3991 A6LI42 1 1 ^s^ss *■ I I 1 ^^5^= -< 1 I 3 ^^^^= J> 1 ^^^= — 1 I 7 ^^^^sj -< 1 THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES OLD JOHN'S TALE, 9n frugutar $otm- OLD JOHN'S TALE; OR f^alf an flour's Amusement TO THE NOT TOO DIFFICULT TO PLEASE. &n irregular ^oem. BY A LADY. CHEEBFUXLY DEDICATED TO THE GOOD-HATUKED. I'd have you laugh ; Perhaps you may weep; But prayi good friends, Don't go to sleep. Pontoon : Printed by S. M'Dowall, Leadenhall Street, FOR THE AUTHOR; AND PUBLISHED BY E. BISBY & M. SIMPSON, DONCASTER. 1819. PR SUBSCRIBERS. A. Aldam, Mrs. Warmsworth, 3 Copies. Alott, Captain, Hague Hall. Almond, Rev. R. W. Nottingham. Almond, Mrs. Nottingham. Armstead, Miss, Hull. Armstead, Miss A. Hull. Atkinson, Mr. R. Hatfield, 2 Copies. Atkinson, Miss, Hatfield, 3 Copies. Aynsley, Mr. J. M. Retford, 2 Copies. B. Bancroft, Miss, London, 2 Copies. Barber, Mr. J. Lambsclose. Barker, Mrs. J. Retford, 2 Copies. Barker, Mrs. J. London, 2 Copies. Barnard, Miss, Bawtry. Baulgey, Mr. Nottingham. Beastall, Miss, BulweU. A. 824319 SUBSCRIBERS. Beaumont, Rev. T. Bridgeford on the Hill. Beckett, Mrs. Doncaster. Beckett, Mr. Thorne. Beckett, Mrs. Thorne. Benson, Mrs. Thorne, 2 Copies. Benson, Mr. J. Thorne. Benson, Mrs. J. Thorne. Benson, Mr. H. Hatfield Woodhouse. Best, Dr. Bulwell. Best, Captain, Bulwell. Best, Miss Bulwell. Bigshy, Rev. T. Nottingham. Bigsby, Mrs. Retford. Bishop, Mr. E. Sheffield. Boote, Mrs. Nottingham. Boote, Miss Nottingham. Boothe, Mrs. Bower, Mr. Tickill. Bownes, Mrs. Bagthorpe House. Boyle, Mr. Hull. Brewerton, Mr. Le Gay, Bawtry. Britton, Mr. Norton Lees, 2 Copies. Britton, Miss, Norton Lees. Britton, Miss H. Norton Lees. Brooke A Mrs. Doncaster. Brookfield, Mr. Sheffield, 3 Copies. Brown, Mrs. Sheffield. Brown, Mrs. Cobhaui. SUBSCRIBERS. Brownell, Mrs. Newfield House. Buchanon, Mrs. Everton. Byron, Hon. Mrs. Nottingham. Byron, Captain, Nottingham. C. Caldwell, Mr. Sheffield. Cartwright, Mr. Bawtry. Cartwright, Miss A. Bawtry. Carver, Mr. Sheffield. Cave, Lady Brown, Stretton Hall, 2 Copies. Cavie, Mr. Balby. Chadwick, Captain, Hatfield. Chadwick, Mrs. Hatfield. Chapman, Rev. L. Nottingham. Charley, Dr. Green House. Cheales, Mrs. Retford. Child, Miss, Garthorpe. Clark, Mrs. Cusworth. Clarke, Miss, Retford. Coates, Miss. Ripon. Cole, Mrs. Hunter's Street Collison, Mrs. Beltoft. Cooke, Miss, Wheatley. Cooke, Rev. A. Loversall Hall. Copley, Mrs. Netherhall. Cullen, Mr. Nottingham. A 2 SUBSCRIBERS. Curties, Miss, London, 2 Copies. D. Davison, Mrs. Bishop Wearmouth. Deaken, Mrs. Bagthorpe House. Deaken, Miss, Bagthorpe House. Dennison, Mrs. Doncaster. Denny, Mr. T. Church Hill, Ireland. Denny, Mr. A. Manor House, Herts. Dickson, Mrs. Norton. Downes, Rev. W. Harworth. Downes, Mrs. Harworth. E. Edmonds, Mrs. 0. Warmsworth Hall. Elliott, Mrs. Gedling House. Ellison, Mrs. Doncaster. F, Falconer, Miss, Doncaster. Felix, Rev. D. Bloomsbury. Fenton, Miss I. Doncaster. Fenton, Rev. G. Doncaster. Ferrand, Mrs. Day Brook. 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Hatfield, Mr. J. Sheffield. Hays, Mr. W. Hinckley. Heaton, Mrs. "W. B. Gainsborough. Hepworth, Mrs. Bulwell. Hepworth, Miss, Barnby-Dun. Herbert, Rev. W. Bulwell. Hickson, Miss, Gringley. Higgins, Mrs. Doncaster. Hilton, Miss, Norton. Hodgson, Mrs. Doncaster. Hodgson, Mr. Highfield, 2 Copies. Holland, Captain, Hans Place. Holmes, Mr. Retford. SUBSCRIBERS. Holmes, Mrs. Retford. Holmes, Miss, Retford. Holt, Miss, Norton. Holy, Miss M. Sheffield. Holy, Miss A. Sheffield. Horsfall, Miss A. Hopkinson, Miss, Doncaster. Hoskins, Rev. Mr. Basford. Hume, Mrs. Bawtry. Hydes, Rev. Mr. Greasley. Inchbald, Dr. Doncaster. Jackson, Mrs. Doncaster. Jackson, Mrs. Hucknal Tarkard. Jackson, Mrs. Retford. James, Miss, Doncaster. Jamson, Mrs. Burton Joice. Jenkins, Mrs. Hatfield, 3 Copies. Jephson, Mrs. Darley Hall, 2 Copies. Johnson, Mr. Temple, Bellwood. Johnson, Miss, Stoke Golding, 2 Copies. Johnson, Mrs. Crowle. Jones, William, Esq. North End. Jones, Miss, North End. K. Kirke, Mrs. Retford. SUBSCRIBERS. Knight, Dr. Sheffield. L. A Lady, Doncaster. A Lady, Doncaster. A Lady, Doncaster. Launder, Miss, Nottingham. Leader, Mrs. W. Moor End. Leader, Miss, Highfield. Lee, Mr. Retford. Lee, Mrs. Retford. Lister, Mrs. Doncaster. Littlewood, Mrs. Armthorpe, 2 Copies. Loxley, Miss, Norton. Loxley, Miss F. Sprosborough. Lumley, Hon. Mrs. F. Tickill Castle. M. M'Dowall, Mrs. Esher. Maddox, Mr. Nottingham. Magill, Mrs. Doncaster. Maples, Mr. Thorne, 2 Copies. Mason, Mr. Doncaster. Massey, Mrs. Hatfield Manor. Maw, Mr. Belle Vue. May, Mrs. Tickill. Mayo, Dr. Doncaster. SUBSCRIBERS. Mayo, Mrs. Doncaster. Mee, Mrs. Retford, 2 Copies. Melville, Mrs. Nottingham. Middleton, Mrs. Hatfield. Milnes, Mrs. Basford. Moore, Mrs. Doncaster. Moore, Miss, Doncaster. Mould, Mrs. Retford. Murphy, Mr. Doncaster, 2 Copies. N. Nova Scotia, the Honourable and Right Reverend the Lord Bishop of, 3 Copies. Needham, Mr. J. Hinckley. Nevill, Miss, Conisborough. Newbould, Mrs. Highfield, 2 Copies. Newbould, Miss, Highfield. Newbould, Mr. Bridgfield, 2 Copies. Newbould, Miss, Bridgfield. Newbould, Miss A. Bridgfield. Newbould, Mr. J. Southend, 2 Copies. Newbould, Mrs. J. Southend. Newbould, Miss H. C. Southend. Newbould, Mr. H. Sharrow Bank, 2 Copies. Newbould, Mrs. H. Sharrow Bank, 2 Copies. Newman, Mrs. Darley Hall, 2 Copies. Newton, Mr. Bulwell House. SUBSCRIBERS. Nixon, Rev. C. Nuthall, 2 Copies. Nixon, Mrs. Nuthall, 2 Copies. Norton, Mr. Elton. Norton, Mrs. Elton. Nottingham, Mrs. Retford, 2 Copies. O. Otter, Miss, Everton. Otter, Mr. R. D. Everton. Otter, Mr. F. Everton. Outram, Miss, Sheffield. P. Padley, Mrs. Burton Joiee. Padley, Miss, Burton Joice. Parker, Mrs. Wilsie. Parkyns, Miss, Nottingham. Pasmore, Mrs. Everton. Pearson, Miss, Doncaster. Peat, Mrs. Doncaster. Pemberton, Miss, Gough House, Chelsea. Pennington, Dr. Nottingham. Pennington, Mrs. Nottingham. Pickering, Mrs. Nottingham. Pilkington, Lady, Doncaster. Pilkington, Mr. Hatfield. Pilkington, Mrs. Hatfield. 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Sharpe, Mrs. Doncaster, 2 Copies. Sheppard, Mr. Doncaster. Sherbroke, Mrs. Oxon. Short, Mrs. Edlington Grove. Simpson, Mrs. Worksop. Simpson, Miss, Adwick. Smeaton, Mrs. Hatfield. Smith, Miss, Retford. Sorby, Mrs. E. Button Hall. Sotheror, Mrs. C. Doncaster. Spurr, Mrs. Doncaster, 2 Copies. Spurr, Mr. H. Doncaster. Spurr, Mrs. Highfield. Steer, Mr. Doncaster. Steer, Mrs. Doncaster. Standish, Miss, Doncaster. Stanhope, Mr. Conisborough. SUBSCRIBERS. Stapleton, Mrs. Basford. Stanser, Miss, Doncaster. Stanser, Lieut-Colonel, Woolwich, 2 Copies. Stringer, Mr. J. Doncaster. Swallow & Brown, Messrs. Doncaster. Swan, Miss. T. Territt, Dr. Chiltern Hall. Tew, Mr. Bawtry. Thackrey, Mrs. Hatfield. Thorpe, Mrs. Doncaster. Toll, Mrs. Sharrow Head. Topham, Major, Doncaster. TunnerclifF, Mrs. Hartshorn. Turton, Mrs. Hatfield. Twells, Mrs. Nottingham. Tyas, Mrs. Doncaster. V. Vale, Rev. W. H. Sheffield, 4 Copies. Vasasowe, Mrs. Doncaster. W. Walker, Mrs. G. Doncaster. SUBSCRIBERS. Walker, Mrs. Warmsworth, 2 Copies. Walker, Miss, Mansfield. Walton, Mrs. Doncaster. Walton, Miss F. Doncaster. Ward, Miss, Doncaster. Ward, Miss, Hinckley. Ward, Miss E. Hinckley. Ward, Mr. T. A. Park House. Ward, Mr. Sheffield. Ward, Mr. S. B. Mount Pleasant. Warren, Miss, Doncaster. Warren, Miss S. Doncaster. Warsop, Mrs. Doncaster. Warsop, Mr. Howden. Watson, Mr. Sheffield, 2 Copies. Watson, Mr. J. Shirecliff Hall, 2 Copies. Watson, Mrs. J. Shirecliff Hall, 2 Copies. Watwood, Missj Higham. Webster, Mrs. Balby, 3 Copies. White, Mrs. Doncaster. White, Mr. W. A. M. Sheffield. Wigginton, Mrs. Retford. Wilkinson, Miss, Armthorpe. Wilkinson, Mrs. Sheffield. Wilson, Mr. Westbrook House. Wilson, Mr. Sharrow Mills. Wilson, Mr. Clifford. Winter, Mrs. Goodcop. SUBSCRIBERS. Woodcock, Mrs. Doncaster, 2 Copies. Woodyear, Mr. Crookhill. Wragsdell, Mrs. Basford. Wright, Mr. Bawtry. Wright, Mrs. Bawtry. Wright, Miss, Bulwell. Y. Youle, Rev. E. Retford. Youles, Miss, Retford, 2 Copies. OILB JOHN'S TAJLE. MASTER. ^j OW you and I are trotting on, Can you tell me, my good old John, How many years, this very day, Since you and I first went away From this our native place ? JOHN. Why, Sir, 'tis forty I may say, For sure it wants but one more day Till you are sixty quite. You twenty were when first you said, " Jack, you and I must earn our bread:— " The best thing, both for you and me, " Will be to set off for the sea; " Our fortunes make on foreign shore, " Or see our native place no more." — Now what has happen'd, proves you knew What was the best for us to do; And as we homeward bend our way, I'm thinking what our friends will say ■ OLD JOHN S TALE. To see us both in such high glee, And perhaps not know you or me,— You went away without a care; Your parents both were dead that year. You sweetheart had none, but with me It was a different thing, d'ye see : I left a girl, so very rare, Though she was brown, I call'd her fair. — As past the last house we did come, (You know your Honour thought 'twas home] I stopp'd to ask where she might be, And what d'ye think they told to me ? — " The girl you left with eyes and hair, " To which the sloes you might compare, " Is grown, alas ! so very grey, " She's gone to scare the crows away."— They said she'd dimples left a few, Which favour'd still of merry Sue; That smiles around her face still shone, But those bright sable locks were gone. — I scratch'd my own grey head awhile ; I try'd, but yet I could not smile ; And, Sir, I found grey-headed Sue Had nothing with my love to do. 'Tis better that you love had none, Than that your love should all be gone old John's tale. 3 With youthful grace, which will not stay, Till you come back from far away ; 'Tis better that you love had none, Than prove false-hearted, like old John. } This was not all, as you shall hear, For her own self I met, I swear, And ne'er found out I'd call'd her fair. As off your horse you got, to go To some old spot you once did know, I took th' example, and bestrode Up to that still well-known old road, Where Sue and I have sat awhile, Where I've told tales that made her smile ; And there I saw, just passing by, A woman with a sunken eye; Grey hair, comb'd plain — no ringlets gay— A hat and cloak, which seem'd to say— " These are the marks of poverty ; " The world has not gone well with me." She stopp'd, and lifted up her head — " Man, I have toil'd all day for bread !— " You seem well off, but weary are ; " You look as if you came from far : " With me go home — you'll welcome be " To share the best you there may see. b 2 OLD JOHN S TALE. " I children have. My husband's dead ! " A widow's coif surrounds my head ! " I struggle hard ! My children see— " You'll find they're well brought up by me ; " And every one that will speak true, " Will speak in praise of Widow Sue." I went and saw, — and could but cry, To see how faithful — she and I ! She swore she'd love me, aye, as long As I should be her handsome John ; And I, without much more ado, Swore constant love for pretty Sue ! And see us now — both old and grey, And not at all to love a prey. We had each other quite forgot, And each had drawn a different lot. I left her young, to search for wealth ; With me she lost some years of health ; Then came her husband, constant friend ! His was true love — love not to end — Steady and firm ; — her hair turn'd grey, Yet turn'd it not his love away ! I told her who I was — she look'd with dread : She thought, she said, I had been dead. old John's tale. 5 And so I was to her. — I stole away, Nor said that I would come another day, Nor thought much of her — till this spot Told me she could not be forgot. Nor should she now, tho' love was flown With her dark locks; — which, had they shone With former brightness, perhaps had now The same effect as hitherto : But all these things had now gone by; — Old men should not, as young men, lie. I've got my share of worldly pelf; 'Tis more than I shall use myself. Half should be her's, and poor old John Wou'd sink into the grave ere long. Let roamers not expect to find Women keep young, they leave behind; But their own faces often view, And know that time will still tell true; Nor think they've power to break the heart, From which-jfrwith carelessness they part; Nor think the love which goes with youth, Is love that can be called truth; Nor yet imagine, had old John Marry 'd poor Sue — he'd loved her long: OLD JOHNS TALE. No, when black eyes and hair prevail, Think that your lover tells some tale, That will hold good perhaps as long As this that's told by poor old John. MASTER, I'll tell you what, my trusty squire, Tho' I your logic much admire, 1 wonder at that wit in you, Which of what's false, can make what's true ; But had your mistress still been young, Your own grey hairs had been unsung ; And then how apt my age you told, Forgetting quite you were as old! Then why find fault with honest Sue, Since time has done the same by you ? You went with me — young blithsome Jack ; Sturdy old John — you have come back ! Through threescore years I've view'd this lift I'm not like you — I want a wife ; And sha'n't want long: — my love's not grey; In ten years more perhaps she may. You've spoke of Sue : — I'm not afraid To paint my modest blue-eyed maid : My thought has been, up from my youth, Black eyes shine tales — blue eyes beam truth. OLD JOHNS TALE. Ws>t JWasttr's tEale. A little girl I met, before I left the land : Her guide was sure — she held her mother's hand ! That hand uplifted oft, to pray That little girl might never stray. I left them then, but in my mind That little girl I often find. I've seen her since; seven years gone by, Again I met her beauteous eye : She pass'd alone — none held her hand— A stranger in a foreign land. The tear that trembled in that eye, The breast that heaved that piteous sigh, Told me that sorrow then dwelt there- Told me I heard an orphan's pray'r; And when she ask'd the wished relief, She told a story full of grief! But, honest John, 'tis not to you I tell a tale — that's never new — How selfish man in every clime Pursues, uncheck'd, an odious crime ! — 8 old John's tale. How unprotected and alone ! — But some men's hearts are made of stone. Think not this blossom fell a prey ; — I snatch'd her from such harm away, And in a Convent's safe retreat I placed her — soon again to meet Her dearest friend ; for 'twas myself ! I left her all my worldly pelf — I left her there till I might claim Her by a guardian husband's name ! — I'll claim her now — my house will be, With her my wife, the world to me ! — Go, John, and haste, and put all right — My bride sleeps at this inn to-night ! And rambling Dick — the orphan lad, Will make his native village glad. But look ! what from that chaise in white Casts all around a gentle light ! — 'Tis she herself! my love so pure ! — What heart to blast her could endure ? Who seek such innocence to taint ? — Oh, that man's crimes I could not paint ! — Come then, my spotless, cheerful wife ! Come, end with me thy various life ! OLD JOHNS TALE. Come, let Affection point the way — Friendship, Esteem, let all bear sway ! — I loved you from your infancy — Let that plead for your love to me ! Our love is fix'd — we are not young Now, John, my love seems just begun. JOHN. Why, yes, your Honour, I have seen Your love — she looks some noble Queen, And should be loved as such : — while I Loved but a girl for her black eye, And could not keep such constancy. } Beside, for to prevent all change. You left her not abroad to range ; Had I as closely kept my Sue, I'm sure she would have proved as true : But what had then become of me, If I'd no mind — to married be ? Your love is younger much than you ; That's not the case with grey-hair'd Sue. But, Master, who is that poor man? — Him I must help — I'm glad I can. — " Friend, what's the matter with your leg? " Friend, what's the matter that you beg?" 10 old john's tale. 2H)e Sbottrier's &torg. Are you a sailor, and a soldier ask? — Know, then, I've now the arduous task Of toiling thro' this tedious life. I've lost my limb, my health, my all, And I was journeying — till this fall, To find a faithful wife ! But who's that lady ? — Still so fair, One only with her could compare: To find that one I'm bent ! She has her grace, her very air — All but her look of anxious care — That lady looks content ! Wbt Ha&p> &torg. Soldier ! whoe'er you are, behold A daughter of a soldier lost ! He went away in search of gold, But on the world his wife was tost. old John's tale. 11 He left us plenty — all he had! 'Twas held in trust for me: The man who robb'd us, was so bad — From him we had to flee. To tell the rest — how shall I dare? Death seized my mother's spirit mild ! Oh that your wife my mother were ! Then, then I'd be your child. Docine, the name I ever bore — My mother had that name before. THE SOLDIER. Then to thy father's arms, my darling, come ! Thy mother sleeps beneath the sod ! Her loss the heaviest of my heavy doom!— But we must bend beneath the will of God. THE LADY. Father, let me to you disclose My fate, now join'd with one, who ever In all my troubles, all that I did lose, To rend my heart, or curse my fate, went never. Father, he was my guardian and my friend : No power on earth can now us sever ! 12 old john's tale. THE SOLDIER. Daughter, I know the man — The soldier knows the brave, The just, the good ! The shorten'd span Spared to me from the grave, Will pass with you in sweet seclusion ; And by your side, in safety and content, There undisturb'd by war, and its delusion, Our oaks shall shew what laurels only meant. And as to you, old friend, who help'd me up — Help'd me to see such joy as now I see, With me you oft shall sit and take a cup, To wish all soldiers may as happy be. v\%%^%%%\%%%« ®fy Jttafc ©t'rl. Oh, wild is that cry ! What a terrible sound ! — Oh mercy! Oh help me! He bears me away ! old John's tale. 13 My love, my own true love, Lies on the cold ground ! 'Tis only to him that You shall me convey. Oh, see that poor girl, How she raves in distraction! Oh, what a sad tale Is her's for to tell! She dwelt in the hamlet; — But in the last action, The youth to whom plighted, He fought, and he fell ! And think not that Lucy Could hear but with madness, That her true-hearted youth, Her Edwy was slain !— And now that her father, Pursues her in sadness, His daughter will never Be happy again. — Now, father, go seek out Her wealthy admirer- Go, bid him make ready His jewels so gay : 14 old John's tale. And see, foolish parent ! Ye wealth's proud aspirer ! How in dust and in ashes Your -futile schemes lay ! Go, bind that poor frenzied head, Fast round with precious stones — Go, bind up her tresses, And deck her so gay: Go, drag her a victim, Nor heed her sad piteous moans, And death will soon close up Your child's bridal day. — But see, how the neighbours, And all round befriend her ! Nor yet can you drag her Or force her away; And hear that harsh scream, 'Tis the last — it will end her ! She dies, and now, parent, Now weep o'er her clay! old John's tale. 15 Wqz 3&tcf) Hncle. But see that great man ! How he lolls in his chariot ! Surely that's not the uncle Of Edwy, the brave — He who died on the cold ground 'Mong many poor sufF'rers, Without one friendly tear To bedew his sad grave ! Oh honour ! Oh glory ! 'Midst riot and bloodshed, Is it there that thy laurels So green will be found? Rather look to the sand-grave Of many a victim, And hope that the green grass Will flourish around. Oh, how have I felt When the drum has been sounding, i'o see the land-soldiers All grinning around, 16 old john's tale. When the beat calls to mess, Where the dinner is smoking— When the drum beats for numbers To bleed on the ground ! Ye Volunteer Corps ! Who talk but of battle- Say, where would your laugh be, If far from your home? — Ye would then fear the sound Of your hollow drum beating; Think then of the many Fate urges to roam ! But where's this great uncle, With all his gay riches ? Could nothing be spared To give to the poor? The poor of his clan too, His own brother's children ! The poor, friendless Edwy He'll never see more ! Oh, had he but heard The last sigh of the lover, That heart, which seems cased up In marble or stone, old john's tale. 17 Must have melted, and dropt As the manna from heav'n, Nor then had the fair one Been left thus to mourn. Now see the sad mischief Such av'rice produces ;— - Are riches thus given For our use alone ? No ! various and active, And free are their uses — We are all flesh of one flesh — All bone of one bone. But send the man home, Where his downy couch waits him ; Though he cannot disturb The sleep that sleeps here ; The damsel has many That long will bewail her ; We want not to force out His hard-hearted tear. 18 old John's tale. (Old John grown frisky.) " Hurly-burly, wiggum-worly ! " Here's a dance of fairies ! " There's pass'd an Act o' Parliament " To call all Mollys*— Marys. " And now, good Sir," says poor old John, " As I with these can prance along, ** Pray let me now go back, ." And from the name of sturdy John, " To change to blithsome Jack." MASTER. Well, John, you've done so well for me, And keep my wedding with such glee, I plainly see how 'tis with you, A youthful wife you have in view. Take care that when you've got a fairy — A Molly turned into a Mary, She — does not then go back; And you'll then find she will ere long, Change you into old foolish John, Instead of blithsome Jack. s • And to complete your am'rous folly, You'll find your Mary quite a — Molly. OLD JOHNS TALE. 19 But, John, leave off such gamesome tricks, And 'fore such random thoughts you fix, Come, come along, and follow me, And let these foolish Mollys be ; So now, to feed each hungry sinner, Go, let the cook — provide a dinner. But, John, take care, for I assure ye, A cook, when cooking, is a fury ; And when there's so much roast and boil'd, 'Tis hard to mind that none be spoil'd. Roast beef will suit the men and me, But women like some fricasee Of chicken, or of rabbit tender — Now, John, this fricasee— remember ! But haste away ! to Church we're going — The Clergyman's at distance bowing : His pious admonitions tend, Of bitter foe to make a friend. 'Tis my old friend of early youth — He taught me first to speak the truth ; For, John, when I thought none were by, I, to excuse me, told some lie : But this man cured my reigning evil- He said all lies came from the devil ; And all his doctrines well became One who to godliness laid claim : c 8 20 old John's tale. He cured me then of every ill, Taught me to bend my stubborn will. JOHN. Aye, Sir, if marry'd folks speak true, You'll still that precept keep in view. Your lady seems of gentle mind, Yet still she is of woman-kind, And you will find, though once so stubborn, That will of yours she soon will govern ; And what the good man told to you In theory, practice will prove true. MASTER. We must not keep the lady waiting, While these said rules we are debating ; 'Tis best to give up when we can ; To do more, is not meant for man. JOHN. Now, Sir, you're married, be content ; My wish shall be, you'll not repent. I was obliged to turn away, When your wife said she would obey; She might as well have turn'd to sneeze, For women will do as they please. old John's tale. 21 Young Willy Dobb took him a wife : I think she'll plague him out of life. She has his share — she's all the wit ; Poor Willy's left — without a bit. She's always trying him to vex ; Her very words do him perplex ; And then she says — " My darling Bill ! " 'Tis all to please my own dear Will !"— — 'Tis well your Honour's name is Dick ; Your wife can't play such witty trick : But sure your Worship's got a woman With looks so mild, they look — uncommon. ®6e (Orphan 23og. But who are you, my little lad, That nothing seem to be but rag ? BOY. These clothes the last my mother gave ; Another week I saw her grave ! 22 old John's tale. 'Tis two years since ; none gave me more- No wonder that I'm tatter'd o'er. . I'm what they call an orphan lad ; Sure that's a name for all that's bad ! I ran away from workhouse whip ; I gave the parish scourge the slip ; And left a dozen children more, Whose backs had smarted o'er and o'er ; Since then I've begg'd, and barely live ; But bread without a curse they give. Had workhouse morals been kept pure, Such hardships we should not endure. The matron should be chose so mild — The parent she of .'every child. — You can employ me, if you chuse ; Your kindness I will not abuse / But on me beam a friendly eye- To do my utmost I will try : In your new house now let me come, And all I can do, shall be done. MASTER Is my house ready, John, for me ? — How things are changed since first to sea We went ! — The beds are now so high, That in them I dare hardly lie ; old John's tale. 23 To fall out sure would break my leg ; Lower my birth, dear friends, I beg. (John out of Humour.) JOHN. Why, what's to sit on in the hall, When I sat down, gave me a fall. It is not well in me to grumble, But, Sir, I think they're made to tumble ; And sure old John would just as soon Sit in your lady's drawing room, And chairs, made but of yellow stick, Will serve your Honour some such trick. Now, Sir, for you it is not right To order things so very light; If I presume to think you wrong, You quite forgot your weighty John. MASTER. Why, John, indeed I think this tumble Has made you cross enough to grumble. But do not, friend, be in a passion — Can I o'errule the present fashion? If things are made not over-strong, Why think your master in the wrong? OLD JOHN S TALE. But take this little boy with you, And teach him what he has to do. JOHN. Come, little boy, come haste along; Sit down — you're lighter than old John; And that this day you never rue, Depends, my little friend, on you. Tho' light, you bring a heavy heart; Your first task be — from that to part. Act well, my boy, and soon you'll see Your body will the heaviest be. But as for me, 'fore I sit down On things that perhaps may crack my crown, Into the garret I will go, And fetch a seat won't serve me so— A chair that long has stood the test, And proves that old friends are the best. John's Hecture. You'll have to feed the pigs and hogs, To clean up knives, take care of dogs, old John's tale. 25 To brush the shoes up — make them bright, (Nay do not, boy, be in a fright), We all of us must something do— We must be good and useful too. And never mind, though sometimes cook Will now and then but crossish look; Her's is the place of greatest trust- She has the care of every crust; But never mind — she gives us plenty: Have more than that, 'twould not content ye. And at the end of every day, To God, your Maker, thankful pray ; And every morning, when you rise, Request his power to make you wise. For, child, believe me, many stray, Who ask not God to teach the way; And if you keep him still your friend, Then this day's luck will never end. I need not say, when call'd by master, If fast you run, then still run faster : The heart not sway'd by gratitude, Is made of something very rude, And rough, and wrong, and brings a curse, And of what's bad will still make worse. So now you know which is the way To stay here, if you wish to stay; 26 old John's tale. And if you never idle be, ' A friend you'll ever find in me : Then be as happy as you can, And grow a steady, useful man. You look, though now in rags you seem, As if you wish'd to keep you clean ; Though these your clothes could not be hurt, I see you careful are of dirt ; And never saw I lad before, So clean, so ragged, and so poor : For mostly many, to their hurt, If clothes are old, care not for dirt: Let them come here, and see in you, Which is the best plan to pursue. To-morrow is our rest — 'tis Sunday— You'll not begin your work till Monday ; So now, my boy, you go to bed ; This night — a pillow props your head : 'Tis long since you'd the luxury Upon such pleasant bed to be. You'll have no more in barn to creep, And not know when or where to sleep ; And now you safely may repose, Nor fear the rats will gnaw your toes ; For well I know what is such sleeping, When rats and mice are round us creeping : old John's tale. 27 Of that I've had more than my share ; But now 'tis over, I don't care. 'Tis better luck than some who travel — You'd better sleep on straw than gravel ; And 'tis to sleep just like an ass, To lay upon a bit of grass. Besides, a lady once I saw, And folks said she'd been in the straw : So logic and good argument Will make us wise ones quite content, And of what's bad, and nought but trouble, If you give way, you make it double. TOnftg Sbtmfcag at f^ome- MASTER. This Sunday sets in rainy weather: John, call my servants all together. God grant me grace, and give me skill, To teach these lowly ones thy will ! And now, my friends, as we assemble Before his throne, who makes all tremble,, } OLD JOHN S TALE. Let us his justice keep in view; Yet not forget his mercy too. Let us avoid all sinful ways- Let us our voices humbly raise- To all the Three in One give praise. He who, in justice, spoke our doom- He who, in mercy, sent his Son— And He who sent the Holy Ghost, Of every grateful soul the boast— His justice — mercy — influence Clearly reveal'd to human sense— O God! in pity, grant that I May see thee with a faithful eye, And not in mazy wild be lost, While on this earthly ball I'm tost — Too humble still, too weak to see, Or search out all thy mystery: But where I cannot know my God, Submissive wait — until his nod Calls me from this, to know him there, Where to our view all will be clear. When in the dust we sleep in thee, O Death ! where is thy victory ? We wait to mount on seraph's wing ! O dreaded grave ! — then — where's thy sting ? old John's tale. 29 And now attend, and humbly hear, How you for heaven must prepare, And to these precepts have regard — Think well upon the great reward ; Make God above your constant friend- On earthly things do not depend. Parap&rase of $salm xb. Lord ! who with thee would wish to dwell, Or rest upon thy holy hill, Must lead an uncorrupted life, And carefully avoid all strife;— Must speak the truth quite from his heart, And act no mean, deceitful part, Nor to his neighbour do a wrong, Nor hurt him by a sland'rous tongue ;—- Must not think much upon himself, But lowly be 'midst all his wealth, Make much of those who fear the Lord, Who do his will, and preach his word; — When to his neighbour he doth swear, Must not run back for any fear, 30 old John's tale. No, though it were to his own cost, Though all his worldly good were lost. He that to usury hath not given The money only lent from heaven, And hath not taken rich reward, The innocent not to regard — For sure that man must bring a curse, Who to such bribes holds forth his purse : The man who does, and keeps these laws. Shall of his God gain sweet applause, And when his heavenly word shakes all, Who doeth these, shall never fall. By this, my friends, you plainly see Of all that's good th' epitome. From these clear rules, Oh, never stray — My blessing is — you never may. May God look down upon this hour, And strength'ning grace upon you pour, And may your master keep in view, The saving rules he shews to you ! And you, my dear, go round, and see What our poor neighbours' wants may be ; old John's tale. 31 For some, when we our beef are carving, If we don't care, perhaps may be starving. The times are hard for village throng — You'll find out all their wants ere long. Some want advice, and some want meat, And some have e'en not bread to eat; And I am glad I've got a wife That can rejoice a poor man's life. Then go along — go round, and see, And lighten all their misery: That I am rich, the poor shall know, But not by ostentatious show. LADY. What I was told by Sister Frances, And what I learnt from old Romances, When in the Convent I did dwell, With your advice, I'll copy well. They each told me how many a fair, For heaven their bodies did prepare — Some by good works, and some by pray I've heard that many a Catholic Took care to visit those who're sick; But there's a difference, Sir, I find — Of Catholics there are two kind. I've heard there was a time when no man, Could doubt the honour of a Roman ; ,} 32 old John's tale. When these together do combine, What they then are, I can't define. And, Sir, I think there's many tricks Play'd by those Roman Catholics. 1 should be sorry those to trust Who think to bribe their God with dust : But some are good, I must allow — Not all their knees to Belial bow : I'll therefore copy what is good : 'Tis surely only right I should. (John in Dismay.) And now my master is not ill, Are these men come to make his will ! — An ugly noisy race of things, With human shapes, and scorpion stings ! I should not like at all to trust To those who bite of every crust; Whose nasty snarling trade runs free, When all their neighbours disagree. (Master in Amaze.) Why, John — why, John, what is the matter ? I never yet heard so much clatter ! OLD JOHN S TALE. JOHN. 'Tis only that old cat of mine, Wish'd on your Honour's beef to dine; She's only broke a dish or two— A thing that any one might do. (Explanatory Excuse.) The beef was twirling on the spit — The cat thought she should like a bit. To taste a bit could she think harm in ? The plates and dishes all were warming. No wonder that she jump'd away; Where all was hot, pray who could stay ? I'll stake my life that puss will not Meddle again with what is hot. MASTER. Well, John, I think you've very pat Excuses made for this old cat ; But as she seems so fond of beef, And what she's done, proves her a thief, I think the cook had best be told To keep Miss Puss from what is cold. D 34 old John's tale. 'T would do some good e'en to this nation, From some to put away temptation. MASTER. Now, John, I've married been a year, And that I don't repent, I swear ! JOHN. Well, Sir, and if I'm not mistaken, Sure you might claim the flitch of bacon. You may have many an angry word — To scold his wife who would be heard ? E'en frowns give way before a third: So pray be sure before you go ; For some this way have fail'd, I know. : MASTER. No, John ; though this may some surprise, My wife and I wear no disguise; We are as happy as we can — We know that life is but a span. In heaven what man can have a birth, Who won't let women rest on earth ? If man o'er woman bear the rule, 'Tis but in things that make a fool. old John's tale. 35 What's right, is plain to human sense — The rest, all folly and pretence. Some men who scarce themselves can guide, Would put a bridle on their bride, And pull with all their force ; but yet Take care the bride don't slip the bit. &Q"bta to i^usuanirs. The man who wishes love from wife, Must not the bane be of her life. Who made the man, the woman made He'll give the faithful wife his aid ; And never think, O foolish man ! Harsh and severe the better plan. Look at my wife — she smiles on me ; May on that face such smiles e'er be ! The husband cross I will disown ; Can cruel man on woman frown ? They have enough for us to bear, Then why increase each anxious care? d 2 36 old John's tale. I'm glad my travels fill'd my head With better thoughts before I wed. Dear wife, I'll ever keep in view, That God entrusted me with you. This life with you shall easy pass : I'll not forget that man's but grass, So quickly mown, so soon cut down, That he can't call this hour his own : The wicked are consumed as stubble, The bad ones that the better trouble. 'Tis not an action of the brave To dig for wife an early grave. — Look at my neighbour, at his wife, Could post-horse lead a harder life ? That man deserves to hanged be, Who causes such sad misery. Whate'er she does, he calls it sin ; All say she's better far than him : Though what she is, how can we know ? For what she is, she scarce dare show. To lead the life she'll ever lead, Must be a lingering death indeed. How can he hear each heartfelt sigh, And still forget that she might die? — But when she hastens to the skies, He then must feel his victim dies • old John's tale. 37 If she's to live just by his rule, No wonder that she's thought a fool. If I think right, I think, ere long, He'll find she'll not be work'd upon. The man's a surly drunken creature, Harsh and severe each bloated feature. Does he expect his wife to see In all the world but only he ? Can he her conduct bring to view, Or say that this poor soul's untrue ? She feels above the reach of hurt, — Let this man sputter forth his dirt ! The more he causes her to fret, The less this life she will regret. — Then dig, each friend, her peaceful grave, Nor seek her drooping frame to save. — But, John, I'll not keep preaching here, But to my wife some comfort bear ; For women, in her situation, Are a concern to all the nation. ('John's Commiseration. J My Lady, late so wondrous slim, 'Tis plain to see what way she's in : Poor women have the hardest place,— 'Tis their lot to keep up the race ; OLD JOHN S TALE. And who would like such load to carry ? Why do the foolish creatures marry ? Now we shall have a daughter fair, Or perhaps a noisy son and heir, For one of them I'm sure is there. ! (John's Scheme to get out of the Way.) And here's the doctor, and the nurse, And they both say my Lady's worse, And I will run, I'm sure I'd rather, To fetch my Lady's good old father, And may we all, before to-morrow, Have cause of joy instead of sorrow ! I'd not, for all your Honour's grace, Be popp'd into my Lady's place ; So please you, Sir, I'll run away ; I like not in this place to stay : I'll come the baby soon to see, And then again I'll merry be. (John come bach.) And now, good Sir, I wish you joy ! It is a very little boy, OLD JOHN S TALE. To put us all in such a riot ; I hope that now all will be quiet. I think that we might make a cradle. Of the cook's largest best soup ladle. I'm sure I never can have been Such little bit as this doth seem. — But here's the soldier, on my word ! He thinks his grandson quite a Lord ! Ah ! what will fondness make of him ? This little bit will soon begin To get the better of us all ; — Blind ! do not let the morsel fall ! (The Lady in her sick Room.) And now, my nurse, ha'nt you a story About some sacrifice to glory ? — My Lady Trottle told to me You had some tale of high degree ; And now my child is laid to rest, Do you tell me your very best. NURSE. Why, ladies will my tales admire, Though I to learning can't aspire; 40 old john's tale. But this that I will tell to you, Is sure, my Lady, very true; 'Tis all about a beauteous maid, Who in her grave of grief was laid ; And sure it was a grievous sin, But, all in course, I will begin. j&ursc's lUgntir. Hark ! hark ! 'tis a knock In the silence of night ! And up gets the damsel to watch : She listens, and hears not, Yet is in a fright : Her lover expected, he comes in his might, Nor asks any to lift up the latch. Yet such not the lover Jobenda would chuse ; Fair maid, thine's a desperate case ! She dares not ; her father Forbids her refuse This last of a glorious race. old john's tale. 41 Though he dare not come in, Yet there's one that lurks nigh, Unnoted, unknown e'en his race; He breathes his last hope In that heart-heaved sigh ; Her father forbids him the place ! She's gone, and in sorrow Not long droops his head ; Tis laid on the cold earth to rest ! Oh, hard is his pillow, And hard is his bed ! But of all his hard fate, 'tis the best. And now, that he's dead, To light comes his story: To heaven his parents are sped ; His youth in oblivion, His manhood in glory- All his country's invaders are fled. And had the young Florian Recall'd been to glory, Jobenda had then shared his throne : The maid who oft wept At his sad hapless story, When friends and when foes were unknown. 42 old John's tale. And now just go look Where the bride sits repining. In the bridegroom's dark castle so grand ; She motionless seems as The tapestry lining, And sighs for her own native land. Go now, fetch her clay corpse, Ye father hard-hearted, Allow her by Florian to lie : Ye who, when they were living, Their destiny parted, Now o'er both their sad graves sit and sigh. LADY. What, have you finish'd it so soon ? Why, Nurse, their's was a cruel doom. When tales are told of other times, You're sure to hear some gloomy rhymes ; But we must send these thoughts away, We are to christen, Nurse, to-day. NURSE. Why, Ma'am, you'll make me almost shame, If I the young one am to name : I'm sure it makes me all perspire, To call young master, Obadiah ; old John's tale. 43 What could the people be about, That made them such a name find out ? LADY. Why, Nurse, they ask'd not you or me, And we with them must both agree. (John's Diligence.) NURSE. Why, here's old John put in a fright ; He says we sha'nt have done to-night; He's running up and down the house,— There's not rest in it for a mouse. Nay, there was just a poor old spider, And John, without his glasses, ey'd her ; He took a brush, and in a minute Spider, and web, and all were in it. And now to hear what noise he's making- He's set the very floors a shaking ! (John, in Haste.) Caudle ! caudle ! lots of caudle ! How the lazy nurses daudle •' Here's my Lady Roundabout, And twenty more I can't make out, 44 old John's tale. Asking to see the baby dear — Reach every one an easy chair ! Here's my Master will keep calling, And the child keeps such a squalling, 'Tis 'nough to make a Parson mad, To christen such a noisy lad. And here's my tender Lady Squeam, Almost convulsed at every scream. Come, Nurses! Nurses! how you creep, When little Master wants to sleep ! " What knock is that at outer door?- " 'Tis an old man, both blind and poor." Then pray relieve him — none shall say, Both old and blind are turn'd away. And give his faithful dog a crust,— Dog to his master's interest just : He from his side will never roam For e'en the bribe or sav'ry bone. Try to entice him if you can, — He'll not for gain leave that old man ! Would any Christian be as just ? Would he so fill an equal trust ? Would gratitude bind him to one, When all his hope of gain was gone ! Ah, no ! I fear his boasted reason Would to his patron breed some treason. old John's tale. 45 There may be some, but very few, Who this example would pursue ; And many a poor and blind old man Might guide himself — that's, if he can ; And if he could not, pray what then — Must trust to faithful dogs, not men! This is indeed a common sight- 1 — (I do not say it out of spite) — When men are blind — of all bereft, A little dog is all that's left! You'd think some friend they must have had, But who would share a fate so bad ? These little dogs who do so much, Are friendly as the lame man's crutch. And now old John has still proved true ! To-day he's married to poor Sue ! They'll live upon that neat white cot— Her children share her happy lot. John is not now a tender dove, Who must be married all for love : Now friendship is the very thing, And John's as happy as a King. To daughters and her little son, He'll do the best that can be done.— 46 old John's tale. And now I've settled all my folks, Readers, I pray excuse my jokes ; And if I joke, and speak too free, Pray don't mind them, and don't mind me. God spare the good, and mend the bad ! And better times may yet be had ; But this I say, and I speak true, Do right's the best thing we can do. } Critics ! forbear, and blame not me ; I could my own best critic be, For clearly all my faults I see ; And if I've wrote, and not wrote sense, Do I to knowledge make pretence ? — Then pray, ye censurers ! let me be — I write for any one but ye. I'll all your boasted fame refuse ; My wish is simply to amuse ; The favour that I would have shown, Is merely to be'let alone. ^*V^%%'%^'*W^.-* " In mercy spare us when we do our best, " To make as- much waste paper as the rest. old John's tale. 47 ^o a parent, Who heeded not tliat her Child stood exposed to Misconstruction* A blight upon an opening bud, Will prove a canker'd flower ; So are the future prospects laid Within the present hour. The bud, its leaves fast folded up, Shews not the blighted part ; But when the rose opes full to view, You'll find it at the heart. So have I seen some foolish girl, Unthinking, vain, and gay ; She thinks no harm, but others do, And make her feel its sway. — Then guard your child, ye parents wise; Let no sad tale prevail ; Those ready stand with pois'nous lies, Who know themselves so frail. Though now an envious foolish tale, A very little spot, Its influence will o'er life prevail, — Such tales are not forgot. 48 old John's tale. It hardly now seems worth a thought ; 'Tis blown by sland'rous breath; Disperse it quite, or you may find It quit you but with death. *%^^%wv*^* <&n a ©Into Jpour §9*ars of &ge. Happy the child to whom 'tis given Thus early to be ripe for heaven ; Angels look'd on, and with enraptured eyes, Welcomed the kindred spirit to the skies. Nor would the tears of her who gave him birth, Draw back that spirit to this troubled earth ; She shared his pleasures, and she felt his pain ; Oh may that mother meet her child again ! And when on lingering bed of death he lay, One half was dust, — the other animated clay ; That half just moved to take a last farewell — What more could words to wretched mother tell ? His soul, too large to be confined to clay, Soon burst her bounds, and joyous fled away. We must resign his body to the dust, And wait the resurrection of the just. old John's tale. 49 & s&ocfetng Mofo=up. I'll just watch that Exquisite pick up that fan, And yet it's a hundred to one if he can ! Do go and assist! — D'ye hear what a crack! — The poor thing must have broken the small of his back ! " Oh," says the smart beau, with a very grave face, " What will become of me! — I've broke my silk lace!" — " Pray don't mind the fan — I just wanted to see " What trouble an Exquisite would take for me." — She fled like an arrow : — ' ' I long wish'd to know " Which was the best way to let off" my bow. ' ' What a terrible twang 'twas ! — Good-by, dear divine ! " I'm glad that I long have had two strings to mine!" She left him transfix'd — away whirl'd her flounce; It's a terrible thing to go off with a bounce!— Poor stay-troubled man ! get up if you can, And beware of a lady who carries a fan. Ne'er mind, my poor friend, though this hits you so pat, You're an exquisite Dandy I see, for all that ; Go home, and get laced, and come out again, Sans trouble, sans care, sans shirt, and sans brain ! 50 old John's tale. ©to Qtimz* rebfortj. In former times it was a rule, That every King should have a fool; — The fair, whose husband's quite the thing, Is now as great as any King. F I K I S. S. M'Dowall, Printer, Leadenhall Street. . This book it DUE on the last date stamped below. 10M-1 1-50(2555)470 REMINGTON RAND I N C . 20 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY AA 000 079113 7