S' 
 
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 An 
 
 •Ifd 
 
 
THE GOOSE GIRLS 
 
 OF THE 
 
 San Joac^uiii ^ 
 
 A^DAN D BOOK FOR GIRLS 
 BY UNCLE DAN D 
 
 There is a Poem in this Book 
 
 Aboui a Girl in this Town 
 
 Find out if you know her 
 
 Would you like to have a Poem about Yourself? 
 See Coupon at Back of Book 
 
 Copyright 1921 by D. E. Dermody 
 
Written by 
 
 D. E. DEMODY 
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 A it •::*:.••••:: : :. ' '- Page 
 
 '• • • • The Pull-Moott '• ' - - - - 1 
 
 The Giant Frog 8 
 
 Bobbing a Bobcat _ . . - 4 
 
 The Great Coyote Drive - - - 7 
 
 The Terrible Teddy Bear - - It 
 
 A Trip To Fresno Fair - . . H 
 
 The Goose Girl March . . - 1$ 
 
 Up And Away at Old Del Rey - - le 
 
 The Crochet Queen ... - 18 
 
 What Leila Got For Christmas - - 2» 
 
 The Truth About Measles - - - 22 
 
 A Sorrowfnl Sight in Sanger - - ^ 
 
 Erie Day and the Fairy Fay - - 26 
 
 A Whale of a Story ... 28 
 
 The Trail out of Madera - - - 8^ 
 
 All the News - . . . - 31 
 
 The Secret About Millie - . - 84 
 
 The Magic Bug U 
 
 A Mysterious Disappearance - - 88- 
 
 Curly, the Tale of a Pig - - - 87 
 
 The Death of a Cannibal Giant - - - 38 
 
 The Goose Girls* Auxiliary - - - 89 
 
 Althea Smith of Porterville ... - 4^ 
 
 The First Goose Girl in Traver - - - 41 
 
 The Flu in Exeter .... 42 
 
 The Magical Lullaby - ... 48 
 
 The Flowers of Sunshine-land - - - 45^ 
 
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 THE GOOSE GIRLS OF THE 
 SAN JOAQUIN 
 
 Goose girls are, 'twixt you and me, 
 
 What they shut their eyes and think they be. 
 
 THE FULL MOON 
 
 Goose girls all please give attention 
 To a school whose name I need not mention. 
 It isn't the U. of C. or Stanford- 
 It's a school just out of the town of HANFORD. 
 And what I wish to speak about 
 Is G6orgie Beale, the fat young lout. 
 
 Georgie I hope gets no pudding or pie. 
 
 If you know that boy you won't ask why. 
 
 Georgie Beale is fat and sly. 
 
 He boos at girls and makes 'em cry. 
 
 He booed at lone, he booed at Martha, 
 
 He booed Mattie Ellis and called her smarty. 
 
 This is the way that Georgie boos. 
 He catches a girl without excuse, 
 Pinches her arm and calls her goose 
 And bats his eyes as he turns her loose. 
 He bats his eyes while this he cries — 
 "Mattie, bum-battie, to the air go fattie, 
 E-leg, i-leg, bow-legged Mattie." 
 
 Mattie bum-battie likes candy and toys. 
 Mattie has troubles and Mattie has joys. 
 Mattie Ellis can make an awful noise. 
 Mattie don't like such piggie boys. 
 
 When Georgie booed her it made her shriek. 
 
 She boxed his ears and slapped his cheek. 
 
 Georgie got mad when he got that box. 
 
 Georgie ain't used to such hard knocks. 
 
 Georgie is stout as a stub-nosed ox. 
 
 Georgie has fists as hard as rocks. 
 
 He chased poor Mattie and tore her clothes, 
 And then he hit her bing on the nose. 
 
 He hit her so hard, with an upward blow. 
 
 That up in the air she started to go 
 
 And kept on going. O my oh! 
 
 No girl ever went so high, I know. 
 
 Georgie got scared and homeward sped 
 And hid himself beneath the bed. 
 
 1 
 
 44S628 
 
■:>;•:.: •H.u.-' 
 
 All the goose girls playing there 
 Heard Mattie shrieking up in the air, 
 And all came running. Ah, what a scare! 
 Holding their breath, they stood to stare 
 While Mattie over the trees sailed high, 
 Above the schoolhouse into the sky. 
 
 They held their breath so long, that soon 
 
 They began to swell like a toy balloon. 
 
 They began to float at half past noon, 
 
 Following Mattie up toward the moon. 
 
 The teacher came out and rang the bell, 
 But the girls were too high to hear it well. 
 
 When they overtook Mattie up in the air 
 
 They found her dancing and singing there. 
 
 And then they all forgot their scare 
 
 And started in the dance to share. 
 
 They danced along and couldn't stop 
 
 Till they reached the moon and climbed on tc^. 
 
 While they danced, there came into sight 
 A little cloud all fleecy and white. 
 And away on that cloud with huge delight 
 They sailed and danced until late at night. 
 
 And that's why the girls of HANFORD school 
 Were absent one day against the rule. 
 
 The teacher stood them all in a row 
 Next morning, and sternly wished to know 
 Why they had gone and where did they go. 
 But when they told her, she hollered "O! 
 
 For telling fibs you shall play Jack Homar 
 And all this day stand up in the corner." 
 
 When Georgie got back they hardly knew hlm« 
 Such a terrible fright was going through him. 
 The girls at first intended to sue him. 
 But they knew it would hurt him worse to bo« kla. 
 So now whenever they pass him by 
 They point a finger at him and cry: 
 "Georgie bum-borgy. 
 To the air go forgy, 
 B-Iegged, 1-legged, bow-legged G«orgit." 
 
THE GIANT FROG 
 
 Prom LINDSAY town to ORANGE COVE 
 Is many and many an orange grove. 
 
 But one there is, a wondrous one. 
 Because round oranges grow there. 
 
 'Tis strange indeed, it takes the bun — 
 All other oranges are square. 
 
 Edna Marie Elizabeth Borchardt 
 
 "Was walking one day in this wonderful orchard. 
 
 She had to watch out for the orange man. 
 Who is ugly and cross and very unkind. 
 
 He bosses goose girls all he can, 
 And carries a stick to make them mind. 
 
 The night before, when Miss B. was in town 
 She met the orange man coming down 
 
 The street that all the nice shops are in. 
 He's such an ill-mannered man, and sly. 
 
 Of course she didn't wish to be seen 
 Speaking to such a gawky guy. 
 
 So she took no notice, but passed him by 
 In a ladylike way, with her head held high. 
 
 And did not answer his "Howd'y'-do." 
 And when she looked back to see how he took it 
 
 (Which a goose girl really should not do). 
 He was pointing a finger at her to crook it. 
 
 And now as she walked about in the orchard 
 To look for ripe oranges, Miss Borchardt 
 
 Was watching out lest the orange man spy 
 Her strolling there — afraid, you know, 
 
 He'd remember the way she passed him by. 
 And chase her out for treating him so. 
 
 As thus on her way Miss Edna went, 
 To find ripe oranges her intent. 
 
 She heard at a distance — what do you guess? 
 The voice of a man who was calling for help. 
 
 He was calling loudly, in great distress, 
 Louder than any dog can yelp. 
 
 The orchard is In a bog which is dry, 
 And Edna ran through it very spry 
 
 Till she came to where the man was cryin*. 
 She saw a big animal there on a log. 
 
 At first she thought 'twas a bear or lion, 
 B»t soon she saw 'twas a giant frog. 
 
 3 
 
'Twas a frog as big as a barrel of kraut, 
 With eyes like pie-plates sticking out, 
 
 And the legs of a man sticking out of its mouth. 
 He was kicking his heels for all he was worth. 
 
 His heels were kicking towards the South, 
 His head was out of sight in the North. 
 
 Miss Edna knew (and at first she was glad) 
 *Twas the orange man in this fix so bad. 
 
 And then she got sorry like a good girl should. 
 So she picked up a stone about ten feet wide 
 
 And hit the frog as hard as she could 
 Between the eyes — and the frog it died. 
 
 The man crawled out and opened his eyes, 
 But he said that he felt too weak to rise. 
 
 So Miss Borchardt spoke a magic word 
 Which goose girls know, and with a hum 
 
 Matilda Bauer flew like a bird 
 From far away, to help her chum. 
 
 Though the man was very much bigger and older 
 The goose girls carried him on a shoulder. 
 
 They laid him down on his bungalow floor 
 And fed him soap to ease his pain, 
 
 He ate a pound and would eat no more, 
 Because he said he was well again. 
 
 For being so mean he was now full of sorrow. 
 He promised the goose girls that tomorrow 
 
 If he felt well enough, he'd go to town 
 And buy them a cake and some nice corn meal. 
 
 An orangeade pump for their very own, 
 A ribbon bow and an automobile. 
 
 BOBBING A BOBCAT 
 
 DELANO lies beyond TULARE 
 Amid the fields and vineyards fair, 
 With many goose girls living there. 
 
 Of one of these I wish to tell. 
 Her name is May and also Belle — 
 Maybelle Foley — I know her well. 
 
 Miss Foley has black hair and eyes. 
 I think that she is very nice. 
 About her I won't tell no lies. 
 
1 wish to tell you in thig rhym^ 
 About what happened her one time. 
 You won't believe it I bet a dime. 
 
 She started out to catch a rabbit. 
 
 She saw one soon and tried to grab it. 
 
 She tried her best but couldn't nab it. 
 
 The rabbit nearly had a fit 
 
 And up a mountain side did flit — 
 
 Goose Mountain is the name of it. 
 
 It was so named, so folks declare, 
 By goose girls who first settled there 
 Before Columbus found Tulare. 
 
 Up Goose Mountain's grassy side ' 
 The rabbit ran with rapid stride, 
 Hoping to save his fuzzy hide. 
 
 At times Miss Maybelle is quite jolly. 
 But never swears or acts with folly. 
 But now she cried, "Stop there, by golly!" 
 
 She chased the rabbit with great speed. 
 Of other things she took no heed. 
 She did not stop for drink or feed. 
 
 She ran all day and ran all night. 
 The rabbit it ran out of sight. 
 And Maybelle got an awful fright. 
 
 A bobcat big her way did block. 
 It came from out behind a rock 
 And gave that girl an awful shock. 
 
 When came the bobcat into view 
 Maybelle didn't know what to do. 
 She trembled in her right hand shoe. 
 
 And then she trembled in her left. 
 
 Of every sense she was bereft. 
 
 But goose girls all are quick and deft. 
 
 All of them wonderful jumpers are. 
 Miss Maybelle jumped so high and far 
 She barely missed the morning star. 
 
 The man who in the moon does dwell 
 
 Threw out a rope and gave a yell, 
 
 But Maybelle missed it and down she fell. 
 
Ski quickly from the sky she flashed. 
 If on the ground that girl had crashed 
 I fe»r she would have been all mashed. 
 
 With nothing there her fall to break 
 It surely seemed as if 'twould make 
 Poor Maybeile look like pounded steak. 
 
 If on that hillside she had struck 
 
 She would have been a dead gone duck. 
 
 Bmt happily she had good luck. 
 
 fSfie didn't strike the ground. Instead 
 
 She lit upon that bobcat's head. 
 
 It gave one howl and then went dead. 
 
 'Twas driven right into the ground. 
 About six feet or more, we found. 
 And Maybeile rose up with a bound. 
 
 It didn't do her any harm 
 Except to bruise her on the arm. 
 But now she shouted in alarm. 
 
 Some people heard Miss Maybeile shout 
 And all of them came running out — 
 Rve-hundred folks, or thereabout. 
 
 Thoy quickly carried Maybeile down. 
 
 They took her to DELANO town, 
 
 Tbey crowned her with a gold-leaf crown. 
 
 Tliey said, "Brave girl, you beat the band. 
 "What you have done is simply grand. 
 We all would like to shake your hand." 
 
 lawy passed her by, a mighty throng. 
 
 A thousand people marched along 
 
 And shook her hand both good and strong. 
 
 They shook her hand with might and main, 
 They shook it till it ached with pain. 
 And then they shook it well again. 
 
 Mftis Maybell-e then to home returned. 
 She thought that she a rest had earned 
 And wished to be where home fires burned. 
 
 Miss Maybeile she is living still 
 
 Near DELANO, by the Goose Girl's hill. 
 
 The neighbors hope she always will. 
 
 6 
 
THE GREAT COYOTE DRIVE 
 
 How many folks I've often wondered 
 Know how coyotes by the hundred 
 Near a certain town once had their lair 
 Among the rocks and bushes there? 
 
 I much dislike that town to name 
 Because 'twas once considered shame 
 For those coyotes to be seen 
 Around the towns of San Joaquin. 
 
 But since the goose girls cleared the region 
 
 Of those coyotes by the legion, 
 
 And raised prize pigs to take their place, 
 
 *Tis not considered such disgrace. 
 
 So please don't waggle your finger in shame 
 
 When the city of MERCED I name. 
 
 Those fierce coyotes are ugly as sin. 
 
 At night they make a horrible din. 
 
 They yowl and howl and raise the dickens, 
 
 Robbing the ranches of babies and chicken*. 
 
 For the babies of course the folks care nix, 
 
 But it's awful to lose those little chicks. 
 
 I will the story now relate. 
 
 How those coyotes met their fate. 
 
 And show what boys and girls can do 
 
 Whose hearts are brave and kind and true. 
 
 How from a hundred schools, the pupils 
 Went to MERCED one day, in couples, 
 And those coyotes killed or drove 
 Into the great Sequoia grove. 
 Not one is left, with howls and whoops. 
 To raid the MERCED chicken coops. 
 
 Our schools are each a model school, 
 Our kids obey the golden rule, 
 Which says to others you must do 
 As you'd have others do to you. 
 
 Just like a sister or a brother. 
 Be kind and loving to each other. 
 And in our Sunshine-land, I swear, 
 The kids obey this rule with care. 
 The boys and girls do what is right 
 And love each other with all their might. 
 
Boys and girls, they stop at no labors 
 To help each other and help out the neighbors. 
 And that's why they went that day in pairs 
 To chase those coyotes out of their lairs. 
 
 Too long those coyotes had taken their pickln's 
 
 From the ranch-house babies and barnyard chickens. 
 
 And the boys and girls of every school 
 
 Have hearts that are warm and heads that are cool. 
 
 To kill the coyotes they all were willing, 
 
 And the babies too, if they needed killing. 
 
 So they counted noses one bright day 
 And toward MERCED took up their way. 
 I can only mention just a few 
 Who joined that day the hunting crew. 
 And this is the order, two by two, 
 That they marched away and out of view. 
 
 Armand and Gladys, lively and gay, 
 
 "Shouldered rifles and led the way. 
 
 IJlose behind them Lulu and Arthur 
 
 yent all the way and then went farther. 
 
 iimmie and Lotta, brave and strong, 
 
 Sach carried a club eleven feet long. 
 
 A.nd close behind them Mary and Andy 
 Instead of clubs carried sticks of candy. 
 
 Those I have mentioned think walking sport, 
 And took the route that is rough and short, 
 Through vineyard, orchard, field and forest — 
 I never heard whose feet got sorest. 
 Most of the others were driving or riding, 
 A few on roller skates were sliding. 
 But riding or sliding, however they came. 
 The band all got there just the same. 
 
 They marched by highway, ditch and vineyard, 
 
 Sometimes out and sometimes inward. 
 
 Till they came to where the way was rough 
 
 And they had to get down and go it a-hoof. 
 
 Poor liUle Henry gave out, they say, 
 
 And Emma carried him most of the way. 
 
 To name them all I cannot bother — 
 
 lone and William and many another. 
 
 Frederick fair and Raymond swarthy, 
 
 Merry Muriel and solemn young Dor'thy. 
 
 At the foot of the line, last girl and boy. 
 
 Back by themselves came Tessie and Roy. 
 
 At the head of the line, bravely leading them on, 
 
 Was a goose girl fair who went all alone. 
 
 8 
 
*Twas Paula Pearl Pinch, the only giTl there 
 Who had no boy with whom to pair. 
 Or if she had, she didn't choose him. 
 Or else had managed somehow to lose him. 
 I're heard odd tales about Paula PearL 
 If half of them's true I pity that girl. 
 
 However, let each one do his own duty. 
 
 And let Paula Pearl chew her own tutti-frutti. 
 
 I only know that alone that day 
 
 She led the brave hunters upon their way. 
 
 As quickly as the hunt begun 
 They had the coyotes on the run. 
 Behind the rocks, from all the holes, 
 They poked coyotes with their poles. 
 
 By dozens first and then by hundreds 
 Coyotes toward the mountains thundered. 
 By thousands then, by millions soon, 
 Did those coyotes yelp and run. 
 
 With guns and clubs, those kids for miles 
 Had dead coyotes heaped in piles. 
 Mary killed nine with her stick of candy, 
 Paula killed scores with whatever came Imnd). 
 
 They killed nine thousand and fifty-three, 
 The rest were crippled or got away free. 
 But not until the whole great drove 
 Was plunging through the Giant grove. 
 
 The last that was seen of that terrible throjig 
 It was going still and going strong. 
 They swam a river and jumped a fence 
 And have never been seen or heard from since. 
 
 When home the hunters came a-flitting 
 
 All the goose girls started knitting. 
 
 They knitted caps of purple wool, 
 
 The kind boys wear in winter to school. 
 
 Paula Pearl, she knitted too, 
 
 A pair of mits for I don't know who. 
 
 I asked Miss Paula Pearl if she 
 
 Would make a list of names for me 
 
 Of boys and girls who are still alive 
 
 Who were in that great coyote drive. 
 
 But Paula said, "I cannot, can I, Ma? 
 
 That list of names would reach to Panama. 
 
 Besides, I couldn't remember, even. 
 
 You know. Uncle Dan D., I'm only eleven. 
 
 And I's only a kid in my cradle bed 
 
 When they drove the coyotes out of MEROHD." 
 
THE TERRIBLE TEDDY BEAR 
 
 DINUBA is such a great city 
 
 With people it ought to be filled. 
 So few live there that it seems a pity — 
 
 But those few are strong and skilled. 
 I know a person in that town 
 
 Who is skilled in magic power, 
 A goose girl she of great renown 
 
 Whose name is Eva Bauer. 
 
 Before the war, when she was young, 
 A Teddy bear did to her belong, 
 
 The queerest of all her pets. 
 It had no brains, but was very strong. 
 It was six feet high and one foot long. 
 
 It looked like a ladder without any steps. 
 
 One day little Eva was having 
 
 A dolly's make-believe party, 
 When the bear began misbehaving 
 
 And acting like a smarty. 
 Wishing to make him behave, 
 A smart little slap Eva gave 
 
 That naughty and mischievous bear. 
 With an angry snap and snarl 
 Teddy jumped upon a barrel 
 
 And caught her by the hair. 
 
 Her fright became so great 
 She ran out through the gate. 
 Speeding onward by her lonely 
 
 There was none to help or stop her. 
 Behind her terrible Teddy only 
 
 Leaped along like a great grasshopper. 
 
 People rushed out from everywhere 
 To watch Miss Eva and the bear 
 
 As they followed the railroad past MONSON. 
 Folks there thought Eva was getting along 
 Remarkably well for a girl so young. 
 
 The grocer said, "Ain't she a bouncin'?" 
 
 Miss Eva flew from town to town 
 
 In great distress, with no one helping. 
 
 Over hills and hollows, up and down, 
 
 With terrible Teddy behind her yelping. 
 
 Over the mountains she fluttered too, 
 
 And came at last to the ocean blue. 
 
 Now when she reached the edge of the water 
 
 She thought of course the bear had got her, 
 
 But she stepped aside with a lively motion 
 
 And Teddy leaped past her into the ocean. 
 
 10 
 
There he plunged about in rage and wonder 
 Till the mighty waves had soused him under. 
 Folks waited and watched with bags in hand 
 Till the tide had washed him back on the sand. 
 
 Into a bag then soon was slipping 
 The terrible Teddy, drowned and dripping. 
 They buried him in some shady ground 
 And planted pink lilies on the mound. 
 
 To mark the spot a stone was placed. 
 
 To prove my tale you may go tomorrow 
 And read these words which Eva traced 
 
 Upon the stone to show her sorrow: 
 
 "Here lies a Teddy bear gone to his rest. 
 He couldn't catch Eva though he did his best. 
 
 Once he was one of her precious pets. 
 But he got so he wouldn't obey at all. 
 He was one foot long and six feet tall, 
 
 And looked like a ladder without any Steps.'* 
 
 A TRIP TO FRESNO FAIR 
 
 Nineteen-nineteen, the first of October, 
 I was feeling well and perfectly Bober, 
 So I washed my face and combed my hair 
 And went for a trip to FRESNO Fair. 
 We had good luck and the fun was hearty. 
 I'll always be glad I went with that party. 
 
 We rode in a flivver that couldn't be beat, 
 And in it were passengers pretty and sweet. 
 What else but sweet could they have been, 
 Two goose girls of the San Joaquin? 
 One four and dumpy, one twelve and tall — 
 A good-sized goose and a goosey small. 
 
 To name who I mean, there was little Freda, 
 Who didn't look like a kid that was needy. 
 There was no nicer baby than her 
 In her brand new coat of fuzz and fur. 
 Black and white shoes and cunning bonnet 
 With big side-bows of ribbon on it. 
 
 I'll mention next Miss Mildred Batten. 
 She had her coat and she had her hat on. 
 Her shoes were white, in white she was dressed, 
 With stockings and gloves as white as the rest. 
 
 11 
 
Her bair was bobbed in the latest style. 
 Her eyes were so bright they shone a milt. 
 She wae queen of the car that was fitandine ther* 
 To take us all to Fresno Fair. 
 
 AftiMT a sentence comes a comma. 
 
 And after Mildred came her mama. 
 
 She was all dolled up and looking pleasant 
 
 And just as pretty as anyone present. 
 
 Say what you please and believe me or not, 
 
 But a handsome mama is worth a whole lot, 
 
 And Mildred and Freda, I'll say out loud. 
 
 Have a mama of whom they may well be proud. 
 
 Iiaat there were Uncle Dan and Frank, 
 To drive the car or spin the crank. 
 But the less that's said about them, I guess, 
 The better, for men, I must confess — 
 Papas and make-believe uncles and such, 
 In a party like this don't amount to much. 
 
 At eight o'clock, with the morning cool, 
 We were speeding past Mount Olive school. 
 When the neighbors heard our auto coming 
 They said to each other, "Look who's coming!" 
 Many stopped work and came running fast 
 To stand by the road and watch us go past. 
 
 At SELMA, watching us from their pen, 
 
 Were an ostrich rooster and a hen. 
 
 The hen she cackled, "Ain't that a sight?" 
 
 And the rooster crowded from his ten-foot height: 
 
 "Oogly, googly — I should smile. 
 
 If that girl will stay in SELMA a while, 
 
 1*11 give her for Christmas, without fail. 
 
 The finest feather in my tail." 
 
 None but a goose girl bom and bred 
 Would know the words an ostrich said. 
 But Mildred knew what he said to her, 
 And called politely, "Thank you, sir." 
 
 All the way, as our jitney flew, 
 Folks along the roadside drew. 
 The people hailed us with a shriek 
 Aa we went through FOWLER like a streak. 
 ftl MALAGA, though the town is small, 
 There was quite a bunch by the factory wall. 
 And when we reached Fresno — O my land! 
 The way folks greeted us beat the band, 
 Aa out to the fair grounds on we sped. 
 With miles of cars behind and ahead. 
 
 12 
 
First of all we started in 
 
 Spinning wheels a Cupie to win. 
 
 But wheels won't stop where you want them to, 
 
 And we lost in spite of all we could do. 
 
 Frank couldn't win, and Uncle Dan 
 
 Did worse in the end than when he began. 
 
 Mildred too took a hand in the scramble, 
 
 But goose girl magic is no good to gamble. 
 
 So we don't advise our friends to try it — 
 
 If you want a Cupie you better just buy it. 
 
 We wandered awhile about the ground. 
 We took a ride in a merry-go-round. 
 We saw some shows and funny places, 
 Ponies performing and monkey races. 
 
 We saw the livestock in their pens, 
 
 Cows and horses and pigs and hens. 
 
 We saw such fruit as can only be seen 
 
 In the valley of the San Joaquin, 
 
 Where the sunshine rich such magic carries 
 
 It grows big goose girls out of wee fairies, 
 
 Peach and apricot, plum and raisin — 
 
 The fruits we saw were simply amazln'. 
 
 We went so high in a Ferris wheel 
 
 It scared little Freda and made her squeal. 
 
 We went to a restaurant to eat. 
 
 They said they had steak that couldn't be beat. 
 
 It couldn't be beaten tender, we found. 
 
 With a hammer that weighed a hundred pound. 
 
 One o'clock in the grandstand found us 
 
 With other folks in the seats around us. 
 
 I'll say in fact there were more than a few. 
 
 There must have been a million or two. 
 
 But though we were crowded in so tight. 
 
 The folks were all quiet and polite. 
 
 And mama and Mildred and Freda, I swear. 
 
 Were the nicest behaved of any there. 
 
 But Frank and Uncle Dan, I'll say, 
 
 Behaved in a rather skoochy way. 
 
 Some colored folks came up on the benches 
 
 And Frank made eyes at the lady wenches. 
 
 While Uncle Dan on the other side 
 
 To make friends with a nice old lady tried. 
 
 The nice old lady didn't mind. 
 
 And talked with him in a manner kind. 
 
 To try and tell I wouldn't dare 
 Of all the things we saw at the fair — 
 Push-ball, races, flying machine, 
 Sakes only knows what all we seen. 
 
 18 
 
3ut one thing special I'll never forget, 
 it makes me shiver to think of it yet. 
 Two locomotives, with terrible rattle — 
 Think of it — fighting an iron battle, 
 Mixed up in a fiery hurly-burly 
 All on account of an innocent girlie 
 Whom each of them wanted to carry away. 
 Neither one got her, I'm glad to say. 
 
 Those two locomotives were out on the ground 
 In the center field that the track runs round. 
 The names of the engines standing there 
 Were "Raisin Special" and "Fresno Fair." 
 They were always backing or going ahead. 
 And the goose girls listened to what they said. 
 Perhaps you think I'm only bluffing 
 And will claim those engines were only puffing. 
 If that's what you think, you're off your head, 
 For Mildred told me just what they said. 
 
 Said Raisin Special to Fresno Fair, 
 
 "Do you see my girl in the grandstand there, 
 
 That pretty girl in the dark gray tam?" 
 
 Said Fresno Fair, "Shut up, you clam! 
 
 That girl is mine, and so is the kid 
 
 In the fuzzy coat and the lacy lid, 
 
 That baby whose cap has side bows on it." 
 
 Said Raisin Special, "You lie, dog on it! 
 
 If you make a move those kids to grab, 
 
 I'll knock your smokestack through your cab." 
 
 It made Uncle Dan D. mad to listen, 
 Because he thinks those kids are his'n. 
 But papa and mama laughed at the fuss ' 
 And said, "Those kiddies belong to us." 
 
 But those locomotives kept up the quarrel, 
 Daring each other with hiss and snarl. 
 They backed away and they came up close 
 And tickled each other on the nose. 
 At last one gave the other a clout 
 And they settled down to fight it out. 
 They came together with a fearful crash 
 And ground each other into hash. 
 
 it was lucky that neither should survive. 
 
 For if either engine was left alive 
 
 No doubt it would, in its pain and fury, 
 
 Have grabbed those girls and skipped for Missonri, 
 
 And mama and papa and Mr. Fritz 
 
 And Uncle Dan would have all had fits. 
 
 But we all came happily home from the fair 
 
 And left those engines lying there. 
 
 14 
 
THE GOOSE GIRL MARCH 
 
 A mile and a half from the town of TULARE 
 I went to a party, dressed with care, 
 And met a lot of goose girls there. 
 
 All went well until Cicely Shedd, 
 
 With a ilag in her hand, stood up on a bed 
 
 Where all could see her, and loudly said: 
 
 "You folks around the pi-a-no, 
 Somewhere else you'll have to go. 
 Step along and don't be slow. 
 
 "Zona the goose girl is going to play, 
 Open your ears when you hear her say, 
 Shoo-fly, get out of the way." 
 
 Perched upon the music seat. 
 
 Zona sat up straight and neat. 
 
 Put out her hands, put out her feet. 
 
 She wiggled her toes with perfect ease. 
 
 Ran her fingers over the keys 
 
 And made them hum like a swarm of bees. 
 
 They hummed so gay and then so tragic. 
 They hummed so wigglety-wagglety-wagic. 
 For Zona plays with goose girl magic. 
 
 The night I heard Miss Zona play 
 I grew so sad I tried to go way. 
 And then so glad I had to stay. 
 
 The first piece was so mournful 
 
 It made me want to beat it, 
 Called "Candy might as well be cabbage 
 
 'Less there's goose girls round to eat it." 
 
 The second piece Miss Zona played 
 
 Was full of noble feeling, 
 Called "You never miss the peaches 
 
 Till there's nothing left but peeling." 
 
 The third piece that she played 
 
 Made me jump with joy to hear it, 
 
 It was called "The Goose Girl March," 
 And was full of fun and spirit. 
 
 "Soda pop a-popping, pop-corn a-parching," 
 
 That was the march that I heard Zona play. 
 
 "Hats off, heads up, the goose girls are marching- 
 January, February, March, march away." 
 
 15 
 
The iolks who heard those marching airs 
 Got up from sofas and from chairs 
 And started marching round in pairs. 
 
 Both Zona and her piano, 
 
 And the seat she sat on, started slow 
 
 And began a-marching to and fro. 
 
 The seat she sat on went a-jumping, 
 
 The big piano went a-bumping. 
 
 And Zona went with fingers thumping. 
 
 Thumping, bumping, you could hear 
 That goose girl going there and here, 
 Through kitchen, bedrooms, front room, rear. 
 
 With goose girl magic she started to soar, 
 Up to the ceiling and down to the floor. 
 Out at the window and in at the door. 
 
 Every one ran from the goose girl elf. 
 
 Some began with fright to yelp. 
 
 And some marched out to look for help. 
 
 XTp the road they marched, and down. 
 Some marched home and some to town. 
 And some just marched around and round. 
 
 The piano went boomity-boom 
 
 Till no one else was left in the room 
 
 But Zona and her best girl chum. 
 
 Those goose girls marched into TULARE, 
 
 That's where they always go. 
 They marched into a candy shop 
 
 And then to a movie show. 
 
 UP AND AWAY AT OLD DEL REY 
 
 OROSI has a school renowned, 
 
 Likewise has LEMON COVE, 
 And CALWA too. But I have found 
 
 One school all schools above. 
 
 Upon the way to fair DEL REY 
 
 That schoolhouse is a feature. 
 There kids are taught to fly, and have 
 
 A special flying teacher. 
 
 16 
 
That school it is a noble school, 
 The best in Sunshine-land. 
 
 Its noble teachers wisely rule, 
 Its kids are a noble band. 
 
 I mean they would be noble if 
 
 They weren't so pert and naughty. 
 
 They would be wise and studious if 
 They weren't so dumb and dotty. 
 
 The practice squad went up one day 
 With all the children in it. 
 
 Who they were and vviiither bound 
 I'll tell you in a minute. 
 
 First came Miss Edgar 
 Who rode in the head car 
 
 As a special feature, 
 With Leon and Martha 
 Both acting the smarty 
 
 To show off to teacher. 
 
 Then came Mary and Walter 
 Who carried a halter 
 
 To hitch on behind. 
 Then Eva and Roland 
 On their way to Poland 
 
 A flag pole to find. 
 And Edwin and Velma 
 On their way to SELMA, 
 
 Both out of their mind. 
 
 There were Satnig and Avlyn 
 Some yarn a rav-lin' 
 
 To knit them a sweater; 
 And Mildred and Mike 
 On a broken down bike, 
 
 'Cause they had none better. 
 
 There were Rosa and Wilma 
 Who said "You may kill me 
 
 But I'll never come back. 
 And Lemuel, with Lucy 
 Like a poor little goosey 
 
 Saying "Quack — quack — quack ! " 
 
 So away flew the kids of the flying squad, 
 Up, up in the biggest of aeroplanes — 
 
 Up where it's never too hot or too cool. 
 
 Where it's always cloudy but never rains. 
 
 17 
 
And I hope they never come back again 
 
 For nobody cares about them. 
 They were naughty kids, as I've told you plain. 
 
 And their parents can do without them. 
 
 But the thing that hurt poor Uncle Dan 
 And is still his old heart breaking. 
 
 There were goose girls two in that naughty crew, 
 Their native land forsaking. 
 
 I could forgive a Bolshevik 
 
 Who stole a baby's candy, 
 But a goose girl leaving San Joaquin 
 
 Can't be forgiven by Dan D. 
 
 What do you know and what do you think, 
 
 And what have you got to say 
 Of a goose girl who would up and leave 
 
 The green fields round DEL REY? 
 
 THE CROCHET QUEEN 
 
 Mildred Merl Batten 
 
 Don't dress in satin. 
 But there's no prettier girl in REEDLEY. 
 
 Her dark eyes are dreamy. 
 
 Her soft cheeks are creamy, 
 She's a lovely girl indeed-ly. 
 
 Now pretty was 
 
 As pretty does 
 When Uncle Dan went to school. 
 
 And prove I will 
 
 That a goose girl still 
 Can keep that good old rule. 
 
 For Mildred Merl 
 
 Is a wonderful girl 
 Who does things in a wonderful way. 
 
 But the wonderful thing 
 
 Of which I sing 
 Is the way that she can crochet. 
 
 When Mildred gets busy 
 
 She's like a tin Lizzie, 
 Her work is so speedy and tony. 
 
 She eats up thread 
 
 Like mama eats bread 
 Or papa eats macaroni. 
 
 18 
 
As she sv/ii'tly crochets 
 
 Her rocking chair sv/ays 
 And sometimes spins like a top. 
 
 She can make a sweater 
 
 Far nicer and betler 
 Than you'd buy in a REEDLEY shop. 
 
 She crochets lace 
 
 At a terrible pace. 
 When she makes up her mind to begin it, 
 
 I'll venture to say 
 
 That she will crochet 
 A mile of lace in a minute. 
 
 Goodness knows 
 
 What scarfs and throws 
 She crochets by the armful. 
 
 The house is crammed, 
 
 The porches jammed, 
 And soon she'll have the barnful. 
 
 I told her once 
 
 She was a dunce 
 To work so hard and steady. 
 
 She said, "My land! 
 
 I think it's grand — 
 I'll stop when I am ready." 
 
 Now Mildred Merl 
 
 Is a real nice girl, 
 But I fear that her mind is unjointed. 
 
 Unless I'm mistaking 
 
 Her young heart is breaking 
 'Cause in love she has been disappointed. 
 
 Her very best fellow 
 
 Turned out to be yellow. 
 Cops caught him and put him in prison. 
 
 Now when she's crocheting 
 
 She's always saying, 
 'Tm no longer a girl of Uis'n." 
 
 They say work will often 
 
 A heart-ache soften. 
 Which is why Mildred Merl is so willin*. 
 
 By crocheting, I bet 
 
 She hopes to forget 
 That her beau is a hard-boiled villain. 
 
 This may not be so. 
 
 But one thing I know, 
 Mildred's equal has never been seen. 
 
 And I leave it to you. 
 
 Give that girl her due. 
 And let's call her the Crochet Queen. 
 
 19 
 
WHAT LEILA GOT FOR CHRISTMAS 
 
 The moon was full (my speech excuse — 
 'Twas full of beauty, not of booze), 
 Full and fair it floated o'er 
 The pleasant city of LEMOORE. 
 
 *Twas nine o'clock, an hour, it seems. 
 When goose girls should be lost in dreams. 
 But Leila Farley was not in bed. 
 She was planning Christmas things instead. 
 
 The folks at Farley's ranch that night 
 Were sitting round the kitchen light. 
 They were seated round the stove at rest, 
 Each one doing what pleased him best. 
 
 Mama and baby were spinning a top. 
 Papa was worrying about the crop. 
 Dirk was eating bread and jell, 
 And John was reading the Sentinel. 
 
 Leila was sitting quiet and pleasant 
 Thinking about a Christmas present. 
 She was wondering what she wanted most, 
 Who would get it and what it would cost. 
 
 She thought she would like a diamond ring, 
 Or one of those little tin birds that sing, 
 Or a bar of soap or a bag of candy, 
 Or a limousine car might come in handy. 
 
 As Leila mused there came into view 
 A little fairy, dressed all in blue. 
 Her eyes were dark and dark her hair, 
 And wee white slippers she did wear. 
 
 Right on the stove stood the fairy elf. 
 "Look out," cried Leila, "you'll burn yourself.' 
 But the fairy laughed and cried with glee, 
 "Fire can't burn good folks like me." 
 
 "I have been told," said the fairy elf, 
 "That you are quite a good girl yourself. 
 And I have come this evening pleasant 
 To show you what will be your present. 
 
 "I know it will give you a great surprise 
 To see it appear before your eyes. 
 But that is what I will make it do. 
 Look close and it will come into view." 
 
"LmilA i&oked where i&e fairy palBted, 
 
 At tlie celling where the store-pipe ;joinleii. 
 
 And sure enough she saw op there 
 
 Stome lovely presents floating in air. 
 
 Tbere were a frock and a smock, 
 A watch and a clock, 
 A raincoat and umbrella, 
 A handsome boy fellow, 
 A pink silk jacket, 
 A tennis racket. 
 
 There were a ball and a shawl, 
 
 A bicycle and tricycle, 
 A hair net and ribbon, 
 A doll with a bib on. 
 
 There were needles and thread 
 
 And pins for the hair. 
 Cake, pie and bread 
 
 And a rocking chair. 
 
 There were brushes and combs. 
 
 Gloves and a fan, 
 And some typewriten poems 
 From Uncle Dan. 
 
 There were dozens of other beautiful things, 
 Automobiles and diamond rings, 
 Chocolate drops and nigger toes. 
 And tiokets to all the movie shows. 
 
 Leila's eyes began to shine. 
 
 She cried to the fairy, "Which is mine?" 
 
 "That I won't tell," said the little elf. 
 
 "I leave it to you to find out for yourself." 
 
 "I hope you like it, whatever it is. 
 I wished for myself a little tin Liz 
 Not much more big than a pepper-shaker, 
 But you better wish for a Studdybaker. 
 
 ^'Good-night, Miss Leila. I must now disappear. 
 What your present will be I hope you hear. 
 If you have an uncle who likes you well, 
 Perhaps he might be able to tell." 
 
 The day behind Christmas I passed thru LEMOORE. 
 
 I called upon Leila and knew the first look 
 What present she got by what she wore — 
 
 A bracelet watch on the hand that I shook. 
 
 No fairy of course had Leila seen. 
 
 She only dreamed it, because you know 
 There are no fairies in San Joaquin — 
 
 They all turned to goose girls long ago. 
 
 21 
 
THE TRUTH ABOUT MEASLES 
 
 War is exciting, I won't deny it. 
 
 Earthquakes give you a scare. 
 An oil well afire is a pretty riot, 
 
 And BAKERSFIELD had her share. 
 
 But war and quakes and floor and fire, 
 Though these may terror yield, 
 
 Never have caused a time so dire 
 
 As when the measles hit BAKERSFIELD. 
 
 Goose girls vfere caught like flies. 
 
 Nearly every one was a victim. 
 They fought the measles bravely, 
 
 But mostly the measles licked 'em. 
 
 Folks talk about catching the measles. 
 But ask the goose girls about it. 
 
 They'll tell you those folks are liars. 
 And right out loud they'll shout it. 
 
 They'll tell you plainly and quickly, 
 
 In tones as high as a steeple, 
 That people don't catch the measles, 
 
 It's the measles catches people. 
 
 They know 'cause the measles caught them, 
 Chased them all round and caught them, 
 
 Chased them from school, and at home 
 
 Found out where they hid and got them. 
 
 The measles are little red nippers 
 
 That tickle you, freeze you and warm you. 
 If you want to know all about them 
 
 The goose girls will gladly inform you. 
 
 The nippers chased Dora Allison 
 Till they almost drove her crazy. 
 
 Getting chased around like that 
 Is hard on a girl that's lazy. 
 
 For a week or more Dora had heard 
 The nippers around her buzzing. 
 
 Their noise is an out-loud whisper. 
 Like fairies fighting and fussing. 
 
 When chased by a black bear once 
 
 Dora flew over a river. 
 But the bear couldn't fly, and he 
 
 Went down like a skidding flivver. 
 
 22 
 
But you can't fool a measle like that, 
 
 'Cause a measle can swim in the water. 
 
 So Dora ran home and hid herself 
 
 In the cooler — but there they got her. 
 
 Dora's chum, Irma Neff, residing in KERN, 
 Was bragging they hadn't got her. 
 
 When her mama asked, "Do you hear them?** 
 She answered, "Huh, not a stir." 
 
 Said she, "They better not touch me. 
 
 I'll kill them just like a weasel. 
 A girl that has killed a grizzly 
 
 Ain't afraid of a measly measle." 
 
 Just then she cried, "Ouch — gracious! 
 
 I guess they're going to git me." 
 Her mama asked, "What's the matter?" 
 
 And she said, "A measle bit me." 
 
 Those two girls at last gave in. 
 
 The little red nippers got 'em 
 And whipped 'em good — though I must admit 
 
 The goose girls bravely fought 'em. 
 
 They didn't laugh when the nippers tickled 
 Nor cry when frozen or warmed. 
 
 Indeed, they would neither laugh nor cry 
 As the measles over them stormed. 
 
 But they were glad when the worst was over 
 And the nippers were getting tired. 
 
 To keep from getting too hot or too cold 
 Those girls had all they desired. 
 
 The doctor gave them pickled frost 
 
 To eat when they wished to get chilly. 
 
 And Uncle Dan he wrote this poem 
 To make them hot, it's so silly. 
 
 A SORROWFUL SIGHT IN SANGER 
 
 In SANGER you will always meet 
 
 Lovely sun-maids, ladies fair. 
 
 But lazy are the goose girls there — 
 Lazy girls, though proud and neat. 
 
 23 
 
There ene evening as 1 strayed -^ 
 
 I saw two goose girls in the sltade, ^ 
 
 Out to take the evening alP 
 Seated in a rocking chair. 
 
 T* watch them there it made me ma^, 
 Such a lazy style they had. 
 Lolling there upon the lawn, 
 
 Tieath a tree, and looking weary. 
 KoOiing did they do but yawn. 
 
 Nothing said, but "Hum— O dearie!" 
 
 There they sat beneath that tree 
 Blinking their eyes and drinking tea, 
 
 Nodding their heads and eating taffy. 
 
 They were pretty girls and should hare been happy. 
 But they seemed as sad as aad can be. 
 
 Said I, "You two. 
 
 What's the matter with you? 
 Croose girls ought to be glad, 
 But you two seem to be sad — 
 
 Tell me your trouble, do." 
 
 Said Nina, "Boo-hoo! 
 
 I don't know what to do. 
 
 It hurts my feet to walk, 
 
 It hurts my tongue to talk, 
 
 And I don't know what to do — 
 
 Boo-hoo ! 
 I don't know what to do." 
 
 Said Carrie, "Boo-hoo! 
 
 Me too, 
 I don't know what to do. 
 It hurts my head to think, 
 It hurts my eyes to wink, 
 And I don't know what to do— 
 
 Boo-hoo ! 
 I don't know what to do." 
 
 Said I, "You two, 
 
 ril tell you what to do. 
 
 You better get out of here quick 
 
 Before I give you a lick 
 
 With this prickly plum-tree stick. 
 
 ni teach you what to do. 
 
 You two, 
 111 make you cry boo-hoo." 
 
 Alas! — I might have guessed 
 That goose girls thus addressed 
 In a rough, unkindly spirit 
 Would refuse to stay and heart it. 
 
 24 
 
While I scolded them, I heard 
 Nina speak a magic word, 
 A magic sign Miss Carrie made, 
 A finger on her left ear laid. 
 
 At once they rose up in the air. 
 Rose and sailed — I don't know where — 
 Leaving me their empty chair. 
 Which I settled with a bound in 
 And at once was sleeping sound in. 
 
 Whenever a lazy girl I've met, 
 
 I've tried with a stick to whang her, 
 
 And the sorrowful sight I'll never forget 
 That I saw that day in SANGER. 
 
 ERIE DAY AND THE FAIRY FAY 
 
 A goose girl tall and slender 
 Grew up in Sunshine-land. 
 
 Her home was not in KINGSBURG, 
 But some where near at hand. 
 
 At school she led her classes, 
 
 A thing she took much pride in. 
 
 She walked to school of a morning, 
 Not having a car to ride in. 
 
 This goose girl's name was Erie, 
 Her full name Erie Day. 
 
 Folks thought she was a dearie. 
 Some said she was too gay. 
 
 They say she never got weary 
 Either of work or play. 
 
 All by her lonely Erie 
 
 Was going to school one day, 
 When along the road came dancing 
 
 A fine little fairy fay. 
 
 No bigger she was than a bean pod, 
 In a gown of blue and gray 
 
 All covered with bright little flowers 
 Like dew-drops on a spray. 
 
 25 
 
Said the fairy, "Good morning, Miss Erie." 
 Today I am giving out wishes. 
 
 You may catch three wishes this morning. 
 Like a Chinaman catches fishes, 
 
 But I hope you're not like most folks 
 Who wish for nothing but riches." 
 
 Said Erie, "I want to have music 
 To make me be good and gay. 
 
 I wish good health to make me strong 
 For work and also play, 
 
 And I want some oranges to eat — 
 I'd like a few each day.'* 
 
 The fairy waved her wand 
 
 And before you could say Jim Crow, 
 Three persons that were Three Wishes 
 
 Stood in front of her in a row. 
 
 The first was a Musical Lady 
 
 In a dress that was lacy and long. 
 
 Miss Erie knew she was Music 
 
 Because sh3 was singing a song 
 
 And ringing a little bell 
 
 With a tune that went ding-dong. 
 
 The next was a boy called Health, 
 
 A boy as fat as butter. 
 He had dimples so deep and fat 
 
 They put his face in a clutter, 
 And his mouth was so roly-poly 
 
 He could only talk with a stutter. 
 
 The third was an Orange Man 
 
 Who gave Erie a great surprise 
 
 For he had orange ears and nose 
 And oranges for eyes. 
 
 He wasn't the least bit handsome 
 
 But he seemed to be kind and wise. 
 
 The Musical Lady rang her bell 
 And spoke a magic fairy spell — 
 
 HIckery — dickery, six and seven, 
 
 Allabone — crackabone, ten and eleven. 
 
 Water bum and fire flow — 
 
 You shall have a pi-an-o. 
 
 The Orange Man, who lives on Smith Monntaln, 
 
 Pointed a finger and started countin*. 
 
 He counted slowly, "One — two — three. 
 
 Your last wish, Erie, is up to me. 
 
 I live in an orange orchard, , 
 
 26 
 
Some are ripe, some only in bloom. 
 Whenever you want some oranges 
 
 Don't be afraid to come. 
 Pick one — pick six — pick eleven — 
 
 Pick a peck to carry home." 
 
 Now all of a sudden Miss Erie 
 
 Was left alone to stare. 
 The fairy fay and her Wishes Three. 
 
 Were no longer standing there. 
 
 The fairy fay turned into a flower 
 That bloomed by the roadside fair. 
 
 The Musical Lady became a bird 
 And soared away in the air. 
 
 The boy that was fat as butter 
 
 Turned into a Teddy bear. 
 The orange man turned to an orange tree 
 
 And was handsome then, I declare. 
 
 Miss Erie went on to school 
 
 As happy as happy can be. 
 She never, never told any one 
 
 About those Wishes Three, 
 But goose girls know each other's thoughts 
 
 And one of her chums told me. 
 
 I know that she got the wishes 
 
 That were given to her by the fairy. 
 
 Her papa he bought a piano 
 
 Whose music now makes home cheery. 
 
 She is rosy with health and can play 
 All day without getting weary. 
 
 And the orange man upon the mountain 
 Is tending his orchard for Erie. 
 
 There is some mistake about Miss Day. 
 What it was she saw 'tis hard to say, 
 But it wasn't a fairy, that I vow. 
 For there are no fairies around here now. 
 
 Not in San Joaquin, you understand. 
 When the fairies came to Sunshine-land 
 The sunshine made 'em grow so tall 
 They turned to goose girls, one and all. 
 
 Still, the KINGSBURG girls are mighty funny 
 And always doing things to vex us. 
 
 It might be they are earning money 
 By smuggling fairies in from Texas. 
 
 27 
 
A WHALE OF A STORY 
 
 In a ranch house near VISALIA 
 Lived a girl named Ethel Gary. 
 
 Sometimes she's very sweet 
 And sometimes not so very. 
 
 Sometimes she wears a neck-tie, 
 
 Sometimes a baby's bib. 
 Sometimes she tells the truth, 
 
 Sometimes she tells a fib. 
 
 The other day she told me 
 
 A tale that she claims is true. 
 
 I didn't half believe it 
 
 And neither, I fear, will you. 
 
 But as Ethel is a goose girl 
 
 I've got to take her word. 
 Though her tale it was the strangest 
 
 That ever I have heard. 
 
 She's to blame if it is false, 
 
 If it's true, I'll take the glory. 
 
 But whether true or false 
 
 I call it a whale of a story. 
 
 She said her chum named Clara Keyes, 
 Who is living near SULTANA, 
 
 Got into her automobile 
 
 And started for Indiana. 
 
 From there she drove to Cuba, 
 To England, France and Spain, 
 
 To Russia, Japan and China, 
 Then started home again. 
 
 Out on the Pacific ocean. 
 
 Where travel is rough, she reckoned, 
 Clara travelled along quite slowly. 
 
 About fifty miles a second. 
 
 She saw a great big whale 
 
 And took a sudden notion 
 To turn her car around 
 
 And chase it through the ocean. 
 
 She turned around too quickly, 
 
 Which caused her car to upset. 
 
 The bottom side stayed dry. 
 But the top side it got wet. 
 
Nearby floated an ice-berg 
 
 And the car turned on the ice. 
 
 The ice it was so slippery 
 
 It made the car turn twice. 
 
 And when it had got started 
 The auto couldn't stop. 
 
 It kept right on a-turning 
 Flippety-flippety flop. 
 
 It turned over ninety times 
 
 Out there on the ocean blue. 
 
 And every time it turned 
 
 Poor Clara she turned to. 
 
 It did not kill poor Clara, 
 
 But it gave her an awful wallop. 
 So she jumped upon the whale's back 
 
 And rode home in a gallop. 
 
 When Ethel told this story 
 
 To her friend, old Uncle Dan D. 
 
 It made him feel so sorry 
 
 That he swallowed some colored candy. 
 
 He swallowed the colored candy 
 Because he wanted to die. 
 
 But the candy did not kill him, 
 It only made him cry. 
 
 He began to cry in the morning 
 And cried out loud all day. 
 
 He cried while he was at work 
 
 And cried while he was at play. 
 
 He cried so long and hard, 
 
 His tears so thick they rolled. 
 
 They made him awful wet 
 
 And he caught a dreadful cold. 
 
 But when Ethel told him that Clara 
 Was not suffering any pain, 
 
 It made him feel so happy 
 
 That he soon was well again. 
 
THE TRAIL OUT OF MADERA 
 
 There are trails that lead to everywhere 
 
 Upon the solid earth. But now I warn you 
 
 MADERA has a trail up into air, 
 
 An auto route 'twixt heaven and California. 
 
 I'd heard about Miss Allie Dean of CLOVIS, 
 And hov/ she drove a car, till I was weary. 
 
 But I have begged her pardon since she drove us 
 Above the Midland trail into MADERA. 
 
 Above the trail is right — there's something in it. 
 
 That trip with joy and terror I recall. 
 We spun along at fifty miles a minute, 
 
 And we never didn't touch the ground at all. 
 
 Maudie Farrell of MADERA, she is truthful. 
 
 And she will tell the tale the way that's my way. 
 
 Miss Allie took the highway — that's a toothful — 
 Above the trees and houses is a high way. 
 
 A mile beyond MADERA Maudie's home is. 
 And she was due at home exact at five. 
 
 Her mama she had made that loyal promise. 
 To keep it we must make a speedy drive. 
 
 'Twas five till five o'clock when out of CLOVIS 
 
 Allie steered her car up into air. 
 Just like a soaring hawk on high she drove us — 
 
 I wonder what a goose girl will not dare! 
 
 There is a knack in making autos climb, 
 
 So Maudie said (and showed a smiling dimple). 
 
 You've got to go so fast there isn't time 
 
 To stop and take a tumble — ain't it simple? 
 
 And that is how we did it — sakes alive! 
 
 Instead of gasoline we burned the air. 
 We made it in some minutes — less than five — 
 
 And had a little time at that to spare. 
 
 Below we saw the swift express trains wind 
 Along the Santa Fe and Ess Pacific. 
 
 But trains and birds, all things, we left behind — 
 Went flashing past them with a speed terrific. 
 
 At Maudie's home ere five we landed swishin'. 
 
 Where all was calm, though up in air 'twas windy. 
 
 At once her mama gave us all permission 
 To go and see a goose girl in ROLINDA. 
 
 And there we sped — it took us but a second — 
 And there Helena Allen gave us greeting. 
 
 She joined the party, which was what we'd reckoned. 
 And soon again in air our car was fleeting. 
 
 30 
 
Back to MADERA then we turned our car, 
 
 But higher climbed, and took our time about It. 
 
 We went so high we nearly hit a star — 
 
 But there, I'll stop this yarn — I see you doubt it. 
 
 'Tis great a friend of goose girls for to be 
 And go for joy-rides in their magic cars, 
 
 The world above the clouds to tour and see, 
 And loaf about among the suns and stars. 
 
 I mean to call again upon Miss Allie, 
 
 And Maudie Farrell too. I'm hoping soon 
 
 To take MADERA'S trail above the valley 
 For a tour into the Valley of the Moon. 
 
 ALL THE NEWS 
 
 SELMA city is one hum-dinger. 
 Full of goose girls, grapes and ginger. 
 It's full of everything, you know, there, 
 To make a fellow want to go there. 
 
 But there's one reason, the best one ever. 
 That makes me want to head my flivver 
 Toward SELMA, in and out of season — 
 One little blue-eyed, rose-cheeked reason. 
 
 Baby Freda — that's the why — 
 
 Lives in SELMA, or mighty nigh. 
 
 She's a baby goose girl, age of lour. 
 
 But you'd say she was ninety-nine or more 
 
 If you heard her air her baby views. 
 
 Heard her telling folks the news. 
 
 Books produced with brains and labors, 
 Magazines and chatty neighbors. 
 Daily papers — nothing doing 
 When Freda starts the rag to chewing. 
 To get the news I go to SELMA, 
 Call on Freda and let her tell me. 
 
 I slip on my coat and at once get busy 
 Cranking up my cranky Lizzie, 
 Open the throttle and pull down the spark 
 And over to SELMA I sail like a lark. 
 
 There I find Freda and Leejay, her pard, 
 Making mud pan-cakes out in the yard. 
 Both of them shout as loud as they can, 
 "Look who's coming — hello. Uncle Dan!" 
 
 "What's the news?" I cry, and — Zip! 
 Freda's tongue begins to trip. 
 She sits perhaps upon my knee 
 And spins a yarn like this to me^ 
 
 SI 
 
Says she, "I am well and Leejay is well. 
 This mud we're mixing is sticky as jell. 
 Papa is gone, I don't know for what, 
 He went in the car and he went like a shot. 
 
 **May he went for what mama done, 
 
 Though I think she only did it for fun. 
 
 All that she did, truly true. Uncle Dan, 
 
 Was to bang his head with a frying pan 
 
 And throw a poker and hit him once more 
 
 In the back of the neck as he went through the door. 
 
 "Aunt Margie is well and to town has gone. 
 All morning she and Uncle John 
 Have talked with Mama Lamb on the wee-jee 
 Finding out things about little Leejay. 
 
 "Wee-jee says that Leejay is to be 
 
 A bank cashier in Tennessee. 
 
 At the age of twenty he is going to marry 
 
 A girl named Isabel Christabel Carrie. 
 
 "Have you seen Frank Weyse? Ain't he a chump? 
 He has a nose like Andy Gump. 
 All he needs is a girl named Min 
 And then his troubles will begin. 
 
 "I bet you wouldn't guess where Tess is. 
 She's in the kitchen ironing dresses. 
 The way that Tess can iron — O my oh! 
 There ain't a girl 'tween here and Ohio 
 Can iron clothes as fast as she, 
 And she irons them smooth as smooth can be. 
 Tess says it would be her greatest joy 
 If she could iron clothes for Roy. 
 
 "Millie is home and acting a fool. 
 
 She doesn't want to go to school. 
 
 To college now she wants to go 
 
 'Cause that is where they've sent her beau. 
 
 She says a college ain't so worse, 
 
 Though not like high-school is, of course. 
 
 "Have you heard about Carl and Edith and Nelse? 
 They left here lately to go somewhere else. 
 I begged them to stay but they only laughed, 
 Run out their Lizzie and headed for TAFT. 
 In a big hotel there now they stay 
 That costs them ninety-five dollars a day. 
 
 "Edith is sweet but Nelse is a booby. 
 Soon he'll be busted and back to DINUBA. 
 If he'd come to SELMA he'd show more brain. 
 And never would go away again. 
 
"I warn oyer to Della^s the other day .^ 
 
 With Clauda and Eralia to play, 
 
 I found them all Quite well and happy. 
 
 Wc played an hour and made it snappy. 
 
 Uacle Claude I didn't see, 
 
 He was out at work where he ought to be. 
 
 "Tou know Claude took a notion last Sprine 
 And did a very foolish thing. 
 He made up his mind and nothing would d« 
 But they must go back to old Missoo. 
 
 "I told him then^ 'Uncle Claude, I warn yom 
 
 There ain't no place like California.' 
 
 In Bolivar he soon found out 
 
 I knew what I was talking about. 
 
 It wasn't long till they caught a train 
 
 Back to dear old SEH^MA again. 
 
 "That beau of Millie's, she'll have to acknowledge 
 He's making a fool of himself at college. 
 He writes to eay SELMA ain't one-two-three 
 With the football boys of the U. of C. 
 
 "Elmer Husted, you'll remember 
 He went to Texas last November. 
 He came back home the other day, 
 And now in SELMA he means to stay. 
 
 "That's how they all do. Uncle Dan. 
 
 To stay away not one of them can. 
 
 They come to SELMA and then they chase 
 
 To Arizona or some old place, 
 
 To Lost Angellies or somewhere else. 
 
 Like Uncle Will and Claude and Nelse. 
 
 They swear at SELMA and go away, 
 
 But they never, never, never stay." 
 
 Just then I smelt a smelly smell. 
 
 And Freda gave an awful yell. 
 
 "O fudge!" she cried, and from me turned. 
 
 "I've let my muddy pies get burned." 
 
 I said to her politely, "Thankie 
 
 For all the news, Miss Freda Frankie. 
 
 At telling news you're hankie-pankie." 
 
 Truly I would be feeling seedy 
 If I couldn't go see little Freda. 
 Unless there's something fierce befell me, 
 I couldn't miss those trips to SELMA. 
 
THE SECRET ABOUT MILLIE 
 
 There's a goose girl in CORCORAN 
 
 Who better had look out. 
 I know a secret on her 
 
 And I mean to spell it out. 
 I shall spell it in capitals too, 
 
 And downward is my plan. 
 At finding it we'll see how smart 
 
 Are the girls of CORCORAN. 
 
 Millie Raisch, when she went to school 
 In Iowa broke every rule. 
 Like all bad girls who won't be taught, 
 Looked over shoulders to find things out. 
 Idled her time and tore her dresses. 
 Eat up her lunches at recesses. 
 
 In fact, one day she got so nutty 
 
 She swallowed a lump of window putty. 
 
 Queer what a naughty girl will do. 
 Upon that putty she started to chew, 
 Eating it like a piece of cake. 
 Every tooth began to ache. 
 Next her jaw began to break. 
 
 Of course poor Millie started crying. 
 For broken jaws are very trying. 
 
 Her mouth closed tight, she feared to choke 
 Ere the putty ball at last she broke. 
 Roughly then Miss Millie spoke. 
 
 "Say!" she hollered, out of breath. 
 Couldn't you see I's choking to death? 
 How did you think a girl could breathe. 
 Oodles of putty stuck in her teeth? 
 Of course you laughed like any fool — 
 Laugh again and I'll lick the whole school." 
 
 Now who was Millie and what is she? 
 
 To find that out, my poem scan. 
 And goose girls, when you find the key, 
 
 Don't be jealous in CORCORAN. 
 
 THE MAGIC BUG 
 
 The proudest girl I've ever known, by jingo! 
 
 Was a goose girl living in C 
 
 Ck)08e girls in the fields of oil. 
 
 The same as elsewhere, work and t 
 
 84 
 
And Nella Wyatt I do adduce 
 
 In COALINGrA was the greatest g 
 
 She was too proud, she dressed too swell, 
 
 What happened her I grieve to t 
 
 Her shoes were tan, her stockings silk. 
 
 She lived on chocolate wafers and m 
 
 She dressed so fine and felt so proud. 
 
 She wouldn't notice me when I b 
 
 Among the trees and flowers all day 
 
 She nothing did but stroll and p 
 
 Have your fun was her only motto. 
 
 And she rode around in a fancy a 
 
 Her papa and mama were foolish enough 
 
 To buy her all kinds of costly s 
 
 By her friends she was so much admired 
 
 They gave her anything she d 
 
 She had naught to do but live at ease 
 
 And think up ways herself to p 
 
 One time she thought it would be joy 
 
 To put on overalls like a b 
 
 Like a chap who for no one cares a hoet. 
 
 In a sailor hat that was very c 
 
 And overalls a whole lot cuter. 
 
 She went around shooting a nigger s 
 
 She learned that it was hard to find 
 
 Little round stones of just the right k 
 
 She looked for rocks of a size to suit her 
 
 For shooting in a nigger s 
 
 Bending over, she went down a ditch 
 
 Like a hen or a kitten — I ain't sure w 
 
 A big green bug she saw in the sand 
 
 She thought was a rock and reached out her h . . . . 
 
 Now that bug was a Fairy and what it had done 
 
 Was to turn itself into a bug for f 
 
 When Nella squnched it, what did it do 
 
 But turn back to a Fairy before you'd say b 
 
 Because Nella had tried to kill it dead, 
 
 These magic words the bug-Fairy s 
 
 "High and low, near and far — 
 
 Nella be always like you a " 
 
 Remember Nella wore trousers and socks 
 
 And was stooping over to look for r 
 
 Her hair was hanging over her eyes. 
 
 She looked like a spider of terrible s 
 
 Of course she started to stand up straight 
 
 When the Fairy spoke, but it was too 1 
 
 Her hair will now always hang in her eyes. 
 
 From stooping over she can never r 
 
 She must always wear overalls and socks. 
 
 And always be looking for little round r 
 
 Unless there's something breaks loose inside her 
 
 She'll always look like a great big s 
 
 In COALINGA now folks think it is sad 
 
 35 
 
For ft girl to be so, though some are g 
 
 Her proud behavior she now must chuck up, 
 while she stoops down she can't be ■. 
 
 A MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE 
 
 I'll speak no ill 
 Of FARMERSVILLE, 
 8d please don't think that I intend it. 
 It has good crops 
 And busy shops 
 all such things, to recommend it. 
 
 Yet I always shiver 
 
 When in my flivver 
 Ttirough that pleasant town I hurry. 
 
 My heart feels blistery 
 
 To think of the mystery 
 Tliat iOT nearly a year has caused me worry. 
 
 There once I knew 
 
 Goose girls two, 
 ▲0 ftne young girls as I ever met. 
 
 One was Lu, 
 
 Cora was two — 
 Cora was blonde and Lulu brunette. 
 
 They had cheeks like roses, 
 
 Wore rings in their noses. 
 And perfumed their stockings with violet. 
 
 They dressed in style 
 
 And would sweetly smile 
 And nod their heads, if you called them pet. 
 
 They rode a bike 
 
 Quite ladylike, 
 And eaught tadpoles in a back-hair net. 
 
 They could sew and bake, 
 
 Liked prunes and cake. 
 And ate all the tumble bugs they could get. 
 
 The truth to tell 
 
 They behaved themselves well. 
 And never swallowed the things they ate. 
 
 But one sad day 
 
 They flew away 
 And never have returned to tell their fate. 
 
 They last were seen. 
 
 With wings a-preen. 
 Soaring out through the Golden Gate. 
 
 3t 
 
On those girls I doted. 
 
 And as I have noted, 
 When I pass their old home, it makes me ill. 
 
 My tears they flow 
 
 And I swiftly go. 
 With never a pause, through FARMERSVILLE. 
 
 CURLY, THE TALE OF A PIG 
 
 Butchers keep beef, rich folks keep a butler. 
 
 And they keep prize pigs in the town of CUTLER. 
 
 'Twas there young Lola kept a pig. 
 
 When her papa got it, it wasn't big. 
 
 She trimmed its tail and named it Curly. 
 
 She fed it late and fed it early. 
 
 And when she had fed it a week or longer 
 
 Curly had grown much bigger and stronger. 
 
 He grew and grew like a Georgia nigger. 
 Grew and grew still bigger and bigger. 
 At feeding pigs a goose girl can 
 Do better than the strongest man. 
 Lola fed Curly and fed him good. 
 She fed him advice but not any food. 
 She fed him often and fed him right. 
 She fed him morning, noon and night. 
 
 At feeding a pig no one could touch her. 
 Before she sold him to the butcher 
 Curly was big as a cow or worse. 
 As big, I'll say, as a full-grown horse. 
 It got so big, as she kept right on 
 Feeding that pig the way she done. 
 It couldn't go through the gate of its pen, 
 And what did she do about it then? 
 
 Lola was put to big expense 
 
 To lift fat Curly over the fence. 
 
 She had to rent a derrick high 
 
 And raise him half way to the sky. 
 
 She swung him, head and tail and snout, 
 
 Up and over the fence and out. 
 
 One time, before this remarkable pig 
 Was fed so well and had grown so big, 
 It found a crack in the pen one day, 
 Wiggled through and ran away. 
 
 He ran through the parlor and the kitchen, 
 While Lola ran after to give him a switchin'. 
 But pigs won't stand for abuse and lickin's. 
 Out into the vineyard he ran like the dickens. 
 
 87 
 
Out into the street ran the little fool. 
 
 Past Collin's drugstore toward the school. 
 
 The girls rushed out in a hurly-burly 
 
 To help Miss Lola chase poor Curly. 
 
 The boys came too, and that poor little hog 
 
 Was even chased by a pointer dog. 
 
 They ran for miles that day, they tell me. 
 Once the pig was caught by Velma. 
 But she tripped on a stone, the pig got loose. 
 And Velma got a painful bruise. 
 
 Curly ran on, but after awhile 
 
 He was caught by Helen in handy style. 
 
 He kicked and squealed and again got free. 
 
 While Helen fell and bumped her knee. 
 
 As on again that pig did sail, 
 Margaret caught him by the tail. 
 But tails are slick and pigs are spry, 
 And Margaret she sat down to cry. 
 
 I couldn't tell if I tried, indeed. 
 The way that pig kept up his speed. 
 How many girls there were that got him, 
 How many others almost caught him. 
 The trouble was, so I've been told it. 
 Not one of the girls was able to hold it. 
 Lola herself was the one at last 
 To catch young Curly and hold him fast. 
 
 She caught him first by his crinkly hair, 
 Caught him tight and held him with care. 
 Then she caught him by the tail and snout, 
 By all four ears that were sticking out, 
 By five front feet and three behind, 
 And her arms around his neck did wind. 
 
 She caught him all over and held him tight, 
 And Curly was back in his pen that night. 
 
 THE DEATH OF A CANNIBAL GIANT 
 
 There were giants once in Sunshine-land, 
 And their deeds were dark and tragic. 
 
 Bmt all of them were long since slain 
 By th© power of goose girl magic. 
 
 To prove that goose girls killed these giants. 
 
 And how they did the killin', 
 FM tell of the one that came to PARLIER 
 
 And the girl who slew the villain. 
 
A cannibal giant ninety feet high 
 Walked into PARLIER one day. 
 
 He went to the kindergarten first 
 
 Where the babies were at their play. 
 
 He ate up all the babies there 
 
 And ate up all their toys. 
 And then he went to the primary school 
 
 And began to eat the girls and boys. 
 
 But Neva, the goose girl, came in her car. 
 
 And the giant he turned pale. 
 She made him sit down and pick his teeth 
 
 And wash his feet in a pail. 
 
 She cut off his nose with the blade of a scythe 
 Which she carries for cutting pies. 
 
 She cut off his ears and cut off his head, 
 And planted dandelions in his eyes. 
 
 This goose girl got a rich reward. 
 For on giants there is a bounty. 
 
 They gave her a million liberty bonds 
 
 And made her the Queen of the County. 
 
 Queen Neva's name is Geneva Foote, 
 
 The giant's name was Guffer. 
 Before he was slain, in many a town 
 
 He had made the children suffer. 
 
 The folks of PARLIER will never forget 
 
 That day of grief and terror. 
 But now in all the raisin belt 
 
 There is no safer city or fairer. 
 
 THE GOOSE GIRLS* AUXILIARY 
 
 The Goose Girls' Auxiliary met at STRATHMORB 
 To formulate plans for an annual convention. 
 
 Jtme Curtis of KERMAN had charge of the floor, 
 With delegates there too many to mention. 
 
 Vice-presidents were Ina Smithers of GOSHEN, 
 
 Winnie Sonz of STRATFORD, Gay Held of 
 DUCOR, 
 Molly Greaves of FAMOSO, Nan White of McFAR- 
 LAND— 
 With secretaries (there were three or four) 
 In charge of Marjorie Burt of STRATHMORE. 
 
 There were delegates there from a thousand cities. 
 
 Cities to be in the future, I mean. 
 Headed for STRATHMORE, the skies were clouded 
 
 With goose girl flocks of the San Joaquin. 
 
 39 
 
Clovis, Primero, Earlimart, Lucerne, 
 
 Richgrove, Lacjac, Las Palmas, Sultana — 
 
 There were delegates there from as far as KERN,, 
 Prom Tarn, Navelencia, Rector, Locana. 
 
 They came from Page, Hunt, Woodville, Tipton, 
 
 Aloho, Zante, Adams and Burling, 
 Giant Oak, Venida and Loma, they slipped on. 
 
 Prom Yettem, Miley and Swall came whirling. 
 
 Prom Hovant, Butler and Oleander, 
 
 Prom Andrews, Remnoy and Muscatel — 
 
 Hundreds of gooses but n'ary a gander. 
 
 Prom Banner and Star, the crowd to swell. 
 
 From Radwyn, Octof, ImhofC, Luvita, 
 
 Prom Blossom and Barton, Dorsey, Orion, 
 
 Burr and El Mirador, Springville and Sunland, 
 To name them all there's no use tryin'. 
 
 Kearney, Trigo, Herndon, Storey, 
 
 Tharsa, Biola, Solo, ROLINDA, 
 Borden, Bullard and Irrigosa — 
 
 To tell *em all I couldn't begin to. 
 
 Smyrna, Redbank, Stout and Armona, 
 
 McMullin and Caruthers — O what's the use? 
 
 If I tried to name them (which I ain't a go'na) 
 Though I ain't a girl, I'd be a goose. 
 
 They held the discussion in old STRATHMORE, 
 They held a big banquet in KERMAN that night. 
 
 Ellen Frear of TERRA BELLA then took the floor 
 And led the Grand March — O what a sight! 
 
 ALTHEA SMITH OF PORTERVILLE 
 
 Althea Smith of PORTERVILLE 
 Can ride a bike with ease. 
 
 But carelessly one day she rode 
 Into a hive of bbb. 
 
 She broke her toes and tore her dress. 
 While to her great surprise 
 
 The angry bees came swarming out 
 And stung her in the iii. 
 
 With broken toes she couldn't walk, 
 So crawled upon her knees. 
 
 She couldn't see, so felt around 
 Her bicycle to ccc. 
 
 40 
 
As big as pumpkins swelled her eyes, 
 Her toes swelled through her shoes. 
 
 She tried to climb upon her bike 
 But found it was no uuu. 
 
 She could not walk, she could not ride, 
 She could not even crawl. 
 
 So she began to bounce herself 
 And bounced home like a ball. 
 
 With broken toes and clothes all torn 
 And swelled up smarting eyes. 
 
 She went to see old Uncle Dan. 
 Who is both good and yyy. 
 
 He fixed her toes and cured her eyes 
 And bought her nice new clothes, 
 
 And charged her fifty cents, but she 
 Won't pay him what she ooo. 
 
 Althea Smith of PORTERVILLE 
 I guess is not a goose girl, 
 
 Or else she'd pay me what she owes. 
 And not be such a loose girl. 
 
 A goose girl always pays her debts. 
 
 But Althea never pays. 
 Of all the cases I have met 
 
 She is the hardest kkk. 
 
 I do not like to fuss, Althea, 
 
 I do not wish to ttt. 
 Why don't you pay me what you owe 
 
 And let us live in ppp? 
 
 THE FIRST GOOSE GIRL IN TRAVER 
 
 This tale was told me by a little shaver 
 
 Named Minnie Foote, who lives near TRAVER. 
 
 The streets of TRAVER were one day full 
 
 Of young folks homeward bound from school. 
 
 Suddenly somewhere in the crowd 
 
 A girl was heard to cry aloud. 
 
 That girl a finger heavenward pointed. 
 
 Her slender neck she nigh unjointed 
 
 So far her head was backward bent 
 
 With startled glances upward sent. 
 
 Then came a cry from everywhere. 
 And all the girls looked up in air 
 Where o'er the city soared and whirred 
 What looked to be a giant bird. 
 
 41 
 
Yet less a bird it seemed than human, 
 It looked to be a girl or woman. 
 But strange to say, of all strange things. 
 It flew, yet seemed to have no wings. 
 
 The TRAVER girls this did befuzzle 
 Till Minnie Foote explained the puzzle. 
 She said 'twas a goose girl they had spied. 
 And goose girls wear their wings inside. 
 
 THE FLU IN EXETER 
 
 Years ago, at least a few. 
 
 In EXETER they had the flu.. 
 
 Other cities had it too. 
 
 But in EXETER was brought to view 
 
 The saddest case I knew, 
 
 The case of pretty Su- 
 
 San Myrtle Millard, who 
 
 Had troubles not a few. 
 
 Susan went out in the dew. 
 
 Why she did so nobody knew. 
 
 Her folks were in a stew, 
 
 For the wind it blew 
 
 And scattered the dew 
 
 And wet Miss Sue 
 
 And chilled her through 
 
 Till she shivered — "Oo-oo!" 
 
 And sneezed "Ker-choo!" 
 
 What then to do 
 
 Nobody knew. 
 
 The whole scared crew 
 
 Just hollered "Halloo! 
 
 Come out of there you, 
 
 You'll catch the flu." 
 
 But Susan said "Boo!" 
 
 And stayed in the dew. 
 
 She kicked ofC a shoe. 
 
 And her coat she threw 
 
 Right down in the dew. 
 
 And her tam cap too. 
 
 For alas! it was true 
 
 She had the flu 
 
 And a fever too, 
 
 And she crazy grew 
 
 And never knew 
 
 What she tried to do. 
 
 She was so for a day or two 
 
 And then got well of the flu. 
 
 But I've heard it is true 
 
 That since having the flu 
 
 She thinks black is blue 
 
 And don't know one from two. 
 
 42 
 
If you live in EXETER, won't yon 
 Please inquire about Sue 
 And drop me a postal? — do. 
 I'm worried, and I wish I knew 
 If her mind is still askew. 
 
 THE MAGICAL LULLABY 
 
 Against the town of FOWLER 
 
 I have no grudge or fear. 
 I've friends among the goose girls ther© 
 
 I hold most true and dear. 
 
 But when I visit there, I take 
 
 Of cotton wool a lump 
 And stuff each ear whene'er I hear 
 
 A piano start to thump. 
 
 Don't think me impolite, I pray, 
 For making that my practice. 
 
 Read on and you'll admit that it 
 An act of social tact is. 
 
 Tou'd think a place named FOWLER 
 For fowls would be most noted, 
 
 But FOWLER in the San Joaquin 
 For something else is quoted. 
 
 Fowls you know are chickens. 
 
 Ducks and geese. And 'tis allowed 
 
 For gosling geese, or goose girls, 
 FOWLER town is justly proud. 
 
 But the special thing for which 
 
 That burg is celebrated 
 If the strange and magic music 
 
 Which those girls have cultivated. 
 
 All goose girls play pianos there, 
 And violins too quite often. 
 
 And their tunes of tender magic 
 The hardest hearts can soften. 
 
 One evening there I took a walk 
 Near by a goose girl's home. 
 
 And heard sweet sounds of melody 
 From out the window come. 
 
 It was a goose girl lullaby 
 
 So soft and sad and low. 
 At once it made me sleepy. 
 
 And my tears began to flow. 
 
When FOWLER girls play tunes like that 
 It makes folks sad and lazy. 
 
 Sometimes they simply go to bed, 
 And sometimes they go crazy. 
 
 I hurried on and in this house 
 
 As fast as I could go, 
 And there was Mazie Cortwright 
 
 Sitting at her pi-an-o. 
 
 "O please," I cried, "Miss Mazie, 
 Play something bright and gay." 
 
 Said she, "If you don't like it, 
 Why don't you go away?" 
 
 I went to find her sister. 
 
 Her mommer or her popper, 
 
 To tell to them my trouble. 
 
 In hopes that they would stop her. 
 
 But already Mazie's lullaby 
 
 Had put them all to sleep. 
 That's what it always does to folks, 
 
 Or else it makes them weep. 
 
 I still was weeping loudly. 
 
 But I beat it while I could. 
 I started out for MONSON 
 
 Through the dark and rain and mud. 
 
 That sad and sleepy lullaby 
 
 Made walking such a labor. 
 I went to sleep a dozen times 
 
 Ere I reached the nearest neighbor. 
 
 I found him lying on his porch 
 
 Sound asleep, and could not wake him. 
 
 He wouldn't wink an eyelid. 
 
 Though I tried my best to make him. 
 
 From house to house I stumbled on, 
 
 And at the second house 
 I found the family all asleep — 
 
 Not one could I arouse. 
 
 Much alarmed, I hastened on 
 
 And found all people sleeping. 
 
 And those who were not sound asleep 
 Were sitting down and weeping. 
 
 You see, with goose girl magic, 
 Mazie made her music sound 
 
 So that everybody heard it 
 
 For miles and miles around. 
 
 Back I ran to Mazie's house 
 
 And begged her on my knees — 
 
 "You're breaking all the neighbor's hearts. 
 Stop that sad music please. 
 
 44 
 
• • -• • "^ 
 
 "Stop and I'll give you a quarter * ' ' ' 
 And some bird's-eggs in a basket, 
 
 A bushel of sand and anything else 
 Except my boots, if you ask it.'V 
 
 But that cruel goose girl only said, 
 
 **You think you're smart, sir, don't yon? 
 
 But Uncle Dan, you'll now find out 
 I've got you where I want you. 
 
 "If you wish me to stop playing 
 
 And not make you sad and lasty. 
 Go crank your Ford and drive afield 
 
 And find for me a daisy." 
 In vain I pled, in vain I wept. 
 
 Miss Mazie had no pity. 
 I hustled out and cranked my Ford 
 
 And drove toward FRESNO city. 
 All night long I cranked and drove. 
 
 And hunted with hard labors 
 To find a daisy for cruel Mazie, 
 
 And save myself and the neighbors. 
 A thousand times I stopped to search 
 
 For daisies in the dark. 
 A thousand times I cranked that fllyrer 
 
 Because it wouldn't spark. 
 With a bunch of daisies in my hand, 
 
 My face all pale and haggard. 
 Into Mazie Cortwright's home at dawn 
 
 With a low, sad cry I staggered. 
 I would not tease Miss Cortwright, 
 
 I am no hand at codding, 
 But blame me not if now in FOWLER 
 
 I carry cotton wadding. 
 
 THE FLOWERS OF SUNSHINE-LAND 
 
 Wherever lovely flowers I savor 
 
 I ask the goose girls which they favor. 
 
 The Poppy, thinks Rene Carr of ARMONA, 
 
 Was queen of flowers since days of Jonah. 
 
 A Rose, says Evalyn Lusk of TIPTON, 
 
 Holds sweetest dew she ever sipped on. 
 
 Of course Violet Shroyer, of OLEANDER, 
 
 Than violets thinks nothing grander. 
 
 The Lily, says Anne Ladue of CARUTHERS, 
 
 Of love receives the biggest share of hers. 
 
 Miss Aurel Brune of EARLIMART, 
 
 The Golden Rod holds next her heart. 
 
 But there! — Some time in idle hours 
 
 ni write "The Goose Girls' Book of Flowers." 
 
 4B 
 
O If. .^ ^ct 
 
 O 
 
 A POEM ABOUT YOURSELF 
 
 Is there anybody, anywhere, a friend up North, 
 a cousin back East— whom you love enough to want 
 her to read this book that has been written about you 
 
 girls of the San Joaquin? If so, then buy a Goose 
 irl Book and send it to her, first cutting out the 
 Goose Girl coupon (Cousin Kate in Kansas won't have 
 anv use for it) and send that coupon and the one 
 below to 
 
 D. E. DERMODY 
 R. R. 3. Dinuba, Calif. 
 
 I 
 
 The poem you send for may be about whatever 
 you wish— yourself, baby sister, your teacher, a 
 schoolmate, anybody! Uncle Dan D. pledges his 
 laurel crown that these poems will every one be all 
 you could hope for them to be— as good as any in 
 the book. 
 
 Goose-CQUPON-Girl 
 
 UNCLE DAN D:—Here are two (2) Goose 
 Girl Coupons, for which send me a poem about 
 
 Write here name and age of person poem is to be about. 
 
 Send the poem to 
 
 Street or route 
 
 City and State 
 
 N. B.—li your Book Store is out of Goose Girl 
 Books, send the price of a book and one coupon, and 
 
 get a book and a poem. Or send the price of two 
 ooks and get two oooks and one poem. 
 
 Price by Mail, Postage Free, 75 Cents 
 
 HURSTS PRINT SHOP. DINUBA. CALIF. 
 
^■^'^^^r 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY