ta
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 I
 
 T K 
 
 NTRICITIES 
 
 t r 
 
 JOHN EDWfN, 
 
 In Two Volumes, 
 
 JPJJCE EIGHT SHItL{NG<
 
 ECCENTRICITIES 
 
 O F 
 
 JOHN ZDtVIN, 
 
 COMEDIAN". 
 COLLECTED FROM HIS MANUSCRIPTS, 
 
 AN ENRICHED WITH 
 
 SEVERAL HUNDRED ORIGINAL ANECDOTES, 
 
 ANTHONY PABQUIN, Esq. 
 
 lieu ! qujrn difficile eft glorite ctifttdia. 
 ( < WE NK'ZR SHALL LOOK UPON HIS LIKE AGAIN. 
 
 & B D O J3, 
 
 FOR J. STRAHAN, NO 67, NEAR THE'
 
 The prefs has groaned of late with thepro* 
 duttions of Jo many Blockheads, who have 
 Written their own memoirs, or thofe of other 
 ferjons, that I foould have dijdained the at- 
 tempt, bad not Mr. EDWIN, a few days 
 previous to his dilution, requeued, that his 
 papers Jhould be unconditionally given to me 3 
 to uje as my difcretion might direft* 
 
 In the prvfecutiott of this work, I have la- 
 toured to make the interefts of wit and na- 
 tional humor, accord with delicacy The 
 fmgular complexion of the matter, I hope t will 
 prove a flrong recommendation, ejpecially as 
 it contains a greater number of original anec- 
 dotes, than any other publication extant$ 
 fitid authentic anecdotes are the left ilhiftratiov 
 cf human nature. 
 
 "To thoje Ladies and Gentlemen who 
 contributed Jo amply to the embellijhment of 
 t&is undertaking, I return my general 

 
 T O 
 
 The EARL of BARRVMORE. 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 I HAVE prefumed to dedicate thefe 
 x r olumes to year Lordmip, from a 
 conviction, that your name will re- 
 flect honor upon my efforts, and in 
 the hope, that they may feebly con- 
 tribute to your felicity My inten- 
 tion, my Lord, was to make fociety 
 merrier and better As the language 
 of flattery was never lefs txercifed 
 by any individual than myfelf, I truft 
 your Lordmip will not think me 
 unjustifiably arrogant, when I afTure 
 you, that I mould not have folicited 
 this distinction, had ycu not been 
 ennobled by Heaven, in the pofleffion 
 of a good heartland an excellent under- 
 {landing. 
 
 I have the honor to be, my Lord, 
 
 With all due refpeft, 
 Your obliged friend and obedient fervant, 
 
 ANTHONY PASQUIK, 
 
 Jvner Tfmflf, 
 
 fet. 20, 1791.
 
 N. B. 
 
 3S t&frfe ttDlumes arc enterefc at 
 Stationers Jpall, tu&oetter pirates 
 tjje matter, or copies tlje anccnotej?, 
 tmt?)out fignifging at tfjt fame time 
 r&e publication from tu&ence 
 are taken, toiil tie prpfecuteD,
 
 THE 
 
 ECCENTRICITIES 
 
 o 
 
 JOHN EDWIN. 
 
 \V HEN men become confpicuous in 
 fociety, the World are interested in their 
 minuted concerns : to this motive may be 
 afcribed the labours of a PLUTARCH, and 
 the rewards of a ROBINSON. We are ear- 
 neftly felicitous about the actions of thofe 
 whom we have been taught to admire for 
 the heroifm of their deeds, or the force of 
 their particular merits, andperufe an account 
 of their progrefs through life with as much 
 fatisfaction as we feel in beholding our per- 
 Ibns in a mirror, fondly contemplate on the 
 fimplicity of our purfuits, and the confe- 
 quent pains and pleafures, though the pages 
 VOL. I. B of
 
 'of the Biographer feldom operate to the aj- 
 vantage of the individual he delineates, inaf- 
 much as we become too intimately acquaint- 
 ed with their weakrieflefs., and cannot he- 
 hold them with the fame degree of fublime 
 eftimation, as when we view their character 
 in perfpective. The PRINCE of CONDE, who 
 knew human nature well, lias wifely re- 
 marked, " that no man is a Hero in the 
 eyes of his Valet-de-chambre." 
 
 I have no doubt but the following Me- 
 moirs will be read with much avidity by the 
 public, not from any attractive beauty in 
 the compofition, but becaufe they relate to an 
 extraordinary man, who has rendered him- 
 felf by his inimitable comic exertions, the 
 High Prieft of mirth and the delight of a 
 difcerning metropolis. 
 
 Had Mr. JOHN EDWIN been as obftinately 
 adhefive to the points of Anceftry as our 
 Caledonian neighbours, he might poffibly 
 have been able to have derived his origin 
 from the illuftrious EDWIN, King of Nor- 
 thumberland, who loft his life in Battle in 
 the year 633 ; but he was abfolutely pofitivc 
 4 that
 
 C 3 ) 
 
 that he was a member of the fame farhlly 
 as Sir HUMPHRY EDWIN, Knt. who was 
 Lord Mayor of London in the year 1.698 ; 
 he reluctantly inclined to re fign his title of, 
 affinity to the Monarch, but no human 
 confideration could induce him to give up 
 the Magiftrate. 
 
 His Father, JOHN EDWIN, was a watch- 
 maker*, who with a liberality fuperior to his 
 circumftances, gave his fon an education 
 that has fince rendered him eflential fervice 
 in life, particularly his inftructions in the 
 fcience of mufic, which with an happy in- 
 vention and droll manner of delivery, 
 made him indubitably the firft comic finger 
 in the univerle. 
 
 Mils mother, HAN JAM EDWIN, was the daughter of 
 Iltmy Hrogden, a ftatuaiy, at York ; a boy and two girls 
 v.vre the iflue of this marriage : JOHN was the firft born, 
 MARY the fecond, and ELIZABETH the third. The lat-. 
 ter, now Mrs. WILLIAMS, is amoft confpicuous character 
 in the metropolis, remarkable for her knowledge of aflro- 
 }o.:y and future events, and is daily confulted at her houfe 
 in Store ftreet, Tottcnham-court-road, by ladies of the firft 
 di'thction, 
 
 v ' B 2 Mr.
 
 ( 4 ) 
 
 Mr. EDWIN was born in Clare-llreet, 
 Saint Clements Danes, London, on the loth 
 of Auguft, 1 749 j the ill Hate of his health 
 from his birth, until he was nine years of age, 
 induced his father to fend him to a farm- 
 houfe in a healthy fituation in the vicinity of 
 Enfield, where he had not been long before 
 he gave a fample of his acting in a private 
 performance, with fome young gentlemen 
 in that neighbourhood ; fuch amusements 
 then were not embellifhed and attended as 
 they are now ; and inftead of a regular The- 
 atre, young EDWIN and his aflbciates re- 
 ceived their audience in a Stable, where, 
 
 " They clcav'd the general car with horrid fpeecft." 
 
 And aftoniflied the auricular and ocfilar 
 faculties of fome country Ladies and Gen- 
 tlemen, with their domeftics, by moft WON- 
 DERFUL exertions in mad LEE'S inflated 
 tragedy of ALEXANDER the GREAT ; the 
 Hero of which was the leading fubject of 
 thefe anecdotes, and EDWIN ranted away 
 in a roman fhape, like many of our modern 
 
 Traced ians >
 
 < 5 ) 
 
 Tragedians, without any leading requifite for 
 the character, and totally unaided by any 
 impulie but his puerile prefumption. 
 
 After this debut Mr. EDWIN remained at 
 .fchool 'till he was fifteen, at which period we 
 find him in the Penfion-Office of the Ex- 
 chequer, but that employment requiring 
 his attendance only two hours in the day, it 
 afforded him an opportunity of turning his 
 thoughts to his favourite amufement, the 
 ftage, and he foon got imformation of a 
 fpouting club at the French Horn in Wood 
 Street, Cheapfide, where 
 
 *< Prentic'd boysalarm'd the gaping Street, 
 ' And did fuch deeds of dreadful note." 
 
 To this mirthful convocation of ambitious 
 youth, EDWIN ran with all the precipitation 
 of young defire, and it was there that the 
 fmgular humour of the prefent eftimable 
 Mr. WILLIAM WOODFALL, in OLD Mafk 
 in the MUSICAL LADY, firft fuggefted to 
 EDWIN'S mind a ferious idea ofafluming 
 the character of a Comedian. The follovv- 
 B 3 in
 
 '( 6 ) 
 
 ing fummer he fludied the Tankard fcene 
 of Scrub The part of Simon in the firft aft 
 of the Apprentice, and the firft fcene of Poly - 
 dcre in the Orphan, which, with the fong of 
 " I follow'd a Lafs that was froward and 
 fhy,"--- and thofe of Sir Harry Sycamore 
 in The Maid of the Mill, he concluded 
 might carry him very decently through 
 the following winter, at the begining of 
 which 3 new fpouting feminary was infti- 
 tuted at the Falcon in Fetter Lane. There 
 EDWIN made his firft eflay as an apolo- 
 gy for a man pafled the ordeal of juvenile 
 criticifm, was warmly approv'd, and foon 
 after chofe one of the fix Managers, in con- 
 cert with Mr. WALDRON of old Drury, and 
 the late Mr. WEBB of Covent Garden Thea- 
 tre, Mr. PUDNEY a young attorney, Mr. 
 WOOD a young tailor, Mr. KNIGHT, lately 
 employed at the Royalty Theatre, and Mr. 
 MOORE, fome time' fince a fchool-mafter in 
 Bath Mr. EDWIN was always a great ad- 
 mirer of the profefiional merits of the late 
 NED SHUTER, who entertained a great opi- 
 nion of the promifing abilities of our afpi- 
 ring hero, and at feveral convivial parties 
 
 at
 
 C 7 )' 
 
 at BOB DERRY'S, of meritricious memory 
 uied fi equently to fay, " My Boy, you will be 
 an excellent aclor when I am laid low. " 
 EUWJN'S imitation of that charming actor's 
 longs, and his performance at the Club of 
 fume of his parts, foon attracted the notice 
 of the late Mr. LEE of Drury Lane Theatre, 
 who feeing him enact LAUNCELOT in the 
 MERCHANT of VENICE, which was regu- 
 larly performed in the Club-room on a pri- 
 vate night, engaged him for the enfuing 
 fummer at Manchefter, as a low comedian, 
 at a fettled falary of one guinea a week, and 
 the profits of half a benefit. At this new 
 fpouting club, nominated, the Theatre 
 Royal in Fetter Lane, the ufual mode was to 
 have a man with a ftaff at the door of the 
 room, which was meant as a meafure to 
 give an air of refpectability to the diver- 
 fions of the evening ; the price of admittance 
 was one {hilling, entitling the vifitor to por- 
 ter and tobacco 'till eleven o'clock ; the Ma- 
 nagers not forgetting to referve about twelve 
 or fifteen fhillings each night to carry clown 
 fhirsatthe conclufion of the club, to enable 
 them the more effectually to parry the 
 B 4 aflault
 
 ( 8 ) 
 
 aflaults of Care and the influence of Mor- 
 pheus, by the powerful afli (lance of good 
 punch and mulled wine. 
 
 They met every Friday night, and the Ma- 
 nagers fat alternately two at each time as 
 Prefidents, Moderators and Directors of the 
 dramatic entertainments. They were pofief- 
 fecl of a decent wardrobe, with all the necef- 
 fary appurtenances of Wigs, Truncheons, 
 Swords, Chains, Malks, Thunder, Light- 
 ning, et cetera, in a garret, which ferved as a 
 drefiing-room for the Dramatis Perfon^e. 
 
 ec The conceit of thefe Heroes is truly 
 laughableY' faid EDWIN to WALDRON, who 
 were both in the chair-" in the name of 
 the Mufes, what are we to have to-night B" 
 WALDRON, with a fignificant nod told 
 KDWIN, that two young fellows from the 
 Spouting Cip.b at Norton Falgate, who were 
 irnoaking in the right-hand corner of the 
 room, wiflied to do fomething in the begin- 
 ning of the evening; upon which ED\V;N, 
 with much grandeur of deportment, de- 
 manded of WALDRON if there had been any 
 ih of their ability, and a rrrtainly, that 
 
 thr
 
 ( 9 ) 
 
 the dignity of the fociety might not be dif- 
 graced by their efforts j but though WAL- 
 DRON was unable to fatisfy his colleague on 
 that head, as the eftablifhed members of the 
 Society feemed tardy in their operations, the 
 ftage-ftruck Heroes from Norton Falgate 
 were permitted to dalh away ; but their recital 
 of the firftfcene of the FAIR PENITENT, evin- 
 ced the infufficiency of two novitiates, not 
 praftifed in a regular fpouting club, and Mr. 
 ALTAMONT'S unhappy pronunciation of the 
 firfl fpeech ruined him for ever as an a<5tor 
 in the opinion of the critics in Fetter Lane. 
 With much folemnity of mien, and a tore 
 of utterance not unaptly compared to the 
 roaring of a Bull, he began the following 
 imperative declaration : 
 
 " Let this aufpicious day be ever facred, 
 
 " No mournings, no misfortunes c.frbtn on it, 
 
 '* Let it be mark'd for triumphs and rejoicings. 
 
 *' Let appy lovers hever make it ol\- y 
 
 " Chufc it toblefs their opes and cro\vn their \vifi.0'. ; 
 
 *' This apiy day that gives me my KaUfa." , 
 
 The gentle ALTAMOXT had iVarrely finifli- 
 cd when the laugh became loud and genera!, 
 
 excepting
 
 C -.o )' 
 
 excepting two or. three friends to the young . 
 Tyro, \vho, by clenching their fills and 
 frowning indignant, Teemed difpufed to con- 
 tell the prevailing opinion of the audience. 
 EDWIN, in order to reftore the harmony of 
 the evening, hinted to thofe about him, that 
 he would prepare for SCRUB, for, continued 
 he, with a wonderful deal of conceit and 
 manv fly nods, " there mull be fomething 
 clone." He therefore gave a wink to Mr. 
 KNIGHT, the Archer of the Club, to be 
 ready for that part- tript up to the garret, 
 turned the hind part of a bob-wig before, 
 put on a red waiftcoat and fleeves, and with 
 a little role pink on his cheeks, his eye-brows 
 blackened with a burnt cork, and a tankard 
 in his hand, he defcended the flairs, met 
 Arcker at the door of the Club-room, which 
 they entered in the ufual mode of that fcene, 
 r mging amidft the acclamations, vociferati- 
 ons, promulgations and expectations of the 
 fmokey ailembly, who were much delighted 
 by the perfonifications of thole actionizing 
 competitors for the Dramatic laurel Twice 
 in a winter this motley afibciation reprefent- 
 
 edL
 
 ( II } 
 
 ed whole Plays, and at one of thofe per- 
 formances, which was intended to operate 
 as a Metropolitan WONDER in effect as well 
 as name, EDWIN was afked if he could not 
 find a Lady who would undertake the part 
 of Ixis : the reply was- courteous, " he 
 would endeavour ;" and with much inquiry 
 and great difficulty he found a young lennp- 
 flreis who undertook the character, and in 
 confequence rehearfed it feveral times. At 
 the conclufion of fuch practices, EDWIN* 
 always made it a point of duty to accom- 
 pany her to her mother's home, and having 
 been educated in the fchools of focial gallan- 
 try, he never failed in the demand of a chafte 
 falute, to reward him for his enviable atten- 
 tions to the ambitious daughter of Thalia. 
 
 The night allotted for the exhibition ar- 
 rived, and Mrs. INIS, who had always re- 
 hearfed in a long cardinal, was now feen in a 
 jacket and petticoat in the full difplay of her 
 divine perfon, and all the ladies and gentle- 
 men interefced in the comedy ftruttcd about: 
 the club- room behind the curtain in their 
 
 bell
 
 bill bibs and tuckers. The part afligned to 
 EDWIN was FREDERIC - } ofcourfe he had but. 
 little to do in the piece, and to his extreme 
 mortification no fcene with INIS; but the 
 regret was of Ihort duration, as he received 
 the difagrceable information that the lady 
 whom he had introduced was found very 
 defe&iye in perfonal grace, for as fhe was in 
 the heat of action with LISSARDO, and 
 forgetting her corporal infirmities, Hie 
 raifed her right arm, which was ftiff and 
 immovable in the elbow-joint, and {truck 
 the facetious valet fuch a tremendous blow 
 on his fide as made the comical comedian 
 reel under the impreflion of delicacy the 
 audience burft into a fit of laughter at the 
 oddity of the action, and poor EDWIN was 
 publickly rallied for his ignorance of female 
 proportions, and the introduction of a lady 
 Jo extremely defective and inappropriate to 
 the character During this xra of gallantry, 
 {pouting, and adolefcence, EDWIN was made 
 frcretary to i\ truft of a ?/lr. John EDWIN of 
 George Street, Hanover Square, a diftant 
 relation, who died, leaving near 50,000!. to 
 
 be
 
 ( 13 ) 
 
 be diftributed in public charities, and had 
 appointed twelve truftees to fuperintend the 
 bufinefs~the principal of which, a MI-.WAY, 
 was alfo one of his executors, and fub-go- 
 vernor of the South-Sea Houfe. 
 
 That gentleman, fully fenfible of the folly of 
 his deceafed friend, in leaving a kinfmandefti- 
 tute his donations to be expended in charities 
 and given to objects totally unknown to him, 
 from an impulfe of juftice made EDWIN 
 fecretary. The committee met twice every 
 winter, and to this poft was annexed an an- 
 nual falary of thirty pounds with douceurs 
 from the fund, and other contingent advan- 
 tages. The truftees, who were all old men,, 
 foon departed in peace to deep \vith their 
 fathers, and their fons were deputed in their 
 room; but this change of government v,-as 
 not for the advantage of the property ; the 
 principal was loon fwailowed up by the dif- 
 Jipaticn of the new guardians. 
 
 When EDWIN Id tins fccrctnrvfhip, -which 
 
 he held only one yea;-, he pofibfial five 
 
 5 hufiuicd
 
 ( H ) 
 
 hundred pounds in fpecie, for which fum he 
 was indebted to the kindneis of Mr. WAY, 
 and meant as a fecurity for his going into the 
 South-Sea Houfe in the capacity of ac- 
 comptanc, the gentleman who then held 
 that office, Mr. MONTAGUE, being very old 
 and infirm. 
 
 A ftrong propenfity for dramatic purfuits, 
 howeverjOvercame every other confederation, 
 and prompted EDWIN to make an early at- 
 tempt, and climb the ftupendous hill of 
 public fame he took, as it is termed, 
 French leave of his relations, and went off 
 a la four dine* But previous to his departure,, 
 in order to aflifl his father, whofe circum- 
 fiances were rather embarrafled, and to 
 operate as a palliation for commencing actoij 
 
 '~ Emv IN 's father, when the comedian was only fifteen 
 years of age, offered to give 50!. toward:-, creating an or- 
 gan in Islington church, provided the parii'i would make 
 hi- i')ii organ ift ; however the offer was rejected r>y thcpa- 
 riih, under the idea that they could not aiVord to pay a fa- 
 lary. 
 
 and
 
 and disappointing the old gentleman's -future 
 hopes in the intended line of life marked our 
 for him, EDWIN drew the money from Mr. 
 WAvandmade the fool.aprefent tohis father, 
 together with iome other valuable properties, 
 and began the world almoft as deftitute of 
 drapery and focial accompaniments as the 
 firft fublunary parent of humanity. He 
 commenced an actor of old men at the the- 
 atre at Mancheiler, then under the manage- 
 ment of Mr. LEE, in the year 1765, and in 
 the fixteenth year of his age. J u s T i c L 
 WOODCOCK, and Sir HARRY SVCAMOR:, 
 were alfo reprefented in that town by our 
 juvenile adventurer, who foon found, from 
 the generous plaudits of the audience, he- 
 had no eflential reafon to regret that he had 
 left a dull tkough certain livelihood in fearch 
 of the adventitious rewards of erratic genius. 
 Previous to his leaving London he played 
 the part of QUIDNUNC in the UPHOL- 
 STERER at the Haymarket Theatre in ih;: 
 winter, for the benefit of a family in difbrels 
 and anew print o^the day (the Public 
 .gcr) regiitered this attempt in the mod flat- 
 ter ing phrafes of approbation. A youth 01* 
 

 
 iixteen playing old men, was then confidered 
 as a fort of phenomenon in the Dramatic 
 Hemifphere, but the affumption was fortu- 
 nate, for EDWIN, it is probable, then laid 
 the corner (lone of his high and enviable 
 reputation ; the example and fuccefs of 
 SHUTER had roufed his feelings, and OLD 
 MEN continued his choice for feveral years, 
 though it has fince been difcovered that 
 characters of a younger feature were 
 more fuited to his ability. 
 
 It is fcmewhat extraordinary that a man 
 fliould play old men in his youth, and young 
 ones when more advanced in life ; but not- 
 withftanding EDWIN has been- a tenant of 
 this vile planet exactly forty two years, his 
 perlbnal appearance was youthful, and his 
 powers and vivacity as Itrong as ever. 
 
 -.vr N lef: London to commence his the- 
 a:ric probation, accompanied by Mr. WAL- 
 - , and a Mifs. WESTRY, who were like- 
 wife engaged by Mr. LEE j their finances 
 bf ing low, their mode oftravelling was a mat- 
 ter of ferious debate between this timely 
 
 league
 
 ( '7 ) 
 
 league of the fexes, but Mr. 
 who has much adroitnefs on fuch prefling 
 occafions, found a return Poft Chaife going 
 ail the way to Manchefter, which for a tri- 
 fling confidcration conveyed them to the 
 place of action, tho* the journey was notun- 
 clogged with difficulties. They were over- 
 turned the firfl day -on the fecond, as this 
 triumvirate \vere fitting at dinner, the chairs 
 on a fudden, like an electrical fhock, or a 
 Pantomime trick, were unhinged from the 
 braces ; and as if Harlequin had given a flap 
 with his wooden fword to effect his wonder- 
 ful magic, the bottoms of thefe actorlings 
 faluted the floor. The horfes were jaded on 
 the third, and feemed holding a converfation 
 at every acclivity whether they fhould mount, 
 infomuch that the inhabitants of the leathern 
 conveniency we; e doubtful that every hill 
 would put an end to their journey, for which 
 reafon EDWIN deflred the driver to put a cloth 
 over the horfes eyes every time they got in 
 and out the chaife, that the quadrupeds might 
 not fee there were three people to draw , ima- 
 gining that the animals might give a nega- 
 VOL I. C tive
 
 tive to their motion, and difpute the pro- 
 priety of the number, as perfons do in a ftage 
 coach, and tell both them and the driver 
 that they have no right to draw more than 
 two : however, by the expediency of EDWIN'S 
 remark, the cloth was continually placed 
 over the eys of the Rofmantes, and when 
 the driver gave a fmack of his whip, the 
 horfes cried WE or our, which the motley 
 group underftood as exclamations in bad 
 French, fignifying, that they would perform 
 as well as they could. 
 
 Soon after their arrival at Manchefter 
 Mrs. BADDELEY, who had then only perfor- 
 med a few nights at Drury Lane T heatre> 
 became a member of their itinerant body ; 
 her hufhand was engaged at Liverpool, and 
 the diftance being not quite forty miles, he 
 contrived to pay her a vifit once a week : 
 during his abfence, that beautiful Phryne of 
 the Stage, gallanted freely with the roving 
 blades of the Town and her comic bre- 
 thren: and it was then remarked that a 
 more amorous fet of Theatrical females 
 never delighted the youth of Manchefter. 
 
 Mrs.
 
 ( >9 ) 
 
 Mrs. BADDELEY vifited Mifs WESTRY, 
 and EDWIN, who lived in the fame houfe, 
 being then as young on the ftage as the la- 
 dies, there were frequently private rehear- 
 fals of fainting, embracing and dying, which 
 to perform well makes up no inconfiderable 
 part of theatric excellence ; and fo per fon ally 
 charming were both the females, that every 
 Man in Manchefter from feventeen to feven- 
 ty would have been moft happy to have en- 
 joyed fuch blifsful opportunitiesThe whim- 
 ficality however of the ladies, and their ap- 
 plication to ftrong waters made them fome- 
 times appear rather fingular in deportment, 
 and a fainting fit in the middle of a part was 
 as frequent with moft of the actrelTes of that 
 Company, as the nights of playing. 
 
 In the houfe where KDWIN lodged and 
 boarded were alfo Mr. GRIFFITH, Mr. 
 KEASBERRY, Mr. WALDRON, Mrs. BROOKS, 
 and Mifs WESTRY, all of them adherents to 
 the Drama An Officer on half pay, pro- 
 verbial for his oddities, and who valued 
 himfelf on his gentility, obferving a pleafant 
 prt of intimacy fubfifting between feme of 
 C 2 the
 
 the mafculinc and feminine children of Pro- 
 teus, earneftly requefted to make one of the 
 party, and \vas in confeqnence frequently 
 very peremptory and troublefome; faid he 
 muft be introduced to the ladies, and that 
 quickly j fpoke of delays in love and war 
 being equally dangerous animadverted on 
 his fuperior fkuation--the lawfulnefs of an at- 
 tack on any Female lie chofe to take up arms 
 againft, and the powerful charms of a red 
 coat defcanted loudly on the honour of a 
 foldier, and the g!orious deeds of heroes 
 from Hector down to William the Conquer-? 
 er fpoke particularly of the defender of 
 Proteftantifm, and efieemed himfclf for pof- 
 fefling the fame name. But Mr. GRIFFITH, 
 yclept RICHARD by his godfathers and god- 
 motheij$ r who had often performed the third 
 Britilh King of that denomination, thought 
 he had even greater pretenfions, having per- 
 fonated the royal Reformer with fuccels, and 
 beingof a good family, a man of fpirit, and 
 quite, as we call ir. a Gentleman Actor, ima- 
 gined the balance of gentility in his favor, 
 and therefore difputed 'the pafs---CApT,\iv 
 was warm- KIXG RICHARD in 
 a ra^e,
 
 a rage, and the family in a buttle Mrs. BAD- 
 DELEY and Mils WESTRY were flying about 
 as Aid-de-Camps until the dreadful difpute 
 came to an iffue The Captain began the 
 attack, by an application of his right leg to 
 RICHARD'S perfonal feat of honour; but 
 the KING having with his left hand caught 
 the leg of WILLIAM in an horizontal pofition, 
 he had but one hand at liberty, and the Cap- 
 tain but one leg. Here the reader muft figure 
 to himfelf two perlbns fo fituated The def- 
 endant of iMars hopping upon one leg, and 
 making ufe of both his fills ; and drumming 
 away upon the body of the temporary mo- 
 narchThe Monarch hopping fometimes 
 upon one leg, that he might make a vigo- 
 rous application with the other, pumnutting 
 away with his right hand, and with the other 
 holding the Captain's pedal extremity 
 The women fcreaming dogs barking, the 
 men chearing each party, and all the houle 
 in confufion- A fail terminated the conceit ; 
 the Captain was worfted ; but fome brandy 
 and diaculum plaifter reftored the fpirits and 
 aileviared the bruifes of the combatants. 
 The Captain gave way to the KING, and 
 C their
 
 their little government was freed from the 
 martial approaches of anarchy The officer's 
 libations were more frequently offered up to 
 Bacchus than Mars or Venus, and his un- 
 reftricted feftivals with the former, rendered 
 him unfit for the proprieties of the latter ; 
 to fpeak plainly, he generally came home 
 tipfey. Being in that ftate one night, he tum- 
 bled into a dry ditch, and v/as obferved by a 
 perfon pafimg by lying on his belly, and in 
 the a<5t of ftriking out his arms and legs ; he 
 was immediately taken up, and being afked 
 if he was wounded, the ditch being deep and 
 dry; replied with much feeming piety, "no, 
 thank God, I am not hurt, but it was a great 
 blefling that I could fwim, for otherwife I 
 mufl certainly have loft my life." 
 
 I fhall now quit the epifode and return to 
 the immediate narration. Before the con- 
 clufion of the performances that fummer, 
 Mr. GRIFFITH, as agent to Mr, MOSSOP, en- 
 gagedEovviN at the enormous falary of thirty 
 ih tilings per week, to ena<ft at the theatre- 
 royal in Smock-alley Dublin under the hope 
 of fhaking off an ague, which he had acquir'd 
 
 by
 
 by going into the Duke of Bridgewater's im- 
 provements, and to take leave of his friends 
 before his departure from his native ifland, he 
 vifited London for a fhort time, and then let 
 out big with jocund expectation for the 
 mirthful regions of Hibernia. 
 
 Previous to his quitting the Britifli Metro- 
 polis, he was furnilhed with fome money 
 and a watch by his father j but waiting for 
 a wind at Parkgate, the delay eventually 
 reduced his cafh, and being obliged to hire 
 horfes for Holyhead, he was under the dif- 
 agreeable neceffity of leaving his time piece 
 behind as a necefTary fecurity for the fum re- 
 quifite on that occanon j but the difcomfi- 
 ture was not ruinous to his good fpirits, as he 
 fung in that inftant, <f Time flies fwift and 
 will away," and repeated emphatically the 
 hacknicd expreffion, that " time and tide 
 wait for no man." Impelled to the dramatic 
 conflict by hope's faired images, he was ea- 
 ger to be on board, and impatient to bring 
 himfelf to an anchor in Dublin; for, the truth 
 was, he knew himfelf difencumbered not 
 only of coin., but of every portable thing that 
 C 4 could
 
 could be pofilbly converted into that bate 
 Iburce of human commerce. Thus circum- 
 ftanced he crofied the bar of Dublin bay 
 with a fair breeze, was (leered luckily between 
 the two Bullsy touched the corner of Ritigs- 
 end, and entered the hofpitable gates of Eb- 
 lana, unblcfied wiih a Jpiendid ihilling. 
 
 Immediately on his arrival, EDWIN" 
 thought it neceffai y to make ibme enquiries 
 after Mr. CHRISTII , at that time Treafu- 
 rer and privy counfellor to Mr. MOSSOP, if 
 we may be allowed to apply the term treafu- 
 rer to an individual in the habits of guard- 
 ing ideal wealth ; but EDWIN foon difcovered 
 that the porTeffion of money was not abfo- 
 lutely neceffary for a man's well being in that 
 merry capital, as Mr. CHRISTIE procured 
 him a lodging in a two pair of flairs back 
 room in Cole's Alley, the refidence of phi- 
 lofophy time immemorial, where good 
 eating and dunking was attainable upon 
 credit. 
 
 A few days after the convivial ED\VIN T 
 was landed in the ifle of Saints, he was fcr- 
 
 mally
 
 ( *s ) 
 
 mally introduced to Mr. MOSSOP, the Ma- 
 nager, who teemed much aftonilhed to fee 
 fo young an adventurer, and exprelfed his 
 amazement that a youth of fixteen fhould 
 feel fo irrefiftable an inclination to receive 
 the wounds of criticifm, and perfonate the 
 characters of old men 
 
 The Theatre at Dublin was at that period 
 neither in eftimation as a fchool of morality, 
 or proverbial as to its immenfe profits -, and 
 EDWIN often experie/ced the mortification 
 of non-payment As Mo .v SOP reprefented 
 Operas, EDWIN was of fome ufe in the Ther 
 atre, but not fufnciently fo to make the 
 combined efforts of him and his brethren 
 productive, and they very often retired from 
 the Treafury on a Saturday morning as 
 pennylefs and crefl-fallen, as fo many credu- 
 lous dolts who had received a final anfwer 
 from their folicitor after nine years legal 
 conteft in the unfathomable gulphs of chan- 
 cery, for the eflablifhment of right, 
 
 MOSSOP caft his ferious and Comic 
 Operas with fome degree of ftrengthj 
 
 TF.N-
 
 ( 86 ) 
 
 TENDUCCI, PERETTI, CREMONINY and 
 Mifs BROWN, fupported the former, while 
 Mifs CATLEY, EDWIN, RYDER, and WILDER 
 gave importance to the latter ; but to fum 
 up the confeqnence in a few words, the re- 
 tainers of Phoebus were not then in fo much 
 requeft as they are at prefent---focial difcord 
 was more feducing than Theatric harmony 
 the players were goodthe payments were 
 bad, and the unfortunate labourers literally 
 ftudied and ftarved 
 
 The firft character that EDWIN performed 
 in Dublin was Sir PHILIP MODELOVE, in 
 the BOLD STROKE for a WIFE, and as in 
 that part very little is expefted by the Au- 
 dience, they were not difappointed by the 
 execution of the Actor- Soon after Mr. 
 Moss OP got up Mr. COL MAN'S chef tT'&Hvre, 
 the JEALOUS WIFE*": the principal charac- 
 ters of that Comedy were caft as follow. 
 
 * In the year 1780, Mr. COLMAN went over to Dublin 
 Briefer the idea of managing Crow-ftreet theatre in the 
 winter-months, but found matters fo deranged, as obliged 
 him to quit the defign during his ftay he fa\v the plav of 
 the JEALOUS WIFE acled, and told me he did not know 
 fcia own piece, it was fo imperfectly done, 
 
 Mr.
 
 ( 27 ) 
 
 Mr. Oakley, - Mr. MOSSOP. 
 
 Major Oakley, Mr. GLOVER. 
 
 Charles, Mr. REDDISH. 
 
 Sir Harry Beagle, - Mr. RYDER. 
 
 Trinket, Mr. EDWIN. 
 
 AND 
 
 ji, Oakley, Mrs. REDDISH 
 
 All the above parts were in excellent 
 hands, except that of LORD TRINKLT, for 
 EDWIN, who had performed only old men, 
 and low comedy parts in Manchester the 
 preceding Summer, found himfeif very 
 aukward in the draperies of a Lord, and, to 
 do him juflicc, his apprehenfions were well 
 founded, for though any thing will pafs fora 
 Lord in a drawing room on a birth day 
 of Royalty, either as to perfon or deportment, 
 the public on this occafion in a moll ex- 
 traordinary degree depart from" the fuggef- 
 tions of truth, and expect that the fcenic re- 
 preientatives of peers fhould LOOK and ACT 
 like MEN. 
 
 But to return to my Hero- the habili- 
 
 ments of grandeur did not tally with his 
 
 4 genius,
 
 geiiius, and the bag and fvvord made him 
 appear as outre and fingular, as poorOMAi 
 when he was firfl introduced at St. James's 
 caparifoned as an European gentleman. 
 
 In a particular fpeech when LORD TRIN- 
 KET receives a mortifying reproof from 
 CHARLES, EDWIN experienced one alib from 
 die Audience, for upon his faying, " I cut 
 a mighty ridiculous figure here, upon ho- 
 nour !" feme of the wags in the Theatre 
 immediately replied with great vociferation 
 ." You do indeed !"- -fuch a retort, one 
 might fuppofe, would have fkkened the 
 youth for a bag wig in future, yet we find 
 him the following fummer and at other 
 times contending for the fops parts. 
 
 The next character he affumed was JUS- 
 TICE WOODCOCK, his fuccefs in which amply 
 atoned for his former difgrace, and he con- 
 tinued through that feafon, either an OLD 
 MAN, a THIEF, a CLOWN or a CONSTABLE, 
 
 MOSEOP was at this time in the very 
 senith of his glory as to acting, but alas he
 
 was compelled by neceflity to imitate the 
 phi ofophic exclamat on of Cato., to his 
 Company : 
 
 ' Ladies and Gentlemen, we cannot command fuccefs, 
 " But we have done more, we have deferved it." 
 
 For it was not his indifputed excellence in 
 ZANGA, RICHARD the third, SHYLOCK; 
 or the DUKE in MEASURE for MEASURE, 
 that could bring occupants to the benches of 
 his Theatre The multitude are too fre- 
 quently governed by caprice and foilyj 
 and it is not always that the gentle minif- 
 try of reafon can overpower their didates--- 
 Exclufiveof this remark, the united ftrength 
 of Mr. BARRY and Mis. DANCER* at 
 Crow ftreet Theatre, aided by a better 
 Comic company than that of Smock Alley, 
 frequently diminifhed the receipts of the 
 latter And as two Theatres have ever 
 been and perhaps ever may be too much for 
 Dublin, both muft feel the bad effects and 
 EDWIN declared, that when a member of 
 
 * Mrs. DANCER.*S maiden name was STR.EET, her fa- 
 ther was an Apothecary at Bath {lie married an Atfor 
 whofe name me bore in Dublin, after that me wedded 
 Mr. BARS.Y and her prcfent name is CRAWFORD. 
 
 Smock
 
 C 30 ) 
 
 Smock Alley, the Performers have waited 
 until money came in at the different doors, 
 to buy candles, and redeem fuits in pawn 
 proper for the performance, which has been 
 retarded on that account fometimes until 
 nine o'clock, and MOSSOP and his Comedi- 
 ans have broke in upon the ftricb rules of 
 moral propriety, and reprefented the laft 
 .Act of a Farce at one o'clock on a Sunday 
 morning- -In the middle of Mr. MOSSOP'S 
 feafon, EDWIN received an invitation from 
 Mr. RYDER to go to Waterford in the Sum- 
 mer, and perform under the management of 
 that Gentleman ; he was offered a capital 
 caft of parts, and that offer was fweetened 
 by rhe kindneffes of Mr. RYDER and his 
 family, which EDWIN experienced in a very 
 eminent degree- 
 In the interval between figning the agree- 
 ment and fetting off for the place of defti- 
 nation, Mr. RYDER gave EDWIN an invi- 
 tation to his houfe at Drumcondra. On the 
 nrft vifit, during the adminiftering of tea, 
 Mrs. RYDER made inquiries of her gueft, 
 as to his religious perfuafion, and being in- 
 formed that he was a proteftant, fhe imme- 
 diately
 
 diately produced a Bible, and made EDWIN, 
 her Hufband and Daughter follow her ex- 
 ample, by reading a chapter in that facred 
 volume. This was rather an aukward event 
 to the laughing EDWIN, for tho' he valued 
 himfelf upon his faith in revelation, and 
 would have died in defence of its doctrines 
 with as much intrepidity as any of Fox's 
 Martyrs, he had never made the pages of 
 the infpired fathers his particular ftudy : 
 however to oblige the Lady, he read the 
 tenth chapter of Nehemiah with good 
 difcretion and proper emphafis. 
 
 That ftrong conjugal affection which 
 marked Mrs. RYDER'S manner her praife- 
 worthy attention to her family and great 
 politenefs to all around her, produced, as 
 the actors phrafe ir, a foliloquy in our young 
 comedian, and EDWIN thought ferioufly for 
 the firft time that marriage was a glorious 
 inftitution. 
 
 The Theatre Royal in Smock-alley was 
 at this time in a flate of confufion- poverty 
 and anarchy governed its dependants by 
 
 turns,
 
 C 34 ) 
 
 turns, and notwithftanding EDWIN'S falary 
 was inconfide able, he found one week 
 fucceeded another without any recompence 
 for his profeffional induftry Eager to 
 avail himfelf of every mode of raifmg mo- 
 ney, he adopted a venial fraud, and that 
 was, to walk into a Spunging-houfe on forne 
 night when he was the principal in the 
 entertainment, on what is termed a frl 
 wit, and then lend word to the treafuref 
 that: fix or feven pounds were neceflary to 
 liberate him from durance vile- -This piece 
 of ingenuity was effectual in feveral in- 
 flances the congratulations of the Green 
 Room veriued the expediency 'of the mea- 
 fure, and EL WIN was often mentioned as 
 a very clever fellow in what they termed 
 doing the manager. 
 
 I have before obferved, that MOSSOP was 
 poor and embarrafied, his fituation there- 
 fore demanded fecrecy and fecurity, and the 
 lafl night of his feafon was never made pub- 
 lic for reaibns too palpable to notice. 
 
 EDWIX>
 
 C 33 ) 
 
 EDWIN wanting money to bear his ex- 
 pences to Wateiford, and not knowing the 
 manager's policy, unwittingly chofe that 
 very night to pay another vifit to the fpung- 
 ing-houfe, in the foiorn hope of railing a 
 few pounds ; but in this effort his better 
 genius failed him, and he had the mortifica- 
 tion to walk out again without the required 
 iupply ; for though he was to fill a princi- 
 pal character that evening, an apology was 
 made to the publicthe part was read by a 
 Mr. DUNCAN, and MOSSOP dole a march 
 on his creditors, by taking his final leave of 
 the audience for that feafon. 
 
 Amid the dramatic recruits for the fum- 
 mer, was a Mr. GEORGY, a Dutchman, 
 who was engaged as firft fiddle, and this 
 inmate of Orpheus being as deftitue of tem- 
 poral conjforts as EDWIN, they agreed con- 
 jointly to lay fiege to Mr. RYDER the coun- 
 try manager's generofity, who was going 
 out in that capacity for the firft time ; by 
 this manoeuvre they procured the loan of a 
 guinea and a half, with a recommendation 
 
 VOL. I. D CO
 
 ( 34 ) 
 
 to fome people at Waterford- to afford them 
 relief on their arrival. 
 
 This fum, though inconfiderable, pro- 
 -duced a fort of hilarity in the mule-hunting 
 twain -the Dutchman becoming active as 
 well as rich, propofed fome of the gymnaf- 
 tic fciences for their embrace, and the 
 fchool-boys trick of/<?//co; the leader was 
 accepted by ED WIN* -a wide ditch prefent- 
 ing itfelf, GEORGY undertook to jump over 
 it, and to remove all impediments to mo- 
 tion, pulled off his fhoes and (lockings, 
 but as it is well known that the bottoms of 
 the Eelg are as heavy and inert as their 
 heads, I fuppoie it will not furprife the 
 reader to underlland that the Dutchman's 
 beft efforts could only convey him to the 
 middle, where he ftuck immerled in filth 
 up to the arm-pits EDWIN with a roar of 
 laughter, exclaimed \vith FaUtafF, " there 
 " lies Honour for you "---With much dif- 
 ficulty the fiddler was dragged from this bed 
 of pollution, and EDWIN conveyed him to 
 his lodgings, where the timely application 
 of fome pails of water restored his. perfon to 
 
 -A ftatc
 
 ( 35 ) 
 
 a ftate of cleanlinefs, and a few bumpers ot 
 Currant Whifkey recovered his fpirits from 
 depreflion. 
 
 After one night's facrifice to Morpheus, 
 they got up, and commenced their pedef- 
 trian march to Waterford, a journey of 
 near ninety Engiifn miles unluckily the 
 1 morning proved rainy, which fatigued the 
 minftrel, and difpleafed EDWIN io much, 
 that after perambulating fourteen miles, 
 both parties felt themfelves extremely un- 
 comfortable ; and the burfting of the 
 Dutchman's (hoes, which he had purchafed 
 but the day before in John's- lane, obliged 
 them to take fheher in a Dry Lodging * at 
 
 NAAS, 
 
 A dry lodging in the interior pavt of Ireland, is gene- 
 rally found in a fmall cabin or hut Iniilt with mud-walls, 
 and covered with thatch ; in the middle of this carravan- 
 fera they ufually make a turf-fire, round which the family, 
 travellers, pigs, and poultry take their ft and in the cor- 
 ners they are accuftomed to fpread ftraw, which > 
 the poor people for a bed, and at the bottom of every 
 couch a blanket is fixed to the ground by two large nails, 
 which at night they draw over their perfons and flcep ai 
 roundly, and I hope as h.ippily, as the reverend fathers ia 
 D 2 Gad
 
 ( 36 ) 
 
 NAAS, the afllze town of the county c* 
 Kildare, where fome falutary reft upon a 
 ftravv-buih bed, with eggs and bacon, and 
 two pipes of mundungus, procured from an 
 old huckfter-woman in the neighbourhood, 
 three inches in length, incrufted with 
 faliva, and as black as Rhadamanr.hu s, 
 raifed their drooping fouls, and gave them 
 a fufficient degree of boldnefs to engage a 
 car * with a fack on it, to trundle them 
 
 God upon their beds of eider down* When the hum- 
 ble pofiefTor of the mud-manfion has wealth enough to fell 
 a horn of malt or a noggin of whifkey, it is 'fignified to the 
 thirfty pedeftrian by {ticking an old pipe in the thatch with 
 a rag dangling at its end the nightly demand for refreih- 
 inent in thefe dormitories is two-pence! 
 
 ''' Cars in Ireland form the only meLliod of conveying 
 goods from one town to another ; their fize is fmall, and 
 go very near the ground ; they cany upon an average 
 about a ton each.and are drawn by a fingle horfs they ar 
 admirably fuited to the wants of the Irifh paafantry, and 
 even perfons in a genteel fituation of life, often make ufe 
 of them in their parties of pleafure ; their mode on fuch. 
 occafions is to throw a fack or carpet ever the fuvface, 
 upon which three or four perfons -ufuaHy fit, and are car- 
 ried in that manner to the end of their jonrney, filling up 
 the intervals of time by drinking, laughing, fmokir^j, and 
 every other fpecies of focial har-incuy.
 
 ( 37 ) 
 
 back again to the fmokey metropolis of 
 lerne. 
 
 On their return to Dublin their firfl reft- 
 ing-place was at Temple-bar, which fur- 
 nifhed at that time, and perhaps now, fuperb 
 hotels for the accommodation of wandering 
 gentlemen. 
 
 In this new habitation of the actor and 
 fiddler the remainder of the guinea and a 
 half was foon expended in the united luxu- 
 ries of warm whifkey-punch and a beef- 
 fleak. Mr. RYDER was, fortunately for 
 thefe eccentrics, ftill in the capital, and the 
 re- appearance of his recruits, for a frefh 
 fupply of ca(h, threw the country manager 
 into the utmoft aftonifhment: " I thought 
 ef by this time, gentlemen," faid RYDER, 
 <e that you were fafe depofited at Water - 
 -". ford." - fc No, fir," rejoined EDWIN, 
 c we ought to have been, but our ill ftars, 
 " vou lec a have decreed it otherwifc >-
 
 C 3 ) 
 
 -'Tistrue, 'tis pity, 
 
 And pity it is 'tis true ; a foolifli figure, 
 But farewell it, for I will ufe no art " 
 Mad you may grant us then ; and now remains 
 That you find out the caufe of this efietf, 
 Or rather fay the caufe of our tlefecl."' 
 
 Yor. know, Sir, it is our duty to fubmir. 
 to the Gods, To I fay nothing" -GEORGY, 
 though a good mufician, was terribly out of 
 tune at feme fentiments which his ear drank 
 from the mouth of the manager, and ED-' 
 vriv, to remove all antipathies, frankly 
 declared that the Son of Orpheus and him- 
 felf were both bale men. 
 
 The obligation of their going to Water- 
 ford being urgent, and Mr. RYDER not able 
 to purfue his managerical fcheme without 
 their afiiftance, reluctantly advanced them 
 another guinea and a half the unfortunate 
 pair departed, and with the aid of a Noddy* 
 
 arrived 
 
 * A fort of one horfe chaife in which two or three 
 travellers may be conveniently lituated, the Charioteer 
 v.-ho drives the machine fits upon a ftool elevated upon 
 tlit: {hafts, juft upon a level with the Travellers nofcs 
 
 il
 
 ( 39 ) 
 
 arrived at the field of Battle in ibmewhat 
 more than two days. 
 
 In purfuance of their letter of recommen- 
 dation they took up their abode at a Gro- 
 cer's Shop*, where for want of employment 
 (the company not being ready to perform) 
 the game of Cribbage was introduced, and 4 
 in lieu of cafti, this thoughtlefs brace of ad- 
 venturers {ported Stockings againft Stock- 
 ings, and Handkerchiefs againil Handker- 
 chiefs, until they agreed that the whole of each 
 wardrobe fhould be played for as one grand 
 Hake, when fortune frowned upon the iti- 
 
 it has been obferved that thofe perfons have been loudcft 
 in their praife of tioddie* whofe olfactory nerves are molt 
 imperfect 
 
 f * A Grocer's (hop in the country towns of Ireland and 
 even in the capital is materially different from a fhop of the 
 fame denomination iu England their principal articles of 
 confumption are WhHky, Claret, Brandy, Rum, IIol-- 
 hnds Gin, London Porter, Tobacco of all forts, Strung 
 Beads for Roman Catholics, Colours for Painters, ground 
 Starch, Pummice Hone, Tea, Sugar, Currants, Rail'ms, 
 Tigs and dried Pilh 
 
 D 4 nerant
 
 ( 40 ) 
 
 nerant comedian, and the contents of ED- 
 WIN'S cheft of brown-paper was inflandy 
 transferred to the reftricted bundle of the 
 triumphant Fiddler. 
 
 To this humiliating circumftance was 
 added another - y the Grocer produced his 
 bill for board and lodging, and other inci- 
 dental expencesj this operated like a thun- 
 der bolt upon the faculties of EDWIN he 
 reflected ferioufly upon his conduct, and 
 a reform as well as mortification were the 
 profitable confequences % 
 
 Our Hero had the good fortune to pleafe 
 the town as an Ador, but the feitivity of 
 the Iriih gentlemen prevented that clofe 
 attention to the duties of his fituation which 
 prudence commanded : Bacchus and Mo- 
 mus frequently flood in his way, and the 
 "prevailing influence of thofe merry Gods 
 made him apparently a focial devil- 
 About this time EDWIN conceived a paf- 
 3 fioa
 
 C 4i ) 
 
 'lion for the Wife of a Sea "Captain, whofe 
 Huiband 
 
 ' "Was to Aleppo gone, Mafcer of the Tyger." 
 
 The Lady was beloved at the fame time 
 by the Diitch minflrel, and the corroding 
 paffion of jealoufy feparated the t\vo inti- 
 mates, and even a challenge was in agitation; 
 as far as appearances could be relied on, 
 EDWIN was the favoured rival ; his perfonal 
 addrefs in ROME, CAPTAIN MAC^AI^T, 
 and GEORGE BARXWELL, made a wonderful 
 impreffion upon the fenfibility of the fair 
 object of contention, and threw the mufidan 
 with his Bars, Refts, Crotchets and QU-VERS 
 at an immeafurable diftance, and efrabiifhed 
 the minifter of Moinus as the firft fiddle 
 and bed compofer of a fpeech for the ear o 
 his beautiful miftrefs. 
 
 The D utchman's defect made him defpe- 
 rate, and he icon contrived to evince the 
 force of his malevolence by his ungentleman- 
 
 like management of the orcheflra : The 
 
 comic opera of the MAID of the MILL 
 
 furnilheci
 
 ftirniihed an apt occafion for the execution 
 of his malice; for when EDWIN, who w,r> 
 in high eftimation for his finging in Sir 
 HARRY SYCAMORE, attempted the fongs ot' 
 that part, the perturbed defcendant of Am- 
 phion let down the ilrings of his violin, and 
 influenced the reft of the band to do the 
 fame ; the difcordant mixture of found:; 
 occafioned by this manoeuvre was fufficiently 
 terrific 
 
 to affright the iile from its propriety,'' 
 
 and not unlike the quarrelling for places in 
 the upper gallery of a theatre, or the echos 
 of Biliingigate on a market morning. It 
 Ihould be noted, that EDWIN ever after this; 
 affair has been difgufted by the idea of a 
 DUTCH CONCERT. 
 
 I will leave the fiddler for the prefent and 
 advert to the actors, who were like the 
 generality of ftrolling companies., made 
 up of raw recruits, whom 
 
 *' Their country vomit forth to defperate actions 
 .and -a jure deftrution." 
 
 B-ut
 
 ( 43 ) 
 
 But their charadteriftic merits were merc- 
 ifully explained by fome lines made by a wag 
 of Walerfordj which to fpeak truly were 
 aptly applied, and properly fatirized their 
 profeflionai inabilities 
 
 " I pi ay ye gentles common fenfe rofpcft, 
 
 The art of ading well we don't exped: ; 
 
 But yet we wifh with all our hearts, 
 
 That you would get your parts ; 
 
 For as it ftands, upon my foul, 
 
 The prompter fpeaks and plays the whole." 
 
 A young comedian in the country con- 
 tents himfelf folely with the reputation of 
 having his name in the play-bills for a good 
 part, without labouring to know the direct 
 letter of the colloquy, much lefs the meaning 
 of the Author; and many an actor, almoft in a 
 ftate of fecond childhood, has claimed the 
 part of a lover, for no reafon more material 
 than his having played the fame character 
 fixty years before. 
 
 Our callow mouther of heroics began 
 now to difcover, like many great men, that 
 the more his importance was amplified as 
 
 an
 
 ( 44 ) 
 
 an Actor, the more his felicities were re- 
 
 nioved as a man he fek, that his 
 
 compeers for Theatric honours could not 
 bear a rival -his intentions were prejudged 
 his pretenfions ciifputed with petulance, and 
 his good name became fullied by the breath 
 of calumny. 
 
 The force of flander in all flages of fociety 
 is a circurnftance that can never be fuffici- 
 ently regretted, and hoftile to the beft ends 
 of our being what I underftand by fociety, 
 is a ftate of mutual confidence, reciprocal 
 fervices, and correfpondent affections 
 when numbers are thus united there will be 
 an interchange of fentiment and action, ho- 
 nourable to cur nature and beneficial to our 
 fpecies; but when fpee'ch, that peculiar 
 blefling of man, only Operates as the inftru- 
 ment .of obloquy to fecond the purpofes of 
 ruin, I am inclined to wonder that the Om- 
 nipotent fhould intruft a power fo dange- 
 rous to a race of babbling ar.imals, who 
 feem wantonly to murder luiman peace, 
 unaccompanied by the pangs of remorfe or 
 the dread of refponfibility. 
 
 Aftors
 
 ( 45 ) 
 
 A dors are extraordinary people, and the 
 circumllance of one leaving a Theatre be- 
 caufe they denied him the performance of 
 the COCK in HAMLET, and another laying 
 claim to all Ipecies of fops becaufe he pof- 
 iefTed a bag wig and a fvvord, will verify, in 
 two inftances out of a thoufand, that they a3 
 well as the reft of mankind are not free from 
 propenfities at once fatal and ridiculous. 
 
 KDWIN was not wholly uninfecled with 
 this profeffional mania, and though he had 
 a partiality for the Beaus of Comedy, re- 
 filled playing the character of BRAZEN-, 
 merely becaufe the regimental coat he had 
 felecled in the wardrobe had been previoufly 
 engaged by RYDER for the illuftration of 
 CAPTAIN PLUME, and left another com- 
 pany bscaufe the Manager infilled on his 
 taking Sir FRANCIS WRONGHEAD, when 
 he wiflied to ailume COUNT BASSET 
 
 Our adventurer's benefit at Waterford, 
 the fecond he ever had, and the nnl in point: 
 of profit, made him mailer of about twenty 
 five pounds, which he tcck home to his 
 
 lodging,
 
 (46 T 
 
 lodging, and depofitedin different places' by 
 turns, without enjoying the happinefs of 
 thinking it fafe in any thus poor EDWIN 
 found that the acquifition of wealth brings 
 its concomitant folicitudes ; however he fixed 
 upon his bed at laft as the more fecure fi- 
 tuation, but like moft young men his trou- 
 bles were but tranfient ; the ileep of the 
 night deftroyed the cares of the day; the 
 poppy had more effedt than the pence and 
 the money was left in the fheets. 
 
 While at rehearfal his recollection re- 
 proved his remiffnefs j he ran home to his 
 lodgings like a madman, and the pleafure of 
 recovering a property which he had never 
 loft, gave his feelings the moft exquifite edge 
 imaginable--- 
 
 After this ferious affright he <f locked up 
 all his treafure" in a trunk- and applied to 
 it whenever his wants urged him, and thofe 
 wants were not unfrequent. The fum of 
 twenty-five pounds was nearly confumed in 
 three weeks, and on his examining the por- 
 table bank prior to his quitting the town, the 
 
 impro-
 
 '( 47 ) 
 
 improvident actor found that his purfe had 
 given up the ghoft, excepting the inconfide- 
 nible fum of fixteen fhillings. 
 
 Oh prudence, how amiable is thy afpect! 
 whoever pays his devoir at thy fhrine, retires 
 from the altar, fatisfied in his own opini- 
 on, and more eftimable in the vifion of focie- 
 ty Thy influence, like the vifitation of 
 the angels to Abraham, makes our dwel- 
 lings hallowed, and our characters approach 
 to perfection Thou fitted enthroned amid 
 a bufy world, cloathed in pureft veftments, 
 and alluring; its variegated tenants to 
 crowd around thee and be happy Without 
 thy fmiles, we degenerate into brutes with- 
 out being obedient to thy fuggeftions, we be- 
 come the inmates of torment. 
 
 The facetious EDWIN was notproverbial for 
 courting prudence when fome years younger 
 He expended the liberal gratuity of the 
 good people of Waterford, in the haunts of 
 folly and extravagance ; and when his fi- 
 nances were reduced to a truly unenviable 
 Hate, he fat himfelf down upon the corner 
 4 of
 
 ( 48 ) 
 
 t)f his bed, reding his chin upon the palm of 
 Jhib i ight hand ; like Caius Marcius on a vef- 
 tige of Carthage, and after ejaculating a 
 figh, which was drawn from the inmofb 
 chamber of his heart, mod pathetically re- 
 viewed his coniumptive purfe- turned both 
 the pockets of hi., black gallig^fkins infide 
 out, and then exclaimed in the loudeft ac- 
 cents of woe, 
 
 Faicwel to the ne^hinp fleed, and aii the c-rcuin-* 
 
 fta^itia'i por. ..cy, 
 
 ?.Iypu:-f_ is leant my rcpulacbn's gone- " 
 
 1 Cnoughtlefs ECV.TV, 
 
 was obliged in cor.feqnence to walk to Dub- 
 lin j and a lorv but little 'mo- 
 ney is nc r t hc mcft de- 
 firable accidents of our being - 
 
 I do not 1: vyv any circumflance which fo 
 fully tends tojuilify the doctrine of predefli- 
 nat-.on', as the behaviour of thole young per- 
 fo.is who have an ardent attachment to the 
 ---I think, tho' v.'i'.li fume hefiration, 
 that the impelling prejudices aJ: more pow- 
 erfully
 
 ( 49 ) 
 
 crfully upon the mind than even the fervour 
 of outrageous love in the firft inftance, the 
 j udgment is fo entirely hoodwinked, that it 
 becomes blind to every dreary profpect 
 which mifery can pourtray, and recedes from 
 the unerring arguments of conviction with 
 as much feeming difgufl as if the intention 
 was to injure and not befriend the object of 
 admonition whereas in the inftances of love, 
 the fenfes are never fo wholly abforbed, by 
 paflion or perverted by lunacy, but they can 
 difcover whether DEL i A or DAMON is crooked 
 or flraight fhort or tall young or old 
 but in whatever relates to the profeflion of a 
 dramatic life, the propriety of the meafure 
 appears but a fecondary confideration the 
 refolution is upheld as the doctrine of fate, 
 and they leap into the trenches of defolation. 
 as felicitoufly, as if being hooted while 
 exifting and pitied when no more, were 
 among the choiceft rewards of individual 
 obftinacy. 
 
 The late Mr. JACOB HEMET, who has 
 often related to me the calamities of his 
 being, never appeared fo much agitated by 
 
 VOL. I. E the
 
 ( 5' ) 
 
 the pangs of difappointment as wheii 
 reciting the unaccommodating manner in 
 which he was rejected by Mr. RICH, then pa- 
 tentee of Covent Garden Theatre, when 
 he produced a letter of recommendation 
 from COLLEY GIBBER, and made an uncon- 
 ditional offer of his fervices to play the firft 
 line of tragedy ; tho* my old friend had ex- 
 perienced as many ferious unkindnefles from 
 fortune as mod men, yet none apparently 
 had clung with fo much adhefion to his me- 
 jnory, or made fo vail an inroad upon his 
 peace or his ambition. 
 
 In the courfe of the fummer, EDWIN recei- 
 ved a card of invitation from DOCTOR LAN- 
 DER, an apothecary of the town, to pafs the 
 evening athis houle j and the occurrence not 
 happeningon a play-night, he readily accept- 
 ed the fummons. (I ftiould obferve that in 
 mo-ft country towns the fpirit of friendfhip 
 operates as a Succcdancum for the honors of 
 a diploma, and all apothecaries act as phyfi- 
 cians without a due licence from the college, 
 and this gentleman was, as ufual, dignified 
 with the appellation of DOCTOR) The room 
 that EDWIN was fhevvn into was ftrewed 
 
 with
 
 C 5* )' 
 
 Vith camomile flowers, for the purpofe of 
 drying, excepting a fpa'ce round the table 
 and a fmall pafiage of communication be- 
 tween that and the door. 
 
 The company confuted of the doctor and 
 his friend, GEORGY the Dutchman and ED- 
 WIN, who to be upon a level with the reft 
 in point of drinking, was obliged, as coming 
 lafr, to fwallow three bumpers, an irreme- 
 diable cuftom prevalent of old among the 
 convivial fons of lerne. 
 
 The DOCTOR and EDWIN gave their fongs 
 by turns; the Doctor's friend played on the 
 flute, and the fiddler exercifed his profeffio- 
 nal abl:lty j for two hours the wine went 
 round in rapid movements, and the four af- 
 ibciates bumpered it away as if all the advan- 
 tages of fortune depended upon who fhould 
 drink moft but as it is decreed that fublu- 
 nary felicity fhall not be durable, we muft 
 notbefuprizedthat thefeftivityofthe evening 
 v/as marred by the intervention of difcord; 
 but the difcord moil improperly originated 
 with the" mufician, who to the amazement 
 
 E 2 Of
 
 < 5* ) 
 
 of the company on a fudden refufed to 
 touch the firings of his inftrument, which fb 
 far difgufled EDWIN, that forgetting the cere- 
 monious obligations of a gentleman, he cal- 
 led GEORGY a rafcal, and was immediately 
 knocked down by the enraged harmoniit 
 for the coarfenefs of the appellation. 
 
 EDWIN in getting up laid hold of the ta- 
 ble for affitlance, which was plentifully co- 
 vered with bottles and glafles, and brought 
 them all on the floor j a combat then 
 was in agitation, and the parties dripped for 
 battle, but the camomile flower5 and the fur- 
 niture of the room fuffered more damage 
 than eicher of the Heroes. 
 
 The doctor's father, a very aged man, who 
 %vas totally ignorant of the methods of actors 
 and fiddlers, and perhaps ferioufly alarmed 
 for the lafety of kis fon's property, ran up 
 itairs in the midft of the uproar, crying our, 
 * c Oh my god ! oh my god, fend for a 
 Conftable, fend for a Conftable," and in his 
 rage, fright and confirmation, fnatched ths 
 wig off EDWIN'S head, and threw it into the 
 
 ftreet;
 
 ( S3 ) 
 
 ftreet j an over charged-kennel inftantly 
 -carried it out of fight, and poor EDWIN 
 was led home in a ludicrous ftate, non comics 
 mentis^ with a white handkerchief bound 
 round his head, muttering death and de~ 
 flruftion to the author of this complicated 
 difgrace. 
 
 Whether it was from the fear of a renewal 
 of hoftilities, or to juftify the old faying, 
 <f that people are better friends after a 
 battle than before," I know not, but the 
 Dutchman's rancour appeared to have fub- 
 fided, and the two affailants lived upon a 
 more friendly footing than before. 
 
 At this period EDWIN was paying his 
 addreiTes to, or rather vifiting, a Mifs 
 HAWK, an attractive Actrefs in the Wa- 
 terford Company ; an invitation to dinner 
 from the Lady to the Gentleman, had a 
 wonderful effect on tlie latter, and matters 
 went on. as well as matters of that fort could 
 but whenever the fair appendage of Tha- 
 lia and Melpomene touched upon the theme 
 of matrimony, EDWIN defcanted upon the 
 E 3 comforts
 
 comforts of a good dinner the former had 
 an amorous difpofition, the latter a good 
 appetite EDWIN'S vifits were generally 
 finiihed before candle-light, and thcfs vifits 
 were on the intervening days of asfling, for 
 it fhould have been noticed, that the com- 
 pany performed but three times 4 week ; 
 after paying his adoration to the dramatic 
 magnet of his wifnes, he conftantly finiihed 
 the day with the male members of the ftage 
 -Mils HAWK, the more to allure EpwiN 
 to the embraces of Hymen, difplayed all the 
 portable properties about her chamber with 
 a fort of negligent oftentation, and the fol- 
 lowing is a partial ftatement of her warc^ 
 robe. 
 
 A Library or bundle of plays. 
 
 A Tin Coronet. 
 
 A black velvet vifor, almoft brown with, 
 
 fervice. 
 
 Three worfted feathers. 
 A foil Ring fet to imitate diamonds. 
 A Necklace and Earrings, ditto. 
 A Point Apron . 
 
 An
 
 ( 55 > 
 
 An old Hoop tliat had been worn by Mrs. 
 GIBBER. 
 
 A Braid for young Characters. 
 
 A pair of red velvet Shoes for Queens. 
 
 A Chip Hat for Shepherdeffes. 
 
 A Cambrick Handkerchief for Tragedies, 
 marked S, H. 
 
 A needle book made of brocaded Silk ed- 
 ged with Silver. 
 
 A large Briftol ftone buckle for a Ceftus. 
 
 Pearl powder. 
 
 A portrait of FANNY HILL burnt at the 
 
 A lump of Rofe Pink. [bottom. 
 
 Three falfe teeth and a Stomacher. 
 
 Some bear's greafe in a wafer box. 
 
 A quantity of black pins. 
 
 Court plaifter for patches. 
 
 Some lightning and rain in a brown paper 
 
 bag. 
 . Two falfe rumps. 
 
 A miniature picTure of a gentleman in a red 
 coat. 
 
 And a broken french Fan illuminated with 
 the ftory of Cleopatra failing down the 
 Cydnos to greet Mark Anthony. 
 
 As.
 
 As this affectionate pair were regaling 
 after the repaft one afternoon, the difcourie 
 took a turn upon the wonderful effefts of 
 Harmony on the animal creation Mifs 
 HAWK brought forward the well known 
 anecdote of Cerberus being fubdued in Hell 
 by the Lyre of Orpheus the railing the 
 Theban wall, and the no lefs marvellous 
 matter of charming the tenants of the upper 
 gallery in a Theatre by the exhilarating 
 tune of the Road beef of old England, or 
 God fave the King, with a chorus ; to 
 ilrengthen thefe inftances, EDWIN produced 
 the following lines. 
 
 An IMPROMPTU. 
 On tbe FORCE of M E L o D y. 
 
 When Amphion was plung'd in defpair 
 In the waves, without learning to fwim, 
 He fung a difconfolate air, 
 And a Dolphin came wriggling to him. 
 But Phoebus who envied his fong, 
 Blafc'dthe ficrceft of beams on the Sea ; 
 Till the fifties beginning tofweat, 
 Cried, Curfc it, how hot we fliall be!" 
 
 The 
 4.
 
 ( 57 ) 
 
 The Lady inftantly replied, " that's a 
 good one." This poetical effufion was fo 
 well received by the laughing damfel, that 
 EDWIN ventured to produce a Sonnet, which 
 he had compofed during the infancy of hi? 
 pafiion. 
 
 S N N E ?. * 
 Mijs SALLY HAWK, upon her cruelties-, 
 
 Written by J o H N E D w i >r, Comedian, 
 fit the age cfjevenfee??, in imitation of 
 SHENSTONE. 
 
 Ah go ye little lambs, and nibble flowers, 
 Or quench your thirft at yonder purling ftream ; 
 For Cupid, crutl Cupid, chills my powers, 
 And my fond wifhes cheat me like a dream. 
 
 Ye 
 
 * Had this Sonnet, which is a palpable imitation of 
 SHENSTONE'S beft manner, been produced at the prefent 
 period, there can be no doubt but it would have proved 
 an aggrandifement of the late Mr. EDWIN'S fame, by ftevr. 
 ingmankind thatindependent of hisgreatmerits as an Aclor, 
 he could write occasionally with as mnch pathos, delicacy 
 and feeling, as Mrs. SMITH, Mrs. YEARSLY, Mr. MERRY 
 Mrs. BARBAUI.D, Mifs MORE, Mi s. COWLEY, Mr-CooTER, 
 
 Mrs,
 
 ( 53 ) 
 
 Ye pretty birds that v/arble on the fpray, 
 
 The Goldfinch, Lark, the Linnci, and the Dove, 
 Tho' my heart aches, yet you may all be t ;ay, 
 
 For ycu have never known the pangs of love, t 
 Or if you have,, no fad, no favage vows, 
 
 Have kept your chirping miftrefics from ye, 
 You aik no other houfcs than the boughs, 
 
 And bill and coo and fly from tree to tree, 
 No fitting Shepherd felt fuch pungent pain, 
 
 Nevcj: before, nor never will agalu. 
 
 The lady was fo much delighted with the 
 beautiful imagery of the for.net, that Ihe in- 
 voluntarily repeated, " And bill and coo, 
 " and fly from tree to tree." I fuppofe it is 
 almoft unnecefiary to inform the reader that 
 EDWIN viewed his nymph through a me- 
 dium of prodigious refpecV he had always 
 thought her as handfome as an angel, and 
 J^egan now to imagine her as chafte as 
 Dian to fpeak in the language of an aftor, 
 Ihe had wonderful merit in her #*, could 
 
 !Mrs. ROBINSON, Mr. HAYLEY, or even Mr. UPTON- 
 Jiimfelf!!! Upon the ftrength of this performance, lad-' 
 vifed Mr. EDV/IN to become a member of the Blue Stocking 
 Club, but the player's modefty fupcrceded hii ambition^ 
 aadlie relin^ulflied the idea
 
 ( 59 ) 
 
 iuftie through three characters in the fame 
 night -was anxious to make herfelf ufeful to. 
 the manager. Seven or eight lengths* were 
 nothing to her capacity ihe could go 'on 
 for any -part at a day's noticevalued her- 
 felf on being a quick ' ftudynzvzr feigned 
 illiiefs or mad.? && ft age ft and could double 
 and drefi with any lady in the three king- 
 doms, and actually performed on one night, 
 JMOIXDA and CAPTAIN DRIVER in QROO-- 
 NOKO j and on another, LADY TOWNLY 
 and JOHN MOODY in the PROVOKED Hus T 
 
 Hefperus beginning to twinkle through 
 the canopy of the heavens, EDWIN turned 
 his thoughts upon departing in peace, firft 
 requefling the loan of a play-book from 
 Mils HAWK'S library to amufe him in re- 
 tirement- the lady politely offered him sis 
 jou like it, and Love finds the way, but ED-,- 
 WIN preferred Every man in his humour) and 
 ff ure for Meqfure. 
 
 A length is forty-t 
 
 The
 
 ( 60 ) 
 
 The feafon allotted for their performance 
 at Waterford being now expired, every 
 actor's hope was fixed on his winter's en- 
 gagement, and the company were convened 
 by the manager to take a cheerful glais 
 on their reparation : It was then that EDWIN 
 had the misfortune to difeover from a 
 Frenchman, a dancer, who went by the 
 name of SHUTER, that after he had finilhed 
 his chafte vifits to the agreeable Mils 
 HAWK, his companion who procured the 
 means of fubfiflence by his dexterity on 
 " The light fantaflic toe," ufed to fucceed 
 him as a lover, and reap the fruits of a 
 fiame, the unknowing comedian had only 
 folly enough to raife ! 
 
 A few days previous to ED WIN'S quitting 
 WATERFORD, a misfortune occured ; it 
 was fimply this A poor fellow of the name 
 of PATRICK O'KEAGHEHAN, in the honed 
 endeavour to find his way home from a 
 jhebeen houfe after dark, made a fmall 
 miftake, took the helm of a Norway brig 
 in the harbour for his own houfe, and in 
 labouring to enter, (tumbled over an 
 
 eighteen .
 
 ( 6i ) 
 
 cighteen-inch cable, fell plump into the 
 river, and was drowned. The body was 
 taken up the next day, and agreeably to the 
 cuftoms of Ireland was to be waked the en- 
 fuing night to this ceremony EDWIN as 
 a ftranger was invited, and the more efpeci- 
 ally as he had often given the deceafed a glals 
 full of beverage, vulgarly called WHISKEY. 
 The Comedian went and found the mourners 
 aflembled in a cellar under an ufquebaugh 
 fliop on the quay after a formal intro- 
 duction to the relative of the deceafed, he 
 took his feat among the reft of the vifitors, 
 and had his allotment of a pipe of tobacco 
 fome grilled cake, fnuff, and half a pint 
 of fpirits the body was depoGted in a 
 heavy elm coffin, which was placed upon- 
 two ftools in the middle of the apartment 
 with the lid half removed. Over this hung 
 the gentle relict of the departed, bathing the 
 cold forehead of her dead lord with tears.--- 
 After many ghoftly admonitions from PETER 
 BALLYBOUGH, the pariflj prieft, the 
 wretched lady permitted herfelf to be 
 dragged from the corpfe took a fup of the 
 fyt down -hid her cour.tenance.in 
 
 her
 
 ( 61 ) 
 
 Tier IiancJs and profufely wept like another 
 Alcyone /The feat of lamentation however 
 
 was not long unoccupied J ire G y 
 
 PONSONBY, who was coufm-german to O' 
 KEAGHEHAN'S fofter-mother, uprofe from 
 the corner of the room flew to the wooden 
 tafe of benumbed mortality, and vented 
 her grief in accents that were probably heard 
 at a league's diftancc. When fhe had re- 
 peatedly ejaculated with great earneftnefs, 
 wringing her hands, " Arrah now PADDY 
 * e why did you die ?" the whole company 
 united in a general pullulleloo, the noife of 
 which almoft breaking the drum of poor 
 EDWIN'S ears, he was in the act of flopping 
 them with his thumbs, which being per- 
 ceived by his immediate neighbour, BRIAN- 
 O'Row, who dealt in fruit and timber ; at 
 Dungarvan, he griped the left wrift of the 
 tremulous comedian, and vociferated, " why 
 <f bl -d-a-nouns man what are you about ?" 
 This falutation brought EDWIN to his fenfes, 
 and he zealously joined in the pious orgies: 
 with all the devotion of a mad bacchanal. 
 
 i Whent
 
 When" this ceremony was concluded, 
 SHELAH MULLOWNEY was called upon for 
 
 a chaunt after three loud herns, and two 
 
 coarfe apologies, the fair digger of turf 
 fung, or rather bellowed as follows- 
 As my true love and I went truffing togedder, 
 We called at the fign of the grifken and medder : 
 Och there we danced launftram poney togedder, 
 And often -cried whack for the other brown medder; 
 Sing furillulloo, turiddleliddlelull, burillulloo, turiddle- 
 ItddleluH, furicldle, turiddle, furiddlc, and now 
 boys go merrily WHACK ! 
 
 When the lovely offspring of beauty came 
 to the -concluding monofy liable Whack, all 
 the affembly clapped their hands loudly in 
 unifon, as if by inftinct,and repeated the word 
 with a fonorous emphafis - every thing went 
 on as well as decency could expect, until four 
 in the morning, when an inconfiderable 
 affray took place FATHER. BALLYBOUGH, 
 who had been drowning his grief in vaft 
 potations of the Lethean juice, got up with 
 much difficulty and reeled in a zig-zag direc- 
 tion towards his clay- cold friend, whom he 
 feized by the hand, and crofling his breaft 
 thus ejaculated, fc bad luck to you, Paddy 
 
 now,
 
 ( 64 ) 
 
 how, why was you after going to that 
 &mefaebeen houfe without firft afking my 
 lave [my jewel ? get out of that with your 
 laughing, you comical baftard," faid he 
 tapping the forehead of the deceafed, " to 
 be fure you don't remember when I cotcbed 
 you tickling KATTY MACFOOSTER'S under 
 petticoat in the chapel itfelf you Spalpeen , 
 laft JLammas ; but I forgive you with]all the 
 veins in my heart fo I do here you taafof 
 the world, take this and put it under your 
 wig 5" continued the difciple of Chrift, 
 flicking a fhort pipe between the teeth of the 
 corpfc, " it will kape you comfortable in the 
 winter months my honey." At this inftant an 
 old crony of PADDY'S darted up, and thun- 
 dering out a tremendous oath, " by this book 
 and I fwear it," uttered he, kifling the fkirt of 
 his coat, " but he fhall have fome fuftion as 
 well as all tobacco d'ye fee ;" and in the en- 
 deavour to fix a bottle of fpirits at his right 
 ar, in which attempt he wasviolently oppofed 
 by the Prieft, a fcuffle enfued, which brought 
 the contending parties, dead body and all to 
 the ground- --the head of the coffin pitched 
 
 unluckily
 
 unluckily upon the temple of THADY 
 FOG ARTY, who lay ftretched upon the floor 
 in a found fleep, and had not his head been 
 as thick and as impenetrable as the great wall 
 of Tartary, or the Cones of Cherburgh, the 
 abrupt vifitation muft have fhivered his fkull 
 to atoms however the Fates interfered, 
 and THADY gave an unerring teftimony of 
 his being in the land of the living, by enter- 
 taining his friends for about ten minutes 
 with a hideous roar, not entirely diffimilar 
 to the tones of a dying hog in the victualling 
 office- the lifelefs trunk was rolled by the 
 concufllon fome yards on the floor, and 
 flopped by EDWIN'S feet, who was fo 
 much alarmed at the accident, that to ufe 
 an Irifh phrafe, he gathered tip bis duds- 
 made but three ftrides from the cellar to the 
 ftreet, and did not even think himfelf fecure 
 when he got neftled, and trembling between 
 the dowlafs fheets at his own dormitary. 
 
 The preceding information relative to 
 Mifs HAWK, efcaped the lips of SHUTER the 
 Dancer, when they were both labouring un* 
 der the preflure of inebriety but notwith- 
 
 VOL. I. F ftanding
 
 f 66 ) 
 
 (landing that, the humble reprefentative of 
 fops and monarchs regiftered the bafe tale 
 in the volume of his brain, and the next 
 morning paid the flippant A&refs a vifit of 
 refentment, burft the chains of affection 
 afunder in her prefence, pronounced the 
 execrations of gallantry, and took a final 
 leave in the following folemn declaration. 
 
 * Oh Madam, oh Miss HAWK, I fhould ftillbe happy 
 
 If the whole Camp, pioneers and all 
 
 Had tafted your fwcetbody, fo I had nothing known.'* 
 
 He then told her of the voluptuous dan- 
 cer's vain boafting ; and the indignant lady 
 attempted to explain ; but EDWIN, like the 
 firft oracle of the law, afTumed a contemptu- 
 ous brow leagued with ferocity hulhedthe 
 Lady into filence and bid her fix her talons 
 on any other dramatic pigeon, for he was re- 
 folved that Miss HAWK fhould not make a 
 prey of his affection. " Your books, madam, 
 faid he, like yourfelf, have deceived me; they 
 are not Every Man in his Humour, and 
 Meafure for Meajure, but Love's Labour Left 
 and the Dsvil fo Pay" He then left the. 
 5 pollu-
 
 polluted Daphne in tears with the fucceed- 
 ing quotation, which he delivered mod tra- 
 gically as he receded ftep by ftep from the 
 prefence of the theatric enchantrefs : 
 
 Intolerable deceit ! your fex 
 
 Was never in the right ; you're always falfe, 
 
 Or filly ; even your drefies are not more 
 
 Fantaftick than your appetites ; you think 
 
 Of nothing twice: Opinions you have none. 
 
 To-day you're nice, to-morrow not fo free, 
 
 Now fmile, then frown ; now forrowful , then glad ; 
 
 Now pleas'd, now not ; and all you know not why : 
 
 Virtue you afFed, inconftancy's your practice ; 
 
 And when your loofe defires once get dominion, 
 
 No hungry Churl feeds coarfer at a feaft j 
 
 Every rank fool goes down." - 
 
 In the courfe of the fummer EDWIN re- 
 ceived an invitation to the Edinburgh Thea- 
 tre, and the death of Mr. STAMPER * the low 
 
 * It is worthy of remark that the prefent juftly celebra- 
 ted Mr. PARSONS of Drury Lam: Theatre was ieledkd to 
 fucceed Mr. STAMPER in confequence of EDWIN 'srefufal ; 
 by this circumftance we learn that thoft great men in their 
 profeffional capacity were cotemporary in fame during the 
 progrefs of juvenility. 
 
 F 2 Come-
 
 ( 68 ) 
 
 Comedian, operated as an incitement in the 
 Manager to folicit the afliftance of Mr. ED- 
 WIN Affairs were nearly brought to an iffue, 
 and an engagement between them determi- 
 ned, but the want of a fufficient fum of mo- 
 ney toaccomplifh fo long a journey, forced 
 f.D WIN once more to fight under the ban- 
 ner of MOSSOP, and he left Waterford, Octo- 
 ber the i fth, 1766, in company with Mr. 
 REMINGTCN the Comedian, to walk enjem- 
 Ik to Dublin. 
 
 Cafh being very low with the improvident 
 ramblers, and the ridiculous trouble of a 
 wardrobe out of the queflion, (for EDWIN'S 
 whole flock remained in a fmall trunk 
 with his landlord for ever as a needful depo- 
 fit for non-payment of arrears,) thefe co- 
 mic pedeftrians, each armed with a Jplinter 
 of Jhilelahy and a few fhillings in their pock- 
 ets, crofled the river SUIRE on their rout to 
 Dublin, when the day was in the wane, and 
 the yellow-haired God haftily defcending be- 
 hind the weflern hills to reft his radiant head 
 upon the bofom of the humid Thetis, 
 
 They
 
 They had not proceeded more than three 
 miles, when they were faluted on the fhould- 
 ers by SHUTER the dancer, who hearing of 
 their departure, had with the greateft rapidi- 
 ty procured a piper, and overtook the actors 
 at a little public caravanfera, but known in 
 Ireland by the tide of a *Sheebeen houfe 
 The door of this low temple of good fellow- 
 fhip {landing invitingly open, they effected 
 their entrance incontinently, and brandy be- 
 ing the moft potent liquor to be procured, a 
 bottle was inftantly ordered, which, with the 
 iweet notes of the piper, who was an excel- 
 lent performer, and a dance between the 
 three comrades, occafioned as much tempo- 
 rary happinefs as can be experienced by any 
 triumvirate in fuch circumftances. The 
 brandy being out, the dancers fomewhat fa- 
 tigued, and that fable intruder, night, giving 
 them unqueltionable proof of her approaches, 
 
 *' A Shebeen houfe is a mean cabin or hut, many of 
 which are to be feen at convenient diltances on the pub- 
 lic roads cf Ireland the inhabitants deal in bad fpirits, to- 
 bacco and aie, which they contrive to vend without pay- 
 
 ' ' i. 
 
 they
 
 ( 70 ) 
 
 they thought it not altogether imprudent to 
 feparate in purfuit of their feveral avocations. 
 The dancer and piper returned to Water- 
 ford, and the high-mettled ac~lors to Dub-. 
 lin; but I fhould have remarked that before 
 they parted they all kified the piper.* 
 
 From this humble fcene of feflivity they 
 travelled half a league farther, and that corn- 
 pleated their firft day's journey at this point 
 of their peregrination, on the left fide of the 
 road, they difcovered a milerable hut, one 
 fide of which was formed by the embank- 
 ment of a ditch -, the walls were compofed of 
 mud and draw, and its roof partially cover- 
 ed with thatch, on which vegetation feemed 
 to triumph in a variety of productions : they 
 certainly would have miftaken this building 
 for a pig -ftye, if a pipe ftuck in the edge of 
 the roof, and a fmall board affixed in the 
 front, on which was fcrawled, * 
 
 * Rifling is a common mode of flotation among the 
 peafantry of Ireland, whofe innocent, yet manly minds, are 
 untinged with an idea that the joyful purpofes of natnre 
 can be fubverted by the hell-born dictates cf abomination.
 
 DRY LODGING for MAN and HORSE, by 
 DARBY LOGAN" had not informed them 
 that it was the habitation of human beings : 
 they hurried into this calamitous hut, and 
 found a bed without fheets, a piece of hung- 
 beef in the chimney, that had been appa- 
 rently nine times dried Ibme potatoes in an 
 iron pot, and a tobacco pipe, which proba- 
 bly had been common to die whole parilh, 
 feven inches in length, and as foul as the 
 heart of that holy inquifitor who gave Gali- 
 leo to death : but even the coarfe fare of 
 this rural Inn, with the kindly affiftance of 
 youth and good fpirits, produced as much 
 hilarity in thofe wandering comedians as a 
 dinner dreft by CAMPBELL at the SHAKES- 
 PEARE in his beft manner would in the minds 
 of individuals not fo legally allied to mirth 
 and good humour. 
 
 The Hoft of the Inn was the prototype of 
 BONNIFACE in the STRATAGEM, and his vo- 
 ciferous information that you might have any 
 thing elfe but the precife article after which 
 you have enquired, was oddly verified by 
 their not being able to procure viands of 
 
 any
 
 ( 7* ) 
 
 any defcription, excepting boiled potatoes 
 and fome hung beef as hard as the knots of 
 an oak table j but even hard beef and pota- 
 toes are not to be rejected when men are 
 -hungry, and neceffity gives the word of 
 command. EDWIN and REMINGTON were 
 preparing for bed, when GEORGY the fiddler 
 and another child of Phoebus made their ap- 
 pearance in the offing j after mutual congra- 
 tulations they agreed to join company, and 
 purfue their journey the next day together, 
 purfuant to this refolution, 
 
 When like a lobfter boil'd, the morn 
 From hideous black to red did turn. 
 
 They fet off in defpite of a gentle fhower of 
 rain, and for mere diverfion : when they arrk 
 ved at a heath, they all four danced the 
 witches reel in MACBETH to the melody of 
 their own voices, and the entertainment of a 
 few ruftics, aflifted by a blind harper, who 
 tho' well flailed in the fweet airs of CAROL AN*, 
 *knew as much about VESTRIS, and the gra- 
 
 * The harp or lyre of the ancients, fo much celebrated by 
 the Greek poets, was compofed of an hollow fhune, ov-r 
 
 whicii
 
 ( 73 ) 
 
 ces,as a haberdafher does of HebrewFowl?? 
 feeing his companions and the clowns prepa- 
 ring for their departure, demanded their at- 
 tention while he preached them a fermon* 
 and on his promifing to be as concife as pof- 
 fible, they readily complied, and he began as 
 follows 
 
 In the fifth chapter of Job, verfe the 
 feventh, you will find thefe words. 
 
 vhich feveral firings were thrown, probably in fome fuch 
 manner as we fee them on a harp and dulcimer. They 
 did not much refemble the viol, as the neck of that inftru- 
 ment gives it peculiar advantages, of which the ancients 
 feem to have been wholly ignorant the mtilician was ac- 
 cuftomed to ftand with a fhort bow in his right hand and 
 a couple of fmall thimbles upon the fingers of his left : with 
 thefe he held one end of the firing, from which an scute 
 fyund was to be drawn, and then ftruck it imirediattly 
 upon the bow In the other parts he fwept over evtry 
 firing alternately, and allowed each of them to have its 
 full found. This practice became unnecefiTary afterward-, 
 when the Inflrument was improved by the addition of 
 new firings, te which the founds correfpcndcd. Horace 
 tells us, that, in his time, the lyre had feven firings, and 
 that it was then much more mufical than it had been ori 
 
 finally 
 
 ' Man
 
 ( 74 ) 
 
 * Man is born unto trouble as the fparks fly upward" 
 
 I fhall divide this difcourfe (faid EDWIN) 
 and confider it under the three following 
 beads. 
 
 j Man's ingrefs into the World, 
 
 3. A Man's progrefs through the World, 
 
 3 His egref* out of the World. 
 
 And i A Man's Ingrefs into the World, Is naked and 
 
 bare, 
 i His progrefs through the World, is trouble sand 
 
 care. 
 3 And laftly, his egrefs out of the World, i* 
 
 nobody knows where. 
 
 To Conclude. 
 
 If we do well here, we {hall do well there, 
 
 1 can tell you no more, if I preach a whole year. 
 
 The Song of" Four and twenty fiddlers all 
 en a row," by EDWIN, and a mock Hornpipe 
 byRcMiNGTON, whodrew the flap of his fhirt 
 out of his breeches before to anfwer the idea 
 of trowfers, while the ftrolling muficians 
 fawing out the tune with all their art finifhed 
 the performance this combination of drol- 
 eries occafioned much genuine laughter, 
 
 and
 
 ( 75 ) 
 
 and the actors and their audience parted 
 infinitely pleafed with each other. 
 
 After thefe ridiculous vagaries, a fmart 
 walk of about fifteen miles brouht them 
 to a village where they breakfafted and dried 
 their habiliments- before their repaft was 
 finifhed, a poor filly fellow called BILLY 
 BAKER, who had been in the Waterford 
 company, made his entre- y this lad, they 
 found afterwards, had feen the party on their 
 march from a hill at fome diilance, and en- 
 quired them out from flage to flage An 
 inclination for the honours of the drama, 
 without the leaft pretenfion to ability, was. 
 the caufe of BILLY BAKER'S bankruptcy in 
 fame and circumftances : this glaring in- 
 fufficiency induced fome comical rogues 
 in Dublin, to perfuade BILLY to join Mr. 
 RYDER'S company at Waterford, at the fame 
 time intimating that he was in want of a 
 finger, and a man of his particular merits- 
 The weak lad, who was profeflionally a 
 Baker, took their advice literally -left hU 
 friends went to Waterford, and ccnndently
 
 ( 76 ) 
 
 applied to Mr. RYDER for an engagement* 
 who feeing him a poor deluded being, 
 and pennylefs, received him into his com- 
 pany/rom motives of companion, to aflift in 
 the menial offices of the ftage, fuch as car- 
 rying meffages hallowing and fhouting 
 behind the fcenes reprefenting dumb lords 
 ftatefmen, confpirators and peafants 
 joining in the chorus of" one and all" " iv 
 Jo"" we will" " Bravo" &c. fupport- 
 ing the fide wings, and bowing to every ba- 
 jhaw of an Aflor, who had the merit to 
 perform a King or a Conqueror, and re- 
 ceive a more confiderable falary than him- 
 felf The audience obferving his folly, and 
 rinding he had been a Baker, and his name 
 Bitty, gave him the familiar title of BILLY 
 BAKER, which was continually vociferized 
 by fome of them, whenever he made his 
 appearance on the ftage : " Well done, BIL- 
 LY"--" BRAVO, BILLY BAKER"" that's 
 right, BILLY" -were the conftantfalutations, 
 and BILLY, though the word comedian in 
 the company, attracted as much notice, and 
 occafioned as much merriment as the belt. 
 
 EDWIN
 
 ( 77 ) 
 
 EDWIN afked the Baker on his arrival if 
 he had any money to bear his expences to 
 Dublin, but Billy replied 
 
 " Alas I have not a ducat in the World,'* 
 " Yet am I in love, and pleas'd with ruin.'' 
 
 Why then, replied one of the wags, cc Coin 
 <c your nole," for be it obferved that BILLY 
 had an immeafurable probofcis, with a large 
 red pirnple on the tip, and EDWIN remarked 
 that it was the firft time he ever could per- 
 ceive humour in the baker's countenance- 
 The actors confulted on a method to bring 
 him to his friends, and after a variety of 
 refolutions, it was at laft agreed to take him 
 into their fervice during their journey j and 
 BILLY BAKER was accordingly fworn in as 
 principal Valet de Chambre to thofe erratic 
 claimants of the fock and bufkin. 
 
 The two fiddlers parted with the actors 
 after breakfalt, each taking a different path, 
 and the journey to Dublin (excepting the 
 pain of fore feet, occafioned by unufual 
 exertions) was rendered very pleafant by the 
 
 attentions
 
 ( 73 ) 
 
 attentions and fervices of BILLY their own 
 
 obfervations freaks of fancy and the 
 
 peculiar -eccentricities of the Irifli peafantry, 
 who abound in more oddity, whim, and 
 good-nature, than any other fet of people on 
 the habitable globe. 
 
 EDWIJT was accuflomed to fpeak thus appro- 
 priate of IrelandThe graces of hofpitality 
 were never more beautifully preferved than in 
 our fitter kingdom ; there Urbanity fits upon 
 every threfhold to beckon the way-worn tra- 
 veller to participate the comforts of domeftic 
 peace, while Charity, like a modeft inmate 
 of the manfion, labours with gentle ofnci- 
 oufnefs, to reduce the miferies of their com- 
 mon gueft it cannot be fufficiently la- 
 mented, when fuch kindneflfefs are admini- 
 ilred to an object unworthy the regards of 
 virtue our approximate iflanders are 
 not predamned by the agonies of facial fuf- 
 picion there local integrity fubdues the 
 harbinger of guilt, and they exift hood 
 winked to the vices of more artful nations - 
 they receive the blandifhments of deception 
 as the arguments of truth, and become feli- 
 
 citou?
 
 < 79 ) 
 
 citous from a privation of knowledgein the 
 poignant and pleafant qualities of wit, they 
 arc unrivalled, though peculiarly delicate, in 
 the application of the point poflefling fen- 
 fations which cannot brook an infult, they 
 are cautious of entering into a ftate of per- 
 fonal defence, for an error which the head 
 may engender unauthorized by the emotions 
 of the heart-- -they are dignified in the 
 archives of Papbos as the felected minifters 
 of VzNus---being intrepid and unfophiftica- 
 ted, their action is firm, and their diction 
 energetic when a polifhed Irifhman iffues 
 a vow to the daughters of beauty, it is the 
 rhetoric of a hero foftened and adorned 'by 
 the folicitudes and imagery of love in 
 fhort, the kingdom feems in the aggregate 
 as the hft and mod favoured work of hea- 
 ven, who affixed it on the weftern extreme 
 of the univerfe to elude the complicated 
 forrows of thofe empires which rancoroufly 
 elbow each other on the vaft fcale of crea- 
 tion, and to be illumined with the final 
 beam of day, when the fun finks for ever, 
 and temporal glory is no more ! 
 
 EJDWIM
 
 EDWIN and his friend taking fome refrefh- 
 ment at the door of a public- houfe, obferv- 
 ed at a diftance, a large handfome manfion 
 -as objects of greatnefs always beget 
 curiofity, they immediately enquired whq 
 was the poflefTor ? The landlord informed 
 them his name was Sir FELIX O'BoRo, and 
 faid at the fame time, " you muft know by 
 " the Immaculate that he is a comical 
 " COLMAN, for when I firft came to refide 
 " here from fweet Ballinamona about five 
 " years ago, he conftantly came to my houfe 
 " in the evening to take a fup of the 
 " righteous, as he called it, which you 
 " muft know my honey, was Brandy and 
 ' Water Says he to me one day, you 
 " VOK.EEN, you BLARNEY GALLAGHER, 
 " where are you after buying your Brandy ?" 
 " ---At PHELAM O'SHAUGHNESSY'S, in 
 <f Thomas -flreet, faid I, your honour." - 
 " By the powers of MARY KELLY, faid he, 
 tl you'll get it better at THADY GEOGHE- 
 " CHAN'S, and fo d'ye fee to oblige fo good 
 " a cuftomer, I fent to the Spalpeen he re- 
 " commended, for a large quantity, when, 
 whac the devil do' you think he was 
 
 after
 
 ( Si ) 
 
 ' after doing ?" I don't know upon my foul, re- 
 plied EDWIN. "Why then I'll tell you by 
 the holy Peter, arrah mon jowl, bad 
 luck to him I fay, when the brandy arrived, 
 may my mother's fon be Spiflicated if he did 
 not take to rum, and fo my dear fellows the 
 Coniac remained as quiet in my cellar, agra, 
 as the fpirit of a faint in the third heaven!--- 
 
 " Pray friend, faid EDWIN, thequeftion 
 being fomewhat apropos, permit me to afk 
 it," " as many queftions as you like, rejoin- 
 ed the hoft, for I dare fay by the twift of 
 your mufcles that it is a good thing." "Why 
 then, continued EDWIN, be fo condefcend- 
 ing, fo civil and familiar, as to tell me what 
 this means. 
 
 A difappointed lobfter and an oyfter in love 
 
 FOR 
 
 ELIZABETH CANNING and a willow bonnet are to be 
 exprefied by the name of a liquor much in ufe in this 
 country. 
 
 " By the piper of Bleffingtown " faid the 
 Landlord, but you are a rum fellow." Why 
 then, " retorted EDWIN, " if dial's the cafe, 
 
 VOL i. G I'll
 
 take to brandy, fo here's my fervice to your 
 friend at the large houfe on the hill." The 
 conviviality of this party was fomewhat 
 ftrengthened by the afiiftance of a French- 
 rhan, who at that inftant called for a jorum 
 of ale, and fat down on a feat made of green 
 fods at the door. 
 
 A Frenchman in the bofom of Ireland ap- 
 pears at beft but a fmgular being there- 
 fore the adors, as well as the hoft, made 
 fomewhat free with what they thought the 
 abfurdities of his character*. The converfa- 
 tion taking a ferious turn, REMINGTON and 
 the fhrugging fubjecl: tfLsuis quinze got in- 
 to a dialogue, in a fmall degree tinftured 
 with afperity; the theme was the French lan- 
 guage, and they difputed with fome warmth 
 upon the pronounciation and propriety of 
 particular words the Engliihman had ftu- 
 
 * It is to be lamented that the lower orders of fociety 
 in Great Britain and Ireland feel an unwarrantable and cru- 
 el propenfity to treat foreigners with difrefpecl, and this 
 conduct muft appear to them the more extraordinary, as 
 l he very idea of being a ftranger on the continent ope- 
 yatcs only to make the natives more civil aad attentive
 
 ( 83 > 
 
 died the idiom with great attention, and was 
 grammatically grounded in both Latin and 
 French -on the contrary the foreigner knew 
 no more of his own language than what was 
 indifcriminately and generally fpoken -, and 
 found it as difficult to defend what he had 
 advanced as a lawyer will probably on the 
 day of judgment, fhould he prefurne to put 
 in his claim for the benefits of falvation 
 The material bone of contention was a tech- 
 nical term after much altercation and many 
 pofitive declarations on both fides, the 
 Englifhman faid with much modefty (for 
 REMINGTON certainly poffefled modefty, tho* 
 he had trod the (lage for feven years) " well, 
 Monfieur, I am perfectly convinced that I 
 am right, but am alfo equally aflured it is 
 impoflible to convince you againft the cur- 
 rent of your inclination, for I perceive that 
 your opinions are completely Hudibraftic. 
 
 " The man convinc'd againft his will, 
 Is of the fame opinion ftill." 
 
 But I will have my aflertions decided by 
 
 any man of letters in the village"- Here the 
 
 G 2 Frencia-
 
 ( 84 ) 
 
 Frenchman raifed the laugh againft himfelf 
 by eagerly replying, " Vergood mafoi 
 man of letters ! ha, ha, ha ! vat de poflman 
 I fuppofe ?"--- " So i'ts a poftman you were 
 after talking about," rejoined the hoft, " by 
 my fait that puts me in mind of a ftory d'ye 
 fee -You mult know Gentlemen, but firft 
 here's my hearty fervice to you, that I lived 
 once about a mile on this fide of Cork, my 
 jewel ; and Mr. SHUTER, that comical fon 
 of a Canary 1 mean the play-actor my 
 dare, who kept Smock-alley in credit, (top- 
 ped at my door one fummer afternoon as it 
 
 may be now d'ye fee to be fure I didn't 
 
 give him a keemeelafaulti( y and what d'ye 
 think he wanted ? Why I'll tell you, pulla- 
 looKatty, to ax me whereabouts the town of 
 Bottle-ftopper was. Is it Botttle-ftopper you 
 want, faid myfelf, fo I fays to my wenches 
 here, you JUGGY, KATHLEEN, NORAH, 
 can you tell where the town of Bottle-ftoppffr 
 itands ?" " The de'el burn me," anfwered 
 
 bots the girls," " if ever I heard of it." 
 
 Upon which faid I to SHUTER, get out of 
 
 that, wid your joking man, are you after 
 
 coming here to bodder us ?" " Not 1, 
 
 5 upon
 
 upon my * Kiddy " faid SHUTER, " pozzo- 
 rozativo, galluminevus, tufhmereen, ox- 
 umbrolho, peloteero, pottovvoufki, fnaggs - f 
 but my boy, as you don't underftand Greek 
 I perceive, tell me what place is that great 
 
 town yonder ? " " That town," faid I, 
 
 " why bad manners to you, that's Cork to 
 
 be fure." " Why then you filly b h, 
 
 replied SHUTER, " is not Cork and Bottle- 
 Jlopper the fame thing ?" 
 
 This landlord, who was a droll fifri, 
 called NED SHUTER a wet actor, and con- 
 fefled that he had no violent objection to the 
 crater himfelf -told his gudls that he fel- 
 dom went to bed fober, and was never up 
 long before he was tipfy knew every ftage 
 of intoxication, and almoft every name and 
 mode of exprefling it according to the hu- 
 mour of the fpeaker. 
 
 "Obferve me now faid he a Fop of a fel- 
 low would fay, a man in that fituation was 
 
 * The ufual affeveration of the late lamented EDWARD 
 SKUTER. 
 
 G Hocus
 
 ( 86 ) 
 
 Hocus, n&n J ipfe> elevated, eleflrijied, or 
 von compos mentis A penny barber would 
 /ay, he was in thefuds, or terribly cut and 
 io honies a failor would talk about his being 
 Half fe as over acrofs the line y out cf bis 
 latitude another would fay, he had bunged 
 his eye, was knocked up bow came you Jo 
 had got his little bat on had been in the fun 
 zv as in for it much difguijed Clipped the 
 
 King's englijh Bojky Fuddled muddled 
 
 tfipfy Dizzy Muzzy Sucky Rocky 
 
 Groggy Blind as Chloe Mops and brooms - 
 But what fignifies my ringing the changes 
 upon the phrafes of Bacchus to fuch milk- 
 fops as you? continued the landlord, you 
 are all too fober to be honed fellows meet 
 three Engliflimen and you may catch two 
 *philofophers fo here is wifhing you all 
 
 better 
 
 The .Englifh, by various writers on the continent,, as 
 frequently as by the Trim, have been ftiled a nation f pbi- 
 itfoplvrs ; whether this was meant as a compliment, or 
 otherwife, remains as yet to be determined there is a 
 glimmering of firearm in the remark, obvioufly reduc- 
 tive of our fclf-Iove a", combined individuals, but yet not 
 fufficijently palpable to be. 4ireftly applied to our difad- 
 
 vantage
 
 better education Thus he exhaufted the 
 bottle by degrees till he got as drunk as 
 
 Silenus. 
 
 While our hoft lay fnoring by the fire- 
 fide, REMINGTON told a ftory which he 
 averred to have happened at Bally/hannon, in 
 the county of Donegal The Lord of the 
 Manor of that diftrict, having an urgent oc- 
 
 vantage as a people the term phiJofopher was firft adop- 
 ed by the fage of Samos, but afluredly not meant to con- 
 vey the fame oftentatious idea as it does at prefent PY- 
 THAGORAS was the firft of the SopJufts whofe modefty 
 inclined him to reject the appellation of wife for that of a 
 lover pfiwi/dom \v ith us it rather feems to imply firmnels 
 under the embarraffinents incidental to our being, 
 than eagernefs to embrace the points of learning in 
 the prefent fingular ftate of fociety, a man need only be 
 very ftupid and very filent to acquire the character the 
 meaning of the term certainly changes with the operations 
 of accident the iludy of modern philofophers is not, Tike 
 that of the antients, confined to the obfcurities of the 
 fchool. Des CARTES, LOCKE, MoNTESQuiEu,andMAU- 
 PERTIUS, were as eminently noted for polifli of exterior 
 as intelligence of mind, but when the vulgar of Britain are 
 denominated philofophers by a foreign obferver, I cannot 
 believe the obfenration is meant to be fubfervient to their 
 honor, or fignificant of their magnanimity, 
 
 G 4
 
 ( 83 ) 
 
 cafion for a fum of money, which had been 
 due to him for fome time from one of his 
 Tenants, who kept the fign of the Three 
 Compafles in that town, difpatched his Stew- 
 ard with particular orders to return the fame 
 night, and bring the cafh with him at all 
 events The Steward arrived at Ballyjhan* 
 won in the afternoon on the fair-day, and was 
 not a little furprifcd to find that both fides 
 of the highway, for a mile before he entered 
 the town, were flanked by a prodigious 
 number of men and women, who lay prof- 
 trate in the lad ftage of drunkennefs When 
 he arrived at the auberge, he was confidera- 
 bly chagrined to behold the hoft of the Com- 
 pafles precifely in the fame date : but what 
 could he do in fuch circumftances?his maf- 
 ter was inexorable in his commands, and the 
 completion of his wilhes was apparently im- 
 poffible ; he told his tale to a number of per- 
 fons who had aflembled in the Kitchen, 
 among whom was a Horfe Doftor; who 
 undertook to reftore the Landlord to ibbriety 
 in five minutes, for a trifling gratuity ; the 
 thing appeared to be impracticable, but as 
 defperate men grafp at fhadows, the folici- 
 
 tous
 
 tons domeftic complied with the terms -the 
 Hippocrates of quadrupeds inftantly called 
 for a lighted candle, took off the flaxen wig 
 from the cranium of the lufty hoft applied 
 the blaze of the taper to the top of his fkull, 
 which was damped by the fpirit of the li- 
 quor, having oozed through the pores - 
 it immediately caught fire, and having burnt 
 b.uc for three minutes and a half, the Lord 
 of the three Compaffes ftarted from his chair 
 with all his faculties in perfection flood as 
 perpendicular as the Trajan column -and 
 executed incontinently the wifhes of the 
 Steward to the amazement ot a gaping af- 
 fembly. 
 
 The various epithets applied by the Land- 
 lord to exprefs intoxication, induced RE- 
 MINGTON to defcant thus" It is curious, 
 continued he, to obferve the different words 
 and methods different characters have of 
 denominating the fame vice or virtue and 
 a Turk, a Bramin, a Perfian, an Indian, 
 or any inhabitant of any country \vhofe cuf- 
 toms and drefs are widely different from our 
 own, may poffefs in his fentiments all the 
 
 moral
 
 moral dignity that fhould fublime the human 
 heart, and yet excite by his manner and lan- 
 guage the ridicule rather than the refpect 
 of an European auditory. 
 
 Cuftom and fafhion reconcile all things* 
 and there is a fafhion even in our fpeech as 
 well as in our drapery, which changes ,al- 
 moft annually within a few years every 
 thing has been immenjely great, immenfely little 
 BIDDY TIPPET from the Cloifters in Smith- 
 field, could not drink tea at the White 
 Conduit Houfe, with Matter PARCHMENT 
 from Blow-bladder-Street, unlels it was an 
 immefife fine day, yet probably it might rain 
 fo immenje there can be no going no where 
 without a Coach- Then we were tormented 
 with the high-founding epithet, f&gvzff/upOA 
 all occafions---an elegant Houfe, elegant Gar- 
 >:i Air, elegant Water, elegant Fire, 
 came rapidly from the contracted lips of 
 every lifpmg fpinfter within the bills of mor- 
 tality anon every thing was the Barber, 
 and if even a chimncy-fwecper ran againft 
 a decent perfon, it was the Barber the 
 Bdi'hr then gave way to the Shaver, and we 
 
 were
 
 ( 9 J 
 
 were trimmed by the Shaver, from Picca- 
 dily to Wapping -then every thing was a 
 bobby borfe ; whether a man was fond of 
 Hunting, Drinking, Wenching, or Ga- 
 ming, it was a bobby hwfe---to the hobby 
 horfe fucceeded the Macaroni, and he nomi- 
 nated every rational creature a Bore, ex- 
 claimed, // was all that fort of thing juft fo 
 -~i'ery-~ e uaftly } and quite the rage. 
 
 Some perfons grofsly mifapply their words 
 as light as lead as heavy as a feather 4 
 Others make fimiiies in telling a ilory totally 
 irrelative and unappofite. One man was 
 faying to another, <c as I was crofling a field 
 I faw a Bull who run at me like -partition, 
 I run away like Thunder, and as I was en- 
 deavouring to jump over a ftyle, I tore my 
 breeches as if Heaven and Earth -were coming 
 together* To how many ufes the word JACK 
 is applied ! there is- 
 
 A JACK to pull ofFyour boots. 
 
 A JACK to roaft meat. 
 
 A black varnifhed JACK to hold liquor. 
 
 A JACK
 
 ( 9* ) 
 
 A JACK dancing on the key of a Harp- 
 
 fichord. 
 Then we have a fifli called a JACK, and a 
 
 bead called a JACK. 
 You'll find a JACK KETCH in London, 
 
 and a JACK DAW in the Country. 
 
 The Lion has his JACK-ALL in the 
 
 foreft, the bowler has his JACK upon 
 
 the Green. 
 The Gamefter has his JACK upon the 
 
 cards. 
 
 And there is a SMOKE JACK. 
 .A JACK twifted upon the Spritfail top 
 
 head. 
 
 A JACK a DANDY. 
 'JACK a STYLES. 
 A JACK aLANTHORN. 
 And a JACK a NAPES. 
 In France a Briton is called JACK ROAST 
 
 BEEF. 
 In England we call him JOHN BULL. 
 
 But apprehenfive that the defcriptive 
 JACK will play the Will-o'th'-wifp with my 
 faculties, and lead me into the moraffes of 
 error, I Hiali drop the family of the JACKS 
 
 entirely,
 
 ( 93 ) 
 
 entirely, which are as numerous and ref- 
 pedtable in this kingdom, as the family of 
 the STAFFS mentioned by ISAAC BICKER- 
 STAFF, Efq the family of the WRONG -r 
 HEADS known in every country theO'sof 
 Ireland or the MACS of Caledonia. 
 
 But to return to the Hero of thefe me- 
 moirs, I mud acquaint the reader that after 
 REMINGTON had finifhed his farcaftic differ- 
 tation, the comical triumvirate paid the 
 amount of their bill and departed when 
 they had journeyed for three days and a half 
 thro' flinty roads and bye-ways, up hill and 
 down dale thro' bog and thro' briar, they 
 arrived in Dublin, very much fatigued, 
 fhoelels, pitiable, joylefs and pennylefs. 
 
 BILLY BAKER was immediately difpatch- 
 ed to raife the fupplies, or in other words to 
 borrow money of the charitably inclined; 
 but whether it arofe from the ill fuccefs of 
 his negociation or his ingratitude I am not 
 completely informed, but certain it is that 
 his forlorn friends never faw him more, and 
 EDWIN and REMINGTON walked to the Caf- 
 
 tle
 
 ( 94 ) 
 
 tie bagnio on Temple Bar, with inteftines 
 uncheered by the comforts of a fupper, to 
 chatmt ungorged with dainties their evening 
 orifons reft their weary extremities, and 
 wait for the vifitations of Aurora to try the 
 brittle friendlhip of fome monied varkts who 
 had the honor to (land enrolled in the cata- 
 logue of their aflbciates 
 
 After a night of mental perturbation 
 fiiort (lumbers heavy fighs vociferous 
 Harts and much kicking and growling in 
 fpirit, the cock crew the majcfty of the 
 hill of Howth was arrayed in purple and the 
 golden trefies of Apollo perceptible over the 
 Horizon of Dublin Bay to be familiar, the 
 morning came at laft, and REMINGTON fal- 
 lied forth to make the ferious attempt, while 
 EDWIN was left in pledge for the reckoning; 
 and happy for both parties the cherubs of 
 charity were complacent, and REMINGTON'S 
 application not fruitlefs. 
 
 The fight otzguinea revived poor Eowm 
 from depreflion he threw the cloak of laffi- 
 tude from his foulhis pertnefs became re- 
 braced
 
 ( 95 ) 
 
 braced and he took in confequence a 
 lodging on the Batchelors Walk in the fame 
 houfe with JEFFRYS and his Wife, who had 
 performed at Waterford in the Summer and 
 belonged to the Theatre in Smock Alley, 
 which remained under the conduct of Mr. 
 MOSSOP 
 
 That Theatre opened foon after 
 arrival in the capital, and tho' the payments 
 were irregular and fcanty, Difcretion made 
 up the deficiency three weeks often palTed 
 onwithout a moiety of a week's demand, and 
 then perhaps there was an office of payment 
 on a Saturday night after the performance : 
 on the arrival of that Actors, Painters, 
 Carpenters, Taylors, Scene men, Fiddlers, 
 Lamplighters, Painters, Door- keepers, 
 Compofer's, Property-men, Copyifts, 
 Prompter, Call-boy and Authors, allpreiled 
 forward to the office, treading on each others 
 heels and toes wreftling, fnarling, joftling 
 and digging with the elbows, like fo many 
 candidates for the laurel when the deftinies- 
 bifect the thread ofa courtly poet's exiftence. 
 Thus in ftrong compacted bodies moved the 
 
 motley 
 4
 
 C 9 ) 
 
 motley famifhed congrefs towards die cheii 
 which contained the finews of dramatic le- 
 giflation a hundred tongues wagged at once 
 in the full diapafon of horror, and ferioufly 
 demanded, as with one voice, if money was 
 to be had ? ? ? 
 
 Mr. CHRISTIE, the treafurer, held a mofl 
 tmpleafant office, and the titles beftowed on 
 him by thofe who were unfortunate enough 
 to be left out of the lift of payments, were 
 not compofed of the pleafanteft fyllables of 
 the language. 
 
 Ejaculations of clefpair and looks of melan- 
 choly were heard and feen in alrnolt every 
 vifoge Aleclo and her inexorable affinitives 
 feemed to rriarfhal the viciflitudes of the aw- 
 ful moment. 
 
 PERETTI the Italian Singer's mode of ad- 
 drefilng the treafurer was rather whimlical: 
 <r SIGMOR CHRISTIE, tella me Sir, is dere 
 any monies for me r" as the anfwerin nine 
 infbnces out of ten, was conveyed in a fnug, 
 negative;, he uiually followed up the demand 
 thus : fc Cotta biefsa my foul cotta dam 
 dis is pretty vel bad ah me wiih me was 
 
 at
 
 ( 97 ) 
 
 at Londres Cotta blefla Covent-garden ift 
 Londres Cotta a bleffa a you, SIGNOR 
 .BEARD- voi avete un buono cuore. I fhould 
 inform the reader that PZRETTI hadfungthe 
 preceding winter at Covent Garden Thea- 
 tre, and whoever has been in that feminary 
 of the mufes, while under the direction of 
 Mr. BEARD, Mr. COLMAN or Mr. HAR- 
 RIS, muft have experienced the moft rigid 
 punctuality in pecuniary matters, and a cer- 
 tain politenefs of demeanour, which if even 
 diflembled, never failed to endear both the 
 obliger and the obliged. 
 
 EDWIN had the good fortune to be of 
 much ufe in . the bufinefs of the Dublin 
 Theatre, and confequently often had the fa- 
 tisfaction to Deceive one half or a third of 
 his falary ; a bleffing that was not generally 
 extended to his compeers. 
 
 The laugh-creating fubject of thefe me* 
 moirs, has frequently declared to me, that it 
 was at this ftage of his being, when he firft 
 began to feel the fprings of ambition moving 
 In his mind when the feeds of that honour- 
 able refolution to be a great man were firft 
 
 VOL, i. H fown,
 
 lown, feeds which have been fmce fructified 
 with fo much advantage to the character of 
 the dead mimic of Momus and the tempora- 
 ry felicities of fociety he adopted the ad- 
 vantageous idea that all excellence is acqui- 
 red by progreflion, and was refolved that no 
 day Ihould be facrificed to oblivion before 
 it had yielded fome additional ftrength to 
 his experience thus copying the fublime ex- 
 ample of Apelles, and the Caracci, who to whet 
 the impulfe of vaulting glory, and keep the 
 guardians of genius from (lumber, had the 
 following infcription blazoned in large letters 
 in their fchools of defign 
 
 tfulla dieijinc tinea, 
 
 By this method they made an imagination 
 rich, which probably was not originally 
 promifing, and like a fterile promontory fer- 
 tilized by cultivation, were enabled by the 
 aids of art to implant and call forth images 
 of beauty into blofTom, which nature inten- 
 ded ihould be foreign to the foil 1 
 
 The nionificattoiis occafioned by non-pay
 
 ( 99 ) 
 
 ments frequently produced fome whlmfical 
 events MOSSOP'S lodging had a communi- 
 cation with the Theatre, and TENDUCCI, 
 who had received a freezing negative in re- 
 gard to payment, vowed vengeance on the 
 Manager " Ventre bleu I vill go up flairs 
 and put my fword in his belly," uttered the 
 defpoiled animal in recitative : the Italian 
 was an expert fencer, nor was MOSSOP defi- 
 cient in the fcience of defence, but having 
 more flrength and favagenefs than the vocal 
 faftrato, when the latter entered the room, 
 and fqueaking exclaimed " I become to 
 fight you, Mr.Mossop," th e r.clor, with a cur 
 of the nofe and a horrid grin on his vifage, 
 replied in accents of thunder, tf you ultra- 
 montane fcoundrel, I will teach you to rebel 
 againft your commanding officer." The ?p- 
 plication was inftantaneous -, MOSSOP'S foot 
 indented the g!ut<eusofthe minftrel,afid poor 
 TENDUCCI tumbled down ftairs, in quicker 
 time than he afcended ! 
 
 MOSSOP, tho'a man of good fenfe, was ve- 
 ry proudand hafty in his manner, yet uncom- 
 monly flow in his afling; and his paufes were of 
 H2 an
 
 ( 100 ) 
 
 an immoderate length, particularly that in 
 ZANGA preceding the words" 'Twas I ; " 
 during which a perfon might walk out of 
 the Theatre, call a coach and be back 
 time enough to know " 'Twas I did it." 
 The rehearfals were very irregular in his 
 Theatre, and much confufion enfued from 
 the arbitrary principle with which he gover- 
 ned- MOSSOP was grand and important even 
 to a point of ridicule, on the fcore of lineage 
 and education, and not unfrequently fero- 
 cious in his demeanor*. A little fat Trum- 
 peter in the lafl act of RICHARD the THIRD, 
 giving his " tan tan tiddy ran," in the wrong 
 place, Mossop ran furioufly off the ftage, and 
 
 * That Tile aflumption of importance which we fo fre- 
 quently encounter on the pride of birth, is perhaps of all 
 human weaknefles the moft difficult to be defined by the 
 pen of philofophy it mould be noted as the triumph of 
 local ambition over general worth, but of this grand truth 
 lam morally certain, that the ridiculous pride of lineage 
 would never have been enforced with fo much indufiry. 
 had not a galling fenfe of unworthinefs impelled the ani- 
 mal to feize on thofe adventitious points of falfe eftimation 
 which are permitted to exift in focialjife, independent of 
 the nobler qualities of the mind. 
 
 directing
 
 ( '01 ) 
 
 directing his tragical fift to the Trumpeter's- 
 tun-belly, who was in the act of blowing his 
 clarion, the found which it produced feemed 
 to fignify that the mufician's laft breath had 
 departed through his inftrument. 
 
 The Prompter to the company, a lame 
 man that ufed fpcclacles, gave the Mana- 
 ger the word one night in the middle of a 
 paufe, which fo offended him, that he deli- 
 berately walked off the ftage, took hold of 
 the communicant's head, which was none of 
 the fmalleft, and drove it three times againft 
 the wall, in the very paroxyfm of fury told 
 him he would knock his falfe eye out, and an- 
 nihilate his nothingnefs, and then returned 
 calmly to his duty and finifried the fcene. 
 This Prompter, whofe name was GEMEA*, 
 Was a man of whom every veteran of the 
 ilage has heard anecdotes fraught with hu- 
 mour and fingularity he was character ifed 
 
 This whimfical event has been recited with much 
 s.ddrefs and effeft by Mr. CoLLiNs_in his aiaufing olio cal- 
 led the EVENING BRUSH. 
 
 H as
 
 ( 102 ) 
 
 ts an Athieft*, tho' I believe the application 
 was unfounded in veracity--- he had been an 
 erratic barn- > cor a6tor, and t< ; \ars 
 
 was deprived of the ufe of his left arm, 
 withftanding which impediment he contrived 
 to play the firft parts in both Tragedy and 
 Comedy : He performed one night for his 
 own benefit, or rather as they phrafe it in 
 the Green-room, ii-ent on for RICHARD the 
 THIRD, and as he had only the ufe of his 
 right arm, the other appendage of his body 
 being withered, he took he took efpecial care 
 to place the uftleis member behind him, be- 
 fore he made his appearance on theftage, un- 
 der the fear that it might embarrafs its ac~ 
 
 * The fuppofition that any human being, in the pof- 
 ftn-rn of intellc&ual health, could be an Athieft, has ever 
 fteen rcje^ed by my undtrftanding as a ci: cumftance whol- 
 ly impofilble lam certain that the fcebleft efforts of con- 
 templation mufi overthrow an error fo fupretnely horri- 
 ble the conftitution of man, his dependencies and obli- 
 gations the univerfe, its phenomena and the principles on 
 which the harmony of its wonderful revolutions are efla- 
 bli/hcd, mud in fome degree irrefiftibly force themftlves 
 np-:n rhe mind in the hour of retirement. r.-d make the 
 animal pious in defpite cf his mental abomination. 
 
 tive
 
 tire brother but unluckily for him, every 
 time he exerted his voice, he could not avoid 
 fnaking the lame arm out of its place- 
 
 Having adjufted his lifelefs extremity and 
 habiliments, he ftalked with collected ma- 
 iefty to the lamps on the ftage, and began 
 thus: 
 
 ' Now are our brows crown'd with vi 
 wreaths." 
 
 At this divifion of the argument, his left 
 arm made its appearance, which he in- 
 ftantly and unkindly flapped back with the 
 right hand. 
 
 " Our ftern aTanas are chang'd to marry meet- 
 ings." 
 
 Now the left arm appeared again, and was 
 again chaftifed . 
 
 " Grim vifag'd war has fmooth'd bis wrinkkJ 
 
 froQt." 
 
 H 4 Ditto
 
 ( io 4 ) 
 
 Ditto the arm, and ditto the confe- 
 quences. 
 
 In this manner did he proceed, and 
 whenever he particularly enforced a word, 
 it was immediately followed by a ftroke 
 from the right arm whether the unfeemly 
 tyrant foothed or raved fought or prayed, 
 the complexion of the iflue was eafily fore- 
 told the end of every fcene was a loud 
 burft of laughter fiom the aftonifhed audi- 
 tory. Poor GEMEA was as fingular in his 
 mode of difcourfing as he was in his perfon 
 and manner. A Waterman who was. row- 
 ing him over the Liffey (truck up the long of 
 
 " Bacon, beans, fait beef and cabbage, 
 
 " Butter milk and oaten bread. 
 Fol der iddle lol, Fol der iddle lol, 
 Fol der iddle, oddje iddle, tol lol lol. 
 
 Sir, faid the Prompter, with much gravity, 
 you are wrong; it is not Fol der iddle lol. 
 
 What is it then, my rrafter ? faid the vo^ 
 cal Charon, 
 
 Why
 
 Why it is Fa, la ra, da. 
 Howfhould I know that, my matter ? 
 Read the book, you varlet ! 
 
 But I muft leave the Prompter and return 
 to the Actor EDWIN had now contracted 
 an acquaintance with a Mr. WALDE- 
 GRAVE, a performer of Smock Alley, who 
 valued himfelf for his powers in MACBETH* j 
 
 and 
 
 ''* I have always confidered MACBETH as the moft diffi- 
 cult character to be aptly afiumed in the whole round of 
 SHAKESPEAR'S drama, but maugrethe allowed hazard 
 of the undertaking, we fcarce behold a whipfter on no 
 ftage, who does not imagine himfelf qualified to depict all 
 the variety of pafiion, and if I may be allowed the pin . c 
 demi-pa/Jion, of that wonderfully agitated perfonage. A 
 friend of mine, of high celebrity in the literary world, 
 who has been in the habit of obferving our London MAC- 
 BETrU for the laft forty years, wrote the following lines. 
 
 Old Qy IN eve fate fupprefs'd his lab'ring breath, 
 In ftudied accents grumbled out Macbeth. 
 Next GARRICK came, whofe utterance truth imprett, 
 While every look the tyrant's guilt confeft : 
 . Then the cold SHERIDAN half froze the part, 
 
 Vet what he loft by nature, fav'd b- art. 
 
 Tall
 
 ( 106 ) 
 
 and exported by Mr. MOSSOP'S agent in ' 
 London with feveral others this young gen- 
 tleman's conceit was exactly proportioned to 
 his infufficiency and to regifter the truth, 
 the majority of them were ignorant, vain 
 and preiuming in their profeffional efforts 
 the V. and W. like the 6gur antes in a Bal- 
 let, often changed fides, and the famples of 
 
 Tall BARRY nest advanc'd tcnv'rd Birnam wood, 
 Nor ill perform'd, uhatfcarce lie underftood. 
 Grave Mossop then ereft, purfu'd his march, 
 His wards were minute guns his actions ftarch. 
 Rough HOLLANB too rolld round his favagceye, 
 Half ftamp'd with excellence from David's die. 
 Then heavy Ross eflay'd the tr.ipic frown, 
 But beef and pudding kept all meaning down : 
 Next flippant SMITH aflum'd the murderer's m,ifk, 
 While o'er his tongue light tript the horrid taik. - 
 By trick notacwmen, he toSI'd to pleafe, 
 And all the man \vas buftle, noife and eafe. 
 Hard MACKLIN late guilt's feelings ftrove tofpe^fc, 
 "While fweats infernal drench 'd his iron cheek. 
 Then error's pin-balket JOHN KEMBLE came, 
 Who builds his arrogance on publick fhame. 
 Like FIELDIVG'S Kings, his fancied triumph's paft, 
 AH be can boaft k that he fail'd the laft ! ! ! 
 
 Cockney
 
 Cockney Englijh were not unfrequent, tho' 
 on all occafions abhorrent. 
 
 One of thofe callow candidates for pub- 
 lick fame, giving a defcription averred, 
 " that he faid, that fhe faid, that it was no 
 fuch thing ; and he faid than fhe faid, that 
 he fhould fay that it was "monftrous wrong 
 for to come for to go for to fay fo and that 
 he verily Relieved that fhe did that there 
 thing for the purpofe." 
 
 Another youth who was engaged for the 
 tyrants in Tragedy, and who unqueftionably 
 thought himfelf profefllonaliy as great as 
 Mr. GARRICK, told the company the en- 
 fuing ftory. 
 
 " Mr. SPRIGGINCS vos faying t'other 
 day, as how he werily did think that weal 
 vas better eating than wen/en-, to be fure 
 weal is wery good of the kind; but Mr. 
 SPRIGGINGS, fays I, gimme ixenjcn, gimme 
 wenfotiy fays I, Mr. SPRIGGINGS : for 
 my part, as for the matter of that, d'ye fee, 
 I vos iva/lfy fond ofwenfijt, for after ail now, 
 
 what
 
 can be more better er or more 
 Eli M wow its the wery beft of whittles, 
 isn't it, eh ? and for a man to fay as how 
 that weal vas betterer then wenfon is cer- 
 tainly very monftrous and woidof all reafon; 
 isn't it eh ? He might as well fay that voice 
 ought to be walued above wirtue, or that 
 wxnuts can be pickled without winegar - 3 
 mightn't he, eh? I axt him, fays I d'ye 
 think now, neighbourSpRiGGiNGS,thatC;'^;- 
 jrs are good without Ingons, and fo he 
 gave Jich an out o'th* vay arnjwer 9 that I 
 told him him, fays I, Mr. SPRIGGINGS, you 
 ii'crih deferve to be pelted i-itb brick bracks, 
 and rolled in the kindle fays I, till you arc 
 as black in the face as a chimblyfaecper, fays 
 I, and tbat there comes, fays I, as a yawning 
 for winelifating Jicb an apinicn. I *uos right, 
 wasn't I, eh ? And fo then he ttevoked Jum- 
 mat about being fcrcwdged wAfque edged by 
 the mob in the vitfen veek, and this here 
 and that there > and things of that there 
 kynd, and fo he wonted me to take a vawk 
 as far as the peeches in Common Garden ; but 
 fays I, Mr. Sprigging* fays I, you are a 
 f c:i!e t i'orthkjs y wappid feller, Hiys I, and fo 
 
 I don'c
 
 ( I0 9 ) 
 
 don't vant no more conwerfation vith people 
 that don't know common fcnfe fays I : I 
 vas right, wasn't I, eh ? befides, fays I, you 
 are as ignorant as the wery commonefts of 
 ratches, who do nothing at all but talk 
 about 
 
 ff Breakfaftes and toaftcjfcs, and running 
 their heads againft Poftejfes" 
 
 Had the Reverend Mr. * HERRIS been 
 in exiftence and heard this fpeech, he would 
 have inftantly declared this tragic Hero 
 ignorant of every circumftance incidental to 
 an orator ; that he was unacquainted with 
 refpiration-r- fituation of the lungs ufe of 
 
 : '' This Reverend gentlcmr.n, \vho -was never fingular 
 for his diffidence, had the temerity about twelve years 
 fince to go to Oxford, to teach the gentlemen of that 
 feminary the true mode of pronouncing the English lan- 
 guage, though Mr. HERRIS \v#s notorious forfpeaking 
 with a grating, broad Caledonian accent ; but the recep- 
 tion he met with, will not I believe operate as a fiimuhts 
 to encourage any more attempts of the faav kind, from 
 impudent men thus circumflanccJ. 
 
 the
 
 the windpipe prefiure of p the air upon 
 the vocal glands, influence of breathing 
 power of circulation fituation and ufe of 
 the larynx and glottis, and the modifications 
 of found by the organs of the mouth, the 
 tongue, the jaw, the uvula and the noftrils 
 uninformed of the harmony of fpeech, 
 modulation of the voice, climax and anti- 
 climax, emphafis, and all the variegated 
 and combined properties of human utte- 
 rance. 
 
 To be a great Aflor is to be literally a 
 great man; fuch an ambitious being as a 
 dramatic volunteer, ought to have a perfon 
 unexceptionably well proportioned, where 
 the beauties of the Anlinous are blended with 
 the mufcular dignity of the farneje Hercules : 
 his fund of animal fpirits, like the horn of 
 plenty, fhould be exhauftlefs, his imagina- 
 tion creative, and his education liberal ; but 
 chiefly and above all, he muft be deeply 
 acquainted with the principles of an orator, 
 whereby he may be enabled to enforce the 
 dogmas of truth, and make that apparent- 
 ly amiable, which h in its nature hideous. 
 4 This .
 
 This knowledge is indifpenfably neceflary 
 at the bar, but more immediately upon the 
 ftage To enforce this neceflity, I will fpeak 
 in the words of Quintilian ; " The ftrong- 
 eft argument that an orator can produce, will 
 Jofe its efFect if not fupported by an empha- 
 tical delivery, for all the pafiions droop, if 
 they are not inflamed by the tone of voice, 
 the turn of the countenance, and indeed the 
 carriage of the whole bodyj" and happy arc 
 we, when we have accompliihed all this, 
 if even then our judge fhall catch our 
 warmth j by no means can we affed him 
 with a carelefs indifference, but he muft 
 neceffarily fink and be diflblved in our drow- 
 finefs." Even the Afters upon the ftagc 
 afford an excellent example of this, who 
 add fo much grace to the productions of our 
 beft poets, that in the hearing they give us 
 infinitely greater pleafure than in the read- 
 ing j and gain our attention even to fuch 
 witlefs effays, as the REGENT and the QUEEN 
 of SCOTS i fo that thofe pieces fhall frequently 
 bring a crowded and liftening audience, 
 which judgment will no: allow a fituation in 
 our library, 
 
 "It
 
 . " It is needlefs, fays a late celebrated 
 writer, to enter upon an enquiry into the 
 Greek and Latin accents, which they divi- 
 ded into grave* acute, and circumflex, and 
 how far the fame accents retain their quality 
 with us but the ufe of the accented fylla- 
 bles are fo important, that they conftitutt 
 almoft die whole harmony of compofition 
 by their different mode of arrangement, 
 a fentence is either eafy or flowing, or harfh 
 and unmufical ! thefe men who have culti- 
 vated an ear for fpeaking or writing, can 
 iudge as it were inftinctively, whatever is 
 defective or redundant in the ftructiire of 
 any particular period. We find in gene- 
 ral, that thofe fentences are the moft har- 
 monious which admit of the greateft num- 
 ber of accented fyllables ; that which pleafes 
 the ear in reading, is the interval between 
 the accent ; but if thefe intervals are filled 
 up by a clutter of accented fyllables, there is 
 no divifion in the tone. That this is the rea- 
 fon that when too many emphatic mono- 
 fyllables are introduced into compofition, 
 they never fail to ob(truc~l the harmony, the 
 following examples from MILTON will fhew : 
 
 Ocr
 
 ( "3 ) 
 
 O'er bog, o'er fteep, thro' rough, Jenfe,f>nootb, or rate, 
 film firjl, him lajl, him mid/1, and without end. 
 
 In the firft line there are three acute ac- 
 cents placed together ; and in the other no 
 lefs than fix, provided it is pronounced with 
 juft emphafis. In fuch words the voice it 
 retained in the fame degree of energy and 
 tone, without being allowed to relax into 
 the general intervals now mentioned. 
 
 I have attempted to tranfhte the fol- 
 lowing flanza in fapphic verfe, retaining, as 
 exactly as I could, the arrangement of the 
 
 accented fy liable 
 
 Puae fub curru nimium propinqiii 
 
 i z 3 4 
 
 Soils in terra domibus negata ; 
 
 i z 5 4 
 
 Dulce ridentem Lalagen amabo 
 
 I 2 
 
 Dulce loquentcm. 
 
 I 2 3 4 
 
 Place me where fun fhir.e ever o'er me fcorches, 
 Climes v. here no mortal build his habitation, 
 
 i 13 4 
 
 Y<?t with my charmer fondly will I wander, 
 
 I Z 
 
 Fondly converting. 
 
 VOL. i. I I have
 
 ( "4 ) 
 
 I have marked the accents according to 
 the emphatic reading we often find words, 
 that in common difcourfe bear no forcible 
 fignification, yet, are neverthelefs in certain 
 fituations the moil ftriking in the whole feri- 
 tence. Take but the following paiTage from 
 the Merchant of fa/rice, when PORTI Aac- 
 cufes BASSANIO for parting with the ring ; 
 he makes this apology : 
 
 Sweet PORTIA, 
 
 If you did know TO whom I gave the ring", 
 If you did know FOR. whom I gave the ring, 
 And wou'd conceive for WHAT I gave the ring, 
 And how unwillingly I LEFT the ring, 
 When naught would be accepted BUT the ring-, 
 You wou'd abate the ftrength of your difpleafure. 
 
 Here the words ff to," " for," " what," 
 tc left," and " but," are the leading empha- 
 tic words. 
 
 Certain it is, that harmony of pronunci- 
 ation was cultivated by the antients with 
 peculiar care*. A learned critic is of opi- 
 nion, 
 
 * I have fubjoincd an example how the climax of fpeech 
 may be preferved with propriety, even when an equal 
 ftrcfc of vocal force accompanies every word. 
 
 EXAMPLE,
 
 ( "5 ) 
 
 nion, that the tones of voice which they 
 ufed in publickly reciting their poems, were 
 quite different from thofe of their common 
 converlation. And I am the more induced 
 tp coincide with this opinion, becaufe Ci- 
 cero informs us, thatRofcius, the celebrated 
 actor, had a perfon behind him on the ftage 
 to accompany with an inftrument the tones 
 of his fpeech : and that when by old age> 
 his voice became feeble and tremulous, the 
 artifl adapted the warbling of the pipe to 
 
 the 
 
 EXAMPLE. 
 I MUST WALK UP THAT HILL. 
 
 Thefe fix words admit of fix diferen" ways of hying the 
 emphafis according to the nature 'of the queftion ; and 
 yet the necefiity of laying the emphafis properly is fo 
 manifefi, that the reader will perceive the leaj deviation 
 from this rule wcruld be deftru&ive of the true meaQ- 
 irig. 
 
 If it is afked WHO muft walk-up th.it hill? 
 
 The anfwer is i muft walk up that hill. 
 
 If it mould be required why you walk up that hill; 
 
 The anfw.er is I MUST walk up that hill. 
 
 Shou'd jt be requeftcd HO\V you go up that hill? 
 
 The anfwer is I muft WALK up that hill. 
 
 If demanded which way you walk up that hill? 
 
 The anfwer is I muft walk UP that lull. 
 
 I * When
 
 f "6 ) 
 
 the pitch and quality of his voice. This is 
 an undeniable proof, that there muft have 
 been a confiderable degree of melody in 
 their manner of pronouncing. 
 
 Dionyfius HallicarnalTus has even adapted 
 a part of a verfe in Euripides to mufical 
 notes, and mentions the exact manner in 
 which it fhould be uttered. 
 
 I have annexed * principles of do cut ion on 
 a new plan. 
 
 All fpeech or language is compofed cf 
 certain articulate founds, which are here un- 
 folded in the moft fimple form ; fome of 
 them are vocal and fome not\ they are 29 in 
 number, and divided into four claffes, viz. 
 vowels, half -towels y ajpirates, and mutes. 
 The firft are purely vocal, without any ob- 
 ilrudlion. in the mouth j the fecond likewifc 
 vocal, but obftrnfted* The third are only 
 
 When interrogated WHICH hill you walk up? 
 The anfwer is I muft walk up THAT hill. 
 If folicited WHERE it is you muft walk|? 
 The anfwer is I muft walk that HILL. 
 
 * VidcHerrie* Elements of fpeech.
 
 ( "7 ) 
 
 ivbifpers or articulations of breath. The 
 fourth neither articulations of breath nor of 
 voice, but quick explojives arifing from the 
 clofe pofition of the organs this will be 
 more clearly illuftrated by the following 
 
 The SIMPLE SOUNDS in the ENGLISH 
 LANGUAGE, 
 
 [ 
 
 1 145 678 9 
 
 Am,More, Good, Rum, Jrm, Fan, Bed, Fame, &?, 
 Half-Vowels. 
 
 Vocal. < * z 1 4 S 6 7f8 
 
 Ri?7/ } Spu; , Huw/, Fi;/, Sog, Brea/^, Lea^c, Bus:, 
 
 _9_ 
 
 Vijion, 
 
 ASPIRATES. 
 
 r Brea/^, Lea/, Bu^, Wi!/;, Hall. 
 Uiivocal. < Mutes. 
 
 C RiX WeJ, Lo|, Rij, We/, Lo 
 
 FORMATION OF THE VOWELS. 
 
 The i ft and 4th are produced by the fame 
 pofition of the tongue, which is pulled back- 
 wards and much depreffed, to render the 
 Cavity of the mouth as wide as poflible. In 
 the ad and jd, the lips are reduced to a 
 more narrow and circular form. The found 
 I 3 of
 
 ( "3 ) 
 
 of the firft four is much broader and fuller 
 than the reft, arifing from the flat pofition 
 of the tongue. In the other five, the 
 tongue reaches forward, and gradually af- 
 cends towards the arch of the palate, to 
 flraiten the paffage and render the found 
 more acute. The e, which is the laft in the 
 fcale, is the fharpeft and fmglleft, be- 
 caufe the tongue is higher, and the corners 
 of the mouth more extended than the reft. 
 In all the vowels the lower jaw affifts and 
 accompanies the action of the tongue. The 
 u and f, which are the 4th and yth, are in 
 every fituation pronounced Jhort. Some- 
 times two of thefe vowels are repeated by 
 one mark, as / in kind y or u in muje ; i is a 
 combination of the 4th and 9th, and u of 
 the 9th and 3d. That thefe are the fame 
 vowels which occur in almoft every fyl- 
 lable of the language, the following fpeci- 
 men will fhew. 
 
 VOWELS MARKED. 
 
 8 z 9 ..',9 i 917 4 
 
 IT?. , h.'l>- L/ght Off>pr/ng <,fllea\cn, firft born, 
 
 11 7 4 6 2746 } 
 
 Or of th' eternal, co-eternal 'Btam, 
 4.9 7 7 94 8 
 
 'd. 
 
 I cannot
 
 4,9 f> 
 
 8 9,3 9 4 6 4 J 4-0 6 r ? 
 
 an/vvrfal Love act fm/Ies around* 
 
 9 'i 91 i 6 ! 84 
 
 nd 11 the/r S/ms. 
 
 FORMATION OF THE HALF VOWELS. 
 
 As there are three of the half vowels far 
 ^vhich we have no fingJe or particular mark, 
 viz. the $th, 6th, and 9th j we fhall diftin- 
 guilh them by ng, dh y and zb. The half- 
 vowels are all vocals, and capable of mufi- 
 cal tones. The fine found of / is produced 
 by applying the top of the tongue to the 
 upper gum, and allowing the breath to 
 efcape gently by thejtdes, but if the whole 
 force of the breath be conducted to the top 
 of the tongue, it forms the rough vibration 
 of r. The found of m, n, and g, is emitted 
 folcly through the noftrils : in m s the breath 
 is flopped at the lips j in at the fore part 
 of the palate, and in ;;g, at the hinder part. 
 The dh y or 6th half- vowel, is formed by 
 thrufting the top of the tongue gently through 
 the teeth ; the v, by laying the upper teeth 
 on the under lip j the z, by raifing the up- 
 per part of the tongue in a ftraight direction 
 1 4 againft
 
 againft the palate. And the zb, or 9th half-. 
 vo\vel, by the top of the tongue a little more 
 depreffed than in the former. Sometimes the 
 half-vowels form a perfect fyliable by them- 
 felves, as / in bottle, r in fceptre, n in open. 
 That thefe vocal articulations likewifc occur 
 in language, will appear in the following 
 
 lines ; 
 
 I 
 
 HALF VOWELS MARKED. 
 
 4*4 4? * " 9 4 
 
 Good Nature a/ztl good Sefc mufi. a/w 
 
 I J 3 .7 74 
 
 To err is hawan ; to forgii.-e, di-z'ie. 
 
 6664 2 944 4 
 
 Ktfow t/n this truth, enough for .Marc to kow 
 
 71 148 4 i 
 
 flrtue a/ose ij Happiwefs be/ow. 
 
 FORMATION OF THE ASPIRATES. 
 
 In pronouncing the ofpirates, the glottis 
 is in the fame inactive flate, as in whifpering 
 or common breathing. Hence it is that they 
 poflefled no vocal quality, and are incapa- 
 ble of mufical modulation. There are 
 likewife two of the afpirates, viz. the ift 
 and 4th, for which we have no fingle mark; 
 we lhall reprefent them, by tb> and Jh. 
 The fb is produced by the fame pofition of 
 
 the
 
 the organs in the mouth, as the db ; the 
 f as the v, the J as the z, and the _/& as the 
 zb. All the difference between the four 
 half vowels, and the four afpirates, is, that 
 the former have a vocal Jound in the throat, 
 and the latter have not. The b, or fth af- 
 pirate, is only a ftrong impulfe of die breath 
 jigainft the palate, as in fighing. The fol- 
 lowing examples will demonftrate, that in 
 fpeaking, the afpirates retain (till the fame 
 mvocal qualify, 
 
 ASPIRATES MARKED. 
 
 2 ? ? ? 2 
 
 Of man's/int di/bbedieru-e, and thc/ruit 
 a 5 j 
 
 Of that /orbidden Tree, wAofe mortal tajtc, 
 Brought Dcat& into the World 
 
 5 j j 4 
 
 W/ten even at last, the/olemn hour sAall come, 
 And wing my myjtic /light to/uture Worlds, 
 I c^>ear/ul will obey. 
 
 FORMATION OF THE MUTES, 
 
 The clofe formation of the mutes obdrudbs 
 both the breath and the voice. The firft 
 three, , d } and ^, are produced by the 
 
 fame
 
 fame pofition of the organs, as the m 3 n> and 
 ng. But in thefe mutes, no breath is al- 
 lowed to efcape outwardly : There is only 
 an obfcure murmur heard in the mouth and 
 noftrils, which is fcarcely perceptible in 
 common fpeech. The three laft mutes, 
 viz : f t /, and k y are produced in the fame 
 manner as the three former, but they are 
 entirely void of any kind of found -, all the 
 confonants, except the mutes, have an inde- 
 pendent found of their own, and are pro<- 
 nounced the fame, when feparated, as whe,n 
 combined. 
 
 MUTES MARKED. 
 
 2. 4 
 On a fu<Wen open fly 
 
 a *35 
 
 Th' infernal aoars, an^/ on their hinges ^ra/e 
 
 t. 
 
 Harfb Thunder. 
 
 42 15 
 
 Thcu rather with thy fhar/> an*/ fulph'rous Z>oA, 
 4 <; I =12 * 6 
 
 S/li/'ft the unweJgeaAk anrf gnarkJ Oa*. 
 
 Than the fo& mynlc. 
 
 In the wrftfudden the breath is totally 
 ftopped by the d> till it is relieved by the 
 
 ;/. The
 
 ( "3 ) 
 
 >;. The explofion of the mnte is hard, either 
 ! _-nly ilarts, to or from its pofition, 
 ~s i::.-.\ he perceived in the word Bolt, 
 '/, \\here both the preceding, and fol- 
 lowing found, confpire to render the ex- 
 
 It appears from the above account, that 
 all the confonants are produced by only 9 
 different pofitions oftheorgansin the mouth, 
 viz : 
 
 (L) (R) (M, B, P) (N, D, T) (N G, G, K) fDlf, 
 
 T'.l 9 
 
 T H) (V, F) (Z, S) (Z H, S H) 
 
 But I fhall now return to JOHN EDWIN 
 and his adolefcent purfuits. A fyftem of 
 amity having commenced between him and 
 Mr. WALDEGRAVI, they communed on the 
 nature of their Dublin engagements, and the 
 profpefts of that in agitation between ED- 
 WIN, and the Edinburgh manager. After 
 a mutual difplay of opinion, by Vvhich the 
 metaphyficians could not be emboldened 
 in their dogmas, it was determined that the 
 latter was the more defirable circum-ftance, 
 4 as
 
 us EDWINT would have a better caft of parts, 
 and full pofleffion of all the Comedy old 
 men. 
 
 This converfation patted at the com- 
 mencement of Mr. MOSSOP'S feafbn, and the 
 execution of an elopement (for to elope they 
 were both refolved) was deferred until a 
 more favourable opportunity fhould offer. 
 Upon the ftrength of WALDEGRAVE'S purfe, 
 ED WIN was to profecute his journey to 
 EDINBURGH, accompanied by the lender; 
 on their arrival WALDEGRAVE was to ufe 
 his beft endeavours to procure an engage- 
 ment, but on failure, it was ftipulated, that 
 EDWIN fhould maintain him, as a fort of re- 
 compence for hazarding his cafh for the 
 ufes of his friend, until he procured an en- 
 gagement elfewhere, or thought it expedient 
 to withdraw. 
 
 After this refolution, the matter dropt 
 for a few weeks, during which time EDWIN 
 boarded and lodged in the fame houfe as 
 was before obferved, with Mr. and Mrs. 
 JEFFERUS, who resided in a handfome firft 
 r floor
 
 ( "5 ) 
 
 floor on the Batchelor's Walk. The theatre 
 was indifferently attended, and the features 
 of his facred Majefty fcarcely vifible, even 
 on little pieces of iilverj confequently, ED- 
 WIN* was ofcen obliged to fubftitute a pipe 
 of Oroonoko for the blefiings of a beef fleak, 
 and vapid fmall beer for the exhilerating 
 juices of a Languedoc vintage. 
 
 * Artaxerxes and another ferious opera 
 were then in agitation, which rendered the 
 comedians of little utility, and liberated their 
 
 reHec- 
 
 " Perhaps no men have been more unj uftly accuftd of 
 impropriety of condud, than the managers of the Metro- 
 politan Theatres of Ireland; and the three fourths of thofc 
 accufations have originated in the fcarcity of cafh Tho 
 truth is, that the receipts of a Dublin theatre have never 
 been in my remembrance, and as far as I can undcrftand, 
 never were before that period, equal to the maintenance 
 of a magnificent company of performers, which thelrifh 
 f entry feem to require, though they do not make the fup- 
 port equal to the expenditure. The iarne ipirit of uuiie- 
 ceflary repreheniion which has afiaited Mr. DALY, was 
 levelled a gain ft his predeceflbrs, Mr. RYDBR, Mr. Mos- 
 rop, Mr. BARRY, Mr. WUODWAF.D, Mr. DAWSOS a;;d 
 Mr. SHR.ID.}\ AnoJ.hu- evil prevails which is fomewhat 
 curisus: an actor who will ;:!.iy contc;itedly for firty fal- 
 ling* per ^i-L'e.i in England, in an unaccountable manner 
 r^\iK:; four pounds to play ia Dublin, though the pul>];>- 
 encouragement is neany the far::;: i:j Li.'.i; : la^v.;, and if 
 
 any
 
 ( 126 ) 
 
 reflection merely to repine over the uncouth - 
 nefs of an empty purfe full on: they held 
 it to their tearful eyes, and fighed and look- 
 ed, and fighed again in all great bodies of 
 people, neglect of payment begets negleft 
 of manners; and as afters have their feel- 
 ings in common with the reft of mankind, 
 EDWIN T and JEFFERIES evinced every incli- 
 nation to rebel againft a government, whofe 
 foflering wing was ftript of its richeft fea- 
 thers ; and fo inclined were they to be bold 
 and fancy in the very teeth of the fupreme 
 authority in confequence of non -payment at 
 the Treafurer's Office, that, after conferfing 
 in the Green Room upon the melancholy 
 ftate of MOSSOP'S eftablifhment on an opera 
 night, when they had nothing to do in the 
 diurnal toil ; on retiring to the iiage door of 
 
 any cfthcio v. ir. migrnters are fined, for inattention to their 
 duties, they return to England, high charged with impro- 
 per prejudices, and circulate reports, which tend only to 
 circumfcribe the felicities of the profefikm. I have heard 
 Mr. DALY frequently traduced for actions which I never 
 \vitnefled, but candour impels me to rehte one faci 
 which I did. The late Mr. DIGGES was old, infirm and 
 neceflitous Mr. DALY faw his diftrefies, and fmoothcd 
 his paflage to the grave by fuch kindnefies, as a liber.il 
 mind only could fuggeft and delicacy execute. 
 
 the
 
 ( 127 ) 
 
 the theatre, they made no ceremony of 
 running a crofs the ftage in fight of the au- 
 dience, notwithftanding Tenducci was warb- 
 ling his beft fong in ARBACES, and holding 
 the ears of beauty in bondage, in defiance 
 of all order, dramatic etiquette and good 
 government. 
 
 JEFFERIES was of a very lazy difpofition, 
 and EDWIN not the moft induftrious of bi- 
 perds frequent difputes arofe from the 
 fupinenefs of the former, and the inert 
 habits of the latter. The tea-kettle being 
 left on the fire one morning after breakfaft, 
 JEFFERIES defired EDWIN to take it ofF. 
 EDWIN made the fame requeft to JEFFERIES, 
 but as neither would comply it continued 
 on the coals, till Mrs. JEFFERIES came in, 
 vho had been at breakfaft wkh ?/lr. MOSSOP 
 to receive fome infiructions neceffary to 
 her greatnefs as a ftage heroine learn the 
 force and nature of interjections, and have 
 her * fart marked. 
 
 This 
 
 * Marking a part, is making a ftroke beneath any 
 particular pafTage or word where the eraphafis Ihould be 
 
 moft powerful, a; thus 
 
 Is
 
 ( "8 ) 
 
 This lady exifts on record as of a pliable 
 difpoiition, and MOSSOP took great pains 
 with her, as he was wont to do with every 
 new a<ftrefs not perfonally repulfive that 
 came within the walls of his theatre : he 
 was accuilomed to fay in his turgid manner, 
 " Madam, if you will call upon me to- 
 " morrow morning, I will mark your part 
 <c for you." And the fair ftrugglers for po- 
 pularity of the dramatic diadem, feldom, 
 came away from his imperial prefence with- 
 out being convinced of the ftrefs he could 
 lay upon an efiential monofyllable. 
 
 The firfl thing Mrs. JEFFERIES did on 
 entering the room, was, to go to the fire, 
 and feeing the tea-kettle, was in the a6t of 
 removing it, but finding it very light, and 
 on fhaking it, no water, was tempted 
 to examine the bottom ; when lo, it was 
 detached from its relative and concomitant 
 ribs of tin U The adtrcfs inftantaneoufty 
 
 Is this the region, this the iLJ!, the dimej 
 That \ve mule change for Ha-vsti ? this 
 Muiirr.ful gloom for that celeftial Ijgbi? 
 
 burft
 
 ( '29 ) 
 
 burft into an exclamation of forrow, and 
 wept copioufly for a misfortune they all 
 well knew it would be fo difficult to repair * 
 while JEFFRIES accompanied her by 
 playing and fsnging, " Water parted iroin 
 the tea," and EDWIN by tenderly chaundng 
 as a collateral confolation, 
 
 * Oh dry thofe tears, Kke melted ore 
 Faft dropping cu ray heart they fall." 
 
 About this epoch of his exiitence, ED- 
 WIN was introduced to a new acquaintance 
 of the name of* LEX NAN, who was pro- 
 
 * This gentleman vras generally known a few years 
 poflerior to this event, by the name of MAJOR LtNSAN ; 
 he acquired this dfttindtion, by the following chain of 
 occurrences The Comedy of the ll'efl Indian vas per- 
 formed at Crov-ftreet Theatre, for the benefit of Air. 
 RICHARD SFARKF, and the part of MAJOR O'Fi~AHEK.Tr 
 was crafted by Mr. LENSAN, it being his firft appearance 
 on any ftage ; but the ambitious maker of fed dies iras fo 
 unequal to the attempt, that a general monnurfrfdi&p- 
 probation ran througfi the audkncc, and the pliy was 
 finifhed as fait as poffible At the conclufion of the enter- 
 tiinment Mr.SpAREs gave afupper t to\vhichMrXENNAK 
 was innUd Arhea the parties had become inebriate, they 
 all faBied forth into College green, where Mr. SPARKS 
 formally delivered Mr. L.ENXAN to the watch, charging 
 him \vith the naurderof an officer, by the name of O'pLA- 
 HtRTY the matter was ierioufly taken, arid poor LEH- 
 NAK dragged like an aifaffin to a filthy dungeori, where he 
 was confined all night, and treated with every fpecies of 
 indignity, until the comical bufinefs was properly un. 
 VOL. i, K
 
 fefiionally afadler, and offome notoriety irf 
 Dublin j for his facetioufnefs and compa- 
 nionable qualities 
 
 The time now arrived for EDWIN ant! 
 WALDEGRAVE to put their preconcert! 
 elopement to Edinburgh in execution, a$ 
 a veflel for Par legate was to fail that ev:n- 
 ing. To elude fufpicion in the manager 
 on the part of EDWIN, who was of fotne rt- 
 queftin theTheatrc, and WALDEGRAVE little 
 better than a non-entity, the former went 
 to Ringfend (a village call of Dublin about 
 two miles), dined upon oyfters, and hired 
 a boat to overtake the veflfd which was get* 
 ting under fail, and by the force of bribes 
 and perfuafion he at lait got up with her 
 WALDEGRAVE decamped as boldly from 
 Alton's Quay, as Casfar from the fhores of 
 Gaul, without any apprehenfion of being 
 detained by Mr. MOSSOP or his under- 
 ftrappers, his infignificar.ee in the Theatre 
 rendering all caution unnecelfary. 
 
 TEolus was favourable to the expedition- 
 they arrived in twelve hours at Parkgate, 
 
 ravelled before the fitting Alderman, and the unfortunate 
 LE-NNAN emancipated from the horrors of a noiibif.e 
 prifon. 
 
 which
 
 which interval was pafied pleafantly with 
 fome Irifh ladies and gentlemen who were 
 ftilow paflengers, and than whom no peo- 
 ple in the world are more agreeable in their 
 manner, or fafcinating in their language. 
 When the veflel had ploughed the fait fea 
 abut two leagues beyond Ireland's eye, EDWIN 
 evinced every fymptom of approaching 
 ficknefs he put his hand to his ftomach, 
 and opened and Ihut his mouth, without 
 any feeming caufe at length he was led to 
 his birth in the cabin, and depofited imme- 
 mediately under the fat wife of a maltfter 
 from Drogheda ; who was going to War- 
 rington to receive a legacy EDWIN feeling 
 himfelf extremely uncomfortable, flretched 
 his head out of the compartment, like a 
 goofe for food, and bellowed for his afibci- 
 ate WALDEGRAVE, but unfortunately turn- 
 ing upon his back and diftending his jaws to 
 make his wants as audible as he could, he 
 received unopportunely the hot expecto- 
 ration from the lufty lady above him, 
 who at that inftant was difemboguing the 
 contents of her ftomach with as much anti- 
 pathy as poflible The player's vifage was 
 K i completely
 
 ( 13* ) 
 
 tompletely inerufted with filth, but the for* 
 row was not durable the marine chamber- 
 lain's underftrapper defcended with a large 
 mop, and quickly abforbed the contamina- 
 tion with the addrefs of a Dutch domeftic 
 The hearts of thefe theatric adventurers 
 began to glow with undefcribable tranfport 
 when they leapt from the fiiip's boat upon 
 their native land ; the natalejolmn touched 
 the chords of their fenfes, and made them 
 vibrate with delight tho' their reflections 
 only tended to firengthen a regret that they 
 had left a kindom which had treated them 
 with generofity, notwithstanding their re- 
 ftritted pretenfions to popular acclaim. 
 
 A poft chaife conveyed them to Chefter, 
 where they remained a few days, when 
 EDWIN was taken ill, and becoming worfe> 
 it was propofed by WALDEGRAVE to go to 
 Manchefter this meafure was acceded to 
 by EDWIN ; the bill of the inn was dif- 
 charged, a carriage ordered, and after a few 
 hours travel they were fafely let down at tht 
 Bull's head in Manchefter. > 
 
 Their
 
 ( 133 ) 
 
 Their leading motive for going to 
 town was, that a company of Comedians 
 were at that time performing there, and the 
 hope of an engagement induced them both 
 to make the trial, as EDWIN had declared, 
 he was too indifpofed to attempt the journey 
 .to Edinburgh, originally intended They 
 took care to introduce themfelves the day 
 .after their arrival to the Manager, Mr. 
 WHITLEY, a man of a very fmgular difpo- 
 fition, and to whom, more whiinfical and 
 out of the way exertions are imputed, than 
 o any other Manager or country Aftor in 
 the Britifh territory the eccentricity of his 
 difpofition brought him often into ftrange 
 fituations, but the goodnefs of his heart fuljy 
 atoned for the errors of his underftanding j 
 and however marvellous or irregular fome 
 of his actions might appear, he perpetrated 
 others of a nature fo dignified, that they 
 would have done honour to the poflefibr of 
 a national throne. 
 
 Sir WILLIAM TEMPLE has aflerted, that 
 
 the abilities of a man muft fall fliort on on$ 
 
 fide or the other fomewhat like having 
 
 JC 3 a blanket.
 
 ( 134 ) 
 
 a blanket too fcanty when you are in bed 
 if you pull it upon your flioulders, you 
 muft leave your feet bare ; and if you thruft 
 it down to defend your feet, your flioulder^ 
 muft remain uncovered. 
 
 Mr. WHITLEY valued himfelf in being 
 able as a country Manager, to play any of 
 Shakefpear's plays without a double* j he had 
 a great opinion of his own powers, and was 
 certain, that however mean a character or 
 part might be ccnfidered in the drama, he 
 had the ability to make it appear confpicu- 
 ous ; and to prove this imaginary power, 
 frequently threw himfelf into fuch fituati- 
 ons which always created merriment and 
 farcaftic humour in his company, and laugh- 
 ter in the audience " now my boys," he 
 would fay, *" I wiii fhew you an example, 
 for which perhaps you may thank me during 
 the remainder of your lives Now mind me, 
 I will give you a touch of the old fchool 
 
 *By the word double is meant the neceflity which often 
 occurs in travelling companies of the fame individuals to 
 
 Cure performance. 
 
 fome-
 
 Something beyond the ideas of the vulgar 
 as the little burnijher of rhimes at Twicken- 
 ham ufed to fay, 
 
 * " I'll fnatch a grace beyond the reach of art.' 5 
 
 He was fond of .declaring, that the inat- 
 tention of managers in the caft of parts 
 was fhameful ; that he knew a good 
 A6lor could make the moft trifling 
 characters appear glorious; and, faid he, 
 " to evince the truth of my aflertion, you 
 fhall fee me undertake one of the worft 
 parts in RICHARD the THIRD," and the next 
 day's play bill pompoufly announced, i# 
 Jarge letters., the part of the 
 
 LIEUTENANT of the TOWER, 
 
 for that night only, by Mr. WHITLEV, 
 
 (being his fir ft appearance in that 
 
 character). 
 
 : - GUIDO, whofe fancy was dedicated to and marfhalled 
 by harmony, afierted, that no man could give a rule of 
 the greater beauties, and that the knowledge of them was 
 fo abftrufe, that there was no manner of fpeaking which 
 could exprefs them. This tallies with the ideas of QUIN- 
 TILIAN who fays, that things incredibje wanted words to 
 exprefs them : for fome of them are too great, and too> 
 much elevated, to be comprehended by human difcourfe. 
 
 K 4 Thoft
 
 Thofe perlbns who are acquainted with 
 the etiquette of play -bills, muft know that 
 fuch a piece of information as the abov 
 fliould be attached only to a principal part, 
 and a principal actor ; and that the adoption 
 of it on fo trivial an occafion, united to fo 
 weak a reprefentation, could only tend to 
 engender ridicule if not contempt;. Mr. 
 WHiTLEvwas in point of profefllonal excel- 
 lence, not a whit fuperior to the late Mr. 
 PAINTER of Co vent Garden Theatre, and 
 remarkably fond of die old method of acting, 
 viz. a great halt or twitch in the gait, a 
 very grave face on all occafions, and aa 
 inflexible regard in tragedy for the interefts 
 of ti-ti-tum t li-tiim, ti-tum, tl-tum /;".* 
 
 To 
 
 e A ftriking proof of the mifconception of lovr a&on. 
 occurred a few jrenrs fince at Briitoi Mr. MOODY had 
 fekfted HEXK.Y the EIGHTH for his benefit, and caft the 
 part of SURREY tothelateMr. RtJGEX. WRIGHT, who 
 would not attend the reltearials until the day of perform- 
 ance MOOBY, fomewhat netUedby WEIGHT'S conduiS, 
 reproached him for his inattention to one of SHABLE- 
 s?EAS.E'sbea plays * : Come, come, MASTER MOODY," 
 laid ROGER., " you are wrong there at any rate it does 
 nut ttrike me as any fuch thing/' *' No? " rejoined 
 gire ne youf reafong, 1 ' " look in the title 
 
 pagr,'
 
 To be coatidered as a great man an the 
 prefent cultivated ftate of foekty, is a very 
 great honor, but the rapkt fitiduadoa c 
 cuftoin makes the bafis of thac greatnefs dif- 
 fer every twenty y^ars, and I am certain, 
 that 7?ere BETTERTON MONFORT BOOTH, 
 QuiNNoRRis BULLOCK Wiz.K5HiF- 
 PESLEY LEIGH GIBBER PENKETHMAN, 
 and DOGGET^ of the merij and Mrs, BARRY 
 BETTERTQ^ PRITCHAR-D CLIVE FOR- 
 TEH OLD?IELI>, and CJSBER. sow alive, 
 and in full pofTeflion of their faculties, they 
 would appear in an inferior light upon the 
 fame boards with LEWIS, KING, PALMEK, 
 PARSONS, LEE LEASES QUICK, KEMBLE, 
 HOI.MAK, WILSON, DODD, BERNARD, or 
 WROUGHTO^ Mrs. ABINGTON, POPE, 
 JORDAN, FARREKT, BRUNTON, MATTOCKS, 
 and 
 
 Thus the confluences of eveiy day re- 
 
 page," laid the other, " and ^-ou will find it was difap- 
 proved from the beginning fee here it is noted as one of 
 SHAKESPEARE'S k-jl. pJays," thua miftaking tfie abbneii- 
 ationofthe word h'ljlontal for a fixed mark of popular 
 ccnfureafter thjs<viSRt, ROGER'S phrafe of, U dots ast 
 jiriie me, became adopted ironically La every company ia 
 the idn^doa). 
 
 Off
 
 C '38 ) 
 
 rit'y that religious apophthegm which in- 
 forms us, " That the laft lhall be firft, and 
 the firft lhall be laft." The force of habit 
 pollutes the purer influence of the judg- 
 ment ; we become ductile to the mandates 
 cf mode, without a fenfe of degradation- 
 This is a clime where almoft every man 
 fafhions a humour of his own, and an alien 
 would be led to imagine from the fingular 
 tliverfity of the Knglilh character, that thefe 
 varying Iflanders were indebted for their 
 formation to the loins of Proteus; and not 
 .thofe Romans, Saxons* Danes and devils, 
 who have heretofore made irruptions in our 
 proud territory- every individual from the 
 Monarch to the mechanic obeys the facerp 
 fibl morem.T.he prejudices they imbibe 
 cleave adhefively about their hearts, and 
 when they are impelled to lhake them of}', 
 they part with the vile attainments as reluc- 
 tantly as fo many children, which though 
 deformed and repulfivc, are ftill dear to 
 their fcnfes, becaufe they gave the abfurdity 
 a being. Their attempts at originality are 
 inceffant, and the manners of the prefent 
 day, operate as a burial to the manners of
 
 ( '39 ) 
 
 the day departed though every man, 
 when he approaches the threlhold of eterni- 
 ty, and takes an accurate retrofpect of the 
 arts and imbecilities of his exiftence, mull 
 be fick of fuch fugitive vanity, and pathe- 
 tically own that human felicity is only com- 
 patible with a life of innocence, and nothing 
 ib beautiful cr dignified as truth. 
 
 National errors create national ills, anyd 
 XERXES, ALEXANDER, CAESAR, and Louis 
 QUATORZE, might fing the foil owing catch ia 
 the fhades with feeling and cxpreffion. 
 
 War begets poverty, 
 Poverty Peace; 
 Peace makes Riches flov., 
 Fate ne'er does ceafe^ 
 JRiches prodr.ce Pride, 
 Pride is War's Ground; 
 War begets Poverty, 
 Thus the World goes round, 
 
 P O Z. 
 
 A,nd though I verily believe tLe pre&.nt 
 4&ors, (if .taken in general), are fuperior 
 to their prede^efTo/s ; I have an equal po>- 
 
 lion
 
 tlon of faith in the idea, that they will be 
 cclipfed by fucceeding greatnefs The in- 
 ceffant revolutions of cuftom will juftify the 
 afiertion, and this muft ever be the cafe in 
 a country, where there is no eftablifhed 
 memorial of what w, and no criterion of 
 truth precifely fignificant of wh atjkculd lc 
 the captivations ofHippisLEY wereftolen 
 by SHUTER, and added to his own mental 
 bank of humour rwhen SHUTER was ex- 
 finguifhed.. the combined excellence ^as 
 parcially aiTumed by EDWIN, who by dif- 
 fufing a radiance around die theft, peculiar 
 to himfelf, dazzled the public vifion, and 
 made all feem original, where a portion 
 was imitative^ thus aclors, like warriors, 
 make conquefts merely to add to their here- 
 ditary dominion, and ravilh a pearl from 
 the tiara of a remote competitor to affix in 
 their own diadem, which previous to the 
 politic violence was fyrHciently adorned. 
 
 Our prefent race cf opera fingers beggar 
 all praife We can now fee what our fa- 
 thers could not; a number of perlbns of 
 both fexes, who unite the powers of acting 
 4. and
 
 and tinging with unufual capacity 1 need 
 but exhibit the following names as a proo 
 ~tjiz KELLY, BANNISTER, JOHNS-TONE, 
 
 BOWDEN, DlGNUM, DARLEY, REINHOLD, 
 
 SEDGWICK, and INCLZDOX, Mrs. STORAGE, 
 CROUCH, KENNE&YJ MARTYR, REYNOLDS, 
 BANNISTER, MOUNTAIN, BLAND, and 
 BILLINGTON. Should pecuniary fatisfac- 
 tion be the only reward of fuch rare qualifi- 
 cations ? No fingular endowments de- 
 mand fomething more YOUNG BEVIL 
 in the CONSCIOUS LOVERS, does that which 
 every gentleman will approvea finger is 
 introduced to charm INDIANA at the con- 
 clufion of the fong, BtviL in a polite man- 
 ner prefents him with a purfe, and fpeaks 
 thus beautifully to the lady. 
 
 ** You fmile, Madam, to fee me fo com- 
 plaifant to one whom I pay for his vine 
 now I own I think it not enough barely to 
 pay thofe whofe talents are fuperior to our 
 own j (I mean fuch talents as would become 
 our condition if we had them) methinks we 
 ought to do fomething more than gratify 
 
 them
 
 them for what they do at our eommandy 
 only becaufe their fortune is below us." 
 
 To return to the narrative. EDWIN and 
 WALD EG RAVE waited on Mr. WHITLEY 
 die manager, to folicit an engagement- 
 but whether it arofe from his company be- 
 ing full, or that the appearance of thofe 
 itinerants promifed no additional aggran- 
 dizement, I cannot determine - f but certain 
 k is that WHITLEY gave them both an icy 
 negative, but this negative was qualified by 
 the fuceeeding exhortation, " Gentlemen, 
 you have embarked in a profeffion of all 
 others the mod difficult to fulfil with pro- 
 priety from the youthful afpecl of ye both, 
 your practice mud have been limited, and 
 your conception of the evils you mud en- 
 
 eounter imperfect nothing fhort of an 
 
 krefidible propenGty Ihould induce any 
 man to venture his peace upon the ftage, 
 where, to many, even his excellencies appear 
 as defects If you go to London, the 
 fountain head of theatric fame, with what 
 torments k the blefiing of a decent falary 
 intermingled ---you are there fubject to the 
 
 con-
 
 C 143 ) 
 
 emnation of every ideot, in whofe por- 
 trait malice or rneannefs are predominant 
 features --an aclor is frequently brought out of 
 the country on a fmai! faiary to fupplant one 
 in town, that the manager may fuppofe too 
 confequential---the queftion on thefe occa- 
 fions is, What fort of a performer is this 
 gentleman from York ? the anfwcrer re- 
 joins excellent but as all things are deter- 
 mined by comparison, it frequently happens 
 that the aclor who appeared very meritori- 
 ous at York, being the bell there, will 
 look very indifferent in London, when ex- 
 hibiting on tht fame boards with per ions -of 
 fuperior genius -even the late Mr. Garrick 
 confefled himfelf in an error on this point to 
 the facetious Mr. Foote, who was then a 
 member of Drury-lane Theatre," " \Vhy 
 Sir," laid he, (fpeaking of a raw comedian) 
 <f I thought this man a capital fellow at 
 Norwich, but now I fee him by WZSTOX, 
 I am convinced to the contrary"" You 
 are right, DAVY," faid the wit, " compan- 
 ions determine every thing, therefore, when 
 Hi all I perform BAYES ?" "when you will 
 Sir," added GARRICK, " but I take die 
 
 hint,
 
 ( '44 ) 
 
 certainly for my own honour 
 keep cot of die way"" M Now, gentlemen/* 
 laid WBITLEY, '* thougji an a&or in die 
 country has. nothing tx> fear from the fevc- 
 rity of diurnal criticifm, he has every tiling 
 to apprehend from bad huftnefs, and the 
 daemons of ftarvation I have been a- ma- 
 nager myfclf feveral years, aod have often 
 played through a whole town without fha- 
 jing zjeits I well remember upoc; one of 
 ^iefe unfortunate movements, that I chan- 
 ced to pals by a public houfe wiodow, and 
 on looking in, faw feveral of sny s<5lor s. ca 
 over a large bowl of punch, as 
 s& Co many frnugglers in the year 
 fiftyI immediately reproved them lor 
 their leeming extravagance " are not you 
 afhatned gentlemen," faid I, " to- drink 
 punch, while I your employer ana obliged 
 to drink water ?" " Why, mailer W HIT- 
 LEY," anfwered a pert fellow, <c I am fure 
 you cion't intend to pay for H f * " No/* 
 faid I, <e cor you neither, byG d." 
 
 ** Gentlemen," continued WHITLEY, 
 te acting is fo laborious, difagreeable, and 
 
 "unpro-
 
 ( 4S ) 
 
 Unprofitable a profefiion, except to thofe who 
 by the art of puffing, or other finifter means, 
 Can mount to the lummit of popularity, and 
 even- then it is not recompenfed with fuch 
 pleafurable douceurs as many Other fituations 
 in life, lefs often tatious, but more defirea- 
 ble fof my part, I have been born and 
 bred to it, and cannot difencumber myfelf 
 of its inquietudes indeed, now I do not 
 wifh it as I have paffed the meridian of 
 my being in circumnavigating the dramatic 
 planet, I am determined to continue the 
 pragrefs, even though I am decreed to pafs 
 through a fog in my decleniion- my daugh- 
 ter BET too feems refolved to follow her fa- 
 ther's example as it is difficult you know to 
 make a proper provifion for girls, I believe I 
 fnall not retard her wifties j and ihould ihe 
 be ever fortunate enough to keep her coach, 
 and circulate her beheft among the bipeds 
 of the kitchen, no one can throw it in her 
 teeth, that her father was a tailor ! ! 
 
 Though WHITLEY did not give either 
 EDWIN or WAL DEC RAVE an engagement^ 
 he contrived to engage their attention at 
 
 VOL. I, L Bow-
 
 BOWDEN'S*, the theatric public houfe m 
 Manchefter during the courfe of their ftay 
 there, a perfon employed to deliver bills 
 for the next night, 'put one on the table, 
 which was constructed as follows : 
 
 THEATRE, MANCHESTER. 
 
 This prefent Monday, Nov. 26th, 1766. 
 By defire of Mrs. NUBES, 
 For the Benefit of 
 
 Mr. RICH, 
 
 Who refpeclfully informs his friends and the 
 public, that in confequence of his engage- 
 ment for the winter feafon at the Theatre 
 Royal, Edinburgh, his performance at 
 this place, intended only at firft for a cer- 
 tain number of nights, will terminate 
 to-morrow evening, when his patrons 
 will be prefented with 
 
 A PRELUDE, called 
 FUN upon FUN, 
 
 OR 
 WIT at a PINCH. 
 
 ; The father of the vocal performer of the fame naitie, 
 '-who performed two years fince at Covwit Garden 
 Theatre.
 
 ( '47 ) 
 
 Mr. WARREK, 
 Noddy Mr. LEIGHTON, 
 
 Gripeall : Mr. SAUNDERS, 
 
 Polly Mrs. W. SAUNDERS, 
 
 And Harry, (the intriguing foptman) by 
 Mr. RICH. 
 
 In which character he will transform him- 
 into a GIANT LIK.E STATUE of ALEXAN- 
 DER the GREAT, and a CHILD of Two 
 YEARS OLD ! ! ! 
 
 End of the Prelude a Song, by Mr. 
 
 WARWICK. 
 
 After which (by defire) will be performed 
 
 the admired Comedy of the 
 
 BEAUX STRATAGEM. 
 
 Archer ^ Mr. SAUNDERS. 
 
 Almwell Mr. COLLINS. 
 
 'Gibbet Mr. TYLAR. 
 
 Eonmface- Mr. DEVAULLE. 
 
 Sullen .Mr. W. SAUNDERS. 
 
 And Scrub by Mr. RICH. 
 
 In which character he will introduce a new 
 fong, defcribing to the audience, 
 
 O WHAT a BEAU 
 His GRANNy Was ! 
 L 2
 
 Dorlnda - Mrs. MILLS. 
 Chewy -- Mrs. GREMVILLE. 
 ' - Mrs. SMART. 
 
 Lad^ Bountiful Mrs. Lowe. 
 
 AND 
 
 Mrs. Sullen --Mrs. COLLINS. 
 
 To which. wiD be added, the Mufical enter- 
 tainment of 
 
 The BRITISH TAR 5 
 OR 
 
 THOMAS and SALLY. 
 
 The Sqpfae?. - Mr. TYLAR. 
 
 AND 
 
 Thomas, (the Sailor) Mr. RICH. 
 Dor fas, -- Mrs. MILLS, 
 
 AND 
 
 Sally - : - Mils. COLLINS. 
 
 A Hornpipe by Mr. LEXGHTON. 
 After the dance Mr. TYLAR -will attempt 
 the minuet in Ariadne, on a broomftick ; 
 in the manner of the late MATTHEW 
 SKEGGS after which a new fpeaking, 
 finging, comic, defcriptive and clafikal y 
 andcircumftantial Oration, called the 
 
 RlCHONJAN
 
 f '^ ) 
 
 RlCHONTAN BUDGET, 
 O R 
 
 PEEPING TOM'S ramble through Coventry, 
 humoroufly defctibing obfervadons in 
 his adventures through the Town and its 
 environs, &c. &c. 
 
 Pariuularfyy 
 
 The Rivers T o K and I s w E L L, 
 The MANCHESTER MANUFACTURES, 
 
 The COLLEGE, 
 The MARKET PLACE, 
 And the THEATRE, by 
 
 Mr. RICH. 
 The whole to conclude with an addrefs 9 in 
 
 which Mr. RICH will divulge a 
 MATRIMONIAL-SECRET; 
 
 O R 
 
 A new way to keep a Wife at home ! ! ! 
 
 N. B. On account of the length and 
 great variety of entertainments, Mr. RICH 
 pledges himfelf to the public, that the cur-- 
 tain lhall rife precifely at half pad fix, and 
 the whole of the performance conclude at 
 half pafl ten o'clock. 
 
 L 3 .. Mr.
 
 # % Mr. RICH refpectively begs leave 
 to inform his friends and the public, that he 
 has been anxioufly ftudious in the ielectiqn 
 of the above pieces he has endeavoured to 
 unite NOVELTY \vith ME.UT, and has in 
 c6nfequence of that determination fpare$ no 
 expence, in obtaining for them an unexcep- 
 tionable evening's entertainment the Play 
 is univerfally acknowledged to be the very 
 beftproduction of the celebratedFARQUAH AR, 
 and not inferior to the firft of our Englifli 
 Comedies for * delicate wit and true genuine 
 humour The PRZLUDF, he flatters him- 
 felfj will be found highly laughable; and tfie 
 local and defcri^tive humour, or Peeping 
 1'om s ramble, cannot fail to give an additional 
 zeft to the night's diverfion Mr. TYLAR'S 
 m'niuet is expected to give general fatis- 
 
 * Mr. RICH could not poffibly allude to a female 
 Comedy, for all the ladies from Mrs. BEHN down to Mrs. 
 COWLEY, who have written for the Enjlifh ftnge, have 
 been notorious for the freedom of their thoughts, and the 
 indelicacy of their language their invention feems fo 
 obedient to their fenfuafity, that t! e; want the ability 
 to create a jeft, not analogous to Hbeitinifm. 
 
 faflion.
 
 faction, as well as the addrefs and matr'.mo- 
 niatfecret. 
 
 The whole of the night's performance will 
 be fupported by the united ftrength of the 
 company. Mr. RICH prefumes to hope, 
 that his exertions on this occafion will 
 meet with that approbation and fupport, 
 which it will be his chiefeft pride to merit, 
 
 The way will be fwept to the The- 
 atre, and the Houfe illuminated with 
 wax. 
 
 N. B. It will be MOONLIGHT. 
 
 Tickets and places for the boxes to be 
 taken of Mr. RICH, at Mr. DIZZY'S Shoe- 
 maker, No. 31, Penny ftreet, and of Mr. 
 SLY, Box-keeper at the Theatre. 
 
 So much for a country play bill j the con- 
 
 fequence of which was a prodigious overflow 
 
 from ail parts of the Theatre, and Mr. 
 
 J, 4
 
 RICH the only perfon pleafed with tho 
 night's entertainment the ample premife 
 of the bill was literally the puff dirtcl: the 
 pieces announced were not half performed 
 the candles, inflead of wax, were made of 
 oflsenfive tallow the way to the Theatre 
 was in fome places over fhoes in mud, and 
 thofe who never confuit an Almanack, or 
 the.mouons of the luminous bodies in the 
 firmament, had the mortification, when 
 they came out of the play-houfe, to find it 
 was not moon-light. 
 
 The grofs impofitions of this night, did 
 confiderable injury to two or three fucceed- 
 ing benefits, which produced a difputc 
 between Mr. RICH and Mr. BALL the 
 Tragedian j the quarrel ended in a fight to 
 the difadvantage of the Comedian, and the 
 bufkin triumphed over the lock Mr. RICH 
 was led home with t\vo black eyes, hereto- 
 fore grey, and Mr. BALL kept the field, to 
 receive the congratulations of thole, who 
 thought themfelves obliquely infulted by Mr. 
 RICH and his long bill. 
 
 Although
 
 Although WH ITLLY was evermore garru- 
 lous, yet his profefiional document ieldora 
 had the propofed effect his performers con- 
 fideied talking much as an old man's privi- 
 lege, and did not refill his innoxious endea- 
 vours to be thought wifer than his neighbours 
 but the recommendatory axiom fell from 
 his tongue, like grain upon a rock, no pro- 
 duce iilued from the intended bleffing, in 
 ftiort, his company were a band of merry 
 ingrates, who imagined his advice, like the 
 philofophy of Bolingbroke, or the politics 
 of Machiavel, ruinous to [the object \vhq 
 embraced the fyilem. 
 
 EDWIN began to feel himfelf in an auk-r 
 ward fituation, out of employment, and 
 reding for the means of fubfiftence upon the 
 purfe of another ; to avoid which he engaged 
 in the performance of fome periodical pub- 
 lications, and affiiled Mr. HARRUP in rjie 
 Conducl of the 
 
 MANCHESTER MERCURY. 
 
 A
 
 C >J4 > 
 
 A man who has a lively fancy, cannot 
 indulge its dictates fo completely in any 
 fituation, as through the medium of a news- 
 paper ; to give a ilriking example of this 
 remavk, I will fubjoin fome inftances. In 
 one plsce we find the victory of a general, 
 in another the defertion of a private foldier : 
 A man who is by no means big enough for the 
 Gazette, may eafiiy creep into a common ad- 
 vertifement, by which means we often fee an 
 Apothecary in the fame paper v ith a Pleni- 
 potentiary, or a footman arranged with an 
 AmbaiTador a difafter in Piccadilly, goes 
 down to poflerity with an article front 
 Madrid j and Humphries and Mendoza, 
 Old Wigs ana the Chefhire-wag*on, are 
 mentioned in the fame paper with the 
 twelve Judges and the Emperor of Germany 
 if a man has an ach in his hend, or fpots 
 on his cloaths, he may there meet with an 
 antidote to pain, and a remedy for pollution 
 If a man would recover his wife, or a 
 horfe that is (lolen or flrayed, if he wants 
 new fermons, electuaries, affcs milk or a 
 country lodging, a newfpafper will procure 
 them all. 
 
 Among
 
 ( 155 ) 
 
 Among the wants in a newfpaper, the 
 following was interwoven Wanted for a 
 family who have bad health, a fober fteady 
 perfon in the capacity of Doctor, Surgeon, 
 Apothecary and Man midwife : he miift 
 occafionally aft in the capacity of Butler, drid 
 drefs hair and wigs : he will be required 
 to read prayers occafionally and a fermon 
 every Sunday evening the reafon cf 
 advertifing is, that the family cannot any 
 longer afford the expences of the phyficul 
 Jmtfr) and wifh to be at a certain expence, 
 A good falary will be given. 
 
 N. B. He will have the liberty to turn 
 a penny in any branch of his profeffion, 
 when not wanted in the family. Whoever 
 this may fuit, are defired to apply to X. Y. 
 Z. No. 1 6, Fludyer-ftreet, Wellminfter. 
 
 The eccentricity of the above notice, can 
 only be equalled by the whimficality of the 
 following. Lolt between light and dark, 
 Between fix and feven o'clock, from a houle 
 between Cheapfide and Cateaton-ilreet, 
 A young Woman, between feventeen and 
 
 eighteen,
 
 ( '56 ) 
 
 eighteen, between tall and fhort, between 
 plump and lean, her hair between chefnut 
 and auburn, in a changeable gown between 
 purple and yellow, fuppofed to be gone off 
 (between friends) with one IGNATIUS, a 
 Creole between black and white : as there has 
 been forrething between them of a particu- 
 lar nature, whoever can give an account of 
 her between this and Saturday next, to her 
 diftra&ed father, who is now between hope 
 and fear, fhall receive between ten, and 
 twenty pounds as a reward, 
 
 Pleafe to direct with any initials between 
 A and Z, to a houfe between Cheapfide 
 and King-ftreet, 
 
 A collection of advertifements is a kind 
 of national mifcellany, the writers of which, 
 contrary to the practice of mod authors 3 
 give money for the publication : the genius 
 of the printer is manifefted in the arrange- 
 ment of thefe little tracts of intelligence, and 
 you may often fee them in the following 
 order. 
 
 ^Every
 
 Every man his own Letter writer. 
 
 Every man his own Phyfician. 
 
 Every man his own Clergyman. 
 
 The complete Englifh Cook, with the art of 
 
 pickling. 
 
 An- immediate convenience for any Lady, 
 whofe fituation requires a temporary re- 
 tirement. 
 
 WANTS a place, as wet nurfe, in a. gen- 
 tleman's family, a- young woman with an 
 exceeding good breaft of milk. N. B. fhe 
 has been examined, and approved by the 
 faculty. 
 
 WANTED A. young man as footman, 
 he mud know how to Ihave and drefs hair, 
 fpeak the German, Italian, and French 
 languages with fluency j wait at table with 
 addrefs, and be well acquainted with the bu- 
 fmefs ofthefideboard wages ten pounds a 
 year with perquifites. 
 
 Any Lady under thirty years of age, who 
 is fweet. tempered and not too fat, and wifhes 
 to enter into the delightful ftate of matrimo- 
 ny, may hear of a partner, amiable in his 
 5 perfon,
 
 ( '53 ) 
 
 j?crf'>n, ?nd who is quite indifferent as to 
 the complexion of his wife, and other at- 
 tractive circumflances, by application to N* 
 O. at Mr. JAS*:Y'S Peruke maker, Little 
 Brhain. N. B. To prevent trouble, the 
 Lady mufl poffefs an independent fortune* 
 
 RATS and MICE extirpated from any 
 dwelling 'on moderate terms, by MARY 
 MUSCIPULA, Ratcatcher to the King of Po- 
 land. 
 
 H y G E i A s TEMPLE. 
 
 Any ..perfon afflicted \vit^ any diforder, 
 whether internal, external, abdominal, or 
 ^hereditary, may be irifl.antly relieved by- 
 fending their wa'jer in a bottle ( r j::ih a fet) 
 to DOCTOR DIACULUM on London v/d!. 
 
 N. B. No Cure no Pay. 
 
 By his Majefty's Royal Letters Patent > 
 this is to inform the nobility and Gentry, 
 that BARNABY PETITE, fole inventor of the 
 Dentiscalpa or Imperial TOOTH PICK, has 
 now a grest afifortrnent icady^for their ufe : 
 
 As
 
 As the importance and utility of thefc inge 
 niotiily conftructed inftruments has been 
 univerfally acknowledged, the adveriiibr 
 thinks it unneceffary to enlarge upon their 
 merits. 
 
 NOW IS YOUR TIME. 
 
 Fortune Favours the Bold. 
 
 At the old eftablilhed LOTTERY OFFICE, 
 Number one hundred and eleventy,Knave's- 
 acre, blanks and frizes are Ibid much 
 under the real value 
 
 By BRODERICK BLARNEY and Co. 
 
 N. B. By the way of encouragement to 
 young adventurers, fve hundred pounds will 
 be given away for nothing, and an undrawn 
 ticket to boot. 
 
 WANTED by one of thslroquois nations, 
 a Generalliffimo or cbfff he muft bring un- 
 qullionable proofs of his courage, and bs 
 
 able
 
 ( 160 ) 
 
 to throw the hatchet his nofe mud: 
 be aquiline his ftature fix feet and an inch, 
 his complexion tawny, and the colour of his 
 hair raven grey Whoever this may fuit, is 
 requefted to fend his addrefs to SPADO TO- 
 MAHAWK, at the fign of the Lion and Lamb 
 in 
 
 N* B. He niuft have no religious pre- 
 judices. And a Cock, a Butcher, or a Critic^ 
 would bfc moft welcome* 
 
 WANTED an c.grccalle companion for a pojt 
 chaljCy to go to Geneva he muft not weigh 
 more than eighteen Hone his difpofition 
 muft be placid and his morals irreproacha- 
 ble whoever this may fuit, is requefted to 
 leave his addrefs with PETER SOURCROUT, 
 Efq. who lodges at an undertaker's, juft be- 
 fore you get to Pall MalL 
 
 N. B. He mud not fleep in the chaife, 
 be a good Geographer, and take fnuff. 
 
 LOST
 
 LOST on Sunday laft in the Green Park, 
 a black Greyhound, with a white fpot on 
 the left ear, and a tail about three inches in 
 length; whoever brings it to the COUNTESS 
 ofKiLKUBRY, in Cavendifh Square, fhall 
 receive five guineas reward. 
 
 LOST, a Child about four years of age j 
 he had on a white frock, a blue fafh, red 
 fhoes and filver clafps ; whoever brings him 
 to his difconfolate parents, at No. 17, 
 Turnagain Lane, Cripplegate, fhall receive 
 their moft grateful thanks. 
 
 Ex pfde hercukm : from this fpecimen, the 
 reader may be enabled to judge of that vaft 
 mafs of multifarious abfurdity, which is daily- 
 offered to the infatiate appetite of JOHN 
 BULL but he is a docile, credulous brute, 
 xvho gorges his food without examining its 
 quality, and like a mufcular drunkard, 
 hopes to elude a confequent ficknefs by the 
 force of a flrong conflitution. 
 
 Perhaps it may not be deemed either 
 
 irrelative or impertinent, if I annex a cor- 
 
 VOL. I. M reft
 
 reft lift of all the daily newfpapers now in 
 circulation in this metropolis. 
 
 DAILY NEWSPAPERS. 
 
 The DIARY, The ORACLE, The MORN- 
 ING CHRONICLE, The WORLD, The 
 TIMES, The MORNING TOST, The HE- 
 RALD, The GENERAL ADVERTISER, The 
 GAZETTEER, The PUBLIC ADVERTISER, 
 The ARGUS, The DAILY ADVERTISER^ 
 The LEDGER, and the STAR. 
 
 And though the inconfiftency of our na- 
 tional chara&er is rendered fo confpicuous 
 to foreigners, through the medium of the 
 public prints, it is equally notorious in the 
 ipirit of our laws*. By their unjuftifiable 
 
 inter- 
 There are not wanting thofe who boldly affirm, that 
 the laws'of this country are unexceptionable in every point 
 of view, and who arrogantly would hold them forth to 
 the world as examples of perfeft legiflation thofe who 
 bend to all fupremacy, whether well or ill eftablifned, 
 may yield up their experience to the fallacy of intercfted 
 opinion,. but of that number am not I we have mifeiy- 
 frairght inftances daily, when honeft mea are facrificed to 
 
 the
 
 interpretation the impulfc of honor becomes 
 a ferious evil, and though we are taught to 
 nurture it in our youth as a beautiful com- 
 panion, we have the regret to find, that in 
 many fituations, its dictates are pernicious: 
 and proves fomewhat like the influence of 
 the fun, whofe beams firft mature the grape 
 and then four its juices I fhould be happy 
 to know how a man, who wiflies well to foci- 
 ety and bows obedient to the laws, can pafs 
 through the ranks of focial life with peace 
 
 the inexplicable jargon of what the profefibrs term the 
 letter of the law, while the moft confummate villains can 
 crouch fecurely under its magical prote6tion, and fmile at 
 the wrilhiHgs of virtue The a'ntient, intolerable power 
 \vhich the pricjl formerly excrcifed over the afinine million, 
 is now ufurped by the lawyer he goads the hamlet at his 
 pleafure, and riots unchecked, becaufe he is too formida- 
 ble for common refinance he can beggar without re- 
 proof the Orphan in the Nurfery, and the Widow in her 
 Weeds he can be infamous without rcfponiibility, be- 
 caufe the mazes of the law are impervious, even to the eye 
 of wifdom and that human atrocity might exift without 
 reproach, it has been gravely afTerted and vehemently 
 upheld, that TRUTH is A LIBEL, thereby deftroyinj, 
 the refentrr.cnt and the advantages of moral dignity our 
 lifter kingdom has fpurned at the monftrous abfurdity, 
 but JOHN BULL is a vile apathifed beaft, that every info- 
 lent defpot may Lick from Kent to Cornwall! 
 
 M 2 Of
 
 of mind, when our flatutes and our cuftomS 
 are hoftHe to each other on the one hand, 
 honor rigoroufty condemns the man who 
 patiently fubmits to the lie taken - } on the 
 other, our courts of judicature i flue their 
 thunders againft any revenge taken for the 
 lie given by the law of arms he is degraded 
 who puts up an affront by the civil law, he 
 that adopts vengeance incurs a capital pu- 
 nifhment He that feeks redrefs by the law 
 for an affront infures difgrace and he that 
 feeks redrefs by his arm is liable to die pe.- 
 rialties of the law. 
 
 Under fuch contradictory circumftances, 
 who can do right in a fea fo incumbered 
 by breakers, who can fleer the helm of his 
 happinefs with fecurity , ? 
 
 For fuch ills we are indebted to the pro- 
 grefs of refinement in the earlier ages fo-r 
 ciety moved in a fimple manner; and what 
 we underftand by the term Luxury, was 
 then unknown Rachd, Rebecca, and the 
 daughters of Jethro tended their father's 
 flocks- they were really iheperdefies, artlefs 
 
 as
 
 f 165 ) 
 
 as thofe of whom Theocritus has fo inimi- 
 tably fung in whofe days young women of 
 faihion drew water from the well with their 
 own hands UlyfTes was not afhamed to 
 carve and decorate his bridal bed, and Pe- 
 nelope never thought her hero's glory was 
 diminiihedj becaufe he condefcended to be 
 his own carpenter-^-the princefs Naufica 
 wafhed the linen of her family at a brook, 
 and the princes her brothers were accuftom- 
 ed to wait for her return to unyoke the car, 
 and carry in the wet drapery even the fe- 
 minine deities in the proudefr, periods of 
 paganifm, pafled their moments in fpinning, 
 and it was probably from this caufe that the 
 young women of Great Britain are denomi- 
 nated fpinfters. 
 
 In our days ambition erects her garifli 
 banners in every town and village of the 
 kingdom, and pride impels the peafant to 
 tread upon the heels of the peer Every 
 woman we meet expects to be diftinguilhed 
 by the appellation of Lady, which is now 
 generally conferred on all females, from a 
 duchefs to a dairy-maid it is not unufual 
 M 3 to
 
 ( 166 ) 
 
 to hear the following polite colloquy in the 
 upper gallery of a theatre : 
 
 " Don't lean over that there ladj, fir. '* 
 " Damme, what's the ladj to me, fir ?" 
 
 The lamp-lighter, duft man, the fhoe- 
 black and the porter, who rove on a Sunday 
 with their fpoufes to dine at Mother Red 
 Cap's on the Highgate road, 
 
 <; Vont touch no \vlttles 'till the ladies is helpt." 
 
 Every woman on the fabbath, however 
 mean her condition, confiders herfelf as le- 
 gally entitled to fuch honors, and never fails 
 to Ihew fymptons of mortification, if Ihe is 
 not dignified as a lady; having ftudied the 
 vocabulary of affeftation, flie imagines it is 
 polite to fcrew up her mouth, till the aper- 
 ture refembles a fmall purie, and then 
 mumbles thus ; 
 
 Mem purdigious veaiily axquifitc 
 My flars and garters its quite the Bung-tun." 
 
 And
 
 And many other words equally well pro- 
 nounced, and equally well applied*. 
 
 I confider human nature as a large volume 
 of humourous contrarieties, and in which 
 caprice and folly have interlined the argu- 
 ments of morality obfervation has an end- 
 lefs field in this town the oppofition of 
 character is marvellous fome people fpeak 
 
 :; ' I fhall here annex a proof, that a deviation from the 
 common mode of expreffion, is fometimes attended with 
 the beft effects to the inventor there was a trial in Guild- 
 hall, about an affray that happened in the ftreet, a few 
 years fince,before Lord MANSFIELD theprincipal witnefs 
 was an adept in that fort of language, which the young 
 ladies and gentlemen of Broad St. Giles term Jiang he 
 thus addrefled the bench 1 ' Vy, my LORD, as I vas 
 coming by the corner of the ftreet, \flaggedt\\e man" 
 " Pray," faidLop.D MANSFIELD, " be fo kind, as to in- 
 form me what yon mean by flagging a man'' *' Stfigg'tng t 
 my Lord ! vy d'ye fee I was down uptn him"-" I confefs 
 I am now as much in the dark as ever; what can you in- 
 tend by being d^-^i upon him ? do fpcak to be underftood" 
 " Vy, an ple.ife your Lordfhip, I fpeaks as veil as I can, 
 I vas up to all be knew" " Pflia !" faid the judge " vel 
 then my Lord, I'll tell you how it vas'' "Aye, now do" 
 " Vy, feeing, my Lord, as how he vas a rum kiddy, I 
 vas one upon his tao>"-~In fhort, he was hurried out of 
 court, and the trial becr.nie incomplete from the acquired 
 habits of vulgarity, 
 
 M 4 be-
 
 before they think others carefully flitdy 
 every thing they utter Young ladies who 
 read novels commonly abound in the fub- 
 joined phrafes. 
 
 BY the BY, 
 
 AND IN SHORT, 
 AND THE "WHOLE AFFAIR IS THIS. 
 
 Such nymphs exprefimg their thoughts, 
 pratethus: " Injhort, fir, I found Mr. TULIP 
 troublefome, I wanted to get away, but by 
 the bye, he would not let me : for the whole 
 affair is this ; by the bye y I have fome obli- 
 gations to him, which in Ihort made me 
 put up with his behaviour : fo that you find 
 the whole affair was neceflity : which in 
 Jhortt by the bye, was the whole affair. 
 
 Many of the fprigs of humanity, bipedal 
 parrots, Petite Maitres or pretty fellows, 
 interlard their converfation with a continual 
 repetition of the words, 
 
 D'YE SEE, 
 
 Ona
 
 One of thofe animals, giving a defcrip- 
 tion of a rencontre in Long-acre, between 
 two barrow-women, faid, " D'ye fee now, 
 as how, that the two women had been, 
 righting and abufing one another a long time 
 d'ye fee, at laft the leaft of the two d'ye fee, 
 threw fomething in the other's eyes d'ye fee, 
 and fo fhecou'dn't fee d'ye fee?" " Yes, 
 continued a pedantic gentleman, by way or 
 illuftration, who always fpoke as if on ftilts, 
 and had been a dictionary worm from his 
 cradle -, the forked animal who had the 
 worft of the battle was knocked down, 
 and no one chufing to interfere, fhe was left 
 expofed to the circumambient air, which 
 prefling on the perfpiratory duels, coagula- 
 ted the juices, andoccalior.eda cadaveroiity." 
 
 Thus is our tongue tortured mifnomers 
 multiplied, and our patience purgatorifed 
 but I will drop digreiTicn* and return to my 
 .biographical labours. 
 
 EDWIN, who had been indifpofed during 
 his whole ftay at Manchester, feeling himfelf 
 every day become worfe, was obliged to 
 
 keep
 
 ('70 ) 
 
 keep at home, and what was more difagree- 
 ble to his feelings, dependent' upon the 
 purfe of WALDEGR^VE for fupport and 
 this regret was redoubled, by W ALOE- 
 GRAVE'S making fome ungenerous remarks 
 to EDWIN, on his embarraffing fituation, 
 and frequently told him that he muft inevi- 
 tably die As the Prince of burlettas was 
 ever above an aft of meannefs, fuch taunts 
 from his colleague were infupportable he 
 was refolved to fhake him from his friend- 
 fhip, as foon as he was enabled to repay the 
 money he had borrowed, and Hygeh, as if 
 ready to fecond his refolution, removed the 
 caufe of malady from his veins, and he re- 
 covered almoft immediately, as if in defi- 
 ance of WALDEGRAVE'S difpiriting predic- 
 tion. 
 
 A young gentleman of the town furnilh- 
 ed EDWIN with a fmall fum of money, with 
 which he repaid his aflbciate and left his 
 lodgings, at Mrs. DODD'S, a public houfe 
 on Shnde hill, Manchefter, on Saturday 
 morning the 2yth of December, 1776.
 
 ( I/I ) 
 
 Now mom, her rofy fteps in the Eaftern climr, 
 Advancing, fow'd the earth with orient pearl. 
 
 When the difcomfited EDWIN, tied up 
 his rare habiliments in a fmall pocket hand- 
 kerchief, the knot of which he attached to 
 the hook of a crab flick, which he refted 
 upon his right Ihoulder, and then hurried 
 from the confines of the town with as much 
 precipitation, as difcretion warrants to the 
 pedeftrian in a ftate of convalefcence when. 
 he had journied peaceably, if not joyoufly, 
 about twenty miles, in the hope of getting 
 an engagement as an aclor, he difcovered 
 that he had made a fmall miftake which had 
 nearly proved ruinous, being fo reftridted 
 in point of calh This error originated in 
 his forgetting the name of the town where 
 the company of Comedians were and an 
 evil liar governing the hour, the unlucky 
 infant of Momus went to Northwich in- 
 (lead of Nantwich ; both being equally dif- 
 tant from Manchefter, though they were not 
 equally welcome to his expectations. This 
 difappointment, added to his weak ftate of 
 body, difheartened EDWIN very much > 
 
 however
 
 ( '7* ) 
 
 however, he croffed a foreft in the vicinity 
 the ne^t day and got to Chefter, where he 
 neftled at Mrs. SMITH'S, the Ship, in Water- 
 gate ftreet. In this abode he remained three 
 days-^-on the fourth, walked to Wrexham 
 put up at thefign of the Cannon, a little pub- 
 lic houle, where a nice bit of roaft Welch 
 mutton waited his acceptance, and the civi- 
 lities of the landlord and landlady, with their 
 agreeable, though rufticated converfation, 
 made the comic traveller extremely happy 
 till bed time 4n the paroxyfm of their dif- 
 courfe, EDWIN did not fail to make unlimi- 
 ted ufe of the mandevilian privilege of fub- 
 orning the marvellous to his imagination, 
 and as he found that the kind hoft and 
 hoftefs of the Cannon had never been in or 
 near the metropolis, bounced not a little upon 
 its beauties and its properties he told them 
 that the national debt was nine hundred 
 thoufand millions, feven hundred, and fixty 
 four pounds eight {hillings and fourpence 
 That the vileft utenfil of my Lord Mayor 
 was made of burnifhed gold that every 
 alley was as wide as the high ftreet of Wrex- 
 ham that a cobler got more money than 
 5 a Den-
 
 a Denbyfhire juftice, and every body wore 
 fine linen and kept open^houiV but even thij 
 firing of extravagances were not either too 
 coarfe in their texture, or too palpable in 
 their deformed features, for the credulous 
 and capacious fancies of the Welchmanand 
 his yoke fellow, who conftantly chorufled in 
 unifon, every account of the wonders of 
 London, by the fimple exclamation of Cot 
 plefs hur ! ! ! 
 
 When the day became fickened, and was 
 near giving up the ghoft when the ena- 
 moured Onus was flealing away iti filenc 
 pomp adown the weftern cloud when the 
 Antipodes were ringing up their dorneftics, 
 to prepare the breakfaft at the approach of 
 morn when the pulfes of Thetis beat 
 quick, while her coral chamber was dimly 
 illuminated with diftant fiaflies from her 
 lover's eye, who was riding poll to her em- 
 braces to be brief, at the approach of 
 night, as EDWIN was quaffing his ale in a cor- 
 ner, his ears were faluted with the concord of 
 fweet founds which iflfued from a neighbour- 
 ing room the event was not myfterious 
 
 there
 
 ( 174 ) 
 
 there the niece of the hoft of the Cannoa 
 was fcouring her trenchers, and wooden 
 fpoons, and to prove how little fhe valued 
 time or his adminiftration, fung it away 
 -with an indifference truly philofophic 
 the ravifhed EDWIN could not retain his 
 filence his admiration was paramount, 
 and he aftonifhed the brown wench thus 
 
 Sure fomething holy lodges in that breaft, 
 And with thofe raptures moves the vocal air, 
 To teftify his hidden refidence. 
 How fwcetiy did they float upon the wings 
 Of (ilence ! Thus the empty vaulted night, 
 At every fall, fir.oothing the raven down 
 Of darknefs till it fmil'd 
 
 The effect of this exclamation was not 
 propitious to his wifhes the girl fcudded 
 away in affright, and the lord and lady of 
 the auberge dared at the unrazored Rofcius 
 in fuch a manner, as plainly conveyed an 
 idea that they imagined his underftanding 
 \vas imperfect as this incident tended to 
 cool that warmth of communication ex- 
 hibited at their firft interview, the player 
 retired within himfelf fomewhat fulkily, and 
 fat immerfed in thought, until a general 
 yawn fignified it vras bed time. 
 
 ' The
 
 ( 175 ) 
 
 " The curfew toll'd the knell of parting day." 
 
 And EDWIN bowed obedient to the 
 fummons he fought the oblivious couch 
 fhook off the incumbrances of his perfon 
 extinguifhed the narrow taper leapt be- 
 tween the fheets manufactured by the rofeate 
 nymphs of Cambria, from remnants of 
 coarfe dowlas uttered a prayer of thanks- 
 giving to his Creator then an invocation 
 to Somnus, and turning upon the dexter 
 fide of his fatigued frame, would have flept 
 incontinently, but the nocturnal gambols 
 of the mice in the cheefe clofet, and the rats 
 upon the floor, forbid the completion of fo 
 enviable a bleffing At two a clock in the 
 morning, a number of thefe wall-boring 
 quadrupeds from Norway, had affembled 
 in the comedian's chamber, and from the 
 force of loud fqueeking in different dif- 
 cordant notes, threw the affrighted fon of 
 Thefpis into a flate of violent trepidation 
 Jn thofe intervals when his reafon had 
 nearly fubdued his terrors, he praclifed a 
 variety of arts to banifh fuch unwelcome 
 inmates ; firft he took up the Jordan, and 
 flealing to the fpot where the congrefs 
 4 feemed
 
 ( 176) 
 
 Teemed mod numerous, emptied it upon 
 the collective body this manoeuvre had a 
 temporary efrecl only, as the rats returned 
 to their charge in ten minutes, with accu- 
 mulated force he then adopted another 
 iKuriciuiau meafure, and deftroyed the 
 h.irmony of a nuptial catch, by throwing 
 the pillows with all the force he could, 
 where the four-footed minftrelshad cluttered 
 thicken; this expedient was ruinous to 
 the concert, but did not anfwer the defired 
 purpofe the rats recovered their ranks, 
 and, as if in contempt of EDWIN'S indig- 
 nation, began their revels again with more 
 infernal triumph than before Both thefe 
 devices having mifcarried, the perturbed 
 adherent to Thalia, gave himfelf up to 
 defpair his corporeal juices ifTued from 
 every pore his fhort fnirt fir ft became 
 humid, and then wet the bed-frame fnook 
 under him, for he thought that fomething 
 preternatural influenced the rats to fhake 
 his repofe, and he certainly would have 
 fainted, if his guardian genius had not fug- 
 gefted a timely effort of cunning this fug- 
 geftion was to borrow the vocal organs of 
 
 a cat.
 
 ( '77 ) 
 
 a cat EDWIN luckily was not unhappy at 
 imitation he mewed three times firft, 
 Piano, fecondly, in alto, and thirdly, in 
 veca alto the firfl effay alarmed the 
 fecond divided the grand body, and the 
 third drove them all with precipitation from 
 the precincts of his little white-wafhed 
 recefs. 
 
 Relieved from intruders and overpowered 
 with toil, our hero funk into reft, and was 
 very happy to find on a thorough examin- 
 ation the next morning, that his perfon 
 was unwounded, and his portable pTopertiet 
 entire. 
 
 When he defcended at break of day into 
 the kitchen of the welch Hotel the land- 
 lord met him with a kind falutation, and 
 enquired with much folicitude, how he had 
 retted the preceding night As EDWIN had 
 received no bodily injury, and did not 
 mean to repeat the trial, he thought it a* 
 well to appear fatisfied as otherwife The 
 tea apparatus being difplayed upon a round 
 deal table, almoft white by tjje rubbings of 
 
 VOL, I, N cleanlinef*,
 
 ( '78 ) 
 
 cleanlinefs, including feme oaten 
 and a pan of Irifh butter, he fat down with 
 the lord of the manfion and his ruddy 
 mate, and after drinking nine cups of die 
 diilillation of Souchong, and eating three 
 flices from the hufky loaf, each one inch 
 and a half in thicknefs, called for his bill, 
 which run precifely thus, 
 
 s. d. 
 
 Roaft Mutton ---06 
 Bread ------ o I 
 
 Apple-pye - - - -03 
 
 Three pints of Ale --06 
 Tobacco ----- o I 
 
 Brandy - - - --oi| 
 
 Toafted Chcefe - - - o I 
 
 Bed 03 
 
 Breakfaft --.--04 
 
 The amount of this bill, though feemingljr 
 reafonable and cheap, was confidered then 
 as fmgularly exorbitant The irafcible ven- 
 der of ale and cheefe, at the Cannon, being 
 
 a repu-
 
 ( '79 ) 
 
 a reputed mifer, who would refufe credit to 
 the Curate,jif he had not wherewith to pay*. 
 
 Though Wrexham can only be con- 
 fidered as hanging upon the fkirts of Wales, 
 it then partook of the proverbial cheapnek 
 of that mountainous extremity of Britain ; 
 where EDWIN had board and lodging of 
 the beft fort for fo fmall a confideration 
 as five fhillings a week, and has feen in- 
 ftances of people refident in fome of the 
 interior parts, whofe feveral incomes have 
 not been more than twenty pounds a year, 
 in as much feeming comfort and propriety 
 of life, as others in London on the annual 
 expenditure of one hundred and fifty but 
 Wales, like the reft of the kingdom, has, 
 fince that period, received the baneful 
 approaches of Luxury, and confsquently 
 
 * It has been confidently affirmed as marvellous proofs 
 of the efficacy of avarice, that Foote unneceflarily en- 
 tlured an amputation^ to procure a patent from the late 
 DUKE of YORK, and that an Irifh failor, who wanted 
 Jome money to go to Dublin, actually received thirty 
 pounds at Portfinouth, to be fliot the next day in the 
 place of ADMIRAL BYNG. 
 
 N 2 loft
 
 loft much of its ancient funplicity of man,' 
 ners ; for Luxury may increafc the expence, 
 but never adds to the felicity of the in- 
 dividual. 
 
 The bill being paid a faddle horfe prcv 
 cured, and the unaffected bleffing of the 
 hoft and his wife administered EDWIN 
 jjeftrode his Bucephalus, on the firft day of 
 January 1767, turned the nofe of his fteed 
 towards Ofweftry, and rode off in the ar- 
 dent expectation of meeting Mr. HEATON'S 
 Company the ianguine comedian arrived 
 fafe at Ofweftry, but did not meet with th* 
 object of his fearch, Mr. HEATOX, with 
 all his fuite, having left the place a few 
 weeks before. 
 
 EDWIN- laid claim to the offices of hof- 
 pitality in the houfe of a Mr. GRIFFITH, 
 who fold good liquor, by the virtue of a 
 licence, at the fign of the Woolpack There 
 was a vifible hauteur in the mien of Mr. 
 GRIFFITH a certain oftentatious grandnefs 
 of manner, which EDWIN thought detri- 
 mental to his purpofcs to ibften or remove 
 
 that
 
 that illegitimate fpecies of dignity, the 
 raw and ragged follower of the mufes adop- 
 ted an expedient, which has been pra&ifed 
 fuccefsfully by numerous great men, in the 
 hour of necefiity, from Plato to PFPPER 
 ARDEN- this humanizing medium was 
 flattery* dele&able, ruinous flattery, whofc 
 pernicious influence defpoils the virgin of 
 her purity, and the ftatefman of hi* ho- 
 nour Illiberality of his pence, and def- 
 peration of his pang it operates like an. 
 indiftincl: delegate of omnipotence turns 
 the ftream of human affections, and makes 
 our prejudice fubordinate to our abhorrence. 
 
 He 
 
 "When GA RR ic K returned from Italy, he prepared aa 
 addrefs to the audience, which he delivered to the play 
 he firft appeared in. When he came upon the fbge, 
 he was welcomed with tbree loud plaudits, each finifhiny: 
 with a huzza. When this unprecedented applaufe bad 
 nearly fubfided, he ufed .every art to lull the tumult 
 into a profound filence, and, juft as all was huflred as 
 death, and anxious expectation fat on every face, old 
 CARVETTO, who was better known by the appellation 
 of NOSEY, anticipated the firft line of the addrefs by 
 aw aw a moft tremendous yawn. A convulfion of 
 Jaughter enfued, and it was then fome minutes before the 
 wifhtd-for filence could be again reftored. That, however, 
 ft 3 obtained,
 
 He continued in this retreat a few 
 days, during which time he wrote to Mr. 
 HEATON, who was then with his troop of 
 meny-rnen, atBewdley, in Worcefterftiire, 
 
 obtained GARRICK delivered his addrefs with hi* 
 wonted fafcination of manner, and retired with ap- 
 plaufe, fuch as was never better given or deferved but 
 the matter did not reft here The moment he came off 
 the ftage, he flew like the lightning's flam to the mufiq 
 room, u here., collaring the aftonifhed NOSEY, he began to 
 abufe him moft vociferoufly " Wha why you old 
 fcoundrel you muft be the moft infernal' 7 at length 
 poor CARVETTO " oh Miftera GARRICK ! vat is the 
 matter vat I haf do oh God vat is it :'' " The matter ! 
 whyyouold,damned,eternal, fenfelefs ideot with no more 
 brains than your cnrfed bafs viol -juft at the a very 
 moment I had played with the audience tickled them 
 'ike a trout, and brought them to the moft accommo- 
 dating filence as pat to my purpofc fo perfect that it 
 was, as one may fay, a companion for MILTON'S viiible 
 darknefs juft at that critical moment did not you, 
 \vith your damned jaws fti etched wide enough to iwallow 
 a peck loaf yaw -yawn and be curft to you? Oh I wifli 
 from my foul you had never fhut your brown jaws 
 again" " Sare, Miftera GARRICK, Sare only if you 
 pleafe hear me von vord it is alvay the vay it is indeed, 
 Miftera GARRICK, alvay the vay I go when I haf the. 
 jreateft rapture, Miftera GARRICK" CARVETTO'S fiat" 
 tery fubdued GARRICK'S anger, and the fuppofed offence 
 ranifhed with the inftant ! 
 
 for
 
 for an engagement, and money to bear his 
 expences to the feat of war, 
 
 At the expiration of four days, time 
 brought both, and the demands of Mr. 
 GRIFFITH being fatisfied, he mounted his 
 garron once more on the loth of the fame 
 month, and fet out for Shrewsbury, accom- 
 panied by his landlord; they arrived at this 
 magazine of Shrop(hire, at the ufual hour 
 of dinner -the weather being very cold and 
 frofty, and EDWIN unblefs'd with boots, he 
 was obliged to continue longer at Shrewf- 
 bury than he intended, to reftore his facul- 
 ties to their proper tone, and recover the 
 ufe of his languid limbs* 
 
 It was almoft dark when the fhattered 
 appendage of comedy had refolved to con- 
 tinue his rout; but a long ride in the dark 
 through roads he had never feen before, and 
 a crofs a country whofe geography he knew 
 not, brought him at laft to the fign of the 
 Shoulder of Mutton, at Bridgnorth, 
 
 N 4. A man
 
 A man had been difpatched on foot from 
 Shrew/bury, an hour before the player be- 
 gan his journey, for the purpofe of bringing 
 back the horfe EDWIN not only found 
 ' that man on his arrival, but a good fire, and 
 all thofe variegated complexions of comfort 
 with which Plenty ever beautifies the 
 dwelling fhe has bleft He furveyed the ap- 
 purtenances of the inn with a finile his 
 warm fancy anticipated a good fupper and 
 a fofc bed; and he ruminated on what was 
 to enfue, 'till ideal pleafure triumphed over 
 the rude imprefTions of toil. 
 
 The fum total of the bill at the Shoulder 
 of Mutton, drew the laft marvedi from ED- 
 WIN'S purfe of choices, he had but two 
 left, either to remain pennylefs at Bridg- 
 north, or to feek Bewdley on foot he em- 
 braced the latter, and after rambling many 
 miles, frequently up to the knees in fnow, 
 with no other defence for his legs but a pair 
 of white filk ftockings darned three inches 
 above the flioe, eventually faw with incon- 
 ceivable delight the fpires of Bewdley ri- 
 fing above the circumvolving fmoke The
 
 gladdening object reinvigorated his nervous 
 fyfrem he added fpeed to his will, and in 
 a quarter of an hour fcrapcd :he Ihov/ from 
 his $antoufles at the threfhold of the Talbot, 
 L an inn of the fecond quality at. Bewdley, 
 and kept at that period by a Mr. HAD- 
 DOCKS, where he remained a few Hours in 
 date to receive the cuftomary congratula- 
 tions of the fir oil ing manager, and ibme of 
 the principal performers on his arrival. 
 
 When the comic deputation entered the 
 room of the inn, EDWIN received them 
 with naked legs, (his filk hofe, the only 
 pair he had, being then under the -hands of 
 the BlancbeceiiJJe, to be purified and embla- 
 zoned againft the next morning) -a face as 
 fliarp as a regimental razor at the horfc- 
 guards, and a liquifying nofe, the tip of 
 which had been tinted with a deep blue by 
 the bufy minions of Boreas. 
 
 After mutual enquiries between the ma- 
 nager and the dependant, as to the ftate of 
 the company the difpofitiort of the towns- 
 people, and the ability of the candidates, 
 
 the
 
 ( 186 ) 
 
 the part of SCRUB was feleded as the moil 
 proper for EDWIN'S firfl appearance before 
 the critical auditory of Bewdley The next 
 day was fixed for the awful debut, and our 
 laugh-infpiring adventurer had the fublime 
 fatisfaction of adminiftering pleafure to a 
 matchlefs concourfe of fome fixty perfons in 
 a large barn ; and the fingular honor to re- 
 ceive the compliments of Mr. LOOK, a 
 xmfter baker, who was not only efteemed 
 as the bed critic in the place, but likewife 
 as a man who could read Latin, make verfes. 
 to Chloe as well as the laureat, and more- 
 over, a great politician, and an excellent 
 bruifer. 
 
 While EDWIN remained under the 
 aufpices of Mr. HEATON, he was made, as 
 the aftors phrafe it, ufeful y and aflumed all 
 characters of all defcriptions in tragedy, 
 comedy, opera, farce, pantomine, interlude, 
 prelude, et cetera, and enacted without 
 compunction or lhame, BAJAZET, HOB, 
 and CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGUS on the fame 
 
 night,
 
 night.* In all which he had the good for- 
 tune to equal the expectations of thofe 
 drama-loving bumkins, among whom, 
 difcernment was not eminently notorious. 
 
 EDWIN continued for three weeks at 
 Bewdley, without being able to put a finglc 
 ihilling in his pocket, to operate as a charm 
 againftthe visitation of the devil The audi- 
 tors in the barn, became every evening lefs 
 in point of numbers the ftate of the Com- 
 pany's treafury was truly lamentable the 
 countenance of every performer was length- 
 ened an inch by defperation The Mana- 
 ger's note of hand would not pafs current 
 for twopence the poifoned bowl and dag- 
 ger were carefully hid from the hungry 
 claimants atrehearfal, and ED WIN exclaimed 
 
 * When the late Mr. KNIPE, well known for the 
 height of his perfon, and the lownefs of his intellect, was 
 engaging performers for the country, the late celebrated 
 Mr. BARRY, afked him jocularly, if he could give him an 
 engagement " No," replied KNIPE, u I could not 
 afford you a half-fhare you are nobody you could not 
 play OTHELLO and JOBSON, on the fame evening with- 
 out a murmur," 
 
 when
 
 when he dflineatcd his diftrefTes at Bewdly^ 
 like Srtirr in the MINOR, 
 
 " In a word, Sir, I ftudied and ftarved, 
 
 *' Impoverifhed my body, and pampered my mind.* 
 
 The climax of human - calamities, ever 
 leads to fome liimmit or another, and when 
 we have been dragged willy-nilly to that 
 height, by the progrefs of misfortune, the 
 greatnefs of our charar.er is determina- 
 ble by the Hand we make then againft die 
 preflure of deftruction EDWIN had ar- 
 rived at that fummit, but his confident inge- 
 nuity prevented him from falling One 
 morning, while he was ftudying the part of 
 SHARP in the LYING VALET, without coin 
 in his pocket or peace in his mind, the fear- 
 let- nofed hod of the Talbot, gave a gentle 
 tap at the door of his apartment EDWIN 
 gave him admiffion, and laboured to wel- 
 come the Bonniface of Bewdley with a fmile, 
 though his knowledge of the nature of the 
 vifit, palfied his very heart. 
 
 " A fine day, Landlord," faid EDWIN.
 
 tf Yes, yes, the day is well enough, but 
 we'll talk about bufmefs if you pleafe," faid 
 the fhamefaced hoil, fcratching with his 
 left hand a little tuft of black hair, which 
 peeped beneath the penthoufe of his brown 
 wig. 
 
 " Ihope, Mr. EDWIN, that you'll not be o* 
 fended at what I am going to fay ; but ha- 
 ving a bill to pay of a large amount, if you 
 will difcharge the little matter between you 
 and me, I fhall be glad I muft make up a 
 fum againft to-morrow, and hope you'll not 
 be offended at my requeft." 
 
 Offended, faid the other, (fupprefiing a 
 deep figh, at his infufficiency) why in God's 
 naras fhould I b offended is it not your 
 due your right and what 1 fhouJd have 
 offeretf you want money you fay- curl? 
 it, it's unlucky, that I can't fupply you at 
 prefent ! but here's my purfe you fee, by 
 the bye, as empty as an hiftorian's ftomach 
 in Paternofter row but as my refoui ces are 
 certain, fuppofe we fix on next Friday- 
 Well, Friday be it, replied the keeper of the 
 5 Talbot
 
 Talbot Till then percifely at 1 2 o'clock; re- 
 joined EDWIN, your fancy may anticipate 
 enjoytrient, for at the meridian of that day 
 lhall your bar room till receive the fum to- 
 tal of your moderate demand* God blefs 
 you, mafter, faid the Landlord, retreating from 
 the chamber and you too, added trre Co- 
 median* and if ever you want money, do not 
 ufe any ceremony with a friend^ but apply 
 to me Thus did our hero parry the thrufts 
 of neceffity, and they were fo well directed 
 to the feelings, that the credulous Innkeeper 
 of Bewdley, beheld the fum in imagination 
 with as much felicity, as an old maid after 
 marriage feels, on furveying her firft child 
 or an old horfe eating watergrafs or a 
 
 * The late TOM WESTON, btlng in a ftrolling com- 
 pany in Sulfex, when the fuccefs was even Lfs than mode- 
 rate, ran up a bill of three (hillings with his Landlord, 
 
 who fold rufly bacon, as things looked fnfpicioufly, 
 
 the hog vender waited upon the Comedian, and infifted 
 upon having his money immediately " Make yourfelf 
 eafy, my honeft fellow,' 1 faid WESTON," for by the Gods 
 I will pay you this night in fome fhape or another." *' See 
 you do, MASTER WESTO.V," retorted the landlord furlily, 
 " d'ye hear, let it be as rough in the fhapc of three fhil- 
 lings as poflible." 
 
 yowng
 
 ( 19' ) 
 
 young Comedian, rehearfmg a lame jeft 
 or a Taylor reading the death of a Princefs 
 or a prime Minifter corrupting a country 
 gentleman 
 
 Thofe who have not ftudied the curvet- 
 tings of fociety may think that EDWIN'S li- 
 beral declaration was fafhioned by fincerity 
 but if fuch there are, they will be mifled 
 - no human event was more diftant from 
 the mind of man, than the completion of 
 this promife but I will not be mifunder- 
 ftood EDWIN did not intend to ufe this 
 as a fraud, but as one of thole venial expe- 
 dients, which the poorer adherents of hu- 
 manity are compelled to exercife, in order 
 to throw a veil over their featherlefs ftate. 
 
 The members of country companies, 
 like the members of Britifh courts, have 
 their weakncfies and their vanities their 
 vices and their virtues and thefe features 
 are fo permanent in the human difpofition 3 
 that no events, however complicated by 
 mifery, can eradicate them from our nature, 
 EDWIN was a human being, cdnfequently 
 EDWIN was not infallible Going to drefs for 
 3. Sir
 
 Sir John Lover tele m the Devil to Pay, in 
 the neateft corner of a manger, he afked the 
 property man fomewhat authoritatively for 
 a drefs What will you have Sir, laid the 
 half-educated Taylor What 'did I wear in 
 Romeo lad night ? (for be it known that 
 EDWIN twice played Rejnto*)--tht green and 
 gold, replied the illegitimate fon of the 
 Iheers Did I, retorted the actor, then 
 bring the blue and gold for LoveruleThd 
 green and gold, and blue and gold, being high- 
 founding words ; I think it neceffary for 
 the interefls of truth to note, that both one 
 and the other were cornpofed of coloured 
 frize, edged with gilt leather our ad- 
 venturer, having the bed voice in the com- 
 pany, as well as having more of the fcience 
 ofmufic than any of his compeers, was fre- 
 quently announced for a fong between the 
 Acts, and his favorite dirty was, 
 
 *' When the trees were all bare, not p. leaf to be feen." 
 
 In thefe attempts, he was accompanied 
 by two fiddlers, who were fituated on the 
 left fide of the fiage, and who compofed 
 the Band of the Barn The principal of
 
 ( "93 ) 
 
 thele minifters of Phcsbus was an odd 
 character, as full of vulgarifm. as DIBDIX, 
 and egotifm as * ARNE half made half 
 rational, but neverthelefs an excellent per- 
 former to give an unqueflionable proof of 
 his ability, lie would fometimes bring a fix- 
 penny riddle to accompany an entire opera, 
 being perfuaded that he could produce as 
 much harmony from that, as Giardini from 
 the choicefl Cremona A fenfe of his iupe- 
 riority, made him infufferably vain, and not 
 infrequently troublefome he took liberties 
 
 Dr. THOMAS AUGUSTINE ARNE : this gentleman waj 
 the fon of Mr. ARNE, an uphollterer, in Covent Garden, 
 the peribn fuppofed to have been intended by Mr. Addi- 
 fon, drawing the character of the celebiated politician, in 
 T\ T o. 155, and i6o,.of the Trailer : he was early deroted to 
 mufick, and foon became eminent in his profefllon. On 
 the 6th of July 1759, he was made a Doctor of Mufick, 
 by the univerfity of Oxford. The excellence of hip 
 c"ompofition is univerfally acknowledged in every country, 
 except Italy, where envy deflroys candour. He was inthf 
 habit of eonfhmtly praifing his own performance it has 
 been affirted, that when he fet Comiis to mufick, he had 
 not fufficient knowledge to annex the accompaniments- 
 be died, March 5, 1778, and buried on the uorth f.de of 
 Covent Garden Church. 
 
 VOL, I. O with
 
 ( '94 ) 
 
 with the audience and the performers, and 
 would often burft out into an exclamation, 
 while EDWIN was finging, at the end of 
 every verle, with, 
 
 " Well done, EDDY" 
 
 " Bravo, EDDY* 
 
 " Well chaunted, EDDY." 
 
 The idiom of the land was not confide- 
 rably beautified by his management but 
 as human vanity bears in general an exaft 
 proportion in vulgar minds to human igno- 
 rance, we muft not be furprifed, that the 
 limb of Timotheus was noify contemptible 
 and impertinent*. 
 
 Silver- 
 
 * When a certain equeftrian adept, not very remar- 
 "kable for his modefty, or gentleman-like manner, came 
 from Paris, hewasaccoftedby afriendas follows (< Well, 
 PHILIP, how have you done inFrance :-Done, why Imought 
 have learnt the Dolphin to ride if I would! Is the young 
 Prince like the king his father ?'' His father! Lord help 
 *your filly head, why the king never could get that there 
 chiid he is omnipotent, he has been fo for fomc tirre. 
 How came you by that bruife on your forehead, PHILI.P? 
 
 *< continue*!
 
 ( '95 ) 
 
 Silver-headed Time, in pity to the diftrefles 
 of the Protean family, had now brought that 
 period about, within a week, when the per- 
 formers exercife a double portion of hilarity, 
 and the managers became dogged and 
 four To be familiar with the reader, that 
 fpace allotted for the benefits of the feveral 
 occupants of the fock and Bufkin was 
 coming on with more hafte than the man- 
 ager wifhed, and with lefs than his depen- 
 dants required In the Dramatic Syftem 
 at Bewdley, two perlbns were generally 
 aflbciated in one Benefit : and it fell to 
 EDWIN'S lot to be united with a Mr. SMITH, 
 a Comedian of little promife even in the 
 Country. The pretenfions and qualifications 
 
 continued the facetious inquirer " Oh, an accident, 
 rejoined the mafter of brutes ;'' you irmftknovv, I had a 
 young horfe fent me to break in from M.irv-le-bone ; I 
 eroded him for the firft time this morning, about four 
 o'clock ; but what d'ye think ? why a rainy night to me, 
 as I fay to Mr. Merryimn, but the little man.v ran away 
 with me to Foxhall, and then making a circumvendibus 
 towards the Dog and Duck, would certainly have killed 
 me on the fpot, if he had not luckily ran my head againft 
 the objlaclt'va the middle of Saint George's fields." 
 
 02 Of
 
 C 1.96 ) 
 
 of thefe colleagues were oppofite SMITK 
 was confidered as the word actor in the 
 Company, and EDWIN as the beft SMITH 
 was immoderately fond of the puriuit 
 EDWIN half fickened with his ill fuccefs 
 Our play fhall be the Revenge,, faid SMITH, 
 for I have got fome nice worfled feathers 
 that will fuit the part of Alonzo exactly 
 If you take thatdifmal Tragedy of YOUNG'S, 
 laid EDWIN, I muft of courfe be out of the 
 performance- Well, added the other, if you 
 are, you know you can fing between the 
 Ads, and to ftrengthen the bill, I intend 
 after the play to fpeak the Prologue to 
 ZARA in the character of a Drunken Sailor t 
 after the manner of Mr. GARRICK But 
 now we have fettled the play, faid EDWIN, 
 let us turn our thoughts to the farce, what 
 Ihall that be? the CHEATS of SCAPIN^ re- 
 joined the other, I will play SCAPIN, and 
 you fhall enact GRIPE. 
 
 Thus did SMITH, though the lead ef- 
 fective man of the two, afTume the ftrong 
 parts to himfelf- while EDWIN only fung 
 a filly ditty, with a book in. his hands, 
 
 between
 
 C '57 ) 
 
 between the Acts of the Tragedy, and got 
 into a fack in the after-piece to be laughed 
 at for his complaifance, and beat for his 
 folly, 
 
 The profits of this Benefit, proved the 
 \veaknefs of the claimants talents for 
 bluftering, bellowing, fvveating, fretting, 
 laughing, Gnging, dancing, and weeping, 
 for four hours, the fum total of the reward, . 
 after paying the expences of the Barn for 
 rent, lighting Actors Cloaths Scenes, 
 and the diminutive officers, amounted to 
 twenty- five fhillings each, which with the 
 pieces of candle not confumed, made up 
 the whole of the perfonal profits of thefe 
 two imbecile labours in the Theatric vine- 
 yard. 
 
 As EDWIN and his unfortunate com- 
 panion, Mr. SMITH, were returning from 
 a village, where they had been to gather 
 fome money for tickets in the meridian of 
 Bewdley, about nine o'clock in the evening, 
 when Cynthia hung emblazoned in the 
 heavens with mere than ufual fplendour, 
 O 3 and
 
 and the cold nipping air made them button 
 up their furtouts from the chin to the 
 band, they perceived fcmcthing in a human 
 fhape proftrate on the ground At the 
 of this fingular fpectacle, EDWIN'S tteth 
 began to chatter, and SMITH'S knees knock- 
 ed together inceflantly -each emboldened 
 the other to approach, but neither would--- 
 at length Edwin collecting more than 
 common courage, thus addreiled the mo- 
 tionlefs lump before them, 
 
 " Angels and r.-.fciflers of grace defend us, 
 Art thou a fpirit of health or goblin damn'd, 
 Be thy intents wicked or charitable ? 
 
 " D n your nonfenfe," muttered the 
 
 animal on the ground," if you won't come 
 to bed yourfelf, bring me another blanket, 
 
 and, d'ye hear, put the candle out" The 
 
 tones of the drowfy grumbler no fooner 
 reached their ears, than they knew their 
 man, who was no other than the mufician 
 already recorded for his prefumption The 
 fact is, he had been taking more than his 
 
 accuftomed
 
 ( 199 ) 
 
 accuftomed allotment of brandy that day, 
 \vhich was a pint and a half, -and being in 
 conle<qunce fbmewhat inebriate, had mif- 
 taken a dunghill for his bed chamber, and 
 would have flept till the crowing of Chanti- 
 cleer, but for this timely interruption. 
 
 . Our hero had refided at Bewdley for the 
 fpace of nine weeks, and though he had 
 been indefatigable in his ftudies, and, to 
 fpeak comparatively, fupereminently fuc- 
 cefsful in his endeavours to pleafe, yet the 
 hard-earned fum for fo much toil, and fo 
 much merit, made no more upon an ac- 
 curate calculation than three pounds two 
 fhillings and fix-pence As this inconfider- 
 able acquifition would not anfwer the vora- 
 cious demands of his creditors in the Town, 
 EDWIN was obliged to affail the humanity 
 of Mr. HEATON, their dramatic Governor, 
 who lent him juft fufficient to defray the 
 feveral bills, which formed in unity the tre- 
 mendous aggregate of eight pounds two 
 fhillings and fixpence. 
 
 O 4 The
 
 ( 200 } 
 
 The following is a lift of the particulars 
 of the demand, 
 
 /, s.d, 
 
 Nine Weeks board and lodg- 
 ing, at 7j. per week - 330 
 Three pints of ale a day, 
 making 189, at id. per 
 pinf i ii 6 
 
 A pair of Shoes - - 056 
 Two pair of Cotton Stockings 070 
 Wattling - o 12 o 
 
 Two new Handkerchiefs -030 
 A falfe tail * o i o 
 
 Tobacco and Pipes o i o 
 
 Two new Shirts - - 090 
 Ruffles for ditto - -076 
 Scaling and heeling a pair of 
 
 Boots - 036 
 
 New feet for Stockings - 020 
 A Crab Stick with a brafs- 
 
 head o i 6 
 
 Three bottles of Brandy 090 
 
 Thomas a Kempis and Gib- 
 ber's Life - - o 2 p 
 The Mufe in good humour 006 
 
 Carried over, - 7196
 
 Brought over, - 7 19 6 
 
 Brulhes and blacking - o 2 Q 
 Thread and needles 003 
 
 Tumbler broke at the Talbot 009 
 
 It is unnecefiary to inform the reader, 
 that KDWIN was now in the loweft {late of 
 his profefllon : as the limited wardrobe 
 contained in his box, or rather his bundle, 
 fully verified it was conicious only of the 
 reception of the underwritten articles. 
 
 An old green coat, with new elbows 
 
 inworked, much brighter than the 
 
 body. 
 
 A ftriped Waiftcoat, 
 A pair of red Breeches. 
 Ditto black with buttons as good as 
 
 new. 
 
 One pair of White Silk Stockings. 
 Ditto black worded. 
 Three Pocket Handkerchiefs. 
 . One pair of yellow buckles for Old- 
 
 men. 
 A metzotinto of JACK SHEPHERD. 
 
 Two
 
 ( 202 ) 
 
 Two Neckcloths. 
 
 A pair of nutcrackers that were for- 
 merly TOM DURFEY'S. 
 A Razor cafe. 
 Five Comedy Wigs. 
 A paii- of fquare Toe Shoes. 
 And a Horn Snuff-box. 
 
 Should a rigid obferver of circumftances 
 wifh to know by what means EDWIN ac- 
 quired fo confiderable a Stock of bodily 
 ornaments, and which were never mentionrd 
 before in this narrative; I muft beg leave 
 to inform him that they were literally very 
 honeflly acquired, without the intervention 
 of fairies, or any thing of the fame extra- 
 ordinary or fupernatural complexion 
 
 The acquifirioa was honorable ; and the 
 agency by which it was accomplished merely 
 mortal. 
 
 VANDERMERE, the actor, gave him 
 
 The Green Co fit. 
 
 UEATOV, the manager, beftowed 
 The fraipcoai and Breeches. 
 
 A young
 
 A young woman of the town, brought 
 
 The Stockings y Handkerchiefs and Ntckclotb. 
 
 The mad minftrel made an offering of 
 
 The Buckle Sy Wigs and Shoes. 
 And' a toyman of Bewdley gave 
 The Horn Snuff -Bex, 
 
 Theverieft trifles, when appertaining to a 
 confpicuous character are read with avidity* 
 and the movements of a man of celebrity 
 
 * The late Laurent, Mr. Wurton, hearing that Mr. Ka- 
 fon, Rc<5tor of Stratford>upon-avon, had given an elegant 
 cup and ink-ftand, made out of Shakefptaie's mulbcrrr- 
 tree, to Dr. H r., he lent word to his old fellow Ox- 
 onian, that he would fo'jn viiit Bath; paur a libation cf 
 fack from the goblet, to the immortal memory of the 
 great bard ; and write his next Ode out of the iuk-ftand ; 
 but whilft fuch things were " To be" Death cryed, " .V^/ 
 to be:' The ink-ftand was to have been prtfeiUtd to th 
 Laureat, with the following invoc.ition written oa the 
 cover : 
 
 FB.VCTU COGNOSCITUR AP.BOR. 
 
 Sweet relick, fprung from Shakefpeare's hajloxv'dtrep. 
 
 Prove thou a fount of iinmortalitT? 
 
 Spirit divine ! fome glowing breaft infpire 
 
 With kindred paffion, and congenial fire; 
 
 The golden fruit, from fome new fcion i aife, 
 
 And on thy Mulberry ingraft thy br.ys ! 
 
 through
 
 through the varied gradations of his being 
 are worthy a regifter in the tablets of im- 
 mortaliry Individuals of note expect that 
 performance, and thofe who have the power 
 to perform, allow the claim I have many 
 doubrs, if the love of fame is not of equal 
 import with the love of life If we have 
 acted nobly, we ardently hope that our 
 name and the aft may be given in union 
 to the world There are fome who affeft to 
 think otherwife, and are hypocritically an- 
 gry when their good deeds are announced 
 Such perfons notorioufly labour to imi- 
 tate the andents in their felf-denial, though 
 uninfrruceed by the fame lofty irrmulfe We 
 are told, that AUGUSTUS prohibited the 
 common ufe of his name, left it fhould grow 
 too cheap and vile by plebeian converia- 
 tion The name of MERCURIUS TRISME- 
 GISTUS was not commonly mentioned, be- 
 caufe of the great reverence people had for 
 him; and the very heathens \vere afraid to 
 pronounce the name of their great god 
 DEMOGORGON, as fearing the earth would 
 tremble wfien the founds ilTued from their 
 
 lip*, 
 
 Vanity
 
 Vanity has been very unjuftly afcribtd 
 by a variety of writers, as the predominant 
 quality of the female mind, but I am con- 
 vinced, that that Minify panlon exifts with 
 more foice in the mafculine bofom It is 
 not my place here to defcant fo far upon its 
 confequences as to determine, whether ics 
 influence is more profitable or ruinous but 
 I will affirm, that were we deprived of its 
 adminiftrations altogether, we Ihould lofe 
 the mafter-fpring of our machine let it be 
 directed right, and it will effect: the rnoit. 
 momentous and beneficial purpofes it will 
 teach the virtuous poor to be inwardly- 
 proud of their furTering, and exclaim with 
 the author of the Night Thoughts, 
 
 Let high birth triumph ; what can be more great ? 
 Nothing but merit in a low eft.ite. 
 To virtue's humbled fen, let none prefer 
 Vice though defconded from a conqueror. 
 Shall me:i, like FIG URES, pafs for high or bale, 
 Slight, or important, only by their place ? 
 Titles are marks ofchonejl men and <z^ J ; 
 The fool, or knave, that wears a title, lifs* 
 
 After a fucceHion of unpleasant circum- 
 irances, EDWIN abdicated 1m fituatian in 
 
 5 - Mr,
 
 Mr. HEATO:I'S company, and iiftening to 
 the perfuafion of a brother of the bufkin, 
 agreed to fet off for Prefton, in Lancashire, 
 to join a band of extraordinary performers, 
 under the command of General HAMILTON. 
 By forced marches accidental rides,and 
 much good fortune, they reached the place 
 of action in five days EDWIN preferred his 
 fuit to the manager his qualifications were 
 examined, and he was formally admitted a 
 member of that refpe6table body of mum- 
 mers to participate the incidental vexations, 
 and (hare the profits of the undertaking. 
 
 EDWIN made his debut in Prefton, in the 
 character of Coriciauus, and was received 
 with particular marks of attention from a 
 difcerning audience The next character he 
 afiumed was Romeo ; but for want of a pro- 
 per fide fcene, the iady, who enacted Juliet, 
 was under the irkfome neceffiry of deliver- 
 ing her amorous extafies from a ladder, 
 which was placed purpofely againft the 
 O. P. wing EDWIN being then but a 
 fort of novice in making love, and not 
 knowing the delicate cuitorns of Mantua , 
 
 placed
 
 ( 207 ) 
 
 'placed himfelf too immediately under the fair 
 object of his idolatry, who was obliged 
 in confequence to pay more attention to her 
 petticoats than her author, to prevent the 
 puny inamorato from efpying the naked - 
 nefs of the land The minion of rifibilhjr 
 had now arrived at that epoch of his being, 
 when the paffions were mature, but the 
 judgment imperfect when the will to do 
 wrong, was not curbed by a knowledge of 
 the pangs of evil EDWIN ran into exceiles, 
 which the afcribed inexperience of youth 
 could fcarcely render venial in thejudica- 
 tory of charity He fbmetimes perpetrated 
 little mifderneanors, which engendered real 
 concern; looking for no other recompence 
 but a laugh, though the merriment was ex- 
 tracted from the inconvenience of his neigh- 
 bour! 
 
 The adherent of Thefpis then lodged 
 at a tallow-chandler's, in Prefton ; at ths 
 back of which was a large manfion, te- 
 nanted by two of thofe unhappy animals, 
 fiircaflically denominated tallies, or old 
 maids in their fervice was a rofy wench, 
 
 y'cicp'd 
 4
 
 ( 268 ) 
 
 y'clep'd NELL, and this Helen had contriv- 
 ed by oblique leers fignificant fimpers, 
 and other overt-acts of necromancy, to cn- 
 fnare the tindry heart of JOHN EDWIN As 
 neither of the parties had taken the vow of 
 chaftity, an affignation was the iflue, and 
 the hour of eleven, after the play, was the 
 time appointed for the callow comedian to 
 icale the garden wall, and lay fiege to this 
 linfey-woolfey Thifbe, while her miftrefres 
 were enjoying as much comfort as a down 
 bed could adminilter to the aliens of hope. 
 
 The moment arrived the wall was 
 fcaled, and the flippant fervant of the mufes 
 welcomed by the fair one to the kitchen, 
 v/here they played a duet, in quick time, up- 
 on a venifon pafty, and fulfilled all the et 
 ceteras with a zed which nothing but youth 
 can uphold, and love experience A bottle 
 of Burton ale was brought forward as an 
 accompaniment, and thus jocundly did this 
 falacious twain revel unfeen by any, except 
 an antient folitary rat which had infefted the 
 larder, time immemorial ! 
 
 One
 
 One day pafied during the progrefs of 
 this fublime commerce, when the blythe 
 paramour neglected ro vifit his lovely Dul- 
 cinea the inattention had nearly proved 
 fatal to the wretched nymph fhe pined in 
 thought until the coming night, which re- 
 flored the wanderer to her eager arms (he 
 mildly chid him for his infidelity, while her 
 azure eyes were laden with tears the come- 
 dian had not a foul of flint -he kified av\ay 
 the pearly drop which had damped her 
 healthy cheek, and fubdued her diftreffes in 
 the language of the gallant Anthony. 
 
 . How I loved, 
 
 Witnefs ye days and nights, and all ye hours, 
 Thatdanc'd away with down upon your feet, 
 As all your bvfmels were to count my pad! on* 
 One day paft by, and nothing fa\v but love 5 
 Another came, and ftill 'twas only love : 
 The fuiis were weary'd out with looking on, 
 And I untir'd with loving. 
 
 As the meretricious HELEN was an hum- 
 ble deve of the Mufes, (he thus replied 
 appropriate, in the fofc numbers of the Egyp- 
 tian Queen. 
 
 Come to me, come, my foldier to my arms, 
 You've been too long away from my embraces, 
 VOL. I. P But,
 
 But, when I have you fad, and all my own, 
 With broken murmurs, and with am'rous fighs, 
 I'll fay you were unkind, and punifh you, 
 And mark you red with many a burning. kifs. 
 
 Their amorous orgies were continued for 
 nine days, and would even longer, had not 
 the wicked genius of EDWIN impelled him 
 to be mifchievous he would fometimes 
 creep up to the door of the chamber, which 
 had the honor to contain the unpolluted 
 frames of the two defendants of the holy 
 Urfula, and placing his mouth to the key- 
 hole, bellow in a low and hollow note, that 
 they would be inevitably ravifhed, when 
 their tutelary deity Diana had journied nine- 
 teen days nearer to the dilTolution of the 
 world Thefe nocturnal interruptions rilled 
 the wrinkled fpinfters with terror they 
 confulted the vicar, and the general con- 
 clufion was, that the houfe was haunted 
 In confequence, the ladies fent for their 
 landlord, and formally gave him notice, that 
 they fhould quit the habitation as foon as 
 poflible This news was by no means wel- 
 come to the owner of the tenement, who 
 ib far from being fuperftitious, infifted that 
 
 the
 
 the fair reciters of the horrid tale muft have 
 been miftaken. However, at any rate, he 
 requefted permiffion to fit up in the houfe 
 the enfuing night The demand was grant- 
 ed, and the landlord armed with a blunder- 
 bufs, took his ftation in a private room, 
 unknown to the expectant NELLY The 
 clock had fcarcely ftruck ten, when the 
 player tapped gently at the back door as 
 uiual, and was admitted After the accuf- 
 tomed dalliance had fubfided, EDWIN, 
 being more frolickfome than ordinary, took 
 a large he-cat which was purring by the 
 fire- fide, and aSxed fome walnut Ihells to 
 his feet with wix, and then let him loofe 
 about the houfe the unaccountable noile 
 foon reached the ears of the landlord, wTio 
 in hurrying down ftairs was heard by the 
 affrighted parties EDWIN in the utmoft 
 trepidation effected his retreat, and had 
 actually fcr ambled to the top of the garden 
 wall, when his purfuer levelled his bJunder- 
 bufs, and difcharged the contents at his 
 gaunt body the (lugs whizzed by his head, 
 but happily for fociety did not deftroy him 
 Alarmed at the perils which furrounded 
 P 2 him,
 
 him, he loft his reafon and his hold together, 
 and tumbled headlong into a butt of water 
 on the other fide, and mail infallibly have 
 been fuffocated, if the weight of his anato- 
 my had not overturned the veflcl, which in 
 falling feemed to vomit forth his ill-fated 
 carcafe, with as much antipathy as the 
 Leviathan did Jonas. 
 
 After this difcomfkure, EDWIN became 
 more circumfpedl in his amours- he con- 
 fefled that Cupid had ufed him but fcurvily, 
 and was half inclined to call philofophy to 
 conquer his influence he found that the 
 completion of paffion was torment, though 
 the firft movements were gladdening, 
 and that nothing could compare with 
 the fatisfa&ion resulting from a fenfe of 
 virtue. 
 
 JOHN EDWIN, like that gigantic legiflator 
 EDMUND BURKE, was made up of contra- 
 dictory elements, which partially had their 
 dominion over the man by turns To-day 
 he was jocund, another melancholic now 
 replete with hilarity now deprefled by em- 
 brio-troubles On Monday, he was a 
 metaphyfician;
 
 ( 213 ) 
 
 metaphyfician j on Tuefday, a theologift s 
 on Wfdnefday, a republican ; on Thurfday, 
 an ariftocrate ; yet in defpite of his weak- 
 neffes he was refpe6lable the latent genius 
 of the man, burft through the coverings of 
 habit, and caft a luminoufhefs around him, 
 wh'reh rendered our vifion imperfect to the 
 developement of his diminifhing properties. 
 
 While he remained with the half-clad 
 troop at Prefton, the whole company were 
 alarmed with the difmal tidings, that the 
 magiflrate of the town had given permiflion 
 to another fet of ftrollers to exhibit in the 
 town at the fame time the wanderers who 
 had created this alarm, were perfonages of 
 no lefs celebrity, than Mr. Punch and his 
 merry family Wh ether it arofe from the dread 
 of competition or otherwife, was never fatis- 
 factorily decided, but certain it is, that an 
 humble petition to the juttice was refolved 
 on, to induce him to remove the impedi- 
 ments to their well-being, and EDWIN was 
 ielecled as the propereft perfon to write it 
 -the choice of his brethren in this meafure, 
 P 3 was
 
 ( "4 ) 
 
 was not entirely indifcreet, as EDWIN was 
 the only man in their body, who was fuffici- 
 cntly advanced in education to be able to 
 write- the reft had been too lively to at- 
 tend to the vulgar drudgeries of the 
 School 
 
 The enfuing day, EDWIN produced the 
 remonftrance which ran as follows. 
 
 To the WORSHIPFUL JUSTICE ADDLE, 
 greeting. 
 
 We your Petitioners, feeling ourfelves 
 aggrieved, by the eflablifhment of another 
 company in the town of PRESTON, con- 
 trary to antient ufage, beg leave to folicit 
 that thev may be removed forthwith we 
 flatter ourfelves, that we can offer your 
 Worlhip fome folid reafons, tojuftify the 
 feeming boldnefs of this interference 
 PUNCH and his family, your Worlhip, have 
 always been confidered as the mereoutcafts 
 of mirth- the aliens of chafte humour- 
 every body knows that PUNCH is a corrup- 
 
 ter
 
 ( 215 ) 
 
 ter of youth, and has been put in the flocks 
 a hundred times, and is likewife fuch an un- 
 grateful rafcal, that he would even abufe his 
 makerWe, your Worlhip, are obliged to 
 ftudy hard and cogitate, before we can make 
 our appearance on the flage with propriety, 
 whereas PUNCH and hisfuite can remain in 
 a ftate of idlenefs (and idlenefs, your Wor- 
 lhip knows, is the root of all evil) hanging 
 upon pegs behind the fcenes, until the mo- 
 ment that the mufician fhall give the fignal 
 for their defcent ; befides they may all get 
 their living, and be ufeful to the world in 
 another way The QUEEN OF SHEBA may 
 become a handle for a coffee pot King 
 SOLOMON would make an excellent boot 
 jack his wife JOAN a watchman's rattle, 
 and Mr. PUNCH himfelf, a terrific fcarecrow 
 -and not doubting of redrefs, we fign this 
 memorial with all due humility. 
 
 JOHN EDWIN, 
 HECTOR HAMILTON, 
 His mark for felf and company. 
 PRESTON, 8th January, 1768. 
 
 P 4 Purfuant
 
 ( 416 ) 
 
 Purfuant to this requeft, both parties 
 were ordered into the prefence of the ma- 
 giftrate the next morning, where, for reafons 
 which it is unnecefTary to notice, PUNCH 
 did not appear, but his worthy friend and 
 ally Mr. FLOCKTON officiated as his kcifni 
 tencns and connfel This gentleman-ufher 
 to the court of KING SOLOMON, with much 
 eloquence allured the Juftice that the whole 
 affair had originated in envy, hatred, and 
 uncharitablenefs that his affociate PUNCH, 
 was a very exemplary member of Society 
 the very fugle-man of morality never fre- 
 quented beer houfes on the Sabbath,, or run 
 in debt, without an intention of paying, 
 which was more, he prefumed, than his 
 virulent enemies could boaft that though 
 it was not the lot of any to be perfect, yet 
 he would venture to affirm, that he could 
 recite Hamlet as well, and introduce as 
 many new readings as Mr. HAMILTON 
 himfeif; and though he could not altogether 
 deny but his friend was indebted to an oak 
 tree for his immediate being, and to the 
 chiflel for his perfonal beauties, yet he was 
 not fo much behind his opponents in the 
 
 faculties
 
 ( 17 ) 
 
 faculties of thought, as they wifhed to re- 
 prefent ;* for though it might be admitted, 
 that from the fhoulders downward, they 
 were knit by the finews, and integuments 
 common to humanity, yet no one would 
 be hardy enough to infmuate that their 
 heads were not as completly wooden as the 
 great guardians of the City, in the Guildhall 
 ofLondon. In the material article of lineage, 
 he was tranfcendantly their fuperior his 
 origin was from a God- the head and foun- 
 tain of his family (as Mr. FLOCKTON ele- 
 gantly expreffed it) having been cut from 
 the thigh of Aft?#J, who was the SHERIDAN 
 of the third heaven ! This Ciceronian ha- 
 rangue had the defired effect the players 
 loft their caufe, and PUNCH was not only 
 
 Had the great French critic BOILEAU been prefent 
 at this examination, he certainly would have juftified the 
 magistrate in preferring the fcenic exertions of Mr. 
 PUNCH to thofe ot his adverfaries, as he contrived to 
 preferve the unities, which were wholly neglected by his 
 opponents When BOILEAU wrote on Dramatic poetry, 
 fcis idea was 
 
 f^Sc-a tin lieK, qu'rn an jour, tin feul fait accompli 
 Tiennejufcia la Jin le theatre rem$li, 
 
 allowed
 
 Rllowed to exhibit his quirks and quiddities 
 in public, but actually received with kind - 
 ncfo into the beft company, and flattered 
 on the immenfity of his talents, and the 
 fkfcination of his power ! 
 
 Though this Indignity, one would imagine, 
 was too powerful for their philofophy to 
 brook, yet wonderful to relate, all would 
 have blown over, the fangs of envy 
 teen extracted, and the rival companies 
 have aflimilated and been good friends, had 
 not an unlucky miftake took place but 
 miftakes occur in the pureft families One 
 of the party, a comely youth, but no con- 
 jurer, hid a filver fpoon in his breeches, 
 by the way of a frolic, but notwithflanding 
 his afTeverations of innocence, and the good 
 word of Mr. HAMILTON, the matter was 
 cruelly misinterpreted The Joker was fent 
 handcuffed to Lancafter, and the whole 
 cavalcade, from the Manager to his call 
 boy, ejected beyond the precincts of the 
 
 Town,
 
 ( 219 ) 
 
 Town, with a few fymptoms of dil grace, 
 in three hours after the fatal difcovery.* 
 
 A fort 
 
 * T:.e Lsi-trs of Tj'atrical Antiquities fjjill, I think, be 
 highly gratified by the perufal of the following Appeal to the 
 Public on the part of the 3-lanagers, or Patentees of Drury 
 Lane Theatre, in the reign of Queen ANNE : 
 
 Advertifement concerning the poor Actors, who, under 
 pretence of hard iifage from the Patentees, are about to 
 defert their fervice. 
 
 Some perfons baring induftrioufly fpread about 
 amongft the Quality and others, what fmall allowances 
 the chief Actors have had this laft Winter from the 
 Patentees of Drury Lane Play-houfe, as if they had re- 
 ceived no more than fo maay poor palatines ; it \ves 
 thought neceffary to print the following Account. 
 
 The whok company began to aft on the isth of Oflo- 
 ber, 1708, and left off on the a6th of the fame month, by 
 reafon of Prince George's illnefs and death ; and began 
 again the i4th of December following:, and left off upon 
 the Lord Chamberlain's order, on the 4th of June laft, 
 1709. So acted, during that time, in all 135 days, which 
 is 22 weeks and three days, accounting fix acting dayj to 
 a week. 
 
 In that time . s. d. 
 
 To Mr. Wilkes, by falary, for ai>ing, 
 
 and taking care of the rebearfalsj paid i6S 6 8 
 By his Benefit play; - - 90149 
 
 Total 259 15 
 To
 
 ( 110 ) 
 
 A fort of revolution began now to operate 
 in EDWIN'S mind he thought, and thought 
 wifely, that the indignities attached to the 
 profeffion by the malignity of ignorance, 
 
 were 
 
 ToMr. Bettertonbyfalary, foraging, 4 1. . j. </. 
 
 a week for himiclf, and il. a week for 
 * his wife, although fhe does not ad ; paid ua 10 o 
 By a benefit play at common prices, he- 
 fides what he got by high prices, and 
 Guineas; paid - - - 76 4 5 
 
 14 S 
 
 To Mr. Eoftcourt, at 5!. a week falary; 
 
 paid - - - - iizioo 
 
 By a benefit play ; paid 51 86 
 
 163 18 6 
 
 To Mr. Gibber, at 5!. a week falary ; paid in 10 o 
 By a benefit play j paid - - - 51 o 10 
 
 162 10 10 
 
 To Mr. Mills, at 4!. a week for himfelf, 
 and jl. a week for his wife, for little or 
 nothing 112 10 
 
 By a benefit play paid to him (not in- 
 cluding therein what fhe got by a bene- 
 fit play) - 58 i 4
 
 were not counterbalanced by proportionate 
 advantages he ruminated, and was de- 
 termined to make trial of fome other occu- 
 pation Thus refolved, he continued wan- 
 dering 
 
 To Mrs Oldfield, at 4!. a week (alary, which . s. </, 
 for 14 weeks and one day ; flie leaving off 
 adhng prefently after her benefit (viz.) on 
 the 1 7th of March laft, 1708, though the 
 benefit was intended for her whole nine 
 months acting, and me refufed to affifl 
 others in their benefits ; her falary for tl>efe 
 14 weeks and one day came to, and me was 
 
 paid, 56 13 4 
 
 In January flic required, and was paid ten 
 
 guineas, to wear on the ftage in fome 
 plays, during the whole feafon, a mantua 
 petticoat that v as given her for the ftage, 
 and though flie left off three months be- 
 fore flic fliould, yet me hath not returned 
 any part of the ten guineas. 10 15 o 
 
 And fne had for wearing in fome plays a fuit 
 
 of boys cloathson thellage ; paid a 10 9 
 
 J5y a benefit pby ; paid 6t 7 8 
 
 132 6 7 
 Certainties 4 in all 1077 3 8 
 
 Bcfides which certain fums abovementioned, the fame 
 aftors gut by their benefit plays, as follows : 
 
 Note,
 
 ( ft" ) 
 
 dering along the path on the high road, 
 \vhen the flying waggon from Liverpool 
 overtook him EDWIN made a politic bar- 
 gain with the waggoner, which was to be 
 
 conveyed 
 
 Note, that Mr. Betterton having had 76!.' . --, </. 
 45. jd. as above mentioned, for two- 
 thirds of the profits by a benefit play, 
 reckoning his tickets for the boxes at 
 53. a piece, the pit at 33. the firft 
 gallery at as. and the upper gallery at 
 
 is. But the boxes, pit, and ftage, 
 
 laid together on his day, and no peribn 
 admitted but by his tickets, the lo\veft at 
 
 . half a guinea a ticket ; nay he had much 
 more, for one lady gave him ten guineas, 
 fome five guineas, fome two guineas, and 
 mod one guinea, fuppofing that he de- 
 figned not to a<t any more, and he de- 
 livered tickets out for more perfonn, than 
 the boxes, pit, and ftage could hold ; it is 
 thought he cleared at lead 450!. over and 
 and betides the 76!. 48. jd. - - 453 o a 
 
 : Tis thought Mr. Eftcourt cleared zo~l. be- 
 tides the feid 5 il. 8s. 6d. - - aoo o o 
 
 That Mr. Wiikes cleared by Guineas, as it 
 is thought, about 40!. befides the faid 90!. 
 145. 9d. 40 o o 
 
 That Mr. Cibber go' by Guineas, as it is 
 thought, about 50!. befides the faid 51!. 
 os. 10 sL - - 50 o o 
 
 That
 
 conveyed to London for half the ufual 
 price, but as this was meant by the driver 
 to be a perquiiite for himfelf, he laid the 
 Comedian under an injunction to quit the 
 
 waggon 
 
 That Mr. Mills got by guineas about acl. as , s. d. 
 
 it is thought, befides the faid 58!. is. 4d 20 o o 
 That Mrs. Oldficld, it is thought, got isol. 
 
 by guineas over and above the faid 62!. 79. 
 
 Sd. 
 
 So that thefe fix comedians,' who are the unfatisficd peo- 
 ple, have between the izth of October and the 4th of June 
 laft, cleared in all the following fums: /. j. </. 
 Acted ico times, Mr. Wilkes certain ^59 i 5 
 
 and more by com- 
 putation - - 40 o o 
 
 Acted 16 times, Mr. Betterton certain, 
 and more by com- 
 putation 
 
 Aftcd 53 times, Mr. Esfccourt certain, 
 and more by com- 
 putation
 
 ( 224 ) 
 
 waggon before they entered upon a new ftage, 
 and remount the vehicle half a mile on the other 
 fide. This expedient was fulfilled, and things 
 
 Afled 71 times, Mr. Gibber certain, 
 and more by com- 
 putation. 
 
 Acted times, Mr. Mills certain, 
 
 and more by com- 
 putation 
 
 Acled 39 times, Mrs. Old field certain 
 and more by com- 
 putation 
 
 Itad not sifting been forbid feven weeks on the occafion 
 of Prince George's death, and my Lord Chamberlain for- 
 bad adting about five weeks before the tenth of July in- 
 ftant ; each of thefe asftors would have had twelve weeks 
 ialary more than is abovementior.ed. 
 
 As to the certainties cxpreflcd in this paper, to be paid 
 to the fix Actors, the fame are pofitively true : and as to 
 the fums they got over and above fuch certainties, I be- 
 lieve the fame to be true, according to the belt of my com- 
 putation. 
 
 Witnefs my hand, who am Receiver and Trcafurerat 
 the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, ZACHARY BAGGS. 
 
 July 8th, 1709. 
 
 4 went
 
 went on jocundly, the waggoner whittling in 
 accordance with the bells of his team, and 
 EDWIN dallying with a red-haired dairy- 
 maid from Woodfide, until they arrived at 
 Stoney Stratford on a Sunday morning, a c 
 day-break, when they found all the Inn in 
 commotion, occafioned by the lamentations 
 of a little bandy-legged man in a raven-grey 
 furtout The affair ftood thus the diminu- 
 tive animal was a devil-badgerer from 
 Cambridge, who had arrived in London 
 but three days before, in order to preach 
 his probationary and maiden fermon, at 
 Saint Sepulchre's that day, before the 
 Bifhop of Lincoln. He put up at the 
 Golden Crofs, -Charing Crofs, where, on 
 the preceding Saturday, he met with a 
 frcjhman, and a fellow commoner from the 
 fame univerfity On imparting to them 
 the nature of his minion, they determined 
 on making him inebriate The defign was 
 completely executed by two o'clock on the 
 Sunday morning, when they took an op- 
 portunity of throwing him into the bafket 
 of the Litchfield machine, which was then 
 on the point of departing. 
 
 VoL.L Q EDWW
 
 EDWIN and his companions reached 
 London on the feventh day after he fet out, 
 having travelled at the prodigious rate of 
 one mile and a half an hour He flept one 
 night in the metropolis, at the Swan with 
 Two Necks, in Lad Lane, and the enfuing 
 day took a lodging at No. 8, up two pair 
 of flairs, in Hemming's Row, for which he 
 was to pay three fliillings and fix-pence 
 weekly In this retreat he remained four 
 days without any circumftance occurring, 
 deferving the record of Biography His 
 defigns varied with the fucceeding hours 
 At one time he was refolved to turn eccle- 
 fiaftic, but relinquifhed the idea, on recol- 
 lecting that he had never fludied Theology, 
 learned Greek, or read the fathers he then 
 formed a fort of defire of becoming a 
 lawyer, but remembering that his father 
 called it a bafe profeffion, he fcorned to be 
 a member laftly, and thirdly, which is 
 generally decifive, he made up his mind to 
 be a phyfician Under this eflablifhed no- 
 tion he was fixed within hinnfelf, that he 
 Ihould fally out the next day, and rummage 
 the old book fhops for a fecond-hand dif-- 
 
 penfatory^
 
 C 227 ) 
 
 penfatory, that he might ftudy the ufe of 
 drugs, and practife at firft as a pharma- 
 coplift or apothecary, until he could pro- 
 cure a diploma, and cut off the loofe 
 branches of ibciety, Jecundum artem. 
 
 The great point fettled, and the night 
 advancing Cynthia peeping from the edge 
 of a dufky cloud, and the lamp- lighters 
 emblazoning the dirty way, EDWIN con- 
 ceived it necefTary (having no taper, and 
 being unwilling to coucbe fo early) to wan- 
 der to the Coach and Horfes in Caftle- 
 ftrcet, and comfort his inteftinal relatives 
 with a tankard of mantling beverage, vul- 
 garly denominated, porter The difcourfe 
 there having run upon plays and play- 
 ers, EDWIN returned at eleven to his 
 humble lodging, with his fancy brimful of 
 theatric images his landlord, who was a 
 pedling pawnbroker, having wiihed him a 
 good night, locked the flreet door, and 
 both parties fought the feat of reft About 
 five the next morning, the comedian awoke 
 in a terrible fright, and in his conflernation, 
 rua his head through an old looking-glafs 
 QJJ; which
 
 ( 2*8 ) 
 
 which he {hivered into a million of pieces-^- 
 the caufe was an irregular dream EDWIN 
 imagined in his fleep, that he was wandering 
 flyly among his landlord's fhelves, and heard 
 a watch pledged by WORGAN, and a fnuff- 
 box depofited by SHUTER, exchange the 
 following friendly fentiments The fnuff- 
 box began 
 
 What a fhame that you, who have fo often taken time 
 by the forelock, fhould be inamured thus ! 
 
 Then the watch with becoming dignity 
 and pious refignation ! 
 
 ' I know that my mta;7wliveth,'' 
 
 Then the fnuff-box 
 
 ** Oh, my prophetic Soul my uncle !'' 
 
 The laft exclamation alarmed EBWJN, 
 who fuppofed by the word uncle, that the 
 fnuff-box actually law his landlord entering 
 the chamber, and in his wild difmay and 
 efforts to efcape, thrufthis left foot into the 
 urinal, which he disjointed inundated the 
 
 room
 
 ( -29 ) 
 
 room and then unfortunately deftroyed the 
 
 antique mirror ! 
 
 When the beam of day perforated the 
 abode of wretchednefs, he put on his habi- 
 liments and breakfafled on a cruft, fome 
 dried figs and fpring water 
 
 Circumftanced as he was, he became 
 extremely unhappy his refle&ions upon 
 the unprofitable manner in which he 
 had mifpent the early part of his life, 
 planted thorns in his bofom as he felt no 
 comfort in his own fociety, he took his hat 
 from the peg and walked out, hoping 
 to divert his chagrin by the diverfity of ob- 
 jects, which fo great a city as London is 
 continually offering to attract our curiofity, 
 and feed our furprife. As he ftood furveying 
 the contents of a flail in Saint Martin's lane, 
 furnifhed with pamphlets, and fecond-hand 
 books in all languages, his whole anatomy 
 was alarmed by a (lap upon the fhoulder 
 from a perfon behind him : it operated upon 
 his nervous fyftem, as effectually and a$ 
 ftrong as an electric fhock this convulfion 
 of his body did not arife fo much from the 
 QJJ violcrc
 
 violence of the falute, as the place on which 
 the flap was directed, for however it may 
 appear to the generality of my readers, who 
 have never been under the influence of one 
 of thofe necromancers of humanity, called 
 a bailiff, I can aflure them, that a flap on 
 the fhoulder to thofe who have, is as 
 dreadful a circumftance as can poflibly hap- 
 pen in the black catalogue of mortal evil 
 but on turning round, his apprehenfions 
 vanifhed on recognifing an old member of 
 LEE'S company, the facetious and eccentric 
 PETER BOWLLS. After a few prefatory 
 queftions, and hearty fqueezes by the hand, 
 he informed EDWIN that he had quitted the 
 ftage and turned author, and if he was dif- 
 cngaged, and willing to be entertained with 
 the fociety of fome of the firft literary 
 characters in England, he would do himfelf 
 the honor to introduce him at their weekly 
 club, to which he was then going Being 
 attached to men of letters, and having a 
 natural tafte for poetry himftlf, EDWIN ac- 
 cepted his friend's offer with many protef- 
 titions of gratitude in confequence, they 
 iet out enJemUe to the place of rendezvous, 
 
 .which
 
 which was held at the fign of the Ben John- 
 fon> in the neighbourhood of Clare Market. 
 The player congratulated him as he ap- 
 proached the place of meeting, of fhortly 
 having the fuperlative happinefs of enjoying 
 the converfation of men, elevated by their 
 wifdom and philofophy, above the ordinary 
 weaknefles attendant on human nature At 
 length, having followed his conductor 
 through an infinite number of bye-lanes and 
 alleys, which though they appeared to ED- 
 WIN as intricate in their direction as the 
 famed labyrinth of Rofamond or maze of 
 Crete, were as familiar to his friend PETER, 
 as the navigation of the Caribbees to Bou- 
 GANVILLE When they arrived at the Ben 
 Jobnfon, the defpoiler of paper fkipped in 
 with that air of agreeable confidence which 
 fhakes off all referve, and that particularly 
 characterifed the gentleman in queflion : he 
 enquired at the bar if any of the club had 
 affembled j upon receiving information that 
 they had not, but were expected every mi- 
 nute, the amicable twain were ihewn upftaris 
 to the club room, which EDWIN entered 
 a kind of reverential awe. 
 
 Q4 In
 
 In this interval P^TER informed EDWIN, 
 how he principally procured the means of 
 fubfiftence, which was, to write the laft dy- 
 ing fpeeches of the malefactors, and fend a 
 fellow with Stentorian lungs to bawl them 
 in the neighbourhood of the culprit's rela- 
 tions, who, generally, purchafed his filence 
 with a few fhillings, v. hich the herald and the 
 narrator fhared equally between them 
 
 They took their ftations at the upper end 
 of the table, which was covered with pipes 
 and tobacco, and at the head was placed a 
 chair for the moderator or prefident of the 
 evening. The limb of Rcfcius could not help 
 obferving to his friend PETER, that the 
 furniture and prints in the room by no 
 means correfponded with the dignity and 
 importance of the fociety , but he was in- 
 formed that men of fcience were in a 
 great meafure regardlefs of perfonal accom_ 
 modation as to the prints, he admitted that 
 they could not be admired for their excel- 
 lence, but that circumftance, he faid, could 
 not be attributed to want of Jpirit in the 
 landlord, who had formerly ornamented the 
 
 room
 
 room with fome fine pieces by Hogarth, 
 among which was the diftrefied Poet, 
 which being confidered as a far.hful copy of 
 nature, had given offence to the club, and 
 at their requeft was removed, being confi- 
 dered as a {landing farcafm upon the majo- 
 rity of the members His friend's apology 
 for the landlord was here interrupted by the 
 arrival of one of the company, who was 
 his particular friend, and a great genius ; 
 EDWIN furveyed him for fome minutes with 
 the greatefl attention After the cuftomary 
 falutations, the author introduced EDWIN 
 to his acquaintance as a man of erudition 
 an admirer of the mules and a practical phi 
 lofopher the flranger welcomed him to the 
 club in terms of great civility, but in a man- 
 ner which evidently gave him to underftand, 
 that he confidered himfeif in the inflant, as 
 conferring a fingular favour While PETER 
 BOWLES and the arrogant bard, entered 
 into converfation upon the occurrences of the 
 day, the perfonifier of mankind liften- 
 ed with the profoundeft filence, and confider- 
 ed each remark as ifluing from the mouth 
 of an oracle EDWIN foon learned from the 
 
 ftranger's
 
 234 ) 
 
 Granger's accent that he was a North Bri- 
 tain, and from his difcourfe, that he was an 
 author of magnitude, equal to writing upon 
 any fubjecl: natural, moral, or metaphyfical 
 he inveighed to Mr. BOWLES with great 
 bitternefs, againft the deference that is paid 
 to public opinion he roundly aiTerted, that 
 thofe authors who valued themfelves upon 
 it were blockheads, and would undertake 
 to prove that there could not be a more con- 
 vincing proof of the want of merit in a lite- 
 rary compofition, than the extenfivenefs of 
 its fale The generality of readers, he main- 
 tained, had not fufficient judgment to dif- 
 tinguifh between what really deferved praife 
 and what did not, and that where 'they 
 had the hardinefs to decide upon the 
 merits of literature, it was notorious to all 
 men of fenfe, that they were wrong in nine- 
 teen inftances out of twenty Here fatd he 
 is a ftriking illuftration of what I have ad- 
 vanced, pulling a pamphlet out of hi? 
 pocket, and handing it to the liftener, that 
 is, faid he, an EfTay on the necefiity of ne\y 
 modelling the penal laws, allowed to be 
 written with great fpirit and information; ie
 
 has been publifhed thefe fix weeks, and 
 how many impreflions do you imagine has 
 been fold ? The fellow-labourer on Parnaffus 
 anfwered, perhaps a thoufand But fix copies, 
 as I am a living man, replied the Author with 
 great vociferation ; but damme why Ihould I 
 complain ? -The public tafte is vitiated, and 
 like a fickly appetite, has no relifli for any 
 compofition that is not feafoned high with 
 defamation or indecency nothing but trafli 
 or mad reflections upon civil Liberty* The 
 prefs is proflituted, but zounds, what figni- 
 fies, PETER, it will be all one a hundred 
 years hence fo here's to you, added he, 
 feizing a pot of Culvert's porter from the 
 waiter, with a mantling cauliflower head, 
 
 which 
 
 f When Mr. BURKE ifiued his heterogeneous pam- 
 phlet upon the glorious reiolution of France, his better 
 genius forfook him I underftand that Mr. PAYM, 
 Mrs. MACAULEY, Mrs. BERB/.ULD and other?, 
 are preparing anfvvers, in order to refute his falfc po- 
 fitions Such toil is unnecefiary to overthrow a rhaplbdy 
 of contradictors, where, if the tendency can be deve- 
 loped, it is to enchain mank'nd! Can contempt leftrain 
 her emotions, or indig.irtion his arm, on hearing an in- 
 dividual prate about the almoft divine right of nobles, 
 and the unlimited homage due to the ludicrous pride of 
 birth, who emerged upon fociety, like & fungus from an 
 
 Irift
 
 which this great man in the paroxyifm of 
 of his vexation, difpatched at one draught, 
 with the eafe and adroitnefs of a thirfty 
 Chairman in July EDWIN'S attention was 
 now diverted by the entrance of three more 
 members, who were quickly followed by 
 others, when each having taken his place^at 
 the Table, the Chairman proceeded to ftate 
 the deficiency of the reckoning at the lad 
 meeting: the names of the feveral defaulters 
 being called over in order, each man de- 
 pofited the fum demanded, until it came to 
 Mr. MACWHITTLE'S turn to pay, when he 
 perceived with fome marks of concern a pal . 
 pable ftruggle in his countenance, between 
 his pride and his poverty, the caufe of 
 which EDWIN fufpe&ed to be an inability to 
 
 Irifh ditch ? His pamphlet is, like the ftates of Brobdig- 
 nag and Lilliput, full of high and low figures fimilies 
 that have majefty without application, and others which 
 would difhonor the imagination of a fifh woman In fhort, 
 if the elements of the work in quo/lion are the leading 
 principles of government by which Mr. BURKE is no-.-j 
 direded, his mind muft have been wonderfully re- 
 generated ; or otherwife, he has been for many year* 
 buoyant upon the rough feas of legiflation, like a political 
 waterman, looking one way and rowing another playing 
 n fcrious jeft with the three kingdoms, and abridging the 
 genial influence of faith in fucicty. 
 
 5 liquidate
 
 ( 237 ) 
 
 liquidate the demand, and a ftrong fenfe of 
 fhame in acknowledging] his necefihy j 
 the conjecture was right, for pulling the 
 player by the fleeve he whifpered in his ear, 
 that he fhould be for ever obliged to him 
 for the loan of half a crown, as in changing 
 his cloaths, he had unfortunately left his 
 purfe behind him upon which EDWIN flily 
 flipt the money into his hand, and he in- 
 ftantly difcharged the arrears, with all the 
 confidence of a man, who had the wealth 
 of Crcefus at his difpofal This necefiary 
 bufmefs adjufted, the converfation took 3, 
 general turn, until Mr. STAYTAPE (who I 
 was informed had been formerly a Taylor, 
 but becoming a bankrupt, and not being 
 able to re-eftablifh his credit with his woollen 
 draper, had lately commenced Author) 
 obferved with force degree of acrimony, 
 that the laft new Comedy of the Triumph of 
 Fajhion, was the moft abfurd compofition 
 that ever difgraccd a Theatre -, that pro- 
 bability and common fenfe were violated 
 in every fee re, the plot-puerile the dia- 
 logue common place, and the whole bufi- 
 nefs, in ihort, a compound of nonfenfe, that 
 
 degraded
 
 degraded the Britifli drama ; and Mr. 
 STAYTAPE would have purfued this vein of 
 fatire farther, but for the interpofition of a. 
 tallman who fat oppofite to him, drefled in 
 a coat that they might perceive had been 
 once black, but which had fuffered con- 
 fiderably from the inroads of time a wig 
 nearly hairlefs, and without powder, and a 
 coloured handkerchief tied clofe round his 
 neck, which as his coat was buttoned to the 
 top, feemed to anfsver the double purpofe 
 of fhirt and neckcloth he had a fallow 
 complexion, dark bufliy eye-brows, a large 
 roman nofe, and a mouth of fuch prodigious 
 magnitude, that when he opened it to fpeak, 
 it appeared, added to the grim ferocity of 
 his countenance, like the mafk of a Lion, 
 carved at the head of a firft rate man of war. 
 When this terrific fon of Hibernia (for the 
 ftrong brogue upon his tongue would have 
 done honor to the echoes of Kilkenny) heard 
 Mr. STAYTAPE'S remarks, afiuming a look 
 of extreme indignation, he replied, tc and is 
 that your opinion friend ? if it is, and that 
 you are ferious, give me lave to tell you, 
 that you know nothing at all of the matter 
 
 What
 
 What d'ye think now my jewel, when I 
 affert that the piece is quite the reverfe of 
 all you have been faying upon the fubject 
 The plot is a fine plot, and does the Author 
 particular credit ; the characters are all 
 .drawn more natural than even life itfelf 
 honey; and as for the language, by my own 
 foul myfelf does not know that 1 ever heard 
 prettier So take a fool's advice now, be 
 <?/>', and never open your mouth in future, 
 to be prating about nothing at all dy'e fee 
 A blunder, a blunder, roared STAY APE 
 with exultation. Whereabouts is the blunder? 
 cried the Irifhman I'll be judged by the 
 company, rejoined- STAYTAPE ; here's a 
 pretty fellow to correct me that cannot 
 fpeak Englifh with propriety Correct you, 
 arrah by my foul will T, bellowed the bard 
 from Ballinafloe, you concated fon of 
 a cucumber, and I dare fay you'll 
 be the better for it as long as you live. I'll 
 teach you to talk to a jonlman like me, 
 you icoundrel, faid he, lifting up an 
 arm, as flout and mufcular as the extremity 
 of the pagan thunderer, and aiming a blow 
 at the head of the pert critic, which had it 
 
 taken
 
 taken place, would perhaps have deftroyed 
 his feat of understanding completely, by 
 ending all his mortal cares; but this bloody 
 cataftrophe was fortunately prevented by 
 the interference of the company, who ap- 
 yeafed the choler of the Hibernian, by 
 promifing that Mr. STAYTAPE fhould make 
 him ample amends by pubiickly afking 
 pardon, to which meafure the Iriihman ac- 
 ceded, and poor STAY TAPE was in conie- 
 quence dragged from under the table, to 
 which place he had retreated to avoid the 
 fury of his affailant It was impofiible for 
 the pencil of Carivegio or Da Finci t to ex- 
 hibit a more rueful figure, than that which 
 the creft fallen commentator appeared, 
 vhen compelled by his fears to afk forgive- 
 neis for delivering an opinion, which ac- 
 cording to his own judgment and belief, 
 was faicily confonant to truth Matters 
 being thus brought to an accommodation, 
 the glafs circulared pretty brifkly, when the 
 Chairman propofed their drinking the fol- 
 lowing fentiment : ' encouragement to 
 Genius, and confufion to bookfellers,'* 
 which was echoed round the table, and 
 
 drank
 
 ( 241 ) 
 
 drank with particular avidity After this 
 fentiment, the company were unanimous in 
 calling for a fong from Mr. BAREBONES, 
 Avfio, EDWIN was allured, was a very in- 
 genious man, and an adept in the pleafing 
 art of long writing, a compiler of magazines, 
 and death hunter in ordinary to three of the 
 moft popular morning papers Mr. BARE- 
 BONES being knocked down for his ditty, 
 agreeable to the language of thofe convivial 
 rreetings call'd clubs, after fome hefitation, 
 and many apologies for his hoarfenefs, 
 favored the company with that fublime, 
 beautiful and facetious compofition, well 
 known by the tide of Nib's Pound, which 
 he executed in a rich ilile of humour, for 
 the pofleffion of which he was indebted to 
 the good fortune of receiving the firft rudi- 
 ments of his education in the purlieus of 
 broad St. Giles's When this baftard of 
 Apollo had fmifhed, the whole company 
 rofe, as if by fome fudden impulfe of 
 -attraction, directing their eyes towards the 
 door EDWIN was at fome lofs to account 
 for this general motion, until he perceived 
 a lufty man approach the table, with an 
 VOL. I. R air
 
 ( 24' ) 
 
 air of prodigious felf-importance ; he ap- 
 peared to be bordering upon fifcy ; with a 
 well-fed, florid countenance, and drefled in 
 a bufhy wig, great coat and boots As he 
 drew near the table, every eye was 
 eagerly employed to meet his, which, 
 when they were fo fortunate as to effecl, 
 they made their obefance in poftures, which 
 manifefted the moil abj eft humiliation an 
 honour to which the ftranger feemed to pay 
 even not the mod diftant attention Imagin- 
 ing this to be fome great man, at the 
 head of the republic of letters, the dra- 
 matic vifitor inquired his name, when Mr. 
 BOWLES informed him, that he was a wealthy 
 bookfeller, who had almoft every individual 
 in company employed in his fervice, 
 compiling, compofing, tranflating, copy- 
 ing or printing As foon as the company 
 had drank to the health of Mr. JACKSON, 
 the new gueft, he proceeded to acquaint 
 them with the motives of his vifit : he began 
 with the prefident, whom he accufed of 
 ingratitude and drunkennefs in terms of 
 great feverity, for not coming near his houfe 
 during the fpace cf nine days, though he had 
 
 figncd
 
 figned his bail bond, for twenty three pounds 
 feven fhillings and fixpe-nce, and kept him 
 out of the jaws of aprifon. He informed the 
 I-rifhman, that the hiftory of England, 
 which he had undertaken to write for a cer- 
 tain fum, and which JACKSON was then pub- 
 lifting in numbers, did not fellThat the work 
 lay in his (hop unafked for, though he clapped 
 the fe-venteentb edition in the title page j and 
 chat unlefs he coul d think of fome expedi- 
 ent to promote the fale, he muft drop the 
 undertaking. The Irifhman in confequence 
 propofed to alrer the face of the effort, make 
 the matter more brilliant, change die name of 
 the author, and republifh, and fupport it by 
 high-feafoned puffs in all the papers of the 
 day. JACKSON feemed to relifh the propo- 
 fal, as bearing a profpecl: of fuccefs, and 
 commifiioned the author to expedite his 
 plan as faft as poffible He complimented 
 STAYTAPE on the fuccefs ofaneflay of his 
 in favour of fuicide, by which he acquainted 
 the company he had got more in two months 
 than by all the fermons he had publifhed for 
 the lad feven years, excepting thofe of an 
 Anabaptift and a field preacher a chafm in 
 R 2 the
 
 the difcourfe happening to take place, MAC- 
 WHITTLE ventured to afk JACKSON, what 
 he thought of publifhing a poem the book- 
 feller enquired the fubjecr, which MAC- 
 WHITTLE told him was moral, and thought 
 by thofe who had perufed it, to be his chef 
 d'ceuvre when JACKSON exclaimed, oh 
 damn your moral poems,the fale of the bcft 
 does not pay theexpence of printing, nobody 
 reads morality now but madmen and metho- 
 difts indeed if your fubjed had been poli- 
 tical, and decorated with Ibme artful ilrokes 
 of treafon, or if it confided of lewd anec- 
 dotes, and eftabliuied matters of fcandal, I 
 don't know but I might have become a pur- 
 chafer, but as it is, I muft beg to be excufed. 
 - Upon which, taking his hat, he rofe from 
 the table with much gravity> and wifhing 
 the company a good evening, departed,, bur 
 not before the Iriihrnan had lain him under 
 contribution for half a guinea, and the prefi- 
 dent for five fh ill ings, which he lent with evi - 
 dent marks of reluctance and ill will. He had 
 fcarce lhut the door, when every tongue modu- 
 lated, and every mouth uttered, " what an info- 
 lent fcoundrcli" Their unmanly obiequioui- 
 
 nefs
 
 ( 245 ) 
 
 nef$ while JACKSON was prefent, and their 
 unneceiTary rudenels on his departure, fo 
 far difgufted EDWIN, that he contrived to 
 fleal out of their company unperceived 
 paid fomewhat more than his (hare of the 
 reckoning at the bar, and went home to 
 ruminate upon the endlefs vicifiitudes which 
 checquer our frail exiflence. 
 
 When EDWIX firft arrived in the metro- 
 polis, he wrote a letter to Mr. HEATON'S 
 prompter, to which he had not received an 
 ^nfwer The procraftination made him un- 
 eafy The player had been his friend, butthe 
 obligation was forgot* 'Among the little vio- 
 lations 
 
 : ' Inftances of gratitude do the perpctntor honor 
 When COLONEL BELLINOHAM of the county of Lowth, 
 in Ireland, was about eighteen years of age, he difagreed 
 v. ith his family, and in confequence, walked up to Dub- 
 lin, and in a fit of deipcration inlifted in the fervicc of the 
 Eaft India Company as a private foldier The party was 
 iiiftantly ordered to Cork for embarkation-^-\Vhen they 
 arrived at Gallon in the county of Kilkenny, Mr. BEL- 
 LI N-G HAM was much fatigued, he fought for a bed and 
 rcfrefhrnent, but the country people having an. extraor- 
 dinary antipathy to the army, he could not procure either, 
 and was on the point of defponding, when a poor fellow 
 R 3 named
 
 lations of focial propriety, not anfwering a 
 letter of amity may be clafled as principal. 
 
 The benefit which comes unexpectedly, 
 comes with ineffable grace EDWIN re- 
 ceived a letter, not from the communicator 
 of heroics, but from Mr. HEATON himfelf 
 it contained the offer of an inftantaneous 
 engagement, with, a certain falary of fifteen 
 fhillings weekly, and what was more conci- 
 liating to a young mind, an unlimited choice 
 of parts The threats of hunger in perfpec- 
 tive, and the gratification of his ambition, 
 
 named TIM KELTY, who overheard his intrcatics, clefired 
 Mr, BELL'INGHAM to accompany him to his cabin, where 
 he boiled a piece of fhltcd pork and potatoes to fatisfy his 
 hunger, and gave him his own bed for the night, while 
 KELTY and his wife flept upon fome ftraw In the morn- 
 ing they gave their military gueft fome new-laid eggs, 
 beftowed their benediction, and all parties fcparated with 
 tears in their eyes During a refidence of twenty years 
 in India, Mr. BELLINGHAM by his merits rofe to the rank 
 of Colonel, and acquired an independent fortune When 
 he returned to Ireland, the firft thing he did was to fcarch 
 after his poor benefactor and his wife; but alas, TIM had 
 departed froin his mottal ambition, two years previous to 
 the Colonel's arrival, who fettled a handforae annuity 
 upon the poor fellow's widow. 
 
 rekindled
 
 ( H7 ) 
 
 rekindled the cooling embers of dramatic 
 folichude The aukward pofition of his af- 
 fairs required difpatch He mufed and he 
 meditated, till at length, putting three 
 crowns every feven days in the fcale of his 
 judgment againft law, phyfic and divinity, 
 the learned profeflions kicked the beam, 
 and EDWIN reclaimed his fcenic honors at 
 Eewdley. 
 
 During the comedian's progrefs from 
 London to Bewdley, he journied with a 
 Ihrewd old codger, who appeared in fome 
 degree attached to the theatric tyro, and 
 gave him the following important cautions, 
 as mental armour againft the impofitions of 
 humanity. 
 
 SOCIAL BEACONS. 
 
 When you hear a man talk much about his honor, or a 
 woman about her chaftity, be affured that both have been 
 doubted. 
 
 When you cheapen an article in a warehoufe, be a/lured 
 that the dealer is labouring to prove what his commodities 
 are not, not what they are. 
 
 When you fee a man carrying a child, and his wife 
 ftrutting unencumbered, it is a province to a Seville 
 orange, that he is not the father. 
 
 P;4 When
 
 ( * 4 s ) 
 
 When any ofTcr you a benefit, incontinently accept it, 
 as the defire to ivnder you fervice will not increaie with 
 your merit ! 
 
 When your friend avers his love is beautiful, fee the 
 object before you give him credit, as beauty is more often 
 in the eye of the lover than the perfon of the beloved. 
 
 When you are fmote by a feeming calamity, da not 
 droop, as the greateft felicities often originate in torment^ 
 
 Never cro to law take phyfic argue upon faith tell 
 lies, or fleep rpon your back. 
 
 In Bewdley, he reafiumed the honors of 
 his avocation ftrutted away his hour 
 was the lieutenant colonel of the Thefpian 
 affociation and confidered by his liftening 
 friends, like the difembarked crufaders in 
 the days of the Second RICHARD, more 
 valuable and more to be requested in conte- 
 qucnce of his recent migration. 
 
 When the voluptuous city of Bath had 
 its pleafures curtailed by the death of Ax- 
 THUR, the low comedian Mr. LEE, the 
 manager, roved in imagination about the 
 three kingdoms for an adequate fjccelTor 
 Various objefbs prelented themlclvcs to his 
 mind's eye, but none pafied the ordeal of 
 his judgment unqueftioned but EDV/IX A 
 
 letter
 
 ( 249 ) 
 
 letter was inftantly difpatched to Bewdley, 
 containing the offer of handfome terms ; 
 and EDWIN, flattered by the propofal to fuo 
 ceed fo great and eftimable a man, gave in 
 his refignation to Mr. HELTON Paid 
 his bill with punctuality Shook hands with 
 all the gentlemen, and kitted all the ladies 
 of the company found his heart lighter 
 upon his left rib by feven ounces, three pen- 
 ny-weights and fix grains Leapt into a ma-, 
 chine that was crofTing the country to 
 Marlborough Dined at the Devizes, and 
 fupped at the Bear, Cheap-ftreetj Bath, 
 October the 2d, 1768. 
 
 The firft character he aflumed on the Bath 
 itage was Perriwmkk in the Bcld Stroke for 
 a Wife, on the feventh of the fame month ; 
 and the fecond, Sir Harry Sycamore, in The 
 Maid of the Mill > and fo nearlv perfect was 
 he in both, that notwith (landing ARTHUR. 
 had been a great favourite with the critics 
 ofSomerfetfhire, EDWIN was received with 
 evident marks of attention and applaufe 
 The part of Patty was then enacted, by 
 Mrs. MAHON, now the wife of JOHN PAL- 
 MER,
 
 ( 250 } 
 
 MER, Efq. Comptroller- General of the 
 Poft- Office. 
 
 It was at this sera, that he became firft 
 acquainted with Mrs. WALMSLEY, who was 
 then a reputable millener in Horfe-flreet 
 The confequences of this connection are too 
 well kno* n to make a recital here necefTary 
 
 As EDWIN had now procured a fixed 
 place of refidence, his curvetting* as an er- 
 ratic, were more circumfcribed He had 
 a prefcribed duty to perform, which he per- 
 formed well I mnft imagine, from events, 
 that this gentleman was goaded by Ambi- 
 tion's keeneft fpur- and his action muft 
 have been equal to the impulfe^ as he evi- 
 dently reached the fummit Individuals 
 thus gifted and thus rewarded,, create an in- 
 ftancc from which polifhed Society may 
 proudly triumph over Barbarifm it is in 
 the perfection of Science, and not the 
 amendment of Morals, that this advantage 
 is eftablifhed. 
 
 C^SAR had his Lieutenant s y and LEE 
 his aids aids mod glorious EDWIN did 
 
 his 
 4
 
 his beft that Is, all that can be done by in- 
 eftimable talent 
 
 I have heard EDWIN (when fumming up 
 the meafure of his temporal "felicities) de- 
 clare, that it was on the twenty-fifth of 
 December, in that year, when his faculties 
 were more harmonized by the concurring 
 events of fortune operating upon a young 
 mind unblackened by the tints of guilt, than 
 at any other period of his being A -well 
 fekcted party of guilelefs friends had met in 
 domeftic triumph, to celebrate the divine 
 million of the MESSIAH ! circling the fef- 
 tive board, they gave themfelves to the 
 embraces of Innocence and Feftivity their 
 mirth was hallowed by their faith, and an 
 impulfe more than human, touched the. 
 Chords of fenfibiiity with fupreme blifs. 
 
 In my feeble opinion, the firft grand in- 
 road of mortal perdition will be evinced, 
 by the appearance of Ibcial contu-nacy on 
 an anniverfary ib pregnant with eventual be- 
 flefit as CHRISTMAS DAY. 
 
 IJpw
 
 How this important epoch fliould he pafT- 
 cd by CHRISTIANS, is fufficiently obvious, 
 with exultation and with gratitude, with 
 Piety fpringing from the Heart, with the 
 figh of filent Joy> with Rapture fmi!ing!y iq 
 
 For the different Seffs of CHRISTIANITY 
 here at lead are unanimous in the recollec- 
 tion of the day that brought the heft Eleffm'g 
 into the World the Redeemer of miferable 
 man. 
 
 <"' Who toueh'd the fiTm that clogg'd the vifual ray, T 
 *' And on the fightlefs eye-bail pour'd the day. 1 ' 
 
 The infinite diver fity of opinions among 
 iis, is by the Philofopher confidered as the 
 innumerable branches of one vaft ocean t in- 
 terfefled by various lands, and dricrimi- 
 nated by oppofing peculiarities. 
 
 We fhould diftruft our civn opinions, did 
 they not teach us UNIVERSAL CHARITY. 
 
 To thofe who unfortunately think not 
 v/ith any of the above, over whom this day 
 paffcs with no exulting emotions, I yet wiih 
 to prefs one fhort reflection, by which, even
 
 ( "-53 ) 
 
 to tbew, this day may be produ<5Hve of 
 peculiar good Separate as it is from noife 
 and from bufincfs y let it be devoted to re- 
 trolpedt upon the YBAR that is about to 
 fafs away upon time, which memory has 
 marked with unmerited mercies upon a 
 period in which much muft be regretted 
 Thus even the UNBELIEVER may partici- 
 pate the blefling, if retrofpection convince 
 him of tiiz necejfity of VIRTUE to HAPPI- 
 NESS If, by thus pondering, his Life 
 Ihould afpire to Moral Purity > he will not 
 be very/^r from the beft parts of a Religion 
 that inculcates the mod wide and unbound- 
 ed philanthropy for every thing that exills. 
 
 In 1770, EDWIN, EG AN, and SUMMERS, 
 went to Briftol Fair, and the following bill 
 lying upon the table at the Bufh Tavern, the 
 oddity of the contents induced them to pay 
 Mr. COOKE a viQt. 
 
 COOKE's GRAND MEDLEY, 
 
 By his MAJESTY'S SKUVANTE, 
 
 At the Theatre Royal, tU- Fourteen Star?, 
 
 DURING the Time of the FAIR. 
 
 The Great CROKOMONOCO, will 
 
 open his Mouth wide, and Swallow the Gitat 
 
 ACJ-K.ABEECO. 
 
 Four
 
 C yi ). 
 
 Four and Twenty of his Majefty's Company of Co- . 
 medians, will inhanulate a Droll, called a 
 
 PATCH TOR ALL FLAWS ; 
 
 The Querimaniums Actors will move a Minuet Delia Gout. 
 
 Tumbling by a Gemini of Dexterous Fellows. 
 
 Singing by a Young Lady from Madame 
 
 Venus's Boarding School. 
 The Budget will be open'd byfoine of the bef: aflors, from 
 
 moft of the Theatres Royal in Great Britain. 
 
 Pit and Boxes to be laid together at two-pence a peace, 
 
 the phlebein Gallery one penny. The Candles to be 
 
 fnuff'd by Sig. Snufcm, for his own Divertion. 
 Nothing under full price will be taken, nor any Perfon 
 
 admitted but in full drefs. 
 
 A good Fire is provided for the imatilick Canftitutions. 
 
 We begin, to perform exactly when the grand Band 
 
 of Mufick opens. 
 
 The Msdlgy did not terminate much to 
 the honor of Mr. COOKE Crokcmonzco and 
 jfigeraleeco were both importers The Patch 
 for fill Flaws, was nothing more than a full 
 purfe, and the young Lady from Fwuis 
 Hoarding School, lung very like a bird called 
 
 After this, they proceeded to fee a tawny 
 Lion from Bombay,- and two wild cats from. 
 Abyfinnia. While they viewed thelc pro-. 
 digious animals, a fellow v.'ith but one eye, 
 
 and
 
 and the hinder part of his wig before, enter- 
 tained them with Handel's Water-^iecs 
 upon a fait box ! 
 
 When they had taken their peep and 
 were fatisfied, a confultation was held as to 
 the propriety of immediately returning to 
 Bath, and as EDWIN was giving his opinion, 
 a dreadful, grating, thundering crafn bur 11 
 upon their confounded fenfes This harfh 
 falute ifiued from the throat of an old brazen 
 trumpet, which a varlet, with the portrait of 
 a gridiron on his bread, was blowing im- 
 mediately behind them, and fo loud that it 
 feemed like a rehearfal of the Clarion's 
 deepeft tone, before the day of Judgment 
 the fummons had its eflecl: They all in- 
 ftantly turned round, and difcovered feveral 
 gaudy ladies and gentlemen in Roman 
 fhapes, and European habits, arranged in 
 a temporary gallery; and inviting all a- 
 round them to enter the booth and fee 
 wonders, wonders, and wonders On a 
 board in the front was written in large 
 char afters, 
 
 JOSSON'S
 
 JOBSON'S COMICAL FAMILY, 
 On ALL the WORLD IN A NUT SHELL. 
 
 When they had paid their three-pence 
 each, and taken their feats on fome wooden 
 benches unplaned, flanked with three Welch 
 girls from Monmouth on the right, and 
 two drunken colliers from Kingfwood on 
 the left, the attending mufician began, and 
 the varied clamours of the loft in fome de- 
 gree fubfided That the triumvirate might 
 not be in total want of temporal comforts, 
 EDWIN carried fome brandy in a pint bottle, 
 and EGAN fome fea bifcuits The fable 
 gentlemen on their left vociferoufly thunder- 
 ing, " dom tin why don't un begin r" 
 Mr. JOBSON thought it expedient to com- 
 mence the drollery, and in obedience to 
 his beheft, a bell was rung and the dra- 
 matis 'perjonx hurried to their feveral fta- 
 tions When the filthy tormentor of car- 
 gut had fcraped a few bars of that favorite 
 jig of Amphion's, commonly called the 
 JH-ck Joke, t.-.i following fingnlar colloquy 
 btgan.
 
 
 FlDDLBK. 
 
 Mr. PUNCH, Mr. PUNCH, why don't you come, you 
 handfome, agreeable dog, the ladies have been impatient 
 this half hour ? 
 
 PUNCH, (to be fpoken nafally) 
 
 (From behind the Scences) Tell the dear creaturea 
 Me. FIDDLER, I'll be with themasfoon as I'm dreft 
 Zounds you would not have a gentleman come among 
 the ladies, as Adam did into the Orchard, without his 
 fmall cloaths Hey, you comical dog Lock here ! I'm a 
 naked as Truth, and as ftraight as a whipping pofti 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 
 But \vhy Mr. PUNCH do you put on your wautcoat 
 before your fhirt ? it is the fafhion in Somerfetiliire, to 
 put on the Hurt firft. 
 
 PUKCH. (from behind the fcenes) 
 Oh ! I have a reafon for that ! 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 A reafon have you, pray what is that, Mr. PuscaJ 
 
 PUNCH. 
 Why, you fool, I've none to put on- 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 Very cogent and fatisfactory indeed* 
 
 Enter PUNCH (cocking his right leg before hj^i, 
 finging) tol, lol, de rol, lol, lol, lardee, tol, 161, lol, lol, 
 iardee whguee, \vhgee, whguee t 
 
 VOL. I- S FIDDLER,
 
 FIDDLER. 
 Why Mr. PUNCH, you are quite merry to-day. 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 Yes, you fool, I'm as merry as nine beef-fteaks and 
 why fliould not I, hey Mr. FIDDLER ! I can pay fcot and 
 tot fwaflow a bullet, and defy the devil. 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 
 Where have you been Mr. PUNCH on your travels 
 ! fuppofe to find the head of the Nile, eat a lion, and 
 kickpoflibility? 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 ts T o, you fool, I've been to the wars. 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 
 To the wars, Mr. PUNCH I well, and what did you do 
 there ? 
 
 PUNCH. 
 I kill'd a man J 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 Kill'd a man, pray how did you do that Mr. PUNCH ? 
 
 PUNCH. 
 How ! why I cut off his leg. 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 
 Cut off his leg that is a queer way of killing a ma 
 Mr. PUNCH, but why didn't you cut off his head I 
 
 PUNCH.
 
 PUNCH* 
 Oh ! I've a reafon for that. 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 What reafon, Mr.'PuNca? 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 Why, you fool, his head was off before tol, lol, lol, 
 lol, lol, lardee Mr. FIDDLER, do you know that I'm 
 rery lemancholy ? 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 I am very forry to hear that, Mr. PUN eft. 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 You forry ! you be d d. D'ye hear is my phyfic 
 
 ready ? 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 What phyfic, Mr. PUNCH ? 
 
 PUNCH, 
 
 What phyfic, you blockhead ! why the phyfic I ordered 
 from my chymift's in nvbibus the elixir of felicity, and 
 balfam of badinage, 
 
 During this part of the polite dialogue, 
 between PUNCH and the FIDDLER, che dra- 
 matic knot were taking each a bumper of 
 Veau ds vie, and EDWIN, who had made a 
 few inroads upon fobriety, hearing I'UXGH 
 aflc for phyfic, thought he could not do 
 S 2 him
 
 ( 260 ) 
 
 hirft a greater favour, than by offering him 
 opoortunely, a dram of coniac thus 
 refolved, he addrefied the wooden chief. 
 
 EDWIN*. 
 
 Pray Mr. PUNCH, will you do me the honour to accept 
 a toothful of brandy ? 
 
 PUXCH. 
 
 You, and pray who the devil arc you ? 
 
 Emvis. 
 
 It is the very beft fort I allure you, I bought It not 2H 
 hourfirjce, at the Greenman and ftill, inHighftreet 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 Pooh, pooh, pooh, friend, I have better fphits of 
 my o\vn. 
 
 EowrN. 
 
 Better fpfrits Mr. PUNCH > give me Ic.tre to fay Sir, that 
 is impoffible but may I make fo bold as to alk, <wko is 
 jour diftiller? 
 
 PUN'CH. 
 
 FWN, are you anf\vered my dear? tol, lol,de rol, lu!, 
 lardec. 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 Don't affront your beft Mciids Mr. PUNCH, 
 
 Fuse*
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 Shut your mouth, you fool, and keep your belly warm 
 w-are all my things ready for the ball this evening ray- 
 rainbow coloured coat, my wooden hofe, and my double 
 breafted wig ? - he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh dear, oh, 
 4ear, 
 
 FIDDLER. 
 
 Why you are very Jocofe, all on a fudden Mr. PUNC,H 
 what is the matter ? 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 The beft joke imaginable: do you know, Mr. FIDDLER, 
 I had but one fhirt in the world, and as my wife Jo NY was 
 holding it this morning before the fire, it fell in and was 
 burnt why don't you laugh now you flupid hound ? 
 
 Thefe words were fcarcely delivered by 
 the pliant jaws of poor PUNCH, when a 
 black gentleman entered the lifts, whom 
 they were given to underftand was no lels 
 a hero than the devil himfelf A conflict 
 enfued, and PUNCH did his beft- But alas, 
 he could not compete with the Prince of 
 Darknefs To be brief, his Satanic majefty 
 feizedhis wooden prey, and giving a fort of in- 
 fe/nal whiz, vanifhed into regions beyond 
 mortal ken ! To remove the impreflions of 
 S 3 melancholy
 
 melancholy from the afflicled audience, 
 Mr. JOBSON deputed a red haired fpinfter 
 about fourteen years old, to amufe them 
 with balancing three unfheathed fwords upon 
 her comely nofe with the points downward. 
 
 The bonne louche was kept for the laft * 
 it was a regular drama, entitled, 
 
 The SIEGE of TROY, 
 
 Dramatis Perfon*e. 
 
 Hector Mr. Merryman, 
 
 Achilles Mr. Andrew. 
 
 Phyfician Mr. Jobfon. 
 
 O'Drifcol Mr. Murphy. 
 
 The curtain was drawn up, and the Gre- 
 cian camp difcovered when a large party 
 of Greeks and Trojans entered from the 
 oppofite wings Hector, Achilles and 
 O'Drifcol were animated, the reft were very 
 hantffomely fashioned out of pieces of pafte- 
 board, and appeared full as majeftic as the 
 fupernumeraries of the metropolitan theatres 
 
 When
 
 . When Hector and Achilles had fhaken 
 Jiands, both flript to their fhirts to decide 
 which was the better man After ibme pu- 
 giliftic manoeuvres which would not have 
 difgraced JOHNSON, the fturdy for. of Thetis 
 (truck the branch of Priam in the bread 
 bafket by a ftraight forward blow, and 
 brought his adverfary to the ground 
 O'Drifcol, diffracted at his friend Hector's 
 overthrow, thus bellowed for affiftance 
 
 O'DRISCOL, 
 
 A doftor, 3. doftor, ten pound for a do&or! 
 
 f nter PHYSICIAN - 
 
 PHYSICIAN'. 
 Here am I ! - t 
 
 O'DRISCOL, 
 
 VMaat can you cure ? 
 
 PHYSICIAN. 
 
 The cramp, the gout, the pain within and the paia 
 without ! 
 
 O'Drifcol. 
 
 O, boderation to your nonfenfe can you bring a dead 
 ran to life again ? 
 
 $ 4 PHYSICIAN.
 
 PHYSICIAN. 
 
 Oh marry, that I can take a little of my tip-tap, pnt 
 it on your nip-nap, now rife up flaftier and fight again 
 
 After this fkilful adminiftrationj Hector 
 leapt from the ftage upon his legs cut a 
 few capers mads a faraband, and was 
 carried off in triumph This event con- 
 cluded the variegated performance 
 
 As EDWIN'S pecuniary refource was then 
 only thirty-five (hillings weekly, he was 
 obliged to be fomevvhat ceconimical in the 
 expenditure but his ambition was cherifhed 
 by public encouragement, and he confident- 
 ly looked forward to a time when his ability 
 to be generous fhould be tqual to his 
 wifhes * 
 
 Though 
 
 * As the movements of eminent individuals are worth 
 a record, I have fubjoined a Flay Bill \vhich\viJIindubi-\. 
 tably proxe a treat to the curioya in general, and the 
 Drama-loving part of fociety in particular. It difplays 
 the viciflitudes of exigence, and proves, agreeably to. 
 the letter of Holy Writ, that the lajtJbaUbe frjl The 
 leading peribnages are Mrs. SIDDONS and Mr. Jons 
 PHILIP KEMBLE. The circuinllances occurred / 
 .
 
 Though his means were reftrifted, his me- 
 rits were not lie felt himfelf blifsful, bc- 
 oaufe he had the power to iatisfy both the 
 audience and his generaliflimo he bore the 
 
 incumbent 
 
 three yean fincc, when the heads of VK& fortunate if not 
 felicitous family, were paying their devoirs to Melpomene 
 under the aufpices of their migrating father, who may feel 
 feme pride at being the parent of fuch a fon and daughters 
 for though I da not altogether fubfcribe to the means 
 which they have -praftifed to fubdue competition, and efta- 
 fclifh their own particular authority, I certainly confider 
 them as beings higher gifted than the ordinary members 
 of human nature. 
 
 The following is the facjtmile of a Play Bill in which 
 Mrs. SIDDONS was announced to Sing! the wonderful 
 JOHN PHILIP KEVBLE to enadl the Duke of York, :m<l 
 Mrs. Tvviss, the Duke of GhuccjL-r-r 
 
 " We know what we are, but \ve know not 
 " What we may be. 7 ' 
 
 Thofe were the days of family humiliation ere the hero 
 "had been irradiated by the precepts of 3 Flemifli College, 
 or the heroine uplifted by the contributions of the wrang- 
 ling Ear. The applaufe of a Clown was then acceptable, 
 bvcaufc the approbation denoted that Six-pence more was 
 jidded to the general flock the hiffes of a Clown were 
 not refilled, becaufe thofe hides were then fuppofed to 
 Ulue from prerogative^ 
 
 WORCESTER
 
 ( 266 ) 
 
 incumbent -weight of his duty like a young 
 Atlas, and though his afiumption of comic 
 character was nearly general, the execution 
 was too congenial to his faculties to give pain. 
 
 WORCESTER, February 12, 1767, 
 Mr. Kembles, company of Comedians. 
 At the Theatre at the King's Head, this evening, \viil 
 be performed a Concert of mufic, to begin exactly at fix, 
 o'clock. 
 
 Tickets to be had at the ufual Places. 
 Iktu-een the Parts of the Concert will be prefentedj^ra/w, 
 A celebrated Hiftorical Play (ne-ver performed here) called 
 
 CHARLES THE FIRST. 
 The Characters to be drefled in Antient Habits, according 
 
 to the frifhion of thofe times. 
 
 The part of King Charles, Mr. Jones ; 
 
 Duke of Richmond, Mr. Siddons ; 
 
 Marquis of Lindfay, Mr. Saiifbury ; 
 
 liifliop Juxon, Mr. Fowler ; 
 
 General Fairfax, Mr. Kemble ; 
 
 Colonel Ireton, Mr. Crump ; 
 
 Colonel Touitinfon, Mr. Hughes ; 
 
 The part of Oliver Cromwell, Mr. Vaughan; 
 
 Servant, Mr. Butler ; 
 James Duke of York (afterwards King of England), 
 
 Matter J. Kemble. 
 The Duke of Gloucefter (King Charles's younger Sor/}, 
 
 Mifs Fanny Kemble ; 
 Serjeant Bradfhaw (Judge of the pretended High Court of 
 
 Juftice) Mr. Burton ; 
 The Young Princcfs Elizabeth, Mifs Kemble ; 
 
 Ladr
 
 In June 1775, he was engaged to play 
 at FOOTE'S Theatre in the Hay Market, at 
 a falary of three pounds per week, an.d in 
 the latter part of that month, made his firil 
 profeflional bow to a London Audience, in 
 the part of Flaw, in FOOTE'S Comedy of 
 the Cozeners His fuccefs in this attempt 
 did not equal the expectation of his friends 
 
 Lady Fairfax, Mrs. Kemble ; 
 
 The Part of the Queen, Mrs. Vaughan. 
 
 Singing between the Atfts by Mrs. Fowler and Mifs 
 
 Kemble. 
 
 TO which will be added a Comedy, called 
 THE MINOR. 
 
 And on Saturday next, the i4th inft. \vill be again 
 prefented the above Tragedy, with a Farce that will be 
 exprefled in the Bills for the Jay. 
 
 ** The days of Performance are Mondays, Thurf- 
 days, and Saturdays. 
 
 The incidental variations of this Theatric progeny 
 fhould operate to good purpofe* the banifliment of 
 defpair from the bofoms of the meaneji of the TJ?efpian 
 Corps. Who is more circumftantialiy tiodden down 
 than this progeny were? who is more magnificently en- 
 throned than this progeny are? While Hope has 
 exiftence in the human mind, the chequered progreft of 
 the KEMELES maybe brought forward to exemplify her 
 ta.cit dogmas. 
 
 at
 
 at Bath The fecond part he perpetrated 
 jn the local head of Britain, was Jobjon in 
 the Devil to Pay-, in this character his latent 
 greatnefs as a Comedian began to glimmer, 
 and the critics of the day, fyoke of him in 
 the language of hope, and FOOTE approved 
 of his demeanor but the firft time he was 
 uplifted by univerfal applaufe, was the fuo 
 cceding morning after he had played Billy 
 Button jn the Maid of Bath all the papers 
 of the day regiftered him a valuable acquifi- 
 tion, and what was before doubtful, no\v 
 became eftabliihed 
 
 He finifhed his career at the Hay-market 
 for that feaibn with eclat y and returned to 
 his friends in the Weft with accumulated 
 glory this was the laft feafon of FOOTE'S 
 management, and when that Theatre with 
 its concomitant appurtenances, were trarif- 
 fjrred to the Elder COLMAN, the lively 
 fubject of this memoir was included in the 
 transference, 
 
 In the fummer of 1776, he repeated his 
 dramatic eilays in the metropolis ?The 
 
 firft
 
 ftrft parts he performed under Mr. COL- 
 MAN'S management were Hardtaftle, in 
 Shi' Stoops to Conquer, and Midas Mifs 
 FARREF, of Drury Lane Theatre, made 
 her original curtefy to the Town, on the 
 fame night, in the Chara&er of Mifs 
 Hardcaftle. 
 
 I know there are, who Imagine that 
 F.DWIN was an indolent man, but whoever 
 have received fuch an impreffion upon their 
 thought, were egregioufly deceived His 
 attention to the beft Authors in our lan- 
 guage was unremitting, and he laboured 
 to mature his knowledge, and his dif- 
 crimination by every pofiible method 
 his attainments were not few, and he pofi- 
 tively nourifhed virtue in his heart, not- 
 withftanding the complexion of his being 
 But Ib effectually has malevolence con- 
 quered truth, that the morality of a player, 
 like the patriotifm of a Lawyer, is almoft 
 proverbially problematical Amid the 
 laugh-creating literally STERNE was the 
 foremoft in EDWIN'S efteem He did not 
 
 regard
 
 ( 270 ) 
 
 regard the labours of SWIFT*, with equal 
 reverence The firft he confidered as the 
 chaite difciple of Humour, the latter, as the 
 minifter of grofsneis- The firft, by in- 
 noxious pleafantry, made us love our fellow 
 creatures: The latter by filthy ridicule, 
 taught us to defpife what was intended by 
 the Creator to be honoured- He thought 
 STERNE made his wit, the harbinger of 
 focialgood, and SWIFT his afcribed plenitude 
 of lettered might, but the baneful agent 
 to make us difgufted with each other. 
 
 * EDV/I.V and I both agreed \vithDr. JOHNSON', and 
 Mr. HEROX, that SWIFT was undefcmng is great fame ; 
 a fortunate impoftor, who was boluered up by cotem- 
 porary friends, who when they had placed him on Hilts, 
 fhewed him to fociety as a great man, though his fitu- 
 ation was ridiculous, and his height artificial The beft 
 of his ballads would difgrace the walls of Bedlam, and I 
 am certain from obfervation, that ninety-nine out of a 
 hundred, who have his works in their libraries, excepting 
 his Gulliver, would not be compelled to read his fomnific 
 eflays, and crazy rhimes for a trifling conlkleration. 
 Many writers with infinitely more capacity than SWIFT, 
 who have not mingled with a junto of mutual puffers, 
 have funk in their graves with inconfiderable notice He 
 \vasanimitatorofRibelais, and affe-ftcd to laugh, when 
 his foul was a firanger to merriment. 
 
 In
 
 1 In the winter of 1777, EDWIN .invited 
 BERNARD and BRETT to partake of a bar- 
 rel of Colchefter oyfters Accordingly after 
 the farce, they adjourned to a fnug houfe 
 in the neighbourhood, and began to mafti- 
 cate with great eagernefs at the conclufion 
 EDWIN propofed a parting bottle, (as th'ey 
 had only taken porter with the oyfters ) 
 over which they recited a number of comi- 
 cal incidents -They had ail three traverfed 
 Judah's Barren Sands, alias the barren 
 Barns in villages, and (table lofts in ruftic 
 Inns the laugh encreafed fo much, that a 
 fecond, third and fourth bottle were intro- 
 duced before they found BRETT (to ufe hi* 
 own phrafe) a little rocky, upon whic h E D w : N 
 ply'd him the fafter, and fcmetimes daflied the 
 grape of Lufitania with fome choice old 
 rum The little gentleman made an excufeto 
 retire for a minute, having lefc his hat and 
 cane, but rinding the ftreetdoor open, and 
 fufpecting their defign, he took to his heels, 
 and ftaggered home Then EDWIN whif- 
 -percd the landlord, and they fat down and 
 carolled at the death of the fourth bottle- 
 The accommodating hofl returned and told 
 
 them 
 4
 
 C "-72 ) 
 
 tnem all was reat'y, and producing his bilf, 
 they found the fum required to be nearly 
 twenty {hillings EDWIN fwore he had not 
 a farthing in his galligafKins j but give it to 
 BERNARD, faid he " That fhabby fellow 
 owes me a couple of guineas thefe two 
 years, for which he ought to be afiiamed 
 Come pay the landlord,, and I'll wipe off* 
 the old affair, entre nous " To humour the 
 innocent frolic, BERNARD paid the amount 
 of the bill, and to his great furprife, when 
 they had got outfide of the dimunitive ta- 
 vern, found a couple of chairs in waiting 
 <c There, you dog," faid EDWIN, " get in 
 I always lake care of my friends Always 
 fee them fafe home, for drunk as you are, it 
 is ten to one, but you would ftray to fome 
 curfed Vlolante^ who would rob you of your 
 health and pence without remorfe; and 
 then in die morning I fhould be blamed for 
 your incontinence -They were not carried 
 three hundred yards when a halt was made 
 Upon BERNARD'S afking the reafon 
 " A friend of mine," faid EDWIN, "keeps 
 this houfe, JACK, and I never pafs by his 
 door without calling---!'!] give you fuch a. 
 
 treat
 
 treat you dog Damme he has fuch a 
 knack at mulling claret with eggs, you'll 
 find it balfamic 'Twill fave you the ex- 
 pence of an apothecary's bill, if you take it 
 often It is more valuable, you varlet, than 
 the panacea] of the college, or the brain of 
 Efculapius " The exhortation had its 
 effect, and in they ftumbled, where, with 
 the afiiftance of the company, they prefent- 
 ly difpatched three bottles " There now, 
 my boy," continued EDWIN, " don't you 
 ever pretend to play cribbage with me again 
 I did the younker here," faid he, " for 
 four bottles, but we'll call to-morrow and take 
 the other; fo lay out, Bardolph, layout" 
 Upon BERNARD'S remonftrating, he found 
 the people ripe for rudenefs, and therefore 
 paid the bill, which exhaufled the very 
 dregs of his purfe They fallied forth again, 
 and in ten minutes were (hewn into another 
 receptacle, where EDWIN called away as 
 before BERNARD whifpered his compa- 
 nion upon the impropriety of the meafure, 
 and told him the (late of his finances 
 " Here's a pretty fellow," roared EDWIN, 
 ff to come into an elegant houfe of this kind, 
 TOL. I. T and
 
 and call for mulled wine without a fous in 
 his pocket There, faid he, putting fix- 
 pence upon the table, is my fhare of the 
 bill, and if he can't pay likewife, charge 
 him with the watch." To prevent which, 
 BERNARD offered to charge them with bis 
 watch Rut the people at laft took his 
 word for ten (hillings, and they fet out once 
 more with a firm and mutual promife of 
 going immediately home -But the alarm 
 of a watchman's rattle foon difappointed 
 BERNARD'S hopes EDWIN founded a 
 parley with the nocturnal enemy, and again 
 called a halt; arm in arm they reeled to- 
 wards the place of action, to know the cauic 
 of commotion The inftant EDWIN ap- 
 peared, the kings of darknefs fet up a great 
 and general fhout BERNARD would have 
 made his efcape, but did not find himfelf 
 entirely mafter of his pedal appendages 
 EDWIN began to play Dogberry, and was as 
 rich and irrefiftibly laughable (BFRN-ARD 
 aflured me) as ever he remembered him. 
 
 The arrefted culprit was an Irilh old- cloaths 
 man, and kept a fhop of fome confiderablc 
 
 con-
 
 confequence when we joined the c'ava!* 
 cade, he began to tell his ftory " Ah you 
 parcel of thieves -let me tell the jonlman 
 how it was." "As for you,Mr. Seacoal" inter- 
 rupted EDWIN, fc if you have ufed this wor- 
 thy gentleman ill, I will fee you punifhcd" 
 
 " Oh by J 1 am glad I know your name, 
 
 faid PAT; to be fure, Mr. Sacoal, you did not 
 cut my face with that ill-looking fwitch of a 
 ftaff but that's neither here nor there, but as 
 I was faying, fir, after bothering all day be- 
 hind the counter Oh you noify vagabonds 
 well fir, I went to my countrywoman 
 yonder in that filthy paflfage Oh may 
 a fweeter fcent never come out of her 
 pot on a Chriftmas day So fays I my dar- 
 ling for we were both born (your honour) 
 clofe together, within a gun (hot of Lc-ck- 
 Neagh, not two miles afunder KATTY, 
 honey fays J her name's KATE DUNNA- 
 Hooyour honour KATTY fays I, have you 
 any thing for the tooth I iliould like A 
 warm poultice of broth, to draw the hun- 
 gry humour off my ftomach---fo KATTY 
 laughed, and told me if I'd go up ftairs, fhe 
 had a bargain for me, fo I followed the cra- 
 T 2 tcr
 
 ter rand when we got up" Cf Hufh" faid 
 EDWIN, ff you muft tell me that in private. 
 Gentlemen, faid he to the fons of night, 
 I muft have a moment's converfation alone 
 with this diflurber of the parifli peace, but 
 I leave my friend in pledge till my return ;" 
 thus faying, he took PADDY round the 
 corner, and perfuaded him to take to his 
 heels In this interval, BERNARD found 
 that EDWIN was not only known, but be- 
 loved by all thefe rattle carrying gentry 
 more than ever SHUTER was by the Chim- 
 ney fweepers Upon EDWIN returning 
 alone they afked with much eagernefs 
 where the prifoner was? " He is gone home, 
 faid EDWIN, for his great coat but come, 
 marfhal the way to KATTY DUNNAHOO'S, 
 \\here PADDY is to meet us, and I'll let this 
 matter to rights" They were obliged to walk 
 the'next ftage, as the chairmen, fatigued with 
 their lumber, had given them the flip, and 
 departed with their leathern falanquin 
 upon their arriving at the Irifh amazon's 
 EDWIN afiumed, though inebriate, an infi. 
 nite deal of gravity he ordered an arm 
 chair, and wearing the wig in which he had 
 
 played
 
 C 277 ) 
 
 played Doflor Rofy, in Mr. SHERIDAN'S 
 farce of Saint Patrick's Day } KATTY at firft 
 took him for one of the juftices that the 
 watchmen had brought to enquire into the 
 nature of the riot Upon feeing him fhein- 
 dandy left off fwearing, though a greater 
 adept in that fcience than any other, and 
 dropt a mild curifey. " Clark," faid ED- 
 WIN to BERNARD turning his wig "What 
 fays the flatute of Reformation made in the 
 reign of old Lear, when night broils were 
 by Somnus confidered as treafonous to re- 
 pofe ?" Here BERNARD mentioned a fine 
 that each party were obliged to difcharge in 
 an hour after detection EDWIN then took 
 his M. S. part of Doctor Rofy from his poc- 
 ket, and was proceeding to lay down the 
 law, when unfortunately one of the frozen 
 pimps of Luna called for aglafs of juniper, 
 and taking Mrs. DUNNAHOO afide, told her 
 who EDWIN was upon which (he (lily look 
 a fmall pot of water, and walking demurely 
 up to the great chair, difcharged the con- 
 contents full in EDWIN'S face: " there, Mr. 
 Lawyer, faid (he, is a proper fee for you--and 
 why you dirty Jack-pudding of a fellow do 
 T 3 you
 
 ( "-7* ) 
 
 you come to game an honeft woman in her 
 own houle ?" ihe was then proceeding to 
 greater extremities of refentment But 
 BERNARD interpofed, and held her arms 
 behind, while EDWIN very quietly broke 
 with a whanghee cane, all the jugs, bafons, 
 bowls, and glafies that hung within his 
 reacli This new injury fo enraged the 
 daughter of lerne that fhe ran to the end 
 of the paiTage, and bawled ten thoufand 
 murders ; upon which another gang of 
 confederated patroles entered the room, 
 but on feeing their common friend EDWIN^ 
 fhouted with mad fatisfaclion, like a 
 parcel of Indians, at the eve of a vic- 
 tory The Lady of the manfion charged 
 EDWIN only, and he charged her and 
 BERNARD, then away they fet out together 
 fjr the Watch Houfe, at three o'clock in 
 the morning but another pot-houfe pre- 
 femiiig a gleam from a melancholy rufh- 
 light, it was agreed by all parties to go in 
 there, and talk the bufmtfs over there 
 the flip flew about and in lefs than half an 
 hour, EDWIN and Katty killed and were good 
 fnends While the latter fun A a fong to the 
 
 tune
 
 ( 279 ) 
 
 tune of Sheelana gig, BERNARD feized the 
 opportunity of getting to the door and 
 cfcaping About fix o'clock, EDWIN was 
 brought home in triumph- on the watch- 
 mens llioulders. 
 
 At the commencement of the year 1779, 
 EDWIN and BRETT quitted the Theatre, 
 and rambled as far as the Devizes, where 
 they ftaid a fortnight During the progrefs 
 of this lunatic frolic, they frequently went 
 to the Bear, the principal Inn of the Town, 
 and kept at that time by Mr. LAWRENCE, 
 who was in the habit of amufing his cuf- 
 tomers of every degree, by reciting felect 
 paffagesfrom *MILTON'S Paradife Loft. On 
 their return to Bath, BRETT read an apology 
 from the flage to the audience As it 
 omprized the language of repentance, the 
 public were not obdurate, and the error 
 was forgiven When it was EDWIN'S turn 
 
 * Though VIRGIL and MILTON were both great 
 men, neither of them were godlike men ; the mind that 
 is fufficiently fervile to imitate, cannot be vigoroudy 
 creative I defpife imitation even in the higheft au- 
 thorities Virgil was but the ape of HOMER, and MILTOK 
 the monkey of b^h. 
 
 T 4 to
 
 to go on, he afiedted to treat the affair with 
 indifference, but was called to order by 
 MAJOR BRERETON from the boxes, who 
 infifted upon EDWIN'S exhibiting Ibme ftgn 
 of contrition this defire becoming general, 
 EDWIN partly complied, but was fecretly 
 refolved to quit the fpor, where local re- 
 ponfibility was fo irkfome and reductive. 
 
 It was about this Time that the dreadful 
 conteft occurred between the two French 
 Counts, RICE and Du BARRY, who carre 
 to Bath, and took a very Elegant Houfe, 
 entirely for the purpofe of Gaming They 
 had a very genteel Equipage, and lived 
 in the Amity of Brothers, and the fatal 
 Cataftrophe of Du BARRY did not aflonifli 
 the world more, than the manner and hurry 
 in which the whole affair was concluded 
 They had parted .friends in the afternoon, 
 and Du BARRY in the courfe of a few hours 
 found out, or fufpefled fomething fo much 
 to his own difiatisfaction, and the real or 
 apparent -VLLny of his affociate, that he 
 called on RICE in a coach about midnight, 
 accompanied by a Surgeon and a Second, 
 
 and 
 5
 
 2nd without coming to any explanation, forced 
 RICE to attend him to the fatal fpot upon 
 finding all remonftance vain, the latter 
 equipped himfeif and prevailed on a gentle- 
 man prefent to ftep into the coach, as his 
 friend, and fee the matter properly arranged 
 and conducted They endeavoured to get 
 fome explanation from Du BARRY, but 
 without effect Du BARRY demeaned him- 
 feif like a lunitic, and wanted to fight as 
 they fat together in the carriage, which of 
 courfe was ftrenuoufly oppofed by the 
 Seconds. They arrived on Clerken Down 
 at three o'clock in the morning, and were 
 obliged to feparate and walk about until 
 there was light enough to diftinguifh one 
 object from another In the horrid interim, 
 Du BARRY fwore that one or the other 
 fliould be left without a foul, and being an 
 excellent fhot, made no doubt of annihi- 
 lating RICE After the firft fire, it was 
 agreed that both parties fhould draw im- 
 mediately. They took their diftance at 
 about fix paces, in the prefence of their 
 Seconds, the Surgeons, Poft Boys and 
 fame labourers, who were accidentally- 
 going
 
 to their early toil Du BARRY dif- 
 charged his pillol fkft, and fliot RICE in the 
 hip he fell,andDu BARRY inftantly drew his 
 fword and was preparing to run him through, 
 when RICE, as he reclined on his elbow, 
 took aim and inftantly fhot Du BARRY fwho 
 was {landing over him) through the heart. 
 Thewounded Count leaped two or three 
 feet from the ground, and fell dead without 
 a groan. Du BARRY had a poft chaife and 
 four waiting for him with what cafh he was 
 in poflfeffion of, and two fets of diamond 
 buttons he had purpofely cut from his 
 cloaths R i c E immediately furrendered 
 himfelf tojuflice was tried at the enfuing 
 Taunton affizes, and honourably acquitted. 
 It is worth a remark, that the only liberty 
 HENDERSON ever took with his author was 
 in playing Falftaff, which he performed 
 while Du BARRY lay breathlefs on the 
 .Down ; to inforce the impreffion of that dif- 
 rnal circumftance, he changed the day as 
 thus, in fpeaking of honour " who hath it ? 
 he imprudently faid, " the man that fell on 
 Friday luft." 
 
 In
 
 ( "-83 ) 
 
 In the courfe of this feafon, EDWIN de- 
 livered a Comic Lecture three times in the 
 lower rooms of Bath, and twice at Win- 
 chefter and Southampton. 
 
 In the fummer of this year, while he was 
 performing at the Hay Market, he received 
 overtures from Mr. HARRIS, of Covent 
 Garden Theatre The terms offered at 
 firft, were four pounds per week; but 
 EDWIN was refolved on having feven 
 pounds, and continuing inexorable, the 
 manager complied, and the object folicited 
 was engaged. 
 
 The firft fcenic perfonage he reprefented 
 at Covent Garden, was tfouchftone in SHAKE- 
 SPEARE'S beautiful paftoral of As you Liki 
 it EDWIN did what he could, but the! 
 effort was not entirely fatisfactory He- 
 played Midas on the fame evening, and in 
 that part recovered all the dignity he had 
 forfeited in TouchftoneTht luminoufnefs of 
 the Prince of Burlettas began to appear, and 
 the public eye dazzled with radiance, before 
 that period unknown, 
 
 The
 
 The leading defign of Mr. HARRIS in 
 engaging EDWIN, was to do the part of 
 Punch in DIBDIN'S pantomine of Harlequin 
 Every Where- -a. part to which the compofer 
 knew no other individual competent ! His 
 vaft comic powers \\ere firft generally ac- 
 knowledged in Majler Stephen in Every Man 
 in his Humour From his fine adting on 
 that night, every thing great was prefaged 
 by thofe whole judgment warranted the en- 
 comiums of Renown. 
 
 At the conclufion of that feafon, he made 
 a new engagement with the manager, and 
 was fixed for three years at eight pounds 
 per week* At the expiration of that term 
 
 * Our moft eminent performers have originally had 
 fmall falaries LEE LEWES went to Covent Garden 
 Theatre in 1776, and had 30^. a week, as Second Harle- 
 quin to WOODWARD QUICK went to the fame Theatre 
 in 1767 they were both many years in the houfe with- 
 out opening their mouths LEE LEWES rofe to izl. 3. 
 week, when he left the Theatre five years ago, and 
 QUICK has now ta guineas both thefe Comedians raifed 
 their fame in the Comedy of She Stoops to Conquer LEE 
 LEWES'S Salary at that period was $i. At the end of 
 the feafon he made application to Mr. COLMAN for an 
 increafe of Salary, and afked him for j/. a week COL- 
 :;AX archly replied, Mr. LEWES, you area very good 
 .-, but you mall not jump quite fo high in my 
 Theatre, I aflure you ! 
 
 it
 
 ( S85 ) 
 
 it was incrcafed to twelve, and thus it con- 
 tinued until he was finally called from the 
 great Theatre of exiftence. 
 
 While fuavity of manner has a charm- 
 while the accomplifhment of honorable duty 
 is recommendatory, fhall EDWIN and his 
 merits be remembered with regret there 
 are not wanting thofe, who, arguing from 
 malignity and envy, would infer, that his 
 wild graces ought not to have been en- 
 couraged but fuch wilfully feparate the 
 caufe and confequence When diminutive 
 errors are productive of good effects, the 
 error fhould be noted with charity EDWIN 
 created a manner which our beft actors 
 eagerly imitate, and happy are they who 
 can catch any portion of his excellence, and 
 caft away the alloy of habit he laid the 
 foundation of a newfcbool 
 
 From evil habits, good effects are not 
 unfiequently deducible It was to the pro 
 digalities of the Tenth LEO that we are now 
 obliged for the fublime excellence of Italian 
 Murk. When'he wore the papal Tiara, 
 he protected PAI.ESTINA. PALESTINA was 
 
 then
 
 the founder of a School of Truth It was 
 LEO'S peculiar glory that he had an oppor- 
 tunity of foftering both. Genius then began 
 to blaze among the Ultramontane States- 
 The Houfes of MEDICI and MONTEFELTRO 
 caught the liberality of the Holy Father, 
 and gave origin to a confequence for which 
 the Creation is in debt SCARLETTI, 
 CORELLI, GEMINIANI, and MARTINI. 
 
 One of the greateft weaknefies in EDWIN'S 
 portrait was, an inordinate defire to be 
 thought a man of gallantry, and this dilpo- 
 fition was fo apparent, that his brother ac- 
 tors ibmetimes created a jeft at his expence 
 One of them having heard that a Mils 
 PENELOPE HIGGINBOTHAM, who lived in 
 Bloomfbury, poflefled of a fmall fortune, 
 was a woman of uncommon repulfion in 
 her manners, and had a moft infuperable 
 hatred to every thing mafculine, contrived 
 to write a letter to EDWIN in her name, 
 fignifying that fhe was enamoured of his 
 perfon, and requefted an immediate inter- 
 view at her houfe, at a particular hour in 
 
 the
 
 the evening The bait took, and 
 evinced by nods, winks and fmiles to his 
 companions in the Green Room, that he 
 had an affair on foot, which would awaken 
 envy in the boibm of the eighth HARRY, 
 the fineft woman in the world, and all that, 
 while they enjoyed his miftaken vanity In 
 lecret Every one being acquainted with the 
 contents of the letter, offered to engage 
 him to dinner, or on fome little party of 
 pleafure; but EDWIN was deaf to their en- 
 treaties The love fmitten fhepherd was 
 pregnant with the coming tranfport la, 
 his mind's eye, he beheld that ravager Time, 
 with a fcanty lock upon his wrinkled fore- 
 head limping with lazy ftep his prefcribed 
 journey towards eternity At length die ho- 
 rizon became forrbrous The fierce eagle 
 fought his dormitory in the cloud capt 
 rock, and the verdant hills receded from 
 the aching vifion Now, exclaimed the ad- 
 venturing kniglu - 
 
 . *' Tbe moon forlorn forfakes her \vate:y core, 
 And lifts her lovely head above the ware ; 
 The mart's tall fliadow trembles o'er the deep, 
 The f caceful v.iiitU an holy filenct keep:
 
 ( 288 ) 
 
 The watchman's carol echo'd from the provvjj 
 Alone, at times, awakes the ftill repofe." * 
 
 His imagination was full of the beauties 
 of the incognita, and oft he looked at his 
 watch before the hour accorded with his 
 wifties At length it did, when the expect- 
 ant youth gaily caparifoned leapt into a 
 coach, and .ordered the charioteer to drive 
 him to the vicinity of his angel's refidence. 
 
 When he made his enquiries, he was not 
 a little amazed to hear that the lady was 
 
 * When Mr. MICKLE went to Lifbon for the purpofc 
 of tranflatirsg the favourite poet ofLufitania, the Portu- 
 guefe received him with every mark of refpecl ; but when 
 they difcovered that he could not maintain a colloquy iu 
 the language, their politenefs Cckened into contempt, 
 until fome Englifh refidents of character, who had read a 
 part of his M. S. with approbation, afiured them that it 
 was very poffible for a man to tranflate a language faith- 
 fully, who could not reduce it with aptitude to the com- 
 mon concerns of life ; as has frequently been the cafe with 
 the tranflators of the claffics But after the tranflation of 
 the Luftad had made its appearance, he accompanied 
 COMMODORE JOHNSTON to the Portuguefe capital, and 
 was received, even by the Royal Family, with attentions 
 bordering upon national gratitude. 
 
 dif.
 
 aiflinguifned by the coarfe appellation of 
 JACK HIGGINGBOTHAM But this did not 
 retard his defires He walked boldly up to 
 the door, and knocked with the confidence 
 of fucceis The gentle lady was a unique 
 in nature She efchewed lafcivioufnefs, and 
 looked at the male gender with as much 
 antipathy as a Goth beheld the inilruments 
 of Tafte Her juices were fo much fouied, 
 that the fun-beam could not heighten their 
 acidity She thought man a monfter, and 
 procreation a curfe When he was ufhered 
 into the parlour, he found his divine charm- 
 er to be on the wrong fide of fixty Some- 
 tyhat lefs than an elephant, and arrayed in 
 a flowered fattin, which had probably been 
 manufactured in the days of Elizabeth 
 The capacity of her mouth was only limited 
 by her ears ; and fhe held a diminutive white 
 fpaniel in her lap, which ever and anon, 
 fhe kilfed with ardour; though each em- 
 brace threatened the abforption of the ani- 
 mal, and feemed like the falute of love 
 from a conger eel to a cockle Her hands 
 were of the colour of olives, except the 
 extreme mufcles of her fore-finger and 
 VOL, I. U thumb;,
 
 tliumb, which were tinted with the deepefl 
 dyes of mahogany This portion of her 
 perfonal beauty was artificial, and acquired 
 by the frequent ufe Ihe made of thofe ready 
 agents to convey loads of rappee to her aqui- 
 line frobofcis When he had unfolded the 
 nature of his vifit, fhe eyed the comedian 
 xvith a fort of hungry fury ; and looked 
 as pleafant as the. Cumean Sybil, when Fu- 
 turity depicted" the MeiTiah Her vocal 
 tones were horridly preternatural, and 
 founded like the grating of a door or the 
 eafl wind in a cranny Ringing the bell 
 fhe fummoned two antient Abigails to 
 her aid, almoft as lovely in perfbn as 
 herfelf But the fortitude of the minftrel 
 forfook him, when he faw her feize the po- 
 ker and whifper her defires He inftinftive- 
 ly turned towards the door, which for- 
 tunately was left open, and fearing a fecond 
 edition of the Thracian cataflrophe, ran or 
 rather tumbled into the ftreet with the cele- 
 rity of a greyhound, and never (lopped to 
 look behind him until he got to the fleps of 
 Saint George's church, where he fat himfelf 
 4 down
 
 down took off his hat, and fanned his 
 alarmed pulfes into a flate of temperature. 
 
 The embarrafiments of ridicule, are em- 
 barrafiments not eaGly fubdued * the 
 
 Some years ago, when Mr. FULKE GREVILLE was 
 paying his addrefies to Miss MACARTNEY, and Mr. 
 WELEORE ELLIS to Mifs STANHOPE, it was agreed by 
 all the parties, who thenlived in habits of confidence, to 
 take an airing in Saint James's park when they had feated 
 themfelves upon a bench in the tnall, a little woman, 
 evidently intoxicated, reeled towards the polite afiem- 
 blage, and infifted upon killing Mr. ELLIS this circufn- 
 ftance at firft only tended to create mirth in all except 
 Mr. ELLIS himfelf, who being, though young, of a fa- 
 turnine difpofition, he repelled the woman's freedom 
 with marks of haughty difguft however, me was not to 
 be diverted from her purpofe fo readily, but purfued her 
 odd requeft, until a general embarraffinent was the confe- 
 qucnce At length a lufty elderly man appeared who 
 knew the woman, when Mr. ELLIS ir.treated him for the 
 love of God, to take the creature away But the inebri- 
 ate female perfifting in her ftrange determination, the old 
 Dian exclaimed with modi fang froid, " Why loid help 
 
 you Mrs. JONES, you are furtly mad, you can't the 
 
 gentleman, indeed the gentleman if he pleafes may 
 
 you'' this fpeech clenched the whole affair it was too 
 nauch for the tolerance of common delicacy, and the 
 Ladies and Gentlemen inftantly fcudded through the 
 ftable yard, outwardly chagrined, and inwardly diver- 
 ted ! 
 
 U 2 Comic
 
 ( 29* ) 
 
 comic iffue of this adventure, was foon cir- 
 culated in the green room, and EDWIN was 
 not a little mortified to difcover, that the 
 whole affair had been dramatifed before the 
 regular performance ! 
 
 While EDWIN was at breakfaft, in the 
 fecond year of his refidence in London, the 
 followlngrnelancholy ad venture occured- -He 
 was accofted in a very extraordinary man- 
 ner by a young Woman of much perfonal 
 beauty, but in apparent diftrefs The fpirit 
 of the requeft was involved in a wifh, 
 through his fuppoied interell to get an en- 
 gagement at Co vent Garden Theatre Af- 
 ter excufing himfelf on the fcore of inability, 
 the fair fupplicant told her tale She had 
 been feducecSi by fome mifcreant, under a 
 promife of marriage when fhe proved 
 pregnant, her father caft her on the work], 
 and the author of her miiery foribok her 
 To elude the laft extremes of hunger, fhe 
 joined a ftrolling company of players, and 
 made her firft appearance in DESDEMONA 
 in a fmall tovrn in Mteriweitifaire But her 
 
 memory
 
 memory too frequently delineating that pin- 
 nacle of blifsful innocence from which flic had 
 Ib recently fallen the weight of her Ibrrows 
 bruifed her underftanding and the confe- 
 quence was^^-dHcharge upon the icore of 
 incapacity. 
 
 Before the ftricken wanderer took her 
 leave, fhe ^c/^difplay her dramatic powers 
 The Theipian mania is a lunacy of all 
 others the mod incurable The following 
 fublime effufion of the peerlefs daughter of 
 Brabtmtio was her choice : 
 
 * My mother had a maidcall'd BARBARA : 
 She was in love, and he flie lov'd prov'd mad, 
 And did foriake her. She had a fong of willow ; 
 An old thing it was, but it exprefled her fortune, 
 And /lie died finging it. That foug to-night 
 Will not go from my mind : I have much to do, 
 E'en to go hang my head all at one fide, 
 And flag it like poor BARBARA." 
 
 When Ihe had finifhed, her auditor was 
 
 in tears. He gave her fuch a trifle as his 
 
 circumstances warranted' conducted her 
 
 U ? with
 
 with the -utmoft tendernefs to the door, and 
 the affair ended. 
 
 It is a point well worth investigation, to 
 inquire whether exquifite fenfibility is not 
 Draught with more pain than pleafure The 
 energies of fenfe are too often afflictive. 
 
 The following letter was written by an un- 
 happy Lady of my acquaintance a few years 
 jfmce to her friend at Bath- 
 
 DEAR EMILY, 
 
 The various emotions which agitated my diffracted 
 fool, have fubfided, and I am no\v calm. I am alone, 
 snd in no danger of interruption ; the infignificants that 
 fluttered round me are fled, and their departure gives me 
 no uneafinefs. 
 
 I am at leifure to confider what I have been, and what 
 I am ; admired, applauded, courted ; avoided, def- 
 pifed, pitied. However, when I take a view of my own 
 heart, the profpecl is lefs gloomy. I have been incauti- 
 ous, but not abandoned ; indifcrect, but not vicious j 
 faulty, but not depraved. 
 
 If female virtue confifts, as I have fometimes been told 
 ia female reputation, my virtue is indeed gone j but if,
 
 ( '95 ) 
 
 ar my fuberer reafon teaches, virtue be independent on 
 human opinion, I feel myfelf its ardent votary, and my 
 heart is pregnant with its nobleft principlts. The chil- 
 dren of ignorance cannot, and the chikhenof malevolence 
 will notj comprehend this ; but I court not their approba- 
 tion, or fear thgir vehemence. 
 
 My foul, it mud be owned, was formed of fenfibility ; 
 formed for all the luxury of the melting paffions ; but 
 it i, equally true, that the fevered delicacy was ever an 
 
 aflociate of my mind. The groves of M can 
 
 witnefs, that whenever the loves prefided at the glorious 
 banquet, the graces were not abfent ; that in the very 
 delirium of pleafure, the extacy was chaftened, and the 
 tranfport was re drained My underftanding was never 
 made procurer to my tender wifiies ; nor did I ever call 
 in the wretched aids of a fceptical and impious philofophy 
 to countenance my unhappy fall. Though nature was my 
 goddefs, and my lawgiver, I never dreamt of appealing 
 .from t'.ie decifionsof pofitive indituttons. My principles 
 were uncorrupted, whild my heart was warm ; and if I 
 
 fell a woman, I fell , like Cxfur with decent 
 
 dignity. 
 
 The defpoiler of my nuptial honor is a man, too lovely 
 for refiftance---his perfon is auguft and his language per- 
 fuafive he breathes delight and he communicates rapture 
 v/hen he knelt at my feet, I thought the afhes of Ado- 
 nis were reimbodied, and the queen of Cyprus forfaken- 
 
 " Then he would talk -good Gods hew he would 
 
 talk: 7 ' 
 
 But of this enough T am well aware, the world is not 
 
 my friend nor the world's law.-I neither expect nor defire 
 
 U 4 its
 
 The following defcriptive fevere lines 
 were found among EDWIN'S papers after 
 his deceafe While he was living, he never 
 would fuffer them to be pubiiihedj they 
 
 originated thus. 
 
 Its folicitudes; it is by nature uncharitable, and was never 
 known to forgive offences of this complexion. My own fcx, 
 In particular, are inexorable ; for never did female kindnefs 
 flied a tear of genuine commiferation on misfortunes fo 
 intolerable, fo accumulated as mine. The infolent fami- 
 liarity of Come, and the cautious referve of othtrs ; the 
 affecled concern, the felf-approving condolence, have fuf- 
 ficiently taught me what is to be exnedted from the amity 
 of woman. But I have no anxiety on this account. The 
 remainder of nriy days I have religned to folitude ; and if 
 Heaven will hear my mod ardent prayer, -if my prcfa- 
 ging heart, and declining ftrcngth deceive me not, that 
 remainder will not be long ; kindred angels fiiall then re- 
 ceive me into their happicft choirs, though my too difcrcet 
 fitters In this motley carcfraught planet, avoid my company 
 as contagious. .-In the meantime, never fhallthe returning 
 fun gijd the roof of my habitation, but I will iffue a figh of 
 <kcp repentance to the memory of that fatal indifcrefion 
 which robbed me of my temporal peace, and gave an in- 
 nocent and honorable family to the embraces of fublhne 
 mifery ; and when the hour of my delivery comes, if an 
 hoary and offended parent will but take me to his arms, 
 and pronounce my vices forgiven, my heart /hall again be 
 fenlible of comfort, and rofeale joy once more illumine 
 the faded eyes ci" your deplorable and loft.
 
 Mr. PILON having had fome unfriendly 
 words with Mr. HARRIS, they had not 
 fpoke together for fome time Mr. HARRIS 
 called Mr. LEE LEWES on one fide behind 
 the fcenes, and with that liberality which 
 has ever diftinguifhed his character, faid 
 " LEWES, what is become of poor 
 PILON ? he is in the King's Bench, 
 Sir Poor fellow, tell him if 30 or 40 
 pounds will be of any fervice to him, he 
 may draw upon me for it, and further, that 
 I have totally forgot the little difpute we 
 had, and defire him to apply himfelf to his 
 pen, and my Theatre is always open to 
 him" LEE LEWES, who was the ftaunth. 
 friend of PILON*, took an opportunity one 
 evening in the Green-room, (Mr. D 
 happening to be prefent,) to fay he was 
 happy to find that Covent Garden Theatre 
 was likely to havefometfiing contributory 
 from PILON- very foon. And that Mr. 
 HARRIS and he had made up all dif- 
 erences--when Mr. D with great figni Meant 
 confequence, replied <f Mr. LEWES, if your 
 head never aches until you fee a piece of 
 Mr. PILON'S performed at this houfe, it
 
 will be very well for you, I can allure you". 
 The Green-room was full, and among them 
 EDW,;\ ho that night flipped with 
 PILON, and told him how LEK LEWES had 
 been defending him againft the fe verity of 
 Mr. D . *PJLON in a rage called for pen 
 and ink, and wrote the following effuffion, 
 
 and 
 
 * When j was in Paris in June 1787, I was pleafantly 
 furprifed by a vifit from Mr. PILON an invitation to dine 
 with him at the Hotel D'Yorkc, was the confequer.ee 
 On the day appointed, I ate at my friend's table, in 
 company with COUNT BASSELLI, DOCTOR MAC- 
 DONNEL, COLONEL DILI-OX, CAPTAIN GULSTON, Mr. 
 St. JOHN, and himfelf As the Burgundy circulated 
 pretty brifkly, PIT-ON foon exhibited figns of being under 
 the fvivc reign ty of the purplegod. and foon after was con- 
 veyed by his valet to bed The COUNT, CAPTAIN 
 GULSTON and niyfclf, went to the Eenujahis, where the 
 Venetian peer invited two elegantly drcfTed nymphs to fup 
 with him at the Hotel On our return, the girls were 
 -Introduced into PILON'S bed chamber, who treated them 
 with every mark ofdifguft, for it fhould be known, that 
 the dram-Vall had a ftr.inge idea of the French ladies ; at 
 length I rcroi!c--lcJ how Mr. CAMPBELL of Eologne had 
 pleafed PILON, by declaring that his features v. ere Hrniiar 
 to VOLTAIRE'S, and intruded the girls accordingly, .i::d 
 :to do them ju;ticc, t'-.ey j;"i,i\xJ their parts admirably 
 each holding a car.ciio, they drew back the curtains of his 
 bed, and exclaimed to the companv prcfent Ah mon dieu y 
 t-ojez Mwft'ttr VOLTAIRE y^v >:,. fa ye;tx---f-~n 
 :nc 1-iiXt :.; be was, this inccnfe bad 
 tht
 
 and fvvore it fhould be inferted the next 
 day in fome of the papers EDWIN im- 
 mediately fnatched it up, put it in his 
 pocket, and convinced him of the impru- 
 dence of making Mr. D his enemy, when 
 he was reconciled again to Mr. HARRIS. 
 
 D or D the Rabbins fay, 
 
 May be pronounced in either way, 
 
 Was a fat Critic, lean of Wit, 
 
 As e'er put poet on the Spit, 
 
 All d d the fool while lie had breath, 
 
 God d d him alfo after Death 
 
 For had his Saviour deigned to write, 
 
 He'd Judge with cruel HERON'S ipite, 
 
 Enjoy his meek Redeemer's pain, 
 
 And nail him on the crofs again. 
 
 How far the gentleman alluded tode- 
 ferved this intemperate refentment, I will not 
 determine Perhaps the antipathy was not 
 warranted by the circumftances. 
 
 . It 
 
 the defired cffeft At the firft recognition, his favagc 
 prejudices ajainft the girls forfook his eyes At the 
 fecond they brightened into fymptoms of fatisfadior.--- 
 at the third, glifiened \vith delight, and at the fourth 
 feemed fired with rapture At this period his difcretion 
 left him, for fcizing one of the candles, he leapt cut of 
 bed, and ilalked up and down his own chamber in his 
 fliirt, with the dignity of a Genruiu genr.ral! When he 
 ceafed to p:.r. : .x!e, we cirtfled him- --gave him fome gob- 
 fcts of Champa^;:;:, and he flriutled out of the Hotel, 
 
 ikwkcd
 
 ( 300 ) 
 
 It was the great VERULAM'S idea that 
 man could almoft regulate the elements! 
 then why not regulate himfglf I 
 
 That we are created with the innate pow- 
 er of being happy at will, I am confident, 
 and it is in a general fenfe, pride and not 
 neceffity makes us infelicitous EDWIN 
 went from the rehearfal a few years fmce, 
 with the moft uncomfortable fenfations 
 The futile caufe was, having a dramatic 
 part affigned him, which he imagined not 
 precifely proportioned to his ability go- 
 ing through Round Court near the Strand, 
 gnafhing his teeth and biting his nails, his 
 perturbation was fufpended by this event. 
 
 RESIGNATION. 
 
 " Green and pretty bow-pots, two a pen- 
 r.y Come buy my bow-pots, ye pretty 
 
 flanked by the Ladies, with GULSTON'S regimental hat 
 01:, while I walked before with a brace of loaded piflol?, 
 to protect the girls from the violeuee (if GVILLADEAU* 
 the hoft, who hud a difpofitkm fo ruffian -like, that lit- 
 would have fet a litrgc inaftifF at the affrighted ladies, if I 
 a;w not rhre.itcned to blow his brains out in this (late we 
 ill four got into afacre, and (pent the remainder of the 
 Eight Ui the Palais rajal* 
 
 maids ;
 
 maids; ah, God Almighty blejs your IIQ-* 
 nor, will you buy a bow-pot for your win- 
 dow made of the hazel tree, with the nuts 
 placed in order, fome lillies of the valley 
 wild rofemary, and a few violets " Sung or 
 rather whittled a poor old woman, who of. 
 fered him the rural bouquet, with a look 
 fraught with fo much wiftfulnefs, that EDWIN 
 could not refrain irom afking her a few 
 queftiorn 
 
 How old are you, my poor woman ? 
 
 Eighty-five, your honor, nextMardemas 
 
 Where do you live? 
 
 . At Finchley, replie'd the woman, 
 
 What is your name ? 
 
 ANN LAWTON, an pleaic your honor. 
 
 And did you walk from Finchley to-day ? 
 interrogated EDWIN. 
 
 Yes
 
 ( 302 ) 
 
 Yes indeed, Sir, and hope \vith God's 
 bieffing to flcep there this night. 
 
 How much (hall you make, if you fell 
 all your bow-pots ? 
 
 Seven-pence halfpenny, Sir. 
 
 And when you have difpofed of them, 
 you will return contented to your cottage ? 
 
 Yes indeed, I fhall 
 
 Oh, Heavens! exclaimed EDWIN, and 
 Jhall we prefume to murmur at the difpen- 
 fations of Providence, when this calamitous 
 creature bending under the infirmities of age 
 and the preffure of poverty, can 'be thank- 
 ful to her Creator for advantages, that com- 
 paratively is mifery in the extreme " Do 
 you enjoy a good ftate of health ? 
 
 I never was fick but twice in my life, your 
 honor, once on the death of my poor Billy 
 and another time, when my hufband lay
 
 ( 3*3 ) 
 
 ill of an ague for nine weeks aimoH: without 
 food. 
 
 Did he furvive the illnefs ? 
 
 Ah ! no, my fweet gentlemen, faid the 
 hoof-worn doe with her eyes full of tears 
 it was in the winter of the hard froft, and he 
 could not bear up againft the blight he 
 died and the flroke would certainly have 
 broke my heart with grief, if it had not 
 pleafed God that it fhould be otherwife. 
 
 And did no one contribute to your re- 
 lief? faid the repentant comedian. 
 
 Qhyes, a good lady in our neighbour- 
 hood lent us fix-pence and fome rafberry 
 wine; but alas, it came too late But it 
 was the will of heaven it.fliould be fo, and 
 it is our duty you know to bear the afflic- 
 tions, of God with patience Will your ho- 
 nor pleafe to buy a bow-pot ? 
 
 No;
 
 ( 304 ) 
 
 No ; keep your bow-pots for better cuf- 
 tomers j but here is a milling for you. 
 
 A (hilling, your honor ! cried the other> 
 but lack-a-day, I am fo poor, I have no 
 change ! I want no change, faid EDWIN 
 you have given me a leffon of philofophy, 
 that has done me more real fervice than all 
 the fophiftry of SHAFTESBURY The black 
 ethics of a HUME, -or the levities of VOL- 
 TAIRE The practice of Chriftianity mujt be 
 the foundation of happinefs and whoever 
 dilputes its pre-eminence over every other 
 fyftem of morality, is not only an e~nemy to 
 himfelf, but a foe to the general intcrefts of 
 human kind*. 
 
 * To be great is to be rcfpeifled but to be good in to 
 be adored I had the honor, when in Ireland, of being 
 acquainted with ETHAN CHAMPAGNE, I fay honor, be* 
 caufcthe tenor of bis being is, what every ecclefiaftic's 
 fhouW be, exemplary 1 . The DEAN, early in life married 
 a Mils H/JMMJND, a moil amiable lady who brought him 
 twelve children ! and though related to fome of the firft 
 families in that kingdom, his income was not fo unbound- 
 ed as the worthy part of Ibcicty wiflicd However, the 
 DEAN - trained -up hi* numerous offspring with placid 
 
 dJguity,
 
 ( 305 ) 
 
 The time had now arrived, when the 
 riorn^f plenty was laid at EDWIN'S feet 
 He took from her cornucopia all that caprice 
 could fuggeft, or tafte enjoy When hd 
 became independent, he became inactive ; 
 and the variety of his purfuits were narrowed 
 by a life of eafe Month fucceeded month, 
 and no event happened which could awaken 
 curiofity Affixed by fame in the chair of 
 independence, he reclined unmindful of the 
 tumult of a bufy world He who ceafes to 
 be neceffitous, generally ceafes to be a wan- 
 derer EDWIN was completely bleft 
 
 dignity, and the fons were proverbially brave, and the 
 daughters virtuous The beauty and accomplifhments of 
 the kdies begot envy in their fex, and what begets envy 
 thus circumftanced, naturally awakens admiration in the 
 men In dire time, the. fix ladies were mod advantage- 
 ouflyl married The eldcfl to CAPTAIN . BAYLEY now 
 EAK.L of U-XSRIDGE, the fecond, to Mr. STEPNEY of 
 Durrow, in the King's Counly, the third, to Sir CHARLES 
 DESVOEUX, the fourth, to a rich young pluralift, in the 
 county of Down, the fifth, to Mr. BURROWS, of Kil- 
 lare, and the fixth, to JVlAjoi VIGNOLES, and I be- 
 lieve the God of marriage never looks fo triumphant as 
 when he reviews the lovely progeny of DEAN CHAM- 
 PAGNE If a partial beam isifiuedfrom heaven to gladden 
 us in this frail ftate, it muft be deputed to brighten fych 
 minds. 
 
 Vol.. I. X Uplifted
 
 Uplifted by the acclaim of unpurcteafed 
 criticifm, he ate his mutton flept foundly, 
 and thanked the Gods. 
 
 In the fpring of 1788, when I had re- 
 turned to my chambers early in the day 
 from Kew, I was not a little furprifed to 
 underftand that EDWIN had been there, 
 and left a note for me On opening the 
 billet, I found it contained an importunate 
 requeft that I would come to him at the 
 Piazza immediately On my arrival I found 
 him walking about the room, and palpably 
 agitated I enquired the reafon, and by way 
 of reply,, he gave me a letter unfealed, 
 which I perceived to be a challenge and 
 directed to Mr. - r of Covent Garden 
 theatre In the eclair ciffement, I was in- 
 formed that he had been violently infulted 
 the evening before, by the gentleman in 
 queftion, and was determined to be inftantly 
 iatisficd As I was never very fond of 
 fighting duels- myfelf, I endeavoured to 
 perfnade my friend from his fanguinary 
 purpofes, but every remonftrance was in 
 vain his intents were favage and inexora- 
 ble,
 
 btej and I gave up the point To prevent 
 this aukward bufmefs from Falling into the 
 hands of a perfon/ who might have left 
 refpect for Mr. : ' than myfelf, I con- 
 fented to deliver the letter The challenge 
 was accepted with proper fpirit* and the 
 time and place to be adjufled by Mr. LAU- 
 RENCE KENNEDY, (the fecond to Mr. ) 
 
 and myfelf In the fecond ft age of this ad- 
 venture, I exercifed a little white-roguery, 
 and made EDWIN accompany me to a 
 gun-maker's in the Strand fit the bullets 
 himfelf, and purchafe the powder, that I 
 rriight inveftigate the operations of his mind 
 upon his vifage. 
 
 EDWIN deported himfelf very properly, 
 a.nd the meeting in his idea was to take place 
 that evening near Chalk-Farm, in the vici- 
 nity of Highgate ; I fay in his ideaj becaufe 
 -Mr* KENNEDY and I had both refolved, 
 that it fhould not : This refolution was not 
 matured in confequence of a fufpicion, that 
 either of the combatants wanted refolution,. 
 but in confideration of their families, which 
 Were young and numerous on both fides* 
 X 2 I ap-
 
 ( 308 )" 
 
 I appointed EDWIN to meet rne under 
 the Piazza at four o'clock, and to wait there 
 until I fhould give him a fignal from a 
 coach he punctually attended, and I got 
 (lily into a hatter's fhop the corner of James 
 Street, toobferve his motions from behind 
 a bread-work of undrefred beavers at the 
 corner of the window Mr. KENNEDY 
 and I having previoMy concerted our 
 measures, I kept poor EDWIN in a 
 ftate of jeopardy for half an hour, during 
 which' ierious period, he manifested a mind, 
 but ill at cafe He would look at his watch 
 compare it with the church clock in Co- 
 vent Garden put it to his ear reil his 
 chin in his right hand 'Stretch out his 
 arm as if in the aft of firing -apparently 
 reflect, and then redouble his paces- 
 In many of his emotions that afternoon, 
 I. discovered a fimilarity to his odd move- 
 ments in Sir HUGH EVANS- When the 
 half hour had nearly arrived, his fyflem was 
 fo heated by the collifion of ftrong paflions, 
 that he forgot the geography of the Arcade 
 --His. wandering feet carried him irregular- 
 ly
 
 ( 309 ) 
 
 jy to the left, where he made an incond- 
 derable faux pas walked over an antique 
 apple woman, who was in the act of taking 
 a pinch of the pov/der of mundungus, and 
 fell headlong into an empty hamper, which 
 had ten minutes before been eafed of twelve 
 dozen of claret for MALTBY'S pious Euphro- 
 iynes ! 
 
 EDWIN thought with LORD KAIMES, 
 that ielf-prefervation is a matter of too great 
 importance to be left entirely to the conduct 
 of reafon Fear provides for felf- prefer va- 
 tion by flying from harm : Anger, by re- 
 pelling it -He had read in Plutarch, that 
 Brafidas being bit by a moufe he had 
 caught, let it Hip from his fingers with this 
 remark, " No creature is fb contemptible, 
 but it may provide for its own fafety, if in 
 have courage." 
 
 I gave EDWIX the cue from a coach door 
 he jumped in, and we proceeded to 
 Slaughter's coiTee-houfe, in Saint Martin's 
 Lane, where, Mr. KENNEDY and I hit upon 
 an expedient to heal the wounds of honor--- 
 without the effufion of dramatic blood - 
 X 3 The
 
 The parties drank fome Madeira Ihoolc 
 hands, and the affair concluded ! 
 
 As to be famous is the prime movement 
 of our nature, we ihould not marvel, that 
 the pre-eminent EDWIN felt emotions in his 
 bofom, nearly allied to arrogance more 
 polifhed animals participate the glowing 
 weaknefs it is unequivocally apparent in 
 the elegant attainments of a DAMER, the 
 bright pages of a MONTAGUE* The flip- 
 fliod pleafantries of a COURTNEY, and the 
 folemn fopperies of HORACE WALPOLE 
 that EDWIN was ardently careft fhould not 
 furprife, as whatever contributes to human 
 pleafure or human vanity, muft be dear to 
 eftimation. 
 
 * While Mr. PILON lay on his death bed at Lambeth, 
 Mr. LEE LEWES, at his defire went to Mrs. MONTAGUE, 
 ^to whom he had dedicated his comedy of fk Would be a 
 Soldier, the day before he died Mrs. MONTAGUE gave 
 Mr. LEE LEWES five guineas for Mr. PILON'S ufe, and 
 generoufly defired that when Mr. Pit ex wanted further 
 afiiftance he would fend to her "I am difplcafed,' 7 fa id 
 {he, " when any one dedicates a work to me without my 
 permiffion but he is a man of genius, and I forgive him.*' 
 
 When
 
 When Mr. "HARRIS confented that his 
 falary ihould be augmented to twelve pounds 
 per week, he imagined that the meafure of 
 his ambition would be fpeedily filled 
 The zealous barrifter, who exchanges the 
 rough bombazeen, for the filken toga of 
 precedence, could not be more certain of a 
 place on the judgment feat than EDWIN, of 
 acquiring the ineftimable wreath of popular 
 
 In the fummer of 1783, EDWIN, 
 CHARLES BANNISTER, and WILSON, were 
 invited to fup at the Thatched Houfe, in 
 Saint James's Street, with the Earl of 
 HARRINGTON, COLONEL NORTH, MAJOR 
 NORTH, MAJOR PHIPPS, EDMUND PHIPPS, 
 &c. and after palling a jocund night dedicated 
 much mirth, and fome miiehiefj EDWIN 
 fuddenly quitted the company, and was 
 found fome time after, trying on fome 
 Callico JhirtSj at a Shirt Warehoufe in 
 Pall Mall, the matter of which he defined 
 might be called out of bed, ^nd perfuaded 
 him that he was Captain of a fhip, in the 
 Eaft India Company's fervice ! 
 
 X * 1
 
 It was his ufual method, every morning 
 before breakfaft, to exercife himfelf by 
 Twinging two pieces of lead, about four 
 pounds weight each, backward and for- 
 ward to open his cheft, and expand the 
 pectoral mufcles After this, he wafhed his 
 head in a pail of fpring water *ate his 
 breakfaft, and then ftudied the pajt he was 
 to enact at night. 
 
 The 
 
 * Twice every year DOCTOR JOHNSON vifited UnU 
 verfity College, Pembroke College, and Mr. HERBERT 
 CROFTS His invariable cuftom was to warn .his head 
 every morning under the pump He drank tea inor- 
 dinately ; Mrs. DITCHER, (daughter of the celebrated 
 RICHARDSON, who wrote ClariJJa Karlor^e] has made 
 eleven diflies of tea fcr him at one time Sir WILLIAM 
 JONES, COUNSELLOR PLOMER, Mr. SAMUEL, and fome 
 other gentlemen breakfailed with him, at Mr. FISHER'S, 
 Tutor of Univerfity College, where he drank out all the 
 water from the kettle, and amiifed himfelf with reading 
 a RucUJ, inftead of joining in the converfation, to the 
 great mortification of the young gentlemen who had 
 afiembled He was particulary attached to the late Mr. 
 HENDERSON, of Pembroke College, whofe eccentricities 
 were fo often manifefted, and who was confidered as the 
 firft logician at Oxford HERBERT CROFTS i'urnifhed the 
 Life of YOUNG, for JOHNSON'S Poets Perhaps BO man 
 ever injured the c.iufc of verity more than Dr. JOHNSON', 
 fcy writing the lives of the Eiitifli^oets S-jrioufi;- ^fTSxing 
 
 the
 
 The mod attic and luxuriant hours I ever 
 knew, were pafled at EmviN's table in. the 
 year 1788, in company with him, Mr. 
 PLATT, Mr. HEWERDI.VE, Mr. EDWIV, 
 Jun. Mr. MILLS, Mr. MARLGW, and Mr, 
 UPTON. 
 
 EDWIN performed Jemmy Jumps for LEE 
 LEWBS'S benefit at Canterbury, the Satur- 
 day before Pafhion week in 1790, his 
 name had fuch an effect there, that at three 
 o'clock, all the avenues to the Theatre 
 were completely flopped up, carriages could 
 not approach the doors, and the ladies were 
 obliged to go from the flage over the fpikes 
 of the ftage box to their places in the fide 
 boxes. 
 
 The next day EDWIN, LEE LEWES, and 
 their ladies made a pod hade journey to 
 Paris, where EDWIN excited the following 
 emotions in the Dauphin, who was walking 
 
 the title of poet to fuch common-minded animals, as 
 DYER, YALDEN, POMFRET, SAVAGE, WATTS, cian 
 m'Ms a'.iis, is an infult, Phcbus will not readily pardcn 
 in iny opinion, tiiere never were but five poets exiftiftinj 
 in Britain, viz. CHAUCER, SPENCSR, SHAKESPEARE, 
 ?UTLFR, and DRYDKX; the reft are mere copying, who 
 ayc flouuilcrcvi - d rhiined with more or leis i ^cnuity! 
 
 between
 
 ( .V4 ) 
 
 between two grenadiers in the 
 when the Comedian met his eye ED\VJN 
 was drefied in a large rough coachman's 
 coat, and half tipfy with champagne The 
 Dauphin llopt fhort, furveyed -his figure 
 for a minute from the cranium to the os calcis, 
 and then laughingly exclaimefi mafoiceft 
 blen drole ! 
 
 In the beginning of May 1790, by the 
 advice of his phyficians, Dr. BROCK.LESBV, 
 and Dr. GAMTHSHORJE, he took a lodging 
 at the Rein Deer on F.pping Foreft, where 
 he remained three weeks, and then returne4 
 to Town. 
 
 On the ijth of June, he married Mils 
 MARY HUBBARD, at Saint John's Church, 
 Weilminfler. 
 
 In July, he engnged a lodging on Clap- 
 feam Common, but finding the air too cold 
 for his emaciated frame, returned to his 
 nents in Bedford Street. 
 
 The
 
 The laft character he ever performed in 
 public, was GREGORY GUBMNS in tin* 
 Battle of Hexbam, 
 
 Three weeks before his death, a conful- 
 tation of phyficians were held at his houfe, 
 and the iffue of their judgment was, that if 
 he was not conveyed immediately to Nice, 
 he rnuft affuredly die in obedience to their 
 directions, -his friends engaged a Danifii 
 veffel for the purpofe and paid ten pounds 
 in advance to the Captain, whofe name is 
 MAYYJER. 
 
 He neyer could be prevailed upon during 
 his .indifpofition, to wear a nighf-cap, ex- 
 jceptin be.d; he would put on his cap when 
 in bed, .and depofit his wig carefully be- 
 hind his pillow, and when he awoke at the 
 jeturn of day, ihe firft thing he called for 
 was his wig, 
 
 He was not defpondenc even when in a 
 ftate of total debility, but feemed chearful, 
 related his jeft, and fmiled vsith ghaftJy 
 pleafantry. 
 
 X 4 o
 
 So powerfully did hope cleave about his 
 mind to the laft, that two days before his 
 demife, he feemed confident that he ihoukj 
 recover when on board the veffel. 
 
 In the evening of this day he called for 
 pen, ink and paper, and with much diffi- 
 culty wrote the following fragment of a let- 
 ter, which he intended fhould have been fent 
 to Dr. GARTHSHORE, or Dr. BROCKLESBY 
 
 " Dear Sir, 
 
 " The unremitting attention you have paid 
 to me, joined to your great wifdom in your 
 profeffiorij has given me much content du- 
 ring the whole courfe of my illnefs ; and if I 
 had a dear relation under your care, I 
 fhould be rnoft truly happy, that a Phyfician 
 of your ability had the direction of her 
 health In other hands I might have been 
 dead long before this, and perhaps my voy- 
 age by God's permifllon may reftore me. I 
 am afoamed to fay that in pecuniary mat- 
 ters I am quite worfe than my heart can 
 bear. The derangement of my circumftan- 
 ces from illnefs, and a little difagreeable, 
 therefore hope yourkindnefs will excufe the"
 
 When he came to this part, his ftrengtk 
 tailed him the pen dropt from his hand, 
 and he fell back on the couch, and fcarcely 
 .ever articulated after. 
 
 EDWIN'S LAST MOMENTS. 
 
 He felt the declenfion of his being with 
 a ferenity, which would have honored 
 Seneca -when he looked forward to the 
 cold houfe -of Death, though' the profpect 
 was dreary, his vifion -was "dnfcared- with 
 dread though the idea of eternal corporal 
 immurement was unpleafarit, the certainty 
 of what muft bs t fweetened the inconveniences 
 that were when his imagination too faith- 
 fully pourtFayed the public idol he had fo 
 recently been, the firmnefs of his manhood 
 forfook him, and he burft into the decent: 
 lamentations of decaying fortitude. 
 
 For who, to dumb forgetfulnefs a prey, 
 Tiiis pleafing, ami-ions being e'er relign'd ; 
 Left the warm precincts of the chearfulday, 
 Ts r or caft one longing, I'fng'i ing- look behind!^ 
 
 When his nervous fyftem became en- 
 tirely unftiung, he was apprehenfive that 
 
 the
 
 the feat of understanding might be wouttded 
 too keenly andy like DOCTOR JOHNSON* 
 in fimilar circumftances, trembled left the 
 powers of difcernment fhould be abridged, 
 and he become a mere animal unenlightened 
 by the beam of fore -knowledge to re- 
 linquifa the coarie and unprofitabe ufages of 
 exigence, gave him little regret, but to 
 be a breathing blank, fmote him in thought 
 with iupreme horror he felt miierably, 
 and thus exclaimed : 
 
 E'en at the darken'd eye, the withered face, 
 
 Or hoary hair I never will repine ; 
 Uiit fparc, O Time I whnte'er of mental grace, 
 
 Oi- candour, love, or fympathy divine, 
 Whate'er of fancy's ray, or friendlhip's flame is mine. 
 
 1 
 * The tremulous manner in which DOCTOR JOHNSON 
 
 died, has, in my idea, been more detrimental tc''the 
 general interefts of Chriflianity, then any other event 
 appertaining to a fmgle 5ndividu.il he was continually 
 rehearing the mercies of his Redeemer, and thecertainty 
 of falvation, yet, whenever difceafe aflailed-him, his pious 
 energies forfbok him, and he would improperly declare 
 that he mould prefer exifting in any the moft fliocking 
 ftate to death if this mode of cxpreflion and conducl, 
 argued his poflefling that afliance in the mercifs of his 
 Cieator, which every man ihould, I am unikilled in the 
 generous emotions of hope, and the beatitudes of rengioh. 
 
 In
 
 { 3'? ) 
 
 . In the florid triumphs of health in the 
 proudeft periods of his ftate EDWIN never 
 awoke the wrath of the deity, by queftioning 
 the terrors of revelation - what was to be, 
 he knew would, and felt happy in being 
 obedient, where it is folly to be wile -I do 
 not believe it was defigned by the Omni- 
 potent, that human wifdom Ihould pafs in 
 its refearches beyond the precincts of the 
 creation many are impelled by pride to 
 make the fruitlefs attempt, but few by 
 pbilofophy independent of Aftrononny, their 
 labours have but engendered doubts, and 
 the molt enlightened, made that feem dcmi- 
 vifible, which if wholly obfcured, would 
 tend to the maintenance of calm refig- 
 nation The inroads of Iceptic'i-im have been 
 exactly proportioned to the arrogance of 
 ibphiitry, and a great portion of mankind 
 have appeared happy to difleminate in- 
 fidelity, though they could not iiibrlkut-e a 
 bleiling for that peace which they had de- 
 ft royed. 
 
 Even at the termination of his exigence, 
 
 .when the vital lamp had icarce wnnxuh 
 
 4 enough
 
 C 320 ) 
 
 enough to keep it from the freezing pro- 
 perties of Death, and the flame' was only 
 dimly fcen, he would not content to be 
 confined to his bed His fortitude was as 
 confpicuous in his final moments as in the 
 mod healthful epoch of his life he faw, 
 like Damoc]es,the inftrument of his deftruc- 
 tion fufpendcd over him by a fmgle hair, 
 yet faw it with firmnefs On the 3Oth of 
 O&ober, he lay horizontally upon a couch 
 before the fire Havered at the mouth, and 
 had not the power to exprefs his wifh He 
 continued languifhing until half pad four 
 o'clockonthe following morning } whenhe put 
 his left leg out of bed and endeavoured to fit 
 upright: his attendant then gave him fome 
 fyrup of fquills, which he could not fwallow; 
 i: guggkd in his throat At this period, it 
 is imagined, he felt himfelfentangled in the 
 icy embrace of ruin-r-He put out his fhri- 
 vdled hand, which his lady kified, thea 
 faintly adjuiling his pillow which he wetted 
 with a chilly tear moaned, looked up, and 
 fadea'mto DEATH. 
 
 .3 Thus
 
 ( 3" ) 
 
 'f'hiis this extraordinary man finiihed his 
 mortal career His lofs to the ftage, like 
 the privation of light, has caft a gloom 
 over a T heatre, dedicated to the purpofes 
 of moral example and focial felicity. 
 
 On Sunday the jth November, at eight in the 
 evening the remains of this matchlefs man 
 were accompanied to the grave by the follow- 
 ing perfons,attendedby an immenfe concourfe 
 of fpectators His body was depofited on the 
 north fideof Saint Paul's Govent Garden, be- 
 tween the alhes of DOCTOR ARNE, and his 
 prototype, NJED SHUTJSR. 
 
 VOL. I. Y ORDER
 
 ORDER OF ?HE FUNERAL. 
 
 PALL BEARERS. 
 
 Mr.O'Keeffe, 
 Mr. Quick, 
 Mr. Lewis, 
 Mr. Holraan, 
 
 Mr. Shields, 
 Mr. Wilfon, 
 Mr. Hull, 
 Mr. Johnftone 
 
 MOURNERS. 
 
 Mr. Redhead and Mrs. Edwin : 
 Mr. Banniler, and Mrs* Ward : 
 Four Sons of the deceafed 
 
 Mr. Palmer, 
 
 Mrs. LeeLewU 
 
 Mr. Davies, 
 
 Mrs. Sutton; 
 
 Mr. Ryder, 
 
 Mr. Blanchard 
 
 Mr. Dodd. 
 
 A. Pafquin ; 
 
 Mr. Harley, 
 
 Mr. Farren ; 
 
 Mr. Platt, 
 
 Mr. Fentum ; 
 
 Mr. Bernard, 
 
 Mr. Brandon; 
 
 Mr. Macready, 
 
 Mr. Duffey ; 
 
 Mr. Williames 
 
 Mr. Wild ; 
 
 Mr. Bowers, 
 
 Mr. Rock. 
 
 EDWIN '&
 
 323 
 
 EDWIN's TOMB. 
 
 Here lies 
 JOHN E D W I N, 
 
 COMEDIAN, 
 
 Late of Covent Garden Theatre, 
 
 Who departed this life, Odtober jift, 1790 
 
 Aged 42 years. 
 
 Each focial meed, which honors human kind, 
 The duft beneath this frail memorial bore ; 
 If pride of excellence uplift thy mind, 
 Subdue the weaknefs, and be vain no more. 
 
 A nation's mirth was fubjedl to his art, 
 Ere icy death had frnote this child of glee; 
 And care refum'd his empire o'er the heart, 
 When Heaven ifTued EDWIN fnall not be. 
 
 ANTHONY PAS~U;M. 
 
 Y 2 The
 
 ( 3*4 ) 
 
 The reader's perception having journied 
 wkh the motly hero of this finguhr me- 
 moir from the cradle to the grave, I truft 
 he will not retire from the narration wholly 
 uninftruded Calamity is the fchool of 
 truth, and happy is he who can gather 
 from the viciflitudes of his neighbour, the- 
 oretic knowledge, equal to the refiftance of 
 private regrejt or public fhame We fhould 
 commiferaie the failings of that being, whole 
 ftate is adventitious and dependent on the 
 caprices of chance Many who are com- 
 pelled to feek fortune, muft purfue her in 
 a dorm ; and is it wondrous that the milder 
 beauties of the mind Ihould be deranged by 
 the tempeftuous operations of refiftlefs ac- 
 pident? The powers of nature may be fub- 
 prdinate to reafon in the ferene haunts of 
 privacy, but will difpute the dominion 
 where the allurements to do wrong multiply 
 with the advancing moment But every 
 individual Ihould be an optimift, as every 
 evil has an according comfort Thofe who 
 
 are
 
 ( 3*5 ) 
 
 are felicitous for the bliffes of opulence, 
 ihould recollect that wealth can raife but few 
 barriers againft infelicity Olory only at- 
 taches herfelf to the daring and the meritori- 
 ous ! 
 
 To peep into tjjje chambers of the human 
 heart To inveftigate the impulfe of action, 
 has been an employment dear to mankind in 
 every sera When SALLUST gave his Cata- 
 line to focial abhorrence -When HERODO- 
 TUS, XENOPHON, and the charming Livv, 
 delineated the features of antiquity -, an 
 admiring world treafured up the tale in the 
 archives of recollection, and faithfully and 
 fondly tranfmitted it from age to age. 
 
 In adjufting the materials of EDWIN'S 
 contradictory life, I have caft away much 
 matter, which my judgment confidered as 
 unimportant If it be allowed, I have re- 
 tained what is pleafureable and beneficial, 
 my toil will not be unprofitable- 
 Thai;
 
 ( 3*6 ) 
 
 That the art of luminous abridgment is 
 a difficult talent, will be confeffed by thofe 
 who know that " // abregia tout farce 
 qifl voyoit tout, was the eulogy pronounced 
 on TACITUS by MONTESQUIEU. 
 
 2ND OF FIRST VOLUME.
 
 This book is DUE on the last 
 'ow.
 
 II I I 
 
 3 1158 01110 4972 
 
 A 000 006 370
 
 Un