734 F23 B 3 1SS S7b w~ WEDLOCK IN TIME ^ Wedlock In Time By DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS Author of "Laugh and Live" "Making Life Worth While." New York BRITTON PUBLISHING COMPANY Copyright, 1918 Britton Publishing Company, Inc. Made in U. S. A. All rights reserved. GIFT "Pa WEDLOCK IN TIME It is a happy idea to marry while we are young— a fine thing— a good thing— a pleas- ant duty indeed to marry the woman of our choice at a time of life when both are at an age when adjustment is natural and lasting loyalties are implanted in our hearts and minds for all time. We make a sad mis- take when we postpone so important a step just for the sake of becoming a rich man first so that our bride-to-be may step into luxur- ious quarters and never have to lift her dainty hands except to sip from the glass of nectar we have set before her. The real facts compiled by the statistical "System Sams" are against this idea. The balance comes up in red ink on the wrong side of the ledger. According to these gentlemen the average 7 M3541G2 8 WEDLOCK IN TIME mortal is likely to be very fat and much over forty before he can make an offering accord- ing to his first generous impulses and the chances are he will never reach the goal in this life. By the time he might be financially ready there is a hard glint in his eye, and he will be looking for the mote in the eye of his lady love. The waiting game is a hard one and it makes as worldly. After the lapse of years what once seemed a rose might appear to me more of a hollyhock. Naturally we never blame ourselves for the changes. Had we obeyed the grand im- pulse in the hour of our youth we might have kept the garden full of roses and the hollyhocks would never have sprouted there. Then the home nest would have tinged our sensibilities with its loveliness and our affec- tions would have been nailed down hard and fast forever and a day. Among the many baffling problems which the young man faces, and for that matter, any man, is marriage. More thought, more energy and more time is taken up over this one decisive step than over any other. The WEDLOCK IN TIME 9 reasons are obvious. It involves for life the happiness of the contracting parties — not only in a direct and personal way, but also in a general sense. The man's business suc- cess largely depends upon the helpmate he has in his home. His career is at her mercy. For example, if the wife should turn out to be unsympathetic, and uninterested in his ambitions, this fact might warp his prospects by causing him to lose heart in facing the large problems awaiting him along the road of opportunity. However, if she is of a cheerful, energetic disposition and willing to do all that she can to help him over the rough spots as they travel along together he will be inspired into action and will do his level best. He will be conscious as he goes about his work that there is one person above all upon whom he can depend — his wife. Marriage is a serious business and usually we concede that point in the beginning. However, this is not aimed as a blow at life's greatest romance . . . it is merely the recog- nition of an elemental fact. . . . Marriage must have its practical side. To become sue- 10 WEDLOCK IN TIME cessf ul in the highest degree man and wife must establish a comradeship. It is not the part of wisdom that either should rule the other, but rather that each should have the interest of the other at heart and should strive to be helpful one unto the other. Two men can go through life the best of friends, each holding the respect and confidence of the other. So can two women. Then, why not a man and wife? Needless to say they can, and do. Such partnerships are sure of success. It is only through lack of comrade- ship that love flies out of the window — and lights on a sea-going aeroplane. The marriage state is a long contract — it should not be stumbled into by man or woman. Nor should we become cowardly to the point of backing out of it altogether. Love is blind only to the blind. Either party to the tie that binds has a chance to know in advance whether the venture is safe and sane. All a man has to consider after he knows his own heart is that the woman of his choice is sensible, considerate and healthy. Other things being equal he can take the WEDLOCK IN TIME 11 leap without hesitancy. We shouldn't bor- row trouble. Of course there are those who should never marry. They do, however, and when they do they loan themselves to the mockery of the marriage state. There is no time to dwell on this thought for it is just something that goes on happening anyway and has no bearing upon the advisability of "wedlock in time" between people of horse sense. Given a good wife, after his own heart, no manly man has a righteous kick coming against the fates. Under such circumstances if things go wrong he will find the fault within himself. Of course we should, to the fullest possible extent, be prepared for mar- riage before assuming its responsibilities. We should at least have a ticket before em- barking — and it is the real man's duty to provide the ticket. Since it is to be a long voyage a "round trip" isn't necessary. In other words, a man needn't be rich when he marries — but he should not be broke, either. Lack of funds a few days after the honey- moon is too hard a test for matrimony to 12 WEDLOCK IN TIME bear nobly. It is too much like inviting a catastrophe through lack of good, hard sense to begin with. It shows poor generalship at the very start — and there is the liability of causing great distress and hardship to a tender-hearted little woman. It would be a sad blow to her to find that the man of her choice was, after all, just an ordinary fellow — a man without foresight. There are four seasons in married life — spring, summer, fall and winter, and we are going to need a comrade as we go through each of them. And the one we want is the one we start with — the gentle partner in all our joys and sorrows. It is she who will stand back of us when all others fail. When the children come along to bless our days and inspire us to greater efforts we are glad to look into their happy, smiling faces and find that they resemble their mother — their soft cheeks are like hers, their hands, their dainty ways, their caresses. And when mama looks into those same bright eyes they make her think of their daddy. The fond affection be- stowed upon the children by both parents is WEDLOCK IN TIME 13 but another mode of expressing their regard for each other. Springtime days, these ! When little tots climb up and entwine their arms about our necks. If this were married life's only com- pensation it would not prove in vain — for when the babies enter the home the tie that binds becomes hard and fast — if the man is a manly man. To become the father of a bright-eyed babe is an experience of the highest importance to a young man getting started. It reinforces his courage, doubles up his ambitions and puts him on his mettle. He has a new responsibility and it adds to his strength of character to assume it in all its phases. Another thing it brings comfort and joy to the mother during the long days while her man is out in the fray. It drives ennui out of the household throughout our springtime days. And when summer comes along new hopes dawn within us. Springtime had found us up and doing and when it merged into the new season we found our aspirations even stronger than before. Children must be edu- 14 WEDLOCK IN TIME cated and their futures prepared in advance as far as may be. They must not go into the world without tools to work with. Mean- while the household teems with plans and be- comes a veritable dreamland of youthful fervor. We find that having helped our children into attractive personalities they have become magnets with which to draw about us their comrades. Thus we hold on to our youth by virtue of our surroundings — creatures of our thoughtfulness concerning "wedlock in time" That the fall season is coming has no ter- rors for us. There will be the weddings and plannings for new homes close by — if we have our say. And in due course, the grand- children will come who will favor grandpa and grandma and once again youth knocks at our door. There will be no dread winter days for us for we have been forehanded — we have a new crew on board to chase away the cares of old age and infirmities. Try how we will there is no way to fore- stall the operation of the law of compensa- tion. We reap as we sow. The world will WEDLOCK IN TIME 15 be good to those who compel its respect by becoming the right sort of citizens. Wed- lock in time — that's the answer! Living beyond our means is a big subject that must be treated broadly, for circum- stances alter cases. There is a sane way to look at every problem, and the matter of liv- ing beyond our means is one of the major problems we have to face. If every man was alike and every avocation in life was on a parity, it would be possible to dispose of this subject in a paragraph. But men are not alike. What one could do successfully might easily baffle another. Therefore, it seems advisable to consider the subject by looking into its depths. To most people debt is terrifying. To some it means nothing — and thus we have in- dividual temperament as an angle from which to consider. Living beyond our abil- ity to pay means going into debt via the shortest route. Getting out of debt means a revision of our code to the extent of ceasing to live beyond our means and saving some- 16 WEDLOCK IN TIME thing with which to pay off what we owe. Some men can do this successfully — others fail while seemingly trying their best to suc- ceed — and still others do nothing to stem the tide. With these it is a matter of how the tide serves. If favoring winds should drive them to opulence they would more than likely pay up, particularly those imbued with sufficient personal honor to "make good." Such are the exigencies of life, we may as well concede that a vast majority at some time or other find it necessary to owe more than they can readily pay. Emergencies arise which force us into expenses that re- quire credit, and if we have so ordered our lives that when the pinch comes we have no credit established the fact that we pay out our last dollar and go hungry to bed does not bring us much sympathy. Thus it would seem that to be able to say : "I pay as I go," or, " I owe no man a dollar, " or, " I never live beyond my means" is not much of a boast, when, after a death in the family, or other unforeseen circumstances, we find ourselves WEDLOCK IN TIME 17 broke and nowhere to turn for accommoda- tion. It has been aptly said that "people can save themselves to death/' In other words, one may develop the saving habit to such an extent that " Laugh and Live" can find no room beside us on the perch of our existence. We must admit that the systematic saver of pennies misses a lot as he goes along, and, with time, degenerates into a sort of "Kill Joy." In the matter of regulating his fam- ily to his way of thinking he usually has an uphill job. Sons leave home as soon as they can ; daughters marry and breathe a sigh of relief, leaving mother behind to slave on in order that the hoard may grow. While all of this is true it only represents extreme cases, therefore it should not be con- strued that this chapter is launched against the habit of saving. Rather, its purpose is to suggest the thought of not "oversav- ing" at the expense of personal welfare. Our best plan would be to save in reason, not forgetting that life is here to enjoy as we go along. Then, too, we must have a credit 18 WEDLOCK IN TIME rating among our fellow mortals, just the same as a business person must have credit rating among financial institutions. Credit in business is worth more than money because it allows for expansion whereas money in the bank is only good as far as it goes. Many a merchant who bought and sold for cash all his life found when he came to enlarge his business that one thing was lacking — credit. The fact that he had always paid cash threw a doubt upon his financial condition when he proposed to bor- row. He had neglected to build up a credit as he went along. The business world only knew him as a man who paid cash and ex- pected cash. Taken at his fullest inventory he had " scalped' ' a living out of the world which he had done but little to make hap- pier or better. One calamity might easily scuttle his prospects forever — for instance, a fire, or a bank failure. And without credit it would be difficult to start over again. By all means we must save something for the " rainy day" as we go along — and our savings can be made up of other things than WEDLOCK IN TIME 19 actual cash in bank. One item of our savings is the habit of keeping up our appearances. Living beyond our means does not incorpor- ate the thought that, in order to save every possible cent, we should become slipshod and shabby. Carelessness in dress takes away from our rating as nothing else will for it has to do with first impressions of those with whom we come in contact. Gentility pays dividends of the highest order, being, as it is, a badge of character. Neatness bespeaks character, and it is just as cheap in dollars and cents to keep ourselves respectably clothed as to indulge in shoddy apparel under the delusion that we have saved money on the purchase price. Good clothing, cost- ing more at the start, lasts long and looks well as long as it lasts. Shoddy apparel never is anything else but shoddy, and well might it proclaim the shoddy man. When we throw away our opportunity to present a genteel appearance, just for the sake of the bank roll, we doom ourselves to defeat in the pursuit of knowledge. We can- not get all we want to know by the mere 20 WEDLOCK IN TIME reading of books. We must mingle with peo- ple; we must interchange thought that we may crystallize what we know into practical knowledge so it can be made into tools to work with. While a man of brains is wel- come everywhere the matter of his appear- ance has a lot to do with how he is received and with whom he may fraternize. " Isn't it a pity," we hear people say, "that, with all his brains, he hasn't sense enough to make himself presentable ?" But the worst phase of the situation is that the unkempt man sooner or later loses faith in himself and either ceases to hoard at the ex- pense of his gentility or he gives up his op- portunity to mingle with others and lapses into habits consistent with miserly thoughts. The phrase "a happy medium" is well known and decidedly applicable to the sub- ject of saving as we go along so that we may avert the sorrows which follow in the wake of living beyond our means. It suggests a desirable middle course which permits us to adopt a sane policy, rather than flying to an extreme. WEDLOCK IN TIME 21 It cannot be said that we are living beyond our means when by reason of our association with men of affairs we need to spend more money and thereby save less in preparing ourselves for the larger opportunities which will naturally follow. Young men often go through college on their "uppers," so to speak. There is not a cent which they could honestly save as they went along without cheating themselves. The point is that their situations in life force them to spend rather than to save money. But in so doing the real saving was in the spending thereof. They enlarged their knowledge and de- creased their "bank accounts for the time "be- ing p . What man parts with in an emergency is no license, however, for him to fall back into profligacy. Never should a man en- tirely lose the idea of putting something by. The college boy in this case has simply in- vested his money in an education instead of a bank account. Once on the highroad of life with a plan of action well defined and a regular income the habit of putting money away should become 22 WEDLOCK IN TIME a fixed procedure. In no other way do we accumulate except by investment, and invest- ment means putting away money at interest or in some project which promises better re- turns. It is not within the province of all men to become wealthy and, after all, wealth is not the only desideratum ; the happiest of mor- tals are found in the middle walks of life and not in the extremes. The struggle should be to escape the life which saps our strength, keeps our nerves on edge and drives us away from the green pastures. Consideration for others is man's noblest attitude toward his fellow man. For every seed of human kindness he plants, a flower blooms in the garden of his own heart. In him who gives in such a way there is no hypo- critical feeling of charity bestowed. His very act disarms the thought. It is as nat- ural for an honorable man to show consider- ation to others as it is for him to eat and sleep. Acts of kindness are the outward manifestations of gentle breeding — a refine- WEDLOCK IN TIME 23 merit of character in the highest sense of the word. What would we do in this world without the helping hand, the friendly word of cheer, the thought that others shared our losses and cheered our victories ? If consideration for our feelings and thoughts did not exist on this earth we would never know the depths of the love of our friends. There would be no such thing as an earthly reward of merit. Consideration for others is the milk of human kindness. For what we do for others our recompense is in the act itself ... we should crave no other reward. Observation brings to view that they who give in real charity cloak their acts from the eyes of all save the recipient. Givers of this type rise to the supreme heights of greatness. It is a part of their wisdom to know what is best to be done and they go about it as a pleasure as well as a duty. Consideration for others pays big divi- dends. It is a virtue that makes for strong friendships and true affections. Those who possess it have a hard time hiding their light 24 WEDLOCK IN TIME under a bushel. In teaching fortitude to others they partake of the same knowledge. In the hours of their own affliction they re- tain their courage and keep their minds un- soured. They are the sure-enough "good fellows" of life and their presence is the sig- nal for instantaneous good cheer. We all know them by their gentle knock at the door. In a thousand ways they impress themselves upon our lives, have entered into our coun- cils, have given us the right advice at the right time — and when the sad day comes along their strong shoulders are there for us to lean upon. Consideration for others is apt to be an inherent quality, but like everything else it can be accentuated or modified according to our own determination. It is a growth that should be inculcated early in the lives of children — the earlier the better. A child's most impressionable age is said to be between its fourth and fifth years. Then is the time to teach it the little niceties of life — the clos- ing of a door softly — tip-toeing quietly that mother may not be awakened from her nap WEDLOCK IN TIME 25 — tidiness — cleanliness — good morals — all of which are to become vital factors in a life of consideration for others. A great many of us have the desire to be of service to others but timidity holds us back. Say, for instance, one might see a person in great distress and because of diffidence with- hold the proffered hand — someone we've known who comes to the point of penury but has too much pride to ask assistance — we pass by fearful that we might offend. How many times has this happened to us? Who knows but the best friend we have at this very moment would give anything in the world if his pride would let him bridge that distance between us. The man with the ability to laugh has little diffidence about these matters. Having con- fidence in himself and being happy and alert he goes to the friend in need with courage and the kind of help that helps. If he doesn't do it directly he finds a way to reach him through mutual friends. He does not go about parading his kindness, either. He has gained a sincere and beautiful pleasure 26 WEDLOCK IN TIME out of aiding an old friend and he can go on his way rejoicing that life is worth living when he has lived up to its higher ideals. Consideration for others does not neces- sarily involve only the big things. It is the sum and total of numberless acts and thoughts that make for friendships and kindliness. People who are thoughtful surely brighten the world. They are ever ready to do some little thing at the correct moment and after a time we begin to realize how much their presence means to us. We may not notice them the first time, or the third, or the fifth, but after a while we be- come conscious of their persistence and we esteem them accordingly. Such men are the products of clean, straightforward lives. They are never too busy to exchange a pleas- ant word. They do not flame into anger on a pretext. Their code of existence is well ordered and filled to the brim with lots to do and lots to think about. The old saying : "If you want anything go to a busy man/' ap- plies to them in this regard. The busier men WEDLOCK IN TIME 27 are the more time they seem to have for kind- liness. Another word for consideration is service. Nothing brings a greater self -reward than a service done in an hour of need, or a favor granted during a day's grind. The generous man who climbs to the top of the ladder helps many others on their way. The more he does for someone else the more he does for him- self. The stronger he becomes — the greater his influence in his community. Doing things for others may not bring in bankable dividends but it does bring in happiness. Such actions scorn a higher reward. We have only to try out the plan to learn the truth for ourselves. A good place to begin is at home. Then, the office, or wherever life leads us. And in doing these things we will laugh as we go along — we will laugh and get the most out of living. Our little day-by-day kindnesses when added together constitute in time a huge as- set on the right side of our ledger of life. We should start the day with something that helps another get through his day . . . even — 28 WEDLOCK IN TIME if it isn't any more than a smile and a wave of the hand. And he will remember us for it. It is said that advice is cheap and for that reason is given freely. But the proper kind of advice is about as rare as the proverbial hen's tooth. In order to give real advice we must understand the man who asks for it. If what we say to him is to become of value we must see to it that his mind is put in proper shape to receive advice. Be sure that he laughs, or smiles at least, before we seriously take up his case. And when w T e have done our stunt in the way of advice let's send him away with a fine good humor. A friendly pat on the back as he goes out our doorway may mean a bracer to his determination. "You'll put it over/' we shout after him — and thus we have been of real help. He needed sympathy and courage. He needed a cheerful spirit — so came to us and we didn't let him go away until we gave him all these. Bully for us ! Consideration for others does not admit of ostentation and hypocrisy. We never allow WEDLOCK IN TIME 29 our left hand to know what our right hand does in charity, nor do we boast of our help- ful attitude toward our fellow men. It is well to make a point of this fact — in this world are many "ne'er-do-ivells" who fail to profit by advice and thereby become pro- fessional in the seeking of favors. Consid- eration owes them nothing and to withstand their persistent appeals would in time dull our natural tendencies toward helping oth- ers. Consideration for others is a prime refine- ment of character. To be able to use it in our daily lives becomes one of our greatest con- solations. Sympathy begets affection and kindly deeds — in a relative sense it binds to- gether the properties which go to make the soul within us. Brow-beating, scolding, iras- cibility and the like are microbes which react against the milk of human kindness, and if we succumb we are left stranded and alone amid a world of friendliness and good fel- lowship. RETURN TO the circulation desk of any University of California Library or to the NORTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY Bldg. 400, Richmond Field Station University of California Richmond, CA 94804-4698 ALL BOOKS MAY BE RECALLED AFTER 7 DAYS • 2-month loans may be renewed by calling (510)642-6753 • 1-year loans may be recharged by bringing books to NRLF • Renewals and recharges may be made 4 days prior to due date. DUE AS STAMPED BELOW — SENT ON ILL JAN 2 2 1999 U. C. 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