THE 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS 
 
 AND 
 
 OCCASIONAL WRITINGS 
 
 O F 
 
 FRANCIS HOPKINSON, 
 
 VOLUME I. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA; 
 
 PRINTED BY T.'DOBSOK, AT THE STONE-HOUSE, N 
 
 SECOND STREET. 
 MjDCCjXCII,
 
 "":?> fm 
 
 v - '.' -F 
 ft 
 
 P5 
 
 Al 
 
 vl 
 
 3- THE following pieces were 
 copied out and prepared for the prefs 
 by the author before his death, 
 
 THEY are now publifhed from 
 his manufcripts, and fub mitted to 
 the candor of the public in the 
 drefs in which he left them*
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 VOLUME I. 
 
 extraordinary dream, I 
 
 An improved plan of education, 1 2, 
 
 Confolatioxfbr the old batcbelor, 2o 
 
 The old batchelor, JVb. 6, 29 
 
 8, 35 
 
 On Motto's, 42 
 
 On the ambiguity of the Englijb /angaegg, 47 
 
 On adver/ify y ro 
 
 A revery, jg 
 
 A pretty Jlory ivtitten in 1774> 65 
 
 A prophecy -written 1776, 02 
 A Letter -written by a foreigner (1776) on tie cbaraSer 
 
 of the Englifb nation, 98 
 
 Apolitical catechifm, "written in 1 777, III 
 
 A letter to Lord Howe (December 1776) 1 2 1 
 
 A letter to Jofeph Galloivay, Efq. (puoli/bedin 1776), 127 
 
 Tivo letters ly a tory (publijhed in 1 776) 132 
 A letter to the editor of the New Jerfey Gazette, Jan. (1778)142
 
 L vi 1 
 
 ,j?age 
 
 Ananfnaer to General Burgoynis proclamation^ 146 
 
 A propofal for eftabli/fjing a high Court of honour, 151 
 
 Advertifemcnt extraordinary, by James Rivington, icp 
 
 A reply in Mr. Rivington' s own Jlyle, 170 
 
 Intelligence extraordinary on the removal of Congrefs from 
 
 Philadelphia, 178 
 
 Afummary view offome late proceedings in a certain great 
 
 aj/embly, 1 84 
 
 On the office and rights of a grand jury, 194 
 
 To the people on the fame fubjecJ, 219 
 
 Pve a thought What is it like ? 228 
 
 A new game at cards for the improvement of orthography, 239 
 Afample of good writing 245 
 
 Speech of a poft In the affembiy-room, 252 
 
 Defcription of a machine for mfafuring a flip's ivay affea, 274 
 Improved method of quilling a harpjichord, 286 
 
 Defcription of a candle cafe, 293 
 
 A full and true account of a terrible uproar which lately 
 
 happened in a very eminent family, 297 
 
 A remarkable hiflorical faff, 316 
 
 Dialog uss of the dead 327 
 
 Specimen of a collegiate examination, 340 
 
 Addrefs to the philofophical fociety, 359 
 
 Account of a worm in a horfis eye, 372 
 
 An optical problem propsfed to Air. Rittenhoufe with his 
 
 Anfvjsr. 375
 
 MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS, 
 
 (f^r THE author ufedto amufc himfelf with writing, occafioual- 
 Iy, little effays for the Pennfylvania Magazine, publiflied at Phila 
 delphia in the years 1775 and 1776, by Mr. Robert Aithn. The 
 following are feme of his coatributions to that work. 
 
 To THE PUBLISHER OF THE PENNSYLVANIA 
 MAGAZINE. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 JL WAS much pleafed when I heard of your in* 
 tention to publiih a Magazine or Monthly Mifcella- 
 ny. For you muft know, Mr. Aitken, that I have 
 long had an earned delire to appear as an author 
 before the refpe&able public. When I walk out a- 
 lone, which I frequently do, obfervations and fenti- 
 ments arife in my mind, which appear to me as wife 
 and important as many of thofe which the prefs is 
 continually obtruding upon the public notice. 
 
 TRUE it is, I have never yet been able to collecb 
 A a fuf-
 
 C a I 
 
 a fufficient number of thefe bright ideas to form a 
 regular piece of compofition: but I had great hopes, 
 that if a proper occalion ftiould offer, I might be 
 able to furniih a {hort effay upon fome fubjet or 
 other. 
 
 You may wonder, perhaps, why I have not tri 
 ed my hand in fome of the public newfpapers ; but 
 the truth is, that what with your Citizens, your 
 Philadelphia , your Lovers of Liberty, your Mode 
 rate Men, and your Immoderate Men, there is no 
 getting a word or two in, edge-ways, amongft 
 them. Now, I look upon your propofed magazine 
 as a pleafont little path, where a man may take an 
 agreeable walk with a few orderly and agreeable 
 friends, without the danger of being joftled to death 
 in a crowd. 
 
 I DETERMINED, therefore, to make my appear 
 ance in your firft number; and, for this purpofe, 
 I fat whole hours alone in my chamber: I took 
 folitary walks, and implored every mufe to affift 
 me. But all in vain. Thofe hard-hearted god- 
 deffes were deaf to my earned invocations, and 
 abfolutely refufed to attend me, either in their bet- 
 termoft fuits of flowing rhyme, or in their common 
 
 drefs of home-fpun profe. 
 
 * 
 
 THE
 
 C 3 3 
 
 THE firfl important difficulty I met with was 
 the choice of a fubject; much fruitlefs time was 
 wafted in this purfuit. The whole train of fciences 
 patted in review before me ; I chofe, and rejected, 
 my choke; I determined, and altered my determi 
 nation; fo many enticing objects courted my atten 
 tion, that fancy hovered over them like a bird, un 
 determined where to fettle. 
 
 HAVING, one evening, wearied myfelf with this 
 mental exercife, I retired to reft. During the fi- 
 lent hours of night, when the powers of my foul, 
 no longer fubjected to the directions of my will, 
 were refigned to the influences of the fpiritual 
 world, I was entertained with the following very 
 
 EXTRAORDINARY DREAM. 
 
 I FOUND myfelf in a place where a thick fog 
 furrounded me, and fcreened every object from my 
 view. The exerted powers of vifion could extend 
 no farther than a few yards round me. 
 
 AT length I perceived a denfe and futty cloud, 
 gradually defcend and reft before me. I attended its 
 motions with earned application. I obferved that 
 it boiled in circling eddies, and laboured with in- 
 tcftine conflict j it burft with' a peal of thunder, and 
 A 2 vanifked
 
 C 4 J 
 
 rammed in -thin air: and I faw an angelic form of 
 exquilite beauty (landing before me. She was 
 clad in flowing robes, white as the new fallen fnow, 
 and was invefted with an atmofphere of lambent 
 glory. She addrefled me in words to this effect : 
 " Happy art thou,, oh mortal! and highly favoured 
 " in this interview! I am TRUTH; and as thou art 
 " in the earnefl purfuit of knowledge, I am come 
 " to imprefs upon thy mind, by fenfible objefts, a 
 " comprehenfive view of human wifdom." Say 
 ing this, {he waved her right hand, and the fog 
 difperfed. I then perceived that I was {landing on 
 a beautiful eminence, which commanded an unin 
 terrupted view of a very extenfive garden. Three 
 fides of this garden were bounded by a lofty and 
 fubflantial wall ; the fourth was warned by the wa 
 ters of the ocean. 
 
 <e WHAT thou feeft before thee, (faid my divine 
 " companion,) is the garden of human knowledge. It 
 " is furrounded by a high wall, becaufe the wif- 
 " dom of finite beings mufl be finite; and it lies 
 e< on the banks of the ocean of eternity. You may 
 " obferve, that it has but one gate, leading into a 
 " long and narrow path, on which nothing grows 
 " but a few nutritious fruits and falutary herbs. 
 <e After this, innumerable walks and alleys branch 
 
 " out
 
 [ 5 3 
 
 " out, directing to the feveral departments of the 
 " garden. 
 
 "I SEE your eyes are fixed upon that renarka- 
 * e ble tree in the middle of this fpacious garden. 
 <c It does indeed make a very fingular appearance 
 " now; but it was once the glory of the whole 
 " fcene. It is the tree of religion, and its fruit is 
 " the mofl delicious and falutary that can be found 
 " in the whole garden. The folly of mankind hath 
 <e reduced it to the deplorable fituation in which 
 " you now fee it. Some thought its branches 
 e< were too large, and fpread too far: and left their 
 " made mould Hint the growth of the paltry weeds 
 " they had planted under them, they lopt off many 
 <e of them clofe to the flock. Others, on the con- 
 " trary, concluded that, as it was fo beneficial a 
 c< tree, there could not be too much of it, and 
 " therefore permitted the fuckers to grow round 
 *' its roots; and moreover, brought cions from 
 " other trees and grafted them on the flock. Some 
 " learned botanifls infilled that all the virtues of 
 " this tree were contained in the fruit, and would 
 <c have all the leaves flripped off, as being of no 
 <e ufe ; whilfl others, as learned, contended, that 
 " if the leaves were preferved, it fignified nothing 
 *' whether it bore fruit or not. Thus by their fe- 
 " veral fyftems and improvements 3 they would re- 
 A 3 " duce
 
 L 6 ] 
 
 " duce it to a mutilated, ufelefs, and deformed 
 " trunk. 
 
 " TURN your attention now to yonder labyrinth. 
 " That is the LAW department in the garden of 
 " knowledge. In the centre ftands an elegant 
 " flatue of Juftice: but the ways that lead to it arc 
 " fo intricate, and the paths fo narrow and inter- 
 " woven with each other, that by the time thofc 
 " who reach it have got half through the puzzle, 
 " they become more anxious to find their way back 
 " than to proceed. For you muft know, that the 
 " alleys are formed by (tone w r alls and wooden 
 " fences ftuck full with nails and tenter-hooks; fo 
 " that, if the bold adventurer ftiould even reach 
 " the ftatue, he gets there in a moft ragged, and, 
 " fometimes, naked condition. Moreover, the en- 
 " trances to all thefe paths and alleys were much 
 " encumbered with weeds, brufli, and thorns; but 
 " a celebrated hiodern * hath taken the pains to 
 " clear away a great deal of the rubbifh, and has 
 " drawn a plan of the feveral windings and intrica- 
 cc cies of this labyrinth for the benefit of mankind, 
 " yet the tenter-hooks, remain in the walls as nume- 
 <c rous as ever. 
 
 c< YONDER large department is the diftrict of 
 
 " PHYSIC. 
 
 * Blackftone.
 
 E 7 J 
 
 <e PHYSIC. It abounds, indeed, with a great varie- 
 " ty of medicinal herbs and plants; but the mif- 
 " fortune is, that the mifapplication of their powers 
 " and qualities by unfkilful pretenders, hath been 
 " the fource of much mifery to mankind. Add 
 " to this, that the affe&ation of pomp and myftery, 
 <t and the fopperies of faihion, have too frequently 
 " rendered this important branch of knowledge 
 " ridiculous in the eye of truth. 
 
 " THAT fecluded corner, 
 
 * Dark with the cedar grove; 
 
 * Where fragrant fpices bloom, 
 
 * And amorous turtles love 
 
 * Beneath the pleafing gloom/ 
 
 cc is devoted to the fine arts, PAINTING, POETRY, 
 " MUSIC, &c. It was once enriched with a great 
 " profufion of fruits and flowers of exquifite fcent 
 " and varied hues: but thefe have long fince been 
 <c gathered by the artifts of former days. It is 
 ' kept, however, in neat order, and furniihes many 
 " a y g ar l an ds and agreeable nofegays. It mufl 
 ** be owned too, that a modern poet * cultivated 
 *' here a number of flowers and ^ ver-greens, with 
 " uncommon fuccefs." 
 
 HERR 
 
 . * Shakefpeare.
 
 L * 3 
 
 HERE I interrupted my kind inftruftor, by Hik 
 ing, what that ftrange looking place, near the walls 
 of the garden, might fignify. 
 
 " THAT place, (faid fhe) is a fwamp, overgrown 
 ^ with briars and. thorns. It is the department of 
 " LOGIC; and the rnoft ufelefs and untoward fpot 
 " in the whole garden of knowledge. Neverthe- 
 " lefs, there are not wanting fome who take delight 
 " in cultivating it. You fee what odd nooks and 
 " angles form the outward boundaries ; and the in- 
 " ternal parts are alfo cut by a thoufand crooked 
 " paths, turning and winding, dividing and fubdi- 
 " viding, and all to no purpofe. 
 
 " THE proprietors of this fwamp have, in vain, 
 " endeavoured to drain it, as it lies lower than all 
 t( the neighbouring ground. They have, however, 
 <c fomewhat improved it by fhutting up the mod 
 * c ufelefs paths, and throwing bridges and caufe- 
 66 ways over the marftiy places. They have been 
 " pleafed to dedicate their labours to me ; but I 
 " flibuld be forry if any of my votaries mould fo far 
 " mifpend their time, as to feek for me amidfl the 
 <f trifling intricacies of that barren place. 
 
 ee NEAR to this fwamp you fee METAPHYSICS; 
 <{ but this department lies fo clofe to the wall 
 
 " which
 
 L 9 3 
 
 <c which bounds all human knowledge, and is fo 
 " (hadowed thereby, that it produces very few 
 <c plants whofe virtues can be depended upon. The 
 " labourers in this ground are continually endea- 
 " vouring to make peep-holes through the wall, 
 " by which they may difcover the adjacent country: 
 " but the materials of which that wall is made are 
 " too hard to yield to any tools they can work 
 with." 
 
 HERE my divine inftru&or turned to me, and 
 
 faid: " I would willingly point out to you the fitu- 
 
 " ation and deftination of all the other parts of the 
 
 " garden; but I perceive that by the natural 
 
 " courfe of your conftitution, your fpirit will foon 
 
 " be again fubjeft to your will, and of confequence 
 
 " plunged in the vortex of the bufy world. I 
 
 " haften, therefore, to communicate to you fome 
 
 " very important intelligence, refpedting both the 
 
 " fpiriiual and material kingdoms. Truths be- 
 
 " yond the reach of human inveftigation, which 
 
 l will tend to enlarge your mind, and give you the 
 
 " moft exalted ideas of the Omnipotent Author of. 
 
 " nature. 
 
 |C ALL that extenfive part of the garden which n 
 46 bounded by the ocean, is affigned for the feveral 
 " branches of NATURAL PHILOSOPHY. You may 
 
 " obferve,
 
 " obferve, that a great deal of it is beneficially cul- 
 " tivated, but much the greateft part of it remains 
 " yet unexplored. By the ftudy of natural philo- 
 *' fophy and aftronomy men acquire fome know- 
 " ledge of the ceconomy of the Great Supreme. 
 " In fome inftances demonftration and faft confirm 
 " the truths difcovered; but, in others, fanciful 
 " hypothefes are fubflituted for truth, and errors 
 " become fan&ified by fyftem, and habitual by edu- 
 " cation. My prefent defign is to remove fome 
 " of thefe prejudices from your mind, and to en- 
 " rich your underftanding with true phiiofophy. 
 
 " KNOW, then, and obferve it well, that" 
 
 At this inftant, my fervant knocked at my 
 
 chamber-door, and told me that the barber waited 
 for me. Think, Mr. Aitken, what a mortifica 
 tion it was to me to be fo unfeafonably interrupted, 
 when I was juft going to receive the fecrets of na 
 ture from the lips of truth. Inftead of converfing 
 further with that divine perfonage, I was obliged 
 to attend the impatience of Monf. le Frifeur ; who, 
 without ceremony began to fmeer my face with 
 nafty foap-fuds. I heartily wiflied him in the ocean 
 of eternity. 
 
 I MUST not forget, however, to tell you, that 
 in a plcafant corner of the garden of knowledge, 
 
 Ifaw
 
 [ ii 3 
 
 I faw a neat little fountain of fimple archite&ure, 
 .from which iflued feveral flreams of pure water. 
 On a handfome pediment in the frorft of this foun 
 tain I faw infcribed THE PENNSYLVANIA MAGA 
 ZINE. 
 
 B. 
 
 For
 
 [ 12 ] 
 
 For the Pennfylvania Magazine. 
 AN IMPROVED PLAN OF EDUCATION. 
 
 I HERE are few objects in life of greater im 
 portance than the proper culture and inftruc- 
 tion of thofe who mult in time fupply the places 
 of the prefent generation. 
 
 VERY arduous is the tafk of education, both to 
 the induftrious teacher and his affiduous difciples. 
 What thanks then will be due to him who lhall 
 contribute any thing towards rendering the road 
 to fcience eafy and pleafant, or fliorten the tedious 
 length of the journey. 
 
 MANY fchemes have been formed by ingenious 
 men for this good purpofe, in which they have 
 endeavoured to blend the utile with the dulce y in 
 fo intimate a connection, that the pupil becomes 
 infenfibly inftructed, whilfl he thinks he is only a- 
 mufmg himfelf. 
 
 As I am quite difpofed to allow every perfon 
 the praife due to his ingenuity, I readily acknow 
 ledge the ufefulnefs of their feveral devices : fuch 
 4 as
 
 C '3 3 
 
 as teaching geography by maps patted on thin 
 boards, and cut into pieces, according to the divi- 
 fions of counties or kingdoms: commerce, by a 
 te-to-tum: h'iftory and chronology ', by a pack of 
 cards : and Euclid's elements, by figures cut out of 
 box-wood, with many other limilar inventions, by 
 which fcience is planted in the minds of youth by 
 the fair hand of innocent pleafure. 
 
 THE improvement I have made on this idea, ap 
 pears to me fo important, that I cannot forbear of 
 fering it to the public for general ufe; heartily re 
 commending my plan to the truflees of our college, 
 and to the patronage of the legiilature. I have, here 
 in, not only united inftru&ion with delight, but 
 added alfo the invaluable bleiTmg of health; making 
 thefe defireable acquifitions to go hand in hand, 
 mutually improving and ftrengthening both mind 
 and body, by one amufing procefs. 
 
 IN order to execute my plan, it will be neceffary 
 to purchafe about twenty acres of level ground, 
 which muft be well cleared of all incumbrances ; 
 and, if laid out in a circular form, it may be called 
 the whole circle of fciences. 
 
 To begin with grammar, which cofts the poor 
 boys much trouble and painful attention: I beg 
 
 leave
 
 L 14 J 
 
 leave to quote a paffage from a late humorous no 
 vel; from which, I mud in jufhice acknowledge, I 
 took the hint of my improved plan of education. 
 The paffage I allude to is this. 
 
 " HERE, Jackey, let the gentleman fee you de 
 cline the pronoun article hie, h&c, hoc. Matter 
 Jackey immediately began hopping about the room, 
 repeating hie, hgc, hoc ; genitive, hujus, dative, 
 hide ; accufative, hum, hac, hoc ; vocative, caret ; 
 ablative, hoc, htec hoc. There now, fays Selkirk, 
 in this manner I teach him the whole grammar. I 
 make eight boys reprefent the eight parts of fpeech. 
 The noun fubft ant ive {lands by himfelf ; the adjec 
 tive has another boy to fupport him; the nomina 
 tive cafe carries a little wand before the verb ; the 
 accufative cafe walks after and fupports his train ; 
 I let the four conjugations make a party at whift, 
 and the three concords dance the hay together, and 
 fo on." 
 
 BY this contrivance, the common exercife of 
 hop-Jicp and jump is rendered truly grammatical, 
 and the head and the heels are improved by one 
 operation. 
 
 IN like manner, may the young fcholar be in- 
 ftrufted in arithmetic, by the healthful play of 
 
 hop-fcot ;
 
 r -5 ] 
 
 hop-fcot ; wherein certain fquares are delineated on 
 the ground, and each fuperfcribed with numerical 
 figures: the dexterity confifts in hopping about on 
 one foot, and kicking apiece of polfherd or oyiler- 
 fliell into fuch fquares as {hall produce the greateil 
 amount of figures. 
 
 IT is eafy to fee that in fuch a commodious piece 
 of ground the feveral branches of mathematics, as 
 trigonometry, fitrveying, navigation, &c. may be ac 
 quired by actual exercife, in a mode very amufing 
 to the Undent. 
 
 NATURAL philofophy may alfo be taught by the 
 {ports in common ufe amongil boys. The vis iner 
 tia of matter, elafticity, and the general laws of 
 motion may be evidenced in pluying marbles. Jives, 
 and bandy-wicket. The doctrine of projectiles, the 
 accelerated velocity of falling bodies, and the pa 
 rabolic curve, the centrifugal force, and the laws of 
 gravitation, may be unclerilood by (hooting arrows, 
 flinging ftones, and throwing mow-bulls. Pneu 
 matics will be taught in the ufe of the pop-gun, 
 flying of kites, blowing bladders, and lifting 
 flones with a piece of wet leather and ftring: and 
 kydroftatits may be illuilrated by the J 'quirt and 
 other aquatic ainufements. 
 
 A SUF-
 
 r 16 j 
 
 A SUFFICIENT knowledge of /cgvV may be acqui 
 red by the fame healthful and entertaining means. 
 Let a large boy reprefent the major proportion ; a 
 fmall boy the minor ; and a middle fized lad the 
 conclufion : and let thefe three play at hide and feck. 
 A forties may be very aptly reprefented by thread 
 my needle nan; and a dilemma by blind buck and 
 Davy. Every fpecies of fyllogifms may be exem 
 plified by devices of the like kind. 
 
 THUS far the common fports of boys may be 
 made the vehicles of inftruction ; but fome ingenu 
 ity on the part of the tutor will be requhlte to 
 teach them moral philofophy and aftronomy. In order 
 to the firft, I would propofe that the feveral pajjlons 
 and affections of the mind be reprefented by as 
 many boys, each of whom Ihould have his deflined 
 courfe and diftance affigned by the tutor, who 
 fliould himfelf reprefent reafon. Thefe boys fliould 
 all be blindfolded, and darted as for a race; and 
 whilft they are running, helier-Jkdter^ in full ca 
 reer, the tutor ftiould exert himfelf with great 
 vociferation to direc them to keep in their feveral 
 courfes: calling out to one to flop, to another to 
 to pum forward, and to all of them not to joftle or 
 interfere with each other. It would be proper that 
 the ftouteft and moil active boys fhould perfonate 
 afltonsi and that the cooler ajfeflhns of the 
 
 mind
 
 r 17 ] 
 
 mind mould be affigned to the young, weak, and 
 tardy. Large flumbling-blocks fhould alfo be pla- 
 .ced at the end of their refpective courfes, which 
 will probably break the fhins of thofe who attempt 
 to pafs their limits, and will give fome idea of the 
 office of conference : and it would be better ftill, if 
 an impetuous difciple, blundering over his flum- 
 bling-block, ihould find himfelf eatangled amongft 
 briars and thorns, previouily difpofed for the pur- 
 pofe. The hcad-fcholar fliouid be feated on high 
 as judge of the race, reprefenting the underjiand- 
 ing : and the ftrongeft lad (tart the racers, emble 
 matical of the 
 
 To teach ajlronomy^ it will be neceflary.to make 
 ufe of the whole twenty acres of ground: which 
 muft be divided by concentric circles, at proportio 
 nal diilances, for the orbits of the planets. Let 
 the tutor place himfelf as the fun, in the cent-re : 
 the larger boys reprefenting the primary planets, 
 and the fmall ones attending them as fatellites. 
 The tutor, by the help of a fpeaking trumpet, mud 
 direft them how to perform their feveral revolutions 
 in due order of time and place; which cannot fail 
 giving thefe peripatetic philosophers a competent 
 idea of the folar fyflem. 
 
 B THIS
 
 C 18 ] 
 
 THIS is my propofcd plan of education, and I 
 hope I fhall foon have the pleafure of feeing it put 
 in pra&ice. 
 
 WHAT a glorious entertainment muft it be to 
 fee a whole fchool of boys praftifing and aftually 
 performing their feveral exercifes. Some hopping 
 over a grammar leflbn; Jiepping by mood and 
 tenfe, a&djumping over nouns and pronouns, verbs 
 and adverbs ? If the young ftudent fliould happen 
 to lean too much on one fide, he may be faid to be 
 declining ; and if he fhould aftually fall, he will 
 probably be in the vocative. There is no lover of 
 learning but mufl be delighted with fuch an ex 
 hibition. 
 
 As a proof of my own public fpirit, I am deter 
 mined to give a confiderable part of the fum which 
 our legiflature fhall order me as the reward of my 
 ingenuity, towards purchafmg the aforefaid twenty 
 acres of ground for the ufe of the college. 
 
 IT may be obje&ed, that this plan is calculated for 
 fair weather only; but I am now preparing for the 
 prefs the completion of my fcheme, by a variety 
 of in-door exercifes ; wherein I fhall fhew, that 
 laws and government may be taught by the play of 
 
 break
 
 r '9 : 
 
 break the friar's neck ; trade and commerce, by I 
 am a Spanijh merchant ; the occult fciences, by 
 hide the Jlipper : and fo on. But I will not by 
 anticipation IclTen the pleafure my readers will 
 have in perufmg the fecond part of education 
 improved. 
 
 B 2 CONSO-
 
 CONSOLATION FOR THE OLD BACHELOR.* 
 
 \ 
 
 Mr. Aitken, 
 
 Y OUR Old Bachelor having pathetically re- 
 prefented the jniferies of his folitary fituation, fe- 
 verely reproaching himfelf for having negle&ed 
 to marry in his younger days ; I would fain alle 
 viate his diftrefs, by {hewing that it is pojfible he 
 might have been as unhappy even in the honour 
 able (late of matrimony. 
 
 I am a ilioemaker in this city, and by my induf- 
 try and attention have been enabled to maintain 
 my wife and a daughter, now fix years old, in 
 comfort and refpeft ; and to lay by a little at the 
 year's end, againft a rainy day. 
 
 MY good wife had long teafed me to take her 
 to New York, in order to vifit Mrs. Snip, the la 
 dy of an eminent taylor in that city, and her cou- 
 fin ; from whom {he had received many preffing 
 invitations. 
 
 THIS 
 
 * A paper, under the title of The Old Bachelr t had been infti- 
 tuted in the Pennfylvania Magazine.
 
 r si 3 
 
 THIS jaunt had been the daily fubjeft of difcuf- 
 fion at breakfafl, dinner, and fupper for a month 
 before the- time fixed upon for putting it in execu 
 tion. As our daughter "Jenny could by no means 
 be left at home, many and great were the prepa- 
 tions to equip Mifs and her Mamma for this impor 
 tant journey ; and yet, as my wife allured me, 
 there was nothing provided but what was abfolute- 
 ly necejfary, and which we could not poffibly do 
 without My purfe fweat at every pore. 
 
 AT laft, the long expected day arrived, preceded 
 by a very reftlefs night. For, as my wife could not 
 fleep for thinking on the approaching jaunt, nei 
 ther would {he fuffer me to repofe in quiet. If I 
 happened through wearifomenefs to fall into a 
 ilumber, (lie immediately roufed me by fome un- 
 feafonable queflion or remark : frequently afk- 
 ing if I was fure the apprentice had greafed the 
 chair-wheels, and feen that the harnefs was clean 
 and in good order ; often obferving how furprifed 
 her coufin Snip would be to fee us ; and as often 
 wondering how poor dear Mifs Jenny would bear 
 the fatigue of the journey Thus pail the night 
 in delightful difcourfe, if that can with propriety 
 be called a difcourfe, wherein my wife was the 
 only fpeaker my replies never exceeding the mo- 
 B 3 nofyllables
 
 22 
 
 nofyllables yes or no 9 murmured between fleeping 
 and waking. 
 
 No fooner was it fair day-light, but up ftarted 
 my notable wife, and foon roufed the whole fami 
 ly. The little trunk was fluffed with baggage, even 
 to burfting, and tied behind the chair, and the 
 chair-box was crammed with trumpery which w ff 
 could not poffibly do without. Mifs "Jenny was 
 dreft, and breakfafl devoured in hade : the old ne 
 gro wench was called in, and the charge of the 
 houfe committed to her care ; and the two appren 
 tices and the hired maid received many whole- 
 fome cautions and inftruftions for their conduct 
 during our abfence, all which they moil liberally 
 promifed to obferve ; whilft I attended, with infi 
 nite patience, the adjuflment of thefe preliminaries. 
 
 AT length, however, we fet off, and, turning 
 the firft corner, loft fight of our habitation, with 
 great regret on my part, and no lefs joy on the 
 part of Mifs "Jenny and her Mamma. 
 
 WHEN we got to Poole's Bridge, there hap 
 pened to be a great concourfe of waggons, carts, 
 &c. fo that we could not pafs for fome time 
 Mifs "Jenny frightened my wife very impatient 
 and uneafy wondered I did not call out to thofe 
 
 impudent
 
 C 23 j 
 
 impudent fellows to make way for us ; obfcrving 
 that I had not the fpirit of a loufe. Having got 
 through this difficulty, we proceeded without ob- 
 ftruftion my wife in good humour again Mifs 
 yenny in high fpirits. At Kenfington frefli trou 
 bles arife Blefs me, Mifs Jenny, fays my wife, 
 where is the band-box ? I don't know, Mamma ; 
 the laft time I faw it, it was on the table in your 
 room What's to be done ? the band-box is left 
 behind it contains Mifs Jenny's new wire-cap 
 there is no poffibility of doing without it As 
 well no New York as no wire-cap there is no 
 alternative, we muil e'en go back for it. Teafed 
 and mortified as I was, my good wife adminifter- 
 ed confolation by obferving, " That it was my 
 " bufinefs to fee that every thing was put into the 
 " chair that ought to be, but there was no depend- 
 " ing upon me for any thing ; and that fhe plainly 
 " faw 1 undertoook this journey with an ill-will, 
 " merely becaufe flie had fet her heart upon it." 
 Silent patience was my only remedy. An hour and 
 an half reflored to us this eflential requifite the 
 wire-cap, and brought us back to the place where 
 we firfl miffed it. 
 
 AFTER innumerable difficulties and unparalleled 
 clangers, occafioned by ruts, flumps, and tremen 
 dous bridges, we arrived at Neihamony ferry : but 
 
 how
 
 r 2 4 3 
 
 how to crofs it was the queftion. My wife pro- 
 tefled that neither (lie nor Jenny would go over in 
 the boat with the horfe. I allured her that there 
 was not the lead danger ; that the horfe was as 
 quiet as a dog, and that I would hold him by the 
 bridle all the way. Thefe affurances had little 
 weight : the mod forcible argument was that 
 {he muft go that way or not at all, for there was 
 no other boat to be had. Thus pcrfuaded, {he 
 ventured in The flies were troublefome the 
 horfe kicked my wife in panics Mifs Jenny in 
 tears. Ditto at Trenton-ferry. 
 
 As we flarted pretty early, and as the days were 
 long, we reached Trenton by two o'clock. Here 
 we dined. My wife found fault with every thing ; 
 and whilil {he difpofed of what I thought a tolera 
 ble hearty meal, declared there was nothing fit to 
 eat. Matters, however, would have gone on pret 
 ty well, but Mifs Jenny began to cry with the 
 tooth-ach fad lamentations over Mifs Jenny all 
 my fault, becaufe I had not made the glazier re 
 place a broken pane in her chamber window. 
 N. B. I had been twice for him, and he promifed 
 to come, but was not fo good as his word. 
 
 AFTER dinner we again entered upon our jour 
 ney my wife in good humour Mifs Jenny's 
 
 tooth-
 
 [ *5 J 
 
 tooth-ache much eafier various chat I acknow 
 ledge every thing my wife fays for fear of dif- 
 compofmg her. We arrive in good time at 
 Princetoivn. My wife and daughter admire the 
 College. We refreili ourfelves with tea, and go 
 to bed early, in order to be up by times for the 
 next day's expedition. 
 
 IN the morning we fet off again in tolerable 
 good humour, and proceeded happily as far as 
 Rocky-hill. Here my wife's fears and terrors re 
 turned with great force. I drove as carefully as 
 poffible ; but coming to a place where one of the 
 wheels muft unavoidably go over the point of a 
 fmall rock, my wife, in a great fright, feized hold 
 of 'one of the reins, which happening to be the 
 wrong one, file pulled the horfe fo as to force the 
 wheel higher up the rock than it would otherwife 
 have gone, and overfet the chair. We were all 
 tumbled hickledy-pickledy, into the road Mifs 
 yenny's face all bloody the woods echo to her 
 cries my wife in a fainting fit and I in great rai- 
 fery ; fecretly and mofl devoutly wifhing coufm 
 Snip at the devil. Matters begin to mend my 
 wife recovers Mifs "Jenny has only received a 
 flight fcratch on one of her cheeks the horfe ftands 
 quite dill, and none of the harnefs broke. Mat 
 ters grew worfe again j the twine with which the 
 
 band-
 
 C 26 i 
 
 band-box was tied had broke in the fall, and the 
 aforefaid wire-cap lay foaking in a nafty mud- 
 puddle grievous lamentations over the wire-cap 
 all my fault becaufe I did not tie it better no 
 remedy no wire-caps to be bought at Reeky-hill. 
 At night my wife discovered a fmall bruife on her 
 hip was apprehenfive it might mortify did not 
 know but the bone might be broken or fplintered 
 many inflances of mortifications occafioned by fmall 
 injuries. 
 
 AFTER paffing unhurt over the imminent dangers 
 of Paffayack and Hackenfack rivers, and the yet 
 more tremendous horrors of Pawlas-hook ferry, 
 we arrived, at the clofe of the third day, at cou- 
 fin Snip's in the city of New York. 
 
 HERE we fojourned a tedious week ; my wife 
 fpent as much money as would have maintained 
 my family for a month at home, in purchafmg a 
 hundred ufelefs articles which ive could not pojjlbly 
 do 'without ; and every night when we went to 
 bed fatigued me with encomiums on her coufm 
 Snip ; leading to a hiflory of the former grandeur 
 of her family, and concluding with infmuations 
 that I did not treat her with the attention and re- 
 /peel I ought.
 
 r *7 i 
 
 ON the feventh day my wife and coufm Snip 
 had a pretty warm altercation refpefting the com 
 parative elegancies and advantages of New York 
 and Philadelphia. The difpute ran high, and ma 
 ny aggravating words paft between the two advo 
 cates. The next morning, my wife declared that 
 my bufmefs would not admit of a longer abfence 
 from home and fo after much ceremonious com- 
 plaifance, in which my wife was by no means ex 
 ceeded by her very polite coufin, we left the fa 
 mous city of New York ; and I with heart-felt 
 fatisfa&ion looked forward to the happy period of 
 our fafe arrival in Water-ftreet, Philadelphia. 
 
 BUT this bleflmg was not to be obtained with 
 out much vexation and trouble but left I fhould 
 feem tedious I fhall not recount the adventures of 
 our return how we were caught in a thunder 
 ftorm how our horfe failed, by which we were 
 benighted three miles from our ftage how my 
 wife's panics returned how Mifs Jenny howled, 
 and how very miferable I was made. Suffice it 
 to fay, that, after many diftrefling difafters, we 
 arrived at the door of our own habitation in Wa- 
 ter-ftreet. 
 
 No fooner had we entered the houfe, but we 
 were informed that one of my apprentices had 
 
 ran
 
 L *8 ] 
 
 ran away with the hired-maid, no body knew 
 where ; the old negro had got drunk, fallen into 
 the fire, and burnt out one of her eyes ; and our 
 bed china-bowl was broken. 
 
 MY good wife contrived, with her ufual inge 
 nuity, to throw the blame of all thefe misfortunes 
 upon me. As this was a confolation to which I 
 had been long accuftomed in all untoward cafes, I 
 had recourfe to my ufual remedy, viz. filent pa 
 tience. After fincerely praying that I might ne 
 ver more fee coufm Snip, I fat induftrioufly down 
 to my trade, in order to retrieve my manifold 
 loffes. 
 
 THIS is only a miniature pifture of the married 
 ftate,whichl prefent to your Old Bachelor^'m hopes 
 it may abate his choler, and reconcile him to a 
 Jingle life. But, if this opiate fhould not be fuffi- 
 cient to give him fome eafe, I may, perhaps, fend 
 him a ftronger dofe hereafter. 
 
 THI
 
 C "9 3 
 
 THE OLD BACHELOR, N VI. 
 
 C_JH, that I had been made an oyfter ! 
 that I had been flationed in the bottom of the fea 
 the winds might have blown and fwelled the 
 waves mountains high; I fhould not have heeded 
 them. Mankind might have fatiated themfelves 
 with folly, iniquity and deceit; it would not have 
 troubled me. But, what is better than all, I Ihould 
 have propagated my fpecies by a numerous off- 
 fpring, without the cares, without the plagues, 
 without the expences of a female afliflant. 
 
 HERE fome journeyman philofopher would 
 interrupt me with a learned diiTertation on 
 fexes ; and prove, by a chain of irrefragible fup- 
 polhions, that oyfters are male and female. 
 What's that to you, fir ? Who aiked your opinion? 
 The deuce is in thefe coxcombs, that they cannot 
 let a man go on in his own way, but they muft be 
 throwing draws acrofs his path. Go, Mr. Philo 
 fopher, go, catch butterflies, and fearch for the 
 pineal gland of a mufketoe. 
 
 OH, that I had been an oyfter! 'Tis true 
 I fhould not have known what are called the 
 
 joys
 
 r 30 j 
 
 joys of life j that is, I fhould not have eaten turtle- 
 foup and venifon till I naufeated both, nor have 
 drank Madeira till I loathed it. True, neither 
 fhould I be tormented with the treachery of fer- 
 vants, the hypocrify of relations, or the infults 
 and farcafms of my fellow oyfters. 
 
 You fhould have heard from me before this, 
 Mr. Aitken, but I have been fick, very fick, al- 
 moft at the point of death ; I caught cold by put 
 ting on a damp fhirt. If I had been married, my 
 wife, perhaps, would have taken care that my linen 
 fhould have been \vell aired perhaps not. Be 
 this as it may, I caught cold, and was very fick. 
 Nobody troubled their heads about me; I lay 
 helplefs, languifhing and neglefted above ; my 
 fervants rioted and plundered below ; every thing 
 ran into confufion. The common comforts of the 
 fick were not adminiftered to me; I lay many hours 
 alone, brooding over my own melancholy refle&i- 
 ons. I thought I fhould die I fuppofed myfelf 
 dead I faw my own funeral Not a fmgle 
 tear to embalm my memory. A few ftrag- 
 gling neighbours attend the fcanty proceffion, 
 converfmg on politics, or the current news of 
 rhe day, as they follow me to the grave. The 
 day after the funeral, fome perfon of the next 
 treet afks one of my near neighbours, " Pray, 
 
 how
 
 C 3' 1 
 
 how does the Old Bachelor ? I hear he is fick." 
 '* He was fick, but he is well enough now he 
 was buried yefterday." " Dear me ! I never 
 heard of it and how has the old curmudgeon 
 left his eftate? " To the Pennfylvania Hofpital." 
 No more is faid about me they pafs on to other 
 chat. After three days, I am no more thought of 
 than if I had never exifted, except by the managers 
 of the Pennfylvania Hofpital. No widow to be 
 vifited and comforted for the lofs of me no chil 
 dren to keep my name and memory alive in the 
 world, and to talk of their dear father, fome ten or 
 a dozen years after my deceafe. No elegy in verfe 
 or profe to celebrate the virtues I never poffeiTed, 
 or palliate the faults I really had. Not even a para 
 graph in the newfpaper to announce my departure 
 Yes I had fome comfort in fuppofmg that my 
 name might creep into the fag-end of your Maga 
 zine, under the lift of deaths, with a declaration 
 that I had charitably left my eflate to the Pennfyl 
 vania Hofpital. 
 
 SUCH was the difmal train of ideas that prefent- 
 ed to my imagination. My diforder encreafed, my 
 life was defpaired of. Some half a dozen fecond 
 and third coufins came to fee me. They difgufted 
 me with their officious and overafted kindneffes. 
 " Why did you sot fend, my dear coufin, to let 
 4 me
 
 [ 32 ] 
 
 me know you was fick?" " I never heard a word 
 of it till this morning, and I came the moment I 
 was informed of your danger." Says another, 
 " Do take this."" Pray try that."-" There 
 is nothing better for a fever, I have known it to 
 do wonders." Another of my v^ry loving couilns 
 fat down by my bedfide, and with a doleful coun 
 tenance began a lefture upon the uncertainty of 
 life, and the certainty of death. After a few com 
 mon place obfervations he came to the point he 
 had in view. " I hope, my dear coulin, (faidhej 
 that you have fettled your worldly affairs ; your 
 loving relations expect it of you ; I hope you 
 have made your will ; thefe things had better not 
 be delayed ; it will be an eafe to your mind when 
 that neceifary bufmefs is over, and you will not 
 die an hour the fooner for having completed it. 
 We all hope you may recover ; God grant you 
 may ! But, as we arc all mortal, and know not how 
 foon we may be called upon, it is prudent to pro 
 vide againft the word." I told him that my will 
 was already made, and that I h:\d no inclination to 
 alter it. My coufins continued to teafe me with 
 unremitting cruelty ; my flrength was fo exhaufted 
 that I could not fcold, ftorm and fwear, as I wiih- 
 cd to do. I fretted inwardly ; my phyfician, too, 
 was in league with my coufins ; he denied me 
 every thing I defired, and forced upon me every 
 2 thing
 
 [ 33 ] 
 
 thing I loathed and abhorred ; my fituation was 
 truly deplorable. I earneftly longed for a draught 
 of cold water ; I requefted it in terms of the mod 
 pathetic felicitation ; but to no purpofe. At 
 length I prevailed upon an old negro wench, who 
 is not worth a farthing, and yet the mod valuable 
 fervant I have got, to bring me, privately, a tan 
 kard of water freili from the pump. I drank it off 
 greedily. It threw me into a profufe fweat and 
 deep fleep it faved my life I began to recover. 
 No fooner was I out of danger, but my loving cou- 
 fms, whom I had not feen for four years before my 
 illnefs, left me witH one confent : and it is more 
 than probable, that they will not vifit me again. 
 for four years to come Heaven grant they may 
 not ! But I fancy I need be under no apprehenfions 
 on that account, as they will difcover by this pa 
 per that I mean to leave my eilate to the Pennfyl- 
 vania Hofpital. 
 
 SUCH is the forlorn ftate of an Old Bachelor. 
 Sick or well there is none will do him a fervice, 
 or even an aft of charity, but from interefled mo 
 tives. I fometimes wifh I had married when I was 
 young ; but when I look round amongft my ac 
 quaintance, and fee a tyrannical and extravagant 
 wife, a reprobate fpendthrift fon, and a daughter, 
 running off with the firft vagabond that offers, I 
 
 C hug
 
 [ 34 ] 
 
 hug myfelf in my folitary ftate, and blefs my ftars 
 that I did not marry when I was young. 
 
 UPON the whole, I find fo many reafons to wilh 
 myfelf a married man ; andifee fo many reafons to 
 rejoice that I am not ; that my mind is like the 
 pendulum of a clock hanging in fufpenfe, and per 
 petually vibrating between two opinions. 
 
 NOTWITHSTANDING all the fine things that have 
 been faid, time out of mind, about the married 
 flate, I am perfuaded that he who marries muft 
 venture boldly. It is not a fubjeft that will bear 
 much reafoning upon. Ninety-nine times out of 
 a hundred it is pajfion^ or intereft^ not reafon^ that 
 points to matrimony. Should a man, before he 
 engages, call up to view all the difafters, troubles, 
 and inconveniences, fome of which probably may, 
 and others certainly will, occur in the married ftate, 
 he would never have the courage to engage in it. 
 In my youthful days I fancied myfelf in love two 
 or three times ; I even made fome advances to 
 wards a courtfliip : but I reafoned too much on the 
 confequences, and therefore I- remain, as you fee, 
 a fretful Old Bachelor. 
 
 THS
 
 C 35 3 
 
 THI BACHELOR, N? VIII. 
 
 1 MIGHT have fat in my elbow chair till doomf- 
 day, and revolved the matter over and over again, 
 till my brain had become as dry as a box of Scotch 
 fnuff. I might have wafted the midnight lamp ; read 
 all the works of the learned, and of the unlearned, 
 upon the fubjeft ; and even out-ftudied Duns 
 Scotus, without being able to determine the point. 
 'Tis very ftrange, faid I, that any fpeculation what 
 ever, fhould be fupported and contradicted, efla- 
 blifhed and confuted by reafons fo exactly balancing 
 each other as to leave the judgement hanging in 
 lufpence like Mahomet's coffin. The hundred- 
 thoufandth part of a grain would fet all agoing ; 
 and yet I cannot throw that hundred-thoufandth 
 part of a grain into one fcale, but I find jufl as 
 much hath dropped into the oppofite. In a word, 
 I found it impoflible to determine, whether I had 
 better marry or not. 
 
 AT laft, an accident who would have thought 
 it ! an accident fettled this important queftion ; 
 broke down the dam which I had been fo many 
 years building up, ftrengthening and repairing, and 
 let out all my objections at once in a torrent. It 
 C 2 would
 
 [ 36 ] 
 
 would have furprifed any body* to fee how many 
 prudential motives, felf-love, avarice, pride, pecu 
 liarities of opinion, &c. tumbled out, helter fkel- 
 tcr, head-over-heels, in the gufhing dream. Here 
 layPr/W<?,bouncing and flouncing indignant through 
 the foaming tide ; there lay Avarice, wriggling and 
 twitting in mud and flime On one fide, Self-love, 
 like a tortoife, collected within its own unfocial 
 fhell ; on the other, thoufands of odd notions 
 and peculiarities of opinion crawling about like 
 (hails, tad-poles, and unformed vermin. 
 
 BUT the accident, which occafioncd this ex 
 traordinary revolution, is worth relating 
 
 I acquainted you in a former letter, with my ill- 
 nefs and recovery. For the better eftablifhment 
 of my health, exercife and air were much recom 
 mended. I made it a practice, therefore, when 
 ever the weather was fuitable, to walk two or three 
 miles before dinner. One day, as I was taking 
 my ufual excurfion along the road that leads to 
 the lower /erry on Schulkyl, two women paffed me 
 in a chair. The youngeft of the two drew the 
 attention of a momentary glance. I thought I faw 
 fomething in her that made me wifli for a longer 
 view. They had not proceeded above an hun 
 dred yards when their horfe took fright, ran up 
 
 againft
 
 [ 37 ] 
 
 againft the fence, and overfet the chair. I made 
 all poffible hafte to the affiftarice of the unfortu 
 nate ladies. The elder feemed to have received 
 no great injury ; but the young lady, either from 
 the force of the fall, or through fear, had fainted 
 away. I took her in my arms ; her head reclined 
 upon my bofom fhe was delicate Hie was lovely: 
 1 felt an anxiety I never felt before. Love, though 
 I knew it not, flole into my heart under the difguife 
 of companion. I chafed her temples, herwrifts, 
 and the palms of her hands. The foft touch 
 thrilled through every vein, and awakened unufual 
 fenfibilities. She recovered, and, obferving her 
 fituation, with a gentle effort, difengaged herfelf 
 from my arms, and thanked me for my care with 
 graceful eafe and a languifhing voice. The el 
 der lady, who was her mother, joined in acknow 
 ledgements. The horfe and broken chair were left 
 at a neighbouring houfe, and I infilled on conduft- 
 ing the ladies home. 
 
 LITTLE paffed during this walk but thankful 
 expreffions on the part of the ladies, and polite af- 
 furances on mine. I did not fail, however, to 
 examine the young lady's perfon and deportment 
 with great attention, and the more I obferved the 
 more I was pleafed with her. As they were both 
 much difcompofed by the accident^ I did not think 
 C 3 it
 
 [ 38 ] 
 
 it proper to intrude upon them at that time ; but 
 took my leave at the door, with a promife to wait 
 upon them the next day to enquire after their 
 health. 
 
 WHEN I returned home, this adventure engroff- 
 ed all my thoughts ; I fecretly wiftied myfelf fome 
 twenty years younger, that I might with proprie 
 ty make this aimable young woman all my own. 
 What a treafure, faid I, mufl ftie be to a man of 
 fenfe and delicacy : How happy fhould I be at this 
 time if I had, in the earlier part of my life, con- 
 nefted myfelf with fuch a fweet companion but 
 I have miffed the golden opportunity, and mufl 
 e'en fret out the remainder of my days as well as 
 I can. 
 
 THE day was long the night longer. The 
 next morning was chiefly fpent in preparations for 
 my afternoon's vifit. I was uncommonly particu 
 lar about my drcfs, although I had no deter 
 mined objeft in view. The barber had exprefs 
 orders refpe&ing the dreffing of my wig ; my beft 
 fuit of broad-cloth was taken out of the prefs, and 
 my new beaver neatly and carefully brulhed. In 
 fliort, I was more attentive to my preparations for 
 this vifit than I had been for many years. But I 
 
 placed
 
 r 39 3 
 
 placed all to the account of politenefs and ci 
 vility. 
 
 WHEN all was ready, I went to the glafs to ad- 
 juft my wig. 1 thought I looked uncommonly 
 well at leaft I obferved a neatnefs in my drefs and 
 a vivacity in my countenance to which I had long 
 been unaccuftomed. Certain reflections arofe in 
 my mind which I could not then fupprefs. And 
 thus I reafoned with myfelf. Few men carry their 
 age better than I do this mud be owing to the 
 temperance and regularity of my pafs'd life. A 
 difcreet man of fifty hath the powers of life in 
 greater vigour than a debauchee of twenty-five. 
 Who knows what may happen ? perhaps Oh ! 
 the enchanting idea ! flranger things have come 
 to pafs my fortune is unexceptionable my per- 
 fon, I think, not difagreeable, and my conilitu- 
 tion rather better fmce my late illnefs than be 
 fore. At this inflant I took up my hat which lay on 
 the table clofe by an old quarto Family Bible, the 
 corner of my hat, in lifting it, took hold of the 
 upper cover of the Bible and threw it back when 
 behold ! on the firft leaf of the aforefaid Bible, 
 thefe words, in very legible characters, faluted my 
 eye " George, the fon of Thomas and Alice San- 
 " by, was born in the city of London, on the ioth^ 
 " day of Oftober anno Domini ****" I need 
 
 not
 
 [ 40 ] 
 
 not give you the figures fuffice it to fay, that 
 this malicious accident had a great effeft on my 
 mind. It flruck the top-fails of my vanity in a mo 
 ment, and difperfed all the gay ideas I had conju 
 red up. I left home fomewhat difconcerted ; and 
 manyjarring fenfibilities diftracted my mind till I 
 got to the houfe where I was to make my vifit. 
 
 IT is time to inform you that the mother of this 
 
 young lady keeps fhop in ftreet : upon the 
 
 profits of which, and the interefl of a thoufand 
 pounds left her by her deceafed hufband, {he fup- 
 ports herfelf and her only daughter Her hufband 
 had been a merchant of fome note ; but partly 
 by lofes in trade, and chiefly by living too expen- 
 fively for his income, had it not in his power to 
 leave any thing considerable to his family. This 
 intelligence I artfully obtained from an acquain 
 tance in the common way of chat. 
 
 I was received by my new friends with great 
 cordiality. The mother was all complaifance and 
 civility, the daughter all fweetnefs and innocence. 
 Our difcourfe firfl turned upon the accident of the 
 preceding day. I was happy in finding it attended 
 with no bad confequences ; and happier flill (as I 
 took occafion to obferve) it had been the means of 
 introducing me to fuch an agreeable family j declar 
 ing
 
 [ 41 ] 
 
 ing my intention to take advantage of it by occafi- 
 nal vifits. To this a reply was made quite to my 
 fatisfaction. I fpent the afternoon and a good part 
 of the evening mofl agreeably. I returned homa 
 in high fpirits, and much enamoured with the 
 young lady. I thought no more of the accident 
 of the family Bible, but indulged myfelf for the re 
 mainder of the night in a thoufand golden dreams. 
 
 Now, if ever you expect to hear from me a- 
 gain, I infifl that you do not entitle this, or any 
 fubfequent letter from me, The Old Bachelor. I 
 am not fo old perhaps as you may imagine. I dare 
 fay Methufelah was in leading-firings at my age, or 
 juft beginning to cut his teeth. A man fo hearty 
 and ruddy as I am, cannot with any propriety be 
 called Old 0/^philofopher, Old hermit, Old mar 
 ried men. Old widower, may be well enough but 
 old (hould never be applied to a bachelor until he 
 is a great deal older than I am yet thank God ! 
 You may alledge that in fome of my letters I have 
 called myfelf an Old Bachelor but I was not w r ell 
 then, and fomewhat low fpirited I did myfelf 
 great injuflice, and have a right to recall the ex- 
 preffion which I now do Indulge me in this par 
 ticular, and perhaps you may hear from me again. 
 
 ON
 
 L 42 J 
 
 ON M O T T O S. 
 
 JL WAS much entertained by your friend's expla 
 nation of the devices and mottos which diftinguifli 
 our continental bills of credit. When a motto ac 
 companies a device, there mould be fuch a connec 
 tion between them that the one mould be explana 
 tory of the other, fo that a little knowledge of the 
 language from which the motto is felefted, mould 
 be fufficient for a difcovery of the author's fen- 
 timent. But I have often puzzled my brains to 
 no purpofe to tranflate fome of the mottos in he 
 raldry ; there being feldom any connection between 
 the device and the infcription. And as the gram 
 mar of the motto is almoft always incomplete, I 
 have been inclined to think that the words were 
 only intended as ornamental, in filling up the va 
 cant fpace of a handfome fcroll. 
 
 YOUR writers of elTays and pamphlets are gene 
 rally very fond of mottos as well no title-page as 
 no motto. The perfon amongft the Indians who 
 a6ts in the capacity of phyfician and magician (for 
 they always unite thefe characters) wears a leaf of 
 fome plant on his forehead or bread, to indicate 
 
 his
 
 [ 43 1 
 
 his knowledge in the medicinal qualities of herbs; 
 juft fo a fragment from Virgil or Horace is fre 
 quently iluck in the title-page of a pamphlet, mere 
 ly to (hew that the author underflands Latin. 
 
 IT is curious to obferve how the works of the 
 ancients have been frittered into fcraps for this 
 ufe, and how ftrangely they have been mifapplied. 
 Three or four detached words, having the leafl 
 feeming analogy with the fubjeft in hand, are ea 
 gerly feized upon for a motto : whereas, perhaps, 
 upon examining the paflage from which thefe 
 words have been plundered, and obferving what 
 precedes and what follows, we may find a fenti- 
 ment very different from that to which the modern 
 author hath applied them, if not directly contrary 
 to it. 
 
 BY the fame management paflages in Holy Writ 
 may be adduced as authorities for every fpecies of 
 immorality and wickednefs. For example, if I 
 wanted a motto in favour of 
 
 THEFT. 
 
 :e Stolen waters arefweet." Prov. ix. 
 " Deceit is fweet to a man." Prov. xx. 
 
 COVETOUSNESS. 
 
 " Wealth makethmany friends." Prov. x-x. 
 
 " Thr
 
 C 44 J 
 
 * e The rich man is wife." Prov. xxviii. 
 " Money anfwereth all things. 5 ' Ecc. x. 
 
 FOLLY. 
 
 " Inherit folly folly is joy." Prov. xiv. xv. 
 * e In much wifdom is much grief." Ecc. i. 
 " Lay hold on folly." Ecc. ii. 
 " Folly is fet in great dignity." Ecc. x. 
 
 TATTLING. 
 
 " Hold not thy peace." Pfa. cix 
 INJUSTICE. 
 
 " Puniih the juft." Prov. xvii. 
 
 " A juft man falleth." Prov. xxiv. 
 
 " There is not a juft man upon earth that doth 
 
 " good." Ecc. vii. 
 
 SUICIDE. 
 
 " Put a knife to thy throat." Prov. xxiii. 
 REVENGE. 
 
 " Heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord 
 " lhall reward thee." Prov. xxv. 
 
 UNCLEANNESS. 
 " Caufe thy flefli to fin." Ecc- v. 
 
 D R U N-
 
 [ 45 ] 
 
 DRUNKENNESS. 
 
 " Tarry long at the wine." Prov. xxiii. 
 
 " Give ftrong drink.*' Prov. xxxi. 
 
 " There is nothing better for a man than that he 
 
 " mould eat and drink." Ecc. ii. 
 " A man hath no better thing under the fun than 
 
 " that he fliould eat, drink, and be merry." 
 
 Ecc. viii. 
 
 COWARDICE. 
 
 " Happy is the man that feareth always." Prov. 
 xxviii. 
 
 SlN IN GENERAL. 
 
 " Be not righteous over-much." Ecc. vii. 
 
 " Though a fmner doth evil an hundred times, yet 
 
 " furely I know it fhall be well with him." 
 
 Ecc. viii. 
 " As is the good, fo is the finner." Ecc. ix. 
 
 ATHEISM. 
 " There is no God." Pfa. liii. 
 
 ABSURD as thefe applications of fcripture may 
 appear, I have known learned preachers almoil as 
 much out of the way in handling a text. A text is 
 a motto of the firft rank, as it is, or ought to be, 
 the fole bufmefs of the fubfequent difcourfe to ex 
 plain
 
 [ 46 1 
 
 plain and enforce it to the improvement of the hear 
 ers. How many fermons fall fhort of this end ? 
 How frequently is a text to a fermon, what a motto 
 is to a coat of arms mere matter of decoration ? 
 Or, which is much worfe, how often do preachers 
 diflort and mifapply texts of fcripture to favour 
 fome new do&rine or erroneous dogma ? 
 
 THERE is no doubt but that mottos may be ufed 
 to advantage, when they are fele&ed with judg 
 ment, and applied as an authority or elucidation of 
 the fubjeft in hand. They are with more propriety 
 prefixed to fhort efTays than to prolix and elaborate 
 works; becaufe the general fenfe of a concife per 
 formance may be condenfed into a few words more 
 eafily than can be expe&ed of a diifufe and volu 
 minous work. 
 
 THE
 
 C 47 
 
 THE AMBIGUITY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. 
 
 1. AM by birth a foreigner, have been fome years 
 in the mercantile way, and by a fuccefsful attention 
 to bufmefs have acquired a handfome fortune for 
 a fmgle man. Content with my acquifitions I 
 clofed all accounts, and refolved to travel, and fet 
 tle wherever my inclination ftiould determine. This 
 city, for manyreafons, became the place of my 
 choice. I found it abfolutely neceffary to devote 
 fome time to the ftudy of the English language ; 
 and for this purpofe I purchafed grammars, dictio 
 naries, and fome of the mod approved authors in 
 profe and verfe; all which I fludied with no fmall 
 affiduity. I thought, at length, that I had made a 
 confiderable proficiency ; but either I was deceiv 
 ed, or the language itfelf mufl be in the fault. 
 
 PRECISION in terms, is certainly an important 
 perfection in any language: but, in this, the En- 
 glifh tongue feems to be very deficient; witnefs the 
 opportunity it affords to your demi-witlings to 
 quibble and pun upon every occafion ; owing, as 
 I apprehend, to the ambiguity of the language : 
 many words having the fame pronunciation, but 
 2 widely
 
 C 48 j 
 
 widely differing in fignification; and many of which 
 are both pronounced and fpelt precifely alike, are 
 made to anfwer to very different ideas ; hence the 
 noble art of punning, to which the Englifli are more 
 addicted than -any other nation. 
 
 THIS want of precifion in a language may fome- 
 times be productive of real inconveniences and 
 ferious miflakes, as I know by woeful experience. 
 I will relate a few of the grievances I have fuffered 
 on this account; which may amufe you, but were, 
 at the time they happened, truly vexatious to me. 
 
 HAVING a defire that my beft room fliould be 
 genteely furnifhed, I wrote to my correfpondent in 
 London for the purpofe ; and amongil other arti 
 cles, requefted him to fend me a handfome pair of 
 dogs, and half a dozen of the mofl falhionable 
 chairs. He replied, that he had endeavoured to 
 comply with my orders. Th.at the dogs he had 
 fhipped were of an excellent breed, and were 
 thought to be very great beauties, and that he 
 had fent me as handfome a fed an as could be 
 made ; apologizing that the other five could not be 
 got ready in time for that conveyance, but mould 
 be forwarded as foon as completed. Judge of my 
 difappointment when a pair of beagles came yelp 
 ing up from the fhip. Befides the firft purchafe, I 
 4 had
 
 r 49 ] 
 
 had two guineas to pay for their paiTage, when I 
 would not have given five Ihillings for their whole 
 race. And then, to add to my mortification, whilil 
 I was unpacking my fedan chair, one of my witty 
 neighbours obferved, that I was determined to 
 have good cheer, let the world go as it would j and 
 then making three loud huzzas, faid there were, 
 three cheers more at my fervice. I wifhed the 
 chair at the devil, and curfed the language thai 
 Was liable to fo much ambiguity. I fold this chair 
 for lefs than it cod me, and had juft time to coun 
 termand the five others my correfpondent was 
 preparing to forward. 
 
 HAVING accidentally broke a lady'sjW, I ordered 
 my fervant, the next morning, to look for and pur- 
 chafe the beft and handfomefL/tf/z he could get, and 
 carry it to the lady with my compliments. My fer 
 vant returned, after an abfence of two hours, 
 and told me that the lady refufed to receive the 
 fan ; faying, that he muft certainly be miftaken j 
 that it could not be intended for her; and that flie 
 had no ufe for fuch a thing. I was furprifed, and 
 afked my fervant what he had done with it. 
 " Sir, I have brought it home with me."" Well, 
 and where is it?" " At the door in a cart." 
 " In a cart ! A fan in a cart !" I ran to the win- 
 D dow,
 
 C 5 ] 
 
 , and faw a huge Dutch fan for winnowing 
 corn. 
 
 AT another time, I wanted to rack offfomc 
 wine, and fent my blundering fervant to buy a 
 crane for the purpofe. After a long flay, he came 
 back and told me he could not find one in the 
 whole market, but had bought a turkey worth half 
 a dozen cranes ; very wifely obferving, that cranes 
 were but poor eating. In like manner, when I 
 once fent him to buy a goofe, he brought home a 
 taylor's iron goofe for my dinner. There is no end 
 to my vexations of this kind. Having an inclination 
 to ride out, I ordered him to faddle and bridle the 
 horfe : but he came into me, fome time after, with 
 the bridle in his hand, and with an embarraffed 
 countenance declared he did not know how to put 
 it on the horfe. I called him a blockhead, and 
 went out to (hew him how it fhould be done ; 
 when, behold, he had contrived to faflen my fad- 
 die on the wood-borfe 9 and had been puzzling him- 
 felf with the bridle, not knowing where to fix it. 
 At laft I got myfelf properly equipt; and intending 
 to vifit a friend a few miles out of town, I flopped 
 a man on the road, and aiked for directions to my 
 friend's houfe. He told me that I mufl go on 
 about a mile farther, and I fhould fee a large houfc 
 on the left hand, and mufl go in at a great gate. 
 
 Accord*
 
 C s 1 
 
 Accordingly, as foon as I came in fight of the 
 houfe, I put fpurs to my horfe, and rode full gal 
 lop up to the door. The family were all greatly 
 alarmed, as I had like to have ran over one of the 
 children in my way, and they were, moreover, ap- 
 prehenfive of fudden bad news. I told them that 
 I had only obferved the directions that had been 
 given me, viz. to go in at a great gait; but they 
 informed me, that the gate at the end of the lane 
 was meant, and not the gait of my horfe. 
 
 ONE of my friends having bought a fine mare 
 for me, I told my fervant to go and fetch the mare. 
 By and by comes the worlhipful the mayor of the 
 city to know what particular bufinefs I had with 
 him. I was confounded with Ihame, and had a 
 thoufand apologies to make. 
 
 BUT it would be too tedious to recount all the 
 blunders, miftakes, and croffes that have occurred 
 to me in confequence of the duplicity of the En- 
 gliih tongue. 
 
 To render a language precife and determinate, 
 
 every thing fliould have its proper name ; which 
 
 fliould differ from all other names as really as the 
 
 thing to which it belongs differs from all other 
 
 D 2 things.
 
 C 5* 3 
 
 things. By applying die fame appellation to differ 
 ent fubjech, we are under the neceflity of adding 
 Ibme explanatory word for the fake of diftin&jon : 
 which is not only a troublefome 'multiplication ot 
 words, but a clog to the language, and greatly 
 diminimes its force and elegance. Thus, we arc 
 obliged to fay, a bottle-crane^ a mtedrhirfa -*.jire- 
 etrgine, c. &c. Would it not be much better if 
 each thing had a name peculiar to itfelf, by 
 which it might, in one word, be known and dif- 
 tinguiilied from all ether things ? 
 
 ON
 
 On ADVERSITY. 
 
 J. HE lead attention will fatisfy the enquiring 
 mind, that the prefent ftate of man is not final, but 
 preparatory to a future exiflence ; the happinefs 
 or mifery of which will not be determined by the 
 unalterable decree of the omnipotent Creator, but 
 will more probably depend on the temper and ca 
 pacity of the foul of each individual to become an 
 angel of light, or a fiend of darknefs. We cannot 
 reafonably fuppofe that God will forcibly compel 
 any man to be either happy or miferable. Good 
 and evil are fet before us, and our own wills irmft 
 determine the choice. Such, indeed, are the in 
 firmities of our nature, that without divine aiTifl- 
 ance we are unable to perfevere in the paths of 
 righteoufnefs. This afliftance, however, is gra- 
 cioufly promifed to thofe who fmcerely defire it. 
 To 'will, or not io will, to be good and happy is 
 in our own power ; but really to be fo, is the 
 gift of God. He doth indeed continually incite 
 men to a happy choice by the various difpenfations 
 of his Providence : either by an accumulation of 
 benefits, which ought to engage their love and 
 gratitude j or by fullering them to. experience 
 
 D 3 the
 
 C 54 ] 
 
 the trials of advcrfity, that they may fee the va 
 nity of temporal enjoyments, and turn their views 
 to more fubftantial happinefs. Yet fo entirely 
 free is man, that he too often fuffers neither of 
 thefe powerful inducements to influence his mind 
 as they ought. The fmiles of profperity frequent 
 ly producing arrogance, felf-fufficiency, immora 
 lity, an4 excefs : and the wholefome chaftifements 
 qf an affe&ionate Father frequently creating mur- 
 murings and difcontent. 
 
 IN the early periods of life, our fenfes alone arc 
 the touch-ftones of good and evil. Whatever is 
 grateful and pleafant to them we denominate good ; 
 whatever is painful and uneafy, we denominate 
 evil. This fimple diflin&ion is fufficient for the 
 ftate of infancy, when the nurture and fecurity of 
 the body is the chief concern : but when the mind 
 comes to be enlightened by rcafon and religion, it 
 will eafily perceive, that an undue attention to 
 prefent enjoyments, or a mifapplication of them, 
 may be productive of much future inifery ; and 
 that temporal crofles and afflictions fit the foul 
 for eternal happinefs and glory. 
 
 HUMAN nature hath a ftrong abhorrence of 
 pain, grief, and care. Were it otherwife they 
 
 would
 
 C 55 1 
 
 would be of no ufe in weaning the affe&ions from 
 the vanities of the world. Moft medicines arc 
 naufeous to the palate and fevere in their operation. 
 In this their virtue confifls. Affii&ion is the me 
 dicine of the foul. It foftens the obdurate heart, 
 and renders it fufceptible of good impreffions. 
 When we are in pain and forrow, we learn to feel 
 for the diftrefs of others, and are prompted to afts 
 of charity. When we find that the pleafures of the 
 world cannot give folid, permanent fatisfa&ion 
 cannot gratify all our defires, we are induced to 
 turn to that only Being who is the fource of true 
 felicity, and in whom alone there is fulnefs of joy. 
 In the time of diftrefs w e feel and know what we 
 only had, perhaps, a tranfient idea of before, that 
 the Chriftian graces and virtues are the only true 
 fourccs of happinefs ; and will be our comfort in 
 the laft inevitable hour : when all the palliating 
 vanities of the world, and the anodynes of plea- 
 fure, mud entirely lofe their effect. The fenfibi- 
 lities attendant on affliction and diftrefs, are too 
 ilrong to be continued through the common courfc 
 of life. The wounds of the mind will heul as well 
 as thofe of the body. But if afflictions produce 
 their proper effect, the mind, ever remembering 
 that thofe things may be, will acquire a calm and 
 Heady adherence to the dictates of confcience and 
 the practice of virtue : not as a talk impofed by
 
 c 55 i 
 
 a fuperior 'power whofe wrath he would deprecate; 
 but as the higheft gratification to himfelf. He will 
 become habituated to ck> good ; and what is duty 
 in others will be nature in him. 
 
 THUS it is that the calamities of life may become 
 real bleffings, if a right ufe be made of them. If 
 the fmiles of profperity do not fill the foul with gra 
 titude, Jove, and religious joy ; they will produce 
 arrogance, felf-fufficiency and pride : If pain, dif- 
 trefs, and difappointment, the lofs of thofe we love, 
 and injuries from thofe who love not us, do not 
 wean the heart from too ftrong an attachment to the 
 tranfitory pleafures of Mfe, and direft our views to 
 better hopes ; they will either plunge us in the gid 
 dy eddies of vicious enjoyments, to drown every 
 painful fenfibility, or will throw the mind into a 
 wicked defpondency, and occafion profane mur- 
 murings againfl the Author of our exiflence, or fix 
 us in a grofs and fmful infidelity* 
 
 f 
 
 I may, perhaps, in fome parts of this paper, have 
 left open a door for controverfy. But I (hall not 
 enter the lifts with any one. I would rather fpend 
 my time in the moft unmeaning amufements, than 
 corrupt my heart with the pride and obftinacy of 
 what is called religious difputation. 
 
 PLACED
 
 r 57 3 
 
 PLACED, as we are, in a tranfitory fcene of proba 
 tion ; drawing nigher {till and nigher, day by day, 
 to that interefling crifis which muft introduce us 
 into a new fyftem of things ; ought it not to be our 
 principal concern to ufe every means that may have 
 a tendency to fit us for that heaven we hope to 
 enjoy ? This cannot be done by fpeculative opi 
 nions or ingenious theories ; but by habituating 
 the heart to devout legibilities, and making that, 
 rather than the bead, the feat of virtue. 
 
 DRY and unfruitful reafonings, on the one hand, 
 and the enthufiaftic rambles of unbridled imagina 
 tions on the other, have been the fources of much 
 error to mankind in religious matters. We are 
 not all capable of underfhmding the cafuiftical re-* 
 finemems of the book-learned, neither can we a/I 
 follow the extravagant fallies of over-heated brains ; 
 but we all know, or may know, the unqueftion- 
 able path of virtue. Let us purfue that path 
 with unremitting diligence : performing the du 
 ties of our refpeclive Rations in life with a cheerful 
 activity ; enjoying the world without being wedded 
 to its follies, and prepared to leave it when the 
 awful fummons {hall arrive. 
 
 A RE-
 
 C 5 
 
 A REVERT. 
 
 1 ACCIDENTALLY opened the 35th No. of the 
 Guardian, wherein a correfpondent informs the 
 Author, that fome learned men having determined 
 the pineal gland to be chief feat of the foul's refi- 
 dence, he had procured from a great philofopher 
 a box of muff, which had this remarkable pro 
 perty, that a pinch of it, duly adminiftered, would 
 fo affect his pineal gland as to enable his foul to 
 leave her refidence for a while, and enter that of 
 any other perfon ; where me, in a moment, be- 
 come acquainted with all the ftranger's ideas, 
 knowledge, and purfuits, by mere intuition. 
 
 AFTER reading the paper, I clofed the book, and 
 reflecting on the fmgularity of the thought, I fell 
 into one of thofe deep reveries in which the mind 
 is entirely abforbed, and rendered for a while to 
 tally inattentive to the objects of the fenfes ; form- 
 ing a kind of waking dream. 
 
 I fancied myfelf poffeffed of fome of this ex 
 traordinary fnuff, and enabled thereby to examine 
 a variety of characters, diverted of all diffimula- 
 
 tion.
 
 C 59 ] 
 
 ion. My heated imagination led me a long chace 
 through the intricate windings of the human heart. 
 The rapidity of my progrefs made it impoffiblc to 
 delineate my obfervations on paper : for it take* 
 a great deal more time to write than to think. 
 But I will try to recolleft two or three of my ex- 
 curfions for your amufement. 
 
 AFTER taking a view of many capricious 
 racters, I entered the pineal gland of a mifer. I 
 found his foul feated on her throne, with a large 
 family of domeftics around her : fome waiting 
 the orders of her will, and others executing her 
 purpofes with the utmoft attention and afliduity. 
 
 " You fee, (faid (lie) with what induftry I am 
 " labouring to fulfil the defigns of our great Cre* 
 " ator. You know that he has affigned us our re- 
 *' fpe&ive little dominions here, that by a proper 
 *' direction of the will, left free for that purpofe, 
 " we may attain happinefs. I cannot indeed fay 
 " that I have as yet quite anfwered this benevolent 
 " end; but I am ftriving for it with all poffible af- 
 " fiduity. I have, by unremitting care and atten- 
 " tion, acquired a large portion of wealth, which 
 " would, I believe, make me very happy, were it 
 " not for two terrible apprehenfions. One is, left, 
 ^ by fome unforefeen accident, I fhould be de- 
 
 " prived
 
 r i 
 
 " prived of the fruit of my long labour ; and thff 
 " other is, left an awful fummons fliould remove 
 " me from this government, and compel me to leave 
 " all my hard earned acquifitions behind- I en- 
 " deavour to guard againft the firfl of thefe evils by 
 " continually making fuch additions to my ftock as 
 " to render it improbable that any one cafualty 
 " (hould deprive me of the whole : and as the 
 " other is without remedy, I endeavour to think 
 *' of it as little as poffible." 
 
 I now took a view of her family, which I found 
 in a deplorable condition indeed and no wonder 
 fmce Avarice was prime minifter, and had gain 
 ed an entire afcendency over the foul. I faw Ho- 
 nefty languifhing under an incurable hectic : Con- 
 fcience dying of her wounds : and Honour lay gaf- 
 ping for breath, and as cold as a ftone 5 all the noble 
 pallions were benummed m&fr oft-bitten ; and as for 
 Religion, (lie was clofe confined under a fufpicion 
 of difaffecticn to the prefent government, and of 
 having formed a traitorous defign to obftrucl the 
 foul in her purfuit of happinefs. I enquired for 
 Charity ; but was told that flie died an em 
 bryo : her body, however, had been preferved in 
 fpirit, and was Ihown to me as a great curiofity 1 - 
 Natural afFeclion, fympathy 3 compalTion, and all the 
 focialfeeling-5 were crawling about naked and almoft 
 ftarved to death. In the midft, fat the foul herfelf, 
 
 fuilen,
 
 fallen, fearful, and deeply anxious. She wr.s nei 
 ther clothed with the robes of knowledge, nor de 
 corated with the jewels of fancy. In vain did Me* 
 mory ftrive to footh her melancholy, by recounting 
 the tranfactions of former times ; and Hope, who 
 fliould have fung of joys to come, had got fo bad 
 a cold that flie could not ling at all. Her palace 
 was in no better condition than her family. The 
 neceifary repairs were refufed 01; neglected deco 
 rations it had none* Within and without it exhi 
 bited the appearances of extreme poverty. Num- 
 berlefs fine aqueducts were entirely dried up and in 
 a ruinous condition : others were choaked up with 
 undigefted crudities, and the animal fpirits were in- 
 fpifiated by long inactivity, and lazily crept through 
 their rufty channels Even the throne itfelf, the pi 
 neal gland, had (Iirunk into lefs than ordinary fize; 
 from whence it had been concluded, that ths man 
 had a little foul but erroneouily, for, in fact, fouls 
 are of no fize at all. 
 
 FROM this odious habitation I flew on the wings 
 of thought to a character the very reverfc. I en 
 tered the pineal gland of a Libertine. Here all 
 was uproar and ccnfufion : the foul feemed to 
 have lofr her command. Her unruly pafilons 
 bad w reded the government from her hand, and 
 tynmnifcd over her donieftics with unlimited Avuy ; 
 
 whilfl
 
 C 62 3 
 
 the foul fat upon her throne in ftupid a- 
 mazement. Religion lay in a deep trance ; Confdence 
 was dofmg under repeated anodynes \ and the 
 the voice of Charity could not be heard in the tu 
 mult. Hope was wafting in a deep conftimption ; 
 and Fear lay, with her throat cut, a ghaftly fight, 
 but as the wound was not mortal, fhe made fre 
 quent and dreadful flruggles for life. Ambition 
 was in a ftate of infanity, and played off a thoufand 
 ridiculous gambols ; Love lay groveling in the 
 mire, with his wings dipt, and all his fine feathers 
 fullied with mud and filth ; and Honour had be 
 come fo whimfical and captious, that (he was per 
 petually embroiled in quarrels and difputes. As 
 to the palace itfelf, it was fo filled with combufti- 
 bles that I expected every minute it would take fire 
 and be entirely confumed. I left it therefore as 
 fpeedily as poffible, and by an eafy tranfition, 
 found myfelf in the pineal gland of a fot. 
 
 HERE I found the foul fitting folitary on her 
 throne, abridged of almoft all her domeftics, and 
 diverted of almoft all her powers. She was af- 
 fli&ed with a deep and incurable lethargy, near 
 ly approaching to abfolute annihilation. She 
 might have found fome degree of fatisfa&ion even 
 in her infenfibility, but that Trut/.', whofe voice 
 {he could not filence, frequently reminded her, that 
 
 the
 
 C 3 ] 
 
 the diflblution of her dominion was near at hand, 
 when the domeftics (lie had now difmhTed would 
 return, and become her perpetual tormentors, I 
 obferved, with.great furprifc, that fhe had loft 
 much of the fpirituality of her nature, and feemed 
 to be condenfed into an almoft palpable and vifible 
 mafs of matter. I fcarcely knew her to be one of 
 us her habitation, for it could not be called a pa 
 lace, was in a moft alarming condition. An inun 
 dation, highly corrofive, had infinuated itfelf into 
 every department, defiled the very feat of majefty, 
 and undermined the foundation of the building, fo 
 that it tottered on its bafe, and feemed juft ready 
 to fall in ruins. 
 
 HAVING gone thus far, I had an inclination 
 to vifit a body after the foul had left it. By an 
 effort of imagination, I pierced the grave, and 
 entered the pineal gland of a corpfe newly inter 
 red. But defcription would here be highly dik 
 gufting. Every thing I faw infpired averfion and 
 horror. The hiffings of putrid fermentation 
 the cracking of the cordage, and the burfting of 
 catarafts, founded through the hollow fabric, and 
 filled me with inconceivable terror and difmay. 
 But what alarmed me mod, I perceived a gentle 
 ofcillation beginning in the heart, and felt inyfelf 
 oonftrained by a potent influence, like a perfon op- 
 3 prefl
 
 C 64 1 
 
 preft with an Incubus. Thefe fymptoms were the 
 effects of rny prefence, and fearing Idl a con 
 nection fhould be formed, I broke the charm by 
 a violent exertion, and with pleafure returned to 
 my own body. 
 
 MY eiforts were affifted by the noife of a fife 
 and drum which jufl then palled by ray windows, 
 and raifed me from this ftrange r every. 
 
 A PRETTY
 
 A PRETTY STORY; 
 
 Written in the year 1774. 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 
 ONCE upon a time, a great while ago, there 
 lived a certain nobleman, who had long pofleffed 
 a. very valuable farm, and had a great number of 
 children and grand-children. 
 
 BESIDES the annual profits of his farm, which 
 were very confiderable, he kept a large ihop of 
 goods ; and being very fuccefsful in trade, he be 
 came in procefs of time exceeding rich and power 
 ful, infomuch that all his neighbours feared and 
 refpefted him. 
 
 HE had examined all the known fyftems o 
 oeconomy, and felefted from them, for the govern 
 ment of his own family, all fuch parts as appeared 
 to be equitable and beneficial, and omitted thofe 
 which experience had (hown to be inconvenient or 
 prejudicial : or rather, by blending their feveral 
 conflitutions together, he had fo ingenioufly coun 
 
 K ter-
 
 C 66 ] 
 
 tcr-balanced the evils of one by the benefits of 
 another, that the advantages were fully enjoyed, 
 and the inconveniences fcarcely felt. 
 
 HE never exercifed any undue authority over 
 his children or fervants; neither indeed could he 
 greatly opprefs them, if he was ever fo difpofed; for 
 it was particularly covenanted in his marriage arti 
 cles, that he ihould never impofe any tafk or hard- 
 ihips upon his children without the confeht*6f His 
 wife. 
 
 Now the cuftom in his family was this : that 
 at the end of every feven years his marriage be 
 came null and void, at which time his children and 
 grand-children met together and chofe another 
 wife for him, whom the old gentleman was oblig 
 ed to marry under the fame articles and reftriftions 
 as before. By this means the children had always a 
 great intereft in their mother-in-law, and through 
 her a reafonable check upon their father's temper. 
 For, befides that he could do nothing material re- 
 fpecling them without her approbation, {he was fole 
 miflrefs of the purfe-flrings, and gave him from 
 time to time fuch Aims as Jhe thought neceflary 
 for the expences of his fatnily. 
 
 one day in a very extraordinary good 
 
 humour,
 
 C 6 7 ] 
 
 humour, he gave his children a writing under 
 'hand and feal, by which he releafed them from 
 many badges of dependence, and confirmed to 
 them fevenal very important privileges. The 
 chief .of ^thefe were, that none of his children 
 fhould be punHhed for any offence, or fuppofed 
 offence, until twelve of his brethren had examined 
 thefafts,and declared him fubjeft to fuch punifli- 
 ment ; and, fecondly, he renewed his alfurances 
 that no tafks or hardlhips- fhould be impofed upon 
 them without the confent of their mother-in-law. 
 
 THIS writing, on account of its fingular impor 
 tance, was called THE GREAT PAPER. After it 
 was executed with the utmoft folemnity, he caufed 
 his chaplain to publifti a dire anathema againft all 
 who fliould attempt to violate the articles of the 
 Great Paper, in the words following : 
 
 " IN the name of the Father, Son, and Holy 
 Ghoft, Amen ! Whereas our Lord and Mailer, to 
 the honour of God, and for the common profit of 
 this farm, hath granted for him and his heirs for 
 ever, thefe articles above-written ; :I his chaplain 
 and fpiritual paftor of all this farm, do admonifli 
 the people of this farm, once, twice, and thrice.- 
 Becaufe that fhortnefs will not fuffer fo much delay 
 as to give knowledge to the people of thefa pre- 
 
 E 2 fenti
 
 [ 68 ] 
 
 fents in writing : I therefore enjoin .all perfons, 
 of what eftate foever they be, that they, and 
 every of them, as much as in them is, {hall uphold 
 and maintain thefe articles, granted by our Lord 
 and Mailer, in all points. And all thofe that in 
 any point do refill, or break, or in any manner, 
 hereafter procure, counfel, or any ways aflent to, 
 refift, or break thefe ordinances, or go about it by 
 word or deed, openly or privately, by any manner 
 of pretence or colour; I, the aforefaid chaplain, 
 by my authority, do excommunicate and accurfe ; 
 and from the body of our Lord Jefus Chrift, and 
 from all the company of heaven, and from all the 
 facraments of holy church, do fequefter and ex 
 clude." 
 
 p H A p. u. 
 
 NOW it came to pafs, that this nobleman had, 
 by fome means or other, acquired a right to an 
 immenfe tracl: of wild, uncultivated country, at a 
 vaft diftance from his manfion-houfe. But he fet 
 little ftore by this eftate, as it yielded him no pro 
 fit, nor was it likely fo to do ; being not only dif 
 ficult of accefs on account of the diftance, but was 
 inhabited by numerous wild beafts, very fierce and 
 favage, fo as to render it very dangerous to at 
 tempt taking pofleffion of it. 
 
 IN
 
 t 69 ] 
 
 IN procefs of time, however, fomc of his chil 
 dren, more flout and enterprifing than the reft, 
 requefted leave of their father to go and fettle in 
 this diftant country. Leave was readily obtained : 
 but before they fet out, certain articles were ftipu- 
 lated between them. The old gentleman engaged 
 on his part to protect the adventurers in their new 
 fettlement ; to affift them in chafing away the wild 
 beafts ; and to extend to them all the effential pri 
 vileges and benefits of the government under which 
 they were born : alluring them, that although 
 they would be removed fo far from his prefence, 
 they {hould always be confidered as the children 
 of his family. At the fame time he gave each of 
 them a bond* for the faithful performance of thefe 
 promifes : in which it was moreover covenanted, 
 that they {hould have the privilege of making fuch 
 rules and regulations for the good government of 
 their refpeftive families as they (hould find moft 
 convenient : provided only, that thefe rules and 
 regulations {hould not be contradictory to, or in- 
 confiftent with, the general eftabliftied orders of his 
 houfliold. 
 
 IN return, he infifted that they, on their parts, 
 fhoufd'at all times acknowledge him to be their 
 
 E 3 father:
 
 [ 7 1 
 
 father ; that they iliould not deal with others with 
 out his leave, but fend to his {hop for what they 
 might want, and not fell the produce of their lands 
 to any but tho'fe he (hould point out. 
 
 THESE preliminaries being duly adjufted, our 
 adventurers bid adieu to the comforts attd conve 
 niences of their father's houfe. Many and great 
 were the difficulties and dangers they encounter- 
 red on the way; but many more, and much grea 
 ter, on their arrival in the new country. There they 
 found mountains covered with impervious forefts, 
 and plains fteeped in ftagnated waters no friend 
 ly roof to fhelter them from the roarhlg tern* 
 peft ; no fortrefs to protect them from furroun- 
 ding dangers many funk under ficknefs and dif- 
 eafe, and others fell a prey to the barbarous ac 
 tives of the country. 
 
 THEY began, however, under all difadvantages 
 to clear the land. The woods refound with the 
 ftfokes of the ax they drain the waters from the 
 fedged morafs, and pour the fun beams on the reek 
 ing foil. They are compelled to exert all the 
 powers of induftry and ceconomy for bare fubfi- 
 ftence ; and, like their firft parents, when driven 
 from paradife, to earn their bread with the fweat 
 
 of
 
 r %i } 
 
 of th$r. b,r.ow.$. IB tjiis work they were frequent}^ 
 ifl|err.ijpted by the incurfions of the favages, a- 
 gainft whom they defended themfelves with great 
 
 LJ II ;. ,. Itt rfJ itO 
 
 magnanimity. 
 
 AFTER foretime., however, J>y their indefati 
 gable perfeverance they found themfelves comfor- 
 ta]))y. fcttled, and had the delightful profpeft of 
 fields waving wifh luxuriant harvefts,and orchards, 
 glowing with the fruits of their labour. 
 
 IN the mean \vhije they kept up a conftant cor- 
 refpondence with their father*s family; and provid 
 ed, at a great expence, the means of procuring from 
 ius $}pp' fuch goods and merchandizes as they 
 Yf^ted, for which they duly paid out of the 
 produce jpf iheir lands, and, the fruits of their 
 induftry. 
 
 c H A P. in. 
 
 NOW the new fettlers had adopted a mode of 
 government in their feveral families fimilar to .that 
 to -which they liad been acuftomed in their father's 
 houfe : particularly in .taking a new wife at the end 
 of certain periods of time, without whofe confent 
 they could do nothing material in the conduct of 
 their affairs. -Under thele circurnftances, they 
 
 thrived
 
 [ v 3 
 
 thrived exceedingly, and became very numerous, 
 living in great harmony with each other, and im 
 ionftitutional obedience to their father's wife. 
 
 To protect them againft the incurlions of the bar 
 barous natives, and the attacks of fome of their 
 neighbours, the old nobleman fent a number of hit 
 fervants, but then he required that they iliould 
 reimburfe him for the trouble and expence he was 
 at in furniming this affiftance ; and this they cheer 
 fully did, by applying from time to time to their 
 refpeftive wives for the necefTary cadi. 
 
 THUS did matters go on for a confiderable time, 
 to the mutual benefit of the old and new farms. 
 But at laft the nobleman's wife began to look with 
 an avaricious eye towards the new fettlers ; faying 
 to herfelf, if by the natural confequence of their 
 friendly intercourfe with us, and conftitutional de 
 pendence on me our wealth and power are fo much 
 encreafed, how much more would they accumu 
 late, if I can perfuade them, that all they poflefs 
 belonged originally to me, and that I may, in right 
 of my prerogative, demand of them fuch por 
 tions of their earnings as I pleafe. At the fame 
 time, being well aware of the promifes and agree 
 ments her huiband had made, and of the tenor and 
 force f theGm// Paper, ihe thought it beft to pro 
 ceed
 
 [ 73 ] 
 
 seed with great caution, and determined to gala 
 her point, if poflible, by fubtile and impercep 
 tible fleps. 
 
 FOR this purpofe, fhe firft iflued an edi&, fet- 
 ting forth That whereas the taylors of her fami 
 ly were greatly injured by the people of the new 
 farm, inafmuch as they undertook to make up their 
 own clothes, whereby the faid taylors were depri 
 ved of the benefits that fliould arife from their trade : 
 it was ordained, that for the future, the new fettlers 
 fhould not be permitted to have znyjhears * or fcif- 
 fars in their families, under fevere penalties. In con- 
 fequence of this, our adventurers were obliged to 
 have their clothes made up by the taylors of the old 
 farm, although they were well able to make them 
 up themfelves. Neverthelefs, out of refpect to the 
 old gentleman, they patiently fubmitted to this im- 
 poiition. 
 
 OBSERVING alfo, that the new fettlers were ve 
 ry fond of a kind of cyder, which they purchafed 
 of a perfon in friendfhip with their father (the fruit 
 proper for making this cyder not growing on their 
 own grounds), Ihe iffued. another ediclf, obliging 
 them to pay her a. certain ilipcnd on every barrel 
 
 * Prohibition of fpliuin-rrvi!'.--. 
 t Duty
 
 f 74 1 
 
 of this cyder ufed in their faminesTo this they 
 likewife fubmitted ; not yet feeing the fcope of her 
 defigns againft them* 
 
 THUS (he gradually proceeded in her plan, im- 
 pofmg internal taxes on the new fettlers, under 
 various pretences, and receiving the fruits of their 
 toil with both hands : moreover fhe perfua4e4 her 
 hufband tq fend amongft them, from time to time, 
 a number of the moft lazy and worthlefs of J)is 
 fervants, under the fpecious pretext of defending' 
 them in their fettlements ; but, in faft, to rid his. 
 houfe of their company, not having employment 
 for them at home : and more efpecially to be a 
 watch and a check upon the people of the new 
 farm. He had alfo ordered that thefe protec 
 tors, as they were -called, {hould be fupplied by the 
 new fettlers with bread and butter, cut in a parti 
 cular form. But the head of one of the families, 
 refufed to comply with this whimfical order. He 
 engaged to give the guefts, thus forced upon him, 
 bread and butter fufficient, but infifted that his 
 wife {hould cut it in what fliape (lie pleafed. This 
 put the old nobleman in a violent paffion, info- 
 much that he had his foil's wife put into jail *, for 
 
 prefuming 
 
 * Sufpenfion of the legiflature of New York, far .fujiplying ths 
 army with pepper and vinegar, by a5t of affembiy.
 
 r 75 1 
 
 >reiumiqg to cut her own loaf according to h<?r 
 own mind* 
 
 CHAP. iv. 
 
 AS the old nobleman advanced in years, he ne- 
 glefted the affairs of his family; leavingthem chiefly 
 to the management of his fteward. Now the 
 fteward had aftually debauched his wife, and 
 gained an entire afcendcncy over her. She na 
 longer deliberated upon meafures that might beft 
 promote the profperity of the old farm or the 
 new ; but faid and did whatever the fteward put 
 into her head. Nay, fo entirely was fhe under 
 his influence, that flie could not utter even aye or nv- 
 bt as he directed her. For he had cunningly 
 .perfuaded her, that it was very falhionable for wo 
 men of quality to wear padlocks on their lips ; and 
 he accordingly fattened a fmall padlock to each cor 
 ner of her mouth : when the one was open Ihe 
 could only cry aye ; and when the other was un 
 locked ihe could only fay no. And he took care 
 to keep the keys of thefe padlocks in his own 
 pocket ; fo that her words were the expreffions of 
 his will rather than of her own. 
 
 Now the old lady and the tteward had fet 
 
 themfelves ftrenuoufly againft the people of the 
 
 i new
 
 r 76 ] 
 
 new farm ; and began to devife ways and mcaas 
 for their total and unconditional fubje&ion. And 
 to this end they prevailed on the nobleman to lign 
 an edit againft the new fettlers ; in which it was 
 declared, that, as children, it was their duty to 
 contribute towards fupplving their father's table 
 with provifions, and towards the lupport of the 
 dignity of his family ; for which purpofes it was 
 ordained, that all their fpoons, knives and forks, 
 plates and porringers, Ihould be marked * with 
 a certain mark by officers he fliould appoint for 
 the purpofe ; for which marking they iliould pay 
 certain fees into his ftrong box : and it was or 
 dained, that they fliould not, under fevere penal 
 ties, prefume to ufe any fpoon, knife, fork, plate 
 or porringer before it had been fo marked by the 
 officer, and the fees paid. 
 
 THE inhabitants of the new farm began now 
 to fee that their father's affe&ions were alienated 
 from them ; and that their mother was but a bafc 
 mother-in-law, governed by their enemy the ftew- 
 ard. They were thrown into great confuiion and 
 diftrefs by this difcovery. They wrote the mod: 
 fupplicating letters to their father ; in which they 
 acknowledged their dependence upon him in terms 
 
 of 
 
 * The Stamp aft.
 
 r 77 i 
 
 o the moft fmcere affeftion and refpeft. They 
 reminded him of the difficulties and hardihips they 
 had fuffered in fettling this new farm ; and point 
 ed ont the great addition oC wealth and power 
 his family had acquired by their improvement of 
 an unprofitable wildernefs ; and ill owed him that 
 all the fruits of their labour muft, by a natural cir 
 culation, finally enrich his money-box. They 
 mentioned, in terms of humility, his promifes and 
 engagements to them when they left home, and 
 the bonds * he had given them ; and held up in a 
 ftrong point of view, the folemnity and impor 
 tance of the Great Paper. They acknowledged 
 that he ought to be re-imburfed the expences he 
 had incurred upon their account ; and that it was 
 their duty to ailifl in fupporting the dignity of 
 the family. All this they declared they were 
 willing and ready to do ; but requeued that they 
 might do it in the manner pointed out by the Great 
 Paper ; by applying to their refpeftive wives for 
 the keys of their money-boxes, and furnifhmg him 
 from thence : but earneftly prayed that they might 
 not be -fubjefted to the caprice and tyranny of an 
 avaricious mother-in-law, whom they had never 
 chofen, and of a fteward, who was their declared 
 enemy. 
 
 SOMS 
 * Charters.
 
 r ?s ] 
 
 SOME of 'thefe letters were intercepted by the 
 ileward 4 others indeed were delivered to the no- 
 frleman : but he was perfuaded not only -to treat 
 them with contempt, but to infift the ^more ftre- 
 mioiifly on the right his wife claimed TO mark the 
 knives and forks, plates and porringers., of the 
 fi'ew 'fewter s. 
 
 WHET* the people of the new farm heard of 
 the ill fuccefs of their letters, and underftood 
 how matters were conducted in their father's fa 
 mily, they -were exceedingly alarmed and diftreffeeL 
 They confulted together on the fituation of affairs-, 
 and determined that they would no longer fubinit 
 to the arbitrary impofitions of their mother-in-law,, 
 and of their enemy the fteward :; that they confi- 
 dered the : new decree as a direft violation of the 
 Great Paper ,- and would not pay obedience to it, 
 but would fup their broth and eat their pudding 
 as ufual, without having their fpoons, knives and 
 forks, plates or porringers, marked by the new 
 ofEcers. 
 
 THE old nobleman and his wife, finding r that 
 the new decree could not be eftabHihed without 
 actual force, and fearing the confequences of ati 
 open conteft, thought lit to annul the offenfive 
 
 edift,
 
 r 79 j 
 
 edift,imderthe pretence tftnerc expediency-* de 
 claring 'and protecting, ait the fa'me tfifie, 'that he 
 imd hi* \vife had an undoubted right to mark ; all 
 i?he furniture 'of the new fettlers, if they pleafed, 
 from the filver tarfkard in the clofet to 'the chktti- 
 TDer-.pot orider the'bed: 'that, with refpect to them, 
 he was not bound by the'fhacldes of the Great Pa 
 yer ; '^nrd in a worH, that he and wife 'had, -and 
 ought to have, an unControled power ovdr them, 
 their lives, liberties, and prdpdrpy. 
 
 THE people, however, took little riOti<5e of 
 thefe pompous declarations. They were glad 
 that the 'marking decree was 'annulled ; and were 
 in hopes 'that r by degrees things would fettle in 
 their former cotirfe, -and mutiml affeftion be 
 i reftored. 
 
 f c 'k A h\ v. 
 
 IN the mean time the new fettlers en creafed ex 
 ceedingly, their dealings at their father's {hop be 
 came proportionably enlarged, and their partia 
 lity for their brethren of the old farm was fmcere 
 and manifeft. They fuffered, indeed, fome in 
 conveniences from the protcftors which had been 
 ftationed amongil them, who- became very trou- 
 
 blefomc 
 
 '*' Declaratory' Aft.
 
 [ 8o 1 
 
 blefomc in their houfes. They introduced riot and 
 intemperance into their families, debauched their 
 daughters, and derided the orders they had made 
 for their own good government. Moreover, the 
 old nobleman had, at different times, fent over to 
 them a great number of thieves, murderers, and 
 robbers, who did much mifchief by praftiling thofe 
 crimes for which they had been banifhed from the 
 old farm. But they bore thofe evils with as much 
 patience as could be expe&ed ; not chufmg to 
 trouble their old father with complaints, unlefs in 
 cafes of important neceffity. 
 
 Now the ileward began to hate the new fettlers 
 with exceeding great hatred, and determined to 
 renew his attack upon their peace and happinefs. 
 He artfully infmuated to the nobleman and his 
 foolifh wife, that it was very mean, and unbecom 
 ing their preatnefs, to receive the contributions oi 
 
 O O 3 
 
 the people of the new farm through the confent 
 of their refpe&ive wives : that upon this footing 
 they might Come time or other refufe to comply 
 with his reqnifitions, if they fhould take into their 
 heads to think them oppreffive.and unreafonable ; 
 and that it was high time they fhould be compelled 
 to acknowledge his unlimited power and his wife's 
 wmipQiencS) which, if not enforced now, they 
 would foon be able to refift, as they were daily 
 encrcafing in numbers and ftrength. 
 
 3 ANOTHER
 
 r 8 < 3 
 
 ANOTHER decree was, therefore, prepared and 
 published, directing that the people of the new 
 farm fliould pay a certain ftipend upon particular 
 goods,* which they were not allowed to purchafe 
 any where but at their father's (hop ; fpecifying 
 that this impofition fhould not be laid as an ad 
 vance upon the original price of thefe goods, but 
 fhouid be paid as a tax on their arrival in the new 
 farm ; for the exprefs purpofe of fupporting the 
 dignity of the nobleman's family, and for re-im- 
 burfmg the expences he pretended to have been at 
 on their account. 
 
 THIS new decree occafioned great uneafinefs. 
 The people faw plainly that the fleward and their 
 mother-in-law were determined to enflave and ruin 
 them. They again confulted together, and wrote, 
 as before, the mod dutiful and perfuafive letters to 
 their father but to no purpofe a deaf ear was 
 turned againft all their remonilrances, and their 
 humble requefts rejected with contempt. 
 
 FINDING that this moderate and decent conduct 
 brought them no relief, they had recourfe to ano 
 ther expedient : they bound themfelves to each 
 other in a folemn engagement,! not to deal any 
 
 F more 
 
 * Painter's colours, glafs, &c. 
 f .Non-importation agreement.
 
 [ 82 J 
 
 more at their father's fhop, until this unconftitu- 
 tional decree fhould be repealed, which they one 
 and all declared to be a direft violation of the 
 Great Paper. 
 
 THIS agreement was fo ftriftly obferved, that in 
 a few months the clerks and apprentices in the old 
 gentleman's ftiop began to raife a terrible outcry. 
 They declared, that their mailer's trade was de 
 clining exceedingly, and that his wife and fleward 
 would by their mifchievous machinations ruin the 
 whole farm. They lharpened their pens, and at 
 tacked the fleward, and even the old lady herfelf, 
 with great feverity : infomuch, that it was thought 
 proper to withdraw this attempt alfo, upon the 
 rights and liberties of the new fettlers. One part 
 only of the decree was left Hill in force, viz. the 
 tax upon water-gruel.* 
 
 Now there were certain men f in the old farm, 
 who had obtained anexclufive right of felling wa 
 ter-gruel. Vaft quantities of this gruel were vend 
 ed amongfl the new fettlers, as they were extreme 
 ly fond of it, and ufed it univerfally in their families. 
 They did not, however, trouble themfelves much 
 about the tax on water-gruel ; they were well 
 
 pleafed 
 
 * Tea. f The India company.
 
 C 83 J 
 
 pleafed with the repeal of the other parts of the 
 decree, and fond as they were of this gruel, they 
 confidered it as not abfolutely neceffary to the 
 comfort of life, and determined to give up the ufe 
 of it in their families, and fo avoid the eifefts of 
 that part of the decree. 
 
 THE fteward found his deligns again fruftrated : 
 but was not difcouraged by the difappointment. 
 He devifed another fcheme, fo artfully contrived, 
 that he thought himfelf fure of fuccefs. He fent 
 for the perfons who had the fole right of vending 
 water-gruel ; and after reminding them of the o- 
 bligations they were under to the nobleman and 
 his wife for the exclufive privilege they enjoyed, he 
 requefted that they would fend fundry waggons la 
 den with gruel to the new farm; promifmg that the 
 accuftomed duty which they paid for their exclufive 
 right fhould be taken oif from all the gruel they 
 fhould fo fend amongft the new fettlers ; and that 
 in cafe their cargoes fhould come to any damage, 
 the lofs fhould be made good to them out of his 
 mailer's coffers. 
 
 THE gruel-merchants readily confented to this 
 propofal ; confidering that if their cargoes were 
 fold, their profits would be very great ; and if 
 they failed, the fteward was to pay the damage. 
 
 F 2 On
 
 r 84 ] 
 
 On the other hand, the fteward hoped that the 
 new fettlers would not be able to refift a tempta 
 tion, thus thrown in their way, of purchafmg 
 their favourite gruel, to which they had been fo 
 long accuftomed ; and if they did ufe it, fubjeft to 
 the tax aforefaid, he would confider this as a vo 
 luntary acknowledgement that the nobleman and 
 his wife had a right to lay upon them what impofi- 
 tions they pleafed, and as a refignation of the pri 
 vileges of the Great Paper. 
 
 BUT the new fettlers were well aware of thii 
 decoy. They faw plainly that the gruel was 
 not fent for their accommodation ; and that if 
 they fa r ered any part of it to be fold amongfl 
 them, fubjcft to the tax impofed by the new de 
 cree, it would be confidered as a willing fubmif- 
 fion to the afiumed omnipotence of their mother- 
 in-law, and a precedent for future unlimited impo- 
 iitions. Some, therefore, would not permit the wag 
 gons to be unladen at all ; but fent them back un 
 touched to the gruel-merchants ; and others fuf- 
 fered them to unload, but would not touch the 
 dangerous commodity ; fo that it lay neglefted a- 
 bout the roads and high-ways till it was quite 
 fpoiled. But one of the new fettlers, whofc name 
 was JACK, either from a keener fenfe of the in 
 juries intended, or from the neceffity of his fitua- 
 
 tion,
 
 t 5 J 
 
 tion, which was fuch that he could not fend 
 back the gruel, becaufe of a number of mercena 
 ries * whom his father had ftationed in his houfc 
 to be a watch over him he, I fay, being almoft 
 driven to defpair, flove -f- to pieces the calks o^ ^ru- 
 c.1 which had been fent him, and utterly deilroyed 
 the whole cargo. 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 THESE violent proceedings were foon known 
 at the old farm. Great was the uproar there. 
 The old nobleman fell into a furious paffion, de 
 claring that the new fettlers meant to throw off all 
 dependence upon him, and rebel againft his authori 
 ty. His wife alfo tore the padlocks from her lips, 
 and raved and ftormed like a Billingfgate, and the 
 fteward loft all patience and moderation fwearing 
 mod pt-ofanely, that he would leave no Jlone un 
 turned^ till he had humbled the fettlers of the new 
 farm at his feet, and caufed their father to tread 
 upon their necks. Moreover, the gruel- merchants 
 roared and bellowed for the lofs of their gruel ; 
 and the clerks and apprentices were in the utmoft 
 condensation left the people of the new farm ihould 
 again agree to have no dealings with their father's 
 
 (hop. 
 
 F 3 YEN- 
 
 * Board of CommifTioners. 
 
 t Deftru&ion of the tea at Bofton.
 
 r 8 <5 J 
 
 VENGEANCE was forthwith prepared, efpecially 
 againft Jack. With him they determined to be 
 gin ; hoping that by making a fevere example of 
 him, they mould fo terrify the other families, that 
 they would all fubmit to the power of the ftew- 
 ard and acknowledge the omnipotence of the 
 great Madam. 
 
 A very large padlock * was fent over to be 
 fattened on Jack's great gate ; the key of which 
 was given to the old nobleman, who was not 
 to fuffer it to be opened until Jack had paid for 
 the gruel he had fpilt, and refigned all claim to 
 the privileges of the Great Paper nor even 
 then, unlefs he fhould think fit. Secondly, A 
 decree was made to new model the regulations 
 and ceconomy of Jack's family, in fuch manner 
 that they might in future be more fubjecled to 
 the will of the fteward . And, thirdly," A large 
 gallows was erected before the manfion-houfe in 
 the old farm, that if any of Jack's children mould 
 be fufpe&ed of mifbehaviour, they (hould not be 
 convicted or acquitted by the voice of their bre 
 thren, according to the purport of the Great 
 Paper, but he tied neck and heels, and fent over 
 to be hanged on this gallows. 
 
 ON 
 
 * The Bofton Port-bill.
 
 r 8 7 i 
 
 ON hearing of thefe feverities, the people were 
 highly enraged. They were at a lofs how to aft, 
 or by what means they {liquid avoid the threat 
 ened vengeance. But the old lady and the fteward 
 perfifted. The great padlock was fattened on 
 Jack's gate, and the key given to the nobleman 
 as had been determined on ; without waiting to 
 know whether Jack would pay for the gruel, or 
 allowing him an opportunity to make any apology 
 or defence. 
 
 POOR Jack was now in a deplorable condition 
 indeed : The great inlet to his farm was entirely 
 fhut up ; fo that he could neither carry out the 
 produce of his land for fale, nor receive from 
 abroad the neceiTaries for his family. 
 
 BUT this was not all The old nobleman, a- 
 long with the padlock aforefaid, had fent an over- 
 feer * to he&or and domineer over Jack and i.-is 
 family, and to endeavour to break his fpirits by 
 every poflible feverity; for which pnrpofe, this 
 overfeer was attended by a great number of mer 
 cenaries, and armed with more than common au 
 thorities. 
 
 WHEN 
 
 * General Gage, made Governor of the province.
 
 C 8S ] 
 
 WHEN the overfeer firft arrived in Jack's fa 
 mily, he was received with great refpeft, becaufc 
 he was the delegate of their aged father. For, 
 notwithftanding all that had paft, the people of 
 the new farm loved and revered the old nobleman 
 with true filial afFeftion : and attributed his un- 
 kindnefs entirely to the intrigues of the fteward. 
 
 BUT this fair weather did not laft long. The 
 new ovcrfeer took the firft opportunity to ftiow 
 that he had no intention of living in harmony and 
 friendihip with the family Some of jfack's do- 
 meftics had put on their Sunday clothes, and waited 
 on the overfeer in the great parlour, to pay him 
 their compliments on his arrival * ; and to requefl 
 his affiftance in reconciling their father to them, 
 and reftoring peace and cordiality between the old 
 and new farms. But he, in a moft abrupt and rude 
 manner, (lopped them fliort in the midft of their 
 addrefs; called them a parcel of difobedient fcoun- 
 drels ; bid them go about their bufmefs ; and tur 
 ning round on his heel, left the room with an 
 air of contempt and difdain. 
 
 Addrefs to General Gage. 
 
 CHAP.
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 THE people of the new farm feeing the im 
 portance of their fituation, had appointed a grand 
 committee, confiding of fome of the mod refpect- 
 able characters from each family, to manage their 
 affairs in this difficult crifis. Jack., thus opprefled 
 and infulted, requefted the advice * of the grand 
 committee as to his conduct. This committee in their 
 anfwer, fympathized cordially with him in his 
 afflictions they exhorted him to bear his fuifering 
 with fortitude for a time ; affuring him, that they 
 looked upon the infults and punilhments inflicted on 
 him with the fame indignation as if they had been 
 inflicted on themfelves ; and promifed to {land by 
 and fupport him to the laft They recommended 
 it to him to be firm and fleady in the caufe of 
 liberty and their juft rights, and never to acknow 
 ledge the omnipotence of their mother-in-law, nor 
 fubmit to the machinations of their enemy the 
 fteward. 
 
 IN the mean time, left Jack's family fhould 
 fufFer for want of neceflaries, his great gate being 
 fad locked, contributions were raifed for his re 
 lief 
 
 * Bofton confults the congrds of the ftates.
 
 [ 9 ] 
 
 lief amongft the other families *, and handed to 
 him over the garden wall. 
 
 THE new overfeer Hill perfifted in his hoftile be 
 haviour, taking every opportunity to mortify and 
 infult Jack and his family obferving that fome of 
 the children and domeftics held frequent meetings 
 and confultations together, fometimes in the garret, 
 and fometimes in the liable, and understanding that 
 an agreement not to deal with their father's {hop, 
 until their grievances fhould be redreffed, was a- 
 gain talked of, he wrote a thundering prohibition!, 
 much like a pope's bull, which he caufed to be 
 parted up in every room of the houfe In which 
 he declared and protefted, that fuch meetings 
 were treafonable, traitorous, and rebellious, 
 contrary to the dignity of his matter, the no 
 bleman, and inconfiftent with the duty they 
 owed to his omnipotent wife : and threatened that 
 if two of the family fhould be found whifpering 
 together, they (hould be fent over in chains to the 
 old farm, and hanged upon the great gallows be 
 fore the manfion-houfe. 
 
 THESE 
 
 * Money raifed by the ftates for the relief of the poor of Boflon. 
 f Proclamation at Bofton forbidding town meetings.
 
 C 91 3 
 
 THESE harfli and unconftitutional proceedings 
 of the overfecr, fo highly irritated Jack, and the 
 other families of the new farm, that ******. 
 
 Cetera defunU 
 
 A PRO-
 
 A PROPHECY* 
 
 Written in 1776. 
 
 ]N O W it (hall come to pafs in the latter days, 
 that a new people lhall rife up in a far country, 
 and they {hall increafe exceedingly, and many 
 {hall flock unto them ; and they (hall build cities 
 in the wildernefs, and cultivate their lands with the 
 hand of induftry, and the fame of them {hall 
 fpread far and near. 
 
 AND it {hall be that the king of iflands mall 
 fend over and plant in the midft of them a certain 
 tree. Its bloflbms {hall be delightful to the eye ; 
 its fruit pleafant to the tafte, and its leaves {hall 
 heal them of all manner of difeafes. And the 
 people mall cultivate this tree with all poflible care, 
 and they {hall live under the fhadow of its bran 
 ches, and mall wormip it as a God. 
 
 BUT in procefs of time, there mall arife a 
 North wind, and {hall blaftthe tree, fo that it mall 
 no longer yield its fruit, or afford fhelter to the 
 
 people
 
 t 93 ] 
 
 people, but it fhall become rotten at the heart ; 
 and the North wind will break the branches 
 thereof, and they (hall fall upon the heads of the 
 people, and wound many. 
 
 THEN a prophet * {hall arife from amongft this 
 people, and he {hall exhort them, and inftruft 
 them in all manner of wifdom, and many {hall be 
 lieve in him ; and he {hall wear fpe&acles upon his 
 tiofe ; and reverence and efteem {hall refl upon his 
 brow. And he will cry aloud, and fay Seeing 
 that this tree hath no ftrength in it, and that it 
 can no longer flicker us from the winds of the 
 North, but is become rotten in the heart ; behold 
 now, let us cut it down and remove it from us : And 
 in its place we will plant another tree, young and 
 vigorous ; and we will water it, and it fliall grow, 
 and fpread its branches abroad. And moreover, 
 we will build an high wall to defend it from the 
 winds of the North', that it may be well with us, 
 and our children, and our children's children. 
 
 AND the people {hall hearken to the voice of 
 their prophet, for his fayings fliall be good in their 
 eyes. And they fliall take up every man his fpade 
 and his ax, and fliall prepare to dig up and cut 
 
 away 
 
 Dr. F n.
 
 C 94 ] 
 
 away the fluttered remains of the blafted and rot 
 ten tree, according to the words of their prophet. 
 
 THEN a certain wife man {hall arife, and (hall 
 himfelf CATO*; and he {hall flrive to perfuade the 
 peeple to put their truft in the rotten tree, and not 
 to dig it up, or remove it from its place. And he 
 {hall harangue with great vehemence, and {hall tell 
 them that a rotten tree is better than a found one ; 
 and that it is for the benefit of the people that the 
 North wind mould blow upon it, and that the bran 
 ches thereof {hould be broken and fall upon and 
 crufli them. 
 
 AND he {hall receive from the king of the if- 
 lands, fetters of gold and chains of filver j and he 
 fhall have hopes of great reward if he will fatten 
 them on the necks of the people, and chain them 
 to the trunk of the rotten tree. And this he {hall 
 ftrive to do by every infinuating art in his power. 
 And (hall tell the people, that they a^e not fetters 
 and chains, but mall be as bracelets of gold on their 
 wrifts, and rings of filver on their necks, to orna 
 ment and decorate them and their children. And 
 his words mall be fweet in the mouth, but very 
 bitter in the belly. 
 
 MOREOVER 
 Dr. s h.
 
 C 95 J 
 
 MOREOVER, he will threaten them, that if they 
 will not obey his voice, he will whittle with his 
 lips, and raw-head and. bloody-bones fliall come out 
 of France to devour them and their little ones ; 
 and he will blow with his horn, and the wild bull 
 of Spain will come and gore them with his horns, 
 and trample upon them with his hoofs, even until 
 they die. And he fhall ftand upon Mount-feir^ 
 and fhall pun upon Mount-feir in the face of all 
 the people. And all the people lhall laugh him to 
 fcorn. 
 
 AND it fliall come to pafs that certain other wife 
 men fliall alfo ftand up and oppofe themfelves to 
 Cato ; and fliall warn the people not to truft in the 
 allurements of his voice, nor be terrified with his 
 threats, and to hearken to his puns no more. And 
 they fhall encourage the people to go on with the 
 work they had taken in hand, according to the 
 words of their prophet. And they fhall earneftly 
 exhort the people to defpife and reject the fetters 
 of gold and the chains of filver, which the king of 
 the iflands would fatten upon them. 
 
 AND one of thefe wife men fhall call himfelf 
 
 CASSANDRA, and the other fliall call himfelf THE 
 
 FORESTER: and they fliall fall upon Cato., and 
 
 3 {hall
 
 I 96 ] 
 
 ftiall ftrip him of every difguife, and flicw him fla 
 ked before all the people. And Caffhndra {hall 
 tic him up, and the Forefter fhall fcourge him 
 until he fliall become exceeding fore. Never- 
 thelefs, Cato fliall not repent, but fhall harden his 
 heart, and become very ftubborn, and {hall be 
 vexed till he die. And when he {hall be dead, his 
 funeral oration fliall be pronounced. And the 
 heads of the people fhall order that his funeral 
 oration be printed ; that all men may know of his 
 death. Howbeit, in thofe days, it fhall not be 
 cuftomary for the heads of the people to defire 
 that funeral orations fhould be printed ; yet that 
 all men may know of Cato's death, and that the 
 people may be delivered from the fear of the raw- 
 head and bloody-bones of France, and the wild 
 bull of Spain 9 his funeral oration fhall be printed. 
 
 AND in procefs of time, the people fliall root up 
 the rotten tree, and in its place they fhall plant a 
 young and vigourous tree, and fhall effe&ually 
 defend it from the winds of the North by an high 
 wall. And they fhall drefs it, and prune it, and 
 cultivate it to their Own good liking. And the 
 young tree fhall grow and flourifli and fpread its 
 branches far abroad : and the people fliall dwell 
 under the fliadow of its branches, and fliall become 
 .3 an
 
 [ 97 ] 
 
 an exceeding great, powerful, and happy nation. 
 And of their encreafe there fhall be no end. 
 
 AND Cato and his works fhall be no more re 
 membered amongft them. For Cato (hall die, and 
 his works {hall follow him. 
 
 TRANS-
 
 TRANSLATION or A LETTER, 
 
 WRITTEN BY A FOREIGNER OM HIS TRATKtS. 
 
 London, Dec. 3, 1776. 
 DEAR COUNT, 
 
 J. HAVE now been fix months in England, and 
 eight weeks in this metropolis. You fliould have 
 heard from me before ; but my frequent avoca 
 tions, as well as the want of a fuitable opportunity, 
 have prevented. Agreeably to my promife, 
 however, I now fit down to give you fomc ac 
 count of the character and politics of this flrange 
 people. So copious a fubjecT: cannot be difcufTed 
 in one letter ; but you {hall hear from me again, 
 when further obfervation fliall have enabled me 
 to be more particular. 
 
 THE general character of the Englifh is certain 
 ly the moil fantaftic and abfurd that ever fell to 
 the lot of any known nation. As they are made 
 up of contradiftions, it would be unjufl to give 
 them any uniform defignation. There is fcarce a 
 
 virtue
 
 [ 99 ] 
 
 virtue that adorns the mind, or a vice that difgraces 
 human nature, but may be afcribed to them as 
 part of their national character. But the former 
 are often rendered ineffectual by mifapplication, 
 and the latter qualified by a levity of manners, 
 which (hews them not to be conftitutionally preva 
 lent. An Englilhman will treat his enemy with 
 great generofity, and his friend with ingratitude 
 and inhumanity. He will be lavifh of his wealth 
 when he has but little of it, and become a miferly 
 wretch when fortune pours her favours into his purfe. 
 He will brave the utmoft hardfhips, and encounter 
 the fevered trials with heroic fortitude ; and will 
 drown or hang himfelf becaufe the wind is in the 
 eaft. He will lend large fums to a ftranger on the 
 flighted fecurity, and refufe his neareft relation the 
 means of fubfiftence. To-day, his heart expands 
 with focial benevolence ; to-morrow, he is cold, 
 fullen and morofe To-day, he poffefles the wealth 
 of a nabob ; to-morrow, he refufes a fix-pence to 
 a beggar, left he fliould himfelf be reduced to the 
 want of that fix-pence. In a word, contradiction 
 and abfurdity make an Englifhman. 
 
 DURING the laft century, this people hath rifen 
 in wealth, power, and profperity ; but the infta- 
 bility of their temper will not permit them to en 
 joy with content any bleffing in pofleilion At 
 
 G 2 peace
 
 peace with all the world feared and refpe&ed by 
 their neighbours an eflabliilied policy, reformed 
 religion, and extenfive commerce, are circum- 
 ftances fufficient, one would fuppofe, to render any 
 people happy. But the thirft of lawlefs ambi- 
 bition can never be fatisfied. The Englifh afTumc 
 to themfelves the character of being the moft juft, 
 generous, and humane nation in the world, and 
 yet they encourage the African trade a trade 
 attended with circumflances of injuftice, cruelty, 
 and horror, that difgrace human nature ; where 
 by they faften for life, the chains of fervitude the 
 moft abjeft, and mifery the moft complete, on 
 many hundreds of their fellow creatures every 
 year. 
 
 THIS jufl and humane nation alfo fent one Clivf 
 to the Eaft Indies, to fecure a dominion for them 
 there. A country which, it {hould feem, the 
 Creator never intended for the Englifh, becauic 
 he had placed it on the oppoflte fide of the globe, 
 and made the inhabitants of a quite different com 
 plexion. This dive, however, arrived with his 
 forces in the Eafl Indies, and under the fanction 
 of his moft gracious Britannic majefty and a free 
 parliament, put to death fome hundred thoufands 
 of the inoffenfive inhabitants, by the fword, by fa 
 mine, and the moft attrocious cruelties After 
 
 which
 
 [ 101 ] 
 
 which he retured to England with immenfe ri 
 ches, and a wife fet in diamonds, and was made a 
 Lord and then cut his throat with a penknife. 
 
 You will be furprifed at this ; but the people 
 here were not fnrprifed at all. It is no uncommon 
 thing to fpend an evening with a man, in all the 
 eafy gaiety of focial life, and to hear next morning 
 that he hanged himfelf in a ftable, or pra&ifed 
 phlebotomy on his own jugular vein with a 
 razor. 
 
 THE Englifh now govern in the Eafl Indies 
 with a tyranny fo pure, fo unadulterated with any 
 mixture of juftice or humanity, as could not 
 have been exceeded in the reigns of the twelve 
 Caefars. 
 
 THIS beft of all kings has now turned his at 
 tention to AMERICA. There he had three mil 
 lions of fubje&s, who loved, honored, and obeyed 
 him. He governed them by officers of his own ap 
 pointment : he had the whole regulation of their 
 commerce ; and the over-flowings of their wealth 
 were conduced, by eafy channels, into his coffers, 
 and into the purfes of the merchants and manu- 
 fafturers of his kingdom. But he has quarrelled 
 with thefe loyal and beneficial fubjefts, becaufe they 
 G 3 are
 
 r 102 j 
 
 are fo obftinate that they will not acknowledge that 
 two and two make five. Whole volumes have been 
 written on this fubject, and all the force of rea- 
 fon and eloquence exerted to convince this wife 
 king that he is in an error. The Americans 
 have mod emphatically befeeched him to accept 
 of the undiffembled loyalty of their hearts ; de 
 claring that they are fatisfied that the fruits of 
 their induftry fhould center with him and his 
 people, as heretofore, to enrich and aggrandife 
 them ; but humbly pray that they may not be 
 compelled to acknowledge that two and two make 
 Jive, which would be to them a moil dangerous 
 and diflreffing violation of truth. But this wife 
 and humane monarch is far from being difpofed 
 to give up the point. He has rejected their pe 
 titions with fcorn, and fpurned at their oilers of 
 affeftion and fidelity ; and declares, that he will 
 even rillc the crown of his anceftors, but he will 
 make the obftinate Americans fubfcribe to his new 
 dogma. 
 
 To this end he hath fent over, not only his own 
 fleets and armies, but has hired a banditti of 
 foreign mercenaries from a petty prince, who fup- 
 ports the fpleridor of his court by felling the blood 
 of his fubjects ; and he has alfo employed negroes 
 and wild Indians to perfecute the poor A.mericans 
 
 without
 
 C 103 1 
 
 without mercy, until they {hall acknowledge that 
 two and two make Jive. 
 
 AMERICA is at this time a fcene of defolation 
 and diftrefs ; a theatre whereon is a&ed a real 
 tragedy, exhibiting every fpecies of cruelty and 
 injuftice. The royal army of this moil enlight 
 ened of all nations are raviming the women, mur 
 dering the men, and laying waile that fertile and 
 beautiful country, under the conduct of Lord and 
 General Howe; who are executing their bloody 
 mandate, with all the compofure in the world. 
 His moft gracious majefty receives, from time to 
 time, fuch accounts of their proceedings as they 
 pleafe to give him, and is as happy as fuch a mo 
 narch can be. 
 
 WHO would have thought that the peaceful 
 
 plains of America would be defolated becaufe the 
 
 inhabitants will not believe that two and two make 
 
 jive, when their good king and his wife parliament 
 
 require them fo to do. 
 
 ON the contrary, the Americans, highly refent- 
 ting this treatment, have declared, that they will 
 no longer be penfioners of the fmiles of fuch a 
 king, or fubmit to a government in which they 
 have no (hare, and over which they have no con 
 trol,
 
 C 104 ] 
 
 trol, and which is therefore, with refpc& to 
 them, a government of mere will and pleafure. 
 They have determined to be henceforth 2. free peo 
 ple ; and have publicly avowed that they will en- 
 oy the ineftimable, privileges of believing, and fay 
 ing, that tivo and two make only four, according 
 to the common fenfe of mankjnd. 
 
 How this affair will terminate, God only 
 knows : but it feems very probable, that the king 
 of England will lofe the moll valuable jewel of 
 his crown, in the purfuit of his prefent views. 
 
 You will fay, perhaps, that the king could not 
 aft fo abfurdly were he not countenanced and 
 fupported in his folly by the affent of his people. 
 But the truth is that the king, by means of his 
 miniflers hath gained fuch an afcendency over the 
 parliament, which is the conftitutional voice of the 
 people, that he can obtain their fanftion for any 
 projeft in which their rights are not openly and 
 dire&ly attacked. As to the people at large, they 
 do not trouble themfelves about the right or wrong 
 of the matter in conteft. America is a great 
 way off, and they have no feelings for what is paf- 
 fmg there. They grumble, indeed, about the dimi 
 nution of their trade in confequence of this war, 
 but leave the difcuflion of national politics to their 
 
 parliament.
 
 L 
 
 parliament. The crown hath imperceptibly ex 
 tended its prerogative fo as to deftroy the boafted 
 balance of the Britifli conftitution ; and if the 
 king's power fhould be further ftrengthened by 
 the fubjugation of America, the people of England 
 may bid adieu to their conftitutional freedom. 
 Some of the wifefl amongft them fee this, and 
 have openly declared, that the falvation of Eng 
 land depends upon the fuccefs of the Americans in 
 the prefent war. 
 
 THIS infatuated people have wearied the world, 
 for thefe hundred years with loud eulogiums 
 liberty and their conftitution; and yet they fee 
 that conftitution languifhingin a deep decay, with 
 out making any efforts for its recovery. Amufed 
 Jwith trifles, and accuflomed to venality and cor 
 ruption, they are not alarmed at the confequences 
 of their fupinenefs. They love to talk of their 
 glorious conftitution, becaufe the idea is agree 
 able, and they are fatisfied with the idea, and they 
 honour their king, becaufe it is the fafhion to honour 
 the king. Half the loyalty of the nation is fup- 
 ported by two popular fongs. viz. " Britons 
 Jlrlke home ; and Godfave the king. Thefe are vo 
 ciferated at taverns, over porter, punch and wine, 
 till the imagination is heated, and the blood in 
 a ferment, and then thefe pot-valiant patriots fal-
 
 3 
 
 
 ly forth and commit all manner of riot and cxcefs 
 
 in honour of their king and country. 
 
 THERE are fanatics in politics as well as in re 
 ligion, and both are managed in the fame way, 
 viz. by keeping up the' delufion in which they 
 delight. The men in power well know the weak- 
 nefs of the multitude, and when they obferve 
 them to grow uneafy under the too barefaced en 
 croachments of prerogative, they get half a do 
 zen of court fcribblers to expatiate on the glories 
 of the Britifh conftitution, and to fing the fweet 
 Lullaby of Liberty to the people and all is well. 
 Juft fo a nurfe rattles three pieces of tin in a little 
 rum baiket to amufe her crying child. The poor 
 infant thinks it has the world in poffeffion, and is 
 fatisfied. 
 
 THE extreme ignorance of the common peo 
 ple of this civilized country can fcarce be cre 
 dited. In general they know nothing beyond the 
 particular branch of bufmefs which their parents or 
 the parim happened to chufe for them. This, in 
 deed, they praftife with unremitting diligence ; 
 but never think of extending their knowledge 
 farther. 
 
 A ma-
 
 A manufacturer has been brought up a maker 
 of pin-heads: He has been at this bufmefs forty 
 years, and of courfe makes pin-heads with great 
 dexterity; but he cannot make a whole pin for 
 his life. He thinks it is the perfection of hu 
 man nature to make pin-heads. He leaves other 
 matters to inferior abilities. It is enough for 
 him, that he believes in the Athanafian Creed, re 
 verences the fplendor of the court, and makes 
 pin-heads. This he conceives to be the fum-total 
 of religion, politics, and trade. He is fure that 
 London is the fined city in the world; black- 
 friars bridge the mod fuperb of all poffible brid 
 ges ; and the river Thames, the largeft river in 
 univerfe. It is in vain to tell him that there arc 
 many rivers in America, in comparifon of which 
 the Thames is but a ditch ; that there are fmgle 
 provinces there larger than all England ; and that 
 the colonies, formerly belonging to Great-Britain, 
 now independant ftates, are vaftly more exten- 
 five than England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland, 
 taken all together He cannot conceive this. He 
 goes into his bed parlour, and looks on a map of 
 England, four feet fquare ; on the other fide of the 
 room he fees a map of North and South America, 
 not more than two feet fquare, and exclaims 
 How can thefe things be ! It is altogether impoffi- 
 ble ! He has read the Arabian Nights Entertain 
 ment
 
 [ roS ] 
 
 rncnt, and he hears this wonderful account of 
 America he believes the one as much as the 
 other That a giant fliould rife out of the fea, 
 or that the Delaware (hould be larger than the 
 Thames, are equally incredible to him. Talk to 
 him of the Britifh constitution, he will tell you it 
 is a glorious conftitution Alt him what it is, 
 and he is ignorant of its firft principles ; but he is 
 fure that he can make and fell pin-heads under it. 
 Mention the freedom of elections, and he will tell 
 that he does not meddle in thefe matters ; that he 
 lives in a borough ; and that it is impoffible but 
 that fquire Goofc-Cap muft reprefent that borough 
 in parliament becaufe Squire Goofe-Cap is ac 
 quainted with the prime minifter, and his Lady 
 comes every Sunday to the pariih church in a 
 brocaded gown ; and fits in a pew lined with 
 green cloth How then can it be otherwife but 
 thefe are things in which he is not concerned. 
 He believes in the Athanafian Creed, honours the 
 king, and makes pin-heads and what more can 
 be expefted of man. 
 
 IT is not fo in America. The lowed tradefman 
 there is not without fome degree of general know 
 ledge. They turn their hands to every thing ; their 
 fituation obliges them to do fo. A farmer there 
 cannot run to an artifl upon every trifling occa- 
 f lon lie mufl make and mend and contrive for 
 
 himfelf.
 
 himfelf. This, I obferved in my travels through 
 that country. In many towns, and in every city, 
 they have public libraries. Not a tradefman but 
 will find time to read. He acquires knowledge 
 imperceptibly. He is amufed with voyages and 
 travels, and becomes acquainted with the geogra 
 phy, cuftoms, and commerce of other countries. 
 He reads political difquifitions, and learns the great 
 out-lines of his rights as a man and as a citizen 
 He dips a little into philofophy, and knows that 
 the apparent motion of the fun is occafioned by 
 the real motion of the earth In a word, he is fure 
 that, notwithstanding the determination of king, 
 lords, and commons to the contrary, two and two 
 can never make five. 
 
 SUCH are the people of England, and fuch the 
 people of America. Thefe nations are now at 
 daggers drawn. At firft, the Americans knew 
 little or nothing of the art of war, but they im 
 prove daily. The Britim troops are teaching 
 them how to conquer ; and they find them very 
 apt fcholars. The probable confequence is, that 
 England will lofe, and America gain, an empire. 
 If George the Third ihould fubjugate America on 
 his prefent principles, all good men will abhor 
 him as a tyrant ; if he (hould fail in his project, all 
 wife men will defpife him for riiking the immenfe 
 
 advantages
 
 [ "0 I 
 
 advantages he derived from a friendly connection 
 with that country. 
 
 BUT it is time to conclude this long Letter 
 for the prefent, therefore adieu ! and believe me 
 ever, 
 
 Your, &c. &c. &c. 
 
 A PO-
 
 [ III 1 
 
 A POLITICAL CATECHISM 
 
 Written i* 1777. 
 
 $ueftion. "WHAT is WAR ? 
 
 Anfwer. The curfe of mankind ; the mother 
 of famine and peftilence ; the fource of compli 
 cated miferies ; and the undiftinguifhing deftroy- 
 er of the human fpecies. 
 
 J. How is war divided ? 
 
 A. Into offenfi've and de/en/lvc. 
 
 J^ What is the general objeft of an ofFenfivc 
 war ? 
 
 A. Sometimes it is to regain by the fword 
 what had been unjuftly taken from the rightful pof- 
 fefibr: Sometimes to prevent impending dangers, 
 which cannot be avoided by other means : But, 
 for the molt part, it is undertaken to gratify the 
 ambition of a prince, who wifhes to fubjecl to his 
 arbitrary will a people whom God created free, 
 r and
 
 r "2 ] 
 
 and to gain an uncontrouled dominion over their 
 rights and property. 
 
 j^. Are there any inftances of fuch princes ? 
 
 A. Yes, many. Hiflory is filled with the wick 
 ed lives and miferable deaths of tyrants. The 
 prefent king of Great Britain, whofe hiftory is 
 not yet completed, is a living example of fuch a 
 prince. He carried an offenfive war into the Eajl 
 Indies, and deprived many thoufands of thofe in 
 nocent people of their lives and property : and he 
 is now carrying on an offenfive war in America, 
 without one fpecious plea of juftice for fo doing : 
 Moft wickedly aiming at the abfolute difpofal of 
 that extenfive country, and its numerous inhabi 
 tants. For this purpofe he has fpread defolation 
 and death amongft thf ir friendly habitations, and 
 profecutes his wicked defign with aggravated cru 
 elty and horror. 
 
 J^. What may juftly be faid of fuch a prince ? 
 
 A. That he looks on his fellow-creatures as 
 created only for his ufe, and makes their mifery 
 his fport. That the fpirit of thoufands, who have 
 fallen a facrifice to his ambition, flutter round the 
 poliihed points of his imperial crown, and cry to 
 i heaven
 
 r 3 3 
 
 heaven for juftice that his throne refls on the 
 fculls of the {lain- that his unhallowed feafls arc 
 defiled with blood and that the curfes of widows 
 and orphans are poured out againft him at every 
 rifmg fun. 
 
 THAT hiftory will do juftice to his memory, 
 and record his crimes with his name, for the ab 
 horrence of posterity and that the blood he has 
 wantonly fpilt in unjuft purfuits will moft affuredly 
 be required of his hands. 
 
 ^ WHAT is defenfwe war ? 
 
 A. IT is to take'up arms in opposition to the in- 
 vafions of ufurped power, and bravely fuffer pre- 
 fent hardfhips, and encounter prefent dangers, to 
 fecure the rights of humanity, and the bleflings of 
 freedom, to generations yet unborn. 
 
 J^. Is even defenfive war juftifiable in a reli 
 gious view ? 
 
 A. THE foundation of war is laid in the wick- 
 cdnefs of mankind. Were all men juft and good, 
 there would be no caufe of contention amongft 
 them ; but as the cafe is far otherwife, war is be 
 come abfolutely neceffary, as many other infti- 
 
 H tutions
 
 r "4 ] 
 
 tutions are, which derive their origin from the 
 weaknefs or wickednefs of men. Even laws and 
 government would be ufelefs encumbrances were 
 there no open violence or fecret treachery to be 
 guarded a.-^aind. God has given man wit to con 
 trive, power to execute, and freedom of will to di 
 rect his condnft. It cannot be but that fome, 
 from a depravity of will, will abufe thefe privi 
 leges, and exert thefe powers to the injury of o- 
 thers : and the opprefTed would have no fafety or 
 redrefs but by exerting the fame powers in their 
 defence : and it is our duty to fet a proper value 
 upon, and defend to the utmoft, our juft rights, 
 and the bleffings of life : other wife a few mif- 
 creants would tyrannife over the reft of mank'nd, 
 and make the paiHve multitude the flaves of their 
 power. Thus it is that defen/ive is not only jufli- 
 fiable, but an indifpenfable duty. 
 
 ^ Is it upon thefe principles that the people of 
 America are refilling the arms of Great-Bri 
 tain, and oppofmg force with force ? 
 
 A. STRICTLY fo The Americans had nothing 
 in view but to live peaceably and dutifully under a 
 conftitutional fubjeftion to their acknowledged fo- 
 vereign. They patiently fubmitted to many un- 
 juft encroachments of power. They were not te 
 nacious
 
 r "s j 
 
 tiacious of every right; But at laft the ddigns of 
 Great-Britain became too manifeft tobemiftaken: 
 and the Americans were urged on to the diftref- 
 fing ncceffity of chufing one of two great evils j 
 either to enlift themfelves, and their unborn pofte- 
 rity^ the unconditional flaves of a corrupt and 
 wicked adminiftration ; or to brave the horrors of 
 war, under every difadvantage, in a noble ftruggle 
 for the rights of mankind. They have refolutely 
 determined on the latter ; and after folemnly ap 
 pealing to God and the world for the juftice of 
 their caufe, are profecuting the war with promifing 
 hopes of fuccefs. Supported by the rectitude of 
 their principles, they have furmounted the greateft 
 difficulties, and have exhibited inilances ofperfon- 
 al bravery and military conduct not exceeded by 
 the heroes of antiquity And may Heaven profper 
 their virtuous undertaking ! 
 
 ^ BUT it has often been faid, that America is 
 in a ftate of rebellion. Tell me, therefore, what 
 is REBELLION ? 
 
 A. IT is when a great number of people, headed 
 by one or more factious leaders, aim at depofmg 
 their lawful prince, without any juft caufe of com 
 plaint, in order to place another on his throne. 
 
 Ha Is
 
 C 
 
 . Is this the cafe of the Americans ? 
 
 A. FAR otherwife. They have repeatedly de 
 clared j with the mod folemn protections, that 
 they were ready to fupport, with their lives and 
 fortunes, the prefent king of Great-Britain, on the 
 throne of his anceftors ; and only requefted, in 
 return the enjoyment of thofe rights^ which the 
 Britifh conflitution confirms to all his fubjefts; and 
 Without which, the boafted freedom of that confti- 
 tution is but a folertm mockery and an empty 
 flame. 
 
 ^. To whom has the king of England commit 
 ted the conduft of this war ? 
 
 A* To Lord and General How** 
 > WHO are thefe gentlemen ? 
 
 A. THEY are the brothers of a Colonel HOWE, 
 who fought bravely along with the Americans in 
 a former war between the Englilh and French, and 
 fell in battle. The Americans loved and honoured 
 this Colonel Howe : they lamented his fate, and at 
 their own expence erefted a monument to his me 
 mory in the town of Bofton. But thefe gentlemen, 
 Xvith unrelenting hearts, and facrilegious hands, 
 
 have
 
 
 r ? * 
 
 have defiled their brother's tomb with the blooel 
 of thofe whofe affe&ion had raifed it to his ho 
 nour; and have plunged their hoflile fwords into 
 bofoms glowing with love and efleem foi their mo 
 ther's fon. 
 
 J^ WHAT progrcfs have they made in fubdu- 
 ing America ? 
 
 A. VERY little. They got pofleflion of the 
 town of Bofton ; but could not hold it. They 
 were but tenants at will there, ftri&ly fpeaking^ 
 for their landlords ejected them without any warn 
 ing, and diftrained for rent upon certain military 
 ftores. 
 
 Q What did they next ? 
 
 A. THEY took Staten-IJland, where there was 
 nothing to oppofe them, and a part of Long- I/land^ 
 and fo ferried themfelves over to the city of New* 
 York. From thence they crept into Jerfey, and 
 taking advantage of a critical period, when the A- 
 merican troops were difbanded by the expiration 
 of their enliftments, and before a new army could 
 be raifed, they advanced to the banks of the De 
 laware^ well knowing that there was nothing to 
 oppofe their progrefs. On the banks of the De 
 ll laivare
 
 [ "8 ] 
 
 faivare they fat themfelvcs down, and fell to plun 
 dering the adjacent country. In the mean time 
 they publifhed an enticing proclamation, offering 
 pardon and protection to all thofe who would ac 
 cept of it, upon the eafy terms of unconditional 
 fubmiffion. But the Americans did not defpair : 
 they foon found a fpirited militia to fupply the 
 place of their difbanded troops until a new army 
 could he raifed. This militia, with a fmall remain 
 der of the regular troops, croiTed the Delaware at 
 midnight, in a fnow-ftorm, and following their gal 
 lant general through the mod fevere and inclement 
 weather, unexpectedly attacked, and drove the 
 enemy from their ftation in the utmoft confufion, 
 and made twelve hundred of their men prifoners 
 of war, and then re-croiTcd the river to their for 
 mer encampment. The Britifh then rallied, and 
 returned to their poft, knowing that a large rein 
 forcement was on the way to their relief. But the 
 American general, having a range of fires along 
 the banks of the river to deceive the enemy, 
 marched his army in the night, re-croffed the De 
 laware^ and by a circuitous rout, furprifed, attack 
 ed, and defeated the enemy's expected reinforce 
 ment. The royal army is now lying in Brunfwick., 
 mortified and creft-fallen. 
 
 J^ WHAT
 
 r "9 ] 
 
 ^ WHAT are the ftriking outlines of the king 
 of England's character ? 
 
 A. Injujtice^ obftinacy, and folly. He is unjuft, 
 becaufe he endeavours to get by force what is de 
 nied him by the laws of the realm over which he 
 prefides, and in direft violation of his coronation 
 oath : he is obftinate^ becaufe he refufes to hear 
 the humble petitions of an opprefled people : and 
 his/o/// is confpicuous in quarrelling with the A- 
 mericans who loved and honoured him who 
 were the faithful and zealous contributors to the 
 fupport of his crown and dignity, and a never fail 
 ing and encreafmg fource of wealth to him, and to 
 the merchants and manufacturers of his country. 
 
 ^ WHO has the chief command of the Ame 
 rican army ? 
 
 A. His Excellency GENERAL WASHINGTON. 
 ^ WHAT is his character ? 
 
 A. To him the title of Excellency is applied with 
 peculiar propriety. He is the bell and the great- 
 eil man the world ever knew. In private life, 
 he wins the hearts and wears the love of all who 
 are fo happy as to fall within the circle of his ac 
 quaintance :
 
 quaintancc. In his public character, he com 
 mands univerfal refpeft and admiration. Confci- 
 ous that the principles on which he a6h are indeed 
 founded in virtue and truth, he fleadily purfues 
 the arduous work with a mind neither deprefled 
 by difappointment and difficulties, nor elated with 
 temporary fuccefs. He retreats like a General, 
 and attacks like a Hero. Had he lived in the days 
 of idolatry, he had been worihipped as a God. 
 One age cannot do juflice to his merit ; but a 
 grateful pofterity {hall, for a fucceffion of ages, re 
 member the great deliverer of his country. 
 
 A LET-
 
 A LETTER rp LORD HOWE. 
 [December 1776.] 
 
 Mr LORD, 
 
 WHATEVER errors the court of Great Britain 
 might have fallen into in the commencement of the 
 prefent unhappy conteft with America, it was at 
 lead a politic ftep to commit the conduct of this 
 important affair to your Lordfhip, and the Ge 
 neral your brother. 
 
 THE name of Howe is dear to America ; and 
 amongft the many diftreffing difficulties we have 
 to encounter, it is no inconfiderable one to over 
 come the predilection we feel for your family. The 
 exalted virtues of your heroic brother *, whofe 
 bones are embraced by that foil you are now 
 .drenching with blood, often rife in painful re 
 membrance. 
 
 WE 
 
 * Colonel Lord 'Htnue, was in Gen. Abercombie's army at the battle 
 f Ticonderoga, and was there killed by a random (hot. The tow* 
 of Bofton erected a Monument to his memory.
 
 L I22 1 
 
 WE arc ready to acknowledge the good difpo. 
 fitions that diftinguifh your private character, and 
 whilft we feel the fmart of the wounds you 
 inflict, wifh they had been adminiftered by another 
 hand. We would fondly confider you as the ex^- 
 cutioner of another'ii wrath not your own : and 
 forgive with as much fmcerity pardon the allu- 
 fion ! as the condemned wretch forgives the ap 
 pointed officer who is about to torture him into 
 another ftate of exiftcnce. 
 
 THE idea we have of your Lordfhip's character 
 compels us to fuppofe, that before you undertook 
 this cruel talk your confcience was fully convin 
 ced, that the inflexible rules of right and ho 
 nour, and the fpirit of the Britifh conftitution, 
 fully authorifed the prefent war : and that the 
 refinance of America to the claims of the Bri- 
 tifli legiflature is, and ought, to be, deemed rebelli 
 on. Under fuch a fuppofition, can we blame 
 your Lordfhip for averting and enforcing what you 
 may believe to be the rights of your fovereign. 
 
 ' 
 
 LET the fame candour be extended to the 
 poor Americans. They think and are fully per- 
 fuaded, that neither the rules of honour or e- 
 quity, the fpirit of the Britifh conftitution, or the 
 rights of mankind, can authorife the views of Bri 
 tain
 
 t "3 J 
 
 tain in the profecution of the prefent war : on 
 the contrary they believe, that is an indifpenfable 
 duty, which they owe to themfelves and their un 
 born pofterity, to oppofe to the utmoft the troops 
 you have brought into, their country, and to re- 
 fufe fubmiffion to the yoke that is prepared for 
 them. Ought they not then to be refpe&ed as ac 
 ting upon the beft principles, however ill-founded 
 you may fuppofe thefe principles to be ? And ought 
 you not at leaft to pity, wuilit you think you 
 juftly puniihf 
 
 THE prefent difpute is, what the rights of the 
 crown and parliament are with refpeft to Ameri 
 ca, and what they are not Great Britain would 
 have us acknowledge her claims of unlimited pow 
 er ; and that too, without reafoning on the fub- 
 jeft (he will not conddcend. to reafon with us 
 (he will not receive our humble petitions, or even 
 hear what we have to fay in our own behalf we 
 muft implicitly acknowledge her claims to be juft. 
 And when, my Lord, were acknowledgements of 
 this kind ever forced upon mankind with fuccefs ? 
 To own the fupremacy of the Britim parliament 
 over the lives and properties of the people of A- 
 merica, or own the fupremacy of his holinefs over 
 our immortal fouls, are doctrines which can only 
 be eflabliflied by the fword and the faggot amongft 
 
 men
 
 r i*4 3 
 
 men who have the free ufe of their reafon. But I 
 am, perhaps, going too far j[ mean not to 
 offend, nor would I be wanting in the refpeft due 
 to your character and ftation. Should ray zeal on fo 
 interefUng a fubjeft appear fomewhat intemperate, 
 I trufl your Lordlhip will make a proper allow 
 ance, yet fuflfer me to fhed a few tears over the 
 mangled limbs of my bleeding country. 
 
 KNOW then, that devaluation, infult, murder, 
 and ruin mark the way of your favage troops 
 through this cultivated, hofpitable, and once happy 
 land. It is not enough that the manly youth, with 
 a heart high-beating in his country's caufe, is cal 
 led forth, and cut down in the field of battle, an 
 early facrifice at the fhine of Liberty; but the 
 voice of the helplefs virgin cries aloud to Heaven 
 againft the brutal force of the falacious raviiher. 
 Take a view of the country before you villages 
 in ruin, cities abandoned, and the miferable in- 
 habitants driven from their comfortable homes, 
 and all the endearing fweets of domeftic felicity, 
 to feek for flicker in this inclement feafon 
 they know not where leaving their property 
 a prey to unpitying foreigners, who deflroy, 
 witnout remorfe, what they cannot immediately 
 ufe or conveniently take away. This is no ex 
 aggerated pi&ure, over-charged in the colouring 
 
 fate
 
 [ '25 1 
 
 **~ fafts have juftified the drawing, and the mourn 
 ful occasion prompts the ftile. 
 
 SUCH is the nature of the commiiTion you have 
 come to execute amongft us. Cruel as it is, I 
 Would fain hope that you think you are only bran- 
 difhing the fword of juftice, not inflifting the rod 
 of oppreffion but how you can think fo, it is hard 
 for an American to conceive. 
 
 THE unpardonable fault of America now is the 
 declaration of Independence. When our faults 
 were lefs they were as hardly thought of. Our 
 modeft complaints were called prefumption our 
 humble petitions difmifTed with contempt no le 
 nient hand was held out no friendly meafures 
 propofed to footh the griefs we thought we fuffer- 
 ed, and prevent the horrors that now furround us 
 independence was not the wifh of America, but a 
 hard and cruel neceflity has forced us to this defpe- 
 rate determination we truft in the juftice of our 
 caufe, and leave to the God of battles the great 
 vent. 
 
 IN the mean time, though you carry on your 
 mafter's work, let not the lawlefs hand of rapine 
 fpread unnereflary defolation through our bleeding 
 ountry Arreft the plunderer's greedy grafp, 
 
 and
 
 and fuffer not the cries of the defpoiled vir7m to 
 call to Heaven for vengeance on thofe who regard 
 not God, and trample on the facred rights of hu 
 manity. Wrongs like thefe, tarnifh the luflre of 
 victory, and blaft the laurels of the brave. 
 
 A LET-
 
 I2 7 
 
 [Publiftied in 1778 ] 
 
 JN O W that you have gained the fummit of your 
 ambitious hopes, the reward of your forfeited ho 
 nour, that dear bought gratification, to obtain 
 which you have given your name to infamy, and 
 your foul to perdition now that you fit in Phila 
 delphia, the nominal governor of Pennfylvania, 
 give me leave to addrefs a few words of truth to 
 your corrupted heart. Retire for a moment from, 
 the avocations and honours of your new fuperin- 
 tendency, and review the fteps by which you have 
 mounted the flage of power fteps reeking with 
 the blood of your innocent country. 
 
 WHEN the ftorm was gathering dark and drea 
 ry over this devoted country when America 
 flood in need of all the exertions which her bed 
 patriots and mod confidential citizens could make, 
 you ftepped forward you offered yourfelf a can 
 didate, and with unwearied diligence folicited a 
 
 feat
 
 feat in the American congrefs. Your feeming 
 fincerity, and your loud complaints againft the un- 
 jufl ufurpations of the Britiih legiflature, gained 
 the confidence of your country. You were elect- 
 cd you took your feat in congrefs and let pof- 
 terity remember, that while you were yehemently 
 declaiming in that venerable fenate againft Britiih 
 tyranny, and with hypocritical zeal urging a noble 
 {land in behalf of the liberties of your country, 
 you were at the fame time betraying their 'fecrets, 
 ridiculing their ceconomy, and making fport of 
 their conduft, in private letters to your friend go 
 vernor 
 
 BUT your abilities were not equal to your trea 
 chery. Your character became fufpecled. You 
 were left out of the delegation, and fearing the 
 juft refentment of your injured country, you took 
 refuge under the banners of General Howe. You 
 well knew that profeflions alone would not recom 
 mend you to his notice : actual fervices muft be 
 rendered to raife you above neglect, and even con 
 tempt of your new patron. The general knowing 
 your conduct to have been fuch as to render all re 
 conciliation with your country impoilible, and 
 thinking that from your knowledge of the people 
 he meant to ruin, you might be a ufeful tool in his 
 hands, took you into his fervice. You found it 
 
 3 no
 
 r 1*9 1 
 
 no hard talk to come into his views ; to baniih 
 every virtuous fcnfibility, and even fteel your heart 
 againft the cries of fuffering humanity, and wade 
 through the blood of your fellow-citizens to your 
 promifed reward. Is there a curfe denounced a- 
 gainft villainy that hangs not over your head ? It 
 was owing to your poifonous influence that * * 
 took part againft his country's caufe, and involved 
 his family in mifery and diftrefs. Let their misfor 
 tunes fit heavy on your foul ! It was owing to your 
 feduftions that a hopeful young man was cut off 
 with infamy in the prime and vigour of life. Let 
 the blood of Molefworth * fit heavy on your foul ! 
 You attended the Britifh army from the Head of 
 Elk to the city of Philadelphia you rode in the 
 rear of that army in your triumphant carriage you 
 feafted your eyes with fcenes of defolation the 
 cries of ruined families, and the curfes of the diftrefT- 
 ed, compofed the mufic of your march, and your 
 horfes hoofs were wet with the blood of your flaugh- 
 tered countrymen and former friends. Is there a 
 curfe denounced againft villainy that hangs not 
 over your head ? Let thefe things fit heavy on 
 your foul ! 
 
 I BUT 
 
 * He was dete&ed in endeavouring to procure pilots to conduct 
 the Britift fleet up the Dekwarc; was tried, omvifted, and hangtd.
 
 BUT you are now in the feat of power in the 
 city of Philadelphia. The glow of gratified am 
 bition burns on your cheek, whilft like a bafhaw 
 of the eafl, you order this or that fellow-citizen to 
 prifon and punifliment. You fit down daily to a 
 board fpread with more than plenty, and know, 
 with unconcern, that numbers of your country 
 men, even fome of your former acquaintance, are 
 fuffering all the lingering anguifli of abfolute fa 
 mine in the jails of the city within your reach 
 within your power to relieve. You well know 
 that under the difcipline of that arch-fiend, Citn- 
 ningham, they have plucked the weeds of the earth 
 for food, and expired with the unchewed grafs in 
 their mouths * yet you pity not the mifery to 
 which you have yourfelf been inftrumcntal, nor 
 will you fuffer their torture to touch your heart 
 Oh! let this too, fit heavy on your foul ! 
 
 THE 
 
 * Cunningham had deferted from the Americans to the Britifli, 
 and was made keeper of the provoft prifon, The fhtte-houfe in 
 Philadelphia was made ufe of for this purpofe; and the author was 
 allured, by fome who made their efcape from thence, that they had 
 feen bodies lying in the yard of prifoners, who had died of mere 
 famine, with unchewed grafs hanging out of their mouths. Some 
 of the citizens had one day fent a bucket full of broth to the prifon 
 ers of the provoft the infernal Cunningham took it into the fiate- 
 houfe yard, and when the ftarving wretches had gathered eagerly 
 round, he kicked over the bucket with his foot, and then laughed to 
 fee them lie on their bellies and lap the flop from the ground, like 
 dogs, with their tongues.
 
 r '3' J 
 
 THE time is at hand when the army on which 
 you build your fupport muft withdraw, and aban 
 don their vain attempt. When this fhall happen, 
 then fly fly to England, for you will not be fafe 
 here your life and eftate are both forfeited and 
 both will be but a poor atonement for the wrongs 
 you have done. Fly to England, and if you fhould 
 find yourfelf defpifed and negle&ed there, as will 
 moft probably be the cafe, for the Englifli hate a 
 traitor, even though they benefit by the treafon 
 then fly thence, with the mo-nft.cYCunmngham,to the 
 barren defert, and herd with hungry beafts of prey. 
 
 THE temporary reward of iniquity you now 
 hold will foon flirink from your grafp ; and 
 the favour of him on whom you now depend will 
 ceafe, when your capacity to render the nereflary 
 Tervices fliall ceafe. This you know, and the re- 
 fleHon muft even now throw a gloom of horror 
 over your enjoyments, which the glittering tinfel 
 of your new fuperintendency cannot illumine. 
 Look back, and all is guilt look forward, and all 
 is dread. When the hiftory of the prefent times 
 fliall be recorded, the names of Galloway and Cun 
 ningham will not be omitted j and poflerity will 
 wonder at the extreme obduracy of which the hu 
 man heart is capable, and at the unmeafurable dif- 
 . tance between a traitor and a WASHINGTON. 
 
 I 2 TWO
 
 TWO LETTERS 
 
 [Publifhed in 1776.) 
 
 MR. PRINTER, 
 
 A AM a Tory, the fon of a Tory, born and bred 
 in the pure principles of unconditional fubmif- 
 fion, and a true friend to the Hanoverian family- 
 right or wrong and at all events. The king of 
 England, is in my humble opinion, entitled, jure 
 divino, to govern abfolutely, not only the Britiflj 
 empire, but the Eaft and Weft Indies not only 
 the Eafl and Weft Indies, but the continent of 
 North America not only thefe, but even the 
 whole of this paltry world. 
 
 BUT the infatuated people of this moft vile 
 portion of this moft vile planet, have been moved 
 by the inftigation of the Devil to oppofe the ear- 
 neft defire of George III. God blefs his Maje- 
 fly ! to govern them in all cafes whatever, accor 
 ding to his good will and pleafure. Fpr my own 
 
 part,.
 
 r 133 1 
 
 jpart, I truly abominate and abhor their rebelli 
 ous obflinacy. His Majefty hath been pleafed, in 
 his great goodnefs, and to my unfpeakable fatif- 
 Fa&ion, to fend over his fleets and armies to con 
 quer and fubdue this horrible country. Now, it is 
 the indifpenfable duty of all thofe who would be 
 called the friends of arbitrary government and of 
 the faid George III. to render all the affiilance in 
 their power to the aforefaid fleets and armies, 
 and to the worthy Lords and Generals, whom 
 this juft and benign monarch hath commiffioned 
 to direft and manage them; 
 
 AMONGST the implements of war, the Pen 
 and the printing Prefs are not the moft infignifi- 
 cant. It is true, they can break no bones can 
 fhed no blood but they can inftigate men to do 
 both : and by their influence over the minds of 
 the multitude, can, perhaps, do more towards 
 gaining a point, or oppofing a piirpofe, than the 
 fword or the bayonet. For this reafon, I have 
 anxioufly defired to fee a printing prefs in this ci 
 ty fubfervient td the purpofes of Lord and Ge 
 neral Howe ; and it is with great fatisfa&ion I 
 find they have at laft got a printer to their mind 
 one perfectly difpofed to forward their humane 
 defigns. I was boafting, in the fulnefs of my 
 heart, of The Pennfyhania Ledger ', printed by Mr 
 
 I 3 Humphreys^
 
 C '34 3 
 
 Humphreys, to a friend whom I fuppofcd to 
 be a tory like myfelf : but 1 had quite mif- 
 taken my man. He had the aflurance to addrefs 
 me on the fubjeCt in the following manner. I 
 will give it nearly in his own words, that you may 
 fee what dangerous characters we have amongft 
 us. 
 
 " IT has been the policy of every government, 
 " (faid he) from the beginning of time to this 
 " day, when the honour, fafety, and exiftence of 
 " that government depended on the fate of war, 
 " to ufe every poffible means to forward and 
 " ftrengthen the efforts of its citizens and friends, 
 " and to counteract the force and fubtlety of its 
 " enemies. 
 
 " FOR this end, even under the moft popular 
 ' constitutions, many of the facred rights of the 
 " people have been hard preifed, and even fufpen- 
 " ded, and that without endangering the confti- 
 " tution, provided fuch extraordinary exertions 
 " of government be manifeftly fan&ioned by the 
 *' neceffity of the cafe. The Britiih king, with- 
 " out even the plea of neceffity impreffes men 
 " for fupplying his navy in time of war ; a 
 e< praClice not authorifed by the court itution, and 
 
 a high
 
 [ '35 ] 
 
 te a high infringement of the pcrfonal rights 
 of the fubjeft. 
 
 " THE liberty of the prefs has ever been juftly 
 " efteemed'as one of the moft important popular 
 " privileges in a free government. It is indeed 
 " highly reafonable that the channels of informa- 
 " don mould be kept open and uncorrupted and 
 " no man holds this right-in more facred eftimation 
 " than I do. But when this privilege is manifeft- 
 " ly abufed,and the prefs becomes an engine in the 
 " hands of an enemy for fowing dangerous diffen- 
 " tions, fpreading falfe alarms, and undermining 
 " the defenfive operations of government in an 
 " hour of danger, ought not that government 
 " upon the undeniable principles of felf-preferva- 
 " don, to filence, by its own authority, fuch an in- 
 " ternal enemy to its peace and fafety ? I have now 
 " in view The Pennfyl-vanla Ledger, a paper mani- 
 " feftly in the inierefls of the enemy: whether 
 " we confider the complexion of the paper itfelf, 
 " or the known political character of the editor. 
 " Why mould a dangerous lenity proteft a man 
 " in the abufe of that very lenity which is his 
 " only fecurity, and on which he fo ungratefully 
 4i prefumes ? or why {hould he, under the fanftion 
 " of one right, be permitted to aim at the fubver- 
 " fion of all the other rights of his country ? 
 
 " Would
 
 r 136 ] 
 
 ** Would not our council of fafcty be very juftifi- 
 " able in filencing a prefs, whofe weekly prochicti- 
 " ons infult the feelings of the people, and are fo 
 " openly inimical to the American caufe?" 
 
 DID you everliear fuch a fellow ? For my part 
 I was fo {hocked at his principles, that I left him 
 abruptly, and am determined to have no more 
 communication with him. 
 
 Mr
 
 '37 
 
 MR. PRINTER, 
 
 IT is not cafy to conceive how much I was fur- 
 prifed and difappointed at the difcourfc of my 
 friend, as communicated to you in my laft. There 
 are indeed fome whom we confide in with fafety in 
 thefe precarious times : and people fliould be very 
 cautious in opening their minds before perfons of 
 a doubtful political character. 
 
 IT is a rule in our tory fociety to be very cir- 
 cumfpeft in this particular But I confefs that, in 
 this inftance, I was not as prudent as I (hould have 
 been ; and I have had the mortification of be 
 ing reprimanded for my indifcretion before a full 
 meeting. 
 
 You can hardly imagine what regularity pre 
 vails in our board of tories. We are all formed 
 into committees of various denominations, and 
 appointed to various duties. I have myfelf the 
 honour to belong to the committee of wiles andftra- 
 tagems. It was I, Mr. Printer, who planned the 
 fchemc for dealing the mail fent byGeneral Wafh- 
 
 ington
 
 C '3" "1 
 
 ington to congrefs *. And my defigu was fo 
 fuccefsfully executed, that whilfl the committee of 
 congrefs were fearching Briftol for thofe letters, 
 they were then on their way to our friend General 
 Howe ; where they fafely arrived, as we have 
 been fince informed. You may be fure that I 
 gained great applaufe for this manoeuvre* 
 
 WE have alfo a committee of falfe reports ; 
 whofe duty is to fabricate and publifh fuch articles 
 of intelligence as may tend to alarm and terrify 
 timid whigs, and diftraft the minds of the people. 
 Thefe are circulated at fuch times as the fituation 
 of public affairs may make them moft probable. 
 Sometimes they are thrown out in whifpers, in fo 
 dark and fecret a manner that their origin cannot 
 be traced ; and at other times openly, by means 
 of the Pennfyfoania Ledger. 
 
 WE have, moreover a committee of true intelligence; 
 whofe bufmefs it is to employ a number of fpies, 
 who are dire&ed to mix amongft the people in the 
 aifumed character of zealous whigs ; to hire 
 
 themfelves 
 
 * By this Mail (which was ftole from off the exprcfs horfe, 
 whilft he was refrefliing fiimfelf at Briftol) Gen. Howe was infor 
 med of the fituation of the American army, and of the day on 
 which m/>ft of the troops would be difbanded by the expiration of their 
 enliftments. He accordingly came into Jerfey with his whole force 
 at tiie critical time and drove Gen. Wafiiinjjton over tjte Dulawafe.
 
 [ '39 1 
 
 themfelves as fervants and waiters in houfes and 
 taverns frequented by members of congreis. 
 This committee holds a regular correfpondencc 
 with our friends in the Britifli army ; fo that we 
 are certainly informed of what paffes on both 
 iides, from the beft authority, and are thereby 
 enabled to take all advantages. Happily for us, 
 the feveral ferries and ftages have as yet been left 
 free and open, fo that our rneffengers pafs and re- 
 pafs without examination, and of confequence this 
 department has been attended with little or no 
 difficulty. 
 
 AN OTHER committee is called the committee sf 
 lies: whole duty differs from that offalfe reports in 
 this the latter is to circulate mifreprefentations 
 of fa&s refpe&ing the armies, and things of a 
 public nature, on the large fcale: whilft the former 
 only frame temporary lies for the ufe of this city : 
 particularly refpeting the deliberations and in 
 tentions of congrefs. Thefe lies muft be frelh. 
 and frefh every day ; and always fupported by a 
 ftrong affertion that the information came from 
 fome leaky member of congrefs; generally without 
 mentioning the name of any individual member ; 
 yet, in cafes of urgency, the real name of fome 
 leading chafafter may be adduced ; when the lie 
 
 in ay
 
 [ 14* ] 
 
 fhay have had its operation before it can be confrzu 
 difted. 
 
 THERE is likewife a committee of extortion; 
 thefe are wealthy men, who monopolize, as far as 
 they can, the articles mofl wanted for the rebel 
 army ; buy up the necefTaries of life, and put on 
 them the higheft prices they can with any appear 
 ance of propriety, in order to make the people 
 difcontented and uneafy. 
 
 THE laft committee I {hall mention is the com* 
 mittee of depreciation as important as any they 
 are to take all poffible pains, and to exercife every 
 fubtile art to run down and depreciate the Conti 
 nental currency. This committee is very large., 
 and compofed chiefly of brokers and monied men. 
 They get fome of this money, and run with it to 
 difcharge any debts they may have contra&ed, with 
 a feeming anxiety to get rid of it as faft as pofliblc. 
 If they have goods for fale, they openly avow 
 three prices : one, if the purchafer will agree to 
 pay in hard money; an higher price, if in pro 
 vincial paper, under the old government ; and a 
 flill higher, if in the prefent continental bills of 
 credit. But we have many other ways of bring 
 ing that currency into difrepute, which I am not 
 at liberty to mention. 
 
 3 I would
 
 I would give a lift of the men of moft influence 
 in our fociety at prefent this would be impro 
 per : but I will be more explicit hereafter, when 
 ttryifm may be more fafely and openly avowed. 
 
 SOME narrow minded people fay, that we are do 
 ing all we can to ruin our country, and entail a mi- 
 ferablc flavery on our unborn pofterity. We believe 
 we are doing the befl we can for ourfelves and 
 pray what has pofterity done for us, that we Ihould 
 run the rifk of confifcation and a halter for them ? 
 Our fixed opinion is, that the Britifh army muft e- 
 yentually fubdue this country ~andfetting the right 
 pr wrong of the thing out of the queftion, we 
 think we may as well have the reputation and ad 
 vantage of affifting them in their defigns as not. 
 'Tis true, if the Britiih Generals fhould fucceed in 
 their enterprife we may fee our neighbours and 
 friends imprifoned by hundreds, and hanged by 
 dozens j their eftates confifcated, and their chil 
 dren turned out to beggary and want ; but then 
 we (hall ourfelves efcape, and enjoy in fafety our 
 lives and eftates and, perhaps, be even promoted, 
 for our prefent fervices, to places of honour and 
 
 emolument. 
 
 I am, &c. 
 
 A TORY. 
 - A LET-
 
 A LETTS 
 
 [January 1778.] 
 
 MR. COLLINS, 
 
 WliEN neceffity firft compelled us to take up 
 arms in defence of our country, we thought our 
 only bufmefs would be to oppofe ftrength to 
 ftrength, in the ufua.1 courfe of war : and accord 
 ingly, we provided ourfelves with guns, bayonets, 
 powder, ball, &c. 
 
 BUT experience fhews that we were miftaken. 
 Other weapons of lefs mortal, but not lefs dan 
 gerous effect, are exercifed againft us by the ene 
 my, and we are very deficient on our parts. It is 
 now high time that congrefs fhould enable us to 
 meet the foe with equal arms. In fliort, Mr. Col 
 lins, we want men of abilities to ferve the United 
 States in the capacity of public Liars. 
 
 HOWEVER,
 
 t 143 3 
 
 HOWEVER ftrange fuch an appointment may 
 appear at firft view, we find that the experienced 
 commanders of the Britifh army have not thought 
 it unworthy of their attention. It is manifeft that 
 our enemies depend much on their fuperiority in 
 the art of lying. In the very commencement of 
 the war, the Britiih minifter was at the trouble and 
 expence of fending over a whole fliip load of lies 
 in a pamphlet, entitled An Addrefs to the People of 
 America^ to be difperfed among the people. After 
 this, many other lying pamphlets and papers were 
 difcharged from the royal batteries. Lord Howe 
 fent a lie to congrefs by Gen. Sullivan, requeft- 
 ing a conference for the eftabliftiment of peace 
 knowing, at the fame time, he had neither the in 
 tention nor the power to make peace, But 
 this was only priming the cannon his principal 
 aim was to fend a thundering lie to Europe, and 
 particularly to France., informing that congrefs 
 was about to fubmit, and had actually entered up 
 on a treaty with the Britifh generals for that pur- 
 pofe. And Sir William Howe let off another //>, 
 not long fmce, by means of the unfortunate John 
 Brown but that miffed its aim. 
 
 As foon as the Howes got to New York, they 
 appointed their liar general, who played off in 
 numerable lies from the batteries of Rivington 
 i and
 
 [ '44 ] 
 
 and Game * to our great annoyance. They have 
 now an able officer of this kind in Philadelphia, 
 who has taken charge of Fort Humphreys * and 
 Fort Town *. For it cannot be fuppofed that 
 MelT. Humphreys and Town are the original au 
 thors of thofe elegant and well conflrufted lies 
 which they publifh every week. 
 
 I have heard of a man in England, fome years 
 ago, called a Ventriloquift, who had the extraor. 
 dinary faculty of making his voice feem to come 
 from where he pleafed. This man kept a great 
 dog, and for the entertainment of his vifitors, 
 would throw his voice into the dog's belly ; and 
 then wagging the poor bead's jaws with his hands, 
 made him fecm to fay any thing he pleafed. Thus 
 it is with Humphrey* and Town. The liar 
 general is the man with a wonderful voice, and 
 they are only his dogs, whom he caufes to utter 
 what he thinks proper. Thus, in a late Evening 
 Pod, Mr. Town feems to addrefs the public, in 
 propria perfo?ia, in a long declamation on con- 
 greflional tyranny and Britifli clemency All 
 H es in order to introduce two greater lies, fanc- 
 tified by the name of Jofeph Galloway ^whom, 
 to tell the truth, I do fufpeft to be the very liar 
 
 general himfelf. 
 
 NOTHING. 
 
 * Pi-inters of Newfpapers.
 
 [ '45 ] 
 
 NOTHING woul'l L-- :nore vain than to attempt 
 to counteract thefe produ&ions of the Brkilli I/ing 
 offices in New Yo.-k and Philadelphia, with fe- 
 rious anfwers of truth and reafon : like muft be 
 oppofed to like and therefore I hope that con- 
 grefs will no longer delay to eftablilh lying offices 
 on our fide of the queftion, with handfome falaries 
 annexed : and would earneflly recommend this 
 my project to their ferious confederation. Let 
 there be an advertifement forthwith published by 
 authority, to the following effecT: : 
 
 " WANTED, for the continental fervice, a 
 " perfon well qualified for the office of liar 
 " generally the United States: Alfo three afliftants 
 " or petit-liar -s 9 in faid office. Thofe who arc 
 " willing and able to ferve their country in this de- 
 " partment, are requefted to fend in their names to 
 " **** on or before the ftrfl day. of March next. 
 
 " As it is fuppofed there may be a number of 
 " perfons well verfed in this art amongft the tones ^ 
 " free pardon and good encouragement will be gi- 
 " ven to fuch as will exert their lying faculties in 
 " favour of their country. 
 
 " N. B. Specimens of ability will be required of 
 " the candidates." 
 
 K AN
 
 AM ANSWER TO GENERAL BURGOYNE' 
 PROCLAMATION.* 
 
 To John Burgoyne, efq. lieutenant-general of bis 
 majefty's armies In America; colonel of the queen's 
 regiment of light dragoons ; governor of Fort- 
 William in North- Britain ; one of the reprefenta- 
 tives of the commons of Great- Britain; and com 
 manding an army and fleet employed on an expedi 
 tion from Canada, &c. &c. &c. 
 
 Moft high ! moft mighty ! moft puiiTant, and fub- 
 lime lieutenant-general ! 
 
 WHEN the forces under your command arriv 
 ed at Quebec, in order to act in concert and upon a 
 common principle with the numerous fleets and armies 
 which already difplay in every quarter of Ameri 
 ca* 
 
 * When General Burgoyne undertook his unfuccefsful expedition 
 from Canada, he addreffed the inhabitants of the country through 
 v.'hich he was to march in a moft ablurd and ridiculous proclamation : 
 thinking to over-awe them by a pompous parade of his titles and 
 honours, and to terrify them by an inflated and bombaftic ftile. In 
 this ironical anfwer, the lines diftinguifhed by Italics are literal quo 
 tations from the general's famous proclamation.
 
 C 147 ] 
 
 ta, the jujiice and mercy of your king ; We the rep 
 tiles of America, were feized with unufual trepi 
 dation and confounded with difiiiay. But what 
 words can exprefs the plenitude of our horror 
 when the colonel of the queen's regiment of light 
 dragoons advanced towards Ticonderoga. The 
 mountains trembled before thee, and the trees of 
 the foreft bowed their lofty heads : the vaft lakes of 
 the weft were chilled at thy prefence, and the ftu- 
 pendous cataraft of Niagara bellowed at thy ap 
 proach. Judge then, oh ! ineffable governor of 
 Fort-William in North-Britain ! what muft have 
 been the confternation, terrorj and defpair of us 
 miferable Americans, whilft in your irrefiftible ad 
 vances you laid all wafte with fire and fword, more 
 fully to difplay the juftice and mercy of your king. 
 Dark and dreary was the profpeft before us, till, 
 like the fun in the eaft, your moft generous, mofl 
 fublime, and inimitable proclamation ftied abroad 
 the cheering rays of prote&ion and mercy, and 
 fhone upon the only path that could lead us from 
 the pit of annihilation; 
 
 WE foolifhly thought, ignorant as we were, that 
 your gracious matter's fleet and armies were come 
 to deftroy us and fubdue our country ; but we 
 are moft happy in hearing from you and who can 
 doubt what one of the reprefentatives of the com- 
 
 K 2 mons
 
 inons of Great-Britain afferts ? that they were cal 
 led forth for the folepurpsfe of rejloring the rights 
 of the conjlitution to afroward andjiubborn gene 
 ration. 
 
 AND is it for this, oh, fublime lieutenant-general 
 of his majefty's armies in America ! that you have 
 left the commons of Great-Britain to fhift for 
 themfelves, and croffed the wide Atlantic j and 
 {hall we mod ungratefully decline the profered 
 bleflmg? To reft ore the rights of the conjlitution^ 
 you have colle&ed an amiable hoft of favages, and 
 turned them loofe to fcalp our wives and children, 
 and to defolate our country. This they have ac 
 tually performed with their ufual Ikill and clemen 
 cy ; and we yet remain infenfible of the benefit 
 ^we yet remain unthankful for fuch unparalleled 
 goodnefs. 
 
 OUR congrefs hath declared independence 
 and our affemblies, as your fublimity juftly ob- 
 ferves, have moft wickedly imprifoned fome of the 
 avowed friends of that power with which we arc 
 at war. If we continue thus obftinate and ungrate 
 ful, what can we expeft, but that you fliould in 
 your wrath give aftretch to the Indian forces under 
 your dircttion^ amounting to thoufands, to overtake 
 mnd dejlroy us 5 or which is ftill more terrible, that 
 
 you
 
 C 149 ] 
 
 you fhould withdraw your fleet and armies, and 
 leave us to our own mifery j without completing 
 the benevolent talk, of reftoring to us the rights of 
 the conftitution. 
 
 WE fubmit we fubmit moft puiflant colonel 
 ef the queen's regiment of light dragoons, and go 
 vernor of Fort- William in North-Britain ! We 
 humbly offer our heads to the tomahawk, and our 
 bellies to the bayonet For who can refift the 
 power of your eloquence ? Who can withftand the 
 terror of your arms ? 
 
 THE invitation you have given, in the confciouf- 
 nefs of hri/t!anity,your royal mqftcr's clemency, and 
 the honour of foldierjhip, we thankfully accept. 
 The blood of the flain the cries of violated virgi 
 nity, and flaughtered infants the never-ceafmg 
 groans of our ilarving brethren now languiihing 
 in the jails and prifon-fhips of New- York, call upon 
 us in vain, whilfl your fublime proclamation i 
 founding in our ears. Forgive us, oh, our coun 
 try ! Forgive us, dear pofterity ! Forgive us, all 
 ye nations of the world, who are watching our 
 conduct in this important flruggle for the liberty 
 and happinefs of unborn millions, if we yield im 
 plicitly to the fafcinating eloquence of one of the 
 reprefentatives of the commons of Great-Britain. 
 K 3 Forbear
 
 Forbear then, thou magnanimous lieutenant-gene 
 ral forbear to denounce vengeance againft us. 
 Give not ajiretch to thofe reilorers of conftituti- 
 onal rights the Indian forces under your direction. 
 Let not the me/fencers ofjuftice and wrath await 
 us in the field : and defolation, famine, and every 
 concomitant horror bar our return to the allegiance 
 of a prince who has taken fo much pains for our 
 reformation. We are domejiic we are indu/lrious 
 we are infirm and timid we fliall remain quietly 
 at home, and not remove our cattle, our corn, or fo 
 rage, in anxious expectation that you will come at 
 the head of troops in the full powers of health, difci- 
 fline, and valour , and take pofTeffion of them for 
 yourfelves. 
 
 BEHOLD our wives and daughters, our flocks 
 and herds, our goods and chattels, are they not at 
 the mercy of our lord the king, and of his lieute 
 nant-general, member of the houfe of commons, 
 and governor of Fort- William in North-Britain, 
 Sec. &e. &c. 
 
 A. B. 
 C. D. 
 E. F. 
 
 Cum multis aliis. 
 
 Saratoga, July 1777. 
 
 For
 
 For the Pennfylvania Packet.* 
 
 MR. PRINTER, 
 
 .F1.AVING obferved with real concern, that our 
 newfpapers have for a long time paft been filled 
 with private contefls and perfonal calumny, to the 
 great abufe of the liberty of the prefs, and difho- 
 nour of our city ; I, who have ever been ambitious 
 of devifing fomething far the public good, never 
 before devifed or thought of by any fchemer what 
 ever, fet my wits to work to remedy this growing 
 evil, and to reflore our gazettes, advertifers, jour 
 nals, and packets to their original defign, and make 
 them the vehicles of intelligence, not the common 
 fewers of fcandal. 
 
 To convince you that I am not altogether un 
 qualified for this purpofe, you muft know that I 
 have had a tolerable education in the charity -fchooJ 
 belonging to our univerfity. My parents being 
 
 poor 
 
 * A long and malignant conteft in the public papers, of too per 
 fonal a nature to be generally interefting, and continued to a moft 
 unreafonable length, occafioned this publication j which was fuccefs- 
 ful in putting an immediate end to that difagreeable altercation.
 
 L is 1 
 
 poor bound me to a fcrivener. My mafter foon 
 difcovered in me an aptitude for bufmefs ; and as 
 I wrote a good hand, he took me from the menial 
 labours of the kitchen to affift him in his office j 
 where I engroffed deeds, leafes, wills, c. and af 
 ter a little pra&ice, was able to do the chief part of 
 his bufmefs for him. 
 
 WHEN I had completed my apprenticefhip, I 
 left the fcrivener and fet up for myfelf. I ferved 
 as clerk in the offices of feveral fucceffive mayors, 
 aldermen, and juflices of the peace and, to my 
 honour be it recorded, my employers frequently 
 applied to my judgement in difficult cafes> and I 
 venture to fay but with all due deference that 
 my advice contributed not a little to fupport their 
 worfhip's official reputation. 
 
 Now for my project which after much labo 
 rious fludy I have completed, and generoufly give 
 to the public without any profpeft of reward j favc 
 only the reputation of being the author of fo 
 ingenious and falutary a fcheme. 
 
 LET there be a new court of juflice eflablifhed, 
 under the name and flile of The High Court of 
 Honour : To confift of twelve impartial and judi- 
 eious men, annually eletfed by the freemen of the 
 
 {late.
 
 C "53 J 
 
 (late. In which ele&ion all perfons of what degree 
 or quality foever (flaves excepted) lhall be en 
 titled to vote ftrangers alfo excepted, who have 
 not refided one year in the city or county where 
 they would vote. This court when met {hall 
 chufe one of their body for prefident, and alfo 
 appoint forae fuitable perfon to ferve as clerk : 
 and (hall have jurifdiction in all matters of contro- 
 verfy between man and man, of what kind foever 
 they be, provided no property real or perfonal 
 lhall come in queftion, fo as to be affefted by the 
 final judgment of the faid court. It fhall deter 
 mine on differences in opinion points of honour 
 ceremony rank and precedence in all cafes of 
 affronts flights abufe fcandal, flander, and ca 
 lumny and in all other matters of conteft ; ex 
 cept as before excepted. Nine judges fhall make 
 a quorum, and a majority of voices fhall deter 
 mine the judgment of the court and from their 
 decifion there {hall be no appeal. 
 
 THE clerk fha.ll keep a large bound book, to 
 be entitled The Rafcal's Record. In which mall 
 be fairly entered, in alphabetical order, the names, 
 occupations, and places of refidence of thofe on 
 whom the judgment of the court fhall fall ; 
 which book mail at all times be open to infpeclion, 
 on paying the dtrkjixpenw fpecie for every fearch, 
 
 and
 
 [ '54 ] 
 
 and one fhilling for a certified extraft. And if 
 after the eftablifhment of this court, any perfon 
 or perfons {hall prefume to decide any point of 
 honour, conteft, or fquabble, by duel, or by ap 
 peals to the public, in any newfpaper, hand-bill, 
 or pamphlet, fuch offence (hall be deemed a con 
 tempt of the high court of honour : and the par 
 ty or parties fo offending fhall be rendered infa 
 mous, by having their names refpeftively entered 
 
 in the Rafcal's Record. 
 
 i 
 
 AND the form or procefs of the court fhall be 
 as follows If any man hath caufe of offence a- 
 gainft another, he fhall apply to the clerk of 
 the court for a declaration. Thefe declara 
 tions fhall be fairly printed on good paper, with 
 fuitable blanks for the names of the parties, 
 dates, &c. And the plaintiff applying fhall pay 
 eighteen pence for the blank and fix pence for fill 
 ing it up, attefting it, and entering the aftion on 
 the docket. And the party {hall, in the prefencc 
 of the clerk, fign the faid declaration with his own 
 hand ; or if that cannot be, fhall make his mark. 
 After which the clerk fhall number and file the 
 faid declaration. 
 
 ON notice from the clerk that fuch a declara 
 tion hath been filed, the judges fhall meet and 
 
 agree
 
 [ i55 3 
 
 agree on a time and place for hearing the caufe j 
 to which the accufers and accufed {hall be fum- 
 rnoned to attend, with their refpeftive witneffes. 
 No council fliall be admitted in this court ; but 
 the parties {hall perfonally plead their own caufes. 
 After a full hearing, the court {hall give their final 
 fentence or decree. If judgment ftiall 'be againfl 
 the accufee, his name, &c. {hall be entered on the 
 rafcal's record, with a number, in a column for 
 the purpofe, referring to the number of the de 
 claration filed. But if the accufer (hall fail to 
 make good his charge or charges againfl: the ac- 
 cufee, his name, even the name of the accufer, 
 fhall be entered as aforefaid, on the rafcal's re 
 cord. And thus fliall all controverfies be infti- 
 tuted, conducted, and determined in the high 
 court of honour. 
 
 AND the form of the declaration fliall be as 
 follows, viz. 
 
 " KNOW ALL MEN, by thefe prefents, that I 
 
 *' A. B. of the city of Philadelphia do 
 
 " announce, pronounce, atteft, and declare, that 
 " my friend and fellow citizen C. D. of the fame 
 " city - - - - - is a rogue, a rafcal, a villain, a 
 " thief, and a fcoundrcl : that he is a tory, a 
 " traitor, a confpirator, and a rebel : That he is 
 3 "a fore-
 
 E 156 1 
 
 " a foreftaller, a rcgrator, a monopolizer, a fpc- 
 tc culator, and a depreciator : That he is a back- 
 ** biter, a flanderer, a calumniator, and a liar. 
 " That he is a mean, dirty, ftinking, fniveling, 
 " fneaking, pimping, pocket-picking-d d fon of 
 " a bitch. And I do further declare, that all 
 " and every of the above appellations are intended, 
 " and ought to be taken, conflrued, and under- 
 ** flood in the mofi opprobrious fcnfc of the words.* 
 
 " IN teflimony whereof, I have hereunto fet 
 
 " my hand at Philadelphia this day of 
 
 " in the year . 
 
 *' Now THE CONDITION of the above declara- 
 " tion is fuch, that if the aforefaid A. B. the ac- 
 " cufer, {hall well and truly fupport, maintain, and 
 " verify before the judges of the high court of 
 " honour , any one or more of the aforefaid charges 
 " againft his friend and fellow citizen C.D. accufec 
 " as aforefaid, then the faid A. B. fhall be faved 
 " harmlefs,andremainju{lifiedinhisprocedure.But 
 " and if the faid A. B. fhall fail to make proof as 
 " aforefaid, then he, the faid A, B. doth, by thefe 
 " prefents,fubmit, admit, and permit that his name, 
 " that is to fay, the name of him the faid A. B. ac- 
 
 cufer 
 
 * An expreflion ufed by one of the writers in the quarrel al- 
 lided to.
 
 C S7 1 
 
 K cufer as aforefaid, fhall be entered in the book of 
 <<; record of the faid honourable court, called 1 the 
 " rafcaPs record ; there to remain from genera- 
 " tion to generation. World without end. Amen 
 
 61 SIGNED and attefted the day and year aforc- 
 fcid." &c. &c. &c. 
 
 SUCH, Mr. Printer, are the out lines of my 
 fcheme ; which I acknowledge may admit of con- 
 fiderable improvement. It would ill become me 
 to expatiate on the many and great advantages 
 that would accrue to my country from fuch an ef- 
 tablifhment. How much bloodlhed how much 
 inkflied, would be fpared? How many difficult 
 points of honour, and nice queftions of ceremony 
 would be judicially determined ? How many pri 
 vate animofities would be checked in the firft 
 ftage , and brought to iiTue before the blood be 
 came heated by argument and altercation ? Thefc 
 fources of panegyric I leave to the judicious pens 
 that will doubtlefs be employed hereafter, if my 
 projeft fhould be adopted, in diflertations on the 
 rights, limits, and advantages of the high court 
 
 honour, 
 
 I cannot, however, forbear pointing out one 
 
 benefit that will arife from my pro] eel:, which is, 
 
 i that
 
 [ '58 1 
 
 that when a gentleman finds himfelf fo difpofedi, 
 he may vilify and abufe his friend and neigh 
 bour at the very reafonable expence of two /hil 
 lings ; whereas it cofts the Lord knows what to 
 get a column or two of fcandal inferted in your 
 paper : but modefty forbids my faying any thing 
 more on the fubjeft. 
 
 CALAMUS, 
 
 December 1780. 
 
 AMES
 
 3- JAMES RIVINGTON, printer of the Royal Gazette at 
 New York, whilft the Britifti troops were in pofleflionof that city, had 
 been exceedingly virrulcnt, abufive, and illiberal in his publications 
 againft ihe Americans, their congreis, their army, their officer?, 
 and their meafures : Every paper abounded with the grofleft fal- 
 fities, miireprefentations, and infults ; till at laft, facts repeatedly 
 contradicting his politive intelligence, the Royal Gazette loft all 
 credit, even in Europe, where his accounts of the events of 
 the war were chiefly intended to operate. This conduct of Mr. 
 Rivington, and of thofe who countenanced and afiifted him, pro 
 voked Ibrne farcafms in return amongft which were the follew- 
 ing publications. 
 
 AD VE RTISEMEN.T, 
 
 New York, No v j , 1781. 
 
 " 1 HE late furrender of Lord Corn-wallis and 
 " his army, together with a variety of other cir- 
 " cumftances, having rendered it convenient for 
 " the fubfcriber to remove to Europe, all thofe 
 " who are indebted to, or have any demands againft 
 " him, are earneftly requefled to make as fpeedy 
 " a fettlement of their accounts as poflible. 
 
 e * NOTICE
 
 r 
 
 " NOTICE is alfo hereby given, that tlic fubfcriber 
 " will difpofe of his remaining flock in trade by 
 " public au&ion. The fales to begin at his (tore 
 e on Monday, the i9th inftant, and will be con- 
 " tinued from day to day (Sundays excepted) from 
 " the hours of ten to one in the forenoon, until 
 " the whole {hall be difpofed of. 
 
 " IT is well known that his {lore is furniflied with 
 " not only an extenfive library of the moil ap- 
 " proved authors, but alfo a greater variety of 
 " curious and valuable articles than hath ever 
 " been exhibited in one collected view on this 
 " fide of the Atlantic. The fcanty limits of an 
 <c advertifement are by far infufficient to admit 
 " of an adequate difplay of his extraordinary and 
 <e mifcellaneous collection. The fubfcriber muft, 
 " therefore, content himfelf with felefting, for 
 " the prefent, a few articles for public atten- 
 " tion : but a complete catalogue is now under 
 " the prefs, and will be diftributed at the time 
 c< and place of fale. 
 
 BOOKS.
 
 [ i6z 
 
 BOOKS. 
 
 THE Hiftory of the American War : or, The 
 glorious exploits of the Britilh Generals, Gage, 
 Howe, Burgoyne, Corwallis, and Clinton. 
 
 The Royal Pocket Companion: being a New Sy- 
 ftem of Policy , founded on rules deduced from 
 the nature of man, and proved by experience : 
 whereby a prince may in a fliort time render him- 
 felf the abhorrence of his fubjeh, and the con 
 tempt of all good and wife men. 
 
 SelecJ Fables of fop, with fuitable Morals and 
 Applications Amongft which are,T^<? Dog and the 
 Shadow The Man and his Goofe, which laid a gol 
 den Egg, &c. &c. 
 
 A New Syjtem of Cruelty ; containing a variety 
 of Modern Improvements in that Art. Embelli- 
 ihed with an elegant Frontifpiece, reprefenting an 
 Infide View of a Prifon Ship. 
 
 The Right of Great Britain to the Dominion of the 
 Sea a poetical Fi&ionu 
 
 L THE
 
 [ 162 3 
 
 THE State of Great Britain in O&ober 1760 and 
 O&ober 1781, compared and contrafted. 
 
 A Geographical, Hiftorical, and Political Hi/lory 
 of the Rights and Poffeffions of the Crown of 
 Great Britain in North America. This valuable 
 Work did confift of thirteen Volumes ia Folio: 
 but is now abridged by a royal Author to a 
 fingle Pocket Duodecimo ; for the greater con 
 venience of himfelf, his fucceflbrs, and fubje&Se 
 
 The Law of Nations, revifed and amended. To 
 which is added, by way of Appendix, a full 
 and true account of the Capture of the Ifland of 
 St. Euftatia, by Admiral Rodney. 
 
 The Conqueft of the four Southern rebel Colo 
 nies, with Notes critical and explanatory by Earl 
 Cornwallis. 
 
 A narrative of the Ship-wreck of LordRawdon, 
 in his voyage from Charleftown, South Caroli 
 na, to London. 
 
 Miracles not ceafed : or, an inftance of the re 
 markable Interpofition of Providence in caufmg 
 the Moon to delay her fetting for more than two 
 
 hours,
 
 r 163 ] 
 
 hours, to favour the retreat of General Jqfhua 
 and the Britifh Army after the battle ofMonmouth. 
 
 "Tears of Repentance : or, the prefent flate of the 
 of the loyal Refugees in New York, and elfe- 
 where. 
 
 The political Liar : a weekly Paper, publiflied 
 by the Subfcriber, bound in Volumes. 
 
 PLAYS. 
 
 WEST Point Preferred: or, The Plot difco- 
 vered. 
 
 Mifs M'Crea : A Tragedy. 
 
 Burgoyne's Addrefs to the people of Saratoga. 
 The Jleevelefs Errand : or, the Commiflioners 
 of Peace. The march to the Valley Forge ; or 
 much ado about nothing. The unfuccefeful at 
 tempt by Gov. Johnfon. The amorous Hero and 
 contented Cuckold, by Gen. Howe and Mr Loring 
 Comedies. 
 
 The Mefchianza : a pantomime. 
 
 L 2 The
 
 C 164 1 
 
 The Battle df the Keggs : a Farce. 
 
 Who'd have thought it ? or, the Introduction 
 of 24 Standards to the rebel Congrefs. A pro- 
 ceiEon. 
 
 MAPS AND PRINTS. 
 
 AN elegant Map of the Britifli empire in North 
 America, upon a very fmall fcale. 
 
 AN accurate Chart of the coaft of North Ame 
 rica from New Hampfhire to Florida ; with the 
 Soundings of all the principal Inlets, Bays, Har 
 bours, and Rivers. This work was undertaken 
 and completed by his Majefty's fpecial command ; 
 and at a national cxpence of many millions of 
 Guineas, thoufands of Men, and hundreds of Mer 
 chantmen and royal Ships of War. 
 
 A Survey of Lord Cornwallis's Rout through 
 the Southern Colonies : beginning at Charlef- 
 town, in South Carolina, and terminating at York 
 in Virginia. As the preceding Chart gives an 
 accurate defcription of the Sea Coaft, fo it was in 
 tended to form a correct Map of the interior 
 parts of this Country j but the rude Inhabitants 
 
 grew
 
 r 165 ] 
 
 grew jealous of the operation, and actually oppo- 
 fed his Lordfhip's progrefs. 
 
 The Battle of Saratoga, and the Surrender at 
 Tork; two elegant Prints, cut in Copper, and dedi 
 cated to the King. 
 
 Briti/h Reprefentations of the principal Tranf- 
 actions of the prefent War, highly coloured \>y e- 
 minent hands. Thefe pieces are fo ingenioufly 
 contrived, that by reverfing any one of them, it will 
 exhibit an American or a French view of the fame 
 fubjeft uncoloured. 
 
 A very humorous Reprefentation of the me 
 morable Proceflion of Brigadier General AR 
 NOLD ; with his Friend and Counfellor, through 
 the flreets of Philadelphia *. 
 
 The 
 
 * After the Difcovery and Failure of General Arnold's treafon- 
 able defign to betray the whole garrifon ef Weft-point, with the per- 
 fon of Gen. Wafhington, the minifter of France, Baron Stuben, 
 and other principal Charafters, into the hands of the Enemy ; an 
 effigy of the General, as large as the life, wasconftruftedby an able ar- 
 tift at Philadelphia,andfeatedin,a cart, with the figure of the Devil, at his 
 elbow, hold ing a Lanthorn up to the face of Arnold to fhow him to the 
 people. The cart was paraded a whole evening through the ftreets of 
 the City, with Drums and Fifes playing the Rogue's march,and other 
 marks of Infamy, and attended by a vaftconcourfeof People.
 
 The Times : A fatyrical Print, reprefenting the 
 Britifti Lion blind in both Eyes, thirteen of his 
 Teeth drawn, and his Claws pared off; with Lord 
 North, in the character of a Farrier, bleeding him 
 in the Tail for his recovery. 
 
 PHILOSOPHICAL APPARATUS. 
 
 A curious new invented magic Lanthorn : very 
 ufeful for thefe who are at the head of affairs. 
 This Machine was conftructed by an able Artift, 
 under Lord North's immediate direction, for the 
 amufement of the good people of England. The 
 Spectators are gratified with an illuminated view 
 of the fictitious objects prefented, but kept totally 
 in the dark with refpect to the real objects around 
 them. 
 
 Multiplying Glaffes; whereby the numbers of an 
 Enemy may be greatly encreafed to cover the dif- 
 grace of a Defeat, or enhance the glory *of a 
 Victory. 
 
 Microfcopes, for magnifying fmall objects, fur- 
 nifhed with a felect fet ready fitted for ufe. Amongft 
 
 thefe
 
 C 167 ] 
 
 thcfe are a variety of real and fuppofed Succeffes 
 of the Britifh Generals in America. 
 
 A complete Electrical Apparatus, with improve 
 ments, for the the ufe of the King and his Mi- 
 nifters. This Machine fhould be exercifed with 
 great caution ; otherwife, as experience hath 
 Ihown, the operator may unexpectedly receive the 
 fhock he intends to give Pocket glaffes for fhort- 
 fighted Politicians. 
 
 PATENT MEDICINES. 
 
 Aurum Potabile. This preparation was for 
 merly fuppofed to be a never failing Specific ; but 
 has been found not fo well adapted to the American 
 Climate, having been frequently tried here with 
 out effecl: : But its reputation is again rifing, 
 as it has lately been admint/teredytiih. fuccefs in 
 the cafe of General Arnold. 
 
 Vivifying Balfam : excellent for weak Nerves, 
 Palpitations of the Heart,over Balhfulnefs and Dif 
 fidence. In great demand for the Officers of the 
 Army. 
 
 Sp.
 
 r 168 i 
 
 Sp. Mend. : Or the genuine fpirit of Lying, cx- 
 tra&ed by diftillation from many hundreds of the 
 Royal Gazette of New Tork. Other papers have 
 been fubjected to the fame procefs, but the fuc- 
 cefs did not anfwer the Expence and Trouble 
 of the operation, the produce being of an inferi 
 or quality Therefore beware of Counterfeits. The 
 Ink and Paper of the Royal Gazette can alone fur- 
 nifh this excellent Sp. Mend, in its greatefl per 
 fection. By administering due proportions of 
 this admirable Medicine, Lies may be formed 
 which will operate for a day, a week, a month or 
 months ; near at hand or at a diftance ; in Ame 
 rica, or in Europe ; according to the defign of 
 the party. N. B. The true Sp. Mend, is au 
 thenticated by the Seal of the Subfcriber, who 
 is the Inventor and Patentee thereof. 
 
 Cordial Drops for low fpirits, prepared for the 
 fpecial ufe of the Honorable the Board of loyal 
 Refugees at New York. 
 
 Anvdyne Elixir, for quieting Fears and Appre- 
 henfions : very neceffary for Tories in all parts of 
 America. 
 
 I 
 
 WITH a great variety of other Articles too te 
 dious to enumerate. 
 
 N. B.
 
 C '69 1 
 
 N. B. To every Purchafer to the value of five 
 Pounds, will be delivered gratis, One Quire of 
 counterfeit Continental Currency. Alfo two 
 Quires of Proclamations, offering Pardon to 
 Rebel;, 
 
 JAMES RIVINGTON. 
 
 A REPLY
 
 A REPLY: 
 
 MR RIVINGTON's own STILE. 
 
 To the printer of the Fennfylvania Packet. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 1 OUR paper of the loth inftant, No. 805, 
 reached this city, and an Advcrtifement therein in- 
 ferted, and figned with myfignature, hath attracted 
 univerfal notice and particular attention, and hath, 
 moreover, rendered me the fubjecl: of much faty- 
 rical flricture. 
 
 THE author of this moft wicked forgery, who 
 ever he is, hath moft nefarioufly, and with ma 
 lice aforethought, made ufe of my name as a ve 
 hicle to impofe on the judicious public the nuga 
 tory productions of his own flimfy brain, as the 
 genuine offspring of my prolific pen. But I do 
 afTure you, upon the word of a gentleman, that 
 
 faid
 
 C '7' ] 
 
 faid advertifement is in toto fpurious and fictitious. 
 Was the ultimatum of the jejune performance 
 nothing more than a little rifible fatire, I had 
 borne the indignity with taciturn patience : But it 
 is mofl patent to fenfe, that an emphatic injury 
 is intended by this attrocious calumniator. The 
 manifefl defign is to draw upon me the refentment 
 of a people for whom I have the moil profound 
 veneration, and whole virtuous and heroic ftrug- 
 gles for conftitutional liberty I have beheld with a- 
 ftoniihment and fecret admiration. 
 
 You may perhaps, Mr Printer, be furprifed at 
 this manifefto, and exclaim, that there is no con 
 catenation between fuch a declaration and the uni 
 form tenor and tendency of the Royal Gazette of 
 New York. In anfwer you are to confider, 
 that it was my lot to remain with a people who 
 had power in their hands, and money in their 
 purfes. In fuch a fituation, you mull concede, 
 it was the part of a wife man to evade the power, 
 and to poffefs as much of the money as he could. 
 This I have done : I have written and publifhed for 
 them to the extremeft verge of invention the 
 Englifh language hath been tortured, and truth 
 expired on the rack, in their behalf. By this I 
 have gained their confidence and blinded the Ar 
 gus eyes of power As to money, let the falary I 
 
 enjoy
 
 [ 17* 1 
 
 njoy, and the baubles I have fold at extortionate 
 prices, evince that my labour hath not been 
 in vain. Have I done this to the injury of A- 
 merica and advantage of her enemies? by no 
 means By overacting my part, I defeated the 
 very purpofes I feemed to intend : and the poli 
 tical lies I daily fabricated, only ferved to gull 
 for a time, the fools who thought I was ex 
 erting myfelf in their fervice ; till, by repeat 
 ed confutations they loft all credit, even in 
 the cities of New York and London In the 
 mean time my hopes were rivetted to an event 
 which I forefaw muft fooner or later take effect ; 
 and I felicitate myfelf in the profpect of fpending 
 in America, amongft heroes and patriots, the cafh. 
 which I have feduced from the unbuttoned pock 
 ets of cockaded coxcombs in America, the land 
 of liberty, when the ftorm of war {hall ceafe, 
 and every man may enjoy the fruits of his inge 
 nuity under his own vine and his own fig-tree. 
 
 I am well aware, Mr Printer, that the voice 
 of your multitude is againft me. They judge 
 from appearances only, and appearances are gene 
 rally delufive They fuppofe that I am the fole 
 author of the inveterate falfehoods, grofs mif- 
 reprefentations, and ftigmatic appellations which I 
 fo frequently publifh againft them and their caufe 
 
 Alas !
 
 Alas ! I am but a poor printer * \ fubje&ed by 
 my vocation to the execrable tafk of bringing into 
 the world the monftrous conceptions of weak and 
 difordered minds. But I am deemed a tory male 
 volent tory and why ? truly becaufe I have publi- 
 fhed tory news, tory lies, and tory effays in my ga 
 zette. Granted. But will any one pretend to fay that I 
 have ever refufed to publiftiwhig news, whig lies,or 
 whig effays; Ichallenge all Philadelphia to produce 
 a {ingle writer who ever fent me a whig piece for 
 publication which I refufed or neglected to print 
 
 I am confident no fuch inftance can be found 
 
 The truth is, 1 am a great friend to liberty ; and 
 have aftually felt the facred flame glow in my 
 bread firft, about the time, or rather juft after 
 the affair of Saratoga ; and now again on the fur- 
 render of Lord Cornwallis and his army. And 
 if the brave Americans ftiould purfue their fuc- 
 cefs, and confirm their independance, of which 
 indeed there now feems to be little doubt, you 
 may depend upon it, there is not a flaming patriot 
 in the Thirteen United Sates that will garrulate 
 the charms of liberty with more loquacious zeal 
 than myfelf. 
 
 IT is moft undubitably the duty of every good 
 citizen to ferve his king and country. I am deiirous 
 
 to 
 
 * His own words.
 
 C 174 ] 
 
 to fulfil this duty to the point of punctuality. I 
 have already ferved my king my fovereign 
 GEORGE III. God blefs him ! to the beft of my 
 poor abilities ; and now I am ready to wheel to 
 the right-about and ferve my country ; for I call 
 this my country, wherein I have partook of the 
 viands of luxury, and rifen to a height of opulent 
 importance, which I had no hopes of attaining 
 in England, that land of debts, creditors, and into 
 lerable oppreifion. 
 
 FINALLY, Mr. Printer, I reft the evidence of 
 my whiggifm on two immoveable pillars. Firfl, 
 the declaration I 'voluntarily figned, and which was 
 published in the newfpapers of the year 1776: 
 wherein I folemnly aflerted my attachment to the 
 American caufe, and engaged my facred honour 
 that I would do nothing inimical thereto :* and, 
 fecondly, my addrefs to congrefs lately forwarded 
 by Mr. John Moody ; f a copy of which I fubjoin, 
 for your fatisfaclion. 
 
 " THE 
 
 * The mob had taken him in hand in 1776, and to pacify them 
 he publifhed fuch a declaration. 
 
 f A fpy fent from New-York ; detected, and hanged at Philadel 
 phia.
 
 r 175 j 
 
 To the honourable the congrcfs of die United 
 " States of America : 
 
 THE petition of Barnes Rivmgton, of the city of 
 " New- York, printer, and nick-nack feller : 
 
 <f THAT your petitioner, under the facred influ- 
 " ence of the moft exalted predilection for the glo- 
 " rious caufe of liberty, in which you have fo nobly, 
 c< fo wifely, and fo effectually contended ; begs 
 C leave, with all due fubmiffion, to throw him- 
 * e felf at the feet of the moft venerable, moft auguft 
 " body on the furface of the earth. 
 
 ** THAT your petitioner hath, from a moft un- 
 " fortunate arrangement of circumftances, been 
 " compelled, moft unwillingly compelled, to rc- 
 <c main with the enemies of your virtuous caufe, 
 " and even aflift in the promotion of their unjuft 
 " defigns. But lie moft foleranly affures your ho- 
 " nours, that he hath done this with ineffable com- 
 " punction and forrow of heart : having often ex- 
 " claimed, in private, with the royal poet : Woe if 
 *' me that I am conftralned to dwell with Mefech^ 
 * e and to have my habitation among the tents ofKedar! 
 
 To
 
 I 176 ] 
 
 " THAT your petitioner having given unqucfti- 
 " enable proofs of his eminent abilities in the art 
 " of political deviation from truth in fupport of a 
 " bad caufe^ humbly conceives that the fame talents 
 " may be of fingular utility in defending a good 
 " one : and therefore offers himfelf, with all his 
 tc rare and fuperior accompliftiments, to the con- 
 " grefs of the free and United States of America ; 
 " only praying fuch protection and rewards a3 his 
 " future fervices may juftly merit. 
 
 *' SUBMITTING the premifes to the candid con- 
 " fideration of your honours, he only waits a fa- 
 " vourable anfwer to appear a firft rate whig in 
 " the city of Philadelphia. And, in the mean time, 
 " has the honour to fubfcribe himfelf, with all pof- 
 " fible veneration, humility, and refpecV' &c. 
 &c. &c. 
 
 SUCH, Mr. Printer, is my addrefs to congrefs. 
 I have only to requeft that you will not admit into 
 your paper any more of the falfe and wicked infi- 
 nuations of the author of the aforefaid advertife- 
 ment. 
 
 I flatter myfelf with an agreeable anfwer from 
 congrefs ; and hope Mr. Thorn fan will not be dila 
 tory in forwarding it. Soon after which I ftiall ex-
 
 L '77 1 
 
 peft to take you by the hand, and falute you with 
 the endearing names of brother whig, and brother 
 puff. 
 
 J. RIVINGTON, 
 
 New- York, Nov. 17, 1781. 
 
 M
 
 C '7 L 
 
 03- CONGRESS had, from feme difguft, fuddenly removed from 
 Philadelphia to Princetown in New-Jerley : but, finding themlelves 
 but ill accommodated there, they rook into confideration the fixing 
 upon iomefiiitable place for their permanent refidence in canvafling 
 this quefiion, the eaftern and fouthern delegates could not agree 
 on a lituation equally convenient for both. On motion of Mr. G 
 it was at length determined, that congrefs fliould have two places of 
 alternate refidence : one on the banks of the Potowmack, and the o- 
 ther on the banks of the Delaware : and it was refolved, that congrefs 
 fliould not remain lefs than fix months, nor more than two years at 
 either of thefe places at one time. But as there was no town on the 
 Potowmack fit for their reception, they, for the prefent, adjourned to 
 Annapolis. Thiscircumftance gave occafion for the following publi 
 cation. 
 
 INTELLIGENCE EXTRAORDINARY. 
 
 JL HE great revolution that hath taken place in 
 America, will undoubtedly involve many circum- 
 flances of confiderable importance and curious fpe- 
 culation. None, perhaps, more remarkable than 
 this, that the philofophical world may expeft to be 
 entertained with a phenomenon in mechanics, alto 
 gether new, and which cannot fail to engage uni- 
 verfal attention. 
 
 THE Americans having obferved the great irre 
 gularities to which the political fyflems of Europe 
 
 are
 
 are liable, have invented a method of regulating 
 theaffairs of their empire by ACTUAL MECHANISM. 
 For this purpofe an immenfe pendulum hath been 
 conftru&ed, of which the point of fufpenfion is 
 fixed fomewhere in the orbit of the planet Mars, 
 and the Bob is compofed of certain heterogeneous 
 matter of great fpecific gravity, called the Ameri 
 can Congrefs. 
 
 THIS miraculous pendulum is to vibrate between 
 Annapolii, on the Chefapeak, and Trenton, on 
 the Delaware j a range of about 180 miles. 
 
 IT will require the moft fubtle mathematical in- 
 vefligations to afcertain the true path of this poli 
 tical bob : for it is pretty certain that it will not 
 move in a ftraight line, nor in a cycloid, nor in a 
 parabola, nor in an hyperbola, nor in any other 
 known curve ; but will have a motion peculiar to 
 itfelf, forming a crooked line, the properties of 
 which cannot be reduced to any of the rules with 
 in the prefent fyftem of mathematics. 
 
 ALTHOU'GH the ofcillations of this pendulum will 
 not be performed in, yet they will average equal 
 times. Two vibrations mud be made in two years : 
 but thefe vibrations may bear no determatine 
 proportion to each other j for their relative propor- 
 M 2 tions
 
 
 r 180 : 
 
 tions will depend entirely upon the fpecific gravity 
 of the bob : which being, from the nature of its 
 compofition, very variable, will render the ofcil- 
 lations equally variable with refpeft to each 
 other : and, which is very extraordinary, al 
 though in all other inflances, the more ponderous 
 a body is, the more it is difpofed to reft, and 
 the (horter and flower will its vibrations be 
 when fufpended, it will be the reverfe in the 
 prefent cafe ; for the bob will be inclined to moti 
 on more or lefs, in proportion as the matter of 
 which it may be compofed {hall Happen to be more 
 or lefs dull and heavy. 
 
 BY the ofcillations of this pendulum and its hea 
 vy bob, are thirteen wheels of the American ma 
 chine to be regulated. And, it is expefted, that 
 the different combinations of motions, the a&ings, 
 and counter-agings, the checks, and counter 
 checks of the moving parts, will fo correft and 
 ballance each other, as to produce, in the final 
 refult, a movement fo perfectly equable, that the 
 great deftderata, viz. the perpetual motion, and the 
 difcovery of longitude, will no longer puzzle the 
 brains and drain the purfes of feekers in fcience. 
 
 BUT the mod entertaining confequence of this 
 improvement in politics will be, that it will render 
 
 vifible
 
 vifible the locomotive faculties of the feveral na 
 tions in Europe ; fo far at leaft as the fame may 
 be afcertained by their refpeclive ambaffadors and 
 envoys. For, as they muft all follow the move 
 ments of the American bob, they will do this ac 
 cording to the genius of the countries to which 
 they refpectively belong. The volatile and active 
 will always keep within reach of the object of pur- 
 fuit : the carelefs and indolent will loiter by the 
 way ; and the dull and phlegmatic be fo diflanced, 
 that by the time they (hall have arrived at one of 
 the limits of ofcillation, they will find it necelfary 
 to tack about and follow the pendulum in its return 
 to the other. 
 
 IN order to render this alternate peregrination 
 as convenient as may be to their minifters, the fe 
 veral governments of Europe are to raife by con 
 tribution the fum of four hundred thoufand guineas 
 for the purpofe of levelling the roads between 
 Annapolis and Trenton, building bridges, and 
 erecting houfes of refidence in each of thofe towns, 
 if thofe can properly be called houfes of refidence 
 wherein the inhabitants are to have no reft. 
 
 SOME have thought that when this mwftrous 
 
 pendulum fliall be once fet in motion, it \vill not 
 
 be poffible to confine it within the propofed limits; 
 
 M 3 but
 
 r 182 ] 
 
 but that it will by its great weight (contrary to 
 the ufual laws of gravitation) enlarge its field of 
 aftion, and acquire a velocity which *wHl caufe it 
 to fwing from New-Hamplhire to Georgia. 
 
 A further improvement hath alfo been fuggeft- 
 cd ; which is this Many philofophers flave been 
 of opinion, that the mod regular and proper mo 
 tion of a pendulum would be to caufe it to fwing 
 in a horizontal circle, and not in a vertical plane, 
 as the common practice is, fo that the firing or rod 
 may defcribe a cone, of which the apex will be in 
 the point of fufpenfion, and the bafe formed by the 
 circumference of the circular plane in which the 
 bob moves. 
 
 SHOULD this idea prove juft (which Mr. Rit- 
 tenhoufe has been directed to afcertain) the revo 
 lutions of America will be performed in a circle, 
 whofe diameter, north and fouth, will be from a 
 point in St. John's river, Nova-Scotia, to the 
 mouth of the great river Miffifippi, and wefl and 
 eaft, from the Lake in the Woods, to an unknown 
 diftance in the Atlantic ocean. The only incon 
 venience will be the cutting a circular road 
 through mountains and forefts for the accommo 
 dation of foreign miniflers and the officers of 
 
 con-
 
 C "83 1 
 
 congrefs ; and the providing fufficient ftiips at the 
 point where the the faid line of circumvolution 
 Ihall leave ^he continent, and enter on the waters 
 of the Atlantic, in order that their excellencies, 
 and their honours, may be attendant oil this fub- 
 lunary planet in every part of its orbit. 
 
 A. B. 
 Oft. 1783. 
 
 A SUM-
 
 C 184 ] 
 
 A SUMMARY OF SOME LATE 
 
 IN A CIRTAIN GREAT ASSEMBLY. 
 
 A Member, in the courfe of debate, took oc- 
 cafion to mention the refolve refpedling the alter 
 nate rcfidence of the houfe in two federal cities, 
 and two hundred miles diftant from each other ; 
 and although he acknowledged himfelf out of or 
 der, as the refolve had already been debated, and 
 the votes thereupon taken ; yet he begged leave 
 to draw their attention to a circumftance which 
 had probably efcapcd notice at the time, which 
 was this : that the houfe had, fome months be 
 fore, folemnly refolved, that a certain equeflrian 
 flame fhould be ere&ed in the place where the 
 houfe fhould fix its permanent reiidence. * And 
 he requefled to know in what manner the Houfe 
 propofed to execute this determination under the 
 
 prefent 
 
 * Congrefs had before refolved that an equeftrian fiatue, in ho 
 nour of General Wafliington, fhculd be erected in the place where 
 their refidence fliould be fixed.
 
 C '5 ] 
 
 prefent fyftem of a peregrinating inflead of a per 
 manent relidence. 
 
 THIS flruck the houfe with great force, and 
 many looked upon it as an invincible difficulty ; 
 thinking that the two refolves were altogether ir- 
 reconcileable with each other. But the ingeni 
 ous -member, who had planned the fcheme of the 
 two federal towns, foon relieved them from their 
 embarraffment by declaring That he had been 
 well aware of this objection, and looked for it 
 at the time the refolve in queftion was under de 
 bate, when indeed he fhould not have been fo 
 ready to anfwer as at prefent : That he was now 
 prepared to obviate the objection that had been 
 flatted, and mould in a day or two propofe his 
 fcheme at large, as he only waited for certain 
 drawings to be completed, which were already in 
 great forwardnefs. 
 
 THE attention of the houfe being ftrongly 
 drawn to the fubjecl: of this promife, he was 
 earneftly requefted to give Injianter^ fome idea of 
 his defign. 
 
 THE ingenious member, thus urged, faid that 
 he was fenfible his fcheme muft greatly fuffer in 
 opinion by being exhibited in a partial, imperfect 
 
 manner.
 
 C 186 1 
 
 manner. Neverthelefs he could not refufe to gra 
 tify the impatience of the houfe, trading in their 
 candour that they would not form too hafly a 
 judgment of his delign, but wait till they mould fee 
 the drawings, which would elucidate the whole. 
 
 His defign, he faid, was this not only to com 
 ply with the refolve refpe&ing the equeftrian 
 ftatue, but to make that very refolve condu 
 cive to the fcheme of the two federal towns. 
 Thefpirit and intention of the refolve refpefting the 
 equeftrian ftatue, he obferved, was no more than 
 this, that the faid ftatue fhould always be where 
 the houfe fhould fit. To effeft which, nothing 
 more was neceiTarythan to adjourn the ftatue when 
 ever and wherever they ftiould adjourn the houfe, 
 which might eafily be done by mounting it on 
 wheels. But this was not all ; for if the horfe 
 fhould be conftrufted of a fuitable fize, and fra 
 med with timbers, like the hull of a fhip, it might 
 be made a moft convenient vehicle to tranfport the 
 members themfelves, with their books, papers, &c. 
 from one federal town to the other : and added, 
 that the drawings he had mentioned were defigned 
 to exhibit fuch a conftruction of the body of a 
 horfe, as might moft conveniently anfwer this 
 purpofe : whereby would be mown the feats intend 
 ed for the refpeclive members, the places for the 
 
 prefjdent
 
 prefidcnt and fecretary, and a little clofet in the 
 inteftinum reflum, for the fecret papers of the 
 houfe : provifion being alfo made for light and 
 air, and every other convenience fuitable to fo 
 great a defign. 
 
 HE confeffed he had taken his idea from the fa 
 mous Grecian horfe, ufed at the fiege of Troy ; and 
 had been fearching Homer with all his commen 
 tators, annotators, and translators, in hopes of 
 finding forne defcription of the internal conftruc- 
 tion of that memorable machine ; but receiving 
 no afliftance from thefe fources, he had been ob 
 liged to depend upon his own ingenuity, and the 
 advice of an able fhip-wright, who was now ma 
 king the drawings he propofed to lay before the 
 houfe. 
 
 THIS device of the ingenious member was recei 
 ved with great applaufe but zjl ill more ingenious 
 member rofe up, and faid that the gentleman 
 who fpoke lail, had in fome meafure anticipated a 
 project he had conceived, and was preparing to 
 offer. But as the defign he had formed was upon 
 a much larger fcale than that which had been 
 fuggefted, he fhould not with-hold it from the 
 houfe, although he confeffed it was planned on 
 much the fame principles. 
 
 THE
 
 C 188 J 
 
 THE difficulty refpe&ing the flatue, he faid, 
 had not indeed occured to him ; but one of at 
 lead equal importance had which was the enor 
 mous ' expence of building two federal towns, 
 when one might be fufficient for all purpofes. 
 
 To obviate this, he would propofe that there 
 ihould be two places of alternate^ permanent refi- 
 dence, agreeably to the late refolve, and but ont 
 federal town ; which town (hould be built upon 
 a large platform, mounted on a great number of 
 wheels, and be drawn by a great number of 
 horfcs. 
 
 THIS, he obferved, would be produ&ive of 
 many great conveniences. It would render the 
 immence expence of building two federal towns 
 unneceifary It would fpare the trouble and con- 
 fufion of packing and unpacking, deranging and 
 arranging their books and papers at every ad 
 journment and it would fave much precious 
 time, inafmuch as there would be no inter 
 ruption in their proceedings ; for the bufmefs of 
 the houfe might be going on, whilft the houfe 
 itfelf was going on ; and motions not only be 
 made in the houfe, but the houfe \tk\fmake motions 
 fo that, with the motions of the members, the 
 motions of the houfe, and the motions of the 
 
 whole
 
 whole federal town, all the powers of govern 
 ment would be in conftant aftion for the good of 
 the empire. 
 
 HE then proceeded to fhow that fuch a fcheme 
 was neither abfurd in itfelf, nor impracticable in 
 in faft. It was not abfurd, he faid, becaufe nature, 
 who does nothing improper, had furnifhed many 
 inflances of the kind as in the fnail,,the tortoife, 
 and feveral other animals neither was it imprac- 
 tible, as he could fully prove. He aflerted that 
 he had himfelf feen in England an ingenious tin 
 ker, who had mounted a finall houfe upon wheels, 
 which contained a bed, fome neceffary furniture, 
 and the utenfils of his trade, and was drawn about 
 by a fingle horfe : fo that, when he had exhaufted 
 the cuflom of one village, he removed, cum omni 
 bus appurtenantibus, to another ; and by that 
 means fecured a conftant circulation of employ. 
 
 BUT I have an inflance, faid he, more dire&ly 
 in point I mean that of the emprefs of Ruffia ; 
 who, when (he removes her court from Peterf- 
 burgh to Mofcow, is accommodated with ele 
 gant apartments, built on fleds, and drawn by 
 fifty horfes, over a traft of foow many hundred 
 miles in extent. 
 
 BUT
 
 BUT it may be obje&ed, continued this more in 
 genious member, that thefe are only examples of a 
 lingle room, or two or three apartments being ren 
 dered moveable by machinery ; but to make a 
 whole town a federal town an imperial city 
 thus tranfitory, muft be totally impracticable, un- 
 lefs by the help of art magic I am not unpre 
 pared, faid he, to anfwer this objection. It is cer 
 tainly a mark of great weaknefs to conclude eve 
 ry principle falfe of which we cannot conceive, 
 and every purpofe impoffible, which we know not 
 how to effect. A fool often wonders improper 
 ly. He fees a jack- weight defcend without fur- 
 prife, but exclaims with admiration at the move 
 ments of an orrery : whereas, in truth, there is in 
 finitely more myftery in the .defcent of a jack- 
 weight than in the moft complicated movements 
 of an orrery. 
 
 I {hall not now undertake to defcribe minutely 
 the means by which our federal town may be ren 
 dered itinerant. This I referve for a future day ; 
 but to {hew that the thing is at lead not impoilible, 
 I beg leave to read a paffage from a book I have 
 in my hand. It is entitled, A Voyage to the Moon, 
 by Cerano de Bergerac, p. 1 12 & 1 14. "At this 
 " our young hoil enquired from his father, What 
 
 " was
 
 " was the hour ? Who replying it had already 
 * c ftruck eight, he very angrily aiked him, how 
 " he dared to neglect calling him at feven, as he 
 " had ordered ; when he knew very well the 
 " houfes were to begin their journey next day, 
 " the walls of the town being already gone ? The 
 61 good man told him, that fmce his fitting down 
 " at table, a proclamation had been made, for- 
 * bidding the houfes to fet out before the day af- 
 " ter to-morrow." 
 
 t- 
 
 ** IN order to turn the difcottrfe, I intreated 
 * e him to inform me, what was meant by the re- 
 <c moval of the town, and if the houfes and walls 
 <c really travelled ? Dear ftranger, faid he, our 
 " buildings are of two forts, the moveable and 
 " thcfedentary. The moveable, in one of which 
 " you are now, I am about to defcribe. They are 
 " compofed, as you fee, of very light wood : and 
 " at the building of them, the architect places 
 " four ftrong wheels under the foundations of the 
 " walls. Six large pair of bellows are placed, with 
 " their nofes horizontal to the wings of the up- 
 " per (lory ; fo that when a town is to be re- 
 ." moved (which is always done as the feafons 
 " change) feveral large fails are unfolded before 
 " the nofe of thefe bellows, which being fet at 
 
 " work 
 i
 
 r 192 3 
 
 " work, difcharge the wind fo very forcibly upon 
 " them, that the houfes are fet in motion, and by 
 " the violence of the guft which drives them for- 
 " ward, are enabled to travel upwards of an hun- 
 " dred leagues in eight days." 
 
 THE very ingenious member quoted this autho 
 rity with no fmull marks of triumph, and obferved, 
 in clofing the book, that what had been done 
 might be done again. That he fliould, however, 
 improve upon this device of his lunatic brethren, 
 by caufmg his town to move bodily, with all 
 its rights, privileges, and appurtenances, and 
 not by fingle houfes, which he apprehended 
 would be apt to occafion much confufion on the 
 road. 
 
 HE concluded, with faying, that the only 
 thing he mould alk of the houfc would be to 
 proclaim a two days faft previous to every ad 
 journment ; not only with a view to render the 
 burden of fo vaft a machine as light as poffible, 
 but alfo to avoid too great a complexity of motions 
 during the journey. 
 
 THE houfe was aftonifhed at the extenfive ge 
 nius of the projefting member ; and immediately 
 3 adjourned
 
 [ 193 3 
 
 adjourned ; having firft recommended it to each 
 other to confider againft the next meeting, if any 
 objections could poflibly to be made to the laft 
 propofed fcheme. 
 
 Nov. 1783, 
 
 N
 
 r 194 ] 
 
 (Cf* MR. OSWALD, the printer of the Independent Gazeieer, 
 having published fome free ftrictures on the conduct of the fupreme 
 court, the judges ordered him to be indicted for a libel. The 
 grand jury, after a full enquiry, returned the bill ignoramus. The 
 judges, enraged at this refufal, attempted to overawe them by fe- 
 vere reproofs in open court, and fent them back for reconfideration : 
 but the jury adhered to their verdicl; and juftified themfelvesin n 
 public addrefs in the papers. Some effays on the fubjeil of grand 
 juries appeared in anfwer, generally believed to be written by the 
 judges themfelves,* under the fignatures of JURISPERITUS and 
 ADRIAN. And thefe occafioned the following obfervations in return. 
 
 * Chief Juftice M'Kean and Judge Bryan. 
 
 FOR THE PENNSYLVANIA PACKET. 
 
 January 1783. 
 
 ROM what hath appeared in the public papers 
 refpefting the late conteft between the judges of 
 the court of oyer and terminer, and the grand jury 
 for the city and county of Philadelphia, this fub- 
 ject hath claimed the general attention of the coun 
 try, andthe rights and duties of juries have been dif- 
 cuffed in almofl every company ignorantly enough 
 no doubt. But the people, ever jealous-of their liber 
 ties,
 
 r 195 ] 
 
 ties, are ready to take alarm on any appearance of 
 danger, without regarding the quarter from whence 
 the invaiion arifes, or the motives that induced it : 
 the robes of office are not long enough to fcreen the 
 invader from cenfure, nor the feemingly harmlefs 
 motive of pride palliate the offence. Are our li 
 berties fafe or are they not ? is the only queftion 
 with the people at large. Friends may explain, 
 and fycophants may flatter, but drift right knows 
 neither friends nor flatterers. 
 
 FOR my own part, I confefs I am no lawyer 5 
 and wonder how it fliould come to pafs that I 
 fhould appear in the Pennfylvania Packet on a law 
 fubject but the thing is unavoidable as I feel 
 myfelf urged by what I conceive to be a fenfe of 
 duty. 
 
 I had, fome how or other, acquired a notion 
 that there were but two fcreens between the fub- 
 jeft and the rigour of the law. I mean the 
 grand jury, and the power of pardon, lodged fomc- 
 where in every fyflem of government. The firft, 
 as a fecurity to the innocent accufed, -that he may 
 not be brought to a difgraceful, vexatious, and ex- 
 penfive trial ; and the other, a merciful interference 
 to relax the rigid cords of convi&ion, in cafes 
 where, though the crime may have been fufficient- 
 Ni ' ly
 
 r 196- ] 
 
 ly afcertaincd, yet concomitant circumftances may 
 juftify an extenfion of pardon. 
 
 I imagined that the grand inqueft of the county, 
 when duly returned, compofed a body of truft and 
 power inferior to none but the legiflature itfelf. 
 That they are conftitutionally independent of every 
 influence and controul in the line of their office, and 
 not accountable for their decifions, unlefs in cafes 
 of manifeft corruption and breach of the laws. 
 That they are fupcrior to and not the fervants of 
 the court, in as much as the court with all its 
 powers cannot proceed againft a citizen, or any 
 individual in the criminal line, without the fanc- 
 tion and confent of this grand inquefl (except in 
 cafes of attainder or contempts in the face of the 
 court). For, as to the doftrine of proceeding by 
 information, I do not fully underftand it ; yet 
 know enough to hope it will never gain an efta- 
 blifhment in this country. 
 
 I thought the power of a grand jury, indepen 
 dent as it is, could never give any jufl caufe of 
 jealoufy ; becaufe it is lodged in a kind of repre- 
 fentation of the people of the county, if the flie- 
 riff does his duty with integrity and difcretion in 
 a number of men haftily drawn together, between 
 whom there could not have exifted any previous 
 
 Golle&ive
 
 r 197 ] 
 
 colle&ive connection, and, therefore, no danger 
 of collufion ; and particularly becaufe their office 
 and power are fo temporary that there is not time 
 to form any fyflematical abufes of either. 
 
 I had further conceived, that as the grand jury 
 were impannelled merely for the purpofe of pro- 
 teting the innocent, by bringing the guilty, and 
 none but the guilty, to an open trial, they muft of 
 courfe have a right to make a ftrift enquiry, ac 
 cording to the tenor of their official oath that is, 
 to command to be brought before them all manner 
 of legal teftimony, of what nature foever, that 
 may in any wife tend to the difcovery of truth, 
 and of the whole truth ; and that they may and 
 ought to do this of right, uninfluenced, and unau- 
 thorifed by any interfering power. Becaufe, if 
 the grand jury were prohibited from all teftimony 
 but fuch as the court mould furnifti, and obliged 
 to receive as authentic, nothing but the dilates of 
 the judges or the attorney general (who in truth 
 ought to be no more than affiftants and advifers of 
 the grand jury in matters of form only), they would 
 be an unneceflary wheel in the political machine, 
 and ferve no purpofe but that of giving a legal 
 fan&ion to the will of the court. 
 
 N T THESE
 
 r .98 j 
 
 THESE, and fome other extravagant notions, 
 found myfelf poflefled of whenever 1 converfedxm 
 the fubjeft, but could not recoiled the fource from 
 whence I had drawn my ideas. 
 
 AT length I faw a piece in the Freeman* s 
 "Journal of the i5th inftant, figned ADRIAN ; and 
 was horribly fhocked to find fentiments and doc 
 trines advanced on this fubjeft fo very contrary to 
 thofe which I had entertained. As I doubt not but 
 this performance muft have been written by a very 
 great man, from the elegance of the ftile, and by 
 a very great lawyer, from the fubtlety of the rea- 
 foning, I began to fear that I was all in the wrong. 
 I thought of it night and day, till at laft I difco- 
 vered that the {lore from which I had taken all my 
 prejudices was clofe at my elbow. You mud know 
 that we have in the houfe an old folio book which 
 my grandfather had brought with him from Kng- 
 land. My father had made no other ufe of it 
 but to flrap his razor on the leathern cover thereof 
 when he had occafion to {have himfelf ; and as it 
 concerned the politics of a difbnt country one 
 hundred years ago, and as our family were no po 
 liticians, it had lain for a long time neglected on 
 the upper flielf of a clofet. I recolle&ed, how- 
 cver,ithat about twelve or fourteen years ago, I had 
 in fome idle hour, taken up this book, and read 
 
 with
 
 [ 199 3 
 
 with fomc attention a piece therein refpe&ing the 
 rights and powers of a grand jury. 
 
 I hope our new pope is not as infallible as his 
 predeceflbr of the fame name : if he is, my au 
 thor, and confequently myfelf, muft be greatly mif- 
 taken. I fliall not pretend to fay which is moft 
 to be depended upon ; but as the doctrine refpefts 
 a very important right of the people, I (hall con- 
 traft the two authors, and leave the decifion to 
 abler judges. 
 
 THE book to which I refer is entitled " STATE 
 " TRACTS, being a collection of fever al choice trea- 
 " fifes relating to government from the year 1660 
 " to 1689." And the treatife which had engaged 
 my particular attention is entitled " The fecurity 
 " of Englifhmen' s lives ; or the truji, power , and 
 " duty of the grand juries of England ; explained 
 " according to the fundamentals of the Englifh go- 
 " vernment, and the declaration of the fame made in 
 e: parliament by manyjlatutes." 
 
 IN the preface to this book we are told " This 
 " is a colleftion that will in general fet forth the 
 " true and legal conflitution of our ancient famous 
 " Englifh government In particular, here will 
 ." be feen the truft, power, and duty of grand 
 
 " juries,
 
 r 
 
 "juries, and the great fecurity of Englifhmens 
 " lives in their faithful difcharge thereof." 
 
 WITH refpeft to Adrian's performance, I am 
 willing to fuppofe that his narrative of the cafe in 
 queftion may be true, not having had an opportu 
 nity of informing myfelf more certainly. All that I 
 know of the matter is that a writer in Mr Ofwald's 
 paper had prefumed to cenfure the conduct of the 
 chief juftice in two inftances : for which offence 
 two indictments had been fent to the grand jury 
 againft Mr Ofwald as a publisher of libels. Had 
 the teftimony been fufficient to fupport thefe in- 
 di&ments : had the jury returned them true bills, 
 and had a conviction enfued, the confequence 
 would have been, at lead this that one citizen 
 having offended another, would have been thrown 
 into the power of the offended party to be puni- 
 fhed according to that meafureof refentment which 
 his wounded pride might infligate 
 
 ADRIAN is pleafed to fay " For thefe falfe and 
 fcandalous libels on the court and the juftice of the 
 country, which ought not only to be above impu 
 tation but free of fufpicion, Mr Ofwald was arre- 
 fted." Thefe libels, fays Adrian^ were falfe ; but 
 nineteen honefl and impartial men, declare, upon 
 
 oath ?
 
 [ 201 ] 
 
 ath, that they were not falfe* and not only 
 upon oath, but according to Adrian's own afferti- 
 on, " after keeping the bill two days, and hear- 
 " ing divers testimonies." It appears then that 
 the grand jury did deliberately, and not haflily, or 
 unwarily, rejeft thofe bills. 
 
 NOTWITHSTANDING the oath of fecrecy ta 
 ken by the grand jury, Adrian thinks he has 
 fiftied out the reafons by which they were gover- 
 ne'd " It is faid, (fays he,) that upon examining 
 " feveral other perfons it was made ow,fome how^ 
 " that the printer had been mifinformed : thence 
 ?' it was inferred, that miftake merely involved 
 f 6 no guilt. 
 
 ADRIAN had juft before obferved, that the juf- 
 tice of the country fhould not only be above im 
 putation but free of fufpicion. Now, I am inclined 
 to think, that the grand jury, for the time, more 
 nearly reprefents the juftice of the country than 
 even the learned judges themfelves : and yet 
 Adrian fufpe&s that they made out testimony fome 
 how or other an infmuation at lead that they had 
 
 afted 
 
 * Ofwald's publication confided merely of a narrative of the con- 
 dul of the court in a particular cafe : the jury on enquiry, found 
 that the narrative was ftri&ly true, and therefore could not find the 
 biH.
 
 [ 202 *) 
 
 unfairly whether they did fo or not, I leave 
 to themfelves to anfwer I am not their champion 
 in this particular inftance I contend only for ge 
 neral principles ; and fhall proceed to feleft from 
 Adrian's performance fome doftrinal paffages, 
 which feem to be inconfiftent with the tenor of 
 my old book. 
 
 " WAS there not, (fays he,) the ufual probable 
 " evidence for an open enquiry by a petit jury? If 
 " there was, why ftifle the caufe in the chamber of 
 " the grand inqueft ?" Probable evidence^ vndftifle 
 a caufe horrid language ! are men's lives, repu 
 tations, and fortunes to be hung upon the tenter 
 hooks of logical probabilities : and is the fair ac 
 quittal of a fellow-citizen from a heinous charge to 
 be called a ftifled caufe ? Oh, fovereign pontiff, 
 have mercy upon us ! " Upon this, the chief-ju- 
 " (lice feemingly provoked at their irregularities (I 
 " hopcitwasin appearance only) alked the grounds 
 " on which the grand jury had proceeded, and how 
 tc they came to receive witneffes not admitted by 
 " the court ?" This, dilated into plain language, 
 will ftand thus : Gentlemen, you are enjoined by 
 your oath of office, diligently to enquire, and pre- 
 fentment make, of the truth, the whole truth, and 
 nothing but the truth. Bur, remember you arc 
 to {hut your ears againft all teflimony but fuch as 
 
 I mall
 
 C 203 j 
 
 I (hall fend you, otherwife ycni may perhaps find 
 this fellow innocent of the charge, when it is my 
 defire that he {hould be punifhed. 
 
 " THEY declined (or one for the reft did fo) 
 " giving any reafons for their conduct, under 
 " pretence that they were fworn not to reveal the 
 " fecrets of the ftate, or their fellows ; as if this 
 " oath reftrained them.'* Adrian then promifes, 
 that he will hereafter fliew the public " the true 
 " nature and conftitution of a grand jury, that 
 " part of legal machinery, compofed of unlearned 
 " men, (to ufe the phrafeology of the profeffion,) 
 " which is regulated and controlled by the law, 
 " as other juries, at every ftep, and in every m- 
 " ftance of their truft, and fubmitted to the legal 
 " direftion of the court." Obferve, reader, how 
 irreverently his holinefs fpeaks of one of the mo ft 
 refpeftable bodies in our government little reve 
 rence, indeed, would be due, if they were no other 
 than what he reprefents them to be : I wifli to 
 know what truft can be faid to be committed to a 
 body of men who are to be regulated and controll 
 ed at every ftep and in every inftance ? But let 
 us contraft thefe modern doftrines, and this Adrl- 
 anatic idea of a grand jury with felect paffages from 
 an au thor of the laft century.
 
 [ 204 ] 
 
 HE firfl fpeaks of the laws and government of 
 England, in general, and gives the conftruftion of 
 grand and petit juries, but fays " It is not de- 
 " figned at this time to undertake a difcourfe of 
 " of petit juries : but to confider the nature and 
 " power of grand inquefts : and to fhew how 
 ** much the reputation, the fortunes, and the lives 
 ' of Englishmen depend on the confcientious per- 
 " formance of their duty. 
 
 " IT was abfolutely neceflary for the fupport of 
 " government, that fome fliould be entrufted to en- 
 " quire after all fuch,as by treafons, felonies, or lef- 
 " fer crimes, diflurbed the peace, that they might 
 " be profecuted and brought to condign punifh- 
 " ment ; and it was no lefs needful for every man's 
 " quiet and fafety, that the truft of fuch inquifitions 
 <f fhould be put into the hands of perfons of under- 
 " {landing and integrity, indifferent and impartial : 
 " that might fuffer no man to be falfely accufed or 
 " defamed, nor the lives of any to be put in jeopar- 
 " dy, by the malicious confpiracies of great or 
 " fmall; or the perjuries of any profligate wretch- 
 " es. For thefe neceflary honeft ends was the 
 " inftitution of grand-juries. 
 
 " OUR anceftors thought it not beft to truft 
 " this great concern of their lives and interefts in 
 
 "the
 
 r 205 i 
 
 " the hands of any officer of the king's, or in any 
 " judges named by him, or in any certain number 
 " of men during life, left they (hould be awed or 
 " influenced by great men, corrupted by bribes, 
 " flatteries, or love of power, or become negligent, 
 " or partial to friends and relations, or purfue their 
 " own quarrels, or private revenges, or connive at 
 " confpiracies of others, and indicl: thereupon." 
 
 HE then goes on to ihew what fort of men a 
 grand jury ought to be compofed of, and in what 
 character the law confiders them, viz. Men " mod 
 " honeft and mod fufficient for knowledge and abi- 
 " lity of mind and eftate." And not, according 
 to the phrafeology of ADRIAN, a legal machine^ 
 compofed of unlearned men. 
 
 " I knew too well, fays my author, that 
 
 " the wifdom and care of our anceftors in this in- 
 " ftitution of grand juries, hath not been of late 
 " confidered as it ought, nor the laws concerning 
 " them duly obferved,nor have the gentlemen, nor 
 " other men of eftates in the feveral counties, dif- 
 " cerned how infenfibly their legal power and ju- 
 " rifdiftion in their grand and petit juries is decay- 
 " ed, and much of the means to preferve their 
 " own lives and interefls taken out of their hands. 
 " 'Tis a wonder they were not more awakened 
 
 " with
 
 L 206 ] 
 
 " with the attempts of the late lord chief j allied 
 
 " K , who would have ufurped a lordly difta- 
 
 " torial power over the grand jury of Somerfet- 
 " fhire, and commanded them to find a bill of in^ 
 " di&ment for murder, for which they faw no evi- 
 " dence; and upon their refufal, he not only threat- 
 " ened the jury, but afiumed to himfelf an arbitra- 
 " ry power to fine them. Here was a bold battery 
 " made upon the ancient fence of our reputations 
 ** and lives. If that juftice's will had paffed for law, 
 " all the gentlemen of the grand jury mud have 
 " been the bafeil valTals to the judges, and have 
 " been penally obliged jurare in verbo maglftri^ to 
 " have fworn to the directions or dictates of the 
 " judges. But, thanks be to God ! the late long 
 " parliament (though filled with penfioners) could 
 " not bear fuch a bold invafion of the Englifli li- 
 " berties; but upon the complaint of one fir Hugh 
 " Windham, foreman of the faid jury, and a mem- 
 " ber of that parliament, the commons brought 
 " the then chief juflice to the bar to acknowledge 
 " his fault, whereupon the profecution ceafed. 
 
 " GRAND juries are our only fecurity, inafmuch 
 " as our lives cannot be drawn into jeopardy by 
 " all the malicious crafts of the devil, unlefs fuch a 
 " number of our honed countrymen fhall be fatif* 
 " fied in the truth of the accufation. 
 
 " THERE-
 
 <e THEREFORE every grand juryman is fworn as 
 " the foreman, in the words following, viz. Tou 
 " Jhall diligently enquire, and true prefenttnent make 
 " of all fuch articles, matters, and things, as fh all be 
 " given you in charge ; and of all other matters 
 " and things as Jhall come to your own knowledge, 
 " touching the prefent fervice: the (king's} counfel, 
 " your fellows, and your own, you fh all keepfecret : 
 " you Jhall prefent no man for hatred or malice, nei- 
 " ther Jhall you leave any one unprefented for favour 
 " or affection, for love or gain, or any hopes thereof ; 
 " &tf ;' #// things you Jhall prefent the truth, the 
 truth, and nothing but the truth, to thebejl 
 knowledge : So HELP YOU GOD ! 
 
 " HENCE it evidently appears, that every grand 
 "jury is bound to enquire diligently after the 
 " truth of every thing for which they fhall indift 
 " or prefent a man. When a grand jury is fworn 
 " to enquire diligently, it is natural and neccffary 
 " to their bufmefs to think of whom they fliould 
 " enquire ; and it is plainly and eafily refolved 
 " that they ought to enquire of every man that can 
 " or will inform them.- It feems, therefore, from 
 " the words of the oath, that there is no bound 
 " or limit fet (fave their own underftandin^ or 
 
 O 
 
 " confcience) to any number er fort of perfons of 
 " whom they are bound to enquire. They ought 
 
 "fifft
 
 [ 208 1 
 
 " firft and principally to enquire of one another,, 
 " mutually what knowledge each of them hath of 
 " the matter in queflion before them. The law 
 " prefumes that fome at lead of fo many fufficient 
 " men of the county mud know or have heard of 
 " all notable things done againfl the public peace. 
 " If the parties, and the fafts whereof they are 
 " accufed, be known to the jury or any of them, 
 " their own knowledge will fupply the room of 
 " many witneffes. Next, they ought to enquire 
 " o f all fuch witneffes as the profecutors will pro- 
 u duce againft the accufed. They are bound to 
 ;c examine all fully and prudently, to the beft of 
 " their fkill. Every juryman ought to afk fuch 
 " queftions (by the foreman at leaft) as he thinks 
 *' neceffary to refolve any doubt that may arife in 
 " him, either about the faft, or witneffes, or other- 
 <e wife, if the jury be then doubtful, they ought to 
 " receive all fuch further teftimony as lhall be of- 
 " fered them, and to fend for fuch as any of them 
 " do think able to give teflimony in the cafe de- 
 " pending. 
 
 *' No directions can legally be impofed upon 
 " them by any court or judges. An honeft jury 
 " will thankfully accept good advice from judges, 
 " as they are affiflants ; but they are bound by 
 " their oaths to prefent the truth, the whole truth, 
 
 <; and
 
 L 209 ] 
 
 " and nothing but the truth, to the befl of their 
 " own, riot the judge's, knowledge ; neither can 
 *' they, without a breach of that oath, refign their 
 " confciences, or blindly fubmit to the diftates of 
 " others ; and therefore, ought to receive or rejeft 
 *' fuch advices, as they judge them goad or bad. 
 
 " THE language wherein the oath is penned, is 
 " known and underftood by every man, and the 
 *' words in it have the fame fignification as they 
 " have wherefoever they are ufed. The judges 
 " (without afluming to themfelves a legiflative 
 " power) cannot put a new fenfe upon them, other 
 " than according to their genuine common mean- 
 <c ing. They cannot magifterially impofe their 
 " opinions upon the jury, and make them forfake 
 *' the direft words of their oath to purfue their 
 " glolfes. They are carefully to examine what 
 " fort of men the witnefles are. It is undoubtedly 
 " law which we find reported in Stiles, that though 
 " there be witnefles to prove the bill, yet the grand 
 " inqueft is not bound to find it if they fee caufe to 
 " the contrary." St. Rep. n. 
 
 MY author then confidcrs the nature and intent 
 of the fecrecy impofed on the grand jury by their 
 oath j which is chiefly to prevent combinations of 
 
 O " wit-
 
 r 210 j 
 
 ^ cfcapes of the guilty, and confpiracies a- 
 gainfl the accufed : and then fays, 
 
 " IF it fliould be faid, that whatfoever reafons 
 " there are for this oath of fecrecy, yet it cannot 
 " deprive the king of the brnefit of having the evi- 
 " dence made public, if he defires it, and that the 
 C grand jury do not break their oaths when the 
 " king, or the profccutor for him, will have it fo, 
 " 'tis not hard to ftiew that fuch notions have no 
 " foundation in law or reafon, and feem to come 
 u from men who have not well ftudied the firfl 
 " principles of the Englilh government. 
 
 " IT ought to be taken for a fcandal upon the 
 ** Tung, when he is reprefented in a ccurt of juftice, 
 * l as if he werepanially concerned j or rather in- 
 * c clined to defire, that a party accufed fliould be 
 " found guilty, than that he fhould be declared 
 ** innocent, if he be fo in truth.* Queen Eliza- 
 ** beth had a true fenfe of our law, when the lord 
 *' Burleigh, upon fir Edward Coke, her then at- 
 " tofney, coming into her prefence, told her, this 
 " is he who profecutes pro domina regina : for our 
 " lady the queen ; and ihe faid ilie would have the 
 
 ce form 
 
 * Adrian fays, why ftifle a caufe in the chamber of the grand 
 inqueft ?
 
 C 
 
 " form of the record altered, for it fhould be attor* 
 " natus-generalis qui pro domino, veritate fequitur : 
 " the attorney-general who profecutes for our lady 
 " the truth. 
 
 " Now fuppofe a man perfectly innocent and in 
 " fome meafure knowing in the law, fhould be ac- 
 '* cufcd of treafon or felony: if the judges fliould 
 " deny unto the grand jury the liberty of examin- 
 " ing any witnefles except in open court, where no- 
 " thing fhall be offered that may help to clear the 
 " prifoner, but every thing aggravated that gives 
 " colour for the accufation ; fuch perfons only pro- 
 " duced as the king's counfel or the profecutor 
 " (hall think fit to call : how can innocence fecurc 
 " any man from being arraigned ? 
 
 ** FEW men at firft fee the danger of little chan- 
 *-* ges in fundamentals; and thofe who defign them 
 " ufually a<^l with fuch craft, as, befides giving fpe- 
 tf cious reafons, they take great care that the true 
 " reafon (liall not appear. Every defign, there- 
 ec fore, of changing the conftitution, ought to be 
 " moft warily obferved, and ftri&ly oppofed. 
 
 " THERE are two vulgar errors concerning the 
 " duty of grand juries, which, if not removed, 
 " will in time deftroy all the benefit we can expeft 
 
 O 2 " from
 
 r 212 i 
 
 " from that conflitution, by turning them into a 
 <c mere matter of form, which were deiigned for 
 " fo great ends. Many have of late thought, and 
 " affirmed it for law, that the grand jury is neither 
 " to make fo flrift enquiry into matters before 
 " them, nor to look for fo clear evidence of the 
 * c crime as the petit jury ; but that their prefent- 
 " ments being to pafs a fccond examination, they 
 " ought to indift upon a fuperficial enquiry, and 
 " bare probabilities. Whereas, fhould either of 
 " thefe opinions be admitted, the prejudice to the 
 " fubjeft would be equal to the total laying afide 
 " grand juries. There being in truth, no differ- 
 " ence between arraigning without any prefent- 
 " ment from them at all, and their prefenting upon 
 " flight grounds. For the firft, that grand juries 
 " ought not to make fo drift enquiry : it were to 
 " be wifhed, that we might know how it comes to 
 " pafs, that an oath mould be obligatory unto a 
 " petit jury and not unto the grand. The truth 
 " is, that grand juries have both a larger field for 
 " their enquiry, and are in many refpefts better 
 " capacitated to make a ftrift one than the petit 
 " juries. Thefe laft are confined, as to the perfon 
 " and the crime fpecified in the indiftment ; but, 
 " they are at large obliged to fearch into the whole 
 " matter that any way concerns every cafe before 
 " them. The petit jury are bound to move with- 
 
 " in
 
 C 213 1 
 
 " in the circle of the indiament made by the grand 
 
 " jury. 'Tis true that upon hearing the party or 
 
 4 his witneffes, the petit jury may acquit or judge 
 
 :< the faas in the indiament to be lefs heinous or 
 
 ' malicious than they were prefented by the grand 
 
 " jury, but cannot aggravate them ; which being 
 
 '< confidered, it will eafily appear, by the intent 
 
 " and nature of the powers given unto the grand 
 
 "juries, that they are by their oaths obliged to 
 
 keep all injuftice from entering the firft gates of 
 
 16 courts of judicature, and to fecure the innocent 
 
 ;< not only from punifhment, but from all difgracc, 
 
 tf vexation; expence or danger. 
 
 6 IT is neceffary to know what they mean by a 
 
 * probable caufe or evidence, who fay that our 
 
 ' law requires no more for an indiament. Proba- 
 
 ' ble is a logical term, relating to fuch propofitions 
 
 " as have an appearance, but no certainty of truth. 
 
 : Thcfe may be allowed in rhetoric, which work- 
 
 :< eth upon the paffions : but courts of juftice are 
 
 1 not ereaed to bring men into condemnation, but 
 
 ;< to find who deferves to be condemned; and thofe 
 
 " rules are to be followed by them, which are 
 
 61 leaft liable to deception. If the word probable 
 
 ' be taken in a common, rather than a ftria Jogi- 
 
 ;c cal fenfe, it fignifies no more than likely, or ra- 
 
 " ther likely than unlikely. AVhen a matter is 
 
 03 " found
 
 * e found to be fo, the wager is not even there Is 
 " odds upon one fide. And this may be very good 
 " betting in a Tennis-court or at a horfe race ; 
 " but he that would make the adminiflration of 
 6 juftice to depend upon fuch points feems to put 
 " a very fmall value upon the fortunes, liberties, 
 " and reputations of men; and to forget that thofe 
 " who fit in courts of juftice have no other bufi- 
 *' nefs there than to preferve them." 
 
 " IT hath been faid (in a book entitled tht 
 " grand jury 'man's oath and office} that their work 
 " is no more than to prefent offences fit for trial, 
 " and for that reafon give in only a verifimilar or 
 " probable charge : And others have affirmed that 
 " a far lefs evidence will warrant a grand jury's 
 " indictment, than a petit jury's verdicl. But 
 " nothing can be more oppofite to the juftiee of 
 " our laws than fuch opinions. All laws, in 
 " doubtful cafes, direft a fufpenfion of judgement, 
 " or a fentence, in favour of the accufed perfon : 
 et but if this were hearkened to, grand juries 
 " Ihould upon their oaths affirm him criminal, when 
 " the evidence is upon fuch uncertain grounds,, that 
 " they cannot but doubt whether he is fo or not." 
 
 " 'Tis fcarcely credible that any learned in our 
 " laws fhould tell a grand jury that a far lefs 
 
 " evidence
 
 r "5 ] 
 
 " evidence will warrant their indictment (being 
 " but an accufation) than the petit jury ought to 
 " have for their verdict" " There is no real 
 " difference between affirming in writing that an 
 " indictment of treafon is true, as is the practice 
 " of grand juries, and faying that the party indic- 
 " ted thereupon is guilty of the treafon whereof 
 " he is indicted, as is the courfe of petit juries. 
 " They are both upon their oaths, which are 
 " equally obligatory unto both. The one there- 
 M fore muft expect the fame proof for their fatif- 
 " faction as the other, and as clear evidence muft 
 " be required for an indictment as for a ver- 
 " diet." 
 
 " WHATEVER ground this doctrine of in- 
 " dieting upon flight proofs may have got in our 
 " days, it is (as we have feen) both againft law 
 <e and reafon, and contrary to the practice of for- 
 " mer times. My lord Coke, in his comment on 
 " Weftm. 2d. tells us, that in thofe days (and as 
 " yet it ought to be) indictments taken in the 
 " abfence of the party, were formed upon plain 
 " and direct proofs, and not upon probabilities 
 " and inferences. Herein we fee that the practice 
 " of our forefathers, and the opinion of this great 
 " and judicious lawyer, were directly againft this 
 " new doctrine j and fome that have carefully 
 
 " looked
 
 C 216 ] 
 
 " looked backwards obferved that there are very 
 ^- few examples of men acquitted by petit juries, 
 
 " becaufe grand juries of old were fo wary in can? 
 ? c vaffing every thing narrowly, and fo fenfible of 
 " duty in proceeding unto truth upon fatisfaftory 
 " evidence, that few or none were brought unto 
 " trial till their guilt feeraed evident." 
 
 " THEREFORE let the grand juries faithfully 
 " perform their high truft, and neither be cheated 
 <e nor frighted from theirduty. Let them purfue the 
 * e good old way, fmce no innovation canbe brought 
 " in, that will not turn to the prejudice of the ae- 
 " cufed pcrfon and themfelves. Let them not be 
 66 deluded with frivolous arguments, fo as to in- 
 " validate a confiderable part of our law, and ren- 
 " der themfelves infignificant cyphers, in expec- 
 " tation that petit juries will repair the faults they 
 " commit ; lince that would be no lefs than to 
 " flight one of the befl fences that the law provide? 
 " for our lives and liberties, and very much to 
 " weaken the other." 
 
 SUCH are the quotations I have thought fit to 
 make from this valuable old book j and wifh the 
 whole treatife on this fubjeft were reprinted. 
 
 I fhall
 
 [ 2I 7 1 
 
 I (hall be told, I fuppofe, that this is not law, 
 and is of no authority Of this I do not pretend to 
 judge but fure I am that it is reafon ; and if it is 
 not law, it ought to be. What is generally called 
 law authority is the opinion or decifion of fome 
 learned judge on the point in queftion; but it 
 ftiould be obferved, that grand juries are not like 
 to have any contefts, nor have they ever had any 
 that I know of, except with the learned judges 
 themfelves : now, if the judge's opinion is to de 
 termine the point and become law authority, there 
 can be little doubt but he will do it as much in 
 favour of his own power, and that of his fuccef- 
 fors, as poilible, 
 
 IT does not appear by my old folio book, who 
 was the author of this treatife on grand juries ; it 
 contains, however, the fentiments of a freeman 
 one hundred years ago ; and hath been deemed fo 
 judicious a performance as to gain a place amongft 
 a valuable colle&ion of authentic papers ; and 
 to be particularly pointed at and ftrongly recom 
 mended in the preface to this collection. 
 
 How very different are the opinions and doc 
 trines of this writer from thofe of Adrian ! He 
 is for giving the accufed all poffible chance for his 
 vindkation, even before he is brought to the teft 
 
 of
 
 r 
 
 of a petit jury Adrian is for giving him no chance 
 at all, in the firft inftance, but feems to think that 
 nothing lefs than the abfolute impofftbility of pro 
 curing even probable proof againft him fhould 
 acquit him there, and juftice will be done af 
 terwards by the petit jury. And that he may be 
 thankful for his final efcape, after having been 
 ruined in health, reputation, and eftate by con 
 finement, infamy, fees and cofts my good old 
 author feems to be of opinion, that it (hould be a 
 caufe of fatisfa&ion and joy when a fellow-citizen 
 is acquitted of a crime laid to his charge ; but 
 Adrian thinks a man accufed, and not hanged, is 
 a caufe ftifled. Laftly, my author efteems the 
 grand inqueft for the county as a moft refpeftable 
 body, in which the law hath placed the higheft 
 truft and confidence ; but our new pope declares 
 that it is no more than a legal machine^ to be go 
 verned and controlled in all its movements by the 
 judges of the court which of thefc do&rines is 
 mod likely to be founded in truth, to promote 
 the adminiiiration of juftice, and fecure the liberty 
 of the fubject, let the public determine. 
 
 ONE OF THE PEOPLE. 
 
 January 1783. 
 
 To
 
 C 2I 9 J 
 
 TO THE PEOPLE. 
 
 J. HE rights and duty of a grand jury and the 
 prerogatives of the bench, are fubjefts now fairly 
 brought before you : and as they are of high im 
 portance to good order in government, on the one 
 hand, and to the fecurity of the lives and liberties 
 of the people, on the other, I hope they will be 
 attended to with the circumfpe&ion they deferve. 
 
 IT is precifely the time to inyefligate this fub- 
 je. We know not what fort of judges we may 
 have hereafter. Our druggies for liberty are not 
 yet over. Our apprehcnfions have been roufed by 
 the war, and are yet feelingly awake. If under 
 thefe circumftances you tacitly fubmit to the doc 
 trines lately advanced from the bench of the fu- 
 preme court, and in the publication of Adrian 
 and Jurifperitus, it will be difficult for a future 
 patriot to encounter fo ftrong a precedent, as he 
 will be told that there was neither corruption, 
 force, or inadvertency m the cafe ; but the people, 
 after warning given, voluntarily fubmitted to and 
 acquiefced in the doftrine. 
 
 WHILST our heroic officers and brave citizens 
 
 are
 
 [ 220 ] 
 
 arc in the field fighting for our liberties and de 
 fending our rights, let us who remain at home, 
 at lead take care of the houfhold -Obferve the 
 following 
 
 FABLE. 
 
 A CERTAIN man had an undoubted right to a 
 valuable farm. It was his living it was his all. 
 A powerful lord wiflied to poffefs this farm, and 
 lent his fervants to take the title deeds by force. 
 The good man locked up his papers in his clofet, 
 and arming himfelf at all points, went forth to 
 combat his adverfary : but, alas ! whilft he was in 
 the field, the rats were gnawing his deeds in the 
 clofet. 
 
 THE common people arc afraid of the word 
 law . They think it is full of inexplicable myf- 
 tery. It is not fo in the text ; it is too much 
 fo by the expofition. All law is, or ought to 
 be, founded in reafon, and hath for its objeft 
 the adminiftration of general juflice or the pro 
 motion of general good. Every man of common 
 fenfe is capable to judge of law, provided all cir- 
 cumftances and all confequences are made known 
 to him. Let any one be afked, For what purpofe 
 do you think grand juries were inflituted ? He will 
 fay, I do not underfland the law, but I fuppofe 
 
 they
 
 they muft have been inftituted to bring the guilty, 
 and none but the guilty, to a further trial by a pe 
 tit jury. There is no myftery in this thegreatefl 
 lawyer could not give a better anfwer. Aik this 
 plain man further Why he thinks fo ? and he 
 will probably reply for three reafons : Firfl, be- 
 caufe it is highly neceffary that the innocent 
 fhould have this fecurity againfl falfe or malicious 
 profecutions. Secondly, becaufe a grand jury 
 cannot poflibly be of any other ufe. And, third 
 ly, becaufe their oath of office is full to this pur- 
 pofe, and to no other. But flop, my friend, fays 
 a learned judge, your firfl reafon is good for no 
 thing, your fecond is no better, and your third is 
 flatly contradicted in 4th Blackflone, page 300. 
 Let us fee how this matter flands a grand-jury 
 man's oath is in thefe words : 
 
 " Youjhall diligently enquire, and true prefent- 
 " ment make, of all fuch articles, matters, and 
 " things as fhall be given you in charge : and of 
 *' all other matters and things as fhall come to your 
 " own knowledge, touching this prefent fervice : 
 " the flate's council, your fellow's, and your own, 
 " you fhall keep fecret ; you {hall prefent no perfon 
 " for hatred or malice, neither fhall you leave any 
 " one unprefented for favour or affection, for love 
 " pr gain, or any hopes thereof: but in all things 
 
 " you
 
 [ 222 T 
 
 " you fliall prefent the truth, the whole truth, and 
 <e nothing but the truth, to the beft of your know- 
 46 ledge : So HE:LP YOU GOD!*' 
 
 THIS is certainly very plain Englifh, and incapa 
 ble, one would fuppofe, of mifconftruftion. But, 
 let us obferve how Jurifperitus, with the help of 
 Blackftone, can tranflate thefe very intelligible 
 words out of common fenfe into common law. The 
 oath in Englifti fays, you Jhall diligently enquire : 
 in law, you (hall fit and receive indictments, and 
 only hear evidence on the part of the profecution. 
 You Jhall diligently enquire, and true prefentment 
 make, faith the oath You are to confider your 
 prefentment only in the nature of an accufation, 
 faith the law, or rather the lawyer. You Jhall pre 
 fent the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the 
 truth, fays the oath You are only to enquire, 
 faith the judge, whether there be fufficient caufe 
 to call upon the party to anfwer. Now fome have 
 faid, that fufficient caufe means probable caufe ; 
 and probable means likely ; and every thing that 
 is likely; is at leaft poffible : and fo, by an irre- 
 fragible chain of reafoning, we may be hung in 
 chains, according to the good pleafure of the 
 judges and learned expounders of the law. 
 
 FOR my own part I honour judge Black/lone as 
 
 a pro-
 
 a profoand and liberal expofitor of law, except 
 only where prerogative comes in queftion. The 
 rays of prerogative are apt to warp the bench of 
 juftice, make it of what ftirff you pleafe. 
 
 LET us fee how far the authority of this fame 
 judge Blackftone will carry us : Turn to v61. i. 
 p, 107, 108 " Our American plantations, (fays 
 " he,) being obtained either by right of conqueft 
 " and driving out the natives, or by treaties, the 
 ce common law of England, as fuch, has no allow- 
 * c ance or authority there ; they being no part of 
 4e the mother country, but diflincl: dominions fub- 
 " ject to the controul of parliament." And in 
 p. 109: " And becaufc feveral of the colonies had 
 " claimed the fole and exclufive right of impofing 
 '" taxes upon themfelves, the ftatute of the 6 th of 
 *' Geo. HI. chap. 1 2, exprefsly declares, that all his 
 " majefty's colonies and planfations in America, 
 " have been, are, and of right ought to be, fubor- 
 " dinateto and dependent upon the imperial crown 
 '" and parliament of Great-Britain : who have full 
 " power and authority to make laws and ftatutes 
 " of fuiEcient validity to bind the colonies and 
 " people of America, fubjefts to tlie crown of 
 " Great-Britain, in all cafes whatfoever." 
 
 Now, good people, you have thought it efTenti- 
 i ally
 
 r 224 i 
 
 ally neceflary to your happinefs, to deny the au 
 thority of judge Blackftone, vol. i. p. 108 ; altho 1 
 fortified by the ftatute of the 6 th of Geo. III. > 
 But you have only done your bufinefs by halves, 
 unlefs you will as firmly rejeft the authority of the 
 faid judge Blackftone, vol. iv. p. 300, although 
 fupported by the authority of Jurifperitus the firft. 
 
 WHY did Jurifperitus ftop juft where he did, 
 when he was quoting Blackftone ? Anfwer. 
 Becaufe the very next fentence, which is but a 
 fliort one, and concludes the paragraph, unfortu 
 nately, does not fupport the doctrine of probable 
 tejlimeny he wifhes to eftablifh. The fentence 
 {lands thus : " a grand jury, however, ought to 
 " be thoroughly perfuaded of the truth of an in- 
 " diftment, fo far as their evidence goes, and not 
 " to reftfatisfied merely with remote probabilities ; 
 '' a do&rine that might be applied to very eppre/five 
 " furpofes.'' State Trials, vol. iv. p. 183. 
 
 THIS device of picking out a part of a fentence, 
 is like Lord Peter's method of expounding his 
 father's will. 
 
 BUT what fays judge Adrian? He tells us 
 that a grand jury is that part of legal machinery 
 compofed of unlearned men, to ufe the phrafeology of 
 
 3 * be
 
 C 
 
 the profejfion., which is regulated and controlled 
 &c. &c. yetjudge Black/tone^ vol. IV. page. 302, 
 fays that " to form a grand jury the flier iff of every 
 *' county is bound to return &c. twenty-four good 
 " and lawful men of the county. That they ought 
 " to be freeholders, but to what amount is uncer- 
 " tain however, they are ufually men of the 
 " beft figure in the county." 
 
 I have thought a good deal of this fame idea 
 of a legal machine ', and am of opinion that Adrian 
 
 mufl have drawn his idea from the pillory^ which 
 is, in truth, a legal machine? and very like his no 
 tion of a grand jury. A poor devil is fixed neck 
 and hands in this engine of the law by his accufer. 
 The court furniflies rotten eggs, and the attorney 
 general pelts \i\rn. fecundum artem ; whilft the fuf* 
 ferer is not permitted to wipe away even the flime 
 of a fmgle egg. After he has been fufficiently 
 befmeared to the entire fatisfa&ion of his enemies, 
 he is taken in this filthy condition to the petit jury, 
 who may, if Adrian pleafes, reprefent another 
 legal machine, called ^gallows there he is to make 
 himfelf clean, if he can, and if he cannot, he is 
 taken clear off to be hanged. If, however, he 
 fliould be fo fortunate as to efcape, he is to fall 
 down upon his knees, " cry out God fave the 
 " commonwealth and the honourable court!" pay 
 
 P all
 
 [ 226 ] 
 
 all cofts and charges, and go about his bufmefs : 
 and this is called jujlice. But if this is indeed 
 juftice^ it is fo manufactured that the original am 
 ple is loft in the compound. 
 
 BUT, my good fellow citizens, let us not be de 
 ceived by a parade of idle authorities, and more 
 idle reafonings upon them. You mufl all fee and 
 know that the ufe of grand juries is to guard the 
 firfl entrance into the law, to prevent any one's 
 being unneceffarily expofed to its rigour. If 
 grand juries do their duty, an enemy mall not have 
 it in his power to come behind a man and pufh 
 him unawares into that pool of perdition, from 
 which it is fo difficult to efcape, that the clerk of 
 the court, when he has arraigned the prifoner, 
 always adds, God fend you a good deliverance ! 
 
 THOUGH judge Mansfield, judge Blackftone^ 
 judge yurifperitus, judge Adrian, and all the jud 
 ges fince the reign of Chares I. mould, with one 
 voice, tell you that, after a grand jury hath taken 
 the oath above recited, they may indict a man upon 
 flight grounds and probable teftimony believe, 
 them not. That they will have made diligent in 
 quiry, when in fact they have made no inquiry 
 at all, but only received fuch evidence as the pro- 
 fecutor fliall offer believe them not. That a 
 
 grand
 
 r 227 j 
 
 grand jury is nothing more than a legal machine, 
 contrived to give a formal fandlion to the will of the 
 judge believe them not. But rather watch thofe 
 who dare to advance doctrines fo dangerous to the 
 Jives, eitates, and reputations of the citizens of a 
 free government. 
 
 CAUTION. 
 
 February ift. 1783. 
 
 P<z A D E S-
 
 [ 228 j 
 
 A DESCANT ON ADRIAN'S 
 
 Affertion, that a grand jury is nothing more than a legal machine, 
 fubjedt to the direftion and controul of the court. 
 
 " I'VE A THOUGHT WHAT'S IT LIKE ?" 
 
 JL WAS winter round the focial hearth 
 Devoted all to glee and mirth, 
 A focial few, in humour gay, 
 Were fporting half the night away ; 
 And ftill fome quaint device was found, 
 As laughter, wit, and wine went round. 
 
 ATTEND, fays DIDIUS, if you will, 
 I'll make a trial of your fkill ; 
 A thought hath juil popp'd in my mind, 
 Let every one a likenefs find ; 
 And he that can't a likenefs fit 
 Shall take a glafs to whet his wit. 
 For wine is known to be fpecific 
 In making barren brains prolific : 
 And 'tis paft doubt, a bumper will him eafc 
 Who is hard bound in making fimilies. 
 A thought doth now my fancy ftrike ; 
 Pray tell me what my thought is like. 
 
 Ti*
 
 Tis like a broom, a door, a lock, 
 A waggon, lute, a barbels-block. 
 
 \ 
 
 QUOTH Dldhis, what a medley's here f 
 Things fo diffimilar, I fear, 
 Cannot by any flail be fhewn 
 Like to a fingle thing unknown. 
 But now the group's together brought, 
 I'll tell you what it was I thought. 
 
 A learned author, ADRIAN hight, 
 Did late in Bailey's * journal write, 
 And plainly prov'd, by dint of law, 
 That jurymen are men of ftraw ; 
 And for no other ufe defign'd 
 But to confirm the judge's mind ; 
 That they've no confcience of their own, 
 But from the bench muft take their tone; 
 And have no eyes to fee what's right, 
 Unlefs the court affords them light -, 
 And tho' their doings may feem tragic, 
 They're phantoms rais'd by legal magic ; 
 Whom conj 'ring judges take to court, 
 To fhew their fkill in making fport ; 
 To tofs about like any jack-flone, 
 And for authority quote Black/lone ; 
 Referring us to page three hundred ; 
 As if judge Blackftone never blunder'd. 
 
 All 
 
 * Printer of tke Freeman's Journal.
 
 L 2 3 J 
 
 All this did Adrian in his fury, 
 Pronounce againfl a late grand jury ; 
 And prov'd that animal rationale 
 With jurymen will never tally: 
 Becaufe 'tis plainly to be feea 
 A jury's but a mere machine. 
 My thoughts thus on grand juries ran; 
 Make out a likenefs if you can. 
 
 TITIUS. 
 
 THAT juries are like brooms, I trow, 
 Is not fo very hard to {hew : 
 Pray doth not Betty with her broom 
 Sweep dirt and duft from every room, 
 And tho' the floors are trod by many j 
 Will keep them clean as any penny : 
 But fhould the wench a flattern prove, 
 Not willing all the dirt to move, 
 She heaps it in a corner fly, 
 And hides it fnug from ev'ry eye ; 
 Where with the broom 'tis cover'd over, 
 No mortal can the fraud difcover. 
 So a grand jury's but a befom, 
 Which judges ufeas it may pleafe 'em 
 To fweep poor rogues and felons great 
 From all the precinfts of the ftate ; 
 Or elle to cover o'er a flaw 
 From the fliarp notice of the law. 
 Further, ftiould Dick, with faucy tongue, 
 Do madam Betty any wrong, 
 
 She
 
 [ 231 ] 
 
 She lays the broom-flick o'er his back, 
 'Till one or t'other's fure to crack : 
 So jfhould a bafe plebeian cenfure 
 The conduct of the learned bench, or 
 Laugh at their worfhips of the quorum, 
 The culprit foon is brought before 'em ; 
 When by the means of broom-flick jury 
 Their honours vent their rage and fury ; 
 And by inflructive bonds and fetters 
 Teach him to reverence his betters. 
 But fhould this feem too round-about 
 To make a real likenefs out, 
 With your good leave, I'll try again, 
 And make the matter flill more plain. 
 
 DOUBTLESS you've often heard it told, 
 Or may have* read in flories old 
 A witch, when fhe would take an airing, 
 Hath neither coach, or chaife, or chair, in 
 Which (he can with convenience ride, 
 But on a broom-flick fits aflride : 
 Thus mounted, fhe thro' wind and weather 
 Will feud away, like any feather : 
 And fo by means of blafls and breezes 
 Will any mifchief do fhe pleafes. 
 Now the broom-flick, it is well known, 
 Hath no fuch virtue of its own, 
 Nor can it do or harm or good 
 More than another flick of wood, 
 Until 'tis warm'd by magic breech 
 
 Of
 
 L 232 ] 
 
 Of pow'rful fuper flraddling witch. 
 So jurymen, plac'd fide by fide, 
 Are flicks whereon the judges ride ; 
 But have no pow'r to fpeak or budge 
 Until infpir'd by tail of judge. 
 For when his honour's fairly feated, 
 The bench will thereby foon be heated, 
 Conveying fympathetic fury, 
 From tail of judge to head of jury : 
 Who, tho' they torpid flood before, 
 And dead as any naU in door, 
 Are animated to obey 
 Whate'er their honours pleafe to fay j 
 And ignoramus^ or true bill, find 
 According to the judge's mind. 
 
 So necromancers raife the devil 
 To anfwer queflions good or evil. 
 
 BUT fhould his honour raife bum-fiddle a 
 The charm would break off in the middle, 
 And jurymen be left of courfe 
 In former plight, if not much worfe. 
 
 A feather thus, by learn'd inftruclor, 
 Fix'd nicely on the prime conductor, 
 Will fwell its plumage in a minute, 
 And ftart as if the devil was in it : 
 But let the electric fpark be drawn, 
 And all its animation's gone.
 
 L 2 33 1 
 
 OF juries 'tis a known law canon, 
 
 The judge is caufafme qua non : 
 
 And this muft be what Adrian means, 
 
 In faying they are MERE MACHINES. 
 
 SEMPRONIUS. 
 
 A jury's like a door, no doubt, 
 The hardmip is to make it out j 
 Yet by the help of tongue and brain, 
 I hope to make the likenefs plain. 
 
 JURIES, like doors, empannel'd are, 
 And both fecur'd by a bar : 
 Exactly balanc'd doors fhould be, 
 On equal hinges, turning free : 
 So juries right from wrong divide, 
 Not leaning falfe to either fide ; 
 But on two hinges juftly aft, 
 The one call'd law, the other faff, 
 A door is made to turn about, 
 To let folks in, or mut them out j 
 And with a lock and key made certain, 
 To keep the door and port from parting. 
 So to the duties of his ftation, ~) 
 
 A jury's bound by admin'frration > 
 Of oath, or folemn affirmation ; _) 
 Which like a lock mould keep them tight 
 To ports of juftice fix'd upright; 
 But then the judge flill keeps in pocket 
 A key to lock or to unlock it ; 
 
 Knows
 
 C 2 34 ] 
 
 Knows all the wards, and fprings, and fcrews 
 
 That bolt it faft, or let it loofe ; 
 
 For by the law, expounding confcience, 
 
 He'll make an oath, or fenfe, or nonfenfe; 
 
 Extent of affirmation meafure, 
 
 Moft learnedly bj will and pleafure : 
 
 And prove that words in fenfe may vary, 
 
 And two oppofed meanings carry -, 
 
 The one for thofe of common fort, 
 
 The other for the learned court : 
 
 And fo warp juries to that fide 
 
 Which moft fhall pleafe his wrath or pride, 
 
 Surrounding them with legal fences, 
 
 Until they've almoft loft their fenfes : 
 
 Then blind their eyes, that he may {hew 
 
 The way in which they ought to go. 
 
 And this explains what Adrian means, 
 
 By calling juries mere machines. 
 
 EUDOCIUS. 
 
 Tis well if this is reafoning right, 
 I'm not in fuch a woeful plight} 
 But in few words can make it clear 
 That jurymen like clocks appear. 
 A clock is form'd with curious art, 
 And wifdom fhewn every part : 
 And weights, and wheels, and fprings combine 
 To prove that motion's the defign : 
 But whether it fhall go or flop, 
 Depends upon the winding up : 
 
 For
 
 For of itfelf it hath no power 
 
 To point the time, or ftrike the hour , 
 
 The matter's over-ruling hand 
 
 Hath all its movements at command : 
 
 He turns a fcrew to make it go, 
 
 Juft as he pleafes, faft or tlow : 
 
 To STRIKE, or SILENT, fets a pin 
 
 According to the humour he's in. 
 
 The poor machine, without difpute, 
 
 Or dins our ears, or ftands quite mute. 
 
 The clock prefumes to point at four, 
 
 The matter fays, 'tis falfe I'm fure ; 
 
 And by his arbitrary power, 
 
 Soon makes it tell another hour. 
 
 And thus the clock the time lhall meafure, 
 
 Not by the fun, but his good pleafure. 
 
 And what's a jury but a fort 
 
 Of paflive time-piece for a court ; 
 
 A clock, the key of which in truft is 
 
 Of learned judge, or unlearn'd juttice. 
 
 A jury's power exifts or ceafes, 
 
 According to the court's caprices, 
 
 Nor dare, or to releafe, or damn us, 
 
 By a true bi/l, or ignoramus ; 
 
 Unlefs the judge firft gives the cue, 
 
 T'inform them what they ought to do. 
 
 That this is law I do aver, 
 
 And for authority refer 
 
 To Bailey'?, journal, where you'll find 
 
 The doftrine clear, by Adrian fign'd. 
 
 DION.
 
 DION. 
 
 WHO cannot make his likenefs fit, 
 Muft take a glafs to help his wit ; 
 Becaufe, 'tis faid, Madeira wine 
 Will fharpen wit, or make it mine, 
 Juft like a {having in a blaze, or 
 A hone or {trap, will whet a razor, 
 But I'm in hopes to drive my waggon, 
 Without the help of glafs or flaggon, 
 If you'll allow fix horfes ftrong 
 To drag my fimile along. 
 Doth not a jury's foreman feem 
 Juft like the fore-horfe of a team ? 
 Where e'er he leads, up hill, down hollow, 
 The reft can do no lefs than follow. 
 The judge the driver may referable, 
 With whip in hand, to make them tremble, 
 To lafh them well with points of law, 
 Should they prefume to GEE or HAW; 
 Or ftand ftock {till, or change their ftation, " 
 Againft his honour's inclination. 
 
 QUOTH Didiusy ftop ! you drive fo faft, 
 You'll find yourfelf bemir'd at laft. 
 Can things inanimate compare 
 With thofe that; living creatures are ? 
 A mere machine be found at all 
 Like a felf-moving animal ? 
 A horfe hath each effential part 
 Like us as brains, and lungs, and heart ; 
 Hath tendons, finews, mufcles, nerves, 
 
 And
 
 [ 2 37 J 
 
 And each aa equal purpofe ferves 
 In him and us th' intent the fame, 
 Nor varied ought in form or name. 
 Philofophers of nice difcerning 
 Have fearch'd the very depths of learning, 
 And held the moft profound difputes 
 About the mortal fouls of brutes ; 
 Yet cannot to this hour determine 
 What animates the meaneft vermin. 
 
 SOME will infift, that each dumb creature 
 Is ruled by th' inftincl: of his nature j 
 That what they do is done of courfe, 
 Not by volition, but per force j 
 Nature impelling them to do 
 What looks like reafon at firft view : 
 But, what's this inftincl:, what their mind, 
 No metaphyfics yet could find. 
 Whillr, others boldly reafon thus ; 
 That brutes have fouls as well as us ; 
 That when a horie remembers where 
 He has been fed and nars'd with care, 
 His memory is the fame with ours, 
 The fame in kind, tho' not in powers : 
 Aver a dog can form a projeft, 
 And argue fhrewdly in dog logic, 
 And fhew more wifdom in his plan, 
 Than an untutor'd ftupid man ; 
 Will fay, the Ivwejl of our race 
 Should to the beft of their's give place : 
 Reafon with inftincl: blending fo, 
 
 That
 
 C *38 1 
 
 That none their real bounds can know. 
 
 But I fhallnot prefume to fay, 
 
 In this difpute, which fhould give way. 
 
 Doubtlefs there many cafes are, . 
 
 Where men with brutes may well compare. 
 
 But mere machines cannot at all 
 
 Be liken'd to an animal ; 
 
 Nor can a man, unlefs in drink, 
 
 Say clocks or juries ever think; 
 
 Their movement may deceive our eyes, 
 
 And look, indeed, like fomething wife, 
 
 But 'tis and fuch is Adrian's notion, 
 
 A foreign force that gives them motion, 
 
 Deriving all their power to budge 
 
 From gravity of the earth or judge. 
 
 So that, altho' your fimile's bold, 
 
 I find the likenefs will not hold : 
 
 Befides, you firfr, a waggon brought, 
 
 Alledging it was like my thought, 
 
 And now attempt to {hew, which worfe is, 
 
 A jury's like a team of horfes ; 
 
 You've chang'd your ground, artful indeed, 
 
 But tho' your labour can't fucceed, 
 
 At leaft we thank you for your rhyme, 
 
 And wifti you luck another time. 
 
 CETERA DESUNT. 
 
 A NEW
 
 [ 2 9 
 
 A NEW GAME WITH CARDS FOU THE IM 
 PROVEMENT OF ORTHOGRAPHY. 
 
 a pack, confifling of 104 cards,be prepared, 
 by printing on each card (with engraved orna 
 ments, if you pleafe) a letter ; fo that there may 
 be four fets of the alphabet viz. ift. a fet of red 
 capitals ; 2d. red fmall letters ; 3d. black capitals ; 
 4th, black fmall letters Thus there will be four 
 fuits, as in common playing cards ; each fuit con 
 fifling of 26 cards, or letters, of one colour and 
 kind. 
 
 As many as pleafe may play at this game : but 
 the number cannot conveniently be lefs than 
 five. 
 
 BEFORE the cards are dealt, every player mould 
 take a number of counters, fuppofe a dozen, 
 which muft all be thrown into a faucer or pool. 
 
 THE pack having been well muffled, is fet on 
 
 the table, and the dealer takes from the top as ma- 
 
 ny as he may judge fufficient for a deal ( becaufe 
 
 it may be inconvenient to handle fo large a pack), 
 
 i and
 
 and then deals round by twos till each perfon 
 has got 10 cards. The remainder, if any, he mud 
 again lay on the pack. This done, each perfon 
 forts his hand. The cards rank according to the 
 rank in which the letters they refpeftively bear 
 ftand in the alphabet Thus, an (a) is fuperior 
 to a (b), and to any fubfequent letter of its own 
 clafs. Capitals bear alike rank amongft them- 
 felves ; but the lowed capital is fuperior to the high- 
 eft fmall letter of its own colour Therefore a capi 
 tal Z will win a fmall (a) of the fame colour ; but 
 it fliould be obferved that the red letters are always 
 fuperior to the black ; fo that a fmall red (Z) will 
 take a capital black (A). The red letters are to 
 be confidered as trumps. There is no other diftinc- 
 tion of powers in the letters, except this viz. that 
 the capital red ( W) (which fliould be diftinguiih- 
 ed by particular ornaments in honour of the name 
 of WASHINGTON) is fuperior to any other card 
 or cards whatever ; it may be played down at any 
 time the poifeffor pleafes,withoutregard to the lead, 
 and always wins the trick in which it is played ; an- 
 fwering to t\\efpadU\v\. quadril, or pam in hi. 
 
 TuEcardsbeing dealt, the eldeft hand plays; fup- 
 
 pofe a fmall black letter, the next, and all the reft, 
 
 mud play a black letter alfo, but it may be either a 
 
 fmall or a capital letter. If the perfon to play 
 
 3 cannot
 
 r 4i 3 
 
 cannot follow the colour, he may trump, that s, 
 play down any red letter he has got. When all 
 have played, he wins the trick, who hath played 
 the letter of the higheft rank ; the trick muft then 
 be gathered up and laid by itfelf, not mixing it 
 with other tricks that may be won afterwards. 
 
 To avoid confufion and difputes, it will be bed 
 for every perfon, when he plays, to lay his card 
 down before him, and not throw the cards toge 
 ther in the middle of the table as at whift ; in 
 order that it may be certainly known what card 
 each perfon hath played, and who hath won the trick. 
 
 THE firfl trick being gathered up, the winner 
 Jeads, and the play goes on as before. 
 
 WHEN all the 10 cards in each hand have been 
 played out, the eldefl, if he hath been a winner, 
 begins by fpreading one of his tricks open on the 
 table. If there fliould be fix players, each trick 
 will confifl of fix cards or letters ; if feven, of 
 feven, &c. He is then, out of the letters of 
 each trick, to compofe as many well fpelled Eng- 
 lifh words as he can ; but he mud not ufe or mix 
 the letters of one trick with thofe of another, 
 fhould he have more than one : And for every 
 word fo compofed he is to draw a flake or (lakes 
 from the pool. 
 
 ( No
 
 r 242 ] 
 
 No word, however, muftconfift of Jefs than three 
 letters, and the names of perfons and places are 
 not to be admitted. 
 
 IN forming the words, no regard is to be had 
 whether the letters are black orred, capital or fmall 
 all the letters of a fingle trick may be ufed pro- 
 mifcuoufly, except that if the party can make out 
 a word with all red letters, he is to draw double 
 flakes for it. T aflly, a flake is to be drawn for 
 every fyllable of which the word confifls always 
 drawing double for what is performed with red 
 letters only. 
 
 AFTER a winner hath examined his trick, and 
 drawn from the pool, or thrown it afide as af 
 fording nothing, if any other player can difcover 
 a word in that trick which the winner did not ob- 
 ferve, the difcoverer {hall draw the flakes due for 
 that word for himfelf. 
 
 THE tricks being all examined, the whole pack 
 muft be well fhuffled, and the next in turn deal 
 ing, the game goes on as before. When the 
 pool is exhaufted. thofe who have gained more 
 th;m thc-ir firfl depofit are the winners, and thofe 
 who are deficient are by fo muchlofers. 
 
 OBSER-
 
 OBSERVATION. 
 
 A S the cards are not all dealt out in one hand, 
 no one can tell what letters will be againft him in 
 each round, he will, therefore, be cautious or 
 bold, according to circumftances, in rilking his 
 bed letters. As fuccefs does not depend on the 
 number of tricks won, but on the words fuch 
 tricks will furniih, each player will be careful of 
 his vowels, without which no word can be form 
 ed, and of fuch confonants as experience (hall (hew 
 to be mod ferviceable in the compofition o f words. 
 If, therefore, he is likely to lofe the trick, he will 
 throw down fuch a letter as he {hall judge, from a 
 view of the cards played, may lead benefit the win 
 ner; but, if he thinks he fhall make the trick his 
 own, he will enrich it with a vowel, or fome valu 
 able confonant, as far as the rules of the game 
 (hall permit. 
 
 THE letters having thefe powers affigned to 
 them, according to their rank, colour, and fize, 
 will admit of great varieties and improvements in 
 play ; but as this game is chiefly intended for 
 children, a too great intricacy is purpofely avoided. 
 
 2 N. B. The
 
 244 ] 
 
 N. B. The fame letters in any one trick may 
 be ufed again and again, provided they can be 
 made to form different words. For example ; 
 fuppofe the letters of a trick mould be P, S, E, 
 T, R, C, E, they will compofe the follow 
 ing words, viz. fet^ pet, fpetter and feeder ; and 
 would draw 8 (lakes, or 16 if they fhould be 
 all red letters. 
 
 Two perfons may play, if they agree before 
 hand how many cards mall make a trick ; for in- 
 flance, 4 or 5 ; otherwife there would be but two 
 luters to a trick, which would not do. 
 
 SOME
 
 [ 245 ] 
 
 AND MO1T COMMODIOUS METHOD OF 
 
 WRITING,- 
 
 THEREBY AN AUTHOR OF LITTLE OR NO GENIUS WILL BE 
 ENABLED TO EXPRESS HIMSELF WITH MECHANICAL PRO 
 PRIETY. INVENTED AND FIRST MADE KNOWN BY A. B. 
 
 VrENIUS is the gift of heaven, and manifefts it- 
 felf by emanations altogether unexpected and 
 furprifing. Its powers are not to be obtained 
 by application and ftudy, but they may be affifted 
 by art. When genius hath brought forth, art takes 
 up and nurfes the child, and carefully confult- 
 ing its features, deduces rules for a happy con 
 ception. 
 
 SUCH
 
 r 246 3 
 
 SUCH being the connexion between genius and 
 art, it is but reafonable that a mutual intercourfe 
 of good offices {hould fubfiil between them. For 
 my own part, I muft confefs that nature hath not 
 been over bountiful to me in the article of genius ; 
 but I am defirous of exerting the little flic hath 
 given inbehalf of thofc who may have no more than 
 myfelf. For this purpofe I have dcvifed a method 
 of writing on any fubjeft; in which not only the 
 found may be an echo to the fenfe, if any fenfe 
 there be, but the eye alfo fhall be gratified with an 
 exhibition of mechanical elegance and propriety ; 
 the only elegance perhaps to which fuch writers 
 can attain. 
 
 BY this fcheme the conftruftion of a paragraph, 
 the progrefs of a line, and even the difpofition of 
 the words, may all contribute to enforce the idea 
 intended. 
 
 IT would be a tedious talk to form a fyflem of 
 rules for this new method of writing, or to give a 
 defcription at large of my ufeful device ; one ex 
 ample will fully explain the whole, fo as to enable 
 an author of the meaneil capacity to underftand 
 and profit by the defign j and a little practice will 
 make it familiar to him. 
 
 A SAM-
 
 [ 47 I 
 
 A SAMPLE OF GOOD WRITING. 
 
 height 
 to the 
 
 rife 
 
 AN author who wiihes to of excellence of 
 good -writing, muft O Q to call in me- 
 
 chanical propriety to his aid. He cannot be 
 
 fublirae : 
 all at once but tf* 
 
 to the 
 
 profound, 
 
 
 f 
 
 to elegance, 
 
 AND whether he writes in plain profe j 
 
 Or
 
 [ 248 ] 
 
 C)r would in verfe his thoughts convey, 
 His rhyming talents to difplay ; 
 
 and the di&ion 
 ftrift propriety fhould prevail, 
 
 and the fenfe 
 
 run parallel to each other ; pleafmg as well the 
 eye as the ear. 
 
 SOME have a happy talent for expreffion, where 
 by they compenfate for the want of fentiment by 
 the enchanting melody of their ftile. Their lan 
 guage 
 
 **'** 
 
 , 
 /cadence. 
 
 and the mind lull'd in a pleafmg repofe. 
 
 OTHERS, without giving to grammar rules of 
 fence, fhall arrange fo unfkilfully their words ; 
 breaking as it were, and interrupting the fenfe (or 
 rather nonfenfe) they mean to communicate, by 
 frequent (and oft times unneceffary) parenthefis, 
 that the ear flumbles over their rugged paragraphs, 
 
 as
 
 r 249 I 
 
 as the feet would ftumble in fcramblmg through 
 
 a ftreet, when the 
 
 ^ < up; over 
 
 pave A ^beeo. <% bricks, 
 
 # * :s and 
 
 \' fu ly. "V 
 
 *T^- 'l^ a ^i * vA 
 
 O-> ICQ ^J 
 
 together c * 
 
 THE mind of the reader is more fa ti 
 
 gu ed by travelling through a fentence fo 
 
 conftrufted, than it would be in gliding through a 
 whole page of harmonious phrafeology. 
 
 YOUR precife grammarians are mod apt to write 
 in this ftile, thinking that they have well acquitted 
 themfelves, if the drift rules of fyntax are in no 
 inftance violated. The labourer who mixes the 
 mortar, and he who carries the hod, may as well 
 pretend to fkill in archite&ure, as thefe haberdafh- 
 ers of moods and tenfes may pretend to ta.de and 
 elegance in compofition. 
 
 OTHERS there are who aiFecl a fmgularity of 
 
 above 
 
 ftile It is indubitable verity, that their 
 
 the vulgar. 
 
 phrafes
 
 phrafes are collated from the moft approved au 
 thors, and applied with the moft becoming apti 
 tude, even to the very point of precifion in pro 
 priety , every period is poliihed and rounded off 
 
 as fo 
 
 O 
 
 
 a 
 
 I 
 
 Whilft others fcorn the 
 
 of language, deal in demonftration ^ ' 
 
 BY the foregoing example it is evident, that not 
 only an author's fentiments may be more forcibly 
 impreffed on the mind, but the reader's memory 
 will alfo be greatly aflifted, if happily any thing fo 
 written ihould be worth remembering. 
 
 ANOTHER advantage is, that fuch performan 
 ces may with great eafe be reduced to a kind of 
 
 fliort
 
 C 5' 1 
 
 fhort hand. For inflance, the above example will 
 (land thus : 
 
 o n 
 
 * AN
 
 (tf AN ail of aflembly pafTed in April 1781, directing all the 
 trees in the ftreets of Philadelphia to be cut down and removed ; 
 the following publication appeared in oppofition. 
 
 THE law was never executed, and foon after repealed. 
 
 For the Pennsylvania Gazette. 
 
 .LOOKING over a file of papers, which lay on 
 my table, I found a very extraordinary fpeech, 
 delivered by a very extraordinary orator, in our 
 houfe of aifembly in April lad, which I had taken 
 down in fhort hand, but not from the mouth of 
 the fpeaker. I muth wonder that this oration, 
 with the furprifmg circumflances that attended it, 
 have not been noticed in any of the public prints : 
 I hope the following account of that tranfa&ion 
 will not be thought unworthy of a place in the 
 Pennfylvania Gazette. 
 
 ON the 1 2th of April laft, the houfe took into 
 confideration, and debated by paragraphs, a bill 
 entitled, " An afl for regulating party-walls and 
 " partition-fences, in the city of Philadelphia, &c." 
 when, to the amazement of all prefent, the bufmefs 
 was interrupted by a voice, perfectly articulate, 
 proceeding from the capital of one of the columns 
 which fupported the ceiling of the room. 
 
 THIS
 
 THIS voice claimed a right to be heard on th 
 fubjecl of the bill then before the houfe. 
 
 AFTER the firft furprife at fuch an unufiml pro 
 digy had a little fubfided, the right of a column to 
 interfere in the bufmefs of the houfe was confi- 
 dercd and objected to ; and it was urged, that no 
 inftance had ever occured where a wooden mem 
 ber a blockhead had prefumed to fpeak in that 
 affembly : that this column could, by no con- 
 ftruclion of law, be admitted as the reprefen- 
 tative of any part or diftridt of Pennfylvania, 
 having never been ballotted for, elected, or 
 returned as a member of aiTembly That the 
 houfe, when fully met, neceflarily confided of 
 a certain number of members, and no more, 
 and that this number is full and complete, by 
 the returns from the feveral counties, as ap 
 pears by the records of the houfe : therefore, 
 if this column fliould be allowed a voice, there 
 mud be a fupernumerury member fomewhere, 
 which would be an abfolute violation of the con- 
 ftitution. And laftly, that it is contrary to the order 
 of nature that an inanimate log mould interfere 
 in the affairs of rational beings ; providence ha 
 ving been pleated to diftinguifli fo obvioufly be 
 tween men and things. 
 
 To all this the column firmly replied That he 
 
 was
 
 C 254 1 
 
 was, properly fpeaking, -A.ftanding member of that 
 houfe, having been duly fixed in his flation by 
 thofe who had the right and power to place him 
 there That he -was the true reprefentative of 
 a numerous race, defcended in a direft line from 
 the aborigines of this country thofe venerable 
 anceftors who gave the name of Pennfyhania 
 to this ftate, and whofc pofterity now inhabit eve 
 ry county in it That he was not only a member 
 of the houfe, but one of its principal fupporters, 
 in as much as they could never make a houfe with 
 out him That he had faithfully attended the pub 
 lic bufmefs, having never been fined as an abfentec 
 . And that thofe very members who now oppofed 
 him, had confided in his wifdom and intregrity, by 
 conflantly appealing to him * in every conteft 
 about the rules and internal economy of the houfe. 
 And, laftly, that as the bill under confideration fo 
 nearly concerned his fellow creatures; and as he 
 found himfelf miraculoufly endowed with the power 
 of fpeech for this occafion, he was determined to 
 make ufe of it in behalf of thofe who could 
 not fpeak for themfelves. After much debate, 
 it was determined that the houfe would hear 
 what this importunate port had to fay refpe- 
 
 ing 
 
 * The rules of the houfe are framed and hung up againft one of 
 the columns.
 
 r 
 
 ing the bill before them: but peremtorily re- 
 fufed to allow him a vote on this or any other 
 bufmefs in that affembly. 
 
 THE columnar orator, having obtained leave, 
 addrefTed the houfe in the following and words. 
 
 " I am happy, oh ! fellow citizens that fpeech 
 hath been given me on this important occafion : 
 and that I have your permiffion to exercife a 
 power, thus wonderfully obtained, in the caufe 
 of truth and juftice. 
 
 " I ftand here this day an upright advocate for 
 
 injured innocence. What fury what madnefs 
 
 oh! deluded fenators! hath induced you to propofe 
 
 the extirpation of thofe to whom you are indebted 
 
 for fo many of the elegancies, comforts, and blef- 
 
 fmgs oi life? If the voice of juftice is not to be 
 
 regarded within thefe walls, let your own inte- 
 
 refts influence your conduct on this occafion. For 
 
 I hope to fliew that your fafety and happinefs 
 
 are much more deeply concerned, in the bufmefs 
 
 you are upon, than you are at prefent aware 
 
 of. 
 
 " By the iath feftion of the bill now depen- 
 pending, it is propofed to cut down and remove 
 
 all
 
 all the trees {landing in the flreets, lanes, or alleys 
 of this city What! do we then hold our lives on 
 fuch an uncertain tenure? Shall the refpeftable and 
 inoffenfive inhabitants of this diy Jland or fall 
 according to the caprice of a few ignorant petiti 
 oners? And will this houfe without remorfe, with 
 out even the form of trial, give its fanction to an 
 edict, which hath not a parallel lince the fangui- 
 nary days of Herod of Jewry! But I hope to con 
 vince this honourable houfe that trees, as well as . 
 men, are capable of enjoying the rights of citizeu- 
 {hip, and therefore ought to be protected in 
 thofe rights that having committed no offence, 
 this arbitary edict cannot conjiitutionally pafs a- 
 gainft them and that your own, and the wel 
 fare of your condiments, is nearly concerned 
 in their prefervation and culture. 
 
 * e THE fuperiority which man hath afTumed over 
 what he calls the irrational and inanimate parts 
 of the creation, is a fuperiority only founded in 
 in his own pride and ignorance of our nature 
 and faculties The lame divine hand that for 
 med you formed us ; alfo the fame elements that 
 nouriih you nouriih us like you ; we are compe 
 ted of bones, blood- veiTds, fibres, and, for 
 ought you know, mufcles and nerves Wit- 
 i nefs
 
 r 257 j 
 
 nefs the whole clafs of fenfitive plants, wherein, 
 involuntary motion is made fenfible even to your 
 grofs vifion like you, we die, and return to 
 the earth from which we fprang, and then 
 even the wifeft amongft you cannot diftin- 
 guifh between the dud of an tlm and of a 
 emperor* 
 
 " BUT I go much farther, and affert from your 
 own authorities, that we fleep and wake ; that 
 we are male and female ; that we are married and 
 given in marriage ; and that we propogate our 
 fpecies to fuller effe&, and in a manner fomewhat 
 fimilar to what you do yourfelves. In fupport of 
 thefe do&rines, I could cite many refpeftable au 
 thorities from the ancients j and amongft the mo- 
 derns Grew, Millington, Ray, Camerarius, More- 
 land, Geoffrey , Vaillant, and above all, your favou 
 rite Linnaus. 
 
 " WHEREIN then doth the vaft difference be 
 tween men and the vegetable kingdom confift ? I am 
 bold to alk, wherein doth it confift ? Oh ! cries yon- 
 der loquacious lord of the creation, wecan 
 wecanra7/o:Oh! criesyonder reftlefs 
 member, we can move from place to place. To the 
 latter I anfwer, fo can an afs, an ow/ 9 an Ee/, and to 
 much better advantage than he can, with all his 
 R locomotive
 
 L 
 
 locomotive faculties. The former requires a more 
 ferious reply. 
 
 u WE can converfe^c can reafon. Be it fo. Man, 
 arbitrary man, hath affixed certain ideas to certain 
 founds. If thefe founds or noifes are adapted to his- 
 miferable apprehenfion, they are called language y 
 reafon, mufic^ and what not. But if the man fhould 
 not be wife enough to underftand the meaning of 
 the ndife he hears, he does not hefitate to pro 
 nounce it jargon, nonfence, unintelligible fluff- 
 Thus, for inftance, a man ftands up and makes a 
 longnoife, called philofophy, divinity Ja-w, &c.anafs 
 lifts up his head, and makes a much greater noife, and 
 it is called braying : yet to his own fpecies, the afs 
 is an intelligent creature, and his language is well un- 
 derftood by them. If then man can thus miftake the 
 matter with refpeft to brutes, although he fees 
 that nature hath given them the apparent organs 
 of fpeech, and daily hears them exercife thefe 
 organs for the purpofes intended, may he not alfo 
 be miftaken with refpecl: to the languageof plants ? 
 a language too refined to make any impreflion 
 on his grofs and callous fenfes ? That fuch a 
 language doth actually exift, might be proved 
 from the authority of holy writ; wherein we arc 
 frequently told, that the valleys rejoice and fmg, 
 and the cedars of Lebanon praife the Lord. But 
 
 I fhall
 
 r 259 ] 
 
 I fhall content myfelf with reading to your honours 
 a paffage to this purpofe from that ingenious au 
 thor Cyrano de Bergerac Voyage to the Moon 
 p. 91. 
 
 " THIS fancy of eating by himfelf made me cu- 
 " rious to know the reafon of it. I was anfwered, 
 " that he chofe not to tafte either the odor of 
 " meats or of herbs ,unlefs they had died fpontane- 
 " oufly : becaufe he imagined them beings capable 
 ." of grief. I am not much furprifed, replied I, that 
 <c fome orders of people here abftain from flefh 
 " and things that have fenfitive life ; yet it 
 " feems to me ridiculous to fear hurting a cab- 
 " bage in the cutting. For my part, replied the de- 
 <c mon, I mud own there appears to me good rea- 
 " fon for fuch an opinion. For is not a cabbage 
 <c a being exifling in nature as you are ? Have 
 " you not both her equally for your mother ? 
 * c and (he is more immediately fo to the vegetable 
 " than to the rational prod-uclion. The generation 
 " of the latter Hie hath left to the whim of a pa- 
 " tent: a rigour fhe doth not extend to the former, 
 * 6 in as much as me obliges one to produce ano- 
 " ther. And whilft one man is fcarcely able to get 
 * c more than a fcore of his fpecies at beft, a head of 
 * 4 cabbage lhall produce four or five hundred of 
 R 2 " its
 
 [ 260 ] 
 
 ce its own fort. Should we fay that nature hath a 
 66 greater efteem for a man then {he has for a cub* 
 cc bage, it would be only with a view to make us 
 " laugh ; for nature is in incapable of paffion, and 
 " can neither love nor hate. If {he was fufceptible 
 " of love, (he certainly would have a greater ten- 
 " dernefs for the inoffenfive cabbage, than for the 
 '-* unrelenting man who deflroys it." And again 
 
 P- 95- 
 
 " Who has given us the knowledge 
 
 " of certaiii beings fuperior to us, to whom we 
 " are neither related nor proportioned, and whofe 
 " exiflence we find it as difficult to conceive, as 
 " the manner in which a cabbage can addrefs loelt 
 " to its own fpecies ? To underftand which com- 
 *' munication ourfenfes are too weak, remember, 
 " if you can, amongft all the fpecies of animals one 
 *' more proud than the cabbage : who, while you 
 " deftroy him, is above complaining ; yettho* he 
 cc difdains to murmur, he thinks, neverthelefs, the 
 * c more. If he wants fuch organs as you are mailer 
 " of, formed for wailings and tears, yet he has o- 
 " thers where-with to implore heaven to revenge 
 " the injury done him, and expeds it will not be 
 " with-held. It is not unlikely but you may afk, 
 " how I know the cabbage has thefe fine thoughts? 
 " but inform me firft, can you prove it has not ? 
 < or that, at the clofe of the night, the Ruffia cab- 
 
 " bagc
 
 C 
 
 * e bage docs not fay to the favoy, goodfavoy, your 
 " Woft humble fervant'" 
 
 " BUT (till, fays man, we have rationality and 
 rifibility to diftinguifh us from the reft of the 
 creation j that is, when nature gave one man the 
 power to reafon, fhe gave another the power to 
 laugh at him. For our parts, we confefs, we never 
 reafon ; we are fatisfied with being direfted by the 
 laws of nature, which fully enable us to anfwer the 
 end of our creation. We pretend not to be wifer 
 than the hand that madje us, and therefore we 
 are gviilty of BO follies or excefles. We employ 
 none of our powers in deviling means for the more 
 fpeedy and effectual deftru&ion of our fpecies : 
 we do all the good we can ; and when we can dp 
 no more, we retire from our prefent form of exi- 
 flence to make room for our fucceflbrs. 
 
 " THIS rationality, on which you fo much value 
 yourfelves, is, in my opinion, a flriking mark of 
 imbecility and difgrace, a punimment infli&ed 
 on your race, doubtlefs, for fome heinous offence 
 heretofore committed. The intelligent beings of 
 the fpiritual world never reafon ; they fee truth 
 intuitively; they know the whole chain of caufes 
 and effefts ; they fee, that in a triangle, the great- 
 ft angle muft be fubtended by the longeft fide, 
 R 3 without
 
 r 262 j 
 
 Without any reafoning upon the problem. And 
 in terrefirial nature there is no creature but man 
 that is obliged to reafon. They all perform their 
 refpeftive functions with precifion and certainty 
 under the influence of a law that cannot err; 
 whilfl: your reafon is ever involving you in difficul 
 ties and abfurdities ; is ever deducing falfe con- 
 clufions from falfe premifes ; and the wifer you 
 think yourfelves the more mifchief you generally 
 do : what is reafon one day is not reafon ano 
 ther. About thirty years ago you reafoned upon 
 the difeafe called the fmall-pox ; and thoufands in 
 every city and country fell facrifices to your ra 
 tional fyftem. But you have now difcovered that 
 your fyftem is no longer rational, and have adopt 
 ed a quite different mode of practice. Accident, 
 not reafon, difcovered your error ; and fad and 
 nature contradicted the learned arguments of ma 
 ny a lengthy treatife on the fubjecT: : and this has 
 been the cafe in every art and fcience ; the folid 
 reafonings of one age have been difputed, found 
 fallacious, and defpifed by another. 
 
 BESIDES this, your reafon teaches you to 
 fquare all nature by your ideas of truth, and you 
 know not what truth is : For inflance, you eat, and 
 drink, and walk, and you fay I have life: but yonder 
 willow can do none of thefe, therefore it is inani 
 mate,
 
 t 263 ] 
 
 mate. Deluded man! Can your weak intelle'&s 
 difcover all the nice gradations of life from the 
 flone to the mofs that grows upon it ; from the 
 mofs to the fenfitive plant, fo called ; from the 
 fenfitivc plant to the polypus ; from the polypus 
 to the oyfler ; from the oyfler to the ape ; from 
 the ape to the man ; from the man to the angel j 
 from the angel to an infinite feries of beings whom 
 you know nothing of ? Do you not fee that all 
 the exhibitions in nature are but fo many different 
 modifications and manifeflations of one original 
 effence or principle ? Is not the gravity which re 
 tains Jupiter in his orbit, the fame gravity which 
 operates on a grain in the fcales of a Jew ? .The 
 intelligent beings above you amufe themfelves with 
 the ridiculous blunders your rationality is continu 
 ally making. They defpife the wretch, who, flretch- 
 cs every faculty of his mind to amafs a hoard of 
 wealth, which he has not the fpirit to enjoy j they 
 pity the inevitable fate of the voluptuous, and the 
 vain toils of ambition ; but they laugh inceflantly 
 at the folly of him who ranfacks the earth to ga 
 ther flicks and flones, fhells and bones, and after 
 fpending years in arranging them to his mind, 
 makes a raree-fhow of his colle&ion, and firms a 
 fbilofopher, full of felf-importance and vain conceit. 
 
 IF
 
 t 264 J 
 
 " IP follies, abfurdities, and miftakes, were the 
 only cffe&s of your boafted reafon, they might be 
 patiently borne with j but when you exercife it to 
 over-reach, ruin, and deflroy each other ; when 
 you exert its powers to conceal or embarrafs truth; 
 to eftablifli falfehood and injuftice ; to lead the 
 blind out of his way, and the lame into a ditch ; 
 to render yourfelves more ingenioufly wicked, 
 and more effectually mifchievous ; thofe divine in 
 telligences look down with difgufl and horror on, 
 your boafted reafon. They turn afide from the 
 hateful object, and contemplate with pleafurc 
 the ftately oak and the wide fpreading beech ; 
 the water-loving willow, and the fruitful vine ; e- 
 ven all the vegetable creation, which from the 
 pine that waves on the mountains' height, to the 
 herb that drinks the dew of the valley, fill with 
 exaft propriety their refpeftive ftations, and 
 are invariably governed by the laws of nature, 
 which are the laws of truth and wifdom. 
 
 AFTER all, your reafon is but inftincl: broke 
 lofe ; or rather inftincl is reafon confined within 
 proper limits, and directed to the proper objefts. 
 Do not then prefume upon a faculty which, upon 
 the whole, will be found to be the curfe of 
 your fpecies. To prove this, you need only look 
 into hiltory for the facls and characters of former 
 
 times 5
 
 C 
 
 times ; or to look round you for thofe of the 
 prefent. 
 
 " J might now, may it pleafe your honours, point 
 out many circumftances wherein nature hath evi 
 dently and moft advantageoufly diftinguimed the 
 vegetable part of her works from man, by giv 
 ing them a real and fubftantial fuperiority. But, 
 left I fliould wander too far in fo large a field, 
 and encroach upon your patience, I will confine 
 myfclf to one inftance only when a man dies, 
 when he can no longer perform the functions of 
 life, his body becomes, in a few hours, a loath- 
 fome mafs of corruption, which his nearefl friends 
 hurry away, and put out of fight forever. It is not 
 fo with us, witnefs my appearance here this day. 
 It is now many years fince 1 loft my vegetable life by 
 the fatal ax my Ikin was ftript off, and my limbs 
 lopt away and yet you fee my body is ftill of ufe, 
 and I ftand here firm, found, and hearty. And, 
 barring an accident from all confuming fire, I fliall 
 attend future debates in this houfe, when thofe 
 whom I have the honour now to addrefs fhall be 
 no more. 
 
 " HAVING, as I hope, fully proved that trees, 
 as well as men, are capable of citizenfhip, I fliall 
 now proceed to confider the crimes with which 
 the trees of this city have been charged, and which 
 
 the
 
 [ 266 I 
 
 the 1 2 th fe&ion of che bill before the houfe is 
 intended to punifh. 
 
 " THE preamble to this fe&ion fets forth 
 " Whereas trees growing in the public flreets, 
 " lanes, and alleys of the faid city of Philadelphia 
 " do obftrucl the profpect and paffage through 
 " the fame, and alfo difturb the water-courfes 
 " and foot-ways, by the extending and encreafe of 
 <e the roots thereof, and mufl tend to fpread fires 
 " when any break out within the faid city : Be 
 " // therefore enatted" &c. 
 
 " YOUR honours have an old faying, called ajpro- 
 verb, which naturally occurs on this occafion : // 
 is eajy to find a flick to beat a dog. That is, a man 
 is never at a lofs for a reafon for puniming thofe 
 who are in his power, and whom he wifhes to op- 
 prefs. But thefe trees, it feems, obftruft the pro- 
 fpe& of what ? of many wretched buildings and 
 fome dirty alleys. For I deny that any one ele 
 gant ftreet or building in this city is more ob- 
 itrufted by trees than is neceffary to the comfort 
 of the inhabitants, and to give beauty to the pro* 
 fpeft. Men of tafle have always thought that a 
 due mixture of trees and buildings the beauties 
 of nature and art harmonizing with each other 
 elegant architecture difcovered through luxu 
 riant
 
 t 267 1 
 
 riant foliage, compofe an exhibition truly delightful 
 and fublime. But it feems your honours think 
 otherwife. This preamble, therefore, {hould have 
 
 ftood thus " Whereas a modera-te proportion of 
 " trees is fuppofed to be a great ornament to a 
 
 " city, and whereas we have no tafte whatever for 
 " elegance and ornament : Be it therefore 
 
 " IT is faid, that thefe trees obftruft the paffage : 
 but furely this charge is not fupported by faft. 
 They have modeftly ported themfdves as clofe to 
 the gutters and water-courfes as they can, leaving 
 both foot-way and cart-way free and open. If, how 
 ever, any ftraggler {hould be found fo obftrufting 
 the paffage, let him die the death I have nothing 
 to fay in his behalf : but it is farther urged, that 
 the aforefaid trees difturb and diforder the water- 
 courfes and foot-ways by the extenfion of their 
 roots if fo, cut off the offending roots, but do 
 not deftroy the whole tree. When juftice exceeds 
 her limits, (he forfeits her name. Laftly, trees com 
 municate fire Now, a tree hath no greater ene 
 my in nature than fire : cut him into inch pieces, 
 grind him into duft, it will {till exift as wood for ma 
 ny, many years. Fire alone can fuddenly feparate 
 its component parts, and deftroy its name. How 
 then can it be apprehended that we fhould unite 
 
 with
 
 r 268 i 
 
 with our moft inveterate foe for the deftru&ion of 
 the city, or join in the mifchievous purpofes of a 
 common incendiary, whofe power we have rnoft 
 reafon to dread ? 
 
 * 6 BES i DES the charges laid in the bill, two others 
 have been fuggefted againft thefe devoted trees, 
 viz. that they obftruft the operation of the engines 
 in cafe of fire ; and that they are not well affe&ed 
 to the prefent government, becaufe they remained 
 with the enemy when they had pofTeilion of the 
 city. 
 
 te As to the firft, little need be faid in anfwer. 
 "When the cafe occurs, let the obftacle be re 
 moved. It is as f afy to procure an ax as an aft of 
 alTembly ; and the removal may be eafily and 
 fpeedily accomplifhed. But to depopulate a whole 
 city, for the poifible offence of a few individuals, is 
 furely neither law nor reafon. 
 
 " IN reply to the fecond charge, I would afk, 
 Will any one pretend to fay, that the leaving or 
 not leaving the city on the approach of the ene 
 my marks the true line of diftinftion between 
 whig and tory ? It is confeffed that we remained 
 when others fled j w r e ftood our ground, and heroic 
 ally fuffered in our country's caufe, Turn, worthy 
 
 fenarors !
 
 C 269 ] 
 
 fenators ! Turn your eyes to yonder fields ! Look 
 towards the banks of the Schulkyl! Where arc 
 now thofe verdant groves that ufed to clofe the 
 profpet and enrich the fcene ? Where are now 
 thofe venerable oaks, that o'er the evening walk of 
 fober citizen, of mufmg bard, of fportive youths, 
 and iighing nymphs and fwains, were wont to 
 fpread their hofpitable {hade ? Alas ! nought now 
 remains but lifelefs flumps that moulder in the 
 fummer's heat and winter's froft the habitations 
 fit of poifonous funge, toads, and ever gnawing 
 tvorms. Hlnc ilia Lachrymal Thefe were thy 
 feats, oh, Howe ! Excufe, great Sirs, this weaknefs 
 in a poft, or rather join your fympathetic tears 
 xvith mine the lofs is yours a lofs, the import 
 ance of which you have not, perhaps, duly confi- 
 dered 5 which I fliall now endeavour to prefent to 
 your attention. 
 
 " HAVING fhewn/and I hope to the fatisfaftion 
 of my hearers, the rank my fellow-trees hold in 
 the fcale of beings : their capacities of pleafurc 
 and pain, having alfo obviated the charges brought 
 againfl them, and touched upon their fufferings in 
 the great political revolution in this country, I 
 come now to the laft argument intended for their 
 defence, I mean the great ufe and importance 
 they are of to mankind. And here I fhall be ve-
 
 ry concifc, avoiding to mention thofe numerous 
 circumftances in which trees obvioufly contribute 
 to the pleafure, convenience, and profit of men, con 
 fining myfelf to on-eferious confideration,viz. How 
 far the healths and lives of the citizens of Phila 
 delphia may be concerned in the bufmefs you have 
 now in hand. A few hours will be fufficient to 
 execute this fatal law ; but it will take many years 
 to repair the damage when you {hall have difco- 
 vered your error. Confider, therefore, oh ! raih 
 and capricious mortals, what you are about to do j 
 whilft confideration may be of any ufe, caution is 
 never too late, repentance may be. Know that 
 thefe trees, whom you are about to extirpate, 
 are your bed, your fafeft phyficians ; the health 
 of your citizens depends upon their prefervation 
 and growth ; and you are now to decide, not only 
 upon the exigence of a few trees, but poflibly on 
 the lives of hundreds of your fellow-creatures. 
 I fay, thefe trees are your beft, your fafeft phyfi 
 cians. They have published no books, therefore 
 they have no fyftems to defend.- Their practice 
 is ever uniform, dictated by nature, and eftablifh- 
 ed by fuccefs, and, therefore, they make no whim- 
 fical experiments, uncertain in every thing but mi- 
 fery and death. In a word, they have no occaikm 
 to kill one hundred in order to learn how to cure 
 one. 
 
 lyr
 
 r 271 3 
 
 " IN the autumn they modcflly drop tlieir foli 
 age, to admit the comfortable rays of the fun to 
 your dwellings, their leaves being then of no far 
 ther ufe to you. But no fooner does the fpring 
 advance, but they arm themfelves in your defence; 
 they fee. the enemy approach innumerable little 
 deaths, in various fubtle forms. Thefe are by the 
 fermenting heats of fummer, generated in every 
 pool, gutter, and common fewer, and in all the 
 murky filth of your city. No fooner have the 
 poifonous atoms acquired fufEcient malignity, but 
 they leave their native cells and float in air. One 
 of thefe inhaled, infects the blood; and foon a huf- 
 band, fon, or father falls. To prevent this, the 
 friendly tree fpreads its broad and numerous foli 
 age. Every leaf is expanded to intercept and ab- 
 forb the floating mifchief. And thus receiving 
 and digefling the noxious particles, they purify the 
 ambient air. For this important philofophy, you 
 are indebted to Prieftley^ Ingenhoufe, and Fonta- 
 na. The enemy had ftudied thefe authors, when 
 they cut the trees from yonder plain : hoping 
 thereby to leave the atmofphere poifoned for your 
 deftru&ion. -Is it not obvious that difeafes mod 
 prevail when vegetation begins to ceafe? About 
 the middle of Auguft moil leaves have acquired 
 their utmoft growth ; they are then faturated with 
 the noxious vapours, and can no longer perform 
 
 their
 
 F 272 I 
 
 their friendly office : and from that time, to the 
 firfl froit of the feafon, (which concludes the ge 
 neration of thefe pernicious airs,) fkknefs and 
 deaths are mofl frequent. 
 
 " AND will you then, oh, guardians of the peo 
 ple ! will you, by a fata) decree, banifh from among 
 you, thofe falutary citizens, to whom you are fo 
 much indebted for the bleffings of health, with 
 out which, every other temporal bleffing is of little 
 value ? And what advantage do you propofe to 
 yourfelves by the execution of this law? your 
 ftreets and alleys, indeed, will not be obftru&ed 
 by trees, but they may be obftrufted by frequent 
 funerals and mournful proceffions. I will not pro* 
 long the fubjeft If your honours will but balance 
 the imaginary good with the real dangers that will 
 attend your prefcnt purpofe, I am confident, that 
 your zeal for the public fafety, will induce you to 
 remove not the trees from the ftreets of this city, 
 but the 12 th feftion from the bill under confide- 
 ration. 
 
 " I have but one thing more to add ; and that is, 
 that by the 15 th feftion of your conftitution, you 
 are enjoined not to pafs any law,- except on occa- 
 fions of fudden neceflity, until the next feflion af 
 ter the fame hath been propofed and publiihed for 
 4 confi-
 
 C 273 J 
 
 corifideration. No fuch neceflity appears in the 
 prefent cafe the roots and branches of thefe de 
 voted trees will not encreafe to fuch a ruinous and 
 enormous fize, between this and the next feffion of 
 aflembly, as to render immediate amputation ne- 
 ceffary. 
 
 <c I would be far from fuppofing this honourable 
 houfe capable of malice or partiality ; yet I muft 
 obferve, that this bill hath been hurried through 
 the forms of legiflation with unufual fpeed. You 
 have fpent much precious time in determining whe 
 ther A. or B. fliould fit for a certain time in a cer 
 tain chair ; but do not hefitate to doom to death a 
 number of quiet, harmlefs, and beneficent citizens, 
 without remorfe, without enquiry, without even 
 the common forms of juftice." 
 
 HERE the orator ceafed, and was dumb. The 
 houfe was more furprifed at the manner, than at 
 tentive to the matter of this curious fpeech. The 
 queftion was put, and the claufe paffed without a 
 diffenting voice; notwithftanding the importunate 
 eloquence of this philofophic poft. 
 
 SILVESTER. 
 
 Auguft, 1782. 
 
 S DE-
 
 r 274 ] 
 
 DESCRIPTION OF A MACHINE 
 
 r o 
 
 MEASURING A SHIP's WAY THROUGH THE SEA. 
 
 JL HE errors and uncertainties incident to the 
 mariner's log, are too obvious not to be univerfally 
 acknowledged. Were it not for the obfervations 
 navigators are accuftomed to make of a Chip's pro- 
 grefs by the apparent paffage of the water along 
 fide, and the figns that ufually prefent on approach 
 ing the land, the log alone would be a very unfafe 
 dependence. 
 
 SEVERAL attempts have therefore been made to 
 improve the log, and render its indications more 
 accurate, but without fuccefs. All the machines 
 of this kind, that I have heard of, were compofed 
 of a number of wheels, which were to be put in 
 motion by the twitting of a line let out aftern, 
 having a drag at the end, fo conftruckd, as to 
 whirl round, fafter or flower, according to the 
 progreffive motion of the jQiip. 
 
 THE objections to a machine fo conftrufted arc; 
 firft, if the line is not very long, the drag will be 
 
 con-
 
 r 275 ] 
 
 considerably affefted by the {hip's wake ; and if 
 it is very long, the twiftings will be irregular, 
 and the line liable to kink. Secondly , if the drag is 
 fo heavy as to fink below the bottoms of the 
 waves, when the fliip fails faft, it will be too heavy, 
 and fink too deep, when (lie is under little way : 
 or otherwife, if the drag is of a proper weight when 
 the {hip is under little way, it will Ikip from wave 
 to wave when fhe fails with a brilk gale, and fo be 
 of no ufe. And, thirdly, it will be liable to mod 
 of the other irregularities to which the log in com 
 mon ufe is expofed. 
 
 THE machine now propofed, will, it is hoped, 
 be free from at leaft fome of thefe objections. And 
 although it may not be able to afcertain a {hip's way 
 through the fea to perfect precifion, yet if it fliould 
 be found to anfwer the purpofe better than any 
 inftrument hitherto contrived, it may be admitted 
 as an acquifition to the art of navigation. 
 
 THIS machine, in its moft fimple form, is repre- 
 fented by fig. i. A B is a ftrong rod of iron, 
 moveable on the joint or fulcrum ; C D is a thin 
 circular plate of brafs, rivetted to the lower extre 
 mity of the rod ; E an horizontal arm, conne&ed 
 at one end with the top of the rod A B by a 
 moveable joint F, and at the other end with the 
 S 2 bottom
 
 C 276 ] 
 
 bottom of the index H by a like moveable joint 5 
 G H is the index turning on its centre I, and tra 
 velling over the graduated arch K ; and L is a 
 ftrong fpring, bearing againft the rod A B, and 
 c cjjflantly countera&ing the preflure upon the pa 
 late D. The rod A B fhould be applied clofe to 
 one fide of the cut- water or flem, and mould be of 
 fuch a length that the palate D may be no higher 
 above the keel than is neceflary to fecure it from 
 injury when the veffel fails in fhoal water, or 
 is aground. As the bow of the fhip curves 
 inward toward the keel M s the palate D will be 
 thrown to a diftance from the bottom of the (hip, 
 although the perpendicular rod to which it is ri- 
 vetted lies clofe to the bow above, and therefore 
 it will be more fairly afted upon. The arm E mould 
 enter the bow fomewherc near the hawfer-hole, 
 and lead to any convenient place in the forecaftle, 
 where a fmooth board or plate may be fixed, hav 
 ing the index H,and the graduated arch K, upon it. 
 
 IT is evident from the figure, that as the fhip is 
 urged forward by the wind, the palate D will be 
 prelTed againft the water with a greater or lefs 
 force, according to the progreffive motion of the 
 iliip ; and this will operate upon the levers, fo 
 as to immediately affeft the index ; making the 
 leafl encreafe or diminution of the fliip's way vifible 
 
 on
 
 on .the graduated arch. The fpring L always 
 counteracting the preffure upon the palate, and 
 bringing back the index on any relaxation of the 
 force imprefled. 
 
 A fhip going through the fea opens a paflage 
 for herfelf, making a hole in the water equal to 
 her imerged bulk. As flie pafles on, this vacancy 
 is filled up by the tumbling in of the water from 
 each lide, and at the {tern with great violence; fo 
 that there is a ftrong current of water from her 
 bow to her ftern, paffmg under the bottom and at 
 the fides of the (hip ; and the force of this current 
 is in direct proportion to the velocity of her pro- 
 grefiive motion. This machine is therefore ad- 
 vantageoufly placed at the bow of the fhip, where 
 the current firft begins, and ats fairly on the pa 
 late, in preference to the ftern, where the tumul 
 tuous clofing of the waters caufes a wake vifible to 
 a great diftance. The palate D is funk nearly as 
 low as the keel, that it may not be affefted by the 
 Reaping up of the water, and the dailiing of the 
 waves at or near the water-line. The arch K is 
 to afcertain how many knots or miles flie would run 
 in one hour, at her then rate of failing : but the 
 graduations on this arch muft not be equal ; be- 
 caufe the refiftance of the fpring L will encreafe as 
 it becomes more bent ; fo that the index will tra- 
 S 3 vel
 
 t V* 1 
 
 vcl over a greater fpace, from one to five miles, 
 (which I fuppofe to be a medium) than from five 
 to twelve. Laftly, the palate, rod, fpring, and 
 all the metallic parts of the inftrument mould be 
 covered with a ftrong varniih to prevent ruft from 
 the corrofive quality of fait- water and fea-air. 
 
 IMPROVEMENT OF THIS MACHINE. 
 
 LET the rod or fpear A B, fig. i. be a round 
 rod of iron or fleel ; and inftead of moving on 
 the fulcrum or joint, as at C, let it pafs through 
 and turn freely in a focket, to which focket the 
 moveable joint muft be annexed, as reprcfented 
 in fig. 2. The rod muft have a moulder to reft on 
 the upper edge of the focket and prevent it from 
 flipping down. The rod muft alfo pafs through 
 a like focket at F, fig. i. The joint of the lower 
 focket muft be fixed to the bow of the ftiip, and 
 the upper focket muft be connected with the hori 
 zontal arm E. Gn the top of the uppermoft 
 focket let there be a fmall circular plate, bearing 
 the 32 points of the mariner's compafs, and let the 
 top of the rod AB come through the center of this 
 plate, fo as to carry a fmall index upon it, as re- 
 prefented in fig. 3. This fmall index muft be fix- 
 ed to the top of the rod on a fquare : fo that by 
 
 turning
 
 r 379 j 
 
 turning the index round the plate, the rod may alfo 
 turn in the fockets, and of courfe carry the plate 
 D round with it, the little index always pointing 
 in the dire&ion of the face of the palate. The 
 fmall compafs-plate fliould not be failened to the 
 top of the focket, but only fitted tight on, that it 
 may be moved at pleafure. 
 
 SUPPOSE then, the intended port to bear fouth- 
 weft from the place of departure, the plate mud be 
 turned on the focket till thefouth weft point thereon 
 points dire&ly to the {hip's bow, fo that the S. W. 
 and N.E. line on the compafs-plate maybe precifely 
 parallel with the {hip's keel : and in this pofition 
 the plate muft remain during the voyage. Suppofe 
 then the {hip to be failing in the direct courfe of 
 her intended voyage, with her bow fprit pointing 
 S. W. let the little index be brought to the S. W. 
 point on the compafs-plate, and the palate D will 
 neceffarily prefent its broad face towards the port 
 of deftination : and this it muft always be made 
 to do, be the {hip's failing courfe what it may. 
 If, on account of unfavourable winds, the fhip is 
 obliged to deviate from her intended courfe, the 
 little index muft be moved fo many points from the 
 S. W. line of the compafs-plate, as the compafs in 
 the binnacle {hall mew that {he deviates from her 
 true courfe. So that, in whatever direction the 
 
 {hip
 
 [ 28o ] 
 
 fliip fliall fail, the palate D will always look full 
 to the S. W. point of the horizon, or towards 
 the port of deftination ; and, confequently will 
 prefent only an oblique furface to the refitting me 
 dium more or lefs oblique as the {hip deviates 
 more or lefs from the true courfe of her voyage. 
 As, therefore, the refiftance of the water will ope 
 rate lefs upon the palate in an oblique than in a 
 direft pofition, in proportion to its obliquity, the 
 index H will not fliew how many knots the vefiel 
 runs in her then courfe ; but will (it is expefted) 
 indicate only how many me gains in the direct 
 line of her intended voyage. Thus, in fig. 5. if 
 the {hip's true line of her intended courfe is AB, 
 but flie can fail by the wind no nearer than AC : 
 fuppofe then her progreffive motion fuch as to per 
 form AC, equal to 5 knots, yet on account of 
 the obliquity of the palate D, the index H will on 
 ly point to 4 on the graduated arch, {hewing that 
 ftie gains no more on the true line of her voyage, 
 viz. from A to B. Thus will the difference 
 between her real motion and that" pointed out 
 by the index, be always in proportion to her devia 
 tion from the port of deftination, until flie fails in 
 a line at right angles therewith, as AD; in which 
 cafe the palate would prefent only a thin marp edge 
 to the refifting medium, the preffure of which 
 fliould not be fufficient to overcome the bearing 
 
 of
 
 of the fpring L , and the friction of the machine. 
 So that at whatever rate the fliip may fail upon 
 that line, the index will not be affected, but 
 point to O, (hewing that (he gains nothing on her 
 true courfe. For in this cafe, and alfo when the 
 veflel is not under way, the action of the fpring 
 L fliould caufe the index to point to O ; as re- 
 prefented by the dotted lines in fig. i. and 4. 
 
 ' As the truth of this inftrurncnt mud depend up 
 on the equal preffure of the water againft the pa- 
 lateD according to the (hip's velocity, and the pro 
 portionable action of the fpring L, there fhould be 
 a pin or fcrew at the joints C and F, fo that the 
 rod may be readily unfliipped and taken in, in order 
 to clean the palate from any foulnefs it may con 
 tract, which would greatly encreafe its operation 
 on the'Jndex H, and thereby render the graduated 
 arch falfe or uncertain, 
 
 FURTHER, the fpring L may be expofed too 
 much to injury from the \reather and falt-water 
 if fixed on the outfide of the {hip's bow. To re 
 medy this, it may be brought under cover by 
 conftructing the machine as reprefented by fig. 4 : 
 where AB is the rod, C the fulcrum or centre 
 of its motion, D the palate, E the horizontal arm 
 leading through a fmall hole into .the forecaftle, M 
 
 is
 
 t 
 
 is a ttrong chain, fattened by one cad to the 
 arm E, and by the other to a rim or barrel on the 
 wheel G, which by means of its teeth gives mo 
 tion to the femicircle I and index H. The fpring 
 L is fpiral, and enclofed in a box like the main 
 fpring of a watch : A fmall chain is fixed to, and 
 paffing round the barrel, is fattened by the other 
 end to the fuzee W ; this fuzee is connected by 
 its teeth with the wheel G, and counteracts the 
 motion of the palate D ; NN are the two fockets 
 through which the rod AB paffes, and in which 
 it may be turned round by means of the little in 
 dex R ; S is the fmall compafs-plate moveable on 
 the top of the upper focket N. The plate S hath 
 an upright rim round its edge, cut into teeth or 
 notches, fo that when the index R is a little raifed 
 up, in order to bring it round to any point, it may 
 fall into one of thefe notches and be detained 
 there : otherwife the preffure of the water will 
 force the palate D from its oblique pofition, and 
 turn the rod and index round to the direction in 
 which the fhip {hall be then failing. 
 
 SHOULD it be apprehended that the palate D 
 being placed fo far forward, may affect the iliip's 
 fteerage, or obttrufther failing, itlhould be confi- 
 dered that a very fmall plate will be fufficient to 
 work the machine. I fhould fuppofe that one of 
 
 three
 
 three or four inches diameter, or lefs, might be fuf- 
 ficient for the purpofe. 
 
 THE greateft difficulty, perhaps, will be in gra 
 duating the arch K (if the machine is conftrufted 
 as in fig i.) the unequal divifions of which can 
 only be afcertained by aftual experiment on board 
 of each (hip refpeftively ; in as much as the truth 
 of thefe graduations will depend on three circum- 
 flances, viz. The pofition of the fulcrum C, with 
 refpecl: to the length of the rod, the fize of the 
 palate D, and the ftrength of the fpring L. When 
 thefe graduations, however, are once afcertain 
 ed for any one veffel, they will not require any 
 future alteration, provided the palate D be kept 
 clean, and the fpring L retains its elafticity. 
 
 BUT the unequal divifions of the graduated 
 arch will be unneceiTary if the inflrument be made 
 as at fig. 4. For as the chain goes round the bar 
 rel L, and then winds through the fpiral channel of 
 the fuzee W, the force of the enclofed fpring will 
 operate equally, or nearly fo, in all pofitions of the 
 index, and confequently the divifions on the arch 
 K may in fuch cafe be equal. 
 
 AFTER all, it is not expe&ed that a fhip's lon 
 gitude may be certainly determined by this in- 
 
 ftrnment.
 
 ftrument. The irregular motions and irapulfes to 
 which a {hip is continually expofed, make fuch an 
 accuracy unattainable by any machinery ; but if it 
 fliould be found, as I flatter myfelf it will, on fair 
 experiment, that it anfwers the purpofe much bet 
 ter than the common log, it may be confidered as 
 an acquifition to navigation. 
 
 IT ihoujd be obferved that in afcertaining 
 a fhip's longitude by a time piece, this great 
 inconvenience occurs, that a final! and trifling mi- 
 flake in the time will make a very great and dan 
 gerous error in the diilance, run, or longitude ; 
 whereas the errors of this inftrument will operate 
 no further than their real amount, which can never 
 be great or dangerous, if corre&ed by the ufual 
 obfervations made by mariners for corre&ing the 
 common log.* 
 
 Alike 
 
 * An ingenious mechanic would probably conftrucl this machine 
 to better advantage in many refpecls. The author only meant to 
 fugged the principle, experiment alone can point out the beft me 
 thod of applying it. He is fenfible of at leaft one defect, viz. that 
 the little index R, tig. 4. will not be ftrong enough to retain the 
 palate D in an oblique pofition when a fhip is failing by the wind ; 
 more efpecially as the compafs-plate S, in whofe notched rim the 
 index Ris to fall, is not fixed to, but only fitted tight on the focket 
 N; fome means, however, might be contrived to remedy this in 
 convenience.
 
 Alike machine made in its fimple form, (as at 
 fig. i.) fo conftrufted as to fliip and unfhip, might 
 occafionally be applied along fide, about mid-fliips, 
 in order to afcertain the lee- way. As to fea cur 
 rents, this, and all other machines hitherto inven 
 ted, rnufl be fubjeft to their influence: for thefe the 
 ufual allowances mufti be made, according to 
 the ikill of the navigator. 
 
 LASTLY. Some difcretion will be neceiTary in 
 taking obfervations from the inflrument to be en 
 tered on the log-book. The mofl favourable and 
 equitable moment fliould be chofen for the obfer- 
 vation. Not whilft the fhip is rapidly defcending 
 the declivity of a wave, or is fuddenly checked by 
 a ftroke of the fea, or is in the very aft of plun 
 ging. In all cafes, I fuppofe, periods may be 
 found, in which a (hip proceeds with a true average 
 velocity ; to difcover which, experience and at 
 tention will lead the Ikilful mariner. 
 
 O&ober. 1782. 
 
 AN
 
 [ 286 
 
 A N 
 
 IMPROVED METHOD 
 
 o F 
 
 QJJ ILLING A HARPSICHORD. 
 
 1 HE firings of a Harpfichord are made to 
 vibrate by the impulfe of fmall pieces of a crow- 
 quill : thefe, from the manner in which they 
 are applied, are compelled to perform their office 
 to fuch difadvantage that many become weak and 
 fail, with little ufe, and what is called the touch of 
 the inftrumcnt, becomes thereby unequal and dif- 
 agreeable both to the performer and hearer ; 
 unlefs frequently repaired, which is one of the 
 mod troublefome and difficult operations in keep 
 ing the inftrument in order. 
 
 I attempted, two or three years ago, to re 
 medy this imperfection. My firft idea was to 
 encreafe the length of quill, that it might 
 aft more like a fpring than it can do in the way 
 
 it
 
 r 
 
 it is now applied. I efFefted my purpofe, by mount 
 ing the quill in the manner reprefented by fig. i. 
 By this means the fpring of the quill was advan- 
 tageoufly encreafed without its horizontal length, 
 which from the conftruction of the inftrument can- 
 no tbe more than about i -4 th of a inch. ABfig. i. is 
 the tongue of the jack in profile, C is the quill fixed 
 tight in a hole punched fl anting down wards through 
 the tongue according to the dotted line. The quill is 
 then bent upwards and made to pafs through an 
 other hole D, punched through the upper pait of 
 the tongue, and then proceeds horizontally the ne- 
 ceffary length. This lafl hole is made large e- 
 nough for the quill to have free play in it, fo that: 
 the fpring of the quill may be in the curve CD ; 
 which will not break or fail by any fervice it has 
 to perform. 
 
 4 
 
 THIS contrivance feemed to anfwer very well ; 
 but it was objected, that the quill being thus forci 
 bly bent, was apt to fpring back, in fome instances, 
 fo that not only the point of the quill became too 
 fliort to reach the firing it fhouldflrike, but the cur 
 ved part would interfere with the firing next behind 
 it. And although, in the experiment, this inconve 
 nience rarely occured, and w r as rather a fault in 
 4 the
 
 [ 288 ] 
 
 the execution than in the defign, yet the pro] eft 
 was not adopted becaufe of the uncertainty. 
 
 MY next device was to throw afide the quills 
 altogether; and taking hard and well feafoned 
 foal leather, I cut therefrom the intended tongues *, 
 which I mounted on fprings as in fig. 2. Where 
 A is the palate feen in profile, having a mortoife cut 
 through it for the reception of the leathern tongue 
 B, which is moveable in the mortoife on a fmall 
 pin; C is aback view of the fame palate, (howing 
 the zig-zag fpring by which the tongue is govern- 
 ned. The fpring is of fine wire, and is fattened by 
 one end to the root of the tongue, as at D, and by 
 the other to a fmall flaple at E. 
 
 THIS contrivance produced in efFeft an admi 
 rable fulnefs of tone, and promifed permanency, 
 becaufe the elafticity required is not in the tongue 
 which gives the ftroke, but in the wire fpring, 
 which, if properly annealed will not be likely to 
 fail. 
 
 THE objection was, that the touch was not fo 
 lively and agreeable as that of the common quill 5 
 
 but 
 
 * What is commonly called the tongue, I fhall now call the 
 palate, and my fubftitute for the crow-quill I (lull denominate the 
 tongue.
 
 C 289 ] 
 
 but principally that the machinery was too complex 
 and delicate for general ufe. 
 
 BOTH thcfe methods are fully defcribed in the 
 fecond volume of the tranfa&ions of the American 
 philofophical fociety of Philadelphia. 
 
 ENCOURAGED by at lead a partial fuccefs, I 
 again endeavoured to attain the objeft I had 
 in view, and flatter inyfelf that I have now fully 
 fucceeded. 
 
 THE defideratum is, a fubftance to fupply the 
 place of the crow-quill, fufficiently elaftic for the 
 purpofe, which fhall afford an eafy and brilliant 
 touch, mall draw a full and pure torte from the 
 firing, be applied with as much fimplicity as the 
 common quill, and be permanent in itfelf. 
 
 AFTER fair experiment and long trial, the fol 
 lowing method oftongueing a harpfichord hath been 
 found to anfwer all the above requifites. 
 
 I took what is called velvet-corky of the befl 
 kind, free from dolts, cracks or blemifhes. I cut 
 this cork into plates, about one quarter of an inch 
 thick, and glued upon them thin and well polifhed 
 leather ; from thefe plates I cut the tongues, and 
 T preffcd
 
 prcffed them tight into mortoifcs cut for the purpofc 
 through the palates, in the fame manner, and with 
 the fame cafe that the common quill is fixed in the 
 little hole punched for its reception. The cork mufl 
 then be fhaved off underneath, flanting from the 
 point, where it mufl: be very thin, to the face of 
 the palate, and then nibbed like a pen to the pro 
 per length. The touch may afterwards be nicely 
 regulated by (having away more of the cork from 
 underneath, if requifite, with a fliarp pen-knife or a 
 fine file. 
 
 REMARKS. 
 
 I. THE cork (as before obferved) mufl be of 
 the kind called velvet-cork, of an elaflic fubilance, 
 and free from imperfections of every kind. 
 
 II. THE Leather fliould be thin, well ftretched, 
 and of a poliihed furface That which I ufed was 
 (tripped from the cover of a bound book, which 
 anfwered very well, after I had fcraped and well 
 waflied its under furface. 
 
 III. 1 HE pqfte or glue. In my firft experiment 
 I made common glue pretty thin, and with this I 
 glued the leather on the cork ; but found after 
 wards, that in very dry and frofly weather, the 
 
 touch
 
 r 291 3 
 
 touch became harfli and difagrecable, becaufe 
 glue in fuch weather becomes as hard as horn. I 
 then diflblved a little Ifmglafs, or fifli glue, in hot 
 water, and with the addition of fome flour I made 
 a moderately thin pafte ; and with this I parted the 
 leather upon the cork, putting the plates under a 
 prefs till dry : and I found it to anfwer well. 
 
 IV. IN cutting the tongues from thefe plates of 
 cork faced with leather, care muft be taken that 
 the grain of the cork fhall run lengthwife from 
 end to end, and not a crofs the tongue. The rea- 
 fon is plain. 
 
 I have found thefe tongues to anfwer every requi- 
 fite. The cork is fufficiently elaftic for the fervice 
 it is to perform, and affords a lively and pleafanc 
 touch. The poliihed leather prcfents a mod agree 
 able furface of contact with the metal ftring, and 
 ftiields the cork, which would be foon cut through 
 by the firing. The tone produced is full, and ve 
 ry pure, being perfectly free from that clicking 
 noife which the ftrokes of a quill unavoidably 
 produce, and which has been juftly complained 
 of in the bed harpfichords. And laftly, the 
 tongue thus made will be durable, I may judge if 
 from the experience of eighteen months and al- 
 Biofl daily ufe, very few having failed in that 
 T 2 time
 
 time, and thofe only where there was fome impcr- 
 feftion in the cork, or the grain lay acrofs the 
 tongue. But when this happens, nothing is eafier 
 than to cut and iliape a new tongue from the plate 
 of cork and leather, which may be fitted to the 
 mortoife and adjufted irl as little time as a common 
 quill, and with as little trouble. Harpfichords, 
 quilled in the ufual way, may be furnifhed in the 
 manner now recommended, by difmounting the pa 
 lates and cutting mortoifes of a proper fize ; the 
 little hole in which the quill had been fixed ferving 
 for the upper limit of the mortoife in which the 
 cork tongue is to be fitted. 
 
 1787. 
 
 D E S C R I P-
 
 r 293 i 
 
 DESCRIPTION 
 
 O F A 
 
 CANDLE-CASE. 
 
 J- HE defigii of this machine is to fcrecn the 
 flame of a candle from being flaired by the wind 
 in fummer, or drawn by the current of air to 
 wards the chimney in winter. 
 
 THE flame of a candle is at all times much agi 
 tated by the air. Every perfon muft have ob- 
 ferved, in reading or writing by candle light, that 
 the light will fometimes acquire a rapid, vibratory 
 motion, which occafions the letters on the book or 
 paper to appear and difappear in quick fucceffion. 
 This twinkling is fo painful to the eye, that the 
 perfon is frequently obliged to look from the book 
 or paper for a moment, or to ftroke his eyes with 
 his hand. The fenfation is very difagreeable ; and 
 no wonder, when it is confidered, that the iris of 
 the eye contrafts and dilates in correfpondence 
 with every motion of the flame. 
 
 T 3 THE
 
 294 ] 
 
 THE machine I have contrived will mield the 
 flame from the undulations of the air, and caufe 
 it to burn with a fteady and uniform light. Fig. i. 
 reprefents this machine fattened by fcrews to a 
 common candlcftick. A, the candleftick ; BB, 
 two femicircular plates of brafs which embrace 
 the top of the candleftick ; thefe are furnifhed 
 with cheeks on each fide, which are drawn clofe 
 together by means of the fcrews,C C ; and thereby 
 the machine is firmly fixed to the candleftick, and 
 may be removed at pleafure by taking out the 
 fcrews. (See the femicircular plates reprefented 
 feparate at fig. 2.) One of thefe plates has an 
 arm, D, connected with a crotchet E E. In the 
 two ends of this crotchet there are fquare holes, 
 for the reception of the long fquare wire F. 
 This fquare wire flips eafily up and down through 
 the fquare holes ; and that it may ftand fupported 
 in all pofitions, and flide with an uniform fri&ion, 
 there is a fmall piece of watch-fpring, G, rivetted 
 to the middle of the crotchet, and preffing with its 
 two ends againft the fquare wire. H is an arm 
 fixed to the long wire, bearing a fmall ring, I ; 
 this ring is a little larger than a common candle, 
 and its ufe is to keep the candle upright, and pre 
 vent its falling againft the glafs, hereafter men 
 tioned, if it fhould be too loofe in the focket, or 
 not fet perpendicular in the candleftick. K is ano 
 ther
 
 r 295 i 
 
 ther arm fixed on the top of the long wire, and 
 carrying another ring, L, larger than the one 
 jufl mentioned. This ring is for the reception and 
 Support of the glafs, M, which furrounds the 
 flame of the candle, and caufes it to burn with a 
 ileady light. The glafs, M, is one of thofe ufed 
 for the new patent lamps : it is a tube, open at both 
 ends, of 2^ inches diameter, and abouc 4 inches 
 long, and has a rim round the top, by which it 
 hangs on the ring, L. As the candle waftes, the 
 glafs muft be flipped down by means of the knob, 
 N j or if it fhould require to be fnuffed, the gJafs 
 may be raifed or lowered fo as to expofe the wick 
 for the purpofe. Fig. 3 reprefents the machine 
 detached from the candleilick, and without the 
 glafs. The fame letters of reference are put to the 
 correfponding parts with fig. i. 
 
 OBSERVATION. 
 
 THIS contrivance fully anfwered the purpofe 
 intended, of keeping the flame fteady and the light 
 uniform ; but an inconvenience occurred which 
 was not expected. It occafioned the candle to 
 gutter ; that is, the melted wax or tallow would 
 colleft in an undue quantity round the bottom of 
 the wick, and run down the fides of the candle. 
 This was not owing to the heat of the glafs, as I 
 
 at
 
 r 
 
 at firfl imagined ; for a ftrong current of air occa- 
 fioned by the flame, kept the glafs fo cool, that 
 pieces of wax or tallpw would adhere to it 
 without melting, and the glafs might be handled 
 without inconvenience. I know not the reafon of 
 this, unlefs it be, that the inner circular furface of 
 the glafs concenters the heat to a. focus in that 
 place by reflection, or that the current of air bears 
 up the flame, fo that it does not confume the 
 wax as fad as it melted. It was obfervable that 
 the flame was confiderably elongated, and that it 
 did not follow the wafle of the wax as clofe as 
 common, but left an unufual portion of wick be 
 tween it and the melted wax. 
 
 A FULL

 
 L 297 j 
 
 FULL AND TRUE ACCOUNT 
 
 OF A 
 
 TERRIBLE UPROAR 
 
 WHICH LATELY HAPPENED IN A VERY 
 
 EMINENT F A M. I L Y. 
 
 AT is not long fmce the lady Pcnnfyfoa, a pcrfon 
 of high diftinftion, and much efleemed for her wif- 
 dom, wealth, and importance, was, to the furprifc 
 of every one, delivered of fine boy. She was 
 dotingly fond of this infant ; and the mcwre fo as the 
 tongue of flander had endeavoured to cafl infamy 
 on her and the child, by plainly calling her a whore 
 and the boy a baftard. But it was well known 
 to her intimate acquaintance that Ihe had been pri 
 vately married to Patriotifm, a very worthy and 
 honourable gentleman, who was indeed the father 
 of the child. But Patriotifm unfortunately died 
 foon after the lady Pennfylva was brought-to-bed. 
 
 THE
 
 C 
 
 THE untimely death of the father greatly en 
 deared the fon to the difconfolate widow ; and 
 more efpecially, as the boy bore a finking likenefs 
 of her loft hufband. 
 
 SHE called him Independence ; (he nurfed him 
 with care and attention, and endeavoured to pro 
 cure fuch fervants in her family as would feed and 
 tend him, rather from motives of real affection 
 than from mercenary views. But fuch difmterefted 
 perfons were not eafily found. Jealoufies had al 
 ready taken place. Some envied others for their 
 flations and wages, and hatred and contempt in 
 fected the family, till at laft the jarring views and 
 interefls of the fervants broke out into an open 
 rupture The cafe was this 
 
 THE lady Pennfyfaa had hired a wct-nurfe for 
 her child her name was Rced'ma and no one 
 doubted but that lhe had a fmcere affection for 
 the baby. Neverthelefs, ihe had but an uneafy 
 time of it. Having not the bed temper in the 
 world, {he not only had many quarrels of her own 
 upon hand, but ihe took part alfo in thofe of the 
 other fervants ; in which fhe did not exercife upon 
 all occafions an impartiality becoming the ftation 
 ihe filled in the family. In fliort, (he fuffered her- 
 felf to be influenced by thofe who were not her 
 
 equals
 
 [ 2 99 
 
 equals in abilities ; and who made ufe of her 
 power and influence to gratify their own ambitious 
 views. 
 
 IN due courfe of time, Reedina's milk dried a- 
 way,* and it became necefTary to get another nurfe 
 for the infant. 
 
 RE$DINA> though ncceffarily removed from her 
 ftation, was not willing to refign her fway in the 
 family ; but wifhing to have it dill in her power to 
 fliew favour to thofe whofe party {he had efpoufed, 
 and to punifli thofe who had been too free in their 
 itri&ures on her conduct, flie found out one ma 
 dam Pottering and ftrongly recommended her as a 
 fit perfon to fupply her place. 
 
 MADAM Potterini was a very good fort of wo 
 man, and truly attached to young Independence ; 
 but then flic was altogether unflcilful in the affairs 
 of a nurfery. She knew not how to drefs the ba 
 by with propriety ; and in cafe of teething, lax, 
 belly-ach, or other diforders incident to the tender 
 (late of infancy, (lie was ignorant of the treatment 
 proper on fuch occafions ; having never had the 
 opportunity of acquiring that kind of knowledge. 
 
 Ree- 
 
 * By the conftitution of Pennfylvania, a new prefidcnt muft be 
 elected every three years.
 
 r 300 i 
 
 ) ncvcrthelefs, recommended her in the 
 ftrongeft terms as a fuitable nurfe for the child, 
 and got all thofe fervants who were in her intereft 
 to join in the recommendation j not that ilie thought 
 madam Potterini equal to the tak, for (he well 
 knew to the contrary : but expefted that Potteri 
 ni' s ignorance in the bufmefs of a nurfery would 
 render her dependent upon her for advice in all 
 things, fo that fhc in faft might govern the family 
 as heretofore, although out of place. 
 
 THOSE who hated Reedina, faw through this 
 defign, and oppofed a Mrs. Richardfon to madam 
 Potterini, as a perfon better qualified to do honour 
 to the ftation. 
 
 No fooner was this rivalfhip known, but Reedina's 
 party became outrageous every thing that calum 
 ny could invent, or malice infmuate, was poured 
 forth againft Mrs. Richardfon, and high panegyrics 
 wrought up in favour, of madam Potterini. Thefe 
 were all anfwered with equal malignity by the 
 partizans of the other fide againft Reedina and her 
 adherents. Nothing but railing and reviling was 
 heard in the houfe abufe was anfwered by abufe, 
 and flander ballanced by ilander. 
 
 AT length the good lady Pennfyfoa, hoping to 
 
 pur
 
 r 
 
 put an end to thefe difgraceful altercations, made 
 her ele&ion, and committed the care of her fon, 
 and the fuperintendency of her family to Mrs. 
 Rkhardfon. But this determination had not the 
 defired effeft : fcolding, lying, and abufe were car 
 ried to greater heights than ever ; the fervants 
 were all formed into parties, and the peace of 
 the family was entirely broken up. 
 
 Now the principal parti zans had arranged them- 
 felves in the following order : 
 
 ON one fide, was Mrs. Richardfon,ihc wet nurfe: 
 to her adhered Kitty Ofivald, one of the chamber 
 maids; mifs Jackfon, the feemftrefs ; Peggy Rufo, 
 the cook ; her brother Jacob, the clerk ; Tom 
 Falhn, the fcullion, with many others. 
 
 ON the fide of the malecontents, appeared Res- 
 dina, the late nurfe ; Thomas, the chief Reward ; 
 George, the under fteward; Fanny Belly, the fecond 
 chamber-maid ; cock-eyed Moll and Doll Froiv- 
 fey, her underftrappen ; together with Jonathan, 
 the late coachman; Wilkins,thc footman ; Henry, 
 the lick-fpit, and feveral more. 
 
 THESE perfons, however, oppofed to each 
 other, equally profefled a warm attachment to
 
 r 302 j 
 
 young Independence, and to the interefts of the fa 
 mily ; but neither fide would allow that the other 
 had any fmcerity in thefe profelfions. They mu 
 tually charged each other with difaffe&ion, and 
 terms of obloquy and reproach were dealt about 
 without the leaft regard to common decency. 
 
 THEIR difputes and animofities were at 
 length wrought up to fuch a pitch of rancour and 
 inveteracy as to break out in a&ual warfare: 
 but all things in order Before a poor mortal un 
 dertakes a talk fo arduous, he mould, out of decen 
 cy and in compliance to ancient cuftom, invoke 
 fupernatural help : and, if he fhouldhave creduli 
 ty enough to believe that afliftance hath been grant 
 ed, and even fancy that he feels himfelf infpircd, 
 there is no doubt but he will perform his talk with 
 a vigour and fpirit proportionable to the ftrength 
 of his faith. 
 
 COME then, thou heavenly mufe ! who haft af- 
 fifted in defcribing the bloody frays of wrangling 
 mortals, from the famous fiege of Troy in ancient 
 times, to the more famous fiege of York-town in 
 Virginia, of recent date ! Or, if there fliould- be 
 two of your divinitymips, one more Ikilled in 
 the mortal comefts of the field, and the other bet 
 ter verfed in private broils and warfare of the fifl 
 
 and
 
 L 
 
 and tongue even thou, who heretofore didft 
 guide the pen of Butler, when he fang the frays of 
 Hudibras, with rabble rout thou, who didft thy 
 aid afford when Fielding, in exalted profe, defcrib- 
 ed the valorous feats of Molly Seagrim, in the 
 field of death, or Mrs. Partridge, in domeftic 
 ftrife refufe me not thy help ! but teach me how 
 to fcold ! Alas ! my invocation is in vain the 
 goddefs hears me not I muft therefore try what 
 mere mortal ftrength can do ; and with no other 
 help or infpiration, but what Kitty Ofwald and 
 Fanny Belly can afford, mud venture to proceed. 
 
 IT was on a Friday morning a day of the week 
 branded with ill fortune from the earlieft times ; 
 the lady Pennfylva had gone abroad on fome occa- 
 fion or other. Kitty and Fanny, the two chamber 
 maids, were about their ordinary occupation, when 
 Kitty's brufli, in fweeping the room, happened to 
 ftrike againft Fannys heel, as {he was making up 
 the bed : whereupon the following dialogue en- 
 fued. 
 
 " I think, mifs Kitty ^ it would be well for you 
 " to learn to handle a brufli before you pretend to 
 " the bufmefs of a chamber-inaid in a gentlcwo- 
 " man's family : and I think it very hard that peo- 
 " pie, who have ferved as I have done, fliould be 
 A " in-
 
 C 34 I 
 
 u infulted by every upftart hufTey that comes into 
 " the houfe." 
 
 " UPSTART! (exclaimed Kitty with fome heat) 
 " and pray who are you ? you fix -penny retailer of 
 " fcandal and lies. You were in high luck, to be 
 *' fure, when George, the under-fteward, and Jona- 
 " than, the coachman, fent for you out of the 
 * e country to do their dirty work.* I think nurfe 
 " Reedina had little to do when flie fuffered fuch a 
 " mifchievous baggage to come into a decent fa- 
 " mily ; I know of no good you and your under- 
 " flrappers, cock-eyed Moll and Doll Frowfey, have 
 " done, unlefs fetting the fervants together by the 
 " ears, and difturbing the peace of the whole fa- 
 " mily, may be called doing good." 
 
 " GET out, you b ch !" replied Fanny 
 
 BUT, gentle reader, to avoid trouble to myfelf, 
 and not to offend nice ears, I propofe to omit the 
 flowers of fcurrillity which bloomed on this occa- 
 
 fion; 
 
 * F B , a pr'mier at Lancafter, was fent for to the city, 
 
 to ferve the purpofes of a party, and fet up a newfpaper fill'd with 
 
 perfonal fcandal and abufe. After fome time, E O fet up 
 
 a .like paper in oppoiition,, and foon out-did B in his own way. 
 
 Between the two, calumny an.l (lander were carried to greater ex- 
 *ait that was ever known, perhaps, in a civilized city.
 
 r 305 i 
 
 fion ; yet for the benefit of thofe who wilh to have 
 this dialogue feafoned according to the tafte of the 
 times, I ihall direcl this narrative, in the future 
 editions thereof, to be printed with blanks in the 
 proper places, which the reader may fill up accord 
 ing to his fancy out of Tom Brown, Ned Ward, or 
 the more modern eloquence of the FREEMAN'S 
 JOURNAL, and INDEPENDENT GAZETTEER. 
 
 " GET out, you b ch ! (replied Fanny) 
 " you had betternot mention nurkReedina,George, 
 " the fleward, and Jonathan, the coachman : > 
 pray who are Jenny Richardfon, Pegg Rufh, 
 " and all the gang of you ? Did not nurfe Ri- 
 tc chardfon call young mafter a baftard before he 
 " was born? Yes, you jade and after he was 
 " born, {he would have feen him ftarve before (lie 
 * c would have given him a pannykin of pap j and 
 " jeijhe mud be fet up, to be fure,over the heads of 
 " better people than and herfelf : as for Peggy, the 
 '* cook, fhe had better by half attend to her bufi- 
 " nefs, and not employ her time in fomenting quar* 
 ct rels in the houfe, and fetting miftrefs againft her 
 44 beft fervants: for it is well known, that Pegg told 
 * c my lady, that all thofe who aflifted at her lying- 
 " in, were rabfcallions and tatterdemallions :* and 
 " fo, mifs Kitty, before you fet about abufing 
 U other 
 
 * This alludes to particular publication.
 
 C 306 1 
 
 " other people, pleafe to look at home at your 
 " own troop of trumpery." 
 
 " SINCE you come to that, madam Trollop, (an- 
 " fwered Kitty,} I can foon be even with you. 
 " Did not George, the fteward, and Jonathan, the. 
 " coachman, your great patrons and friends, cabal 
 " and rail againft general Worthy, our mailer Pa' 
 " triotifm's chief friend, and now his executor ? 
 " and did not he fay he ought to be turned out of 
 " the houfe ? for which Jonathan got a good 
 " flogging with his own horfe-whip ! and, more- 
 " over, did not nurfe Reedina treat with a villain 
 " about poifoning young mafler foon after he was 
 " born? yes, flic did and Peggy Rufh knows, or 
 " at lead fays flic knows, that Reedina would 
 " ftrangle him this moment if fhe could." 
 
 THERE is fuch an intimate fympathy between 
 the tongue and the hands, that when the former is 
 in fuil exercife, the latter cannot long remain inac 
 tive : for words like trumpets are but preludes to 
 battle. Fanny replied only by fpitting full in Kit' 
 /y's face : and fo to fifty-cuffs they went without 
 further ceremony, and with as keen an appetite as 
 ever Dr. ***** fat down to a turtle fcaft. 
 
 As a dog, which hath not only a natural hatred, 
 
 but
 
 C 307 1 
 
 bur a contempt for the cat, (who, though the 
 weaker animal, excels in cunning and malice,) 
 fliould pufs prefume to lift her paw againft him, fei- 
 zes and (hakes her until his mouth is filled with hair, 
 the fpoils of the enemy : juft fo the enraged Kitty fell 
 furioufly upon poor mifs Belly, and tore from her 
 head, not only her gauze cap, but a handful of 
 thofe ornaments, in which, like Sampfon's,her chief 
 flrength lay: for Fanny was proud of her locks, as 
 they were very pliable, and would fet any way her 
 admirers chofe they fliould: Ihe, however, like gri 
 malkin aforefaid, flew upon her adverfary, and in 
 a moment imprinted eight lines of vengeance on 
 Kitty's cheeks, which lamented the injury in tears 
 of blood. 
 
 SOME authors have inadvertently mentioned ten 
 marks of retaliation t but it fliould be obferved 
 that the thumbs feldom do execution on thefe occa- 
 fions. Be it as it may, this is certainly a very an 
 cient method of wiping off oldfcores by making 
 new ones. 
 
 THE noife of this battle foon brought the family 
 together. Kitty being Fanny's fuperior in ftrength, 
 and finding her ftrength encreafed by pain and 
 rage, grafped her antagonift round the waift, lifted 
 her from the floor, and in the prefence of the whole 
 U 2 houf-
 
 C 308 I 
 
 houfhold, turned, up her coats, and fpanked her 
 right foundly with the duft-pan. Cock-eyed Molt 
 and Doll Frowfey feeing their principal thus expof- 
 ed, and in the hands of the enemy, foufed the con- 
 terns of two chamber-pots in Kitty's face. 
 
 THE company immediately arranged themfelves 
 according to their refpeftive parties, and the battle 
 became general. PeggV, the cook, emptied a hot 
 dripping-pan on Rcedina's head, whilft Jacob, the 
 clerk, fpattered her with a bottle of ink ; Felon, 
 the fcullion, threw a quart of flufli on Gwrge, the 
 fteward's old fcarlet cloak ; but George avoided 
 fighting openly, and only flily pinched his adverfa- 
 ries as opportunities offered ; Rccdina attacked 
 nurfe Rtchardfon with a carving knife, with which 
 {he not only ilafhed her cloaths, but gave fome ug 
 ly wounds in the flefli : whilft Mrs. Richardfan en 
 deavoured to defend herfelf with a pillow fnatched 
 from the cradle. All was uproar and confuilon, 
 and in the tumult, the cradle was overfet, and little 
 Independence lay fprawling and bawling upon the 
 floor, unnoticed and unpitied by the furious com 
 batants. 
 
 IN the midft of the ftorm, up rofe Thmas s the 
 chief fie ward, and with great folemnity commanded 
 filence in the name of the lady Pennfyha* Hofti- 
 
 lities
 
 J 
 
 Jitics being fufpended, he called upon Kitty, and 
 feverely reprimanded her as being the author, or 
 at leaft the encourager, of all this animofity : he 
 reproached her as a virago, a common fcold, and 
 threatened to have her well ducked and turned out 
 of doors : he emphatically rebuked her for abufing 
 poor Fanny, the chamber-maid, and fwore that flic 
 ihould anfwer for her conduit to her miflrefs. 
 
 Kfrrr, who had fpunk enough, could not bear 
 this : " Yes, Mr. Thomas, (faid flie,) you may 
 " well fland up for poor Fanny the chamber-maid r , 
 " as you call her, and good reafon why, truly, 
 " for all the houfe knows flie is your whore. 
 *' How long is it, pray, fmce flie brought forth .a 
 " bailard in the fliape of a law-book ?* Its features 
 ** are too like its precious father to be miftaken : 
 " you are a fit perfon, truly, to preach up order 
 " and decency you, who have fecretly encouraged 
 " your trollop in ail her provoking infolence, and 
 " fcandalouslies. Fanny may fay what flie pleafes 
 " it is all proper it is all right flie is a girl of fpirit, 
 " and will make people know their places : but, if 
 " I open ray mouth, k is all calumny, flander, and 
 " breach of the peace and what not. As to 
 *' your threats, I fcorn them ; nature gave me a 
 U 3 " tongue, 
 
 * The new edition of the laws of Peanfylvania.
 
 < 
 
 [ 3" 3 
 
 tongue, and I will make ufc of it in fpite of you 
 or your pitiful whore You filence me ! you 
 duck me, and turn me out of doors ! I hope 
 we are not come to that pafs yet, that no one it 
 to be allowed freedom of fpeech in this family, 
 without your gracious licence : but I will afk 
 my lady when me comes home, whether or no, 
 *' flie has thought proper to put the keys of our 
 " mouths into your pocket. I know you think 
 ' yourfelf a very great man, Mr. Thomas -and 
 '* you are a very great man, Mr. Thomas, to be 
 " furc ; but for all that, I hope poor fervants may 
 " perform the functions of nature without waiting 
 ic for your permiffion and fo for the future, Mr. 
 
 " Thomas" Her tongue was running on at 
 
 this rate, like the din of a brafs candleftick tumb 
 ling down flairs, when a thundering rap at the 
 door announced the arrival of lady Pennfylva: hav 
 ing heard of the terrible uproar in her family, from 
 fome of the neighbours, fhe had hurried home, 
 and was no fooner admitted into the houfe, but flie 
 ruflied to the fcene of action. 
 
 THE firft object that drew her attention, was 
 the poor infant kicking and fcreaming under the 
 cradle, which had been turned topfey^turvey over 
 him. She took him up from the floor, and footh- 
 cd him in fcer bofom with maternal tendernefs ; 
 
 fhe
 
 [ 3" J 
 
 fhe then took a furvcy of the belligerent powers, 
 as they flood before her, reeking hot with the fury 
 of battle, and exclaimed with horror : " Heaven 
 ."preferve me! what do I fee? can thefe be the 
 ? c fervants of my houfe ? can thcfe be the chofen 
 " few in whom I have placed fo much confidence, 
 " and to whofe nurture and care I have entrufled 
 " my darling child ? the hope of my family ? 
 " Go, miferable wretches ; go, and cleanfe your- 
 " felves from filth, and repair your difordered 
 *' drefs j for I will not hold converfe with you 
 " in your prefent tattered and befpattered conditi- 
 " on : and fee that you all meet me an hour hence 
 " in the great hall : but firft, Rcedina, give up 
 *' that carving knife j would you make a flaugh- 
 " ter-houfe of my apartments ? oh, fliame ! 
 " ftiame !" Saying this, fhe hurried away to .her 
 chamber, oppreffed with grief: and the comba 
 tants filently floie off, fome one way, fomc another, 
 to prepare as well as they could, for the meeting 
 in the great hall, 
 
 AT the appointed tune, the lady Pennfyha re 
 paired to the hall, and feating herfelf in an armed 
 chair, with her little fon in her lap, fhe rang the 
 bell; a fummons which foon brought all the houfe- 
 Jaold into her prefence. After a few moments of 
 
 ferious
 
 C 31* 3 
 
 ferious and cxpreflive filence, Hie thus addreffe# 
 them. 
 
 ce WHERE is now that heroic ardour which 
 " once animated my friends in the defence of my 
 " righteous caufe, againft a cruel and powerful 
 " foe? Where is now that difmterefted zeal that 
 " divine enthufiafm, which once determined you 
 " to brave every extremity, in fupport of me and 
 " my infant fon, when a cloud, black with ven- 
 " geance, hung heavy over the fortunes of my 
 " houfe? Where is now that virtuous magnanimity, 
 " which, like a tower of ftrength, flood firm a- 
 " gainft the moft fevere attacks ? But, why do I 
 " afk where ? alas ! I know too well, that they all 
 <c lie buried in thefacred tomb of my departed lord. 
 
 " Yotf, for your abilities and fuppofed attach- 
 * e ment to me and mine, have been fele&cd to be the 
 * e fpecial guardians of my honour and interefts; but 
 " you have moft ungratefully exercifed thofe abili- 
 <e ties in fowing difcord in my family,and diftrafting 
 <c my affairs. When you thus attack each otherwith 
 ke all the rancour and malice of mutual enemies, 
 *' you weaken my ftrength, and forward the views 
 " and wifhes of thofc who feck the downfall of 
 " my houfe. Look at this darling infant, and con- 
 ** iider for a moment, how nearly his life is con- 
 
 " netted
 
 t? necd with your conduft : Would you with to 
 *' fee him branded with infamy ? cad out, and 
 " torn by dogs ?" Here the good lady (bed tears 
 in abundance. " I believe you would not or do 
 <e you wifli to fee him live, and grow to a date of 
 " manhood, and become aprote&or and ableffing 
 ** to you and your's ? If fo, for heaven's fake, 
 " ceafe thefe inteftine broils he lives in your unl- 
 ** on rhe dies in your difcord. 
 
 " BUT mould thefe bafe and vulgar quarrels be 
 " produftive of no fuch ferious confequences ; they 
 " at lead affe&, nay, deeply wound, the reputation 
 " of my family. What muft my friend the French 
 *' nobleman think of us ? What muft the Dutch 
 " merchant next door, or the Spanijh don over 
 *' the way, think of us ? Perhaps you care not 
 " But, I aik, what do you think of yourfelves ? I 
 " appealto your own confciences, whether in thefe 
 66 inveterate altercations, you find your paffions 
 *' raifed by a zeal for me, and a jealoufy for my 
 " \velfare, for this is what you all pretend or, 
 " whether ambition, revenge, or avarice is not the 
 " true fource of thefe animofities ? It is eafy to 
 *' gild a foul defign with a fair motive ; but the 
 44 touch-ftone of adverfity will expofe the bafer 
 " metal ; and God only knows how foon your 
 " fmcerity may be brought to the ted. My heart 
 
 " is
 
 r 314 j 
 
 is full and heavy ; I (hall not enlarge I Iov 
 " you all ; and my warmeft wifli is, that thofe 
 " whom I love, may love one another. 
 
 " WHAT I had principally in view in ordering 
 " your attendance here, was to inform you, that 
 " my dear deceafed hufband hath dire&ed by his 
 " will, that at the end of every feven months, pro- 
 " per perfons ihall be appointed to enquire into the 
 " ceconomy of my family, and the conduft of my 
 " fervants ;* they are to be fevere and impartial 
 " judges. The time of this enquiry is now near at 
 " h;uid ; I (hall, therefore, not invefligate the oc- 
 ct cafion and circumftances of this day's uproar ; 
 " but refigu you to thofe judges, who will not fail 
 " to puniih the guilty, and rectify all abufes : in 
 *' the mean time, however, I would earneftly and 
 " mnft pathetically recommend it to you, Mrs. 
 " Richardfon, and to you, Mr. Thomas, to exert 
 " yourfelves in preferring the peace of the family, 
 " by difcouraging all acrimonious altercations, re- 
 " conciling jarring interefls, and diflributingjuftice 
 tc with moderation and impartiality. Away ! and 
 " leave me to the digeilion of that forrow, from 
 " which you alone can relieve me by your future 
 66 harmony and good conducV' 
 
 SHI 
 
 * The council of ccnfors.
 
 C 3's J 
 
 SHE ceafed, and the company immediately dif- 
 perfed in filence ; but, in going out, Fanny could 
 not refift an opportunity that offered of treading 
 upon Kitty 9 s toes ; and then, with great formality 
 afked her pardon for the accident.* 
 
 A RE- 
 
 * The above was written with a view to check the rage of party, 
 during Mr. Dickenfon's prefidentfhip.
 
 r 3-6 J 
 
 REMARKABLE HISTORICAL FACT, 
 
 Mentioned in the records of the empire of CHIKA, to be found 
 in the great library of the royal city of PEKING, 'vol. 3458 .- 
 tranjlated from the original, by an Englijh gentleman ivho refided 
 many years in that country, and now firjl published in the Englijt 
 language. 
 
 xN the reign of HOANG-TI, who was co-tempo 
 rary with Noah, a cacoethes, or malignant diilem- 
 per, raged amongft the officers and fervants of the 
 emperor's court. The fymptoms by which it ma- 
 manifefled itfelf, were a moft licentious delirium, 
 and a virulent apathy, without any apparent caufe 
 of phrenzy, or vifible diminution of health and 
 ftrength : the infected violently attacked each 
 other, and even ftrangers, if they crofTed their way, 
 by difcharging, periodically, a black corrofive fali- 
 va, which always ftained and fometimes infecled 
 thofc on whom it fell, to the great annoyance of 
 the whole court. 
 
 WHEREUPON the great emperor HOANG-TI, 
 ever careful for the good of his people, iiTued his 
 
 royal
 
 L 317 3 
 
 royal mandate, commanding Cu-tan-fta-afo, his 
 chief furgeon, and Roif-on-al, his chief phyfician, 
 and Whim-Jic-~al, his chief metaphyfidan, to take 
 the infe&ed parties under their care ; and after ex- 
 amining into the caufe of this extraordinary difeafe, 
 to apply the proper remedies, and then make re 
 port to him of the whole matter. 
 
 IN purfuance of this mandate of the emperor 
 HOANG-TI, many perfons were apprehended, and 
 carried to the grand infirmary. Amongft thefe 
 were Chink-Chink, the poet, who was one of the 
 royal council ; Tiving-Twang 9 the mufician, who 
 was alfo a mandarine; Fee-fa-fwn, of the military; 
 Quil-king'gum^ the fcribe ; RuJh-Tufo, the politi 
 cian ; Tfang-hU) and Van-leo-ai^ men of letters ; 
 with Fal-fool-fi-reb-randj Van-hoc^ and many others 
 of inferior note. 
 
 n-JIa-a/h, the furgeon, Poi-fon-al, the 
 phyfician, and Whim-fic-al, the metaphyfician, had 
 duly confidered the cafe, they were unanimoufly of 
 opinion, that this difeafe was occafioned by obftruc- 
 tions in ihepori be/arii, duftus hypaticus, and dudus 
 pancrvaticus : that in confequence of thefe obilruc- 
 tions, the bile not being duly elaborated by the 
 liver, or Aveetened and correfted by the pancrea 
 tic juice, was extravafated into the abdomen, from. 
 
 whence
 
 C 318 1 
 
 whence, afcending through 7 thc epigaftric region 
 into the thorax, it foon reached the falival 
 glands, and fo mixed with the chyle : that a great 
 part was uftially difcharged through the mouth by 
 fpitting and fputtering ; but the remainder being 
 fwallowed into the flomach, pervaded the whole 
 circulation of digeflion, and finally went off in foetid 
 urine, or in a clammy and offenfive fweat. 
 
 HAVING thus difcovered the diagnoftic fymp- 
 toms, the curative indications readily prefented, 
 viz. to deterge the inteflincs by potent cathartics, 
 to diflodge the obftructions by vigourous concuffi- 
 ons, and to open a way for the virulent matter, by 
 promoting fenfible and infenfible perfpiration : and 
 after much deliberation, it was concluded, that all 
 thefe purpofes might be affe&ed by one fimple ope- 
 ration, viz. THE BASTINADO ; provided it mould 
 be adminiftered to the patient ufque adfudorem 9* 
 putorem. 
 
 AGREEABLY to this determination of Cu-tan- 
 
 J!a-afh,t\\t furgeon, Poif-on-a/, the phyfician, and 
 
 Wbim-Jic-al) the metaphyfician, the patients were 
 
 forthwith bound hand and foot, and the operation 
 
 adminiftered with great alacrity. 
 
 THE effeft was truly aftonifhing : fome, indeed, 
 
 required
 
 required more, and others lefs, of the falutary cx- 
 ercife, according to the ilrength of the difeafe, and 
 obitinacy of the patient : but in the end, all reco 
 vered and were releafed ; except only the unfortu 
 nate Suil-king-guni) in whom the diitemper was fo 
 inveterate, that he died under the operation, be 
 fore any favourable fymptoms appeared : this be- 
 in^ the cafe, it was agreed between Cu-tan-JIa-afl), 
 Poif-on-al and Whim-fic-al, that the body of the de- 
 ceafed (hould be opened, in order to a more certain 
 difcovery of the nature of this extraordinary 
 difeafe. 
 
 THIS was accordingly done, "and thefe learned 
 men having made the inveftigation with great fkili 
 and attention, formed a report of the cafe, and 
 laid the fame before the emperor, in obedience to 
 his royal mandate. 
 
 THE report was in thefe words. 
 
 " To the great and mighty HOANG-TI, empe 
 ror of CHINA, governor of the world, the inven 
 tor of arts, and the father of his people : 
 
 " THE report of Cu-tan-jla-afh^ his chief furge- 
 on ; and of Poif-on-al, his chief phyfician, on in- 
 fpefting the body of >uil-king-i(n:, the fcribe, 
 deceafed. 
 
 "Ix
 
 " IN obedience to the royal command, we have 
 attended ro the cacoethical difeafe which had fcized 
 many perfons belonging to your imperial court ; 
 and we are mod happy in informing your majefty, 
 that we have by proper applications rcftored all the 
 patients that fell under our care, to compofure, 
 health and harmony, except the fcribe >uil-king+ 
 gum, who, unfortunately expired under the opera 
 tion neceffary to his cure. This circumltance, 
 however, hath afforded us an opportunity of dif- 
 covering, by occular teftimony, the nature and feat 
 of his difeafe. 
 
 " THE deductions from thefe fah we leave to 
 the learned Whim-fic-al, your majefty 's chief meta- 
 phyfician. 
 
 ce WE have only to add, that in order to con 
 firm the cure of thofc patients, whom we have 
 been fo fortunate as to reftorc, we have prepared 
 emollient cataplafms of fpices and aromatic herbs, 
 to be applied to the bread, with a view to foften, 
 fweeten, and correct any remaining malignity 
 about the region of the heart," 
 
 SIGNED, Cu-ian-fla-ofo^ with the fignature of 
 A human fkull. Poif-on-at, with the fignature of 
 leaf of hemlock. 
 
 To
 
 ," To the great Hoang-ti, emperor of China, go 
 vernor of the world, the inventor of arts, and the 
 
 father of his people. 
 
 " THE report of ivhim-jic-al, the metaphyfician, 
 on confidering the cafe of Quil-k ing-gum, the 
 fcribe, as fet forth in the report of Cu-tan-Jla-aJb* 
 the furgeon, and Poif-on-al^ the phyfician. 
 
 " YOUR majefty's chief furgeon and chief phy 
 fician, having carefully and judicioufly reprefented 
 the remarkable circumflances, which occurred in 
 opening the body of <uil-king~gum the fcribe ; it 
 is my duty to explain to your majefty how this de 
 rangement in the corporeal fyftem became the ef 
 ficient caufe of that obliquity of conduct and acri 
 mony of temper fo confpicuous in the life and man 
 ners of the deceafed. 
 
 " EVER zealous to gratify the defires of my 
 fovereign, it is with great concern I find myfelf 
 under the neceffity of praying your majefty's in 
 dulgence in this particular, until I (hall have com 
 pleted a work which has been the attention and 
 ftudy of my whole life. 
 
 X "Tms
 
 I 322 ] 
 
 " THIS work which I {hall have the honour of 
 laying at the feet of the great Hoang-ti, will c^n- 
 tain a full and fktisfa&ory account of the original 
 elements of the fpiritual and material kingdoms : 
 It will trace the various phenomena that arife from 
 t;.e innumerable combinations of thefe elementary 
 principles. 
 
 " I {hall Ihew that in this vifible world all things 
 are but fo many different exhibitions of one ori 
 ginal eiTence ; as the leaves, flowers, and fruit of 
 a plant are only varied difplays of the fame nu 
 tritious juice. 
 
 " I ihall fliew that fire is only condenfed light, 
 air is condenfed fire, water condenfed air ; that 
 earth is condenfed water, and that metals, flones, 
 and all the foffile kingdom are different modifica 
 tions of condenfed earth. 
 
 " So alfo with regard to fpirit ; I fliall con 
 vince your majefty, and I hope, the whole world, 
 that fpirit or mind, abftra&ed from all adjuncts, 
 is a fimple effence or unity ; not compounded of 
 parts, but of powers only : That there can, there 
 fore, be no original difference between fouls ; in- 
 afmuch as one unity cannot differ from another, 
 
 except
 
 t 323 ] 
 
 except only in identity, and their powers being 
 all ejftntial muft therefore be all equal. 
 
 " THAT to accomplifh the infcrutable purpofes 
 of the great Creator, fpirit became connected 
 with, and inclofed in material organs : and being 
 fo incorporated cannot exhibit or exercife any of 
 its powers, but fuch as the organization of the 
 body with which it is conne&ed is capable of 
 making manifeft. 
 
 " THAT, upon thefe principles, differences in 
 temper and abilities are not occafioned by an ori 
 ginal difference of fouls, but are the confequences 
 of a different organization of bodies. Inferring 
 from this fyflem, that the foul of an ideot, when 
 difengaged from the faulty body with which it was 
 united, hath all the powers and faculties of the 
 foul of a philofopher. And, further, that the foul 
 of an horfe is as truly fpirimal as the foul of a man. 
 
 " I (hall have the honour alfo to {hew, that, not- 
 withftanding this hypothecs, virtue and vice are 
 not merely the effeft of mechanifm ; but that the 
 foul having an innate fenfe of right and wrong, 
 and a power of comroul over the body, can at plea- 
 fure, reflrain or encourage its mechanical propen- 
 X 2 fities ;
 
 C 3*4 J 
 
 fities ; of which I {hall give a var/ety of convinc 
 ing examples. The body is the flave of an aftfve 
 foul, but may by inattention and indulgence be 
 come the matter. When the will of the foul is 
 flrong, it is in vain for the body to plead laffitude, 
 weaknefs, or pain. Hence it is that the failor 
 braves contending elements, the foldier faces fire 
 and fword, arid' the martyr fmiles amidft fur- 
 rounding flames. For Volition is an eflential qua 
 lity of the foul, and however poorly it may exhi 
 bit its powers, according to the circumflances of 
 the material engine with which it is fo intimately 
 conne&ed, it is always free to will. 
 
 " IN this work I {hall alfo explain to your ma- 
 jefty's comprehenfion all the myfteries of volun 
 tary and involuntary motion ; and trace the fpirit 
 from her firft pantings in the punflum fallens, to 
 the laft ftruggles of animal life. 
 
 " YOUR majefty will then plainly fee, that the 
 character and conduct of the late guil-king-gum 
 was perfectly confonant with the frame and con- 
 ftitution of his body, as reprefented by Cu-tan-Jla- 
 afh, your chief furgeon, and Poif-on-al y your chief 
 phyfician j and you will know alfo how far he 
 
 night,
 
 might, and how far he could not., have counter 
 acted the propenfities of his mechanical nature. 
 
 " FOR the prefent, I can do no more than give 
 a fhort abftraft of deductions from his cafe. 
 
 " BUT the phyfical and metaphyfical laws by 
 which the temper of the foul becomes thus confo- 
 nant with certain arrangements and derangements 
 of body, are fo fubtile,and fo deeply involved in the 
 great arcana of nature, that the mod fimple and 
 common phenomenon cannot be fully account 
 ed for without developing the whole wonderful 
 fyftera. 
 
 " THUS when I fhall explain to your majefty 
 the caufe by which a philofopher in a fever be 
 comes a madman, and in a lethargy a fool, you 
 will know all the myfteries of fpirit and matter, 
 feparate or conjoined : you will fully comprehend 
 the caufe of waking, fleeping, and dreaming.: 
 you will fee the fource from whence the artift de 
 rives his fancy, and the poet his re. 
 
 " IN all thefe points I ftiaH have the honour to 
 give the great Hoang-ti full fatisfaftion, when 1 
 {hall have completed the arduous work I have in 
 hand*] 
 
 X 3 IN
 
 " IN the mean time, I pray your majefty to 
 fufpend that ardent thirft for knowledge which 
 charafterifes your aufpicious reign, and extend 
 your royal indulgence to your faithful flave." 
 
 Signed WHIM SIC AL 
 
 With the fignature of an Air Bubble* 
 
 SOME
 
 r 
 
 SOME ACCOUNT 
 
 OF A NEW WORK ENTITLED 
 
 DIALOGUES OF THE DEAD. 
 
 JL HIS manufcript was not found in digging the 
 vaults of the new Quaker meeting houfe in 
 Arch Street ; nor was it difcovered in a leaden 
 box by the labourers employed in the regulation 
 of Seventh Street ; neither was it wafhed out by 
 a flood through the fubterraneous aquedu&s of 
 the city into that place of general contribution 
 the Dock ; but it was found, where it might natu 
 rally be expe&ed, in the pocket of the author. 
 
 LUCIAN, in antient, and Lord Littleton in-modern 
 times, with many others, wrote dialogues of the 
 dead ; and the pious Mrs. Roive eftablilhed a regu 
 lar poft between the fpiritual and temporal king- 
 rdoms. fop alfo caufed birds, beads, and fillies, to 
 .hold familiar conventions, like fo many chriflians, 
 
 in
 
 [ 3*8 r 
 
 in good decent language. Thefe were bold ftrokes 
 in literature. But our author outftrips them far. 
 That intelligent beings, under any form of exift- 
 ence, fliould be capable of a mutual communica 
 tion of ideas, is not an abfurd or improbable fuppo- 
 fition. That the brute fpecies, manifeftly poffefled 
 of ideas and furnifhed with at leaft apparent or 
 gans of fpeech, might maintain a friendly converfa- 
 tion is not difficult to conceive : but that dead 
 carcafes fhould uttsr fentiments, and hold recipro 
 cal intercourfe, feems to be a fliocking violation 
 of the bounds of probability. Our author, how 
 ever, attempts to juflify the ground he hath cho- 
 fen by a fyftem of philofophy, whimfical enough, 
 of which the principal outlines arc thcfe. 
 
 HE ftates the pofition, that whatever exifts 
 Hath identity, or that which diflinguifhes it from 
 another being however iimilar. That bodies arc 
 fenfible of their identity, which is manifeftcd by the 
 refinance they make to any change of form, or 
 to any diminution or addition of fubflancc. That 
 all material bodies have atmofphercs adhering to 
 their fuperficies, or rather that thofe atmofpheres 
 are the component parts of the bodies themfelves, 
 expanded and rarefied to an imperceptible degree 
 of finenefs. So that bodies have, in fact:, no per 
 ceptible out-lines. What appears to us, he fays, 
 
 to
 
 to be the external outlines of any body, is no 
 thing more than that line of divifion in its atmo- 
 fphere which feparates thofe particles which are 
 grofs enough to become the objects of vifion, 
 from thofe which are too refined for that purpofe. 
 And therefore, he infers, to no two men does 
 the fame object appear of equal magnitude, unlefs 
 their eyes fh'ould be formed exactly alike, and pof- 
 felTcd of precifely equal powers. From which he 
 concludes, that no one can certainly fay here this 
 body ;'/, but there it is not. 
 
 HE aflerts further, that thefe atmofpheres, fur- 
 rounding not only the whole, but every molicule 
 of a body, mud ever prevent an actual contact of 
 parts however clofely preiTed together ; and there 
 fore, there is riot to be found in all nature a truly 
 folid body. That when bodies lye fo near each 
 other that their atmofpheres interfere, there muft. 
 be an actual intercourfe of parts between them, of 
 which they are more or lefs fenfibk according to 
 the vigour and activity of their refpective atmo 
 fpheres. And that by fuch an interference of at 
 mofpheres, fentiments may be communicated, efpe- 
 cially if the component parts of the effluvias have 
 been highly fublimated.
 
 r 33 ] 
 
 OK this hypothefis our author founds his work, 
 entitled Dialogues of the Dead. One of thefe dia 
 logues is felefted as a fpecimen of his manner. It 
 is the third dialogue of the fecond book ; fuppofed 
 to pafs between the careafes of a dog and a cat 
 lying in one of the (beets of this city. 
 
 DIALOGUE III. 
 
 CAT. So neighbour ! you are welcome into 
 our fraternity. Which of the flreet commiffioners, 
 pray, ordered you here ? 
 
 DOG. I know nothing of the ftreet commif- 
 fioners not I I had got a bad cold, which oc- 
 cafioned a defluxion from my nofe. This was 
 foon perceived. The cry of mad dog was raifed, 
 and the boys knocked me in the head Street 
 commiilioners, indeed ! I fuppofe if one of them 
 fhould pafs this w r ay, he would foon order both 
 you and me into a dirt cart, and pack us off to 
 the commons. 
 
 CAT. I perceive that you are very ignorant. 
 You feeni to know nothing of the late improve 
 ments in the police of this city. Don't you know 
 that I lie here by exprefs order of the ftreet com- 
 
 miflioners,
 
 L 33' ] 
 
 miffioners, tliofe guardians of the heal ill and con 
 venience of the citizens of Philadelphia ? and that 
 thefe ftreets are regularly fupplied with dead cats 
 at a very confiderable expence ? 
 
 DOG. You furprife me very much ! Pray, to 
 what purpofe ? 
 
 CAT. I will inform you. It has been difcover- 
 ed, and proved, particularly by a Doctor Alex 
 ander, profeflbr in Edinburgh, that filth, nafli- 
 nefs, and corruption, are the only fure prefer vers 
 of health. He made nuinberlefs experiments to 
 afcertain this truth. He procured fome of the li 
 quor from a pool near Edinburgh, into which the 
 carcafes of dogs, cats, horfes, &c. and the general 
 filth of the city are ufoally thrown. This he put 
 into a glafs, vifcous, green, and frothy, as he 
 found it .: he took alfo fome fair fpring water and 
 put it into another glafs. Two pieces of freib. 
 meat were fufpended in thefe waters, and placed 
 in the fame degree of heat. In a few hours, the 
 meat immerfed in fair water began to fmell oiTen- 
 five, and foon after became putrefcent ; whilft the 
 other remained fweet for feveral days ; and, be-- 
 ing broiled on the coals, made an excellent fteak 
 for the curious doftor to regale himfelf withal. 
 Convinced by this experiment, our commUTioners 
 
 have
 
 r 332 3 
 
 have directed as many carcafes, and as much filth 
 as can be collected, to be difperfed through the 
 Ifreets of this city. And it is owing to their 
 attention that there is now no ftreet or alley 
 without at lead a reafonable fiipply of putrefcent 
 matter. 
 
 DOG. Well ! but I am fure there is a law for 
 cleanfmg, pitching and paving the ftreets of this 
 city, and a pretty heavy tax levied for the purpofe. 
 I am fure I have heard my mafter curfe and fwear 
 bitterly whilft he paid it. Pray, what becomes of 
 all that money ? 
 
 CAT. What becomes of it ! The commuTioners 
 pay it away in premiums to boys who kill cats for 
 the fupply of this large city. Only confider there 
 are at this time not lefs than three hundred dead 
 cats lying in our ftreets and alleys. But, alas ! what 
 is a poor cat ? not made of fteel (he cannot lad 
 forever continually run over by waggons laden 
 with cord-wood by drays, carts, coaches, and 
 and chains, and perpetually kicked about by 
 horfes* hoofs. I fuppofe the oldeft and toughed 
 ram-cat that can be got will not wear more than a 
 month. Well ! three hundred cats per moath make 
 three thoufand fix hundred neceflary for the an 
 nual fupply of this city and thefe are not to be 
 
 had
 
 [ 333 3 
 
 had gratis. The time is not far off when the Ic- 
 giflature will find it neceffary to pafs a law for en 
 couraging the breed of cats, and even allow a 
 handfome bounty on their importation. Our 
 worthy ftreet commiffibners already find cats fo 
 fcarce, that they are fometimes obliged to put the 
 city to an allowance. But they make up the defi 
 ciency, by encouraging houfekeepers to throw in 
 to the ftreets, all the offals of their kitchens ; 
 fuch as guts, garbage, bones, feathers, oyfter- 
 Ihells, &c. And they allow the foap-boiler to 
 pile up before his door, the dregs of his trade 
 the ftinking fkimmings of putrid fat, and the ca- 
 put-mortiium of a whole winter's firing. 
 
 DOG. This fyftem of police is entirely new to 
 me, and I believe not generally understood. I 
 have known many to curfe the commiffioners for 
 the dirtinefs of our ftreets, and pay with grudg 
 ing a tax for which they fay there is not value 
 received. 
 
 CAT. Mere effects of ignorance and prejudice ! 
 It is now known to the learned, that the volatile 
 falts arifmg from putrefcent fubftances are the mod 
 powerful antifeptics in nature. It mufl be owing 
 to the extreme cleanlinefs of Conftantinople that it 
 is fo often vifitcd with the plague. For cleanli 
 nefs
 
 [ 334 ] 
 
 nefs is part of the religion of a Mahometan but 
 Chriflians know better. The king of Spain once 
 undertook to cleanfe the ftreets of Madrid, by or 
 dering the inhabitants to accommodate themfelves 
 with neceffaries ; but this had well nigh caufed an 
 infurredtion in that great city. And the phyfi- 
 cians, one and all, joined in a remonflrance to the 
 crown, declaring that the health of the inhabi 
 tants depended upon there being a fufficient quan 
 tity of human ordure fpread over the ftreets of 
 Madrid. 
 
 MANY of the good people, who live on the eaft 
 fide of Front Street, between Arch and Vine 
 Streets, hold the fame philofophical creed. Who 
 ever will (troll through that neighbourhood, from 
 
 O O ' 
 
 ten to twelve o'clock at night, (whether he goes 
 along Front or Water Streets) will not fail to fee 
 the nymphs ruih fudclenly out, and pour forth 
 plentiful libations to the goddefs Cloadna from 
 their facred urns. And whoever walks that way 
 early in the morning, might fuppofe that Jupiter^ 
 enamoured with the Danacs of that diftricl, had 
 acrrJn defcended in a golden fhower. Delicate 
 
 o o 
 
 conilitutions, fubjecl' to nervous and hyflerical af- 
 feclions, are fure cf finding relief by taking the 
 air of that neighbourhood. And it is faid the 
 flreet commiffioners frequently direct their morn 
 ing
 
 [ 335 ] 
 
 ing walk that way to procure an appetite for 
 breakfaft. Moreover, it is expecled, that as the 
 feafon advances, the urinous falts will be fo fubli- 
 med by the heats of the fummer fun, as to ge 
 nerate a natural phofphorus : in which cafe that 
 neighbourhood will apply for an exemption from 
 the lamp-tax as an unneceffary impofition on that 
 part of the city, whofe inhabitants, like the fru 
 gal fire-fly, can furnifh light from their own tails. 
 
 DOG. And is this new doctrine of health the 
 the only reafon why our commhTioners fuifer the 
 ftreets to remain in fo nafty a condition ? 
 
 CAT. No there are even pleafures and conve 
 niences as well as real advantages arifmg from it. 
 I ihall only give you one inftance. The ftreets 
 being covered three or four inches thick with foft 
 mud, and femi-fluid filth, the carriages pafs eafily 
 and lilently along, without diflurbing the fick by 
 the rattling of their wheels, or jarring the teeth 
 out of the jaws of the riders, as is the cafe in 
 driving over a clean (tone pavement. Befides, a 
 coach cannot run far without encountering the 
 body of a cat: the wheels muft unavoidably break 
 three or four ribs of the carcafe, and this will af 
 ford an agreeable cra/h 9 to the great amufement 
 of the ladies and gentlemen within. 
 
 D'oo.
 
 r 336 i 
 
 ; DOG. From what you have faid, I begin:; at 
 this inftant a dray laden with a hogfhead of fugar 
 came along, and one of the wheels rolled dire&ly 
 over the head of the dog.] 
 
 CAT. Ha ! ha ! ha ! What a curfed figure 
 you make ! why your head is as flat as a pancake. 
 
 DOG. Yes. That booby, who has gonewhif- 
 tling along, little thinks how wonderfully the ma 
 chine was conftructed which he has fo carelefsly 
 deftroyed. If all the rational powers of his 
 whole genealogy, from the firil of his name, who 
 was got behind a hedge in Ireland, to the lafl of 
 of his family who will be hanged in America for a 
 robbery, could be united in one individual, he 
 would not be able to combine matter to fuch afto- 
 nifliing efFeft, as it was arranged in the little 
 caiket he hath now cruuied to pieces. Good 
 God ! what work he has made ! Cerebrum, ce 
 rebellum, pia mater, dura mater, pineal gland, 
 medullary fubflance, nerves, lymph, venal and ar 
 terial blood, oftium and peri-oftium, all confound 
 ed together. Thanks, however, to bountiful na 
 ture, who hath fo ordered it, that no derangement 
 of the machine, after what is called death, lhall oc- 
 cafion pain. But I was faying, from what you have 
 obferved, I begin to fee things in a different light. 
 4 CAT.
 
 r 337 ] 
 
 CAT. Ha! ha! ha! You may well fee things 
 in a different light, truly-rr-Why, your eye-balls 
 are turned out of their fockets into open funfhine, 
 
 DOG. No matter ; let me aik you was there 
 not an attempt made to have this city incorporated, 
 with a view to its better government, and for the 
 removal of what are called nuifances, abufes, and 
 impofitions? 
 
 CAT. Yes ; but the cry of mad dog was raifed 
 againft the bill, as in the cafe of your worfhip ; 
 and it was knocked on the head. 
 
 DOG. Don't you think the thing may be again 
 attempted with fuccefs ? 
 
 CAT. Doubtlefs ; provided the principal oppo- 
 fer be recommended as mayor ; the next in vocife 
 ration recorder ; and the reft aldermen. For, 
 depend upon it, this is a true republican maxim : 
 " Power is a very dangerous weapon ; yet if you 
 will put it into my hands, I mall ufe it with fo much 
 lenity and difcretion, as to make it a public blef- 
 .fmg : but no man elfe ought to be unified." 
 
 DOG. Have you any thing more to fay, for in 
 truth I grow tired of your converfation ? 
 
 Y CAT,
 
 C 338 J 
 
 CAT. Only this : it is whifpcred that the ftreet 
 commiflioners hold a monthly feaft ; at which the 
 principal difti is two large ram-cats, fmothered in 
 onions. Numbers obferved, or might have ob- 
 ferved, two flunned cats, lying in Chemut-flreet, 
 near Third-ftreet : thefe had been prepared for 
 this fame love-feafl : but as the gentlemen are ve 
 ry nice in their eating, they were thought not fat 
 enough for their table, and fo were thrown into 
 the common flock in the flreet, and a brace of 
 better fed cats provided for the entertainment. 
 
 You grow impatient, or I meant to fay fome- 
 thing of the dock, that great ornament of our city : 
 I could alfo give you a hint of a remarkable revo 
 lution in politics, which is even now working its 
 way, and will ftiortly {hew itfelf a revolution, 
 which 
 
 A carriage pafllng fwiftly along at this inflant, 
 ran acrofs the cat, and turned her fairly over ; fo 
 that the fide which had been next the ground was 
 now uppermoft, which circumftance totally chang 
 ed the fubjeft of converfation : for, as was before 
 obferved, this dialogue was maintained by an inter 
 ference ofatmofpheres. Now, the volatile particles 
 which had been for many days fweltering next the 
 earth, were of a very different nature from thofe 
 
 which
 
 C 339 3 
 
 which emanated from a furfacc cxpofed to the 
 open air, and of courfe had a very different effeft. 
 
 SOMETHING like this may be obferved in ani 
 mal life. If a man, when he goes to bed, indulges 
 a train of thoughts, lying on his left fide, when he 
 turns on his right fide, the whole train of ideas 
 vanifhes j and he can fcarcely by any efforts of the 
 mind, recover the fame thread of cogitation, unlefs 
 the fubjeft was of a very interefting nature. So, 
 in dreaming, a change of pofition in the body 
 never fails to change the whole fcencry in which 
 the imagination had been engaged. 
 
 A. B, 
 
 March 1784. 
 
 y 2 wo.
 
 r 340 j 
 
 MODERN LEARNING: 
 
 EXEMPLIFIED B Y A 
 
 SPECIMEN 
 
 *f A 
 
 COLLEGIATE 'EXAMINATION. 
 
 METAPHYSICS. 
 
 *PROF. WHAT is a SALT-BOX ? 
 STU. It is a box made to contain fait. 
 PROF. How is it divided ? 
 STU. Into a falt-box, and a box of fait. 
 PROF. Very well ! fhew the diftin&ion. 
 
 STU. A falt-box may be where there is no fait; 
 but fait is abfolutely neceffary to the exiftence of 
 of a box of fait. 
 
 PROF- 
 
 * Prof, profeflbr; Siu. (Indent j gov. governor of the inftitution.
 
 r 34- 3 
 
 PROF. Are not falt-boxes otherwife divided ? 
 
 STU. Yes : by a partition. 
 
 PROF. What is the ufe of thi3 partition ? 
 
 STU. To feparate the coarfe fait from the fine. 
 
 PROF. How ? think a little. 
 
 STU. To feparate the fine fait from the coarfe. 
 
 PROF. To be fure : -it is to feparate the fine 
 from the coarfe : but are not falt-boxes yet other- 
 wife diftinguifbed ? 
 
 STU. Yes: W\Q pojfible, probable 
 
 PROF. Define thefe feveral kinds of fak-bexes. 
 
 STU. A pojjlble falt-box jb i falt-bas yet ijinfoU 
 in the hands of the joiner. 
 
 PPOF. Why fo ? 
 
 STU. Becaufe it hath never yet become a fak- 
 box in fad., having never had any fait in it j and 
 it may pofiibly be applied to fome other ufe. 
 
 PROF. Very true : for a felt-box which never 
 had, hath not now, and perhaps never may have, 
 any fait in it, can only be termed a foffible -fait- 
 box. What is a probable falt-box ? 
 
 Y 3 STU.
 
 r 342 j 
 
 STU. It is a falt-box in the hand of one going 
 to a (hop to buy fait, and who hath fix-pence in 
 his pocket to pay the grocer : and a po/itive falt- 
 box is one which hath actually and bonafide got 
 fait in it. 
 
 PROF. Very good : but is there no inflancc of 
 a pofitive falt-box which hath no fait in it ? 
 
 STU. I know of none. 
 
 PROF. Yes : there is one mentioned by fomc 
 authors : it is where a box hath by long ufe been 
 fo impregnated with fait, that although all the fait 
 hath been long fmce emptied out, it may yet be 
 called a falt-box, with the fame propriety that we 
 fay a fait herring, fait beef, &c. And in this fenfe 
 any box that may have accidentally, or otherwife, 
 been long fleeped in brine, may be termed pojitively 
 a falt-box, although never defigned for the purpofc 
 of keeping fait. But tell me, what other divifion 
 of falt-boxes do you recollect ? 
 
 STU. They are further divided into fubftantive 
 and pendant : a fub/lanti've falt-box is that which 
 ftands by itfelf on the table or drelfer j and a pen 
 dant is that which hangs upon a nail againfl the 
 wall. 
 
 PROF.
 
 [ 343 3 
 
 RROF. What is the idea of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. It is that image which the mind conceives 
 of a falt-box, when no falt-box is prefent. 
 
 PROF. What is the abftraft idea of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. It is the idea of a falt-box. abftra&ed from 
 the idea of a box, or of fait, or of a falt-box, or of 
 a box of fait. 
 
 PROF. Very right: and by thefe means you 
 acquire a moft perfeft knowledge of a falt-box : 
 but tell me, is the idea of a falt-box a fait idea ? 
 
 STU. Not unlefs the ideal box hath ideal fait 
 ink. 
 
 PROF. True: and therefore an abftraft idea 
 cannot be either fait or frefti ; round or fquare 5 
 long or Ihort : for a true abftraft idea mud be en 
 tirely free of all adjuncts. And this Ihews the dif 
 ference between a fait idea, and an idea of fait. 
 Is an aptitude to hold fait an ejftntial or an acci 
 dental property of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. It is ejfential ; but if there ihouldbea 
 crack in the bottom of the box, the aptitude to 
 
 fpiU
 
 r 344 3 
 
 fpill fait would be termed an acddentul property of 
 that falt-box. 
 
 PROF. Very well ! very well indeed ! What is 
 the fait called with refpeft to the box ? 
 
 STU. It is called its contents. 
 PROF. And why fo ? 
 
 STU. Becaufe the cook is content quoad hoc to 
 to find plenty of fait in the box. 
 
 PROF. You are very right I fee you have not 
 mifpent your time : but let us now proceed to 
 
 LOGIC. 
 
 PROF. How many parts are there in a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. Three. Bottom, top, ari 
 
 PROF. HoW many modes are there in falt- 
 boxes ? 
 
 STU. Four. The formal, the fubftantial, the 
 accidental, and the topfey-htrvey. 
 
 PROF.
 
 [ 345 ] 
 PRO. Define tlicfe feveral modes, 
 
 STU. The formal refpefts the figure or {hape 
 of the box, fuch as round, fquare, oblong, and 
 fo forth ; the fiibftantial refpe&s the work of the 
 joiner ; and the accidental depends upon the firing 
 by which the box is hung againft the wall. 
 
 PROF. Very well And what are the confe- 
 quences of the accidental mode ? 
 
 STU. If the firing fliould break the box would 
 fall, the fait be fpilt, the falt-box broken, and the 
 eook in a bitter paffion : and this is the accidental 
 mode with its confequences. 
 
 PROF. How do you diflinguhli between the 
 top and bottom of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. The top of a box is that part which is 
 uppcnnoft, and the bottom that part which is 
 lowed in all pofitions. 
 
 PROF. You fliould rather fay the lowed pan is 
 the bottom, and the uppermod part is the top. 
 How is it then if the bottom fliould be the upper- 
 mod? 
 
 STU. The top would then be the lowermoft ; 
 and fo the bottom would become the top, and 
 
 the
 
 [ 34* ] 
 
 the top would become the bottom : and this is 
 called the topfey-turvey mode, which is nearly al 
 lied to the accidental, and frequently arifes from it, 
 
 PROF. Very good But 'are not falt-boxes 
 fometimes fmgle and fometimcs double ? 
 
 STU. Yes. 
 
 PROF. Well, then mention the feveral combi 
 nations of falt-boxes with rcfpeft to their having 
 fait or not. 
 
 STU. They are divided into fmgle falt-boxes 
 having fait ; fmgle falt-boxes having no fait j 
 double falt-boxes having fait ; double falt-boxes 
 having no fait ; and fmgle double falt-boxes hav 
 ing fait and no fait. 
 
 PROF. Hold ! hold ! you are going too far. 
 
 Gov. We cannot allow further time for logic, 
 proceed if you pleafe to 
 
 NATURAL
 
 f 347 3 
 
 NATURAL PHILOSOPHY. 
 PROF. Pray Sir, what is a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. It is a combination of matter, fittecl* 
 framed, and joined by the hands of a workman in 
 the form of a box, and adapted to the purpofe of 
 receiving, containing, and retaining fait. 
 
 PROF. Very good What are the mechanical 
 powers concerned in the conftruclion of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. The ax, the faw, the plane, and the 
 hammer. 
 
 PROF. How are thefe powers applied to the 
 purpofe intended? 
 
 STU. The ax to fell the tree, thcfaiv to fpfit 
 the timber. 
 
 PROF. Confidcr. It is the property of the 
 mall and wedge to fplit. 
 
 STU. The faw to Jlit the timber, the plane to 
 fmooth and thin the boards. 
 
 PROF.
 
 C 343 J 
 
 PROF. How ! Take time ! Take time ! 
 
 STU. To thin and fmooth the boards. 
 
 PROF. To be fare The boards are firft thin 
 ned and then fmoothed go on 
 
 STU. The plane to thin and fmooth the boards, 
 and the hammer to drive the nails. 
 
 PROF. Or rather tacks Have not fome philo- 
 fophers ccnfidcred glue as one of the mechanical 
 powers ? 
 
 STU. Yes ; and it is '{till fo confidered, but it is 
 called an inverfe mechanical power : becaufe, 
 whereas it is the property of the dircft mechanical 
 powers to generate motion, and feparate parts ; 
 glue, on the contrary, prevents motion, and keeps 
 the parts to which it 13 applied fixed to each 
 other. 
 
 PROF. Very true What is the mechanical law 
 of the f aw? 
 
 STU. The power is to the refinance, as the 
 number of teeth and force impreiFed multiplied by 
 the number of ftrokes in a given time. 
 
 PROF.
 
 C 349 1 
 
 PROF. Is tliefaiv only ufed in flitting timber 
 into boards ? 
 
 STU. Yes, it is alfo employed in cutting boards 
 into lengths. 
 
 PROF. Not lengths : a thing cannot properly be 
 faid to have been cut into lengths. 
 
 STU. Into Jhortneffes. 
 
 PROF. Certainly into fliortneffes. Well, what 
 are the mechanical laws of the hammer ? 
 
 Gov, The time waftes faft j pafs on to another 
 fcience. 
 
 MATHEMATICS. 
 
 PROF. What is ifalt-box ? 
 
 STU. It is a figure compofed of lines and 
 fur faces. 
 
 PROF. What are the external figures of a 
 falt-box ? 
 
 STU.
 
 J 
 
 STU. Four parallelograms and two fquares. 
 PROF. How are thefe difpofed ? 
 
 STU. The four parallelograms are thus dif 
 pofed : The fuperior, or top ; the anterior, or 
 front ; the inferior, or bottom ; and t&cpqflerior, 
 or back ; and the two fquares from the two ends. 
 
 PROF. Very good Let us now confider one of 
 the fquares at the end of the falt-box. Suppofc 
 then a diagonal line to be drawn from one of the 
 angles of this fquare ^o-thc-oppoihe angle of the 
 fame, what will be the confequence ? 
 
 STU. It will divide the fquare into two equal 
 and fimilar triangles. 
 
 PROF. Very true. But can you demonflrate 
 that thefe two equal and fimilar triangles are equal 
 to each other ? 
 
 STU. I draw the fquare A B C D, whofe fides 
 . B are all equal, and the contained 
 angles, all right angles. I then 
 draw the diagonal B C, dividing the 
 fquare into two equal parts. Then I 
 ' D fay, that one of thofe equal parts, 
 
 viz.
 
 C 35' ] 
 
 riz. the triangle A B C is equal to the other 
 equal part or triangle BCD; and further, 
 that thofe two triangles are not only equal, 
 but fimilar. For by the io5 th proportion of 
 the 4q th book of Euclid, if in two triangles, 
 all the lines and angles of the one, are equal 
 to all the correfponding lines and angles of: the 
 other, thofe two triangles will be equal and 
 fimilar. But the leg A B of the triangle ABC, 
 is equal to the leg C D of the triangle BCD, be- 
 caufe they are two of the fides of the fquare 
 A B C D, equal by conftruftion : and the leg A C 
 is equal to the leg B D for the fame reafon ; and 
 becaufe the hypothenufe B C is common to both 
 triangles, therefore the hypothenufe of the tri 
 angle ABC is equal to the hypothenufe of the 
 triangle BCD. Now, becaufe by the 1 15 th pro- 
 poikion of the fame book, equal legs fubtend e- 
 qual angles of the fame radii ; it follows, that all 
 the angles of the triangle ABC are equal to the 
 correfponding angles of the triangle B D C : 
 ergo, thofe two triangles are equal and iimilar : 
 and ergo, if a fquare be cut by a diagonal line into 
 two equal parts, thofe parts will be equal. Q^C D. 
 
 PROF. Very well ! very well indeed ! Suppofe 
 now a right line to be let fall from a given point 
 above a fult-box, till It {hall touch the fuperior 
 
 paral-
 
 C 35 2 1 
 
 parallelogram, and another right line to be let fall 
 from the fame point till it ihould touch the inferior 
 parallelogram of the fame falt-box, can you de- 
 monftrate that thefe two lines muil be unequal : 
 Or, in other words, can you prove that a line of 
 j 2 inches is fhorter than a line of 1 8 inches in 
 length ? 
 
 STU. If two lines 
 
 Gov. We have juil received intelligence that 
 dinner is almoft ready ; and as the medical clafs is 
 yet to be examined, we cannot afford time for this 
 demonftration. Let the medical gentlemen come 
 forward. 
 
 ANATOMY. 
 
 PROF. What is a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. It is a body compofed of wood, glue, 
 nails and hinges. 
 
 PROF. How is this body divided ? 
 STU. Into external and internal, 
 
 PROF.
 
 C 353 ] 
 
 PROF. Very good external and internal very 
 proper indeed And what are the external parts of 
 a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. One fundamental, four laterals and one 
 fuperlaterah 
 
 PROF. And how do you find the internal parts 
 of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. Divided by a vertical membrane or parti 
 tion into two large cavities or fmuffes. 
 
 PROF. Are thefe cavities always equal ? 
 
 STU. They ufed to be fo formerly ; but mo 
 dern joiners have thought it bed to have them un 
 equal, for the more convenient accommodation of 
 the vifcera or contents ; the larger cavity for the 
 reception of the coarfer vifcera, and the fmaller 
 for the fine. 
 
 PROF. Very true thus have modern joiners, 
 by their improvements, excelled the firft maker of 
 falt-boxes Tell me now what peculiarity do you 
 obferve in ihefitperlateral member of a falt-box ? 
 
 STU. Whereas all the other members are fixed 
 Z and
 
 C 354 ] 
 
 and ftationary with refpeft to each other, the fu 
 perlateral is moveable on a pair of hinges. 
 
 PROF. To what Purpofe it is fo conftrufted ? 
 
 STU. For the admiffion, retention, and emiffion 
 of the faline particles. 
 
 Gov. This is fufficient Our time is fhort 
 dinner muft not wait let us now proceed to 
 
 SURGERY, AND THE PRACTICE OF PHYSIC. 
 
 PROF. Mention a few of the principle diforders 
 to which a falt-box is liable. 
 
 STU. A cracked and leaky fundamental ; a 
 gaping of the joint in the laterals ; luxation of 
 the hinges ; and an acceffion and concretion of filth 
 and foulnefs external and internal. 
 
 PROF. Very well How would you treat thofe 
 diforders ? begin with the firfl. 
 
 ST}[. I would caulk the leaky fundamental 
 with pledgets of tow, which I would fecure in the 
 fiiTure by a flrip of linen or paper pafted over. 
 
 For
 
 t 355 J 
 
 For the ftarting of the lateral joints, I would admi- 
 nifter powerful aftringents, fuch as the gluten cor- 
 neum ; and would bind the parts together by 
 triple bandages until the joints ftiould knit. 
 
 > 
 
 PROF. Would you not affift with chalybeates ? 
 
 STU. Yes I would at tack the difeafe with 
 prepared iron, in dofes proportioned to the ftrength 
 of the parts. 
 
 PROF. How would you manage the luxation of 
 the hinge ? 
 
 STU. I would firft examine whether it was oo 
 cafioned by the ftarting of the points which annex 
 the procefies to \h^ fuper lateral or its antagoriift^ 
 or to a lofs of the fulcrum, or to an abfolute frac 
 ture of the futures. In the firft cafe, I would fecure 
 the procefs by a fcrew ; in the fecond, I would 
 bring the futures together, and introduce the ful 
 crum ; and in the laft, I would entirely remove 
 the fraftured hinge, and fupply its place, pro tern* 
 fore, with one of leather. 
 
 PROF. Very will, fir ! very well ! New for 
 your treatment in cafe of accumulated foulnefs, ex- 
 
 Z 2 ternal
 
 [ 356 ] 
 
 terhal and internal But firft tell me, how is this 
 foulnefs contra&ed ? 
 
 STU. Externally, by the greafy hands of the 
 cook; and internally, by the folution and adhefion 
 of the faline particles. 
 
 PROF. True And now for the cure, 
 
 STU. I would firfl evacuate the abominable veflel, 
 through the prima via. I would then exhibit de 
 tergents and diluents; fuch as the faponaceous pre 
 paration, with great plenty of aquafontana. 
 
 PROF. Would not aqua coeleftis do better ? 
 
 STT. Yes Plenty of aqua ccc/e/tir with the 
 marine fand. I would alfo apply the fri&ion brufli, 
 with a briik and ftrong hand, until the excremen- 
 titious concrete fhould be totally diffolved and 
 removed. 
 
 PROF. Very proper What next? 
 
 STU. I would recommend the cold bath, by 
 means of a common pump ; and then apply lintal 
 abforbents ; and finally exficcate the body by ex- 
 
 pofition
 
 C 357 J 
 
 pofition either in the fun, or before the kitchen 
 fire. 
 
 PROF. In what fituation would you leave the 
 fuperlateral valve during the exficcating ope 
 ration ? 
 
 STU. I would leave it open to the -extent, in 
 order that the rarefied humidities might freely ex- 
 hale from the abominable cavities or fmuffes. 
 
 CHEMISTRY. 
 
 PROF. You have mentioned the faponaceous 
 preparation Pray, how is that procured? 
 
 STU. By the a&ion of a vegetable alkaline 
 fait upon a pinguidinous or un&uous fubflance. 
 
 PROF. What is fait ? 
 
 STU. It is a fubftancey^/^^ra, pungent to the 
 tafte, of an antifeptic quality, and is produced by 
 cryftallizatiou on the evaporation of the fluid in 
 which it is fufpended. 
 
 PROF. How many kinds of fait occur in a falt- 
 box ? 
 
 Z 3
 
 r 358 i 
 
 STU. Two coarfe and fine. 
 
 PROF. You have faid that the faponaceous pre 
 paration is produced by the action of a vegetable 
 alkaline fait on a pinguidinous or unctuous fub- 
 ftance defcribe the procefs. 
 
 STTJ. If a greatquantity of ftrong7/> be procured 
 by palling water through woodafhes, and if a very 
 large body of a pinguidinous habit fhould be im- 
 merfed in this //>, and expofed to a confiderable 
 heat, the action of the //>, or rather of the faks 
 with which it abounds upon the pinguidinous body, 
 would caufe the mixture to coagulate and [Here 
 the examiner looked very four, for he was 
 very fat. ~\ 
 
 AT this indant a fervant announced that dinner 
 was on the table The examination was conclu 
 ded, and the parties feparated One rejoicing in 
 the anticipation of a feaft, and the examined hap 
 py in finding the fiery trial over. 
 
 May 1784. 
 
 AN
 
 I 359 1 
 
 ADDRESS 
 
 TO THE 
 
 AMERICAN PHILOSOPHICAL SOCIETT, 
 
 HELD AT PHILADELPHIA, FOR PROMOTING USEFUL 
 KNOWLEDGE: 
 
 (Delivered January 16, 1784.) 
 
 .O.AVING obferved, with real concern, the 
 flate of fupinenefs and negleft into which this fo- 
 ciety feems to have fallen, I cannot fupprefs the 
 zeal that urges me to attempt fomething that may 
 draw your attention to the important purpofes for 
 which the legiflature hath incorporated you as a 
 philofophical fociety, and to propofe fome regu- 
 gulations which may, in my opinion, prove benefi- 
 ciaUo this inftitution. 
 
 PRE-
 
 PREVIOUS to the late war our fociety was ma 
 king confiderable progrefs towards becoming ufe- 
 ful and famous : it had already attracted the notice 
 of learned men in Europe. The communica 
 tions, by members at home and abroad were fre 
 quent and valuable ; fo that in its infant flate, it 
 was enabled to publifh a volume of tranfaftions 
 which flamped a credit on the fociety, and made it 
 an object worthy of public encouragement. 
 
 THIS fair profpeft, however, was totally over- 
 cafl by the dreary tempeft of war. The {till voice 
 of philofophy could not be heard amidfl the hoflile 
 din of arms, the thunder of the cannon, and the 
 horrible confufion of ravaged countries and plun 
 dered cities. 
 
 BY the bleffing of Almighty God, the prudent 
 and heroic conduct of the citizens and foldiers of 
 America, and the friendly afliftance of a powerful 
 ally, this war, which threatened fo loudly, hath 
 terminated in the eflablifhment of our indepen- 
 dance, and a peace highly honourable and advan 
 tageous to us. 
 
 IT is now time it is high time that philofophy 
 ftiould again lift up her head. Political fovereignty 
 being thus fecured to us, the eyes of Europe are 
 
 turned
 
 C 361 1 
 
 turned towards America And with what view ? 
 Not altogether to contemplate the peculiarities of 
 our government. If our fyftems fliould be bad, 
 we fliall be the chief fufferers ; if they are wife 
 and good, we {hall reap the chief advantage 
 foreign nations are not directly interested in this 
 fpeculation. But they look towards us as a coun 
 try that may be a great nurfery of arts and fcien- 
 ces As a country affording an extenfive field of 
 improvement in agriculture, natural hiflory, and 
 other branches of ufeful knowledge. They look 
 to thofe future philofophers, who fliall fearch nature 
 in her hidden receiTes ; in regions yet unexplored; 
 in depths and caverns, which the light of day hath 
 never yet illumined. 
 
 No fooner were the glad tidings of peace an 
 nounced, but many of the literati of Europe were 
 hafly to encourage our purfuits by their friendly 
 notice. The many letters, with prefents of ufeful 
 and curious books we have lately received, evince 
 this. 
 
 IN what an interefting fituation, then, are we 
 placed ? And in this interefting lituation permit 
 me to alk, what are we doing ? I am truly forry 
 that the anfwer to this queftion fliould amount to 
 little more than this we are returning very civil 
 
 acknow-
 
 C 36* 1 
 
 acknowledgements for the letters and prefents fo 
 received. 
 
 IT may, indeed, reafonably be fuppofed, that c- 
 very citizen of America mud find himfelf intimately 
 intereiled in the political concerns of his country; 
 left in an unfcttled ftate by the confufions of war ; 
 and deeply engaged in the arrangement and efta- 
 blimment of a new empire, to which the late im 
 portant revolution hath given birth. 
 
 BUT thefe excufes, however fubftantial," cannot 
 avail us long. If it lhall be perceived, that year 
 after year elapfes, and nothing interefling is pro 
 duced, no difcoveries made, or even attempted to 
 be made : when it fliall be perceived, that our 
 barrennefs mud be occafioned, either by a want of 
 abilities, or which is, indeed, the truth, by a 
 ihameful want of attention, we mufl unavoidably 
 fink into contempt : and when this fhall be the 
 cafe I will venture to prophefy this fociety will 
 never regain its loft ground. Some other future 
 philofophical fociety, better modelled, and compof- 
 ed of more zealous members, may rife into notice, 
 and become ufeful : but this fociety will fink into 
 oblivion. 
 
 I hope we are yet at a confiderable diftance 
 
 from
 
 [ 3*3 ] 
 
 from fuch difgrace ; but as I apprehend we are 
 rather verging towards it, my concern would not 
 fufler me to withhold this warning. 
 
 To prove that my fears are not altogether with 
 out foundation, I appeal to three notorious cir- 
 cumftances ; our fhameful neglect of the flated 
 meetings of the fociety, the great fcarcity of phi- 
 lofophical communications, and the tenor and com- 
 plexion of our book of minutes. 
 
 NEVER was there an aera in which philofophi- 
 cal ptirfuits were more encouraged, or pufhed with 
 more fuccefs, than the prefent. The difcoveries 
 which have been made in every part of Europe, 
 are mod interefling and important. Some have 
 contrived means to feparate the different kinds of 
 air, compounded in bodies, and to inveiligate and 
 prove experimentally their refpe&ivc properties : 
 others have plunged, as it were, into the element 
 of fire, to fearch out its fubtle powers, and deve- 
 lope that great fecret of nature, the generation of 
 animal heat : fome are puriuing electrical experi 
 ments, with the mod promifing afTiduity : others are 
 adding new worlds to our fyllem : and others, on 
 principles hitherto undifcovered, fend up the vaft 
 balloon, and float in regions deemed inacceffible 
 to man. 
 
 THE
 
 C 364 J 
 
 THE door to knowledge feems to be wider open 
 than ever it was : the authority of the fchools is dai 
 ly giving way to the authority of nature. It is now 
 perceived, that it is not abfolutely neceffary that a 
 man {liould be what is called learned in order to 
 be a philofopher. A judicious and careful ex 
 amination of the phenomena of nature, and ex 
 periments, fimple and eafily made, may, and 
 often do, lead the attentive enquirer to mofl 
 important difcoveries ; even without any know 
 ledge of what are called the learned langua 
 ges, or of the fyflematical do&rines of the 
 fchools. 
 
 MANY, I am perfuaded, have fuppreffed ftrong 
 inclinations for experimental purfuits,from a notion 
 than none can be a philofopher, or ought to meddle 
 with philofophical enquiries, unlefs he has had what 
 is generally called a learned education. The pofi- 
 tion is not true in reafon or in faft : it is not 
 true in faft ; for, many of the greateft advances 
 in philofophical knowledge have been made by 
 men not eminent for their learning : and many 
 of the mod ufeful improvements in mechanics have 
 been produced by men of the moft fcanty educa 
 tion. That defervedly and univerfally admired 
 philofopher the worthy prefident of this fociety,* 
 
 made 
 
 * Dr. Franklin.
 
 C 365 ] 
 
 made fome of his mod important difcoveries before 
 he had acquired any confiderable knowledge in 
 fchool learning ; for he had not a liberal educati 
 on his youth. The pofition is not true in reafon; 
 for the language of nature is not written in Hebrew 
 or Greek ; the underflanding thereof is not involv 
 ed in the contemptible quirks of logic, nor wrapt 
 in the vifionary clouds of metaphyfical hypothecs. 
 The great book of nature is open to all all may 
 read therein and who can read and underftand, 
 without worfhipping the God of nature, who thus 
 manifefts himfelf in the fimplicity and power of his 
 works ? 
 
 THE idolatrous veneration heretofore paid to 
 the theoretical philofophy of thofe fages, who de 
 rive half their reputation from the grofs ignorance 
 of the ages in which they lived, is now in a great 
 meafure done away : men begin, without fear of 
 condemnation, to lay afide faith in philofophy, and 
 bring doftrines to the tefl of faft. The impene 
 trable myfteries and fupernatural influences of 
 chymiftry have vaniilied with the fmoke of the fur 
 nace, and we fee that chymical proceffes are gover 
 ned by the unalterable mechanical laws of nature, 
 which want nothing but fair invefligation to be 
 underftood. The fatal fabric of fyftematical phy- 
 fic that ilaughter-houfe of one-fourth part of the 
 
 human
 
 r 355 j 
 
 human fpecies, is now falling to ruin. The mo 
 dern phyfician fimplifies his practice, by attending 
 to nature and fact, and following their indications 
 in preference to the dilates of Galen. In a word, 
 men do not now, as heretofore, act peremptorily 
 on what may appear to be reafon ; but reafon 
 cautiouily on what appears to be fact : and this 
 mud furely be the right and fafe road to the know 
 ledge of truth. 
 
 WHAT a glorious cera for the advancement of 
 true philofophy ! The road to knowledge laid 
 open, and the fafhion of the times leading into it. 
 
 IN the midd of fuch advantageous circumftances, 
 {hall I again aik the mortifying queftion What 
 are we doing ? I avoid the anfwer I would not 
 offend my defign is only to roufe the fociety 
 from that date of fupinenefs and lethargy into 
 which it feems to have fallen, and to ilimulate its 
 members to a more active attention. 
 
 OUR deficiency, I am confident, is not owing to 
 a want of men of ftrong natural abilities, or a funi- 
 ciency of acquired learning amongft us. Ameri 
 ca hath been noted for the fagacity of her citizens. 
 The very climate is favourable to the production 
 of genius ; and the uncultivated abilities of the 
 
 lowefl
 
 [ 36? J 
 
 lowed clafs of the natives of this country, feera to 
 be as keen and difcerning as thofe of any country 
 whatever. Our deficiency, then, muft be owing 
 merely to a want of attention, which, in our fitua- 
 tion, is unpardonable. 
 
 BUT, as I have prefumed to point at the evil, it 
 is but a reafonable expectation that I fliould alfo 
 attempt to fuggeft a remedy. This I will readily 
 do according to my ideas of what may be benefi 
 cial to the fociety. 
 
 IN the firft place, I think it requifite that this 
 corporation fliould have a building of its own, pro 
 perly conftrufted for the accommodation of our 
 library, nafural curiofities, and philofophical appa 
 ratus, with a convenient hall for the meetings of 
 the fociety, public orations, ledtures, &c. To this 
 building there fliould be annexed an obfervatory, 
 a fmall chymical laboratory, and a botanical gar 
 den. To accomplifh fo great a delign, the fituation 
 of our treafury is certainly far inadequate. A mo 
 derate revenue would ferve all the purpofes of the 
 inftitution, if we were once provided with a build 
 ing and apparatus j to efFeft which, I know of no 
 way, but that of a general fubfcription, and an ap 
 plication to the legiflature for fome aiMance. This 
 once accomplifhed, our annual income might be 
 4 augment-
 
 r 553 j 
 
 augmented, by obliging every new member (ho 
 norary members in diflant countries excepted) to 
 pay eight dollars for his certificate, and to fign an 
 obligation to contribute twenty Jhillings per annum, 
 to the iupport of the funds ;* and to be prohibited 
 from voting, or being voted for to any office,unlefs 
 all arrears be paid up : and if any member mould" 
 refufe or negleft to pay his annual fubfcription for 
 three years fucceflively, it mould be deemed a vo 
 luntary withdrawing himfelf from the fociety, un- 
 lefs in cafe of abfence from the country beyond 
 fea, or other manifedly reafonable excufe. 
 
 I would propofe, that in the election of counfel- 
 lors, particular refpect mould be had to choofe 
 fuch as would probably duly Attend the flated 
 meetings of the fociety ; and that the counfellors 
 fo chofen, iliould underiland, that however other 
 members may be at liberty to attend or not, as 
 inclination or convenience may permit, it will be 
 expected of them, that they mall regularly afiemble 
 at the Mated times for promoting the purpofes 
 of the inftitution ; and, therefore, they (hall be 
 noticed by written or printed tickets, at lead twelve 
 hours before the time of meeting. 
 
 THIS 
 
 * At this time nev members paid nothing on their election, and 
 the annual fubfcription was only ten {hillings from the members, 
 and that far frcr.i being punctually paid.
 
 : 369 : 
 
 THIS particular notice, however, mould not 
 imply the exclufion qf any other member or mem 
 bers, fummoned only by public advertifement, who 
 may choofe to attend. 
 
 . THE counfellors, befides the ftated meetings, 
 may hold meetings on their own adjournments, or 
 may call themfelves together, whenever it mail be 
 thought neceflary ; but (hall do nothing decifivc 
 concerning the fociety, in their own adjourned 
 meetings, but only digeft and plan mere matters 
 of bufmefs, to be recommended and determined 
 upon at the next flated meeting of the fociety. 
 
 MY objeft herein is, that all matters of bufinefs, 
 being duly confidered and prepared, the attention 
 of the fociety may not be too much engaged in 
 matters of little importance to philofophy ; fo that 
 the converfations at the ftated meetings, may be 
 moftly employed in philofophical fubjects with as 
 little interruption as poffible. 
 
 BUT above all, and as a principal objeft, I would 
 recommend that at every ftated meeting of the 
 fociety, or at leaft as often as may be convenient, 
 one or more philofophical experiments fhould ac 
 tually be exhibited. The particular experiment to 
 be determined upon at the preceding meeting, in 
 
 A a order
 
 [ 37 ] 
 
 order that the curators, whofe fpecial duty it fliould 
 be, may provide the requifites, and fee that the 
 fleceffary apparatus be in order for the purpofe : 
 and if any experiment be fuggefted by a member, 
 it fhall be performed at the expence of the treafury, 
 provided a majority of members prefent when it is 
 propofed fhall fo determine: and every experiment 
 made, with the view in making it, and the final re- 
 fult hould be fully recorded in a book to be kept 
 for that purpofe. 
 
 SUCH are the outlines of a reform, which I 
 think would remedy the evils complained of and 
 for the following reafons : firft, as to the neglect 
 in attending the meetings of the fociety. The 
 exhibition of curious, and fometimes new experi 
 ments, with the ccnverfations and reafonings which 
 fuch experiments would naturally occafion, muft, 
 I think, unavoidably engage the attention of many 
 who now abfent themfelves for want of induce 
 ments of entertainment or inflruction. Secondly, 
 the fcarcity of philofophical communications : this 
 would alfo probably be remedied, as the feeing 
 experiments performed, and the poffefTmg conve. 
 nient opportunities of bringing conceived truths to 
 the teft of faft, would incite and produce cffays on 
 many ufeful and curious points, which now live 
 only in idea, and die in neglect. And, thirdly, 
 
 our
 
 L 37i 3 
 
 our book of minutes would fhew that they record 
 the proceedings of a philofophical fociety. 
 
 To conclude, I wilh this addrefs may be confi- 
 dered as preparatory to a motion I {hall now make 
 which is 
 
 " THAT a committee may be appointed to take 
 into confideration the constitution, laws, and regu 
 lations of the fociety ; and to propofe fuch alte 
 rations, amendments, and additions thereto, as they 
 may think moft likely to advance this fociety, and 
 promote the good purpofes for which it was infti- 
 tuted : and that the faid committee propofe the 
 moft promifing means by which a building, and a 
 complete philofophical apparatus, may be procu 
 red ; and report at the next meeting, or as foon as 
 may be convenient." 
 
 Aas AC
 
 Of A 
 
 WORM IN A HORSE'S EYE 
 
 (Read in the Philofophlcal Society, Sept. 26, 
 
 JTIAVING been myfelf a witnefs to the follow 
 ing curious faft, I thought it (hould not pafs un 
 recorded, efpecially as it occured in this city, un 
 der the immediate notice of the philofophical 
 fociety. 
 
 A report prevailed laft fummer, that a horfe was 
 to be feen, which had a living ferpent in one of 
 his eyes. At firft I difregarded this report ; but 
 feveral of my acquaintance, who had been to fee 
 the horfe, confirming the account, I had the curi- 
 ofity to go myfelf, taking a friend along with me. 
 
 THE horfe was kept in Arch-flreet, and belonged 
 to a free negro. I examined the eye with all the 
 attention in my power, being no ways difpofed to 
 credit the common report, but rather expe&ing 
 
 to
 
 [ 373 3 
 
 to deteft a fraud or vulgar prejudice ; but was 
 much furprifed to fee a real living worm within 
 the ball of the horfe's eye. This worm was of a 
 clear white colour, in fize and appearance much 
 like a piece of white bobbin ; it feemed to be from 
 2^ to 3 inches in length, which, however, could 
 not be exaftly afcertained, its whole length never 
 appearing at one time, but only fuch a portion 
 thereof as cculd be -feen through the iris, which 
 was greatly dilated. The creature was in a con- 
 ftant, lively, vermicular motion, fometimes retiring 
 fo deep in the eye as not to be feen at all, and at 
 other times approaching fo near to the - iris as to 
 become plainly and diftinftly feen ; at lead fo 
 much of it as was within the field of the iris. I 
 could not diftinguim its head, neither end being 
 perfectly exhibited whilft I viewed it; and, indeed, 
 its motion was fo briik and conftant as not to ad 
 mit of fo nice an examination. 
 
 THE horfe's eye was exceedingly inflamed, 
 fwoin, and running ; I mean the mufcles contigui 
 ous to the eye-ball, and he feemed to be in great 
 pain ; fo that it was with difficulty the eye could 
 be kept open for more than a few feconds at a 
 time : and I was obliged to watch favourable mo 
 ments for a diilincl: view of this tormentor. 
 
 A a 3 I be-
 
 r 374 ] 
 
 I believe the horfe was quite blind in that eye, 
 for it appeared as if all the humours were con 
 founded together, and that the worm had the 
 whole orb to range in ; which, however, was not 
 of a diameter fufficient for the worm to extend tp 
 its full length, as far as I could difcover. The 
 humours of the eye were beginning to grow opake, 
 like a chilled jelly, and foon afterwards became al 
 together fo, as I was informed. 
 
 As this is an uncommon circumftance, and may 
 affecl: fome philofophical doctrines, it is much to be 
 lamented, that the horfe had not been purchafed, 
 and the eye differed for better examination. 
 
 THAT there was a living, felf-moving worm in 
 the ball of this horfe's eye, free from all deception 
 or miftake, I am mod confident. How this worm 
 got there, or (if bred in fo remarkable a place) 
 where its parents came from, or how they con 
 trived to depofit their femen, or convey their egg 
 into the eye of an horfe, I leave for others ta 
 determine. 
 
 AN
 
 375 ] 
 
 PROPOSED TO MR. RITTENHOUSE, AND SOLVED BY HIM. 
 
 Philadelphia, March 16, 1785. 
 DEAR SIR,. 
 
 L TAKE liberty of requefting your attention to 
 the following problem in optics. It is, I believe, 
 entirely new, and the folution will afford amufe- 
 ment to you, and inftru&ion to me. 
 
 SITTING at ray door one evening laft fummer, 
 I took a filk handkerchief from my pocket, and 
 ftretching a portion of it lightly between my 
 two hands, I held it before my face, and viewed 
 through the handkerchief one of the flreet 
 lamps, which was about one hundred yards diflant, 
 expe&ing to fee the threads of the handkerchief 
 much magnified. Agreeably to my expe&ation, 
 I obferved the threads were magnified to the fize 
 of coarfe wires ; but was much furprifed to find, 
 that although I moved the handkerchief to the 
 right and left before my eyes, the dark bars did 
 not feem to move at all j but remained permanent 
 
 before
 
 before the eye. If the dark bars were occafioned 
 by the interpofition of the magnified threads be 
 tween the eye and the flame of the lamp, I fup- 
 pofed that they would move and fucceed each o- 
 ther as the threads were made to move and pafs 
 in fucceilion before the eye ; but the facl: was o- 
 therwife. 
 
 To account for this phenomenon, exceeds my 
 {kill in optics. You will be fo good as to make 
 the experiment ; and if you find the cafe truly 
 Hated, as I doubt not you will I fliall be much 
 obliged by a folution on philofophical principles. 
 
 I am, Sir, with all fincerity 
 Your affe&ionate friend, 
 And very humble fervant, 
 
 FRANCIS HOPKINSON. 
 
 David Rittenhoufe, Efq. 
 
 MR.
 
 C 377 1 
 
 MR. R.ITTE NHOV SE's ANSWER. 
 
 DEAR SIR, 
 
 X HE experiment you mention with a (ilk hand 
 kerchief, and the diftant flame of a lamp, is much 
 more curious than one would at firft imagine. For 
 the objeft we fee is not the web of the handker 
 chief magnified, but fomething very different, as 
 appears from the following confiderations. 
 
 i ft. A diftinft image of any objeft placed clofe 
 to the eye, cannot be formed by parallel rays or 
 fuch as ilTue from a diftant luminous point ; for all 
 fuch rays pafling through the 'pupil, will be col- 
 le&ed at the bottom of the eye, and there form 
 an image of the luminous point. The threads of 
 the handkerchief would only intercept part of the 
 rays, and render the image lefs brilliant. 
 
 2dly. If the crofs bars we fee were images of 
 the filk threads, they muft pafs over the retina, 
 whilft the threads are made to pafs over the pupil ; 
 
 but
 
 r 378 3 
 
 but this, as you obferve, does not happen for they 
 continue ftationary. 
 
 3<lly. IF the image on the retina was a pi&ure 
 of the objel before the eye, it muft be fine or 
 coarfe according to the texture of the handker 
 chief. But it does not change with changing the 
 filk, nor does it change on removing it farther 
 from the eye. And the number of the apparent 
 threads remains the fame, whether ten, twenty, 
 or thirty of the filk threads pafs acrofs the pupil at 
 the fame time. The image we fee muft, therefore, 
 be formed ic fome different manner ; and this can 
 be no other than by means of the inflexion of light 
 in paffing near the furfaccs of bodies as defcribed 
 by Newton. 
 
 IT is well known in optics, that different 
 images, of the different points of objects without 
 the eye, are formed on the retina by pencils of 
 rays, which before they fall on the eye are inclined 
 to each other in fehfible angles : and the great ufe 
 of telefcopes is to encreafe thefe angles regularly, 
 in a certain ratio, fuflering fuch rays as were pa 
 rallel before they enter the telefcope to proceed 
 on parallel after paffing through it. The ex 
 tended image which we fee in this experiment muft 
 therefore be formed by pencils of rays, which be- 
 2 fore
 
 [ 379 1 
 
 4bre they entered the eye, had very confiderablc 
 degrees of inclination with refpeft to each other. 
 But coming from a fmail diftant flame of a lamp, 
 they were nearly parallel before they patted 
 through the filsc handkerchief. It was therefore 
 the threads of filk which gave them fuch different 
 dire&ions. 
 
 BEFORE the filk is placed to the eye, parallel 
 rays of light will form a imgle lucid fpot as at A 
 
 in the figure, and this fpot will ftill be formed af 
 terwards by fuch rays as pafs through the little 
 meflies uninfluenced by the threads. But fuppofe 
 the perpendicular threads by their action on the rays 
 to bend a part of them one degree to the right and 
 left, another part two degrees ; there will now be 
 four images formed, two on each fide of the origi 
 nal one at A. By a iimilar aftion of the horizontal 
 threads, this line of five lucid fpots will be divid 
 ed
 
 L 380 ] 
 
 cd into five other lines, two above and two be 
 low, making a fquare of 25 bright fpots, fepara- 
 ted by four perpendicular dark lines and four 
 horizontal ones ; and thefe lucid fpots and dark 
 lines will not change their places on moving the 
 web of filk over the eye, parallel to any of its 
 threads. For the point of the retina on which the 
 image (hall fall, is determined by the incidence of 
 the rays with refpecl: to the axis of the eye, and 
 not by the part of the pupil through which they 
 pafs. 
 
 IN order to make my experiments with more 
 accuracy, I made a fquare of parallel hairs about 
 half an inch each way ; and to have them near 
 ly parallel and equidiftanr, I got a watch maker 
 to cut a very fine fcrew on two peices of fmall brafs 
 wire. In the threads of thefe fcrews, r 06 of which 
 made one inch, the hairs were laid, 50 or 60 in num 
 ber. Looking thro* thefe hairs at a fmall opening 
 in the window fhutter of a dark room, i-3o th of 
 an inch wide and three inches long, holding the 
 hairs parallel to the flit, and looking towards the 
 iky, I faw three parallel lines, almoft equal in 
 brightnefs, and on each fide, four or five much 
 fainter, and growing more faint coloured and in- 
 di(linl the further they were from the middle line, 
 
 which
 
 which I knew to be formed of fuch rays as pafs 
 between the hairs, uninfluenced by them. 
 
 THINKING my apparatus not fo perfeft as it 
 might be, I took out the hairs, and put in others, 
 fomething thicker ; of thefe 1 90 made one inch, 
 and therefore the fpaces between them were a- 
 bout the i-25o th part of an inch. The three mid 
 dle lines of light were no\r not fo bright as they 
 had been before, and the others were ftronger 
 and more diftinft ; and I could count fix on each 
 fide of the middle line feeming to be equally di- 
 ftant from each other, eftimating the diftance from 
 the centre of one to the centre of the next. The 
 middle line was ftill well defined and colourlefs, 
 the next two were likewife pretty well defined, 
 but fomething broader, having their inner edges 
 tinged with blue, and their outer edges with red : 
 the others were more indiitinft, and confifted each 
 of the prifmatic colours, in the fame order, which, 
 by fpreading more and more, feemcd to touch 
 each other at the fifth or fixth line, but thofe near- 
 eft the middle were feparated from each other 
 by very dark lines, much broader than the bright 
 lines. 
 
 FINDING the beam of light which came through 
 the window-fluuter divided into fo many diftincT: 
 
 pencils,
 
 pencils, I was defirous of knowing the angle* 
 which they made with each other. For this pur. 
 pofe 1 made ufe of a fmall prifmatic telefcope and 
 micrometer, with which I was favoured by Dr 
 Franklin. I faftened the frame of parallel hairs 
 before the objecl: glafs, fo as to cover its aperture 
 entirely : then looking through the telefcope, I 
 meafured the fpace between the two firft fide lines, 
 and found the angular diftance between their inner 
 edges to be 13' i$" ; from the middle of one to 
 the middle of the other 15' 30" ; and from the 
 outer edge of one to the outer edge of the other 
 if 45 7/ . In the firft cafe, I had a fine blue (break 
 in the middle of the objeft, and in the laft a red 
 ftreak. The other lines were too faint, when feen 
 through the telefcope to meafure the angles they 
 fubtended with accuracy ; but from fuch trials as 
 I made, I am fatisfied, that from the fecond line 
 on one fide, to the fecond on the other fide, and 
 fo on, they were double, triple, quadruple, &c. of 
 the firft angles. 
 
 IT appears then, that a very confiderable portion 
 of the beam of light pafled between the hairs with 
 out being at all bent out of its courfe ; that ano 
 ther fmaller portion was bent, at a medium, about 
 "/ 45" each way ; the red rays a little more, and 
 the blue rays a little lefs ; another dill fmaller por 
 tion
 
 tion ic' 30"; another 23' 15% and fo on. But 
 that no light, or next to none, was bent in any an 
 gle lefs than 6', nor any light of any particular 
 colour in any intermediate angle between thofc 
 which arife from doubling, tripling, &c. of the 
 angle in which it is bent in the firfl fide lines. 
 
 I was furprifed to find that the red rays are more 
 bent out of their firft direction, and the blue rays 
 lefs, as if the hairs afted with more force on the red 
 than on the blue rays ; contrary to what happens 
 by refraftion, when light pafles obliquely through 
 the common furface of two different mediums. It 
 is, however, confonant to what fir Ifaac Newton 
 obferves with refpeft to the fringes that border 
 the fhadows of hairs and other bodies ; his words 
 are " And, therefore, the hair, in caufing thefe 
 " fringes, afted alike upon the red light, or leafl 
 " refrangible rays, at a greater di (lance, and upon 
 " the violet or moft refrangible rays, at a lefs dif- 
 " tance ; and by thofe a&ions difpofed the red 
 " light into larger fringes, and the violet into final- 
 " ler fringes." 
 
 BY purfuing thefe experiments, it is probable 
 that new and interefting difcoveries may be made 
 refpecting the properties of this wonderful fub- 
 ftance, light ^ which animates all nature in the eyes 
 
 of
 
 C 384 1 
 
 of man, and perhaps, above all things, difpofes 
 him to acknowledge the Creator's bounty. But 
 want of leifure obliges me to quit the fubjeft for 
 the prefent. 
 
 I am, dear fir, 
 
 your affe&ionate friend, 
 
 and very humble fervant, 
 DAVID RITTENHOUSE. 
 
 Vide Am. Phil.Tranfaft. Vol. II. p. 201. 
 
 END OF VOLUME FIRST.
 
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