Now and then we would pass some little town, with a 
 humble imitation of a harbour for shipping, and a quay; and 
 in the midst a standard, with a flag, would denote that some 
 Government official resided there, — the reward, doubtless, of 
 some gallant deed, some bold achievement afloat ; for I heard 
 that they were chiefly lieutenants in the navy, who, having 
 
 k 2
 
 132 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 more intimacy with French grape and canister than with 
 " First Lords," were fain to spend the remnant of their days 
 in these gloomiest of exiles. 
 
 The absence of all signs of life and movement in the 
 picture, cannot fail to depress the spectator. No team of 
 oxen draws the loaded waggon along ; not a plough is seen. 
 There are no gatherings of people in the open places of the 
 towns ; no cattle can be descried on the hills. The settle- 
 ments appear like the chance resting-places of men travelling 
 through the dark forests, and not their homes for life. At 
 times a single figure would be seen on some high cliff above 
 the sea, standing motionless, and, to all seeming, watching 
 the ship. I cannot say how deeply such a sight always 
 affected me ; and I could not help fancying him some lone 
 emigrant, following with beating heart the track he was 
 never again to travel. 
 
 Apparently, these things made a deeper impression on me 
 than upon most others on board. As for the soldiers, they 
 were occupied with getting their arms and equipments in 
 order, to make a respectable appearance on landing. It was 
 one eternal scene of soap and pipeclay all day long ; and 
 creatures barely able to crawl, from sea-sickness and debility, 
 were obliged to scour and polish away, as if the glory of 
 England depended upon the show the gallant — th would 
 make, the day we should set foot on shore. The skipper, too, 
 was bent on making an equally imposing show to the lands- 
 men ; his weather topmasts were stowed away, and in their 
 place were hoisted some light and taper spars, not exactly in 
 accordance with the lubberly hull beneath. Pitch and white 
 paint were in great requisition too ; and every day saw some 
 half-dozen of the crew suspended over the side, either scraping 
 or painting for the very life. Many a shirt dangled from the 
 boom and more than one low-crowned hat received a fresh 
 coat of glistening varnish : all were intent on the approaching 
 landing, even to the group of lounging officers on the poop, 
 who had begun to reduce their beards and whiskers to a 
 more "regulation" standard, and who usually passed the morn- 
 ing inspecting epaulettes and sw T ord-knots, cliakos, gorgets, 
 and such like, with the importance of men who felt what 
 havoc among the fair Canadians they were soon about to 
 inflict. 
 
 My services were in request among this section of the 
 passengers, since I had become an expert hand at cleaning 
 arms and equipments with Sir Dudley; besides that, not 
 wearing his Majesty's cloth, the officers were at liberty to
 
 "a glimpse of another opening in life." 1C3 
 
 talk to me with a freedom they could not have used with 
 their men. They were all more or less curious to hear about 
 Sir Dudley, of whom, without transgressing Halkett's 
 caution, I was able to relate some amusing particulars. As 
 my hearers invariably made their comments on my narratives 
 in French, I was often amused to hear them record their 
 opinions of myself, expressed with perfect candour in my 
 own presence. The senior officer was a Captain Pike, an 
 old, keen-eyed, pock-marked man, with a nose as thin as a 
 sheet of parchment. He seemed to read me like a book ; at 
 least, so far as I knew, his opinions perfectly divined my 
 true character. 
 
 " Our friend Con," he would say, " is an uncommonly 
 sl^ewd varlet, but he is only telling us some of the truth ; lie 
 sees that he is entertaining enough, and won't produce 
 'Lafitte,' so long as we enjoy his ' Ordinaire.' " 
 
 " Now what will become of such a fellow as that ? " asked 
 another; " heaven knows! such rascals turn out consummate 
 scoundrels, or rise to positions of eminence. Never was 
 there a more complete lottery than the life of a young rogue 
 like that." 
 
 " I can't fancy," drawled out a young subaltern, "how an 
 ignorant cur, without education, manners, and means, can 
 ever rise to anything." 
 
 "Who can say whether he has not all these?" said the 
 captain, quietly. " Trust me, Carrington, you'd cut a much 
 poorer figure in his place, than would he in yours." 
 
 The ensign gave a haughty laugh, and the captain resumed : 
 " I said, it were not impossible that he had each of the three 
 requisites you spoke of, and I repeat it. He may, without 
 possessing learning, have picked up that kind of rudimentary 
 knowledge, that keenness and zeal improve on every day ; 
 and as for tact and address such fellows possess both as a 
 birthright. I have a plan in my head for the youngster ; 
 but you must all pledge yourselves to secrecy, or I'll not 
 venture upon it." 
 
 Here a very general chorus of promises and " on honours " 
 broke forth : after the subsidence of which, Captain Pike 
 continued, still, however, in French ; and although being far 
 from a proficient in that tongue, I was able to follow the 
 tenor of his discourse, and divine its meaning, particularly 
 as, from time to time, some of the listeners would propound 
 a question or two in English, by the aid of which I invariably 
 contrived to keep up with the " argument." 
 
 "You know, lads," said the captain, " that our old friend,
 
 184 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 Mrs. Davis, who keeps the boarding-house in the Upper 
 Town, has been always worrying us to bring her out what 
 she calls a first-rate man-servant from England ; by which 
 she means, a creature capable of subsisting on quarter rations, 
 and who, too far from home to turn restive, must put up with 
 any wages. The very fact that he came out special she well 
 knows, will be a puff for the ' Establishment ' among the 
 Canadian Members of Parliament, and the small fry of 
 officials who dine at the house ; and as to qualifications, who 
 will dare question the c London footman ' ? " 
 
 "Pooh, pooh!" broke in Carrington; "that fellow don't 
 look like a London footman." 
 
 " Who says he does?" retorted the captain; "who ever 
 said brass buttons and blue beads were gold and turquoise? 
 but they pass for the same in villages not fifty miles from 
 where we are sailing. Mother Davis was wife of a skipper 
 in the timber trade, who died harbour-master here ; she is 
 not a very likely person to be critical about a butler or foot- 
 man's accomplishments." 
 
 " By Jove ! " cried another, " Pike is all right ! go on with 
 your plan." 
 
 " My plan is this : we'll dress up our friend Con, here, — 
 give him a few lessons about waiting at table, delivering a 
 message, and so forth, — furnish him with a jolly set of 
 characters, — and start him on the road of life with Mother 
 Davis." 
 
 A merry roar of approving laughter broke forth from the 
 party, at this brief summary of Captain Pike's intentions ; 
 and indeed, it was not without great difficulty I avoided 
 joining in it. 
 
 " He looks so devilish young ! " said Carrington; " he can't 
 be fifteen." 
 
 " Possibly not fourteen," said Pike ; " but we'll shave his 
 head, and give him a wig. I'll answer for the ' make up ; ' 
 and as I have had some experience of private theatricals, 
 "°ly on't he'll pass muster." 
 
 " How will you dress him, Pike ? " 
 
 " In livery, — a full suit of snuff-brown, lined with yellow ; 
 I'll devote a large cloak I have to the purpose, and we'll set 
 the tailor at work to-day." 
 
 " Is he to have shorts ? " 
 
 " Of course ; some of you must ' stand ' silk stockings for 
 him, for we shall have to turn him out with a good kit." 
 
 A very generous burst of promises here broke in, about 
 shirts, vests, cravats, gloves, and other wearables, which, I
 
 "a glimpse of another opening in life." 135 
 
 own it, gave the whole contrivance a far brighter colouring 
 in my eyes, than when it offered to be a mere lark. 
 
 " Will the rogue consent, think you ? " asked Carrington. 
 
 " Will he prefer a bed, and a dinner, to nothing to eat, and 
 a siesta under the planks on the quays of Quebec ? " asked 
 Pike, contemptuously. " Look at the fellow ! watch his keen 
 eyes and his humorous mouth when he's speaking to you, 
 and say if he wouldn't do the thing for the fun of it? Not 
 ! rat a right clever chap like him will see something besides a 
 joke in the whole contrivance." 
 
 " I foresee he'll break down at the first go off," said Car- 
 riugton ; who, through all the controversy, seemed impressed 
 with the very humblest opinion of my merits 
 
 " I forsee exactly the reverse," said Pike. "I've seldom 
 met a more acute youngster, nor one readier to take up your 
 meaning ; and if the varlet doesn't get spoilt by education, 
 but simply follows out the bent of his own shrewd intelli- 
 gence, he'll do well yet." 
 
 " You rate him more highly than I do," said Carrington 
 again. 
 
 " Not impossible either ; we take our soundings with very 
 dissimilar lead-lines," said Pike, scoffingly. " My opinion is 
 formed by hearing the boy's own observations about character 
 and life, when he was speaking of Broughton ; but if you 
 were ten times as right about him, and I twice as many times 
 in the wrong, he'll do for what I intend him." 
 
 The others expressed their full concurrence in the captain's 
 view of the matter — voted me a phoenix of all young vaga- 
 bonds, and their brother- officer Carrington a down-right ass, 
 both being my own private sentiments to the letter. 
 
 And now for an honest avowal ! It was the flattery of 
 my natural acuteness — the captain's panegyric on my aptitude 
 and smartness — that won me over to a concurrence in the 
 scheme ; for, at heart, I neither liked the notion of " service," 
 nor the prospect of the abstemious living he had so pointedly 
 alluded to. Still, to justify the favourable impression he had 
 conceived of me, and also with some half hope that I should 
 see "life" — the ruling passion of my mind — under a new 
 aspect, I resolved to accept the proposition so soon as 
 it should be made to me : nor had I long to wait that 
 moment. 
 
 " Con, my lad," said the captain, " you may leave that belt 
 there; come aft here, — I want to speak to you. What are 
 your plans when you reach Quebec ? Do you mean to look 
 after your old master, Sir Dudley, again?"
 
 136 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 "No, sir: I have had enough of salt water for a time — I'll 
 keep my feet on dry land now." 
 
 "But what line of life do you propose to follow ? " 
 
 I hesitated for the answer and was silent. 
 
 " I mean," resumed he, " is it your intention to become a 
 farm-servant with some of the emigrant families, or will you 
 seek for employment in the town? " 
 
 " Or would you like to enlist, my lad?" broke in another. 
 
 " No, thank you, sir ; promotion is slow from the ranks, 
 and I've a notion one ought to move ' up/ as they move ' on,' 
 in life." 
 
 "Listen to the varlet now," said Pike, in French; "the 
 fellow's as cool with us as if we were exactly his equals, and 
 no more. I'll tell you what it is, lads," added he, seriously, 
 " when such rogues journey the road of life singly, they raise 
 themselves to station and eminence ; but when they herd 
 together in masses, these are the fellows who pull others 
 down, and effect the most disastrous social revolutions. So 
 you'll not be a soldier, Con ? " added he, resuming the 
 vernacular ; " well, what are your ideas as to the civil 
 service ? " 
 
 " Anything to begin with, sir." 
 
 " Quite right, lad — well said ; a fair start is all you ask ? " 
 
 " Why, sir, I carry no weight, either in the shape of goods 
 or character; and if a light equipment gives speed, I've a 
 chance to be placed well." 
 
 The captain gave a side-glance at the others, as though to 
 say, " Was I correct in my opinion of this fellow ? " and then 
 went on, — ■" I have a thought in my head for you, Con : 
 there is a lady of my acquaintance at Quebec wants a servant : 
 now if you could pick up some notion of the duties, I've no 
 doubt you'd learn the remainder rapidly." 
 
 " I used to wait on Sir Dudley, sir, and am therefore not 
 entirely ignorant." 
 
 " Very true ; and as these gentlemen and myself will put 
 you into training while the voyage lasts, I hope you'll do us 
 credit in the end." 
 
 " Much will depend on my mistress, sir," said I,- — deter- 
 mining to profit by what I had overheard, but yet not use the 
 knowledge rashly or unadvisedly. " Should she not be very 
 exacting and very particular, but have a little patience with 
 me, accepting zeal for skill, I've no doubt, sir, I'll not dis- 
 credit your recommendation." 
 
 " That's the very point I'm coming to, Con," said the 
 caotain, lowering his voice to a most confidential tone. " The
 
 137 
 
 true state of the case is this ; " — and here he entered upon 
 an explanation, which I need not trouble the reader by re- 
 capitulating, since it merely went the length I have already 
 related, save that he added, in conclusion, this important 
 piece of information. 
 
 " Your golden rule, in every difficulty, will then be, to 
 assure Mrs. Davis that you always did so, whatever it may 
 be, when you were living with Lord George, or Sir Charles, 
 or the Bishop of Drone. You understand me — eh ? " 
 
 " I think so, sir," said I, brightening up, and at the same 
 time stealing an illustration from my old legal practices. 
 " In Mrs. Davis' Court there are no precedents." 
 
 " Exactly, Con ; hit the nail on the very head, my boy ! " 
 
 " It will not be a very difficult game, sir, if the guests are 
 like the mistress." 
 
 " So they are, for the most part ; now and then, you'll 
 have a military and naval officer at table, and you'll be obliged 
 to look out sharp, and not let them detect you ; but with 
 the skippers of merchantmen, dockyard people, storekeepers, 
 male and female, I fancy, you can hold your own." 
 
 " Why, sir, I hope they'll be satisfied with the qualification 
 that contented my former titled masters," said I, with a 
 knowing twinkle of the eye, he seemed to relish prodigiously, 
 and an assumed tone of voice, that suited well the part I was 
 to play. 
 
 " Come down below, now, and we'll write your characters 
 for you ; " and so he beckoned the others to accompany him 
 to the cabin, whither I followed them. 
 
 An animated debate ensued as to the number and nature of 
 the certificates I ought to possess. Some being of opinion 
 that I should have those of every kind and degree ; others 
 alleging that my age forbade the likelihood of my having 
 served in more than two or three situations. 
 
 " What say you to this, lads ? " said Pike, reading from a 
 rough and much-corrected draft before him. 
 
 " The bearer, Cornelius Cregan, has lived in my service ten 
 months as a page ; he is scrupulously honest, active, and in- 
 telligent, well acquainted with the duties of his station, and 
 competent to discharge them in the first families. I now 
 dismiss him at his own request. Cecilia Mkndleshaw." 
 
 " Gad ! I'd rather make him start as what they call in his 
 own country a ' Tay-boy,' " said Carrington, " one of those 
 bits of tarnished gold- lace and gaiters seen about the out- 
 skirts of Dublin." 
 
 " Your honour is right, sir," said I, " glad to show myse'f
 
 138 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CKEGAN. 
 
 above any absurd vanity on the score of my early beginning ; 
 a ' Tay-boy,' on the Rathmines road, able to drive a jaunting 
 car, and wait at table." 
 
 " That's the mark, I believe," said Pike. " Suppose, then, 
 we say, Con Cregan has served me twelve months, waited at 
 table, and taken care of a horse and car." 
 
 " Ah, sir ! " said I, sure an Irish gentleman with a ' Tay- 
 boy ' would be finer spoken than that. It would be, I certify- 
 that Cornelius Cregan, who served in my establishment as 
 under butler, and occasionally assisting the coachman, is a 
 most respectable servant, well-mannered and respectful, 
 having always lived in high situations, and with the most 
 distinguished individuals." 
 
 "Ah, that's it," broke in Carrington ; " understands lamps, 
 and is perfectly competent to make jellies, soups, and 
 preserves." 
 
 " Confound it, man ! you're making him a cook." 
 
 " By Jove, so I was ; it's so hard to remember what the 
 fellow is." 
 
 " I think we may leave it to himself," said Pike ; " he seems 
 to have a very good notion of what is necessary ; so, Master 
 Con, write your own biography, my lad, and we'll give it all 
 the needful currency of handwriting and seal." 
 
 " It's a pity you're a Papist," said another, " or you could 
 have such a recommendation from a ' serious family,' I 
 know of, in Surrey." 
 
 " Never mind," rejoined the captain, " one signed ' P. O. 
 Dowdlum, Bishop of Toronia,' will do even better in the 
 Lower Province." 
 
 " Exactly, sir ; and, as I used to serve mass once, I can 
 ' come out strong ' about my early training with ' his 
 grace!' " 
 
 " Yery well," said Pike; "tell the tailor to take your 
 measure for the livery, and you'll wait on us to-day at 
 table." With this order I was dismissed to con over my 
 fictitious and speculate on my true " character."
 
 139 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 QUEBEC. 
 
 As viewed from Diamond Harbour, a more striking city than 
 Quebec is seldom seen. The great rock rising above the 
 lower town, and crowned with its batteries, all bristling with 
 guns, seemed to my eyes the very realization of impregna- 
 bility. I looked from the ship that lay tranquilly on the 
 water below, and whose decks were thronged with blue 
 jackets — to the Highlander who paced his short path as 
 sentry, some hundred feet high upon the wall of the fortress ; 
 and I thought to myself, with such defenders as these, that 
 standard yonder need never carry any other banner. 
 
 The whole view is panoramic. The bending of the river 
 shuts out the channel by which you have made your ap- 
 proach, giving the semblance of a lake on whose surface 
 vessels of every nation lie at anchor, some with the sails 
 hung out to dry, gracefully drooping from the taper spars; 
 others refitting again for sea, and loading the huge pine- 
 trunks, moored as vast rafts to the stern. There were people 
 everywhere; all was motion, life, and activity. Jolly-boats 
 with twenty oars, man-of-war gigs bounding rapidly past 
 them with eight; canoes skimming by without a ripple, and 
 seemingly without impulse, till you caught sight of the loung- 
 ing figure who lay at full length in the stern, and whose 
 red features were scarce distinguishable from the coppered- 
 coloured bark of his boat. Some moved upon the rafts, and 
 even on single trunks of trees, as, separated from the mass, 
 they floated down on the swift current, boat-hook in hand, to 
 catch at the first object chance might offer them. The quays, 
 and the streets leading down to them, were all thronged; 
 and, as you cast your eye upwards, here and there above 
 the tall ro. >fs might be seen the winding flight of stairs that 
 lead to the upper town, alike dark with the moving tide of 
 men. Ou every embrasure and gallery, on every terrace and 
 platform, it was the same. Never did I behold such a human 
 tide! 
 
 Now, there was something amazingly inspiriting in all this, 
 particularly when coming from the solitude and monotony of
 
 140 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 a long voyage. The very voices that ye-hoed ; the hoarse 
 challenge of the sentinels on the rock ; the busy hum of the 
 town — made delicious music to my ear ; and I could have 
 stood and leaned over the bulwark for hours to gaze at the 
 scene. I own no higher interest invested the picture, for I 
 was ignorant of Wolfe. I had never heard of Montcalm ; 
 the plains of " Abra'm " were to me but grassy slopes, and 
 " nothing more." It was the life and stir — the tide of that 
 human ocean, on which I longed myself to be a swimmer — 
 these were what charmed me. Nor was the deck of the old 
 Hampden inactive all the while, although seldom attracting 
 much of my notice. Soldiers were mustering, knapsacks 
 packing, rolls calling, belts buffing, and coats brushing on all 
 sides; men grumbling ; sergeants cursing ; officers swearing ; 
 half-dressed invalids popping up their heads out of hatch- 
 ways, answering to wrong names, and doctors ordering them 
 down again with many an anathema ; soldiers in the way of 
 sailors, and sailors always hauling at something that inter- 
 fered with the inspection-drill ; every one in the wrong 
 place, and each cursing his neighbour for stupidity. 
 
 At last the shore-boats boarded us, as if our confusion 
 wanted anything to increase it. Red-faced harbour-masters 
 shook hands with the skipper and pilot, and disappeared into 
 the " round-house " to discuss grog and the late gales. 
 Officers from the garrison came out to welcome their friends 
 — for it was the second battalion we had on board of a regi- 
 ment whose first had been some years in Canada — and then 
 what a rush of inquiries were exchanged. " How's the 
 Duke ? " " All quiet in England ? " " No signs of war in 
 Europe?" " Are the 8th come home ? " "Where's Forbes ?" 
 " Has Davern sold out?" — with a mass of such small in- 
 terests as engage men who live in coteries. 
 
 Then there were emissaries for newspapers, eagerly hunt- 
 ing for spicy rumours not found in the last journals ; waiters 
 of hotels, porters, boatmen, guides, Indians with moccasins to 
 sell, and a hundred other functionaries bespeaking custom 
 and patronage ; and, although often driven over the side most 
 ignominiously at one moment, certain to reappear the next at 
 the opposite gangway. 
 
 How order could ever be established in this floating Babel 
 I knew not, and yet at last all got into train somehow. 
 
 First one large boat crammed with men, who sat even on 
 the gunwales, moved slowly away; then another and another 
 followed; a lubberly thing, half lighter half jolly-boat, was 
 soon loaded with baggage — amid which some soldiers' wives
 
 QUEBEC. 141 
 
 and a scattering population of babies were seen ; till by de- 
 grees the deck was cleared, and none remained of all that 
 vast multitude, save the "mate" and the "watch;" who 
 proceeded to get things " ship-shape," pretty much in the 
 same good-tempered spirit servants are accustomed to put 
 the drawing-rooms to rights, after an entertainment which 
 has kept them up till daylight, and allows of no time for 
 sleep. Till then I had not the slightest conception of what 
 a voyage ended meant, and that when the anchor dropped 
 from the bow a scene of bustle ensued to which nothing at 
 sea bore any proportion. Now, 1 had no friends — no one 
 came to welcome me — none asked for my name. The officers, 
 even the captain, in the excitement of arriving, had forgotten 
 all about me ; so that when the mate put the question to me, 
 " why I didn't go ashore ? " I had no other answer to give 
 him than the honest one, " that I had nothing to do when I 
 got there." " I suppose you know how to gain a livin' one 
 way or t'other, my lad?" said he, with a very disparaging 
 glance out of the corner of his eye. 
 
 " I am ashamed to say, sir, that I do not." 
 " Well, I never see'd Picaroons starve, that's a comfort you 
 have ; but as we don't mean to mess you here, you'd better 
 get your kit on deck, and prepare to go ashore." 
 
 Now the kit alluded to was the chest of clothes given to 
 me by the captain, which, being bestowed for a particular 
 purpose, and with an object now seemingly abandoned or 
 forgotten, I began to feel scruples as to my having any claim 
 to. Like an actor whose engagement had been for one part, 
 I did not think myself warranted in carrying away the ward- 
 robe of my character ; besides, who should tell how the captain 
 might resent such conduct on my side. I might be treated as 
 a thief! — I, Con Cregan, who had registered a solemn vow 
 in my own heart to be a " gentleman : " such an indignity 
 should not be entertained even in thought. Yet was it very 
 hard for one in possession of such an admirable wardrobe to 
 want a dinner — for one so luxuriously apparelled on the 
 outside, to be so lamentably unprovided within. From the 
 solution of this knotty question I was most fortunately 
 preserved by the arrival of a corporal of the — th, who came 
 with an order from Captain Pike, that I should at once repair 
 to his quarters in the Upper Town. 
 
 Not being perhaps in his captain's confidence, nor having 
 any very clear notion of my precise station in life — for 
 I was dressed in an old cloak and a foraging cap — the 
 corporal delivered his message to me with a military salute,
 
 142 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 and a certain air of deference very grateful to my feel- 
 ings. 
 
 " Have you a boat alongside, corporal ? " said I, as I 
 lounged listlessly on the binnacle. 
 
 " Yes, sir ; a pair of oars — will that do ? " 
 
 11 Yes, that will do," replied I, negligently ; u see my traps 
 safe on board, and tell me when all's ready." 
 
 The corporal saluted once more, and went to give the 
 necessary directions : meanwhile the mate, who had been a 
 most amazed spectator of the scene, came over and stood 
 right opposite me, with an expression of the most ludicrous 
 doubt and hesitation. It was just at that moment that, in 
 drawing the cloak round me, I discovered in a pocket of it 
 an old cigar-case. I took it out with the most easy non- 
 chalance, and leisurely striking a light, began smoking away, 
 and not bestowing even a glance at my neighbour. 
 
 Astonishment had so completely gotten the better of the 
 man, that he could not utter a word ; and I perceived that 
 he had to look over the side, where the boat lay, to assure 
 himself that the whole was reality. 
 
 " All right, sir," said the corporal, carrying his hand to 
 his cap. 
 
 I arose languidly from my recumbent position, and followed 
 the soldier to the gangway ; then turning slowly around, I 
 surveyed the mate from head to foot, with a glance of mild 
 but contemptuous pity, while I said, " In your station, my 
 good man, the lesson is perhaps not called for, since you may 
 rarely be called on to exercise it ; but I would wish to observe, 
 that you will save yourself much humiliation, and consider- 
 able contempt, by not taking people for what they seem by 
 externals." With this grave admonition, delivered in a half- 
 theatrical tone of voice, I draped my " toga," so as to hide 
 any imperfection of my interior costume, and descended 
 majestically into the boat. 
 
 When we reached the barrack, which was in the Upper 
 Town, the captain was at mess ; but had left orders that I 
 should have my dinner, and be ready at his quarters, in my 
 full livery, in the evening. 
 
 I dined, very much to my satisfaction, on some of the 
 " debris " of the mess ; and under the auspices of the captain's 
 servant, arrayed myself in my new finery, which, I am free 
 to confess, presented what artists would call " a flashy bit of 
 colour ;" being far more in the style of Horace Vernet than 
 Van Dyke. Had the choice been given me, I own I should 
 have preferred wooing Fortune in more sombre habiliments :
 
 QUEBEC. 143 
 
 but this was a mere minor consideration — and so I felt, as I 
 found myself standing alone in the captain's sitting room, 
 and endeavouring to accustom myself to my own very showy 
 identity, as reflected in a large cheval glass, which exhibited 
 me down to the very buckles of my shoes. 
 
 I will not affirm it positively, but only throw it out as a 
 hint, that the major part of a decanter of sherry, which I 
 discussed at dinner, aided in lifting me above the paltry con- 
 sideration of mere appearance, and made me feel what I have 
 often heard ragged vagabonds in the streets denominate, 
 " the dignity of a man." By degrees, too, I not only grew 
 reconciled to the gaudy costume, but began — strange 
 accommodation of feeling — actually to enjoy its distinctive 
 character. 
 
 " There are young gentlemen, Con," said I, in soliloquy, 
 " many are there who would look absurd merry-andrews if 
 dressed in this fashion. There are fellows to whom this kind 
 of thing would be a sore test ! These bright tints would play 
 the very devil with their complexion — not to mention that 
 every one's legs couldn't afford such publicity ! But Con, my 
 friend, you have a natural aptitude for every shade of colour, 
 and for every station and condition. Courage, my boy ! 
 although in the rear rank at present, you'll march in the van 
 yet. Nature has been gracious with you, Mr. Cregan ! " said 
 I, warming with the subject, while with my hands deep down 
 in my coat-pockets, I walked backward and forward before 
 the glass, stealing sidelong glances at myself as I passed ; 
 " there are fellows who, born in your station, would have died 
 in it, without a bit more influence over their fate in this life 
 than a Poldoody oyster ; they'd vegetate to the end of existence, 
 and slip out of the world, as a fellow shirks out of a shebeen- 
 house when he hasn't tu'pence for another ' dandy' of punch. 
 Not so with you, Con Cregan ! You have hydrogen in you— 
 you have the buoyant element that soars above the vulgar 
 herd. These are not the partial sentiments of a dear friend, 
 Con ; they are the current opinions of the world about you. 
 How soon the ' Captain ' saw what stuff you were made of. 
 How long was old Pike in detecting the latent powers of 
 your intellect ? " What a shout of laughter followed these 
 words ! It came from half a dozen officers, who, having 
 entered the room during my apostrophe, had concealed them- 
 selves behind a screen to listen to the peroration. 
 
 They now rushed out in a body, and throwing themselves 
 into chairs and upon sofas, laughed till the very room rang 
 with the clamour, the captain himself joining in the emotion
 
 144 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 with all his heart. As for me, however self-satisfied but one 
 moment back, I was humbled to the very earth now ; the 
 vauntings by which I had been soothing my vanity were 
 suddenly turned into scoffs and sneers at my self-conceit, and 
 I actually looked to see if I could not leap out of the window, 
 and never be seen by one of the party again. The window, 
 however, was barred — the door was unapproachable — there 
 was a fire in the grate — and so, as escape was denied me, I 
 at once abandoned a plan which I saw unfeasible ; and with 
 a quickness to which I owe much in life, immediately adopted 
 an opposite tactic. Assuming a deferential position, I drew 
 back towards the wall, to be laughed at, as long as the honour- 
 able company should fancy it. 
 
 " So, Mr. Cregan, " cried one, drying his eyes with his 
 handkerchief, " modesty is one of those invaluable gifts with 
 which nature has favoured you ? " 
 
 " I sincerely trust it may be no bar to your advancement," 
 said another. 
 
 " Kather cruel," added a third, " to be balked for such a 
 mere trifle." 
 
 " I say, Pike," added another, " I rather envy you the 
 insinuated flattery of your discrimination. It would seem 
 that you detected the precious metal here at once." 
 
 " What country do you come from, boy ? " said a hard- 
 featured old officer, who had laughed less than the others. 
 
 "How can you ask, Chudleigh ? " said another; "there's 
 only one land rears that plant." 
 
 " There's a weed very like it in Scotland, M'Aldine," said 
 the captain, with a grin which the last speaker did not half 
 relish. 
 
 " You're Hirish, ain't you ? " said a very boyish-looking 
 ensign, with sore eyes. 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 "Very much so, I fancy," said he, laughing as though he 
 had been very droll. 
 
 " I always heard your countrymen had wings ; what has 
 become of them ? *' 
 
 " I believe we used to have, sir ; but the English plucked 
 us," said I, with a look of assumed simplicity. 
 
 " And what is all that about the Blarney stone?" said 
 another ; " isn't there some story or other about it ? " 
 
 " It's a stone they kiss in my country, sir, to give us a 
 smooth tongue." 
 
 " I don't see the great use of that," rejoined he, with a 
 stupid look.
 
 QUEBEC. 145 
 
 " It's mighty useful at times, sir," said I, with a half 
 glance towards Captain Pike. 
 
 " You're too much, gentlemen, far too much for my poor 
 friend Con," said the captain : " you forget that he's only a 
 poor Irish lad. Come, now, let us rather think of starting 
 him in the world, with something to keep the devil out of 
 his pocket." And with this kind suggestion, he chucked a 
 dollar into his cap ; and then commenced a begging tour of 
 the room, which, I am ready to confess, showed the company 
 to be far more generous than they were witty. 
 
 " Here, Master Con," said he, as he poured the contents 
 into my two hands, " here is wherewithal to pay your footing 
 at Mrs. Davis's. As a traveller from the old country, you'll 
 be expected to entertain the servants' hall — do it liberally ; 
 there's nothing like a bold push at the first go off." 
 
 " I know it, sir ; my father used to say that the gentleman 
 always won his election who made most freeholders drunk the 
 first day of the poll." 
 
 " Your father was a man of keen observation, Con." 
 
 " And is, sir, vstill, with your leave, if kangaroo meat hasn't 
 disagreed with him, and left me to sustain the honours of 
 the house." 
 
 "Oh, that's it, Con, is it? " said Captain Pike, with a sly 
 glance. 
 
 ' fc Yes, sir, that's it," said I, replying more to his look than 
 his words. 
 
 " Here's the letter for Mrs. Davis— you'll present it early 
 to-morrow ; be discreet — keep your own counsel, and I've no 
 doubt you'll do well." 
 
 " I'd be an ungrateful vagabond, if I made your honour 
 out a false prophet," said I; and bowing respectfully to the 
 company, 1 withdrew. 
 
 " What a wonderful principle of equilibrium exists be- 
 tween one's heart and one's pocket ! " thought I, as I went 
 downstairs. " I never felt the former so light as now that the 
 latter is heavy." 
 
 1 wandered out into the town, somewhat puzzled how to 
 dispose of myself for the evening. Had I been performing 
 the part of a " walking gentleman," I fancied I could have 
 easily hit upon some appropriate and becoming pastime. A 
 theatre — there was one in the " Lower Town" — and a tavern 
 afterwards, would have filled the interval before it was time 
 to go to bed. " Time to go to bed ! " — strange phrase ! born 
 of a thousand-and-one conventionalities. For some, thac 
 time comes when the sun has set, and with its last beams of 
 
 L
 
 146 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 rosy light reminds labour of the coming morrow. To some 
 it is the hour when wearied faculties can do no more — when 
 tired intellect falters "by the way," and cannot keep the 
 " line of march." To others, it comes with dawning light, 
 and when roses and rouge look ghastly ; and to others, 
 again, whose " deeds are evil," it is the glare of noon-day. 
 
 Now, as for me, I was neither wearied by toil nor pleasure ; 
 no sense of past fatigue — no anticipation of coming exertion 
 — invited slumber ; nay, I was actually more wakeful than 
 I had been during the entire evening, and I felt a most im- 
 pulsive desire for a little social enjoyment — that kind of 
 intercourse with strangers, which I always remarked had the 
 effect of eliciting my own conversational qualities, to a degree 
 that astonished even myself. 
 
 In search of some house of entertainment — some public 
 resort — I paced all the streets of the Upper Town, but to no 
 purpose. Occasionally, lights in a drawing-room, and the 
 sound of a piano, would tell where some small evening party 
 was assembled ; or now and then, from a lower story, a 
 joyous roar of laughter, or the merry chorus of a drinking- 
 song, would bespeak some after-dinner convivialities ; but to 
 mingle in scenes like these, I felt that I had yet a long road 
 to travel — ay, to pass muster in the very humblest of those 
 circles, what a deal had I to learn ! How much humility, 
 how much confidence ; what deference, and what self- 
 reliance , what mingled gravity and levity ; what shades and 
 gradations of colour, so nicely balanced and proportioned 
 too, that, unresolved by the prism, they show no preponder- 
 ating tint — make up that pellucid property men call 
 " Tact ! " Ay, Con, that is your rarest gift of all ! only 
 acquire that, and you may dispense with ancestry, and 
 kindred, and even wealth itself; since he who has "tact" 
 participates in all these advantages, " among his friends" 
 
 As I mused thus, I had reached the " Lower Town," and 
 found myself opposite the door of a tavern, over which a 
 brilliant lamp illuminated the sign of " The British Grena- 
 dier," a species of canteen, in high favour with sergeants and 
 quarter-masters of the garrison. I entered boldly, and with 
 the intention of behaving generously to myself; but scarcely 
 had I passed the threshold, than I heard a sharp voice utter 
 in a half-whisper, " Dang me, if he an't in livery ! " 
 
 I did not wait for more. My "tact" assured me that 
 even there I was not admissible ; so I strolled out again, 
 muttering to myself, "When a man has neither friend nor 
 supper, and the hour is past midnight, the chances are it is
 
 QUEBEC* 147 
 
 • time to go to bed ;'" and with this sage reflection, I wended 
 my way towards a humble lodging-house on the quay, 
 over which on landing I read the words, *' The Emigrant' 3 
 Home." 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 HOW I "FELL IN" AND u OUX" WITH "THE WIDOW DAVIS." 
 
 For the sake of conciseness in this veracious history, I prefer 
 making the reader acquainted at once with facts and indivi- 
 duals, not by the slow process in which the knowledge of 
 them was acquired by myself, but in all the plenitude which 
 intimate acquaintance now supplies ; and although this may 
 not seem to accord with the bit-by-bit and day-by-day nar- 
 rative of a life, it saves a world of time, some patience, and 
 mayhap some skipping too. Under this plea, I have already 
 introduced Sir Dudley Broughton to the reader ; and now, 
 with permission, mean to present Mrs. Davis. 
 
 Mrs. Davis, relict of Thomas John Davis, was a character 
 so associated with Quebec, that to speak of that city without 
 her, would be like writing an account of Newfoundland and 
 never alluding to the article " cod-fish." For a great number 
 of years her house had been the rendezvous of everything 
 houseless, from the newly come " married " officer to the 
 flash commercial traveller from the States ; from the agent 
 of an unknown land company to the " skipper " of a rank 
 pretentious enough to dine at a boarding-house. The esta- 
 blishment — as she loved to style it — combined all the free- 
 and-easy air of domesticity with the enjoyment of society. 
 It was an " acted newspaper," where paragraphs, military 
 and naval, social, scandalous, and commercial, were fabri- 
 cated with a speed no " compositor " could have kept up 
 with. Here the newly-arrived subaltern heard all the pipeclay 
 gossip, not of the garrison, but of the Province; here the 
 bagman made contracts and took orders ; here the " French 
 Deputy " picked up what he called afterwards in the 
 Chamber " l'opinion publique ; " and here the men of pine- 
 logs and white deal imbibed what they fervently believed to 
 be the habits and manners of the " English aristocracy." 
 
 l 2
 
 148 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " To invest the establishment with this character," to make 
 it go forth to the world as the mirror of high and fashionable 
 life, had been the passion of Mrs. D.'s existence. Never did 
 monarch labour for the safeguard that might fence and 
 hedge round his dynasty more zealously : never did minister 
 strive for the guarantees that should ensure the continuance 
 of his system. It was the moving purpose of her life ; in it 
 she had invested all her activity, both of mind and body ; and 
 as she looked back to the barbarism from which her generous 
 devotion had rescued hundreds, ,-he might well be pardoned 
 it' a ray of self-glorification lighted up her face. " When I 
 think of Quebec, when T. J." — her familiar mode of alluding 
 to the defunct Thomas John — " and myself first beheld it," 
 would she say, " and see it now, I believe I may be proud." 
 The social habits were indeed at a low ebb. The skippers, — ■ 
 and there were few other strangers, — had a manifest con- 
 tempt for the use of the fork at dinner, and performed a 
 kind of sword-exercise while eating, of the most fearful kind. 
 Napkins were always misconstrued— the prevailing impres- 
 sion being that they were pocket-handkerchiefs. No man 
 had any vested interest in his own wine-glass ; while thirsty- 
 souls even dispensed with such luxuries, and drank from the 
 bottle itself. 
 
 Then sea-usages had carried themselves into shore life. 
 The company were continually getting up to look out of 
 windows, watching the vessels that passed, remarking on the 
 state of the tide, and then resuming their places with a 
 muttering over the " half ebb," and that the wind was 
 " northing-by-west," looked for change. All the conversa- 
 tion smacked of salt-water; every allusion had an odour of 
 tar and seaweed about it. 
 
 Poor Mrs. Davis ! how was she to civilize these savages ? 
 how invest their lives w^ith any interest above timber ? They 
 would not listen to the polite news of " Government House ;" 
 they would not vouchsafe the least attention to the interest- 
 ing paragraphs she recited as table-talk, — how the Prince 
 of Hohenhumbughousen had arrived at Windsor on a visit to 
 Majesty ; nor how Royalty walked in " The Slopes," or sat 
 for its picture. 
 
 Of the Duke of Northumberland, they only knew a troop- 
 ship of the name, and even that had been water-logged! 
 The Wellington traded to Mirimachi, and the Robert Peel 
 was a barque belonging to Newfoundland, and employed in 
 general traffic, and not believed very seaworthy. 
 
 Same may make the ungracious remark, that she might
 
 HOW I " FELL IN AND 
 
 have spared herself this task of humanizing — that she could 
 have left these "ligneous Christians," these creatures of tar 
 and turpentine, where she found them. The same observa- 
 tion will apply equally to Cooke, to Franklin, to Brooke of 
 Borneo, and a hundred other civilizers : so Mrs. D. felt it, 
 and so she laboured to make T. J. feel it ; but he wouldn't. 
 The ungrateful old bear saw the ordinary grow daily thinner 
 — he perceived that Banquo might have seated himself at 
 any part of the table, and he actually upbraided his wife with 
 the fact. Every day he announced some new defection from 
 the list of their old supporters. Now it was old Ben Crosseley, 
 of the Lively Biddy, that wouldn't stand being ordered to 
 shake out his canvas — that is, to spread his napkin — when 
 he was taking in sea store: then it was Tom Galket, grew 
 indignant at not being permitted to beat " to quarters " with 
 his knuckles at every pause in the dinner. Some were put 
 out by being obliged to sit with their legs under the table, 
 being long habituated to dine at a cask with a plank on it, 
 and of course keeping their limbs " stowed away" under the 
 seat; and one, an old and much respected river pilot, was 
 carried away insensible from table, on hearing that grog 
 was not a recognized table beverage throughout the British 
 dominions. 
 
 The banishment of lobscouse and sea-pie, — pork, with its 
 concomitant cataplasm of peas, and other similar delicacies 
 from the bill of fare, completed the defection ; and at last, 
 none remained of the " once goodlie company," save an old 
 attenuated Guernsey skipper, too much in debt to leave, but 
 who attributed his fealty to the preference he entertained for 
 "les usages de la bonne societe, etla charmante Mde. Davis." 
 T. J. could never hold up his head again ; he moped about the 
 docks and quays, like the restless spirit of some Ancient 
 Mariner. Every one pitied him ; and he grew so accustomed 
 to condolence — so dependent, in fact, on commiseration — that 
 he spent his days in rowing from one ship to the other in the 
 harbour, drinking grog with the skippers, till, by dint of pure 
 sympathy, he slipped quietly into his grave, after something 
 like a two years' attack of delirium tremens. 
 
 The same week that saw T. J. descend to the tomb, saw 
 his widow ascend to the " Upper Town'' — the more congenial 
 locality for aspirations like hers. If no eulogistic inscription 
 marked his resting-place, a very showy brass plate adorned 
 hers. From that hour she was emancipated : it seemed, in- 
 deed, as if she had turned a corner in life, and at ouce 
 emerged from gloom and darkne3s into sunshine. It chanced
 
 150 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 that the barracks were at that very moment undergoing re- 
 pair, and several officers were glad to find, at a convenient 
 distance, the comforts and accommodations which a plausible 
 advertisement in the Quebec Messenger assured them were to 
 be obtained for one pound one shilling weekly. 
 
 There are people who tell you that we live in a heartless, 
 selfish, grabbing, grasping age, where each preys upon his 
 neighbour, and where gain is the spirit of every contract ; 
 and yet, in what period of the world was maternal tender- 
 ness, the comforts of a home, the watchful anxieties of 
 parental love, to be had so cheaply ? Who ever heard of 
 bachelors being admitted into, families, where music and the 
 arts formed the evening's recreation, in the Middle Ages ? 
 Does Herodotus inform us, that " young and attractive ladies 
 would take charge of a widower's household, and superintend 
 the care of his family ? " Not a bit of it ! On this point, 
 at least, the wisdom of our ancestors has no chance with us. 
 There is not a wish of the heart, there is not a yearning of 
 the affections, that a three-and-sixpenny advertisement in the 
 Times will not evoke a remedy for. Tou can make love, or a 
 book, or a speech, by deputy ; for every relative you lose, 
 there are fifty kind-hearted creatures to supply the place ; 
 and not only may you travel over half the globe without 
 more personal exertion than it costs you to go to bed, but you 
 can be measured either for a wife or a suit of clothes without 
 ever seeing the lady or the tailor. 
 
 The " Hotel Davis," so said the newspaper, "was situated 
 in the most airy and healthful locality of the Upper Town." 
 No one ever rung the bell of the hall-door from the first of 
 October to May, but would acknowledge the truth of the 
 first epithet. " The society, for admission to which the most 
 particular references are required, embraces all that is intel- 
 lectual, high-bred, and refined. The table, where preside the 
 1 feast of reason and the flow of soul,' combines the elegance 
 and delicacy of the French, with the less sophisticated suc- 
 culence of English cookery. Intellectual resources,-— the 
 iiumanizing influences of song and poetry, — the varied plea- 
 sures of cultivated and kindred spirits, which have won for 
 this establishment the epithet of the Davisian Acropolis, con- 
 tinue to make it the chosen retreat of gentlemen connected 
 with civil and military pursuits, who are lodged and boarded 
 for one guinea weekly. 
 
 " Eeceptions every Thursday. Balls, during the winter, 
 on the first Monday of each month." 
 
 Such was one among many — I select it as the shortest —
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 151 
 
 announcements of this cheap Elysium : and now, two words 
 about Mrs. D. herself. She was a poor, thin, shrivelled-up 
 little woman, with a rugged, broken-up face, whose profile 
 looked like a jagged saw. Next to elegance of manner, her 
 passion was personal appearance — by which she meant the- 
 adventitious aid of false hair, rouge, and cosmetics, and these 
 she employed with such ever- varying ingenuity, that her com- 
 plexion changed daily from classic pallor to Spanish richness, 
 while the angle of incidence of her eyebrows took in every 
 thing from forty-five degrees to the horizontal. Her style 
 was " sylph," and so she was gauzy and floating in all her 
 drapery. A black veil to the back of her head — a filmy, 
 gossamer-kind of scarf across her shoulders — assisted this 
 deception, and, when she crossed the room, gave her the air 
 of a clothes'-line in a high wind. 
 
 Black mittens, over fingers glowing in all the splendour 
 of imitation rings, and a locket about the size of a cheese* 
 plate, containing the hair — some said, the scalp — of the late 
 T. J., completed a costume which Mrs. D. herself believed 
 Parisian, but to which no revolution, democratic or social, 
 could reduce a Frenchwoman. 
 
 She borrowed her language as well as her costume from 
 the Grande Nation, and with this comfortable reflection, that 
 she was not likely to be asked to restore the loan. Her 
 French was about as incongruous as her dress — but Quebec, 
 fortunately, was not Paris ; and she drove her coach and six 
 through " Adelow," with a hardihood that outstripped, if it 
 did not defy, criticism. 
 
 By the military and naval people she was deemed the best 
 " fun " going ; her pretension, her affectation, her shrewdness, 
 and her simplicity ; her religious homage to fashion ; her 
 unmerciful tyranny towards what she thought vulgarity, 
 made her the subject of many a joke and much amusement. 
 The other classes, the more regular habitues of the " house," 
 thought she was a princess in disguise ; they revered her 
 opinions a3 oracles, and only wondered how the court-end 
 could spare one so evidently formed to be the glass of 
 fashion. 
 
 If I have been too prolix in my sketch, kind reader, attri- 
 bute it to the true cause — my anxiety to serve those who are 
 good enough to place themselves under my guidance. Mrs. 
 D. still lives ; the establishment still survives ; at five o'clock 
 each day — ay, this very day, I have no doubt — her table is 
 crowded by " the rank and fashion " of the Quebec world : 
 and the chances are, if you yourself, worthy reader, should
 
 152 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 visit that city, that you may be glad to give your blank days 
 to the fare of Madam Davis. 
 
 It was ten o'clock in the forenoon as I arrived at her door, 
 and sent in Captain Pike's letter, announcing my arrival. I 
 found Mrs. D. in what she called her own room — a little den 
 of about eleven feet square, shelved all round, and showing 
 an array of jars and preserve-pots that was most imposing — 
 the offerings of skippers from the West India Islands and 
 Madeira, who paid a kind of black-mail in preserved ginger, 
 guavas, yams, pepper-pots, chili, and potted crabs, that would 
 have given liver complaints to half the Province. 
 
 Mrs. D. was standing on a step-ladder, arranging hei 
 treasures by the aid of a negro-boy of about twelve years 
 old, as I entered ; and not feeling that I was of consequence 
 sufficient to require a more formal audience, she took a steady 
 and patient observation of me, and then resumed her labours. 
 The little window, about six feet from the ground, threw a 
 fine Rembrandt light upon me, as I stood in my showy 
 habiliments, endeavouring, by an imposing attitude, to exhibit 
 myself to the best advantage. 
 
 " Forty-seven ; Guava jelly, Sambo ! — where is forty- 
 seven ? " 
 
 "Me no see him," said Sambo; "missus eat him up, 
 perhaps." 
 
 " Monsonze ! you filthy creature — look for it, sirrah ; " so 
 saying, Mrs. Davis applied her double eye-glass to her eyes, 
 and again surveyed me for some seconds. 
 
 " You are the " — she hesitated — " the young person my 
 friend Pike brought out, I believe ? " 
 
 " Yes, my lady," said I, bowing profoundly. 
 
 " What's your name ; the captain has not written it 
 clearly ? " 
 
 " Cregan, my lady — Con Cregan." 
 
 " Con — Con," repeated she twice or thrice ; " what does 
 Con mean ? " 
 
 " It's the short for Cornelius, my lady." 
 
 " Ah, the abbreviation for Cornelius ! — and where have 
 you lived, Cornelius ? " 
 
 " My last place, my lady, was Sir Miles O'Ryan's, of 
 Roaring Water." 
 
 " What are you doing, you wretch ? — take your filthy 
 fingers out of that pot this instant ! " screamed she. suddenly. 
 
 "Me taste him, an' he be dam hot!" cried the nigger, 
 dancing from one foot to the other, as his mouth was on fire 
 from tasting capsicum pods.
 
 How Con fell m -with the " "Widow D;
 
 HOW I " FELL IN" AND " OUT" WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 153 
 
 I thought of my own mustard experience, and then, turn- 
 ing a glance of ineffable contempt upon my black friend, said, 
 11 Those creatures, my lady, are so ignorant, they really do 
 not know the nature of the commonest condiments." 
 
 " Very true, Cornelius ; I would wish, however, to observe 
 to you, that although my family are all persons of rank, I 
 have no title myself — that is to say," added she, with a 
 pleasing smile, " I do not assume it here — therefore, until 
 we return to England, you needn't address me as ladyship." 
 
 "No, my lady — I beg your ladyship's pardon for forgetting, 
 but as I have always lived in high families, I've got the 
 habit, my lady, of saying my lady." 
 
 " I am Madam— plain Madam Davis — there, I knew you'd 
 do it, you nasty little beast, you odious black creature ! " 
 This sudden apostrophe was evoked by the nigger endeavour- 
 ing to balance a jam-pot on his thumb, while he spun it 
 round with the other hand — an exploit that ended in a smash 
 of the jar, and a squash of the jam all over my silk stock- 
 ings. 
 
 " It's of no consequence, my lady, I shall change them 
 when I dress for dinner," said I, with consummate ease. 
 
 " The jam is lost, however — will you kindly beat him 
 about the head with that candlestick beside you ? " 
 
 I seized the implement, as if in most choleric mood ; but 
 my black was not to be caught so easily ; and with a dive 
 between my legs he bolted for the door — whilst I was pitched 
 forward against the step-ladder, head foremost. In my 
 terror I threw out my hands to save myself, and caught — not 
 the ladder, but Madam Davis's legs— and down we went 
 together, with a small avalanche of brown jars and preserve- 
 pots clattering over us. 
 
 As I had gone head foremost, my head through the ladder, 
 and as Mrs. Davis had fallen on the top of me — her head 
 being reversed — there we lay, like herrings in a barrel, till 
 her swoon had passed away. At last she did rally ; and 
 gathering herself up, sat against the wall, a most rueful 
 picture of bruises and disorder, while I, emerging from 
 between the steps of the ladder, began to examine whether 
 it were marmalade or my brains that I felt coming down my 
 cheek. 
 
 "You'll never mention this shocking event, Cornelius," 
 said she, trying to adjust her wig, which now faced over the 
 left shoulder. 
 
 " Never, my lady. Am I to consider myself engaged ?" 
 
 " Yes, on the terms of Captain Pike's note — ten pounds j
 
 154 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 no wine nor tea-money, no passage-fare out, no livery, no — " 
 I was afraid she was going to add no prog, but she grew 
 faint, and merely said, " bring me a glass of water." 
 
 " I'll put you in charge of the lamps and plate to-morrow," 
 said she, recovering. 
 
 " Very well, madam," said I aloud — while to myself I 
 muttered, " they might easily be in better hands." 
 
 " You'll wait at table to-day." 
 
 " Yes, my lady — madam, I mean." 
 
 " Soup always goes first to Mrs. Trussford — black velvet, 
 and very fat ; then to the lady in blue spectacles ; afterwards 
 Miss Moriarty. Ah, I'm too weak for giving directions ; I'm 
 in what they call ' un etat de fuillete ;'" and with these words 
 Mrs. Davis retired, leaving me to the contemplation of the 
 battle-field and my own bruises. 
 
 My next care was to present myself below stairs ; and 
 although some may smile at the avowal, I had far more mis- 
 givings about how I should pass muster with the under- 
 lings, than with the head of the department. Is the reader 
 aware that it was a farrier of the Emperor Alexander's 
 guard who first predicted the destruction of the " grand 
 army " in Eussia ? A French horseshoe was shown to him, 
 as a curiosity ; and he immediately exclaimed, " What ! not 
 yet frost-roughed ! these fellows don't know the climate ; the 
 snows begin to-morrow ! " so is it — ignorance and pretension 
 are infallibly discovered by "routine" people; they look to 
 details, and they at once detect him who mistakes or over- 
 looks them. 
 
 Resolving, at all events, to make my " Old World " habits 
 stand my part in every difficulty, and to sneer down every- 
 thing I did not understand, I put on a bold face, and 
 descended to the lower regions. 
 
 Great people, "Ministers," and Secretaries for the "Home" 
 and "Foreign," little know how great their privilege is, that 
 in taking office, they are spared all unpleasant meetings with 
 their predecessors. At least, I conclude such to be the case ; 
 and that my Lord Palmerston " stepping in " does not come 
 abruptly upon Lord Aberdeen " going out," nor does an 
 angry altercation arise between him who arrives to stay and he 
 who is packing his portmanteau to be off. I say that I opine 
 as much, and that both the entrance and the departure are 
 conducted with due etiquette and propriety ; in fact, that 
 Lord A. has called his cab and slipped away, before Lord P. 
 has begun to " take up " the " spoons;" not a bad metaphor, 
 by the way — for an entrance into the Foreign Office.
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND "OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 155 
 
 No such decorous reserve presides over the change of a 
 domestic ministry. The whole warfare of opposition is con- 
 densed into one angry moment, and the rival parties are brought 
 face to face in the most ungracious fashion. 
 
 Now, my system in life was that so well and popularly 
 known by the name of M. Guizot, " la paix a tout prix ;" and 
 I take pride to myself in thinking that I have carried it out 
 with more success. With a firm resolve, therefore, that no 
 temptation should induce me to deviate from a pacific policy, 
 I entered the kitchen, where the " lower house " was then 
 "in committee," — the " cook in the chair! " 
 
 " Here he com, now ! " said Blackie ; and the assembly 
 grew hushed as I entered. 
 
 " Ay, here he comes ! " said I, re-echoing the speech ; 
 "and let us see if we shall not be merry comrades." 
 
 The address was a happy one ; and that evening closed upon 
 me in the very pinnacle of popularity. 
 
 I have hesitated for some time whether I should not ask of 
 my reader to enrol himself for a short space, as a member of 
 "the establishment ;" or even to sojourn one day beneath a 
 roof where so many originals were congregated ; to witness 
 the very table itself, set out with its artificial fruits and 
 flowers, its pine-apples in wax, and its peaches of paper ; all 
 the appliances by which Mrs. D., in her ardent zeal, hoped to 
 propagate refinement and abstemiousness ; high-breeding and 
 low diet being, in her esteem, inseparably united. To see the 
 company — the poor old faded and crushed flowers of mock 
 gentility — widows and unmarried daughters of tax-collectors 
 long " gathered ; " polite storekeepers, and apothecaries to 
 the " Forces," cultivating the Graces at the cost of their 
 appetites, and descending, in costumes of twenty years back, 
 in the pleasing delusion of being "dressed" for dinner: 
 while here and there some unhappy skipper, undergoing a 
 course of refinement, looked like a bear in a " ballet," 
 ashamed of his awkwardness, and even still more ashamed 
 of the company wherein he found himself ; and lastly, some 
 old Seigneur of the Lower Province — a poor, wasted, 
 wrinkled creature, covered with hair-powder and snuff, but 
 yet, strangely enough, preserving some " taste of his once 
 quality," and not altogether destitute of the graces of the 
 land he sprung from ; — curious and incongruous elements to 
 make up society, and worthy of the presidency of that greater 
 incongruity who ruled them. 
 
 Condemned to eat food they did not relish, and discuss 
 themes they did not comprehend, — what a noble zeal was
 
 156 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 theirs ! What sacrifices did they not make to the genius of 
 "gentility!" If they would sneer at a hash, Mrs. D.'s 
 magic wand charmed it into a " ragout ;" when they almost 
 sneezed at the sour wine, Mrs. D. called for another glass of 
 " La Rose." " Rabbits," they were assured, were the daily 
 diet of the Duke of Devonshire, and Lady Laddington ate 
 kid every day at dinner. In the same way potatoes were 
 vulgar things, but " Pommes de terre a la maitre d'hotel " 
 were a delicacy for royalty. 
 
 To support these delusions of diet, I was everlastingly 
 referred to. " Cregan," would she say, — placing her glass to 
 her eye, and fixing on some dish, every portion of which her 
 own dainty fingers had compounded, — " Cregan, what is 
 that?" 
 
 " Poulet a la George quatre, Madame ! " — she always per- 
 mitted me to improvise the nomenclature, — " the receipt came 
 from the Bishop of Beldoff's cook." 
 
 " Ah ! prepared with olives, I believe ? " 
 
 " Exactly, Madame," would I say, presenting the dish, 
 whose success was at once assured. 
 
 If a wry face, or an unhappy contortion of the mouth 
 from any guest, announced disappointment, Mrs. D. at. once 
 appealed to me for the explanation. " What is it, Cregan? — 
 Mrs. Blotter, I fear you don't like that ' plat? ' " 
 
 " The truffles were rather old, Madame ;" or, " the ancho- 
 vies were too fresh;" or, " there was too little caviar," or 
 something of the kind, I would unhesitatingly aver; for my 
 head was stocked with a strong catalogue from an old French 
 Cookery-book which I used to study each morning. The 
 more abstruse my explanation, the more certain of its 
 being indorsed by the company — only too happy to be sup- 
 posed capable of detecting the subtle deficiency ; all but the 
 old French Deputy, who on such occasions would give a 
 little shake of his narrow head, and mutter to himself, " Ah ; 
 il est mutin, ce gaillard-la! " 
 
 Under the influence of great names, they would have eaten 
 a stewed mummy from the Pyramids. What the Marquis of 
 Asheldown, or the Earl of Brockmore invariably ordered, 
 could not without risk be despised by these " small boys " 
 of refinement. It is true, they often mourned in secret over 
 the altered taste of the old country, which preferred kick- 
 shaws and trumpery to its hallowed ribs and sirloins ; but, 
 like the folk who sit at the Opera while they long for the 
 Haymarket, and who listen to Jenny Lind while their hearts 
 are with Mrs. Keeley, they " took out" in fashion what they
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 157 
 
 lost in amusement, — a very English habit, by the way. To 
 be sure, and to their honour be it spoken, they wished the 
 Queen would be pleased to fancy legs of mutton and loins of 
 veal, just as some others are eager for royalty to enjoy the 
 national drama ; but they innocently forgot the while, that 
 " they " might have the sirloin, and " the others " Shakspeare, 
 even without majesty partaking of either, and that a roast 
 goose and FalstafF can be relished even without such august 
 precedent. Dear, good souls they were, never deviating from 
 that fine old sturdy spirit of independence which make3 us 
 feel ourselves a match for the whole world in arms, as we 
 read the Times, and hum " Rule Britannia." 
 
 All this devout homage of a class with whom they had 
 nothing in common, and with which they could never come 
 into contact, produced in me a very strange result ; and in 
 place of being ready to smile at the imitators, I began to 
 conceive a stupendous idea of the natural greatness of those 
 who could so impress the ranks beneath them. " Con," said 
 I to myself, " that is the class in life would suit you perfectly. 
 There is no trade like that of a gentleman. He who does 
 nothing is always ready for everything ; the little shifts and 
 straits of a handicraft or a profession narrow and confine the 
 natural expansiveness of the intellect, which, like a tide over 
 a flat shore, should swell and spread itself out, free and with- 
 out effort. See to this, Master Con ; take care that you don't 
 sit down contented with a low round on the ladder of life, 
 but strive ever upwards ; depend on it, the view is best from 
 the top, even if it only enable you to look down on your 
 competitors." 
 
 These imaginings, as might be easily imagined, led me 
 to form a very depreciating estimate of my lords and masters 
 of the " establishment." Not only their little foibles and 
 weaknesses, their small pretensions and their petty attempts 
 at fine life, were all palpable to my eyes, but their humble 
 fortunes and narrow means to support such assumption were 
 equally so ; and there is nothing which a vulgar mind — I was 
 vulgar at that period — so unhesitatingly seizes on for sarcasm, 
 as the endeavour of a poor man to " do the fine gentleman." 
 
 If no man is a hero to his valet, he who has no valet is 
 never a hero at all — is nobody. I conceived, then, the most 
 insulting contempt for the company, on whom I practised a 
 hundred petty devices of annoyance. I would drop gravy on 
 a fine satin dress, in which the wearer only made her appear- 
 ance at festivals, or stain with sauce the " russia ducks " 
 destined to figure through half a week. Sometimes, by an
 
 158 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 adroit change of decanters during dinner, I would produce 
 a scene of almost irremediable confusion, when the owner of 
 sherry would find himself taking toast-and-water, he of the 
 last beverage having improved the time and finished the 
 racier liquid. Such reciprocities, although strictly in ac- 
 cordance with "free-trade," invariably led to very warm 
 discussions, that lasted through the remainder of the 
 evening. 
 
 Then I removed plates ere the eater was satisfied, and that 
 with an air of such imposing resolve as to silence remon- 
 strance. When a stingy guest passed up his decanter to 
 a friend, in a moment of enthusiastic munificence, I never 
 suffered it to return till it was emptied ; while to the elderly 
 ladies I measured out the wine like laudanum ; every now 
 and then, too, I would forget to hand the dish to some one 
 or other of the company, and affect only to discover my error 
 as the last spoonful was disappearing. 
 
 Nor did my liberties end here. I was constantly intro- 
 ducing innovations in the order of dinner, that produced 
 most ludicrous scenes of discomfiture — now insisting on the 
 use of a fork, now of a spoon, under circumstances where no 
 adroitness could compensate for the implement ; and one day 
 I actually went so far as to introduce soap with the finger- 
 glasses, averring that " it was always done at Devonshire 
 House on grand occasions." I thought I should have 
 betrayed myself, as I saw the efforts of the party to perform 
 their parts with suitable dignity ; all I could do was to restrain 
 a burst of open laughter. 
 
 So long as I prosecuted my reforms on the actual staff of 
 the establishment, all went well. Now and then, it is true, I 
 used to overhear in French, of which they believed me to be 
 ignorant, rather sharp comments on the " free-and-easy tone 
 of my manners — how careless I had become," and so on; 
 complaints, however, sure to be met by some assurance that 
 " my manners were quite London " — that what I did was the 
 type of fashionable servitude ; apologies made less to screen 
 me than to exalt those who invented them, as thoroughly 
 conversant with high life in England. 
 
 At last, partly from being careless of consequences, for I 
 was getting very weary of this kind of life — the great amuse- 
 ment of which used to be, repeating my performances for the 
 ear of Captain Pike, and he was now removed with his regi- 
 ment to Kingstown — and partly wishing for some incidents, 
 of what kind I cared not, that might break the monotony of 
 my existence, I contrived one day to stretch my prerogative
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 159 
 
 too far, or, in the phrase of the Gulf, u I harpooned a bottle- 
 nose," — the periphrasis for making a gross mistake. 
 
 I had been some years at Mrs. Davis's — in fact, I felt and 
 thought myself a man when the last ball of the season was 
 announced — an entertainment at which usually a more 
 crowded assemblage used to congregate than at any of the 
 previous ones. 
 
 It was the choice occasion for the habitues of the house to 
 invite their grand friends, for Mrs. D. was accustomed to 
 put forth all her strength, and the arrangements were made 
 on a scale of magnificence that invariably occasioned a petty 
 famine for the fortnight beforehand. Soup never appeared, 
 that there might be "bouillon" for the dancers; everyone 
 was on a short allowance of milk, eggs, and sugar ; meat be- 
 came almost a tradition : even candles waned and went out, 
 in waiting for the auspicious night when they should blaze 
 like noon-day. Nor did the company fail to participate in 
 these preparatory schoolings. What frightful heads in 
 curl-papers would appear at breakfast and dinner ! What 
 buttoned-up coats and black cravats refuse all investigation 
 on the score of linen ! What mysterious cookings of cosme- 
 tics at midnight, with petty thefts of lard and thick cream ! 
 What washings of kid gloves, that when washed would never 
 go on again ! What inventions of French-polish that refused 
 all persuasions to dry, but continued to stick to and paint 
 everything it came in contact with ! Then there were high 
 dresses cut down, like frigates razeed ; frock-coats reduced 
 to dress ones ; mock lace and false jewellery were at a pre- 
 mium ; and all the little patchwork devices of ribbons, bows, 
 and carnations, gimp, gauze, and geraniums, were put into 
 requisition, petty acts of deception that each saw through 
 in her neighbour, but firmly believed were undetectable in 
 herself. 
 
 Then what caballings about the invited ! what scrutiny 
 into rank and station — "what set they were in," and whom 
 did they visit ; with little Star-chamber inquisitions as to cha- 
 racter, all breaches of which, it is but fair to state, were most 
 charitably deemed remediable if the party had any preten- 
 sion to social position ; for not only the saint in crape was 
 twice a saint in lawn, but the satin sinner was pardonable, 
 where the " washing silk " would have been found guilty 
 without a " recommendation." 
 
 Then there was eternal tuning of the pianoforte, which 
 most perversely insisted on not suiting voices that might 
 have sung duets with a peacock. Quadrilles were practised
 
 160 TIIE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 in empty rooms ; and Miss Timmock was actually seen trying 
 to teach Blotter to waltz — a proceeding, I rejoice to say, that 
 the moral feeling of the household at once suppressed. And 
 then, what a scene of decoration went forward in all the 
 apartments ! As in certain benevolent families, whatever is 
 uneatable is always given to the poor ; so here, all the 
 artificial flowers unavailable for the toilet were generously 
 bestowed to festoon along the walls to conceal tin sconces, 
 and to wreathe round rickety chandeliers. Contrivance — 
 that most belauded phenomenon in Nature's craft — was 
 everywhere. If necessity be the mother of invention, poor 
 gentility is the " step-mother." Never were made greater 
 efforts, or greater sacrifices incurred, to make Mrs. D. appear 
 like a West-end leader of fashion, and to make the establish- 
 ment itself seem a Holderness House. 
 
 As for me, I was the type of a stage servant — one of those 
 creatures who hand round coffee in the " School for Scandal." 
 My silk stockings were embroidered with silver, and my 
 showy coat displayed a bouquet that might have filled a vase. 
 
 In addition to these personal graces, I had long been head 
 of my department ; all the other officials, from the negro knife- 
 cleaner upwards, besides all those begged, borrowed, and I 
 believe I might add, stolen domestics of other families, being 
 placed under my orders. 
 
 Among the many functions committed to me, the drilling 
 of these gentry stood first in difficulty, not only because they 
 were rebellious under control, but because I had actually to 
 invent " the discipline during parade." One golden rule, how- 
 ever, I had adopted, and never suffered myself to deviate from, 
 viz., to do nothing as it had been done before — a maxim 
 which relieved me from all the consequences of inexperience. 
 Traditions are fatal things for a radical reformer; and I re- 
 membered having heard it remarked, how Napoleon himself 
 first sacrificed his dignity by attempting an imitation of the 
 monarchy. By this one precept I ruled and squared all my 
 conduct. 
 
 The most refractory of my subordinates was a jackanapes 
 about my own age, who, having once waited on the " young 
 gentlemen" in the cock-pit of a man-of-war, fancied he had 
 acquired very extended views of life. Among other traits of 
 his fashionable experience, he remembered that at a dejeuner 
 given by the officers at Cadiz once, the company, who break- 
 fasted in the gun-room, had all left their hats and cloaks in 
 the midshipman's berth, receiving each a small piece of card 
 with a number on it, and a similar one being attached to the
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND "OUT" WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 161 
 
 property — a process so universal now in our theatres and 
 assemblies, that I ask pardon for particularly describing itj 
 but it was a novelty at the time 1 speak of, and had all the 
 merits of a new discovery. 
 
 Smush — this was my deputy's name — had been so struck 
 with the admirable success of the arrangement, that he had 
 actually preserved the pieces of card, and now produced 
 them, black and ragged, from the recesses of his trunk. 
 
 " Mr. Cregan " — such was the respectful title by which 
 I was now always addressed — " Mr. Cregan can tell us," 
 said he, " if this is not the custom at great balls in 
 London." 
 
 " It used to be so, formerly," said I, with an air of most 
 consummate coolness, as I sat in an arm-chair, regaling 
 myself with a cigar ; " the practice you allude to, Smush, did 
 prevail, I admit. But our fashionable laws change ; one day 
 it is all ultra-refinement and Sybarite luxury, — the next, they 
 affect a decree of mock simplicity in their manners : any- 
 thing for novelty ! Now, for instance, eating fish with the 
 fingers " 
 
 " Do they, indeed, go so far ? " 
 
 " Do they ! ay, and fifty things worse. At a race- dinner 
 the same silver cup goes round the table, drunk out of by 
 every one, — I have seen strange things in my time." 
 
 "That you must, Mr. Cregan." 
 
 " Latterly," said I, warming with my subject, and seeing 
 my auditory ready to believe anything, " they began the 
 same system with the soup, and always passed the tureen 
 round, each tasting it as it went. This was an innovation 
 of the Duke of Struttenham's, but I don't fancy it will 
 last." 
 
 " And how do they manage about the hats, Mr. Cregan ? " 
 
 " The last thing, in that w r ay, was what I saw at Lord 
 Mudbrooke's, at Richmond, where, not to hamper the guests 
 with these foolish bits of card, which they were always losing, 
 the servant in waiting chalked a number on the hat or coat, 
 or whatever it might be, and then marked the same on the 
 gentleman's back ! " 
 
 Had it not been for the imposing gravity of my manner, 
 the absurdity of this suggestion had been at once apparent , 
 but I spoke like an oracle, and I impressed my words with 
 the simple gravity of a commonplace truth. 
 
 " If you wish to do the very newest thing, Smush, that's 
 the latest ; quite a fresh touch : and, I'll venture to say, per- 
 fectly unknown here. It saves a world of trouble to all 
 
 M
 
 162 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 parties ; and as you brush it off before they leave, it is always 
 another claim for the parting douceur ! " 
 
 "I'll do it," said Smush, eagerly; "they cannot be 
 angry- 
 
 Angry ! angry at what is done with the very first people- 
 in London ! " said I, affecting horror at the bare thought. 
 The train was now laid ; I had only to wait for its explosion. 
 At first, I did this with eager impatience for the result ; then, 
 as the time drew near, with somewhat of anxiety ; and, at 
 last, with downright fear of the consequences. Yet to revoke 
 the order, to confess that I was only hoaxing on so solemn a 
 subject, would have been the downfall of my ascendency for 
 ever. What was to be done ? 
 
 I could imagine but one escape from the difficulty ; which 
 was to provide myself with a clothes-brush, and as my station 
 was at the drawing-room door, to erase the numerals before 
 their wearers entered. In this way I should escape the for- 
 feiture of my credit, and the risk of maintaining it. 
 
 I would willingly recall some of the strange incidents of 
 that great occasion, but my mind can only dwell upon one ; 
 as, brush in hand, I asked permission to remove some acci- 
 dental dust, — a leave most graciously accorded, and ascribed 
 to my town-bred habits of attention. At last — it was nigh 
 midnight, and for above an hour the company had received 
 no accession to its ranks ; quadrilles had succeeded quadrilles, 
 and the business of the scene went swimmingly on, — all the 
 time-honoured events of similar assemblages happening with 
 that rigid regularity which, if evening parties were managed 
 by steam, and regulated by a fly-wheel, could not proceed 
 with more ordinary routine. " Heads of houses " with bald 
 scalps led out simpering young boarding-school misses, and 
 danced with a noble show of agility, to refute any latent 
 suspicion of coming age. There were the usual number of 
 very old people, who vowed the dancing was only a shuffling 
 walk, not the merry movement they had practised half a 
 century ago ; and there were lack-a-daisical young gentlemen, 
 with waistcoats variegated as a hearth-rug, and magnificent 
 breast-pins — like miniature pokers — who lounged and lolled 
 about, as though youth were the most embarrassing and 
 wearying infliction mortality was heir to. 
 
 There were, besides, all the varieties of the class, young 
 lady — as seen in every land where muslin is sold and white 
 shoes are manufactured. There was the slight young lady, 
 who floated about with her gauzy dress daintily pinched in 
 two j then there was the short and dumpling young lady,
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT " WITH WIDOW DAVIS. 163 
 
 who danced with a duck in her gait; and there were a large 
 proportion of the flouncing, flaunting kind, who took the 
 figures of the quadrille by storm, and went at the " right and 
 left" as if they were escaping from a fire: and there was 
 Mrs. Davis herself, in a spangled toque and red shoes, potter- 
 ing about from place to place, with a terrible eagerness to be 
 agreeable and fashionable at the same time. 
 
 It was, I have said, nigh midnight, as I stood at the half- 
 open door, watching the animated and amusing scene within, 
 when Mrs. Davis, catching sight of me, and doubtless for the 
 purpose of displaying my specious livery, ordered me to 
 open a window, or close a shutter, or something of like im- 
 portance. I had scarcely performed the service, when a kind 
 of half titter through the room made me look round, and, to 
 my unspeakable horror, I beheld, in the centre of the room, 
 Town-Major McCan, the most passionate little man in 
 Quebec, making his obeisances to Mrs. Davis, while a circle 
 around were, with handkerchiefs to their mouths, stifling as 
 they best could, a burst of laughter ; since exactly between 
 his shoulders, in marks of about four inches long, stood the 
 numerals " 153," a great flourish underneath proclaiming 
 that the roll had probably concluded, and that this was the 
 "last man." 
 
 Of the Major, tradition had already consecrated one 
 exploit ; he had once kicked an impertinent tradesman down 
 the great flight of iron stairs which leads from the Upper 
 Town to Diamond Harbour, — a feat, to appreciate which, it 
 is necessary to bear in mind that the stair in question is 
 almost perpendicular, and contains six hundred and forty- 
 eight steps ! My very back ached by anticipation as I 
 thought of it ; and as I retreated towards the door, it was 
 in a kind of shuffle, feeling like one w T ho had been well 
 thrashed. 
 
 " A large party, Mrs. D. ; a very brilliant and crowded 
 assembly," said the Major, pulling out his bushy whiskers, 
 and looking importantly around. "Now what number have 
 you here ? " 
 
 " I cannot even guess, Major ; but we have had very few 
 apologies. Could you approximate to our numbers this 
 evening, Mr. Cox ? " said she, addressing a spiteful-looking 
 old man, who sat eyeing the company through an opera- 
 glass. 
 
 " I have counted one hundred and thirty-four, madam ; 
 but the major make's them more numerous still ! " 
 
 " How do you mean, Cox ? " said he, getting fiery red. 
 
 M 2
 
 164 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " If you'll look in that glass yonder, which is opposite the 
 mirror, you'll soon see ! " wheezed out the old man, mali- 
 ciously. I did not wait for more ; with one spring I de- 
 scended the first flight ; another brought me to the hall ; but 
 not before a terrible shout of laughter apprised me that all 
 was discovered. I had just time to open the clock-case, and 
 step into it, as Major McCan came thundering down stairs, 
 with his coat on his arm. 
 
 A shrill yell from Sambo now told me that one culprit a,t 
 least was " up " for punishment. " Tell the truth, you d — d 
 piece of carved ebony ! who did this ? " 
 
 " Not me, Massa ! not me, Massa ! Smush did him ! " 
 Smush was at this instant emerging from the back parlour 
 with a tray of coloured fluids for the dancers. With one 
 vigorous kick the major sent the whole flying; and ere the 
 terrified servitor knew what the assault portended, a strong 
 grasp caught him by the throat, and ran him up bang ! against 
 the clock-case. Ob, what a terrible moment was that for me ! 
 I heard the very gurgling rattle in his throat, like choking, 
 and felt as if when he ceased to breathe that I should expire 
 with him 
 
 "You confess it ! you own it, then! you infernal rascal! " 
 said the major, almost hoarse with rage. 
 
 " Oh, forgive me, sir ! oh, forgive me ! It was Mr. 
 
 Cregan, sir, the butler, who told me! Oh dear, I'm " 
 
 what, he couldn't finish ; for the major, in relinquishing his 
 grasp, flung him backwards, and he fell against the 
 stairs. 
 
 "So it was Mr. — Cregan, — the — butler, — was it?" said 
 the major, with an emphasis on each word, as though he had 
 bitten the syllables. " Well ! as sure as my name is Tony 
 McCan, Mr. Cregan shall pay for this ! Turn about is fair 
 play ; you have marked me, and may I be drummer to the 
 Cape Fencibles if I don't mark you /" and with this denun- 
 ciation, uttered in a tone, every accent of which vouched for 
 truth, he took a hat — the first next to him — and issued from 
 the house. 
 
 Shivering with terror — and not without cause — I waited 
 till Smush had, with Sambo's aid, carried downstairs 
 the broken fragments ; and then, the coast being clear, I 
 stepped from my hiding-place, and opening the hall-door, 
 fled ; ay, ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I crossed 
 the grass terrace in front of the barrack, not heeding the 
 hoarse " Who goes there ? " of the sentry ; and then, dashing 
 along the battery-wall, hastened down the stairs that lead in
 
 HOW I " FELL IN " AND " OUT" WITH WIDOW DAYIS. 165 
 
 successive flights to the filthy "Lower Town;" in whose 
 dingy recesses I well knew that crime or shame could soon 
 find a sanctuary. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 AN EMIGRANT'S FIRST STEP " ON SHORE." 
 
 If I say that the Lower Town of Quebec is the St. Giles's ot 
 the metropolis, I convey but a very faint notion indeed of 
 that terrible locality. I have seen life in some of its least 
 attractive situations. I am not ignorant of the Liberties of 
 Dublin and the Claddagh of Gal way ; I have passed move 
 time than I care to mention in the Isle St. Louis of Paris ; 
 while the Leopoldstadt of Vienna, and the Ghetto of Rome, 
 are tolerably familiar to me ; but still, for wickedness in its 
 most unwashed state, I give palm to the Lower Town of 
 Quebec. 
 
 The population, originally French, became gradually inter- 
 mixed with emigrants, most of whom came from Ireland, 
 and who, having expended the little means they could scrape 
 together for the voyage, firmly believing that once landed in 
 America, gold was a "chimera" not worth troubling one's 
 head about, — they were unable to go farther, and either be- 
 came labourers in the city, or, as the market grew speedily 
 overstocked, sunk down into a state of pauperism, the very 
 counterpart of that they had left on the other side of the 
 ocean. Their turbulence, their drunkenness, the reckless 
 violence of all their habits, at first shocked, and then terrified 
 the poor timid Canadians — of all people the most submis- 
 sive and yielding — so that very soon, feeling how impossible 
 it was to maintain co-partnery with such associates, they leit 
 the neighbourhood, and abandoned the field to the new race. 
 Intermarriages had, however, taken place to a great extent ; 
 from which, and the daily intercourse with the natives, a 
 species of language came to be spoken which was currently 
 called French ; but which might, certainly with equal pro- 
 priety, be called Cherokee. Of course this new tongue 
 modified itself with the exigencies of those who spoke it ; 
 and as the French ingredient declined, the Milesian prepon- 
 derated, till at length it became far more Irish than French.
 
 166 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 Nothing assists barbarism like a dialect adapted to its own 
 wants. Slang is infinitely more conducive to the propaga- 
 tion of vice than is generally believed ; it is the " paper cur- 
 rency " of iniquity, and each man issues as much as he likes. 
 If I wanted an evidence of this fact I should " call up " the 
 place I am speaking of, where the very jargon at once defied 
 civilization, and ignored the w schoolmaster." The authori- 
 ties, either regarding the task as too hopeless, or too danger- 
 ous, or too troublesome, seemed to slur over the existence of 
 this infamous locality. It is not impossible that they saw 
 with some satisfaction that wickedness had selected its only 
 peculiar and appropriate territory, and that they had left 
 this den of vice, as Yankee farmers are accustomed to' leave 
 a spot of tall grass to attract the snakes, by way of prevent- 
 ing them scattering and spreading over a larger surface. 
 
 As each emigrant ship arrived, hosts of these idlers of the 
 Lower Town beset the newly-landed strangers, and by their 
 voice and accent imposed upon the poor wanderers. The 
 very tones of the old country were a magic the new-comers 
 could not withstand, after weeks of voyaging that seemed 
 like years of travel. Whatever reminded them of the 
 country they had quitted, ay, — strange inconsistency of the 
 human heart ! — of the land they had left for very hopelessness, 
 touched their hearts, and moved them to the very tenderest 
 emotions. To trade on this susceptibility became a recog- 
 nized livelihood; so that the quays were crowded with idle 
 vagabonds, who sought out the prey with as much skill as a 
 West-end waiter displays in detecting the rank of a new 
 arrival. 
 
 This filthy locality, too, contained all the lodging-houses 
 resorted to by the emigrants, who were easily persuaded to 
 follow their " countryman " wherever he might lead. Here 
 were spent the days — sometimes, unhappily, the weeks — be- 
 fore they could fix upon the part of the country to which 
 they should bend their steps ; and here, but too often, were 
 wasted in excess and debauchery the little hoards that had 
 cost years to accumulate, till farther progress became impos- 
 sible ; and' the stranger who landed but a few weeks back, 
 full of strong hope, sunk down into the degraded condition 
 of those who had been his ruin — the old story, the dupe 
 become blackleg. 
 
 It were well if deceit and falsehood, — if heartless treachery 
 and calculating baseness, were all that went forward here. 
 But not so ; crimes of every character were rife also, and 
 not an inhabitant of the city, with money or character, would
 
 AN EMIGRANT'S FIRST STEP " ON SHORE." 167 
 
 Lave, for any consideration, put foot within this district after 
 nightfall. The very cries that broke upon the stillness of 
 the night were often heard in the Upper Town : and when- 
 ever a shriek of agony arose, or the heartrending cry for 
 help, prudent citizens would close the window and say, " It 
 is some of the Irish in the Lower Town," — a comprehensive 
 statement that needed no commentary. 
 
 Towards this pleasant locality I now hastened, with a kind 
 of instinctive sense that I had some claims on the sanctuary. 
 It chanced that an emigrant ship which had arrived that 
 evening was just disembarking its passengers ; mingling with 
 the throng of which, I entered the filthy and narrow lanes of 
 this Alsatia. The new arrivals were all Irish, and, as usual, 
 were heralded by parties of the resident population, eagerlv 
 canvassing them for this or that lodging-house. Had not 
 my own troubles been enough for me, I should have felt in- 
 terested in the strange contrast between the simple peasant 
 first stepping on a foreign shore, and the shrewd roguery of 
 him who proposed guidance, and who doubtless had himself 
 once been as unsuspecting and artless as those he now 
 cajoled and endeavoured to dupe. 
 
 I soon saw that single individuals were accounted of little 
 consequence ; the claim of the various lodging-houses was as 
 family hotels, perhaps ; so that I mixed myself up with a 
 group of some eight or ten, whose voices sounded pleasantly, 
 for, in the dark, I had no other indication to suggest a pre- 
 ference. 
 
 I was not long in establishing a footing, so far as talking 
 went, with one of this party — an old, very old man, whose 
 greatest anxiety was to know, first, if " there was any Ingins 
 where we were going ? " and secondly, if I had ever heard 
 of his grandson, Dan Cullinane ? The first doubt I solved 
 for him frankly and freely, that an Indian wouldn't dare to 
 show his nose where we were walking ; and as to the second, 
 I hesitated, promising to refer to " my tablets " when I 
 came to the light, for I thought the name w r as familiar 
 to me. 
 
 " He was a shoemaker by trade," said the old man, " and 
 a better never left Ireland ; he was 'prentice to ould Finucane 
 in Ennis, and might have done well, if he hadn't the turn 
 for Americay." 
 
 " But he'll do better here, rely upon it," said I, inviting 
 some further disclosures ; " I'm certain he's not disappointed 
 with having come out." 
 
 "No, indeed; glory be to God! he's doing finely; and
 
 168 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 *twas that persuaded my son Joe to sell the little place and 
 come here — and a wonderful long way it is ! " 
 
 After expending a few generalities on sea voyages in gene- 
 ral, with a cursory glance at naval architecture, from Noah's 
 " square" stern, down to the modern " round" innovation r 
 we again returned to Dan, for whom I already conceived a 
 strong interest. 
 
 " And is it far to New Orleans from this?" said the old 
 man, who, I perceived, was struck by the air of sagacity in 
 my discourse. 
 
 " New Orleans! why that's in the States, a thousand miles 
 away ! " 
 
 " Oh ! murther, murther ! " cried the old fellow, wringing 
 his hands ; " and ain't we in the States ? " 
 
 " No," said I; " this is Canada." 
 
 " Joe ! Joe ! " cried he, pulling his son by the collar, " listen 
 to this, acushla. Oh, murther, murther! we're kilt and 
 destroyed intirely ! " 
 
 " What is it, father?" said a tall, powerfully built man r 
 who spoke in a low but resolute voice ; " what ails you ? " 
 
 " Tell him, darlint — tell him ! " said the old man, not able 
 to utter his griefs. 
 
 " It seems," said I, " that you believed yourselves in the 
 States ; now this is not so. This is British America — 
 Lower Canada." 
 
 " Isn't it * Quaybec ? ' " said he, standing full in front 
 of me. 
 
 " It is Quebec ; but still that is Canada." 
 
 " And it's ten thousand miles from Dan ! " said the old 
 fellow, whose cries were almost suffocating him. 
 
 "Whisht, father, and let me talk," said the son; " do you 
 know New Orleans ? " 
 
 " Perfectly — every street of it," said I, with an effrontery 
 the darkness aided considerably. 
 
 " And how far is't from here ? " 
 
 " Something like thirteen or fourteen hundred miles, at a 
 rough guess." 
 
 " Oh, th' eternal villain ! if I had him by the neck ! " cried 
 Joe, as he struck the ground a blow with his blackthorn 
 which certainly would not have improved the human face 
 divine ; " he towld me they were a few miles asunder — an 
 easy day's walk ! " 
 
 "Who said so?" asked I. 
 
 " The chap on Eden Quay, in Dublin, where we took our 
 passage."
 
 AN EMIGRANT'S FIR3T STEP " ON SHORE."' lGd 
 
 "Don't be down-hearted anyway," said I; "distance is 
 nothing here; we think no more of a hundred miles than yon 
 do in Ireland of a walk before breakfast. If it's any comforc 
 to you, I'm going the same way myself." This very consola- 
 tory assurance, which I learned then for the first time also, 
 did not appear to give the full confidence I expected, for Joe 
 made no answer, but, with head dropped and clasped hands, 
 continued to mutter some words in Irish, that, so far as sound 
 went, had not the " clink " of blessings. 
 
 " He knows Dan," said the old man to his son, in a whisper, 
 which, low as it was, my quick ears detected. 
 
 " What does he know about him ? " exclaimed the son,, 
 savagely ; for the memory of one deception was too strong 
 upon him to make him lightly credulous. 
 
 " I knew a very smart young man — a very promising 
 young fellow indeed, at New Orleans," said I, "of the name 
 you speak of — Dan Cullinane." 
 
 " What part of Ireland did he come from? " asked Joe. 
 
 " The man I mean was from Clare, somewhere in the neigh- 
 bourhood of Ennis." 
 
 " That's it ! " said the old man. 
 
 " Whisht ! " said the son, whose caution was not so easily 
 satisfied; and turning to me, added, "What was he by trade?" 
 
 " He was a shoemaker, and an excellent one ; indeed, I've 
 no hesitation in saying, one of the best in New Orleans." 
 
 " What was the street he lived in ? " 
 
 Here was a puzzler ! for, as my reader knows, I was at the 
 end of my information, and had not the slightest knowledge of 
 New Orleans or its localities. The little scrap of newspaper 
 I had picked up on Anticosti was the only thing having any 
 reference to that city I ever possessed in my life. But, true 
 to my theory, to let nothing go to loss, I remembered this 
 now, and with an easy confidence said, " I cannot recall the 
 street, but it is just as you turn out of the street where 
 the Picayune newspaper-office stands." 
 
 " Right ! — all right, by the father of Moses! " cried Joe, 
 stretching out a brawny hand, and shaking mine with the- 
 cordiality of friendship. Then stepping forward to where 
 the rest of the party were walking with two most loquacious 
 guides, he said, "Molly ! here's a boy knows Dan ! Biddy * 
 come here, and hear about Dan ! " 
 
 Two young girls, in long cloth cloaks, turned hastily round, 
 and drew near, as they exclaimed in a breath, " Oh, tell us 
 about Dan, sir ! " 
 
 " 'Tis betther wait till we're in a house," said the old man,
 
 170 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 who was, however greedy for news, not a little desirous of 
 a fire and something to eat. " Sure you'll come with us, 
 and take yer share of what's going," said he to me ; an invi- 
 tation which, ere I could reply to, was reiterated by the w T hole 
 party. 
 
 " Do you know where we're going here ? " asked Joe of 
 me, as we continued our way through mazes of gloomy lanes 
 that grew gradually less and less frequented. 
 
 "No," said I, in a whisper, " but 'tis best be on our guard 
 here — we are in a bad neighbourhood." 
 
 " Well, there's three boys there," said he, pointing to his 
 sons, who walked in front, u that will pay for all they get. 
 "Will you ax the fellows how far we're to go yet, for they 
 don't mind we." 
 
 " Are we near this same lodging-house ? " said I, bluntly, to 
 the guides, and using French, to show that I was no un- 
 fledged arrival from beyond the seas. 
 
 " Ahi ! " cried one, " a gaillard from the battery." 
 
 " Where from, a la gueule de loup, young mounsier ? " 
 said the other, familiarly catching me by the lapel of my coat. 
 
 " Because I am not afraid of his teeth," said I, with an 
 easy effrontery my heart gave a flat lie to. 
 
 " Vrai ? " said he, with a laugh of horrible meaning. 
 
 " Vrai ! " repeated I, with a sinking courage, but a very 
 bold voice. 
 
 " I wish we were in better company," whispered I to Joe ; 
 " what directions did you give these fellows ? " 
 
 " To show us the best lodging-house for the night, and 
 that we'd pay well for it." 
 
 " Ah ! " thought I, " that explains something." 
 
 " Here we are, mounseers," said one, as, stopping at the 
 door of a two-storied house, he knocked with his knuckles 
 on the panel. 
 
 " Nous fillons, slick, en suite, here," said the other, hold- 
 ing out his hand. 
 
 " They are going ! " whispered I ; " they want to be paid, 
 and we are well rid of them." 
 
 " It would be manners to wait and see if they'll let us in," 
 said Joe, who did not fancy this summary departure, while 
 he fumbled in his pockec for a suitable coin. 
 
 "Vite! — quick! — sharp time!" cried one of the fellows, 
 who, as the sound of voices was heard from wdthin, seemed 
 impatient to be off; and so, snatching rather than taking the 
 shilling which still lingered in Joe's reluctant fingers, he 
 wheeled about and fled, followed rapidly by the other.
 
 ON SH03E." 171 
 
 " Qui va ! " cried a sharp voice from within, as I knocked 
 for the second time on the door-panel with a stone. 
 
 " Friends," said I, "we want a lodging and something to 
 eat." 
 
 The door was at once opened, and, by the light of a lantern, 
 we saw the figure of an old woman, whose eyes, bleared and 
 bloodshot, glared at ns fixedly. 
 
 "'Tis a lodgen' yez want?" said she, in an accent that 
 showed her to be Irish. " And who brought yez here ? " 
 
 " Two young fellows we met on the quay," said Joe ; " one 
 called the other 'Tony.'" 
 
 " Ay, indeed ! " muttered the hag; " I was sure of it; his 
 own son ! his own son ! " 
 
 These words she repeated in a tone of profound sorrow, 
 and for a time seemed quite unmindful of our presence. 
 
 " Are we to get in at all ? " said the old man, in an accent 
 of impatience. 
 
 " What a hurry yer in ; and maybe 'tis wishing yerself out 
 again ye'd be, after ye wor in ! " 
 
 " I think we'd better try somewhere else," whispered Joe 
 to me ; " I don't like the look of this place." Before I could 
 reply to this, a loud yell burst forth from the end of the 
 street, accompanied by the tramp of many people, who seemed 
 to move in a kind of regulated step. 
 
 " Here they are ! Here they come ! " cried the old woman ; 
 " step in quick, or ye'll be too late ! " and she dragged the 
 young girls forward by the cloak, into the hall ; we followed 
 without further question. Then placing the lantern on the 
 floor, she drew a heavy chain across the door, and dropped 
 her cloak over the light, saying in a low tremulous voice, 
 "Them's the ' Tapageers ! ' " 
 
 The crowd now came closer, and we perceived that they 
 were singing in chorus a song, of which the air at least was 
 Irish. 
 
 The barbarous rhyme of one rude verse, as they sung it in 
 passing, still lingers in my memory : 
 
 "No b'oody agint here we see 
 
 Ready to rack, distrain, and saze us, 
 "Whate'er we ax, we have it free, 
 
 And take at hand, whatever plaze us. 
 Tow, row, row, 
 "Will yez show me now, 
 The polis that'll dare to face us !" 
 
 "There they go! 'tis well ye wor safe! " said the old hag,
 
 172 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 as the sounds died away, and all became silent in the street 
 without. 
 
 " Who, or what are they ? " said I ; my curiosity being 
 stimulated by fear. 
 
 " Them's the ' Tapageers ! ' The chaps that never spared 
 man or woman in their rounds. 'Tis bad enough, the place 
 is ; but they make it far worse ! " 
 
 " Can we stop here for the night?" said Joe, growing 
 impatient at the colloquy. 
 
 "And what for wud ye stop here?" asked the crone, as 
 she held up the lantern the better to see him who made the 
 demand. 
 
 " We want our supper, and a place to sleep," said the old 
 man ; " and we're able and. willin' to pay for both." 
 
 " 'Tis a nice place ye kem for either! " said she; and she 
 leaned back against the wall, and laughed with a fiend-like 
 malice, that made my blood chill. 
 
 "Then I suppose we must go somewhere else," said Joe; 
 "come, boys, 'tis no use losing our time here! " 
 
 " God speed you ! " said she, preparing to undo the chain 
 that fastened the door. " Ye have bould hearts, any way ! 
 There they go ! d'ye hear them ? " This was said in a half- 
 whisper, as the wild yells of the " Tapageers " arose without ; 
 and soon after, the noise and tumult of a scuffle ; at least 
 we could hear the crashing of sticks, and the shouting of 
 a fray; from which, too, piercing cries for help burst forth. 
 
 "What are ye doin' ? are ye mad? are ye out of your 
 sinses ? " cried the hag, as Joe endeavoured to wrest open 
 the chain — the secret of which he did not understand. 
 
 " They're murdering some one without there ! " said he. 
 " Let me free, or I'll kick down your old door, this minute ! " 
 
 " Kick away, honey ! " said the hag; "as strongmen as 
 yourself tried that a'ready ; and d'ye hear, it's done now! 
 it's over I" These terrible words were in allusion to a low 
 kind of sobbing sound, which grew fainter and fainter, and 
 then ceased altogether. 
 
 " They're taking the body away," whispered she, after a 
 pause of death-like stillness. 
 
 " Where to ? " said I, half breathless with terror. 
 
 " To the river! the stream runs fast, and the corpse will 
 be down below Goose Island — av, in the Gulf, 'fore morn- 
 ing!" 
 
 The two young girls, unable longer to control their feel- 
 ings, here burst out a crying ; and the old man, pulling out a 
 rosary, turned to the wall, and began his prayers.
 
 ax emigrant's first step " ON SHORE." 173 
 
 " 'Tis a bloody place ; glory be to God ! " said Joe, at last, 
 with a sigh, and clasped his hands before him, like one unable 
 to decide on what course to follow. 
 
 I saw, now, that all were so paralyzed by fear, that it 
 devolved upon me to act for the rest : so, summoning my best 
 courage, I said, "Will you allow us to stay here for the night? 
 since we are strangers, and do not know where to seek shelter." 
 She shook her head, not so much with the air of refusing my 
 request, as to convey that I had asked for something scarce 
 worth the granting. 
 
 " We only want a shelter for the night " 
 
 " And a bit to eat," broke in the old man, turning round 
 from his prayers. " Sanctificatur in sec'la — if it was only a 
 bit of belly bacon, and — Tower of Ivory, purtect us — with a 
 pot of praties, and — Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John " 
 
 "Is he a friar ? " said the hag to me, eagerly ; " does he 
 belong to an ' orclher ? ' " 
 
 " No," said I ; " he's only a good Catholic." 
 
 She wrung her hands, as if in disappointment; and then, 
 taking up the lantern once more, said, "Come along! I'll 
 show yez where ye can stay." 
 
 We followed, I leading the others, up a narrow and rickety 
 stair, between two walls, streaming with damp, and patched 
 with mould. When she reached the landing, she searched 
 for a moment for a key, which having found, she opened the 
 door of a long low room, whose only furniture was a deal 
 table and a few chairs ; a candle stuck in a bottle, and some 
 drinkiug-vessels of tin, were on the table, and a piece of news- 
 paper containing some tobacco. 
 
 "There," said she, lighting the candle; "you may stay 
 here ; 'tis all I'm able to do for yez, is to give ye shelter." 
 
 "And nothing to eat?" ejaculated the old man, sorrow- 
 fully. 
 
 " Hav'n't you a few potatoes ? " said Joe. 
 
 " I didn't taste food since yesterday morning," said the 
 hag ; " and that's what's to keep life in me to-morrow ! " and 
 as she spoke, she held out a fragment of blackened sea-biscuit, 
 such as Russian sailors call " rusk." 
 
 " Well, by coorse, there's no use in talking," said Joe, who 
 always seemed the first to see his way clearly. "'Tis worse 
 for the girls, for we can take a draw of the pipe. Lucky for 
 us we have it ! " 
 
 Meanwhile, the two girls had taken off their cloaks, and 
 were busy gathering some loose sticks together, to make a 
 fire ; a piece of practical wisdom I at once lent all aid to.
 
 174 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 The hag, apparently moved by the ready compliance to 
 make the best of matters, went out, and returned with some 
 more wood, fragments of ship-timber, which she offered us, 
 saying, "'Tis all I can give yez. Good night to yez all ! " 
 
 " Well, father," said Joe, as soon as he had lighted his pipe, 
 and taken a seat by the fire, " ye wor tired enough of the 
 ship, but I think ye wish yerself back again there, now." 
 
 " I wish more nor that," said the old man, querulously ; " I 
 wish I never seen the same ship; nor ever left ould Ireland ! " 
 
 This sentiment threw a gloom over the whole party, by 
 awakening not only memories of home and that far away 
 land, but also by the confession of a sense of disappointment, 
 which each was only able to struggle against, while unavowed. 
 The sorrow made them silent, and at last sleepy. At first, 
 the three "boys," great fellows of six feet high, stretched 
 themselves full-length on the floor, and snored away in con- 
 cert ; then the two girls, one with her head on the other's lap, 
 fell off; while the old man, sitting directly in front of the 
 fire, nodded backwards and forwards, waking up, every half- 
 hour or so, to light his pipe ; which done, he immediately fell 
 off into a doze once more j leaving Joe and myself alone 
 waking and watchful.
 
 175 
 
 CHAPTER XVL 
 
 A NIGHT IN THE " LOWER TOWN." 
 
 Joe's eyes were bent upon me, as I sat directly opposite him y 
 with a fixedness that I could easily see was occasioned by my 
 showy costume ; his glances ranged from my buckled shoes to 
 my white cravat, adorned with a splendid brooch of mock 
 amethyst ; nay, I almost fancied once that he was counting 
 the silver clocks on my silk stockings ! It was a look of most 
 undisguised astonishment, — such a look as one bestows upon 
 some new and singular animal, of whose habits and instincts 
 we are lost in conjecture. 
 
 Now, I was " York, too," — that is to say, I was Irish as 
 well as himself; and I well knew that there was no rank nor 
 condition of man for which the peasant in Ireland conceives 
 the same low estimate as the " Livery Servant." The class 
 is associated in his mind with chicanery, impudence, false- 
 hood, theft, and a score of similar good properties ; not to add, 
 that being occasionally, in great families, a native of England, 
 the Saxon element is united to the other " bitters " of the 
 potion. 
 
 Scarcely a " tenant " could be found that would not rather 
 face a mastiff than a footman, — such is the proverbial dislike 
 to these human lilies, who neither toil nor spin. Now, I have 
 said I knew this well : I had been reared in the knowledge 
 and practice of this and many similar antipathies, so that I 
 at once took counsel with myself what I should do to escape 
 from the reproach of a mark so indelibly stamped upon me 
 by externals. " La famille Cullinane " suited me admirably, 
 — they were precisely the kind of people I wanted ; my care, 
 therefore, was that they should reciprocate the want, and be 
 utterly helpless without me. Thus reflecting, I could not help 
 saying to myself, how gladly would I have parted with all 
 these gauds for a homely, ay, or even a ragged suit of native 
 frieze. I remembered the cock on the dunghill, who would 
 have given his diamond for one single grain of corn : and I 
 felt that "yEsop " was a grand political economist. 
 
 From these and similar mental meanderings I was brought 
 back by Joe ; who, after emptying the ashes from his pipe,
 
 176 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 said, and with a peculiarly dry voice, " Ye'r in a service, 
 young man ? " 
 
 Now, although the words are few, and the speaker did not 
 intend that his manner should have given them any particular 
 significance, yet the tone, the cautious slowness of the enun- 
 ciation — coupled with the stern steady stare at my " bravery," 
 made them tingle on my ears, and send the blood rushing to 
 my cheeks with shame. It was like a sharp prick of the spur ; 
 and so it turned out. 
 
 "In a service ! " said I, with a look of offended dignity. 
 " No, I flatter myself not that low yet. What could have 
 made you suppose so ? Oh, I see ! " — here I burst out 
 into a very well-assumed laugh ; " that is excellent, to be 
 sure ! ha, ha, ha ! so it was these," — and I stretched forth 
 my embroidered shins — " it was these deceived you ! and a 
 very natural mistake, too. No, my worthy friend ; not but, 
 indeed, I might envy many in that same ignoble position.'-' 
 I said this with a sudden change of voice, as though overcast 
 by some sad recollection. 
 
 " 'Twas indeed your dress," said Joe, with a modest defer- 
 ence in his manner, meant to be a full apology for his late 
 blunder. " Maybe 'tis the fashion here." 
 
 " No, Cullinane," said I, using a freedom which should 
 open the way to our relative future standing ; " no, not even 
 that ;" here I heaved a heavy sigh, and became silent. My 
 companion, abashed by his mistake, said nothing ; and so we 
 sat without interchanging a word for full five minutes. 
 
 " I have had a struggle with myself, Cullinane," said I, at 
 last ; " and I have conquered. Ay, I have gained the day in 
 a hard-fought battle against my sense of shame. I will be 
 frank with you, therefore. In this dress I appeared to-night 
 on the boards of the Quebec theatre." 
 
 " A play actor ! " exclaimed Joe, with a face very far from 
 expressing any high sense of the histrionic art. 
 
 " Not exactly," said I, " only a would-be one. I am a 
 gentleman by birth, family, and fortune ; but taking into my 
 head, in a foolish hour, that I should like the excitement of 
 an actor's life, I fled from home, quitted friends, relatives, 
 affluence, and ease, to follow a strolling company. At another 
 time I may relate to you all the disguises I assumed to escape 
 detection. Immense sums were offered for my apprehension 
 — why do I say were? — ay, Cullinane, are offered. I will not 
 deceive you. It is in your power this instant, by surrender- 
 ing me to my family, to earn five thousand dollars ! " 
 
 "Do ye think I'd be "
 
 A SIGHT IN THE " LOWER TOWN." 177 
 
 "No, I do not. In proof of my confidence in you, hear 
 my story. We travelled through, the States at first by un- 
 frequented routes till we reached the north, when gaining 
 courage, I ventured to take a high range of characters, and, 
 I will own it, with success. At last we came to Canada, in 
 which country, although the reward had not been announced, 
 my father had acquainted all the principal people with my 
 flight, entreating them to do their utmost to dissuade me 
 from a career so far below my rank and future prospects. 
 Among others, he wrote to an old friend and schoolfellow, 
 the Governor- General, requesting his aid in this affair. I 
 was always able, from other sources, to learn every step that 
 was taken with this object; so that I not only knew this, 
 but actually possessed a copy of my father's letter to Lord 
 Poynder, wherein this passage occurred — ' Above all things, 
 my dear Poynder, no publicity ! no exposure ! remember the 
 position Cornelius will one day hold, and let him not be 
 ashamed when he may meet you in after-life. If the silly 
 boy can be induced, by his own sense of dignity, to abandon 
 this unworthy pursuit, so much the better ; but coercion 
 would, I fear, give faint hope of eradicating the evil/ Now, 
 as I perceived that no actual force was to be employed against 
 me, I did not hesitate to appear in the part for which the 
 bills announced me. Have you ever read Shakspeare ?" 
 
 " No, sir," said Joe, respectfully. 
 
 " Well, no matter. I was to appear as ' Hamlet ' — this is 
 the dress of that character — little suspecting, indeed, how the 
 applause I was accustomed to receive was to be changed. 
 To be brief. In the very centre of the dress-circle was the 
 Governor himself; he came with his whole staff, but without 
 any previous intimation. No sooner had I made my entrance 
 on the scene — scarcely had I begun that magnificent soliloquy, 
 1 Show me the thief that stole my fame,' — when his Excel- 
 lency commenced hissing ! Now, when the Governor- General 
 hisses, all the staff hiss ; then the President of the Council 
 and all his colleagues hiss ; then comes the bishop and the 
 inferior clergy, with the judges and the Attorney- General, 
 and so on : then all the loyal population of the house joined 
 in, with the exception of a few in the galleries, that hated 
 the British connexion, and who cried out, ' Three cheers for 
 Con Cregan and the independence of Canada ! ' In this way 
 went on the first act ; groans and yells and catcalls over- 
 topping all I tried to say, and screams for the manager to 
 come out issuing from every part of the house. At last out 
 he did come. This for a while made matters worse ; so many 
 
 N
 
 17 8 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 directions were given, questions asked, and demands made, 
 that it was clearly impossible to hear any one voice; and 
 there stood the manager, swinging his arms about like an 
 insane telegraph, now running to the stage-box at one side, 
 then crossing over to the other, to maintain a little private 
 conversation by signs, till the sense of the house spoke out 
 by accidently catching a glimpse of me in the side-scenes. 
 
 " ' Is it your pleasure, my lords, ladies, and gentlemen, that 
 this actor should not appear again before you ? ' 
 
 "'Yes — yes. No — no— no,' were shouted from hundreds 
 of voices. 
 
 " ' What am I to understand,' said he, bowing with his 
 arms crossed submissively before him ; ' I submit myself to 
 your orders. If Mr. Cregan doos not meet your approba- 
 tion " 
 
 " ' Throw him into the dock ! — break his neck ! — set him 
 adrift on a log down the Gulf-stream ! — chip him up for 
 bark! — burn him for charcoal!' — and twenty other like 
 humane proposals burst forth together ; and so not waiting 
 to see how far the manager's politeness would carry him, I 
 fled from the theatre. Yes, Cullinane, I fled with shame and 
 disgust from that fickle public, who applaud with ecstasy to- 
 day that they may condemn with infamy to-morrow. Nor 
 was I deceived by the vain egotism of supposing that I was 
 the object of their ungenerous anger. Alas ! my friend, the 
 evil lay deeper — it was my Irish name and family they sought 
 to insult ! The old grudge that they bear us at home, they 
 carry over the seas with them. How plain it is ; they never 
 can forgive our superiority. It is this they seek revenge 
 upon wherever they find us." 
 
 I own that in giving this peculiar turn to my narrative, I 
 was led by perceiving that my listener had begun to show a 
 most lamentable want of sympathy for myself and my suffer- 
 ings, so I was driven to try what a little patriotism might do 
 in arousing his feelings : and I was right. Some of Culli- 
 nane's connexions had been Terrys — or Blackfeet or White- 
 feet, or some one or other of those pleasant fraternities who 
 study ball- practice, with a landlord for the bull's-eye. He at 
 once caught up the spirit of my remarks, and even quoted 
 some eloquent passages of Mr. O'Connell, about the width of 
 our shoulders, and the calves of our legs, and other like 
 personal advantages, incontestably showing as they do that 
 we never were made to be subject to the Saxon. It was the 
 law of the land, however, which had his heartiest abhorrence. 
 This, like nine-tenths of his own class in Ireland, he regarded
 
 A NIGHT IN THE "LOWER TOWN." 179 
 
 as a sytematic means of oppression, invented by the rich 
 to give them the tyrannical dominion over the poor. Nor is 
 the belief to be wondered at, considering how cognizant the 
 peasant often is of all the schemes and wiles by which a con- 
 viction is compassed ; nay, the very adroitness of a legal 
 defence in criminal cases — the feints, the quips, the strata- 
 gems — instead of suggesting admiration for those barriers by 
 which the life and liberty of a subject is protected, only 
 engendered a stronger conviction of the roguish character of 
 that ordeal where craft and subtlety could do so much. 
 
 It was at the close of a very long diatribe over Irish law 
 and lawyers, that Cullinane, whose confidence increased each 
 moment, said, with a sigh, " Ay ! they worn't so 'cute in 
 ould times, when my poor grandfather was tried, as they are 
 now, or maybe he'd have had betther luck.'' 
 
 " What happened to him ? " said I. 
 
 " He was hanged, acushla ! " said he, knocking the ashes 
 out of his pipe as leisurely as might be, and then mumbling 
 a scrap of a prayer below his breath. 
 
 " For what ? " asked I, in some agitation ; but he didn't 
 hear me, being sunk in his own reflections, so that I was 
 forced to repeat my question. 
 
 "Ye never heerd of one Mr. Shinane, of the Grove?" 
 said he, after a pause ; tl of coorse ye didn't — 'tis many years 
 ago now : but he was well known oncet, and owned a great 
 part of Ennistymore, and a hard man he was. But no 
 matter for that — he was a strong, full man, with rosy cheeks, 
 and stout built, and sorra a lease in the country had not his 
 life in it ! — a thing he liked well, for he used to say, ' It'll be 
 the ruin of ye all, if any one shoots me ! ' Well, my grand- 
 father — rest his sowl in glory ! — was his driver, and used to 
 manage everything on the property for him ; and considerin' 
 what a hard thing it is, he was well liked by the country 
 round — all but by one man, Maurice Cafferty by name. I 
 never seed him, for it was all 'fore I was born, but the name 
 is in my mind, as if I knew him well — I used to hear ifc 
 every night of my life when I was a child ! 
 
 " There was a dispute about Cafferty's houldin'. and my 
 grandfather was for turnin' him out, for he was a bad tenant ; 
 but Mr. Shinane was afeerd of him, and said, ' Leave him 
 quiet, Mat,' says he ; ' he's a troublesome chap, and we'll get 
 rid of him in our own good time; but don't drive him to 
 extremities : I told him to come up to the cottage this morn- 
 ing : come with me there, and we'll talk to him.' ISTow the 
 cottage was a little place about two miles off, in the woods, 
 
 N 2
 
 180 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 where the master used to dine sometimes in summer, when 
 they were chipping bark, but nobody lived there. 
 
 11 It was remarked by many that morning, as they went 
 along, that my grandfather and Mr. Shinane were in high 
 words all the time, — at least so the people working in the fields 
 thought, and even the childer that was picking bark said that 
 they were talking as if they were very angry with each other. 
 
 "This was about eleven o'clock, and at the same time 
 Cafferty, w T ho was selling a pig in Ennistymore, said to tho 
 butcher, ' Be quick, and tell me what you'll give, for I must, 
 go home and clean myself, as I'm to speak to the master 
 to-day about my lease.' Well, at a little before twelve Caf- 
 ferty came through the wood, and asked the people had they 
 seen Mr. Shinane pass by, for that he towld him to meet him 
 at the cottage ; and the workmen said yes, and more by token 
 that he was quarrellin' with Mat Cullinane. ' I'm sorry for 
 that,' says Cafferty, ' for I wanted him to be in a good 
 humour, and long life to him ! ' The words wasn't well out, 
 but what would they see but my grandfather running towards 
 them, at the top of his speed, screeching out like mad, ' The 
 master's murdered ! the master's kilt dead ! ' Away they all 
 went to the cottage, and there upon the floor was the dead 
 body, with an axe buried deep in the skull — so deep that only 
 the thick part of the iron was outside. That was the dreadful 
 sight ! and sure enough, after looking at the corpse, every eye 
 was turned on my grandfather, who was leaning on the 
 dresser, pale, and trembling, and his hands and knees all 
 covered with blood. ' How did it happen, Mat ? ' said three 
 or four together ; but Cafferty muttered, ' It's better ask 
 nothing about it ; it's not likely he'll tell us the truth ! ' 
 
 " The same night my grandfather was arrested on suspicion 
 and brought to Ennis, where he was lodged in gaol ; and 
 although there was no witness agin' him, nor anything more 
 than 1 towld ye, — the high words between them, the axe being 
 my grandfather's, the blood on his clothes and hands, and his 
 dreadful confusion when the people came up, — all these went 
 so hard against him, and particularly as the judge said it was 
 good to make an example, that he was condemned ; and so 
 it was he was hanged on the next Saturday in front of the 
 gaol!" 
 
 " But what defence did he make ? what account did he give 
 of the circumstance ? " 
 
 <; All he could tell was, that he was standing beside the 
 master at the table, talking quietly, when he heard a shout 
 and a yell in the wood, and he said, ' They're stealing the
 
 A NIGHT IN THE "LOWER TOWN." 181 
 
 bark out there ; they'll not leave us a hundredweight of it 
 jet ! ' and out he rushed into the copse. The shouting grew 
 louder, and he thought it was some of the men cryin' for help, 
 and so he never stopped running till he came where they were 
 at work felling trees. ' What's the matter ? ' says he, to the 
 men, as he came up panting and breathless ; * where was the 
 screeching ? ' 
 
 " ' We heerd nothing,' says the men. 
 
 " ' Ye heerd nothing ! didn't ye hear yells and shouting 
 this minute?' 
 
 " ' Sorra bit/ says the men, looking strangely at each other, 
 for my grandfather was agitated, and trembling, between 
 anger and a kind of fear ; just as he said afterwards, ' as if 
 there was something dreadful going to happen him ! * ' Them, 
 was terrible cries, anyway ! ' says my grandfather ; and with 
 that he turned back to the cottage, and it was then that he 
 found the master lying dead on his face, and the axe in his 
 skull. He tried to lift him up, or turn him over on his back, 
 and that was the way he bloodied his hands, and all the front 
 of his clothes. That was all he had to say, and to swear 
 before the sight of Heaven that he didn't do it ! 
 
 " 2s o matter ! they hanged him for it ! Ay, and I have an 
 ould newspaper in my trunk this minit, where there's a great 
 discoorse about the wickedness of a crayture going out of the 
 world wid a lie on his last breath ! " 
 
 " And you think he was innocent ? " said I. 
 
 " Sure, we know it ! sure, the priest said to my father, — 
 * take courage,' says he, ' your father isn't in a bad place. 
 If he's in purgatory,' says he, ' he's not over the broken 
 bridge, where the murderers does be, but in the meadows, 
 where the stream is shallow and stepping-stones in it ! and 
 every stone costs ten masses — sorra more ! ' God help us ! 
 but blood is a dreadful thing ! " And with this reflection, 
 uttered in a voice of fervent feeling, the hardy peasant laid 
 down his pipe ; and I could see, by his muttering lips, and 
 clasped hands, that he was offering up a prayer for the soul's 
 rest of his unhappy kinsman. 
 
 " And what became of Cafferty ? " said I, as he finished his 
 devotions. 
 
 " 'Twas never rightly known ; for, after he gave evidence 
 on the trial, the people didn't like him, and he left the 
 place ; some say he went to his mother's relations down in 
 Kerry ! " 
 
 The deep-drawn breathings of the sleepers around us ; the 
 unbroken stillness of the night j the fast-expiring embers,
 
 182 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 which only flickered at intervals, contributed their aid to 
 make the story more deeply affecting ; and I sat pondering 
 over it, and canvassing within my mind all the probabilities 
 of the condemned man's guilt or innocence ; nor, I must own 
 it, were all my convictions on the side of the narrator's belief ; 
 but even that very doubt heightened the interest considerably. 
 As for Cullinane, his thoughts were evidently less with the 
 incidents of the characters as they lived, than with that long 
 pilgrimage of expiation, in which his imagination pictured 
 his poor relative still a wanderer beyond the grave. 
 
 The fire now bai*ely flickered, throwing from time to time 
 little jets of light upon the sleeping figures around us, and then 
 leaving all in dark indistinctness. My companion also, 
 crouching down, hid his face within his hands, and either 
 slept or was lost in deep thought, and I alone of all the party 
 was left awake, my mind dwelling on the tale I had just 
 heard with a degree of interest to which the place and the 
 hour strongly contributed. 
 
 I had been for some time thus, when the sound of feet 
 moving heavily over head, attracted my attention, — they 
 were like the sluggish footsteps of age, but passing to and 
 fro with what seemed haste and eagerness. I could hear a 
 voice, too, which even in its indistinctness I recognized as 
 that of the old woman ; and once or twice fancied I could 
 detect another, whose accents sounded like pain and suffering. 
 The shuffling footsteps still continued, and I heard the old 
 crazy sash of the window opon, and after an interval, shut 
 again, while I distinctly could catch the old hag's voice, 
 saying, " It's all dark without; there's no use * trying! ' " a 
 low whining sound followed; and then I heard the old woman 
 slowly descending the stairs, and by the motion of her hand 
 along the wall I conjectured that she had no light. 
 
 She stopped as she came to the door, and seemed to listen 
 to the long-drawn breathing of the sleepers ; and then she 
 pushed open the door and entered. With a strange dread 
 of what this might mean, I still resolved to let the event 
 take its course ; and, feigning deepest sleep, I lay back 
 against the wall, and watched her well. 
 
 Guiding herself along by the wall, she advanced slowly, 
 halting every second or third step to listen, — a strange pre- 
 caution, since her own asthmatic breathing was enough to 
 mask all other sounds. At last she neared the grate ; and 
 then her thin and cord-like fingers passed from the wall, to 
 rest upon my head. It was with a kind of thrill I felt them ; 
 for I perceived by the touch that she did not know on what
 
 A NIGHT IN THE " LOWER TOWN." 163 
 
 her hand was placed. She knelt down now, close beside me, 
 and stooping over, stirred the embers with her fingers, till 
 she discovered some faint resemblance to fire, amid the dark 
 ashes. To brighten this into flame, she blew upon it for 
 several minutes, and, even taking the live embers in her hands, 
 tried in every way to kindle them. 
 
 With a patience that seemed untirable, she continued at 
 this for a long time ; now selecting from the hearth some 
 new material to work upon, and now abandoning it for 
 another ; till when I had almost grown drowsy in watching 
 this monotonous process, a thin bright light sprung up, and 
 I saw that she had lighted a little piece of candle that she 
 held in her hand. I think even now I have her before me, 
 as, crouched down upon her knees, and sheltering the candle 
 from the current air of the room, she took a stealthy, but 
 searching glance at the figures, who in every attitude of 
 weariness, were sleeping heavily around. 
 
 It was not without a great effort that she regained her 
 feet, — for she was very old and infirm ; and now she retraced 
 her steps cautiously as she came — stooping at intervals to 
 listen, and then resuming her way as before. I watched her 
 till she passed out ; and then, as I heard her first heavy 
 foot-step on the stair, I slipped off my shoes, and followed 
 her. 
 
 My mind throughout the whole of that night had been 
 kept in a state of tension, that invariably has the effect of 
 magnifying the significance of every — even the very com- 
 monest occurrences. It resembles that peculiar condition in 
 certain maladies, when the senses become preternaturally 
 acute ; in such moments the reason is never satisfied with 
 drawing only from inferences for any fact before it ; it seeks 
 for more, and in the effort becomes lost in the mazes of mere 
 fancy. I will own, that as with stealthy step, and noiseless 
 gesture, I followed that old hag, there was a kind of ecstasy 
 in my terror which no mere sense of pleasure could convey. 
 The light seemed to show ghastly shapes, as she passed, on 
 the green and mouldy walls ; and her head, with its masses 
 of long and straggling grey hair, nodded in shadow like some 
 unearthly spectre. 
 
 As she came nigh the top, I heard a weak and whining cry, 
 something too deep for the voice of infancy, but seeming too 
 faint for manhood. " Ay, ay," croaked the hag harshly, " I'm 
 coming — I'm coming ! " and as she said this, she pushed 
 open a door, and entered a room, which, by the passing gleam 
 of light as she went, I perceived lay next to the roof, for
 
 184 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 the rafters and the tiles were both visible, as there was no 
 ceiling. 
 
 I held my breath as I slowly stole along, and then reaching 
 the door as it lay half ajar, I crouched down and peeped in. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 A "SCENE," AND "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 
 
 "When the light of the candle which the old woman carried 
 had somewhat dissipated the darkness, I could see the whole 
 interior of the room ; and certainly, well habituated as I had 
 been from my earliest years to such sights, poverty like this 
 I never had seen before ! Not a chair nor table was there ; 
 a few broken utensils for cooking, such as are usually thrown 
 away as useless among rubbish, stood upon the cold hearth. 
 A few potatoes on one broken dish, and a little meat on 
 another, were the only things like food. It was not for some 
 minutes that I perceived in the corner a miserable bed of 
 straw confined within a plank, supported by two rough 
 stones ; nor was it till I had looked long and closely, that I 
 saw that the figure of a man lay extended on the bed, his 
 stiffened and outstretched limbs resembling those of a corpse. 
 Towards this the old woman now tottered with slow steps, 
 and setting the small piece of candle upright in a saucer, she 
 approached the bed. " There it is, now ; look at it, and 
 make yer mind aisy," said she, placing it on the floor beside 
 the bed, in such a position that he could see it. 
 
 The sick man turned his face round, and as his eyes met 
 the light, there came over his whole features a wondrous 
 change. Livid and clammy with the death sweat, the rigid 
 muscles relaxed, and in the staring eye-balls and the parted 
 lips there seemed a perfect paroxysm of emotion. " Is that 
 it ? — are ye sure that's it ? " cried he, in a voice to which the 
 momentary excitement imparted strength. 
 
 " To be sure I am ; I seen Father Ned bless it himself and 
 sprinkle it too ! " said she. 
 
 " Oh ! the heavenly- " He stopped, and in a lower
 
 A " SCENE." 185 
 
 voice added, " Say it for me, Molly ! — say it for me, Molly ! 
 I can't say it myself." 
 
 "Keep your eyes on the blessed candle! " said the hag, 
 peevishly ; " 'tis a quarter dollar it cost me." 
 
 " Wouldn't he come, Molly ? — did he say he wouldn't 
 
 come 
 
 P » 
 
 " Father Ned ! arrah, 'tis likely he'd come here at night, 
 with the Tapageers on their rounds, and nothing to give 
 him when he kem ! " 
 
 " Not to hear my last words ! — not to take my confession!" 
 cried he, in a kind of shriek. " Oh ! 'tis the black list of 
 sins I have to own to ! " 
 
 " Whisht — whisht ! " cried the hag. " 'Tis many a year ago 
 now ; maybe it's all forgot." 
 
 "No, it's not," cried the dying man, with a wild energy 
 he did not seem to have strength for. " When you wor 
 away, Molly, he was here, standing beside the bed." 
 
 The old hag laughed with a horrid sardonic laugh. 
 
 "Don't — don't, for the love of — ah — I can't say — T can't 
 say it," cried he, and the voice died away in the effort. 
 
 " What did he say to ye when he kem ? " said she, in a 
 scoffing tone. 
 
 " He never spoke a word, but he pressed back the cloth 
 that was on his head, and I saw the deep cut in it, down to 
 the very face ! " 
 
 " Well, I am sure it had time to heal before this time," 
 said the woman, with a tone of mockery that at last became 
 palpable to the dying man. 
 
 " Where's Dan, Molly — did he never come back since ?" 
 
 " Sorra bit : he said he'd go out of the house, and never 
 come back to it. You frightened the boy with the terrible 
 things you say in j 7 our ravings." 
 
 " Oh ! murther — murther — my own flesh and blood de- 
 sart me." 
 
 " Then why won't you be raisonable — why won't you hould 
 your peace about what happened long agone ?" 
 
 " Because I can't," said he, with a peevish eagerness. 
 " Because I'm going where it's all known a'ready." 
 
 " Faix, and I wouldn't be remindin' them any way!" said 
 the hag, whose sarcastic impiety added fresh tortures to the 
 dying sinner. 
 
 " I wanted to tell Father Ned all — I wanted to have masses 
 for him that's gone — the man that suffered instead of me ! 
 Oh dear! — Oh dear! — and nobody will come to me." 
 
 " If ye cry that loud I'll leave you too," said the hag.
 
 J. S3 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 11 They know already 'tis the spotted fever ye have, and 
 the Tapageers would burn the house under ye, if I was 
 to go." 
 
 " Don't go, Molly — don't leave me," he cried, with heart- 
 rending anguish. " Bring the blessed candle nearer, I don't 
 see it well." 
 
 " You'll see less of it soon, 'tis nigh out," said she, snuff- 
 ing the wick with her fingers. 
 
 The dying man now stretched out his fleshless fingers to- 
 wards the light, and I could see by his lips that he was 
 praying. " They're calling me now," cried he, " Molly," — 
 and his voice of a sudden grew strong and full, — " don't ye 
 hear them ? — there it is again — Maurice Cafferty — Maurice 
 Cafferty, yer wan tin'." 
 
 " Lie down and be at peace," said she, rudely pushing him 
 back on the bed. 
 
 " The blessed candle — where's the blessed candle ? " 
 shrieked he. 
 
 " 'Tis out," said the hag, and as she spoke the wick fell 
 into the saucer, and all was dark. 
 
 A wild and fearful cry broke from the sick man, and re- 
 echoed through the silent house, and ere it died away I had 
 crept stealthy back to my place beside my companions. 
 
 " Did ye hear anything, or was I dreamin' ? " said Joe to 
 me ; " I thought I heard the most dreadful scream — like a 
 man drownin'." 
 
 " It was a dream, perhaps," said I, shuddering at the 
 thought of what I had just witnessed, while I listened with 
 terrible anxiety for any sound overhead, but none came ; 
 and so passed the long hours till day-dawn. 
 
 Without revealing to my companion the terrible scene I 
 had been witness to, I told him that we were in the same 
 house with a fearful malady — an announcement I well knew 
 had greater terror for none than an Irish peasant. He at 
 once decided on departing ; and, although day was barely 
 breaking, he awoke the others, and a low whispering con- 
 versation ensued, in which I felt, or imagined at least, that I 
 was an interested party. At last, Joe turning towards me, 
 said, " And you, sir, what do you mean to do ? " 
 
 " The very question," said I, " that I cannot answer. If I. 
 were to follow my inclination, I'd turn homeward ; if 1 must 
 yield to necessity, I'll call upon the Governor- General, and 
 remain with him till I hear from my friends." 
 
 There was a pause — a moment of deliberation seemed to 
 fall upon the bystanders, which at length was broken by the
 
 A " SCENE." 187 
 
 old man saying, "Well, good luck be with yon, any way 'tis 
 the best thing you could do ! " 
 
 I saw that I had overshot my bolt, and with difficulty con- 
 cealed my annoyance at my own failure. My irritation was, 
 I conclude, sufficiently apparent, for Joe quickly said, 
 " We're very sorry to part with you ; but if we could be of 
 any use before we go " 
 
 " Which way do you travel ? " said I, carelessly. 
 
 " That's the puzzle, for we don't know the country. 'Tis 
 New Orleans we'd like to go to first." 
 
 "Nothing easier," said I. "Take the steamer to 
 Montreal, cross over into the States, down Lake Champlain 
 to Whitehall, over to Albany, and then twenty hours down 
 the Hudson brings you to New York." 
 
 " You know the way well ! " said Joe, with an undisguised 
 admiration for my geography, which, I need not tell the 
 reader, was all acquired from books and maps. 
 
 "I should think so ! " said I, " seeing that I might travel it 
 blindfold ! " 
 
 " Is it dangerous? Are there Injians ? " said the old man, 
 whose mind seemed very alive to the perils of red men. 
 
 " There are some tribes on the way,'* said I ; " but the 
 white fellows you meet with are worse than the red ones — 
 such rogues, and assassins, too ! " 
 
 " The saints presarve us ! How will we ever do it? " 
 
 " Look out for some smart fellow who knows the way, and 
 thoroughly understands the people, and who can speak 
 French fluently, for the first part of the journey, and who 
 is up to all the Yankee roguery, for the second. Give him full 
 power to guide and direct your expedition, and you'll have 
 both a safe journey and a pleasant one." 
 
 " Ay, and where will we get him ? " cried one. 
 
 "And what would he be askin' for his trouble?" said 
 another ; while Joe, with an assenting nod, reiterated both 
 questions, and seemed to expect that answer from me. 
 
 " It ought to be easy enough in such a city as this," said 
 I, negligently. " Are you acquainted with Forbes and 
 Gudgeon ? They are my bankers. They could, I am sure 7 
 find out your man at once." 
 
 " Ah, sir, we know nobody at all ! " exclaimed Joe, in an 
 accent of such humility, that I actually felt shocked at my 
 own duplicity. 
 
 " By Jove ! " said I, as though a sudden thought had 
 struck me, " very little would make me go with you myself.'^ 
 A regular burst of joy from the whole party here interrupted
 
 188 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CHEGAN. 
 
 me. " Yes, I'm quite in earnest," said I, with a dignified 
 air. " This place will be excessively distasteful to me hence- 
 forth. I have placed myself in what is called a false position 
 here, and 'twere far better to escape from it at once." 
 
 " That would be the making of us, all out, if ye could 
 come, Mr. Cregan ! " said Joe. 
 
 " Let me interrupt you one moment," said I. " If I 
 should accompany you on this journey, there is one condition 
 only upon which I would consent to it." 
 
 " Whatever you like ; only say it," said he, over whom I 
 had established a species of magnetic influence. 
 
 " It is this, then," said I, " that you treat me on terms of 
 perfect equality — forget my birth and rank in life ; regard 
 me exactly as one of yourselves. Let me be no longer any- 
 thing but Con Cregan. " 
 
 " That's mighty handsome, entirely ! " said the old man — 
 a sentiment concurred in by the whole family in chorus. 
 
 " Remember, then," said I, "no more Mr. Cregan. I am 
 Con — nothing more ! " 
 
 Joe looked unutterable delight at the condescension. 
 
 " Secondly, I should not wish to go back to my lodgings 
 here, after what has occurred ; so I'll write a few lines to 
 have my trunks forwarded to Montreal, until which time I'll 
 ask of you to procure me a change of costume, for I cannot 
 bear to be seen in this absurd dress by daylight." 
 
 " To be sure — whatever you please ! " said Joe, overjoyed 
 at the projected arrangement. 
 
 After some further discussion on the subject, I inquired 
 where their luggage was stored ; and learned that it lay at 
 the Montreal Steamer Wharf, where it had been deposited 
 the preceding day ; and by a bill of the packets, which Joe 
 produced, I saw that she was to sail that very morning, at 
 eight o'clock. There was then no time to lose ; so I advised 
 my companions to move silently and noiselessly from the 
 house, and to follow me. With an implicit reliance on every 
 direction I uttered, they stole carefully down the stairs, and 
 issued into the street, which was now perfectly deserted. 
 
 Although in total ignorance of the locality, I stepped out 
 confidently; and first making for the Harbour, as a "point 
 of departure," I at last reached the "New Wharf," as the 
 station of the river steamers was called. With an air of 
 the most consummate effrontery, I entered the office, to bargain 
 for our passage ; and although the clerks were not sparing of 
 their ridicule, both on my pretensions and my costume — as 
 the conversation was carried on in French, my companions
 
 stared in wonder at my fluency, and in silent ecstasy at the 
 good fortune that had thrown them into such guidance. 
 
 It was a busy morning for me ; since besides getting their 
 luggage on board, and procuring them a hearty breakfast, I 
 had also to arrange about my own costume, of which I now 
 felt really ashamed at every step. 
 
 At length we got under weigh, and steamed stoutly against 
 the fast flowing St. Lawrence ; our decks crowded with a 
 multifarious and motley crew of emigrants, all bound for 
 various places in the Upper Province, but with as pleasant 
 an ignorance of where they were going, what it was like, and 
 how far off, as the most devoted fatalist could have wished 
 for. A few, and they were the shrewd exceptions, remem- 
 bered the name of the city in whose neighbourhood they 
 were about to settle ; many more could only say negatively, 
 that it wasn't Lachine, nor it wasn't Trois Rivieres ; some 
 were only capable of affirming that it was " beyant Montreal," 
 or "higher up than Kingston;" and lastly, a " few bright 
 spirits" were going, " wid the help o' God, where Dan was," 
 or " Peter." They were not downhearted, nor anxious, nor 
 fretful for all this ; far from it. It seemed as if the world 
 before them, in all the attractions of its novelty, suggested 
 hope. They had left a land so full of wretchedness, that no 
 change could well be worse ; so they sat in pleasant little 
 knots and groups upon the deck " discoorsin'." Ay, just 
 so! — "discoorsin'." Sassenach that you are! I hear yon 
 muttering, What is that ? Well, I'll tell you. " Discoor- 
 sin' " is not talking, nor chaffing, nor mere conversing. It 
 is not the causerie of the French, nor the conversazione of 
 Italy, nor is it the Gesprach's Unterhaltung of plodding old 
 Germany, but it is an admirable melange of all together. It 
 is a grand olla podrida, where all things, political, religious, 
 agricultural, and educational, are discussed with such admir- 
 able keeping, such uniformity in the tone of sentiment and 
 expression, that it would be difficult to detect a change in the 
 subject-matter, from the quiet monotony of its handling. 
 The Pope — the praties — Molly Somebody's pig and the 
 Priest's pony — Dan O'Connell's last instalment of hope — the 
 price of oats — the late assizes — laments over the past, the 
 blessed days when there was little law and no police ; when 
 masses were cheap and mutton to be had for stealing it — 
 such were the themes in vogue. And though generally one 
 speaker "held the floor," there was a running chorus of 
 " Sure enough ! " " Devil fear yc ! " " An' why not ? " kept 
 up, that made every hearer a sleeping partner in the eloquence.
 
 190 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 Dissent or contradiction was a thing unheard of; they were 
 all subjects upon which each felt precisely alike. No man's 
 experience pointed to anything save rainy seasons and wet 
 potatoes, cheap bacon and high county cess. Life had its one 
 phase of monotonous want, only broken in upon by the mo- 
 mentary orgie of an election, or the excitement of a county 
 town on the Saturday of an execution. 
 
 And so it was. Like the nor'-easter that followed them 
 over the seas, came all the memories of what they had left 
 behind. They had little care for even a passing look at the 
 new and strange objects around them. The giant cedar 
 trees along the banks, — the immense rafts, like floating 
 islands, hurrying past on the foaming current, with myriads 
 of figures moving on them, — the endless forests of dark pines, 
 the quaint log-houses, unlike those farther north, and with 
 more pretension to architectural design, — and now and then 
 a Canadian "bateau," shooting past like a sword-fish; its 
 red-capped crew saluting the steamer with a wild cheer that 
 would wake the echoes many a mile away. If they looked at 
 these, it was easy to see that they noted them but indiffer- 
 ently ; their hearts were far away. Ay ! in spite of misery, 
 and hardship, and famine, and flood, they were away in the 
 wilds of Erris, in the bleak plains of Donegal, or the lonely 
 glens of Connemara. 
 
 It has often struck me that our rulers should have per- 
 petuated the names of Irish localities in the New World. 
 One must have experienced the feeling himself to know the 
 charm of this simple association. The hourly-recurring name 
 that speaks so familiarly of home, is a powerful antidote to 
 the sense of banishment. Well, here I am, prosing about 
 emigrants, and their regrets, and wants, and hopes, and 
 wishes, and forgetting the while the worthy little group who, 
 with a hot "net" of potatoes, (for in this fashion each mess 
 is allowed to boil its quota,) and a very savoury cut of ham, 
 awaited my presence in the steerage: they were good and 
 kindly souls every one of them. The old grandfather was a 
 fine prosy old grumbler about the year '98, and the terrible 
 doings of the " Orangemen." Joe was a stout-hearted, frank 
 fellow, that only wanted fair play in the world to make his 
 path steadily onward. The sons were, in Irish parlance, " good 
 boys," and the girls fine-tempered and good-natured, — as 
 ninety-nine out of the hundred are in the land they come from. 
 
 Now, shall I forfeit some of my kind reader's consideration 
 if I say that, with all these excellences, and many others 
 besides, they became soon inexpressibly tiresome to me.
 
 "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 191 
 
 There was not a theme they spoke on, that I had not already 
 by heart. Irish grievances, in all their moods and tenses, had 
 been always " stock pieces" in my father's cabin, and lam 
 bound to acknowledge that the elder Cregan had a sagacity of 
 perception, a shrewdness of discrimination, and an aptitude 
 of expression not to be found every day. Listening to the 
 Cullinanes after him was like hearing the butler commenting 
 in the servants' hall over the debate one had listened to in 
 "the House." It was a strange, queer sensation that I felt 
 coming over me as we travelled along day by day together, 
 and I can even now remember the shriek of ecstasy that 
 escaped me one morning, when I had hit upon the true 
 analysis of my feelings, and jumping up, I exclaimed, " Con ! 
 you are progressing, my boy ; you'll be a gentleman yet ; you 
 have learned to be ' bored ' already ! " From that hour I cul- 
 tivated " my Cullinanes " as people take a course of a Spa, 
 where, nauseous and distasteful at the time, one fancies he is 
 to store up Heaven knows how many years of future health 
 and vigour. 
 
 In a former chapter of these Confessions I have told the 
 reader the singular sensations I experienced when first under 
 the influence of port wine ; how a kind of transfusion, as it 
 were, of Conservative principles, a respect for order, a love of 
 decorum, a sleepy indisposition to see anything like confusion 
 going on about me ; all feelings which, I take it, are eminently 
 gentleman-like. Well, this fastidious weariness of the Cul- 
 linanes was evidently the " second round of the ladder." " It 
 is a grand thing to be able to look down upon any one ! " I 
 do not mean this in any invidious or unworthy sense ; not for 
 the sake of depreciating others, but purely for the sake of one's 
 own self-esteem. I would but convey that the secret con- 
 viction of superiority is amazingly exhilarating. To " hold 
 your stride " beside an intellect that you can pass when you 
 like, and yet merely accompany to what is called " make a 
 race," is rare fun; to see the other using every effort of whip 
 and spur, bustling, shaking, and lifting, while you, well down 
 in your saddle, never put the rowel to the flank of your fancy, 
 — this is indeed glorious sport ! In return for this, however, 
 there is an intolerable degree of lassitude in the daily asso- 
 ciation of people who are satisfied to talk for ever of the same 
 things in the same terms. 
 
 The incidents of our journey were few and uninteresting. 
 At I\Iontreal I received a very civil note from Mrs. Davis, 
 accompanying my trunk and my purse. In the few lines I 
 had written to her from the packet- office, I said that my per-
 
 192 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 formance of a servant's character in her establishment had 
 been undertaken for a wager, which I bad just won ; that I 
 begged of her, in consequence, to devote the wages owing to 
 me to any charitable office she should think fit, and kindly to 
 forward my effects to Montreal, together with a certificate 
 under her hand, that my real rank and station had never been 
 detected during my stay in her house ; this document being 
 necessary to convince my friend, Captain Pike, that I had 
 fulfilled the conditions of our bet. 
 
 Mrs. Davis's reply was a gem. " She had heard or read of 
 Conacre, but didn't suspect we were the Cregans of that 
 place. She did not know how she could ever forgive herself 
 for having subjected me to menial duties. She had indeed 
 been struck — as who had not ? — with certain traits of my 
 manner and address." In fact, poor Mrs. D., what with the 
 material for gossip suggested by the story, the surprise, and 
 the saving of the wages, — for I suspect that, like the Duke in 
 Junius, her charity ended where it is proverbially said to 
 begin, at home, — was in a perfect paroxysm of delight with 
 me, herself, and the whole human race. 
 
 To me this was a precious document ; it was a patent of 
 gentility at once. It was a passport which, if not issued by 
 authority, had at least the " visa " of one witness to my rank, 
 and I was not the stuff to require many credentials. 
 
 Before we had decided on what day we should leave Mon- 
 treal, a kind of small mutiny began to show itself among our 
 party. The old man, grown sick of travelling, and seeing 
 the America of his hopes as far off as ever, became restive, 
 and refused to move farther. The sons had made acquaint- 
 ances on board the steamer, who assured them that " about 
 the lakes " — a very vague geography — land was to be had 
 for asking. Peggy and Susan had picked up sweethearts, 
 and wanted to journey westward ; and poor Joe, pulled in 
 these various directions, gave himself up to a little interregnum, 
 of drink, hoping that rum might decide what reason failed in. 
 
 As for me, I saw that my own influence would depend 
 upon my making myself a partisan ; and, too proud for this, 
 I determined to leave them. I possessed some thirty dollars, 
 — a good kit, — but, better than either, the most unbounded 
 confidence in myself, and a firm conviction that the world 
 was an instrument I should learn to play upon one day or 
 other. There was no use in undeceiving them as to my real rank 
 and station. One of the pleasantest incidents of theirlives would 
 be, in all probability, their having travelled in companionship 
 with a gentleman ; and so, remembering the story of the poor
 
 "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 193 
 
 alderman who never got over having learned that " Robinson 
 Crusoe " was a fiction, I left them this solace unalloyed ; and 
 after a most cordial leave-taking, and having written down 
 my father's address at New Orleans, I shook hands with the 
 men twice over, kissed the girls ditto, and stepped on board 
 the Kingston steamer, for no other reason that I know, 
 except that she was the first to leave the wharf that 
 morning. 
 
 I have said that I possessed something like thirty dollars ; 
 an advantageous sale of a part of my wardrobe to a young 
 gentleman about to reside at Queenstown, as a waiter, 
 " realized " me as much more ; and with this sum I resolved 
 upon making a short tour of Canada and the States, in order 
 to pick up a few notions, and increase my store of expe- 
 riences, ere I adopted any fixed career. 
 
 We laugh at the old gentleman in the play, who on hearing 
 that his son has no want of money, immediately offers him 
 ten pistoles, but who obstinately leaves him to starve when 
 he discovers that he is without funds. We laugh at this, and 
 we deem it absurd and extravagant ; but it is precisely what 
 we see the world do in like circumstances. All its generosity 
 is reserved for all those who do not require assistance ; all its 
 denials for those in need. " My Lord " refuses half a dozen 
 dinners, while the poor devil author only knows the tune of 
 "Roast Beef!" These reflections forced themselves upon 
 me by observing that as I travelled along, apparently in no 
 want of means, a hundred offers were made me by my fellow- 
 travellers of situations and places : one would have enlisted 
 me as his partner in a very lucrative piece of peripateticism — 
 viz., knife-grinding ; a vocation for which, after a few efforts 
 on board the steamer, Nature would seem to have destined 
 me, for I was assured I even picked up the sharp-knowing 
 cock of the eye required to examine the edge, and the style 
 of my pedal-action drew down rounds of applause ; still I 
 did not like it. The endless tramp upon a step, which 
 slipped from beneath you, seemed to emblematize a career 
 that led to nothing ; while an unpleasant association with 
 what I had heard of a treadmill completed my distaste 
 for it. 
 
 Another opened to me the more ambitious prospect of 
 a shopman at his " store," near Rochester ; and even showed 
 me, by way of temptation, some of the brilliant wares over 
 whose fortunes I should preside. There were ginghams, and 
 taffetas, and cottons of every hue and pattern ; but no, I felt 
 this was not my walk either ; and so I muttered to myself, — 
 
 o
 
 194 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 "No, Con ! if you meddle with muslin, wait till it's fashioned 
 into a petticoat." 
 
 My next proposition came from a barber; and really if T 
 did not take to the pole and basin, I own I was llattered at 
 his praises of my skill. He pronounced my brush-hand as 
 something bold, and masterly as Rubens — while my steel 
 manipulation was more brilliant than bloodless. 
 
 Then there was a Jew spectacle-maker — a hawker of pam- 
 phlets — an Indian moccasin merchant — and twenty other of 
 various walks ; all of whom seemed to opine that their craft, 
 whatever it might be, was exactly the very line adapted to 
 my faculties. Once only was I really tempted : it was by 
 the editor of the Kingston newspaper, The Ontario Herald, 
 who offered to take me into his office, and in time induct me 
 into the gentle pastime of paragraph writing. I did, I own, 
 feel a strong inclination for that free and independent kind 
 of criticism, which, although issuing from a garret, and by 
 the light of a "dip," does not scruple to remind royalty how 
 to comport itself, and gives kings and kaisers smart lessons 
 in good breeding. For a time my mind dwelt on all these 
 delights with ardour ; but I soon felt that he who acts life 
 has an incomparable advantage over him who merely writes 
 it, and that even a poor performer is better, when the world 
 is his stage, than the best critic. 
 
 I'll wait, thought I, — nothing within, no suggestive push 
 from conscience urged me to follow any of these roads ; and 
 so I journeyed away from Kingston to Fort George, thence 
 to Niagara ; where I amused myself agreeably for a week, 
 sitting all day long upon the Table Rock, and watching the 
 Falls in a dreamy kind of self-consciousness, brought on by 
 the din, the crash, the spray, the floating surf, and that vibra- 
 tion of the air on every side, — which all conspire to make up 
 a sensation, that ever after associates with the memory of 
 that scene, and leaves any effort to desmbe it so difficult. 
 
 From this I wandered into the States by Schenactady, 
 Utica, and Albany, down the Hudson to New York, thence 
 — but why recite mere names? It was after about three 
 months' travelling, during which my wardrobe shared a fate 
 not dissimilar to ^Esop's bread-basket, that I found myself 
 at New Orleans. Coming even from the varied and strange 
 panorama that so many weeks of continual travelling present, 
 I was struck by the appearance of N^w Orleans. Do not be 
 afraid, worthy reader! you're not "in" for any description 
 of localities. I'll neither inflict jon with a land view nor a 
 sea view. In my company you'll never hear a word about
 
 "MY LUCUBRATIONS ON THE ST. LAWRENCE." 195 
 
 the measurement of a cathedral, or the number of feet in 
 height of a steeple. My care and my business are with men 
 and women. They are to me the real objects of travel. The 
 chequered board of human life is the map whose geography I 
 love to study; and my thoughts are far more with the stream 
 that flows from the heart, than with the grandest river that 
 ever sought the sea. When I said I was struck with New 
 Orleans, it was then with the air of its population. Never 
 did I behold such a mass of bold, daring, reckless fellows as 
 swaggered on every side. The fiery Frenchman, the deter- 
 mined-looking Yankee, the dark-browed Spaniard, the 
 Camanche and the half-caste, the Mulatto, the Texan, the 
 Negro, the Cuban, and the Creole, were all here, and all 
 seemed picked specimens of their race. 
 
 The least acute of observers could not fail to see that it 
 was a land where a quick eye, a steady foot, and a strong 
 hand were requisites of every-day life. The personal en- 
 counters, that in other cities are left altogether to the very 
 lowest class of inhabitants, were here in frequent use among 
 every grade and rank. Every one went armed ; the scenes 
 which so often occurred, showed the precaution a needful one. 
 
 The wide-awake look of the Yankee was sleepy indifference 
 when contrasted with the intense keenness of aspect that met 
 you here at every step, and you felt at once that you were in 
 company where all your faculties would be few enough for 
 self-protection. This, my first impression of the people, each 
 day's experience served to confirm. Whatever little veils of 
 shame and delicacy men throw over their sharp practices 
 elsewhere, here, I am free to confess, they despised such 
 hypocrisy. It was a free trade in wickedness. In their game 
 of life " cheating was fair." Now this in nowise suited me 
 nor my plans. I soon saw that all the finer traits of my own 
 astuteness would be submerged in the great ocean of coarse 
 roguery around me, and I soon resolved upon taking my 
 departure. 
 
 The how, and the where to ? — two very important items in 
 the resolve were yet to be solved, and I was trotting along 
 Cliff Street one day, when my eyes rested suddenly upon the 
 great board with large letters on it, " Office of the Picayune" 
 1 repeated the word over and over a couple of times, and 
 then remembered it was the journal in which the reward for 
 the Black Boatswain had been offered. 
 
 There was little enough, Heaven knows, in this to give me 
 any interest in the paper ; but the total isolation in which I 
 found myself, without one to speak, to or converse with, made 
 
 o 2
 
 196 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 me feel that even the Picayune was an acquaintance ; and so I 
 drew near the window, where a considerable number of per- 
 sons were reading the last number of the paper, which in a 
 laudable spirit of generosity was exposed within the glass to 
 public gaze. 
 
 Mingling with these, but not near enough to read for my- 
 self, I could hear the topics that were discussed ; among 
 which, a row at the Congress — a duel with revolvers — a steam 
 explosion on the Mississippi — and a few smart instances of 
 Lynch-law figured. 
 
 " What's that in the 'Yune print ? " said a great raw-boned 
 fellow, with a cigar like a small walking-cane in the corner of 
 his mouth. 
 
 " It's a Texan go," said another ; " sha'n't catch me at that 
 trick." 
 
 " Well, I don't know," drawled out a sleek-haired man, 
 with a very Yankee drawl ; "I see Roarin' Peter, our judge 
 up at New Small-pox, take a tarnation deal of booty out of 
 that location." 
 
 " Where had he been ? " asked the tall fellow. 
 
 "At Guayugualla — over the frontier." 
 
 " There is a bit to be done about there/' said the other ; 
 and wrapping his mantle about him, lounged off. 
 
 " Guayugualla ! " repeated I ; and, retiring a little from 
 the crowd, I took from my pocket the little newspaper para- 
 graph of the negro, and read the name which had sounded so 
 familiarly to my ears. 
 
 I endeavoured once more to approach the window, but the 
 crowd had already increased considerably ; and I had nothing 
 for it but to go in and buy the paper, which now had taken a 
 strong hold upon me. 
 
 Cheap as was the paper, it cost me that day's dinner ; and 
 it was with a very great anxiety to test the value of my 
 sacrifice, that I hastened to the little miserable den which I 
 had hired as my sleeping-place. 
 
 Once within, I fastened the door, and spreading out the 
 journal on my bed, proceeded to search for the Texan para- 
 graph. It was headed in capitals, and easily found. It ran 
 thus : — " Wanted, a few downright, go-ahead ones, to join an 
 excursion into the One-Star Republic, — the object being to 
 push a way down south, and open a new trade-line for home 
 doings. Applicants to address the office of the paper, and 
 rally at Galveston, with rifle, pistols, ammunition, horse, 
 pack, and a bowie, on Tuesday, the 8th instant." 
 
 I'm sure I knew that paragraph off by heart before bed-
 
 197 
 
 time ; but just as I have seen a stupid, man commit a proposi- 
 tion in Euclid to memory — without ever being able to work 
 it. I was totally at a loss what to make of the meaning of 
 the expedition. It was, to say the least, somewhat mysterious; 
 and the whole being addressed to " go-ahead ones," who were 
 to come with rifles and bowie-knives, showed that they were 
 not likely to be missionaries. There was one wonderful clause 
 about it ; it smacked of adventure. There was a roving wild- 
 ness in the very thought which pleased me, and I straightway 
 opened a consultation with myself how I could compass the 
 object. My stock of money had dwindled down to four 
 dollars ; and although I still possessed some of the best articles 
 of my wardrobe, the greater portion had been long since 
 disposed of. 
 
 Alas ! the more I thought over it, the more hopeless did 
 my hope of journey appear, — I made every imaginable good 
 bargain in my fancy ; I disposed of old waistcoats and gaiters, 
 as if they had been the honoured vestments of heroes and 
 sages ; I knocked down my shoes at prices that old Frederick's 
 boots wouldn't have fetched ; and yet, with all this, I fell far 
 short of a sum sufficient to purchase my equipment, — in fact, 
 I saw that if I compassed " the bowie-knife," it would be the 
 full extent of my powers. I dwelt upon this theme so long, 
 that I grew fevered and excited : I got to believe that here 
 was a great career opening before me, to which one petty, 
 miserable obstacle opposed itself. I was like a man deterred 
 from undertaking an immense journey, by the trouble of 
 crossing a rivulet. 
 
 In this frame of mind I went to bed, but only to rove over 
 my rude fancies, and, in a state between sleep and waking, to 
 imagine that some tiny hand held me back, and prevented me 
 ascending a path, on which Fortune kept waving her hand 
 for me to follow. When day broke, I found myself sitting at 
 my window, with the newspaper in my hands, — though how 
 I came there, or how long I had spent in that attitude, I 
 cannot say, — I only know that my limbs were excessively 
 cold, and my temples hot, and that while my hands were 
 benumbed and swollen, my heart beat faster and fuller than I 
 had ever felt it before. 
 
 "Now for the Picayune" said I, starting from my chair; 
 " though I never may make the journey, at least I'll ask the 
 road."
 
 198 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE ORDINARY OF ALL NATIONS. 
 
 Making my way with difficulty through the crowd which filled 
 the hall of the house, and which consisted of purchasers, news- 
 venders, reporters, printers' devils, and others interested in 
 the Picayune, all eagerly discussing the news of the day, I 
 reached a small back office, where, having knocked timidly 
 twice, I was desired to enter. 
 
 A man seated at a coarse deal table was cutting out para- 
 graphs from various newspapers, which, as he threw them at 
 either side of him, were eagerly caught up by two or three 
 ragged urchins who were in waiting behind him. He looked 
 up at me as I entered, and roughly asked what I wanted. 
 
 " I have seen an advertisement in your paper, headed, 
 'Expedition to Texas' -" 
 
 " Upstairs — No. 3 — two-pair back," said he, and went on 
 with his labour. 
 
 I hesitated, hoping he might add something ; but seeing 
 that he had said all he intended or was likely to say, I slowly 
 withdrew. 
 
 " Upstairs, then — No. 3 — two-pair back," said I to myself, 
 and mounted, with the very vaguest notions of what business 
 I had when I got there. There was no difficulty in finding 
 the place — many others were hastening towards it at the same 
 time ; and in company with some halt-dozen very ill-favoured 
 and meanly-clad fellows, I entered a large room, where about 
 forty men were assembled, who stood in knots or groups, 
 talking in low and confidential tones together. 
 
 " Is there a committee to-day ? " asked one of those who 
 came in with me. 
 
 " Business is over," said another. 
 
 " And is the lottery drawn ?" 
 
 " Ay, every ticket, except one or two." 
 
 <l Who's won Butcher's mare ? " 
 
 " Tell us that, if you can," said a huge fellow, with a red 
 worsted comforter round his throat ; " that's exactly what we 
 want to know." 
 
 " Well, I'm whipped if it ain't among those numbers," said
 
 199 
 
 a pale man with one eye, " and I'll give fifty dollars for one 
 of em." 
 
 " You. would, would you ? " said another, jeering. " Lord, 
 how soft you've grown ! Why, she's worth five hundred 
 dollars, that 'ere beast! " 
 
 44 Butcher gave a mustang and two hundred and seventy 
 for her," cried another. 
 
 " Well, she broke his neck, for all that," growled out he 
 of the red neckcloth ; " you'll see that some chap will win 
 her that don't want a beast, and she'll be sold for a trifle." 
 
 " And there's a free passage to Galveston, grub and liquor, 
 in the same ticket," said another ; " an almighty sight of 
 luck for one man ! " 
 
 " It ain't me, anyhow," said red cravat, and then with a 
 tremendous oath added, " I've been a putter in at these 
 Texas lotteries for four years, and never won anything but a 
 blessed rosary." 
 
 " What became of it, Dick ? " said another, laughing. 
 
 41 The beads fitted my rifle-bore, and I fired 'em away when 
 lead was scarce." 
 
 Various discussions followed about luck and lotteries, with 
 anecdotes of all kinds respecting fortunate winners ; then 
 came stories of Texan expeditions in former times, which I 
 began to perceive were little else than speculations of a gam- 
 bling kind, rarely intended to go farther than the quay of 
 New Orleans. 
 
 On the present occasion, however, it would seem a real 
 expedition had been planned. Some had already sailed, 
 others were to follow the very day after the lottery, and only 
 waited to learn who was the fortunate winner of Butcher's 
 mare, at that time waiting at Galveston for an owner. 
 
 I waited a long time, in hope of acquiring something like 
 an insight into the scope of the enterprise, but in vain ; 
 indeed, it was easy to see, that, of the company, not a single 
 one, in all likelihood, intended to join the expedition. When 
 I left the Picayune, therefore, I was but little wiser than when 
 I entered it ; and yet somehow the whole scheme had taken 
 a fast hold on my imagination, which readily filled in the 
 details of what I was ignorant. The course of reading in 
 which I had indulged on board Sir Dudley's yacht was 
 doubtless the reason of this. My mind had laid up so many 
 texts for adventurous fancies, that on the slightest pretext 
 I could call up any quantity of enterprise and vicissitude. 
 
 A hundred times I asked myself if it were likely that any 
 -of these Texan adventurers would accept of my services to
 
 200 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 wait upon them. I was not ignorant of horses, — a tolerably 
 fair groom, — could cook a little, that mucli I had learned on 
 board the yacht ; besides, wherever my qualifications failed, 
 I had a ready-witted ingenuity that supplied the place almost 
 as well as the " real article." 
 
 " Ah! " thought I, " who knows how many are passing at 
 this moment, whose very hearts would leap with joy to find 
 such a fellow as 1 am, ' accustomed to in-door and out, wages 
 no object, and no objection to travel ! ' " Possessed with this 
 notion, I could not help fancying that in every look that met 
 mine as I went, I could read something like an inquiry — a 
 searching glance that seemed to say, " Bless me ! ain't that 
 Con ? as I live, there's Con Cregan ! What a rare piece of 
 fortune to chance upon him at this juncture! " 
 
 I own it did require a vivid and warm imagination so to 
 interpret the expressions which met my eyes at every moment, 
 seeing that the part of the town into which I had wandered 
 was that adjoining to the docks, — a filthy, gloomy quarter, 
 chiefly resorted to by Jew slop-sellers, ship-chandlers, and 
 such like, with here and there a sailors' ordinary, usually 
 kept by a negro or half-breed. 
 
 I had eaten nothing that day, and it was now late in the 
 afternoon, so that it was with a very strong interest I peeped 
 occasionally into the little dens, where, under a paper lantern 
 with the inscription, " All for Twelve Cents," sat a company 
 usually of sailors and watermen, whose fare harmonized most 
 unpleasantly with their features. 
 
 The combat between a man's taste and his exchequer is 
 never less agreeable than when it concerns a dinner. To feel 
 that you have a soul for turtle and truffles, and yet must 
 descend to mashed potatoes and herrings, — to know that a 
 palate capable of appreciating a salmi des perdreaux must be 
 condemned to the indignity of stock fish, — what an indignity 
 is that! The whole man revolts at it! You feel, besides, 
 that such a meal is unrelieved by those suggestive excursions 
 of fancy which a well-served table abounds in. In the one 
 case you eat like the beast of the field, — it is a question of 
 supporting nature, and no more : in the other, there is a 
 poetry interwoven that elevates and exalts. With what dis- 
 cursive freedom does the imagination range from the little 
 plate of oysters that preludes your soup, to pearl fishery and 
 the coral reefs, " with moonlight sleeping on the breaking 
 surf!" And then your soup, be it turtle or mulligatawny, 
 how associated is it with the West Indies or the East, bearing 
 on its aromatic vapour thousands of speculative reflections
 
 "the ordinary of all nations." 202 
 
 about sugar and slavery, pepper-pots, straw hats, piccaninnies, 
 and the Bishop of Barbadoes ; or the still grander themes 
 of elephants, emeralds, and the Indus, with rajahs, tigers, 
 punkahs, and the Punjaub! 
 
 And so you proceed, dreamily following out in fancy the 
 hints each course supplies, and roving with your cutlets to 
 the " cattle upon a thousand hills," or dallying with the 
 dessert to the orange-groves of Zante or Sicily. 
 
 I do love all this. The bouquet of my Bordeaux brings- 
 back the Rhone, as the dry muscat of my Johannisberg pic- 
 tures the vine-clad cliffs of the Vaterland, — with a long* 
 diminuendo train of thought about Metternich and the 
 Holy Alliance — the unlucky treaty of '15 — Vienna — Madame 
 Schrader — and Castelli. 
 
 And how pleasantly and nationally does one come back 
 with the Port to our " ancient ally Portugal," with a mind- 
 painted panorama of Torres- Vedras and the Douro — with 
 Black Horse Square and the Tagus — " the Duke" ever and 
 anon flitting across the scene, and making each glass you 
 carry to your lips a heartfelt " long life to him ! " 
 
 Alas ! and alas ! such prandial delights were not for me ; I 
 must dine for twelve cents, or, by accepting the brilliant 
 entertainment announced yonder, price half-a-dollar, keep 
 Lent the rest of the week. 
 
 The temptation to which I allude ran thus : 
 
 " Ladies and Gentlemen's Grand Ordinary of all Nations 
 At 5 o'clock precisely. 
 
 Thumbo-rig — Mint julep — and a Ball. 
 
 The ' Half-dollar/ 
 
 Monsieur Palamede de Rosanne directs the Ceremonies."' 
 
 If there was a small phrase in the aforesaid not perfectly- 
 intelligible, it seemed upon the principle of the well-known 
 adage, only to heighten the inducement. The " Thumbo- 
 rig" above might mean either a new potation or a new 
 dance. Still, conceding this unknown territory, there was 
 quite sufficient in the remainder of the advertisement to 
 prove a strong temptation. The house, too, had a pre- 
 tentious air about it that promised well. There was a large 
 bow-window, displaying a perfect landscape of rounds and 
 sirloins, with a tasteful drapery of sausages overhead ; while
 
 202 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 a fragrant odour of rum, onions, fresh crabs, cheese, salt cod, 
 and preserved ginger, made the very air ambrosial. 
 
 As I stood and sniffed, my resolution staggered under the 
 assaults made on eye, nose, and palate, a very smartly-dressed 
 female figure crossed the way, holding up her dress full an 
 inch or so higher than even the mud required, and with a 
 jaunty air displayed a pair of very pink stockings on very 
 well-turned legs. I believe — I'm not sure, but I fear — the 
 pink stockings completed what the pickled beef began. I 
 entered. Having paid my money at the bar, and given up 
 my hat and greatcoat, I was ushered by a black waiter, 
 ■dressed in a striped jacket and trousers, as if he had been 
 ruled with red ink, into a large room, where a very numerous 
 company of both sexes were assembled ; some seated, some 
 standing, but all talking away with buzz and confusion, that 
 showed perfect intimacy to be the order of the day. The men 
 it was easy to see were chiefly in the " shipping interest." 
 There was a strong majority of mates and small skippers, 
 whose varied tongues ranged from Spanish and Portuguese 
 to Dutch and Danish ; French, English, and Russian, were 
 also heard in the melee, showing that the Grand Ordinary had 
 a world-made repute. The ladies were mostly young, very 
 condescending in their manners, somewhat overdressed, and 
 for the most part French. 
 
 As I knew no one, I waited patiently to be directed where 
 I should sit, and was at last shown to a place between a very 
 fat lady of Creole tint — another dip would have made her 
 black — and a little brisk man, whom I soon heard was 
 Monsieur Palamede himself. 
 
 The dinner was good; the conversation easiest of the easy; 
 taking in all, from matters commercial to social ; the whole 
 seasoned with the greatest good humour, and no small share 
 of smartness. Personal adventures by land and sea — many 
 of the latter recounted by men who made no scruple of con- 
 fessing that they " dealt in ebony " — the slave trade. Little 
 incidents of life, that told much for the candour of the 
 recounter, were heard on all sides, until at length I really felt 
 ashamed of my own deficiency in not having even contributed 
 tin anecdote for the benefit of the company. This preyed 
 upon me the more, as I saw myself surrounded by persons 
 who really, if their own unimpeachable evidence was to be 
 credited, began the world in ways and shapes the most 
 singular and uncommon. Not a man or woman of the party 
 that had not slipped into existence in some droll quaint 
 fashion of their own, so that positively, and for the first
 
 " THE ORDINARY OF ALL NATIONS." 203 
 
 time, I really grew ashamed to think that I belonged to 
 " decent people," who had not compromised me in the 
 slightest degree. " Voila ! un jeune homme qui ne dit pas nn 
 mot!" said a pretty-looking woman with fair brown hair, 
 and a very liquid pair of blue eyes. The speech was addressed 
 to me, and the whole table at once turned their glances 
 towards me. 
 
 " Ay, very true," said a short, stout little skipper, with an 
 unmistakable slash from a cutlass across his nose. "A sharp- 
 looking fellow like that has a story if he will only tell it." 
 
 " And you may see," cried another, "that we are above 
 petty prejudices here ; roguery only lies heavy on the con- 
 science that conceals it." The speaker was a tall sallow 
 man, with singularly intelligent features : he had been a 
 Jesuit tutor in the family of an Italian noble, and after con- 
 signing his patron to the Inquisition, had been himself 
 banished from Rome. 
 
 Pressing entreaties and rough commands, half imperious 
 instances and very seductive glances, all were directed 
 towards me, with the object of extorting some traits of my 
 life, and more particularly of that part of it which concerned 
 my birth and parentage. If the example of the company 
 invited the most unqualified candour, I cannot say that it 
 overcame certain scruples I felt about revealing my humble 
 origin. I was precisely in that anomalous position in life 
 when such avowals are most painful. Without ambition, 
 the confession had not cost me any sacrifice ; while, on the 
 other hand, I had not attained that eminence which has a 
 proud boastfulness in saying, " Yes, I, such as you see me 
 now — great, titled, wealthy, and powerful — I was the son 
 of a newsvender or a lamplighter." Such avowals, highly 
 lauded as they are by the world, especially when made by 
 archbishops or chancellors, or other great folk, at public 
 dinners, are, to my thinking, about as vainglorious bits of 
 poor human nature as the most cynical could wish to witness. 
 They are the mere victories of vanity over self-esteem. Now, 
 I had no objection that the world should think me a young- 
 gentleman of the very easiest notions of right and wrong, 
 with a conscience as elastic as gutta percha, picking my 
 way across life's stream on the stepping-stones made by 
 other men's skulls — being, as the phrase has it, a very loose 
 fish indeed ; but I insisted on their believing that I was well- 
 born. Every one has his weakness — this was Con Cregan's ; 
 and as these isolated fissures in strong character are nearly 
 allied with strength, so was it with me ; had I not had this
 
 204 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 frailty I had never cherished so intensely the passion 
 to become a gentleman. This is all cligressionary ; but 
 I'll not ask pardon of my dear reader for all that. If 
 he be reading in his snug well-cushioned chair, with every 
 appliance of ease about him, he'll not throw down these 
 " Confessions " for a bit of prosing that invites the sleep 
 that is already hovering round him. If he has taken me up 
 in the few minutes before dinner, he'll not regret the bit of 
 meditation which does not involve him in a story. If he be 
 spelling me out in a mail-train, he'll be grateful for the 
 " skipping " place, which leaves him time to look out and 
 see the ingenious preparations that are making by the 
 " down " or the " up " train, to run into and smash the 
 unhappy convoy of which he forms a part. 
 
 " Come, my young lad, out with it. Let us hear a bit 
 about the worthy people who took the sin of launching you 
 into the wide ocean. You must have had owners one time 
 or other." This was said by a hearty-looking old man, with 
 hair white as snow, and an enormous pair of eyebrows to 
 match. 
 
 "Willingly, sir," said I, with an air of the easiest con- 
 fidence ; " I should be but too proud if anything in a history 
 humble as mine is, could amuse this honourable company. 
 But the truth is, a life so devoid of interest would be only a 
 tax upon its patience to listen to ; and, as to my birth, I can 
 give little — indeed no information. The earliest record of 
 my existence that I possess is from the age of two days and 
 three hours." 
 
 " That will do — do admirably ! " chorused the party, who 
 laughed heartily at the gravity with which I spoke, and 
 which to them seemed an earnest of my extreme simplicity. 
 " We shall be quite satisfied with that," cried they again. 
 
 " Well, then, gentlemen, thanking you for the indulgence 
 with which you consent to overlook my want of accuracy, I 
 proceed. At the tender age I have mentioned, I was won in 
 a raffle ! " 
 
 " Won in a raffle ! won in a raffle ! " screamed one after 
 the other, and amid shouts of laughter the phrase continued 
 to be echoed from end to end of the table. " That beats 
 you hollo\/, Giles ! " " By Jove, how scarce babies must be 
 in the part you come from, if people take tickets for 'em! " 
 Sach were some of the commentaries that broke out amidst 
 the mirth. 
 
 " I move," said a dapper little Frenchman, who had been 
 a barber and a National Guard once, " I move that the
 
 "the ordinary of all nations." 205 
 
 honourable deputy make a statement to the Chamber, re- 
 specting the interesting' fact to which he has alluded." 
 
 The motion was carried by acclamation, and I was accord- 
 ingly induced to ascend the tribune, a kind of rude pulpifc 
 that was brought specially into the room, and stationed at 
 the side of the President's chair ; the comments on my 
 personal appearance, age, air, and probable rank, which were 
 made all the while, evidencing the most candid spirit one can 
 well imagine. 
 
 "A right down slick and shrewd 'un, darn me if he 
 ain't ! " 
 
 " A very wide awake young gemman," quoth number 
 two. 
 
 " II a de ' beaux yeux,' celui-la," — this was a lady's remark. 
 
 11 Set that young 'un among the girls ' down east,' and he'll 
 mow 'em down like grass." 
 
 " A Londoner — swell-mobbish a bit, I take it." 
 
 "Not at all, he a'nt; he's a bank clerk or a post-office 
 fellow, bolted with a lot of tin." 
 
 " Der ist ein echter schelm,' growled out an old Dantzic 
 skipper, " I kenn him vehr wohl ; steal your wash wid a 
 leetle scheer — scissars you call him, ha ! ha ! " 
 
 li Ladies and gentlemen," said I, assuming a pose of the 
 most dignified importance, " before entering upon the cir- 
 cumstance to which you have so graciously attached a little 
 interest, let me assure you — not that the fact can or ought to 
 have any weight with this distinguished company — that I 
 have no claim upon your sympathy with regard to any of the 
 pleas whispered around me. I am neither thief, pickpocket, 
 runaway postman, burglar, nor highwayman. If I be, as 
 you are pleased to say, ' wide awake,' I believe it is only a 
 common precaution, considering the company I find myself 
 in ; and if I really could lay claim to the flattering praise of 
 a fair lady on the left, it would be merely from accidentally 
 reflecting her own bright glances. I present myself, then, 
 with much diffidence before you, for the simple reason that I 
 come in a character somewhat strange in these parts — I am 
 a gentleman! " 
 
 The ineffable impertinence of this address succeeded to a 
 miracle. Some laughed — some applauded — a few muttered 
 an unintelligible discontent ; but the majority of the men 
 and all the women were with me, and I saw that audacity had 
 gained the day. Ay, and so will it ninety-nine times out of 
 the hundred in everything through life ! The strategic axiom, 
 that no fortress is impregnable, is a valuable worldly lesson,
 
 206 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 and one ought never to forget, that a storming party rarely 
 fails. 
 
 " The circumstance to which I alluded a few minutes back 
 — I dare not presume to call it a story — occurred thus : 
 
 " There was a large and brilliant party assembled to pass 
 
 the Christmas at the Duke of Y 's ; you will understand 
 
 my reserve. The company included many of the first persons 
 in fashionable life, and a Royal Duke to boot, a great friend 
 of her grace, and some said an old admirer of one of her 
 sisters, who — so went the rumour — showed the strength of 
 her attachment to his Royal Highness by never having ac- 
 cepted any of the brilliant offers of marriage made her. She 
 was remarkably beautiful, and although a little past the first 
 bloom of youth, in full possession of her charms at the time 
 
 I speak of. Old Lord E was one of the guests ; and I 
 
 am sure many of the distinguished company to whom I now 
 address myself will not need any more particular description 
 of the man they must have met a hundred times every 
 London season, well known, indeed, as he is, with his light 
 blue coat and his buckskin tights, his wide beaver hat, and 
 his queue ; his eccentricities, his wealth, and his great avarice 
 are themes all London is acquainted with." — I paused. 
 
 A buzz of acknowledgment and recognition followed, and I 
 resumed: 
 
 " Lord E , you are aware, was a great musical amateur ; 
 
 he was the leader of everything of that kind about town, and 
 whenever he could prevail upon himself to open his house in 
 Carlton Terrace, it was always to Lablache, and Rubini, and 
 Marini, and the rest of them. Well, it was just at the period 
 of this Christinas visit — over which I may remark, en passant , 
 Lady Blanche's indisposition cast a shade of gloom — that in 
 making some alteration in the mansion, they discovered in a 
 concealed press in the wall a mahogany case, on opening 1 
 which were found the moth-and-worm-eaten remains of a 
 violin. A parchment document, enclosed in a little scroll of 
 brass, and which had escaped the ravages of time, explained 
 that this was the instrument of the celebrated Giacomo Bat- 
 testa Pizzichetoni, the greatest violinist that ever lived — the 
 composer of ' II Diavolo e la sua Moglia,' and the ' Balla di 
 Paracliso,' and many other great works, with which you are 
 all familiar." 
 
 The company chorused assent, and I continued : — " The 
 party had somehow not gone off well — the accustomed spirit 
 and animation of the scene were wanting. Perhaps Lady 
 Blanche's illness had some share in this ; in any case, every
 
 " THE ORDINARY OF ALL NATIONS." 207 
 
 one seemed low and out of sorts, and the pleasant people 
 talked of taking leave, when his Royal Highness proposed, by 
 way of doing something, that they should have a raffle for 
 this wonderful fiddle, of which, though only seen by the host 
 and another, every one was talking. 
 
 " Even this much of stir was hailed with enthusiasm, the 
 secrecy and mystery increasing the interest to a high degree. 
 
 The tickets were two guineas each ; and Lord E , dying 
 
 to possess ' a real Pizzichetoni,' took twenty of them. The 
 number was limited to a hundred, but such was the judicious 
 management of those who directed the proceedings, that the 
 shares were at a ' high premium,' on the day of drawing, his 
 Royal Highness actually buying up several at five guineas 
 apiece. The excitement, too, was immense ; encyclopaedias 
 were ransacked for histories of the violin, and its great pro- 
 fessors and proficients. The ' Conversations Lexicon' opened 
 of itself at the letter P., and Pizzichetoni's name turned up in 
 every corner and on every theme, fifty times a day. What a 
 time I have heard that was ! nothing talked of but bow-action, 
 shifting, bridging, double fingering, and the like, from morn- 
 ing to night. Lord E became, in consequence of this 
 
 run about a favourite subject, a personage of more than 
 ordinary importance ; instead of being deemed, what he was 
 commonly called at the clubs, the Great ' Borassus,' he was 
 listened to with interest and attention ; and, in fact, from the 
 extent of his knowledge of the subject, and his acquaintance 
 with every detail of its history, each felt that to his Lordship 
 ought by right to fall the fortunate ticket. 
 
 " So did it, in fact, turn out. After much vacillation, with 
 the last two numbers remained the final decision. One be- 
 longed to the Royal Duke, the other to Lord E . 'You 
 
 shall have a hundred guineas for your chance, E ,' said 
 
 the Duke, ' what say you ? ' 
 
 " ' Your Royal Highness's wish is a command,' said he ? 
 bowing and blushing : ' but were it otherwise, and to any 
 other than your Royal Highness, I should as certainly say 
 nay/ 
 
 " ' Then '• nay " must be the answer to me also ; I cannot 
 accept of such a sacrifice : and, after all, you are much more 
 worthy of such a treasure than I am — I really only meant it 
 for a present to Mori.' 
 
 " 'A present, your Royal Highness ! ' cried he, horrified ; 
 * I wouldn't give such a jewel to anything short of St. Cecilia, 
 — the violin, you are aware, was her instrument.' 
 
 " 'Now, then, for our fortunes ! ' cried tho Duke, as he drew
 
 203 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 forth his ticket ; ' I believe I'm the lucky one — this is num- 
 ber 2000.' 
 
 " ' Two thousand and one ! ' exclaimed Lord E , hold- 
 ing up his, and in an ecstasy of triumph sat down to recover 
 himself. 
 
 " 'Here is the key, my Lord,' said one of the party, ad- 
 vancing towards him. 
 
 " He sprang up, and thrust it into the lock; in his agitation 
 he shook the box, and a slight, soft cadence, like a faint cry, 
 was heard. 
 
 "'The soul of music hovers o'er it still,' he exclaimed 
 theatrically, and flinging back the lid discovered — Me ! Yes, 
 ladies and gentlemen, in a very smart white robe, with very 
 tasty embroidery, and a lace cap, which I am assured was 
 pure Valenciennes, there I lay ! I am not aware whether my 
 infantine movements were peculiarly seductive or not ; but I 
 have been told that I went through my gamut at a key that 
 even overtopped the laughter around me. 
 
 " ' A very bad jest — a mauvaise plaisanterie of the worst 
 taste, I must say,' said Lord E , turning away, and leav- 
 ing the room. 
 
 " I never rightly knew how the matter was afterwards 
 made up, but certainly it was by his Lordship's directions, 
 and at his charge, that I was nursed, reared, and educated. 
 My expenses at Eton and Oxford, as well as the cost of my 
 commission, came from him; and it was only a few days ago, 
 on learning his death, that I also learned the termination of 
 my good fortune in life. He bequeathed me what he 
 styled my ' family mansion ' — the fiddle-case ; thus repaying 
 by this cruel jest the practical joke passed upon himself so 
 many years before." 
 
 " What name did they give you, sir ? " 
 
 " I was called after the celebrated violinist of Cremona, 
 who lived in the seventh century, who was named Cornelius 
 Crejanus, or, as some spell, Creganus ; and, in compliance 
 with modern usages, they anglicized me into Con Cregan." 
 
 " I have the honour to propose Con Cregan's health," said 
 the president; "and may he see many happy years ere he 
 next goes to sleep in a wooden box ! " 
 
 This very gratifying toast was drunk with the most flatter- 
 ing acclamations, and I descended from the tribune the "man 
 of the evening." 
 
 If some of the company who put credence in my story did 
 not hesitate to ascribe a strong interest in me to the Royal 
 Duke himself, others, who put less faith in my narrative,
 
 
 
 Piz zidietoms ^aiidertul fnldl<
 
 209 
 
 thought less of my parentage and more of myself; so that 
 what I lost on one hand, I gained on the other. 
 
 There was a discretion, a certain shadowy prudery about 
 certain portions of my story, of which I have not attempted 
 to convey any notion here, but which I saw had " told " with 
 the fair part of my audience, who, possibly not over rigid in 
 many of their opinions, were well pleased with the delicate 
 reserve in which I shrouded my direct allusion to my parent- 
 age. A rough, red-whiskered skipper, indeed, seemed disposed 
 to pour a broadside into this mystery, by asking, "If his 
 royal highness never took any notice of me ? " but the refined 
 taste of the company concurred in the diplomatic refusal to 
 answer a question of which the "hon. gentleman on the straw 
 chair " had given "no notice." 
 
 The pleasures of the table — a very luscious bowl of the 
 liquid which bore the mysterious epithet of " Thumbo-rig," 
 and which was a concoction of the genus punch, spiced, 
 sugared, and iced to a degree that concealed its awful 
 tendency to anti-Mathewism — bright eyes that were no 
 churls of their glances— merry converse, and that wondrous 
 " magnetism of the board," which we call good fellowship — 
 made the time pass rapidly. Toasts and sentiments of every 
 fashion went round, and we were political, literary, arbitrary, 
 amatory, sentimental, and satiric by turns. They were 
 pleasant varlets ! and in their very diversity of humours there 
 was that clash and collision of mind and metal that tell more 
 effectively than the best packed party of choice wits who ever 
 sat and watched each other. 
 
 Then, there was a jolly jumbling up of bad English, bad 
 Dutch, bad French, Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese, that 
 would drive a sober listener clean mad. Stories began in one 
 tongue merged into another ; and so into a third ; while ex- 
 planations, mistakes, and corrections ran along side of the 
 narrative, often far more amusing than the story to which 
 they were attached. Personalities, too, abounded, but with a 
 most unqualified good temper ; and on the whole I never 
 beheld a merrier set. 
 
 M. Palamede alone did not relish the scene. He himself 
 was nobody at such a moment, and he longed for the ball-room 
 and the dance ; and it was only after repeated summonses of 
 his bell that we at last arose and entered the saloon, 
 where we found him standing, fiddle in hand, while rap- 
 ping smartly a couple of times with his bow, he called 
 out — 
 
 "Places! places! Monsieur le Dae de Gubbins, to your
 
 210 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 place. Ladies, I beg attention. Madame la Marquise, dans 
 la bonne societe on ne donne jamais un soufflet." 
 
 " Ah, here's old Rosin again ! " cried several of the party, 
 who, with all this familiarity, appeared to view him with no 
 small respect. 
 
 " Shall I find you. a partner, Monsieur de Congreganne ? " 
 said he to me. 
 
 " Thanks," said I; "but, with your permission, I'll not 
 dance just yet." 
 
 "As you please, it is but a contre danse," said he 
 shrugging his shoulders, while he moved away to arrange 
 the figures. 
 
 I had not perceived before that a kind of orchestra, con- 
 sisting of two fiddles, a flute, and a tambourine, was 
 stationed in a long gallery over the door by which we 
 entered ; Monsieur Palamede being, however, director, not 
 alone of the music, but of the entire entertainment. The 
 band now struck up a well-known English country-dance, 
 and away went the couples, flying down the room to the 
 merry measure ; Monsieur de Rosanne arranging the figures, 
 beating the time, preserving order, and restraining irregu- 
 larities, with the energy of one possessed. 
 
 " Ah, Monsieur le Captaine de Cocks, e'en est trop. Made- 
 moiselle de Spicer, pas se haut ! de arms graceful ! Ladies, 
 no keep your hands under your — what ye call him — jupe — 
 apron — ha ! ha ! Black man — negro — no talk so loud when 
 you make punch ! " 
 
 " Chassez — balancez ! La grace ! Madame la Marquise, 
 la grace ! " Then, as he passed me, he muttered with a voice 
 guttural from anger, " Quel supplice ! " 
 
 As I continued to gaze on the scene, I could not help 
 being struck with the extreme diversity of look and expres- 
 sion ; for while there were some faces on which iniquity had 
 laid its indelible stamp, there were others singularly pleasing, 
 and some actually beautiful. Among the men, the same 
 character prevailed throughout— a rude, coarse good-humour 
 — the sailor-type everywhere ; but a few seemed persons of 
 a higher class, and on these a life of vice and debauchery had 
 produced the most marked change, and you could still see, 
 amid the traces of nights of riot and abandonment, the rem- 
 nant of finer features, the expression they had worn before 
 their " fall." If I was surprised at the good looks of many 
 of the women, still more was I by a gracefulness of carriage 
 and an air of deportment that seemed as much out of place 
 as they were unsuited to such companionship. One young
 
 "THE ordinary of all nations." 211 
 
 fellow appeared to be a general favourite with the company. 
 He was tall, well-made, and had that indescribably rakish 
 character about his very gesture that is rarely a bad indica- 
 tion of the possessor's mode of life. I had no difficulty in 
 learning his name, for every one called him by it at each 
 instant, and "Fred Falkoner " was heard on all sides. It 
 was he who selected the music for the dance ; his partner, for 
 the time being, was the belle of the room, and he lounged 
 about supreme. Nor was his title a bad one — he was the 
 great entertainer of the whole assembly. The refreshments 
 were almost entirely of his ordering, and the clink of his 
 dollars might be heard keeping merry time with the strains 
 of the violins. I watched him with some interest — 1 
 thought I could see that, in descending to such companion- 
 ship, there was a secret combat between his self-respect and 
 a strange passion for seeing life in low places, which, when 
 added to the flattery such a man invariably obtains from his 
 inferiors, is a dangerous and subtle temptation. The more I 
 studied him, the stronger grew this conviction ; nay, at 
 times, the expression of scorn upon his handsome features 
 was legible even to the least remarking. It was while I still 
 continued to watch him that he passed me, with a dark 
 Spanish-looking girl upon his arm, when he turned round 
 suddenly, and staring at me fixedly a few seconds, said, " We 
 met once before to-day !" 
 
 " I am not aware of it," said I, doubtingly. 
 
 " Yes, yes. I never forget a face, least of all when it re- 
 sembles yours. I saw you this morning at the Picayune." 
 
 " True, I was there." 
 
 " What a precious set of rascals those fellows were. You 
 supposed that they were going to join the expedition. Not a 
 bit of it. Some were gamblers; the greater number thieves 
 and pickpockets. I know them all ; and, indeed, I was 
 going to warn you about them, for I saw you were a stranger, 
 but I lost sight of you in the crowd. But there's the music. 
 Will you have a partner ? " 
 
 " With all my heart," said I, glad to encourage our further 
 acquaintance. 
 
 " You speak Spanish? " 
 
 " Not a word." 
 
 " Well, no matter. If you did, you should have mine 
 here. But what say you to Mademoiselle Heloise, yonder? 
 — a bit faded or so ; but I remember her second ' Ballarina ' 
 at the Havannah, only two years back." 
 
 I made the suitable acknowledgment ; and the next mo- 
 
 p 2
 
 212 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 raent saw me whirling away in a waltz, at least in such an 
 approximation to that measure as my Quebec experience 
 suggested, with a very highly rouged and black eyebrowed 
 " danseuse." My French was better than my dancing; and 
 so Mademoiselle Heloise was satisfied to accept my arm, 
 while we paraded the room, discussing the company after 
 the most approved fashion. 
 
 The French have a proverb, " Bete comme une danseuse,'* 
 and I must say that my fair friend did not prove an excep- 
 tion. Her whole idea of life was limited to what takes 
 place in rehearsal of a morning, or on the night of represen- 
 tation. She recounted to me her history from the time she 
 had been a " Rat," — such is the technical at the Grand 
 Opera of Paris, — flying through the air on a wire, or sitting 
 periliously perched upon a pasteboard cloud. Thence she 
 had advanced to the state of Fairy Queen, or some winged 
 messenger of those celestials who wear muslin trousers with 
 gold stars, and always stand in the " fifth position." Pass- 
 ing through the grade of Swiss peasant, Turkish slave, and 
 Neapolitan market girl, she had at last arrived at the legiti- 
 mate drama of " legs," yclept " ballet d'action ; " and although 
 neither her beauty nor abilities had been sufficient to achieve 
 celebrity in Paris, she was accounted a Taglioni in the " pro- 
 vinces," and deemed worthy of exportation to the colonies. 
 
 " Non contigit quique adire Corinthiam!" we cannot all 
 have our " loges " at the " Grand Opera," and happy for us 
 it is so, or what would become of the pleasure we derive 
 from third, fourth, and fifth-rate performances elsewhere. 
 True, indeed, if truffles were a necessary of life, there would 
 be a vast amount of inconvenience and suffering. Now 
 Mademoiselle Heloise, whose pirouettes were no more minded 
 in Paris nor singled out for peculiar favour than one of the 
 lamps in the row of footlights, was a kind of small idol in 
 the Havannah. She had the good fortune to live in an age 
 when the heels take precedence of the head, and she shared 
 in the enthusiasm by which certain people in our day would 
 bring back the heathen mythology for the benefit of the corps 
 de ballet. 
 
 Alas for fame ! in the very climax of her glory she grew 
 fat ! Now flesh to a danseuse is like cowardice to a soldier, 
 or shame to a lawyer — it is the irreconcilable quality. The 
 gauzy natures who float to soft music must not sup. Every 
 cutlet costs an "entrechat!" Hard and terrible condition 
 of existence, and proving how difficult and self-denying a 
 tbiiig it is to be an angel, even in this world!
 
 "the okdinaky of all nations." 213 
 
 So much for Mademoiselle Heloise ; and if the reader be 
 -weary of her, so was I. 
 
 " You'll have to treat her to a supper," whispered Falkoner, 
 as he passed me. 
 
 " I've not a cent in my purse," said I, thinking it better 
 to tell the truth than incur the reproach of stinginess. 
 
 " Never mind — take mine," said he, as he dropped a very 
 weighty purse into my coat-pocket, and moved away before 
 I could make any answer. 
 
 Perhaps the greatest flattery an individual can receive is 
 to win some acknowledgment of confidence from an utter 
 stranger. To know that by the chance intercourse of a few 
 minutes you have so impressed another, who never saw you 
 before, that he is impelled at once to befriend you, your self- 
 esteem so pleasantly gratified, immediately re-acts upon the 
 cause, and you are at a loss whether most to applaud your 
 own good gifts, or the ready wittedness of him who appre- 
 ciated them so instantaneously. 
 
 I was still hesitating, revolving doubtless the pleasant 
 sense of flattery aforesaid, when Falkoner came flying past 
 with his partner. " Order supper for four," cried he, as he 
 whizzed by. 
 
 " What does he say, mon cher Comte?" said my partner. 
 
 I translated his command, and found that the notion 
 pleased her vastly. 
 
 The dining-room by this time had been metamorphosed 
 into a kind of coffee-room, with small supper-tables, at which 
 parties were already assembling ; and here we now took our 
 places, to con over the bill of fare, and discuss scolloped 
 oysters, cold lobster, devilled haddock, and other like deli- 
 cacies. 
 
 Falkoner soon joined us, and we sat down, the merriest 
 knot in the room. I must have been brilliant! I feel it so, 
 this hour ; a kind of warm glow rushes to my cheeks as I 
 think over that evening ; and how the guests from the dif- 
 ferent parts of the room grew gradually nearer and nearer 
 to listen to the converse at our table, and hear the smart 
 things that came pattering down like hail ! What pressing 
 invitations came pouring in upon me. The great Mastodon 
 himself could not have eaten a tithe of the breakfasts to 
 which I was asked, nor would the grog-tub of a seventy- 
 four contain all the rum-and-water I was proffered by skip- 
 pers lying " in dock." 
 
 Falkoner, however, pleased me more than the rest. There 
 was something in his cordiality that did not seem like a
 
 214 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 passing fancy ; and I could not help feeling that however 
 corrupted and run to waste by dissipation, there was good 
 stuff about him. He interested me, too, on another score; 
 he had formerly made one of a Texan excursion that had 
 penetrated even to the Rio del Norte, and his escapes and 
 adventures amused me highly. The ladies, I believe, at last 
 found us very ungallant cavaliers ; for they arose and left us 
 talking over prairie life and the wild habits of the chase, till 
 day began to shine through the windows. 
 
 "The Christobal sails to-morrow," said he, "for Galveston ; 
 but even she, smart sailer that she is, will scarce arrive in 
 time to catch these fellows. Here we are at the fifth of the 
 month ; the eighth was to be the start : then that, supposing 
 you to reach Galveston by the seventh, gives you no time to 
 get your kit ready, look after arms, and buy a nag. What 
 say you, then, if we make a party of our own ? — charter ono 
 of these small craft — a hundred dollars or so will do it. We 
 can then take our time to pick up good cattle, look out for a 
 couple of mules for our baggage, and a spare mustang or so,, 
 if a horse should knock up." 
 
 I concurred at once : the plan was fascination itself. Ad- 
 venture, liberty, novelty, enterprise, and a dash of danger to 
 heighten all. Falkoner talked of dollars as if they macada- 
 mized the road to St. Louis ; and I, glowing with punch and 
 pride together, spoke of the expense as a mere trifle. To 
 this hour I cannot say whether I had really mystified myself 
 into the notion that I possessed ample means, or was merely 
 indulging the passing pleasure of a delightful vision. So 
 was it, however : I smiled at the cheapness of everything, 
 could scarcely fancy such a thing as a Mexican pony for eighty 
 dollars ; and laughed, actually laughed, at the price of the 
 rifle, when all my worldly substance, at the moment, would 
 not have purchased copper caps for it. 
 
 " Don't go too expensively to work, Cregan," cried he - r 
 "and, above all, bring no European servant. A Mexican 
 fellow — or, better still, a half-breed — is the thing for the 
 prairies. You have to forget your Old World habits, and 
 rough it." 
 
 "So I can," said I, laughing good-humouredly ; "I'm 
 in a capital mind for a bit of sharp work too. Just 
 before I left the 90th, we made a forced march from St. 
 John's, through the forest country, and I feel up to any- 
 thing." 
 
 " You'll not like the cattle at first. I'm afraid," said be, 
 " they have that racking action the Yankees are fond of.
 
 "THE ordinary of all nations." 215 
 
 There is a capital mare at Galveston, if we could get her. 
 These fellows will snap her up most likely." 
 
 " Butcher's mare," said I, hazarding a guess. 
 
 "Ah! you've been looking after her already," said he, 
 surprised. " Well, to tell you the truth, that was one of my 
 objects in coming here to-night. I heard that some of these 
 skipper fellows had got the winning ticket : I paid twenty 
 dollars to the office-clerk to see the number, and determined 
 to buy it up. Here it is. Can you read these figures ? for, 
 hang me, if the punch, or the heat, or the dancing, has not 
 made me quite dizzy." 
 
 "Let me see; Number 438," said I, repeating it a couple 
 of times over. 
 
 " Yes, that is it. If I could have chanced on it, I'd have 
 ran down to-morrow by the Ghristohal. She lies about a 
 mile out, and will weigh with the ebb, at eight oclock. That 
 mare — she killed Butcher by a down leap over a rock, but 
 never scratched herself — is worth at least a thousand dollars." 
 
 "I offered eight hundred for her on mere character," 
 said I, sitting back, and sipping my liquid with a most pro- 
 found quietude. 
 
 Falkoner was evidently surprised with this announcement ; 
 but more so from the rakish indifference it betrayed about 
 money, than as bespeaking me rich and affluent. 
 
 And thus we chatted away till the black waiter made his 
 appearance to open the windows, and prepare for the work of 
 the day. 
 
 " Where are you stopping ? " said Falkoner, as we arose 
 from the table. 
 
 "At Condor House," said I, boldly giving the name of a 
 very flash hotel. " But it's too noisy : I don't like it." 
 
 " Nor do I. It's confoundedly expensive, too. I wish you 
 would come to Herrick's ; it is not quite so stylish perhaps, 
 but I think the cookery is better, and you'd not pay five 
 dollars a bottle for Madeira, and eight for Champagne." 
 
 " That is smart," said I. " They've not let me have my 
 bill yet; but I fancied they were costly folk." 
 
 " Well, come and dine with me at Herrick's to-morrow, 
 and decide for yourself." 
 
 " Why not try the Condor with me ? " said I. 
 
 " Another day, with all my heart, but I have a friend to- 
 morrow : so come and meet him at six o'clock." 
 
 I agreed ; and then we chatted on about London and town 
 folks, in a way that, even with all I had drunk, amazed me 
 for the cool impudence in which I indulged.
 
 216 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " You knew De Courcy, of course," said he, after a long 
 run of mutual friends had been disposed of. 
 
 " Jack ? " cried I, — " Jack De Courcy of the Coldstreams 
 — yes, I think I did. Jack and I were like brothers. The 
 last steeple chase I rode in Ireland was for poor Jack De 
 Courcy ; a little chestnut mare with a good deal of the Arab 
 about her." 
 
 " I remember her well, an active devil, but she couldn't go 
 for more than half a mile." 
 
 " Well, I managed to screw a race out of her." 
 
 " You must tell me all about that to-morrow ; for I find my 
 unfortunate head is like a bell with the vibration of the last 
 stroke of the hammer on it. Don't forget, to-morrow, sharp 
 six. You'll meet nobody but Broughton." 
 
 " Dudley— Sir Dudley Broughton? " 
 
 " The same. You know him then already ? Poor fellow ! 
 he's terribly cut up ; but he'll be glad to see an old friend. 
 Have you been much together ? " 
 
 " A great deal. I made a cruise with him in his yacht, 
 the Firefly." 
 
 " What a rare piece of fortune to have met you ! " cried 
 Falkoner, as he shook my hand once more. And so, with 
 the most fervent assurances of meeting on the morrow, we 
 parted, he, to saunter slowly towards his hotel, and I to 
 stand in the middle of the street, and, as I wiped the 
 perspiration from my brow, to ask myself, had I gone clean 
 mad. 
 
 I was so overwhelmed by the shock of my own impudence, 
 that I stood where Falkoner left me for full five minutes, 
 motionless and spell-bound. To have boasted of my intimacy 
 with Captain De Courcy, although the Atlantic rolled between 
 us, was bad enough in all conscience ; but to have talked of 
 Sir Dudley — the haughty, insolent, overbearing Sir Dudley 
 Broughton — as " my old friend," was something that actually 
 appalled me. How could my vain boastfulness have so far 
 got the better of my natural keenness ? how could my silly 
 self-sufficiency have carried me so far? "Ah?" thought I, 
 " it was not the real Con Cregan who spoke such ineffable 
 folly ; these were the outpourings of that diabolical ' Thumbo- 
 rig.' " 
 
 While, therefore, I entered into a bond with myself to 
 eschew that insidious compound in future, I also adopted the 
 far more imminent and important resolve, to run away from 
 New Orleans. Another sun must not set upon me in that 
 city, come what might. With a shudder I called to mind
 
 "the ordinary of all nations." 217 
 
 Sir Dudley's own avowal of his passion as a hater, and I could 
 not venture to confront such danger. 
 
 I accordingly hastened to my miserable lodging, and pack- 
 ing up my few clothes, now reduced to the compass of a 
 bundle in a handkerchief, I paid my bill, and on a minute 
 calculation of various pieces of strange coinage, found myself 
 the possessor of four dollars and a quarter, — a small sum, and 
 something less than a cent for every ten miles I was removed 
 from my native land. What meant the term " country," after all, 
 to such as me ? He has a country who possesses property in 
 it — whose interests tie him to the soil, where his name is 
 known, and his presence recognized ; but what country belongs 
 to him where no resting-place is found for his weary feet, — 
 whose home is an inn, whose friends are the fellow-travellers 
 with whom he has journeyed ? The ties of country, like those 
 of kindred, are superstitions — high and holy ones sometimes, 
 but still superstitions. Believe in them, if you can, and so 
 much the better for you ; but in some hour the conviction 
 will come that man is of every land. 
 
 Thus pondering, I trudged along at a smart pace, my ! undle 
 on a stick over my shoulder, never noticing the road, and only 
 following the way because it seemed to lead out of the city. 
 It was a gorgeous morning ; the sun glittered on the bright 
 roofs, and lit up the gay terraces of the houses, where creepers 
 of every tint and foliage were tastefully entwined and fes- 
 tooned, as these people knew so well to dispose. Servants 
 were opening windows, displaying handsomely-furnished 
 rooms, replete with every luxury, as I passed ; busy housemaids 
 were brushing, and sweeping, and polishing ; and shining 
 niggers were beating carpets and shaking hearthrugs, while 
 others were raking the gravel before the doors, or watering 
 the rich magnolias and cactuses that stood sentinel beneath 
 the windows. Carriages, too, were washing, and high-bred 
 horses standing out to be groomed — all signs of wealth, and 
 of the luxuries of the rich men, whose close-drawn curtains 
 portended sleep. " Ay," thought I, "there are hundreds, 
 here, whose weightiest evil would be that they awoke an iiour 
 earlier than their wont — that their favourite Arab had stood 
 on a sharp stone — that some rude branch had scratched the 
 rich varnish on their chariot ; while I wander along, alone 
 and friendless, my worldly substance a few dollars." This 
 disparity of condition of course occurs to the mind of every 
 poor man, but it only is a canker to him who has had a 
 glimpse, be it ever so fleeting, of a life of luxury and ease. 
 For this reason, the servant-class will always be a great source
 
 218 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 of danger to our present social condition ; seeing the weak- 
 ness, the folly, and sometimes the worse than folly of those 
 they serve — viewing, from a near point, the interior lives of 
 those who, seen from afar, are reckoned great and illustrious, 
 they lose the prestige of respect for the distinguishing 
 qualities of station, and only yield it to the outward symbols 
 — the wealth and riches. What Socialists are our butlers f 
 what Democrats our footmen ! what Red Republicans are 
 Dur cooks ! what a Leveller is the gardener ! For all your 
 'yellow plush," you are Sansculottes, every man of you. 
 
 Now, I deem it a high testimony to my powers of judgment 
 that I never entertained these views. On the contrary, I 
 always upheld the doctrine, that society, like a broken thigh- 
 bone, did best on an "inclined plane;" and I repudiated 
 equality with the scorn a man six feet high would feel were 
 he told that the human standard was to be four and a half 
 The only grudge I did feel towards the fortunate man of 
 wealth was, that I should lose so many brilliant years of life 
 in acquiring — for acquire it I would — what I would far rather 
 employ in dispensing. A guinea at twenty is worth a hundred 
 at thirty, a thousand at forty, a million at sixty ; — that's the 
 geometrical mean of life. Glorious youth! that only needs 
 " debentures ** to be divine ! 
 
 My head became clearer and my brain more unclouded, as 
 I walked along in the free air of the morning, and I felt that 
 with a cigar 1 should both compose my vagrant fancies, and 
 cheat myself out of the necessity of a breakfast. Excellent 
 weed ! that can make dulness imaginative, and imagination plod- 
 ding ; that renders stupid men companionable to clever ones, 
 and gives a meek air of thought to the very flattest insipidity ! 
 
 I searched my pocket for the little case that contained my 
 Manillas, but in vain ; I tried another — like result. How 
 was it ? I always carried it in my greatcoat ; had I been 
 robbed ? I could not help laughing at the thought, it sounded, 
 so ineffably comic. I essayed again, alas ! with no better 
 success. Could I have placed it in the breast-pocket ? What ! 
 there is no breast-pocket ! How is this, Con ? has Thumbc- 
 rig its influence over you yet ? I passed my hand across my 
 brow, and tried to remember if the breast-pocket had only 
 been a tradition of another coat, or what had become of it. 
 Pockets do not close from being empty, like county banks, 
 nor do they dry up, like wells, from disuse. 
 
 " No, no ; there certainly was once one here." As I said 
 this, what was ray amazement to find that the pocket for 
 which I had been searching had changed sides, and gone
 
 " THE ORDINARY OF ALL NATIONS." 219 
 
 from left to right ! " Oh, this is too bad ! " thought I ; " with 
 a little more punch, I could have fancied that I had put my coat 
 on wrong-sided. Here is a mystery !" said I, "and now, to 
 solve it patiently;" and so, I sat me down by the way side, 
 and laying my bundle on the ground, began to reflect. 
 
 Reflection, I soon found, was of no use. Habit — the in- 
 stinct of custom — showed me that my pocket had always been 
 to the left ; my right hand sought the spot with an almost 
 mechanical impulse, whereas my left wandered about like a 
 man in search of his newly-taken lodging. As I came to 
 this puzzling fact, my fingers, deeply immersed in the pocket, 
 came in contact with a small leather case. I drew it forth ; 
 it was not mine — -I had never seen it before ! I opened it ;. 
 there was nothing within but a small piece of card, with the 
 words, " Full Share Ticket," on top, and, underneath, the 
 figures, "438." 
 
 From the card, my eyes reverted to the coat itself; and 
 now I saw, with a surprise I cannot convey, that it was not 
 my own coat, but another man's I was wearing. The Negro 
 at the ordinary had assisted me to put it on. It was the 
 only one, indeed, remaining, as I came away, and some other 
 had carried off mine. So far, it was a fair exchange, of which 
 I was not in any way accountable, seeing that I performed 
 a mere passive part ; taking — and even that unwillingly — 
 what was left me. Certain thread-bare symptoms about the 
 cuffs, and a missing button or two, also showed me that I 
 was no gainer by the barter. Was it worth while to go back ? 
 were the chances of recovering my own equal to the risk of 
 being myself discovered ? I thought not. It was decidedly 
 a shabby investment ; and, now that I examined it more closely, 
 a very miserable substitute for my own. I was vexed at the 
 occurrence, and could not help reflecting, in very severe terms, 
 upon the breach of honour such an act displayed. " Lie 
 down with dogs" — Master Con, says the adage — "and see if 
 you don't get up with fleas ! " " Such company as you passed 
 the evening with were assuredly not above a piece of roguery 
 like this." Falkoner it could not be ; and I own that I was 
 glad to know that, since he was much taller than me ; nor 
 could I remember one who was near enough my own size to 
 make me suppose him the culprit ; and so I ended by attri- 
 buting the knavery to the Negro, who probably had kej^t this 
 ancient vestment for a moment of substitution. 
 
 It may be inferred, from the difficulty of solution in the 
 case of this very simple occurrence, that my faculties were 
 not pre-eminently clear and lucid, and that the vapour of the
 
 220 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 Thumbo-rig still bung heavily over me ; such, I am bound to 
 own, was the fact. Every event of the previous night was* 
 as shadowy and imperfect as might be. It was only during 
 the last half-hour of my conversation with Falkoner, that I 
 was completely conscious of all said and done around me. 
 Previous to this, my mind had established a kind of Pro- 
 visional Government over my rebellious ideas, and, like most 
 such bodies, its edicts had little force, for they were based on 
 but a weak prestige. 
 
 Now, then, came a question of this strange-looking piece 
 of card, with the numbers on which, by some wonderful pro- 
 cess, I seemed to myself perfectly familiar — nay, I felt that 
 they were, from some hidden cause, recorded facts in my 
 memory. All I could remember of the night before threw 
 little light upon the matter, and I wondered on, striving to 
 pierce the dull mist of uncertainty that enveloped all my 
 thoughts : by this time, I had reached the bank of the river, 
 and could perceive about half a mile off, down the stream, a 
 tall-masted smack, getting ready for sea — her blue-Peter 
 fluttered at the mast-head, and the pleasant ye-ho ! of the 
 sailors kept time with the capstan-bars as they heaved at the 
 anchor. The wind was a nor'-wester, and beat with im- 
 patient gusts the loose canvas that hung ready to be shaken 
 out, while the stream rushed rapidly along her sides. 
 
 " Would I were to sail in you, wherever your voyage 
 tended ! " was my exclamation ; and I sat down to watch the 
 preparations, which the loud commands of the skipper 
 seemed to hasten and press forward. So occupied was I with 
 the stir and bustle on board the craft, where everything was 
 done with a lightning-speed, that I did not remark a boat's 
 ■crew, who sat leaning on their oars, beside the wall of the 
 stream ; and it was only when an accidental sound of their 
 voices struck me that I saw them. 
 
 " That's a signal to come away, Ben ! " said one of the 
 men. " He'll not wait no longer ! " 
 
 " And why should he lose a tide for any land-lugger of 
 them all ? It's not every day, besides, we get a nor'-wester 
 like this!" 
 
 11 Well ! what d'ye mean to do ? " asked the former speaker. 
 
 " Give him ten minutes more, Ben," cried another. " Let's 
 have a chance of a dollar apiece, anyhow ! " 
 
 "There goes a shot!" said the man called Ben, as he 
 pointed to the smack ; from whose bow-port the smoke was 
 lazily issuing. " I'll not stay here any longer ! shove her 
 •away, lads ! "
 
 221 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 "on boabd of 'the christobal.' " 
 
 Without further delay, the men prepared to obey the sum- 
 mons. The boat's chain was cast off, and, as she swung out 
 from the wall, I could see a small standard at her stern, 
 carrying a little white flag, which, as the breeze wafted 
 towards me, showed the enigmatical numbers 438. 
 
 I sprang to my legs and uttered a cry of surprise. 
 
 " Well ! what is it, master ? " said Ben, looking up, and 
 probably expecting to see me take a header into the muddy 
 stream. 
 
 " That's the number ! " cried I, not knowing what I said. 
 " That's the very number ! " 
 
 " Very true, master, so it is ! but you ha'n't got the 
 counterpart, I guess ! " 
 
 " Yes, but I have, though ! " said I, producing the ticket 
 from the pocket-book. 
 
 " Why, darn me, if that a'n't himself ! " cried the men ; 
 and they sung out three hearty cheers at the discovery. 
 
 " Were you there long, old fellow ? " said Ben. 
 
 "About half an hour," said I. 
 
 " Tarnation ! and why did ye keep us a-waitin' ? didn't you 
 see the tide was on the ebb, and that Christy was making 
 signals every five minutes, or so ? " 
 
 " I was waiting — waiting " 
 
 '* Waiting for what ? I'd like to know." 
 
 " Waiting for my baggage ! " said I ; taking a long 
 breath. 
 
 " An' it ain't come yet ? " 
 
 " No ; I'm afraid they missed the road." 
 
 " Be that as it may, master, I'll not stay longer. Come 
 along without your kit, or stay behind with it, whichever you 
 please." 
 
 " Hang the traps," said I, affecting a bold carelessness ; 
 " I've a few things there I left out loose, that will do. When 
 shall we be there? " This was a leading question, for I did 
 not yet know whither we were bound. 
 
 " At Galveston ? Well, to-morrow evening or by night- 
 fall, I guess, if the wind hold. Sit down there and make
 
 222 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 yourself snug ; there's always a little splasli of a sea in this 
 river. And now, lads, pull away! all together." 
 
 A second shot from the smack announced that her anchor 
 was tripped, and we saw her now lurch over as her foresail 
 filled. 
 
 The men pulled vigorously, and in about twenty minutes I 
 stood upon the deck of the Christobal, making sundry excuses 
 to her skipper for being late, and assuring him, on the faith 
 •of a gentleman, that I had utterly forgotten all about my 
 voyage till the last moment. 
 
 " They only sent me the number from the office late last 
 night," said he, "and told me to look out for the gemman 
 xibout the docks. But I warn't goin' to do that, I said. He's 
 got a passage and grub to Galveston — as good as ere a 
 gemman can de-sire ; he's won a nag they says is worth seven 
 or eight hundred dollars, with furniture and arms for the 
 new expedition ; and I take it them things is worth a-looking 
 arter — so darn me blue if I gives myself no trouble about 
 'em." 
 
 These scattered hints were all I wanted. The sea-breeze 
 had restored me to my wonted clearness, and I now saw that 
 *' 438 " meant that I had won a free passage to Texas, a 
 horse and a rifle when I got there ; so far the " exchange of 
 coats " was "with a difference." It was with an unspeakable 
 satisfaction that I learned I was the only passenger on board 
 the Christobal. The other " gentlemen " of the expedition 
 had either already set out or abandoned the project, so that I 
 had not to undergo any unpleasant scrutiny into my past life, 
 or any impertinent inquiry regarding my future. 
 
 Old Kit Turrel, the skipper, did not play the grand inqui- 
 sitor on me. His life had been for the most part passed in 
 making the voyage to and from New Orleans and Galveston, 
 ■where he had, doubtless, seen sufficient of character to have 
 satisfied a glutton in eccentricity. There was not a runaway 
 rogue, or abandoned vagabond, that had left the coast for 
 years back with whose history he was not familiar. You had 
 but to give him a name, and out came the catalogue of his 
 misdeeds on the instant. 
 
 These revelations had a prodigious interest for me. They 
 opened the book of human adventure at the very chapter I 
 wanted. It was putting a keen edge upon the razor, to give 
 me the " last fashions in knavery " — not to speak of the 
 greater advantage of learning the success attendant on each, 
 since " Kit " could tell precisely how it fared with every one 
 who had passed through his hands.
 
 "OX BOARD OF 'THE CHRISTOBAL.* " 223 
 
 He enlightened me also as to these Texan expeditions, 
 which, to use his own phrase, had never been anything better 
 than " almighty swindles," planted to catch young flats from 
 the north country, the southerns being all too '' crank " to be 
 done. 
 
 "And is there no expedition in reality? " said I, with all 
 the horror of a man who had been seduced from home, and 
 family, and friends under false pretences. 
 
 " There do be a dash- now and then into the Camanche 
 trail, when buffaloes are plenty, or to bring clown a stra\ 
 back or so. Mayhap, too, they cut off an Injian fellow or 
 two, if he lingers too late in the fall ; and then they come 
 back with wonderful stories of storming villages, and 
 destroying war parties, and the rest of it ; but we knows 
 better. Most of 'em ere chaps are more used to picklocks 
 than rifles, and can handle a 'jemmy ' better than a ' bowie- 
 knife.' " 
 
 " And in the p resent case, what kind of fellows are 
 they?" 
 
 He rolled a tobacco quid from side to side of his mouth, 
 and seemed to hesitate whether he would speak out. 
 
 " There is no danger with me, captain ; I am an English- 
 man, a perfect stranger here, and have never seen or heard 
 of a man amongst them." 
 
 "I see that," said he, " and your friends must be rank 
 green 'uns to let you go and join this trail, that's a fact." 
 
 " But what are they ? " 
 
 "Well, they call 'emselves horse-dealers; but above 
 Austin there, and along by Bexar, they call 'em horse- 
 stealers! " and he laughed heartily at the excessive drollery 
 of the remark. 
 
 " And where do they trade with their cattle ? " 
 
 " They sells 'em here, or up in the States away north 
 sometimes, but they picks up the critters along the Chehuhna 
 Line, or down by Aguaverde, or San Pueblo. I've known 
 'em to go to Mexico, too. When they don't get scalped they've 
 rather good fun of it ; but they squabble a bit now and then 
 among 'emselves ; and so there's a Texan proverb, 'that 
 buffalo-meat in spring is as rare as a mustang merchant with 
 two eyes ! ' " 
 
 " What does that mean ? " 
 
 " They gouge a bit down there, they do, — that's a fact. 
 I've known two or throe join the Red men, and say Tnjians 
 was better living with, than them 'ere." 
 
 " I own your picture is not flattering."
 
 224 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 "Yes, but it be, though! You don't know them chaps; 
 but I know 'em — ay, for nigh forty year. I'm a-livin' on 
 this 'ere passage, and I've seen 'em all. I knew Bowlin 8am, 
 I did! " From the manner this was said, I saw that Bowlin 
 Sam was a celebrity, to be ignorant of whom was to confess 
 one's self an utter savage. 
 
 " To be sure I was only a child at the time ; but I saw 
 him come aboard with the negro fellow, that he followed up 
 the Red River trail. They were two of the biggest fellows 
 you could see. Sam stood six feefc six-an'-a-quarter ■ the Black 
 was six feet four, — but he had a stoop in his shoulders. Sam 
 tracked him for two years ; and many's the dodge they had 
 between 'em : but Sam took him at last, and he brought him 
 all the way from Guajaqualle here, bound with his hands 
 behind him, and a log of iron-wood in his mouth ; for he 
 could tear like a juguar. 
 
 " They were both on 'em ugly men — Sam, very ugly ! Sam 
 could untwist the strongest links of an iron boat-chain, and 
 t'other fellow could bite a man-rope clean in two with his 
 teeth. ' The Black ' eat nothing from the time they took 
 him; and when they put him into the shore-boat, in the 
 river, he was so weak they had to lift him like a child. 
 Well, out they rowed, into the middle of the stream, where 
 the water is roughest among the ' snags,' and many a whirl- 
 pool dashing around 'atween the bows of the ' sawyers.' 
 That's the spot you're sure to see one of these young sharks; 
 — for the big chaps knows better than to look for their witta!s 
 in dangerous places — while the water is black, at times, with 
 alligators. Well, as I was sayin', out they rowed; and just 
 as they comes to this part of the stream, the black fellow 
 gives a spring, and drives both his heavy-ironed feet bang 
 through the flooring-plank of the boat. It was past bailin' ; 
 they were half swamped before they could ship their oars : 
 the minute after, they were all struggling in the river together. 
 There were three besides the nigger ; but he was the only one 
 ever touched land again. He was an Antigua chap, that 
 same nigger ; and they knows sharks and caymans as we 
 does dog-fish ; but for all that, he was all bloody, and had 
 lost part of one foot, when he got ashore." 
 
 " Why had he been captured ? what had he done ? " 
 
 " What hadn't he done ! that same black murdered more 
 men as any six in these parts ; he it was burned down Che- 
 coat's mill up at Brandy Cove, with all the people fastened 
 up within. Then he run away to the ' washins ' at Guaja- 
 qualle, where he killed Colonel Rixon, as was over the
 
 M ON J30ARD OF ' THE CHPJSTOBAL.' " 225 
 
 ' Placer.' He cut him in two with a bowie-knife, and never 
 a one guessed how it happened, as the jaguars had carried 
 off two or three people from the 'washing ' ; but the nigger 
 got drunk one night, and began a-cuttin' down the young 
 hemlock trees, and sayin', ' That's the way I mowed down 
 Buckra' Georgy' — his name was George Rixon. Then, he 
 bolted, and was never seen more. Ah ! he was a down- 
 hard'un! that fellow Crick." 
 
 " Crick — Menelans Crick ! " said I, almost springing up 
 with amazement as I spoke. 
 
 " Just so. You've heard enough of him 'fore now, I 
 guess." 
 
 The skipper w T ent on to talk about the negro's early ex- 
 ploits, and the fearful life of crime which he had always 
 pursued ; but I heard little of what he said. The remem- 
 brance of the man himself, bowed down with years and 
 suffering, was before me ; and I thought how terribly murder 
 is expiated, even in those cases where the guilty man is 
 believed to have escaped. So is it ; the dock, the dungeon, 
 and the gallows, can be mercies in comparison with the self- 
 torment of eternal fear, the terror of companionship, or the 
 awful hell of solitude ! The scene at Anticosti, and the 
 terrific night in the Lower Town of Quebec, rose both 
 together to my mind, and so absorbed my thoughts, that the 
 old skipper, seeing my inattention, and believing that I was 
 weary and inclined for sleep, left me for the deck ; and I lay 
 still, pondering over these sad themes. 
 
 At last I roused myself and went on deck. The city had 
 long since disappeared from view, and even the low land at 
 the mouth of the river had faded in the distance ; while, 
 instead of the yellow polluted flood of the Mississippi, the 
 blue waves, shining and sparkling, danced merrily past, or 
 broke in foam-sheets at the bow. The white sails were bent 
 like boards, firm and immovable before the breeze, and the 
 swift vessel darted her way onward as proudly as though her 
 freight were something prouder and better than a poor ad- 
 venturer, without one in the wide world who cared whether 
 he won or lost the game with Fortune. 
 
 My spirits rose every mile we left New Orleans behind us ; 
 I felt besides, that to bring my skill to such a market, was 
 but to carry " coals to Newcastle : " nor, from the skipper's 
 account, did Texas offer a much more favourable field. How- 
 ever, it smacked of adventure ; the very name had a charm 
 for me, and I thought I should far rather confront actual 
 danger than live a life of petty schemes and small expedients, 
 
 Q
 
 226 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 But, what a strange crucible is the human heart ! here was I, 
 placed in a situation to which an incident had elevated me — ■ 
 of a kind which a more scrupulous sense of honour would 
 have made some shudder at — fancying, ay, and persuading 
 myself too, that, in the main, I possessed very admirable 
 sentiments and most laudable ambitions ; — that the occasional 
 little straits to which I was reduced, were only so many 
 practical jokes played on me by "Fate," which took, doubt- 
 less, a high delight in the ingenuity by which I always fell 
 on my feet, — while I felt certain that, were I only fairly 
 treated, a more upright, honourable, straightforward young 
 gentleman never lived than I should prove ! 
 
 "Let Dame Fortune only deal me trumps," said I, "and 
 I'll promise never 'to look into my neighbour's hand.'" 
 Gentle reader, you smile at my humility; — well, then, it's 
 clear you are neither a secretary of state, nor a railway 
 director — that's all. 
 
 We dropped anchor off Galveston just as the sun was 
 setting ; and the evening being calm, and the reflection of 
 the houses and steeples in the water sharp and defined, the 
 scene was sufficiently striking. The city itself was more 
 important as to size and wealth than I had anticipated, and 
 the office of the " Texan Expedition," held at the " Moon," a 
 great coffee-house on the Quay, impressed me most favourably 
 with the respectability and pretensions of my " Co-expedi- 
 tionaries." Old Kit presented me to the Secretary — a very 
 knavish-looking fellow in spectacles of black gauze — as the 
 winner of the great prize ; which, to my excessive mortifica- 
 tion, I learned was at Houston, about eighty miles farther up 
 the Bay. 
 
 I apologized for my careless dress, by stating that my 
 baggage had been unfortunately left behind at New Orleans ; 
 and that in my haste I had been obliged to come on board 
 with actually nothing but the few dollars I had in my 
 pocket. 
 
 "That's a misfortune easily repaired, sir," said the gauze- 
 eyed Secretary, — " you can have your ' credit ' cashed here 
 just as liberally as at any town in the country." 
 
 " I have no doubt of that," responded I, somewhat tartly, 
 for I did not fancy this allusion to banks and bankers — " but 
 all my papers are in my portmanteau." 
 
 "Provoking, certainly," said he, taking a long pinch of 
 snuff,— " ain't it, Kit?" 
 
 But Kit only scratched his nose, and looked puzzled. 
 
 "Are your bankers Yicprs aud Bull, sir ? "
 
 " ON BOARD OF ' THE CHRISTOBAL.' " 227 
 
 "No," said I, " my credits are all on a northern house : but 
 I fancy my name is tolerably well known. You've heard of 
 the Cregans, I suppose ? " 
 
 " Cregan — Cregan," repeated he a couple of times : then 
 opening a huge ledger at the letter C, ran his eye down a long- 
 column. " Crabtree — Crossley — Croxam — Crebell — Creffet — 
 Cregmore. It is not Cregmore, sir ? " 
 
 " No, Cregan is the name." 
 
 " Ah, well, there's no Cregan. There was a Cregmore was 
 * lynched ' here, I see by the mark in the book, and we have a 
 small trunk waiting to be claimed belonging to him." 
 
 " That ain't the fellow as purtended to be winner of the 
 waggon team that was lotteried here a twelvemonth since, is 
 it ? " said Kit, 
 
 11 Yes, but it is, though. He made out he had the ticket 
 all right and straight, when up comes one Colonel Jabus 
 Harper, and showed the real thing ; and the chaps took it up 
 hotly, and they lynched Cregmore that evening." 
 
 " Yes, sir, that's a fact," quoth Kit. 
 
 " What was the penalty ? " asked I, with a most imposing 
 indifference. 
 
 " They hanged him up at Hall's Court yonder. I ain't sure 
 if he be'n't hanging there still." 
 
 "And this packet," said I — for the theme was excessively 
 distasteful — " when does she sail ? " 
 
 " She starts to-night, at twelve — first cabin, two dollars ; 
 steerage, one-twenty." 
 
 " Thank you," said I, touching my hat, with the conde- 
 scending air one occasionally employs to humiliate an 
 inferior, by its mingled pride and courtesy ; and I turned into 
 the street. 
 
 " You ain't a-going to Hall's Court, are you? " said Kit, 
 overtaking me. 
 
 " Of course not," responded I, indignantly. " Such sights 
 are anything but pleasurable." 
 
 " He ain't all right, that 'un," said Gauze-eyes, as old Kit 
 re-entered the office, and I stepped back to listen. 
 
 " Well, I don't know," muttered the other : " I'm a-think- 
 ing it be doubtful, sir. He ha'n't got much clink with him, 
 that's a fact." 
 
 " I have half a mind to send Chico up in the boat to-night, 
 just to dodge him a bit." 
 
 " Well, ye might do it," yawned the other ; " but Chico is 
 such an almighty willain that he'll make him out a rogue or 
 a swindler, at all events." 
 
 Q 2
 
 228 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " Chico is smart, that I do confess," said the other with a 
 grin. 
 
 " And he do look so uncommon like a vagabond, too, Chico, 
 I don't like him." 
 
 " He can look like anything he pleases, Chico can. I've 
 seen him pass for a Pawnee, and no one ever disciver it." 
 
 "He's a rank coward, for ail that," rejoined the skipper; 
 " and be can put no disguise upon that" 
 
 The sound of feet, indicative of leaving, made me hasten 
 from the spot, bat in a mood far from comfortable. With 
 the fate of my ingenious predecessor in " Hall's Court " 
 before me, and the small possibility of escaping the shrewd 
 investigations of " Chico," I really knew not what coarse to 
 follow. The more I reflected, however, the less choice was 
 there at my disposal ; the bold line, as generally happens, 
 being not a whit more dangerous than the timid path, since, 
 were I to abandon my prize, and not proceed to Houston, 
 the^g^itable Chico would only be the more certain to dis- 
 covorme. 
 
 My mind was made up, and stepping into a shop I 
 expended two of my four dollars in the purchase of a " re- 
 volver " — second-hand, but an excellent weapon, and true as 
 gold. A few cents supplied me with some balls and powder; 
 and, thus provided, I took my way towards the wharf where 
 the steamer lay, already making some indicative signs of 
 readiness. 
 
 I took a steerage passage ; and, not knowing where or how 
 to dispose of myself in the interval before starting, I clam- 
 bered into a boat on deck, and, with my bundle for a pillow, 
 fell into a pleasant doze. It was not so much sleep as a 
 semi-waking state, that merely dulled and dimmed impres- 
 sions — a frame of mind I have often found very favourable to 
 thought. One is often enabled to examine a question in this 
 wise ; as they look at the sun through a smoked glass, and 
 observe the glittering object without being blinded by its 
 biilliancy. I suppose the time I passed in this manner was 
 as near an approach to low spirits as I am capable of feeling ; 
 for, of regular downright depression, I know as little as did 
 Nelson of fear. 
 
 I bethought me seriously of the " scrape " in which I found 
 myself, and reflected with considerable misgivings upon the 
 summary principles of justice in vogue around me ; and yet 
 the knavery was not of my own seeking. Like Falstaff's 
 honour, it was " thrust upon me." I was innocent of all plot 
 or device. " Le diable qui se mele en tout " — never was
 
 " ON BOARD OF ' THE CHRISTOBAL.' " 22 ( J 
 
 there a truer saying — would have it that I should exchange 
 coats with another, and that this confounded ticket should be 
 the compensation for worn seams and absent buttons. 
 
 I have no doubt, thought I, but that " Honesty is the 
 best policy," pretty much upon the same principle that even 
 a dead calm is better than a hurricane. But to him who 
 desires "progress," on whose heart the word "onward" is 
 written, the calm is lethargy, while the storm may prove 
 propitious. I then tried to persuade myself that even this 
 adventure could not turn out ill ; not that I could by any 
 ingenuity devise how it should prove otherwise, but I knew 
 that Fortune is as skilful as she is kind, and so I left the 
 whole charge to her. 
 
 Is it my fault, I exclaimed, that I am not rich, and well- 
 born, and great? Show me any one who would have enjoyed 
 such privileges more. Is it my fault that, being poor, ignoble, 
 and lowly in condition, I have tastes and aspirations at war 
 with my situation ? — these ought rather to be stimulant- 1 
 exertion than caprices of Fortune. I like the theory better, 
 too ; and is it not hard to be condemned for the devices I am 
 reduced to employ to combat such natural evils ? If the 
 prisoner severs his fetters with an old nail, it is because he 
 does not possess the luxury of a file or a " cold chisel." As 
 for me, the employment of small and insignificant means is 
 highly distasteful: instead of following the lone mountain- 
 path on foot, I'd drive " life's high road " four-in-hand, if I 
 could. 
 
 The furious rush of the escape-steam, the quick coming 
 and going of feet, the heavy banging of luggage on the deck, 
 and all the other unmistakable signs of approaching depar- 
 ture, aroused me, as I lay patiently contemplating the bustle 
 of leave-taking, hand-shaking, and embracing, in which I had 
 no share. A lantern at the gangway lit up each face that 
 passed, and I strained my eyes to mark, one, the only one, in 
 whom I was interested. As I knew not whether the inge- 
 nious Chico were young, old, short, slim, fat, or six foot — 
 whether brown or fair, smooth-faced or bearded, my observa- 
 tions were necessarily universal, and I was compelled to let 
 none escape me. 
 
 At first, each passenger appeared to be "him," and then, 
 after a few minutes I gave up the hope of detection. There 
 were fellows whose exterior might mean anything — large, 
 loose-coated figures, with leather overalls and riding-whips, 
 many of them with pistols at their girdles, and one or two 
 wearing swords, parading the deck on every side. It i.eeded
 
 230 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 not the accompaniment of horse-gear, saddles, holsters, hal- 
 ters, and cavessons, to show that they belonged to a fraternity 
 ■which, in every land of the Old World or the New, has a 
 prescriptive claim to knavery. Although all of them were 
 natives of the United States, neither in their dark brown 
 complexions, deep moustaches and whiskers, and sfrange 
 gestures, was there any trace of that laud which we persist in 
 deeming so purely Anglo-Saxon. The prairie and the hunt- 
 ing-ground, the life of bivouac and the habit of danger, had 
 imparted its character to their looks ; and there was, besides, 
 that air of swagger and braggadocio so essentially the type 
 of your trafficker in horse-nejh. 
 
 If my attention had not been turned to another subject, I 
 would willingly have studied a little the sayings and doings 
 of this peculiar class, seeing that it might yet be my lot to 
 form one of " the brotherhood ; " but my thoughts were too 
 deeply interested in discovering " Chico," whose presence in 
 the same ship with me actually weighed on my mind like the 
 terror of a phantom. 
 
 " Can this be him ? " was the question which arose to my 
 heart as figure after figure passed me near where I lay ; but 
 the careless indolent look of the passenger as regularly nega- 
 tived the suspicion. We were now under weigh, steaming 
 along in still water with all the tremendous power of our 
 high-pressure engines, which shook the vessel as though they 
 ■would rend its strong framework asunder. The night was 
 beautifully calm and mild, and although without a moon, the 
 sky sparkled with a thousand stars, many of which were 
 of size and brilliancy to throw long columns of light across 
 the bay. 
 
 The throb of the great sea monster, as she cleared her way 
 through the water, was the only sound heard in the stillness ; 
 for although few had "gone below," the groups seated about 
 the deck either smoked in silence, or talked in low, indistinct 
 tones. 
 
 I lay gazing at the heavens, and wondering within myself 
 which of those glittering orbs above me was gracious enough 
 to preside over the life and adventures of Con Cregan ; 
 " some dim, indistinct, little spangle it must be," thought I, 
 — " some forgotten planet of small reputation, I've no doubt 
 it is. I shouldn't wonder if it were that little sly-looking 
 fellow that winks at me from the edge of yonder cloud, and 
 seems to say, ' Lie still, Con — keep close, my lad — there's 
 danger near.' " As I half-muttered this to myself, a dark 
 object intervened between me and the sky, a large black disc,
 
 " ON BOARD OF ' THE CHRISTOBAL.' " 23l 
 
 shutting out completely the brilliant fretwork on which I had 
 been gaziug. As I looked again, I saw it w r as the huge 
 broad-brimmed hat of a Padre — one of those felted coal- 
 scuttles which make the most venerable faces grotesque and 
 ridiculous. 
 
 Lying down in the bottom of the boat, I was able to take 
 a deliberate survey of the priest's features, while he could 
 barely detect the dark outline of my figure. He was thick 
 and swarthy, with jet-black eyes, and a long-pointed chin. 
 There was something Spanish in the face, and yet more of 
 the Indian ; at least the projecting cheek-bones and the gaunt 
 hollow cheeks favoured that suspicion. 
 
 From the length of time he stood peering at me, I could 
 perceive that it was not a passing impulse, but that his curi- 
 osity was considerable. This impression was scarcely con- 
 ceived ere proved; as, taking a small lantern from the 
 binnacle, he approached the boat, and held it over me. 
 Affecting a heavy slumber, I snored loudly, and lay perfectly 
 still, while he examined my face, bending over me as I lay, 
 and marking each detail of my dress and appearance. 
 
 As if turning in my sleep, I contrived to alter my position 
 in such a manner that, covering my face with my arm, I 
 could watch the Padre. 
 
 " Came on board alone, said you ? " asked he of a little 
 dirty urchin of a cabin-boy, at his side. 
 
 " Yes, father ; about two hours before we left the harbour." 
 
 " No luggage of any kind ? " 
 
 "A bundle, father; that under his head, and nothing 
 more." 
 
 " Did he speak to you, or ask any questions? " 
 
 11 Only at what time we should reach Houston, and if the 
 4 White Hart ' was near the Quay ? " 
 
 " And then he lay down in the boat here ? " 
 
 " Just so. I saw no more of him after." 
 
 " That will do," said the Padre, handing the lantern to 
 the boy. 
 
 That will do ! thought I also. Master Chico, if you know 
 me, I know you as well ! 
 
 The game was now begun between us — at least, so I felt it. 
 I lay watching my adversary, who slowly paced backwards 
 and forwards, stopping now and then to peep into the boat, 
 and doubtless conning over in his own mind his plan of 
 attack. 
 
 We were to land some passengers, and take in some wood 
 at a little place called Fork Island, and here I was half deter-
 
 232 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 mined within myself that my voyage should end. That 
 " Chico " had discovered me was clear ; the Padre could be 
 no other than him, and that he would inevitably hunt me 
 down at Austin was no less evident. Now, discovery and 
 " Lynching" were but links of the same chain, and I had no 
 fancy to figure as " No. 2," in Hall's Court! 
 
 The silence on the deck soon showed that most of the 
 passengers had gone below, and, so far as I could see in the 
 uncertain light, " Chico " with them. I arose, therefore, from 
 my hard couch to take a little exercise, which my cramped 
 limbs stood in need of. A light drizzling rain had begun to 
 fall, w T hich made the deck slippery and uncomfortable, and so 
 I took my stand at the door of the cook's galley, into which 
 two or three of the crew had sought refuge. 
 
 As the rain fell the fog thickened, so that, standing close 
 in to shore, the skipper slackened our speed, till at last 
 we barely moved through the water. Not aware of the 
 reason, I asked one of the sailors for an explanation. 
 
 " It's the dirty weather, I reckon," said he, sulky at being 
 questioned. 
 
 " Impatient, I suppose, to get the journey over, my young 
 friend ? " said a low silky voice, which at once reminded me 
 of that I had already heard w r hen I lay in the boat. I turned, 
 and it was the Padre, who, with an umbrella over him, was 
 standing beside me. 
 
 " I'm not much of a sailor, Father," replied I, saluting him 
 respectfully as I spoke. 
 
 "More accustomed to the saddle than the poop-deck?" 
 said he, smiling blandly. 
 
 I nodded assent, and he went on with some passing gene- 
 ralities about sea and land life — mere skirmishing, as I saw, 
 to invite conversation. 
 
 Partly weariness, partly a sense of discomfort at the per- 
 secution of this man's presence, made me sigh heavily. I 
 had not perceived it myself, but he remarked it immediatel}', 
 and said : 
 
 "You are depressed in spirit, my son ; something is weigh- 
 ing on your heart ! " 
 
 I looked up at him, and, guided possibly by my suspicion 
 of his real character, I saw, or thought I saw, a twinkling 
 glitter of his dark eye, as though he was approaching the 
 theme on which he was bent. 
 
 "Yes, Father!" replied I, with a voice of well-feigned 
 emotion ; " my heart is indeed heavy ; but " — here I assumed 
 a more daring tone — " I must not despond for all that I "
 
 " ON BOARD OF ' THE CHPJSTOEAL.' " 233 
 
 I walked away as I spoke, and retiring, safe down near the 
 wheel, as if to meditate. I judged that the Padre would soon 
 follow me, nor was I wrong ; I was not many minutes seated 
 ere he stood at my side. 
 
 " I see," said he, in a mild voice — " I see, from the respect 
 of your manner, that you are one of our own people — a good; 
 son of the church. What is your native country ? " 
 
 " Ireland, Father," said I, with a sigh. 
 
 " A blessed land, indeed ! " said he, benignly ; " happy in it- 
 peaceful inhabitants — simple-minded and industrious ! " 
 
 I assented, like a good patriot, but not without misgivings 
 that he might have been just as happy in another selection of 
 our good gifts. 
 
 " I have known many of your countrymen," resumed he, 
 " and they all impressed me with the same esteem. All, alike 
 frugal, temperate, and tranquilly disposed." 
 
 " Just so, sir ; and the cruelty is, nobody gives them credit 
 for it ! " 
 
 " Ah, my son, there you are in error. The Old World may 
 be, and indeed I have heard that it is, ungenerous ; but its 
 prejudices cannot cross the ocean. Here we estimate men 
 not by our prejudices but by their merits. Here, we recog- 
 nize the Irishman as Nature has made him — docile, confiding,, 
 and single-hearted ; slow to anger, and ever ready to control 
 his passions ! " 
 
 "That's exactly his portrait, Father! "said I, enthusias- 
 tically. " Without a double of any kind, — a creature that 
 does not know a wile or a stratagem ! " 
 
 The Priest seemed so captivated by my patriotism and my 
 generous warmth, that he sat down beside me, and we con- 
 tinued to make Ireland still our theme ; each vying with the 
 other, who could say most in praise of that country. 
 
 It was at the close of a somewhat long disquisition upon 
 the comparative merits of Ireland and the Garden of Eden. 
 — in which, I am bound to say, the balance inclined to th« 
 former, that the Padre, as if struck by a sudden thought. 
 remarked — - 
 
 "You are the very first of your nation I ever met in a 
 frame of mind disposed to melancholy! I have just been 
 running over, to myself, all the Irishmen I ever knew, and I 
 cannot recall one that had a particle of gloom or sorrow about 
 him." 
 
 " Nor had I, Father," said I, with emotion; "nor did I 
 know what sorrow was, till three days back ! I was light- 
 hearted and happy — the world went well with me, and I was
 
 234 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 -content with the world. T will not trouble you with my 
 story ; enough when I say that I came abroad to indulge a 
 taste for adventure and enterprise, and that the New World 
 has not disappointed my expectations. If I spent money a 
 little too freely, an odd grumble or so from ' the governor ' 
 was the darkest cloud that shaded my horizon. An only 
 son, perhaps I pushed .that prerogative somewhat too far ; but 
 -our estate is unencumbered, and my father's habits are the 
 reverse of extravagant, — for a man of his class I might call 
 them downright rustic in simplicity. Alas ! why do I think 
 of these things ? I have done with them for ever." 
 
 " Nay, nay ; you must not give way thus. It is very un- 
 likely that one young as you are can have any real guilt upon 
 his conscience." 
 
 "Not yet, Father," said I, with a shudder, — "not yet; 
 "but who can tell how it may be with me to-morrow or next 
 day ? — what a different answer should I have to give your 
 question then !" 
 
 "This is some fancy — some trick of a warm and ill-regu- 
 lated imagination, my son." 
 
 " It is the language my heart pours from my lips," said I, 
 grasping his hand, as if with irrepressible emotion. " I have 
 a heavy crime here — here ! " and I struck my breast violently; 
 " and if it be as yet unaccomplished, the shadow of the guilt 
 is on me already." 
 
 " Sit still, my son — sit still, and listen to me," said he, 
 restraining me, as I was about to rise ; " to whom can you 
 reveal these mysterious terrors more fittingly than to me ? 
 Be candid — tell me what weighs upon your heart. It may 
 be that a mere word of mine can give you courage and calm." 
 
 " That cannot be," said I, firmly ; "you speak in kindness, 
 but you know not what you promise. I am under a vow, 
 Father — I am under a vow." 
 
 " Well, my son, there are many vows meritorious. There 
 are vows of penitence, and of chastity, and of abstinence " 
 
 "Mine is none of these," said I, with a low guttural utter- 
 ance, as if I was biting each word I spoke. 
 
 " Vows of chastisement " 
 
 " Not that — not that either !" cried I ; then, dropping my 
 voice to a low whisper, 1 said, " I have sworn a solemn oath 
 to commit a murder ! I know the full guilt of what is before 
 me — I see all the consequences, both here and hereafter ; but 
 my word is pledged — I have taken the oath with every cere- 
 mony that can give it solemnity, and, — I'll go through with 
 it!"
 
 235 
 
 "There is a mystery in all this," said the Padre; "you 
 must recount the circumstances of this singular pledge, ere I 
 can give you either comfort or counsel." 
 
 " 1 look for neither — I hope for neither ! " said I, wringing 
 my hands ; " but you shall hear my story — you are the last to 
 whom I can ever reveal it ! I arrived at New Orleans about 
 a fortnight ago, on a yacht cruise with a friend of mine, of 
 whose name, at least, you may have heard — Sir Dudley 
 Broughton." 
 
 " The owner of a handsome schooner, the Jfirefly" said 
 the Padre, with an animation on the subject not quite in 
 keeping with his costume. 
 
 " The same — you are, then, acquainted with him ? " 
 
 " Oh no ; I was accidentally standing on the wharf when 
 his yacht came up the river at New Orleans." 
 
 " You didn't remark a young man on the poop, in a forag- 
 ing cap, with a gold band round it ? " 
 
 " I cannot say I did." 
 
 " He carried a key-bugle in his hand." 
 
 " I did not perceive him." 
 
 " That was me ; how different was I then ! Well, well — 
 I'll hasten on. We arrived at New Orleans, not quite deter- 
 mined whither next we should bend our steps ; and hearing 
 by mere accident of this Texan expedition, we took it into 
 our heads we would join it. On inquiring about the matter, 
 we found that a lottery was in progress, the prizes of which 
 were various portions of equipment, horses, mules, baggage, 
 negroes, and so on. For this — just out of caprice — we took 
 several tickets ; but as, from one cause or other, the drawing 
 was delayed,we lingered on, going each day to the office, and 
 there, making acquaintance with a number of fellows inte- 
 rested in the expedition, but whose manner and style, I need 
 scarcely say, were not good recommendations to intimacy 
 Broughton, however, always liked that kind of thing ; low 
 company, with him, had always the charm of an amusement that 
 he could resign whenever he fancied. Now, as he grew more 
 intimate with these fellows, he obtained admission into a 
 kind of club they held in an obscure part of the town, and 
 thither we generally repaired every evening, when too late 
 for any more correct society. They were all, or at least 
 they affected to be, interested in Texan expeditions ; and the 
 conversation never took any other turn than what concerned 
 these objects; and if, at first, our Old World notions were 
 shocked at their indifference to life — the reckless disregard 
 of honour and good faith they evinced, we came, by degrees.
 
 '236 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 to feel that the moral code of the Prairies permitted many 
 things which were never sanctioned in more cultivated 
 latitudes. 
 
 "Broughton entered into all this with a most extraordinary 
 interest. Nothing seemed too wild, too abandoned, and too 
 outrageous, for his notions ; and I shame to say it, he soon 
 made me a convert to his opinions. His constant speech was, 
 ' Be as virtuous as you please, my dear fellow, among ladies 
 and gentlemen ; but pray, fight Choctaws, Pawnees, and 
 half-breeds with their own weapons, which are either a trick 
 or a tomahawk.' I never liked the theory; but partly from 
 daily iteration, partly from a yielding pliancy of disposition, 
 and in great measure from being shamed into it, I gave way, 
 and joined him in all the pledges he gave, to go through with 
 anything the expedition exacted. I must be brief — that light 
 yonder is on Fork Island, where we stop to take in wood, 
 and ere we reach it, I must make up my mind to one course 
 or other. 
 
 " As the time for the starting of the expedition drew nigh, 
 the various plans and schemes became the theme of nightly 
 discussion ; and we heard of nothing but guides and trails, 
 where grass was to be found for the cattle, and where water 
 could be had, with significant hints about certain places and 
 people who were known, or believed to be inimical to these 
 excursions. Thus on the map were marked certain villages 
 which might be put under contribution, and certain log-houses 
 which should be made to pay a heavy impost ; here, it was 
 a convent to be mulcted, and there, a store or a mill to be 
 burned ! In fact, the expedition seemed to have as many 
 vengeances to fulfil as hopes of gain to gratify ; for each had 
 a friend who was maltreated, or robbed, or murdered, and 
 whose fate or fortunes required an expiation — but I weary 
 you, Padre, with all this ? " 
 
 " Not at all, my son; I recognize perfectly the accuracy of 
 your account. I have heard a good deal about these people." 
 
 " There was one individual, however, so universally de- 
 tested, that you would suppose he must have been a kind of 
 devil incarnate to have incurred such general hate. Every 
 one had a grudge against him, and, in fact, there was a kind 
 of struggle who should be allotted to wreak on him the com- 
 mon vengeance of the company. It was at last decided that 
 his fate should be lotteried, and that whoever won the first 
 prize — this mare of which you may have heard — should also 
 win the right to finish this wretched man. 1 gained this 
 infamous distinction ; and here am I, on my way to claim my
 
 M ON BOARD OF ' TnE CHRISTOBAL.' " 25? 
 
 .yrize and commit a murder ! Ay, I may as well employ the 
 irue word — it is nothing less than a murder ! I have not 
 3ven the poor excuse of revenge. I cannot pretend that he 
 ever injured me : nay, I have not even seen him ; I never 
 heard of his name till two days ago ; nor, even now, could I 
 succeed in finding him out if I were not provided with certain 
 clues at Houston, and certain guides by whose aid I am to 
 track him. My oath is pledged : I swore it solemnly, that, 
 if the lot fell upon me, I'd do the deed, and do it I will ; yet, 
 T am equally resolved never to survive it." — Here, I produced 
 my revolver. — "If this barrel be for the unlucky Chico, this 
 ;>ther is for myself! " 
 
 " What name did you say ? " cried he with a faltering voice^ 
 while his hand, as he laid it on my arm, shook like ague. 
 
 " Chico, the wretch is called," I said, fixing a cap on my 
 pistol. 
 
 "And why call him a wretch, my son? Has he ever 
 injured you ? How do you know that he is not some poor 
 kindly-hearted creature, the father of five children, one of 
 them a baby, perhaps? How can you tell the difficulties by 
 which he gains his living, and the hazard to which he exposes 
 his life in doing so ? And is it to injure such a man you will 
 go down to your own grave an assassin ? " 
 
 " I'll do it," said I, doggedly—" I'll keep my oath." 
 
 " Such an oath never bound any man — it is a snare of 
 Satan." 
 
 "So it may — I'll keep it," said I ; beating the deck with 
 my foot, with the dogged determination of one not to be 
 turned from his purpose. 
 
 " Kill in cold blood a man you never saw before ? " 
 
 " Just so : I am not going to think of him, when I set so 
 little store by myself; I only wish the fellow were here now, 
 and I'd show you whether I'd falter or not." 
 
 " Poor Chico — I could weep for him ! " said he, blubbering. 
 
 " Keep your pity for we," said I ; " I, that am bound by 
 this terrible oath, and must either stamp myself a coward or 
 a murderer. As for Chico, I believe a more worthless wretch 
 / t ever existed — a poor mean-spirited creature, whose trade is 
 ^» be a spy, and by whose cursed machinations many a fine 
 fellow has been ruined." 
 
 "You are all wrong, sir," said the Paclre, warmly. "I 
 know the man myself; he is an amiable, kind-hearted being, 
 that never harmed any one." 
 
 " He's the fellow to die, then ! " said I, roughly. 
 
 *' He has a small family, unprovided for."
 
 288 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " They have the inheritance of his virtues," said I, scof- 
 fingly. 
 
 " Can you have the heart for such cruelty ? " cried he, 
 almost sobbing. 
 
 " Come with me when I land at Houston, and see — that's 
 all ! " said I. "A few minutes back I was hesitating whether 
 I would not land at this island, and abandon my purpose. 
 The weakness is now over ; I feel a kind of fiendish spirit 
 growing up within me already ; I cannot think of the fellow 
 without a sense of loathing and hatred ! " 
 
 " Lie down, my son, and compose yourself for an hour or 
 two ; sleep and rest will calm your agitated brain, and yon 
 will then listen to my counsels with profit : your present ex- 
 citement overmasters your reason, and my words would be of 
 no effect." 
 
 " I know it — I feel it here, across my temples — that it is 
 a kind of paroxysm ; but I never close my eyes that I do not 
 fancy I see the fellow, now in one shape, now in another, 
 for he can assume a thousand disguises ; while in my ears his 
 accursed name is always ringing." 
 
 " I pity you from my heart ! " said the other ; and certainly 
 a sadder expression I never saw in any human face before. 
 " But go down below — go down, I beseech you." 
 
 " I have only taken a deck-passage," said I, doggedly;— 
 " I determined that I would see no one — speak to no one." 
 
 "Nor need you, my son," said he, coaxingly. " They are 
 all sound asleep in the after- cabin — take my berth — I do not 
 want it — I am always better upon deck." 
 
 " If you will have it so," said I, yielding; " but, for your 
 life, not a word of what I have said to you ! Do not deceive 
 yourself hy any false idea of humanity. Were you to shoot 
 me where I stand, you could not save him — Jus doom is spoken. 
 If I fail, there is Broughton, and after him, a score of others, 
 sworn to do the work." 
 
 " Lie down and calm yourself," said he, leading me to the 
 companion-ladder; "we must speak of this to-morrow." 
 
 I squeezed his hand, and slowly descended to the cabin. 
 At first the thought occurred to me that he might give the 
 alarm and have me seized ; but then this would expose him 
 so palpably to my recognition, should I chance to escape, it 
 was unlikely he would do so ; the stillness on deck showed 
 me I was correct in this latter estimate, and so I turned into 
 his comfortable berth ; and while I drew the counterpane over 
 me, thought I had made a capital exchange for the hard ribs 
 of the " longr-boat."
 
 " OX BOARD OF ' THE CHBJSTOBAL.' n 239 
 
 If my stratagem had succeeded in impressing my friend 
 Chico with a most lively fear, it did not leave my own mind 
 at perfect tranquillity. I knew that he must be a fellow of 
 infinite resources, and that the game between us, in all likeli- 
 hood, had but commenced. In circumstances of difficulty, 
 I have constantly made a practice of changing places with 
 my antagonist, fancying myself in his position, and asking 
 myself how I should act? This taking the "adversary's 
 hand " is admirable practice in the game of life ; it suggests 
 an immense range of combinations, and improves one's play 
 prodigiously. 
 
 I now began to myself a little exercise after this fashion — 
 but what between previous fatigue, the warmth of the cabin, 
 and the luxury of a real bed, Chico and I changed places so 
 often, in my brain, that confusion ensued ; then came weari- 
 ness, and, at last, sound sleep ! so sound, that I was only 
 awoke by the steward, as he popped his greasy head into the 
 berth, and said, " I say, master, here we are, standing close 
 in — hadn't you better get up ? " 
 
 I did as he advised ; and, as I rubbed the sleep from my 
 eyes, said, " Where's the Padre, steward ? — what's become of 
 him ? " 
 
 " He was took ill last night, and stopped at Fork Island — 
 he'll go back with us to-morrow to Galveston." 
 
 "You know him, I suppose ? " said I, looking at the fellow 
 with a shrewd intelligence that he knew how to construe. 
 
 "Well," cried he, scratching his head; "well, mayhap I 
 do guess a bit who he is." 
 
 " So do I, steward ; and when we meet again he'll know 
 me" said I, with a look of such imposing sternness that I 
 saw the fellow was recording it. " You may tell him so, 
 steward. I'll wait for him here till I catch him ; and if he 
 escape both myself and my friend Broughton — Broughton, 
 don't forget the name — he is deeper than I give him credit 
 for." 
 
 As I was about to leave the cabin, I caught sight of the 
 corner of a red handkerchief peeping out beneath the pillow 
 of the berth. I drew it forth, and found it was Chico's 
 travelling kit, which he preferred abandoning to the risk of 
 again meeting me. It contained a small black skull-cap, such 
 as priests wear, a Romish missal, a string of beads, with a 
 few common articles of dress, and eight dollars in silver. 
 
 " The spoils of victory," quoth I, embodying the whole in 
 my own bundle — " the enemy's baggage and the military 
 ehest captured."
 
 240 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " Which is the White Hart? " said I, as I came on deck ; 
 now crowded with shore folk, porters, and waiters. 
 
 "This way, sir, — follow me," said a smart fellow in a 
 waiter's dress ; and I handed him my bundle and stepped on 
 shore. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 THE L G-H UT AT BRAZOS. 
 
 I was all impatience to see my prize ; and scarcely had I 
 entered the inn than I passed out into the stable-yard, now 
 crowded with many of those equestrian-looking figures I had 
 seen on board the steamer. 
 
 " Butcher's mare here still, Georgie ? " said a huge fellow, 
 with high boots of red-brown leather, and a sheep-skin 
 capote, belted round him with a red sash. 
 
 " Yes, Master Seth, there she stands. You'll be getting a 
 bargain of her, one of these days." 
 
 " If I had her up at Austin next week for the fair, she'd 
 bring a few hundred dollars." 
 
 " You'd never think of selling a beast like that at Austin, 
 Seth ? " said a bystander. 
 
 " Why not? Do you fancy I'll bring her into the States, 
 and see her claimed in every town of the Union ? Why, 
 man, she's been stolen once a month, that mare has, since 
 she was a two-year-old. I knew an old general up in the 
 Maine frontier had her last year ; and he rid her away from 
 a ' stump meeting ' in Vermont, in change of his own mule — 
 blind — and never know'd the differ till he was nigh home. I 
 sold her twice, myself, in one week. Scott of Muckleburg 
 stained her off fore-leg white — and sold her back, as a new 
 one, to the fellow who returned her for lameness ; and she 
 can pretend lameness — she can." 
 
 A roar of very unbelieving laughter followed this sally ; 
 but Seth resumed — 
 
 "Well, I'll lay fifty dollars with any gentleman here, that 
 she comes out of the stable dead lame, or all sound, just as I 
 bid l^r."
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BRAZOS. 241 
 
 Nobody seemed to fancy this wager ; and Seth, satisfied 
 with having established his veracity, went on — 
 
 " Yon've but to touch the coronet of the off-foot with the 
 point of your bowie — a mere touch, not draw blood — and see 
 if she won't come out, limping on the toe, all as one as a 
 dead breakdown in the coffin joint ; rub her a bit then with 
 your hand — she's all right again ! It was Wrecksley of Ohio 
 taught her the trick; he used to lame her that way, and buy 
 her in, wherever he found her." 
 
 " Who's won her this time ? " cried another. 
 
 "I have, gentlemen," said I, slapping my boot with my 
 cane, and affecting a very knowing air as I spoke. The 
 company turned round and surveyed me, some seconds, in 
 deep silence. 
 
 " You an't a goin' to ride her, young 'un ? " said one, half 
 contemptuously. 
 
 " No, he an't ? the gent's willin' to sell her," chimed in 
 another. 
 
 "He's goin' to ax me three hundred dollars," said a 
 third, "an an't I a-goin' to gi' him no more than two 
 hundred." 
 
 "You are all wrong, every man of you," said Seth. 
 " He's bringing her to England, a present for the Queen, for 
 her own ridin'." 
 
 "And I beg to say, gentlemen, that none of you have hit 
 upon the right track yet ; nor do I think it necessary to 
 correct you more fully. But as you appear to take an interest 
 in my concerns, I may mention that I shall want a hack for 
 my servant's riding — a short-legged square -jointed thing, 
 clever to go, and a good feeder, not much above fourteen 
 hands in height, or four hundred dollars in price. If you 
 chance upon this " 
 
 " I know your mark." 
 
 " My roan, with the wall-eye. You don't mind a wall- 
 eye ? " 
 
 " No, no ! mv black pony mare's the thing the gent's a 
 lookin' for." 
 
 " I say it's nothing like it," broke in Seth. " He's a- 
 wantin' a half-bred mustang, with a clown-east cross — a 
 critter to go through fire and water — liftin' the fore-legs like 
 a high-pressure piston, and with a jerk of the ' stifle,' like 
 the recoil of a brass eight-pounder. An't I near the 
 mark ? " 
 
 "Not very wide of it," said I, nodding encouragingly. 
 
 " She's at Austin now. You an't a-goin' there ? " 
 
 B
 
 242 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " Yes," said I ; '« I shall be in Austin next week." 
 
 " Well, never you make a deal, till you see my black 
 pony," cried one. 
 
 '■ Nor the roan cob," shouted another. 
 
 " He'd better see 'em 'fore he sees Split-the-wind, then, or 
 he'd not look at 'em arter," said Seth. " You've only to ask 
 for Seth Chiseller, and they'll look me up." 
 
 " You an't a-goin' to let us see Butcher's mare afore we 
 go ? " said one to the ostler. 
 
 " I an't, because I havn't got the key. She's a double- 
 locked, and the cap'n never gives it to no one, bat comes a 
 feedin' time himself, to give her corn." 
 
 After a few muttered remarks on this caution, the horse- 
 dealers sauntered out of the yard, leaving me musing over 
 what I had heard, and wondering if this excessive care of 
 the landlord boded any suspicion regarding the winner of 
 the prize. 
 
 " Jist draw that bolt across the gate, there, will ye," said 
 the ostler, while he produced a huge key from his pocket. 
 " I know 'em well, them gents. A man must have fourteen 
 eyes in his head, and have 'em back and front too, that 
 shows 'em a horse beast ! Darn me coarse ! if they can't 
 gi' 'un a blood spavin in a squirt of tobacco ! Let's see your 
 ticket, young master, and I'll show you Charcoal — that's her 
 name." 
 
 " Here it is," said I, " signed by the agent at Galveston, 
 all right and regular." 
 
 " The cap'n must see to that. I only want to know that 
 ye have the number. Yes, that's it : now stand a bit on one 
 side. Ye'll see her, when she comes out." 
 
 He entered the stable as he spoke, and scon re-appeared, 
 leading a tall mare, fully sixteen hands high, and black as jet; 
 a single white star on her forehead, and a dash of white across 
 the tail, being the only marks on her. She was bursting with 
 condition and both in symmetry and action a splendid creature. 
 
 " An't she a streak of lightnin', and no mistake ? " said 
 he, gazing on her with rapture. " An't she glibber to move 
 nor a wag of a comet's tail, when he's taking a lark round 
 the moon ? There's hocks ! there's pasterns ! Show me a 
 gal with ankles like 'em, and look at her, here ! An't she a- 
 made for sittin' on ? " 
 
 I entered into all his raptures. She was faultless in every 
 point — save, perhaps, that in looking at you she would throw 
 her eye backwards, and show a little bit too much of the 
 white. I remarked this to the ostler.
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BRAZOS. 243 
 
 " The only fault she has," said he, shaking his head ; " she 
 mistrusts a body always, and so, she's eternally a lookin' 
 back, and a gatherin' up her quarters, and a holdin' of her 
 tail tight in ; but for that, she's a downright reg'lar beauty, 
 and for stride and bottom, there ain't her equal nowhere." 
 
 "Her late master was unlucky, I've heard," said I, in 
 sinuatingly. 
 
 " He was so far unlucky that he couldn't sit his beast 
 over a torrent and a down leap. He would hold her in, and 
 she won't bear it at a spring, and so she flung him before she 
 took the leap, and when she lit, t'other side, with her head 
 high and her hind legs under her, he was a sittin' with his'n 
 under his arm, and his neck bruck — that was the way o' it. 
 See now, master, if ever ye do want a great streak out of 
 her, leave the head free a bit, press her wi' your calves, and 
 give a right down reg'lar halloo— ha ! like a Mexican chap 
 —then, she'll do it!" 
 
 The ostler found me a willing listener, either when dwell- 
 ing on the animal's perfections, or suggesting hints for her 
 future management ; and when at last both these themes 
 were tolerably exhausted, he proceeded to show me the 
 horse-gear of saddle, and bridle, and halter, and holsters, all 
 handsomely finished in Mexican taste, and studded with 
 brass nails in various gay devices. At last, he produced the 
 rifle, a regular Kentucky one, of Colt's making : and what 
 he considered a still greater prize, a bell-mouthed thing, half 
 horse-pistol, half blunderbuss, which he called "a almighty 
 fine ' Haider's Ferry tool,' that would throw thirty bullets 
 through an oak panel two inches thick." 
 
 It was evident that he looked upon the whole equipment 
 as worthy of the most exalted possession, and he gazed on 
 me as one whose lot was indeed to be envied. 
 
 " Seth and the others leave this to-morrow a'ternoon," said 
 he, " but if ye be a-goin' to Austin, where the ' Spedeshin' 
 puts up, take my advice, and get away before 'em. You've 
 a fine road — no trouble to find the way ; your beast will 
 carry you forty, fifty, if you want it, sixty miles between 
 sunrise and 'down;' and you'll be snug over the journey 
 before they reach Killian's Mill, the half-way. An' if ye 
 want to know why I say so, it's just because that's too 
 good a beast to tempt a tramper wi', and them's all 
 trampers ! " 
 
 I gave the ostler a dollar for all his information and 
 civility, and re-entered the inn to have my supper. The cap'n 
 had already returned home, and after verifying my ticket, 
 
 e 2
 
 244 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 took my receipt for the mare, which I gave in all form, writing 
 my name " Con Cregan," as though it were to a cheque for & 
 thousand pounds. 
 
 I supped comfortably, and then walked out to the stable to 
 see Charcoal. " Get her corn : you'll see if she don't eat it 
 in less than winkiii'," said the ostler ; " and if she wor my 
 beast, she'd never taste another feed till she had her nose ia 
 the manger at Croft's Gulley." 
 
 " And where is Croft's Gully ? " 
 
 " It's the bottoms after you pass the larch wood ; the road 
 dips a bit, and is heavy there, and it's a good baitin' place,, 
 just eighteen miles from here." 
 
 " On the road to Austin ? " 
 
 He nodded. "Ye see," he said, "the moon's a risin'j 
 there's no one out this time. Ye know what I said afore." 
 
 " I'll take the advice, then. Get the traps ready ; I'll pack 
 the saddle-bags, and set out." 
 
 If any one had asked me, " why I was in such haste to 
 reach Austin?" my answer would have been to join the 
 expedition; and if interrogated, "with what object then?" 
 I should have been utterly dumbfoundered. Little as I knew 
 of its intentions, they must all have been above the range of 
 my ability and means to participate in. True, I had a horse 
 and a rifle ; but there was the end of my worldly possessions, 
 not to say that my title, even to these, admitted of litigation. 
 A kind of vague notion possessed me, that once up with the 
 expedition, I should find my place " somewhere " — a very 
 Irish idea of a responsible situation. I trusted to the " making 
 myself generally useful' category for employment, and, to a 
 ready- wittedness never cramped nor restrained by the petty 
 prejudices of a conscience. 
 
 The love of enterprise and adventure is conspicuous 
 among the springs of action in Irish life, occasionally de- 
 veloping a Wellesley or a Captain Rock. Peninsular glories 
 and predial outrage have just the same one origin — a love of 
 distinction, and a craving desire for the enjoyment of that 
 most fascinating of all excitements — whatever perils life. 
 
 Without this element, pleasure soon palls ; without the 
 cracked skulls and fractured " femurs," fox-hunting would be 
 mere galloping — a review might vie with a battle, if they 
 fire blank cartridge in both ! Who'd climb the Peter Bot, or 
 cross the "petit mulets " of Mont Blanc, if it were not that 
 a false step or a totter would send him down a thousand 
 fathoms into the deep gorge below. This playing hide and 
 seek with Death seems to have a great charm, and is
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BftAZOS. 245 
 
 very possibly the attraction some folks feel in playing in- 
 valid, and passing their lives amid black draughts and blue 
 lotions ! 
 
 I shrewdly snspect this luxury of tempting peril distin- 
 guishes man from the whole of the other animal creation ; and 
 if we were to examine it a little, we should see that it opens 
 the way to many of his highest aspirings and most noble 
 enterprises. Now, let not the gentle reader ask, " Does 
 Mr. Cregan include horse-stealiug in the list of these heroic 
 darings ? " Believe me, he does not; he rather regarded the 
 act of appropriation in the present case in the light some 
 noble lords did when voting away church property — " a hard 
 necessity, but preferable to being mulct oneself! " "With 
 many a thought like this, I rode out into the now silent town, 
 and took my way towards Austin. 
 
 It is a strange thing to find oneself, in a foreign land, 
 thousands of miles from home, alone, and at night ! the sense 
 of isolation is almost overwhelming. So long as daylight 
 lasts, the stir of the busy world, and the business of life, ward 
 off these thoughts — the novelty of the scene even combats 
 them ; but when night has closed in, and we see above us the 
 stars that we have known in other lands, the self-same moon 
 by whose light we wandered years ago, and then look around 
 and mark the features of a new world, with objects which tell 
 of another hemisphere ; and then think that we are there, 
 alone, without tie or link to all around us, the sensation is 
 thrilling in its intensity. 
 
 Every one of us — the least imaginative even — will associate 
 the strangeness of a foreign scene with something of that 
 adventure of which he has read in his childhood ; and we 
 people vacancy, as we go, with images to suit the spot in our 
 own country. The little pathway along the river side sug- 
 gests the lovers' walk at sunset, as surely as the dark grove 
 speaks of a woodman's hut, or a gipsy camp. But abroad, 
 the scene evokes different dwellers ; the Sierra suggests the 
 brigand ; the thick jungle the jaguar or the rattlesnake ; the 
 heavy plash in the muddy river is the sound of the cayman ; 
 and the dull roar, like wind within a cavern, is the cry of the 
 hungry lion. The presence around us of objects of which we 
 have read long ago, but never expected to see, is highly ex- 
 citing ; it is like taking our place among the characters of a 
 story, and investing us with an interest to ourselves, as the 
 hero of some unwrought history. 
 
 This is the most fascinating of all castle-building, since wo 
 have a spot for an edifice — a territory actually given to us.
 
 21G THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 I thought long upon this theme, and wondered to what I 
 was yet destined, — whether to some condition of real 
 eminence, or to move on among that vulgar herd who are the 
 spectators of life, but never its conspicuous actors. I really 
 believe this ignoble course was more distasteful to me from 
 its flatness and insipidity, than from its mere humility. It 
 seemed so devoid of all interest — so tame and so monotonous 
 — I would have chosen peril and vicissitude any day in pre- 
 ference. About midnight I reached Croft's Gulley, where, 
 after knocking for some time, a very sulky old negro admitted 
 me into a stable while I baited my mare. The house was 
 shut up for the night, and even had I sought refreshment 1 
 could not have obtained it. 
 
 After a brief halt, I again resumed the road, which led 
 through a close pine forest, and, however much praised, was 
 anything but a good surface to travel on. " Charcoal," how- 
 ever, made light of such difficulties, and picked her steps 
 over holes and stumps with the caution of a trapper, detecting 
 with a rare instinct the safe ground, and never venturing on 
 spots where any difficulty or danger existed. I left her to 
 herself, and it was curious to see that whenever a short inter- 
 val of better footway intervened, she would, as if to " make 
 play," as the jockeys call it, strike out in a long swinging 
 canter, "pulling up" to the walk the moment the uneven 
 surface admonished her to caution. 
 
 As day broke the road improved, so that I was able to 
 push along at a better pace, and by breakfast- time I found 
 myself at a low, poor-looking log-house, called " Brazos." A 
 picture, representing Texas as a young child receiving some 
 admirable counsel from a very matronly lady with thirteen 
 stars on her petticoat, flaunted over the door, with the motto, 
 " Filial Affection, and Candy Flip at all hours." 
 
 A large dull-eyed man, in a flannel pea-jacket and loose 
 trousers k> match, was seated in a rocking-chair at the door, 
 smoking an enormous cigar, a little charmed circle of ex- 
 pectoration seeming to defend him from the assaults of the 
 vulgar. A huge can of cider stood beside him, and a piece 
 of Indian corn bread. He eyed me with the coolest uncon- 
 cern as I dismounted, nor did he show the slightest sign of 
 welcome. 
 
 " This is an inn, I believe, friend ? " said I, saluting 
 him. 
 
 " I take it to be a hotel," said he, in a voice very like a 
 yawn. 
 
 "And the landlord — where is he? "
 
 TUB LOG-HUT AT BRAZOS. Z47 
 
 Where be ought to be — at his own door, a smokiii' hi3 
 
 *o 
 
 " Is there an ostler to be found ? I want to refresh my 
 horse, and get some breakfast for myself too." 
 
 " There an't none." 
 
 " No help ? " 
 
 " Never was." 
 
 " That's singular, I fancy." 
 
 " No it an't." 
 
 " Why, what do travellers do with their cattle, then ? " 
 
 " There bean't none." 
 
 " No cattle ? " 
 
 " No travellers." 
 
 " No travellers ! and this the high road between two con- 
 siderable towns ! " 
 
 "It an't. " 
 
 " Why, surely this is the road to Austin ? " 
 
 " It an't." 
 • " Then this is not Brazos ? " 
 
 " It be Upper Brazos." 
 
 " There are two of them, then ; and the other, I suppose, 
 is on the Austin road ? " 
 
 He nodded. 
 
 " What a piece of business ! " sighed I ; " and how far 
 have I come astray ? " 
 
 "A good bit." 
 
 " A mile or two ? " 
 
 " Twenty." 
 
 " Will you be kind enough to be a little more communi- 
 cative, and just say where this road leads to; if I can join 
 the Austin road without turning back again ; and where ? " 
 
 Had I propounded any one of these queries, it is just pos- 
 sible I might have had an answer ; but, in my zeal, I outwitted 
 myself. I drew my cheque for too large an amount, and 
 consequently was refused payment altogether. 
 
 " Well," said I, after a long and vain wait for an answer, 
 " What am I to do with my horse ? There is a stable, I hope ? " 
 
 " There an't," said he, with a grunt. 
 
 "So that I can't bait my beast ? " 
 
 " No ! " 
 
 " Bad enough ! can I have something to eat myself ? a cup 
 of coffee ?" 
 
 A rude burst of laughter stopped me, and the flannel man 
 actually shook with the drollery of his own thoughts. " It 
 bean't Astor House, I reckon! " said he, wiping his eyes.
 
 2-iS THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 " Not very like it, certainly," said I, smiling. 
 
 " What o' that ? Who says it ought to be like it ? " said 
 he, and his fishy eyes flared np, and his yellow cheeks grew 
 orange with anger. " I an't very like old Hickory, I s'pose ! 
 and maybe I don't want to be ! I'm a free Texan! I an't a 
 nigger nor a blue nose ! I an't one of your old country slaves, 
 that black King George's boots, and ask leave to pay his 
 taxes! I an't." 
 
 " And I," said I, assuming an imitation of his tone, for 
 experiment's sake ; " I am no laz}^, rocking-chair, whittling, 
 tobacco-chewing Texan ! but a traveller, able and willing to 
 pay for his accommodation, and who will have it, too ! " 
 
 " Will ye ? Will ye, then ? " cried he, springing up with an 
 agility I could not have believed possible ; while, rushing 
 into the hut, he reappeared with a long Kentucky rifle, and 
 a bayonet a-top of it. " Ye han't long to seek yer man, if ye 
 want a flash of powder ! Come out into the bush and ' see 
 it out,' I say ! " 
 
 The tone of this challenge was too insulting not to call for 
 at least the semblance of acceptance, and so, fastening my 
 mare to a huge staple beside the door, I unslung my rifle, and 
 cried, " Come along, my friend, I'm quite ready for you ! " 
 
 Nothing daunted at my apparent willingness, he threw 
 back the hammer of his lock, and said, " Hark ye, young 
 un ; ! You can't give me a cap or two ? mine are considerable 
 rusty! " 
 
 The request was rather singular, but its oddity was its 
 success ; and so, opening a small case in the stock of my rifle, 
 I gave him some. 
 
 " Ah, them's real chaps — the true c tin jackets,' as we used 
 to say at St. Louis ! " cried he, his tongue seeming wonder- 
 folly loosened by the theme. " Now, lad, let's see if one of 
 your bullets fit this bore ; she's a heavy one, and carries 
 twenty to the pound ; and I've nothing in her now but some 
 loose chips of iron for the bears." 
 
 Loose chips of iron for the bears ! thought I ; did ever 
 mortal hear such a barbarian ! "You don't fancy, friend, I 
 came here to supply you with lead and powder, to be used upon 
 myself, too ! I supposed, when you asked me to come out 
 into the bush, that you had everything a gentleman ought to 
 have for such a purpose." 
 
 " Well, I never seed the like of that ! " exclaimed he, 
 striking the ground with the butt end of his piece. " If we 
 don't stand at four guns' length " 
 
 " We'll do no such thing, friend," said I, shouldering my
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BRAZOS. 249 
 
 piece, and advancing towards him. " I never meant to offend 
 you \ nor have yon any object in wounding, mayhap, killing 
 me. Let me have something to eat ; I'll pay for it freely, and 
 go my ways." 
 
 "What on airth, is it, eh?" said he. looking puzzled. 
 '* Why, that's one of Colt's rifles ! you'd have picked me down 
 at two hundred yards, sure as my name is Gabriel." 
 
 " I know it," said I, cooly ; " and how much the better or 
 the happier should I have been, had I done so ? " I watched 
 the fellow's pasty countenance as though I could read what 
 passed in the muddy bottom of his mind. 
 
 " If it were not for something of this kind," added I, 
 sorrowfully, " I should not be here to-day. You know New 
 Orleans ? " — he nodded — " well, perhaps you know Ebenezer 
 York?" 
 
 " The senator ? " 
 
 " The same ! " — I made the pantomime of presenting a 
 pistol, and then of a man falling — "just so. His brothers 
 have taken up the pursuit, and so I came down into this 
 quarter till the smoke cleared off!" 
 
 " He was a plumper at a hundred and twenty yards. I 
 seen him double up Gideon Millis, of Ohio." 
 
 " Ah ! 1 could recount many a thing of the kind to you," 
 said I, leading the way towards the hut, " but my throat is so 
 dry, and I feel so confoundedly weary just now " 
 
 " That's cider," said he, pointing to the crock. 
 
 I didn't wait for a more formal invitation, but carried it to 
 my lips, and so held it for full a couple of minutes. 
 
 ''Ye wor drouthy, — that's a fact!" said he, peering into 
 the low watermark of the vessel. 
 
 " You hav'n't got any more bread? " said I, appropriating 
 his own. 
 
 "If I hadn't, ye'd not have got that so easy, lad!" said he, 
 with a grin. 
 
 " And now for my mare ; you see she's a good one " 
 
 " Good as if she belonged to a richer master!" said he, 
 with a peculiar leer of the eye. "I know her well ! Knowed 
 her a foal ! Ah, Charry, Miss ! do you forget the way to take 
 off your saddle with your teeth ? " and he patted the creature 
 with a nearer approach to kindness than I believed he was 
 capable of. 
 
 I will not dwell upon the little arts I employed to con- 
 ciliate my friend Gabriel, nor stop to say how 1 managed to 
 procure some Indian corn-meal for my horse, and the addition 
 of a very tough piece of dried beef to my own meagre break-
 
 250 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 fast. I conclude the reader will be as eager to escape from his 
 society as I was myself; nor had I ever thrown him into such 
 unprofitable acquaintanceship, were there other means of 
 explaining how first I wandered from the right path, and by 
 what persuasions I was influenced in not returning to it. 
 
 If Gabriel's history was not very entertaining, it was at 
 least short, so far as its catastrophe went. He was a Ken- 
 tucky *« bounty man," who had taken into his head to fight a 
 duel with a companion with whom he was returning froniNew 
 York. He killed his antagonist, buried him, and was wend- 
 ing his way homeward with the watch and other property of 
 the deceased, to restore to his friends, when he was arrested 
 at Little Rock, and conveyed to gaol. He was tried, found 
 guilty, and sentenced to death, but made his escape the night 
 before the execution was to have taken place. His adven- 
 tures from the Arkansas river till the time he found himself 
 in Texas were exciting in a high degree, and, even with his 
 own telling, not devoid of deep interest. Since his location in 
 the One-star Republic, he had tried various things, but all 
 had failed with him. His family, who followed him, died off 
 by the dreadful intermittents of the bush, leaving him alone 
 to doze through the remainder of existence between the half- 
 consciousness of his fall and the stupid insensibility of 
 debauch. There was but one theme could stir the dark 
 embers of his nature ; and when he had quitted that, the 
 interest of life seemed to have passed away, and he relapsed 
 into his dreamy indifference to both present and future. 
 
 How he contrived to eke out subsistence was difficult to 
 conceive. To the tavern he had been almost the only cus- 
 tomer, and in succession consumed the little stores his poor 
 wife had managed to accumulate. He appeared to feel a 
 kind of semi-consciousness that if " bears did not fall in his 
 way," during the winter it might go hard with hira ; and he 
 pointed to four mounds of earth behind the log-hut, and said 
 that "the biggest would soon be alongside of 'em." 
 
 As the heat of midday was too great to proceed in, I learned 
 from him thus much of his own story, and some particulars of 
 the road to Bexar, whither I had now resolved on proceeding, 
 since, according to his opinion, that afforded me a far better 
 chance of coming up with the expedition than by following 
 their steps to Austin. 
 
 " Had you come a few hours earlier to day," said he, " you 
 could have joined company with a Friar who is travelling to 
 Bexar ; but you'll easily overtake him, as he travels with a 
 little waggon and a sick woman. They are making a pilgrim-
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BRAZOS. 251 
 
 age to the saints there for her health. They have two lazy 
 mules and a half-breed driver, that wont work miracles on the 
 roads, whatever the Virgin may after ! You'll soon come up 
 with them, if Charry's like what she used to be." 
 
 This intelligence was far from displeasing to me. I longed 
 for some companionship ; and that of a Friar, if not very 
 promising as to amusement, had at least the merit of safety — 
 no small charm in such a land as I then sojourned in. I 
 learned besides that he was an Irishman, who had come out 
 as a missionary among the Choctaws, and that he was well 
 versed in prairie life, — that he spoke many of the Indian 
 dialects, and knew the various trails of these pathless wilds 
 like any trapper of them all. 
 
 Such a fellow-traveller would be indeed a prize ; and as 
 I saddled my mare to follow him, I felt lighter at heart than 
 I had done for a long time previous. " And his name r " 
 said L 
 
 " It is half-Mexican by this. They call him Fra Miguel 
 up at Bexar." 
 
 " Now then for Fra Miguel ! " cried I, springing into my 
 saddle ; and with a frank " Good-bye/' took the road to Bexar. 
 
 I rode along with a light heart, my way leading through a 
 forest of tall beech and alder trees, whose stems were en- 
 circled by the twining tendrils of the " Liana," which often- 
 times spanned the space overhead, and tempered the noonday 
 sun by its delicious shade. Birds of gay plumage and strange 
 note hopped from branch to branch, while hares and rabbits 
 sat boldly on the grassy road, and scarcely cared to move at 
 my approach. The crimsoned-winged bustard — the swallow- 
 tailed woodpecker, with his snowy breast — and that most 
 beautiful of all, the lazuli finch, whose colour would shame 
 the blue waters of the Adriatic, chirped and fluttered on 
 every side. The wild squirrel, too, swung by his tail and 
 jerked himself from bough to bough, in all the confidence of 
 unmolested liberty; while even the deer, timid without 
 danger, stood and gazed at me as I went, doubtless con- 
 gratulating themselves that they were not born to be beasts 
 of burden. 
 
 There was so much novelty to me in all around, that the 
 monotonous character of the scene never wearied ; for, 
 although as far as human companionship was concerned, 
 nothing could be more utterly solitary and desolate, yet 
 the abundance of animal life, the bright tints of plumage, 
 and the strange concert of sound, afforded an unceasing in- 
 terest.
 
 252 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CLEGAN. 
 
 Occasionally I came upon the charred fragments of fire, 
 wood, with other signs indicative of a bivouac, showing 
 where some hunting party had halted; but these, with a 
 chance wheel-track, were all the evidence that travellers had 
 ever passed that way. The instincts of the human heart are, 
 after all, linked to companionship, and, although it was but a 
 few hours since I had parted with " mine host " of Brazos, I 
 began to conceive a most anxious desire for the society of a 
 fellow-traveller. I had pushed " Charcoal" for some time in 
 the hope of overtaking the Friar, but not only without suc- 
 cess, but even without coming upon any recent tracks that 
 should show where the party passed. I could not have mis- 
 taken the road, since there was but one through the forest ; 
 and at last I became uneasy lest I should not reach some 
 place of shelter for the night, and obtain refreshment for 
 myself and my horse. From the time that these thoughts 
 crossed my mind, all relish for the scene and its strange 
 associations departed. A scarlet jay might have perched 
 upon my saddle-bow unmolested ; a " whip-poor-will" might 
 have chanted her note from my hat or my holsters un- 
 minded; the antlered stags did indeed graze me as they 
 went, without my once remembering that I was the owner of 
 one of " Colt's " " sharp bores," so intent I had grown upon 
 the topic of personal safety. What, if I had gone astray? 
 "What, if I fell in with the Choctaws, who often came within 
 a few miles of Austin? What if " Charcoal" fell lame, or 
 even tired ? What if but why enumerate all the suspi- 
 cions that when chased away on one side invariably came 
 back on the other ? There was not an incident, from a 
 sprained ankle to actual starvation, that I did not rehearse ; 
 and, like that respected authority who spent his days specu- 
 lating what he should do " if he met a white bear," I threw 
 myself into so many critical situations and embarrassing 
 conjectures, that my head ached with overtaxed ingenuity to 
 escape from them. 
 
 iEsop's fables have much to answer for. The attributing 
 the gift of speech to animals by way of characterizing their 
 generic qualities, takes a wondrous hold upon the mind; and 
 as for me, I held " imaginary conversations" with every- 
 thing that flew or bounded past. From the green lizard 
 that scaled the shining cork trees to the lazy toad that 
 flopped heavily into the water, I had a word for all — ay, and 
 thought they answered me, too. 
 
 Some, I fancied, chirped pleasantly and merrily, as though 
 to say, " Go it, Con, my hearty — ' Charry' has stride and
 
 THE LOG- HUT AT BRAZOS. 253 
 
 wind for many a mile yet." Some, with a wild scream, 
 would seem to utter a cry of surprise at the pace, as if say- 
 ing, " Ruffle my feathers, if Con's not in a hurry." An old 
 owl, with a horseshoe wig, looked shocked at my impetuosity, 
 and shook his wise head in grave rebuke ; while a fat asth- 
 matic frog nearly choked with emotion as I hurled the small 
 pebbles into his bath of cluck- weed. How strange would 
 life be, reduced to such companionship, thought I. Would 
 one gradually sink down to the level of this animal existence, 
 such as it appears now, or would one elevate the inferior 
 animal to some equality of intelligence ? 
 
 The solitude which a short time previous had suggested — I 
 know not how many ! — bright imaginings, presented now the 
 one sad, unvarying reflection — desolation; and it had almost 
 become a doubtful point whether I should not at once turn 
 my horse's head and make for Upper Brazos and its gruff 
 host of the log-house, rather than brave a night " al fresco " 
 in the forest. It was just at the moment that this question 
 became mooted in my mind, that I perceived the faint track 
 of a wheel on the short grass of the pathway. I dismounted 
 and examined it closely, and soon discovered its counterpart 
 on the other side of the road, and with a little further search 
 I could detect the foot-marks of two horses evidently un- 
 shod. 
 
 Inspired with fresh courage by these signs, I spurred 
 C harry to a sharper stride, and for above two hours rode- 
 on, each turning of the road suggesting the hope of coming 
 up with the Friar, who evidently journeyed at a brisker pace 
 than I had anticipated. The sailor's adage says that " a 
 stern chase is a long chase," and so it is, whether it be on 
 land or sea — whether the pursuit be to overtake a flying 
 Frenchman or Fortune ! 
 
 The sun had sunk beneath the tops of the tall trees, and 
 only streamed through, in chance lines of light, upon the 
 road, when suddenly I found myself upon the verge of an 
 abrupt descent, at the bottom of which ran a narrow but 
 rapid river. These great fissures, by which the mountain 
 streams descend to join the larger rivers, are very common 
 in Texas and throughout the region which borders on the 
 Rocky Mountains, and form one of the greatest impediments, 
 to travelling in these tracts. 
 
 As I gazed upon the steep descent, to have scrambled down 
 which, even on foot, would have been dangerous and difficult 
 enough, I remembered that I had passed, about half an hour 
 before, a spot where the road " forked " off into two separate
 
 254 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 directions, and at once resumed my march to this place, 
 where I had the satisfaction of perceiving that the grass was 
 yet rising under the recent passage of a waggon. A short and 
 sharp canter down a gentle slope brought me once more in 
 sight of the stream, and, of what was far nearer to my hopes, 
 the long looked-for party with the Friar. 
 
 The scene I now beheld was sufficiently striking for a 
 picture. About fifty feet beneath where I stood, and on the 
 bank of a boiling, foaming torrent, was a waggon, drawn by 
 two large horses : a covering of canvas formed an awning over 
 head, and curtains of the same material closed the sides. A 
 large, powerful -looking Mexican stood beating the stream 
 with a great pole, while the Friar, with his robes tucked up so 
 as to display a pair of enormous naked legs, assisted in this 
 singular act of flagellation, from time to time addressing a hasty 
 prayer to a small image, which I perceived he had hung up 
 against the canvas covering. The noise of the rushing water, 
 and the crashing sound of the sticks, prevented my hearing 
 the voices, which were most volubly exerted all the while, 
 and which, by accustoming myself to the din, I at last per- 
 ceived were used in exhorting the horses to courage. The 
 animals, however, gave no token of returning confidence, nor 
 showed the slightest inclination to advance. On the con- 
 trary, whenever led forward a pace or two, they invariably 
 sprang back with a bound that threatened to smash their 
 tackle or upset the waggon ; nor was it without much caressing 
 and encouragement that they would stand quiet again. Mean- 
 while, the Friar's exertions were redoubled at every moment, 
 and both his prayers and his thrashings became more ani- 
 mated. Indeed, it was curious to watch with what agility 
 his bulky figure alternated from the work of beating the 
 water to gesticulating before " the Virgin." Now, as I 
 looked, a small corner of the canvas curtain was moved 
 aside, and a hand appeared, which even without the large 
 straw fan it carried, might have been pronounced a female 
 one. This, however, was speedily withdrawn on some obser- 
 vation from the Friar, and the curtain was closed rigidly as 
 before. 
 
 All my conjectures as to this singular proceeding being in 
 vain. I resolved to join the party, towards whom I perceived 
 the road led by a slightly circuitous descent. 
 
 Cautiously wending my way down this slope, which grew 
 steeper as I advanced, I had scarcely reached the river side, 
 when I was perceived by the party. Both the Friar and his 
 follower ceased their performance on the instant, and cast
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BEAZOS. 255 
 
 their eyes upwards to the road with a glance that showed 
 they were on " the ]ook-out " for others. They even changed 
 their position to have a better view of the path, and seemed 
 as if finable to persuade themselves that 1 could be alone. 
 To my salutation, which I made by courteously removing my 
 hat and bowing low, they offered no return, and looked — as 
 I really believe they were — far too much surprised at my 
 sudden appearance to afford me any signs of welcome. As 
 I came nearer, I could see that the Friar made the circuit of 
 the waggon, and, as if casually, examined the curtains, and 
 then, satisfied " that all was right," took his station by the 
 head of his beasts, and waited for my approach. 
 
 " Good day, Senhor Caballero," said the Friar, in Spanish, 
 while the Mexican looked at the lock of his long-barrelled 
 rifle, and retired a couple of paces, with a gesture of guarded 
 caution. 
 
 " Good evening, rather, Father," said I, in English. " I 
 have ridden hard to come up with you for the last twenty 
 miles." 
 
 " From the States ? " said the Friar, approaching me, but 
 with no peculiar evidences of pleasure at hearing his native 
 language. 
 
 " From your own country, Fra Miguel," said I, boldly ; " an 
 Irishman." 
 
 " And how are you travelling here ? " said he, still preserving 
 his previous air of caution and reserve. 
 
 " A mistake of the road ! " said I, confidently ; for already 
 I had invented my last biographical sketch. " I was on the 
 way to Austin, whither I had despatched my servants and 
 baggage, when accidentally taking the turn to Upper Brazos 
 instead of the lower one, I found myself some twenty miles 
 off my track before I knew of it. I should have turned back 
 when I discovered my error, but that I heard that a Friar, a 
 countryman too, had just set out towards Bexar. This intelli- 
 gence at once determined me to continue my way, which I 
 rejoice to find has been so far successful." 
 
 To judge from the "Padre's" face, the pleasure did not 
 appear reciprocal. He looked at me and the wagon alter- 
 nately, and then he cast his eyes towards the Mexican, who, 
 understanding nothing of English, was evidently holding 
 himself ready for any measures of a hostile character. 
 
 " Going to Austin! " at last said the Friar. " You are a 
 merchant, then ? " 
 
 " No," said I, smiling superciliously; "I am a mere 
 traveller for pleasure, my object being to make a tour of the
 
 256 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 prairies, and by some of the Mexican cities, before my return 
 to Europe." 
 
 " Heaven guide and protect you," said lie ferventty, with 
 a wave of his hand like leave-taking. " This is not a land 
 to wander in after night-fall. You are well mounted, and a 
 good rider ; push on then, my sou, and you'll reach Bexar 
 before the moon sets." 
 
 " If that be your road, Father," said I, " as speed is no 
 object with me, I'd rather join company with you than pro- 
 ceed alone." 
 
 " Ahem ! " said he, looking confused ; "I am going to 
 Bexar, it is true, Senhor ! but my journey is of the slowest ; 
 the waggon is heavy, and a sick companion whom it contains 
 cannot travel fast. Go, then, ' con Dios ! ' and we may meet 
 again at our journey's end." 
 
 " My mare has got quite enough of it ! " said I ; my desire 
 to remain with him being trebled by his exertions to get rid 
 of me. " When I overtook you, I was determining to dis- 
 mount and spare my beast ; so that your pace will not in the 
 least inconvenience me." 
 
 The Padre, instead of replying to me, addressed some words 
 to the Mexican in Spanish, which, whatever they were, the 
 other only answered by a sharp slap of his palm on the stock 
 of his rifle, and a very significant glance at his girdle, where 
 a large bowie knife glittered in all the freedom of its un- 
 sheathed splendour. As if not noticing this pantomime, I 
 drew forth my " Harper's Ferry pistol " from the holster, and 
 examined the priming. A little bit of display I had the satis- 
 faction to perceive was not thrown away on either the Friar 
 or the layman. At a word from the former, however, tho 
 latter began once again his operations with the pole; the 
 Friar resuming his place beside the cattle, as if totally for* 
 getful of my presence there. 
 
 " May I ask the object of this proceeding, Father," said I,. 
 " which, unless it be a • devotional exercise,' is perfectly un- 
 accountable to me." 
 
 The Padre looked at me without speaking ; but the sly 
 drollery of his eye showed that he would have had no objec- 
 tion to bandy a jest with me, were the time and place more 
 fitting. " I perceive," said he, at length, " that you have not 
 journeyed in this land, or you would have known that at this; 
 season the streams abound with caymans and alligators, 
 and that when the cattle have been once attacked by them, 
 they have no courage to cross a river after. Their instinct, 
 however, teaches them that beating the waters ensures safety „
 
 THE LOG-HUT AT BRAZOS. 257 
 
 and many a Mexican horse will not go knee deep without this 
 ceremony being performed." 
 
 " I see that your cattle are unusually tired in the present 
 case," said I, "for you have been nigh half an hour here to 
 my own knowledge." 
 
 "Look at that black mare's fore leg, and you'll see why," 
 said he, pointing to a deep gash which laid bare the white 
 tendons for some inches in length, while a deep pool of blood 
 flowed around the animal's hoof. 
 
 A cry from the Mexican here broke in upon our colloquy, 
 as throwing down his pole, he seized his rifle, and dropped 
 upon one knee in the attitude of defence. 
 
 " What is it, Sancho ? " cried the Friar. 
 
 A few words of guttural followed, and the Padre said it 
 was a large alligator that had just carried off a chiguire, a 
 wild pig, under the water with him. This stream is a tribu- 
 tary of the Colloredo, along the banks of which these creatures' 
 eggs are found in thousands ! 
 
 My blood ran cold at the horrid thought of being attacked 
 by such animals, and I readily volunteered my assistance at 
 the single-stick exercise of my companion. 
 
 The Friar accepted my offer without much graciousness, 
 but rather as that of an unwelcome guest, who could not be 
 easily got rid of.
 
 258 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 "A NIGHT IN A FOREST OP TEXAS." 
 
 The Friar ceased his efforts, and calling the Mexican to one 
 side, whispered something in a low, cautions manner. The 
 other seemed to demur and hesitate, but, after a brief space, 
 appeared to yield ; when, replacing the poles beside the waggon, 
 he turned the horses' heads toward the road by which they had 
 just come. 
 
 " We are about to try a ford some miles farther up the 
 stream," said the Padre, " and so, we commend you to the 
 Virgin, and wish you a prosperous journey." 
 
 11 All roads are alike to me, holy Father," said I, with a 
 coolness that cost me something to assume. 
 
 "Then take the shortest, and you'll be soonest at your 
 journey's end," said he, gruffly. 
 
 " Who can say that ? " rejoined I ; " it's no difficult matter 
 to lose one's way in a dense forest, where the tracks are 
 unknown." 
 
 " There is but one path, and it cannot be mistaken," said 
 he, in the same tone. 
 
 " It has one great disadvantage, Father," said I. 
 
 "What is that?" 
 
 " There is no companionship on it ; and, to say truth, I 
 have too much of the Irishman in me to leave good company 
 for the pleasure of travelling all alone." 
 
 " Methinks you have very little of the Irishman about you, 
 in another respect," said he, with a sneer of no doubtful 
 meaning. 
 
 " How so ? " siad I, eagerly. 
 
 " In volunteering your society when it is not sought for, 
 young gentleman," said he, with a look of steadfast effrontery ; 
 " at least,-I can say, such were not the habits of the land as 
 I remember it some forty years ago." 
 
 " Ah, holy Father, it has grown out of many a barbarous 
 custom since your time ; — the people have given up drinking 
 and faction-fighting, and you may travel fifty miles a day for 
 a week together and never meet with a friar."
 
 " A NIGHT IN A FORF^T OF TEXAS." 259 
 
 M Peace be with you ! " said he, waving his hand, but with a 
 gesture it was easy to see boded more passion than patience. 
 
 I hesitated for a second what to do ; and, at last, feeling 
 that another word might perhaps endanger the victory I had 
 won, I dashed spurs into the mare's flanks, and, with the 
 shout the ostler had recommended, rushed her at the stream. 
 Ov T er she went, "like a bird," lighting on the opposite bank 
 with her hind legs " well up," and the next moment plunged 
 into the forest. 
 
 Scarcely, however, had I proceeded fifty paces than I drew 
 up. The dense wood effectually shut out the river from my 
 view, and even masked the sounds of the rushing water. A 
 suspicion dwelt on my mind, that the Friar was not going 
 back, and that he had merely concerted this plan with the 
 Mexican the easier to disembarrass himself of my company. 
 The seeming pertinacity of his purpose suggested an equal 
 obstinacy of resistance on my part. Some will doubtless say 
 that it argued very little pride, and a very weak self-esteem 
 in Con Cregan, to continue to impose his society where it 
 had been so peremptorily declined ; and so had it been, doubt- 
 less, had the scene been a great city, ruled and regulated by 
 its thousand-and-one conventionalities. But the prairies are 
 separated by something longer than mere miles from the land 
 of kid gloves and visiting tickets. Ceremonial in such lati- 
 tudes would be as unsuitable as a court suit. 
 
 Besides, I argued thus : — •" A very underdone slice of tough 
 venison, with a draught of spring water, constitute in these 
 regions a very appetizing meal ; and for the same reason, a 
 very morose friar, and a still sulkier servant, may be accepted 
 as very tolerable travelling companions. Enjoy better when 
 it can be had, Con ; but prefer even the humblest fare to a 
 famine." A rule more applicable to mental food than to 
 material. 
 
 In a little self- colloquy after this kind, I crept stealthily 
 back, leading Charry by the bridle, and halting at intervals 
 to listen. What a triumph to my skill in divination as I 
 heard the Friar's loud voice overtopping the gushing flood, 
 while he exhorted his beasts in the most energetic fashion ! 
 
 I advance4 cautiously till I gained a little clump of brush- 
 wood, from which I could see the river and the group per- 
 fectly. The Friar had now mounted the waggon, and held the 
 reins ; the Mexican was, however, standing in the stream, and 
 leading the cattle, who appeared to have regained somewhat 
 more of their courage, and were slowly proceeding, sniffing 
 timidly as they went, and pawing the water fretfully. 
 
 s 2
 
 260 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 The Mexican advanced boldly, till fclie water reached nigh 
 the top of his great botas vaqueras, immense boots of buffalo 
 hide, which, it is said, resist the bite of either cayman or 
 serpent ; and so far the horses went, doubtless from the 
 encouragement. As soon, however, as the deepening flood 
 warned the man to mount the waggon, they halted abruptly, 
 and stood pawing and splashing the stream, while their ears 
 flattened back, and their drawn-in tails evinced the terror 
 that was on them. 
 
 Objurgations — entreaties — prayers — curses — menaces — 
 were all in vain, — a step farther they would not budge. All 
 that the Spanish contained of guttural was hurled at them 
 without success — the cow-hide whip might welt their flanks 
 and leave great ridges at every stroke — the huge pole of the 
 Mexican might belabour them, with a running accompani- 
 ment of kicks, — but to no purpose. They cared as little for 
 the cow-hide as the " calendar," — neither saints nor thrash- 
 ings could persuade them to move on. Saint Anthony — 
 and Saint Ursula — Saint Forimund of Cordova, with various 
 others, were invoked to no end. Saint Clement of Capua, to 
 whom all poisonous reptiles, from boas to whipsnakes, owe 
 allegiance, was called upon to aid the travellers ; but the 
 quadrupeds took no heed of these entreaties, but showed a 
 most Protestant contempt for the whole litany. 
 
 There was a pause : wearied with flogging, and tired out 
 with vain exhortations, both Friar and Mexican ceased ; and, 
 as if in compensation to their long pent-up feelings, vented 
 their anger in a very guttural round of maledictions upon 
 the whole animal creation, and in particular on that part of 
 it who would not be eaten by alligators without signs of re- 
 sistance and opposition. Whether this new turn of events 
 had any influence, or that the matter was more owing to 
 " natural causes," I cannot say ; but, just then, the horse 
 which, had been already bitten, reared straight up, and with a 
 loud snort plunged forward, carry ing with him the other. 
 By his plunge he had reached a deep part of the stream, 
 where the water came half way up his body. Another spring 
 smashed one of the traces, and left him free to kick violently 
 behind him — a privilege he certainly hastened to avail him- 
 self of. His fellow, whether from sympathy or not, imitated 
 the performance, and there they were lashing and plunging 
 with all their might, while the waggon, against which the 
 strong current beat in all its force, threatened at every instant 
 to capsize. The Friar struggled manfully, as did his fol- 
 lower , but, unfortunately, one of the reins gave way, and by
 
 "a night in A FOREST OF TEXAS." 261 
 
 the violent tugging at the remaining one, the animals were 
 turned out of their course, and dragged round to the very 
 middle of the stream. About twenty yards lower down, the 
 river fell by a kind of cascade some ten or twelve feet, and 
 towards this spot now the infuriated horses seemed rushing. 
 Had it been practicable, a strong man might, by throwing 
 himself into the water, have caught the horses' heads and 
 held them back, but the stream swarmed with poisonous 
 reptiles, which made such an effort almost inevitable death. 
 
 It was now a scene of terrible and most exciting interest. 
 The maddened horses, alternately rising and sinking, 
 writhed and twisted in agonies of pain. The men's 
 voices mingled with the gushing torrent and the splash- 
 ing water, which rose higher and higher at each plunge, 
 while a shrill shriek from within the waggon topped all, 
 and in its cadence seemed to speak a heart torn with 
 terror. As I looked, the sun had set, and as speedily as 
 though a curtain had fallen, the soft light of evening gave 
 way to a grey darkness. I rode down to the bank, and as J. 
 reached it, one of the horses, after a terrific struggle to 
 get free, plunged head foremost down and disappeared. 
 The other, unable by himself alone to resist the weight of 
 the waggon, which already was floating in the stream, swung 
 round with the torrent, and was now dragging along toward 
 the cataract. The dusky indistinctness even added to the 
 terror of the picture, as the white water splashed up on every 
 side, and at times seemed actually to cover the whole party in 
 its scattering foam. The Friar, now leaning back, tore open 
 one of the curtains, and at the same instant I saw a female 
 arm stretch out and clasp him, while a shrill cry burst forth 
 that thrilled to my very heart. 
 
 They were already within a few yards of the cataract : a 
 moment or two more they must be over it and lost ! I spurred 
 Charry forward, and down we plunged into the water, without 
 the slightest thought of what was to follow. Half swimming, 
 half bounding, I reached the waggon, which now, broadside 
 on the falls, tottered with every stroke of the fast rolling 
 river. The Mexican was standing on the pole, and endea- 
 vouring to hold back the horse ; while the Friar, ripping 
 the canvas with his knife, was endeavouring to extricate 
 the female figure, who, sunk on her knees, seemed utterly 
 incapable of any effort for her own safety. 
 
 Whether maddened by the bite of some monster beneath 
 the water, or having lost his footing, I know not, but thu 
 horse went over the falls, while the Mexican, vainly endea-
 
 262 TPIE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 von ring to hold him, was carried down with him ; the waggon, 
 reeling with the shock, heeled over to the side, and was fast 
 sinking, when I caught hold of the outstretched hand of the 
 woman, and drew her towards me. " Leap — spring towards 
 him," cried the Friar; and she obeyed the words, and with a 
 bound, seated herself behind me. 
 
 Breasting the water bravely, Charry bounded on, and in 
 less than a minute reached the bank, which the Friar, by the 
 aid of a leaping-pole, had gained before us. 
 
 Having placed the half-lifeless girl on the sward, I hastened 
 to see after the poor Mexican. Alas ! of him and the horse 
 we never saw trace afterwards. We called aloud, we shouted, 
 and even continued along the stream for a considerable space, 
 but to no purpose : the poor fellow had evidently perished — 
 perhaps by a death too horrible to think of. The Friar wrung 
 his hands in agony, and mingled his thanksgiving for his own 
 safety with lamentations for his lost companion ; and so intent 
 was he on these themes, that he never recognized me, nor, 
 indeed, seemed conscious of my presence. At last, as we 
 turned our steps towards where the girl lay, he said, " Is 
 it possible that you are the Caballero we parted with before 
 sunset? " 
 
 " Yes," said I, " the same. You were loth to accept of my 
 company, but you see there is a fate in it, after all ; ycu 
 cannot get rid of me so readily." 
 
 " Nor shall we try, Senhor," said the girl, passionately, but 
 with a foreign accent in her words ; as she took my hands, 
 and pressed them to her lips. 
 
 The Friar said something hastily in Spanish, which seemed 
 a rebuke, for she drew back at once, and buried her face in 
 her mantle. 
 
 " Donna Maria is my niece, Senhor, and has only just left 
 the con.vent of the ' Sacred Heart.' She knows nothing of 
 the world, nor what beseems her as a young maiden." 
 
 This the Friar spoke harshly, and with a manner that to me 
 sounded far more in need of an apology than did the young 
 girl's grateful emotion. 
 
 What was to be done became now the question. We were 
 at least thirty miles from Bexar, and not a village, nor even 
 a log-hut between us and that city. To go back was impos- 
 sible ; so that, like practical people, we at once addressed 
 ourselves to the available alternative. 
 
 " Picket your beast, and let us light a fire," said Fra Miguel, 
 with the air of a man who would not waste life in vain 
 regrets. Thank Providence, we have both grass and water j
 
 263 
 
 and although the one always brings snakes, and the other 
 alligators, it is better than to bivouac on the Red River, with 
 iron ore in the stream, and hard flints to sleep on." 
 
 Fastening my beast to a tree, I nnstrapped my saddle-bags, 
 and removed my saddle ; disposing which most artistically in 
 the fashion of an arm-chair for Donna Maria at the foot of a 
 stupendous beech, I set about the preparation of a fire. The 
 Friar, however, had almost anticipated me ; and with both 
 arms loaded with dead wood, sat himself down to construct 
 a species of hearth, placing a little circle of stones around in 
 such a way as to give a draught to the blaze. 
 
 "We must fast to-night, Senhor," said he; "but it will 
 count to us hereafter. Fan the fire with your hat, it will 
 soon blaze briskly." 
 
 " If it were not for that young lady," said I, " whose suffer- 
 ings are far greater than ours — " 
 
 " Speak not of her, Senhor ; Donna Maria de los Dolores 
 was called after our Mother of Sorrows, and she may as well 
 begin her apprenticeship to grief. She is the only child of 
 my brother, who had sent her to be educated at New Orleans, 
 and is now returning home to see her father, before she takes 
 the veil of her noviciate." 
 
 A very low sigh — so low as only to be audible to myself, 
 came from beneath the beech-tree, and I threw a handful of 
 dry chips upon the fire, hoping to catch a glimpse of the 
 features of my fair fellow-traveller. Fra Miguel, however, 
 balked my stratagem by topping the fire with a stout log, as 
 he said, " You are too spendthrift, Senhor, we shall need to 
 husband our resources, or we'll not have enough for the night 
 long." 
 
 " Would you not like to come nearer to the blaze, Senhora ? " 
 said I, respectfully. 
 
 " Thanks, sir, but perhaps " 
 
 " Speak out, child," broke in the Father, " speak out, and 
 say that you are counting your rosary, and would not wish to 
 be disturbed. And you, Senhor, if I err not, in your eager- 
 ness to aid us, have forgotten to water your gallant beast — 
 don't lead him to the stream, that would be unsafe ; take my 
 sombrero ; it ha3 cften served a like purpose before now. 
 Twice full is enough for any horse in these countries." I 
 w T ould have declined this offer, but I felt that submission 
 in everything would be my safest passport to his good opinion, 
 and so, armed with the "Friar's beaver," I made my way 
 to the stream. 
 
 Whatever his eulogies upon the pitcher-like qualities of his
 
 2G4 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 head-piece — to me they seemed most undeserved; for scarcely 
 had I filled it, than the water ran through like a sieve. The 
 oftener, too, was the process repeated, the less chance did 
 there appear of success ; for, instead of retaining the fluid at 
 all, the material became so saturated, that it threatened to 
 tear in pieces ever}'- time it was filled, and ere I could lift it 
 was totally empty. Half angry with the Friar, and still more 
 annoyed at my own ineptitude, I gave up the effort, and 
 returned to where I had left him, confessing my failure as I 
 came forward. 
 
 " Steep your 'kerchief in the stream, then, and wash the 
 beast's mouth," said he, upon his knees, where, with a great 
 string of beads, he was engaged with his devotions. 
 
 I retired, abashed at my intrusion, and proceeded to do as 
 I was directed. 
 
 " What, if all these cares for my horse, and all these devo- 
 tional exercises, were but stratagems to get rid of my com- 
 pany for a season ? " thought I ; as I perceived, that scarcely 
 had I left the spot, than -the Friar arose from his knees, and 
 seemed to busy himself about something in the trees. Full 
 of this impression, I made a little circuit of the place ; and 
 what was my surprise to observe, that he had converted his 
 upper robe of coarse blanket-cloth into a kind of hammock 
 for Donna Maria, in which, fastened at either end to the 
 bough of a tree, she was now swinging to and fro, with 
 apparently all the pleasure of a happy child. 
 
 " Don't you like it, uncle, after all," said she, laughing ; 
 " it's exactly what one has read of in Juan Cordova's stories, 
 to be bivouacking in a great forest, with a great fire, to keep 
 away the jaguars." 
 
 " Hush ! and go to sleep, child, I neither like it for thee, 
 nor myself. There are more dangerous things than jaguars in 
 these woods." 
 
 " Ah ! you mean the bears, uncle ? " 
 
 " I do not," growled he, sulkily. 
 
 " As for snakes, one gets used to them ; besides, they go 
 into the tall grass." 
 
 " Ay, ay, snakes in the grass, just so ! " muttered the 
 Friar, " but this youth will be back, presently, and let him not 
 hear you talk such silly nonsense. Good night, good night." 
 
 " Good night," sighed she, " but I cannot sleep ; I love so 
 to see the fireflies dancing through the leaves, and to hear 
 that rushing river." 
 
 "Hush! he's coming," said the Friar; and all was still. 
 
 When I came up, " the Friar " was again sunk in holy
 
 265 
 
 meditation, so that, disposing myself beside the fire, with my 
 rifle at one side, and my pistols at the other, I lay clown to 
 sleep. Although I closed my eyes, and lay still, I did not 
 sleep. My thoughts were full of Donna Maria, of whom I 
 weaved a hundred conjectures. It was evident she was 
 young; her voice was soft and musical too, and had that 
 pleasant bell-like cadence, so indicative of a light heart and 
 a happy nature. Why was she called the " Los Dolores "? I 
 asked myself again and again, what had she in her joyous- 
 ness to do with grief and care ? and why should she enter a 
 convent and become a nun ? These were questions there was 
 no solving, and apparently, if I might judge from the cadence 
 of her now deep sigh, no less puzzling to herself than to me. 
 The more my interest became excited for her, the stronger 
 grew my dislike to the Friar. That he was a surly old 
 tyrant, I perfectly satisfied myself. What a pity that I could 
 not rescue her from such cruelty as easily as I saved her from 
 the cataract ! 
 
 Would that I could even see her ! There was something 
 so tormenting in the mystery of her concealment, and so, I 
 deemed, must she herself feel it. We should be so happy 
 together, journeying along day by day through the forest! 
 What tales would I not tell her of my wanderings, and how 
 I should enjoy the innocence of her surprise at my travelled 
 wonders ! And all the strange objects of these wild woods — 
 how they would interest and amuse, were there " two " to 
 w 7 onder at and admire them ! How I wished she might be 
 pretty — what a disappointment if she were not — what a 
 total rout to all my imaginings if she were to have red hair 
 — how terrible if she should squint ! These thoughts at last 
 became too tantalizing for endurance, and so I tried to fall 
 asleep and forget them, but in vain ; they had got too firm a 
 hold of me, and I could not shake them off. 
 
 It was now about midnight, the fire waxed low, and " the 
 Friar " was sound asleep. What connection was there be- 
 tween these considerations, and her of whom I was thinking ? 
 who knows ? I arose and sat up, listening with eager ear 
 to the low long breathings of the Friar, who, with his round 
 bullet-head pillowed on a pine-log, slept soundly ; — the gentle 
 hum of the leaves, scarcely moved by the night wind, and 
 the distant sound of the falling water, were lullabies to his 
 slumber. It was a gorgeous night of stars — the sky was 
 studded with bright orbs in all the brilliant lustre of a 
 southern latitude. The fireflies, too, danced and glittered 
 on every side, leaving traces of the phosphoric light on the
 
 236 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 leaves as they passed. The air was warm and balmj with 
 the rich odour of the cedar and the acacia — just such a night 
 as one would like to pass in "converse sweet" with some dear 
 friend, mingling past memories with shadowy dreams, and 
 straying along from by-gones to futurity. 
 
 I crept over stealthily to where the Friar lay : a lively fear 
 prevailed with me that he might be feigning sleep, and so I 
 watched him long and narrowly. No ! it was an honest 
 slumber — the deep guttural of his mellow throat was beyond 
 counterfeiting. I threw a log upon the fire carelessly, and 
 with noise, to see if it would awake him ; but he only mut- 
 tered a word or two, that sounded like Latin, and slept on. 
 I now strained my eyes towards the hammock, of which, 
 under the shadow of a great sycamore tree, I could barely 
 detect the outline through the leaves. 
 
 Should I bo able to discern her features, were I to creep 
 over ? What a difficult question, and how impossible to 
 decide by mere reasoning upon it. What if I were to try? 
 It was a pure piece of curiosity — curiosity of the most 
 harmless kind. I had been, doubtless, just as eager to scan 
 the Friar's lineaments, if he had taken the same pains to 
 conceal them from me. It was absurd, besides, to travel 
 with a person and not see their face. Intercourse was a poor 
 thing, without that reciprocity which looks convey — I'll have 
 a peep, at all events, said I, summing up to myself all my 
 arguments ; and with this resolve I moved cautiously along, 
 and, making a wide circuit, came round to the foot of the 
 sycamore, at the side most remote from the Friar. 
 
 There was the hammock, almost within reach of my hand ! 
 it seemed to swing to and fro. I cannot say if this were 
 mere deception; and so I crept nearer, just to satisfy my 
 doubts. At last I reached the side, and peeped in. All I 
 could see was the outline of a figure wrapped in a mantle, 
 and a mass of soft silky hair, which fell over and shaded the 
 face. It was some time before my eyes grew accustomed to 
 the deep shadow of the spot ; but by degrees I could perceive 
 the profile of a young and beautiful face, resting upon one 
 arm, the other hung negligently at one side, and the hand 
 drooped over the edge of the hammock. The attitude was 
 the very perfection of graceful ease, and such as a sculptor 
 might have modelled. What a study, too, that hand, whose 
 dimpled loveliness the star-light speckled ! How could I help 
 touching it with my lips ? — the first time, with all the hallowed 
 reverence a worshipper would vouchsafe to some holy relic ; 
 the second, with a more fervent devotion ; the third, I ven-
 
 " A NIGHT IN A FOREST OF TEXAS.*' 267 
 
 tured to take the hand in mine and slightly press it. Did I 
 dream ? Could the ecstasy be no more than fancy ? — I 
 thought the pressure was returned. 
 
 She turned gently around, and in a voice of surpassing 
 softness, whispered, " Tell me your name, Senhor Caballero?" 
 T whispered low, " Con Cregan." 
 
 " Yes, but what do your sisters call you ?" 
 
 " I have none, Senhora." 
 
 " Your brothers, then ? " 
 
 " I never had a brother." 
 
 " How strange ! nor I either. Then how shall I call you ?" 
 
 " Call me your brother," said I, trying to repossess myself 
 of the hand she had gently withdrawn from my grasp. 
 
 " And will you call me Maria?" said she, gaily. 
 
 "If you permit it, Maria. But how will Fra Miguel think 
 of it ? " 
 
 " Ah ! I forgot that. But what can he say ? You saved 
 my life. I should have been carried away like poor Sancho, 
 but for you. Tell me how you chanced to be here, and where 
 you are going, and whence you come, and all about you. 
 Sit down there, on that stone. Nay, you needn't hold my 
 hand while talking." 
 
 " Yes, but I'm afraid to be alone here in the dark, Maria," 
 said I. 
 
 " What a silly creature it is ! Now begin." 
 
 " I'd rather talk of the future, Maria, dearest. I'd rather 
 we should speak of all the happy days we may spend 
 together." 
 
 " But how so ? Once at Bexar, I'm to wait at the monas- 
 tery till my father sends his mules and people to fetch me 
 home : meanwhile you will have wandered away Heaven 
 knows where." 
 
 " And where do you call home, Maria ? " 
 
 " Far away, beyond the Rio Grande, in the gold country, 
 near Aguaverde." 
 
 " And why should I not go thither ? I am free to turn my 
 steps whither I will. Perhaps your father would not despise 
 the services of one who has some smattering of knowledge 
 upon many a theme." 
 
 "But a Caballero — a real Senhor — turn miner ! They are 
 all miners there." 
 
 "No matter: Fortune might favour me, and make me 
 rich, and then — and then — who is to tell what changes might 
 follow ? The Caballero might bid adieu to the ' Placer,' and 
 the fair ' Donna Maria ' wave a good-bye to the nuunery — •
 
 268 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 and, by the way, that is a very cruel destiny they intend for 
 you." 
 
 " Who knows ? I was very happy in the ' Sacred 
 Heart.' " 
 
 " Possibly, Maria ; but you were a cnild, and would have 
 been happy anywhere. But think of the future; think of the 
 time when you will be loved, and will love in turn ; think of 
 that bright world of which the convent-window does not 
 admit one passing glance. Think of the glorious freedom 
 to enjoy whatever is beautiful in Nature, and to feel sym- 
 pathies with all that is great and good ; and reflect upon the 
 sad monotony of the cloister — its cold and cheerless existence, 
 uncared for, almost unfelt." 
 
 " And when the Superior is cross ! " cried she, holding up 
 her hands. 
 
 " And she is always cross, Maria. That austere habit 
 repels every generous emotion, as it defies every expansion of 
 the heart. No, no ; you must not be a nun." 
 
 " Well, I will not," said she. 
 
 " You promise me this, Maria ? " 
 
 "Yes, upon one condition: that you will come to the 
 'Placer,' and tell my father all that you have told to me. 
 He is so good and so kind, he'll never force me." 
 
 " But will he receive me? Will your father permit me so 
 to speak ? " 
 
 "You saved my life, Senhor," said she, half-proudly, "and 
 little as you reckon such a service, it is one upon which Don 
 Estavan Olares will set some store." 
 
 " Ah ! " said I, sighing, " how little merit had I in the feat! 
 It did not even cause me the slightest injury." 
 
 " I am just as gratified as though you had been eaten by 
 an alligator, Seiihor," said she, laughing with a sly malice 
 that made me half suspect that some, at least, of her inno- 
 cence was assumed. 
 
 From this we wandered on to speak of the journey for the 
 morrow, which I proposed she should make upon " Charry," 
 while Fra Miguel and myself accompanied her on foot. It 
 was also agreed between us, that we should preserve the 
 most rigid reserve and distance of manner in the Friar's pre- 
 sence, rarely noticing or speaking with each other. One 
 only difficulty existed, which was by what pretence I should 
 direct my steps to Aguaverde. But here again Donna Maria's 
 ready wit suggested the expedient, as she said, laughing, 
 " Are you not making a pilgrimage to the shrine of Our 
 Lady 'des los Dolores'?"
 
 " A NIGHT IN A FOREST OF TEXAS. " 269 
 
 " So I am," said I. " Shame on me that I should have 
 forgotten it til] now ! " 
 
 " Did you never tell me," said she, archly, " that you in- 
 tended to enter ' an order '?" 
 
 " Certainly," said I, joining the merry humour; "and so 
 will 1, on the very same day you take the veil." 
 
 " And now, holy man," said she, with difficulty repressing 
 afresh burst of laughter, "let us say, 'Good night.' Era 
 Miguel will awake at daybreak, and I see that is already 
 near." 
 
 " Good night, sweet sister," said I, once again pressing 
 her fingers to my lips, and scarcely knowing w T hen to relin- 
 quish them. A heavy sigh from the Friar, however, ad- 
 monished me to hasten away ; and I crept to my place, and 
 lay down beside the now almost extinguished embers of our 
 fire. 
 
 "What a good thought was that of the pilgrimage," said 
 I, as I drew my cloak around me ; and 1 remembered that 
 " Chico's" beads, and his " book of offices," were still among 
 my effects in the saddle-bags, and would greatly favour my 
 assumption of the pious character. I then tried to recall 
 some of my forgotten Latin. From this I reverted to 
 thoughts of Donna Maria herself, and half wondered at the 
 rapid strides we had accomplished in each other's confidence. 
 At last I fell asleep, to dream of every incongruity and in- 
 coherency that ever haunted a diseased brain. Nunneries, 
 with a crocodile for the Abbess, gave way to scenes in the 
 Placers, where Nuns were gold- washing, and Friars riding 
 down cataracts on caymans. From such pleasant realities a 
 rough shake of Fra Miguel aroused me, as he cried, "When 
 a man laughs so heartily in his sleep, he may chance to keep 
 all the grave thoughts for his waking. Rise up, Senhor ; the 
 day is breaking. Let us profit by the cool hours to make 
 our journey." 
 
 As day was breaking we set out for Bexar, in the manner 
 I had suggested : Donna Maria riding, the Friar and myself, 
 one either side of her, on foot. Resolved upon winning, so 
 far as might be, Fra Miguel's confidence, I addressed my con- 
 versation almost exclusively to him, rarely speaking a word 
 to my fair companion, and then only upon the commonest 
 questions of the way. 
 
 As none of us had eaten since the day previous, nor was 
 there any baiting-place till we reached Bexar, it was necessary 
 to make the best of our way thither with all speed. The 
 Fra knew the road perfectly, and by his skill in detecting the
 
 270 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 marks on trees, the position of certain rocks, and the course 
 of the streams, gave me some insight into the acute qualities 
 necessary for a prairie traveller. These themes, too, furnished 
 the greater portion of our conversation, which I am free to 
 own offered many a long interval of dreary silence. The 
 lira's thoughts dwelt gloomily on his late disaster, while 
 Donna Maria and myself were condemned to the occasional 
 exchange of a chance remark, or some question about the 
 road. 
 
 Once or twice Era Miguel questioned me on the subject of 
 my own history ; but ere I had proceeded any length in 
 detailing my veracious narrative, an accidental word, or 
 remark, would show that he was inattentive to what I was 
 speaking, and only occupied by his own immediate reflec- 
 tions. 
 
 Why, then, trouble myself with biographical inventions, 
 which failed to excite any interest ? and so I relapsed into a 
 silence plodding and moody as his own. 
 
 At length the path became too narrow for us all to go 
 abreast, and as my duties were to guide Charry by the bridle, 
 I became the companion of Maria by force of circumstances ; 
 still Fra Miguel kept up close behind, and however abstracted 
 at other times, he now showed himself " wide awake " on the 
 subject of our intercourse. Denied the pleasure of talking 
 to each other, we could at least exchange glances ; and this 
 was a privilege no surveillance, however rigid, could deny us. 
 These are small and insignificant details, which were of little 
 moment at the time, and led to even less for the future ; but 
 I record them as the first stirrings of love in a heart which 
 might have been deemed too intent upon its own cares to 
 admit of others ; and here let me observe that the taste for 
 stratagem — the little wiles and snares inspired by a first 
 passion — are among the strongest incentives to its origin. It 
 was the secrecy of our meeting at night, — the little difficulties 
 of our intercourse by day, the peril of discovery as we spoke 
 together, — the danger of detection as we exchanged glances, 
 that by giving us a common object, suggested a common feel- 
 ing. Both engaged in the same warfare, how could we avoid 
 sympathizing with each other. Then, there was that little 
 " dash of romance " about our first meeting, so auxiliary to 
 the tender passion ; and, again, we were wandering, side by 
 side, in a silent forest, with only one other near us. Would 
 we could have disposed of him, too ! I shame to say it, but, 
 in honest truth, I often wished that he had followed the 
 Mexican !
 
 "A night in a FOREST OF TEXAS. " 271 
 
 We halted during the great heat of the day, and the Fra 
 once more " rigging " out his capote, for a hammock, Donna 
 Maria lay down for the siesta, while I cut grass for Charry, 
 and rubbed her down. Long fasting had made us all more 
 disposed to silence, so that a few monosyllables were all that 
 passed. When the time came to resume the road, I am proud 
 to say that the Fra bore his privations with less equanimity 
 than did we. His sighs grew heavy and frequent ; any 
 accidental interruption on the road evoked unmistakable 
 signs of irritation; he even expostulated with certain saints, 
 whose leaden images decorated his sombrero, as to the precise 
 reasons for which his present sufferings were incurred, and 
 altogether, as hunger pinched, showed a more rebellious 
 spirit than his holy discourses of the preceding evening 
 could have led me to suspect. 
 
 One time, he charged his calamities to the score of having 
 eaten turtle, which was only half fish, on a Friday ; at 
 another, it was upon that unlucky day the journey had been 
 begun ; then, he remembered that the Mexican was only a half- 
 breed, who possibly, if baptized at all, was only an irregular 
 kind of a Christian, admitted into the fold by some stray 
 missionary — more trapper than priest. Then, he bethought 
 him that his patron, Saint Michel of Pavia, was of an un- 
 certain humour, and often tormented his votaries, by way of 
 trying their fidelity. These various doubts assumed the form 
 of open grumblings, which certainly inspired very different 
 sentiments in Donna Maria and myself than edification. As 
 evening closed in, and darkness favoured us, these ghostly 
 lamentations afforded us many a low, quiet laugh ; a soft 
 pressure of the hand, which now, by mere accident of course, 
 she had let fall near me, would sometimes show how we con- 
 curred in our sentiments, till at length, as the thicker gloom 
 of night fell around, such was our unanimity, that her hand 
 remained clasped in my own without any further attempt to 
 remove it. 
 
 If the Fra's gratitude burst forth eloquently as we came in 
 sight of some spangled lights glittering through the gloom, 
 our sensations were far more akin to disappointment. 
 
 " Bexar, at last ! praised be St. Michel ! " exclaimed he. 
 " It has been a long and dreary journey." Here I pressed 
 Donna Maria's hand, and she returned the pressure. 
 
 " Two days of disaster and sore suffering ! " Another 
 squeeze of the Senhora's fingers. 
 
 "A time I shall never forget," muttered he. 
 
 " Nor I," whispered I, to my fair companion.
 
 272 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 "A season of trouble and distress ! " quoth the Fra. 
 
 " Of love and happiness ! " muttered I. 
 
 " And now, my worthy young friend," said he, addressing 
 me, " as we are so soon to part — for yonder is Bexar — how 
 shall we best show our gratitude ? Would you like a 
 ' novena ' to ' Our Lady of Tears,' whose altar is here ? or, 
 shall we vow a candle to St. Nicomede of Terapia ? " 
 
 " Thanks, holy Father, there is no need for either ; mine 
 was a slight service, more than requited by the pleasure of 
 travelling in your company, and that of this pious maiden. 
 I have learned many a goodly lesson by the way, and will 
 think over them as I wander on my future pilgrimage." 
 
 " And whither may that tend, Sefihor ? " 
 
 " To the shrine of ' Our Lady of Sorrows,' at Aguaverde, 
 by the help of St. Francis." 
 
 " Aguaverde ! " exclaimed Fra Miguel, with a voice that 
 bespoke anything rather than pleasure ; " it is a long and a 
 dangerous journey, young man ! " 
 
 " The greater the merit, Father ! " 
 
 " Trackless wastes, and deep rivers ; hostile Indians, and 
 even more cruel half-breeds. These are some of the perils," 
 said he, in a voice of warning ; but a gentle pressure from 
 the Senhora's fingers was more than an answer to such 
 terrors. 
 
 " You can make your penance here, young man, at the 
 Convent of the missions. There are holy men who will give 
 you all good counsel ; and I will myself speak to them for 
 you." 
 
 I was about to decline this polite intervention, when a 
 quiet gesture from Donna Maria arrested my words, and 
 made me accept the offer, with thanks. 
 
 Thus chatting, we reached the suburbs of Bexar, and soon 
 entered the main street of that town ; and here let me record 
 a strange feature of the life of this land, which, although one 
 that I soon became accustomed to, had a most singular aspect 
 to my eyes on first acquaintance. It was a hot and sultry 
 night of June ; the air as dry and parched as of a summer 
 day in our English climate, and we found that the whole 
 population had their beds disposed along the streets, and 
 were sleeping for the benefit of the cool night air — al fresco. 
 There was no moon, nor any lamp-light, but by the glimmer- 
 ing stars we could see this strange encampment, which barely 
 left a passage in the middle for the mule carts. 
 
 Some of the groups were irresistibly droll : here was an 
 old lady, with a yellow-and-red handkerchief round her head,
 
 "A night in a FOREST OF TEXAS." 273 
 
 snoring away, while a negro wench waved a plantain bough 
 to and fro to keep off the musquitoes, which thronged the 
 spot from the inducement of a little glimmering lamp to the 
 Virgin over the bed. There was a thin Ian thorn-jawed old 
 fellow sipping his chocolate before he resigned himself to 
 sleep. Now and then there would be a faint scream and a 
 muttered apology, as some one, feeling his way to his nest, 
 had fallen over the couch of a sleeper. Mothers were nursing 
 Jjabies, nurses were singing others to rest ; social spirits 
 were recalling the last strains of recent convivialities ; while 
 others, less genially given, were uttering their " Carambas " 
 in all the vindictive anger of broken slumber. Now and 
 then a devotional attitude might be detected, and even some 
 little glimpses caught of some fair form making her toilet for 
 the night, and throwing back her dishevelled hair, to peer at 
 the passing strangers. 
 
 Such were the scenes that even a brief transit presented : 
 a longer sojourn, and a little more light, had doubtless dis- 
 covered still more singular ones. 
 
 We halted at the gate of a large gloomy-looking building, 
 which the Friar informed me was the " Yenta Nazionale," the 
 chief inn of the town ; and by dint of much knocking, and 
 various interlocutions between Fra Miguel and a black, four 
 stories high, the gates were at length opened. Faint, 
 hungry, and tired, I had hoped that we should have sapped 
 in company, and thus recompensed me for my share of the 
 successful issue of the journey ; but the Fra, giving his orders 
 hastily, wished me an abrupt " good night," and led his niece 
 up the narrow stairs, leaving me and my mare in the gloomy 
 entrance, like things whose services were no longer needed. 
 
 " This may be Texan gratitude, Fra Miguel," said I to 
 myself, " but certainly you never brought it from your own 
 country." Meanwhile the negro, alter lighting the others 
 upstairs, returned to where I was, and perhaps not impressed 
 by any high notions of my quality, or too sleepy to think 
 much about the matter, sat down on a stone bench, and 
 looked very much as if about to compose himself to another 
 doze. I was in no mood of gentleness, and so bestowing a 
 hearty kick upon my black " brother," I told him to show me 
 the way to the stable at oncp . The answer to this somewhat 
 rude summons was a strange one, — he gave a kind of grin 
 that showed all his teeth, and made a species of hissing noise, 
 like " Cheet, cheet," said rapidly — a performance I had never 
 witnessed before, nor, for certain reasons, have I any fancy to
 
 274 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 " Do you hear me, black fellow ? " cried I, tapping his bullet- 
 head with the end of my heavy whip, pretty much as one does 
 a tavern-table to summon the waiter. 
 
 " Cheet, cheet, cheet," cried he again, but with redoubled 
 energy. 
 
 " Confound your jargon," said I, angrily, " get up out of 
 that, and lead the way to the stable." This speech I accom- 
 panied by another admonition from my foot, given, I am free 
 to own, with all the irritable impatience of a thirty hours', 
 fast. 
 
 The words had scarcely passed my lips, ere the fellow 
 sprang to his legs, and with a cry like the scream of an 
 infuriated beast, dashed at me. I threw out my arm as a 
 guard, but stooping beneath it, he plunged a knife into my 
 side and fled. I heard the heavy bang of the great door re- 
 sound as he rushed out, and then fell to the ground, welter- 
 ing in my blood ! 
 
 I made a great effort to cry out, but my voice failed me ; 
 the blood ran fast from my wound, and a chill, sickening 
 sensation crept over, that I thought must be " death." " 'Tis 
 hard to die thus," was the thought that crossed me, and it 
 was the last effort of consciousness, ere I swooned into insen- 
 sibility.
 
 275 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 
 
 Kin t d-heaiited reader; you who have sympathized with so 
 many of the rubs that Fortune has dealt us ; who have 
 watched us with a benevolent interest in our warfare with an 
 adverse destiny ; who have marked our struggles, and wit- 
 nessed our defeats ; will surely compassionate our sad fate 
 when we tell you that when the curtain next rises on our 
 drama, it presents us no longer what we had been ! 
 
 Con Cregan, the light-hearted vagrant, paddling his lone 
 canoe down life's stream in joyous merriment, himself suf- 
 licing to himself, his eyes ever upward as his hopes were on- 
 ward, his crest an eagle's, and his motto "higher," was no 
 more. He had gone — vanished, been dissipated into thin 
 air ; and in his place there sat, too weak to walk, a poor 
 emaciated creature, with shaven head and shrunken limbs, a 
 very wreck of humanity, pale, sallow, and miserable as fever 
 and flannel could paint him. 
 
 Yes, gentle reader, under the shade of a dwarf fig-tree, in 
 the Leper Hospital of Bexar, I sat, attired in a whole suit of 
 flannel, of a pale brown tint, looking like a faded flea ; all 
 my gay spirits fled, and my very identity merged into the 
 simple fact that I was known as " Convalescent, No. 303," 
 an announcement which, for memory's sake perhaps, was 
 stamped upon the front of my nightcap. 
 
 Few people are fortunate enough not to remember the 
 strange jumble of true and false, the incoherent tissue of fact 
 and fancy which assails the first moments of recovery from 
 illness. It is a pitiable period, with its thronging thoughts, 
 all too weighty for the light brain that should bear them. 
 You follow your ideas like an ill-mounted horseman in a 
 hunt ; no sooner have you caught a glimpse of the game than 
 it is lost again : on you go, wearied by the pace but never 
 cheered by success ; often tumbling into a slough, missing 
 your way, and mistaking the object of pursuit ; such are the 
 casualties in either case, and they are not enviable ones. 
 
 Now, lest I should seem to be a character of all others I 
 detest, a grumbler without cause, let me ask the reader to sit 
 
 T 2
 
 276 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 beside me for a few seconds on this bench, and look with me 
 at the prospect around him. Yonder, that large white build- 
 ing, with grated windows, gaol-like and sad, is the Leper 
 Hospital of Bexar, an institution originally intended for the 
 sick of that one malady, but, under the impression of its 
 being contagious, generously extended to those labouring 
 under any other disease. The lepers are that host who sit 
 in groups upon the grass, at cards or dice, or walk in little 
 knots of two and three. Their shambling gait and crippled 
 figures — the terrible evidence of their malady — twisted limbs, 
 contorted into every horrible variety of lameness, hands with 
 deficient fingers, faces without noses, are the ordinary sym- 
 bols. The voices, too, are either husky and unnatural, or 
 reduced to a thin reedy treble, like the wail of an infant. 
 Worse than all, far more awful to contemplate, to him ex- 
 posed to such companic^r.iu t + heir minds would appear 
 more diseased than even their bodies ; some, evincing this 
 aberration by traits of ungovernable passion, some, by the 
 querulous irritability of peevish childhood, and some by the 
 fatuous vacuity of idiocy ; and here am I, gazing upon all 
 this, and speculating, by the aid of a little bit of broken 
 looking-glass, how long it is probable that I shall retain the 
 " regulation " number of the human features. 
 
 Ah, you gentlemen of England, who live at home at ease, 
 may smile at such miseries ; but let me tell you, that how- 
 ever impertinent you might deem him who told you " to 
 follow your nose," the impossibility of compliance is a yet 
 heavier infliction, and it was with a trembling eagerness that 
 each morning, as 1 awoke, I consulted the map of my face, 
 to be sure that I was master of each geographical feature. 
 
 While all who may break a leg or cut a blood-vessel are 
 reckoned fit subjects to expose to the risk of this contagion, 
 the most guarded measures are adopted to protect the world 
 without the walls from every risk. Not only is every leper 
 denied access to his friends and family, but even written 
 communication is refused him, while sentinels are stationed 
 at short intervals around the grounds, with orders to fire 
 upon any who should attempt an escape. 
 
 Here then was I in a gaol, with the danger of a horrible 
 disease superadded. Algebraically, my case stood thus : — 
 Letting the letter P represent a prison, L the leprosy, and N 
 my nose, P + L — N, being equal to any given number of 
 deaths by torture. Such was my case, such my situation ; 
 while of the past, by what chain of events I came to be thus 
 a prisoner, I knew nothing. A little memoir at the head of
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 277 
 
 my bed set forth that I was " a case of punctured wound in 
 the thorax," with several accessory advantages, not over in- 
 telligible by my ignorance, but which I guessed to imply, that 
 if the doctor didn't finish me off at once, there was every 
 chance of my slipping away by a lingering malady — some 
 one of those " chest affections "—that make the fortunes of 
 doctors, but are seldom so profitable to the patients. 
 
 One fact was, however, very suggestive. It was above 
 four months since the date of my admission to the hospital, 
 a circumstance that vouched for the gravity of my illness, 
 as well as showing what a number of events might have 
 occurred in the interval. 
 
 Four months ! and where was Donna Maria now ? Had 
 she forgotten me — forgotten the terrible scene on the Col- 
 lorado — forgotten the starlit night in the forest ? Had they 
 left me without any interest in my fiature — deserted me, 
 wounded — perhaps dying? — a sad return for the services I 
 had rendered them ! That Fra Miguel should have done this 
 would have caused me no surprise ; but the Senhora — she 
 who sprang by a bound into intimacy with me, and called 
 me "brother!" Alas! if this were so, what faith could be 
 placed in woman ? 
 
 In vain I sought information on these points from those 
 around me. My Spanish was not the very purest Castilian, 
 it is true ; but here, another and greater obstacle to know- 
 ledge existed — no one cared anything for the past and very 
 little for the future — the last event that held a place in their 
 memory was the day of their admission — the fell malady was 
 the centre round which all thoughts revolved, and I was re- 
 garded as a kind of visionary when asking about circum- 
 stances that occurred before I entered the hospital. There 
 were vague and shadowy rumours about me and my adven- 
 ture, so much I could find out; but whatever these were, 
 scarcely two agreed on — not one cared. Some said I had 
 killed a priest — others averred it was a negro — a few opined 
 that I had done both ; and an old mulatto woman, with a 
 face like a target, the bull's eye being represented by where 
 the nose ought to be, related a more connected narrative 
 about my having stolen a horse, and being overtaken by a 
 negro slave of the owner, who rescued the animal and stabbed 
 me. 
 
 All the stories tallied in one particular, which was in 
 representing me as a fellow of the roost desperate character 
 and determination, and who cared as little for shedding blood 
 as spilling water — traits, I am bound to acknowledge, which
 
 278 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 never appeared to lower me in general esteem. Of course, 
 all inquiries as to my horse, poor Charry — my precious 
 saddle-bags, my rifle, my bowie-knife, and my "harpers- 
 ferry," would have proved less than useless — actually absurd. 
 The patients would have reckoned such questions as little 
 vagaries of mental wandering, and the servants of the house 
 never replied to anything. 
 
 My next anxiety was, when I should be at liberty? The 
 doctor, when I asked him, gave a peculiar grin, and said, 
 " We cannot spare you, amigo; we shall want to look at your 
 pericardium one of these days. I say it is perforated — Don 
 Emanuel says not. Time will tell who's right." 
 
 " You mean when I'm dead, Senhor, of course? " cried I, 
 not fancying the chance of resolving the difficulties by being 
 carved alive. 
 
 " Of course I do," said he. u Yours is a very instructive 
 case ; and I shall take care that your heart and a portion of 
 the left lung be carefully injected, and preserved in the 
 museum." 
 
 " May you live a thousand years ! " said I, bowing my 
 gratitude, while a chill crept over me that I thought I should 
 have fainted. 
 
 I have already mentioned that sentries were placed at 
 intervals round the walls, to prevent escape, a precaution 
 which, were one to judge from the desolate and crippled 
 condition of the inmates, savoured of over care. A few were 
 able to crawl along upon crutches, the majority were utterly 
 helpless, while the most active were only capable of creeping 
 up the bank which formed the boundary of the grounds, to 
 look down into the moat beneath, a descent of some twenty 
 feet, but which, to imaginations such as theirs, was a gulf 
 like the crater of a volcano. 
 
 Whenever a little group, then, would station themselves on 
 the " heights," as they were called, and gaze timidly into the 
 depths below, the guards, far from dispersing them, saw that 
 no better lesson could be administered than what their own 
 fears suggested, and prudently left them to the admonitions 
 of their terrors. I remembered this fact, and resolved to 
 profit by it. If death were to be my lot, it could not come 
 anywhere with more horrors than here; so that happen what 
 might, I resolved to make an effort at escape. The sentry's 
 bullet had few terrors for one who saw himself surrounded 
 by such objects of suffering and misery, and who daily ex- 
 pected to be oue of their number. Were the leap to kill me, 
 a circumstance that in my weak and wounded condition I
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 279 
 
 judged far from unlikely, it was only anticipating a few days 
 ■ — and what days were they ! 
 
 Such were my calculations, made calmly and with reflec- 
 tion. Not that I was weary of life ; were the world but 
 open to me, I felt I should resume all my former zest in its 
 sayings and doings : nay, I even fancied that the season of 
 privation would give a higher colour to my enjoyment of it; 
 and I know that the teachings of adversity are not the least 
 useful accessories of him whose wits must point the road to 
 fortune. True is it, the emergencies of life evoke the facul- 
 ties, and develop the resources, as the storm and the ship- 
 wreck display the hardy mariner. Who knows, Con, but 
 good luck may creep in even through a punctured wound in 
 the thorax ! 
 
 As the day closed, the patients were always recalled by a 
 bell, and patrol parties of soldiers went round to see if by 
 accident any yet lingered without the walls. The performance 
 of duty was, however, most slovenly, since, as I have already 
 said, escape never occurred to those whose apathy of mind 
 and infirmity of body had made them indifferent to every- 
 thing. I lingered, then, in a distant alley as the evening 
 began to fall, and when the bell rung out its dismal summons, 
 I trembled to think — was it the last time I should ever hear 
 it ! It was a strange thrill of mingled hope and terror. 
 "Where should I be the next evening at that hour ! Free, 
 and at liberty — a wanderer wherever fancy might lead me, 
 or the occupant of some narrow bed beneath the earth, sleep- 
 ing the sleep that knows no waking ? and, if so, who could 
 less easily be missed than him who had neither friend, nor 
 family, nor fortune. I felt that my departure, like that of 
 some insignificant guest, would meet notice from none : not 
 one to ask what became of him ! when did he leave us ? to 
 whom did he say farewell ? 
 
 If there was something unspeakably sad in the solitude of 
 such a fate, there was that also which nerved the heart by a 
 sense of Self-sufficiency — the very brother of Independence ; 
 and this thought gave me courage as I looked over the grassy 
 embankment, and peered into the gloomy fosse, which now, 
 in the indistinct light, seemed far deeper than ever. A low 
 marshy tract, undrained and uninhabitable, surrounded the 
 " Lazaretto " for miles ; and if this insalubrious neighbour- 
 hood assisted in keeping up the malaria of fever, it compen- 
 sated, on the other hand, by interposing an unpopulated 
 district between the sick and the healthy. 
 
 These dreary wastes, pathless and untrodden, were a kind
 
 280 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 of fabulous region among the patients for all kind of horrors, 
 peopled as the fancy of each dictated by the spirits of de- 
 parted " Leperos," by venomous serpents and cobras, or by 
 escaped galley-slaves, who led a life of rapine and murder. 
 The flitting jack-o'-lantern that often skimmed along the 
 surface, the wild cry of the plover, the dreary night wind 
 sighing over miles of plain, aided these superstitions, and 
 convinced many whose stubborn incredulity demanded corro- 
 boration from the senses. As for myself, if very far from 
 crediting the tales I had so often listened to, the theme left 
 its character of gloom upon my mind, and it was with a cold 
 shudder that I strained my eyes over the wide distance from 
 which a heavy exhalation was already rising. Determined 
 to derive comfort from every source, I bethought me that the 
 misty fog would assist my concealment, as if it were worth 
 while to pursue me through a region impregnated with all 
 the vapours of disease ! The bell had ceased : the bang of 
 the great iron wicket had resounded, and all was still. I 
 hesitated, I know not why : a moment before, my mind was 
 made up ; and now, it seemed like self-destruction to go on ! 
 Here was life ! a sad and terrible existence truly ; but was 
 the dark grave better? or, if it were, had I the right to make 
 the choice ? this was a subtlety that had not occurred till 
 now. The dull tramp of the patrol routed my musings, as 
 in quick time a party advanced up the alley towards me. 
 They were not visible from the darkness, but the distance 
 could not be great, and already I could hear the corporal 
 urging them forward, as the mists were rising, and a deadly 
 fog gathering over the earth. Any longer delay now, and 
 my project must be abandoned for ever, seeing that my lin- 
 gering outside the walls would expose me to close surveillance 
 for the future. 
 
 I arose suddenly and advanced to the very edge of the 
 cliff: would that I could only have scanned the depth below, 
 and seen where I was about to go ! Alas ! darkness was on 
 all ; a foot beneath where I stood all was black and undis- 
 tinguishable. 
 
 The patrol were now about thirty paces from me; another 
 instant and I should be taken ! I clasped my hands together 
 convulsively, and with drawn-in breath and clenched lips, I 
 bent my knees to spring. Alas, they would not ! my strength 
 failed me at this last moment, and instead of a leap, my 
 limbs relaxed, and tottering under me, gave way. I lost my 
 balance, and fell over the cliff! Grasping the grassy surface 
 with the energy of despair, I tore tufts of long grass and
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 281 
 
 fern as I fell down — down — down — till consciousness left 
 me, to be rallied again into life by a terrible " squash " into a 
 reedy swamp at the bottom. Up to my waist in duck-weed 
 and muddy water, I soon felt, however, thnt I had sustained 
 no other injury than a shock ; nay, even fancied that the con- 
 cussion had braced my nerves ; and as I looked up at the 
 dark mass of wall above me, I knew that my fall must have 
 been terrific. 
 
 Neither my bodily energy, nor my habiliments, favoured 
 me in escaping from this ditch : but I did rescue myself at 
 last ; and then, remembering that I must reach some place of 
 refuge before day broke, I set out over the moor, my only 
 pilotage being the occasionally looking back at the lights of 
 the hospital, and in sailor-fashion using them as my point of 
 departure. When creeping along the walks of the Lazaretto, 
 I was barely able to move ; and now, such a good ally is a 
 strong " will," I stepped out boldly and manfully. 
 
 As I walked on, the night cleared : a light fresh breeze 
 dissipated the vapour, and refreshed me as I went ; while 
 overhead, myriads of bright stars shone out, and served to 
 guide me on the trackless waste. If I often felt fatigue 
 stealing over me, a thought of the Lazaretto and its fearful 
 inmates nerved me to new efforts. Sometimes, so possessed 
 did I become with these fears, that I actually increased my 
 speed to a run, and thus exerting myself to the very utmost, 
 I made immense progress, and ere day began to break, found 
 myself at the margin of the moor, and the entrance to a 
 dense forest, which I remembered often to have seen of a 
 clear evening from the garden of the Lazaretto With what 
 gratitude did I accept that leafy shade which seemed to 
 promise me its refuge ! I threw my arms around a tree in 
 the ecstasy of my delight, and felt, that now indeed I had 
 gained a haven of rest and safety. By good fortune, too, I 
 came upon a pathway ; a small piece of board nailed to a 
 tree bore the name of a village ; but this I could not read in 
 the half light ; still it was enough that I was sure of a beaten 
 track, and could not be lost in the dense intricacies of a pine- 
 forest. 
 
 The change of scene encouraged me to renewed exertion, 
 and I began to feel that so far from experiencing fatigue, 
 each mile I travelled supplied me with greater energy, and 
 that my strength rose each hour, as I left the Lazaretto 
 farther behind me. 
 
 " Ah, Con, my boy, fortune has not taken leave of you 
 yet!" said I, as I discovered that my severe exercise, far
 
 232 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 from being injurious, as I had feared, was already bringing 
 back the glow of health to my frame, and spirit to my 
 heart. 
 
 There is something unspeakably calming in the solitude 
 of a forest, unlike the lone sensations inspired by the sea or 
 the prairie ; the feeling is one of peaceful quietude. The 
 tempered sunlight stealing through the leaves and boughs 
 entangled ; — the giant trunks that tell of centuries ago — the 
 short smooth mossy turf through which the tiny rivulet runs 
 without a channel, — the little vistas opening like alleys, or 
 ending in some shady nook, bower-like, and retired, fill the 
 mind with a myriad of pleasant fancies. Instead of wander- 
 ing forth over the immensity of space, as when contemplating 
 the great ocean, or the desert, the heart here falls back upon 
 itself, and is satisfied with the little world around it. 
 
 Such were my reveries as I lay down beneath a tree, at 
 first, to muse, and then, to sleep ; and such a sleep as only a 
 weary foot- traveller knows, who, stretched under the shade 
 of a spreading tree, lies dreamless and lost. It must have 
 been late ere I awoke ; the sunlight came slanting obliquely 
 through the leaves, and bespoke the decline of day. I rose ; 
 at first my limbs were stiff and rigid, and my sensations 
 those of debility ; but after a little time my strength came 
 back, and I strode along freely. Continuing the path, I came, 
 after about three hours' fast walking, to a little open spot in 
 the wood, where the remains of a hut, and the charred frag- 
 ments of firewood, indicated a bivouac; some morsels of 
 black bread strewn about, and a stray piece of dried venison, 
 argued that the party who had left them had but recently 
 quitted the spot ; very grateful for the negligent abundance 
 of their waste, I sat down, and by the aid of a little spring, 
 the reason, probably, of the selection of the spot for a halt, 
 made a capital supper, some chestnuts that had fallen from 
 the trees furnishing a delicious dessert. Night was fast 
 closing in, and I resolved on passing it where I was, the 
 shelter of the little hut being too tempting a refuge to relin- 
 quish easily. The next morning I started early, my mind 
 fully satisfied that I was preceded by some foot party, the 
 path not admitting of any other, with whom, by exertion, I 
 should be perhaps able to come up. I walked from day to 
 dawn with scarcely an interval of rest ; but, although the 
 tracks of many feet showed me my conjecture was right, I 
 did not succeed in overtaking them. Towards evening I 
 again came upon their bivouac-ground, which was even more 
 abundantly provided than the preceding one. They appeared
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 283 
 
 to have killed a buck ; and though having roasted an entire 
 side, had contented themselves with some steaks off the 
 quarter. Upon this I feasted luxuriously, securing a sufficient 
 provision to last me for the next two or three days. 
 
 In this way I continued to travel for eight entire days, each 
 successive one hoping to overtake the party in advance; and 
 if disappointed in this expectation, well pleased with the good 
 luck that had supplied me so far with food, and made my 
 journey safe and pleasant, for it was both. A single beast of 
 prey I never met with, nor even a serpent larger than the 
 common green snake, which is neither venomous nor bold ; 
 and, as for pleasure, I was free. Was not that alone happi- 
 ness for him who had been a prisoner among the " Leperos " 
 of Bexar ? 
 
 On the ninth day of my wandering, certain unmistakable 
 signs indicated that I was approaching the verge of the 
 forest; the grass became deeper, the wood less dense; the 
 undergrowth, too, showed the influence of winds and currents 
 of air. These, only appreciable by him who has watched 
 with anxious eyes every little change in the aspect of Nature, 
 became at last evident to the least observant in the thickened 
 bark, and the twisted branches of the trees, on which the 
 storms of winter were directed. Shall I own it! — my heart 
 grew heavy at these signs, boding, as they did, another 
 change of scene, and to what ? perhaps the bleak prairie 
 stretching away in dreary desolation ! Perhaps, some such 
 tract of swampy moor, where forests once had stood, but 
 now, lying in mere waste of rottenness and corruption — 
 " clearings," as they are called — the little intervals which 
 hard industry plants amid universal wildness, I could not 
 hope for, since I had often heard that no settlers ever 
 selected these places, to which access by water was difficult, 
 and the roads few and bad. What, then, was to come next ? 
 Not the sea coast — that must be miles away to the eastward ; 
 not the chain of the Rocky Mountains — they lay equally far 
 to the west. 
 
 While yet revolving these thoughts, I reached the verge of 
 the wood; and suddenly, and without anything which might 
 apprise me of this singular change, I found myself standing 
 on the verge of a great bluff of land overlooking an ap- 
 parently boundless plain. The sight thus unexpectedly pre- 
 sented of a vast prairie — for such it was — was overwhelming 
 in its intense interest. My position, from a height of some 
 seven or eight hundred feet, gave me an uninterrupted view 
 over miles and miles of surface. Towards the far west a
 
 284 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 riclge of rugged mountains could be seen, but to the south 
 and east a low flat horizon bounded the distance. The sur- 
 face of this great tract was covered for a short space by dry 
 cedars, apparently killed by a recent fire ; beyond that, a tall, 
 rank grass grew, through which I could trace something like 
 a road. This was, as I afterwards learned, a buffalo- trail, 
 these animals frequently marching in close column when in 
 search of water. The sun was setting as I looked, and 
 gilded the whole vast picture with its yellow glory ; but 
 as it sunk beneath the horizon, and permitted a clearer 
 view of the scene, I could perceive that everything — trees, 
 grass, earth itself — presented one uniform dry, burnt-up 
 appearance. 
 
 Not a creature of any kind was seen to move over this 
 great plain ; not a wing cleaved the air above ; not a sound 
 broke the stillness beneath. It was a solitude the most com- 
 plete I ever conceived — grand and imposing! How my heart 
 sank within me as I sat and looked, thinking I was there 
 alone, without one creature near me, to linger out, perhaps, 
 some few days or hours of life, and die unseen, unwatched, 
 uncared for ! And to this sad destiny had ambition brought 
 me ! Were it not for the craving desire to become something 
 above my station — to move in a sphere to which neither my 
 birth nor my abilities gave me any title — and I should be 
 now the humble peasant, living by my daily labour in my 
 native land, my thoughts travelling in the worn track those 
 of my neighbours journeyed, and I neither better nor worse 
 off than they. 
 
 And for this wish — insensate, foolish, as it was — the expia- 
 tion is indeed heavy. I hid my head within my hands, and 
 tried to pray, but I could not. The mind harassed by various 
 conflicting thoughts is not in the best mood for supplication. 
 I felt like the criminal of whom I had once read, that when 
 the confessor came to visit him the night before his execution, 
 seemed eager and attentive for a while, but at last acknow- 
 ledged that his thoughts were centred upon one only theme 
 — escape ! " To look steadfastly at the next world, you must 
 extinguish the light of this one ; " and how difficult is that ! 
 — how hard to close every chink and fissure through which 
 hope may dart a ray ! — hope of life, hope of renewing the 
 struggle in which we are so often defeated, and where even 
 the victory is without value. 
 
 " Be it so," sighed I, at last; " the game is up ! " and I 
 lay down at the foot of a rock to die. My strength, long 
 Bustained by expectation, had given way at last, and 1 felt
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 285 
 
 that the hour of release could not be distant. I drew my 
 hand across my eyes — I am ashamed to own there were tears 
 there — and just then, as if my vision had been cleared by the 
 act, I saw, or I thought I saw, in the plain beneath, the 
 glittering sparkle of flame. Was it the reflection of a star, 
 of which thousands were now studding the sky, in some pool 
 of rain water ? No ! it was real fire, which now, from one 
 red spark, burst forth into a great blaze, rolling out volumes 
 of black smoke, which rose like a column into the air. 
 
 Were they Indians who made it, or trappers ? or could it 
 be the party in whose track I had so long been following ; 
 and, if so, by what path had they descended ? Speculation 
 is half-brother to hope. No sooner had I begun to canvass 
 this proposition, than it aroused my drooping energies, and 
 rallied my failing courage. 
 
 I set about to seek for some clue to the descent, and by the 
 moonlight, which was now full and strong, I detected foot- 
 tracks in the clayey soil near the verge of the cliff. A little 
 after I found a narrow pathway, which seemed to lead down 
 the face of the bluff. The trees were scratched, too, in many 
 places with marks familiar to prairie travellers, but which to 
 me only betokened the fact that human hands had been at 
 work upon them. I gained courage by these, which, at least, 
 I knew were not "Indian signs," no more than the foot- tracks 
 were those of Indian feet. 
 
 The descent was tedious, and often perilous ; the path, 
 stopping abruptly short at rocks, from which the interval to 
 the next footing should be accomplished by a spring, or a 
 drop of several feet, was increased in danger by the indistinct 
 light. In the transit I received many a sore bruise, and ere 
 I reached the bottom my flannel drapery was reduced to a 
 string of rags which would have done no credit to a scare- 
 crow. 
 
 When looking from the top of the cliff, the fire appeared 
 to be immediately at its foot ; but now I perceived it stood 
 about half a mile off in the plain. Thither I bent my steps, 
 half fearing, half hoping, what might ensue. So wearied was I 
 by the fatigue of the descent, added to the long day's journey, 
 that even in this short space I was often obliged to halt and 
 take rest. Exhaustion, hunger, and lassitude weighed me 
 down, till I went along with that half- despairing effort a worn- 
 out swimmer makes as his last before sinking. 
 
 A more pitiable object it would not be easy to picture. 
 The blood oozing from my wound, re-opened by the exertion, 
 had stained my flannel dress, which, ragged and torn, gave
 
 286 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 glimpses of a figure reduced almost to a skeleton. My beard 
 was long, adding to the seeming length of my gaunt and 
 lanthorn jaws, blue with fatigue and fasting. My shoes were 
 in tatters, and gave no protection to my bleeding feet ; while 
 my hands were torn and cut by grasping the rocks and boughs 
 in my descent. Half stumbling, half tottering, I came on- 
 ward till I found myself close to the great lire, at the base of 
 a mound — a " Prairie roll," as it is called — which formed a 
 shelter against the east wind. 
 
 Around the immense blaze sat a party, some of whom in 
 shadow, others in strong light, presented a group the 
 strangest ever my eyes beheld. Bronzed and bearded coun- 
 tenances, whose fierce expression glowed fiercer in the ruddy 
 glare of the fire, were set off by costumes the oddest 
 imaginable. 
 
 Many wore coats of undressed skeepskin, with tall caps of 
 the same material ; others had ragged uniforms of different 
 services. One or two were dressed in " ponchos " of red 
 brown cloth, like Mexicans, and some, again, had a kind of 
 buff coat, studded with copper ornaments, — a costume often 
 seen among" the half-breeds. All agreed in one feature of 
 equipment, which was a broad leather belt or girdle, in which 
 were fastened various shining implements, of which a small 
 pick-axe and a hammer were alone distinguishable where I 
 stood. Several muskets were piled near them, and on the 
 scorched boughs of the cedars hung a little armoury of cut- 
 lasses, pistols, and " bowies," from which I was able to 
 estimate the company at some twenty-eight or thirty in 
 number. Packs and knapsacks, with some rude cooking 
 utensils, were strewn around ; but the great carcase of a 
 deer which I saw in the flames, supported by a chevaux-de- 
 frise of ramrods, was the best evidence that the cares of 
 "cuisine" did not demand any unnecessary aid from 
 " casseroles." 
 
 A couple of great earthen pitchers passed rapidly from 
 hand to hand round the circle, and, by the assistance of some 
 blackhead, served to beguile the time while the " roast " was 
 being prepared. 
 
 Creeping noiselessly nearer, I gained a little clump of 
 brushwood scarcely more than half a dozen paces off, and 
 then lay myself down to listen what language they were 
 speaking. At first the whole buzz seemed one unmeaning 
 jargon, more like the tongue of an Indian tribe than any- 
 thing else ; but as I listened I could detect words of French, 
 Spanish, and German. Eager to make out some clue to
 
 THE LAZAEETTO OF BEXAR. 287 
 
 what class they might belong, I leaned forward on a bough 
 and listened attentively. A stray word — a chance phrase, 
 could I but catch so much, would be enough ; and I bent my 
 ear with the most watchful intensity. The spot I occupied 
 was the crest of the little ridge, or " Prairie roll, " and gave 
 me a perfect view over the group, while the black smoke 
 rolling upwards effectually concealed one from them. 
 
 As I listened, I heard a deep husky voice say something 
 in English. It was only an oath, but it smacked of my 
 country, and set my heart a-throbbing powerfully. I lay 
 out upon the branch to catch what might follow, when 
 smash went the frail timber, and, with a cry of terror, down 
 I rolled behind them. In a second every one was on his legs, 
 while a cry of " The jaguars ! the jaguars ! " resounded on 
 all sides. The sudden shock over, their discipline seemed 
 perfect ; for the whole party had at once betaken themselves 
 to their arms, and stood in a hollow square prepared to re- 
 ceive any attack. Meanwhile, the smoke and the falling 
 rubbish effectually shut me out from view. As these cleared 
 away they caught sight of me, and truly never was a for- 
 midable file of musketry directed upon a more pitiable object. 
 Such seemed their own conviction ; for, after a second or two 
 passed in steady contemplation of me, the whole group burst 
 out into a roar of savage laughter. " What is't ? " " It's not 
 human!" being the exclamations which, in more than one 
 strange tongue, were uttered. 
 
 Unable to speak, in part from terror, in part from shock, 
 I sat up on my knees, and, gesticulating with my hands, 
 implored their mercy, and bespoke my own defencelessness. 
 I conclude that I made a very sorry exhibition, for again the 
 laughter burst forth in louder tones than before, when one, 
 taking a brand of the burning firewood, came nearer to 
 examine me. He threw down his torch, and springing back- 
 ward with horror, screamed out, a " lepero ! " a " lepero ! " 
 In a moment every musket was again raised to the shoulder, 
 and directed towards me. 
 
 " I'm not a lepero — never was ! " cried I, in Spanish. 
 " I'm a poor Englishman, who has made his escape from the 
 Lazaretto." I could not utter more, but fell powerless to 
 the earth. 
 
 " I know him; we were messmates," cried a gruff voice. 
 " Halt ! avast there ! don't fire ! I say, my lad, crawl over to 
 leeward of the fire. There, that will do. Dash a bucket 
 of water over him, Perez." 
 
 Perez obeyed with a vengeance, for I was soaked to the
 
 288 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 skin, and at the same time exposed to the scorching glare of 
 the great fire, where I steamed away like a swamp at sun- 
 down. 
 
 " A'n't yon Cregan, I say ? " cried the same English voice 
 which spoke beforb : " a'n't you little Con, as we used to call 
 you?" 
 
 " Yes," said I, overjoyed by the recognition, without 
 knowing by whom it was made ; " I am the little Con you 
 speak of." 
 
 "Ah! I remembered your voice the moment I heard it," 
 said he. " Don't you remember me ? " 
 
 " Caramba ! " broke in a savage-looking Spaniard, " we're 
 not going to catch a leprosy for the sake of your reminis- 
 cences. Tell the fellow to move off, or I'll send a bullet 
 through him." 
 
 " And I'll follow you." 
 
 "And I — and I," cried two or three more, who, suiting 
 the action to the speech, threw back the pan of the flint- 
 muskets to examine the priming. 
 
 " And shall I tell you what I'll do ? " said the Englishman. 
 " I'll lay the first fellow's skull open with this hanger that 
 fires a shot at him." 
 
 " Will you so ? " said a thin, athletic fellow, springing to 
 his legs, and drawing a long narrow-bladed knife from his 
 girdle. 
 
 " A truce there, Rivas," said another, " would you quarrel 
 with the Capitan for a miserable lepero ? " 
 
 " He's not a Capitan of my making," said Rivas, sulkily. 
 
 " I don't care of whose making," said the Englishman, in 
 his broken Spanish ; " I'm the leader of this expedition — if 
 any one deny it, let him stand out and say so. If half a 
 dozen of you deny it, come out one by one — I ask nothing 
 better than to show you who's the best man here." 
 
 A low muttering followed this speech, but whether it were 
 of admiration or anger, I could not determine. Meanwhile 
 my own resolve was formed, as gathering my limbs together, 
 I rolled upon one knee and said — 
 
 " Hear me for one instant, Senhors. It would be unworthy 
 of you to quarrel about an object so poor and worthless as I 
 am. Although not a lepero, I have made my escape from the 
 Lazaretto, and travelled hither on foot, with little clothing 
 and less food — an hour or two more will finish what fatigue 
 and starving have all but accomplished. If you will be kind 
 enough to throw me a morsel of bread, and give me time to 
 move away, I'll try and do it j or, if you prefer doing the
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 289 
 
 humane thing, you'll come a few paces nearer and send a 
 ■volley into me." 
 
 "I vote for the last," shouted one; but, strange to say, 
 none seconded his motion. A change had come over them, 
 possibly by the very recklessness of my own proposal. At 
 last one called out,/' Creep away some fifty yards or so, and 
 burn those rags of yours — we'll give you something to wear 
 instead of them." 
 
 "Ay — just so," said another, "the poor devil doesn't 
 deserve death for what he's done." 
 
 " That's spoken like honest fellows and good comrades," 
 said the Englishman. " And now, my hearty, move down 
 to leeward there, and put on your new toggery, and we'll see 
 if a hot supper won't put some life in you." 
 
 I could scarcely credit my own alacrity, as this prospect of 
 better days inspired me with fresh vigour ; I recovered my 
 feet at once, and in something which I intended should re- 
 semble a trot, set out in the direction indicated, and where 
 already a small bundle of clothes had been placed for my 
 acceptance. 
 
 A piece of lighted charcoal and some fire wood also ap- 
 prised me of the office required at my hands, and which I 
 performed with a most hearty goodwill ; and as I threw 
 the odious rags into the flames, I felt that I was saying 
 adieu to the last tie that bound me to the horrible Lazaretto 
 of Bexar. 
 
 " Let him join us now," said the Englishman ; " though I 
 think if the poor fellow has walked from Bexar, you might 
 have been satisfied he couldn't carry the leprosy with him." 
 
 " I've known it go with a piece of gun-wadding from 
 Bexar to the Rio del Norte," said one. 
 
 " I saw a fellow who caught it from the rind of a water- 
 melon a lepero had thrown away." 
 
 " There was a comrade of ours at Puerta Naval took it 
 from sitting on the bench beside a well on the road where a 
 lepero had been resting the day before," cried a third. 
 
 " Let him sit yonder, then," said the Englishman. " You're 
 more afeard of that disease than the bite of a cayman; 
 though you needn't be squeamish most of you, if it's your 
 beauty you were thinking of." 
 
 And thus amid many a tale of the insidious character of 
 this fell disorder, and many a rude jest on the score of pre- 
 caution against it, I was ordered to seat myself at about a 
 dozen or twenty paces distant, and receive my food as it was 
 thrown towards me by the others — too happy at this humble 
 
 U
 
 290 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 privilege to think of anything but the good fortune of such 
 a meeting. 
 
 "Don't you remember me yet?" cried the Englishman, 
 standing where the full glare of the fire lit up his marked 
 
 "Yes," said I, "you're Halkett." 
 
 " To be sure I am, lad. I'm glad you don't forget me." 
 
 " How should I ? This is not the first time you saved 
 my life." 
 
 " I scarcely thought I had succeeded so well," said he, 
 " when we parted last — but you must tell me all about that 
 to-morrow, when you are rested and refreshed. The crew 
 here is not very unlike what you may remember aboard the 
 yacht — don't cross them, and you'll do well with them." 
 
 " What are they ? " said I, eagerly. 
 
 " Gambusinos," said he, in a low voice. 
 
 " Bandits ?" whispered T, misconceiving the word. 
 
 "Not quite," rejoined he, laughing; "though, I've no 
 doubt, ready to raise a dollar that way if any one could be 
 found in these wild parts a little richer than themselves ; " 
 with this, he commended me to a sound sleep, and the words 
 were scarcely spoken ere I obeyed the summons. 
 
 Before day broke, I was aroused by the noise of approaching 
 departure ; the band were strapping on knapsacks, slinging 
 muskets, and making other preparations for the march. 
 Halkett, as their captain, carrying nothing beyond his 
 weapons, and in his air and manner assuming all the impor- 
 tance of command. 
 
 The "Lepero," as I was called, was ordered to follow the 
 column at about a hundred paces to the rear ; but as I was 
 spared all burthen in compassion to my weak state, I readily- 
 compounded for this invidious position, by the benefits it 
 conferred. A rude meal of rye bread and cold venison, with 
 some coffee, made our breakfast, and away we started ; our 
 path lying through the vast Prairie I have already spoken of. 
 
 As during my state of "quarantine," which lasted seven 
 entire days, we continued to march along over a dreary tract 
 of monotonous desolation — nothing varying the dull uniform- 
 ity of each day's journey, save the chance sight of a distant 
 herd of buffaloes, the faint traces of an Indian war-party, or 
 the blackened embers of a bivouac, — I will not weary my 
 readers by dwelling on my own reflections as I plodded on : 
 enough, when I say, they were oftener sad than otherwise. 
 The uncertainty regarding the object of my fellow-travellers, 
 harassed my mind by a thousand odd conjectures. It was
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 291 
 
 clear tliey were not merchants, neither could they be hunters, 
 still less a "war-party;" — one of those marauding bands, 
 which on the Texan frontier of Mexico levy " black-mail " 
 upon the villagers, on the plea of a pretended protection 
 against the Indians. Although well armed, neither their 
 weapons, their discipline, nor, still less, their numbers, argued 
 in favour of this suspicion. What they could possibly be, 
 then, was an insurmountable puzzle to me. I knew they 
 were called Gambusinos — nothing more. Supposing that 
 some of my readers may not be wiser than I then was, let 
 me take this opportunity, w 7 hile traversing the prairie, to say 
 in a few words what they were. 
 
 The Gambusinos are the gold-seekers of the New World ; 
 a class who, in number and importance, divide society 
 with the "Vaqueros," the cattle-dealers, into two almost 
 equal sections. Too poor to become possessors of mines ; 
 without capital for enterprise on a larger scale, they form 
 bands of wandering discoverers, traversing the least-known 
 districts of the Sonora, and spending years of life in the 
 wildest recesses of the Rocky Mountains. Associating to- 
 gether, generally from circumstances purely accidental, they 
 form little communities, subject to distinct laws ; and how- 
 ever turbulent and rebellious under ordinary control, beneath 
 the sway of the self-chosen leaders, they are reputed to be 
 submissive and obedient. 
 
 Their skill is, as may be judged, rude as their habits. 
 They rarely carry their researches to any depth beneath the 
 surface ; some general rules are all their guidance, and these 
 are easily acquired. They are all familiar with the fact, that 
 the streams which descend from the Rocky Mountains, either 
 tow r ards the Atlantic or Pacific, carry in their autumnal floods 
 vast masses of earth, which form deposits in the plains ; that 
 these deposits are often charged w T ith precious ores, and some- 
 times contain great pieces of pure gold. They know, besides, 
 that the quartz rock is the usual bed w T here the precious metals 
 are found ; and that these rocks form spurs from the large 
 mountains, easily known, because they are never clothed by 
 vegetation, and called in their phraseology " Crestones." 
 
 A sharp short stroke of the " barreta," the iron-shod staff 
 of the Gambusino, soon shivers the rock where treasure is 
 suspected; and the fragments being submitted to the action 
 of a strong fire, the existence of gold is at once tested. Often 
 the mere stroke of the barreta will display the shining lustre 
 of the metal without more to do. Such is, for the most part, 
 the extent of their skill." 
 
 u 2
 
 292 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 There are, of course, gradations even here ; and some will 
 distinguish themselves above their fellows in the detection of 
 profitable sources and rich " crestones," while others rarely 
 rise above the rank of mere " washers," — men employed to 
 sift the sands and deposits of the rivers in which the chief 
 product is gold-dust. 
 
 Such, then, is the life of a " Gambusino." In this pursuit 
 he traverses the vast continent of South America from east 
 to west, crossing torrents, scaling cliffs, descending preci- 
 pices, braving hunger, thirst, heat, and snow, encountering 
 hostile Indians, and the not less terrible bands of rival ad- 
 venturers, contesting for existence with the wild animals of 
 the desert, and generally at last paying with his life the price 
 of his daring intrepidity ! Few, indeed, are ever seen as old 
 men among their native villages ; nearly all have found their 
 last rest beneath the scorching sand of the prairie. 
 
 Upon every other subject than that of treasure- seeking, 
 their minds were a perfect blank. For iJiem, the varied 
 resources of a land abounding in the products of every clime, 
 had no attraction. On the contrary, the soil which grew the 
 maize, indigo, cotton, the sugar-cane, coffee, the olive, and 
 the vine, seemed sterile and barren, since in such regions no 
 gold was ever found. The wondrous fertility of that series of 
 terraces which, on the Andes, unite the fruits of the torrid 
 zone with the lichens of the icy north, had no value in the 
 estimation of men who acknowledged but one wealth, and 
 recognized but one idol. Their hearts turned from the glo- 
 rious vegetation of this rich garden to the dry courses of the 
 torrents that fissure the Cordilleras, or the stony gorges that 
 intersect the Rocky Mountains. 
 
 The life of wild and varied adventure, too, that they led, 
 was associated with these deserted and trackless wastes. To 
 them, civilization presented an aspect of slavish subjection 
 and dull uniformity ; while in the very vicissitudes of their 
 successes there was the excitement of gambling — rich to-day, 
 they vowed a lamp of solid gold to the " Virgin " — to-morrow, 
 in beggary, they braved the terrors of sacrilege, to steal from 
 the very altar they had themselves decorated. What strange 
 and wondrous narratives did they recount as we wandered 
 over that swelling prairie ! 
 
 Many avowed that their own misdeeds had first driven 
 them to the life of the deserts ; and one who had lived for 
 years a prisoner among the Choctaws, confessed that his 
 heart still lingered with the time when he had sat as a chief 
 beside the war-fire, and planned stratagems against the tribe
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 233 
 
 of the rival Pawnees. To men of hardy and energetic tem- 
 perament, recklessness has an immense fascination. Life is 
 so often in peril, they cease to care much for whatever en- 
 dangers it, and thus, through all their stories, the one feeling 
 ever predominated, — a careless indifference to every risk, 
 coupled with a most resolute conduct in time of danger. 
 
 I soon managed to make myself a favourite with this motley 
 assemblage ; my natural aptitude to pick up language, aided 
 by what I already knew of French and German, assisted me 
 to a knowledge of Spanish and Portuguese ; while from a 
 " half-breed " I acquired a sufficiency of the Indian dialect in 
 use throughout the Lower Prairies. I was fleet of foot, besides 
 being a good shot with the rifle — qualities of more request 
 among my companions than many gifts of a more brilliant 
 order; and lastly, my skill in cookery, which I derived 
 from my education on board the Firefly, won me high esteem 
 and much honour. My life was, therefore, far from unplea- 
 sant. The monotony of the tract over which we marched 
 was more than compensated for by the marvellous tales that 
 beguiled the way. One only drawback existed on my hap- 
 piness, and yet that was sufficient to embitter many a lonely 
 hour of the night, and cast a shade over many a joyous hour 
 of the day. I am almost ashamed to confess what that 
 source of sorrow was, the more as, perhaps, my kind reader 
 will already fancy he has anticipated my grief, and say, " It 
 was the remembrance of Donna Maria ; the memory of her 
 I was never to see more." Alas, no ! It was a feeling far 
 more selfish than this afflicted me. The plain fact is, I was 
 called "The Lepero." By no other name would my com- 
 panions know or acknowledge me. It was thus they first 
 addressed me, and so they would not take the trouble to 
 change my appellation. Not that, indeed, I dared to insinuate 
 a wish upon the subject : such a hint would have been too 
 bold a stroke to hazard in a company where one was called 
 " Brise-ses-fers," — another, " Colpo-di-Sangue," — a third, 
 " Teufel's Blut," and so on. 
 
 It was to no purpose that I appeared in all the vigour of 
 health and strength. I might outrun the wildest bull of the 
 buffalo herd ; I might spring upon the half- trained " mus- 
 tang ; " and outstrip the antelope in her flight ; I might climb 
 the wall-like surface of a cliff, and rob the eagle of her young ; 
 but when I came back, the cry of welcome that met me was, 
 " Bravo, Lepero ! " And thus did I bear about with me the 
 horrid badge of that dreary time when I dwelt within the 
 Lazaretto of Bexar.
 
 294 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 The very fact that the name was not used in terms of scoff 
 or reproach increased the measure of its injury. It called 
 for no reply on my part ; it summoned no energy of resist- 
 ance ; it was, as it were, a simple recognition of certain quali- 
 ties that distinguished me and made up my identity, and at 
 last, to such an extent did it work upon my imagination, that 
 I yielded myself up to the delusion that I was all that they 
 styled me — an outcast and a leper ! When this conviction 
 settled down on my mind, I ceased to fret as before, but a 
 gloomy depression gained possession of me, uncheered save 
 by the one hope, that my life should not be entirely spent 
 among my present associates, and that I should yet be known 
 as something else than " The Lepero." 
 
 The prairie over which we travelled never varied in aspect, 
 save with the changing hours of the day. The same dreary 
 swell — the same yellowish grass — the same scathed and 
 scorched cedars — the same hazy outlines of distant mountains 
 that we saw yesterday, rose before us again to-day, as we 
 knew they would on the morrow — till at last our minds took 
 the reflection of the scene, and we journeyed along, weary, 
 silent, and foot-sore. It was curious enough to mark how 
 this depression exhibited itself upon different nationalities. 
 The Saxon became silent and thoughtful, with only a slight 
 dash of more than ordinary care upon his features — the 
 Italian grew peevish and irritable, the Spaniard was careless 
 and neglectful, while the Frenchman became downright 
 vicious in the wayward excesses of his spiteful humour. 
 Upon the half-breeds, two of whom were our guides, no 
 change was ever perceptible. Too long accustomed to the 
 life of the prairie to feel its influence as peculiar, they plodded 
 on, the whole faculties bent upon one fact, the discovery ot 
 the Chihuahua trail, from which our new track was to diverge 
 in a direction nearly due west. 
 
 Our march, no longer enlivened by merry stories or excit- 
 ing narratives, had become wearisome in the extreme. The 
 heavy fogs of the night and the great mist which arose at 
 sunset prevented all possibility of tracing the path, which 
 often required the greatest skill to detect, so that w r e were 
 obliged to travel during the sultriest hours of the day, with- 
 out a particle of shade, our feet scorched by the hot sands, 
 and our heads constantly exposed to the risk of sunstroke. 
 Water, too, became each day more difficult to obtain ; the 
 signs by which our guides discovered its vicinity seemed, to 
 me at least, little short of miraculous ; and yet, if by any 
 chance they made a mistake, the anger of the j)arty rose so
 
 THE LAZARETTO OF BEXAR. 295 
 
 near to mutiny, that nothing short of Halkett's own authority 
 could restore order. Save in these altercations, without 
 which rarely a day passed over, little was spoken ; each 
 trudged along either lost in vacuity or buried in his own 
 thoughts. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 "the placer." 
 
 As for myself, my dreamy temperament aided me greatly. I 
 could build castles for ever ; and certainly there was no lack 
 of ground here for the foundation. Sometimes I fancied my- 
 self suddenly become the possessor of immense riches, with 
 which I should found a new colony in the very remotest 
 regions of the west. I pictured to myself the village of my 
 workmen, surrounded with its patches of cultivation in the 
 midst of universal barrenness — the smiling aspect of civilized 
 life in the very centre of barbarism — the smelting furnaces, 
 the mills, the great refining factories, of which I had heard 
 so much, all rose to my imagination, and my own princely 
 abode looking down upon these evidences of my wealth. 
 
 Then, I fancied the influences of education diffusing them- 
 selves among the young, who grew up with tastes and habits 
 so different from those of their fathers. How pursuits of re- 
 finement by degrees mingled themselves with daily require- 
 ments, till at last the silent forests would echo with the 
 exciting strains of music, or the murmuring rivulet at night- 
 fall would be accompanied by the recited verses of poetry. 
 
 The primitive simplicity of such a life as I then pictured 
 was a perfect fascination : and when wearied with thinking 
 of it by day, as I dropped asleep at night, the thoughts would 
 haunt my dreams unceasingly. 
 
 This castle-building temperament — which is, after all, no- 
 thing but hope engaged practically — may, when pushed too 
 far, make a man dreamy, speculative, and visionary ; but if 
 restrained within any reasonable limits, cannot fail to support 
 rbhe courage in many an hour of trial, and nerve the heart
 
 296 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CHECAN. 
 
 against many a sore infliction. I know how it kept me up 
 when others of very different thews and sinews were falling 
 around me. Independently of this advantage, another and a 
 greater one accompanied it. These self-created visions, how- 
 ever they may represent a man in a situation of greatness or 
 power, always do so to exhibit him dispensing — what he 
 imagines at least to be — the virtues of such a station ! No 
 one, I trust, ever fancied himself a monarch for the sake of all 
 the cruelties he might inflict, and all the tyrannies he might 
 practise ; so that, in reality, this " sparring against Fortune 
 with the gloves on" is admirable practice — if it be nothing 
 else. 
 
 It was on the seventeenth day of our wanderings that the 
 guide announced that we had struck into the Chihuahua 
 " trail," and although to our eyes nothing unusual or strange 
 presented itself, Hermose exhibited signs of unmistakable 
 pride and self-esteem. As I looked around me on the unvary- 
 ing aspect of earth and sky, I could not help remembering 
 my disappointment on a former occasion, when I heard of the 
 "Banks of Newfoundland," and fancied that the Chihuahua 
 trail might have some such unseen existence as the redoubt- 
 able "Banks" aforesaid, which, however familiar to cod-fish, 
 are seldom visited by Christians. 
 
 " The evening star will rise straight above our heads to- 
 night," said Hermose — and he was correct; our path lay 
 exactly in the very line with that bright orb. The confidence 
 inspired by this prediction increased, as we found that an 
 occasional prickly pear-tree now presented itself, with, here 
 and there, a dwarf box or an acacia. As night closed in, we 
 found ourselves on the skirt of what seemed a dense wood, 
 bordered by the course of a dried-up torrent. A great wide 
 " streak " of rocks and stones attested the force and extent of 
 that river when filled by the mountain streams, but which 
 now trickled along among the pebbles with scarcely strength 
 enough to force its way. Hermose proceeded for some dis- 
 tance down into the bed of the torrent, and returned with a 
 handful of sand and clay, which he presented to Halkett, say- 
 ing, "The rains have not been heavy enough; this is last 
 year's earth." 
 
 Few as were the words, they conveyed to me an immense 
 impression of his skill, who, in a few grains of sand taken at 
 random, could distinguish the deposits of one year from 
 those of another. 
 
 " How does it look, Halkett?" cried one. 
 
 " Is it heavy ? " asked another.
 
 297 
 
 " It is worthless," said Halkett, throwing the earth 
 from him ; "but we are on the right track, lads, for 
 all that: there's always gold where the green snake 
 frequents." 
 
 It was a mystery at the time to me, how Halkett knew of 
 the serpent's vicinity, for although I looked eagerly around 
 me, I saw no trace of one. 
 
 "I vow he's a-sarchin' for the Coppernose," said a Yankee, 
 as he laughed heartily at my ignorance. 
 
 " Do you see that bird, there, upon the bough of the cedar- 
 tree ?" said Halkett; "that's the ' Choyero ; ' and wherever 
 he's found, the Coppernose is never far off." The mystery was 
 soon explained in this wise — the " Choyero " is in the habit of 
 enveloping himself in the leaves of a certain prickly cactus, 
 called " Choya," with which armour he attacks the largest of 
 these green serpents, and always successfully — the strong 
 thorny spines of the plant invariably inflicting death-wounds 
 upon the snake. Some asserted that the bird only attacked 
 the snake during his season of torpor, but others stoutly 
 averred that the Choyero was a match for any Coppernose in 
 his perfect vigour. 
 
 The approach of the long-sought-for " Placer " was cele- 
 brated by an extra allowance of rum ; and the party conversed 
 till a late hour of the night, with a degree of animation they 
 had not exhibited for a long time previous ; stories of the 
 " washings " resumed their sway — strange wild narratives — 
 the chief interest in which, however striking at the time, lay 
 in the manner of those who related them, and were themselves 
 the actors. They nearly all turned upon some incident of 
 gambling, and were strong illustrations of how completely 
 the love of gain can co-exist with a temperament utterly 
 wasteful and reckless, while both can render a man totally- 
 indifferent to every feeling of friendship. There was mention^, 
 by chance, of a certain ISTarvasque, who had been the comrade 
 of many of the party. 
 
 " He is dead," cried one. 
 
 " Caramba ! " cried another, " that is scarcely true ; they" 
 told me he was at the Austin fair this fall." 
 
 " You may rely on it he's dead," said the first, " for I know 
 it : he died on the Sacramento, and in this wise. We had had 
 a two months' run of luck at the Crestones of Bacuachez — 
 such fortune as I only hope we may soon see again : none of 
 your filthy wash and sieve work, nor any splintering of a. 
 steel barreta on a flint rock, but light digging along the stream 
 and turning up such masses of the real shining metal as would
 
 *298 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 make your heart leap to look at — lumps of thirty — thirty-five 
 — ay, forty pounds." 
 
 u There — there, Harispe ! " said an old fellow, with a long 
 pipe of sugar-cane, " if we are to swallow what's a-comin', 
 don't choke us just now." 
 
 "What does an old trapper know of the diggin's," said 
 Harispe, contemptuously, " 'tis a bee huntin' and a birds' 
 nestin' you ought to be. Smash my ribs ! if he ever saw 
 goold, except on the breast of a gooldfinch." Having silenced 
 his adversary, he resumed : 
 
 u We were all rich by the time we reached Aranchez ; but 
 what use is metal ! one can't eat it, nor drink it, nor even 
 sleep on't, and the fellows up there had got as much as we 
 had ourselves. Everything cost twenty — no, but two hundred 
 and twenty times its value ! I used to cut a goold button off 
 my coat every morning for a day's grub, so that we had to 
 make ourselves a kind of log-hut outside the village, and try 
 to vittal ourselves as best we could. There warn't much 
 savin' in that plan neither, for we drank brandy all day long, 
 and it cost half an ounce of goold every bottle of it ! Then 
 we stayed up all night and played brag, and it was that 
 finished Narvasque. He was a-betting with Shem Avery, 
 and Shem, who felt he was in for a run of luck, layed it on 
 & bit heavy like ; and the end o' it was, he won all Narvasque's 
 two months' diggin's, all to a twenty-eight ' ouncer ' that he 
 wouldn't bet for anybody — no, nor let any one see where he 
 Tiid it. Shem had his heart on that lump, and said, c I'll go 
 fifty ounces against your lump, Narvasque ; ' and the other 
 didn't take it at first, but up he gets and leaves the hut. 
 * Honour bright,' said he, ' no man follows me.' They all 
 gave their words, and he went out a short distance into the 
 wood, where he had a sheep's heart hanging near a rock, in 
 the centre of which he had concealed his treasure. He 
 wasn't three yards from the spot, when a great spotted snake 
 darts through the long grass, and making a spring at the 
 piece of meat, bolts it and away ! Narvasque followed into 
 the deep jungle, unarmed as he was ; there a deadly combat 
 must have ensued, for when his cries aroused us, as we sat 
 within the hut, we found him bitten on every part of the 
 body, and so near death, that he had only time to tell how it 
 happened, when he expired." 
 
 " And the snake ? " cried several in a breath. 
 
 " He got clear away ; we gave chase for four days after him 
 in vain : but a fellow with as much spare cash about him 
 must have come to bad ere now."
 
 "the placer." 299 
 
 " The Injians Las ripped him open afore this, depend on't," 
 said another. " There's scarce a snake of any size hasn't an 
 emerald or splice of gold in him." 
 
 '■ There's more gold lies hidden by fellows that have never 
 lived, or come back to claim it, than ye know of," said the 
 old trapper; "and that's the kind of 'Placer' Vd like to 
 chance upon, all ready washed and smelted." 
 
 " They talk of martyrs ! " said a tall, sallow Spaniard, who 
 had been educated for a priest, " let me tell you that those 
 Injians, ay, even the negroes, have endured as much torture 
 for their gold, as ever did zealot for his faith. There was a 
 fellow in my father's time, up at Guajuaqualla, who, it was 
 said, had concealed immense treasures, not -only of gold, but 
 gems, emeralds, diamonds, and rubies : well, he not only 
 refused all offers from the Gobernador of the mines to share 
 the booty, but he suffered his toes to be taken off by the 
 smelting nippers, rather than make a confession. Then 
 they tried him with what the miners call a ' nest-egg,' that is, 
 a piece of gold heated almost red, and inserted into the spine 
 of the back ; but it was all to no use, he never spoke a word." 
 
 " I heard of him ; that was a nigger called Crick," cried 
 another. 
 
 As for me, I heard no more. The sound of that name 
 which brought up the memory of my night at Anticosti and 
 all its terrors filled my heart, besides, with a strange swelling 
 of hope, vague and ill-defined it is true, but which somehow 
 opened a vision of future wealth and greatness before me. 
 The name, coupled with the place, Guajuaqualla, left no doubt 
 upon my mind that they were talking of no other than the 
 Black Boatswain himself. If I burned to ask a hundred 
 questions about him, a prudent forbearance held me back. I 
 knew that of all men living, none are so much given to sus- 
 picion and mistrust as the Gambusinos. The frauds and 
 deceits eternally in practice among them, the constant con- 
 cealments of treasure, the affected desertion of rich " Placers," 
 in order to return to them later and alone, — these and many 
 like artifices suggest a universal want of confidence, which is 
 ever at work to trace motives or attribute intentions for every 
 chance word or accidental expression. I retained my curiosity, 
 therefore ; but from that hour forward, the negro and his 
 hidden gold were ever before me. It mattered not where I 
 was, in what companionship, or how engaged. One figure 
 occupied the foreground of every picture. If my waking 
 thoughts represented him exactly as I saw him at Anticosti, 
 my sleeping fancies filled up a whole history of his life. I
 
 300 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 pictured him a slave in the " Barracoons " of his native land, 
 heavily ironed and chained. I saw him on board the slaver, 
 with bent-down head and crippled limbs, crouching between 
 the decks. I followed him to the slave-market and the sugar 
 plantation. I witnessed his sufferings, his sorrows, and his 
 vengeance. I tracked him as he fled to the woods, with the 
 deep-mouthed bloodhounds behind him ; and I stood breath- 
 less while they struggled in deadly conflict, till pale, bleeding, 
 and mangled, the slave laid them dead at his feet, and tottered 
 onward to stanch his wounds with the red gum of the liana. 
 Then came an indistinct interval ; and when I saw him next 
 it was as a gold-washer in the dark stream of the " Rio Nero," 
 his distorted limbs and mangled flesh showing through what 
 sufferings he had passed. 
 
 Broken incoherent incidents of crime and misery, of tor- 
 tured agonies and hellish vengeance, would cross my sleeping 
 imagination, amidst which one picture ever recurred, — it was 
 of the negro as I saw him at Anticosti, crouching beast-like 
 on the earth, and while he patted the ground with his hand, 
 throwing a stealthy terrified glance on every side to see that 
 he was not observed. That he fancied himself in the act of 
 concealing the gold for which he had bartered his very blood, 
 the gesture indicated plainly enough ; and in the same atti- 
 tude my fancy would depict him so powerfully, so truthfully, 
 too, that when I awoke, I had but to close my eyes again, 
 and the vision would come back with every colour and adjunct 
 of reality. 
 
 My preoccupation of mind could not have escaped the 
 shrewd observation of companions, had not the unexpected 
 discovery of gold in the sands of the river effectually turned 
 every thought into another and more interesting channel. 
 At first it was mere dust was detected, but, later on, small 
 misshapen pieces of dusky yellow were picked up, which 
 showed the gold in its most valuable form, in combination 
 with quartz rock. 
 
 Up to the moment of that discovery all was lassitude and 
 indifference. A few only gave themselves the trouble to wet 
 their feet ; the greater number sitting lazily down upon the 
 river's bank, and gazing on the " washers " with a contempt- 
 uous negligence. The failures they experienced, even their 
 humble successes, were met with sneers and laughter ; till at 
 last Hermose held up aloft a little spicula of gold about the 
 thickness of a pencil. No sooner had the brilliant lustre 
 caught their eyes, than, like hounds at the sight of the stag, 
 they sprung to their feet and dashed into the stream
 
 "the placer." 301 
 
 What a sudden change came over the scene ! Instead of 
 the silence of that dark river, through whose dull current 
 three or four figures waded noiselessly, while in lazy indolence 
 their companions lay smoking or sleeping near, now, in an 
 instant, the whole picture became animated. With plashing 
 water and wild shouts of various import the deep glen re- 
 sounded, as upwards of thirty men descended into the river ; 
 and while some examined the bed of the stream with the 
 " barretas," others dived beneath the water to explore it with 
 their hands, and bring up mingled masses of earth and dust, 
 over which they bent with earnest gaze for many minutes 
 together. 
 
 Then what cries of joy or disappointment broke forth at 
 every instant. There seemed at once to come over that 
 hardened, time-worn group of men, all the changing fickle- 
 ness of childhood. The wayward vacillations of hope and 
 despair, — bright visions of sudden wealth, with gloomy 
 thoughts of disappointment, when, suddenly, one brought up 
 from the bed of the stream something which he showed to 
 his neighbour, then to another, and another, till a knot had 
 gathered close around him, among which I found myself. 
 " What is it ? " said I, disappointed at not seeing some great 
 mass of yellow gold. 
 
 " Don't you see ! It is the fossil bone of the antelope," 
 said Hermose ; " and when the floods have penetrated deep 
 enough to unbury that, there's little doubt but we shall find 
 gold enough." 
 
 "Who says enough?" cried a Mexican, as emerging half- 
 suffocated from the water he held aloft a pure piece of metal, 
 nearly the size of a small apple ; " of such fruit as this one 
 never can eat to indigestion ! " 
 
 Halkett's whistle was soon heard, summoning the whole 
 party to a council on the bank ; nor was the call long un- 
 answered. In an instant the tanned and swarthy figures 
 were seen emerging, all dripping as they were, from the 
 stream, ascending the banks, and then throwing themselves 
 in attitudes of careless ease around the leader. 
 
 A short discussion ensued as to the locality upon which we 
 had chanced, some averring that it was an unexplored branch 
 of the " Brazo," others that it was one of those wayward 
 courses into which mountain streams are directed in seasons 
 of unusual rain. The controversy was a warm, and might 
 soon have become an angry one, had not Halkett put an end 
 to all altercation by saying, " It matters little how the place 
 be called, or what its latitude j you know the Mexican adage,
 
 302 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 4 It's always a native land where there's gold.' Thai tl..cre 
 is some here, I have no doubt ; that there is as much as will 
 repay us for the halt, is another question. My advice is, 
 that we turn the river into another course, leave the present 
 channel dry and open, and then explore it thoroughly." 
 
 " Well spoken, and true," said an old white-headed Gam- 
 busino ; " that is the plan in the far west, and they are the 
 only fellows who go right about their work." 
 
 The proposal was canvassed ably on all sides, and adopted 
 with scarcely anything like opposition ; and then parties were 
 " told off," to carry into execution different portions of the 
 labour. The section into which I fell was that of the scouts 
 or explorers, who were to track the course of the stream up- 
 wards, and search for a suitable spot at which to commence 
 operations. Hermose took the command of this party, and 
 named the " Lepero " as his lieutenant. 
 
 The " sierra " through which our path lay was singularly 
 wild and picturesque. The rocks, thrown about in every 
 fantastic shape, were actually covered with the tendrils of 
 the liana, whose great blue flowers hung in luxuriant clusters 
 from every cliff and crag. Wild fig and almond trees loaded 
 with fruit, red guavas and limes, met us as we advanced, till 
 at length we found ourselves in the very centre of a tract 
 rich in every production of our gardens, and all growing in 
 spontaneous freedom and wildness. The yellow-flowering 
 cactus, and the golden lobelia, that would have been the 
 choicest treasures of a conservatory in other lands, we here 
 broke branches off to fan away the mosquitoes and the galli- 
 nippers. The farther we went, the more fruitful and luxu- 
 riant did the tract seem. Oranges, peaches, and grapes, in 
 all the profusion of their wildest abundance, surrounded us, 
 and even littered the very way beneath our feet. To feel the 
 full enchantment of such a scene, one should have been a 
 prairie traveller for weeks, long-wearied and heart-sore with 
 the dull monotony of a tiresome journey, with fevered tongue 
 and scorching feet, with eyeballs red from the glaring sun, 
 and temples throbbing from the unshaded lustre. Then, 
 indeed, the change was like one of those wondrous transfor- 
 mations of a fairy tale, rather than mere actual life. In the 
 transports of our delight we threw ourselves down among 
 the flowering shrubs, and covered ourselves with blossoms 
 and buds ; we bound the grape clusters on our foreheads like 
 bacchanals, and tied great branches of the orange-tree round 
 us as scarfs. In all the wantonness of children, we tore the 
 fruit in handfuls, and threw it around us. The wasteful pro-
 
 " THE PLACER." 303 
 
 digality of nature seemed to suggest excess on our part, 
 prompting us to a hundred follies and extravagances. As if 
 to fill up the measure of our present joy by imparting the 
 brightness of future hope, Hermose told us that such little 
 spots of luxuriant verdure were very often found in the regions 
 richest with gold, and that we might be almost certain of 
 discovering a valuable Placer in our immediate vicinity. 
 There was another, and that no inconsiderable, advantage 
 attending these " Oases " of fertility. The Indians never 
 dared to intrude upon these precincts ; their superstition 
 being that the " Treasure God," or the " Genius of the Mine " 
 always had his home in these places, and executed summary 
 vengeance upon all who dared to invade them. This piece of 
 red-man faith, however jocularly recorded, did not meet that 
 full contempt from my comrades I could have expected. On 
 the contrary, many cited instances of disasters and calamities 
 which seemed like curious corroborations of the creed. In- 
 deed, I soon saw how naturally superstitious credences be- 
 come matter of faith to him who lives the wild life of the 
 prairies. 
 
 11 Then you think we shall have to pay the price of all this 
 enjoyment, Hermose?" said I, as I lay luxuriously beneath 
 a spreading banana. 
 
 _ " Quien Sabe ! who knows ? " exclaimed he, in his Mexican 
 dialect, and with a shrug of the shoulders that implied 
 doubt. 
 
 Although each event is well marked in my memory, and 
 the incidents of each day indelibly fixed upon my mind, it is 
 needless that I should dwell upon passages, which, however 
 at the time full of adventure and excitement, gave no par- 
 ticular direction to the course of my humble destiny. We 
 succeeded in finding a spot by which the bed of the river 
 might be changed ; and after some days of hard labour we 
 accomplished the task. 
 
 The course of the stream thus left dry for a considerable 
 distance, became the scene of our more active exertions. The 
 first week or two little was discovered, save gold dust, or an 
 occasional "spicula" of the metal, heavily alloyed with 
 copper ; but as we followed up the course, towards the moun- 
 tain, a vein of richest ore was found, lying near the surface 
 too, and; presenting masses of pure gold, many of them ex- 
 ceeding twenty ounces in weight. 
 
 There could be no doubt that we had chanced upon a most 
 valuable Placer ; and now orders were given to erect huts, 
 and such rude furnaces for testing, as our skill stood in need
 
 30-4 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 of. A strict scale of profits was also established, and a 
 solemn oath exacted from each, to be true and faithful to his 
 comrades in all things. Our little colony demanded various 
 kinds of service ; for, while the gold-seeking was our grand 
 object, it was necessary, in order to subsist the party, that 
 a corps of trappers and hunters should be formed, who should 
 follow the buffalo, the red deer, and the wild hog, over the 
 prairies. 
 
 Many declined serving on this expedition, doubtless suspect- 
 ing that the share of treasure which might be allotted to the 
 absent man, would undergo a heavy poundage. Hermose, 
 however, whose adventurous spirit inclined more willingly to 
 the excitement of the chase than the monotonous labour of a 
 washer, volunteered to go, and I offered myself to be his com- 
 panion. Some half-dozen of the youngest agreed to follow 
 us, and we were at once named — The Hunters to the Ex- 
 pedition. 
 
 The rivalry between the two careers, good-natured as it 
 was, served to amuse and interest us ; and while our blank 
 clays were certain to obtain for us a share of scoffs and jibes, 
 their unsuccessful ones did not escape their share of sarcasm. 
 If one party affected to bewail the necessity of storing up 
 treasure for a set of walking gentlemen, who passed the day 
 in pleasure-rambles about the country, the other took care to 
 express their discontent at returning loaded with spoils for a 
 parcel of lazy impostors, that lounged away their time on the 
 bank of a river. Meanwhile both pursuits flourished admir- 
 ably. Practice had made us most expert with the rifle ; and 
 as we were fortunate enough to secure some of the " mus- 
 tangs," and train them to the saddle, our " chasse " became 
 both more profitable and pleasant. By degrees, too, little 
 evidences of superfluity began to display themselves in our 
 equipment : our saddles, at first made of a mere wooden 
 trestle, with a strip of buffalo hide thrown across it, were 
 now ornamented with black bear-skins, or the more valuable 
 black fox-skin : our own costume, if not exactly conformable 
 to Parisian models, was comfortable and easy — a brown deer- 
 skin tunic, fastened by a belt around the waist; short breeches, 
 reaching to the knee-cap, which was left bare, for climbing ; 
 " botas vaqueras," very loose at top, and serving as holsters 
 for our pistols ; and a cap of fox or squirrel, usually designed 
 by the wearer, and exhibiting proofs of ingenuity, if not taste; 
 such was our dress. 
 
 Our weapons of rifle, and bowie-knife, and pistols, giving 
 it a character, which, on the boards of a minor theatre, would
 
 "the placer." 305 
 
 have been a crowning " success." We were also all mounted ; 
 some, Hermose and myself in particular, admirably so. And 
 although I often in my own heart regretted the powers of 
 strength and endurance of poor rt Charry," my little mustaug 
 steed, with his long forelock and his bushy moustaches, a 
 strange peculiarity of this breed, was a picture of compact- 
 ness and agility. 
 
 We had also constructed a rude waggon, so rude that I can 
 even yet laugh as I think on it, to carry our spoils, which 
 were far too cumbrous for a mere horse-load, and when left 
 on the prairies attracted such numbers of prairie wolves and 
 vultures as to be downright perilous. If this same waggon 
 was not exactly a type for "Long Acre," it was at least 
 strong and serviceable ; and although the wheels were far 
 nearer oval than circular, they did go round ; the noise they 
 created in so doing might have been disagreeable to a nervous 
 invalid, being something between the scream of a railway 
 train and the yell of a thousand peacocks. But I believe we 
 rather liked it ; at least I know that when some luckless 
 Sybarite suggested the use of a little bear's fat around the 
 axle, he was looked on as a kind of barbarian to whom nature 
 denied the least ear for music. 
 
 As for the " chasse " itself, it was glorious sport. Glorious 
 in the unbounded freedom to wander whither one listed ! — 
 Glorious in the sense of mastery we felt, that we alone of all 
 the millions of mankind had reached this far-away, unvisited 
 tract ! — Glorious in its successes, its dangers, and its toils! 
 There was, besides, that endless variety of adventure prairie- 
 hunting affords. Now, it was the heavy buffalo, lumbering 
 lazily along, and tossing his huge head in anger, as the rifle 
 ball pierced his dense hide! Now, it was the proudly 
 antlered stag, careering free over miles and miles of waste. 
 At another time the grizzly bear was our prey, and our sport 
 lay in the dense jungle, or among the dwarf scrub, through 
 which the hissing rattle-snake was darting, affrighted at the 
 noise. In more peaceful mood the antelope would be the 
 victim ; while the wild turkey, or the great cock of the wood, 
 would grace with his bright wavy feathers the cap of him 
 whose aim was true at longest rifle range. 
 
 And these were happy days — the very happiest of my 
 whole life ! for if, sometimes, regrets would arise about that 
 road of ambition from which I had turned off, to wander in 
 the path of mere pleasure, I bethought me that no career 
 the luckiest fortune could have opened to me would have 
 developed the same manly powers of endurance of heat and 
 
 x
 
 306 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 cold, and of peril in a hundred shapes. In no other pursuit 
 could I have educated myself to the like life of toils and 
 dangers, bringing me daily, as it were, face to face with 
 death, till I could look on him without a shudder or a fear. 
 
 I will not say that Donna Maria may not have passed 
 across the picture of my mind-drawn regrets; but if her 
 form did indeed flit past, it was to breathe a hope of some 
 future meeting, some bright time to come, the recompence of 
 all our separation. And I thought with pride how much 
 more worthy of her would I be as the prairie-hunter — the 
 fearless follower of the bear and buffalo, — accustomed to the 
 life of the wild woods, — than as the mere adventurer, whose 
 sole stock in trade was the subterfuge and deceit he could 
 practise on the unwary. 
 
 It was strange enough all this while that I seemed to have 
 lost sight of my old guide-star, — the great passion of my 
 earlier years, the desire to be a " Gentleman." It was stranger 
 still, but, after-reflection has shown me that it was true, I 
 made far greater progress toward that wished- for goal, when 
 I ceased to make it the object of my ambition.
 
 307 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 
 
 The " life of the prairie," with all its seeming monotony, was 
 very far from wearisome. The chase, which to some might 
 have presented the same unvarying aspect, to those who 
 passionately loved sport, abounded in new and exciting inci- 
 dents. If upon one day the object of pursuit was the powerful 
 bison bull, with his shaggy mane and short straight horns, on 
 another, it was the swift antelope or the prairie fox, whose 
 sable skin is the rarest piece of dandyism a hunter's pelisse 
 «an exhibit : now and then the wide-spread paw of a brown 
 "bear would mark the earth, and give us days of exciting 
 pursuit : or again, some Indian " trail " — some red-man 
 ** sign " — would warn us that we were approaching the 
 hunting-grounds of a tribe, and that all our circumspection 
 was needed. Besides these, there were changes, inappreciable 
 to the uninitiated, but thoroughly understood by us, in the 
 landscape itself, highly interesting. It is a well-known fact 
 that the shepherd becomes conversant with the face of every 
 sheep in his flock, tracing differences of expression, where 
 others would recognize nothing but a blank uniformity ; so 
 did the prairie, which at first presented one unvarying 
 expanse, become at last marked by a hundred peculiarities, 
 with which close observation made us intimate. Indeed I 
 often wondered how a great stretching plain, without a house, 
 a tree, a shrub, or a trickling brook, could supply the mate- 
 rials of scenic interest, and the explanation is almost as diffi- 
 cult as the fact. One must have lived the life of solitude 
 i and isolation which these wild wastes compel, to feel how 
 i every moss-clad stone can have its meaning — how the pre- 
 sence of some little insignificant lichen indicates the vicinity 
 « of water — how the blue foxbell shows where honey is to be 
 found — how the faint spiral motion of the pirn grass gives 
 warning that rain is nigh at hand. Then with what interest 
 at each sunset is the horizon invested, when the eye can 
 pierce space to a vast extent, and mark the fog-banks which 
 tower afar off, and distinguish the gathering clouds from the 
 dark-backed herd of buffaloes, or a group of Indians on a 
 
 x 2
 
 308 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 march. Every prairie " roll," every dip and undulation of 
 that vast surface, had its own interest, till at length I learned 
 to think that all other prospects must be tame, spiritless, and 
 unexciting, in comparison with that glorious expanse, where 
 sky and earth were one, and where the clouds alone threw 
 shadows upon the vast plain. 
 
 The habit of a hunter's life in such scenes, the constant 
 watchfulness against sudden peril, inspire a frame of mind 
 in which deep reflectiveness is blended with a readiness and 
 promptitude of aetion, gifts which circumstances far more 
 favourable to moral training do not always supply. The long 
 day passed in total solitude, since very often the party 
 separates to rendezvous at nightfall, necessarily calls for 
 thought ; not indeed the dreamy reverie of the visionary, 
 forgetful of himself and all the world, but of that active, 
 stirring, mental operation, which demands effort and will. If 
 fanciful pictures of the future as we would wish to make it, 
 intervene, they come without displacing the stern realities of 
 the present, any more than the far distances of a picture 
 interfere with the figures of the foreground. 
 
 Forgive, most kind reader, the prolix fondness with which 
 I linger on this theme. Fortune gave me but scant oppor- 
 tunity of cultivation, but my best schooling was obtained 
 upon the prairies. It was there I learned the virtue of self- 
 reliance, the only real independence. It was there I taught 
 myself to endure reverses without disappointment, and bear 
 hardships without repining. It was there I came to know 
 that he who would win an upward way in life must not build 
 upon some self-imagined superiority, but boldly enter the lists 
 with others, and make competitorship the test of his capacity. 
 They were inferior acquirements, it is true ; but I learned also 
 to bear hunger and cold, and want of rest and sleep, which in 
 my after-life were not without their value. It would savour 
 too much of a u bull " for him who writes his own memoirs 
 to apologize for egotism, still I do feel compunctions of con- 
 science about the length of these personal details — and now 
 to my story. 
 
 While we pursued our hunting pastime over the prairies, 
 the "expedition" was successful beyond all expectation. No 
 sooner was the bed of the river laid bare, than gold was dis- 
 covered in quantities, and the " washers," despising the 
 ■slower process of " sifting," betook themselves to the pick 
 and the " barreta," like their comrades. It was a season of 
 rejoicing, and, so far as our humble means permitted, of 
 festivity ; for though abounding in gold, our daily food was
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 809 
 
 buffalo and " tough doe," unseasoned by bread, or anything 
 that could prove its substitute. If the days were passed in 
 successful labour, the evenings were prolonged with narra- 
 tives of the late discoveries, and gorgeous imaginings of the 
 future, as each fancied the bright vista should be. Some were 
 for a life of unbounded excess and dissipation — the "amende," 
 as they deemed it, for all their toil and endurance ; others, 
 anticipated a career of splendour and display in the Old 
 World. The Frenchman raved of Paris and its cafes and 
 restaurants, its theatres and its thousand pleasures. A few 
 speculated upon setting forth on fresh expeditions with 
 better means of success. Halkett alone bethought him of 
 home and of an aged mother, in the far-away valley of Llan- 
 berris, whose remainder of life he longed to render easy and 
 independent. 
 
 Nor was it the least courageous act of his daring life, to 
 avow such a feeling among such associates. How they 
 laughed at his humility ! how they scoffed at the filial rever- 
 ence of the Gambusino ! Few of them had known a parent's 
 care. Most were outcasts from their birth, and started in 
 life with that selfish indifference to all others which is so 
 often the passport to success. I saw this, and perceived how 
 affection and sympathy are so much additional weight upon 
 the back of him " who enters for the plate of Fortune ;" but 
 yet my esteem for Halkett increased from that moment. I 
 fancied that his capacity for labour and exertion was greater, 
 from the force of a higher and a nobler impulse than that 
 which animated the others ; and I thought I could trace to 
 this source the untiring energy for which he was con- 
 spicuous above all the rest. It was evident, too, that this 
 <; weakness," as they deemed it, had sapped nothing of his 
 courage, nor detracted in aught from his resolute daring — 
 ever foremost, as he was, wherever peril was to be con- 
 fronted. 
 
 I ruminated long and frequently over this, to me, singular 
 trait of character. Whole days as I rambled the prairies 
 alone in search of game ; the tedious hours of the night I 
 would lie awake, speculating upon it, and wondering if it 
 were impulses of this nature that elevated men to high deeds 
 and generous actions; and — to realize my conception in one 
 word — made them " Gentlemen." 
 
 To be sure, in all the accessory advantages of such, Halkett 
 was most lamentably deficient, and it would have been labour 
 in vain to endeavour to conform him to any one of the usages 
 of the polite world ; and yet, I thought, might it not be
 
 310 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREOAN. 
 
 possible that this rude unlettered man might have within 
 him, in the recesses of his own heart, all those finer instincts, 
 all those refinements of high feeling and honour that makes 
 up a gentleman, — like a lump of pure virgin gold encased 
 in a mass of pudding-stone. The study of this problem took 
 an intense hold upon me ; for while I could recognize in 
 myself a considerable power for imitating all the observations 
 of the well-bred world, I grieved to see that these graces 
 were mere garments, which no more influenced a man's real 
 actions than the colour of his coat or the shape of his 
 hat will affect the stages of an ague or the paroxysms of a. 
 fever. 
 
 To become a "gentleman," according to my very crude 
 notions of that character, was the ruling principle of my life. 
 I knew that rank, wealth, and station, were all indispensably 
 requisite ; but these I also fancied might be easily counterfeited,, 
 while other gifts must be absolutely possessed ; — such as a 
 good address ; a skill in all manly exercises ; a personal courage 
 ever ready to the proof ; a steady adherence to a pledged word. 
 Now I tried to educate myself to all these, and to a certain 
 extent, I succeeded. In fact, I experienced what all men have' 
 who have set up a standard before them, that constant mea- 
 surement will make one grow taller. I fancied that Halketfc 
 and myself were on the way to the same object, by different 
 roads. Forgive the absurd presumption, most benevolent 
 reader ; for there is really something insufferably ludicrous 
 in the very thought ; and I make the " confession " now only 
 in the fulness of a heart which is determined to have no- 
 concealments. 
 
 That I rode my " mustang " with a greater air — that I wore 
 my black fox pelisse more jauntily — -that I slung my rifle at 
 jnj back with a certain affectation of grace — that I was- 
 altogether " got up " with an eye to the picturesque, did 
 not escape my companions, who made themselves vastly merry 
 at pretensions which, in their eyes, were so supremely ridi- 
 culous ; but which amply repaid me for all the sarcasm, by 
 suggesting a change of their name for me, — my old appella- 
 tion, " II Lepero,'* being abandoned for " II Conde," — the 
 Count. It matters little in what spirit you give a man a 
 peculiar designation : the world take it up in their own 
 fashion, and he himself conforms to it, whether for good or 
 evil. 
 
 As the " Conde," I doubtless displayed many a laughable 
 affectation, and did many things in open caricature of the 
 title ; but, on the other hand, the name spurred me on to
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 311 
 
 actions of most perilous daring, and made me confront 
 danger for the very sake of the hazard ; till, by degrees, 
 I saw that the designation conferred upon me — at first 
 in mockery — became a mark of honourable esteem among 
 my comrades. 
 
 The Prairie was fruitful in incidents to test my courage. 
 As the season wore on, and game became more scarce, we 
 were compelled to pursue the "bison" into distant tracks, 
 verging upon the hunting-grounds of an Indian tribe, called 
 the Camanches. At first our " rencontres " were confined to 
 meeting with a scout, or some small outlying party of the 
 tribe ; but later on, we ventured farther within their frontier, 
 and upon one occasion we penetrated a long and winding- 
 ravine, which expanded into a small plain, in the midst of 
 which, to our amazement, we beheld their village. 
 
 The scene was in every way a striking one. It was a few 
 minutes after sunset, and while yet the "yellow glory " of the 
 hour bathed the earth, that we saw the cane wigwams of the 
 " Camanches," as they stood at either side of a little river 
 that, with many a curve, meandered through the plain. Some 
 squaws were seated on the banks, and a number of children 
 were sporting in the stream, which appeared too shallow for 
 swimming. Here and there, at the door of the wigwams, an 
 old man was sitting smoking. Some mustangs, seemingly 
 fresh caught, were picketed in a circle, and a few boys were 
 amusing themselves, tormenting the animals into bounds and 
 curvets — the laughter the sport excited being audible where 
 we stood. The soft influence of the hour — the placid beauty 
 of the picture — the semblance of tranquil security impressed 
 on everything — the very childish gambols — were all images 
 so full of home and homelike memories, that we halted and 
 gazed on the scene in speechless emotion. Perhaps each of 
 us at that moment had traversed in imagination half a world 
 of space, and was once again a child ! As for myself, infancy 
 had been "no fairy dream," and yet my eyes filled up, and 
 yet my lip quivered as I looked. 
 
 It was evident that the warriors of the tribe were absent on 
 some expedition. The few figures that moved about were 
 either the very old, the very young, or the squaws, who, in all 
 the enjoyment of that gossiping, as fashionable in the wild 
 regions of the West as in the gilded boudoirs of Paris, sat 
 enjoying the cool luxury of the twilight. 
 
 Our party consisted of only four and myself; and standing, 
 as we did, in a grove of nut-trees, were perfectly concealed 
 from view ; no sense of danger then interfered with our
 
 812 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 enjoyment of the prospect ; we gazed calmly on the scene on 
 which we looked. 
 
 " Senhor Conde," whispered one of my party, a swarthy 
 Spaniard from the Basque, " what a foray we might make 
 yonder ! their young men are absent ; they could make no 
 defence. Caramba ! it would be rare sport." 
 
 " Conde mio ! '' cried a Mexican, who had once been a 
 horse-dealer, " I see mustangs yonder worth five hundred 
 dollars, if they are worth a cent ; let us have a dash forward, 
 and carry them off." 
 
 " There is gold in that village," muttered an old Kanchero, 
 with a white moustache ; " I see sifting-sieves drying beside 
 the stream." 
 
 And so, thought I to myself, these are the associates, who, 
 a moment back, I dreamed were sharing my thoughts, and 
 whose hearts, I fancied, were overflowing with softest 
 emotions. One, indeed, had not pronounced, and to him I 
 turned in hope. He was a dark-eyed, sharp-featured Breton. 
 " And you, Claude," said I, " what are your thoughts on this 
 matter ? " 
 
 " I leave all in the hands of my captain," said he, saluting 
 in military fashion ; " but if there be a pillage, I claim the 
 woman that is sitting on the rock yonder, with a yellow girdle 
 round her, as mine.'* 
 
 I turned away in utter disappointment. The robber-spirit 
 was the only one I had evoked, and I grew sick at heart to 
 think of it. How is it, that, in certain moods of mind, the 
 vices we are conversant with assume a double coarseness, and 
 that we feel repugnance to what daily habit had seemed to 
 have inured us ? 
 
 " Is it to be, or not?" growled the Spaniard, who, having 
 tightened his girths, and examined the lock of his rifle, now 
 stood in somewhat patient anxiety. 
 
 " Since when have we become banditti," said I, insultingly, 
 " that we are to attack and pillage helpless women and 
 children? Are these the lessons Halkett has taught us? 
 Back to the camp. Let us have no more of such counsels." 
 
 " We meet nothing but scoffs and jibes when we return 
 empty-handed," muttered the Spaniard. " It is seldom such 
 an opportunity offers of a heavy booty." 
 
 " Right-about," said I, imperiously, not caring to risk my 
 ascendency by debating the question further. They obeyed 
 without a word ; but it was easy to see that the spirit of 
 mutiny was but sleeping. For some miles of the way a 
 dreary silence pervaded the party. I tried all in my power
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 313 
 
 to bring back our old good understanding, and erase the 
 memory of the late altercation ; but even my friend Nar- 
 vasque held aloof, and seemed to side with the others. I was 
 vexed and irritated to a degree the amount of the incident 
 was far from warranting ; nor was the fact that we were re- 
 turning without any success without its influence. Moody 
 and sad, I rode along at their head, not making any further 
 effort to renew their confidence, when suddenly a spotted 
 buck started from the shelter of a prairie roll, and took his 
 way across the plain. To unsling my rifle and fire at him 
 was the work of half a minute. My shot missed; and I 
 heard, or thought I heard, a burst of contemptuous laughter 
 behind me. Without turning my head, I spurred my horse 
 to a sharp gallop, and proceeded to reload my rifle as I 
 went. The buck had, however, got a " long start " of me ; and 
 although my mustang had both speed and endurance, I soon 
 saw that the chase would prove unrewarding ; and, after a 
 hot pursuit of half a mile, I pulled up and wheeled about. 
 Where was my party ? not a trace of them was to be seen. 
 I rode up a little slope of the prairie, and then, at a great 
 way off, I could descry their figures, as with furious speed 
 they were hastening back in the direction of the Camanche 
 village. I cannot express the bitterness of the feeling that 
 came over me. 
 
 It was no longer the sense of outraged humanity which 
 filled my heart. Selfishness usurped the ground altogether, 
 and it was the injured honour of a leader, whose orders had 
 been despised. It was the affront to my authority wounded 
 me so deeply. Then I fancied to myself their triumphant 
 return to the camp, laden with the spoils of victory, and fall 
 of heroic stories of their own deeds ; while I, the captain of the 
 band, should have nothing to contribute but a lame narrative 
 of misplaced compassion, which some might call by even a 
 harsher name. Alas for weak principle ! I wished myself 
 back at their head a hundred times over. There was no 
 atrocity that, for a minute or two, I did not feel myself 
 capable of; I really believe that, if any other course were open 
 to me, I had never turned my steps back toward the camp. 
 Crest-fallen and sad indeed was I, as I rode forward — now, 
 cursing the insubordinate rabble that deserted me — now, in- 
 veighing against my own silly efforts to change the ferocious 
 instincts of such natures. In my bitterness of spirit I 
 attributed all to my foolish ambition of being " the gentle- 
 man." What business had such a character there ? or what 
 possible link could bind him to such companionship ? In
 
 314 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 my discontent, too, I fancied that these " gentlemen *,' traits 
 were like studding-sails, only available in fine weather, and 
 with a fair wind ; but that for the storms and squalls of life, 
 such fine-spun canvas was altogether unsuited. Is it needful 
 I should say that I lived to discover this to be an error ? 
 
 To reach the camp ere nightfall, I was obliged to ride fast, 
 and the quick stride of my " half-breed " did more to rally 
 my spirits than all my philosophizings. 
 
 The slight breeze of sunset was blowing over the prairie, 
 when I came in sight of the skirting of nut-wood which 
 sheltered the camp to the " southward." It was like home, 
 somehow, that spot. The return to it each evening, had 
 given it that character, and one's instincts are invariably at 
 work to make substitutes for all the " prestiges " that tell of 
 family and friends. I experienced the feeling strongly now, 
 as I entered the wood, and spurred my nag onward, impa- 
 tient to catch a glimpse at the watch-fires. As I issued 
 from the copse, and looked up towards the little table-land 
 where the camp used to stand, I saw nothing that spoke of 
 my friends. There were no fires ; not a figure moved on the 
 spot. I pressed eagerly forward to ascertain the reason ; my 
 mind full of its own explanation of the fact, in which, I own 
 it, fears were already blending. Perhaps they had removed 
 somewhat higher up the stream ; perhaps the Camanches 
 
 had been there, and a battle had been fought ; perhaps . 
 
 But why continue? Already I stood upon the spreading 
 surface of table-land, and was nearing the spot where all our 
 huts were built, and now a deep booming noise filled my ears 
 — a hollow, cavernous sound, like the sea surging within 
 some rocky cave. I listened ; it grew fuller and louder, or 
 seemed to do so, and I could mark sounds that resembled the 
 crashing of timber and the splintering of rocks. 
 
 My suspense had now risen to torture, and my poor mus- 
 tang, equally frightened as myself, refused to move a step, 
 but stood with his ears flattened back, fore legs extended, and 
 protruded nostril, sniffing, in a very paroxysm of fright. 
 
 I dismounted, and fastening his head to his fore leg, in 
 Mexican fashion, advanced on foot. Each step I made 
 brought me nearer to the sounds, which now I perceived 
 were those of a fast rolling river. A horrid dread shot 
 through my heart — my senses reeled as it struck me, — but 
 with an effort, I sprang forward, and there, deep below me, 
 in a boiling ocean of foam, rolled the river along the channel 
 which we had succeeded in damming up, on the mountain 
 side, and in whose dry bed all our labours had been followed*
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 315 
 
 In an instant the whole truth revealed itself before me : the 
 stream, swollen by the rain falling in the distant mountains, 
 had overborne the barrier, and descending with all its force, 
 had carried away village, mines, and every trace of the ill- 
 fated "Expedition." The very trees that grew along the 
 banks were at first undermined, and then swept away, and 
 might be seen waving their great branches above the flood, 
 and then disappearing for ever — like gigantic figures 
 struggling in the agony of drowning. The rude smelting- 
 house, built of heavy stones and masses of rock, had been 
 carried down with the rest. Trees whose huge size attested 
 ages of growth reeled with the shock that shook the earth 
 beside them, and seemed to tremble at their own coming 
 destiny. 
 
 The inundation continued to increase at each instant, and 
 more than once the " yellowest " waves compelled me to 
 retire. This it was which first led me to despair of my poor 
 comrades, since I inferred that the torrent had burst its 
 barrier only a short space before my arrival, and as the sun- 
 set was the hour when all the gold discovered during the day 
 was washed, before being deposited in the smelting-house, I 
 conjectured that my companions were overtaken at that 
 moment by the descending flood, and that none had escaped 
 destruction. 
 
 However the sad event took place, I never saw any of them 
 after,, and although I tracked the stream for miles, and spent 
 the entire of two days in search of them, I did not discover 
 one trace of the luckless expedition. So changed had every- 
 thing become — such, a terrible alteration had the scene under- 
 gone—that whenever I awoke from a sleep, short and broken 
 as my feverish thoughts would make it, it was with difficulty 
 I could believe that this was once the " Camp :" that where 
 that swollen and angry torrent rolled, had been the dry, 
 gravelly bed where joyous parties laboured ; that beneath 
 those cedars, where now the young alligator stirred the- 
 muddy slime, we used to sit, and chat in pleasant companion- 
 ship : that human joys, and passions, and hopes once lived 
 and nourished in that little space where ruin and desolation 
 had now set their marks, and where the weariest traveller 
 would not linger, so sorrow- struck and sad was every feature 
 of the scene. 
 
 Poor Halkett was uppermost in my thoughts ; his remem- 
 brance of his old mother ; his plans for her future happiness 
 and comfort, formed, doubtless many a long year before, and 
 only realized to be dashed for ever ! How many a wanderer
 
 316 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 ■and outcast, doubtless, like him, have sunii into unhonoured 
 graves in far-away lands, and of whom no trace exists, and 
 who are classed among the worthless and the heartless of 
 their families ; and yet, if we had record of them, we might 
 learn, perhaps, how thoughts of home — of some dear mother 
 — of some kind sister — of some brother, who had been more 
 than father — had spirited them on to deeds of daring and 
 privation — and how, in all the terrible conflict of danger in 
 which their days were spent, one bright hope of return- 
 ing home at last — glittered like a light ship on a lonely 
 sea, and shed a radiance when all around was dark and 
 dreary. 
 
 The third day broke, and still found me lingering beside 
 the fatal torrent, not only without meeting with any of my 
 former comrades, but even of that party who had returned 
 to the Indian village, not one came back. In humble imita- 
 tion of prairie habit, I erected a little cross on the spot, and 
 with my penknife inscribed poor Halkett's name. This 
 done, I led my horse slowly away through the tangled 
 underwood, till I reached the open plain, then I struck 
 out in a gallop, and rode in the direction where the sun was 
 setting. 
 
 The mere detail of personal adventures, in which the traits 
 of character, or the ever-varying aspects of human nature 
 find no place, must always prove wearisome. The most 
 " hair-breadth 'scapes " require for their interest the play of 
 passions and emotions, and in this wise the perils of the 
 lonely traveller amid the deserts of the Far West could 
 not vie in interest with the slightest incident of domestic 
 life, wherein human cares and hopes and joys are mingled up. 
 
 I will not longer trespass on the indulgence of any one who 
 has accompanied me so far, by lingering over the accidents 
 of my prairie life — nor tell by what chances I escaped death 
 in some of its most appalling forms. The " Choctaw," the 
 jaguar, the spotted leopard of the jungle, the cayman of the 
 sand lakes, had each in turn marked me for its prey, and yet, 
 preserved from every peril, I succeeded in reaching the little 
 village of "La Noria," or the " Well," which occupies one of 
 the opening gorges of the Rocky Mountains, at the outskirts 
 of which some of the inhabitants found me asleep, with 
 clothing reduced to very rags, nothing remaining of all my 
 equipment save my rifle, and a little canvas pouch of 
 ammunition. 
 
 My entertainers were miners, whose extreme poverty and 
 privation would have been inexplicable, had I not learned
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 317 
 
 that the settlement was formed exclusively of convicts, who 
 had either been pardoned during the term of their sentence, 
 or, having completed their time, preferred passing the re- 
 mainder of their lives in exile. As a "billet of conduct " 
 was necessary to all who settled at the village, the inhabitants, 
 with a very few exceptions, were peaceable, quiet, and inoffen- 
 sive, and of the less well-disposed, a rigidly severe police took 
 the most effective charge. 
 
 Had there been any way of disposing of me, I should not 
 have been suffered to remain ; but as there was no " parish " 
 to which they could " send me on," nor any distinct fund 
 upon which to charge me, I was retained in a spirit of rude 
 compassion, for which, had it even been ruder, I had been 
 grateful. The " Gobernador " of the settlement was an old 
 Mexican officer of Santa Anna's staff, called Salezar, and 
 whose "promotion " was a kind of penalty imposed upon him 
 for his robberies and extortions in the commissariat of the 
 army. He was not altogether unworthy of the trust, since 
 it was asserted that there never was a convict vice nor 
 iniquity in which he was not thoroughly versed, nor could any 
 scheme be hatched, the clue to which his dark ingenuity 
 could not discover. 
 
 I was summoned before him on the day of my arrival, and 
 certainly a greater contrast could not have been desired than 
 was the bravery of his costume to the rags of mine. A 
 Spanish hat and feathers, such as is only seen upon the 
 stage, surmounted his great red and carbuncled face ; a pair 
 of tiery red moustaches, twisted into two complete circles, 
 with a tail out of them like an eccentric " Q ; " a sky-blue 
 jacket covered with silver buttons ; tight pantaloons of the 
 same colour, and Hessian boots, made up the chief details of 
 a figure, whose unwieldy size the tightness of the dress did 
 not by any means set off to advantage. He wore besides a 
 quantity of daggers, pistols, and stilettos, suspended around 
 his person, and a huge Barcelona blade hung by two silver 
 chains from his side, the rattle and jingle of which, as he 
 spoke, appeared to give him the most lively pleasure. I was 
 ordered to stand before a table at which he sat, with a kind 
 of secretary at his side, while he interrogated me as to who 
 I was, whence I came, the object of my journey, and so forth. 
 My account of myself was given in the very briefest way I 
 could devise — totally devoid of all colouring or exaggeration, 
 and, for me, with a most singular avoidance of the romantic ; 
 and yet, to my utter discomfiture, from the very announce- 
 ment of my name, down to the last incident of my journey,
 
 318 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 he characterized every statement by the very short and 
 emphatic word " a lie," desiring the secretary to record the 
 same in his "Ledger," as his own firm conviction ; "and add," 
 said he, solemnly, " that the fellow is a spy from the States of 
 North America — that he probably belonged to some exploring 
 party into our frontier — and that he will most certainly be 
 hanged whenever the smallest offence is proved against him." 
 These benign words were most royally spoken, and I made 
 my acknowledgments for them by taking off my tattered and 
 greasy cap, and, with a most urbane bow, wishing him health 
 and happiness for half a century to come, to pronounce 
 similar blessings upon many others. 
 
 The bystanders did look, I confess, somewhat terrified at 
 my impromptu courtesy ; but Salezar, upon whom my rags, 
 and my grotesque appearance generally, produced a rather 
 amusing effect, laughed heartily, and bade them give me 
 something to eat. The order, simple and intelligible as it was, 
 at least to me, seemed to evoke the strangest signs of sur- 
 prise and astonishment, and not unreasonably ; for, as I after- 
 wards came to know, no Lazarus eat of the crumbs which fell 
 from this " rich man's table," while from the poor herd of 
 the settlers, not a crust nor a parched pea could be expected, 
 as they were fed by rations so scantily doled out as barely to 
 support life. The order to feed me was therefore issued 
 pretty much in the same spirit which made Marie Antoinette 
 recommend the starving people to eat " brioche." As no one 
 was to be found, however, bold enough to express a doubt as 
 to the facility of the measure, I was led away in silence. 
 
 A very animated little discussion arose in the street as to 
 what I was to get ? where to have it ? and who to give it ? 
 difficulties which none seemed able to solve by any explana- 
 tion save the usual Mexican one of " quien sabe ? " or " who 
 knows ? " having uttered which in accents of very convincing 
 embarrassment, each went his way, leaving me standing with 
 an old mule- driver, the only one who had not delivered him- 
 self of this speech. 
 
 Now it chanced that the well from which the village derived 
 its name of "La Noria " had originally been worked by two 
 mules, who having died off, their places were supplied by two 
 miserable asses of the prairie breed, creatures not much 
 bigger than sheep, and scarcely stronger. These wretched 
 beasts had been for years past stimulated to their daily labour 
 by the assiduous persecutions of a fierce English bull-dog, 
 who, with bark and bite, made their lives a very pretty 
 martyrdom. Either worn-out by his unremitting exertions,
 
 THE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 319 
 
 or that asses' flesh (of which, from their hocks and hind 
 quarters generally, he freely partook) disagreed with him, the 
 animal sickened and died, leaving the poor Mulero to his own 
 unaided devices to drive the donkeys round the charmed 
 circle. I believe that he did all that mere man was capable 
 of — in fact, in everything, save using his teeth, he imitated 
 closely the practices of the illustrious defunct. But asses 
 though they were, they soon discovered that the "great 
 motive principle" was wanting, and betook themselves to 
 a far easier and more congenial mode of doing the day's 
 work. 
 
 Now the Mulero was a man of thought and reflection, and 
 it occurred to him that if asses, however inadequately, could 
 yet, in some sort, perform the functions of mules, there was 
 no reason why a man, even a very poor-looking and ragged 
 one, should not replace a bull-dog. There was that hungry, 
 half-starved look about me, too, that vouched my temper 
 would not be of the sweetest : and he eyed me with the 
 glance of a connoisseur. At last Mijo — for such was he 
 called — made the proposal to me in all form : explaining that 
 my predecessor had had his rations allowed him like a colon- 
 ist, and was entitled to sleep under cover at the house of his 
 former mistress, La Seiihora Dias, " who," he added, with a 
 sly wink, " was my countrywoman." Well knowing a 
 Mexican never boggles at a lie, no matter how broad and 
 palpable, I took no notice of what I at once concluded 
 to be impossible ; but proceeded to inquire as to the precise 
 functions I might be expected to perform in my canine 
 capacity. 
 
 " A mere nothing," said he, with a shrug of his shoulders : 
 " we harness the beasts at daybreak, say three o'clock ; by 
 eight the water is all up ; then you can sleep or amuse 
 yourself till four of the afternoon, when the Comm andante 
 Salezar likes to have cool water for his bath ; that only takes 
 an hour ; then you are free again till night closes in." 
 
 " And what then ? " asked I, impatiently. 
 
 " You have your rounds at night." 
 
 " My rounds ! where, and what for ? " 
 
 " Against the prairie wolves, that now and then are daring 
 enough- to come down into the very settlement, and carry off 
 kids and lambs ; ay, and sometimes don't stop there." 
 
 He winked with a terrible significance at the last words. 
 
 " So, then, I am not only to bark at the asses all day, but 
 I am to bay the wolves by night ?" said I, half indignantly. 
 
 " Lupo did it," responded he, with a nod.
 
 820 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 u He was a dog, Senhor Mijo," said I. 
 
 " Ah, that he was ! " added he, in a tone very different from 
 my remark, accompanying it with a most disparaging glance 
 at my ragged habiliments. I read the whole meaning of the 
 look at once, and hung my head, abashed at the disparaging 
 comparison. 
 
 He waited patiently for my reply, and perceiving that I 
 was still silent, he said, " Well, is it a bargain ? " 
 
 tl Agreed," said I, with a sigh; and wondering if Fortune 
 had yet any lower depths in store for me, I followed him to his 
 hut. Mijo proceeded to acquaint me with all the details of 
 my office, and also certain peculiarities of the two beasts for 
 whose especial misery I was engaged. If compassion could 
 have entered into my nature, it might have moved me at sight 
 of them. Their haunches and hocks were notched and scored 
 with the marks of teeth, while their tails were a series of 
 round balls, like certain old-fashioned bell-ropes, the result of 
 days of suffering. 
 
 " I am so accustomed to the name, I must call you ' Lupo,' " 
 said Mijo; "you have no objection? " 
 
 " Not in the least," said I j " if a ' dog in office,' why not 
 a dog in name ? " 
 
 That same day I was conducted to the " Tienda del Gato," 
 the shop of " The Cat," at the sign of which animal La 
 Senhora Dias resided. It was a small cottage at the very 
 extremity of the village, in a somewhat pretty garden, and 
 here a kind of canteen was held, at which the settlers pro- 
 cured cigars, brandy, and other like luxuries, in exchange for 
 their " tickets of labour." 
 
 Of the Senhora, some mystery existed : the popular rumour 
 was, that she had been the favourite mistress of Santa Anna, 
 whose influence, however, could not rescue her from the fate 
 of a convict, to which she was sentenced for forgery. Her 
 great patron contrived, however, to release her from the 
 indignity of a penal settlement, and placed her at "La Noria," 
 where she had resided two years. Some said that it was to 
 conceal herself from the prying curiosity of the vulgar : 
 another, that it was to hide the brand of the letter " F," 
 burned with a hot iron in her forehead : others, again, that it 
 was by Santa Anna's express order (but what the reason ?) 
 she always wore a black velvet mask, which, since her arrival 
 at the village, none had seen her remove. 
 
 A hundred stories, one more absurd than another, were 
 circulated about her high birth and condition, and the vast 
 wealth she had once possessed. The only real clue I could
 
 TIIE FATE OF A GAMBUSINO. 321 
 
 discover to tliese narratives, being the simple fact that her 
 dog, a fierce English bull-dog — my own predecessor, and who 
 by peculiar favour was permitted to accompany her — used to 
 wear a massive silver collar, richly chased and ornamented : 
 fiction, indeed, had invested it with precious stones and gems, 
 but these were purely imaginative ornaments. Even devoid 
 of jewels, such was deemed an unequivocal proof of riches 
 among those whose poverty was of the very lowest order, 
 and La Seiihora Dias bought her " millionaire " character at 
 a cheap price. To me, the most interesting part in her story 
 was that which called her my countrywoman, and yet this 
 seemed so unlikely, and was coupled with so much that I 
 knew to be impossible, that I did not venture to believe it. 
 
 ]t was the hour of the siesta when we reached " the Cat," 
 so that I had no opportunity of seeing the Seiihora. Mijo 
 conducted me to a little building in the garden, originally 
 built as a hut for a man who watched the fruit, but latterly 
 inhabited by Lupo. There I was installed at once. Some 
 chestnut leaves were my bed, a small spring afforded me 
 water ; I was to receive eight ounces of maize bread each 
 day, with half an ounce of coffee — Lupo had "taken" the 
 latter "out" in sausages. Of the fruit of the garden, con- 
 sisting of limes, oranges, peaches, and mangoes, I was free 
 of whatever fell to the ground — a species of black mail that 
 never failed me at the dessert. These were my perquisites, 
 my duties I already knew ; and so Mijo left me, to recruit 
 myself by one day's rest, and on "the morrow," to begin my 
 labours. 
 
 I shall never forget the strange melange of feelings, plea- 
 surable and the reverse, which came over me as I first found 
 myself alone, and had time to think over my condition. 
 Many would perhaps have said that the degradation would 
 have mastered all other thoughts, and that the life to which 
 I was reduced would have tended to break down all self- 
 respect and esteem. Whether to my credit or otherwise, 
 I know not, but I did not feel thus— nay, I even went so far 
 as to congratulate myself that a source of livelihood was 
 open to me, which did not involve me in forced companion- 
 ship, and that \ might devote so many hours of each day to 
 my own undisturbed thoughts, as I wandered about that vast 
 garden, in which no other than myself appeared ever to set 
 foot. 
 
 Culture it had none, nor seemed to need it : one of my 
 duties was, to pluck the ripe fruit every day, ere I issued 
 forth to tne " Well," and place the baskets at the Seiihora's 
 
 Y
 
 322 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 door ; and save this, I believe, all was left to Nature. What 
 a wilderness of rank luxuriance it was ! The earth had be- 
 come so fertilized by the fallen fruit left to rot as it fell, that 
 the very atmosphere was loaded with the odour of peaches, and 
 oranges, and pomegranates. A thousand gaudy and brilliant 
 flowers too glittered among the tall grass that tried to overtop 
 them : and insects and creatures, of colours still more beau- 
 teous, fluttered and chirped among the leaves, making a little 
 chorus of sounds, that mingled deliciously with the rippling 
 stream that murmured near. 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 LA SENHORA. 
 
 To this very hour I am unable to say how long I remained 
 at the village of La Noria. Time slipped away unchronicled ; 
 the seasons varied little, save for about two winter months, 
 when heavy snows fell, and severe cold prevailed ; but spring 
 followed these with a suddenness that seemed like magic, 
 and then came summer and autumn, as it were, blended into 
 one, — all the varied beauties of the one season vieing with the 
 other. This was all that was wanting to complete the illu- 
 sion which the monotony of my daily life suggested : for me 
 there was no companionship — no link that bound me to my 
 fellow-men; the " Sunday," too, " shone no Sabbath-day for 
 me." The humble range of my duties never varied ; nor, 
 save with Mijo, did I ever exchange even a passing word. 
 Indeed, the hours of my labour were precisely those when all 
 others slept; and whether I tracked the wayworn asses at 
 their dreary round, or pursued my solitary path at night, my 
 own was the only voice I ever heard. It was the "life of a 
 dog ; " but after all, how many states of existence there are far 
 less desirable ! I had always wherewithal to subsist upon ; I 
 had no severe labour, nor any duty incompatible with health ; 
 and I had — greatest blessing of all— time for self-com- 
 muning and reflection : that delicious leisure, in which the 
 meanest hovel ever raised by hands becomes one's tl Home."
 
 LA. SENHORA. o'23 
 
 1 was happy, then, after my own fashion : various little con- 
 trivances to lighten my tasks amused and occupied my 
 thoughts. To bring the garden into order was also a passion 
 with me ; and although necessitated to invent and fashion the 
 tools to work with, I was not deterred by this difficulty, but 
 manfully overcame it. I greatly doubted if Watt ever gazed 
 at a new improvement in steam machinery with half the 
 delight I looked upon my first attempt at a rake. Then what 
 pleasure did I experience as I saw tbe trim beds covered with 
 blooming flowers, — the clearly-raked walks, — the grass-plots 
 close shaven and weedless ! How the thoughts of changes 
 and alterations filled my mind, as I wandered in the dreary 
 night ! What trellices did I not invent ! — what festoons of 
 tbe winding vine-branches ! — what bowers of the leafy banana ! 
 Like the old gardener, Adam, I began at last to think that 
 all these things were too beautiful for one man's gaze ; that 
 such ecstasies as mine deserved companionship, and that the 
 selfishness of my enjoyment was the greatest blot upon its 
 perfection. When this notion caught hold of me, I wandered 
 away in fancy to the " Donna Maria de los Dolores;" and 
 how fervently did I believe that, with her to share it, my 
 present existence had been a life of Paradise ! 
 
 These thoughts at last exhausted themselves, and I fell a 
 thinking why the Seiibora Dias never had the curiosity to 
 visit her garden, nor see the changes I had wrought in it. 
 To be sure, it was true, she knew nothing of them : how then 
 was I to make the fact reach her ears ? The only hours that 
 I was at liberty were those when every close-drawn curtain 
 and closed shutter proclaimed the " siesta." 
 
 It was clear enough that a whole life might slip over in 
 this fashion without my ever seeing her. There was some- 
 thing in the difficulty that prompted a desire to overcome it ; 
 and so I set myself to plan the means by which I might make 
 her acquaintance. Of the windows which looked towards 
 the garden, the blinds were always closed : tbe single door 
 that led into it as invariably locked ; I bethought me of 
 writing a humble and most petitionary epistle, setting forth 
 my utter solitude and isolation ; but where were pen and ink 
 and paper to come from ? — these were luxuries the Governador 
 himself alone possessed. My next thought was more prac- 
 ticable ; it was to deposit each morning upon her basket of 
 fruit a little bouquet of fresh flowers. But, then, would they 
 ever reach her hands ? — would not the servant purloin and 
 intercept my offering? — ay, that was to be thought of. 
 
 By most assiduous watching, 1 at last discovered that her 
 
 t 2
 
 324 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 bedroom looked into the garden by a small grated window, 
 almost hidden by the gnarled branches of a wild fig-tree. 
 This at once afforded me the opportunity I desired, and up 
 the branches of this I climbed each morning of my life, to 
 fasten to the bars my little bouquet of flowers. 
 
 "With what intense expectancy did I return home the first 
 morning of my experiment ! what vacillations of hope and 
 fear agitated me as I came near the garden, and looking up, 
 saw to my inexpressible delight that the bouquet was gone ! 
 I could have cried for very joy ! At last I was no longer an 
 outcast, forgotten by my fellows. One, at least, knew of my 
 existence, and possibly pitied and compassionated my deso- 
 lation. 
 
 I needed no more than this to bind me again to the love of 
 life ; frail as was the link, it was enough whereupon to hang 
 a thousand hopes and fancies, and it suggested matter for 
 cheering thought, where before the wide waste of existence 
 stretched pathless and purposeless before me. How I longeu 
 for that skill by which I might make the flowers the inter- 
 preters of my thoughts ! I knew nothing of this, however ; 
 I could but form them into such combinations of colour and 
 order as should please the senses, but not appeal to the heart ; 
 and yet I did try to invent a language, forgetting the while 
 that the key of the cipher must always remain with myself. 
 
 It chanced that one night, when on my rounds outside the 
 village, I suddenly discovered that 1 had forgotten the caps 
 for my rifle. I hastened homeward to fetch them, and en- 
 tered the garden b} T a small door, which I had myself made, 
 and of which few were cognizant. It was a night of bright 
 moonlight; but the wind was high, and drifted large masses 
 of cloud across the sky, alternately hiding and displaying the 
 moon. Tracking, with an instinct too well trained to be- 
 come deceptive, the walks of the garden, while a dark mass 
 shut out the " lamp of night," I reached my hut, when sud- 
 denly, on a little stone-bench beside the door, I beheld a 
 female figure seated. She was scarcely four yards from 
 where I stood, and in the full glare of the moonlight, as pal- 
 pable as at noon-day. She was tall and elegantly formed ; 
 her air and carriage, even beneath the coarse folds of a com- 
 mon dress of black serge, such as bespoke condition ; her 
 hands, too, were white as marble, and finely and delicately 
 formed ; in one of them she held a velvet mask, and 1 watched 
 with anxiety to see the face from which it had been removed, 
 which was still averted from me. At last she turned slowly 
 round, and I could perceive that her features, although woru
 
 LA SENHORA. 325 
 
 by evident suffering and sorrow, had once been beautiful ; 
 the traits were in perfect symmetry ; the mouth alone had a 
 character of severity, somewhat at variance with the rest, but 
 its outline was faultless — the expression only being unpleasing. 
 The dark circles around the eyes attested the work of years 
 of grief — bitter and corroding. 
 
 What should I do ? advance boldly, or retire noiselessly 
 from the spot? If the first alternative presented perhaps 
 the only chance of ever speaking to her, it might also prevent 
 her ever again visiting the garden. This was a difficulty, 
 and ere I had time to solve it, she arose to leave the spot. 
 I coughed slightly — she halted and looked around, without 
 any semblance of terror or even surprise, and so we stood face 
 to face. 
 
 ''You should have been on your rounds on this hour!" 
 said she, with a manner of almost stern expression, and using 
 the Spanish language. 
 
 " So I should, Seiihora ; but having forgot a part of my 
 equipment, I returned to seek it." 
 
 " They would punish you severely if it were known," said 
 she, in the same tone. 
 
 " I am aware of that," replied I, " and yet I would incur the 
 penalty twice over to have seen one of whom my thoughts 
 for every hour these months past have been full." 
 
 " Of me ? — you speak of me ? " 
 
 " Yes, Seiihora, of you. I know the presumption of my 
 words ; but bethink you that it is not in such a spirit they 
 are uttered, but as the cry of one humbled and humiliated 
 to the very dust, and who, on looking at you, remembers the 
 link that binds him to his fellows, and for the instant rises 
 above the degradation of his sad condition." 
 
 " And it is through me — by looking at me — such thoughts 
 are inspired ! " said she, in an accent of piercing anguish. 
 "Are you an English youth ? " 
 
 "Yes, Seiihora, as much as an Irishman can call him- 
 self." 
 
 " And is this the morality of your native land," said she, 
 in English, "that you can feel an elevation of heart and 
 sentiment from the contemplation of such as I am ? Shame, 
 sir— shame upon your falsehood, or worse shame upon your 
 principle." 
 
 " I only know you as my day and night dreams have made 
 you, lady — as the worshipper creates his own idol." 
 
 " But you have heard of me ? ; ' said she, speaking with a 
 violence and rapidity that betokened a disordered mind.
 
 823 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " All the world lias heard of me, from the Havannah to Gua~ 
 jaqualla, as the poisoner and the forger I" 
 
 I shook my head, dissentingly. 
 
 " It is then because you are less than human ! " said she, 
 scoffingly, " or you had heard it ; but mind, sir, it is untrue. 
 I am neither." She paused, and then, in a voice of terrible 
 emotion, said, " There is enough of crime upon this poor 
 head, but not that ! . And where have you lived, not to 
 have heard of La Senhora Dias ? " said she, with an hysteric 
 laugh. 
 
 In a few words I told her how I had made part of a great 
 gold-searching expedition, and been utterly ruined by the 
 calamity which destroyed my companions. 
 
 " You would have sold yourself for gold wherewith to buy 
 pleasure ! " muttered she to herself. 
 
 " I was poor, lady — I must needs do something for my 
 support." 
 
 " Then why not follow humble labour ? What need of 
 wealth ? Where had you learned its want or acquired the 
 taste to expend it ? You could only have imitated rich 
 men's vices, not their virtues that sometimes ennoble them." 
 
 The wild vehemence of her manner, as with an excessive 
 rapidity she uttered these words, convinced me that her 
 faculties were not under the right control of reason, and I 
 followed her with an interest even heightened by that sad 
 impression. 
 
 " You see no one — you speak to none," said she, turning 
 round, suddenly, " else I should bid you forget that you have 
 ever seen me." 
 
 "Are we to meet again, Senhora?" said I, submissively, 
 as I stood beside the door of which she held the key in her 
 hand. 
 
 " Yes — perhaps — I don't know ; " and so saying, she left 
 me. 
 
 Two months crept over, and how slowly they went ! with- 
 out my again seeing the Senhora. Were it not that the 
 bouquets which each morning I fastened to the window-bars 
 were removed before noon, I could have fancied that she had 
 no other existence than what my dreamy imagination gave 
 her. The heavy wooden "jalousies " were never opened — 
 the door remained close locked — not a foot- tread marked the 
 gravel near it. It was clear to me she had never crossed the 
 threshold since the night I first saw her. 
 
 I fell into a plodding, melancholy mood. The tiresome 
 routine of my daily life — its dull unvarying monotony began
 
 LA SENHORA. 8 '2 7 
 
 to wear into my soul, and I ceased either to think over the 
 past, or speculate on the future ; but would sit for hours long 
 in a moody reverie, actually unconscious of everything. 
 
 Sometimes I would make an effort to throw off this de- 
 spondency, and try, by recollection of the active energy of my 
 own nature, to stir up myself to an effort of one kind or 
 other ; but the unbroken stillness — the vast motionless soli- 
 tude around me — the companionless isolation in which I lived, 
 would resume their influence, and with a weary sigh I would 
 resign myself to a hopelessness that left no wish in the heart 
 save for a speedy death. 
 
 Even castle-building — the last resource of imprisonment — 
 ceased to interest. Life had also resolved itself into a succes- 
 sion of dreary images of which the voiceless prairie, the 
 monotonous water-wheel, the darkened path of my midnight 
 patrol were the chief: and I felt myself sinking day by day, 
 hour by hour, into that resistless apathy through which no 
 ray of hope ever pierces. 
 
 At last I ceased even to pluck the flowers for the Sefihora's 
 window. I deemed any exertion which might be avoided, 
 needless ; and taxed my ingenuity to find out contrivances to 
 escape my daily toil. The garden I neglected utterly, and in 
 the wild luxuriance of the soil the rank weeds soon effaced 
 every sign of former culture. What a strange frame of mind 
 was mine! even the progress of this ruin gave me a 
 pleasure to the full as great as that once felt in witness- 
 ing the blooming beauty of its healthful vegetation. I used 
 to walk among the rank and noisome weeds, with the savage 
 delight of some democratic leader who saw his triumph, amid 
 the downfall of the beautiful, the richly-prized and the valued, 
 experiencing a species of insane pleasure in the thought of 
 some fancied vengeance. 
 
 How the wild growth of the valueless weed overtopped the 
 tender excellence of the fragrant plant — how the noisome 
 odour overpowered its rich perfume — how, in fact, barbarism 
 lorded it over civilization, became a study to my distorted 
 apprehension ; and I felt a diabolical joy at the victory. 
 
 A little more, and this misanthropy had become madness ; 
 but a change was at hand. I was sitting one night in the 
 garden — it was already the hour when my " patrol " should 
 have begun, but latterly I had grown indifferent to the call of 
 duty : as Hope died out within me, so did Fear also, and I 
 cared little for the risk of punishment ; nay, more, a kind cf 
 rebellious spirit was gaining upon me, and I wished for some 
 accident which might bring me into collision with some one.
 
 328 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 As I sat thus, I heard a footstep behind me : I turned, and saw 
 the Senhora close to me. I did not rise to salute her, but 
 gazed calmty, and sternly, without speaking. 
 
 " Has the life of the dog imparted the dog's nature ? " said 
 she, scoffingly. " Why don't you speak ? " 
 
 " I have almost forgotten how to do so," said I, sulkily. 
 
 " You can hear, at least ? " 
 
 I nodded assent. 
 
 " And understand what you hear ? " 
 
 I nodded again. 
 
 M Listen to me, then, attentively, for I have but a short time 
 to stay, and have much to tell you ! and first of all, do you 
 wish to escape from hence ? " 
 
 " Do I wish it! " cried I; and in the sudden burst, long 
 dried-up sources of emotion opened out afresh, and the heavy 
 tears rolled down my cheeks. 
 
 " Are you willing to incur the danger of attempting it ? '* 
 
 " Ay, this instant ! " 
 
 " If so, the means await you. I want a letter conveyed to 
 a certain person in the town of Guajuaqualla, which is about 
 two hundred miles distant." 
 
 " In which direction ? " asked I. 
 
 " You shall see the map for yourself; here it is," said she, 
 giving me a small package, which contained a map and a 
 mariner's compass ; " 1 only know that the path lies over the 
 prairie, and by the banks of a branch of the Red River. 
 There are villages and farmhouses when you have reached 
 that region." 
 
 " And how am I to do so, unmolested, Senhora ? — a foot- 
 traveller on the prairie must be overtaken at once." 
 
 "You shall be well mounted on a mustang worth a thou- 
 sand dollars ; but ride him without spurring. If he bring 
 you safe to Guajuaqualla he has paid his price." She then 
 proceeded to a detail, which showed how well and maturely 
 every minute circumstance had been weighed and considered. 
 The greatest difficulty lay in the fact that no water was to be 
 met with nearer than eighty miles, which distance I should 
 be compelled to compass on the first day. If this were a 
 serious obstacle on one side, on the other it relieved me of 
 all apprehension of being captured after the first forty or 
 fifty miles were accomplished, since my pursuers would 
 scarcely venture farther. 
 
 The Senhora had provided for everything. My dress, which 
 would have proclaimed me as a runaway " settler," was to be 
 exchanged for the gay attire of a Mexican horse-dealer; a
 
 LA SENHOHA. 323 
 
 green velvet jacket and hose, all slashed and decorated with 
 jingling silver buttons, pistols, sabre, and rifle to suit. The 
 mustang, whose saddle was to be fitted with the usual accom- 
 paniment of portmanteau and cloak, was also to have the 
 leathern purse of the " craft," with its massive silver lock, 
 and a goodly ballast of doubloons within. Two days' pro- 
 visions, and a gourd of brandy, completed an equipment 
 which to my eyes was more than the wealth of an empire. 
 
 "Are you content? " asked she, as she finished the cata- 
 logue. 
 
 I seized her hand, and kissed it with a warm devotion. 
 
 " Now for the reverse of the medal. You may be over- 
 taken ; pursuit is almost certain; it may be successful ; if so 7 
 you must tear the letter I shall give you to fragments, so 
 small that all detection of its contents may be impossible. 
 Sell your life clearly : this I counsel you, since a horrible 
 death would be reserved for you if taken prisoner. Above 
 all, don't betray me." 
 
 " I swear it ! " said I, solemnly, as I held up my hand in 
 evidence of the oath. 
 
 " Should you, however, escaping all peril, reach Guajua- 
 qualla in safety, you will deliver this letter to the Senhor 
 Estavan Olares, a well-known banker of that town. He will 
 present you with any reward you think sufficient for your 
 services, the peril of which cannot be estimated beforehand. 
 This done— and here, mark me ! I expect your perfect fidelity 
 — all tie is severed between us. You are never to speak of 
 me so long as I live ; nor, if by any sun of Fortune we 
 should chance to meet again in life, are you to recognize me. 
 You need be at no loss for the reasons of this request : the 
 position in which I am here placed — the ignominy of an 
 unjust sentence, as great as the shame of the heaviest guilt — 
 will tell you why I stipulate for this. Are we agreed?" 
 
 II We are. When do I set out ? " 
 
 " To-morrow, by daybreak ; leave this a little before your 
 usual time, pass out of the village, and, taking the path that 
 skirts the beech wood, make for the Indian ground — you 
 know the spot — at the cedar tree, close to that you will find 
 your horse all ready — the letter is here." Now for the first 
 time her voice trembled slightly, and for an instant or two 
 she seemed irresolute. " My mind is sometimes so shaken by 
 suffering," said she, " that I scarcely dare to trust its guid- 
 ance ; and even now I feel as if the confidence I am about to 
 place in an utter stranger, in an " 
 
 " Outcast, you would say," said I, finishing what she fal-
 
 330 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 tered at. " Do not fear, then, one humbled as I have been 
 can take offence at an epithet." 
 
 " Nor is it one such as I am, who have the right to confer 
 it," said she, wiping the heavy drops from her eyes : — " Good- 
 bye, for ever ! — since, if you keep your pledge, we are never 
 to meet again." She gave me her hand, which I kissed twice, 
 and then turning away, she passed into the house ; and before 
 I even knew that she was gone, I was standing alone in 
 the garden, wondering if what had just occurred could be 
 real. 
 
 If my journey was not without incident and adventure, 
 neither were they of a character which it is necessary I should 
 inflict upon my reader, who doubtless ere this has felt all the 
 wearisome monotony of prairie life by reflection. Enough 
 that I say, after an interesting mistake of the " trail," which 
 led me above a hundred miles astray ! I crossed the Conchos 
 River within a week, and reached Chihuahua, a city of con- 
 siderable size, and far more pretensions than any I had yet 
 seen in the " Far West." 
 
 Built on the narrow gorge of two abrupt mountains, the 
 little town consists of one great staggling street, which 
 occupies each side of a torrent that descends in a great 
 tumbling mass of foam and spray along its rocky course. It 
 was the time of the monthly market or fair when I arrived, 
 and the streets were crowded with peasants and muleteers in 
 every imaginable costume. The houses were mostly built 
 with projecting balconies, from which gay-coloured carpets 
 and bright draperies hung down, while female figures sat 
 lounging and smoking their cigarettes above — the aspect of 
 the place was at once picturesque and novel. Great wooden 
 waggons of melons and cucumbers, nuts, casks of olive oil and 
 wine ; bales of bright scarlet cloth, in the dye of which they 
 excel ; pottery ware ; droves of mustangs, fresh caught and 
 capering in all their native wildness ; flocks of white goats, 
 from the Cerzo Gorde, whose wool is almost as fine as the 
 Llama's ; piles of firearms from Birmingham and Liege, 
 around which groups of admiring Indians were always 
 gathered ; parroquets and scarlet jays, in cages ; richly- 
 ornamented housings for mule teams ; brass-mounted saddles, 
 and a mass of other articles, littered and blocked up the 
 way, so that all passage was extremely difficult. 
 
 Before I approached the city, I had been canvassing with 
 myself, how best I might escape from the prying inquisitive- 
 ness to which every stranger is exposed on entering a new 
 community. I might have spared myself the trouble, for I
 
 LA SENHORA. 331 
 
 found that I was perfectly unnoticed in the motley throng 
 with which I mingled. 
 
 My strong-boned, high-bred mustang, indeed, called forth 
 many a compliment as I rode past ; but none had any eye, 
 nor even a word, for the rider. At last, as I was approaching 
 the inn, I beheld a small knot of men, whose dress and looks 
 were not unfamiliar to me ; and in a moment after, I remem- 
 bered that they were the Yankee horse-dealers I had met 
 with at Austin, some years before. As time had changed 
 me far more than them, I trusted to escape recognition, not 
 being by any means desirous of renewing the acquaintance. I 
 ought to say, that besides my Mexican costume, I wore a very 
 imposing pair of black moustaches and beard, the growth of 
 two years at " La Noria," so that detection was not very easy. 
 
 While I was endeavouring to push my way between two 
 huge hampers of tomatos and lemons, one of this group, 
 whom I at onoe recognized as Seth Chiseller, laid his hand 
 on my beast's shoulder, and said, in Spanish, " The mustang 
 is for sale ? " 
 
 "No, Senhor," said I, with a true Mexican flourish; "he 
 and all mine stand at your disposal, but I would not sell him." 
 
 Not heeding much the hackneyed courtesy of my speech, he 
 passed his hands along the animal's legs, feeling his tendons, 
 and grasping his neat pasterns. Then, proceeding to the 
 hocks, he examined them carefully ; after which he stepped a 
 pace or two backwards, the better to survey him, when he 
 said, " Move him along in a gentle trot." 
 
 " Excuse me, Senhor, I came here to buy, not to sell. This 
 animal I do not mean to part with." 
 
 " Not if I were to offer you five hundred dollars ? " said 
 he, still staring at the beast. 
 
 " Not if you were to say a thousand, Senhor," said I, 
 haughtily ; M and now pray let me pass into the court, for we 
 are both in need of refreshment." 
 
 " He an't no Mexican, that 'ere chap," whispered one of 
 the group to Chiseller. 
 
 "He sits more like a Texan," muttered another. 
 
 u He'll be the devil, or a Choctaw outright, but Seth will 
 have his beast out of him," said another with a laugh ; and 
 with this the group opened to leave me a free passage into 
 the inn-yard. 
 
 All the easy assurance I could put on did not convince 
 myself that my fears were not written in my face as I rode 
 forward. To be sure I did swagger to the top of my bent ; 
 and as I flung myself from the saddle, I made my rifle,
 
 332 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 my brass scabbard, my sabretache, and my spurs per- 
 form a crash that drew many a dark eye to the windows, and 
 set many a fan fluttering in attractive coquetry. 
 
 " What a handsome Caballero ! how graceful and well- 
 looking ! " I thought I could read in their flashing glances ; 
 and how pleasant was such an imaginary amende for the 
 neglect I had suffered hitherto. 
 
 Having commended my beast to the hands of the ostler, 
 [ entered the inn with all the swaggering assurance of my 
 supposed calling ; but, in good earnest, with anything but an 
 easy heart at the vicinity of Seth and his followers. The 
 public room into which I passed was crowded with the 
 dealers of the fair, in busy and noisy discussion of their 
 several bargains ; and had I been perfectly free of all per- 
 sonal anxieties, the study of their various countenances, 
 costumes, and manners, had been most amusing, combining 
 as they did every strange nationality, — from the pale-faced, 
 hatchet-featured New Englander, to the full-eyed, swarthy 
 descendant of old Spain ; the mongrel Frenchman of New 
 Orleans, with the half-breed of the prairies, more savage in 
 feature than the Pawnee himself; the shining negro, the 
 sallow Yankee, the Jew from the Havannah, and the bucca- 
 neer-like sailor, who commanded his sloop, and accompanied 
 him as a species of body-guard — were all studies in their 
 way, and full of subject for after-thought. 
 
 In this motley assemblage it may easily be conceived that 
 I mingled unnoticed, and sat down to my mess of "frijoles 
 with garlic " without even a passing observation. As I ate 
 on, however, I was far from pleased by remarking that Seth 
 and another had taken their seats at a table right opposite, 
 and kept their eyes full on me, with what, in better society, 
 had been a most impudent stare. I affected not to perceive 
 this, and even treated myself to a flask of French wine, with 
 the air of a man revelling in undisturbed enjoyment ; but all 
 the rich bouquet, all the delicious flavour were lost upon me; 
 the sense of some impending danger overpowered all else, 
 and let me look which way I would, Seth and his buff-leather 
 jacket, his high boots, immense spurs, and enormous horse 
 pistols, rose up before me like a vision. 
 
 I read in the changeful expression of his features, the 
 struggle between doubt and conviction as to whether he had 
 seen me before. I saw what was passing in his mind, and I 
 tried a thousand little arts and devices to mystify him. If I 
 drank my wine, I always threw out the last drops of each glass 
 upon tie floor ; when I smoked, I rolled my cigar between
 
 LA SENHORA. 333 
 
 my palms, and patted and squeezed it in genuine Mexican 
 fashion. I turned up the points of my moustache like a true 
 hidalgo, and played Spaniard to the very top of my bent. 
 
 Not only did. these airs seem not to throw him off the scent, 
 but I remarked that he eyed me more suspiciously, and often 
 conversed in whispers with his companion. My anxiety had 
 now increased to a sense of fever, and I saw that if nothing 
 else should do so, agitation alone would betray me. I 
 accordingly arose, and called the waiter to show me to a 
 room. 
 
 It was not without difficulty that one could be had, and 
 that was a miserable little cell, whitewashed, and with no 
 other furniture than a mattress and two chairs. At least, 
 however, I was alone ; I was relieved from the basilisk glances 
 of that confounded horse-dealer, and T threw myself down on 
 my mattress in comparative ease of mind, when suddenly I 
 heard a smart tap at the door, and a voice called out, with a 
 very Yankee accent, " I say, friend, I want a word with you." 
 
 I replied, in Spanish, that if any one wanted me, they must 
 wait till I had taken my " siesta." 
 
 " Take your siesta another time, and open your door at 
 once ; or mayhap I'll do it myself! " 
 
 " Well, sir," said I, as I threw it open, and feigning a look 
 of angry indignation, the better to conceal my fear •, " what 
 is so very urgently the matter, that a traveller cannot take 
 his rest, without being disturbed in this fashion? " 
 
 "Hoity-toity! what a pucker you're in, boy!" said he, 
 shutting the door behind him; " and we old friends, too ! " 
 
 " When, or where, have we ever met before ? " asked I, 
 boldly. 
 
 " For the ' where,' — it was up at Austin, in Texas ; for the 
 * when,' — something like three years bygone." 
 
 I shook my head, with a saucy smile of incredulity. 
 
 "Nay, nay, don't push me farther than I want to go, lad. 
 Let bygones be bygones, and tell me what's the price of your 
 beast, yonder." 
 
 " I'll not sell the mustang," said I, stoutly. 
 
 " Ay, but you will, boy ! and to me, too ! And it's Seth 
 Chiseller says it!" 
 
 " No man can presume to compel another to part with his 
 horse against his will, I suppose ? " said I, affecting a cool- 
 ness I did not feel. 
 
 " There's many a stranger thing than that happens in these 
 wild parts. I've known a chap ride away with a beast — just 
 without any question at all ! "
 
 831 TEE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " That was a robbery ! " exclaimed I, in an effort at 
 virtuous indignation. 
 
 " It warn't far off from it," responded Seth ; " but there's a 
 reward for the fellow's apprehension, and there it be ! " and 
 as he spoke he threw a printed handbill on the table, of which 
 all that I could read with my swimming eyes were the words, 
 " One Hundred Dollars Reward," — " a mare called Char- 
 coal," — " taking the down trail towards the San Jose." 
 
 " There was no use in carrying that piece of paper so far," 
 said I, pitching it contemptuously away. 
 
 " And why so, lad ? " asked he, peering inquisitively at me. 
 
 " Because this took place in Texas, and here we are in 
 Mexico." 
 
 " Mayhap, in strict law that might be something," said he, 
 calmly ; " but were I to chance upon him, why shouldn't I 
 pass a running-knot over his wrists, and throw him behind 
 me on one of my horses? Who's to say 'You shan't? ' or 
 who's to stop a fellow that can ride at the head of thirty well 
 mounted lads, with Colt's revolvers at the saddle-bow — tell 
 me that, boy ! " 
 
 "In the first place," said I, "the fellow who would let 
 himself be taken and slung on your crupper, like a calf for 
 market, deserves nothing better ; and particularly so long as 
 he owned a four-barrelled pistol like this ! " — and here I 
 drew the formidable weapon from my breast, and held it 
 presented towards him, in a manner that it is rarely agreeable 
 to confront. 
 
 " Put down your irons, lad," said he, with the very slightest 
 appearance of agitation in his manner, " we'll come to terms 
 without burning powder." 
 
 " I ask for nothing better," said I, putting up my weapon; 
 "but I'll not stand being threatened." 
 
 He gave a short dry laugh, as though the conceit of my 
 speech amused him, and said, " Now to business — I want that 
 mustang." 
 
 " You shall have him, Seth," said I, " the day he reaches 
 Guajuaqualla, whither I am bound in all haste." 
 
 "lama going north," said Seth, gruffly, " and not in that 
 direction." 
 
 " You can send one of your people along with me, to fetch 
 him back." 
 
 " Better to leave him with me now, and take a hack for the 
 journey," said he. This was rather too much for my temper; 
 and I ventured to say that he who was to receive a present 
 should scarcely dictate the conditions accompanying it.
 
 LA SEXHORA. 835 
 
 " It's a ransom, boy — a forfeit — not a present," said he, 
 gravely. 
 
 " Let us see if you can enforce it, then," said I, instinctively 
 grasping the weapon within my coat breast. 
 
 "There, now, you're angry again! " said he, with his im- 
 perturbable smile ; " if we're to have a deal together, let us 
 do it like gentlemen." 
 
 Now probably a more ludicrous caricature of that character 
 could not have been drawn than either in the persons, the 
 manners, or the subject of the transaction in hand ; but the. 
 word was talismanic, and no sooner had he uttered it than I 
 became amenable to his very slightest suggestion. 
 
 " Let me have the beast — I want him ; and I see your 
 holsters and saddle-bags have a jingle in them that tells 
 me dollars are plenty with you ; and as to this" — he threw 
 the piece of paper offering the reward at his feet — " the man 
 who says anything about it will have to account with Seth 
 Chiseller— that's all." 
 
 " How far is it from this to Guajuaqualla? " 
 
 "About a hundred and twenty miles by the regular road, 
 but there's a trail the miners follow makes it forty less. Not 
 that I would advise you to try that line ; the runaway niggers 
 and the half-breeds are always loitering about there, and 
 they're over ready with the bowie knife, if tempted by a 
 dollar or two." 
 
 Our conversation now took an easy, almost a friendly tone. 
 Seth knew the country and its inhabitants perfectly, and 
 became freely communicative in discussing them, and all his 
 dealings with them. 
 
 "Let us have a flask of 'Aguadente/ " said he, at last. 
 " and then we'll join the fandango in the court beneath." 
 
 Both propositions were sufficiently to my taste ; and by way 
 of showing that no trace of any ill-feeling lingered in my 
 mind, I ordered an excellent supper and two flasks of the 
 best Amontillado. 
 
 Seth expanded, under the influence of the grape, into a 
 most agreeable companion. His personal adventures had 
 been most numerous, and many of them highly exciting ; and 
 although a certain Yankee suspiciousness of every man and 
 his motives tinged all he said, there was a hearty tone of good- 
 nature about him vastly different from what I had given him 
 credit for. 
 
 The Amontillado being discussed, Seth ordered some Mexi- 
 can " Paquaretta," of delicious flavour, of which every glass 
 seemed to inspire one with brighter views of life ; nor is it
 
 d33 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 any wonder if my fancy converted the rural belles of the court- 
 yard into beauties of the first order. 
 
 The scene was a very picturesque one. Atrellised passage, 
 roofed with spreading vines in full bearing, ran around the 
 four sides of the building, in the open space of which the 
 dancers were assembled. Gay lamps of painted paper and 
 rude pine-torches lit up the whole, and gave to the party- 
 coloured and showy costumes an elegance and brilliancy 
 which the severer test of daylight might have been ungener- 
 ous enough to deny. The olive-brown complexion — the flash- 
 ing dark eyes — the graceful gestures —the inspiriting music — 
 the merry voices — the laughter — were all too many ingredients 
 of pleasure to put into that little crucible, the human heart, 
 and not amalgamate into something very like enchantment, 
 — a result to which the Paquaretta perhaps contributed. 
 
 Into this gay throng Seth and I descended, like men deter- 
 mined, in Mexican phrase, to "take pleasure by both horns." 
 It was at the very climax of the evening's amusement we 
 entered. The dance was the Mexican fandango, which is 
 performed in this wise : — a lady stepping into the circle, after 
 displaying her attractions in a variety of graceful evolutions, 
 makes the "tour " of the party in search of the Caballero she 
 desires to take as her partner. It is at his option either to 
 decline the honour by a gesture of deferential humility, or 
 accepting it, he gives her some part of his equipment — his 
 hat, his scarf, or his embroidered riding-glove, to be after- 
 wards redeemed as a forfeit ; the great amusement of the 
 scene consisting in the strange penalties exacted, which are 
 invariably awarded with a scrupulous attention to the peculiar 
 temperament of the sufferer. Thus, a miserly fellow is certain 
 to be mulcted of his money ; an unwieldy mass of fears and 
 terrors is condemned to some feat of horsemanship ; a gour- 
 mand is sentenced to a dish of the least appetizing nature, and 
 so on : each is obliged to an expiation which is certain to 
 amuse the bystanders. While these are the "blanks " in the 
 lottery, the prizes consist in the soft seductive glances of eyes 
 that have lost nothing of Castilian fire in their transplanting 
 beyond seas — in the graceful gestures of a partner to whom 
 the native dance is like an expressive language, and whose 
 motions are more eloquent than words — in being, perhaps, the 
 favoured of her whose choice has made you the hidalgo of the 
 evening : and all these, even without the aid of Paquaretta, 
 are no slight distinctions. 
 
 Were the seductions less attractive, it is not a man whose 
 Irish blood has been set a-glowingwith Spanish wine, who is
 
 LA SEXHORA. 337 
 
 best fitted to resist them, nor assuredly ought Con Cregan to 
 be selected for such self-denial. I stood in the circle with 
 wondering admiration, delighted with everything. Oh happy 
 age ! glorious hour of the balmy night ! excellent grape-juice! 
 how much of delicious enjoyment do I owe you all three ! I 
 suppose it is the case with every one, but I know it to be with 
 me, that wherever I am, or however situated, I immediately 
 single out some particular object for my especial predilection. 
 If it be a landscape, I at once pitch upon the spot for a cottage, 
 a temple, or a villa ; if it be a house-, I instantly settle in my 
 mind the room I would take as my own, the window I would 
 sit beside, the very chair I'd take to lounge in ; if it be a 
 garden, I fix upon the walk among whose embowering blos- 
 soms I would always be found : and so, if the occasion be one 
 of festive enjoyment, I have a quick eye to catch her whose 
 air and appearance possess highest attractions for me. JS"ot 
 always for me the most beautiful — whose faultless outlines a 
 sculptor would like to chisel ; but one whose fair form and 
 loveliness are suggestive of the visions one has had in boy- 
 hood, filling up, in rich colours, the mind-drawn picture we 
 have so often gazed on, and made the heroine of a hundred 
 little love-stories, only known to one's own heart. And, oh 
 dear ! are not these about the very best of our adventures ? 
 At least, if they be not, they are certainly those we look back 
 on with fewest self-reproaches. 
 
 In a mood of this kind it was that my eye rested upon a 
 slightly formed but graceful girl, whose dark eyes twice or 
 thrice had met my own, and been withdrawn again with a 
 kind of indolent reluctance — as I fancied — very flattering to 
 me. She wore the square piece of scarlet cloth on her head, 
 so fashionable among the Mexican peasantry, the corners of 
 which hung down with heavy gold tassels among the clusters 
 of her raven locks ; a yellow scarf, of the brightest hue, was 
 gracefully thrown over one shoulder, and served to heighten 
 the brilliancy of her olive tint ; her jupe, short and looped up 
 with a golden cord, displayed a matchless instep and ankle. 
 There was an air of pride — "fierte," even, — in the position 
 of the foot, as she stood, that harmonized admirably with the 
 erect carriage of her head, and the graceful composure of her 
 crossed arms, made her a perfect picture. Nor was I quite 
 certain that she did not know this herself : certain is it, her 
 air, her attitude, her every gesture, were in the most com- 
 plete " keeping " with her costume. 
 
 She was not one of the dancers, but stood among the spec- 
 tators ; and, if I were to pronounce from the glances she 
 
 z
 
 338 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 bestowed upon the circle, not one of the most admiring there : 
 her features either wearing an expression of passive indiffe- 
 rence, or changing to a half smile of scornful contempt. As, 
 with an interest which increased at each moment, I watched 
 her movements, I saw that her scarf was gently pulled by a 
 hand from behind : she turned abruptly, and, with a gesture 
 of almost ineffable scorn, said some few words, and then 
 moved proudly away to another part of the " court." 
 
 Through the vacant spot she had quitted I was able to see 
 him who had addressed her. He was a young powerfully 
 built fellow, in the dress of a mountaineer ; and though evi- 
 dently of the peasant class, his dress and arms evinced that 
 he was well to do in the world. The gold drop of his 
 sombrero, the rich bullion tassels of his sash, the massive 
 spurs of solid silver, being all evidences of wealth. Not 
 even the tan-coloured hue of his dark face could mask the 
 flush of anger upon it as the girl moved off; and his black 
 eyes, as they followed, glowed like fire. To my amazement 
 his glance was next bent upon me, and that, with an expres- 
 sion of hatred there was no mistaking. At first, I thought it 
 might have been mere fancy on my part ; then, I explained it 
 as the unvanished cloud still lingering on his features ; but 
 at last I saw plainly that the insulting looks were meant for 
 myself. Let me look which side I would, let me occupy my 
 attention how I might, the fellow's swarthy sullen face never 
 turned from me for an instant. 
 
 I suppose something must have betrayed to my companion 
 what was passing within me, for Seth whispered in my ear, 
 V Take no notice of him — he's a Ranchero, and they are 
 always bad 'uns to deal with." 
 
 " But what cause of quarrel can he have with me ? " said 
 I ; "we never saw each other before." 
 
 "Don't you see what it is?" said Seth; "it's the much- 
 acha, she's his sweetheart, and she's been a looking too long 
 this way to please him." 
 
 " Well, if the girl has got such good taste ! " said I, with a 
 saucy laugh, " he ought to prize her the more for it." 
 
 " She is a neat 'un, that's a fact," muttered Seth; and at 
 the same instant the girl walked proudly up to where I stood, 
 and making a low curtsey before me, held out her hand. I 
 suppose there must have been a little more than the ordinary 
 enthusiasm in the manner I pressed my lips upon it, for she 
 blushed, and a little murmur ran round the circle. The next 
 moment we were whirling along in the waltz ; I, at least, lost 
 to everything, save the proud pleasure of what I deemed my
 
 LA SENHORA. 339 
 
 triurapli. The music suddenly changed to the fandango, of 
 which dance I was a perfect master ; and now the graceful 
 elegance of my partner, and the warm plaudits of the com- 
 pany called forth my utmost exertions. As for her, she was 
 the most bewitching representative of her native measure it 
 is possible to conceive, her changeful expression following 
 every movement of the dance ; now, retiring in shrinking 
 bashfulness, now, advancing with proud and haughty mien, 
 now, enticing to pursuit by looks of languish ment, now, as if 
 daring all advances, her flashing eyes would almost sparkle 
 with defiance. 
 
 What a terrible battery was this to open upon the defence- 
 less breastwork of a poor Irishman ! How withstand the 
 showering grape-shot of dark glances ? — how resist the 
 assault of graces that lurked in every smile and every gesture ? 
 Alas! I never attempted a defence; I surrendered not "at," 
 but "without," discretion, and tearing off the great embroid- 
 ered scarf which I wore, all heavy with its gold fringe, I 
 passed it round her taper waist in a very transport of enthu- 
 siasm. 
 
 While a buzz of approbation ran round the circle, I heard 
 the words uttered on all sides, " Destago ! " "A forfeit ! " 
 
 " I'll try his gallantry," said the girl, as darting back from 
 my arms, she retired to the very verge of the circle, and hold- 
 ing up the rich prize, gazed at it with wondering eyes : and 
 now, exclamations of praise and surprise at the beauty of the 
 tissue broke from all in turn. 
 
 " The muchacha should keep the ' capotillo,' " said an old 
 lynx-eyed duenna, with a fan as large as a fire-board. 
 
 " A Caballero rich as that should give her a necklace of 
 real pearls," said another. 
 
 " I'd choose a mustang, with a saddle and trappings all 
 studded with silver," mutter a third in her ear. 
 
 " I'll have none of these," said the girl musing ; " I must 
 bethink me well if I cannot find something I shall like to 
 look at with pleasure, when mere dress and finery would 
 have lost their charm. I must have that which will remind 
 me of this evening a long time hence, and make me think of 
 him who made its happiness ; and now what shall it be ? " 
 
 "His heart's blood, if that will content you !" cried the 
 mountaineer, as springing from his seat he tore the scarf from 
 her hands, and dashed it on the ground, trampling it beneath 
 his feet, and tearing it to very rags. 
 
 " A fight — a fight ! " shouted out a number of voices ; and 
 now the crowd cloyed in upon the dancing space, and a 
 
 z 2
 
 340 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 hundred tongues mingled in wild altercation. Although a 
 few professed themselves indignant that a stranger should be 
 thus insulted, I saw plainly that the majority were with their 
 countryman, whom they agreed in regarding as a. most out- 
 raged and injured individual. To my great astonishment, I 
 discovered that my friend Seth took the same view of the 
 matter, and was even more energetic than the others in repro- 
 bation of my conduct. 
 
 " Don't you see," cried he to me, " that you have taken his 
 sweetheart from him ? The muchacha has done all this to 
 provoke his jealousy." 
 
 <l Oui, oui" said a thin miserable-looking Frenchman, " vouz 
 avez tire la bouieille ; iljaut payer la vin." 
 
 In all probability, had not the crowd separated us most 
 effectually, these comments and counsels had been all uttered 
 "after the fact; " for I dashed forward to strike my antago- 
 nist, and was only held back by main force, as Seth whispered 
 in my ear, " Take it coolly, lad ; it must be a fight now, and 
 don't unsteady your hand by flying into a passion." 
 
 Meanwhile the noise and confusion waxed louder and 
 louder, and from the glances directed towards me there was 
 very little doubt how strongly public opinion pronounced 
 against me. 
 
 "No, no ! " broke in Seth — in reply to some speech whose 
 purport I could only guess at, for I did not hear the words — 
 " that would be a downright shame. Let the lad have fair 
 play. There's a pretty bit of ground outside the garden, for 
 either sword or pistol-work, whichever you choose it to be. 
 I'll not stand anything else." 
 
 Another very fiery discussion ensued upon this ; the end of 
 which was, that I was led away by Seth and one of his com- 
 rades to my room, with the satisfactory assurance that at the 
 very first dawn of day I was to meet the Mexican peasant in 
 single combat. 
 
 "You have two good hours of sleep before you," said Seth, 
 as we entered my room, " and my advice is, don't lose a 
 minute of them." 
 
 It has been a mystery to me, up to the very hour I am 
 writing in, how far my friend Seth Chiseller's conduct on this 
 occasion accorded with good faith. Certainly, it would have 
 been impossible for anyone to have evinced a more chivalrous 
 regard for my honour, and a more contemptuous disdain for 
 my life, than the aforesaid Seth. He advanced full one 
 hundred reasons for a deadly combat ; the results of which, 
 he confessed, were speculative matters of a most dreamy in-
 
 LA SEXHORA. 341 
 
 difference. Now, although it has almost become an axiom in 
 these affairs that there is nothing like a bold decided friend, 
 yet even these qualities may be carried to excess ; and so I 
 began to experience. 
 
 There was a vindictiveness in the way he expatiated upon 
 the gross character of the insult I had received, the palpable 
 openness of the outrage, that showed the liveliest suscepti- 
 bility on the score of my reputation ; and thus it came to pass, 
 I suppose, from that spirit of divergence and contradiction so 
 native to the human heart, that the stronger Seth's argument 
 ran in favour of a most bloody retribution, the more inge- 
 nious grew my casuistry on the side of mercy : till, grown 
 weary of my sophistry, he finished the discussion by saying — 
 *' Take your own road, then ; and if you prefer a stiletto under 
 the ribs to the chance of a sabre-cut, it's your own affair, not 
 mine." 
 
 " How so ? — why should I have to fear such ? " 
 
 " You don't think that the villano will suffer a fellow to 
 take his muchacha from him, and dance with her the entire 
 evening before a whole company, without his revenge ? No ! 
 no ! they have different notions on that score, as you'll soon 
 learn." 
 
 " Then what is to be done ? " 
 
 "I have told you already, and I tell you once more: 
 meet him to-morrow ; — the time is not very distant now. 
 You tell me that you are a fair swordsman : now these chaps 
 have but one attack and one guard. I'll put you up to both ; 
 and if you are content to take a slight sabre-cut about the 
 left shoulder, I'll show you how to run him through the body." 
 
 "And then?" 
 
 "Why then," said he, turning his tobacco about in his 
 mouth, " I guess you'd better run for it. There'll be no time 
 to lose. Mount your beast, and ride for the Guajuaqualla 
 road ; but don't follow it long, or you'll soon be overtaken. 
 Tarn the beast loose, and take to the mountains, where, when 
 you've struck the miner's track, you'll soon reach the town 
 in safety." 
 
 •Overborne by arguments and reasons — many of which Seth 
 strengthened by the pithy apothegm of " Bethink ye where 
 ye are, boy ! This is not England, nor Ireland neither ! " — 
 all my scruples vanished, and I set about the various arrange- 
 ments in a spirit of true activity. The time was brief ; since, 
 besides taking a lesson in the broad-sword, I had to make my 
 will. The reader will probably smile at the notion of Con 
 Cregan leaving a testament behind him ; but the over-scrupu-
 
 342 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 lous Seth would have it so, and assured me, with much 
 feeling, that it would " save a world of trouble hereafter, if 
 anything were to go a bit ugly." 
 
 I therefore bequeathed to the worthy Seth my mustang and 
 his equipments of saddle, holsters, and cloak-bag : my rifle 
 and pistols, and bowie-knife were also to become his, as well 
 as all my movables of every kind. I only stipulated that, in 
 the event of the " ugly " termination alluded to, he would 
 convey the letter with his own hands to Guajuaqualla, — a 
 pledge he gave with the greater readiness that a reward was 
 to be rendered for the service. There was some seventy 
 dollars in my bag which, Seth said, need not be mentioned 
 in the will, as they would be needed for the funeral. " It's 
 costly hereabouts," said he, growing quite lively on the theme. 
 " They put ye in a great basket, all decked with flowers, and 
 they sticks two big oranges or lemons in your hands ; and 
 the chaps as carry you are dressed like devils or angels, I 
 don't much know which, — and they do make such a cry ! — 
 my eye for it, but if you wasn't dead, you'd not lie there long 
 and listen to 'em ! " 
 
 Now, although the subject was not one half so amusing to 
 me as it seemed to Seth, I felt that strange fascination which 
 ever attaches to a painful theme ; and asked a variety of 
 questions about the grave, and the ceremonies, and the 
 masses, reminding my executor that, as a good Catholic, I 
 hoped I should have the offices of the church in all liberality. 
 
 " Don't distress yourself about that," said he, " I'll learn a 
 lot of prayers in Latin myself — ■ just to help you on,' as a 
 body might say — but, as I live, there goes the chaps to the 
 ' Molino ; ' " and he pointed to a group of about a dozen or 
 more, who, wrapped up in their large cloaks, took the way 
 slowly and silently through the tall wet grass at the bottom 
 of the garden. 
 
 I have ever been too candid with my kind reader to con- 
 ceal anything from him. Let him not, therefore, I beg, 
 think the worse of me, if I own that, at the sight of that 
 procession, a strange and most uncomfortable feeling per- 
 vaded me. There seemed something so purpose-like in their 
 steady regular tramp. There was a look of cold determina- 
 tion in their movement that chilled me to the heart. " Only 
 to think ! " muttered I, "how they have left their beds on 
 this raw damp morning, at the risk of colds, catarrhs, and 
 rheumatism, all to murder a poor young fellow who never 
 injured one of them ! " 
 
 Not a thought had I for the muchacha — the cause of all
 
 LA SENHOEA. 3-13 
 
 my trouble ; my faculties were limited to a little routine, of 
 which I myself was the centre, and I puzzled my brain in 
 thinking over the human anatomy, and trying to remember 
 all I had ever heard of the most fatal localities, and where 
 one could be carved and sliced with the fullest impunity. 
 
 " Come along ! " said Seth, " we've no time to lose — we 
 must look out for a cheap mustang to wait for you on the 
 Guajuaqualla road, and I have to fetch my sword, for this 
 thing of yours is full eight inches too short." Seth now 
 took my arm, and I felt myself involuntarily throwing a 
 glance at the little objects I owned about the room — as it 
 were a farewell look. 
 
 " What are you searching for ? " said he, as I inserted my 
 hand into my breast-pocket. 
 
 " It's all right," said I ; " I wanted to see that I had the 
 Senhora's letter safe. If — if — anything — you understand me 
 —eh?" 
 
 " Yes, yes ; I'll look to it. They sha'n't bury you with 
 it ; " said he, with a diabolical grin, which made me posi- 
 tively detest him for the moment. 
 
 If Mr. Chiseller was deficient in the finer sympathies of 
 our nature, he was endowed with a rare spirit of practical 
 readiness. The " mustang " was found in the very first 
 stable we entered, and hired for a day's pleasure — so he 
 called it — for the sum of two crowns. A mountain lad was 
 despatched to hold him for my coming, at a certain spot on 
 the road. The sabre was fetched from his chamber, and in 
 less than five minutes we were on our way to the Molino, 
 fully equipped and " ready for the fray." 
 
 " Don't forget what I told you about the face guard — al- 
 ways keep the hilt of your weapon straight between your 
 eyes, and hold the elbow low." This he kept repeating con- 
 tinually as we went along, till I found myself muttering the 
 words after him mechanically — without attaching the slightest 
 meaning to them. " The villain is a strong muscular chap, 
 and perhaps he'll be for breaking down your guard by mere 
 force, and cleaving you down with a stroke. If he tries it, 
 you've only to spring actively to one side and give him your 
 point, anywhere about the chest." From this he proceeded 
 to discuss a hundred little subtleties and stratagems the 
 Mexicans are familiar with — so that at last I regretted, from 
 the very bottom of my soul, that the gage of battle had not 
 fallen upon Seth himself, so much more worthy in every way 
 of the distinction. 
 
 If I seemed full of attention to all he was saying, my
 
 344 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGA.N. 
 
 thoughts, in truth be it spoken, were travelling a vastly- 
 different road. I was engaged in the performance of a little 
 mental catechism, which ran somewhat in this wise : " If 
 you escape this peril, Master Con, will it not be wise to 
 eschew fandangoes in future ; or, at least, not indulge in 
 them with other men's sweethearts? Beware, besides, of 
 horse- dealers, of Xeres and Paquaretta ; and, above all, of 
 such indiscretions as may make the ' Seth Chisellers ' of this 
 world your masters ! " Ay, there was the sum and substance 
 of my sorrows; that unlucky step about " Charry" and the 
 lottery-ticket placed me in a situation from which there was 
 no issue. I now saw, what many have seen before, and many 
 will doubtless see again, that crime has other penalties be- 
 sides legal ones, and that the difficulty of conforming to an 
 assumed good character, with even one lapse from the path 
 of honesty, is xery considerable. 
 
 " Are you attending to me, lad? " cried Seth, impatiently, 
 " I was telling you about the cross-guard for the head." 
 
 " I have not heard one word of it/' said T, frankly ; " nor 
 is it of the least consequence. All the talk in the world 
 couldn't make a swordsman, still less would a few passing 
 hints like those you give me. If the villano be the better 
 man, there's an end of the matter." 
 
 Seth, less convinced by my reasonings than offended at 
 them, spoke no more, and we approached the Molino in 
 silence. As we neared the spot, we perceived the party 
 seated in a little arbour, and by their gestures, as well as 
 by a most savoury odour of garlic, evidently eating their 
 breakfast. 
 
 " The fellows are jolly," said Seth: " had we not better 
 follow their example ? Here is a nice spot, and a table just 
 at hand." At the same time he called out, " Muchacho, pan 
 el vino en la mesa, and we'll think of somewhat to eat." 
 
 I tried to play indifferent, and seem at my ease, but it was 
 no use. The vicinity of the other group, and, in particular, 
 of a certain broad-shouldered member of it, whom I could 
 detect through the leaves, and who certainly did not eat with 
 the air of a man who felt it to be his last breakfast, spoiled 
 all my efforts, and nipped them even as they budded. 
 
 " You don't eat,'' said Seth; " look at the villano yonder." 
 
 " I see him," said T, curtly. 
 
 " See how he lays in his prog ! " 
 
 " Let him show that he can be as dexterous with the broad- 
 sword as with a carving-knife," said I with a tremendous 
 effort.
 
 LA SENHORA. 345 
 
 "Egad! I'll tell him that," cried Seth, jumping up, and 
 hastening across the garden. I had not long to wait for the 
 effect of the speech. Scarcely had Chiseller uttered a few 
 words, than the whole party arose, and such a volley of 
 " Maledicion ! " and " Caramba ! " and other like terms I 
 never heard before or since. 
 
 " I knew that would make 'em blaze up," said he ; " they're 
 all ready now — follow me." I obeyed, and walked after him 
 into a little paddock, which, from the marks of feet and other 
 signs, seemed to be a spot not chosen for the first time for 
 such an amusement. The others entered by an opposite gate, 
 and, taking off their cloaks, folded them carefully and laid 
 them on the benches. They were armed to the very teeth, 
 and really did look amazingly like the troop of brigands 
 Drury Lane would produce in a new melodrama. 
 
 One of the party advanced towards Seth to arrange pre- 
 liminaries, while the rest lighted their cigars, and began 
 smoking — an example I deemed it wise to imitate ; at least, 
 it looked cool. 
 
 As I sat, affecting to admire the landscape, and totally 
 careless of what was going on behind me, I overheard Seth 
 in a warm altercation on the subject of my sabre, which the 
 villano's friend insisted was at least eight or nine inches too 
 long. Seth, however, was equally obstinate in asserting that 
 I had always used it, had fought repeated duels with it ; and if 
 we could not call the principals as witnesses, it was for certain 
 cogent reasons that need not be mentioned. How I chuckled 
 at this bit of boastfulness ! how I prayed that it might terrify 
 the enemy ! Nothing of the kind: the semi-savage stepped 
 out into the circle, with his shirt-sleeves rolled up to the shoul- 
 der, displaying an arm whose muscular development was like 
 knotted cordage. As if to give a foretaste of what he in- 
 tended for me, he clove down the stout branch of an elm-tree 
 with a single stroke, and with the ease of a man slicing a 
 cheese. Never did I think so meanly of a fandango as at 
 that moment ; never was I in a mood less lenient to female 
 coquetry ! 
 
 " All's ready, Con, my hearty," whispered Seth, leaning 
 over my shoulder ; " here's the tool." 
 
 If I had followed the instinct then strongest, I should have 
 treated my " friend " Seth to the first of my maiden sword. 
 But for him — but it was too late for regrets ; and already the 
 group had retired, leaving the villano standing in a position 
 of formidable defence alone in the circle. 
 
 I can remember that I walked calmly and slowly forward
 
 846 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 to the spot assigned me. I can remember the word being- 
 given to draw swords ; and I even yet can see the flashing 
 steel as it glistened, and hear the clang of the scabbards as 
 we flung them from us ; but of the encounter itself I have 
 only the vaguest impression. Cuts, thrusts, parries, advances 
 ancl retirings, feints and guards, are all blended up with the 
 exclamations of the bystanders, as, in praise or censure, they 
 followed the encounter. At last, without knowing why, after 
 a warm rally, my antagonist uttered a faint cry, and totter- 
 ing a few paces back, let fall his sword, and sank heavily to 
 the earth. I sprang forward in dread anxiety, but two of 
 the others held me back, while they cried out, " Basta — Basta, 
 Senhor ! " I tried to force my way past them, but they held 
 me fast ; and all that I could see was one of the group take 
 up the villano's arm, and let it go again, when it fell heavily 
 to the ground with a dull bang I shall never forget ! They 
 then threw his cloak over him, and I saw him no more. 
 
 " What are ye waitin' for, lad ? " whispered Seth. " You 
 don't want to attend his funeral, I reckon ? " 
 
 " Is he — is he ? " I couldn't get the word out for 
 
 worlds. 
 
 " By course he is, and so will you be if ye don't make a 
 bolt of it." 
 
 I have some recollection of an angry altercation between 
 Seth and myself — I refusing, and he insisting on my instant 
 flight ; but it ended somehow in my finding myself gallop- 
 ing along the Guajuaqualla road at a furious pace, and, to my 
 extreme surprise, feeling now as eager about my safety as 
 before I had been indifferent to it. 
 
 I became conscious of this from the sense of uneasiness I 
 experienced as each horseman neared me, and the danger of 
 pursuit aroused in me the instinct of self-preservation. 
 
 A rude sign-post at the foot of a rugged mountain path 
 apprised me where the "miners' trail" led off to Guajua- 
 qualla; so, dismounting from my "mustang," now wearied 
 and blown by a pretty sharp pace for above seven miles, I 
 turned the animal loose, and set off on foot. I know of no 
 descent so great in life as from the " saddle " to the " sole ! " 
 from the inspiriting pleasure of being carried along at will, 
 to the plodding slowness of mere pedestrianism. In the one 
 case you " shoot your sorrows flying," in the other, they jog 
 alongside of you all the way, halting with you when you lie 
 down at noon, and taking share of the spring from which 
 your parched lips are refreshed. Like an underbred acquaint* 
 ance, they will not be denied ; they are always " going your
 
 LA SENHORA, 6¥i 
 
 way ; " and in their cruel civility they insist on hearing yon 
 company. 
 
 At a little cabaret of the very humblest order, I obtained 
 some breakfast, and made purchase of a stock of bread and 
 a gourd of wine, as I learned that nothing was to be had be- 
 fore I reached " Sanchez," the hut of an old miner, which 
 was reckoned halfway to Guajuaqualla. This done, again I 
 set forth on my journey. 
 
 The scenery was wild without being grand. There was 
 bareness and desolation, but no sublimity. It was evidently 
 a tract of such inferior fertility that few in a land so rich as 
 this would select it for a resting-place ; and accordingly I 
 came upon no signs of habitation other than the shealings 
 the shepherds raise at certain seasons when migrating with 
 their flocks among the mountains. 
 
 It was exactly the character of landscape likely to increase 
 and thicken the gloom of sad thoughts ; and,, indeed, mine 
 wanted little assistance. This last exploit left a weight like 
 lead upon my heart. All my sophistry about self-defence and 
 wounded honour, necessity, and the like, could not cover the 
 fact that I had taken away a man's life in a foolish brawl, 
 from the very outset of which the whole fault lay on my side. 
 
 "So much," said I, "for trying to be a 'gentleman.' 
 Every step in this disastrous pursuit would seem to have a 
 penalty attached to it ; and, after all, I am just as far from 
 the goal as when I set out." 
 
 That day seemed a year in length ; and were I to attempt 
 to chronicle it, the reader would confess himself convinced 
 before I had half finished ; so that, for both our sakes, I'll not 
 " file my bill of particulars," as my respected father would 
 have said, but at once come to the hour when the sun ap- 
 proached the horizon, and yet not anything like a human 
 dwelling came in sight ; and I still plodded along, sad and 
 weary, and anxious for rest. If the events which I am about 
 to record have little in them of extraordinary interest, they 
 at least were the turning-points in my humble destiny, and, 
 therefore, kind reader, with your permission, we'll give thcna 
 a chapter to themselves.
 
 348 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 " THE DISCOVERY." 
 
 I had walked now for nearly twelve hours without discover- 
 ing any appearance of Sanchez' cabin, in which I had hoped 
 to pass the night. My prairie experience assured me that I 
 had not lost the " trail," and yet if any light were burning for 
 miles around, the elevated spot on which I stood should make 
 it visible. Although much fatigued, there was nothing for it 
 but to proceed, and, at length, I found myself in a narrow 
 valley, which Seth had heard described as the situation in 
 which the miner's hut stood. It was dark and gloomy, but 
 the hope that I was nearing the spot cheered me, and I 
 walked on, footsore and tired as I was. Once or twice I 
 thought I heard the bark of a dog. I stopped to listen. I 
 shouted aloud, I whistled, but to no end. After an interval, 
 however, the sounds were repeated, and now, I could detect, 
 — not the bark — but the low plaintive wail of an animal 
 seemingly in pain. As it not unfrequently happens that the 
 sheep-dogs are attacked by wolves, it immediately occurred 
 to me such might be the present case : so I looked to the 
 caps of my revolver, and hastened on in the direction of the 
 cries. 
 
 The wailing sounds grew fuller and louder as I advanced, 
 and now I could distinguish that they were the cries of an 
 animal in grief, and not of one in bodily pain. I increased 
 my speed to the utmost, and suddenly I felt the warm tongue 
 of a dog touch my hand, and his tail brush my legs, in sign 
 of friendly welcome. I stopped to pat and caress him, but 
 the poor creature uttered another cry, so full of sorrow, that 
 all other thoughts were routed on the instant. 
 
 He now preceded me, turning at each moment as if to see 
 that I followed, and whining in a low faint tone, as before. 
 We had not long proceeded thus, when he stopped suddenly, 
 and set up a cry the most shrill and heart-thrilling. I saw 
 that we were in front of a miserable shealing, the door of 
 which lay open ; but all was dark within. I struck a light 
 with my flint, and lighted a little taper. To my surprise, the 
 lint contained several articles of furniture ; but I had not
 
 " THE DISCOVERY." 349 
 
 more than time to notice them, when the dog, darting for- 
 ward, placed his fore-paws npon a low settle-bed, and gave a 
 dismal howl. I turned, and beheld the figure of a very old 
 man, his white beard hanging down to his chest, as he lay in 
 what seemed a heavy sleep. I touched him; he was cold. I 
 placed my hand on his heart ; it was still. I tried to detect 
 breathing ; there was none — he was quite deau ! 
 
 The poor dog appeared to watch me with intense interest, 
 as, one by one, I tried these different signs of life ; but when 
 he saw the hand fall heavily from my own, he again set up 
 his cries, which now lasted for several minutes. The scene 
 was a sad and touching one. The poor old miner — for such 
 his dress and the scattered implements of the craft bespoke 
 him, — forgotten by all the world save by his dog, lay in all 
 the seeming calm of sleep. A cup of water stood near him, 
 and a little wooden crucifix lay on the bed, where probably it 
 had fallen from his fingers. Everything around betokened 
 great poverty. The few articles of furniture seemed as if 
 they had been fashioned by himself, being of the rudest work- 
 manship : his lamp was a dried gourd, and his one chair had 
 been a stump, hollowed out with a hatchet. The most strik- 
 ing feature of all was a number of printed paragraphs, cut 
 from old newspapers and magazines, and nailed against the 
 planking of the hut; and these seemed to convey a little 
 history of the old miner, so far, at least, as the bent and 
 object of his life were implied. They were all, without 
 exception, exaggerated and high-flown accounts of newly-dis- 
 covered "Placers," — rich mines of gold, — some in the dark 
 plains of the Ukraine, some in the deep forests of Mexico, 
 some in the interior of Africa, and on the far-away shores of 
 the Pacific. Promises of golden harvest, visions of wealth 
 rolling in vast abundance, great oceans of gain before the 
 parched and thirsting lips of toil and famine ! Little thought 
 they who, half in the wantonness of fancy, coloured these 
 descriptions, what seeds they were sowing in many a rugged 
 nature ! what feverish passions they were engendering! what 
 lures to wile men on and on, through youth and manhood, 
 and age, with one terrible fascination to enslave them ! 
 
 If many of these contained interesting scraps of adventure 
 and enterprise in remote and strange countries, others were 
 merely dry and succinct notices of the discovery of gold in 
 particular places, announcements which nothing short of an 
 innate devotion to the one theme could possibly have dwelt 
 upon ; and these, if I were to judge from the situations they 
 occupied, were the most favoured paragraphs, and those most
 
 350 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 frequently read over : they were the daily food with which he 
 fed his hope, through, doubtless, long years of suffering and 
 toil. It was the oil which replenished the lamp, when the 
 wick had burned to the very socket ! 
 
 How one could fancy the old Gambusino as he sat before 
 his winter fire, half dozing in the solitude of his uncom- 
 panionable existence, revelling in all the illusions with which 
 his mind was filled! With what sympathy must he have 
 followed his fellow-labourers in every far-away quarter of the 
 globe ! how mourned over their disappointments, how exulted 
 in their successes! These little scraps and sentences were 
 the only links that tied him to the world — they were all that 
 spoke to him of his own species ! 
 
 As I went about the hut, the appearance of the greatest 
 poverty and privation struck me on every side : his clothing, 
 worn to very tatters, had been mended by skins of beasts and 
 patches of canvas ; the tools with which he worked showed 
 marks of rude repair, that proved how "he to himself sufficed," 
 without aid from others. 
 
 I passed the night without sleep, my mind full of the 
 melancholy picture before me. When day broke, I walked 
 forth into the cool air to refresh myself, and found, to my 
 astonishment, that the spot had been a Placer of once great 
 repute, at least so the remains around attested. The ruined 
 framework of miners' huts — the great massive furnaces for 
 smelting — huge cradles, as they are called, for gold sifting — 
 — long troughs, formed of hollowed trunks, for washing — lay 
 scattered on all sides. The number of these showed what 
 importance the spot had once possessed, and the rotten 
 condition in which they now were proved how long 
 it had been deserted by all save him, who was now to 
 take his rest, where, for many a weary year, he had toiled 
 and laboured. 
 
 A little cross, decorated with those insignia of torture so 
 frequently seen in Catholic countries — the pincers, the scourge, 
 and the crown of thorns — showed where Piety had raised an 
 altar beside that of Mammon, and underneath this I resolved 
 to lay the poor old Gambusino's bones, as in a Christian 
 grave. I could not divest my mind of the impression, that 
 some power, higher than mere chance, had led me to the 
 spot, to perform those last offices to the poor outcast. Having 
 eaten my breakfast, which I shared with the dog, I set to 
 work to fashion something that should serve as a coffin. 
 There was timber in abundance, and the old miner's tools 
 sufficed for all I needed. My labour, however, was only
 
 351 
 
 completed as night closed in, so that I was obliged to wait 
 for morning to finish my task. 
 
 "Wearied by my exertions, I slept soundly, and never awoke 
 till the bright sunbeams pierced through the chinks of the 
 log-hut, and streamed in amidst its dusky atmosphere : then 
 I arose, and placed the old man in his coffin. I sat down 
 beside it, and, as I looked at the calm cold features, I could 
 not help reflecting that even he had not been more an outcast 
 from his fellows than I was myself. If fate had cast his lot 
 in the solitude of this dreary region, he was not more alone 
 in the world than 7, who had neither home nor family. How 
 strange was it, too, that it should have devolved upon one to 
 pay him these last rites. No — no — this could not be acci- 
 dent. The longer I dwelt upon this theme, the more strongly 
 was I impressed by this one conviction ; and now, looking 
 back, after the lapse of years, that feeling is but more con- 
 firmed by time. 
 
 Taking the shovel and the pick, I set forth to dig the 
 grave, the poor dog following at my heels, as though know- 
 ing in what cause I was labouring. The earth was hard and 
 stony, so that at first I made but little progress, but soon I 
 reached a clayey soft soil, which again was succeeded by a 
 dense, firm stratum of stones, impacted closely together, like a 
 pavement made by hands ; indeed it was difficult to conceive 
 it otherwise, the stones being so nearly of the same size, and 
 laid down with a regularity so striking and purposelike. I 
 proceeded to loosen them with the barreta, but, to my sur- 
 prise, no sooner had I displaced this layer than another 
 exactly similar displayed itself underneath. If this be " Na- 
 ture's handiwork," thought I, "it is the strangest thing I 
 ever saw." I laboured hard to remove this second tier, and 
 now came down upon a light gravelly soil, into which the 
 barreta passed easily. Shall I own that it was with a sense 
 of disappointment that I perceived this ? It was not that my 
 expectations had taken any distinct or palpable form, but 
 their vagueness somehow had not excluded hope ! 
 
 As I struck down the iron barreta into the light earth, I 
 sat down and fell into a musing fit, from which the dog 
 aroused me by licking my hands, and looking up into my face, 
 as though reproaching me for deserting my task. I arose at 
 once, and set to work in right earnest. The grave was now 
 full five feet in depth, and needed only to be made a little 
 longer. It was after about an hour's hard labour, and my 
 task was all but completed, when the barreta struck a stone 
 which it was requisite to move ; it was a large and heavy one,
 
 352 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 and much more firmly impacted in the earth than I at first 
 supposed, and it was only by splintering it with the iron 
 " crow " that I was able to succeed. As I lifted the frag- 
 ments and threw them away, my hands came in contact with 
 a soft substance underneath, that, to the feel, at least, re- 
 sembled the skin of a beast with the wool or hair on. I 
 cleared away the earth, and saw to my astonishment what I 
 at once knew to be a piece of buffalo hide, smeared over with 
 a peculiar oil the Indians use, to prevent rotting or decom- 
 position. I drew forth my knife and ripped it open ; a strong 
 skin of undressed buck was now laid bare ; again I applied 
 my knife vigorously to this, and as the sharp steel ran freely 
 along, a glittering heap of gold disclosed itself before me, 
 and rolled in fragments to my feet ! 
 
 I cannot attempt to describe the emotions of that moment, 
 as, with a heart bursting with delight, I ran my fingers 
 through the heaps of shining metal, many of them larger 
 than my closed fist. I pulled off my cap and filled it: I 
 opened my handkerchief, and in a few moments that also was 
 crammed : I stuffed my pockets ; but the treasure seemed, 
 inexhaustible. I arose, and hastened to the hut for the great 
 canvas bag in which the poor miner used to keep his chesnuts, 
 and oh! the terror that came over me now, lest I should be 
 seen; lest any other should discover me. With the speed 
 that fear alone can supply I soon filled the sack, not alone 
 with gold, but also with several little leather bags, which I 
 discovered contained gems and precious stones, emeralds 
 principally, with opals, sapphires, and rubies, some of a size 
 and colour I had never seen equalled before. There were 
 eight of these bags marked with some enigmatical letters, of 
 which I did not know the meaning, nor, in good truth, did I 
 puzzle myself to discover. The wealth, unbounded as it 
 seemed, needed no explanation ; there it lay glittering upon 
 the grass beneath the morning sun, and there I sat amidst it, 
 as Aladdin might have sat amidst the treasures of his mine. 
 
 As I opened the bags one after another, in eager impatience, 
 I came upon one filled with papers, and these I quickly dis- 
 covered were receipts for deposits of large sums placed at 
 various times in the hands of Don Xafire Hijaros, banker, at 
 Guajuaqualla, by Menelaus Crick! Yes, these were the hid- 
 den treasures for which the Black Boatswain of Anticosti had 
 endured the tortures of the burning iron and the steel, the 
 terrible agonies of the flesh pincers, and the slow, lingering 
 pains of paralysis. These then were the visions that haunted 
 his dotage in the very night I had seen him, as he struggled
 
 " THE DISCOVERY." 353' 
 
 in some imaginary conflict, and patted the ground in some 
 fancied act of concealment ! A sudden chill run through me 
 as I thought by what horrible deeds of crime and blood all 
 this treasure might — nay, must — have been amassed ! What 
 terrible acts of murder and assassination ! Many of the gems 
 were richly set, and showed that they had been worn. Some 
 of the emeralds had been extracted from ornaments, or taken 
 from the hilts of daggers or swords. Violence and blood had 
 stained them all ! there could not be a doubt of it : and now 
 there arose within me a strange conflict, in which the thirst 
 for wealth warred with a f3eling of superstition, that whispered, 
 "ISTo luck could go with gain so bought ! " The perspiration 
 rolled in great drops down my face ; my heart swelled and 
 throbbed with its emotions ; the arteries of my temples beat 
 with a force that seemed to smite the very brain, as I canvassed 
 this vital. question, "Dare I touch wealth so associated with 
 deeds of infamy ? " 
 
 If my wishes arranged themselves on one side, all my fears 
 were marshalled on the other, and what foes can wage a more 
 terrible conflict ! The world, with its most attractive plea- 
 sures, its thousand fascinations, all the delusions that gold can 
 buy, and convert into realities, beckoned here. Horrible 
 fancies of an unknown vengeance, a Xemesis in crime unex- 
 piated, menaced there ! May I never have to preside in a 
 court where the evidence is so strongly opposed ; where the 
 facts are so equally balanced. If, at one instant, I beheld 
 myself the gorgeous millionaire, launching forth into the wide 
 ocean of unexplored enjoyment, at the next, I saw myself 
 crawling upon the earth, maimed and crippled like the old 
 negro slave ; a curse upon me ; the cries of widowed mothers 
 ringing in my ears ; the curses of ruined fathers tracking me 
 wherever I went ! I cannot tell what verdict my poor empan- 
 nelled conscience might have brought in at last ; but suddenly 
 a new witness appeared in the court, and gave a most decided 
 turn to the case. This was no less than " the Church," whose 
 testimony gently insinuated that if the matter were one of 
 difficulty, it was not yet without a solution. "It is true, 
 Master Con," whispered she, " that these treasures have an 
 odour of rapine, but let us see if the Church cannot purify 
 them. A silver lamp to the Virgin can throw a lustre upon 
 deeds that have not ' loved the light.' An embroidered petti- 
 coat can cover a great many small sins, and the incense that 
 rises from a gold censer, offered by pious hands, will do much 
 to correct the pungency of even the saltest tears." 
 
 Build a chapel, Con ; endow a nunnery ; or, if you don't 
 
 A A
 
 354 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 like shutting up young ladies, let it be a " monkery ;" make 
 an investment in hair-cloth shirts and cord girdles; buy shares 
 in the grand Purgatory scheme, and take out " next world 
 scrip," in the shape of masses, jubilees, and novenas. You 
 can keep a bishop, without feeling the cost, and have a whole 
 candle manufactory perpetually at the service of " our lad}-," 
 without being obliged to curtail one of your own wax-lights. 
 What a revulsion did this bright thought give to all my pre- 
 vious doubtings ! not only satisfying my scruples here, but 
 suggesting very comfortable associations for hereafter. By 
 this proceeding, Con, thought I, you are "hedging against 
 hereafter :" you may be a Sardanapalus while you live, and a 
 saint after death : it's betting upon the " double event," with 
 all the odds in your favour. 
 
 I must say, for the sake of my credit, that I resolved to " do 
 the thing handsomely." I determined that a finer virgin should 
 not be seen than mine, and that if a " Saint Cregan " could be 
 discovered in the catalogue, I'd adopt him as my patron, at 
 any cost ; neither would I forget the poor old miner in my 
 pious offerings : he should have masses said for him for a 
 full twelvemonth to come, and I'd offer a silver pick-axe to 
 any of the calendar who would deign to accept it. In a word, 
 there was nothing that money could do (and what can it 
 not ?) that I would not engage to perform, so that the Church 
 should consent to take me into partnership. 
 
 Never was a poor head exposed to such a conflict of dis- 
 cordant thought. Plans of pleasures and pilgrimages ; gor- 
 geous visions of enjoyment, warring with fancies of sackcloth 
 and scourges ; sumptuous dinners, equipages, theatres, balls, 
 and festivities, mingling with fastings, processions, and morti- 
 fications, made up a chaos, only a shade above downright 
 insanity. 
 
 The day wore on, and it was late in the afternoon ere I 
 bethought me of the poor Gambusino, beside whose open grave 
 I still sat, lost in speculation. " Poor fellow ! " said I, as I 
 hoisted his coffin on my shoulder, " you have got a rich pall- 
 bearer for one who died in such poverty ; you little thought 
 you would be borne to the grave by a millionaire ! " As I 
 said this — I shame to own it — there was a tinge of self- 
 commendation in the notion, as though inferring — " See what 
 a noble fellow I am ! with gold and gems, such as an emperor 
 might envy ; and yet look at me, carrying a poor old miner's 
 body to the grave, just as if we were equals ! " 
 
 " It's very handsome of you, Con — that I must say ! " whis- 
 pered I to myself; but, somehow, the poor dog did not appear
 
 "the discovery." 355 
 
 to take the same exalted notion of my magnanimity, but was 
 entirely engrossed by his sorrow ; for he lay crouching upon 
 the earth, uttering cries the most piteous and heart-rending, 
 at each shovelful I threw in the grave. 
 
 " Cheer up, poor fellow !" said I, patting him, " you shall 
 have a gold collar, and a clasp of real emerald." How natur- 
 ally does a rich man recur to wealth as the cure for every 
 affliction ! How difficult for him to believe that gold is not 
 a sovereign remedy for all disorders. 
 
 As for the dog, poor brute ! he took no more heed of my 
 consolation, than he noticed my altered condition — of which, 
 by his familiarity, he showed himself totally unconscious. 
 How differently had he behaved, thought I, had he been a 
 man ! What sudden respect had he felt for me, — what 
 natural reluctance to obtrude himself on me, — how honoured 
 by my notice, — how distinguished by my favour ! It is plain 
 the dog is a very inferior animal ; his perceptions are not 
 fine enough to distinguish between the man of wealth and 
 the pauper ! 
 
 These and very similar reflections engaged me while I com- 
 pleted my task ; after which, I carried my precious burthens 
 off, and deposited them within the hut. By this time I was 
 very hungry, but had nothing to eat, save the fragments that 
 remained from my breakfast, — a singular meal for one who, 
 in a fitting place, could have dined sumptuously, and off ves- 
 sels of gold and silver ! I had the appetite of a poor man, 
 however, and eat heartily ; and then, taking my gourd of 
 wine, sat down beside a little spring that issued from the 
 rock, to think over my future. 
 
 Perhaps my whole life — not wanting in hours of pleasure 
 and enjoyment — never presented anything so truly delightful 
 as that evening. 
 
 The season of gratification which I had dreamed of, sighed, 
 panted, and prayed for, was now to be mine. I was at last 
 to be a "gentleman," so far, at least, as immense wealth and 
 a very decided taste for spending it could make me. But 
 were these, I flatteringly asked myself, all my qualifications ? 
 Was I not master of three or four languages Y Had I not 
 become an expert shot, an excellent rider, a graceful dancer, 
 with some skill upon the guitar and the mandolin ? Could I 
 not contend in most exercises where strength and activity 
 were required with any ? Had I not travelled and seen 
 something of the world and its ways ? Ay, marry, and a 
 little more of both tiian was usual for young gentlemen of 
 fortune ! 
 
 A A 2
 
 356 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 Of personal advantages it might not become me to speak ; 
 bat the truth requires me to say, that nature had dealt very 
 handsomely by me. And now, I ask of the fair reader — the 
 nnfair one I put out of court on the occasion — " are not these 
 very pretty chances with which to woo fortune ? " Less san- 
 guine spirits would perhaps have sighed for more, and asked 
 for a hundred gifts, of whose use aud value I knew nothing 
 — such as birth, family influence, and the like. As for me, I 
 was content with the " hand of trumps " Fate had dealt with 
 me ; I owned frankly, that if I lost the game, it must be for 
 lack of skill, and not of luck. 
 
 My plans were very simple. Once at Guajuaqualla, I 
 should find out where Donna Maria de los Dolores lived, and 
 then, providing myself with a suitable equipage and servants. 
 I should proceed to pay my addresses in all form, affecting to 
 have resumed my real rank and station, from which on our 
 first acquaintance, a passing caprice had withdrawn me. I 
 anticipated, of course, very shrewd inquires as to my family 
 and fortune ; but I trusted to " native wit " to satisfy these, 
 secretly resolving at the time, that I would avoid lying for 
 the future ; and apropos of this propensity, I had never 
 indulged in it, save from that vagrant impulse, that tempts a 
 child to scamper over the flower-plat of a garden, instead of 
 keeping to the gravel — the great charm being found in the 
 secret that it " was wrong." And, oh, ye dear, good, excel- 
 lent souls whose instincts are always correct, who can pass 
 knockers on doors and not wish to wring them off! — who see 
 gas-lamps in lonely spots, and never think of breaking them ; 
 who neither "humbug" the stupid, nor mistify the vain; who 
 "take life" seriously; forgive the semi- barbarism of our Celtic 
 tastes, which leads us to regard " Fun" as the very honey of 
 existence, and leads us to extract it from every flower in life's 
 path ! 
 
 When I "lied" — as only the great "Pinto" ever lied more 
 atrociously — I was more amused by my own extravagances, 
 than were my listeners. I threw out my inventions among 
 stupid folk, as a rich man flings his guinea among a group of 
 beggars, to enjoy the squabbling and contending for such an 
 unlooked-for prize. 
 
 And now I was going to abandon the habit, as one un- 
 suited to the responsibilities of a rich man's station ! Oh 
 dear, what a sigh honest Jack Fal staff must have heaved 
 when he swore " he would eschew sack and low company, 
 and live cleanly." 
 
 I now addressed myself more practically to my work, and,
 
 357 
 
 seeing that it would be quite impossible for me to carry the 
 great bulk of my treasure to Gruajuaqualla, I replaced the 
 canvas sack, with the gold, and some of the larger bags of 
 the gems in the ground, and merely took those that contained 
 the paper securities, and some of the more valuable emeralds, 
 along with me. 
 
 In parting with my wealth, even for a short absence, I con- 
 fess my feelings were very poignant. A thousand fears beset 
 me, and I turned to survey the spot beneath which it lay, 
 wondering if there was any indication to mark the concealed 
 riches below. All, however, looked safe and plausible ; and 
 I proceeded on my way, with a heart as easy as, I suppose, 
 rich men's hearts are permitted to be! 
 
 I believe the road along which I journeyed lay in the midst 
 of a fertile and pleasing tract : I believe, I say, for I own I 
 saw nothing of it. The river along which I walked seemed 
 silver, molten silver, to me ; the fruit-trees bore apples of pure 
 gold ; the stars which studded the morning sky seemed sap- 
 phires and diamonds ; the dewdrops on the grass were opals 
 all. If I sat down to rest myself, I instantly took one of my 
 precious bags from my pocket, to gaze at the bright treasures 
 it contained, and feast my eyes with brilliancy. 
 
 At last I found myself on the great high road, and as the 
 signpost told me, only " tres leguas " — three leagues — from 
 Guajuaqualla. For a few copper coins I obtained a seat upon 
 a peasant's " carro," and journeyed along more agreeably, 
 secretly laughing to myself at the strange conveyance that 
 carried " Caesar and his fortunes." 
 
 The peasant was an old man, who lived by selling water- 
 melons, gourds, and cucumbers in the city, and knew most of 
 its well-known inhabitants. It was, therefore, a good oppor- 
 tunity for me to learn something of those in whom I was 
 interested. He told me that the banker, Don Xafire Hijaros, 
 had died several years ago, but that his son Manuel carried 
 on the business, and was reputed to be the richest man in 
 Guajuaqualla. It was said that the great wealth of the 
 house had been accumulated, in ways, and by means, that 
 would not bear too close scrutiny. Large sums had been, it 
 was alleged, lodged in his hands by negroes and Indians, 
 working at the mines, the owners of which were often made 
 away with — at least, few of those who made large deposits 
 ever lived to claim them. The peasant told me several stories 
 in illustration of this suspicion; but although they certainly 
 did make an impression upon me, I attributed much to the 
 exaggeration so common to every piece of local gossip, and I
 
 358 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 had seen enough in the world to know how frequently suc- 
 cessful industry meets disparagement. 
 
 As for Don Esteban Olarez, the old man told me that he 
 had once been extremely rich, but that certain soeculations 
 he had entered into, having proved unfortunate, he had lost 
 the greater part of his fortune, and lived now in a state of 
 comparative retirement about a league from Guajuaqualla. 
 This piece of news had not the depressing effect upon me it 
 might be supposed, since I augured that a rich son-in-law 
 would be less scrupulously interrogated by the broken mer- 
 chant, than by the millionaire. I even speculated on the 
 manner I should adopt, to dazzle him by my splendour, and 
 with what cold and cutting irony I would address the Fra 
 Miguel, and thank him for the considerate kindness with 
 which he had repaid my services. Haughty and proud, with 
 a dash of condescension, " that must be my tone," said I ; and 
 so I went on, like my prototype in the Eastern tale, rumina- 
 ting upon my power and my merciful disposition, till I had 
 warmed my blood to a very good tyrant pitch, from which 
 state I was aroused by the guard at the gate of the town, 
 asking if I had anything with, me which should pay custom. 
 
 '' A poor traveller with his knapsack," said I, " may surely 
 pass freely.'* 
 
 " Vaya con Dios," said he, carelessly, and I entered the city. 
 
 Although the little plain in which Guajuaqualla stands is 
 more favourable as a site, than the narrow gorge where 
 Chehuahua is situated — the city itself is inferior to the latter. 
 Built irregularly, not only as chance or caprice directed, but 
 sharing in all the vicissitudes of speculation which the mines 
 afforded, great palaces stand by the side of mean hovels, and 
 gorgeous churches are flanked by abodes of squalid poverty. 
 Streets, properly speaking, there were none. Each choosing 
 the spot for his house at will, and as the city was founded in 
 troubled times, when lawless violence was unrestrained — the 
 fortress-like character of the buildings was ofteu conspicuous. 
 Massive iron bars and stanchions protected the windows of 
 the ground-floors — heavy fastenings secured the doors, whose 
 surface was a fretwork of iron. Loop-holes for musketry, 
 usually guarded each side of the entrance, and a " grille," like 
 that of a convent, showed that no stranger could be admitted, 
 un interrogated. Many of the houses were surrounded by 
 regular outworks of moat and bastion, while here and there 
 an old rusty cannon, half hid among the weeds, would show 
 more pretentious, though possibly not very efficient means of 
 defence.
 
 359 
 
 Of shrines, holy wells, and altars, there was no end. The 
 superstitious character of the Gambusino life had been 
 adroitly laid hold of by the priests, who rarely fail to turn 
 each phase of existence to their own profit, and, in this spot, 
 the priestly hierarchy appeared to have nothing so near at 
 heart as the success of the " Placers." Here were pictured 
 virgins, looking blandly down at a group of very ill-favoured 
 half-breeds, at a washing ; there was an old negro, presenting 
 a massive lump of gold to St. Joseph, who, with a sly look, 
 seemed to promise not to forget the donor. St. Francis him- 
 self, pick in hand, was seen labouring at the head of a sturdy 
 gang of workmen, and angels of all sizes appeared to busy 
 themselves in gold seeking, as though it were their natural 
 pastime. 
 
 Upon several of the altars, pieces of solid gold and silver 
 lay, in a security that said much for the religious zeal of the 
 inhabitants, while lamps of pure silver hung in a profusion 
 on every side — surrounded by votive offerings of the same 
 metal — such as shovels, barretas, picks, and sieves. Nor did 
 piety limit itself merely to incentives to " stand well with the 
 saints ; " some most terrible examples of the opposite line of 
 conduct were conspicuously displayed. Pictures, represent- 
 ing dreadful catastrophes, by falling masses of rock — irrup- 
 tions of torrents — and down-pouring cataracts, showed what 
 fates were ever in store for those who "forgot the Church." 
 And, as if to heighten the effect, whenever a cayman or a 
 jaguar was " sloping off'' with a miner in his mouth — a res- 
 pectable saint was sure to be detected in the offing — wiping his 
 eyes in compassion, but not stirring a finger to his assistance. 
 
 I will not say that these specimens of pictorial piety in- 
 duced any strong religious feeling to my mind, but they cer- 
 tainly amused me highly, and although hungry from a long 
 fast, I stopped full twenty times on my way to the Posada, 
 to gaze and wonder at them. 
 
 At the " Mono " (the " Ape "), a beast, which, at first I 
 mistook for a certain historical character, to whom popular 
 prejudice always vouchsafes a tail, I put up, and having dis- 
 cussed a very sumptuous breakfast, sent for the landlord, a 
 little dark-visaged Jew from Pernambuco. 
 
 II I hear," said I, arranging myself in an attitude of im- 
 posing elegance, " I hear, Sefihor Maestro, that my people 
 and equipages have not arrived yet, and I begin to feel a 
 great anxiety for their safety. Can you learn from any of 
 the Muleros if they have seen two carriages, with four mules 
 each, on the Chehuahua road ? "
 
 3(30 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " I have just inquired," said the Jew, with a sly, almost 
 impertinent leer, " and his Excellency's suite have not been 
 seen." 
 
 " How provoking ! " said I, impatiently ; " this comes of 
 indulging that capricious taste for adventure which always 
 inclines me to a solitary ramble among mountains ; and now, 
 here I am, without clothes, baggage, horses, servants, — in 
 fact, with nothing that a person of my condition is accus- 
 tomed to have about him." 
 
 The Jew's face changed its expression during this speech, 
 and from a look of droll malice, which it wore at first, 
 assumed an air of almost open insolence, as he said, — 
 
 " Senhor Viajador, I am too old to be imposed upon by 
 these fooleries. The traveller who enters an inn on his feet, 
 with ragged clothes and tattered shoes, takes too high a 
 flight when he raves of equipage and followers." 
 
 I bethought me of the lesson I once gave the mate of the 
 transport ship at Quebec, and I lay back indolently in my 
 chair, and stared coolly at the Jew. "Son of Abraham," 
 said I, with a slow intonation, " take care what you say. I 
 indulge in a vast variety of caprices, some of which the 
 severe world calls follies ; but there is one which I never 
 permit myself — namely, to suffer the slightest liberty on the 
 part of an inferior. 1 give you this piece of information for 
 your guidance, since it is possible that business with the 
 banker Don Manuel Hijaros may detain me a few days in 
 this place, and I desire that the lesson be not lost upon you." 
 
 The Jew stood while I delivered these words, a perfect 
 ideal of doubt and embarrassment. The pretentious tone, 
 contrasted with the ragged apparel — the air of insufferable 
 pride, with all the semblance of poverty, and the calm com- 
 posure of confidence, seemed to him singular features in one 
 whose apparent destitution might have suggested humility. 
 
 " I see your embarrassment," said I, " and I forgive your 
 error, and now to business. I have several visits to pay in 
 this neighbourhood ; my people may not arrive for a day or 
 two ; and I cannot afford the delay of waiting for them. 
 Can you tell if there be anything suitable in the way of 
 equipage for a man of rank to be had here ? Something 
 simple, of course, as befitting the place — a plain carriage, 
 with four mules — if Andalusian, all the better ; two laza- 
 dores, or outriders, will be sufficient, as I wish to avoid dis- 
 play ; the liveries and equipment may be plain also." 
 
 " There is at this moment, Senhor, the open carriage of 
 the late Gobernador of Gruajuaqualla, to be soldj he had not
 
 " THE DISCOVERY." 361 
 
 used it when he was called away by death ; that and his six 
 mules — not Andalusian, it is true, but of the black breed of 
 the Habannah, are now at your Excellency's disposal." 
 
 " And the price," said I, not seeming to not'ce the half- 
 impertinent smile that curled his lip as he spoke. 
 
 u Three thousand crowns, Senhor ; less than half their 
 cost." 
 
 " A mere trifle," said I, carelessly, " if the carriage please 
 me." 
 
 " Your Excellency can see it in the court beneath." 
 
 I followed the Jew as he led the way into the open " cour," 
 and, after passing across it, we entered a spacious building, 
 where, amidst a whole hospital of ruined and dilapidated 
 caleches, carres, and waggons, stood a most beautiful britscka, 
 evidently imitated from some London or Parisian model. It 
 was of a dark chocolate colour, with rich linings of pale blue 
 silk. The arms of the late Gobernador were to have been 
 painted on the doors, but fortunately were not begun when 
 he died, so that the " carroza " seemed in every respect a 
 private one. The Jew next showed me the team of mules, 
 magnificent animals of fifteen and half hands in height, and 
 in top condition. The harness and housings were all equally 
 splendid and suitable. 
 
 " If your Excellency does not deem them unworthy of 
 you," said he, with a smile of most treacherous meaning, 
 " they are certainly a great bargain. I have myself ad- 
 vanced fifteen hundred piastres upon them." 
 
 " I'll take them," said I, curtly; " and now for the ser- 
 vants." 
 
 " The coachman and a few lacqueys are here still, your 
 Excellency ; but their liveries had not been ordered when the 
 sad event occurred." 
 
 " Send the first tailor in the place to my apartment," said 
 I ; "and if there be a diamond merchant, or a gem valuer 
 here, let him come also." 
 
 " I am myself a dealer in precious stones, your Excel- 
 lency," replied the Jew, with a more submissive air than he 
 had yet exhibited. 
 
 " Come with me then," said I ; " for I always carry some 
 of my less valuable trinkets about with me, as the least 
 cumbrous mode of taking money." Leaving the landlord in 
 the sitting-room, I passed into my chamber, and speedily 
 re-entered with a handsome emerald ring upon my finger, 
 and a ruby brooch of great size in my breast. 
 
 The Jew's eyes were lit up with a lustre only inferior to
 
 3G2 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 that of the gems, as he saw them, and, in a voice tremulous 
 with eagerness, he said, " Will your Excellency dispose of 
 these?" 
 
 " Yes," said I, carelessly ; " there are others also, which I 
 am determined to turn into cash. What value would you 
 put upon this ring ? " 
 
 " Five hundred crowns, Sefihor, if it be really as pure as 
 it seems." 
 
 " If that be your valuation, friend," rejoined I, u I would 
 be a purchaser, not a seller, in this city. That gem cost me 
 six thousand piastres ! to be sure, something of the price 
 must be laid to the charge of historical associations. It was 
 the present of the Sultan Al Hadgid ak Meerun-ak-Roon, to 
 the Empress Matilda." 
 
 " Six thousand piastres ! " echoed the Jew, whose astonish- 
 ment stopped short at the sum, without any regard for the 
 great names I had hurled at him. " I believe I may have 
 paid a trifle too much," said I, smiling; "the Prince of 
 Syracuse thought it dear ! But then here is a much more 
 valuable stone, which only cost as much : " and so saying, I 
 took from my pocket an immense emerald, which had once 
 formed the ornament of a dagger. 
 
 " Ah, Dios ! that is fine," said the Jew, as he held it 
 between him and the light ; " and were it not for the flaw, 
 would be a rare prize ! " 
 
 " Were it not for the flaw, friend," said I, " it would still be 
 where it stood for upwards of eight hundred years — in the 
 royal crown of Hungary — in the ' Schatz-Kammer ' of Pres- 
 burg. The Emperor Joseph had it mounted in his own poig- 
 nard ; from his hands it reached the Cal ton's of Auersberg, 
 and then, at the value of six thousand piastres, by a wager, 
 came into my own." 
 
 " And at what price would you now dispose of it ? " asked 
 he, timidly. 
 
 " A friend might have it for ten thousand," said I, calmly ; 
 "to the world at large the price would be twelve." 
 
 " Ah, your Excellency ! such sums rest not in our humble 
 city ! You must go to Madrid or Grenada for wealth like that." 
 
 " So I suspect," said I, cooly. " I will content myself with 
 depositing them with my banker for the present; to sell them 
 here would be a needless sacrifice of them." 
 
 " And yet, Senhor, I would willingly be the purchaser of 
 that gem," said he, as he stood, fascinated by the lustre of the 
 stone, from which he could not take his eyes. " If six thou- 
 sand five hundred paistres ■ "
 
 " THE DISCOVERY.'* 363 
 
 11 1 have said ten to a friend, my honest Israelite," inter- 
 rupted I. 
 
 " I am but a poor man, your Excellency — a poor strug- 
 gling hard-working man — content if he but gain the 
 humblest profit by his labour; say, then, seven thousand 
 piastres, and I will sell my mmes vo make up the amount." 
 
 " I will say twelve, and not a doubloon less, ' Senhor Judio,' 
 but a friend may have it for ten." 
 
 "Ah! if your 'Alteza' would but say eight. Eight 
 thousand piastres counted down upon the table in honest 
 silver," said he ; and the tears stood in his eyes as he sup- 
 plicated. 
 
 "Be it so," said I, " but upon one condition. Should you ever 
 reveal this, or should you speak of the transaction in any 
 way, there is no manner of evil and mischief I will not work 
 you. If it cost me half my fortune, I will be your ruin ; for 
 I refused to part with that same to the Primate of Seville, 
 and he would never forgive me if the story should reach his 
 ears." 
 
 The Jew wished the Patriarchs to witness his oath of 
 secrecy, and though each of us was well aware that the other 
 was lying, somehow we seemed satisfied by the exchange of 
 our false coinage. I suppose we acted on the same principle 
 as the thieves, who could not keep their hands out of each 
 other's pockets, although they knew well there was nothing 
 there. 
 
 Whatever the Jew's suspicion of the means by which I had 
 become possessed of such wealth, he prudently thought that 
 he might reap more profit by falling in with my plans, than 
 by needlessly scrutinizing my character; and, so far, he 
 judged wisely. 
 
 The contract for the carriage I completed on the spot, and 
 having engaged the servants and ordered their liveries — plain 
 suits of brown with gold tags, aiguilettes — I gave directions 
 for my own wearing apparel, in a style of costly magnificence 
 that confirmed me in the title of " Alteza," given by all who 
 came in contact with me. These occupations occupied the 
 entire morning, and it was only late in the afternoon that I 
 had spare time to recreate myself by a walk in the garden of 
 the inn before dinner ; a promenade which, I am free to own, 
 was heightened in its enjoyment by the rich rustling sounds 
 of my heavy silk robe-de-chambre, and the soft downy tread 
 of my velvet slippers on the smooth turf. It was a delicious 
 moment ! the very birds seemed to sing a little pa3an of 
 rejoicing at my good luck ; the flowers put forth their
 
 364 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 sweetest odours as I passed, and I felt myself in ecstasy with 
 the whole creation, and in particular with that segment of it 
 called Con Cregan. And there be folk in this world would 
 call this egotism and vanity ; ay, and by worse names too ! 
 As if it was not the very purest philanthropy — as if my self- 
 content did not spring from the calm assurance that the 
 goods of fortune were bestowed in the right direction and 
 that the goddess whom men call " fickle," was in reality a 
 most discriminating deity ! 
 
 There are no two things in creation less alike than a rich 
 man and a poor one ! Not only do all their thoughts, feel- 
 ings, and affections run in opposite channels, but their judg- 
 ments are different; and from the habit of presenting 
 particular aspects to the world, they come at last to conform 
 to the impressions conceived of them by the public. The 
 eccentricities of wealth are exalted into fashions — the pecu- 
 liarities of poverty are degraded to downright vices. 
 
 "Oh, glorious metal!" exclaimed I, as I walked along, 
 "that smoothes the roughest road of life, that makes the 
 toughest venison savoury, and renders the rudest associates 
 civil and compliant, what insolence and contumely had I not 
 met with here, in thi3 poor ' Posada,' had I only been what 
 my humble dress and mean exterior denoted ! and now, what 
 is there that J. cannot exact — what demands can I make, and 
 hear that they are impossible ? " 
 
 " His Excellency's dinner is served," said the host, as he 
 advanced with many a low and obsequious salutation, to 
 announce my dinner. 
 
 I suppose that the cookery of the " Mono " was not of the 
 very highest order, and that if presented before me now, it 
 would meet but sorry acceptance from my more educated 
 palate ; but at the time I speak of, it seemed actually delicious. 
 There appeared to arise faint odours of savoury import, from 
 dishes whose garlic would now almost suffocate me, and I 
 luxuriated in the flavour of wine, every glass of which would, 
 at this day, have put my teeth on edge. If my enjoyment 
 was great, however, I took care not to let it appear too 
 palpable ; on the contrary, I criticized and condemned, with 
 all the fastidiousness of a spoiled nature, and only conde- 
 scended to taste anything on the perpetual assurance of the 
 host, that " though very different from what his Excellency 
 was used to, it was exactly to the taste of the late ' (jober- 
 nador.' " 
 
 I felt all the swelling importance of wealth within me, as I 
 beheld the cringing lacqueys and the obsequious host, who
 
 " THE DISCOVEKY." 365 
 
 never dared to carry himself erect in my presence — the very 
 meats seemed to send np an incense to my nostrils. The 
 gentle wind that shook the orange blossoms, seemed made to 
 bear its odonrs to my senses — all Nature appeared tributary 
 to my enjoyment. And only to think of it ! all this adu- 
 lation was for poor Con Cregan, the convict's son; the house- 
 less street-runner of Dublin ; the cabin-boy of the yacht ; 
 the flunkey at Quebec ; the penniless wanderer in Texas ; the 
 wag of the " Noria," in Mexico ; — what a revulsion, and how 
 sudden and unexpected ! 
 
 It now became a matter of deep consideration within me 
 how I should support this unlooked-for change of condition, 
 without betraying too palpably what the French would call 
 my " antecedents." As to my " relatives," — forgive the poor 
 pun — they gave me little trouble. I had often remarked in 
 life, that vulgar wealth never exhibits itself in a more absurd 
 and odious light, than when indulging in pleasures of which 
 the sole enjoyment is the amount of the cost. The upstart 
 rich man may sit in a gallery of pictures, where Titian, 
 Velasquez, and Vandyck have given him a company, whose 
 very countenances seem to despise him, while he thinks of 
 nothing save the price. If he listen to Malibran, the only 
 sense awakened is the cost of her engagement ; and hence 
 that stolid apathy — the lustreless gaze — the unrelieved weari- 
 ness he exhibits in society, where it is the metal of the 
 " mind " is clinking, and not the metal of the " mint." To a 
 certain extent I did not incur great danger on this head : 
 Nature had done me some kind services ; the chief of which 
 was, she had made me an Irishman ! 
 
 There may seem — alas ! there is too great cause that there 
 should seem — something paradoxical in this boast, now, when 
 sorrow and suffering are so much our portion ! but I speak 
 only of the individuality which, above every other I have 
 seen or heard of, invests a man with a spirit to enjoy what- 
 ever is agreeable in life. Now this same gift is a great sale- 
 guard against the vulgarity of purse pride, since the man 
 who launches forth upon the open sea of pleasure is rarely 
 occupied by thoughts of self. 
 
 As for me, I felt a kind of gluttony for every delight that 
 gold can purchase. What palaces I would inhabit ; what 
 equipages I would drive ; what magnificent fetes I would 
 give ; what inimitable little dinners, where beauty, wit, and 
 genius alone should be gathered together ; what music should 
 I possess in " my private band ; " what exotics in my conser- 
 vatory ; and how I should dispense these fascinations ; what
 
 366 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 happiness would I diffuse in the circle in which I moved, and 
 what a circle would that be ! It was to this precise point my 
 buoyant fancy had brought rne, as the second flask of cham- 
 pagne, iced almost to a crystal, had warmed me into a glow 
 of imaginative enthusiasm. I fancied myself in a gilded 
 saloon, where, amid the glare of a thousand wax lights, a 
 brilliant company were assembled. I thought that at each 
 opening of the folding door a servant announced some 
 name, illustrious from position, or great in reputation, and 
 that around me, as I stood, a group was gathered of all that 
 was distinguished in the world of fashion or celebrity. " Your 
 Royal Highness has made this the proudest day of my life," 
 said I, rising, and bowing reverentially before a faded old 
 arm-chair. " May I offer your Eminence a seat," continued 
 I, to a red sofa-cushion I mistook for a cardinal. " Your 
 Excellency is most heartily welcome," said I, to an emp + y 
 decanter ; and so did I convert every adjunct of the chamber 
 into some distinguished personage, even to my fast expiring 
 lamp, which, with a glimmering flame, and a nauseous odour, 
 was gradually dying away, and which I actually addressed 
 as a great ambassador ! 
 
 After this, I conclude that I must have imagined myself in 
 the East ; possibly taking a cup of sherbet with the Sultan, 
 or a chibouk with the Khan ol Tammerkabund ; for when 
 I became conscious once more, I found myself upon the 
 hearth-rug, where I had been enjoying a delicious sleep for 
 some hours. 
 
 " Would his Excellency desire to see his chamber ? " asked 
 the landlord, as with a branch of candles he stood in the 
 doorway. 
 
 I waved my hand in sign of assent, and followed him.
 
 867 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 " QUAJUAQUALLA." 
 
 Theee are few things in this world gold cannot buy ; but 
 one among their number assuredly is — "a happy dream." 
 Now, although I went to sleep in a great bed with damask 
 hangings, and a gilt crown upon it, my pillow fringed with 
 deep lace, my coverlet of satin edged with gold, I dreamed 
 the whole night through of strifes, combats, and encounters. 
 At one time my enemy would be an Indian ; at another, a 
 half-breed ; now, a negro ; now, a jaguar or a rattlesnake ; 
 but with whom, or whatever the struggle, it was always for 
 money ! Nothing else seemed to have any hold upon my 
 thoughts. Wealth, and wealth alone, appeared the guiding 
 principle of my being ; and, as the penalty, I was now to 
 learn the ceaseless anxieties, the torturing dreads, this passion 
 begets. 
 
 With daylight, however, I awoke, and the bright sun 
 streaming in, brought the glorious reality of my happy lot 
 before me, and reminded me of the various duties my high 
 state imposed. My first care was to ascertain the amount 
 and security of my riches ; and I resolved to proceed regu- 
 larly, and in the most businesslike manner in the matter. To 
 this end I ordered my carriage, and proceeded to pay my 
 visit to the banker, Don Xafire. 
 
 I had devised and demolished full fifty ingenious narratives 
 of myself, when 1 drove into the court-yard where the banker 
 resided, and found myself actually without one single satis- 
 factory account of who I was, whence I came, and by what 
 means I became possessed of the formidable papers I carried. 
 " Let circumstances pilot the event " was my old maxim ; and 
 so saying I entered. 
 
 The rattling tramp of my six mules, the cracking of whips, 
 and the crash of the wheels, brought many a head to the 
 windows of the old gaol-like palace when my carriage drove 
 up to the door, and the two out-riders stood in " a salute " 
 at each side while I descended. " Sua Eccelenza El Conde 
 de Cregano " resounded through the arched hall and passages, 
 as an old servant in a tawdry suit of threadbare livery led the 
 way to Don Xafire's private apartment.
 
 368 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 After a brief wait in a large but meagrely- furnished cham- 
 ber, an old man — or a middle-aged one, with a look of age — 
 entered ; and, with a profusion of ceremonial, in which he 
 assured me that his house, his wife, his oxen, his mules, his 
 asses, and in fact everything " that was his," stood at my 
 disposal, asked to what fortunate event he owed the honour 
 of my visit. 
 
 " I am the representative, Senhor Xafire," said I, " of the 
 great house of Cregan and Company, of which doubtless you 
 have heard ; whose ships walk the waters of the icy seas, and 
 lay at anchor amid the perfumes of the spice islands, and 
 whose traffic unites two hemispheres." 
 
 "May they always be prosperous," said the polite Spaniard, 
 bowing. 
 
 " They have hitherto enjoyed that blessing," responded I, 
 almost thankfully. " Even as the youngest member of the 
 firm, I have nothing to complain of on the score of prosperity." 
 I smiled, took forth a most gorgeous snuff-box, all glittering 
 with brilliants, and presenting it to the Spaniard, laid it 
 carelessly on the table. After a brief pause, to let the splen- 
 dour settle down into his heart, I proceeded to inform him 
 that in the course of commercial transactions, a vast number 
 of bills, receipts for deposits, and other securities, had fallen 
 into our hands, upon many of which we had advanced large 
 sums, seeing that they bore the name of that most respect- 
 able house, the Bank of Don Xafire, of Guajuaqualla. 
 " These would," I added, " have been dispersed through the 
 various channels of trade, had it not been the wish of my 
 partners to open distinct relations with your house, and con- 
 sequently they have retained the papers until a favourable 
 occasion presented itself of personally making the proposi- 
 tion. This happy opportunity has arisen by our recent 
 purchase of the great gold mines of the ' Arguareche ' for 
 seventy millions of piastres, of which you may have read in 
 the Faros de la Habanas." 
 
 He bowed a humble negative ; and I went on to state that 
 our mining operations requiring co-operation and assistance, 
 we desired to open relations with the great house of Don 
 Xafire, whose good fame was well established on the 'Change 
 of Liverpool. 
 
 " You spoke of paper- securities and such like, Senhor ; may 
 I ask of what nature they are ? " 
 
 " You shall see them, Don Xafire," said I, opening a very 
 magnificent pocket-book, and presenting first a receipt, dated 
 forty -eight years back, for the sum of twelve thousand piastres
 
 " GUAJUAQUALLA." 359 
 
 in silver, and four bags, weighing two hundred and eighty 
 pounds of gold dust, from the hands of Menelaus Crick, of 
 the mines of Hajoras, near Guajuaqualla. The Spaniard's 
 dark cheek trembled, and a faint tinge of sickly yellow 
 seemed to replace the dusky olive of his tint, as he said, 
 " This is but wastepaper, Senhor, and I trust your excellent 
 house has advanced nothing on its credit." 
 
 " On the contrary, Senhor Banquiero," responded I, " we 
 have given the full sum, being much advised thereto by com- 
 petent counsel." 
 
 The battle was now opened, and the combat begun. 
 
 It is needless I should weary my reader by recapitulating 
 the tissue of inventions, in which, as in a garment, 1 wrapped 
 myself. I saw quickly, that if I was a rogue, so was my 
 antagonist, and that for every stratagem I possessed, ho was 
 equally ready with another. At last, pushed hard by his 
 evasions, equivocations, and subterfuges, I was driven to 
 utter a shadowy kind of menace, in which I artfully contrived 
 to mix the name of the General Santa Anna, — a word, in 
 those days, of more than talismanic power. 
 
 " And this reminds me," said I, " that one of my suite who 
 lost his way, and was taken prisoner in the Rocky Mountains, 
 committed to my charge a letter, in which, I fancy, the 
 General is interested." This was a random shot, but it 
 struck the bull's-eye through the very centre. The Senhora 
 Dias's letter was enclosed in an envelope, in which a few 
 words only were written ; but these, few as they were, were 
 sufficient to create considerable emotion in Don Xafire, who 
 retired into a window, to read, and re-read them. 
 
 Another shot, thought I, and he's disabled! " It is need- 
 less, then, Don Xafire, to prolong an interview which promises 
 so little. I will therefore take my leave ; my next communi- 
 cation will reach you through the General Santa Anna." 
 
 " May I not crave a little time for consideration, Senhor," 
 said he, humbly : " these are weighty considerations ; there 
 may be other demands still heavier in store for us of the same 
 kind." 
 
 " Tou are right, Senhor ; there are other and still heavier 
 claims, as you very properly opine. Some of them I have 
 here with me ; others are in the hands of our house ; but all 
 shall be forthcoming, I assure you." 
 
 "What may be the gross amount, Senhor?" said the 
 banker, trying, but very ineffectually, to look at his ease. 
 
 " Without pretending to minute accuracy, I should guess 
 the sum at something like seven hundred thousand piastres ; 
 
 B B
 
 370 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 this, exclusive of certain claims for compensation usual in 
 cases of inquiry. You understand me, I believe." The last 
 menace was a shot in the very centre of his magazine, and 
 so the little usurer felt it, as he fidgeted among his papers, 
 and concealed his face from me. 
 
 " Come, Senhor Xafire," said I, with the air of a man who 
 meaus to deal mercifully, and not to crush the victim in his 
 power ; " I will be moderate with you. These bills and 
 receipts shall be all placed in your hands on payment of the 
 sums due, without any demand for interest whatever. We 
 will not speak of the other claims at all. The transaction 
 shall be strictly in honour between us, and nothing shall 
 ever transpire to your disadvantage regarding it. Is this 
 enough ? " 
 
 The struggle in the banker's mind was a difficult one, — but 
 after several hours passed in going over the papers, after 
 much discussion, and some altercation, — I gained the day ; 
 and when I arose to take my leave, it was with my pocket- 
 book stuffed full of bills, on Pernambuco, Mexico, Santa 
 Cruz, and the Havannah, with letters of credit, bonds, and 
 other securities ; the whole amounting to four hundred thou- 
 sand piastres, — the remaining sum of three hundred thou- 
 sand, I had agreed to leave in Don Xafire's hands at reason- 
 able interest. In fact, I was but too happy in the possession 
 of so much, to think twice about what became of the 
 remainder. 
 
 I presented my friend Xafire with my ruby brooch, as a 
 souvenir ; not, indeed, that he needed anything to remind 
 him of our acquaintance; and we parted with all the regrets 
 of brothers about to separate. 
 
 " You will stay some days with us here, I hope ? " said he, 
 as he conducted me to my carriage. 
 
 " I intend a short visit to some of the old 'Placers' in your 
 neighbourhood," replied I, " after which, I mean to return 
 here ; " and so, with a last embrace, we parted. 
 
 My next care was to pay a visit to Don Estaban, for I was 
 burning with anxiety to see Donna Maria once more, and to 
 open my campaign as a rich suitor for her hand. The day 
 chosen for this expedition seemed a fortunate one, for the 
 road, which led through a succession of vineyards, was 
 thronged with townspeople and peasants, in gay holiday 
 dresses ; all wending their way in the same direction with 
 ourselves. I asked the reason, and heard that it was the 
 fete of the Virgin de los Dolores, whose chapel was on the 
 ^tate of Don Estaban. I bethought me of the time when I
 
 " GUAJUAQUALLA. 871 
 
 had planned a pilgrimage to that same shrine — little sus- 
 pecting that I was to make it in my carriage, with six mules 
 and two outriders ! 
 
 In less than an hour's drive we came in sight of Don 
 Estaban's villa, built on the side of a richly- wooded mountain, 
 and certainly not betraying any signs of the reduced fortune 
 of which I had heard. A series of gardens, all terraced in 
 the mountain, lay in front, among which fountains were play- 
 ing, and jets d'eau springing. A small lake spread its calm 
 surface beneath, reflecting the whole scene as in a mirror, 
 with its feathery palm-trees and blossoming mimosas, 
 beneath whose shade hundreds of visitors were loitering or 
 sitting, while the tinkling sounds of guitar and mandolin 
 broke the stillness. 
 
 It was a strange and curious sight ; for while pleasure 
 seemed to hold unbounded sway on every side, the procession 
 of priests in rich vestments, the smoke of censers, the red 
 robes of acolytes, mingled with the throng, and the deep 
 chanting of the liturgies, were blended with the laughter of 
 children, and the merry sounds of light-hearted joy. " I have 
 come in the very nick of time," thought I, " to complete this 
 scene of festivity ;" and finding that my carriage could only 
 advance slowly along the crowded avenue, I descended, and 
 proceeded on foot, merely attended by two lacqueys to make 
 way for me in front. 
 
 A lively controversy ran among the spectators at each side 
 of me, of which I was evidently the subject, — some averring 
 that I was there as a portion of the pageant, an integral 
 feature in the procession ; others, with equal discrimination, 
 insisting that my presence was a polite attention on the part 
 of Our Lady de "Los Dolores," who had sent an illustrious 
 personage to grace the festival as her representative. On 
 one point all were agreed, — that my appearance amongst 
 them was a favour which a whole life of devotion to me could 
 not repay ; and so rapidly was this impression propagated, 
 that it sped up the long approach through various groups and 
 knots of people, and actually reached the villa itself, long 
 before my august person arrived at the outer court. 
 
 Never was dignity — at least such dignity as mine — en- 
 trusted to better hands than those of my " Ca9adores." They 
 swaggered along, pushing back the crowds on each side, as 
 though it were a profanation to press too closely upon me. 
 They flourished their great, gold-headed canes, as if they 
 would smash the skulls of those whose eager curiosity out- 
 stepped the reverence due to me ; and when at length we 
 
 B B 2
 
 372 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 reached the gates of the court-yard, they announced my name 
 with a grandeur and pomp of utterance, that, I own it 
 frankly, actually appalled myself ! I had not, however, much 
 time given me for such weaknesses, as, directly in front of 
 the villa, at a table spread beneath an awning of blue silk, sat 
 a goodly company, whose splendour of dress, and profusion of 
 jewellery, bespoke them the great guests of the occasion. 
 The host, it was easy to detect him by the elevated seat he 
 occupied, rose as I came forward, and with a humility I 
 never can praise too highly, assured me that if any choice 
 were permitted him in the matter, he would prefer dying on 
 the spot, now that his worldly honours could never exceed 
 the triumph of that day ; that all the happiness of the festi- 
 vity was as gloom and darkness to his soul, compared to the 
 brilliancy my presence diffused ; and not only was every- 
 thing he owned mine from that moment forth, but, he 
 ardently hoped he might have a long line of grandchildren, 
 and great grandchildren, to be my slaves in succeeding gene- 
 rations. 
 
 While the worthy man poured forth these " truths " in all 
 the nourish of his purest Castilian, and while I listened to 
 them with the condescending urbanity with which a sovereign 
 may be presumed to hear the strains of some national melody 
 in their praise, as pleasant, though somewhat stale, another 
 individual was added to the group, whose cunning features 
 evinced nothing either of the host's reverence or of my gran- 
 deur. This was Fra Miguel, the Friar, who, in a costume of 
 extraordinary simplicity, stood staring fixedly at me. 
 
 " II Conde de Cregano ! " repeated Don Estaban. " I have 
 surely heard the name before. Your highness is doubtless a 
 grandee of Spain ? " 
 
 " Of the first class ! " said I, with a slight cough ; for the 
 confounded Friar never took his eyes off me. 
 
 "And we have met before, Sefior Conde," said he, with a 
 most equivocal stress upon the last words. " How pleasant 
 for me to thank the Conde for what I believed I owed to the 
 mere wayfarer." These words he uttered in a whisper close 
 to my own ear. 
 
 " Better that, than ungratefully desert a benefactor ! " said 
 I, in the same low tone ; then, turning to Don Estaban, who 
 stood amazed at our dramatic asides, I told him pretty much 
 what I had already related to the banker at Guajuaqualla ; only 
 adding, that during an excursion which it was my caprice to 
 make alone and unaccompanied, I had been able to render a 
 slight service to his fair daughter, Donna Maria de Los
 
 " GUAJUAQUALLA." 873 
 
 Dolores, and that I could not pass the neighbourhood with- 
 out inquiring after her health, and craving permission to kiss 
 her hand. 
 
 " Is this the Senhor Cregan of the ' Rio del Crocodielo ? ' " 
 cried Don Estaban, in rapture. 
 
 " The same whom we left in safe keeping with our Brothers 
 of Mercy, at Bexar ? " exclaimed the Friar, in affected amaze- 
 ment. 
 
 " The very same, Fra Miguel, whom you humanely con- 
 signed to the Lazaretto of Bexar, — an establishment which 
 has as little relation to ' mercy ' as need be ; the same who, 
 having resumed the rank and station that belong to him, can 
 afford to forget your cold-hearted desertion." 
 
 " San Joachim of Ulloa knows if I did not pay for masses 
 for your soul's repose ! " exclaimed he. 
 
 " A very little care of me in this world," said I, "had been 
 to the full as agreeable as all your solicitations for me in the 
 next; and as for San Joachim," added I, " no witness can be 
 received as evidence who will not appear in court." 
 
 "It is a pleasure to see your excellency in the perfect en- 
 joyment of your faculties," said the Fra, with a deceitful 
 smile ; but I paid little attention to his sneer, and turned 
 willingly to Don Estaban, whose grateful acknowledgments 
 were beyond all bounds. He vowed that he owed his 
 daughter's life to my heroism, and that he and she, and all 
 that were theirs, were mine. 
 
 " Very gratifying tidings these," thought I, u for a man 
 who only asks for an ' instalment of his debt/ and will be 
 satisfied with the lady." 
 
 "Maria shall tell you so herself," added Don Estaban, in 
 a perfect paroxysm of grateful emotion. " Don Lopez y 
 Cuesta y Goloso can never forget your noble conduct." Not 
 caring much how retentive the memory of the aforesaid 
 hidalgo might prove, — whom I at once set down as an uncle 
 or a godfather, — I hastened after the host to where his 
 daughter sat at the table. I had but time to see that she 
 was dressed in black, with a profusion of diamonds scattered 
 not only through her hair, but over her dress, when she arose, 
 and ere I could prevent it, fell at my feet, and covered my 
 hands with kisses- — calling me her " Salvador," in a voice of the 
 wildest enthusiasm ; an emotion which seemed most electrically 
 to seize upon the whole company ; for I was now laid hold of 
 by every limb, and hugged, kissed, and embraced by a score 
 of people ; the large majority of whom, I grieve to say, were 
 the very hardest specimens of what is called the softer sex.
 
 374 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 One member of the company maintained a look of cold 
 distrust towards me, the very opposite of all this cordiality. 
 This was Don Lopez, who did not need this air of dislike to 
 appear to my eyes the ugliest mortal I had ever beheld. He 
 was exceedingly short of stature, but of an immense breadth; 
 and yet, even with this, his head was far too big for his 
 body. A huge spherical mass, parti-coloured with habits of 
 debauch, looked like a terrestrial globe, of which the mouth 
 represented the equator. His attempts at embellishment had 
 even made him more horrible ; for he wore a great wig, with 
 long curls flowing upon his shoulders ; and his immense mous- 
 tachios were curled into a series of circles, like a ram's horn. 
 His nose had been divided across the middle by what seemed 
 the slash of a cutlass ; the cicatrix remaining of an angry red 
 colour, amid the florid hue of the countenance. 
 
 The expression of these benign features did not disgrace 
 their symmetry. It was a cross between a scowl and a sneer ; 
 the eyes and brow performed the former, the mouth assuming 
 the latter function. 
 
 Blushing with shame, and trembling with emotion, Maria 
 led me towards him ; and in accents I can never forget, told 
 how I had rescued her in the passage of the Crocodile River. 
 The wretch scowled more darkly than before, as he listened, 
 and when she ended, he muttered something between his 
 bloated lips that sounded marvellously like " Picaro! " 
 
 " Your godfather scarcely seems so grateful as one might 
 expect, Seiihora," said I. 
 
 " Muerte de Dios ! " he burst out ; " I am her husband." 
 
 Whether it was the simple fact so palpably brought for- 
 ward, the manner of its announcement, or the terrible curse 
 that involuntarily fell from my lips, I know not, but Donna 
 Maria fell down in a swoon. Fainting among foreigners, I 
 have often found, is regarded next door to actually dying ; and 
 so it was here. A scene of terror and dismay burst forth that 
 soon converted the festivity into an uproar of wild con- 
 fusion. Everyone screamed for aid, and dashed water in his 
 neighbour's face. The few who retained any presence of 
 uind filled out large bumpers of wine, and drank them off. 
 Meanwhile Donna Maria was sufficiently recovered to be con- 
 ducted into the house, whither she was followed by her 
 " marido," Don Lopez, whose last look as he passed me was 
 one of insulting defiance. 
 
 The cause of order having triumphed, as the newspapers 
 say, 1 was led to one side by Don Estaban, who in a few 
 words told me that Don Lopez was a special envoy from the
 
 375 
 
 Court of Madrid, come out to arrange some disputed ques- 
 tion of a debt between the two countries ; that he was a 
 Grandee d'Espana, a Golden Fleece, and I don't know what 
 besides ; his title of Donna Maria's husband being more than 
 enough to swallow up every other consideration with me. 
 The ceremony had been performed that very morning. It 
 was the wedding breakfast I had thrown into such confusion 
 and dismay. 
 
 Don Estaban, in his triumphal narrative of his daughter's 
 great elevation in rank — of the proud place she would occupy 
 in the proud court of the Escurial — her wealth, her splendour, 
 and her dignity, could not repress the fatherly sorrow he felt 
 at such a disproportioned union ; nor could he say any thin o» 
 of his son-in-law but what concerned his immense fortune. 
 "Had it been you, Senhor Conde," cried he, throwing him- 
 self into my arms — " you, young, haudsome, and well-born as 
 you are, I had been happy." 
 
 " Is it too late, Don Estaban?" said I, passionately. " I 
 have wealth that does not yield to Don Lopez ; and Maria is 
 not — at least, she was not — indifferent regarding me." 
 
 " Oh, it is too late, far too late ! " cried the father, wring- 
 ing his hands. 
 
 " Let me speak with Maria herself. Let me also speak 
 with this Don Lopez. I may be able to make him understand 
 reason, however dull his comprehension." 
 
 " This cannot be, Senhor Caballero," said another voice. 
 It was Fra Miguel, who, having heard all that passed, now 
 joined the colloquy. " Nothing short of a dispensation from 
 the Holy See could annul the marriage, and Don Lopez is nob 
 likely to ask for one." 
 
 " I will not suffer it," cried I, in desperation. "I would 
 rather carry her away by force than permit such a desecra- 
 tion." 
 
 " Hush, for the love of the Virgin, Senhor," cried Don 
 Estaban. " Don Lopez is captain of the Alguazils of the 
 Guard, and a Grand Inquisitor." 
 
 " What signifies that in Mexico ?" said I, boldly. 
 " More than you think for, Senhor." whispered Fra Miguel. 
 " We have not ceased to be good Catholics, although we are 
 no longer subjects of old Spain." There was an air of cool 
 menace in the way these words were spoken that made me 
 feel very ill at ease. I soon rallied, however, and, drawing the 
 Frair to one side, said, " How many crowns will buy a cande- 
 labrum worthy of your chapel?" 
 
 He looked at me fixedly for a few seconds, and his shrewd
 
 376 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 features assumed a character of almost comic cunning. " The 
 Virgin de los Dolores is too simple for such luxuries, Senhor 
 Conde," said he, with a sly drollery. 
 
 "Would she not condescend to wear a few gems in her 
 petticoat ?" asked I, with the easy assurance of one not to be 
 balked. 
 
 " She has no pleasure in such vanities," said the Fra, with 
 an hypocritical casting down of his eyes. 
 
 " Would she not accept of an embroidered handkerchief," 
 said I, "to dry her tears ? I have known one of this pattern 
 to possess the most extraordinary powers of consolation ; " 
 and as I spoke I drew forth a bank-note of some amount, and 
 gently drew it across his knuckles. 
 
 A slight tremor shook his frame, and a short convulsive 
 motion was perceptible in the hand I had "galvanized ; " but 
 in an instant, with his habitual calm smile and mellow voice, 
 he said, " Tour piety will bring a blessing upon you, Senhor, 
 but our poor shrine is unused to such princely donations." 
 
 " Confound the old hypocrite," muttered I to myself; "what 
 is he at?" — "Fra Miguel," said I, assuming the business-like 
 manner! of a man who could not afford to lose time; "the 
 Virgin may be, and doubtless is, all that you say of her ; but 
 there must needs be many excellent and devout men here, 
 yourself doubtless amongst the number, who see numberless 
 objects of charity, for whom their hearts bleed in vain. 
 Take this, and remember that he who gave it, only asks as a 
 return your prayers and good wishes." 
 
 The Friar deposited the present in some inscrutable fold of 
 his loose garment, and then drawing himself proudly up, said, 
 " Well, now, what is it ?" 
 
 " Am I too late ?" asked I, with the same purpose-like 
 tone. 
 
 " Of course you are ; the ceremony is finished ; the con- 
 tracts are signed and witnessed. In an hour they will be 
 away on their road to the Havannah." 
 
 " You have no consolation to offer me, — no hope ? '' 
 
 " None of an earthly character," said he, with a half-closed 
 eye. 
 
 " Confound your hypocrisy ! " cried I, in a rage. 
 
 "Don't be profane," said he, calmly. " What 1 have said 
 is true. Heaven will some day take Don Lopez; he is too 
 good for this wicked world, and then, who knows what may 
 happen ! w 
 
 This was but sorry comfort, waiting for the bride to become 
 a widow ; but alas, I had no better ! besides, it had cost me a
 
 u GUAJUAQUALLA." 377 
 
 heavy snm to obtain, and accordingly I prized it the more 
 highly. 
 
 If my anxieties were acute, apparently Don Lopez's mind 
 was not in a state of perfect serenity. He stormed and 
 raved at everybody and everything. He saw, or what was 
 pretty much the same thing, he fancied he saw, a plot in the 
 whole business ; and swore he would bring the vengeance of 
 the Holy Office upon everybody concerned in it. In this 
 blessed frame of mind the departure of the newly- wedded 
 pair took place in spite of all my entreaties ; Don Lopez drove 
 away with his young bride, — the last I beheld of her was a 
 white hand waving a handkerchief from the window of the 
 carriage. I looked, and — she was gone ! 
 
 If some were kind-hearted enough to pity me, the large 
 majority of the company felt very differently, and bore any- 
 thing but friendly feelings to one who had marred the festiv- 
 ities, and cut short — Heaven could only tell by what number 
 of days — the eating, dancing, singing, and merriment. 
 
 The old ladies were peculiarly severe in their comments, 
 averring that no well-bred man would have thought of inter- 
 fering with a marriage. It was quite time enough to talk of 
 his passion when the others were six or eight months married ! 
 
 Of the younger ladies, a few condoled with me, praised my 
 heroism and my constancy, and threw out sly hints that when. 
 I tried my luck next, fortune might possibly be more generous 
 to me. Don Estaban himself appeared to sympathize sin- 
 cerely with my sorrow, and evinced the warmest sense of 
 gratitude for the past. Even the Fra tried a little goodnature, 
 but it sat ill upon him, and it was easy to see that he enter- 
 tained a great mistrust of me. 
 
 From the brief experience of what I suffered in these few 
 days, I am decidedly of opinion that rich men are far more 
 impatient under reverses and disappointments than poor ones ! 
 It was a marvellous change for one like me, whose earlier 
 years, it is unnecessary to remind the reader, were not passed 
 in the lap of that comfortable wet nurse called " affluence," 
 and yet with all this brilliant present and still more fascinat- 
 ing future, at the very first instance of an opposition to my 
 will, I grew sad, dispirited, and morose. I should have been 
 very angry with myself for my ingratitude, but that I set it 
 all down to the score of love ; and so I went about the house, 
 visiting each room where Donna Maria used to sit, reading 
 her books, gazing at her picture, and feeding my mind with a 
 hundred fancies, which the next moment of thought told me 
 were now impossible.
 
 378 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 Don Estaban, whose grief for the loss of his daughter was 
 in a manner divided with mine, would not suffer me to leave 
 him, and although the place itself served to keep open the 
 wound of my regret, and the Fra's presence was anything but 
 conciliatory, I passed several days at the villa. 
 
 It would have been the greatest relief to me could I have 
 persuaded myself to be candid with Don Estaban, and told 
 him frankly the true story of my life. I felt that all the con- 
 solations which he offered me were of no avail, simply because 
 I had misled him ! The ingenious tissue of fiction in which 
 I enveloped myself, was a web so thin, that it tore whenever 
 I stirred, and my whole time was spent, as it were, in darning, 
 patching, and piecing the frail garment with which I covered 
 my nakedness. 
 
 A dozen times every day T jumped up, determined to reveal 
 my humble history ; but as regularly did a sentiment of false 
 shame hold me back, and a dread of old Fra Miguel's mali- 
 cious leer, should he hear the story. Another,— and a strange 
 feeling, too, — influenced me. My imaginary rank, birth, and 
 station, had, from the mere force of repetition, grown to be a 
 portion of myself. I had played the part with such applause 
 before the world, that I could not find in my heart to retire 
 behind the scenes, and resume the humble dress of my real 
 condition. 
 
 By way of distracting my gloomy thoughts, I made little 
 excursions in the surrounding country, in one of which I 
 contrived to revisit the "placer," and carry away all the 
 treasure which I had left behind me. This was much 
 more considerable than I had at first believed, the gems 
 being of a size, and beauty, far beyond any I had ever seen 
 before ; while the gold, in actual coined money, amounted to 
 a large sum. 
 
 Affecting to have changed my original intention of invest- 
 ing a great capital in the mines of Mexico, and resolved 
 instead to return to Europe, I consulted Don Estaban as to 
 the safest hands in which to deposit my money. He named a 
 certain wealthy firm at the Havannah, and gave me a letter 
 of introduction to them, requesting for me all the attention 
 in their power to bestow ; and so we parted. 
 
 It was with sincere sorrow I shook his hand for the la^t 
 time ; his cordiality was free-hearted and affectionate ; and I 
 carry with me, to this hour, the memory of his wise counsels 
 and honest precepts, as treasures, not the least costly, I 
 b?'ought away with me from the New World. 
 
 I arrived safely at the Havannah, travelling in princely
 
 " GUAJUAQUALLA." 379 
 
 state, witli two carriages and a great baggage-waggon, guarded 
 by four mounted " carabinieros," who had taken a solemn oath 
 at the shrine of a certain Saint Magalano to eat any bandits 
 who should molest us, — a feat of digestion, which I was not 
 sorry their devotion was spared. 
 
 The bankers to whom Don Estaban's letters introduced me 
 were most profuse in their offers of attention, and treated me 
 with all the civilities reserved for the most favoured client. 
 I only accepted, however, one invitation to dinner, to meet 
 the great official dignitaries of the place, and the use of their 
 box each evening at the opera, affecting to make delicacy of 
 health the reason of not frequenting society ; a pretext I had 
 often remarked in use among people of wealth and distinc- 
 tion, among whose privileges there is that of being sick with- 
 out suffering. 
 
 There was a French packet-ship to sail for Malaga in about 
 ten days after my arrival, and, as I knew that Don Lopez 
 intended to leave that port for Europe, I quietly waited in 
 the Havannah, determined to be his fellow-traveller. In 
 preparing for this voyage, every thought of my mind was 
 occupied, resolved to outdo the old Spaniard in luxury and 
 magnificence. I ordered the most costly clothes, I engaged 
 the most accomplished servants, I bespoke everything which 
 could make the tediousness of the sea less irksome, even to 
 the services of a distinguished performer on the guitar, who 
 was about to visit Europe, and engaged to begin his journey 
 under such distinguished patronage as that of the Conde de 
 Cregano. 
 
 What wonderful speculations did I revel in as I pictured 
 to myself Don Lopez's ineffectual rage and his fair wife's 
 satisfaction, when 1 should first make my appearance on deck, 
 — an appearance which I artfully devised should not take 
 place until we were some days at sea ! What agonies of 
 jealousy should I not inflict upon the old Castilian ! what 
 delicate flatteries should I not offer up to the Donna ! I had 
 laid in a store of moss-rose plants, to present her with a 
 fresh bouquet every morning, — and then I would serenade her 
 each night beneath the very window of her cabin. So per- 
 fectly had I arranged all these details to my own satisfaction, 
 that the voyage began to appear a mere pleasure-excursion, 
 every portion of whose enjoyment originated with me, and 
 all whose blanks and disappointments owed their paternity to 
 Don Lopez ; so that, following up these self-created convic- 
 tions in my usual sanguine manner, I firmly persuaded myself 
 that the worthy husband would either go mad, or jump over-
 
 380 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 board, before we landed at Malaga. Let not the reader fall 
 into the error of supposing that hatred to Don Lopez was 
 uppermost in my thoughts. Far from it — I wished him in 
 heaven every hour of the twenty-four, and would will- 
 ingly have devoted one-half of my fortune to make a saint 
 of him in the next world, rather than make a martyr in 
 this. 
 
 1 was walking one evening in my banker's garden, chat- 
 ting pleasantly on indifferent topics, when, on ascending a 
 little eminence, we came in view of the sea. It was a calm 
 and lovely evening, a very light land-breeze was just rippling 
 the waters of the bay — fringing the blue with white, when 
 we saw the graceful spars of a small sloop of war emerge 
 from beneath the shadow of the tall cliffs, and stand out to 
 sea. 
 
 "The Moschetta" said he, "has got a fair wind, and will 
 be out of sight of land by daybreak." 
 
 " Whither is she bound ? " asked I, carelessly. 
 
 " For Cadiz," said he ; " she came into port only this 
 morning, and is already off again." 
 
 " With despatches, perhaps ? " I remarked, with the same 
 tone of indifference. 
 
 "No, seiilior ; she came to convey Don Lopez y Geloso, the 
 Spanish ambassador, back to Madrid." 
 
 " And is he on board of her now ? " screamed I, in a per- 
 fect paroxysm of terror. " Is she too ? " 
 
 " He embarked about an hour ago, with his bride and 
 suite," said the astonished banker, who evidently was not 
 quite sure of his guest's sanity. 
 
 Overwhelmed by these tidings, which gave at once the 
 death-blow to all my plans, I could not speak, but sat down 
 upon a seat, my gaze fixed upon the vessel which carried all 
 my dearest hopes. 
 
 " You probably desired to see his Excellency before he 
 sailed ? " said the banker, timidly, after waiting a long time 
 in the expectation that I would speak. 
 
 " Most anxiously did I desire it," said I, shrouding my sor- 
 row under an affectation of important state solicitude. 
 
 "What a misfortune," exclaimed he, "that you should 
 have missed him ! in all likelihood, had you seen him, he 
 would have agreed to our terms." 
 
 " You are right," said I, shaking my head sententiously, 
 and neither guessing nor caring what he alluded to. 
 
 " So that he would have accepted the guarantee," ex- 
 claimed the banker, with increased excitement.
 
 " GUAJUAQUALLA." 381 
 
 " He would have accepted the guarantee," echoed I, with- 
 out the remotest idea of what the words could mean. 
 
 " Oh, Madre cle Dios ! what an unhappy mischance is this ! 
 Is it yet too late ? Alas, the breeze is freshening, — the sloop 
 is already sinking beyond the horizon ; to overtake her would 
 be impossible ; and you say that the guarantee would have 
 been accepted ?" 
 
 " You may rely upon it," said T, the more confidently, as I 
 saw that the ship was far beyond the chance of pursuit. 
 
 " What a benefactor to this country you might have been, 
 seiihor, had you done us this service ! " cried the banker with 
 enthusiasm. 
 
 "Well, it is too late to think of it now," said I, rather 
 captiously ; for I began to be worried with the mystification. 
 
 " Of course, for the present it is too late ; but when you 
 arrive in Europe, Seiihor Conde, — when you are once more 
 in the land where your natural influence holds sway, may we 
 entertain the hope that you will regard our case with the 
 same favourable eyes ? " 
 
 " Yes, yes," said I, with impatience, " if I see no reason to 
 change my opinions." 
 
 " Upon the subject of the original loan there can be no 
 doubt, Seiihor Conde." 
 
 " Perhaps not," said I ; "but these are questions I must 
 decline entering upon. You will, yourself, perceive that any 
 discussion of them would be inconvenient and indiscreet." 
 
 The diplomatic reserve of this answer checked the warmth 
 of his importunity, and he bashfully withdrew, leaving me to 
 the undisturbed consideration of my own thoughts. 
 
 I sat till it was already near midnight, gazing on the sea, my 
 eyes still turned to the track by which the vessel had disap- 
 peared, and at last rose to retire, when, to my amazement, I 
 perceived my friend, the banker, accompanied by another 
 person, approaching towards me. 
 
 " Seiihor Conde," said he, in a mysterious whisper ; " this 
 is his Excellency the Governor ; " and with these words, 
 uttered in all the reverence of awe, he retired, leaving me 
 face to face with a tall dignified-looking personage, whose 
 figure was concealed in the folds of a great cloak. 
 
 In all the formal politeness of his rank and country, the 
 Governor begged I would be seated, and took his place beside 
 me. He explained how the banker, one of the richest and 
 most respected men in the Havannah, had informed him of 
 my gracious intentions respecting them, and the sad mishap 
 by which my mediation was foiled. He entered at length
 
 382 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 into the question of the debt, and all its financial difficulties ; 
 which, even had they been far less intricate and complicated, 
 would have puzzled a head which never had the bump arith- 
 metical. How he himself saw his way through the labyrinth 
 I know not, but had the sum been a moderate one, I vow I 
 would rather have paid it myself than investigate it any 
 farther ; such an inextricable mass of complications, doubles, 
 and difficulties, did it involve. 
 
 " Thus, you perceive," said he, at the close of a formidable 
 sum of figures, " that these eighteen millions made no part 
 of the old loan, but were, in fact, the first deposit of what is 
 called the 'Cuba debt;' not that it ever should have had 
 that name, which more properly belonged to the original 
 Poyais three-and-a-half — you understand me ? " 
 
 " Perfectly — proceed." 
 
 " That being the case, our liability is reduced to the sum of 
 twenty-seven millions on the old four-and-a-quarters." 
 
 "Clearly so." 
 
 " Now we approach the difficult part of the matter," said he, 
 " and I must entreat your most marked attention ; for here 
 lies the point which has hitherto proved the stumbling-block 
 in the way of every negotiation." 
 
 I promised the strictest attention, and kept my word till I 
 found myself in a maze of figures, where compound interest 
 and decimal fractions danced a reel together, whose evolutions 
 would have driven Mr. Babbage distracted; while the Governor, 
 now grown " warm in the harness," kept exclaiming at every 
 instant, "Do you see how the ' Ladrones ' want to cheat us 
 here ? Do you perceive what the Picaros intend by that ? " 
 
 If I could not follow his arithmetic, I could at least sym- 
 pathize in his enthusiasm ; and I praised the honour of the 
 Mexicans, while I denounced "the cause of roguery" over the 
 face of the globe, to his heart's content. 
 
 " You are satisfied about the original debt, Serihor Conde ? " 
 ■ — at last, said he, after a "four-mile heat" of explanation. 
 
 " Most thoroughly," said I, bowing. 
 
 " You'd not wish for anything farther on that head ? " 
 
 " Not a syllable." 
 
 " And as to the Cuba instalment — you see the way in which 
 the first scrip became entangled in the Chihuahua 'fives,' 
 don't you ? " 
 
 " Plain as my hand before me." 
 
 " Then, of course, you acknowledge our right to the reserve 
 fund ? " 
 
 " I don't see how it can be disputed," said I.
 
 " GUAJUAQTJALLA." 383 
 
 "And yet tbat is precisely what the Madrid Government 
 contest ! " 
 
 " What injustice ! " exclaimed I. 
 
 " Evident as it is to your enlightened understanding, Senhor 
 Conde, you are, nevertheless, the first man I have ever found 
 to take the right view of this transaction. It is a real pleasure 
 to discuss a state- question with a great man." 
 
 Hereupon we both burst forth into an animated duet of 
 compliments, in which, I am bound to confess, the Governor 
 was the victor. 
 
 " And now, Senhor Conde," said he, after a long volley of 
 panegyric," may we reckon upon your support in this affair ? " 
 
 " You must understand, first of all, Excellenza," replied I, 
 " that I am not in any way an official personage. I am," — 
 here I smiled with a most fascinating air of mock humility, — 
 " I am, so to speak, a humble — a very humble individual, of 
 unpretending rank and small fortune." 
 
 " Ah ! Senhor Conde," sighed the Governor, for he had heard 
 of my ingots from the banker. 
 
 " Being as I say," resumed I, " my influence is naturally 
 small. If I am listened to in a matter of political importance, 
 1 owe the courtesy, rather to the memory of my family's 
 services, than to any insignificant merits I may possess. The 
 cause of justice is, however, never weak — no matter how 
 humble the means of him who asserts it. Such as I am, rely 
 upon me." 
 
 We embraced here, and the Governor shed a few official 
 tears at the thought of so soon separating from one he regarded 
 as more than his brother. 
 
 "We feel, Senhor Conde," said he, " how inadequate any 
 recognition of ours must be for services such as yours. We 
 are a young country and a Republic ; honours we have none 
 to bestow — w r ealth is already your own — we have nothing to 
 offer, therefore, but our gratitude." 
 
 " Be it so ! " thought I, " the burthen will not increase my 
 luggage." 
 
 " This box will remind you, however, of an interview, and 
 recall one who deems this the happiest, as it is the proudest, 
 hour of his life ; " here he presented me with a splendid gold 
 snuff-box, containing a miniature of the President surrounded 
 by enormous diamonds. 
 
 Resolving not to be outdone in generosity, and, at least, not 
 to be guilty of dishonesty before my own conscience, I insisted 
 upon the Governor's acceptance of my watch — a very costly 
 repeater studded with precious stones.
 
 384 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 "The arms of my family — the Cregans are Irish — will bring 
 me to your recollection," said I, pointing to a very magnificent 
 heraldic display on the timepiece, wherein figured the ancient 
 crown of Ireland, over a shield, in one compartment of which 
 was an "eye winking," the motto being the Gaelic word, 
 " Nabocklish," signifying " Maybe not," ironically. 
 
 I will not dwell upon the other particulars of an interview 
 which lasted till nigh morning. It will be sufficient to mention 
 that I was presented with letters of introduction and recom- 
 mendation, to the Mexican Ministers at Paris and Madrid, 
 instructing them to show me every attention, and desiring 
 them to extend to me their entire confidence, particularly to 
 furnish me with introductions to any official personages with 
 whom I desired to be acquainted. This was all that I wanted — 
 for I was immensely rich, and only needed permission to pass 
 the door of the " great world," to mingle in that society for 
 which my heart yearned and longed unceasingly. 
 
 Some of my readers will smile at the simplicity which 
 believed these passports necessary, and was ignorant that 
 wealth alone is wanting to attain any position, to frequent any 
 society, to be the intimate of any set in Europe, and that the 
 rich man is other than he was in classic days, — " Honoratus, 
 pulcher, rex denique regum." 
 
 I have lived to be wiser, and to see vulgarity, coarseness, 
 meanness, knavery, nay, even convicted guilt, the favoured 
 guests of royal saloons. The moral indictments against crime 
 have to the full as many flaws as the legal ones ; and we see, 
 in every society, men, and women too, as notoriously criminal 
 as though they wore the red-and-yellow livery of the galleys. 
 Physicians tell us that every drug whose sanitary properties 
 is acknowledged in medicine, contains some ingredients of a 
 noxious or poisonous nature. May not something similar exist 
 in the moral world ? and even in the very healthiest mixture, 
 may not some " bitter principle " be found to lurk ?
 
 385 
 
 CH1PTER XXVIII. 
 
 "THE VOYAGE 0? THE 'ACAME.'" 
 
 I WAS not sorry to leave the Havannah on the following day. 
 I did not desire another interview with my "friend" the 
 Governor, but rather felt impatient to escape a repetition of 
 his arithmetic, and the story of the "original debt." 
 
 Desirous of supporting my character as a great personage, 
 and, at the same time, to secure for myself the pleasure of 
 being unmolested during the voyage, I obtained the sole 
 right to the entire cabin accommodation of the Acaclie for 
 myself and suite, — my equipages, baggage, and some eight or 
 ten Mexican horses occupying the deck. 
 
 A salute of honour was fired as I ascended the ladder, 
 and replied to by the forts — a recognition of my dignity at, 
 which I took occasion to seem offended, assuring the captain 
 that I was travelling in the strictest incognito ; leaving it to 
 his powers of calculation to compute what amount of retinue 
 and followers I should have when journeying in the full blaze 
 of acknowledged identity. 
 
 I sat upon the poop-deck as they weighed the anchor, con- 
 trasting in my mind my present condition with that of my 
 first marine experiences on board the Firefly. I am richer, 
 thought I. Am I better ? Have I become more generous, 
 more truthful, more considerate, more forgiving? 
 
 Has my knowledge of the world developed more of good 
 in me, or of evil ? Have my own successes ministered, 
 rather to my self-esteem than to my gratefulness ; and have 
 I learned to think meanly of all who have been beaten in 
 the race of fortune ? Alas ! there was not a count of this 
 indictment to which I dared plead " Not guilty." I had 
 seen knavery thrive too often, not to feel a kind of respect 
 for its ability ; I saw honesty too often w T orsted, not to feel 
 something like contempt for its meekness. It was difficult 
 to feel a reverence for poverty, whose traits were frequently 
 ridiculous ; and it was hard to censure wealth, which dis- 
 pensed its abundance in splendid hospitalities. Oh, the cun- 
 ning sophistries by which we cover up our real feelings in this 
 
 C G
 
 386 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 life, smothering every healthy impulse, and every generous 
 aspiration, under the guise of some " conventionality." 
 
 My conscience was less lenient than I expected. I cut but 
 a sorry figure " in the dock," and was obliged to throw my- 
 self upon the mercy of the court. I will be more considerate 
 in future, said I to myself ; I will be less exacting witli my 
 servants, and more forgiving to their delinquencies ; I will try 
 and remember that tliere is an acid property in poverty that 
 sours even the sweetest " milk of human kindness ! " I will be 
 trustful, too — a "gentleman " ought not to be suspicious ; it 
 is eminently becoming a Bow Street officer, but suits not the 
 atmosphere of good society. These excellent resolutions 
 were, to a certain extent, " apropos ; " for just as " the fore- 
 sail began to draw " a boat came alongside and hailed the 
 ship. I did not deign any attention to a circumstance so 
 trivial to " one of my condition," and never noticed the con- 
 versation which in very animated tones was kept up between 
 the captain and the stranger, until the former, approaching 
 me with the most profound humility, and asking forgiveness 
 for the great liberty he was about to take, said that a gentle- 
 man, whom urgent business recalled to Europe, humbly 
 entreated permission to take his passage on board the 
 Acadie. 
 
 " Are you not aware it is impossible, my good friend ? " 
 said I, listlessly ; " the accommodation is lamentably restricted 
 as it is ; my secretary's cabin is like a dog-kennel, and my 
 second cook has actually to lie round a corner, like a snake." 
 
 The captain reddened, and bit his lip in silence. 
 
 "As for myself," said I, heroically, "I never complain. 
 Let me have any little cabin for my bed, a small bath-room, 
 a place to lounge in during the day, with a few easy sofas, 
 and a snug crib for a dinner-room, and I can always rough it. 
 It was part of my father's system never to make Sybarites 
 of his boys." This I asserted with all the sturdy vehemence 
 of truth. 
 
 " We will do everything to make your Excellency comfort- 
 able," said the captain, who clearly could not see the reasons 
 for my self-praise ; " and as to the Consul — what shall we 
 say to him ? " 
 
 " Consul, did you say ? " said I. 
 
 " Yes, Senhor Conde, he is the French Consul for the 
 Republic of ' Campecho.' " That this was a state I had 
 never heard of before was quite true ; yet it was clearly 
 one which the French Government were better informed upon, 
 and deigned to recognize by an official agent.
 
 "THE VOYAGE OF THE 'ACADIE. " 887 
 
 u Hold on there a bit ! " shouted out the captain to the 
 boat's crew. " What shall I say, Senhor Conde ? The Che- 
 valier de la Boutonerie is very anxious on the subject." 
 
 " Let this man have his passage," said I, indolently, and 
 lighted a cigar, as if to turn my thoughts in another direc- 
 tion, not even noticing the new arrival, who was hoisted up 
 the side with his portmanteau in a very undignified fashion 
 for an official character. He soon, however, baffled this 
 indifference on my part, by advancing towards me, and in 
 a manner where considerable ease and tact were evident 
 thanked me for my polite consideration regarding him, and 
 expressed a hope that he might not in any way inconvenience 
 me during the voyage. 
 
 ]S"ow, the Chevalier was not in himself a very prepossessing 
 personage, while his dress was of the very shabbiest, being a 
 worn-out suit of black, covered by a coarse brown Mexican 
 mantle; and yet his fluency, his quiet assurance, his seeming 
 self-satisfaction, gained an ascendancy over me at once. I saw 
 that he was a master in a walk in which I myself had so long 
 been a student, and that he was a consummate adept in the 
 " art of impudence." 
 
 And how mistaken is the world at large in the meaning of 
 that art ! How prone to call the unblushing effrontery of 
 every under-bred man, impudence ! — the rudeness that dares 
 any speech, or adventures upon any familiarity — the soulless, 
 heartless, selfish intrusiveness that scruples not to invade any 
 society. These are not impudence, or they are such speci- 
 mens of the quality as men only possess in common with 
 inferior animals. I speak of that educated, cultivated 
 " impudence," which never abashed by an inferiority — felt 
 acutely — is resolved to overbear worldly prejudices by the 
 exercise of gifts that assert a mastery over others ; — a power 
 of rising, by the expansive force of self-esteem, into some- 
 thing almost estimable— ordinary mortals tell lies at intervals 
 per salluni, as the doctors say ; but these people's whole 
 life is a lie. The Chevalier was a fine specimen of the class, 
 and seemed as indifferent to a hundred little adverse cir- 
 cumstances as though everything around him went well and 
 pleasantly. 
 
 There was a suave dignity in the way he moved a very 
 dubious hand over his unshaven chin — in the graceful negli- 
 gence he exhibited when disposing the folds of his threadbare 
 cloak — in the jaunty lightness with which, after saluting, he 
 replaced his miserable hat on the favoured side of his head, 
 that conveyed the whole story of the man. 
 
 C C 2
 
 388 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 What a model for my imitation had he been, thought I, if 
 I had seen him in the outset of life ! what a study he had 
 presented ! and yet there he was, evidently in needy circum- 
 stances, pressed on by even urgent want, and I, Con Cregan, 
 the outcast — the poor friendless street-ruined — had become a 
 " millionaire." 
 
 I don't know how it was, but certainly I felt marvellously 
 ill at ease with my new friend. A real aristocrat, with all 
 the airs of assumption and haughtiness, would have been 
 a blessing compared with the submissive softness of the 
 " chevalier." Through all his flattery there seemed a sly 
 consciousness that his honeyed words were a snare, and his 
 smile a delusion ; and I could never divest myself of the 
 feeling that he saw into the very secret of my heart, and 
 knew me thoroughly. 
 
 I must become his dupe, thought I, or it is all over with 
 me. The fellow will detect me for a "parvenu" long before 
 we reach Malaga ! 
 
 No man, born and bred to affluence, could have acquired 
 the keen insight into life that I possessed. I must mask 
 this knowledge, then, if I would still be thought a " born 
 gentleman." This was a wise resolve ; at least its effects 
 were immediately such as I hoped for. The Chevalier's little 
 sly sarcasms, his half-insinuated " equivoques," were changed 
 for a tone of wonder and admiration for all I said. How 
 one so young could have seen and learned so much ! — what 
 natural gifts I must possess ! — how remarkably just my views 
 were ! — how striking the force of my observations ! — and all 
 this, while I was discoursing what certainly does not usually 
 pass for " consummate wisdom." I soon saw that the Chevalier 
 set me down for a fool ; and from that moment we changed 
 places — he became the dupe versus me. To be sure, the con- 
 trivance cost me something, as we usually spent the evenings 
 at picquet or ecarte, and the consul was the luckiest of men ; 
 to use his own phrase, applied to one he once spoke of — 
 " savait corriger la fortune." 
 
 Although he spoke freely of the fashionable world of Paris 
 and London, w T ith all whose celebrities he affected a near 
 intimacy, he rarely touched upon his New World experiences, 
 and blinked all allusion whatever to the republic of " Cam- 
 pecho." H is own history was comprised in the brief fact that 
 he w T as the cadet of a great family of Provence. — All your 
 French rogues 1 remark come from the south of France. — That 
 he had once held a high diplomatic rank, from which, in conse- 
 quence of the fall of a ministry, he was degraded, and, after
 
 " THE VOYAGE OF THE ' ACADIE. ' C89 
 
 many vicissitudes of fortune, lie had become Consul-General 
 at Campecho. " My friends," continued he, " are now looking 
 up again in the world, so that I entertain hopes of something 
 better than perpetual banishment." 
 
 Of English people, their habits, modes of life, and thought, 
 the Chevalier spoke to me with a freedom he never would have 
 used, if he had not believed me to be a Spaniard, and only 
 connected with Ireland, through the remote chain of ancestry. 
 This deceit of mine was one he never penetrated, and I often 
 thought over the fact with satisfaction. To encourage his 
 frankness on the subject of my country, I affected to know 
 nothing, or next to nothing, of England ; and. gradually he 
 grew to be more communicative, and at last spoke with an 
 unguarded freedom which soon opened to me a clue of his 
 real history. 
 
 It was one day as we walked the deck together, that, after 
 discussing the tastes and pursuits of the wealthy English, he 
 began to talk of their passion for sport, and especially horse- 
 racing. The character of this national pastime he appeared 
 to understand perfectly, not as a mere foreigner who had 
 witnessed a Derby or a Doncaster, but as one conversant 
 with the traditions of the turf or the private life of the jockey 
 and the trainer. 
 
 I saw that he coloured all his descriptions with a tint meant 
 to excite an interest within me for these sports. He drew a 
 picture of an "Ascot meeting," wherein were assembled all 
 the ingredients that could excite the curiosity and gratify 
 the ambition of a wealthy, high-spirited youth ; and he 
 dilated with enthusiasm upon his own first impressions 
 of these scenes, mingled with half-regrets of how many 
 of his once friends had quitted the "Turf" since he last 
 saw it ! 
 
 He spoke familiarly of those whose names I had often read 
 in newspapers as the great leaders of the " sporting world," 
 and affected to have known them all en terms of intimacy and 
 friendship. Even had the theme been less attractive to me, I 
 would have encouraged it for other reasons, a strange glim- 
 mering suspicion ever haunting my mind that I had heard 
 of the worthy Chevalier before, and under another title ; and 
 so completely had this id< a gained possession of me, that I 
 could think of nothing else. 
 
 At length, after we had been some weeks at sea, the wel- 
 come cry of " Land ;" was given from the mast-head ; but as 
 the weather w .s hazy and thick, we were compelled to shorten 
 sail, and mad-^ comparatively little way thrjugh the water;
 
 390 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 so that at nightfall we saw that another day mnst elapse ere 
 we touched mother earth again. 
 
 The Chevalier and the Captain both dined with me ; the 
 latter, however, soon repaired to the deck, leaving us in 
 tete-a-tete. It was in all likelihood the last evening we 
 should ever pass together, and I felt a most eager longing to 
 ascertain the truth of my vague suspicions. Chance gave 
 me the opportunity. We had been playing cards, and luck 
 — contrary to custom, and in part owing to my always shuf- 
 fling the cards after my adversary — had deserted him and 
 taken my side. At first this seemed to amuse him, and he 
 merely complimented me upon my fortune, and smiled blandly 
 at my success. After a while, however, his continued losses 
 began to irritate him, and I could see that his habitual com- 
 mand of temper was yielding to a peevish, captious spirit he 
 had never exhibited previously. 
 
 " Shall we double our stake ?" said he, after a long run of 
 ill-luck. 
 
 " If you prefer it, of course," said I. And we played on, 
 but ever with the same result. 
 
 " Come," cried he, at last, " I'll wager fifty Napoleons on 
 this game." The bet was made, and he lost it ! With the 
 like fortune he played . on and on, till at last, as day was 
 dawning, he had not only lost all that he had won from me 
 during the voyage, but a considerable sum besides, and for 
 which he gave me his cheque upon a well-known banker at 
 Paris. 
 
 " Shall I tell you your fortune, Monsieur le Comte?" said 
 he, in a tone of bitterness that almost startled me. 
 
 " With all my heart," said I, laughing; "are you skilful 
 as a necromancer ? " 
 
 " I can at least decipher what the cards indicate," said 
 he. " There is no great skill in reading, where the print is 
 legible." With these words he shuffied the cards, dividing 
 them into two or three packets, the first card of each he 
 turned on the face. " Let me premise, Count," said he, 
 " before I begin, that you will not take anything in bad part 
 which I may reveal to you, otherwise I'll be silent. You are 
 free to believe, or not to believe, what I tell you, — but you 
 cannot reasonably be angry if unpleasant discoveries await 
 you." 
 
 "Go on fearlessly," said I; "I'll not promise implicit 
 faith in everything, but I'll pledge myself to keep my 
 temper." 
 
 He began at once, drawing forth every third card of each
 
 " THE VOYAGE OF THE ' ACADIE.' " 391 
 
 heap, and disposing them in a circle, side by side. When 
 they were so arranged, he bent over, as if to study them, 
 concealing his eyes from me by his hand, — but at the same 
 time, as I could perceive, keenly watching my face between 
 his fingers. " There is some great mistake here," said he at 
 length, in a voice of irritation. " I have drawn the cards 
 wrong, somehow ; it must be so, since the interpretation is 
 clear as print. What an absurd blunder, too!" and he 
 seemed as if about to dash the cards up in a heap, from a 
 sense of angry disappointment. 
 
 "Nay, naj-," cried I, interposing. "Let us hear what 
 they say, even though we may dispute the testimony." 
 
 " If it were less ridiculous it might be offensive," said he, 
 smiling ; " but being as it is, it is really good laughing- 
 matter/' 
 
 " I am quite impatient, — pray read on." 
 
 " Of course it is too absurd for anything but ridicule," said 
 he, smiling, but, as I thought, with a most malicious expres- 
 sion. " You perceive here this four of clubs, which, as the 
 first card we turn, assumes to indicate your commencement 
 in life. Now, only fancy, Monsieur le Comte, what this most 
 insolent little demon would insinuate. Really, I cannot 
 continue. Well, well — be it so. This card would say, that 
 you were not only born without rank or title, but actually in 
 a condition of the very meanest, and most humble poverty. 
 Isn't that excellent ?" said he, bursting out into a fit of im- 
 moderate laughter, in which the spiteful glance of his keen 
 eyes seemed to pierce through and through me. 
 
 As for me, I laughed too ; but what a laugh it was ! Never 
 was a burst of natural sorrow so poignant in suffering as that 
 forced laugh, when, covered with shame, I sat there, beneath 
 the sarcastic insolence of the wretch who seemed to gloat over 
 the tortures he was inflicting. 
 
 " I can scarcely expect that this opening will inspire you 
 with much confidence in the oracle," said he ; " the first step 
 a falsehood, promises ill for the remainder of the journey." 
 
 " If not very veracious," said I, " it is at least very amus- 
 ing. Pray continue." 
 
 " What would the old counts of your ancestry have said to 
 such a profanation ?" cried the Chevalier. " By St. Denis, I 
 would not have been the man to asjDerse their blood thus, in 
 their old halls at Grenada!" 
 
 " We live in a less haughty age," said I, affecting a smile 
 of indifference, and motioning to him to proceed. 
 
 " What follows is the very commonest of that nonsense
 
 392 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 which is revealed in all lowly fortunes. Ton are, as usual, 
 the victim of cold and hunger, suffering from destitution and 
 want. Then, there are indications of a bold spirit, ambitious 
 and energetic, bursting out through all the gloom of your 
 dark condition, and a small whispered word in your ear, 
 tells you to hope !" While the Chevalier rattled out this 
 " rodomontade" at a much greater length than I have time 
 or patience to repeat, his eyes never quitted me, but seemed 
 to sparkle with a fiend-like intelligence of what was passing 
 within me. As he concluded, he mixed up the cards together, 
 merely muttering, half-aloud, " adventures and escapes by 
 land and sea. Abundance of hard luck, to be all com- 
 pensated for one day, when wealth in all its richest profusion 
 is showered upon you." Then, clashing the cards from him 
 in affected anger, he said, "It is enough to make men despise 
 themselves, the way in which they yield credence to such 
 rank tomfoolery ! but I assure you, Count, however con- 
 temptible the oracle has shown herself to-day, I have on more 
 than one occasion been present at the most startling revela- 
 tions, — not alone as regarded the past, but the future also." 
 
 " I can easily believe it, Chevalier," replied I, with a great 
 effort to seem philosophically calm. " One must not reject 
 everything that has not the stamp of reason upon it ; and 
 even what I have listened to to-day, absurd as it is, has not 
 shaken my faith in the divination of the cards. Perhaps 
 this fancy of mine is the remnant of a childish superstition, 
 which I owe in great part to my old nurse. She was a Moor 
 by birth, and imbued with all the traditions and superstitions 
 of her own romantic land." 
 
 There was a most sneering expression on the Chevalier's 
 face as I uttered these words. I paid no attention to it, how- 
 ever, but went on : " From the venerable dame I myself 
 attained to some knowledge of ' destiny reading,' of which 
 I remember once or twice in life to have afforded very singular 
 proofs. My skill, however, usually preferred unravelling the 
 4 future ' to the ' present.' " 
 
 " Speculation is always easier than recital," said the Cheva- 
 lier, drily. 
 
 "Very true," said I; "and in reading the past I have 
 ever found how want of sufficient skill has prevented my 
 giving to the great fact of a story the due arid necessary con- 
 nection ; so that, indeed, I appear as if distinct events alone 
 were revealed to me, without clue to what preceded or fol- 
 lowed them. I see destiny as a traveller sees a landscape by 
 fitful flashes of lightning at night, great tracts of country
 
 "tee voyage of tee 'acadie.'" 895* 
 
 suddenly displayed in all the blaze of noon-day, but lost to 
 sight the next moment for ever! Such humble powers as 
 these, are, I am well aware, unworthy to bear competition 
 with your more cultivated gifts ; but if, with all their imper- 
 fections, you are disposed to accept their exercise, they are 
 sincerely at your service." 
 
 The Chevalier, I suspect, acceded to this proposal in the 
 belief that it was an effort on my part to turn the topic from 
 myself to him, for he neither seemed to believe in my skill, 
 nor feel any interest in its exercise. 
 
 Affecting to follow implicitly the old Moorish woman's 
 precepts, 1 prepared myself for my task by putting on a great 
 mantle with a hood, which, when drawn forward, effectually 
 concealed the wearer's face. This was a precaution I took 
 the better to study his face, while my own remained hid from, 
 view. 
 
 "You are certainly fir more imposing as a prophet than I 
 can pretend to be," said he, laughing, as he lighted a cigar, 
 and lay back indolently to await my revelations. I made a 
 great display of knowledge in shuffling and arranging the 
 cards, the better to think over what I was about ; and at last, 
 disposing some dozen in certain mystic positions before me, 
 I began. 
 
 " You startled me, Chevalier, by a discovery which only 
 wanted truth to make it very remarkable. Let me now repay 
 you by another which I shrewdly suspect to be in the same 
 condition. There are four cards now before me, whose mean- 
 ing is most positive, and which distinctly assert that you, 
 Chevalier de la Boutonerie, are no chevalier at all! " 
 
 " This is capital," said he, filling out a glass of wine and 
 drinking it off with the most consummate coolness. 
 
 " And here," said I, not heeding his affected ease ; " here 
 is another still stranger revelation, which says that you are 
 not a Frenchman, but a native of a land which latterly has 
 taken upon it to supply the rest of the world with adventurers 
 — in plain words, a Pole." 
 
 " It is true that my father, who held a command in the- 
 Imperial army, lived some 3-ears in that country," said he, 
 hastily) " but I have yet to learn that he forfeited his nation- 
 ality by so doing." 
 
 " I only know what the cards tell me," said I, spreading- 
 out a mass of them before me, and pretending to study them 
 attentively ; " and here is a complication which would need a. 
 cleverer expositor than I am. Of all the tangled webs ever 
 I assayed to unravel, this is the knottiest. Why really,
 
 894 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 Chevalier, yours must have been a life of more than ordinary 
 vicissitude, or else my prophetic skill has suffered sadly from 
 disuse." 
 
 " Judging from what you have just told me, I rather lean 
 to the latter explanation," said he, swallowing down two 
 glasses of wine with great rapidity. 
 
 " I suspect such to be the case, indeed," said I, " for other- 
 wise I could scarcely have such difficulty in reading these 
 mystic signs once so familiar to me, and from which I can 
 now only pick up a stray phrase here and there. Thus I see 
 what implies a high diplomatic employment, and yet. imme- 
 diately after, I perceive that this is either a mistake of mine, 
 or the thing itself a cheat and a deception." 
 
 " It surely does not require divination to tell a diplomatic 
 agent that he has served on a foreign mission," said the 
 Chevalier with a sneer. 
 
 " Perhaps not, but I see here vestiges of strange occur- 
 rences in which this fact is concerned. A fleeting picture 
 passes now before my eyes : I see a race-course, with its 
 crowds of people, and its throng of carriages, and the horses 
 are led out to be saddled, and all is expectation and eagerness, 
 and — what ! This is most singular ! the vision has passed 
 away, and I am looking at two figures who stand side by side 
 in a richly-furnished room, a man and a woman. She is 
 weeping, and he consoling her. Stay ! He lifts his head — 
 the man is yourself, Chevalier! " 
 
 " Indeed ! " said he ; but this time the word was uttered in 
 a faint voice, while a pallor, that was almost lividness, coloured 
 his dark features. 
 
 " She murmurs a name; I almost caught it," exclaimed I, 
 as if carried away by the rapt excitement of prophecy. 
 u Yes ! I hear it now, perfectly ; — the name is Alexis ! " 
 
 A fearful oath burst from the Chevalier, and with a bound 
 he sprung to his feet, and dashed his closed fists against 
 his brow. "Away with your jugglery, — have done with 
 your miserable cheat, sir, — that can only terrify women and 
 children. Speak out like a man ;— who are you, and what 
 are you ? " 
 
 " What means this outrage, sir ? How have you forgotten 
 yourself so far as to use this language to me? " said I, throw- 
 ing back the mantle and standing full before him. 
 
 " Let us have no more acting, sir, whether it be as prophet 
 or bully," said he, sternly. " You affect to know me, who I 
 am, and whence I have come. Make the game equal between 
 us, or it may be worse for you."
 
 ^My first attempt atTortime TeUbi^'.
 
 "the voyage of the 'acadie.'" 395 
 
 " You threaten me, then," said I, calmly. 
 
 " I do," was the answer. 
 
 " It is therefore open war between ns ? " 
 
 " I never said so," replied, he with a most cutting irony of 
 manner ; " but whatever secret malice can do — and you shall 
 soon know what it means — I pledge myself you will not find 
 yourself forgotten." 
 
 " Agreed then ; now leave me, sir." 
 
 "I am your guest, sir," said he, with a most hypocritical 
 air of deference and courtesy. " It is surely scant politeness 
 to drive me hence when I am not in a position to find another 
 shelter ; we are upon the high seas ; I cannot walk forth and 
 take my leave. Believe me, sir, the character you would fain 
 perform before the world would not act so." 
 
 Notwithstanding the insult conveyed in the last words, I 
 determined that I would respect " him who had eaten my 
 salt," and with a gesture of assent, for I could not speak, I 
 moved away. 
 
 No sooner was I alone, than I repented me of the rasli folly 
 into which, for the indulgence of a mere petty vengeance, I 
 had been betrayed. I saw that by this absurd piece of malice, 
 I had made an enemy of a man whose whole career vouched 
 for the danger of his malevolence. 
 
 How could he injure me ? What species of attack could 
 he make upon me ? Whether was it more likely that he 
 would avoid me as one dangerous to himself, or pursue me 
 wherever I went by his vengeance ? These were hard ques- 
 tions to solve, and they filled my mind so completely, that I 
 neither heeded the bustle which heralded the arrival on board 
 of the pilot, or the still busier movement which told that we 
 were approaching the harbour. At last I went on deck and 
 approached the bulwark, over which a number of the crew 
 were leaning, watching the course of a boat, that, with all 
 her canvas spread, was making for land. "The pilot-boat," 
 said the captain, in reply to my glance of inquiry ; " she is 
 lying straight in, as the consul is anxious to land at once." 
 
 " Is he on board of her ?" said I, with an anxiety I could 
 not conceal. 
 
 "Yes, Senhor Conde, and your Excellency's secretary too." 
 
 Was it my fear suggested the notion, or was it the simple 
 fact, but I thought that the words " Count " and " Excellency" 
 were articulated with something like a sneer ? I had no 
 opportunity to put the matter to the test, for the captain had 
 already quitted the spot, and was busy with the multifarious 
 cares the near approach to land enforces. My next thought
 
 396 THE CONFESSIONS OF OON OREGAN. 
 
 was, Why had my secretary gone ashore without my orders ? 
 Was this a piece of zeal on his part to make preparations 
 for our disembarking, or might it be something worse ? and 
 if so, what ? Every moment increased the trouble of my 
 thoughts. Certainly misfortunes do cast their shadows 
 before them, for I felt that strange and overwhelming sense 
 of depression that never is causeless. I ran over every spe- 
 cies of casualty that I could imagine, but except highway 
 robbery, actual " brigandage," I could not fancy any real 
 positive danger to be anticipated from the chevalier. 
 
 How different was my mood from what I expected it would 
 have been on nearing shore ? Where were all my visions of 
 pomp and splendour? Where the proud circumstances of 
 my more than princely state ? Alas, I would have given a 
 full fourth of my wealth to be landed unostentatiously and 
 quietly, and to have my mind relieved from all dread of the 
 cursed Chevalier ! 
 
 That I did not overrate the peril before me, events soon 
 proved.
 
 397 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 THE "CARCEL MORENA" AT MALAGA. 
 
 As we sailed proudly into the harbour of Malaga, my atten- 
 tion, at first directed to the striking features of the shore, 
 where lay a city actually embowered amid orange groves — 
 was soon drawn off by the appearance of a boat, rowed by 
 twelve men, which approached the ship. The national flag 
 of Spain floated from a standard in her stern, and I could 
 mark the glitter of arms and uniform on board of her. 
 
 " The officers of health, I suppose ?" said I, carelessly, to 
 the captain ; " No, Seiihor, these are soldiers of the garrison." 
 
 "Ah! I understand," said I, "they are on the alert as to 
 whom they land in these troublous times ; " for it was the 
 period of the great Carlist struggle. 
 
 " Possibly," was his dry remark ; and he moved away. 
 
 A hoarse challenge from the boat, was answered by some- 
 thing from the ship ; and the "accommodation-ladder" was 
 immediately lowered, and an officer ascended to the deck, 
 followed by two of his men, with their side-arms. 
 
 Some of the ordinary greetings being interchanged be- 
 tween the captain and the officer, the latter said, " My busi- 
 ness here is with the person styling himself the Conde de 
 Cregano. Where is he ? " 
 
 " That is my name, Sefihor," said I, with a studious ad- 
 mixture of civility and condescension. 
 
 " Please to walk this way, sir," said the officer, leading 
 towards the poop cabin, and preceding me with a degree of 
 assurance, that boded ill for his impression of my dignity. 
 
 As we entered the cabin, I could hear the two soldiers 
 taking up their places as sentries at the door. 
 
 " I wish to see your passport, Seiihor," said he, as he seated 
 himself at the table. 
 
 " My passport shall be produced at the fitting time," said 
 I, "when I arrive on shore. Here T have no need of any." 
 
 " You are wrong, sir : once within that circle of buoys, at 
 the mouth of the port, you are within the limits of the shore 
 authorities ; but were it even otherwise, these are not the
 
 398 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 times for scruples, and I, for one, would not hesitate to arrest 
 you on the information I have received." 
 
 "Information you have received, sir!" exclaimed I, in 
 terror and amazement. 
 
 " Yes, sir ; I may as well tell you that Malaga is not in the 
 possession of your friends — -yon will not find a Carlist gar- 
 rison ready to give you a salute of honour at your landing-. 
 Far less formal, but not less peremptory attentions await; 
 you ; but produce your papers, for I have no time to lose." 
 
 I saw at a glance that my position was most perilous, and 
 as rapidly resolved to make an effort for safety. " Senhor 
 Capitana," said I, placing an open pocket-book stuffed with 
 bank-notes before him; "please to accept my passport, and to 
 keep it in your own safe possession. I shall put to sea again, 
 and order the captain to land me at some port in Italy." 
 
 u It is too late," said he, with a sigh, as he pushed the 
 pocket-book away ; " the informations against you are already 
 transmitted to Madrid." 
 
 " Great heavens! and for whom do they take me?" 
 cried I. 
 
 " I cannot tell. I never heard. I only know that I have 
 the order for your arrest as the person assuming to be ' the 
 Concle Cregano.' " 
 
 " What crime is laid to my charge ? — have I defrauded 
 any one ? What is alleged against me ? " 
 
 " Show me your passport," said he again. 
 
 " There it is," said I, producing the document which by 
 Don Estaban's intervention I had obtained from the autho- 
 rities of Guajuaqualla, and wherein I was called a native of 
 Grenada, and a noble of Spain. 
 
 " And all this is true as set forth ?" said the officer. 
 
 " It is a principle of law in my native land, that no pri- 
 soner is called upon to criminate himself," said I. 
 
 " In that case you are no Spp^niard," said the officer, 
 shrewdly, " nor, indeed, does your accent so bespeak yon. 
 You are now under arrest." He opened the door as he said 
 this, and pointing me out to the two sentries, whispered 
 something too low for me to overhear. This done, he left 
 the cabin and went upon deck. 
 
 I looked up from the chair where I sat, into the faces of 
 my two guardians, and a more ill-favoured pair of gentlemen 
 I never beheld. Ill-fed but dissipated-looking rascals, they 
 seemed more like highwaymen than soldiers. Still, even a 
 chance was not to be thrown away, and so I whispered in 
 a soft voice, — " My worthy friends, in that writing-case
 
 TEE " CARCEL MORENA AT MALAGA. d ( Jd 
 
 yonder there are bank-notes to a very large amount. In a 
 few moments they will be taken away from me, never to be 
 restored. I may as well have the satisfaction of knowing 
 that two brave, bnt poor men, are benefited by them. Bring 
 me the desk, and I'll give them to you." They looked at 
 each other and they looked at me : they then looked towards 
 the door and the skylight, and although without speaking, it 
 was plain enough to see what was passing in their minds. 
 
 " Remember," said I, " I ask nothing in return from you. 
 I shall not attempt to escape ; nor were I to do so, could you 
 aid me in any way. I merely wish to assist two worthy 
 fellows, who certainly do not look like the ' spoiled children 
 of fortune.' " 
 
 They hesitated, and seemed afraid ; and at last they whis- 
 pered for a few seconds together; and then one of them went 
 over, and taking up the desk, laid it down before me. " You 
 can make a fair division at another time," said I; "it is 
 better not to waste precious moments now, but at once con- 
 ceal the money about your persons. Here are some eight or 
 ten thousand piastres, — and here, fully as much more for 
 you. These are Mexican notes for a large sum, and these 
 are bills on Amsterdam and Hamburgh for great amounts. 
 That's right, my lads, make short work of it — in your boots, 
 in your shakos — anywhere for the present, only be quiet ! " 
 
 Truly they merited all my encomiums ! to " stow away " 
 plunder I'd back them against any pair who ever stopped a 
 diligence on the high road ; nor was it without some little 
 difficulty I could persuade them to leave any money in the 
 desk, as a precaution to prevent the suspicion of what had 
 actually occurred. As I aided them in the work of conceal- 
 ment, I artfully contrived to possess myself of one paper — 
 the Havannah banker's receipt for the large deposits I had 
 left in his hands, and this I managed to slip within the lining" 
 of my travelling cap. It was a last anchor of hope, if ever 
 I were to weather the storm around me ! 
 
 Our work had scarcely been completed, and the desk re- 
 placed in its former situation, when the officer returned. He 
 briefly informed me that seals had been placed on all my 
 effects, that my household was placed under an arrest similar 
 to my own, and that when I had pointed out the various 
 articles of my property in the cabin, there was nothing more 
 for me to do, but to accompany him on shore. 
 
 As I was not suffered to take any portion of my baggage 
 with me, even of my clothes, I was soon in the boat and 
 pulling rapidly for the land. The quays and the jetty were
 
 400 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 crowded with people wliose curiosity I at once perceived 
 had no other object than myself, and although some did not 
 scruple to exhibit towards me signs of dislike and dissatisfac- 
 tion, I could remark that others regarded me with a com- 
 passionate, and even a kindly look. All were, however, 
 scrupulously silent and respectful, and touched their hats in 
 salutation, as I ascended the stairs of the landing-place. 
 
 This feeling, to my considerable astonishment, I perceived 
 extended even to the soldiery, one or two of whom saluted 
 as I passed. In any case, thought I, it is for no insignificant 
 offender I am taken ; and even that is some comfort, provided 
 my crime be not high treason. 
 
 I was conducted straight to the " Carcel Morena," a large 
 sombre-looking building, which was at once fortress, prison, 
 and residence of the Governor, exhibiting a curious mixture 
 of these incongruous functions in all its details. 
 
 The apartment into which I was ushered was a large 
 saloon, dimly lighted by narrow windows piercing the thick 
 walls. The furniture had once been handsome, but from 
 time and neglect had become worn and disfigured. A small 
 table, spread with a very tolerable breakfast, stood in one of 
 the windows, at which I was invited to seat myself, and then 
 I was left alone to my own lucubrations. Hunger prevailed 
 over grief, I ate heartily ; and having concluded my meal, 
 amused myself by studying the Trojan war, which was dis- 
 played upon the walls in a very ancient tapestry. 
 
 I had traced the fortunes of Greeks and Trojans on the 
 walls till I was wellnigh wearied. I had even gazed upon 
 the little patches of brown grass beneath the windows, till my 
 eyes grew dim with watching, but no one came to look after 
 me, and, in the unbroken silence around, I half feared that I 
 should be utterly forgotten, and left, like the old tapestry, to 
 die of moths and years ; but at last, as day was declining, I 
 heard something like the clank of arms and the tramp of 
 soldiery, and soon the sounds were more distinctly marked, 
 approaching my door. Suddenly the two leaves of the folding 
 door were thrown wide, and an elderly man, in a general's 
 uniform, followed by two other officers, entered. 
 
 Without taking any notice of the salute I made him, he 
 walked towards the fire-place, and, standing with his back to 
 it, said to one of his aide-de-camps, " Read the * proces verbal,' 
 Jose." 
 
 Jose bowed, and taking from his sabretache a very lengthy 
 roll of paper, D6gan to read aloud, bat with such rapidity and 
 such indistinctness withal, that I could only, and with the
 
 THE " CARCEL MORENA " AT MALAGA. 401 
 
 greatest difficulty, catch a stray word here and there. The 
 titles of her Majesty the Queen appeared to occupy full ten 
 minutes, and an equal time to be passed in setting forth the 
 authority under whose jurisdiction I then stood. These over, 
 there came something about an individual who, born a Mexi- 
 can, or a native of Texas, had assumed the style, title, and 
 dignity of a Count of Spain ; such rank being taken for 
 purposes of deception, and the better to effect certain treason- 
 able designs, to be set forth hereafter. After this there came 
 a nourish about the duties of loyalty and fidelity to the 
 sovereign, whose private virtues came in by parenthesis, 
 together with a very energetic denunciation on all base and 
 wicked men, who sought to carry dissension into the bosom 
 of their country, and convulse with the passions of a civil war 
 a nation proverbially tranquil and peace-loving. 
 
 Nothing could be less interesting than the style of this 
 paper, except the manner of him who recited it. State 
 truisms, in inflated language, and wearisome platitudes about 
 nothing, received no additional grace from a snuffling nasal 
 intonation and a short cough. 
 
 I listened at first with the anxiety of a man whose fortunes 
 hung on the issue, then, as the vague rambling character of 
 the document diminished this interest, I heard with more 
 indifference ; and lastly, completely wearied by the monotony 
 of the voice, and the tiresome iterations of the style, I could 
 not prevent my thoughts from wandering far from the affair 
 in hand. 
 
 What fearful crimes were alleged against me — what dire 
 offences I was charged with — I was not to hear, since, lost in 
 the pleasant land of day-dreams, T fancied myself strolling in 
 the shade of a forest, with Donna Maria beside me, while I 
 poured out a most impassioned narrative of my love and 
 fidelity. Nor was it till the reading was concluded, and a 
 loud Hem ! from the General resounded through the chamber, 
 that I remembered where I was. 
 
 "Prisoner! " said he, in a stern, authoritative tone, "you 
 have now heard the nature of the charge against you, and the 
 reasons of your arrest ; you will answer certain questions, the 
 replies to which, if not in accordance with truth, constitute 
 the crime of ' Traicion,' the penalty being death. What is 
 your name ? " 
 " Con Creg.m." 
 " Native of what country ?" 
 "Ireland." 
 
 " What rank and position do you hold in society ? n 
 
 D D
 
 402 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 "A variable one — as luck favours me." 
 
 " What trade or profession do you follow ?" 
 
 " Whatever seems most convenient at the moment." 
 
 " Have you served ?" 
 
 " I have." 
 
 " In the land or sea service ?" 
 
 " In both." 
 
 "With what grade?" 
 
 " Nothing very distinguished." 
 
 " Have you ever held the command of an expedition ?" 
 
 " I have." 
 
 " With what object, and where ?" 
 
 " In the prairies of South America, to shoot red 
 deer." 
 
 "Remember, sir," said the General, "this is no occasion for 
 untimely jest ; these sallies may cost you more dearly than 
 you think for." 
 
 a If I am to speak the truth," said I, boldly, " I must 
 answer as I have done. If you want fiction, I'm ready for 
 you at a moment's notice." 
 
 " Make a note of that, Jose ! — ' says that he is perfectly 
 indifferent whether he tells truth or falsehood.' " 
 
 " And add, by way of parenthesis,' said I, " that the General 
 is precisely of my own way of thinking." 
 
 " Write down, ' insults the commission,' " said the General, 
 boiling with rage. 
 
 The paragraph seemed a full one, for the interrogating was 
 not resumed for some minutes. 
 
 " Now, sir," resumed the General, " state your object in 
 coming to the country." 
 
 " To get out of it as fast as I could." 
 
 " For whose use were the arms provided — the horses, and 
 horse equipage with which you embarked?" 
 
 "My own." 
 
 " Name the agent or agents of Don Carlos with whom 
 you have held correspondence ? " 
 " None. I never knew any." 
 
 " By whose hands were the large sums of money in your 
 possession entrusted to you ?" 
 " I found them." 
 " How, and where ? " 
 "In a hole." 
 
 The General's face grew purple ; and more than once I 
 could see the struggle it cost him to repress his bursting in- 
 dignation And, in the inutterings he let fall to his secretary,
 
 THE " CARCEL MORENA " AT MALAGA. 403 
 
 it was easy to mark that his comments on the evidence were 
 not too favourable. 
 
 " Were you acquainted with Brigadier Hermose Gon- 
 zillos ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 " Nor with his brother, the Canon Gonzillos ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 " When did you first meet Senhor Ruy Peres Y' Hacho ? " 
 
 ""Never saw him in my life." 
 
 " Nor held intercourse with him ?" 
 
 "Never." 
 
 " Were not much in his company, nor entrusted to him the 
 secret details of the expedition?" 
 
 " I know nothing of what you're talking about." 
 
 "Produce Ruy Peres," said the General, and the door 
 opened, and the chevalier, dressed in a military uniform, and 
 with several decorations of foreign orders, entered. 
 
 "Do you know this gentleman ?" said the General, dryly. 
 
 " I know him for a Pole, whose name is Alexis Rad- 
 chofody ; at least, under such a name he once lived in Lon- 
 don, and is well known to the police there." 
 
 " Go on," said the General to the secretary. " On being 
 confronted with the Senhor Ruy Peres, the prisoner became 
 suddenly abashed, and at once confessed that he had known 
 him intimately several years before in London." 
 
 " Is that man a witness against me ? '' asked I, eagerly. 
 
 4t Attend to me, sir," said the General, while he made a 
 sign to the chevalier to retire; "neither subterfuge nor in- 
 solence will avail you here. You are perfectly well known 
 to us ; your early history — your late intrigues — your present 
 intentions." 
 
 " With such intiroat.p knowledge of all about me, General," 
 said I, coolly, "haven't we been wasting a great deal of 
 valuable time in this interrogatory ? " 
 
 " And, notwithstanding repeated admonitions, persisted in 
 using the most indecorous language to the commission." 
 These words the General dictated in a loud voice, and they 
 were immediately taken down by his secretary. 
 
 " Senhor Concregan," said he, addressing me, "you stand 
 now committed, by virtue of a royal warrant, a copy of which, 
 and of the charges laid against you, will be duly transmitted 
 to you. Whenever the authorities have decided whether your 
 offence should be submitted to a civil or military tribunal, 
 you will be brought up for trial." 
 
 "lam an English subject, sir," said I; "I belong to a 
 
 dd2
 
 404 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 nation that never permits its meanest member to be trampled 
 Dn by foreign tyranny, far less will it suffer his liberty or life 
 to be sacrificed to a false and infamous calumny. I claim the 
 protection of my ambassador, or at least of such a representa- 
 tive of my country as your petty locality may possess. I 
 
 desire " What I was about to demand as my birthright 
 
 was not destined to be made public on this occasion, since at 
 a signal from the General the door opened, and two soldieis 
 advancing, adjusted handcuffs on my wrists, and led me away 
 even before I had recovered from the surprise the whole pro- 
 ceeding occasioned me. 
 
 Whether it was that I enjoyed the prerogative of a State 
 prisoner, or that the authorities were not quite clear that 
 they were justified in what they were doing, I cannot gay, but 
 my prison discipline was of the very mildest order. I had 
 a most comfortable room, with a window looking seaward 
 over the beautiful bay of Malaga, taking a wide range along 
 shore, where gardens, and villas, and orange-groves extended 
 for miles. The furniture was neat, and with some pretensions 
 to luxury ; and the fare, I am bound to own, was excellent. 
 Books, and even newspapers, were freely supplied to me, and, 
 save that at certain intervals the clank of a musket and the 
 shuffling of feet in the corridor without, told that the sentry 
 of my guard was being relieved, I could have fancied myself 
 in some homely inn, without a restriction upon my liberty. 
 My handcuffs had been removed the moment I had entered 
 my chamber, and now the iron stanchions of my window 
 w T ere the only reminders of a gaol around me.
 
 405 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY". 
 
 The first revulsion of feeling over — the terrible shock of that 
 fall fr«om the pinnacle of wealth and greatness to the lowly 
 condition of a prisoner, unfriended and destitute, — I actually 
 began to enjoy ray life, and feel something wonderfully like 
 happiness. 1 do not pretend to say that my disappointment 
 was not most acute and painful, or that I suffered little from 
 the contemplation of my ruined hopes. — No ! far from it ; but 
 my grief, like the course of a mountain torrent, soon ran off, 
 and left the stream of my life clear and untroubled as ever. 
 It is true, thought I, this is a terrible contrast to what I was 
 a week ago ! but still, is it not a long way in advance of what 
 my original condition promised ? I am a prisoner in a 
 Spanish fortress — is not even that better than a peasant in 
 an Irish hovel? The very cares with which I am surrounded 
 bespeak a certain consequence pertaining to me ; I am one 
 whom ministers of state think and speak about — whose name 
 is often on their lips — whose memory haunts them in their 
 half- waking moments. Is not this something ? Is it not a 
 great deal to one, whose whole ideal was to avoid the bye- 
 paths of life, and take his course in its very widest and busiest 
 thoroughfares. 
 
 The occupations in which I passed my days greatly con- 
 tributed to sustain this pleasant illusion. I was eternally 
 writing letters, memorials, statements of facts, and what not, 
 of interminable narratives, to all our ministers and consuls, 
 invoking their aid, and protesting in the name of the British 
 nation against the unwarrantable tyranny of my imprison- 
 ment. It is quite true that these lengthy documents of mine 
 seemed to meet but sorry acceptance. For a length of time 
 no acknowledgment of their reception ever reached me, but 
 at last the following dry epistle informed me that my me- 
 morials had reached their destination : — 
 
 " Sir, — I am directed by the Secretary of State for Foreign 
 Affairs to acknowledge the receipt of your memorials, elated 
 the 9th, 12th, 18th, 23rd, and 25th of last month, together
 
 408 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 with various letters bearing on the same subjects since that 
 time, and to state in reply, that the matter of your complaint 
 is at present under investigation with the authorities of the 
 Spanish Government. 
 
 " His lordship the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs 
 desires me to add his regrets, that even in the event of your 
 liberation, he can hold out no prospect whatever that any 
 compensation will be made to you for the loss of property 
 you allege to have suffered, and which, of course, was in- 
 curred as one of the many risks natural to the course of such 
 an expedition as you were engaged in. 
 
 " I have the honour to be, Sir, 
 "F.O., London, "Your most obedient Servant, 
 
 "Oct. 18 — . "Joseph Backslip, 
 
 " To Cornelius Cregan, Esq." 
 
 This was a sad damper ! To think that I was to lose the? 
 immense amount of property with which I had embarked* 
 The gems and jewels, the rare objects of art ; the equipages ; 
 the beautiful horses of purest Mexican blood ! not to speak 
 of that far greater loss — the large sum in actual money ! but, 
 then, what a consolation to remember, that a Secretary of 
 State was mingling his sorrows with my own on the subject ; 
 that he actually gave an official character to his grief, by 
 desiring the Under Secretary to convey " his regrets " in a. 
 despatch ! his regrets — to me, Con Cregan ! What inesti- 
 mable words ! That ever I should live to know that the 
 Right Honourable Lord Puzzleton, the adored cherub of 
 fashion — the admired of coteries — the worshipped of "the 
 Commons" — the favoured guest of Windsor, should, under 
 the big seal of his office, assure me of his heartfelt sym- 
 pathy ! 
 
 I closed my eyes as I read the paragraph, and imagined 
 that we were weeping together, like the " Babes in the 
 Wood." " How they wrong this man," thought I, " in Eng- 
 land — what calumnies they circulate about his levity, his 
 heartlessness, and so forth : and see ! look at him here, 
 mingling in the private sorrows of an individual, and taking 
 part in all the private woes of Con Cregan." By this beau- 
 tiful artifice, I contrived to raise the aforesaid Con to a very 
 considerable elevation in his own esteem ; and thus, worthy 
 reader, by pleasant fancies and ingenious illusions — wares 
 that every man can fashion at will-— did I contrive to make
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 407 
 
 my prison at Malaga a most endurable resting-place ; and 
 even now to make its retrospect full of sweet memories. 
 
 Nor were my imaginings limited to such visions as these ; 
 for I loved to compare my condition with that of other 
 exalted prisoners, and fancy how my conduct w r ould read by 
 the side of theirs. If I were less piously resigned — less sub- 
 missive than Silvio Pellico — assuredly I showed more dignify 
 in my fall than the Exile of St. Helena. I bore all the little 
 vexations of my lot with a haughty reserve that entirely sub- 
 dued every sign of a querulous nature, and seemed to say, 
 " My time will come yet ! " 
 
 At last it appeared, either as if my memorials were never 
 opened, or if opened never read. No answer came whatever! 
 and even the Malaga newspapers, which, in the dearth of 
 shipping intelligence, would often insert some little notice of 
 me, stating how " the ' Conde ' walked yesterday for an hour 
 upon ' the leads ' " — " the ' Conde ' partook with an appetite 
 of a partridge, and conversed freely with the officer on duty/' 
 and so on, now they never by any chance alluded to me ; and 
 I seemed, for all the interest the world manifested about me, 
 to have suffered a species of moral disease. It was the un- 
 healthy season of the year, and the Consul had absented 
 himself, leaving his functions to his " Vice," who having also 
 a " constitution," had departed likewise, bequeathing the 
 traditions and cares of office to his Dutch colleague, who 
 neither spoke nor read any other tongue than that muddy 
 language begotten of dykes and fogs. Wearied possibly by 
 the daily arrival of half a quire of my remonstrances, or 
 curious to see the machine by which these broad sheets were 
 struck off with such unfailing celerity, this official arrived one 
 day at the prison with an order from the Governor, permitting 
 him to see the " Conde." 
 
 I was as usual writing away, when the turnkey announced 
 his Excellency (every official is Excellency if too low for 
 Highness), Mynheer van Hoagendrius, and a very short and 
 immensely fat personage, dressed in a kind of black-and-white 
 plaid jacket and trousers, entered. He looked like a huge 
 chess-board set on legs. A grunt, a snort, a thick sound like 
 a struggle between choking and gurgling ensued, which I 
 concluded to be something in Dutch, and he seated himself 
 opposite me. 
 
 I made my compliments to him, polyglot-wise, in French, 
 English, Spanish, and at last German, — the last evidently 
 striking a spark out of the embers of his cold intelligence, for 
 he fixed his dull eyes upon me, and seemed as though he would
 
 408 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 soon wake up. Animated by this hope, I proceeded in my very 
 best "Deutsch" to expound my sorrows to him. Fortunately 
 for me, my German had been acquired in the low companion- 
 ship of " skippers " and sailors, and consequently bore a 
 nearer resemblance to its half-brother of Holland than the 
 more cultivated tongues of professors and philosophers. 
 
 I cannot, to this hour, say whether it arose from any 
 interest in the narrative, or whether proceeding from the 
 laudable desire to come at the truth in a question of much 
 difficulty ; but the Mynheer now came to me each morning, 
 and usually stayed two hours, during which I talked' and he 
 smoked incessantly. Often, when he left me, have I asked 
 myself " what progress I had made in his good opinion ? how 
 far had I made him master of my case ? " but the question 
 remained without an answer ; for if occasionally a stray 
 flash of intelligence would light up his dull features, on fol- 
 lowing the direction of his eyes I could perceive that the 
 animation arose from the sight of some fishing-boat returning 
 loaded with turbot, or that the savoury odour of salt cod had 
 saluted him from the shore. I felt at length as though I were 
 sailing without a log-line. Nothing to mark my progress or 
 say in what latitude I cruised. 
 
 My Dutch friend had now been visiting me for above six 
 weeks ; during which, if he had not supplied himself with 
 every detail of my calamity, he had at least smoked all the 
 choice tobacco which, as a favour from the governor, I was 
 permitted to land for my own use, and as yet he had given 
 no signs of life other than the act of fumigation aforesaid. I 
 was half angry, half amused, at the little act of dexterity 
 with which he emptied the last remnant of my pure Havan- 
 nah into his pipe, and heard, with a kind of malicious satis- 
 faction, the little sigh with which he pushed the empty 
 canister from him. 
 
 He seemed lost for some time in the slough of his Dutch 
 reflections, but at length he fixed his eyes upon me, and in a 
 low, suffocating tone said, " Hast a file ? " 
 
 "No," said I. 
 
 " There then," said he, giving me a small parcel tightly 
 tied up in paper. " Farewell ! " and he moved towards the 
 door before I could recover from my surprise to thank him. 
 As he reached it, he turned about, and in a very significant 
 voice said, " Der bood est hardt" — a species of Plat-Deutsch 
 I might not have understood if unaccompanied by a gesture, 
 which implied that the ground was hard beneath my window, 
 as a caution to me in the event of a leap.
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 409 
 
 No sooner was I alone than I opened my precious packet, 
 which, besides two files, contained a small phial of aquafortis 
 and another of oil, — the latter a useful adjunct to prevent the 
 grating noise being heard. Having concealed the imple- 
 ments in a rat-hole, I proceeded to examine the iron bars of 
 the window, which, although seemingly of great size and 
 strength, were in reality coated with a rust of more than 
 half their actual thickness. This was a most inspiriting 
 discovery, and at once animated me with glowing hopes 
 of success. 
 
 As I could only work during the night, I affected illness as 
 a reason for keeping my bed during the day, when I slept 
 profoundly and refreshingly. 
 
 The non-success of all my efforts to interest diplomacy in 
 my cause, was just beginning to impress me with a sense of 
 gloom and despondency, when this new incident occurerd to 
 rally my drooping courage. Life had now an object, and 
 that, if not always enough for happiness, is sufficient at least 
 to rouse those energies, which, when stagnant, produce des- 
 pair. How I longed for night to come that I might resume 
 my labour ! with what resolute industry I worked on during 
 the dark hours, only ceasing when the change of the sentries 
 brought the guard close beneath my window, and even 
 grudging the few seconds thus wasted. With what delight 
 I used to measure the fissure which, at first only deep enough 
 for my nail, was now sufficient to cover the file ! This I used 
 to conceal each morning with bread coloured by the rusty 
 powder that fell from the filing, so that, to all seeming, every- 
 thing was in its usual order. 
 
 This was almost the only period of my life in which I re- 
 membered my father : from some similarity in our condition, 
 perhaps, he was now seldom out of my thoughts. I used to 
 wonder if he were still alive, and how situated ; whether he 
 was yet a convict going forth in chains to daily toil, or a 
 " ticket-of-leave " man, working at some settlement in the 
 " Bash." Did he ever think of me ? Did he ever dream of 
 his native land, or wish to return to it, and what prospect of 
 escape did fortune hold out to him ? That, after all, was 
 the great link which bound him to my thoughts ! was there 
 any silent and sympathizing Dutchman to take pity on his 
 captivity ? 
 
 At the close of the fifth week, I had the inestimable 
 pleasure of " reporting the breach practicable," or, in less 
 sounding phrase, of assuring myself that the middle bar of 
 the window was removable at will, and thus a free egress was
 
 410 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 permitted me to an extensive terrace, which, with a low para- 
 pet, overlooked the bay for miles. This was about five-and- 
 twenty feet from the ground, and was guarded beneath by a 
 sentry, one of a chain of sentinals, whose " watch" extended 
 around the entire fortress. The descent and the guard were 
 then the only difficulties which now remained to be overcome, 
 so far, at least, as mere liberation from the prison walls ex- 
 tended. I am sure I invented at least fifty choice stratagems, 
 which afterthought always showed were perfectly worthless. 
 I bethought me of bribing the sentry with the few gold pieces 
 which I still possessed ; but what security had I that he might 
 not resist the seduction, or betray me even after receiving the 
 money ? 
 
 The fall, too, was considerable ; nor was there anything to 
 which I could attach my bedclothes to lower myself to the 
 ground. It must be " a drop," and what a situation should 
 I" be in were I to break a bone, or even sprain my ankle in 
 the effort ? Alas ! I now perceived that although the most 
 laborious portion of my work was accomplished, the most 
 difficult still remained to be done. 
 
 The obstacles to mere escape were sufficiently great to 
 prevent me even thinking of the course to be pursued after 
 I reached the ground in safety, for I was without friend, 
 shelter, passport, or any means of disguise or concealment 
 whatever. 
 
 I pondered long and carefully over the question, and already 
 had two dreary weeks passed over since I had cut through the 
 bar, and yet, so far as I could see, no nearer to liberation than 
 when the solid iron enclosed me. My mind began to sink 
 under the fatigue of unceasing contrivance, and a dreamy, 
 dreary sense of hopelessness seemed gaining on me. It had 
 been a dark cloudy day, with gusts of wind, followed by 
 intervals of calm. The air was moist and heavy, and charged 
 with the depressing influences which the " mestrale," that 
 sickliest of all winds, ever brings. Masses of leaden-coloured 
 clouds floated low over the sea, which was broken into a short 
 angry "jobbe," as if after a storm. 
 
 All betokened the approach of a gale of wind, and, as night 
 set in, the signs of bad weather thickened. Scarcely had the 
 sun set, when it became dark as pitch ; the wind, which had 
 lulled for a brief space previous, now sprung up, and the sea 
 fretted and chafed against the rocks with that peculiar sharp 
 chirping sound that presages " wind." The clank of chain 
 cables — the plashing noise of falling anchors — the loud 
 shouts of the sailors as they prepared to meet the gathering
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 411 
 
 storm, even now heard — while, in the changing position of 
 the different lights of the bay, I could discern the movements 
 of the various vessels as they sought shelter or made ready 
 for sea, in expectation of the "gale." The impenetrable 
 darkness, the roaring wind, the flashing of the lights, the 
 cries of the seamen, the hurrying of feet along the quays, 
 and the sounds of different boats' crews departing in haste — 
 all gave a charm to a scene of which the obscurity increased 
 the interest. A large French steamer was to have sailed that 
 night for Marseilles, but I overheard a voice from the street 
 foretelling that the Gazonne might leave without her pas- 
 sengers, " as no one would go on board of her on such a 
 night." A red lantern at the peak indicated the vessel, and 
 I could see that she had changed her position and " taken up 
 a berth " farther out in the bay. 
 
 I cannot tell by what instinct I selected her as a peculiar 
 object of my interest, but so it was. I watched her unceas- 
 ingty, and rarely took my eyes from the quarter where she 
 lay, and when the heaving motion of the " red light " showed 
 that she was tossing in a heavy sea, I listened too with eager- 
 ness to catch anything from those that passed beneath that 
 might concern this vessel, which now engrossed all my 
 sympathy. " Were I once but on board of her," thought I, 
 " the wildest hurricane that ever blew would be sweeter to 
 me than all the balmy airs that ever bore the odour of orange 
 blossom through my barred window ! " I would have braved 
 the stormiest seas, the maddest gale, shipwreck itself, rather 
 than longer remain the helpless, hopeless thing, a life of im- 
 prisonment was making of me. " Would that the alternative 
 were given me," said I to myself; " the free choice to change 
 these four walls for the deck over which the waves are 
 dancing in foamy sheets ! with what a thankful heart would 
 I take the offer." 
 
 The last visit of the turnkey, who came to see all safe, 
 broke in for a moment upon these musings; and now the 
 double-locked door, and his retiring footsteps, told me that 
 no further molestation was to be feared ; and that I was, at 
 least till daybreak, the undisturbed master of my own 
 reveries. I opened the window, pushed back the iron stan- 
 cheon, and walked out upon the terrace. It was a night of 
 storm and wild hurricane. The rain swept by in great 
 plashes, increasing the darkness, and mingling its hissing 
 noise with the breaking crash of the sea, as it beat furiously 
 against the rocks. The dancing, bobbing motion of the lights 
 on board the different craft, showed what " a sea " was raging
 
 412 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 in the bay : while, even in the city itself, the clatter of falling 
 tiles and chimneys, told the violence of the gale. I stood 
 upon the terrace ; and as the rain penetrated my frail gar- 
 ment, and the wind wafted my wet hair across my cheeks, I 
 felt a sense of ecstasy that nothing in all my previous life 
 had ever equalled. It was the sensation of freedom ; it was 
 the burst of delight with which the captive welcomes the 
 long-lost liberty. " Better this," thought I, " than the snug- 
 gest chamber that ever called itself a prison." 
 
 It was past the hour when any further visit from the turn- 
 key might be expected. Already the outer door of my 
 chamber had been locked and barred with all that scrupulous 
 attention to noise and clank that are supposed only essential 
 in a melodrama. The sentry had just been relieved on the 
 esplanade beneath the terrace, so that I might consider my- 
 self disencumbered from all fear of interruption in any 
 quarter. I sat down upon the parapet, and peered into the 
 ■dark depth below me, where the hazy glimmer of the sentry's 
 lamp served to mark the height. At first it seemed a terrific 
 drop ; but after a while I began to satisfy myself that the 
 darkness contributed to this effect : and as my sight grew 
 more accustomed to the gloom, I was able to trace different 
 objects ; among others, the conical roof of the sentry-box, at 
 .a distance of scarcely more than fifteen feet beneath me. 
 
 Thus far I could reach by making a rope of my bed-clothes, 
 and attach one end to a portion of the battlement of the 
 parapet ; but how should I venture on a descent in such a 
 place ? how risk the almost certainty of recapture by the 
 sentry himself? This was a formidable difficulty, and de- 
 manded much consideration ; and yet were I to select any 
 other spot, I might chance to be disabled by the fall, and then 
 all my efforts were fruitless, since a broken bone, or even a 
 sprained ankle, would be certain ruin. 
 
 Never was a knotty point more canvassed, nor the clue 
 to a difficulty more zealously searched for ! As generally 
 happens in such cases, first thoughts are best, and the bold 
 course the safest. By descending on the sentry-box, I should 
 at least reach the ground without injury ; and if I were to 
 have a "tussle " for it with the guard, it would be without 
 the disadvantage of a previous damage. Besides this, the 
 incessant noise of the tempest, the crashing of the sea, and 
 the deep booming of the thunder, gave hopes that my descent 
 might be unheard. Nay, more — the sound of my heavy body 
 over his head, would be rather an admonition to stay quietly 
 within than risk himself outside, to the danger of tumbling
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 413 
 
 tiles, or masses of masonry from the parapet. The more I 
 reflected upon this, the clearer I saw that the storm was a 
 heaven-sent accident for me ; that the darkness, the tumult, 
 and the deserted streets, were all accessories the most favour- 
 able ; that to neglect such an occasion of escape would be 
 downright madness. If I took some time to arrive at this 
 conclusion, I made up for the delay by the rapidity of my 
 subsequent movements. I hastily returned to my room ; and 
 had I been bred a iVjemaker my two sheets and counterpane 
 could not have been fashioned into a three-stranded rope 
 more handily ; and my sailor's experience favouring, I adjusted 
 the cord in a "timber hith " round one of the battlements, 
 and well satisfied myself that I might trust to the other ex- 
 tremity — " Con Cregan and his fortunes." 
 
 I then took a hurried survey of my room, — trimmed my 
 lamp that it might burn till morning, secured the three or 
 four papers of value which still remained to me, and then 
 issued forth to my enterprise. 
 
 A cannon-shot from the bay rung out as I again stepped 
 upon the terrace, and I accepted the augury as an omen of 
 welcome. I will not deny that my hands trembled as I 
 examined, for the last time, the fastening of the cord; nor do 
 I seek to conceal, that as I buttoned my coat, the beating of 
 my heart smote heavily against my fingers. I even hesitated 
 for an instant, — and during that instant, brief as it was, I 
 could have faced death itself rather than the uncertainty 
 before me. The weakness passed quickly away, and with a 
 short but fervent prayer, I grasped the rope and slipped 
 noiselessly over the parapet. 
 
 A sudden gust of wind swept past at the moment, and 
 swung me out from the wall, as though I had been a thing- 
 of no weight ; calling for all my strength to prevent me from 
 being blown away ! and now, I was buffeted about — tossed 
 here and thrown there, with a violence that almost dislocated 
 every joint in my body. The jerking motion, and the chafing 
 of my rope on the parapet, made me tremble for my security, 
 and not without cause ; for in one great swing, in which I 
 described an arc no other pendulum, living or dead, ever 
 compassed before, I came back with such force against the 
 roof of the sentry-box, striking it with both my feet together 
 at the same instant, that my cord snapped short in the very 
 centre. 
 
 The force of my fall, added to the previous blow, capsized 
 the sentry-box, and I came to the ground along with it, in a 
 state of fright, that even to this very hour I cannot recall
 
 414 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 without shuddering. Half-stunned by the fall — braised and 
 almost lifeless from terror, I sat there waiting for the moment 
 when the sentry would issue forth and seize me ; nor was it 
 till after the lapse of several minutes that I perceived that 
 the soldier was in a trap, the weighty sentry-box had fallen 
 over on the front, and effectually debarred him from any 
 chance of self-extrication. 
 
 I stooped over to listen, but all was still ; he never spoke 
 a word — probably stunned by the shock, or he might have 
 fainted from terror. Whatever the cause, neither my humanity 
 nor my curiosity cared to explore further ; but rising to my 
 feet, and ascertaining to my inexpressible delight that I was 
 uninjured, I set off at full speed toward the shore. The sea 
 suggested escape, and thither I bent my way without thinking 
 more on the matter. 
 
 I could see from the hurried movement of lights along the 
 pier, that boats were rapidly leaving for the various ships in 
 the harbour. To get on board any of these, no matter what, 
 or whither bound, was all my object, — a Tunis pirate, or a 
 Malay prow, would have been a happy exchange for the 
 black prison at Malaga. 
 
 I had almost run myself out of breath, when I came up 
 with a knot of some dozen people who were hastening onward 
 as fast as they could. Two heavily laden barrows with lug- 
 gage, and a multitude of cloaks, shawls, and mantles, pro- 
 nounced them to be travellers ; and I soon collected from the 
 expressions dropped by the boatmen, that they were about to 
 embark in the French steamer for Leghorn. Mingling with 
 the group, which the darkness freely permitted, I heard a 
 voice say in English, something about the weather ; and now 
 listening more attentively, I picked up that they were an 
 English family hurrying to Pisa, to see a son, whose failing 
 health gave them no time for delay. I gathered, too, that 
 the packet, which should not have started till the next day, 
 was now leaving suddenly : the captain having sent a mes- 
 sage to say that he had determined to put to sea rather than 
 ride out the gale so near shore. 
 
 The travellers were mingling their complaints at this 
 peremptory summons, with others over the absence of their 
 courier, who had got leave to see some of his friends about a 
 league away, and mu^t now inevitably be left behind. In 
 the course of their lamentings, I could learn that they had 
 only engaged the man the evening before at the recom- 
 mendation of the landlord, and had scarcely seen him above 
 a couple of times.
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 415 
 
 In fact, except that lie was an Italian, and his name Raf- 
 faello, they knew nothing about him. At last they reached 
 the jetty where the boat lay, and now I could hear their dis- 
 cussion, whether it were better to leave the courier's effects 
 behind or take them on, in the hope that he might yet come 
 up. 
 
 "He's a smart fellow, and depend upon it he'll be here 
 before we sail," said a young man, of the party. 
 
 "No, no," cried another, "he'll never hear a word of the 
 packet till she's halfway to Leghorn." 
 
 " What did you tell him, William ? " asked an elderly lady. 
 
 " To be back by six o'clock to-morrow morning," said the 
 first speaker. 
 
 " Ay, but in what language did you speak ? " 
 
 " I spoke Italian, and afterwards I said it in French, for 
 he doesn't know one word of English." 
 
 This was all I wanted ; I slipped noiselessly away, and 
 retiring to some distance behind the party, waited till I saw 
 them descend the stairs to the boat. This occupied some 
 time, for the party were numerous, and their trunks and port- 
 manteaus were without end. At last, just as the word to 
 shove off was given, I dashed forward at the top of my speed 
 crying out in Spanish, " Hold fast there ! wait for the 
 courier.'* 
 
 " What's the matter ? " asked one of the Englishmen. 
 
 " A courier, Seiihor," said a sailor, " wants to come with 
 us." 
 
 "Oh, Raffaello, by George!" exclaimed the other; "I 
 knew he'd be up : put back, men, he belongs to us." 
 
 " Pardon, signori," said I, stepping lightly over the gun- 
 wale, " I have had a sharp run for it ; " and away we went ! 
 Seated on a great coat of black sheepskin, which from its 
 style and cut I knew must have belonged to my predecessor, 
 Raffaello, I could see the rapid passage of lights on the shore 
 in the direction of my late prison, and at last could detect 
 one glimmering from a part of the building where my cell 
 stood. The roll of drums beating to arms was soon heard, 
 and it was evident to me that my escape had become known, 
 — that the garrison of the fortress was on the alert to recapture 
 me. Although fully a mile from land, and rowing with all 
 the vigour of twelve stout sailors towards a vessel whose 
 steam was already whizzing through the escape funnel, my 
 heart almost sunk within me from very fear; and rather than 
 be retaken, I would have jumped into the boiling tide that 
 swelled and broke around me.
 
 416 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 The sailors more than once relaxed their efforts to watch 
 •what was going forward on shore ; and how fervently did I, 
 in silence, curse their curiosity. Externally, however, I 
 maintained my calm demeanour, and even ventured to con- 
 jecture that a fire must have broken out in the fortress, such, 
 was the commotion and excitement discernible in that 
 quarter. 
 
 Another suggested the. possibility of its being some 
 prisoner that had made his escape, — a notion which. I took 
 occasion to ridicule, by averring that the Carcel was reputed 
 to be the strongest prison in Spain, and an instance of evasion 
 altogether unknown. 
 
 Thus chatting we reached the steamer. To my intense 
 delight the anchor was already weighed ; and scarcely had 
 we mounted the ladder, than she broached round, head to sea, 
 and clove through the water like a fish. 
 
 Every plunge of the great ship shook the strong timbers, 
 and made her huge framework tremble, sending a thrill of 
 pleasure through me. With each mountain wave that rolled 
 past, I saw my chance of safety increase, and knew that no- 
 boat — manned by Spaniards at least, would dare pursuit in 
 such a storm. I had abundant leisure for these reflections, 
 since my " masters " had only time to get on board when they 
 retired to their berths overcome by sea-sickness, so that I was 
 at full liberty to indulge my own thoughts, and dispose of 
 myself without the slightest interruption. From a smart 
 little French maid I learned that the family was called 
 Grimes, — that they had recently come from England, by way 
 of Gibraltar, where one of the sons, now with them, was 
 quartered with his regiment. That the party consisted of a 
 widow lady with three daughters and two sons, — a third 
 being the invalid at Pisa. They were rich, good sort of folks, 
 very ignorant of the Continent, very credulous, and altogether 
 a satisfactory kind of connection for a cunning French femme- 
 de-chambre, and a roguish courier to fall in with. This latter 
 fact Mademoiselle Virginie insisted upon, with no small degree 
 of self-gratulation, giving me to understand that we might 
 have a very thriving career as fellow-labourers in the same 
 vineyard. 
 
 Her sketches of English life, manners, and prejudices 
 were not a little amusing ; while the rules she laid down for 
 the due management and control of her masters, were a per- 
 fect chapter in domestic machiavelism. There had once been 
 a time when I would have enlisted willingly under sin h a 
 banner — glad to reach the upper story of life, even by such a
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 417 
 
 back stair ; but now that I bad tasted tbe glorious supremacy 
 of command myself, — that I had revelled in the mastery of 
 a great household, — that I had rolled along in my own 
 chariot, clothed in fine linen and faring sumptuously every 
 day, I felt my return to a menial situation a degradation 
 unendurable. I determined that once in Italy, I would 
 escape from tbe thraldom of sucb servitude, come wbat might 
 of it. 
 
 By long dwelling on tbe tbeme, I bad contrived to impress 
 myself witb the most profound conviction tbat I was a much 
 injured individual — tbat my case, if not sufficient for a war 
 with Spain, was a fair ground for a parliamentary " flare-up," 
 angry diplomatic notes, and Heaven knows wbat threats of 
 our outraged Foreign Office. Tbat a man witb sucb a glorious 
 grievance should sink down into a courier — to wrangle with 
 landlords, bully waiters, and flirt with the " maid in the 
 rumble," was not to be thought of. I felt that I was sworn 
 at Highgate, and destined for the inside of the travelling- 
 carriage, and not the " out." 
 
 Scarcely were we arrived at Leghorn, and installed at tbe 
 San Marco, than I began to prepare for my emancipation ; — 
 a bold step, considering that all the available resources I 
 possessed was a ruby ring set round witb brilliants, which I 
 had concealed in my cap along with my papers. I was ad- 
 monished to lose no time in my departure, by remarking tbat 
 another packet from Malaga was expected within a week, 
 which probably would convey the rightful courier in search 
 of his missing baggage, and I was by no means desirous of 
 being confronted witb the real Simon Pure. 
 
 I am not sure that this latter consideration did not weigh 
 most with me in tbe matter — since the novelty of my situa- 
 tion and the sense of its creature- comforts might have induced 
 me to linger a little longer in a capacity even as humble. 
 With such people as the Grimes's the courier was supreme, 
 and bis rule despotic. From tbe hour at which they were 
 to dine, to what they were to eat — bow they were to spend 
 the day — what to see, and what to avoid, were all at his 
 dictation ; while from the landlord came a perfect volley of 
 civilities that plainly showed who was the real personage to 
 whom adulation was due. If my masters dined on a chicken, 
 I fed upon ortolans ; while they made wry faces over their 
 "Chiante," /luxuriated on Chateau La Rose or Chambertin. 
 For my table were reserved tbe oysters of Venice, the fresh 
 " sardines " of Gorgona — the delicate mutton of Pistoja — the 
 delicious Becafica of the Yal d'Arno, while Piscia was ran- 
 
 E E
 
 413 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 sacked for my dessert, till I saw myself surrounded with 
 rarities, that even in my great days I scarcely dreamed of. 
 
 There was a kind of " abandon " too in this mode of life 
 that pleased me well, — a delightful sense of irresponsibility 
 pervaded everything I did, or imagined. 
 
 The courier knows nothing of that hesitation which besets 
 his master at the thought of some costly indulgence. He 
 neither doubts nor denies himself. The Emperor of Russia 
 may have bespoke the post-horses, but he knows how to bribe 
 even against the Czar himself, and would intrigue for the fish 
 intended for a cardinal's Friday dinner. He is perhaps the 
 only traveller who is indifferent to the bill : nay, he even 
 glories in its extravagance, as increasing his own per centage. 
 I was beginning to see and appreciate all these advantages 
 when caution admonished me to escape. The real Raffaello 
 was doubtless already at sea, and might arrive ere I had 
 evacuated the territory. 
 
 I only waited then to see " my family " snugly housed at 
 Pisa, when I proceeded to tender my resignation. It was 
 very flattering to my vanity to see the distress my announce- 
 ment created. They evidently felt like a crew about to be 
 deserted by the pilot in a difficult navigation. They were 
 but indifferent linguists, and worse travellers ; and I almost 
 repented of my resolve as I perceived the dismay it occa- 
 sioned, — the full measure of which I was admitted to witness, 
 since — from my supposed ignorance of English — they dis- 
 cussed the question very freely in my presence. 
 
 " Does he say he's dissatisfied with his situation ?" asked 
 the old lady. 
 
 "It is difficult to make out what he means, mamma," 
 re]}lied a daughter. 
 
 " These fellows are always intriguing for higher wages," 
 observed the subaltern. 
 
 ''• Or to engage with people of greater consequence," 
 remarked the second son. 
 
 " We had better send for the tutor, mamma ; he speaks 
 French better than we do." 
 
 This proposition — albeit not accepted as a compliment to 
 themselves by the two brothers — was at last acceded to, and, 
 after a brief delay, the individual in question made his 
 appearance. To avoid any semblance of understanding what 
 went forward, I stood in patient silence, not even turning my 
 head in the direction where the family were now grouped 
 around the " Dragoman." 
 
 " You are to find out what he wants," said the old lady,
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 419 
 
 eagerly. " Say that we are perfectly satisfied with him; and 
 if it be an increase " 
 
 "That he'll not get a sous more with my consent," broke 
 in the sub. " He receives already more than a captain in the 
 line." 
 
 " I only know that I never had as much to spend at Cam- 
 bridge," echoed the other. 
 
 " They are always extravagantly paid," said the elder 
 daughter. 
 
 " The creatures give themselves such airs," observed num- 
 ber two. 
 
 " And when they are at all well-looking they're intoler- 
 able," broke in number three, who had been coolly scanning 
 me through her eye-glass. 
 
 The tutor by this time had evidently received his instruc- 
 tions in full, and beckoned me to follow him into a small 
 room adjoining the saloon. I obeyed ; and scarcely had the 
 door closed upon us than I started, and broke out into an 
 involuntary exclamation of surprise. The individual before 
 me was no other than my first friend — the kind youth who 
 had taken me by the hand at the very outset of my career — 
 the student of Trinity, Dublin, named Lyndsay. 
 
 As I perceived that he did not recognize me, I had time 
 enough to observe him well, and mark the change which more 
 than twelve years had wrought upon him. Though still 
 young, anxiety and mental exertion had worn him into pre- 
 mature age. His eye was dulled, his cheeks pale and sunken, 
 and in his manner there was that timid hesitation that stood 
 abashed in the presence of my own cool effrontery. I could 
 see easily that the man of thought and reflection was suc- 
 cumbing before the man of action and of the world, and I 
 was selfish enough to revel in the triumph. 
 
 In a low diffident voice he proceeded to ask me if there 
 was anything in the nature of my situation that induced me 
 to quit a service where I had given the fullest satisfaction. 
 
 I replied b}* an easy caress of my long black moustache, 
 and a certain expressive gesture of the shoulders, meant to 
 convey that my objections were of a nature that did not 
 admit exactly of discussion — rather questions of delicate per- 
 sonal feeling than of actual difficulty. Hinted that I had 
 rarely served anything less than a royal highness, and feared 
 that I should be likely to injure myself — of degenerating into 
 an easy and familiar manner, by associating with those so 
 nearly of my own level. 
 
 I saw the blood mantle in the pale cheek of the student as 
 
 E E 2
 
 420 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 he listened to this impertinence, and thought that I could 
 mark the struggle that was passing within him, while, in a 
 calm collected tone he said " that those were questions on 
 which he could not give any opinion ; and that, if I desired 
 to leave, of course no further objections would be offered. 
 Might I ask," added he, with a manner where a most cour- 
 teous politeness prevailed, — "might I ask what are the 
 qualifications of a person in your condition of life ? " 
 
 " I think," replied I, " that I appreciate the meaning ot 
 your question. You would ask by what right a man humbly 
 born, educated to mere menial duties, can aspire to the posi- 
 tion and the pay a courier claims. I am willing to tell you. 
 To begin then : — He must be familiar with the geography ot 
 Europe — I speak here of the merely Continental courier — he 
 must know the boundaries, the high roads, the coinage, the 
 customs, the privileges of every petty state, from the smallest 
 principality of Germany to the greatest sovereignty of a czar. 
 He must know the languages, not as scholars and gram- 
 marians know them, but in all their dialects and 'patois.' 
 It is not enough that he has learned the tongue in which 
 Dante wrote, or Metastasio sung; he must speak Venetian 
 and Milanese, Neapolitan and Piedmontese. He should know 
 the low German of the Black Forest, the Wiener dialect of 
 the Austrian, and talk every gradation of French, from the 
 frontiers of Flanders to the vine-groves of Provence and 
 Auvergne. He must be as familiar with every city of Europe 
 as though it were his birthplace ; with the churches, the 
 galleries, their monuments, and their history. He must 
 know the delicacies of each land, and every rarity it can pro- 
 duce for the palate of the epicure. He must be a connoisseur 
 in wine, pictures, china, cuisine, statuary, engravings, armour, 
 ancient furniture, manuscripts, horseflesh, the drama, and 
 Bohemian glass ; able to pack a trunk, or expatiate upon a 
 Titian; to illustrate a fresco, to cheat a custom-house, to 
 bully a prefect, make an omelette, ride postilion. These, 
 with a running knowledge of international law, and the Code 
 Napoleon, and some skill in all the minor operations of 
 surgery — these are a brief summary of a courier's quali- 
 fications." 
 
 " And do you tell me, friend,'' said he earnestly, " that you 
 can do all this ? " 
 
 " Indifferent well," said I, carelessly. " There are, doubt- 
 less, others who have gained a higher proficiency in the 
 craft ; but as I am still young, I'll not despair of future emi- 
 nence."
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF DIPLOMACY. 421 
 
 He heaved a deep sigh, and leaned his head upon his 
 hand. 
 
 I fancied I conld read what was passing in his mind, and 
 at a haphazard, said, " You are contrasting the catalogue with 
 that of your own requirements, and perhaps asking yourself 
 to what end all the midnight toil of scholarship ? why have 
 I laboured hard with aching brow and fevered heart, when 
 one with vulgar attainments like these — the scattered frag- 
 ments — the crumbs that fall from the table of real knowledge, 
 can secure a better livelihood and more real independence 
 than myself; and the reason is, mine are marketable wares 
 that find purchasers in every class, and among every gradation 
 of society. 'My lord 'must have his courier; so must the 
 rich cotton-spinner or the barrister on his wedding-tour. 
 The wealthy dowager, the blooming widow, the ex-minist. r 
 travelling for ' distraction,' the young heir journeying for 
 dissipation. The prelate, the banker, the ruined duke, the 
 newly-enriched mill-owner — all, however differing in other 
 points, agree in this one want, and must have one who will 
 think for them and speak for them, bargain and bully for 
 them, assert their rank and importance wherever they appear ; 
 so that of the obstacles of travel, its difficulties and con- 
 trarieties, they should know as little as though their road lay 
 between London and Croydon. 5 ' 
 
 " Still it is a puzzle to me," sighed the young man, "how 
 these people achieve the attainments you speak of. Even a 
 smattering of such knowledge would seem to require both 
 time and study." 
 
 " They have but a smattering," said I ; " yet it is gained 
 exactly in the very school where such small proficiency goes 
 farthest — ' the world ' — and which you will one day discover 
 has its sources of knowledge, its tests of ability, ay, and its 
 degrees of honour, marked out as palpably as Oxford and 
 Cambridge. There is this advantage, too, sir, over the uni- 
 versity — the track in which you are to travel is marked out 
 for you — you must not stray to the right or to the left ; while 
 in 'the world' the field of direction is wide, open, and 
 expanded ; there's a path for every one, if they'll only look 
 for it." 
 
 He started as I said these words ; and as his cheeks 
 flushed up, he said, " I remember once upon a time hearing 
 those very words from a poor friendless boy in my own 
 country. He w r as setting out, as he said, to seek his fortune, 
 and his whole stock in life was the hope inspired by that 
 sentiment."
 
 422 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " And what became of him ? " 
 
 " I never could learn, — he disappeared suddenly, — and 
 whether he enlisted into some regiment abroad, or died at 
 home, I never ascertained." 
 
 " Then I can tell you, sir, — he now stands before you, the 
 same whom once you so kindly succoured ! the houseless, 
 friendless child, whom you protected and sheltered — I am Con 
 Cregan." 
 
 It would be difficult to describe the bewilderment of poor 
 Lyndsay, as I said this ; he sat down, closed his eyes, opened 
 them again, rubbed them, stared at me, tried to speak, and at 
 last, rising up, grasped my hand warmly, and cried, " Then 
 of course you remember my name ? " 
 
 " I could never forget it, Mr. Lyndsay," said I, affection- 
 ately. 
 
 This was enough, and he now shook me by both hands with 
 all the warmth of old friendship. 
 
 As he was madly eager to learn the story of my life, and 
 as I was bent on my departure by the morning mail for 
 Genoa, we agreed to meet at an hour when the household had 
 retired to bed; meanwhile he was to charge himself with 
 the office of making an explanation to the famity, and 
 informing them that matters of urgency required my 
 presence at Paris without delay. This agreed upon, we 
 separated. 
 
 The entire night we passed in talking, for he insisted upon 
 hearing my adventures from the very hour we had parted 
 company in Dublin, down to the moment we were then seated 
 together. It was evident, at times, from the tone of ques- 
 tioning, that he accepted several of my statements at least as 
 doubtful, but gradually, as he discovered my acquaintance 
 with various languages, the knowledge I possessed of different 
 remote countries, their habits and natural productions, this 
 incredulity gave way, and when finally I produced the letters 
 of theHavannah banker, with the receipts for my instalments, 
 he showed that every shade of hesitation had vanished, and 
 that he no longer entertained a doubt of my veracity. 
 
 As the hour of separating drew nigh, he turned the sub- 
 ject to my own immediate requirements, and although I 
 assured him that my ring, which I had already disposed of, 
 was sufficient for all immediate wants, he insisted upon my 
 accepting a loan of one hundred dollars, to be repaid, as he 
 himself said, " when I resumed my countship." These were 
 his parting words as I ascended to the roof of the dili- 
 gence.
 
 423 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 "a new walk in progressive life." 
 
 T will not trespass on my reader's patience with the details 
 of my journey, nor ask him to form acquaintance with any of 
 those pleasant travelling companions whose whims, caprices, 
 and merry fancies lightened the road. The company of a 
 diligence is a little world in all its features of selfishness, 
 apathy, trustfulness, credulity, and unbelief. It has its mock 
 humilities and absurd pretensions even more glaringly dis- 
 played than every-day life exhibits them. Enough, then, if 
 I say ours were fair specimens of the class, and when, on 
 arriving at the Messageries Royales, the heavy " conveniency " 
 deposited us in the court, we shook hands all round ere 
 separating, like people who were well pleased when together, 
 but yet not broken-hearted at the thought of parting. 
 
 And now I found myself at Paris, that glorious capital 
 whose very air is the champagne of atmospheres, and where, 
 amid the brilliant objects so lavishly thrown on every side, 
 oven the poor man forgets his poverty, and actually thinks he 
 has some share in the gorgeous scene around him. I heaved 
 one heavy sigh, from the very bottom of my heart, as I 
 thought what might have been the condition in which I could 
 once have rolled along these same streets, and with this brief 
 tribute to the past I trudged along towards the embassy. All 
 my hope lay in the prospect of an interference on the part of 
 the English Government, and the demand of an indemnifica- 
 tion for my loss. 
 
 After some little delay, and a slight catechizing on the part 
 of a bulky porter in scarlet livery, I was admitted to a room 
 where a number of people, chiefly couriers and ft Laquais de 
 Place," were assembled, to obtain signatures or passports, 
 and who were summoned from time to time to enter an 
 inner chamber where the official sat. My turn came at 
 length, and with a heart almost swelling to suffocation, I 
 entered. 
 
 "For England, I suppose," said a pale young gentleman, 
 with black moustaches, not looking up from the table, where 
 he sat reading his Galic/nani.
 
 424 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " No, sir, mine is not a passport case. I am here to make- 
 a charge against the Spanish Government for false imprison- 
 ment and spoliation." 
 
 The young gentleman raised his head, and stared at me 
 fixedly for a couple of seconds, and then, in the most silvery 
 of accents said, " Be good enough to repeat what you have 
 said." 
 
 I did so ; adding, " as my case has occupied the attention 
 of the Foreign Office for some time back, you may possibly 
 have heard of my name— Count Cregan." 
 
 The youth sprang up from his chair, and hastened into 
 another room, whence I could hear loud shouts of laughter 
 immediately proceeding. 
 
 " No, no, Barrington," said a deeper and an older voice. 
 " I don't want to see the fellow, and I advise you to get rid 
 of him at once. He'll be a bore to us every day of the week, 
 if you give him the slightest encouragement." 
 
 " But is there really nothing in his case ? " 
 
 " Nothing whatever ; he is a downright impostor/' 
 
 " But Puzzleton certainly corresponded with him." 
 
 " Of course he did, to prevent the opposition making a 
 handle of his case in ' the House ;' but he soon saw the 
 whole thing was a trumped-up charge ; and as we want to 
 go on smoothly with the Madrid Government, it would be 
 absurd to disturb our relations for the sake of a fellow like 
 this." 
 
 " Oh, that's it," said the attache, catching a faint glimmer- 
 ing of the secret machinery of diplomacy. 
 
 " To be sure," added the other ; " if we wanted a griev- 
 ance, that man's would do as well as another ; but there is 
 no need to hold him over, we can always catch the Spaniards 
 tripping when we want it. My advice is, therefore, get rid 
 of him. Say that he must embody his statement in the form 
 of a memorial, supported by whatever he can adduce in the 
 way of evidence ; that a personal interview can lead to 
 nothing ; and, in fact, dismiss him in the usual way." 
 
 And with these lucid instructions — given in a tone far too 
 loud to be diplomatic — the attache returned to the room where 
 I waited. 
 
 "You'll have to reduce this to writing, Count Cregan," 
 said he, standing with his back to the fire, and assuming an 
 air that he fancied was quite that of a Talleyrand, " some- 
 thing in the form of a memorial, you understand." 
 
 " I have already done so, unsuccessfully," said I, 
 shortly.
 
 425 
 
 " Ah ! — wasn't aware," sighed the young gentleman, strok- 
 ing his moustache. 
 
 " The Secretary of Foreign Affairs acknowledged the 
 receipt of my statement, and at one time held out some hope 
 of redress." 
 
 "Ah, indeed ! " echoed the other. 
 
 " The state of our relations with Spain, however," added 
 I, "not requiring a grievance just then, my case was 
 naturally shelved." 
 
 He started, bit his lip, and evinced unmistakable signs of 
 being ill at ease. " In fact," resumed I, growing warmer as 
 I proceeded, " no further notice was taken of me than what 
 barely sufficed to take my case out of the hands of Opposition 
 members. I was assumed to be an impostor, because the 
 moment was not favourable to believe me honest. Good 
 diplomacy, perhaps, but rather lax morality. Now, sir,. 
 I have lost my cause — that is quite evident : let us see if yow 
 have gained yours. The press is the great vindicator of indi- 
 vidual wrongs, and I'll make its columns the arena in which 
 this struggle shall be decided." 
 
 "Be good enough to wait one instant, — take a seat, 
 Count," observed the young gentleman, in his very politest 
 of tones, while he hastily retired into the inner room once 
 more. This time the conversation was so low, that not a 
 whisper reached me. After a few seconds he re-entered. 
 
 "Your case will be inquired into, Count, and representa- 
 tion made to the Spanish minister at this court. May I ask 
 where you are staying here ? " 
 
 " I have not yet taken up my residence at Paris." 
 
 " Your passport is of course with the police ? " 
 
 I bowed an assent, while a sudden thought flashed across 
 me. " They mean to send me out of the country ! " The- 
 attache had twice said " Good morning," ere I remarked it, 
 and with a hurried leave-taking I quitted the room, well 
 aware of the folly into which a momentary fit of passion had 
 betrayed me. 
 
 It was palpable enough — my passport would at once offer 
 a ground for my expulsion — I was an English subject, travel- 
 ling on a Spanish passport. I must of course expect to be 
 disowned by the Spanish minister, and not acknowledged by 
 my own. 
 
 This was a sorry beginning, and I sauntered out into the- 
 streets in a very depressed state of mind. What was I to- 
 do ? my funds were at a low ebb, — I had not above four 
 hundred francs in the world. Into what career could 1 throw
 
 426 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 myself, and while obtaining a livelihood avoid discovery. I 
 knew various things, in that smattering sort of way which, 
 by the aid of puffing and notoriety, often succeed with the 
 world ; but yet notoriety was the very thing I most dreaded ! 
 There was nothing for it — but to change my name. Many 
 would doubtless say, that this was not any great sacrifice, 
 — need not have cost me any very poignant sufferings ; but 
 they would be wrong. I had clung to my name through all 
 the changes and vicissitudes of my fortune, as though it em- 
 bodied my very identity. It was to make that humble 
 name a great one, that I had toiled and struggled through 
 my whole life. In that obscure name lay the whole impulse 
 of my darings. Take that from me, and you took away 
 the energy that sustained me, and I sunk down into the 
 mere adventurer, living on from day to day, and hour to hour, 
 without purpose or ambition. I had borne my name in the 
 very lowest passages of my fortune, hoping, one day or 
 other, to contrast these dark periods with the brilliant hours 
 of my destiny. And now I must abandon it ! " Well, be it 
 so," thought I, " and by way of compromise, I'll keep half of 
 it, and call myself Monsieur Corneille ; and as to nationality, 
 there need be little difficulty. Whenever a man talks in- 
 different Spanish, he says he is from the Basque. If he 
 speaks bad German, he calls himself an Austrian ; so, I, if 
 there be any irregularities in my regular verbs, will coolly 
 assert that I am a brave Beige, and a subject of King 
 Leopold ; and if humility be a virtue, this choice of a native 
 land ought to do me credit." 
 
 I raised my head from my musings at this moment, and 
 found myself at the corner of the Rue Goguenarde, exactly 
 opposite a house covered with placards and announcements 
 from the street to the third story. A great board with gilt 
 letters over the entrance, proclaiming it the " Bureau des 
 Affiches " for all nations. Nor was the universality a mere 
 pretence, as a single glance could show the range of advertise- 
 ments, taking in everything, from an estate in Guadaloupe, to 
 a neat chamber in the Marais ; from a foundry at Lyons to 
 the sweeping of a passage in the Rue Rivoli. All the nos- 
 trums of medicine, — all the cheap appliances of the toilet, 
 remedies against corpulence, preventives to extreme emacia- 
 tion, how to grow hair, how to get rid of it, governesses, 
 ballet-dancers, even ladies " with suitable portions and great 
 personal attractions," were all at the command of him rich 
 ■enough to indulge his indolence. " There must surely be 
 something applicable to me in all those varied wants," thought
 
 " A NEW WALK IN PKOGREBSIVE LIFE." 427 
 
 I ; and I entered a great room where several knots of men 
 and women, of different ranks and conditions, were gathered 
 around large tablets of advertisements. 
 
 Some were in search of lost articles of dress, or jewellery, 
 a run-away child, or a missing spaniel ; some inquiring for 
 cheap apartments, or economical modes of travel with others 
 going the same road ; but the greater number were in pur- 
 suit of some means of livelihood, — and what a host they were ! 
 Professors of every art, science, and language ; journalists, 
 poets, tenors, gardeners, governesses, missionaries, rope-dancers, 
 frail little damsels who performed as goddesses in a panto- 
 mime, and powerful fellows who performed the "life-models" 
 of academies, together with a number of well-dressed gentle- 
 men of a certain age, who announced themselves as " discreet 
 friends to any party engaged in a delicate and difficult trans- 
 action." 
 
 My heart sunk within me as I saw the mass of capability 
 by which I was surrounded. " What could the world want 
 with me," thought I, "in such a glut of acquirements as I 
 see here ? " And I was about to turn away when my atten- 
 tion was drawn to a very little elderly man, who was most 
 importunately entreating one of the clerks to do him some 
 service or other. The old man's eagerness was actually pain- 
 ful to witness. " I w 1! sell it for a mere nothing," said he, 
 41 although it cost me five hundred francs ! " 
 
 " You'll be fortunate if you get one hundred for it," said 
 the clerk. 
 
 "I would accept of even one hundred, nay! I'd take 
 eighty," sighed the old man. 
 
 " So you ought," said the other. " These things are all at 
 a discount now ; men like more active and energetic situa- 
 tions. Retirement is not the taste of our day." 
 
 " Retirement," thought 1, " that may be exactly what 
 would suit me at this moment," and I drew near to listen. 
 
 " Find me a purchaser with seventy francs," ejaculated the 
 old man, " and I'll close with him." 
 
 " What is it, Monsieur ? " said I, bowing civilly to 
 both. 
 
 " A ' quatorzieme,' sir," said the clerk, interposing, that he 
 might earn his commission in the event of a deal. " A qua- 
 torzieme, and I am bound to say one of the best in this 
 quarter of Paris. It takes in the Rue de la Chuine, the 
 Place de la Boucherie, with a very large sweep of the Boule- 
 vard Mont Parnasse." 
 
 " A quatorzieme ! " cried I, in amazement, " I never heard
 
 428 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 of any one living so hi£;h up. Are there really houses in 
 Paris fourteen stories high ! " 
 
 They both burst into a fit of laughter as I said this, and 
 it was some time ere the clerk could recover his gravity 
 sufficiently to reply ; at last he said, " I perceive that Mon- 
 sieur is a stranger to Paris and its ways, or he would know 
 that a quatorzieme is not an apartment fourteen stories high, 
 but an individual who holds himself always in readiness at 
 the dining-hours of his neighbourhood, to make the four- 
 teenth at any table, where, by accident, the unlucky number 
 of thirteen should be assembled ; — a party which every well- 
 informed person would otherwise scruple to sit down with. 
 This, sir, is a quatorzieme ; and here is a gentleman desirous 
 of disposing of his interest in such an enviable property. 
 
 To my question as to what were the necessary qualifica- 
 tions, they both answered in a kind of duet, by volubly re- 
 capitulating that nothing was needed but a suit of black and 
 clean gloves ; unobtrusive demeanour, and a moderate appe- 
 tite, being the certain recommendations to a high professional 
 success. I saw the chief requirement well — to eat little and 
 to talk less — to come in with the soup and go out with the 
 salad— never to partake of an entree, nor drink save the 
 " ordinaire : " these were the duties ; the reward was ten 
 francs. " It used to be a Napoleon, Monsieur," said the old 
 man, wiping his eyes. " In the time of Charles the Tenth it 
 was always a Napoleon, but these ' canailles' now-a-days have 
 no reverence for anything ; I have known even the ministry 
 dine thirteen on a Friday ; — to be sure, the king was fired at 
 two days afterwards for it — but nothing can teach them." 
 
 The old gentleman grew most communicative on the 
 subject of his "walk," which he was only abandoning in 
 consequence of the rheumatism, and the difficulty of ascend- 
 ing to dinner-parties on a high elevation. He depicted with 
 enthusiasm the enjoyments of a profession that demanded, 
 as he observed, so little previous study, was removed from 
 all the vicissitudes of commerce, pleasant in practice, and 
 remunerative in pay. He also insinuated the possible ad- 
 vantages to a young and handsome man, who could scarcely 
 fail to secure a good marriage, by observing a discreet and 
 decorous demeanour ; and, in fact, he represented his calling 
 in such a light, as at least to give me the liveliest curiosity 
 to enter upon it for a brief space, and while meditating what 
 future steps I should take in life. 
 
 That same afternoon I saw myself announced at the por 
 ter's window of a very shabby-looking house in the Rue de?
 
 "a new walk in progressive life." 429 
 
 la Forge, as Monsieur de Corneille — the "de" being advised 
 by my predecessor. " Quatorzieme pret a toute heure," and 
 thus opened my professional career. I was told that it was 
 all-important in my vocation, that I should not be seen much 
 abroad in the world. There should be a certain mysterious- 
 ness about me, when I appeared at a dinner-table, that might 
 permit the host to speak of me — to strangers — as his old 
 friend the Baron de So-and-so, who rarely ventured out even 
 to dine with him. In fact, I should be as guarded against 
 publicity as though I were a royal personage. This was not 
 a hard condition at the time, since I was desirous of escaping 
 notice. I passed all my mornings, therefore, in writing — 
 sometimes memorials to a minister — sometimes statements 
 for the press : now, they were letters to the banker at Gua- 
 juaqualla, or to Don Estaban, or to the great firm at the 
 Havannah. The cost of postage deterred me from despatch- 
 ing most of them, but I continued to write them as though 
 to feed the cravings of my hope. When evening drew nigh 
 I abandoned the desk for the toilet; and having arrayed 
 myself in most austere black, waited for the summons which 
 should invite me to some unknown feast. I have often 
 perused records of the early struggles of a professional life — 
 the nervous vacillations between hope and fear, which haunt 
 him who watches day after day, for some time, that he is not 
 forgotten of the world. The fretful jealousies of the fortunate 
 rival — the sad depression over his own failures — the eager 
 watching lest the footfall on the stairs stop not at his door, 
 and the wearisome sinking of the heart as the sounds die 
 away in the distance, and leave him to the silence of his own 
 despair. If I had not to feel the corroding regrets of him 
 who has toiled long and ardently, for the attainment of a 
 knowledge that now lies " a rust," unused, unasked for, un- 
 wanted — I had to learn what are his tortures who waits till 
 the world call him. 
 
 There I sat in all my " bravery." What a contrast between 
 my sleek exterior, and the half-famished creature within ! 
 Sometimes my impatience would break out into a fit of 
 passion, in which I railed at the old knave who had en- 
 trapped me — at fortune that deserted me — at myself, who had 
 grown indolent, and void of enterprise. Sometimes I became 
 almost stupid by long reflection, and would sit to a late hour 
 of the night, unconscious of everything ; and sometimes I 
 would actually laugh outright, at the absurdity of my 
 assumed calling, wondering how I ever could have been fool 
 enough to embrace it.
 
 430 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 The world had evidently grown out of its superstitions: 
 republicanism and socialism, and all the other free and easy 
 notions by which men persuaded themselves that the rich are 
 thieves, and the poor the just inheritors of the gains, had 
 knocked down many a mock idol besides monarchy. Men 
 no longer threw a pinch of salt over their left shoulder, when 
 they upset the saltcellar — didn't pierce their egg-shell, lest 
 the fairies might make a boat of it ; and so, among many 
 other remains of the custom of our ancestors abandoned, 
 they sat down to dinner, careless whether the party were 
 thirteen or thirty. 
 
 " I might as well try and revive astrology," thought I, " as 
 seek to trade upon superstition, in this unbelieving age ! I 
 doubt if all Paris contains another quatorzieme than myself; 
 the old villain knew the trade was ruined, when he sold me 
 his ' goodwill ' of the business." 
 
 I was in the very deepest and darkest abyss of these gloomy 
 thoughts one evening, when a heavy down-pour of rain, and 
 the sorrowful moanings of a December wind, added melan- 
 choly to my wearied spirit. It was such a night that none 
 would have, ventured out, who could have claimed the hum- 
 blest roof to shelter him. The streets were perfectly deserted , 
 and early as it was the shops were already closed for the 
 night. The very lamps that swung to and fro with the wind, 
 looked hazy and dim, amid the sweeping rain, and the chains 
 clanked with the dreary cadence of a gibbet. 
 
 I knew it was needless to go through the ceremony of 
 dressing on such a night. " Better face all the imaginary 
 terrors of a thirteen party than brave the real danger of a 
 storm like this," so I reasoned ; and, in all the freedom of my 
 tattered dressing-gown, I paced my room in a frame of mind 
 very little above despair. " And this in Paris," cried I ; 
 f this the city, where in some hundred gilded saloons — at this 
 very moment — are met men, brilliant in all the gifts of 
 genius, and women more beautiful and more fascinating than 
 the houris of Paradise. Wit and polished raillery — bright 
 glances and soft smiles, are now mingling amid the glitter of 
 stars, and crosses, and diamonds ; while some thousands, 
 like me, are actually famishing with hunger — too poor, even, 
 to have a fire to thaw the icicles of despair that are gathering 
 around the heart ! 
 
 Had it not been better for me, if I had lived on in the 
 same humble condition to which I was born, than have tasted 
 of the fascinations of riches, to love and pine after them for 
 ever ! No ! this I could not agree to. There were soma
 
 "a new walk in progressive life." 431 
 
 moments of my glorious prosperity that well repaid me for 
 all I had, or all I could suffer for them ; and to whatever 
 depth of evil destiny I might yet be reserved, I should carry 
 with me the delicious memory of my once happiness. Con 
 Cregan— the light-hearted — was himself again! Con — the 
 vagrant — the passionate lover of whatever life offered of 
 pleasure, of beauty, and of splendour — who only needed a 
 good cash account with Coutts to make his existence a " fairy 
 tale." I forgot for a moment that I lived in a mean chamber, 
 with a broken window, a fireless grate, a table that never was 
 graced with a meal! a bed that resembled a "board," and a 
 chair, to sit upon which without smashing, required the. 
 dexterity of a juggler. 
 
 A sharp knocking at my door cut short these meditations, 
 and a voice at the same time cried out my name. " Come 
 in," said I, authoritatively. I fancied it might be the land- 
 lord, and was not sorry to brave him — by the darkness. The 
 door opened, and a figure, which even in the gloom I could 
 perceive was that of a stranger, entered. M Monsieur de 
 Corneille lives here ? " said he. 
 
 "I have the humble honour to be that individual," re- 
 sponded I. 
 
 " Have you got no light ? I have smashed my shins across 
 a confounded chair," said he, querulously. 
 
 " You're all safe now," said I ; " keep round by the wall, 
 but take care of the rat-trap near the corner." 
 
 "Let's have a light, mon cher," said the other, half coax- 
 ingly. 
 
 "I never have a light," said I ; " I detest glare — hate 
 snuffing a candle, and can't endure the thought of patronizing 
 Russia and her tallow." 
 
 " Couldn't we have a bit of fire, then ? " asked he. 
 
 "Fire before Christmas!" exclaimed I; "are we in 
 Tobolsk ? What Sybarite talks of fire in Paris at this sea- 
 
 son 
 
 9" 
 
 " I really am ambitious of seeing you, Monsieur," said the 
 other : " can we not compass this object without any violence 
 to your feelings ? " 
 
 " Have you a cigar-case ? " said I. 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Well, strike a light ; and here's a letter which you may 
 set fire to : you can thus make an inspection of me by ' inch 
 of paper.' " 
 
 He laughed pleasantly at the conceit, and lighted the letter, 
 by the aid of which, as he held it above his head, he took a
 
 432 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 rapid survey of the chamber and its contents, myself being 
 the chief movable it boasted. 
 
 " Of a truth, my friend," said he," " this apartment has 
 nothing superfluous about it." 
 
 " Cool and airy," said I, calmly, " with a magnificent view 
 of red- tiled roofs and chimney-pots." 
 
 " And you — would it be an impertinence to ask — if you 
 ever condescend to the restriction of anything more limited 
 than that very graceful dressing-room ? " 
 
 " Oh, certainly ! " exclaimed I ; " only be good enough to 
 say why you ask the question." By this time the stranger's 
 torch had burned down so close to his fingers as to cause an 
 exclamation of pain as he threw it on the ground, and thus 
 were we once more in the dark. 
 
 " Not from mere motives of idle curiosity, Monsieur," said 
 he, " did I ask ; but simply, having come here, to request the 
 pleasure of your company at dinner to-day. I made the 
 inquiry with a direct object. My name is Paul de Minerale." 
 
 " Not the distinguished writer — the inimitable novelist — 
 the delightful composer of the ' Curate's Niece,' * The Path 
 through the Vineyard,' ' The Rose of Auteuil ? ' " 
 
 " 1 am much flattered," said he, cutting short my enumera- 
 tion, " to discover so ardent an admirer of my poor produc- 
 tions ; but, as time presses, will you be good enough to hasten 
 your toilet, for my ' cottage ' is near Belleville, and will take 
 us nigh an hour to reach." 
 
 I proceeded accordingly to array myself in cleaner cos- 
 tume, while my visitor kept up an agreeable conversation, 
 chiefly bearing upon my line of life, the changeful passages 
 of which, he seemed to think, ought to offer much amuse- 
 ment ; nor could he conceal his astonishment on learning 
 that he himself was my first and only client. " What an 
 age we live in ! " cried he ; " where is that * ancient faith * 
 departed ? Can men so openly disparage the gods ? " 
 
 " Though my theology has been changed," said I, " that's 
 all. The Bourse and the Ballet are the modern deities, 
 and he must be a rare sceptic who refuses to believe in 
 them." 
 
 " You are a philosopher, I perceive," said he. 
 
 " Only before dinner," replied I. " I am speculative with 
 the soup, and grave with my ' petit pate ; ' reserved with the 
 first entree ; blandly communicative after the ' piece de resist- 
 ance ; playful over the asparagus or the peas ; soothing with 
 the rote ; and so descend into a soft and gentle sadness as the 
 dessert appears. I leave digestion to take its course, waiting
 
 433 
 
 for my mocha and maraschino. In the drawing-room I blaze 
 forth in all the vividness of agreeability." 
 
 11 What could have induced one so evidently intended for 
 a foreground figure to prefer the humble and shadowy part of 
 a ' Quatorzieme ? ' " said he, in surprise. 
 
 " The ' Res Dura ' that crosses every man's destiny, and 
 a spice of that spirit of investigation which teaches one to 
 explore very unwholesome depths, and very unrewarding 
 regions ; a blending of that which made the Czar a carpenter, 
 and Louis Philippe a teacher of mathematics." 
 
 "Ah! that reminds me," interposed he, " that I ought to 
 put you on your guard. To-day a Royal Prince will honour 
 us with his company. There are a couple of ministers and a 
 general. The rest of the party are of the artiste class, whose 
 susceptibilities you cannot wound, — authors, actresses, jour- 
 nalists, and danseuses, however touchy in the great world, 
 are angels of good temper in small societies." With this he 
 proceeded to give me a nearer insight into the kind of com- 
 pany into which I was to be introduced — a society, so far as 
 I could learn, that a rigid moralist might have deemed " more 
 fair than honest." I learned too, that I owed the distinction 
 of my invitation to a wager between his Royal Highness the 
 Due de St. Cloud, and my host. The bet being that De 
 Minerale was to find out a " Quatorzieme," and bring him 
 to dinner, his search for one not to begin till after five 
 o'clock p.m. ; the Prince being fully convinced that no regular 
 practitioner in that walk any longer existed. " Your presence, 
 my dear sir," continued he, "is worth, independent of the 
 charm of your conversation, fifty Napoleons ; one-half of 
 which I must beg you to accept : " saying which, he gracefully 
 presented me with a purse, whose pleasant weight descended 
 into my palm with a sensation indescribably soft and 
 soothing. 
 
 All this time we were rattling along towards Belleville at 
 a rapid pace ; and although the rain swept past in torrents, 
 the lightning flashed, and the wind tore the strong trees from 
 their roots, and strewed the ground with their gigantic limbs, 
 I sat in a reverie of sweet and delightful fancies — the only 
 alloy to my ecstasy being a passing fear that at each moment 
 shot through me — Can this be real — am I awake ? or has 
 long fasting so weakened my faculties that this is but a delu- 
 sion ; and instead of hastening to a dinner-party with a royal 
 guest, I am speeding onwards to a prison, or, mayhap, a mad- 
 house. These fancies, at first but fitful and at intervals, 
 became at length so distressing, that I was on the very point 
 
 F F
 
 434 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 of communicating them to my companion, and asking for his 
 counsel and comfort, when we drove into a small avenue, and 
 then almost immediately drew up in front of a porch, where 
 amid a blaze of light stood three or four servants in gaudy 
 liveries, awaiting our arrival. 
 
 " Well, Paul! " cried a young, fashionable-looking fellow, 
 with a very imposing black beard — " What success ? " 
 
 "I've won — here he is ! " cried my companion. " Have I 
 much time to spare ? " 
 
 " Something less than two minutes," said the other, as he 
 coolly surveyed me through his glass. " Present me, Paul." 
 
 "Mons. Alphonse de Langeron — Mons. de Corneille." 
 
 "The author of the ' Fancies by Star Light,' " said I, bowing 
 with a most respectful devotion. 
 
 "Guilty, sir! and of fifty other indiscretions — to the full 
 as great," said he, laughing. 
 
 " Ah, sir, I know it by heart ; that stanza on the ' Waled 
 Letty,' haunts me like a dream." 
 
 " Sharp fellow, our friend the ' Quatorzieme !' " whispered 
 Alphonse to Paul, as we walked along towards the drawing- 
 room. 
 
 How I should like to dwell upon the details of that dinner, 
 the most delightful entertainment of my whole life ! It 
 needed not the sudden transition from the dark and dreary 
 chamber I inhabited to the gilded saloon, all in a blaze with 
 wax-lights, to make me feel it such. The " service " was 
 splendid — the cookery perfection — the wines the rarest of 
 every vintage — the apartment itself had all the chastened 
 grandeur of a mediaeval chamber, with the gorgeous splendour 
 contributed by a magnificent beaufet of silver ; — and the 
 guests ! what beauty and fascination of female loveliness — 
 what charm of wit and agreeability among the men ! The 
 gi <at damper upon my enjoyment was my actual doubt of the 
 reality of the whole scene. It was not, alone, that all the 
 splendour appeared so wonderful — that the glitter of gold 
 and the beauty of porcelain dazzled the eye ; but the very 
 names of the illustrious guests themselves, suggested incre- 
 dulity. What wonder if I could not credit my senses, as I 
 heard the first names in all the genius of France, on every 
 side of me. Here the great historian, and philosopher, and 
 statesman ; there, the delightful lyric poet ; yonder, the first 
 novelist of Europe ; and next to him the distinguished painter, 
 whose great battle-piece was in commemoration of the young 
 Prince beside him, a hero of "two- and- twenty." 
 
 .Nothing could be more easy or familiar than the tone of
 
 "a new walk in progressive life." 435 
 
 conversation — that happy pleasantry, that tickles but never 
 wounds, so unlike the English propensity for " quizzing " 
 — that vulgar version of Gallic "badinage;" and then 
 how eloquent, without pedantry — how sparkling and how 
 suggestive ! Ah, my kind reader, I see the rippling smile 
 over the broad Atlantic of your countenance. You have 
 guessed all the secret of my enthusiasm, and you know the 
 mystery of my admiration. Be it so : I am ready to confess 
 Jill. It was my own success that made the chief enchantment 
 of the scene. I was the lion of the evening. Not a theme 
 on which I did not hold forth, not a subject I did not discuss 
 — politics, bull-fighting, cookery, dress, literature, duelling, 
 the ballet, horseracing, play, scandal, naval tactics, coloniza- 
 tion, cotton-spinning, music, railroads, and the " dry-rot." I 
 was profound, playful, serious, jocose, instructive and amusing 
 by turns. Madmlle. de la Bourdonaye, the first actress of 
 the " Francais," was charmed with my dramatic criticism ; 
 the poet — enthusiastic at my recital of a stanza of his own ; 
 the general pronounced me the very best judge of cavalry 
 evolutions he had ever met; the great painter begged the 
 favour of a visit from me at his studio ; and the Prince's 
 aide-de-camp — himself a distinguished soldier — told me, in 
 a whisper, to hold myself disengaged for the following 
 "Wednesday. 
 
 These were, after all, but the precursors of greater triumphs 
 in the drawing-room, where I played and sang several Mexi- 
 can ballads ; danced the Bollero with Madmlle. Rose Jasmin, 
 of the Grand Opera ; and lassoed a Mount Saint Bernard 
 mastiff with the bell-rope. After this, beat the statesman at 
 chess ; rolled up Indian cigarettes for the ladies, whom I 
 taught to sit squaw fashion ; told various anecdotes of my 
 prairie adventures ; and wound up all by concocting a bowl 
 of " ponch a 1'Americaine," at once the astonishment and the 
 delight of all. I must not suffer myself to dwell longer on 
 this theme, nor speak of that supper, with its champagne and 
 culembourgs, its lyrics and its lobster salads, with ortolans, 
 epigrams, seductive smiles, and maraschino jelly. Enough. — 
 The orgies — for it was no less — lasted till nigh morning, and 
 when we arose from table a pale streak of coming day was 
 struggling between the margins of the curtains. 
 
 " His Royal Highness will set you down, Mons. de Cor- 
 neille," said the aide-de-camp, advancing to me. 
 
 Blushing with pleasure and shame together, I accepted 
 what could not be declined, and proceeded to take leave of 
 my kind host and his friends. Cordial greetings, and fiat- 
 
 F f 2
 
 436 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 tering wishes soon to meet again met me on every side, and 
 I retired actually overwhelmed with civil attentions. 
 
 "Do we pass by your quarter, Monsieur ? " said his Royal 
 Highness, as I took my seat in the carriage. 
 
 I would have given all my worldly wealth, and expecta- 
 tions to boot, to be able to say that I lived in the Place Ven- 
 dome or the Rue Royale ; but there was no help for it ; the 
 murder would out one day, since my host knew my address ; 
 and with an easy, unabashed air, I said that I lodged in the 
 Rue de la Forge, near the Mount St. Parnasse. 
 
 The Prince bowed, and took no notice of the announce- 
 ment; but I thought that I could read a very peculiar 
 twinkle in the eye of the aide-de-camp. I might have easily 
 been mistaken, however, for I felt myself on my trial, and 
 thought everything an accusation. How gratuitously I tor- 
 tured myself, subsequent knowledge of life has repeatedly 
 convinced me ; for while to some upstart rich man, the 
 acknowledgment of my humble abode would have been a 
 shock sufficient to sever us for ever, to the Prince the matter 
 had no other significance than that it suited my means, with 
 which, whether ample or the reverse, he had no right to 
 meddle. Indeed, I was not sorry to remain in doubt upon 
 the fact, since, in the difficult negotiation between the aide- 
 de-camp and the coachman, who had never so much as heard 
 of my unhappy street, his Royal Highness never evinced 
 any surprise whatever, but sat patiently to the end of the 
 discussion, without vouchsafing even a word upon the 
 subject. 
 
 " This must be the house, number 21,748," said the chas- 
 seur, at length ; and we drew up at the well-known door, 
 where the old porter sat reading on one side, while his wife 
 was peeling carrots at the other. 
 
 It was the first moment of confusion I suffered, since I had 
 left the same spot ; but my cheek was in a flame, as the 
 lacquey let down the steps, and offered me his arm to descend. 
 The lowly veneration of the old porter, as he stared at the 
 royal liveries and the emblazoned panels of the carriage, was 
 but a sorry compensation for the mock servility of the chas- 
 seur, whose eyes seemed to look through into my very heart, 
 so that I actually did not hear the parting words of the 
 Prince, as the equipage drove away. 
 
 Curious anomaly ! the half-insolent glances of the lacqueys 
 sank deeper into my spirit than the flattering smile of the 
 Prince's adieu. How much more alive is our nature to the 
 pang of scorn than to the balm of kindness. These were my
 
 437 
 
 reflections as I entered my humble chamber, every portion of 
 which seemed doubly miserable to me now. " Is it possible," 
 thought I, " that I have endured this hitherto ? have I really 
 Bat in that crazy old chair, and stretched my limbs upon that 
 wretched pallet ? Can it be real ? or which is the delusion — 
 my recent splendour or my present squalor ?" Although up 
 all night, I was far too much excited for sleep, even could I 
 have persuaded myself to seek it on so humble a couch. I 
 therefore set myself to think over the future, and wonder 
 whether the brilliant scene in which I had so lately mixed, 
 would remain in its isolated brightness amid the desolation 
 of my life, or be the guide-star to future greatness and dis- 
 tinction. My late success emboldened me to think that For- 
 tune had not yet deserted me. " Who knows," thought I, 
 " but the Spaniards may behave handsomely yet, and make 
 restitution of my property ; or what if the Mexican banker 
 should be a true man, and acknowledge my claim upon 
 him?" "If I could but enlist the Prince in my cause," 
 thought I again, " how certain should I be of the issue ! 
 French influence always was powerful in Spain. Napoleon 
 used to say, 'There were no Pyrenees ;' I should be content 
 if there were only a good road over them to convey the dis- 
 patches that might assert my just right." 
 
 A quick step upon the stairs at that instant caught my 
 ear ; few ever ascended so high up as my story, so I listened, 
 and almost at once my door was thrown open, and my host 
 of the preceding evening rushed into the room. Having 
 shaken hands with me cordially, he said, " Corneille, mon 
 ami ! I have made another wager about you ; and although 
 the sum is a trifling one, I am curious to ascertain if I am 
 the winner. Jules de Montserrat, and Emile de Gency, and 
 myself, had a dispute last night about your nationality, which 
 ended in a bet. I am bound in honour not to tell you what 
 our several opinions and guesses were ; but still at liberty to 
 ask you, what is your native country ? " 
 
 " I am an Irishman, and derive my name from the ancient 
 family of Cregan. Cornelius is but my Christian name, 
 which I assumed to cover the disgrace of my altered for- 
 tune." 
 
 " As to our wager, then, we were all in error, — none of us 
 guessed Ireland. As to your being a man of birth and station, 
 I need scarcely say, we were all agreed." 
 
 " Would it were otherwise," said I, with a deep sigh ; 
 "a humble position might be endured well enough, if un- 
 alloyed by the regrets of a condition forfeited for ever. If
 
 438 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 you are curious to hear a very unhappy story, I am willing" 
 to relate it." 
 
 " You couldn't do me a greater favour," said he, seating 
 himself like one eager to listen. 
 
 " First, then, we'll have some breakfast," said I ; " and 
 then, with a good fire and no fear of interruption, — for I 
 have not one acquaintance in Paris, — you shall hear my 
 history from beginning to end." 
 
 Chocolate and cutlets, champagne and devilled kidneys,, 
 brioches, sardines, and coffee, made their appearance as rapidly 
 as though such delicacies were in the habit of daily mounting 
 these steep stairs ; and a cheerful blaze glowed once more in 
 a grate where the oldest inhabitant had never beheld a fire. 
 
 These preparations being made, we began our meal, and I 
 opened my narrative. The reader must not feel offended with 
 me, if I ventured to draw upon my imagination for the earlier 
 facts of my history. Nature had not been generous to me in 
 the article of a father ; what great harm if I invented one for 
 myself? Fortune had placed my birth beneath the thatched 
 roof of an Irish cabin ; was it not generous of me to call it 
 the ancient baronial seat of the Cregans ? She started me 
 poor and in rags ; I was above repining, and called myself 
 rich and well-nurtured ; but why weary my reader with such 
 a recital. If it was necessary to raise the foundation on 
 fiction ; the after events of my career I was satisfied to state 
 pretty nearly as they happened, merely altering the reasons 
 for my journey to the New World, which I ascribed to my 
 search after a great inheritance belonging to my family, who 
 were originally from Andalusia, and grandees of Spain. 
 
 " And this of course you failed in," said my friend, who- 
 rather felt this portion of my story less interesting than cer- 
 tain other and more stirring passages. 
 
 " On the contrary," said I, " I succeeded perfectly. I not 
 only discovered the banker in whose hands my family wealth 
 was deposited, but established my claim most satisfactorily, 
 and received a very large sum in gold, with bills to a high, 
 amount on various mercantile houses, besides leaving in his 
 hands an important balance, for which I had no immediate 
 necessity." After a slight sketch of my Mexican progress — 
 very little embellished or exaggerated — I narrated my voyage 
 to Europe and my capture at Malaga exactly as they occurred, 
 circumstantially recording every detail of name and date I 
 could remember down to the very moment of my reaching 
 Paris. 
 
 " One question more, my dear friend," said M. Paul, after*
 
 439 
 
 some fifty very searching interrogatories as closely argued as 
 the cross-examination of a counsel at law. " One question 
 more, and I have done ; I know you'll not be offended at the 
 liberty I am about to take — nay, I feel you'll be even gratified 
 with my candour. Tell me, frankly, as between man and 
 man, is there one word of truth in all this, or is it not down- 
 right moonshine — sheer invention from beginning to end ? " 
 
 I started to my legs, my face crimson with anger, but as 
 suddenly recovering myself, said, " You were right, sir, to 
 bespeak a degree of command over my feelings before you 
 ventured upon this freedom, which if I cannot altogether 
 pardon, yet I will not resent." 
 
 " So it is true, then," said he, with a degree of melancholy 
 in his voice I could not fathom. 
 
 " Of course it is," rejoined I. 
 
 " Sorry to hear it ; deeply, sincerely sorry, that's all," 
 replied he in the self-same manner ; — " I cannot express to 
 you one-half of my disappointment." 
 
 "Sorrow! disappointment!" exclaimed I. "May I ask 
 what possible interest you could have in supposing me to be 
 an impostor and a cheat." 
 
 "Hard names these," said he, laughing; "but I will 
 explain myself: if the story that you have just told me were 
 fiction, I could give you three hundred francs a day to write 
 feuilletons for the Debats. If one-half of it were even inven- 
 tion, you'd be worth two hundred on the Siecle or the Presse ; 
 say you stole the material, and you'd still do admirably for 
 the Mode. 
 
 " Are you — so conversant with a hundred thousand things 
 — ignorant that the grand principle of division of labour has 
 extended itself from the common arts of manufacture, to the 
 operations of genius; and that, now-a-days, no man would 
 think of composing an entire work himself, any more than 
 he would of turning mason, carpenter, slater, locksmith, and 
 glazier, were he about to build a house. On the contrary, 
 having fixed upon the site, and determined the proportions of 
 his future edifice, he surrounds himself with competent and 
 skilful hands in all the several walks of constructiveness ; 
 reserving to himself that supervision and direction, which 
 could not be practicable were he engaged in actual labour ; 
 thus is he a master-builder in fiction, — selecting his artificers 
 — storing his materials — apportioning the quantity — keenly 
 watching the variations in public taste — and producing at 
 last a mass and variety that no one brain — however fertile 
 and assiduous — could be capable of. This," said he, drawing
 
 440 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 himself up proudly, " this is my walk. By the aid of this 
 discovery^-for it is mine, and mine only — I am enabled to 
 draw tears in the Debats and convulse with laughter in the 
 Constitutionnel ; and while writing of the torrid zone in one 
 journal, I have an Icelander as my hero in another. Men 
 stare at the range of my knowledge of life under aspects so 
 various and discordant ; and well may they wonder, were I to 
 draw upon my own unassisted faculties. But it is men like 
 you, Cregan, I want : shrewd, sharp, ready-witted dogs ; 
 quick to remark, and quicker to report. What say you, then, 
 will you join my corps in the fiction-foundry over which I 
 preside? " 
 
 " Were I but capable " 
 
 " You are eminently so. We need no literary ability — no 
 craft of authorship — no more than the child who picks the 
 wool in the factory is called on to direct the loom that weaves 
 it into cloth. Let me finish the article; I'll give it the gloss 
 for sale ! What say you ? five thousand francs a year — 
 free admission to every theatre in Paris, and a dinner 
 at ' La Trou aux Bois ' — where you dined yesterday — every 
 Sunday ? " 
 
 " A bargain," cried I, in ecstasy. 
 
 " Concluded by both parties, who thus acknowledge their 
 hand and seal," cried he, tossing off a glass of chamapgne, 
 and then rising from the table he prepared to take his leave. 
 " I conclude," said he, " that you'll not continue your resi- 
 dence here much longer. Seek out some quarter less near to 
 heaven, and more accessible to poor human nature." 
 
 I promised to follow the advice, and we separated. He to 
 repair to his haunts — the cafes, the editorial snuggeries, and 
 other gossip shops of Paris ; and I to seek out a more congenial 
 abode, and one more befitting the favourable turn which Fate 
 had now imparted to my fortune. 
 
 The afternoon of that same day saw me installed in a 
 pleasant little apartment overlooking the garden of the 
 Luxembourg, and where, from a little terrace, I could inhale 
 the odour of the orange blossoms, and see the children at 
 play amid the plashing of fountains and the waving of the 
 tall grass. It was, as I discovered, the quarter of the whole 
 artiste class, — poets, painters, actors, sculptors, feuilletonists, 
 and caricaturists ; nor was it difficult to ascertain the fact, as 
 a certain extravagance of beard, various modifications of hat, 
 and peculiarly-cut coats and trousers, presented themselves at 
 every moment. Resolving to don " the livery of my race," 
 I made my appearance in a suit of coffee-brown, hat and
 
 "A NEW WALK IN PROGRESSIVE LIFE." 441 
 
 russet boots to match ; as for beard, a life of seclusion for 
 several weeks had only left me the task of retrenchment ; 
 and the barber, whose services I invoked, had but to ask my 
 career to impress me with that artiste stamp, that makes 
 every full-faced man a mock " Holbein," and every thin one 
 a bad Vandyke. 
 
 " The novelists wear it straight across, and square below 
 the chin, sir," said he. " This is a plate of Monsieur Eugene 
 Sue ; but there is a certain dash of energy about Monsieur's 
 eyes — a kind of ' beaute insolente,' if I may be pardoned 
 the phrase, that would warrant the beard to be pointed. May 
 I venture to trim Monsieur as Salvator Rosa ? " 
 
 " Use your own discretion, Monsieur Palmyre," said I ; 
 " the responsibility is great, and I will not clog it by even a 
 suggestion." 
 
 To say that I could not have known myself on arising 
 from his hands is no exaggeration, so perfectly changed had 
 my features become in their expression. As a disguise it was 
 perfect ; and this alone was no small recommendation. 
 
 As I walked the alleys of the Luxembourg, where at every 
 instant men travestied like myself, came and went, I could 
 not help recalling the classical assertion, that " no two 
 augurs could meet face to face without laughing," and I won- 
 dered excessively how we artistes surveyed each other, and 
 preserved even a decent gravity. 
 
 My career as a litterateur began the next day, and I 
 received a short editorial summons from the office of La 
 Tnnpete to furnish a feuilleton of a hundred and twenty- four 
 lines: the postscript adding, that as Admiral Du Guesclin had 
 just arrived from Macao, some "esquisses des mceursChinoises" 
 would be well timed. Of China I only knew what a lac- 
 quered tea-tray and the willow pattern could teach me ; but 
 I set to work at once, and by assuming my sketches to be 
 personal adventures and experiences, made up a most im- 
 posing account of Chinese domesticity. 
 
 The article had an immense success : the air of veracity 
 was perfect ; and the very officers of the fleet were so 
 deluded by the imposition, as to believe they must have fre- 
 quently met me at Shang-kee-shing or Fong-wong-loo. 
 
 Thus was I launched into a career, of all others the most 
 amusing, the most exciting, and I must also add, the most 
 dissipated. Living apart from all mankind in a little circle 
 of our own, where we only recognized the world as we our- 
 selves were pleased to paint it, our whole lives were one 
 long scoff and sneer at everybody and everything. Friend-
 
 442 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 ship meant the habit of meeting at dinner; the highest 
 nobility of soul was his who paid the reckoning. 
 
 If there was little actual happiness among us, there was 
 certainly no care nor any touch of sorrow. A great picture 
 condemned, a poem cut to pieces, a play hissed off, only sug- 
 gested a " souper de consolation," when the unlucky author 
 would be the first to cut jokes upon his own failure, and 
 ridicule the offspring of his own brains. Who could look for 
 sympathy where men had no feeling for themselves ! Even 
 thieves, the proverb tells us, observe "honour" with each 
 other; but we were worse than thieves, since we actually 
 lived and grew fat upon each other's mishaps. If one exhi- 
 bited a statue at the Louvre, another was sure to caricature 
 it for the Passage de l'Opera. If one brought out a grand 
 drama at the Prancais, a burlesque was certain to follow it at 
 the Palais Royale. Every little trait that near intercourse 
 and familiarity discloses, every weakness that is laid bare in 
 the freedom of friendly association, were made venal, and 
 worth so much a line for Le Voleur or ISEspion. 
 
 As to any sulking, or dreaming of resenting these infrac- 
 tions, he might as well try to repress the free-and-easy 
 habits of a midshipman's berth. They were the " masonry 
 of the craft," which each tacitly subscribed^ to when he 
 entered it. 
 
 All intercourse was completely gladiatorial, not for dis- 
 play, but for defence. Everlasting badinage on every subject 
 and on everybody was the order of each day ; and as success 
 was to the lull as much quizzed as failure, any exhibition of 
 vanity or self-gratulation met a heavy retribution. Woe 
 unto him whose romance went through three editions in a 
 fortnight, or whom the audience called for at the conclusion 
 of his drama ! 
 
 As for the fairer portion of our guild, being for the most 
 part ostracised in general society, they bore a grudge against 
 their sex, and affected a thousand airs of mannishness. 
 Some always dressed in male attire ; many sported little 
 moustaches and chin-tufts, rode man-fashion in the Bois de 
 Boulogne, fought duels, and all smoked. Like other con- 
 verts, they went farther in their faith than the old believers,, 
 and talked Communism, Socialism, and Saint Simonianism, 
 with a freedom that rose high above all the little prejudices 
 ordinary life fosters. 
 
 If great crimes, such as shock the world by their enormity,* 
 were quite unknown among us, all the vices, practicable 
 within the Law and the Code Napoleon, were widely popular,,
 
 443 
 
 and the worst of it all was, none seemed to have the remotest 
 conception that he was not the bean ideal of morality. The 
 simple fact was, we assnmed a very low standard of right, 
 and chose to walk even nnder that. 
 
 With Paris, and all its varied forms of life, I soon became 
 perfectly familiar ; not merely that city which occupies the 
 Faubourg St. Honore, or St. Germain — not the Paris of 
 the Boulevards or the Palais Royale only ; but with Quartier 
 St. Denis, the Batignolle3, the Cite, and the Pays Latin. I 
 knew every dialect, from the slang of fashion to the conven- 
 tional language of its lowest populace. I heard every rumour, 
 from the cabinet of the Minister down to the latest gossip of 
 the " Coulisses ; " what the world said and thought, in each 
 of its varying and dissimilar sections; how each political 
 move was judged ; what was the public feeling for this or 
 that measure; how the "many-headed" were satisfied or 
 dissatisfied, whether with the measures of the Ministry, or 
 the legs of the new danseuse ; and thus I became the very 
 perfection of a feuilletoniste. There is but one secret in this 
 species of literature — the ever watchful observation of the 
 public — and when it is considered that this is a Parisian 
 public, the task is not quite so easy as some would deem it. 
 This watchfulness, and a certain hardihood that never shrinks 
 from any theme, however sacred to the conventional reserves- 
 of the general world, are all the requisites. 
 
 I have said it was a most amusing life ; and if eternal 
 excitement — if the onward rush of new emotions, the never- 
 ceasing flow of stimulating thoughts, could have sufficed for 
 happiness, I might have been, and ought to have been, con- 
 tented. Still the whole was unreal. Not only was the 
 world we had made for ourselves unreal, but all our judg- 
 ments, all our speculations, our hopes, fears, anticipations,, 
 our very likings and dislikings ! our antipathies were mock ; 
 and what we denounced with all the pretended seriousness of 
 heartfelt conviction in one journal, we not unfrequently pro- 
 nounced to be a heaven-sent blessing in another. Bravos of 
 the pen — we had no other principle than our pay, and were 
 utterly indifferent at whom we struck, even though the blow 
 should prove fatal. That we should become sceptical on 
 every subject ; that we should cease to bestow credence on 
 anything ; believing that all around was false, hypocritical,, 
 and unreal as ourselves, was natural enough ; but this frame 
 of mind bears its own weighty retribution, and not even the 
 miserable victim of superstitious fear, dreads solitude like 
 \im whose mind demands the constant stimulant of inter-
 
 444 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 course, the torrent of new ideas, that whirls him along, 
 unreflecting and unthinking. 
 
 It will be easily seen that all my narrative of myself met 
 "but little faith in such company. They unhesitatingly re- 
 jected the whole story of my wealth ; and my future restora- 
 tion to rank and riches used to be employed as a kind of 
 synonym for the Greek calends. The worst of all this was, 
 their disbelief infected even me, and I gradually began to 
 look upon myself as an impostor. My hope — the guide-star 
 that cheered me in many a dark and gloomy period — began 
 to wane, and I felt that ere long all those aspirations which 
 had spirited me on in life would lie cold and dead within me, 
 and that my horizon would extend no further than where 
 each daily sun sunk to rest. To show any discontent with 
 my walk ; to evince, in the slightest degree, any misgivings 
 that we of " La petite Presse " did not give laws to taste, 
 morals, jurisprudence, and legislation, would have been high 
 treason. To imply a doubt that we held in our hands, not 
 alone the destinies of Paris, but of Europe — of all civiliza- 
 tion — would have been a rank and outrageous heresy. 
 Like the priest, the journalist can never unfrock himself. 
 The mark of the ink, more tenacious than the blood on Lady 
 Macbeth's fingers, will " never out." What, then, could I 
 ■do ? for, wearied of my calling, I yearned for a little truth, — 
 for a new glimpse of reality, however short and fleeting. 
 
 Full of these thoughts, I repaired one morning to the Trou- 
 aux-Bois, where fortunately I found my friend Paul alone ; 
 at least, except three secretaries, to whom he was dictating 
 by turns, he had no one with him! "Wait till I have 
 finished this 'Attack of Wolves on a Caravan,' " said he, 
 " and the ' Death of Jules de Tavanne by Poison,' and I'm 
 your man ; meanwhile step into my study — there are masses 
 of newspapers and letters, which you can read freely." 
 
 He did not detain me long ; apparently the wolves were 
 weak, and soon beaten off, and the poison was strong, and 
 soon did its work : for he joined me in less than half an hour. 
 
 My explanation was listened to patiently, and what sur- 
 prised me more, without astonishment. He saw nothing 
 exaggerated or high-flown in the difficulties I started ; and 
 even went the length of confessing, that many of my objec- 
 tions had occurred to his own mind. " But then," said he, 
 "what is to be done? If you turn soldier, are you always 
 certain that you will concur in the justice of the cause for 
 which you fight ? Become a lawyer, and is not half your 
 life passed in arraigning the right, and defending the wrong ?
 
 "a new walk in progressive life." 445 
 
 Try medicine ; and where will be your ' practice ' if you only 
 prescribe for the really afflicted, and do not indulge the 
 caprices, and foster the complainings of the ■ malade imagi- 
 naire ? ' As an apothecary, you would vend poisons ; as an 
 architect, you would devise gaols and penitentiaries ; and so 
 to the end of the chapter. Optimism is just as impracticable 
 as it is dangerous. Accept the world as you find it, not 
 because it is the best, but because it is the only policy ; and,, 
 above all, be slow in changing a career where you have met 
 with success. The best proof that it suits you is, that the 
 public think so." 
 
 Being determined on my course, I now affected a desire to 
 see life in some other form, and observe mankind under some 
 other aspect. To this he assented freely ; and after a few 
 moments' discussion, suddenly bethought him of a letter he 
 had received that very morning. " You remember the Due 
 de St. Cloud, whom you met at dinner the first day you spent 
 here?" 
 
 " Perfectly." 
 
 " Well, he was, as you are aware, ordered off" to Africa, to 
 take a high military command a few days after, and has not 
 since returned to France. This day I have received a letter 
 from him, asking me to recommend some one among my 
 literary acquaintances to fill the office of his private secretary. 
 You are exactly the man for the appointment. The duties 
 are light, the pay liberal, the position agreeable in every way; 
 and in fact, for one who desires to see something of the world, 
 which the Boulevard du Gent and the Cafe de Paris cannot 
 show him, the opportunity is first-rate." 
 
 The proposal overjoyed me ! had I been called on to invent 
 a post for myself, this was exactly the thing I should have 
 fancied. A campaign against the Arabs — the novelty of 
 country, people, and events — a life of adventure, with a 
 prince for my companion — these were the very crowning 
 desires of my ambition. 
 
 " I'll write about it this very day : there will be a mail for 
 Algiers made up this evening, and not a moment shall be lost 
 in making the application." 
 
 I could not express one-half my gratitude for this opportune 
 kindness; and when I again turned my steps toward Paris, 
 my heart had regained the buoyant elasticity which had so 
 often lifted me above all the troubled waves of life.
 
 446 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN, 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIL 
 
 "moi et mon prince." 
 
 — Jules Janin. 
 
 In less than a fortnight after the interview I have just 
 recorded, I received a letter from De Minerale, inclosing 
 another addressed to himself, and whose royal seal at once 
 proclaimed the writer. De Minerale's was only a few lines, 
 thus: 
 
 " Dear 0. — I forward yon the * Duke's ' reply to my note, 
 by which you will see that we have been in time, and fortunate 
 enough to secure your appointment. Lose not a moment in 
 fulfilling the instructions contained in it, and dine with me 
 to-day at the 'Freres,' at seven. 
 
 " Yours, 
 
 P. de M." 
 
 The Duke's epistle, almost equally brief, was to the effect : 
 
 "Head Quarters, Oran. 
 
 " My dear De Minerale,— Of course I remember perfectly 
 our friend the c Quatorzieme,' whose lucubrations in the jour- 
 nals I have since been much amused with. In some respects 
 he would suit me well, being a fellow of high animal spirits 
 — great readiness — and, if I mistake not, well fitted for the 
 rough usage of a campaign. But, it strikes me, that if his 
 position be such as you represent it, the exchange would be 
 anything but profitable. This is a land of few pleasures and 
 no luxuries. Tell him that we never see truffles — that cham- 
 pagne is only a tradition ; and, except Moorish damsels, who 
 never show us more of their faces than a pair of eyes — dart- 
 ing fire and anger — we have no beauties. Yet, if, despite all 
 these drawbacks, he be still willing to tempt his fortune, and 
 trust to ' a razzia' for the rest, let him call on Count du Verg- 
 noble, at the 'Ministerede la Guerre,' where he will find 
 everything in readiness for his appointment. 
 
 " Should he desire it, he can also receive his commission
 
 * MOI ET MON PRINCE." 447 
 
 in my own regiment, the 13th Chasseurs-a-cheval ; and as he 
 will not be called on for duty, he might as well accept an 
 appointment that will at least give him forage for his horses 
 and some other advantages. 
 
 " Send me all the new things that are out, and tell me what 
 you and Alphonse are doing. ' Mes amites' to our fair friend 
 in the Rue Ponchaule, and the like — indiscriminately — to all 
 the others. 
 
 " Yours affectionately, 
 
 H. de St. C. 
 
 " You call him ' Le Comte de Creganne,' and so I have 
 written it for the Minister — is this right ? " 
 
 I read and re-read the letter till I knew every sentence of 
 it by heart ; and then, dressing myself with a degree of care 
 the importance of the occasion suggested, I drove off for the 
 Minister's office. It was not the hour of his usual reception ; 
 but on sending in my name, which I did as Le Comte de 
 Creganne, I was at once admitted. 
 
 His Excellency was all smiles and affability, praised his 
 Royal Highness' s selection of a name so greatly honoured in 
 literature, and paid me many nattering compliments on my 
 writings, which, by the way, he confounded with those of 
 half a dozen others ; and then, after a variety of civil speeches, 
 gently diverged into a modest inquiry as to my native coun- 
 try, rank, and fortune. " We live in days, mon cher Comte," 
 said he, laughing, "in which high capacity and talent happily 
 take precedence of mere lineage ; but still, an illustrious per- 
 sonage has always insisted upon the necessity of those imme- 
 diately about the person of the princes being of noble families. 
 I am quite aware that you can fulfil every condition of the 
 kind, and only desire such information as may satisfy his 
 Majesty." 
 
 I replied by relating the capture of my property at Malaga, 
 which, among other things, contained all the title-deeds of 
 my estates, and the patent of my nobility. " These alone," 
 said I, producing the banker's letters addressed to me as 
 Conde de Cregano, " are all that remain to me now to remind 
 me of my former standing ; and although, as born a British 
 subject, I might at once apply to my minister to substantiate 
 my claims, the unhappy events of Ireland which enlisted my 
 family in the ranks of her patriots, have made us exiles, — 
 proscribed exiles for ever." 
 
 This explanation went further than my previous one. The 
 old French antipathy to England found sympathy for Irish
 
 448 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN 
 
 rebellion at once ; and after a very brief discussion, my appoint- 
 ment was filled up, and I was named Private Secretary to 
 the Due de St. Cloud, and Lieutenant in the 13th Regiment 
 of Chasseurs-a-cheval. 
 
 A new career had now opened before me, and it was one of 
 all others the most to my choice. The war in Africa had be- 
 come by that time a kind of crusade ; it was the only field 
 where Frenchmen could win fame and honour in arms, and 
 the military fever of the nation was at its height. Into this 
 enthusiasm I threw myself ardently ; nor did it need the 
 stimulation derived from a new and most becoming uniform, 
 to make me fancy myself a very Bayard in chivalry. 
 
 A truly busy week was spent by me in preparations for 
 departure : as I had to be presented at a private audience of 
 the Court, to wait upon various high official personages, to 
 receive instructions on many points, and lastly, to preside at 
 a parting dinner, which I was to give to my literary brethern, 
 before retiring from the guild for ever. 
 
 Last dinners and leave-takings are generally sad affairs ; 
 this of mine was, however, an exception. It was a perfect 
 orgie of wild and enthusiastic gaiety. All the beauty which 
 the theatres and the " artiste " class generally could boast, 
 was united with the brilliancy and convivial excellence of 
 the cleverest men in Paris — the professional sayers of smart 
 things — the ready-witted ones, whose epigrams were sufficient 
 to smash a cabinet, or laugh down a new treaty ; and all in 
 high spirits, since what promoted me, also left a vacancy in 
 the corps, that gave many others a step in the ranks of 
 letters. 
 
 What speeches were made in my honour — what toasts, 
 prefaced by all the exaggeration of praise that would have 
 been fulsome, save for the lurking diablerie of fun, that every 
 now and then burst forth in the midst of them ! And then 
 there were odes, and sonnets, and songs, in which my future 
 achievements were pictured in a vein half-flattering, half- 
 satirical — that peculiar eau sucre, with a squeeze of lemon, 
 that only a Frenchman knows how to concoct ! 
 
 During one of my most triumphant moments, when two of 
 the very prettiest of actresses of the "Odeon" were placing 
 a laurel crown upon my brow, a cabinet-messenger was 
 announced, and presented me with an order to repair at once 
 to the Tuileries with my official letter of appointment, as 
 his Majesty, by some accident, had forgotten to append to it 
 his signature. Apologizing to my worthy friends for a 
 brief absence, which they assured me should be devoted to
 
 " MOI ET MON PBIXCE." 449 
 
 expatiating on those virtues of my character which my 
 presence interdicted them from enlarging upon, I arose and 
 left the room. It was necessary to arrange the disorder of 
 my dress and appearance, and I made a hurried dressing, 
 bathing my temples in cold water, and composing myself, so 
 far as might be, into a condition fit to meet the eyes of royalty 
 — two of my friends accompaning me the while, and lending 
 their assistance to my toilet. They at length pronounced 
 me perfect, and I drove off. 
 
 Although already past midnight, the King, with several 
 members of the royal family, were seated at tea — two of the 
 ministers, a few general officers, and a foreign ambassador, 
 being of the party. 
 
 Into this circle, in which there was nothing to inspire awe, 
 save the actual rank of the illustrious personages themselves, 
 I was now introduced by the Minister of War. " Le Comte 
 de Creganne, please your Majesty," said he, twice, ere the 
 King heard him. 
 
 "Ah! very true," said the King, turning round, and with 
 a smile of most cordial expression, adding, " My dear Count, 
 it seems I had forgotten to sign your appointment — a mistake 
 that might have caused you some inconvenience and delay 
 at Algiers. Pray let me amend this piece of forgetfulness." 
 
 I bowed respectfully, and deposited before him the great 
 square envelope, with the huge official seal annexed, that 
 contained my nomination. 
 
 " The Princess de Verneuil will be happy to give you some 
 tea, Count," said the King, motioning me to sit down, and I 
 obeyed, while my heart, beating violently at my side, almost 
 overpowered me with emotion. Only to think of it! — the 
 son of an Irish peasant seated at the family tea-table of a 
 great sovereign, and the princess herself, the daughter of a 
 king, pouring out his tea ! 
 
 If nothing short of the most consummate effrontery can 
 maintain a cool, unaffected indifference in presence of royalty, 
 there is another frame of mind indicative of ease and self- 
 possession, perfectly compatible with a kingly presence ; and 
 this is altogether dependant on the manner and tone of the 
 sovereign himself. The King — I have heard it was his usual 
 manner — was as free from any assumption of superiority as 
 would be any private gentleman under his own roof; his 
 conversation was maintained in a tone of perfect familiarity 
 with all around him, and even when differing in opinion with 
 any one, there was a degree of almost deference in the way 
 he insinuated his own views. 
 
 G G
 
 450 THE CONFESSIONS OP CON CREGAN. 
 
 On this occasion he directed nearly all his attention to 
 myself, and made Ireland the subject, asking a vast variety 
 of questions, chiefly regarding the condition of the peasantry, 
 their modes of life, habits of thinking, education, and future 
 prospects. I saw that my statements were all new to him, 
 that he was not prepared for much that I told him, and he 
 very soen avowed it by saying, " These, I must own, are 
 not the opinions I have usually heard from your countrymen, 
 Count ; but I conclude that the opportunities of travel, and 
 the liberalism of thought which intercourse with foreign 
 countries begets, may lead you to take views not quite in 
 accordance with mere stay-at-home politicians." I could 
 have given him another and more accurate explanation of the 
 difference. It was the first and only time that his Majesty 
 had conversed with the son of a peasant — one, himself born 
 and bred beneath the thatch of a cabin, and who had felt the 
 very emotions which others merely draw from their imagina- 
 tions. As it grew late, his Majesty arose, and the Ministers 
 one by one retired, leaving me the only stranger present. 
 " Now, Count, I must not detain you longer ; you leave Paris 
 early to-morrow morning, and I should have remembered 
 how large a portion of your night I have monopolized. This 
 paper — where is it ? " 
 
 I at once took up the envelope, and drew forth a document, 
 — but conceive my horror when I discerned that it was a 
 piece of verse — a droll song upon my new dignity, that one 
 of [my villanous companions had stuffed into the envelope 
 in place of my official letter of appointment. Crushing it 
 in my hand, I pulled out another — worse again ! It was the 
 bill of fare of our dinner at Yery's, where " entrees " and 
 " hors-d'oeuvres, salmis, and macedoines," figured in imposing 
 array. One document still remained, and I drew it out; 
 but, as his Majesty's eyes were this time bent upon me, 
 I had not a moment to see what might be its contents ; 
 indeed I half suspected the King saw my indecision, and, 
 determining to put a bold face on the matter, I doubled 
 down a blank piece of the paper, and placed it for his 
 Majesty. Apparently his thoughts were wandering in some 
 other direction, for he took up the pen abstracted^, and 
 wrote the words, " Approved by us," with his name in a 
 routine sort of way, that showed he gave no attention to the 
 act whatever. 
 
 It was all I could do ! To avoid any indecent show of 
 haste in enclosing the paper within the envelope, my hand 
 trembled so that 1 could scarcely accomplish it. When I had
 
 " MOI ET MON PRINCE." 451 
 
 replaced it in my pocket, I felt like a drowning man at the 
 moment he touches land. 
 
 The King dismissed me with many flattering speeches, and 
 I returned to Yery's, where my friends were still at table. 
 Resolved not to gratify the triumph of their malice, I 
 affected to have discovered the trick in time to remedy it, and 
 to replace my appointment in its enclosure. Of course the 
 possibility of what might have occurred, gave rise to many a 
 droll fancy and absurd conceit, and I plainly saw how very 
 little compunction there would have been for my disaster if 
 a ludicrous scene had ensued between the king and myself. 
 
 We separated now with all the testimonies of sincere affec- 
 tion : some of my fair friends even wept, and our parting had 
 all the parade, and about the same amount of sincerity — as a 
 scene in a drama. Paul alone showed any real feeling ; he 
 liked me probably because he had served me — a stronger 
 bond of affection than many people are aware of. " Tell me 
 one thing, Creganne," cried he, as he shook my hand for the 
 last time, " we are, perhaps, never to meet again — life has so 
 many vicissitudes — tell me frankly, then, if your Mexican 
 history, your riches, and gems, and gold, your diamonds, 
 your rubies, your doubloons, and your moidores, are not all a 
 humbug, together with your imprisonment in Malaga, and all 
 its consequences ?" 
 
 " True, every word of it," said I, impressively. 
 
 " Come, come, now, your secret is safe with me. Be open 
 and above-board ; say honestly that the whole was a ' get up.' 
 I promise you fairly that, if you do, I'll have a higher value 
 for your talents at an episode, than I now place upon your 
 lost wealth and your countship to boot." 
 
 " I'm sorry for it," replied I. " There are few men whose 
 esteem I set more store by. If I could oblige you by becom- 
 ing a cheat, my regard for you might possibly overmaster my 
 better judgment ; but, unhappily, I am what I represent my- 
 self, and what I trust one day yet to convince you." "With 
 this we parted. As the diligence drove away, I could see 
 Paul still standing in the same place, evidently unable to re- 
 solve the difficult problem of my veraciousness. 
 
 And now I am approaching a chapter of my history whose 
 adventures and chances are alone a story in themselves. The 
 varied fortunes of a campaign in a strange land, with strange 
 enemies, new scenes and climate, of course were not without 
 incidents to diversify and interest them ; and although I 
 could probably select more passages of curious adventure 
 from this than from any other portion of my life, I am forced 
 
 G G 2
 
 -152 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 to pass by all in silence ; and for these reasons : first, the 
 narrative would lead me to a greater length than I have any 
 right to presume upon in this history, or to believe that my 
 reader would be a willing party to ; and, secondly, the recital 
 would entail the acquaintance with a vast variety of 
 characters, not one of whom ever again occurred to me in 
 life, and of whom, when I quitted Africa, their very names 
 never were heard by me more. And here I may be par- 
 doned for saying, that I have been sadly constrained in these 
 my Confessions, to avoid, upon the one hand, any mention 
 of those persons who merely exercised a passing influence on 
 my fortunes, and yet to show by what agencies of personal 
 acquaintanceship my character became formed and moulded. 
 In a novel, the world would seem to consist of only the very 
 characters introduced, or rather, the characters serve as ab- 
 stractions to represent certain qualities and passions of man- 
 k ind ; but in real life is this the case ? Nay, is it not pre- 
 cisely the reverse ? Do not the chance intimacies we form 
 in the steam-boat, or the diligence, very frequently leave deep 
 and lasting impressions behind them ? Are not phrases re- 
 membered, and words treasured up as axioms, that we have 
 heard passingly from those we are never to see again ? Of 
 how many of our strongest convictions the origin was mere 
 accident, — ideas dropped, like those seeds of distant plants 
 that are borne for thousands of miles upon the wind, and let 
 fall in some far away land to take root and fructify ? And 
 are these the agencies to be omitted when a man would give 
 a " confession" to the world ? Why are the letters of an in- 
 dividual his best biography, save as recording his judgment 
 upon passing events or people, with whom, in all likelihood, 
 he has little subsequent connection ? But enough of this — I 
 have said sufficient for apology to those who see the difficulty 
 of the case. To those w r ho do not, I have been prolix with- 
 out being profitable. 
 
 Of Africa, then, I must not speak. Three years of its 
 burning sun and parched soil — the life of bivouac and battle 
 had done the work of ten upon my constitution and appear- 
 ance. I was bronzed almost to a Moorish tint; a few 
 straggling hairs of grey showed themselves in my dark beard 
 and moustache, while emergencies and hazards of different 
 kinds had imparted a sterner character to my features, that 
 little resembled the careless gaiety of my earlier days. In 
 addition to this, I was wounded ; a sabre cut received in de- 
 fending the Prince from an attack of Arab horsemen, had 
 severed the muscles of my right arm; and although en-
 
 " MOI ET MON PRINCE." 4^3 
 
 couraged to believe that I should yet recover its use, I was, 
 for the time at least, totally disabled, and as incompetent to 
 wield a sword as a pen. A very flattering mention of me in 
 "general orders," my name recorded in a despatch, and the 
 ribbon of the " Legion," well rewarded me for these mishaps ; 
 and now, as a season of peace intervened, I was about to 
 return to France with the rank of " Chef d'Escadron," and the 
 fame of a distinguished officer. As the Prince, my master, 
 was to make a tour in the provinces before his return to 
 Paris, permission was given me to visit Italy, whither the 
 physician advised me to repair to recruit my strength, before 
 adventuring upon the trials of a more northern climate. The 
 " Due " overwhelmed me with kind protestations at parting, 
 and gave me a letter to the French Minister at Naples, 
 especially commending me to his friendship, and speaking of 
 my services in terms that my modesty cannot permit me to 
 repeat. Thus was Fortune once more my friend ; and could 
 I have but obliterated all memory of the past, and of those 
 fatal riches — the brief enjoyment of which had given an 
 impulse to all my desires — I might now have been well con- 
 tented. High character as a soldier, a certain rank in the 
 service, and the friendship of a Royal Prince, were not 
 trifling advantages to one who had often sued destiny with 
 success, even " in forma pauperis ;" still, the " great game" I 
 should have played, as the man of large fortune, was never 
 out of my thoughts, and in secret I resolved to return to 
 Mexico, and, as the phrase has it, " look after my affairs." 
 
 This determination grew more fixed the longer I considered 
 it ; and here I may remark, that the document to which the 
 King had appended his signature and approval, was a state- 
 ment of my claims on Spain, drawn up by myself, — one of those 
 hundred representations which I made in idle hours, to 
 while away time and amuse hope. If I was well aware that 
 the signature was obtained by a mere accident, and without 
 knowledge of the contents, I was not deterred from speculating 
 as to what useful purpose it might be employed; scruples of 
 conscience being of all things in the world, those I best knew 
 how to dispose of. 
 
 On reaching Naples, I discovered that the Envoy to whom 
 my letter was addressed had just been re-called, and in his 
 place a young Secretary of Embassy was officiating; one of 
 those admirably-dressed and inimitably-gloved young gentle- 
 men, whom France despatches to foreign countries as repre- 
 sentatives of her skill in neckcloths and waistcoats, and her 
 incomparable superiority in lacquered leather. Monsieur de
 
 454 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 Bussenac was a veritable type of Paris dandyism — vain, 
 empty, and conceited ; with considerable smartness in con- 
 versation, and unquestionable personal courage ; his life was 
 passed in abusing England, and affecting the most ludicrous 
 imitation of all that was English — in dress, equipage, and livery. 
 
 Although my name was not unknown to him, he received 
 me with the condescending courtesy the diplomatist usually 
 assumes in his intercourse with the soldier — protested his 
 regret that the gay season was over — that Naples was thin- 
 ning every day — that he hardly knew where, or to whom, to 
 present me. 
 
 I assured him that pleasure was not among the ambitions 
 of an invalid like myself; but next to the care of my health, 
 one of my objects in Naples was to press a claim upon the 
 Spanish Government, to which the residence of a Spanish 
 Minister of high rank at that court gave a favourable oppor- 
 tunity ; and with this preface I gave a brief history of my 
 loss and imprisonment. The young Charge" d' Affaires looked 
 horridly bored by my story, of which it was clear he only 
 heard a very small part; and when I concluded, he made a 
 few notes of my statement, and promised to see the Spanish 
 Ambassador upon it that very clay. 
 
 I believe that my experience is not a singular one ; but 
 from the moment that I announced myself as a person claiming 
 the aid of the "Mission," the doors of the Embassy were 
 hermetically sealed against me. If I called, " His Excellency" 
 (everything is Excellency to an embassy porter) was either in 
 conference with a colleague, or replying to a despatch, or 
 with the court. If I wrote, my answer was always a polite 
 acknowledgment of my note, and no more. Even when we 
 met passingly in the street, his salute was cold, and markedly 
 distant ; so that I began to suspect that either he had heard 
 something to my disadvantage among his colleagues, or that 
 he had received some hint respecting me. 
 
 I knew if I were to address the Due de St. Cloud on the 
 subject, that my essenced friend would at once receive a check, 
 and possibly a heavy reprimand ; but I was too proud to 
 descend to this, and resolved to right myself without calling 
 in the aid of others. With this intention I repaired one day 
 to the Mission, and having waited for some time, till I saw a 
 person leave the cabinet, from whom I learned that the Envoy 
 was at home, I advanced to the door. " Out, sir," said the 
 porter, barring the way. I pushed him aside, with the air of 
 one who was not to be trifled with, and opening the door, 
 walked in.
 
 " MOI ET MON PRINCE." 455 
 
 "Whether it was that the suddenness of my appearance 
 unmanned him, or that something in my manner showed 
 there was no time for further deception, he arose to receive 
 me, and handed me a chair. 
 
 " I have come, sir," said I, calmly but resolutely, "to ask, 
 if in the matter which I entrusted to your hands, any progress 
 has been made, or if I am still to be the patient recipient of 
 notes which tell me nothing ? " 
 
 " What if there be nothing to tell, sir ? " said the young 
 diplomatist, now recovering his self-possession, and standing 
 with his back to the fire, in the very easiest of attitudes. 
 
 " I will beg of you to be more explicit," said I. 
 
 "You shall not have to complain of me on that score, sir," 
 said he, with a most affected air of courtesy ; " and, as brevity 
 is the very essence of clearness, I may as well state, that on 
 representing the case of El Conde de Cregano to the Minister 
 of Spain, he very gravely assured me that I was inventing a 
 personage, for that no such name existed among the nobility 
 of his land. The dignity may be recognized in Mexico," 
 added he, " but the Mexican Minister is equally perverse, and 
 disclaims having so much as heard of you. I spoke of your 
 wealth, and great treasures, and they actually were rude 
 enough to laugh — not at you, sir — don't be angry — but at me. 
 The Spanish Ambassador, indeed, said that nothing was more 
 common than for Carlist agents of inferior station to assume 
 styles and titles which might entitle them to greater con- 
 sideration if taken prisoner ; and that in this wise you might 
 have succeeded to 3-our countship ; but that to real rank, he 
 persisted in asserting you had no claim whatever. This you 
 must allow, sir, is awkward." 
 
 " For you, certainly, it will prove so," said I, haughtily. 
 u You may rely upon it, sir, that your career as a diplomatist 
 will end where it begun. You have dared to insult one 
 whose slightest word could crush you, did he not feel that 
 such an exercise of influence would be ludicrously dispropor- 
 tioned to the object it was directed against. There, sir, — 
 there is a written statement of my claim, — there a full and 
 explicit demand for reparation ; and there, the signature of 
 your master the King, at the foot of it. You cannot be 
 ignorant of the hand, nor can you dare to pretend it is a 
 forgery." 
 
 If my insulting language had brought the flush of anger 
 to his cheek, this t; damning proof" completely overcame all 
 his presence of mind, and left him in a state of confusion 
 and perplexity that any one, save myself, must have pitied.
 
 456 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 " The writing is certainly in the King's hand," said he, 
 " and therefore I am obliged to concede the fact, that yom- 
 claim possesses features I was not previously aware of; with 
 your leave, then, I will lay this document before the Spanish 
 Minister " 
 
 "You shall do no such thing, sir," said I, haughtily ; " my 
 asserted right is just what it was before I showed you that 
 paper ; nor shall I stoop to any corroborative testimony of 
 my claim, even from the hand of royalty : " and with this 
 impertinent speech, I advanced towards the grate, and thrust 
 the paper into the fire, pressing it down into the blaze with 
 my foot, and watching till I saw it consumed. 
 
 The diplomatist watched me narrowly throughout this 
 brief proceeding, and I half feared that he had seen through 
 my stratagem, as he said, " Well, Count, as not a shadow of 
 doubt can exist now as to the authentic character of your 
 demand, the best course will be, to have a personal interview 
 with the Spanish Ambassador. He ' receives ' this evening 
 at his palace, and, with your leave, we will wait upon him 
 together. Of course the time and place will not admit of 
 any discussion of this claim : but you can be presented, — a 
 necessary preliminary to the intercourse that will follow." 
 
 This all looked marvellously like a trap ; but as any doubt 
 or indecision now would be ruin, I affected to be much pleased 
 with the proposal, and we parted.
 
 457 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WORLD.'* 
 
 It was not without considerable trepidation and great mis- 
 giving, that I awaited the evening. What subtlety might be 
 in store for me, I could not guess ; but it seemed clear that 
 the young secretary meditated a heavy vengeance upon me, 
 and would not lightly pardon the insult I had passed upon 
 him. 
 
 " I have it," thought I, after long and deep pondering; 
 u his plan is to introduce me into a great and crowded 
 assembly, with ministers, ambassadors, and generals, and 
 then, in the face of a distinguished company, to proclaim me 
 a cheat and impostor. He has, doubtless, the train all laid, 
 only waiting for the match; and as the outrage will be 
 inflicted conjointly and diplomatically, any demand for 
 personal satisfaction will be vain ; while a very slight hint at 
 the Prefecture would suffice to have me expelled from the 
 country." 
 
 Should I confront this danger, or hazard the risk of such 
 an exposure ; or should I suffer judgment to be given against 
 me by default ? What a trying alternative ! In the one case, 
 a peril the greater for its shadowy ill-defined consequences ; 
 in the other, certain and irretrievable disgrace ! How often 
 did I curse my ambitious yearning after wealth, that had not 
 left me contented with my own fortune ; the hard-won, but 
 incontestable rewards of personal distinction. As the gallant- 
 officer who had gained each step upon the field of battle, and 
 whose services had claimed the especial notice of his prince, 
 I ought to have rested satisfied. 
 
 My promotion would have been certain and rapid, and what 
 higher condition should I dare to aspire to than the command 
 of a French regiment, or possibly some brilliant staff appoint- 
 ment ! Why will not men look downward as they climb the 
 mountain of life, and see the humble abyss from which they 
 have issued ? Were they but to do so, how many would be 
 convinced that they had done enough, and not risk all by 
 striving to mount higher ! The son of the poor peasant a
 
 458 TEE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 General of Division ! — one among that decorated group sur- 
 rounding the sovereign of a great nation ! was not this 
 sufficient, and so much assuredly was within my reach, 
 merely by length of life, and the ordinary routine of events ! 
 and yet all this must I jeopardize for the sake of gold. And 
 now what course should I adopt? My whole philosophy 
 through life had been comprised in that one word which 
 summed up all Marshal Blucher's "tactics," — "Forwards ! " 
 It had sufficed for me in many a trying emergency, — it had 
 cut the black knot of many a tangle ; — should I not still 
 abide by it ? Of course. This was not the moment to 
 abandon the bold policy. 
 
 From the " host of mine inn " I learned that the Spanish 
 minister, whose receptions were little less splendid than those 
 of the court itself, occupied a position which in countries 
 of more rigid morality, would have left his salons less 
 crowded. In fact it was asserted that he owed his eminent 
 station to his having consented to marry a lady, who had 
 once been the rival of royalty itself in Spain, and whose 
 banishment had been thus secured. Being still in the full 
 pride of her beauty, and possessing great wealth, the 
 *' scandal" only added to her claim, in a society where 
 notoriety of any kind is regarded as a distinction. 
 
 She was the reigning belle of the capital. Her word was 
 law on every theme of fashion and taste ; her opinions exerted 
 a considerable influence on matters of high political bearing; 
 and despite the ambiguity of her position, she was the arbi- 
 tress of every claim to admission into that society which 
 arrogated to itself the name of being "the best." 
 
 It is needless to say that a station of the kind engenders a 
 species of tyranny to which the world responds by inventing 
 all manner of stories and strange histories ; and thus the 
 Marchesa de la Norada was by some proclaimed a natural 
 daughter of the Emperor Napoleon, — by others, of an English 
 Royal Duke. She was a widow, and the wife of half-a-dozen 
 personages together. There was not an European court into 
 which she had not brought discord, — not a cabinet where she 
 had not sown intrigue. Her beauty had seduced, her gold 
 corrupted, and her wiles entrapped, half the great statesmen 
 of the age ; while there was scarcely a crime within the red 
 catalogue of the law, that was not laid to her charge ; and 
 yet, with all these allegations against her, she was more sove- 
 reign in that capital than the rightful queen of the land. 
 This was the presence into which I was to be introduced 
 to-night, and — I frankly own it — I would have rather con*
 
 A SOIREE IN TEE " GEEAT WCELD." 459 
 
 fronted the searching scrutiny of the most penetrating of 
 men, than meet the careless, half-bestowed glances of that 
 woman ! nor was it at all unlikely that to such a test they 
 wished now to subject me and my pretensions. 
 
 It is far easier for many men to confront a personal danger, 
 the peril of life or limb, than to meet the trying difficulty of a 
 slight before the world. To myself the former would be as 
 nothing in comparison. I could face any amount of peril in 
 preference to the risk of a public mark of depreciation, and 
 from a woman, too ! where redress was as impossible, as 
 reply was useless. 
 
 It was already midnight ere I could muster courage to set 
 out, — not that the hour was inappropriate, for the Marchesa's 
 receptions only began when the opera was over. As I drove 
 along the Chiaia, the crowd of carriages told that this was a 
 night of more than ordinary attraction, and more than one 
 equipage of the Court passed by, showing that some members 
 of the royal family would be present. This again terrified 
 me. Was royalty to be among the witnesses of my shame ? 
 When a man's thoughts do take the turn of self-tormenting, 
 what ingenuity will they not exhibit, — what astonishing 
 resources of annoyance ! I am convinced that my greatest 
 enemy in life could never have inflicted a tenth part of that 
 suffering which now I experienced from my own fancies ! 
 Among the thoughts which crossed my mind, one kept con- 
 tinually recurring, and made an impression that my memory 
 will probably never lose, — it was my doubt whether I ought 
 not to return and exchange my uniform for plain clothes, and 
 thus avoid exposing the epaulette of a French officer, and the 
 proud cordon I wore, to the chances of open insult. 
 
 This question was yet unsolved in my mind, as I drove into 
 the court-yard of the palace. The turmoil and confusion of 
 the scene — carriages interlocked, poles smashing panels, and 
 horses rearing — was an actual relief to me, and I would have 
 felt a heart-warm gratitude for any accident that might have 
 upset half the company, and broken up the reception in dis- 
 order. Such " good-luck " was, however, not in store for 
 me. My caleche at length drew up at the door, and I handed 
 my card with my name to the major domo, who stood at the 
 top of the stairs with an army of liveried lacqueys around 
 him. "Le Comte de Creganne!" resounded now through 
 the spacious anti-chamber, and the voices of others took it 
 up, and the echo without repeated it, every syllable falling 
 upon my heart like the bang of a death-bell ! 
 
 Although our progress was soon arrested by the dense
 
 4C0 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CBEGAN. 
 
 crowd, and all chance of moving farther, for a time at least, 
 out of the question, the lacquey continued to call my name 
 aloud, with what I deemed a most needless importunity of 
 announcement. At last he ceased, leaving me to the enjoy- 
 ment of a momentary tranquillity in mixing with the crowd. 
 It was indeed but momentary; for the young attache had 
 made his way through the throng, and whispered in my ear, 
 " Let us retire this way, and I'll lead you by another passage, 
 otherwise you will ran a great risk of never being presented 
 to the Marchesa." I could have told him that I would 
 have borne even this misfortune like a man, but I did not, 
 and merely followed him as he led the way through a suite 
 of rooms, of which only one was occupied, and that by a 
 card-party. 
 
 The buzz and hum of voices apprised me that we were 
 again approaching the company, and suddenly, on opening 
 a door, we found ourselves in a small but gorgeously- 
 furnished chamber, where three or four ladies and about a 
 dozen men were assembled, while the main body of the guests 
 passed through in defile, each stopping to salute and say a 
 few words to a lady, who did the honours of the reception. 
 As her back was towards me, I could only mark that she was 
 tall, and of an air that was queenly in state and dignity. 
 The stars and decorations around her showed that some of 
 the party were princes of the blood, and others, ambassadors 
 and ministers of state. 
 
 " Wait where you are," whispered my companion; and he 
 moved forward and entered the crowd. I stood an eager 
 spectator of the scene, in which, despite all my anxieties, I 
 could not but feel interested. It was the first great review 
 I had ever witnessed of that fashionable world, whose recog- 
 nition and acceptance I so ardently coveted. Its slightest 
 gestures, its least and most insignificant observances, were all 
 matters of study to me. Every deep reverence, each motion 
 of respectful courtesy, were things to mark and imitate, and I 
 was storing up many a hint for future guidance, when I 
 observed that a gentleman, whom 1 had rightly conjectured 
 to be a royal prince, appeared to press some remark upon the 
 " Marchesa," to which at last she replied, " I believe I must 
 follow your Royal Highness's counsel, and take a few minutes' 
 rest ;" and so saying, she dropped back from the group, and 
 retired within a few paces of where I stood. 
 
 " May I beg you to hand that chair, sir," said the Prince 
 to nie, and in a tone in which I own a certain haughtiness 
 seemed to rebuke my want of thought fulness in not present-
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GEEAT WORLD. " 4G1 
 
 ing it unbidden. I hastened to perform this service. The 
 lady turned to acknowledge it; our eyes met, and we stood 
 fixed and rooted to the spot, each speechless and pale 
 with emotion. In those few seconds I felt as if I had lived 
 years. 
 
 " La Senhora Dias," murmured I unconsciously to myself. 
 
 " Lupo ! " ejaculated she, as if in answer, and she trembled 
 from head to foot. 
 
 " You have really over-exerted yourself," said the prince, as 
 taking her hand he pressed her down into a seat. 
 
 Her eyes never quitted me for an instant, and the expres- 
 sion of her feature became almost that of agonizing pain as 
 she motioned me to approach her. " Is it possible that I see 
 
 before me ray old friend the Duke of ? " She stopped, 
 
 and with a look of entreaty I can never forget, intimated that 
 I should fill up the blank. 
 
 " Le Comte de Creganne, Madame," said I, coming to the 
 rescue, " who is but too happy to find himself remembered 
 by the Marchesa de la Norada." 
 
 " Very true, Comte ; I was confounding you with your 
 constant companion the Duke de la Breanza ; I hope he is 
 well, and the dear duchess — and you — when did you arrive 
 from the Brazils ? I trust very lately, or you have treated 
 me shamefully." 
 
 Rapidly as these words were uttered, they were enough to 
 give me the " consigne " of what rank my intimate friends 
 held, in what class we met, and from whence I came. While 
 I replied to her questions, she motioned me to a seat beside 
 her, and with a smile and a courteous apology to the prince 
 for devoting herself to the old friend who had so unexpect- 
 edly presented himself, she dropped her voice to a whisper, 
 and said, " Not now, nor here, but to-morrow we will speak 
 together." 
 
 "Enough," said I, rapidly; "I am your old and esteemed 
 friend the Comte de Creganne ; you are not compromised in 
 calling me so." 
 
 " Nor can your memory fail to recall me as a Lady of 
 Honour at the Brazilian court! " 
 
 And now some of the company had gathered around us, to 
 most of whom she presented me, always adding some few 
 courteous expressions, indicative of our ancient friendship, 
 and of the pleasure she felt at our unexpected meeting. If I 
 have occasionally given way to those erratic flights of fancy 
 which led me to believe myself a scion of a noble house, well 
 born and nurtured, with wealth at my command and a high
 
 462 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEE3AN. 
 
 station in store, all these delusions were nothing to the crea- 
 tive efforts of her imagination, who commenced by reminding 
 me of a hundred people who never existed, and places and 
 incidents which were all as unreal. How we did bewail the 
 death of some, rejoice over the good fortune of other " dear, 
 dear friends," who had never breathed ! and with what plea- 
 sant laughter we remembered eccentricities and oddities that 
 once used to amuse us so much ! 
 
 Never can I forget the look of astonishment of the young 
 attache as he came up and found me seated on the ottoman 
 beside the Marchesa, with her pet spaniel upon my lap, while 
 my whole air was redolent of that triumphant expression so 
 unmistakably denoting security. 
 
 " I perceive," said he, with difficulty repressing his ill- 
 humour, " that Madame la Marchesa is acquainted with the 
 Comte de Creganne." 
 
 " For many years, sir, the Comte and I have known each 
 other, and I have only to own my surprise that none of my 
 friends at Naples ever mentioned to me the arrival of one in 
 every way so distinguished — but here is the Marquese; I 
 must present you, Comte ; " so saying, she introduced me to 
 a tall, pompous-looking, elderly gentleman, who, it is but fair 
 to add, did not evince half so much satisfaction at sight of 
 me as his wife showed. And now was I the lion of the 
 evening. I, who had walked the Chiaia every day for weeks 
 back without notice or recognition, and who might, had the 
 idea occurred to me — have fallen down and died without one 
 to pity me — I became all of a sudden a most " interesting 
 personage ! " My African campaign was exalted into a per- 
 fect career of glory, and even my modesty was pushed hard to 
 accept the praises most lavishly bestowed upon acts of heroism 
 of which I had not even heard. 
 
 The Duke of Yallabretta, the younger brother of the king, 
 was certain he had often heard of me from his " friend De 
 St. Cloud." He was quite positive that I was the officer of 
 dragoons who, with one squadron of horse, captured " a 
 Smala " defended by twelve hundred Arabs, while fully one 
 half of the illustrious cruelties of the Oran war was gener- 
 ously laid to my charge. A dash of atrocity adds immensely 
 to the charm of heroism in Italian estimation ; and so I dis- 
 covered that various acts of roasting prisoners, sending a 
 cargo of noses to Toulon, and such like, were exceedingly 
 popular with the ladies, who regarded me as a modern 
 " Bayard." 
 
 Not all these sensations of triumph, however, gave me one
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WORLD." 463 
 
 half the pleasure that I felt in trampling upon the little 
 French attache, whom I persecuted with a proud disdain that 
 nearly drove him mad. All my ignorance of ]N"eopolitan 
 society, the obscurity in which I had lived hitherto, I laid at 
 his door. I deplored most feelingly to the prince the ineffi- 
 cient mode in which we were represented at his court, and 
 promised to use my influence in effecting a change. I fear 
 my disposition is not so angelic as I usually conceive it, for I 
 actually taxed my ingenuity for little subjects of attack against 
 the unlucky diplomatist, and saw him at length retire from 
 the salons, crushed, crest-fallen, and miserable. 
 
 Another consideration, perhaps, added venom to my malig- 
 nity ; I knew not how short-lived might be my power, and 
 determined to " make my running while the course was free." 
 The vicissitudes of fortune had often reversed in one short 
 day all the prospect I trusted to be the most stable and cer- 
 tain ; and for the future I was fully resolved never to forego 
 the stroke to-day, for which my arm might be too weak to- 
 morrow. As I saw him depart, I felt like a naval hero when 
 his enemy has struck, and in the pride of victory abandoned 
 myself to pleasure. 
 
 If the Marchesa watched me at first with an uneasy and 
 anxious eye, doubtful, perhaps, how I should acquit myself 
 in that high and polished world, I soon saw that her fears 
 were allayed as she saw the easy quietude of my manner, 
 and that tranquil self possession which is supposed to be 
 only acquired by long admixture with the world of fashion. 
 It was evident, too, that if any failure on my part would 
 entail disgrace, success was just as certain to do her honour 
 and credit, since I was a strong rebutting evidence against 
 all those who denied that the Marchesa was ever known or 
 recognized before in the high circles of a court. 
 
 " To-morrow, at noon," said she, as I made my bow at 
 parting ; and it was not likely I should forget the appoint- 
 ment. 
 
 It was with very different feelings I drove up to the palace 
 of the Marchesa on the day following, from those I had ex- 
 perienced on approaching it on the evening of the reception ; 
 nor was I long without perceiving that my confidence was 
 well founded. The Groom of the Chambers received me with 
 his most bland courtesy, and by his manner showed that he 
 expected my arrival. 
 
 Preceding me through a suite of rooms whose magnificence 
 I Lr.id not time to observe on the previous evening, he ushered 
 me into a small chamber leading into a conservatory, from
 
 4(54 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 which the view extended over the wide Bay of Naples, and 
 presented Vesuvius from base to summit. As I was left by 
 myself here for some minutes, I had leisure to notice the 
 varied elegance by which I was surrounded. Rare plants and 
 flowers, in jars of costly porcelain ; alabaster statues and rich 
 bronzes, appeared amid the clustering foliage ; and in the 
 midst of all, two tiny swans, of the rare breed of Morocco, 
 lay tranquilly in a little basin, whose water spouted from a 
 silver fountain of most elaborate workmanship. 
 
 While yet gazing on the tasteful objects around, the Mar- 
 chesa had entered, and so noiselessly, that she was at my side 
 ere I knew it. Paler than on the previous evening, she looked 
 even handsomer : but in the sunken eye and the wearied ex- 
 pression of the mouth, I could see that she had passed a 
 sleepless night. 
 
 Having taken a seat upon a sofa, and motioned me to seat 
 myself beside her, she looked fixedly at me for several minutes 
 without a word : at last, in a voice of deep feeling, she said, 
 "Do you remember the pledge with which we parted? do 
 you recollect the oath by which you bound yourself? " 
 
 " Perfectly, Senhora ! " said I ; " nor was I aware yester- 
 day, till the very moment of our meeting, in whose presence 
 I was standing." 
 
 " But you had heard of me here ? " 
 
 " Only as the Marchesa de la Norada — not as the Senhora." 
 
 " Hush ! let that name never escape your lips ; I believe 
 you and trust you. The commission I gave you was well 
 and faithfully executed : were it otherwise, and did I deem 
 you false, it would not be difficult for me to rid myself of the 
 embarrassment. We live in a city where such things are well 
 understood." My blood ran cold at this threat, for I remem- 
 bered the accusation which hung over her in Mexico : she saw 
 what was passing in my mind, and added, " You have nothing 
 to fear ; we shall be good friends while you remain here ; but 
 that time must be brief. I cannot, I will not, live a life of 
 terror ; a moment of impatience, an unguarded word, a hasty 
 expression of yours might compromise me, and then — When 
 can you leave Naples ? " 
 
 " To-morrow — to-day, if you desire it." 
 
 " That would be too hurried," she said, thoughtfully. " We 
 must not encourage suspicion. Why are you here ? " 
 
 I gave the restoration of my health as the reason, and then 
 alluded to the circumstances of my Spanish claim, which 1 
 had hoped Naples would have proved a suitable place for 
 pressing.
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WORLD." 465 
 
 " Who knows of this transaction ? what evidence have you 
 of its truth ? " said she, hurriedly. 
 
 " The minister by whose order I was imprisoned, the Go- 
 vernor of Malaga, his official underlings, all know of it." 
 
 " Enough. Now, by whom was the information given on 
 which you were arrested ? " 
 
 " A man who called himself the Consul at Campecho, and 
 to whose early history I am disposed to suspect I have the 
 clue; but to whom, unfortunately, in a hasty moment, I be- 
 trayed that secret knowledge." 
 
 " And thus he dreads and hates you," said she, fixing her 
 dark eyes sternly on me. 
 
 " He rather fears me without reason," said I. a 
 
 " But still you would have traded on that fear had it 
 served your purpose?" reiterated she, with a pointedness 
 that showed how the application to her own case was upper- 
 most in her thoughts. 
 
 " You are less than just to me, Senhora ! " said I, proudly. 
 " A variety of circumstances led me to connect this man with 
 a very unhappy incident which took place years ago in Eng- 
 land, and wherein his conduct — supposing him to be the same 
 — was base to the last degree. This suspicion I was weak 
 enough to let escape me. His enmity was the consequence, 
 and from it followed all the misfortunes I have suffered." 
 
 " Was he a murderer?" 
 
 "No— not that," 
 
 " Nor a forger ? for methinks in English esteem such is 
 the parallel offence." 
 
 " In the case I speak of forgery was the least of his crimes 
 — he seduced the wife of his friend and benefactor." 
 
 " Oh, the wretch ! " exclaimed she, with a derisive smile, 
 that gave her features— beautiful as they were — an almost 
 demoniac expression. " I trust he never prospered after such 
 iniquity." 
 
 Not heeding the tone of sneer in which she uttered this, I 
 replied, " You are right, Senhora ; he lived a life of terror 
 and misery. He was a coward ; and the man he had injured 
 never ceased to track him from country to country. Over 
 sea and land he followed him ; the thirst for vengeance 
 stimulating a heart dead to every other emotion. Accident, 
 when I was a mere boy, brought me into close relation with 
 poor Broughton." 
 
 " With whom ? " said she, grasping my wrist, while her 
 eyes strained till the very blood started in them. 
 
 " Sir Dudley Broughton," said I; but the words were not 
 
 H H
 
 468 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CHEGAN. 
 
 out ere she fell senseless on the floor. I raised her and placed 
 her on a sofa ; and then dipping her handkerchief in the 
 fountain, "bathed her temples and her lips. But she gave no 
 sign of returning animation ; her arms dropped powerless at 
 either side. She did not even seem to breathe. What was I 
 to do ? I knew not where to find a bell to summon the 
 servants, even should I dare to leave her. In my excitement 
 I believed that she was dead, and that I had killed her ; and 
 then there darted through my brain the terrible conviction 
 that this could be no other than Lady Broughton herself — 
 the unhappy Lydia Delmar. With a long-drawn sigh she at 
 length awoke, and, opening her eyes, looked up at me. A 
 convulsive shudder speedily followed, and she closed them 
 again, and remained still, with her hands clasped tightly 
 over her heart. 
 
 " Have I been dreaming a terrible dream," said she at last, 
 in a weak and broken voice, " or are my dreadful thoughts 
 realities ? Tell me of what were we speaking ?" 
 
 I did not answer. I could not tell her of the sad theme, 
 nor did I dare to deceive her. In this dilemma I became 
 silent ; but my confusion did not escape her, and with a 
 voice, every syllable of which struck deep into my heart, she 
 said, " Is this secret your own, or have you ever revealed it 
 to another ? " 
 
 " I have never told it, nor indeed, till now, was the full 
 mystery known to myself." 
 
 These few words, which served to confirm her own waver- 
 ing terrors, at the same time that they showed how she her- 
 self had betrayed her dreadful secret, increased her suffering, 
 and for a space she seemed overwhelmed by affliction. 
 
 "Let us speak of this no more," said she at last, in the 
 same hurried voice which once before had made me suspect 
 the soundness of her intellect. " I cannot, I dare not, trust 
 myself to dwell upon this theme ; nor will I suffer any one to 
 usurp an ascendency over me from terror. ~No, sir ; you 
 shall not deceive yourself by such a delusion. I have friends — 
 great and powerful friends — who will protect me. I have 
 money, and can buy the aid that outstrips patronage. Be- 
 ware, then, how you threaten me ! " 
 
 " You are unjust to me, lady," said I, calmly, but resolutely. 
 " I never meant to threaten. A mere accident has put me in 
 possession of a secret which, while you live, none shall ever 
 hear from my lips ; nor need you fear any allusion to it will 
 ever escape me, to yourself." 
 
 " Then let us part. Let us see each other no more," said
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WOULD." 467 
 
 she, rising, and approaching a small ivory cabinet, which she 
 unlocked. " See, here is enough to satisfy the desire for 
 mere money, if your heart be so set upon wealth that it has 
 no other idol. Take these, and these, and these. They are 
 gems of price, and taken from a royal crown. That necklace 
 of rubies once graced the shoulders of an empress ; and here 
 are rings, whose value will buy long years of dissipation and 
 excess." 
 
 " 1 must interrupt you, Senhora," said I, offended at the 
 tone she assumed towards me. " There is no need to * buy me 
 off ; ' I am ready to take my leave — to quit Naples within an 
 hour — and I pledge myself that we shall never meet again, 
 or if we do, as utter strangers to each other." 
 
 "These were the terms of our contract once before," said 
 she, fixing her gaze steadfastly on me. 
 
 " And by whom broken, and how ? " said I. 
 
 "True — too true!" exclaimed she, in a voice of deep 
 emotion. " Fate, that did this, has doubtless other punish- 
 ments in store for me ! It is plain, then, that I must trust 
 you — I, who can feel confidence in none ! " 
 
 " I do not seek for it, Senhora," replied I ; " my offer is to 
 leave this city, where already I see but little prospect of 
 urging my suit with success. Why should we meet again in 
 life, when both of us are travelling opposite roads ? " 
 
 " This suit of yours is, then, a real demand, founded upon 
 an actual loss, — matter of fact throughout ? " This, although 
 said in these few words, had nothing offensive in its tone, and 
 I replied by an assurance of my good faith and veracity. 
 
 " Send me the memorial this evening ; to-morrow, or the 
 day after at farthest, you shall have an answer. As for your 
 demand upon the Havannah, the banker is my own, and I 
 can answer for your being honourably dealt with ; all your 
 property in his keeping, I will guarantee." 
 
 " If that be so, Senhora, I am indifferent about the Spanish 
 Minister's reply ; I shall have wealth more than enough for 
 all my desires without him." 
 
 "How do you call yourself in these papers?" asked she, 
 hurriedly. 
 
 " El Conde de Cregano." 
 
 " And you were known by that title in Mexico ? " 
 
 " Certainly ; I have no other." 
 
 She stared at me fixedly for a minute or two, and then 
 muttered to herself, " By what pretension should I question 
 ins rank! " then turning to me, said, " Senhor el Conde de 
 Cregano, I receive the world at large, every evening save 
 
 H h 2
 
 468 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CRECAN. 
 
 Saturday ; that night I reserve for my friends. Come as often 
 as you can during the week, but never omit a Saturday ; visit 
 me at the opera frequently ; speak to me always when we 
 meet in public places ; be my intimate friend, in fact, but not 
 more — you have too much tact to be my admirer." With 
 this she gave me her hand, which I pressed respectfully to 
 my lips, and bowing deeply, moved towards the door. 
 
 " We understand each other/' said she, calmly. 
 
 " Perfectly, madame," replied I. 
 
 " Then never say, sir," resumed she, in a stern, determined 
 voice, " never say that you are not an adventurer ; never dare 
 to tell me that one who so quickly assumes a part is not a 
 professed actor on the great boards of life — ready to take the 
 character assigned him, be it broad farce or comedy — ay, or 
 even tragedy, if needs were. Do not deny or seek to contra- 
 dict me ; I did not care that your countship had fourteen 
 quarterings behind it, — nay, I like you even better as you are. 
 There, now you look natural and at your ease. Adieu, Mon- 
 sieur le Comte." 
 
 " Adieu, Madame la Marquise," said I, putting as much 
 irony into my accent as might repay her, and then we parted. 
 Whatever her feelings, I know not ; mine, I own, were 
 scarcely of the pleasantest ; prompting me to make my resi- 
 dence at Naples as brief as might be, and to see no more of 
 my " dear friend of former years " than was absolutely indis- 
 pensable. 
 
 Were I to dwell upon those portions of my history which 
 afforded me the highest amount of enjoyment, while passing 
 I might linger upon the weeks I spent in Naples, as perhaps 
 the very pleasantest of my life. The world of fashion was new 
 to me. All those fascinations to which habit renders men 
 either apathetic or indifferent, came fresh upon me. The out- 
 ward show of splendour in dress and jewels, gorgeous saloons, 
 rare flowers, exquisite pictures and statues, soon cease to 
 astonish and amaze ; but it takes a long while ere the charm 
 of intercourse with really brilliant society begins to wear off ; 
 and ere a man recognizes a degree of sameness in the pleasures 
 and amusements of his fashionable friends. 
 
 I am not sure that the society which I frequented had not 
 more power of captivation than a more rigidly scrupulous 
 circle ; since, while exacting all the observances of polished 
 life, it yet admitted a degree of liberty, almost of familiarity, 
 among its members, that I have since remarked is not com- 
 mon in the wider intercourse of the world. 
 
 Pretty women were not ashamed to look their best, and
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WORLD." 4G9 
 
 dress tlie most becomingly ; witty men were not chary of 
 their smartness ; courtiers were confidential ; statesmen were 
 candid ; men of the world unbent, as if in a circle where their 
 freedom would not be misinterpreted, and said a hundred 
 things that in other societies would have been, to say the 
 least, indiscreet. It is true that individuals were more dis- 
 cussed than events, and that characters, not facts, formed the 
 staple of the talk : but how amusing was it — what stores of 
 anecdote were opened ; what strange histories, and curious 
 illustrations of life unfolded. Pretension was ridiculed, vul- 
 garity exposed, stupidity laughed at, awkwardness criticized, 
 and want of tact condemned with most unsparing ridicule ; 
 but, I am bound to own, that there were few commendations 
 reserved for virtuous conduct or honourable action. The 
 debtor side of the account was full, but the credit had not an 
 item on it! 
 
 No rank, however exalted, could escape the judgments of 
 a " set," who, with all the exclusiveness of fashion, affected a 
 most democratic spirit of equality. It was, however, a " Com- 
 munism " that assumed to start on the basis of every one 
 having at least ten thousand a year — not so bad a theory, 
 were it only practicable. 
 
 I must not linger longer on this subject, on which I have 
 only touched to remark that here it was where I acquired that 
 knowledge of forms and conventionalities which constitute the 
 tactique of life: those "gambits" and " openings," to use a 
 chess phrase, by which you at once obtain an advantage over 
 an equal adversary, and secure yourself against injury with 
 even a superior player. I learned when to use an illustration 
 or a story ; when to become a mere listener; how to assist a 
 slow man without his detecting the aid ; and how to disclose 
 a discussion with an epigram ; and all this without the faintest 
 show of premeditation or the very slightest sign of forethought. 
 While my education as a man of the world was progressing, 
 my material fortune was also advancing. The Spanish Ambas- 
 sador, who had referred my case to his court, ascertained that 
 I had been most infamously treated ; that not alone my rank 
 and fortune were indisputable, but that the individual on 
 whose affirmation I was arrested was himself a Carlist spy, 
 and the noted agent of a great Northern power. In fact, 
 so manifold were his infractions against law, in every country 
 in Europe, that the only difficulty was to what particular 
 power to hand him over, so many laying claim to the honour 
 of punishing him. In the end, Naples obtained this distinc- 
 tion ! and at the very period I was enjoying the luxurious
 
 470 TEE CONFESSIONS OF CON CKEGAN. 
 
 pleasures of that capital, " my friend, the Consul," was ex- 
 panding his chest and his faculties in the less captivating' 
 career of a galley-slave. "Fortune is just," .said I, as I 
 arranged my cravat at the window which overlooked the 
 Bay, on whose glassy surface some half-dozen boats moved 
 sluggishly, as the red and yellow rowers kept time to the 
 " stroke " by the clanking of their fetters. 
 
 Governments move slowly — particularly when the case is 
 one of refunding a previous spoliation ; meanwhile they 
 admitted my claim ; and by way of keeping me in good- 
 humour, they sent me a cross of the Order of Isabella, of the 
 first class — a very gratifying recognition of my noble birth 
 and merits. My intimacy with the Duke of Medina — the 
 brother of the king — obtained for me the lieapolitan Order j. 
 and thus was I decorated with three very distinguished cor- 
 dons, which I wore in my button-hole as a "tricolour," — a 
 fact insignificant in itself ; but I mention it here, as many of 
 my imitators have since that affected to be the inventors of 
 the method. 
 
 Periods of expectancy are generally deemed great trials,, 
 making inroads upon the health, and sapping the energies of 
 the mind. Such was not my case here; I waited like one- 
 who loiters in some delicious garden, surrounded with bloom- 
 ing flowers and sweet odours. The delays and procrastina- 
 tions of cabinets — for which the most profuse apologies were 
 made — I bore with a degree of calm equanimity that won for 
 me the appellation of a most finished gentleman ; and thus- 
 was I almost unconsciously perfecting myself in that grand 
 element of breeding whose triumph is " impassiveness." 
 
 There were moments when I actually dreaded the termina- 
 tion of my cause, so agreeable had Naples become to me ; but 
 as the rich gamester is certain to win, while the poor player 
 is luckless ever, successes crowded on me, because I was half 
 indifferent to them. 
 
 Six months had now nearly elapsed since my arrival at 
 Naples, and I was paying a morning visit to the Marchesa. 
 whom I was engaged to accompany to a grand dejeuner, to 
 be given on board of a British ship of war in the Bay. It 
 was one of those gorgeous days of brilliant colouring, which, 
 in Italy, seem to exaggerate the effect of landscape, and defy 
 all efforts of art to imitate ; the scene was heightened, too,, 
 by the objects moving across the bay. The various boats, 
 with ensigns floating and music playing — the swift " La- 
 teeners" skimming along the glassy surface, almost without 
 a breath of wind — and then the great three-decker herself,
 
 A SOIREE IN THE "GREAT WORLD. 4(1 
 
 in all the pride of her majestic size, with flags of every nation 
 fluttering from her halyards, were splendid adjuncts to the 
 picture. 
 
 " Here are three letters for you, Monsiuer le Comte," said 
 the Marchesa ; " they came in the Spanish Minister's bag this 
 morning ; but I suppose there is nothing sufficiently interest- 
 ing in them to withdraw your thoughts from that magnificent 
 panorama." 
 
 Of course I affected concurrence in the sentiment, and 
 thrust them into my pocket with assumed indifference. The 
 room soon after filled with arriving visitors, and among the 
 rest the Spanish Ambassador. 
 
 "Ha, Senhor Conde," said he, approaching me ; " let me 
 offer my warmest felicitations. How happy am I to be the 
 means through which your good tidings have reached you ! " 
 
 I bowed, smiled, and seemed charmed, without the slightest 
 notion wherein lay my. good fortune. His practised eye, 
 however, soon detected my game, and he said, " You have 
 received your letters, I hope ? " 
 
 II Yes," replied I, carelessly; " the Marchesa has been kind 
 enough to give them to me." 
 
 " And you have read them. ? " asked he again. 
 
 " Not yet," said I ; "I make it a rule never to risk the 
 pleasure of a happy day by opening a letter at hazard." 
 
 " What if its contents were but to increase the enjoyment ; 
 what if the tidings were to fill up the very measure of your 
 wishes, Senhor? " 
 
 " In that case," rejoined I, as coldly as before, " they will 
 be very acceptable to-morrow morning ; and thus I shall have 
 gained two days of happiness, vice one." 
 
 "Admirable philosophy, indeed," said he. " Still I must 
 be pardoned for interfering with its exercise. I shall there- 
 fore take upon me to inform the honourable company that 
 her Majesty, my royal mistress, has named the Count de 
 Cregano a Grand Cordon of the Fleece, in consideration of 
 his distinguished services in arranging the Mexican debt ; 
 that all his property, taken from him under a false and trai- 
 torous imputation, shall be at once restored ; that any addi- 
 tional recompense he may demand for his imprisonment and 
 other inconveniences incurred, shall be immediately accorded; 
 and that all Envoys and Ministers of the Court of Spain are 
 instructed to receive the Count de Cregano with every honour 
 and distinction, affording him every protection, and facili- 
 tating him in the prosecution of any project in which he may 
 be interested."
 
 472 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 This speech, delivered in a very imposing manner, was fol- 
 lowed by a round of felicitation from the assembled company, 
 the Marchesa offering me her hand in congratulation, and 
 whispering the words, " How soon ? " 
 
 " To-morrow, if I must," replied I, sorrowfully. 
 
 " To-morrow be it," said she, and turned away hastily. 
 
 The information conveyed to me by the Ambassador was 
 what formed the substance of two of the letters : the third I 
 contrived to peep into unobserved, was a formal notification 
 from the Havannah that my bills for the amount in the bankers' 
 hands would be accepted and negotiated at a well-known 
 house in Paris. Thus, then, and in one moment, was I once 
 more rich — the possessor of immense wealth, and not alone 
 of mere fortune, but of all the honours and dignities which 
 can grace and adorn it. Of course I became the hero of the 
 day. To me was entrusted the arm of the Marchesa as we 
 descended to the pier ; to me was accorded the seat of honour 
 beside her in the boat. All the pleasant flatteries that are 
 reserved for rich men were heaped upon me, and I felt that life 
 had but one prize more with which to fill up the most ambi- 
 tious of my cravings. That, alas ! could never be — Donna 
 Maria was the wife of another ; and thus should I learn that 
 complete happiness is never to be the lot of any mere mortal! 
 
 The fete on board the Tariffa was very splendid ; but it had 
 another charm still more rarely met with, — I mean that 
 hearty cordiality which graces every entertainment where 
 British sailors are the hosts, their courtesy being blended 
 with an actual warmth of hospitality that wins even upon 
 the coldest guest, and gives a tone of friendliness to the most 
 promiscuous gathering. 
 
 Every one appeared to experience the influence of this pecu- 
 liar magic, and all gave way to the impulse that suggested 
 the fullest enjoyment of the hour. 
 
 To waltzes had succeeded the manolo and the bolero ; dances 
 of the wild regions of Calabria and Sicily were performed by 
 men of noble birth, the petty princes of those countries ; and 
 all were vying who should introduce something new and 
 unknown to the rest, when, suddenly, the distant sound of 
 the church bells of the city was borne along the water, 
 announcing the " Vinti quatro," as it is called — the hour of 
 evening prayer. In a moment a sudden air of devotional 
 seriousness spread itself over the company, and most bent 
 their heads in pious reverence while they recited to them- 
 selves the words of the " Angelus." If there seemed, to the 
 sense of English Protestantism, something strange and un-
 
 A SOIREE IN THE "GREAT WORLD." 473 
 
 natural in this great revulsion, there was a degree of earnest- 
 ness and sincerity in the features of the worshippers that 
 showed their piety to be unfeigned ; and here I might leave 
 the theme, were it not for an incident which, taking place at 
 the same moment, will remain for ever associated in my mind 
 with that brief interval of prayer. 
 
 The hour of sunset, or, as the Neapolitans term it, the 
 "Vinti quatro," is that in which the galley-slaves, employed 
 from dawn of day at convict labour, return to their prisons ; 
 and while the streets at that period exhibit long lines of men 
 whose terrible appearance needs not the heightening acces- 
 sories of a shocking dress and a heavy lumbering chain to 
 pronounce them criminals, over the bay are seen boats moving 
 in sad procession, the clanking of the fetters creaking mourn- 
 fully upon the ear, and sounding like the wail of hopeless' 
 captivity. 
 
 No scene of pleasurable enjoyment can stand the contrast 
 of such a sight ; the revulsion is too sudden and too painful 
 from the light frivolity of mirth to the terrible reality of 
 suffering and sorrow. To escape, therefore, from the gloomy 
 picture, the officers of the vessel endeavoured to withdraw 
 their guests from the deck to the shelter of the cabin. The 
 change was accomplished well and naturally, and we were all 
 gathered between decks in that turmoil and confusion which 
 form no insignificant part of the success of every entertain- 
 ment ; the buzz of talking and the sounds of pleasant laughter 
 were heard on every side — when suddenly a cry was heard 
 above, and then the loud voice of the officer of the watch, 
 commanding a boat to be instantly manned and lowered. 
 
 A hundred conjectures at once ran round as to the meaning 
 of the order; but one of the officers hastily entering, a few 
 minutes later, put an end to all guessing, by informing us 
 that a very dreadful incident had just occurred within a short 
 distance from where we lay. " You may have remarked a 
 handsome yacht, which anchored last night in the bay, coming 
 up from the eastward : she belonged to an English gentleman, 
 with whose name we were not acquainted, but whose conduct 
 is calculated to confirm all that Frenchmen are accustomed 
 to say of our national taste for eccentricity even in crime. 
 It would seem that at an early hour this morning he landed 
 at the Mole, and by means of letters with which he was 
 provided to the minister of police, obtained leave to inspect 
 the different prisons of the city, and to pass under the most 
 minute examination all those condemned to the galleys for 
 life. As already all those who work at Castelamare had been
 
 474 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 sent away, he obtained an order to visit the galleys there, 
 being determined, as it would seem, to leave nothing unseen. 
 On reaching Castelamare it is said that he again commenced 
 his tour of inspection, going over the roll of the prisoners, 
 with the muster-book in his hand, as if to compare their 
 features with the crimes alleged against them, and scruti- 
 nizing each with a most searching look. The visit lasted till 
 nigh evening ; and although the governor was not a little 
 astonished at the proceeding of the stranger, still less was he 
 prepared for the singular request which succeeded : it was, 
 that he might be permitted to return to Naples in one of the 
 convict boats instead of in his own gig. The demand might 
 have been treated lightly, or altogether refused, but that the 
 Englishman's appearance and manner indicated rank, while 
 the letter he carried from the minister showed him to be one 
 with claims for consideration. The governor, therefore, gave 
 the permission, smiling at the same time at a caprice which 
 could not have proceeded from the native of any other 
 country. 
 
 " The Englishman took his seat in the stern of the boat, 
 and, as I am told by the steersman, never spoke nor moved 
 for nigh an hour's time, muffling himself up in his cloak so 
 that his very face was concealed ; he neither cast his eyes 
 over the bay nor looked towards the shore, but sat like one in 
 deep reflection. As we neared the Tar iff a" said my infor- 
 mant, " our passenger affected to feel cold and chilly, — he 
 might have been so, since the evening breeze was just spring- 
 ing up, — and said that he would like to row for a spell, just 
 to warm himself. The petty officer in charge explained that 
 the request could not be complied with, since, amongst other 
 reasons, the men were chained two and two on every bench, 
 and then obliged to tug at the same oar. 
 
 " The Englishman, who, throughout the day, had invariably 
 overruled every objection opposed to him, grew only more 
 positive in his demand, and at last produced the minister's 
 order to strengthen his proposal; and finally said, that as he 
 had obtained the permission to learn all he could of the con- 
 dition of the convicts, he was determined not to depart with- 
 out experiencing in his own person the amount of labour 
 exacted from them. ' You shall chain me to that fellow in 
 the bow of the boat,' said he, 'for I have my doubts that this 
 same punishment is not equal to what our own sailors perform 
 every day, as a mere duty.' 
 
 " I need not dwell upon the arguments he used, and the 
 reason he pressed ; and although I have not heard it, I have
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WORLD.*' 475 
 
 little doubt that bribery was among the rest. His demand 
 was granted, and he was actually placed beside the convict, 
 and his left wrist enclosed in the same fetter with the other's 
 right. 
 
 " His face became almost purple as he grasped the oar, 
 and his eyes glared fiercely round upon his fellow-labourer, 
 like the red and staring orbs of a wild beast. ' So dreadful 
 was the expression of his face,' said the steersman, ' that I 
 believed him to be insane ; and a shocking fear of evil con- 
 sequences shot through me for having yielded to him.' 
 
 " I at once called out to the crew to ship their oars, deter- 
 mining to make him resume his place beside me. The order 
 was obeyed by the bow-oar as by the rest. I was then about 
 to issue a command for him to be released, when, with a yell 
 that I shall never forget, he sprang up in the boat, and then 
 calling out something in English, which I could not under- 
 stand, he seized his comrade by the throat and shook him 
 violently. 
 
 " The convict — himself a strong man, yet in the prime of 
 life — seemed nothing in the grasp of the other, who held him 
 at arm's length, as though he vrere a child ; and then letting 
 go his hold, clasping him round the waist with both arms, 
 he jumped into the sea." 
 
 " They were seen in mortal conflict for a second or two as 
 they sank in the clear water, but they never rose to the 
 surface, — the weight of the massive fetters and their own 
 struggles soon finished their sufferings ! " 
 
 Such was the terrible story which now broke in upon the 
 gay current of our festivity, and threw a gloom over a scene 
 of brilliant pleasure. Of course various surmises as to the 
 motive of this fearful act were uttered, but they all tended to 
 the conclusion that it proceeded from insanity, which occa- 
 sionally displays amongst its wonderful phenomena all the 
 premeditation and circumspection of accomplished guilt. 
 
 There is that of solemnity about an event of this nature 
 that even frivolity itself stands rebuked by, and so, now, 
 instead of resuming the occupations of pleasure, many took 
 their leave suddenly ; and of those who still remained, but 
 one topic engrossed the conversation — that of madness as an 
 element in all great cases of guilt. 
 
 Of course, as in all similar discussions, the superiority lay 
 with those who, with more readiness of expression, also 
 possessed greater resources in anecdote and illustration, and 
 of these the greater number were disposed to believe that all 
 great criminality is allied with deranged intellect. The Mar-
 
 -176 TIIE CONFESSIONS OF CON CUE CAN. 
 
 •chesa, however, took the opposite side, and insisted that the 
 passion which prompted to the most terrible and appalling 
 acts was perfectly consistent with right reason and sound 
 judgment. 
 
 " It is too rash in us," said she, " to assume a mere blind 
 impulse in cases even where recognized insanity exists. Were 
 we to know the secrets of the human heart, we might, per- 
 haps, see a long-cherished purpose in acts which appear to be 
 dictated by momentary passion. These impulses may be ex- 
 cessive, ill-directed, and ill-judging ; but still they may have 
 their origin in some train of thought where generous feelings 
 and noble aspirations mingle. Witness those heroic — for 
 they are, after all, heroic — assassinations of the student 
 Sandt and Charlotte Corday. What a perfect abrogation of 
 self did these acts evince ; what consummate devotion to a 
 cause ! Deeply as we may condemn the horrid nature of the 
 crime, it would be a great error to class these men with 
 vulgar criminals, or deny to them — the motives at least — of 
 something great." 
 
 I am not able — were I even disposed — to repeat all the 
 ingenious arguments by which the Marchesa supported her 
 opinion, nor the instances she so readily adduced in support 
 of it. She became highly excited by the theme, and soon, by the 
 eloquence of her words, and the fascinations of her manner, 
 enchained the whole company in a mute attention around her. 
 
 It was just as she concluded a very animated and glowing 
 description of that condition of the human mind, when by a 
 volcanic effort, as it were, the long-buried flames burst forth, 
 to scatter ruin and destruction on every side, that a young 
 'officer entered the cabin, and stood fascinated by the powers 
 of her fervid eloquence. 
 
 " Well, Mr. Hardy," said the Captain, recalling the youth's 
 attention to duty, " have you been on board of her ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir, she is an English yacht, the Firefly, and her late 
 owner was an English baronet, whose name I have written 
 down in my pocket-book." 
 
 The Captain took the note-book from the young officer's 
 hand, and, after reading the name, said, " If I mistake not, 
 this is the same person that once was so well known in Lon- 
 don life. Most of the present company must have heard of 
 the rich and eccentric Sir Dudley Broughton." 
 
 A low groan broke from me, and I turned my eyes slowly 
 and stealthily towards the end of the table, where the Mar- 
 chesa sat. Not a word, not the faintest sound had issued 
 from her lips; but she sat still and motionless, her lips
 
 A SOIREE IN THE " GREAT WORLD." 477 
 
 slightly parted, and her eyes staring straight before her. 
 The pallor of her features was that of death itself; and, 
 indeed, the rigid contour of the cheeks, and the firm tension 
 of the muscles, gave no evidence of life. 
 
 " You are ill, Madame la Marchesa," said a gentleman who 
 sat beside her ; but, as she made no reply, several now turned 
 towards her, to press their attentions, and suggest advice. 
 She never spoke ; indeed, she seemed not to hear them, but 
 sat with her head erect, and her arms rigidly stretched out 
 on either side, motionless as a statue. 
 
 The shocking incident that had occurred, and the discus- 
 sion which followed it, were sufficient to account for this sud- 
 den attack in one whose nervous temperament was so finely 
 strung ; but as she showed no signs of recovering conscious- 
 ness, nor gave the slightest indication of rallying, it was 
 decided at once that she should be conveyed to shore, where 
 in her own house medical aid might be had recourse to. 
 
 I was one of those who assisted to carry her to the boat, 
 and sat beside her afterwards, and held her hand in mine, 
 but she never recognized me ; her hand, too, was cold and 
 clammy, and the fingers felt rigid and cramped. The stern 
 impressive look of her features, the cold stare of her fixed 
 eyes, were terrible to behold ; far more so than even the 
 workings of mere bodily sufferings. 
 
 During the passage to the shore, at the landing itself, and 
 on our way to the Palazzo, she remained in the same state, 
 nor did she ever evince any trait of consciousness till she 
 reached the foot of the great staircase, where a crowd of ser- 
 vants, in the richest liveries, awaited to offer their services, 
 Then suddenly she moved her head from side to side, regard- 
 ing the crowd with a glance of wild and terrific meaning ; 
 she raised her hand to her brow, and passed it slowly across 
 her forehead. For an instant it seemed as if the lethargic 
 paroxysm was about to pass away, for her features softened 
 into a look of calm but melancholy beauty. This, too, glided 
 away, and her mouth settled into a hard and rigid smile. It 
 was the last change of all — for she had become an idiot ! 
 
 From that hour forth she never spoke again ! she never 
 knew those about her, neither missing them while absent nor 
 recognizing them when they reappeared. She had none of 
 the childish wilfulness of others in her sad condition, nor did 
 she shed the likings and dislikings they usually manifest ; 
 and thus she lingered on to her death. 
 
 Of her secret I was the sole depositary — and from that hour 
 to this in which I write, it has never escaped my lips.
 
 478 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN, 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 CONCLUSION. 
 
 I had few inducements to prolong my stay at Naples. The 
 society in which I moved had received a shock so terrible that 
 for some time, at least, it could not hope to recover, and an 
 air of gloom and despondency prevailed, where so lately all 
 had worn the livery of pleasure. 
 
 I made my farewell visit, therefore, at the court, and the 
 various embassies, and set out for Paris. This time, grown 
 wiser by experience, I did not seek to astonish the world by 
 any gorgeous display of my riches. I travelled with but 
 two carriages — one of which contained my luggage ; the 
 other, a light " coupe," I occupied alone. My route lay 
 through Rome and Florence, across the Apennines to Milan, 
 and thence, by the glorious scenery of the Spleiigen, into 
 Switzerland; but I saw little of the varied scenes through 
 which I journeyed. My whole thoughts were engaged upon 
 the future. 
 
 I had once more won the great prize in the world's lot- 
 tery, and I never ceased catechizing myself in what way I 
 should exercise my power. 
 
 From what I had already observed of life the great mistake 
 of rich men seemed to me, their addiction to some one pur- 
 suit of pleasure, which gradually gained an undue ascendency 
 over their minds, and exercised, at last, an unwonted degree 
 of tyranny. The passion for play — the love of pictures — the 
 taste for company-seeing — the sports of the field, and so on, 
 ought never to be allowed any paramount place, or used as 
 pursuits ; all these things should be simply employed as 
 means of obtaining an ascendency over other men, and of 
 exercising that sway which is never denied to success. 
 
 Some men are your slaves because your cook is unrivalled, 
 or your cellar incomparable : others look up to you because 
 your equipages exhibit an elegance with which none can vie ; 
 because your thorough-breds are larger, show more bone, and 
 carry the highest condition. Others, again, revere you for 
 your Vandykes and your Titians — your Rembrandts and 
 Murillos — your illuminated missals — your antique marbles.
 
 CONCLUSION. 479 
 
 To every section of society you can exhibit some peculiar 
 and special temptation, which, in their- blind admiration, they 
 refer to as an attribute of yourself. Your own fault is it, if 
 they ever discover their error ! The triumphs of Raphael 
 and Velasquez shed a reflected light upon him who possesses 
 them ; and so of each excellence that wealth can purchase. 
 You stand embodied in the exercise of your taste, and in 
 your own person receive the adulation which greatness and 
 genius have achieved. 
 
 To accomplish this, however, requires infinite tact and a 
 great abrogation of self. All individuality must be merged, 
 and a new character created, from the " disjecta membra" of 
 many crafts and callings. 
 
 To have any one inordinate passion is to betray a weak 
 spot in one's armour, of which the cunning will soon take 
 advantage. Such were among my meditations as I rolled 
 along towards Paris ; and so long as I journeyed alone, with no 
 other companionship than my own thoughts, these opinions 
 appeared sage and well reasoned ; but how soon were they 
 routed as I drove into that gorgeous capital, and saw the full 
 tide of its pleasure-loving inhabitants, as it rolled proudly 
 past ! How vain to reason farther upon the regulation of a 
 life to which wealth set no limits ! how impossible to restrain 
 one's self within the barriers of cold prudential thought, where 
 all was to be had for asking. 
 
 Ah, Con, your philosophy was excellent while, sitting in 
 the corner of your coupe, you rolled along unnoticed, save by 
 the vacant' stare of some vigneron in a blue cotton nightcap, 
 Or some short-legged wench in wooden " sabots ; " but, now 
 ti\at you stand in the window of your great hotel in the Place 
 Vendome, and see the gathering crowd, which inquires — 
 who is the illustrious arrival ? your heart begins to beat 
 quicker and fuller ; you feel like a great actor, for whom the 
 house is already impatient ; nor is the curtain to remain 
 longer down. You are scarcely an hour in Paris when your 
 visitors begin to call. Here are cards without number — 
 officers in high command, courtiers, ministers, and aides-de- 
 camp of those whose rank precludes the first visit. The 
 " place " is like a fair, with its crush of equipages, — the hotel 
 is actually besieged. Every language of Europe is heard 
 within its " porte-cochere," and your own chasseur is over- 
 whelmed with questionings, enough to drive him distracted. 
 
 Is it any wonder how the poor man adulates wealth, when 
 those in high station — the great and titled of the earth — are 
 so ready to worship and revere it !
 
 480 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 My first care was, of course, to present myself before the 
 prince, my gracious master, and I drove at once to the Tuile- 
 ries. There was a reception that morning by the King, and 
 the Due de St. Cloud led me forward, and presented me to 
 his Majesty, with a very eulogistic account of my services in 
 Africa. 
 
 The King listened most graciously to the narrative, and 
 then, with a cordial courtesy that at once pat me at my ease, 
 asked me several questions about my campaigns, all inge- 
 niously contrived to be complimentary to me. 
 
 " Yours is not originally a Spanish family, Count ; I fancy 
 the name is Celtic." 
 
 "Yes, sire, we came from Ireland," said I, blushing in 
 spite of myself. 
 
 " Ah, very true. There was always a great interchange of 
 races between the two nations. And have you never tried to 
 trace back, among your Irish ancestors, so as to learn who 
 are the lineal descendants of your house ? " 
 
 " I have been hitherto, sire, rather a man of action than of 
 thought or reflection. To obtain possession of a property 
 belonging to my family, I undertook a journey to, and a long 
 residence in, Mexico ; and although successful in this, a sub- 
 sequent misfortune deprived me of all I owned, and left me 
 actually in want. The good fortune which led me to take 
 eervice under your Majesty has, however, never deserted 
 me, and I am enabled once again to assume the station that 
 belonged to me." 
 
 The King heard me with apparent pleasure, and after a few 
 generalities about Paris and my acquaintances, said, — " His 
 Royal Highness the Due de St. Cloud has asked me to 
 appoint you on my personal staff. There is not at the present 
 a vacancy, but you shall be named as an extra aide-de-camp in 
 the meanwhile." 
 
 Overwhelmed by this distinction, I could only bow my 
 gratitude in silence, and, with an air and show of great 
 devotion, I retired from the royal presence. Thus did proper 
 feeling suggest the truest politeness ; for had I been more 
 assured, the chances were, 1 should have endeavoured to say 
 something, and consequently committed a very grievous 
 breach of etiquette. 
 
 The following day I received an invitation to dine at Court. 
 The company was numerous, and among them I discovered 
 the young English attache who had so insolently treated my 
 demands on my first visit to Paris. With what sovereign 
 contempt did I now look down upon him ! He was there ?
 
 CONCLUSION. 481 
 
 exactly as I left him, muddling away in the petty details of 
 his little routine life, — signing a passport or copying a des- 
 patch, — playing off the airs of grand seigneur to couriers and 
 lacquais de place, while in the same time, I had won honours 
 and rewards upon the field of battle, and now stood while the 
 Prince leaned upon my arm, and chatted familiarly over the 
 assembled company. Nothing gave me a more confident 
 sense of my own standing in the world, than the feeling with 
 which I now regarded those whom once I looked up to with 
 a kind of awe. It is precisely as we discover that the hills 
 which, in childhood, we believed to be gigantic mountains, 
 are mere hillocks, that in after life we find out how indescri- 
 bably small are many of those we used to think of as " high 
 and mighty." 
 
 I therefore sneered down my poor attache, and as I pass 3d 
 him, I believe I even suffered my sabre to jar against his leg, 
 not without hoping that he might notice the slight, and seek 
 satisfaction for it. In this I was disappointed, and I left him, 
 never to trouble my head more about him. 
 
 Among the pleasures which awaited me in Paris, none 
 gave me more sincere satisfaction than the renewal of my 
 acquaintance with De Minerale, who, however, could never 
 believe that my good fortune was other than some lucky 
 accident of my African campaign. 
 
 " Come — out with it," he would say. " You robbed a 
 1 Smala,' — you pillaged a ' Deira,' or something of the sort. 
 Tell me frankly how it was, and on my honour I'll never 
 print it till you're dead and gone. In fact, if you persist in 
 refusing, I'll give you to the world with name in full. I'll 
 describe you as a fellow that picked up a treasure in some 
 small island of the Mediterranean, and turned millionaire 
 after being a pirate." 
 
 "Put me down for fifty copies of the book," said I, laugh- 
 ing ; " I'm rich enough now to encourage the small- fry of 
 literature." 
 
 Thus did we often jest with each other, and we met con- 
 tinually ; for when not invited out myself, I gave entertain- 
 ments at home, at which I assembled various members of that 
 artistic set in which I had once moved — a very different order 
 of society from that in which I mixed in Naples — and I am 
 free to own, with far less claim to real agreeability. The 
 " wits by profession " were not only less natural than the 
 smart people of society, but they wearied you by the exactions 
 of their drollery. Not to laugh at the sorriest jest was to 
 discredit the jester, and the omission became a serious thing 
 
 1 1
 
 482 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 when it touched a man's livelihood. In fact, from first to 
 last, in whatever country I have lived, I have ever found that 
 the best, — that is, the highest society, — was always the most 
 agreeable, as well as the most profitable. Its forms were not 
 alone regulated upon the surest basis of comfort, but its tone 
 ever tended to promote whatever was pleasurable, and 
 exclude everything that could hurt or offend. So is it, — your 
 great aristocrats are very democratic in a drawing-room — 
 professing and practising the most perfect equality ; while 
 your " rights of man " and " popular sovereignty advocate," 
 insists upon always being the king of his company. Forgive 
 this digression, my dear reader, if for nothing else than be- 
 cause it shall be the last time of my offending. 
 
 I had now enjoyed myself at Paris about two months, or 
 thereabouts, in which, having most satisfactorily arranged all 
 my monetary matters, and— besides having a considerable 
 sum in the English funds — found myself down in the "Grand 
 Livre " for a couple of million of francs — a feature which 
 made me a much-caressed individual in that new social order 
 just then springing up, called the " financiere " class, one 
 which, if with few claims to the stately manners of the " Fau- 
 bourg," numbered as many pretty women, and as agreeable 
 ones as could be found anywhere. Had I been matrimonially 
 disposed, this set would certainly have been dangerous ground 
 for me — the attentions which beset me being almost like 
 adulation. The truth was, however, Donna Maria had left 
 an impression which comparison with others did not efface. 
 I felt, if I were to marry, it might as well be for high rank 
 and family influence, since I never could do so for love. My 
 nobility required a little strengthening, nor was there any 
 easier, or more efficient mode of supporting it, than by an 
 alliance with some of those antiquated houses, who, with 
 small fortunes, but undiminished pride, inhabited the solitudes 
 of the " Faubourg St. Germain." I cannot afford space here 
 to recount my adventures in that peaceful and deserted quar- 
 ter, whose amusements ranged between masses and tric-trac, 
 — where Piety and Pope Joan divided the hours. The anti- 
 quity of my family, and the pureness of my Castilian blood ! 
 had been the pretensions which obtained admission for me 
 into these sacred precincts, and there, I must say, everything 
 seemed old and worn out : the houses, the salons, the furni- 
 ture, the masters, servants, horses, carriages — all were as old 
 as the formalities and the opinions they professed. 
 
 Even the young ladies had got a premature cast of serious- 
 ness that took away every semblance of juvenility. Whether
 
 CONCLUSION. 483 
 
 from associating with them, or that I had voluntarily con- 
 formed to the staid Puritanism of their manners, I cannot 
 say, but my other acquaintances began to quiz and rally me 
 about my " legitimist " air, and even said that the change had 
 been remarked at Court. 
 
 This was an observation that gave me some uneasiness, and 
 I hastened off to the Due de St. Cloud, whose kindness had 
 always admitted me to the most open intercourse. 
 
 " It is quite true, Creganne," said he, " we all remarked 
 that you were coquetting with the ' vieux ' — the old ones of 
 the Faubourg — and although I had never any misgivings 
 about you, others were less charitable." 
 
 " What is to be done then ? " said I, in my distress at the 
 bare thought of seeming ungrateful. 
 
 " I'll tell you," said he; " there's the post of secretary of 
 embassy just vacant at Madrid ; your knowledge of the lan- 
 guage, and your Spanish blood, admirably fit you for the 
 mission. Shall I ask for it in your behalf? " 
 
 I could scarcely speak for gratitude. I was longing for 
 some " charge," — some public station that would give me a 
 recognized position as well as wealth. 
 
 The " Due " hurried from the room, and after an absence 
 of half-an-hour came back, laughing, to say — " This was 
 quite a brilliant idea of mine, for the Minister of Foreign 
 Affairs was just in conversation with the King, and, seeing 
 that they were both in good humour, and discussing the 
 Madrid mission, I even asked for the post of ambassador for 
 you — ay, and what's better, obtained it too." 
 
 I could not believe my ears as I heard these words, and the 
 Prince was obliged to repeat his tidings ere I could bring 
 myself to credit them. " And now for a little plan of my 
 own," resumed he ; I am about to make a short visit to 
 England, and, better still, to Ireland. You must accompany 
 me. Of course I travel ' incog.,' which means that my real 
 rank will be known to all persons in authority, but, avoiding 
 all state and parade, I shall be able to see something of 
 that remarkable country of which I have heard so much." 
 
 I acknowledged a degree of curiosity to the full as great 
 but bewailed my ignorance of the language, as a great draw- 
 back to the pleasures of the journey. 
 
 " But you do know a little English," said the Prince. 
 
 " Not a word," said I, coolly. " When a child, I believe I 
 could speak it fluently, — so I have heard; but since that 
 period I have utterly forgotten all about it." This may seem- 
 to have been a gratuitous fiction on my part, but it was not 
 
 I I 2
 
 484 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 so ; and, to prove it, I must tell the reader a little incident 
 which was running in my mind at that moment. A certain 
 Tipperary gentleman, whose name is too familiar for me to- 
 print, once called upon a countryman in Paris, and after 
 ringing stoutly at the bell, the door was opened by a very 
 smartly-dressed " maid," whose grisette cap and apron im- 
 mediately seemed to pronounce her to be French. " Est 
 Capitaine — est Monsieur O'Shea ici ?" asked he, in consider- 
 able hesitation. 
 
 " Oh, sir! you're English," exclaimed the maid, in a very 
 London accent. 
 
 " Yes, my little darlin', I was asking for Captain O'Shea." 
 
 " Ah, sir, you're Irish ! " said she, with a very significant 
 fall of the voice. " So," as he afterwards remarked, " my 
 French showed that I was English, and my English that I 
 was Irish." 
 
 Now, although my French would have passed muster from 
 Cannes to Caen, my English had something of the idiomatic 
 peculiarity of the gentleman just alluded to; and were I 
 only to speak once in Ireland, I must be inevitably detected. 
 There was then no choice for it ; I must even consent to talk 
 through an interpreter, — a rather dull situation for a man 
 about to " tour it" in Ireland ! 
 
 As the Prince's journey was a secret in Paris, our arrange- 
 ments were made with great caution and despatch. We 
 travelled down to Boulogne with merely one other compa- 
 nion, an old Colonel Demannais, who had been for some 
 years a prisoner in England, and spoke English fluently, and 
 with only three servants ; there was nothing in our " cortege" 
 betraying the rank of his Royal Highness. 
 
 Apartments had been prepared for us at Mivart's, and 
 we dined each day at the French Embassy, — going to the 
 Opera in the evening, and sight-seeing all the forenoon, 
 like genuine " country cousins." The Court was in Scot- 
 land ; but even had it been in London, I conclude that the 
 Prince would have been received in some mode which should 
 not have attracted publicity. 
 
 Ten days sufficed for " town," and we set out for Ireland, 
 to visit which his Royal Highness was all impatience and 
 eagerness. 
 
 Never can I forget the sensations with which I landed on 
 that shore, which, about a dozen years before, I had quitted 
 barefooted and hungry ! Was the change alone in me ; or 
 what had come over the objects, to make them so very dif- 
 ferent from what they once were ? The hotel that I remem-
 
 CONCLUSION. 485 
 
 bered to have regarded as a kind of palace, where splendour 
 and profusion prevailed, seemed now dirty and uncared for ; 
 the waiters slovenly, the landlord rude, the apartments mean, 
 and the food detestable ! The public itself, as it paraded on 
 the pier, was not that gorgeous panorama I once saw there; 
 the mingled elegance and fashion I used to regard with such 
 eyes of wonderment and envy. What had become of them ? 
 Good looks there were, and in abundance, — for Irish women 
 will be pretty, no matter what changes come over the land; 
 but the men ! good lack, what a strange aspect did they pre- 
 sent ! Without the air of fashion you see in Paris, or that 
 more strongly marked characteristic of style and manliness 
 the parks of London exhibit, here were displayed a kind of 
 swaggering self-sufficiency, whose pretension was awfully 
 at variance with the mediocrity of their dress, and the easy 
 jocularity that leered from their eyes. Some were aquatics, 
 and wore Jersey shirts and frocks, loose trousers, and low 
 shoes ; but they overdid their parts, and lounged like Tom 
 Cooke in a sea-piece. 
 
 Others appeared as elegans, and were even greater burlesques 
 on the part. It was quite clear, however, that these formed 
 no portion of the better classes of the capital, and so I hastened 
 to assure the Prince, whose looks bespoke very palpable dis- 
 appointment. 
 
 In Dublin, however, the changes were greater than I 
 expected. It was not alone that I had seen other and greater 
 capitals, where affluence and taste abound, and where, while 
 the full tide of fashion sets " in " in one quarter, the still 
 more exciting course of activity and industry flows along in 
 another ; but here an actual decline had taken place in the 
 appearance of everything. The shops, the streets, the inha- 
 bitants, all looked in disrepair. There were few carriages, 
 nothing deserving the name of equipage — none of that stir 
 and movement which characterize a capital. It all looked 
 like a place where people dwelt to wear out their old houses 
 and old garments, and to leave both behind them when no 
 longer wearable ; windows mended with paper, pantaloons 
 patched with parti-coloured cloth, "shocking bad hats, "mangy 
 car- drivers, and great troops of beggars of every age and 
 walk of mendicancy, were met with even in the best quarters ; 
 and with all these signs of poverty and decay, there was an air 
 of swaggering recklessness in every one that was particularly 
 striking. All were out of temper with England and English 
 rule; and "Ireland for the Irish" was becoming a popular 
 cant phrase, pretty much on the same principle that blacklegs
 
 486 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 extinguish the lights, when luck goes against them, and 
 have a scramble for " the bank " in the dark. The strangest 
 of all was, however, that nobody seemed to have died or left 
 the place since I remembered it as a boy. There went the 
 bnrly barrister down Bachelor's-walk, with the same sturdy 
 stride I used to admire of yore — his cheek a little redder, his 
 presence somewhat more portly, perhaps, but with the self- 
 same smile with which he then cajoled the jury ; and that 
 imposing frown with which he repelled the freedom of a 
 witness. There were the same civic magistrates, the same 
 attorneys, dancing-masters ; ay, even the dandies had not 
 been replaced, but were ihe old crop, sadly running to seed, 
 and marvellously ill cared for. 
 
 Even the Castle officials were beautifully consistent, and 
 true to their old traditions ; they were as empty and insolent 
 as ever. It was the English pale performed over again at the 
 Upper Castle-yard, and all without its limits were the kerns 
 and " wild Irish " of centuries ago. 
 
 How is a craft like this ever to take the sea, thought I, 
 with misery and mutiny everywhere ! with six feet of water 
 in the hold, the crew are turning out for higher wages, and 
 ready to throw overboard the man who counsels them to put 
 a hand to the pump ! 
 
 But what had I to do with all this ? nor would I allude to it 
 here, save to mention the straits and difficulties which beset 
 me, to account for changes that I had never anticipated. 
 
 We dined everywhere, from that vice-regal palace in a 
 swamp, to the musty halls of the chief-secretary in the Castle. 
 We partook of a civic feast, a pic-nic at the waterfall ; we had 
 one day with the military ! and here, by the way, I recognized 
 an old acquaintance of other days, the Hon. Captain De 
 Courcy. He was still on the staff, and still constant to his 
 ancient flame, who, with a little higher complexion, and more 
 profuse ringlets — it is strange how colour and hair go on 
 increasing with years, — looked pretty much what I remem- 
 bered her of yore. 
 
 "You had better wait for your groom, Mons. Le Comte," 
 said De Courcy to me at the review, as I was dismounting to 
 speak to some people in the crowd of carriages. " Don't trust 
 those fellows. I once had a valuable mare stolen by one of 
 those vagrants, and, what was worse, the rascal rode her at a 
 steeple-chase the same day." 
 
 " Pas possible! " exclaimed I, at the bare thought of such 
 an indignity. " What became of the young villain ? " 
 
 " I forget now, whether I let him off, or whether he was
 
 CONCLUSION. 487 
 
 publicly whipped ; but I am certain he never came to 
 good." 
 
 I felt a flush of anger rise to my cheek at this speech, but 
 I checked my passion ; and well I might, as I thought upon 
 my own condition and upon Ms. To have expended any 
 interest or sympathy as to the boy, besides, would have been 
 absurd, and I was silent. Among our invitations, was one 
 to the house of a baronet, who resided in a midland county, 
 only a few miles from my native place. We arrived at night 
 at Knockdangan Castle, an edifice of modern gothic style, 
 which means a marvellously expensive residence, rendered 
 almost uninhabitable, by the necessity of having winding- 
 stairs, narrow corridors, low ceilings, and pointed windows. 
 The house was full of company, the greater part of whom had 
 arrived unexpectedly : still, our reception was every thing that 
 genial hospitality could dictate. One of the drawing-rooms 
 had been already converted into a kind of barrack-room, with 
 half a dozen beds in it ; and now the library was to be devoted 
 to the Prince, while a small octagon tower leading off it, 
 about the f"jze and shape of a tea-tray, w T as reserved for me. 
 If these arrangements were attended with inconvenience, 
 certainly nothing in the manner of either host or hostess 
 showed it. They, and their numerous family of sons and 
 daughters, seemed to take it as the most natural thing in life 
 to be thrown into disorder, to accommodate their friends ; 
 not alone their friends, but their friends', friends ; for so 
 proved more than half of the present company. Several of 
 " the boys," meaning the sons of the host, slept at houses in 
 the neighbourhood ; one actually bivouacked iu a little temple 
 in the garden. There seemed no limit to the contrivances of 
 our kind entertainers, either in the variety of the plans for 
 pleasure, or the hearty good-nature with which tbey concurred 
 in any suggestion of the guests. All that Spanish politeness 
 expresses, as a phrase, was here reduced to actual practice. 
 Everything was at the disposal of the stranger. Not alone 
 was he at liberty to ride, drive, fish, shoot, hunt, boat, or 
 course at will — but all his hours were at his own disposal; and 
 his liberty unfettered, even as to whether he dined in his own 
 apartment, or joined the general company. Nothing that the 
 most courteous attention could provide was omitted, at the 
 same time that the most ample freedom w^as secured to all. 
 Here, too, was found a tone of cultivation that would have 
 graced the most polished society of any European capital. 
 Foreign languages were well understood and spoken ; music 
 practised in its higher walks ; drawing cultivated with a skill
 
 488 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 rarely seen out of the hands of professed masters ; subjects of 
 politics and general literature were discussed with a know- 
 ledge and a liberality that bespoke the highest degree of 
 enlightenment ; while to all these gifts the general warmth 
 of native character lent an indescribable charm of kindliness 
 and cordiality, that left none a stranger who spent even twelve 
 hours beneath their roof. 
 
 The Prince was in ecstasies with everything and every 
 one, and he himself no less a favourite with all. Every fall 
 he got in hunting made him more popular ; every misadven- 
 ture that occurred to him, in trying to conform to native 
 tastes, gave a new grace and charm to his character. The 
 ladies pronounced him " a love ; " and the men, in less 
 polished, but not less hearty encomium, called him " a 
 devilish good fellow for a Frenchman." 
 
 The habits I have already alluded to, of each guest living 
 exactly how he pleased, gave a continual novelty to the 
 company ; sometimes two or three new faces would appear 
 at the dinner-table, or in the drawing-room, and conjecture 
 was ever at work whether the last arrivals had been yet 
 seen, and who were they who presented themselves at 
 table ? 
 
 " You will meet two new guests to-day, Count," said the 
 host one day, as we entered the drawing-room before dinner: 
 " a Spanish Bishop and his niece — a very charming person, 
 and a widow of nineteen ! They came over to Ireland about 
 some disputed question of property — being originally Irish 
 by family — and are now, I regret to say, about to return to 
 Spain in a few days. Hitherto a severe cold has confined the 
 Bishop to his chamber ; and his niece, not being, I fancy, a 
 proficient in any but her native language, had not courage to 
 face a miscellaneous party. They will both, however, favour 
 us to-day ; and, as you are the only one here who can com- 
 mand the ' true Castilian tongue,' you will take the Countess 
 in to dinner." 
 
 I bowed my acknowledgments, not sorry to have the occa- 
 sion of displaying my Spanish, and playing the agreeable to 
 my fair countrywoman. 
 
 The drawing-room each day before dinner had no other 
 light than that afforded by a great fire of bog deal, which, 
 although diffusing a rich and ruddy glow over all who sat 
 within the circle around it, left the remainder of the apart- 
 ment in comparative darkness ; and few, except those very 
 intimate, were able to recognize each other in the obscurity. 
 Whether this was a whim of the host, or a pardonable artifice
 
 The mutual recognition.
 
 CONCLUSION. 489 
 
 to make the splendour of the well-lighted dinner-table more 
 effective, on the principle of orators, who begin at a whisper 
 to create silence, I know not, but we used to jest over the 
 broken shins and upset spider tables, that each day announced 
 the entrance of some guest, less familiarized to the geography 
 of the apartment. 
 
 On this particular occasion the party was unusually large ; 
 possibly a certain curiosity to see the new guests had added 
 to the number, while some of the neighbouring families were 
 also present. "Various were the new names announced ; and 
 at last came the Bishop, with the lady of the house upon his 
 arm, the young widow following with one of the daughters of 
 the house. I could only distinguish a very white head, with 
 a small black skull-cap, a stooping figure, and a great gold 
 cross, which, I concluded, represented the holy man ; something 
 in black, with a very long veil descending from the back of 
 her head, being as evidently the niece. 
 
 A few formal introductions were gone through in clever 
 pantomime, dinner was announced, and the company paired 
 off in all stateliness, while the host, seizing my arm, led me 
 across the room, and in a few words presented me to the 
 fair widow, who curtseyed and accepted my arm, and away 
 we marched in that solemn procession by which people 
 endeavour to thaw the ice of first acquaintance. 
 
 "Your first visit to Ireland, I believe, Senhora?" said I, 
 in Spanish, wishing to say something as we walked along. 
 
 " Yes, Sefihor, and yours also, I understand ? " replied 
 she. 
 
 " Not exactly," muttered I, taken too suddenly to recover 
 myself, " when I was a boy, a mere child," — I here by acci- 
 dent employed a Mexican word almost synonymous with the 
 French " gamin," — she started, and said eagerly, " How ! you 
 have been in Mexico ? " 
 
 "Yes, Senhora, I have passed some years in that country." 
 
 "I am a Mexican," cried she delightedly. " Tell me, 
 where have you travelled, and whom did you know there ? " 
 
 " I have travelled a good deal, but scarcely knew any one," 
 replied I. " At Guajuaqualla." 
 
 " Oh, were you there? — my own neighbourhood — my 
 home," exclaimed she, fervidly. 
 
 " Then, probably, you know Don Esteban Olares," said I. 
 
 " My own father ! " 
 
 I turned round ; our eyes met ; it was just at the very 
 entrance of the dinner-room, where a blaze of light was slied 
 nn everything, and there upon my arm — her hand trembling,
 
 490 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 lier cheek colourless, and her eyes swimming in tears — - 
 was Donna Maria ! Neither of us spoke — neither of us could 
 speak ! — and while her eyes wandered from my face to the 
 several decorations I wore upon my breast, and I watched 
 with agonizing intensity the look of terror she threw down 
 the table towards the place where her uncle was seated, I 
 saw plainly that some painful mystery was struggling within 
 her mind. 
 
 " Do not let my uncle recognize you," said she, in a low 
 whisper ; " he is not likely to do so, for both his sight and 
 hearing are much impaired." 
 
 " But why should I not claim him as an old acquaintance, if 
 not a friend, Senhora, if he be the same Fra Miguel? " 
 
 " Hush, be cautious," cried she, " I will tell you all to- 
 morrow — to-night, if there be a fitting opportunity. Let us 
 talk of something else, or we shall be remarked." 
 
 I tried my best to obey her, but I fear my attempt was a 
 poor one ; I was able, however, to listen to her with a certain 
 amount of composure, and while doing so, to remark how 
 much she had improved in grace and beauty since we met. 
 Years had developed the charms which girlhood then but 
 shadowed forth, and in the full and liquid softness -of her 
 dark and long-lashed eyes, and the playful delicacy of her 
 mouth, I saw how a consciousness of fascination had served 
 to lend new powers of pleasing. 
 
 She spoke to me of her widowhood without any affectation 
 of feeling grieved or sorry. So long as Don Geloso had 
 lived, her existence had been like that of a nun in a cloister ; 
 he was too jealous to suffer her to go into the world, and 
 save at the Court Chapel each morning and evening, she 
 never saw anything of that brilliant society in which her 
 equals were moving. When her uncle was created Bishop of 
 Seville, she removed to that city to visit him, and had never 
 seen her husband after. Such, in few words, was the story 
 of a life, whose monotony would have broken the spirit of 
 any nature less buoyant and elastic than her own. Don 
 Esteban was dead ; and of him she spoke with deep and 
 affectionate feeling, betraying besides that her own lot was 
 rendered almost a friendless one by the bereavement. 
 
 That same evening, as we walked through the rooms, 
 examining pictures and ancient armour, of which our host 
 was somewhat vain, I learned the secret to which the Seiihora 
 had alluded at table, and divesting which of all the embar- 
 rassment the revelation occasioned herself, was briefly this : 
 The Fra, who had never, for some reasons of his own, either
 
 CONCLUSION. 491 
 
 liked or trusted me, happened to discover some circumstances 
 of my earlier adventures in Texas, and even traced me in my 
 rambles to the night of my duel with the Ranchero. Hence 
 he drew the somewhat rash and ungenerous conclusion that 
 my character was not so unimpeachable as I affected, and 
 that my veracity w T as actually open to question ! An active 
 correspondence had taken place between Don Geloso and 
 himself about me, in which the former, after great researches, 
 pronounced that no noble family of my name bad existed in 
 old Spain, and that, in plain fact, I w 7 as nothing better than 
 an impostor ! In this terrible delusion the old gentleman 
 died, but so fearful was he of the bare possibility of injuring 
 one in whose veins flowed the pure blood of Castile, that 
 on his death-bed he besought the Bishop to ascertain the fact 
 to a certainty, and not to desist in the investigation till he 
 had traced me to my birth, parentage, and country. Upon 
 this condition he had bequeathed all his fortune to the 
 Church, and not alone all his own wealth, but all Donna 
 Maria's also. 
 
 The Bishop's visit to Ireland, therefore, had no other object 
 than to look for my baptismal certificate, — an investigation, 
 I need«scarcely say, somewhat difficult and intricate ! 
 
 Of course, in this confession, the fair Countessa never hesi- 
 tated to regard me as an injured and calumniated individual; 
 but so assured was she of the Bishop's desire to endow the 
 Church with her wealth, that he would have less brooked to 
 discover me a noble of title and rank indisputable, than to 
 find me a poor and ignoble adventurer. " Were he but to 
 recognize you," said she, "I should be condemned to a 
 nunnery for life! " and this terror, however little startling 
 to my ears, had too much of significance to her mind to be 
 undervalued. 
 
 Of course my present position, — the companionship of the 
 Prince, — the foreign orders I wore, were more than sufficient 
 to accredit me to her as anything I pleased to represent my- 
 self; but somehow I felt little inclination for that vein of 
 fiction in wdiich so often and so largely I had indulged ! For 
 the first time in my life I regarded this flow of invention as 
 a treachery ! and, when pressed by her to relate the full story 
 of my life, I limited myself to that period which, beginning* 
 with my African campaign, brought me down to the moment 
 of telling I was in love. Such is the simple solution of the 
 mystery ; nor can I cite a more convincing evidence of the 
 ennobling nature of the passion, than that it made me, such 
 as I was, tenacious of the truth.
 
 492 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 Every succeeding clay brought me into closer intimacy with 
 the Seiihora, and taught me more and more to value her for 
 other graces than those of personal beauty. The seclusion 
 in which she had passed her last few years had led her to 
 cultivate her mind by a course of study such as few Spanish 
 women ever think of, and which gave an almost serious cha- 
 racter to a nature of more than childlike buoyancy. We talked 
 of her own joyous land, to which she seemed longing to re- 
 turn, and of our first meeting beside the " Rio Colloredo," 
 and then of our next meeting on her own marriage-day, and 
 she wondered where, if ever, we should see each other again ! 
 The opportunity was not to be lost. I pressed her hand to 
 my lips, and asked her never to leave me ! I told her that, 
 for me, country had no ties, — that I had neither home nor 
 kindred. I would, at that moment, have confessed every- 
 thing, even to my humble birth ! I pledged myself to live 
 with her amidst the sierras of the far west, or, if she liked 
 better, in somecity of the old world. I told her that I was 
 rich, and that I needed not that wealth of which her uncle's 
 covetousness would rob her. In fact, I said a great deal that 
 was true, and when I added anything that was not so, it was 
 simply as painters introduce a figure with a " bit of red," to 
 heighten the landscape. I will not weary my fair reader 
 with all the little doubts, and hesitations, and fears, so 
 natural for her to experience and express ; nor will I tire my 
 male companion by saying how I combated each in turn. 
 Love, like a lawsuit, has but one ritual. First comes the 
 declaration — usually a pretty unintelligible piece of business 
 in either case; then come the "affidavits," the sworn depo- 
 sitions ; then follow the cross-examinations; after which, the 
 charge and the verdict. In my case it was a favourable one, 
 and I was almost out of my senses with delight. 
 
 The Bishop, with whom my acquaintanceship had never 
 betrayed my secret, was to leave Ireland in a few days, and 
 the Prince, to whom I told everything, with the kindness of 
 a true friend, promised that he would take the very same day 
 for his own departure. The remainder we were to leave to 
 fortune. Love-making left me little time for any other 
 thoughts ; but still as, for appearance' sake, I was obliged 
 to pass some hours of every day apart from Donna Maria, I 
 took the occasion of one of these forced absences to visit a 
 scene which had never quitted my mind through all the 
 changeful fortunes of my life — the little spot where I was 
 born. Rising one morning afc break of day, I set out for 
 Horseleap, to see once more, and for the last time, the
 
 CONCLUSION. 4 ( J'o 
 
 humble home of my childhood. The distance was about 
 sixteen miles ; but as I rode slowly, my mind full of old 
 memories and reflections, I did not reach the place till nigh 
 noon. Alas! I should never have known the spot! There 
 had been a season of famine and pestilence, and now the 
 little village was almost tenantless. Many of the cabins were 
 unroofed : in some, the blackened rafters bore tokens of fire. 
 The one shop, that used to supply the humble luxuries of the 
 poor, was closed, and I passed on with a heavy heart towards 
 the cross-roads where " Con's Acre " lay. 
 
 I had not gone far when my eye, straining to catch it, 
 detected the roof of the cabin rising above the little thorn 
 hedge that flanked the road. Ay, there was the old stone- 
 quarry I used to play in, as a child, fancying that its granite 
 sides were mountain precipices, and its little pools were lakes. 
 There was the gate on which for hours long I have sat, gazing 
 at the bleak expanse of moorland, and wondering if all the 
 wide world beyond had nothing fairer or more beautiful than 
 this. 
 
 "Who lives in that cabin yonder?" asked I, of a peasant 
 on the road. 
 
 The man replied that it was " the minister ; " adding his 
 name, which, however, I could not catch. Long as I had 
 been away from Ireland, I could not forget that this was the 
 especial tide given to the Protestant clergyman of the parish, 
 and I rode up to the door wondering how it chanced that he 
 was reduced to a dwelling of such humble pretensions. An 
 old woman came out as I drew up, and told me that the 
 curate was from home, but would be back in less than an 
 hour ; requesting me to " put in my beast," and sit down in 
 the parlour till he came. 
 
 I accepted the invitation, followed her into the cabin, 
 which, although in a condition of neatness very different 
 from what I remembered it of old, brought back all my boyish 
 days in an instant. There was the fireside, where with naked 
 feet roasting before the blazing turf, I had sat and slept full 
 many an hour, dreaming of adventures which were as nothing 
 to those my real life had met with. There the corner where 
 I used to sit, throughout the night, copying those law papers 
 my father would bring back with him from Kilbeggan. There 
 stood the little bed, where often I have sobbed myself to sleep, 
 when, wearied and worn out, I was punished for some trifling 
 omission, some slight and accidental mistake. I sat down, 
 and covered my face with my hands, for a sense of my utter 
 loneliness in the world came suddenly over me ; I felt as if
 
 491 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN. 
 
 this poor hovel was my only real home, and that all my 
 success in life was a mere passing dream. 
 
 Meanwhile the old woman, with true native volubility, was 
 explaining how the Bishop — " bad scran to him ! wouldn't 
 let his riv'rence have pace and ease till he kem and lived in 
 the parish, though there wasn't a spot fit for a gentleman in 
 the whole length and breadth of it ! and signs on it," added 
 she, " we had to put up with this little place here, they call 
 Con's Acre, and it was all a ruin when we got it." 
 
 " And who owned this cabin before ?" asked I. 
 
 " A villain they call Con Cregan, your honour; the biggest 
 thief ye ever heard of; he was paid for informin' agin the 
 people, and whin the Government had done wid him, they 
 transported him too ! " 
 
 li Had he any children, this same Con ?" 
 
 " He had a brat of a boy that was drowned at ' say,' they 
 tell me ; but I'd never believe it was that way that Con 
 Cregan's son was to die ! " 
 
 I need scarcely remark that I saw no inducement for pro- 
 longing this conversation, wherein all the facts quoted were 
 already familiar, and all the speculations the reverse of flat- 
 tery ; and I was far more agreeably occupied in discussing 
 the eggs and milk the old lady had placed before me, when 
 the door opened, and the curate entered. A deep cavernous 
 cough, and a stooped figure, announcing the signs of some 
 serious chest disease, were all I had time to observe ; when, 
 with the politeness of a gentleman, he advanced towards 
 me. The first sound of his voice was enough, and I cried 
 out, "Lyndsay! my oldest and best friend — don't you know 
 me?" 
 
 " I am ashamed to say that I do not," said he, faltering, 
 while he still held my hand, and gazed into my face. 
 
 " Not yet ?" asked I again, smiling at the embarrassment 
 of his countenance. 
 
 "Not even yet," said he. " Tell me, I beseech you, where 
 did we meet?" 
 
 " Come here," said I, leading him to the door, and point- 
 ing to the wide-stretching moor that lay before us ; " it was 
 there — yonder, where you see that heavy cloud-shadow steal- 
 ing along, — yonder we first met. Do you kuow me now ?" 
 
 He started ; his pale cheek grew paler, and he fell upon my 
 neck in a burst of tears. Who shall ever know the source, 
 or what the meaning ? They were not of joy, still less of 
 sorrow, — they were the outbreak of a hundred emotions. 
 Old memories of happy days, never to come back — boyish
 
 CONCLUSION. 495 
 
 triumphs, successes, failures — moments of ecstasy — of bitter 
 anguish; his own bleak joyless existence perhaps contrast- 
 ing with mine, and then at last the fell consciousness of the 
 malady in which he was but lingering out life. 
 
 " And here are you, and here I ! " cried he, in a voice 
 which his faltering accents made scarce intelligible ; " who 
 should say that we were to meet thus ? " Then, as if his 
 words had conveyed a meaning of which he was ashamed, he 
 blushed deeply, and said, " And oh, my friend ! how truly 
 you told me that life had its path for each, if we but knew 
 how to choose it." 
 
 I must not say how the hours were passed, nor how it was 
 nightfall ere either of us guessed it. Lyndsay insisted upon 
 hearing every adventure that had befallen me, questioning 
 me eagerly us I went, how each new feature of prosperity 
 had "worked with me," and whether gold had yet hardened 
 my heart, and taught me indifference to the poor. 
 
 I told him of my love, and with such rapturous delight, 
 that he even offered to aid me in my object, by marrying me. 
 to Donna Maria ; a piece of generous zeal, I am certain, that 
 originated less in friendship than in the prospect of a pro- 
 selyte — the niece of a bishop, too ! Poor fellow, he might 
 make many converts if he were thus easily satisfied. 
 
 The next day I drove Donna Maria out for an airing, and, 
 while occupying her mind with various matters, contrived to 
 prolong our excursion to Horseleap. " What a dreary spot 
 you have chosen for our drive ! " said she, looking around 
 her. 
 
 "Do you see yonder little hut," said I, " where the smoke 
 is rising ?" 
 
 " Yes, that poor cabin yonder ! You have not come to 
 show me that?''' said she, laughing. 
 
 "Even so, Maria," said I; "to show you that poor and 
 humble hut, and to tell you that it was there I was born — a 
 peasant's son ; that from that same lowly roof I wandered 
 out upon the world friendless and hungry ; that partly by 
 energy, partly by a resolution to succeed, partly by the daring 
 determination that would not admit a failure, I have become 
 what I am — titled, honoured, wealthy, but still the son of a 
 poor man. I could not have gone on deceiving you, even 
 though this confession should separate us for ever." I could 
 not speak more, nor needed I. Her hand had already clasped 
 mine, as she murmured — "Yours more than ever." 
 
 "Now is the moment, then, to become so," said I, as I 
 lifted her from the carriage and led her within the cabin.
 
 496 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CEEGAN. 
 
 The company were already waiting dinner ere we returned 
 to the Castle. " I have to make our excuses," said I, to the 
 hostess ; " but we prolonged our drive to a considerable 
 distance." 
 
 " Ah, we feared you might have taken the road by the lake, 
 where there is no turning back," said she. 
 
 " Exactly, madam ; that is what we did precisely, for we 
 are married!" 
 
 Need I dwell upon the surprise and astonishment of this 
 announcement ? The Bishop — fortunately it was in Spanish 
 — uttered something very like an oath. The bride blushed — 
 some of the ladies looked shocked — the men shook hands 
 with me, and the Prince, saluting Donna Maria with a most 
 hearty embrace, begged to say, " that the lady would be very 
 welcomely received in Paris, since it was the only drawback 
 to my appointment as an ambassador — that I was unmarried." 
 
 Here I have done, — not that my Confessions are exhausted, 
 but that I fear my reader's patience may be ; I may, however, 
 #add that this was not the only " Spanish marriage " in which 
 I had a share, — that my career in greatness was not less 
 eventful than my life in obscurity, and that I draw up at this 
 stage, leaving it for the traveller to say if he should ever care 
 hereafter to journey further with me. 
 
 ^/L^Ck&~i^±^~^ THE END. r^ ^^CcM^ %^ LyAwS^t^W 
 
 
 Woodfall & Kinder, Printers, Mi'lford Lane, Strand, London, W.C.
 
 tr
 
 UHIVERS 
 
 t0S 
 
 ANCLES. CAU 

 
 ■ 

 
 - ^m 
 
 ' 
 
 ■ III 
 
 ■ 
 
 
 *■# 
 
 
 
 ^^H ■ ■ 1 1 . 
 
 ■ I '4 
 
 ■ 
 
 ■ 
 
 I 
 
 ■V I I 
 
 I 
 
 t..- ; . 
 
 
 
 ■ I
 
 
 j J |H|Hi