THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES WORKS OF MRS, A, D. T, WHITNEY. A SUMMER IN LESLIE GOLDTH WAITERS LIFE. Illustrated. i2mo $i-5 REAL FOLKS. Illustrated. i2mo 1.50 WE GIRLS: A HOME STORY. Illustrated. I2tno 1.5 THE OTHER GIRLS. Illustrated. i2mo. 500 pages 2.00 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. 2 vols. i2mo 3.00 PANSIES: A Volume of Poems. Beautifully bound in Purple and Gold. i6mo 1.50 " Such books as hers should be in every household, to be read, loaned, re-read and re-loaned, so long as the leaves and cover will hold together, not holiday volumes for elegant quiet, but stirring and aggressive works, with a ' mission, 1 which is, to make the world better than they find it." Boston Commonwealth. * For sale by all Booksellers. Sent by mail, post-paid, by JAMES R. OSGOOD & CO., PUBLISHERS, BOSTON. SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS: PATIENCE STRONG'S STORY OP OVER THE WAY. BY MRS. A. D. T. WHITNEY, AUTHOR OF "THE OTHER GIRLS," " WE GIRLS," " REAL FOLKS," "LESLIE GOLDTHWAITE," ETC. VOL. I. BOSTON: JAMES E. OSGOOD AND COMPANY. (LATE TICKNOR & FIELDS, ASP FIELDS, OSGOOD, & Co.) 1876. Copyright, 1876, by JAMES E. OSGOOD AND COMPANT. RIVERSIDE, CAMBRIDGE: STEREOTYPED AND PRINTED BY H. 0. HOUQHTON AND COMPANT. POSTSCRIPT lAj i> TO BE PUT AT THE BEGINNING. , ' 1st Gravedigger. It may be all well enough for a story ; but nevertheless it has no business to be. And you see she knows it all the time, with her reasonings and her apologies. What right had she to scribble it all off, in short hand, to Rose Halliday whoever that is ? 2d Gravedigger. Why, Rose Halliday is an alter ego. Can't a woman talk to herself, if she has no privilege elsewhere ? 1st Gravedigger. But here it is in a book. And the world has got it ; at least, as much of the world as will pay any atten tion. And it has all just happened ; a couple of years ago. 2d Gravedigger, solemnly. My dear, do you properly appre hend what a book is ? It is an utterly impersonal, abstract irre sponsibility. It is a mere medium ; a battery of type plates, which you hold by its two covers, to receive a magnetic current. And the little black characters upon which you fix your eyes are hypnotizers. The book tells you nothing. You simply perceive. The places, persons, occurrences, are or have been, and you come into intuitive relations with them. 1st Gravedigger. I can't see it in quite such a boneless light. It is a thing deliberately done ; written, printed, published. 2d Gravedigger. Well ; even so, the book and the story had to be. 1st Gravedigger. " I do not of that see the necessity." 2d Gravedigger. And possibly as might have been retorted to the original sarcasm, there may not be a like vital necessity that you should. We 've had it, anyway ; and we 've done with it. Put it up on the shelf; we will begin the new one ; it has been out three days already. CONTENTS. 40 iPTIB I. ABOUT THE BEGINNING II. CORNER BISCUITS III. STEP-EVERYTHING IV. PACKING AND POCKETS V. SHIP-RIGGING VI. THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS VII. GATE-WAYS VIII. UP BY EXPRESS IX. SHOPS, OR SHRINES X. IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN XI. A STRAW XII. THE DISCIPLES TO THE MULTITUDE .... XIII. FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE .... XIV. THE LORD WARDEN AT DOVER XV. REALLY ABROAD XVI. A TALK ; AND A TRUSTING XVII. PLEASURES AND PALACES 176 XVIII. THE EVERLASTING GATES 187 XIX. ON THE HOUSETOP . . . . . . . .190 XX. STEPPING IN 197 XXI. YESTERDAY AND TO-DAY 204 XXII. BEFORE MONT BLANC 214 XXIII. THE SEA OF ICE .... ... 220 XXIV. DAILY BREAD; AND DOUBLES ..... 230 XXV. FROM ARVE TO RHONE ....... 244 XXVI. INCIDENT 261 VI CONTENTS. XXVTI. MISTS ; AND SIGNS ....... 267 XX YIIL THE SCHRECKHOEN 280 XXIX. EDELWEISS 285 XXX. RIVER-PLUNGE ; AND CLOUD-SEA .... 290 XXXI. OVER THE BRUNIG : THE LAKE : RHIGI . . . 299 XXXII. NOONTIDE AND MORNING UPON RHIGI . . . 303 XXXIII. A FERN LEAF ?H XXXIV. THE HEM OF A STORM 317 XXXV. DOWN INTO THE SUMMER 331 XXXVI. SANTA MARIA DEGLI ANGIOLI . . . 338 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER I. ABOUT THE BEGINNING. PATIENCE STRONG TO KOSE HALLIDAY. OLD FARM, 12/A June, 187-. .... MY first introduction to her, I do not mean the naming of our names by a third person ; that never happened at all, and it was more than nine months afterward that we found each other out by name ; but my first introduction to her and it takes a good many, first and last, before you come to knowledge was in the little east parlor of the Giant's Cairn House at Outledge, where I had been staying five weeks, and where she had just arrived. It was early in the morning. I was going to take the 6.30 train down to Boston. There are cars between Boston and Outledge, now, all the way, and we all inveigh against them and take them, just as we do other new things that supersede the old, though we may all say the old is better. Mrs. Regis had come by the evening express the night before, and had had tea in her room at ten o'clock. I had heard an arrival, and a great dragging of big trunks past my door in the long wing ; but I had never thought of it again until I came into the little parlor, ten minutes before the whistle, to pick up my bag and shawl, that I had laid there when I went to break fast, and saw this picture before the lire. I took a negative of it, half unconsciously, which I found developing after I got through my little hurries, and was safely off in a big arm-chair 2 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. in the Pullman car, with my parcels all put up, and my novel in my lap waiting till I was tired of other things, and wanted it ; which case I have never yet come to in a railway journey, though the novel is always there. A railway ride is such a good chance to read things that are not printed. That little picture of Mrs. Regis, which I took off without her knowledge or my own, at the moment, came out so very clear before me ; it seemed to tell me a whole story. After ward, I came to know something of how much my first impres sion might be worth ; I have yet a great deal, I dare say, if we go on to get acquainted, both to verify and to rectify. It is funny what a mixture of surprising facts and mistaken conclu sions these first impressions often turn out to be. But I always take care of that first negative. It is a key ; if you don't turn the lock the wrong way with it. She was so very handsome, to begin with ; sitting there alone in the one large, deep-cushioned rocking-chair before the fire, that crackled with its first clean morning brightness ; her feet, pretty and trim, though not so very small, set comfortably, in a ladylike way, on the low fender. And she was so fresh and comfortable. I described her just now, as we often describe, and credit to minor details, that which gives the mood and color to our general apprehension, when I spoke about the fire. Crackling with the first clean morning brightness. That was what she was, and what I have noticed her always since to be. There came an electric perception of freshness all over, with just looking at her. She gave a sensation of how nice it was to be just up, and bathed, and dressed. As Mrs. Gradgrind, or a more cheerful person, might have said, there was a face in the room pink and smooth with good rest, and cold water, and the pleasantness of a morning blaze, and you didn't know whether it was somebody's else or yours. Really, looking at her, it did n't seem to make much difference, the sense of it was so keen. It was in face, and hair, and dress, and all ; in such perfect unruffled adjustment ; out to the tips of her fingers, that with two or three splendid rings upon them, touched each other in a ABOUT THE BEGINNING. 3 sort of delight of delicate quiet, as she leaned them together, her elbows resting upon the chair-arms ; and down to the slip per-rim that framed the plump instep in its fine white stocking. I am not beginning a novel, Rose ; at least, I don't believe I am ; though I have fallen into such a story-like kind of descrip tion. You asked me about her, and how it came to pass, so I want you to begin where I did, and see her as I saw her at the first. She and I are going to be a good deal to each other, in one way or another, for a little time to come ; and it does seem, just to look at her and me, rather queer that it has happened. She had a widow's cap on, which was so absolutely un touched in its freshness that it was a wonder how it had ever got made up, or set upon her head. I almost 'spected, as I re viewed it deliberately in my mental negative, that'it must have growed. Three little cloudy puffs framed exactly the clear fore head, and cheeks, and the hair so glossy, and so carefully ar ranged, though so perfectly simple. There was a little glitter, just at the edges, where it was brushed back ; but it was more like a fine illuminated line than like gray hairs ; and she had not a wrinkle in her face, though I knew somehow, without the outward betrayal, that she had doubtless lived years enough for gray hairs and wrinkles to be quite possible. Something in the way the lips, quite faultless in their shape, lay together, so easy, satisfied, undisturbed, and in the full, calm eyelids, cor responding, made me think that she would never let her mouth sadden heavily into lines, or her eyes cry themselves dim, or into shrunken settings. Perhaps she never forgot herself long enough. She finished herself up too scrupulously every day, to drop into any decay that must partly come from not caring. Death had come close to her ; her cap said that. Death, or the separations of life, almost as terrible, must have come, I imagined, more than once ; for she had the air of one with little present responsibility, and few, if any, close ties. The very way in which she sat there, expressed the freedom, the independence, and inoccupation of a woman whose duties, and whose deep in terests, had ceased to press upon her. I only tell you just what I fancied then, mind ; but it seemed to me as if she had comfortably got through her tribulations, and 4 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. laid them away in graves, or seen her burdens happily shunted off on side tracks of circumstance ; and that since nothing great could very well happen to her any more, she could set herself placidly to receive that which remained to her, and which ap parently was plentiful and agreeable enough, in nice and leis urely detail. I thought she was content to put on that widow's cap, of unhandled creation, in the calm certainty that she need encounter nothing now, in daily wear, to rumple it. It is a sort of thing to be adopted only when the day's work of life is done ; and it seems, sometimes, to say so. I don't half like the look of it, now I have written it down ; it is n't the way I mean to judge people, or in which I thought I did. I don't think I should let myself be governed by such judgment, and I don't believe it would exactly come to me in the ordinary course of things ; but I seemed just passively to read it out that morning from the picture, as I should have read a railway advertisement in which I had really no practical inter est, only that it was placed before my eyes when I had nothing else to do. I wonder if some things not evil judgments, Rose, but some things, of after use may n't be set before us iu these passive times, mentally and spiritually, by the children of light, as these same cunning printed suggestions are put for us by the children of this world, so wise in their generation ? There is a parallel, as there is in every mortal way and device ; and wisdom is justified of all her children. To confess it all in a few direct words. I thought that woman sitting in the one comfortable chair, in the middle of the room, taking up all the pleasantness of it, was 'a very selfish woman, who had slipped with smooth self-caring through all the disci pline of living, so that it had left no mark ; who had never questioned with herself, at any crisis, whether she had done all her duty, or possibly failed fatally of something ; who, with her durable beauty, had played the successive parts of life serenely and becomingly, in the superficial sense ; not really becoming anything ; who had " appeared well " in all relations ; took up each as quite timely and suitable in its order ; found it as natural and graceful to be a widow, as to have* been a wife ; and was settled down, now, to an undisturbed solitary enjoying of what to a more real person might be desolation. ABOUT THE BEGINNING. 5 I looked at her, in that inward photograph, until I caught myself almost hating her clear, rosy face, her straight, impas sible, handsome nose, her young, unworn expression, her dainty dress, her white cap. And then the train stopped at a way- station; a party of three or four persons got in and wanted chairs, which were not all to be had, and were finally settled by the bland, gentlemanly-voiced, gold-banded conductor, in a com partment ; a boy came in with magnificent Bartlett pears, and I bought some ; we whistled and steamed away again, and came down into a lovely piece of country, where the maples were shining in the morning sun with their early gold and vermilion, and I forgot all about the calm and comely widow, and never thought any more of her until, nine months and more later, in June, I met her again at Outledge, and had my second in troduction. And now we sail, together, the week after next, in the Nova Zembla, for Liverpool. But that does not come next. And what does come next must go into another letter. I shall write more than one, I dare say, before I go. My packing is nearly done, house-packing, I mean ; making room for " Eliphalet's folks " to come to the old farm for the summer. I always say that because mother did. The dear old mother-ways, that some people hurry to get rid of, never will be helped die out by me. There was heart in them ; and how shall our " hearts live forever," if we cut away all the little live cords of habit and memory that they pulsate by? 6 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER II. CORNER BISCUITS. .... IT was the spring after Emery Ann's mother died, and little Rhodory was seventeen, and had got well on with her schooling, and, in fact, had studied too hard, and Matilda, Pen- uel's wife, wrote to ask if she could n't have her for a while ; for her health was poor, and the children " needed a sight of looking after, and he was n't to say nigh as smart as he had been ; " so we went down a journey among the Maine hills and lakes, and left Rhodory at Shenean, and came back, Emery Ann and I, by Gorham, and Mount Washington, and Out- ledge. It was early in the season when we got to the Giant's Cairn House, and the crowd had not come up. But there were twenty or thirty people in the hotel, and the early families, for the long season, had begun to settle in the little boarding- houses. I did not know a soul among the hotel visitors, and of course Emery Ann did n't ; but they seemed nearly all to know each other ; so it was two or three days before we really made any talk with any of them. But the very first person I saw the first morning we got there, was the handsome widow lady whom I had not thought of for nearly ten months, and who flashed right back into her place and history in my imagination, when I found her in exactly the same spot again, before the fire, for the early June mornings were chilly, in the same little east parlor, on to which all the fine new suite of drawing-rooms was tacked, in the great enlarging of Giant's Cairn House, after the railroad came. CORNER BISCUITS. 7 She knew the cosiest place, just like a cat; and she sat there, with just the same rosy morning face, and unfingered cap, and fine white stockings, and trim slippers, with her feet on the fender. Mrs. Henson's great gray cat was there too ; which made me think of the likeness ; and Mrs. Regis had made room for her at the edge of her skirts, and looked down at her now and then with an amiable and sympathetic expression. I was going to say a-feelin one, but I don't make puns except by ac cident. " The lady does not ' belong to the kick-the-cat-and-poke-the- fire society,' as I heard a man say once that some crusty person did," I said to myself, touching up the little character sketch begun the year before. "The cat must be comfortable, too. It is a part of her comfort." She made room for me also ; just room ; she evidently could n't have peace in her mind by actually crowding anybody out ; but I did not care to sit on the edge of her skirts like old Benjamin, so I only bowed, and moved away to a window where I found a sunny seat, and waited there for Emery Ann. We had just done breakfast. We were always pretty punct ual ; so, as there were plenty of late comers, the little morning parlor had not begun to fill, as it would presently, with people waiting about in that brief, delicious procrastination which pre cedes the " beginning upon the day." When it did, and a little circle gathered around the fire and Mrs. Regis, she found places very politely till there was no more room to make, but did not give up, out and out, her place to anybody. A pleasant little talk began, which she joined in, and indeed led, for a few minutes ; then she said, rather sud denly, that she could n't be comfortable any longer, for she had a trunk to unpack, and clothes to give out for the wash, and the woman would be waiting. " Oh, let her wait a little while!" cried a young girl, who leaned on her chair behind, and who seemed to have as girls will have an extreme admiration for the fascinating elder woman. " There would n't be any satisfaction in that, Katie ! " and Mrs. Regis rose, left the fire, and the rocking-cliair, and her 8 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. knot of satellites, and went up, with that same smooth content upon her face, into the cold. Later in the day, the ladies were gathered in the end piazza, while some of the younger ones played croquet upon the green. Emery Ann and I had work and a book, and had settled our selves, since dinner, on a small settee nearer the front corner of the house. But we were still quite near enough to the others to see and hear all that went on, in both little plays that were proceeding. For it does n't need a plot and set scenes, or even an interest that is ever to be completed, to make a play. Every chance group and conversation is a scene, and everybody but Shakspeare said that, as he said most things, long ago. There were settees, and regular piazza chairs, stiff enough, of plain deal, with no cushions, and there were one or two comfortable low Shaker chairs, and a couple of stuffed rockers. Mrs. Regis, of course, was established in one of the last, and all the rest were occupied. A lady much older than herself, with white hair and slow step, came out to join the party. Mrs. Regis rose instantly. But, then, so did Katie, and Katie's mother, and two or three other persons. The white-haired lady accepted a young girl's seat with very gentle thanks, and Mrs. Regis settled again into her own. " I wonder why they make uncomfortable chairs, at all ! " said Mrs. Regis. " If I had the ordering, there should n't be anything manufactured that was n't low and broad and easy. Such things as those, standing round, are only just so many compulsions to the continual giving up of the few one could really rest in. Nobody can take entire comfort." " Except those that 'd rather not rob themselves of the givin' up," said Emery Ann ; to me, I suppose, for she certainly had no business to speak to Mrs. Regis. But she looked at nobody at all ; her eyes were straight before her, over the tops of her knitting-needles, and her voice was clear and loud. There was that instant's silence which occurs in a well-bred company when somebody jumps over a social fence into the midst of things, the same pause of surprise that might come in talk if a cat bounced in at a window ; then everybody recog nizes that it is only a cat, and the talk goes on. CORNER BISCUITS. 9 " Yes," said Mrs. Regis, as if without interruption, " I would never have anything but easy-chairs." "And corner biscuits," said a tall, beautiful young woman, whom I had noticed from the beginning, but whose name except " Margaret " and whose exact connection in the party I had not yet found out. She had been among them all day, but without directly attaching herself to any one. " She had some little pans made," she went on, " to hold four breakfast biscuits, because she thinks a biscuit is good for nothing with out a corner." Mrs. Regis smiled, as quite willing that her providing for everybody to have the best should be made known. The girl's speech, and the personal pronoun in it, puzzled me. Did she belong to Mrs. Regis ? Then why did n't she say "Aunt," or, if it were possible to be so, "Mamma"? If she were a friend, and had been entertained at Mrs. Regis's table, why would it not have been more elegant and so, for that girl, more natural to speak of her by her name ? But I laid that aside in my mind, and went on thinking. Somehow this handsome, comfortable woman would keep ex plaining herself to me. I said to myself, " There are people who may be prompt and energetic just because they are naturally lazy, and want to make room for laziness, not leaving any little pricks of an noyance from things undone ; and persons who may be, in all foresights and decisions, generous, perhaps at great, single points, magnanimous, because they are at once proud and self-respecting, and at the same time conscious that their little practical tendencies are selfish. It is n't a hopeless thing with such a person, after all. The working, in a long time, might be to redeem one's self without knowing it." Two days after, I had been writing a letter to Gertrude, Eliphalet's wife. She thought some of coming up here with Edith, and I had been finding out about rooms for her. I had written my letter in the east parlor ; and after I had shut up my little lap blotting-book, and stuck my pen in the inkstand, and snapped the inkstand cover, I sat looking dream ily out of the window, over toward Giant's Cairn, sharp and beautiful against the morning blue. 10 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Mrs. Regis sat a little way off at the next window. She had her hat on, waiting for some girls who were going with her to the Cathedral Woods. I bethought myself suddenly of a pattern I had said I would look for in my trunk for Emery Ann, and that she might be wanting it; and I gathered up pen, cup, stand, book, and moved quickly across the room to the door. " Your letter, madam," said Mrs. Regis's voice behind me ; and I turned, and saw my letter, which had lain in my lap, in her hand. As I looked up at her face, and held out my hand, thanking her, I caught the surprise in her expression, as she saw, naturally and unavoidably enough, the address. " I beg your pardon ! ' Mrs. Eliphalet Strong ? ' Is she a friend of yours ? " And then " I beg your pardon ! " for the second involuntary liberty of the question, was repeated. Mrs. Regis had certainly the instincts of a lady. " She is my sister-in-law," I answered. " She is also my cousin ; that is, my step-cousin. I believe I 'm a step-everything to somebody or another. My step-mother was her aunt. May I ask if you expect her here ? " " I think so," I replied. " I am writing to her about rooms." " I shall be glad to see her. I have not met Gertrude for many years. I was at Fort Snelling with Colonel Regis a long time before the war ; and then when he went South with the army, I came to Louisville. I have never been quite East until last summer." We exchanged a few more words, and then Katie and Marga ret and the others came in. But my acquaintance as people call acquaintance with Mrs. Regis was begun. The real little introductions though, that I had got beforehand, and the things that gradually, in like manner, added themselves after ward were quite ahead, for a long time, of our actual intercourse. Perhaps they are likely to be so still. Now that I was " Miss Strong," Mrs. Regis was very cordial indeed. She even extended a suavity that ignored all peculiarity to " Miss Tudor." That is not a common name, you know, and she was evidently rather impressed by it. But have you any idea or remembrance of who " Miss Tudor " is ? CORNER BISCUITS. 11 Why, it is Emery Ann ! Her mother was- married twice ; little Rhodory is Rhodory Breckenshaw ; but Emery Ann is Tudor, when you go off and back to that, which we hardly ever think of at home hi any way. It is very well, I think, that I began with my voluminous "letters of introduction" three weeks beforehand. I had no notion I should be so gossippy. But you asked me for my " sights and insights," and I find they began away back, two summers ago. You are to start with me, Rose, and go all the way ; and you know what my " outings " are ; " into the mid dles," and " into other people's business ; " an old maid's mission, as I always claim ; only some old maids are so apt to half com prehend and half do their errands, and pick at the edges of everything instead of getting into the heart of any the nearest. There is no middle, but mere meddle, in that ; and they degrade, when they might magnify, their office. 12 SIGHTS AXD INSIGHTS. CHAPTER III. STEP-EVERYTHIXG. .... IF it were not for these long pen and ink talks with you, Rose, I really should not quite know what to do with the last days. Everything is getting so terribly ready ; and the house is so cleared up, and packed up, and Emery Ann and I have so much ado not to do anything ; not to live the sort of living that gets things about again, and not to wear, toward the end, what by any means will want washing and ironing again for us. We are to roll up the very last in a bundle on the Monday evening, and little Tim Callahan is to come and carry it away, as he has all the other odds and ends, for his mother. But to return to Outledge, and finish up if I can my Preface. Gertrude and Edith came up the next week. Gertrude told me a good deal about her " step-cousin." They had exchanged long visits when they were girls, though Gertrude was con siderably the younger, and they had gone to parties, for a whole winter together, in Washington. Then Virginia married Colonel Regis, and went to Florida, and afterward up to Fort Snelling, and they had lost sight and thread of each other. Virginia was Colonel Regis's second wife ; his " step-wife," as bright, saucy, willful little Margaret had actually called her, once. Mrs. Regis had told me, herself, that she had had a step mother. Had there been no real, close, first-hand relationship for her anywhere ? Was she, as she said, " step-everything ? " STEP-EVERYTHING. 13 I thought of my own dear little mother ; I turned to her in that little sanctuary of my thought where a light of presence is always hovering, and I could hardly, any more, judge or blame the woman who had had nothing like that. Her father had died, Gertrude told me, when she was only five years old, two years after his second marriage ; and when she was ten her step-mother had married again. Five years later, she went away with her husband to China, leaving Vir ginia at Philadelphia with her sister, also, of course, Gertrude's aunt. The husband of this lady was a member of Congress, and for a time in the Cabinet. Thus the girls' companionship at Washington. But what fearful fourth-dilutions of heart's love and belonging ! Colonel Regis had been killed at Fort Donelson ; they had never had a child. No*; she never had stood at any dear death-bed. That supreme, holy experience had not been given her. Perhaps she had never been ready for it, with the love that would make it supreme and holy. It might be that only her own would touch her to the real deep. There seemed little else of that kind to happen to her now. I do not think I wonder much that she wore her delicate caps, with their white rolls, only as a careful framing to her handsome face, and that she moved with a mere elegant satisfaction in the role that was assigned to her at the last. Step-e very thing ! A walking lady for the person ation of tremendous actualities. Margaret was the younger, by many years, of Colonel Regis's two daughters. Helen had been at boarding-school when her father died, and had been married, during the last winter but one, at twenty-five ; just before Margaret, in her turn, finally came home and out into society. There was a curious, and I think very blameworthy arrange ment about property, as concerned these two young women. Mrs. Regis received absolutely, some say, and some say upon condition of making no second marriage, the bulk of her hus band's wealth, the income of which was to be taxed with an annual personal allowance for each of the two daughters, to be replaced at their several marriages, with a portion outright. 14 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. A certain additional part of the large remainder was to re vert, at the widow's death, to either or to both of the children, according to her direction and in such shares as she should please ; but that amount could not be devised entirely away from both. The still considerable residue unless it were for the disputed condition mentioned was wholly in her own power and disposing. If either sister married without her step mother's consent before the age of twenty-five, she should for feit her portion and all future inheritance. Gertrude had heard of all this at the time ; it had made a good deal of talk nat urally. It came hard upon this proud, handsome Margaret. She had all her youth and its contingencies to live through, under the very watch and ward that might be so tyrannous, so selfish. Helen had escaped easily. There could have been no reasonable exception taken to her alliance with Maurice Vanderhuysen, a man at thirty-three in high public station and esteem, of un blemished record, of old New York family, and substantial wealth. Even if she had not been in her twenty-fifth summer when she met him, and chosen, naturally enough, the coming birthday in December, for her marriage. Margaret was just eighteen at this time, a year ago, you know, when I met her and her step-mother at Outledge. It was really very odd, if anything ever is, which you know I don't believe, that we all came together there and then, and that all this, and the dear Lord knoweth how much more, began to grow out of it. Gertrude thinks very well very much, indeed of Mrs. Regis. One never imagines easily that a girl one has chatted and dressed and slept and gone to merry-makings with, in the old times, can have turned out hard, or grasping, or managing, in the after-moulding of the world. Gertrude says that Virginia had been quite a devoted wife to Colonel Regis, who would have her with him everywhere, and who was very exacting in daily life. Undoubtedly, she thinks, she will do all that is right by Margaret, as she has done by Helen. Colonel Regis would not have left it so, if he had not known that he could fully trust her STEP-EVERYTHING. 15 with his children. She is the sort of woman who will feel she owes it to her own self-respect to fulfill her duties. Yes, I could see that even then. She must have a comforta ble opinion of herself. She would pay certain taxes, unhesitat ingly, out of pleasures and preferences, perhaps even in terests, to gather all back again in that form. That sort of 8elf-sacrifice carried a neutralizing quality against real wear and tear ; it had kept her calm and plump. I do not think, any the more, however, that she is a woman yet to give herself all away. And the will, I think, was even wickedly unwise. I had no patience with it, as I heard about it. I would not put between real, dear, own motherhood and daughterhood such an ungra cious, mistrustful power and dependence as that. Besides, it seems to me that such a will, in its presumption of the need for so much watch and ward and authority, reflects upon a man's own estimate of himself, and of his first dead wife ; since character and trustworthiness must surely descend by a law far more innate and unerring than any statute which can be made for the control of money -inheritance. We liked Margaret Regis, ever so m#ch, Emery Ann and I. You know how, especially since we have been quite left to each other, the good house friend and I have grown more and more to be thorough companions ; and that everywhere, though she is my great help and reliance, I refuse to let that make her, in any painful, obvious way, my inferior, any more than she is made at home ; any more than my little mother made her. It was the old-fashioned New England relation between us, always. It was, of course, convenient, and in the right order, when we were all together, a family, for Emery Ann to serve and to come last ; but with mother and me, and then with me alone, it set tled down, more and more, to make no difference. I surely could not take her traveling with me, now, as my. "maid," and send her into hotel kitchens ! No ; though she spoke tenfold vernac ular, and wore five brown satin braids on the top of her head, instead of one, which I can't yet gently persuade her out of 1 So she is my friend and companion, and people find : t out and admit it. I find it is only the unusual things of this sort that you propose to do, or half- do, that you are eyebrowed out of; 16 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. nobody stares or expostulates when you have once and for all quietly established your little exception. Margaret Regis used to come into our rooms a good deal. Emery Ann sat mostly in her own little bedchamber that led out from mine, with the door open between us. And that just expresses how we live together. Margaret was too proud and dignified to tell any one, least of all a recent acquaintance, the things that vexed or made her cold and jealous and uncomfortable in her relations with her step-mother ; but she was the most undisguised reserved person I ever saw. She never said, It is so and so, between mamma and me ; but she uttered her energetic, uncompromising opinions of life, of books, of histories, of whatever you spoke about, show ing the color of her own experience, and betraying most simply how she had come at her feeling through circumstance, until you felt almost as if you had listened in a corner or peeped into a folded writing, so thoroughly you understood that which was unsaid. She was an odd little thing, and she made you think of her so, for all her tall superbness of beauty, and her proud individ uality. She had as many freaks as a kitten, but they were springs and bounds of a strength and quickness that were akin to the leonine the grand. She would almost always make an errand from my room into Emery Ann's, and linger there, getting into talk with the quaint, honest soul, whose quaintness and honesty were he'r wonderful charm to the high-bred girl whose own originalities and sinceri ties often tempted her to cast aside the little conventionalities of her class polish and training, in outright and graphic speech. " I always did hate to be moralized to," she said one day. " If I see a thing, I don't want it poked at me as if I could n't ; and if I don't what 's the use until I do ? Do you know, Miss Tudor, what I said the first time they took me to church, when I was four years old ? It was up in the country, in Connecticut, and some old lady aunts I was staying with dressed me up and let me go to meeting. When I got home, they asked me ques tions to find out what my small impressions had been. I would n't admit a sensation, because I saw that it was expected. STEP-EVERYTHING. 17 ' Oh, I saw the people,' I answered, carelessly. ' Well, where were they ? ' ' Oh, in little pens ! ' 'In pens ? ' ' Yes, with little doors ; shut in like pigs.' ' What a child ! But what else did you see ? ' ' Oh, I saw a man, looking over the fence, mak ing up faces at ' em, and hollering ! ' That was what I used to amuse myself with doing, in the farmyard ; and it was what the preaching really seemed like to me. It seems like that, some times, to this day, especially amateur preaching." Who could not guess that Mrs. Regis had been giving long, excellent, world-wise, and heavenly-moral advice, and, perhaps, expostulation, that morning ? She was fond of giving us sensations by these queer little anecdotes of her childhood, though she scarcely ever spoke of herself as she was now. "Do let me be obliging!" she cried one day, when she had brought a footstool to Emery Ann, who had a cutting- board with cloth and patterns on her lap, and was keeping it level by balancing on her tiptoes. " I like it better now, than when it used to be required of me. People expect such per fect crucifixion of self from little children, and the total-de pravity people require the most. I remember when some one gave me a reason, once, for being perfectly willing always to leave my dolls and run up-stairs for her eye-glasses, which were always somewhere else. ' Little girls should be obliging. They are obliged for everything, you know. They couldn't get, or make, the least thing they need for themselves. The least they can do is to run little errands cheerfully.' It was perfectly true ; that was the very reason that it stayed in my mind all day, and that I rushed up to Cousin Arthur when he came in at night, and asked him with absolute fierceness ' what I could do to earn five dollars.' ' What do you want with five dollars ? ' he asked, with exasperating grown-upness. ' I want to earn five dollars, tomekow,' I said, in furious earnest, ' and live a disobliging life. ' Once in a while, I think I should like to do it now." Her voice dropped into a kind of pathetic quietness. " That girl is harrered out of her life," said Emery Ann to me when she had gone. 2 18 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. "No, I don't think that," said I. "Because, in the first place, nobody ever is harrowed out of their life ; it 's for the life's sake the ground is harrowed ; and then I don't think Mrs. Regis will ever really treat her badly." " It 's wuss sometimes when people don't," said Emery Ann, sententiously. One morning, when Mrs. Regis, Gertrude, Margaret, Edith, and I were all together, a talk came up about going to Europe. And that was the beginning though we did not think much of it then of all the talks that have come since, and of the way that it has happened round. A family parents and young people had arrived at the hotel, who had just returned from a year's travel. The girls, of course, were all alight about it ; except that I could see that Margaret caught herself up in the midst of some enthusiasm, every now and then, and calmed suddenly down. We went over ways and means, and comparative expenses, as people do ; at least Gertrude and Mrs. Regis talked it all over, and Edith chimed in eagerly whenever some special delightful thing was mentioned that one could do so easily on the other side the water. " I wish it were possible for me to go again now, for Edith's sake," said Gertrude. " She was such a baby when we went before." "Oh, mamma, I was seven, you know, just old enough for me to remember why I long to go again. I think it is nice to have been when you were a child ; you have that dear feeling of old places, besides the beauty of what you did n't see. I want so to get back into those lovely old Boboli gardens ! " Mrs. Regis turned to her step-daughter with an air as if some mental suggestion had put weight and purpose into the acci dental talk. " Would you like to go to Europe, Margaret ? " The girl's face kindled. She could not help that, at the first idea. But she looked up at Mrs. Regis, with that grave, proud expression coming into her eyes, and said, " Of course, mamma, I should like it. But it would not be of any use." STEP-EVERYTHING. 19 The last words were very deliberate and firm. It was quite uncomfortable ; it was so evident that they meant something beyond the saying. Mrs. Regis looked slightly impatient. She turned away again, to Gertrude. " Did you tell me it was in Dresden, or in Munich you bought that beautiful copy of Holbein's Infant Christ and the Sick Child ? " she said. And then led the talk round to the last collection exhibited at the Athenaeum, and from that to some body she met there; and then to an approaching wedding in town, and so back, by way of people who were going home to it, to Outledge and the present moment. Mrs. Regis not only knew how to change a conversation, but to keep it changed. Not even Edith's second girlish return to the charge, could bring up the subject of foreign affairs again. Of course Gertrude knew better than not politely to follow the other lady's evident lead. And there was nothing more said of Europe, and very little happened to introduce me any more to the Regises, for the four days longer that I stayed at Out- ledge. But I thought there would be a continuing sometime. Story writers never invented the trick in the sense of its not having been in the world before of hints and scraps in first chapters that are to " evolve " into middles and ends. It is a higher ahd a deeper thing than that ; and story writers, who put any sane, harmonious sense into their work, know very well that they cannot originate anything. It is just sights and in sights ; combining, and " putting a name to it." There may not be any more story, as far as these people are concerned, in all my over-the-water outing with them. We are not bound to remain together ; I would not be bound like that with anybody, in such mere experimental arrangement. We go to England in the same ship ; we are all to spend the summer in Switzerland; our plans may fall in, and out, and in again, " sitting by the spring ; " they say you can't lose anybody in Europe. Or they may fall out altogether. Any way, you have got now, all that I have. Anybody might have it, who was of the party ; it is nothing contraband. And you, Rose, are of the party. 20 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER IV. PACKING AND POCKETS. .... IT seems just as queer to me now, that I should really be going abroad, as it did years ago, when Eliphalet gave me that sudden invitation, and I anticipated it for a fortnight and then broke my leg and stayed at home. What a blessed break and pain that was! If I had gone then, I should never have seen my dear little mother again, on this side of the great deep ! Now, everybody was surprised that I, so suddenly, took it into my own head to go. Nobody knew that Doctor Deane had told Emery Ann that she ought to leave off housework for a while, and have a change. " If she were a rich woman," he said to me, " and educated to enjoy it, I should order her off to Europe.' It is hard to prescribe idleness and change of scene to these quiet, limited people whose little daily industries are all their life." Much he knew about it ! Though he is a good doctor, and a good soul, too. There is life of all sorts, everywhere ; and any body can go about the world and pick up what belongs to them. Perhaps the quiet, limited people are most sure what does be long when they come to it. Emery Ann likes to sit, with her knitting, in the front windows, of an afternoon, and " see the passing." That is ex actly what I mean she shall do now. It is to be a long after noon, and the "passing" is to be great waves and grand hori zons, strange people, mountain-peaks, queer little foreign towns and villages, splendid cities, beautiful pictures ; a whole hemi sphere of panorama, out of which she shall take what is her own. And the comfort is, that I don't believe either of us will PACKING AND POCKETS. 21 make pretense of appropriating what is not ours. That is the pettiest kind of petty larceny. Gertrude begged me, at once, to go with the Regises, and take Edith in my own charge. She had never been more thau half content with the plan of letting her go with her " step- cousin ; " and yet she had not said a final " No " to it. My un expected determination was a " perfect providence." Edith is just a little delicate in health, since she left school, which she has done early. The doctor has forbidden her par ties and gay watering places, but advises change and amuse ment. Here is a need, again, that going to Europe exactly meets. What a wonderful thing it is that the descendants of the people who came across the water two hundred and fifty years ago, for a refuge from the oppressions and tyrannous customs of life, should be drifting back again now, as the only escape, in one way or another, from the penalties and weari nesses of our own civilization ! Yet, I don't quite believe and I say it beforehand in the " rest " of Europe that everybody promises you. I think I know how it will be ; with the cares of travel, and the different management, and the unintelligible speech, and the strange money, and the continual reckoning up of things to be done and weeks to do them in, probable expenses, and balance of credits, I fancy it will still be a " rest that remaineth ; " and that we shall begin to get it just about as we come to the end of all the fine sights according to Baedeker, and the pounds sterling in our banking account. Well, it will be something to look for ward to, the looking back upon it as accomplished. It is the " toeing off" that is the satisfaction, after all, even whilst you knit the stocking. Gertrude thought I might do as well without Emery Ann. " A foreign maid," she said, " who knew the language, or a courier, would not cost so much, and would be far more ser viceable. Still, no doubt it would be a great comfort to feel that she was with me, especially if I should be sick or any thing." I told her that but for Emery Ann, I certainly should not 22 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. undertake to go at all. And she did not know the reason ; and nobody does, but you and Doctor Deane. Not even Emery Ann herself. She thinks, what is also very true, that I will not let her work any more, and that I cannot keep house without her, and that neither she nor I could bear to let an Irish girl loose in that bright little home-kitchen, to have her way among the tins and coppers. So that it only remains for us, like other people, to betake ourselves across the water for a while, to the Great Foreign Refuge for discouraged and disgusted Amer icans. As to the kitchen, Gertrude is to bring her own furnish ings. She prefers it ; and the stove is to be put in the great " shed-room " for the summer. Her kitchen must be kept off a little; ours will be an ante -room between it and the parlors, and her servants will have it for a sitting-room when their work is done. They are nice sort of women, too, considering ; else I don't think I could have planned it so. Doctor Deane tried to compliment me one day, and I rather snubbed him. " I think I could not order many mistresses to Europe," he said, " for the health of their maids." " Doctor Deane ! " said I, " if you ordered me a sea- voyage to save me the use of my right hand, don't you think I should take it ? " And I think he saw that that was simply the common sense of it. There has been much continual question, all along, of what to pack to go, and what to pack to leave ; what to get new now, and what to buy abroad ; what to wear at sea, and what to throw overboard before we land. " It will do to put through the port-holes," says Emery Ann to half the old things in wardrobe and bureau. She has got the word, and the idea, all but what the port-holes actually are. Very likely she thinks they are in the bottom of the ship. " I don't think we can change our clothing more than ten o o times in as many days," I said to her at last ; and after that she laid aside less for the port-holes. Another perplexity has been the sea-pockets. PACKING AND POCKETS. 23 Mrs. Shreve had made me one, and Seelie Rubb had made another, and just at last there have come two more, from the doctor's daughter and the minister's wife. One has a place for slippers, and another two nice little square places for bottles fitted in ; and one has an oiled silk sponge-bag, and one a beauti ful deep catch-all at the bottom. We don't know which we had better have handiest, and we never shall keep the run of things if we try to use them all. I have packed them over and over again, to see ; and I can't remember a minute where I put the hair-pins, and where the pin-cushion ; in which was the little spring flask for cologne, and the salts-bottle, and the fan; or whether the aconite and nux vomica vials were in the one that was to go over the washstand or in the. berth. I didn't know where things had better go. I was sure we should want them all everywhere ; and that there would be vast and impassable spaces in those little eight feet square state-rooms, as soon as we began to be miserable. I was seasick once, going down to Port land ; and I could n't get a clean pocket-handkerchief out of my hand-bag, that was hung up in the farther corner, just beyond arm's-length, all night long. As to my keys, and my eye-glasses, and my little sea-purse with shillings and half-crowns in it, I mislaid them altogether, half a dozen times, and grew quite hopeless about them, putting them into safe and convenient places. In the end, I think everything will settle into the big catch-all, as the sea itself finds its level ; and I have made up my mind that that (you won't think I mean the sea) shall at any rate be tacked up in my berth. Eliphalet has ordered a box of Weld Farm cider for us, and Mrs. Deane has brought me pretty nearly a peck of popped corn in a pillow-case ! The Doctor laughed at her, she said ; but she did n't care ; " somebody who had been " had told her it was the best thing in the world to eat at sea. It makes a huge brown paper parcel in its final wrapping ; but what will any body think it is who seizes hold of it, as they all will, the first thing, to relieve me ; while I shall lug unnoticed, the little casket, heavy with books and bottles ? Is n't it much the 24 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. sort of helping we are apt to get with our life-hurdens ? So that people whose few grains of trouble are all popped, make pathetic show with them, and get them taken off their hands directly, while some of us struggle on as we may with little visible lead weights that strain hard and sore upon the heart- strength ? SHIP-RIGGING. 25 CHAPTER V. SHIP-RIGGING. .... I DARE say you are quite right in prophesying that 1 cannot be so minute in everything for a whole year of going and doing, as I am now in these little breathing spaces of rest and looking forward, with all that relates to the year's plan and expectation, so fresh and minute in its interest for myself. But you need not bid me " drop the letter-writing just whenever and wherever it grows to be a tax." All my hiving-up of what I am to gather is to be with you, Rose. It is good to have a savings-bank to put your pennies in. " When a-twister a-twisting would twist him a twist," some one at the home end must hold to the twist ! It was to have been the dear little mother ; but she holds the other home-end for me now ! It is the self-same thread that reaches on toward her, and as it twists it shortens, and I feel her fingers drawing at the line ! There is something in this going over to the " other side," which I look to for a great comfort. I shall know that there is another side. The ocean and the Alps are really there. I shall find it out as all the maps and the descriptions have never shown it to me. We think about the things in this world that we have never seen, much as we believe in the things of the other world. We do not doubt ; they have a place in, and qualify, all our thoughts and notions ; we know they work into our life ; but they are not great, present facts to us. They do not palpably seem. I am going, now, into those actual presences. I shall learn how real they are. I shall know, I think, better than I have ever known, how real the things may be that lie upon that other side, to which men cross but once, and come not back, nor 26 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. send to us, with stories of their travel. I shall be able to think that life and love, like the planet, are round ; and that though we lose out of our little horizon, nothing that holds to them by the eternal gravitation ever falls away. It is good for me to write to you, my Rose-Noble. There is twice doing in it. The thought and the telling that go west, go east also, toward that " heavenly quarter " where some have said God's presence shines like a sun above the angelic faces ! And, oh, it is manifold with meaning ! I shall feel, too, how certain it must be, after all, that from out that heavenly morn ing, sweet words and breaths are sent back into our waiting twilights, writings are made in our hearts of the blessed things that they walk in the midst of, in that near, fair, Other Side! I shall be getting messages ; it is greatly what I have in my thought and hope in going. When I stand in wonderful places, where the rocky spires shoot up into the blue, and the white gla ciers come down in awful splendor, I shall reach farther, I think, and touch nearer, to the glories and marvels among which she is moving, and which she longs and tries to share with me, through these, that are of the same. There is no gift or greatness of experience that ever descends upon me, that does not seem to come by her. Not the less, or even the less directly from the Father of lights ; because I think, gladly, how "He maketh his angels, spirits; his ministers, a flame of fire." What can that mean, said of Him whose is the Holy Spirit, and whose thoughts toward us are angels, who is himself the central sun of being, except that the very heart- pulses out of the fire of his love are living flames, hearts also, and that loving hands are bearers of the bread with which He feeds us out of heaven ? The breaking of the bread, Rose! The sharing! It was in this that the Lord was made known to them. The morsels blessed and given to her above that she reaches down to me, I will break again with you ; and so, across deeps and deeps, we will all take together of the communion. The two young girls have been so glad and busy together. For Mrs. Regis and Margaret are staying at Eliphalet's, now. SHIP-RIGGING. 27 It has been so important what they should have for their ship- dresses, and then to travel in afterward. I was there one day, when Edith came up from Winter Street with patterns. There was no camel's hair to be got in the right shade, the one she had set her heart upon. But this, in the newer stuff " West- End frieze " was almost exactly like, and the shopman said " camel's hair was rather going by, there were so many imita tions ; it was better style to wear the frieze." " West-End freeze, now, is it ? " said Eliphalet, who pretends to laugh, but whom nothing escapes in his girl's equipment and appearance. " Have it, by all means ; only next week it will probably be South-End thaw, and then what will you do ? That 's the Boston climate, Pashie ! " But the child has got a pretty suit, and if anybody is pretty on a sea voyage, she will be. The rough, russet-colored stuff, with its big polished-wood buttons, looks so comfortable and jaunty and ship-shape, and the loose, large hood with its silk lining of the same color, makes her look like a brown gypsy or a brown nun, I don't know which. She has a brown leather belt and reticule, and a brown veil and a sealskin -jacket, and a beau tiful brown-shaded lap-rug. Margaret's dress is black, with a scarlet hood-lining, and her rug is in scarlet and black stripes ; and Mrs. Regis has given her a tiny scarlet belt-bag, with black clasps. " Don't be too kind to me, mamma," she said, when she took it. She never says " mamma " unless, for the moment, she feels it. I have found that out. And I never saw a creature who felt a kindness quicker. What will they all say when they see Emery Ann's " pump kin hood ? " "I know what you want, out in a high wind," she says to me ; " and there 's nothing like a punkin." It has five double runnings, and five fat rolls between, and five bows, one behind another, and a half-ellipse crown-piece flat against the back of her head, and it is made of green-figured brocade, fifty years old. And she has got a yard and a quarter of green barege for a veil or a necktie, as may happen. It had 28 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. not occurred to me, until she produced it, that you never do see green barege veils nowadays. I think she could not have bought it new ; it must have been laid away among her stores, with the brocade. But I did not ask her. If ever I make a suggestion to Emery Ann about her dress, it must be before hand of her preparations. And, indeed, it is the nicest way with everybody. I have a deck-dress, too, a warm, fur-lined silk sacque, and a velvet hood with a violet lining. But I have a berth-day dress, and I am afraid most of my days on board will be berth- days, a long gray flannel wrapper, and the little purple and white knit head-gear you sent me, and it is of them I think with the firmest satisfaction and reliance. I believe the ship-rigging is complete. I think, as far as we are concerned, the Nova Zembla is ready for sea. A note came two days ago from Mrs. Regis, with " V. R." in the corner, like a royal missive, telling me to be sure and have a sea-chair, and an India-rubber hot-water bag ; by which I knew that she would have her own, and that nobody near her must look uncomfortable. So I ordered the sea-chair, with " P. S." painted on the back, as was suitable for the last thing thought of. But I have motherdie's dear little tin foot-warmer, which is better than any bag, and warms heart and feet both, being a little piece of the very home-corner of home that I can take all over the world with me. How can people help loving things, when they are all full of life magnetism, that even a finger-touch gets the thrill of? Eliphalet says, " Don't cumber yourself with holding on to all the traps you Ve ever ' got attached to.' The longer you keep them, the harder it will be to let them go, and they keep accu mulating all the time. You can't carry anything out of the world, and you can't carry round much in it. I always get rid of old relics." " You '11 be an old relic yourself, pretty soon, papa," said queer little Jeannie, who stood behind him, smoothing and play ing with the hair that begins to shine with white. THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 29 CHAPTER VI. THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. .... WE were notified to be at East Boston Wharf at nine o'clock on Tuesday. So we were up at five, and ate our break fast together, Emery Ann and I, without saying much. Our silence said, " It is the last time." I drank my coffee out of mother's brown-sprigged china cup, and then washed it, and put it away in cotton-wool wrappings, in the little old cabinet where I keep " relics," and of which the key goes with me on the ribbon round my neck, with mother's ring and picture. Mrs. Shreve is to take the cabinet to her house, when Eliphalet's folks leave for the city in the fall. I wonder if I shall ever take out the sprigged tea-cup again, and drink from it ? If I do not, it will be that I drink, instead, from the cup filled with the wine that shall be new in the King dom. So I trust, and so I have said to myself, when I have waked in the night, with that strange, startled feeling of what is before me, and the wonder that I never knew all my life before what the blessing was of sleeping quietly in the bed where I have slept since I was a child, beside which prayers seem to have less far to go to God, in the safety of the old home, where rain or sun might wake me to equally sure comfort in the morning, with immovable timbers and solid earth, like Almighty strength, beneath me, and so, not a fear in my heart. So ? It ought not to be so ; though we must thank God for the peaceful environment. For the unresting floods move by Him, also ; the sea is his, and He made it. It is like the moon-picture ; the fluid weight, the floating rest. I will think of that. I will seem to myself more in his hand than ever, when I drift in that immensity where power is 30 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. almost tangible, and I can feel the liftings and fallings with which, as if I were a child in arms, He tends me. If I go down to the depths, He will go with me, and instantly I shall be at the Land whither I went, with the face I waited for shining suddenly upon me. What if He say to me, " Thou shalt not cross this Jordan ? " It will be that He shall bear me over into the other Canaan, and unto the better promise. We got into a hurry, in that last hour, notwithstanding all the thoroughness of our preparation. Emery Ann's leather trunk would n't shut down and hasp, and I had to go half way to the bottom of the one I had marked for -the hold, to get out some writing-paper to use on shipboard. Then, at the last minute, the front-door key, that had never been on the outside of the lock for years before, would not turn ; and everything else was bolted and barred, and I was to take this key in to Eliphalet. " Things make me madder than people, I do testify," said Emery Ann, as she struggled with it. " Things do act like creation, sometimes." " They act as if they knew" I said, thinking of the cor respondence, and that to lock ourselves out of the old home could n't and should n't be done in the turn of a finger. The little practical hindrance and bother saved us, after all, from some of the hardness and suddenness of the turning away. We had to drive round by Mrs. Shreve's, and give her the key, and tell her that we had left the door unfastened, and that she must see to it and have it fixed, and keep the key for Eliph alet. " And don't let me forget to tell him, Emery Ann," I said. " Don't put it on to me," said that good soul, imperatively. "There aint no 'M' to the beginning of my name, and never was. And what I used to remember at all by, I 'm all unhitched from now ! " One way and another, we had lost a full half hour. Elipha let and Edith and Gertrude had crossed the ferry two trips before us, and had begun to watch anxiously, when we drove in at last under the long, open shed, full of groups of passengers THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 31 and their friends, and piles of luggage, with a line of carriages moving in and out through the midst. It had seemed so queer, riding through Boston, seeing the stores just open, as usual, where we had done busy shopping within the last few weeks, and at whose counters we should not stand again for such a strange, long time, yet where the buy ing and selling and crowding and parceling and callings of " Cash ! " and weary waitings for change would be going on daily just the same ; the horse-cars that we had dodged and signaled around that frantic Boylston Street corner, where they come from every way and go so many that you are half sure to take the wrong one and get whisked back through Temple Place again ; the boys selling morning papers ; Park Street Church, and dear King's Chapel, and the Museum, where we had been with Gertrude and the children to see Warren in the " Overland Route ; " all moving swiftly back and vanishing be hind us, as pretty soon the continent the holding of all our life would do. " It seems as if everybody was done with it, and it was going to be sunk, don't it?" said Emery Ann. She always hits the nail of my thoughts on the head with her short-handled little hammer. And here I must assure you, Rose, that when downright earnest does not demand it, and when outside surrounding puts her at a longer range of ceremony, she has a longer handle for the conversation, and can give gentler taps ; even, if she chose, the little, delicate, polite ones, like other people's, that don't drive anything ; though unless speech be directly required of her, I think she chooses rather the simple sublimity of silence. So that I have no uneasiness as to her being misunderstood, I certainly do not care for her committal of myself, among any persons, of reasonable apprehension, with whom we may be thrown. She can restrain her negatives, and forego con tractions, and even take the trouble of final g's. But what if she does n*t ? When she lightens herself of impedimenta, it is apt to be that she may march down upon something; and her batteries of common sense are shotted with forceful dialect, as cannon are made emphatic with canister. 32 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. We found our party sitting about on their boxes, near one of the great doors which opened out on to the wharf. A man was going round with a paste-pot and labels, putting printed papers on all the pieces of luggage, " HOLD," or " STATE-ROOM," in big letters. When we got all our things together, the names and letters made curiously funny contrasts and unexpectedly imposing conjunctions. There was " Stuart Regis, U. S. Army," on one piece ; " V. R." on another, to which the paste-pot man was just affix ing the appropriate ticket, "STATE-ROOM"; "Strong," on a zinc-covered box that looked ominous of treasure ; and here came " Tudor," on Emery Ann's new square trunk, to antag onize the " Stuart " and complete the royal group. " E. A. T." in close-printed brass letters was on the end of the little, old- fashioned, knapsack-shaped leather one ; and " P. S." was con spicuous on the box that tumbled up last, in such a hurry. The girls read them off, and laughed about them. I told of a lady, whom I recollected, who used to travel with a great black " Saratoga" marked in white letters, " C. A. T.," and the porters used to call it the " black cat," with a perfect participle before the adjective of color. With these trifles we passed away the minutes that, however precious, one never knows what to do with, the last before the actual and long " good-by." Gertrude sat beside Edith, on the " Strong " box, the girl's hand held fast in her own ; Eliphalet moved about, here and there, never far off, and pausing close, first to one, then the other, of us two, who were the whole ship's company to him ; several of Mrs. Regis's friends had come over to " see her off," and she stood, with her hands full of flowers, chatting pleasantly with them. A young man in the nicest of gray morning suits, with a white carnation in his button-hole, had found his way to Mar garet Regis, and she, too, held a fresh bouquet, shyly, as if it had a meaning in it. A stylishly dressed girl was talking and laughing with them both, and called the young man " Harry." I noticed that Mrs. Regis occupied herself with her own group in rather a marked way, and that she and her step- daughter seemed to have quite separate leave-takings. THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 33 Is this breach of tacit confidence, I wonder, Rose-Noble? I don't think I can help it, if you are, as we agreed, to go with me, and have all my insights. What are statues, and pictures, and steeples, or even mountains and ice-torrents and cascades of cloud, compared to the human life beside us, to which the keys of our own heart-hidings let us in ? There was talk about the " tug," and "going down." There was a new rule about it, it seemed ; the company had found that every passenger had a party, and that it would soon require a squadron to escort Her Majesty's mail packet down Boston harbor ; so, ostensibly, there were to be no permissions, yet it was very well known that the tug would bring back as many as she could well accommodate. " Of cou-rse, one could ma-nage it," said " Harry," with the indescribable English repose of lengthened syllables by way of emphasis, and the rising inflection at the end of his sentence, which have got to be " the thing." " But it 's hardly worth whi-le. They '11 want a little time to themse-lves, I fancy, be fore the pitching begi-ns ; and you 'd be dead su-re to be si-ck, Flora ! " Margaret had turned a little aside while he was speaking, to answer an official who asked some question about valises for the state-rooms, and then she walked a step farther toward the doorway, and looked out I thought, to see if there was any movement toward getting on board. It was only a step, not out of hearing or conversation, and Harry, without a notice able pause, referred to her in the same quiet and very gentle manly tone, " Don't you think so, Margaret?" He called her " Margaret," then. " I ? " said Margaret, as if first noticing. " About going down, oh, yes, I always think that is nonsense. People must turn back, sometime." But there was a faint quality in her tone, that to me who had caught the meanings in tones for forty-eight years, sounded as if people might wish to go as far as they could, whether they did it or not. I do not think Harry observed it at all, and possibly she did not herself analyze it. And then it occurred to me that here were two young persons, between whose thoughts, perhaps, a 34 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. there ought to be some delicate echo that was not ; and that one of the two just faintly missed it. Maybe you will tell me that I was in a great hurry with my insights, but I could not help them. They will come. I will try and not let them do any mischief. As Emery Ann said once, about thoughts : " You can't hinder 'em, any more than you can the birds that fly in the air ; but you need n't let 'em light and make a nest in your hair." The great bustle, that we had waited for as if it were not com ing, began all at once. There had been some change of pro gramme. The steamer had been hauled round to another wharf, and it seemed a few persons had had the sagacity to discover it in time, and to drive around and go on board there. We had seen a carriage, in which was a well-known prima-donna, drive up near us and go away again after the lady had exchanged a sentence or two with a friend, and we thought she had only come to take leave of some one. But we saw her name, now, on two large boxes, and were told that she was to be of our ship's company. There were two tugs puffing off steam at the pier side, and one was being heaped rapidly with luggage. Toward the other, across an intervening vessel, a stream of passengers was moving, and the word was passed suddenly along. Our moment had really come. Gertrude held Edith in one hard, close grasp in her arms, and let her go. Eliphalet kissed her, and shook my hands strenu ously. He does not kiss much ; and perhaps I did not look as if I expected it ; we have been grown up and quiet so long ; but I know, at any rate, that we kissed one another in our hearts, if we did not in the sight of the crowd. " Good-bye, Pashie ; take care of yourself! " And we were on the plank, and then in the crowded little boat, whose hot deck gave hardly standing room ; and they were on the wharf, with their carriage waiting behind them. A little wave of hand and handkerchief, a few more move ments in the crowd around us and around them, and that was the last. I knew Eliphalet would hurry Gertrude home, and I turned round and talked fast to Edith, who was pushed up against a capstan, or something, and made her sit upon it, and THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 35 put her feet on my traveling basket, while I settled down on a coil of rope. " Take care of yourself ! " I was sure of all that Eliphalet felt and meant ; but I thought over that queer mod ern phrase of farewell, which takes the place of the solemn old prayerful blessing. It is like all the other outsides we stop in, nowadays ; shrinking from sounding deep. Nothing goes into word, that is not tangible and practicable. Common speech is full of straws that tell the way of the world in the world's think ings. I wonder if we shall ever come to " Bye, bye ! Look out for your atoms ! " Was n't it queer that I caught myself fancying that, in the midst of my real heart-parting ? If I had been writing a com mon, conventional letter, I should not have put it in. Per haps I should not have remembered it. I should only have recalled the general mood, natural and of course, and have credited myself with nothing but the inevitable sentiment of the occasion. Are they deep down and significant, or do they only float over depths with which they have nothing to do, these odd per ceptions and suggestions that come to us at the flood-tides of experience ? I did not see how Margaret and the Mackenzies I heard some one speak of that young girl as " Flora Mackenzie " parted. I was not looking. I am not always looking out or in. I thought something, of constraint, weariness, pain, whatever it might be, had lifted from Margaret's face, as the boat moved off. The prolonging of feeling that belongs to an unavoidable moment is a weariness. She sat down low upon her shawl-bag, and the people about her closed her in. She got up, once, as we rounded the pier end, when somebody said, " There they are." She waved her handkerchief, as if in case it might be seen, and then her eyes seemed to search the crowd uncertainly. I do not know whether she discovered her friends' faces or not. " What is the use ? " she said, as she met my look and sat down again. " We may as well begin our year's parenthesis." It was a curious expression, was it not, for a young girl, out of whose life a whole year roust seem so much? 36 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. I saw that Mrs. Regis heard it, and took some meaning from it. But a life parenthesis may include more than it interrupts. Nova Zembla ! We felt it more like Tartarus, as we climbed on board. The July heat that had steamed us, like potted pigeons, on the deck of the crowded tug, was blazing in the air, and reflected from the white-scoured planks, and the flashing brass of capstan, and compass, and belaying-pins. We cast a longing glance at the seats under the protecting awning ; but we had to dive down the companion-way, as soon as we could find it, and rush about like lost rabbits in a burrow, among the narrow, bewilder ing passages, and from side to side of the vessel, in search of our state-rooms, which we knew so well on the ship's plan, but which seemed all turned round and mixed up now we had got among them. Fore was aft, and aft fore ; port and starboard were unknown terms ; and right and left were nowhere. It was all wrong, and nothing left ; there was " a hen in every nest," Emery Ann said ; and every hen had brought a brood with her. But at last we found out where to look for the numbers, and remembered that Emery Ann's and mine were 121-2-3-4 ; the big corner state-room, amidships ; and we flew to the four corners, and dis covered it at the fourth. There had been a crowd there before, or we should have seen our bags and boxes piled up within the doorway. The little passage next, from which opened the room that Edith was to share with some other lady, Mrs. Regis and Margaret were quite on the opposite side, with a double row of inside state-rooms between, was filled up by three or four per sons, gentlemen and a lady, who chattered volubly to some one farther in and out of sight. Well ! Was this the " big state-room " that we had chosen, and that Mrs. Regis was so glad we had, because she had the mate to it ? It was exactly large enough, in the space between sofa, and washstand, and berths, and the box that must remain just inside the door, for two persons to stand, close together ; I may say, if they affectionately embraced. But there was a THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 37 sofa ; and in the corner, at its foot, under the port-hole, a square projection that afforded a top like a table. On this we piled bags and baskets, and ranged a few essentials in some order. " If they '11 only stay put," said Emery Ann. " But I sup pose they '11 be all upside down, and we too, as soon as we start. " Then it won't make much difference as to our mutual rela tions," said Edith, laughing. " I presume it won't," said Emery Ann, solemnly. We tacked up the " catch-all," and hung two other sea-pock ets on hooks, near the looking-glasses. We lifted one box down from the other, and pushed it close to the foot of the sofa, in front. Now, one person could stand, and one could sit. We unrolled our shawl bundles, and took out our hoods. Emery Ann looked with a sudden mistrust at her " punkin." " Do you s'pose I shall wear that, Fourth o' July ? I 'm in clined to think I was partially distracted when I made it. " The Fourth will find us somewhere off Newfoundland, I imagine," said I ; " with the winds, maybe, coming down from Labrador." " Does n't appear likely now, does it ? " And she laid the green pumpkin, which it certainly seemed might ripen in many days of weather like this, up into her berth. She had insisted on taking the upper berth. " I was always famous for climbin'," she remarked ; " and you know you 're sure to tumble if you get a chance." Meanwhile, poor Edith, who had made another essay toward her own beleaguered quarters, came back, still crowded out. I hastened to present myself with her at the entrance to the passage. " This is Number 108, I believe," I remarked, inquir ingly, to a stout personage who stood between the doors. " Ah! Is it this lady who has Number 108 ?" the large gen tleman returned, blandly, with a foreign accent. " Allow me to introduce to you, Madame, my wife." " Madame, my wife," partly emerged at the word, and Mon sieur, the husband, stood back as flat against the partition as his dimensions would allow, that Edith and she might peep at each other across him. " Madame, my wife," was also very stout. And Madame's boxes and rugs were everywhere. The small 38 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS, sofa was occupied with a large, flat piece of luggage, which had refused to go under the berth ; and upon this were a portman teau, shawls, and several bulky parcels. " You had better come back with me, Edith," I said, with per haps a slightly severe quietness, " until Madame has had time to arrange her packages." " Ah, yes, certainly," said Madame. " They will all go quite well, presently." But I had a persuasion in my mind that they would " go quite Well " all across the Atlantic, pretty much as they were, with certain not comforting allowance for the plunging of the ship. It needed only a glance at the expression of things, to see that. Edith brought her little valise into our room, and hung up her hat and put on her Capuchin hood, and said it did not matter ; we would go on deck. She supposed Monsieur at least, would be gone by and by. " At all events, we can take you in, or whatever you want to keep here. That was what we took the corner state-room for. you know." And the corner state-room suddenly looked palatial in size, and homely in comfort, after the heaping and confusion in the little den next door. " I 'm afraid I shall never get on with Madame, my wife," said Edith, meekly. " You shan't, if you don't want to," said Emery Ann, briskly. " I '11 see first how my Yankee will fit on to her French, or whatever it is." Mrs. Regis came round now, to see that we had every com fort, to remind us of the things that we should want close at hand, if we were sick, and so forth. " You have brandy, of course ? And lemons ? Yes ; and a salt's-bottle ? And there 's your foot-warmer. Quite nice, es pecially for deck. I saw your chair, as we came down, and had it put in a good place, with ours. I 've spoken to the deck- steward, and we shall be all right, I 've no doubt. Will you go up now? Miss Tudor, you will need your hood. You have one ? We shall be in quite another climate within an hour." As we went up the stairs she said, " We shall have seats at the first table, at the Captain's end. I have arranged all THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 39 that. It makes a great difference in the pleasantness of the voyage." We were steaming smoothly down the harbor. Somehow, Deer Island and Fort Independence, and Blue Hills and Fort Warren, all looked very different to me from what they ever had done in day's trips down to Hingham in the Rose Stand- ish. They were small landmarks ; they had to do with but one little indentation of a great shore we were leaving for an other ; though the little indentation was the harbor of the Hub, and all the world we had ever known much of lay right around it. Will home, and place, and possession, and history, look that way to us in the hour of setting sail across the Deep whose ships steer only eastward? We sat comfortably in our chairs under the awning, Emery Ann had a smaller folding seat, which was all she would have, and made our first observations of our fellow passengers, in general. We could not be quite sure who were to be with us all the way, for the tug was still alongside ; but the ladies who had put by, as we had, high hats and lace veils, and who in hoods and wraps occupied the initialed reclining chairs, were certainly for Liverpool ; and here and there a gentleman not specially attached with the " seeing off" air, to any party, and wearing a felt wideawake, or a sea-cap, might be noted as on the steamer's list. The officers, with their gold bands on sleeves and caps, passed to and fro. I wondered which, of two stout men with fine faces, and exactly similar dress, might be Captain K. What a curious life it must be, sailing back and forth, carry ing your little world of human beings with you always, and changing it every time ! Pretty soon, perhaps, these gentle men would begin to get acquainted and make themselves agree able among us all ; and it would always seem to us as if they had been especially and separately our friends, because they had taken us over ; yet in a fortnight they would be turned about again with a fresh fourscore, and we should have been tipped out like any other lading, to find our way whithersoever we had been sent. 40 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Mrs. Regis was just what I might have expected her to be, the most fittingly and harmoniously arranged woman on board. It had occurred to me to wonder what would become of the invariable, immaculate cap that seemed almost like a part of her face ; and what would replace it. She was dressed now in a suit of fine English waterproof, of deep, black-purple ; a hood of the same, with black silk lining and tassels hung back upon her shoulders ; and upon her head was a fleecy, knit thing, with one soft, white roll, which gave the customary, and the best possible, framing to her features. I thought, looking at her, of the piquant speech of a whimsical friend of ours, that " a woman ought to be born a widow ; " " perhaps, and fatherless," I had answered at the moment ; and the absurd mot and repartee came back to me more than once afterwards. People are born, in a sense, what they become ; fate is folded up in us ; but nobody can skip over the history into the pose and role it puts them in. Am I minute enough ? You charged me to " tell every thing, especially about the voyage," which travel-stories al ways begin with pretty graphically and never keep straight on with. I would not write a book of travels for all the world. I do not mean to write travels, even to you. I put down my "out ings " when I stayed at home ; now that I go abroad and about, I shall very likely fall back mostly into my abidings. It is with larger living as with longer living ; it only sets old things at a farther focus, and looks keener into the far off and the gone-by. Besides, what after all would my little foot-tracks, or my pen- tracks about them amount to, except that they were mine. You have got it all in books, over and over again ; and it is in pict ures, now, better than in books. I will bring you back photo graphs, Rose, and we will talk over them together ; meanwhile you shall have just the little happenings and thinkings that make the journey mine. If people only told just what was theirs and did not fall into the technical, inventorial gabble which makes you tired and want to shut up the covers ! I have sometimes wondered why I can never go all the way with them. It is nice at the first, fresh start; but afterward THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 41 the spring all fails out of it. The first pages are real, are charming ; then comes the smatter ; strings of names and places hashed up together, with epithets peppered over, a mere warming up of what you have had served so many times be fore, without an additional flavor. A few pages of encyclopae dia and thesaurus are a refreshment after it. I think it is because they put down the things they have run about among, instead of those " a part of which they were." It ought to be a record lilfe the holy Acts Luke wrote, of " that which their eyes have seen and their hands have handled, of the word of life." For the word of life is abroad in the world to-day, for them who "go abroad" to find it. The best motto for a volume of travels would be, like that of any enterprise based only on real, tangible, safe capital, " Lim ited." But " Limited " to the things of day to day, if there is much life in them, spreads out so ! I must beware of that, and write the word on both sides, if I can. The weather was changing before we noticed it. We met an east wind before we got down to the Light, and fog came roll ing up from the Bay. It began to be rough, and the little tug pitched up and down. " They '11 have a genuine touch of the sea before they get back," said a passenger. One of the gold-strapped gentlemen was passing by. " You do keep some of it on board, after all ; don't you, Captain K. ? " continued the speaker, addressing him, debon airly, and buttoning a large rough coat closer about his throat. " Yes ! Which ? " Answered out of the hard, authoritative face a quick voice, that sounded as if it could have fun in it when there was time. " Nova Zembla weather." " Never sail without it. Keep it for the passengers, though. Don't take the corks out till we get rid of the landsmen. Have that hawser ready for the tug ! " he shouted over the rail, in a quite changed tone, to the men below. And he was off, forward, on his rapid business march. The tug came, with dizzy heaving and dipping motion, 42 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. alongside. People crowded over the plankway in the fast de termining rain, happy if they had umbrellas. We had not be gun to feel very much the movement of the large steamer ; but to look at that of the little vessel swaying up and down, and to watch the swelling of the waves, was growing sensibly perilous. We were glad when the tug was loose, and bounded away from the ship's side ; and we were glad, with a little brief and futile gladness, that we were not on board of her. When the first dinner-bell soundeTl, just after she had got be yond farewell signals, looks and questions were exchanged with a sudden irresolute timidity. A great many people were not hungry. A good many preferred the evils they had, in the drift of the rain under the dripping awning, to those they knew not of below. Those who were going down announced it with a marked jollity of manner, as who should say, " Certainly ; begin as you mean to go on ; we dine regularly, of course." And they walked off with a very great superiority, italicized by the air of making nothing of it. Not yet, at any rate ; that would be too absurd ; we were scarcely well out into the Bay. Edith had looked a little pale, a few minutes before, and had risen from her seat and moved quickly and quietly toward the companion-way. I followed her, of course. " Are you wanting anything, dear ? " I would not say the word that verifies itself so easily on shipboard. " No. Don't say anything. Don't come ! " And she was so peremptory, dear little soul, that I went back, feeling dis tantly conscious, also, that I had n't quite the strength of mind just then to " set an example " judiciously. " You will be sure to be ill if you don't eat," said Mrs. Regis to me. " A little bit of beef is the best thing, and they have real English roasts here. You had better come with me." "Emery Ann?" I began cautiously. But Emery Ann's face was turned aside, and the " pumpkin " vibrated faintly, but decidedly. The deck steward rushed up. " Will you have anything brought, ma'am miss ? " he asked, glancing with a wise generality from one to another. I suppose he could read faces and the backs of heads, for he rushed away again without an answer. THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 43 After my piece of beef, nothing happened, that I know of, for half an hour. I am not sure, exactly, where anybody else was during that time, and I found out, or I do on reflection, the depravity of my nature ; for I am tolerably certain I did n't care. I know I had a book in my hand, and a lemon on the table beside me ; and that I was in the little lower ladies' cabin, not far from our state-room ; and that I did not allow myself to suppose it was time to " imagine anything ; " and that I occu pied myself with a diligent and forcible determination that I would n't. This resolution seemed to encounter something be tween my heart and my throat, which it had been summoned like a policeman to take hold of, and it held on, for its own life. All at once an evil suggestion came to me that in my state room was the brandy-bottle ; that I had very absurdly forgotten all about it ; and that a teaspoonful after dinner (which I began to remember like a guilty deed) would probably act as a " pre- ventative." I recollect a few steps beyond the cabin door ; a blind stagger along the narrow passage as the ship rolled ; a plunge into the little encumbered square of territory that we called our own ; and a vision of Edith's pale face, with a queer, suffering smile upon it, as she lifted it toward me from over the wash-basin, and sank back upon the sofa. Emery Ann was up in her -berth, with her hood on. When I asked her, in a pause of personal relief, if anything was the matter, she replied, very much in her throat and with a sepul chral significance, "I should like to go into a dor mant state ! " The stewardess came in, and offered services ; she said it was " reely very rough, and most of the ladies was sick ; " we heard Madame, my wife, in awful spasms on the other side the thin par tition ; the steward came round and lit the candles in the three- cornered glass boxes between the rooms ; the rain, and the tramp, and the voices sounded on into the night, above ; we asked each other no more questions, but suffered manifest des tiny together without words. But I parodied Sir John Moore's burial over and over in my mind as I lay there, and tenderly gazed at poor Edith's head, and bitterly thought of the morrow. How long could we endure it ? And there were to be ten mor rows. 44 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. I thought as I rolled on my narrow bed and crushed down my pitiless pillow, how the rattle and swash would keep on overhead, and we far away on the billow. I fell into a feverish nap at last and began again where I had left off, when I heard the early stir on board, the stewards running up and down the staircase, a clatter of dishes, and voices with a cheerful swagger in them asking about wind and weather and the way we had made in the night. " Lightly they '11 laugh that our spirits are gone, and for our small spunk may upbraid us," I rehearsed, in a helpless, imbecile way ; but little we '11 reck " if they '11 leave us alone, in the beds where our folly has laid us." I had just weakly finished that in my mind, when that mar velous woman, Mrs. Pride, whom nature, constitution, and choice had qualified for what one would call the last profession on earth, if it be on earth, came in upon her morning round. I looked up at her in awe and wonder, as if she had come on wings. There she stood, serenely poised, with her comfortable bulk, trig in buttoned corsage, linen collar and frilled cap, while I lay collapsed in the wreck of my neat yesterday's toilet, feel ing that as to ever building myself up again into a visible and conventional woman, I might as well try to build a' solar sys tem. " A little better, ladies ? Will you have breakfast ? " Edith groaned. " A few biscuits ? A little beef tea ? An orange ? " " Oh, I would like an orange," said the dear child, faintly, as if making the first blind grasp at life again. The bedroom steward was passing. " Alick ! " called Mrs. Pride, " some oranges here, No. 121, immediate." And she had the excellent sense to say no more about it, but to depart herself, and presently fetch back a plate of little " Peek and Freans." If she had said " biscuit " again, I could not have forgiven her ; but when she handed me the crisp little morsels, I looked up with an infantile gratitude and took one. It was a reassurance to find I could nibble, and swallow ; and that nature, after her fierce reversal, seemed timidly inclined to THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 45 return to first methods, and try whether a soul might not eat, and yet not surely die. Then we hailed each other across the gulfs of misery that had separated us. " Edie ! are you really a little better ? " I enunciated slowly. " Yes, auntie. I think so. But how shall we ever get out of this ? " " Emery Ann ! " " Present ! " answered a voice from the upper berth, feebly. " But I can't put up my hand." I wondered whether she were dreaming herself back thirty years, into the district school at Shetffean. In last extremities we do go back to such far first things. " Are you awake ? " " I presume so." u Have you got some " " Don't say it. Yes, I have. It can't -be talked about." And she crunched, gently, but I am sure that it was with all her force, to let me know. We smoothed ourselves a little, as we were ; and there we remained. All day long we listened to the footfalls and the voices ; the hauling of ropes ; the great pulse of the screw ; the calls of the officers, the whistle of the boatswain, the yo-hoi's of the crew ; to sound of inquiry, or petition, or faint misery, from the open state-rooms ; to the frequent and resonant anguish of Madame, my wife. Night crept on again, and the little glass boxes were illuminated ; the bedroom steward came in and put a front-piece to the sofa, and brought extra pillows ; and Mrs. Pride tucked Edith up more comfortably. And that second night there was leso rolling, and we really slept. Shall we ever forget the waking, that third bright morning, when the little round port-hole window was all blue with a clear day, and the vessel lay almost quietly on a calm sea, and sailors' voices were singing with a strange, wild thrill of melody, a kind of song-jargon to which at every other line the burden ^as, " Yea-hey ! Roll the man down ! " ? 46 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. I saw a pair of boots descending in air before me, from above. " I wonder if they 'd roll a woman up ?" said Emery Ann, with resurrection in her tone. " For I 'm going on deck ! " " Emery Ann ! " said Edith, with a little gurgle of a laugh, as if she had almost forgotten how, "you would put courage into a caterpillar ! " " I did n't mean to say anything till I could," answered the woman whose name is Tudor, and who has a far-away blood- royal in her, I doubt not. We had all lain listening, and looking, in the still rapture of a painless waking, and the sweeping in upon us of a new breath of hope, until we brimmed" over in cheerful speech. "It must be a glorious morning! If there could be, how long have we been here ? eight days more of woather like this ! " I forgot, all at once, how bitterly I had thought of the ten morrows. Mrs. Pride appeared as I spoke ; rubbing her hands compla cently, as if she had made the morning ; at least, as if it had been made on board. I noticed afterward the same sort of in nocent assumption in the other ship's people, and in the passen gers, exchanging congratulations. My dear Rose ! it was all ours ! I have talked before about " being in the middles;" but in the middle of this great, round, blue, heaving, sparkling sea of this over-spanning hemisphere of azure light ! With the wind all in our sails, the fragrance in our nostrils, the greatness and freedom in our pulses as we bounded up and down, the whole space, the whole watery planet for where were the continents ? our own ! After Jhe sea-wretchedness, the sea-ecstacy ! Truly, the latter end of Job was blessed beyond his beginning ! Mrs. Pride helped us up. We shook and we smoothed ; we bathed, and brushed, and pinned, ourselves and each other, the little that we could ; during the process, we overflowed no more in glee ; it was a struggle. But we left that state-room. With the assistance of Alick and Mrs. Pride, and a strange gentleman with the officer's band, into whose arms I fell as I reached the staircase, and who THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 47 lifted me kindly along in my faint bewilderment to the deck, and put me into a chair, I discovered afterwards that he was the doctor, we were translated from grief to glory ; and that which I have just spoken of was what we found ourselves in the midst of, when our senses gathered themselves again, and we lay among our wraps with our faces heavenward, for heaven was everywhere, as we could have lain forever. After the first transport of our own coming up out of the catacombs began to subside into quieted content, we looked round to see who else had risen among the blessed. Mrs. Regis was there, had she ever been entombed ? walk ing the deck with Captain K , who came over with her to us, presently. " Do you know what she says?" he demanded, after the intro duction, with his off-duty, holiday air. " She wishes there were teu-theousand miles between Boston Light and Fastnet Rock." " I dare say there are," I replied placidly ; " for I have n't the least idea where Fastnet Rock is." " Not know that ! What in the world are you going out for to see ? It 's on the top of the Tower of London, to be sure ; the greatest -eeure-iosity in Europe ! " And he wheeled Mrs. Regis round, laughing, and they walked forward again. Some people think Captain K is too ready with his non sense ; but I never saw a man more judicious in applying it, or more kindly quick in perceiving where a little would do good. The same quickness of sight and action goes into his work as a commander. I have known him stop in the middle of a joke, to walk suddenly away with that other face of authority shut ting instantly over his fun, give a rapid order, and come back, relaxing his features as with a sweep of sunshine, and finish the absurdity from where he left it off. He noticed the little chil dren ; he never let an invalid be neglected ; he gave up his own room to a very sick lady, who had an undesirable state-room ; and I think he keeps his nonsense as they do champagne cider, for remedy and resource ; he establishes a way with it that I be lieve he knows would stand him in stead in a time of real, anxious necessity. That is my insight of Captain K ; but many 48 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. people measure him only a half line deep, and find fault that there is nothing profound in him. We hardly remembered whether we had eaten or not, we were taking in such direct vitality from sky and sea ; but they brought us some beef-tea, and it tasted delicious. They make wonderful beef-tea on board the Nova Zembla. Then we saw ladies sipping lemonade, and we called for some. Food and drink began upon primal conditions, and had the very joy of life in them. We remembered that we could have dinner on deck ; that we need not go down out of that upper radiance all the day long, until the day went ; that we should see the whole, round, vast circle of the sunset glory, and the perfect hemisphere of stars. We did not care how many thousand miles we had to go like that. Why, I think the Sea is the greatest and the best of it ! Margaret Regis was wrapped up a little way off; we nodded and smiled at each other, but did not dream, yet, of getting nearer. Mrs. Regis's promenade did not continue long ; she understood the brief leisure of the Captain, and she paused and resumed her own seat by her step-daughter's side, after a few more turns, in time not to be deposited. A lady sat near them whom I chose at once, from among all those strangers about me, as one whom I should like to come to know better. She was of my own age, or more ; she wore a little black silk hood, under which hair of a singular silvered gold came out in gentle waves, fretted into curliness by the sea wind. She had a face of beautiful peace ; one of those faces whose look is like a listening to pleasant whispers. I wondered if it were always so, or whether it was the just coming up, as it was with me. I do not mean that my own face shone ; I don't suppose it could, like that, but it was the self-same shining that I felt upon my heart. She seemed to have a party with her, or to have helped make one up. A young lady, with lovely dark eyes, who held a little girl upon her lap ; a tall, noble-looking man, of ripe middle age, accompanied by a bright, handsome boy, who paused now THE LONG SEA-LETTEE: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 49 and then in his walk to lean over them and speak a few pleasant words (I heard him call the young lady " Faith," and the boy said " Mamma ") ; another gentleman who drew a camp-stool near while I was looking, and whom I had heard addressed as " General." One of the young generals, doubtless, made by the war, it occurred to me to think ; for he could not be many years beyond thirty. Very handsome ; I have hardly ever seen a finer face, or one with more strength in it. A few sentences that I caught showed me that they had known each other before, but had found each other out as fel low passengers since they came on board. " The drift of life is a wonderful thing, stranger even than ocean currents," said the lady with the silver shine in the golden hair. " I never came on board a steamship, and I have crossed several times, that it was not more or less singularly exemplified. You and I, Mrs. Armstrong, have not met before since we worked together and grew to be friends, in the Sani tary Commission ; and General Rushleigh but then he has been nearly everywhere ! " " So it is not strange, perhaps, that I should be here. Cer tainly it is one of the very pleasant things ! " " Very certainly," rejoined the lady, with a smile that turned the application back ; but I could see by a kind of rare simple- ness in General Rushleigh's face, that he had only spoken pre cisely as he felt ; and that there was no mere compliment in his word to make him take heed, even now, of its doubleness. I noticed Mrs. Regis turn her head slightly, as the name of General Rushleigh had been mentioned. But he sat with his back toward her at the moment. She knew him, very likely, as she seemed to know half the world. I had seen her talking with the Lady of Peace as I christened my elderly friend till I should know her worldly appellation just before he had come up ; and then she had withdrawn into her rugs and had taken up her book. There was no immediate and graceful way of coming out again at once, and Mrs. Regis never did anything that had not graceful relation. But I knew from that one little half turn of her head that she would " take up her connection," first or last, among these others, and that through her, perhaps, 4 50 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. during the voyage, our two parties might moie or less approach. I might come to know my Lady of Peace, whose face had so much in it for me. I never thought why was I of so little faith as not to think ? how sure, and near, and even very soon, our knowledge was to be, and what messages and gifts she had for me ! I fell a-questioning, faithlessly. I was certain of these faces, these tones ; of the spirit that I felt by intuition, yes, by kinship (for it is not praise of one's self to say that one knows her own needs, and what natures hold the answers and the helps), to be in, and moving between these people. The Spirit that we pray daily to be kept in, all the day long ; near to each other in the Blessed Light, near to the Light itself, that we know by the soul's gladness. " To walk before Thee in the land of the living." I think that asking asks all heaven, and its instant beginning. I knew it by the unspoken signs, and by little words I heard that I have not written down. Why was I going to Europe with Mrs. Regis ? Why were we to stand together before the high presence of white Alps, and in the awfulness of mountain gorges ? Would there be, anywhere, a common language for us, syllabled or "nnsyllabled, in which we could truly speak to one another ? What identical word was coming to us, at this moment, from this great sur rounding of the sea and air, this clear antiphony of the two blue deeps ? And we should step on shore from the same deck with such as these, to go our several ways. It almost seemed to me, in my sudden bitterness, as if it would be the parting to the right and to the left. I felt as if a whole, large life were spoiled, perhaps, by a mis take that I had made ; a shadow fell upon me of what married pairs may feel sometimes, when the most terrible of all human misgivings rushes down upon their hearts with a darkness. I tell you I was faithless, and unjust ; was not the Light shining on us all ? We are only to get close enough, close to where the Light gets, to each other. But it is so much readier, so much more blessedly inevitable, with some ! THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 51 Had I turned away from any leading, or taken any willful way of my own, that I found myself here ? I had not started for 'Europe without much weighing and thinking. It had not been easy to leave the dear old grooves of wont and duty, the little plain signals for every-day work that I was happy in ; the places full of sweet sacredness that held me in their own inner atmos phere ; to come out fi*om all into a strange holiday which I almost began to fear and shrink from already, as if I should get adrift in it from my dear, best anchorage, and never find and hold it again as I had held it. Were there things in me foolishnesses, worldlinesses that had even already made their ill response to something like themselves outside of me, and be wildered me out of my simple, safe identity ? In the midst of the real joy of the morning, there were unrealities that I had caught myself troubling about. Perhaps I don't know I may confess them presently. I took hold of the only line that ever leads me back from the labyrinths of distrust and self-blame. I said, Surely it was right that I should do this very best thing for my dear and faithful Emery Ann ; the thing that she could only get through me. I did not think, now, that it had been too much, uncalled for ; that a summer down in Maine would have done as well. I knew what that would have been. The same old toils, for some one else ; she would " help," wherever she was. I knew I did it to give her a great, free piece of the great, free world, that she had as good a right to as anybody, and that would fit on to her beginnings which had all been so real, better, perhaps, than if they had been the unlived beginnings of books and technical culture. I said, that it had been surely right, again, for me to take Edith, and mother her for Gertrude. And these things, follow ing each other, had put me with Mrs. Regis, of all the other possible companions in the world. Then it was right. I would wait and see. I got back to my faith by following back my leading. I may have as much errand with these people, with Margaret and her step-mother, who at first would not seem to need me at all, or I them, as ever I had with Seelie Rubb, or the Sunday strays, or the 52 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Shreves. It was a new leaf. I must turn it over, and spell as the letters come. But the silliness, Rose, that had come over me in little whiffs, even at my eight-and-forty years! The little, petty, self-silli ness ! Shall I pretend to sound and interpret others, and not sound and confess myself? * It had always been so easy, hitherto, to be plain Patience Strong. Growing old, never having been much to anybody, except to the little mother who had been growing old who was now heavenly young before me. Never having been beautiful, or gay, or charming; only a little kind and useful here and there ; never left alone, or dreary, because put in such safe, simple relations, where small kindnesses and uses made friends. Was this just why I was put out here suddenly, to find that even at forty-eight years old I could wish that there were something portable about me, some brightness, some attrac tion, something left of youth, even, that would express me as I felt myself inside, and draw to me a little of that which so many others seemed to have as of course, a mere part of natural living ? I had not known, before, my solitariness in the world. I had not understood, years ago, the sudden, little tender pity that came, sometimes, in mother's look at me. I knew what she thought of now ; it came into my own look at myself. Or was it her gentle, wistful watching of me still ? Sometimes, Rose, I get tired of wearing this homely old self. I would like to carry some sign of the world-wide beauty that I never did carry. I would like to be in pure, fresh, outward har mony with the lovely morning; a human piece of it; as these girls, whom I love so in their freshness, seem to be. I said to Emery Ann, once, that day: u How nice it is to belong to it. To have it in your face, and your hair, and your eyes, and your smile ! " She knew what I meant. Some bright young things had just gone by, the wind blowing color upon their cheeks, and the light playing with their loosened locks ; and somebody near had said : " It can't toss them amiss ; it is we old ones must keep tidy!" THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 53 " Good looks are a snare," said Emery Ann ; " especially to them that have n't got 'em." I laughed with amused apprehension ; Emery Ann thought it was at her contradiction. So she went on, as her way is, into more contradiction, and involution of phrase and grammar, say ing the same thing. " 'T is so. It don't make any difference what kind you 've got, or whether you have n't got any ; they take your mind up exactly the same ; more, finally. It 's the tidiness that 's the bother ; you can't, half the time ; it 's the tidiness that gets away from you, because there is n't enough to keep tidy with. I 'd just as lief be old, as not ; I 'd as soon be sixty as forty ; but I do grudge coming to pieces in spots ! " Even Emery Ann ! Well, I did not laugh this time. It is in us all, the beauty of being, and living, and having, the striving after " tidiness " that is perfect fitness, which we never attain to, or which is just shaped out to be taken away. Did I say that to myself? Or did something put the thought so to remind me ? " Shaped out to be taken away." The words were drawn, by the truth of things, to a real, def inite illustration. I remembered some sentences of Ruskin's that had been curiously beautiful to me, just from the fact they told ; and now the fact interpreted itself. He explains to us how one of the ideas of architecture grew ; from observing the outline left, when the rose or the trefoil, or whatever was first traced for carving, had been cut and taken away. That which was left was as beautiful as the central design ; to appropriate Emery Ann's word, which holds, that way, a great gospel, " more, finally ! " So God shapes the flower of beauty in us, and seems perhaps only to reveal its glory by a taking away, withdrawing his thoughts out of the heart of our living. But He sees how fair in the life stands the outline that is left ; how the tender curves bend and cling about an emptiness, and declare in them selves a wonderful, essential grace. He makes that which re mains by the same stroke which separates and removes ; the r ose is always in the midst, a rose of heaven seen through 54 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. the arches where its place was ; and so He chisels and thins and glorifies us, until in the immortal aspects in which we shall stand before Him, only so much of the mere form of being shall remain as shall make it possible for us to hold these thoughts of his with which He has been, by depriving, filling us. Emery Ann had not read Ruskin, and I could not tell her a long story out of a book just then. I saved it up for another time. But she sat and looked at the waves, with their crisp, white, flashing tops. " Even the water is touched off with bright little curls," she said. " Yes," I answered ; " and it comes, and it goes, and nothing stays. But nothing is lost, and . every thing is beautiful in its season." " Well, I guess we can stand it, if He can." She spoke softly, and I knew she meant just the same thing as if she had said, " "We can wait with God." The lady with the gray-gold hair had a book in her lap, and when I looked over at her again she had taken it up, and was reading bits, and then looking off from it, thinking. She said something about it presently, I did not quite catch what, to Mrs. Armstrong. " I do not read these modern essays much, or the discussions at all," said the clear, peculiarly feminine voice of the younger woman. " They tire me so. It seems so needless, when we have all the best things sure ; whatever little dusts they may raise with their digging among the atoms." "I read them," was the reply. " I am glad of them. They give me keys the writers will not unlock with. How strange it is that they do not know how to put God's alphabet together and see it spell his word ! " A third gentleman who had walked up at the moment with Mr. Armstrong, stood by her as she spoke, and caught the saying. " They are very honest, Miss Euphrasia. Don't you think so ? They would be glad to see. They stand reverently in their blindness, before closed doors. Perhaps when they do find a way forward, it may lead farther on than men have ever gone before." THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 55 " But if they were not blind ! The Door that is opened, that they do not see ! " " Are there not more doors than one ? Are they not all of the same, Divine, every one, if any ? Why should they not go their way, to open more entrances ? " " Ho v can they go without the light ? Is it not the Mar riage, of sign and life, of matter and spirit, to which the five wise entered in, and the five foolish were stayed from in the outer darkness ? " " Who shall dare to sentence wise or foolish, in that which none have wholly seen ? " " I am only sure of one thing," said Faith Armstrong's gentle voice. " Whether it is in myself, or whether it touches me from above myself, I know what I must believe, what I cannot do without." " Pardon me ; but is that argument ? " " Is n't it as good argument as their's ? Is n't it a true reach ing, a natural selection ? Why not a law and a growth that proves itself, as much as animal development ? " " And the best belief," said General Rushleigh, " Chris tianity ; the ' survival of the fittest.' Is that anything different from the fulfillment of the true, the coming of the Highest ? I wonder if they thought of the etymology," he continued, " when they hit upon that phrase ; or whether they spoke wiser than they knew? ' Fitt,' a song, a harmony; 'Fait,' a a fact, a truth ? " Mrs. Armstrong smiled so softly, so brightly, upon the speaker ! And her husband, standing close by, silent, leaving the talk to these women and their insights, smiled upon her. " You lay your hand upon the keystone of the arch," said Miss Euphrasia. " The angel that stood with one foot upon the sea and one upon the land, was the living meaning of the Loi-d, joining the tangible with the intangible. If they would only mind, if they would only get at the secret, that they are related ! That they cannot push a research into one without an instant flowing up of the other ! That the very types they are finding are the types God talks by to tell us all ! That there is a natural, because there is a spiritual ; and that the sign, the out- 56 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. come of the one is the truth, the inmost, of the other ! Men have worked two ways, in the world of things and the world of spirit, as if against each other ; but there will come a last stroke, and it seems as if it were very near, when they shall find themselves face to face, and see that it is all one! " " They may ' come to know, even in this their day,' " said General Rushleigh. Mrs. Armstrong finished it. " ' The things that belong to their peace.'' Is n't that just the relation, Miss Euphrasia ? " Her name, then, was " Euphrasia ? " Does not that mean, from the Greek syllables, something like " good words ? " I don't know, except from the little prefix, as in " eulogy," " euphony," and the rest ; and from the " phrasis." "When I get at " Worcester " again, I will look it out. You know I believe in christenings ; and, at any rate, I remember the little plant, " eyebright," whose botanical name is " euphrasia." It was believed to clear the sight; and from what can the good words come, but from the clear seeing? From what else do they come, on the lips of this sweet Lady of Peace ? We sat late on deck. We dreaded to go down into the burrow. Edith said " we should go right back into yesterday." I did not want to bury Sir John Moore any more. So we saw the stars come out, and the moon rise ; we saw a great ocean space melt into silver under it. The captain had on his watch- coat, and his Scotch cap, and walked up and down with his soul in his ship, and no word any more for anybody. Only two or three beside ourselves lingered ; and we at last outstayed them all. Do you know how the moon seems to move along with us overhead, when we travel upon the land ? Fields, and trees, and houses glide by and are gone ; they are things on the earth ; the things set in the heaven are always with us. At sea, there are only the things in the heaven to measure by ; you seem to swing up and down in the same centre of wide waters, to hang in the midst of a forever which is forever Now. And the moon keeps with us, closer, also, night by night, be cause we sail eastward, and move always to meet her rising. THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 57 She is perhaps half an hour later each evening, instead of an hour, as at home. We change our time twenty-five minutes daily ; we go back into time, and live that much over. Has not that, also, to do with the spiritual sun-rising, and the " garden of the Lord eastward in Eden ? " The more we move toward Him, the more our dear past shall live to us, shall be redeemed out of the abyss ? Shall live to be redeemed, some of it, that is not dear, nor tolerable now ; that we wish were different ; that we would deny and change, in our better growth and being, if we could stand in its moments as we are. I think if a soul that has repented and turned away, were set back beside its own old wrong, it would feel blessedly its own redemption and forgiven-ness, by the utter unbelonging, and the gracious sorrow that would come upon it, as if it saw that some one dear to it had been misled. We may stand, our own pardoning or condemning angels, in that past which shall be pres ent. Be that as it may, there will be one at whose shining feet we can lay it all down with its tears, and who will speak the " Go in peace " we wait for. Will there not be many waiting so ? Will any stand up, sure and strong at once, among the sinless ? Will any have to shrink away before condemning fellow-eyes, when Christ that died and is risen again, sitteth upon that throne of his glory, clothed in a garment down to the foot, that the lowliest may touch the hem of, girt around the breasts with his golden girdle, the faithfulness and righteousness that search out all and make all right, his Face like the sun, and his voice like the eound of many cleansing waters ? In His Glory ! When the spheres Lighten with that wondrous blaze, How shall all my sins and fears Meet thy dawning, Day of Days ? "Nothing hid ! " No thought so mean That to darkness it may creep ; Very darkness shall be seen, Very death to life shall leap. Nothing deep, or far, or old ; Nothing left, in years behind ; All the secret self unrolled : Light of God ! I would be blind ! 58 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Only I shall see a Face, In the glory lifted up ; And a Hand the Hand of Grace Whose sweet mercy held the Cup. And a Voice, I think, -will speak, Asking of each sin-defiled, Whom his saving came to seek, As a mother asks her child : " Wert thou sorry ? " " Yea, dear Christ, Sick and sorry I have been ; Wearily thy ways have missed : Wash my feet, and lead me in ! " Though in this clear light of thine, Sin and sore must stand revealed, Though no stainless health be mine, Count me, Lord, among the healed ! "Not with scribe and pharisee, Dare I crave an upmost seat ; Only, Saviour, suffer me With the sinners, at thy feet! " That little fact of longitude, that I always knew, now that I actuatize it, opens such great gates of gladness ! A little moving dayward, on the earth, and a piece of the inexorable conquered ! Time, that devours, itself is eaten up. I do not expect that " time " and " past " are any more at all to them who dwell in the celestial sunrise, what they are to us ; I do not suppose the years we count so sadly have anything more to do with their dear relations to us. Our life is not slow detail, and pain to linger in, as they see it. Neither can they forget ; there are no forgetting spaces. I think my motherdie is toward me, just where she was, whatever else is added, at that last dear moment. I do not suppose she says as I do, " It is eight years." She is among the magnitudes and the glories ; where nothing is small or far away, and nothing even the glory close and outshutting. She holds far more, and she measures less. The child, at school, lives out a whole existence of play-time and lessons in a single morning. The mother, at home, in her larger thought and work, feels hours as moments, and hardly a THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 59 breath of distance between the kiss she gave her darling for good-by, and that with which she welcomes her home at the noon-tide. " It makes you realize your Geography, does n't it ? " said Emery Ann, suddenly. " ' The earth is a globe, round like a ball, flattened at the poles.' " " Oh, Emery Ann ! Your geography did n't say that ! " " They said it amongst 'em. I learned it here and there at the beginnings. But you can come out here and see it. ' You realize your geography, and more, finally.' " I knew she would sit here, and watch the " passing." It spoke great words to her also. The passing of the planet be neath the stars. It was the next day that a little incident happened. There was a crowd of people under the awning, and it somehow seemed to spoil the sea-feeling. A great many people, in chairs, talking about just such things as they always did on land, only varied with a little curiosity when the log was being heaved, and the running calculated, or the captain came out with his sextant and measured the sun's altitude at twelve o'clock, hinder one in seeing that beautiful " passing " which I was blessedly content to watch continually. Edith and Margaret and I, got our chairs and wraps over at the side, under one of the boats that was laid up on great crotched supports above the deck, and found ourselves delight fully shaded from the sun, and with our own quiet out-look upon the sea. How did we get them there, all those heavy things ? Why, you dear little land-bird, or blossom ! that is the beauty of it. You never have anything to lift or to carry, on ship-board ; not even your shawl, if you are caught in the act of picking it up. You have only to stand up, and lay your hand on the heap you have emerged from, it may be with ever so honest an intention of doing for yourself, and straightway everything is grasped, and the folding-seat, clattering at all its joints, laid hold of, and you are asked by some man-kindly voice, " where you will 60 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. have it? " Men certainly fulfill their generic title with a perfect splendor on board the Nova Zembla ! It was General Rushleigh who hastened to us when we began our move. It does not need introduction, as it does on shore, for people to speak to each other, or offer little friendly service. "We are all in one boat, and we have a human sense of it. The hour may come when one life or one death may be before us all. Universal relation is condensed into epitome, abstract good will becomes little practical kindness. Or, the other thing may declare itself, as in all days of judgment, and pass visibly over to the left. But one is glad to look about and see how far, after all, the sheep out-number the goats in the dividing. General Rushleigh placed the chairs, and helped us spread our shawls, and held them from blowing away while we seated ourselves with our faces waterward ; and then he tucked us up, and rugged us over, and bowed and went away ; leaving us, three beatified mummies, to the long delicious idleness, and the passive reception of the flooding, world-wide joy that surged upon us from bountiful sky and exuberant sea, as we sailed, as we sailed ! Rose, if I could give you one live instant of the ineffable pleasure ! Emery Ann was packed away between the binnacle and the saloon skylight. A few moments later, two ladies came and placed themselves on camp-stools in the little corner by the companion-way, just outside the forward stanchion, or boat-post, behind which we were ; (if I don't name things rightly, I can't be held account able ; I name them for the most part, as Adam did the beasts, intuitively, at sight ;) and, as they settled themselves, began, or continued, a busy chat. The wind, that blew their voices right across our hearing, carried our own, or would carry them, if we spoke, pretty, well away from theirs. Margaret and I were nearest, with our backs to them ; and as we sat quietly watching the blue rush so close beneath us, we began to catch, presently, scraps of their talk. At first, we hardly noticed, and neither understood nor cared ; but, directly, this came : THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. Gl " The eldest is exceedingly well married ; and beside her fortune, which was hers by the will upon the wedding-day, I 'm told Mrs. Regis gave her five thousand dollars as a gift outright. Now I say that was pretty well for a step-mother. Indeed, they say she has brought up those two girls splendidly. I 'm not surprised, she was always clever. I remember her as a child, though I have n't known any of them since. She used to play dolls splendidly." Margaret laughed low. " I 'm glad we do her credit, as dolls," she said to me. " Are people to help themselves, I wonder, tied up under the keel of a boat ? "We can't move, can we ? Or speak, that they would notice ? " The lady went on. " The younger one, the one who is on board, I believe she 's sick, is rather more of a handful, I fancy, than Helen. My sister had a poor little governess once, who came from the Regises. She was a meek little thing ; she said Margaret was a magnificent child, but she could n't manage her. There was a funny story about her getting her, Margaret getting the governess, I mean, up into the crotch of an apple-tree by some device, and leaving her there, helpless, with her book, while she ran off and took a whole half holiday with kittens, or some such nonsense. Nobody knew what had become of them till the gardener happened to find Miss Lariat up in the tree, and helped her down." Margaret had manifested an annoyed and uneasy amusement during this speech. At its first pause, she turned her head upon the chair-back, lifted her face as well as she could toward the speaker, turned up a corner of her Shetland veil, and sent a clear tone across the distracting breeze. " I beg your pardon ! I am Margaret Regis, and the wind is this way ! I think there has been a slight variation played some where on that little nursery melody." It was perfectly ladylike, and good-humored, but a finality. The ladies laughed, but they must have felt uncomfortable. The speaker made the best of it, and showed society breeding. "I quite resign the story to you," she said; "you certainly 62 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. must have the authentic version. Allow me to congratulate you upon being on deck. How lovely it is here, after the first dismality ! " " Thank you. We are enjoying it." It was a polite, impalpable " leave us alone." Nobody could ever accuse Margaret Regis of rudeness ; yet she was never hampered for a moment by a pretense ; or cornered by an un welcome conventionality. " Poor Lucy Lariat ! " she said to me, when the two ladies, finding their immediate occupation gone, had betaken themselves to a promenade. " I always told her she was n't made to noose wild colts ! I '11 tell you about the apple-tree, Miss Patience. It was an irresisti ble May morning, and it got as much into Lukie's nerves as it did into mine. I could n't study ! At least, not indoors, when my apple-tree for it had a crooked branch, high up, that was my favorite seat was full of pink blossoms, and the birds were building in the marten-boxes close by. I told Lukie that I 'd do the history, at least, I 'd listen to her doing it, for she used to read it to me, if she would come out and let it mix with atmospheric air as stupefying things ought to do. ' I '11 not miss a word,' I told her ; and she knew I always told her true. You see she was only nineteen, herself, to my thirteen, and so she came. She had never lived in the country, and climbed trees, and I had some ado to get her up into the first crotch. And there she stuck, she and Mrs. Markham. She was pretty comfortable, however ; there was n't room for two ; and ' sound ascends,' I told her. ' It 's a great mistake about pulpits, that the preacher has to fire over people's heads ; they don't do that at the opera.' So I hopped up to my perch, and began to keep my promise. " How could I help it, Dixon's coming down the plank-walk from the house, with that covered basket ? I knew it was my kittens as soon as I saw it. What did I care for King John and the barons ? What were the liberties of London to me ? The question of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness was coming closer, to say nothing of the rights of property. I left Magna Charta where it was and instituted Habeas Corpus then and THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 63 there. I just dropped straight down through that tree, past Lukie and Mrs. Markham, and the camp at Runnymede, and fell upon poor Dixon like a shaft of lightning. He began to say, * Mrs. Regis thought best, miss,' but I left him finishing his sentence, and before he could have got to the end of it, I had those little cats up-stairs in my room and on the sofa. I kept them there and on the piazza roof a month ; of course they wanted a good deal of petting and pacifying after their kidnap ping; and I did forget Miss Lariat for half an hour; and Dixon had gone off and she had to wait till John Frowe came up. But I know she never told the story as that woman had it. The reason she gave me up was because she sympathized too much with me, and she had a conscience." " Mrs. Regis has sent me, ladies, to bring you this basket of grapes," sombody said, just as she stopped speaking. Grapes at se'a ! Up went three thick veils, and round came three ecstatic faces. General Rushleigh stood there, very much as if he had been waiting several instants for a pause. Marga ret's color was bright with something, whether with sea air, or her own story, or the consciousness that it had been overheard. General Rushleigh drew up a camp stool, and stooped to come under our retreat. " I am also commissioned to ask Miss Regis for a certain key to a square black box, that I may fetch a little chessboard. In half an hour, Mrs. Regis is to give me a ' tour.' Meanwhile, may we not make ourselves known to each other ? I am Paul Rushleigh." " I think we do not need to be told who General Rushleigh is," answered the old lady of the party. " I am Patience Strong, and this is Miss Regis, and this my niece, Edith." " Your mother has gone into the captain's deck room at pres ent," he said to Margaret, as he seated himself, after bowing and taking my hand at my self-introduction. " She and the Rever end President are looking at some charts." There is a Reverend President on board, and he carries both things in his face. For that reason, Margaret has n't patience with him, though I don't soe how he could really be expected to help it. He was once, 1 believe, at the head of a college, 64 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. not Harvard ; and he is the first officer of ever so many literary and scientific associations ; and being ex-reverend as well as ex-president, and counted on as a man of elegant leisure, is called to the chair upon public occasions, until he has a way of presiding everywhere, and perhaps has a trace in his general manner of something, which, when it descends to the vulgar extreme, or as Dickens would exaggerate it, may be called self- flunkyism, a conscious waiting of the private and every day personality, with a subdued and secondary importance upon the personage of occasion and fame. I think I have seen a faint refined touch of this here and there among our conspicuous men and women, and that a certain miasmatic seed of it floats, as it were, in the peculiar air of much of our American culture." Margaret shrugged her shoulders slightly, under her wraps. I saw a smile, as slight, curve the corners of General Rushleigh's lips. He is a quick observer, this young military 'leader. I think I catch a little laugh from you, Rose. Well, yes, I did observe them both ; I do notice, myself. I notice you, you see, all this long way off. We ate grapes, sending some over to Emery Ann, who nodded back her thanks, and relapsed into a quiet bliss ; and we fell into a chat about one thing and another, and I don't know that anybody but me kept the thread to which joined a word of General Rushleigh's, said after a little pause, and without im mediate connection. " I wonder if it ever puzzled you to think, Miss Strong, why it is that we cannot patiently allow anybody to be conscious of that in themselves which everybody is conscious of in regard to them ? Why vanity is the last thing, almost, that we pardon ? " I did not answer instantly. I only smiled. It set me think ing somewhat. But Margaret Regis said, " I suppose because we know so well in ourselves the mean little thing that vanity is." Again General Rushleigh gave her a quick perceptive look. " But there are persons," he said, " and I think these are apt to be most intolerant of conceit, who, one would say, are too proud and independent to be vain." " That is just what they are vain of," said Margaret. " That 's just where the creeping little thing gets under." THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 65 She spoke with a perfect, honest disregard of inference or application, though she had just said, " It is because we know in ourselves." " Well," said General Rushleigh, with an emphasis, " It is the truth sets free." They were both too well bred to bring personal pronouns into such discourse, indeed, it seems to me that Margaret Regis is too direct and intense, too single-eyed toward the light, to remember how her own face may show in it. But the little rev elation and apprehension were as manifest to me, as if they had been saying " I " and " you. " Certainly, according to my theory of introductions, these two were getting introduced. " I have been in a bit of a metaphysical humor this morning," said General Rushleigh. " I think observations at sea are apt to become analytical. And I have been talking with Miss Eu- phrasia Kirkbright, who always takes directly hold of causes." "That is the lady with the gold-gray hair?" I asked, ea gerly. " Yes. She is with the Armstrongs. That is, she has joined them since she came on board. They are old friends, and have not met before for a long time. They are all going to London together. Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong are also very old friends of my own. I have not surely outstayed my half hour ? Here come Mrs. Regis and President L ." " Do you think it fair to talk in great, smooth, round periods at sea ? Where one can't hold on to anything, except by cor ners?" said Margaret, whimsically. "And don't you think it is uncivilized warfare to come down upon people where they can't get away ? It is as cruel as pigeon-shooting," and she shook herself a little in her mummy-roll. " Did you think I tied you up to come and pelt at you ? I will atone as well as I can, by defending you from a second per secutor," said the General, laughing. " Mrs. Regis, I beg your pardon, I will bring the chessboard in a moment. Doctor, will you come and look over ? I know you are an authority. We shall find seats, I think, under the awning on the other side." And he took the key from Margaret's hand, and disappeared down the companion-way. 5 66 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. " I like that man ! " " This Margaret Regis is a fine creature ! " Do you think they came and said that to me, either of them ? No, indeed, it is not likely ! It came to me and said itself. You need not wait for the very words in your ear, to be confided in, or to get your share. You are confided in all the time, if you are alive to it. It is by a far more tender and inward way that a bit of everybody's piece is given to you. This that people call " living alone in the world " would be a bitter separateness out of it, if it were not so. If it were not for the ," things ac complished" in the neighbor-lives that "are in the world." But dear me ! why do I begin to talk of things accom plished, only that every real instant is an accomplishment of itself, because these two have met in this wise with an instant's understanding ? Why was nothing accomplished in my sympathies and intui tions when I saw Harry Mackenzie bid Margaret good-bye the other morning on East Boston wharf? Yet sometimes there are only instants, to show what all life that waits, a soundless, unawakened thing, like an untouched, unstrung viol, or lies heavily like dead, unvoiced air might be! An hour later, our two names were said for us to each other, Euphrasia Kirkbright's and mine. When I heard " Miss Patience Strong " repeated after hers, it was with something like the thrill with which I heard in church, five-and-twenty years ago, Patience Strong " propounded " for the communion. That afternoon we went and found a beautiful new place to gether, away out behind the wheel-house, where nothing but the slight-seeming curve of the stern-rail was between us aud the stretch of radiant water that widened out between us and> the home-land. Emery Ann was in my reclining chair under the boat, taking a delicious after-dinner nap ; the very thing she needs, and that is quietly filling her with a reserve of strength ; and which she never would have taken at home, where there were dishes to be washed. How good it is that she is out of the way of dishes ! THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 67 And so out of the way, that I do not believe she ever even thinks of them. Miss Kirkbright and I sat quite still for minutes after we had spread our shawls and cushions and nestled down together. I do not know how she felt about it, but it did not seem to me that I cared to say any common kind of words to her. I felt as if something real were waiting, hovering ; and I would not speak for fear of losing its alighting. There is one thing you can never have seen, or dreamed, Rose ; for you have never been in a great ship in mid-ocean. You cannot guess what it is like, that radiant water that rolls its heaps together after you in the cool, pure masses of clear, beryl-green ! Away down, down, you see it, and far back ; as if the urgent- moving vessel, with its whirling screw, were an angel troubling the deep into strange life and glory. From the pearl-white, scattered particles just settling from the first foam-flash, to the grand, rich, gathered color where they bank themselves as it were on either hand in the aqua-marine splendor from which the jewel borrows name, it was a moving, shifting, voluminous effulgence, that told how the whole vast Sea is a jewel of God which He wears upon his finger, and which, from storm-darkness to the dazzle of white waves in the sun, in all changes of amber and rosy and emerald and azure and violet, spells out the hidden syllables of his mystical phrase of color, according to its instant pulsing, and the shining or shading of his Face of Light ! " What makes it so, I wonder ? " I said at last ; for it seemed as if I must ask something. " To know that," said Miss Euphrasia, in a sweet, quiet, thinking voice, " one must know what the light and the water are ; one must go back of mere mechanical reasons into the rep resentativeness." " Ah, yes ! " I said, remembering " Thoughts in my Garden," and the meanings of the birds, that came to me also, just the same, because they were. " I do not mean," she went on, " that we must look out an ar bitrary dictionary signification. People do try to interpret so ; 68 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. and perhaps they cannot go so far amiss as if they did not rec ognize or use the keys of things at all. But the sign octaves multiply and change their harmonies, as the octaves of music do. Just running up and down the scales is not entering even over the threshold, into the hidden chords and symphonies. The word is written in signs, but not in a secret cipher. It is put in the most direct of languages, the showing of things; which men have only feebly and incompletely organized into syllables. What does water give you a feeling of? That is the question." " It feels of many things, as it has many forms," I said. " Of life, of truth and the eternal refreshing ; of cleansing and satisfying, of surrounding, and inflowing, of answering and like ness, of pureness, of gladness ; of might, that is fluid-gentle and awful as great floods ; of everlastingness." "And the light, that pours down into the water with what ever moves and stirs it, that touches life and reveals it ; that makes truth glorious to sight ; that manifests the cleansing and the pureness ; that makes the surrounding shine, and take a color ; that interfuses the might with tender presence ; that saves eternalness from being a blank, and fills it with live joy and glory ; what can it be or signify, but the God-showing that quickens through all, and makes what we call truth the lan guage and recognition between us and the Lord ; the joy of his very thought, which becomes in us the joy of our under standing? " We' did not say any more for a little while ; one does not speak out things like these as one recites a printed page. Miss Kirkbright spoke slowly, as it came to her, by degrees, to speak ; and then, though we had scarcely approached what we had set in search of, we waited, and rested. And continually, before our eyes, the wonderful green light, born of the sun nnd flood, was rolling, playing, speaking ; yes, " chanting aloud," had we the ears to hear. " One little track, one motion breaking a line through the great Deep. It is like a human living." " And how beautiful," I said, " the things behind us grow, as the water parts away and drifts backward. How lovely and dear every particle, as we leave it ! " THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 69 " And how alive ! " " But only for such a little way," I answered, sadly. "Away back, it is all over ; all as if it had not been. It makes me afraid, almost, of the meanings." " Why ? Because we cannot look back all the way ? What is all the way ? Back as far as we seem to have moved in this infinite, as far as we can trace ourselves, it is all alight with the shine and stir ; it is full of presence, of now-being ; it takes in every particle the color of hope, of livingness, of lasting." " It does not stay. Thousands of ships have tracked over the same spaces ; and there is not any mark. And ours is vanish ing while we are talking about it." If I had been speaking with some one else, some one less than I, as Miss Kirkbright is greater, I should have insisted on the hope which I believe in ; I might have said, after my gift and way, just what she said ; but I wanted her, now, to say it to me. I put forward my own questions, and let my own an swers lie forgotten. I have felt so sharply, in these days of change and leaving behind, how my dear days are gone, and how the 'days that are to come, though they must live on from them, must be so different ! In new, strange places, even ; the breaking away from the very outward has begun ; who can tell what it will go on to ? " No," said Miss Kirkbright, in that still, sure tone of hers ; " it does not stay, the sign does not. The mere sign never stays ; in our lives, even. That, also, is where the likeness is, the meaning, that you are afraid of. It is only in the spirit ual world that we truly live, now; or are truly anything to each other. The heaven and earth of the outward pass away continually ; it is what they were made for; if they did not, we should be in prison. We only make one little sign at a time in the outward world, the sign of the present moment. That is nothing, in itself, let it be what it may, or between whomsoever ; a moment of greatest joy or greatest pain ; it is nothing except for the past which has been, and the future which shall be, and which are both forever alive, like these live waters. " What is our love and intercourse, as we grow older and the 70 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. circumstance of life changes, but a mutual reentering into what has been, to join it with the word and circumstance of now ; perhaps, also, to the word we wait and hope for. Our past is, in the spiritual, as much as our to-come. Blessed are the poor of now in the spirit which holds then and then ! Why should the gone-by be tangible, when the next moment cannot be ? It is a great deal more real because we cannot touch nor see, but can only hold it, hallow it, as we do the Name of the Invisible ! It is there, where our future is ; where we are, since we cannot rest in any instant ; and once, that sweet word which brings all to the blessed focus and point of promise, once, we shall find them together ! " We let the silence fall between us. I did not ask any more ; I could not then have taken any more. I sat happy in what she had given me, and thinking what I say to you, Rose ; that there is a very something of the Lord Himself about this Miss Euphrasia ; something that makes you feel as if you could bring your empty pitcher to her feet, like the Woman of Samaria, and say, Fill for me of this water ! Yes ; He still sends them out ; there are always, at least, the Seventy ! It was, I suppose, because I felt that I had received my sac rament, and could not instantly return, that I spoke of some thing different, presently ; the thing that first suggested. As we do, perhaps, when we turn away from the Altar. Only I think there is always a wonderful new humanness of sympathy in those next words, let them be what they may. General Rushleigh walked up near, then turned and walked away again, ship-fashion. I spoke of him. I asked a question people are very apt to ask. " General Rushleigh seems to me a fine kind of a man," I said, as we both glanced up, and back again. " Is he married, do you know ? " " No," she answered. " He was engaged once, it is very well known, to Faith Gartney; that is, Mrs. Armstrong. But the mystery of perfect choice was wanting, somehow, and Faith found it out in time." " One would not think it need have been so." THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 71 " No ; to see them now. But that was years ago. Both needed leading, then ; and the woman, from her woman's need, discerned it first. It was the natural order ; the man learned his, and found his answer, afterward. Paul Rushleigh says that life, dealing so strangely and suddenly with him, first confronted him with the living conviction that there was a Thought of Some One in his story, above his own. Some woman, now, may be waiting to be led by him. It was one of the divine hindrances ; it is one of the single rectified points in the human tangle that ought to be, all through, a blessed righteousness* And will be ! " " Miss Kirkbright ! " I said, ten minutes afterward, as we began to think of moving to rejoin our companions, "just one thing. Don't you think it possible, among all these parables, to make a wrong one ?" " Can you make a parable at all ? Can you even be misled with one, for I suppose that, rather, is what you may mean, looking at it leisurely, all through ? For a parable is a thing that must fit. We do not make, we find it. It is there. Christ did not say, ' Listen, I make a parable ; ' but 'Behold the parable of the fig-tree. Consider the lilies.' You may force and distort argument; you may turn reason into sophistry; but you cannot put into the creation types that which is not." When we went back to the chair under the boat, we found Emery Ann waked up, and General Rushleigh sitting beside her. He had found her making a little fettered struggle to rearrange her shawls which the wind had blown about, and to regain her book which had dropped from her lap and slidden away. Then he had discovered that she would like some lemon ade, and had sent for some, and remained at her side, talking with her. She was asking him questions about the war, and if he ever came across the Fortieth Maine, in which Penuel had been a lieutenant, and was wounded, heading a company, in the great fight before Petersburg, " when the mind was blowed up." He had listened to the whole story, in which she certainly lapsed, through the firing up of her old pride and patriotism, into an uncorrected diction, forgetting the monitorship she could 72 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. hold over the more obvious points of grammar and elocution " when she tried " and " before folks ; " but omitting nothing in the recital of Penuel's valor, which had been, after all, of the same genuine Down-East stamp as her honest speech ; telling how he had been hemmed in with a handful of men in that ter rible breach, and had shouted with his sword up over his head, " Now, boys ! We 've just got to cut our way out of this ! " so that the nearest rebels flinched for a second at the sight of his terrible pluck, and he and his handful were among the few who got back that day into the lines to tell what the fight had been. I think Emery Ann interested him ; for he need not have sat so long by her, even out of chivalry to a plain, middle-aged woman such as some men especially have. But then, after the first kindness, why should not anybody be interested in Emery Ann ? General Rushleigh has doubtless learned some values among plain New England soldiers in the face of deadly re alities, which he might never have learned in Boston parlors, or even manufacturing in Massachusetts. Emery Ann spoke out, after he left her. She could put in words, aod was pretty sure to, that which had been a silence with Margaret Regis. " General Rushleigh is a nice man," was her sententious ver dict. " He isn't one of the sort that acts as if out-doors had got to be made bigger for 'em." What was that I said about " things accomplished ? " Here was another ! What should I do if Emery Ann should set that " punkin " at him ? Do you think I troubled ? Some things occur to one, and others not, though the happenings and the showings be the same. I, too, you may perceive, think General Rushleigh is a nice man. It was the first thought I had about him. It is a comfortable thing that some women are forty-eight years old. I dare say you think I shall never get you across the water, at this rate. If you had been with me on board the Nova Zem- bla, I do not think you would have cared much if I never did. But you see, I am across at this moment's writing ; though my THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 73 story of over the way is likely to be like the light from the Btars, a long time reaching you from any given point. But what matter, if it keeps coming, and all comes ? " Simi larly," to myself. I shall go right straight on, as the real things carry or detain me. If I am a good while getting over, it will be because, as the blessed reckon, I lived long upon the sea. 1 may be a good while in some places here, where I stay only hours or days, but where I see and discern much ; and very briefly in others, where my body may rest or be hindered for weeks or months. These last will be the catching-up places. There are such in the years we live. Perhaps my story will keep on tell ing, after I get quite back out of it all into the home corner at Old Farm; as the light streams on after the star is set or burned out. Will you not like it better so ? I think we often give our friends our mere tediousness, writ ing letters where we happen to find the time, and not taking the trouble to go back far enough or close enough, into the parts where we found everything but time. I would rather follow my own trail at a patient and careful distance. I will give you only what really makes a mark ; what stays by myself, so that I keep it and remember it without note. There may be something like the difference between an auctioneer's inventory of a sale, and the things you really bid off and take home with you. Mrs. Regis, too, liked General Rushleigh. It seemed quite fit that they should talk, and walk, and play chess together. They were certainly the most elegant man and woman on board ; and she seemed to claim him on that patent suitability. I no tice that elegant women, no longer young, are often seemingly aware that nothing outwardly becomes them better than the attendance and friendship of a younger man, of clearly and ex ceptionally fine tone and presence. There is a mutual gauge and recognition across a technical disparity; a reciprocal dis- tiuguishment. It came to pass that the sheltered place under and about the boat grew to be considered our place ; our chairs were always put there. It was just aside from the promenaders, who might 74 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. brush against you anywhere under the awning that stretched across the middle deck. Mrs. Regis adopted it ; discerning with that nice tact and felicitous foregoing of hers, that second best could easily be made the best ; and liking, I think, a place of her own that was always tacitly acknowledged. The games of chess went on here, and Edith and Margaret watched them. Then the two girls roused to a great desire to try for themselves, and the captain lent them a chessboard, and the boat-corner, with its daily group, grew to be called the chess club. Miss Euphrasia, and the Armstrongs and I, drew away quietly sometimes to the place behind the wheel-house, where we sat upon our shawls, and watched the water, and had talks together. Especially at even-fall, when the sun dropped away behind us, and the sea and the sky were a floor and dome of palpitating, interchanging color-splendor. But I was speaking of the games of chess. The young girls grew ambitious. One day Edith said to Mrs. Regis, when a great match was just ended between her and the General, and he had beaten the " three games* of advan tage " which had been contested for through some five times three of wavering majority since they began : " Dear Mrs. Regis, could you be benevolent enough to change partners, you and General Rushleigh, and take us for a game or two, for our good ? It would only be sham-fight on your parts, I know ; but if it would n't be too stupid ? " " Quite otherwise, my dear," was the graciously ready reply. And it naturally fell out that she took Edith for her own an tagonist, and that General Rushleigh began a game with Mar garet. Perhaps it was just because his methods were scientific, and Margaret's were mere original inspiration, that she took him a little by surprise in the beginning of the game, and brought about what he declared, bending suddenly with fresh interest over the board, was a " quite novel position of things." " Not provided for in civilized warfare, perhaps," said Marga ret, laughing. " See what it is to fight with a red Indian ! " The glow of excitement and keen health upon her cheek, and the dark lustre of her brown eyes, and the vivid color of her THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 75 scarlet-lined hood that reflected itself warmly over all, made her a wonderfully pretty illustration, at the moment, of her own word. If I saw it, of course others did. The reverend presi dent, who had drawn near and was looking on, lifted his eye brows gently, and let his lips play significantly as he regarded her. General Rushleigh seemed intent upon his move. When he made it, it became Margaret's turn to grow grave, and give her whole mind to her response. It was not to be supposed that her little unsophisticated in novations would disturb much, or hold long against the tactics of her opponent. They seemed to give a dash of unexpectedness, and to bring about some unusual combinations ; but there was soon necessitated a brisk exchange of pieces, and the contest narrowed down, if a chess-player would call it narrowing, when the whole field is thrown so open that every possibility in its entire range comes to be taken into the account, to four or five pieces and as many pawns on either side. But here, somehow, Margaret's native quick perception came in play. She managed an excellent defense, and presently bore down in her turn with a pretty strong pressure upon General Rushleigh's king, advancing a pawn at the same time toward a fair possibility of queening. General Rushleigh paused. Margaret caught her breath and waited eagerly for what he would do. He had his finger on a castle, quite engrossed with the immediate threat and the need ful parry, when she suddenly exclaimed : " General Rushleigh ! Do you forget my other knight over there ? " There was but one effective move for the castle ; if he made it, the other knight might come down with a check, and a sec ond move would bring him into the very heart of the General's forces, threatening all round. " Why did you tell me? " he asked, looking up. " You might have had the game." ''I don't want it, until it belongs to me," she answered quietly. " Of course if you recollected you would move dif ferently." " It was my business to recollect." 76 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. But he checked with his bishop, and provided by the move against the knight's advance. The next move brought down his castle, and a few more plays broke up the little chance of queening, and left a free opening for one of the opposite pawns to push on. The game went against her. "You gave it back to me, Miss Margaret. I was on the point of a blind mistake. I consider it a drawn game." " I don't," she replied. " I did n't want you to make a blind mistake. The game could n't belong to me by hiding any thing." " Ladies are not often so ready to give notice of their ' other knights,' when they have a game to win," said the reverend president, jocosely. Margaret superbly ignored the remark, though I saw an eye lid quiver, and her cheek and lip burned a shade warmer. She said to General Rushleigh, with the same simple quietness as before : " The beauty of chess is, that it can't be underhand. You can't do anything slily or in a corner." " You certainly cannot," said the General, with a gentle, equal emphasis upon each word. " Shall we set the pieces again ? " . After that, I think no day passed without their playing. We were within two days of Queenstown. I sat with my portfolio and pencil, going on with this long sea-letter, some dozen pages back. Margaret Regis was beside me, writing also. Almost everybody meant to send some line back from Queenstown. Edith was scratching away, girl- fashion, a little duodecimo volume of note-paper to her mother. Margaret wrote rapidly for a while ; then she leaned her cheek upon her left hand, while her right turned the pencil loosely, listlessly, between the fingers. She looked off upon the hori zon, where a large ship to which we had dipped our flag half an hour before, was lessening as it sailed westward. Her quietness, after a few moments, interrupted me. I set up an elbow, too, and rested my chin on the closed hand that held my pencil. Then my quietness turned her round. THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 77 " Somebody told me once," she said, suddenly, " never to use great pieces when little ones would do. Don't you think people say that in a good many ways, so that the big pieces get hid den away, though there are plenty of them, and you worry over the insignificant ones, because you are expected to use them ? " I knew then that she was writing a letter of little pieces, while the larger ones lay all around her, that she longed, yet shrunk, to touch. " Yes," I replied. " Some people live a life of little pieces, because it is all that is expected of them. I 'm afraid I am of a very wasteful nature. I always cut right into the whole cloth if I can get a chance." "Older people may," said Margaret. "We younger ones don't dare." " What do you suppose we are set at patchwork for ? " she spoke again, without waiting for an answer. " When we might be making wedding garments ? " said I. I was sorry, in a second, that I had happened to say that. The first look of positive pain that I had ever seen there, passed over Margaret Regis's face. " I don't believe I shall ever make a wedding garment," she said, slowly, and almost as if she meant two things. I told you it was n't a novel, Rose ; that is all I know, and all I may ever know, about it. Of course I could n't press her for any confidence, or lead her on, even, in talk. And though I do feel things, and catch dim answers far off, I am not Miss Euphrasia, to have the word out of heaven ready, always. I may have missed something here, of help that could have been given. We all do miss so many things. Emery Ann says, " An opportunity is like a pin in the sweepings ; you catch sight of it just as it flies away from you and gets buried again." That night we sat up late on deck. We all gathered at the stern, upon and about the wheel-house. We had passed several vessels and steamers during the day ; had signaled, dipped flags, and since dark sent up rockets. It is so beautiful, finding human life and sympathies thickening about us, making happy signs and greetings, as we come up out of the lonely waste that we had seemed quite separate in, and approach the other side. To-morrow, they tell us, we shall see land. 78 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. As we sat there, close to each other, in pairs and groups, we fell to singing hymns. Edith began it with a little low warbling to herself, which when she let define itself into the notes of the lovely " Shining Shore," Mr. Armstrong joined the words to, in a rich, strong baritone. And when it came to the chorus, " For oh ! we stand on Jordan's strand, Our friends are passing over; And just before, the shining shore We may almost discover, " not a voice was withheld, not even mine, or Emery Ann's. Then we had, " I 'm a pilgrim," " Guide me, O thou great Jehovah," " He leadeth me," and last of all, Miss Euphra- sia began that dearest, deepest, tenderest, " Nearer, my God." I noticed Margaret Regis's voice all through the singing, as often as she joined, and I noticed her not joining. Sometimes she sang a stanza, and her tones were thrillingly sweet and powerful, then she dropped into silence just where the hymn was most beautiful, and when she came to that last one, she sat perfectly still. Miss Euphrasia said softly as it ended, " You did not help us, my dear." " Do you think everybody ought to sing words like those ? " was the low answer. " I have not come to them." Miss Euphrasia did not speak again at that moment, but I saw her hand steal quietly over upon Margaret's as it lay in her lap. Later, as a few of us still lingered, loth to leave that wonderful stillness between sea and stars, I heard her say, " I suppose no one can say " Even though a cross it be," until their own cross, and that which grows in the shadow of it, begin to shape themselves." " Perhaps until the shadow begins to fall behind," said Margaret. "The first threatening of things before you are quite sure of the shape of them " and there she stopped. " One must not mistake the way," said Miss Euphrasia. " We need not stand in our own light, with aimless arms flung out to right and left, restlessly, and make our own shadow before us. Against that we have the prayer, ' Make us to have a right judgment in all things, and keep us evermore in thy holy com fort.' " THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IX MANY PARAGRAPHS. 79 " We may have left that out or never known it till too late I suppose." Margaret added those two words in a changed tone, as if she passed, or chose to pass, from earnest and personal to general and commonplace. " Then there is another ; ' Forgive us our sins, negligenots, and ignorances, and deliver us from those evils that we most justly have deserved.' There is nothing that cannot be taken out of our lives, in God's way, any more than there is anything which cannot be given in. There must be pain, and waiting, perhaps ; for these the hymn." Margaret got up and gathered her shawl about her to go down. " Good-night, Miss Kirkbright, and thank you," she said, as she gave Miss Euphrasia her hand. " You have given me something to keep. I shall keep it." Miss Euphrasia leaned forward and kissed her. We met General Rushleigh at the companion way. I think he had been watching for us. He took all our wraps over his arms, and helped us down the two little steep stairways, and went with us to our state-room doors. I stood in the entry of the lower ladies' cabin while he went with Margaret first, and gave up her things to her, and then rejoined me with mine. We crossed through the little saloon to my side of the ship. " I leave you at Queenstown," he said. " I shall miss these days and evenings. We may meet in Switzerland, perhaps. May I look for you a little, if I find myself in the way ? Would you trust me with your banking address ? " " It will be ' Hoirs Sigismond Marcel, Lausanne,' for the sum mer. Later, when we go into Italy, we shall change it." " Thank you. Good-night. It will be pleasant to think I have the clew." And he left me feeling as if I had had the special part of the good-night, which my old maidenhood purchased for me, and which he had not felt quite free to give to Margaret Regis ; or perhaps even to her elegant and still fascinating step-mother. I believe, after all, it is better to be treated like a friend, than to fascinate. I was quite sure, though, it was not for me to keep ; neither was it for my gay, sweet, child Edith. She is taking her youth 80 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. as so few girls take it ; as if it were meant to be something in itself. She has always been so ; as school-girl, and girl just out from school, in that second lovely relation with her home ; with father and mother, with brothers and sister, and young friends ; with her old auntie, even ; with her books, her frolics, her music, her journeys, her daily sunshine. There is not much to tell of her ; she is not one to whom things are in a hurry to happen ; she just goes along, as the springtime does, which will be sum mer in good time, but you will hardly know just when ; and "t is simply a blessing to watch her as she goes. The gulls were so thick about the ship, all the next morning. Another wonderful, beautiful sign of the land we come to. The white, winged things drift out from the far horizon which seems to our eyes far and wide as ever, though we know the shore is there, and their rock-nests. They poise and hover, and sail back and forth with us, as we press our heavier way through the yet deep waters ; and they bend above the deck, with dropped wings, and eyes that look with a soft eagerness into our own. They are like thoughts sent forth to meet us, taking form as we come nearer, even as the Spirit itself once took form as a dove. Miss Euphrasia and I watched them as if they brought us news ; not of the coast whose headlands were so near, but of a farther. Not farther off, but more hidden within ; they were like apparitions shining out of the unsensed, where thought and waiting welcome intensified toward us until the very wings of their yearning flashed into light and hung above us. Somebody near, not going very deep, yet observing faintly a typing in it, said, " how sweet it was, their coming out to us so ! " And a voice replied, " They come for the scraps the stewards fling overboard." " Oh," cried the lady, " how you spoil the poetry ! " It grated at first, that commonplace explanation which grudged the sign ; but presently we did not think it spoiled the poetry. We also have something for them, why not ? Some thing they are eager for. They care for even the mere scraps we fling them of the life we scarcely think they have a share in. They want heart-crumbs from us ; they ask us to break THE LONG SEA-LETTER: IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 81 our bread with them. For that, as well as to telJ us that the land is near, they lean above us with their tender eyes. " Do you see the land ? " people asked each other gladly, re peatedly. One pointed it to another, urging, insisting. " Off there ; just that blue haze on the horizon. Surely you see ? " " It is like a cloud. I can hardly tell whether I see anything or not." " For all that it is the Irish headlands." " I never thought it would come like that," I said to Miss Euphrasia. " So fine, so misty, so purple. It is like a shadow, or a dream." They kept rising upon us like that, all day ; faint points and shapes, looming larger, bluer, surer, but always so soft, so spiritsome ! And the white birds wheeling, dipping, hovering, moving to and fro, continually. Why did nobody ever tell us what it was like ? I had sup posed I should see gray rocks, and then green land ; that we should come swiftly upon something defined and tangible, though at first indistinct with distance ; but that this indistinct ness would be so like the reaching and glimmering of an in ward vision, that it would wear, even as it grew quite close, such tender shapes and tints like twilight clouds, that we should come to it as we come dimly to dear things of faith, I had not ever set before my thought. When it was only a blue haze, they believed ; because eyes that knew had seen it ; and the whole ship-company was alive and eager for the land while it was still only a shadow. And we ate and slept, and drew nearer and nearer ; and be fore night-fall of the second day, we had seen the cliffs and the softer hills behind them, the trees and the moving cattle, and the growing grass ! It was all there, just as it was at home. Out of the ocean where seemed to be nothing, it had arisen, as they told us it would ; and up and down the lonely waves, in the middle of that unchanging circle of far skies, we had been steering straight toward it all the time. 6 82 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Not only that. We did not come upon it forwardly, as just to the end where something lay across ; we moved alongside it, hours and hours, by night and morning, toward our harbor ; right under the line of its soft, dim, outstretching strands ! I had laid up an expectation of comfort in the finding of towns, and forests, and Alps, and human living, over there, after we should be there ; but the comfort of the shining shore as we sailed upon it, and the way of its growing to our eyes out of the invisible, was a happy, wonderful parable that I did not know was, in all the parables of this beautiful earth. It was midnight when we came into the harbor of Queens- town. Such a number of passengers was to land there, that a great many remained on deck to watch the departure, and to say good-bye. Mrs. Regis walked up and down with General Rushleigh for quite a little while, talking. Margaret and Edith, and Mr. Armstrong, and Miss Kirkbright and I sat in the little corner behind the rail of the companion way, watching the tug as it steamed out and made a great sweep beyond us, and then came round, the last thing it had apparently aimed at doing, along that side of the ship. There was a bustle of making fast, and transferring mail-bags and luggage, and it was some time yet before the real final call came to the passengers for shore. It was very dark ; only the lights at our own mast-head and upon the tug, and here and there upon some harbor craft, glim mered out their signals. It was not a cheery landing, I thought ; I was glad we were to sail on to Liverpool. I had grown fond of the Nova Zembla ; I had no wish to leave her until I had seen her voyage through, and she came safe to her mooring in the Mersey. I do not know whether we shall have Ireland at all ; if we should, I felt I would rather take it by and by, and go the whole sea-way now, up the Channel, and into the great English port. I had no fancy for being dropped off by the way, like this, in the night. " Then we shall be sure to see you again in Switzerland," I heard Mrs. Regis say, as she and the General finally approached THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 83 us for his leave-taking. "We shall probably be somewhere about the upper end of the Geneva lake for several weeks." Mrs. Armstrong had come up for a few minutes. She rarely stopped late away from her little children. General Rushleigh shook hands with her and with her husband, then with Miss Kirkbright and the rest of us. " I have to thank you all for a most pleasant voyage," he said ; " and I am sorry that we are not to finish it together." " I think we are all sorry to say good-bye," answered Miss Kirkbright. Nobody said anything more. It was very much like all the other words of friendship and compliment that were passing around us. Perhaps the chief difference was that there was no reiteration. Mr. Armstrong went down with him to the boat, and then returned to us. Mrs. Regis stood by the rail, her white hand with its shining rings showing in the dim light as she rested and leaned upon it, looking down where General Rushleigh came and stood on the low deck of the tender. As the boat began to glide away, I saw a movement of her hand, a half-lifting, as if she were going to wave a farewell, and then a quiet relinquishment of it to its place again. Not the movement, but the checking of it, struck me. Why should she measure, or reconsider ? There was a great chorus of good-byes from a merry, frolick ing party near us, watching off somebody else. In the midst of it, I saw General Rushleigh lift his hat, and heard him say quite strongly and clearly, as he looked up, while the moving of the boat brought his face directly beneath our own faces, " Once more, good-bye ! " One answer waited for a breath's space, while the others were spoken together, and then it dropped slowly, like a separate, final echo. It was Margaret's, who sat quietly beside me. In the morning of that day, I thought of it again now, as those good-byes were said, we had been in the small upper saloon, enveloping and sealing our letters for this Queenstown mail. Margaret had sat beside me, directing hers, in the large, free, open hand I like so much. She laid them over, one by 84 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. one, as she finished, toward my side. Placing my own before me iu like manner, I could not help catching at each glance the successive addresses of hers. It seemed as if she almost man aged it that I should. There was one to her sister, Mrs. Van- derhuysen, one to another lady in New York, one to Flora Mackenzie, Boston, and, separate and last, she laid down one directed in full to "Mr. Harry Bernard Mackenzie, Holworthy Hall, Harvard College, Cambridge, Mass"'." She slid the lit tle pile together, leaving this freshly written one on the top. After a time, Mrs. Regis came in, to ask if we had letters ready. " I just met Captain K , and he has taken mine," she said. " I have nearly finished," I replied. Margaret said nothing. Mrs. Regis reached her hand toward Margaret's letters. " Oh, you have been writing to the Mackenzies," she re marked quite carelessly and pleasantly. " Of course," said Margaret, and then laid her own fingers upon her correspondence. " Never mind now," she said ; " I will bring them all when Miss Strong has finished." I was sure she wanted me to be a little longer, and so Ger trude got another little paragraph to her letter, and two or three acquaintances received by name some special messages of remembrance. I had already closed the thick packet for you, Rose, which gave you the first half of my long sea-yarn. General Rushleigh came in. There had been a promise of a final game of chess with Mar garet, and I suppose she knew he would soon come to claim it. Mrs. Regis still stood by us, when he asked, as she had done, if we had letters ready. " Miss Strong is just finishing," said Margaret ; " and then we have all these." Her finger-tip, just touching still the heap of white inclosures, must have quite led his eyes to the uppermost name. I en veloped and addressed my last one, and Margaret, with a little gesture of " allow me ? " gathered them all up, mine and hers, and gave them to General Rushleigh with the letter to Harry Mackenzie still upon the top. THE LONG SEA-LETTER : IN MANY PARAGRAPHS. 85 " I am going for my thick jacket," Margaret said, rising, as he went out. " I will come up on deck presently." Mrs. Regis and I were left alone, and she just remarked to me, "Margaret is very fond of the Mackenzies. They have been friends from children. But I wish she made less demon stration of the intimacy as regards Harry. Conclusions may be drawn which will not be justified." I knew she wished that they might not be, and I had felt she was annoyed at first seeing that letter so frankly, if not pur posely, left in sight. I wondered if she would take the trouble to say to General Rushleigh what she had said to me. I won dered whether, with her great tact and cleverness at doing what ever she much wished in small matters, she might not have managed, in spite of Margaret's intention, to get between her and him in that little passage of the mail from hand to hand. Somehow all this connected itself afterward with the manner of the midnight parting; with the half-lifting and dropping again of Mrs. Regis's white hand, and the tone of Margaret's good-bye. 86 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER VII. GATE-WAYS. .... AFTER the loneliness of the ocean, how crowded and full of sign were the sparkling lights of the shipping and the city, as we came slowly up the river to Liverpool, twenty-four hours later. Steaming up the Channel, we had been out of sight of land again. That had seemed strange, when we had once had the vision, and knew how near we were. England lying close upon the right, and Ireland on the left, and yet that round expanse and empty horizon, as it had been when we reckoned latitude and longitude in mid- Atlantic, fifteen hundred miles away ! " They 're only crumbs and crusts in the great, big porridge- bowl," said Emery Ann, without antecedent or connection. " What ? " asked Edie, wonderingly. " Islands, and continents." Emery Ann was still realizing her geography. The tide kept us below the bar. A custom-house officer came on board and took the ship in charge, but there was no examination of luggage, and no landing of passengers, except of a few individuals, by special management and favor. The prima donna went on shore, and took the four o'clock train to London ; so did two or three gentlemen who had urgent busi ness. . The rest of us waited until morning, breakfasted on board, and then our trunks were hoisted up from the hold, and tumbled up from the state-rooms, and we stood by, keys in hand, for the ceremony of having them " passed." It was not at all terrible. Tobacco, silver, books of English edition, were inquired for, our word taken, and our keys re turned to our pockets ; we made our first bargain with an Eng lish cabman, who at the outset named what we fancied rather GATE-WAYS. 87 too American a price, and we appealed to a policeman. It was settled for us, with a warning to the cabby to " look out ! " and we were then helped in with all civility, quite as if we had not refracted, and driven through the long, closed, quiet streets, for it was Sunday morning, with their many business signs of thoroughly English names, and their old, solid, smoky, Eng lish look, to the North Western Hotel. Here we were next door to London ; at the back gate, one might say ; the rail path ran right forth from our under story, never swerving till it ended at Euston Square, in the very heart of things. So here we stopped to breathe, and to shake off the ship-diz ziness. "We must stay over one day at least, to repack our sea- boxes, and send them down to the Cunard office to wait there till next year. We chose our rooms as if we had been going to live there always. The girls ran back and forth from one to the other, comparing and exulting over advantages, along wide passages that looked magnificent to us after our bumpings to and fro in the dark little defiles between the lower cabins of the Nova Zembla. " But don't begin to malign the dear old ship ! " I said, the minute they triumphed in words over the contrast. These girls were gay ; they were full of the first delight of beginning Europe. Margaret took up her brightness as if she had sent it forward to await her here; there was a determination to have the good time she had come for. She was only a girl, after all ; the deeper questions might as yet be put by a while. Youth asserted itself, as the present and immediate assert themselves with us all, let our problems be what they may. It is only in certain story-books, I think, and in the morbidly-concentred imaginations which they train, that life runs all on one thread, and if that breaks anywhere lets its pearls all drop apart and scatter hopelessly. We are not made so ; there is a divine complexity in us. I could plainly see one thing in Margaret Regis ; she would either suffer or enjoy with an almost fearful intensity when her time fully came. An instinct of this had kept, and might still 88 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. keep her, from accepting into her consciousness the possibility and conditions of the one or the other. She would shut her eyes and stay in the safety of the commonplace, even when she had already caught some clear, unwilling glimpse of an experi ence that should grasp her whole being if she yielded to it, and involve her in its grander, supremer pain or gladness. Something that she was half afraid of in her own nature had perhaps moved her to refuse beforehand a more searching and entire probation, and commit herself with a negative content. She stood in her life as among splendid, terrible wheels, whose force might evolve an unknown end of beauty, but whose springs she would not touch, nor let her garments sweep against their rims, lest they move to drag her into their relentless whirl and crush her. "We said good-bye to Miss Euphrasia and the Armstrongs on Monday morning. Miss Euphrasia was going to Manchester, on her way to London. She has a niece living near the former city, married to an English manufacturer, Mr. Robert Truesdaile. Mr. Truesdaile belongs to a good old family of gentry, though being the younger son of a younger son, who went to America before Robert was born, a rich maternal uncle has brought him here and adopted him into business, to make of him, like himself, a representative of that fine middle class of Englishmen, whose grandest types are in the grandest sense both born and made. It seems that his other uncle, the present " Squire " Truesdaile, married, as Miss Euphrasia told me, " a far-away Scottish cousin " of her own ; so that there is a double connection. The Robert Truesdailes and herself were to go on at once to gether, for a prearranged visit. Mr. Truesdaile, the Squire, is also a clergyman, and has two parishes, and two curates ; one at the family place in the country, to which they are going down in the autumn, and the other in London, where, I infer from Miss Kirkbright, he is very busy among the poor. She gave us his address, and bade us let her know of our arrival. The Armstrongs had decided to go directly up, and we all hoped to meet again at the great focus, before we centrifugated off again upon our diverse tracks. GATE-WAYS. 89 On the Monday afternoon, some other people from the ship who were at the hotel, were wishing to make a party to Ches ter. Mrs. Regis and Margaret were going, and Edith came to tell me of the plan. She was full of curiosity and pleasure, longing for her first impression of an old-world city, which everybody on the threshold of Europe goes to Chester for. Somehow, for that very reason, and because I was so tired with the strange fatigue, after the laziness of the voyage, which comes over one upon landing, I did not incline very instantly to go. " You can do quite as you please, you know, auntie ; for I can go nicely with Mrs. Regis." " Should you care, Emery Ann ? " I asked. " "Would you like to see the old walls, and the deep streets cut out of the rock by the Romans ? " " Well, I ain't very curious," said Emery Ann. " I don't believe I 'm ready for Romans. I have n't got used to the Eng lish, yet." She sat by the great square window of our larger room, look ing out upon the front of Prince Albert Hall with its long ter races of steps and its grand facade, and the equestrian statues of the Queen and the Consort in bronze, before the gates. " I 'm watching those little ragged children chasing up and down, and dodging the policemen." " I think I 'm very much of the same mind with Emery Ann," I answered Edith, laughing. " I want to see what comes along, for a while, and get used to the feeling of England." So we settled it, and she ran away to Margaret, and her first sight-seeing. Emery Ann and I looked out at the ragged children, and the policemen in their stiff uniforms and stiffer importance, dispers ing continually, one swarm, while another, or the same, re formed, gathered at their heels. The splendid stone flights and platforms were only a playground for a grand game of "Old Man of the Castle," for which the cockaded and silver-badged officials served involuntarily and unconsciously as so many " Its" " They might as well try to parade the flies out, " said Emery 90 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Ann. " And flies do get the freedom of most everything, though they war n't thought of in the making." Then we spoke of the simple bronze statues ; the slight, girl ish figure of the Queen in her youth, with the long, plain riding- dress, and her husband in his uniform, looking so quiet and un- imposing in the midst of the 'great space and before the lofty pile of architecture, yet august to the feeling, as representa tives of the personal Majesty of the Realm. " Just that little woman at the top of it all," said Emery Ann. " You can't seem to see it, can you ? But then you never can, in folks. It's the things that look mighty. And the crowds that stand round and call 'em mighty. If it was n't for all Eng land, the Queen would n't be anything." Which philosophy of relativity was as really Emery Ann's, as if nobody had ever discovered anything like it before. Another of the world's questions occurred to her presently, under the same freshness of disguise. " If a woman can be a Queen, why can't she be a Presi dent ? " she said, problematically. " There is a difference," I suggested. " She must be born to be a Queen ; but she must scramble to be a President : at least, until things are quite otherwise regulated than now." " It would n't be a bad plan to have them born ; if you could make 'em up to suit yourselves, as the bees do, "said Emery Ann, solutatively. " A real Queen- Woman, with the horse before the cart, you see, might be a first-rate idea over a congress. A kind of a national conscience, to clarify things ; that they seem to have most lost among 'em, some way, if they ever had it. But then, I suppose you could n't tell. A good one might run to crotchets or quavers, for that matter ; and a bad one there ! they '11 have to work it out ; I can't ! " UP BY EXPRESS. 91 CHAPTER VIII. UP BY EXPRESS. .... WE stayed in Liverpool three days longer. Mrs. Regis had more to do than we, and we waited her convenience. We all bought new English waterproofs, and a few other things that we had left for foreign purchase. Edith and I indulged our selves with some delightful traveling baskets. But we reserved our more thorough shopping for London and Paris. You know that, in a general way, I hate shops. Christmas gifts, and choosing surprises for other people are the only things that ever put any poetry into it ; so you will not hear very much about it from me. I will tell you right here, however, one conclusion I have arrived at, in case you ever come abroad yourself, and need to know. Don't listen to people who tell you to put off buying essentials until you get here. You will wish you had paid the difference three times over, and got it off your mind, to say nothing of the flies and fiacres you will pay for to fly round in. I had not very much to do myself; for someway, I can always cut down my list and go without things when I get discouraged; but Edie had a long memorandum to check off which her mother had made for her, under this traditional impression that it is a duty to start as ill, provided as you know how to be, and to get quantities of all sorts over here. I am sure we have both been homesick for the old " stores " right around Winter and Summer streets, where we knew just what counters to go to, and what salesmen to ask, and exactly what he ought to " ask " us. The delusions that shillings and sixpences lead you into, as you first hear the prices of things in Liverpool and London ! Not to speak of the pound as a unit, instead of the blessed, little, mod est, yet warily-multiplying dollar ! I can see, now, how our 92 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. currency came of the careful foresight of a prudent young people with its fortune to make. You need to be in Europe a year to be able to begin to buy judiciously. My advice to any one coming is, bring every thing needful and comfortable : nothing superfluous, everything plain. Replenish as you wear out, and when you are just going home, get what you want for next year, and, best and pret tiest buying of all, your little gifts for friends. On the Thursday morning, we walked down-stairs and took our seats in the express train for London. How nice we thought the English first class carriage ! We do not mean to travel first class when we can do otherwise ; but we had our Cunard tickets through to Paris, and we could take our enforced luxury with acquiescent minds. We had a compartment to ourselves, and as we sat opposite to each other in our deep-cushioned corners, the large windows giving us clear, broad views on either hand, we looked at each other and out at the new country, of which a whole day's pan orama was to unroll itself for our enjoying, with the beatitude of children in the best places at the show. The porter told us, with a touch of his hat, which meant half a crown, that our luggage was in the forward van. What se cured it to us on our arrival in London, we could not conceive, for they give you no checks, they only tell you it is all right, and when you get there you find it is. There must be some system, and some check unseen, but what and how, remains a beautiful mystery, like the mystery of imponderable force. How we gazed as we flew along ! And what a newness we saw in everything ! A newness of oldness ; there was nothing raw-edged ; nothing unmellowed; nothing unadjusted, unutil- .zod. There did not seem to be any dust, any scraps even, any where. All was finished and cleared up. England, it appeared, had nothing to do, now, through the centuries, but to live along in her dwelling that she has builded. The very brick walls, and the backs of the old suburban houses, were in charming tints of crimson and black and gray and umber and tawny, as UP BY EXPRESS. 93 time and the island atmosphere had colored them; there was not a crude, new-baked red among them all. Over these rich, mingling blending shades ran the climbing, spreading, live glory of dark green ivy. " Just think," Emery Ann said, " English ivy ; that we tend in pots so ! " " To be sure," said Edith, laughing, " for here we are ! " " I know," said Emery Ann. "But I was kind of thinking from over our way." As the day grew on, we ran up into the lovely midland counties. Away from towns, the rail stretched through quiet meadows, skirted beautiful woods, touched the edges and lay along under the walls of fine old manor places and parks, where in some stately distance we could catch sight now and then of chimneys and gables that told of the home mansions, such as we have read of in bewitching English stories. Now and again, the girls gave a little shout, as real old castle towers revealed themselves against a wooded hillside, or upon the blue of the sky. Still everything so perfect, so arranged ; not a rough stone, or a stray sod, it seemed, anywhere ; the tiniest cottages, so tidy, so " redd up," as the Irish say. Everything mellowed and smoothed and toned ; no rawness, or straggledness. I knew we were traversing the heart and "garden of England, the garden country of Europe ; I knew that there are places where misery and squalidness reveal themselves ; but I felt as Edith said, " I 'd as lief be poor as rich, here ; the money is all spent for you, and the perfectness put everywhere." It seemed as if the haymakers in the field were like dwellers in a palace. I thought as the swift train rushed smoothly onward, This is what it has come to in a dozen centuries or so, of mere human outside improvement, broken, as all human growth is broken, by tumults and oppressions, resistances and crimes and mistakes. What will it be in the Kingdom, when the Son shall come to his own again, and we shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever ? This, in the material, is what human living tends to ; how surely then may we trust the Divine to complete itself? " Fear not, little flock ;" it is your Father's good pleas ure to give you all his glory ! 94 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. The great Euston Square Station seemed big enough, and tumultuous enough, to be London itself. Carriages drove in under its arcades ; the echoes of wheels and voices and the noise of unlading rung about us in the vast roofed space like the din of a battle ; to look for any one in the thronging groups, or groups of throngs, might be like searching with a telescope along the Milky Way. With great presence of mind we remem bered what the Liverpool porter had told us about the van, and we made straight for the point where we might expect to regain sight of our luggage. This was what concerned us ; the rest took care of itself. The clew to all snarls, and the escape from all confusions, is the same ; the reminder and application come with every glimpse we get of a bigger piece of the world and its ways than usual. In ten minutes we had made our bargain with a civil cabman and his colleague, and in and upon the two vehicles ourselves and our impedimenta were bestowed, and we were rattling away from the already thinning pavements and platforms, and out of the subsiding roar, down George Street and along the Eastern Road. Miss Kirkbright had given us some nice references for London lodgings, and we had telegraphed from Liverpool and secured rooms at Mrs. Blissett's, out tbward Kensington ; so we had quite a bit of a West End drive to get there. How pleased we were with the names of streets and squares, roads and crescents, familiar to our novel-reading ! Marylebone and Hampstead, and Tottenham Court Roads, Park Crescent and Portland Place, Upper Baker, and Upper George, and Upper York streets, Berkeley Street, and Portman Square, and Oxford Street ; at last into great gates, and along green, shaded avenues, across a corner of Hyde Park itself! It was just after the fashionable hour of driving ; cabs are allowed a certain license then ; and we caught sight of drifting fragments of aristocratic splendor as one gets scraps of sunset in .ate, marginal clouds. Or, as Edith said, as you get in among the asteroids in the edge of the November drift. Equestrians, especially, were returning from the Row, and gentlemen in private cabriolets were driving by, with little breeched and UP BY EXPRESS. 95 beavered and cockaded tigers, their small arms folded tightly across their chests to hold in their big importance. Something began to puzzle me presently. Nobody really stared ; but I was conscious that we were glanced at. Eyes scanned swiftly the windows of our humble conveyances, and were lifted to the laden roofs. I could not suppose that simple travelers and their luggage were of noticeable interest to these great world people, even when pretty American faces beamed from within a railway cab, and the unmistakable " Boston, U. S. A." was ticketed atop. I wondered if we were staring conspicuously ; at last, when a gentleman, whose wheels passed our own very closely, really leaned involuntarily forward for an instant, and drew quickly back as he met my eyes, I felt annoyed, and admonished Edith to sit farther out of sight. But we forgot it all as we caught sight of the sumptuously delicate Albert Memorial, lifting its white pinnacles and sculpt ures out of green shadows against blue sky ; and passed out at the QueeVs Gate into Kensington Road, in face of the grander structure of the new, magnificent Albert Hall. Ah, me ! A queen can raise a poem of marble and gold, and build a hall to fill with glorious music, in memory of her beloved; but she cannot go away into the hush she craves, and sit in the sweet twilight of her own remembrance, and keep the quiet widow's garments on, and let the years grow holier as they run toward the end of her waiting, as other widowed women may ! Yet one thrills to think that though it demand impatiently its Sov ereign, and her robes and pomp again, her people never can for get, and these monuments stand forth to say so, how she has been a very woman with a woman's heart among them, and how the grief that falls on common homes has anointed her in her palace also, to make her more sacredly their own than any coronation oil ! 96 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER IX. SHOPS, OR SHRINES ? .... WE five had two whole floors at Mrs. Blissett's. Our parlor looked out with three windows upon a shaded crescent ; at the back were wide gardens such as we had never dreamed to find in London. There was a table ready when we arrived, with tea and bis cuit, and cold chicken ; and a dish full of such wonderful straw berries as we had never seen before except in Horticultural Shows, or in two round rings on the tops of fancy-price boxes. We had to cut them up to eat them. Emery Ann said it was the way with all the rest of it ; we should find we could n't take anything at a mouthful. We went to sleep, in broad, delightful English beds, thinking of a great feast spread out all around us, and that to-morrow we should begin to cut up London. Not that we should cut it up at all small, this time, or even get a really fair taste of it ; we were in a hurry for Switzerland before the season should be too far gone. We only meant to stop in London long enough to buy basket trunks and some other indispensable things, get a little rested, and see Westmin ster Abbey, for fear we should not live to come back. Since we had known Miss Euphrasia Kirkbright, I had felt much the same about seeing all we could of her. Should it be the Abbey, or the Edgeware Road ? Should we get our errands done, and then go with clear brains and con sciences, and serene imaginations into that dim, silent Heart of the old Past, which it was so strange to think we could step into, right off the busy, crowding, whirling streets, right out of a modern cab into doors through which kings, for long ages SHOPS, OR SHRINES? 97 witless of our age's cheap multiplied facilities, entered to be crowned, and were borne to be buried ? We wondered if it would seem solemnly separate to us, as it had used to seem to our thought, now that we knew how easy it is for any and everybody to trip across the Atlantic and run in ? The questions came up at the breakfast-table, where we were also reminded that the Exhibition of the Royal Academy was open, and that one of our days must be given to that. " Could n't we do both to-day ? " asked Mrs. Regis. " "Westminster Abbey and anything else ! " I exclaimed, in voluntarily. Mrs. Regis smiled. " Is that the way you expect to economize a year in Eu rope ? " she asked. " I think you '11 find you '11 need the ' cycle of Cathay.' " "And I think it would be a better thing," I said; "if we must make mince-meat of Europe to get it all into one little indigesti ble pie. I am going to try to enjoy each separate doing, as if it were the one single thing I had come for. I would rather wait a week between, than put two together that don't belong, or that rub each other out." Was it very rude of me ? I don't think I made it sound so. We decided upon Westminster Abbey. The girls got out the map of London, and chose the way we would take. " You won't mind driving by Buckingham Palace the same day, will you, auntie ? " said Edith, saucily. " We can't help driving by things," I answered. " Then we '11 go by as many as we can," she returned, and I only stipulated that she should not take us round by Greenwich Hospital and the Crystal Palace. We drove over Constitution Hill, between Green Park and the Palace Gardens, and down into the Mall, and around Saint James's Park ; and we thought we had seen residences more de lightful than the Queen's town-house looked to be, and were partly disappointed, I suppose, because we could not detect the subtle difference between the stone and mortar that shelters royalty, and that put together for other and freer dwellers ; also, 7 98 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. I think I was conscious of a feeling too absurd to define, that she never sat with her work at the windows, or stepped care lessly in and out of the doors before the breakfast-bell rang ; and if not, how queer it must be, and what were windows and doors in a palace made for? The low, long ranges of the buildings at Whitehall, the arched entrance of the Horse Guards, with the two immovable beasts and striders, on sentinel duty ; then the showy and glit tering architecture of the new Houses of Parliament ; and then turning aside from these last, the dark-browed, solemn Abbey this was the way we came to it. I cannot take you in, Rose, if I try to. I could not take my self in ! I was there, and I was not there ; just as we are in the midst of Almightiness, and we know it, and yet know it not. Arches beyond arches, opening through and through, crossing and interlacing above ; crowding chapels and shrines ; pillars and galleries exquisite in far distance with groinings and fret work; old, worn, massive thresholds, and door-posts, and lin tels ; pavements uneven, yet smooth, with the tread of centuries; hushed chambers and crypts, where still, strange effigies lay ; long, aisled chapels, rich with carving, and marble, and stained glass, hung with old banners, and silent like the buried years ; names of kings, and queens, and heroes ; weird symbolic de vices, Edith stopped aghast before one of a husband leaning over his dying wife, while from the door of a sepulchre beneath, the skeleton Death starts forth and aims his javelin upward, inscriptions of love and honor, adornments of gold and brass, engraven and sculptured escutcheons, trophies and relics of arms, a world like this, lying shut away within the noise and stir of the every-day world of the living, the memory of a na tion hidden in a heart-stillness behind its present, as every separate human memory is hidden ; it was in this we strayed and lost ourselves, and wondered, and came surprised upon things we had not known how to look for, and missed the things we thought we did ; and it is in this gray mist of a grand, be wildered vision, that I grasp at shapes and parts to try and tell of them again to you. SHOPS, OR SHRINES ! 99 We climbed the narrow, twisting stairway to the Chapel of Edward the Confessor ; we stood before the quaint, grim Coro nation Chairs, one of which incloses the Stone of Scone ; we looked up above them to the sword and shield of Edward Third, the sword seven feet long; we saw the legend on the screen, of Saint John, and the king, and the ring, and the pil grims, and I thought of the circle that all acts run round in, and so of the way a ring comes to be a faith and service token, since every doing is an unconscious pledge, of which the sign conies back and is redeemed at last. And we remembered that the royal dust that lay hidden about us in the antique chamber, was the dust of five, and six, and eight centuries ago, and that we, standing there, had brought in, on feet and garments, the dust of eighteen hundred and seventy-three. It gives one's breath a gasp, and one's brain a whirl, to put the two together, and to fetch one's self back to the consciousness of which world of the two one really belongs in. We went into the magnificent chapel of Henry Seventh, through the wrought brass gates. The marvelous carvings of stalls and wainscots and canopies, the overhanging banners, the walls with statues of saints and martyrs, the high, intricate groin- ings overhead dropping to long, slender points like stalactites, the dim, rich light through painted glass, oh, Rose ! I am falling into what I said I would not, a sightseer's recapitula tion. Yet what can one do but capitulate, and recapitulate ? It came over me here, on this first threshold of wonders, what I have thought and known beforehand, how impossible it is to really see it all, in the sense of grasping and taking in. It has to be done in strata, as the geologists take the rich old story of the earth ; you can no more enter into the detail, ami. appropriate the separate meaning and impression, than you can unravel the primeval periods, and make the swarming life that was lived in them individual and distinct to your imagination. And after all, that is why we are kept graciously, for the most part, in our own place, and have not been given wings. And it is by being kept so, for long times together, that men have made a history upon the earth. Fpr if the corals had been swift- moving things trying all ocean depths and places, and getting 100 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. their living far and wide, it is easy to see that reefs and islands would not have been built up. This is a drifting and a flitting age ; but much will have to settle down again, even if it should be by the dropping out of some of our knowledges. The Lord will not let his work stand still or snarl up, by his separate weavers leaving their little threads and spindles, or dragging them heedlessly about, as they run hither and thither, just to see what the whole, as far as it has gone, looks like. I will tell you just three little things, and then leave off. We found the North Aisle, and the tomb of Elizabeth and Mary. While I stood looking at the splendid monument of the queen sisters, Emery Ann went down to the far end, where is the altar above the remains of the murdered princes, Edward Fifth and the Duke of York. I thought it was that she was gone to see ; but it seems she knew nothing about it, and I found her standing over the little effigy of a baby princess, ly ing in a cradle, with the record of its three days' life upon the stone. " They lost their little babies, out of their cradles, just as common folks do now ! " she said, tenderly. " It seems realer than all the crowns, a hundred times ! " Afterward, we crossed to the South Aisle, and went in where Mary Queen of Scots lies sculptured in white marble, turned to a pale amber with age, beneath the softly stealing light of two high windows. I sat down on a bench, opposite the light, which shone faintly through the chiseled features. Two little street-children, as they seemed, had wandered in, and came and stood there, close between me and the tomb, and gazed up at the marble lady. " My ! ain't she pretty ? " said one, with hands folded before her, and her voice hushed down. " Yes," said the other, shaking his head slowly and wisely. " But she 's been dead a long time ! " Last of all, we got into the Poet's Corner. Somehow, it looked more open arid plain, less sweetly secluded, less of a nook, than J had imagined it. As we all stood on the broad pavement, glancing around for the names SHOPS, OR SHRINES? 101 that make it beautiful and separate, Edith said, in her quiet way : " Poet's Corner is n't just what I thought it would be, auntie. Is it to you ? " And Emery Ann, who knows so precious little about poetry, as a name, that she does not recognize that which she makes in her own homely speech, said briskly : " I suppose it is n't the Corner, after all. It 's the poets." "Was n't that nice ? When we reached home, we found two cards and a note upon our table. The names were " Miss Kirkbright," and " Lady Christian Truesdaile." The note was to me from Miss Euphrasia. " I write," she said, " in case, as is so likely, that we should not find you. We wish to see you very much ; and my cousin, Lady Christian, begs you will, if possible, arrange to drive out here to-morrow, for afternoon tea. The place is not quite easy to find, so I shall come in for you at four o'clock, if I do not hear otherwise from you in the morning. We hope to see you all : Mrs. and Miss Regis, Miss Tudor, and Edith, who I hope will let me call her so ; and that this will be only a beginning of our being much together. You will only need one fly, for coming or returning, as Mr. Robert Truesdaile has a dinner engagement in town, and the carriage will be sent in for him at ten o'clock. Our own dinner or rather supper, for we have Scotch names and fashions for many things will be quite quiet and plain ; we mean to make less guests than friends of you. With love, EUPHKASIA KIRKBRIGHT." Was n't this lovely ? And how had she known that we had come? And so, the " far-away Scottish cousin " was a ladyship ! I will just mention here, for we goon ceased to think of it as of consequence, when we came to know the woman, that she was Lady Christian Shawe, Lord Bervie's daughter. How many American women, I wonder, would have talked to us of her friends as Miss Euphrasia had done, and never once let the title slip into the mention ? 102 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Mrs. Regis had made another engagement for herself and Margaret. I think Margaret was sorry ; but I am pretty sure that Mrs. Regis would have been just a little unwilling to sail too readily into intimacy with a Lady Christian, under convoy of me, Patience Strong. She had not drawn much to Miss Euphrasia on board ship ; and perhaps it was quite becoming of her not to be too eager now. IN LADY CHPISTIAN'S GARDEN. 103 CHAPTER X. IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. .... WE used the first half of the broken day to do our errands in the Pklgeware Road. We went in by the under ground railway, found an omnibus at the corner where we were told, and were set down at the trunk-dealer's, where Edith and I bought each one of those large, light, elastic, canvas-covered basket-trunks that we coveted, to replace the heavy, iron- banded, zinc-bottomed, batten-roofed American boxes, whose very strength is their fragility in the remorseless hands of American baggage-heavers. We walked about a little, not too long, for we were on our guard not to put our whole day's strength into our forenoon, before we took the return-omnibus to the station corner, and were steamed through the great Metropolitan Burrow around again to our Kensington lodgings. The shops and the people amused and interested us. The " getting used to being in Eng land " was enough in itself to fall back upon in the intervals of more definite purpose. We came upon some little street-children again, who gave us the point of the morning's sensation in a specimen of English street-grammar. They were playing about, a group of them, bareheaded, un tidy, and happy, when a rather fiercely busy-looking woman, equally untidy, and far less happy, put her head out at a door way and screamed a summons to the " young 'uns." It was a crowded thoroughfare, and there were other young ones. Those near us, whom we imagined were addressed, and among whom perhaps the woman took it for granted her own strays were, paid no heed. One of them, in a hunt-the-squirrel 104 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. chase among the quieter pedestrians after a companion, tumbled up, or all around, against poor Emery Ann, who extricated her self with many collisions and dodges, and then remarked admon- ishingly, " Your mother 's calling you.' A bold, saucy, merry little face, the eyes shining out between wild elf-locks, turned itself up at hers, and a voice which was the translation of the look into tone, uttered triumphantly this remarkable distich : " Her ain't a call in' we ! Us don't belong to she ! " Which has taken its place 'with us, ever since, among Fa miliar Quotations, and become a typical aphorism. We found letters from home when we came back to lunch ; letters, that not giving their experience across the ocean as we have done, were only the record of a few days after our depart ure ; as many as we had now spent in England. How odd it seemed that there was so little to tell! And how dear and delightful that the little had come ! I should have supposed that you could not have asked me a question, Rose, about voyage or anything, that the many pages I have dispatched would not be bearing an answer to ; and I laughed so to find the two things demanded which I had not thought to tell of, and which seemed so far back, now, to rec ollect, " whether we did put half our wardrobe through the port-holes," and " what became of the popped corn ! " My dear, if the port-holes were what we gave the name to, the little round windows in our state-rooms, they were hardly ever left open, all the way ; and the popped-corn bag was popped under the berth in a corner, that first miserable night, and never thought of or discovered until, crushed with tumbling among other movables, and shrunken with sea-damp, it puzzled us to remember and identify it when we dragged it forth in the general investigation the day before we landed. The steward carried it off and I suppose the sea-mews and the fishes got it ; but I have conscientious doubts whether it agreed with them ; and I hope the bundle of cast-off garments that we left tidily pinned together and begged Mrs. Pride to dispose of, may have lone some brief and better service. I have lost faith in private sea-stores, and in the handiness of port-holes. IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. 105 Edith and Emery Ann and I drove out with Miss Kirkbright in the Truesdaile carriage. We passed high-walled parks and gates with names of noble houses on them ; we read also hundreds of little fanciful titles of suburban villas and cottages and terraces ; we saw everywhere that lovely adornment of flowers, in windows and balconies, that bubbling up of green ery over garden walls, which redeems and transfigures smoky London ; which was not half so Smoky as we had fancied it, and that smiled upon us everywhere, these bright July days, with a generous surprise. We turned down by the river along a shaded mall, and crossed a bridge, under whose arches boats and little steamers were shooting gayly up and down, and we came out into quite rural spaces. We still kept on by the river side, with gardens and houses all along our left, and streets leading away into more thickly-builded precincts. At last, before an iron gate that opened upon a path between sweet bits of hedge and patches of blossom, at whose end a flight of broad stone steps ran up to a pleasant veranda, look ing down, as you turned, upon the river, and a boat-mooring, and a water-gate beneath old trees, we stopped at " The Shaws," named partly for patronymic, and partly for winsome meaning of the old Saxon that stands for " shade." The doors stood open through the hall. The rooms to right and left were breezy and bright with the western sunshine, gently shaded by the nodding boughs ; trees and vines showed soft, flickering motion and cool color across the wide garden egress at the back ; and Lady Christian herself came forward from the foot of the staircase to welcome us and lead us in. She took us into a long drawing-room cosy with books, pict ures, music, low sofas, and foot-rugs upon the dark, inlaid ^oor, curtains pushed back to their utmost from a great bay window that looked down into a garden full of vines and ever greens and tenderer summer foliage whose groupings made seemingly endless avenues and glades, and hid away the real confines utterly ; from among which, now, came up the voices of children and the laugh of young girls. " They are all busy down there," said Lady Christian. " We 106 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. are getting ready for a little fete. Perhaps you may like what we will tell you of it well enough to come again and make part. Meanwhile, would you keep your hats on, and come out ? We will have tea there, if you fancy." Do you want to know what she is like, to look at, this Lady Christian ? She is a little, slight lady, with soft, quick movements, and a way of vanishing quietly like a spirit, and appearing noiselessly somewhere else where she is just wanted ; never needing a place made for her, but gently gliding into one that waits ; she has bright brown hair which she pushes carelessly from a fair, low, even forehead, and gathers up behind in a loose, graceful knot ; and she wears upon it, almost always, not a cap, nor a veil, but some white, light thing that looks just flung on, now of lace, now of wool, delicate and film-like, as she flits between house and garden, and needs less or more of dainty covering. It is never arranged ; sometimes the ends are just caught together under her chin, sometimes, with a gold or coral pin thrust through at the back, it lies about her face and throat making its own delicate folds and shadows, changing with each gentle stir and pose. But you do not see the whole of Lady Christian, as you may of some, by just her height and face and mould and color, and by the garments she puts on outside of these ; subtilely as these reveal the inward creature, according to the law by which God surely gives to each seed its own body. You want to see the raiment of her life about her ; the way she has made the body and vesture of her home ; the sweet attitude in which she stands with husband, children, friends ; the moral and spiritual group ing ; and all in the light from that eastward quarter in Eden, which is the shining of God's face upon his heaven. The heaven that has no other boundary, but lies here and there in hearts and households and societies, wherever the Kingdom has begun to come among the worlds. As one color shows upon the map, in scattered fragments, the territory and dependence of a cen tral realm. I do not suppose I shall ever see or know her any more in this world, or that she will have anything directly to do with IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. 107 what you have begun to be interested in with me, of life and story that this year may link together ; but she is in it, there fore she has to do ; and I think there will be a certain finer line upon all things and places, and a certain truer perception in our selves, than we should have had but for this beginning of show ings. I think it may be something like the beautiful and gra cious " beginning of miracles " in Cana of Galilee. We found the young people in the middle of a rehearsal of a little domestic play which Lady Christian and they had ar ranged, and which was to be a chief part of the coming fete. So we did not interrupt them ; only Hope, the eldest girl, came down and greeted us while a scene went on in which she was not needed ; and we went and established ourselves just out of ear-shot, in a farther glade of the deep old garden. Here we found chairs and rugs and a little rustic tea-table ; and here, after a little while, Mr. Truesdaile, with Mr. and Mrs. Arm strong, came and found us. There is this certain truth in spiritism ; that a " seance " is something, arranged consciously or not, into which inevitably flow the life and manifestation that belong to it. There are per sons whom I never saw but twice three four times, yet who touched so surely every time, the self-same chords in me, that no different tone of intercourse would have been possible than that which came, almost like a Holy Communion ; and there are others again with whom I am afraid I should be little, and earthly, be kept, and help keep them so, though we were thrust in each other's way I will not say we met every day of our lives. In Lady Christian's garden, that fragrant afternoon, there was a circle, and the spirits came. It had begun in Mr. Truesdaile's library, where he and the Armstrongs had been sitting before we got there. The world is all alive with it, to be sure ; it is in the air both of religion and science. I do not think we can say which " began it ; " if one had not, the other would. It is a new grasp, a closer perception ; and the first prophecy and advent are like the prophecy and advent of Bethlehem. The wise men are eager ; the Herods are scared ; the hearts that are virgin to 108 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. the truth, and of which it may he horn, are in travail and pon dering. The shepherds, guarding their living treasures hy night, waiting for the day, hear heavenly voices ; and in the desert, growing and waxing strong in spirit, there is a child already, the child of a stern, judging Truth that shall be the world's awakening to its need, waiting for the day of its showing unto Israel. A new reach and message through the things that are the types, a last word sent back from the farthest advance, and farthest discovery of material exploration and analysis, this was what they talked of, as people are talking everywhere. " They have almost touched heaven, and they do not know it," said Mr. Truesdaile, as they walked toward us and we caught a key-note to the conversation. " Protoplasm is very near to God ; and yet they will never reach Him by that road," said Roger Armstrong. Our shaking hands and making places did not put by, or break up, except for the moment ; we were all so quick to catch and to desire. Nobody even explained, " We were speak ing thus and so ; " or entreated, " Pray, go on." It went on, because it had to. Miss Euphrasia said to Mr. Truesdaile, " It may be lost again, that clew you were talking of. Is the world ready to read the sign ? It is as simple as the Rosetta stone ; but nobody sees how the pictures of things are the initial letters of great words." " It has been lost before. Do you suppose Babel was a round tower up into the clouds ? " " It may quite easily have been another sort of reaching." " ' Go to,' they said ; ' let us make brick ; let us put this and that together, and pile hard fact upon fact, with cunning mor tar between, and we shall come to the sky.' " " And then," said Lady Christian, " they fell to talking differ ent tongues. Nobody knew the one language. They forgot it, among them, in their cunning building. So Babel crumbled, and men began again." " Now, they are climbing a hill of sand," said Faith Arm strong. " It is not even a brick Babel, this new way of it. IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. 109 They have sifted the worlds down to particles, and made a kind of Sahara of the universe." " Where the shapes and drifts are nothing but chance shift- ings of wind-blown grains, and the beautiful things we hope for are only a mirage of the hot air," rejoined her husband. Said Mr. Truesdaile, " They disintegrate, to find out that which is the secret of compaction. The livingness is in the living rock. It goes out by their own process, which after all they cannot push to literalness. Nobody ever saw an atom, any more than they see the Spirit that holds the atoms together. Yet they will believe in the one, and say, ' Who has ever shown us the other ? ' ' " Was not that, too, in the parable told nineteen hundred years ago ? " said Miss Euphrasia. " Building on the sand, and building on the rock ? The holding to mere elements, which fall apart, and the holding to his saying, which is the Word in the world ? " " Still," said Lady Christian, " is it not his hand upon the world, after all, to open its sight ? When He healed the blind man, He took clay, the lowest thing ; and he made an oint ment with spittle, the most literal proceeding from his mouth, sign of his most inferior material word, and anointed the shut eyes. And at first, when the sight came, it was not to see men even as men ; but as trees walking. Are not the wise ones looking at humanity just so now ? But the second touch perhaps the crumbling away of the first anointing showed all things clearly." " You have taken the truth out of two parable-acts, Lady Christian," said Mr. Armstrong ; " but you have mingled, and perhaps not mismingled, the stories." "Ah, yes," said Lady Christian, smiling. "I recollect. There was the blind man of Bethsaida, and he of Jerusalem born blind." " And He led the one out of the town, away from human con fusions, and there made the clay, emblem of first things ; and after He had anointed, bade him go and wash in the pool called Sent' It was as he went, according to the sending, that hia sight came." 110 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. " And the other," went on Lady Christian, " in the midst of the city, close by its very temple, touched with spittle also, began to see, dimly, life in its lower relations ; the men as trees. After that, a higher quickening revealed the higher. Surely it was not without meaning that he did it twice." " I have never yet, said Mr. Truesdaile, " found any question or solution of question, that was not prevised in the New Tes tament." " I am so glad it was called the ' Testament,' " said Miss Euphrasia. " The perfect Will, the clear intent, the com plete bequeathing. We are like children of a vast inheritance, only coming to it as the needs come ; opening out treasure after treasure in truth, as we do in the heart of the globe, as the life demands it." " He fed the multitude twice," said I. " I mean, with the same repetition of circumstances, so that we easily confound the two.' Certainly He healed many blind and deaf, and raised many dead, no doubt ; but we have these few doubled, like a saying underlined. There were Lazarus, and the boy of Nain ; how those two stand together, in the hopelessness and the weeping, and the ' beholding of the glory ! ' ' " The bier and the tomb, yes ; the very last and uttermost of death ; twice shown, that the people might see two differ ent throngs of them, in Judea and Galilee how ' God had visited his people.' And that, by the mouths of many witnesses, the word of immortality might be established." " I think," said Mr. Truesdaile, as Mr. Armstrong paused, " that we have more nearly the whole of these ministries in the record, than is apt to be imagined. And I would rather be lieve that there were no more. For if Jesus had literally swept all pain and death from before his presence, wherever He went, and as long as He lived upon the earth, we should not have learned the other side of his mercy that He came to show. There is as true a comfort in his leaving unhealed, in his let ting the dead be buried, as in his turning back of sickness and mortality. ' This sickness is not unto death,' He says ; ' this death is not unto the grave ; ' when He ' abides still in the same place where He was,' letting our grief and pain go IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. Ill on. He manifests forth the love and the might that can de liver, that we may know what the love and might must be that suffer things to be so now. That we may be sure of the order ing and appointing. ' That no man may be moved by these afflictions ; for we know that we are appointed thereto.' So He gave his own body, and suffered the last ; though He might have had twelve* legions of angels." Miss Euphrasia's quiet voice repeated, " ' Ye are they which have continued with me in my temptations ; and I ap point unto you a kingdom, as my Father hath appointed unto me ; that ye may eat and drink at my table, in my kingdom.' " Tea was brought out on trays, by two nice maids ; and the young folks, with "Cousin Amy," Mrs. Robert Truesdaile from Manchester, came trooping down from the little open- air theatre, hungry with their long rehearsing. Over the tea-cups, while we dropped in sugar and cream, we asked Miss Euphrasia the question which had come up in our minds many times, with great curiosity, but had not yet been asked and answered ; " How in the world she knew so instantly of our arrival in London ? " " I might make a mystery of intuition and affinity out of it," she said, laughing. " But the truth is, a friend of ours saw you in the Park." " One of the Nova Zembla friends ? And who ? " " Not at all. Somebody you never saw. Young Mr. Eck- ford, Sir Harry Eckford's son, who passed you as he was driv ing home to dinner. We were there that evening, and it all came out at table." " It is a stranger mystery than intuition ! " cried Edith, mak ing great eyes. " What can you mean, Miss Kirkbright ? " " If Mrs. Regis were here, I think I would hardly venture to tell you ; but you will enjoy the joke just as we did. It was your luggage, yours and hers." I thought of the big letters, " Stuart Regis, U. S. Army," and the advertisement of it ; and I felt myself color a little be fore the eyes of these reticent, undisplaying English. " It was such a funny coincidence," Miss Euphrasia hastened to say. She was so quick to see the little danger signal. 112 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. "And Percy Eckford is always picking up funny things," said Lady Christian. I '11 tell you another, presently, that this reminds me of. I beg your pardon, Cousin Euphrasia." Miss Kirkbright went on. " He came in with such a grave face, and made no real con versation for several minutes. Then he said suddenly, ' Hag anybody heard that the Tower of London is on fire ? I don't mean that I have,' for everybody started. In these days of conflagration one is not surprised to hear that the Rock of Gib raltar, or the Egyptian Pyramids, are burning. ' It was only that I could n't think where all the things came from that I saw being moved across Hyde Park to-day ; unless that was it, or the Queen was fetching home the family plate and jewels. There were two cabs, I thought cabs were odd, under any supposition, unless of fire, and on the top were boxes with the most portentous marks ! In the first place, there was " V. R." itself. I just glanced inside, and I did n't see Her Majesty ; then there was also " Stuart," and " Tudor," and the Latin possessive of " the King " sticking out on a corner ; and the biggest box of all, iron-banded and bottomed, had " STRONG " upon it in black capitals. I assure you it 's very much on my mind still ; one can't help thinking of fire, or abdi cation, or revolution, you know. But the streets are quite quiet ; and the only other thing that occurs to me is that the North Western Express was just in, and probably an American steamer had arrived at Liverpool.' " Miss Euphrasia has a little of the English accent, or as they claim it, want of accent, herself; and I could quite im agine from her repetition, just how the young gentleman had toned and inflected it ; and quiet fun is really a great deal fun nier in the leisurely rhythm of such speech, than in our square- chopped Yankee. Edith was the first to stop laughing. " But it is positively horrible," she said. " How are we to go over Europe with such ticketing as that ? At least, the Strong box is to be kept in London ; and I 've only ' E. S.' on my rail way basket." " It would n't matter much on the Continent," I suggested. IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. 113 " There is n't any separate Continent," she said ruefully. "Americans and English are all over it" " We can't hide ; and we can't take otherwises," said Emery Ann. " But if it will do any good, I can leave off the ' Tudor.' " " And be signaled ' Emery Ann ? ' " I asked ; at which, fresh amusement. Do you see how safe Emery Ann is not to overstep her cer tainties ? She was not clear about the accentuation of " alias ; " but she knows the common sense of it, and she used that ; and common sense, as it sometimes does, became a piquancy. " Please tell us the other thing, Lady Christian," said Mrs. Armstrong. "That Percy Eckford saw? Oh yes, it was this. He came into some town, once, upon the top of a stage-coach. He had the box-seat, and had been chatting with the coach man, who pointed out this and that to him as they rattled along. ' That 's a hodd place for a chapel, ain't it, sir ? ' said the man stretching out his whip toward a tabernacle building that fronted on the main street between two shops. Over one of these was the sign, ' Evans, Tailor ; ' and on the other, ' Watson, Chemist.' ' Why so ? ' said Percy. ' Don't you see, sir ? ' said coachman, solemnly. ' 'Evins on the one side ; but Wot 's on the other ? ' " " That reminds me," said Mr. Trues'daile. " In regard to your Hastings plan " " Don't be hasty, dear ! I 've one or two plans before that," returned Lady Christian. " I was only thinking of the fancy mail-coach. Would n't that be a nice idea ? " " As if there could be any possible nice idea that mamma had n't already set by in her own head, papa ! You do so let out all the delicious little pantry-secrets ! " said Hope Truesdaile, who had brought a garden chair beside Edith, and was making quicker acquaintance than I had expected from a home-edu cated English girl, not " out in society." But then Hope Truesdaile is Lady Christian's daughter. " To-morrow," said Miss Euphrasia, turning to me, " I hope 8 114 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. you can go with us to the Academy. Have you any other plans?" " Nothing that cannot be adjusted to it," I answered. " We are not marking out a campaign this time ; we are only * en route.' So that everything which befalls without planning is just so much pleasure of the better sort." "Then let it befall that we all meet at Duroy's, in Regent Street, and have a little lunch," said Lady Christian, " and then go to the Exhibition." I think I gave myself up to a more resigned enjoyment of the evening from that moment ; seeing that there was to be yet another day. The only bit, or little taste, of anything very de licious has always a certain pang in the flavor ; which is, doubt less, the moral of bitter almonds in reverse suggestion. I cannot tell you all the bright, home-y, scrappy talk that followed, Rose, as we lingered in the garden into the twilight, and the young Truesdailes and two or three friends who were helping them " do " their little play, discussed stage situations and difficulties, and begged advice, and got Lady Christian's criticisms, and enjoined on Cousin Amy, who was prompter, the necessity of clear cues at certain points where they were " sure to forget ; " the little consultations about tables, and attendance, and the places for guests, who were to be in greater number than usual, because the Truesdaile garden party has grown to be an annual interest with many who care for the good rector's work and plans and the connection with them of this festival ; Lady Christian's modest explanation of how it was, and that Miss Clairmorit's London tenants were the real honorary guests, but that their own intimates, and some whom they were only intimate with in the cause, and she mentioned two or three very high names of noble ladies, had from time to time begged in ; all this, the letting of us into their home life and its lovely expansions, I cannot tell you minute by minute, though the skipping of anything seems like a selfish non-sharing. You cannot imagine how nice that eight o'clock supper was ; not hot and stuffy like a dinner, nor weary with course after course ; but such a pleasant setting out together of savory and fresh and delicate and enticing ; from the roasted chickens and IN LADY CHRISTIAN'S GARDEN. 115 the pink ham and the smoking, powdery potatoes to the fruits and jellies that shone and sparkled up and down the table in crystal dishes, among the vases of flowers, with such adornment of light and color-grouping. And the life of the house that gathered round it and con tributed itself in wise and sweet and bright variety, from Mr. Truesdaile with his grand, gentle face and ways and words, down to the littlest one, for they have no nursery dinners here, who ate contentedly his two kinds of the simplest, and chattered over it in a happy, unobtrusive fashion that disturbed and interrupted nothing, any more than a brook or a bird does, was all just like the supper ; I would rather call it the repast, for I like that word with the intensive particle, which makes the food something more than feeding. In all things, I think this household life realizes its types, and makes them sacraments of the blessed verities. That, too, without any cant ; not even the cant of an ti -cant, to which some excellent people swing over in these days, making a busi ness of their genuineness. I am in danger of talking about it as much as if I gave it all, word by word ; but, indeed, I doubt if I find anywhere beyond, much that will be better worth while to dwell on. I will skip abruptly to the next morning, and the Exhibition. Or, I will begin there, when I next sit down to write. But I must put in what Emery Ann said after we got home, about the " Word-and-the-philosophers " talk, that she had list ened to in her unpresuming, keen silence. " It 's a good thing that the Lord has put his own corner stone under creation, and we don't have to wait for their round towers, that some of us mightn't ever hear tell of. I'm glad I was born into a world where there was a Bible, instead of a Babel, ready-made ; any way, I was, whether I 'm glad or not ; and so were these wise men, that it appears to me don't pick up the best of their facts, after all 's said and done. There 's facts at both ends ; they won't get 'em all out of the crumbles. A man 's a fact himself ; and his very inquisitive- ness. If thinkin' comes of it, it stands to reason thinkin' must have gone towards it. If there 's soul at the tail end, 'here 's 116 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Soul at the beginning. It's the first and the Last, and the Almighty has said so." " And he took alphabet-letters to say it by. All the world- word lies in that parenthesis," I answered her. " Likely." Emery Ann's New Englandism had its own sen tentious reverence. " For, come to, there is n't so much as any little nut meat that has n't got a whole tree in it." Which is also the parable of the mustard-seed and the king dom. A STRAW. 117 CHAPTER XI. A STRAW. Mr DEAR ROSE-NOBLE, There must always be dates and postmarks ; by them you know present whereabouts and safety thus far ; but that is all you will know except as I come to it straight along. If I wrote a letter of to-day, I should fall to dropping out all the yesterdays, and presently to not writing at all, as people do, because it is hopeless to write the whole ; and you would get now and then some generality, not even glitter ing, and a string of wretched little excuses and more good-for- nothing assurances, instead of being kept beside me all through, as I mean you shall be, on this unique line of letter-writing, if it takes me all the summers that are left to me to do it in. I never did see the sense of saying a lesson " skipping about ; " except, indeed, the multiplication table. Margaret and her mother went with us to the Exhibition. It was my first experience of a great gallery of pictures ; and as I look back upon it from even this distance of time, those bril liant lines of paintings, with their manifold subjects and styles, run into a magnificent confusion in my memory, and I should find it hard enough to give you an idea of what I saw ; so that presently I shall gladly fall back again upon that a part of which I was ; the more, as it brought me, by a chance hap pening, into a little nearer understanding than I had reached in any way as yet, with this proud, peculiar, interesting Margaret Regis. It is such nonsense to go to a place like that, to see it as a whole, and only once. It is something to come to London and stay all the season for, and visit every day ; spending your hour or two, or three, with the thing that stops you, and then taking it quietly home with you, and putting it away. 118 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. I shall get cross, continually, I feel sure, with heterogeneous sight-seeing ; grabbing at things by the bushel, and feeling them all slip through the mental hold, like a big handful of smooth beans through the fingers ! But bating the crossness and the crowd, and the crossness came afterward, I had a pleasant time; and I have a gen eral dreamy notion of lovely glimpses into deep woody nooks full of flickering light, and shade, and green repose, of wild, stormy, cloud-swept mountain solitudes, of shining beaches, and waters rippling in the gold, and rose, and purple of dawn or sunset, of rocks and foaming breakers and heeling ships, of sweet home-scenes and quaint " interiors," of exquisite child-groups and faces of beautiful women, of thoughts, and stories, and, fancies, sad or bright, put down on canvas with the play and attitude of a moment, all shifting before me and re placing each other like the turning of quick leaves, as we walked through the splendid ranges of rooms, taking the ten in long slow order, that yet seemed foolishly brief, and coming back at last into the Central Hall and Sculpture Gallery to rest and gaze among the marbles. It was when I went into the long room a second time, to look for some picture there, whose title struck me as I reviewed the catalogue, but whose title proved, as I thought, to be the whole of it, after all, that finding Margaret Regis and her mother there, I sat down by them on the divan ; and that Mrs. Regis leaving us presently, Margaret and I overheard a bit of conver sation that was just like a page or two of talk out of a certain sort of English novel ; which yet, in the midst of its absurdity, touched Margaret in some keen way that made an expression flash into her face, and drew from her a sudden exclamation, that told, like these picture-titles and picture-glimpses, al most a history in a glance and word. The speakers, or the speaker and listener, were two elderly ladies, a stout and a thin one, of dowagerish as pect, who came and sat down beyond us and at our backs, just round the corner of the long oval. Middle-class dowagers, at least the head-gossip must have been such ; for though she talked like a woman used to something like society, and in pretty A STRAW. 119 fair English, yet in the excitement of her subject she did occa sionally gently slip an " h," and then catch it up hurriedly in her breath, like an " ' h ' to carry," and tack it on to another word instead. It does not sound so vulgar as it looks when written, unless in harsher aspiration than she made ; and you must take my underscorings, not for^vehement emphasis, but for an. otherwise indescribable pointing of the cadence; and you must remember the little poise of inflection, it is hardly rising, at the ends of the phrases ; and the rippling recitative of the syllables between. That is, if you would hear it as I heard it, which was the beauty of it. " Ned is reely-but-a boy, you know ; only twenty ; and Amy ts-but sixteen. It 's quite setled-they 're-to-say-nothing-about- it-for-six-mon^s ; and the Westmacotts were-to-have-taken- -<4ftce-abroad-to school ; but Amy 's gone-instead-for-the-suj- months, mind you? Quite out of the way! But be/bre-they- were-off, fancy, there came-up-the-picnic-to Netley ; and Mr. Smythe got an invitation for Ned ; he came-to-me in such- 'igh spirits about-it ! And he gave-her-a magnificent lockei. ! H'eight guineas, you-may-lnowMt-was rnagmyicent ! And he's quite-sure, and-conen-for-the-'alf year. I 've no-doubt-at-a# that Ned will be constant ; but I 'm no-so-certain of -4my. If she sees anyone-she-likes-better on the Continent, she '11 be married, at once. It's a very- very-excellent thing for Ned-to- be-sure ; for her mother had ^AzVty-thousand-pounds to her for tune ; and there-are-the aunts beside. And it 's all to come to the children ; so its a#-right thai-way, don't-you-see ? Ned was always a fellow of very-'igh h'aims ! It's no-secret ; it's quite-well known in S'thampton ; but you '11 ^'ws^-if-you-please, not mention it from me ? " They got up and went away, with that ; and I turned to glance at Margaret, and have the fun of it out with her, when it was not fun that I saw in her face ; but that flashing, indig nant expression ; and she said under her breath, and with her eyes shining straight before her, " So they take English girls abroad, too ! I wonder what the girls ' abroad ' do about it, when it comes to them ? " " Stay," said I. " And get tired of Ned, in the natural course of things, perhaps ; sometimes." 120 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. Then her eyes turned full at me, and a little spark of the in dignation leaped from them into my face. " Tired! What is a person's word for, then ? " " My dear ! Is that all, against getting tired ? " " It has to be enough, I suppose, after people are married." " Precisely. And just because of that, it is not half enough to get married on. It is n't 'I have given my word, and so I will be your wife ; ' but ' I will love you better than all the world till death do part us ; ' yes ' till death join us again ! ' The first is only a pledge, under human conditions, which often remain to be tried, of a regard which thinks it can make the promise, some time." " And it has got to be made. A girl has no right " " Put it the other way. What would you think if he any body were to marry you just to keep his word ? Would that do ? Would that be true enough ? Would he have a right " " He might do a meaner thing," she interrupted. " I wonder if I said too much ? " I asked Emery Ann. I was so uneasy in my mind about it afterward, that I had to tell Emery Ann. Nobody knows what that woman, with her honest, simple, un- bewildered common sense, is to me sometimes in what she calls " hard spots," in the way of clearing my convictions. " It is such a responsibility to take, to touch such things at all," I said, faint-heartedly. " Patience Strong," said Emery Ann, " sometimes I do be lieve you 've got a crazybone in your conscience ! What else could you do ? You was spoke to plain, and you answered back the truth." " As well as I knew how. But you may be mistaken in the way the truth will work on feelings. What is truth for one, may not be the truth for another. You don't know what you may do. You may put a straw across a trickle, which will turn a river another way." " And you may leave the straw wnput. You 've got to take the responsibility, either way. I hope that did n't stop you." A STRAW. 121 " No. I said all I had a chance to." " Another time you '11 have to finish." " If the chance comes." " Of course. You can't make that. That is n't your busi ness." 122 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER XII. THE DISCIPLES TO THE MULTITUDE. .... THE day of the garden party at Lady Christian's was the last day of our stay in London. It had been settled that we should all go down to Hastings together, where the Truesdailes have taken a house for a little while, with Mr. and Mrs. Arm strong, who wished to spend some weeks at the south sea-coast with the children. Some of Lady Christian's servants were to go down by the early train next morning, and we were to come after by the fancy mail-coach to Tunbridge Wells, and thence by rail. What days these were, Rose ! How came they to be made in the world for me ? It makes me think of all the possible combinations that may make great gifts, any moment, of our daily bread. The people, and the places, and the little turns of happenings, held in God's hands, like mysterious numbers, that may count up and multiply so many, many different ways ! Why, it is plain force of calculation, that we have neither seen, nor heard, nor had it enter into our hearts to conceive, the things He has laid up, and may bring to pass, even now, here, to-day, to-morrow. Living on is a great wonder. The time coming is fuller than the time that has been. But the straws we lay, ourselves, across the trickles ! We need have crazybones in our consciences, that we don't shatter ourselves against sharp corners that He never set for us. I think, now and then, I am having too easy, too good a time. That I have laid out too long a holiday from the living in earnest that I thought I had taken hold of. And I believe it troubles me too, confusedly, to see as I move out into the world how much doing there is in it which has not any direct ap- THE DISCIPLES TO THE MULTITUDE. 123 m pearance of that living in earnest to accomplish some heavenly work, which I, in my hushed little corner, thought ought to be the mainspring of everything, the aim of every right-minded Christian person every day. Here, at Lady Christian's, is the true life, the life of faith and helping, made a business of ; but such motive points, so distinct and few, showing in the great working sea of human struggles and purposes and pleasant pursuings, only manifest the stir of the leaven in the three great measures, and you are tossed back in your mind upon the question, If it were all leaven, where were the mass ? and must there not needs be always a " face of the waters " for the Spirit of God to move upon, separating the light from the darkness, and so evolving the heavens and the earth ? I suppose the Kingdom will come, when the mass is leavened ; when there needs not any longer be a special ferment anywhere. The new heavens and earth shall be established, when the firma ment shall be set in the midst, to divide the waters from the waters, so that they which belong above shall be lifted up, and they whose place and purpose are beneath shall be gathered together, and the rising and falling shall be the eternal demand and giving again which is the play of the Divine Will in the human condition, the rendering of every tribute in its due order, and He shall see that it is all good. I suppose we need trouble less about the true life, measuring and condemning by contrast, than just to live, meekly, a true life. It takes a great many lives, in a great many different ways and places, to make a world. It takes many phases and alterna tions, of work and holiday, week-day and sabbath, sad and bright, calm and intense, much mixing even of spiritual and natural, to make a single living. Perhaps we must leave The True Life to God, who overlooks and moves throughout the whole ; and be blessedly content, ourselves, to be but particles, sun-drawn into his heaven in rapturous mist, set in his cloud and shining with his glory for a token, or dropping down into his deep in rain. Yes, or just glad and rosy for a while with the morning, or floating in calm, white rest upon a clear blue noon, or waiting in a violet peace as the night comes on. 124 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. I think I will not worry about the easy time that befalls me in his order. Mrs. Regis was beautifully dressed that afternoon at Lady Christian's. Her thin black upper dress was of the most deli cate, yet firm, silk tissue, woven in such a sheer, light web that the rich, heavy robe beneath showed all its costly splendor ; the camel's hair shawl which she carried into the garden upon her arm was of wonderful fineness : and the very narrow border of Indian needlework which relieved its plainness was such a piece of handicraft and such a combination of dusky, deep, softly blended color, as is rarely, I imagine, got away out of the East for any European purchaser. She knew that the Countess of L was to be there, and the daughters of the Marquis of W ; and I think she was conscious that if any stranger and there were a good many guests invited as we were, who were new to the house and to each other were to look about, fancying curiously who might be of the noblesse, she was quite as likely to be taken for a countess as anybody. I am sure she walked down the path and took her seat with a supreme, unostentatious grace which might have become a duchess. Lady Christian begged us to make ourselves quite comforta ble. A few ladies were already gathered near the front, and Mrs. Regis, who led our party, moved, after the greeting of the hostess, with precisely that unassumingness which is conscious of nothing to assume, toward a row of chairs a little withdrawn yet sufficiently forward, and placed herself at the end, against the shade of a low-spreading, heavy, dark-leaved evergreen. Margaret, looking lovely in a pale blue redingote over black silk, came next ; then Edith and I, and Emery Ann, who found herself quite out in the middle, and presently, when a light cloud had drifted over, in the full shine of the afternoon sun. I wonder if it is wickedness in me, which saw, or felt, so plainly, this tone of Mrs. Regis's, and divined how and why she took it, while it sat so native-easy upon her ; and discerned the instant discrimination which led her with that quiet and indiffer ent grace, to what I saw upon careful survey, was the very pref erable and choice position in the whole auditorium ? THE DISCIPLES TO THE MULTITUDE. 125 There was the little apparent disadvantage of being far at the side, and behind several rows of people ; and of having to lean slightly around a projecting branch to get a perfectly un obstructed sight of the stage, which redeemed from obvious selfishness ; but as the other seats filled up, and hats and para sols were bobbing to and fro in each other's way, and eyes were politely blinking in the dazzle that they could not be shaded from without incommoding too entirely the general view, it be came quite plain that she had chosen with a most wise modesty, her little sheltered nook. Her clear, pure outlines, and her white, fine cap showed, too, very artistically against the deep- green, glossy foliage. She leaned past Margaret, and reached me a large, handsome garden-screen, " for Miss Tudor." It opened round, with a tilt ing spring, which made a perfect shield, and inconvenienced no one. I had a fan which slid upon its stick and made a semi circular defense for my eyes, and Edith wore a hat jvith a pretty little dropping brim, so that Mrs. Regis satisfied herself that we were none of us suffering, and took her own scrupulous comfort accordingly. Certainly, it was better than if she had not cared. She is not a bad traveling companion. "Within a certain circumference, she spreads a serenity in the world. I puzzled myself with thinking what more any one could be expected to do, since one can't reach everybody ; and it led me into the end less problems of a politico-moral economy, the good of a privileged, luxurious class, the benefit of a polite and elegant civilization, the service of self-service, demand and supply, spending and earning, before the pretty tapestry curtains were drawn aside from the stage, and Hope Truesdaile and her brother Arthur began the play we had come to see. " Nothing is too good for a human being," somebody said to me once ; and it came back to me now. Ah ! but which human being ? I don't think I began freely to listen to the stage dia logue until that other question, " Who is my neighbor ? " flashed suddenly into syllables of light across my broken musings, and the memory of the Samaritan who went out of his way, for a stranger, answered over again all the confusion of reasoning. What a blessed finality the New Testament words are ! 126 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. And did you ever think, Rose, how the very promise of that Spirit which men have come to fancy is leading them beyond where Christ led, was given as of that which should but " bring all to remembrance " of the things that He has told us ? Did I say we had come to see the play ? Well, I suppose we had ; and it was a charming thing to see ; but these groups of happy, tidy, poor people, who sat around or behind us, upon the grass or garden benches, or strolled up and down the shady walks, keeping the little children blessedly quiet with fresh air and fragrance, and summer beauty, and hands full of ginger bread ; the working women who made holiday together, not caring much for the drama, but sitting in knots, farther off under the trees, chatting, and drinking glasses of lemonade and ginger beer ; the bringing together of high and low, and what is harder, between, for one sympathetic enjoyment, this was something wholly beautiful and satisfying, and which I certainly had not come to England expecting to see. At the regular tea-time, when the play was over, it was more beautiful yet. The poor were first served. There was plenty of good cold beef, bread and butter, tea and fruit; and the Truesdailes and their friends, and their friends' servants, all helped around the tables where the humbler guests were carefully seated ; until gradually, and not with any sharp distinction, it came to be everybody's turn to get something ; and we sipped our tea, and ate our sugared strawberries in the intervals of looking after the old women's cups, and the children's buns, or even of tending a baby here and there, while the young mothers got rest and re freshment. It was golden twilight when we went down to the water-gate, to see the barge off in which they sailed down the river again, these poor Londoners, to their every-day life and work in the close streets, quite content and very rich in the sense of the heavenly things that they could think of for another whole long year, as waiting a little way outside for them, and in the heav enly feeling of a human kindliness, through which their bit of pleasure came. THE DISCIPLES TO THE MULTITUDE. 127 They went off singing hymns, after their thanks and cheers. I don't think anybody grumbled that it was not more, or that they could not have it every day, as rich people do. They would not know what to do with it every day. Certainly, but that the Lord Himself, in an hourly " great humility," dwells with these submissive souls, making their low estate imperial with grand endurance, it were hard to read his mystery ! I do not think his " Ye have done it unto me," is spoken of a vicarious receiving ; or that He sets men anything to bear, or any life to live, apart from his. I do not believe there is any vicariousness in all his universe of joy and sweet ness, pain and punishment ; but that up and down through all, even through sin, walks One, as the Son of Man, beside us, and takes of ours upon Him; and that so these least things are the really greatest, the last are first, the hardest most divine. 328 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. CHAPTER XIII. FANCY-MAIL: AND HALDON HOUSE. .... EDITH told me next morning while we were dress ing, that Margaret had had a letter last night from " the Mac- ken zies." That meant, I suppose, from Harry. " She was in great spirits, auntie," Edith said, with a tone of not quite comprehending. " She is apt to be in great spirits, or not in any at all. It seems as if she were always thinking whether she were content or not ; and when she fancies she is, she gets into a high glee ; and again she is all down as if the very world had dropped a little way, with everybody on board ! " " Simon says ' up ; ' Simon says ' down ; ' Simon says ' wig wag ; ' " said Emery Ann, oracularly, as she picked up my hair brushes and tucked them into the bag that was to go to Hast ings. "I think Mrs. Regis is annoyed, either way," said Edith. " She says Margaret never stops where people can be comfort able ; perhaps she would " and here Edie checked herself, thinking, maybe, that she was talking out of school. " If she knew exactly where people were, or where the com fort was," put in Emery Ann, unscrupulously. " Or if folks knew where she was. Mrs. Regis don't understand that girl. I believe she means well by her, but she nettles her. I can riddle it out a little ; she is in a kind of a spot, Margaret is ; and I doubt if her mother ever got into a real spot in her life. She 's gone right along in ready-made paths, always. She will have 'em ready-made ; that 's it, finally." " I think Mrs. Regis says things to her sometimes, that she would say to herself if she were let alone," said Edith ; " but she won't say them over after anybody. Margaret is she FANCY-MAIL: AND HALDON HOUSE. 129 seems contradictory about some things ; not her own, she is n't that, a bit ; but about her friends. She does n't like to be told things. Auntie ! " The child broke off suddenly, to put her arms round my neck and kiss me on both cheeks. " I 'm so glad I've got you, who always do understand ! And I 'm glad I have n't got into a spot ! What are girls in such a hurry to, for? It is so nice just to be a girl! '" And she ran back into her own room again-; shy with the very admission that there might be experiences waiting that she had not quite come to yet. I saw what she meant. Edith never comes and gossips ; but she has great faith in auntie, and she thinks it safest for every body that auntie should know everything. "Contradictory." "Things that she would say to herself if she were let alone." I found these words coming back to me. Margaret is cer tainly more restive with her stepmother's reasons, than she is with reason when it comes some other way. I have thought more than once that her interest here as the world calls it, is greatly against her interest. She is so jealous of that ready- made p%,th, and its conditions. And Mrs. Regis never would think of that. She can measure the direct purchase which she holds upon Margaret's will or action, through the power left her over her circumstances ; but she would not discern the reflex force which would move so proud a nature to resist. In this, her tact, so wonderful in externals, wholly fails. She has that sort of inner touch whose sense lies just deep enough to make her gracious and graceful ; quick to perceive discomfort and turn aside annoyance ; but she has not that profounder reach, possessed only by an actual gift, or attained by a passing over of one's consciousness into another's, which sounds charac ter and feels experience not one's own. Margaret, of a nobler make, yet has hardly either at present. She has the headlong ardor and intensity of a young girl ; generous in intention, be cause adoring the idea of generosity ; but realizing too keenly her own first contacts with life to put herself in other possible attitudes, or to face with a calm judgment, her own feelings 9 130 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. and apprehensions, which she takes to be unchanging verities and convictions. Seeing this, and foreseeing through how many tides and alter nations must come, if ever, a real adjustment and repose in Mar garet's own self and destiny, or in the mutual relation of these two who call each other mother and daughter, one cannot fully rejoice with the girl when she does rejoice ; when these moods come over her of a fancied content, a resting in the present or the merely circumstantial, a "taking things as they come, and the world as it goes," according to the phrase. Yet it is lovely, for the moment, to see her face bright, and to feel her in tune with the pleasantness of the day and time ; such a day and time as they were when we set off in the fancy mail- coach for Tunbridge Wells. We drove down in flies or flys, should I make the plural of it ? to White Horse Cellar, from which the coach departs. On the way, somewhere, I can't in the least tell you where, we went by a big building and a court-yard, and were aware of a little gathering, and saw hats raised, and caught the sound of a cheer ; somebody said, " The Duke of Cambridge ; " I be lieve he was coming forth and mounting his horse. We* did n't pee him, but I thought you might like to know that he was there, and we close by. This fancy mail-coach and I think they told us there are several others on different routes is run for the pleasure and at the chief expense (passengers pay a slightly fancy price for seats, to keep the thing properly restricted) of two gentlemen ; a lord and a colonel. I heard their names, but I can only give you the handles, which perhaps are the best of them. At any rate, it is the polite end to present, of things in general. They drive - L literally, themselves, often, but when not, their very fine retainers do their own splendid horses, four in hand. The whole turnout is specklessly brilliant in finish, and elegantly complete in appointment ; a real mail-coach, but, I think, glorified. No flash ; all quiet, solid, but absolutely per fect ; perfect as a parlor toy. The coachman wears plain dress, a gentleman's morning suit, it might be. The guard is resplen dent in scarlet, and carries a shining horn, which he winds sig- FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE. 131 Dais upon as we skim along. He put us up the steps to our top seats, there are places for sixteen, railed and cushioned, on the roof; and presently sounded the cheery blast, which gave notice of departure ; and down Piccadilly over the cool, watered pavement, we rolled on smoothest wheels toward Charing Cross ; then over Hungerford Bridge and through, I can't tell you what else of London precincts, but southeastwardly, of course, to the city borders, the spaces growing larger and the air fresher, all the way, we went out into the green country ; the omnibus drivers all touching their whips to their caps, and everything giving the road, as the guard's horn warned of our coming, to the representative Royal Mail as of old time ; so that we never swerved, or dropped from a clean trot, all the way through the crowded thoroughfares. I felt a child's smile of glee stereotyping itself upon my face as we went ; and looking round to see if anybody noticed my " silliness," I discovered everybody's else marked with the same unconscious delight. Emery Ann gave it voice. " I would n't give a cent to be the Queen ! " she said to me. And I hushed her up, quick, for fear the superb coachman, just down in front, should hear her. Nine miles out, we had hardly begun to think of distance, and the bright bay coats of the horses showed no turning of a hair, we stopped before a hostelry ; one must return to the old time phrases, in telling of a journey like this ; and then the coachman flung down the reins, grooms sprang forward to un loose the harness, others led out four fresh, magnificent posters, their shining tackle making musical rattle as they stepped, and without a second loss of time every buckle was fastened, the spotless " lines " handed up again, and the same smooth, swift gait taken up with the self-same rhythm of hoof-beat ; and away along green English lanes, past farms and cottages, between the hedgerows we read of in country stories, with an air-ocean of balm bathing us in delight, and a clear, glorious sunshine en rapturing the air, we sped, and sped, and wished it might last forever. Every eight or nine miles we had four fresh horses ; each 'clay almost more splendid and eager than the last. 132 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. We went through the quaintest little villages, with their real old inns, the Golden Lambs, and the Red Lions, and the Angels, their narrow streets, with timbered houses and over hanging upper stories ; past the manor places that each belonged to, heralded by such signs now and then as " Sennockes," " Sennocke Arms, " etc. ; which one can easily trace back to " Sevenoaks " and the like. I felt as if I were riding down the years, and through all the delicious old books of the old home land. I felt sure I was getting the best of Europe (the Alps aren't Europe, they are just creation), and I said so. " It 's the stir of the old blood, I suppose," I said to Mrs. Regis ; " but somehow, I can't care for Italy and art as I do for these home places and real things. Italy will always, I fancy, have a certain foreign distastefulness to me. I never care much to read Italian stories ; I am so awfully heterodox as not to wor ship their poets. The English and Scotch and German ele ments touch fibres in me ; they are kindred ; I never can have too much of them. And yet we are not going to Scotland or Germany." You see, that cannot be, because we have only a year ; and some of us have only just so much money. We have made up our minds to have Switzerland ; which, as I have said, is not any man's land, but God's land ; that will take all the summer we shall have left ; and in the winter, Edith must have mild climate. Besides, once down at the Italian lakes, as we shall be in October, who could keep away from Milan, Florence, Rome ? I did not say there was not a certain whole of me that looks back reverently and wonderingly into the great Human Past, though the polarized particles of me have their positives and negatives, without which they could not be shaped at all into this particular Me, Patience Strong. Some time or other, per haps I shall go to Scotland ; meanwhile I must be content that it has come to me ; that I feel it in temper and instinct ; that I have inherited it. I am never tired of anything Scottish ; it never discourages me to open a book and find it sprinkled with the roughest Highland dialect ; its quaint words are spirit and music to me ; I interpret them as if I recollected them. I feel FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE. 133 at home among the hills and lochs where I have never been. I can smell the heather from the very map. I must be content ; for things are rarely given twice, both inwardly and out wardly, here. That is the kingdom of heaven. Margaret Regis and Mr. Armstrong had the box-seats ; Faith Armstrong sat behind with her children. Mr. Armstrong chatted with the coachman, and drew forth nice little bits of local information, talk about country places, ownerships, histories. Margaret was amused ; she seemed buoy antly happy. Once she said, leaning back to me : " How much I shall have to write home about this day ! How I wish Helen and everybody could be here ! Did you ever see such horses ? Did you ever dream of such driving ? " It was a help to her patchwork ; she had a brilliant lapful of the " little pieces " to-day. We dined at Tunbridge Wells. It was a gradual let-down from the ecstasy of that coach-ride through the delicious Kent country, to stop here, take a stroll after dinner to the famous Pantiles, where Dr. Johnson and Mrs. Thrale, and Fanny Bur- ney to say nothing of the heroines of old novels walked and talked and had their day ; to look in at the shop^, buy pho tographs and confectionery ; then, in an open carriage, to drive around the town, along the pleasant open roads, among the softly-swelling, moor-like hills and uplands, scattered over with cheerful houses and smooth-kept places, before we at last took the prosy railway train that steamed us down across a little corner of Sussex to Hastings by the sea. It was just dark when we reached there. We had "flies" again to take us through the town, along the quaint old streets, to the Castle End, near which is the lovely, low double-cottage which the Armstrongs and the Robert Truesdailes have taken together for two months. What do you think the old Castle ruin made me think of most, as we neared it in the soft evening light? High up above the street upon the cliff, it stood against the. mellowed east, itself a thing mellowed, rounded, softened by decay, until it has a shadowy, dissolved outline, with no sharp defiuiteness anywhere. It reminded me, absurdly, of the "tooth 134 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. of Time," and made me fancy that the old Rodent must have lost his last fang before he began upon this, and only gently mumbled it ! In a street of cottages and gardens stands the Halclon House, as the two buildings of very cosy, moderate size, neither one large enough of itself for much of a family, are called. Every "local habitation " has a name, you know, in England. The two parts are connected by a sort of covered gallery, whose lattice windows look down into a deep greenery which is the garden. The whole is overrun wildly by ivies, jessamine vines, and climbing roses, with the blossoms of which the air was richly sweet. The front door stood open, and one of Mrs. Truesdaile's maids and one of Lady Christian's waited there to receive us, courtesying as we came up. Inside, the rooms were open, the vine sprays wandering in through the low, broad windows ; and in the first we entered the table was already laid with tea and fruit. It was just pleas antly light without candles, and would be for an hour. This English twilight is like a gift of sweetness over and above the natural, expected day. It is like a kind of Indian Summer of delicious prolonging, overflowing, the sunshine into the darkness, and ransoming the night. " In the evening time it shall be light " were never words of such forceful beauty to me, until I found up here in the north the tender abiding of this soft amends. We, also, overflowed like the twilight, through the rambling passages and up and down bedrooms, till each had found her place. Margaret and Edith were put together, in a little apart ment opposite mine and Emery Ann's, across the garden-break between the buildings. Their window sash flew back as I opened mine, and the two faces, glad with exquisite surprise, were put forth at once, and two voices called over to me : " Aunt Pashie ! " " Miss Patience ! " " Do you think it is real ? Do you begin to feel yourself wake up, or anything ? Are n't you glad you came? " This last is the stereotyped question Edie and I ask each other, remembering the weighings and hesitations of three months ago. FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE. 135 " Miss Patience," began Margaret, again, before I drew my head back, " Are n't you afraid it 's like the fairy cottage Hans and Grethel found ? Won't the old witch be after us before morning ? " " Hush up ! " cried Edith, in a reckless rapture. " Her ain't a callin' we ! UK don't belong to she ! " I hoped we did n't. I hoped no old haunting witch would lay her skinny, disenchanting finger upon our blithesome moods; for there is where the spell is put that crumbles beauty into dry leaves or turns it hideous. The girls came down to tea with clusters and trails of jessa mine in their hair, and for sweet breast-knots. I shall have to skip. I will tell you all I can, and if you want any more, you may sing it yourself, as the old song says at the end. I think you can. I think I could go on singing a good while, from just these first lines and thrills, if no more written notes or verses came. But they did come. They keep coming. Next day, as if the cottage were not lovely enough, we went off picnicking. We went to Fairlight Glen ; a beautiful, woody, brook-threaded ravine, buried low beneath the brinks of sunny downs, where the air was pasture-sweet, though so near the tingle of the sea. We went in a big van ; and we walked across the crisp turf from a stile that let us in from the road upon the Fairlight ground. We carried our shawls and baskets, the tidy maids helping with the heaviest ; and we had our lunch, and rested after it all the midday through, under the great whispering beeches ; and we came back by a long drive, in the van that had returned to meet us ; getting sight of one or two old halls and parks, of Ore Place, built first by "John of Gaunt, time-honored Lancaster;" passing over wild, desolate-looking reaches between, where here and there a windmill stretched its great arms forlornly ; and at last in to bright, gay St. Leonard's, and so along the Grand Parade and by the sea-margin, to Hastings town, and its castle- cloud that lay soft again upon the evening blue, and beneath it to pretty Haldon House, which is home. 136 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. So quickly do we fit ourselves to that which fits, and feel it ours. What difference is there, of years and days ? Some time, it shall be all ours ; gathered up, even to the veriest glimpses ; no dropped crumb lost, of the twelve baskets full ; and we shall find our future, as some one who knows promised me once when I was in great loss and hunger and pain, made up of the best of that which has been. Is n't there something of that in the words : " When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall we also appear with Him, in glory ? " It doth not appear yet, what the body of that life shall be. It is hidden, as it is builded, in the heavens. But it is all there. The next day after that was Sunday. We took our books and wandered out, after breakfast, upon the downs behind Hal- don House, that stretched over to the sea. We got into a soft, warm hollow, like a huge cradle, between two swelling ridges, the Castle cliff rising up beyond the farthermost, the trough of which ran down to the sands, and through which we saw, across the green-walled vista, the shine and the blue of broad, glimmering waters. And here we sat ourselves down upon the grass, as the people did for whom Christ broke bread. Still ; still ! As the sweet grave, or as the ante-heaven ! Faces take on a revealing look, I think, in such moments and places, as the faces of those do who have gone past and entered in. Hugh Truesdaile, one must drop the commonplace of prefix sometimes ; it is too trifling for high reverence, as it is too deferential for intimate neaftiess ; Hugh Truesdaile sat with his brow bare, uplifted ; a deep light in his eyes of a day that poured about his spirit ; and the wind that stirred his hair minded me of the whisper of a wind that bloweth where it listeth, and in which I was sure that he heard voices. Lady Christian had a waiting look, of tender content. There was no instant care of ministry ; and she is so especially a min istering spirit. About her there seemed to be folded wings ; she was like one" who only attends for an errand, but whose readiness is rest. The light seemed to fall gently down upon FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE. 157 her forehead and upon her half-dropped lids. I could think it fell upon her face from the Face above the Throne. Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong had led the children down farther over the hill to " look at the water," and for little talks of their own with them, on the " Children's Day." Miss Euphrasia drew near me, for which my heart brimmed silently toward her, as it did toward all the heavenly nearness of the time. Mrs. Regis chose a seat a little withdrawn, and her eyes, as she rested them upon the distance, had an occupied look, which did not seem gathered from anything that lay between her and that horizon pale with a great light. She had upon her lag a book in the chocolate-paper covers of " Harper's Select Novels." Margaret had brought no book. She had her little traveling portfolio on her lap, and she had untied its strings, and held her pencil in her hand. But she sat thinking, and did not begin to write. In the stillness and sweetness, the reflux upon her spirit of the great tide of universal influence which sweeps back upon us when some little passing river-rush of our life is spent and loses itself against the greater deep, the shadow and per plexity were coming back. She was measuring again the little against the large. Lady Christian was the first to speak. " I think this is a picnic again," she said, " if we only knew it, and looked into our baskets. Are we to keep all the lids quite close, and carry them back as they came ? " " There are picnics and picnics," said her husband, smiling. " There are those of a mutual contribution, and others where ''iach brings for eachself." " What a nice phrase ! " said Miss Euphrasia. " How com fortably it gets rid of the unmanageable ' him ' and ' her ! ' You \&ve contributed already, Mr. Truesdaile." " A word is a good thing enough," said Lady Christian ; " and so are knives and forks. But Hugh has got something better than that for us ; though he is apt to look after the plenishing. He is very particular about his spoons." " I like best a long spoon to reach into my neighbor's dish 138 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. with, I think, especially on a picnic," he persisted, with a gentle playfulness that was full of earnest intent. " I 'm sure we have each brought provender. Have n't we, Miss Tudor ? " he said, catching Emery Ann's eye, and seeing it alight with some inward response. " I 'm sure," said Emery Ann, " I should never stop to think whether I had or not, any more than a mouse in the middle of a cheese." And her hands clasped themselves upon her knees again, and her face turned toward the light of sky and sea. Emery Ann's " anymores " are as good, often, as the sol- emnest " moreovers." " I felt pretty certain you would say it," said Mr. Truesdaile. " Is n't there some proverb about keeping one's dish right side up. After all, something to receive in, and held open, up ward, is the providing. Even a prayer is less a speaking than a looking up and listening to hear what God will say. There were six water pots set, with water ; when they drew out, behold there was wine ; for the Word had passed upon it." He seemed to let it drop, there. We all sat still again, for quite a little time ; then, quite in an every-day way, Mr. Trues daile addressed himself to Mrs. Regis. " You have some new book there ? " he asked. " Only ' Heidelberg.' A very old one. I confess," she said, with that charming directness which at once acknowledges and absolves a shortcoming, " that my thoughts to-day are very much upon my journeyings, and my great wish for a little bit of Germany." Between her word and his answer, in a flash of time, there rushed through my thought in a connected unconnection, " General Rushleigh, the friend he was to meet, Heidel berg ; it will certainly turn out somehow that she goes there, and first." " Well, we were not bound together. I had shrunk from having my first vision of the Alps with her ; and yet My eye fell on Margaret, who apparently did not notice. Some thing did bind me, so that I was a great deal more unwilling than I had fancied, to have this happen. " It is such a good thing," said Mr. Truesdaile, " that we can- FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE. 139 not bind ourselves rigidly with our plans, try as hard as we may ; or settle everything beforehand. Something is sure to unsettle, and to shake into a better shape than we had intended. And if a thing is really good, sooner or later we get it. So that we can take our Sundays, the days when we let it rest, or have to wait, in great peace, Mrs. Regis. Did you ever notice how apt matters are to look at you with quite fresh faces, and show quite new possibilities and relations, on a Monday morning ? I have wondered sometimes if that were not, in the deep philosophy of things, chiefly what the pause was put for, the Sabbath that was made for man. Certainly, nothing ever stands still ; because the Father worketh. What looks like wait ing, is leaving time for the chemistries of change. Did you ever put away a letter that you found it hard to write, or a book that was hard to understand, in the very middle of a sentence or a page ? " " And find it straightened out next time ? Yes, indeed," said Mrs. Regis. " I don't think there is any miracle much greater than that." " I do not think so either," returned Mr. Truesdaile. She rolled up her book in her hands, and rested them with it upon her knees, looking into his face. She had said something herself, she had put forth something, to which he simply assented, as if it needed nothing more. The conversation become conversation interested her. " I always say to myself then," he began again, u it is Satur day night, for this thing. Let the world turn round again, and make a Sunday between, and I will come after it, and see." " Did you ever hear," said Mrs. Regis, " of making butter by burying the cream, using the globe itself for a great churn ? For that is what the people say of it, that the earth turns it, by its own turning. You make me think of that." Emery Ann whispered to me, " He 'd make anybody think of something." I remembered the Spirit, that " quickeneth whom it will." " I believe I had it in my own mind, dimly, and could not recollect what it was. Thank you, Mrs. Regis. Does not that join itself to the sign of Jonah ? A burial a disappearance 140 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. a blank and a giving again ? There shall no sign be given it but that sign. How the voice rings the sentence into all our lives ! And yet, what a blessing upon all waiting, that the Lord made this day ! " He took off his cap again, and lifted his head up to the air and shine, the great sphere of the day above and about him. I saw Margaret drop her pencil into her lap, and put the fingers of both her hands across her forehead, listening. " Why does n't he come to this child ? " I thought to myself. As if the Lord were sending him round with bread and wine, and he were going to miss one of the little ones that needed it. I say, sending him round, and he had not moved from his place. Mrs. Regis was a little above and behind him, on the outer edge of our group ; he had only turned himself upon his elbow toward her and addressed his question which grew into this talk that I thought she ought to put away as Mary put away the gold and frankincense that the kings brought to the child. He gives as the kings give ; to that which is but barely born, perhaps, but which is to be the power of Life. I wonder if it is not possible that I drew, with my own thought, his to Margaret Regis? There is a great mystery of the will, which mesmerism and spiritism make no science of. When I was a little girl there was a tree in the orchard, you remember it, Rose, that bore beautiful, early, red-streaked, spicy summer apples. I was uot allowed to beat down the fruit, but I might pick up any that dropped beneath. I went down one day and searched without success in the deep, warm grass, and then I looked up to a bough on which, at the very end, hung a round, perfect, crimson, shining apple, that almost quivered on its stalk for ripeness, I thought, as the faint breath of wind stirred the twig. " I wish it would tumble right down, this very minute," I said aloud ; and then a great shock went suddenly through me, for plumb to the ground, at my very feet, shooting a red line through the air, as it came, fell the apple at my word. I never got over it. I have been less daring in my wishes ever since. I sat looking at Margaret, who looked at the sea. She was down upon the lower edge of our little party, as her step-mother FANCY-MAIL : AND HALDON HOUSE. 141 was above us. I was in a line between the two, nearer to each than anybody else was, and able to catch with the one ear what one might speak, and with the other what the other. So I stayed ; for not having put myself there on purpose, I thought I was put, and might stay, since they all knew it. Mr. Truesdaile shook himself upright with a sudden movement as I said to myself, " Why does n't he come to this child ? " and came down. As when the red apple fell, I was startled by the instant gravitating to my will. " Now if she will only speak ! " I thought. I might have been the fisherman's wife in the story, sending her wishes down to the sea. For the sea shone and smiled, and something gave me my wishes as fast as I made them. Mr. Truesdaile dropped himself into a little hollow just below Margaret's feet, a little at one side. I do not believe he would have crossed her line of forward vision, or blotted from her for one instant that beauty before which we all sat, our faces all one inevitable way. It would have been, in the large, what crossing past the fire-shine is in the small. But I suppose she turned her head a little at his coming, as was natural, and I suppose she felt the " gift of God " when she saw what might look ready in his face ; for I heard her say, hardly to him, but as if his presence troubled her thought gently to words, " How hard it is to write yesterday's letter to day ! " " Because there is to-day's letter to read ! " he answered. " I am not sure that I am reading," said Margaret. Her honesty forced her into speech, for she knew what lumi nous text he saw, and what he might fancy of her eyes intent upon the page. It put me in memory of the " Give me to drink," and the " Thou a Jew, of whom is the salvation, and I a Samaritan ! " " Maybe not," said Mr. Truesdaile. " It is more like the children looking at pictures. That is God's way of showing, like the mother's, sometimes. Afterwards, He ' tells us the reading.' " Margaret spoke, abruptly. " Why, when the best of one feels some chance of being 142 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. happy, must the smallest of one take that very time to be miserablest ? " She spoke with the grammar of a little child, out of a child's simpleness, and pain, and craving. " It is a good thing you do not say ' worst.' People are so apt to mistake the ' smallest ' for that." " But if it grow ? " "It isn't meant to grow, exactly, in itself. It is often some thing that will soon be done with, like the temporary parts of plants. It has the sentence of death in itself. That is why you feel it small. It is cramping the large, real growing." " It might not be that," said Margaret, sadly. " I have seen a plant growing between stones, like Picciola." And then she smiled a little. " I do not mean," she resumed quickly, " where people them selves are planted, exactly." Here showed that finer tact, of which I believe Margaret ca pable. She would not have her word attributed to any sense of pressure from her ordinary, obvious relations. She was keenly delicate of her step-daughtership. " It may be the things in one," she said, " that should grow, but that find themselves ' sown among the stones ' you know. I suppose it is our own doing often, that the stones are there." " I wonder how far, or to what use, we could go in metaphor," said Mr. Truesdaile, smiling. " I suppose you mean, maybe, that we make certain circumstances for ourselves, and then find they hinder us." Margaret flashed a look round at him of which I caught the side sight. Was he a mind-reader, a second-seer ? How did he know ? That was what the look seemed to say. But perhaps it occurred to her, as it did to me, that if he had known, he would scarcely have alluded so unhesitatingly. The keen question subsided out of her eyes, I could not half see them, but the rest of her face told how her eyes were looking, under their dark lashes and their " level fronting lids," and she said quietly, " Yes. Are n't we making circumstances all the time, and mistakes in making them ? And then we have to take ourselves as we are ; there is no going back. "What a FANCY-MAIL: AND HALDON HOUSE. 143 enarl it is ! I don't see, Mr. Truesdaile, why so much was left to us." She added these words in a different tone, as if scarcely ven turing them. There was a certain hardness also in the voice, though lo"wered, as of a constraint broken through unwillingly by strong impulse, and tightened again about herself in the very speaking. "No going back into the snarl; no. That would never unravel it. But forward is out of it, if we go the way we are led. When once we put our hands in His, Miss Margaret ! " " I cannot understand. Other people are being led, too. Our snarls cannot concern only ourselves. We have no right to break through them." " Did I say ' break through ? ' Did you ever hold a skein of silk for your mother to untangle ? " Margaret sat silent. Her brows settled suddenly, like a cloud. He felt his way quickly out of that blind turn. ' We are falling into metaphor again," he said. " There is something more direct. Let us take that. ' Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right ? ' " " Do you think He will set these things straight, when we have made if we have made them crooked ? " " It was what He came for. ' To make the crooked straight.' To judge the earth in righteousness." "But that^is the great Judgment. The Judgment when it will be too late. In which we are to take what we have earned." " If it were too late, there could not be any judgment. Per haps you have got the wrong word into your jnind. Are you not thinking of sentence, penalty, instead of judg ment ? " Margaret raised an . earnest look at him. " Is n't it what judgment is for, to pass sentence ? " " I do not think it is. I think it is to justify." " Wrong-doing ? " She spoke the word with an italicising of amazement. " Yes." Margaret positively stared at him. I thought I knew what 144 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. was coming, for I have had the same feeling about that word. It has been one of my " dark lanterns " in the Scripture. " Suppose we say 'adjust ' instead of 'justify ' the wrong ? And suppose we need not think of a by-and-by judgment, that might be too late, but of a Now, which is always the accepted time, and the day of salvation ? " Some light, like a clear dawn, softly rose up in her face. " How easy that would make life ! " she sighed ; and her eyes fell down out of their surprise into a sweet, momentary rest. " It does. It is the Gospel of good news. The ' believe and be saved, and behold the glory.' The glory begins, however faintly, in the very moment with the believing ; and it shines more and more, into the full, perfect day. The day when every thing shall stand in its right light, 'justified.' " " And what becomes of the by-and-by Judgment, then ? " " I don't know that that is any matter, so long as God has his way." " Don't you believe in any retribution ? ' r " We shall have to come to definitions again. What is ' retri bution ? ' Though it is a man's word, after all. I do not know of it in the Bible, where men have supposed they got it. What does it stand for, however, as a dictionary word ? " Margaret bethought herself of her Latin. " For ' paying back,' does n't it ? " she said. "And who pays back? Is it God, who tells us not to rec ompense evil with evil, who means to ' pay us off,' as angry men threaten ? " " I don't know. Is n't there a good deal about it ? Render ing to every one according to his deeds, and receiving the things done in the body ? " " I think we should come by those words, if we followed them, as by a separate thread to the same centre. Or rather, we should find we had taken up the same thread by another loop. Let us trace out the ' paying back.' ' Verily, I say unto thee, Thou shalt not come out thence till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.' Is n't that our paying back, which is just what God wants of us, and which when He has brought us to it, is our salvation ? Begun and perfected as soon and as fast as we pay ? " FANCY-MAIL: AND HALDON HOUSE. 145 " But there it is, in those very words, the no escaping what we have done. ' Ye shall by no means come out.' You put me right back where I was r Mr. Truesdaile." " ' Until ' " Mr. Truesdaile repeated. " And God knows what the uttermost farthing is, and when we have paid it. He says also, he will ' save to the uttermost.' The paying is just the putting it all into his hands. That is the ' imputed righteous ness.' That is the whole remission and redemption. A re demption beginning now, and reaching on to the utter most, from the very things we have otherwise brought upon ourselves." Margaret sighed. " After all, it was not the last Judgment that was troubling me," she said. I was glad to hear those words. They were drifting into theologies, questions which to be sure include all questions, but losing, I was afraid, what Margaret, in her present need, was feeling after. This young girl, with her pure life behind her, was not trembling at the Great Final Judgment. " I know," said Mr. Truesdaile. " But the present justifying. "What I say is that they are one and the same. And that it is all a setting right. And that it only hurts so far as we set ourselves against it." " If we could only know which, what, we were to set ourselves against, or for. That is the way it hurts some times." Margaret was sufficiently enigmatical. But the wonder was she spoke at all. Mr. Truesdaile was used to giving the message that came by him, over the wires of the heavenly telegraph, whether he knew precisely to what the words were linked or not. " You said ' if,' a little way back in our talk. I noticed that, and laid it up. ' If we have made things crooked.' When we are not quite sure about that, the thing we have to do some times is, to take no new act that can possibly be wrong, and to wait until we see. ' Shun evil as sin, and look to the Lord,' Swedenborg says. That is the beginning of the straighten ing." A few minutes after that, Margaret said to Mr. Truesdaile, 10 146 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. " I wish I could get away home, to Haldon House, with out any commotion." Mr. Truesdaile got up, turned round to her, and gave her his hand, and helped her to her feet. " Let us walk over the down a little," he said. And they moved away quietly together, just as the Arm strongs came back toward us from their little saunter. They passed up over the fell, and disappeared beyond the farther slope. Ten minutes afterwards, Mr. Truesdaile returned alone. " Miss Margaret was a little tired," he said to Mrs. Regis. " She thought she would not come down again. I took her across a nearer way, and left her at the foot of the garden." " Margaret is so exceedingly capricious," Mrs. Regis" said to me, an hour later, as we were all walking back, the long way, above the edge of the town. " She wants continual excitement. She was radiant the day of the coach-ride to Tunbridge. And to-day she is all down again. She cannot endure repose." " Excuse me," I answered. " I do not think so. I think repose is just what she is after. The world is beginning to look serious to her. Now and then, perhaps, she rather vio lently persuades .herself that all is right, and she is having a perfectly good time. I have done the same thing myself, thirty years ago." Mrs. Regis looked absolutely uncomprehending. " I cannot understand people," she said, " if I must go back thirty years to do it. Thirty years rubs out a great deal." " If that is all, I wonder what the thirty years are good for ! " No. I did not say it. I kept it to myself. THE LORD WARDEN AT DOVER. 147 CHAPTER XIV. THE LORD WARDEN AT DOVER. .... WE left for Dover the middle-of the week. After the home-life with the Truesdailes, the great Lord Warden Hotel, with its crowd of strangers, its ceremony of tables and long orders, its regiment of solemn waiters in black dress-coats and white neckcloths, gentlemen in orders one might very inno cently call them, seemed cold, hard, homesick. Emery Ann said that every time they brought her a bit of bread, she felt as if they were going to say, " Dust to dust, ashes to ashes ! " But the dining-room looked out upon the pier and the white surf-line of the Channel ; and the long glazed corridor through which we passed to our rooms was directly over the beach upon which the waves broke in musical, low thunder ; and our rooms themselves were on the Castle side, whose worn ramparts, time- mouthed, like those of Hastings, but kept in service and repair, we could see beyond the roofs of the curious old town, crowning the white cliff; the very front of England, set watchful and firm, toward the other nations, across the narrow strait of Saint George. I was a great deal too tired to go over it, or even to it ; but the others did ; and somehow, now I was here, and could sit and look at it, and hear their story about its walls and towers, and galleries, and loop-holes, and armories ; its relics of lances and pikes and flags, and Queen Elizabeth's Cannon, which like many an old weapon, of arms or argument, tremendous in its day, could not be lired off now without firing it to pieces, I was very content to realize it so. I do not mean to fret about the things I cannot do in Europe, any more than I should have fretted if I never could have come. I may think of them by and by, wishfully ; but so I used to 148 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. think, when I was a child, of the nice things at yesterday's party which I could not eat. I shall remember that, and know that this is as childish. Edith needed rest as much as I ; though her girlish enthu siasm took her to the old Castle. After that, we settled down very much together, to our resting and our writing. During the five days that we waited here, I brought forward my story to you from the middle of our London visit to our leaving Hast ings ; as you will find by dates and details. Mrs. Regis was more ready to assent to the delay than I had expected when I proposed it. She said Dover was the jump- in g-off place, and it was a comfortable spot to take the look from before we leaped. Many travelers were coming and going ; we had encoun tered already several of our old ship-acquaintances, en route for various points on the Continent. I felt as if Mrs. Regis had not quite settled her mind about immediate plans, and that I should not be surprised any day if she and Margaret were to leave us and choose some other route into Switzerland. For our part, we three were all very thankful for the pause. One feels that little halts are needed ; little breaks in the fierce impulse of this foreign travel. The wheels heat, you know, with constant motion. Do you remember the old " Boston days ? " When we went into the city shopping, and rushed through four, or five, or even seven hours of crowding and counter-dodging, holding on to the thread of our errands with the last grasp of reason, and on to our accumulated packages with our " crazy-bones ? " I am sure if this procession from place to place, and this tying up of good times into mental white parcels, without any chance to sort or look at them, or to remember what we had got, were to go on without intermission, I should feel as if Europe were one great, feverish, frantic " Boston day," from which I could not get back. I want to make a home and an end, now and then, to stagnate a bit in, and start afresh from. Emery Ann says : " You can't play tag continual, without a gool to run to ! " Emery Ann was perfectly happy in an established seat at a cor ner window, making burlaps covers for our new basket trunks. THE LORD WARDEN AT DOVER. 149 Also, we had set up a " cupboard," in a bureau with deep drawers. We used to go down into Snargate Street, that queer, narrow, ancient thoroughfare of tiny shops with low door ways and overhanging second stories, and signs swinging close above people's heads, and buy biscuits and buns, and baskets of raspberries, and little pots of delicious Scotch marmalade, and actually little bits of boxes of fresh butter, for we ordered " a la carte " at the Lord Warden, and paid " carte blanche" and we made our own little lunches and suppers, at the remnants of which the funereal gentleman who took them away looked as if he were officiating at a ceremony slightly out of his grand and exclusive line of business. But if we could n't be independ ent, what was the use of having come from the Land of the Declaration ? Margaret came and sat with me one afternoon, when all the rest were gone out. She brought a box* full of ribbons and gloves and little trinkets of apparel and ornament, to look over and " pack." As she rolled and fastened and placed, she asked me suddenly, " Why should n't one have ups and downs, Miss Patience, as the tide does ? Is n't it the only way to keep the sea-level,, as the world goes round ? " " I suppose we must have ups and downs, apparently," I answered, " until we get where there is no more sea. Only the true ups and downs, you know, are a really steady following" " Of the light set to rule the night," Margaret said, taking my thought and finishing it, as I should hardly have expected. " I like that," she went on, " You always do put nice things into one's head, Miss Patience. Mamma is right, though ; I am very inconsistent. I cannot keep the same mood or mind. There are so many sides to everything, People allow two ; and yet they won't let you go back and forth to look at them, without making an outcry at you of fickleness, and not know ing what you want. They seem to think that is the most aw ful charge, " the very unpardonable sin. As if anybody ever did know what they wanted." " I suppose when we have found that out, our errand is done," said I. 150 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. "And we can go home," Margaret rejoined, not lightly The girl takes one up wonderfully. We think we have a great deal to teach these young ones, out of our experience ; we for get in what deep soundings of their own they may be at the very time. " I don't think it is such a very grand virtue to be ' decided,' " said Margaret. " But one wants to feel sincere" " Sincerity is not always mere consistency," I replied. u A very honest, earnest looking at both sides, as you call it, may show like vacillation for a good while, but the act will at last be true. There is a kind of decision which comes of limitation and tenacity ; seeing only one side, and hanging on to it." " Mr. Truesdaile helped me," she said, gently, " to one thing. To do nothing, ' from this out,' as the Irish say, that is not just, certain true. Then he says it will all straighten itself. No, be straightened. But one can't help thinking how. And sometimes it looks all right, and then again all wrong. At least it has. Oh, Miss Patience, if people did n't try to be Provi dence for you ! I suppose papa thought he was doing the best. But it is just a block between mamma and me, and always will be. I won't be a good child for what I can get ! " She took it for granted I knew what everybody had talked of ; and I made no pretense of not knowing. " Can't you set all that quite aside, and do the true thing, as if there were no conditions ? " " No. For the conditions alter everything. They make it that I have no mother to go to, in the first place; only a mamma, a guardian," she said, with a pathetic little humor. " I might like her very well, if it was n't for my interest to. And I might be surer of what other people mean, if it was n't for conditions. The only thing I am sure of, is that I am letting people wait, for what the waiting makes me feel bound to, and yet " She wanted some one to talk to, poor child ; and she found it so hard to talk ! Many girls in her place would have made a girl-friend. like my Edith, perhaps, and told all their secrets to her ; but Margaret and Edith were not girls to chat ter like that. She wanted a mother. THE LORD WARDEN AT DOVER. 151 I wonder if she felt something of your dear nearness, through me, raotherdie, that made me seem motherly ! " A long waiting may prove much on both parts," I ven tured, just to let her see that I understood, without very many explicit words, more than for any great help or wisdom I felt myself in what I uttered. " If it had only been to lose it altogether at any time ! There would have been some proving by that. But seven years waiting! How can you be sure which it means most of? I wonder if it ever occurred to Rachel to be jealous of those flocks and herds that utilized the waiting ? And it was Leah he got, after all. Rachel won't always turn out Rachel, at the end of seven years. And a girl can't ask a man to marry her sooner ! " " Not if Jacob is too cheerfully resigned," I thought to my self. I began to have a little insight of what was the matter. It does not take deep reading to spell over a young fellow like Harry Mackenzie. Living on the surface of life ; born to soft things ; waiting in a taking-for-granted manner for more soft things to be assured to him ; never "visited with a sugges tion whether it would not be possible and manly to take hold of hard things and build with them ; hampered, just as girls are hampered, who have to take the chief blame for the modern iufrequency of marriage, with all sorts of little selfish, gentle manly habits, which the " governor " pays for now, but won't when the term of his administration is ended ; just as much tempted to think of money in marrying, for his own sake, as the girl is ; not growing a single spiritual inch, for not putting forth his powers as a man should ; just amiably Micawbering along, and most Micawberly devoted to somebody he would like welj enough to marry when the time comes and things " turn up ; " meanwhile the princess-nature of some Margaret growing as a girl's nature does grow ivy-fashion, with rootlets that put forth along every stem of her being, whether they find anything outside of them to lay hold of or not, was not here a clew to just such an experience, setting aside all peculiarity of circumstance, as was making between these two ? While I thought this over, Margaret, maybe, was thinking that her half incoherent allusions were either more or less than 152 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. they should be, if she would withhold or give the confidence that began to ache in her. " You know," she said, breaking the pause with a quiet straightforwardness, " that mamma does not want me to hold myself as engaged to Harry Mackenzie." " Do you want to ? " I asked, with as sudden a straightfor wardness that came from I know not where. It reached her unexpectedly. But after the first uplifting of her eyelids in surprise, I could see that she was glad that we had come to something plain and real. " Perhaps it is just the difference between wish and want," she said. " I mean it. I have let him believe I would, ever since I was sixteen. And I might want it, wholly, if he were just a little more what he might be. But I think this waiting is keeping him a boy. I could n't care for a boy all my life, Miss Patience ! " " Why don't you tell him so ? " Her eyes opened again. I do not know exactly what possessed me ; but these short, abrupt, outright questions were all that would come ; and they were spoken almost before I knew. For an instant, an idea seemed to lighten in her face ; the perception of something real that she might be to him, instead of merely the nice, pretty girl that he liked best to be with ; of an intercourse, that taking hold at once of the verities between them, should develop, if not what her " might be " indicated, then what was meant to be ; that should prove and settle on the true, living grounds. But the shade came back again as she said, "I am cornered with those seven years, and because I cannot be in a hurry. Besides, I don't think I could train him up, and then marry him ! I want him to be. And I'm just as bad and false as I can be to say these things, for he is nice, and I 've always liked him, and he cares for me ! And I won't give him up because of those nasty conditions. I 've picked that word up here in England," she added, with a short, excited little laugh. She would not " desert " him. It was precisely the feminine correlative of the Micawber type. THE LORD WARDEN AT DOVER. 153 " But in the mean time," I said, " if you are anything to each other, it is something deeper than regards just the things you are to have and enjoy together by arid by ; it must relate to what you are. Try him with your own best, Margaret. Don't give him little pieces. Be yourself to him, at any rate. If that is not Rachel, but Leah, to him, let the years show. Of the truth, the truth comes." I felt I was getting dreadfully sententious, and that there was something that might lie also in the seven years that neither of us touched upon. " Be yourself to yourself," I hurried on. " Live your life, and be honest with it to him. Let it tell its own story. Don't base all your letters, all your words, on a foregone conclusion. Don't send a letter, or say a word, that is not, as you said just now, 'just certain true.' Don't hold out to him what you have not for him. And if you find " I paused on these words, for they felt heavily responsible upon my lips " that the under standing between you is a fetter, that it troubles, hinders, perplexes you, tell him that." " It is what Mr. Truesdaile said ; only you apply it for me. I told you I wanted a mother, to go to." She kissed me, and went away. Am I breaking sacredness to you, Rose ? I, too, must have my helps to go to. I do not always need an answer back. It is a help to me, just saying things over to you ; as it was, as it is, to motherdie ! Only mother is at my heart, now ; and I need n't go to her with slow words ; yet, while we are outside, in the slowness, the words "justify." I think breaking a confidence is flinging it where it ought not to go. If any one gives it to me, it is not, I take it, just to hold fast ; it is for some heart-burying which shall circulate it through my life,'to get whatever breath of life upon it the rest of me may get, and to come back from it sweetened, lightened, sifted somehow of its doubt or trouble. I think it is like the silent that the Master will come for again, asking for that which has grown of it to meet a fresh, a larger demand. I think the angels who minister into our lives, may have a 154 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. confidence up there with each other about us, which is not be trayal, and which we should not resent. Not that we are the angels, Rose ! Only the angels' copyists. This is one of the things, however, for which we must pray that we may u have a right judgment in all things ; " and then be sure not to act on the first little uncertain impulse instead of judgment which comes. I am pretty certain that Margaret sent back no letter to America from either Hastings or Dover. REALLY ABROAD. 155 CHAPTER XV. REALLY ABROAD. .... THE Channel is a great gulf to cross, after all. Over that, you are out of country, lineage, and language, from which the ocean had not separated you. I begin to understand the English word " abroad." I might have understood it before. It is not the day's sailing that you are away, that divides from anything. We had a bright morning to cross in ; and not a very bad sea, though it was rough enough. We were very proud of not being seasick. Our exemptive malady was too recent. We had not outgrown our protection. We stood, atilt upon the rocking deck, enjoying the swaying and founding as the birds enjoy the springing of the boughs. The change and excitement, the vague, glad anticipation, were good for us. I happened to know how good they were for Margaret. It is such a blessed thing that living is very un like romancing. There are such long, sweet, breezy chapters between the feverish points ; the commonplace rests and re freshes us so. The delights poured in upon us, whether we will or not almost, through so many channels quite independent of that which is shut or morbidly preoccupied, minister to us such unexpected vitalities to contend with our disease. We are forced, for the greater part, to breathe a diluted air instead of the fierce, unqualified oxygen that would burn us up. How tenderly denial itself wraps us round with safety, delay is counted out with comforts ! I fancy the chief harm in novels is the elimination of all the gentle, protective medium, and the concentration of the intense. If I were writing a story, Rose, don't laugh ; there is a 3tory, I know, in everything; but if I were making one, I 156 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. would make places in it to catch breath. As they leave air holes in long tunnels. " ' Here is land,' " I said to Edith. " ' The ship is sailing up to it. It is a country. It is France. We will go on shore.' " Edith laughed. " ' There are trees ; and houses. There are men upon the land. Are they Frenchmen ? ' ' " What are you saying ? " exclaimed Mrs. Regis, who had not been brought up, I suppose, on Barbauld. " We are doing map questions in ' Easy Lessons,' " replied Edith, who had always delighted in the old-fashioned story books she could rummage out of the ancient secretary at the Farm; and who knew Mrs. Barbauld by heart. Which does not mean by rote, either ; for I dare say neither of us recol lected the precise words. But that sublime creature in police uniform, standing on the pier above the gangway, directing the crowd and talking two languages indiscriminately, beginning a sentence in French and ending it in English as his audience filed along, and he descried unerringly the nationality of each successive comer, was never mentioned in Barbauld. I should not think he belonged in easy lessons, certainly. Not any more than the steam- sailing which connected our little " walk " from rim to rim of England with our coming " promenade " across the champagnes of France. We were overpowered and made to feel small at the very outset. We were sure we could never smatter like that. They did not wait for our tardy French. They put us along, somehow, upon the right track, and into the right train. We found ourselves separated in two compartments of the carriage ; for in the embarrassments of " P re >" " H ifem( v' " Pour dames seules," " Pour fumer " and " Defense a fumer," we ran up and down until every one was partly filled, and we had to jump in as we could. Edith, and Emery Ann, and I, found ourselves in company with an old French gentleman and lady, a young French girl traveling by herself, and a stiff, silent young Englishman, who might be a " milord " for all we knew. REALLY ABROAD. 157 The foreigners I mean the natives were voluble. We O listened meekly, subduedly ; and made our first trial whether we had ears to hear or not. Their command of their own language was imposing. We forgot that we could astonish them as much in English. We neglected our own weapons. For my part I grew restlessly ambitious, as I did when I stood by my grandmother while she showed me how to knit. " Click ! click ! " went the needles. " Let me try ! " I exclaimed, fired by their motions as if they had struck sparks. " Let me try," was in my mind now, " even if I drop all the stitches ! " So, suddenly, after long, weary silence, to the amazement and almost dismay of Edith, I broke forth and spoke. It was when we had stopped at some still, sleepy, sunny way-station, where doors had been flung open and passengers had alighted. The young Englishman was out, pacing the platform. I think I made an essay in this wise, after a little careful mental preparation ; addressing myself to the elderly dame be side me : " Combien de temps, madame, s'il vous plait, est-ce qu'on s'arrete ici ? " (Tf the right mistakes, I mean the ones I made then, are not there, there are others that will do as well.) " Sept minutes, madame," was the reply. " Merci, madame." She had understood me, at any rate. I hope I was not un- christianly puffed up, as I sat back in my corner and came wisely to an end ; but I had a slight sensation such as I im agine one might feel who had just opened a successful commu nication with the planet Mars. " How did you dare ? " asked Edith, who is almost as reti cent of her French in public, as she would be of her prayers. " I did n't," I answered ; " but I thought it must come some time ; and I wanted to see if I could. Pray keep on talking now, if you can ; I am dreadfully afraid she will say something of her own accord." But the old Frenchman and the young Englishman got in again ; a new way passenger filled up the one vacant seat, and the train moved on. 158 SIGHTS AND INSIGHTS. It was a great deal worse at Paris. There I really had to talk, and be talked to, which is so infinitely more tremendous. We were claiming our luggage, and submitting to the Dou- ane inspection. (What a good, old-womanish name that is for the petty, tyrannical surveillance which is nevertheless, like the duenna's watchfulness, always evaded !) A certain portmanteau, belonging to our division of the party, was missing. We had seen it on the Dover boat. The hotel porter had brought it to us, and we had told him it was to go with the luggage. Consequently, as we found afterward, it had not been registered. " II manque encore une piece," I told the officer. " Un port manteau, brun, jaune, comme