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 THE KING'S CLASSICS UNDER 
 THE GENERAL EDITORSHIP OF 
 PROFESSOR GOLLANCZ
 
 THE FALSTAFF LETTERS
 
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 THE FALSTAFF 
 LETTERS BY JAMES 
 WHITE 
 
 ALEXANDER MORING LIMITED 
 THE DE LA MORE PRESS 
 32 GEORGE STREET HANOVER 
 SQUARE LONDON W 1904
 
 " GOLDEN LADS AND LASSES MUST, 
 
 AS CHIMNEY-SWEEPERS, COME TO DUST 
 
 JAMES WHITE IS EXTINCT, WITH HIM THESE SUPPERS HAVE LONG 
 CEASED. HE CARRIED AWAY WITH HIM HALF THE FUN OF THE 
 WORLD WHEN HE DIED OF MY WORLD AT LEAST." 
 
 " JEM WHITE, THERE NEVER WAS HIS LIKE. WE SHALL NEVER 
 SEE SUCH DAYS AS THOSE IN WHICH JEM FLOURISHED." 
 
 "A COPY OF THIS WORK SOLD AT THE ROXBURGH SALE FOR FIVE 
 GUINEAS. WE HAVE BOTH BEFORE AND SINCE THAT TIME PICKED 
 IT UP AT STALLS FOR EIGHTEEN PENCE. READER, IF YOU SHALL 
 EVER LIGHT UPON A COPY IN THE SAME WAY, WE COUNSEL YOU 
 TO BUY IT. WE ARE DECEIVED IF THERE BE NOT IN IT MUCH 
 OF THE TRUE SHAKESPEARIAN STUFF." 
 
 CHARLES LAMB.
 
 The Present Edition. This edition of the 
 
 Original Letters, etc., of Sir John Falstaff has been pre- 
 pared from the editio prince-ps, published in 1796 : 
 
 " Original Letters, etc., of Sir John Falstaff and his 
 Friends ; now first made public by a gentleman, a 
 descendant of Dame Quickly, from genuine manu- 
 scripts which have been in the possession of the Quickly 
 family near four hundred years. London : printed for 
 the author; and published by Messrs. G. G. and J. 
 Robinsons, Paternoster Row; J. Debrett, Piccadilly; 
 and Murray and Highley, No. 32, Fleet Street." The 
 Dedication to " Master Samuel Irelande " is in black- 
 letter. 1 
 
 A second edition, or rather an issue of the old 
 
 1 ;'. e. Samuel Ireland, Junior, (William Henry Ireland,) the 
 forger of Shakespeare Manuscripts, then recently exposed by 
 Edmund (" Edmonde") Malone. 
 ix 
 
 2063808
 
 copies, with a new title-page, appeared in 1797 ; " the 
 second edition. Dedicated to Master Samuel Irelande." 
 A reprint of the book was published in 1877, by B. 
 Robson, 43 Cranbourn Street, Leicester Square, dedi- 
 cated " to the dear and delightful memory of Charles 
 Lamb " " this new edition of a book which he loved 
 to praise." A monograph on the author was prefixed 
 to the edition. The original frontispiece was not 
 given. It is now reproduced for the first time. 
 
 The Author. James White, Charles Lamb's 
 schoolfellow and friend, born in 1775, his friend's 
 junior by a few weeks, entered Christ's Hospital in 
 1783, and remained at the school till 1790, when he 
 was transferred to a clerkship in the treasurer's office. 
 Later on he became a newspaper and advertising agent. 
 Southey records that when he first saw Lamb, at the 
 end of 1794 or early in 1795, "his most familiar friend 
 was White, who held some office at Christ's Hospital, 
 and continued intimate with him as long as he lived." * 
 Lamb, Lloyd and White were inseparable in 1798 ; 
 the two latter at one time lodged together, though 
 no two men could be imagined more unlike each other. 
 Lloyd had no drollery in his nature ; White seemed 
 
 1 Southey's Life and Correspondence, 1850, vol. vi. Letter 
 to Edward Moxon, Feb. 2, 1836. 
 x
 
 to have nothing else. You will easily understand how 
 Lamb could sympathize with both. 
 
 White's friends have left affectionate glimpses of 
 the charm, buoyancy and goodliness of his character ; 
 his memory is for ever enshrined in Elia's description 
 of " that annual feast of chimney sweepers," instituted 
 by him, and " at which it was his pleasure to officiate 
 as host and waiter." l In another essay, " On some 
 Old Actors," Lamb tells a good story of " his merry 
 friend Jem White " and Dodd the comedian. From 
 another of White's schoolfellows, John Matthew 
 Gutch, we learn that he was familiarly called " Sir 
 John, from his fondness of personating Falstaff ; so 
 successful was his imitating the character at a masque- 
 rade that he excited the jealousy of some of the 
 company present, supposed to be hired actors for the 
 occasion ; who, with much ill-will, procured a rope 
 and held it across the room (at the Pantheon in 
 Oxford Street), and White was obliged to take a leap 
 over the rope to escape being thrown down." 2 
 
 Gutch notes that " White married a daughter of 
 Faulder, the bookseller, the fortunate purchaser of 
 the copyright of Paley's works. He died, I think, in 
 
 1 Cf. In Praise of Chimney Sweepers. 
 
 2 See Memoir, ed. 1877, p. xix. 
 
 xi
 
 1822, leaving a widow and three children." But in 
 1822, the year of Lamb's contribution to The London 
 Magazine in Praise of Chimney Sweepers, White had 
 already been dead two years. The notice of his death 
 is duly recorded in the issue of The Gentleman's 
 Magazine, May, 1820, as follows : 
 
 " March 13. At his house in Burton Crescent, 
 Mr. James White, Agent of Provincial Newspapers. 
 He was justly endeared to his friends by the qualities 
 of his heart and endearments of his mind. He was 
 the author of an ingenious little work, called " Fal- 
 stafPs Letters,' published soon after the detection 
 of Ireland's celebrated Shakespearian forgery." 
 
 Charles Lamb and the Falstaff Letters. 
 
 " He (i.e. Jem White) and Lamb were joint 
 authors of the Original Letters of Falstaff " ; so 
 wrote Southey to Edward Moxon in 1836, and there 
 can be little doubt that White was not only indebted 
 to Lamb for his first introduction to Shakespeare's 
 Henry IV ', but owed to him more than one hint in 
 the composition of the Letters. The Dedication 
 and Preface (more especially the imprecation on the 
 rump of roast pig) are suggestive of the hand of Elia. 
 Most students of Lamb are inclined to assign these 
 passages to his pen. " Be that as it may," writes the
 
 last of Lamb's scholarly editors, Mr. E. V. Lucas, " it 
 is probably true that White's zest in the making of 
 this book helped towards Lamb's Elizabethan- 
 izing." l 
 
 Lamb's enthusiasm for the Letters may be noted in 
 his own Letters, and in his efforts to win recognition 
 for the book. In his letters to Coleridge in 1796 we 
 find two interesting references : 
 
 " White is on the eve of publishing (he took the 
 hint from Vortigern ^ Original Letters of- Falstaff, 
 Shallow, etc., a copy you shall have when it comes 
 out. They are without exception the best imitations 
 I ever saw." 
 
 " White's Letters are near publication ; could you 
 review 'em, or get 'em reviewed ? Are you not con- 
 nected with the Critical Review ? His frontispiece is 
 a good conceit Sir John learning to dance to please 
 Madam Page, in dress of doublet, etc., from the upper 
 half, and modern pantaloons, with shoes, etc., of the 
 eighteenth century, from the lower half ; and the 
 whole work is full of goodly quips and rare fancies, 
 * all deftly masqued like hoar antiquity ' much 
 
 1 Cf. the Works of Charles Lamb, ed. E. V. Lucas, vol. 
 
 >> P- 467- 
 
 2 ;'. e. Ireland's pseudo-Shakespearian play. 
 
 xiii
 
 superior to Dr. Kenrick's ' Falstaff's Wedding,' l which 
 you have seen." 
 
 Accordingly the following notice appeared in the 
 Critical Review for June 1797 : 
 
 " The humorous characters of Shakespeare have 
 seldom been successfully imitated. Dr. Kenrick 
 wrote a play called Falstaff's Wedding, in which he 
 introduced the merry knight and his companions ; 
 but the peculiar quaintness of the character was lost 
 by being sunk in modern wit. The author of the 
 little work before us has, we think, been somewhat 
 more successful, and must have given his days and 
 nights to the study of the language of Falstaff, Dame 
 Quickly, Slender, etc. His object, indeed, seems 
 to be, to ridicule the late gross imposture of Norfolk 
 Street ; and certain it is, that, had these letters been 
 introduced into the world, prepared in the manner 
 of the Ireland MSS., the internal evidence would 
 have spoken more loudly in their favour. But in 
 whatever esteem they may be held as imitations, they 
 argue no small portion of humour in the writer, who, 
 we understand, is a young man, and this his first 
 
 1 FalstafFs Wedding ; a comedy ; being a sequel to the second 
 part of the play of King Henry the 4th, by W. Kenrick, London, 
 1760 (Preface dated 1766).
 
 attempt. Our extract shall be confined to the 
 Dedication." 
 
 A similar notice appeared in the November issue 
 of the Monthly Review. 
 
 " I hope by this time," Lamb writes to his friend 
 Manning, " you are prepared to say the Falstaff 
 Letters are a bundle of the sharpest, queerest, pro- 
 foundest humours of any these juice-drained latter 
 times have spawned. I should have advertised you 
 that the meaning is frequently hard to be got at ; and 
 so are the future guineas that now lie ripening and 
 aurifying in the womb of some undiscovered Potosi ; 
 but dig, dig, dig, dig, Manning ! " 
 
 Talfourd, in his " Letters of Charles Lamb, with a 
 Sketch of his Life " (London, 1837), notes tnat " tne 
 work was neglected, although Lamb exerted all the 
 influence he subsequently acquired with more popular 
 writers to obtain for it favourable notices, as will 
 be seen from various passages in his letters. He stuck, 
 however, gallantly by his favourite protege ; and even 
 when he could little afford to disburse sixpence, he 
 made a point of buying a copy of the book whenever 
 he discovered one amidst the refuse of a bookseller's 
 stall, and would present it to a friend in the hope of 
 making a convert. He gave me one of these copies
 
 soon after I became acquainted with him, stating that 
 he had purchased it in the morning for sixpence, and 
 assuring me I should enjoy a rare treat in the perusal." l 
 
 Lamb's Notice in "The Examiner." 
 
 Happily, before his death, Jem White had proof of his 
 friend's unabated enthusiasm for the work ; above the 
 four asterisks, indicative of his contributions, Lamb 
 made another final effort to revive interest in the 
 Letters by a laudatory notice appearing in The Examiner 
 for September 5, 1819 : 
 
 " A copy of this work sold at the Roxburgh sale 
 for five guineas. We have both before and since that 
 time picked it up at stalls for eighteenpence. Reader, 
 if you shall ever light upon a copy in the same way, 
 we counsel you to buy it. We are deceived if there 
 be not in it much of the true Shakespearian stuff. We 
 present you with a few of the Letters, which may 
 
 speak for themselves." 
 
 ****** 
 
 1 Cf. vol. i. pp. 12, 13. 
 
 3 Reprinted by Leigh Hunt, in The Indicator, Jan. 24, 1821. 
 In his introductory remarks Leigh Hunt pays an affectionate 
 tribute to White. " Not the least, indeed, of his Shakespearian 
 qualities was an indifference to fame. He was also, like his 
 great inspirer, a gentleman." He adds a reference to their boy- 
 hood at school : " We remember, as he passed through the 
 cloisters, how we used to admire his handsome appearance, and 
 unimprovable manner of wearing his new clothes." 
 xvi
 
 " How say you, reader, do not these inventions 
 smack of Eastcheap ? Are they not nimble, forgetive, 
 evasive ? Is not the humour of them elaborate, 
 cogitabund, farciful ? Carry they not the true image 
 and superscriptions of the father which begat them ? 
 Are they not steeped all over in character subtle, pro- 
 found, unctuous ? Is not here the very effigies of the 
 Knight ? Could a counterfeit Jack Falstaff come by 
 these conceits ? Or are you, reader, one who delights to 
 drench his mirth in tears ? You are, or, peradventure, 
 have been, a lover ; a ' dismissed bachelor,' perchance, 
 one that is ' lass-lorn.' Come, then, and weep over 
 the dying bed of such a one as thyself, weep with us 
 the death of poor Abraham Slender" 
 
 " Should these specimens fail to rouse your curiosity 
 to see the whole, it may be to your loss, gentle reader, 
 but it will give small pain to the spirit of him that 
 wrote this little book ; my fine-tempered friend, J. W. 
 for not in authorship, or the spirit of authorship, 
 but from the fullness of a young soul, newly kindling 
 at the Shakespearian flame, and bursting to be delivered 
 of a rich exuberance of conceits, I had almost said 
 kindred with those of the full Shakespearian genius 
 itself, were these letters dictated. We remember 
 when the inspiration came upon him ; when the plays
 
 of Henry the Fourth were first put into his hands. 
 We think at our recommendation he read them, rather 
 late in life, though still he was but a youth. He may 
 have forgotten, but we cannot, the pleasant evenings 
 which ensued at the Boar's Head (as we called our 
 tavern, though in reality the sign was not that, nor 
 the street Eastcheap, for that honoured place of resort 
 has long since passed away) when over our pottle of 
 Sherris he would talk you nothing but pure Falstaff 
 the long evenings through. Like his, the wit of J. W. 
 was deep, recondite, imaginative, full of goodly figures 
 and fancies. Those evenings have long since passed 
 away, and nothing comparable to them has come in 
 their stead, or can come. We have heard the chimes 
 at midnight." 
 
 xviii
 
 PAGE 
 
 Dedication xxiii 
 
 Preface xxix 
 
 I Falstaff to Prince Henry 3 
 
 II Falstaff to the Prince 5 
 
 III Falstaff to the Prince 10 
 
 IV The Bishop of Worcester to his Highness 
 
 of Wales 13 
 
 V The Prince to Falstaff 16 
 
 VI Falstaff to the Prince 18 
 
 VII Justice Shallow to Davy 21 
 
 VIII To the Right Honourable the Lord Shallow 
 
 Davy to Ditto 24 
 
 IX Antient Pistol to Sir John 27 
 
 X Falstaff to Antient Pistol 29 
 
 XI Corporal Nym to Sir John 31 
 
 XII Falstaff to Antient Pistol 32 
 
 XIII Antient Pistol to Sir John 35 
 
 XIV Deposition taken before Master Robert Shal- 
 
 low, and Master Slender at Windsor . . 36 
 
 XV Antient Pistol and Corporal Nym to Sir John 42 
 
 XVI Mrs. Ford to Sir John Falstaff 43 
 
 XVII Sir John Falstaff to Mrs. Ford 45 
 
 XVIII Falstaff to Brook 47 
 
 xix
 
 FACE 
 
 XIX Falstaff to Brook 49 
 
 XX Mistress Quickly to Sir John Falstaff . . 51 
 
 XXI Mistress Quickly to Sir John Falstaff . . 54 
 
 XXII Sir John Falstaff to Mistress Ursula . . . 56 
 
 XXIII Master Slender to Ann Page 58 
 
 XXIV Sir Hugh Evans to Ann Page 62 
 
 XXV Ancient Pistol to Master Abram Slender . 65 
 
 XXVI Combination of the Windsor Innkeepers . 66 
 
 XXVII Sir John to Antient Pistol 68 
 
 XXVIII Sir John to Corporal Bardolph 71 
 
 XXIX Sir Hugh Evans of the goot town Windsor, 
 
 Priest, to Sir John Falstaff, greeting . . 75 
 
 XXX Sir John to Corporal Bardolph 79 
 
 XXXI Antient Pistol to Sir John Falstaff. ... 83 
 
 XXXII Davy to Shallow 86 
 
 XXXIII Shallow to Davy 90 
 
 XXXIV Davy to Shallow 93 
 
 XXXV Captain Fluellin to Mrs. Quickly . ... 97 
 
 Notes 103 
 
 Index 109
 
 Original Hetters, &c. 
 
 OF 
 
 SIR JOHN FALSTAFF 
 
 AND 
 
 HIS FRIENDS; 
 
 NOW FIRST MADE PUBLIC BY A GENTLEMAN, 
 A DESCENDANT OF 
 
 DAME QUICKLY, 
 
 FROM 
 
 GENUINE MANUSCRIPTS 
 
 WHICH HAVE BEEN IN THE POSSESSION 
 OF THE 
 
 QUICKLY FAMILY 
 
 NEAR FOUR HUNDRED YEARS. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 1796
 
 Jtlaster (Samuel Irtlaunbe. 
 Curtis anfr ^rubitc 
 
 |tin0fa)Cn: unto gon it i0 tohatte maner of 
 menu* there be in thg0 age, toho fceeme theg hot 
 mankpnlie m0chel 0erbj>, tohan in thegre Unb 
 0orte tlteg make mocke at treto sc^tnct, tohgch 
 C0nsi0tetlt for the mxr0t parte, it 0holbe 0eeme, 
 in the notice0 toe habc idtt us at antiquitie. 
 '(Ehere be menne, toh0 thinke sconu of pagn0- 
 takeinQ OHight0 (like you 0r me) toho frxmt the 
 mgne0 xrf remote tyme bj) bjjnte of togle bo 
 brjmge forthe to bieto the ptetiou0 golbe anb 
 the 0ylbere, tohere-in it mag not be farce from 
 om bi0cottr0e to remarke after tohatte fa0hgone 
 the mgne0 I here bi0cu00e bo* biffer from mgne0 
 phg0ic or natural. In a0 moche a0 the0e latter 
 boe renberre uppe thegre trea0ure0 gettt being
 
 rube, anb (as menne romonlg 0aicn) in the oarre ; 
 tohereas those mgnes intellectual, abounben in 
 a sorte of metal, tohgche cometh forthe on- 
 mgngleb togthe baser matter, anb beargnge en- 
 graben onne it the marke anb impresse, tohgche 
 t0 mettne skgtfttl in soche thguges, ani ranbtbe, 
 bothe notiffe ani assure its authentidtie. ^er- 
 abbentnre, neebe is I sholbe here fetthe instaunce 
 from thatte treh) mgne anb rgche bein of poesge 
 btujge out in these last bags bg that gotxnge 
 Jpristotogan, anb tohgche to all sounb mgnbes 
 bib ebibenre a genuine bgrthe. (^ho' there be, 
 toho stgcke notte to affgrme that the antio^ie 
 ^Botoleg teas noe ober thanne the strgplinge 
 Chatterton, therein erring.) ^ote thps is a 
 magne bigressgone from the matter in honbe, 
 tho' therein 3E stanbe noite almie, habing notable 
 exemplar in thatte famose SSight of Jlntiquitie, 
 the Ratine poet 'Bergilius (as ^an Chaucer 
 'clepeth him argghte, tohom the mintgnge month 
 of after tgmes mgs-nameth Virgil). <^lsoe if 
 neebe toere, 5 might here rite the exemplar of 
 thatte grete (Elerke himself e, of tohom his pttpil 
 <penser toele affgrmeth thatte he is a " SHell of 
 (Englishe onbefgleb." <^fter thgs fashgone he
 
 0peaketh. JUtb noto letten ns com* forthtoithe 
 to the main 0ubjecte of owe bi0ronr0e. 
 
 ^ho&z rare ggfte0 of Jfortuna to meniu, the 
 Igghtjmge upon lost rerorbe0, anb the inben- 
 igone * of clt. habe in thgs our bag been farre 
 out-bonne bg thatte raw bisrobme bg gxmr0dfe 
 mabe. ^tll me, curteis Sgrre, toa0 it bg 0pabe 
 anb by mattocke thatte gott bgb fgnbe these 
 goobige thgngee ? cHere tho0e shretobe knabe0 
 caterer0 for gon, to ho bgb fat home a #rabe for 
 jTtt0tre00e phelia? c 9Tho0e mabbe rogne0 toho 
 bgb poke agagn0te the 0ntit of a broil Je0terre, 
 therebg afforbgnge mochc matter of mathema- 
 tgrale fonne for Jrta0ter fJDattrence ^teme? 
 Jrlethink0 gou boe call to tife agagne thatte 
 0toote 0toanne of ^.bonne, toho0e <Songe0 bgb 
 0otmbe 00 ptea0aunt in the earea of thatte peer- 
 Ie00e JHagben ^uene anb renotoneb bictrix of 
 <Spagn, Cti^ab^th. $ote bg the prgce 0ette 
 upon gottr Iabonr0 bg the tontte0 of the age, it 
 0holbe 0eeme lamentable matter of facte, hotoe 
 moche poe0g, anb the prgme phan0ie0 anb 
 ronreipt0 at toitngnge menne are fallen into 
 
 * Inventyone, or discoverie, from the Latin verbe, 
 invcnio. 
 
 xxv
 
 contempt* in these the toorlbis last bages. 
 JJatheless, Jttaster Irelaunbe, letten us not be 
 fruitelesslge caste bourn Ullte tgme bothe faste 
 approche, nag eben nob) is dose at honbe, tohen 
 the oberchargeb doubes of sceptiigsme muste 
 incontinent Ige banish before tonbictione's serener 
 SBelkin, anb (Ebmonbe 0haU in bagne resume 
 hgs labottres. ^rreste thgnc ejjne tooke backc 
 atte the gooblue figure of the auntient ^inighte 
 najje, looke notte cursorge, it is the impresse 
 of a rghgte benerablc picture traunsmitteb 
 botonetoarbes thronghe oure house forre foure 
 honbrebbe geares. .Seest thou notte the antique 
 rharacteres ggrabeb onne the ^elte ? |ponbttesse 
 theg boe reflecte a lighte roltaterale nponne thg 
 derkish manttsrrgptes ; anbe boubtlesse bg a 
 ttoo-folbe operatgone boe theg coufgrme unto 
 the toorlbe bg thcgre ebibenre the truth of the 
 Jfalstaffe ^etteres. ^o conclube ; the matter of 
 fade (as soe it sholbe seeme) muste be pleasaunt 
 anb gratefull untoe thee, Jrtaster Irelaunbe, to 
 knob) thatte in the bages of the Jfifth ^enrg an 
 ancestor of thgne toas a maker of ^runke ^ose, 
 or as it is spoken of in these moberne tgmes, a 
 maker of $Jantaloones. 
 
 xxvi
 
 thatte posteritie 0halt get remu- 
 nerate us far xrare unberiakgnge0 (tohjich are 
 simgtare) tojjthe a Ipke yont^ont of laub anb 
 pragse, 1 b0e rommenbe thee xmto thut be0te 
 fortunes. 
 
 feUotD-tabxmrer in the mgnes of 
 antiquttic, anb mo0te humble serbante 
 to jcommanbe, 
 
 ******
 
 PREFACE 
 
 OF all the valuable remains of antiquity, the world 
 has ever especially patronised those, which any ways 
 tend to develope the characters of men eminent in 
 their day. The curate's sermons we can subscribe 
 to from motives of humanity to his widow ; not to 
 hint at their utility, administered occasionally, as 
 narcotics. A similar impulse, perhaps a fellow- 
 feeling, endears us to the author, whose taylor is 
 importunate. But the familiar papers, and epistolary 
 tablets, of a man renown'd among his cotemporaries, 
 famous through succeeding centuries, happy be his 
 dole, who shall rescue from the Epicurean tooth of 
 vandal moth accurs'd ! The antiquarian shall ever 
 present him the right hand of fellowship ; nor less 
 esteem the yellow colourings ; laid on their nibbled 
 surface by the kindly hand of time, than the mellow 
 hues, with which the same friendly touch hath per- 
 fected some undoubted work of Guido or the Caracci.
 
 I am happy in presenting the world with a series 
 of most interesting manuscript letters, etc. They 
 were found by Mrs. Quickly, Landlady of the Boar 
 Tavern in Eastcheap, in a private drawer, at the left 
 hand corner of a walnut-tree escrutoire, the property 
 of Sir John Falstaff, after the good knights death. 
 At Mrs. Quickly's demise, which happened in August, 
 1419, they devolved, among other Outlandish papers, 
 such as leases, title-deeds, etc., to her heiress at law, 
 an elderly maiden sister ; who, unfortunately for all 
 the world, and to my individual eternal sorrow and 
 regret, of all the dishes in the culinary system, was 
 fond of roast pig. 
 
 A curse on her Epicurean guts, that could not be 
 contented with plain mutton, like the rest of her 
 ancestors ! 
 
 Reader, whenever, as journeying onward in thy 
 epistolary progress, a chasm should occur to interrupt 
 the chain of events, I beseech thee blame not me, but 
 curse the rump of roast pig. This maiden-sister, con- 
 ceive with what pathos I relate it, absolutely made 
 use of several, no doubt invaluable letters, to shade 
 the jutting protuberances of that animal from dispro- 
 portionate excoriation in its circuitous approaches to 
 the fire.
 
 My friend Mr. ****, decypherer of ancient records, 
 on shewing him the manuscripts, and communicating 
 my misfortune, slily hinted at his possession of some 
 curious yellow papers. However gratified I might 
 feel at this instance of his friendship, however practic- 
 able I might conceive it to forge the mere manual 
 characters, how are the escapes, the bursts of humour, 
 of Sir John Falstaff to be delineated, his quips, and 
 his gybes ? No, Sirs, I might as well attempt, (with 
 every respect to Alchymists, Amalgamators, etc. 
 Gentlemen, I bow to you) I might as well attempt 
 to incorporate Solar-essence with Epping-butter. 
 
 It may be objected against the authenticity of my 
 manuscripts, that they do not appear in the proper 
 garb of their age. To this I answer, that I do not 
 make them public for the gratification of the virtuoso, 
 but for the amusement of the whole world ; three- 
 fourths of whom are too far advanced in life, to com- 
 mence their studies in the most noble science of 
 antient orthography. Far be it from me to shrink 
 from the investigation of the scholar, or the critic. 
 Gentlemen, my closet is open to you I very respect- 
 fully entreat your entrance. From your convictions 
 I anticipate, I already hear, the united commands of 
 the whole world vibrate in my ear, to bring forward
 
 other manuscripts in my possession ; manuscripts, 
 which contain many very important traits, and features 
 of character, in Sir John Falstaff, but lightly touched 
 upon by Shakspere. What an immense acquisition 
 to the Theatres ! 
 
 I had once, indeed, thought of giving them a 
 dramatic form, for the purpose of communicating 
 them to the manager of Covent-garden ; but the 
 splendid taste of the age, incessantly calling on him 
 for gaudes and shews, the very nature of which must 
 necessarily arrest his whole attention, I fear'd they 
 might be laid on the shelf " that Bourn whence no 
 Traveller returns ; " and thus, with other valuable 
 writings, be lost to the world. Superadded to this, a 
 species of delicacy I cannot describe, 'tis nearly allied 
 to pride, forbad my parting with them unsolicited. 
 Perhaps a respectful application from the manager, 
 Mr. Harris, through the medium of Mr. F*** or 
 
 any other distinguished performer, might conduce 
 
 But really this [is] so delicate a subject, that 
 
 It may be asked how they came into my possession ? 
 I beseech thee, good Mr. Inquisitive, urge not the 
 question. Of all the occupations subservient to the 
 views of man, none was ever to me so vituperative, as, 
 that of a publican. What the street- walker is in the
 
 flesh, that is the publican in the spirit, amenable to 
 the caprice of ever)' unbridled passion. And yet, 
 that I should have emigrated from the loins of a 
 publican, be bred, no, not bred, born and begotten of 
 a publican ! Whence can the fatality arise ! Reader, 
 the manuscript came to me by direct inheritance. 
 
 Master Quickly, Master Quickly, amid thy daily 
 roar of subaltern base-born revelry, thou art little 
 conscious of the illustrious personages that once hon- 
 oured thy roof l ; of the memorials that yet remain of 
 their be[long]ing to an estranged branch of thy race. 
 The names of Falstaff, Hal, Corporal Bardolph, are 
 strange tothee. I do not marvel: for they have ceased, 
 Master Quickly, to be on thy score. Yet if thy blood 
 is not utterly degenerate, if any particle remains to 
 thee of the dignity of our house, put thy pipe into 
 thy mouth, and walk sedately with me. 
 
 A sage writer remarks, tho' time obliterateth, yet 
 not relentless in his ravages, he leaveth some slight 
 traditionary token to sooth the memory of past times. 
 
 Shut the door. Thou art now, where Sir John was 
 wont to solace himself, in the identical Pomegranate. 2 
 
 1 The Boar's-head in Eastcheap, now a common pot-house. 
 
 2 A room so called in the Boar Tavern, which Sir John was 
 partial to. 
 
 xxxiii c
 
 Doth not the genius of the place silently rebuke thy 
 pride, that hath taken a flight so far beneath thy 
 ancestry ? 
 
 The Boar's-head, in days of yore the resort of every 
 quality proper and handsome, to become a rendezvous 
 for the many-specied scions of the mechanick-stock ! 
 The Pomegranate, ancient receptacle of illustrious 
 wits, bloods, who " Daff'd the world aside, and bid 
 it pass," to be choak'd with the seeds of every baser 
 
 plant! It is not well By the fat Friar's scalp of 
 
 merry Sherwood, it is not well. 
 
 Thy grandam, Master Quickly, was a wight, in 
 whom the culinary attainments of man delighted to 
 reside. She mingled nectareous sack. Thou art 
 more. Thou art a pious householder. In the twelfth 
 hour of the night, when thy cattle, and the stranger, 
 and the ass, and all that is within thy gate, are 
 assembled to offer up their orisons, call thou aloud 
 upon the indignant manes of the departed Knight 
 confess thy degeneracy promise purgation of his 
 polluted haunts, and if so his shade will be pacified, 
 that the merry sackbut shall supersede the clanking 
 of pewter, throughout the Boar. At such an hour, 
 if there be any convexity in thy roofs, cxptct thou a 
 solemn answer.
 
 I have yet a point to settle, and then I leave thee 
 to the bustle of thy domiciliary degeneration. Thou 
 hast misused me damnably, Master Quickly. Not 
 Zeno with all his stoics about him not Job with all 
 his oxen about him, would bear my wrongs patiently. 
 Had I blasted the Boar's good name, had I libidinously 
 approach'd mine hostess, and wound a recheat on thy 
 brow, thou hadst some shadow of reason ; but to 
 maltreat a kind, philanthropick, well-disposed gentle- 
 man, disinterestedly coming forward for the amuse- 
 ment of the whole world, all his own concerns stag- 
 nant! Oh ! 'tis very foul and unmannered. I desire 
 thou wilt go to Mr. Robinson's, and take six copies 
 of this my publication, paying the full price for each, 
 individually. 
 
 Thou seest, I am incontinently prone to lenity, 
 even to the very detriment of my fortunes. Canst 
 thou imagine, that any other writer of my merits, 
 elaborate, cogitabund, fanciful in the garnishment of 
 a quaint conceit, and reeking with my disappointments, 
 would be pacified with so trivial a concession ? I 
 look'd to have seen a smug, proper gentleman step 
 from his chair in the Pomegranate, and vote each 
 member a set of the Knight's adventures. I look'd 
 I should have received ten pounds ; and, by the
 
 Martyrdom of holy Polycarp, thou hast no more club, 
 than is compounded of labouring smiths, circumcis'd 
 Anglo- Hebrews, and revolted apprentices ; such a 
 farrago of unhous'd Arabs, as Lazarus himself would 
 have scorn'd consortance with. Oh! thou hast much 
 misus'd me a' God's name, let the stable be cleansed 
 to work with Herculean brawn ! To work ! to 
 work ! to work ! 
 
 There is a certain description of writers, whose 
 great volubility of genius cannot stop calmly and 
 soberly to look behind ever and anon, and gather up 
 the errors and absurdities of a warm imagination. 
 No 'tis too mechanical for your picked man of genius. 
 He blindly pushes forward for the goal, nor ever 
 even steps aside, unless indeed, Atalanta-like, to catch 
 at a golden apple. Cervantes seems to have been of 
 this class ; or he would certainly have never thought 
 of mounting Dapple on Panza, (I beg Sancho's pardon, 
 I mean) Panza on Dapple, when the rogue Gynes was 
 at the same time bestride him a dozen miles distant. 
 
 I thank Nature (I think it a blessing) for having 
 cast me in a more phlegmatic mould. Reader, the 
 Preface is but short look back. If thou hast caught 
 me tripping, if I am in aught accountable to thee, 
 I promise to explain or rectify in my next edition.
 
 ORIGINAL LETTERS
 
 / Fat staff to Prince Henry 
 
 HERE, young gentleman, go you to the Prince. 
 Robert Shallow, esq. ; hath sent thee a haunch of 
 Gloucestershire venison, Hal ; with a good commodity 
 of pippins, carraways, commendations, and remem- 
 brances. Ha ! ha ! ha ! I tell thee what, Hal, thou 
 art most damnably down in the withers ; thou art, as 
 it were, a Prince without weight. An I don't plump 
 thee out like a Christmas turkey, then am I a rogue. 
 
 Oh ! I am sitting on a nest of the most unfledg'd 
 cuckoos that ever brooded under the wing of hawk. 
 Thou must know, Hal, I had note of a good hale 
 recruit or two in this neighbourhood. In other 
 shape came I not ; look to it, Master Shallow, that in 
 other shape I depart not. but I know thou art ever 
 all desire to be admitted a Fellow-Commoner in a 
 iest. Robert Shallow, esq., judgeth the hamlet of 
 Cotswold. Doth not the name of Judge horribly 
 chill thee ? 
 
 With Aarons rod in his hand, he hath the white 
 beard of Moses on his chin. In good-sooth his per- 
 petual countenance is not unlike what thou wouldst 
 3
 
 conceit of the momentary one of the lunatic Jew, 
 when he tumbled God's Tables from the Mount. 
 
 He hath a quick busy gait, and a huge soldier-like 
 beaver, surmounted with a cockade. The valourous 
 Justice, at the head of some dozen or two domestics 
 and others, once apprehended a brace of deserters ; 
 and ever since doth he assume this badge Ha ! ha ! 
 ha! 
 
 More of this upright Judge (perpendicular as a 
 pikeman's weapon, Hal,) anon. 
 
 I would dispatch with these Bardolph ; but the 
 knave's Hands (I cry thee mercy) his Mouth is full, 
 in preventing desertion among my recruits. An 
 every liver among them han't stood me in 3 and 
 40 shilling, then am I a naughty escheator. I tell 
 thee what, Hal, I'd fight against my conscience for 
 never a prince in Christendom but thee. Oh! this is 
 a most damnable cause, and the rogues know it 
 they'll drink nothing but sack of three and two-pence 
 a gallon, and I enlist me none but tall puissant fellows 
 that would quaff me up Fleet-ditch, were it filled with 
 sack pick'd men, Hal, such as will shake my lord of 
 York's mitre. I pray thee, sweet lad, make speed 
 thou shah see glorious deeds ! 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF. 
 
 4
 
 IIFalstaff to the Prince 
 
 HA! ha! ha! support me, Hal! support me! An 
 I don't quake more than when the luna tick sheriff would 
 ha' carted me for Newgate, there's nought goodly in 
 a cup of sack. Oh! I am damnably provided here 
 Let me pawn as many points in my wind, as dame 
 Prodigal's whelp Necessity hath impress'd of my 
 chattels for centinel-service in Mistress Ursula's shop, 
 and never a stitch on 'em would that Bardolph redeem. 
 I might overwhelm myself, and rot on the ground. 
 An there was not a little smack of kind-heartedness 
 in sugar-candy, God help old Jack ! he might lie in 
 the glebe for brawn-feed. Here is master Robert 
 Shallow, with his rod of justice hath done what Sir 
 Colevile, or the Scotchman Douglas, aye, or young 
 Harry himself, would have given his ears to atchieve 
 he hath put me down, Hal. I would to God Cotswold 
 were in Spain, for there the gentlemen do never 
 laugh by the Lord, this uncomb'd hemp-stalk doth 
 breed more convulsive propensities in man, than is in 
 a whole fry of stricken Finsmen ; and yet it is all un- 
 wittingly ; though his countenance be as sharp as 
 5
 
 the tweak of a bully, his wit is as benumbing too. 
 Here hath been a whoreson murderer brought before 
 him ; the Elder would enforce my assistance Ha ! 
 ha ! ha ! mine, Hal ! who was never seated on 
 bench, except indeed at mine hostess's, in the way 
 of unbuttoning to my vespers after dinner ; and I 
 would to God every geminy of Nuns in his Majesty's 
 dominions had my dispossession of the frail creature in 
 their worship they'd not want for miracle-working I 
 can assure 'em. Well, Hal, when I look'd the rogue 
 should be committed for trial, lo ! Robert commanded 
 he should be immediately hung up by the gills ! 
 'Twas not that Robert was unjust or cruel no. 
 Robert quak'd at the ferocious furrows on the rogue's 
 brow. There was a jail at hand ; the rogue was 
 gyv'd and yet Robert quak'd ha ! ha ! ha ! Master 
 Silence the Law-giver too savoured shrewdly of dismay 
 he thought the man might in conscience be hung 
 Davy might help his good coz. he'd take it upon 
 nis word Cotswold records had it in point ha ! ha ! 
 ha ! Thou knowest, Hal, it was not for me to crop 
 the green ears of a goodly joke-harvest I am no 
 April scythesman with the alacrity of a shrewd 
 easer I gathered up the errant Gybelings of my 
 brow, and commended their Worships' quick ad- 
 6
 
 ministration of justice An if the knave had swung, 
 what the goodger ! 'Stead of county yeomen on a 
 base bench, he had his jury of kites and daws to sit on 
 him, under the sweet canopy of the skies. But Davy, 
 Davy, Davy, dole'd him a longer life. This many- 
 specied subaltern of master Shallow's, being advised 
 of the matter, quickly halted in under the yoke of a 
 villainous tub of Jew's-bane, a pannier of newly- 
 stucken hog's-blood, or I'm the impotentest varlet 
 that ever tilted at lip. Wouldst thou believe it, Hal? 
 Barabbas was instantly commanded to prison Davy, 
 and his crimson fry, to Shallow were of more import 
 than the chariest bona-roba in all Eastcheap to thee, 
 thou naughty hip-o'-the-hawthorn lover. Oh ! thou 
 would'st have distill'd most damnably, to hear the 
 shrill judge and his man, like Judas and the 
 High-priest, pass busy question and answer upon 
 the price of blood ! Davy had transported the 
 reeking mass to Robin Pluck's coiner of puddings 
 Robin admitted the complexion of the commodity 
 'twas excellent but Robin thought half a noble a 
 long shot ha ! ha ! ha ! Master Pluck, let me 
 counsel thee. An the wrath of Robert Shallow esq., 
 be not a commodity of July weather, master Pluck 
 look to thyself thou wilt be most damnably amerc'd 
 7
 
 master Pluck, thou wilt be as bare as a drawn goose, 
 an thou dost not smooth thy ruffled feathers, and com- 
 pound, master Pluck, thou wilt be doubly amerc'd 
 Robert Shallow, esquire, hath said it ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 I pray God, Bardolph be not whipt for a whoreson 
 knave He hath despatched a coop of trodden pullet 
 for Eastcheap rare living, Hal ! rare sperm for 
 Sherris ! but the rogue hath not advised master Shal- 
 low of their march, and Robert hath a most damn- 
 able yearning bowel toward his company. We must 
 be chary of their blood, Hal do not thou lead them 
 into action ere I do come. A plague upon all hurry, 
 say I. An it had not been for the overweening 
 hotbloods at York, who did madly join battle ere 
 valour could arrive to shew itself, I should have been 
 made a Duke, and now must I tarry till thou art King. 
 Well, I shall look to be accoutred forth to my dignities, 
 I can assure thee Some bright emblem to outshine 
 Courtier-hood a pretty slight model of Dame Venus 
 in her evening orbit, or the puissant Mars in the 
 moment of tilting. No little mad-cap shooting star 
 to twinkle in my portly firmament. 
 
 Here is mistress Quickly, mine hostess, doth indite 
 to me for monies. I am not a walking exchequer 
 she cannot draw upon my ribs. I would, my sweet 
 8
 
 Hal, thou'dst send her to one Harry Monmouth, a 
 sprightly mad wag of some six foot high, who doth 
 much resort unto the Boar Tavern. He is much my 
 debtor. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF.
 
 IlIFalstaff to the Prince 
 
 I PR'YTHEE, Hal, lend me thy 'kerchief. An thy 
 unkindness ha'nt started more salt gouts down my 
 poor old cheek, than my good rapier hath of blood 
 from foemen's gashes in 5 and 30 year's service, then 
 am I a very senseless mummy. I squander away 
 in drinkings monies belonging to the soldiery ! I do 
 deny it they have had part the surplus is gone in 
 charity accuse the parish-officers make them re- 
 store the whoreson wardens do now put on the 
 cloaca of supplication at the church doors, intercept- 
 ing gentlemen for charity, forsooth ! 'Tis a robbery, 
 a villainous robbery ! to come upon a gentleman 
 reeking with piety, God's book in his hand ! brim- 
 full of the sacrament ! Thou knowest, Hal, as I 
 am but man, I dare in some sort leer at the plate 
 and pass, but as I have the body and blood of Christ 
 within me, could I do it ? An I did not make an 
 oblation of a matter of ten pound after the battle of 
 Shrewsbury, in humble gratitude for thy safety, Hal, 
 then am I the veriest transgressor denounced in God's
 
 code. But I'll see them damn'd ere I'll be charitable 
 again. Let 'em coin the plate let them coin the 
 holy chalice. 
 
 To say that I have not naturalized master Silence, 
 that I stand not on the debtor side of accounts with 
 him, would be horribly forgetful and incorrect to 
 say that he shall see my coinage in the way of honour- 
 able reimbursement, gentleman-like repayment, would 
 savour much of honesty, 'tis true, but more (I confess 
 it, I confess it, Hal) of leasing. 
 
 To say that I feel not a kind of tendre for master 
 Robert Shallow, while he hath sack, beeves, with 
 emanating bowels towards old Sir John, would be- 
 speak me the Infidel, the Jew but to confess (saving 
 a certain respect due to the asseveration of my sweet 
 Hal) that I love the man Shallow, or the man Silence, 
 in other shape or degree than as the leech loveth the 
 temple, much less that I have squandered monies on 
 these raw bare-brain'd yonkers, fit only to be worn on 
 bankrupt days by Uncertificated Wits to confess 
 that I have familiarized my person to their companies, 
 to the detriment of thy father's affairs, setting the 
 seemliness of gentlemanhood aside, would be lying in 
 my throat through the false passage of my mouth, 
 would render the base pander my tongue worthy
 
 the center of a pewter dish, to be crimp'd with capon, 
 and engulph'd for a disobedient Jonas. 
 
 For thy father's sickness, I am not Esculapius, or I 
 would prune and restore the old oak but it hath 
 shed it's acorns, and now comes winter Is not the 
 progression natural ? 
 
 No more of the departed monies, Hal, an thou 
 lovest me. Wouldst thou rake up the ashes of the 
 dead ? Nay, an if that's thy humour, then must 
 Pluto become a child of sight. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF.
 
 IV The Bishop of Worcester to his 
 Highness of Wales 
 
 IF to do away insinuations of disaffection be as 
 acceptable to a magnanimous prince, as it is indis- 
 pensable to the subtle honour of a representative of 
 Christ Jesus, I shall feel the less compunction in turn- 
 ing for a moment the current of your Highness's 
 weighty thoughts ; but they are already here ; they 
 must flow, my lord, with the channelled blood of the 
 thousands of unabsolved souls lately sacrificed at the 
 shrine of the Arch-deceiver Rebellion. 
 
 Among the many Lords, Knights, and Esquires, 
 resorting to Shrewsbury to render oblations for the 
 issue of this eventful contest, was the knight Sir John 
 Falstaff. This layman, who accuseth me to your high- 
 ness of disaffection, hath sullied his name in arms by 
 defiling the sacred temple of his God. He is excom- 
 municate; nor can aught, save the toe of the Almighty's 
 vice-regent, save him from everlasting perdition. My 
 lord, while other barons and knights, his majesty's 
 liege-subjects, were making rich oblations and en- 
 dowments for the maimed soldiery, while the priest- 
 '3
 
 hood chaunted forth the excellencies of charity, and 
 the offertory laboured with costly gifts, the solemnities 
 were suddenly arrested by the clamours of Sir John 
 Falstaff, and a crew of disorderly retainers, for bread 
 and wine. The functionaries of the Highest were 
 blasphemously attacked with gross speech and uncouth 
 phrase, and the sacred wine riotously and tumult- 
 uously ravished from their hands. Menaces of your 
 highness's displeasure were muted from his unclean 
 lips, and the vassals of the holy Virgin excited 
 to irreverent demeanour by gesticulations more 
 seemly to the spontaneous soil of youth, than the 
 furrowed glebe of age. They were recreantly ex- 
 pelled, and solemn excommunication pronounced 
 against this impious man, who had profanely tendered 
 a copper groat as an oblation, and libidinously drank 
 with carnal appetite the blood of his Redeemer. If 
 here, my lord, be room for treason, if the anathema 
 of the Church weigh too heavily with this contempt 
 of its jurisdiction, I am content that imputed dis- 
 affection to my liege fill up the balance. 
 
 There is another matter, my lord. Sir John, as I 
 
 am well advised, is no purlieuman. By the statute of 
 
 his deceased majesty, none is to hunt unpossessed of 
 
 certain hereditary lands. This knight hath not the 
 
 M
 
 substance of a pace; yet under the cloak of your 
 highness's sacred name, his hounds unleashed by 
 swain-motes, are loosed to every demesne. His 
 soldiers, the curbing yoke of discipline slipped from 
 their franchised necks, yerk at the imprescript, but 
 sacred laws of society, and bleed the unredressed 
 peasantry ; nay, himself standeth not unaccused of 
 certain enormities. In the ejectment of this unworthy 
 man, the sacred service of the altar was violated. God 
 forbid that suspicion should undeservedly call down a 
 two-fold infamy, and blend sacrilege with impiety ; 
 but the very precisian, my lord, hath here scope for 
 liberal conjecture : the silver candlesticks dedicated 
 to the service of the holy Virgin were stolen. True 
 the unhallowed theft may be ascribed to other than 
 the knight or his retainers, for the tainted wether 
 doth infect the whole flock ; but, my lord, when 
 Judas betrayed his master, the tumult of his followers 
 was but a cloak for the All hail ! 
 
 Your Highness' liege-subject, 
 
 WORCESTER.
 
 FThe Prince to Falstaff 
 
 AND so, Jack, thou didst piously offer up ten pound 
 in humble gratitude for my safety Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 Here is Ned Poins doth protest 'twas much more In 
 good truth, Percy was a lusty warrior. How long 
 didst lay, Jack ? Fifteen minutes, as thou say'st, by 
 Shrewsbury clock. By the mass, a very miser! Thou 
 should'st have sacrificed fifty times ten pound, and 
 covered a score rood with thy fat offerings. Had 
 Hotspur been the minion of the God, farewell Jack ! 
 he had certainly mistaken thee for my grease-pot, yea, 
 dipped his sword in thy ribs, and sounded a retreat. 
 
 I pr'ythee hast ever beheld Satan, where the 
 Apostle hath placed him a tip-toe on the pinnacle 
 of the Temple ? not in Judea, Jack. Thou may'st 
 view him, sans optick, at thy own Jerusalem, Eastcheap, 
 on mine hostess's tapestry. What say'st thou to a 
 likeness of him, with me at thy side for a Saviour ? 
 Not the hoary Roman, whom the Gaul caught by the 
 chin, could show more ample reverence of beard than 
 doth the tempter (meaning thee), or more meekness 
 of carriage (that's myself, Jack), than the tempted. 
 
 My lord of Worcester, methinks, hath most ex- 
 16
 
 cellent characters. See here his letter. By Harry 
 Percy dead, but he should be a pope. Why he would 
 rate rebellion, that not a Scot would dare to call us 
 Bolingbrokes, for very dread of his anathema. Canst 
 thou not help him to the triple crown, Jack ; thou, 
 and Bardolph, and Pistol ? a copper groat, marry, 
 and a pair of silver candlesticks, to bribe my lords 
 cardinals ha! ha! ha ! Well, Jack, thou art excom- 
 municate ; and whether the bosom of the church 
 ever receives thee again, no matter There's nobody, 
 I believe, cares less than thyself. For his holiness' 
 toe I pr'ythee hast good pig's trotters with thy 
 Shallow law-giver ? Which had'st rather muzzle ? 
 The barefoot is a pleasant pilgrimage to Rome. 
 
 Ned Poins doth insist thou art nine pounds nineteen 
 shillings eight-pence my debtor Why, thou vaunting 
 Pharisee, what is become of thy ten pound oblation ? 
 I tell thee what, Jack, Here is my father much sick 
 I may be a king, heaven knows how soon, perchance 
 to-night If ever thou dost cloak excess beneath the 
 name of Harry the Fifth if ever receive bribes to 
 conceal rebels, (and this thou knowest I am well 
 advised of) thy look'd-for exaltation shall be on the 
 gallows of Haman. 
 
 Farewell ! 
 17 c
 
 VIFalstaff to the Prince 
 
 HA ! ha ! ha ! And dost them think I would not 
 offer up ten pound for thee ? Yea, a hundred 
 more But take heed of displeasing in thy sacrifice. 
 Cain did bring a kid, yea, a firstling upon the altar, 
 and the blaze ascended not. Abel did gather simple 
 herbs, penny-royal, Hal, and mustard, a four-penny 
 matter, and the odour was grateful I had ten pound 
 for the holy offertory mine ancient Pistol doth know 
 it but the angel did arrest my hand. Could I go 
 beyond the word ? The angel which did stretch forth 
 his finger, lest the good patriarch slay his son. 
 
 That Ned Poins hath more colours than a jay, more 
 abuse than a taught pie, and for wit the cuckow's 
 dam may be Fool of the Court to him. I lie down at 
 Shrewsbury out of base fear ! I melt into roods, 
 and acres, and poles ! I tell thee what, Hal, there's 
 not a subject in the land hath half my temperance 
 of valour. Did I not see thee combating the man- 
 queller, Hotspur ; yea, in peril of subduement ? was 
 it for me to lose my sweet Hal without a thrust, 
 having my rapier, my habergeon, my good self about 
 It
 
 me? I did lie down in the hope of sherking him in the 
 rib. Four drummers and a fifer did help me to the 
 ground. Didst thou not mark how I did leer upon 
 thee from beneath my buckler ? That Poins hath more 
 scurrility than is in a whole flock of disquieted geese. 
 
 For the rebels I did conceal, thou should'st give me 
 laud. I did think thou wert already encompassed 
 with more enemies than the resources of man could 
 prevent overwhelming thee ; yea, that thou wert the 
 dove on the waters of Ararat, and didst lack resting- 
 place. Was it for me to heap to thy manifold dis- 
 quiets ? Was it for me to fret thee with the advice of 
 more enemies than thou didst already know of ? I 
 could not take their lives, and therefore did I take 
 their monies. I did fine them, lest they should 
 'scape, Hal, thou dost understand me, without chas- 
 tisement ; yea, I fined them for a punishment. They 
 did make oath on the point of my sword to be true 
 men An the rogues foreswore themselves, and joined 
 the Welchman, let them look to it 'tis no 'peach- 
 ment of my virtue. 
 
 Thou didst conceit me a cherisher of rebellion I 
 must hang, forsooth, upon conception ! Fie, Hal, 
 Fie ! Didst thou ever know mother to wean upon 
 conception ? Fie ! 
 
 '9
 
 Mine host Shallow doth greet thee well ; he 
 doth protest " thou art a good backswordsman, 
 or the young earl's degree would never have been 
 lowered; the Northumbrians were ever good at 
 fence." 
 
 He doth remember the old duke at tournament, 
 Hal. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 I do purpose entertaining the Justice at Eastcheap 
 a rare guest, Hal, Justice at mistress Quicldy's ; but 
 therefore the more welcome. Oh ! he will give thee 
 the dry laugh till thou art as much disjointed, yea, 
 as the gates of Gaza. He will be a very Sampson 
 unto thee He will pluck thee down. 
 
 I come, Master Shallow, I come. I am bidden to 
 supper, Hal. Let me hear of thee, but a' God's 
 name no more acrimony, an thou lovest 
 
 JACK FALSTAFF.
 
 VII Justice Shallow to Davy 
 
 How do affairs go ? How do things go on, Davy ? 
 Are the sheep-stealers taken ? Marry, bid Robin 
 Bratton look to the deer, and let there be a fall among 
 the pollards that look to the cleys. We must have a 
 good prospect, Davy We don't look far enough A 
 lord should look far I must have a pedigree con- 
 ceived. Pelt, the tanner, must get some skins ready, 
 a large skin or two a new lord hath always a new 
 pedigree. Bid William take the streaked ram from 
 the ewes, and let the 14 acre headland be thrown 
 into the park marry, for the red wheat it must not 
 appear. A sad loss, Davy, but the rutting must have 
 scope. We must enlarge the deer-field Sir John loves 
 venison. 
 
 I hope, Davy, you comport yourself as becomes the 
 representative of one of the quorum. I would be 
 understood, that you keep up your dignity, and carry 
 your body discreetly, and soberly, and sedately, and 
 not prabble and drink at common houses. You are 
 too much given to it, Davy. 
 
 It may please his sacred majesty, that I yield up his
 
 gracious commission I say, Davy, 'tis a thing that 
 possible ; and I could desire and wish, that my 
 cousin Silence should have a doughty helpmate, one 
 who knows the laws of the land, and could enforce 
 his Majesty's most gracious briefs and ordinances. 
 Your understanding is good, Davy, and you have an 
 indifferent knowledge in the statutes. I could wish 
 to see you in better provision ; but indeed you do not 
 comport yourself with that clean decency I could 
 desire. Whenever it pleaseth his most gracious 
 Majesty to call for my help and assistance at the 
 quorum, I ordinarily dine on slender pottage you 
 know it, Davy. It preserves me clear and compre- 
 hensible ; and, o' my conscience, you consume and 
 devour leeks, and cheese, and fat bacon, in lieu of your 
 morning hymns and prayers, and ruct at the mouth 
 and elsewhere, and belch, o' my conscience, as loud 
 as any Caliver, to the great detriment of every thing 
 seemly, and in defiance of good rule in society. You 
 must correct yourself, Davy you must correct 
 yourself Itis a difficult point in rooting up ancient 
 habits and customs, but it would not be kindly and 
 good to make you suddenly great with all your stains 
 and blotches upon you. No 'tis meet we first grub 
 up and eradicate the weeds, Davy ; and then the
 
 soil, if indeed it be not too arid, will kindly receive 
 the germen, the seed, Davy of any thing good and 
 palatable. 
 
 Take my three-cornered beaver, in which I beheld 
 his last most gracious Majesty crowned, and see if you 
 can begin to look a little creditable. Marry, are the 
 Little Johns ploughed, and in proper and soft state 
 for sowing ? See that it be done, Davy 'tis more 
 than time it were done. Look to it, Davy. 
 
 Bless my heart and soul! 'twere simply a sufficiency 
 to slay any beast of burthen. A matter of six score 
 miles in half a score hours ! 'Tis four leagues by the 
 sixty minutes ! Measure it by ten, Davy, and it 
 amounts to a point.
 
 VIII To the Right Honourable the 
 Lord Shallow Davy to Ditto 
 
 I WISH your good Worship many blessings. Marry, 
 I humbly thank your worship for the precepts, and 
 will, with our holy Mary's help, comport myself as 
 your Worship was wont, and speak as much as any 
 he at the quorum. 
 
 Clement Perkes, your Worship, was seen in the 
 park yesternight, when the castle was going twelve. 
 I humbly think he was knocking your Worship's deer 
 in the head, and had him secured and put in the stocks, 
 for the terror of all attempters. He's a great knave, 
 your Worship ; and I humbly think, with your Worships 
 leave, of giving him a good whipping. I'm sure if he 
 was not after the deer, he wanted to kill the old ram ; 
 for h'as got, marry, ever since he's been in the stocks, 
 he 'as got, as your Worship was wont to say, a sheep- 
 biting face. 
 
 What your Worship says of the weeds is very just. 
 
 I humbly thank your Worship for the beaver. I 
 
 humbly suppose, your Worship, it was fellow-mate to 
 
 the sun-coloured doublet your Worship was wont to 
 
 24
 
 look so well in at the quorum ; tho'f it sits more 
 rinkled upon your Worship now than it did formerly ; 
 your Worships belly grows thinner and genteeler. 
 Your Worship would not think how it sits upon me 
 it's close as any mail. I've clean left off ructing, your 
 Worship. 
 
 That Clement Perkes has spoken flat burglary of 
 your Worship. A' says I'm a dog. Your Worship was 
 wont to say to a saucy malefactor, that his Majesty 
 was in you, and you in his Majesty good. And a'nt 
 I in your Worship, and your Worship in me ? A' says 
 I'm a dog ! I'll have him laid fast, till your Worship 
 shall come to give directions at the quorum, whether 
 he shall be hang'd or transported. 
 
 Would it please your Worship to give directions 
 about the ringers ? Ah ! your Worship, they did so 
 do it ! they drank a whole hogshead of your Worships 
 ale. William Visor has been of the peal two and 
 thirty years come Lammas, and I humbly beseech 
 your Worship he may have a crown above the rest. 
 
 The headland fences are all down, and the hens 
 are very busy at getting your Worship's crop in. 
 Fourteen acres of seedland's a great matter ; but your 
 Worship's pullets will thrive against the large Knight 
 shall accompany your Worship to town. A' loves
 
 capon. Did your Worship mark how a' took all the 
 wings and thighs 'twixt his finger and thumb, and 
 put 'em in his great belly, an they had been so many 
 plumbs ? 
 
 Marry, your Worship, Robin has shot two deer for 
 the pedigrees, as your Worship was pleased to call 
 'em. Master Pelt has got the skins marry, will your 
 Worship say, whether they are to be tanned like your 
 Worship's buckler, or how ? I humbly wait your 
 Worship's directions in this point. 
 
 26
 
 IXAntient Pistol to Sir John 
 
 Dated it seems, from Windsor. 
 
 SIR KNIGHT, lament be tristful me for Baw- 
 cockhood is dead extinct the maw of Majesty hath it 
 engulph'd Kinghood's a thing of nought, a 'scutcheon 
 damn'd, of blazonry most base. I hold it to my lip, 
 and from my portly lungs call up Sir ^olus to bid the 
 Lazar scoul. The King his memories hath grasped 
 by the heel, and dipp'd in Lethe Or he is mad be- 
 come ; the cur hath bit him he doth the thing 
 eschew, that senses most did love. 
 
 Thy letter, Knight, in spite of yeoman and base 
 hounds of Hesperus, which did him circumvent, I 
 did deliver to the quondam Hal. " The man of mickle 
 span unto his lovely bully " Thus Antient Pistol 
 whereon the Fry of Majesty, Herodian worms and 
 insects damn'd also, which Lucifer doth hatch upon 
 his morning crown, did mow and chatter like to apes 
 of Ind. Shall Pistol shoulder'd be, and shall he re- 
 creant flee before the elbow of base sycophant, and 
 shall good phrase be bastardis'd ? I will revenges 
 have, byRowen' and her chalice I will arouse and
 
 woo the Fates, the sisters three concubinage is good 
 and they shall brooding on my pillow lay in consult 
 deep, how flint and steel a spark may strike to blow up 
 pandourship most base My heart's a heart of flint 
 My forefoot eke's most subtil Why then let fellow- 
 ship ensue, let heart and hand combine, and let the 
 web be spun Ulysses baffle all ! 
 
 Sir John, thy Pistol and thy legate hath been 
 greeted foul Not Bardolph, filching wight, that 
 pluck'd the star to deck his nose, when blanketed unto 
 the welkin's height for chewing baker's roll, where 
 baker's roll should not be chewn Not Nym, whose 
 humour was in pillory to stand ycover'd o'er with 
 gold most potable for Yonker's silver whistle stol'n, 
 did feel reaction's force like Pistol. Shall goodly 
 phrase be yclept uncouth, and shall it bandied be like 
 base Aeolian bladder ? Why then come Rowens 
 chalice though bitter be the draught, I will avenge 
 or die. 
 
 THINE ANTIENT PISTOL.
 
 XFalstaff to Antient Pistol 
 
 MY good Antient, I do condole with thee. The 
 King hath no more respect unto an embassy, than the 
 fox hath unto the sex of the goose. I am in myself 
 greater than a Prince, yea, in my personal right ; and 
 he doth make me out of myself less than a peasant, 
 marry, to my personal wrong. 
 
 There be more Deys in the court, than there be 
 seconds in the day I should have displayed my pre- 
 sents, and then would'st thou have had present audi- 
 ence. That Hal is become a very Ottoman but be 
 not thou discomfited We must rally, we must rally, 
 lads We have been twice trodden down in open 
 attack, and now to the sap-work. The King doth love 
 venison We will to Master Shallow's in Gloucester- 
 shire he hath a deep deer-feld 'tis a county of a 
 clamorous rut We did borrow his monies by day; but 
 we must make bold with his bucks by night. They 
 have horns, good mine Antient, they have horns 'tis 
 dangerous to meddle with Cuckoldom by day. 
 
 I grieve thou wert so sorely dealt with at the Court 
 I have salves for a bruise, an thou dost need them
 
 salves which I did apply to mine our discolourments. 
 Thou knowest I was trodden down like sugars for an 
 export yea, I was made a convenience I was shap'd 
 into a promontory, which spectators of a subaltern 
 height did flock to for a sight of passing Majesty 
 They did ascend and course o'er my belly like pismires, 
 ants on a mole-hill, save that the compression was 
 greater. Bat 'twas ever the nature of Man to trample 
 on fallen greatness 'tis no marvel. 
 
 Let Nym be advised of our expedition Corporal 
 Bardolph and myself will speedily quit Eastcheap, 
 and rendezvous on the outskirts of Windsor We will 
 line our shambles with venison, and then, my lads, to 
 Windsor again Hal shall yet be our own. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF.
 
 XI Corporal Nym to Sir John 
 
 I WILL no more with Pistol rob I do revolt My 
 fist is struck, and that's the humour on't his phrases 
 are known on the road. Venison hath mickle sweets 
 and sweets are luscious things, and luscious things do 
 fit the maw of Nym ; but thieves do hang, and their 
 accomplices ; and Nym would hang alone doth the 
 humour pass ? The Antient is abstruse he robs 
 not at a word. Travellers ken not his phrase, and 
 parley is not good on the road ; and that's the 
 humour on't. I do revolt, but mutiny is quell'd with 
 grants ; let Pistol utter couthly, and then come fellow- 
 ship again When speech will not bewray, then 
 Gloucestershire's the word But, pauca, Nym's a man 
 of few Sir John, I touch my brow my fist is flat. 
 
 NYM.
 
 XIIFalstaff to Antient Pistol 
 
 WHAT at spurs, good mine Antient ? and an ad- 
 venture afoot too! By my troth, I'll no cock-fighting 
 Pullets, pullets, are your only encounter. We that 
 do assail are cannibals, indeed ; but Mistress Partlet 
 is frequent in her travail, and so society shall not lack 
 sperm. 
 
 I pr'ythee let Corporal Nym have his humour ; 
 thou art a shrewd linguist thou hast ever a throng 
 of goodly quips and conceits ; yea, more at thy tongues 
 beck, than he that doth refine from his brain with the 
 help of the still, Time ; but they are crude, they are 
 crude, mine Antient they do lack dressing they are 
 like to an unwrought commodity, which the handi- 
 craftsman can not utter, until it is shap'd to the 
 purposes of the consumer. 
 
 Here is Bardolph doth protest, 'twas thou who didst 
 slight him from foot to foot throughout the croud 
 at the installation : thou had'st robbed with him in 
 the purlieus of the town, and the knaves did recognise 
 thy quaintness of phrase ; thy Shibboleth, Antient, 
 thy Shibboleth. Oh ! 'tis most damn'd to be mark'd 
 3*
 
 like a tupp'd ewe. A slenderness of heel was indeed 
 friendly to thy own retreat ; but the Corporal, Heaven 
 protect his parts ! was compell'd to borrow expedition, 
 marry, without pledge, and retire into himself like a 
 hedgehog, that so he might travel with the better ease 
 on the toes of the town Ha ! ha ! ha ! O' my con- 
 science, I marvel he blaz'd not like the Phoenix 
 he had fire and faggot on his side his nose for a 
 kindle, and his carcase for a fuel ; and both in close 
 league. 
 
 I entreat thee, mine Antient, to lay aside, yea, 
 altogether reform these fierce sallies of thy tongue, 
 and rob as a gentleman should do ; by the mass, thou 
 wilt hang us all thou wilt do it, mine Antient, thou 
 wilt do it. Rememberest thou not, how the lunatick 
 Bishop did rate me to the Prince ? An he had ever 
 taken my good name in vain, but for thy incontinent 
 flow of gall, then am I the grossest thief afoot. Marry, 
 I am not the most spare, for indeed I do empty me all 
 purses, yea be their bottoms as deep as Hell ; but I 
 do mean in my person, my reins, where there is less 
 specifick fat than is requisite to the peopling of a dozen 
 wicks Sack, spirit of burnt sack, doth make the belly 
 gasconade and swell. 
 
 I did purpose being at the rendezvous ere now ; but 
 33 D
 
 I must tarry here a season longer ; do not thou and 
 Nym break out again I pr'ythee yield to him, mine 
 Antient It were a foul thing we should fledge, and 
 upon 'peachment too ! 
 
 Farewell ! 
 
 34
 
 XIIIAntient Pistol to Sir John 
 
 Shall paucity of phrase and impotence also, 
 
 Curb manhood with the rein ? 
 
 And shall it chew the bit ? 
 
 Shall mutes and Asian dogs controul the tongue 
 
 And shall not man speak free ? 
 
 Why then Avernus roar ! 
 
 Then Rhadamanth' his yawning floodgates ope, 
 
 And Rowen' brim her chalice ! 
 
 W. hy then let icy death seize all, 
 
 Tea, upward from the foot unto the lungs, 
 
 And then the heart, perdy ! 
 
 The Nym's a pauper vile I do retort he hath not 
 utterance to woo his dog to bite at badger I do re- 
 tort his rest is eadem, the semper eadem he cannot 
 cull his senses are most barren. Ah ! beeve-mouth'd 
 bleating Nym ! Ah ! bull-calf old ! I have and I 
 will hold the pristine tones of Man. The Nym doth 
 iterate, doth bay the echo with his " humour on't." 
 And shall he model be ? Then Pistol, bow thy knee 
 no more to Dagon Sir John, thy Philistine doth flee 
 Avaunt the flux of fellowship, and solus be the word ! 
 
 35
 
 XIV Deposition taken before Master 
 Robert Shallow, and Master Slender 
 at Windsor 
 
 SHALLOW. 
 
 Now, good man, what is your business ? What is 
 the matter that you would desire to disclose ? Marry, 
 I am of the Commission in the county of Gloucester ; 
 but if you have anything to depose, that is salutary, 
 and beneficial, and for the welfare and good of his 
 most gracious Majesty, I care not : Robert Shallow, 
 esquire, will take cognizance of it, though in the 
 county of Berks. 
 
 Fellow. May it please your Worship, I'se a goat- 
 herd ; and I'se a great matter to break. Marry, your 
 Worship, marry, when his Majesty's life's in danger 
 from a caitiff- monster, an't it the duty of every honest 
 subject to stand up and defend ? An't that law ? I 
 would know that of your Worship. 
 
 Shallow. 'Tis among the statutes. 'Tis the duty of 
 every tall fellow, or he's liable to be 'peach'd upon the 
 act as an abettor. Proceed, good man 'tis just, very 
 36
 
 just marry, proceed. Trust me, a comprehensive 
 fellow, Cousin Abram. Marry, proceed. 
 
 Fellow. Being on the return yesternoon to dinner 
 'twas just about twelve o'clock ; for us poor folk, your 
 Worship, are hungry before your great-oneyers as 
 I was coming home, I say, to dinner, for tho' I am but 
 a simple lodger, mine host Thacker pays Scot and Lot 
 like a good subject. Does your Worship know him ? 
 A' sells trotters and Jews'-harps, opposite Gil. Sneke, 
 the weaver's 
 
 Slender. 'Tis a small shot from Ann Page's, Cousin 
 Shallow Is't not, good youth ? 
 
 Fellow. No, your Worship It's hard upon 
 where 
 
 Shallow. Aye, 'tis no matter, 'tis no matter. Marry, 
 go on briefly, good man. 
 
 Fellow. As I was saying, walking mainly on, think- 
 ing, God wot, what a mite a groat and a half a day is 
 for seven souls ! For there's my wife Nel, and Martin, 
 and Nich, and Jerome, and Dorcas, and Ruth it's a 
 wounded many teeth, and a teasterworth o' corn will 
 hardly set them all grinding ; and your Worship 
 knows, that quinces are very windy and griping to 
 the belly Body o' me, I thought our Jerome would 
 
 ha' been scoured 
 
 37
 
 Shallow. Stand away further, fellow. By the mass, 
 a foul varlet. You smell, fellow get ye gone. 
 
 Slender. Truly, Cousin 
 
 Shallow. O' my conscience, 'tis the arrantest 
 
 Foh ! get ye gone, knave ; get ye gone 
 
 Slender. Truly, Cousin, our Gloucestershire quince 
 doth not reek thus Indeed, la, you do him wrong. 
 Have you no pippins for your children, good youth ? 
 My cousin could never away with a quince. Your 
 country hath good pears, too. 
 
 Fellow. I h'ant a single one, your Worship ; not 
 an atomy of any thing, only one quince-tree, as 
 lonesomely as any yew. As I was saying, our 
 Jerome 
 
 Shallow. Tell me not of your Jeromes and your 
 Chrysostoms be not so windy be brief Marry, to 
 the point 
 
 Fellow. I humbly beseech your Worship's pardon. 
 As I was saying, walking mainly on 'twas just in the 
 nick, where our Dorcas goes to bleach in Datchet. 
 Does your Worship know the place ? What does I 
 hear, but a great roaring an it had been any large bull 
 a neighing ; not a horse, your Worship and the river 
 
 bulg'd up and swell'd like any I humbly beseech 
 
 your Worship that our Nel have a pension 
 
 38
 
 Shallow. Pension ! Why a pension, marry ? 'Ods 
 liggens ! Know you what you ask, knave ? Marry, 
 why a pension ? 
 
 Fellow. Truly, your Worship, 'twould be very 
 hard that my family should live upon all quinces for a 
 disease of mine caught in the King's affairs Truly, 
 your Worship, 'twould be very hard ; for the water 
 roll'd and wetted me, and I trembled, and trembled 
 I'm sure, an' please your Worship, I've an ague. 
 
 Shallow. O' my conscience, Cousin Abram, but 
 the man is a lunatick, or a mountebank, or something 
 as bad O' my conscience, I believe a mountebank ; 
 for indeed he moves from place to place and varies his 
 points very knavishly. Look you, friend there is 
 only one alternative shall serve ; marry, chuse ; and 
 do it deliberately, and discreetly, and soberly either 
 depose in a respectful manner, marry, without idle 
 prabble about pensions, and quinces, and bulls; either 
 utter with a proper and decent carriage and demean- 
 our, or else walk sedately out into the court-yard, and 
 pull off your doublet, and your shirt, and your coat. 
 An a shrewd flogging don't bring him about 
 
 Fellow. Oh! good your Worship, I've almost done 
 When the water swell'd and swell'd, I perceived 
 about a hundred paces a-head, a large creature rise up, 
 39
 
 mainly big, your Worship, about the belly, and it came 
 slowly to the bank, an if it would land ; and just then 
 it roll'd over, and over, and over, of all the world 
 like a huge tub, and then it so beat about and roar'd 
 in the throttle ! An' your Worship will give me 
 leave, I'll try to 
 
 Shallow. Marry, go on proceed circumstantially 
 go on what saw you more ? Depose briefly. 
 
 Fellow. When a' had floundered, and flounc'd 
 about some five minutes under water, a' got on the 
 land, and stood on its legs, and drew a great dagger 
 and lifted in the air, and so shook it's weapon at the 
 castle, and roar'd ! Good your Worship, I'm certain 
 it hath a foul design against the King's life that I'll 
 be sworn of upon the book. 
 
 Slender. I protest, Cousin, the 
 
 Shallow. In the name of his Majesty's sacred person, 
 I command and bind you to answer all interrogatories 
 afore the Council Here is a great conspiracy come to 
 Hght. 
 
 Slender. Truly, Cousin, I 
 
 Shallow. Marry, it had the gait of a warrior I 
 would mean, it shewed a tall personable figure, did 
 it not ? Betook it to the water again ? And for its 
 complexion marry, you observed its countenance ? 
 40
 
 Fellow. An your Worship means the hue of its skin, 
 truly it had a doublet and hose on : but the face was 
 all the world of a colour with the bubucle at the left 
 of your Worship's nose. 
 
 Slender. By yea and no, Coz 
 
 Shallow. 'Tis the Welchman Glendower, by my 
 hopes of salvation through the pious and holy Virgin 
 Mary! The Privy Council must know it. Here is a 
 great conspiracy I'll to the Council. 
 
 Fellow. Marry, your Worship, sure a' was not a 
 salamander ! The water smoak'd and smoak'd, that, 
 body o' me, you might ha' poach'd an egg ! 
 
 Shallow. 'Tis Owen the Welchman, a very doughty 
 rebel Fellow, be in readiness you must depose at 
 the Council By the mass, a great traitor. Be at 
 hand. 
 
 Fellow. I humbly beseech your Worship that our 
 Nel 
 
 Shallow. Aye, aye be in readiness she shall be 
 look'd to.
 
 XV Antient Pistol and Corporal 
 Nym to Sir John 
 
 Pistol, lament Sir Nym, the willow be, 
 
 And hang o'er Datchet's side ; 
 
 For chivalry is in, and unto Charon damn'd 
 
 Must, crouching, tender coin. 
 
 Pistol hath wrongs ; but Pistol eke hath pouch. 
 
 Sir Nym hath humours borne ; but Nym will pocket too. 
 
 Why then cast rancour forth ; yea, into utter night, 
 
 And let it gnash the tooth. 
 
 Sir John, arise thy knighthood is defam'd 
 
 At thee the Shallow ass and Slender foal do bray. 
 
 Thou art the mark of archery become 
 
 To Council wags oh ! damned Gloucester beasts, 
 
 That will not wince, when hinds do ride and spur ! 
 
 We do inclose what goatherd hath depos'd. 
 
 The quip's afoot, and quips do amble fast. 
 
 Arise, Sir Knight, or Paeans will ensue ; 
 
 Yea, from the mouth of ballad-teeming harridans. 
 
 Pistol hath wrongs ; but he doth caution thee, 
 
 The River and the Ford also to flee. 
 
 Nym will have right ere he do say, avoid 
 
 But Scylla's deep, and that's the humour on't. 
 
 ANTIENT PISTOL, 
 CORPORAL NYM.
 
 XVI Mrs. Ford to Sir John Falstaff 
 
 AH ! dear Sir John ! I tremble to think what you 
 have suffered. Tell me, has the wittolly wretch dis- 
 coloured your poor stomach ? But, alas ! I'm too 
 certain of it I felt it all, every blow; no wonder he 
 put you into such a territ and fright Mercy on me, 
 how shrewdly he handled his weapon ! 
 
 Well, I always will say the stars were of a mouse- 
 colour when you were born. Think, if you had been 
 let into the Thames directly upon this exercise In- 
 deed, la', I won't call it beating all melting with heat 
 for, indeed, Sir John, I never beheld you run so 
 nimbly bruised, and frighted, as you were ! Mercy 
 on me, 'twould have been your death, quite a surfeit ! 
 Yes, your stars are certainly of a mouse-colour ; 
 they are neither black nor white 
 
 Ah ! dear Sir John ! you little know the 
 
 but let the end speak. Well ; to think of the tears 
 that your mischances have cost me ! Heigho ! 
 
 Beshrew my weak head, but I dreamt all last night 
 of horns. Oh ! I beheld a great calf fastened to a 
 stake, and he was baited, of all things in the world, 
 43
 
 by such a sweet portly boar-pig, so plump and so sweet ! 
 And he was so gored and tossed as often as ever he 
 came into the ring, (indeed, Sir John, it's ominous 
 you shan't enter my house again) that it quite sunk 
 my heart within me. La', and it was so whimsical ! 
 for in caper'd a pretty youngish gentleman, and he 
 danced and played upon his kit round and round the 
 calf, till he stood quite dumfound ; and presently 
 there shot out of his head large horns, and soon they 
 grew larger, and larger, and larger, and spread, and 
 spread, till they looked of all the world like Herne's 
 Oak; and we all danced about him so merry, that it was 
 quite whimsical. La', Sir John, you shall meet me at 
 the Oak, and we'll have a revel there, and I'll directly 
 send Dr. Caius to cure your poor bruises. I will be 
 humoured in this a poor weak woman, that hazards 
 her reputation for your sake, and not to be pleased in 
 such a trifle ! Indeed, now, I will not be refused. 
 Dr. Caius shall immediately come to cure your knocks 
 and bruises, and then it will be so pure to dance at 
 midnight round the Oak ! La' now, indeed, it will. 
 In this I rest, 
 
 Your loving, 
 
 ALICE FORD. 
 
 44
 
 XVII Sir John Falstaff to Mrs. Ford 
 
 I'LL caper I'll dance with thee. Anything, any- 
 thing, my Queen of Sheba, but no Doctor Caius. In- 
 deed, my hurts are not of that extent No I have 
 a surgeon of my own employ too No, I'll not see 
 him. Can I live to hear it bandied from mouth to 
 mouth, that the Knight Falstaff, he who hath nightly 
 taken his repose under the arch of more soldierlike 
 bruises than the spirit of the holy Stephen fled upon, 
 that he hath foregone his days of hardihood, and com- 
 menced glyster in the hands of a dole-dealing Escala- 
 pian ? Name it not : rather hang me by the gills 
 on Mistress Keech's stilliards, and mete me out by 
 halfp'worths to the parish poor. No ; I'll no Caius. 
 What, I'm to meet thee at Herne's Oak ? Well, I'll 
 be a Nimrod I'll personate any thing to encounter 
 my fair Camilla ; any thing, save an eunuch and a 
 wode-woman. I would, Mistress Ford, I might have 
 dealt him a fillip on the crown. I have one bruise 
 larger than a porter's shoulder-knot 'tis on my 
 cheek, I cannot sit, my nether cheek ; for, indeed, I 
 lack'd the habiliments of a woman I was sparely 
 45
 
 coated. But I had determined to forget this Yea, 
 I'll forget it 'tis laudable in Man to be passive. 
 
 Shall I order my horses ? 'Twere best be fleet, 
 should the knave find us again. There is a pond at 
 hand, and I would be loth to reign over a subaltern 
 province : no an I am born to be deified, an I must 
 needs be a God of the waters, let me be immersed on 
 the point of a whaler's harpoon give me to preside 
 in Greenland, my natal soil. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 
 Thou seest, Mistress Ford, I am incontinently given 
 to merriment, in despite of the fiery ordeals my flesh 
 and blood have undergone. But I love thee, I love 
 thee, and there is much endurance in affection. 
 
 Let me have advice of thy appointments with Herne 
 I will attend thee with the precision of the dial, 
 the dial of the night, which is Mistress Luna, the 
 moon, unto his Oak 
 
 And there we'll wanton caper on the plain, 
 And weave for Herne a horn to wind again. 
 
 Farewell, fair Mistress Ford ; and remember, I'll 
 no Leech Caius applied to me. 
 
 46
 
 XVIII Falsfaff to Brook 
 
 COULD a gentleman foresee the many crosses, the 
 many mishaps, that await him that simply treadeth 
 within the sphere of a woman's habitation, (I speak 
 not of gross corporeal touch) he would use after- 
 lustration, as liberally as the pallid wretch, who had 
 escaped him from the ravages of a pestilential calen- 
 ture. There is a noisome rankness, to me more hateful 
 than the cleymes of unslacken lime, that imperceptibly 
 steals upon the whole man, who holds but even con- 
 verse with a woman. If the Box of Pandora was other 
 than a combination of villainous qualities in one 
 damn'd housewife, then am I a very box to contain 
 the freedom of every man's reproach in. 
 
 I informed thee, Master Brook, of my skilful ad- 
 vances, of my seeming successes. I likewise unfolded 
 to thee of my mishaps, of the depth of the Datchet, 
 and other localities. I blended them, Master Brook, 
 in order to preserve an equilibrium ; lest the avoir- 
 dupois of my successes might appear without dross, 
 and so thou be led to build on an uncertain tenure. 
 I told thee too, how I became proxy for one Mistress 
 47
 
 Pratt, and in her behoof was compelled to gather up 
 nimbly my chitterlings, my reins, and escape from the 
 discipline of the knave Ford. Perpend further my 
 molten frame being a little consolidated, a most 
 soothing letter, tender withal, full of condolences, 
 comes from Mistress Ford. She assureth me, she felt 
 every blow I received. Master Brook, believe her 
 not the force of sympathy is faint, to the force 
 centered in Ford's hand. She lies in her throat. The 
 knave laid me out in such natural colours, I have every 
 shade pertaining to the Herald's art in my body. 
 I cannot extract, or I should make money. To love 
 compulsatorily is not in the nature of Man. I can be 
 beat into a mummy, but not into love ; but I'll woo 
 for thee: Expect her, Master Brook, expect her still. 
 I shall meet her at Herne's Oak Call upon me, 
 bring money thou shalt hear more. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF. 
 
 48
 
 XIXFalstaff to Brook 
 
 MASTER BROOK, there is a point, which I did in 
 some sort forget to touch upon I will tell you ; but, 
 indeed, Master Brook, 'tis a subtle point, and I must 
 handle it discreetly for tho' it is not the needle s 
 point, Master Brook, yet may it goad ; yea, and hath 
 variations, and doth lay in a small compass. 
 
 I will tell you, Master Brook, and briefly, but you 
 must be secret I must play the light heel, flit to and 
 fro like a shadow, to swift nimble tunes Mistress Ford, 
 will have it so I must dance, caper in the air like a 
 tun of Molass' ; only my ascension will be heavier, in 
 regard I must rise without a crane, Master Brook. 
 I did never practise the art as a yonker, and now must 
 I take to it as an old man : but 'tis for your sake, 
 Master Brook. For mine own part, I had as lief 
 swell "out a weavers doublet, and compass my belly 
 from the navel round with a dozen wisps of hemp, and 
 manufacture twist-rope by the length. I am not 
 fashioned for the end of a pipe I had as lief, for 
 mine own part, bind myself to the common hangman, 
 Master Brook, and supply the gibbet with ropes, yea, 
 49 E
 
 at a foul shirt per felon, Master Brook, for I am not 
 fond of liquoring the ground I was never a dancer, 
 Master Brook, it is not my art my soles do somehow 
 cleave to the ground I could never weigh them up 
 twain at a caper, save when I did personate Mistress 
 Pratt ; for as a witch, Master Brook, I can vault like 
 a roebuck but then I must step out of myself. I do 
 remember, the Welch Priest did protest 'twas bread 
 and cheese to him he might have added butter, 
 Master Brook I lacked but Mistress Paget's churn 
 to be shaped into pounds. But I do err from my 
 subject. In few, Master Brook, Ford's wife will have 
 me dance at the Oak, and you must commend me to 
 a minstrel-sounder the flitting knave must tutor me, 
 that so I appear not a stranger to the art I must be 
 conversant for women, Master Brook, are won by 
 the throng of good parts the simple display of coun- 
 tenance hath no more purchase, than is in the shell of 
 a boil'd lobster I do know it, I do know it, Master 
 Brook. I must write unto town for apparel ; for the 
 Thames hath somehow an antipathy to a good suit 
 I do smack of the haddock. Do thou on thy part 
 allow not the furlough to a moment ; but haste, 
 Master Brook. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF. 
 5
 
 XX Mistress Quickly to Sir John 
 Falstaff 
 
 MERCY on me ! Fall ! I tell you what, Sir John 
 Dorothy must fall with it. I must have her warn'd to 
 quit, and you must take to her, Sir John, and put 
 some shifts to her back, you must. An honest trifling 
 gain of fivepence odd in the quart, and to be snatch'd 
 from a poor widow, as one might say, without an 
 atomy of reason ! Sir John, you must take to her 
 you must spend upon her body a fine shewy creature, 
 goodsooth, with silk gowns and kirtles for the first 
 lady in the land, and not a modest change next her 
 skin! Fie, Sir John! you ought to fit her, Sir John. 
 You know her nakedness I have bought for her, and 
 bought for her, and she hath pawn'd, and pawn'd, 
 that 'tis quite a shame to think on and I'm sure the 
 gains of a poor hostess in drinkings wont pay for it. Sir 
 John, I'll tell you what, Sir John Here's been a great 
 to do in my house, and all about you, Sir John I shall 
 be ruin'd and fracted I must break My customers 
 tell me you are gone, and I must charge sack a matter 
 cheaper, and there's no scarcity now you are away. 
 5 1
 
 Here's Master Martlet, that you call'd the eves- 
 dropper, 'cause, goodsooth, he had a birds name 
 'twas no longer ago than yesterday says he, Good- 
 wife Quickly Goodzvife, Sir John for he always 
 names me so, altho' he knew my poor husband that's 
 dead ; and I tell him so, and then he says, I am your 
 Lemon and, indeed, Sir John, it's true enough ; 
 for you have squeez'd me, and squeez'd me, till I have 
 not a bit of sour left yea, I am too humoursome to 
 you, and you know it. Well, as I was saying, there 
 was Master Martlet says he, Goodwife Quickly, 
 who breeds, who lays your eggs ? Alice Plenesperm, 
 quoth I, and I take twelve dozen of a week when good 
 Sir John's here, and six dozen when he journs. Then, 
 says he, you must take half the price of sack away too, 
 for the knight's not here now to make a scarce And 
 with that, they all in a throng pertested I must 'bate 
 and come down, or my house would not hold it's own 
 And indeed, Sir John, it's grown quite a desert only 
 there are no beasts to be sure. You are far away, and 
 Bardolph, and Pistol, and there's no sport toward, as 
 there was wont to be, and I'm oblig'd to lower to 
 keep open house. 
 
 I beseech you, good Sir John, sweet Sir John, to 
 come back quick, that I may bring the liquors to a 
 5*
 
 good creditable head again, and not let them dwindle, 
 and dwindle, that every flea-bitten rascal may perfume 
 his blood like a gentleman, forsooth ! I pray you now, 
 Sir John, and don't let 'em ride an honest body 
 Heres Dorothy and myself we have both been rode, Sir 
 John, that it were a shame to mention how, since you 
 have been at Windsor And don't let the Boar fall 
 away, Sir John. There's Master Rahab, that loved 
 Dol, thereby bringing you into Canaries, and Neighbour 
 Dumb our minister, that used to come disguised in 
 the green doublet, and Mr. 'Tolemy the Harlotry 
 Player, they have all forsook Eastcheap, and gone into 
 the suburbs, that we are quite, as one might say, no 
 better than lone penitents, and people of no character. 
 Dol sends her service, and holds her own marvellously 
 I beseech you, good Sir John, to delay no longer 
 than need. 
 
 S3
 
 XXI Mistress Quickly to Sir John 
 Falstaff 
 
 A WHOLE suit in sattin ! Twelve and twelve's 
 twenty-four that's seven pound four and six is 
 thirty Sir John, I won't do it you think I'm spun 
 of sattin ; yea, a worm, goodsooth ! But you shall 
 see, Sir John, that I wont be trod on, as I have been 
 I wont credit it, Sir John you had a whole top-to- 
 bottom suit at my charge no longer ago than two days 
 before you 'journed 'twas the same day that you had 
 such a kind letter from the King and you can't have 
 worn them a pin's point. You want to give it to 
 women, Sir John, and I won't countenance such 
 vileness Here's one Mistress Ursula calls here about 
 you, and you ought to be 'sham'd to leave Dol in the 
 manner you have. I have tended you myself late and 
 early, and wash'd your flesh before and behind, and 
 help'd you to bed Yes, Sir John, when you could not 
 help yourself, that you'd have died of being senseless 
 and dead of liquor I've put salt on your belly o' 
 nights, or you'd have burst pounds and pounds of 
 salt, when you were swell'd, that I never got the tythe 
 54
 
 of a dram for ; that nobody, not my own servants, 
 would touch, Sir John. 'Twas but at Allhallowmass 
 that I lent you money, thirteen pound odd that you 
 won at primero and was not paid You promised I 
 should have it on the morrow ; but you did not say 
 what morrow, and I wonder how you should, good- 
 sooth, when my own servants know you never won a 
 groat of it. 
 
 Come and discharge a poor hostess's dues, Sir John, 
 like an honest man, do and dont give kirtles away 
 and never pay for them Here's Mr. Dombledon had 
 well-nigh got Dol's body for a kirtle you gave her with 
 your own hands I can witness it, and the poor young 
 creature has been compell'd to part with her ear- 
 rings and bracelets to prevent an arrest. It's a shame, 
 Sir John, and you need not send any more for sattin 
 to me, Sir John, for I won't part with another yard's- 
 worth to you again, while my name's Quickly ; and so 
 you may get it where you can, Sir John.
 
 XXII Sir John Falstaff to Mistress 
 Ursula 
 
 No, no, no thou art misadvised thou dost suffer 
 baker's wives, and barren gossips, who do conceive 
 upon the novelties of a stale world, get the rule over 
 thee. The King doth counsel with me in the chewing 
 of a Spanish Nut He knoweth not the height of 
 six foot himself I do prick his very yeomen for him 
 Even now hath there been with me a certain Welch 
 Priest in these parts, who would have access unto the 
 court Why he doth present me with a silver toaster, 
 as a bribe, a prologue to his induction. Take it 
 I do give it thee 'Tis nothing in respect of what thou 
 shalt possess. Thou art one of the first ladies in the 
 land, an thou wert but sensible of it. If 'twere as thou 
 say'st, that the King doth neglect me, and like the 
 wicked Rehoboam hath taken unto young counsellors, 
 why should I tarry at Windsor ? Let that suffice thee. 
 
 Thirty yards of fustian ! I may not hear of it. 
 Shall it be said, that Sir John Falstaff doth take his 
 seat among the nobles of the land in the vest of an 
 unbelieving Rabbi ? It may not be. Why, I must
 
 do the King honour. Sattin, sattin, is your only 
 courtier's wear. Come, come 'tis only a pretty 
 provoking humour thou hast of giving the lustre to 
 thy favours. Let it be four and twenty yards then 
 Keep the remnant for new ruffs, and adorn thee for 
 thy advancement. Why, there it is now I have simply 
 more ductility than the nimblest quicksilver, and less 
 oppositions than a drove goose I am tractable to 
 anything, and thou seest it any thing that may add 
 to the excellent favour of thy countenance I have 
 not controul of my own will thou hast used spells 
 with me but thou know'st this, thou know'st this 
 I have told thee so before. 
 
 Let it be a quarter yard wider than I did at first 
 speak of. Let me have it speedily, for I may not 
 appear at court and indite, direct letters unto me of 
 thy desires chuse thy own dignity look out for 
 thyself be prodigal, be prodigal all is in my gift. 
 Thou may'st become the goddess Dian' an thou wilt, 
 and lead the chace Thou wilt look well with a 
 quiver for I do mean to preserve the rangership. 
 No more scruples, but be quick in my affairs, and so 
 shalt thou be procuress of thine own greatness. 
 Adieu ! 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF. 
 57
 
 XXIII Master Slender to Ann Page 
 
 FAIR Mistress Ann, sweet Mistress Ann, Abraham 
 Slender craveth leave and liberty to salute thy white 
 hand He doth by these commend his worthlessness 
 unto thy grace and favour. He would be thy slave, 
 thy servant, to the height and extremity of all vow'd 
 service ; to wit, thy suitor and thy wooer. Yet not 
 so much of his own free motion, indeed la', as because 
 his friends desire it of him that is to say, his friends 
 will, that thus matters should stand. There is the 
 learned Doctor Sir Hugh Evans, and the wise and 
 worshipful Justice Shallow, my good friend and re- 
 lation, [to] stand by me in this relation. I will briefly 
 recount what words were uttered in my hearing no 
 longer ago than Thursday was a fortnight I do re- 
 member it was after a Christening, at which the afore- 
 said Welch Divine administered the Rites, the Cere- 
 monies, as are indeed appointed by the church in such 
 cases, as your fair self cannot but know. It is to be 
 found in the Rubric, and it followeth the Communion- 
 Service, and it is indeed a goodly ordinance, as is well 
 known to you, fair Mistress Ann. As I was saying, I 
 58
 
 chanced to observe upon the sober and decent de- 
 meanour, with which our learned Pastor went through 
 the service ; as indeed the whole was notably well 
 performed, saving that he had not the gift of the 
 English speech so glib as one might desire (our Glou- 
 cestershire Divines have the best smack of it of any 
 I know). This did I remark, and the gossips did so 
 titter and laugh, and whisper, that indeed, la', I was 
 quite put to confusion ; and then Mistress Quickly 
 tapped me on the cheek, and sought of me, fair Ann, 
 if she should stand godmother to my first child ; and 
 whispered in my ear (loud enough, forsooth, for all the 
 company to hear) that it was rumoured all over 
 Windsor, that there was speedily to be a match be- 
 tween me and Mistress Ann Page and I bowed, and 
 stammered, and rejoined, that it was a promise above 
 my hopes and then the gossips fell to tittering and 
 whispering incontinently, that indeed la', I was quite 
 abash'd. 
 
 Fair Mistress Ann, it is not the fashion of Abram 
 Slender to disparage any. There be some among thy 
 suitors, that have very good gifts and graces. Im- 
 primis, or first of all, Mr. Fenton. He hath a good 
 leg and an indifferent breast, and is indeed a youth of 
 good conditions. He danceth, singeth songs without 
 59
 
 book, and hath store of riddles and good nights, and 
 is, in sooth, a very dog at fence but he hath seen 
 wild days, Mistress Ann, and wild nights he hath 
 consorted with the loose, the idle, and the graceless 
 he hath kept more wassels, and spent more monies 
 upon riotings and chamberings, I think on my con- 
 science, than the mad, merry, fat knight himself. I 
 will not say much of myself it is not my way but 
 the learned Sir Hugh, and the wise Justice Shallow, 
 who is also my cousin (by my mother's side she came 
 of the Shallows of Gloucestershire, and spelt her name 
 with an e, Shallowe) these can vouch for me, that I 
 am not given to drinkings, and expences, and wasting 
 my patrimony folks did use to commend me there- 
 fore. I was call'd in mine own country, " Staid 
 Abram," sometimes " Sober Abram " ; good com- 
 mendations, as times go good commendations, if 
 rightly taken, fair Mistress Ann. I say again, I do 
 not mean to disparage any neither again will I run 
 comparisons with the French Leach Caius he is 
 suspected, yea shrewdly, fair Ann, of a plot he is 
 disaffected shun him he is thought to be a spy. 
 My Cousin Shallow hath also an eye upon him I do 
 repeat it, shun him. 
 
 For thy servant, it is not meet that he sound his 
 60
 
 own praises let his friends, who also put him 
 upon this, answer for him. Thus much let me 
 say, that I fall not short of any of thy suitors in rare 
 gifts of body, mind, and fortune I am a very dog 
 at stew'd prunes ; and I have estates, and beeves, 
 and a goodly mansion in Gloucestershire, when I 
 come of age (nine months and odd days only I do 
 lack of coming to years of discretion) and I will settle 
 upon thee, and thy heirs lawfully begotten, five 
 hundred mark a year, if the thing might be brought 
 to bear I would it might, fair Mistress Ann ; for 
 folks would think it sin and shame, that the family of 
 the Slenders should perish for lack of heirs. And I 
 pray you, fair Ann, do not listen to the tales of the 
 slanderous. Jacob Perkins hath taken unto himself 
 the shame and the sin of the illegitimate base-born 
 offspring laid to my charge, and the youth and the 
 maiden are settled in a neighbouring hamlet. 
 
 I do send with these my servant Simple, an honest 
 knave, and of good wit. 
 
 Farewell, sweet Ann ! 
 
 61
 
 XXIV -Sir Hugh Evans to Ann Page 
 
 I DO peg and peseech you, and I do make requests, 
 moreover, and entreaties, look you, in the pehalf and 
 pehoof of Master Apram Slender, in the goot town 
 Windsor resident, that you would pestow your craces, 
 and your smiles, and your favours, upon the poor 
 youth. He is a youth of coot gifts and promises, and 
 it is the desire of your father, and withal of the sage 
 Justice Shallow, that you would look with an eye of 
 pity and compassion upon him. The case, look you, 
 is a desperate case the poor youth's knaggin is 
 primful of fancies, and melancholies, and despond- 
 encies ; that it would make any Christian heart pleed 
 to see. I do fear me his wits are going ; his judge- 
 ments and his memories, observe, which we are apt 
 to denominate and call his wits, or his faculties; they 
 are both approved words and phrases. He was 'ont 
 be a youth of coot parts, and of creat learning, and 
 now hath he forgot his moods, and his tenses and his 
 Quae-Genus withal. He did never fail give the 
 answers and the reponses, which are set down in the 
 Church Catechism, freely and with creat readiness, 
 61
 
 and without pook, look you ; and now hath he no 
 judgement in these things. O' my conscience, he 
 hath clean forgot his outward and his risible signs 
 and his craces, and is a fery heathen in such matters, 
 which is a shame, and a sin, and a creat pity, moreover. 
 The pig fat Knight put him down the other day, 
 when he required of him who was the strongest man? 
 " By'r Lady," quoth Apram, " I cannot tell." Thy 
 memory is a thing of nought, rejoined the Knight. 
 Tell me, who lay in Dalila's lap, and had his poll 
 claw'd, and lo ! the enemy came upon him, and shaved 
 him with a razor of Gath ? and so fell to mockings 
 and vloutings ; for he hath a foul uncodly tongue, and 
 a fery infidel wit, look you. By the Mass, he will not 
 spare Cot's pook when it doth come in his way. Coot 
 Mistress Ann, I do counsel and exhort you to use the 
 poor young man tenderly, or he may pe triven to 
 desperations, and cholers, and lunacies you have 
 your visaments o' this matter look to it he is a 
 well-conditioned youth, and a pold ; and one more- 
 over, that hath quarter-staff' d with a Warrener, and 
 hath look'd a packsword in the face upon occasions, 
 marry. 
 
 As I can learn, he hath not proke the matter to you, 
 that is to say, verpally and py 'ord of mouth; but he 
 63
 
 hath written, he tells me ; and, I hope, in a gentle- 
 manly phrase, and that he hath offered coot offers 
 and conditions, look you, for he cometh of gentle 
 plood. Coot Mistress Ann, give the youth lifts and 
 encouragements, for he is packward and shy in these 
 matters, and may need it, look you. Indeed, the 
 youth is a youth of coot parts, and creat motesty, and 
 hath an indifferent skill in the languages, and may come 
 to pe of the quorum, observe ; for his creat crand- 
 father and father, and his crandfather old Simon 
 Slender, have peen all of the quorum before him ; 
 and it is not meet nor fitting, look you, that there 
 should fail a man out of the House of the Slenders to 
 judgement the land. 
 
 Farewell, coot Mistress Ann ! 
 
 H. EVANS.
 
 XXV Ancient Pistol to Master Abram 
 Slender 
 
 LET doves and lambkins sigh. -Must Pistol verses write ? 
 Down, princely choler, down ! Shall Man of War turn pimp ? 
 Then ballad-monging thrive Pistol will nought indite. 
 Turn verse to prose for me turn day to night 
 And Chaos judge thy rhymes for prosody shall rue, 
 False concords halt pronoun and adverb limp 
 For parts of speech are none, when none can speech impart. 
 Be Slender therefore mute, for slender is his wit. 
 The fox shall cater for the silly goose, 
 And lordly lion eke for base jackail, 
 E'er true love woo by proxy. 
 Couragio, Lads, Mecaenas is the word 
 Poets their patrons have, and verses do ensue. 
 Why then let purses gape, for gratis is a Fool, 
 And golden wires make music. 
 Shall Phoebus threadbare go, the Muses nine also, 
 Those dainty Imps on top of high Parnasse, 
 Shall they undowried weep ? Then Spinster be the word 
 Wedlock is nought Pistol will single live. 
 Pistol Pistoles doth love like loveth like. 
 Let purse-strings crack Nan Page is thine, sweet boy, 
 She doth thee fly, but Cretan is her wing 
 The wax doth melt, when Pistol is the sun, 
 And thou shalt seal, go to contented be therefore 
 But let the labourer live, for he his wages earns. 
 Pistol Pistoles doth lack, who lacketh nought of wit. 
 Nan Page is thine, and Fenton he shall flee ; 
 Yea, be exhaled, like damned dog of dunghill ; 
 For Pistol he hath spoke by Rowen' and her Chalice. 
 65
 
 XXVI Combination of the Windsor 
 Innkeepers 
 
 SIR KNIGHT, thy clarion Blow, Bully Rock ! Blow, 
 Robin Muns, Peter Pimple, and Arthur Swipes ! To 
 him of the cumbrous Womb the Recheat ! Sir Knight, 
 we greet thee. Thy fist of Chivalry, most radiant 
 Dad of Bacchus ! From Herne's Oak unto Datchet 
 Mead do our lintels swell to receive thee, most puissant 
 elve-queller ! Are our husbands pamper'd, do brows 
 inflame and itch ? Arise, Sir Knight, arise and woo 
 Quick ! Trot ! Jog ! Into the basket go, and dive 
 into the deep descend, Mistress Pratt, descend, and 
 to the forest speed with Herne the Hunter's Horns 
 Purge wittolly husbandhood of it's humours, and let 
 house-wifery appear most chaste. Thou art the 
 pumice-stone of philosophy in Windsor-quarry found : 
 our dace and our plaice, our venison, and our Samson, 
 our nether socks, and our upper shirts, our wode- 
 women, and our sack-master. We have no dragons, 
 bully ; we have no riddlemongers to gobble up our 
 unexpounders, no dainty Monster to breakfast on our 
 virginity, or thou should'st be our Harcles and our 
 champion too. Shall us lose thee, bully ? Shall 
 us lend thee horses ? Thou art big, thou art fat, 
 66
 
 convex, rotund Thou wilt break their backs Spavins 
 and navel-galls do slacken paces Thou art rein- 
 swoln, pot-bellied diseases are catching, Knight, 
 fracted wind is foul candy is not good with horse- 
 flesh. Do we utter well, bully ? Speak we scholarly ? 
 We are confederate, join'd, men of compact. Thou 
 shalt not straddle our Nags they bear not double, 
 old Castor and Pollux. To the common go ascend, 
 Sir Galilean ; mount, and to the city trot We will 
 strew the way we will climb palms Will it do, 
 bully ? The ass doth trample most priestly 'twill 
 be pompous, Greekish. 
 
 We the caputs, and the heads of the merry Order 
 of Hosthood in King Harry's town Windsor resident, 
 do protest, that the Knight Falstaff shall not have 
 our, or any of our horses. Doth he tender coin for 
 hire ? He hath mickle weight, he's a mineral, a 
 fossil, a mine of Lead he will crush, overwhelm. 
 Do we ken his angels, will he purchase ? We have 
 bowels, we have bowels naghood's tongue doth utter 
 not it is ty'd We will not sell we are leagu'd. 
 Sign, seal, deliver quick, neighbours ! 
 Signed, 
 
 BULLY ROCK. ROBIN MUNS. 
 PETER PIMPLE. ARTHUR SWIPES. 
 67
 
 XXVII Sir John to Antient Pistol 
 
 HASTE, my good Antient, I would see thee Haste 
 to Mistress Quickly's I have misused thee I con- 
 fess it, I confess it; but be thou the good Samaritan 
 I have need of oil to my wounds I have been cozen'd, 
 revil'd, and whipt cozen'd by Woman, revil'd by 
 Man, and whipt by Child. I have been antler' d, my 
 good Antient, though not wedded. But I lie, I have 
 been wedded too ; to a buck-basket, to the hot fingers 
 of fairy-elves, to the frail promises of a woman. Yea, 
 I have had the spinster's ring I was sous'd into the 
 Thames, and wrung by mine Host's scullions ; cramp'd 
 'twixt hand and hand like a rinc'd doublet. I had 
 thought my swoln belly were but a mass of congealed 
 sack, beverag'd, indeed with a slight smack of distilla- 
 tion from the poppies of the drowsy god ; but I was 
 out, villainously mistaken I had more bucket-water 
 than sack: and for distillation, I'm a knave an there hath 
 been a scruple of it in my whole system for a matter 
 of eight and forty hours. There is no rest in a cart 
 Mine Host, and his fry of innkeepers all the lice of 
 Egypt lye in their quarters! did enter into confederacy 
 to unhorse me I broke their backs, forsooth ! 'Tis a 
 68
 
 lie. The disciple Ananias leas'd not so largely 'tis 
 a lie But thou art at Windsor thou must be advised 
 of all this ; for the ballad-singing knaves did deal out, 
 circulate their protest 'twas a standing jest thou 
 must know it. I will briefly then unfold to thee, 
 mine Antient, how I escaped me away. I had note 
 of a commodity of hides being carted for London, 
 bucklers for Hal's, I would say the King's service. A 
 curse on Hal ! Would he were fellow-twin to the 
 giant, he with the vulture at his chitterlings ! To 
 Windsor went I for a reconciliation ; from Windsor 
 came I for a Tanner's yard ! Mark me, good mine 
 Antient : Having note that there were hides going 
 for London, I barter'd with the carter, brib'd the 
 boor to decamp at midnight without coil, for the 
 town was mad, would ha' kept me for sport, made 
 a Sampson of me, had I consorted with ox-hides 
 by day. In I got, unknowing of other passengers 
 there were myriads by night they did roost on the 
 morrow I was envelop'd, a lump of corruption ! a 
 very dunghill, with all it's suffocative smells ! The 
 buck-basket was a mansion to it, a Court would I 
 had been there again ! I'd submitted to be quoited 
 into the river I'd submitted to be stirred like a 
 boiled cabbage yea, by the cowl-staff. I was fifty 
 69
 
 times in the mind to descend on the road, and trust to 
 dame Fortune for the rest ; but the rogue will'd it 
 not he had a jest in store for the goal I bargain'd, 
 and for the goal I must on. 'Twas not in my ability 
 to vault 'twas a precipice of five foot I should ha' 
 burst like a bladder, and with as much explosion too, 
 for I had fasted. The town did come in view, and I 
 was in a cart, drove like dung for a fallow ; a man of 
 my rank and parts ! I was compell'd to creep between 
 the horns of the teeming hides, and ensconce me 
 beneath. I was compell'd to forego the light of day, 
 or would I have lived, mine Antient, to be shotten like 
 a tale of bricks, from the nether end of a cart into a 
 Tanner's yard ? I'd rather roll'd and been dash'd 
 I'd rather have lain till the day of resurrection in the 
 paunches of fallow hounds. Had I been diminutive, 
 I must have into the pit but I o'ershadow'd it the 
 tan-pit, for the foul favour'd whipshot had made it 
 his mark. 
 
 Haste, good mine Antient, I have more to tell thee. 
 Mine Hostess did think I had risen from the dead 
 Would I had not been so much among the living ! 
 But indeed I was much corrupted Let me see thee 
 Delay not. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF. 
 70
 
 XXVIII Sir John to Corporal 
 Eardolph 
 
 WHY, them damn'd Mulciberian Cyclops-beaming 
 rascal thou recreant servitor to recreant Hinds ; 
 thou hast no more honourable aspirement in thee, 
 than is in a tail-abbreviated butcher's retainer. 
 Because the apostate Prince, the Eastcheap Iscariot, 
 commended the boy Francis, thou must, forsooth, 
 perpetually gibbet, gibbet, gibbet, up and down like 
 mine Hostess's pybald turnspit. 
 
 One would think, the only particle of Promethean 
 animation thy carcase was dowered with, had con- 
 center'd in thy perpetually verduring nasalities ; and 
 yet have I seen thee trail a pike most puissantly. Nay, 
 'twas thy gait, thy warlike deportment, procured thee 
 a halbert ; superadded indeed to a subtilty of ringer 
 thou wert egregiously endowed with. 
 
 Hast thou forgotten, when some thirty years ago 
 thou wert piously bawling out a rosary with good 
 Mistress Blurt, at Paul's ? Hast thou forgotten the 
 theft of her holy beads ? I saw it, and dubb'd thee 
 an officer upon the spot ; and now are these good 
 7'
 
 gentlemanly acquirements shrunk to the service of a 
 pewter-pot ! By the Spirit of Cacus, 'tis an apostacy 
 more egregious than that of the betrayer Judas. To 
 see a fine dull, indifferent, dispassionate, pick-purse, 
 forego his laudable, his honourable avocation, and 
 commence waiting- varlet, 'mong the draff of society ! 
 'Tis a breach, a perilous gap in the Holy Command, 
 which prescribes unto man to be duteous and content 
 in his ordained state of life. I shall live to see thee 
 damn'd, Bardolph. In the name of a soldier, I conjure 
 thee bestir thyself. Instant discharge me the knave 
 Tapster, and inlist me the tall recruit Ambition. 
 Think not I would that thou should'st forswear ale 
 Drink, drink an it's an angel a quart, I'll answer the 
 brewage. 
 
 If thou conceit'st, that the deep wassel is only to 
 be kept in common houses, thou art villainously mis- 
 taken. I was never a tapster, and yet hath my blood 
 kept a perpetual coronation. Sack, burnt sack, hath 
 preserv'd me an illuminated front ; but indeed 'twas 
 ever an emblem of the Falstaff loyalty. My grandam, 
 when he died bequeath'd to his son's portion a swoln 
 kidney. The young heir, a Roman of the true stamp, 
 increas'd the family estate it throve with him. For 
 myself, thou hast known me, Bardolph, thou hast 
 7*
 
 known me. I am not like a many of these now-a-day 
 summer heirs, who prodigally lavish in civets the 
 estates of their ancestors. No I have religiously 
 kept up the inheritance Prove that the fires of my 
 liver have ever been extinct Prove that they have, 
 and scourge me with rods like the drowsy vestal. 
 
 In the most profound science of philosophy there 
 is a term, Corporal, and it is much used, called an 
 Axiom But I will not mispend the superrogatory 
 wind, with which the omnipotence of Candy hath 
 kindly bless'd me withal, by entering into verbose 
 definition, and perplexing thee with crude phrase 
 No ! am too well acquainted with thy indis- 
 criminate uncleanly appliances of papers. I will 
 briefly observe then, that it hath ever been es- 
 teemed a self-evident principle, that the sincerity 
 of returning allegiance is better expressed by deeds 
 than words. I know not whether the Apostle 
 Thomas had my belly ; but this I know, I have his 
 unbelief. Thou may'st have the faith and the suffer- 
 ance of Zopyrus more, more I deny it not. But, 
 Corporal, I'll see thee damn'd ere I'll trust to it, till 
 thou hast given the irrefragable proof. My horses 
 are under arrest Mine Host hath them in durance for 
 a credit of Ford's he that made a Yonker of the fat 
 73
 
 Knight, under the semblance of Master Brook that 
 dealt him angels in his pocket, and blows on his skin 
 that flighted him into a ditch for a tadpole, and hunted 
 him through Windsor Forest for a buck that but 
 the breath of man is not sufficiently competent to great 
 revenge. I did never wish to control the south-west 
 wind till now I'd blister him, till the very beasts 
 trembled at his din Bardolph, bring off my beasts, 
 my horses. Steal Enter Ford's house there is a 
 fourth door but ill fortified ; and let me see thee 
 forty pounds the weightier for thy tapstership. I 
 shall be in Eastcheap Delay not the moments Mine 
 Antient Pistol doth await to greet thee by the fist. 
 I'll not bid thee adieu, but I'll bid thee farewell. 
 Nym faith, there is a stoop of excellent malt-liquor 
 in tap here. 
 
 JOHN FALSTAFF. 
 
 74
 
 XXIX Sir Hugh Evans of the goof 
 town Windsor , Priest^ to Sir John 
 Falstaffl greeting 
 
 SIR JOHN, I emprace you fery affectionately I fold 
 you to my posom marry, not itentically and literally, 
 o'er my conscience you are too pig ; put py type and py 
 token, as Mistress Ford is 'ont [to] express her affection, 
 peradventure, in 'Indsor Forest. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Sir 
 John, why you are creat upon your own elections and 
 immunities Free Ranger in King Harry's park, and 
 Knight of the most respectable and good Order of the 
 Path ; invested, marry, in Datchet Mead. Pless my 
 soul ! why I did never know Christian rise to such 
 preferments without the assistance of Majesty save 
 and except hur own countrymen who, have, inteed, 
 been compell'd to crow creat of themselves since the 
 days of Llewellyn. Why, if the opinion of some 
 shrewd philosophers pe just and goot, which do afer, 
 that the soul of man (and the pody is conjunctive 
 and inseparable) doth processively crow nearer to 
 perfection, o' my conscience, you make such strides, 
 you will pe exalted apove the heads of all the people 
 75
 
 fery shortly ; if py no other means, marry, at the 
 callows for stifling some poor 'oman to death with 
 that monstrous feather-ped in your pelly. Ha ! ha ! 
 ha ! You see, Sir John, we of the Kubrick can be 
 fery merry, maugre a plack coat and doublet ; put 
 you must pear with a little (Pless my soul, what is the 
 'ord ? Galen hath it ) aye, 'tis a Retort you must 
 pear with a little retort, for the mockery and gybe 
 you did put upon me 'fore Master Ford, and his goot 
 friends. 
 
 Put all this is not my present pusiness. There is a 
 man, Sir John, marry, one Pandolph, or Pardolph, for 
 inteed he hath not, Got help, the appearance of a 
 Pope's Legate a sleepy, heavy-look'd man, with lifid 
 knots on his nose and cheeks you must recollection 
 the man he Jives with mine Host of the Garter, an 
 traws ale and peer in a greasy old red coat Well, 
 peing very illiterate and padly brought up, the more 
 the pity i he hath fery properly, look'e, made motions 
 to me, as his Pastor, to frame something goot by way 
 of answer to a tender made him. Got pless my heart 
 and soul, why you are 'orse than the Arch-Tevil in 
 Paradise! You tempt man and 'oman both. Look'e 
 Sir John, the intention may pe goot ; put I must pe 
 pold to declare, the man peareth himself with greater 
 76
 
 order and principle, o' my conscience, than there is 
 reason to pelieve, and credit of him, aforetime. In- 
 teed, he is a little pit given to trowsiness ; put then 
 he doth not pilfer, and do dirty actions, as Abraham 
 Slender, Esquire, Got's Lords ! a creat Magistrate o' 
 the County o' Gloucester, can fouch. I do afer, Sir 
 John, the man is petter pe a door-keeper in the House 
 of the Lord, than a creat one in the tents o'the ungodly 
 so, take your 'visaments in this He 'ould altogether 
 remain with mine Host, who doth pleed him, and 
 physick him, and inteed 'ork with him as much dis- 
 cretions on his face to render somewhat like the image 
 of a man ; though more the misfortune, without effect. 
 Peradventure, he may have some private hankerings 
 after a prother soldier 'tis to pe expected Got's 
 Lord's ! Thirty years is a long shot to follow the 
 trum : put I do peseech, and desire of you, that he pe 
 not enticed nor spirited away; for, o' my conscience, 
 the man hath put little prain to help himself. Peseech 
 you, Sir John, look'e, as a shrewd turn. 
 
 I shall be glad to pe advis'd of your emparkation to 
 pull down the French King. Got send his Majesty 
 'ould make his peace with Glendower He's a prave 
 man, and 'ould atchiefe 'onders O' my life, you'll do 
 nought without him. An you have admittances to 
 77
 
 his Majesty, make a prief o' the matter, and report it 
 he may be soon found depend, he's only among the 
 plack mountains. 
 
 Marry, Sir John, there is one matter peside. You 
 did porrow at my house a silver toaster. Mine 
 Host of the Garter hath it not. Peseech you, look 
 among your service of plate, and let me have it 'tis 
 a weight o' fourteen ounce Mine Host did merrily 
 say your plate was all carried off on your pack. Ha ! 
 ha ! ha ! Pe you a pedlar, Sir John, or was it a 
 vlout, and a freak of the scald knave's ? O' my con- 
 science, one 'ould think you had enough to do to 
 pear away your own powels ; more especially after 
 the merry compination o' the inn-keepers. Peseech 
 you, Sir John, look among your service for my toaster. 
 I have a present of seese from Monmouth. Well ! 
 Got's comfort go with you ! his Angels piddle down 
 plessings on your knaggin ! 
 
 HUGH EVANS.
 
 XXX Sir John to Corporal Bardolp/i 
 
 BARDOLPH, thou wilt make me call on Heaven to take 
 me to itself I shall regret having survived to witness 
 the degeneracy of gentlemen, my good friends. I 
 know not whether Dame Fortune will have it so for 
 some disservice I have done her, but my late passages 
 in life have been villanously wayward Pistol hath 
 play'd me the light heel Nym hath revolted thou 
 art a truant. Mine Antient, and Nym, indeed, unable 
 to procure forage without me, have come to confession 
 and received absolution ; and thou dost only with- 
 stand the affectionate tenders and remonstrances of 
 thy old master. Bardolph, have I wrong'd thee at 
 any time ? Have I not made mine own necessities 
 crouch to thy wants ? Nay, have I not, many a time 
 and oft, advanced thee monies when mine whole com- 
 pany were fain, out of very poverty, [to] quarter upon 
 the country ? Thrice have I rescued thy legs from 
 the stocks. When have I withheld my linen, when 
 thy body had else rotted in bed ? But that I saved 
 thee, thou had once been flogg'd from hamlet to 
 hamlet, been skinn'd for a fox, for pullet-stealing. 
 79
 
 What matters it, that thou wert employed by me ? 
 Thy duty and fidelity to thy master would gain thee 
 laud at the latter day, I grant ye ; but would it have 
 pour'd in oil to thy wounds here ? 
 
 I had thought of retiring from the world, like a 
 good white-headed old man, surrounded by every 
 my antient, and approved good domestics. I had 
 thought of devoting a portion of my future days of 
 strength to the subduing of my juvenile passions I 
 was loth to put it off too long ; for know, Bardolph, 
 there is a certain point in the age of Man, when the 
 delights of the flesh do wax palsied in their govern- 
 ment. I mean not, that the accumulation of a 
 specifick number of years must of necessity blunt the 
 powers. No. God forbid that threescore should be 
 unprocreative ! Indeed, I am more than that myself. 
 No. There is a period, I say, which is more distant 
 or early, according to the strength of the fortress, 
 when our ally, Dame Nature, causeth the foe to with- 
 draw, and saveth us the merit of a self-conquest. 
 
 Hast thou never observ'd, good Corporal, (now can 
 I not call thee by any other name) hast thou never 
 observ'd in Eastcheap a spare acrimonious-looking 
 cannibal, feeding on his brethren, I would mean on 
 roast crabs ? Hast thou never observ'd the dewlap'd 
 So
 
 elder, with finger trembling on the chords of old-age, 
 apply bestriding glasses to his well-contrived nose, and 
 view the figures on mine Hostess's tapestry ? His ocular 
 powers have grown dim by age in vain doth he look 
 out for the soft colourings that once pleas'd him 
 his eye can discern nought but the ordinary shades 
 his film, his film does it. Just so fares it with this 
 goodly landscape of the world -The Yonker admires 
 it's softer colourings, it's pleasures ; and by habit is 
 too prone to retain a smack for them, till the last 
 hour of actual enjoyment passethaway; till the blood, 
 it's uncheck'd spirit flagg'd in reaching the imaginary 
 goal, courseth along like a staid mule. This state of 
 incompetent imbecility would I provide against I 
 would have the merit of a forestall'd repentance. 
 
 There is a thing, Corporal, mentioned in Holy Writ, 
 and it is known to many in our land by the name of 
 mushroom Manna, I would say ; but indeed, 'tis 
 the same thing. This Manna, as Moses doth assert 
 in his Reports upon adjudged Cases, fell as the dew of 
 Heaven upon an hungry people. Now, if they had 
 possessed no teeth, good Corporal, God's Elect had been 
 lost, and the Manna remained unmasticate at this day. 
 
 Such another windfall is penitence, unprofitable to 
 him who findeth it too late. 
 
 81 G
 
 For this cause had I thought of retiring timely with 
 my good domestics and retainers about me. Thyself, 
 Nym, Pistol, my faithful dogs, Mistress Dol, with thy 
 own Helen, good Corporal, all, all should embrace the 
 blessed moment of regeneration. For this did I 
 desire thee to bring off my horses. Is it for me, Cor- 
 poral, to abandon my gentle, my good cattle, to 
 the mercy of the ungodly, to the thong of a mun- 
 danely-minded hunt-counter, an inn-keeper ? I thank 
 my God, I have not yet the bowels of a Turk. 
 
 Mine Antient, who bears these, will inform thee 
 more fully. Advise with him ; and remember, Bar- 
 dolph, if thou still adherest to thy damnable heresy, 
 Sir John is no longer thy friend. 
 
 Farewell ! 
 
 8z
 
 XXXI Antient Pistol to Sir John 
 Falstaff 
 
 LET sack abound ! Be merry, Goodman Buff for 
 Bardolph, foul-engender'd wight, the mule of stubborn 
 rein, doth yield to Knighthood's proffers. Sir John 
 shall have the stud avaunt the stud of mushroom 
 growth, the Bardolph's nasal stud ! I mean the Bully 
 Rock's Bucephalus and Alexandrine nags ! Sir John 
 shall steed again Pistol hath said it. Shall deeds 
 proclaim, how garter'd Hosts, and Brazen Bulls were 
 charm'd ? Or will old CEson list, ere Jason doth 
 bring home the Golden Fleece ? I will unfold, for 
 since that Quorum-oneyers yearn to sack, Pauca's a 
 tatler grown. 
 
 When Pistol kenn'd the Lazar,he of spigot-puissance, 
 off-shogg'd the scouler like to Dutchman's pinnace. 
 And did not ancestry o'ertake ? Yea, and subdue ; 
 or Pistol's Caliber is not of England's mould. 
 
 Sir John, and master mine, thou art the kernel and 
 the core of Clerkish Knighthood. The apple of mine 
 eye is base Foh ! a Figo for the phrase ! Let paucity 
 be Nym's Pistol is quaint of quip. Thou art the
 
 tree on Ida's top, whence golden apples grow to tempt 
 the maw of man. Bardolph will pluck, go to. Thy 
 schoolish letter, Knight, hath from the lees of ale 
 incorporate distill'd unmanly tear ; at scan of it, the 
 bashful Corporal did weep like she of Thebes. His 
 senses are most sap he hath been brew'd, and wort's 
 his age Doth the humour pass ? He is a child, go 
 to and from his swaddling-clothes will Pistol shape 
 the doublet, slops, and eke the short cloak hight, for 
 Knighthood's wear. Shall Dombledons and silk- 
 worms vile lay dead in sepulchre, and shall not man 
 be cloath'd ? Why then let Ford be spun. He shall 
 be robb'd ; for warriors must have Mark in body and 
 in breech. Clip we the Bardolph's snuff, when ser- 
 vices are done ? Or do we fuel add, for he is to the 
 socket burnt ? In niching time his eyelids do bow 
 down, and pawn'd he hath to weaver's man most 
 base, his goodly Caliver, for hose of second wear. He 
 must be sherk'd, or charges will ensue Come we to 
 the pauca one, or shall the Phoenix blaze ? We must 
 adopt, or Dian will become maid Marian to Lucifer, 
 and lead his mowing Imps, his damned apes of Hell. 
 We must succession have ; for lads and compeers, 
 wooers of the Moon, should never dwindle fellowship 
 Pistol will Jackall be unto the crew. Sir John, and 
 84
 
 Lion mine, arrest thine eyes' epistolary progress, and 
 mark the Calf I mean the crural Calf. Seest thou 
 ought unsymmetried ? Now, by the lad that Vulcan, 
 he of antler' d brow, did catch like sparrow, his soul is 
 as well apportion'd Palm him the Nief of mickle 
 Fellowship, and from the tiding-bearer low bid boy- 
 hood rise the puissant Pick-purse. Ought, that Pistol 
 hath not utter'd, he will unfold. Bow down um- 
 brageous Manhood, and perpend unto him. 
 
 Thine Antient PISTOL. 
 
 Ford shall be robb'd Bardolph is Tapster to him, 
 and doth his threshold know. Thy nags shall forage 
 in Eastcheap ere bats do sleep again. Farewell !
 
 XXXII Davy to Shallow 
 
 I BESEECH your good Worship to come quick. Here 
 is Master Abram very ill He goes about, and about, 
 lobs his head over this shoulder, and over that shoulder, 
 like, your Worship, as it were, just of all the world like 
 the large sun-flower of an afternoon by the tulip borders. 
 I'm afraid, and so's Robin, that he's bestraught; for 
 he sighs, and slobbers his beard, and Robin says, a' 
 sometimes looks, marry, just as your Worship did, 
 when your Worship went mad about the Coat of 
 Arms at old Sir Thomas's death. He went on the 
 Bench with your Worship's Cousin Silence, to commit 
 some vagrants, for stealing the nettles out of the ditch 
 in the Park to make broth, thereby hurting the fences ; 
 and he took no note of any thing, but look'd down 
 upon the ground, and sigh'd, and sigh'd and pre- 
 sently, when your Worship's Cousin Silence ordered 
 I should make out a mittimus for one Alice Page, a' 
 cried out Mum ! and said, she was in white and she 
 was an old gypsey, your Worship, in drab ; and so I 
 told Master Abram, but he call'd me a Post-boy. I 
 beseech your Worship to come quick, for a' heeds 
 86
 
 nobody. Master Abram was wont speak very soft, 
 and play ball with the maids, and sing to us in the 
 Hall ; and now a' goes about, and pines, and pines, 
 and eats no not the tithe of a gooseberry. I got him 
 a dish of prunes, stew'd prunes, your Worship, that a' 
 was wont to delight in ; and a' touch'd them not ; 
 but said, Mr. Fentum, Mr. Fentum must have 'em. 
 But I told him there was no such a gentleman in 
 Cotswold ; then a' call'd out, " Nan Page was a 
 maid , " and so fell a gobbling them up with his hands, 
 both his hands, that your Worship, 'twas quite unlike 
 Master Abram, that was always so bashful to eat afore 
 any body at all. I beg your Worship to hasten, or a' 
 may come to a bad end. A' went out at twelve o'clock 
 last night, and said the fat Knight Falstaff, he that 
 robb'd your Worship's park, was under the elms 
 Robin and I took our calivers to shoot him, remember- 
 ing your Worship's directions ; but a' was not there 
 all was lonely, your Worship, and yet Master Abram 
 would not come in A' said, " Nan Page would 
 appear in white," and then a' call'd out, Mum ! 
 Mum / 
 
 Good your Worship, I'll be bold to observe upon a 
 point : A matter has struck me, as your Worship was 
 wont to say marry, and very hard. I hope he be 
 8?
 
 not, that is, I think a' would not, your Worship con- 
 ceits me, I should grieve that that our Master 
 
 Abram were in league with Truly, I have serv'd 
 
 your Worship very faithfully a matter of twelve years, 
 as serving-man, and steward, and butler, and I have 
 but six mark a year, your Worship and clerk, and 
 keeper of the stocks, and all for six mark, your Wor- 
 ship and cook, and cook's man, and hatch'd your 
 Worship's young turkies, worn all your Worship's cast 
 doublets and hose it's a long charge for one lone 
 man, and six mark's a short reckoning, and I hope 
 your Worship would make a friend of me in any great 
 matter An Master Abram be one on 'em, he may 
 have great reason for it and I'll be suppos'd he is ; 
 for a' walks back and back quite in thought, and 
 speaks to himself, and then answers, and does all just 
 as Percy the Duke's son did, afore he was kill'd Your 
 Worship may trust a worse man than me, and trust a 
 friend Master Abram may stand in Percy's shoes, 
 and yet wear them out, I can tell your Worship that. 
 There's much wool in Cotswold, altho' little cry. 
 The Stroud's a small shot over ; but a bullet won't 
 find the bottom soon. Would your Worship have the 
 bucklers and mails clean'd up, that hang in the Hall ? 
 Marry, and the Welch hooks new pointed ? Glen- 
 88
 
 dower will teach us trail the hook. I would your 
 Worship would come among us. Here's William 
 Visor, and Ralph Rampant, and Phil. Snugges, and 
 Mark Maple-eye, and many more of us we exercise, 
 your Worship, every day ; and I deal out provisions 
 and ale from your Worship's cellar and I would your 
 Worship would give order for pay ; and some hops, 
 your Worship, for brewing ; and some hurdles for 
 the turnip-field ; and a new yoke for the oxen ; and 
 a word of comfort for Alice Shortcake ; she pines, 
 your Worship, about Master Abram. 
 
 With these matters I humbly take leave of your 
 Worship. 
 
 89
 
 XXXIII Shallow to Davy 
 
 GOD bless my heart and soul! Disband the soldiers, 
 Davy Let 'em be disbanded. Bless my heart, I 
 shall be attainted of affection to his Majesty's enemies. 
 That Mark Maple-eye hath more colours than one 
 I have seen him a good subject. Marry, doth my 
 Cousin Silence know, is he advised of the matter ? 
 Let him not know it, Davy. How long hath Ralph 
 Rampant been a rebel ? Marry, he shall remain 
 Rampant he shall be quarter'd for their arms, 
 hung, drawn, and quarter'd. Let my Cousin Slender 
 be tended, Davy, closely, Davy a crook in love 
 should be in the hand of a good shepherd He hath 
 been cross'd, Davy. A fair sprag maiden of good 
 conditions and endowments, but come of the first 
 woman, yea, more fig-leaves to conceal her tendences 
 than Eve, Davy marry a Budget. Let John Coomb 
 widen the stocks Hath he sent his bill, Davy ? Let 
 my Cousin Silence have it for the Quorum. The 
 County must pay it 'tis a repair awarded for damages, 
 damages by the rebels in their retreat, Davy. A 
 new granary, and a dove-cot, indeed, on my own 
 90
 
 lands, but that is nought, not awhit. Marry, we 
 examine we cast, and pay. Truly, an a Justice of 
 the Peace could not shift to edge any little tiny 
 matter in of his own, the Quorum would not hold 
 plural 'twould quick be in the singular number, 
 Davy, soon Qui, quae, quod. Ha ! ha ! ha I We 
 don't labour in the vineyard for nought, Davy Ha ! 
 ha ! ha ! Marry, let the stocks be widened Bid 
 John Coomb look to it, and see that it be done. I'm 
 resolv'd, that William Visor shall not 'scape his legs 
 shall not bear him off again he hath a gross calf ; but 
 the stocks shall bind it he shall not get away yea 
 he shall be bound in calf. God bless my soul, Davy, 
 how could you assemble ; how encourage, marry, and 
 marshal, the foes of his gracious Majesty ? O' my 
 conscience, I might have been proclaim'd, yea, marry, 
 declared a rebel by attainder, and march'd against. 
 But indeed you have not been in love, Davy you 
 never lov'd. My Cousin Slender hath a great trial 
 look to him, Davy he hath much give him at- 
 tendance, Davy he may start, marry, and break out, 
 and 'tis love, Davy, look to him, a liege subject, 
 and a loyal, may do it. I could name you the day, 
 when the hear of a fine tall Bona-Roba would make 
 me, I should ha' hop'd you God bless my heart, 
 9'
 
 why what, Davy it is not all brew'd hath become 
 of the Pocket from Hinchley market the Pocket of 
 Hops, new hops, Davy, bought at the wake, marry, 
 of Hugh Ryecrop ? You can't chuse want hops, 
 Davy certain you can't. Marry, for the yoke, let 
 it be had ; but the hurdles, Davy, must be stak'd 
 and bound You don't give range, you don't give 
 scope, Davy, to the flock. Let them have an half 
 acre turnip they'll not level fences. Look to my 
 Cousin Slender. I shall tend him myself, Davy, soon, 
 Davy. 
 
 ROBERT SHALLOW.
 
 XXXIFDavy to Shallow 
 
 MASTER ABRAM is dead, gone, your Worship 
 dead ! Master Abram ! Oh ! good your Worship, 
 a's gone. A never throve, since a' came from Windsor 
 'twas his death. I call'd him a rebel, your Worship 
 but a' was all subject a' was subject to any babe, 
 as much as a King a' turn'd, like as it were the latter 
 end of a lover's lute a' was all peace and resignment 
 a' took delight in nothing but his book of songs and 
 sonnets a' would go to the Stroud side under the 
 large beech tree, and sing, till 'twas quite pity of our 
 lives to mark him ; for his chin grew as long as a 
 muscle Oh ! a' sung his soul and body quite away 
 a' was lank as any greyhound, and had such a scent ! 
 I hid his love-songs among your Worship's law-books ; 
 for I thought, if a' could not get at them, it might 
 be to his quiet ; but a snuff'd 'em out in a moment. 
 Good your Worship, have the wise woman of Brentford 
 secured Master Abram may have been conjured 
 Peter Simple says, a' never look'd up, after a' sent to 
 the wise woman Marry, a' was always given to look 
 down afore his elders ; a' might do it, your Worship 
 93
 
 knows it; but then 'twas peak and pert with him a' 
 was a man again, marry, in the turn of his heel. A' died, 
 your Worship, just about one, at the crow of the cock. 
 I thought how it was with him ; for a talk'd as quick, 
 aye, marry, as glib as your Worship ; and a' smiled, 
 and look'd at his own nose, and call'd " Sweet Ann 
 Page." I ask'd him if a' would eat so a' bad us 
 commend him to his Cousin Robert (a' never call'd 
 your Worship so before), and bade us get hot meat, 
 for a' would not say nay to Ann again. But a' never 
 liv'd to touch it a' began all in a moment to sing 
 " Lovers all, a Madrigal." 'Twas the only song 
 Master Abram ever learnt out of book, and clean by 
 heart, your Worship and so a' sung and smil'd, and 
 look'd askew at his own nose, and sung, and sung on, 
 till his breath waxed shorter, and shorter, and shorter, 
 and a' fell into a struggle and died. I beseech your 
 Worship to think he was well tended I look'd to him, 
 your Worship, late and soon, and crept at his heel 
 all day long, an it had been any fallow dog but I 
 thought a' could never live, for a' did so sing, and then 
 a' never drank with it I knew 'twas a bad sign yea 
 a' sung, your Worship, marry, without drinking a 
 drop. 
 
 Alice Shortcake craves, she may make his shroud. 
 94
 
 Ah ! had your Worship but never ha' taken him to 
 Windsor ! I knew Mistress Alice's mind, marry, and 
 Master Abram's too they ha' coupled, your Worship, 
 and never dreamt of love, any more than all their 
 forefathers, and grandfathers did afore them. 
 
 Old Sir Simon's vault must be opened, I humbly 
 conceit, your Worship ; and Master Abram's effigy 
 placed by his side in the Chancelry, in armour, marry, 
 with his hands folded on his breast, by way of denoting 
 his death's-wound ! for I humbly think, with your 
 Worship's leave, it may tend to warn all such, as have 
 not shrewd heads, from entering into love-matters. 
 An your Worship will specify time and place, I'll bring 
 the horses to meet, and carry your Worship home, in 
 order to have directions about Master Abram's funeral. 
 Your Worship's serving man, 
 
 DAVY. 
 
 95
 
 The following fragment appears among Sir John's 
 papers. // evidently formed part of a Letter to the 
 Prince; but being very mutilated \ the Editor was for 
 some time irresolute as to granting it admission among his 
 more perfect MS. However, an innate reverence to 
 every the most trifling relique of the good Knight, at 
 length determined him to present it to the publick. 
 * * made up of the shreds and clippings of the 
 several arts and sciences. He hath made much pro- 
 gress in Italian, doth begin to wax villainously nasal 
 in his pronunciation of French ; and for dancing, 
 Hal! he would flit ye to and fro like a shadow. * * 
 
 * * In height he is about 5 foot 1 1, or by'r lady, 
 inclining to six foot ; but the face, the face, is the 
 Trumpeter to this aspiring inclination of Master 
 Blender's ; the distance from chin to brow being a 
 common pace, or geometrically speaking, is to the 
 whole upright system as 4 to l6 one fourth, if we 
 omit fractions. With all this majesty of * * * * 
 ******* 
 
 CCET. DESUNT. 
 
 96
 
 XXXV Captain Fluellin to Mrs. 
 Quickly 
 
 GOT pless my heart! Captain Falstaff dead! Mis- 
 tress 'Ickly, I hope he departed with the fear of his 
 Majesty in poth his eyes, marry, and of Got too ? 
 His Majesty, to pe sure, was repukings and gallings 
 to him, when his Majesty, look'e, was King upon the 
 death of his father ; but that is nought If he used 
 his goot pleasures in the matter, look'e, Mistress 'Ickly, 
 he might degrade, and create a trummer, or a fifer, 
 or what is 'orse, the sutlers paggage-pearer o' the 
 camp, of me, or of any captain. Sir John was old, 
 most certain, and his preed might pe a matter pigger 
 than I can recollection to have seen ; put that, look'e, 
 should not kill him a whit the more sudden. 'hy, I 
 did have letters from him. when was the messenger 
 arrive ? Aye, yesterday is the week, 'tis in my pocket, 
 advising of a kind of intention, marry, to empark for 
 the enemy's coast with me and Captain Gower 'tis 
 a gypish and jokish, and as primful of the altogether 
 Knight, o' my conscience, as one graff'd pippin might 
 favour of another. Put Death is fery ill and moody in 
 97
 
 his 'haviour and manners. He is not the Gentleman, 
 peradventure, in his intercourses, that I might observe 
 of other his relatifes. There was Ulysses the Greek 
 had occasions and matters to discuss with Pluto 
 'hy, he was received, look'e, pelow, as his rank merited 
 O, Death had a goot pattern in Pluto! I have had 
 readings apout Death you shall hear 
 
 And when he 'ould pe merry, he doth chuse 
 The gaudy champer of a dying King 
 O* then he doth ope wide his poney chaws, 
 And with rude laughter and fantastic tricks, 
 He claps his rattling fingers to his side ; 
 And when this solemn mockery 
 
 Put I will end with this solemn mockery. You see, 
 Mistress 'Ickly, that Death hath his vlouts, and his 
 freaks, and his merriments, maugre what all the 
 antient writers may afer ; tho' o' my conscience, I 
 cannot say, I did ever in any my patties and skirmishes 
 see him, look'e, so much as on a proad grin. I am 
 forget the lineage and family of the author ; put it 
 pe Irish. 
 
 Hath Captain Falstaff left any creat matters in the 
 
 way of estate ? Put that's no matter at all send me 
 
 the pill of his funeral charges, and I will pe three 
 
 crowns in his debt to puy him a pound of lead to lay 
 
 98
 
 in. So Got me 'udge, I affection'd the man, as a man, 
 peradventure, might estimate of a prother, where there 
 was only one in the family, look'e, peside the father 
 and his ownself. He was the fery person of all the 
 'orld to keep th' universal army in goot glee, when the 
 athversary, o' my conscience, approach'd with his pike 
 as far off as the jerk of half a stone. Hath he left sons 
 and daughters to represent and typify him in the 
 'orld ? Let me pe advised o' this matter, Mistress 
 'Ickly. I will promotion and make them as pig men 
 under King Harry, as he that peget them of 'oman ; 
 that is, Mistress 'Ickly, upon the well fouchment, and 
 pelief, and credit too, that they pe honest and goot 
 subjects, and pe not given to porrowings and sackings. 
 O' my credit, there is three pounds Sir John did get 
 advance of me py way of possets, which is no petter 
 than dross Put that look'e, is a matter of affapility 
 petween us, that I 'ould not discuss to an own prother. 
 He is dead, and I am three crowns in his debt, 
 and there's the finish. 
 
 Got bless you, Mistress Quickly ! 
 
 99
 
 NOTES
 
 Page 3, line i. The correspondence appeared to have com- 
 menced while Sir John stopped at Shallow's seat in Gloucester- 
 shire to pick up recruits in his way to York. Vide the Second 
 part of King Henry IV, , Act III. 
 
 4, 20. It is needless to observe that Mouldy, Bullcalf, Wart, 
 Feeble, and Shadow must have formed the able recruits Sir 
 John here alludes to. 
 
 5, 21. Sir John's conceit is here rather obscure. I submit, but 
 with great deference, whether he does not allude to the sensitive 
 nature of the torpedo, which is immediately convulsed on being 
 touched. 
 
 14, 7. I fear ancient Pistol was in this coil. 
 
 17, 4. Probably the contemptuous manner in which the 
 opposite party spoke of the house of Lancaster. 
 
 17, 24. Poor Sir John's views were rather confined ; only 
 fifty foot to look forward to for preferment. 
 
 24, 2. Davy, I suppose, anticipated the honours of his master. 
 
 24, 8. Davy could never away with this Clement Perkes. 
 Vide Henry IV^ Act V. sc. i. 
 
 35, 9. The editor most respectfully appeals to Mr. Malone 
 for the sense of this word so frequently in the Antient's mouth. 
 Having in vain ransacked Chaucer, Ben Jonson, Beaumont and 
 Fletcher, Middleton and Rowley, etc., he is at length compelled to 
 print it literatim from the MS. for the comments of more learned 
 men than himself. 
 
 41, 6. Shrewdly conceived, and profoundly, by Master Robert 
 Shallow. For a man, of whom Hollingshed and other writers 
 103
 
 relate such wonders, to travel a score or two leagues fish-fashion, 
 were the most easy and consistent thing in the world. Take 
 water at Radnor, pass Brecknock and Monmouthshires, land 
 and cut across the country ; wet his fins again at Cirencester, 
 by Oxford, Wallingford, etc., bait at Marlow, and thus to 
 Datchet ! 
 
 42, 20. It should be observed that Sir John had discarded Nym 
 and Pistol for refusing to become his emissaries in the design on 
 Ford's wife. See Merry Wives of Windsor, Act I. sc. iii. 
 
 46, 21. Dr. Caius had been present at the beating of Falstaff 
 when disguised as the Maid's Aunt of Brentford. This accounts 
 for his frequent cautions to Mrs. Ford. He dreads a discovery. 
 
 47, 9. Cleymes were artificial sores raised by the application 
 of unslacked lime on the legs of paupers, etc., for the purpose of 
 exciting compassion in passengers. 
 
 49, 20. Does Sir John mean as a pea blown by the breath of 
 school-boy ? 
 
 52, 7. Lemman, or mistress, I rather suppose to have been 
 Master Martlet's meaning. 
 
 57, 14. Sir John is determined not to lose by his boasted 
 acquiescence. 
 
 59, 9. This is not Mrs. Quickly of Eastcheap. 
 
 61, 5. For an explanation of this phrase, see note in First 
 part of Henry IF., Act. III. sc. i. Johnson's edit, of Shakspere. 
 
 65. Master Slender appears to have been tampering with 
 Pistol to write him some love-verses for Ann Page. How he could 
 suspect Mine Ancient of going to work without his accustomed 
 implements, his Aurum Durabile, etc., I can only attribute to 
 his very slight acquaintance with the Ancient. 
 
 71, 2. Perhaps the reader should be reminded that Bardolph 
 had left Sir John's service on account of the Knight's increased 
 expences, and engaged himself as tapster to mine Host of the 
 Garter. 
 
 " I sit at Ten pound a week." 
 
 FALSTAFF, Merry Wives of Windsor, Act I. sc. iii. 
 
 104
 
 [72, 21. An erratum in the first edition corrects "grandam" 
 to "grandsire." Ed.] 
 
 75, 17. The last King of Wales. 
 
 75, 19. Sir Hugh, Sir Hugh, thou art schismatick, Sir Hugh. 
 
 83, 13. Antient Pistol must allude to the mirth of Master 
 Silence in his cups. Vide Second Part of Henry IV. 
 
 86, 12. Query. Was not this same Master Silence a descend- 
 ant of the Roman Tacitus ? 
 
 88, 19. Who could suspect Abraham Slender, Esq., of taking 
 part in National Commotions ? Davy's conceit is certainly a 
 little mirthful. Yet it should be remarked that the wild and 
 irregular starts of Percy may have been the subject of much talk 
 with the common people, and by such shrewd fellows as Davy 
 be considered the distinguishing mark, or (as Falstaff says) the 
 Shibboleth of a Rebel of Rank. 
 
 90, 17. Whether Shallow is intentionally witty, I cannot pre- 
 tend to affirm ; but this same word was to have been sweet Ann 
 Page's private answer to Master Slender's Quail-call in Windsor 
 Forest. Vide Merry Wives of Windsor, Act V. sc. i. 
 
 92, II. Here is an air of pleasantry throughout that I have 
 never observed in Shallow before. Through all his affected anger, 
 'tis easy enough to discover that his vanity is not a little fed by 
 Davy's anticipating ofBciousness. No matter to Robert in what 
 cause they had assembled, he had a corps of soldiers training in 
 his service. 
 
 94, 10. Vide Merry Wives of Windsor. Latter part of Act 
 I. c. i. 
 
 105
 
 INDEX
 
 Aaron's rod, 3. 
 
 Abel, 18. 
 
 Abraham or Abram : see Slender. 
 
 Aeolian bladder, 28. 
 
 Aeolus, 27. 
 
 Aesculapius, 12. 
 
 Aeson, 83. 
 
 Alexandrine nags, 83. 
 
 Ananias, 69. 
 
 Antient Pistol : see Pistol. 
 
 Ararat, 19. 
 
 Asian dogs, 35. 
 
 Avernus, 35. 
 
 Bacchus, 66. 
 
 Barabbas, 7. 
 
 Bardolph, Corporal (the tapster), 
 xxv, 4, 5, 8, 17, 28, 30, 52, 
 71 ff., 73, 79 ff. : letters to, 
 from Sir John Falstafif, 71-74, 
 79-82. 
 
 Beaumont, Francis, 35 (note). 
 
 Berks, county of, 36. 
 
 Blurt, Mistress, 71. 
 
 Boar Tavern, Eastcheap, xviii, 
 xxii, xxv ff., 9 ; 20, 53 : Pome- 
 granate room in, xxv-xxvii. 
 
 Bolingbrokes, 17. 
 
 Bratton, Robin, 21, 26. 
 
 Brecknock, 41 (note). 
 
 Brentford, Maid's Aunt of: see 
 Pratt, Mistress : Wise Woman 
 of: see Pratt, Mistress. 
 
 Brook, Master, 74 : letters to, from 
 Sir John Falstafif, 47-50. 
 
 Bucephalus, 83. 
 
 Budget, 90. 
 Bullcalf, 4 (no.'e). 
 Bully Rock : see Rock. 
 
 Cacus, 72. 
 
 Cain, 18. 
 
 Caius, Dr., 44, 45, 46, 60. 
 
 Camilla, 45. 
 
 Canaries (quandary), 53. 
 
 Castor and Pollux, 67. 
 
 Cervantes, xxviii. 
 
 Charles VI, King of France : see 
 French King. 
 
 Charon, 42. 
 
 Chaucer, 35 (note). 
 
 Chrysostoms, 38. 
 
 Cirencester, 41 (note). 
 
 Cleymes, 47. 
 
 Colevile, Sir John, 5. 
 
 Combination of the Windsor Inn- 
 keepers : see Innkeepers. 
 
 Coomb, John, 90, 91. 
 
 Cotswold, 5, 6, 87, 88. 
 
 Covent Garden Theatre, Manager 
 of, xxiv. 
 
 Dagon, 35. 
 
 Dalila : see Delilah. 
 
 Dapple, xxviii. 
 
 Datchet, 38, 41 (note), 42, 47, 66, 
 
 Davy, 67 : letters from, to Justice 
 Shallow, 24-26, 86-89, 88-91 : 
 letters to, from Justice Shal- 
 low, 21-23, 90-92. 
 
 I0 9
 
 Delilah, 63. 
 
 Deposition taken before Master 
 Robert Shallow and Master 
 Slender at Windsor, 36-41. 
 
 Deys, 27. 
 
 Dian' (Diana), 57, 84. 
 
 Dol : see Tearsheet. 
 
 Dombledon, Mr., 35- 
 
 Dombledons, 84. 
 
 Dorcas, 37, 38. 
 
 Dorothy : see Tearsheet. 
 
 Douglas (Earl of), 5. 
 
 Dumb, Mr., the Minister, 53, 
 
 Eastcheap, 8, 16, 20, 30, 53, ji, 74, 
 80, 85 : Boar Tavern in, see 
 Boar Tavern. 
 
 Esculapius : see Aesculapius. 
 
 Evans, Sir Hugh (the Welch 
 Priest), 50, 56, 58: letters from, 
 to Ann Page, 62-64 : to Sir 
 John Falstaff, 75-78. 
 
 Falstaff, Sir John, ix, xi, xiv, xv, 
 21, 63, 67, 82, 83 : excommuni- 
 cation of, 14-15 : disguised as 
 Maid's Aunt of Brentford, 46 
 (note) : death of, 96-98. 
 Letters from, to Prince Henry, 
 3-4, 5-9, 10-12, 18-20, 96 
 (fragment) : to Pistol, 20-30, 
 32-34, 68-70 : to Mrs. Ford, 
 45-46 : to Mistress Ursula, 56- 
 57 : to Corporal Bardolph, 71- 
 74, 79-82 : to Brook, 45-46, 
 47-48. 
 
 Letters to, from Prince Henry, 
 16-17 : from Pistol, 27-28, 35- 
 41, 83-85 : from Corporal Nym, 
 31, 42 : from Mrs. Ford, 43-44 : 
 from Mrs. Quickly, 51-53, 54- 
 55 : from Sir Hugh Evans, 75- 
 78 : combined, from the Wind- 
 sor Innkeepers, 66-67. 
 
 Fates, the three, 28. 
 
 Feeble, 4 (note). 
 
 Fellow : see Goatherd. 
 
 Fenton, Mr., 59, 65, 88. 
 
 'Fentum': see Fenton. 
 
 Finsmen, 5. 
 
 Fleet-ditch, 4. 
 
 Fletcher, John, 35 (note}. 
 
 Fluellin, Captain, letter from, to 
 Mrs. Quickly, 97-99. 
 
 Ford, Master, 42, 48, 74, 76, 84, 
 85- 
 
 Ford, Mistress Alice, 39 (note), 
 48, 49, 75 : letters from, to Sir 
 John Falstaff, 43-44 : letter to, 
 from Sir John Falstaff, 45-46. 
 
 Francis, 71. 
 
 French King (Charles VI), 77. 
 
 Friar (Tuck), xxvi. 
 
 Galen, 76. 
 
 Galilean, Sir, 67. 
 
 Garter (Inn), host of, 78. 
 
 Gaul and Roman : see Roman. 
 
 Gaza, gates of, 20. 
 
 Glendower, Owen, the Welchman, 
 
 19, 41, 77, 88. 
 Gloucestershire, 31, 36 : Shallow's 
 
 seat in, 29, 60. 
 Goatherd, 36 : deposition by : see 
 
 Deposition . 
 Golden Fleece, 83. 
 Gower, Captain, 97. 
 Greenland, 46. 
 Gybelings (Ghibellines), 6. 
 Gynes, xxviii. 
 
 Haman, Gallows of, 17. 
 Harcles : see Hercules. 
 Helen, 82. 
 Hell, 84. 
 
 Henry (King), the Fourth, xii, 21, 
 22, 23, 29, 30, 39, 40, 54, 56, 
 
 57. 69. 75. 77. 97. 9 s - 
 Henry, Prince of Wales, xxv, 5, 
 29, 3-?, 71 : letters from, to Sir 
 John' Falstaff, 16-17 : letters 
 to, from Sir John Falstaff, 3- 
 4, 5-9, io-i2, 18-20, 06 (frag- 
 ment) : from the Bishop of 
 Worcester, 13-15. 
 
 no
 
 Hercules, 66. 
 
 Herne's Oak, 44, 45, 46, 48, 50, 66. 
 
 Herne the Hunter, 66. 
 
 Herodian worms, 27. 
 
 Hesperus, 27. 
 
 High Priest, Judas and, 7. 
 
 Hinchley market, 92. 
 
 Hollingshed, 41 (note). 
 
 Hotspur : see Percy. 
 
 'Ickly, Mistress : see Quickly. 
 
 Imps of Parnasse : see Muses. 
 
 Ind, Apes of, 27. 
 
 'Indsor Forest : see Windsor 
 Forest. 
 
 Innkeepers, Windsor (Bully Rock, 
 Robin Muns, Peter Pimple, 
 Arthur Swipes), 67 : combined 
 letter from, to Sir John Fal- 
 staff, 66-67. 
 
 Iscariot : see Judas. 
 
 Iscariot, the Eastcheap, 71. 
 
 Jason, 83. 
 erome, 37. 
 ob, xxvii. 
 ohnson's edition of Shakespeare : 
 see Shakespeare. 
 
 !onas, 12. 
 onson, Ben, 35 (note). 
 udas Iscariot, 7, 15, 71. 
 udea, 1 6. 
 ustice, Lord Chief, of the King's 
 Bench, 20. 
 
 Keech, Mistress, 46. 
 
 King Henry the Fourth: see 
 
 Henry (King). 
 
 King of France : see French King. 
 King of Wales : see Llewellyn. 
 
 Lancaster, House of, 17 (note}. 
 
 Lazar, 27, 83. 
 
 Lazarus, xxviii. 
 
 Lethe, 27. 
 
 Little Johns, 23. 
 
 Llewellyn, King of Wales, 75. 
 
 Lucifer, 27, 84. 
 
 Maecenas, 61. 
 
 Maid Marian, 84. 
 
 Malone, Mr., 35 (note). 
 
 Manna, Si. 
 
 Maple-eye, Mark, 89, 90. 
 
 Marlow, 41 (note). 
 
 Marian : see Maid Marian. 
 
 Mars, 8. 
 
 Martin, 37. 
 
 Martlet, Master, 52. 
 
 Mecaenas : see Maecenas. 
 
 Middleton, Thomas, 32 (note). 
 
 Monmouth, Harry : see Henry, 
 
 Prince of Wales. 
 Monmouthshire, 41 (note). 
 Moses, 81 : Moses and the Mount, 
 
 Mouldy, 4 (note). 
 
 Muns, Robin : see Innkeepers. 
 
 Muses, the, 65. 
 
 Nel, 37, 38. 
 
 Newgate, 5. 
 
 Nich, 37. 
 
 Nimrod, 45. 
 
 Niobe, 84. 
 
 Nym, Corporal, 28, 30, 31, 32, 33, 
 74, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84: letters 
 from, to Sir John Falstaff, 
 31, 42. 
 
 Oak, the : see Herne's Oak. 
 CEson : see .<Eson. 
 Ottoman, 29. 
 Oxford, 38 (note). 
 
 Page, Ann, 37, 65, 86, 87, go(note\ 
 94 : letters to, from Master 
 Abram Slender, 58-61 : from 
 Sir Hugh Evans, 62-64. 
 
 Paget, Mistress, 50. 
 
 Pandora, box of, 47. 
 
 Panza, see Sancho. 
 
 Parnasse, Imps of: see Muses. 
 
 Partlet, Mistress, 32.
 
 Paul's (St.), 71. 
 
 Pelt, the tanner, 21, 26, 69, 70. 
 
 Percy, Henry, Earl of North- 
 umberland, surnamed Hot- 
 spur, 5, 6, 17, 18, 20, 88. 
 
 Perkes, Clement, 24, 25. 
 
 Perkins, Jacob, 61. 
 
 Phoebus, 65 
 
 Phoenix, 33, 84. 
 
 Pilgrimage to Rome, 17. 
 
 Pimple, Peter : see Innkeepers. 
 
 Pistol, 14 (note), 17, 32, 52, 65, 74, 
 79, 82, 83 : letters from, to 
 Sir John Falstaff, 27-28, 35, 
 42, 83-85 : to Abram Slender, 
 65 : letters to, from Sir John 
 Falstaff, 29^-30, 32-34, 68-70. 
 
 Plenesperm, Alice, 52. 
 
 Pluck, Robin, 7, 86. 
 
 Pluto, 12, 08. 
 
 Poins, Ned, 16, 17, 19. 
 
 Pollux : see Castor and Pollux. 
 
 Polycarp, xxviiu 
 
 Pomegranate Room : see Boar 
 Tavern. 
 
 Pratt, Mistress (Maid's Aunt, also 
 Wise Woman, of Brentford), 
 46 (note), 47, 66, 93. 
 
 Privy council, 41. 
 
 Suickly, Master, xxv, xxvi. 
 uickly. Mistress (Landlady of 
 the Boar Tavern, Eastcheap), 
 xxii, 8, 20, 68, 71 : letters 
 from, to Sir John Falstaff, 51- 
 53, 5^-55 : letters to, from 
 Captain Fluellin, 97-99. 
 Quickly, Mistress (not of East- 
 cheap), 59. 
 
 Radnor, 41 (note). 
 Rahab, Master, 53. 
 Rampant, Ra'ph, 89. 
 Rehoboam, 56. 
 
 Rhadamanth' (Radamanthus), 35. 
 Robin : see Pluck. 
 Rock, Bully, 83 ; see also Inn- 
 keepers. 
 
 112 
 
 Roman (Papirius, the) and the 
 
 Gaul, 16. 
 
 Rowen 1 (Rowena), 27, 28, 35, 65. 
 Rowley, William, 35 (note). 
 Ruth, 37. 
 Ryecrop, Hugh, 92. 
 
 Sampson, 66, 69. 
 
 Sancho Panza, xxviii. 
 
 Satan, 16. 
 
 Scot and lot, 37. 
 
 Scroop, or Scrope, Richard : see 
 York, Archbishop of. 
 
 Scylla, 42. 
 
 Shadow, 4 (note). 
 
 Shakespeare, xxiv. 
 Johnson's edition of, 61 (note). 
 References to Plays of, Henry 
 IV (Part I), 24 (note), 61 
 (note). Henry IV (Part II), 
 83 (note). Merry Wives of 
 Windsor, 42, 46, 71, 86, 90, 
 94 (notes). 
 
 Shallow, Justice Robert, 3, 4, 6, 
 7, 8, it, 17, 20, 21, 60, 62 : 
 deposition taken before, at 
 Windsor, 36-41 : letters from, 
 to Davy, 21-23, 90-92 ; letters 
 to, from Davy : 24-26, 86-89, 
 00-92. 
 
 Shallowe, Mistress, mother of 
 Slender, 60. 
 
 Sheba, Queen of, 45. 
 
 Sherwood forest, xxvL 
 
 Shortcake, Alice, 89, 95. 
 
 Shrewsbury, 13 : battle of, 10 : 
 clock of, 16. 
 
 Silence, Justice, 6, n, 22, 86, 90. 
 
 Simple, Peter, servant to Slender, 
 61, 93. 
 
 Slender, Justice Abram, 42, 61, 62, 
 64, 65 (note), 77, 86, 87, 88, 
 89, 90, 91 : deposition taken 
 before, at Windsor, 36-41 : 
 letters from, to Ann Page, 58- 
 
 61 : letters to, from Pistol, 61- 
 
 62 : death of, 93-95. 
 Slender, Sir Simon, 64, 95.
 
 Sneke, Gil, the Weaver, 37. 
 
 Snugges, Phil, 89. 
 
 Stephen (St.). 45- 
 
 Stroud, 88, 93. 
 
 Swipes, Arthur : see Innkeepers. 
 
 Tacitus (play upon), 86 (note). 
 Tapster, the : see Bardolph. 
 Tearsheet, Dorothy, 51, 53, 54, 55, 
 
 82. 
 
 Thacker, 37. 
 
 Thebes, she of : see Niobe. 
 Thomas, the Apostle 73. 
 Thomas, Sir, 8b. 
 "Tolemy, Mr., 53. 
 
 Ulysses, 28, 98. 
 Ursula, Mistress, 5, 54. 
 
 Venus, 8. 
 
 Visor, William, 21, 25, ?9 91. 
 
 Vulcan, 85. 
 
 Wales, King of: see Llewellyn. 
 
 Wallingford, 41 (note). 
 
 Wart, 4 (note). 
 
 Welchman : see Glendower. 
 
 Welch Priest : see Evans. 
 
 William : see Visor. 
 
 Windsor, 30, 53, 56, 62, 66, 67, 69, 
 93: Forest of, 74, 75, 90 
 (note) : Innkeepers of: see 
 Innkeepers: Quarry of, 66. 
 
 Worcester, Bishop of, 15, 33 : 
 letter from, to Prince Henry 
 of Wales, 13-15. 
 
 York, Archbishop of (Richard 
 Scroop), 4 : battle of, 8. 
 
 Zeno, xxvii. 
 Zopyrus, 73. 
 
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