THE 
 
 REVELATIONS OF AN 
 ORDERLY, 
 
 AN ATTEMPT TO EXPOSE THE ABUSES OF ADMINISTRATION 
 
 BY THE RELATION OF EVERY-DAY OCCURRENCES 
 
 IN TflE MOFUSSIL COURTS. 
 
 PANCHKOUREE KHAN 
 
 CALCUTTA : 
 
 EK-PKINTED BY J. F. BELLAMY, EXGLISHMAX PRESS. 
 
 1857. 
 
 1599503
 
 P R E F ACE. 
 
 The following pages were originally written for and pub- 
 lished in the " Benares Recorder."" The object of the writer 
 was to state in simple language, facts that had come under 
 his own observation ; and to expose abuses in the sub- 
 ordinate administration of the Courts, that are universally 
 acknowledged to exist. A varied experience of twenty-one 
 years in different departments of the government service, 
 had given him some insight into the native character ; and 
 he was* desirous of shewing the public in general and young 
 officials in particular, the several modes that the natives have 
 of " throwing dust" in the eyes, of their European superiors. 
 
 The writer was also desirous of pointing out to the 
 authorities a few of the weak points of the system of Policy 
 and Revenue. He could not presume to do this in his own 
 person ; and he made use of the fictitious agency of " an 
 Orderly," to relate his own varied, experience. 
 
 The writer of these pages once for all, begs leave to state, 
 that nothing tending to the personal disparagement of any 
 individual, was intended. He earnestly hopes that no 
 offence has been taken at any of his remarks ; and he throws 
 himself upon the indulgence of the public, in once more 
 intruding on their notice.
 
 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 REVELATIONS 'RESPECTING THE POLICE, 
 MAGISTRACY, & CRIMINAL COURTS. 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 
 SUXTOKHEA SINGH EXPLAINS TO 1'ANCIIKOUREE THE CAUSES 
 OF HIS PROSPERITY. 
 
 Some three years ago my friend Suntokhea was a poor devil 
 of an Oomedwar ;* and having a friend at the back-stairs he suc- 
 ceeded in being appointed an orderly of the Huzoor Magistrate 
 Bahadoor. Having returned to my home, after a fruitless wander- 
 ing in search of employment, I thought of my quondam friend 
 and townsman, and proceeded to visit him at once. AVhen I 
 saw him I could scarcely credit my eyes ; instead of the squalid 
 mud-hut, roofed with coarse reeds, there had arisen a comely 
 brick mansion ; and instead of my friend Suntokhea being hag- 
 gard and hungry -looking, I saw a respectable, sleek-bearded, 
 M usulman-lookiug stranger ; bearing indeed a sort of resem- 
 blance to my old acquaintance, but at the same time with such 
 an air of grandeur that I was afraid<,to address him. Involuntarily 
 1 joined my hands and salamed. But no notice was vouchsafed 
 me. Until happening to enquire wjiether my friend Suntokhea 
 were in existence, one of the party told me that Suntokhed-Singk^ 
 was. indeed, before me. Apologizing for my inadvertent rude- 
 ness, I tried to make myself obsequiously agreeable ; and every 
 body having left, my friend at length deigned to notice me and to 
 enquire- as to my adventures. 
 
 I satisfied my friend's curiosity, and taking advantage of his 
 complaisant mood, I begged of him to enlighten me as to the 
 ways and means by which he, once a poor Koonbcc.\ had 
 acquired so much substance ? He communicated as follows: 
 
 What a silly fool you must be my friend, to suppose I could 
 h&ve saved aught from my pay. As an orderly, I receive four 
 rupees a mouth. ^Tam expected to be smartly dressed, and to 
 be in constant -Attendance on the Huzoor; I must have something 
 to eat during the day, and I cannot come home to my wife for 
 my day meals. How then can I keep myself in decent clothing, 
 and feed myself, wife and children, on four rupees a mouth ? 
 
 f Expectant. f The usual affix to a Rajpoot' j nrmv:. Sing means a lion. 
 t A cultivator of a custe famous for its industry.
 
 2 REVELATIONS OF AX ORDERLY. 
 
 r ! o this 1 replied, that 1 was only the inure puzzled to find 
 out the secret of his system. That he could do nothing for any 
 suitor for justice ; nor could he bar access to the Huzoor.* 
 How then could one make money ? 
 
 My sapient friend, said Suntokhea, I was not aware that yon 
 were so green. We have scores of ways of making money, even 
 when our masters are vigilant and cautious, and vainly ima- 
 gine that because, forsooth, they take the- trouble to do the work 
 themselves, no person will give fees. I will describe some few 
 of the processes by which we receive money. 
 
 A great man's Mooktyar or Karindahf is sent by his master 
 to wait on the Huzoor. He is admitted into the entrance hall, 
 where he remains unnoticed for a couple of hours. To all his 
 prayers, to give intimation to the Huzoor of his presence, a deaf 
 ear is turned. Until fairly exhausted, the Karindah oners inc. 
 a rupee. This is spurned, and I ask him whether he thinks I 
 could possibly take one rupee ? The poor man, driven to des- 
 peration, offers me five rupees. On this I pocket the affront, 
 put on iny sweetest smile ; declare that he is a perfect ushraj\\ 
 and intimate to my- master, that such a one craves an inter- 
 view. Five rupees vou will say is but a small morsel. I allow 
 it ; but then these delicate bits come frequently. 
 
 Again, every rich native gentleman, who is in the habit of 
 visiting the " SuJi^ltcui Aleeshanj" fees us orderlies on every 
 festival. Suppose my gentleman becomes a non-conformist to 
 our rules, or is in any way inclined to be bumptious, he finds 
 that in the next visit he pays the Huzoor, his sm\ 
 remains unnoticed in the compound; or if he enters the entrance 
 room, no one will so much as give him a chair to sit upon. 
 If he becomes impatient, we 'recommend his going away us the 
 Huzoor is busy, and has positively prohibited iiitrii>ion. My 
 gentleman finds himself at a' non-plus ; and is glad' to compiv 
 by paying us all double fees, and giving a solemn promise of good 
 behaviour for the future. 
 
 But, said I, Suntokltea 8iyli, suppose one of these gents were 
 to inform the Huzoor of your tricks, how would you get out of 
 the scrape ? 
 
 "Why, replied he, nothing is easier. No man will dare to in- 
 form against his having given fees to the servants of the Iluzoor, 
 because he would criminate himself. He can merely complain of 
 useless detention. On this the Huzoor wigs us and desires us, 
 under pain of his displeasure, not to keep people waiting at 
 his door, without at once apprising him. Well, the next peopli- 
 that call, are at once ushered into the ' . whether the 
 
 Huzoor be busy or not . 1 1 is pi, -d, and he 
 
 scolds again for indiscriminate atl.nissiuii. To ilus we reply most 
 submissively, that we had the Jluzoor's own orders, 
 despairs of managing us. and we have our own way. 
 
 * Literally, t lie presence. + A.ttorn*y or represeBtatfre, oraaent. 
 
 J Gentleman. irncr, to the 
 
 dignitaries of the Brili ' ent. - '"f," 1 -
 
 MOOXSHF.I: j\-:i: >< ,iuoi> PAXCH;. 
 
 -.in, suppose a thnnadar does not purchase our favor ; nb- 
 thing is easier than getting him turned out. Of course we dare 
 not meddle directly ; but we watch our opportunity, and when 
 we find the Saheb idle, Ave talk in stage-whispers, and invent 
 some scandal or lie against the thanadar, which one tells to an- 
 other by wav of news. A second states, that he also has heard 
 such a story of the thanadar, and mentions it. A third says, 
 that the thanadar is :i nimukharam ;* for he abuses the Ma- 
 gistrate Saheb Bahadoor ; and says, he does not care for him, 
 so long as he do^s his duty. These whispers are overheard and 
 operate like slow p id on the occasion of the first irre- 
 
 gularity occurring, o :u-e (perhaps unconsciously) re- 
 
 membered against the unfortunate thanadar and he is suspended, 
 nine die which is in fact a discs' 
 
 I took leave of friend Suntokhea in admiration of his inventive 
 talents, fully resolved to fee him for his interest in getting a 
 berth as a Burra Saheb's orderly myself, when, should I succeed, 
 I may be able to withdraw the curtain which hides other mys- 
 teries. 
 
 LAP. II. 
 
 HOW Till: :OLS PAXCIIKOUREE 
 
 TO TIIK MODE OF PROCEEDING. 
 
 I promised to pay my quondam friend and present patron 
 fwo months' pay. on ; a chupprassf and before long 
 
 [ was recommended to the " Dipty Saheb," whose orderly I, in 
 duo course, became. 1 consoled myself with the reflection that 
 ere long I should get some small pickings, which would amount 
 in the aggregate to something comfortable. But several weeks 
 d. and I found I could pocket nothing ; for none but 
 petty matters were tried by my master. In despair I con- 
 suited Suntokhea once more. 
 
 What a simpleton you are, friend Panchkouree, to be in a fix 
 about such a trifle. The Deputy Saheb has the " Surasurreee" J 
 department. Where two parties contest a case, one must 
 lose. The gainer, as an established dit.<itoo)'. pays for the de- 
 cision in his favor. It is an undoubted prerogative of the Huzoor's 
 orderly to receive a fee, as also that of the Mohnrir.|| Thus a 
 double object is gained. You will get a daily fee of at least 4 or 
 8 annas ; and by and bye become the agent between the dccree- 
 flar*\\ and the Mohurir ; you will have the latter under your 
 thumb, and can compel him to improve your prospects. But, 
 said I, the Saheb is said to be sharp ; should he discover my inter- 
 
 * Unfaithful to ?;ut. an ingrato. + A badge. 
 
 J Summary De;>u-fn]ont for division of oases between landlord and tenant. 
 :-tr>m. Writer or Clerk. * r Decree holder.
 
 4 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 Jeitmce, lie will punisli me : on what pretext then shall I demand 
 a fee from the decreeilar. 
 
 Friend Panchkouree, replied Suutokhea, believe- me that your 
 Saheb is as blind a mole as the rest of them. How is he to dis- 
 cover anything ? The decrccdars, for their owu sake, will not tell 
 tales ; and one leaves the presence on so many occasions, that so 
 long as somebody is within hail, the absence for a few minutes, 
 of au orderly, is unnoticed. Ask boldly I am confident of the 
 result ; and do you not fail to give me part of your earnings. 
 
 Well, next day, as soon as a case was decided, I quietly sneaked 
 out of the room ; and following the decreedar, significantly held 
 out my palm. To my joy and surprise he slipped a rupee into 
 it, and whispered me to give the Moonshee his share. I thought 
 that bad luck would come of a division of such spoils, so I ut- 
 tered an alhumdulooUali ! /*" and stroking my beard entered 
 the presence with increased gravity. The same experiment was 
 repeatedly tried with varied success as to the amount : in no case 
 was I utterly disappointed. 
 
 After a few days the Moonshee called me to his house, and 
 asked me whether I had made any mojiey : I called the Prophet 
 to witness that nobody thought of offering me a cowrce. Friend, 
 he said, have I not seen thee follow out the decreedars ; surely 
 it was not without a purpose, and "without some result ? So 
 help me Allah, Moonshee Saheb, I answered, that I received 
 nothing but scurrilous abuse. Who am I that a zumeendar should 
 pay me aught ? The Moonshee, at length, told me that it was 
 established as an ancient rule, that whosoever gained a cause 
 should give a douceur to the Unilah. That in future I should de- 
 mand fees in the Moonshee Jee's name ; and that I should retain 
 one-fourth for myself and fellow chupprasees, and give him three- 
 fourths, for himself and his friends. This I readily agreed to, and 
 then the Moonshee Jee schooled me how I was to behave on 
 certain occasions which I proceed to describe. 
 
 Suppose an order is passed, caning for a Icyfeitft from the 
 Sheristah ;J nobody ever thinks of executing the order before the 
 lapse of a week at least. If the plaintiff be importunate, and the 
 saheb desire you to ascertain why the kyfeut has not been 
 written, you take the complainant out with you, and ask him 
 what he will give if you get the Icnfeut written at once ? The 
 poor wretch, tired of waiting for days, gladly offers a rupee. 
 You pocket it ; go to the Muhafiz-duftur, and say that the 
 Saheb has sent word, that if the order is not at once executed he 
 will be fined roundly. The matter is ended at once, and we 
 divide the spoil. If the party will not pay, you go and enquire 
 why the Ici/fcut is not written"? The answer is, that some impor- 
 tant papers are called for by a superior authority ; and the Muha- 
 fiz-duftur begs that the Huzoor will give him a few days' grace. 
 The harrassed litigant finds it cheaper to pay a rupee than to be 
 
 * Thanksgiving, praisrf to God. f Memorandum of report. 
 The native Iveeord-keqier. Kccord-keeper.
 
 A SHERIFF'S OFFICER. 5 
 
 kept cooling his heels at the court for weeks, and gives in at 
 last, paying his fees with interest. 
 
 Again, it is the established practice for a zumeendar to pay a 
 fee of one rupee for every jummabundee* that is filed in the office. 
 This is taken by the Muhafiz-duftur and Qanoongoes.f But, 
 friend Pauchkouree, it is cruelly hard that you and I should not 
 partake of the spoil. So look sharp ; and whenever you hear a 
 zumeendar complain to ihe Huzoor that his jummabundee, al- 
 though given in, has not been filed, try and make a bargain : go 
 and bully the Qanoongo and Muhafiz-duftur, as if with the Saheb's 
 Tiookoom.'l The zumeendar will fee you, and we will divide 
 like good friends. 
 
 Various hints did I receive and act upon ; and I need not say 
 that I not only made lots of money, but generally contrived 
 to keep the lion's share of the prey to myself. I was not satisfied, 
 however, with such small game ; and was resolved on the first op- 
 portunity to change my service, for one of greater emolument 
 and higher station. 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 HOW PANCHKOUREE MAKES MONEY, WHILE A 
 SHERIFF'S OFFICER, OR PROCESS SERVER. 
 
 Having solved the golden problem, and being fixed in my pur- 
 pose to build a pukka house and to possess some landed property, 
 I took the earliest opportunity of taking my conge, of the Uipty 
 Saheb, and being transferred to the staff of the lS"azir. Now 
 this official is the chief executive, and ]iis chuprasecs share in the 
 prestige of his name, as well as in the emoluments of his office. 
 Being a stranger, I of course, had the fag, without any of the 
 profits. But I was becoming quite a man of the world and a 
 practical philosopher, so I consoled myself with the reflection, 
 that when my kistmtf^ ordained it I should be as great a man 
 as my friend Suutokhea Singh. Most diligently did I do the 
 Nazir Saheb's bidding. Most assiduous was I in filling his 
 chillum ; bringing him water ; running after his palkee or garec, 
 until I fairly won his confidence, and was looked upon by all 
 persons as- his especial ia\ orite. 
 
 1 found that a deal of money was to be made and by tho 
 simplest process in the world. The Dipty Saheb issued a sum- 
 mons for the appearance of a petty defaulter of revenue. The 
 " tii.llul>una 9 t" is paid by the plaintiff but if he does not make 
 a " moamlali"** with us, the process is never served. Several 
 of these writs are entrusted to one man ; but the majority of 
 
 * Rent-roll. f Fi&al officers. J Order. Sheriff, ij Fat, 
 
 ^ Money for serving a process- ** Compromiser
 
 6 HE VENATIONS OF AN OHDERL*. 
 
 them are never out of the L-uiii/>uirbiiii<l*- of the chupra&ee 
 "When the period allowed for serving them has elapsed, a kyfeiit 
 is given in to the effect, that " the plaintiff would not indicate the 
 party named, and that, therefore, the serving of the process was 
 impossible." Perhaps the plaintiff protests that no chuprasee 
 ever went to the village. The Nazir is summoned. On being 
 spoken to, he sends for me, and sharply asks whether the sum- 
 mons was served or not ? I call the prophet to witness that 
 the plaintiff's allegation is a lie ; that I did go for three several 
 days, but that the plaintiff would not indicate the defendant. 
 Upon this, the Saheb issues a warrant of apprehension, which 
 is entrusted to me to execute, and the plaintiff not only pays the 
 tullubana a second time, but pays the piper, by feeing me round- 
 ly to apprehend the defaulter. 'But I shall relate another pro- 
 cess of making money and deceiving the Collector or Deputy. 
 Bulbhuddur Singh is purchaser of the rights and interests of 
 Duldhupput Misr intb.e village of Undhadhooud ; but what thes.e 
 rights may be, I do not pretend to know. He gets a deed of 
 possession from, the Civil Court and proceeds to the village to 
 collect his rents. He finds that Duld^hupput is one of the small 
 fry of proprietary brotherhood that has no direct concern in 
 the management of the Tillage, lie examines the Putwaree's 
 papers, and is puzzled to know what he has purchased. Most 
 men would content themselves with chewing the cud oi' resigna- 
 tion ; but Baboo Bulbhuddur Singh is a man of another stamp , 
 and he resolves on playing the artful dodger ; and picks out a 
 couple of needy asameesf who are not scrupulous as to truth. He 
 offers to pay them, five rupees each, if they will but appear be- 
 fore the Collector Saheb, and acknowledge that they are cultiva- 
 tors of Mouza Undhadhooud, and that Baboo Bulbhuddur is flu; 
 zemindar, and entitled to receive the revenue. "What is the 
 man driving at ? you enquire. Have patience and you will see. 
 
 Baboo Bulbhuddur presents a petition in the ' Surasurree' de- 
 partment, praying that Kamdeenooa Chumar and Purshunooa 
 Ahir be coerced to pay him two rupees each for five biswas of 
 land, cultivated by each in the village of TIndhadhoond. A Jciifent 
 is called for from the office, as to Avliether Baboo Bulbhuddur bo 
 zemindar ? The return is that ' he is auction purchaser, and that 
 his name is recorded in lieu of Puldhupput Misr.' A proc. 
 served against the defaulters Bamdeenqoa ami Duraihunooa ; 
 who having been paid, and schooled beforehand, appear before 
 the Huzoor and acknowledge the jusine^ of the claim, and 
 agree to pa}', if a little grace be vouchsafed. This is called 
 ' ekbaldawce^ and decree for the paintiff is ordered. 
 
 Some weeks afterwards, Baboo Bulbhuddur Singh proceeds 
 to the village of Undhadhoond to collect his rents. The zemin- 
 dars turn out and oppose him, and, perhaps, a serious affray is the 
 result. The Baboo now complains in the Fou/,daree A dalut for 
 forcible dispossession, under the provisions yf Act 4 of 1840, or 
 
 '"iiLst-band. f YiH.-i^w. 1 A'!>ni:...i"ii
 
 \ MIK1I1FFS OFFICER. 7 
 
 hs it i* oomnionly known Akut Chaharoom.' He refers to the 
 rase decided by the ' Dipty Salieb,' in which he obtained decree 
 for rent : he shews the order of the Civil Court for putting him 
 in possession. He cites Ramdeenooa and Durshunooa as wit- 
 nesses to his possession. He summons me to prove that when 
 I served the process against the a?amees, I observed that he was 
 in possession of Mouza Undhadhoond. And as he pays well, 
 and we have all sworn through thick and thin, the odds are that 
 Bulbhuddur Singh is ' ordered to be put in possession of the 
 property disputed.' Upon the strength of which lie manages, 
 gradually, to get the entire estate. 
 
 One day the Xazir was directed to oust a cultivator, who had a 
 large jote* in the village of Undhadhoond ; and previous to 
 deputing me, he took me aside and schooled me how I should act. 
 I made fifty rupees by this one job. and shall describe the Avhole 
 of the proceedings. If a landlord obtain a decree for rent 
 against an asamee, he may pray for a process of ouster, any time 
 within twelve years. The asamee is summoned. I am feed for 
 not serving process, and return the order Avitli a Jci/feut that the 
 defendant will not come put of his house is in short ' rooposJi.^ 
 The unfortunate cultivator is ordered to be dispossessed of his 
 fields for his contumacy. I go out with a force of peons and 
 uproot everything already grown by the cultivator ; and aid the 
 landlord in re-ploughing the fields. 
 
 Should the landlord imagine that he can carry out the Collector 
 8aheb's order without giving us fees; it gives us no concern. 
 \Ve make a bargain with the other party, and if the worst comes 
 to the worst on going out to put the landlord in possession, 
 we, instead of doing so, preten^l scruples of conscience as to 
 uprooting crops about to ripen and report to theSaheb, in awell- 
 got-up kyfeut, that the dec reed fir is a ' zalim'^ and a ' moofsidJi"^ 
 that Bulbhuddur Singh's reputation is so well-known to the 
 Huzoor, that it does not need for the slave to represent, &c. fcc., 
 and the asamee keeps possession of his field. 
 
 CHAP. IT. 
 HOW pArxriiKoriJEE GETS ox TO THE PAY LIST OF A 
 
 WEALTHY XATIYE. 
 
 I was directed by the Xazir, one day. to apprehend a revenue 
 defaulter, or to bring his principal Karindah before the Huzoor. 
 The defaulter was a NawabzadeK, and the apprehension of even 
 his steward would be looked upon as a disgrace. However the 
 Collector Saheb Bahadoor passed the order to the Xazir, and it' 
 was my province to obey orders. I proceeded at once to the 
 Xawab Saheb's house, with two other chuprasees, and present- 
 
 * Tillage. f In hiding. J Tyrant. Eascal.
 
 8 PANCHKOUItEE GETS ON THE PAY LIST. 
 
 ing the warrant, desired them to accompany us to the 
 We had a broad hint to quit, for the warrant was thrown back 
 to us, and a cry of " mar t mar 1 ''* raised, that induced us to bolt 
 in double-quick time; Next day a formidable kyfeut was given 
 in to the Huzoof. I had heard that the Karindtih was wont to 
 come daily to the Kacherree to consult the Sheristadar. I was 
 on the look out, and the moment he appeared 1 ran and informed 
 the JLuzoor, who at once ordered his apprehension. He was in 
 quod for three days j and his master soon paid the amount due by 
 him for his man's release. This was a grand moral lesson for 
 the Nawab Saheb ; and the next time he took care not to insult 
 people in power. But when I went to make my salam I was 
 gratified with a fee and promises for the future. 
 
 A fruitful iicld is the abkaree system, and the license granted 
 to opium and drug farmers to oppress the people, and screw 
 money out of them. I say license given, because they make use 
 of their farming license to be guilty of all kinds of villany. I was 
 directed one day to execute a search warrant for contraband 
 opium. The tlieeJcadar^ sent for me, made much of me, and put 
 five rupees into my hand. I asked no, questions, but knew very 
 well that I was expected to do something for my fee. Several of 
 the farmer's people accompanied me to the house to be searched. 
 I authoritatively called out to the owner of the house to admit 
 me to search for contraband opium. The man was a wealthy 
 Bunneah ; and appearing to be conscious of his innocence, at once 
 opened the door and admitted us. I saw one of the farmer's men 
 quietly deposit a bundle of something under some rubbish, and 
 after rummaging about he ferreted out his own bundle, which 
 he held up in triumph to us as the contraband opium we had been 
 desired to search for. The poor Bunneah was horror-stricken, 
 and appealed to me ; but having received a retainer I dared not 
 to defend the poor man. I sVorc he was a liar ; called out to the 
 witnesses, before whom the opium was taken out of the Btmneah's 
 house, to remember what they had seen and to depone to that ef- 
 fect before the Huzoor. The Bunneah in desperation offered me 
 fifty rupees to release him. But as I could not do so, after having 
 proceeded so far, I abused him and calling all persons to witness 
 that he had offered a bribe ; bundled him off to the Saheb Baha- 
 door. He was fined 100 rupees, of which one-fourth was carried 
 to the account of Government ; one half was given to the 
 farmer's people, and the remaining fourth was bestowed on me. 
 
 I thought this plan of making money was an admirable one ; 
 but was resolved to try whether more money, could be made by 
 siding against the theekadar instead of with him. I had not 
 long to wait, when an order was passed by the Dipty Saheb to 
 search the house of a well-known courtezan. The theekadar 
 sent forme ; but 1 woiild not go ; and during the night I paid 
 a visit to Madame Dilfo/reb } $ she received me haughtily ; but I 
 
 * Ikat. t Farmer, J Proper name Euticcr of the heart
 
 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 | 
 
 soon convinced her of my power to molest or protect her ; ami I 
 was not only treated to " every delicacy ot the season, but to 
 her blandest smiles. I ascertained that she Kftd a quantity oi 
 opium in the house, which her servants made up into miuUucIc 
 or little pellets for smoking. This we carefully hid ; and next 
 mornins I accompanied the theekadar's men to the house of 
 Madame Dilfureb. I insisted upon the people being searched m 
 the presence of a policy burkimda/, previous to entering the lady s 
 house One fellow had a large bundle of kuffh* Vviiich was boned 
 by the police and the search proceeded ; of course nothing was 
 found I duly reported the delinquency of the theekadar's peo- 
 ple who were roundly fined, and I not only received a handsome 
 iee'from Diljurel), but additional marks of respect and esteem. 
 
 The farmers of the abkurce make large profits, not by the sale 
 of drugs but by holding a threat of searching honest people a 
 houses in terrorem, over them; they seize contraband articles, 
 extort money from the contrabandists, who arc too glad to com- 
 promise with them, rather than be sent up to the Collector 
 Saheb and the farmer is glad to let them off for what he can 
 screw 'out of them, because he gets the whole, and has neither 
 the onus nor trouble of furnishing proof of the guilt of the parties. 
 It is only in cases of public seizure when the farmer dares not 
 suppress the case, that rich contrabandists are sent up for punish- 
 ment or where the parties arc too poor to be squeezed ; and the 
 farmer's interest requires him to cram the maw of the penal law 
 with a few victims. 
 
 CHAI'. V. 
 
 ZUBBUKDUST MISB AND LALLA B^MfBALUK ; AND HOW THEY 
 HOSE BY ACCUSING THE INNOCENT, WHEN THEY COULD NOT 
 FIND THE GrUILTl PEliSONS. 
 
 I had become acquainted with every " Jack in office" and 
 as we had many little " soirees" of our own, and in a friendly 
 manner compared notes with one another, I was at once able to 
 perceive that amongst us flunkies I was a very little creature 
 indeed. That my friend Suntokhea was but a gudgeon, while 
 others might not inaptly be called the sharks and alligators of our 
 legal sea. My eyes glistened at the objects in prospect, and my 
 whole frame quivered with emotion, as I listened to my friends, 
 when they related tlie ways and means they had of making money. 
 Every man of them had one pukka house or more. Ranges of 
 shops in the bazars they had contrived to convert into their own 
 property, and in their rnohullas,t they were " cocks of the walk," 
 and who dared compete with them when they chose to cock-a- 
 doodle-doo ? I shall proceed to give some of their histories. 
 
 * Bega steeped in poppy xoilk, and twisted li^KtK t.^vili. i . f Wards,
 
 10 ZUBBUitbUST MtSR AN'IJ LAU.A KAMli.ii.Lk 
 
 Ziiblninlust J//.ST was a strong, black, middle aged man, will, 
 " oily-gammonish" kind of look about him that deceived every 
 body. He was almrkundaz on the receipt of 4 lls. per mensem, 
 and had been on the staff of the well-known thief catcher, Lulla 
 Kambaluk, thanadnr of Zalimgunje, district of Beinsafpoor. A 
 set of miscreants, whom nobody could trace, were going about 1 he 
 country poisoning and robbing the lieges. Parties used to be 
 found lying dead, or dying near welfe, or iw the suraees,. stripped 
 of everything, and without any marks of violence. The Civil 
 Surgeon, on making a post-mortem examination, could only 
 affirm that they had been poisoned, he presumed with dhutoora. 
 The men " died, and their corpses presented no outward signs of 
 violence." The greatest consternation prevailed. The Magistrate 
 reported the circumstance to Government, and got a wigging for 
 his pains; and he in consequence issued an order to " stop the 
 pay of all the thanadars" until the delinquents were discover- 
 ed. Upon this Bambaluk Avas sent for, and directed to produce 
 the poisoners, under penalty of the Huzoor's severe displeasure. 
 Everything that man could do Avas done, but Ave could make no- 
 thing of the case ; so like Lord Burleigh Ave solemnly shook 
 our heads and pronounced the affair a mystery ! 
 
 Again, it was reported that four travellers had been poisoned 
 and robbed. Two died, but two recovered after a deal of trouble. 
 The survivors deposed that they had made a long march, and 
 about noon-day having come to a shady peepul tree on the road- 
 side, close by which there Avas a well of sweet water, they sat 
 doAAii to refresh themselves. They had nothing to eat but a lit- 
 tle " clnibcnah"* which humble fare appearing to excite the com- 
 passion of a party of travellers, ,Avho were also seated under the 
 peepul, they offered them Some " sutioo"^ which having eaten, 
 they suddenly became insensible. They stated that sundry arti- 
 cles of silver, such as bangles, armlets. Ac.. Avere in their 
 bundles ; the whole of which had been taken by the poisoners. 
 
 Again the most thundering orders were fulminated to the 
 police. The Kotwal and all the thanadars Avere sent out to 
 hunt for the poisoners ; but nobody could give any information 
 as to their whereabouts. At last 'Rambaluk sent forme. Brother 
 Zubburdust Misr, said he, you knoAV that BhoAvanee Pershad 
 Sahoo is a notorious tlianrfecd-ar, (receiver of stolen property) and 
 that of late he has not given us any but the smallest fees. 
 Go at once to his house, search it, and produce the silver articles, 
 " according to the Huzoor's orders. I at once twigged his mean- 
 ing ; but wishing to gammon him, I insinuated ' but Lallah 
 tShaheb, the Sahoo must have in his (lalcnn% scores of bangles 
 and armlets, hoAV am I to know which arc the ones that the 
 .poisoned travellers owned ?' To this Hainbaluk replied you and 
 I should understand one another by this time Zubburdust Misr. 
 Ask no silly questions, but go and produce the articles from 
 Bhowanee Persnad's house, and there Avill be no difficulty in iden- 
 
 * Parched peas, f Parehed peas and barley ground into meal. J Shop.
 
 KLM;LATIOXS or AN OUDEKLY. 11 
 
 i 
 
 tiiying llu-m. I went as directed; and producing my warrant, 
 proceeded to business. The Sahoo asked ino it' J \\eiv mad to 
 be searching the house of ail old i'rieud 't lie denied having any 
 nf the stolen property ; and talked very much about his 
 izzul"* Friend Sahoo, I enquired, how will you account for hav- 
 ing such a variety of silver and golden ornaments as yonder 
 chest contains. (Here I pointed towards an old acquaintance, 
 which wa,s carefully concealed). He understood me and offered 
 me a hundred rupees, which I at once pocketed. I was atraid, 
 however, to return to Lallah Eambaluk without any silver orna- 
 ments ; so I took from the Sahoo sundry bits of silver that litnl 
 been bangles and armlets and after sumjhaoijig^ him, asked him 
 iu the presence of witnesses, whence he had procured them ? 
 He replied that a woman called Lutehminea, by caste a Brab- 
 miuee, had sold them to him two days previously ; I took 
 Bhowanee Pershad and the bits of silver to Lallah Eambaluk, 
 who, after cogitating for a few moments, uttered a devout 
 " Sree Srce Sree" and looking at me triumphantly, exclaimed 
 that the whole plot was unravelled, and in two days our faces 
 should be made white before the Huzoor. The Sahoo paid 
 the thauadar another 5(3 rupees, and was released on bail. 
 
 AV'e then apprehended Lutchminea, and asked her to confess. 
 But she persisted in denying all knowledge of the bits of 
 silver or of the gang of poisoners. Give her a remembrancer, 
 Zubburdust Misr, said Eambaluk. I todk a large loose bag, 
 containing decayed and dried chillies, and put it over her head, 
 with a few shakes. In a few moments she was nearly suffocated, 
 and when she recovered her senses she said she would confess to 
 whatever we bid her. Her confession was taken iu the thauna 
 before three witnesses, and according to her statement we pro- 
 ceeded to seize Debec Misr, and Siugha Earn. Both these 
 worthies denied the charge ; butthey were old offenders and 
 required a little ftnnjkaoing.% They were kept out exposed to the 
 tierce rays of a vertical sun for a couple of hours, and when faint- 
 ing from heat and thrist, they were treated to the chilly bag. 
 They readily confessed before witnesses. Xow here was a 
 beautiful case for the Magistrate. The surviving travellers had 
 sworn to having received suttoo from a party consisting of u 
 woman and two men, who called themselves Bramins. Two 
 men and a woman had confessed to the crimes of poisoning 
 and robbing. The bits of silver they alleged to be part of the 
 property robbed from the travellers. What booted it, that the 
 travellers could not identify the robbers or the bits of silver ? , 
 They had barely seen the robbers fora moment, and the bangles, 
 etc., had been broken up. But the robbers freely confessed, and 
 all was right. 
 
 The Huzoor was delighted at our success. Promised greai 
 tilings to Eambaluk Lallah, and made me a Jumedar of police 
 
 cUbilii y. f TV % Here used for puni '<
 
 12 ZUBBURDUST MISIl \M) LALLA RAMBALUK. 
 
 at once. The defendants confessed before the Magistrate. They 
 had been imprisoned previously for mat-practices ; and they were 
 sent for trial by the Sessions Judge. The Sahoo got off on the 
 pretext that he was ignorant of the silver having been stolen 
 property ; and stated that he had voluntarily given it up to 
 me ; and named Lutchminea as the party from whom he had 
 purchased it. Here Zubburdust Misr paused to enjoy my 
 astonishment. t 
 
 Friend, I said, what you have just related gives me the highest 
 respect for your abilities. But surely the Sahebs are not gulled 
 so readily ! I ?J.so have played a few tricks, but had no notion of 
 such wholesale consummate art as you mention. How were the 
 alleged poisoners punished by the Judge Saheb ? 
 
 Zubburdust Misr sighed deeply, or affected to do so, and 
 continued thus : I. had disbelieved that "Earn Jee"* interfered 
 directly in the matters of this world ; but the issue of the case 
 I have related gave me serious matter for reflection. You shall 
 judge for yourself. Two days remained for the trial of the 
 poisoners before the Junab Saheb Judge,t when a roobakarec% was 
 received by the Magistrate from the officiating Joint Magistrate 
 of a neighbouring district (a young, headstrong, opiniative boy, 
 one that would do everything himself, and not trust to his Omlah. 
 One can never depend upon what they do) purporting that a 
 gang of poisoners, consisting of two men and a woman had been 
 taken by the police just as they were rifling some travellers to 
 whom they had administered dhutoora. That they had a very 
 miscellaneous collection of all kinds of silver and golden orna- 
 ments ; and that finding denial of no avail, as they had been 
 caught in the act of robbing,,, they had confessed to having 
 poisoned and robbed sundry people at different times, and that 
 they had heard some innocent persons had been apprehended, 
 and were committed for trial by the Sessions Judge, in the zillah 
 of Beiusafpoor. They pointed out the property taken from the 
 travellers, which, together with copy of their confession, was sent 
 to the Magistrate of Beinsafpoor. 
 
 Here was a go ! The Saheb Magistrate raved and swore at the 
 whole of the police. The men and woman who had confessed, 
 were asked why they had confessed ? and out came the whole 
 story. This would have gone for nothing, but the travellers swore 
 to the identity of the property sent by the boy Joint, and there 
 could be no doubt as to the innocence of the parties we had 
 apprehended. The upshot was, that the Kotwal, Lalla Kam- 
 baluk, and two other thanadnrs, were turned out, and I was 
 reduced to a burkundaz, in which place I have continued ever 
 since. 
 
 I was determined to ascertain some more interesting 
 matters, but the "soiree"' broke up, and I proceeded to my 
 home. 
 
 God. t My L-->i''l, Uif T-a<lg. 1 Proceeding.
 
 A THANADAR PUNISHED. 13 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 A THASADAE PUNISHED TOE AN HONEST EEPOBT. 
 
 I happened to be in the room, one day, -when a fine-looking 
 young fellow, in the impress of a sepoy, came up to the desk of 
 the Joint Magistrate, and salamed to him. The Saheb Joint 
 asked him what he wanted ? He stated that his name was Lootcha, 
 Singh, that he was alleged to have been murdered three years back ; 
 and that as he understood his uncle had been transported to an- 
 other district, on account of the alleged murder as a felon for life, 
 he had come to exculpate him. The Saheb was not a little asto- 
 nished ; but he is one of those energetic men who never hesitates 
 over a resolution, but at once carries it out. He sent for the misl* 
 of the case, and I heard read as follows : 
 
 " Gudha Purshad, thanadar of jBeicu.qoofpoor, reported to the 
 Magistrate, that Lootcha Singh, a resident of Fussadgunj, was 
 missing. That nobody could give any account of him. That 
 he had a criminal intrigue with his own brother's wife. That thia 
 brother was absent, but the intrigue having come to the 
 knowledge of Lootcha Singh's uncle, Zalim Singh, it was sus- 
 pected that Lootcha Singh had fled, nobody knew -whither. 
 Upon, this, the Magistrate suspended Gudha Purshad, thanadar, 
 recorded his conviction that Lootcha Singh had been murdered by 
 his own relations, in revenge for the intrigue with his brother's 
 wife. That the thanadar of Bewuqoofpoor had been bribed to 
 send up a false statement of the* case. That the Kotwal of 
 the city be directed to go at once to the village of Fussadgunj / 
 and within a fortnight to produce the,murderers of Lootcha Singh 
 \riththe necessary proofs, under penalty of dismissal. 
 
 " Within the fortnight the Kotwal reported to the Magistrate 
 that, " baikbul Huzoor"^ he had apprehended the murderer of 
 Lootcha Singh, who proved to be his uncle, Zalim Singh ; and 
 that the murderer not only confessed his crime, but that strong 
 circumstantial evidence went to criminate him, &c., &c. The de- 
 fendant, Zalim, made a free confession before the Magistrate. 
 He deponed that a criminal connection had existed between Loot- 
 cha Singh and Phooljhurea, wife of his own brother, who was 
 absent. That fear of loss of caste resulting, should the inter- 
 course be fruitful, he had first remonstrated with Lootcha Singh ; 
 but finding him deaf'to reproof, he murdered him one night, and 
 threw his body the same night into the Ganges. Xo question 
 was asked the prisoner, and the confession having been 
 written in a corner of the room, out of ear-shot of the Saheb, was 
 attested by him and three witnesses, as a free and unextorted 
 confession of murder. 
 
 * File of papers of a case. f Br the good fortune of tha presence.
 
 14 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 " Sundry witnesses deponed to having heard of the existence of 
 a criminal intimacy between the deceased and his brother's wife 
 Phooljhurea. That they heard defendant reprove the deceased ; 
 and that certain witnesses heard defendant threaten to kill 
 him. But nobody saw the deed done. Nobody was found. 
 There was no bloody weapon no marks of a struggle, or other 
 indication of violence. The Magistrate committed Zalim Singh 
 to take his trial before the Sessions Judge for the wilful murder 
 of his nephew Lootcha Singh. 
 
 " The prisoner confessed before the Judge. The witnesses corro- 
 borated what they had previously deponed to. The law officer 
 gave a futwa of " kissas"* and the Judge referred the misl of the 
 case to the Suddur Nizaimit Adalut, and recommended that 
 Zalim Singh should be hanged. 
 
 " In due course of time the tile of papers was laid before their 
 worships, the Judges of the Court of Nizamut Adalut. Or,e 
 Judge concurred in opinion with the Sessions Judge and was for 
 hanging Zalim Singh. But, for the credit of the " Saheban Alee- 
 
 shan"\ the second Judge, Mr. , diifered entirely from all 
 
 the other sahebs. He observed, that, Zalim had himself gone 
 to the thanah of Bewuqoofpoor, and reported that Lootcha 
 Singh was missing. That the Magistrate had merely attested 
 his deposition, without putting a single question to him. That 
 the wording of the confessions, as recorded before the Kot- 
 wal, the Magistrate and Sessions Judge, were almost similar, 
 verbatim ; that although the evidence went to prove that a 
 family dispute had occurred, and that the prisoner Zalim had 
 been heard to threaten Lootcha Singh ; yet that there was no 
 proof of the murder having bee/i committed at all, as the ' corpus 
 delicti,' the only positive proof was wanting. He, therefore, 
 voted against capital punishment, and recommended that the 
 prisoner be confined for life ; or until Lootcha Singh turned up. 
 
 " The whole of the Judges concurred with Mr. , and Zalim 
 
 Singh, branded on the forehead as a felon, was transported to. 
 Goruckpore. Oudha Purshad was turned out and declared to 
 be incapable of again serving Government, and the Kotwal re- 
 ceived a very oily purwanah of good-conduct, and a reward of 
 500 rupees. 
 
 " The Saheb Joint recorded the deposition of Lootcha Singh. 
 He stated that he had had a criminal connection with Phooljhurea. 
 That he was afraid of his uncle Zalim ; and hearing on the 
 evening of his alleged murder, that a regiment of sepoys was en- 
 camped only a few miles off, and was proceeding to Bengal, he 
 went and enlisted, and accompanied the regiment to Bengal. 
 That having heard, incidentally, that his uncle Zalim Singh had 
 been transported as a felon, he had taken leave, returned to hia 
 village ; and come to the Huzoor to declare the whole truth. 
 
 " The Saheb did not lose a day in sending for Zalim Singh from 
 Goruckpore ; and when he was questioned, 1 made it a point to 
 
 * Ectaliation as blood for blood. f Gentlemen of exalted rank.
 
 A THANADAR PUNISHED. 15 
 
 be present. The Saheb told him that he was free, as his 
 nephew was proved to be alive. The poor victim of the law bim-fc 
 into tears, threw himself at the Saheb's feet, and' pointing, to hia 
 branded brow, asked the Joint Magistrate of what use would 
 freedom be to him, when he bore the mark of Cain for life ? He 
 was asked why he had confessed three several times ? He sub- 
 mitted, that the Saheb himself would have done so under simi- 
 lar circumstances. That he was kept in a privy, with putrid 
 ordure up to his knees all night, and exposed to the influence of 
 a burning sun all day. Until, maddened by the treatment, and 
 wishing for death, at any rate, a release from his intolerable 
 torture, he confessed just as he had been tutored to do by the 
 Kotwal. He stated that not a question had been put to him by 
 the Magistrate or Judge ; and that on attempting to speak, he 
 was rebuked. He said that his release was a matter of indiffer- 
 ence, as he was broken-hearted, and could not shew his face 
 again in the company of honest men, owing to his branded brow. 
 
 " The Saheb Joint sent up a strong representation to the Niza- 
 mut Adawlut. He recommended that the Kotwal should be dis- 
 missed, made to refund the reward he had received, and tried 
 criminally for having trumped up a false case of murder. That 
 Gudha Pursliad should be employed again and receive a reward 
 from Government ; and that poor Zalim Sinc/li be supported at 
 the expense of the state for life. This was asking only what was 
 due from the Government. But what was the result. 
 
 " Poor Zalim was, of course, released ; but no provision was 
 made for him, nor any recompence awarded for his branded fore- 
 head. Gudha Piirshad remained unnoticed. And as for the 
 Kotwal, not only did he not disgorge the reward of 500 rupees 
 given him for his iniquity, but he was retained in possession 
 of his appointment ; and for ought 1 know, is still a ' Jack in 
 office.' * 
 
 " I saw that the Saheb was very greatly disgusted at all this-* but 
 he was helpless, and was obliged to swallow his indignation. I 
 could not help reflecting, however, on the cruelty of the punish- 
 ment of branding or ' Godena' and Government has always ob- 
 jected to mutilation of a limb, because the culprit is thereby ren- 
 dered helpless for life. But a branded felon, if ever released, is 
 punished even more severely than by mutilation. He is morally 
 degraded and rendered an outcast from the society of men. The 
 mark has mutilated his moral character, and disqualified him from 
 resuming a reputation, of which he was innocently deprived, and 
 he ought no longer Ao be made liable for raising his hands against 
 those who point to that mark as a disgrace and a reproach. It 
 were well if our legislators gave the subject the reflection it 
 merits, and repealed the damning law.* But I forget that I am a 
 poor, ignorant orderly, and must not presume to give a hint even 
 to my betters." 
 
 * Act of 1819 has been promulgated, prohibiting- the branding of convicts.
 
 16 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 A POETRAIT OP A PEOSPEEOrS POLICEMAN. 
 
 I was connected with Jiibbur Khan by marriage ; and we saw 
 each other frequently. Jubbur Khan was confidential orderly 
 to Nimaz Khan, one of the officials of police ; and he had played 
 his cards so cleverly that he had a considerable sum of money in 
 cash, besides jewels with which his wife and children were be- 
 decked. Some five years ago my friend was a poor devil of a 
 burkundaz* his own clothes were ragged, and his appearance was 
 meagre. His wife and children were in rags and half-starved. 
 Whereas now he is as unctuous-looking a man as ever lived upon 
 a pouli of yhee^ per diem. Of course we frequently compared 
 ' notes ; and this is the marrow of his story. 
 
 When a suitor goes to the thannah, it is the duty of Jubbur 
 Khan to take him aside and enquire how much he will give for 
 settling the case in his favor. A bargain is driven, and the 
 utmost squeezed out of the party that can possibly be obtained. 
 Even a pair of shoes, a topee,% or a %uvumtrbund are accepted, 
 in the absence of anything more valuable. Of course Jubbur 
 Khan swears to his patron that he takes nothing for himself, and 
 is content, like a well-behaved jackall, to feast on the lion's 
 leavings ; but not a day passes without his pocketing something 
 handsome ; and many is the time that the lion's share has fallen 
 to his lot. He told me that his cue was to get up a moamlah\\ 
 against some rich Muhajun,^ or other wealthy person. For then, 
 if the rich man would not fork out handsomely, nothing was 
 easier than to word the kiifetut of the police report, so as to in- 
 duce the Hakim** to issue an order for a tuhke.ekat,^ and then a 
 golden harvest was reaped. For instance a man well dressed 
 (as every swindling blackguard may be) appears in the thannah 
 and gives a formal complaint against a nouputtee Muhajun^ for 
 the abduction of his sister, or daughter, or wife. Now such a 
 charge is not cognizable ; but, like an artful dodger, Jubbur 
 Khan tells the complainant to state that the woman had 500 
 rupees' worth of jewels on her person, which the defendant has 
 also robbed him of. The' complainant takes the hint and depones 
 accordingly ; and as he expects to get a handsome sum of money 
 from the Muhajun for giving in a razcenama he gives a fee of 
 25 rupees to Nimaz Khan, and Jubbur is sent to the Muhajun's 
 house with warrant. 
 
 Jubbur Khun blusters and bullies the unfortunate Mvhajun, 
 and producing his warrant, declares that, although much against 
 his wish, he must take Dumre.e Lall to the thannah. The Muha- 
 jun gives 100 rupees for a day's respite, and Jubbur Khan re- 
 turns to the thannah. Next day he goes again to the Mukajun, 
 
 * Police constables are so called. f P a ^ a pound of clarified butttr. 
 J Cap. Waistband. || Case. f Banker. ** Official governor. 
 (-( Enquiry. JJ Highest caste of banker. Compromise.
 
 A PROSPEROUS POLICEMAN. 17 
 
 who sends his confidential man with another 100 rupees to Nimaz 
 Khan. At first the Karindah is well bullied, his master abused, 
 and a threat held out that every mother's son shall be chalaned* 
 At length Jubbur Khan folds his hands before Nimaz Khan, and 
 after lauding him to the skies, as the soul of honour and peerless 
 amongst the undaunted, entreats that the thanadar would reflect 
 for a moment, whether it be possible for a man of such res- 
 pectability as Dumree Lall Sahoo to have committed such an 
 act as the prosecutor charges him with. That Dumree Lall is 
 a nouputtee Muhajvn, and a man of reputed munificence ; 
 whereas he had heard from several people that the prosecutor 
 is a Dullal^ and a ludmash^ etc. Here the Mohurir andJumadar 
 edge in a word in praise of Dumree Lall and in abuse of the 
 prosecutor. Kimaz Khan relaxes the austerity of his coun- 
 tenance, and acknowledges that he had heard of the hounsilah 
 of Dumree Sahoo, etc. He takes the Karindah into a private 
 apartment, and after a short while dismisses him. The prose- 
 cutor is sent for, abused most heartily, and threatened with 
 all the most unheard-of severities, if he again presumes to make 
 such a false complaint against people of respectability. The 
 Dullal respectfully enquires w'hether the small sum of 25 rupees 
 had been received by the thanadar or not. He appeals to Jub- 
 bur Khan ; but one and all turn upon him, call him a liar and 
 scoundrel, and he is summarily kicked out. A report goes up 
 to the Saheb Magistrate, simply intimating that a charge of ab- 
 duction had been brought by a Dullal against Dumree Lall 
 Sahoo ; that the ttuzoor knows well the character of Dullals, 
 and that as the charge was not cognisable by the police, the 
 prosecutor was referred to the " t Adalut-ool-alea"\{ And thus 
 ends the farce. 
 
 Jubbur Khan gave me a very amusing account of the clever 
 way in which a part of stolen property, chiefly jewels and gems, 
 is appropriated by the police, after recovery. A party com- 
 plains that he has been robbed of a large amount of jewels 
 and precious stones. Part is found ; and almost always one or 
 more choice specimens are reserved for the thanadar. It is 
 scarcely probable that every thing stolen will be recovered ; con- 
 sequently the occasional loss of any part of the property is put 
 down to the account of the thief. But no one ever thinks 
 of suspecting the police. And if suspicion be excited " clieli 
 faedah ?"^[ Where is the proof ? 
 
 Jubbur Khan was desired one day to apprehend a suspected 
 coiner, who had been circulating a quantity of base coin. Such 
 is the cleverness of these fellows, that it is asserted as a fact, 
 that the very day the new Company's rupee was circulated, a 
 supply of the base coin was simultaneously sent into the 
 bazaar. The coiners never utter their own coin : but have 
 
 Sent to the magistrate. f Broker. A bad character. Liberality. 
 [| The exalted seat of justice. f Cui bono ?
 
 18 REVELATIONS OF AX ORDERLY. 
 
 agents of every grade, who pass a few base rupees along with 
 a number of good ones. Well, friend Jubbur proceeded boldly 
 to the house of Jalea Pershad, and calling out to him, declared 
 he had come to intimate the Huzoor's orders. He was desired 
 to remain outside, until the women were put out of the way ; 
 and after a quarter of an hour's delay, he was ushered in, with 
 extreme civility, into the presence of Jalea Pershad. Jubbur 
 produced his warrant, and told him tliat he must accompany 
 him at once to Nimaz Khan, and bullied him roundly for keep- 
 ing him so long a time at the door. Jalea Pershad begged of 
 him to be pacified ; declared his readiness to accompany him 
 at once ; and, before leaving his house, put a gold-mohur into 
 Jubbur 'Khans hand, and begged of him to mention nothing 
 of the detention outside Jalea 's house. The Sahoo took a bag 
 of a hundred inducements with him in case of need, and de- 
 parted with Jubbur Khan. 
 
 On reaching the tbanuah, the first order given is to put Jalea 
 Pershad in the stocks. He is taken away for the purpose ; 
 but whispers to Jubbur Khan to tell Nimaz Khan that lie has 
 brought a nuzzur* for his worship. The thanadar receives the 
 inducements, and finds them suificiciitly weighty to. remove 
 the prisoner's feet from the stocks. He is introduced into a 
 decent room apart from the others, and his people are per- 
 mitted to bring in his bistoorfi and to make him as comfortable 
 as circumstances will permit. 
 
 Of course Jalea Pershad gets off, minus, the inducements, for 
 there is no proof against him. And Jubbur Khan swears, that 
 not only did he not see anything suspicious in Jalea' s house, 
 but that he was at once admitted therein. 
 
 In short, by Jubbur Khans statement, the execution of a 
 search warrant, or a warrant of apprehension, may be always 
 evaded if the delinquent iti able to oil palms. For, as he 
 candidly confessed, the Sirkar Bahadoor% gives me four rupees 
 a month, and the offer of a sum equivalent to six mouths' 
 pay, often, or occasionally, ought not to be resisted by an 
 orderly. 
 
 CHAP. VIII. 
 
 THE MOOKTYAR TRIBE ILLUSTRATED BY EXAMPLES. 
 
 There are a set of miscreants that infest the courts, than whom 
 a greater nuisance does not exist ; I mean the Mboktyars, or 
 Attorneys. Without any pretence to education, without any 
 legal knowledge, they derive a maintenance by fomenting quar- 
 rels, by mystifying their clients by misquotations, of the 
 " Qanoon-i-Sircar" and the " circoolar chittees"\\ and the " cant- 
 
 * Good-will offering. f Carpet bedding. J The State. 
 
 Regulations of Government. Circular orders.
 
 THE MOOKTYAR TRIBE. 19 
 
 racfions"* of the Nizamut Adalut. Noisy declamation and lying 
 are their talent, and extreme impudence is their privilege. 
 Rebuked, fined, turned out as they have been, they contrive to 
 creep in again, as soon as there is a change of administration. 
 Many an amusing scene have I witnessed, and many a rise do 
 they take out of the hakims. 
 
 Lutees Pershad is a well-known character. Like the immortal 
 practitioners, Dodson stud Fogg, he undertakes cases on spec. 
 If his client cannot pay, it does not signify ; he contents himself 
 with the client's signature to a bit of stamp-paper, an I U- 
 in short. Mouths afterwards, the client is astonished to find that 
 his little property is attached in execution of a decree, passed 
 in favour of the decree-holder, Lutees Pershad. Houses, shares 
 of villages, orchards, have thus dropped in " by accident" into 
 the maw of this worthy. 
 
 I was in the room, when he presented a petition on the part 
 of Chenala Beyum,^ purdah nusheen, praying that the magis- 
 trate would punish one Syud Moofukhur-ood-Doiclah, a budmash, 
 who had fraudulently robbed her of jewels to the amount of 
 10.000 rupees. The Huzoor ordered the MooJetyctr-namaJi to be 
 attested, when out stepped Syud Moofukhur-ood-Dowlah, present- 
 ed a petition, and verbally declared to the Huzoor that the 
 plaintiff had been a courtezan in the city, and had been taken 
 
 into the keeping of his master, Nuwab , and that having 
 
 been indiscriminate in her amours, his master had turned her 
 out. He affirmed that she was not & purdah nusheen, and that 
 Lutees Persliad had got up a Dodson and Fogg case. The Saheb 
 rejected the Mooktyar-namah, and directed that the woman 
 should appear in person and give her deposition upon oath, if 
 she really had any charge to make against Mofoukhur-ood- 
 Doidah. . 
 
 Next day Lutees Persliad intimated to the magistrate, that 
 his client had come to the Kuclieree% in a doolee,^ and begged 
 that the doolee might be bodily introduced into the room. 
 This was agreed to, and a 31oln<rir\\ proceeded to take her 
 deposition. The Mooktyar was asked whether Chenala Begum 
 was really inside the doolee ? He replied in the affirmative ; 
 but Moofukhur-ood-Dowlah submitted that it might be some- 
 body else. That, perhaps, the lady was right in keeping behind 
 a purdah, for she was old, wrinkled, and ugly, etc. Upon this, 
 the screen of the doolee was hastily thrown aside ; and with a 
 torrent of abuse, that amused and surprised everybody, out 
 walked the lady, and going boldly to the defendant, asked how 
 he, who was only nominally a man, could dare to call her 
 old and ugly ? She was in fact passe', but bore the traces of 
 beauty, and affected extreme haughtiness. The magistrate was 
 
 * Constructions of regulations. 
 
 f A fomale of reputed respectability one sitting behind a sciv-n. 
 * Office. Covered conveyance, carried by men. ;j "Writer scribe.
 
 20 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 not a little amused at the scene ; but he proceeded to business, 
 and took the woman's deposition on oath. A few cross ques- 
 tions made her confess that the charge of robbery was false 
 that she had been a common prostitute had been in keeping 
 
 of Nuwab , and that Moofukhur-ood-Dowlah was a lover 
 
 of hers that he had discarded her and that by the advice of 
 Lutees Pershad, she had personated a purdah nusheen, and 
 trumped up a charge of robbery againet her old flame. Of 
 course, Chcnala Begum was lined for a false and malicious 
 complaint ; and Lutees Persliad was fined roundly for having 
 caused the false complaint to be instituted. 
 
 A clever Mooktyar, one Lallah Door-undcsli once played off 
 a fine trick on a rayther soft Joint Saheb. There had been a 
 serious affray in the country and two men died of lathee 
 wounds. A consideration was given to the thanadar, who or- 
 dered the corpses to be burned and thrown into the river ; and 
 a report was sent up to the Huzoor, to the eifect that a 
 slight mar peet* had taken place ; but that the Jidicee^ had pro- 
 ceeded to the spot, and satisfied himself that the affray had been 
 BO trifling, as to be unworthy of notice.. That Joot Bhur, Goraet,^ 
 had indeed informed him that two men had died who were con- 
 cerned in the affray, but having made due inquiry, he, the fid-wee, 
 had ascertained that the deceased had been laid up with fever 
 for three months, and that they must have died of natural 
 disease. That in the "itkkil-nakkis"^ of the thanadar no further 
 investigation was needed, and he recommended that Joot Bhur 
 be dismissed. "While the Joint Saheb was in deep meditation, 
 puzzled what to do, up walks Lallah Door-undesh, and salaiu-. 
 ing profoundly, offers a petition, purporting that his client was 
 son and heir to one of the deceased, and declared that the 
 deceased did really die of Disease, and that the heir prayed that 
 the H razeenaRa"\\ be accepted. The Huzoor' s countenance 
 gleamed with satisfaction at this untying of the Gordian knot ; 
 and turning approvingly to Lallah Door-undesh, he enquired 
 whether the petitioner were present ? An answer was given in 
 the affirmative, and a lad of twelve years produced. The Saheb 
 then asked the Mookfyar, whether the boy was really and in 
 truth the heir to the deceased ? To which Door-undesh replied, 
 with a becoming smirking humility, " Can the Huzoor imagine 
 that any one would presume to think that the Huzoor could be 
 deceived ? " Jenab-i-aUei" 9 ^ knows that such a thing is impossi- 
 ble, and that he, the " Doulut-i-Khawah"** is incapable of de- 
 ception." The Saheb, entirely satisfied, coc*ks his hat and tells 
 the Moonshee "buhot khoob, razcenama munzoor. misl dakhil 
 duftur."^ The poor Moonshee endeavours to remind the Saheb 
 that there are strong presumptions of homicide having been com- 
 mitted that there is no proof that the boy, who gave the razee- 
 
 * Beating. t Slave. J Village watchman. 
 
 Defective judgment. |j Compromise ^[ Great lord. ** Desirer of riches. 
 
 f-j- " Very well. The compromise is accepted. Put the case on the shelf."
 
 THE XriSAXCE OF THE DULLALS. 21 
 
 tiama, is riot a fictitious personage, &c. When Lallalt Door- 
 undesh breaks in with " Thus it is, sir, that the Oinlak try to 
 warp your impartial judgment, for their own base purposes ; 
 even after your honour has passed a final order, which is equal 
 in discrimination to the judgment of Solomon." The Moon- 
 shee gets Avigged for presuming to dictate to the Huzoor, 
 and the parties leave the Kucheree in triumph. 
 , Lallah Door-undesh^ not only benefits by fees from the thnna- 
 dar, and the parties concerned in the affray, but his character 
 rises to the culminating point in the regions of public opinion. 
 People at once perceive how he can tickle the Saheb, and client 
 after client comes with his retaining fee to entreat the sen-ices 
 of Lalla Door- undent. He walks consequentially towards his 
 " ekka ;" (anglice, hack-cab) and meeting the Moonshee Jee, 
 in the way, jostles him and passes on, inflated Avith vanity and 
 consequence. 
 
 CHAP. IX. 
 
 THE XUIS'AXCE OF THE DULLALS. 
 
 It is not, perhaps, generally knoAvii that in the ancient and 
 holy city of Kashee (Benares) there have existed from time im- 
 memorial, and do exist at the present moment, several classes 
 of men who live by extorting from the citizens and devout 
 pilgrims more than is sufficient to maintain them in the most 
 recklessly profligate career. They leA^y a regular and systematic 
 ' black mail" upon high and low, rich and poor. No rank or 
 station is above their reach ; and no person is so poor as to be 
 unable to afford these gentry profit, either by payments in coin, 
 or by some kind of service. The wealthy Baboo, the nouputtee 
 jttuliajun, the Vakeels ; the OmfaJi, the very Moonsiffs and 
 tixdder Ameens are subjected to their influence. For either 
 by direct violence, or by a veneration for " dustur," these worthies 
 are coerced. I allude to the Pundalts, the Gunga Footers, the 
 Ghateas. the Su-ru-reahs, the DuUals, a tribe of carrion-croAvs 
 Avith which the city is infested, and under Avhose domination 
 it groans. In attempting to expose the villany and oppression 
 of a class, I shall not stoop to delineate individuals ; for the 
 law can reach them when knoAvn. But my object is to shew 
 the public a body of miscreants, Avho, by their combination and 
 the force of circumstances, defy all laAv ; which as " an Or- 
 derly" I am able tD do from personal experience. 
 
 G-o into the clvoulc* and attempt to purchase the most trivial 
 article. Take up a pair of shoes or a shawl, and you Avill 
 find a DuUal\ at your elbow. The man praises one thing, 
 abuses another ; beats doAvn the price of the vendor authorita- 
 tively ; and you are surprised that such disinterested officiousness 
 should be shown to a stranger in a crowded clioitk. The man 
 
 * Mirket-square . t Broker
 
 22 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 civilly offers to take you whithersoever you please ; and to assist 
 you in purchasing whatever you may require. Tou return home 
 Avondering what was the man's inducement to waste his own 
 time in chaffering for you ? I lift the curtain to shew you that 
 the vendors and your " chapcrone" are in league ; that your 
 complaisant friend is a dullal, who takes very good care to lower 
 the vendor's price only so much as to admit of his coming in 
 for a handsome dusturee.* The difference between the bazar 
 price, and the amount price of the article sold, is the " huy"^ 
 pf the Dullal\ You will ask whether the vendor may not him- 
 self pocket the whole of the money ? I answer, that he dare 
 not. The whole of the Dull ah would cabal against him ; would 
 cry down his w r ares ; would thrash him within an inch of his 
 life ; w r ould by force prevent purchasers from attending his 
 shop. " Can such things be ?" you ask. Can the authorities 
 submit tamely to such outrages. Why do not the parties who 
 are cheated or bullied, complain to the Magistrate ? They have 
 tried the experiment, and although in a few instances suc- 
 cessful, they have generally failed in obtaining redress from want 
 of judicial proof. Moral conviction is one thing, and judicial 
 proof another. And were a Magistrate to punish on moral 
 conviction alone, his judgment would, in all probability, be 
 reversed by the Judge in appeal; who, having to form his 
 judgment by the written evidence, must be guided by judicial 
 proof alone. Let me illustrate the practices of the Dullals by 
 an example. 
 
 The largest, if not the only, wholesale grain market in Benares 
 is the Trilochun bazar, between the city and the Burna 
 Sungum ffhat. Here as elsewhere, the Dullals have establish- 
 ed their sway. One of the principal of these was Bisheshur 
 Singh, who contrived by some means or other to eke out a 
 comfortable subsistence by his iniquitous practices. If a boat 
 put to at the ghat, and any transaction with the grain market 
 was negotiated, Bisheshur claimed his hug. If the grain were 
 attempted to be sold direct to the owner of the Gunje, Bisheshur 
 Singh gathered his band of Dullals together, got up a scrim- 
 mage, and himself lodged the first complaint in the thannah ; 
 but the proprietor of the Gunje, Sheikh Chalah, was a cautious 
 and canny cove, and managed always to escape being saddled 
 with the onus of these rows. Bisheshur Singli waited patiently 
 until there was a change in the administration ; and no sooner 
 was a new Magistrate appointed, than he presented a thun- 
 dering petition to the Huzoor, purporting that the Gunje\ was 
 public property that the former Hakims had removed all 
 taxes and cesses, and had declared every person at liberty to 
 land and sell his grain at will that Beoparee8 brought large 
 fleets of boats, laden with grain for the use of the city, but 
 that owing to the great oppression of Sheikh Chalah they 
 would not land the grain. That a tax of so much per boat was 
 
 *<5hstomary douceur. f Eight. J Market. Grain Merchants.
 
 THE NUISANCE OF THE DULLALS. 23 
 
 taken by the Sheikh from every Beoparee, that the grain 
 was forcibly stacked in the granaries of the Trilochun, and 
 that the Sheikh took a fixed sum per maund for selling the grain, 
 &c. Scores of similar petitions were filed by parties calling 
 themselves Beoparees. 
 
 To these charges, Sheikh Glialali merely replied, that he was 
 owner of the grain market at Trilochun that he made large 
 .advances to Beoparees t \n distant provinces, who brought or sent 
 the grain to his market ; that he provided chokedara* for the pro- 
 tection of the boats that he afforded accommodation to the Beo- 
 parees for their grain in his ample store-houses, where it re- 
 mained until sold that he supplied money to the Beoparees on 
 the hypothecation of their grain that in short, he was merely 
 a broker on a large scale ; and received from the Beoparees 
 only that brokerage, which mutual convenience and long usage, 
 had established. The Saheb J\J agistrate desired his Assistant to 
 go the next morning and make enquiries on the spot ; and I 
 accompanied him as his orderly. AVhen the Assistant reached 
 the bazar, there was a great crowd, crying out " Coompanee ka 
 dohaee /t Saheb Shistantjia dohaee /" The Chota Saheb% seemed 
 quite perplexed, and asked the people what they had to say ? 
 " dohaee ! dohaee ! Sheikh Chalah has ruined us and cheated 
 us," was all he heard. Upon this, turning round to me, he 
 sagaciously asked M Panchkouree, are these poor people very ill 
 that they want dowaee . ? AVhy do they not go to the Doctor?" 
 I humbly submitted that they were not ill, but cried for 
 justice, or dohaee. But, said the Saheb, dowaee or dohaee, it is all 
 one ; for the poor men appear to be grievously oppressed. 
 Here, Mooushee, sowal purho.\\ Some fifty petitions were read ; 
 the petitioners answered to ' their names, and the puzzled Saheb 
 Shislant^ looked at one, and then at another, and yawned from 
 the sheer fatigue of thinking so profoundly- I whispered in his 
 ear, " May it please the Jenab-i-alee to enquire whether the peti- 
 tioners in the crowd present are real Beoparees or not ? Your 
 slave recognises them as BtiJmashus Dullals." The hint was 
 taken, and the Saheb himself put the question to every peti- 
 tioner : " Toom kone .<"' Dullal lujee Khodawitnd"** was the 
 invariable answer. " Very strange," said the Saheb Shislant, 
 " where are the oppressed and aggrieved Beoparees ? Turn out 
 the rascals, Darof/ah, and bring me the Beoparees from the 
 bazar and the boats." Several Beoparees presented themselves ; 
 who denied that they had any cause of complaint against 
 Sheikh Chalah that they paid him brokerage by the custom 
 of the country but that they had to complain against Bixheshur 
 Singh and his rascally DuUah, who by the abuse and cajolerv, 
 cheated them out of small sums of money daily. The Saheb Shis' 
 fruit represented matters truly to the Magistrate, who " dakhill 
 duftwed" the case. 
 
 * Watchmen. f Cry for Justice. J Young Gentleman. Medicine. 
 |i Head the Petition. ^[ The Assistant. ** Who are you? A broker, Sir.
 
 24 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 " Why was not tlie principal, Bisheshur Singh, punished ?" 
 you ask. For a plain reason. He would have appealed to the 
 Saheb Allee Jah* the Judge. He would have proved by the 
 evidence of fifty witnesses that he had received, as his father 
 had done before him from time out of mind, a fixed rate for 
 every boat that arrived at the ghat that the owner of the 
 bazar was the oppressor, etc., etc., and the Magistrate's order 
 would have been reversed. It is true, justice is a grand thing ; 
 but who can expect it without judicial proof ? 
 
 As a commentary on the courts of the Coompanee Bahadoor, 
 1 shall relate a fact. Some five-and-twenty years ago, an Afghan 
 appeared with his servant, a Hindoostanee, in the Magistrate's 
 Court at Moradabad. He, upon - oath, declared that he had 
 caught his servant in the act of stealing a fistihll of rupees. 
 The servant denied. " Where are your witnesses, my friend ?" 
 said the Magistrate to the Afghan. The Mogul, after a moment's 
 reflection, collared his servant, and beating him soundly, called 
 out, " Why did you not, you scoundrel, bring witnesses, 
 when you came to rob me ?" Whether the Magistrate tool; 
 the hint or not, I know not. 
 
 CHAP. X. 
 
 THE PTJNDAH8, THE PBELATICAL ORDER OF BKAHMIXISM. 
 
 The " Pundahs," in the holy city of Kasliee, are the prelatm 
 of their priesthood, and, like every other calling in India, the 
 sacred offices are even hereditary. They are not bound to 
 celibacy. Their wealth is encrmous. Their lives are a tissue 
 of profligacy, arrogance, fraud, and deceit ; and as for morals, 
 "they never had any ." Like,, the Papal pretensions of universal 
 supremacy, they arrogate to themselves privileges, and supe- 
 riority over the laity ; and assert them with a haughtiness exceed- 
 ing that of Thomas-a-Beclcet. The daily offerings at the celebrated 
 temples and the shrines they contain, are collected by officiating 
 priests who account to the Pimdahs. The annual income of 
 the temples is enormous ; for, like the Papal church, the Hindoo 
 system of religion allows of the compounding of every sin 
 from a peccadillo to homicide for a consideration ; and the 
 greater the amount of guilt, the larger, of course, is the propitia- 
 tory offering, and the greater the profit of the priests. The 
 ordinary ceremonials and sacrificial rites are performed by the 
 " Poojerees." The Pundah officiates only on grand occasions, 
 when some wealthy Rajah or Baboo makes his advent in Kashee, 
 and offers to propitiate the gods by an offering, in proportion 
 to the enormity of his sins. Then, indeed, the satellites of the 
 " Sree Pundah Jee" are on the alert ; and desperate becomes 
 the conflict of wits, between cupidity on one side, and super- 
 stition mixed with avarice on the other. 
 
 * Gcntk'inan of exalted rank.
 
 THE PUNDAll>. P$ 
 
 When his Highness the ex-Peishwa came to Kushee, afttv 
 he death of his father,and solicited the Pundah of the great 
 temple of VixlH'su'nr to assist him in the fulfilment of his 
 yows, he refused to do so, until the Maharajah should fill with 
 coined silver the houz, or font of the temple. This was acceded 
 to ; and it was found that one lakh and twenty-five thousand 
 rupees were required for that purpose. A goodly breakfast, I 
 ween, and sufficient for a time to stay the cravings of a morbid 
 sacerdotal appetite. On* other occasions he is induced to attend 
 the temple, when some zealous votary lures him thither with 
 the promise of an after-recreation, in which " the choicest spe- 
 cimens of the sweet songstresses of Ind" enrapture the senses 
 by their voluptuous song and dance. The Pundahs like the elders 
 of old, are connoisseurs of beauty ; and those who cannot afford 
 the lure of wealth, make use of the lure of beauty to ensure 
 the honour of the Pundah' 's presence. 
 
 The office of Pundah is hereditary ; and where the family 
 has increased, a division of the profits of the temple proceeds is 
 always made. Fierce contentious take place among the brother- 
 hood for their shares, and then the easily-gotten wealth of 
 the Pundahs finds a chanilel for itself into the pockets of the 
 Vakeels of the Civil Courts. Tact and ability, however, render 
 one of the parties superior to the others ; and he becomes, in 
 fact, the Pundah Jee. 
 
 The Pundahs do not confine themselves to the affairs of their 
 temples, but are lauded proprietors and money-lenders. They 
 mix themselves up in the affairs of everybody, and make for 
 themselves enemies by the unfairness of their dealings, or by 
 pushing their creditors to extremity, by bribing the myrmidons 
 of the law to ruin the creditors by the law. " Ayarub Koomar 
 Stvaiee" was one of these Hindoo prelates, and was recipient 
 of the superfluous wealth of the Dukhan. Lakhs of rupees 
 flowed into his coffers to lay out in " poojha-pat" for the bene- 
 fit of the donors. The Su-amee offered up vicarious sacrifices in 
 the names, and for the benefit of the senders ; and he himself, 
 by his sanctimonious office, so throve by pretending to dispense 
 the charity of others, that his reputed wealth was enormous, 
 besides being proprietor of houses and lands and villages. One 
 evening, at dusk, as Ayarub Koomar Sicamee proceeded to the 
 temple of " Keedarnath" to perform certain rites ; and, as 
 he perambulated the temple, previously to entering therein, he 
 was shot dead with a pistol, which burst in the assassin's hand. 
 But although hundreds of persons witnessed the deed, nobody 
 recognised the homicide, and he made off. Some days afterwards, 
 a man from the Teliitgah country was found in the haunts of 
 some noted budmashes. with his right hand injured by the ex- 
 plosion of gunpowder. The Magistrate succeeded in* adducing 
 sufficient proof to hang him ; but it was never known for certain, 
 who had instigated the homicide. As usual, in such cases, the 
 most contradictory and absurd reports were spread : but the most 
 probable conjecture is, that some rich party, with whom IK was
 
 26 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 at law, and whom lie had pushed hard, had instigated the murder. 
 
 Many a dark deed has beeu done, and is done, in the extensive 
 houses of these Pundalis and Poojarecs. While the gong is 
 loudly sounding, and scores of athletic priests are flowing sunkhs* 
 in the numerous temples that are dotted about and around the 
 houses, the last expiring shriek of some victim is, perhaps, sup- 
 pressed by the noise. Disobedient " chelas"^ victims of jea- 
 lousy, and unnatural crimes, die by slow torture, or poison, or 
 famine. No intimation is, or can be, g'iven to the police ; for 
 none but the initiated and privileged may enter these houses, 
 sanctified by the numerous temples. And who, but the most de- 
 voted and trust- worthy, are ever permitted to see the dark places 
 where crime is committed. It is believed generally, but I speak 
 not from experience (for being of the faith of Islam, I am not 
 permitted to approach such places), that in the innermost re- 
 cesses of several temples, is a shrine dedicated to " Deuce" or 
 " JBhoivanee ;" those infernal Deities whose delight is in blood, 
 where children of tender age are enticed, and offered up on cer- 
 tain occasions. Frequent are the reports made to the police that 
 children are missing the informants suspect nobody ; and no 
 trace of the innocents is ever found.' Can it be that they are 
 the victims of the horrible suspicion I have alluded to ? 
 
 A Pundah consulted some learned Brahmins about the 
 horoscope of his infant son, his first-born. It was foretold that 
 the shadow of the child would press heavily upon the fortunes 
 .or life of the father. The Pundah took the infant in his arms, 
 fondled it with apparent delight. On returning it to the 
 mother's arms it was a breathless corpse. He had squeezed the 
 nape of the neck, to prevent the fulfilment of the horoscope ! ! ! 
 .Some person inimical to him lodged a formal complaint before 
 the Magistrate. The Magistrate, after taking the deposition of 
 the informant, summoned tke Pundali to appear in person and 
 miswcr to the charge of infanticide. He evaded process for a 
 long while ; but, at last, was forced to appear before the Iluzoor. 
 But what can simple honesty of purpose in a Magistrate do 
 against the combinations of wealth and venality ? The Pundn.h 
 was acquitted " from want of judicial proof." ' 
 
 As for the Poojarees, "whose name is legion," their mal-prac- 
 tices are the theme of every discourse. They are the usual heirs 
 of all persons dying intestate, when the deceased have any pro- 
 perty to leave. Their quarrels form the bulk of the cases in the 
 Civil Courts. Instead of the monastic rigidity of morals, which 
 they obtain credit for, they are more than , suspected of all the 
 vices imputed to the monks. How rapidly-soever the Hindoos of 
 the present clay may be casting oil' the shackles of an enslaving 
 creed, and they begin to think for themselves, and to believe 
 that all maii^ind has emanated from one Supreme Divinity ; yet 
 they are influenced by their Poojarees and Pumhtlis more than 
 I can describe. One besetting practice has long existed ; for men, 
 
 * Large shells, f Disciples Scholars.
 
 THE GHATEAS, GUXGAPOOTRAS, &C. 2? 
 
 whose marriages have proved unfruitful, to take their wives to 
 the shrines appropriated for the purpose, and to leave them 
 there, for a period of weeks or of months ; and such is generally 
 the efficacy bt the practice that fertility is the result, to the joy 
 and belief of the happy husband. 
 
 CHAP. XI. 
 
 
 
 THE GHATEAS, GUXGAPOOTRAS, AXD AGHOBPTTXTS. 
 
 I said that the " PundaJis" of the temples in " KasJiee" are a 
 curse to the city. How then shall I describe the ' ; Gunga- 
 2)0otras" and the"" Ghafeas" who, like a foul ulcer, are daily in- 
 creasing, and eroding the vitals of their deluded victims ? From 
 the Burna Sunr/tim r/Jiat to the Assee, a distance of some five 
 miles, the bank of the Gauges is besprinkled with temples, cutclia 
 chubootras, or wooden platforms, called tukJit poshes that over- 
 look the brink of the holy stream ; and scarcely a cubit's length 
 is left for a landing-place for boats and travellers. Every one 
 of these chulootras or tukltfposhes, is occupied by its proprietor, 
 who sits cross-legged, in (he simple dignity of nudity with his 
 " ckundini"* and flowers, mumbling out in a measured and mono- 
 tonous voice the names of their favored divinities. Every ortho- 
 dox Hindoo, as he comes out of the broad bosom of Gunga-maee, 
 makes an offering to the Ghatea ; who, in return, marks his 
 forehead with chundun, and pronounces a blessing on him. 
 But when the bathers are foreigners, they are not permitted 
 even to approach the stream, in places occupied by the Ghateas, 
 until they pay down the sum demanded from them. Numerous 
 are the petitions given in to the* Sabeb Magistrate Bahadoor 
 against these GJiateas, and frequently an order is passed to the 
 police to see that the complainants are* not prevented from taking 
 a dip. In such cases the Ghateas commence a volley of curses, 
 the most foul and blasphemous that can be imagined. And what 
 Hindoo can stand out against the curses of a Brahmin and a 
 GJiatea ? The bathers appeal to the police burkundazes, but they 
 coolly say, " We have no orders to prevent the Ghatcas from 
 speaking." If a small douceur be offered, it is indignantly re- 
 jected, and the bathers reflect that if a considerable gratuity is to 
 be given, they had better conform to the " dustur" and give it 
 to the Ghateas-ns "poon"^ 
 
 Some of these GJiateas go to the most distant provinces, and 
 join a troop of pilgrims coming to Benares. Or they follow in 
 the wake of some Eajah or Baboo, who has vowed to perform a 
 a tour of pilgrimages. The whole of the party are then dubbed 
 " luBJijman8"$ by the Gkatea. He considers them under his 
 special protection. No one else may take a fraction from them ; 
 and the Ghatea and his partners alone reap the harvest. If 
 other GJiateas interfere, serious affrays ensue ; and the Magis- 
 trate is bewildered with their mutual complaints and recrimina- 
 
 * Sandal wood. f Good work. J A person who employs pricsti.
 
 28 REVELATIONS OF AX ORDERLY, 
 
 tions. Suppose thiat the rich pilgrims choose to assert indepen- 
 dence of will, and to make presents to other GJiateas, then the 
 parties, who think themselves aggrieved, threaten to stab them- 
 selves in the presence of the pilgrims ; and rather than be res- 
 ponsible for shedding the blood of a Ghatea, they are fain to 
 give in on any conditions. 
 
 The " Gungapootras'''' are " sons of the Granges," and exercise 
 despotic sway in their domain of the " Munkiirnika" Their 
 numbers are considerable ; and in the division of spoil, desperate 
 conflicts occur. But they know that " union is strength ; and 
 consequently always combine to' hunt the common prey the 
 Hindoo public. The " JJiiitktiraika" is a reservoir lined with 
 flags of hewn stone on the bank of the Ganges. During the 
 rise of the river, it is filled with the sacred stream. Besides 
 which, a puny springlet dribbles into this basin from the land- 
 side ; and during the hottest season of the year, suffices to keep 
 up a filthy puddle, rendered more and more impure by the daily 
 immersion of hundreds ; but nevertheless, this filthy semifluid 
 matter is looked upon by the Hindoo as the purest of the pure 
 the cleanser from sin and moral impurity. The " JKoondh" is 
 thronged every morning by votaries, each with his silver in hand, 
 to bestow upon his Giingapootra. and eager to plunge into the 
 basin of holy water. Arid who dares venture to take a dip in it 
 without first obtaining the permission of the Gungapootras T 
 He would run the risk of being beaten to death ; or of being found 
 " suffocated by accident" as he dipped into the Koondh. Mr. 
 Prinsep gives the following account : 
 
 " Gungapootras (sons of the Ganges), who enjoy hereditary 
 possession of most of the ground between high and low water 
 mark : the third sort consists of mntJis or mul'hees (small tem- 
 ples), erected at the expense of pilgrims and others ; they gene- 
 rally have a flat roof to serve still as a chubootra for the pro- 
 prietor or Ghatea to sit upon, who not imfrequently allows the 
 temple to fall into premature decay, and sells the space again to 
 another pious dupe. As a criterion of the Value of such property, 
 it may be mentioned, that when Maharaja Sindea, in 1829, wished 
 to repair the dilapidated ghat of Beereswur, next adjoining to 
 Munkurnika gliat, he could not obtain the good will of the 
 Gungapootras under 15,000 rupees, although they were promised 
 the reconstruction of their chubootras, and their right of occu- 
 pancy was to remain unfringed." 
 
 These Gungapootras and Ghateas are generally the greatest 
 " budmaslies" in the place. There is not a, crime or enormity of 
 which they are not suspected, but of which they are supposed 
 to be incapable. Violent assaults on women and boys, with cri- 
 minal intent, are common ; but very few such cases are ever 
 reported by the police, or if reported, they are slurred over and 
 represented as ' tukrar-i-kJn>feef."* The assailants are protected 
 by their wealth and their position ; and unless the complainants 
 can afford to pay more largely than the Ghateas, they are not 
 
 * A petty dispute.
 
 THE GHATEAS, GUNGAPOOTRAS, &C. 29 
 
 likely to obtain redress. A common practice among the disre* 
 putable of these Gliateas is to jostle a well-dressed woman, and 
 to snatch from her nose or ears the golden jewels she wears, 
 In dense crowds of thousands, cooped up in narrow thorough- 
 fares, it is not easy to catch these mis^ivanfs ; and if caught, 
 they easily evade proof by giving the robbed je.vel to their com- 
 panions, who pass it from one to another with the rapidity of 
 thought. i 
 
 The most loathsome sight at the ghats are the " AgTiorpunt 
 fuqueers," (Anglice Ogres), practical philosophers, who affect to 
 disbelieve that there is any difference between things, and who 
 avow that any difference depends upon the imagination. A cuff 
 or a kick is as immaterial to them as a blessing. They go about 
 in puris nuturalibus with a fresh human skull in their hands, 
 (off which they had previously eaten the putrid flesh, and from 
 which afterwards with their fingers scooped out the brain and 
 eyes) into which is poured whatsoever is given them to drink. 
 They pretend to be indifferent whether it be ardent spirits or 
 milk, or foul water. Their food is the first thing that offers, 
 whether it be a putrid corpse, cooked food, or ordure. With 
 matted hair, blood-red eyes, and body covered with filth and 
 vermin, the Aglwrpunt is an object of terror and disgust to 
 everybody. He looks rather a wolf, ready to destroy and then 
 devour his prey, than a human being. I once saw a wretch of 
 this fraternity eating the head of a putrid corpse, and as I pass- 
 ed by he howled and pointed to me ; and then scooped out the 
 eyes and eat them before me. I had my matchlock in niy hand, 
 and was within an ace of putting a ball into his head, for I 
 deemed him a wolf ; and, in fact, hp was a brute. 
 
 A Magistrate took up a monster of this sort drinking liquor 
 out of a bloody human skull. He was in a fearful state of in- 
 toxication, and had a kind of Malay crease, a spiral dagger about 
 a cubit long, a blow from which would have been death. The 
 Magistrate had him taken up at once. On referring to the re- 
 cords of the ofiice, it was ascertained that the wretch had been 
 thrice imprisoned in jail for rape, for assault amounting almost 
 to homicide, and for being a vagrant. The Magistrate ordered 
 him to furnish heavy security for his good behaviour ; or in de- 
 fault, to be imprisoned for three years. In all such cases the 
 Magistrate is bound to make a report to the Judge, who sent for 
 the misl of the case, and released the Aglwrpwit. 
 
 Should not such monsters in human shape rather be incar- 
 cerated for life as , disgrace to humanity ? Or would the pre- 
 cepts of Islam not sanction the wholesale slaughter of such 
 brutes ? But the Hindoos themselves look upon the Ayliorpunts 
 with veneration ; and none of them would dare to drive him away 
 from their doors. Strange infatuation in a people to worship in- 
 carnations of the divinity in every bestial shape, and to respect 
 men even lower than the brutes.
 
 30 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 CHAP. XII. 
 GEXEEAL VENALITY A^D PEEJTJRY OF OrnciALS. 
 
 A practice has long prevailed, although it is less frequent now 
 than it used to be, for people who were at feud, or when the 
 object was to extort money from wealthy individuals', to \>und 
 themselves, and to charge others with the crime. In the good old 
 days when Magistrates were content to look through the specta- 
 cles of their Omlah, the practice was rife ; and many an innocent 
 man has been punished by imprisonment for years through the 
 perjury of witnesses and the venality of officials. Jubbur Khan 
 assured me that he saw a budmash, of the Mohulla Ilitrlia, who 
 had cut his throat from ear to ear with a tulwar, merely to cri- 
 minate a neighbour, whom he suspected of an intrigue with his 
 wife ; that the man's wound tool^six months to heal ; and that 
 he was not imprisoned for having made a false and malicious 
 charge, solely owing to the desperate manner in which he had 
 wounded himself. Jubbur Khan was A party in investigating a 
 case of this nature ; and I shall relate the particulars as I heard 
 them from him. 
 
 ' Sheo Suliaee Sinyli, alias Singha, had been repeatedly impri- 
 soned for gambling, aggravated assaults, and budmashee. He 
 managed to insinuate himself into the good graces of -some of 
 the officials of the Kotwalee, and he used to be constantly seen. 
 at the Kotwalee, on pretence of attending on the bazaar that is 
 daily held in the clwulc to the eastward cf the Kotwalee. Ex- 
 tensive ranges of stone and brick shops have lately been built 
 by the exertions of the Magistrate Bahadoor, and w r ealthy 
 Muhajuns and brokers have settled therein, for the protection 
 afforded them by the vicinity of the police station of the city. 
 The old Kotwalee is to the south of the new one, witli only a 
 road between ; and any row taking place on the road should at 
 once be suppressed by the police who are on the spot. But the 
 focus of a policeman's vision is dependent entirely on circum- 
 stances, and should not be judged of by an ordinary standard. 
 
 ' One dark night, between the hours of nine and ten, not fifty, 
 years ago, two cloth Muhajuus, Balkishan Dass and Uootchnoo, 
 alias Ram KisJiun, were returning to their houses for the night, 
 accompanied by Bisheshur Singh, a retainer, and some other 
 followers. As they approached the pliatuk* ,of the old Kotwalee 
 they were rushed upon by three men, calling out ' war mar? 
 The Muhajuns and their party gathered close together for mutual 
 defence, w'ben, in the twinkling of an eye, one of the assailants 
 was seen weltering in his blood lying on the ground. His com- 
 panions shouted ' dalcah- clakaJi,'^ and a Jemadar of police and 
 a phatukbundee % came to the rescue as if by magic. The Muha- 
 
 * Gateway. f Dacoity Hub' J "Waiclunan of the gateway.
 
 VENALITY AND PERJURY OF OFFICIALS. 31 
 
 juns and their party were thunderstruck, and could neither 
 advance nor retreat from fear and surprise. The wounded man 
 proved to be one Bhyro Ahir, alias Gvjjoo, who declared to the 
 witnesses that Bisheshur Singh had wantonly cut him down with 
 a sword, as he arid Singha and another were peaceably passing 
 the Muhajun's party on the high-road. Singlia sang to the same 
 tune, and the Jemadar Saheb apprehended the Muhajuna and 
 Bisheshur Singh, and took them all to the Kotwalee. I need not 
 describe how the feet of the Muhajuns were put into the stocks, 
 nor how they were freed therefrom ; suffice it, that after the 
 usual tuhkettkat (which means ascertaining nothing, and fleecing ' 
 and bullying the Mohulla people) the case was sent up to the 
 Saheb Bahadoor, the report purporting that the charge of assault 
 and wounding with a s\vord was fully proved against the Mu- 
 hajuns. 
 
 ' The Magistrate, instead of having the depositions of parties 
 taken in the ' sheristah,' or in a corner of his own room, was 
 one of those haJcims that would do every thing himself. So he 
 boxed the prosecutor and defendants together before himself, and 
 kept the witnesses at a distance, and apart from one another. 
 The prosecutor, on oath, recognised Bisheshur Singh as the party 
 who had cut him down with a sword without enmity or provoca- 
 tion ; deponed that his companion Singha snatched away the naked 
 sword from Bisheshur' s hand and seized him, and delivered him 
 to the police, who came up just then. Singha swore in the same 
 strain, with this difference, that Bisheshur Singh threw his own 
 sword down after wounding Gujjoo. On being asked what he 
 had been doing at that time of night with Gujjoo, he alleged 
 that they had met by accident ne,ur the Kotwalee. The police 
 Jemadar and pTiatttkbundee gave the same story. The defendants 
 denied the charge. They alleged that they were proceeding 
 homewards ; and that as they were passing t'ae Kotwalee, 
 Gujjoo and Singha rushed at them, Singha having a drawn 
 sword in his hand ; that they stopped suddenly, and Singha, cut 
 down his companion Gujjoo, threw down the sword, and cry- 
 ing out ' dakah dakah,' seized Bisheshur Sinyh and made him 
 over, with his whole party, to the Jetnad'ar of police and 
 phatukbtiiidee, who appeared so suddenly as to lead to the con- 
 clusion that they expected to hear of the attack, and that, iu 
 fact, they were accomplices. The Muhajuns gave in a similar 
 defence, and asked wiiether people of their caste and profes- 
 sion were in the habit of u^ing swords, and assaulting such 
 well-known ludmash&e and desperadoes as Gujjoo and Singha? 
 
 ' Tae magistrate himself instituted inquiries, and ascertained 
 from th? Jemadar and phatukbundees stationed at ' Rajah-ka~ 
 durwazah,' that Gujjoo and Siuyha had attempted to pass their 
 po3c.abo;i an hour before they met the party of Muhajuns ; bufc 
 seeing Singha with a sheathed tulwar iu his hand, they pre- 
 vented their passing, and turned them back. Certain budmashees 
 who were in jail, and old friends of Singha, recognised the 
 tulwar as a favourite weapon of hia. In short, from the whole
 
 32 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 of the bearings of the case it was plain that the charge against 
 the Muhajuns was false and malicious, therefore they were re- 
 leased. And as Singha had contradicted himself in two distinct 
 depositions given upon oath, in such a manner as to amount to 
 perjury, he was committed to the Sessions, and was sentenced to 
 imprisonment with labour in irons for seven years.' 
 
 Another common trick of the budmashes is to entice people of 
 decent condition into their private houses, with seductive solicita- 
 tions, and after amusing them to keep them there until they 
 put their names to papers, just by way of showing specimens 
 of their autographs. They have documents ready cut and dry 
 on stamp papers of different value, duly witnessed by people who 
 are in their pay. or who participate in their frauds, to be con- 
 verted into penal bonds for value received. Months afterwards 
 the unfortunate visitor is accosted in any public place, in the pre- 
 sence of numerous witnesses, and asked for the amount of his 
 (extorted) bond. Of course the debt is denied, and the de- 
 mander is cursed only for his pains. But the budmash calls 
 people to witness that he did ask his debtor to pay the amount 
 of his bond, which lie refused to discharge. An action for debt 
 is instituted. The budmash produces the bond before the Moon- 
 Biff. The witnesses are summoned, and are merely asked, 'Did 
 yon witness this tumassook ?' ' I did, your Avorship,' is the 
 reply, ' this is my signature.' The witnesses, before whom the 
 budmash demanded the amount of the bond, also confirm the 
 plaintiff's allegation. The defendant can only deny the claim, and 
 submit that the bond was extorted. ' Where is the proof ?' 
 says the Moorisiff. ' \ have none,' is the reply. And a decree is. 
 given in favour of plaintiff with eosts. It is only when ' Greek 
 meets Greek' that the result is different. Then the defendant 
 acknowl edges the deed ; but alleges that he has paid the amount 
 with interest ; and files a receipt for the amount of the bond, 
 with interest at twelve per cent, duly attested by three ' credible* 
 witnesses, who appear before ' the Huzoor, and swear to their 
 signatures, as well as to having seen the money repaid to the 
 plaintiff. Here then is a go ! and to decide according to jus- 
 tice is not an easy matter. 
 
 A celebrated Judge and Legislator, a just and honest man, who 
 knew the native character well, candidly confessed, that when- 
 ever he had such a posing case before him, he desired the 
 Sheristadar to read away he shut his eyes, as if in deep cogi- 
 tation while all the beholders conceived that he was weighing 
 the merits of the case mentally; he was^ in truth, making up 
 his mind to decide, according to the doctrines of chance, whether 
 it should be as the number of flies on the punkah were odd 
 or even ! ' Odd for plaintiff,' the Judge mentally resolves he 
 opens his eyes, looks at the punkah, and counts two flies against 
 the plaintiff. ' Hookoom hooah ke, udum-siiboot men, moqudum- 
 mah dismiss ho.'* Verily, this man was ' a Daniel.' 
 
 * It is ordered, that, owing to want of proof, the case be disini
 
 SWINDLING AND OPPRESSION. 
 
 33 
 
 CHAP. XIII. 
 
 BULBHUDDEE SING PERSONATES A RAJAH ; TAKES A GREAT 
 HOUSE ; AND DECAMPS AT NIGHT WITH HIS PLUNDER. 
 
 In my last I hinted at the practice of the ludmashes of 
 forcing people to give them bonds for sums never lent to them ; 
 and then of ruining them by sueing for the amount in the sub- 
 ordinate Civil Courts. I now proceed to notice another abuse 
 of daily occurrence. This is the constant and grinding oppres- 
 sion of the ' phereedarsj* who are servants of the budmashes 
 and usurers, and who go about forcing poor people to give 
 them a portion of that pittance which they earn, literally, by 
 the toil of their hands and the sweat of their brows. 
 
 A poor widow supports herself and children by slaving at the 
 clnikkee (grinding mill) day and night if that can be called 
 support, where the poor creatures contrive, with all their toil, 
 to earn a few ounces of meal, or perhaps, four pice a day ; out 
 of which a plierecdar, who had lent her a rupee live years' back, 
 and who had received back double the sum, continues to de- 
 mand tcco pice a day ! In vain she pleads that she has repaid 
 him in vain urges that she must give her "children food, even 
 if she herself starve, lie throws her on the ground, kicks her, 
 and drags her about, until human nature can stand it no longer, 
 and she faints ! The neighbours hear a noise and run to the 
 poor woman's house, just as the plicreedar is leaving it. They 
 see her Iviug insensible and giv her aid. But the pJiereedar 
 gives them a hint, that if they dare to give evidence in the 
 matter he will serve them in the same way. The poor widow- 
 begs of her neighbours the sum of eight annas to purchase a 
 stamped paper on which alone a petition may be written ; and 
 she begs of some compassionate Mookti/ar (a rara avis) to en- 
 gross the petition for her, she presents this to the Saheb Magis- 
 trate, and with tears and loud cries implores his protection. 
 He orders her deposition to be taken on oath ; and in considera- 
 tion of her extreme indigence directs that enquiry be made 
 through the police. The thanadar goes to the spot, asks every 
 witness what he knows in the matter ? The invariable reply is, 
 that the witness knows nothing. I will suppose the thanadar 
 to be an honest man as far as ordinary circumstances are con- 
 cerned, and that ke really intends to do justice in this case. 
 "What can he do : The witnesses named by the poor widow 
 turn against her, and the ilianadar is obliged to report that 
 ' charge is not proven l>y the icit nesses of the prosecutrix.' Xow. 
 how can the Magistrate punish ? AVhere is the legal proof ? 
 The witnesses dare not give honest evidence ! ' Of what use 
 then are laws and legal and police- establishments ?' you ask, I 
 
 * Vagabonds.
 
 34 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 answer, that they are only fit to awe the weak. There is no law 
 that has yet been passed, that a clever scoundrel cannot break 
 through. And thanks to the policy of an enlightened age, the 
 spread of education is only enabling the natives to become 
 keener rogues. Every common ' gunwar'* quotes his ' Tcantrac- 
 tions\ and ' surkoolar hookoom ;'J and nine out of ten of the 
 hangers-on of the courts know only so much of English as to 
 render them dangerous eaves-droppers. 
 
 A common mode of swindling in the city of Kasliee as prac- 
 tised by the clever Imdmnshcs is, for one of the party to perso- 
 nate a Rajah on a visit of ceremony to the holy city ; while his 
 companions pretend to precede him and hire a stately huvelee 
 in ' Dal-ka-Munduvee' which 'they furnish for the nonce. 
 Bulbhuddur Singh sits in state as Ifajah GucJipuch liae, bedecked 
 in false gems, and dressed in shawls and kimkhabs (anglice 
 kingcobs). His retainers go about the city, and entice shawl- 
 merchants and jewellers to the Rajah's house. They arrive 
 with costly wares, and eagerly proceed to expose them ; but the 
 Rajah turns an indifferent eye upon them, and declares they are 
 not sufficiently choice for him. The Soudagurs^ promise to return 
 next day. In the mean time the song and dance proceed with 
 fierce revelry. Six sets of the best dancing women exert their 
 lungs and limbs, and go through every fascinating movement 
 to delight and amuse Rajah Gitclipitch. Itae. AVhere is my 
 treasurer, exclaims the Rajah. Bid him bestow a largess of 100. 
 Ushurfees \ on these soul-euslaving terrestrial houries. A retainer, 
 after going through the farce of a search, respectfully approaches 
 his Highness, and intimates that the treasurer has not yet 
 arrived. The nimukharam ! .lehact/ali !*{, exclaims the Rajah. 
 Here fellows, see that a proper treasurer be in attendance on the 
 morrow, to whom we shall deliver our treasure and iosheh- 
 khanah.** The Rajah enjoys Himself until no longer able to sus- 
 tain excitement ; and then the gitndrupinsff retire, and the 
 torches are extinguished. 
 
 Next day, there are several candidates for the honor of the 
 treasurer's office, who eagerly offer to serve. The salary is 200 
 rupees a month, says the Rajah, and I hate accounts ; constant 
 attendance and implicit obedience are all I require. After reject- 
 ing some, His Highness fixes upon Lalla L'/nbeka Sahaee, who 
 receives a well-worn shawl as a k'/.i/l/.tf^ and an immense kev. 
 He ventures to ask where the treasury is '; And is told to wait 
 until the huzrut has leisure to show it to him. In the mean time 
 the R.-ijah suddenly recollects that he has .immediate occasion 
 for 1,000 rupees, and lie shouts out: ' Here Ijahadoor, take 1,000 
 rupees from Lalla Umbeka Sahaee and give it to Eishcshitr 
 Singh, and be sure to take a receipt for the money. Tell him it 
 is the price of a ring I bought of him for my favourite Goolbe- 
 
 f Villager. f Constructions of regulations. Circular Orrlers. 
 
 Tradespeople. || Gold Mohurs. *" Unfaithful to salt. Shameless. 
 ** Place for keeping valuables. caste of Hindoo Nauteh-girls. 
 
 XJ Dr<vK of honour.
 
 SWINDLING AND OPPRESSION. 35 
 
 har.' Bauadoor asks the treasurer the money. The poor man 
 looks aghast, and shews huge key as all he has received of the 
 Elijah's treasure. But Baltadoor tells him that Rajah Gucltpucli 
 Rae never fyils to cut off the oars of a disobedient servant. So 
 the hint is taken, and the Lai! a gives an c-r.ier en h 
 the city for the amount. And BulnnLur at once- procc* 
 realise the money. As evening approaches shawi- ..sand 
 
 jewellers again appear^ and press their w.ares on the Esjah. 
 Tliey see Lalla U.-nbel: figuring- as treasurer. They are 
 
 old acquaintances ; and they ask him the amount of Guclrpuch 
 Rae's treasure. In reply TO which, he simply shews tlie key', 
 about a foot in length. The nKTchants open out their \vares to 
 entice the Eajah ; but he says he will wait until all his things 
 arrive. They oiler to leave their hundles for the Eajah and his 
 ladies to choose, which is agreed to with apparent indifference. 
 The song and dance proceed as usual until midnight, when, as 
 usual, the torches are extinguished. 
 
 Next morning, what a change has taken place. One old man is 
 seated at the doorway, dosing over a chilhim of ganjah. Xo 
 other sign of life is visible in Itajali Ghichpvch Eae's palace. The 
 treasurer arrives first, opens and rubs his eyes, and asks the old 
 man where the Eajah and his people have gone ? He replies, 
 that they decamped before dawn. In due couive, the Muliajans, 
 the jewellers, and birds of song arrive, but nothing of the Eajah 
 is to be found ; and smoke-stained walls, and filth, and litter 
 about the rooms, alone betray that revelry Jiad been there ! The 
 jewellers arid Ai, : urn in wrath upon LaUa Lmleka 
 
 SaJiaee, and tax him with having aided to cheat them. They 
 proceed first to abuse, and then ,to beat him. In vain the poor 
 man shews the huge key, and laments his thousand rupees lost 
 for ever. They drag him to the Kotwal, and charge him with 
 having cheated them ; and the defrauded treasurer remains in 
 durance vile for a week at least; and gets off at last, on proving 
 himself to be one of the victims of this system of swindling, and 
 after feeing the police myrmidons pretty roundly. 
 
 "Who is ever to find out what worthy personated Eajah GucJi- 
 pucTi Rae, Avhen hundreds and thousands of travellers are daily 
 passing to and from the holy city ? 
 
 I happened to be present at a curious decision by a Saheb 
 who had magisterial powers. A MuJiajun desired his nephew 
 to purchase a piece of kiinkhal. He did so, but cutoff a yard 
 for his own use. The Muliajun charged the lad with theft. 
 After hearing all parties, the Hakim most sapiently ordered, 
 that the Muhajun should pay a fine of ten rupees, and his 
 nephew receive ten stripes. " For God's sake, sir," begged the 
 Muhajun. " do not inflict stripes on my nephew, for the whole 
 family will be disgraced. And what offence have I committed 
 worthy of fine." The Saheb sharply remarked, "That the Mulia- 
 jun deserved to be fined for having a rogue as an accomplice ; 
 and the nephew deserved stripes, because he had stolen a yard of 
 kimMab" ! ! I The order was carried out.
 
 36 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY, 
 
 CHAP. XIV. 
 
 THE GHATS AT BEXABES DUEI>"& AN ECLIPSE. 
 
 Have any of ray readers had the curiosity to visit the ghats 
 during the occurrence of an eclipse of the suu. or moon. ? If 
 not, 1 would urge them to go once on such an occasion. The 
 living tide that keeps pouring in from^all the principal roads 
 into the city some time before the event, is of itself an imposing 
 and interesting spectacle. The human wave, as it rolls along 
 the streets, gains accession from every lane and bye-way, and 
 is at once amassed upon the banks of the holy stream, the TJltima 
 Thule of the grand struggle the eternal hum. the shout the 
 struggles, as the strong push away the weak to open a passage 
 for themselves, afford a vast field for study to the contempla- 
 tive. Then, again, the variety of costume, the drapery of every 
 possible hue, captivate the attention of those who delight in the 
 philosophy of dress ; but, above all, the enormous crowd brought 
 to a stand still the living mass squeezed together in a small 
 space, at once conveys to the mind the 'enormous fecundity of the 
 human species. Contemplate them closely, and if you have 
 been accustomed to read human nature, you will see in every 
 face expressions of the feelings that are ruling within. Philoso- 
 phers of every shade might, at such gatherings, find subjects for 
 study and instruction. But let me now leave generalities, and 
 enter into particulars. 
 
 Look at the crowd, the struggle yonder shows that an official, 
 or a rich native gentleman, is pushing forward. The one is 
 mounted in a toujon, the other is on horse-back. The troop 
 of people running with switches in their hands are their follow- 
 ers ; they are striking the feet of the rabble shouting "furuJc, 
 furuk ; "* but still they cannot penetrate the crowd ; the horse- 
 man is obliged to stop, and the tonjoii is forced up from the 
 shoulders of the bearers above upon the heads of the crowd, with 
 the occupant in a perilous position. 
 
 Suppose you have managed to reach the jttunJcurniJca gliat in 
 safety. By all means have a boat ready there for your recep- 
 tion ; hasten on board, and take an elevated position, that you 
 may compass as much of the spectacle on shore as possible, and 
 drop down the river leisurely. What do you see ? A vast con- 
 course of living heads upon the surface of the water, bobbing up 
 and down in alternate succession ; and, O ! horrors among 
 them, several loathsome corpses gyrating in the eddies made by 
 the bather ; nor are they shunned, although the effluvia from 
 them is sufficiently powerful to kill a horse. There a young 
 girl rises from her immersion, and finds a dead body in her arms. 
 She transfers it, without any sign of disgust, to an octogenarian 
 female neighbour, whose charms have long been veiled over by a 
 
 * Aside, be off.
 
 THE GHATS AT BENARES. 37 
 
 uet-work of wrinkles, aud who now sees an emblem of what she 
 is soon likely to be, but she loathes it not she passes it on with 
 becoming civility. ]S"ow, you see a stout, upright man, the 
 very figure-head of a sepoy, with a manikin, perhaps two years 
 old, seated on his shoulder, holding on like grim death by the 
 hair of his father's head, while the elderly gentleman gives him a 
 dip to his great delight, although not free from the chances of 
 suffocation. Nor are tb^ scenes along the ghats solemn and 
 purely ceremonial. Love has its dominion here also, but in its 
 grotesque and primitive shape. Behold yonder are a group of 
 beautiful nymphs, gracing the chocolate coloured stream like rich 
 lotuses in full bloom. Mark that young man with a smooth brow 
 and athletic frame ; he has been viewing the nymphs for some 
 time, he can no longer resist their charms, he dives, now he rises 
 among them ; he looks amorously upon them all, and then grave- 
 ly utters his apology, with mock solemnity ushanan kea push- 
 nan nea, to nam lea penneshur Tea bom, bom, bom. One girl 
 ventures to look at him, and seeing that he is a love of a man, 
 returns a glance of fire, and inadvertently drops a flower ; he 
 picks it up, and keeps it as .a token. Xow, for some fun : the 
 chevaliers d' Industrie are busy yonder. Do you see that group of 
 females bedecked with costly jewels, bathing as if it were by 
 themselves, see that girl taking a dip, a nimble-fingered gentleman 
 dives simultaneously, the nymph rises suddenly muyah-re-muyah 
 mere nuthnee gye.* This attracts attention, and the spoiler es- 
 capes. You hear another scream soon after, duydh-re-duyah 
 mere balee gye,\ sure enough her pendants are gone : there 
 stands one with a nose rent clean to the nostril, and the other 
 with bleeding ears. But this is nothing often has the female 
 entire been carried off Tor the sake of what she had on her per- 
 son, and the mugger^ gets credit for tjie abduction. The riflers 
 are expert divers, and are sure to emerge in a crowd of bathers 
 unperceived, roaring bom, bom, Mahadeo, a sort of thanksgiving 
 for the furtive success. 
 
 Dropping down, you have a splendid panoramic view of the 
 stone ghats and buildings, the minarets, observatory, musjids, 
 and everything that renders Benares remarkable. You then pro- 
 ceed to Burna Sung urn, where the crowd is, perhaps, most dense. 
 Here the same farce of ceremonials is going on as elsewhere, and 
 the same plunder is as active as ever under all manner of inge- 
 nious contrivances ; but this ghat is remarkable for the scene 
 which occurred there some years ago. The river had been 
 insidiously undermining it for several years, and on that occa- 
 sion the weight of the crowd was more than it could bear, and it 
 suddenly gave way, carrying hundreds and hundreds of helpless 
 beings into the jaws of death. Nor was this all, the alarm- 
 ed multitude made a retrograde movement, and thousands were 
 crushed under the tread of the panic-stricken crowd. The police 
 
 * Mother ! O mother ! my nose-ring is gone ! 
 
 t Nurse ! O nurse ! my ear-ring is gone ! J The alligator.
 
 38 
 
 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 reported that one thousand individuals had perished ! But 
 the officials like to deal with even and low numbers ; it is 
 a convenient way of stripping horror of its disgusting features. 
 
 Such events furnish rare opportunities to the gentlemen who 
 live by their wits to practise their dexterity and earn their 
 utmost. Bangles, ear-rings, armlets and nose-rings, disappear as 
 well from the persons of the living as from the bodies of the 
 dead ; females generally are the victints. How the things are 
 carried off, and by whom, is a profound mystery. 
 
 One brawny fellow is carrying the body of a young woman, 
 carefully wrapped from head to foot, bewailing the unfortunate 
 and untimely death of his sister. The crowd respectfully make 
 way. He carries her to the nearest unfrequented spot, and 
 lays her down. She is stone dead, and her nose, ears, arms and 
 feet are all stripped of their ornaments. No longer useful to the 
 dead, he leaves the corpse on that spot, and goes to seek for the 
 living ; a wife, or perhaps, some other female relative ; but 
 where is she ? Alas ! gone. He becomes conscious of another 
 bereavement, and is plunged in the depths of misery ; and per- 
 haps becomes the immediate victim of lacerated feelings. Alas, 
 poor Hindoo ! had you no well of clear water in your vicinity to 
 purify yourself and family with ? 
 
 A curious story is yet told of a dome who flourished and was 
 finished in the days of" Junab Willium Welburfurs Btirrud Saheb 
 JBahadoor." He was a most expert diver. One day while 
 loitering for prey at the Munkurnika ghat, where the family of a 
 rich Muhajun were bathing, he espied among them a woman 
 richly decorated with jewels ; in a moment he contrived to get 
 into the river, and after playing about according to his wont, he 
 dived and disappeared ; the jewelled lady also disappeared ; 
 neither the one nor the other was seen to rise again, and her 
 friends were under the impression that some fierce alligator had 
 taken a fancy to her, and perpetrated the elopement. Several 
 days afterwards a devout person who had cleansed himself of hig 
 sins in the river, and was just stepping put on shore, acci- 
 dentally put his foot under a stone step, and there felt something 
 soft. He was immediately filled with suspicions, and communi- 
 cated his alarm to others. Some domes were sent for and the 
 body extricated from its cell ; it was the remains of the Muha- 
 jun's lady, denuded of all its costly ornaments. Suspicion rested 
 on no one : But the dome, who had committed the horrid out- 
 rage, was, some months afterwards, detected offering the jewels 
 for sale ; they were recognised as the property of the deceased. 
 The dome confessed, and expiated his crime on the gallows.
 
 I [IK FEKH1F.S. 
 
 CHAP. XV, 
 
 THE FEBR1ES, HOW T11EY ANSWER A GOVEHXMEST MONOPOLY. 
 
 The Ghat Manjhees, ghat and ferry thikadars, and the Chou- 
 dhurees of hackeries, or, in other words, the heads of guilds and 
 corporations are, perhapa, as great curses to the community, as 
 any other of the thousand evils under which it groans. Fre- 
 quently and anxiously the Magistrates have tried to devise plans, 
 for the prevention of oppression ; but the hest concerted schemes 
 have failed, from the extraordinary reverence of " the dustoor"* 
 to which the Natives of this country bow with as much defer- 
 ence as they do to their priests. Where proof of oppression can 
 be produced by a complainant, punishment will necessarily follow. 
 But I confess that no preventive measure occurs to me. 
 
 No boat of any kind puts to at any ghat, or leaves the ghats of 
 Benares, without the consent of the Ghat Manjhee and without 
 feeing him. No one can hire a boat, but a per-centage is put on 
 for the Ghat Manjhee : Ssudagurs employ this worthy to procure 
 boats for them ; and he puts down his own allowance in the bill, 
 as coolly as if he held a Queen's patent to make the charge. 
 A: European traveller applies to the Magistrate for boats, to pro- 
 ceed up or down the country. The Kotwal is ordered to procure 
 them. Even he can do nothing without the Ghat Manjhee, who 
 furnishes the boats, as well as directs the rates, with reference 
 to his own commission. They are in league with the Churundars^ 
 of boats, and with the servants of Muhajum, to defraud the In- 
 surance Companies. A very common trick is, to unload good 
 boats and let them to Soudagurs, and to put the packages or 
 other goods on unsound boats, after the boats have been reported 
 to the Agents and passed on. But the grand gains are on extra- 
 ordinary occasions, when boats are pressed for the use of the 
 army. Then the Ghat Manjhee is attended by the cliupprasees of 
 the Magistrate and the Commissariat officer ; and they go about 
 the Ghats, forcibly detaining private boats until fee'd ; and even 
 throwing out sacks of gfain, to rot or to be stolen, on the banks 
 of the river. If the owner of the boat or of the grain, protests or 
 makes any opposition, he is summarily dealt with, by receiving 
 a sound thrashing ; and then of being bundled away to the thanah, 
 as a contemner of authority. If a representation be made to the 
 Magistrate, and he attempt to put down such practices, the 
 Ghat Manjhee and police take good care that the proper number 
 of boats are not furnished ; and rather than run the risk of de- 
 taining troops, a Magistrate is forced to wink at such practices. 
 
 The ferries of every large river are annually farmed to the 
 highest bidder, on condition that he keep a sufficient number of 
 
 * Custom - A facetious and learned man, proposed that all the gods of the Hindoo 
 Pantheon should be shelved ; and the god Dustoor set up in their stead. 
 
 f Supercargo.
 
 40 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 good boats, properly manned, at every ferry. A stone slab is 
 affixed at the principal landing-places, stating the rates authorised 
 by tlie Saheb Magistrate, written in Persian and Nagree ; and on 
 proof of any departure from these rates, the farmer is punish- 
 able. But it is a universal complaint, that the farmers at the 
 ferries are the greatest extortioners : and who, for the sake of 
 one or two pice, would leave his occupation, or postpone his jour- 
 ney for several days, to prosecute the ijargdar for extortion and 
 infringement of the rules ? And if a complainant does come 
 forward manfully, to expose a public abuse, he must induce 
 some fellow-travellers to remain also as witnesses. In all cases, 
 judicial proof is difficult to obtain ; and the prosecutor is worried 
 and exhausted for his pains besides being out of pocket. 
 
 Some European recruits were crossing the river at Raj ghat ; and 
 my master, the Nazir Saheb, was directed to be in attendance, 
 and to see that no useless delays occurred. I accompanied him, 
 of course. We saw large boats, with about fifty Europeans on 
 board ; each worked across the river, merely by the swinging 
 motion of the rudder. On landing the men, the boatman was 
 pushing off, but the Nazir called out to me to seize him. I did 
 so. " Where are the three boatmen, you scoundrel, as^ directed 
 in your pottah ?" said the enraged Nazir. The " Gorah log* so 
 hurried us, that my two oar-men did not come up in time." 
 Upon this, I was desired to give him some gentle admonitions, 
 which I did, in the shape of sundry hard boxes on the face, 
 and some kicks on his " Western parts." We watched other 
 boats as they came to the ghat, but in almost all, there was a great 
 deficiency of danrees.^ " Go, Panchkouree," said the Nazir to 
 me, " and drag that fellow, Qunput Singh, to me. I will take 
 him before the Unzoor and get his ijarah cancelled, for thus 
 endangering the safety of the Cumpanee Tea Gora. I joined in 
 the virtuous indignation of ?he Nazir, and proceeded to Gun- 
 put's house. " Come in, Bhaee Panchkouree Khan," said the 
 wily farmer, " and take a chilum of delicious ganjah.' 1 '' But I 
 was not to be caught so easily, and I began to bluster and to 
 threaten to collar the farmer. " Oh ! my friend," he said, " have 
 a moment's patience. I had forgot to repay you the five 
 rupees I owe you for a tulwar I bought from you. Here is the 
 money." I felt the full force of his persuasive rhetoric, and pock- 
 eting the money, began smoking the chilum pleasantly. After 
 a time Gunput asked me why he had been sent for ? I 
 explained. " Is that all?" he said, " I will settle it at once." 
 He accompanied me to the Nazir, and most obsequiously salamed 
 to him. The Nazir commenced a volley of abuse, in which kind 
 mention of the farmer's sister and daughter was made. But the 
 farmer of the ferries, without moving a muscle of his counte- 
 nance, put a little chit into the Nazir 's hand ; and it was wonderful 
 to observe the sedative influence of that slip of paper. The Nazir 
 and the Ijaradar went away from the ghat, I following in 
 
 * Europeans. t Boatmen.
 
 THE FERRIES. 41 
 
 astonishment ; and a report was made to the Huzoor that the 
 Gorah log had crossed over without accident ! ! 
 It was during the height of the floods in the month of August, 
 
 in the year , that a ferry-boat was observed rushing down the 
 
 river with frightful rapidity. There were about seventy-five hu- 
 man beings on board ; and the water was scarcely six inches 
 from the edge of the boat. There were but two boatmen ; one 
 at the helm, and the other at an oar. The boat got into an eddy, 
 and the strength of tlie boatmen was unequal to extricate her. 
 She went round once, and canted over, head-foremost, and not a 
 vestige of boat or of the passengers was there ! The farmer of the 
 ferries was fined for his neglect, in not seeing to the efficiency 
 of his boats. But was that punishment at all sufficient for 
 the loss of so many lives ? Surely a case of this kind may be con- 
 strued into homicide from neglect, and should be punishable 
 by several years' imprisonment. 
 
 The Choudhurees of hackeries are great men in their way, and 
 are the occasion of much annoyance to the lieges. At every 
 "udHah" (or stand), and in every market square, an emissary 
 of the CJtoudhuree attends to look after his master's interests. 
 When hackeries are required by Soudagurs and Muhajuns, 
 these Choudhurees are the parties who provide them. They are 
 rather moderate in their requisitions from the proprietors of 
 carts, and limit their dustooree to only two annas in the rupee 
 being one-eighth ! When hackeries are required for the public 
 service, and an order for impressing them is passed by the Ma- 
 gistrate and Commissariat, then is the Choudhurce in his 
 glory. Travellers, with their wives and children, are sum- 
 marily dismounted, and with their ^property, lodged under the first 
 convenient tree strings of carts laden with grain, are taken 
 possession of, and the contents lodged on the road-side. Xo 
 complaints are listened to, and unless oil of palms is freely 
 used to slip out of the clutches of the press-gang, escape is im- 
 possible. For every ten carts ordered for the public service, a 
 hundred at least are pressed. " Why r" you ask, in your inno- 
 cence, O happy ignorance ! Suppose you have ten good carts with 
 three bullocks to each the feed of thirty bullocks cannot be less 
 than four rupees a day. Or we will suppose that servants and all 
 come to five rupees a day. Now suppose the owner to be a 
 bumptious fellow who will not fork out. He is trotted back- 
 wards and forwards, first to the Kotwalee ; then to the Sudder 
 bazar ; then to the Saheb Kumsuriut. He is not paid a fraction 
 until the troops march ; and he may be a fortnight or three 
 weeks, feeding his cattle and his servants " bakhyr-Jchn-aJi-i- 
 Koompanee."* Now the moment he was pressed, had he had 
 the sense to have slipped twenty rupees into the Choud- 
 huree's hand, or half that sum into the hand of the burkundazes, 
 he would, I conceive, have been a considerable gainer. Do you 
 twig ? 
 
 * For the good of the Company.
 
 KEVELATIOXS OK \\ ORDERLY. 
 
 CilAP. XVI. 
 TARDINESS OF THE COURTS. 
 
 Many people have complained, and hundreds do still daily 
 complain, of the tardiness of the Courts. Of the slowness with 
 which the sword of justice falls iipon the offending victims, and 
 the uncertainty attending it, whether i^ shall remain suspended 
 in mid-air, or whether it shall fall on an offending, or an inno- 
 cent head ? 1 shall endeavour to give my readers a peep be- 
 hind the curtain, and to show them how and why it is that such 
 business prevail. 
 
 It has been my lot, as an Orderly, to serve under several 
 Hakims, and being of an inquisitive turn, I have watched their 
 modes of procedure with interest ; and have, I hope, made pro- 
 fitable use of my observations. One Hakim has a shoukh* of 
 turning every thing oolta-poolta.-f Nothing that has been proposed 
 or done by his predecessor can be right. Nobody can take a 
 correct view of any thing but himself. He objects to a time- 
 honoured usage, and asks the spectacled Serishtadar^ " Keon 
 Icon ayeen ba moojib ?" The old man, almost old enough to be 
 his grandfather, stands before the Huzoor with folded hands, and 
 replies, " Zabitah yeh hye, Khodalund, koodamut seA."|| " Zabitah 
 be d d. Ayeen dekhao."*fi Upon this, the case pending before 
 the Huzoor is deferred, and Indexes and Guides, to which the 
 Native cannot have access, because they have never been trans- 
 lated, are consulted ; the construction of the regulations, on which 
 the dustoor-ool-umul (rules of practice) has been based, is rejected 
 as a false interpretation of the law ; and the whole system of 
 local usage is upset, after it had gone on for thirty years. I will 
 allow that the construction of the law may have been wrong, 
 yet the mere change of any mode of procedure, after a period 
 of thirty or forty years, is in itself to be deprecated in a people 
 so tenacious of " dustoor" as the people of Hindoostan. The 
 fault, of the administration is, that officials have it in their 
 power to alter the rules of practice as they please. And instead 
 of every zillah being governed on uniform principles, the modes 
 of procedure of no two zillahs are similar. 
 
 Again, there are Hakims who are content to look only through 
 the spectacles, and to hear only through the ears of their Omlah. 
 To every remonstrance he replies, " Never make any enquiries 
 yourself, or you will ruin the case." With such an official an 
 unanswerable argument is, " Zabitah ych hye.' 3 Every thing goes 
 to rack and ruin from the Hakim's easy and yielding temper. 
 He shews too much deference to the opinions of his officers ; 
 seldom exercises his own judgment ; in some instances he has 
 not leisure to do so in others lie icill not. 
 
 * A fancy. f Topsy-turvy. J Head Native Official. 
 
 Well ! By what regulation is it ? |[ This is the practice, Sir, from 
 
 time out of mind. ^f Practice be d d. Look at the regulation.
 
 TARDINESS OF THE COURT. 43 
 
 Where so much depends upon the mizzaj* of a functionary, 
 and he has it in his power to do evil or to do good, with but little 
 control over his own actions ; of course, the necessary super- 
 vision over subordinates must be considered a contingency de- 
 pending on chance. In some districts it is so overdone that the 
 services of the subordinate officials are lost to the State. In 
 others, it is so imperfectly and weakly exercised, that the subor- 
 dinate officials, in every department, are the de facto rulers. 
 
 Another cause of the existing abuses is the uncertain tenure 
 of office of all Native officials, from a Scrishtadar, Kotwal, or 
 Thanadar down to an Orderly. Where people have almost un- 
 limited power to do good or to do evil ; and they may be turned 
 out at a moment's notice, either for any presumed offence, or 
 from dislike on the part of the Huzoor, and Avhen such dismis- 
 sals are, in reality, final, without the benefit of an unprejudiced 
 hearing on appeal, of course an incumbent must be a fool to 
 allow any moral considerations to check his venality. " Let us 
 eat and drink to-day, for to-morrow we die," is their motto. 
 Accordingly, in forty-nine out of fifty officials, the practice is to 
 do nothing without a fee. The greatest vigilance on the part 
 of the Hakims will not put a stop to this evil, ivliile the tenure 
 of office is uncertain ; and I shall mention some of the ways 
 and means whereby money is daily made in the Fouzdaree, Re- 
 venue, and Civil Adaluts ; leaving it to the learned Councillors 
 and the Hakiman Aleeshan to devise some remedy for the 
 abuses, which, as an Orderly, I have been a witness to hundreds 
 of times. 
 
 I think I once heard my master, the Nazir Saheb, say that 
 in all cases of dismissal of any subordinate, receiving more than 
 10 rupees per month in the revenue department, a report was 
 to be made to the " Junab-Aleejah-Sahcb Commissioner Baha- 
 door." And that there is a positive order from the Court of 
 Directors, that no Thanadar of police should be discharged on 
 light and insufficient grounds. The Nazir further mentioned, 
 that all dismissals of Thanadars were to be reported to the Com- 
 missioner of police. " How is it then, Nazir Saheb," I enquired, 
 " that Meer Jubburdust Khan, your worship's cousin, and Lul- 
 loputto Khan were turned out of their Thanadarees, merely 
 from some dislike taken to them by the Magistrate Bahadoor ?" 
 "I do not know," replied the Nazir, "but they appealed to 
 the Junab Commissioner of police, and got no redress." "And 
 how comes it," asked Jubber Khan, " that Meer Boorbuck Khan 
 has been appointed a Thanadar, when he is so confirmed an 
 opium-eater as to be never sober ? Is there ever such a thing as 
 animtihan^ undergone?" The Nazir sighed, stroked hie beard, 
 and said, " Ullah Kureem tooee janteh ho /"J 
 
 In almost all instances, connected with the Mofussil Than- 
 nas, the Darogahs and all the Barkundazes are in a plot against 
 
 * Disposition. Temper. f Trial examination, 
 
 j Merciful God ! Thou only knovrcst !
 
 44 - REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 the Magistrate to defer execution of his orders, until they 
 cannot help themselves. In petty cases, after the deposition of 
 a plaintiff has been taken, his witnesses are summoned by Sub- 
 poena. The defendant can afford to bribe the witnesses, or he 
 may bully them to hide themselves. The Nazir returns a Icyefut 
 that the witnesses are " rooposh," and the Thannadar is directed 
 to apprehend them and send them to the Kutcheree. The first 
 thing he does, is to send word to the parties that an order for 
 their apprehension has been received, ff the witnesses or the 
 defendant readily fork out, the warrant, after being delayed for 
 a week or two, is returned to the Magistrate with an intimation 
 that the witnesses are " rooposh ." But suppose the parties 
 do not stump up ? Why then, they are forced out of their houses 
 and sent in to the Huzoor in the most ignominious manner. 
 Thus, it will be seen, if a defendant can intimidate, or bribe 
 witnesses not to attend, and if he pay the Thannadar for their non~ 
 apprehension, a common case of abuse or slight assault, which 
 should have been decided at once, is spun out for a month, or 
 more. Por suppose the Magistrate order that the personal pro- 
 perty of witnesses be distrained, even then the same farce is 
 gone through. Perhaps none may be forthcoming ; and if dis- 
 trained, they may not be sold before the expiration of six months. 
 And in all my experience I have never yet heard of the sale 
 of such distrained property. 
 
 Again, suppose there is an affray, and the parties are caught in 
 the very act. They name exculpatory witnesses, who must be 
 summoned. " Why ? in the name of common sense, if wit- 
 nesses can prove upon oath that they were taken while engaged 
 in an affray ?" you ask. Because a finding in such cases is deemed 
 by the appellate authorities to be faulty, the case is uselessly 
 prolonged, while the witnesses drop in by ones and twos, and 
 they allege that they " saw defendants twenty days ago plough- 
 ing their fields all day, and that defendants were, therefore, not 
 engaged in the affray." On being asked what day they refer to ? 
 They reply that they cannot tell. What were they doing at 
 the time of the row ? They were not there, and never so much 
 as heard of it ! ! ! It is for such trash that the case is deferred, 
 week after week, and if a Magistrate be ever so anxious to do 
 ready justice, he cannot do so, because his order would be 
 reversed on appeal. 
 
 CHAP. XVII. 
 
 PROCEEDINGS OF THE POLICE. 
 
 On occasions of suspicious death, burglaries and robberies, the 
 police are in their glory. A dead foetus is found lying in the mid- 
 dle of a cross road. The Goraet (called go-right, because he al- 
 ways goes wronrf) proceeds to the thanna, and informs the Than-
 
 PROCEEDINGS OP THE POLICE. 45 
 
 nadar that a " laash"* is found ! that the umbilical cord has not 
 been cut, and that the child must have been purposely and 
 wantonly exposed to meet a fatal end. The Darogahjee cross- 
 questions the Goraet, and ascertains that a suspicion of an intri- 
 gue between Kulloo Kulwar, only son of the rich Sahoo 
 Bhpwanee Kulwar, and Mosummat Lutchminea, a young widow, 
 
 had for some time been current in the village of . The 
 
 Goraet declared that ha was positive the child was their's. "How 
 far is the house of the Safioo from the place where thefcetus was 
 found ?" " Only five coss Darogahjee /" '-Is Bhowanee Sahoo 
 rich ?" " Lakhorupea Jca doulut hye khodabund."\ " The very 
 man," says the Darogah Saheb. " Here, Jubber Khan, go and 
 bring me Kulloo Kulwar and Lutchminea, while I send a re- 
 port to the Magistrate Bahadoor." While Jabber Khan is going 
 on his errand, the 2 hannadar sends the putrid fcetus to the Ma- 
 gistrate, and intimates, " that the practice of infanticide is daily 
 increasing that the Huzoor is aware that " the turukkee khuah"$ 
 has not the power to investigate such charges without an order 
 from the Huzpor that the Goraet had given such information 
 as to induce ihejidwee to believe that he could trace the parties, 
 &c., &c." To this the Magistrate replies " Make the investiga- 
 tions Jiusb-i-zabitah." 
 
 Rubber Klian brings over Kulloo Kulwar and his reputed 
 Dulcinea : and they are at once put into the stocks as proved 
 malefactors. But they have not come to the thanna alone. A 
 Chumarin, an old, withered hag, who deals in drugs and philters, 
 is also brought as a witness against the parties. She swears, 
 that, some nine months back, she was sent for to the house of 
 Lutchminea, who asked her whether she could administer any 
 potion to hide the effects of love ! That she, the witness, did give 
 her a powder, for which she received one rupee. But the prisoner, 
 Lutchminea, flatly denied that she eVer had a child, and alleged 
 her readiness to undergo an examination by midwives. The 
 Thannadar has his wits about him, however, and does not think 
 proper to permit an examination. Next morning the old SaJioo 
 Bhowanee Kulwar comes over to the thanna to bespeak the Daro- 
 gahjee'' s good offices ; and he ventures to hint that his sou is in- 
 nocent. " What have I to do with that, Sahoojec? The Goraet 
 swears to your son's guilt, and the Daee swears that Lutchminea 
 bought a powder from her. I have the Magistrate Bahadoor 's 
 hookoom to apprehend and chalan the parties, and go they shall. 
 The Kutcheree is only twenty miles off, and if your son and Lutch- 
 minea are innocent, of course the Saheb Bahadoor, whose justice 
 is as famed as that of the renowned Nousherwan, will release 
 them." The SaJioo finds that he must bleed, and pour out the 
 contents of some of his beloved money-bags. He accordingly 
 makes a bargain' with the Darogah, to release his son at once, for 
 one hundred rupees cash. " Very good," says his worship, 
 
 * Corpse. f He is worth lakhs of rupees, your honour. 
 
 J Hopor for exaltaU'-n, According to practice.
 
 46 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 "release Kulloo." But Mr. Kulloo refuses to budge a foot, xm r 
 less his beloved Lutchminea is permitted to accompany him, and 
 old Bhowanee is forced by his son to pay fifty rupees in addition 
 for her release. They are released, and go their way rejoicingly ; 
 while the Thannadar orders a Tcullean, and whiffs away in delight, 
 uttering an occasional Vlhum-dool-illah !* Of course a report is 
 made to the Saheb Magistrate Bcthadoor, that there is no proof 
 against the accused parties that the Goraet is a liar and a 
 nioofsid\ for having implicated Kulloo antj. Luicliminea ; and that, 
 in the fidwee's iikhil nakis,% the Goraet is deserving of punish- 
 ment. The unfortunate wretch is suspended by orders of the 
 Magistrate, and is eventually dismissed from service and im- 
 prisoned. 
 
 A gentleman once ran off with the daughter of a respectable 
 Moosulman Zumeendar, one Loll Cawn (anglice, red ears). The 
 father was indignant, and complained to the Magistrate, and 
 begged that the Kotwal\>e at once sent with a warrant to search 
 the SaheVs house for his beloved Shukkur Lub,\\ A most strin- 
 gent order is passed by the Magistrate Bahadoor. The Kotwal 
 proceeds in state, and demands admittance to the house of the 
 Saheb. The Saheb comes out himself, 'receives the Kotwal very 
 graciously, and begs of him to walk in. A purse of fifty gold- 
 mohurs is slipped into the Kotwal 's hand, and the Saheb tells 
 him, " My friend, you are an honest man, and a man of intelli- 
 gence, and you have a warrant to search my house for a woman 
 known as ShuTcJcur Lub, a daughter of that worthy man, Loll 
 Cawn. Search, in Gods' name ; but you need not break open 
 my boxes and almirahs, in which my valuables are kept." The 
 Kotwal searches every room ; every hole and corner is examined 
 in the presence of the posse commitatus, and half-a-dozen wit- 
 nesses from the neighbourhood ; but no woman is forthcoming. 
 " Search the beds and the pillows - rip open the newar^ of the 
 beds, shouts the .Kotwal ; " perhaps the woman may be hid there. 
 But nothing suspicious even is found. The Kotwal goes away, 
 and reports everything duly to the Magistrate ; forgetting, of 
 course, to mention that a purse of fifty gold-niohurs had been 
 put into his hand, and that it was. in fact, at the time of making 
 the report, in a secret pocket in his vest. " Did the Saheb actu- 
 ally abduce the girl ?" you enquire ; " and was she really in his 
 house when a search was made by the Kotwal ?" To be sure she 
 was. Being a beautiful creature, a pearl of price, the Saheb, 
 who was a wealthy Soudac/ur, woiild have gone to any expense to 
 retain his beautiful SkuJckur Lub, and she was snugly ensconced 
 in a large clothes' almirah, which was not looked into by the 
 Kotwal ! 
 
 The indigo planters in every district are great sufferers by the 
 trespass of cattle. Indeed, the A h irs commonly take their herds 
 
 * Thanksgiving to God. t Blackguard. 
 
 * The slave's defective judgment. This is, of course, a gross corruption. 
 , Voper name Sugar-lipped. 
 
 * r.r.i;i.l t:t)>c. \\ith which beds, in Itulin. :uv commonly boltotned.
 
 PROCEEDINGS OF THE FOLICK. -17 
 
 into iudigo fields for cheap pasturage with malicious intent ; arid 
 a body of them, armed with lathees, accompany the cattle, to pro- 
 tect them in case of ejection or seizure for trespass ; desperate 
 affrays with the planters' servants occur. It is true that a 
 special enactment for the protection of the indigo crops \vrs pass- 
 ed in 1832 ; but still the planters cannot ahvays obtain redress. 
 The Thannadars are either in their pay, and oppress the people 
 for the planters, or they are against them, because they are un- 
 willing to purchase protection from the officials. A curious and 
 laughable story was told me some time ago, which I shall relate 
 for the edification of my readers. A planter was greatly annoyed 
 by the trespass of cattle in his indigo fields. He seized them re- 
 peatedly, and sent them to the thanna : but the Thannadar was 
 not his friend, and the cattle were invariably released. One day the 
 planter was dining with the Magistrate, and, in the course of 
 conversation, asked whether he could shoot any cattle he found in 
 his fields, without subjecting himself to punishment ? " By no 
 means," said the Magistrate. " Can I maim them, by wound- 
 ing a limb?" No, you would in that case be punished." "O 
 hang it, I could dock them, surely ?" "Why, yes, there is no 
 great harm in docking them, I imagine," said the Magistrate. 
 Some few days afterwards the Thannadar reported that the Saheb 
 Godam* had sent in twenty head of cattle, minus their tails. The 
 thannadar begged to send them in to the Magistrate for inspection 
 and orders. They were ordered to be sent in with their owners. 
 On the same day the planter wrote to the magistrate and some 
 other friends to favour him with their company at dinner They 
 went ; the covers were laid, and the soup produced. It was pro- 
 nounced delicious by all the company, aud by the Magistrate in 
 particular; and all parties went away satisfied with their host's 
 hospitality. , 
 
 A few days afterwards a summons was received by the planter 
 to attend at the Fouzdaree Court, and to answer a charge 
 brought against him for mutilating cattle. He appeared in per- 
 son, and after hearing the charge and the proofs, readily acknow- 
 ledged that he had cut off the tails of twenty head of cattle 
 from the very roots, because he had found them grazing in and 
 destroying his indigo plants. " But good God, sir, what could 
 you do with so many tails ?" " Do, sir ? Why, I asked a num- 
 ber of friends to dinner, and they and I acknowledged that it was 
 not only humanity to remove the caudal appendages which daily 
 subjected them to the severest tortureattmder the hands of the 
 unfeeling Ahirs, bufa just retribution for the damage done by 
 them with their other extremity ; and as to the utility of the tails 
 we had never eaten finer oxtail soup in our lives." The Magis- 
 trate laughed heartily, and dismissed the case. 
 
 * Owners of factories are so designated.
 
 48 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 CHAP. XVIII. 
 
 COXSPIBACT TO OYEETUBN THE BBITISH COVEBNMENT WHICH 
 
 ENDED IN A STATE TBIAL, AND AN ACQUITTAL OF THE 
 
 SUSPECTED GUILTY PAETY. 
 
 The mogTialitali-deeTiee* of the subordinate officials, of every 
 grade and denomination, is a constant sqjurce of vexation to the 
 superior officers of every department, and a general subject of 
 complaint. I have already mentioned a few instances in which 
 dust has been thrown in the eyes of the Hakims, and I shall pro- 
 ceed to notice a few more. 
 
 The Nazir Saheb directed me to proceed to Patna, to make 
 enquiries connected with a revenue defaulter, and by a singular 
 coincidence I witnessed some strange proceedings, which I shall 
 endeavour to describe for the edification of your readers. 
 
 In the ancient and well-known city of Patna, there lived once 
 upon a time one Syud Bakur, who rejoiced in the honorable 
 distinction of being one of the Khas Sou-firs to the Hnzoor 
 Magistrate Baliailoor. He was , so highly favoured by his 
 and the mekurbanee$ of the Salieban Aleeshan that he rose 
 to the chief Darogah of Shubgushtec^ in the aforesaid city. A 
 curious system exists of having two Superintendents of police, 
 whose duty it is to go about and to keep the Magistrate in- 
 formed of the doings of the Darogahs of police, and to find out 
 and let the Ifuzoor know the Niifs-ool-lial\\ of any important 
 moJcudumma*^ that may be pending. I need hardly remark how 
 very important such an office is, and how greatly a Darogah of 
 Skubfj'itsJitcc has it in his pow,?r to influence the decision of any 
 case. Nor how much he has the means of ruining or forwarding 
 the views of any Darogah of police. My conviction is, that a 
 Magistrate, who is not readily accessible at all hours to the peo- 
 ple under his charge, is unfit for his trust. He should hear every 
 thing that anybody may have to say, but he shoud never take 
 aught for granted that he hears without proof or strong presump- 
 tion. 
 
 It was discovered by the authorities that a conspiracy for the 
 subversion of the British government was in embryo. For years 
 the flame had smouldered, but the iqbal** of theJuyompeneeBaka- 
 iloor, and the bayonets of their army, prevented any outbreak in 
 the provinces. The immediate cause of disaffection was the re- 
 sumption of the tmKtfeejjtietimds. Hundreds of proud Mahommedan 
 Chieftains, who lived in afHuence, and who depended solely upon 
 their muafees for the support of themselves and their numerous 
 retainers, were reduced to poverty. But matters were not ma- 
 tured " the pear was not ripe." Yet it was evident that a cloud 
 had come over the prosperity of the Koompanee Bahadoor. Their 
 
 * Deceit humbug, t Lucre. J Favour. Night-watch. 
 
 I] Actual facts The pith of the matter. ^ Case. 
 
 ** Fortune. tt Kent-free lands.
 
 CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE BRITISH. 49 
 
 arms had met with a reverse in Kabool. The Sikhs wore in force 
 on the Sutledge, and threatened the overthrow of the British 
 Government. The Nepalese, secure in their hill fastnesses, and 
 protected by the formidable belt of Turaee, which intervened be- 
 tween their country and the provinces of the plain, were eager to 
 measure swords Avith the Koompanee. It was more than sus- 
 pected that an intrigue was carried on between the Courts of 
 Lahore and Katmandoo ; and that they mutually communicated 
 their intentions in regard to the invasion of Hiudoostan. The 
 mistaken system of education of the Natives in European litera- 
 ture had prepared hundreds of youths for employment by the 
 Bajahs and Nawabs, whose duty it was to translate the English 
 newspapers to their Highnesses. The tone of the letters of the 
 local newspapers was generally improper, inasmuch as it shewed 
 the Native Princess that the writers freely canvassed the measures 
 of Government and pointed out the weak points of its policy. 
 The military force at every station and in every large cantonment 
 was accurately known through the medium of the local Press. 
 The way in which the Nepalese could act against the British au- 
 thority most effectively was pointed out by the writers of inflam- 
 mable articles. Who then can wonder that the Nepalese were 
 intriguing with the Native army, to turn upon their employers ? 
 And who can wonder that disaffected parties arrayed themselves 
 to second the wishes of the Court of Katmandoo ? Even the 
 Pajahs, who lived under the British protection in the vicinity of 
 Nepal, were suspected of covertly aiding and abetting the enemies 
 of the Government which fostered them. 
 
 The principal Agents in the matter were Klncajeli SaJteb, a, 
 wealthy and influential Zemindar Shah Gulbur-ood-deen, a 
 holy Syud, whose influence over the Moosulmans was great, as a 
 Peerzadah, or son of a prophet HaJiut Alice, a noted forger 
 and ludzat* but exceedingly clever,* and very much feared for his 
 unscrupulous villany Syud BaJcur, the Darogali of fShvbgushtee 
 and Moofsidh, a common regimental Moonshee, then with the 
 
 Kegimei.it of Native Infantry. The ostensible grievances 
 
 were, the general resumptions of mtiafee, and the messing system 
 of ihe jails the former of which, it was pretended, had deprived 
 thousands of their means of maintenance, and the latter was com- 
 plained of as a measure to make all persons incarcerated in the 
 jails, " Christans." The Sepoys were egged on to mischief by 
 the Regimental Moonsliee, by being reminded of the daily -increas- 
 ing bad faith of their Feringliee masters ; of their inability to re- 
 tain their stupendous Empire in India without their aid ; and the 
 certainty of any new power making such conditions with them for 
 their general secession as would insure to the sepoys great pri- 
 yileges and high dignity. The Moosulmans -were reminded that 
 they were a conquered race conquered by the " dogs" they still 
 abhorred and despised. The Hindoos were told that the messing 
 system of the jails and the practice of transportation beyond 
 
 * Bad character.
 
 50 fiEVELATtONS OF AX ORP'KRLY. 
 
 seas, as in force among the TJngrez Bdhadoor, were slow, but sure 
 modes of undermining the time-honored usages of IJrahminism. 
 The day fixed for the denouement of the plot was the festival of 
 the Mokurrum, when the constant noise attendant on the pro- 
 cessions would tend to mislead the authorities as to any riot 
 that might actually occur. 
 
 But one of the Mahommedan Native officers of ihe regi- 
 ment, who had only been partially admitted behind the curtain 
 of intrigue, becoming alarmed at the result of the projected in- 
 surrection, and fearing also the loss of his snug berth, informed 
 the Major of the regiment of what had been concocting so 
 industriously for mouths. The Major, like a wary soldier, at once 
 proceeded to the residence of the regimental Moonshee and 
 apprehended him and seized all his papers. When these were 
 read, the whole plot was unravelled, and all that remained for 
 the authorities to do, was to order the apprehension of the princi- 
 pal conspirators, and to adopt measures for the suppression of 
 any disturbance that might occur during the Moliurrum proces- 
 sions. 
 
 But how shall I describe the panic that prevailed among the 
 generality of the English community, who, instead of joining 
 together and acting in concert, were too much frightened to 
 think or act concertedly in adopting remedial measures for the 
 emergency. It was given out, and believed in the station, that 
 the Surveyors and Planters, in the district and in the neigh- 
 bouring zillahs, had been murdered, and that the troops at Dina- 
 pore and its neighbourhood would shortly become subject to the 
 same fate. Extra troops were stationed at the " Golqhur" (that 
 stupendous monument of the folly and ignorance of a by-gone 
 generation) and the Treasury. The ladies were requested to seek 
 the protection of the troops ; and the Subaltern on duty being 
 asked by a lady whether ttie sepoys' muskets were ready for 
 action ; replied, " Yes, ma'am, they are loaded with large charges 
 to try 'em." Reports were rife that the Planters, the settlement 
 Officer, and the Surveyors, in the Chumparun district, had been 
 massacred ; indeed the majority of the European residents at 
 Patna were in, what is vulgarly called, a horrible funk. It re- 
 quired but an outbreak, headed by a resolute leader, and the 
 raising of the green standard of the Prophet, to excite a general 
 insurrection, that, in the state of affairs above described, would 
 have ended in a second Kabul tragedy. 
 
 The Magistrate issued the most stringent orders for the appre- 
 hension of the parties implicated in the papers of the regimental 
 Moonshee ; but for a while his efforts were fruitless. The usual 
 return of rooposhee* was made to all the Magistrate's warrants for 
 apprehension. At length Seket Alice was taken. As for the 
 Khiuajeh Saheb his capture appeared to be so doubtful, that the 
 Magistrate went to his house, personally, in the night, and forced 
 his way into his bed-room ; but although the bed was warm, 
 
 * In biding.
 
 PROCEEDINGS AGAINST CONSPIRATORS. 51 
 
 and it was evident that it Lad been occupied only just before, 
 yet the Khwajeh could not be apprehended. Header, perhaps 
 you require to be told, that the confidential Syud Bakur upon 
 whom the Saheb Magistrate depended in his greatest emergencies, 
 was in the pay of the Khicajeh and Reket Allee? The holy 
 Syiid wag hereditary Chief of the Bhurrooas ;* (please refer to 
 Shakespeare's dictionary for the exact meaning of the term) and 
 received a portion of the earnings of all the "birds of song" in 
 the city of Patna and its suburbs. The Khu-ajeh SaJiel) had a 
 sister of the Syud as a favourite mistress ; and whenever the 31 a- 
 gistrate ordered the seizure of the Khu'cijeh, St/ud Bakur managed- 
 to give him timely notice to escape. At length, however, all the 
 alleged conspirators were apprehended, and confined separately, 
 and great were the expectations of the whole country as to the 
 steps that would be adopted for their punishment. 
 
 While matters were in this unsatisfactory state the MoJntrrum 
 approached. The ' Katulka-rat" (night of massacre) is at hand, 
 and detachments of troops are ordered hither and thither to pro- 
 tect the several parts of the town. When, suddenly, a hue and 
 cry are heard " Dakoo ! Dakoo ! telingah ayah ; Bhago, JBhaffo!"^ 
 The detachments rushed as they best could through the crowd, 
 that was flying in every direction, frightening them the more ; but 
 where the Da/coos were nobody could tell. Troops were ordered 
 from cantonments, and the greatest fears for the fate of the opium 
 factory, and the European residents in that part of the station, 
 prevailed. The night passed off wearily and sleeplessly, and 
 parties congratulated one another in the morning on their escape 
 from death or ravishment. The houses of the European residents 
 at the station, I am noticing, are situated in small groups along 
 the bank of the Ganges river, and 'extend over a length of eight 
 or ten miles, .and consequently the inhabitants are unable to 
 assist each other in time of need. , 
 
 But patience, reader, and see what the morrow shall bring 
 fjrth. 
 
 CHAP. XIX. 
 
 PROCEEDINGS AGAINST THE CONSP1KATOB.S. 
 
 Xext morning there was a gathering together of all the not- 
 ables, and one eagerly questioned the other as to what he knew, 
 or had heard, of the occurrences of the night ? But nobody 
 seemed to know what had originated the panic of the previous 
 evening. Parties went up all the one hundred and forty-three 
 steps leading to the pinnacle of the Golglmr,% and from thence 
 
 * Pimps. f Dacoits ! Dacoits ! The sepoys are come. Run ! Run ! 
 
 J Round-house. It was intended for a granary, and a preservative from famine ; 
 V>ut it cannot contain one week's supply for the city of i'atna ; and remains a re- 
 markable monument of ignorance and folly.
 
 0*2 11EVELAT1OXS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 anxiously surveyed the whole country round with telescopes, to 
 ascertain, if possible, what was the cause of the secret dread that 
 weighed like nu incubus on them. But nothing could be dis- 
 covered all appeared in a state of repose. At length, as the 
 morning advanced, Si/nd Bakur reported to the authorities, 
 that a camel had been frightened by the tom-toming and firing of 
 the procession, and had rushed into the crowd upsetting right and 
 left all that came in his way. The mob shouted ' Dakoo /' and 
 a panic spread like wildfire ! ! ! 
 
 The fate of the residents of the opium factory still remained to 
 be ascertained, and al^o of the detachment that had been sent for 
 their protection and that of the Government stores. A Subal- 
 tern was despatched on horseback, and on his reaching the 
 godowns, he was agreeably surprised to hear shouts of merriment. 
 ' Hallo ! Captain Snooks, how are you all ?' asked the Sub. 
 ' Jolly,' said Snooks, ' I never passed a pleasauter night, and 
 trust I may have several more such nights yet. Nothing but 
 broiled bones and beer and billiards all night, my boy. What 
 d'ye-call-'em and I were right jolly.' 
 
 But the trial of the conspirators was to come on, and people 
 anxiously waited the decision of the authorities. It was ex- 
 pected that severe punishment would be resorted to, as an ex- 
 ample to the whole of Hindoostan. The proofs, as far as I could 
 ascertain from the officials of the Adalut, were, first, that 
 letters from Moonshce Select Allee, Syud Gubur-ood-deen and 
 Khwajeh Saheb were found in the house of Moonshee Sioofsidh, 
 urging him to the performance of ' the good work' promises 
 of large reward were held out for the future intimation that 
 several lakhs of rupees were at his disposal for the work in hand. 
 Second, the confessions of some of the native officers, that they 
 had been tampered with by the Moonshce, and that an insurrec- 
 tion was in agitation. Third, the confession of Ifoonshee 
 Moofsidh himself, that he was a tool of RcJcet Alee and Guhur- 
 ood-deen Shalt, with whom he had frequent conferences, and who 
 alleged that they were Agents for the Rajah of Nepal, and the 
 influential Zemindars of the neighbourhood. 
 
 The Khwajeh Sabeb, Reket Alee and Gulurood-dccn Shah, 
 flatly denied the charges brought against them, and alleged that 
 they had never seen Moonshce Moofsidh. They denied the 
 genuineness of the letters found in the possession of Moonshce 
 Moofsidh, and alleged that they, as well as the seals, were 
 fabrications. They called the Court's attention to the fact, 
 that in a number of cases which had been tried, and parties im- 
 plicated on the strength of documentary evidence, the letters 
 adduced in proof had turned out to be forgeries, trumped iip by 
 the enemies of the accused, to ruin their fair fame. They loudly 
 and bitterly protested that they had been forced from their homes 
 and kept in durance as felons on, at best, but weak presumption. 
 That the Magistrate had acted with the zeal and ardour of youth, 
 for which he himself was culpable.
 
 PROCEEDINGS LGA.INST CONSPIRA.TOB9. :">:{ 
 
 All this was openly discussed iu the bazar, and, of course, peo- 
 ple differed in their opinions. But the general impression was, 
 that the parties were really guilty of a conspiracy ; and the 
 knowing ones said, that if they were recognised by Moonshee 
 Moofsidh, there could be no doubt but that they would be blown 
 off from a cannon's mouth, as a grand ' moral lesson' to the 
 world ofludia, of which Shah Soojaii had set an example in Aff- 
 ghauistan. At the same time it was hinted that a sum of twenty- 
 five thousand rupees nad been offered to Moonshce Moofsidh 
 to fail in the identification, and that a very hoskyar and chalak 
 Saheb* was expected from Calcutta to assist in the defence of the 
 conspirators. And that oiJie.r modes of propitiating the clemency 
 and biassing the judgment of the Saheban Aleeshan would 
 also be adopted. I could not help wondering how communica- 
 tion could be effected with a prisoner, guarded by sepoys, by 
 other prisoners, who were themselves confined in a mass of 
 brick-work like the Golghur. So being of an inquisitive turn 
 of mind, I determined to find out the secret. I made myself 
 very agreeable, and mixed freely with the Jacks in office, and 
 in a convivial moment learned the trick. Suppose a prisoner 
 is confined under the bayonets of sepoys, he must be permitted 
 to eat bread. The preparer of food is bribed, and a short note 
 is pnt into a chupatee^ or a sentence is written on a plate, 
 and when the bread is taken up, the prisoner reads what is writ- 
 ten, and expunges the characters. A short moral sentence is 
 always a hint to the prisoner. For instance, ' May the blessed 
 Prophet bring you comfort in this bread.' Or, ' Cheer up. friend ! 
 that ivhich is written is written.' 
 
 Well, the trial came on before the extraordinary commission 
 appointed for the purpose. The defendants were all brought up 
 before their worships, and confronted with Moonshee Moofsidh. 
 He persisted in his story, that he'had had several interviews 
 with Reket Alee and Gubur*ood^deen Shah, but that the pri* 
 sorters were not the parties ! ! ! What was to be done ? The old 
 woman called by us the Roompanee Bahadoor. had been frightened. 
 The Surra Sahebs had made a great report to the Council. 
 The safety of the empire was supposed to have been jeopar- 
 dised. Some of the most influential people of the country had 
 been apprehended even that paragon of Darogahs, St/ud Bakur 
 the nimuk<-purwardah% of the Saheb log, who was so highly honour- 
 ed, that the Lord Saheb Tea Miss had taken his likeness ; even 
 he was proved to have been in league with the conspirators. 
 
 But a very influential Saheb, a burra admee, had come to 
 make shifarusli\\ for the conspirators. Syud Bakur also exerted 
 all his powers as chief ' Bhurooa,' and mollified the mizzaj 
 of some of the Saheban Aleeshan by discreetly sending forth his 
 
 * Clever and sharp gendemnn. 
 
 t A flap of unleavened bread, something like a Scotch bannock, 
 t Cherished tritb. salt. Hiss Eden i* alleged to have taken the likeness of 
 the worthy Syn.l Bakur. || Friendly or powerful intercession.
 
 64 KEVLLATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 sweetest birds of song to warble their dulcet notes in the eara 
 of the Sahebs. The result was, that a}l the prisoners were re- 
 le&sedfrom want of legal proof . 
 
 However, the knowing ones were of opinion that the acquittal 
 of the prisoners was a political dodge ; and, under the circum- 
 stances, the wisest course that could have been pursued. To 
 have brought conviction home to the prisoners would have been 
 to shew the people of Hindoostan, that the Sirdars and Zemin- 
 dars, who were fostered by the Koompbnee, were eager for a 
 change of Eulers - the police officials and the Sepoys of the 
 junyee pultuns were unfaithful to their salt that Moulvee Eeket 
 Alee, and others like him, who had been honoured with im- 
 portant revenue and judicial trusts, were ready to turn upon 
 the Koompanee's government, that the conspiracy had been sup- 
 pressed in the bud, and that the parties implicated were known. 
 And it was good policy to let the world know, that the 
 Koompanee Bahadoor did not doubt the fidelity of hep army. 
 
 REVELATIONS OF THE REVENUE DEPARTMENT. 
 CHAP. XX. 
 
 THE REVENUE SETTLEMENT, AND THE ORDINARY AND EXTRAOR- 
 DINARY WAYS AND MEANS WHEREBY THE OFFICIALS MAKE 
 MONEY. 
 
 I have ' said my say' as to matters in Fouzdaree : and shall 
 now give my readers a few revelations in the revenue de- 
 partment of the State. This as well as the police, comes home to 
 every man's door. Tbe P^utwarree* system ; the Muhukma 
 Commissioner-lcoorkee ;t the Qanoongoes ;J the Suzaiuuls ; the 
 Tuhseeldars ;|| and Peskcars ; the Sheristadar^ and his satellites, 
 are all deserving of notice : the revenue settlements, and the or- 
 dinary and extraordinary ways and means whereby the officials 
 make money, and the zemindars and puttcedars lose their estates ; 
 all these are worthy of prominent mention. I have been myself 
 a humble ryot, and have felt the insolence and oppression of the 
 ' Jacks in office.' I have had the produce of my little field, 
 which, with the labour of my wife and little ones, I had matured 
 and expected to reap, attached and sold, despite my com- 
 plaints to the Ilakims. But my office of ' Nazir's Orderly 1 
 has shewn me strange scenes, which it shall be my business to 
 describe faithfully to my fellow-ryots, as a beacon to prevent 
 them from suffering from the oppressions carried on under the 
 sanction of the law, and as a duty to my present employers, the 
 
 * Village Accountant. f Office of Commissioner of Distraint. 
 
 J Revenue Officers. Trustee for sequestrated estates. 
 
 i; Native Revenue Collectore. f Head Native Official,
 
 THE OPPRESSION OF OFFICIALS. 55 
 
 Saheb Koompanee Bahadoor, whose nimuk-purwurdah* I am, from 
 sanctioning them under false colouring. The Saheban Aleeshan 
 little dream of the hundreds of ways in which grinding oppres~ 
 sion is practised under their very noses. Be they ever so vigilant, 
 they are deceived by the native officials, and it is only by some 
 lucky chance that they stumble upon the practices which pervert 
 the intentions of justice. If they be ever so clear-sighted, they 
 are made to see through the eyes of others. How is this pos- 
 sible? you indignantly* ask Are not the Civil Servants of the 
 Government the elite of England ? Are they not some of them 
 acknowledged to be the most talented men of the country ? 
 Has not this class furnished some of the ablest Statesmen in 
 the world ? All this I acknowledge. But what can they do ? 
 I have stood behind the chair of the Collector Saheb, and I 
 have seen him absolutely unable to go through the official 
 drudgery of the day. I have seen him defer a case day after 
 day, in the vain hope that he would find time for investigating 
 it thoroughly. But, alas ! such leisure could not be found. I 
 have seen his subordinate European officials similarly puzzled 
 with work. How then can you be surprised, that these gen- 
 tlemen are obliged frequently to let their decisions pass under 
 the force of circumstances they cannot overcome, in order to 
 shew a good nuksha^ to the Board. Hence, I say, they require 
 promptings from people who are behind the scenes. 
 
 I had held possession of my jote of five beegahs of land 
 in the village of Moobarukpoor, for upwards of fifteen years, and 
 my progenitors had possession for up\vards of half a century. 
 "We had never paid more than two rupees a beegah, or ten 
 rupees per annum, to our old zemindar. "We were protected by 
 the kawaneen-i-sircar ;+ which declares that ' no khoodkasht> 
 chupperlund asamee shall be liable to enhancement of revenue, 
 except in due course of law,' and I reposed in confidence on the 
 insafil of the sircar. But Bulbhudder Singh had purchased the 
 village by private sale ; and he had served all the asamees with 
 a notice to quit, or to pay four rupees a beegah. I went to 
 the ' Dipty Saheb? and gave in an oozerdaree ;^[ and after hear- 
 ing both sides, the Dipty Saheb ruled that Bulbhudder Singh 
 was merely ' kibaladar ;' that as such he was merely a kaem- 
 mukam (locum tenens) of the zemindar, and could not legally 
 demand enhancement of rent from a koodkasht ryot. That even 
 were Bulbhudder nilamdar, ba illut bagee, ** he was debarred by 
 Eeg. V. of 1812, and Act 1, of 1845, which expressly declare'd 
 1 that no auction-jnirchaser shall have the power to enhance 
 the rate of khoodkasht chupperbund asamees* ' Hear him,' said 
 I, ' hear him ! here is wisdom ! Here is a true ryot^ puricur /' 
 
 * Salt-cherished, i. e., supported. 
 
 t Report. J Eegulations of Government. 
 
 Cultivators having hereditary right ot' occupation. 
 
 \\ Justice. f[ Objection. 
 
 ** Auction-purchaser of an estate sold for balance of Government revenue, 
 
 +f Cherisher of rots.
 
 56 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 But, lo ! no sooner was my field ripe for the sickle, than a 
 fellow put into my hands a dirty bit of paper, with unintelligible 
 Nagree characters written thereon, which he verbally told me 
 was the Putivaree's wasil-baqee, shewing that I owed H'tilbhudder 
 Singh the sum of ten rupees ! I could not read ; so I took the 
 paper, in great dismay, to a Lallah in the next village, and he 
 read as follows : 
 
 Account of receipts and balance for the year 1253 Fusilee, 
 Panchkouree Asamee Mouroosee. 
 
 Five beegahs jote, at the rate of 4 rupees a beegah, in all 20 
 rupees for the entire year. 
 
 For the first half year, due 15 rupees received 5 rupees. 
 Balance claimed ... ... ... 10 rupees 
 
 Add interest for 15 days... ... ... 20 
 
 Mursoom (dues) Putwaree . . ... 06 
 
 Total due to Bulbhudder Singh ... 10 2 G 
 
 (Signed) GTTJJJTJB LALL, Putwaree. 
 
 Seeing how prompt justice was rendered me by the Dipty 
 Saheb on a former occasion, I again waited on him, loudly demand- 
 ing justice. ' DoJiaee ! Dipty Saheb ! Dohaee .Koompanee Balia- 
 door !' ' Fool !' said the Dipty, what are you bawling yourself 
 hoarse for ? I can listen to nothing unless you present a petition 
 on stamped paper.' ' But, sir,' I urged, ' my crops are dis- 
 trained ; my wife and children will starve, unless speedy justice 
 be rendered. And from whence shall I get funds to purchase a 
 stamp, and to pay for engrossing the petition ?' All 'that I could 
 get for my pains was, to be turned out of the room for my 
 importunity. 
 
 But finding no help for it ? I sold my pugree, and purchased a 
 stamp, and getting a petition written, which I fondly conceived 
 would have melted a heart of stone, presented it next day. The 
 Dipty Saheb at once passed an order to this effect ' the peti- 
 tioner is at liberty to give security to the kibaladar for the amount 
 of distress, or to deposit the money in the treasury ; and then 
 to institute a ' bejah JcoorJcee'* suit ordered that the petition be 
 ' dakliil duftur.'^ 
 
 ' But, Junab-i-alee ! 'J I entreated. ' I sold my very pugree to 
 enable me to present a petition on stamped paper to your honor ; 
 and do you call this redress ? I ask the prophet to witness 
 that the demand is unjust and illegal, and you desire me to de- 
 posit 15 rupees. Where, in the name of the, prophet, shall 1 get 
 that sum ?' But the Dipty Saheb plainly told me that he was 
 helpless, and that unless I did as he directed, he could give me 
 no redress. Finding myself lachar, I borrowed fifteen rupees 
 from the village Muhajun, at the rate of four pice per mensem 
 
 * A suit for rrpk-vin. t Struck off the file. 
 
 J Great lord. Helpless.
 
 THE CASE OF THE POOR RYOT. 57 
 
 interest, upon each rupee, or 75 per cent, per annum! ! I (read 
 this, ye ghosts of usurers and learn a lesson from the unsophisti- 
 cated mild Hindoo) and deposited the money, and had my crops 
 released for the nonce from the distress. 
 
 CHAP. XXI. 
 
 * 
 
 THE CASE OF THE POOB, BYOT. 
 
 I had a very moving petition drawn out by Lallah Seetul 
 Pershad, commencing with ' zoolm hae layek insaf, ivnh jour hae 
 kabil iltifat.* I set forth, that I was a hereditary asamee, and by 
 the Qaicanecn-i-Sirkar was not obnoxious to enhancement of 
 rent ; that I had a jote of five beegahs of land in mouza 
 llfoobarukpoor, and had never paid the old zemindars more than 
 two rupees a beegah, or ten rupees per annum, for malgoozaree 
 that I had paid five rupees, and when the balance became 
 due was ready to pay it ; that Bulbhudder Singh, the kibaladar, 
 had wantonly served me with a notice to pay him four rupees 
 a beegah, but that owing to the insaf-i-noushcncanee^ of the 
 Huzoor, the notice was declared to be illegal ; that notwith- 
 standing, Bulbhudder Singh, whose budmashee and zoolm were 
 well known to the Junab, had levied distress on my fields to force 
 me to pay an unjust demand ; and I prayed for justice. 
 
 Ptulbhudder Singh's Mooktyar, Lalla Debee Purshad, presented 
 a defence, in which he stated that his client was purchaser of 
 the village, and had served a notice to all the asamees, under the 
 provisions of Regulation V. of 1812. He quoted several Nuzirs 
 (precedents) by which his client was borne out in enhancing 
 the rents, &c. &c. Gunga Dass, Putwaree, deponed that he had 
 written ihejumma wasil baqee,% on the score of which distraint 
 of Panchkouree's property had been made that the account 
 was correct at the rate of four rupees a beegah, and that the sum 
 demanded, viz., 10 rupees, 2 annas, 6 pice, was justly due. I 
 could stand this no longer, and shouted out, ' Ay ! Junab-i- 
 Alee ! that man is a liar. He is a Putwaree, and every Put- 
 waree is a liar. Zemindars have silver rings in the noses of the 
 Putirarees, and therewith lead them as they please.' The 
 Saheb asked the P.uticaree whether more than ten rupees per 
 annum had ever been realized from Panchkouree. To which a 
 negative was returned. ' How then do you say that the excess 
 of demand is just?' The Putwaree submitted that he acted 
 according to the orders of Lallah Debee Purshad. The Dipty 
 Saheb decreed for me with costs, and ruling that the distress 
 was vexatious and illegal, released me from the remainder of 
 Bulbhudder's claim. But Lallah, Debee Purshad was not satis- 
 
 * Tyranny is a fit (subject) for justice ; and oppression is a fit (subject) for 
 attention. 
 f Justice worthy of Nousherwan. J Account of receipts and balance,
 
 58 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 fied. He asked whether the Hakims, whose orders he had 
 quoted, were ignorant of the laws, that their judgments were to 
 be overruled summarily ? And the Lallali began quoting so 
 many kantractions and surkoolar chittees, that my liver became 
 as water. But the Saheb ordered him to be turned out, and 
 bade me be of good cheer, and to go and reap my harvest. 
 And I did so with a joyous heart, well pleased that I had got the 
 better of both the Put war ce and Bulbhudder. 
 
 But, ]o ! a month afterwards I was served with a notice 
 from the Moonsiffs Court, intimating that Bulbhudder Singh 
 had complained against me for the amount of annual malgoozaree, 
 praying the Court to authorise his charging me four rupees a 
 beegah ; or 20 rupees for my jote per annum. I went to 
 Seetul Purshad and asked him to write a petition for me ; but 
 he told me that this was a lumburee moq_uddumma* and that I 
 must consent to undergo considerable expense, and to employ 
 a regular Vakeel. I was in despair. I had not a rupee in the 
 world, so was obliged to pledge my pair of oxen to the village 
 Muhajun to raise funds for the defence of this suit. But I rested 
 my hopes on the blessed prophet and insaf of the Hakiman-i- 
 Adawlut. 
 
 My Vakeel recapitulated the arguments used by the Dipty 
 Saheb, and quoted a host of regulations and kantractions. But the 
 Moonsiff" merely asked the Putwaree whether the itilanamah had 
 been served upon Panchkouree agreeably to Regulation V. of 
 1812 ? To this the Putwaree replied in the affirmative. I 
 myself did not deny it, but produced copy of the Dipty' s roobuka- 
 ree, in which the notice itself was pronounced illegal. But the 
 Moonsiff threw away the roobukaree with contempt ' Kuon 
 Dipty Kulluctur our Tcuon Hakim-i-Adawlut Dewanee? (Oh ye 
 Gods ; Does he pretend to compare the Dipty's contemptible 
 intellects with mine !) The Moonsiff then asked the Putwaree 
 whether the lands of my jote were capable of paying four rupees 
 a beegah, and what were the general rates of the district ? The 
 Putwaree submitted that my jote was worth five rupees a beegah ; 
 that was the average rate of the village. The Moonsiff decreed 
 for Bulbhudder, casting me, and declaring me liable to pay four 
 rupees a beegah in future. My Vakeel advised me to appeal, 
 but I stared stupidly in his face. 'Do not you understand me, 
 friend,' he said ; ' appeal to the Saheb Judge Bahadoor, and you 
 will be righted. The Moonsiff has warped the law from fear of 
 Bulbhudder, and the Judge Saheb will reverse his decree.' ' Oh ! 
 Vakeel,' I answered, ' where, in the name of ,the prophet, am I 
 to get more money to fight with Bulbhudder ? I have sold 
 my oxen ; I have lost my cause ; I shall be ousted out of house 
 and home, and you tell me to appeal!' Could appeals be 
 heard without putting us poor ryots to ruinous expense, they 
 would be salutary ; but as matters are, the long purse will 
 always carry the day against a poor man. 
 
 * Regular Civil Suit.
 
 THE POOR RYOT. 59 
 
 I had observed Bulbh-udder in the Moonsiff's Court, standing 
 alongside his Vakeel. He seemed to be troubled with a curious 
 nervous movement of the right hand across his throat. And 
 whenever the eyes of the Moonsiff and Bulbhudder met, the 
 latter invariably put his open hand, edgewise, to his throat. 
 This always made the Moonsiff turn pale and look another way. 
 What the exact interpretation of this sign may be, I know 
 not. But 1 had lost my cause, and was not particular to ascer- 
 tain the meaning of signs and telegraphs. 
 
 Bulbhudder took the earliest opportunity to sue me before 
 the Dipt!/ Saheb for the next kist, according to the Civil 
 Court's decree. I appeared in person, and confessed that the 
 Moonsiff had decreed against me, and that Bulbhudder' 's cause 
 was a good one this time. ' Do you intend appealing ?' quoth 
 the Saheb. ' No, Sir,' I replied, ' I give in, and only pray that 
 my jote may be given to any one else. If Bulbhudder will release 
 me of all claims, I will resign my jote.' God and the Prophet 
 know that the Saheban Aleeslian have a peculiar mode of ad- 
 ministering their own laws. One Hakim passes an order to a 
 certain effect, and another passes one diametrically opposite to 
 it. Both fancy themselves to be right ; either the laws are 
 enigmas, or the administrators are overinstructed in them. God 
 help us poor ryots !* 
 
 CHAP. XXII. 
 
 THE ZEMINDARS A>"D COLLECTORS. 
 
 I showed in rny last how I hafl been forced from my jote ; 
 and it was in consequence of my distress that I applied to my 
 friend Suniokee, the residt of which may be seen, by referring 
 to the two first chapters of these revelations. 
 
 I observed that I alone was not the sufferer. During my in- 
 cumbency as an ' Orderly? I have witnessed scenes, that if des- 
 cribed with ordinary rhetoric, would induce my readers to think 
 that I am not dealing with facts, but endeavouring to harrow 
 their feelings with imaginary tales of distress. I will leave such 
 matters for the ingenuity of romance-mongers, and give you 
 the naked truth, which requires no high colouring to render it 
 interesting. There lived, in the village of Tandah, an opulent 
 cultivator, by name of Bhawanee Singh. His ancestors had been 
 the Zemindars of the village ; but during the first revenue 
 settlements by Jobnateen Dunkeen JBahadoor, his father had 
 refused to enter into the necessary engagements, alleging that 
 the assessments were too heavy, so that at the time of my 
 
 * The glorious uncertainty of the law is, perhaps, in no instance, so well 
 exemplified as in the different constructions of officials on this subject of exemp- 
 tion from enhancement of rent. Order upon order haa been promulgated ; only 
 to render " confusion worse confounded,"
 
 CO REVELATIONS OF AX ORDERLY. 
 
 story, BJtairanee Singh was cultivator of fifty Icegahs of as fine 
 land as you would desire to see for miles around. The mal- 
 goozaree on these lands was one rupee eight annas a beegah, 
 or seventy-five rupees per annum. The Zemindars of Tandah 
 were also opulent men, and were never a day behind the fixed 
 time for payment of the " kists"* due to the Sircar. But the 
 talooq^ was known to be profitable, and was coveted by the Vakeel 
 and Umlah ; and a plot was entered into between them to force 
 it to be sold, when they would pounce upon it as legal prey, and 
 appropriate it as their own. 
 
 It is well known that no native, how rich soever, will pay 
 money the moment it falls due, unless he has the dread of punish- 
 ment or disgrace before him. It is a practice in the revenue 
 courts of the Sircar Bahadoor, to issue dustucks for the mal- 
 goozaree the very day the kist (instalment) becomes due. This 
 was not done in the village of Tandah for three several kists ; 
 and the Zemindar became careless, and did not pay his next in- 
 stalment. The Huzoor was duly informed of the default. He 
 inquired how the Zemindar could be a defaulter when he was 
 known to be opulent ; and whether a dustuck^ had been served 
 on him ? " Yes, your honour," was i;he reply. " Here it is, 
 duly signed and sealed." " Serve him with a second dustuck ; 
 and direct the Nazir also to send a smart Molazim, to ascertain 
 the cause of Dowlut Singh's default." The order was obeyed, 
 and the Nazir Saheb despatched me oil this service. " Go 
 Bhaee Panchkouree Khan" said he, " and bring that Moofsidh 
 Dowlut Singh to bis senses." At the same time he gave me 
 a knowing look that intimated he had something more to say. I 
 made a great bustle, pretended to start at once, but took myself 
 straight to the Nazir' s house 1 . Here I found Moulvce Vaqeel 
 and Lalla Moonshee waiting for me. They detained me until 
 the arrival of the Nazir ; and I then received instructions to go 
 to Dowlut's village ; but instead of bullying him for the rent 
 of the Sircar Koompanee, to give him all the best compliments 
 of the Nazir and the Moonshee jee. " Tell him," said they, 
 " that we are his best friends - that he need not trouble him- 
 self about the malgoozaree, for that the Saheb collector will never 
 find out that he is in balance, while we choose to befriend him." 
 
 "Well, I proceeded to Dowlut Singh's house in Tandah, and 
 most affectedly sported my chuprass, so that anybody could 
 not fail to observe it, and announced myself as having come 
 from the Nazir, Dowlut Singh came out in a fright, gave me a 
 charpaee to sit upon, and anxiously asked " What I had come 
 about?" I was bent upon lining my own purse, so I answer- 
 ed, by telling him " that his malgoozaree was not paid, and that 
 the Sahel collector had sent me to apprehend him." 
 
 * Instalments. 
 
 f Estate. The peculiarity of tenure is too prolix for a marginal note. 
 
 J Warrant. Servant on the regular establishment.
 
 TIlK ZKMIXDAHS AND COLLECTORS. 61 
 
 'Where is the du-stuck?" he inquired. I showed him the 
 notice, with the Huzoor's signature, and the broad seal of 
 office. Upon this he appeared to reflect ; and after awhile, he 
 said, " You must be tired. Khan Saheb, walk in, and I will 
 see whether I cannot make you comfortable." I did so, per- 
 formed my ablutions, filled my hookah, and pufied away inso- 
 lently, and expatiated on my influence with the Nazir, and of 
 Nazir's and J/oowsAee'sipfluence with the Huzoor. "But, Dowlut 
 Singh" I said, "you know that ushraf log* do not exert their 
 influence for nothing. However, thank God, that you do not. 
 require our shifarish,^ for you owe the Sircar but a paltry two 
 thousand rupees, and that is as nothing to such as you are, 
 Dowlut Singh" But I saw poor Dowlut wince ; and after 
 coaxing me a good deal, he began to tell me how he, and 
 the Nazir, and Moonshee, had been on the best possible terms 
 how he had been advised by them to be in no hurry to pay 
 the kists due to the Sircar how he had expended all the 
 money on his son's marriage how the Muhajun, with whom he 
 had money dealings, refused to advance money without his mort- 
 gaging his talooq. t: And .now, Khan Saheb, my hope rests with 
 you, and your influence with the Nazirjee. Here is a small 
 sum for pan-tumbakhoo.'^ I looked at the money, and to my 
 disgust it was only five rupees. So I indignantly threw it 
 down, and rising as if to go, I said, " Salam Thakoorjee, I 
 shall inform the Huzoor that you refused to come with me." 
 Dowlut Singh hastily ran and laid hold of my hand, and bade 
 me ait down. His little son ran into the suhun, where we 
 were seated, and I saw a kuldar ushurfee\\ which was hung 
 round the boy's neck, and remarked how well it looked. The old 
 Rajpoot took it from his boy's neck, and put it into my hand, 
 with a knowing look, as if deprecating any refusal. I took it, 
 stroked my beard, and enlarged upon my official influence. 
 
 Having thus cleverly secured about four months' pay, I 
 turned on another tack, and told Dowlut Singh that the Nazir 
 and Moonshee had confidentially desired me to communicate 
 their sentiments to him. I then gave him all the " soft saw- 
 der" I could think of, and left him, quite assured that he need 
 not trouble himself about his talooq, and the malgoozaree due 
 to the Sircar. I informed the Nazir and Moonshee of the suc- 
 cess of my mission ; but, of course, said not a word about 
 the goldmohur. 
 
 The Collector was informed of Dowlut Singh's back-sliding ; 
 and after wading through the nathee 9 ^, of papers, and satisfying 
 himself that the notices had (apparently) been served, he made 
 a report to the Sudder, and obtained leave to sell the talccy 
 for the balance due to Government. In the days I mention, 
 sales were not so scrupulously conducted as they now are ; 
 and poor Doiclut was not aware of the impending calamity 
 
 * Respectable people. t Good word. J Betel-nut and tobacco. 
 
 Entrance, verandah. || Old gold Moliur. f File.
 
 62 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 until one day before the sale. He rushed into the Kacherree 
 and protested to the Collector that he had never been served 
 with a single notice ; and plainly charged the Moonshee and 
 Nazir with corruption and fussadli* " Bring the misl," coolly 
 said the Saheb. It was brought, and the Collector Bahadoor 
 himself turned over the pages. " Here are the dustucks, Doivlut 
 Singh, and your signature duly affixed. Call the imishfcooree 
 pcadaJis."^ They came and swore to Jiaving served the dus- 
 tucks. " Sir," said the Nazir, " I sent" Panchkouree Khan, a 
 molozim, to bring the defaulter, and here is his It-yfeut" I was 
 sent for, and no sooner did I appear, than JJovlut roared 
 out, " Ay \ dhnnnoaotar !J that is the blackguard who brought 
 me a messnge from the Nazir and Moonshee, not to pay 
 the revenue, and he fleeced me of a gold-mohur." I looked 
 sternly at DowJut, and quietly submitted to the Huzoor that the 
 man was mad ! I call the blessed prophet to witness, Junal-i- 
 alee, that I did not so much as get a drink of water in the 
 village of Tan-daft, and that I took some pieces of bread with 
 me which I ate ! If the Huzoor will listen to such calumny, how 
 can the servants of the Sircar be safe,? Here the whole of the 
 officials present hummed forth a similar complaint. The Collec- 
 tor was in despair, and ordered the sale to take place next day, 
 if the entire balance were not paid. 
 
 Suffice it to say, that the money was not paid that the 
 talooq of Tan d ah was sold, and purchased by Lalla Moon- 
 sfiee and Moiilvee Vakeel. That Z)owlut Singh appealed to the 
 Alee Jah Commissioner JSahadoor, but could get no redress, as the 
 papers were right, and that the auction-purchasers got pos- 
 session. The next chapter will show what they did, and how 
 hatvanee Singh was dealt with. 
 
 CHAP. XXIII. 
 OPPRESSION OF THE RYOTS. 
 
 ISTo sooner was the sale of Tan d ah concluded, than Moulvcc, 
 Vakeel obtained a Jcibalah and wmulclu8tuk\\ and took formal 
 possession. Notice for enhancement of rent was served on 
 every ryot, and among others, Bhau-anee Singh, and his fifty 
 tteegahs of monroosec jote*\\ were not forgotten. He had always 
 paid one rupee eight annas, per lecr/af>, and was now directed 
 to pay five rupees. But he was a tough old Rajpoot and merely 
 laughed the notice to scorn. However, Moulvee Vakeel was 
 not a man to give in while a quirk or quibble was at hand, or a 
 sheer face of brass could frown forth withering terrors ; so as soon 
 as the first feist became due, he instituted summary process 
 
 * Malice - conspiracy. f Men hired for an occasion. 
 
 I Oh ! merciful Avater (of God). Deed of >ale. 
 
 || Warrant for putting in possession. ^f Hereditary culture.
 
 OPPRESSION OF THE RYOTS. 63 
 
 against him. The case was prepared by the Umlah, and heard 
 before the Saheb Shistant, who had recently joined. 
 
 There were, first, the Putwaree's wasil baqee ; second, copy of 
 the notice served on defendant, declaring him liable to pay five 
 rupees her beegah ; third, the Collector's kibalah to the auc- 
 tion-purchaser. To all these, old Bhawanee Singh simply refer- 
 red to the fact, that he was a resident hereditary cultivator, 
 from the cession of the province to the Sircar Koompanee Baha- 
 door that he held a pottah signed by the Saheb Kullan 
 Joonateen Dunkeen that by the regulations of the Sircar, he 
 was exempt from enhancement of rent and that, please 1 
 Ramjee ! he would not pay a fraction more than he had done. 
 While the Salieb Shistant, sate with a becoming gravity, with 
 his beaver hat knowingly cocked on his head, Moulvee Vakeel 
 eagerly said, ' Junab-i-alee \ did your honour ever hear such in- 
 solence as has been uttered by that fellow ? He says he will 
 not pay a pice more than the Malgoozarce he has paid, even if 
 your worship order it ! ! ! He presumes to defy the Hakim !' 
 ' Well, well,' pettishly said the Saheb ; " choojp ruho* What are 
 the sale-regulations, Moonshee ?' Now the reader will remem- 
 ber that the Moonshee wa's a joint proprietor with the Vakeel ; 
 and his cue, therefore, was to mislead ; so he turned up Regu- 
 lation V. of 1812, Sec. 9. " Here, sir, is the kanoon. Moulvee 
 Vakeel did serve J;he notice for enhancement of Malgoozaree, 
 and is clearly entitled to decree in the present suit." Decree for 
 plaintiff was given accordingly. This is grand, thought old 
 Bhawanee Singh " diggruee to pah, lekin roopi/ea to mor pase 
 iaA."f After a month the decree was executed, and the usual pro- 
 pess for apprehension of the person was issued. The Mush/core 
 that served the writ, was thrashed soundly by Bhawanee' s three 
 sons, who were taken up for the assault by the Thanadar ; and 
 chalaned and sentenced to six months' imprisonment each, 
 and old Bhawanee himself, heart-broken and disconsolate, 
 delivered himself up to the Nazir. The case was called, the 
 decree read, and Bhawanee asked whether he would pay the 
 amount ? " No, I will not," was his reply. " For fifty years 
 my father and I have never paid more than one rupee eight 
 annas a beegah, and not a pice more shall I pay." He was 
 sent to jail. Moulvee Vakeel next gave a petition to the Saheb 
 Shistant for the sale of Bhawanee's property. This was or- 
 dered of course ; but it was strange that six fine cows, two 
 stone sugar mills, and a stack of grain, were sold for only 
 eighteen rupees. The sale was sanctioned ; but as the whole 
 amount of decree was not paid, old Bhawanee was, therefore, 
 allowed to rot in jail, 
 
 When the next instalment became due to the auction-purchas- 
 er, a summary suit was again filed to the usual processes, the 
 return of the Nazir was " rooposh" But the defendant and 
 his sons were in jail ; how then could the suit be defended ? 
 
 * Be quiet, f He has obtained decree, but the rupees are in my hands.
 
 G4 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 The result was, an exparte decree for Moulvee Vakeel. This 
 decree was also executed ; and the Nazir's Tcyfeut was, that the 
 defendant was in jail in a suit of the decree-holder, Moulvee Va- 
 keel. He was sent for from the jail ; but pleaded insolvency, and 
 was released. 
 
 Bhawanee was at large his sons also were released ; and 
 they commenced ploughing their fields like men. They vowed that 
 Moulvee Vakeel should rue the day he ever thought of oppress- 
 ing them. Old Doivlut Singh and his stalwart progeny were 
 also paupers ; and in the whole village a feeling of hatred and 
 revenge was engendered against, the Nilamdar.* But the Moul- 
 vee was not one that would rashly venture his person within a 
 village, the inhabitants of which were inimical to him ; and he 
 laughed at the deadly threats of the tribe of Rajpoots. 
 
 He sent his Karindah-, however, to tuliseel^ and on the first 
 night of his arrival at the choicnee% it was fired ; and he and 
 his party were knocked down with lattees, as they ran out to 
 escape the devouring flame. 
 
 This was what the Vakeel had longed for and had anticipated, 
 and he smoothed down his beard with the hand of satisfaction, 
 and prepared to act. Meantime, Dowlut Singh and his stalwart 
 sons, and old Bhawanee aud his sons, were so alarmed at their 
 own violence, and frightened for the consequences, that they left 
 their homes and fled. A very exaggerated import was made to 
 the Magistrate, of a case which required no colouring to 
 heighten its enormity. The wounded men were sent into hospital, 
 and weeks passed before they were declared to be convalescent ; 
 the defendants were not forthcoming until they were proclaimed 
 as outlaws, when they made necessity a virtue, and gave them- 
 selves up. They were tried, fully convicted, and sentenced to im- 
 prisonment for seven years. Thus Moulvee Vakeel got pos^ 
 session of the entire taloo<i, at the expense of a few broken 
 bones to his retainers. 
 
 This result made a serious impression on me. I reflected that 
 my own case was not parallel in hardship: For here were ze- 
 mindars and old istimraree puttadars turned out of their fields, 
 and irretrievably ruined in purse and reputation, by the machina- 
 tions of a man who had risen from the dregs of the people to be a 
 Vakeel ; by the sheer force of villany, aided by, it must be con- 
 fessed, great talent. Here were the well-meaning regulations of 
 a Government that would be paternal, misconceived and dis- 
 torted, to suit the views of interested parties. And the Hakims 
 what were they doing ? Alaa ! I saw, by my own practice, 
 that they were as children in our hands ; their various duties 
 so interfere one with another, that a portion only could possibly 
 be performed. 
 
 But there is such a thing as retributive justice even in this 
 life. Moulvee Vakeel managed to keep possession of the en- 
 
 * Auction-purchaser. 
 f Realise rents. J Tillage office. Holder of leases in perpetuity.
 
 MOCKERY OF ADJUDICATION. 65 
 
 tire talooq, to the exclusion of Lalla Moonshec. The latter wor- 
 thy did not dare to contest the matter with the former, for 
 fear of exposing his own share in the nefarious practices that 
 have heen related. The two foul animals hunted in couple, while 
 there was prey in view ; but as soon as it was captured and con- 
 sumed, the strongest fell on the weak one and devoured him. 
 
 CHAP. XXIA'. 
 
 THE MOCKERY OF AX ADJUDICATION". 
 
 Most of my readers are aware that " summary suits" for rent or 
 replevin (known as rnoquddummat sursurree, or Itejali tulbee) are 
 heard and decided by a Covenanted Assistant to the Collector, or 
 by the " Dipty Saheb" But, perhaps, all are not aware that 
 the proof in such cases is based entirely upon the Puticarees'* 
 accounts. For any claim that is doubtful, the parties are re- 
 ferred to the civil courts. But as no witnesses may be examined, 
 the Putwaree has it entirely in his power to depone for zemin- 
 dar or for ryot, exactly as his own interest may bias him. He 
 produces a Jummalundee^ and the village accounts, which are 
 confessedly dictated by the zemindar himself. He asserts that 
 the ryot owes the zemindar so much money, and has not paid it, 
 because it is not mentioned in his accounts \ while the poor ryot 
 calls his deotas^ to witness for him, and names the Muliajun to 
 whom he pledged his bullocks for that money to pay his rent ; 
 and he names witnesses in whose presence the money was paid. 
 But the inexorable Dipty merely asks him " Putwaree yah 
 zemindar Tea ruseed rukhteli Iw /"' " Nuhee, ryot purwur /"|| 
 Decree for plaintiff is the certain result. But who shall blame 
 the Assistant or Depiity, when they are so desired to do, and 
 are forbidden to make aught approaching to judicial investigation ? 
 The jummabundee itself the principal, if not only documentary 
 evidence in suits for rent or replevin is a tissue of falsehood's 
 and errors. Pick out any one, or a dozen at random, and try 
 and reconcile the discrepancies. You will find the same num- 
 ber of the field, the same jumma and area, put down against two 
 or three distinct asamees, in the same number of distinct entries. 
 " Why ?" you ask. " Merely to enable the Zemindar and 
 Putwaree to charge one or the other party with the malgoozaree, 
 according to the necessity of the occasion." " But is there not 
 an establishment of Deputy Collectors, Tuliseeldars, Qanoonqoes 
 and Mohurrirs, to examine records and to rectify errors, wilful 
 or unintentional ?" " True ; but how can one man set through 
 the work of four ? The comparison is slurred over, and the peo- 
 ple suffer." 
 
 * Village accountant. t Register of holdings. * Deities. 
 
 Do you hold the receipts of Zemindar or Putwaree ? 
 |j No, cherisher of the ryot.
 
 G6 REVELATIONS OP AN ORDERLY. 
 
 But to illustrate my allegations with a tale " There lived in 
 the village of Bhurturra one Ramkishoon Koonbee, who had a 
 jote of seven becgahs of land, which had devolved on him as 
 bis inheritance. He was industrious an prosperous, and always 
 paid his rent of twenty-one rupees per annum to Bulbhuddur 
 Singh, the Nilamdar, Ramkishoon' s sons had grown up, how? 
 ever, and leaving two of them to manage the fields, he, with one 
 son, took service with the Eajah of Bettiah. They had been 
 absent two years at the period of my t v ale. A beegah of land 
 that had been left fallow, was about to be ploughed by Ramfci- 
 shoon's sons for sugar-cane, when Debee Lalla, with five strap- 
 ping lattlieals,* forcibly stopped them, and ploughed the field 
 themselves. On the lad's remonstrance, Debee Lalla told them 
 that their father had been dispossessed two years ago ! They were 
 too weak to fight, so went to another of their fields, and com- 
 menced tilling it vigorously. A year-passed away, and Eam- 
 Jcishoon Koonbee returned to Bhurturra ; and his sons told him 
 the story of their dispossession from part of the jote. The old 
 fellow's blood was up, and he filed a petition in the sursurree for 
 ledakhilee.'f The Putwaree was summoned, and deponed upon 
 oath to the dispossession of KamJcishoon from his entire jote 
 three years ago I that jRamTcishoon had fled from his village ; and 
 that the Nilamdar had made a bundobust of the seven beegahs 
 of laud with Ramdcehul Singh, who had paid the malgoozaree 
 regularly. Great was the horror of the poor Koonbee. He pro- 
 duced receipts given to his sons for the money they had paid 
 the Karindah, Debee Lalla. He swore that he was in posses- 
 sion of six beegahs of his old jote, and begged of the Saheb to 
 look at the accounts. This was clone ; but lo ! the past two 
 jummabundecs bore the name of Ramdeehul Singh, as cultivator 
 of the fields formerly held by JRamJdshoon Koonbee. What could 
 the Saheb do ? Ramkishootis case was dismissed, and he was 
 referred to the civil courts for redress." 
 
 Here was a poor cultivator, resident and hereditary, dispossess- 
 ed first of one field by force, and then of all the rest, by an 
 unscrupulous Nilamdar and a rascally Putwaree. Had the 
 Qanoongo first reported to the ILuzoor, that an entry in the Jum- t 
 mabundee had been made, contrary to the preceding year's 
 papers, an enquiry would have been ordered, and the false 
 entry corrected. But the more inaccuracies there are in a Jum- 
 mabundee, the greater is the fee demanded for filing it ; and if 
 the Douceur be sweet enough, there is never any difficulty in 
 getting the Huzoor's signature affixed to jt. Even enquiries 
 made in person by the Hakims, and on the spot where a dispute 
 exists, do not always tend to elicit the truth. An officer of ex- 
 perience, and one who could see through a mill-stone as well 
 as most of his neighbours once had a case pending before him, 
 in which, the question at issue was the hereditary right to a grove 
 
 * Men armed with clubs. 
 
 In the summary department, for dispossession.
 
 MOCKERY OF ADJUDICATION. 67 
 
 of mangoe trees. The SaJicl ordered bis tents to be pitched 
 in the disputed grove, and proceeded thither. He observed 
 some villagers with loads of wood on their heads, and others 
 carrying grass, passing close by his tents. " Here, fellows !" he 
 exclaimed, " come hither." But they threw down their loads 
 and ran, as if for their lives. The chitpprasecs of the TLuzoor 
 pursued and brought them back. " What made you run away?" 
 angrily asked the Saheb. " From fear of your worship," they re- 
 plied. They were then asked " if they knew to whom the 
 grove of trees belonged ?" They replied, " that the trees were 
 planted by Jcet Singh, grandfather of Ishicur Singh, one of the 
 parties ; and that all the world knew that Is/ac tir was in pos- 
 session." 
 
 Now the truth was, that the witnesses were purposely sent 
 through the grove by Ishicur Sinr/li, who in reality had no right 
 to the grove of trees, nor was he in possession thereof. But 
 the ruse told, and the Saheb decided for the clever rogues. He 
 recorded, that he had learned from " hur ek rahgeer, jo ittifaqun 
 oos rastejata tlia !"* that the grove was the property of Ishic ur 
 Singh ; and decree was given accordingly. 
 
 The filing of the Putwarce's papers is a tax to the entire dis- 
 trict ; and when the Saheban Borud issue stringent orders to the 
 Collectors to expedite the delivery of the papers, then comes a 
 glorious harvest to us orderlies. The Dipty sends first one dustuck 
 upon the Zemindar and Puticaree, then a second, and a third. 
 They are at length brought before the man " in a little brief 
 authority," and the culprits tremble for the result. " Has the 
 tullabana been paid?" " ]S"o, your honour." "Then put the 
 Puticaree in the Nazir's guard ; and place an extra pcadah on the 
 zemindar until the tullabana has been paid." The zemindar 
 alleges that the peadah only served him with the notice four days 
 ago ; but be is turned out summarily. He offers to pay what- 
 ever is demanded ; but the pcadah coolly asks ten rupees. This 
 is refused indignantly; but every day the bullying increases, 
 and the extra day's tullabana is added to the first demand, 
 until the Zemindar laclar, gives the peadah all he demands, to 
 get away to his quiet home, far from the harpies of the Kaclier- 
 rees. But what is the law ? There is no penal law by which 
 the zemindar may be coerced to file the jummabundee. The 
 only punishment the law contemplates, is to debar any Zemindar 
 the privilege to sue for his rent in any court, if the jumma- 
 bundee is not filed ; and yet each village is mulcted from five 
 to ten rupees per annum; and a parcel of vagabonds, called 
 " viuslikooree peadahs" fatten illegally on the A'illagers. In 
 every district v:here, tlie Pitficarce's papers are filed regularly, 
 and before the beginning of tlie year, a legion of these mitsli- 
 Icoories is let loose upon the Zemindars, to force them to do as 
 the Saheban Aleeshan desire. 
 
 * From every passer-by, who, accidentally, was going that road.
 
 68 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 CHAP. XXV. 
 
 EUROPEAN AGENCY EMPLOYED BY GOVERNMENT IS INCOMPETENT 
 FOR THE PUBLIC SERVICE REQUIRED FROM IT. 
 
 A Mahajun had purchased the village of Bahadoorpoor, and his 
 Karinddks suggested that by doubling the rents of every cultiva- 
 tor, he would get a clear profit of a hundred rupees per mensem. 
 How was this miracle to be effected ? You shall see. Ajumma- 
 bundee was given to the Qanoongo to be filed in the Collector's 
 office, but the increase shewn was so alarming, that he did not 
 dare to attest it. He gave a Jcyfeut to the Huzoor to the effect, 
 that " thei'e was an increase in the jumma certainly, but that 
 the nilamdar alleged that the asamees had agreed to the enhance- 
 ment of rent on his consenting to dig wells, etc., for them." 
 The Saheb ordered the Qanoongo to go out himself to assemble 
 the asamees, and to report faithfully whether they had really 
 consented to the increase ? And if so, to get the signatures of 
 the majority affixed to the jummabundee. This was pretended to 
 be carried out, and a month had not elapsed when the Qanoongo 
 again presented i\iQ jummabundee with his kyfeut to the Huzoor, 
 * asserting that the names of all the cultivators had been affixed to 
 the document in the presence of himself and the Putvcaree. What 
 could the Saheb do ? The jummabundee was signed and sealed, 
 and ordered to be filed among the records. 
 
 In such cases, the dodge is to realise what sums may be reco- 
 vered from the ryots, without .instituting summary suits or dis- 
 training the property of any defaulting tenant ; the object being 
 to establish a confidence among the asamees in the jummabun- 
 dee, while the fictitious jumma is being worked into substitution. 
 Well, two years roll away, and just as the standing crops are fit 
 for the sickle, the cultivators are astonished at receiving notices 
 of distress, and to their disgust, every man finds his malgoozaree 
 doubled. Half the inhabitants rush into the Collector's presence, 
 crying out that their crops are ripe, but that the nilamdar will 
 not allow them to be cut. The Saheb, to get them away, orders the 
 Peshcar to compromise the matter in dispute. The Peshcar is too 
 great a man, however, to go out that day but a week afterwards 
 he proceeds to the " clihaonee 1 " 1 of the village, and gets well feasted 
 by the nilamdar. The ryots are brow-beaten and abused, and the 
 Peshcar even lends his myrmidons to assiot the nilamdar in 
 annoying the people. They leave the village in despair ; and 
 again the Saheb Collector is assailed with cries of " Dohaee ! 
 Collector Saheb, Dohaee Koompanee Bahadoor /" But on enquiry, 
 it appears that the Peshcar has not returned from his investiga- 
 tion ; and all that can be done is to issue a stringent order to the 
 Peshcar to expedite his enquiries. At length, the ki/feut of the 
 Peshcar is given in to the effect, that he had carefully examined
 
 EUROPEAN AGENTS INCOMPETENT. 69 
 
 the village account of the past two years, and had found that the 
 nilamdar merely wanted his just dues from the ryots ; to realise 
 which he had distrained their crops, The Saheb Bahadoor was 
 very busy, and the cultivators were directed to give malzaminee 
 to the Commissioner Koorkee, and then to institute " Bejah 
 Koorkee" suits. Now, in all these orders, strict attention, in con- 
 formity with the regulations, was paid, but the villagers, tired 
 and disgusted at the dilatoriness of summary proceedings, left the 
 Kacherree in despair, and' made a compromise with the nilamdar I / 
 A ryot, even well to do in the world, can with difficulty find , 
 money-security for twentyrfive or fifty rupees when his crops 
 (upon which he depends for support) are under distraint ; a 
 poor man, under such a calamity, must give in to his landlord, or 
 be ruined, in spite of the vigilance and extreme desire of the 
 JIakims to render justice. 
 
 I have attempted to shew that it is quite in the power of tho 
 Qanoongoes and Putwarees to falsify the village papers according 
 to their own wishes, or the instigation of the parties by whom 
 the doing so is made profitable to them. Let the Saheban Aleeshan 
 call for kyfeut from the first, or examine the latter on oath, they 
 will find that the whole truth cannot be extracted from them. 
 
 It is only when such oflicers as Mr. O and Mr. M 
 
 have leisure to make the investigations themselves, that I have 
 seen the truth dragged out as if with cart-ropes. I shall mention 
 a case in point. 
 
 Lalla Lukhmee Lall had been a Government Vakeel, and had 
 contrived to acquire considerable landed property, besides a large 
 sum of ready money. At a sale, ordered by the Civil Court, he 
 had purchased the rights and interests of Goorbuksh Singh in 
 the village of Guhora for a very inconsiderable amount. By ap- 
 plying golden spectacles to the e^es of the Qanoongo and 
 Putwaree, he managed to get his name entered as " auction pur- 
 chaser of the rights of Goorbuksh Singh Lumbardar of Guhora"* 
 Now, it so happened, that the Lumbardar 1 s name only had been 
 entered in previous jummalundees, and the Lalla as purchaser of 
 his rights, naturally took his place. The other sharers of the 
 village alarmed, petitioned the Collector to cause their names 
 also to be entered in the jwmmobundee, but the Putwaree and 
 Qanoongo declared that their names were not in any previous 
 years' jummabundee, nor in the Putteedaree' 's statement op 
 " Wagiboolurz" of the Mohtimin Bundobust."\ The papers were 
 duly examined ; and as the name only of Goorbuksh Singh was 
 found therein, the , Saheb disallowed the objections raised, and 
 ordered Lukhmee Lull's name to remain as sole proprietor, It 
 was only by undergoing a ruinously expensive law-suit, that 
 the poor Putteedars gained their rights. Tou ask, naturally, how 
 it happened that the several sharers failed to have their names 
 recorded in the Collector's books ? I will tell you in a few words, 
 
 * The party who pays the Government revenue into the treasury, 
 t Settlement officer,
 
 70 IlEVELATIONS OF AN OEDERLY. 
 
 There are two brothers, joint-proprietors of an estate. They 
 live in perfect harmony, and the name of the elder only is re- 
 corded as proprietor. The younger dies, leaving six sons, who 
 of coarse, are entitled to one-sixth share each of their father's 
 share. But they have always seen the estate managed by their 
 uncle, and they will not interfere with the old man. Calami- 
 ties of season occur, and the lads require money for their 
 marriages, and a Muhajun is thought L of. The emissaries of 
 the Lalla recommend their Master as a considerate man and 
 an ushraf, and he lends the old man money. The Lalla pro- 
 secutes in a court of law, in which he is an influential mem- 
 ber himself gains a decree executes it sells the rights of 
 the old man, who was the sole recorded proprietor buys them 
 himself, and gets his name recorded in the government register. 
 Now, the Put war ee and Qan-oongo knew very well the exact 
 state in which matters stood ; and had they been honest men, 
 and done their duty to the people and to the State, so serious an 
 error as has been noticed, could never have happened. The dis- 
 possessed Puttcedars did get redress, it is true ; but after an ex- 
 penditure ruinous to their purse, through a tedious litigation and 
 endless appeals, sufficient of themselves to cool the courage and 
 energies of most men. 
 
 And after obtaining decrees from the Civil Courts, what use 
 are they in nine cases out of ten ? The diygureedar petitions 
 the court to distrain cattle belonging to A. Immediately 33. 
 comes forward, and proves his possession ; and although they 
 are full-brothers, and collusion between them is manifest, yet 
 the cattle are released. Another party sues for sale of a Nmcab's 
 property consisting of houses a.nd lands. His wife at once objects 
 on the score of their being part of her marriage-dower ! Her 
 Vakeel produces the deed r of settlement, and the property is re- 
 leased. In short, if the Legislative Council and the Suddur 
 Courts had endeavoured to devise a means to harrass decree- 
 holders, and to give them only " tlie sltclh of the oyster" for 
 their speculations in matters of law, they could not have hit 
 upon a more ingenious mode than confirming to them the pre- 
 sent rules of practice, as regards the sale of property in execution 
 of decrees. 
 
 CHAP. XXVI. 
 THE KOHMISHNUE KURKI. 
 
 The Qanoonr/o fattens most when it is the misfortune of any 
 village to be made " Kham Tulisccl" i. c. where the zemindar 
 becomes a defaulter, and no person offers to take a farming lease 
 fora term of years and pay the balance ;the Collector appoints a 
 manager on his own part, called a Suzawu?, to collect the rents;
 
 THE KOMMIS1IXUR KURKI. 71 
 
 inj in most cases the Qanoonyo is chosen to fill this office* 
 The first thing done, is to go to the village, assemble inhabitants, 
 and ask for the nuzurana (good- will offering) for the Sir fur. 
 Kothiiig but silver is ever taken from the majority, but the 
 Suzawul is content to commute the cash payment to the offer- 
 ing of a fat sheep. As soon as the sheep has been digested, 
 the asamees are again summoned to adjust the new jnmmabundcc, 
 ba-moojili liooJcoom Saheban Borud.* The BrahmwMKCG let off, 
 lest they should curse the Lalla ; but from every other caste, 
 from 4- annas to 8 annas a beegah is rigorously exacted. As these 
 sums are intended for the Suzawul' s private purse, they are from' 
 a mere infirmity in the memory, omitted in the village accounts. 
 The zemindar's dues are always enforced by the Sircar's repre- 
 sentative. The shepherds present the younglings of their flocks ; 
 the barbers shave him, and sooth him to rest, or gently arouse 
 him by the delicious pressure of the limbs known as shampooing ; 
 sometimes the young Nat/ins (barberesses) take the place of their 
 husbands to lull the Suzawul to rest the Telees furnish sufficient 
 oil for a lamp to btirn throughout the night and thus a Suzawul, 
 in charge of a large estate, is the picture of a happy man in the 
 enjoyment of rural felicity and rural affluence. Many a feast 
 do his friends receive at the expense of the villagers, and who 
 would not feast, " eat, drink, and be merry," when all the 
 material cost nothing ? A case comes on before the Saheb Col- 
 lector ; the Qanoongo is ordered to attend. He cannot be found. 
 AVhereis he ? Nobody can tell. The 2fazir roars out to me, " Go, 
 Panchkouree, and bring that SuhaHnkArfi that NimuJcharam,% 
 to the Huzoor. Gro to his house ; and if not there, go to the 
 village of Sundaha, where he may, be playing the Suzawul." 
 
 There is a trite saying, that " experience maketh fools wise." 
 I should, when I first took service, have girded up my loins, and 
 gone in search of the Suzawul at once ; but I reflected on the in- 
 utility of hurried measures ; so I went to my own house, ate a 
 good dinner, rested comfortably, and departed next morning to 
 search for the Suzawul. I went to his house, but the inmates 
 had not heard of him for several days. I then proceeded to 
 SunJ.aha, and while yet a good way from the Chhaonec, heard 
 the music of a Seringee and the screeching of a " Ra;nz(ince"\\ I 
 boldly made up to the assembled company, and inquired for the 
 Suzawul. There was the fat debauchee, with a hookah in hand, 
 indolently puffing and gazing on the " charming uautching dam- 
 sel," and now and then varying the monotonous gravity of his 
 deportment, by a nod or a yawn. He appeared intoxicated with 
 Ihtuiff, and the flashes of light from the Bamzanee's eyes ; utter- 
 ance had forsaken him, although the time was barely past noon. 
 " Wah! Wah /^[ Qanoongojee" I said ; " the Huzoor remembered 
 you yesterday ; and since no person could tell whither you had 
 
 * Register of holdings, according to the orders of the Board of Revenue, 
 t Shirker of duty. J Unfaithful to salt. Native fiddle. || Dancing woman. 
 \Vell done !
 
 72 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 gone, I have been desired by my master the Nazir Saheb, to bring 
 you to the presence, and to report faithfully how I saw you en- 
 gaged. Inshallali ;* I shall make such a report as will be remem- 
 bered by you." The Suzawul, although pretty well steeped in 
 inebriety, was sobered at once by my salutation. He got up, 
 begged of me to be seated next to himself, a chillum was handed 
 to me, a kid was sent for, for apulao for me. I reflected that I 
 should act like a fool if I did not enter into the spirit of the 
 moment: sol ungirdled my /cummerbund, took off my pugree, 
 puffed at the chittum, and ogled the dancing wench. I will draw 
 a veil over the rest of the evening. Suffice it to say that I was 
 convinced Suzawulship was an office of no small importance in 
 the revenue departments of the State. 
 
 Next morning the Qanoongo and myself proceeded to the 
 Kacherree, and I duly reported to the Nazir that the Suzawul 
 was busy all day in collecting the rents for the Sircar, and that 
 he could not possibly have come away sooner than he did. 
 
 But the great man, " who plays fantastic tricks before high 
 heaven" is the Kommishnur Koorkee ; and I. have watched his 
 doings with much edification. He has his Sudder Kacherree, 
 and writes his roobakarees like a Hakim. As far as I could learn 
 from the Mooktyars and Mohurrirs of the Collector's office, the 
 duties of this officer are simply those of an Ameen of distraint 
 and sale, for which he is entitled to a commission of ten per 
 cent, on the proceeds of sale. And in the event of a compro- 
 mise, or non-completion of sale, from any cause whatsoever, he 
 is entitled to five per cent, on the valuation of the property dis- 
 trained ; the resources from this commission only would amount 
 to about 35 or 40 rupees per mensem. The Kommishnur Saheb 
 has to pay the rent of a suitable kacherree. He has a Mohurrir 
 on seven rupees a month, and six Chupprasees, at least, to whom 
 he must give three rupees each. Thus, little enough, it would 
 appear, is left for the provision of the great man, himself. He 
 has, generally, a wife and several children at home. He sports 
 a horse or palkee, keeps one or two servants, and a comely woman- 
 servant, who acts as his khidmutgar. Money must be found for 
 these expenses, and, by the blessing of the Deotas, who watch 
 over the prosperity of the mysteries of chicanery, it is never 
 wanting. Without tiring my readers with all the minutire of 
 trickery, I shall just give a few examples of extortion. 
 
 A. sues B. for one hundred rupees, due to him as malgoozaree. 
 He attaches property worth 50, but appraised at 25 rupees. The 
 usual processes are gone through, and the property sold for 25 
 rupees. Out of this sum, the Kommishnur coolly deducts ten per 
 cent, on the zur-dawee (amount of claim), which, in this case, is 
 ten rupees, and the party who levied the distress receives but 15 
 rupees ; whereas the Kommishnur was legally entitled to a tenth 
 of 25 rupees, or 2 rupees, 8 annas only, instead of ten rupees. This 
 iniquitious practice of misappropriation has been so far checked, 
 
 * Please God !
 
 THE KOMMISHNUR KURKI. 73 
 
 that is is not openly exhibited in the accounts, as it used to be 
 in the " good old days." 
 
 Again, A. distrains the property of B. for an alleged claim of 
 100 rupees, but the property is appraised at only ten rupees. 
 But a sale is not effected, owing to a compromise. Now, had a 
 sale taken place, the Jiommishmir would legally have received 
 one-tenth of ten, or one rupee. But since no sale took place, 
 he is entitled only to .eight annas ; however, he takes half the 
 usual commission, or five per cent, on the amount of claim, 
 from the unfortunate ryot, whose property had been distrained ; 
 or five rupees \ It will thus be made manifest that he modestly 
 takes only ten times the commission for doing nothing, instead of 
 that which he would have received for effecting a sale ! ! ! 
 
 An asamee has been allowed to cut his Tcliurreef* crop without 
 his rent being demanded. He is in debt, and has paid away the 
 greater part of his produce to the village MuJiajun ; when he 
 finds two beegahs of half-grown sugar-cane distrained, and notice 
 of sale advertised. If allowed to come to maturity, and the 
 juice to be worked into^oor, the two leegahs of cane would yield 
 from 150 to 200 rupees ; but the zemindar is resolved to ruin 
 him. The poor ryot runs to the Collector Saheb, or the Saheb 
 Dipty, and petitions against his grinding oppression. He ia 
 told to give malsamineefi and to institute Bejan KoorTcee.\ He 
 hypothecates the standing crops to his MuJiajun, who becomes 
 his surety, and the case is instituted. After the usual forms, the 
 case is heard. The ryot does not deny that the claim is just, but 
 pleads that if he had time granted him, he would pay the de- 
 mand, and still save himself from ruin. The Saheb says, " Wajib 
 haee." But the MooJctyars ask whether the zemindar is not en- 
 titled to receive the malgoozaree from the produce of the soil ? 
 They allege that the kkurreef was cut and sold by the ryot, 
 without paying the zemindar his dues ; and that if the Saheb 
 Bahadoor will now interfere, how is the zemindar to pay the 
 revenue due to the Sircar? The Moonshee-jee quietly folds his 
 hands to say his iltimas ;|| and he urges that the sale of standing 
 crops is authorised by usage. The case is dismissed and the 
 sale ordered. And the poor ryot has the option of either per- 
 mitting his half-grown crops to be purchased by the zemindar 
 (Ism furzee) in a fictitious name at a twentieth of the value, or of 
 Borrowing money from the Muhajun on the hypothecation of the 
 crops, at seventy-five per cent, per annum interest. 
 
 Well, thought I, the Koompanee ka Raj is a paternal and 
 fostering Raj for th poor ryots ! 
 
 " 111 fares the land, to hastening ills a prey, 
 "Where wealth accumulates and men decay ; 
 Princes and Lords may flourish, or may fade, 
 A breath can make them, as a breath has made ; 
 But a bold peasantry, their country's pride. 
 When once destroyed can never be supplied." 
 
 * Crop sown in the rains, and cut in October, t Money security. 
 
 J Suit for replevin. It is correct. j| Humble representation.
 
 7 I REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLT. 
 
 CHAP. XXVII. 
 LOCAL JUXTEE. THE COLLECTOR AND CIYIL 
 
 There is an anomalous kind of court called the " local juntee" 
 or muTiakimah aoukaf- in English, local agency, which is as 
 mysterious and uncontrollable as the Supreme, Court, of which 
 people say and hear so much. It is a simple enough court in it- 
 self, and might be made very useful ; for it was established 
 simply to look after the interests of government in escheats, 
 from what cause soever, and to guard against the misappropriation 
 of endowments for religious purposes of all creeds.- The Collec- 
 tor and Civil Surgeon are the ex-qfficio local agents in every 
 district ; but they are at liberty, Avith the sanction of Govern- 
 ment, to associate any other official with them, whose services 
 may be found expedient. What could have induced our legis- 
 lators to drag in the Doctor SaJieb into the junta I know not ; for 
 there are no emoluments of office ; and the work is " vexatious 
 to a degree." Any blackguard in the city, of what caste or 
 persuasion soever, that wishes to annoy, or to screw money out 
 of a wealthy neighbour, gives in & sowed, signed Kliyr-'klncnli-i- 
 sircar* alleging that his houses and lands are the Nuiool (pro- 
 perty) of the State. If people are wise, they buy off the Khyr- 
 kliwah, otherwise they involve themselves with a mysterious 
 power, that may, whenever it pleases, claim half the city, and con- 
 test the ownership of the property in the civil courts. This court 
 is also notable for the deliberation of its decisions. Nobody can 
 find out when the court sits- ; and the holy prophet only knows 
 how long a case may be pending it may be for days, or weeks, 
 or months, or years ! It bangs the equity side of the Supreme 
 Court, by chalks, in its lentissimo progress. There is a charac- 
 teristic story current in this city, of the late Mr Augustus 
 J3rooke, who was for so many years the Governor's Agent, and at 
 one time chief judge of the provincial court of appeal. When 
 he found a case so voluminous as to alarm his nerves, or (knowing 
 the parties) he was convinced that the case was vexatious, he sent 
 for the Vakeels of the litigants and said, " UlniUa I3al>ajaii ! n^ 
 inyn mokuddumma Jco gliourkliana men lliejta lioon" (Well, my 
 dear sons, I shall now send the case to my office of delibera- 
 tion). The parties in such cases generally -made a slow salam, 
 and returned to their homes, satisfied that the deliberations of 
 the Huzoor were postponed sine die ; in other words, the case 
 was burked. The result was understood, therefore the parties in 
 despair never attended ; a year afterwards, the cases were struck 
 off the files in default. The sittings and judgments of the local 
 are pretty similar. 
 
 * Well-wisher of Government.
 
 LOCAL JUNTEE. 75 
 
 Sometimes, however, when the local agents do bestir them- 
 selves for the puhlic interests, they find their good intentions 
 thwarted by parties who produce decrees of civil courts in their 
 favor, for tenements and property that are undoubtedly public, 
 and therefore inalienable. A wealthy individual builds a fine 
 suraee* for the accommodation of travellers, and to perpetuate 
 his name, makes the establishment one of benevolence. His 
 grandson after his death, gets in debt ; and his creditor, after 
 getting a decree in his favor from the civil court, indicates the 
 suraee as the property of the defendant. He surrenders to them 
 his rights and interests, the suraee is sold and the purchaser, as 
 malik, levies his dues from the " Bliutearalis" who keep the 
 stalls in plain words, he levies a fixed hire from every occupant 
 of the suraee ; and this goes on for years. An energetic Collec- 
 tor happens to be appointed,- who in character is a yliureeib pur- 
 wur ;f and knowing his duty, endeavours to recover for the 
 agency the control over the suraecs, mosques, deu-als, wells, 
 &c., which have slipped into individual hands, as the property of 
 the public, which of course he maintains is inalienable : he asserts 
 the right of the Government, through their local agents, to in- 
 terfere and prevent this misappropriation of public property. 
 But the fact of possession for thirty years ruins the cause, and 
 the Civil Court decides against the agents. 
 
 A wealthy individual dies, leaving large property in houses, 
 lands, villages, and ready money, by will, to be devoted to the 
 performance of the rites of the Hindoo religion. An executor by 
 will is also appointed. Some fifty years elapse, and a Kliyr- 
 Jchwali petitions the local agents to take possession of, and 
 manage the property, on the score of misappropriation of funds, 
 alienation ol property, etc. Lengthened investigation takes place, 
 law-suits are instituted, and won % by the agents of the Sircar, 
 and they take possession of the remainder of the property. Heirs 
 of the original testator and the heirs of the legatee repeatedly 
 come forward to take the management into their own hands ; 
 b^jut the lion's grip is not more easily relaxed than the posses- 
 sion of the local juntee. The parties are referred to the Civil 
 Courts, and the fact of malversation having been once proved 
 against the legatee, the courts always decide for the Sircar. 
 " But how are the funds appropriated ?" you enquire. Yeu 
 will scarcely believe it, but on the faith of Islam, I swear that the 
 money goes to feed the Pundahs, Ghatcalis, Poojarees, and the 
 host of the Brahminical tribe. I have witnessed with horror 
 and astonishment, .the daily rations of rice, dall, atta, ylice, doled 
 out by order of the local agents, and the produce of several 
 gardens, the flowers of the season, taken to the deu-als, for 
 offerings to the idols therein enshrined. Here, thought I, are 
 the Sahclan AlcesJian, who abuse the pure faith of Islam, and 
 ridicule the l)ootpurustee% of the Hindoos ; here are the direct 
 organs and representatives of Government fostering idol-wor- 
 
 * Inn. f Chcrisher of the poor. J Idol- worship.
 
 76 REVELATIONS OP AN ORDERLY. 
 
 ship ! I wished devoutly, that I had the power to appropriate 
 the whole of the funds towards the building and endowment of a 
 musjid ;* for then I should have constituted myself the moo-' 
 tuwullee,^ and have enjoyed in this life the blessings promised by 
 the prophet to the faithful hereafter. But I consoled myself 
 with the reflection, that idoLworshippers and their aiders and 
 abettors would alike burn in the fires of Jehunnum. 
 
 I remarked, as a most singular fact, that in the large and rich 
 city of Kashee, it never happened that any person, possessed 
 of large property died without heirs and intestate. Well-wishers 
 give in sowals purporting that Baboo Millonah died intestate 
 and without heirs ; praying that the property should be con- 
 fiscated to the use of government, and that the well-wisher be 
 duly provided for. But a fellow at once comes forward, with a 
 Hukhshisnamdh (deed of gift) duly registered and witnessed, to 
 prove himself the legal owner. The witnesses are summoned 
 and examined on oath ; and they swear to every particular of 
 the deed of gift. Government is flummuxed (as the Persians 
 say) ; and a clever scoundrel, who is no more entitled to the 
 property than I am, enjoys the fruits of his nefarious ingenuity. 
 Thus it happens also, that Oosaeens and Mohunts never die 
 heirless. A favorite CJiclaJi, or a well-favoured youth retained 
 for the " DTiundaV% of the Muhunt or Gosaeen, generally manages 
 to come in as heir. 
 
 But to cheat the government is a common practice of every 
 day, and is considered a glorious achievement. It is when two 
 or three, or more heirs contest a property, and every claimant 
 produces a deed in his favour duly authddiccucd and registered 
 that the skill of the parties is to be admired. Greek meets 
 Greek. The party or parties in possession let the other claim-? 
 ants " do their worst." They sue in. forma pr.upcris (emphati- 
 cally known as " papuree""} and are put to no cxpence in stamps 
 and VakceVs fees. But the unfortunate vright in possession has 
 to pay every authorised and every possible kind of fee ; and 
 after spending some thousands, gets a decree in his favour, 'with 
 costs chargeable to plaintiffs. They make their salams and 
 leave the court, while the decree-holder finds it impossible to re- 
 cover a dumree. As for the costs of stamped paper clue by the 
 pauper to Government, it is hopeless in most cases to expect 
 to recover. The fact is, our legislators, from a too tender regard 
 to justice, have encouraged the institution of suits in forma 
 pauperis, to the great detriment of their own stamp revenue ; and 
 to the infinite annoyance of the legislators. Thus a beggar com- 
 posedly claims ten lakhs of rupees as his inheritance, and gets a 
 hearing without paying a cowree, while the defendant has to 
 defend the case wantonly brought against him at an expenee of 
 several thousands. 
 
 * Mahomedaa mosque. f Officiating priest. 
 
 I Personal Attendance. A fractional part of a pice.
 
 REVENUE SURVEY. 
 CHAP. XXVIII. 
 
 THE SUKVJJT AND OTHER OPERATIONS IN THE X. W. 
 
 Most of my readers have heard of Jan 'Burd Saltcb Baliadoor's 
 famous btindobust of the Xorth Western Provinces. But few 
 know the details of that settlement, and of the causes which ren- 
 dered it a failure. My readers, therefore, will pardon a dry 
 chapter, when it is written not so much for their amusement 
 as for their instruction. 
 
 The whole of the ceded and conquered provinces laboured 
 under the disadvantage of short leases for the revenue for a 
 term of five or ten years. This unsettled people's minds; and 
 there was a perpetual struggle between Government and the 
 zemindars on the part of the first to augment the revenue to 
 its full proportion, which it was firmly believed stood clipt and 
 reduced by low official jugglery, and on the other, to reduce the 
 juimna by every mode of lying, fraud and bribery. . The periodi- 
 cal revision of settlements, naturally forced upon the Govern- 
 ment the retention of a large establishment for the express 
 purpose of making the required settlements, and burdened it 
 besides with the expense of highly-paid Revenue Boards, as well 
 as their deputations over various parts of the country. The great 
 desiderata were the precise limits of each estate, and, therefore, 
 the exact area. This led to the appointment of young gentlemen 
 of the Civil Service, as Settlement Officers, under Regulation VII. 
 of 1822, and the employment of Revenue Surveyors to carry 
 out the revenue measurements in the most efficient manner. 
 The object was to settle at once, and for ever, the endless dis- 
 putes of contested boundaries ; to fix an equitable assessment 
 on the lands with reference to the existing means and future 
 capabilities of the villages from the Surveyor's returns and the 
 Settlement Officer's personal observations ; and to make long 
 leases of twenty or thirty years with the zemindars, and thus 
 induce them to lay out their capital in the improvement of the 
 soil. In short to save, by one grand effort, the expense perpetua- 
 ted by keening up large establishments as had hitherto been 
 the practice. 
 
 But the root of the evil was the ignorance of the officers to 
 whom the work was intrusted, as to the exact nature of what 
 they were required to perform. The young Settlement Officers 
 had to learn the rudiments of the revenue system, and the Sur- 
 veyors were not instructed to prepare their papers, so as to 
 tally in all points with the records of the Collector's Office. In 
 the essential point of lists of estates in each purgunnah the 
 returns of the survey and settlement officers differed materially. 
 A confusion was made between muhals and mouzaJts.* In many 
 
 * A muJialis any portion of land wliicli lias a distinct entry in the revenue 
 rent-roll. A mouzah means the lands of a village. Thus, a village may contain 
 many muhals ; and a miihal may be composed of several portions of separate su.l 
 distinct mouzahs.
 
 78 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 instances, the Collector, the Settlement Officer and Surveyor, 
 were at open feud, or were privately bent on playing at cross- 
 purposes, and thwarting each other. The Surveyors conceived 
 that their duty was confined to measuring the * lands in each 
 liiilka, chukker, or separate estate, as defined by the Settlement 
 Officer. The Settlement Officer had a very difficult duty to per- 
 form. He had to show a great increase in the aggregate jumma 
 of each purgunnah, and yet was to satisfy the people-. At first 
 these paper settlements and the undigested reports that accom- 
 panied them appeared to satisfy the superior authorities ; but the 
 working of the system proved bad. Zemindars could not afford to 
 pay yearly losses. They tried a desperate game, and neg- 
 lected the cultivation to induce a remission of revenue. Their es- 
 tates were sold to recover the balances due to the Sircar. 
 The new purchasers rack-rented the tenants, who fled, and 
 affairs became worse than ever. Then came the Eevenue Sur- 
 veys, and a desperate struggle arose of bribery on the one hand, 
 on a large scale, to prevent the real areas and resources of 
 villages from being brought to light ; and on the other hand, a 
 vigorous endeavour to arrive at the actual truth by searching 
 investigations. My readers will decide for themselves which 
 party was likely to get the upper hand in the strife. It is noto- 
 rious that every Native official, of whatever grade, not only was 
 promoted by gigantic strides, but they all contrived to improve 
 the opportunity for their own benefit " la doulut Sircar /" 
 
 The principle of the Eevenue Settlements was excellent, and 
 evinced the wisdom and practical skill of the legislature, and of 
 the many able men who composed the Boards of Eevenue. But 
 the great mistake was to saddle the important undertaking with 
 an order to go through a fixed quantity of work within, a definite 
 time, and to make the assessments as high as the country 
 could possibly bear \\ithreference to its means. It is true that 
 several orders were issued to the Settlement Officers to make the 
 ~bundobusts light, in order that the people might not be overbur- 
 dened, at the same time keeping in view that government 
 should receive its just dues. But to this order there could be 
 but one construction, and it was like telling a cook to slaughter 
 a calf, and then out of superfluous humanity to shed tears over 
 the untimely fate of the unfortunate animal. Wlierever remis- 
 sion was suggested, or an increase recommended, dispropor- 
 tionate to the apparent!// existing means, so many explanations 
 were called for that officials grew wary and wise, and tried to 
 square the statements -so as to appear faultless. And yet it is 
 hard to blame the higher officials for their suspicions. While 
 some Settlement Officers, like the late lamented " James Mmr" 
 zealously and honestly pursued their arduous course amidst 
 the blessings of thousands ; others again contented themselves 
 with hunting and shooting through the length arid breadth of 
 the district entrusted to them, and formed their opinion of the 
 :uatureand value of the soil they had ridden over, intent only
 
 REVENUE SURVEY. 79 
 
 ou their " shikar." But I have gone far enough with my prole- 
 gomena, and shall return to the beginning of my subject, and show 
 how the work proceeded. 
 
 A set of hungry Ameens were let loose upon the district, 
 whose duty it was to set up earthen termini at every angle of 
 the boundary of each estate. Of course they were paid by the 
 job, but they were open to persuasion, when offered in the shape 
 of coin ; and when offers were not voluntary and satisfactory, 
 they, by fair means or by foul, extorted large sums from the 
 zemindars. On the least attempt at backing out, they were re- 
 ported as men inclined to palm frauds to the Peshkar, who in" 
 turn sent up the reports to the Settlement Officers, and the 
 Zemindars were roundly fined. Suppose the demarcation of a~ 
 purgunnah completed, then the survey operations commenced. 
 
 First and foremost, a fat Tindal went to c very large village, 
 and gathering the notables together, he announced to them that 
 the " Paemasli-ka-luskur would encamp therein ; and, mind 
 friends he would say, "get ready ten thousand tnaiks (tent 
 pins), large supplies of straw, and cTiuppurs for the stables and 
 cook-rooms of the Sahebs of the establishment. This hint was 
 always sufficient to induce the Zemindars to shell out handsomely, 
 and to beg of the Tindal to represent to the " SaJieb-i-Mitssah"* 
 that the village was not adapted for an encampment. The Tindal 
 knew very well that the village was too much out of the way to 
 be chosen by the Surveyor, so he pocketed the rupees, went on 
 his way to the next large village, and repeated his experiment of 
 selecting an encampment with similar success. Well, the en- 
 campment has been at length selected, and parties of kltulasccs 
 sent out to prepare the villages for survey. 
 
 This process consisted in fixing the theodolite stations, and re- 
 moving any obstructions in a direct line between every two 
 stations, so as to admit of as correct chain-measurements as possi- 
 ble. But the line-cutters had a fine harvest. A rich crop of 
 sugar-cane, or a fine old mangoe tree, or a peepul, held in venera- 
 tion by the villagers, would come into the direct line. If the 
 zemindars paid freely, the station was removed to one side to 
 avoid the trees or the crops. If they asserted independence, a 
 report of opposition to the survey was made, and in most cases the 
 villagers were heavily mulcted by the Settlement Officer. 
 
 / 
 * Surveyor.
 
 80 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 CHAP. XXIX. 
 
 riiOCEE-DI^GS OF THE SURVEYOBS. 
 
 The lines being prepared for survey, parties of Surveyors were 
 sent out to measure the boundaries. This used to be carefully 
 and satisfactorily done at first by European Assistants ; but it was 
 discovered in the course of time that it was cheaper to use 
 Native Agency and to pay 25 rupees a month to a boundary 
 Surveyor, instead of 150 or 200 to an Assistant. This notable 
 discovery, however, did not answer its end. The Governor-Ge- 
 neral of the day, Lord William Bentinck, convened a meet- 
 ing of Revenue Surveyors (officers in the military service) 
 at Allahabad ; and then and there resolved to carry through the 
 great work at once by the employment of Native Agency un- 
 der European supervision. It took some time, of course, to 
 train Natives to their work ; but it ivas at length accomplished ; 
 and the work then got on as rapidly as the projector,-} had antici- 
 pated. But the new material had odd notions of honesty, and, 
 of course, adopted it, as it seemed to be most beneficial to indivi- 
 dual interests. The Tiudals nearly lost their monopoly, and the 
 gathering of the harvest devolved on more influential hands. The 
 Lalla Sa/ieb, or, as he used sometimes to be styled, the Kumpass- 
 ivala, claimed and took the lion's share of the perquisites. But 
 you ask, " How were the perquisites obtained ?" Why, a common 
 trick was for the Kumpasv-wala to adjust his theodolite, and to 
 pretend surprise that the magnetic needle would not play. The 
 Tindal would anxiously inquire what was wrong. The kkulasees 
 would do the same. The zemindars present would thus have 
 their curiosity excited, and would cro wd round the theodolite with 
 gaping mouths. At last the Tindal would venture to ask the 
 Lalla Saheb whether the usual morning pooja to the instrument 
 had been performed ? This^acted as .a flapper to the Lalla ; and 
 he asked his next neighbour, a zemindar, to put a rupee 011 the 
 glass of the needle. It was done ; but deuce a bit would it 
 move. The attraction is not sufficiently strong, he would say ; 
 try another. This was done until the patience of the villagers 
 was exhausted, and they had put down as many as ten rupees. The 
 Lalla gingerly touched the catch, and the needle swung round 
 to the astonishment and edification of the villagers. The rupees 
 were pocketed, and divided afterwards among the whole of the 
 party. But the ordinary mode was to induce the zemindars to 
 believe that the Kumpass-wala had it in his power to increase or 
 decrease the area of the village by a single squint at the Kttmpass. 
 
 Many an amusing story did I hear of this wonderful Jutrnpass. 
 It possessed the power of reversing everything observed. Hence, 
 if you looked through the tioo/'beeu* at a fort, everything iu-ntle 
 was revealed ! Thus the tfceringhecs so readily took forts : not by 
 skill or by valour, but by means of the wonderful power of the 
 (loorbeen. A young Rajpoot, who was a gay deceiver among the 
 
 * Telescope.
 
 PROCEEDINGS OF THE SURVEYORS. 81 
 
 softer sex, asked whether the doorlieen would shew a woman 
 with her head down \vards. " To be sure it would," was the 
 reply. " But what is your object ?" " "\Vliy," said he, " if the 
 feet be uppermost, the clothes must fall down over the head, and 
 what fun that would be !" The story got wind; and if ever a 
 village woman approached a Kumpass-v:alas party, she squat- 
 ted down, and covered herself well ; so that no expose should take 
 place, if the doorbecn were directed at her. 
 
 The boundary survey over, a party of detail measurers went 
 out to measure the cultivation. If the zemindar feed highly, a 
 good portion of cultivated land was put in as fallow or waste ; 
 uud specifications of soil noted so favourably as to induce a belief 
 that the cultivation was not highly productive. The item of 
 irrigation was exaggerated in the same manner. There were 
 no wells, no ponds, no streamlets to furnish an adequate supply 
 of Avater. If the zemindar did not pay, then a picture diame- 
 trically opposite was drawn and submitted. The cultivation was 
 increased ; every deserted field on which the furrow of a plough 
 was faintly visible, was included under the head of cultivation. 
 The barren waste was entered as " arable," and even tracts of 
 pure sand were represented as fertile. Every field was highly 
 irrigated ; and- the sources of irrigation multiplied. 
 
 It was soon found that a detail-survey, such as I have attempt- 
 ed to describe, was of little service to the Settlement Officer. 
 There was, in the first place, no data for an asameewar settle- 
 ment ; and, secondly, the extent of cultivation was more than 
 doubtful. Then was introduced the admirable mode of Jclius- 
 rah surveys ; a most excellent mode of procedure if you can look 
 sufficiently sharp after the Amfen, to force him to be honest and 
 correct. The mode of procedure was as follows. Well-trained 
 Aiiifen-s were sent to sketch and measure each separate field with 
 an iron chain, which was occasionally tested at head-quarters. This 
 map, when completed, was called a " s livjrah " and exhibited 
 every detail on a large scale. A register-book, called a" khusrah" 
 shewed the number of every field, the name of the cultivator, 
 the length and breadth, the area in local beeffahs, the denomina- 
 tion of soil, and whether the field was irrigated or otherwise, 
 and from what source. But the evil was, that the Surveyor was 
 bound to perform a certain quantity of work within a fixed time; 
 and it was physically impossible for him to look after a hun- 
 dred or more Ameens, spread over a wide tract of country. A 
 natural jealousy between the establishments of the Surveyor and 
 Settlement Officer induced the latter to scrutinize too carefully 
 the work of the Surveyor's Ameens, and at last a compromise 
 was effected. The Settlement Officer placed at the Surveyor's 
 disposal an establishment of examiners and testers, who reported 
 to the Surveyor ; and this officer re-tested the work of the Settle- 
 ment Officer's men. This was done by drawing, at random, 
 red lines over the surface of the field map ; on which lines the 
 examiners proceeded, and so did the Surveyor himself. But it
 
 82 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY". 
 
 will be palpable to the understanding of everybody, that only a 
 small portion of the khusrah work could be thus tested. This 
 arrangement, however, was a grand thing for the Surveyor-.,; for 
 the papers having once been tiled in the Surveyor's office, with 
 the verification of the Settlement Officer's testing Ameens, the 
 responsibility was removed from the former department, and 
 saddled upon the latter. But I shall proceed to give the reader 
 some notion of the " modus operandi" of the khusrah Ameens. 
 
 At the commencement of the Jchusrah surveys the simple and 
 unsophisticated mode of measurement with ropes of Indian 
 hemp, or thongs of leather, was adopted. But let any one that 
 chooses try the experiment ; and he will be astonished at the 
 difference of measurement with the same rope, when in a dry, 
 and when in a wet state. Testing was out of the question ; for 
 the most startling discrepancies were put down to the score of 
 contraction and expansion of the ropes ! To prevent such ex- 
 cuses, iron chains, formed of a stated number of links, and of the 
 size of half a square of a local beer/ah were introduced. I 
 may as well say that every beegah, whatever may be its size, is a 
 square of twenty " lutthas" or poles. Each chain was therefore 
 divided into ten lutthas; and each luttha into ten links. If a 
 zemindar paid handsomely, each luttha was lengthened by the 
 addition of one link ; and if he would not pay, it was shortened 
 in the same proportion. Thus the area of every field, and con- 
 sequently of the entire cultivation, was increased or decreased to 
 a considerable degree. Where bribery took root to any ex- 
 tent, it went throughout the establishment of the testers and 
 the Mohurrirs and Moonshees of the Survey and Settlement 
 office ; and every return was fudged, as school-boys term it. 
 
 It once so occurred, that in a whole purgunnah of a certain 
 district, the survey papers shewed no irrigation throughout its 
 entire length and breadth. The Surveyor and Settlement Offi- 
 cers resolved to see with their own eyes, and sent their tents 
 into the purgunnali. Next morning they proceeded to inspect 
 several villages. It was in the month of November, when, if 
 the rains closed early, irrigation is resorted to .for producing the 
 young rubbee crops. Marks of old water-courses were to be 
 seen in abundance, but not a well was visible. Very odd! they 
 thought ; " Let us follow these water-courses from the fields, and 
 see where they will lead to." It was done ; but it ended in a 
 large stack of bajra-stalks (Jcurlee). They tried another, and 
 a third, but the result was similar. At last, grown desperate, 
 they commenced removing a stack, when several of the \ il- 
 lagers begged of them to desist, lest some accident should 
 occur. They did persist, however, and discovered that a well 
 was hidden by the stack of kurbee ! ! ! They tried several more 
 experiments, with the same satisfactory result. The Ameens 
 were fined heavily, and the testers turned off! and so disgusted 
 was the Settlement Officer at the trick played upon him, that 
 he taxed every field at the highest rate of a field properly irri- 
 gated, whether it had such advantage or not.
 
 SF.TTLEMKNT OFFICT.R?. 
 
 CHAP. XXX. 
 
 THE SETTLEMENT OFFICEES* DUTIES. 
 
 Iii the matter of irrigation, soil, average of produce, name of 
 the holder of the field, and even his caste, the Ameens reaped a 
 rich harvest. 1 have already shewn how statements regarding 
 the first were falsified. As the criterion of the produce of the 
 soil generally is formed from its quality, the returns were ordina- 
 rily made to suit the ultimate views and ends of the Ameens. 
 The name of the holder wa.s a most important point, and which 
 the Surveyors themselves did not understand rightly ; and the 
 changes under this head occasioned serious mischief. The dis- 
 tinction of Seer lands* and Siklimee Asamees'f and hereditary 
 cultivators was not understood, or not regarded. When an 
 opulent Asame.e of the Rajpoot or Brahmin castes asserted inde- 
 pendence, and would not pay, he was recorded as a " Chumar /" 
 "When the register of holdings was publicly .tested, and faUanah 
 Cliiiniar called, no answer was returned from sheer pride of 
 caste ; and the unfortunate wight was obliged to petition the 
 Settlement Officer, and to fee the Qanoongo and Mohurrirs hand- 
 somely to get his name correctly entered. But what I have 
 said was merely the light skirmishing of irregular troops the 
 real seat of war was the Kacherree-i-paemasli ; and the chief plun- 
 derers were the Moonsliecs and their satellites in that de- 
 partment. 
 
 When a Khusrali was tested and signed by the Surveyor, it 
 was sent into the Moonslieekhanah. Xow, the signature was 
 confined to the leaf shewing the J.otal area. Xightly durbars 
 were held by the AToonshcc-jee, and large sums were paid him 
 to falsify the papers entireli/. The page shewing the total area 
 and bearing the Surveyor's signature, was the same, but the de- 
 tails were entirely changed. This was proved to have occurred 
 in the district of Futtehpoor ; and what guarantee is there that 
 similar tricks and deception were not, more or less, uni- 
 versal ? 
 
 The survey-papers are at length prepared, and such as they are, 
 sent to the Settlement Office. What did the inoliiimim lundo- 
 lifst do to correct them ? He could not cry down the kkusrahs 
 because his own establishment had pronounced them to be cor- 
 rect. The most {hat was attempted was a revision of the 
 names of the cultivators, ferislit la dulmewesee ; but the same 
 causes that disfigured the accuracy of the survey papers, Avere 
 here also in full operation, and the result was "confusion 
 worse confounded." 
 
 * Lands entered in the names of proprietors, and cultivated either bv themselves 
 or their under-tenants. 
 
 t Under-tenants, whose names are not registered.
 
 81 REVELATIONS OF AX ORDERLY. 
 
 Now came the actual responsibilities of the Settlement 
 Officers' duties. He had to fix a rental upon each inuJial. He 
 had to apportion the malgoozarce of each ryot to the extent of 
 his holding. He had to adduce reasons for the reduction or in- 
 crease of the revenue. The proper mode would have been for 
 the SaJieb mohtimim to proceed into every village and judge for 
 himself, and fhen to decide this important point. But, alas ! 
 few had the inclination to take so much trouble ; and even if 
 they had, they were hampered by the orders of the superior 
 authorities. They were expected to go through a certain quan- 
 tity of work ; and to save their credit they did so, but to the 
 frustration of the object for which government had appointed 
 them. A common mode was to divide each puryiouiah into a 
 number of imaginary portions assuming that each portion con- 
 sisted of similar soil and facilities for irrigation. Suppose, in 
 passing his order, the MoJitinum Inndobust were to declare that 
 such a purgunnali had the finest soil and was extremely well 
 watered : a Zemindar present insinuated, with folded hands, 
 * ; Gurecb jmnrnr tnera sub dJmrtec lullooa luiee ! panes nahee /"* 
 The Sa/icb would say, " Did I not ride through the purqitnnah 
 on my way to shoot tigers ?" " But, sir, my village is five 
 coss off the road!" " What of that, fellow! am I blind, or 
 shall I see through your eyes r" The Saltcb chuckled at his 
 own wit, and the Sherishtadar and Peshcars, as in duty bound, 
 laughed sardonically, and exclaimed " Ayee ! kumbukht ! 
 Huzoor undlia liac ! ! /"t 
 
 Thus it will be seen, that, by assuming an arbitrary standard, 
 a false valuation of the estates was, as a consequence, made. 
 Scores of really profitable m-vlialx, that were assessed on the 
 average., were very greatly under-rated ; while other estates 
 that were poor, and whose productiveness fell under the average 
 by being lumped with their more profitable neighbours, wero 
 irretrievably ruined. The reports of settlement were plausible 
 enough and read well ; but the results of experience prove the 
 falsity of the data upon which the settlement operations were 
 , based. In calculating the means of a village, the ordinary mode 
 was to take the average of the rates of malqoozaree, and there- 
 by multiply the number of beeyahs under cultivation, to deduct 
 therefrom the ordinary village expenses, and ten per cent, for 
 the Zemindar's mali'kana (or dues for right of management), 
 jind the balance was the government jvmma. Suppose an 
 estate with 1.000 ~beeqalis of cultivation, and the average malyoo- 
 zaree rate to be three rupees a leec/ali, the gross assets would 
 be assumed at 3,000 rupees. There are two chowkedars and one 
 Goraiat at two rupees a month' each, and a Putwaree at four 
 rupees. The annual expense would be 120 rupees. The mali- 
 
 * Cherisher of the poor ! the whole of my lands are sand there is no water ! 
 f Oh ! evil fortune ! is " the presence" blind ?
 
 SETTLEMENT OFFICERS. 85 
 
 kana at ten per cent, would be 300 rupees. The accounts 
 would stand thus : 
 
 Hal hasil (present assets) Ks. 3,000 
 
 Deduct malikana at 10 per cent 300 
 
 Eupees 2,700 
 
 Deduct wages of village servants, 120 
 
 Balance, or Government revenue. 2,580 
 
 By the above calculation it will be seen that the Govern- 
 ment revenue bore the extraordinary proportion of 86 per cent 
 on the gross returns. 
 
 But the duties of a Zemindar do not consist only in receiving 
 the rents from the ryots. He is obliged, or he should be obliged, 
 to make advances to the needy villagers for seed, for the pur- 
 chase of cattle, and for alleviating calamities of season. He is 
 obliged to renew old wells, to dig new ones, and to incur a 
 pretty considerable figure in nuzzurs to the Qanoongo, the 
 Tahseeldar, and the Darogah of police. None of these items 
 are ever taken into account ; and however much the notion of 
 allowing or conniving at such fees may be repudiated, yet they are 
 extorted; and, therefore, some allowances should be made for 
 this secret service expense. Let any one that is doubtful, 
 purchase a pair of oxen and a plough, and cultivate one or five, 
 or ten beegahs of land. Let him set down carefully every item 
 of expenditure, including the expense of irrigation. Let him 
 add to all this the ground rent to the Zemindar and the 
 interest on the money expended. Then take the current or 
 average price of grain and bhoosa, and set both calculations of 
 expenditure and profit in juxta-posiion, he will then have some 
 notion of the large profits of an agriculturist. 
 
 But the roguery of the Zemindars themselves was amusing ; 
 and the way in which they cheated the Settlement Officers 
 astonished me. One fellow had 150 beegahs of very inferior 
 land on one side of his estate, and during the demarcation he 
 himself cut it off from his village. The neighbouring Zemin- 
 dar was only too glad to get 150 beegahs for nothing that 
 did not belong to him ; so he held his tongue. On the opposite 
 ^side of the village there were some exceedingly rich fields, 
 'which the Zemindar claimed as a portion of his estate that 
 he had been fraudulently deprived of. About two years after, 
 when the bundobust was being made, he petitioned that his 
 estate was estimated at 1,000 beegahs, whereas the survey 
 made the area 750 beegahs. He alleged that a neighbouring 
 village had a larger area than he was assessed for, and prayed 
 that the papers of the last bundobust should be examined. He 
 gained his point, and at a trifling expense gained 150 beegahs 
 of the richest laud for the same quantity of the worst descrip- 
 tion abandoned in another direction.
 
 86 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 In the Turaee, vegetation is so rank, that lands, deserted 
 for a couple of years, are so thickly covered with long grass 
 jungle as to induce a belief that the plough had never fur- 
 rowed it. The unconscious Surveyor and Settlement Officer 
 shot floriken and black partridges in these plots of land ; 
 and, of course, readily believed that they were part of the un- 
 cultivated jungle. The famdobust over a hundred ploughs rooted 
 tip the grass, and smiling fields of plenty rewarded the Zemin- 
 dar and cultivator for their ingenuity in deception. 
 
 CHAP. XXXI. 
 
 THE DEPUTIES' DUTIES. 
 
 I have hitherto spoken of the Settlement Officers only, and 
 shall now notice the Deputies who played a very important part 
 in the settlement operations. In most instances, they adjudi- 
 cated all disputes connected with the revenue ; and an appeal 
 lay from their decisions to the Settlement Officer, in the same 
 way as appeals lay from the orders of the latter, to the Commis- 
 sioner of [Revenue. In most instances the Deputies employed on 
 settlement were Natives of the country, Hindoos of the Eayesth 
 tribe and Moosulmans. There were queer stories told of some 
 of these worthies ; and complaints of a serious nature were, on 
 more than one occasion, made to the highest authorities against 
 them ; but the petitions were disregarded. " We cannot afford 
 to listen to complaints against men who get through their work 
 so well" or, " "Whenever a public officer does his duty the 
 people are sure to abuse him, and to charge him falsely," &c., 
 was the usual way of disposing of these matters. Of course, this 
 leaning hi their favor inspired them with fresh confidence, and 
 they went to work under the hope of impunity. If these gents 
 would not work well, it Avas not imputed to their inefficiency 
 er unwillingness ; but their salaries were increased to induce 
 them to exert themselves ! Thus conduct which would have 
 sufficed to damage the reputation and prospects of an Euro- 
 pean officer, most extraordinarily went to elevate the character 
 and fortunes of the Natives, an anomaly that at this distant time 
 we are surprised to find was gravely sanctioned. 
 
 I was much amused at the way in which zemindars were 
 hunted out and discovered, and rights forced upon people who 
 had ceased to liope for them. But, it may be said, that it is 
 never too late to do justice. True, I reply ; if the justice (so 
 called) to one does not involve a greater injustice to another. 
 In the North-AYestern Provinces entire purtjunnalis were held 
 by single individuals, who called themselves Rajahs for instance, 
 purgunnalis Koolliar and Powaeen, in zillah ShajeJianpore 
 who had usurped property by the sharp argument of the sword, 
 previous to the acquisition of the province by the British
 
 DEPUTIES DUTIES. 8? 
 
 Government, and were afterwards, for years, recognised as pro- 
 prietors without question. These large proprietors mismanaged 
 their property, and rack-rented the ryots, and the local govern- 
 ment ordered Mofussil settlements to be made with the Purdhans 
 and Moqitddums. The entire management was taken out of the 
 hands of the Talooqdars, and they were allowed a per centage, 
 or malikana, on the Government assessment. But there was 
 a peculiarity in the tenures of the province of Benares ; and it 
 is to this province that my allusion applies as to the hunt for 
 zemindars. 
 
 The peculiarity in the tenure was this. When Junab Jonatlieen 
 Dankeen Baliadoor made his famous ten years' settlement of 
 Sircar Benares, previous to completing an istimrarce, or perpe- 
 tual lundobust for the Government revenue, engagements were 
 entered into with the zemindar, or with any parties that would 
 accept of the offered conditions. In A. D. 1795, when the 
 perpetual settlement was completed, farming arrangements were 
 made in all those mulials, the zemindars of which would not 
 engage with Government, or where the zemindars' rights were 
 not clearly proven. The revenue was fixed in perpetuity ; but it 
 Avas ruled by Dunkeen Baliadoor that on proof of the rights of 
 zemindars before the Civil Courts, they were to be put in 
 possession of the zemindaree in dispute. Some parties did prove 
 their rights, and did get possession through the Civil Courts. 
 But in a great number of instances, the farmers, or their heirs, 
 had kept uudisputeipossession since 1795, up to 1840-41, when 
 the revision of settlement took place. The common feeling and 
 the public opinion were in favour of the old farmers. They had 
 held possession for forty-five years, dui'ing which time no person 
 claimed the zemindaree. They had fulfilled every condition of 
 their agreement, and naturally looked upon themselves as the dc, 
 facto zemindars. But it was ruled that farmers had no rights ; 
 and to pretend to regard them as zemindars was absurd. The 
 settlement Officers were directed to find out the heirs, lineal or 
 collateral, of the old zemindars, and to make zemiudaree settle- 
 ments with them. 
 
 A period of nearly half a century had elapsed and the gene- 
 ration contemporary with Dunkeen Bahadoor's bundolust had 
 passed away. But to hunt out their heirs was the object to be 
 effected, and the Settlement Deputy Collectors were ordered on 
 this duty. Xo sooner was it known to the people at large that 
 such was the desire of the Sircar, than scores of claimants for 
 dormant zemindarees started into existence. One proved that 
 he was in possession of a mangoe tree which had once formed 
 part of a grove that had been planted by his ancestor, who was 
 zemindar. Another alleged that the mounds of an old r/nrliee, 
 or fort, in the village, had been in possession of his grandfather. 
 A third asserted that a. pukka well, in ruins, on the roadside, had 
 been built by his progenitor (ajah or mooris alah means like 
 the Scotch expression forbear*, indiscriminately applied to any
 
 88 REVELATIONS OP AN ORDERLY. 
 
 progenitor beyond a grandfather.) Some of the grey-beards of the 
 village deponed accordingly as their memories were prompted 
 by the influence of silver. The Qanoongo managed to get hold 
 of a dirty bit of paper called a " polindah," in which it was 
 mentioned that a certain individual was zemindar prior to the 
 British Government, and the Qanoongo had heard that the said 
 person was an ancestor of one of the claimants. Well, to cut 
 short the story, a settlement was made with one of these parties 
 to the entire exclusion of the farmer resident for nearly half a 
 century, 
 
 People were amazed at such proceedings. They shrugged 
 their shoulders and said " Kea kurreh ; hookoom Hakim ka 
 haee !* It would surely have been an act of grace becoming our 
 rulers to have boldly asserted that as no parties had proved their 
 rights to the zemindaree when formerly invited to do so, the 
 rights had escheated to Government ; and that in consideration 
 of the long possession of the Moostajirs,~\ Government had made 
 over those rights of zemindaree to them. But this was not 
 done, and there appeared to be a confusion of ideas on the sub^ 
 ject; for it not unfrequently occurred that a Deputy's order was 
 reversed by the Settlement Officers, and the Settlement Officer's 
 order reversed by the Commissioner, whose order was again 
 upset by the Board, in one continual round of cross-purposes. 
 
 A common occurrence was to lengthen out the proceedings of 
 the Deputies as unmercifully as it was possible ; so that no Eiiro- 
 pean patience could stand the verbiage and tfce round-about al- 
 lusions of the roobukarees. Every one knows how easy it is 
 for a Native writer to spin out to endless length what could 
 have been expressed in a few lines ; and my readers will not be 
 greatly surprised to learn that when the appeals from the Depu- 
 ties' proceedings were numerous, the patience of the appellate 
 authority was exhausted, and was glad to leave matters alone, 
 except in cases of glaring partiality. 
 
 The preparation of the putteedaree papers, and the declaring 
 the shares of the several proprietors, was a source of great gain ; 
 and as this part of the work was also hurried, it was badly done, 
 and gave dissatisfaction to the people. Some parties that had 
 no right whatever to any portion of an estate, managed to get 
 themselves re-recorded proprietors, and one clever rogue, 
 Pudarut Singh, contrived to acquire large possessions. Pudarut 
 first of all used A. in the Civil Court for a twelve anna 
 share, or three-fourths of the village of Danealpoor. A notice 
 was duly served on A., and he replied, that he was not in pos- 
 session, and knew nothing of Pudarufs claim, but still he 
 had to defend a vexatious suit. Upon this, Pudarut sumjhaoed 
 him and offered to pay costs pf suit, and to give him a hundred 
 rupees into the bargain if he would file an ekbal dawee. " You 
 can lose nothing my friend, for I wish to fight it out with, 
 
 * What can be done ? It is the order of the rulers. t Farmers.
 
 REVENUE AUTHORITIES. 89 
 
 Ameer Alee ; and if I get Danealpoor, you will obtain pos- 
 session of a quarter as iny Putteedar for nothing." The bait was 
 swallowed, and an ekbal dawee filed. Pudarut Singh bided his 
 time with consummate patience ; he was not fool enough to con- 
 test the ownership of Danealpoor with Ameer Alee, for he was 
 aware he would not succeed. But after the conclusion of the 
 revision of settlement, Pudarut Singh very coolly put his claim 
 for three-fourths, or 12 annas in every estate that had been set- 
 tled with A. The eTcbal dawee filed in the Civil Court, in the 
 case of Danealpoor, was adduced by Pudarut as a proof of 
 his right, his claim was acknowledged, and he was put in pos- 
 session. 
 
 CHAP. XXXII. 
 
 THE DUTY OF THE EEVENFE AUTHOEITIES. 
 
 The settlements over, and the putteedaree papers prepared, 
 there still remained the very important matter of preparing the 
 jummabundees (registers of holdings). If that which concerns 
 the greatest number be of the greatest importance, then the 
 jummabundees were the most important part of the settlement 
 work. It was "the book" of the poor cultivator, and by it, 
 mainly, would be decided every case of dispute for rent or re- 
 plevin between landlord and tenant. The enlightened, humane 
 and distinguished gentleman who governs at this moment the 
 destines of the N. W. Provinces, was fully aware of the im- 
 portance to be attached to these papers. Junab Jan JSurd Saheb 
 reiterated his injunctions on this head ; but they made a grand 
 mistake, in taking for granted that, their orders would be carried 
 out. And hither again the incubus that weighed painfully on 
 the settlement operations transferred its morbid weight. The 
 icorTc was to be done within a given time. The Deputies issued 
 dustucJcs upon the zemindars, and forced them to pay tullubana 
 until the jummabundees were filed. The Putwarees were 
 seized, brought into camp, and coerced to prepare the papers 
 on a model they did not understand, and which could only have 
 been properly prepared in the villages themselves, the ryots had 
 few opportunities to object to the entries respecting themselves, 
 and the register of holdings was an imaginary register, prepared 
 by the Putwaree at random, to escape duress, or instigated by 
 parties who had a design to effect. The superior authorities 
 directed that a copy of the Jummabundee of every village 
 should be proclaimed by beat of drum in the village ; and 
 then be kept in the most public place for fifteen days, to enable 
 .people to satisfy themselves of its correctness. But few of the 
 cultivators, comparatively, can read ; and those that could, and 
 were curious, tried the experiment ; but found that the pages 
 'were a sealed book to their understanding." A villager found
 
 1)0 REVELATIONS OF ORDERLY. 
 
 that numbers were fixed on his fields. Nobody could tell him 
 how they were to be recognised in the field. He was dissatisfied 
 and gave a petition on stamp paper to the Deputy, objecting to 
 the Jummabundee. The Putwaree was asked to explain what 
 was equally unintelligible to himself. He asked the villager 
 " Tor Jote men lumber dus/lah?"* " Gosyneali janeh /"t was 
 the reply. " Urreli ! lumber dus pokhur oopur lah yamilice ?" J 
 " How ?" granted the ryot. " Again, is not No. 5 in jour jote ?" 
 " The Lord knows !" " What, is not the field to the west of No. 
 100 in your jote?" "No." The Putwaree, however, swore it 
 was ; and the entry remained as it stood at first. 
 
 I cannot call the attention of the revenue authorities too 
 strongly to this important point the correction of tlicjumma- 
 bundees. It should have been a work of time and of patient, 
 laborious, and honest investigation. The Deputies should have 
 been forced to pitch such a number of camps in every purgun- 
 naJi, as would have enabled them to redress the real or ima- 
 ginary wrongs of every asamce by personal and pains-taking 
 local inquiry. What is palpable to the understanding at a 
 glance, can never, except by some lucky chance, be elucidated 
 by the examination of witnesses. I have shewn that the jum- 
 mabundee papers were filed according to a form that was not 
 understood, and which, by a ridiculous misinterpretation, was 
 known as the " nukxha-i-paragraff" (Because a Settlement 
 Officer directed the preparation of the papers according to a 
 certain paragraph of the Board's Circular orders.) In this, all 
 that was attempted was to fix, as they best might, the numbers 
 of every field on the holdings of the several asamees, so as to make 
 the jummabundee tally, apparently, with the Survey and Settle- 
 ment papers. No thought was given to exhibit the actual state 
 of things, or to correct inaccuracies that crept in during a course 
 of years. 
 
 I will relate what actually occurred within the limits of Sircar 
 Benares, not ten years ago, to shew the necessity of personal 
 inspection. There was a village, in which the zemindar alleged, 
 that the river Ganges had swallowed up three hundred beegahs of 
 the best land, subsequent to the survey of the district; and he 
 therefore prayed that a corresponding reduction in the jumma 
 should be made. Inquiries were made through the Qanoonyo 
 and Pulwaree, who deponed on oath to the fact of the alleged 
 encroachment of the river. The llvzoor allowed the remission, 
 " Tahookoomsanee." In another case, the same officer received 
 a petition from certain zemindars and ryots, prajing that the re- 
 venue on one hundred andjifty bceyalis of land be remitted, on 
 the score of " lhillood-boord.' n \\ This was also allowed, " Ta 
 inolaliaza Httzoor."^ As most of my readers will be puzzled to 
 know what " Bullooa boord" means, I will explain by telling 
 
 * Is No. 10 in your Jote (holding) ? t God knows. 
 
 t What,? Is not No. 10 on the tank? I T ntil further orders. 
 
 || Smothered in sand. If Until inspection.
 
 JtEVENUE AUTIIOBITJES. 91 
 
 them that the literal translation is, buried under sand. The claim 
 in thia instance was founded on the allegation, that one hundred 
 and fifty beegahs of rich land had been so covered over by the 
 sand of the G anges river, as to be no longer culturable. It so 
 happened for the punishment of the iniquities of the aforesaid 
 petitioners, that the investigation of these two. cases was made 
 over to an officer who could understand the survey papers, and 
 who was not in the habit of trusting implicitly to kyjcuts, 
 however well attested ; and he mounted his horse and rode to 
 the spot. On comparing the shitjrah (or field map) with the 
 spot alleged to have been destroyed by the encroachment of 
 the river, he found, to his astonishment, that the entire fields 
 were intact, and that, owing to the high bank of the river and 
 its escarpment, it was physically impossible for the river to be 
 guilty of any usurpation of seignioral rights. And on pro- 
 ceeding to the spot alleged to have been buried under sand, he 
 found, to his surprise, that the fields indicated in the petition 
 for remission were the richest and best cultivated in the vici- 
 nitij ! ! ! The proper orders were passed, and the Putwarees 
 punished by dismissal from office. Now, I would ask, how was it 
 possible for any officer to satisfy himself as to the merits of the 
 case before him, such as I have described, without personal 
 inspection ? 
 
 And since the juramabundees prepared by the Settlement De- 
 puties were not attempted to be vested by personal inspection, 
 another error was allowed to creep in, which shewed the inge- 
 nuity of the zemindars, but was no proof of their foresight. In 
 some resumed maufee* villages, where the settlement officers were 
 ordered to assess the mulial at half the calculated assets, the 
 exmaufeedars exhibited a false rental, in which every asamee 
 was put down at one-half of his actuul rate of malgoozaree. The 
 consequence was that the Government jumma was fixed at one- 
 foxrfh of the actual assets, instead of one-half. The jummabun- 
 dee" paragrqff"' being duly filed, a year or two was allowed to 
 elapse, and then the zemindar petitioned the Collector to be per- 
 mitted to increase the rates, alleging that he had just found out 
 that the Putvcaree had falsified the mohtimim's paragraff. But 
 this prayer was denied, on. the ground that he had been 
 guilty of deception, and had wilfully caused his Puticaree to 
 mis-state facts, and that he must abide by the consequences. In 
 a similar manner several zemindars filed jummabundees, barely 
 equalling the Government revenue in amount, in the hope that 
 a reduction in the revenue would be made. But a settlement in 
 perpetuity is not so easily set aside, and the invariable result 
 of such roguery was to the loss of the zemindar, and the gain of 
 the ryot. 
 
 Ever since the jummabundee of the Settlement Office, what 
 has ever been attempted to correct it ? Nothing. The rule 
 seems to be to warp every succeeding year's paragrcfffs, so as to 
 
 * Exempt from revenue.
 
 92 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY, 
 
 correspond with the papers filed at the Settlement. The names 
 of defunct parties are entered, as the cultivating asamees, and, 
 despite the natural fluctuations in village rentals, the papers are 
 made to correspond, year after year, with almost literal exact- 
 ness. But how is this to be remedied ? Let one Deputy be set 
 apart for these jummabundees and summary suits alone, in 
 every district ; and if there be still complaints of error, why, turn 
 him out. The present strength of the establishment is insuffi- 
 cient for more than the current duties. 
 
 CHAP. XXXIII. 
 
 MOONSIFFS, SUDDEB AMEENS, PRINCIPAL SUDDEB AMEENS, 
 ZILLAH JUDGES AND THE SUDDEB DEWANEE ADALUT. 
 
 I have endeavoured to expose a few of the blemishes in the 
 administration of the Revenue and Criminal departments ; and 
 I shall now notice the Dewanee Adalut. My readers will not 
 expect much legal knowledge from " An Orderly, so I shall con- 
 fine myself to noticing facts that have occurred, and which do 
 occur every day in these Courts, and the truth of which may 
 be verified by any one that chooses to make inquiry of the people. 
 "With all the present extra machinery of Government in this de- 
 partment, the several grades of Moonsiffs, Sudder Ameens, Prin* 
 cipal Sudder Ameens, and learned Judges, the system does not 
 work to the satisfaction of the people. As in a piece of ma- 
 chinery having a multiplicity of wheels, the stoppage of a minor 
 wheel will prevent the revolution of the larger ones, so in the 
 machinery of the Dewanee Courts the wheels are sometimes 
 checked now at the small en'd, presently at a medium one, and 
 again at the main wheel, which appears to move all the rest ; 
 and the whole will not go on smoothly until they are sufficiently 
 greased by the " oil of palms" in the minor division. And here I 
 would have it distinctly understood that my remarks will apply 
 not to any individual, or to any zillah, but to the whole system, aa 
 a machine, in which there are some screws loose. 
 
 As in duty bound, let me begin at the lowest end, and show 
 how justice is done by a Moonsiff. The son of a Lalla earning ten 
 rupees a month, who from childhood is, of necessity, conversant 
 with all the petty chicanery and fraud practised around him, be- 
 comes a Mohurrir, or writer to a Vakeel. He is brought up at 
 the feet of Gamaliel like Paul, to become a persecutor ; and as in 
 Paul's case, a miracle must be worked for his conversion. After 
 a few years, the lad finds that he can aptly quote the regulation 
 or construction, or precedent which gained such and such a case. 
 He has a tenacious memory, and is naturally sharp-witted, and 
 aspires to become a Moonsiff. He fees the Serishtadar, who 
 certifies to his respectability to the judge, who allows his name to 
 be entered as a candidate, and he is permitted to stand an exa-
 
 OFFICER'S OF JUSTICE. 93 
 
 urination. In the statement presented to the judge, the lad styles 
 himself zemindar ; because, forsooth, his father lias a on e pie 
 share in a small village, which may yield him, perhaps, 24 ru- 
 pees per annum. In the questions put to the candidates, lit- 
 tle else is required to answer them than a retentive memory and 
 a knowledge of the usages of the Courts. K"o questions are put 
 to test their having been well-grounded in jurisprudence ; no at- 
 tempt to ascertain the nature of their education, and the depth or 
 ehallowness of their understanding. The lad passes his examina- 
 tion, receives his diploma, and, when a vacancy occurs and fortune 
 favours him, he is elevated to the rank and office of a Moonsiff. 
 Behold the Lalla is dropped, and changed for the title of a 
 Rae Bahadoor by virtue of his office. He dons an umtnama or 
 turban, and envelopes himself in an ample kubba. He seats 
 himself crossedJegged in a chair (to be on a par with his superior, 
 the Saheb Judge) and moves about his head like a porcelain 
 " Chinese Mandarin," and occasionally shakes his caput like a 
 " Burleigh " to show his extraordinary wisdom. For, be it 
 known, that the heavier a Kayestfts head is stuffed with the 
 jargon of the law, the more violently must it play at t( See-saw" 
 during his pretended or real cogitations. A case comes on. 
 Baboo Dabee Dyal Singh versus Mosummat DilcJiusp, claiming 
 100 rupees, with interest thereon at 12 per cent : The Vakeel of 
 plaintiff produces the bond duly signed and witnessed. The 
 writer of the bond and the witnesses are summoned. They 
 depone upon oath to the fact of having witnessed the defendant 
 come to the house of the plaintiff, and of her having received 
 the coin, and of her having asked them to witness the transac- 
 tion. The defendant is served with a notice according to estab- 
 lished form. She sends for a Vakeel and asks advice. It is a 
 cursed lie, she tells him ; the bond is a fabrication, and the 
 plaintiff and witnesses unknown to her. She asks the Vakeel 
 whether he believed she would condescend to borrow a paltry 
 hundred rupees, when, from the Baboo to the Rajah, all are 
 the slaves of her youthful charms ? The Vakeel shakes his head 
 in incredulity, and assures her of his best services, but hints 
 that it will be necessary for her to prove that she did not re- 
 ceive the money, and did not write the bond. She throws her 
 fingers out in the face of the Vakeel with a " tobah !" and de- 
 sires him to get a decree in her favour and to leave her in peace. 
 The Vakeel thinks over the matter, but can find no loop-hole for 
 his client to creep through, except the Moonsiff Saheb himself 
 favour her, or that fraud and lying on one side be encountered 
 with a similar array on the other side. He wisely adopts the 
 latter course. He suborns witnesses, who prove that Mosummat 
 Dilchusp did send by them the sum of one hundred rupees to 
 Baboo Debee Dyal Singh, the plaintiff, with ten rupees for in- 
 terest thereon. A receipt is produced, which the witnesses re- 
 cognise upon oath as being the receipt of the plaintiff, and 
 the case is dismissed with costs.
 
 94 REVELATIONS OF ORDERLY. 
 
 Answer me, ye sapient ! who is to blame for using such 
 questionable means to escape the fangs of the law ? And yet, 
 without opposing fraud by fraud, how is villany to be encoun- 
 tered. Moral obligations must cease to have influence when the 
 law, which is supposed to protect, is not sufficient to check the 
 atrocious practices which subvert its best ends. Hence ignorant 
 men like myself and my brethren, infer that if the law cannot 
 protect us, we must do so ourselves ; and since the law cannob 
 penetrate through the mysterious veil of villany and punish 
 it signally, we must adopt cunning to overthrow conspiracy. 
 
 A very false argument is commonly made use of to defend 
 the selection of Moonsiffs from the lower orders of the people 
 viz, that they are intimately acquainted with the prejudices, 
 the feelings, and the customs .of the country ; and that they will, 
 therefore, more readily aiford satisfactory justice to the people, 
 than officials who have no common interest with them. But this 
 is the cant of theory. Ask the people themselves, and they will 
 tell you what is acknowledged in all parts of the world, that the 
 people naturally look up to the well-born and the well-educated 
 as their protectors ; and that they commonly distrust those 
 who have risen from their own level to a higher sphere. The ties 
 of private life must operate with more or less force, and bias 
 the judgment ; and very few have the moral resolution to with- 
 stand the importunity of near connections. This is not suffi- 
 ciently attended to, and MoonsifFs are appointed to districts where 
 they have been born and bred and where natural associations 
 must bias their judgments. Besides, Hindoo society is so con- 
 stituted, that deference and respect are paid by the inferior 
 castes to the higher. Were a Brahmin to threaten to stab 
 himself if a suit went against him, would any Kayesth Moonsiff 
 or Sudder Ameen take upen himself to decree against him ? 
 These considerations have influence every day, and to a greater 
 degree and extent than most readers can imagine. 
 
 Between the Moonsiff and the superior grades to which he 
 may rise, the only difference consists in their different salaries 
 and their degrees of power. The nature of the man continues 
 the same, but his appetite is increased ; and why should this 
 surprise people ? A nuzzur varies in proportion to the status of 
 the party to whom it is offered, and an offering to a small deity, 
 which will be held meet for his dignity, will be an insult to a 
 bigger one, who has been used to hecatombs. In all these 
 grades of office, as in most others, a great evil exists : I allude 
 to the mode adopted of judging of an official's ability and effi- 
 ciency by certain statements which are called for, monthly, by 
 the superior Courts. These forms are dry statistics of work 
 done ; they cannot shew hoiv that work was done. Some of 
 the most efficient and honest of our judicial officers those who 
 are most popular with the people are they that are in bad re- 
 pute with the Suddur. Let me mention one name, and to my 
 humble praise the whole city of KnsTiee will respond Mr. James
 
 OFFICER'S OF JUSTICE. 95 
 
 Campier ; although respected and revered by the people, he is 
 all but ridiculed in the annual reports of the Suddur. As his 
 best eulogium, I will simply say, that he is a poor man and 
 with one exception (the late Moluvee Gholam Yahea) I know 
 no other of whom this can be truly said. In such cases, why is 
 not an occasional toy given as a reward ? A watch, a ring, a 
 standish may be given as a proud distinction ; and the favour 
 will not be wanting in effect, if it be properly bestowed.* 
 
 CHAP. XXXIV. 
 
 OFFICEES OF JUSTIL 
 
 ' In the good old days," when Judges received the munificent 
 salary of 300 rupees per mensem, the practice of the Courts was 
 to extort in fees from the plaintiff and defendant so much as to 
 enable the Judges to live in splendour, and to retire with princely 
 fortunes. The late Mr. Brooke used frequently to relate how 
 he was enabled to live up to ten thousand rupees a month when 
 his Honourable Masters paid him three hundred ! Never a 
 petition that was presented was filed, until the party had given 
 a fee to the Huzoor, in proportion to the amount or value of the 
 property contested. This was done, as a matter of course, until 
 the final proceeding, when the party who gained the cause pre* 
 sented the Judge with a SkooJcranah (or thanksgiving-offering). 
 Since those days a very different system of payment has been 
 adopted, and the fees are pocketed by Government in the shape 
 of proceeds of stamps. The restrictions on every class of pub- 
 lic officers has produced a salutary effect ; but every order may 
 be evaded. Even the order lately passed, directing every Judge 
 to write the summing-up (wujoohaipva. his own hand-writing, is 
 practised in letter, but not in spirit. In many instances, the 
 Serislitadar writes the roobukaree as usual ; the English writer 
 translates the summing-up ; and the Judge corrects it and re- 
 writes it ! ! ! Others again, who are men of talent, and quite 
 capable of doing their duty, have not leisure for the purpose \ 
 they nre so busy in playing at billiards, shooting, or horse- 
 racing ; so the work, for which they are paid, is left to be done 
 by their Native officials. But, generally speaking, these are soli- 
 tary exceptions, and not the rule. An official of this stamp, 
 some years ago, was desirous of proceeding at once to Calcutta 
 to attend some races. He sent for his SerisJttadar, and desired 
 him to make three parcels of all the cases pending. " Mind, 
 my friend," said the learned Judge, " I shall be absent for one 
 month. Meantime, write the *usual orders in every case, and 
 write the decrees for plaintiff in the cases contained in this 
 
 * What could be more impressive than a public acknowledgment of good 
 service by a governor ; and a public presentation of a token of the respect and 
 consideration of Government ?
 
 96 REVELATIONS OF AN ORDERLY. 
 
 parcel ; non-suit all the second, and dismiss all the third " ! ! \ 
 Here was an equitable distribution of justice ! The same officer 
 was inclined to favour a party in a suit before him, and he de- 
 sired the Serishtadar to decree for plaintiff. While the roobu~ 
 karee was in course of preparation, the party alluded to waited 
 on the Judge, and entreated of him to befriend him. The 
 Serishtadar was sent for, and asked whether the " hookoow, 
 monasib"* had not been passed ? " Tes junab-i-alee !" Upon 
 this, further enquiry was made ; and the Judge found out that 
 he had intended to dismiss the case ! The Serishtadar was desired 
 to do so accordingly ; but he had pocketed a handsome fee from 
 the plaintiff, and was what is called " in a fix." He was forced 
 to obey the Huzoor's order, but inserted a sentence that rendered 
 the dismissal of the suit nugatory : he quoted Regulation X of 
 1813, which is applicable only to the abkaree. The plaintiff 
 appealed ; and as the order was grounded on false premises, it was 
 of course reversed. 
 
 There used to be a very common practice in former years of 
 gentlemen that were found unqualified for the important duties 
 of Collector of Revenue, to be promoted to Judgeships. My 
 readers will doubtless call to mind several such. There was one 
 very well known in this neighbourhood, who was notoriously 
 the puppet of his Serishtadar. This latter worthy used to wait 
 in person on the Huzoor every morning, with a list of the cases 
 that would be called on that day, and the Saheb Judge wrote 
 against each case " decree" or " dismiss,' as he was prompted. 
 In full Kacherree, after going through the farce of hearing all 
 the pleadings and depositions, he would decide as had been pre- 
 viously concerted. The Serishtadar, although very corrupt, 
 was a very able officer, and the Saheb not only seldom had his 
 orders reversed, but was accounted a wise personage by the 
 Suddur. This gentleman could not tolerate the idea of a Euro-' 
 pean being in Court as a party. One day, a respectable English 
 planter, who had a case in Court, and who could not account for 
 the delay, went in person into the Court. The sapient Judge 
 in a blustering voice demanded his business ? He submitted 
 that he had business, and respectfully enquired whether the Court 
 was not an open one ? " No, sir," was the rejoinder ; " it i 
 not. Go out, sir, and send your constituted Vakeel" ! ! ! 
 
 The same Judge had a case before him, in which the thing 
 contested was a village, the localities of which were unknown to 
 everybody. However, the learned Judge had discovered that the 
 village contained an area of seventy-five leegahs. He decreed 
 accordingly, and a precept was issued to the Collector to put 
 the decree-holder in possession. The Collector respectfully inti- 
 mated to his worship, that if he* would depute some person to 
 point out the land decreed, he would duly put the decree- 
 holder in possession. The Judge wrote back, " that it was his 
 
 * Proper order.
 
 OFFICER'S OF JUSTICE. 97 
 
 province to order, not to point out how his order was to be 
 executed." The result was, as might have been anticipated, 
 that the order is in abeyance at this very moment. Verily, 
 this man was a Solomon ! 
 
 An Indigo Planter in a neighbouring district took Borne lands 
 for sowing indigo. His name may have been Smith, or Brown, 
 or Thomas ; so we shall call him Mr. Thomas, as the name is a 
 good old name, and sounds well. Mr. Thomas was allowed to 
 sow the indigo seed without opposition ; but when the plant had 
 sprung up, one Ram Deehul Singh claimed the land as his and 
 demanded the rent. " Very hard," thinks Mr. Thomas, " to be 
 obliged to pay twice ;" and he told the man to go to law. For 
 he had taken the lands on the good faith of Fureb Singh,, with 
 whom he had interchanged agreements, and to whom he had 
 made an advance of capital. Sam Deehul Singh accordingly insti- 
 tuted a suit against Mr. Thomas for possession of the indigo 
 lands. There was no doubt that he was the rightful owner, so 
 he obtained a decree in his favour, and to be put into possession 
 of his lands immediately. Now, Mr. Thomas's head Mohurrir, 
 or Goomashtaj was brother to the Decree Nuvees of the Court ; 
 and the loss and inconvenience to Mr. Thomas, if the indigo were 
 uprooted, were duly explained to the Shcrishtadar ; and he took 
 upon himself to add to the decree, " after the indigo is cut" 
 thereby keeping the decree-holder out of his own for eighteen 
 mouths ! ! ! 
 
 It is a good old custom for a writer, who may have ventured 
 to appear before the public , to take leave of his indulgent 
 readers in a formal address, and to mention the inducements that 
 led him to " take up his pen." I accordingly thank my readers 
 for their favourable notice of my endeavours to amuse, as well 
 as to instruct them. I was induced to make " An Orderly" 
 endeavour to expose the trickery and vice of the Courts, as 
 the only means in my power to bring so important a matter 
 before the public, and prominently before the authorities ; in 
 the hope that steps would A taken to remedy the evils brought 
 to notice. I had no personal enmity to revenge ; no personal 
 friendship to serve ; no ambitious object to attain. If the truths 
 I have written have the effect of remedying one single evil that 
 may press heavily upon the ryot, in that shall be my reward. 
 Eeader, farewell ! with a low salaam, I say to one and all, Khoda 
 Hajiz* 
 
 PANCHKOTJREE KHAN. 
 
 * God preserve you. 
 
 THE END.
 
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