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 HOOSIER 
 
 ROMANCE 
 
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 JAMES WHJTCOMB RILEY
 
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 A HOOSIERROMANCB 
 
 Squire tbawfeins's
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 
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 BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY 
 WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY 
 JOHN WOLCOTT ADAMS 
 
 PUBLISHED BY 
 THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY
 
 Copyright, 1910, by 
 THE CENTURY COMPANY 
 
 Copyright, 1912, by 
 THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY
 
 TO 
 JESSE C. MILLIKAN 
 
 2047657
 
 A HOOSIERROMANCE 
 
 Squire Dawfeins's Storg
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 
 Squire Ibawfeins's Stors 
 
 I HAIN'T no hand at tellin' tales, 
 Er spinnin ? yarns, as the sailors say; 
 Someway o ? T nother, language fails 
 To slide fer me in the oily way 
 That lawyers has ; and I wisht it would, 
 Fer I T ve got somepin' that I call good ; 
 But bein' only a country squire, 
 I f ve learned to listen and admire, 
 3
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Ruther preferrin' to be addressed 
 Than talk myse'f but I '11 do my best 
 
 Old Jeff Thompson well, I T ll say, 
 Was the clos'test man I ever saw!
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 as cream, but the porest pay, 
 And the meanest man to work fer La 
 I 've knowed that man to work one 
 
 "hand" 
 Fer little er nothing you understand 
 
 From four o'clock in the morning light 
 
 i 
 Tel eight and nine o'clock at night, 
 
 And then find fault with his appetite!
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 He ? d drive all over the neighberhood 
 To miss the place where a toll-gate stood, 
 And slip in town, by some old road 
 That no two men in the county knowed, 
 With a jag o' wood, and a sack O T wheat, 
 That would n r t burn and you could n't eat ! 
 And the trades he 'd make, '11 I jest de- 
 clare, 
 Was enough to make a preacher swear!
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And then he r d hitch, and hang about 
 Tel the lights in the toll-gate was blowed 
 
 out, 
 
 And then the turnpike he T d turn in 
 And sneak his way back home ag'in! 
 
 10
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Some folks hint, and I make no doubt, 
 That that T s what wore his old wife out 
 Toilin' away from day to day 
 And year to year, through heat and cold, 
 UncomplainhV- - the same old way 
 The martyrs died in the days of old; 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And a-clingin f , too, as the martyrs done, 
 To one fixed faith, and her only one, 
 Little Patience, the sweetest child 
 That ever wept unrickonciled, 
 Er felt the pain and the ache and stins* 
 That only a mother's death can bring. 
 
 14
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Patience Thompson! I think that name 
 Must a-come from a power above, 
 Fer it seemed to fit her jest the same 
 As a gaiter would, er a fine kid glove ! 
 And to see that girl, with all the care 
 Of the household on her I de-clare 
 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 It was audacious, the work she T d do, 
 And the thousand plans that she f d putt 
 
 through ; 
 
 And sing like a medder-lark all day long, 
 And drownd her cares in the joys o ? song; 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And laugh sometimes tel the farmer's 
 
 "hand," 
 
 Away fur off in the fields, would stand 
 A-listenin f , with the plow half drawn, 
 Tel the coaxin' echoes called him on; 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And the furries seemed, in his dreamy 
 
 eyes, 
 
 Like footpaths a-Ieadin T to Paradise, 
 As off through the hazy atmosphere 
 The call fer dinner reached his ear. 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Now love r s as cunnin' a little thing 
 As a hummhV-bird upon the wing, 
 And as liable to poke his nose 
 Jest where folks would least suppose, 
 And more r n likely build his nest 
 Right in the heart you T d leave unguessed, 
 And live and thrive at your expense 
 At least, that f s my experience.
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And old Jeff Thompson often thought, 
 In his se'fish way, that the quiet John 
 Was a stiddy chap, as a farm-hand ought 
 To always be, fer the airliest dawn 
 Found John busy and "easy," too, 
 Whenever his wages would fall due! 
 
 
 27
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 To sum him up with a final touch, 
 He eat so little and worked so much, 
 That old Jeff laughed to hisse'f and said, 
 He makes me money and aims his 
 bread!" 
 
 28
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 But John, fer all of his quietude, 
 Would sometimes drap a word er so 
 That none but ^Patience understood, 
 And none but her was meant to know 
 
 30
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Mayby at meal-times John would say, 
 As the sugar-bowl come down his way, 
 1 Thanky T no; my coffee 's sweet 
 Enough fer me I " with sich conceit, 
 She 1 d know at once, without no doubt, 
 He meant because she poured it out; 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And smile and blush, and all sich stuff, 
 And ast ef it was u strong enough?" 
 And git the answer, neat and trim, 
 ( It could rit be too ' strong T fer him I n 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And so things went fer 'bout a year, 
 Tel John, at last, found pluck to go 
 And pour his tale in the old man's ear 
 And ef it had been hot lead, I know 
 It could n't a-raised a louder fuss, 
 Ner a-riled the old man's temper wuss! 
 He jest lit in, and cussed and swore, 
 And lunged and rared, and ripped and tore, 
 And told John just to leave his door, 
 And not to darken it no more ! 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 But Patience cried, with eyes all wet, 
 Remember, John, and don't ferret, 
 Whatever comes, I love you yet! t? 
 But the old man thought, in his se'fish way, 
 I '11 see her married rich some day; 
 And that" thinks he, " is money fer me 
 And my will f s law, as it om*ht to be! " 
 
 38
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 So when, in the course of a month er so, 
 A widower, with a farm er two, 
 Comes to Jeff's, w'y, the folks, you know, 
 Had to talk as the folks '11 do: 
 It was the talk of the neigh berhood 
 Patience and John, and their affairs ; 
 And this old chap with a few gray hairs 
 Had "cut John out," it was understood. 
 And some folks reckoned " Patience, too, 
 Knowed what she was a-goin' to do
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 It was like her la! indeed! 
 All she loved was dollars and cents 
 Like old Jeff and they saw no need 
 Fer John to pine at her negligence! rt 
 
 But others said, in a kinder way, 
 
 They missed the songs she used to sing 
 
 They missed the smiles that used to play
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Over her face, and the laughin' ring 
 Of her glad voice that euen/thing 
 Of her old se'f seemed dead and gone, 
 And this was the ghost that they gazed on ! 
 
 44
 
 A HOOS1ER ROMANCE 
 Tel finally it was noised about 
 There was a weddiri 1 soon to be 
 Down at Jeffs; and the "cat was out" 
 Shore enough!--' LI the Jee-mun-nee ! 
 It riled me when John told me so, 
 Fer / was a friend o' John's, you know; 
 And his trimblin' voice jest broke in two 
 As a feller's voice '11 sometimes do. 
 And I says, says I, " Ef I know my biz 
 And I think I know what jestice is, 
 I 've read some law and I 'd advise 
 A man like you to wipe his eyes, 
 
 46
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And square his jaws and start ag'in, 
 Per jestice is a-goin 1 to win! 1 
 And it was n't long tel his eyes had cleared 
 As blue as the skies, and the sun appeared 
 In the shape of a good old-fashioned smile 
 That I had n't seen fer a long, long while. 
 
 So we talked on fer a f hour er more, 
 And sunned ourselves in the open door, 
 Tel a hoss-and-buggy down the road 
 Come a-drivin r up, that I guess John 
 knowed,
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Fer he winked and says, "I T ll dessap- 
 
 pear 
 
 They '</ smell a mice ef they saw me here !" 
 And he thumbed his nose at the old gray 
 
 mare, 
 And hid hisse'f in the house somewhere. 
 
 Well. The rig drove up: and I raised 
 
 my head 
 
 As old Jeff hollered to me and said 
 That "him and his old friend there had 
 
 come 
 To see ef the squire was at home."
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 ... I told 'em "I was; and I aimed to be 
 At every chance of a weddin'-fee!" 
 And then I laughed and they laughed, 
 
 too, 
 
 Fer that was the object they had in view. 
 Would I be on hands at eight that night ? ?t 
 They ast; and f s-I, u You f re mighty right, 
 77/be on hands!" And then I bu'st 
 Out a-laughin r my very wu'st, 
 And so did they, as they wheeled away 
 And drove to'rds town in a cloud o ? dust. 
 Then I shet the door, and me and John 
 Laughed and laughed, and jest laughed on,
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Tel Mother drapped her specs, and by 
 Jeewhillikers ! I thought she r d die! 
 And she could n't a-told, I '11 bet my hat f 
 What on earth she was laughin' at! 
 
 But all o' the fun o f the tale hain't done ! 
 Fer a drizzlin' rain had jest begun, 
 And a-havin' 'bout four mile' to ride, 
 I jest concluded I ? d better light 
 Out fer Jeff's and save my hide, 
 Fer it was a-goin 1 to storm, that night! 
 So we went down to the barn, and John 
 Saddled my beast, and I got on ; 
 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And he told me somepin' to not ferret, 
 And when I left, he was laughin 1 yet. 
 
 And, 'proachin' on to my journey's end, 
 The great big draps o' the rain come down, 
 And the thunder growled in a way to lend 
 An awful look to the lowerin' frown 
 The dull sky wore ; and the lightnin ? glanced 
 Tel my old mare jest more '/z pranced, 
 And tossed her head, and bugged her eyes 
 To about four times their natchurl size, 
 As the big black lips of the clouds r ud drap 
 Out some oath of a thunder-clap,
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And threaten on in an undertone 
 That chilled a feller clean to the bone! 
 
 But I struck shelter soon enough 
 To save myse'f. And the house was 
 
 jammed 
 With the women-folks, and the weddin'- 
 
 stuff:- 
 
 A great, long table, fairly crammed 
 With big pound-cakes and chops and 
 
 steaks 
 
 And roasts and stews and stumick-aches 
 Of every fashion, form, and size, 
 
 From twisters up to punkin-pies! 
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 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And candies, oranges, and figs, 
 And reezins, all the "whilligigs" 
 And " jim-cracks " that the law allows 
 On sich occasions! Bobs and bows 
 Of gigglin' girls, with corkscrew curls, 
 And fancy ribbons, reds and blues, 
 And u beau-ketchers M and "curliques" 
 To beat the world! And seven o'clock 
 Brought old Jeff; and brought the 
 
 groom, 
 
 With a sideboard-collar on, and stock 
 That choked him so, he had n f t room 
 
 61
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 To smaller in, er even sneeze, 
 Er clear his th'oat with any ease 
 Er comfort and a good square cough 
 Would saw his Adam's-apple off 
 
 But as fer Patience My! Oomh- 
 
 oomh I 
 
 I never saw her look so sweet! 
 Her face was cream and roses, too; 
 And then them eyes o r heavenly blue 
 Jest made an angel all complete! 
 
 63
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And when she split r em up in smiles 
 And splintered ? em around the room, 
 And danced acrost and met the groom, 
 And laughed out loud It kind o' spiles 
 My language when I come to that 
 
 64
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Fer, as she laid away his hat, 
 Thinks I, " The papers hid inside 
 Of that said hat must make a bride 
 /J happy one fer all her life, 
 Er else a wrecked and wretched wife I 
 
 67
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And, someway, then, I thought of John,- 
 Then looked to'rds ^Patience. . . . She 
 
 was gone I 
 
 The door stood open, and the rain 
 Was dashin f in; and sharp and plain 
 Above the storm we heerd a cry- 
 A ringin', laughin', loud u Good-by! ?r 
 That died away, as fleet and fast 
 A hoss's hoofs went splashin' past! 
 
 69
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And that was all. ? T was done that 
 
 quick! . . . 
 
 You f ve heerd O T fellers "lookin* sick"? 
 I wisht you r d seen the groom jest then 
 I wisht you 'd seen them two old men, 
 With starhV eyes that fairly glared 
 At one another, and the scared 
 And empty faces of the crowd, 
 I wisht you could a-been allowed 
 To jest look on and see it all, 
 And heerd the girls and women bawl 
 
 70
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 And wring their hands; and heerd old 
 
 Jeff 
 
 A-cussin r as he swum* hisse'f 
 Upon his hoss, who champed his bit 
 As though old Nick had holt of it: 
 And cheek by jowl the two old wrecks 
 Rode off as though they 'd break their 
 
 necks. 
 
 And as we all stood starin' out 
 Into the night, I felt the brush 
 Of some one's hand, .and turned about, 
 And heerd a voice that whispered, 
 "Hushl- 
 
 73
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 They 're waitiri 1 in the kitchen, and 
 You Ve wanted. 'Don't you understand? " 
 Well, ef my memory serves me now, 
 I think I winked. Well, anyhow, 
 I left the crowd a-gawkin' there, 
 And jest slipped off around to where 
 The back-door opened, and went in, 
 And turned and shet the door ag'in, 
 And mayby locked it could n't swear, 
 A woman's arms around me makes 
 Me liable to make mistakes. 
 I read a marriage license nex', 
 But as I did n't have my specs 
 
 74
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 I jest inferred it was all right, 
 And tied the knot so mortal-tight 
 That Patience and my old friend John 
 Was safe enough from that time on! 
 
 Well now I might go on and tell 
 How all the joke at last leaked out, 
 And how the youngsters raised the yell 
 And rode the happy groom about 
 Upon their shoulders; how the bride 
 Was kissed a hunderd times beside 
 The one / give her, tel she cried 
 And laughed untel she like to died ! 
 
 76
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 I might go on and tell you all 
 About the supper and the ball. 
 You r d ought to see me twist my heel 
 Through jest one old Furginny reel 
 Afore you die! er tromp the strings 
 Of some old fiddle tel she sings 
 Some old cowtillion, don't you know, 
 That putts the devil in yer toe! 
 
 78
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 We kep' the dancirT up tel four 
 O'clock, I reckon mayby more. 
 We hardly heerd the thunder's roar, 
 Er thought about the storm that blowed 
 /Ind them two fellers on the road! 
 
 80
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 Tel all at onc't we heerd the door 
 Bu r st open, and a voice that swore, 
 And old Jeff Thompson tuck the floor. 
 He shuck hisse'f and looked around 
 Like some old do^ about half-drown'd- 
 His hat, I reckon, weighed ten pound 
 To say the least, and I '11 say, shore, 
 His overcoat weighed fifty more 
 The wettest man you ever saw, 
 To have so dry a son-in-law! 
 
 82
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 He sized it all ; and Patience laid 
 Her hand in John's, and looked afraid, 
 And waited. And a stiller set 
 O r folks, I know, you never met 
 In any court-room, where with dread 
 They wait to hear a verdick read. 
 
 84
 
 A HOOSIER ROMANCE 
 The old man turned his eyes on me : 
 "And have you married f em?' T says he. 
 I nodded Yes. f ' Well, that '11 do, ?r 
 He says, "and now we Ve th'ough with 
 
 You jest clear out, and I decide 
 And promise to be satisfied!" 
 He had n't nothin' more to say. 
 I saw, of course, how matters lay, 
 And left. But as I rode away 
 I heerd the roosters crow fer day. 
 
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