sip-NRLF 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR 
 
 & nefo antr rtjjmal Burlesque, 
 
 Founded on the Great Sensation Drama of THE 
 
 COLLEEN BAWN. 
 
 HENSY J. BYRON, 
 
 (Member of the Dramatic Authors' Society,} 
 
 AUTHOR OP 
 
 The Old Story, Cinderella; or, the Lover, the Lackey, and the Little Glass Slipper, 
 
 Blue Beard from a New Point of Hue, Robinson Crusoe, Mazeppa, The Maid 
 
 and the Magpie; or, the Fatal Spoon, The Babes in the Wood, 
 
 Bride of Abydos, Fra Diavolo, Jack the Giant Killer, 
 
 Very Latest Edition of the Lady of Lyons, The 
 
 Nymph of the Lurleyberg, Pilgrim of Love, 
 
 The Garibaldi Excursionists, Aladdin,, 
 
 or the Wonderful Scamp, Esme- 
 
 ralda, or the Sensation 
 
 Goat, &c.,&c. 
 
 PART AUTHOR OF 
 
 The Miller and his Men., Forty Thieves, .and Valentine and Orson. 
 
 THOMAS HAILES LACY, 
 
 89, STRAND, 
 
 (Opposite Soutiiampton Street, Covent Garden Market,) 
 LONDON. 
 
SE 
 EI 
 
 M 
 M 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR, 
 
 I 
 
 S3 ^ 
 
 iy 
 
 
 S. 
 s 
 
 3 
 
 & 
 A 
 
 CO 
 
 C 
 
 SCENE 
 
 g3 
 
 
 
 tc j 
 
 'S 2 
 
 3*3 
 d 
 
 -d w 
 g 
 
 ej rj 
 
 j| 
 
 2 
 
 3 t 
 
 
 
 UJ 
 
 ^P 
 
 73 So 
 
 w 
 
 .2 
 
 H3 
 
 
 
 R/J83O318 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR; 
 
 ! 
 I 
 
 CO 
 
 wr 
 
 & 
 
 3 
 
 | 
 
 02 
 
 *a 
 
 pq 
 
 2 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 p 
 
 te 
 
 OP 
 
 o 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 02 
 
 I 
 
 1 
 
 1 
 
 O 
 
 
 
 < 
 
 
 o 
 
 *a 
 
 
 
 1 
 
 H 
 
 S 
 
 .2 
 
 ^ 
 
 fcC J^ 
 
 > 
 
 S 
 
 I 
 
 Ul 
 
 a 
 
 a 
 o 
 
 5Q 
 
 CO 
 CO 
 
 S 
 o 
 
 o 
 
 to 
 a 
 
 2 
 
 H 
 
 ftl 
 
 
 * <S 
 
 v: 73 
 
 ll 
 J i 
 
 H to 
 
 1 I 
 t, 2 
 
 I.S 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOK. 
 
 SCENE FIRST. The Exterior of Mrs. Cregaris same as 
 in the Drama of the " Colleen Sawn." House, L. 
 rocks, set waters, moonlight. 
 
 Music Rising of the curtain HARDRESS enters from 
 house, L., looks stealthily about, 
 
 HARD. I can't find Danny Mann it's very odd I 
 Can't when I'm pressed for time find any bod-y. 
 Danny, my man, you haven't told the truth. 
 What's come to that most animated youth? 
 
 Music. DANNY enters cautiously from back, L. u. E. 
 
 Oh! here you are at last : well really, Danny 
 
 DAN. Whist, Mr. Hardress Cregan, speak pianny. 
 HARD. And why pianny? what have we to fear? 
 DAN. In case there should be anybody near. 
 HARD. 'Tis almost time to seek my Eily's cot 
 
 At Muckross Head ; your boat of course you've got ; 
 
 You will be ready ? 
 DAN. Master's but to say 
 
 The word, and his fond Danny must obey. 
 
 He's but to say "to Muckross/' and he'll see 
 
 My boat will take him uckross speedilee. 
 HARD, (bringing DANNY down) It's strange, considering 
 the awful lickings, 
 
 And the unlimited supply of kickings.; 
 
 The terrible head punchings, and the blows 
 
 You have received from me upon the nose, 
 
 That you should love me ! 
 DAN. Ah ! and when a boy 
 
 You did my graceful figure quite destroy ; 
 
 You flung me off a rock a dreadful thing 
 
 But you were young, and youth will have its fling. 
 
6 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. i. 
 
 I, with the chuck, fell like a lump of lead did, 
 And, ever since, have been quite chuckle Beaded. 
 After you struck me from the rock so neatly, 
 I felt that I was u off it" most completely. 
 I fell in a ravine, with just one crack, 
 And rose up quite a ra-vine maniac. 
 HARD. / was the maniac, 'twas more's the pity, 
 
 One of my many acts of stupiditty. 
 DAN. (points to his forehead] Here is the place where the 
 
 hot blow I got, see, 
 
 The which did cause my present idi-otsy. 
 HARD. Your nut was in the way. 
 DAN. It was I feel ; 
 
 Since which I've been an utter imbecile, 
 My back was bent, too, by the fall profound, 
 But, as you see, at last we both came round. 
 To keep me in this wicked world afloat 
 You kindly set me up, sir, in a boat. 
 Having no head, you bought me two fine skulls ; 
 And though, at first, I "caught crabs" and made mulls, 
 The ferry patronised by such a swell 
 Succeeded, and I now row ferry well. 
 HARD. That's right. Then presently we'll row to Eily, 
 Although my friends would look upon her shyly, 
 Her education being, so to speak, 
 Unfinished. Get your boat within the creek ; 
 This lover would to his fond mistress go, 
 So, to my lovely Juliet, Row me oh ! 
 
 Duet." Judy Callaghan." 
 Hark, my most faithful of men, 
 
 If my protection you care about ; 
 See your boat's ready at ten, 
 
 Make me aware of your whereabouts. 
 Eily, vilely I 
 
 Lately have neglected quite ; 
 Let a week pass by, 
 
 Though each day expected quite 
 Don't say no, alarming Danny Mann again. 
 REPEAT ENSEMBLE. Don't say no, &c. 
 
 Exit DANNY, L. u. E. 
 
sc. i.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 7 
 
 Music, "The Grecian Statues." Enter MRS. CREGAN//-OW 
 house, L., a Tragedy Queen Matron, with her hair in curl 
 papers. 
 
 MRS. C. (L.) This is nice conduct, Hardress, catterwauling 
 When, as the poet says, " the dew is falling ;" 
 An apt quotation, which reminds me, too, 
 That we've a something else that's falling due ; 
 Corrigan's bill of which we've none at present, 
 Your prospects are remarkably unpleasant ; 
 Come, look me in the face, my dear boy, quite full, 
 And say if they're not dreadful. 
 
 HARD. (R., looking into his mother s face] Yes, ma., frightful ! 
 
 MRS. C. Ann Chute's your only chance she is an heiress; 
 She was brought up, as you're aware in Pairis. 
 
 HARD. Out of the question, mother, that affair is ; 
 For me, Ann Chute Ann Chute must ever be. 
 
 MRS. C. Don't you attempt to teach and chuter me. 
 She has a purse an' all have liked that knew her. 
 
 HARD. I have a personal aversion to her, 
 
 Besides, Kyrle Daly is engaged to wed her. 
 
 MRS. C. They've had a row, and don't now row togedder; 
 She like my hairdresser, who's turned away 
 Because he hinted I was getting gray, 
 And hadn't now the locks of a young girl 
 No longer is engaged to that ere Kyrle. 
 
 HARD. Mother, she of my love can't be the object, 
 So let us talk upon some other subject. 
 
 MRS. C. Some other ; Why, with rage I shall s-m-other ; 
 (in his ear) I know it is because you love another. 
 A little bird has told me of a lark 
 That you are carrying on, boy, after dark : 
 Confess come, come, this love, when did begin it? 
 
 HARD. 'Tis but a little lark, with little in it. 
 
 Of people fond of smoking on the premises, 
 There's them as isn't mother, and there's them as is ; 
 And so, my " negrohead " I nightly whiff 
 With Danny, in his most convenient skiff. 
 
 MRS. C. Pah! Negrohead! It's Muckross Head you mean, 
 Where dwelleth Eily, that poor pale Colleen ; 
 That's why you cross the water of a night 
 Excursions daily to the Eily white. 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR- [SC. I. 
 
 Think of Ann Chute, and our ancestral tree, 
 
 Or up one quite as tall we soon shall be ; 
 
 Knock on the head, at once, this boyish passion. 
 HARD. Why, though I must confess, ma', me 'twas rash on, 
 
 And I am very well aware I shouldn't, 
 
 I've married her. 
 MRS. C. Oh, marry! Come up, you couldn't. 
 
 Trample upon your parent, Hardress, go it. 
 
 (in deep grief } What! me a ma-in-law, and not to 
 know it. 
 
 Duet." Kitty Tyrrell." 
 
 HARD. I'm married to Eily O'Connor ; 
 
 You'll like her exceedingly, 
 MRS. C. Pooh ! 
 
 HARD. Oh, please to look kindly upon her ; 
 
 I'll bring her to see you, 
 MRS. C. Yes, do! 
 
 HARD. Oh, mamma, she's extremely good looking, 
 
 And virtue is stamped in her face ; 
 And then she's so first rate at cooking- 
 MRS. C. Then why don't she take a cook's place. 
 HARD. Oh, mother! 
 
 MRS. C. Oh, bother; your family, boy, you'd disgrace. 
 (to the symphony, MRS. CREGAN sets to the door 
 
 and dances in] 
 HARD. Oh ! Eily, Eily, wherefore art thou Eily ? 
 
 Exit, R. u. E. 
 
 Enter ANNE CHUTE, L., followed ~by KYRLE DALY. 
 
 ANNE. Pooh, sir, you're going on extremely slyly ; 
 
 Well, well, of course you're like all other fellows. 
 KYRLE. Ann Chute, what makes you so extremely jealous ? 
 
 Anne, to divine the cause I am not able ; 
 
 I am the mildest youth imaginable ; 
 
 Indeed, my character's so weak, my charmer, 
 
 That I don't see I'm wanted in the drama. 
 ANNE. Abroad, extremely bad reports are spread ; 
 
 Where do you go to every night ? 
 KYRLE. To bed. 
 
 And dream that down life's path, as poets sing, 
 
SO. I.] MISS ETLT O'CONNOR. 9 
 
 Me an* my Anne are both me-an-dering. 
 
 If you ould see the future as I view it 
 ANNE. You want my 'and to ring, but you don't do it. 
 
 (crosses to L.) 
 
 I hate thin folks as very oft I've stated ; 
 KYRLE. Thin! Recollect how I'm in-fat-u-ated ; 
 
 I'm an anomaly, though I'm encased 
 
 Most loosely, yet you see I've run to waist. 
 
 My groans and tears of anguish don't despise 
 
 And don't make light thus of my heavy sighs. 
 ANNE. Your sighs though heavy have no weight with me f 
 KYRLE. Say you'll the wife of poor Kyrle Daly be ; 
 
 My proper sleep for thought of you, miss, railly, 
 
 I misses nightly, then be Mrs, Daly. 
 
 Duet." Ring the Banjo" 
 
 ANNE. I've done with you, Kyrle Daly, 
 
 Your conduct's very bad ; 
 At once I thought you railly 
 Some slight affection had. 
 
 KYRLE. Into a state you throw me, 
 
 Of downright mise-ree ; 
 Anne Chute, you really blow me 
 
 Up con-tin-u-al-/ee. 
 Ring, ring, my Anne Chute, 
 
 A wedding ring let be ; 
 A climax to our squabbling let's 
 
 Embrace mat-rim- o-nee. 
 
 (ANNE crosses to R. disdainfully] 
 
 ANNE. Ring, ring, you Anne Chute, 
 
 A wedding ring shan't be ; 
 The climax to our squabbling let's 
 Be parted instantly. 
 
 Exeunt ANNE, R. KYRLE, L. 
 (as KYRLE is rushing off he meets CORRIGAN, who is 
 entering, and treads heavily on his feet) 
 
 CORRI. Gracious! my favourite corn he's ground to flour! 
 Of an attorney they shall feel the power ; 
 
10 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. i. 
 
 Ha, ha ! now comes a day of retribution ; 
 If they can't pay, I'll pop an execution 
 Into the house, remorseless my character's, 
 And sell up all the sticks I mean the actors; 
 Here comes the widow, down, compunction, down. 
 
 Enter MRS. CREGAN, L., starts on beholding CORRIGAN, 
 and turns from him in contempt 
 
 CORRI. Your servant, lady nay, don't coldly frown ; 
 
 I've come to pay you my respects, and you 
 
 Will also, in return, mum, pay what's due ; 
 
 Don't think me hold, that I presumed to call 
 
 My little bill's eight thousand pounds that's all ! 
 
 (producing it) 
 
 MRS. C. A trifle light as air !" (aside) With fear I stifle ; 
 COREL I'm very glad you call that ere a trifle ; 
 
 Your son and heir, I hope, is pretty bobbish. 
 MRS. C. Sir! This familiarity is snobbish. 
 
 Do not presume. 
 CORRI. He hem I beware, proud beauty ; 
 
 Don't force me to a most unpleasant duty : 
 
 Could you oblige me ? 
 
 MRS. C. (L.) Sir, I cannot pay. 
 
 CORRI. (R.) Oh, then I must oblige z/aw, in a way ! 
 MRS. C. Mercy! 
 
 Co URL (suddenly kneeling) I love you. 
 MRS. C. Rage! 
 
 CORRI. (taking her hand) I will be truthful. 
 
 Enter HARDRESS at back, R., observes them> and comes 
 down behind COJRRIGAN. 
 
 And though Fm not particularly youthful, 
 You are yourself, remember, not a chicken. 
 
 (receives a tremendous, kick in the back from 
 
 HARDRESS. He remains without turning round 
 
 or rising) 
 It strikes me forcibly that some one's kicking. 
 
 (ivith the air of a martyr) 
 No matter I can bear it ! Now I've got 
 This chance, I'll strike while yet the iron's hot; 
 On this poor Irishman, so dull and flat, 
 Have pity how my heart beats pity Pat* 
 
sc. i.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 11 
 
 HARD. Pr'aps you'll oblige me, sir, by taking that. 
 
 (crushes his hat over his eyes, and knocks him on 
 
 his face) 
 GORKI. (R., sits up) Young man, you have than pancake 
 
 beaten flatter 
 My hat. 
 
 HARD, (c.) Your head too will I beat to batter. 
 CORRI. He hem! you'd batter not. 
 MRS. C. (L.) Try not the latter, he 
 
 Would bring an action for assault and battery. 
 We're in the power of this vile solicitor. 
 
 (CoRRtGAN rises, pulls out a note book, and dips 
 
 his pen in an ink bottle, hanging from his coat) 
 He is remorseless, boy, as an inquisitor. 
 CORRI. Pen and ink wisitor, as you perceive ; 
 
 I'll take the inventory, with your leave, (goes up) 
 MRS. C. What's to be done ? He'll sell us up, that's sure ! 
 
 DANNY runs on from back, L. u. E. 
 
 DAN. Now, master, dear ! 
 
 MRS. C. (intercepting him) Hush! you ill-mannered boor. 
 (melo- dramatic music, very piano, tilt end of 
 
 dialogue) 
 
 (bringing him down tragically) Come here ! 
 (in the manner of tragedians in u King John") I had 
 
 a thing to say ! 
 DAN. (L., aside, alarmed) She looks like that old party in 
 
 the play. 
 MRS. C. (R.) I've paid you liberal wages, Danny, dear; 
 
 Given you Christmas boxes 
 
 DAN. On the ear ! 
 
 MRS. C. That's neither ere nor there. Hem ! by-the-bye 
 Just have the kindness, please, to throw thine eye 
 On yon young girl. (DANNY looks about confused) 
 
 No, no, she isn't here ! 
 I don't know if I make myself quite clear; 
 Ou Eily ! (chord in orchestra) 
 
 DAN. Oh ! 
 MRS. (/. She must be put aside; 
 
 Your master's anxious for another bride ; 
 Into the water he would have you spill her. 
 
12 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. i, 
 
 DAN. (after struggling with his feelings] I'll be remorseless, 
 
 ma'am, as the gorilla! (crosses to R.) 
 MBS. C. Gorilla ! Good ! The simile's refined, 
 And that the water's not too shallow, mind. 
 DAN. If Master Hardress sends his glove to say 
 He wishes Eily put out of the way, 
 Because she's in the way of Miss Anne Chute. 
 'Twill be a dreadful dooty but I'll do't ! 
 MBS. C. (handing a glove to DANNY) Behold his glove, 
 my very worthy friend. 
 
 (DANNY clutches it in horror] 
 MRS, C. (aside) He gave it me ten minutes back to mend. 
 
 (to CORRIGAN) Oh, Mr. Corrigan ! 
 CORRI. (advancing, L.) Ma'am, I attend. 
 
 MRS. C. As I've a friend, who will the money lend, 
 
 Your matrimonial hopes are at an end. 
 COREL I'll bring an action, then, which you'll defend ! 
 (to HARDRESS) Yes, if a thousand pounds o'er it I 
 
 spend. 
 
 HARD. That way your steps be good enough to wend. 
 DAN. (aside to MRS. CREGAN, taking her, aside to R.) One 
 dip shall end her, ma'am, on me dip- end. 
 
 Quartette, * * Skidamalink. ' ' 
 
 HARD. (L. c., aside] Eily, I think a noodle am I, to show 
 
 this hesitation, 
 For all my love for you is based upon a wrong 
 
 foundation, 
 Why should I shrink at such a misdeed a 
 
 mother's a relation ; 
 
 One ought to save at any risk, one trifling 
 palpitation, 
 
 MRS. C. (R. c., to DANNY) Eily's a link, to break it we'll 
 
 try, and in her situation, 
 We'll pop Anne Chute, who is a girl high in 
 
 my estimation. 
 DAN. (R., to MRS. C.) A nod, as a wink, to horse that is 
 
 blind, has the same valuation, 
 I must imbibe to brace me for this terrible 
 occasion. 
 
sc. ii.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 13 
 
 GORKI. (L.) Blow this ere ink, it's perfectly dry. Permit 
 
 me one observation, 
 If I'm not paid, and shortly too, you'll feel my 
 
 indignation ; 
 All of the chink : you've raised upon my frame, sir, 
 
 an abrasion, 
 
 I really feel the symptoms of incipient inflammation. 
 (DANNY, R., and CORRIGAN, L., dance in opposite 
 corners. HARDRESS, L.C., and his MOTHER, R. c., 
 dance up the stage hand in hand, then down c. 
 Picture formed at the end by the four in imitation 
 of the celebrated Pas de Quatre. Closed in. 
 
 SCENE SECOND. A Landscape. 
 
 MILES NA COPPALEEN heard singing " Charley Mount " 
 without, then enters, L. E., with a small keg of whiskey 
 and a shillelagh. 
 
 Song. Air, " Charley Mount." 
 
 Oh, Charley Mount is a pretty place as you'd ever wish 
 
 to see, 
 But not half so dear as my water cave is that pleasant 
 
 place to me ; 
 
 It's so cool and so convanient for the making of whis-key, 
 For lending it its greatest charm is my small dlstilleree. 
 
 MILES. Behold in me that happy, ragged rogue, 
 
 The stock stage Irishman without the brogue. 
 
 To manufacture which, this will you'll see 
 
 Turn out a never failing recipe. 
 
 He must have lightish hair, extremely curly, 
 
 His teeth must be particularly pearly, 
 
 Because he shows them all whene'er he grins ; 
 
 Dilapidated hose must veil his shins ; 
 
 Not having shaved, he must be blackish muzzled, 
 
 And this must be his attitude when puzzled. 
 
 (striking the stock attitude of the puzzled stage 
 
 Paddy, with his right hand in his hair] 
 On symptoms of a row the most remote, 
 He must insist on taking off his coat. 
 
 B 
 
14 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. n. 
 
 The stock remark of a dramatic Pat 
 
 Must be when vexed at all " Get out of that!" 
 
 Though " Arrah" must of all his observations 
 
 The arra root be of his conversations, 
 
 Now, having caught your Irish hare, with fun 
 
 He must be highly seasoned, and then done 
 
 By a brisk rapid fire of jokes the taste 
 
 Depend will on the nature of the baste ; 
 
 The very sharpest sauce lay on him thickly, 
 
 Garnish him well with writs, and " serve him" quickly. 
 
 Alas ! upon this heart Fate's hung its hatchment, 
 
 I'm prey to an unfortunate attachment. 
 
 . " Billy Patterson." 
 Now kind folks, listen to the song 
 
 Of poor Miles na Coppaleen, 
 I'll soon get it over, and not detain,you long. 
 
 She did sell me, she did sell me ; 
 Eily, such conduct on your part was wrong, 
 To poor Miles na Coppaleen ; 
 Unkind indeed you've been, 
 To Miles na Coppaleen ; 
 I really think that I 
 Will go and do a die ; 
 
 And having left my goods to Eily in my will, 
 Go blow myself to atoms, with my old whiskey still. 
 
 (places the keg, c., and walks round it in the manner 
 of clog dancers-~sits, c.) 
 
 Music. COBRKJAN rushes on in a rage, R. 1 E. 
 
 COREL Foiled, swindled, beaten, trampled on, by Jove ! 
 
 My threats derided, and likewise my love ; 
 
 Oh ! I could punch my head. 
 MILES, (seated on keg, up L. c.) Allow me, 
 COREL Miles ! 
 
 Behold, sir, that most elegant of tiles 
 
 Crushed -, at the same time all my young affections. 
 
 Oh! Oh! In short, all sorts of interjections. 
 
 I was knocked over on the ground quite flat. 
 MILES. Gracious ! Who could lay down the law like that? 
 
sc. ii.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 15 
 
 GORKI. Young Cregan. But he shall repent the blow. 
 (observing the barrel] What's in that keg, you've 
 
 there, sir? let me know; 
 Come, sir, reply. I'll tap it, if I'm goaded. 
 MILES, (grinning) You'd best take care that single 
 
 barrel's loaded. 
 
 CORRI. Loaded with lawless liquor, I'll maintain. 
 MILES. It's only some illicit-still champagne. 
 CORRI. (aside] 1 fear from him I shan't illicit much; 
 
 (brings MILES down] It strikes me, Miles, that you 
 
 don't often touch 
 
 That very filthy dross, termed lucre say. 
 MILES. Now, do I look as if I did, sir, eh ? 
 ~)ORRI. Now, Pat, if you'd earn all that's there you shall. 
 MILES. You're a pat-ern-al individual ; 
 
 Good as a father to me the conditions ? 
 
 [JORRI. Well, then, the fact is, I have my suspicions 
 
 MILES, (aside) And very many other people's, too. 
 That Master Hardress Cregan means to do 
 An act, to say the least, which isn't Cummy 
 Fo ; I suspect, by gum, he means bigummy I 
 That's if he's married to this Eily. 
 
 (MILES fiercely seizes Mm by the throat] 
 
 MILES. What? 
 
 I'll shake the teeth down your vile throat the lot ; 
 
 And if they kill you, that is, stop your breath, 
 
 The verdict will be acci- dental death. 
 
 You're used to lie, so try another lay; (throws him 
 
 down flat) 
 >ORRI. (sitting up) I'm altogether in luck's way to-day ; 
 
 My plan's upset, together with myself, (rises) 
 
 However, if you should require the pelf, 
 
 There's my address, (gives card coaxingly) Come, 
 Miles, before you go, 
 
 My purse, if you will tell me all you know. 
 MILES. A lawyer's purse. Oh, terrible temptation ! 
 
 (takes him by the arm as if about to communicate 
 
 something important) 
 Open your ears. 
 CORRI. (aside, delighted) Now for some information ! 
 
16 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. in. 
 
 Song. " The Young Man from the Country." 
 
 MILES. No doubt you, Mr. Corrigan, 
 
 Imagine that you see 
 A mere provincial idiot, 
 
 A poor sillee billee. 
 But been to the metropolis, 
 
 Has Miles na Coppaleen ; 
 Though this song's sung at Evans's, 
 
 I am no Paddy-green. 
 I'm a young man from the country, 
 
 But you'll find I'm all serene. 
 
 No doubt you'd like to hear about 
 
 The beautiful Eilee ; 
 But I, sir, cannot gratify 
 
 Your curiosity. 
 If you go out to Muckross Head, 
 
 You'll see what you shall see ; 
 I'm a poor lad from the country, 
 
 But you don't get over me. 
 
 Exeunt MILES, L., and CORRIGAN, R. 
 
 SCENE THIRD. Interior of the Cottage at Muckross Head, 
 arranged as nearly as possible like the Adelphi Scene. 
 Large fireplace, R., with transparent log fire, table, two 
 chairs, long settle, R., red cloak and bonnet, coarse bib 
 apron hung up. 
 
 Music. EILY discovered watching for HARDRESS at back. 
 
 EILY. I cannot see my spouse, my love, my life ! 
 This is a bright a look-out" for a young wife; 
 He's past his usual hour, he was the last time ; 
 It's plain that he looks on me as his past-time. 
 Indeed, I've noticed lately gradu-ally, 
 He's getting to think me of little valley; 
 When first he vowed he loved me he did say, 
 I was the sort of girl quite in his way, 
 But now so anxious he's our bond to sever, 
 I feel I'm much more in his way than ever. 
 Once on a time he worshipped my bright tresses, 
 When Hardress first did pay me his hard-dresses ; 
 
sa in.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 17 
 
 Then he declared he loved my eyes of blue, 
 
 And that my hair was just his favourite hue. 
 
 But now his admiration for it ceases ; 
 
 He's changed his key, and picks my locks to pieces, 
 
 Nothing I ever do remotely pleases him, 
 
 He seldom comes to tea because I teases hi 
 
 He says my grammar's faulty, and declare* 
 
 I drops about my H.'s everywheres. 
 
 He comes and when with happy hours before us, 
 
 I murmur " Shades of evening close not o'er us," 
 
 My hint and neat quotation doesn't tell, 
 
 For he says "Eily, beauty, fare thee well." 
 
 Song. " Pretty Girl Milking her Cow." 
 
 He" liked once, he said, my society, 
 
 My grammar, he noticed not then, 
 But I hear the expression variety, 
 
 Is oft in the mouths of young men. 
 P'raps he found that i grew melanchol-y too, 
 
 And regrets his absurd marriage vow, 
 And prefers to see one who looks jolly to 
 
 A pretty girl wrinkling her brow. 
 
 Song. " Rosalie the Prarie Flower. 11 
 
 Once he said he loved me, 
 
 Dearer than his life, 
 I wish I'd never known the hour; 
 
 He said " Dear, we'll exist in 
 (When we're man and wife) 
 
 So cozilee, a fairy bower, 
 Milking of cows, and 
 
 Churning' s my trade, 
 ; Cheeses a thousand, 
 
 At least, I've made, 
 Rivals knit their brows, and 
 
 Called I'm by each blade, 
 That Rose Eily the dairy flower. 
 
 Enter HARDRESS, c./rom L. 
 
 HARD.. (L.) My dear Colleen, (aside) So dirty, I've never 
 
 seen her. 
 (aloud) You certainly might keep yourself col-leaner. 
 
18 EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. m. 
 
 EILY. (R.) I have to scrub the floor, to wash the plates, 
 
 To dust the furniture, black lead the grates, 
 
 Clean all the boots, the numerous errands run, 
 
 And Fin so knocked up when my day's work done, 
 
 That, love, my appetite's not what it might be, 
 
 And 1 must necessarily a sight be. 
 
 This overwork is why, my dearest hubby, 
 
 I'm a small eater and a little grubby. 
 HARD. My wife scrub floors, upon all fours so flat, 
 
 Gracious, to think she should come down to that ! 
 EILY. Sometimes my knees -so tired are, it's no sin 
 
 To wish I had my knees within mine inn. 
 
 (singing -, out of tune) Oh, Min-knee, dear Min-knee ! 
 HARD. Oh, pray do not howl out of tune like that. 
 EILY. I'm a great fool ! 
 HARD. Yes, and a little flat. 
 
 EILY. Well, if I am a great fool, let me mention 
 
 HARD. You should be grate-fool for my condescension. 
 
 Pray think how I've demeaned myself, Colleen ! 
 EILY. How you've demeaned yourself! Why, what 
 de-mean f 
 
 What is the reason 
 
 HARD. Don't continue teazin, 
 
 You are the excessively plain reason. 
 EILY. I see it all, you wish to leave me ? 
 HARD. Yes ! 
 
 I wish to leave you, Eily, I confess. 
 EILY, Though my poor heart it pierces like a shot, 
 
 Why die and leave me everything you've got! 
 
 (with real self-sacrifice) You then shall never hear 
 
 a murmur more. 
 HARD. It's strange I never thought of that before ; 
 
 Exactly die, and leave you all I've got ; 
 
 Yet, on the whole, perhaps, it's scarcely what 
 
 'Twas my intention to convey you see 
 
 I made a mesalliance. 
 
 EILY. Ah ! who's he ? 
 
 HARD, (aside) Her ignorance is irritating ; well 
 
 I'm what is commonly now termed a u swell." 
 EILY. Yes, and though Eily you've of late neglected, 
 
 Each day you are as swell as is expected. 
 
SC. III.] MISS EILY O'CONNOE. 19 
 
 HARD. Gracious, what grammar! why, my dear, your friends 
 
 Are very low, and you scarce make amends 
 
 For relatives, who all so fond are drink of, 
 
 And antecedents it don't do to think of. 
 EILY. You never for a moment, sure, expected 
 
 Eiiy O'Connor was ighly (0) Connor-ected. 
 HARD. I really don't know, Eily, who you are, 
 
 (aside) Don't know her father Je ne Connor pa ! 
 
 (aloud] Anne Chute, who loves me to distraction, wears 
 
 Hibernian graces sings Italian airs, 
 
 And like Carlotta Grisi dances 
 
 EILY. Easy 
 
 Oh, I've no doubt you thin& a lot 6* GrisL 
 
 (going towards MR. TULLY threateningly) 
 
 If in Italian I am such a dunce, 
 
 Oh, let me go to hit Tully at once. 
 
 My heart's so heavy, don't be an obstructor, 
 
 It would be lightning, to strike that conductor. 
 HARD. Pray don't give way, but pity my condition, 
 
 I am a beggar, list to my petition. 
 
 Medley. Concerted Piece. u / should like to marry. 11 
 HARD. I should like to marry, 
 
 That is, if I can, 
 A superb young lady, 
 
 Which her name is Anne. 
 With feeling, and with fancy 
 
 She sings can likewise play, 
 EILY. (with concentrated rage] " I wish I was with Nancy," 
 
 As little street boys say. 
 Oh, boy, you play Old Harry 
 
 With my feelings can 
 You wish Anne Chute to marry ? 
 Oh, you bad young man ! 
 
 Air." Over the Sea." 
 HARD. Hand Over to me, 
 
 Over to me, 
 
 Your marriage lines, love, immediately, (pause) 
 EILY. No! 'twould be 
 
 Felo de se, 
 This female don't see it. Go 'long ! 
 
20 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [so. lir. 
 
 HARD. Then they'll march, march, march 
 
 Me to jail sure as a 
 Gun : rat I'm poor as a, 
 Parch, parch, parch, 
 
 My throat does Heigho ! 
 
 EILY. (agonizedly] Oh, dear me, 
 (producing her certificate) No, no, Eil-ee 
 
 Loves you you'll see, 
 Here is our marriage certificate. 
 Off will I flee 
 To Ameri-ee, 
 Kamschatka, or else to Hongkong. 
 
 As HARDRESS snatches the certificate, MILES enters, L.C., 
 and comes slowly down. 
 
 Air." The Tank." 
 
 MILES, (c.) Stop now ! Drop now 
 
 That marriage certificate. 
 
 EILY. (R.) Gracious me! A dreadful row I think there'll be. 
 
 MILES, (c.) Or, sir floor, sir, 
 
 You I must, and spiflieate 
 Every feature in your physiognomy. 
 
 HARD. (R.) (with great scorn) That rhyme's imperfect. 
 
 MILES. But you'll find the reasoning 
 Striking and convincing, 
 You'll be wincing, for you'll see 
 Your coat, though spicy, is tasteless to the seasoning, 
 'Twill now get : you're a mess in 
 Which confessin' soon you'll be. 
 
 OMNES. Stop now drop now, &c., &c., &c. 
 
 (MILES taking EILY'S hand, and bringing her round) 
 
 Air. " CruisJceen Lawn." 
 
 MILES. Now, I'd bet a thousand pounds 
 
 That your house and pleasure grounds ; 
 
 You'd gladly sell at once, and pawn 
 All your rich old family plate, 
 Eor to obsquatulate 
 
 With this smiling little Colleen Bawn ; 
 
fclC. III.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 21 
 
 Oh, grammacliree ma cushla, 
 Slanta gal, mavourneen, 
 Though its meaning isn't clear as dawn. 
 ALL. Oh, grammachree ma cushla, &c., &c. 
 
 EILY. Oh, it's very hard indeed, 
 
 That because I cannot read, 
 
 My heart in two should thus be sawn ; 
 
 And also thus be chizzled, 
 
 All your fond affection's mizzled ; 
 
 I'm a sadly treated Colleen Bawn. 
 Bad grammar Cre-gan shouldn't 
 Supplant a gal it wouldn't, 
 
 If Eily had been highly born. 
 ALL. Oh, grammachree, &c., &c. 
 
 HARD. Enough ! I quite perceive that I'm de trop, 
 
 So I shall leave, (going) 
 
 EILY. This is a pretty go. 
 
 MILES, (loftily] Go, sir, this roof though humble, shelters 
 
 virtue. 
 HARD. Dog! 
 
 MILES. Don't repeat that phrase or I might hurt you. 
 The harsh term u dog" your wife and I forgive f 
 Supported by my baric no doubt she'll live. 
 
 (EiLY weeps on MILES' s shoulder) 
 MILES. Don't hang your head come, come, don't be 
 
 absurd ; 
 
 Keep up your pecker "cheer up," like a bird. 
 EILY. (in schoolgirl tones to HARDRESS over MILES' s 
 
 shoulder) 
 Go, to your gay and festive scenes, your halls of dazzling 
 
 light; 
 
 Eat, drink, your fill may good digestion wait on appetite ; 
 Go, go, and join the mazy throng most sumptuously fare it, 
 And as my constitution's strong, I'll try to grin and bear it. 
 MILES, (half crying) Fol-de-rol-de-dol-de-riddle-dol. 
 
 Fol-de- rol-de-dol-de-day. 
 EILY. And mister Cregan that is all 
 
 As I have got to say. 
 HABD. , (after struggling with his feelings) Farewell ! 
 
 (rushing outj L. c. 
 
22 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. in. 
 
 EILY. (bursting frantically from MILES) 
 
 He's gone ! He's gone ! Ha, ha! he's gone ! he's gone ! 
 (sinks on a chair, R., on which she has left a stocking 
 
 in process of mending) 
 Oh! agony! What's this I'm sitting on? 
 
 (clutching the work) 
 
 This is a pretty piece of work, Miles, this is ! 
 Hardress to go and leave his lawful misses. 
 
 L" Lucia." 
 
 EILY. What, Hardress left ! Oh, I'm bereft 
 
 Of all my hope and joy ; 
 My heart in twain by this is cleft, 
 
 He is a heartless boy ! 
 MILES. Ill go and punch his noble nob> 
 
 I'll stretch him on the floor ! 
 Why did the villain go and rob 
 Poor Miles of Miss Con-nor ? 
 
 EILY sinks on chair, R.C. MILES rushes off at openmg, 
 L. c. Change of Music DANNY MANN enters, L. c t> 
 rather drunk from strveL 
 
 Air. DANNY MANN. " So ectrly in t?ie Morning" 
 
 I've had a drop of something short, 
 And quite feel as I didn't ought, 
 Like those who, with unsteady pin, 
 The material milk go in 
 
 With early in the morning, 
 So early in the morning, 
 Before the break of day. 
 DAN, (aside) My heart sinks when I think I've got ta 
 
 drown her, 
 
 And make of her a subject for the Orowner. 
 I've tried to drown remorse in alcohol, I 
 Find I'm the more I drink more melancholy. 
 (aloud) Eily ! I've got a message from your spouse* 
 EILY. (rising) After our worst of matrimonial rows. 
 DAN. (L.) He says, as his remarks were very "low,'* 
 He hopes that you'll look over 'em you know ; 
 
sc. iv,] MISS EILY O'CONNOR, 23 
 
 And also, that you'll not refuse to come 
 And meet him 
 
 EILY. Where ? 
 
 DAN. Just down the river, mum. 
 
 Where with white-bait, and over claret cup, 
 He trusts that you and he may make it up. 
 
 EILY. White-bait ! I love 'em ; claret cup, I'll come ! 
 
 DAN. (aside) I feel my limbs all numb. 
 
 EILY. Oh! num! num! num! 
 
 Let's go at once. 
 
 DAN. (hesitating) Why why w 
 
 EILY. Come, don't stutter : 
 
 Oh ! for the lemon, and brown bread and butter ; 
 The snowy table cloth, the dapper waiters, 
 Smart as the rightful heirs " at the theaytres ;" 
 The broad bow windows, and the steamers passing, 
 Champagne continually pour'd your glass in ; 
 The effervescent, or delicious still, 
 
 The calm the coffee 
 
 (EiLY goes up, and puts on her red cloak and bonnet) 
 
 DAN. And the little bill. 
 
 Duet. " Garry owen" 
 DAN. Come along, my dear Eily, 
 
 Or else we'll be late ; 
 EILY. I'm devoted to Hardress > 
 
 Allow me to state. 
 DAN. And you're not blind, 
 
 My dear, to the charms of white-bait, 
 EILY. And a snug little dinner 
 
 Alone, tete-a-tete. 
 I never will be angry more, 
 Of course, my grammar is a bore ; 
 Why did he not say so, before 
 He married poor Eily O'Connor. 
 (dance to symphony closed in change of Scene) 
 
 SCENE FOURTH. Exterior of Miles' s Illicit Distillery 
 Cottage, 1st wing, R. 
 
 Enter MILES, L., 
 
 MILES. Well, here's my bachelor's unpleasant quarters, 
 Over agc^inst the river's placid waters, 
 
24 MISS EILY O'CONNOR, '[BC. IT, 
 
 The people round about say that they hear 
 Strange noises, and they're frightened, it sounds 
 
 queer ; 
 
 But that which doth with apprehension fill, 
 The folks is not the nmse no it's the still. 
 Secure in there (pointing to cot] I keep my kegs of 
 
 whiskey ; 
 
 To open the front portal I use this key, 
 The other entrance, down there by the river, 
 No one has ever managed to diskiver. 
 Besides, it don't require a lock and key, 
 Because the river's full of Chub's, you see. 
 
 Song. Air, " Peter Gray" 
 
 Fm an unfortunate young man, 
 
 I think Fin getting grey, 
 My love is blind, my figure in 
 
 My best in vain I array. 
 My best, &c. 
 I repeat, I 
 
 Am becoming grey, 
 This luckless rural laddie, oh, 
 
 Has truly had his day. 
 
 Air." Aunt Sally" 
 
 I seek my old haunts sadly, 
 My life's without an aim, 
 For Eily's used me badly, 
 
 She of my love makes game ; 
 Fve took to whiskey brewin' 
 
 And drinking it al-so, 
 I'm going to my ruin 
 As fast as I can go. 
 
 Heigho, hi ! what a rollicking lad am I, 
 
 To every move upon the board, 
 This Irish Miles is fly. 
 
 I think I'll go to Londin, 
 
 Yes, take a foreign tour, 
 See Leotard and Blondin, 
 
 Likewise the Perfect Cure; 
 
sc. v.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 25 
 
 Also the great Gorilla 
 
 From foreign climates borne, 
 That flash noble man-killer 
 That now is so much worn. 
 
 Heigho, hi ! what a rollicking, &c. 
 
 Exit into cottage, u. 
 
 SCENE FIFTH. The Water Cave. 
 
 Music. MILES appears on rock, R. 
 MILES. Here, in cool grot, where no one e'er doth peer in, 
 I feel I'm out of Ireland, and of Erin; 
 To cross to my abode, a hint I take 
 From Leotard and of a rope and stake 
 ; Have manufactured a trapeze ; I'll wager 
 A trifle this would puzzle any guager. 
 
 (seizes the rope and crosses the water, d la Leotard 
 
 to rock, L.) 
 
 There! What was that? An otter, p'raps. Holloa! 
 A voice? Imagination, may be no 
 Ripple doth stir the water all is quiet ; 
 I wish there was an otter to let fly at ; 
 Whene'er I catch one, I think it no sin 
 To take it from its kith, and sell its skin. 
 Holloa, out there ! Is anybody nigh ? 
 Not a rip-pie I pause for a ripple -#. 
 Now to go down to my secure distillery, 
 And look after my il-licit artillery ; 
 When I approach my home, I can't help feeling 
 Love for the still so gently o'er me stealing. .. 
 (Music. MILES retires from, rock, R. a boat from 
 R. 2 E., with DANNY rowing, and EILY, pale, and 
 in a state of alarm, comes on when the boat 
 comes to the centre, it bumps against a rock, and 
 nearly jerks EILY out] 
 EILY. What is this place? Speak it looks very gloomy; 
 
 Where are we ? Pray speak to me ain't it tomby ? 
 DAN. (wildly) Ha, ha! 
 EILY.. Don't laugh like Mr. N. T. Hicks 
 
 When he's about to have a fight with six ; 
 This is no place for white bait, one can see 
 It isn't capable of shrimps and tea. 
 
26 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc.v. 
 
 DAN. You mind your steering. 
 
 EILY. Steering? What's the use, 
 
 If you don't pull your skulls, you silly goose? (howls) 
 DAN. Don't make a great cry about a little wool, 
 
 I'm pulling. 
 EILY. Praps but " I don't see the pull;" 
 
 You're what I call a u bad egg" and gainst me 
 
 You're hatching some most foul conspiracy. 
 DAN. Fowl? I can't pull it miserable wight! 
 
 (fiercely] Come, no " egg sauce," for I'm egsausted quite. 
 EILY. Beneath the flood, it seems to me, you try 
 
 To wash us, for you hold your skull awry. 
 DAN. Wash us and skull-ry. 
 EILY. You deserve a switching ; 
 
 Mind, or from blows, you' 11 soon find your back-itching; 
 
 Mind where you're going, Danny, gracious why, 
 
 You used to have a most unerring eye ; 
 DAN. It is un-erring still but then you know 
 
 That this is an excessively hard-row ; 
 
 And talking of hard-roes reminds me 
 
 EILY. Yes. 
 
 DAN. That I've on business come, from young Hard-ress\ 
 
 That you may better bear this bitter shock, 
 
 Suppose you step upon this bit o'rock. (gets on roc&,c.) 
 
 Come from the boat, my dear, 
 
 EILY. I shan't that's flat. 
 
 DAN. Now, literally girl, " Come out of that." 
 EILY. Mind, I'm not weak. 
 
 DAN. Now, Eily, come along ; 
 
 EILY. And when I do come out, I come out strong. 
 
 (DANNY hands her on to the rock, c. the boat goes 
 
 off of its own accord, R.) 
 DAN. Oh, honour; 
 
 EILY. Ah, well, I must own I doubt you. 
 
 DAN. (insinuatingly) Pray, have you got your marriage 
 
 lines about you ? 
 EILY. Rather. 
 
 DAN. (severely) List, girl ! No one can hear you if you roar, 
 
 That two-oar 1 d skiff floats off to-wards the shore ; 
 
 Hem ! Your certificate I'm anxious for : 
 
 Scream not, or else the water drowns your din, 
 
 Don't put me out, or I must put you in. 
 
SC. V.] MISS EILY O'CONNOK. 27 
 
 EILY. (after a pause, shrieks) Police! I know a member 
 of the corps, 
 
 A One! 
 DAN. Ha ! ha I you should have called B Four. 
 
 Your marriage lines ! 
 
 EILY. ( falling on her knees) No, no, your words repeal ! 
 DAN. I only said the lines don't want a kneel; 
 EILY. (rising fiercely) A kneel ! in brogue it would be 
 pronounced a nail, 
 
 Of which I've ten, and never known 'em fail; 
 
 In me you'll find you've come across your match, 
 
 You'll soon discover that your wig's a scratch. 
 
 Your face, my friend, you'll see (it's an Old Bailey'un) 
 
 That although I'm a native, I'm a naily 'un. 
 DAN. Away compunction, all this trifling cease ; 
 
 Go in. 
 
 EILY. As I observed before Police ! (sinks) 
 
 DAN. Gracious, it's over without any din, 
 
 How very smoothly the poor gal went in ; 
 
 To make a pun, which should be groaned at vilely, 
 
 She slipped in smoothly, p'raps because she's iley. 
 
 I didn't think at all that she'd give way so. 
 EILY. (rising) I say you know if you're in fun, just 
 
 f say so ; 
 
 I'm not one of those fortunate young woman, 
 
 Who've been instructed in the art of swimming ; 
 
 Hardress could never mean to take my life ; 
 
 A nice way to " throw over" a young wife. 
 DAN. He set his life upon a cast, 
 EILY. And I 
 
 Shall have to stand the hazard of the die ; 
 
 If it's a joke a hapless wife to drown, 
 
 I don't think it's a joke that should 
 DAN. Go down ! 
 
 (pushes her into the water) 
 
 Once more she's sunk like any lump of lead ! 
 EILY. (rising) There's such a cold a cubbing in by head. 
 DAN. (wildly) Away! (pushes her off again into the water) 
 I am the wretchedest of men ; 
 
 But now it's over. 
 
 EILY. (rising provokingly, in the manner of a clown) 
 Here we are again ! 
 
28 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. v. 
 
 Duet. u Sally, come up." 
 
 EILY. When Hardress comes the news to hear, 
 He will avenge me, never fear, 
 For giving me this wat'ry bier. 
 I'm sinking gradu-ally. 
 
 No no. Oth el - 
 Lo e'er so mel- 
 Ancholy could be 
 As Hardress you see 
 
 Will become when he thinks on my wally. 
 DAN. Eily! come up ! 
 
 Eily ! go down ! 
 
 EILY. Well, if I do I'm safe to drown, (sinks) 
 
 DAN. She's done for now, I'll lay a crown. 
 
 (report and flash ofgun,L, ; DANNY stands transfixed pause) 
 Some one's shot me right through the middle. 
 
 (falls into the water) 
 
 MILES appears on rock, L. 
 
 MILES. Whatever that was I shot him, or shot her; 
 I rather fancy that I hit a hotter. 
 (seizes rope, and re-crosses the water, as before to R.) 
 (onrock, R.) Upon that stone, with summer heat opprest, 
 The otters, to get cooler, sit and rest. 
 (feeling in the water from rock, R.) My! it's the 
 
 biggest one I ever shot. 
 
 Murder in Irish ! Why, what's this I've got? 
 This ain't an otther ! Gracious, it's a gal ! 
 That's quite an other kind of aniwiaZ. 
 (raises EILY from the water] What, Eily ! ope your 
 
 eyes how came you here ? 
 Open your eyelid, dear my Eily dear ! 
 
 (EiLY opens one eye, and sneezes violently MILES 
 
 lets her go -she sinks) 
 
 Oh, philliloo ! She's sunk beneath the wave. 
 And what a cold she's got! Oh, well, to save 
 That sweet divinity 1 s dear life to-day, 
 Why a dive in it is the only way ; 
 Though, if she lives, I ne'er can hope to wed her, 
 Still I can take the grand sensation " header." 
 
 (dives doivn) 
 
sc. vi.] MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 
 
 t. The Cure. 
 
 (during this EILY and MILES appear through the 
 water, bobbing up and down, as if in the attempt 
 to see each other They dive down to symphony, 
 and re-appear in different parts of the Scene) 
 MILES, (c. trap) Good gracious, dear, 
 
 Where are you ? 
 
 EILY. (R. trap) Here! 
 
 MILES. I think I can get to her. 
 EILY. You best of men - (sinks) 
 
 MILES. She's " down again ;" 
 
 Myself I will immure, (dives) 
 EILY (c. trap) Where has he gone ? 
 
 I reckoned on 
 My being saved as sure. 
 Of proverbs fust 
 Is u man don't trust" 
 There never was a truer, (sinks) 
 MILES, (rising c. trap] Her I don't see ; 
 
 Good gracious me ! 
 Is this illusion pure ? 
 
 She sinks from view 
 Like syrens, who 
 Young men used to allure. 
 
 (EiLY rises close to MILES he clutches her in his arms] 
 She's saved at last, 
 I've got her fast, 
 
 Some warm " potheen" I'll brew her ; 
 For whiskey hot 
 I know is what 
 Will work a perfect cure. 
 
 (Picture closed in by] 
 
 SCENE SIXTH. (Same as Scene Fourth.} 
 
 Music CORRIGAN rushes on from L. SERGEANT O'Too- 
 RALOORAL " an active and intelligent Officer" with his 
 POLICEMEN, all hideous fellows. 
 
 CORRI. TlTis is a slice of luck to think that I 
 "Stopping at Danny's cottage just to dry 
 Myself, should hear the vagabond's confession : 
 Won't we astonish the entire procession. 
 
30 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. TI. 
 
 Sergeant O'Too-ra-loo-ral I 
 
 BERG. Sir ! 
 
 GORKI. Be wary, 
 
 Say Can we trust you, bold constabu-lary ? 
 
 SERG. Trust, noble sir? Can you discern the traces 
 Of aught dishonest in those open faces ? 
 Behold their flashing eyes, their eager looks, 
 Forgetting, for the time, their favourite cooks ; 
 Behold ! Ambition swells each bosom's lord, 
 With thoughts of glory, and of the reward ! 
 None there 'd disgrace his uniform and button ; 
 The charms of the proverbial leg of mutton 
 Even the blandishments of beer or beauty 
 Would fail to tempt my peelers from their duty ! 
 In fact, the mere suspicion raises here 
 Perhaps, sir, you'll excuse a manly tear. 
 
 (wipes away a tear) 
 
 COREL Don't weep, my Tooralooral dry your eyes ! 
 Think of the prize, sir, and the great sur-prize 
 That we've in store, for, as before I said, 
 I have placed twenty pounds upon his head ! 
 
 SERG. But twenty pounds upon his head what's that ? 
 I only wish you had to wear this hat. 
 
 Duet.-" West Country Ditty: 9 
 CORRI. Sergeant O'Tooral 
 Ooral, follow me, 
 With all your rural 
 Con-stab-u-laree, 
 
 We will astonish this matrimonial fete, oh, 
 Drop down upon them just like a hot potato. 
 SERG. Count on each arm and truncheon ! 
 All there are prime at punchin' 
 Heads ; we'll pop in to luncheon 
 
 Unexpectedlee. 
 
 CORRI. Quick, me your leader, foller, 
 And be prepared to collar 
 Young Cre-gan 
 SERG. " Never holler," 
 
 Leave it all to me. 
 
 CORRIGAN and SERGEANT go off, R., mfaferiousty 
 to piano symphony all the POLICEMEN uith the 
 
SC, VII.] MISS EILY (^CONNOR. 31 
 
 exception of one who has fall-en asleep, follow, 
 stepping to the time of the music the one POLICE- 
 MAN being left alone, wakes up with a loud note 
 on the trombone, and rushes off on the wrong side. 
 
 SCENE LAST. Castle Chute the Reception Hall, bril- 
 liantly lighted entrance from raised platform, and 
 steps, c. 
 
 Music. Enter the BRIDESMAIDS, L. 1 E., with their right 
 arms extended after the manner of tlie Opera chorus. 
 
 Chorus. 
 TOADIES. Joy, joy, joy ! happy day, happy day ! oh, joy ! 
 
 Enter the GENTLEMEN, R. 1 E., with their left arms ex- 
 
 tended in the same manner. 
 GENTLEMEN. Joy, joy, joy! happy day, happy day! oh, 
 
 (the Operatic Chorus turns into an Irish jiff, which 
 
 the guests dance, at the conclusion, drawing 
 
 'back into two lines ; down the avenue thus 
 
 /&rmed MRS. CREGAN enters, c., grandly 
 
 dressed, marching (to the Wedding March) 
 
 with tragedy-queen strides, then ANN CHUTE 
 
 and HARDRESS follow, and KYRLE DALY, 
 
 with his eyes red with weeping, comes last. 
 
 HARD, (to ANNE) Oh, happy day! as sings the Opera 
 
 Chora s, 
 
 Let's hope we've many such, my dear, before us. 
 (aside) Heigho ! 
 ANNE, (aside) Heigho! 
 
 KYRLE. (aside) Heigho ! 
 
 MRS. C. (aside) The groom and bride, 
 
 And groomsman, too, they all three sighed aside. 
 (to HARDRESS) In this way don't heigho, absurd 
 
 young man, 
 
 Eemember what / howe to Corrigan. 
 ANNE, (to KYRLE) What are you crying at? 
 KYRLE. The tears will flow, 
 
 To think that you're a going for to go 
 - To marry Hardress Cregan oh, oh, oh ! 
 Of tears within this miserable head 
 I have a little store, and little shed. 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. vn. 
 
 ANNE. Go up to " Muckross Head," and see your Eily ; 
 
 Kyrle Daly, I have done with you enti-ly. 
 MRS. C. (to HARDRESS) Now, sir, your signature. 
 
 . (going to table, L.) 
 
 HARD, (signing) There's mine, (handing pen to ANNE) 
 KYRLE. (to ANNE as she goes] Think what you do ! 
 ANNE, (with pen in hand) I fear that I shall drop. 
 
 MRS. C. (aside) She signs we're saved ! 
 HARD, (aside) She thinks about it 
 
 (CORRIGAN has entered from c. unperceived now 
 
 seizes the paper) 
 
 CORRI - Stop ! 
 
 (consternation and chord, all get to places KYRLE, 
 ANNE, HARDRESS, R. -MRS. CKEGAN, c. CORRI- 
 GAN, LADIES, table, L.) 
 This marriage don't proceed! 
 
 MRS. C. What do you mean ? 
 
 CORRI. Of course you've heard what's come to the Colleen. 
 (MRS. ^CREGAN is strongly agitated, and leans 
 
 against HARDRESS^ 
 ANNE, (speaking at KYRLE) At last we shall your perfidy 
 
 discover. 
 
 CORRI. She's been chucked in the river by her lover ! 
 ALL. Oh! 
 CORRI. Though not found drowned herself, some clothes 
 
 we've got 
 
 Of hers which were found round about the spot. 
 ANNE. (R., pushing KYRLE forward) Seize him! Oh, after 
 
 after all your vows and letters ; 
 How I could comb your hair! (to SERG.) produce 
 
 your fetters ; 
 
 Your heaviest he's strong as are some lions. 
 KYRLE. Fetters ! You wouldn't see your Kyrle in irons f 
 
 (weeps) 
 
 CORRI. Lions ! Ha, ha ! 
 
 SERG. He howls as if in pain. 
 
 This lion is a turning on the main. 
 He's not the prisoner at all. 
 KYRLE. Oh, joy! 
 
 MRS. C. Who is the guilty party, then ? 
 CORRI. (maliciously) Your boy. 
 
 (ANNE falls against KYRLE MRS. C. against HARD.) 
 
sc. YJI.J MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 33 
 
 HARD. I drown the Colleen Bawn ! my wife ! 
 
 ANNE, (reviving] Holloa! 
 
 I think you said your wife. 
 
 GORKI. (L.) Precisely so. 
 
 KYRLE. (R.) Idiot to thus decline "wife" in the plural; 
 CORRI. Your duty do, Sergeant O'Tooralooral ; 
 Behold your prisoner ! handcuff him. 
 
 (SERGEANT comes down with handcuffs, L.) 
 
 MRS. C. (standing before HARDRESS) Do ! 
 
 I may be bold, but I'll warm ^-and cuff you. 
 HARD. Fortune has showered on me her rebuffs ; 
 
 1 Stead of Anne Chute, I've only got 'and-cuffs. 
 ANNE, (stepping forward, K.) Ladies, if you've one spark 
 
 of courage left 
 
 Of Irish pluck, if you're not quite bereft, 
 Form Crinoline ! (the LADIES stand in a row] 
 
 Dress ! Good ! surround that youth 
 
 CORRI. I'm getting rather nervous, that's the truth. 
 
 (they form a sort of square, R. c., kneeling, with 
 their fans open HARDRESS stands in the middle 
 Picture. When the air of "The Cure" is 
 heard, piano, all the characters stand in attitude 
 of great surprise] 
 
 Concerted Piece. " The Cure. 1 ' 
 
 HARD, (dancing) What sounds are those that break upon 
 
 mine ear in tones so wild ? 
 
 MRS. C. (dancing) Oh ! something tells me that I shan't 
 be parted from my child. 
 
 (a FOOTMAN dances on to c. from L.) 
 FOOTMAN, (dancing] Oh ! if you please, there is a gent 
 
 and lady at the door. 
 HARD. Then go and show them in at once that man's 
 
 a perfect boor. 
 ALL. (jumping) A boor ! a boor ! a boor ! &c. &c. &c. 
 
 Exit, FOOTMAN, L. jumping. 
 
 Enter MILES, dancing from L., and down c. 
 
 MILES. A kind good morrow, ladies all, 
 
 And gentlemen as well ; 
 To aid the wedding peal, I've brought 
 Another marriage belle. 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR. [sc. vn. 
 
 Oh, please look on her kindly, 
 
 For she's virtuous, though poor. 
 HARD. Good gracious me who can it be ? 
 
 Enter EILY dancing from L., and down c. 
 EILY. ^ Why, Eily, to be sure ! 
 
 ALL. (dancing] Oh sure ! oh sure ! oh sure ! &c. &c. &c. 
 
 (stop dancing] 
 HARD. (R. a) Returned? 
 
 MRS. C. (L c i.) Like a bad shilling-very strange. 
 
 EILY. (c.) I love you still bad shillings never change ! 
 MILES (L.O/EILY) What, Eily a bad shilling, no such thing'; 
 
 bhe s good and you may know that by the ring, 
 (to HARD) Oh, take her to your arms, and don't be shy ; 
 Don't be at all uneasy she's quite dry. 
 
 CoRRi.(L.)Twowivesyou'llhave, thanks to this new arrival- 
 Well, this is a most wonderful rewival 
 
 v (HARDRESS and EILY embrace) 
 
 KYRLE. (R,) Oh, Anne, pray say that you forgive me too. 
 
 ANNE. (L. O/KYRLE) Well, as you've not done anything 
 I /do. (they embrace] 
 
 CORRI. This seems to be such fine embracing weather, 
 Sergeant, suppose we do a hug together. 
 fj/ (CORRIGAN and SERGEANT embrace, L., corner] 
 
 Mmk DANNY MAN appears at c. from L., and comes 
 down appears very mouldy, his nose red, and made 
 up generally to appear influenza-ish. 
 
 MILES. (L. c.) Why, how have you turned up? 
 
 DAN. (L. of MILES) I don't know whether 
 I oughtn't to be "turned up" altogether. 
 What with my taking cold in that there watter, 
 And being shot, and taken for a hotter ; 
 You thought you shot an otter, but you shot a man, 
 A Turkish bath in fact you gave this otter-man. 
 But ^survived sufficiently, my hearty, 
 To join the chorus and the wedding party ; 
 For most extremely anxious to be on, 
 Was Danny Man, at this her Danny-mong. 
 
 CORRI. (L.) I've got him in my power, and I'll show it; 
 About my bill you owe it oh bill- ow it! 
 Iv'e never seen the colour of your metal, 
 
 MILES. We've something much more pressing first to settle. 
 
MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 35 
 
 (to the Audience] Some critics may be found to rail 
 
 in fury, 
 
 At rhyme and rubbish on the stage of Drury ; 
 But surely no particular harm's done, 
 If for the foggy nights we get some fun, 
 Without the works of genius ridiculing, 
 Or vexing great men's ghosts with our torn-fooling : 
 Our object's but an hour away to while 
 In mirth, we simply seek to raise a smile 
 At nobody's expense save those who pay, 
 To come and see our merry little play : 
 Then pray accept the dish we've set before ye, 
 Applaud our wild per- version of the story, 
 And welcome Miss O'Connor con-a-more. 
 
 Finale. " Rosalie, the Prairie Flower" 
 
 HARD. Smile on the endeavour 
 
 We have made to-night, 
 
 DAN. We've tried the utmost of our power. 
 
 HARD. Though by no means clever, 
 
 Say we give you slight 
 DAN. Amusement for an idle hour. 
 
 MILES. We can't be always weeping- 
 Tears in winter time 
 Are apt to freeze, so keep in 
 Good temper at our rime, 
 Tell your friends to peep in 
 
 Ere the pantomime 
 EILY. On Rose Eilee, the Dairy Flower. 
 
 EILY. MILES. DAN. 
 
 HARDRESS. MRS. CUEGAX. 
 
 ANXE. CoiiKiGix. 
 
 KYRLE. SERGEANT. 
 
 L. 
 
 (ttttain; 
 
 Printed by Thomas Scott, 1, Warwick Court, Holborn. 
 
Vard 
 
 MISS EILY O'CONNOR. 
 
 * PERIOD ABOUT 1790. 
 
 JHARDRESS CREGAN. First Dress : Dark green body coat, trimmed 
 with silver lace, white waistcoat, cravat, nankeen breeches, top 
 coat, light coloured curl wig, with pigtail, black conical hat, band 
 and buckle. Second Dress: Embroidered court suit, white satin 
 breeches, waistcoat, white silk stockings, shoes, &c.; powdered 
 wig. 
 
 KTRLE DALY. First Dress: Dark drab frock coat, with small 
 black cape, white breeches, top boots, light wig, white conical hat. 
 Second Dress : Of a darker colour than Hardress, and not so richly 
 embroidered; wig, &c. 
 
 MR. CORRIGAN. Green body coat, with bright gilt buttons, white 
 waistcoat, nankeen breeches, top boots, with long ribbons hanging 
 from the sides ; drab conical hat, made to break and fall flat on the 
 head; light coloured short haired wig, with tail. 
 
 DANNY MAN. Short brown pea jacket, large hump on back, green 
 waistcoat, black breeches, long grey worsted stockings, pulled over 
 the knees outside, highlow shoes; light coloured wig and whiskers ; 
 sou-wester. 
 
 MILES. Long drab great coat with cape, red waistcoat, dark 
 corderoy breeches, blue stockings, highlow shoes, check shirt, silk 
 handkerchief round his neck, light coloured wig, &c., broken hat 
 and short pipe. 
 
 SERGEANT O'TOORALOORAL. Policeman's overcoat, belt and 
 buckle, hat, &c. ; red hair ; long red nose (made up very fat). 
 
 FOOTMAN. Green and red livery. 
 GENTLEMEN. Court suits, powdered wigs, &c. 
 
 LADIES. Court dresses; powdered wigs. 
 
 EILY O'CONNOR. Blue stuff petticoat, blue and white striped 
 tuck-up dress, blue stockings. 
 
 ANNE CHUTE. First Dress : Sky blue silk dress, tucked up, blue 
 silk petticoat, with puffings and 'ribbon. Second Dress: White 
 silk dress and petticoat, trimmed with puffings and flowers of white 
 roses. 
 
 MRS. CREGAN. First Dress: Purple velvet train, trimmed with 
 amber, stomacher, black lace and amber, bertha to match, amber 
 silk petticoat, and black lace flounces ; powdered wig, with black 
 lace lappets ; amber bow. Second Dress : Brown and white brocade, 
 trimmed with cherry ribbons and white lace, white silk petticoat, 
 with white lace flounces aud cherry ribbons, stomacher and bertha 
 to match, a very high powdered wig, trimmed with red beads, and 
 three white feathers, standing up. 
 

LORD BROS. Inc. 
 Accuse, N.Y. 
 ockton, Calif. 
 
 U.C. BERKELEY LIBRARIES 
 
 CDD7DDB3T1 
 
 RETURN 
 
 TO +> 
 
 CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT 
 
 LOAN PERIOD 1 
 HOME USE 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 4 
 
 5 
 
 6 
 
 ALL BOOKS MAY BE RECALLED AFTER 7 DAYS 
 
 Renewals and Recharges may be made 4 days prior to the due date. 
 
 Books may be Renewed by calling 642-3405 
 
 DUE AS STAMPED BELOW 
 
 2-11 ' 
 
 o 
 
 DEI 
 
 T,