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THE 
 
 
 WORKS 
 
 OF 
 
 RICHARD OWEN CAMBRIDGE, esq. 
 
 INCLUDINO 
 
 SEVEBAL PIECES NEVEB B EFORE PUBLISHED : 
 
 AN ACCOUNT OF HIS LIFE AND CHARACTER, 
 
 BY HIS SON, 
 
 GEORGE OWEN CAMBRIDGE, m.a. 
 
 PREBENDARY OF ELY. 
 
 LONDON, 
 
 PBINTED BY LUKE BANIARO, CBEAT TURNSTILE, LINCOLn's-INN FIELDS: 
 
 AND SOLD BY T. CADELL AND W. DAVIES IN THE STRAND; 
 
 AND T. PAYNE AT THE M E W S - G A T E. 
 
 18 3. 
 
 OF THE 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF 
 
..^dl^r::^^^^ 
 
 ^^- "^^^ 
 
 GENEHM 
 
 1^ ^7 
 
ff{SS3f 
 r i ] I? 03, 
 
 /MA//V 
 
 C O N T E TN T S. 
 
 MEMOIRS of the Life and Charafler of the AUTHOR - - - - Page i 
 
 Page 
 VERSES on the Marriage of His Royal Highnefs Frederick Prince 
 
 of Wales : publiflied among the Oxford Cougiatulatory Verfes 1736 1 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 ■WRITTEN AT WHITMINSTKR, from I742 tO I75O. 
 
 Learning; a Dialogue between Dick and Ned -.-.-__. p 
 Society ; addrefl'ed to Henry Berkelej', Efq. --------- 27 
 
 Tobacco; a Tale : Addrefled to J. H. Browne, Efq. ----.--30 
 
 Archimage. Written in Imitation of Spencer, and Deforiptive of the 
 
 Author and four of his Boat's Crew - ----__. ..33 
 
 An Apology for writing Verse ; addrefled to the Honourable Charles 
 
 Yorke -------------------- 4^ 
 
 To William Whitehead, Efq. in anfwer to an Epiftle to the Author, 
 
 inferled in his Life -------------..-53 
 
 To Lord Bath urst: Imitation of Horace, Lib. 2. Ode 15. - - - - - 55 
 
 The Danger of writing Verse; a Dialogue between a young Poet and 
 
 his Friend ; addrefled to Sir Charles Hanbury Williams, Knt. - - - 58 
 A Dialogue between Lord DnciE and his Horse ------- 61 
 
 The Author to the ScRJBtERiAD: Imitation Hor. Epif. 20. - - _ - 64 
 
 The SCRIBLERIAD. A Mock Heroic Poem, in Six Books : 
 
 The Preface -----------------71 
 
 BookL -87 
 
 Book II. .----------.------113 
 
 Book HI. ------------------ 137 
 
 Book IV. 163 
 
 BookV. ---_ -..-..ipi 
 
 Book VI. -------------.-_.- 217 
 
 Index to the Scribleiiad -------- -- -239 
 
 A MISCEL- 
 
 175434 
 
u CONTENTS. 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 WRITTEN AT TWICKENHAM, frOIH 175! tO l8oi. 
 
 Page 
 
 A Dialogue between a Member of Parliament and his Servant ; in Imita- 
 tion of the 7th Satire of the fecond Book of Horace ------ 249 
 
 The Intruder ; in Imitation of Horace, Book I. Satire ix. ----- 265 
 
 The Fable of Jothani to the Borough Hunters -----.---279 
 
 The Fakeer ; a Tale 283 
 
 An Elegy written in an Empty Affembly-Room -------- 289 
 
 A Dialogue between a difappointed Candidate and his Friend - - - - 297 
 
 Verfes opcafioned by the Marriage and Game A6t, both pafled the fame 
 
 Seffion ------- ---_-_-- --- 201 
 
 On the Appointment of Lord Temple to be firft Lord of the Admiralty ; a 
 
 Parody of Apollo's Speech to Phaeton, Ovid Metam. ------ 303 
 
 Againft Inconftancy ; addrefled to the Earl of ------ 308 
 
 To Mr. Whitehead, on his being made Poet Laureat ------- 309 
 
 Epilogue, fpoken at Drury-Lane Theatre by Mifs Pope ------ 31.2 
 
 Epilogue, fpoken at Drury-Lane Theatre by Mifs Pritchard - - - - 314 
 
 A Dialogue between Sir Richard Lyttelton and the Thames ; in Imitation 
 
 of Horace, Book III. Ode ix. ------------- 315 
 
 To Ozias Humphry, Efq. .----__-__-,._-_ gig 
 
 Mr. Wilkes's Soliloquy the Day before his Election for Chamberlain of 
 London; a Parody on Caefar's Speech in the Boat, Lucan's Pharfalia 
 
 Lib. V. 1 559. ------- 321 
 
 On Painting ; addrefled to Mr. Patch --"------_.. 323 
 
 On the Head of Sir Ifaac Newton ------------ 328 
 
 To a Lady, who had aflced the Author's Opinion of the Witch of Endor 330 
 
 A Parody of Achilles' Speech, Pope's Homer, Book I, line 309 - - - - 332 
 
 A Parody on the old Song of " Death and the Lady" ------ g^^ 
 
 An Invitation to a Ball at Lady Cooper's ; and the Anfwer ----- 338 
 
 The Progrefs of Liberty ---------------- 340 
 
 On feeing this Motto to a French Paper. " Dulce et Decorum eft pro 
 
 Patria Mori ------ 342 
 
 To a Friend, who was a great Aftronomer ---------. -344 
 
 A free Tranflation of Boileau, Epift. 1. 1. 16. --------- 346 
 
 Epigrams - - 349 to 357 
 
 VERSES TO THE AUTHOR. 
 
 Verses, addrefled to R. O. Cambridge, Efq. by Henry Berkeley, Efq. - 361. 
 
 Verses left on a Pedeftal in Mr. Cambridge's Grounds - - - - - 364 
 
 Lines from George Birch, Efq. ------------ 367 
 
 ESSAYS 
 
CONTENTS. ' iii 
 
 ESSAYS PUBLISHED IN THE WORLD. 
 
 No. • Page 
 
 50. Various Reafons for coming to London. Anecdotes of Pope - - 371 
 
 51. The Folly of purfuing Pleafures fo rapidly, as to prevent the Enjoy- 
 
 ment of any ----_--._------- 377 
 
 54. On Hearers ; the Qualifications required - -------- 383 
 
 55. A Projedlor's Scheme for an Extinguifliing Office - - - - - 389 
 
 56. Adventures of a Hearer -------------- 396 
 
 65. On the bad Tafte fliewn in the Mode of ornamenting Parks - - - 403 
 
 70. Books the Phyfic of the Mind ; News its Food ; Novels its Poifons 410 
 
 71. The Author's good Humour: Fragments of Correfpondence : 
 
 Ladies Drefs ---------------- 416 
 
 72. Real Happinefs deftroyed by imaginary Wants - - -- - - 421 
 
 76. Charafter of an Improver ----- ___-.-.- 427 
 
 99. Gloomy Reflexions of November : Chara<Sler of a foreboding Couple 433 
 
 102. On fafliionable and cant Phrafes ----------- 438 
 
 104. On the Modes of celebrating Chriftmas ----- -.- 444 
 
 106. Letter from a Teacher of Eloquence : Remarks on it - - - - - 450 
 
 107. Direftions for writing Hiftory ------------ 456 
 
 108. Ideas of Neighbourhood ; Charadlers of good and bad Neighbours - 463 
 116. Danger of Mafquerades; Hiftory of them -------- 469 
 
 n8. Advantages of modern Gardening ---------- 476 
 
 119. Qualifications jof a modern Gardener - --------- 481 
 
 123. liifi;ory of aTurtle Feafi; - ------------- 48;? 
 
 206. On the Folly and Vixations of a Life of Gallantry ----- 494. 
 
 — On the Effeds of different Sorts oi Food ; noxefrft publijhed - - 50X 
 
 (cancel.) ^ j ENGRAVINGS: 
 
[ iv ] 
 
 ENGRAVINGS: 
 
 With DireSioHS to the Binder for placing them. 
 
 Plate 
 
 I. The PORTRAIT of the AUTHOR - - - /o /ace /Ae Title Page. 
 
 II. — of HAWKINS BROWNE, Esq. .... to face page vii 
 
 III. — ofSmJOHNTRENCHARD — viii 
 
 IV. — ofEAKLBATHURST — xxii 
 
 V. — of The EARL OF CLARENDON — xxviii 
 
 VI. — of The EARL of HARDWICKE, Chancellor of Great 
 
 Britain .--_-_.-------— xlvi 
 
 VII. — of LORD ANSON — xlviii 
 
 VIII. — of ADMIRAL BOSCAWEN _ 1 
 
 IX. — of JAMES HARRIS, Esq. — Ivi 
 
 X. — of ANDREW STONE, Esq. ---.-.-.._ hiU 
 
 XI. — of VISCOUNT BARRINGTON _ Ixvii 
 
 XII. TheFAC SIMILE of an INSCRIPTION to the AUTHOR — Ixviii 
 
 XIII. VIEW OF WHITMINSTER HOUSE, tofacetheVeiks writtea 
 
 at Whitminfter --__--_-__ infignature B. 
 
 XIV. FRONTISPIECE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD, to face the Title 
 
 page of that Poem --------- infignature K. 
 
 XV. VIEW OF TWICKENHAM MEADOWS, to face the Verfes 
 
 written at Twickenham ----- lajileafoffignature li. 
 
 XVI. Dr. JOHNSON'S GHOST (with the defcriptive leaf of that 
 
 print) appearing to Mr. Bosavell, to face The Worlds 
 between fignafures -------- ---3A and 3 B. 
 
 mm 
 
 N. B. The Book to be beat before the Prints are inferted. 
 
N. B. 
 
 IT was the intention of the Editor, in the choice of the Portraits, to 
 mfert fuch only as had never before been publijhed ; this necejfarily excluded 
 many of the Author's literary friends, who are already at the head of their ozen 
 works ; but, in the two injlances of Mr. Harris and Mr. Browne, this rule has 
 been deviated from, at the exprefs dejire of their fons, the Earl of Malmef- 
 bury and Mr. Hawkins Browne, who each exprejfed their wi/h, that their 
 Father's Portrait might appear among thofe of the Author's moji intimate and 
 valued friends ; fo flattering a tejlimony of their refpeci for him could not be 
 declined. The Editor has alfo to acknowledge his obligation to the Bifltop of 
 Durham, for the ufe of a private plate of Lord Barriiigton. 
 
VI 
 
 ERRATA. 
 
 Ill pp. 21. 27. and 36l. the middle e in the name o/" Berkeley is accidentally 
 omitted. 
 
 Page 
 
 59. line 6, for or read and. 
 131. In the note, for honore read honores. 
 197. In the note,/or profilic read prolific. 
 231. In the note,yor -bed read bend. 
 268. line 10, for yon read you. 
 
 287. line 2,/or modern read human.   
 
 355. line 2, for meux read maux. 
 Jn the laft leaf of the Scribleriad, for page 244, read 238. 
 
vu 
 
 MEMOIRS 
 
 OF THE 
 
 AUTHOR. 
 
'--- V X 
 
 ilVERSlTYj 
 
 MEMOIRS 
 
 OF THE 
 
 LIFE AND CHARACTER 
 
 nv T TI E 
 
 AUTHOR. 
 
 IN prefixing to this publication fuch particulars, as may 
 beft delineate the life, character, and talents of the Author, 
 I am influenced by very powerful motives. The folicitude I 
 naturally feel at fending into the world this edition of my 
 Father's works, makes me wifli, as far as poflible, to fulfil the 
 duty of his editor, by endeavouring to gratify that curiofity 
 fo generally entertained, of enquiring into the prevailing fen- 
 timents and habits of thofe, who have been at all difl;in- 
 guiihed, or whofe writings have attracted any Ihare of public 
 attention. At the fame time I do not fcruple to ac- 
 knowledge, that I am ftill more ftrongly impelled to it, by 
 the high gratification afforded to my feelings, in paying 
 this laft and only remaining tribute of duty and affedlion to 
 the memory of a revered parent; and in recording, I truft 
 for the benefit of others, thofe virtues, the recoUedion of 
 which is indelibly impreffed on my own mind. 
 
 b To 
 
fi TKELIFEOF 
 
 To this undertaking I am further encouraged, by the reflec- 
 tion that fo much of my own life has been paft in the enjoyment 
 of my father's fociety, and in the conftant obfervation of his 
 many eftimable quahties, as enables me to aflure the reader, 
 that, whatever other attra6tions thefe memoirs may be thought 
 to want, they will not be found deficient in thofe eflendal parts 
 of Biography, fidelity and truth. In order, however, to give 
 to this account a fan6tion of more unequivocal authority, 
 than may perhaps be allowed to the affedtionate intereft and 
 partial judgment of a fon, 1 fliall gladly avail myfelf of the 
 voluntary teilimonies, given by others to my father's vir- 
 tues and talents, at different periods of his life; which 
 coming chiefly from perfons, diftinguifljed for their accurate 
 knowledge of the characters of mankind, and their fliill in 
 defcribing them, will, 1 hope, be confidered as furnifl^ung an 
 additional weight to this relation, and render it more gene- 
 rally interefting. 
 
 RICHARD CAMBRIDGE was born in London the 
 14th of February, in the year 1717. He was defcended 
 from a family, that had been for feveral generations 
 eftablifhed in Gloucefterlhire : his father, being a younger 
 brother, was bred to bufinefs as a Turkey merchant, and re- 
 fided chiefly in London until the time of his death, which 
 happened not long after the birth of his fon, who, upon this 
 event, was left to the care of his mother, and of her 
 brother, Thomas Owen, Efq. 
 
 S This 
 
THE AUTHOR. iii 
 
 TTiis gentleman had followed the profeffion of-the law, 
 but was, at that time, retired to Britwell Place in Bucking- 
 harafliire ; and, as he had no children, he adopted his nephew 
 as his future reprefentative, undertaking the fuperintendence 
 of his education, and receiving him at his houfe, during the 
 vacations from fchool and the univerfity. 
 
 My father was fent early to Eton, where, amongft his prin- 
 cipal friends and aflbciates, were Mr. Bryant, Mr. Gray, 
 Mr. Weft, Mr. Aldworth Neville, Lord Sandwich, the Ho- 
 nourable Horace Walpole, Dr. Barnard (afterwards Mafter 
 and Provoft of Eton) Dr. Cooke (the late Dean of Ely) 
 befides many others, who became known in the world as men 
 of tafte and learning, with moft of whom he formed a friend- 
 Ihip, which lafted through their refpe(ilive lives. 
 
 Here alfo commenced that friendfliip with Mr. Henry 
 Berkeley *, which, thougli dift()lved at an early period hy his 
 death, was, during its continuance, of the moft affectionate 
 kind, and left on the mind of his furviving friend a tender 
 remembrance, and poignant regret for his lofs, which never 
 were effaced. 
 
 To fchool exercifes my father profefTed not to have paid labo- 
 rious attention ; and I have often heard him attribute his never 
 
 having 
 
 ~ * Henry Berkeley, Efq. was the eldeft fon of Henry, third fon of Charles 
 fecond Earl of Berkeley. He was a young man of very fupcrior and promifing 
 talents, who went early into the army, and was a Captain in the firft regiment of 
 foot guards, when he unfortunately loit his hfe at the battle of Fontenoy, in the 
 year 1 745. The reader will find a pleafing, and, I believe, a very rorredt de- 
 lineation of the chara6ter of this my father's moft favourite friend in early life, 
 in a little poem entitled " Society", inferted in this volume. It was unfinifhed at 
 the time of Mr. Berkeley's deaths andj after that event, never was completed. 
 
 bs 
 
iv _ T H E L I F E O F 
 
 having received punifliinent to the good nature and forbear- 
 ance of his mafter, Dr. George. But more, perhaps, was 
 due, than he allowed or imagined, to an unufual quicknefs of 
 parts, which enabled him to acquire, whatever he applied his 
 mind to, without much pains or exertion. 
 
 His time, however, at Eton was far from being idly fpent, 
 for whilfl he Avas ever foremoft in the adive fports fuited to 
 his age, he ftill found leifure to read feveral of the Greek and 
 Roman hiflorians ; but as Chara6ler was always his favourite 
 ftudy, the ancient dramatic writers, and other poets, by whom 
 the paflions of men are moft correctly delineated, were pre- 
 ferred by him : with the beft of thefe he was familiar before 
 he went to the univerfity ; and as he poffeiTed a memory 
 uncommonly retentive, what he had read at fchool he could 
 readily refer to at any fubfequent part of his life, and name 
 almoft the page and line where the pafTage might be found. 
 He was alfo converfant with the beft writers of the Englifh 
 drama ; of our own Shakfpeare he was a warm and judicious 
 admirer, and had a6ted fomeof the principal parts in his and 
 other of our beft plays withfmgular fuccefs. His performance 
 of Falftaff, andofTorifuiondin the Spanifti Friar, were always 
 mentioned by his fchoolfellows as being particularly excellent, 
 as alfo of Micio in the Adelphi of Terence. His chief 
 affociates in thefe theatrical exercifes, were Mr. Neville, 
 Mr. Weft, Dr. Barnard, Mr. Berkeley ; and, in the Latin play, 
 Mr. Bryant. 
 
 In 
 
THEAUTHOR. t 
 
 In themidftof his application to graver ftudics and thefe 
 more lively exertions of genius, he manifefted an early re- 
 lifh for the tranquil beauties of nature. The tranfparent 
 flream of the Thames, and the pidurefque fcenes in the 
 neighbourhood of Eton and Windfor, appear to have made 
 the fame impreifion upon his mind, as they did upon that of 
 his fchoolfellow Mr. Gray ; and whilft in the contemplative 
 fancy of the one, they produced the celebrated Ode on a 
 diftant View of Eton College, they formed in the a6tive mind 
 of the other, a tafte for the varied combinations of wood, wa- 
 ter, and lawn, which was exercifed with great fuccefs, fii-ft at 
 his feat in Gloucefterrtiire, and afterwards in the meadows at 
 Twickenham : thefe exhibit a plealing memorial of his fliill in 
 landfcape fcenery, the relifh for which he always profefTed to 
 have acijuired in the playing fields of Eton fchool*. 
 
 Ffom Eton my father was removed to St. John's college in 
 Oxford, wliere he entered as a gentleman-commoner in ITS-t. 
 His ftudies at the univerfity were carried on much in the fame 
 manner as at Eton. Ko day was palTed witliout fome acqui- 
 
 fition 
 
 * Thefe particulars of my father's juvenile chara«3er and perfuits have been 
 colleded from coiiverf.itiotis upon ihe fubje<il with Mr. Neville, Dr. Barnard, 
 the late Dean ot Ely, and other iVieiids of his youth, now no more. It is pleafing 
 to me to add, tliat fince the above was svritteii, every particular here ftated, with 
 many additional circumftances, have been contirmed to me by his only furviviag 
 fcho ilfellow, the amiable and venerable Jacob Bryant, Efq. : who fays, that 
 •with tlie gayeftfpii.ts and molt active dil'poiitioii, his propriety of conducit wasfo 
 uniform, that he not only never was punilliedfor irregularity, but was regarded as 
 a pattern of order and good behaviour, whillt his i weetnefs of temper and conflant 
 defire to accommodate himfeli toothers gained him the love of all, from his-lread 
 mafier. Dr. George, to the leall boy in the fchoul. 
 
vi THELIFEOF 
 
 fition of knowledge, either in literature, mechanics, the polite 
 arts, or other ufeful improvements: yet without any appear- 
 ance of fevere ftudy, or of his wilhing to be thought a diftin- 
 guiflied fcholar. 
 
 During one of the Oxford vacations, he accepted from his 
 fchoolfellow, Mr. Horace Walpole, an invitation to King's Col- 
 lege, Cambridge, Avhcre, after fpending fome time, they agreed 
 to make the tour of Norfolk together, and conclude it by vi- 
 fiting Houghton, at the time when the Congrefs was held 
 there. This was an annual meeting, chiefly compofed of per- 
 fons connected with Sir Robert Walpole in public life. The 
 propofal was gladly accepted by my father, who omitted no 
 opportunity that offered of feeing and converfing with emi- 
 nent men ; in this vifit his curiofity was gratified by the 
 fight of fome of the moll diftinguiflied characters of the age. 
 Amongft others, whom I have heard him mention to have 
 feen there for the firft time, was. Holies Duke of Newcallle, 
 long the prime minifter of George the Second. 
 
 When the marriage of the Prince of Wales engaged the 
 poetical talents of each univerfity, my father would willingly 
 have declined a fubjeft fo little fuited to his tafte or ftyle of 
 compofition, which was chiefly of the humorous call; but, 
 finding his college expe6ted fomething from his pen, he com- 
 pofed the poem that is inferted in this volume ; which was 
 publiflied with the other verfes fpoken at Oxford on this 
 occafion. 
 
 As moft of his Eton friends had gone to Cambridge, and as 
 neither the fociety of the college to which he belonged, nor 
 
 the 
 
of ,^, 
 
ISAAC HAWKINS BROWNE Esq! 
 
THE AUTHOR. vii 
 
 the mode of ftudy followed there were particularly fuited to 
 his choice, he was defirous to leave Oxford before he was of 
 fufficient ftanding for a degree, in the hope of rejoining at 
 Lincohi's-lnn, fome of the friends from whom'he feparated 
 on leaving Eton ; he accordingly became a member of that 
 fociety in the year 1737. 
 
 It happened that his chambers were in the fame ftaircafewith 
 thofe of Ifaac Hawkins Browne, Efcj. who had acquired, by his 
 works then publiflied, a high reputation both for the fublime 
 and playful kinds of poetry ; and was not lefs celebrated 
 for his wit and talents for converfation ; which were fo con- 
 genial to my father's tafte, that they led to a friendlhip, which 
 lafted through the life of Mr, Browne, and defcended to his 
 fon, the prefent member for Bridgenorth. 
 
 By Mr. Browne he was introduced to many literary ac- 
 quaintance ; he alfo found at Lincoln's-Inn his fchoolfellow 
 Mr. Henry Bathurft, afterwards Lord Chancellor, and com- 
 menced his friendfhip with the Honourable Charles Yorke, 
 
 Mr. Wray*, and Mr. Edwards-f. 
 
 AmoBgft 
 
 * Daniel Wiay, Efq. was educated at the Charter-houfe, and at Queen's College, 
 Cambridge. He was tor many years a deputy-teller of tlie Exchequer under 
 Philip, fecond Earlot'Hardwicke, with whom and other friends he was concerned, 
 in Ihe Athenian Lt Iters. He was a good fcholar, equally converlant with claffical. 
 and polite literature, and an eminent antiquary; nor was he lefs diftinguifhed for 
 the goodnefs of his heart than the excellence of his underftanding. He purchafed 
 a houfe at Hichmond about the time my father fettled at Twickenham, and a 
 conftant intercourfe was kept up between them until Mr. Wray's death in 1783. 
 
 f Tliomas Edwards, Efq. was the fon of a barrifter, bred to the law, 
 and a member of Lincoln's-Inn; but, being poffeffed of an independent for- 
 tune,. 
 
viii T H E L I F E O F 
 
 Amongft thefe friends his time was agreeably and profitably 
 fpent; but it not being his intention to be called to the Bar, 
 his defire of improvement determined liim to travel ; for which, 
 when every neceflary anangeniciiL was made, he was Hopped 
 by the hard froft of the year 1 739-40, which detained him 
 the whole winter in London, and his plan never was 
 refumed. 
 
 Early in the fpring he made a vifit to the houfe of George 
 Trenchard, Efq*. at Woolveton in Dorfetfliire, for whofe fe- 
 cond daughter he had formed a previous attachment. To this 
 lady he now made his propofals, and the marriage took 
 place in the beginning of the year 1741. 
 
 Whilft my father was vifiting at Woolveton, he received 
 the following poetic epiftle from his friend Mr. Henry 
 
 Berkeley, 
 
 tune, he never followed his profeffion, but gave himfelf chiefly to the caltivation 
 of letters, particularly in the branches of poetry and criticifm. The laft feven- 
 teen years of his life were fpent at his own feat of Turrich, in the parifli of Ellen- 
 borough, Bucks ; he died January 3d, 1757, in the 58th year of his age. 
 His writings were colledled foon after his death, and confift of the Canons of 
 Criticifm, and the trial of the letter Y, which is a critical eflay upon the ortho- 
 graphy of the Englilh language, written with fenfe and fpirit ; together with a 
 colledion of forty -nine fonnets. 
 * George Trenchard, Efq. then member for Poole, was defcended from a very 
 ancient family in Dorfetfliire, and fon of Sir John Trenchard, fecretary of Itate to 
 King VViliianij and the confidential friend of that roonarch,by whom he was coni- 
 miflioned to concert meafuies with his friends on this fide the water, and en- 
 fure his favourable reception; for which purpofe he made feveral voyages into 
 Holland, and finally attended the king, when he came over to take pofleflion of 
 the government. A private engraving from an original pJdure of this gentleman, 
 being offered to me by my uncle John Trenchard, Efq. I have confidered it an 
 acceptable addiiion to the portraits in this work. 
 

 (i'/ia-m-i'^fV^ fit/ (>.(/jfa/t//nff. ff/i'/T ///I f^nmna// JLU^/ltte^ 
 
THE AUTHOR. ix 
 
 Berkeley, containing fuch fweet efFufions of fanc}^ as juftify 
 the high terms in which my father always fpoke, of the elegant 
 and claffical tafte, of that amiable and accomplillied young 
 man. 
 
 ♦« September I4th, 1741. 
 " Dear Dick, 
 " Having, according to ancient and right laudable cuftom, 
 nothing but nonfenfe to fend you, I think you may as well 
 take it out in verfe as profe. 
 
 Intermifla Venus, 8cc. 
 
 " Forbear, I faid, thou trifler, Love, 
 Forbear on me thy fhafts to prove. 
 Hence to thy mother ! fay that I 
 Her ceftus and thy bow defy ; 
 ' With cold indifference can furvej 
 Whate'er creates thy fov'reign fway, 
 Pitt's matchlefs air, and Tatton's face. 
 And blooming Wolfely's ev'ry grace. 
 Let me advife, to Wool' ton hafte. 
 There thou may 'ft prove a welcome gueft: 
 Thou 'It find a conqueft worthy thee, 
 A youth yet uiiconfiiicd and ficc. 
 Though form'd for love, with ev'ry art 
 To pleafe the eye and charm the heart. 
 For him thy keeneft arrow chufe. 
 And deep the thrilling fmart infufe ; 
 
 c Loud 
 
X THELIFEOF 
 
 Loud let thy well-ftriing bow refound, 
 
 Venus and Trenchard too fhall blefs the wound;. 
 
 My ruder foul unhurt remains. 
 
 Nor hopes thy joys, nor dreads thy painsv 
 
 Yet fay, Eliza, why I mourn, 
 
 Whene'er from thee unwilling torn ? 
 
 O thou my thoughts' eternal theme. 
 
 My daily wifh, my nightly dieam, 
 
 "Why heaves my breaft the tender figh ?• 
 Why cloud the gufliing tears mine eye ?. 
 See Venus laugh, Eliza chide^ 
 Tis gone at once my rebel pride I 
 My boafted refolution's gone. 
 My liberty and reaibn flown, 
 Too fure I feel th' unerring dart. 
 And own love's enapire in my heart." 
 
 This marriage, which originated in a mutual preference, 
 laid the foundation of the moil tender and affedlionate at- 
 tachment, that fubfifted full fixty years- 
 
 Befides the beauty of her perfon, her cheerful temper, and^ 
 pleafing manners, my mother, with a peculiar delicacy of form,- 
 was endued with an uncommou fl.reiigtli of conflitution, which 
 enabled her to be the conllant companion of her hufband in 
 all his moft active purfuits; their journies were always perform- 
 ed on horfeback ; and, when their children became of an age 
 to join in thefe parties, they were always admitted into them. 
 
 Upon 
 
THEAUTHOR. - xi 
 
 Upon their marriage, my father fettled at his family feat of 
 Whitminfter in Gloucefteriliire, near the banks of the Severn, 
 feven miles below Gloucefter. In this retirement he paffed 
 feven or eight yeare, in the enjoyment of fuch happinefs as 
 is not very often experienced, continually engaged in the 
 acquifition of knowledge, or in fome ufeful application 
 of it. 
 
 The fituation of the place woo -well adapted tO the dif- 
 play of his tafte, and the purfuit of thofe amufements that 
 were moft interefting to him. The houfe was fituated on the 
 banks of the little river Stroud, in the midft of the rich mea- 
 dows that characterize the vale of Berkeley ; my father's 
 fiiil obje6t was to introduce the more diftant landfcape, and 
 open to the view thofe beautiful and lofty hills which bound 
 that extenfive valley ; and, by a judicious difpofal of his 
 buildings and plantations, he greatly embellifhed the place, 
 and gave to the whole eftate the appearance of a garden. 
 
 The ftream, which ran through the grounds, he made navi- 
 gable for boats, not only as far as his own property extended, 
 but, by the permiffion of his neighbours, for a diftance of near 
 three miles, and thus obtained, for his private ufe, at a very 
 inconfiderable expence, what was undertaken forty years after- 
 wards upon a larger fcale for the public by the Stroud-water 
 Company; who firftmade this river navigable from the Severn 
 to the town of Stroud, and then, following the courfe of the 
 fame ftream, carried their canal through Sapperton Hill by a 
 tunnel, and united it with the Thames at Letchlade. 
 
 C8 By 
 
xii THE LIFE OF 
 
 By means of this navigation he was enabled to conrey 
 with eafe the ftone and other materials requifite for the 
 various works and improvements carrying on upon his 
 eftate ; he had alfo boats of pleafure fuited to the fize and 
 nature of the river, by which he tranfported himfelf and his 
 friends to others of a different conftru6tion, adapted to the na- 
 vigation of the Severn. Such was his tm'n for mechanics, 
 that it might be called the favourit« of his various purfuits ; 
 and the ftru6lure of his boats afforded him an opportunity of 
 fliewing his pra6lical knowledge in that branch of fcience. 
 
 His largeft boat for the Severn was built upon the plan of 
 thofe made ufe of in the Venetian ftate ; the cabin of 
 which was large enough to receive commodioufly near thirty 
 people, and was very handfomely fitted up. Amongft other 
 articles of furniture, it contained in the pannels between the 
 Avindows eight pictures, painted for the purpofe by that emi- 
 nent marine painter, Mr. Scott, reprefenting every different fort 
 offliip, veffel, and boat, then in ufe. Thefe pictures are 
 now valuable as fpeciraens of the Ikill of that excellent 
 artift, and as a pleafmg record of the tafte and fpirit with 
 which my father purfued every object to which he directed 
 his mind, and the inftru<Slion that was always mingled with hiis 
 amufements. 
 
 Another of his boats that attra<Sled attention was a twelve- 
 oared barge built after a plan of his own, which was found 
 to move with confiderably more eafe and expedition than any 
 other boat of the fame defcription, though tiie rowers were 
 
 men 
 
THE AUTHOR. xm 
 
 men unaccuftomed to the water, being his own domeftics, or 
 the labourers employed in his various works*, who had no 
 other initru6tions given them than what they received from 
 their mafter. 
 
 But in this flotilla the boat moft entitled to notice, from the 
 fingularity and the ingenuity of its conftrudiion, was a double- 
 boat, which owed its origin to the flying prow, the inconveni- 
 ence and danger of which it was defigned to remedy, whilfl; 
 it retained its moft valuable properties, lightnefs and expe- 
 dition. Lord Anfon, having admired the ftrud:ure and fuccefs 
 of thefe boats, as ufed by the inhabitants of the Ladrone 
 iflands, a particular defcription of which is given in his voy- 
 age, was preparing to make trial of one in England, when my 
 •father ventured to fuggeft his doubts, whether a boat, wliofe 
 fafety depended upon the moft exadl; equilibrium, would 
 fucceed in this uncertain climate, however well it might 
 anfwer on thefmooth fea,and under the fteady breezes of the 
 Pacific Ocean > propofmg, at the fame time, to conftru6t a 
 boat upon a plan fomewhat fimilar, that might obviate thofe 
 obje<ftions. The experiment, in both cafes, was creditable 
 to his knowledge of the fubjedl. The flying prow was twice 
 tried between Portfmouth and the Ifle of Wifrhl, and eacii 
 time (as I have been informed) it was overfet ; after which it 
 was hung up in the boat-houfe of the royal yard at Deptford-, 
 where it has ever flnce remained, and may now be feen; 
 but the double-boat anfwered every purpofe required, being 
 
 • See a humorous defcription of them in his poem of Archimage. 
 
xit T H E L I F E O F 
 
 fo fwift that no other boat could overtake it, and fo fafe that 
 it was fcarcely poffible for it to be overfet*. 
 
 It happened about the time when the improvements 
 at AVhitminfter were completed, that Frederick the late 
 Prince of Wales, accompanied by his Princefs, his daughter 
 the prefent Duchefs of Brunfwick, and a large party, made a 
 vifit to Lord Bathurft at Cirencefter. During their ftay at 
 his feat, he fignlfied to my father his intention of bring- 
 ing their Royal Highnefles to fee his place, and pafs a 
 day upon the water. They were accordingly received by 
 him in his fmaller boats, at the head of his own private navi- 
 gation, and after landing to view the houfe and grounds, con- 
 tinued their paflage to the Severn, where they were condu<5led 
 to the Venetian barge, on board of which having taken their 
 ftation in the mod beautiful reach of the river, the whole 
 party fat down to a well-ferved dinner, prepared in a boat 
 fitted up as a kitchen, and previoufly placed there for that 
 purpofe. After taking as long a fail as the time would admit, 
 they again returned by the fame conveyance to the fpot 
 where they had embarked. 
 
 The 
 
 * The double-boat confided of two diftin6l boats, fifty feet in length, and only 
 fighteen inches wide, placed parallel to each other at the diftance of twelve feet, 
 and feciired together by tr^tnfverfe beams, over which a flight platform or deck 
 was placed. Thus conftrudled it was enabled to fpread a much larger poi tion 
 of canvafs than any other boat that prefented fo fmall a refiftance to ttie ele- 
 ment in which it moved. It is remarkable that Captain Cook fliould, many 
 years afterwards, find the ingenious inhabitants of the Sandwich Wands making 
 ufe of boats upon a fimilar plan, and which experience had fhewn them was pre- 
 ferable to the flying prow, or any other form that could be devifed by a people 
 unacquainted with the ufe of iron. 
 
THE AUTHOR. mv 
 
 The Prince and Princefs were always gracioufly pleafed to 
 fpeak of this as one of the pleafanteft parties in which they had 
 ever been engaged. His Royal Highnefs particularly noticed 
 the (kill and difcipline of the boatmen, and the regularity and 
 order with which every thing was arranged; faying he had 
 frequently attempted the fame on the Thames at Cliveden, but 
 from fome caufe or other had never been equally fuccefsful. 
 
 The following letter from Lord Bathurft, written on this 
 occafion, not only (hews how well the party were pleafed with 
 their day, but cpntains alfo the moft flattering teftimony of 
 the favourable light in which their hoft appeared to his 
 royal vifitors. 
 
 " Dear Sir, 
 
 " My royal guefts are gone this afternoon, and tliey have ' 
 charged me with their compliments to you. I do aflTure you 
 tJiey were highly pleafed with you and your entertainment, 
 and it proved, as I forefaw, the moft agreeable day they had 
 paffed in their whole progrefs. Mafliam, who had never feen 
 you before, had no inclination to the expedition, but after 
 his return, was the moft forward to acknowledge the fatisfac- 
 tion he had received ; all agreed that a man fo formed for a- 
 oourt, ought not to live hid in the country. 
 
 "Let me know when I can fee you, for I long to tell you ' 
 
 how much 
 
 " Lam, Yours, 
 
 Cirencefterj " BATHURST." 
 
 Wednefday Night; 
 
 For 
 
xvi THE LIFE OF 
 
 For tiie ordinary diverfions of the field, to which coun- 
 try gentlemen ufually devote fo much of their time anfl 
 talents, my father had no relifli; but inftead of the gun, 
 he took up the exercife of fliooting with the bow and ar- 
 row, in which he acquired fuch a degree of dexterity, as with 
 a little further practice might have enabled him to enter the 
 lifts with William Tell, or the man recorded in the Scrible- 
 riad, who deprived Philip of the fight of one of his eyes 
 with an arrow, which was addreffed " To Philip's right Eye." 
 The head of a duck, fwimming in the river, was a favourite 
 mark, which he feldom mifled ; he likewife lliot many fmall 
 birds perching on trees, and fome of the larger fort he has 
 brought down when upon the wing ; until happening to fee 
 one of his arrows, that had accidentally dropped into a poft, 
 he was ftruck with the hazard he ran of injuring fome fellow- 
 creature, and from that time relinquilhed this amufenient. 
 But as Ihooting filh was not liable to any rifk, he continued 
 that diverfion, with arrows made for the purpofe by the 
 Indians of America, and was almoft as expert in the 
 ufe of them. Whatever purfuit he engaged in he fol- 
 lowed with uncommon ardpur, and feldom defifted until 
 he had reached the extent of the fubjedl: this fondnefs 
 for the bow, therefore, induced him to .coUedl fpecimens 
 of all the bows and arrows that could be met with in dif- 
 ferent parts of the world, and to make himfelf acquainted 
 
 with 
 
THE AUTHOR. xvii 
 
 with the precife methods of ufing them. * Pie hkewife pro- 
 cured whatever books he could find upon the fubjed; of 
 archery, particularly thofe which related to the laws and 
 pra6lice of the old Englilli bowmen, as well as what remained 
 refpcidling the ufe of thofe weapons among the ancients. 
 
 The various active amufements which at this period engaged 
 a confiderable portion of his time, appear rather to have 
 ftrengthened, than abated hia taftc for intclledlual purfuits ; 
 and his mind was as much devoted to literature, and as entirely 
 at the fervice of the mufes, as if they had been without a rival 
 to divide his attention. In the midft of all thefe occupations 
 he formed the plan, collected the materials, and wrote the 
 whole of his mock-heroic poem, the Scribleriad ; with very 
 little communication, and certainly without any afTiftance. 
 That he had made known his defign to fome of thofe parti- 
 cular friends, with whom he was in the habit of corref{)ond- 
 ing on literary fubjed;s ; that both the plan and the parts 
 of the w^ork that were finiflied were much rehflied and ap- 
 proved by them ; and that they ftrongly urged him to pro- 
 ceed in the undertaking, appear by feveral letters he has pre- 
 ferved, alluding to the fubjedt. From among thefe I am in- 
 duced to offer one from Mr. Henry Berkeley; which is written 
 from a camp in Flanders, in the midft of an aiStive campaign, 
 and not only contains the mod pleafmg and judicious com- 
 
 * This colledlion of bows and arrows he gave many years afterwards to Sir 
 Aftiton Lever, in whofe mufeum they were placed, with feveral other articles 
 
 prefented by my father. 
 
 mendations 
 
^cviii THE LIFE OF 
 
 mendations of his friend's work, but exhibits Ukewife a verj 
 favourable fpecimen of his own corre6t tafte. 
 
 Ghendt, Nov. ii, 1744. 
 " My dear Richard, 
 
 " Yesterday I received your Scribleriad, and though I 
 have not yet been able to bellow that attention upon it which it 
 delerves, I have read it often enough to have that enthuliafm 
 for it that you (1 think falfely) accufe me of; in fliort, I like it 
 prodigioufly, and think your whole plan fuch as, handled 
 with the fame tafte and fpirit, will be as entertaining to all 
 readers of genius and underftanding, as to thofe only of book- 
 learning ; and for other readers who would write ? Scriblerus's 
 fpeecli in the ftorm, the preparing and lighting the pile, in a 
 word, the whole paflage from verfe 124 to 192, is worked up 
 with every quality, pride, pomp, and circumftance of poetry 
 and humour. 
 
 'And flood my own fad monument, a ftone/ 
 
 puts me in mind of a paflage in a poem called Sodoma, writ- 
 ten by Saint Cyprian or Tertullian *, which I will tranfcribe : 
 
 Stetit ipfa Sepulcrum, 
 
 Ipfaque imago libi, formam fine corpore fervans. 
 Duiat adhuc etenim nudaftatione fubaethram. 
 Nee pluviis dilapfa fitu, nee diruta ventis : 
 Quinetiam, fiquis miititaverit advena formam, 
 Protinus ex fefe fuggeftu vulnera complet. 
 
 The fending Scriblerus to confult a fool is finely thought, and 
 Albertus accounts for that manner of prophefy wirth great ad- 
 
 * Tliis poem is found in the works of St. Cyprian, but confidered as of very 
 doubtful authority. 
 
 drefs. 
 
THE AUTHOR. jjix 
 
 drefs. Your fubjedl has greatly the advantage of the Dun- 
 ciad and the Difpenfary, though it rather yields to the Trivia; 
 though I muft diffent from you when you fay that this laft is 
 proper for a writer of fmall parts and httle induftry, I confefs 
 it does not require, in a great degree, the true and fublime 
 fpirit of poetry, as neither does your fubjed;, or any other 
 which verges upon burlefque or ridicule, Avhich delight the 
 mind when agreeablv handled, and adorned with all the fe- 
 cond graces (if I may fo call them) of poetry, but can hardly 
 admit of the great fublime, which belongs more particularly 
 .to ferious poems; but, in regard to Trivia, I have always 
 thought that exprelTing the common accidents, and bufmels, 
 and actions of life in elegant vcrfe, was the moft difficult mat- 
 ter in poetry, and required the greateft induftry ; what Horace 
 
 means bv, 
 
 Ut fibi quivis fperet idem 
 
 ********* 
 
 And let me tell you, that although I have either partiality or 
 tafte enough to admire all your compofitions, there is nothing 
 you feem more to excel in than this laft fpecies of writing, 
 which likewife requires the moft uncommon talents, and much 
 judgment in particular, thoughit feemsto be trifling and eafy; 
 nor do I mean at all to compliment you in faying, that you have 
 an infinite fund of true humour, and an admirable faculty of 
 taking hints from all occurrences, and improving upon them. 
 
 " London is the great fchool where you may beft culti- 
 vate this vein, and I could wifh, whenever you go thither, you 
 
 d 2 would 
 
XX THELIFEOF 
 
 would be always particularly diligent in it : don't think 
 me an enthufiaft if I fay, that 'tis poffible the time may 
 come, when Swift or Addifon himfelf fliall be no longer 
 
 regretted." 
 
 Such approbation of the work he was engaged in from 
 Mr. Berkeley and other friends, whofe judgment he highly 
 valued, coulH not but be acceptable to my father, and en- 
 courage him to perfevere in it ; for though he was in general 
 backward in feeking after, or accepting the aid of his friends 
 in his literary productions, yet this relu6tance did not arife 
 from any undue confidence in his own powers, or too fan- 
 guine expedlations of fuccefs : fo far indeed was he from 
 being vain or felf-opinionated, that it was the obfervation 
 of all who knew him, that he feldom affumed the credit 
 he was fairly entitled to, for the talents he poffefTed, and 
 thought humbly of the beft of his performances, readily 
 yielding his own opinion to that of others, whom he conceived 
 to be in any refpe6t fuperior to himfelf in knowledge or 
 abilities. 
 
 Of this diffidence a flriking inftance is afforded by that 
 which occurred relative to this poem. When finiflied it was 
 put into the hands of a friend, on Avhofe judgment he had great 
 reliance, who returned it to him with a letter full of admi- 
 ration of the poetry ; but as he faid little of the defign and 
 contrivance, or the criticifm it contains on falfe tafte and falfe 
 fcience, which were the chief objeds of the author s aim, and 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxi 
 
 on which he had beftowed his principal attention, the verfe 
 being written with great eafe and rapidity, he concluded 
 that the work was deficient in thofe requifites he wifl)ed it to 
 poffefs ; and under this impreffion he adlually threw it into a 
 drawer, where it lay for fome years, until he was flrongly en- 
 couraged by many of his friends to publifli it. 
 
 It is ufually found that men who are thus conftantly and 
 bufdy employed af homp in the altemafe nrrnpations of 
 literature and a country life, gradually withdraw them- 
 felves from general fociety, and grow daily more fond of 
 retirement: thefe habits of feclufion my father never was 
 difpofed to indulge. He thought it his duty, as much as 
 he felt it his inclination, to encourage that love of intellectual 
 improvement by rational fociety, which formed a confpicuous 
 feature of his chara6ter ; fo that when he was moll deeply 
 engaged in his favourite purfuits, he never declined an oppor- 
 tunity of obtaining the converfation of thofe from whom he 
 could exped; to reap either amufcment or in(lru(3;ion. His 
 vicinity to Gloucefter enabled him to profit by frequent 
 communications upon literary and philofophical fubje6ls with 
 Dr. Atwell *, then a prebendary of that cathedral, and 
 alfo by the converfation of the excellent Martin Benfon, at 
 that time bifliop of the diocefe. The more grave difcourfe 
 
 * Jofeph Atwell, D. D. was a very learned and ingenious man : particularly 
 converfant in fubjeds of experimental phiiolbphy and natural hiftory, as appears 
 by his correfpondence with my father. Many papers of this gentleman's are 
 publiflied in the Philofophical Tranfadtions. His acquaintance among literary 
 men was very extenfive. He died at Gloucefter in the year 1 763. 
 
 of 
 
xx^i THE LIFE OF 
 
 of thefe gentlemen was often contrafted by the fpriglit- 
 linefs and wit of Sir Charles Williams and Mr. Henry Fox, 
 which he enjoyed at the houfe of his friend and near neigh- 
 bour Lord Ducie : He was alfo very frequent in his viiits to 
 thefirft Lord Bathurft at Cirencefter. To an early intimacy 
 with his fon, Mr. Henry Bathurft, my father oAved his fkft 
 introduction to this celebrated nobleman, by whom he was 
 
 ever afterwards treated with the greatefi kindnefs and fricud- 
 
 fliip. In him was feen the plain unaffedted behaviour of an 
 Englifh country gentleman, graced by the polillied manners 
 of a court; an extenfive acquaintance with literature, united 
 to a perfe6i; knowledge of the world, and in a degree not often 
 to be met with, the gaiety of youth tempered with the expe- 
 rience and fagacit}' of age. From the converfation of fuch 
 men, the dulleft could hardly fail to derive fome improvement ; 
 but by >a young man of my father's inquifitive and compre- 
 henfive turn of mind, confiderable entertainment and informa- 
 tion would naturally be acquired ; for in whatever company 
 he found himfelf, it was always his endeavour to purfue thofe 
 topics, on which he conceived the perfons he converfed with 
 could fpeak to moft advantage, and that Avhich was worthy 
 to be remembered he feldom forgot. 
 
 Befides this circle of friends near home, his focial pleafures 
 were increafed by fiequent journies to London, Eton, and 
 other diftant places, by which means he kept up his con- 
 nexion with his fchool and college friends, who, in return, 
 ,vifited him in Gloucefterfliire. In their company he fre- 
 ,» ' quently 
 
'°''<'-awtinittii,i» >'*'**" 
 
 ■■£^//y _^Ja/Jj^rr^::y /^S^25. 
 
 rj 
 
 ry^'/'tS/Z'/^i/y , /M/y. (y^/r/y ///^ 
 
 
 t'/iy '^?ia-m^i 
 
 ■/. 
 
 PutUshnl . hau l iSo}. fy CBestland. WiM End, Hampstfod 
 
OF THE " 
 
 ^NWERSiJY 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxiii 
 
 quently made excurfions into the neighbouring parts of 
 Wales, the pidturefque fcenery of which was a conftant fource 
 of amufementtohim, though at that time comparatively little 
 known or regarded. The beauties of the Wye he was par- 
 ticularly fond of fliewing, and was fo much captivated with 
 the bold and romantic charadter of Piercefield, that he 
 treated for the purchafe of it, and was only induced to re- 
 linquifh his intention from the love offociety, which decided 
 him in the choice of a reiidence neaier London. He however 
 recommended it to Mr. Morris, and had fome fhare in making 
 thofe improvements which fhewed the peculiar and ftriking 
 features of the place to their proper advantage ; and thus 
 affifted in laying the foundation of that celebrity it has fmce 
 acquired. 
 
 I have been fomewhat more particular in the detail of 
 the various a6tive employments, which engaged his time 
 and attention at this early period of life, that the reader 
 may the better be enabled to underftand and relifli a lively 
 and interefting pi6ture drawn of him by the hand of a mailer, 
 whofe fkill in the delineation of character is fully difplayed in 
 his dramatic writings, as well as in the other produdtions of 
 his mufe. The following epillle was the genuine otFering of 
 a warm and fmcere friendfliip, founded upon ajuft view of my 
 father's worth and talents, and is written with all that play- 
 fulnefs of fancy and good humour which eminently charac- 
 terifed the pen of Mr. Whitehead. It very happily defcribes 
 the lingular facility with which his friend embraced a variety 
 
 of 
 
xxiv THE LIFE OP 
 
 of different and apparently oppofite purfuits at the fame 
 time. 
 
 Although this poem has already been publiflied in the 
 works of its author, it is no lefs entitled to a place in the 
 memoirs of him to whom it is addreffed, whofe character and 
 jnanner of life it fo faithfully records. 
 
 <TO RICHARD OWEN" CAMBRIDGE, ESQ. 
 
 '*' Dear Cambridge, teach your friend the art 
 You ufe to gain the Mufe's heart, 
 And make her fo entirely yours. 
 That at all feafons, and all hours, 
 The anxious goddefs ready Hands 
 To wait the motion of your hands. 
 
 It was of old a truth confeft 
 That poets muft have needful reft, 
 And every imp of Phoebus' quire 
 To philofophic fhades retire, 
 Amid thofe flowery fcenes of eafe 
 To pick up fenfe and fimilies. 
 Had Virgil been from coaft to coaft, 
 Like his J^"-neas, tempeft-toft. 
 Or pafs'd life's flu<5tuating dream 
 .On Tyber's or on Mincio's ftream, 
 
 He 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxv 
 
 He might have been expert in faiUng ; 
 But MaBvius ne'er had fear'd his railing, 
 Nor great Auguftus fav'd from fire 
 The reUcs of a rambling fquire. 
 
 Had Horace too, from day to day, 
 Run poft upon the Appian way. 
 In reftlefs journies to and from 
 Brundifium, Capua, and Rome ; 
 The bard had fcarcely found a time 
 To put that very road in rhyme ; 
 And fav'd great critics much expence 
 In lab'ring to miftake his fenfe. 
 
 Nay he, whofe Greek is out of date 
 Since Pope defcended to tranflate, 
 Tho' wand'ring ftill from place to place, 
 
 At leaft lay by in ftormy weather 
 ^Whate'er Perrault or Wootton fays) 
 
 To tack his rhapfodies together. 
 
 But you, reverfing every rule 
 Of ancient or of modem fchool. 
 Nor hurt by noife, nor cramp'd by rhymes. 
 Can all things do, and at all times. 
 Your own Scriblerus never knew 
 A more unfettled life than you, 
 
 e Yet 
 
xxvi THE LIFE OF 
 
 Yet Pope in Twit'nam's peaceful grot 
 Scarce ever more correctly thought. 
 In whirligigs it is confeft 
 The middle line's a line of reft ; 
 And, let the fides fly how they will, 
 The central point muft needs ftands ftilL 
 Perhaps your mind, like one of thefe, 
 Beholds the tumult round at eafe. 
 And ftands, as lirm as rock in ocean». 
 The center of perpetual motion. 
 
 That Caefar did three things at onccj 
 Is known atfchool to every dunce; 
 But your more comprehenfive mind 
 Leaves pidling Caefar far behind. 
 You fpread the lawn, diredt the flood, 
 Cut viftas through, or plant a wood, 
 Build China's barks for Severn's ftream, 
 Or form new plans for epic fame, 
 And then in fpite of wind or weather, 
 You read, row, ride, and write together. 
 But 'tis not your undoubted claim 
 To naval or equeftrian fame. 
 Your nicer tafte, or quicker parts^ 
 In rural or mechanic arts, 
 
 (Tho' 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxvii 
 
 ^ho' eacli alone in humbler ftation 
 
 Might raife both wealth and reputation) 
 
 It is not thefe that I m ould have, 
 
 Bear them, o' God's name, to your grave. 
 
 But 'tis that unexhaulted vein. 
 
 That quick conception without pain, 
 
 That fomething, for no words can (hew it. 
 
 Which without leifure makes a poet. 
 
 Sure Nature caft, indulgent dame. 
 Some ftrange peculiar in your frame, 
 From whofe well-lodg'd prolific feeds 
 This inexpreflive power proceeds. 
 
 Or does Thalia court your arms, 
 Becaufe you feem to flight her chaiTOS, 
 And, like her filler females, fly 
 From our dull afliduity. 
 If that's the cafe, I'll foon be free, 
 rU put on airs as well as flie ; 
 And ev'n in this * poetic fliade. 
 Where erft with Pope and Gay flie play'd, 
 E'en here I'll tell her to her face, 
 I've learn'd to fcorn a forc'd embrace. 
 In fliort, here ends her former reign; 
 And if we e'er begin again 
 
   Middleton Park, Oxfordfliire. 
 
 e S It 
 
xxviii THE LIFE OF 
 
 It mull be on another fcore — 
 
 I'll write like you, or write no more/* 
 
 The friendfliip for Mr. "Whitehead commenced about the 
 time when this gentleman was appointed tutor to Lord 
 Villiers, fon of the Earl of Jerfey, in the year 1744, and it 
 naturally produced an intercourfe with that family, to which 
 my father was ufed to attribute the moft agreeable events of 
 his fubfequent life. In the circle of Lord Jerfey 's family 
 he became known to the Honourable Thomas Villiers, after- 
 M^ards Earl of Clarendon, who was then recently returned 
 from concluding the treaty of peace between the King of 
 Pruffia and the Emprefs. The preference Mr. Villiers and 
 my father fliewed for each other was very foon fucceeded by 
 a clofe and brotherlike friendfhip, which never experienced 
 change or abatement. They paflTed much of their time to- 
 gether, and, as my father always refided at Mr. Villiers's 
 houfe when in London^ he was induced to vifit that place 
 more frequently. 
 
 At this gentleman's houfe he aflbciated with the moft dif^ 
 tinguiflied men of that time, with many of whom he formed 
 an intimacy produ(!^ive of much pleafure, and from whofe 
 fociety he derived confiderable adv^antage, when he afterwards 
 fettled in the neighbourhood of London, and mixed more in 
 the world. Among this number Avere Lord Granville, Lord 
 Lyttelton, Mr. Grenville, Lord Chefterfield, Mr. Pitt, and 
 Lord Batk 
 
 By 
 

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 JW'.'ls'iAj'.'iau 2 i,\\i.ly C71r,-ti^id. Wr^ KtiJ: I/jmpjtaui. 
 
THEAUTHOR. xxix 
 
 By feveral of thefe friends he was ftrongly folicited to 
 come into Parliament, and engage in public life^ As he 
 had a fmcere love for his country, a clear infight into its 
 real interefts, and a great knowledge of political affairs, which 
 he was defirous on all occafions to improve, he certainly was 
 well qualified for fo important a ftation, nor would he have 
 declined it, if at any period of his life he had felt himfelf 
 called upon by any very ftrong claim. He was remarkably 
 exempt from thofe paflfions which ufually incline men ta 
 exchange domeftic enjoyments for the toils of public bufinefs. 
 His love of fame was limited to a defire of being refpe6led' 
 and beloved by thofe in whofe fociety he willied to live ; hh 
 natural difpofition and talents were peculiarly adapted to the 
 cultivation of polite literature, and the charms of familiar cor- 
 verfation ; he therefore thought that, without any dcfertion of 
 his duty, he might give way to the preference he entertained for 
 private life. It was indeed his favourite maxim, that the pur- 
 fuit of general knowledge, and the ftudy of the liberal arts, by 
 gentlemen of independent fortunes, who have no lucrative 
 views, are of the greateft advantage to a country, and form 
 the moft marked diftiniStion between an improved and a de- 
 generate age; between a poliflied nation and a people. 
 wholly addi(5led to commerce or to arms. 
 
 His own fentiments upon the fuperior comforts of a 
 private ftation, and the value he fet upon that leifure 
 which it affords, may be colle6ted from various parts of 
 his writings ; but they are no where fo diftindly ftated as in 
 the following letter^ Avhich he wrote about this period to his 
 
 old.: 
 
rxx THE LIFE OF 
 
 old friend and fchoolfeHow, Dr. Barnard, who was then fet- 
 tled upon a curacy in the country, where he confidered 
 his learning and talents as buried in obfcurity; but from 
 whence he was foon afterwards removed, and by degrees pre- 
 ferred to fituations of dignity and affluence. 
 
 . ** O ! Titc fiquid ego adjuero — I am very forry to find you 
 frequently exprefs yourfelf not well fatisfied with the man- 
 ner in which your time paffes, and I heartily wifh I could fay 
 any thing acceptable on that head, or that even I had leifure 
 or refolution to digeil what I have to fay in any method. 
 Though I have little affurance of either, 1 lliall however go on 
 in my ufual rhapfodical way, and I knoAv you are alwa^'s fo 
 good as to take up with whatever may fall from my pen in 
 the progrefs of my letter, which never was in my thoughts in 
 the beginning : in this I imitate Montagne as well as in my 
 egotifm ; which latter is a thing I do not difapprove, as I 
 think a man muft fpeak of himfelf more knowingly, and, M'here 
 vanity <loes not interfere, with more truth and certainty. I 
 premife this, as I do not know how much I may play the 
 egotill at prefent ; for though our cafes may be far from being- 
 alike, they are fo in this refped; at leall, that they are different 
 from the generality of the world in many points, and moft 
 eminently in thefe two, that though we are not without fpirit, 
 W€ have no purfult (as I am perfuaded you underlland that 
 exprelTion 1 go on) and that though we are vigorous in queft 
 of and in the enjoyment of pleafures, they are chiefly thofe of 
 a mental or fpeculative kind, fuch as reading, converfation, 
 ..^ profpeds. 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxxi 
 
 profpedls, works of art, and all the pleaAires of the imagination : 
 from M'hich refemblance I fliall prefume to judge of the ope- 
 rations of your mind from thofe of my own. 
 
 I believe the firll thing we have to do is to enquire why we 
 are at any time lefs happy than our neighbours, and this I 
 take it is owing to refinement, or, in a plain word, nicety ; 
 for inftance, we cannot play at cards, becaufe we refledt all 
 the while, that in thofe hours, which are loft to us, we might 
 have improved our minds l)y reading or our bodies by exer- 
 cife ; and you may fuggeft to yourfelf many like cafes, which, 
 however, we are the more exempted from by having no pur- 
 fuit, and it is for that reafon, I prefume, we have both de- 
 clined it, a lucrative one I mean ; for thofe of another kind I 
 fliall mention hereafter. 1 dare fay you are not a difcon- 
 tented, man, and I would not have you think yourfelf fo ; 
 however, Horace's lines upon difcontent may be fome help to 
 us. To be fure, if you were in fome purfuit, you would not 
 be troubled with any. of thofe thoughts which you no,w 
 complain of, but then how often Avould you wifli yourfelf 
 in that otium you now enjoy ; and put the cafe to yourfelf, 
 and. I dare fay you will anfwer it with 
 
 Deus nobis haec otia fecit 
 
 Ule meas errare boves, ul cernis, ct ipfum 
 Ludere, quae vellem, calamo permifitagrefti: 
 
 are lines that I often reflect on with. tears in my eyes, through 
 joy that they are applicable to me ; and it is with the utmoft 
 
 gratitude 
 
xxxii THE LIFE OF 
 
 gratitude that I confider myfelf now in i/outh and health, in 
 the enjoyment of that retirement which is the end propofed 
 to crown the labours of thoufands who are now toihno; for 
 it, and mull never tafte it with fo ftrong a rehfli. 
 
 Now being brought together, the next thing is that we part, 
 and having found how Hke we are to each other, it will b^ 
 expedient to fee how much we are unlike. Our different 
 fortunes give me the opportunity of converfing with a greater 
 variety of mankind, and the power of betaking myfelf to that 
 converfe when tired with retirement. To you that retirement 
 is without the interruption Avhich I often experience, fome- 
 times from company, at other times from the neceflary thought 
 which mull attend the care of a family, and a larger inter- 
 courfe with the world ; perhaps, were I in your cafe, I might 
 not be able to bear with myfelf fo long as your retirement 
 enjoins, and thofe interruptions which I complain of may be 
 neceirary ingredients to my happinefs, nay the very fpurs to 
 my pleafures in retirement; but let me affure you, I often 
 wifli for your otium to accomplilh many undertakings which 
 I am now afraid to engage in; and feveral there are for 
 which I think even your leifure too fliort : do not then 
 think too lightly of that Hate which another envies, and let 
 me exhort you to throw off your indifference, when I defire 
 you to rank yourfelf not only with the fed; of the happier, 
 ;but of the happieft. Let a man employ his hours alone ever 
 ;fo well, I'll allow it -to be very hard upon him to be long with- 
 7 out 
 
T H E A U T H O R. xxxiii 
 
 out company, and not to be cheered now and then with the 
 human face divine ; but this is not your cafe, and I dare fay, 
 if 3^ou was taken up in any abftrufe fludies, you would have 
 much ado to find time for thofe neighbours you value. Your 
 greateft misfortune is your audience, in which as you would 
 not be likely to mend yourfclf much, if you had preferment 
 in every county, I would advife you to alter your main end 
 (which you otherwife rightly chofe as the end of your pro- 
 feffion) and turn your thoughts to writing, by which your 
 audience will be enlarged from a country church to a whole 
 nation, and you will have this recompence to your labours, 
 that they will receive their reward from the befl judges." 
 
 Among my father's literary friends there was none with 
 whom he lived in greater habits of intimacy, whilft he refided 
 in Gloucefterfhire, or by whom the leading points of his 
 charadler appear to have been more diftindlly appreciated, 
 than Thomas Edwards, Efq. the admired author of the 
 elegant fonnets in Dodfley's colle6tion. Of thefe the one 
 addreffed to the fubje(^ of this memoir is fo precifely defcrip- 
 tive of his prevailing fen timents, as well as of that total ab- 
 fence from vanity and ambition, which fo peculiarly charac- 
 terized him, that it deferves to be inferted ; and it will per- 
 haps be rendered more interefting to the reader, if that part 
 of his correfpondence with Mr. Edwards, which relates 
 to it, be added, including a beautiful fonnet on his own 
 
 f family 
 
xxxiv TIIELIFEOF 
 
 family pi(^ure, as well as a criticifm of my father's upon this- 
 fpecies of writing, not unworthy of notice *. 
 
 THOMAS EDWARDS, ESQ. TO R. O. CAMBRIDGE, ESQ'. 
 
   " I will even do as the news writers do, fill up my 
 
 paper with indifferent vcrfes for want of better fluff. They 
 are upon our family pi<3;ure, M'liich you have feen, and were 
 made during ray late indifpofition, when the reading of Spen- 
 fer had given me fomething of a turn towards fonnet writing. 
 The ftanza indeed is neither Spenfer's nor Milton's, but after 
 the Italian faihion, which is more artificial, and I think more 
 harmonious. But I ftiall make the porch too big for the 
 houfe, and oblige you to cry out, 
 
 " Cut off thy refledlions and give us the tale." 
 
 Here then it is, take it without farther ceremony. 
 
 SONNET. 
 
 When penfive on that portraiture I gaze 
 Where my four brothers round about me ftand, 
 
 * Among other fubjeds, I find a correfpondence relative to the mundic or 
 fliining mineral ftone, which forms the principal ornament of Mr. Pope's grotto 
 at Twickenham. Mr. Edwards having feen it ufed for a fiinilar purpofe at 
 Whitminfter, recommended it to Mr. Pope, and obtained my father's affift- 
 ance in procuring it for him, from a cliff on the banks of the Severn. Mr. Ed- 
 wards concludes one of his letters upon the fubjedt by obferving, that " as this 
 grotto, made by fo celebrated a man, will be likely virum vo/itare prrora, 
 we Khali be canied up to fame along with it like the fringe at the tail of a kite." 
 
 And 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxxv 
 
 And four fair fifters fmile M'ith graces bland, 
 
 The goodly ornament of happier days ; 
 
 And think how foon infatiate death, who preys 
 
 On all, hath cropt the reft with ruthlefs hand ; 
 
 While only 1 furvive of all that band, 
 
 Which one chafte bed did to my father raife : 
 
 It feems that like a column left alone, 
 
 Tlie tottering remnant of fome fplendid fane. 
 
 Scaped from the fury of the barbarous Gaul, 
 
 And walling Time, which has the reft o'erthrown ; 
 
 Amidft our houfe's ruins I remain 
 
 Single, unpropp'd, and nodding to my fall." 
 
 R. O. CAMBRIDGE, ESQ. TO THOMAS EDWARDS, ESQ. 
 
 ** I thank you for your fonnet, which I admire extremely; I 
 muft fay I never faw fimplicity fupported with more dignity. 
 You muft have obferved the thin partitions that are in all kinds 
 of poetry. In the fublime, between that and nonfenfe or 
 madnefs : in the paftoral, between fimplicity and rufticity ; 
 in this manner of yours, between fimplicity, and (what I don't 
 know how to exprefs but by) a nothingnefs or penury of 
 thought and e> predion : and how eafy it is to tranfgrefs thefe 
 flight bounds many authors will fliew. I am not fure whether 
 I may take it for a rule, that he who comes neareft to tranf- 
 grelfing all thefe bounds without doing it, will hit upon the 
 true crifis. But this I know, that there are many things in 
 Shakfpeare univerfally admired as thefineft, which, I think, are 
 on the wrong fide of the partition ; and again, many which are 
 
 f a exploded 
 
xxxAd THE LIFE OF 
 
 exploded as hombajt or tr'ifiing, which, foiiietimes, I can fancj 
 to be the utmoft fuccefs of true gfenius. There is nothing fa 
 dangerous, and fo doubtful of fuccefs as the fonnet. For the 
 fublime, if it does not fucceed, will have fomething glaring in 
 it, that (hall pleafe many ; but nothing in the fonnet can pleafe 
 but excellence. That, which you fent me, is, I think, the 
 greateft mafter-piece of its kind, and I muft beg you to omit 
 no opportunity of purfuing this vein, and cultivating this parti- 
 cular fpecies of writing ; not only becaufe I promife myfelf 
 you will execute it fo well, but becaufe I defpair of tht; like 
 fuccefs from any other hand/' 
 
 THOMAS EDWARDS, ESQ^ TO R. O. CAMBRIDGE, ESQ. 
 
 *' I am very much obliged to you for your favourable opi- 
 nion of my fonnets, but I do not know whether 1 am or not 
 for your exhortation, that I fliould go on and purfue that 
 manner. 
 
 " In writing that which I fent you firll, the thought flruck 
 me with fo much force, as I lay one night fleeplefs, that, 
 having a candle burning, I got out of bed and wrote down the 
 greateft part of it immediately with a pencil ; fo that it was 
 fomething like the infpiration which the poets dream of, and 
 it is fo much better than what I have elfe written, or can 
 write, that I think it would be prudent in me to burn all the 
 reft and attempt no more. 
 
 " However, 1 have long thought I owed you one among the 
 reft of my friends, for non omnibus dormio, and therefore, not- 
 
 withftanding 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxxvii 
 
 withftancling the prudence of the above-mentioned propofal, 
 I here feud it you. 
 
 SONNET. 
 
 Cambridge, with whom my pilot and my guide, 
 Pleafed I have traverfed thy Sabrina's flood. 
 Both where flie foams impetuous foil'd with mud, 
 And where (lie peaceful rolls her golden tide ; 
 Never, O never, let Ambition's pride, 
 (Too oft pretexed with our country's good) 
 And tinfell'd pomp, defpifed when underftood,. 
 Or thirft of wealth, thee from her banks divide : 
 Refledl how calmly, like her infant wave, 
 Flows the clear current of a private life : 
 See the wide public ftream, by tempefts toft, 
 Of every changing wmd the fportorflave; 
 Soil'd with corruption ; vex'd with party ftrife ; 
 Cover'd with wrecks of peace and honour loft." 
 
 About the year 1748, the death of Mr. Owen put his 
 nephew in poftelfion of that gentleman's property, which, 
 though not very extenfive,. was an acceptable addition to the 
 
 fmall income upon which he had hitherto lived ; and, by 
 his uncle's defire, he added the name of Owen to his own. 
 He was now enabled to cultivate, more at his eafe, that very 
 feled; fociety to which he had accefs ; he accordingly took a 
 
 houfe 
 
xxxviii T PI E L I F E O F 
 
 houfe in London, near his friend Mr. VilUers, where he paffed 
 two winters, but found the air difagree with his own and my 
 mother's health ; not choofing, however, to forego the plea- 
 fure of that more general intercourfe, for which he had fo 
 much rehfli, he determined to alter his plan, and, quitting his 
 feat in Gloucefterfliire, to fettle himfelf in the neighbourhood 
 of London, -where he might at once enjoy the advantage of 
 country air, and a conftant communication with the world. 
 It happened fortunately, that a villa on the banks of the 
 Thames, immediately oppofite to Richmond Hill, was then 
 upon fale ; which, from its fituation, feemed to be a refidence 
 particularly fuited to him ; accordingly, in the year 1751, he 
 made the purchafe, and eftabliflied himfelf at Twickenham ; 
 an event which contributed eflentially to the happinefs of his 
 future life, during a period of more than fifty years. 
 
 The fituation of Twickenham meadows, and the pleafing 
 appearance they now affume, are very generally known ; but 
 it is a tribute of juilice, due to his tafte, to obferve, that 
 at the time when the place came into his hands, the 
 river, with all the rich fcenery on the oppofite fliore, w as fo 
 entirely excluded from the houfe by high walls and terraces, 
 and the grounds fo crowded and disfigured by numerous ave- 
 nues, and unmeaning maffes of wood, that the afpe6l it 
 bore was the very reverfe of that gaiety and cheerfulnefs, 
 which conftitute its prefent chara6ler. 
 
 As foon as he was in pofleflion, he loft no time in making 
 
 the improvements he wiflied ; and as his good nature and be- 
 
 5 nevolence 
 
THE AUTHOR. xxxix 
 
 nevolence inclined him always to confider the pleafure he 
 might afford to otliers, he was very attentive to the effedt 
 his alterations would have from the houfes and grounds of 
 his neighbours ; but chiefly from Richmond Hill, whence he 
 knew they would be feen and enjoyed by greater numbers, 
 than from any other point of fight. On the good tafte dif- 
 played on this occafion^ he received many flattering com- 
 pliments, particularly from the celebrated Mr. Browne. 
 
 At the time of making this purchafe, he gave due confide- 
 ration to the fl:ep he was taking, well aware that a large and 
 beautiful villa in fo frequented a neighbourhood, in the pof- 
 feflion of one fond of fociety, and whofe acquaintance was 
 already very extenfive, might lead to habits of expence 
 beyond the limits of his income, and prove an occafion of 
 future embarraflinent : But he felt at the fame time, what 
 has fince been fully proved, that he knew, and could trufl; 
 himfelf ; that he poflefled a fufficient degree of felf-command 
 to incur only fuch expences as were fuited to his ftation, and 
 effential to his comfort, and to avoid thofe which originate 
 in vanity or often tation. 
 
 His mode of living at Twickenham was in the hofpitable 
 ftyle of a country gentleman : his table was furnilhed in a 
 plain but ample manner ; his houfe was always open to his 
 friends, and to thofe whom merit, talents, or knowledo-e 
 entitled to his notice ; and they were received by liim 
 with unvaried franknefs and cordiality. When a felecft party 
 was aflembled to meetfome literary chara6ter or ingenious tra- 
 veller, 
 
xl THELIFEOF 
 
 yeller, from whom entertainment or information might be ob- 
 tained, it was his care to fuit the company to each other, and 
 thus to avoid the inteiTuptions, which frequently defeat the 
 object of fitch meetings : If the converfation wandered, or got 
 into unfliilful hands, he had a moft happy talent of bringing 
 it back to the proper point, and of fuppreffing the fuperfluous 
 talker * ; which was always done with fo much dexterity and 
 fuch perfect good humour, that the perfon in queftion was 
 generally the laft in the company, who was fenfible of any 
 intention to take the converfation out of his hands. 
 
 As he never was the dupe of flattery, and always fuperior 
 ■to that meannefs, which leads men to facrifice their time to 
 unneceffary civilities or undue compliances from the fear of 
 giving offence, he was freed from thofe intrufions of imperti- 
 nence, of which Pope fo bitterly complainsf . His attentions 
 were limited to thofe who had a juft claim to them, and to- 
 wards fuch he never was deficient. Though he fought the 
 converfation of all, who could amufe or inform him, and re- 
 ceived a great variety of peifons of almoft every rank and 
 defcription at his houfe, he never gave them reafon to imagine, 
 they had a greater fhare of his regard, than they really pof- 
 felTed ; by this uniform fincerity, and the conftant care he 
 took to avoid perfonalities, and fevere refledlions, he never 
 made an enemy, or lofl a friend. 
 
 * The reader will find a humorous defcription of fuch in the 56th Effay of 
 the WoKLD. 
 
 t All fly to Twit'nam, &c. 
 
 Pope's Ep. to Dr. ArbuthnoU 
 
 In 
 
THE AUTHOR. xll 
 
 In the choice of his acquaintance, neither titles or wealth 
 were to hin\ any recommendation ; the quahties he looked 
 for and regarded, Avere worth, talents, or accomplifliments. 
 It would not, indeed, be eafj to fay, whether his independent^ 
 but refpe^lful behaviour to thofe of fuperior ftation, or his 
 kindnefs and condefcenfion to inferiors, was moft remarkable; 
 by the former he was generally efteemed and admired, and 
 by the latter he was univerfally refpe6led and beloved. To 
 thefe, indeed, his manner was peculiarly acceptable and en- 
 gaging ; thofe little attentions which he delighted to pay, 
 where he thought they would give pleafure, were fliewn in a 
 way almoft peculiar to himfelf ; and towards fuch as were 
 connedled with him he ever manifefted a fatherly regard. 
 His domeftics were made happy in his fervice ; they were 
 feldom changed; and feveral, after age and infirmities had 
 rendered them unequal to theh* duty, were ftill maintained 
 in his houfe ; which induced a lady, who was converfant with 
 the northern parts of Europe, to obferve, that his houfe re- 
 fembled a Polifti family, where all the dependents continue 
 to live under the fame roof. 
 
 From the time when my father fettled at Twickenham, 
 his name became known in the literary world as an author, for 
 in the courfe of that year he publiflied his Scribleriad. This 
 work, which is a mock Heroic Poem, defigncd to ridicule 
 and cxpofe falfe tafte and falfe fcience, could not be expected 
 to attradt the fame fliare of public attention, as if the fub- 
 
 g je(a 
 
xm THELIFEOF 
 
 jetft had been of a more popular nature, and the humour 
 fuited to readers of every defcription. This defe6l, however, if 
 fuch it can be confidered, is compenfated by the wit and 
 criticifm it contains, which is of that durable kind, and 
 founded on fuch juft principles, that the poem may be read 
 with equal pleafure, by men of judgment and learning, in 
 all times. It was much noticed and admired, on its firft ap- 
 pearance, by that clafs of readers, for whofe ufe and enter- 
 tainment it was chiefly written, and eftabliflied the reputation 
 of its author as a critic and a fcholar*. Several of his 
 fmaller pieces were publiflied foon after, which, being of a 
 livelier call and adapted to the fubjedls of the day, were more 
 generally read, and brought their author into further notice 
 and eftimation ; of thefe the moft celebrated were. The Elegy 
 written in an Empty Affembly Room, the Fakeer, and the 
 Borough Hunters. But what moft contributed to eftablifh 
 his reputation for humour, and a juft infight into character,, 
 united with an extenfive acquaintance with living manners,^ 
 were his Eflays publiflied in the World ; a periodical paper 
 
 began 
 
 *The following is the chara<Sler given of this poem, fifty years after its publica* 
 tion, by a diftinguifhed fcholar and critic of the prefent day. 
 
 " The Scribleriad is a work of great fancy, juft compofition, and poetical ele-^ 
 
 gance; but, above all, of mature judgment confpicuous throughout. It flionld 
 
 be read as well for inftruftion as amufement. The Preface is entitled to much 
 
 attention. — Note to the Shade of Pope, by the Author of the Pursuits ob 
 
 Literature. 
 
THE AUTHOR. xliii 
 
 began in the year 1752, and kept up with great fpirit for 
 four years. To an acquaintance with Mr. Moore, the con- 
 dudlor of the work, he was introduced by Lord Lyttelton, who 
 was dihgent to promote the fuccefs of this undertaking by 
 interefting men of talents in its favour. Some of my father's in- 
 timate friends had already joined in the publication; and, find- 
 ing Mr. Moore to be an amiable and deferving man, he gave 
 him the promife of afliftance whenever he was at a lofs for an 
 eflay*; of this indulgence Moore frequently availed himfelf, 
 nor did he ever apply in vain. IMany of thefe papers, there- 
 fore, were written in great hafte, and none of them with 
 laboured attention. They were, however, much reliflied and 
 admired, and as his converfation was found to partake of the 
 fame wit and humour that chara6terifed his writings, his com- 
 pany became more generally fought after. In what light he 
 
 * This ciicumftance gave orcafion to abon mot that has already appeared ia 
 print, A note from Mr. Moore, requefting an eflay, was put into my father's 
 hands on a Sunday morning as he was going to church ; my mother obferving 
 him rather inattentive during the fermon, whifpered, " What are you thinking 
 of?" he replied, " Of the next World, my dear." 
 
 I cannot help mentioning another inftance of the fame fpecies of pleafantry. 
 In one of his rides late in life, he was met by His Majefty on the declivity of 
 Richmond Hill, who, with his accuftomed condefcenfion, flopped and con- 
 ▼erfed with him ; and obferving, that " he did not ride fo fafl as he ufed to 
 do", my fadier replied, " Sir, I am going dozen hill," 
 
 g2 was 
 
x\W THE LIFE OF 
 
 was regarded by men of fuperior talents, will be feen by the 
 following character, drawn of him in one of thefe eflajs by the 
 late Earl of Chefterfield. 
 
 *' Cantabrigius -drinks nothing but water, and rides more 
 " miles in a year than the keeneft fportfman, the former keeps 
 " his head clear, the latter his body in health ; it is not from 
 " himfelf that he runs, but to his acquaintance, a fyno- 
 " nimous term for his friends. Internally fafe he feeks no 
 " fandluary from himfelf, no intoxication for his mind. His 
 " penetration makes him difcover and divert himfelf with 
 " the follies of mankind, which his wit enables him to expofe 
 " with the trueft ridicule, though always without perfonal 
 " offence. Cheerful abroad becaufe happy at home, and 
 " thus happy becaufe virtuous." 
 
 This charadler ftands at the clofe of a paper written to 
 expofe the folly and ill effects of hard drinking; and Lord 
 Chefterfield names my father, who was a water drinker, as a 
 living example of one, who did not require the exhilarating 
 aid of wine to enliven his wit or increafe his vivacity. 
 
 How far that even and regular floAV of fpirits, with which 
 he was bleffed, was the effect of conftitution, the confe- 
 quence of temperance, or of an habitual activity ; or whether 
 it arofe from an union of all the three, it may be difficult to 
 
 determine ; 
 
THE AUTHOR. xlv 
 
 determine ; but, from whatever caufe it proceeded, there is 
 «o doubt that he poffeffed in a fuperior degree the rare and 
 happy talent not only of regulating his converfation, but even 
 his fpirits, by the temper and feehngs of the company he was 
 in ; who always found him equally difpofed to liften or to 
 convcrfe, to be grave or gay, humourous or inftrudtive, as 
 beft accorded with their wilhes and inclinations : by fuch be- 
 haviour in fociety it was, " that his acquaintance foon be- 
 came a fynonimous term for his friends." 
 
 In what manner " he diverted himfelf with the follies of 
 mankind," the reader will have an opportunity of judging by a 
 perufal of his works. Certain it is, there will be found in them 
 none of that " perfonal offence" which almoft all humourous 
 and burlefque writers have allowed themfelves, and without 
 which the generality of authors feem falfely to imagine, that 
 this fpecies of writing becomes tame and infipid. That he 
 was " cheerful abroad becaufe happy at home, and thus happy 
 becaufe virtuous," is eftabliflied by the univerfal teftimony of 
 his friends, which it muft be the pride and pleafure of his 
 family to confirm. 
 
 Befides men of profeffed wit and lively parts, like Lord 
 Cheflerfield, Lord Bath, Lord Egremont, and Mr. Soame 
 Jenyns, who were folicitous for my father's company on ac- 
 count of the powers of entertainment he brought with hira, 
 •he was not lefs acceptable to men of the graveft characters 
 
 and 
 
xlvi THELIFEOF 
 
 and moft dignified ftations ; of thefe, the moft eminent was 
 Philip Earl of Hardwicke, at that time Lord Chancellor, to 
 whofe acquaintance he was firft introduced through his inti- 
 macy with Lord Royfton and Mr. Charles Yorke. 
 
 The charafter and talents of this nobleman are too well 
 known to make it neceflfary to dwell upon them, or to point 
 out the advantages, that muft arife to one, who was ever 
 diligent to improve his mind, from a familiar Intercourfe with 
 fo diftinguiflied a law;yer, and fo enUghtened a llatefman. 
 I have often heard my father mention, with pleafurc and 
 gratitude, tlie valuable information be colledled in conver- 
 fations with the Chancellor upon conftitutional fubje6ts ; and 
 more efpecially upon the great political queftions, which were 
 at that time matters of eager difcuHion. 
 
 In this family commenced an acquaintance with Count 
 Poniatowfki. The reftraints impofed by a foreign language 
 upon that playfiilnefs of converfation, in which my father de- 
 lighted, made him in general unwilling to cultivate the fo- 
 ciety of foreigners ; but he was fo much pleafed with the 
 amiable manners of this young nobleman, that he lived with 
 him in great intimacy during his ftay in England ; nor did 
 the dignity to which this prince was unexpeAedly raifed foon 
 after he quitted this country, or the troubles and misfor- 
 tunes he encountered in the latter part of his life, ever efface 
 from his mind the remembrance of their friendfliip. Of thofe 
 4 Enghflimen, 
 
^iHiaKBK?!SK&*rtS5SSSSSV-3?<VBSU2!IffiSKt:«S!!S1S?^^^^ 
 
 »S!ig;-BK-53555ESBS!Hrov:/AS5.'K«a',KftTW?iXHaS^ 
 
 OA 
 
 r^ 
 
 V/////y 
 
 (u/ZY/ 
 
 ^^Y'/r/. 
 
 ' cy/rj 
 
 //Y/r///^z/:/t€y, 
 
 ^. 66. 
 
 (/)^/iaA^7^/e// /u^ U- r>^/'^/fa/?/'. T<t^^//f /? Ar/t/^^^ /^ /^"^'V^yW^/J^ 
 
 PuhUshed. "htnc a. idos. 'by C. BeM^atdj. Wast £ndi Jlarrif^st&zd. 
 
THE AUTHOR. xlvii 
 
 Engliflimen, who came to his court, he feldom failed to 
 enquire after his old acquaintance. This will be feen by 
 an extrad of a letter to a common friend, written from 
 Warfaw by the late Lord Mansfield, who fays, " Our con- 
 " verfation turned on our Twickenham friend, his Majefty 
 " exprefled the greateft regard for him, and pleafure in being ' 
 " remembered by him : faid, he was the only man, he had 
 " ever feen in his life, in equally good fpirits at all times. He 
 " dwelt with much pleafure on many circumftances, which he 
 " called to mind, refped;ing their intercourfe whilft he was in 
 " England. At the conclufion of our converfation, the King 
 " charged me very particularly to affure Mr. Cambridge of 
 " the continuance of his friendfhip and efteem, and that he 
 " wilhed the Viftula had on her banks as good a poet, and 
 " as honeft a man, as the Thames.'' 
 
 Befides men of eminence and talent, with whom my father 
 affociated, he pofleffed the friendfhip, and enjoyed the fociety 
 of women of very fuperior merit and accomplifliments. The 
 foftnefs of manners and fprightlinefs of fancy which cha- 
 rad;erife the fex, made him always very partial to their 
 company, and his own eafy and pleafant behaviour, and 
 brilliant converfation, could not. fail to render him a general 
 favourite. Among the moft diftinguiflied of his female friends 
 were, the Marchionefs De Grey, the Duchefs of Portland, 
 Mrs. Delany, Mrs. Catharme Talbot, the Duchefs of Queenf- 
 bury, Lady Egremont, Mrs. Montagu, and Mrs. Carter. 
 
 The 
 
xlviii TIIELIFEOF 
 
 The arduous fituation in which this country found itfelf 
 at the commencement of the French war in 1756, turned the 
 attention of every confiderate man in the kingdom, to the 
 dangers that threatened it from various quarters, and to the 
 meafures neceflary to avert the impending ftorm. In the 
 general alarm my father heartily partook, and as his a6tive 
 mind was naturally anxious tp acquire early and corre6i intel- 
 ligence of the events of that interefting period, he was happy, 
 for that purpofe, to avail himfelf of the familiar footing on 
 which he lived with feveral men of the firft ftations and abi- 
 lities, whofe talents were called forth in parliament or in the 
 cabinet. 
 
 It is well known, that the unfettled ftate of parties at this 
 jundture weakened the national councils, and added confi- 
 derably to the anxiety of the public mind, whilft it greatly 
 interrupted the freedom of focial intercourfe amongft political 
 men ; but as my father was known to be perfe6lly indepen- 
 dent in his principles, attached to no fet of men or meafures, 
 beyond what was di6lated by a fincere concern for the honour 
 and profperity of his country, he was received with equal 
 cordiality by them all. 
 
 His intimacy with Lord Hardwicke's family promoted his 
 friendlhip with Lord Anfon, who had married a daughter of 
 the chancellor, a lady of rare and diftinguiflied accomplifli- 
 ments, whofe fociety was much prized by all who knew 
 
 her. 
 
 This 
 
'//'/>//: 
 
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 C-V 
 
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 ^'''y>" '■,',/ /y /_ /w/. ./,//;,.,,, ,, , /;;■../;/. 
 
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 tSlTY 
 
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 THE AUTHOR. xlix 
 
 This nobleman was then at the head of the admiralty 
 board *, where he prefided, with the exception of a few months, 
 through the whole of the war, which, however unpromifmg in 
 its outfet, proved in the event fo glorious to the Britifli arms, 
 particularly in its naval fucceffes. 
 
 At Lord Anfon's table, which was filled Avith gentlemen 
 of the navy, my father was fure to find fociety fuited to his 
 choice, and to receive the beft information refpe<Sting that 
 fervice, with the practical part of which few men, not regularly 
 bred to the fea, have been fo famiharly and corred;]y conver- 
 fant. This circumftance naturally led to an intimacy with 
 many of out moft diftinguiflied commanders, wliofe gallant 
 a6lions, whilft they afforded him the fatisfa6tion common to 
 every Englifliman, excited a deeper intereft in his mind, from 
 the perfonal efteem he entertained for thofe who concerted the 
 meafures, as well as for thofe by Avhofe bravery they Avere car- 
 ried into efFed;. But the concern he took in the naval opera- 
 
 * Dr. Barrow, in his admirable defcription of wil, has enumerated acute 
 nonfinfe, as one of its branches. In this fpecies of pleafantry my father was 
 often very fuccefsful, and found it particularly convenient in getting rid of dif- 
 agreeable fubjeds. It is mentioned in Lord Anfon's Lifcj in the Biographia 
 Britannica, that his enemies reported of iiim that he had ruined himfelf by 
 play. This was often afferted by thofe who differed with him in politics. A lady 
 of high rank in a large company attacked my father upon this fubjecft, repeat- 
 edly declaring, that fhe knew his friend Lord Anfon was a beggar — to which 
 he, having in vain aflured her, from his own conviction, that (he was miftaken, 
 replied, Madam, I can prove the contrary, to the fatisfaction of this com- 
 pany ; you all know the proverb, " fet a beggar on horfeback, and he will 
 ride — — ." Now, you have only to look at Lord Anfon, when on his horfe, to 
 be convinced that he is no beggar, but an excellent feaman, 
 
 h tions 
 
1 THELIFEOF 
 
 tions of that period, was not confined to the friends of Lord 
 Anfon; he was acquainted with almoft every feaman of diftinc- 
 tion; and Admiral Bofcawen was his particular friend : the emi- 
 nent fervices performed by him in the courfe of this war, which 
 have immortalized his name in the annals of the Britilh navy^, 
 afforded my father particular pleafure, which was heightened 
 by his friendfliip and efteem for the excellent wife of this 
 brave officer, who, in the tendered anxiety for her hulband's^ 
 fafety, never loft fight of what was due to his honour and 
 fame. 
 
 Through his acquaintance with fo many of the firft naval cha- 
 racters, my father naturally acquired early intelHgence of the 
 voyages of difcovery, that were fet on foot after the peace of 
 1762, and became fucceffively intimate with Captains Byron, 
 Wallis, Carteret, Phipps, (afterwards Lord Mulgrave) Van- 
 couver, and above all the illufi;rious circumnavigator Captain 
 Cook. With moft of thefe officers he communicated upon 
 the objed:s of their refpe6tive voyages, previous to their de- 
 parture, and fome of them he afterwards affifted in preparing 
 the accounts they gave to the pubhc of their difcoveries. 
 He was likewife known to a great variety of other voyagers, 
 and travellers, who ufually found themfelves well repaid for 
 the entertainment they afforded him, in the relation of 
 their own adventures, by the additional lights he was able 
 to throw upon the fiibjedts they fpoke of, from his own flock 
 of information, or fi-om the extenfive and valuable colkdlion 
 of voyages and travels he pofTelTed.; and by fuch other 
 
 meaaa 
 
issiBsxissass;® 
 
 (jy/^ .^. ^M/w/y. (o^/wa///^)>^^j^^//m/:^. 
 
 Tyr/fyyT^// /^rrfi^ Q.yryz//^/^, 
 
 (u/iaiai'M^ A/. (^. yif,f/fa, 
 
 
 /ii^c^uy'///' ^jra/-m.^>te/^^ 
 
 ^ FubUshed, Jvm i. ifaj. Iff CBtdUmi. WutEni. Hmnfstmi 
 
aBR>.I*3 
 
 ' OF THE 
 
 "NIVERSITY 
 
 OF 
 
 H\^ 
 
THEAUTHOR. U 
 
 means as were in his power he always endeavoured to render 
 himfelf moil ferviceable to them*. 
 
 But of the various objects that claimed the public at- 
 tention at this time, none appeared to my father of 
 greater magnitude than the ftate of our Aliatic colonies. 
 He was among the few, who faw in its true light the rapid 
 extenfion of our poffeffions in India, and viewed with fuf- 
 ficient forefight the importance of fuch an acquifition of 
 territory, both in a commercial and political view. Finding 
 how little this fubje6t was in general underftood, partly from 
 the diftance of the country, and ftill more from the diffimi- 
 larity of its whole fyftem of government, religion, and man- 
 ners from our own, he conceived that it would be an inte- 
 refting and ufeful undertaking to give a general hiftory of the 
 rife and progrefs of the Britifli power in India. 
 
 This work was intended to commence with the eftablifli- 
 ment of the firft European fettlement in that country, and 
 
 * Of this attention to colle<Sl original papers, and the defire to make them ufeful 
 to the public, a handfome teftimony is given by Mr. Horace VValpoIe, who, ac- 
 tuated by the fame liberal motives, printed at Strawberry-Hill, in the year I758, 
 " An Account of Ruflia as it was in the year 1710, by Charles Lord Whit- 
 worth." In the preface to this little book, Mr. Walpole, after dating that the 
 nianufcript was communicated to him by Mr. Cambridge, who had purchafed 
 it among a very curious fet of books, colle<5led by Monlieur Zolman, Secretary 
 to the late Stephen Poyntz, Efq. adds, " This little library relates folely to 
 *' Ruflian hiftory and affairs, and contains, in many languages, every thing that 
 *' perhaps has been written on that country. Mr. Cambridge's known benevo- 
 *' lence,'and his difpofition to encourage every ufeful undertaking, has made him 
 " willing to throw open this magazine of curiofity to whoever is inclined to 
 " compile a hiftory, or elucidate the tranfadlions of an empire almoft uuknowa 
 " even to its cotemporaries." , 
 
 h2 to 
 
lii T H E L I F E O F 
 
 to be brought down to the period of its pubhcation; but 
 perceiving a general impatience for fome authentic informa- 
 tion relative to the events that had recently happened upon 
 the coaft of Coromandel, and thinking it important that the 
 bold and artful attempts of France to wreft thefe poffeiTions 
 out of our hands, fliould be more generally known and atten- 
 tively watched, he determined to poftpone his original plan, 
 and publifli without delay fuch an account of the recent 
 tranfa6lions in that part of India, as would be moft: inflrudtive, 
 and ferve to confute the grofs raifreprefentations made by the 
 French, relative to thofe affairs. Colonel Lawrence's narrative, 
 and other authentic papers being offered to him for this pur- 
 pofe, he began with all expedition to arrange his materials 
 in the beft and mod intelligible form, adding an introdu6lion 
 and preface of his own, with fuch maps and plates as were 
 neceflary to illuilrate the fubje6t; and in a very fhort time 
 afterwards, the " Kiftory of the War upon the coaft of Coro^ 
 " mandel," made its appearance. 
 
 On the publication of this M'ork in 1761, he refumed the 
 intention of proceeding in his larger undertaking, having 
 ajready obtained permifTion of the Eaft India Company to 
 have accefs to fuch of their papers as might be requifite. He 
 had alfo a promife of Mr. Orme's papers ; but that gentle- 
 man happening to return from India at this jumSiure, with an 
 intention to publilh himfelf the hiftory which afterwards ap^ 
 peared, my father confidered that his own work would now be 
 in a great meafure fuperfluous, and therefore relinquilhed the 
 further profecution of his plan. I hava 
 
THE AUTHOR. liii 
 
 I have been induced to enter more particularly upon the 
 fubjed; of this publication, in order that the reafon may be 
 known, why it appeared in the form of a compilation rather 
 than a well-digefted hiflory, and to fliew that it was defigned 
 chiejfiiy for a temporary purpofe, to gratify the immediate 
 curiofity of the public *. The work, however, was very favour- 
 ably received, and proved highly interefting, not only in this 
 country, where it was reprinted in a fmaller fize without the 
 plates, but in Ireland and alfo in France, where a French 
 tranflation, printed at Amfterdam, found a very general cir- 
 culation, and was efteemed the faireft and moft correal re- 
 prefentation of the French proceedings in India -f. In what 
 light the book was regarded by thofc who had been in Indian 
 and who were more immediately conne(iled with the tranH- 
 
 actions 
 
 * The later accounts of India make the republication of this work unnecef- 
 fary. Thofe who wilh to refer to it as a vahiable repofitory of correct 
 and authentic information, will find it in the moft refpe6lal)le libraries. 
 
 This edition of my father's works is made to correfpond with the " War in 
 *' India," on the larger pa[)er. • 
 
 t A pleafing and unexpe6ted teftimony was afforded my father a very few 
 years before his death, of the eltimation in which this work was held in 
 France. M. Lally Tolandel, the fon of M. Lally, who commanded the French 
 foree in India in the war of 1756, happening to meet my father at a 
 friend's houfe, eagerly enquired' if he was the author of a work relative 
 to India, and being anfwered in the affirmative, fprung forward and em-r 
 braced him with great emotion, apologizing for this liberty, by a/Turing 
 h'}ia, that he was under more obhgation to him than to any man living; 
 f6r that his work had been of greater fervice than all the other documents 
 he could procure, towards redeeming his father's honour and recovering his 
 property; owing to tha clear and intelligent detail it contained- of the trani^ 
 aftions on the coaft of Coromandel, in which M. Lally bore fo principal a fliare; 
 and to the juft reprefentation it gave of the conduiSl of the French in that 
 quarter. 
 
liv T H E L r F E O P 
 
 actions there, will beft be feea by the following letter from 
 Luke Scrafton, Efq. 
 
 March 2oth, 1761. 
 
 " Dear Sir, 
 
 "I HAVE read your book with vaft pleafure, and own I 
 could not have thought it poffible for a man, who had never 
 been in the country, to enter fo deeply into the character of 
 the natives. 
 
 " The India gentlemen are much obliged to you for the po- 
 lite and obliging mention you have made of them, but more 
 for the faithful account you have given of a number of heroic 
 adtions which were unknown to the world ; for I believe no 
 hiftory abounded with more, from the days of Leonidas and 
 the Grecian heroes. 1 am amazed, when I read your intro- 
 dudt;ion, to find it upon the fame plan as my own, and yet 
 we have not met in any one obfervation, and I now regret 
 that I had not given my performance to have added to yours ; 
 but as your introdud;ion calls for mine, at leaft for fome 
 account of the Bengal affairs, in my prefent difpofition 
 I am determined to pubhfli my own ; but I intend to enlarge 
 my account of the Indian policy and government, and fliall 
 be very happy if you will favour me with your correction, 
 before I venture to the prefs. 
 
 " I have many new obfervations and refle<5lions in my own 
 
 mind, which I fliall be glad you would affift me in reducing 
 
 to order, and rendering it agreeable to the reader; and I 
 
 5 fliall, 
 
THE AUTHOR. Iv 
 
 fliall, if you will allow me, attend you from time to time at 
 Twickenham and in town for that purpofe ; for many reafons 
 I think myfelf no longer under any reflraint, with refped to 
 publifhing the Bengal affairs. 
 
 I am, dear Sir, 
 Your very obliged humble Servant, 
 
 Luke Scrafton." 
 
 The increafed iiitereft which this publication induced my 
 father to take in the affairs of India, and the intimate know- 
 ledge he had acquired relative to that fubje6t, made it a 
 favourite one with him for the remainder of his life, and 
 led to an acquaintance with moft men of experience 
 who returned from thence, and from whom he learned what- 
 ever they had to communicate worthy of notice; with 
 many of thefe he preferved a lafting intimacy ; among fuch 
 I may enumerate Lord Clive, General Carnac> Mr. Scrafton, 
 Major Pearfon, Mr. Varelft, General Caliaud, and, in particu- 
 lar, Mr. Haflings, whofe vigorous and fuccefsful exertions, for 
 the prefervation of that extenfive and valuable part of the 
 Britifh territory, over which he prefided, under circumflances 
 of peculiar difficulty and danger, engaged my father's refpe6t 
 and admiration, as much as liis private virtues won upon his 
 efteem and friend(hip» 
 
 About the year 1762, my father received a valuable acqui- 
 fition to his focial circle, in his much etteemed friend, the 
 
 amiable 
 
M THE LIFE OF 
 
 amiable author of Hermes. Mr. Harris, by obtaining a feat 
 in parliament, and foon after having a place, firil at the Ad- 
 Kiiralty Boar<l, and then at the Treafury, refided a confider- 
 able portion of the year in London, from whence he and his 
 family paffed much of their time at Twickenham. This eafy 
 and familiar intercourfe was improved by the intimate friend- 
 fliip tljat grew up between the daughters of the two famili^es, 
 which ftrengthened with their years, and now fubfifts between 
 them and ray furviving fifter ; nor can I forbear to mention, 
 the very marked refpeA and attention that was always paid to 
 my father by the children of his old friend, the prefent Earl of 
 Malmeibury and his fifters, to the very lateft period. 
 
 In the journey of life it unavoidably happens that friends, 
 who have at one period lived together in great intimacy, fhall 
 at another be feparated by a variety of accidental caufes, and 
 when they chance to meet each other again, do not 
 always appear the fame that they were before ; but of my 
 father it was frequently remarked by his oldeft acquaintance, 
 that whatever feparation took place, or under whatever cir- 
 cumftances they met him again, they always found him exa6tly 
 what they had left him, holding the fame opinions, engaged 
 in the fame purfuits, and equally glad to receive thofe who 
 had ever entitled themfelves to his efteem or notice. Of this 
 confiftency of character and fentiment I am induced to offer 
 the following teftimony, which occurs in a letter from an old 
 and intimate friend, who, had formerly paffed much of his 
 time at Twickenham, which he ufed as his country houfe, 
 
 but 
 

 X^'ft-rtt-tr f- ^fia*.ii.ft/ /y ^f '^Yfi-tf 
 
 ^R^ r/p 
 
 ftiHiJu.i ii.-- /^if yiit Arrets. J/av J jA'oj, h TCnAell. and Jl'J'aj 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ivii 
 
 but had now attained fuch a degree of eminence in the pro- 
 feffion of the law, as left him no leifure for the enjoyment 
 of his friends. 
 
 " I was more pleafed with my luck in finding you and 
 " Mrs. Cambridge, and your whole family fo well, and vifit- 
 " ing you in fine weather, than I can well exprefs ; it re- 
 " called to my mind, as I returned home, the many agree- 
 " able hours I have fpent at Twickenham in former years, 
 " with various reflections on the uniform appearance of things 
 " there during the whole period, and the changes every where 
 " elfe. This you owe to focial life mixed with philofophical 
 " retirement." 
 
 Although my father was always difpofed to draw fociety 
 about him at his own houfe, where he had very fre- 
 quent parties of feleCl friends, he Hill kept up hi? communi- 
 cation with London ; his eafy diftance from thence, and his 
 habitual adlivity, enabling him to preferve his intercourfe with 
 it till very late in life. When not called to London by a fixed 
 engagement, he was accuftomed, being a very early rifer, to 
 reach town as foon as he expected to find any of his friends 
 vifible ; to divide his morning as the various purfuits of his 
 mind directed ; and, in addition to the lighter topics of the 
 day, he ufually coUedled fome folid and valuable acquifitions 
 upon literary or other profitable fubjeds, and returned home 
 with a mind recreated and improved. 
 
 After a day fo fpent, it was his conftant practice and gi*eateft 
 pleafure to colledt his family round him, and communicate to 
 
 i them 
 
Iviii THE LIFE OF 
 
 them whatever he had met with either of amufement or 
 more ferious inftru<Ivlion. That he made my mother his- 
 eompanion on all occafions has been already noticed; 
 this tendernefs of affedlion extended to his children, whom 
 he delighted in having about him, and with whom, while 
 he retained the authority of a parent, he always lived 
 upon the footing of a fond brother. From his fociety there- 
 fore they were never excluded, they partook of all that was 
 interefting to him, his ftudies were carried on while they fur- 
 rounded him, and his library was the common room of the 
 femily. 
 
 Towards the conclufion of the year 1 773 my father expe- 
 rienced the lofs of a very near neighbour and much efteemed 
 friend, Andrew Stone, Efq. who had been fub-preceptor to 
 His prefent Majefty, and was afterwards made Treafurer of 
 the Houlhold to the Queen. This honourable office he held 
 to the time of his death, which took place, after a fliort ill- 
 nefs, on the 1 7th of December, on which day my father had 
 feen and converfed with him for fome time. For this gentle- 
 man he entertained a very high efteem, and of his extenfive 
 knowledge, his temperate judgment, and his unfliaken virtue, 
 he ever fpoke in the warmeft terms, always confidering him- 
 felf inftrudled and improved by his converfation. Among 
 the numerous friends with whom my father lived in habits of 
 great intimacy at this time,, and reforted to in his frequent 
 vifits to London, I mull alfo name Dr. John Egerton, the late 
 Biihop of Durham. Their fiiendfliip commenced at an early, 
 period, and was mutual in its warmth and duration.. 
 
 € , JDfe 
 

 '■}' 
 
 (('' /^f/>ff /'^'^ ^ ' ._ '^'h:i //>'/// ,//>r. 
 
 /// // - / fr'r/. 
 
 y y'^v^^'/ 
 
 FuHuhM June i idoj, fy (' Brsdnfifi. Wet J-^tid. Hcofipstrad 
 
OF THf * \ 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ik 
 
 It was a fortunate circumftance that, added to the focial ad- 
 vantages arifing from its vicinity to London, his refidence at 
 Twickenham was rendered more interefting and agreeable to 
 him as he advanced in Ufe, by the acceffion of feveral of his 
 old and intimate acquaintance who fettled around him ; be- 
 fides Mr. Horace Walpole, Mr. Wray, and one or two 
 other friends whom he found already eftabliftied there, he 
 had the addition of Lord Hardwicke, Sir Richard Lyttelton, 
 Lord Camelford, Mr. Welbore Ellis, and fome others, who, 
 at different times, came to refide near him; and he had 
 alfo another very valuable acquifition, when Lord North 
 became his neighbour, foon after he was prime minifter, 
 in confequence of Lady North's appointment to the ranger- 
 fhip of Bufliy Park. It is well known, that this nobleman 
 was eminent for his focial talents, and particularly for a 
 vein of comic humour, that was exad;ly fuited to my fa- 
 ther's tafte. 
 
 The time Lord North pafled at Bufiiy was that of relaxa- 
 tion from public bufmefs; he then ufually devoted fome 
 hours of the day to exercife on horfeback, when my father was 
 his almoft conftant companion ; in thele rides he was gra- 
 tified by hearing early and corred; intelligence of the im- 
 portant public events, that took place during the adminiftration 
 of this minifter, as well as by thofe failles of wit and plea- 
 fantry, wherein Lord North fo much excelled *. Having fre- 
 quently 
 
 * Among the many inftances my memory affords me of the lively hu- 
 mour with which their converration abounded, I am induced to offer the fol- 
 
 i 2 lowing : 
 
Ix THELIFEOF 
 
 quently noticed this familiar intercourfe with perfons high in 
 minifterial office, I feel it a duty due to that difintereftednefs 
 and independence of character which marked every a6lion of 
 his whole life, to obfer\^e, that from none of them did he ever 
 afk or receive for himfelf, or any of his family, the moll trivial 
 favour. 
 
 Another of his neighbours, whofe unrivalled excellence in 
 his profefllon had long excited my father's admiration, and 
 led to an early intimacy between them, was Mr. Garrick ; 
 this was increafed by their mutual relifh for our great dra- 
 matic bard, and the quick infight they both poffefled into 
 charad;er and manners. 
 
 It is natural to imagine, that in a fociety compofed of the 
 perfons I have named, frequent effufions of wit and humour 
 would circulate. On fuch occafions my father was never 
 relu6lant to bear his part. Of thefe lighter productions of 
 his pen, intended only for the amufement of his particular 
 friends, fome will appear in the following collection,* but it 
 
 will 
 
 towing : As my father entered the room one morning, Lord North obferved 
 to him, that he had written a very handfome letter to his old friend and fchool- 
 fellow. Dr. , giving him the Deanery of and put it into his 
 
 hands, which having read he replied, " Yes, the letter is very handfomely expreff- 
 ed, and all very true, but fhews plainly how little you know of your bufinefs as a 
 minifter. It reminds me of a ftory of an Irifh peafant, who, upon feeing a 
 partridge that was Ihot, fall from a conliderable height, picked it up, and run>- 
 ning with it to the gentleman who had killed it, cried out, " Arrah, your honour 
 Deed not have ftiot ; the fall would have killed him. — ^The deanery was fuihcient 
 for one man, the letter ftiould have been fent to the unfuccefsful candidate." 
 
 * The pleafant and lively manner in which the author was ufed to repeat 
 many of thefe poetical trifles, certainly added much tp their value, and will not 
 
 foon 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ixi 
 
 will be remembered that in moll vers de focietfe, the local 
 and perfonal allufions they contain, often conftitute the chief 
 part of their merit, in tiu) fmall circle they are intended for, 
 and render them lefs interefting to readers, not acquainted 
 with the circumftances to which they refer. 
 
 The following correfpondence with Mr. Garrick, although 
 it partakes in fome degree of this defcription, may not be 
 unacceptable. It took place on the breaking up of an agree- 
 able party at Burleigh, the feat of the Earl of Exeter, where 
 they had fpent fome days together. 
 
 Mr. Garrick, upon leaving the place, fent the following lines 
 from the firft ftage of his journey. 
 
 GARRICK TO CAMBRIDGE, 
 
 When you bid me farewell, I was mute and was dull> 
 A little too felfifli, my heart was too full ; 
 1 faw you quite happy, myfelf the reverfe, 
 You bid me farewell when I could not /"are worfe, 
 I parted with thee, who, without fpleen or fatire^ 
 Delighteft with me in the whimfies of nature. 
 
 I left thee with Cecil, our right noble hoft 
 
 O Cambridge, the worth of fuch men thou well know'ft. 
 
 With 
 
 foon be forgotten by his friends ; to keep alive that pleafing remembrance is- 
 one inducement for their publication. The only motive he had in writing, or 
 in repeating them, was, one always aftive in his mind, a defire to give pleafure j. 
 that fame principle influenced him in the future difpofal of them. He autho- 
 rized his family to give to the world fuch as might add to the public ftock of in- 
 nocent amufement, and it is hoped the bias of partiality and affedtion has not 
 perverted their judgment in the fele(5iion that has been made. 
 
Ixii THE LIFE OF 
 
 With Patoim too I left tliee, and left thee with Weft, 
 
 Who in painting will tell thee and do what is beft. 
 
 AVith the great planner Browne, who's himfelf the beft plan, 
 
 I envy his genius, yet doat on the man. 
 
 Then be not furprifed I was filent and furly, 
 
 I left you with thefe, and I left you at Burleigh. 
 
 Cambridge's answer. 
 
 When Garrick and his lovely fpoufe 
 Left Burleigh's hofpitable houfe, 
 A tear was dropt from every eye. 
 From every bofom burft a figh ; 
 Each look'd on «ach, but look'd in vain 
 For confolation in their pain. 
 Then I, who moft of all regret ye, 
 Sought for amufement in Baretti * ; 
 But Cecil -f- and his tutor Wefton, 
 With foil in hand and fencing veft on. 
 Made fuch loud lunges o'er my head, 
 I minded nothing that I read. 
 Weft with Patoun, his ancient crony, 
 To Raphael flies and Pordonone, 
 And to prepare a fovereign varnilh, 
 That time fliall neither crack nor tarnifli. 
 
 Weft 
 
 • Baretti's Travels into Italy were then jull publiflied, 
 t Mr. Cecilj the prefent Marquis of Exeter. 
 
THE AUTHOR. kiii 
 
 Weft fends his gentle wife to ftew well 
 
 An ounce of gum in water gruel, 
 
 And Raphael fliines a perfe6l jewel. 
 
 Depreft his genius planner Browne 
 
 In puns his feeling ftrives to drown ; 
 
 Our gen'rous hoft, intent for lack 
 
 Of thee " to hang his heavens with black/' 
 
 Prevented was by a6tive herald 
 
 Difpatch'd by Briftol and Fitzgerald, 
 
 She, as moft other ladies do, 
 
 Took a fliort tranfitory view; 
 
 Their eyes on glafs not pi6lure thrown. 
 
 They fee no painting but their own. 
 
 No lefs in hafte her brother Briftol, 
 
 Came and Avas gone like flafli of piftol. 
 
 My wife, poor woman, much addicted 
 
 To be Avith filent grief afflicted, 
 
 What can her a£lion reprefcnt 
 
 But patience on a monument ? 
 
 At fuch a time, to each Aufrere; 
 
 That happy yet unhappy pair, 
 
 'Tis vain to offer confolation, 
 
 They wifli to prad;ife refignation : 
 
 And for the happier Pelhams *, Hymen 
 
 Will tell you what they pafs their time in. 
 
 It 
 
 * Mr. Pelham, the prefenl Lord Yarboroughj was recently married to 
 Mifs Aufrere. 
 
kiv THELIFEOF 
 
 It has been already noticed, that at Eton my father was 
 an excellent a6lor. This tafte he retained through life, but 
 his great love of friendly and elegant fociety prevented his 
 ever being a frequenter of theatrical entertainments ; he was, 
 however, a conftant reader of dramatic writings, in various 
 languages, and often to his family and particular friends read 
 them aloud with admirable humour and efFedt. At Mr. 
 Garrick's requeft, he Avas induced to write the two Epilogues 
 which will be found in this volume. The one was fpoken 
 by Mifs Pope for her benefit, and was the firft Ihe ever 
 delivered; the other was for a daughter of the celebrated 
 Mrs. Pritchard, on a like occafion. 
 
 Among the men of literary eminence, for whofe learning 
 and genius he entertained an high refped;, the name of our 
 great chriftian moralift. Dr. Johnfon, muft not be omitted ; 
 to an intercourfe with him is owing a very pleafing and cor- 
 re6l {ketch of my father's character, tafte, and purfuits, at a 
 more advanced period of his life. It is written by Mr. Bof- 
 well, the faithful and minute biographer of Dr. Johnfon ; who, 
 after relating, in his ufual lively and entertaining manner, the 
 particulars of a converfation that paffed in one of the Doc- 
 tor's vifits at Twickenham, for a more correiSt account of 
 which he had referred feveral years afterwards to my father, 
 fubjoins the following note : 
 
 " I gratefully acknowledge this and other communications 
 ** relative to Dr. Johnfon from Mr. Cambridge, whom, if a 
 
 " beautiful 
 
THE AUTHOR. kv 
 
 *' beautiful villa on the banks of the Thames, a few miles 
 " diftaht from London, a numerous and excellent library, 
 " which he accurately knows and reads, a choice collection 
 " of pictures which he underftands and reliflies, an eafy for- 
 " tune, an amiable family, an extenfive circle of friends and 
 " acquaintance diftinguiflied by rank, fafhion, and genius, 
 , " a literary fame various and elegant, and ftill increafmg, 
 " colloquial talents rarely to be found, and Avith all thefe 
 " means of happinels enjoying, when well advanced in years, 
 *' health and vigour of body, ferenity and animation of mind, 
 " do not entitle to be addreffed " Fortunate Senex," — 
 " I know not to whom in any age that expreffion could with 
 " propriety be ufed. Long may he live to hear and feel it !" 
 
 When this was written, the collection of pictures here 
 alluded to was a fource of confiderable amufement to him. 
 He had a general relifli for all the fine arts, except mufic, 
 of which he profeffed to have no knowledge; but paint- 
 ing was decidedly his favourite; and in this he had a 
 moll correct and dillinguilliing tafte. His chief atten- 
 tion was directed to hiftorical compofition, and what- 
 ever of that kind was excellent, he ftudied with minute 
 attention, and criticifed with admirable judgment. Early 
 in life he had feen whatever pictures were of known 
 excellence in this country. It is however worthy of remark, 
 that, notwithftanding the fpirit with which he engaged in 
 every purfuit, he never allowed it to carry him beyond the 
 ftriCteft limits of moderation ; the preference therefore he en- 
 tertained for painting, did not induce him to forget thofe 
 
 k prudential 
 
Ixvi THE LIFE OF 
 
 prudential confiderations which formed the bafis of his con- 
 du(^t through Hfe : the valuable and pleafing collection he 
 became poflTeffed of was formed by degrees, at a compara- 
 tively fmall expence. 
 
 His fondnefs for this art led him to an acquaintance with 
 its moft eminent profeflfors, and fuch encouragement as it was 
 in his power to give he never withheld ; his houfe was always 
 open to men of merit, whofe fuccefs he was ever ready to 
 promote ; and, in judging and Ipeaking of their performances, 
 he exercifed his ufual candour. Sir Jofhua Reynolds was 
 among his intimate acquaintance ; whofe fuperior tafte and 
 execution he warmly admired, no lefs than his amiable 
 manners, and extenfive knowledge of all fubje6ts, that can 
 engage an elegant mind. 
 
 To various other artifts he extended his friendly re- 
 gard. The pictures, from whence the engravings of the 
 author in the Frontifpiece, and of the view of Twickenham 
 meadows are taken, w^ere each of them tributes of gratitude 
 for perfonal kindneffes received in his houfe ; the former from 
 Ozias Humphry, Efq. the latter from Mr. Webber, the in- 
 genious draftfman, who accompanied Captain Cook in his 
 laft voyage to the South Seas. 
 
 From many of the evils attendant on long life my father 
 had hitherto continued happily exempt ; but there are fome, 
 we know, that are the appointed companions of age, againft 
 whofe approaches no precaution can afford fecurity, and to 
 the painful effects of which no philofophy can render us in- 
 fenfible. Of this number, the lo(§ of friends is juftly regarded 
 
 as 
 
WILLIAM VISCOUNT BARRINGTON AX:j^. 
 
. OF THE * \ 
 
 I UNIVERSITY ] 
 
 'V _ "OF / 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ixvii 
 
 as one of the moft diftreffing. The year 1793 was marked 
 by the breaking up of an old and cordial friendfliip, by the 
 death of Lord Vifcount Harrington. His Lordship was one. 
 of thofe who had early in life become attached to my 
 father, and they were never feparated for any length of time ; 
 when moft deeply engaged in public bufmefs, he always 
 found leifure for his friend's fociety at Twickenham, in 
 which he took particular pleafure, and to enjoy which he was 
 very frequent in his vifits to that place. In the courfe of the 
 fame year my father fuftained the lofs of his old fchoolfellow, 
 and much efteemed friend, Mr. Aldworlh Neville ; whofe ami- 
 able manners, and chearfulnefs of temper made him univer- 
 fally beloved ; between them was uniformly preferved that 
 reciprocal affection which began almost in infancy, and con- 
 tinued for upwards of feventy years. 
 
 Although my father was now drawing into the fliade of 
 domeftic retirement, the year 1798 gave rife to a very honour- 
 able and unexpe6ted teftimony of the high eftimation in 
 which his literary and focial character ftill continued to be 
 regarded by men of letters. It comes from the pen of the un- 
 known but very ingenious author of the Purfuits of Literature, 
 who, on the republication of that Work, in the feventh edition, 
 fent a copy of it to Twickenham, through the hands of his 
 bookfeller, Mr. Becket, with an elegant addrefs, written on 
 the blank leaf facing the title page ; of which the reader is 
 here prefented with a fac fimile. 
 
 In the fame year, a tranflation of the quotations in the 
 prefaces and notes of the above Work being publiflied, a 
 
 k 2 copy 
 
Ixviii THELIFEOF 
 
 copy of that book was likewife tranfmitted through the fame 
 channel, with a fecond dedication not lefs elegant or com- 
 plimentary*. 
 
 My father was confiderably advanced in his eighty-third 
 year before he Avas fenfible, to any confiderable degree, of the 
 infirmities of age ; but a difficulty of hearing, which had for 
 fome time gradually increafed, now rendered converfation 
 troublefome and frequently difappointing to him. Againft this 
 evil his books, fui which his relifli was iioL abuted, had hitherto 
 furniftied an eafy and acceptable refource; but, unfortu- 
 nately, his fight alfo became fo imperfed;, that there were 
 few books he could read with comfort to himfelf. His general 
 health however remained the fame, and his natural good fpirits 
 and cheerfulnefs of temper experienced no alteration. Having 
 ftill the free ufe of his limbs, he continued to take his ufual 
 exercife, and to follow his cuftomary habits of life, accepting 
 of fuch amufement, as converfation would afford, from thofe 
 friends who had the kindnefs to adapt their voices to his pre- 
 vailing infirmity; and that he ftill retained a lively concern in 
 all thofe great and interefting events, which were then taking 
 place in Europe, may be feen in fome of his latefi: productions. 
 But as his deafnefs increafed, he felt himfelf grow daily more 
 unfit for the fociety of any but his own family, into whofe 
 care and protedtion he refigned himfelf with the moft affec- 
 tionate and endearing confidence, receiving thofe attentions, 
 which it was the firft pleafure of his children to pay him, not 
 
 as 
 
 * It may be proper to obferve, that mj' father always remained wholly igno- 
 rant of tlie author of this diftinguilhed worii. 
 
u 
 
 •of THE 
 
 NIVERSITY 
 
 OF 
 
 -V 
 
l.L'ruLm. lUbluhrd ty Mc/i" r<i,M/ K Ihiyu.t, Jim,- 4 ificg , 
 
THEAUTHOR, hm 
 
 as a debt due to a fond and indulgent parent, but as a free 
 and voluntary tribute of their afFe(Slion. In the contemplation 
 of thefe tokens of efteem and love, he feemed to experience a 
 conftant and unabating pleafure, which fupplied, in no fmall • 
 degree, the want of other interefting ideas. 
 
 It is well known, that among the many painful and humi- 
 liating effects that attend the decline of life, and follow from a 
 partial decay of the mental powers, we have often to lament, 
 the change it produncs in the heart and aire6tious ; but from 
 every confequence of this fort my father was moft happily 
 exempt. This I allow myfelf to fay upon the authority of 
 the medical gentleman*, of confiderable eminence, by whofe 
 fkill and friendly attentions he was affifted through the pro- 
 greffive ftages of his flow decline,; . and who has repeatedly 
 aflured me, that, in the whole courfe of his extenfive pradtice, 
 he had never feen a fimilar inftance of equanimity and un- 
 deviating fweetnefs of temper,. 
 
 During this gradual increafe of feeblenefs, and with the 
 difcouraging profped; of ftill greater fuffering, which he saw 
 before him, his exemplary patience and conftant care to 
 fpare the feelings of his family were eminently confpi- 
 cuous; nor did the diftrefling infirmities, infeparably at- 
 tendant on extreme debility, ever produce a murmur of com- 
 plaint, or even a hafty or unguarded expreflion. It is fome- 
 what Angular, and may be regarded as a proof of an un- 
 ufually strong frame, that no fymptom of difeafe took place ; 
 all the organs of life continued to execute their refpedive 
 
 • David Dundafsj Efq, of Richmond. 
 
 fundions, 
 
Ixx THE LIFE OF 
 
 functions, until nature, being wholly exhaufted, he expired, 
 without a figh, on the 17th of September, 1802, leaving a 
 wixlow, two fons, and a daughter. 
 
 Of Lord Chefterfield, who, like my father, poffeffed his 
 faculties to the clofe of life, it is recorded, that the laft 
 words he uttered " were ftridlly in chara6ler;" and the 
 remark made by his phyfician Dr. Warren, upon that oc- 
 cafion was, that " his good breeding would only quit him 
 "with his life*." I fhall hope for indulgence in applying the 
 like obfervation to him, who is the fubje6t of this memoir, and 
 whofe lateft words Avere equally charaderiftic ; exprefling 
 that fond attachment to his family, which had ever been his 
 ruling paffion. Having paffed a confiderable time in a fort 
 of doze, from which it Avas thought he had hardly ftrength 
 to revive, he awoke, and upon feeing me, feebly articulated 
 " how do the dear people do ? t}-" when I anfwered that they 
 were well ; with a fmile upon his countenance, and with an 
 inereafed energy of voice, he replied, " I thank God ! " and 
 then rejDofed his head upon the pillow, and Ijpoke no more. 
 
 .I.N the preceding pages, frequent occafion has been taken 
 to reprefent the favourable light in which, not only my fa- 
 ther's literary character, but alfo his moral and focial qua- 
 lities, were regarded by the Avorld, during his life. 
 
 The event of his death, and the very patient and compofed 
 manner in which he fuftained himfelf through its clofmg 
 fcenes, brought alfo from his friends many gratifying tefti- 
 
 monies 
 
 * Life of Lord Chefterfield, Se<S. vi. 
 
 t His ufual mode of naming his wife and children. 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ixxi 
 
 monies of refpe6l to his memory. Of thefe I am induced, 
 with the kind permiffion of the writer, to offer one I re- 
 ceived from a character defervedly high in the eftimation of 
 the world ; who, in his facred office, has zealoufly laboured 
 to promote thofe principles, the practical influence of which 
 was fo ftrongly exemplified throughout the life of his de- 
 parted friend. 
 
 Sundridge, Sept. 3i, i8o2. 
 " Dear Sir, 
 
 "Mrs, Porteus and I feel much obliged to you, for giving 
 us fo early and fo very comfortable an account of the laft mo- 
 ments of your excellent father. He died as he lived, like a good 
 man and a fmcere Chriftian, and bequeathed to you and all 
 his family, every confolation that could poffibly alleviate fo 
 melancholy an event. The fame good principles that made 
 him happy in his life and in his death, will render you all 
 contented and refigned under fo fevere a lofs. 
 
 " The charadter given of him in the public prints did not 
 efcape me : I read it with pleafure : it is Avritten well, and 
 what is ftill better, with perfed; truth. For my own part, I 
 have only to pray that my latter end may be like his. 
 
 *' Sincerely wifhing you and all the good family as much 
 compofure as fo recent a calamity will admit, I remain, dear 
 Sir, (with Mrs. Porteus's kind refpe6ls to you all) 
 
 " Your very faithful fervant, 
 
 '^ B.London." 
 
 AFTER fo ample a detail of my father's life, and'the many 
 teftimonies produced from others illuftrative of his chara6ler, 
 
 little 
 
IxxiL THE LIFE OT 
 
 little more can be required to give the reader a juft and com- 
 plete idea of it. 
 
 At an early age he attentively examined the evidences of 
 Chriftianit}^ and was fully fatisfied of its truth. His was, in 
 the trueil fenfe, the religion of the heart, and he always felt 
 that a conftant conformity to its precepts Avas the ftrongeft and 
 bell proof he could give of the fmcerity of his faith. Of its pre- 
 fcribed forms and exterior duties, he was no lefs a llridl ob- 
 ferver ; whatever were his engagements, he conftantly paffed 
 his Sundays at home with his family, at the head of whom 
 he never failed to attend the public fervice of the day, until 
 prevented by a bodily infirmity, for fome years before his 
 death ; but he ftill continued his practice of reading prayers 
 to them every evening ; a ufage of more than fixty years ; 
 thefe were taken from our Liturgy, of which he was a great 
 admirer. 
 
 When no longer able to partaKe of the Communion at 
 church, he continued to receive it at home, on the feftivals 
 and other fuitable occafions, to the lateft period, and his 
 manner of joining in this fervice, fumilhed an edifying 
 example of the happy influence of a mind void of offence 
 towards God and towards man. 
 
 His devotionail exercifes were always expreflfed in fo fo- 
 lemn a manner, and with fuch unaffe6led piety, as fliewed that 
 his lips fpoke the language of his heart ; but his impreffive 
 vtone of voice, when offering praife and thankfgiving, marked 
 that to be the branch of worlliip moft fuited to his feelings ; 
 and in conformity with this fentiment, he frequently re- 
 jfc marked. 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ixxiii 
 
 marked, " that in our petitions we are liable to be raided both 
 " as to their object and motive ; but in expreffing our thankf- 
 " givings to the Deity we can never err, the lead favoured 
 " among us having received fufficient tokens of the 
 " bounty of Providence, to excite emotions of the lincereft 
 " gratitude." 
 
 This principle of piety led him alfo to bear afflictions in 
 the moll exemplary manner. Whatever trials or deprivations 
 he experienced through life, he always met with fortitude, 
 and his demeatiour under the lofles which he was ordained to 
 fuffer in his own family, was fuch, that thofe only who faw 
 him near, and knew how facred he held the duty of fubmiffion 
 to the Divine Will, and the felf command this produced, 
 could form any idea how poignantly I hey were felt. 
 
 In eftimating his literary acquirements, he is to be regarded 
 rather as an elegant, than a profound fcholar. The livelinefs 
 of his parts was more adapted to quick difcernment than 
 deep thinking ; he had therefore but little inclination for abftrufe 
 ftudies, or thofe refearches which demand laborious inveftiga- 
 tion. In other branches of learning, his knowledge was fo 
 general and extenfive, that it is not eafy to fay towards which 
 he was moft inclined. There were few works of the ancients 
 of any reputation, v/ith which he was not converfant, and on 
 which he was notable to give a critical and judicious opinion; 
 but thofe of moft diftinguifhed merit, efpecially among the 
 Poets, he was accurately acquainted with, and they were to 
 him a never-failing fource of inttruCtion and delight. 
 
 I His 
 
Ixxiv THELIFEOF 
 
 His expeditious manner of extracting from books all the 
 ufeful matter they contained was very remarkable, and what- 
 ever his judgment feled;ed, his memory was fure to retain ; 
 whilft all that was trifling and ufelefs feemed to be inftantly 
 effaced from his mind ; thus his reading was more profitable 
 and extenfive than that of moft perfons profelTedly devoted 
 to Itudy. In converfation, the quicknefs with which he caught 
 allufions, could only be equalled by the rapidity with which 
 he furniflied them. In quotations he was particularly ready^ 
 not only from the ClafTics *, but from various other authors. 
 Thefe, however, were never pedantic or obtrufive, but ufually 
 illullrative of fome critical remark, or fo applied as to convey 
 an original fenfe of his own, and that often very humourous 
 and witty. The mottos to his Effays in the World will ex- 
 emplify this, particularly that to the paper upon turtle* 
 eating. 
 
 He was fond of fhewing the uniformity of human nature in^ 
 all ages, by the ready application of paiTages in ancient writers 
 to modern manners and the moft recent events, of which 
 frequent examples will be found, in the parodies and imita- 
 tions that are contained in this volume. He had a correct' 
 knowledge of nxoft of the languages of the fouth of Europe, 
 
 efpccially 
 
 * Being employed by a friend to build him a boat, f6r a piece of water, in* 
 ihe moft central part of England, he had the following appofile line from ihft- 
 <i)dYfley of Homer carved round the gunwale. 
 
 'Ei(re>t£ Toif 'a^ixr)«» oi oux t(r«(r* iolXxa-trav, 
 
 Gd. Vl21.. 
 
     Journey, till thou haft found 
 
 A people who the fea know not.   
 
 CowPERs' Od. B. 11. L. i49» 
 
THE AUTHOR. kxv 
 
 efpecially Spanifli, and underftood Ihem fufficiently to relifli 
 the works of their beft authors, m ith many of which he 
 was acquainted, that are but htt.le known in the countries 
 where they were written. But while he purfued inftru(^ion 
 and entertainment in thefe vaiious languages, his talents were 
 employed chiefly in cultivating his native tongue, of which 
 he was an accurate critic both in profe and verfe. 
 
 His fondnefs for books ferved to increafe rather than di* 
 minifli his ftudy of human nature. His infight into men was 
 corre6t, judicious, and acute; he viewed with the eye of a 
 philofopher the influence of the pafllons, not only in the 
 great and leading points of human condu6t, but in the trifling 
 incidents of common life. 
 
 The follies of mankind excited his mirth rather than his 
 fpleen ; but his vein of comic humour was ever regulated by 
 that native benevolence, which would not allow him volun- 
 tarily to infli6i the flighteft pain. Jn conformity with this 
 fentiment, it was ufual with him to fay, " The world has given 
 " me credit beyond what I deferve for the witty things I may 
 " have faid ; but I have infinitely more merit for thofe I have 
 " fupprefled." 
 
 Few private men have led fo adtive a life, or mixed with 
 fuch various defcriptions of people, without being involved in 
 any perfonal difficulty or ferious difagreement. This may 
 be imputed to a firm and uniformly dignified deportment, 
 joined to a calm and peaceable difpofition, which made him 
 always anxious, in the impreflive language of Solomon, " to 
 leave off contention before it be meddled with." 
 
 1 2 la 
 
Ixxvi THE LIFE OF 
 
 In his political, as well as all other opinions, he mEini- 
 fefted that candour which arofe from knowledge as well as 
 temper ; towards perfons in power he was favourable in his 
 judgment, from a juft view of the difficulties they have to en- 
 counter, but on no occafion was he ever known to flatter pri- 
 vate vice, or excufe a negle6t of public duty. His life and 
 principles were alike free from corruption; his purity and iu- 
 dependence equally untainted. 
 
 He was always difpofed to give his fociety to young menv 
 firft entering into the world-, Avhom he faw defirous of profiting 
 by his knowledge and experience, and who were fuf- 
 ficiently enlightened to enjoy his converfation ; many of 
 thefe friendfliips, formed with perfons perhaps thirty years 
 younger than himfelf, he preferved to the laft, and fhewed a 
 fatherly intereft in their welfare, giving them fuch advice as 
 was highly ufeful, both for their public and pjivate condu(9r. 
 One of thefe friends, who has now been long in political life, 
 and who, by the upright and able part he has a6led, does 
 equal honour to himfelf and fervice to his coun4;ry, has often 
 declared tome, that there is no part of his parliamentary con- 
 duct, he reflects upoa with more pleafure, tluin the line 
 he purfued in thofe great queftibns, upon which he moft con- 
 ferred with my father, and ija which he moil, accorded, with) 
 his fentimenta. 
 
 SHOULD I, in this account of the life of a revered parent^ 
 be thought to have been too minute, I truft I may claim;- 
 fome indulgence to an anxious Avilh, that he fliould be re- 
 membered 
 
THE AUTHOR. Ixxvii 
 
 membered principally for thofe qualities, which, during his 
 long life, gained him the efteem of his numerous friends, and 
 Avhich now do moft honour to his memory. 
 
 Although the reader may have found in the preceding 
 pages little to engage his attention by the recital of great 
 events, to provoke emulation by the difplay of profound, 
 erudition, or to excite induftry by the example of intenfe 
 ftudy, I ftill prefume to hope, that thefe memoirs may have 
 their ufe, by furnifhing that clafs of men, to which my father 
 belonged, men of eafy and independent fortunes, who have a 
 tafte for the liberal arts, and a relilh for the pleafures of* 
 poliflied life, with a pra6lical example of one who fucceeded 
 totheutmoft of his wiflies in the attainment of rational hap- 
 pinefs; from whofe experience they may learn that the enjoy- 
 ments of the world are not inconfiftent either with religion or- 
 virtue, with philofophical retirement, or Avith domellic hap-- 
 pinefs; and that the favour of the great, the efteem of the 
 learned, and the admiration of the witty, may be obtained,, 
 without any undue conceffions, or any departure from 
 thofe principles, which fliould govern a wife man and a good 
 Chriftian. 
 
 George Owen Cambridge.. 
 
 Twickenham MeadowSj 
 June 1(1,1803. 
 
THE 
 
 WORKS 
 
 O F 
 
 H. O. CAMBRIDGE,, 
 
 ESQ... 
 
ON THE 
 
 MARRIAGE OF HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 
 FREDERICK PRINCE OF WALES: 
 
 PUBLISHED AMONG 
 
 THE OXFORD CONGRATULJ TORY VERSES, 
 
 173 6. 
 
 I. 
 
 TT^AST by the banks of Ifis filver-ftream'd, 
 
 "■- In thofe fweet vales (who knows not thofe fweet vales ?) 
 
 From whence are kenn'd Oxonia's tow'rs far-fam'd. 
 
 Whilom I walk'd to catch the noon-tide gales : 
 
 The murm'ring ftream, fo gently gliding on, 
 
 And awful folitude, did thought infpire ; 
 
 Verfelefs myfelf I conn'd not blithfom fong ; 
 
 No lute had I, nor harp, nor tuneful lyre ; 
 
 Tlioughtful, adown I laid me by the ftream, 
 
 That thought brought with it fleep, fleep brought with it a dream. 
 
 B II. The 
 
s ON THE MARRIAGE OF 
 
 11. 
 
 The fcene erft fair to fairer ftill did yield, 
 Such fcenes did never waking eye behold ; 
 Nor Enna was fo gay, nor Tempe's field. 
 Nor yet Elyfium's fabled meads of old. 
 In admiration loft, I raptur'd gaz'd. 
 When, to the found of dulcet fym phonies, 
 A dome, by heav'nly workmanftiip uprais'd. 
 Forth like a vapour from the earth did rife ; 
 No brick nor marble did compofe the wall, 
 Tranfparent 'twas throughout, for it was cryftal all. 
 
 III. 
 
 Forthwith two folding-doors difclofmg wide 
 
 Difcover'd to the eye a gorgeous throne, 
 
 A venerable Pers'nage on each fide ; 
 
 Majeftic this, that foft and beauteous Ihone : 
 
 Upheld by turtles fat this happy Pair, 
 
 Eternal Peace and loves did fport around ; 
 
 riutt'ring above did Hymen joyous bear 
 
 The links in which their mutual hearts were bound, 
 
 Betok'ning long they'd worn this eafy chain, 
 
 Betok'ning thus they'd long, O ! very long remain. 
 
 IV. On 
 
FREDERICK PRINCE OF WALES. 3 
 
 rv. 
 
 On either fide the throne a glorious band 
 
 Of Pers'nages were rang'd : in the firft place 
 
 And neareft to the King, did Wifdom Hand, 
 
 And Honour, unacquainted to the Bafe ; 
 
 Next Juftice, never known to err though blind ; 
 
 Vengeance and Clemency on either fide ; 
 
 And Pow'r, his eyes on Juftice ftill inclin'd ; 
 
 And Peace, fpurning Ambition, Death, and Pride : 
 
 Well is, I weet, the King w;ho 's thus upheld, 
 
 Well is the Land whofe fceptre fuch a King doth wield. 
 
 V. 
 
 Nor did there on the other fide, I ween. 
 Forms though more foft, lefs heav'nly appear ; 
 Conjugal Love and Concord ftill were feen, 
 Becoming Meeknefs and Submiflion near; 
 Next Truth, a window in her naked breaft, 
 Modefty and Prudence ever judging right, 
 Piety, adding luftre to the reft, 
 And heav'n-born Charity appear'd in fight ; 
 Bleft is the Maid whofe paths thefe virtues guide, 
 Happy ! thrice happy He poflefs'd of fuch a Bride ! 
 
 B 2 VI. While 
 
4 ON THE MARRIAGE OF 
 
 VI. 
 
 While on this venerable Pair I gaz'd 
 
 Enter'd a band of Youth, joyous and gay, 
 
 One 'bove the reft moft worthy to be prais'd, 
 
 Who foUow'd ftill where Virtue led the way, 
 
 Oft-times he tow'rd the waters caft his eye, 
 
 Which big with Hope and Expectation seem'd, 
 
 Nor long ere he a veflel did defcry. 
 
 Which fraught with all his wifhes tow'rd him ftemm'd, 
 
 An heav'nly Maiden on the deck was plac'd. 
 
 With ev'ry virtue bleft, with ev'ry beauty grac'd. 
 
 VII. 
 
 White were her robes, which fo divinely fliin'd 
 
 As fnow and gold together had been wove, 
 
 Expreffive emblem of the pureft mind, 
 
 Expreffive emblem of the chafteft love ; 
 
 Alternate on the Damfel and the Youth 
 
 A band of loves pour'd moft propitious darts, 
 
 Which tipt with Pleafure, Conftancy, and Truth, 
 
 Found free admiffion to their inmoft hearts ; 
 
 Swift flew the Youth, with eager hafte convey'd. 
 
 To his own happy fliore, the rauch-lov'd, loving Maid. 
 
 VHI. And 
 
FREDERICK PRINCE OF WALE 
 
 VIII. 
 
 And now advance in hofpitable guife 
 
 The Royal Pair; with welcome falutation 
 
 They greet the Maid ; joy fparkles in her eyes, 
 
 Promife of future bleffings on the Nation : 
 
 Nor now did Hymen unemploy'd appear, 
 
 Their hearts in chains of adamant he bound, 
 
 Loud fliouts of mirth and joy invade the ear, 
 
 Each echo pleas'd repeats the blithfom found ; 
 
 i, fleeping as I lay, in rapture cry'd 
 
 Long live the happy Prince ! long live the beauteous Bride ! 
 
 IX. 
 
 In flowing robes and fquared caps advance, 
 
 Pallas their guide, her ever-favour'd band ; 
 
 As they approach the}^ join in myftic dance. 
 
 Large fcroUs of paper waving in their hand ; 
 
 Nearer they come, I heard them fweetly fing, 
 
 But louder now approach the peals of joy, 
 
 The gladfome founds which from each quarter ring, 
 
 Difpel my flumbers, and my trance deftroy. 
 
 Waking, I heard the fliouts on ev'ry fide 
 
 Proclaim Augusta fair the happy Frederick's Bride t 
 
mi 
 b 
 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 WRITTEN AT 
 
 WHITMINSTER, 
 
 FROM 1742 to 174^0. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 LEARNING: 
 
 A DIALOGUE BETWEEN 
 
 DICK AND NED. 
 
 (The A U T H O R, and Dr. E D WA RD BARNARD, afterwards Provoft of Eton.) 
 
 THE day was fullen, bleak, and wet. 
 When Dick and Ned together met 
 To wafte it in a friendly chat,   '^ 
 
 And much they talk'd of this and that ; 
 Till many a queftion wifely dated. 
 And many a knotty point debated, 
 From topic ftill to topic turning, 
 They fall at length on Books and Learning : 
 Then each with eagernefs difplays ;.,,.;,_ 
 His eloquence, to give them praife. 
 Far in their eulogy they launch, 
 And fcan them o'er in ev'ry branch ; 
 Thus, th' excellencies making known 
 Of Learning, flyly fliow their own. 
 
 C Here 
 
10 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Here Dick (who often takes a pride 
 To argue on the weaker fide) 
 Cries, Softly, Ned, this talk of learning 
 May hold with men in books difcerning ; 
 Who boaft of what they call a talle. 
 But for all elfe we run too faft ; 
 For lay but prejudice afide, 
 And let the caufe be fairly try'd. 
 What is the worth of any thing, 
 But for the happinefs 'twill bring ? 
 And that, none ever Avould difpute. 
 Is only found in the purfuit ; 
 For if you once run down your game. 
 You fruftrate and deftroy your aim : 
 He, without doubt, pray mark me, Ned, 
 Has moft to read, who leaft has read ; 
 And him we needs mull happieft find, 
 Whofe greateft pleafure is behind. — 
 Ned, who was now 'twixt fleep and wake, 
 Stirr'd by this argument to fpeak, 
 Full aptly cry'd, With half an eye 
 Your far-fetcht fophiftry I fpy ; 
 Which, ne'er fo fubtlely difputed. 
 By two plain words Ihall be confuted : 
 To give your reafoning due digefl;ion, 
 I firfl; affirm you beg the quellion. 
 
 5 Learning *s 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. n 
 
 Learning 's a game, which, who attains, 
 
 A great and worthy pleafure gains ; 
 
 Not hght and tranficnt hke the chace, 
 
 But flable with unfading grace. 
 
 There are, indeed, who are fo idle. 
 
 They leave all emprize in the middle ; 
 
 Nor for reflection road or comment, 
 
 But juft to kill the prefent moment : 
 
 Thefe hunt romances, tales, and hift'ries. 
 
 As men purfue a common miftrefs. 
 
 Who when once caught but moves their loathing, 
 
 And well if fhe 's not worfe than nothing ; 
 
 But thofe of fteady, ferious life. 
 
 Know there 's no pleafure like a wife; 
 
 And fuch the wife true learning find 
 
 A lafting help-mate to their mind. — 
 
 Good fir, quoth Dick, and made a leg, 
 
 I fay 'tis you the queftion beg. 
 
 Your fimilies of wife and miftrefs 
 
 Will ferve 3'our argument to diftrefs. 
 
 If knowledge never was attain'd. 
 
 Which fages always have maintain'd, 
 
 Then knowledge cannot be a Avife ; 
 
 And you yourfelf conclude the ftiife. 
 
 You no lefs fallacy advance 
 
 'Gainft tales, and fables, and romance ; 
 
 c 2 For 
 
12 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 ^ For I flial] prove t ye m the fequel, 
 That reading of all kinds is equal ; 
 And none can ferve a better end, 
 Than cheerfully our time to fpend. 
 Nor is't of moment, gay, or ferious, 
 But, as the readers minds are various, 
 Each pleafe himfelf. You contradict 
 Philofophers of every fe6l, 
 Unlefs with them you will maintain 
 All human learning to be vain. 
 This, Socrates affirm'd of old. 
 And this our wifeft moderns hold. 
 Therefore, if you have prov'd romances, 
 And fuch like, vain and idle fancies. 
 They've faid the fame of all the knowledge 
 rth' fage and philofophic college. — 
 Ned was by this a little nettled: 
 Quoth he. This thing fliall foon be fettled ; 
 AVith your own arguments difputed. 
 And you with your own weapons routed. 
 You hold the pleafure to confift 
 Li the purfuit ; this muft exift 
 Eor ever you have eke maintain'd, 
 Aflerting knowledge can't be gain'd ; 
 By this you fairly overthrow 
 Y«^ur firft pofition ; for, if fo. 
 
 How 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 13 
 
 How can it ever be agreed 
 
 Who leaft has read has raoft to read ?' 
 
 If ten miles upwards you could run, 
 
 Would you be nearer to the fun ? , 
 
 Or daily from the fea fliould drink, 
 
 Say Mould you ever find it iluink ? 
 
 Men moft delighted are, the ia.€t is. 
 
 As they more fkilful grow by practice ; 
 
 This true in all we have concern in. 
 
 Much more is found to hold in learning. 
 
 Who various fciences has read, 
 
 Has made a ftore-houfe of his head; 
 
 And with him ever bears within 
 
 A large and plenteous magazine, 
 
 Whence he's fccure to draw at leifure 
 
 All forts of precious hoarded treafure r 
 
 Rich in ideas, ne'er lluill he 
 
 A prey become to poverty ; 
 
 And roaming free, his active mind 
 
 Can ne'er be fetter'd or confin'd; 
 
 Nor of dull folitude complain, 
 
 His thoughts, a cheerful focial train : 
 
 For books of the fuperior kind 
 
 With juft ideas fill the mind, 
 
 Nourifti its growing youth, confirm 
 
 Its manhood : prop its age infirm : 
 
 Learning, 
 
1 
 
 14 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Learning, our ev'ry ftep attends, 
 The beft of pilots and of friends ; 
 Aflifts our various ills to bear, 
 In fortunes adverfe waves to tleer ; 
 How beft in calmer hours to fail, 
 And how improve the profp'rous gale. — 
 Alas ! quoth Dick, mere puff and froth this is, 
 "Which you advance for your hypothefis : 
 At beft a well-laid theory ; 
 No fubftance or reality ; 
 Nor found with pra6tice to agree. 
 Your fcheme Would be more true and ample. 
 If well fupported by example. 
 But thefe all make againft your fyftem, 
 And therefore wdfely you fuppreft 'em ; 
 Not all your books can raife the mind 
 Above the Aveaknefs of mankind. 
 Zeno, of ftoic reading vain, 
 Affirm'd there was no harm in pain. 
 Pyn'ho w^ould vaunt (but then he'd lie) 
 Indifference or to live or die. 
 Carneades oft fpent his breath 
 - T'infpire the bold contempt of death ; 
 And once his wifdom did affedl 
 So far to ape the ftoic fe6t, 
 He thought he felt an inclination 
 To die, becaufe it was the fafliion. 
 
 *^ Hearing 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 15 
 
 Hearing Antipater (a wife one !) 
 Had kill'd himfelf by drinking poifbn. 
 He crys, refolv'd to do the fame, 
 
 Give me but what, forbears to name; 
 
 Then, baulking his expelling friends, 
 In mere niull'd wine this poifon ends. 
 Not all his learning and wife reading. 
 Could Zeno's pupil keep from heeding 
 The rig'rous twinges of the ftone, 
 Or but fupprefs one fmgle groan ; 
 Forc'd to own pain at length an evil, 
 And give his do6trine to the devil. 
 Thus thefe philofophers and leaders 
 Of various fed:s (profoundeft readers) 
 From all their books could ne'er attain. 
 Death to contemn, or fmile at pain ; 
 And much lefs reap'd they joy or pleafure. 
 Their volumes yielding no fuch treafure. — 
 Ned, who now heartily was vext, 
 Began to ftickle for his text; 
 Fairly, quoth he, examples cite. 
 We foon Ihall fet this matter right ; 
 But thofe you bring, tho' flyly pickt out. 
 And with all art and cunning trickt out, 
 Tis plain to fee you falfely vent 'em, 
 And fpecioully mifrepreleut 'era. 
 
 Tho' 
 
U MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 Tho' Dionyfius did wince, 
 
 His raaiter ne'er was known to flinch ; 
 
 His other pupil, Pofidonius, 
 
 Alohe would proA-^e your fclieme erroneous. 
 
 "When Pompey, who on purpofe came 
 
 So far to hear this fage declaim, 
 
 Finding him on his fick Ifed laid, 
 
 And with fevereft pains aflay'd. 
 
 Would fain have gone without his errant; 
 
 The fleady ftoic would not hear on't ; 
 
 Began, and bravely held it out. 
 
 Amidst the torments of thd gout; 
 
 Nor could avail th' acuteft pang. 
 
 To flop or difcompofe th' harangue. 
 
 Could Epi6letus, with fuch bravery. 
 
 Or iEfop, bear their painful flavery ; 
 
 Unlefs by Learning's hand fupported, 
 
 And that relief which Books afforded ; 
 
 Whilft all their votaries have taught 
 
 That freedom dwells but in the thought 
 
 Hence did Philoxenus defire 
 
 From the rich banquet to retire ; 
 
 Chofe rather back to gaol be hurried, 
 
 Than there with royal dulnefs worried : 
 
 His thoughts expatiating free 
 
 And undifturb'd with poetry ; 
 
 Made 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 17 
 
 Made bread and water more delicious 
 Than choiceft feafts of Dionyfius ; 
 Proving no pain or thraldom worfe is 
 Than flaviflily to hear bad verfes. — 
 Quoth Dick, Tis difficult to know 
 The truth of fa6ts fo long ago. 
 Writers enhance their hero's glory, 
 The better to fet off their ftory ; 
 And throw a varnifti and a glofs over 
 Th' afts of their favourite philofopher. 
 You, of Philoxenus, advance 
 Mere folly, pride, and arrogance ; 
 His reading made him no great winner, 
 That loft fo foolifldy his dinner. 
 Which is the wifer part d'ye think, 
 T'approve, and fmile, and eat, and drink ; 
 Or fourly criticifms mutter. 
 And quarrel with your bread and butter ? 
 But if we find from books arife 
 This fqueamifli tafte, more nice than wife, 
 'Tis happier fure, and wifer yet. 
 Ne'er to have learnt the alphabet : 
 Yet tho' I fcruple not to grant 
 'Twas Learning made him arrogant, 
 I ftill muft ftrenuoufly maintain 
 Indifference to death or pain 
 
 D 
 
 Proceeds 
 
m MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Proceeds from natui'al difpofition, 
 
 More than from bookifli acquifition. 
 
 Examples of your fuff'ring fages 
 
 We find not five in fifteen ages. 
 
 Such volunteers in pain aboimd, 
 
 In parts where Books were never found. 
 
 To prove my words, if 'tis your hap 
 
 1" have pid;ures in't, confult your map ; 
 
 There, Ned, a Brahmin may you fee 
 
 Ty'd by the heels to poft or tree ; 
 
 From whence he reaches downward to make 
 
 A fire to roaft his breaft and ftomach ; 
 
 And this he ne'er abates or puts out, 
 
 Tho' it fliould bum his very guts out ! 
 
 Yet this from Learning can't proceed. 
 
 For none of thefe can write or read. 
 
 Nor is the next a man of Letters, 
 
 Who 's gall'd by thofe enormous fetters ; 
 
 Nor yet is he a better Scholar, 
 
 Who groans beneath that iron collar. 
 
 Dan Prior's mufe a cafe records, 
 
 And fweetly too, fo take his Avords : 
 
 At Tonquin, if a prince fliould dye, 
 
 (As Jefuits write, who never lye,) 
 
 The wife, and counfellor, and prieft. 
 
 Who ferv'd him moll and lov'd him beft, 
 
 6 Prepare 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 19 
 
 Prepare and light his funeral fire, 
 
 And cheerful on the pile expire. 
 
 In Europe 'tAvould be hard to find, 
 
 In each degree, one half fo kind. 
 
 But why on European ground 
 
 Is no fuch inftance to be found ? 
 
 Say, does our learning or our reading 
 
 Fall fo far fliort of Tonquin breeding ? 
 
 But, as I faid before, a cafe. 
 
 So far remov'd by time and place, 
 
 Is feldom faithfully related, 
 
 Or, in moft points, exaggerated. 
 
 Let us by modern fa6ls be try'd, 
 
 And not our ears, but eyes decide. 
 
 Confider but your neareft neighbour, 
 
 Mark well his ceafelefs toil and labour ; 
 
 Or fellow ftudents at the College, 
 
 Who drudge both night and day for knowledge ; 
 
 Are they for ten years poring better 
 
 Than if they 'd never known a letter .'' 
 
 This thumbs philofophers that teach 
 
 To be content is to be rich ; 
 
 And finds, he thinks, with greateft rapture, 
 
 Thefe riches grow with ev'ry chapter ; 
 
 But foun'd liis heart, you'll find it heaving 
 
 To college rents and future living : 
 
 D 2 This 
 
20 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 This reads the Stoics, and from them 
 
 Learns all misfortunes to contemn. 
 
 But a bare nofe, or finger's bleedfng, 
 
 Shall countervail his ten years reading. 
 
 Do not moft men more felfifli grow, 
 
 And more referv'd, the more they know ? 
 
 And when they come to ftudy lefs, 
 
 To promote others happinefs, 
 
 They muft, 'tis by experience fliown, 
 
 Of confequence impair their own. 
 
 When Umbrio, fixt upon the fkies 
 
 In abfence, turns his mufing eyes, 
 
 And never condefcends t' afford, 
 
 But in a learn'd difpute, a word; 
 
 Can I perfuade myfelf, that he 
 
 Is happier than his company ? 
 
 Were it not better for a while 
 
 To lay his wifdom by, and fmile, 
 
 And join with them to laugh and chat, 
 
 Altho' he cannot tell at what ? 
 
 Yet he'll indulge thefe fullen fits, 
 
 And keep his mirth for brother wits r 
 
 Then let us follow him to thefe. 
 
 And fee if he be more at eafe. 
 
 No ; foon again his pleafure fails, 
 
 He frowns, he yawns, he bites his nails ; 
 
 And 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 21 
 
 And fliews by difcontented looks, 
 He wants to leave 'em for his books. 
 Purfue him to his country feat ; 
 Is there his happinefs complete ? 
 With endlefs volumes fill'd the room, 
 Muft needs difpel that fuUen gloom : 
 In vain. Ere he an hour has fat, 
 Difliking this, and tir'd with that, 
 Some modern book augments his fpleen, 
 Which th' Ancients can't take off again. 
 Impatient from himfelf to fly, 
 Shall he the field amufcments try ? 
 No ; thofe a philofophic mind 
 Too barren pleafures needs muft find. 
 Then fliall he try his hours to fpend 
 In chat with neighbouring country friend ? 
 Lo ! there his joys as vainly plac'd ; 
 One knowledge wants, and one a tafte, 
 This too referv'd, that too affeded, 
 Envy'd by this, by that fufpe6ted : 
 Poor Umbrio meets, at ev'ry turnings 
 Some fad reverfe intail'd on learning; 
 And, tir'd o' th' country, back amain 
 Drives to be tir'd of town again. 
 Obferve again, th' unletter'd brow 
 No frowns contra6l, no wrinkles plow ; 
 
 See 
 
22 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 See Bubo's front ferenely fleek ; 
 
 Chagrin ne'er waftes Aphronius' cheek ; 
 
 Simphcius with eternal fmile ; 
 
 And Dullman ever found tranquil ; 
 
 Prig with felf-approbation bleft ; 
 
 While nought difturbs Afello's reft. — 
 
 Quoth Ned, I can no longer bear 
 
 Such overt falfities to hear ; 
 
 Of arguments there is no end, 
 
 When with a fophift you contend ; 
 
 Thy proofs all falfely are afferted. 
 
 Or elfe moft wilfully perverted : 
 
 In this, as well as other countries, 
 
 Men drown and hang themfelves upon trees ; 
 
 Or, too difpleas'd with this to bear it. 
 
 Leap into t'other world from garret. 
 
 Yet none in grave difcourfe, e'er thought 
 
 Such fit examples to be brought ; 
 
 'Caufe thefe from madnefs muft proceed, 
 
 And thofe from poverty and need. 
 
 The fages I produced, ne'er fought 
 
 Their end or pain : their volumes taught 
 
 Neither to haften death nor flmn it, 
 
 But with indifference look upon it ; 
 
 Nor ills to court nor yet to fear, 
 
 Whate'er Fate gave refjgn'd to bear : 
 
 From 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 23 
 
 From whence I proved beyond difpute, 
 That Learning bears the choiceft fruit ; 
 And plenteous harvefts ever yields 
 To thofe who duly till her fields. 
 But you deny the truth, averring 
 Her foil not only cold but barren ; 
 And the fpontaneous idle weed 
 The cultivated crop t' exceed. 
 Now turn we to your happy Clan, 
 And their delights and pleafures fcan ; 
 See them returning from the field, 
 Their joys are o'er ; the fox is kill'd ; 
 How fhall they pafs the tedious nighty 
 Till fport return Avith morning light ? 
 From whence procure them recreation, 
 Nor fought from books or converfation ? 
 The bottle, lo ! their fole refort, 
 Oppreffive thought they drown in port; 
 Or, with dear dice or cards beguile. 
 And fhield them from themfelves awhilc 
 Our gallants now to town repair; 
 What endlefs pleafures wait 'em there ! 
 One half the day in fleep is paft, 
 They ftudy how the reft to wafte ; 
 Till drum or playhoufe Ihall invite 
 To crown with happinefs the night. 
 
 The 
 
24 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 The drefs, the valet, and the glafs, 
 Help two long irkfome houi's to pafs : 
 The dinner ferves them to complain 
 Of taverns, waiters, cooks, champaign. 
 With joy they hear the houfe is full :' 
 The play begins ; 'tis grave, 'tis dull. 
 And two more hours their cruel fate 
 Ordains their happinefs muft wait. 
 Their patience now the drum rewards 
 With whifpers, wax-lights, bows, and cardi- 
 Now, while at whilt they take their feat. 
 Go alk them, arc their joys complete ! 
 Or wait they for fome favourite vice ; 
 Their sirl, their bottle, or their dice ? 
 Say, would you for a pattern chufe 
 Dullman,'whofe paffion is the news? 
 Ne'er could the freedom of his mind 
 In prifon'd volumes be confin'd ; 
 In loofer flieets is all his lore, 
 Free as the Sybil's leaves of yore. 
 He ne'er could on one fcience fix, 
 So fell perforce on politics ; / 
 In thefe he can defcant as well 
 As any modern Machiavel : 
 Here little progrefs will enable 
 T' attack the deepeft at the table. 
 
 Great 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSED. 25 
 
 Great is, I grant you, his delight, 
 When reading a retreat or fight. 
 Or fally or furprife, by the French meant 
 To ftorm the enemies entrenchment : 
 Or fhips engaging with the Spaniard ; 
 Or lofs of maft by ftorm, or mainyard ; 
 Or cargo funk, or crew all drownded * ; 
 Or fpurious babe in Wapping found dead. 
 Or how the ftubborn Dutch go on flow ; 
 Or robb'ry on Blackheath or Hounflow. 
 But Ihould they e'er reftrain the prefs. 
 How great were DuUman's dire diftrefs ? 
 And fliould all Europe be at peace, 
 His pleafure totally muft ceafe. 
 Let us from thefe now turn our eyes 
 Upon the man that 's leam'd and wife : 
 You fee him, from his early youth. 
 Taught the purfuits of heav'nly Truth : 
 In ev'ry feafon, ev'ry place, 
 He follows ftill the pleafing chace ; 
 The nearer to the glorious prize, 
 It fliines the brighter in his eyes : 
 And not alone in Books is found. 
 But ev'ry obje<!;i all around. 
 
 • So Dullman fpells it. 
 
 E He 
 
96 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES.: 
 
 He not the leaft of thefe difdains. 
 Or finds ungrateful to his pains. 
 But like the bee, from ev'ry flower 
 And ev'ry weed, with artful power 
 Colle6ls alone the choiceft juice, 
 And lays in ftore for future ufe. 
 Thus all things to improvement turning, 
 Still grows his pleafure with his Learning. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 27 
 
 SOCIETY; 
 
 ADDRESSED TO HENRY BERKLEY, ESQ. 
 
 This Poem was intended to delineate the charafter of Mr. Berkley, but being un- 
 finiSKed at the time of his death, the Author never could prevail upon himfelf 
 to complete it. 
 
 SOCIETY! Our being's nobleft end ! 
 To thee, with claims unequal, all pretend: 
 From angels or the heav'n-inftru6led man, 
 To the wild Tartar's unconnected clan : 
 From the vaft elephant, or favage bear, 
 To abje6l reptiles, and thofe infe<fts fpare 
 That wing invifibly the crouded air. 
 
 1 
 
 Select are thy delights, ferene thy joys ; 
 How falfely fought in numbers and in noife ! 
 Too fober for th' ambitious or the vain ; 
 Too delicate for folly's taftelefs train. 
 Thefe, while they feek thee in the tents of fhame. 
 Bring foul dilhonour on thy facred name ; 
 Who think to find thee in the harlot's bow'r, 
 Or loud with Waflel in the midnight hour. 
 
 E 2 Misjudge 
 
S8 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Misjudge not then the philofophic mind. 
 Deaf to thy call, to thy endearments blind : 
 Since not thyfelf the wife, retir'd, difclahn, 
 But that vain phantom which ufurps thy name. 
 
 Is there a man whom confcious worth infpires ; 
 Whom wifdom touches with her fainteft fires ; 
 Whofe nicer fenfe could brook the drunkard's cries, 
 The gamefter glorious in his fliameful prize ; 
 The dull recital of the fportfman hear, 
 Or bigot roar of noify fa6tion bear ? 
 
 O ! fliould my foul her choiceft wifh declare, 
 And form to bounteous heav'n her ardent prayer, 
 Nor numerous vaiTals that obfequious wait 
 In fervile crouds, to fwell the pomp of ftate ; 
 Nor wealth nor pow'r, nor would the fame require, 
 One perfedl Friend fliould bound her full defire ; 
 Learn'd though polite, though noble free from pride. 
 Virtue his guard, and honour be is guide : 
 Not fo feverely rigid to reftmin 
 Mirth's genial friends, and laughter's jocund train ; 
 But free to fpeak with temper or with fire 
 What Pallas didlates, or the Nine infpire ; 
 Let no attainment feem too great an height 
 For his alpiring mind's ambitious flight : 
 
 No 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 29 
 
 No ufeful arts, tho' vulgar or minute, 
 Beneath his pains, unworthy his purfuit. 
 May zeal dired; thofe pains to nobleft ends, 
 Zeal for his God, his country, and his friends ; 
 Exalted genius animate his foul, 
 And fenfe, the liable bafis of the whole. 
 
 « 
 
 * 
 
 « 
 
 * 
 
 * 
 
 * 
 
 * 
 
 * 
 
 * 
 
 • 
 
 « 
 
 » 
 
 * 
 
 • 
 
 * 
 
 * 
 
50 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 TOBACCO; 
 
 A TALE. 
 JDDRESSED TO J. H. BROWNE, ESQ. 
 
 Author of the "Pipe of Tobacco, in Imitation of fix feveral Authors." 
 
 THE folks of old were not fo nice 
 But that they'd afk and take advice. 
 'Twas then the Pythian s prudent voice 
 Directed Tully in his choice. 
 Confult your genius, faid the maid; 
 No more ; the humble youth obey'd. 
 This rule fo fliort, fo juft, fo plain, 
 Our lively moderns all difdain ; 
 And fcorn to have their flights controul'd 
 By any Py thians new or old ; 
 Nor afk what may their genius fit. 
 But all, forfooth, muft aim at wit. 
 
 When firft that fragrant leaf came o'er 
 To blefs our barren northern Ihore, 
 
 4 Which 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 31 
 
 Which your immortal verfes mife 
 
 A rival to the Poet's bays, 
 
 A fquire of Suffex gave command 
 
 To plant it in his marfliy land : 
 
 His anxious friends and neighbours join 
 
 To drive him from this ftrange defign.— 
 
 Tobacco, fays a {kilful farmer, 
 
 Requires a dryer clime and warmer ; 
 
 The wat'ry coldnefs of your foil 
 
 Will fruftrate all the planter's toil ; 
 
 Yet not ungrateful fliall the clay 
 
 With beans a plenteous crop repay. — 
 
 Let peafant hinds, replies the fquire, 
 Whofe grov'ling fouls can rife no higher, 
 Drudge on, content with piddling gain 
 From vulgar means, and common grain ; 
 But I will make this Northern Ifle 
 With India's boafted harveft fmile, 
 And Ihew how needlefs 'tis to roam 
 For what we may produce at home. — 
 
 He faid, and wide as his command. 
 Tobacco filled the hungry land ; 
 The reftive marl obftru^ts the flioot. 
 And checks the plant, and kills the root. 
 
 Yearly 
 
52 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Yearly his proje6t he repeated, 
 Yearly he faw his hopes defeated. 
 Till all, at length, his fate deplore. 
 And find him begging at their door. 
 
 Thus may 'ft thou fee, difcerning Browne, 
 A fauntering croud infeft the town ; 
 Whom providential Nature made 
 To thrive in phyfic, law, or trade. 
 What fhe dire6ts, perverfe they quit. 
 And ftrive to force fpontaneous wit ; 
 Mifpend their time, mifplace their toil. 
 To cultivate a barren foil ; 
 And find no art or force can breed, 
 What in your garden grows a Weed. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 33 
 
 ARCHIM AGE; 
 
 A POEM, 
 
 WRITTEN IN LMITATION OF SPENCER, 
 AND DESCRIPTIVE OF THE AUTHOR AND FOUK OF HIS BOAT'S CREW. 
 
 A beauteous Maid " was walking on the plaine, 
 Nigh where Sabrina rolls her yellow tyde, 
 (Who now uplifts her fretted waves amaine, 
 And now ferenely doth like Thamis glyde ;) 
 Her palfrey to a diftant tree was tied ; 
 Delighted Avith the ftream, of nought afraid, 
 She walk'd ; a dwarf attended on her fide, 
 Who bore a ftiield, on which there was difplayd 
 Alofte on azure field a deadlie Trenchant " blade. 
 
 * Mifs Trenchardj afterwards married to Jocelyn Pickard Esq. 
 ' The Creft of the Trenchard family. 
 
 II. Happie 
 
)Sft MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 IL 
 
 Happie the Knight, yea happieft he the Knight, 
 By fates ordain'd that envied fliield to beare, 
 The deareft gift of honour'd Lady bright. 
 To whom (lie worthy deems that pledge to weare. 
 His fure prote6lion in tTie doubtful warre ; 
 And ever fliall fuch good the gifte attend. 
 That whofo beareth it fliall nothing feare, 
 But on his Lady's virtues ftill depend, 
 Trufting in her his Saint, his Patronefle and Friend. 
 
 HI. 
 
 Her loofely walking on the lonely ftiore 
 
 Efpied Archimage ' that wizard vile ; 
 
 And now the fubtile fiend had got his lore ; 
 
 For whilom oft, with many an artful wile, 
 
 And foothing words full fraught with hidden guile 
 
 Her virtuous wifdom did the Mage aflail ; 
 
 Nath'lefs unmoved remained flie all the while, 
 ' Ne would give ear to his falfe glozing tale, 
 So that in bo wife he againfl her mote prevaiL 
 
 * The Author. 
 
 IV. Forthy 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 35 
 
 XV. 
 
 Forthy to overt force now turns his mind, 
 And impious raviftiment the ruffian fell ; 
 For equal he to lawlefs force inclin'd, 
 Or fecret working of the magick fpell, 
 And every myftick charme he knew full well : 
 Als could he from the valle and hoarie deep 
 Summon th' obedient fonnes of night and hell, 
 As if th' infernal keys himfelf did keep ; 
 Ne e'er in mifchief 's talks allow his eye-lids deep. 
 
 V. 
 
 Forthwith two hellifli imps he calls amaine, 
 Ycleped Giant Strength and Lawlefs Might ; 
 Each to array he turns his working braine 
 In garb and femblance fair of gentle Knight ; 
 So with a two-edged weapon he mote fight. 
 Thereto he Courtefie the one did call, 
 The other counterfeit Perfuafion hight ; 
 So if to nought his fpecious arts did fall, 
 By ruffian force he mote be fure to work her thrall 
 
 p 2 ' VI. And 
 
36 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 VI. 
 
 And now the bold Inchaunter caus'd be brought, 
 Of flrange and curious worke, a rich machine **; 
 Which by his fkille right cunninglie was wrought, 
 So that it's paragonne mote not be feene ; 
 (Full powerful is the magick art, I weene.) 
 Ne drawn by dragons was this fumptuous Carre, 
 Ne by dread lions on the level greene, 
 Ne yet by yoked fwans along the air ; 
 As wizards oft, we read, convey the ravifli'd fair. 
 
 VII. 
 
 But with his wond'roiis and all-powerful breath, 
 And the bare motion of his felon hond ', 
 To whate'er parts he lifts he travelleth. 
 And flies with eafe to many a diftant lond ; 
 Foi of his prey he now poiTefs'd doth ftand. 
 Als his behefts four wizards ' fage obey, 
 Each waving in his hand a powerful wand ^ ; 
 Mightie themfelves ; but mightier he than they ; 
 Ne mote they his commands at any time gainfay. 
 
 * His double Bo&t. ' Guiding the Helm. ' The Boat's Crew. e The Oar. 
 
 VIII. In 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 37 
 
 VIII. 
 
 In the firft rank a wily Mage " did fit, 
 Long vers'd in fraud, and exercifed in ill ; 
 Ne fcrupled e'er t' employ his wicked wit, 
 His mafter's dev'lifli mandates to fulfiUe ; 
 And with malicious fpite he turned ftille 
 'Gainft Elfinne Knights, and wrought them mickle woe ; 
 Als wou'd the blood of holy beadfmen ' fpille, 
 Whofe hairy fcalps he hanged in a row 
 Around his cave ; fad fight to Chriftian eyes I trow I 
 
 IX. 
 
 Thefe would he with a deadlie engine fell 
 Harrow and claw, his foul heait to aggrate, 
 And wreak his malice, ftrange it is to tell, 
 On object fenfelefs and inanimate ; 
 As though it were his living foeman's pate. 
 Als wou'd he rub a magic ointment eft 
 O'er heads of lucklefs knights, fuch was his hate ; 
 Which of their curled treffes them bereft. 
 That nought but naked fcorne and baldnefs vile was left. 
 
 ■'o 
 
 ■> A fervant of the Author. ' He fliaved a Clergyman then refident 
 
 in the family, and drefs'd his wigs 
 
 X. Next 
 
38 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 X. 
 
 Next fate a monflrous and mifhapen wight, ^ 
 His nether parts unfeemhe to beholde ; 
 All from his waifte difcovering to the fight 
 A fiflie's tail, with many a circling folde. 
 Which from the fea he mote not long witholde ; 
 Als in his hideous and Cyclopean front' 
 One fmgle eye-ball (ghaftlie feature !) rolFd, 
 "Which fiU'd with horror whofo look't upon 't, 
 And fea and land alike were this foule wizard's wont. 
 
 XL 
 
 But chief frequented he rough Neptune's reign, 
 Where with his dread Inchaunments caft about, 
 He 'd call the fiflie up from the wat'ry plain, 
 Shad, falmon, turbot, fturgeon, fole and trout ; 
 Ne 'Icap'd the fmaller frie, ne larger rout ; 
 But all who in his magick circles caught, 
 Ne great ne fmall mote ever thence get out ; 
 I^uch power alafs ! have fell Inchaunters got, 
 Ne aught can them refill, ne can efcape them aught. 
 
 * A Fiflierman. ' He had loft an eye. 
 
 XIL Yet 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 39 
 
 XIL 
 
 Yet not for appetite or hunger keen, 
 Or for the end of lufcious luxurie, 
 Did he thus labour day and night, I ween. 
 And thofe deUcious creatures doom to die. 
 But barely to aggrate his crueltie. 
 For aye fuch joy in mifchief would he take, 
 That oft he 'd run and flounce and wade and flie- 
 Like goofe unwieldie or like waddling drake, 
 And thus purfue his prey flill flound'ring through the lake. 
 
 XIIL 
 
 Ne would he e'er exchange thefe 'fteeraed cates 
 For life-fupporting bread, or wholefome food, 
 Ne fill his body ere with ilrength'ning meats, 
 But ev'ry thing efchewing that is good. 
 Nought ate or drank which mote not evil brood : 
 Hot and rebellious liquors were his meal, 
 Which caus'd foul workings in his fev'rifli blood ; 
 'Bove all things elfe he Waffel priz'd and ale ; 
 For Tritonne, when in drioke, begotte him on a Whale. 
 
 XIV. The 
 
40 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 The next a foul and filthy Wizard " was ; 
 His (kin like hydes of leather did appear ; 
 A griezlie beard grew matted o'er his face ; 
 Hard wax diftilled from his eyes fo blear, 
 And on his back grew ftiffe and brieflie hair ; 
 Which like th' enraged porcupine he 'd dart 
 'Gainft (kinne of fuch as him provoked ere ; 
 And ever glad to do them fliame and fmart, 
 Left them all ilafli'd and gored and pink'd in every part. 
 
 XV. 
 
 From nobleft aunceftors his birth he 'd boaft, 
 E'en from the mightie Crifpin's royal bed ; 
 Tho' he in fortune's ruder waves was toft, 
 And by the potent Archimage was led ; 
 Nay once by mightier force imprifonned % 
 Altho' himfelf a great Inchaunter was ; 
 Untill releafed thro' grace and bountihed 
 Of good and gentle Knight of Crifpin's race, 
 From barres of hardeft fteel, and Avalles of triple braffe. 
 
 "» A Shoemaker.   Had been arrefted for debt. 
 
 XVI. Yet 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 4i 
 
 XVI. 
 
 Yet by fuperior force not overmatch'd, 
 Wei] knew he how to deal the fecret fpell : 
 Thereto the fteps of wand'ring Knights he watch'd, 
 And with fmooth words decoy'd them to his cell ' ; 
 Where in a chair enchaunted, ftrange to tell, 
 The Knights he placed ; when thrufting all amaine 
 r the ftocks ' their tender feet, the traytor fell 
 Leaves them, regardlefs of their bitter paine; 
 There may they weep and wail, and ftorm and rave in vaine. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Next the moll dread Magician ' of the crew, 
 Save the all-powerful Archimage alone, 
 Of ftrange and hideous forme, and fable hue, 
 Fire from his mouthe and livid eye-balls flione. 
 Would melt harde flints and moft obdurate ftone. 
 Thick clouds of fmoke ftill ilTued from his nofe. 
 Which he in danger hath about him throwne ; 
 His iron nailes the length of fingers rofe, 
 Ne brafle, ne hardeft fteele, mote his lliarpe teeth oppofe. 
 
 • His Shop. * Ready-made Shoes. « A Blackfmith and Farrier. 
 
 G XVIII. He 
 
ftfi MISCELLAKEOUS VEESES. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 He was to weet a craftie fubtile Mage, 
 Great Vulcan's fonne, and from his Sire fiill well 
 Had learn'd the winds rude force and mightier rage 
 Of fire, which oft he'd fetch with many a fpell, 
 And bold Promethean arts, from loweft hell '. 
 In a vafte cave did this Inchaunter wonne, 
 Full of things foul to fee and fadde to tell ; 
 With many a rotten fculle and bleached bone, 
 And many a mangled lyrab was the dread pavement ftrowne. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 Als on the portals of his friendlefs gate 
 Pie fixed has, and hanged up on highe 
 Tlie boaftfull tokens of his vengefull hate, 
 And fpoils of his lamented vidlorie. 
 Extorting tears from every tender eye ; 
 When lucklefs Knights by him difraounted are, 
 He ftraitway to the helplefs fteed doth flie; 
 Soon from his tender foot the fole doth teare, 
 And home the mournful trophic of his conqueft beare. 
 
 ' His Forge. 
 
 XX. Nor 
 
OF 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 4S 
 
 XX. 
 
 Nor fo he lets efcape the hapleffe fleede, 
 But dale by daie doth racke him more and more ; 
 Now flrikes his tender necke till it doth bleede. 
 And his fleek fkyn becomes all cover'd o'er 
 With the foule ftains of bloode and clotted gore ; 
 Als with hotte pyncers dothe he feare his tongue, 
 And with fliarpe nails his feet he pricketh fore ; 
 Which makes him frette, as tho' by gadflie ftunge, 
 Whilft his gall'd hoofe ftill fmarts, in magick circle wrunge. 
 
 XXL 
 
 Als hath the Wizard witli paternal art,* 
 And maffie beams of ir'n, a caftle wrought. 
 So furelie firme and barr'd in ev'ry part, 
 That never thence, I ween, efcaped aught ; 
 With many a Knight and woeful Squire was fi'aught 
 This dolorous dungeon fad, who thither came 
 By magick touch, and vile inchauntments brought 
 Of harpies fell, who take their obfcene name ' 
 Deriv'd froni loathed, part of fcorne, and public fliamc. 
 
 ' He affiled in building Glo'fter Gaol. « Bum Bailiff. 
 
 G 2 XXII. Whilom 
 
4 ^ 
 
 44 MISCELLANEOUS VERSEa 
 
 xxn. 
 
 Whilom the wretche againft his mafter dar'd 
 In bold rebellion lift his traitor hand, 
 And for his fteeds his treas'nous charms prepaid ; 
 But Archimage his purpofe had forefcann'd. 
 And him in terror to that lawlefs band 
 Condemned aye to fweat and toil amain ; 
 Now in the waves, now on the burning fand. 
 From fcorching flames to the chill wave again ;. 
 Tims aye him torturing with varietie of pain. 
 
 XXIIL 
 
 Such was this dev'lifli and unholie crew ; 
 But far above them all was Archimage ; 
 More artful tricks and fubtile wyles he knew ; 
 More high, more potent, more rever'd, more fage ; 
 Ne one like him could read the inagick page : 
 Ne could the powers of all combin'd avail 
 'Gainft his bare breath ; fo potent was it's rage, 
 That oft with that alone he would aflfail 
 The greatefl; deeds, nor ere in ought was known to faiL 
 
 XXIV. Als 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 45 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 Als was he balde behinde, and polled o'er. 
 And once efcap'd none caught him e'er, I trowe : 
 One fingle lock " of hair he has before, 
 Such whilom on Time's aged fronte dothe grow ; 
 (For he like Time ranne ever to and fro, 
 Following the bente of his impetuous minde) 
 This mull you catch, ere he beginne to go, 
 For if once gone he flieth like the winde, 
 Ne ere abateth fpeed, ne looketh ere behinde. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 Erft by his charmes a wond'rous bow " he brought 
 Ev'n from the diftante coafts of utmoft Inde ; 
 With dread and powerful magick was it wrought ; 
 And feather'd arrows, fwifter than the winde, 
 Which never en'ed from the marke delign'd : 
 Thefe as the tim'rous fowl from far defcrie, 
 (Sore dread, I ween, to all the feather'd kinde) 
 Difmay'd, difpers'd, and cowring low, they flie, 
 Tho' oft transfix'd their lives they leave ith' loftie Ikie. 
 
 • He wore a toupee of his own hair^ comb'd over his wig. 
 
 * Alluding to lib expert ufe of the Bow and Arrow. 
 
 XXVI. Nature 
 
46 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 XXVL 
 
 Nature to liim her dark breaft doth difclofe, 
 His pierceant eye looks thro' the Ihades of night ; 
 And all beneath tlie earth and fea he knows, 
 Ne ought is hidd€n fram liis fearching fight: 
 Eft rare and feeret things he brings to light ; 
 And Earth's deep womb ranfacking with his art, 
 An houfe " hath built with various beauties dight, 
 (Not found, I ween, in ev'ry common mart,) 
 Gold glitters all around, and fliines in ev'ry part. 
 
 XXVIL 
 
 Als on the confines of his drear domaine 
 A loftie Tower'' rears it's tremendous height; 
 From off whofe goodlie battlements are feen 
 Extenfive fcenes of Avonder and delight : 
 But in a gulph '^ are her foundations pight ; 
 Which, tho' concealed with verdure fair, doth gape, 
 Unfeen, both night and day, fbr living wight : 
 And ill betide that caitiffe, whofe misha}:)pe 
 Dothe lead him to the pitte, whence he can ne'er efcape. 
 
 * A Grotto, ornamented with Mundic, Spars, 8cc. r The Parifli 
 Church, lituated near his houfe. * The Chuich-yard. 
 
 xxvm. So 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 47 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 So wills that (larke and fable-ftoled Mage, 
 Who in thofe walles his art dothe exercife ; 
 Ne ought with him availeth fexe or age ; 
 Ne hoary elde, ne tender infant's cries 
 Can melt his iron heart in any wife : 
 Als by his power and virtue magicalle, 
 A wond'rous yoke about their neckes he ties, 
 Which eft their tender fkinnes doth frette and galle, 
 All filkenne as it feems, with fore and endleffe thralle. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 So furelie firme he ties this Gordian Knotte, 
 As ev'n exceeds his own art to untie ; 
 And fo ill-fuited deals to each their lotte, 
 Ufing his wicked arts fo wantonlie, 
 His cruel fport doth caufe great miferie : 
 Each ill-pair'd Couple tugge the magick chaine, 
 And their relu6lant neckes together plie, 
 And ftill for freedom praie and ftrive amaine ; 
 He fits and laughs to fcorne their labour, all in vaine. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 49 
 
 A^ 
 
 APOLOGY 
 
 FOR WRITING VERSE; 
 
 ADDRESSED 
 
 TO THE HONOURABLE CHARLES YORKE. 
 
 (Written in the Year 1745.) 
 
 T H O' all the cenfuring World upbraid, 
 That thus I ply this idle trade, 
 That, ftrangely fingular, I leave 
 What they call ufeful, great, or grave. 
 To follow Phoebus and the Mufes ; 
 Yet you, my Charles, could find excufes, 
 And back your reafons with example, 
 To make th' apology more ample : 
 Or, if the Bard Ihould bring a fit one. 
 Found or in ancient Greece or Britain, 
 With pleafure wou'd the Tale attend, 
 That ferves to vindicate your friend. 
 
 H A Cafe 
 
5& MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 A Cafe 1 11 fend you from a book, * 
 
 A cafe in point, tho' not in Coke. — 
 
 When Philip's warhke preparations 
 
 Spread terror round the neighbouring nations^. 
 
 All prompted by their fevVal fears. 
 
 Provide their bucklers, fwords, and fpears ;. 
 
 Obedient to the Mafon s call, 
 
 They roll the ftones and raife the wall. 
 
 And work as patriot ardour fired 'em i 
 
 The very women too beftir'd 'em ; 
 
 For Corinth's lufty dames we 're told 
 
 Were mettled combatants of old : 
 
 Mean while Diogenes alone 
 
 At eafe furveys the bufy town. 
 
 And ftalks with philofophic pace. 
 
 Contemplating each earneli face ; 
 
 At length the Cynic grafp'd his club. 
 
 And fell in warlike mood to drub 
 
 That peaceful domicil his tub ; 
 
 As if he meant t' avenge the quaiTel 
 
 Of Greece on th' outfide of his barrel ; 
 
 Or humble Philip's pride by jerking 
 
 The fides of fympathetic firkin. 
 
 And now the Sage began to roll 
 
 His paffive veffel like a bowl ; 
 
 * Rabelais, " Prologue to Book Sd," 
 
 When 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. - 51 
 
 When thus a ftander-by, " Pray neighbour. 
 
 Why doll thou thy poor tub belabour ? 
 
 Why thus mifpend thy time and wit 
 
 But to torment thyfelf and it ?" — 
 
 " And art thou at this bufy feafon 
 
 At lofs to find th' apparent reafon ?" 
 
 The Sage rephes : " fure you might chide well. 
 
 If I alone fliould now ftand idle ; 
 
 When all with me embark'd together, 
 
 This dark fufpicious low'ring weather, 
 
 Are flriving hard to keep afloat 
 
 The common weal, our leaky boat : 
 
 While at the pump or oar they tug hard, 
 
 Shall I appear the only fluggard ? 
 
 What tho' my talents not avail 
 
 To guide the helm or hand the fail. 
 
 Yet Ihall it ne'er be faid, that I 
 
 Thro' floth or indolence lay by.** — 
 
 He feid, and ftrait refum'd his taflc, 
 
 And bounc'd and thwack'd the trundling calk. 
 
 Thus I, who midft this relilefs crowd 
 Capricious nature has alloAv'd 
 Such parts and talents, as might feiTe 
 To help fome wretched wit to ftarve. 
 With pleafure fee my bufy friends, 
 Earneft alike for various ends ; 
 
 H 2 While 
 
 --* 
 
52 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 While thefe the means of peace prepare ; 
 Thefe arming 'gainft the chance of war ; 
 Ahke all anxious for their fate, 
 And lab'ring to prelerve the ftate. 
 Yet I, t' amufe the vacant hour, 
 Carelefs of honours, wealth, or power, . 
 Civic or military fame ; 
 Nor hoping praife nor fearing Ihame, 
 Still ply like him my idle game. 
 
 I 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 53 
 
 1 
 
 TO 
 
 WILLIAM WHITEHEAD, Esq. 
 
 (IN ANSWER TO AN EPISTLE TO THE AUTHOR, INSERTED IN HIS LIFE.) 
 
 CEASE, Whitehead, to lavifli on others the fame 
 Which you better deferve, and unenvied may claim : 
 The Mufes, your Bankers, all honour your hand. 
 When you draw for a Rhime you 're paid on demand, 
 All in fpecie, all gold, current coin, of the land. 
 On my poor fliallow Bank the call fcarce is- begun, 
 Ere my Mufe pays in filver to ward off the run.. 
 
 What; Daemon poffefs'd me, when firll for my crimes 
 I fat down to blot paper with diffonant rhimes ! 
 Storms blacken d and thunder affrighted the night : 
 The raven and fcreech owl forbad me to write. 
 
 Had I never engag'd in this idle employ,. 
 My heart vacant of care, and o'erflowing witli joy, 
 I had laught at all thofe, who to bufinefs are martyrs, 
 Like a refident canon or captain in quarters ; 
 Piffolving in indolence, thoughtlefsly gay, 
 I had flept all the night, and done nothing all day ; 
 
 Contented 
 
54 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Contented from drum to aflembly to dance, 
 
 As invited by card, lituation, or chance ; 
 
 Bow'd, faunter'd, and gap'd, a mere Man of the Town, 
 
 And afk'd others their health, and not injur'd my own. 
 
 But e'er fmce the firft moment this phrenzy poffeft 
 
 And difturb'd with wild vapours the calm of my breaft ; 
 
 Day * and night have I toil'd, like a flave in the mines. 
 
 Retouching, tranfpofmg, new moulding my lines. 
 
 Then, how naufeoufly founds the addition of Poet, 
 
 What pain to be markt, and how awkward to know it ! 
 
 Oft he hears, when he's ftuck in the midft of a crowd. 
 
 Some whifper his name, fome repeat it aloud, 
 
 Or ftare in his face to examine each feature. 
 
 For a poet to them is a ftrange kind of creature. 
 
 Fops, Belles, Beaux-efprits flock round him, and court all 
 
 His acquaintance to vifit, — his fiiendfliip no mortal. 
 
 Wits fneer, the fools laugh, friends as ufual muji blame ; 
 
 Cardelio condemns, in the midft of his game : 
 
 The learn'd fliake their heads, the unletter'd abufe. 
 
 The dull rogues thank their God they're not plagu'd withaMufe. 
 
 — My Ambition is chill'd with this dreadful review, 
 
 And I bid all poetic delufions adieu. 
 
 * The Reader will fee, that this is an ironical alluilon to that part of Mr. 
 
 Whitehead's Epiftle, where he defcribes the remarkable facility with which the 
 
 Author always compofed. 
 5 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 55 
 
 TO 
 
 LORD BATHURST. 
 
 IMITJTION OF HORACE, 
 Lib. 2. Ode 15. 
 
 ALREADY your extenfive Down 
 O'er all the neighb 'ring land has grown, 
 
 And laid whole Forefts wafte : 
 And now we fee th' encroaching Lake 
 Almoft as large a compafs take : 
 
 And all to found a Tafte. 
 
 Mifguided 
 
 JAM pauca aratro jugera regiae 
 Moles relinquent : undi^ue latiis 
 Extenta vifentur Lucrino 
 
 Stagna lacu : platanufque coefcbs 
 Evincet ulmos : turn violaria, et 5 
 
 Myrtus, et omnis copia narium, 
 
 Spargent 
 
» 
 
 56 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Mifguided Emulation now 
 The fertile empire of the plough 
 
 To barren Ihew devotes ; 
 Or vainly ftrives fome marfh to drain, 
 To counterfeit thy wholefome plain. 
 
 Or richeft meadow floats. 
 
 Now flow'rs difpos'd in various groupes, 
 Diflodge thofe honours of your foups, 
 
 The tafleful rich Legumes : 
 And, rais'd in mounts, or funk in wells. 
 From artlefs tufts, or labour'd fhells, 
 
 Difpenfe then* flrong perfumes. 
 
 How would your friend Sir Godfrey * fret ! 
 And Pope, in plaintive ftrains, regret 
 
 The days of his Queen Anne ? 
 Before you funk the firft Ha-ha ; 
 And ruling all by Foreft-Law, 
 
 This wafting Tafte began. 
 
 * Sir Godfrey Kneller. The 
 
 Spargent olivetis odorem 
 FertHibus domino priori. 
 Turn fpifla rarais laurea fervidos 
 
 Excludet idtus. Non ita Romuli 10 
 
 Praefcriptum, et intonfi Catonis 
 Aufpiciis, veterumque norma. 
 
 Privalus 
 
  
 
 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 5^ 
 
 The Monarch, worthy Britain's crown, 
 Sought not in private fields renown : 
 
 And none by her example, 
 Did caftles for their porter rear, 
 A Chinefe pagode for their deer, 
 
 Or for their horfe a temple. 
 
 The turf her humble fubjeds made 
 Their lowly feat, beneath the fliade 
 
 Of beeches, oaks, or birches : 
 And to their pious Queen they gave 
 Whate'er their patriot thrift could fave, 
 
 For building fifty churches. 
 
 Privatus illis cenfus erat brevis. 
 Commune magnum : nulla decempedis 
 
 Metata privatis opacam ig 
 
 Porticus excipiebat Ardon. 
 Nee fortuitum fpernere cefpitera 
 Leges finebant ; oppida publico 
 
 Sumptu jubentes, et Deorum 
 
 Templa novo decorate faxo. aO 
 
 I 
 
£8 MISCELLANEOUS VEUSES. 
 
 THr 
 
 DANGER OF WRITING VERSE; 
 
 A DIALOGUE 
 
 BETWEEN A YOUNG POET AND HIS FRIEND. 
 
 ADDRESSED TO 
 
 SIR CHARLES HANBURY WILLIAMS, KNT. 
 
 OccaConed by his fatirical Ode upon Mr. Huffej's Marriage with the Duchefs of Manchefter ; 
 which gave lb much perfonal OiTeace, 
 
 Quern tu, Melpomene, femel 
 
 Nafcentem placido lumine videris, 
 Ilium non labor IJlhmius 
 
 Clarahit pugilem ; non equus impiger 
 Curru ducet Achaico 
 
 ViBorem ; neque res bellica Deliis 
 Ornatumfoliis ducem, 
 
 Quod regum tumidas contuderit minas, 
 OJlendet Capitolio. Hor. Od. iii. 
 
 FRIEND. 
 
 THE Man at whofe birth Melpomene fniil'd. 
 Who fancies forfooth he 's Apollo's own child, 
 In the country indulges an indolent eafe. 
 And will make neither Sportfinan nor J.uftice of Peace. 
 
 6 Will 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 59 
 
 POET. 
 
 Will our Poet fucceed any better iu town ? 
 Is he likely to rife by the Sword or the Gown .'' 
 
 FRIEND. 
 
 Lackadayfir, the Mufe has fo addled his pate, 
 That he finds himfelf fit for no poft in the ftate. 
 
 POET. 
 
 But Horace, your friend, though his fons you abufe, 
 Shews the dignity, value, or charms of the Mufe : 
 
 FRIEND. 
 
 Tis true, fir, but there he has chofe to conceal. 
 What I, for the fake of young Bards, fliall reveal : 
 Then know, this profeflTion but tends to expofe 
 To the fear of your friends, the revenge of your foes. 
 Will the man, by your Verfes once injur'd, forgive, 
 Tho' the caufe of his pain Ihou'd ho longer furvive ? 
 All your friends tho' unhurt, you obferve, are perplext 
 With a jealous concern, left their turn fliould be next. 
 
 POET. 
 
 But, good fir, what need that the Bard muft abufe .'' 
 Let him fport with an innocent Paftoral Mufe : 
 
 FRIEND. 
 
 I grant, and the World will allow there 's no need ; 
 You may chufe what you '11 write, but they '11 chufe what 
 they read ; 
 
 I 2 And, 
 
60 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 And, dear ignorant Friend, to make fliort of the matter, 
 There 's nothing will pleafe 'em but perfonal fatire : 
 Nor fancy the world will e'er call for your ihimes, 
 Unlefs they believe 'em a touch on the times ; 
 Of this truth artful Pope may an inftance afford. 
 Who nam'd his late Work from the Year of our Lord. 
 This Horace confeft : for that Poet divine. 
 Who at firft wrote his Odes to his miftrefs and wine, 
 Soon with Chava€teT fill'd the fatyrical page. 
 And adapted his Mufe to the tafte of the age. 
 But fatire 's a thing, that 'tis dang'rous to deal in. 
 For tho'many Avant tafte, yet there 's none but has feeling. 
 This duly confider'd, the Poet difclaim. 
 Nor let Horace inveigle your fancy with fame ; 
 For the reafon Avhy he can unenvied divert us. 
 Is becaufe we are fure he 's unable to hurt us ; 
 His Characters touch not the Moderns ; and no man 
 Sees himfelf or his nation expos'd in a Roman : 
 Yet were he alive, I fliould think it, tho' loth, 
 . My duty to give this advice to you both. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 6i 
 
 A DIALO GUE 
 
 BETWEEN 
 
 LORD DUCIE AND HIS HORSE. 
 
 (Written in the Year 1748.) 
 
 DUCIE. 
 
 the dull lazy dog, how untimely he fails. 
 
 When in view we Ve the Prince and the Princefs of Wales l 
 Is this a fit time, you ungrateful, to flinch ? 
 
 HORSE. 
 
 You may whip me and fpur me ; I'll not ftir an inch. 
 
 1 wifli I 'd been Cambridge's, then I had feen 
 Hay and oats for my dinner and tailed a bean, 
 Which your Pythagorick decrees have forbid ; 
 And that makes me fo faint, I 'ant fit to be rid.. 
 
 DUCIE. I'll 
 
61 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 DUCIE. * 
 
 I'll convince you how foolilli the outcry which you make ; 
 
 What fignify Oats if you 're rid of your ftomach ? 
 
 Without fcruple, I grant, when extravagant Vefie * 
 
 Gave his horfe Hay and Oats, you were juftly uneafy. 
 
 But with Cambridge's horfes 'tis quite a new cafe ; 
 
 They are trying to make you difpleas'd with your place ; 
 
 'Tis the way of all fervants ; but pray, do they fay 
 
 How many long miles they are rid in a day ? 
 
 How oft the poor devils are gallopt to Villiers ? 
 
 I '11 warrant they often have envied my Thillers -f-. 
 
 Did you e'er know me out when pronouncing the doom 
 
 Prophetic of Cambridge's annual groom ? 
 
 Now if he kills a groom once a twelvemonth, or more, 
 
 Of horfes at leaft he muft kill half a fcore. 
 
 He cares little for 'em, and feels no more pain, 
 
 If in harveft it pours down whole buckets of rain ; 
 
 While I and my fervants are toiling all day. 
 
 In the heat of the fun to roaft you your hay. 
 
 With his good friend the World on the water he goes, 
 
 And calls off his hands to his barges and Ihows. 
 
 But you want to change for his place, you 're fo cunning ; 
 
 Did he ever build you a liable to run in ? 
 
 * Lord Ducie's Steward, 
 t The horfe that goes between the fhafts. 
 
 Have 
 
MTSC'E'LLANEOUS VERSES. 63 
 
 Have you feen in his fields fuch a lioufe as your own, 
 With one pillar of brick and another of ftone ? 
 No, no, fir, he builds you your buildings of tafte : 
 And fo all his fortune is running to wafte. 
 Am I ever profufe in wigs, waiftcoats, or coats, y 
 
 In caftles or porticos, bridges or boats ? 
 
 HORSE. 
 
 What 's all this to me, if I never eat Oats ? 
 
«4 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 THE 
 
 AUTHOR 
 
 TO THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 IM. HOR. EPIS. 20. 
 
 WELL then, for all that I have faid, 
 You keep your eyes on Tully's head *. 
 Has pride with fuch impatience fill'd you, 
 You pine till Dodfley clothe and gild you ; 
 As foppifli minors court their taylor, 
 And hate their guardian as their gaoler. 
 'Tis fo, you an't content, you fay 
 With Barnard, Whitehead, Yorke, and Wray. 
 
 • The head of Cicero over Mr. Dodfley 's door. 
 
 No 
 
 VERTUMNUM Janumque, liber, fpedare videris ; 
 Scilicet ut prolies Sofiorum pumice mundus, 
 Odifti claves, et grata figilla pudico : 
 Paucis oftendi gemisj et communia laudas, 
 Non ita nutritus : fuge qu6 defcendere geftis : 
 Non erit eiuiflb reditus tibi. Quid mifer egi ? 
 Quid volui ? dices, ubi quis te laeferit : et fcis 
 
 la 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 65 
 
 No more you '11 vifit fqueamifli Wits, 
 
 So often in their abfent fits : 
 
 No more be read alone to Browne ; 
 
 But go at once upon the Town. 
 
 Go then, you '11 never think me wife, 
 
 Till Wits begin to criticife. 
 
 And doom you to the trunks or pies. 
 
 Or, if it happens for a while, 
 
 Your novelty flionld make 'em fniile, 
 
 Soon will you think of my advice, 
 
 When the cloy'd reader grows fo nice : 
 
 For fomething new he throws you by, 
 
 Where you o'erwhelm'd forgot mufl lye ; 
 
 Where daily pamphlets fliall confound you, 
 
 And Night Thoughts ever growing round you. 
 
 } 
 
 But while their favour you maintain, 
 (For 'tis as fliort liv'd as 'tis vain) 
 
 Thus 
 
 In breve te cogi, pknus cSm languet amator. 
 
 Quod fi non odio peccantis defipit augur, 
 
 Canis eris Romae, donee te deferat setas. 10 
 
 Contredtatus ubi njanibus foidefcere vulgi 
 
 Caeperis ; aut tineas pafces taciturnus inertes ; 
 
 Aut fugies Uticam ; aut vinftus niitteris Ilerdam, 
 
 Ridebit monitor non exauditus, ut ille, 
 
 K ^ Qui 
 
66 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Thus much of me you may declare. 
 That tho' 1 hve in Country air, 
 And with a fnug retirement bleft. 
 Yet oft, impatient of my neft, 
 I fpread my broad and ample wing, 
 And in the midft of action fpring. 
 A great admirer of great men, 
 And much by them admir d again. 
 My body light, my figure dim. 
 My mind difpos'd to mirth and whim : 
 Then on my Family hold forth, 
 Lefs fam'd for Quality than Worth. 
 But let not all thefe points divert you 
 From fpeaking largely of my Virtue. 
 Should any one defire to hear a 
 Precife defcription of your iEra, 
 
 Tell 
 
 Qui mal^ parentem in rupes protrufit afellum I5 
 
 Iratus : Quis enim invitum fervare laboret ? 
 
 Hoc quoque te manet, ut pueros elementa docentem 
 
 Occupet extremis in vicis balba fenedlus. 
 
 Cum tibi Sol tepidus plures admoverit aures ; 
 
 Me libertino natum patre et in tenui re 20 
 
 Majores pennas nido extendiffe loqueris : 
 
 Uk 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 67 
 
 Tell 'em that you was on the anvil, 
 When Bath came into pow'r with Granville. 
 When they came in you were about, 
 And not quite done when they went out*. 
 
 * Their Adminiftration lafted only three days. 
 
 Ut quantum generi demas, virtutibus addas. 
 
 Me primis urbis belli placuifle domique ; 
 
 Corporis exigui, praecanum, folibus aptum, 
 
 Irafci celerem, tamen ut placabilis effem. fi5 
 
 Forte meum fi quis te percundlabitur sevum ; 
 
 Me quater undenos fciat implevifle Decembres ; 
 
 Collegam Lepidum quo duxit LolUus anno. 
 
 K 2 
 
THli 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD 
 
 AN 
 
 HEROIC POEM, 
 
 IN 
 
 -SIX BOOKS. 
 
EXPLANATION OF THE FRONTISPIECE. 
 
 THE Satyr in the Frontifpiece reprefents Comic Poetry, who 
 having overthrown the Sphynx, or Falfe Science, ignominioufly 
 leads lier in triumph, and makes fport with thofe Problems and 
 iEnigmas, with which {he tortured and diftra6ted the minds 
 of men. 
 
 Bt the Fable of the Sphynx may be underftood Pedantry, or 
 that learned Arrogance, which, by the afFe6lation of Myftery and 
 Riddles, impofes on the underftandings of mankind. 
 
THE 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 1 H O U G H an Author perfuades himfelf that his work will 
 fully explain itfelf to all who read it with attention, and have the 
 patience to obferve how fome parts refleA light on others, and all 
 conduce to illuftrate the whole; yet I have not the vanity to 
 flatter myfelf that the generality of readers will give that attention 
 to a Poet on his firft appearance in print, which is abfolutely ne- 
 ceflary for the thorough underftauding this Poem. Therefore I 
 have yielded to the inftances of fome, who advife me to publiih a 
 few prefatory lines for the fatisfadlion of thofe who read rather 
 for amufement, than for the critical confideration of fuch com- 
 pofitions. 
 
 Let us firft confider the true Idea of a work of this nature. 
 
 A Mock- Heroic poem fliould, in as many refpefts as poflible, 
 imitate the True Heroic. The more particulars it copies from 
 them, the more perfeft it will be. By the fame rule it fhould 
 admit as few things as poflible, which are not of the caft and 
 colour of the ancient Heroic poems. The more of thefe it admits, 
 the more imperfed will it be. It fliould, throughout, be ferious, 
 becaufe the originals are ferious ; therefore the author fhould never 
 be feen to laugh, but conftantly wear that grave irony which Cer- 
 vantes only has inviolably preferved. An author may be very 
 deficient in the obfervation of thefe rules, and yet he may write a 
 
 very 
 
72 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 very pleafing, though it cannot be called a peifed Mock-Heroic 
 poem. It will pleafe many readers, though it have no other fupport 
 than here and there a Parody of fome known paffages of an. 
 efteemed Author. 
 
 The Athenians were fo fond of Parody, that they eagerly ap- 
 plauded it, without examining with Avhat propriety or con- 
 nexion it was introduced. Ariftophanes fliews no fort of regard 
 to either in his ridicule of Euripides ; but brings in the characters 
 as well as verfes of his tragedies, in many of his plays, though they 
 have no connexion with the plot of the play, nor any relation to 
 the fcene in which they are introduced. This love of Parody is 
 accounted for by an excellent French critic, from a certain ma-- 
 lignity in mankind, which prompts them to laugh at what they 
 mofl efteem, thinking they, in fome meafure, repay therafelves 
 for that involuntary tribute which is exafted from them by 
 merit.. 
 
 I iliall be very much mifunderftood if it be thought that I defire 
 to detraft from the abundant merit of the Lutrin, Difpenfary, Rape 
 of the Lock, and Dunciad. They have each a thoufand beauties 
 Avhich I do not pretend to ; but I have always thought that they 
 did not come up to the true idea of a Mock-Heroic poem. 
 
 I take for granted, nobody believes that the primary Defign of 
 either of thefe Poets was to write a Mock-Heroic. 
 
 Boileau being ftruck with the abfurd difputes of certain con- 
 tending ecclefiaftics, refolved to make them tlie fubje6l of his 
 ridicule ; and afterwards pitched upon the imitation of the Heroic 
 as a vehicle for his Satire. The comic humour of Garth was 
 ftrongly excited by the faftious divifions in his own profeffion, and 
 would probably have vented itfelf in prole, but that the admired 
 ' * . ' performance 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 7^ 
 
 performance of Boileau invited his imitation. And Pope wrote his 
 firft effay of this kind to put an end, by ridicule, to a quarrel 
 between two families ; and his fecond from a juft indignation 
 againft his libellers, and not from any formed defign to write a 
 true Mock-Heroic Poem. When firft I read thefe Poems, I per- 
 ceived that they had all fome great defeft, and though the more 1 
 read them the ftronger I felt this defe<5l, and always conceived 
 that fomething might be written more perfed in this kind, 
 yet I never difcovered what it was until I came to know that 
 Don Quixote was a work which would give as much fatis- 
 faftion in a critical examination as moft of the compofitions of the 
 ancients. I then found that propriety was the fundamental 
 excellence of that work. That all the marvellous was reconcile- 
 able to probability, as the author led his hero into that fpecies of 
 abfurdity only, which it was natural for an imagination, heated 
 with the continual reading of books of chivalry, to fall into. 
 That the want of attention to this, was the fundamental defedl of 
 thefe poems. For with what propriety do churchmen, phyficians, 
 beaux and belles, or bookfellers, addrefs themfelves to the Heathen 
 Gods, offer facrifices, confult oracles, or talk the language of 
 Homer and the heroes of Antiquity ? With the fame impropriety 
 do thefe authors frequently leave their fubjeft, and the very colour 
 of the heroic, to defcribe fome modern chara6ter, introduce per- 
 fonal fatire or epigrammatic wit. The Poems I admire, and in many 
 places for their very faults : and the Authors I vindicate, as the 
 attempt of the Mock-Heroic was only their fecondary view. 
 
 Whoever examines Swift's Battle of the Books, will give it the 
 preference in this particular ; for he will find throughout that 
 little piece, no one epifode or allufion introduced for its own fake, 
 
 L but 
 
7* PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 but every part will appear confiftent with, and written only to 
 flrengthen and fupport, the Avhole. 
 
 The imitation of the ancients was my chief, and at that time, 
 only defign, as appears from what I have faid above. Thefe 
 thoughts, together with the remembrance of the claffics, were frefh 
 in my mind, when Pope firfl publifhed the Memoirs of Scriblerus ; 
 an admirable defign, undertaken by many of the greateft wits of 
 the laft age, but dropt in the very beginning ; and the little we 
 have is executed very imequally. Yet, fuch as it was, it fur- 
 nifhed me with an hint for a fubjeft, and principally with an Hero, 
 who having the manners of the ancients induftrioully inculcated 
 from his cradle by the enlhufiafm of his father, muft always with 
 propriety think, aft, and fpeak like them. I confidered that taking 
 up a charafter which had been already explained, would be a great 
 advantage in an Epic Poem, which as it fhould always haften into 
 the midft of things, would not admit of fuch an explanation of a 
 new charafter in the beginning of it, as is, without any offence to 
 the nature of that work, at large defcribed in the firft chapter of 
 Don Quixote ; and makes the whole firft canto of Hudibras. I 
 had alfo the fatisfaftion of complying with a fundamental rule of 
 Horace, who is too found a critic to deliver with importance an 
 advice which he had not proved to be of moment. 
 
 Difficile eji proprie communia dicere : tuque 
 ReBius Iliacum carmen deducts in aEtus 
 Quamji proferres ignota indiBaque primus. 
 New fubjeBs are not eajily explained, 
 And you had better chufe a well-known theme, 
 Than trujl to an invention of your own, 
 
 Roscommon. 
 
 la 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 75 
 
 In the lines immediately following he cautions againft a fervilc 
 imitation, which I had no reafon to fear, as I undertook to con- 
 tinue their defign by taking up Scriblerus where they left him, and 
 confequently cannot interfere with any one adlion which they have 
 defcribed : and I have taken care, in order to keep it ftill more 
 feparate from theirs, to make no allufions to the Memoirs, of any 
 confequence, but merely fuch as give a handle to quote them in 
 the notes, and thereby, as it were accidentally, refer the reader to 
 them (for when I printed the firft book, I had no thought of writ- 
 ing this Preface) as I chofe rather that he Ihould get an idea of 
 this enthufiaftic chara6ler from a work already printed, than to 
 repeat the defcription and clog my book with it. So that, but for 
 thefe reafons, which I do not think of any great force, I might as 
 well have had a new charafter of my own invention, with a new 
 name : But what advantage would have refulted from that ? , And 
 what objeftion to the charafter and name of Scriblerus ? Do not 
 all thefe idle travels, all thefe frivolous inveftigations and ufelefs 
 purfuits end in fcribbling, to the unreafonable increafe of that 
 wordy lumber, Avhich provokes the humourous Fajardo to cry out, 
 O ! Jupiter, if thou haji any compajjionfor poor mortals, fend us, 
 once in a century, an army of Goths and Va7idals to redrefs the 
 calamity of this inundation of authors. May we not fuppofe that 
 thefe books, fo formidable in their bulk and number, muft ftrike 
 a damp on all beginners in literature, who fuppofing that a man 
 cannot be ftiled a fcholar till he has laboured through all thofe vo- 
 lumes, chufe rather to decline all pretenfions to that name, than to 
 enter upon fo ferious an engagement ? Is it not therefore, in fome 
 degree, laudable to endeavour to flop the progrefs of this evil, and 
 by Ihewing the vanity and ufelefsnefs of many ftudies, reduce them 
 
 L 2 to 
 
76 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 to a lefs formidable appearance, and invite our youth to application, 
 by letting them fee that a lefs degree of it than they apprehend, 
 judicioufly dire6led, and a very few books indeed, well recom- 
 mended, will give them all the real information which they are to 
 expeft from human fcience. 
 
 This naturally leads me to fpeak of my Defign. I have already 
 faid that my original view was to write a Mock-Heroic Poem ; but 
 I fhould have thought my time moft triflingly employed, had I fet 
 out with that intention only. But I no longer hefitated, when I 
 found that I could, confiftently with the Charafter of my Hero and 
 Manners of the Poem, comprehend the whole compafs of falfe 
 fcience, without omitting any thing that could pofTibly be brought 
 into a6lion. As the prefs has groaned more of late with the 
 wranglings of theologians and metaphyficians than any other 
 kind of writing, the omiffion of them may appear a defe6l, but it 
 would have been extremely injudicious to have attempted any 
 thing fo little of the colour of heroic poetry. This will appear 
 from the flight touches upon the quibbles in law and cafuiftry, 
 towards the end of the Sixth Book, which have fo little of the epic 
 caft, that I fear they are diftinguifliable to a fault : yet I let them 
 ftand, being willing to fill the meafure of abfurdity, and omit 
 nothing that can polTibly have a place to complete the plaui 
 
 Having confidered the Nature of the Poem, and the Defign or 
 Moral Intention of it, I come next to the Character of the Hero. 
 In this I had an advantage which I had not in the two former. I 
 mean a perfect model to copy by, and the Heps of a great mafler to 
 tread in, who frequently walks on the brink of improbability, yet 
 you can never difcover that his head turns, or his foot Aides. 
 
 Such 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 77 
 
 Such a guide is Cervantes : and from diligently ftudying him 
 ■we learn, that things, at firfl fight moft apparently improbable, may 
 be reconciled to belief by the circumflances of time, place, and 
 accidents : by which the marvellous, fo excellent in all kinds of 
 fiftion, particularly the poetical, may be produced without giving 
 into the romantic. This gives a ludicrous fidion, founded on the 
 charadler of an enthufiaft, an advantage over the ferious Epic : 
 for there the marvellous never appears without a moft glaring 
 offence to truth ; whereas in the former, the reader is as much 
 aftonifhed as at the moft incredible falfity, till he has time to refleft 
 on the heated imagination of the Hero, Avhich reconciles all 
 to probability. Numberlefs inftances of this will occur to the 
 reader from Don Quixote. I will illuftrate it with one from the 
 Scribleriad. 
 
 Credulity is one ftrong charaderiftic of our Hero ; therefore 
 without ufing any of the arts above-mentioned, I fend him at 
 once to fearch for the Petrified City. A ftory which meets with 
 univerfal belief among the Africans, and I could inftance feveral 
 Europeans Avhofe faith in this particular has coft them fome pains 
 and expence. This, therefore, is ftraining no point. But Al- 
 bertus, who is one that loves a joke (for that is the obvious mean- 
 ing of Momus in Albertus's fliape) advifes him to confult a 
 natural fool. He readily complies. Thus far his behaviour has 
 nothing extraordinary, being influenced by the cuftom of the 
 country. For however ridiculous fuch condu6l may feem here, 
 at Cairo it was only in/attire folennia, to be as mad as they: 
 for there every body holds thefe naturals in veneration, and 
 catches what drops from their mouths with equal enthufiafm. 
 But he muft not only venerate, he muft have a fatisfadory 
 i anfwer 
 
78 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. " 
 
 anfwer and dire6lion for his future life from a madman. Tiiis can 
 only be produced by felf-delufion, for an ideot cannot be taught 
 to aft in confederacy. The felf-delufion is not difficult, but the 
 timing it exaftly at the confultation is a nicety. For this purpofe 
 Scriblerus is made to pafs a reftlefs night without fleep, then to 
 weary himfelf by fearching for his prophet an whole day, then to 
 be llunned with a blow (which at the fame time ferves to charac- 
 terize the idiot in the love of mifchief natural to fuch) and more- 
 over to be ftupified by drinking opium unawares ; the known 
 effefts of which upon a brain already full of a favourite projeft, 
 which we may fuppofe his advifer Albertus took care to prepare 
 him with, will account for the manner in which he relates this 
 adventure to his friends. I cite this as an inftancc of reconciling 
 the marvellous to probability by the circumfpeftion and art of the 
 author. I fliall now mention fome other methods I have taken of 
 introducing this great requifite in Heroic Poetry. It is a known 
 maxim that a man hazards his charafter of veracity more by telling 
 improbable truths than probable lies ; Avhich proves that fuch 
 improbable truths do always appear the marvellous to thofe who 
 have not been ufed to think on the fubjeft. 
 
 Doubtlefs the rowing under water appears fo flrongly the mar- 
 vellous, that upon firft view it will be thought impoffible. Yet 
 this has certainly been executed, and nothing is more eafy to 
 perform for a fmall fpace of time. Therefore not the imprafti- 
 cability but the ufelefsnefs of the invention is the objeft of 
 ridicule. ^ ' 
 
 Another method of introducing the marvellous is by referving 
 
 for the end of the book the moft confummate abfurdities of enthu- 
 
 fiaftic faith, then, by an artful rapidity of defcription, to hurry on 
 
 6 the 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 79 
 
 the reader, and make his imagination keep company with the cre- 
 dulous zealots, and then at once to conclude unexpe6ledly, leaving 
 the impreffion of the marvellous ftrong on the mind without thofe 
 circumftances which, in the firft mentioned cafe, at the fame time 
 that they reconcile it to probability, greatly weaken the force and 
 eife6t of it. 
 
 The commentators on Homer apologize for the glaring falfe- 
 hoods which Ulyffes relates, by fhewing they are told to the Phaea- 
 cians a credulous people : Scriblerus tells his to Pilgrims, the mofl 
 ready of all men to fwallow lies. Therefore all the marvellous in 
 his narration is doubly accounted for, by the love of hearing it in 
 them, and the love. of telling it fo ftrongly the charafteriftic of 
 the Hero. 
 
 I engage with more cheerfulnefs to explain the Character of my 
 Hero, becaufe I would not have it fo much mifunderftood, as it 
 muft be by thofe who take their idea of it from the Memoirs. I 
 was always furprized that Mr. Pope lliould make his Scriblerus fo 
 complicated a charafter as he reprefents him in the laft chapter of 
 the Memoirs, attributing to him things quite incompatible. Nay, 
 fuch is his lull of loading this charafter, that he declares Gulliver's 
 Travels to be the travels of Scriblerus ; and this without any other 
 pretence than that Swift had once defigned to write the travels of 
 Scriblerus. What reafons induced him to change this work of 
 humour to a particular gratification of his fpleen, it is not to the 
 prefent purpofe to make knoAvn : but this is certain, that when he 
 made fo total an alteration in his defign, he took care not to give 
 one feature of Scriblerus to his Gulliver. 
 
 Let us therefore forget all impreffions made on us by the two laft 
 chapters of the Memoirs, and examine what his charader is in the 
 
 Scribleriad, 
 
«0 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 Scribleriad. If we trace him book by book, we fliall find ~liim, in 
 the firft, an enthufiaftic admirer of the ancients, defirous to imi- 
 tate their heroes in a6lion, and their writers in fentiment ; and in 
 this his extravagance does not exceed that of * Pomponius Lsetus, 
 Bclurger, and many others. He there appears in the light of an 
 antiquary, as is Ihewn by the colle6lion which compofes the pile. 
 Next of a pedant, by his fpeech on the food of different nations, 
 wherein he prides himfelf in fliewing what Pope calls 
 allfuch reading as was never read. 
 
 The fame charafter ftill appears in his fpeeches on dreams, and 
 on oracles. After this he is feen in no other throughout the whole 
 work than that of an Alchymift. 
 
 For three whole books he is a mere fpectator and admirer of the 
 follies of others. In the fecond, his raflmefs and injudicious 
 curiofity are fet forth in his voyage to fee an Earthquake : but 
 when he arrives at the Poetic Land, it appears to be fo little to his 
 tafte that he flies from it immediately. In the next country he 
 comes to, he fhews no genius himfelf for the arts of the place, of 
 which he contents himfelf to be an humble admirer. He proje6ls 
 nothing mechanical, and only prefides over fuch games as his com- 
 panions had learned from the queen. Thus are various abfurd 
 
 arts 
 
 • Pomponius Latus lived in the 15th century, he was a great fcholar, and 
 eftcemed hiftorian, yet fuch was his infatuation to the ancient Romans, that 
 he changed his name from Peter to Pomponius, renounced the Chriftian reli- 
 gion, paid divine honours to Romulus, affedied other pagan ceremonies, Sfc. 
 8)'c. &jc. Romance autem vetuflatis iantus erat admirator, ut cum e falario 
 difcipulorum agdlum S; domunculum in Quirinali fibi parajfet in ea natalem 
 urbis coleret 8f Romulum. Idem quoties marmor aliquod effoderetur ex urbis 
 ruinis illacri/mabatur, ac caufam rogatus, addebat, Admonitu meliorum tem- 
 porum ploro. Voffius de Hiftoricis Latinis. 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 8i 
 
 arts introduced, neceffary to the completion of the plan, without 
 either clogging the Hero's charaAer, or lofing fight of him during- 
 the whole a61ion. And thus it is evident that Scriblerus appears 
 only as an Antiquary, Pedant, and Alchymift. The two firft 
 chara(5ters are almoft infeparable, and the laft cannot be faid to be 
 inconTpatible with them. 
 
 Before I leave the charader of the Hero, I muft make one 
 remark. The Exordium of the Scribleriad propofes only to lead 
 an Hero, whofe curiofity has already carried him into many 
 perilous adventures, through new attempts equally difficult and 
 hazardous. The Reader will from hence conclude that here is a 
 very defedive imitation of an Heroic plan. That both the Iliad 
 and Odyfley have one great defign in view ; and that Virgil's 
 correct mufe propofes at firft the Trojans fettling in Italy, and 
 before the work is advanced three hundred lines, introduces Jupiter 
 giving a folemn promife of their fuccefs. But this will be found 
 a neceflary omifilion in the exordium, and there will appear no 
 fuch defect in the plan, in which a moft important event is 
 brought to pafs, no lefs than the planting a confiderable Colony 
 of antiquaries, who are as eflfectually founded as if Jupiter had 
 granted them a Charter in the firft book. And it muft be obferved, 
 that by bringing this about indirectly and unexpectedly, there is 
 avoided a great impropriety. For it being the peculiar character of 
 Scriblerus and all his aflbciates, to devife for themfelves fchemes 
 altogether fruitlefs and impracticable, it would be the utmoft 
 breach of confiftency to let them fucceed in any thing they had 
 propofed. 
 
 Here I fuppofe fome Critics will cry out, Why then is he 
 made to fucceed in the art of making gold ? This fundamental 
 
 M maxim 
 
r 
 
 "t. 
 
 88 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 maxim of fliewing all the Hero's purfuits vaiu and fruitlefs is 
 overthrown by the fuccefsful ending of the Poem. To fuch I can 
 only recommend to reconfider the end of the poem, and by laying 
 feveral paflages together to obferve how they explain one another. 
 It is firft to be noted that the lead is not faid to have obtained any 
 other property of gold than colour, Avhich is very far from a funda- 
 mental alteration. The zealous Alchymilb, and not the Poet, 
 infinuate that the work is accompliflied. At the fame time Scrib- 
 lerus cuts the throat of a Cow and undertakes to bring her to life 
 again, fo that you have nothing but the bare word of one opinion- 
 ated vifionary for the latter, which you know to be impoffible, and 
 that of feveral fuch as himfelf for the former, which may be proved 
 by demonftration to be fo. Does this look like fuccefs ? Suppofing 
 it had that appearance, is it not all deftroyed by his laft fpeech, 
 wherein he difcovers a prefentiment that their hopes will be 
 defeated by two great vices : Their own folly and impiety in 
 giving the honour of this fuccefs to a Mortal, and paying him 
 divine rites, Avhich at the fame time raifes in him a vice (vanity) 
 Avhich he has been particularly warned againll as deftruftive of 
 his fuccefs. 
 
 The Angular propriety which attends this plan of having an 
 hero whofe manners are conformable to the manners of the poem, 
 made me cautious how I introduced any charafter who might not 
 think and talk in the fame ftrain : I confidered yet farther, that as 
 the work forthemoft part was a criticifm upon falfe and ufelefs phi- 
 lofophy, it would be a propriety to ufe limiles and allufions taken 
 from the abfurd or trifling parts of natural hiftory and philofophy. 
 And as I endeavoured to rejeft every thing that was not confonant 
 with this defign, fo I thought it would tend to the perfedion of the 
 9 work 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 83 
 
 work to bring i» every thing that was. The obfervation of thefe 
 two rules has, I fear, two very bad effe6ls. It excludes fome things, 
 that might havebeen entertaining, and it admits fome that are not 
 fo : and this is the reafon Avhy I faid above, that I admire fome of 
 our Mock-Heroics for their very faults. 
 
 Such ornaments as were not foreign to my defign I have intro- 
 duced as often as I found a place for them. Of this kind are fuch 
 particulars in art or nature as are not commonly known. Thus I 
 have taken an occafion, in defcribing the Cave of Rumour, to give 
 an exa6l reprefentation of the famous Latomiee, and of a no lefs 
 furprizing pha;nomenon in nature, by giving the Surinam Toad for 
 one of the prizes. I have alfo obferved a ftrift accuracy in the 
 defcription of any thing philofophical or mechanical : " Thus the 
 " account of the Plica-Polonica in the 3d Book, and the artificial 
 "wings in the 4th, are both taken from the Philofophical Tranf- 
 "aaions." 
 
 It would have feemed pedantic as well as tedious to have been 
 too minutely accurate in fome particulars. One inftance may 
 ferve to fliewhow I have in general avoided it. The Minarets of 
 Cairo differ from the general fliapeof the Minarets, and are difficult 
 to defcribe, as not being of a mathematical figure ; therefore, 
 though they are the Minarets I fpeak of in the text, I chofe in the 
 note to defcribe the more general form. 
 
 It may be proper to add a few hints for fuch readers as are not 
 very converfant with burlefque writings. In the verfification they 
 will find noAV and then a mock dignity and folemnity afFe6ied, the 
 emptinefs of which may be paft over undifcovered by an hafty 
 reader, but will appear to a very flight examination. There is not a 
 more impertinent fault in modern poetry than the frequency of 
 
 M 2 moral 
 
 4 
 
84 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 moral refledions, which are generally delivered in metaphor, a 
 nfigure ufed with fo little accuracy, that you feldom find an author 
 carry it through fix lines M'ithout changing it more than once, 
 and that in a much more glaring way than I have done in thofe 
 lines which are written on purpofe to ridicule thefe moral reflec- 
 tions and change of metaphor. I mean the Apoftrophe in the 3d 
 B. line 290. This is endeavoured to be explained in note on 
 1. 201 of B. 4. as far as could be done, without the breagh of that 
 Irony which is obferved as ftriftly in the notes as in the text, and 
 which is the caufe of the demand for this preface. To fuch as 
 are little acquainted with Irony, I muft recommend to remember 
 that they are to expeft it frequently, and may often be mifled by 
 it if they are off their guard. They will find this figure flrongeft 
 in the following notes. * B. 2. line 123. B. 3. line 11. 25. 37. 1Q3. 
 B- 4. line 68. 1 8 1 . 1 89- 20 1 . 230. 
 
 By Irony is generaJly underfl:ood the faying one thing and 
 meaning another. Then how fiiall it be known Avhether a bur- 
 lefque writer means the thing he fays, or the contrary ? This is 
 
 * This is intended as a cenfure on thofe who pay an undlftinguiftiing 
 veneration to great names, and perfuade themfelvcs to ad'mire weak and idle 
 paflages in their favourite author, which they would treat with the utmoft 
 contenipt if they found them any where elfe. The fatire is levelled againft 
 thefe learned men, as they are called, and not againft Plato, whom I would 
 gladly vindicate from the imputation of the romantic, by fuppofing the paffage 
 written in compliance to the popular religion. 
 
 Some old commentators on Virgil, vvhofe notion Ruaeus rejeds, have ima- 
 gined that the laurel which grew over the altar in the 2. B. of theiEneid was 
 an artificial tree, whofe body, branches and leaves were gold ; with fruits of prcr 
 cious ftones. This notion however (hews that fuch artificial trees were exhi- 
 bited at their facrifices and religious myfteries, and whatever made a part of 
 the fcenery in the myfteries was always tranfplanted by the writers into theis 
 Jilyfium, 
 
 only 
 
PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 8« 
 
 only to be found by attention and a comparifon of paffagcs. Let 
 us endeavour to fee this by an inftance. Scriblerus is piomifetl 
 the grand Elixir, it is frequently infmuated that he is to poffefs 
 this fecret of tranfmuting metals and prolonging life, and the work 
 concludes without explaining direftly that he is difappointed in 
 his expectations. But will it not appear that thefe expectations 
 are ironically given, when we find all preceding ones to have been 
 fo ? For of all the many prophecies delivered to him, the only 
 one fulfilled is that of his being reduced to a ftate of beggary in his 
 purfuit of alchymy. 
 
 The Goofe and Goflings willfeem more vulgar to the unlearned 
 than to the learned reader, and fo mvift the Wig in the firft Book, 
 to all who do not know that thefe are written with the view of 
 imitating two paffages in Virgil. Thus there are alfo many lines 
 which mufi: appear very fl;range to thofe who do not iecolle<5l fuch. 
 paffages of the ancients as they allude to. 
 
 The goofe and goflings are, in imitation of Virgil, called 
 
 — — — — — — a Jirange portent. 
 Scriblerus, B. VI. aflcs the name of a town Avhich it is evident 
 
 he knew, a thing very common in Homer. 
 Thus Scriblerus, 
 
 — — — — Ah ! feek not now to know 
 A feries of unutterable woe, 
 
 in imitation of these lines of Pope's Homer, , - ' 
 
 Prepare then, fa'ul Telemachus, to know 
 A Tale from faljliood free, not free from woe, 
 when there is not much woe in either of their tales. 
 
 To complete the defign of mock gravity, the Author and 
 Editors are reprefented full as great enthufiafts as the Hero ; there- 
 
 fbre,> 
 
86 PREFACE TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 fore, as all tilings are fuppofed to appear to them in the famelight 
 as they do to hnn, there are feveral things which they could not 
 explain without laying afide their affumed chara6ter. An inftance 
 of this may ferve to explain a paflage which cannot be under- 
 ftood, but by thofe who have feen the deferts at fafliionable enter- 
 tainments, at which there are generally mixed with the real iVuit, 
 feveral fruits made of fugar pafte, and coloured to a very near re- 
 femblance ; in each of thefe are enclofed two French verfes, im- 
 porting fome quaint conceit on Love. This could not be told in 
 the notes, becaufe, as the author has fujipofed it to be a real 
 nut, the editors Ihould not difcover it to be artificial. 
 
 The having written fo much in alTumed charafilers, made it, in 
 a manner, neceflary for me to write fomething in my own, to which 
 I fliall not fcruple to put my name, as I flatter myfelf I have fliewn 
 throughout my Book, that the Follies of mankind provoke my 
 Laughter and not my Spleen ; and fo long as they have this effe6l on 
 me, 1 cannot have any great quarrel againft them. It may plainly 
 be perceived, that I have induftrioufly kept clear of much ftrong 
 fatire which naturally prefented itself in a work of this nature, and 
 particularly of perfonal refleftions. 
 
 Quod vitium procul abfoke Chartis, 
 
 atque animo prius, ut si quid promittebe de me 
 
 possum aliud, vere promitxo. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 RICHARD OWEN CAMBRIDGE. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK I. 
 
ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Poet, in propofing his Subject, difcovers Saturn, or Time, to be an enemy 
 to his Hero. Then briefly touching the caufe of his enmity, haftens into the 
 midft of things, and prefents Scriblerus with his Aflbciates traverfing the 
 vaft defarts of Africa, in queft of the Petrified City. Saturn, perceiving 
 he has now an opportunity of confummate revenge, by depriving the Hero of 
 his Life, and, what is far more dear to him, his Fame; prevails on ^olus to 
 raife, by a whirlwind, a Storm of fand over his head, and to bury him and his 
 companions at once in oblivion. Scriblerus's fpeech ; he difcovers the ut- 
 moft magnanimity ; and fcorning fo bafe a death, by an un[>aralleled prefence 
 of mind, erefts a ftrudure of all his rarities, and fetting fire to it, prepares 
 to throw himfelf amidft the flames. The god, taking the facrifice of fo large 
 a coUedlion as a full fubmiffion, confents to fpare his life ; but, to fruftrate 
 his prefent expectations, diredls the cloud of dufl; to fall on the Petrified City, 
 which is thereby buried. Scriblerus, unable to furvive the lofs of his trea- 
 fures, is prevented from profecuting his defign of burning himfelf by a mi- 
 racle, wrought by the interpofition of the god Momus. After a fruitlefs 
 fearch of fix days more, his companions prefs him to return. Scriblerus's 
 fpeech to them : he perfifts in his refolution of continuing the fearch, till 
 he is difluaded from it by Albertus, who relates to him a fi<5litious dream. 
 Scriblerus pronounces an Eulogy on prophetic Dreams. He recounts his 
 own dream ; and laments the fcarcity and uncertainty of all other modern 
 Oracles, Albertus advifes him to confult a Morofoph, whom he defcribcs. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK THE FIRST. 
 
 ' I ^HE much-enduring man, whofe curious foul 
 
 -*• Bore him, with ceafelefs toil, from pole to pole, 
 Infatiate, endlefs knowledge to obtain. 
 Thro' woes by land, thro' dangers on the main, 
 New woes, new dangers deftin'd to engage, 5 
 
 By wrathful Saturn's unrelenting rage, 
 I fmg. Calliope, the caufe relate. 
 Whence fprung the jealous god's immortal hate. 
 
 Long had his fcythe, Avith unrefifted sway. 
 Spread wide his conquefts : All around him lay 1 
 
 The boaftful vi6lims that proclaim'd him great. 
 And earth-born fplendor perifli'd at his feet ; 
 When, like the Titans, the Scriblerian line 
 Oppos'd, Avith mortal arms, his pow'r divine ; 
 
 N From 
 
90 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 From dark oblivion fnatcli'd the mould'ring fpoiJ, 15 
 
 Work'd as he Avork'd, and baffled force with toil. 
 Hence firft the god's fevere refentment flow'd, 
 Till ripen'd vengeance in his bofom glow'd. 
 
 ScRiBLERUs now had left the fruitful Nile : 
 (At once the nurfe and parent of the foil.) 20 
 
 Say, goddefs, fay, what urgent caufe demands 
 His dang'rous travel o'er the pathlefs fands. 
 
 In one dread night, a petrifying blaft, 
 Portentous, o'er aflonifli'd Africk paft; 
 Whofe fury, fpent on one devoted town, 25 
 
 Transform'd the whole, with Gorgon force, to flone. 
 Each fofter fubftance, in that direful hour, 
 Ev'n life, confefs'd the cold petrific pow'r. 
 AVhile yet flie plies the dance, the buxom maid 
 Feels the cliill pangs her ftiffen'd limbs invade : 30 
 
 Thro' the warm veins of boiling youth they fpread, 
 And fix the bridegroom in the genial bed. 
 
 Big 
 
 Line 1 7. Hence firft the god's, &c.] The wratli of Saturn againft Scriblerus 
 and his allies, is here declared to have the fame foundation with his refentment 
 recorded in the following epigram : 
 
 Pox on I, quoth Time to Thomas Hearne, 
 Whatever I forget, you learn. 
 Line 20. At once the nurfe and parent of the foil.'] The ancients believed all' 
 that part of Egypt which is called Delta, to have been, originally, a bog ; and 
 that the foil was made (as it is now fertilized) by the inundations of the Nile. 
 
 Line 23. yl petrfi/ing blafl.'] See Blographia Britannica, under the article 
 J])igby, page 17x1. See alfo Shaw's Travels, laft edition, artic. Ras. Sem. 
 
 [Mr. Cambridge, by meansof Dr. Pocock, interrogated three African ambaf- 
 fadors, who all concurred in the firm belief of a petrified city.] JS. 
 1 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. 91 
 
 Big with this fcene, which all his foul poffefs'd, 
 Nine days Scriblerus trod the dreary wafte. 
 When Saturn thus : Behold, this hour demands 35 
 
 The long-ftor'd vengeance from my tardy hands. 
 How oft have Mars and Vulcan fwept away 
 The pride of nations in one wrathful day ? 
 Inferior pow'rs ! fliall I, their elder, bear 
 With this rebellious race a ling'ring war ? 40 
 
 Or, by one vig'rous and decifivc blow, 
 At once their triumphs and their hopes o'erthrow ? 
 
 Now, fixt in wrath, the founding vault he gains 
 Where ^olus his airy fway maintains. 
 
 When thus : Dread monarch of this drear abode, 45 
 
 Hear my requeft, affift a fuppliant god. 
 If, by my friendly aid, the mould'ring tow'r 
 Totters, at length, a vi6lim to thy pow'r : 
 If e'er my influence to thy force was join'd, 
 O ! calm the pangs of my long-fufF'ring mind. 50 
 
 Torn from my arms, a daring traitor bears 
 The labors of a thoufand anxious years. 
 Loaded with thefe, his facrilegious bands, 
 Prom eldeft Egypt, trace the Libyan fands. 
 Hafte, then, the friendl}' office to perform : 55 
 
 Call all thy winds, and fwell tli' impetuous llonn. 
 Roll the dry defart o'er yon impious hoft. 
 Till, with tlieir hopes, their memory be loft. 
 
 N 2 So 
 
99 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 So fpake the god. Th' aerial king comply'd, 
 And, with his fceptre, ftruck the mountain's fide. 60 
 
 Loud thunders the rent rock ; and from within, 
 Gut rufli, refiftlefs, with impetuous din, 
 The hoarfe rude winds ; and fweeping o'er the land* 
 In circHng eddies whirl th' uplifted fand. 
 The dufty clouds in Curling volumes rifcj 65 
 
 And the loofe mountain feems to threat the {kies. 
 Th' aftonifli'd band behold, with ghaftly fear. 
 Their fleeting grave fufpended in the air. 
 Thus they unmanl}', while the dauntlefs chief 
 Betray 'd no paffion but indignant grief; 70 
 
 Which thus broke forth : How blefs'd the man whofe name 
 From glorious death affiimes its brightefl fame. 
 O ! had kind fate ordain'd me to expire. 
 Like great Emeedocles in ^Etna's fire ! 
 
 Had' 
 
 Line 68. Their fleeting grave fufpended in the air.'] 
 
 -Pars plurima terra 
 
 Tollitur, £)- nunquam refoluto vertice pendct. Luc an. 1. o. 
 
 The whirling duft, like waves in eddies wrought, 
 
 Rifing aloft, to the mid-heav'n is caught; 
 
 There hangs a fulien cloud ; nor falls again ;. 
 
 Nor breaks like gentle vapours into rain, &c. Rowe. 
 
 Line 71. See the fpeeches. of Uiyffes and JEncas. Oddjff. 15. v. ^neid, B. i. 
 
 Line 74. .. Dens immortalis haberi 
 
 Ditm cupit Empedoclcs, ardent en, frigid us Mtnain ' 
 
 Jufiluit. HOEAGE. 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. 9S 
 
 Had I partook immortal Pliny's doom ; 7S 
 
 (Had fam'd Vesuvio's aflies been my tomb :) 
 
 Or fliar'd the fate of yon portentous town, 
 
 And flood, my own fad monument, a ftone ; 
 
 Wide o'er the world my fpreading fame had rungj 
 
 By ev'ry mufe in ev'ry region fung. BO 
 
 " * A lliameful fate now hides my haplefs head, 
 
 " Un-wept, un-noted, and for ever dead. 
 
 Yet — for I fcorn the bafe ignoble death. 
 
 Nor will I to vile dull refign my breath, 
 
 — Be fomething done, worthy each moment paft, 85 
 
 And O ! not unbecoming of the laft. 
 
 Let the brave phoenix my example be, 
 
 (That phoenix, now alas ! I ne'er mufl fee) 
 
 His pile magnific the great thought infpire. 
 
 And my choice treafures light the glorious pyre-. 90 
 
 Then will I rife amid the circling flame, 
 
 In death a rival to Calanus' fame. 
 
 No 
 
 Line 75. The death of Pliny, the natural hiftoiian, is finely defcribed by his 
 nephevVj Pliny the younger, in his epiftle to Tacitus. Jam navibus cinis incide- 
 rat, jam pumices 8; fracii igne lapidcs. Gubernatori ut retro Jiecieret, mo- 
 
 nenti fortes, inquit , fortuna juvat . Deindejfamma, Jlammarumque pranun- 
 
 cius, ordor fulphuris, alios in fugam vertunt, excitant illtim. Concidit 
 
 crajftore caligine fpiritu objlrucio. Lib. vi. Epift. iG. 
 
 * 
 
 Two lines from the fpcech of Ulyfles in Pope's. Odyffey, B. v. 1. 401. 
 
 Line 92. ^ rival to Calanus.'] Calanus, the Indian Philofopher, was fo much 
 beloved by Alexander, that he honoured his death with a funeral pomp, worthy 
 
 his 
 
   
 
 ^■x. 
 
54 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 No more fliall Greece or Rome their heroes boaft, 
 But all their pride in envy fliall be loft. 
 
 He faid. His friends in pyral order laid 95 
 
 Six ample coffins of the roj'al dead : 
 The tree which bears imperial Pharoah's name, 
 By age uninjur'd form'd their lafting frame. 
 On thefe, two mighty crocodiles were plac'd ; 
 O'er which an huge unmeafur'd fliin was caft : 1 00 
 
 This fpoil the hippopotamus beftow'd : 
 Scarce four ftout youths fupport the ponderous load. 
 On the broad fliin the fage with pious pains 
 Difpos'd the fix great monarchs dear remains ; 
 Sesostris, Pheron, and his virtuous dame, 105' 
 
 Cheops, Psammetichus, immortal name! 
 And Cleopatra's all-accomplifli'd frame. 
 This done, two camels from the troop he flays, 
 And the pil'd fat around the mummie lays. 
 
 Next 
 
 his own magnificence : he drew outhis army, and ordered perfumes to be thrown 
 on the pile, where Calanus placed himfelf richly cloathed, and did not ftir, nor 
 fliew any fign of pain, when the flames encompafled him. 
 
 Line 97. The tree which bears imperial Pharoah's name.'] This tree is by fome 
 called Pharoah's Fig, by others Sycamore, from cvKOi. The wood is fo remark- 
 ably durable, that many coffins, w^hich are undoubtedly upwards of 2000 years 
 old, are to be feen at this day without any fign of rottennefs. 
 
 Line 105. Pheron and his virtuous dameJi See Herodotus. 
 
 1 
 
j 
 
 BOOK THE FIRST. 95 
 
 Next, ravifli'd from the facred catacomb, 1 1 
 
 He draws the Ibis from his conic tomb. 
 
 Foflils he plac'd and gawdy fliells around ; 
 
 The fhield, his cradle once, the ftrutture crown'd. 
 
 High on the corners of the ample bafe 
 
 Egyptian fculpture claims an honour'd place. 115 
 
 Here bold Osiris' awful form ! appeal's : 
 
 Great Is is there the hallow'd fiftrum bears. 
 
 Harpocuates, theworfliip of the wife: 
 
 And proud Canopus, confcious of the prize. 
 
 The vanquilh'd rival of his pow'r defies. 120 
 
 The flru6ture now compleat, the anxious chief 
 
 Brings forth the dry Papyrus' facred leaf: 
 
 A figh from his unwilling bofom broke ; 
 
 Then thus, colledted in himfelf, he fpoke : 
 
 Line no. Next, ravijh'dfrom the facred catacomb^ 
 He draws the Wn&from his conic tomb.'\ 
 
 One of the catacombs was entirely fet apart for the fepulchre of the Ibis. They 
 were called the holy birds, and had in great veneration. Being fuppofed to de- 
 flroy tlie winged ferpents in their way to Egypt, (meeting them in the defart,) 
 which would otherwife have infefied the land. They were embalmed in eai-then 
 veiTels of a conic figure. 
 
 Line 113. The Shield, his Cradle. 1 See Mem.of ScriblernSi 
 
 Lineup, ^wrf proud Canopus confcious of the prize."] The woi-fliippers of 
 fire boafted that their god was able to deftroy the idols of all other nations. 
 A fubtle prieft obtained the prize for Canopus by this ftratagem. He filled his 
 divinity with water, and flopped with wax feveral fmall holes which he had 
 bored in him. The wax Ibon melted, and gave pafllige to the water, which 
 extinguiflied the flames. 
 
 llluftrious 
 
96 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Illuftrious fouls of Munsteb and of Greece ! i25 
 
 Tho' here at once my hopes and fufF'rings ceafe ; 
 Nor fliall I, hke my anceftors at home, 
 My country pohfli with the labour'd tome ; 
 Nor by my travel (as the Samtan fage 
 
 Enlighten'd Greece) inilru61; the prefent age; 130 
 
 Revive the long-loft arts of ancient war. 
 The deathful fcorpion, and the fcythe-girt car; 
 Or fliare, with Numa, civic fame, and found 
 Old Plato's patriot laws on modern ground : 
 Thefe deep-laid fchemes tho' Saturn's wrath o'erthrow, 13S 
 (His anger riling as my honours grow) 
 Virtue fliall yet her fure reward receive, 
 And one great deed my dying fame retrieve. 
 
 Tlien, thrice invoking each aufpicious name. 
 Thro' the light reed he fpreads the wafting flame ; 1 40 
 
 The melted gums, in fragant volumes rife. 
 And waft a various incenfe to the fkies ; 
 The un£tuous fewel feeds the greedy fire. 
 And one bright flame enwraps the blazing pyre. 
 Joy touch'd the vi6lor god's relenting mind, 145 
 
 Who thus addrefs'd the monarch of the wind ,: 
 To thee, indulgent deity, I owe 
 This full fubmiflion of the ftubborn foe. 
 
 liine 125. Ilhifirious fouls of Mxin&er and of Greece l] Scribkrus's father was 
 of Munfter. See Memoirs of Scriblerus^ the beginning. 
 
 See 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. ^7 
 
 See. what vaft tribute one important hour 
 
 Brings to my throne, and fubjeds to my pow'r. 150 
 
 Enough. This ample facrifice alone 
 
 The thefts and crimes of ages fliall atone. 
 
 Yet tho' I deign his abjed; life to fpare, 
 
 Think not the wretch my further grace lliall fliare. 
 
 Nor fliall his rebel foul, infulting, boaft 155 
 
 Succefsful toils where armies have been loft. — 
 
 O'er the proud town, his vain purfuit, fliall fall 
 
 Yon hov'ring mafs, and hide her long-fought wall ; 
 
 That no remembrance, but an empty name. 
 
 Be left to vindicate her doubtful fame. 160 
 
 He faid. Already the tumultuous band, * 
 With prompt obedience, hear their king's command. 
 Forbear the conflid;, and to Eurus yield 
 The long-contefted honors of tke field. 
 
 Sudden 
 
 Line 160. Her doubtful fame ^ Some critics have thought our author here 
 ufes the fame art for which Euftathius fo greatly commends Homer in his pro- 
 phecy of the PhsDacians ; where he fays, 
 
 '     • "' mound on mound, 
 * Shall hury thefe proud tow'rs beneath the ground. Odyss. 1. 8. 
 
 ' The poet, fays he, invents this fidlion, to prevent pofterity from fearching after 
 *, this Ifland of the Phteacians, and to preferve his ftory from dete<Stion of falfifi- 
 ' cation; after the fame manner as he introduces Neptune and the rivers of 
 ' Troy, bearing away the wall which the Greeks had raised as a fortification 
 * before the navy.' But our poet wanteth no fuch art, there being many at this 
 day ready to aflert the truth of the cataftrophe of that unfortunate city, which 
 Dr. Siiaw has in vain attempted to difcredit in the Appendix to his Travels. 
 
 o 
 
98 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Sudden the loaded atmofphere was clear d, 165 
 
 The glad horizon and bright day appear'd. 
 Freed from the horrors of impending fate. 
 Each raptur'd friend falutes his refcu'd mate : 
 But not fuch tranfports touch'd Scriblerus' brcaft, 
 His glorious purpofe all his foul poilefs'd. 170' 
 
 In vain to deprecate the rafli defign, 
 With tears his friends their fond entreaties join. 
 
 Alas ! he cries, what boots it now to live ? 
 Since I my perifli'd treafures rauft furvive. 
 Cut from my hopes, by this devouring fire, 1 75 
 
 While yet I may, O ! let me mount the pyre. 
 Again fliould wild tornados bring defpair. 
 When hov'ring death fl>all threaten from the air, 
 This pile confum'd, remains there ought to fave 
 My body from an ignominious, grave .'' 180 
 
 Let vulgar fouls for doubtful life contend ; 
 Be mine the boaft of an heroic end. 
 
 This MoMUS heard; and, from Olympus' height. 
 To diftant Libya wing'd his rapid flight. 
 Sudden he joins the rafli Scriblerus' fide, 185 
 
 While good Albert us' form the god belied. 
 
 Inftant, 
 
 Line iS6, While good Albertus'ybrwj the god belied.'] He was fon to Albertus 
 mentioned in the Memoirs, and confeqiiently firft coufin to Scriblerus ; fee the 
 character of tlie father: 'Albertus was a difcreet man, fober in his opinions, 
 ' dear of pedantry, and knowing enough both in books, and in the world, to 
 
 preferve 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. 99 
 
 Inftant, behold t tlie guardian pow'r commands 
 
 A fpark to iffue from the blazing brands ; 
 
 Which fell, dire6led, on the fage's head, 
 
 And fudden flames around his temples fpread. " 190 
 
 The fubtle god the detlin'd moment watch'd : 
 
 Swift from his head the hairy texture fnatch'd, 
 
 And, unperceiv'd, amidlt the croud's amaze, 
 
 A fearing rocket in the cawl conveys. 
 
 The latent fraud, portentous, cuts the air, 195 
 
 And bears, thro' diftant fliies, the blazing hair. 
 
 When thus the god, in lage Albertus' voice : 
 Behold this Avond'rous omen, and rejoice. 
 Lo ! gi-eat Scriblerus, what the fates unfold ; 
 At length convinc'd, thy rafli attempt with-hold. 200 
 
 The gods declare that thy illuftrious head 
 Such effluent glory fliall around thee fhed. 
 As, wide difpenfmg its eternal rays, 
 Shall fill th' enlighten'd nations with amaze. 
 
 Tlie 
 
 * preserve a clue regard for whatever was ufeful or excellent, whether ancient or 
 ' modern : if he had not always the authority, he had at leaft the art, lo divert 
 
 * Cornelius from many extravagancies.' Mem. Scrib. chap. vi. 
 
 Line 196. And bean, thro' difiant Jhies, the blazing hair.'] In the fame manner 
 Anchifes [iEn. B. ii.] is prevented from perifliingin the flames of Troy, by a nie- 
 teorous appearance which they obferve diredling its paflage towards Mount Ida. 
 
 Signantemque vias '■ 
 
 Their firil difcovery of this omen, is from the head of Afcanius. 
 
 Ecce levisfummo de vertice vifus Jiili 
 Fundere lumen apex. 
 
 O 2 
 
100 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The yielding chief obferves the heav'n-mark'd road, 205 
 Accepts the omen, and obeys the god. 
 
 Six anxious days they trace the dreary plains 
 "With fruitlels fearch; fo Saturn's Avrath ordains. 
 His murm'ring friends the fcant provifion mourn. 
 And urge th' vmwilling hero to return. 2 1 
 
 But Hern refentment fires his glowing breaft ; 
 While thus his wrath th' indignant fage exprefs'd. 
 
 O daftard flaves, from glory's field to fiy, 
 And bafely tremble ere the danger's nigh ! 
 Can you, full-feafted, mutter difcontent, 2 1 5 
 
 Ignobly faint ere half your llores are fpent ? 
 Return, unworthy of the gen'rous toil, 
 
 Back to the fluggifh borders of the Nile. 
 
 Faithful Albertus fhall alone partake 
 
 Thofe dear-bought honours which your fears forfake : 220 
 
 Cowards, refle6E on Cato's fteadier hoft, 
 
 Unmov'd and dauntlefs on this dreary coaft ; 
 
 Like them, in all our travel, have we found 
 
 Afps in the well, or ferpents in the ground !: 
 
 Have 
 
 Line 213. O daftard Jlaves,^cl\ In this fpeech the hero difcovers a mofl 
 amazing greatnefs of foul, joined with wonderful art. Cajfar, in a parallel 
 cafe, told his fearful foldiers, he would march accompanied only with his 
 tenth legion : and Alexander, with lefs art, though more ralhnefs, faid, he 
 would go alone. Solus ire perfeverabo, itt reduces domos. Ite, deferto rege, 
 ovantes. Ego hie a vobis defperata viSiorite, aut hone/la: morti, loc um inveniam, 
 Q.Curt. ix. 2. 
 
 Line 221. . . Cato'% fteadier hoft.] Lucan. 1. ix. 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. loi 
 
 Have we th' invading bafilifk to fear ? 225 
 
 Or winged poifons darting through the air ? 
 
 Yet not thefe perils fliook their firmer fouls ; 
 
 While your refolves a diftant fear controuls : 
 
 Dampt with the profped; of a future dearth, 
 
 Nor dare ye truft the all-fuftaining earth. 23© 
 
 Nigh to thefe plains, a nation feek their food. 
 High in the branches of the lofty wood ; 
 From the green boughs they crop the recent fprout. 
 And feed luxurious on the tender Ihoot. 
 
 Southward the hard Rhizophagi prepare, 235 
 
 With marfliy roots, their coarfe yet wholefome fare^ 
 From llimy Nile the rank unfav'ry reed, 
 A pounded mafs, in artlefs loaves they knead : 
 And in the fun-beams bake the bulbous bread. 
 
 The fierce Bifaltae milk the nurfmg mare, 2 
 
 Mix her rich blood, and fwill the lufcious fare : 
 
 Line 231. This nation, called the Ulophagi, is defcribed by Diodorus Siculus, 
 I. iii. c. 24. 
 
 Line 235. Diodorus Siculus, 1. iii. c. 23. 
 
 Line 240. Bifalta quo more folent acerque Gelonus 
 
 Cumfugit in Rhodopen, atque in deferta Getarum, 
 Et lac concretum cumfanguinepotat equino. 
 
 Virg. Georg. lib. iii. lin. 461. 
 
 • When for drink and food 
 
 They mix their cruddled milk with horfe's blood. Dkydbn. 
 
lOii THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 And the foul Cynocephalus fuftains, 
 
 AVith her drain'd udder, the Medimnian Avains. 
 
 Strange to relate ! near fam'd Hyda spes' flood, 
 For their fupport they rear the pois'nous brood ; 245 
 
 The viper, toad, and fcorpion, are their food. 
 
 Nay, ev'n in thefe uncultivated plains. 
 The fwarming locuft feeds the hungry fwains. 
 Far-length'ning fires extend along the coaft, 
 And intercept the clofe-embattled hoil. 250 
 
 Firm and compact, the troops in deep array, 
 Urg'd from behind, purfue their deathful way. 
 The fwains with fait their future feaft prepare, 
 And one boon hour fupplies the wailing year. 
 
 And doubt we now our journey to extend, 255 
 
 While yet our beafts beneath their burthens bend .'* 
 
 Whofe 
 
 Line 246. The prince of Cambay's daily food 
 Is afp^ and bafilifk, and toad ; 
 Which malces him have fo llrong a breath. 
 Each night he ftinks a queen to death. Hudibras. 
 
 Line 248. The fzv arming locuft.^ Diodoms relates many particulai-s of thefe 
 Acridophagi, l.iii.'c. 29. Dr. Shaw, fpeaking of thefe locuils in his Travels, 
 page 257, fays, * Thofe which I faw were much bigger than our grafshoppers. 
 ' It was furprizing to obferve, that no fooncr were any of them hatched, than 
 ' they collected themfelves into a body of about two hundred yards fquare ; 
 ' which marching forward, climbed over trees and houfes, and eat up every 
 
 * plant in their way. The inhabitants placing in a row great quantities of heath 
 
 * ftubble, &c. fet them on fire upon the approach of the locufts. But all this was 
 ' to no purpofe, for the fires were quickly put out by infinite fwarms fucceeding 
 
 * one another : whilft the front feemed regardlefs of danger, and tJie rear prefled 
 ' on fo clofe, that a reti'eat was impoffible.' 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. 103 
 
 Whofe flefli alone might all our wants fupply. 
 
 And give not only life, but luxury. 
 
 Faint with the diftant chafe, the Tartar drains 
 
 Reviving cordials from his courfer's veins ! 260 
 
 The hungry trav'ller in the dreary wafte 
 
 From the flain camel fliares a rich repafl : 
 
 While parch'd with thirft, he hails the plenteous well. 
 
 Found in the ftomach's deep capacious cell : 
 
 Ev'n their tough (kins an hard fupport might yield ; 265 
 
 And foldiers oft have eat the ftubborn iliield. 
 
 Thus far the fage. When viewing all around 
 Their wearied eyes in deep's foft fetters bound, 
 Stretch'd on the fand, he leaves the flumb'ring crew, 
 Himfelf indignant to his tent withdrew. 270 
 
 Rous'd with the dawn, the good Albertus bent 
 His careful footfteps to the fage's tent. 
 Eameft he feem'd, with meditated art. 
 Some deep important counfel to impart. 
 When thus : This night when fleep had clos'd mine eyes, 275 
 I faw a band of glorious forms arife : 
 The great Albertus, author of my line, 
 And all that boaft affinity to thine : 
 
 The 
 
 Line 266. ^nd foldiers oft have eat theJiuhhornJ)iield.'\ 
 
 Poftremo ad id ventum inopice ejl, ut hra detra6iafque fcutispelles, mandere cO' 
 narentur. Liv. lib. xxiii. 
 6 
 
104 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The princely Scaligers, illuftrious name ! 
 
 ScRiBONius, and profound Bombastus, came; 280 
 
 When thus thy fire : O ! foremoft to attend 
 
 The glorious labours of thy daring friend, 
 
 Be thine the taflc th' unwelcome news to bear : 
 
 Friendfliip can fmooth the front of rude defpair. 
 
 Yet ever mull my fon defpair to fee 285 
 
 Yon city, buried by the god's decree : 
 
 Mountains of fand her loftiell turrets hide. 
 
 And fwell the loaded plain on ev'ry fide ; 
 
 As vain thy fearch for HeRaclea's grave. 
 
 Or Sodom funk beneath th' Aspiialtic waVe. 290 
 
 He faid. I liften'd further yet to hear, 
 •When warlike founds alarni'd ipy ftartled ear. 
 
 I faw 
 
 Xine 279. The pr'mcdy ScaUgers.'] Julius Caefar Scallger was a moft famous 
 critic^ poet, phyfician, and philofopher, who was much admired in the fixteenth 
 century : he was born in Italy, brought up in Germany, and afterwards lived 
 in France till his death. He defcended from the princes De la Scala, who were 
 lords of Verona, and of divers other places in Italy. 
 
 Line 280. Scribonius.] Cornelius Scribonius, called alfo Grapheus, but his 
 name in the language of his country, was Schryver, was born at Aloft, in Flan- 
 ders, in 1482. He made an abridgment of the Hiftory of Olaus Magnus, of the 
 northern nations. He was remarkable for his knowledge in antiquities. 
 
 > Line 280. Paracelfus Bombaftus. 
 
 Line 289. Js vain thy fearch for Heraclea's grave.} The late difcovery of 
 Heraclea here laid down as impoflible, and the ineftimable treafures daily 
 brouo-ht from thence, muft doubtlefs animate the curious, and tea^h them this 
 ufeful and important leflbn : That nothing is to be defpaired of by a true 
 virtuofo. 
 
BOOK THE FIRST, 105 
 
 I faw impetuous Scaliger advance: 
 
 The reft around him form'd the Pyrrhic dance ; 
 
 They clafli their javeUns, ring their clanging fliields, 295 
 
 Till fleep un^yilling to the tumult yields. 
 
 Thus he, dilTembling. The fond chief replies, 
 
 (While filial raptures in his foul arife,) 
 
 Well may 'ft thou grieve the glorious vifion gone, 
 Tho' much, alas ! th' indulgent fliades have fliewn. 300 
 
 O let me ftill, on this revolving day, 
 A grateful tribute to their mem'ry pay : 
 And to the genius of the horny gate, 
 Whofe friendly pow'r reveals our certain fate. 
 
 Oft, by abftrufe myfterious types, are told 305 
 
 Tliofe fliadow'd truths inftrudlive dreams unfold. 
 
 When Media's fleeping monarch faw the maid 
 A wond'rous deluge o'er his empire fpread ; 
 
 How 
 
 Line 303. ^nd to the genius of the horny gate.'] ViRclib. vi. 
 
 Sunt geminee fomni porta : quarum altera fertur 
 Cornea : qua verisfacilis datur exitus umbris. 
 
 Two gates the filent houfe of fleep adorn : 
 
 Of polifh'd iv'ry this, that of tranfparent horn : 
 
 True vifions thro' tranfparent horn arife; 
 
 Thro' pohfh'd iv'ry pafs deluding lyes. Dryden. 
 
 Suetonius reprefents Auguftus as a great obferver both of his own and other 
 people's dreams ; and, that he moft frequently direded his a6lions purfuant to 
 their admonitions. That during the fpring, his dreams were fearful, extrava- 
 gant, and. vain ; the reft of the year, lefs frequent, but the vifions he then faw, 
 more to be depended on. Suet, in vit^ Augufti. 
 
 P 
 
106 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 How plain that emblem pointed him the place 
 
 From whence fliould iffue his fevere difgrace ! 310 
 
 Olympia's pregnant womb when Philip feal'd, 
 The myftic dream young Ammon's foul reveal'd. 
 Stamp'd on the wax the vid;or lion lliew'd 
 The Avarlike genius of the embryo god. 
 
 Thus has a figur'd omen, dark, and deep, 3 1 5 
 
 To me been painted by the pow'rs of fleep. 
 The fav'rite bird of Pallas I beheld 
 Search, with unwearied wing, the new-reap'd field : 
 Fatigued, at length, a lurking moufe he fpies, 
 And eager, to the long-fought quarry flies ; 320 
 
 Thither, by chance, the reaper bent his way. 
 And, with a wheat fheaf, whelm'd the trembling prey. 
 Th' Athenian bird his fruftrate labor mourn'd, 
 Flew from my fight, but foon again return'd, • 
 "When, wond'rous to relate, he thus began, 3£5 
 
 (An owl in figure, but in voice a man ;) 
 
 I come. 
 
 Line 311. Oli/mpia's pregnant womb when Philip feal'd.'] ' Philip of Ma- 
 ' cedoH;, fometime after he was married, dreamed thtat he fealed up his wife's 
 ' belly with a feal, whofe impreffion, as he fancied, was the figure of a lion. 
 ' Some interpreted this as a warning to Philip to look narrowly to his wife ; but 
 ' Ariftander of Telmeflus, confidering how unufual it was to feal up any thing 
 ' that was empty, affured him, that the queen was with child of a boy, who would 
 ' one day prove as flout and courageous as a hen.' Plutarch's Life of 
 Alexander. 
 
 Line 326. An owl injigure, but in voice a man.'] See Odyff. B. xix. 1. 641 . 
 In form an eagle, but in voice a man. 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. lor 
 
 I come, no vulgar vifion of the night. 
 The gods dire6l my emblematic flight, 
 In my fage form thy rev'rend felf appears : 
 Thy vain purfuit the vanifli'd moufe declares. 330 
 
 This faid, the feather'd omen feeks the fliies : 
 And, inftant, downy fleep forfook my eyes. 
 I deem'd the phantom by the * god defign'd, 
 To fliake the fleady purpofe of my mind. 
 Now have thy words my vain fufpicion eas'd, 335 
 
 Confirm'd my foul, and ev'ry doubt appeas'd. 
 But whither next the heav'n-taught courfe to fteer. 
 Nor omens point, nor friendly fliades declare. 
 And now, alas ! in thefe unhallow'd days. 
 No learned prieft the facrifice difplays : 340 
 
 Infped;s 
 
 * Saturn. 
 
 Line 337. But whither next, 8tc.] The German critics have totally mifunder- 
 ftood this paffage, in imagining that Scriblerus fliould be here at a lofs for a 
 fubje6l worthy his curiofity. It is his religion only that makes him thus doubt- 
 fulj being unwilling to engage in any frefli enterprize without fome fign from 
 heaven to approve, or oracle to direft the undertaking. This will be manifeft 
 on the perufal of the poem, whereby it will appear, that he has been already 
 given to expe6l an oracle in this very country. 
 
   I T o Egypt's facred coaft repair. 
 There fhall afurer oracle declare 
 Thy deftin'd courfe B. 4. 
 
 What elfe fliould prevent his profecuting the original intention of a voyage to 
 Jamaica to fee an earthquake. See the beginning of his Narration, B. ii. And 
 alfo Mem. of Scrib. 
 
 Line 339. And now, alas, inc. 1 Thus Lucan himfelf complains, lib. v. Pharfal. 
 
 P 2 Hon 
 
108 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Infpedls the victim with prophetic eyes, 
 
 Or reads the vagrant leflfons of the Ikies. 
 
 Nor facred oracles afford their aid ; 
 
 Dumb is the Pythian and CuMiEAisr maid. 
 
 O ! had we Uv'd in that aufpicious age, 345 
 
 When roam'd the Trojan chief and Grecian fage, 
 
 Some friendly Helen us we then had found, 
 
 Or Anius, fkiird each omen to expound. 
 
 Perhaps to hell's dark manfions we had gone. 
 
 And fam'd Tirelias had our fortunes fliown. 350 
 
 Now nought remains our dubious courfe to guide. 
 
 Since the Virgilian lots in vain were try'd. 
 
 Then 
 
 'Non ullofacula dorto 
 
 Nojira carent majore de'dm quam Delphica fedcs 
 Quod filuit . 
 
 Of all the wants with which this age is curft. 
 
 The Delphic filence furely is the worft. Rowe's Lucan. 
 
 Line 352. Since the Virgilian lots in vain reere try' d.'] This is a fpecies of mo- 
 dern divination, performed by opening the works of Virgil, and remarking the 
 lines which fhall be covered with your thumb, the inftant the leaves are open'd ; 
 which, if they can be interpreted, in any refpedi to relate to you, are accounted 
 prophetic. King Charles the firft is faid to have tryed this method of learning 
 his fate, and to have found the oracle but too certain. We have fubjoined the 
 lines, (and the Englidi as it is printed in Dryden's Mifcellanies, Vol. 6,) notwith- 
 fianding, we do not give credit to the account, for that we believe if the Sortes 
 Virgihanaj would have given, to any one, a profpecl of their future fate, our hero, 
 Martinus Scriblerus, would not have had reafon to complain, as he doth, of 
 Tiaving confulted them in vain. 
 
 King CHARLES'S. 
 At bello audacis populi vexatus 8; armis 
 Finibui extorris, compkxu avulfus lilli, Auxiliam 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. 109 
 
 Then fay, my friend, what counfel canft thou find, 
 To fix the purpofe of my wav'ring mind ? 
 
 Albertus then: Alas! too jull thy grief ! 355 
 
 O might my heart fuggefl; the wiQi'd rehef ! 
 
 The fage Mahometans have ever paid 
 Diftinguifhed honours to tiie fool and mad : 
 And wifely they. For oft, when reafon wings 
 Her flight, fuperior to terreftrial things, 360 
 
 The thoughts beyond the fl;arry manfions rove, 
 Bleft with the converfe of the gods above ; 
 
 And 
 
 Auxilium implortt, videatque indigna fuorum 
 Funera; nec,cumfefub leges pads iriiqute 
 -Tradiderit, regno aut optata lucefruatur; 
 Sed cadat ante diem ; mediuque inhumatus arena. 
 
 ViRG.lib. 4. 1.615. 
 
 But vex'd with rebels^ and a ftubborn race, 
 His country banifh'd, and his fons' embrace. 
 Some foreign prince for fruitieis fuccours try, 
 An-d fee his friends inglorioufly die. 
 Nor, when he fliall to faithlefs terms fubmit. 
 His throne enjoy, nor comfortable hght; 
 But, immature, a flianieful death receive. 
 And on the ground th' unbury'd body leave. 
 
 Line 357. * The Mahometans have a certain veneration for fools and mad 
 ' people, as thinking them actuated by a divine fpirit, and look on them as a fort 
 ' of faints. They call them here (fpeaking of Cairo) Sheiks. Some of thefe go 
 
 * about tlicir cities entirely naked ; and in Cairo they have a large mofque, with 
 
 * buildings adjoining, and great revenues to maintain fuch perfons.' Defcription 
 of the Eaji. Vol. i. p. 193. 
 
 Line 362. Blejl with the converfe of the gods above.'\ 
 
   Fruiturque dcorun 
 
 Colloquio   VlKG. 
 
no THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 And thence to mortals' lefs exalted fenfe, 
 Inftruttive truths, oracular, difpenfe. 
 
 At Cairo fojourns a phrenetic fage, 365 
 
 Infpir'd vdth all this theomantic rage. 
 I mark'd where'er the Morofoph aj)pear'd, 
 (By crowds furrounded, and by all rever'd,) 
 How young and old, virgins and matrons kifs'd 
 The footfteps of the bleft gymnofophift. 370 
 
 The eager bride touch'd each propitious part 
 That beft prolific virtue might impart. 
 
 Whilft 
 
 Line 363. And thence to mortals, &c.] Furor ijie quern divinum vocatis, ut 
 qua fapiens non videat, ea videat infanus, ^ is qui humanos fenfus amiferit, divinos 
 a[)ecutusfit. Cidero de Divinatione, lib.ii. c. 34. 
 
 Line 367. Morofoph^ This word, fo admirably exprefliye of that fpecies of 
 wifdom defcribed in the foregoing lines, was coined by Rabelais. See his Works, 
 book iii, chap. 46. 
 
 Line 370. The bleft gymnofophijl .] The gymnofophifts were Indian philofo- 
 phers, who went naked ; from whence their name. 
 
 Line 371. The eager bride."] According to Thevenot, the touch of thefe fan- 
 tos was fovereign in cafe of barrennefs in women. But we have chofen to tran- 
 fcribe the account from the Defcriptiou of the Eajl. " I faw in Rofetto two of 
 " thofe naked faints, who are commonly' natural fools, and are had in great vene- 
 " ration in Egypt : one was a lufty, elderly man ; the other a youth about eigh- 
 " teen years old. As the latter went along the ftreet, I obferved the people kiffcd 
 " his hand. I was alfo told, that on Fridays, when the women go to the burial- 
 " places, they frequently fit at the entrance of them ; and that they not only klfs 
 " their hands, but fliew them the fame refped that was paid to a certain heathen 
 " idol, and feem toexpeift the fapie kind of advantage from it. I myfelf faw one 
 " of thefe faints fitting at a mofque door in the high road, without the gates of 
 " Cairo, with a woman on each fide of him, at the fame time the caravan was 
 " going to Mecca, and a multitude of people pafling by, who are fo accuftomed 
 " to fuch fightSj that they took no notice of it." Vol. i. page 14. 
 
BOOK THE FIRST. in 
 
 Whilft on the facred raptures of his tongue 
 
 The Hft'ning'multitudes, aftonifti'd, hung. 
 
 Then hafte we back to Cairo, I advife, 375 
 
 And let the fool give counfel to the wife. 
 
 An hope-born fmile the Chief's afTent exprefs'd, 
 And drove defpair, fad inmate, from his breaft. 
 
 Fir d with the wifli'd return, the wearied band 
 With fhouts of joy receive the glad command : 380 
 
 Already flighting the diininifti'd toil 
 Of fcorching Sirius, and the faithlefs foil. 
 
 THE END OF THE FIRST BOOK. 
 
THE 
 
 SCEIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK II. 
 
 Q 
 
ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Second Book leads the imagiaation, at once, from the barren defert to the 
 moft fruitful fpot in the world, the ancient Arsinoe, now Faiume. Here 
 ScRiBLERUS meets a company of Pilgrims, formerly his father's friends, who 
 defire him to relate his whole adventm'es to them. He begins his Narration. 
 Gives an account of his waiting three years in vain at Naples to fee the 
 Eruption of Vesuvius. Purpofes going to Jamaica in hopes of feeing an 
 Earthquake. Sails with his friends, is driven by contrary winds below the 
 Cape of Good Hope. Arrives at a moft delightful country; which is 
 defcribed : but fuddenly flies from it, moved by a fatal mifinterpretation of 
 an Oracle. Scriblerus, continuing his Narration, defcribes a wonderful 
 coaft, the furprifing appearance of which firikes a damp on his companions. 
 Deidemon and Thaumastes are chofen by lot to reconnoitre the 
 country. At their return, they give a very imperfe($l account of their ad- 
 ventures, being ftupified by exceflive fear. Scriblekus fets out alone 
 on a farther Pifcovery. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK THE SECOND. 
 
 AN D now, ten days in tedious travel paft, 
 At length they quit th' inhofpitable wafte. 
 As Zembla's fons, benighted half the year, 
 Exult when firft the cheering rays appear, 
 From the deep gloom when long-loft fcenes arife, 5 
 
 And earth and gayer heav'n falute their eyes : 
 Such joys difFus'd Arsinoe's fertile plain, 
 Such rapture feiz'd the late deje6led train. 
 
 Erom the tall hills, with tranfport they command 
 The vaft extent of that wide-water'd land : 10 
 
 Where the fame courfe fev'n copious rivers take. 
 And, McERis, fill thy deep capacious lake. 
 
 They 
 
 Line 7. Such joys diffus'd Arfinoc's fertile plain.'] The country round the 
 ancient Arfinoe, (where now ftands Faiume,) is defcribed by Strabo to have been 
 the moll beautiful fpot in all Egypt. 
 
 as, 
 
116 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 They leave the fpacious lab'rinth's ruin'd flate, 
 And, cheerful, enter proud Faiume's gate : 
 When, \o ! to meet them came a folemn band, 15 
 
 The pilgrim's ftafF each bearing in his hand ; 
 Xlieir hats with fcallops grac'd ; the Flemish green. 
 In numerous croiTes, on their robes was feen. 
 
 Who thus: Hail, great Scriblerus, nor difdain 
 A friendly welcome to this reverend train. 20 
 
 By adverfe fates and ceafelefs tempefts toft 
 From fad Jud^a's defolated coaft, 
 To Alexandria's port our courfe we fteer'd. 
 And there the hallow'd footfteps we rever'd 
 Of princes, prelates, faints, and martyrs dead, 25 
 
 Who greatly triumph'd, or who bravely bled. 
 There firft with joy we heard thy fpreading fame ; 
 And thence to Avelcome thy return we came. 
 But, generous fage, fmcere and free declare, 
 Are ypu, of manly growth, Scriblerus' heir .'' 30 
 
 For 
 
 Line 17. The pilgrims wore fcallops in their hats, and diftinguiflied their 
 feveral nations by the colours of the croffes which they wore on their habits. 
 
 Line 29. But, gen'mis youth, fincere and free declare, 
 Are you, of manly growth, his royal heir ? 
 Forfure Ulyffes in your look appears 
 
 To prove a genuine birth (the prince replies} 
 
 On female truth affcnting faith relies; 
 
 Thus manifejl of right, I build my claim, 
 
 Sure-founded on a fair maternal fame. Pope's Odyff. Book L 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 117 
 
 For fure his features in your look appear, 
 And in the fon the father we revere. 
 
 Oft have I heard from my chafte mother's tongue. 
 That from the great Cornelius' loins I fprung, 
 The fage replies : but O ! what mortal knows 35 
 
 Th' undoubted fire to whom his birth he owes ? 
 O ! might I now, tho' born of meaner race, 
 With him the mazy paths of wifdom trace. 
 With him unfold the metaphyfick ftore. 
 And fcience, thro' each dark recefs, explore — 40 
 
 But 
 
 Line 33 Sf infra.'] Tliis fpeech difcovers feveral admirable qualities in our 
 Hero. His fcrupulous regard for truth, in not pofitively affirming a thing for 
 certain, wherein there was a poffibility of liis being miilaken. His dutiful affec- 
 tion and filial piety in giving credit to his mother in an affair of which he could 
 not be fo well informed as from her own mouth. Laftly, his judgment in chufing 
 for an example the anfwer of the good Telemachus in the Odyff, B. 1. to the 
 fame queftion. 
 
 OiiK w'fj s yap •am ti{ tlv yovov ounoi ax'vfi/u. 
 
 The whole paffage is thus tranflated by Hobbes ; 
 
 Butfai/, are you indeed, that are fo grozcn, 
 
 His fon? your heads and eyes are like (I mark) 
 For we were well to one another known, 
 
 But 'twas before he did to Troy embark 
 With other princes of the Argive youth. 
 
 But never faw himfmce. That I'm his fon 
 (Said he) my mother fays. But who in truth 
 
 Knoweth who 'tzcas that got him 9 I think none. 
 
 It may not be alien to the office of a true critic to obferve, that when Arifto. 
 phanes was called upon to prove his right to the freedom of Athens, he quoted 
 tliefe lines : Mxrup /^icv te/ke pna-t, &c. His judges were pleafed with the applica- 
 tion^ and admitted him a citizen. 
 
118 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 But fate pronounc'd th' irrevocable doom, 
 
 And death has funk him in the filent tomb. 
 
 Behold me now, deferted and forlorn, 
 
 The fport of fortune and her abjedt fcorn: 
 
 Weary'd with woes, and old in travel grown, — 45 
 
 Still flatt'ring hope referv'd yon wond'rous toAvn — 
 
 Thither we journey'd ; but the gods ordain 
 
 Our fearch fuccefslefs and our labour vain. 
 
 Then they : With fympathetick grief we moan 
 Thy fatej alas ! fo fad, ib like our own. 59 
 
 Yet fay, Scriblerus, lince thy daring foul, 
 
 Superior ftill to fortune's vain controul. 
 
 Has many a glorious enterprize atchiev'd. 
 
 New arts invented and loft arts retriev'd ; 
 
 Say, fliall thy friends thy various labours hear, 5 5 
 
 And thy fage conduct glad their longing ear .'* 
 Scriblerus then : Ah ! feek not now to know 
 
 A feries of unutterable woe. 
 
 For, lo ! to Thetis' bed the god of day. 
 
 Thro' weftern Ikies, pi-ecipitates his way. 60 
 
 -<jrive we to feaft and lleep the peaceful night — 
 
 To diftant Cairo, with the morning light, 
 
 Our courfe we fpeed : but if fo great defue 
 
 To hear our fates your friendly breafts infpire, 
 
 As on the peaceful bofom of the Nile, 65 
 
 We fail, the tedious paffage to beguile, 
 
 * Y'our 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 119 
 
 Your fond requeft, tho' hard, fliall be obey'd. 
 And every debt to facred friendfliip paidi 
 
 Soon as the fun th' enlightened vault afcends, 
 Th' impatient chief embarks his ready friends. 70 
 
 Now all in filence eyed the godlike man. 
 Who thus with tears th' eventful tale began. 
 
 From native Albion, a feleded band, 
 We fpread the fail and reach th' Ausonian ftrand : 
 The facred flame which Pliny's breaft infpir'd, 75 
 
 Urg'd our refolves, and every bofom fir d : 
 But our dull ftars th' expected boon delay, 
 And three flow years fteal unimprov'd away. 
 Tho' heaving fire Vesuvio's womb diftends, 
 No burfl;ing deluge o'er the plain defcends. 80 
 
 — O ! curfl; impatience ! O ! fevere difgrace ! 
 Scarce had we left, unwilling left, the place, 
 When forth the flames, with wild explofion, broke. 
 The lab'ring mountain to its bafis fliook : 
 A molten deluge cover'd all the ground, , 85 
 
 And aflies fill'd the hemifphere aroimd, 
 
 Unmov'd, tho' baffled, we renew our toil. 
 And feek, Jamaica, thy unfl;able foil. 
 
 Where 
 
 Line 88. And feek, Jamaica!] " It has been my good fortune to have feen 
 " all the grand phenomena of nature^ except an earthquake, which I waited for 
 " in Naples three j'ears in vain ; and now I impatiently expe<5t a paflage to 
 " Jamaica for that benefit." Memoirs of Scriblerus, 
 
120 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Where mountains rock, where yawning caverns roar. 
 
 And bellowing gulphs fulphureous torrents pour; 90 
 
 Majeftic fcene ! whole aweful glories fire 
 
 Our drooping fouls, and kindle new defire. 
 
 With profp'rous gales, we reach Madeira's height, 
 
 And load delicious wines, a welcome freight. 
 
 Thence, o'er the bofom of the boundlefs fea, 95 
 
 Twice ten days bleft purfue th' unruffled way ; 
 
 JXVhen lo ! deep clouds, with fable horrors rife. 
 
 And, low'ring, menace from the weftern fkies ; 
 
 Impetuous winds old ocean's face deform, 
 
 The veffel drives. before the.fwelling ftorm; lOO 
 
 Six long tempeftuous weeks,"by'*Coiius toft, 
 
 And borne far diftant from the wifli'd-for coaft. 
 
 Now as beneath the fultry line we run. 
 
 We bear unfliaded the meridian fun. , 
 
 Now far bej^ond the tropick as we ftray, 103 
 
 Mourn the weak influence of th' obliquer ray. 
 
 tEwice had the changeful moon full orb'd her light 
 
 Difplay'd; twice yielded to tlie fliades of night; 
 
 ' . When 
 
 * Thel^.W. Wind. 
 
 "Line 90. jind bellowing gulphs.'] In Don Antonio Ulloa's account of a 
 
 voyage lately made by fome Spaniards who went to meafuie a degree of the 
 
 .earth (in which is a very curious defcription of earthquakes) we are told, that for 
 
 Ibme days before syiy great eruption, noifes are heard refeoibling the lowing of 
 
 xattl^, and the difchai-ge. of ailillery. 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 121 
 
 When lo ! at once the boift'rous winds fubfide, 
 
 At once abates the reftlefs roUing tide. lid 
 
 Soft Zephyr rifing o'er the wat'iy plain, 
 
 Fans with his gentle wing the level main ; 
 
 When now Aurora, "with aufpicious light, 
 
 Reveals a beauteous harbour to the fight. 
 
 Bewitching fcenes encompafs us around, 1 1 5 
 
 And the whole region feems enchanted ground. 
 Gold buds and branches on the radiant trees, 
 And melting mufick floats on ev'ry breeze. 
 From flowers, unfading thro' the varied year, 
 Incenfe and ambergris perfume the air ; 120 
 
 Eternal verdure clothes the cloud-topt hills, 
 In tuneful meafure fall the tinkling rills ; 
 Rubies and em'ralds load the teeming groves, 
 Where vocal phoenixes record their loves. 
 The boars their fides in cryftal fountains lave, 12s 
 
 The painted panther fwims the briny wave. 
 
 In 
 
 Line 115. Bewitching fcenes.^ See Spe6lator, No. 63 ; and alfo 58, 59, 60, 
 in which papers acrofticks, anagrams, hpogrammatifts, &c. 8cc. are defcribed 
 and treated of at large by Mr. Addiibn. 
 
 Line 123. Rubies and em'ralds.'] The defcriplicm of this country bears fonear 
 a refemblance to that given by Socrates in the Phoedo of Plato, that we doubt 
 not but the learned reader will find a great pleafure in the comparifon : sv ieraulit 
 itrt] ToiSuJIri aviftoyov Tot (pvof/ivx ^ut^ai, Ssvi^a re, )iat avSu Koi Tsf HofTrxi. «« av ra of»i aa-ailtii 
 Kcu T8J Ai9ii{ sxtiv ava tov aulov hoyov t>iv rz'Xuolnia km tw Jla^aveiai', x«i to, xf^M^oi KoMdcii. a^ 
 xj Tos ivBads XjSiSmx Jiiai ravia ra ayayrufA.Evct, /wo^ia, cr«p5iii t£ >^ !dawiS'»{) Koii ir|M«fay3«f, km 
 vavlixT» Toiavloi, Phaed. ^ 59. 
 
 R 
 
122 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 In myrtle groves the wanton dolphins play ; 
 
 While fea-calves o'er th' enamelled meadows llray. 
 
 Around our Ihips the warbling mermaids glide, 
 
 And with their mufick footh the fwelling tide. 130 
 
 Th* enchanting fcene my ravilh'd crew pdffeft. 
 And calentures had feiz'd on ev'iy breaft ; 
 This I perceiv'd, and fudden gave command 
 To drive the veffel on the oozy ftrand. 
 
 Ere yet they touch'd the fliore, th' impatient crew 135 
 
 O'er the high decks with heedlefs rapture flew. 
 And wand'ring onward, with amazement, found 
 A well-fpread table on the verdant ground. 
 On beds of fragrant rofes we recline. 
 
 And quaff full bowls of unexhaufted wine. 1 40 
 
 Indulge with various meats unfated tafte, 
 And, thoughtlefs, revel in the rich repaft. 
 When iflliing from the woods on either hand, 
 In martial guife advanc'd a num'rous band. 
 
 la 
 
 Line 144. In martial guife advanc'd a num'rous band.} We learn from the 
 author's delcription of thefe iflanders, that they were very fond of pageantry 
 and (hew. They entirely addi6led themfeives to the ftudy and profeffion of 
 poetry in all its branches. Though we may obfervethat every individual ranged 
 himfelf in his particular clafs, and never adled out of his own fphere. That on. 
 "all fdletnn occafions the feveral orders diftinguiflied themfeives by their habits^ 
 and the fymbols which they bore : and their difpofition and attitudes in the pro- 
 ceffion cmbleinalicaily reprefented that fpecies of poetry which they particularly 
 profefltjd, and from which they derived their name. An, a writer of acrofticks- 
 was called an Acroftiek, of anagrams an Anagram, and the like. Somewhat in 
 this manner were all the ancient poets reprefented for the entertainment of Leo 
 the tenth, as we find them, dcfcribed by Strada in his Prolufions.. 
 
300K THE SECOND. 123, 
 
 In martial guife they march'd : ill-judging fear 145 
 
 Mifdecm'd the pomp inhofpitable war, 
 
 Unmindful of Ascanius' harmlefs train, 
 
 And bloodlefs battles on Sicilia's plain. 
 
 Hence my ralh hand, by fat9,l fury led, 
 
 Drew ftiow'rs of woes on each devoted head. 1 50 
 
 Firm and compact in three fan* columns wove, 
 O'er the fmooth plain, the bold Acrofticks move ; 
 High o'er the reft tlie tow'ring leaders rife 
 With limbs gigantick and fupcrior fize. 
 
 They lead the van, unmov'd in the career, 155 
 
 And Bout-rimefes bring up the lagging rear. 
 
 Not thus the loofer Chronograms prepare, 
 Carelefs their troops, undifciplin'd to war ; 
 
 With 
 
 Line 147. Scriblerus here taxes himfelf with his heedlefsnefs in not recol- 
 lecting tliat famous description of Afcanius's mock army in the 5th B. of Virgil. 
 This forgetfulnefs is the more furprifing, becaufe he could not but know how 
 fond all nations have been of this kind of pageantry, by which fome at this 
 day reprefent their manufadures, and others even the myfteries of their 
 religion. 
 
 Hunc morem ciirfus, atq; hecc cert amina primus 
 
 jifcanius, longam niuris cum cingeret Albam, 
 
 Rethdit, ^' prifcos docuit cehbrare Latinos : 
 
 Alhani docucri ftios, turn maxima porro 
 
 Accepit Roma ^a. 5. 
 
 Line 152. The bold Acrofticks.'] 
 
 '   chufefor thy command 
 
 Some peaceful province iri Acroflick land ; 
 There thou mayjl wings difplai/, and altars raife. 
 
 Pry den's Mac IlecnQ. 
 
 R 2 
 
124 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 With ranks irregular^ confus'd, they ftand, 
 
 The chieftains minghng with the vulgar band. 160^ 
 
 But with ftill more diforder'd march, advance 
 (Nor march it feem'd, but wild fantaftick dance) 
 The uncouth Anagrams, diftorted train, 
 Shifting, in double mazes, o'er the plain. 
 
 From different nations next the Centos crowd ; l65 . 
 
 With borrowed, patcht, and motley enfigns proud. 
 Not for the fame of warlike deeds they toil. 
 But their fole end the plunder and the fpoil. 
 
 Next; 
 
 Line 165. From different mations.'] A cento primarily fignifies a cloak made.- 
 o£ patches. In poetry it denotes a work wholly compofed of verfes, or paffages ; 
 promifcuoufly taken from other authors : (only difpofed in a new form or order) , 
 fo as to compofe a new work and a new meaning. Aufonius has laid down the 
 rules to be obferved in compofing centos. The pieces, he fays, may be taken 
 either from the fame poet, or from feveral ; and the verfes may be either taken 
 entire, or divided in two; one half to be connedled with another half taken 
 elfewhere : but two verfes are never to be taken together. Agreeable to thefe 
 rules, he has made a pleafant nuptial cento from Virgil. Opufculum (fays he) ' 
 de inconnexis unum de alieno nojlrum. 
 
 The emprefs Eudoxia wrote the Life of Jefus Chrifl, in centos, taken in this . 
 manner from Homer. Proba Falconia did the like from Virgil. The fame did ; 
 Alex. Rofs and Stephen de Pleurre, from whom we cite the following adoration i 
 of the ma";i.. 
 
 "'O 
 
 Turn regesif 
 
 7 iE. 98 Externi veniunt xqua cuiq; ejl copia lati 5 iE. lOO. 
 11 St. 333 iVfu?«erajt7or?«H<« X molksfua turafabtci. 1 G. 57. 
 3 iE. 464 Dona dehinc auro gravia X mi/rrhaque madeiiies, 12 lEn loo.-t 
 9 iE. 659 Agnovere deum regem X regumque parentem 6 JE. 548. 
 1 G. 4i§ Mutavere vias X perfe&is .ordi/ie votis 10 iE, 548, 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 125 
 
 Next, an uncertain and ambiguous train 
 Now forward march, then countermarch again. 170 
 
 The van now firft in order, duly leads, 
 And now the rear the changeful fquadron heads. 
 Thus onward, AMPHiSBiENA fprings to meet 
 Her foe ; nor turns her in the quick retreat. 
 
 To join thefe fquadrons, o'er the champaign came 1 7y- 
 
 A num'rous race of no ignoble name ; 
 The mighty Crambo leads th' intrepid van: 
 The reft a forwai-d loud induftrious clan. 
 Riddle, and Rebus, Riddle's deareft fon ;. 
 And falfe Conundrum, and infidious Pun;. ISCX 
 
 EusTiAN, who fcarcely deigns to tread the ground j 
 And Rondeau, wheeling in repeated round. . 
 Here the Rhopalics in a wedge are drawn,; 
 There the proud Macaronians fcourthe lawn-. 
 
 Here 
 
 Line 169. Ificxt, an uncertain.'] Reciprocal verfes (called alfo retrogade and 
 recurrents) give the fame words whether read backwards or forwards. 
 Signa tejigna temere me tangis et angis. 
 The amphilbaena is a ferpent faid to have two headstone at each end, and to 
 go indifferently with either end foremoll. 
 
 The atnphijbana double arm'd appears; 
 
 At either end a threat'ning headjhe rears. Row's Lucan, B. 9. 
 Line 183. Rhopalic. verfes begin with a monofyllable, and continue in words, 
 growing gradually longer to the laft, which muft be the longeft of all. 
 Item regem regimen regionem religionem. 
 They had their name from ^ma>,ov, a club, which like them begins with a   
 flender tip, and grows bigger and bigger to the head. Hence our author draws 
 them up with great propriety, in the military form of a wedge. 
 
 Line 184. The macarouian is. a kind of burlefque poetry, confifiing of a 
 
 jumble 
 
i£6 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Here fugitive and vagrant o'er the green, 185 
 
 The wanton Lipogrammatist is feen. 
 There Quibble and Antithesis appear. 
 With DoGGREL-RHYMEs and Eciios in the rear. 
 
 On their fair ftaiidards, by the wind difplay'd. 
 Eggs, altars, wings, pipes, axes were pourtray'd. 190 
 
 Alarm'd and all-fufpended with the fight, 
 Nor yet determin'd to retire or fight, 
 A wond'rous omen from direding fate, 
 Fix'd our refolves, and urg'd our quick retreat. 
 
 As on the ground, reclin'd, Thaumastes lay, 195 
 
 Fill'd with the feafting of the genial day ; 
 (Uncertain if fome godhead fway'd his mind, 
 Or mov'd by chance) he broke the walnut's rind : 
 Fear and amazement feiz'd his flmddering foul, 
 When for the nut, he found a fcribbled fcroU. 200 
 
 He 
 
 jumble of words of different languages, with words of the vulgar tongue latinized, 
 and latin words modernized. This verfe has employed the pens of many French 
 and Italian writers. We have feen three or four long poems of tliis kind by out 
 own countrymen. 
 
 Et dabo fee (tntpl^, fi monjlras love's pretty dimple^ 
 
 Gownos,ftlkcotos, kirtellos, Sf peticotos, 
 
 Bttjkos &i foccos, flomachcros, cambrka fmockos. Ignoramus. 
 
 With thefe we may venture to rank fome late pubiiflied lines written by the 
 ingenious Dr. Swift to a fchoolmafler of his acquaintance. 
 
 Die heris agro at an da quarto finale. 
 
 Piita ringat ure nos an da Jiringat tire tale. 
 
 Line 190. Eggs, altars, wings, pipes, axes.'] The foregoing comments have 
 fo crowded the notes, that we fhall refer the reader to the Spectator, No. 58, 
 where he will find this hne very fully explained by Mr. Addifon. 
 
1 
 
 BOOK THE SECOND. 127 
 
 He trac'd the characters with fecret dread ; 
 Then thus aloud the myftick verfes read. 
 
 In love the victors from the vanquished fly, 
 They fly that woustd, and they pursue that die. 
 
 Silent a while and thoughtful we remain, 205 
 
 At length the verfe unanimous explain ; 
 That where no triumphs on the conqueft wait, 
 Ev'n virtue's felf and honour bids retreat, 
 So Jove declares, fo wills eternal fate. 
 With eager zeal, we hoift the fpreading fails, 210 
 
 And, from the deck, invoke the tardy gales. 
 When now the fliore the fancy'd armies reach. 
 And form their mimidk legions on the beach. 
 Infulting 111 outs the deafen'd fenfe invade, 
 Sarcafms and fcoffing taunts our fears upbraid. 215 
 
 I catch my bow, (the fame which Aster bore 
 'Gainft the rafli monarch on Thessalia's lliore,) 
 The firing with meditated vengeance drew. 
 And pierced a leader of th' acroftick crew. 
 
 The 
 
 Line 203. In love the vigors.'] Two lines from Waller. 
 
 Line 216. I catch my Lnw, the fame which After bore 
 
 'Gainft the rufh monarch on Theft'alia'sjhore.'] 
 During the fiege of Mcth.me, Philip of Macedon loll his right eye by an arroW' 
 After of Amphipolis havii g offered his fervice as an extraordinary markfman, 
 who could take a bird down Hying, Well, faid Philip, when I wage war with 
 ftarlings I will employ you. The man was fo nettled with this anfwer, that he 
 threw himfelf into the town, and lliot an arrow at him, with this infcription on 
 it, ' At Philp's right eye'. No wonder fo great a curiofity as the bow of fuck 
 an excellent archer fliould be prefcrved ia the Scriblerian family. 
 
\U8 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The giant fcofFer falls confign'd to death, -SS'O 
 
 And thus, prophetic, fung his parting breath : 
 
 C oward and flave, ne'er f halt thou reap the fruit 
 
 O f thy long labours and fevere purfuit. 
 
 W ith forrow flialt thou leave thy fuff 'ring cre^v, 
 
 A venging juftice fhall their Heps purfue, 225 
 
 ■R ude draughts of iron fliall they drink at need, 
 
 D rink, and deplore thy rafh inhuman deed. 
 
 Thefe threats denouncing, in the duft he rolls : 
 Cold thrilling fear invades our troubled fouls. 
 Proftrate, we fupplicate all-ruling Jove, S30 
 
 Th' impending jcurfe, relenting, to remove. 
 With fad reluctance leave th' enchanting plain ; 
 And anxious plough the hoarfe-refounding main. 
 
 Nine tedious days a doubtful courfe we fleer-; 
 The tenth, bold rocks and tow'ring cliffs appear. 235 
 
 The leafl, as Atlas tall, o'erlook'd the flrand : 
 Nor fliapelefs they, but fhap'd by nature's hand. 
 
 Some 
 
 Line 220. The giant fcoffer falh."] The death and prophecy of the Acroftick 
 bear a wonderful refemblauce to ^neas's encounter with the harpies, and curfe 
 of Celaenoj in the 3d Book of Virgil : 
 
 II JVow ante datam cingetis mxnibus urhetn, 
 Quam vos dira fames nq/iraque iryuria cadis 
 Amhefas J'uhigat malis abfumere metifas. 
 
 ■——Know that ere the promis'd walls you build, 
 . Ml/ curj'es Jhall fevereltf be fulfilled. 
 Fierce famine is your lot for this mifdeed, 
 Reduc'd to grind the plates on which you feed. JDryd. 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 129 
 
 Some like fmooth cones afpiring to the Ikies, 
 
 Others aloft in fpiral volumes rife. 
 
 Thefe feem vaft cannon planted on the fliore, 240 
 
 Well-tum'd and hollow'd with cylindrick bore. 
 
 Here columns or tall obelifks appear; 
 
 There a vaft globe or polifli'd hemifphere. 
 
 Tow'ring on high proud battlements are feen : 
 
 And faliant baftions bear a warlike mien. 245 
 
 What breaft, unmov'd, the dreadful fight could bear? 
 What eye behold it unappall'd with fear ! 
 I ftrove their drooping courage to awake, 
 And thus, with animating accents, fpake : 
 
 See, dear companions, what the gods have giv'n, 250 
 
 And praife th' indulgence of propitious heav'n. 
 How great the fcene, where'er we turn our eyes ! 
 The profped:s various all, yet all furprize. 
 Ply well your oars to gain th' aufpicious land ; 
 And raife a grateful altar on the ftrand. £55 
 
 Then let fome chief, by lot decreed, explore 
 The latent glories of this wond'rous lliore. 
 
 Thus I, diflembling ; but pale fear pofleft 
 Each livid cheek, and chill'd each manly breaft. 
 Frefli in their mind th' Acrostick's threats they dread, 260 
 And curfe, denounc'd on their devoted head. 
 Still I perfift, and urge the hard command : 
 With flow reludlant fteps, they prefs the fand. 
 
 S In 
 
130 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 In equal parts I llrait divide the crew : 
 
 Then in the urn the lots infcrilVd I threw, 265 
 
 And fhook the hallow'd vafe, till chance decreed 
 
 The fage Deidemon for the hardy deed : 
 
 And join d the brave Thaumastes to his fide, 
 
 By focial love and like purfuits ally'd. 
 
 Sheath'd in bright arms, o'er the fufpedled plain,, 270 
 
 Penfive they march, and penfive we remain. 
 In vain th' enliv'ning banquet's charms we try,^ 
 In vain the mirth-infpiring goblet ply. 
 Dread and defpair each rifmg joy controul. 
 And horror, brooding o'er the fparkling bowl. 275 
 
 Nor lets in vain we feek the balm of fleep, 
 For ftill the wretched painful vigils keep. 
 Then firft, my friends, 1 own, this manly breaft 
 Damp wav'ring doubt, fear's harbinger, confeft. 
 When, all-propitious to my raptur'd eyes, 280 
 
 I faw Priapus' awful form arife ; 
 And thus the god : Difpel this caufelefs dread ; 
 For know, an hofpitable land ye tread.. 
 
 What 
 
 Line 281.] The Scribleri have always teftified the utmoft reverence for this 
 god, as appears from their having been induftrious to prelerve every line that has. 
 been written to his honour. They have made a confiderable colle<aion of 
 fmall poems, which they have named from their tutelary deity, and have 
 been no lefe aliiduous in exhibiting his ftatues and pidures. This naturally 
 accounts for the great zeal with which the god promifes his patronage to our 
 hero.. 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 
 
 131 
 
 What tho' the chiefs report a dreadful tale, 
 
 Fearlefs do thou the glorious tafk aflail. 
 
 Nor war, nor hoftile perils ihalt thou prove : 
 
 But the foft blandilhments of profFer'd love. 
 
 Myfelf the powerful paffion will impart 
 
 To the fond queen, and melt her yielding heart : 
 
 Thy manly limbs with heighten'd charms I'll grace, 
 
 And breathe refiftlefs beauties o'er thy face : 
 
 As artful fages give the modern ftone 
 
 Time's honour'd ftains, and glories not its own ; 
 
 The canker'd coin with verdegris incruft, > 
 
 Or grace the polifli'd bronze with reverend ruft. 
 
 With confidence proceed, my ready pow'r 
 
 Shall never fail thee in th' important hour. 
 
 He faid, and vanifli'd at th' approach of morn : 
 When, lo ! the chiefs with downcaft look return. 
 Aghaft, with fpeechlefs tongue and briftling hair, 
 Deidemon flood ; an emblem of defpair. 
 
 285 
 
 290 
 
 295 
 
 300 
 
 Scarce 
 
 Line 290. Thy mayily limbs reith heighten'd charms Fll grace 
 
 As artful fages give the modern ftone 
 
 Time's honour'd ftains, and glories not its own.'] 
 
 > L(Etos «cuhs afftarat honore 
 
 Quale maims addunt ebori deais, aut nbijlavo 
 Argentum, pariufve lapis circumdulur auro. Vine. L. 1. 
 
 And breath'd a youthful vigor on his face : 
 
 Like polifti'd iv'ry, beauteous to behold, 
 
 Or Parian marble, when enchas'd in gold. Dryden. 
 
 8 2 
 
132 THE SCRIBLERIAD-: 
 
 Scarce could Thaumastes o'er his fears prevail : 
 Who thus, at length, brought out the broken tale. 
 
 We went, Scriblerus — (fuch was thy command) 
 Thro' yon lone rocks to view this wond'rous land — 30>5 
 
 Long had we roam'd — fudden a noife we heard 
 Of mighty wings — and faw a monft'rous bird. 
 I grafp'd my jav'hn, ftartled at th' alarm,^ 
 But fage Deidemon ftopt my defp'rate arm. 
 Oh, well reftrain'd ! for, by its nearer flight, 310 
 
 An human face, confpicuous to the fight. 
 
 And 
 
 Line 304.J See the fpeech of Eurjlochus, and the folbwing adventures. 
 Odyff. B. 10. 
 
 Line 311. And faw a monji'rous bir d 
 An human face'.] < 
 
 Bifliop Wilkins was ftrongly bent on bringing the art of flying to perfedlion.. 
 He mentions it in moft of his works. After having enumerated the feveral 
 methods propofed, he fays, * 'Tis the more obvious and common opinion, that 
 ' this may be efFe<Sed by wings fattened immediately to the body, this coming 
 
 * neareft to the imitation of nature. 'Tis related of a certain Englifh monk, 
 
 * called Elmerus, about the Confeffor's time, that he did by fuch wings fly from 
 
 * a tower above a furlong ; and fo another from St. Mark's fteeple in Venice ;. 
 ' another at Norinberg ; and Bufljequius fpeaks of a Turk in Conftantinople, who 
 ' attempted fomething thi? way.' Daedalus, Ch. 7. 
 
 in another work (That the Moon may be a World) he reafons on the pro•^ 
 bability of reaching the moon by the help of this art. He computes it to be 180 
 days journey ; endeavours to folve the difficulties which may arife from want of 
 diet and lodging. See his arguments at large. Prop. 15. 
 
 ' The art of flying hath been in all ages attempted, particularly in the times 
 ' of Friar Bacon, who affirms it to, be poflible, and that he knew a perfoa 
 ' who had ac^lually tried it with good fuccefs. And even now there are 
 ' not wanting fome in England, who, by experiment, have proved themfelves 
 
 * able to do it. The Sieur Befnier, a fmith of Sable, hath invented an engine 
 ' for flying.' Philofoph. Tranfaift. Vol. I. page 499, 500, with a cut of tho- 
 «ngine, plat? 5. 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 1S3 
 
 And human limbs appear d. — With wild amaze, 
 
 Aftonifli'd at the dire portent, we gaze, 
 
 And meditate return — when, from the floods 
 
 (For near a fpacious river's bank we flood) 315 
 
 A bark emergent rofe; with oars well-tim'd, 
 
 Cut the fmooth wave, and o'er the furface fkim'd. 
 
 Then funk again, but ftill her courfe purfu'd. 
 
 Clear was the ftream, and all beneath we view'd. 
 
 Swift we retire, with oft-retorted eye, 320 
 
 Left magick charms o'ertake us as we fly. 
 Long unpurfued we run, at length retreat 
 Where an arch'd rock affords a welcome feat. 
 
 Chearful 
 
 Line 31 5. A bark emergent rofe!\ Cornel. Drebell made a veffel for James I. 
 to be rowed under water with twelve rowers : It was tried on the Thames. 
 Bifhop Wilkins, after folving all the difficulties that might be objected to this 
 fubmarine navigation, enumerates the advantages of it. 
 
 ' 1. 'Tis private; a man may go to any coaft in the world invifible, without 
 ' being difcovered or prevented in his journey. 
 
 ' 2. 'Tis fafe; from the uncertainty of tides, and the violence of tempefts, 
 ' which do never move the fea above five or fix paces deep ; from pirates and 
 
 * robbers, which do fo infeft other voyages ; from ice and great fiolls, which da 
 ' fo much endanger the paffages towards the poles. 
 
 ' 3. It may be of very great advantage againft a navy of enemies, wlio b}' this 
 
 * means may be undermined in the waters and blown up. 
 
 * 4. It may be of fpecial ufe for the relief of any place that is befieged by 
 *■ water, to convey unto it invifible fupplies ; and fo likewife for the furprizal of 
 ' of any place that is acceffible by water. 
 
 ' 5. It may be of unipeakable benefit for fubmarine experiments and dif- 
 ' coveries. Several colonies may thus inhabit, having their children bred up 
 
 * without the knowledge of land, who could not chufe but be amazed with ftrange 
 
 * conceit* upon the difcovery of this upper world.' Wilkins's Mathematical 
 Magick, Book II. Chap. 5. 
 
134 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Chearful we enter, but within behold 
 
 A ferpent fliape with many a jointed fold. 325 
 
 Each friendly pow'r invoking to my aid, 
 The fleeping form, intrepid, I invade. 
 Dire<5l my favilchion on the monfter's hide, 
 And in the midft his bloodlefs frame divide. 
 But foon, repentant, my ralh deed deplore, 330 
 
 For lo ! two foes vindictive on the floor ; 
 Both rear the horned head, and both affail 
 With the Iharp terrors of the pois'nous tail. 
 Again our trenchant blades aloft we heave, 
 Dauntlefs again the fever'd bodies cleave. 
 And triumph in the deed. Alas ! how blind, 335 
 
 How fond, how prone to err, the human mind ! 
 How vain our joy ! for, (fuch the will of fate) 
 Our conquefts ftill new enemies create. 
 Again th' unequal combat we renew, 
 
 Again, furpriz'd, encreafe the reptile crew. 340 
 
 And 
 
 Line 325. j4 ferpent Jhape with many a jointed fold^ The account of this mon- 
 fter bears a very near refemblance to the del'cription of the Hydra, which has fo' 
 much employed the pens of the ancients ; and alfo to the Polypus, fo celebrated 
 by the moderns. 
 
 Line 229. -^-^^——^ bloodlefs frame ^ It muft be acknowledged that upon 
 cutting, not the lead eftufion of blood or ichor can be perceived, even by the • 
 beft microfcope. Natural Ilijiorj/ of the Polj/pe, 
 
 6 
 
BOOK THE SECOND. 135 
 
 And now a numerous fry o'erfpread the ground, 
 By flaughter rais'd, and fertile from the wound. 
 
 O ! for that warning voice which Cadmus heard, 
 When from the glebe his growing foes appear d !. 
 Or the flrong charms of * Colchis' powerful maid, 345 
 
 In like diftrefs the valiant Jason's aid ! 
 
 A while retreating we maintain the fight, 
 Then quit th' enchanted cave with fudden flight : 
 And chear'd, th' aufpicious land-marks to review^ 
 Thro' the known path, our glad return purfue. 350 
 
 He 
 
 * Medea- 
 Line 342. Fertile from the wound.'] 
 
 Vulneribusfacundafuis. Ovid's Defc. of the Hydra.. 
 Hanc ego ramofam, natis e cade colubris, 
 Crefcentemque malo domui. 
 
 Art thou proportion' d to the hydra's length, 
 Who from his wounds, receiv'd augmented Jlrength ? 
 He railed an hundred hijjing heads in air, 
 When one I lopt, up fprung a deadly pair. 
 By his wounds fertile, ««</ zeithjlaughterjlrong. Gay. 
 
 — Hydraye^o corporefrmior 
 
 Vinci dolentem crevit in Herculem. Hor. 
 
 Line 343. O.'for that warning voice.] The poet in this and the three following 
 lines, alludes to. two paffages in Ovid's Met. In B. 3. Cadmus fovvs the dragon's 
 teeth, which immediately produce a crop of armed men, one of whom warns 
 Cadmus (who was preparing to attack them) to defift, and they fought it 
 out among themfelves till they deftroyed each other. Jafon's adventure in the 
 7th Book exa<Sly refembles this, excepting that the new-raised regiment was 
 determined to attack him, upon which he threw a ftone, enchanted by Medea, 
 among them, which created diffentions, produced a civil war, and delivered the 
 heio from his enemies. 
 
136 THE SCRIBLERIAB: 
 
 He ended, trembling : ftrait I grafp'd my fword, 
 And bade them follow. At the dreadful word. 
 Fear and confufion ev'ry breaft invade ; 
 All join the defp'rate purpofe to dilTuade ; 
 But chief Thaumastes. — Hence; ignoble flave, 355 
 
 Stern I reply, whofe fears infed; the brave, 
 You, heroes once, inglorious, here remain, 
 Aw'd by his words, a daft^rd, abje6t train. 
 Alone I triumph, if my arms fucceed, 
 
 Or perilh iingle in the hardy deed. ' 360 
 
 Indignant thus, confiding in the god. 
 O'er the drear plain, with haughty fteps 1 ftrode. 
 
 Line 351. to the end.] See the behaviour of Ulyffes. Odyff. B. 10. 
 
 THE END OF THE SECOND BOOK. 
 
TH E 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK III. 
 
ARGUMENT. 
 
 A Prieftefs of Rumour relates to Scriblerus the hiftory of the Queen of the 
 country. He is ftruck with the beauties of an elegant temple, which he 
 defcribes, as alfo the Queen's magnificent entry and her perfonal endowments. 
 He makes himfelf known io her. She profefles her regard for his family and 
 
 . for his own merits, to which (he is no ftranger : after which (he invites him to 
 a partnerfliip of her bed and throne. Scriblcrus confults with Albertus, and is 
 advifcd by him to accede to her propofal of marriage : Saturn endeavours to 
 deter him from it by fearful dreams and omens < notwitiifranding which the 
 marriage is celebrated, but the confummation prevented by the flight of two 
 owls, which, added to the foregoing portents, intimidate the hero to that 
 degree, that he refolves to fly from his beloved Queen. Her reproaches and 
 entreaties prevail on him to return, but not till her unhappy impatience has 
 impelled her to give herfelf a defperate wound, upon which Saturn cuts her 
 fatal hair and Ihe dies. 
 
THE ^ 
 
 S C R I B L E R I A D. 
 
 BOOK THE THIRD. 
 
 HAPLY I ftra3''d, where midll the cavern'd cells 
 Of vocal cliffs, fantaftic Echo dwells. 
 My way through ferpent windings I purfu'd, 
 Which deep within the hoUow'd rocks were hew'd. 
 
 • The' 
 
 Line 3. My xvay thro' ferpent windings."] This is an exa6l reprefentation of 
 the prefent flate of the Latomiae near Syracufe, the cave where Dyonyfius the 
 tyrant of Sicily is faid to have kept his ftate prifoners : which we have feen thus 
 defcribed. 
 
 * It is at this inftant, as entire as when it was fii-fl; made, and ftill retains that 
 ' furprifing power of reverberating founds. It is a large cavern cut horizontally 
 ' into a rock 72 feet high, 27 broad, and 219 in depth. The entrance is of the 
 ' fhape of an afe's ear, and the infide fomevvliat of the form of the letter S. On 
 ' the top of the cave there is a groove, which runsfrom one end to the other, and 
 ' h-as a communication with a fmall room at the top of the entrance, now inac- 
 ' ceilibie by reafon of the height and fleepnefs of the rock. This is imagined to 
 ' have been a guard-room where the tyrant ufed to place acentinel, who, by hear- 
 ' ing every the Jeaft whifperof the prifoners within, made his report accordingly to 
 < his mafters. We fired a piftol in it, which made a noife like thunder; when one 
 ' of us went to the end, and there fetched his breath, he was heard very difiindtly 
 ' by thofe without ; and when a letter was unfolded as gently as poffible, it feemed 
 ' as if fomebody had flapped a flieet of paper clofe to your ear.' 
 
 T 2 
 
140 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The walls, inclining Mith an inward flope, 5 
 
 End in a narrow groove and join at top. 
 
 From fide to fide reverberate, they bear 
 
 The quick vibrations of the trembling air ; 
 
 Hence weakeft founds the vaulted cavern fliake. 
 
 And whifpers deaf'ning on the fenfes break. 10 
 
 Tiie cave of Rumour. O'er a fpacious vent, 
 
 With head rcclin'd, her lift'uing Prieftefs bent. 
 
 (The Pythian thus imbib'd th' infpiring fteam ; 
 
 Thus gave Trophonius the prophetic dream.) 
 
 Swift from her feat, at my approach, fhe fprung, 15 
 
 And thus flie fpake with' more than mortal tongue. 
 
 Thrice welcome, wanderer, to this happy land, 
 The work and glory of its Sovereign's hand. 
 Our Queen, with kind compaffion, all receives, 
 But the fii-ft honours to the ftranger gives : 20 
 
 Herfelf a ftranger once, tho' here flie reigns : 
 A diftant exile from her native plains. 
 
 Northward 
 
 Line 1 1 . O'er a fpacious vetit.l It is evident from the teftimony of many ancient 
 authors, that at Delphi and all other oracles, divine infpiration was conveyed 
 through certain vents, over which the prophetefs leaned her head and fometimesfat. 
 Fontenelle has adopted the ftrange conceit of Van Dale, who fuppofes that the 
 perfons who went into Trophonius's cave were dofed with the fume and fmoke of 
 . certain drugs, which caufed extravagant dreams. But this idle imagination is 
 , wUely refuted by an anonymous author in his anfwer to Fontenelle's Hift. of 
 Oracles: who, whether we confider his learning or his faith, juftly deferves a 
 place in the Scriblerian archives. 
 
 Xiine 19. Et infra.'] Virg. iEn.B. 1; 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 141 
 
 Northward as far beyond the torrid zone, 
 
 Her hufband held an indifputed throne. 
 
 Till reftlefs fadion, big with niurd'rous (Irife, 25 
 
 Depriv'd th' unguarded monarch of his life. 
 
 Dread and defpair the drooping Queen aftVight : 
 
 Grief waftes the dajs and ghaflly dreams the night. 
 
 Before her eyes her hulband Hood confeft ; 
 
 Rear'd his pale face, and bar'd his bleeding breaft.- 30 
 
 At length advis'd her flight, but firft reveal'd 
 
 Where all his choicell treafures lay conceal'd. 
 
 A chofen band the facred ilores convey 
 
 O'er the rude waves ; a woman leads the way. 
 
 This ifle flie chofe, her growing empire's feat; 35 
 
 Here flie enjoys an undifturb'd retreat : 
 
 Here, where no pitchy keels pollute the fea, 
 
 Nor refllefs commerce ploughs the wat'ry way. 
 
 The Prieftefs thus my longing bofom fir'd — 
 
 I left the tale unfinifli'd and retir'd. 40 
 
 Soon I defcry'd where, near a cyprefs wood, 
 A dome, upheld by ftately columns. Hood : 
 
 Where 
 
 Line 25. Till reftlefs fadion.'] Moft critics are of opinion, that the following 
 lines allude to the fadlions of the Virtuofi which arofc in England when the 
 Newtonian philofophy, introducing a cautious diffidence, tamely circumfcribed 
 the enterprizing flights of genius, and abfolutely baniflxed the nobler inventions 
 of the preceding age. 
 
 Line 37. Here, where no pitchy heeh pollute the fea.'] Wemuft be fo ingenu- 
 ous as to confefs, that our author has borrowed this panegyric from a celebrated 
 Spanifli poet. 
 
142 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Where brafs and variegated marbles join 
 
 Their mingled beams to grace the fplendid llirine.- 
 
 Here glitt'rino; ores^ their native charms unfold ; 45 
 
 There yellow mundic fliines like burnifli'd gold. 
 
 Sulj)hurs and marcafites their beams difplay, 
 
 And lucid cryftals rival Titan's ray. 
 
 Rang'd as a cornice, various foflils ftand, 
 
 The mimic fport of nature's wanton hand. 50 
 
 Mitre and turban -forms the work adorn, 
 
 Triton's huge trump, and Amnion's boafted horn. 
 
 Here fibrous plants with many a branching vein, 
 
 And there the curious texture of the brain. 
 
 But how, O ! how iliall fancy's pow'r recall 55 
 
 The forms that breath'd along the pid;ur'd wall ! 
 
 Where 
 
 Line 43. Where brafs and variegated marbles join.'] This tafte has lately been 
 introduced in England. They ornament chimney-pieces, &,c. with many dif- 
 ferent forts of marble, and cover the joints with thin plates of polilhed 
 brafs. 
 
 Line 46. There yellow mundic.'] Mundic is a brown glittering fubflance, 
 found in great quantities in the tin-mines. ' • 
 
 Line 47.] Marcafite of copper is about the bignefs of an apple, brown without, 
 yellow and cryftalline within, brilliant and fbining. 
 
 Line 52.] A fliell called the Buccinum. The Cornu Ammonis, is a foffil 
 fliaped like a ram's horn. 
 
 Line 53.] A large fubmarine weed, whofe fibres referable a curious net- 
 work. 
 
 Line 54.] The brainftone, fo called, from the refemblance its furface bears to 
 the human Jjrain. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 143 
 
 Where in Mofaic wrought, the fliells ilirpafs 
 
 The pencil'd canvafs or the fculptur'd brafs. 
 
 Deareft to nature firll are feen a race 
 
 Who bear the marks of her pecuHar grace. 60 
 
 Here griffons, harpies, dragons mix in flight, 
 
 Here wild chimera rears her triple height. 
 
 In glowing colours mighty Geryox ftands, 
 
 And bold Briareus wields his hundred hands. 
 
 While thus my foul thefe empty fliades poireft, 65 
 
 What fudden pangs invade my heedlefs breaft ! 
 When, in blcft lliells of livelieft hue pourtray'd, 
 I faw fair Lindamira's form difjjlay'd : 
 I ftarted at the fight : adown my cheek 
 
 The fwelling tears, in rapid torrents break : 70 
 
 Then thus : What region in the world but knows 
 My haplefs paflion and illuflrious Avoes ? 
 Lo ! as in life, the dear fad objedl (lands. 
 And makes my fufF'rings known in dillant lands— 
 When fudden, ent'ring at the lofty gate, 75 
 
 The Queen herfelf approach'd in folemn ftate. 
 
 Her. 
 
 Line 68. I faw fair LinJamim.'] See Memoirs of Scriblerus. 
 Se qiioque principibus permixtum agnovit Achivis. 
 
 ViEG. B.I. 
 
 Line 74.] Qiue regio in terris nojlri non plena laboris? 
 
 ViRG.B. L 
 
144 THE SCRIBLERIAD 
 
 Her head th' inextricable Plica grac'd 
 
 Whofe folds defcending, veil'd her beauteous waift, 
 Then length'ning downwards, form'd a regal train, 
 And fwept, with awful majefty, the plain. 80 
 
 On her fair front a goodly horn Ihe bore : 
 But nor the crown or gay tiara wore. 
 Frequent and thick, o'er all her limbs were seen 
 Th' elongated papillas of the Ikin. 
 
 Graceful excrefcence of refplendent horn, 85 
 
 Like the fliagg'd velvet, or the new-reap'd com. 
 Never but once beheld I, till that hour. 
 Such finifli'd charms. I gaze and I adore. 
 She mounts the throne, and hearing ev'ry caufe. 
 Directs her judgment by great Nature's laws. 90 
 
 Where 
 
 - Line 77. Her head th' inextricable Plica grac'd-l A matting together of hair, 
 commonly called the Plica Polonica, becaufe it is epidelnical in Poland, and 
 rarely found elfewhere. The hair, fo platted together, grows to a furprifing 
 length, which is not to be prevented, by reafon that it is mortal to cut it, a great 
 effufion of blood always enfuing. See it defcribcd Pfiilofopk. TranfaSi. Vol. 6. 
 Part 3. Chap. 3. 
 
 Line 83. Frequent and thick.'] There was a very extraordinary perfon in 
 London, in the year 1743, who during his refidence there, was vifited by moft 
 of the nobility and gentry, virtuofi and philofophers of that metropolis. His 
 fkin (excepting only his face and the palms of his hands) was entirely grown 
 over with an horny excrefcence, called by the naturalids the elongation of the pa- 
 pillae. Each particular exCrefcetice was about thefize of aHmall barley ftraw; 
 they lay clofe together, and made an even furface, exactly like the furface of plufti 
 of velvet. They were of different lengths in different parts of his body. 
 Stroking your hand down his leg or arm, they rattled like the return of a hard 
 brufli, but louder, as they were of a itoVich harder confilleace than the ftiflfeft 
 hair. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD, i45 
 
 Where nice diftin6tion doubtful claims divides, 
 
 Duly flie weighs, impartial flie decides. 
 
 To her the vegetable kingdom owes 
 
 A fure protection from invading foes. 
 
 Who oft the fprouting coral ftrive to gain, 95 
 
 And earth-born mandrake, from its rightful reign. 
 
 Now folemn heralds led me to the throne, 
 And bade my nation and my name make known. 
 Thus, to the monarch, I my fpeech addreft : 
 O ! foremoft ftill to fuccour the diftrell, 100 
 
 From northern ifles, from a far diftant ftrand, 
 By adverfe winds, I tread this pleafing land. 
 Behold ScRiBLERUS, no ignoble name ; 
 (Earth founds my wifdom, and high heaven my fame.) 
 Now a fad fugitive, and tempell-toft, 105 
 
 Driv'n with confufion, from each neighbour coaft, 
 O ! grant the refuge of thy friendly fliores : 
 Supply with bounteous hand our wafted ftores : 
 
 Elfe 
 
 Line 91. et infra."] The principal contefts which have divided the virtuofi 
 of all ages, and which daily arife, are from the difficulty of deciding in what 
 clafs fubje<Ss of middle qualities fhail be ranged. Thus fome affirm a fpunge to 
 be an animal ; others a vegetable ; while others contend that it is inanimate. 
 
 Line 103. Behold Scribkrus.l So far is our hero from vainglory, which fome 
 critics have ignorantly accufed him of, that he is here fo humble he does not 
 even venture to fpeak his own words, but deUvers himfelf in thofe of his great 
 example, Ulyfles. Odyss. B. 9. 
 
 Behold Ulyfles, no ignoble name ; 
 
 Earth founds my wifdom, and high heav'n my fame. 
 
 U • 
 
146 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Elfe rafhly we attempt tli' unmeafur'd way, 
 
 And death awaits us on the barren fea. 110 
 
 Elate Avith pleafui-e, ftagger'd with furprize, 
 So wills the mindful god, the Queen replies. 
 Are you the great Scriblerus, dear to fame. 
 Who, from high Pliny trac'd* your lineage claim ? 
 The fame w^hom learned Bartuius' daughter bore 115 
 
 To fam'd Cornelius on the British lliore ? 
 I lov'd old Caspar; greatly lov'd thy fire : 
 Nor lefs thy virtues, courteous gueft, admire. 
 Accept that name ; and, if thou not difdain, 
 Friend to my foul and partner of my reign. 120 
 
 Then I. Ah ! ceafe, too gen'rous, to o'erpow r 
 Thine humbleft flave with all thy bounty's ftore* 
 Such godlike bleffings from fo fair a hand. 
 Eternal praife and gratitude demand. 
 
 While 
 
 Line ii2. The mindful god.] See Book 2. line 288. 
 
 Line 113.3 Tunc ilk Mneas quern Dardanio Anchifa 
 
 Alma Venus peperit Phri/gii Simoentis ad undas 9 
 
 Are you the great ^neas, known to fame. 
 Who from coeleftial feed your hneage claim i 
 The fame iEueas whom fair Venus bore 
 To fam'd Anchifes on th' laean Ihore f 
 
 Dryd. 
 
 For the genealogy of Scriblerus here mentioned, fee Memoirs of Scriblerus, 
 the beginning. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 147 
 
 While on earth's furface fruits and flowrets blow 125 
 
 And foffils vegetate in beds below, 
 
 In coral polypes haunt, in fnow the bear. 
 
 Whales fport in feas, and eels in vinegar. 
 
 While bright volcanos fpout eternal flame, 
 
 So long fliall laft the glories of thy name. 130 
 
 I faid, — the gracious monarch inflant fends 
 The wifli'd refection to my dubious friends : 
 But from their longing arms their chief detains. 
 And ftrives to bind with love's refiftlefs chains. 
 At her defire the feries I relate 135 
 
 Of my long wand'ring and difaft'rous fate. 
 Deep funk my fufF'rings in her yielding heart, 
 Tranfpierc'd with love's inevitable dart, 
 And fix'd as fome impal'd and helplefs fly, 
 Who bleeds a vid;im to the optician's eye, 140 
 
 Before 
 
 Line 125. Wlule, Sfc."] Infreta dumfluvii, SfC. 
 
 ViRG.B. 1. 
 
 While rolling rivers into feas fhall run. 
 And round tlie fpace of heav'n the radiant fun. 
 While trees the mountain tops with fliade fupply. 
 Your honour, name, and praife fliall never die. 
 
 Dryd. 
 
 Line 1 39. Andjix'd as fome impard and helplefs Jiy.l 
 
 Uritur infelix Dido totaque vagaiur 
 Urbefurens qualis conjeBa Cerva fagitta, S^c. 
 
 • -- -__._ fiaret lateri Icthalis arundo. 
 
 ViKG. Mn. L, 4. 
 
 » 2 So 
 
148 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Before his glafs fpins in repeated round, 
 And ftrives to flutter from the deadly wound : 
 Firm and unmov'd the fpeculative fage 
 Eyes the vain efforts of its infed; rage. 
 
 Soon as the morn difpens'd her earlieft ray, 145 
 
 Strait to the fliore I urg'd my fpeedy way. 
 DiiTolv'd in tears my anxious friends 1 found, 
 The untouch'd cates negleded on the ground. 
 As when fome afs (hir'd haply to repair 
 
 The riot-wafted rake or love-fick fair)- 15© 
 
 From her fond young, the tedious morning ftrays, 
 Driv'n thro' fome pop'lous city's erouded ways ; 
 Her abfence, pent in difmal cots, they mourn : 
 But wild with rapture, at her bleft return. 
 They leap, they bound, their braying fills the plain, 
 And the glad hills repeat the harmonious ftrain. 155 
 
 Sa 
 
 So when the watchfulfhepherd from the blind,. 
 Wounds with-a random Ihaft the carelefs liind ; 
 Diftraded with her pain flie flies tlie woods, 
 Bounds o'er the lawn and feeks the filent floods. 
 With iWiitlefs care; for fl;ill the fatal dart 
 Sticks- in her fide, and rankles in her heart. 
 
 Line 149. As when fome afs, iSfc] 
 
 As from frelh pafturcs and the dewy field 
 (When loaded cribs their evening bancjuet yield) 
 The lowing herds return; around them throng. 
 With leaps and bounds, their late imprifon'd young, 
 Rulli to their mothers with unruly joy, 
 . And echoing hills return the tender cry : 
 
 So round me prefs'd, exulting at my fight, &c. 
 
 Ulyffes's account of his return to his friends 
 from Circe's court. Odyss. B. 10. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 149 
 
 So round me preft, now refcued from defpair, 
 
 Th' exulting crew, my fortunes I declare.. 
 
 The welcome llores they to the bark convey : 
 
 Then chearful follow Avliere I lead the way. 160 
 
 Soon as we reach'd the dome, the Queen invites 
 To the fpread feaft and hofpitable rites. 
 Again flie afks to hear the moving tale,. 
 Again big tears her melting heart reveal. 
 
 Now all to reft retire : but fleep denies i^s 
 
 His balmy bleffings to my anxious eyes^ 
 Long ere the fun had left his eaftern goal^ 
 Thus to Alburtus I difclofemy foul. 
 
 Seeft thou, with eyes like mine, this matchlefs Queen, 
 Her rare endowments, her majeftic mein ? 1 70 
 
 With ev'ry virtue, ev'ry grace is join'd. 
 And as her form, prodigious is her mind. 
 "What genrous proffers has her bounty made, 
 Of half her throne and half her bhfsful bed ! 
 Yes, I confefs, fince Lindamira's love, 175- 
 
 No other charms, like thefe my breaft could move : 
 The fame their merits, my defire the fame : 
 I feel rekindling all my former flame-. 
 Were I not bound by ev'ry facred vow. 
 Never aoain at Hymen's fhrine to bow, 180 
 
 -O" 
 
 Perhaps 
 
 Line 169. et infra.'] See Dido's firft fpeecli, and her fifter's anfwer. Virg. 
 JEa. B. 4. 
 
150 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Perhaps her peerlefs beauties might controul 
 The weak refolves of uiy unftable foul. — 
 
 While my rack'd breaft t[)efe ftruggling tumults lliook, 
 Thus on my fpeech the kind Albert us broke; 
 Say, will you ftill a joy lefs wanderer rove, 185 
 
 And never tafte the foft delights of love ? 
 Nor in your offspring glad th' aflonifli'd earth, 
 The happy parent of a wond'rous birth ? 
 And fure, no lefs fliall grace your nuptial bed, 
 For can aught vulgar from the Queen proceed ? 190 
 
 Wifely, I grant, you fliunn'd the weak alarms 
 Of common beauty and quotidian charms ; 
 But O ! imprudent, Ihould you now difclaim 
 A pleafmg paffion and aufpicious flame. 
 With mutual warmth, her proffer'd love receive, 1 95 
 
 And tafte the joys her heavenly beauties give. 
 While thus his pleafmg counfel he addreft, 
 Alas ! too grateful to my love-fick breaft ! 
 Sudden aloud the good Albertus fi^ez'd : 
 I yield, and follow with the omen pleas'd. 200 
 
 The 
 
 Line 187. Nor in your offspring.'] 
 
 Nee dulcts nalos veneris neqne prtzmia noris ? 
 
 ViRG. B. 4. 
 
 Line 192. Quotidian charms.'] 
 
 Tadet quotidianarum harum formarum. Terenck Eunuch. 
 Line 199. Alhertus fnecz'd.] 
 
 She fpoke. Telemachus then fneez'd aloud ; 
 
 Conftrain'd his nollril echo'd thro' the crowd. 
 
 3 file 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 151 
 
 The monarch now her learned treafures fliows. 
 And pleas'd each myftic fcience to difclofe, 
 Ulultrates by what powers huge veffels ghde, 
 Conceal'd beneath the furface of the tide. 
 How, by her arts, her fubjed;s learn to rife 205 
 
 On filken wings, and cut the liquid Ikies. 
 Or, to the winds, in cars of lighteft cane. 
 Spread the broad fail, and fwiftly fkim the plain. 
 
 Much 
 
 The fmiling Queen the happy omen bleft : 
 So may ihefe impious fall, by fate oppreft. 
 
 Odyss.B. 17. 
 
 Xenophon having ended a fpeech to his foldiers with thefe words, viz. " We 
 have many reafons to hope for prefervation." They were fcarce uttered when a 
 certain foldier fneezed ; the whole army took the omen, and at once paid ado- 
 ration to the gods. Then Xenophon, refuining his difcourfe, proceeded, 
 " Since, my fellow foldiers, at the mention of our prefervation, Jupiter has fent 
 " this omen," 8cc. 
 
 Line 207. --in cars oflightejl cane. 
 
 Spread the broad fail, and fwiftly Jkim the plain."] 
 
 Sericana, when Chinefes drive 
 
 With fails and wind, their cany waggons light. 
 
 Milton, B. 3. 
 
 Bilhop Wilkins was much pleafed with the contrivance of a failing carriage 
 * What can be more delightful, fays he, or better hulbandry, than to make ufe of 
 the wind (which <;ofts nothing, and eats nothing) inftead of horfes ? That fuch 
 chariots are commonly ufed in the champaign plains of China, is frequently 
 affirmed by divers credible authors. Boterus mentions, that they have been tried 
 alfo in Spain, though with what fuccefs he doth not fpecify. But above all other 
 experiments to this purpofe, that failing chariot at Shevellingin Holland, is more 
 eminently remarkable ; it was made by the direclion of Stephinus, and is cele- 
 brated by many authors. Walchius affirms it to be of fo great a fwiftnefs for its 
 motion, and yet of fo great a capacity for its burden, that it did far exceed 
 
 the 
 
152 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Much I applaud, for much I all admhe. 
 
 Thus mutual pleafures fan our growing fire. 210 
 
 As when in vinegar, at diftance plac'd, 
 To join two felf-niov'd Aftroites hafte ; 
 Our heaving hearts, with fond impatience, move, 
 And pant for contact, with attractive love. 
 
 Nor can our eager paflion brook delay, 2 1 5 
 
 We, for our fpoufals, name th' enfuing day. 
 
 How Ihall my tongue the fad reverfe of fate. 
 And ten.*ors of the dreadful night relate ? 
 Oft rofe fair Lindamira's frowning fliade: 
 My purpofe oft with boding voice forbade. 220 
 
 So Julia menac'd round her Pompey's bed, 
 Ere CiESAR conquer'd, and Piiarsalia bled. 
 With her, my fwarthy rival blafts my fight, 
 And calls a blacker horror on the night. 
 Th' alTembled lawyers next (tremendous band) 225 
 
 Rofe to my view, and all my foul unman^d. 
 But chief, O J chief ! the Queen herfelf oppreft. 
 And, with dire om'nous adlion, chill'd my breaft. 
 
 Stem 
 
 the fpeed of any fliip, fbougli we (hould fuppofe it to be carried in the open fea 
 with never fo profperous a wind. That eminent ingufiitive man Peirefkius, liav- 
 ing travelled to Sheveliing for the fight and experience of this chariot, affirms 
 that it went 42 miles in two hours.' Math. Magic, B. 2. ch. 2. 
 
 Line 211. As token in vinegar.'] The fmall aftroites or ftar-ftones, when 
 immerfcd in vinegar, will move till they touch each other. 
 
 Line 223. -I — fwarthy rival.'] The black prince of Monomotapa. 
 
 Memoirs of Scriblerus. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 153 
 
 Stern flie approach'd, and, with contemptuous look, 
 
 The horn opprobrious from her forehead took 230 
 
 And fix'd on mine : when, fudden o'er my head, 
 
 Portentous growth ! luxuriant antlers fpread. 
 
 Wide and more wide the teeming brandies flioot. 
 
 And ceafelefs fuckers iflue from the root. 
 
 Such ghaftly vifions wafte the difmal night : 235 
 
 I rofe, dejedied, with the morning light. 
 
 The fun 1 fought : behind a murky cloud, 
 
 Shorn of his beams, he dimly froAvn'd in blood, 
 
 And now, already at my gate was feen 
 
 An early herald from th' imjjatient Queen. 240 
 
 Diffembling, I fupprefs the rifmg tear, 
 
 And ftrive th' unprofp'rous moments to defer. 
 
 In vain : already at the altar Hands 
 
 Th' officious prieft to join our haplefs hands. 
 
 Oh fad effects of too neglectful halte ! 2^45 
 
 No hymeneal rites our nuptials grac'd. 
 
 No 
 
 Line 246. No Ilt/meneal rites^ TIius Lucan, Book 1, reprefents Cato receiv- 
 ing Maicia without any marriage ceremonies. 
 
 - Fejla coronato non pendent limine ferta. L. 354, et infra. 
 
 No garlands gay the chearful portal crown'd. 
 Nor woolly fillets wove the polts aroimd ; 
 No genial bed with rich embroidery grac'd. 
 On iv'ry fteps in lofty ftate was plac'd ; 
 No hymeneal torch preceding fhone. 
 No matron put the tow'ry frontlet on. 
 Nor bade her feet the facred threlhold fliun. 
 
 • X ii» 
 
 } 
 
154 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 No hallow'd prieft the feftal vidim flew. 
 And the curs'd gall behind the altar threw. 
 Nor did the flaves the flaming torches bear. 
 Nor burn the axle of the bridal car ; 250 
 
 With flow'rs or woolly fillets deck the door, 
 Or figs, the type of future plenty, poui'j 
 Nor wild afparagus at once imply'd 
 The courtfliip and pofleflion of the bride ; 
 No fportive fongfters hail'd the genial time, 25& 
 
 Chaunting the fefcennine licentious rhime. 
 Nor did the bride the folemn barley bear. 
 Nor with the fpear divide her flowing hair. 
 Or yellow veil of myftic purport wear. 
 No matron's voice her eager fteps forbad 260 
 
 The facred threfliold of the porch to tread. 
 No decent zone fecur'd her loofer waift:, 
 But ev'ry rite was loft in fliamelefs hafte ! 
 Hymen his facred influence withdraws, 
 
 And fees, with anger, his negle6led laws. 265 
 
 Soon 
 
 No yellow veil was loofely thrown^ to hide 
 The rifing blulhes of" the trembling bride ; 
 No glitt'ring zone her flowing garments bound. 
 Nor fparkling gems her neck encompafs'd round; 
 No filken fcarf, nor decent winding lawn 
 Was o'er her naked arms and flioulders drawn ; 
 No fabine mirth provokes the bridegroom's ears. 
 Nor fprightly wit the glad affembly chears. 
 
 Howe's Lucan, B. 2. 1, 544. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 155 
 
 Soon as within the facred fane I came, 
 Sudden, extinguifh'd, funk the hallow'd flame. 
 Ghofts howling, fadden the long ifle's dark gloom, 
 And fweats of blood diftil from ev'ry tomb. 
 
 To wait a more propitious hour, I move ; 270 
 
 But ihe o'er-rules my fears with eager love. 
 Th' obedient priefts difpatch with trembling hafle, 
 Thence move, with pomp, to grace the nuptial feaft. 
 The bride, tranfported, fmiles with open foul, 
 Gay from the feaft, and wanton from the bowl ; 275 
 
 To her lov'd grot, with fond defire, invites, 
 There to confummate Hymen's blifsful rites. 
 
 Deep in the dark receffes of the wood 
 A cave obfcur'd with gloomy laurels ftood. 
 Ivy, within, the verdant roof o'erfpread 280 
 
 With pendant foliage, a luxuriant fliade ! 
 The min'd walls the monarch's hand adorns 
 With mould'ring ftones, rough mofs, and broken urns. 
 O'er thefe, with ftudied negligence, fhe fpreads 
 Strange roots, gay garlands, and fantaftic weeds. 285 
 
 Rough unhewn fteps lead to the dark retreat, 
 And a vaft mat prefents an ample feat. 
 
 This grot flie deftin'd for the nuptial night, 
 Sacred to love and confcious of delight. 
 Unftable ftate of wretched human kind ! 290 
 
 Faithlefs as feas, and fickle as the wind : 
 
 X 2 The 
 
156 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The gentleft blaft may nip our blooming joy : 
 
 The (lighteft wave our bafelefs bhfs deftroy. 
 
 Our fleeting pleafure no duration knows, 
 
 But ebbs, ere well we can perceive it flows. 295 
 
 Now, happiefl; pair, we reach th' aufpicious bow'r. 
 Big Avith the tranfports of the genial hour ; 
 AViien lo ! two owls, Avho, with the like defign, 
 Retir'd, in filence, to the fecret flu'ine ; 
 
 Rufli forth, with loud complainings, from the cave,, 30O 
 
 And, with fad fighs, their loves unfinifli'd leave. 
 Saturn, to thwart my rifmg joys intent^ 
 The boding augury, terrific, fent ; 
 He, with foul dreams, my trembling bofom chill'd 
 And all my foul with deadly horror fill'd. 305 
 
 Hence, at the lafl; portent, with wild affright, 
 From the fond Queen I wing my fpeedy flight. 
 And,, urg'd with fliame, not knowing how to bear 
 Her juft reproach for my diflioneft fear. 
 Strait to the ready crew I give the word, 310 
 
 And fummon. all with fwifteft fpeed on board. 
 
 Aurora now had left Tituonus' bed : 
 When to the fliore by fatal fury led,. 
 
 The 
 
 Line 301. hoves unfmifti'd.] 
 
 and there coufuminate their unfiniflj'd loves. 
 
 DliY den's Turtles, , 
 
 Line 3^2. Aurora now had left Tithonus' hed^ In the life of Virgil^ prefixed 
 (o Mr. Dryden's tranflation, we have the following remark : " We may obferve, 
 
 • "oa 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 157 
 
 The monarch haftes ; the parting bark flie view'd, 
 
 And thus, with fcofts, mj coAvard flight purfu'd. 315 
 
 Unmanly traitor, Avliom nor honor awes, 
 Nor facred gratitude's eternal laws ; 
 Vaunt not thyfelf from great Scriblerus fprung; 
 Thy coward foul belies thy boaftful tongue. 
 Thee not the learned Barthius' daughter bore, 320 
 
 Bred 'midft the rocks of Scotia's barren flrore. 
 The lifelefs offspring of her blafted trees. 
 Nurs'd, as brought forth, amidft thy kindred geefe. 
 
 Ah 
 
 * on this occafion, it is an art peculiar to Virgil, to intimate the event by 
 
 * fome preceding accident. He hardly ever defcribes the rifing of the fun, but 
 
 * with fome circumftance which fore-fignifies the fortune of the day. For 
 ' inftance, when ^neas leaves Africa and queen Dido^ he thus defcribes the 
 ' fatal morning : 
 
 ' Tithoni croccum, linqucns Aurora cubile^' 
 
 And for the remark we Hand indebted to the curious pencil of Pollio. 
 Line 316, et infra.~\ See Dido's fpeeches, Vieg. B. 4, 
 Line 321. Bred 'midft the rocks.'\ 
 
 Nee tibi diva parens- 
 
 < I Sed duris gemiit te cautibiis horrens, 
 
 CaucaJ'us Ilj/rcanaque admoruiit ubcra tigres. Virg. L. 4. 
 
 Line 322. The lifelefs offspring of her blajled trees, 
 
 Nurs'd^ as brought forth, amidjl thy kindred geefe."] 
 
 Thefe geefe are frequent in the weftern ifles of Scotland, and commonly known 
 by the name of Barnacles, which word our great philoloplier derives from 
 Beapn a child, and aac an oak, Saxon. The Ifegend of them informs us that they 
 grow out of rotten trees by the bill, as fruit by its ftalk. 
 
 As barnacles turn Solan geefe 
 
 In th' illands of the Orcadcs. IIudibras. \ 
 
158 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Ah whither do niy various paffions rove ? 
 
 Still muft I cenfure whom I ftill mull love ? 325 
 
 How could'ft thou, cruel, from thy confort run, 
 
 The facred rites of Hymen but begun ? 
 
 Scorn'd and negleded leave the nuptial bed. 
 
 And all the mighty debt of love unpaid ? 
 
 Oh ! had you but beftow'd one fond embrace, 330 
 
 Ere yet you fled from this once valued face ; 
 
 Perhaps I had not then defpair'd to fee 
 
 Some young Scriblerus, heav'nly fair, like thee. 
 
 If fate, reluctant to compleat my joy. 
 
 Denied the bleffmg of a fprightly boy, 335 
 
 Some embrio femblance of thy form divine. 
 
 At leaft had floated in the glalTy flirine. 
 
 Fond flatt'ring hope poffeflion had fupply'd. 
 
 Nor had you left me fo forlorn a bride. 
 
 Line 336. Some embrio femblance of thy form divine.'] 
 
 Saltum in qua mihi do te fufcepta fuiffet 
 Ante fugam foboks : fi quis mihi parvulus aula 
 Luderet JEneas, qui te tantum ore referral, 
 Non equidem omnino capta aut deferta viderer. 
 
 ViRG. L. 4. 
 
 Had you deferr'd, at leaft, your hafty flight. 
 And left behind feme pledge of our delight. 
 Some babe to blefs the mother's mournful fight ; 
 Some young ^neas to fupply your place. 
 Whole features might exprefs his father's face : 
 I fliould not then complain to live bereft 
 Of all my hufband, or be wholly left. 
 
 Dryd. 
 
 Fir'd 
 
 1 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. 159 
 
 Fir'd at that facred name, again conteft ' 340 
 
 The janing paflions in my bleeding breaft. 
 
 The friendlefs vagrant, not content to fave. 
 
 Rare arts I taught, and choiceft prefents gave ; 
 
 Not ev'n ourfelf with-held, but fondly led 
 
 The coward boafter to my bridal bed — 345 
 
 Now figns are feen — now Saturn omens fends — > 
 
 And vifions bode, and augury portends — 
 
 Such cares, forfooth, difturb the peaceful fowU 
 
 And to diftrefs poor lovers flies the owL 
 
 If 
 
 Line 346. Now figns are/een,— &c.] The breaks in this fpeech bear a near 
 refeniblance to the interrupted fenfe which is the ftriking merit of that admired 
 fpeech of Dido. 
 
 ■I Ejedum littore egenum 
 
 Except, et regni demens in parte locav i 
 Heufuriis imenfaferor nunc augur Apollo < » i 
 
 Nunc Lycia fortes nunc, &c. 
 
 V1RG.B.4. 
 
 Tis fiirprifing that Mr. Dryden fhould fo little feel the force of thefe breaks, 
 as to foift in a connedlive fentence, where Virgil has vifibly intended the tran- 
 fition fhould be nioft abrupt. 
 
 I rave, I rave, a god's command he pleads. 
 And makes heav'n acceflary to his deeds. 
 Now Lycian lots, and now, &c. 
 
 Line 348. Such cares forfooth, et infra, to the end of her fpeech.] Nothing 
 is more natural than for a perfon thoroughly exafperated to fly out 
 in fallies Of farcaftic wit. Of this kind is that celebrated fpeech of Dido. 
 
 Scilicet isfuperis labor ejl : ea cura quictos 
 So llicita t 
 
 Ifequere Italiam ventis,pete regna per undas, 
 Spero equidem mediis, 8cc. 
 
160 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 If ere futurity by figns was known, 350 
 
 To me feme omen had thy bafenefs fliown ; 
 Vi6tims had wanted ev'ry nobler part, 
 And, to denote thee truly, chief the heart. 
 
 Her rueful meanings my-compaffion move. 
 And to my breaft recall affrighted love. 355 
 
 I feel his di6tates o'er my fears prevail, 
 And call to change our courfe and fliift the fail. 
 But oh ! I fcarce had giv'n the tardy word, 
 Ere her rafli hand her bleeding bofom gor d. 
 Shock'd at the dreadful fight, ply ev'ry oar, 360 
 
 Eager, I cry, and inftant make the fliore — 
 Rous'd by my well-known voice, again revive 
 Her drooping fpirits, and Ihe ftrives to live. 
 When lo ! vindi($live Saturn reach'd the ftrand. 
 And feif d the Plica with relentlefs hand. 365 
 
 Then 
 
 Line 352. FiSims had wanted. 
 
 Cafar. What fay the augurs ? 
 
 MeJJenger. They would'not have you to flir forth to-day : 
 Plucking the entrails of an offering fortli. 
 They could not find a heart within the beaft. 
 
 Ctefar. The gods do this in (hanie of cowardice ; 
 Caefar fliould be a beaft without a heart. 
 If he fhould Itay at home tc-day for fear. 
 
 Julius Cjssab, A6i 2. 
 
BOOK THE THIRD. I6l 
 
 Then wav'd aloft his glitt'ring fey the in air, > 
 And cropt, for ever cropt, the fatal hair. 
 A deathful (lumber clos'd her beauteous eyes : 
 And her freed foul regain'd her native fkies. 
 
 Line 367.] See the death of Dido, Virg. B. 4. the end. 
 To cut the Plica Polonica is certain death. 
 
 THE END OF THE THIRD BOOK. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK IV. 
 
 Y 2 
 
ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Queen appearing to Sceiblerus, as he lies in a fvvoon, informs him that all 
 his misfortunes are owing to the murder of the Acroftick, for whofe death hie 
 muft make atonement, and celebrate games to his memory. The hero re- 
 turns to the violated ifland, and fubmiflively fues for peace. Then follow the 
 games. Scriblekus eftablifhes a lafting friendfliip with the iflanders, and re- 
 tires loaded with prefents. He purfues his courfe up the Red Sea, and travels 
 over the defart to Cairo. He briefly touches his journey from thence in queft 
 of the petrified city, and concludes with his afflidion for the lofs of his trea- 
 fures. The pilgrims condoling with him thereon, are interrupted by an omen 
 which they interpret in his favour; then praying for his fuccefs, and prefent- 
 ing him with the moft valuable of their treafures, they depart. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD, 
 
 BOOK THE FOURTH. 
 
 ly /FY fhudd'ring frame, unnerv'd with horror, funk 
 
 -*--*■ Extended on the deck ahfelefs trunk. 
 
 My foul uncumber'd with corporeal ties. 
 
 At large thro' fancy's boundldTs empire flies* 
 
 Full in my fight the Queen's lov'd form appears, 5 
 
 Awakes reflexion, and renews my tears. 
 
 But foon her voice my rifing griefs forbad, 
 
 And thus began the vifionary fliade. 
 
 I come not fondly to upbraid, but fllow 
 The fatal origin of all thy woe, 10 
 
 And to dired; its cure. From one rafti deed, 
 Th' Acrofiick's murder, ail thy woes proceed. 
 Then feek with fpeed the violated coaft ; 
 With facrifice appeafe his injur' d ghofl;. 
 
 Games and luftrations muft avert thy doom, 15 
 
 And rites exequial grace his honour'd tomb. 
 
 Yet, 
 
166 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Yet, ere from hence the parting fail you fpread. 
 Be one fad office to my mem'ry paid. 
 
 In yon lone grove's remoteft corner Hands 
 A ftrudure, rais'd by thefe ill fated hands. 20 
 
 Huge intermingling fibrous roots, difpos'd 
 With curious art, a pyramid composed. 
 Bones lin'd the walls, in ruftick order placed : 
 The gloomy roof the fmoak of tapers graced : 
 Skulls grinn'd around, and allies lay beneath : 25 
 
 The bow'r of contemplation and of death. 
 Here as I fat and moan'd my widow'd love 
 W^ith tears, my haplefs hands Afbeftus wove, 
 And form'd a fliroud. To this my corfe intruft, 
 And fave my allies from the vuigar dull ; so 
 
 While 
 
 Line 28. Afbeftus is a mineral fuftance of a whitifli filver colour, and a woolly 
 texture, confifting of fmalJ threads or longitudinal fibres, endued with the won- 
 derful property of refifting fire, and remaining unconfumed in the nioft intenfe 
 heat. The induftry of mankind has found a method of working this mineral, 
 and employing it in divers manufa(5kires, chiefly cloth and paper. 
 
 This kind of hnen cloth was highly efteemed by the ancients, and then better 
 known, and m'^re common than among us. 
 
 Pliny 1. 18. cap. i. fays, he hinifeif had feen napkins thereof, which being 
 taken foul from the table, after a feafl;, were thrown into the fire, and by that 
 means were better fcoured than if they had been washed in water : but its princi- 
 pal ufcj according to Pliny, was for tlie making of finouds for royal funerals, 
 to wrap up the corpfe, fo as the allies might be prcferved diftind from that of 
 the wood whereof the funeral pile was compofed : and the Princes of Tartary, 
 according to the accounts in the Philoibphical Tranfa6tions, ftill ufe it at this 
 day in burning their dead. 
 
 A handkerchief or pattern of this Unen was prefented to the Royal Society, 
 a foot long, and half a foot broad. This gave two proofs of its refifting fire; 
 though in both experiments it loft above three drams in its weight. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 167 
 
 "While quick-confuming flames at once devour 
 My poor remains, and death-devoted bower. 
 With marble then the pyramid replace ; 
 And let my bones inurn'd the fummit grace. 
 
 With fighs fhe ended. Thrice in vain I ftrove 35 
 
 To clafp the fleeting obje6l of my love. 
 She flies my grafp unfelt, as fliadows pafs,. 
 Or hands protruded from the concave glafs. 
 
 Obedient to the vifionary fair, 
 Her obfequies employ our pious care. 40 
 
 The pile confum'd, with marble we replace. 
 And with her bones inurn'd the fummit grace; 
 Then naked run, in frantick courfes, round 
 Th' anointed tomb with flow'rs and chaplets crown'd. 
 
 Such 
 
 Xine 35.] Ter conattis ibi colic dare brachia circum, 
 Ter frujira comprenfa manus ejfugit imago. 
 
 Par levibus vends valuer iqiujimillimajbmno. 
 
 ViRc. JEn. B. 1. 
 
 And thrice about her neck my arms 1 flung ; 
 And thrice deceiv'd on vain embraces hung; 
 Light as an empty dream at break of day. 
 Or as a blafl of wind, flie rufii'd away-, 
 
 Dryden, 
 
 Line 38. Or hands protruded from the concave glufr-l This phaenomenore 
 (which is the greateft of all deceptions in opticks) is well known to thofe wiio 
 have feen the concave mirror. If a man moves his hand towards the focus of 
 the glafs, the refleded image will appear to come out and touch it, and the fha- 
 dow of the fingers intermix and play with the real fingers. 
 
 Line 44. Th! anointed tomb.l^ ' Alexander when he vifited Troy, honoured 
 * the heroes who were buried there; efpeci ally Achilles, vvhofe tomb he anointed, 
 ' and, with his friends, as the ancient cnftom was, ran naked about his fepulclire, 
 "• and crowned it with garlands.' Plutarch's Life of Alex. 
 
168 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Such myftick rites to great Pelides' (liade, 45 
 
 On Xanthus' banks, ^mathia's hero paid. 
 
 With profp'rous winds we fail. The joyful crew 
 Tranfported hail the wilh'd-for fhores in view. 
 Strait we fele6t a venerable band ; 
 
 The peaceful olive waves in every hand. 50 
 
 Onward they march, and to the chiefs explain 
 Our deep contrition for th' Acroftick (lain : 
 And fue for peace. The bards accept our love 
 With mutual zeal, and to tiie temple move 
 To ratify their vows. An awful Ihrine ! 55 
 
 Sacred to Phoebus ; where at once combine 
 Whate'er of fplendor, beauty, grace, or art. 
 The moft exalted fancy can impart. 
 Nor yields this pile to that celeftial fane, 
 The work of Vulcan, in th' eetherial plain. 60 
 
 Within the dome, in lofty niches Hood 
 Six ftatues «arv'd of cedar's od'rous wood. 
 
 The 
 
 Line 56. Sacred to Fkdbus.li See Dunciad, 3. 4. Note on Phoebus. 
 
 'line 59. - that cdejiial fane. 
 
 The work of Vulcan, in th' eetherial plain.} 
 
 Defcrib'd by Ovid, B. 2. 
 
 Regiafolis erat fublimibus alta columnis 
 
 Clara micante auro,flammafque imitante pyropo, S^. 
 
 line 61.1 See the defcriplion of Latinus's palace and the fix ftatues. 
 
 •" ViRG.^n.B.7. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 169 
 
 The facred band great Triphiodorus leads ; 
 
 Pligh o'er the baffled alphabet he treads. 
 
 Next him th' intrepid Chcerilus appears ; 65 
 
 His boaftful hand the royal bounty bears. 
 
 Elate with ancient praife, old Bavius fits : 
 
 There Leontnus, firft of modern wits. 
 
 On the proud elephant, in triumph, thron'd, 
 
 QuERNo, with Rome's imperial laurel crown'd, 70 
 
 Shakes his anointed head, in adl to fpeak, 
 
 While tears of joy run trickling down his cheek. 
 
 The next, a lofty poetefs was feen ; 
 
 Beauteous her face, majeftic was her mien. 
 
 Severe 
 
 Line 63.] ' Triphiodorus the lipogramitiatift compofed an odyfley, or epic 
 
 ' poem, on the adventures of Ulyfl'es, confifting of 24 books, having entirely 
 
 * banifhed the letter A. from his firft book, which was called Alpha (as lucus a non 
 ' lucendo) becaufe there was not an Alpha in it. His fecond book was infcribed 
 ' Beta, for the fame reafon. In (hort, the poet excluded the whole twenty-four 
 
 * letters in their turns, and (hewed them one after another, that he could do his 
 ' bufinefs without them.' Spbctator, No. 59. 
 
 Line 65.] Gratus Alexandra Rcgi magna fuit ille 
 
 Charilus 
 
 Rettulil acceptos, regale numifma, Philippos. 
 
 Line 68.] There Leoninus.'] Author of the Leonine or rhyming verfe. 
 
 Trujicit. I, verbis virtutem illude fuperhis. Virg. lib. 9. 1. 634; 
 
 is a proof that Virgil admir'd this fort of verfe, notwithftanding the following 
 falfe aflertion of Mr. Dryden in the preface to his tranflation. 
 
 ' Virgil had them in fuch abhorrence, that he would rather make a falfe Sya- 
 
 * tax than fuch a verfe as this of Ovid.' 
 
 Vir precor uxari, f rater fuccurreforori. , 
 Line 70. Querno^ See the note on B. 2. line nth of the Dunciad. ' 
 
 z 
 
170 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Severe reward of pride ! that lovely form 75 
 
 No more thy tranfmigrated foul fliall Aviirm ; 
 Chang'd to a bird, for ever doom'd to fly 
 With party-colour'd plumes, a chatt 'ring pye. 
 
 Soon as I tread Ihe temple's facred floor, 
 The laurel fliakes, the hollow caverns roar : 80 
 
 Bedew'd with fweat, each awful image flood, 
 And big round drops fell from the hallow'd wood. 
 The vulgar tremble^ and would quit the fane. 
 But the fliill'd feer pronounc'd their terrors vain. 
 No threaten'd ills thefe boding figns portend : &5 
 
 The great Scriblerus comes your deareft friend. 
 A copious fubject for your labour'd fong. 
 To tire each hand, and weary ev'ry tongue : 
 Th' extenfn^e theme his glorious deeds afford, 
 Shall fweat fix well-breath'd poets to record. 90 
 
 He faid : and bade them ply the genial feafl:. 
 Thence, fated, all retire to needful reft. 
 
 Soon as Aurora's beams difperfe the gloom. 
 The pious croud fun'ound th' Acrostick's tomb : 
 
 With 
 
 Line 78. With parli/-coIour'd plumes, a chatt'ring pt/e.'] A line taken from. 
 Dryden's Virgil, B. 7. in the transformation of Pious. 
 
 Line 81. Bedem'd mth fweal.'] ' Among other prodigies that preceded the 
 ' march of Alexander's army towards Perfia, the image of Orpheus at Libethra, 
 
   made of Cyprefs wood, was feen to fweat in great abundance, to the difcou- 
 ' ragement of many ; but Ariftander told him, that far from prefaging any ill to. 
 ' him, it fignified he fliould perform things fo important and glorious, as fhould 
 
 * make the poets and mtificians of fatui-e ages labour and fweat to defcribe and 
 ' celebrate them.' Plutarch. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. I7i 
 
 With folemn pomp begin the rites divine, 95 
 
 Pouring the tepid milk and fparkhng wine, 
 
 And confecrated flour — when, round the grave, 
 
 Strange to relate, the ground was feen to heave. 
 
 A batten d mole arifes midft the heaps 
 
 Of crumbled earth, and to the viands creeps ; 1 00 
 
 Around he ftrays, the rich libation fips, 
 
 And taftes the facred flour with harmlefs lips. 
 
 Thus fed with holy food, the wondrous guefl; 
 
 Within the hollow tomb retires to reft. 
 
 Then I: Sufpe6l no more, thrice-honord train, 105 
 
 Our vows rejedled, or luftration vain. 
 See the familiar of th' indufl;rious dead, 
 Propitious omen, on our ofF'rings fed ! 
 Or fliall we deem him genius of the place, 
 By Phoebus fent our feftal pomp to grace ? 110 
 
 Yon floping hill's umbrageous fide commands 
 
 The fpacious ocean and the level fands : 
 
 The 
 
 . Line 99.] See Vikg. 1. 5. Where the ferpent comes from the tomb of Anchifes. 
 
 Line 103. Thus fed with holy food, the wond'rous gueji 
 Within the hollow tomb retires to reji."] 
 
 Two lines from Dryden's Virgil. 
 
 Line 109. Orfhall we deem him genius of the place?] 
 
 Incertus geniumne loci famulumne parentis 
 Effeputet? ViRG. B 5. 
 
 Scriblerus's conjedure will be found to be highly judicious, when we confider 
 that induilry is the charafteriftic of thefe iflanders in common with this animal. 
 This is allowed them by Mr. Pope in the following line : 
 PainSfJludj/, learning, are their jufi pretence. 
 
 z 2 
 
172 THE SCRIBLERIADi 
 
 The living marble there fliall yield a feat, 
 
 While folemn games the hallow'd rites compleat. 
 
 Thither the prizes bring ordain'd to grace 1 1 5 
 
 The rapid vidor in th' eerial race. 
 
 Before the reft an ox majeftic ftalks : 
 Six monftrous legs fupport him as he walks. 
 On his bold front he rolls three glaring eyes^ 
 And twice ten vulgar oxen was his price. 120 
 
 Deidemon next eondudled to the fliore 
 A female captive valued but at four. 
 To her, Machaon, all thy arts were known^ 
 To ftrain the bandage, or replace the bone. 
 
 My fwelling heart unable to reftrain, tSS 
 
 I rofe, and thus addreft the lift'ning train. 
 
 Behold 
 
 Line 114. Wltile fokmti games.'] See Iliad, B. 23. GdyiT. B. 8. ^n. B. 5, 
 Statius Thebaid, B. 6. 
 
 Line 1 20. ^nd twice ten vulgar oxen was his price.'] Though the image of an 
 ox was ilanipt on fome of the earlieft coins, it is the opinion of the moft ac- 
 curate critics, that, in Homer's time, or at leaft in the times he wrote of, the 
 courfe of exchange was carried on by real oxen, brafs, iron, or flaves ; but the 
 fpecific value of things denominated always by oxen; which being lefs variable 
 in worth than accidental lumps of unwrought metal, or flaves, which might differ- 
 in fex, age, or capacity, were fuppofed to keep the neareft to a ftandard. This, 
 opinion is confirmed by fome lines al the end of the 7th book of the Iliad. 
 
 Line i22. ji Female captive valued but at four.'] This line is taken from. 
 Pope's lUad, B. 23. 
 
 A maffy tripod for the viBor lies. 
 Of twice fix oxen its reputed price : 
 And next, the lofer's Jpirits to rejlore^ , 
 Ji female captive, valu'd but at four.. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 173 
 
 Behold yon matchlefs beaft ordain'd to grace. 
 The rapid vi6lor in th' aerial race- 
 None from ourfelf that prize fliould bear away ; 
 But not for triumph is this mournful day. 130 
 
 Far other thoughts my forrowing hours employ^ 
 And fad contrition holds the place of joy. 
 Let brillcer youths their a6tive nerves prepare, 
 Fit their light filkeu wings, and fkim the buxom air. 
 Mov'd by my words, two youths of equal fire 135 
 
 Spring from the croud, and to the prize afpire^ 
 The one aGcRMAN of diftinguifh'd famie : 
 His rival from proje^ing Britain came. 
 They fpread their wings, and with a rifing bound,. 
 Swift at the word together quit the ground. 140 
 
 The Briton's rapid flight outftrips the wind i 
 The lab'ring German urges clofe behind. 
 As fonie light bark, purfu'd by fliips of force,. 
 Stretches each fail to fwell her fwifter courfe, 
 The nimble Briton from his rival flies, 145 
 
 And foars on bolder pinions to the fliies.. 
 
 Xdne 1 27.] See the fpeech of JcMUes, Iliadi 23; 
 
 Behold the prizes, vahaat Greeks ! decreed 
 To the brave rulers of the racing fteed ; 
 Prizes which none befide our felf could gain,. 
 Should our immortal courfers take the plain; 
 But this no time our vigour to difplay. 
 Nor fuit with them the games of this fad day. 
 
 Sudden 
 
 Pope. 
 
174 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Sudden the firing, which bound his plumage, broke ; 
 
 His naked arms in yielding air he (hook : 
 
 His naked arms no more fupport his weight, 
 
 But fail him finking from his airy height. - 150 
 
 Yet as he falls, fo chance or fate decreed, 
 
 His rival near him urg'd his winged fpeed, 
 
 Not unobferv'd. (defpair fuggeils a thought) 
 
 Fall by the foot the heedlefs youth he caught, 
 
 And drew th' infulting vidtor to the ground : 155 
 
 While rocks and woods with loud applaufe refound. 
 
 Then I : Behold yon matchlefs youth compell'd 
 By fortune, not fuperior Ikill to yield 
 His jufter glories in the well-flown field. 
 But not unhonor'd fliall he halt away, 1 60 
 
 Or giftlefs mourn this unaufpicious day. 
 Yon damfel, for the prefent, fuits not ill : 
 For much, alas ! he Avants her ableft (kill ; 
 And to his tent, ere morning, fliall be brought, 
 A ftatue of refplendent metals wrought ; 1 65 
 
 Where Icarus his filver wings expands, 
 And boafts the labour of his father's hands. 
 
 Now 
 
 Line i66. Where.Icarus his filver wings expands, 
 
 And boajts the labour of Ms father's hands.'] 
 
 Some critics have affertedj that this ftatue could not be the work of Dtedalus ; 
 
 and for proof of their afl'ertion, bring tlie Hnes of Virgil, which we fliall I'ub- 
 
 join, though we think them of no weight againfl the known veracity of our Author. 
 
 6 Tu 
 
 ] 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 175 
 
 Now for thofe chiefs who cut their calmer way 
 
 Beneath the boill'rous furface of the fea, 
 
 From the tall bark the rich rewards are born : 1 70 
 
 And firft was feen great Ammon's twifted horn. 
 
 By nature's hand expreft in maffive ftone : 
 
 Twice fix ftout porters with the burthen groan. 
 
 Rich Surinam produc'd the fecond prize; 
 
 A toad prolific, of enormous fize. 1 75 
 
 High on her pregnant back her young are born, 
 
 (Her pregnant back with frequent labour torn) 
 
 Thro' her burfl; fliin they force their painful way. 
 
 And iffue a portentous birth, to-day. 
 
 To 
 
 Tu quoq ; tnagnam 
 
 • ^ Partem opere in tanto ; Jineret dolor, Icare, haberes. 
 Bis conatus erat cafus effingere in auro ; 
 Bispatria cecidere manus. ViRG. Lib. 6. 1. 30. 
 
 Here haplefs Icarus had found his part; 
 
 Had not the fatiier's grief reftraiii'd his art. 
 
 He twice effay'd to caft his fon in gold ; 
 
 Twice from his hands he dropp'd the forming mould. Dryd. 
 
 Line 169. Beneath, &c.] See note on fubmarine navig. B. 2. 1. 316. 
 
 Line 175.] The Surinam toad produces its young out of its back in their 
 perfedl (hape, after having been hatched from eggs contained in certain cells 
 within the fkin. 
 
 Mr. Bradley, in his works of nature, p. 1 26, fays, he has obferved this crea- 
 ture in three different ftates. In the iii-ft, the pores of the back were all clofed, 
 excepting three or four, which began to be forced open by the eggs lodged in 
 cells below them. In the fecond ftate, all the pores in the (kin of the back were 
 fomuch opened that he could plainly difcern the points of the eggs within them. 
 And in the third, (which he gives a pidure of) young ones were perfe<5ily formed 
 ia all the cells of the back. 
 
176 TflE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 To grace the third, a flowing robe was brought : 180 
 
 Of fpider's web the curious texture wrought. 
 
 Firfl, great Agrippa to the prize pretends: 
 From learn'd Cornelius' hneage he defcends. 
 His fkilful hand the fpeedy mermaid guides 
 Safe from tempeftuous winds and thwarting tides. 185 
 
 Next, long-inur'd beneath the waves to dwell, 
 The two defcendants of the great Drebell. 
 
 One 
 
 Line i8i. .Of fpider's zceb, &c.] In the year 1710, M. Bon difcovered the 
 ait of making filk of the webs of fpiders, for an account of which we refer the 
 reader to a differtation on the fubject pubhftied by him. Mr. Reaumur has ob- 
 jefted difficulties to this manufafture, which are printed in the memoirs of the 
 academy. He fuggefts that the natural ferocity of thefe animals renders them 
 unfit to be bred and kept together. But this difficulty will vanifli, when we find 
 upon calculation that fo fmall a number as 663,552 only are required to make 
 ail whole pound of the filk. » " 
 
 Line 1 86. Next, long-inur'd beneath the waves to dwell.'] Mr. Boyle tells us 
 he received an account of the fuccefs of this experiment from an excellent ma- 
 thematician, who was informed of it by one who was in the veflel at the time of 
 trial. He then proceeds to the method of purifying the air. * Having had the 
 ' curiofity and opportunity to make particular inquiries among the relations of 
 ' Drebell, and efpecially of an ingenious phyfician that married his daughter, 
 ' concerning the grounds upon which he conceived it feafible to make men uii- 
 
 * accuftomed to continue fo long under water without fuffi)cation, or (as the 
 
 * lately-mentioned perfon that went in the vefl'el affirms) without inconvenience; 
 ■' I was anfwered, that Drebell conceived that it was not the whole body of the 
 
 * air, but a certain quinteflence (as chymifts fpeak) or fpirituous part of it, that 
 ' makes it fit for refpiration, which being fpent, the remaining grofler body, or 
 ' carcafc, (if I may fo call it) of the air, is unable to cherifli the vital flame re- 
 ^ fiding in the heart. So that for aught I could gather, befides the mechanical 
 ' contrivance of the veffel, he had a chymical liquor, which he accounted the 
 ' chief fecret of the fubmarine navigation. For when from time to time he per- 
 ' ceived that the finer and purer pait of the ak was coiifumed or over-clogged 
 
 by 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 177 
 
 190 J 
 
 One guides the Crocodile's ftupendous fize; 
 Six banks of oars, in fix degrees, arife : 
 Tiie other in the lighter Hydra flies. 
 
 Far in the fea a grove of coral flood, 
 The waves o'erfliadowing with a branchins; wood. 
 To this, their deftin'd goal, they urge their flight, 
 And, at the ftated fignal, fink from fight ; 
 Their oars now move with wide-expanded fweep, 195 
 
 And now return contracted thro' the deep. 
 The Hydra leads : Drebell, elate of foul. 
 His rivals eyes, regardk'fs of the goal : 
 With fond afl'urance deems the prize his own ; 
 And oft in thought he weighs the pond'rous ftone. 200 
 
 O jufteft 
 
 ' by the refpiration and ftcams of thofe that went in his (hip, he would, by 
 ' unftopping a veffel full of this licjuor, fpeedily reftore to the troubled air fuch a 
 ' proportion of vital parts as would make it again for a good while fit for refpi- 
 ' ration, whether by diffipating or precipitating the grofl'er exhalations, or by 
 ' fome other intelligible way, I muft uot now flay to examine; contenting 
 ' myfelf to add, that having had the opportunity to do fome fervice to thofe of 
 ' his relations that were moft intimate with him, and having made it my bufi- 
 ' nefs to iearn what this ftrange liquor might be, they conlluntly affirmed that 
 ' Drebell would never difclofe the liquor unto any, nor fo much as tell the 
 ' matter whereof he had made it to above one perfon, who himfeif alTured me 
 ' what it was.' Boyle's Works, Vol. I. p. 69. 
 
 Line 189. Six banks of onvs infix degrees, arife.'] Wc hope from hencefor- 
 ward, the citation of this verfe will be allowed a fufficient anfwer to all feameil 
 and mechanics, who deny that the ancients ufed many oars one above another, 
 and pretend to difpute on a fubje6t of this nature with thofe, who have ftudicd 
 coins, bas-reliefs, and the ancient Poets, with the talle and fpirit of true 
 Vertuofi. 
 
 A A 
 
178 THE SCRIBLERIAD^ 
 
 O jufteft pidiure of the human mind, 
 Rafli tho' unknowing, confident tho' blind. 
 Plung'd in the depths of ejTor, we decree : 
 Boldly we judge of what we dimly fee ; 
 Au<l, too impatient for Truth's fober pace, 205 
 
 We follow light-wing'd hope's delufive chace. 
 Some air-drawn phantom leads our eyes aftray, 
 Blind to the nearer rocks which choak our dang'rous way. 
 
 Thus wrapt in thought, the Chief incautious drove 
 His veffbrs fide againil th' entangling grove. 2 10^ 
 
 The branching coral fnapt th' extended oars, 
 And the rafli youth his vanifli'd hopes deplores. 
 And now the wretch beholds,^ with jea'ous eyes, 
 The Mermaid next advancing for the prize. 
 Fraternal love a treach'rous thought infpires, 215. 
 
 He loads his engines with the Gbecian fires: 
 
 And, 
 
 Line 201. O jujleji piHure, &c.] Thefe eight lines, and the Apoftrophe 
 occafioned by the Hero's (iifappointment in the Third Book, are diftinguifliably 
 in the tafte of the moft admired vefledtions of fome of our favourite authors. 
 They are, indeed, of a more modern caft (as wel! in fentiment and expreflion, as 
 in the Hife of metaphor) than any thing we meet with in this whole work; 
 therefore we hope they will give great fatisfaction to thofe, who blame it for 
 adhering too clofely to an imitation of the ancients. 
 
 Line 216. Grecian jire.'] So called becaufe it was invented by the Greeks, 
 about the year 660, as is obferved by Petavius, on the autliority of Nicetas^. 
 Theophanes Cedrenus, 8cc. 
 
 It is compofed of fulphur naptha, pitch, gum, and bitumen ; and is only exr 
 tinguifliable by vinegar, mixed with fand and wine; or with raw hides. The 
 inventor, according to Petavius, was an engineer of HeUopolis in Syria, named. 
 6; Callinicus, . 
 
} 
 
 BOOK THE FOURTH. 179 
 
 And, as the rival barge triumphant paft, 
 
 Againft her fides the fierce bitumen caft. 
 
 Wide rage the fires. The crew with hafty care, 
 
 The raAV bull-hides and vinegar prepare 220 
 
 To damp the flames, and quit the needful oar : 
 
 Swift flies the well-row'd Crocodile before, 
 
 Sweeps circling round the grove and makes the fliore. 
 
 Now, her defrauded honors to regain, 
 
 The Mermaid plies her oars, but plies in vain. 225 
 
 Too well the fraudful brother's arts prevail ; 
 
 Applauding fliouts her conqu'ring rival hail. 
 
 At length the young Drebellides returns, 
 
 Tho' half her oars the crippled Hydra mourns. 
 
 As when the hungry Crab in India's main, 230 
 
 Whofe body two unequal legs fuftain, 
 
 Intent 
 
 Callinicus, who firft applied it in the fea-fight commanded by Conftantine Po- 
 gonates againft the Saracens, near Cyzicus in the Helletpont, and with fuch 
 efFeft, that he burnt the whole fleet therewith, wherein were thirty thoufand 
 men. 
 
 But others will have it of a much elder date, and hold Marcus Gracchus the 
 inventor ; which opinion is fupported by feveral paflages, both in the Greek and 
 Roman writers, which fliew it to have been anciently ufed by both thofe nations 
 in the wars. See Scaliger againft Cardan. 
 
 Conftantine's fucceflbrs uled it on divers occafions, with equal advantage as 
 himfelf ; and what is remarkable enough is, that they were fo happy as to keep 
 the fecret of the compofition to themfelves ; fo that no other nation knew it in 
 the year 960. 
 
 Line 230. ^s when the hungry crab.'] This fpecies of crabs is very frequent 
 in the Weft Indies, and there called the fidler, becaufe in its progrefs the linaller 
 
 A A 2 " claw 
 
180 TPIE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Intent forne oyfter's op'ning fhell to fpoil, 
 Moves to the gaping prey with auk ward toil ; 
 His larger claw, Avith treach'rous pebbles load, 
 Drives him obliquely fideling from the road ; 235 
 
 The Hydra thus, impell'd by partial force, 
 Steer'd thro' the waves her lame and tardy courfe. 
 Once more, I thus befpoke th' attentive train ; 
 Advance the ikilful markfmen on the plain, 
 Who, with the air's compreft elaftic force, 240 
 
 From wind-guns fpeed the bullet's rapid courfe. 
 
 High 
 
 claw has a motion not tinlilce that of a fidler's arm, and the larger claw is fup- 
 pofed to referable the fiddle. He is remarkable for procuring his food by the 
 following ftratagem : When he finds an oyfl:er or mufcle with its fliell open, he 
 places a little Hone, which he carries in his larger claw, in fuch a manner as to 
 prevent the fhell from clofing, then inferting the fmall claw, he therewith picks out 
 the meat. 
 
 Virgil, on the like occafion, has introduced a fimile of a wounded ferpent, 
 •sfeliich, if it be not equal to this of our author, we may venture to fay it is not 
 the fault of the poet, but of the times ; and we fliall not fcruple to prefent it to 
 the reader, as we believe it to be as good a fimile as ever was wrote before the 
 difcovery of the Weft Indies. 
 
 Qualisfape via deprenfus in aggerefcrpens, 
 
 JErea quern obliqitum rota tranftit, aut gravis iSiu 
 
 Seminecem liquit faxo lacerumque viator : 
 
 Nequicquam longosfugicns dat corpore tortus, 
 
 Parte ferox, ardenfqut ociilis, 6f Jtbila colla 
 
 j^rduta attoUens ; pars vulnere clauda retentat 
 
 Nexantem nodes, feque ; infua membra plicantem. 
 
 luU remigio navisfe tarda movebat. ViRG. Ma. L. $. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. I8i 
 
 High on the fummit of yon lofty hill, 
 
 The milk-white courfer by the fculptor's fliill, 
 
 Vaft as the Trojan horfe^ confpicuous Hands, 
 
 And fpeaks the labor of no vulgar hands. 24f5 
 
 Who fmite the fteed fhall fliare one gen'ral prize. 
 
 This radiant ftore of matchlefs butterflies. 
 
 But he whofe happier ball with nicer aim 
 
 Shall ftrike the flank, the vid;or's glory claim i 
 
 For, 
 
 Line 243. The miK-white courfer, &c.] Such reprefentations on the fides of 
 hills are not uncommon. Alexander defigned to have his image reprefented on 
 a mountain, with a city in one hand, and a river in. the other. But the moft 
 frequent have been thofe of horfes. 
 
 We have a remarkable defcription of one by a learned antiquary, in 'a 
 ' letter to Dr. Mead, concerning fome antiquities in Berkfhire, particularly 
 ' ihewing, that the white-horfe, which gives name to the vale, is a monument, 
 ' &c. &c. 
 
 * Our horfe is formed on the fide of a fteep hill. His diraenfions are extended 
 ' over an acre of ground, or thereabouts. 
 
 ' The horfe at firft view, is enough to raife the admiration of every curious 
 
 * fpedator, being defigned in fo mafter-like a manner, that it may defy the 
 ' painter's flcill to give a more exad defcription of that animal. 
 
 ' The neighbouring inhabitants have a cuftom of fcouring the horfe, as they 
 
 * call it ; at which time a folemn feftival is celebrated, and manlike games with 
 ' prizes exhibited. 
 
 * If ever the genius of King. Alfred exerted'itfelf (and it never failed him 
 
 * in his greateft exigencies) it did remarkably upon the account of this trophy. 
 
 ' Though he had not the opportunity of raifing, like other conquerors, a flu- 
 ' pendous monument of brafs or marble, yet he has fliewn an admirable con- 
 
 * trivance, in erecSling one magnificent enough, though fimple in its defign ; e.x- 
 
 ' ecuted too with little labour and no expence, that may hereafter vie with. 
 *• the pyramids for duration, and perhaps exifl; when thefe fhall be no more.'. 
 Page .24. 
 
182 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 For, on the flank, Laocoon's furious dart 350 
 
 Pierc'd the vaft flrutture of Epeus' art. 
 
 Be his reward this vakied volume,, fraught 
 
 With all the ftores of Wor'ster's pregnant thought. 
 
 I faid : and in the hallow'd helmet threw 
 The lots infcrib'd ; the firft Deidemon drew. 255 
 
 His well-aimed engine he directs with care, 
 And inftant frees the clofe-imprifon'd air. 
 Th' unerring ball purfii'd its rapid courfe, 
 And fmote, with furious ftroke, the facred horfe. 
 By ftrong repulfion, thence return'd, again 260 
 
 Roil'd back and lay, confpicuous, on the plain. 
 The reft, by turns, fucceed their art to try, 
 And Aving the pond'rous metal thro' the Iky : 
 
 With 
 
 Line 251.   — the vaJiJlruSure of Epeus" art."] The Trojan horfe was built 
 
 by Epeus. 
 
 et ipfe ille doli fabricator Epeus. Virg. B. 2. 
 
 Lin.e253.] The Marquis of Worcefter's century of inventions. 
 
 Line 261. Roird back.'] lliere is a wonderful fimilitude between this prodigy, 
 and that which befel Adraftus, as recorded by Statins. 
 
 Campum emenfa brevi, fatalis ab arbore tada, 
 Horrendum vifu,per quas modo fugerat , auras, 
 Vcnit arundo retro ; verfumque a Jine tenorem 
 Pertutit, at notajuxta ruit ora pharetrce. 
 Multa duces errorefirunt. Hi uubila et altos 
 Occurrijfe notos. Adverfo roboris idu 
 Tela repulfa alii,penitus latet exitus iugens, 
 Monjiratumque 7iefas : uni remeabile bellum; 
 Et trijles domino fpondebat arundo recurfus. 
 
 TuEBAiD, L, 6. the end. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. i83 
 
 With like amaze the prodigy repeat, 
 
 And find the fatal bullet at their feet. 265 
 
 Mov'd by the impulfe of fome power divine, 
 I now refolve the folemn games to join. 
 When lo ! a ftranger omen greets our eyes. 
 And fills the gazer's foul with new furprize ; 
 As thro' the air I drove the whizzing lead, 270 
 
 An ambient flame around the metal fpread : 
 Such and fo bright yon argent circles glow, 
 Which ceafelefs round the orb of Saturn flow; 
 High o'er the rock, metereous, it flies, 
 Borne unextinguifli'd to the lofty fliies. 275 
 
 Then thus the bards explain the great portent :. 
 To thee, Scriblerus, is this omen fent ; 
 By this unerring fign the Gods decree 
 Peaceful return to all thy friends : to Tliee, 
 Succeffive fcenes of wonder to explore 250 
 
 In realms far diftant from thy native fliore.. 
 
 Fix'd 
 
 Eine 271. An ambient jiame around the metal fpread.\ See Vikg. ^-En. B. 5; 
 the arrow of Aceftes. 
 
 Line 272. Such and fo bright yon argetit circles glow, . 
 
 Which ceafelefs round the orb of Saturnjioze.'] 
 
 By fome late obfervations made by Mr. Short, with a refleding telefcope whofe 
 focal length is 1 2 feet, it appears that Saturn's ring is divided into two unequal 
 parts, by a dark lift (which may be fcen by telefcopes of lefs power) and that the 
 outward and lefler part is again lubdivided by other linaller Ms, into feveral (ap- 
 parently concentric) rings. 
 
184 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Fix'd and fufpended for a while I ftand : 
 At length approaching the prophetic band ; 
 Perplex'd^ 1 fpake : within my duljious foul, 
 Hope and diftruft, by turns, tumvdtuous roll. 285 
 
 Bleft be the feer whofe hallow'd tongue imparts 
 Thefe founds of comfort to our dubious hearts ; 
 Yet tho' each omen point a profp'rous end. 
 Still o'er our heads th' Acrostick's threats impend : 
 O ! teach us by what facrifice or pray'r 290 
 
 T' avert the curfe, or bravely how to bear: 
 And, if fo far thy fcience reach, relate 
 Wliat diftant realms my future toil await. 
 The feer replies : fuffice it that you know 
 (For Satuhn's wrath forbids the reft to Ihow) 295 
 
 A profp'rous end to all your woes decreed ; 
 Then, fpight of boding prophecies, proceed. 
 Such threats, nor fear to meet, nor willi to flmn. 
 Perhaps the menace of an empty pun. 
 
 Well has tliy care appeas'd th' Acrostick's foul 300 
 
 No doubt remains thy purpofe to controul ; 
 With fpeed to Egypt's facred coaft repair; 
 There fliall a furer oracle declare 
 
 Thy 
 
 Line 295. For Saturn. \ 
 
 . . farique vetat Satiirnia Juno. Vikg. L. 3. 
 
 lAae 2cg. Perhaps the menace of an emptj/ pun.] 
 
 Nee tu menfuram morfus horrefce futuros : 
 
 Fata viam invenieiU. iEN. B. 3. 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. i85 
 
 Thy future courfe ; yet ere thou hence depart, 
 
 Receive thefe tokens of a friendly heart. 305 
 
 He faid, and twelve refplendent Axes brought ; 
 
 Twelve choice ^Enigmas on the fteel were wrought. 
 
 A fliepherd's Pipe, whofe each decreafing line 
 
 Refounds the honours of the tuneful Nine. 
 
 Then march fix Bards, who, ftudious to rehearfe 3 1 
 
 Our deathlefs labours in Pindaric verfe, 
 
 Bear them, infcrib'd on fix expanded wings. 
 
 And each, in turn, th' unequal meafure fings. 
 
 Then joining hands, ere yet I thence withdrew, 
 In words like thefe I paid my laft adieu ; 315 
 
 May Phoebus ever blefs this peaceful land ; 
 To endlefs time your lettef'd altars ftand ; 
 Still may your groves their radiant fruits unfold ; 
 Still bloom with fparkling gems and burnifh'd gold : 
 May mufic flow from ev'ry Naiad's urn, 320 
 
 And echoing rocks the melting founds return. 
 Nor Critic pow'rs invade this bleft retreat, 
 To bruife your flow'rets with their hoftile feet. 
 
 And now confirm'd our vows of mutual love ; 
 From the gay coaft, with mournful fteps, we move. 325 
 
 When 
 
 Line 306. Ticelve refpkndent axeQ See Spectator, No. 58. 
 
 Line 323.] Nor bruife herjlorc'rets zcith the armed hoofs 
 
 Of hojlile paces. ^hakespeae's Henry IV. beginning. 
 
 Bb 
 
185 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Six tedious weeks we fpread the fwelling fails, 
 And drive at large before the fovithern gales. 
 When, from Arabia's fpicy borders, fpring 
 The Eaftern breezes, and Avith od'rous wing. 
 Fanning the wanton air, around difpenfe 330 
 
 A grateful fragrance to the ravilh'd fenfe. 
 The ERYTiiRiEAN fea before us lay 
 Our deftin'd courfe : a far-extended bay. 
 In twice ten days, the inmoft coaft we reach, 
 And land our treafures on the fpacious beach. 335 
 
 To camels now confign the precious load, 
 And toil, intrepid, thro' the; pathlefs road : 
 The fifteenth fultry morn s aufpicious light 
 Reveal'd great Cairo's minarets to fight. 
 From thence we journey'd o'er the defart plain : "j 340 
 
 There all my treafures, folace of ray pain, 
 Sav'd through a thoufand toils, but fav'd in vain, 
 Perifli'd at once. This ftroke no boding fign 
 Foretold : nor did the dire Acrostic join 
 
 Amidfl; 
 
 Line 339.] The Minaret is a fort of fteeple in the form of a column, ending 
 towards llie top in a cone. A httle before it begins to take its conic figure, it 
 is furrounded by a gallery. 
 
 Line 343.] Nee rates Helenus, cummulta horrenda moneret 
 Hosmihipnedixit lu8us, nondira Celano. 
 
 * VlRG. L. 3. 
 
 My dear, dear father, fpent with age, I loft ; 
 Eafe of my cares, and folace of my pain, 
 Sav'd through a thoufand toils, but fav'd La vaio. 
 
 ° The 
 
 } 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 187 
 
 Amidft his nithlefs curfes : this furpaft 345 
 
 All other woes : the greateft and the laft. 
 
 Abrupt the Hero ends the wond'rous tale ; 
 While tears in torrents o'er his words prevail. 
 When, ruftiing from the (ky, the bird of Jove 
 A team of twenty ducks before him drove : 350 
 
 With trembling wing, beneath the flood they Ihoot, 
 The whelming waves elude his vain puifuit. 
 Ruffled with rage, th'indignant tyrant glows : 
 'Till from the ftream a pamper'd goofe arofe. 
 Eager to her he wings his deathful way, > 355 
 
 And his ftrong talons feize the goodly prey. 
 
 With friendly joys thus fpake the pious train : 
 Not hard this myftic omen to explain 
 As yon proud bird indignant grief exprefl, 
 With wild diforder'd flight and ruffled crefl;, 350 
 
 Or 
 
 The prophet, who my future woes reveal'd. 
 Yet this, the greateft and the worft conceal'd : 
 And dire Celsno, whofe foreboding (kill 
 Denounc'd all elfe, was filent of this ill, 
 
 Deyd. 
 
 Line 359.] As thus the plumy fovereign of the air 
 
 Left on the mountain's brow his callow care. 
 And wander'd thro' the wide etherial way 
 To pour his wrath on yon luxurious prey ; 
 So fliall thy godlike father, tofs'd in vain 
 Thro' all the dangers of the boundlefs main 
 
 Arrive -..-_.-. — 
 
 Pope's Odyss.B. 15. 
 
 BBS 
 
188 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Or wheeling thro' the wide aetherial way. 
 
 Or vainly hov 'ring o'er his vanilh'd prey ; 
 
 Now rais'd on founding pinions feeks the fkies, 
 
 At length fuccefsful in a nobler prize : 
 
 So fliall thou meet thy rich reward at laft, 365 
 
 And lole in prefent joys thy lufF'rings paft. 
 
 But O ! for us what promifed boon remains, 
 
 What gleam of hope for all our endlefs pains ? 
 
 With thefe bare feet, in vain, yon hallow'd ground 
 
 Whole years we trod : no precious relic found : 370 
 
 No bleft remains of better days could trace 
 
 'Midll impious Ottoman's ufurping race; 
 
 Where barb'rous rage the fainted forms devours, 
 
 Foe to the chizzel's confecrating pow'rs. 
 
 While liftlefs drones the Pontiff's chair degrade, 375 
 
 And zeal no more awakens the Crufade. 
 
 I'hey faid, and from the bark a plenteous ftore 
 Of ftronsj Asp H ALTOS to the Hero bore. 
 And twelve fair apples beauteous to behold, 
 Whofe rind refulgent vies with burnifli'd gold. 380 
 
 But, 
 
 Line 378. Ofjlrong Jfphaltos.'] A brittle, black, bituminous fubilance, refem- 
 bling pitch. It is cliiefly found fvvimuiing on tlie furface of tiie Dead Sea, 
 When melted it fends forth a ftrong fulphurcous fmell, extremely offenfive. 
 
 Line 379. And tzoelve fair apples, ^c] ' We went on to Jericho, tluough 
 
 ' places where grew fundry forts of trees, fome whereof were full of ripe fruit : 
 
 * fome of our company, taken with their beauty, plucked a few of them, and 
 
 » ' found 
 
BOOK THE FOURTH. 189 
 
 But, for the fruit, a naufeous pulp is found, 
 Or allies fill the vain delufive round. 
 
 Thefe gifts the Chief receives with grateful hand, 
 And to proud Cairo leads the wearied band. 
 He venerates the Soldan's ruin'd flate, 385 
 
 And burns to find the Prophet of his fate. 
 
 ' found nothing in them but dry allies, and a fort of wet or moift embers.' 
 Baumgarte.x's Travels. 
 
 — — ' Apples, which appear very lovely to the eye, but being cut up, prove 
 ' mere naught, being nothing elfe but a heap of naufeous matter.' Gordon's 
 Geograph. Grammar ; of Paleftine. 
 
 Sir John Maundevile defcribing the borders of the Dead Sea, fays : ' And there 
 
 * befyden growen trees that beren fulle faire apples, and faire of colour to be- 
 
 * holde ; but whofo brekethe hem, or cuttethe hem in two, he fchalle fynde with- 
 ' in hem coles and cyndrcs.' 
 
 Line 385. The Soldan's ruin'djiate.'] Cairo was anciently poffeft by the Ma- 
 malukes, and governed by their Soldans. 
 
 THE END OF THE FOURTH BOOK. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK V. 
 
ARGUMENT. 
 
 ScRiBLERUS, having confulted the Morofoph, relates to his friends the refult of 
 his enquiry. That he muft leave them to go in fearch of the philofopher's 
 flone, which is promis'd him. That they muft return to England and found a 
 fociety, of which he is to be vifitor; and being affured^ by pofleflion of the 
 ftone, of longaevityj if not immortality, he promifes to vifit the fociety every 
 century. After a variety of hardfliips which our Hero undergoes in twelve 
 months travel from Genoa, where his friends leave him, he arrives at a grove 
 near Munfter in Germany. In this city, after feveral fruitlefs attempts to 
 Iranfmute lead into gold, the alchymifts agree to poftpone the farther trial of 
 their art to the next day, hoping it might be more aufpicious, as being the fiiil 
 day of April, the birth-day of that fuccefsful alchymift Basilius Valen- 
 TiNUS. That night Plutus appears to the Hero, and diredshim to the fatal 
 root which is to procure the tranfmutation of metals and prolongation of 
 life. Infpired with gratitude and devotion, Scribletius facrificcs a goofe and 
 thirty goflins, which engages him in a (harp conflidl with a revengeful maiden, 
 wh'om at length he vanquiflies, and, with a moderation lingular in a conqueror, 
 leaves, to purfue his journey to Munfter. 
 
THE , 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK THE FIFTH. 
 
 AL L night, the fleeplefs fage impatient lay. 
 Big with the fortunes of the following day. 
 Soon as the wifh'd-for morn with purple ftreaks 
 Th' horizon's utmoft bound, Sceiblerus feeks 
 The raptur'd feer. A long fuccefslefs day 5 
 
 Thro' every ftreet he takes his tircfome way. 
 The night approach'd : when, feated on the ground, 
 Alone, the penfive Morofoph he found. 
 A woolly flieepfkin veil'd his rev'rend head : 
 Thence lengthen 'd downwards and beneath him fpread. 10 
 (Thus, near Albunea's hallow'd fount, re.pos'd 
 On fleecy fliins, the prieft of Faunus doz'd) 
 
 But 
 
 Line 8. Morofoph.'] See Note on B. i. line 367. 
 
 Line ii.] lucoquefub alta 
 
 Confulit Albunta 
 
 Crtfarum oviumfub no£tefilenti 
 
 Pdlibus incubuit Jlratisyfomnojque petivit. 
 
 C c 
 
194 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 But all before, his facred body bare, 
 
 111-brook'd the rigour of th' inclement air. 
 
 A deep capacious bowl, replete with flora 1 5 
 
 Of potent opium in his hand he bore. 
 
 So fam'd Theangelis wdth hallow'd rage 
 
 Fills the fwoU'n bofom of the Persian mage. 
 
 The fcratching-ftick with which the Seer fubdu'd 
 
 The tingling tumults of his boiling blood, 20 
 
 Seem'd, as he whirl'd it, the Chaldean rod, 
 
 Or Thyrsus, fymbol of the Lybian god. 
 
 SCRIBLERUS 
 
 Line l6. Of potent opium.^ By leafon of the prohibition of wine and other 
 fpirituous hquors, opium is generally ufed throughout the Turkifli empire. Whea 
 taken in proper quantitieSj it raifes the fpirits and greatly enlivens; but the Turks 
 know no more moderation in that, than we in our liquors, and feldom leave their 
 cordial till they are intoxicated and ftu])ified. They are held in derifion by thofe 
 who venture to tranfgrefs the law and drink wine, being called by the opprobrious 
 name Teriachi, or opium-fots. 
 
 Line 17. Theangelis in Libano Syritz, Di6ie Creta montibus S^ Babyhna If 
 Sufis Perfidis nafcitur, qua potu Magi diviiunt. Plin. L. 4. cap. 1 "j. 
 
 Line 19. Thefcratching-Jiick.'] When the Nile firft begins to rife, drinking 
 the turbid waters occafions an heat in the blood, which throws out a fort of rafli, 
 attended with continual itchings. The people of fafliion carry, at this time, a, 
 fcratching-ftick. 1 his is a piece of wood, one fide of which is in the form of 
 a pine-apple, with the fame kind of indentures to give it a little roughnefs.. 
 It is fixed to a long handle. 
 
 Line 21. The Chaldean rod.'] Not only the Chaldeans ufed rods for divina- 
 tion, but alinoft every nation, which has pretended to that fcience, has pradifed 
 the fame method. Herodotus mentions it as a cuftom of the Alani : and Tacitus 
 of the old Germans. Ezekiel fpeaks of it, and Hofea reproaches the Jews as 
 being infefted with the like fuperfl;ition. My people aflt council at their Stocks ; 
 and their Staff declareth unto them. Cliap. iv. vcr. 12. 
 6 
 
BOOK THE fifth: 19$ 
 
 ; ScRiBLERUs now appioach'd with rev'reiice low, 
 
 The Seer obferv'd ; and dealt a furious blow 
 
 Full on his head : whofe force impetuous ftunn'd 25 
 
 Th' unwary fage, and fell'd him to the ground. 
 
 Frantic awhile Avith ideot grin he gaz'd ; 
 
 At length the Hero from the earth he rais'd : 
 
 Then to his lips convey'd the balmy draught ; 
 
 The fenfelefs Cliief the flumb'rous potion quaft. 30 
 
 His heavy eyes the flumb'rous potion clos'd. 
 
 Ere yet his tongue his various doubts propos'd. 
 
 Wrapt in th' embrace of fleep, he paft the night, 
 
 And rifmg, joyful, with the morning light, 
 
 His friends he fought, impatient to relate 35 
 
 Their glories promis'd by propitious fate. 
 
 Eager alike his dear companions ran 
 
 To meet their chief; Scriblerus thus began. 
 
 Hear, bleft aflbciates of my various pains, 
 What rich reward to crown our toil remains. 40 
 
 Laft night, fo Jove ordain'd, alone I found 
 The heav'n-taught Prophet feated on the ground. 
 An hallow'd rage already had poffeft 
 His raptured foul, and heav'd his fwelling breaft. 
 
 High 
 
 Line 32. This adventure of our Hero bears a very near refemblance to the 
 narration given by Don Quixote (Part 2d, B. 6. chap. 23.) of what befel him in 
 the cave of Montefinos. 
 
 Line 43. Jn hallow'd rage, 8cc.] See the Sybil in Virgil, B. 6. the Pro-i 
 phetefs in Lucan, B. 5. &c. &c. 
 
 C C 2 
 
196 THE SCRIBLERIAP: 
 
 High en his head uprofe the brifthng hair : 45 
 
 His turgid eje-balls roll'd an hideous glare ; 
 
 With chatt'ring teeth, the working foam he churn'd, 
 
 And thrice the fohd earth, impatient, fpurn d ; 
 
 Then, wildly ftarting, danced with frantic bounds, 
 
 Whirling his rapid head in giddy rounds : Sft 
 
 He wav'd th' Edonian Thyrsus in his hand, 
 
 And look'd a prieft of Bacchus' furious band^ 
 
 In admiration loft, awhile I wait 
 Till the firft efforts of his rage abate : 
 
 When by his arm the Thyrfus urged around, SS: 
 
 Full on my temples gave this goary wound. 
 Pfoftrate I lay. At length the pitying fage,, 
 Calm'd and recover'd from his holy rage^ 
 With friendly fteps advancing, feiz'd my hand : 
 Chear'd with his voice and raifed me from the fand; 60 
 
 Then with Nepenthes crown'd a mantling bowl, 
 Whofe fov'reign charms reftored my drooping fouL 
 
 Thus 
 
 Line 6i. Then with Nepenthes.'] Milton mentions this Nepenthes in his 
 Mafcjue of Comus : 
 
 ' Not that Nepenthes which the wife of Thone 
 ' In Mgypt gave to Jove-born Helena, 
 ' Is of fuchpozver as this tojlir up joji, 
 ' To life fo friendly 
 
 Diodoras writes, 'that in Egypt there hved women who boafted of certain 
 * potions, which not only made the unfortunate forget all their calamities, but 
 ' drove away the moft violent fallies of grief or anger.' 
 
 Eufebius 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 197 
 
 Thus Helen mix'd the mirth-infpiring draught; 
 From thefe rich fliores the virtuous drugs flie brought. 
 My fpirits, foon reviving in my bread, 65 
 
 I thus the hallow'd Morofoph addreft : 
 
 Illuftrious Seer, whofe all-enhghten'd eyes 
 Dart thro' the diftant regions of the fkies ; 
 To thee an earneft fupphant am I come. 
 To hear thy dictates ahd enquire my doom. 70 
 
 The raptured Seer his rev'rend trefles fhakes, 
 Then, fiU'd with facred infpiration, fpeaks. 
 
 Heav'n-favour'd Sage, to whom the fates allow 
 Thofe fecrets wrapt from vulgar minds, to know. 
 Hear with a grateful and attentive heart, 75 
 
 The precepts^ which thy kinder liars impart*. 
 
 Firft, 
 
 Eiifebius directly affirms, ' that even in his time, the women of Diofpolis were 
 
 * able to calm the rage of grief or anger by certain potions. Now whether this 
 ' be truth or fidlion, it fully vindicates Homer, fiace a poet may make ufe of a 
 ' prevailing, though falfe, opinion.' 
 
 ' But that there may be fomething more than fidlion in this, is very probable, 
 
 * fince the Egyptiauswere fo notorioufly (killed in phyfic ; and 'particularly, 
 
 * fince, this very Thon, or Thonis, or Thoon, is reported by the ancients to have 
 ' been the inventor of phyfic among the Egyptians. The defcription of this 
 ' Nepenthes agrees admirably with what we know. of the qualities and effe<5ls of 
 ' Opium.' Note on Pope's Odyff. B. 4. 
 
 Line 64. Frrni thefe richjhores the virtuous drugs Jhe brought^ 
 
 Thefe drugs fo friendly to the joys of life. 
 Bright Helen learn'd from Thone's imperial wife ; 
 Who fv^ay'd the fceptre, where profilic Nile 
 With various fimples clothes the fatt'oed foil. 
 
 Pope's Odyss. B. 4. 
 
198 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Firft, in obedience to their high decree, 
 Again embarking on a length of fea, 
 Fair Genoa feek : there quit thy mournful friends, 
 But leani what fortune their return attends. 80 
 
 I fee, I fee them fpread their fwelling fails : 
 Some fav'ring pow'r fupplies the friendly gales. 
 I fee fair Albion's towVing cliffs arife, 
 While to the wifli'd-for port the velTel flies. 
 Now, now, behold, their hopes fuccefsful crown'd, 85 
 
 With wifeft laws an infant ftate they found 
 
 See hoAV her fons Avith gen'rous ardour ftrive, 
 
 Bid ev'ry long-lofl Gothic art revive. 
 
 Each British fcience ftudiouily explore : 
 
 Their drefs, their building, and their coins refl;ore. — 90 
 
 Be thefe your arts. Proceed, illuftrious race. 
 And yon fair ifle with ancient glories grace. 
 Let others view with alironomic eyes, 
 Yon lucid vagrants in the peopled ikies: 
 Let them the liabi table dome defign, 95 
 
 Taught by Vitruvius, or old Euclid's line; 
 
 Car^'e 
 
 Line 93- Let others tieu:^ 
 
 Excudent alii fpirantia mollius (Era. 
 
 Let others better mould the running inafs -j 
 
 Of metalsj and inform the breathing brafs, > 
 
 And forten into flefli a marble face ; ^ 
 
 Plead better at the bar, defcribe the ikies. 
 And when the ftars defcend, and when they rife. 
 
 Dryden's Viegil, B. 6. 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 199 
 
 Carve the rough block, inform the lumpiHi mafs, 
 
 Give canvas life, and mould the breathing brafs ; 
 
 With ftoried emblems, ftamp th' hiftoric coin ; 
 
 The painter's (kill and poet's fancy join : 1.00 
 
 Be yours the talk, induftrious, to recal 
 
 The loft infcription to the ruin'd wall ; 
 
 Each Celtic character explain ; or fliew 
 
 How Britons ate a thoufand years ago : 
 
 On laws of joufts and tournaments declaim, • r.05 
 
 Or fliine the rivals of the herald's fame. 
 
 But chief the Saxon wifdom be your care,. 
 
 Preferve their idols, and their fiines repair ;. 
 
 The cold devotion of the moderns warm 
 
 With Friga's fair hermaphroditic form : 110 
 
 And may their deep mythology be fliOAvn 
 
 By Seater's Avheel and Thor's tremendous throne. 
 
 Thus far the Sage by facred raptures born. 
 Reveals the fame of ages yet unborn. 
 
 He paufed and fix'd his eyes as tho' he view'd 115 
 
 Thofe glories prefent, then his fpeech renew'd : 
 
 Such honour crowns thy dear companions fates;, 
 Superior far thy glorious felf awaits.. 
 
 The 
 
 Line 107. By wifdom here the author means theology, ufing the word in 
 the fenfe of Lord Bacon, in his Wifdom of the Ancients. 
 
 Line 110. Vcrftegan, in his antiquities, gives the reprefentation of Friga the 
 hermaphrodite, Seater with his wheel, and Thor tiie thunderer, the only idol 
 who fits on a throne ; with a fufficient account of this mythology. 
 
200 THE S€RIBLERIAD: 
 
 The grand elixir art thou doora'd to know : 
 
 But firft muft roam a mendicant in fliow ; 120 
 
 Naked and pennylefs thro' diftant lands, 
 
 And eat thy bread the alms of ftranger hands. 
 
 The rugged Alps muft thofe bare feet affail, 
 
 Froz'n on the hill, or fwelt'ring in the vale ; . 
 
 Scorn and contempt thy painful lot remain, 1 25 
 
 Till Munster's venerable walls thou gain. 
 
 MuNSTER the deftin'd period of thy woe : 
 
 There, on a lake, white as the new-fall'n fnow, 
 
 A goofe, majeftic, o'er the waves fliall ride. 
 
 And thirty milk-white goflins by her fide. 
 
 Nigh 
 
 Line 119. The grand elixir.'] The ancient Egyptians had the art of extradling 
 an elixir from gems and precious ftones, which, on account of its fubtihty and 
 perfedion, they called Heaven ; it is alfo called the Philofopher's Stone (being 
 drawn from precious ftones,) aquavitae, vegetable feed of nature, folar foul, &c. 
 Kirclicr CEd. Egypt. The chymifls give it the power of making gold, and curing 
 all difeafes. 
 
 Line 120. Biitfirfi mitjl ro(un a mendicant injhow 
 
 Naked and penniflefs 
 
 Froz'n oh the hill, and fwelt'ring in the vale. 
 Scorn and contempt thy painful lot, See] 
 
 The author undoubtedly means all this in the literal feufe : but^j/fry if he does 
 not alfo hint, at the difficulties of alchymy, in the figurative fenie of thefe toils 
 and hardfliips. 
 
 Line 129. A goofe, majejlicl Vieg. L. 3. 1. 390. 
 Littoreis i}igens inventa fub ilicibus fus 
 Triginta copitum foetus enixa jacebit : 
 Alba folo recubans, Albi circum ubera nati. 
 
 Thou 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 
 
 201 
 
 Nigh to the borders of the filver flood, 
 Sacred to Plutus, Hands a lofty wood, 
 Beneath its fliadowing branches, grows a flowV 
 Whofe root the god endues with wondrous pow'r ; 
 Not the famed Moly which great Hermes bore 
 To fage Ulysses on th' ^E^an fiiore; 
 Nor that reftorative the Tartar boafts, 
 Nor all the growth of Arab's blifsful coails, 
 Nor balfanis which from northern trees tranfpire, 
 Tho' fix fucceflive months th' aetherial fire 
 With confl;ant rays the balmy juice fublime, 
 Can match this offspring of the German clime. 
 
 135 
 
 140 
 
 What 
 
 Thou flialt behold a fow upon the ground. 
 With thirty fucking young encompaft round. 
 The dam and offspring white as falling fnow. 
 
 Dryden. 
 
 Line 133. See Virg. L. 6. The golden bough. 
 
 Line 135. Not thefam'dMolj/.] Odyff. B. lo. Ovid. Metam. B. 14. 
 
 Line ] 37. Nor that rejlorative.'] The Gin-feng ; one of the principal curiofi- 
 ties of China, called aifo, by the Chinefe, the pure fpirit of the earth, the plant 
 that gives immortality. By the Tartars, Orhota, the firft of plants. The virtues 
 afcribed to this plant are hardly credible. Many volumes have been written by 
 their phyficians, to fet them forth. One of the Miffionaries witneffes, that 
 being himfelf fo fatigued, that he could hardly fit on the horfe, a Mandarin gave 
 him one of thefe ; upon eating half of it, in an hour's time he was not, in the 
 leaft, fenfible of any wearinefs. That fince, he had often made ufe of it with the 
 fame fuccefs. See Du Halde's Hist, or China. 
 
 Line 140. Tho' fix fuccejfive months th' (Stherialjire, &c.] The continual action 
 of the fun, for fix months fucceffively on the firs in high northern latitudes, 
 gives them a mucli greater portion of the aetheriai fire, and conl'equently much 
 more fovereign virtues than the produAions of fouthcrn climes. 
 
 D D 
 
158 THE SCRIBLERIAB: 
 
 What tho' no radiant metal grace the rind, 
 
 No golden branches crackle to the wind ; 
 
 What tho' it feem (fo Plutus has decreed) 145 
 
 To vulgar eyes, a defpicable weed : 
 
 Yet from this herb, a thoufand virtues flow ; 
 
 This pow'rful antidote for every woe. 
 
 Nor meagre licknefs, nor confuming care, 
 
 Shall wafte thy vigour with inteftine Avar. 1 50 
 
 Tho' age thy wither d front with wrinkles plough, 
 
 And blanch the hoary honours of thy brow ; 
 
 Tho' fanguine gamefters bett againft thy life. 
 
 Thou unconcern'd fhalt hear the Avagering ftrife. 
 
 From 
 
 Line 144. "No golden branches cracMe^ Virg.B. 6 
 I I fic leni crepitabat braSea vento. 
 
 Line 149. Nor meagre ficknefs, nor confuming care. '\ All travellers who have 
 feen and converfed with any of the true adepts, aflure us, that they always appear 
 with an healthy countenance and great chearfulnei's of fpirits. This is attributed 
 to the ufe of their excellent medicine, which gives them at once health and afflu- 
 ence ; and alfo, to that philofophy of mind which is previoufly neceflary for the 
 attainment of the fecret. 
 
 Line 154. Thou unconcern^ djhalt hear the wagering Jirife.J 
 
 Should the whole frame of nature round him break. 
 
 He, unconcern'd, would hear the mighty crack. Addisox. 
 
 This polite pradlice of laying wagers on lives, is grown fo common here, that 
 there is fcarce a perfon of diftintSlion in this nation, who does not become the 
 fubjeft of a bett, as foon as ever any grey hairs are difcovered on him. The 
 defcription of this fafliionable amufement makes fo admirable a conclufion to 
 thatexcellent poem. The Modern Fine Gentleman, that we cannot forbear infert- 
 iug it. 
 
   Lays wagers on his own and others lives : 
 
 Fights fathers, uncles, grandmothers, and zeives. 
 
 TiU 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. aos 
 
 From this ineftimable root calcined, 155 
 
 The great hermetic fecret llialt thou find ; 
 
 On bafer ores the powerful allies flrow ; 
 
 And pureft gold fliall from the furnace flow. 
 
 If fav'ring Plutus, bounteous pow'r, ordain 
 
 That thou, Scriblerus, the high prize obtain, 160 
 
 A fudden radiance of coelcftial light 
 
 Shall guide thy footfteps, and dired; thy fight : 
 
 But if the god the precious gift with-hold 
 
 Averfe, nor deem thee worthy of the gold, 
 
 Fruitlefs and vain thy weary fearch is made : 1 65 
 
 The plant lies buried in eternal fliade. 
 
 If e'er thou fwerve from rigid virtue's path, 
 
 Expe6i the vengeful god's feverefl wrath. 
 
 . The 
 
 Till Death at length, indignant to be made 
 The daily fubjeS of hi$ fport and trade, 
 Veils uith his fable hand the zoretch's ei/es; 
 And, groaning for the betts he lofes byt, he. dies. 
 Line 159. If fav'ring Plutus.] 
 
 ' namque ipfe volens facilifque fcquetur 
 
 Si tefata vacant, aliter nan viribus ullis 
 
 Vincere, nee duro poteris convellere ferro . Virg. B. 6. 
 
 Line 167. If e'er thou fecerve from rigid virtue's path.'] Il is univerfally agreed, 
 that the great fecrel can only be obtained by men of exemplary life. This is 
 continually inculcated in Johnfon's Alchemift, and at laft the failure in the 
 work is afcribed to Sir Epicure Mammon's failure in continency. He is warned 
 againft avaricCj and charity is recommended to him by Subtle in the 2d a<5t. 
 
 SuELY. Why, I have heard, he muft be homofrugi, 
 A pious, holy, and religious man. 
 One free from mortal fin, a very virgin. 
 
 D D 2 Mammon. 
 
204 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The root its virtue fliall retain no more : 
 
 Like Midas tlioa the ufelefs gift deplore. 170 
 
 Let humble thoughts thy vanity controul, 
 
 And meeknefs temper thine elated foul. 
 
 Pride rears her giant form aloft and treads 
 Injurious o'er the cow'ring gazers heads. 
 By pride obnoxious, jealoufy and hate 175 
 
 Shall drive thee fkulking from each envious ftate. 
 
 But' 
 
 Ma m m o n . Tliat makes it, fir, he is fo. He, honeft wretch, 
 
 A notable, fuperftitious, good foul. 
 
 Has worn his knees bare, and his flippers hald^ 
 
 With prayer and falling for it. 
 Subtle. Son, I doubt 
 
 You are covetous . 
 
 Take heed, you do not caufe the bleffing to leave you. 
 
 With your ungovern'd hafte. I ftiould be forry 
 
 To fee my labours, now e'en at perfe6lion 
 
 Not profper, which in all my ends 
 
 Have look'd no way, but unto public good. 
 
 To pious ufes, and dear charity. 
 
 Now grown a prodigy with men. Wherein 
 
 If you, my fon, fhould now prevaricate. 
 
 And to your own particular lulls, employ 
 
 So great and catholic a bhfs, be fure 
 
 A Gurfe will follow, yea, and overtake 
 
 Your fubtle and moll fecret way. 
 
 Line 173. Pride rears, Sac.'] i ya( eTr" sSei 
 
 B7^7rli:<T' avSpumi. Il\KO. tAi. g-2. 
 
 Line 175. Bi/ pride obnoxious.'] All who are poffeft of this admirable fecret 
 are obliged to conceal it by the moll private life, and to live without the leaft 
 fl)ew of expence; by reafoa that a fplendid appearance, without an apparent 
 fund to fupport it, would lubjeiSi them to the inquifition of every llate they 
 
 fliould 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 205 
 
 But lowly charity's unheeded pace 
 
 Nor envy fpies, nor can fufpicion trace. 
 
 Then chief be heaven-born charity thy care,, 
 
 Nor pafs one hour without a grateful pray 'r. 180 
 
 Thus far the Seer, when fleep's refiftlefs god 
 
 Shook o'er my eye-lids his Lethean rod* 
 
 At 
 
 fhouM happen to refide in. For they muft either acquire their wealth hy this 
 means, or worie ; if they lie under the fufpicion of the latter, a well regulated 
 community will think it their duty to call them to account; if of the former, the 
 pohcy of the ftate will not fuffer a private perfon to enjoy the benefit of tiieir 
 proteftion, without a participation of the fecret, for the ufe of the public. Flamel 
 being accufed of embezzling the finances, and of miljnanagement and extortion, 
 owned fairly, that he -A'as mafter of the fecret, and by that means accounted for 
 the eftate of 500,000 piftoles, which he had amafled. But others who have flood 
 more in fear of the torture, have never appeared with any degree of magni- 
 ficence ; nor refided any length of time in one place, left their preferving the 
 fame florid complexion for a length of years might caufe the admiration of their 
 neighbours, and the difcovery of their art. For thefe reafons they are conti- 
 nually fliifting from place to place; and but that a wife man is a citizen of the 
 world, and that the adage, Omne folum forti patria eji, exempts them from the 
 reproach, they would be vagabonds and outcafts of the earth. From this prudent 
 and cautious conduft of theirs, we do not hear of any one who was ever lii<ely to 
 be detected, except Sig. Gualdi at Venice, and that by a very extraordinary acci- 
 dent: one day fliewing a pi<5lure to a connoifleur which he told him was his 
 own, the connoifleur declared he was pofitive it was Titian's hand; but how can 
 that be, Sig. Gualdi? fays he There is your face as old as you, appear to be at 
 this inftant ; and yet Titian has been dead above fourfcore years. The vifit 
 ended foniewhat abruptly. The connoifleur, full of aftonifliment, came again 
 next morning to re-examine the tints ; but Sig. Gualdi was decamped. This 
 ftory is told at large in a moft ingenious and entertaining book, not long fince 
 publiflied, called Hermippus Redivivus, which we cannot but recommend to the 
 reader for its own merit, and now, particularly, as being the moft agreeable way 
 of acquainting him with feveral chymical anecdotes and ftories very ufeful for, 
 the better underftanding the remaining part of this work. 
 
 Line 
 
206 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 At morn I waked, aftonifli'd and alpne. 
 For ah ! the prophet from my fide was gone. 
 
 Thns to his gladden'd friends the Chief relates 185 
 
 The tale prophetic of their future fates. 
 Elate with hope a veffel they prepare 
 And load the needful ftores with zealous care. 
 With profp'rous gales they cut the liquid way, 
 And moorfecure in Genoa's deftined bay. 190 
 
 There, drown'd in tears and dumb with friendly grief, 
 His fad companions leave their mournful Chief; 
 Yet as the Hero bids his laft adieu, 
 He vows, ere long, their growing fchemes to view. 
 And, each revolving cent'ry, to repeat 195 
 
 His folemn vifit to their fofter Hate. 
 
 Tho' Portugal her loft Sebastian mourn. 
 And weary heav'ri in vain for his return : 
 
 On 
 
 Line 183. At morn I teak' d, ajtonijh'd and alone ; 
 
 For ah! theprophet from my fide was gone. 1 
 
 The known effedl of opium is, that it fupplies the mind with a continual pre- 
 fentation of pleafing images. It moft naturally operates by awakening thofe 
 ideas with which the mind is already ftrongly poffefled ; tho' full as frequently it 
 raifes entirely new ones. It is no wonder that our hero's warm imagination 
 fliould be worked up by this drug to a belief, that the delirium caufed by it was 
 a realconverfatioti; when we fee Don Quixote by die mere force of a heated 
 imagination, without the affiftance of any opiate, fall afleep in the cave of Mon- 
 tefinos, and relate as aftually feen by him, what the warmth of his fimcy fuggefted ' 
 to him only in a dream. 
 
 Line 197. Sebaftian King of Portugal, a man of great courage and zeal for 
 religion, landed at Tangier in the year 1575, with an army confifting of tiie 
 flower of Portugal, and gave battle to the Moors, in which he was totally de- 
 feated, Diligent fearch was made after his body, but it could not be found in 
 6 the 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 207 
 
 On furer prophecies you build your faith ; 
 
 Nor part I hence to exile or to death, 200 
 
 Like Regulus amidft th' oppofing fears 
 
 Of friends, of kindred, and the fenate's tears ; ' 
 
 Nor like Lycurgus, in his country's caufe, 
 
 His life devoting to enforce his laws. 
 
 Nor fhall your Chief a baffled wretch return, 205 
 
 An outcaft loaded with reproach and fcorn ; 
 
 But rich in glories, honour'd and adored. 
 
 And more than mortal, to your arms reftored. 
 
 He faid, and penfive preft the founding fliore. 
 While the waves foam beneath their brufhing oar. 21 
 
 Twelve tedious months, with painful fteps and flow,^ 
 Thro* a long feries of opprobrious woe, 
 Naked and pennylefs, in unknown lands. 
 He ate his bitter bread, the alms of ftrangers hands. 
 
 But now, with lighter wings the moments fly, 215 
 
 And bring the period of his labours nigh. 
 In Munster's walls, afliduous fate prepares, 
 With endlefs honours to reward his cares. 
 MuNSTER, which gave th' illuftrions father birth, 
 Shall now be confcious of the filial worth. 220 
 
 In 
 
 the field of battle. The Portuguefe have continually expeded his return ever 
 fince ; and even at this day are not without hopes of ieeiug him again on tlie 
 throne. Vafconcellos, in his hiftory of Portugal, gives an account of his appear- 
 ance at Venice in 1595, and afterwards lufTering great indignities from the 
 Spaniards. 
 
 Line an. Twelve tedious months, &c.] See note on line X20. 
 
208 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 In this, his future glorj*s deftined fcene. 
 The great Adepts in Hermes' art convene, 
 Who boaft, with vain fallacious fcience bold, 
 To change each bafer ore to pureft gold. 
 
 But ne'er Avill righteous heav'n its gifts impart 225 
 
 To the corrupted and ungrateful heart, 
 Where lawlefs lull and wild ambition reign, 
 And pride and bafe infatiate thirft of gain. 
 Hence, all in vain, they bring their boafted Hone, 
 In vain their powdei's on the mafs are thrown. 230 
 
 Their weak attempts the jufter fates oppofe, 
 And unmatured, unchanged the metal flows. 
 Then one advancing, who poffeft alone, 
 A fluid extract from th' all-pow'rful ftone. 
 Three fatal drops amid the furnace fpills : 235 
 
 The liquid mafs a fudden vapour fills. 
 By quick dilation ; and with dreadful found. 
 Exploded, drives the glowing metal round. 
 
 The fearful omen all the fabric fliook. 
 When thus the race of great Bombastus fpoke : 240 
 
 Oh! 
 
 Line 223. Tfho boaji, zcith vain fallacious fcience bold.] Here it is declared, 
 ihatfficnce is deceitful and inl'utficlent^ that human means will avail nothing to 
 the perfeftion of the great work; that it can only be procured by the ftridie'il 
 puritj' of manners, and the moll fervent devotion. 
 
 Line 240. Paracelfus Bombaftus fucceeded fo furprifingly with his chymical 
 medicines, that he endeavoured to bring the flow effedls of the Galenical practice 
 entirely into diirepute ; and was fo e'ated with the fuccefs of his art, as to boaft 
 that he could keep a man alive by his medicines for many ages. 
 
BOOK THE riFTPI. 209 
 
 Oh ! why, my friends, for this divine effay, 
 Why have you chofe this unaufpicious day ? 
 'Twere wifer fure your trials to poftpone 
 Till the laft eve of frowning Mars be gone. 
 Your cares fufpended till the rifing dawn, 245 
 
 By profp'rous Venus, uflier'd o'er the lawn, . 
 Shall fure fucceed : for on that facred morn 
 Was great Basilius Valentinus born. 
 With folemn rites invoke his learned fliade, 
 So may his genius your projection aid. 250 
 
 Thus 
 
 Line 241. Oh! why ] This fpeech of the defcendant of Paracelfus, very 
 much refem))lcs that of Antinous after the fruitlefs attempt to bend Ulyffes's 
 bow. 
 
 -_- That no man draws 
 
 The wondrous bote, attend another caufe. 
 
 Sacred to Phoebus is the folemn day 
 
 Which thoughllefs we in games would zeajle axeay. 
 
 Till the next dozen this ill-timed Jirife forego, 
 
 And here leavefix'd the ringlets in a row. 
 
 Now bid the Seer approach, and let usjoin 
 
 In due libations, arid in rites divine. 
 
 So end our night : before the dayjiiallfpring, 
 
 The choicejl offerings let Melanthus bring. 
 
 Let then to Vhoihvii name the fatted thighs 
 
 Feed the richfmokes, high-curling to thejkies. 
 
 Sojhull the patron ofthefe aSls bejlow , 
 
 ( For his the gift) thejMll to bend the bow. i 
 
 Pope's Odyss. B. 21. 
 
 Line 244. Till the lajl eve of frowning Mars be gone."] The months of March 
 and April were by Romulus confecraled to Mars and Venus, and named from 
 them. 
 
 Line 248. Bafilius Valentinus was born on the firft of April. 
 
 E E 
 
210 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Thus far the Sage, when loud applaufes rung 
 In glad afTent, from each approving tongue. 
 To feaftful mirth thej dedicate the night, 
 And hail the morning with the folemn rite. 
 
 That night, fo Fate decreed, Scriblerus gains 2S5 
 
 The facred grove on Munster's neighb'ring plains. 
 There ftretcht at eafe, his wearied limbs he laid, 
 And flept unconfcious of the friendly fliade. 
 
 Lo ! ere the morn difpenfed her earlieft light. 
 Great Plutus' form, confpicuous to the fight, S60 
 
 Before him flood, and thus his fpeech addreft : 
 Thrice happy Sage, by fav'ring fortune bleft. 
 On this aufpicious morn th' unw^earied fun 
 His annual courfe around the globe has run. 
 Since parting from thy friends on Genoa's fands, £65 
 
 Thou trod'ft with toilforae fteps a length of barren lands. 
 Arife, and thro' the grove purfue thy way : 
 Obferve the courfe of yon propitious ray : 
 That fplendid guide iliall lead thee to the flow'r 
 Whofe root alone can boaft th' aurific power. 270 
 
 But, left thou doubt, or think the promife vain. 
 Soon as Aurora glads th' enlighten'd plain, 
 
 A goofe 
 
 Liae 253. On this uiifpiciotis morn.'] By this accuracy of the poet, we learn 
 the very day on which Scriblerus and his friends both fet out on their refpedlive 
 defigns, viz. the firft of April. An accuracy obfervable only in the beft poets,. 
   vide Virgil. B. 5. 1. 46. 
 
 Annuus exaclis completur menfibus orbis 
 
 Ilatid equidem fine mente reor,fine numim Divunu 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 211 
 
 A goofe majeftic o'er the lake fliall ride, 
 And thirty milk-white goflins by her fide. 
 
 Be thy chief care Avith facrifice t' affwage, 275 
 
 And humble off'rings, injur'd Saturn's rage. 
 Nor lefs due honours to my pow'r belong, 
 Sele6led vidlims and a grateful fong. 
 That god am I, whofe univerfal fway 
 
 All nations own, and willing all obey. 280 
 
 Tho' not from heav'n I boaft my honour'd birth,. 
 Yet ever deareft to the fons of earth. 
 He faid, and difappear'd ; when from the ground, 
 The Hero ftarting, caft his eyes around. 
 
 Lo! all-propitious to his raptured fight, 285 
 
 An iGNis-FATUUS, with portentous light. 
 From the dank earth exhaled, began to move : 
 His courfe directing thro' the dufky grove. 
 With zeal the Sage revered th' aufpicious ray, 
 And toil'd intrepid thro' the thorny way. 290 
 
 At length the vapour ftopt. With eager eyes, 
 AAvhile he view'd, then feized the matchlefs prize. 
 The matchlefs prize its confcious leaves expands. 
 Springs to the fated touch and meets his hands. 
 
 Line 273. See note on line 129. 
 
 Line 279. That God am /.] 
 
 Egofum plena quern Jiumine cernis 
 Caruleus Tibris, ccelo gratijfimus amnis. 
 E E 2 
 
 And 
 
1 
 
 2l£ THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 And now the rofy morn began to dawn : 295 
 
 He quits the grove and iffues on the lawn ; 
 When wond'rous to relate ! a ftrange portent 
 Gives freth affurance of the wifli'd event. 
 He fees the ftately goofe in fwan-like pride 
 The fdver lake with oarj feet divide ; \ 300 
 
 And thirty milk-white goflins by her fide. 
 Infpir'd with grateful zeal he haftes to feize 
 The goodly prey, and to the gods decrees. 
 
 When lo ! the dying vidims plaints alarm 
 The mournful fliores and reach the ncighb'ring farm ; 305 
 Their well-known voice the ftartled Sylvia hears, 
 And flies, impell'd by fad prophetic fears. 
 
 This flock the Virgin cherifli'd with her care, 
 With pens protected from the evening air; 
 
 Each 
 
 Line. 297. a ftrange portent.'] Thus ViugiL;, L. 8. 
 
 Ecce aiitem fubitum ulque ocuHs mirabile monftrum 
 Candida per Sylvam, ^c. 
 
 Line 299. See note on line 129. 
 
 Line 308. This flock, ^c] This refembles the defcription of the flag whick 
 caufes the fcuffle in the 7II1 B. of Virgil. 
 
 Their ftfter Sylvia cheriJKd with her care • 
 The little zeanton, and did wreaths prepare^ 
 To hang his budding horns. 
 He waited at his inafter's board for- food, 
 Then fought his falvage kindred in the wood ; 
 Where grazing all the day, at night he came 
 To his known lodgings and his country dame. 
 
 Dbyden. 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 213 
 
 Each morning from her hand they ate their food, 3 1 
 
 Then fought their cackUng kindred on the flood ; 
 
 There bathing all the day, at night they came 
 
 To their known lodgings, and their Country Dame. 
 
 Now all alarm'd, flie haftes to their relief: 
 But oh ! what language can exprefs her grief, 315 
 
 When fhe, like wretched Niobe, beheld 
 Her hopes all welt'ring on th' enfanguin'd field ! 
 Yet foon her forrow yields to nobler rage. 
 And furious flie attacks th' aflonifli'd Sage. 
 Frequent and thick her defperate blows flie deals ; 32,0 , 
 
 Beneath her arm the ftagger'd champion reels.. 
 Again the maiden lifts her vengeful hands, 
 But now prepared the bold Scriblerus ftands ; 
 With watchful eyes he wards the threatened blow ; 
 And ftrives to grapple with his active foe> 325 
 
 Artful flie baffles his fuperior might. 
 And doubtful .holds the fortune of the fight. 
 
 So fought the Thracian Amazons of old. 
 While tinged with virgin blood Thermodon roll'd. 
 Such and fo brave was great Alcides feen, 33.0 
 
 When dauntlefs he engaged the Maiden Queen. 
 
 The bold virago her dread arm extends ; 
 Full on his cheek the weighty blow dgfcends. 
 Crufli'd with the fl;roke, his fliatter'd jaws refound ; 
 And his loofe teeth fall frequent to the ground. 335 
 
 Firmi 
 
214 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Firm and unmoved the Hero keeps the field, 
 
 And bold Avith pafTive valour, fcorns to yield: 
 
 At length obferving her defencelefs Avaift, 
 
 Th' unguarded virgin in his arras embraced ; 
 
 His griping arms her ftruggling limbs confine, 340 
 
 And on the plain the Heroine falls fiipine. 
 
 ScRiBLERUS fiallowing, the fall'n maiden prefl;, 
 
 And proftrate lay, vi6torious on her breaft. 
 Thus fage Ulysses, for his art renown'd, 
 
 O'erturn'd the fl;rength of Ajax on the ground : 345 
 
 He fliook the yielding earth, an helplefs load, 
 1 he vi6tor chief his giant limbs beftrode. 
 Thus as he lay, the Sage triumphant fpoke : 
 
 Behold how fate, by one decifive ftroke. 
 To me the laurels of the day ordains ; 250 
 
 To thee fubjedlion and opprobrious chains ; 
 To thee the laws of combat to fulfil. 
 The vanquifli'd yielding to the victor's will. 
 Thus was the chafl:e Hippolyte compelled 
 To the proud foe her virgin charms to yield. 355 
 
 And 
 
 Line 344. Iliad 23.] Ajax, in the games wreftling with Ulyffes, lifts him from 
 
 the ground. 
 
 tliat time {j\y&s found 
 
 The Jlrength f evade, and where the nerves combine, 
 
 His ancle Jlrook : the giant fell fupine : 
 
 Uiyfl'es following, on his hofom lies ; 
 
 Shouts of' applaufe run rattling thro' the Jkies. 
 
 Pope's Odyssey. 
 
 Line 355. To the proud foe.} Thefeus. 
 
BOOK THE FIFTH. 215 
 
 And thus each llouteft Amazonian Dame, 
 Refign'd her beauties to the Conqu'rors flame, 
 
 Yet not my heart thefe vanities infpire. 
 Nor fenfual burns my breaft "with lawlefs fire, 
 Or knoAvs my chafter foul a thought fo bafe, 360 
 
 To force thee helplefs to a lewd embrace. 
 Not thus the Sage his great purfuit attains : 
 But endlefs travel, and incefiant pains, 
 Severeft abftinence from ev'ry joy, 
 Muft all his thoughts engage, and all his hours employ. 365 
 
 Then rife a fpotlefs virgin from my arms. 
 And bear unrifled hence thy maiden charms. 
 
 Thus, 
 
 Line 362. Not thus the fage his great purfuit attains.'] Subtle the Alchyraiflj 
 when he finds Sir Epicure Mammon with Doll Common, cries out : 
 
 No marvel 
 
 If I found check in our great work within. 
 When fuch affairs as thefe were managing. 
 
 Mam. Why, have you fo? 
 
 Sub. It has ftood ftill this half hour. This '11 retard 
 
 The work a month at leaft. Mam. Why, if it do. 
 What remedy ? but think it not, good father; 
 Our purpofes were honed. Sub. As the}' were 
 So the reward will prove. 
 
 Face enters. O, Sir, we are defeated ! all the works 
 
 Are flown in fumo : ev'ry glafs is burft, &c. &c. 
 
 Ar.cH.A6t 4. 
 
 Line 366. Then rife a fpotlefs"] When a young fellow, juft come from the play 
 of Cleo'menes, told Mr. Uryden, in raillery againft the continency of his princi- 
 pal chara<Sler, If I had been alone with a lady, I fliould not have paffed my time 
 like your Spartan : That may be, anfwered the bard, with a very grave face ; but 
 give me leave to tell you, fir, you are no hero. 
 
216 THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 Thus, gracious, the felf-conquer'd conqu'ror fpoke, 
 And by the hand the trembhng maiden took. 
 Her foulpoffeft, at once, with grief and rage 370 
 
 She flies, regardlefs of th' affiduous Sage, 
 Springs from his grafp, and feeks the thickeft grove, 
 Like fullen Dido from her faithlefs Love. 
 The borders of the lucid lake he feeks, 
 And haftes to cleanfe his blood-polluted cheeks. 375 
 
 Now Phoebus, o'er the lofty mountain's height. 
 Pours on fair Munster's tow'rs his golden light. 
 ScRiBLERUs hails the birth-place of his lire, 
 And joy and filial love his foul infpire. 
 
 END OF THE FirXH BOOK. 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK VI. 
 
 F 1? 
 
ARGUMENT. 
 
 ScBiBLEEVS meets with the fon of Faustus the Alchymift, who invites 
 him to his houfe. Faustus explains to him the caufe of their feftival, and 
 relates the hiftory of Basilitjs Valenttnus. The Alchymifts are again 
 baffled in their attempt to tranfmute the lead. Scriblerus defires to make 
 a trial ; is refufed on account of his mean appearance, but difcovering his 
 name and family, is admitted with honour to the furnace. He foon obtains a 
 colour, which fuccefs is received with univerfal applaufe. They contend who 
 fliall pay him the greateft refpecSt, and eagerly embrace the propofal of Bos- 
 81US to beatify him. The Hero, by a prefentiment, is aware of the accidents 
 that may happen at this important criiis, and advifes to poftpone the honour* 
 defigned him 'till the great work be fully accompliflied, left vanity, which 
 already begins to poflefs his mind, fhould flop the progrefs of it, and perhaps 
 entirely difappoint their expedtations. His fpeech is interrupted by their 
 enthufiaftic zeal, and they immediately proceed to beatification. And now the 
 Poet having conduced Scriblerus through a feries of adventures, with fuc- 
 cefs beyond the expeftation of a mortal, concludes his poem with the Apo- 
 theofis of his Hero. 
 
 H/ 
 
THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 BOOK THE SIXTH. 
 
 THUS, wrapt in thought, the Hero trod the plain, 
 When, fudden, rufliing from the hills amain, 
 A youthful fportsman flies with rapid pace, 
 And, o'er the lawn, purfues his infe6l chace. 
 A waiftcoat of the thinneft lilk he wore, 5 
 
 And in his hand, of flighteft texture, bore 
 A curious net, whofe meflies light and rare 
 Scarce flione diftinguilh'd from th' unbodied air. 
 And now the plain s remoteft verge he treads, 
 Now, nigh the Sage, the chace his footileps leads ; 10 
 
 Now in his flender toils he holds the prey. 
 And joyful to Scriblerus bends his way. 
 Stranger, contemplate well, with earneft eyes, 
 Eager he calls, this paragon of flies. 
 
 Obferve him o'er; and tell if thou hafl; feen, 15 
 
 Or on the trees, or on the level green. 
 His pregnant mate, the precious infe£t fliow. 
 And claim whate'er my bounty can beftow. 
 
 IF 2 O ! youth, 
 
22© THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 O ! youth, the Sage rephes, nor have I feen 
 Or on the trees, or on the level green, 20 
 
 The pregnant confort of your beauteous game, 
 Nor aught, tho' needy, from your bounty claim. 
 Yet oh ! vouchfafe one hofpitable boon. 
 Declare the name of yon majeftic town. 
 And point the way. To Munster's proud abode, 25 
 
 The youth replies, companion of the road 
 Myfelf thy fteps will guide. Be thou my gueft : 
 For fure fome fecret pow'r informs my breaft 
 Thou draw'ft thy lineage from no vulgar race. 
 And thro' thy rags a godlike mien I trace. SO 
 
 From far-fam'd anceftors my birth I claim, 
 A glorious lineage ! Faustus is my name. 
 My great exploits th' Aurelian fages fliow. 
 Their walls refplendent with my labours glow- 
 Propitious Hermes to my fire imparts 35 
 The greateft, nobleft of all human arts. 
 Obedient Vulcan owns his high commands, 
 Nor chanceful Proteus can elude his hands. 
 
 '&^ 
 
 He 
 
 Line 19.] Nulla tuarum audita mihi neque vifa fororum. Virg. 1. 1. 
 
 Line 33. Aurelian Sages.'] -A butterfly in one of its ftates is called an Aurelia, 
 which name, for its foundj was chofen to diilinguilh the fociety of butterfly 
 catchers at Munfler. 
 
 Line 37. Obedient Vulcan.'] Fire is the great in{lriiment by which the chy- 
 mifts perform all their operations. Chymifts are called philofophers by fire. 
 
 BOERHAAVE. 
 
 Line 38. Nor changeful Proteus can elude his hands.] This hne will beft be 
 
 •xplained by firll reciting the following lines of Milton : 
 
 6 That 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. sal 
 
 He faid : his words the Hero's breaft inflame ; 
 But chief, O Faustus, thy aufpicious name, 4© 
 
 Sure prefage of fuccefs. With ftreaming eyes. 
 His joys diflembhng, thus the Sage replies. 
 
 Thrice bounteous youth, my grateful thanks receive, 
 Tis all alas I that poverty can give. 
 
 Once 
 
 Thatjlone, or like to that which here below 
 Philofophtrs in vainfo long have fought, 
 In vain, tho' by their powerful art they bind 
 , Volatile Hermes^ and call up unbound. 
 
 In various Jhapcs, old VioXjensfrom thefea, 
 Drain'd thro' a limbeck to his naked form. 
 
 Lord Bacon, in his explanation of the heathen Mythology, by him entitled 
 The Wifdom of the Ancients, informs us that by Proteus is fignified matter. He 
 is called up from the fea, becaufe the operations and difpenfations of matter 
 are chiefly exercifed in hquid bodies. If, fays he, any expert minifter of Nature 
 (meaning a chymift) fhall encounter matter by main force, vexing and urging 
 her with intent to reduce her to nothing ; fhe changes and turns herfelf into 
 various forms and fliapes of things, till at length Ihe comes to a period, and 
 betakes herfelf to her former being. See Wisd. Ant. Proteus. 
 
 Line 40. But chief, O Fauftus, thy aufpicious name,. 
 Sure prefage of fuccefs.'] 
 
 The ancients always looked upon the firft thing they met, when about any ext- 
 terprize, as an omen. Thus Virg. Quatuor hie, primum omen equos. To meet a 
 man with a good name was reckoned fortunate, and a great encouragement to an 
 adventure. A lucky name was efteemed a bleffing to the perfon that bore it; 
 and feveral have therefore adopted them. From hence the doftrine of onomo- 
 mancy prevailed. Plato earneftly recommends the choice of happy names : and the 
 Pythagoreans taught exprefsly, that the minds, actions, and fucceffes of men, 
 were greatly influenced by their names. Thus the proverb : Bonum nomen bonum 
 omen. In lujlranda colonia ab eo qui earn deduceret, Sf cum imperator exercittim, 
 cenfor populum lujirant bonis nominibus, qui hojlias ducerent, eligebantur. Quod 
 idem in dele&u confules obfervant, ut primus milts fiat bono nomine. Cicero 
 DK DiviN.lib. 1.. 
 
2?2 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Once happier days were mine ; and not the leaft 45 
 
 In Hermes' art, was known your wretched gueft; 
 
 And O ! were now fome chymic tafk aflign'd, 
 
 The god would ftill fupport th' induftrious mind. 
 
 To temper lute ; the never-dying flame 
 
 To tend, affiduous as the \ eftal dame, 50 
 
 With muffled face corroding fumes to dare, 
 
 Nor pounded poifon's fubtleft atoms fear. 
 
 Not undeferving would I eat my bread. 
 
 An idle loit'rer on your bounty fed. 
 
 ScRiBi^ERUS thus difguised his promised fate, 55 
 
 And now they reach great Faustus' friendly gate. 
 When thus the courteous youth his Sire addrefl; : 
 Difdain not to receive this ftranger gueft, 
 Tho' mean the garb which wraps the man of woe, 
 Tho' thus he roam a mendicant in fliow. 60 
 
 Oft, like the fun behind fome duflcy cloud, 
 Is Learning known her radiant head to (hroud 
 In tatter'd robes ; and frequent have we feen 
 Ev'n wit, affecting a negle6led mien. 
 
 In rags like thefe, all fpecious pomp abjured, 65 
 
 Chufe to refide ; his glory unobfcured. 
 
 Stranger, 
 
 Line 53. (5f fupra."] Thus Ulyffes in the fame difguife, defires to be employed in 
 fome menial office, and profeffes his {kill in kindling a fire, broiling a fteak, or 
 frothing a cup of drink. Odyssey, B. 15. 
 
 Line 66.'] Chufe to refide ; his glory wiobfcur'd.l A Ime from Milton's Para- 
 dise Lost. 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 223 
 
 Stranger, the Sire replies, in happy hour 
 Thou com'ft, direded by fome fav nng pow'r. 
 Propitious Venus fped thee on thy way 
 To ftiare the triumphs of this glorious day 7© 
 
 Sacred to fcience and to feftal mirth, 
 The day which gave the great Basilius birth. 
 Free and unqueftion'd enter, and prepare 
 The due libation and the folemn prayer. 
 Or if thy curions bofora burn to hear 7& 
 
 Why thus Basilius' mem'ry we revere; 
 Or why to his diftinguifli'd ihade belong 
 The hallow'd vidim and the votive fong, 
 Attend. To this illuftrious Sage were known 
 The long-fought virtues of the wond'rous ftone, 80 
 
 Potent the fleeting fpirit to reftore. 
 Or to pure gold convert the bafer ore. 
 Thus had th' adept prolong'd his niggard fpan. 
 Thus had he liv'd immortal, tho' a Man. 
 But wayward fortune takes a fpleenful joy 85 
 
 The wifeft fchemes of mortals to deftroy. 
 
 The Sage, long wafted with confuming cares^ 
 His body bending with a weight of years. 
 When now he felt the tyrant hand of death. 
 Thus to his fon addreft his lateft breath : gO^ 
 
 With 
 
 Line 79.] Thishiftory of Bafilius Valentinus, introduced here in the manner of 
 the ftory of Cacus, in the 8th book of Virgil, is related in the Spectatob^ 
 No. 436. 
 
824 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 With painful watching and inceffant pray'r, 
 Nine tedious months I laboured to prepare 
 The precious drops this chryftal vafe contains, 
 The rich reward of all my wafting pains. 
 Now mark, my fon, and with attentive ear, 95 
 
 The virtues of our great Elixir hear. 
 
 When haft'ning age the call of fate obeys, 
 When the foul fickens, and the fenfe decays, 
 When all the weakened organs lofe their tone, 
 The nerves relax'd, th' elaftic vigour gone, 100 
 
 When ev'n the life-blood ftagnates in my heart, 
 Soon as thou feeft my lateft breath depart, 
 Within my lips the facred med'cine pour ; 
 The draught vivific fhall my foul reftore ; 
 Courfe thro' the veins, the fprings of life renew, 1 05 
 
 And ev'ry nerve with a6tive force endue. 
 So may your pious gratitude beftow 
 On me the life which to your Sire you owe ; 
 And when thy foul obeys the call of fate, 
 To thee the precious gift will I repeat. 110 
 
 Thus may we oft renew the mutual boon, 
 Thus lofe the names of Father and of Son. 
 
 He faid, and funk to death. Th' unduteous boy, 
 Drunk with delufive hopes of worldly joy. 
 And ftill miftruftful of his Sire's controul, 115 
 
 Checks ev'ry thought of duty in his foul. 
 
 To 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 225 
 
 To common earth commits the lifelefs corfe, 
 Nor hears great nature's call, or feels remoife. 
 
 And now he haftes new pleafures to explore ; 
 Some new expence to vent his endlefs ftore. 1£0 
 
 From vice to vice, with taftelefs ardour roves, 
 And cloy'd, ere night rejeds his morning loves. 
 
 A fon he had ; Renatus was he nam'd : 
 Tranfmittcd vice his genuine birth proclaimed. 
 No generous paffion warm'd his brutal breaft, 125 
 
 But bafeft av'rice all his foul pofleft. 
 Sufpicion, which in vicious minds fupplies 
 Bright wifdom's poft, and points the jealous eyes. 
 Directs the Sire his fordid foul to fcan, 
 Who thus prepared his artful fpeech began. 130 
 
 Thou know'ft, my fon, thy Grandfire's virtues claim 
 An ample tribute from the voice of fame. 
 And oft have I confeft this plenteous tide 
 Of endlefs treafure by his art fupply'd. 
 
 Yet one important fecret ftill remains ; 135 
 
 One bleft attainment of his pious pains. 
 
 'Twas on an hallow'd and aufpicious hour, 
 When thus, infpired by ftrange prophetic pow'r, 
 The great Basilius fpake: 
 
 Behold the yellow Lion fhall go forth, 140 
 
 A potent monarch from the frozen North : 
 
 The 
 
 Line 140. Behold the yellow lion.'] There is a great refemblance bet wee a 
 this rapture of Balilius, and the famous prophecy of Paracelfus, publiflied by 
 
 G G Glauber* 
 
226 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The fwift-wing'd eagle from his claws fliall fly. 
 
 The griffon fliall but fee his face and die : 
 
 The crow, cameleon, and the dragon's blood, 
 
 Mixt with the virgin's milk fliall be his food ; 1 45 
 
 The falamander fliall his rule obey : 
 
 i\nd all the fons of earth fliall own his fway. 
 
 Thus he by figurative figns expreil 
 The truths that roll'd tumultuous in his breaft. 
 
 With 
 
 Glauber, in his profperity of Germany, where may be feen his explanation 
 of it. 
 
 Now follows the moft potent lion and monarch of the North ; to whom 
 ' none in the world may be compared, nor did ever any excel him in glory and 
 power 
 
 A yellow lion fliall come out of the North, which fliall be a perfecutor 
 of the eagle, and at length its conqueror. 
 
 Line 143. The griffon.'] Though Glauber's explanation be intelligible only 
 to an adept, yet we may fee, that by the fight of the lion and eagle he meiiiis 
 the digeftion of two bodies in a chymical procefs, which produce a third, which 
 is called a griffon, being part lion and part eagle. 
 
 Line 148. Thus he by Jigurative figns.'] The Arabians, who firft treated of 
 alchymy, delivered their precepts in hieroglyphics, and figurative expreflions. 
 This practice has been continued ever fince. 
 
 The expofitor of Ripley's Hermetico-poetical works, fays, 
 
 ' Our books are full ofobfcurity, and philofophers write horrid metaphors and 
 
 * riddles to thofe who are not upon a furc bottom, and do not difoern the fub- 
 ' je<St matter of our fecrets ; whicli being known, the reft is not fo hiud.' We 
 will fubjoin his expoiition on the following line : 
 
 jFbr kind unto kind hath appetitive inclination. 
 
 ' We join kind with kind, for nature is mended and retained with its 
 ' own nature : for this caule is our king wedded to the water-bearer's daughter; 
 ' of which water-bearer I told you that his body, his pitcher, and the water i,n 
 
 * it, are all one; and his daughter was the queen which arofe out of the water; 
 « in which wa& feen a lamp burning. Wonder not at it, that a queen fliould 
 
 6 '- fpring 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 227 
 
 With praj'r and fafting then the holy man 150 
 
 The facred heav'n-diredted work began. 
 
 Nine months within the womb of time it lay ; 
 At length began its glories to difplay. 
 
 Then fpake the lab 'ring Sage : my fon, attend : 
 Learn thy conception, and thy wond'rons end. 155 
 
 On that aufpicious ever-honoured morn ' 
 
 Wafl thou conceived, on which thy Sire was born. 
 The fun himfelf prefided at thy birth ; 
 Nor fhall thy body turn to common earth. 
 
 ' The 
 
 ' fpring out of a water-bearer's loins : for the king is alfo his fon, and he is 
 ' greater than both. The king enjoys more riches than his father ; bjit the 
 
 * father hath the key of a clofet, in which is weaitli enough for all ia tiie king- 
 
 * dom, to make every fubjecl as rich as tlie king ; but the difpofe of this wealth 
 ' the king only is to have ; yet can he not have it in his poffeffion till he marry 
 ' his fifter, which is the water of the pitcher invifible. This his fifter, is alfo his 
 ' mother and his father ; for it is one with water-bearer, the water and the pitcher, 
 ' as is faid. By reafon of his confanguinity, the king embraceth his filler very 
 ' defiroufly, and fhe by his embraces appears a queen, and then the water-bearer, 
 ' and his water and pitcher vanifh, and the king and qiieen remain alone ; at 
 
 * length both king and queen are drowned after the immoderate ufe of venery, 
 ' violent fweating and weeping, which fvveat and tears make one fea, in which 
 ' fwim two fifiies without flefh and bones, which after refolve and make one 
 
 * broth, which is called water permanent, 
 
 ' Thus have I fomewhat metaphorically decyphered our true principles, yet 
 
 * fo plainly as that you may with dihgence underftand the meaning,' See. Sec. 8cc, 
 
 Line 158. The fun kimfe/f prefided at tkij birth.'] The chymifts, from a fup- 
 pofed analogy, denominate their metals from the planets, and gold is by them 
 called fol. Therefore Renatus's father urges this aflertion to deceive him, as 
 not doubting but he is fufficiently flvilled in judicial aftrology, to interpret fo 
 extraordinary apiece of fortune in the manner he would have him. 
 
 G G ^ 
 
228 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 The facred influence of his virtuous ray 160 
 
 Exalts thine effence, and fubliraes thy clay. 
 
 Thy body thus prepared, thefe drops fliall fave 
 
 From foul corruption and the loathfome grave ; 
 
 Th' elixir fwallow'd ere thy corfe be cold, 
 
 Shall all thy limbs convert to pureft gold. • 1 6S 
 
 Basilius thus his wond'rous art difplay'd, 
 
 And to my hands the precious drops convey 'd. 
 
 Then, when in death, a recent corfe, I lie. 
 
 Be thine the pow'rful med'cine to apply. 
 
 Renatus heard the tale with fecret joy, 17» 
 
 And thus, with frequent tears, reply'd the boy : 
 
 Obedient, I receive thy great commands ; 
 Yet think not, that, with facrilegious hands, 
 Thy fon fliall e'er thy dear remains abufe. 
 Or profl:itute thy limbs to common ufe. 1 75 
 
 But in the confecrated h.ne beftow'd. 
 Adore at once the ftatue and the god : 
 Before thy flirine perpetual incenfe bum. 
 And filial duty to devotion turn. 
 
 Thus while he fpake, he views his father's height 1 80 
 
 With rapture, and compute's his future weight. 
 The limbs he meafures with defiring eyes, 
 Impatient to tranfmute the bulky prize. 
 
 Nor 
 
 Line 161. Exalt and fubluue are cliymical terms, which both import re- 
 fining. 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 229 
 
 Nor long laments the promised boon delay 'd, 
 
 But foon with joy the breathlefs corfe furvey'd. 185 
 
 Then, big with hope, the potent mcd'cine brought, " 
 
 And the rich drops pour'd, trembling, down his throats- 
 
 Already the rich drops their virtues prove ; ' 
 
 And half the dofe impell'd the limbs to move. 
 
 Up-rofe the body, with a fudden bound, 1 90 
 
 And dafli'd the fliiver'd chryftal on the ground. 
 
 Th' elixir loft, the corfe returns to duft. 4 
 
 Great is our ruler ; all his ways are juft. ~ , i . 
 
 Thus holy Faust us ends the wondrous tale, . • ^-   
 And all the great Basilius' fate bewail, I95 
 
 Curling his race, degenerate : then repair. 
 Regardful of the day, to fervent pray'r. 
 
 ScRiBLERUs now a crucible provides, 
 And fpreads the glowing heat around it's fides. 
 Then, placed within, the fatal root calcines ; 200 
 
 And foon his hofpitable friends rejoins. 
 
 Unwitting Faustus to his gueft declares 
 What great defigns employ their prefcnt cares. 
 Then leads him where in folemn order fate 
 Th' affembled fages of th' hermetic ftate. 205 
 
 Up-rofe the learned Paracelsus' heir, 
 And, pious, firft prefen-'d his folemn pray 'r. 
 When thus : My friends, on this aufpicious day,, 
 Let each with confidence his art effay. 
 
 Nor 
 
230 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Nor fliall your laft attempt your art controul, 2 1 o 
 
 For fure forhe pow'r prophetic tells my foul, 
 
 That long ere Hefper's radiant lamp fliall glow, 
 
 Yon mafs impure in genuine gold will floAV. 
 
 He faid : and ftraitway to the furnace pad, 
 
 And on the molten lead his powders call. 215 
 
 No change, alas ! their fancied pow'rs impart. 
 
 The boafter mourns his inefFe6tual art. 
 
 Again, in turn, advance the learned train 
 
 Their art to try, they try their art in vain. 
 
 When thus Scriblerus to the chiefs addreft 220 
 
 The fecret thoughts long-lab'ring in his breaft : 
 Ye great Adepts, thrice-honour'd Sages, hear, 
 And chief O ! Faustus, lend a fav'ring ear. 
 And O ! forgive that 'till this deftin'd hour, 
 Th' unutter'd fecret in my breaft I bore. 225 
 
 Great Plutus, patron of th' hermetic art. 
 To me has deign'd th' elixir to impart. 
 Has giv'n me to poiTefs the facred flow'r, 
 Whofe root alone can boaft th' aurific pow'r : 
 Alone tranfmuteyon mafs impure and bafe, 230 
 
 And vindicate our fcience from difgrace. 
 
 Th' Adepts in filence witnefs'd their furprize, 
 But fcann'd his garments with contemptuous eyes : 
 Till Faustus role, and in his arms embraced 
 The tatter'd fage, and near the furnace placed. 235 
 
 When 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. sSl 
 
 When thus the face of great Bombastus fpoke; 
 His haughty frame indignant anger fliook. 
 
 O ! thoughtlefs, lliall yon mendicant engage 
 This arduous tafk which baffles ev'ry fage ? 
 Shall hinds and beggars to that art afpire 240 
 
 Which foils th' attempts of Munster's learned choir? 
 But grant him with fuccefs and glory crown d, 
 To us how grateful muft his glories found ? 
 The voice of fame lliall thus our honoui's ftain, 
 " The leam'd Adepts their art effay'd in vain : 245 
 
 *' In came a Stroller of th' empyric crew, 
 " And did what all thofe fages could not do." 
 
 The Hero now difclaims his bafe difguifcy. 
 And thus with confcious dignity replies : 
 
 Behold ScRiBLERUS, no ignoble name : 250 
 
 Earth founds my wifdom, and high heav'n my fame. 
 
 So great a name amazed each hearer's breaft, 
 A reverential awe their hearts poffcfs'd. 
 
 Line 24O.J See the fpeech of Antinous. OfiYss. B. 21. line 309, 
 
 Now 
 
 Line 244.] " Behold what teretchts to the bed pretend 
 
 " Of that brave Chief whofc bow they could not bed ! 
 " In came a beggar of the Jlrollirig crezc, 
 " And did what all thofe Princes could not do." 
 Thus zcill the common voice our deed defame. 
 And thus pojieriti/ upbraid our name. 
 
 Tlie Speech of Euiyniachus. Pove's Odyss. B. 21. Iine35i, 
 
 Line 250.] See Pope's Odyss. B. 9. BeJiold Ulyfles, ^c. 
 
232 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Now on the Sage their eager eyes they bent ; 
 
 And, all-fufpended, wait the great event. 255 
 
 Thus as they flood around, Scriblerus fpread 
 
 The pow'rful aflies on the molten lead. 
 
 Soon the dull inafs affumed a nobler hue ; 
 
 With fudden change the heighten'd colours grew. 
 , Now Luna Ihines M'ith pallid radiance bright, 260 
 
 Now Sol begins to dart his ruddy light ; 
 
 Scriblerus' praife employ 'd each raptured tongue. 
 
 And all around the loud applaufes rung. 
 
 Then thus the Sage the learn'd Adepts addrefs'd : 
 . As yet ye fee but half my art exprefs'd : 265 
 
 for know, this precious med'cine boafts the pow'r 
 
 The fleeting life, departed, to rellore. 
 
 Tho' cold and breathiefs at my feet ye lay. 
 
 My potent art fliould animate your clay ; 
 
 Nay more, to youth recall the drooping fire, " 270 
 
 And in his nerves infufe their priftine fire. 
 
 O ! would fome Sage, th' elixir's force to try. 
 
 Here in the caufe of fcience bravely die. 
 
 Science 
 
 Line 260. Now Luna.'] In the language of the chymiftsj Luna denotes filver, 
 and So/ gold. See note on line 158. . 
 
 Line 270. Nai/ more, to youth.'] ' StriSio Medea recludit 
 
 Ltife ferns jugulum : veteremque exire cruorem 
 Paj)a replet fuccis. Quos pojlquam combibit jEfon 
 Aut ore aceeptos aut vufnere ; barba comaque 
 Canitie pofita nigrum rapuere colorem, &;c. 
 
 Ovid's Metam. B. 6. line 285. 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 233 
 
 Science fliould foon reftore his yielded breath, 
 
 And claim her martyr from the jaws of death. 275 
 
 Scarce had he fpoke when all with eager ftrife, 
 
 Stretch their bare throats and pant to meet the knife» 
 
 When lo ! a cafuift from the croud arofe, 
 Tlieir rafli defigns, by reas'ning to oppofe. 
 With cited cafes, points, quotations, faws, ' 280 
 
 Expounds Avhat confcience wills, and what the laws. 
 If man fliall murder man ; the laws decide 
 The punifliment decreed on homicide. 
 And this muft follow, if the lawyers plead. 
 That tho' reftor'd, the man in facft was dead. '285 
 
 If to your throats yourfelves the weapon guide, 
 Th' indictment then will lie for fuicide. 
 O ! think how dreadful at the bar to Aand, 
 For your own death by your own defp'rate hand ? 
 What fliame, what horror fliall your bofoms fliake 290 
 
 Condemn'd alive to feel the piercing Hake ! 
 
 The cafuift's words the ftagger'd croud divide ; 
 When calmly thus the thoughtful man reply 'd : 
 On this bleft day no human blood be flied, 
 This day to fcicnce and to mirth decreed. 295 
 
 No, rather let an aged cow be brought. 
 While, careful, I prepare the potent draught. 
 
 H H Unfcrup'lous 
 
234 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Unfcrap'lous will we drain her torpid blood. 
 
 And foon renew the meliorated flood. 
 
 Long ere the fun completes his daily round, 300 
 
 A frifliing calf fliall o'er the meadows bound. 
 
 Thus pow'rful Colchis drench'd the feeble ram, 
 
 And from the cauldron leapt a wanton lamb. 
 
 Now crown'd with wreaths an aged cow they bring, 
 While fliouts of joy from every quarter ring. 305 
 
 Not in more pomp, with myftic garlands drefs'd, 
 March'd Apis, ufher'd by the Memphian priefl. 
 
 Ker aged veins, impatient, they divide. 
 And drain, at length, her flowly-ebbing tide. 
 They pour the medicine, bind the weeping wound, 310 
 
 And leave her corfe extended on the ground, 
 
 Confiding 
 
 lAiye 301 . ^ frijking calf.\ — — Qui maximus tevo 
 Dux gregis inter ores, agnns medicamine fiet. 
 ' tener auditur medio balatus ahcno. 
 
 Nee mora : balatum mirantibus, exilit agnus, 
 Lafcivitque fugd. Ov. Metam. B, VI. line 310. 
 
 Line 314. Then Boffwis Jpake.'] M. Bofe publiftied a treatife De Eletftricitate 
 Inflanimante 8c Beatificante. In this work he tells us, that having prepared 
 large tubs of pitch, and placed a perfon on them, ' In a little time a glimmering 
 
 * light of a gold colour arifes from the pitch, and waves about the feet. Thence 
 
 * it afcends to the knees, and at lad reaches the head, and encompafles the 
 ' whole perfon with a glory, which is a lively reprcfentation of that border of. 
 '■ light, which adorns the pi(Stures of faints.' 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 235 
 
 Confiding in the draught. Again they raife 
 Their voice in rapture to Scriblerus' praife. 
 
 Then Bossius fpake : Sure Heav'n my foul infpires, 
 And prompts me to excite th' eledtric fires. 3 1 5 
 
 Raife then, my friends, the well-conftru(9;ed ftage, 
 There, placed on high, beatify the Sage, 
 Stripped of thefe rags unfeemly to the fight. 
 And cloath'd with radiance and celeftial light. 
 
 He faid. His words the pleased aflembly caught, 320 
 
 Who foon, obedient to his dictates, brought 
 Of pitch and rofin an enormous mafs : , ' 
 
 Six ample globes, and fix vaft tubes of glafs. 
 From thefe th' Adepts a myftic fl;ru(9;ure made ; 
 And in the midfl; the great Scriblerus laid 325 
 
 In naked majefl;y, tremendous fight ! 
 Then hafl;e to execute the folemn rite. 
 Yet ere they fill the chorus of his praife, 
 Thus fpake the man long versed in fortune's ways. 
 
 Alas ! my friends, forbear this rafh defign, 330 
 
 Nor crown a mortal with rewards divine. 
 
 I fear this premature, this thoughtlefs joy 
 
 Has raised a vice our triumphs to defl^roy. 
 
 Yes, 
 
 Line 322.] Pitch and rofin prevent the eleilric force from being diffipated by 
 communication of contadl with non-ele6lric bodies. 
 
 Line 333. Has rais'd a Dice.] See B. 5. 1. 171. 
 
 Let humble thoughts thi/ vanity controul. 
 H H S 
 
236 THE SCRIBLERIAD: 
 
 Yes, I confefs myfelf have felt its pow'r, 
 
 The haplefs vidim of this fatal hour. 335 
 
 I, whom in vain, Ambition ftrove to move, 
 
 And baffled Luft, befide yon confcious grove : 
 
 Whom not all-conqu' ring Luxury could gain, 
 
 Whom fordid Avarice aflTail'd in vain. 
 
 O Vanity, thovi fixt and lingering gueft, 340 
 
 Thou laft of vices in the noble breaft ! 
 Who like the worm within the fpecious rind, 
 Prey 'ft undifcover'd on the faireft mind 
 
 Thus fpake the moral Sage ; but thoughtlefs They 
 Whirl the loud wheel, and tune the lofty lay. 345 
 
 Impetuous zeal with wild unruly noife, 
 Breaks on his fpeech, and drowns his fapient voice. 
 
 And now the glafs by ftrong attrition urged, 
 Firft the foul atmofphere around him purged. 
 Then at the Hero's feet began to play 350 
 
 A flame more brilliant than the folar ray. 
 The golden beams afcending now embraced 
 Th' illuftrious Sage, and circled round his waift. 
 Now fixt, and by encreased effluvia fed, 
 DifFufed a glory from his awful head. 355 
 
 Thus as he darts around eledlric fire, 
 To vocal hymns they tune the founding lyre ; 
 
 6 Bis. 
 
BOOK THE SIXTH. 237 
 
 His high atchievements in their fongs relate, 
 And hail him Monarch of th' Hermetic State. 
 
 Such honours Munster to her Hero paid ; 360 
 
 And lambent flames around his temples play'd. 
 
 Line 360. Such honours Ilion to her Hero paid. 
 
 And peaceful Jlept the mighty Hedor'sJIiade. 
 
 ■y 
 
 End of Pope's Iliad, 
 
 AND now having brought our commentary to an happy conclufion, let us 
 crown our labour with admonifliing all ignorant pretenders^ or rather entirely 
 precluding them from prefuming to make any additions to the Scribleriad, with 
 the vanity of Quintus Calaber^ and Triphiodorus, who impudently infinuating, 
 that the Iliad was imperfedl, wrote each a Supplement to it^ which the former 
 had the aflurance to call rLatfo^tOTo'iUEva ra 'O/iiifs. Maphaeus Vegius, poffeft with 
 the like folly, wrote a continuation of the iEneid. Camillo di CamilU of the 
 Gierufalemme Liberata; and Alonzo Fernandez de Avellaneda of Don Quixote. 
 We will at once quafli all thefe fruitlefs endeavours, by reprefenting the fecrccy 
 with which all thofe who are poffeft of the philofopher's ftone conceal, not only 
 thofe minute adtions of their lives which conftitute their hiftory, but even their 
 very perfons themfelves, as has before been explained. Theirs is the true and 
 only 
 
 Secretum iter et falltntis femita vitce. 
 
 Our Hero is moft happily fecure from one dangerous quarter ; for Ijiich has 
 
 been his extraordinary continency, that no lady can, with the leaft ftiew of pro- 
 
 babilty, introduce him to ad a part in her memoirs. 
 
 Yet 
 
£24 THE SCRIBLERIAD, &c. 
 
 Yet we are aware, that feveral of his family, more foUcitous, perhaps, for his 
 glory than is confillent with a prudential regard for it, will be fond of enlarging 
 upon his a6lions. To thefe we muft declare, that the author, when he put his 
 poem into our hands, aflured us, (in a phrafe which he borrowfed from the Spa- 
 nifli, and which he efteemed for being fo admirably expreffive,) that He had 
 
 LEFT NOTHING IN THE INKHORN. 
 
 THE END OF THE SIXTH AND LAST BOOK. 
 
 INDEX 
 
INDEX 
 
 TO THE 
 
 SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 The Numerals refer to the Book, and the Figures to the Line. 
 
 A. , Alchymifts poftpone their trial to the 
 
 firft of April, 244. 
 
 ACROSTICS,ii. 152. 
 
 Acroftic's dying fpeech, 222. — ufe figurative and uninteUigible ex- 
 Additions cannot be made to the Scrib- preffions, vi. 148. 
 
 leriad, the reafons. end of the notes. — look with contempt on Scriblerus in 
 
 Adepts, fee Alchymifts. the difguife of a beggar, 232. 
 
 Enigma's, a prefent to Scriblerus, iv. •— receive him with veneration on his 
 
 007. difcovering himfelf, 252. 
 
 Albertus, Momus in his fhape implies — believe he has adually traufmuted the 
 
 that he loves his joke. Pre/ace. lead to gold, becaufe his powders 
 
 — a relation of Scriblerus, i. i86. ' have changed the colour, 262. 
 
 — diverts Scriblerus from dangerous un- — their faith in his medicines makes 
 
 dertakings, and perfuades him to ri- them offer to cut their own throats, 
 
 diculous oneS)P'///2w. 270. 
 
 Alchymifts muft never fwerve from vir- — elearify Scriblerus, 348. 
 
 tue V. 167. "" fing hymns to his praife, and conclude 
 
 — muft avoid vanity, 171. hi* honours with beatification, laji 
 pride, 173. ^"'^' 
 
 — muft only fpend their money incharity. Anagrams, ii. 163. 
 
 177_ Apples of Sodom, iv. 379. 
 
 — meet in Munfter to tranfmute lead April the firft, a day held in efteem by 
 
 into gold, 221. the Alchymifts, and why ? v. 247. 
 
 — of Munfter, are corrupted with luft, Albeftus, iv. 28. 
 
 ambition, pride, and avarice, there- Afphaltos, iv. 378. 
 
 fore cannot fucceed, 234. Afs, Scriblerus compared to oncjiii. 149. 
 
 Aftei-, 
 
INDEX TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 After, an extraordinary markfman, ii. 
 
 216. 
 Allroites, iii. 211. 
 
 B. 
 
 Bafilius Valentinus, v. 247. 
 
 — ftory of him, vi. 79. 
 Bombaftus Paracelfue, v. 239. 
 
 Boffius propofes to beatify Scriblerus, vi. 
 
 314- 
 Boyle infinuates that he had been told 
 
 the fecret which Drebell [iretendcd 
 
 to have of reftoring air fpoiled by 
 
 refpiration, iv. 186. 
 Butterfly-hunter defcribed, B. vi. begin. 
 
 C. 
 
 Calanus, his death imitated by Scrib- 
 lerus, i. 92. 
 
 Canopus, i. 119. 
 
 Cafuift, his reafoning, vi. 278. 
 
 Cento's, ii. 165. 
 
 Chronograms, 157. 
 
 Concave-glafs, a ftrangc deception pro- 
 duced by it, iv. 38. 
 
 Cow, Scriblerus cuts the throat of a cow, 
 and gives her his elixir to bring her 
 to life again, vi. 308. 
 
 Crab, called the fidler, iv. 230. 
 
 D. 
 
 Dreams, obferved by Auguftus, i. 303. 
 Albertus relates a fiftitious dream, 275. 
 Scriblerus's typical dream, 315. 
 Dream of Aftyages, 307, and of Philip 
 
 of Macedon, 311. 
 Drebell rows aveffelunder water, ii. 316. 
 
 — pretends to have a fecret of purifying 
 
 air fpoiled by refpiration, iv. 186. 
 Duel, between a hero and a virgin, the 
 laws of it explained by Scriblerus, 
 V. 350- 
 
 Duft, to die by it efteemed bafe and ig- 
 noble by Scriblerus, as drowning was 
 thought an accurfed death by the 
 Ancients, i. 84. 
 
 Defcription of the Petrified City, i. 23. 
 
 — of a land-ftorm in the defarts of 
 
 Africa, 63. 
 
 — of the march of locufts, and manner 
 
 of deftroying them, 249. 
 
 — of the natural fools held in veneration 
 
 in Egypt, 365. 
 
 — of an eruption of Vefuvius, ii. 83. 
 
 — of an earthquake, 89. 
 
 — of romance-land, 115. 
 
 — of various fpecies of falfe wit, 151 
 
 <^" i7ifra 
 
 — of a confedlioner's walnut with a 
 
 motto, 200. and preface laji page. 
 
 — of the land of virtuofo's, 236. 
 
 — of flying, 307. 
 
 — of rowing under water, 316. 
 
 — of the polype, 325. 
 
 — of the cave of Rumour, iii. 3. 
 
 — of a temple adorned with fhells, 42. 
 
 — of the Queen of virtuofo-land, y-j. 
 
 — of a failing chariot, 207. 
 
 — of the marriage ceremonies of the 
 
 ancients, 246. 
 
 — of a grotto, 278. 
 
 — of a pyramid of roots, iv. 2i . 
 
 — of the bower of Contemplation adorn- 
 
 ed with bones and fliulls, 26. 
 
 — of Afbefl:us, 28. 
 
 — of the temple of Falfe Wit and Ro- 
 
 mantic Poetry, 55. 
 
 — of the Surinam toad, 175. 
 
 — offpider'sfilk,i8i. 
 
 — of Grecian fire, 216. 
 
 — of a crab called the fidler, 23O. 
 
 — of the white-horfe hill, 243. 
 
 — • of Saturn's rings according to the 
 latefi; obfcrvations, 272. 
 
 Defcription 
 
INDEX TO THE SCRIBLERIAB. 
 
 Defcription of Minarets, 339. 
 
 — of the Sodom apples, 379. 
 
 — of the Morofoph, v. 8, 
 
 — of Opium, 16. 6i. 183. 
 
 — of the Scratching-ftick, 19. 
 
 — of Rods of divination, 21. 
 ■— of an infpired Prophet, 43. 
 
 — of a fingle Combat, 319. 
 
 —of a Butterfly-catcher and his net, 
 ■vi. 3. 
 
 — of tlie virtues of the Grand Elixir, 97. 
 ~ of Beatification by Elediricity, 314. 
 
 350. to the end. 
 
 E. 
 
 Earthquake defcribed, ii. 89. 
 
 Elixir the Grand, promifed to Scriblerus 
 
 in a dream, v. 119. 
 Elongation of the Papillae^ iii. 83. 
 Embryo, the Queen wiflies for one to 
 
 keep in fpirits, iii. 336. 
 Empedocles leaps into ISAadi., i. 74. 
 
 Fidler, a crab fo called, iv. 330. 
 
 Fire, Grecian, iv. 216. 
 
 Flying, ii. 307. 
 
 — one of the Games, iv. 128. 
 
 Fools held in great veneration by the 
 Mahometans, called at Cairo, Sheiks, 
 i. 357. The touch of thefe Saints 
 (as they are alfo called) fovereign in 
 cafes of barrennefs, 371. 
 
 Friga the Hermaphrodite, v, 110. 
 
 G. 
 
 Ging-feng, V. J37. 
 
 Ghoft, of the Queen appears to Scrib- 
 lerus, iv. 5, 
 
 Ghoft, inftru6is Scriblerus, 9. 
 
 — makes the ufual requeft to have its 
 
 late body handfomely buried, 18, 
 
 — embracing one, compared to touching 
 
 an hand reflecSled from a concave 
 mirror, 38. 
 
 I. 
 
 Ibis, i. m. 
 
 Ignis fatuus diredls Scriblerus, v. 286. 
 
 Lady, no Lady can introduce Scriblerus 
 in her Memoirs, end of the notes. 
 
 Law, a new cafe propofed and deter- 
 mined, vi. 285. 
 
 Latomias, or Dionyfius's Cave, iii. 3. 
 
 Learning often flirouds her radiant head 
 in tatter'd robes, vi. 62. 
 
 Leonine, or Rhyming Verfe, iv. 68. 
 
 Lindamira, Scriblerus's firft Miftrefs, iii. 
 68. 
 
 Lipogrammift, ii. i86. and iv. 63. 
 Locufts, i. 248. 
 
 M. 
 
 Macaronian Verfes, ii. 184. 
 
 Mahometans deftroy all Statues, iv. 373. 
 
 Marriage Ceremonies, iii. 246. 
 
 Memoirs, Scriblerus's continency fecures 
 him from the danger of being ex- 
 pofed in any Lady's, end of the 
 notes. 
 
 Metaphor, Confufion and change of Me- 
 taphor imitated and ridiculed, iii. 
 290. 
 
 Minarets, iv. 339. 
 
 Mole rifes near the Acroftic's Tomb, ir. 
 99- 
 
 Ii M0I7, 
 
INDEX TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 Moly, V. 135. 
 
 MoiaJ Refkdions ridiculed, iji. C90. and 
 
 iv. 201. 
 Morofoph, i. 367. y. 8. 
 Murtlier, a fliocking thing to be tried for 
 
 felf-murther, vi. 288. 
 
 Nepenthes^ V. 61. 
 
 Name kdcy, a good omen,\i. 40. 
 
 a 
 
 Obfequies paid to the Qween, iv. 40. 
 
 Opium, V. 16.-61. 183. 
 
 Grades, thetr filenee regretted by Scrib- 
 
 lerus, i. 343. 
 Oracles conveyed through vents, iii. 11. 
 Owl, aType of Scriblerus, i. 329. 
 
 two fly out of the Grotto, iii. 298. 
 
 Ox with fix kgs and three eyes, iv. 1 17. 
 
 P. 
 
 Petrified City defcribed, i. 23. 
 
 — buried by a mountain of fand, 160. 
 the fearch for it not to be given up, 
 
 fince Hcraclea, thought equally im- 
 probable to be found, has been lince 
 difcovered, i. 289. 
 
 Phoenix, Scriblerus regrets that he muft 
 die without feeing one. i. 88. 
 
 Pile, funeral, compofed of Egyptian cu- 
 riofitiesji. 95. 
 
 Pilo-rims defire to hear Scriblerus's hif- 
 toiy, ii. 5^, 
 
 — lament that €rufades are laid afide, 
 
 iv. 376. 
 
 — their prefents to Scriblerus, iv. 377. 
 
 f»iica Polonica, iii. 77. and 367. 
 6 
 
 Pliny dies, fuffocated by tlie aflies of Ve- 
 fuvius, i. 75. 
 
 Poetry, Land of romantic Poetry de- 
 fcribed, ii. 115. 
 
 Polype, ii. 329. 
 
 Priapus,his promife to Scriblerus, ii. 28 1> 
 
 Pride deftrudlive to an Alchymiil, v. 173. 
 
 Proteus, Lord Bacon's fenfe of the Fable 
 
 of Proteus adopted by Milton, vi. 38. 
 
 Q. 
 
 Queen of the Ifland of Virtuofo's flies. 
 w ith all her clioiccft Treafures from 
 England, iii. 31. 
 
 — avoids the Interruptions and Incon- 
 
 veniences of Commerce, 38. 
 
 — her perfon defcribed, ■jj. 
 
 — in her judicial capacity, determines 
 
 nice cafes natural philofophy, 89. 
 
 — receives Scriblerus, and propofes to 
 
 marry him, 120. 
 
 — compared to a fly before a Virtuofo's 
 
 magnifying glafs, 139. 
 
 — fliews and explains her various 
 
 treafures and arts to Scriblerus, 210. 
 
 — impatient for the nuptial ceremony, 
 
 240. 
 
 — appoints her favourite grotto for the 
 
 confummation, 288. 
 
 — her fpeech, reproaching Scriblerus for 
 
 his unmanly cowardice and defer tion 
 of her, 316. 
 
 — her death, lajl line. 
 
 R. 
 
 Reciprocal or Rctrogadc Verfes, ii. 169. 
 Rumour, iii. n. 
 
 Sacrifice 
 
INDEX TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 a Scribleius^ is beloved by her, and invited 
 
 to a partnerfliip of her bed and 
 Sacrifice of a goofe and goflings, bv throne, 120, 
 
 Scriblerus, V. 303. — returns to his friends, 1 46. 
 
 Sailing Chariot, iii. 207. __ compared to an afs returning to her 
 
 Saturn's Ring, iv. 272. young, 149. 
 
 Scratching-ftick, v. 19. _ difcovers his paffion to Albertus, :68. 
 
 Scriblers, reafons why they rauft not — is alarmed with a frightful dream, 219. 
 
 write any more of the head of tlieir _ laments the fad effeds of negleaing 
 
 family, end of the notes. t^e hymenal ceremonies, 245, 
 
 Scriblerus, his Charaaer not to be taken _ going ^ith the Queen to confummate 
 
 from the Memoirs, Prcjace page n . ]„ ^ grotto, is alarmed by two owls 
 
 — his true charader, ibid. pag. 1 1 . and flying out of it, and runs away, 307. 
 
 ^^' —is admoninied by the Queen in a 
 
 — theferies of his travels vifion, to return to the poetic land, 
 
 — he relates his adventures to the pil- and appeafe the manes of the Acrof- 
 
 grims, ii. 73. tic by games, ^c. B. 17. 14. 
 
 — laments that he left Naples juft before — celebrates the obfequies of the Queeii, 
 
 an eruption of Vefuvius, 8 1 . 40. 
 
 — fets out with his friends to Jamaica for — enters into alliance with the land of 
 
 the benefit of feeing an earthquake, Falfe Wit, 52. 
 
 °°' — inftitutes and prefides over the games, 
 
 — is driven by contrary winds to the 114, 8f infra. 
 
 ifland of Falfe Wit, 115. — fhoots with a wind-gun, and is fur- 
 
 — is moved by an oracle to fly from it, prized with a fl;range omen, 268. 
 
 ^°°- ■— receives prefents and ratifies his vows 
 
 — kills an Acroftic, 219. of friendftiip with the Iflanders, 
 «— arrives at the land of Virtuofo's, 235. ' '^^^ departs, 325. 
 
 — animates his friends by a fpeech, 250. ■^ fa''* ^1' the Red Sea, lauds in Egypt 
 
 — having been encouraged by the ap- and arrives at Cairo, 339. 
 
 pearances and promifes of Priapus, '— fets out in fearch of the Petrified 
 
 fets out alone in an unknown land. City, 340. 
 
 end of B.ii. — after having travelled nine days in the 
 
 •— enters the cave of Rumour, and hears defart, is in danger of being over- 
 
 an account of the Queen of the whehned by a cloud of fand raifed 
 
 country from a prieftefs of Rumour, by a whirlwind, B. i. 65 ^ infra. 
 
 iii. 3. — refolves to burn himfelf, 91. 
 
 —   defcribes a beautiful temple, 42. *— builds a funeral pile of all his rarities, 
 
 — defcribes the Queen, jj. ' 95- 
 
 — falls in love with her, 88. - ■•   Scriblerus 
 
 1 12 
 
INDEX TO THE SCRIBLERIAD; 
 
 Scriblerus is prevented from burning Scriblerus lays claim to the rights of. 
 
 himfelf by Albertus^ 186. a conqueror, 350. 
 
 — his fpeech on the food of different — waves his rights, 357. 
 
 nations, 231. — on dreams, 305. — on — proceeds to Munfter,373 to the end. 
 
 prophets and oracles, 340. —meets with a butterfly-hunter, B, 
 
 — is determined by the advice of Alber- vi. 3. 
 
 tus to return to Cairo, and confult a _ jg introduced to Fauftus, who tells him 
 
 Morofoph, 355 to the end. the ftory of Bafilius Valentinus, 5^ 
 
 «— ia his return to Cairo, meets forae pil- ^ infra 
 
 grims who defire to hear hisadven- _ is carried by him to the Adepts, who- 
 
 tures, which he relates to them, B. ii. are met to turn lead into gold, 205. 
 
 15 to the end. — defires to make a trial, 220. 
 
 — accepts the prefents of the pilgrims, ^.jg ^^M&d from his mean appearance,, 
 
 and enters Cairo, end ofB. iv. but on difcovering his name, admit- 
 
 — meets with the Morofoph after a long ted to a trial, 254. 
 
 and fatiguing fearch for him, v. 7. _ obtains a golden colour, 261 . 
 
 — is ftunned by a blow from, the fool, -.declares that he can reftore the dead; 
 
 25- by his medicine, 266. 
 
 — is ftupified by drinking opiumy and _ retrains his' zealous believers frora« 
 
 falls afleep immediately, 30. cutting their throats, 294. 
 
 — relates to his friends, as aauallyhap- _ propofes to try the experiment on a, 
 
 pening, what happened to him in a cow, 296. . 
 
 dream or delirium, caufed by the _.cuts her throat and gives her his me- 
 
 opmm, 41, Si- tnfra. dicine,3io; 
 
 -parts with, his friends at Genoa, and _ j^ ^^-^^ ^f ^-^ ^^^^^ and placed in. 
 
 fets out m fearch of the philofo- naked majefty on a throne ereded of 
 
 pher's (lone, 209. ^-^^^^ ^^g^ . ^^^ f^^j^ dedrical ma- 
 
 — arrives at a grove near Munfter, . 354. terials, 326. , 
 
 — fees the god Plutus in a dream, who __ feels a prefentiment that the vanity 
 
 promifes that he (hall be direfted to raifed in him, by the honours now 
 
 the flower, whofe root calcined will paid him, will deftroy the fuccefs of 
 
 change bafe metals to gold, 260. the great work, and advifes them to 
 
 — is led to it by an ignis faluus, 286. forbear them, 332. 
 
 — fees a goofe and thirty goflins, which •— is interrupted in his fpeech by the 
 
 (in imitation of the ancients,- who. noife of the ele6lrical wheels, fongs, , 
 
 in any great enterprize facri(iced the and inftruments, 350. 
 
 firft thing they (iuv) he kills, 303. »^ ig elearified, 348. 
 
 — is threlhed foundly by a country girl, _ and at length beatified, 355, to the 
 
 319. end. 
 
 — wreftles with her and overthrows her. 
 
 340. 
 
 SiMILSS 
 
INDEX TO THE SORIBLERIAD. 
 
 Similes. Heightening the beauty of Speeches of Thaumaftes, defcribing the 
 Scriblerus to ftaining modern marbles land of wonders, 304. 
 
 with the colour of the antique, and _ of the prieftefs of Rumour to Scrib- 
 incrufting coins and bronzes with igj-^g Hi. 17 
 
 ru , n. 9 . — of Scriblerus to Albertus, confefling 
 
 — the Queen in love, to a fly ftuck faft ijjg j^yg j gg 
 
 on a pin before avirtuofo's magni- _^f ^^^ q^^^^ '^^ ^^^ 
 fymgglafs,m.i39. Ierus,3i6. 
 
 — Scriblerus rejoining his friends, to an r *u /^ > 1 /- r-, .. , 
 
 r ,   ^ ? — ot the Queen's ghoft to Scriblerus' 
 
 afs returning to her young, 149. - ° 
 
 — the hearts of the hero and the queen, ec -ui ^- p i- ,.. . 
 
 totwoaftroites,2ii. - of Scriblerus parting from his friends, 
 
 ^97- 
 
 — a fhip which has broke all the oars _ ^f Bombaftus, advifing the firft of 
 
 fidlerTv^ o. ^ April as a proper day for making an 
 
 •* ' "^   experiment, v. 240. 
 
 ■—the engagement between Scriblerus „f c^r;KW„= „„ ti, 1 c r 1 
 
 J c 1 • t 4.1, . i-TT 1 • , — °* bcnblerus on the laws of fingle 
 and Sylvia, to that of Hercules with ^^^bat, 347. 
 
 the Amazons, v. 327. and of Ajax r .i. , n 
 
 and UlyfTes in the Iliad, 343. ~ ""^J^^ ^butterfly-catchers, to Scrib- 
 
 — a cow drefs'd with wreaths and gar- o -i / 
 
 lands, to the Egyptian Apis, vi. ~ S^^nblerus, to the adepts in alchymy, 
 307. 
 
 ., , • /• V   — °^ Bombaftus, ^in fcorn of Scrible- 
 
 — vanity, to a worm in fruit, vi. 340. ^us's pretenfxons, 238. 
 
 Sebaftian ftill expeded in Portugal, v. _ of Scriblerus on the farther powers of 
 
 "'' his medicine, 265. 
 
 Solan Ceefe, iii. 322. ^ , . .„ , , «, . 
 
 — or a law cat uut, on the horrors of being 
 Sortes Yirgilianae, i. 352. tried for felf-murder, 280. 
 
 Speeches, of Scriblerus when in danger " ^^ f^riblerus on the confequences of 
 of being buried in a cloud of duft efedts of va''?'''"^ """^ dangerous 
 
 raifed by a whirlwind, i. 71. ' ^' ^^°' 
 
 — on lighting his intended funeral pile, ^P'^^7/ 663,5552 only make a pound of 
 
 J25 ° ^ filk, IV. 181. 
 
 „„ .u„ i„r eu- •,.• Statues, fvveat, iv. 81. 
 
 — on the lots 01 his rarities, 173. ' 
 
 — t^ u\^ f^:^„A^ iu • • p Submarine, navigation, ii. 316. 
 
 — to his triends on their murmuring for ' o > o 
 
 fear of wanting provifions, 213. — one of the games, iv. 1 69. 
 
 — on the uncertainty of legitimacy, iii, Suicide, a fad thing to be condemned for 
 
 33- 
 
 it, VI. 2C 
 
 prophetic fpeech of the dying Acroftic, ^-y'^*^ ^^^'^ ^^'^ Scriblerus, v. 318. 
 
 222. 
 
 — of Priapus to Scriblerus, 282. 
 
 Tar, 
 
INDEX TO THE SCRIBLERIAD. 
 
 T. Vanity deftruftive of the Alchyniifts ex- 
 
 Tar, acquires its favereign virtues by pectations, vi. 333. 
 
 - growing in high JNorthern Latitudes, 
 V. 140. 
 
 Temple, elegantly adorned with fliells w 
 
 and foflils, iii. 41. 
 
 The Angelis, an herb which caufes divi- Wagering on lives, v. 154. 
 
 nation, v. 17. Walnut, a confectioner's with a motto 
 Toad of Surinam, iv. 175. miftaken for a real one by Thau- 
 
 maftes, ii. 198. 
 
 *• White-horfe, iv. 243. 
 
 Vanity, Scriblerus cautioned agaiofl it, Wind-gun, iv. 241. 
 
 V. 171. Wit often chufes torefide in rags, vi. 64. 
 
Ktmnn-fd tyJ Lmthea: tivm n It/.a^au/ Jy.IWr4>0>t-HA 
 
 TWII (01^ ii.iiiili 
 
I..;i,ln, /■iiHijlu-,1 Ity Mr/," luJrU >c Iluru: Juiir ., iMl 
 
 aj^JixM 
 
 .ilD(0)W 
 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 WRITTEN AT 
 
 TWICKENHAM. 
 
 FROM 1751 to 1801. 
 
A DIALOGUE 
 
 BETWEEN A 
 
 MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT AND HIS SERVANT, 
 
 In Imitation 'of the -jth Satire of the Second Book of Horace. 
 
 Quid leges fine moribus 
 
 Vanae proficiunt. Hor. 
 
 [first printed in the year 1752.] 
 
 Servant. 
 LONG have I heard your fav'rite theme, 
 A gen'ral refoiTnation fcheme, 
 To keep the Poor from ev'ry fin, 
 From gaming, murther, and from gin. 
 And now have I no lefs an itch 
 To venture to reform the Rich. 
 
 Member. 
 
 HORATII. Lib. II. Satira 7. 
 
 Jamdudum aufculto^ & cupiens tibi dicere fervus 
 
 Pauca, reformido. Hor. Davufne ? D. Ita Davus, amlcum 
 
 Mancipium 
 
 K K 
 
;:!50 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Member. 
 What, John ! are you too turn d projector ^ 
 Come then, for once Til hear your ledure. 
 For fince a member, as 'tis faid, 
 His projects to his fervants read, 
 And of a fav'rite fpeech a book made. 
 With which he tired each night a cook-maid. 
 And fo it hap't that evVy morning 
 The taftelefs creatures gave him warning — 
 Since thus we ufe 'em, 'tis but reafon 
 We hear our fervants in their feafon. 
 Begin. 
 
 Servant. 
 Like gamblers, half mankind 
 Perfiil in conftant vice combined, 
 
 \ 
 
 In 
 
 Mancipium domino, et frugi, quod fit fatis ; hoc eft, 
 Ut vitale putes. 
 
 H. Age, liberlate Decembri 
 (Quando ita majores voluerunt) utere : narra. 5 
 
 D. Pars hominum vitiis gaudet conftanter, & urget 
 Propofitum ; pars niulta natat ; modo re6la capeflens^ 
 Interdum pravls obnoxia. Saepe notatus 
 Cum tribus annellis, modb laevS, Prifcus inani, 
 Vixit incequalis, clavum ut mutaret in horas : 10 
 
 JEdibus 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 251 
 
 In races, routes, the ftews, and White's, 
 Pafs all their days and all their nights. 
 Others again, like lady Prue, 
 Who gives the morning church its due, 
 At noon is painted, dreft and curl'd, 
 And one amongft the wicked world : 
 Keeps her account exa<5lly even 
 As thus : Prue, Creditor with heaven, 
 By fermons heard on extra days : 
 Debtor : To mafquerades and plays. 
 Item : By Whitfield, half an hour : 
 Per Contra : To the Colonel, four. 
 
 Others, I fay, pafs half their time 
 In foll}'^, idlenefs, or crime ; 
 Then all at once, their zeal grows warm, 
 And every throat refounds reform. 
 
 A lord 
 
 iEtlibus ex magnis fubitt> le conderet, unde 
 
 Mundior exiretvix libertiiiushonefte: 
 
 Jam mcechus Romae, jam mallet do<5ius Athenis 
 
 Vivere; Vertumnis, quotquot funt^ natus iniquis. 
 
 Scurra Volanerius, poftquam iliijufta chiiagra 15 
 
 Contudit articulos, qui pro fe tolleret, atque 
 
 Mitteret in phimum talos, mercede diurnS. 
 
 Condudium pavit : quanto conftantior idem 
 
 In vitiis, tanto levies mifer ac prior illcj 
 
 Quijam conjtento^jam laxo fune laborat. 20 
 
 KK 2 H. Non 
 
2.52 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 A lord his youth in ev'ry vice 
 Indulged, but chief in drabs and dice. 
 Till worn by age, difeafe, and gout : 
 Then nature modeftly gave out. ^ 
 
 Not fo my lord who ftill, by proxy, 
 
 Play'd with his darling dice and doxy. 
 
 I laud this conftant wretch's Hate 
 And pity all who fludtuate ; 
 Prefer this flave to dear backgammon, 
 To thofe who ferve both God and Mammon : 
 To thofe who take fuch pains to awe 
 The nation's vices by the law, 
 Yet while they draw their bills fo ample^ 
 Negle6t the influence of example. 
 
 Member. 
 
 To whom d'ye preach this fenfelefs fermon .'' 
 
 Servant. 
 
 H. Non dices hodie, quorfum haec tarn putida tendunt, 
 
 Furcifer ? D. Ad te, inquam. H. Quo pafto^ peffime ? J). Laudas.. 
 
 Fortunam 8c mores antiqufe plebis, & idem. 
 
 Si quis ad ilia Deus fubito te agat, ufque recufes : 
 
 Aut quia non fentis, quod clamas, redius efle ; 25 
 
 Aut quia non firmus re6lum defendis ; & haeres. 
 
 Nequicquam ccBno cupiens evellere plantsim. 
 
 Romse rus optas, abfentem rufticus urbem 
 
 Tollis ad aftra levis : fi nufquam es fort^ vocatus 
 
 Ad cajnam, laudas fecurum olus ; ac velut ufquani 30 
 
 Vindus eas, ita te felicem dicis, amefque^ 
 
 Qdou 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 253 
 
 Servant. 
 To you, good fir^ 
 
 Member. 
 To me, ye vermin ? 
 Servant. 
 Ta you, who ev'ry day profefs 
 T^ admire the times of good Queen Befs. 
 But yet your heart fmcerer praife 
 Bellows on thefe or Cliarles's days : 
 You ftill approve forae abfent place 
 (The prefent's ever in difgrace.; 
 And, fuch your fpecial inconfiftence. 
 Make the chief merit in the diftance.. 
 
 If e'er you mifs a fupper-card 
 (Tho' all the while you think it hard)^ 
 
 You're 
 
 Qucid nufquam tibi fit potandum. Jufferit ad fe 
 
 Mecaenas feriim fub lumina prima venire 
 
 Convivam, Neman' oleum feret ociiis ? ecquis 
 
 Audit ? cum magno blateras clamore, furlfque. 35 
 
 Milvius & fcurrae, tibi non referenda precati 
 
 Difcedunt. Etenim fateor me, dixerit ille, 
 
 Duci ventre levem : nafum nidore fupinor : 
 
 Imbecillus, iners, fi quid vis, adde popinoi 
 
 Tu ciim fis quod ego, & fortaffis nequior ultr5 4.0 
 
 Infe6tere velut melior, verblfque decoris 
 
 Obvolvas vitium ? quid, fi me ftultior ipfo 
 
 Quingentis empto drachmis deprenderis ? Aufer 
 
 Me 
 
£54 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 You're all for folitude and quiet, 
 Good hours and vegetable diet, 
 Reflexion, air, and elbow room -: 
 No prifon like a crouded drum. 
 But fliould you meet her Grace's fummons 
 In full committee of the commons, 
 Tho' well you know her crouded houfe 
 Will fcarce contain another moufe, 
 You quit the bus'nels of the nation, 
 And brethren of the reformation. 
 
 Tho' begs you'll ftay and vote. 
 
 And zealous tears your coat. 
 
 You damn your coachman, ftorm and flare ; 
 And tear your throat to call a chair. 
 Nay, never frown, and good now hold 
 Your hand awhile : I've been fo bold 
 
 To 
 
 Me vultu terrere : manum ftomachiimque teneto, 
 
 Dum quae Crilpini docuit me janitor, edo. 45 
 
 Te conjux alicna capit, meretricula Davum : 
 
 Peccat uter noftium cruce dignius ? aciis ubi me 
 
 Natura incendit ; fub clarS. nuda lucerna 
 
 Dimittit, neqiie famofumj neque follicitura, ne 
 Ditior aul formae melioris meiat eodem. 
 Tu ciim,proje6tis infignibus, annulo equeftri. 
 
 50 
 
 Roman6que 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. ^55 
 
 To paint your follies ; now I'm in^ 
 Let's have a word or two on fin. 
 
 Laft night I heard a learned poulterer 
 Lay down the law againft th' adulterer : 
 And let me tell you, fir, that few 
 Hear better do6trine in a pew. 
 Well ! you may laugh at Robin Hood : 
 I wifli your ftudies were as good. 
 From Mandeville you take your morals : 
 Your faith from controverfial quarrels; 
 But ever lean to thofe who fcribble ' 
 
 Their crudities againft the bible ; 
 Yet tell me I fliall crack my brain 
 With hearing Henley or Romaine. 
 
 Deferves that critic moft rebuke 
 In judging on the Pentateuch, 
 
 Who 
 
 Roman6que habitu, prodis ex judice Dama 
 
 Turpis, odoratum caput obfcurante lacerna, 55 
 
 Non es quod fimulas ? Metuens induceris, atque 
 
 Altercante libidinibus tremis offa pavore. 
 
 Quid refert uri virgis, ferroque necari 
 
 Au6loratus eas ; an turpi claufus in arca^ 
 
 Qu^tedemifit peccati confciaherilis, 60 
 
 Contradlum genibus tangas caput ? * * * * 
 
 Ibis fub fure& prudens dominoque furenti 
 
 Committes rem omnen, & vitam, 8c cum corpore famam. 
 
 Evafti ? 
 
256 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Who deems it, with forae wild fanatics, 
 
 The only fchool of mathematics : 
 
 Or he, who making grave profeffion, 
 
 To lay afide all prepofleffion, 
 
 Calls it a bookfeller's edition 
 
 Of maim'd records and vao;ue tradition ? 
 
 You covet, fir, your neighbour's goods : 
 I take a girl at Peter Wood's ; 
 And when I've turn'd my back upon her, 
 Unwounded in ray heart or honour, 
 I feel nor infamous, nor jealous 
 Of richer culls, or prettier fellows. 
 But you, the grave and fage reformer, 
 Muft go by Health to meet your charmer ; 
 Muft change your ftar and ev'ry note 
 Of honour for a bear-lkin coat. 
 
 That 
 
 Evafti ? metues credoj do(3:ufque cavebis. 
 
 Quaeres quando itei'uni paveas, iteriimque perire 65 
 
 Poffis. O toties ferviis ! Qua; bellua ruptis 
 
 Cum f'emel effugit, reddit fe prava catenis ? 
 
 Noil fum mceclius, ais. Neque ego hercule fur, ubi vafa 
 
 PrsEtcereo fapiens argentea : tolle periclum, 
 
 Jainvaga profiliet frenis natura remotis, 70 
 
 T6De mihi dommus, renim imperils hominumque 
 
 Tot tantifque minor ? quem ter vindidla quaterque 
 
 Impofita baud unquam mifer& formidine privet ? 
 
 Adde 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 257 
 
 That legiflative head fo wife 
 Muft Hoop to bafe and mean difguife ; 
 Some Abigail muft then receive you, 
 Bribed by the hufband to deceive you. 
 She fpies Comuto on the flairs : 
 Wakes you ; then melted by your pray'rs, 
 Yields,- if .with greater bribe you afk it, 
 To pack your vvorfliip in the bafket. 
 Laid neck and heels true Falftafffafliion; 
 Then form new fchemes of reformation. 
 
 Thus Tcaped the murd 'ring hulband's fury, 
 Or thumping fine of cuckold jury ; 
 Henceforth, in mem'ry of your danger. 
 You'll live to all intrigues a ftranger. 
 No ; ere you've time for this reflection ; 
 Some new debauch is in projection. 
 And for the next approaching night. 
 Contrivance for another fright. 
 
 This 
 
 Adde fupr^ di6iis, quod non leviiis valeat. Nam 
 
 Sive vicarius eft, qui fervo paret, uti mos 75 
 
 Vefter ait, feu confervus ; tibi quid fum ego ? nempe 
 
 Tu mihi qui imperitas, aliis fervis mifer, atque 
 
 Duceris, ut nervis alienis mobile lignum. 
 
 H. Quifnam igitur liber ? D. Sapiens ; fibi qui imperiofus 
 Quern neque pauperies, neque morsj neque vincula terrent : 80 
 
 L L Kefponfare 
 
258 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 This makes you, tho' fo great, fo grave,^ 
 Nay ! wonder not, an abje<St ilave. 
 As much a flave as I : nay more ; 
 I ferve one mafter, you a feore. 
 And as your various paffions rule. 
 By turns are twenty tyrants' fool. 
 
 Member. 
 Who then is free ? 
 
 Servant. 
 
 The wife alone^ 
 Who only bows to reafon's throne ; 
 Whom neither want, nor death, nor chains. 
 Nor fubtle perfecutoi*'s pains. 
 Nor honours, wealth, nor luft can move 
 Prom virtue and his country's love. 
 Self-guarded like a globe of fteel» 
 External infults can he feel ? 
 
 Or 
 
 Refponfare cupidinibus, contemnere honores 
 
 Fortis ; & in feipfo totus teres atque rotundus, 
 
 Externi rie quid valeat per Iseve morari ; 
 
 In quern manca ruit femper fortuna Potefne 
 
 Ex his, ut proprium, quid nofcere ? Quinque talcnta 85 
 
 Pofcit te mulier, vexat, foribufque repulfum 
 
 Perfundit gelida; rusils vocat. Eripe turpi 
 
 Colla jugo. Liber, liber fum, die age. Non quis : 
 
 Urget enim dominus mentera non lenis, & acres 
 
 Subjeftat 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 259 
 
 Or e'er prefent one weaker part 
 To fortune's molt infidious dart. 
 Much honour'd mafter, may you find 
 Thefe wholefome fymptoms in your mind. 
 Can you be free while paffions rule you ? 
 While women ev'ry moment fool you ? 
 While forty mad capiicious whores 
 Invite, then turn you out of dooi^s ; 
 Of ev'ry doit contrive to trick you, 
 Then bid their happier footman kick you. 
 
 Convinced by ev'ry new difafter, 
 You ferve a more defpotic mafter; 
 Say can your pride or folly fee ^ 
 
 Such difference 'twixt yourfelf and me ? 
 
 Shall you be ftruck with Titian's tints, 
 And mayn't I ftop to ftare at prints ? 
 
 Difpofed 
 
 Subje<Slat laflb ftimulos, vers^tque aegantem. oo 
 
 Vel c^ra Paufiac& torpes, infane, tabell^. 
 
 Qui peccas minis atque ego, cim Fulvi, Rutubaeque, 
 
 Aut Placideiani contento poplite miror 
 
 Prajlia, lubrica pifta aut carbone ; velut fi 
 
 Re vera puguent, feriant, vit6ntque moventes 95 
 
 Arma viri ? Nequam & ceflator Davus : at ipfe 
 
 Subtilis veterum judex 8c callidus audis. 
 
 L L 2 Na 
 
260 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Difpofed along th' extenfive glafs 
 
 They catch and hold me ere I pafs. 
 
 Where Slack is made to box with Broughton, 
 
 I fee the very flage they fought on : 
 
 The bruifers live, and move, and bleed. 
 
 As if they fought in very deed. 
 
 Yet I'm a loiterer, to be fure, 
 
 You a great judge and connoifTeur. 
 
 Shall you prolong the midnight ball 
 With coftly banquet at Vauxhall, 
 And yet prohibit earlier fuppers 
 At Kilbourn, Sadlers-Wells, or Cuper s, i^ 
 Are thefe lefs innocent in fadl, 
 Or only made fo by the a6l ? 
 
 Thofe who* contribute to the tax 
 On tea and chocolate and wax,. 
 
 With 
 
 * It was urged in the petitions of Tome of the houfes of puhlic entertainment, 
 thai the fuppreffion of them might greatly diminilh the duties on tea, cho-^ 
 colate, afld wax-hghts. 
 
 Nil ego, fi ducor hbo fumante : tibi ingens 
 
 Virtus atque animus coenis refponfat opimis. 
 
 Obfequium venlris mihi perniciofius eft cur? loo 
 
 Tergo pledior enim : qui tu impunitior, ilia. 
 
 Quae parvo fumi nequeunt, cOra obfonia captas ? 
 
 Nemp^ 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. sSt 
 
 With high ragouts their blood inflame, 
 And naufeate what they eat for fame : 
 Of thefe tlie houfes take no knowledge 
 But leave them fairly to the college. 
 O ! ever profper their endeavours 
 To aid your dropfies, gouts and feversv 
 
 Can it be deem'd a fliame or fm 
 To pawn my livery for gin, 
 While bonds and mortgages at White's 
 Shall raife your fame with Arthur's knights ? 
 Thofe Avorthies feem to fee no lliame in, 
 Nor ftrive to pafs a flur on gaming ; 
 But rather to devife each feffion 
 Some law in honour o' th' profeffion : 
 Left fordid hands, or vulgar place, 
 The noble myit'ry fliould debafe ; 
 Left ragged fcoundrels.in an alehoufe, 
 Should chalk their cheatings on the bellows i 
 
 Or 
 
 Nemp^ inamarefcunt epulce fine fine petitas, 
 
 Illufique pedes vitiofuin ferre recufant 
 
 Corpus. Au hie peccat, fub no(5iera qui puer uvani loji 
 
 Furtiva mutat fl:rigilisB ? Qui praedia venciit. 
 
 Nil fervile gulae parens habet ? Adde quod idem, 
 
 Non hoxam tecum effe potes, non otia leiih. 
 
 Ponere ; 
 
 :* 
 
262 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Or boys the facred rites profane 
 With orange-barrows in a lane. 
 Where lies the merit of your labours 
 To curb the follies of your neighbours ; 
 Deter the gambler and prevent his 
 Confed'rate arts to gull the 'prentice ; 
 Unlefs you could yourfelf defift 
 From hazard, faro, brag, and whift ? 
 Unlefs your philofophic mind 
 Can from within amufement find, 
 And give at once to ufe and pleafure 
 That truly precious time, your leifure. 
 In vain your bufy thoughts prepare 
 Deceitful fepulchres of care : 
 The downy couch, the fparkling bowl, 
 And all that lulls or foothes the foul —   
 
 Member. 
 Wliere is my cane, my whip, my hanger ? 
 I'll teach you to provoke my anger. 
 
 Servant. 
 
 Ponere ; teque ipfum vitas fugitivus & erro ; 
 
 Jam vino quferens, jam fomno fallere curam : 1 10 
 
 Fruftra : nam comes atra piemit, fequitdrque fugacem. 
 
 H. Unde mihi lapidem ? D. Quorftim ell opus? H. Unde fagitas 
 D. Aut infanithomo, autverfusfacit. H. Ociiis hinc te 
 
 Ni rapis, accedes opera agro nona Sabino. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 263 
 
 ft 
 
 Servant. 
 
 Heyday ! my mailer's brain is crack't ! 
 
 Or elfe he's making fome new a6t — 
 
 Member. 
 
 To fet fucb rogues as you to work 
 
 Perhaps, * or fend you to the Turk. 
 
 * Among the many projeiSls for the punifhment of rogues, it has been fre- 
 quently propofed to fend them in exchange for Enghih flaves to Algiers. 
 
THE 
 
 INTRUDER. 
 
 IN IMITATION 
 
 OF 
 
 HORACE, BOOK I. SATIRE IX. 
 
 FIRST PRINTED IN THE YEAR 1754. 
 
 M M 
 
ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 Whatever is written in imitation of the manners and converfatlon of men, 
 has never failed to pleafe in proportion as it has been well written ; and thofe 
 who b.ave imitated the writings of preceding ages have, by applying ancient 
 manners to modern times, afforded a ftill greater fcope for the mind to entertain 
 itfelf by the comparifon. Yet as this advantage may be overbalanced by cramp- 
 ing the genius and warping the argument, by adhering too ftridlly to every par- 
 ticular, may it not be neceffary, for the propriety of the whole, in fome cafes to 
 alter the conduft by the tranfpofition of a few lines, or the omiffion of an incident 
 which the difference of manners may make lefs interefting to the prefent 
 age? 
 
 It is fubmitted to the reader, whether an impropriety in the condudl is not 
 avoided in the following Imitation, by poftponing the fenfibility and agony of 
 the Poet; fince by appearing too early, it feems to anticipate the force of his 
 diftrefs, which ought to rife by degrees, and in proportion as the importunity of 
 the Intruder increafes. If this be allowed, it is hoped the Author has not done 
 wnifs in having taken the liberty of tranfpofing fome lines of the origir^^aL 
 
THE 
 
 INTRUDER. 
 
 A CERTAIN free familiar Spark 
 ■^ ^ Pertly accofts me in the Park : - 
 * Tis lovely weather lure ! how gay 
 ' The fun ! - - - I give you, fir, good day/ 
 
 Your fervant^ fir. To you the fame 5 
 
 But give me leave to crave your name ? 
 
 ' My name ? why fure you've feen my face 
 
 ' About in ev'ry public place. 
 
 ' I'm known to almoft all your friends, 
 
 ' (No one e'er names you but commends.) i© 
 
 ' For fome I plant ; for fome I build ; 
 
 ' In ev'ry tafte and fafliion fldll'd - - - - 
 
 * Were 
 
 1. Ibam forte via facra, ficut meus dl mos, 
 Nefcio quid meditans nugariim, et totus in illis 
 Accurrit quidam notus milii nomine tanti^m ; 
 Arreptaque manu. Quid agis, diilciflime rerum 
 
 5. Suaviter, ut nunc eft, inquam ; et cupio omnia quae vis. 
 11. Noris nos, inquit ; do6ti fumus. 
 
 M M 2 
 
268 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 ' Were there the leaft regard for merit ! 
 
 ' The rich in purfe are poor in fpirit. 
 
 ' You know fir Pagode : (here I'll give ye 15 
 
 ' A front I've drav.n him for a privy) 
 
 * This winter, fir, as Tm a finner, 
 
 ' He has not afk'd me once to dinner/ 
 
 Quite overpower d Avith this intrufion 
 I flood in fdence and confufion. 20 
 
 He took th' advantage and purfued : 
 ' Perhaps, fir, yon may think me rude ; 
 
 * But fure I may fuppofe my talk 
 
 ' Will lefs diflurb you while you walk : 
 
 * And yet I now may fpoil a thought : 25 
 
 * But that's indeed a venial fault : 
 
 ' I only mean to fuch, d'ye fee, 
 
 ' Who write with cafe like you and me. 
 
 * I write a fonnet in a minute : 
 
 ' Upon my foul there 's nothing in it. 30 
 
 * But you to all your friends are partial : 
 
 * You reckon * * * another Martial 
 
 * He'd think a fortnight well beflow'd 
 - * To Avrite an epigram or ode. 
 
 e * * * * 'g 
 
 23 '■ Nam quis me fcribeie plures 
 
 Aut citilis poffit verfus? 
 
 39. Si 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 269 
 
 « * * * * 's no poet to my knowledge ; 35 
 
 ' I knew him very well at college : 
 
 * IVe writ more verfes in an hour, 
 ' Than he could ever do in four. 
 
 ' You'll find me better worth your knowing - - — 
 
 * But tell me ; Avhich way are you going ?' 40 
 
 What various tumults fwell'd my breaft, 
 With paffion, fliame, difguft oppreft I 
 This courtfliip from my brother Poet ! 
 Sure no fimilitude can fliow it. 
 
 Not young Adonis, when purfued 45 
 
 By amorous antiquated prude ;. 
 Not Gulliver's diftrefsful face, 
 When in the Yahoe's loath'd embrace. 
 
 In rage, confufion, and difmay. 
 Not knowing what to do or fay : 50 
 
 And having no recourfe but lying, 
 
 A friend at Lambeth lies a dying. 
 
 * Lambeth !' (he realTumes his talk) 
 
 ' Acrofs the bridge the finefl; walk. 
 
 ' Don't 
 
 39. Si ben6 me novi, non Vifcum pluris amicum, 
 Non Varium, facies. 
 
 40. . Hinc quo nunc iter eft llbi ? 
 
 52. Nil opus eft te 
 
 Circumagi : quemdam volo vifere, non tibi notum : 
 
 Trans 
 
270 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. . 
 
 « Don't you admire the Chinefe bridges, 55 
 
 * That wave in fun-ows and in ridges ? 
 
 ' They've finifli'd fuch an one at Hampton : 
 ' Faith 'twas a plan I never dreamt on 
 
 • The prettieft thing that e'er was feen 
 
 Tis printed in the Magazine. ' 60 
 
 i » 
 
 This wild faiTago who could bear ? 
 Sometimes I run ; then flop and ftare ; 
 Vex'd and tormented to the quick, 
 By turns grow choleric and fick : 
 
 And glare my eye, and fhew the white, 65 
 
 Like vicious horfes when they'd bite. 
 
 Regardlefs of my eye or ear. 
 
 His jargon he renews 
 
 * D'ye hear 
 * Who 'twas compofed the Taylor's dance ? 
 ' I pra<S;ifed fifteen months in France. 70 
 
 * I wrote 
 
 Trans Tiberim longe cubat is, piope Caefaris hortos. 
 
 Nil habeo quod agani, et non fum piger : ufque fequar te. 
 55. _ . Q^J^^ quidlibet ille 
 
 Garriret, vicos, lirbem laudarel.— — 
 65. Demitto auriculas, ut iniquas mentis afellus. 
 70. ... ._ Qyjg membra movere 
 
 Mollius ? 
 
 y6. Invideaf 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 271 
 
 * I wrote a play 'twas done in hafte 
 
 * I know the prefent want of tafte, 
 
 * And dare not truft it on the town 
 
 * No tragedy will e'er go down. 
 
 * The new burletta 's now the thing * 75 
 
 * Pray did you never hear me fmg ?' 
 Never indeed. 
 
 * Next time we meet 
 
 ' We're juft now coming to the ftreet. - - - - 
 
 * Blefs me ! I almoft had forgot : 
 
 * There's poor Jack Stiles will go to pot. 80 
 
 * Sir Scrutiny has preft me daily 
 
 ' To be this hour at the Old Bailey, 
 
 * To witnefs to his good behaviour : 
 
 * My uncle's voter under favour 
 
 * Egad, I'm puzzled what to do, 85 
 
 * To fave him will be loiing you. 
 
 « ^et 
 
 j6. Invideat quod rt Hermogenesego canto. 
 
 80. ' '■ ' i< Cafu tunc refpondere vadato 
 
 Debebat ; quod ni feciflet, perdere litem. 
 Si me amas, inquit, paulilm liic ades. Inteream fi 
 Aut valeo ftare, aut novi civUia jura : 
 Et propero qu6 fcis. Dubius fum quid faciam, inquit ; 
 Tene relinquam, an rem. Me, fodes. Non faciam, ille y, 
 Et praecedere ccepit. 
 
272 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 * Yet we muft fave him if we can, 
 
 * For he's a ftanch one, * a dead man/ 
 By your account lies Jo indeed, 
 
 Vnlcfs you makejome better fpeed. 90 
 
 This moment Jiy to fave your friend 
 
 Or elfe prepare him for his end. 
 
 * Hang him he's but a fmgle vote ; 
 
 * I wifli the halter round his throat. 
 
 * To Lambeth I attend you, fir.' gs 
 Upon my foul youfiall notfiir : 
 
 .Preferve your voter from the gallows : 
 
 Can human nature he fo callous ? 
 
 So negligent when life's at flake ? 
 
 ' I'd hang a hundred for your fake.' 1 00 
 
 I wifli you'd do as much by me - - - - 
 
 Or any thing to fet me free. 
 
 Deaf to my words, he talks along 
 
 Still louder than the buzzing throng. 
 
 ' Are you, he cries, as well- as ever 1 05 
 
 * With lady Grace ? llie's vaftly clever ?' 
 
 * A cant term for a fure vote. 
 
 ( 
 
 Her 
 
 101. Omnes coropofui. Felices ! nunc ego refto : 
 Confice. 
 
 105. '   Maecenas quomodo tecum ? 
 
 Hinc repetit. Paucorum hominum, et mentis bene fanse. 
 
 Nemo 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 273 
 
 Her merit all the world declare : 
 Few, very few her friendfliip fliare. 
 ' If you'd contrive to introduce 
 
   Your friend here, you might find an ufe -> - - -^ 119 
 Sir, in that houfe there's nofuch doing, 
 
 And the attempt zmuld be one's ruin. 
 No art, noprojeB, no dejigning. 
 No rivaljliip and no outjliining. 
 
 • Indeed ! you make me long the more 115 
 
 * To get admittance. Is the door 
 
 • Kept by fo rude, fo hard a clown, 
 
 ' As will not melt at half-a-crown ? 
 
 * Can't 
 
 Nemo dexteriiis fortun^ eft ufus. Haberes. 
 Magnum adjutorem, poffet qui ferre fecundas, 
 Hunc hominem vellea fi tradere : difpeream, nl 
 Summofles omnes. Non ifto vivimus illic 
 Quo tu rere modo : domus h^c nee purior ulla eft. 
 Nee magis his aliena malis : nil mi officii unquam, 
 Ditior hie, aut eft quia do<5tior : eft locus uni 
 Cuique fuus. Magnum narras, vix credibile. Atqui 
 Sic habet. 
 
 15.   I .. I   Accendis, quare cupiam magis illi 
 
 Proximus effe. Velis tantummodo : quae tua virtui, 
 Expugnabis ; et eft qui vine! poffit : eoque 
 Difficiles aditus primos habet. Haud mihi deero : 
 Muneribus fervos corrumpara ; non, hodie fi 
 Exclufus fuero, defiftam. 
 
 N N- 
 
 / OF THE 
 
 V. 
 
 UNlVERSITy 
 
 Of 
 
 P*ltrrji<:i\} 
 
274 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 * Cant I cajole the female tribe 
 
 * And gain her woman with a bribe? 120 
 ' Refufed to-day, fuck up my forrow, 
 
 ' And take my chance again to-morrow ? 
 ' Is there no fliell-work to be feen, 
 ' Or Chinefe chair or Indian fcreen ? 
 
 * No cockatoo nor marmozet, 125 
 ' Lap-dog, gold fifli, nor perroquet ? 
 
 ' No French embroidery on a quilt ? 
 
 * And no bow-window to be built ? 
 
 ' Can't I contrive, at times, to meet 
 
 ' My lady in the park or ftreet ? ISO 
 
 ' At opera, play, or morning pray'r, 
 
 ' To hand her to her coach or chair ?' 
 
 But now his voice, tho' late fo loud. 
 Was loft in the contentious crowd 
 
 Of fifli wives newly corporate, 135 
 
 A colony from Bilhngfgate. 
 
 That inftant on the bridge I fpy'd 
 Lord Truewit coming from liis ride. 
 
 My 
 
 129.     Tempora quffiram ; 
 
 Occurram in triviis : deducam. 
 
 137. Hsec dum agit, ecce 
 
 Fufcus Ariftius occurrit mihi carus^et ilium 
 
 Qui 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 275 
 
 My lord, Sir WilUam (I began) 
 
 Has given me power tojlate a plati, 1 40 
 
 To fettle evry thing between you ; 
 
 Andfo - - - - 'tis lucky that Tvejeen you. 
 
 This morning. - - - - 
 
 * Hold,' replies the peer, 
 
 And tips me a malicious leer, 
 
 ' Againft good breeding to offend 145 
 
 ' And rudely take you from your Friend !' 
 
 (His lordfliip, by the way, can fpy 
 
 How matters go with half an eye : 
 
 And loves, in proper time and place, 
 
 To laugh behind the graveft face.) 150 
 
 ' Tis Saturday. I ftiould not chufe 
 
 * To break the fabbath of the Jews.' 
 
 The 
 
 Qui pulchre noflet. Confiftimus. Unde venis ? et 
 Quo tendis ? rogat, et refpoudet. Vellere coepi, 
 Et prenfare raanu lentiffima brachia, nutans, 
 Diftorquens oculos, ut me eriperet. 
 
 144. Male falfus 
 
 Ridens diffimulare : mecum jecur urere bills. 
 
 Cert^ nefcio quid fecret6 velle loqui te 
 
 Aiebas mecum. Memini benei ; fed meliori 
 
 Tempore dicam. 
 15s.   I Hodie tricefiraa fabbata; viu'tu 
 
 Curtis JuD^is oppedere ? Nulla mihi, inquam, 
 
 N N a Religio 
 
S76 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 The Jews / my Lord ! 
 
 ' Why fince this pother, 
 * I own I'm grown a weaker brother; 
 
 ' Faith! perfecution is no joke: 155 
 
 * I once was going to have fpoke : — - - 
 
 ' Bus nefs may flay till Monday night : 
 Tis prudent to be fure you're right/ 
 
 ( 'I 
 
 He Avent his way. I raved and fumed : 
 To what ill fortune am I dooni'd ! - 160 
 
 But fortune had, it feems, decreed 
 That moment for my being freed. 
 Our talk, which had been fomewhat loud, 
 Infenfibly the market crowd 
 
 Around my perfecutor drew ; 165 
 
 And made 'em take him for a Jew» 
 
 To 
 
 Relljgio eft. At mi ; fum pau]6 infirmior ; unus 
 Multorum ; ignofces : alias loquar. 
 
 1 59. ' Fugit improbuSj ac m« 
 
 Sub cultro linquit. 
 
 j6o. I Hunccine foleni 
 
 Tam nigrum furrexe raihi ? 
 
 163. Cafu venit obviusilli 
 
 Adverfarius; et, Qu6 tUj turpiffime ? magnS 
 Inclamat voce ; et. Licet anteflari ? 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 277 
 
 To me the caitiff now appeals; 
 
 But I took fairly to my heels; 
 
 And, pitilefs of his condition, 
 
 On brink of Thames and" Inquifition, 1 70 
 
 Left him to take his turn and liften 
 
 To each uncircumcifed Philiftine. 
 
 O Phoebus ! happy he whofe truft is 
 In thee and thy poetic juftice. 
 
 168.   ' Ego verd 
 
 Oppono auriculam ; rapit in jus. 
 J71.   Clamor utriaque; 
 
 Undique concurfus. 
 
 173. ■Ill I Sic me fervavit Apollo. 
 
THE 
 
 FABLE OF JOT HAM: 
 
 TO THE 
 
 BOROUGH-HUNTERS. 
 
 (first published in 1754.) 
 
 " Jotham's Fable of the Trees is the oldeft that is extant, and as beautiful as any 
 which have been made fince that time." 
 
 Addison. 
 
 JUDGES, Chap.ix. V. 8. 
 
 OLD Plumb, who tho' bleft in his Kentiili retreat, 
 Still thrives by his oillhop in Leadenhall-ftreet, 
 With a Portugal merchant, a knight by creation. 
 From a Borough in Cornwall received invitation. 
 Well-affured of each vote, well equip't from the alley, 
 In queft of eledion-ad ventures they fally. 
 Tho much they difcourfed, the long way to beguile. 
 Of the earthquakes, the Jews, and the change of the ftile, 
 Of the Irifli, the docks, and the lott'ry committee. 
 They came filent and tired into Exeter city. 
 
 ' Some 
 
280 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 * Some books, prithee landlord, to pafs a dull hour ; 
 ' No nonfenfe of parfons, or methodifts four, 
 
 * No poetical Huff — a damn'd jingle of rhimes, 
 
 * But fome pamphlet that's new and a touch on the times.' 
 
 ' O Lord ! fays mine hoft, you may hunt the town round, 
 
 * I queltion if any fuch thing can be found ; 
 
 * I never was alk'd for a book by a gueft ; 
 
 * And I'm fure I have all the great folk in the Weft. 
 
 ' None of thefe to my knowledge e'er call'd for a book ; 
 
 * But fee, fir, the woman with fifli, and the cook ; 
 
 * Here's the fatteft of carp, fliall we drefs you a brace .'* 
 
 * Would you chufe any foals, or a mullet, or plaice ?' 
 
 ' A Place, quoth the knight, we muft have to be fure, 
 ' But firft let us fee that our Borough's fecure. 
 
 * We'll talk of the Place when we've fettled the poll : 
 ' They may drefs us for fupper the mullet and foal. 
 
 ' But do you, my good landlord, look over your fli elves, 
 
 * For a book we muft have, we're fo tired of ourfelves.' 
 
 ' In troth, fir, I ne'er had a book in my life, 
 ' But the prayer-book and bible I bought for my wife.' 
 
 * Well ! the bible muft do ; but why don't you take in 
 ' Some monthly colle6lion ? the New Magazine ?' 
 
 The bible was brought and laid out on the table. 
 And open'd at Jotham's moft appofite fable ; 
 
 The 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 281 
 
 The tale of the Trees. This chimed in with their bent : 
 And Plumb look't for an hint for his planting in Kent. 
 Sir Freeport began with this verfe, tho' no rhime — 
 ' The Trees of the foreft went forth on a time, 
 (To what purpofe our candidates fcarce could exped, 
 For it was not, they found, to tranfplant — but elect) 
 
 * To the Olive and Fig-tree their deputies came, 
 
 ' But by both were refufed and their anfwer the fame : 
 
 ' Quoth the Olive, " Shall I leave my fatnefs and oil 
 
 " For an unthankful office, a dignified toil?" 
 
 " Shall I leave, quoth the Fig-tree, my fweetnefs and fruit, 
 
 " To be envy'd, or flaved in fo vain a purfuit ?" 
 
 * Thus rebuff'd and furprized they apply 'd to the Vine, 
 ' He anfwer'd : 
 
 " Shall I leave my grapes and my wine ? 
 " (Wine the fovereign cordial of god and of man) 
 " To be made or the tool or the head of a clan ?" 
 ' At laft, as it always falls out in a fcramble, 
 
 * The mob gave the cry for — " a Bramble ! a Bramble ! 
 " A Bramble for ever !" — O ! chance unexpedled ! 
 
 * But Bramble prevail'd and was duly elefted.' — 
 
 * O ! ho ! quoth the knight, with a look moft profound, 
 
 * Now I fee there's fome good in good books to be found. 
 
 * I wilh I had read this fame Bible before : 
 
 -* Of long miles at the leaft 'twould have faved us fourfcore. 
 
 O o ' You 
 
282 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 * You, Plumb, with your olives and oil might have ftaid, 
 ' And mjfelf might have tarried my wines to unlade. 
 ' What have merchants to do from their bufmefs to ramble ? 
 ' Your eledioneer-errant fliould ftill be a Bramble.* 
 
 Thus ended at once the wife comment on Jotham, 
 And our Citizens' jaunt to the borough of Gotham. 
 
THE 
 
 F A K E E 11 
 
 A T A L E. 
 
 [first published in 1756.] 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 It ought to be acknowledged, that the plan of the following lines is borrowed 
 from M. Voltaire, who evidently took his hint from a paflage in Pere le Comte's 
 Hiftory of China, which it is thought neceflary to prefix, in order to fupport and 
 illuftrate the fads on which the tale is founded. 
 
 An Extrad from Le Comte's Memoirs and Remarks, &c. 0(5lavo, 1737. 
 
 Page 335. 
 
 The * Bonzes get a great deal of money by doing acls of penance publicly, 
 which the people efteem them mightily for. I have feen them dragging after 
 them a long chain of iron as thick as one's arm, about thirty feet long, faftened 
 to their neck, waift, or legs. Thus it is, fay they, at every door as they pafs, that 
 we expiate your faults, fure this defcrves fome fmall alms. Others in public places 
 knock their pates with all their force with large bricks, till they are alpioft covered 
 
 with 
 
 * Bonze is the general name for a prieft. The proper term for the poor begging 
 Dervife is Fakeer ; which both in the Turkifli and Indian Language, lignifies poor. 
 Thofe of this fedl who retire to defert places, and pradlife the utmoft aufterity of 
 falling and meditation, are called Jauguis ; that is, united with God. They feem 
 for hours together abforbed in extacy, feeing, as they fancy, the divinity in the 
 appearance of a clear and vivid light at the end of their nofe, which they en- 
 deavour to eifedt by fixing both their eyes equally to that point, with inflexible 
 
 conftancy. 
 
 003 
 
with blood. They have feveral other * penitential alliens ; but what I was moft 
 furprized at was this : 
 
 One day I met a Bonze in a fort of fedan, very clofe (hut, the infide of which 
 was like an harrow full of nails very thick, with their points flicking out towards 
 the man in the chair, fo that he could not bend either one way or the other 
 without wounding hirnfelf. Two fellows were hired to carry him from houfe to 
 houfe, where he begged the people to have compaffion on him. 
 
 He told them he was fhut up in that chair for the good of their fouls, and was re- 
 folved never to go out from thence, till they had bouglit all the nails (of which there 
 were above two thoufand) at the rate of fixpence a-piece. If you buy any of them, 
 fays he, you will do an action of heroic virtue, and your alms are not beftowed on 
 the Bonzes, to whom you may take other opportunities 'if bellowing your charity, 
 but to the god FO, in whofe honour we are going to build a temple. I told him, 
 that he was very unhappy to torment himfelf thus in this world for no good, and 
 did counfel him therefore to come out of his prifon, to go to the temple of the 
 true God, to be inftrudled in heavenly truths, and fubmit to penance lefs fevere, 
 but more falutary. He was fo far from being in a paffion with me, that he an- 
 fwered me calmly and courteoufly, that he was much obliged to me for my good 
 advice, and would be more obliged to me fiill, if I would buy a dozen of his nails, 
 which would certainly make me have a good journey. 
 
 Here hold your hand, fays he, turning on one fide, take thefe ; upon the faith 
 of a Bonze, they are the very beft in all my fedan, for they prick me the moft, 
 yet you fliall have them at the fame rate at which I fell the others. 
 
 • Some keep a fire always burning on their heads : others tie their heels to a 
 tree, and leaning downwards, are continually fupplying a fire with wood, that 
 the flame may rife to their breafts. 
 
THE 
 
 F A K E E R5 
 
 A TALE. 
 
 AFAKEER (a Religious well known in the Eaft, 
 Not much like a parfon, ftill lefs like a prieft) 
 With no canting, no fly jefuitical arts, 
 Field-preaching, hypocrify, learning or parts ; 
 By a happy refinement in mortification, 5 
 
 Brew the oracle, faint, and the pope of his nation. 
 But what did he do this efteem to acquire ? 
 Did he torture his head or his bofom with fire ? 
 Was his neck in a portable pillory cafed ? 
 Did he fatten a chain to his leg or his waift ? 10 
 
 No. His holinefs rofe to this fovereign pitch 
 By the merit of running long nails in his breech. 
 
 A wealthy young Indian, approaching the flirine. 
 Thus in banter accofts the prophetic divine : 
 This tribute accept for your intereft with FO, 1 5 
 
 Whom with torture you ferve, and whofe will you muH know ; 
 To your fuppliant difclofe his immortal decree ; 
 Tell me which of the heav'ns is allotted for me. 
 
 Fakeeb. 
 
286 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Fakeer. 
 Let me fiift know your merits, 
 
 Indian. 
 
 I ft rive to be juft : 
 To be true to my friend, to my wife, to my truft : 20 
 
 In religion I duly obferve ev'ry form : 
 AVith an heart to my country devoted and warm : 
 I give to the poor, and I lend to the rich 
 
 Fakeer. 
 But how many nails do you run in your breech ? 
 
 Indian. 
 With fubmiffion I fpeak to your rev'rence's tail; 25 
 
 But mine has no tafte for a tenpenny nail. 
 
 Fakeer. 
 
 Well ! I'll pray to our prophet and get you preferr'd ; 
 
 Though no farther expedl than to heaven the third. 
 
 With me in the thirtieth your feat to obtain, 
 
 You muft qualify duly with hunger and pain. 30 
 
 Indian. 
 
 With you in the thirtieth ! You impudent rogue ! 
 Can fuch wretches as you give to madnefs a vogue ! 
 Though the priefthood of FO on the vulgar impofe, 
 By fquinting whole years at the end of their nofe, 
 
 Though 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VEESES. 287 
 
 Though with cruel devices of mortification 35 
 
 They adore a vain idol of modern creation, 
 
 Does the God of the heav'ns fuch a fervice dire6l ? 
 
 Can his mercy approve a felf-punifliing fed ? 
 
 Will his wifdom be worfliipp'd with chains and with nails ? 
 
 Or e'er look for his rites in your nofes and tails ? 40 
 
 Come along to my houfe and thefe penances leave, 
 
 Give your belly a feaft, and your breech a reprieve. 
 
 Tliis reasoning unhinged each fanatical notion ; 
 And ftagger'd our faint, in his chair of promotion. 
 At length with relu£lance he rofe from his feat : 45 
 
 And refigning his nails and his fame for retreat ; 
 Two weeks his new life he admir'd and enjoy 'd : 
 The third he with plenty and quiet was cloy'd. 
 To live undiftinguifli'd to him was the pain. 
 An exiftence unnoticed he could not fuftain. 50 
 
 In retirement he figh'd for the fame-giving chair ; 
 For the crowd to admire him, to rev'rence and Hare : 
 No endearments of pleafure and eafe could prevail ; 
 He the faintlliip refumed, and new larded his taih 
 
 Our Fakeer reprefents all the vot'ries of fame ; 55 
 
 Their ideas, their means, and their end is the fame ' 
 The fportfman, the buck ; all the heroes of vice, 
 "With their gallantry, lewdnefs, the bottle and dice ; 
 
 The 
 
288 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 The poets, tlie critics, the metaphyficians, 
 
 The courtier, the patriot, all politicians ; 60 
 
 The ftatefman begirt with th' importunate ring, 
 
 (I had almoft completed my lift with the king) 
 
 All labour alike to illuftrate my tale ; 
 
 All tortured by choice with th' invifible nail. 
 
AN 
 
 ELEGY 
 
 WRITTEN IN AN 
 
 EMPTY ASSEMBLY-ROOM. 
 
 Semperque relinqui 
 
 Solafibi ViRG. 
 
 [first published in 1756] 
 
 P r 
 
ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 This Poem being a parody on the moft remarkable paffages in the well-known 
 epiftle of Eloifa to Abelard^ it was thought unneceffary to tranfcribe any lines 
 from that poem, which is in the hands of all, and in the memory of moft 
 readers. 
 
AN 
 
 ELEGY 
 
 WRITTEN IN AN 
 
 EMPTY ASSEMBLY-ROOM. 
 
 IN fcenes where Hallet's genius has combmed 
 ^ With Bromwich to aniufe and cheer the mind; 
 Amid this pomp of coll, this pride of art, 
 What mean thefe forrows in a female heart ? 
 
 Ye crouded walls, whofe well enlightened round 5 
 
 With lovers fighs and proteftations found, 
 Ye pidures flatter'd by the learn d and wife, 
 Ye glafles ogled by the brighteft eyes, 
 Ye cards, which beauties by their touch have bleft. 
 Ye chairs, which peers and miniftei-s have preft, 1 
 
 How are ye chang'd ! like you my fate I moan, 
 
 Like you, alas ! negleded and alone 
 
 For ah ! to me alone no card is come, 
 
 I muft not go abroad — and cannot be at home. 
 
 P P 2 Bleft 
 
292 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Bleft be that focial power,. the firft who pair'd 15 
 
 The erring footman with th' unerring card. 
 Twas Venus fure; for by their faithful aid 
 The whifp'ring lover meets the blufhing maid ; 
 From folitude they give the cheerful call 
 To the choice fupper, or the fprightly ball ; 20 
 
 Speed the foft fumraons of the gay and fair, 
 From diftant Bloomlbury to Grofvenor Square; 
 And bring the colonel to the tender hour, 
 From the Parade, the Senate, or the Tower. 
 
 Ye records, patents of our worth and pride ! 25 
 
 Our daily leffon, and our nightly guide! 
 Where'er ye Hand difpofed in proud array. 
 The vapours vanilh, and the heart is gay ; 
 But when no cards the chimney-glafs adorn. 
 The difmal void with heart-felt fliame we mourn ; 30 
 
 Confcious negle6i infpires a fallen gloom, 
 And brooding fadnefs fills the flighted room. 
 
 If but fome happier female's card I've feen, 
 I fwell with rage, or ficken Avith the fpleen ; 
 While artful pride conceals the burfting tear, 35 
 
 With fome forced banter or afFe6led fneer : 
 But now grown defp'rate, and beyond all hope, 
 I curfe the ball, the duchefs and the pope. * 
 
 And 
 
 * The duchefs of Norfolk, who was a catholic. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 293 
 
 And as the loads of borrovv'd plate go by, 
 
 " Tax it ! ye greed}' minifters," I cry. 40 
 
 How fhall I feeij when Sol refigns his light 
 To this proud fplendid goddefs of the night ! 
 Then, when her aukward guefts in meafure beat 
 The crouded floors, which groan beneath their feet ! 
 What thoughts in folitude fhall then poflefs 45 
 
 My tortur'd mind, or foften my diftrefs ! 
 Not all that envious malice can fuggeft 
 Will foothe the tumults of my raging breaft. 
 (For envy's loft amidft the numerous train, 
 And hifles with her hundred fnakes in vain) 50 
 
 Though with contempt each defpicable foul 
 Singly I view, — I muft revere the whole. 
 
 The methodift in her peculiar lot, 
 The world forgetting, by the world forgot, 
 Though Angle happy, tho' alone is proud, 55 
 
 She thinks of heav'n (flie thinks not of a crowd) 
 And if fhe ever feels a vap'rifli qualm, 
 Some * Drop of Honey, or fome holy balm, 
 The pious prophet of her fe6t diftils, 
 And her pure foul feraphic rapture fills ; 60 
 
 Grace 
 
 * The title of a book of devotion. 
 
294 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 Grace fhines around her with fereneft beams, 
 
 And whifpnngWiiiTF — d prompts her golden dreams. 
 
 Far other dreams my fenfual foul emploj, 
 While confcious nature taftes unholy joy : 
 I view the traces of experienced charms, €5 
 
 And clafp the regimentals in my arms. 
 To dream laft night I clos'd my blubber'd eyes ; 
 Ye foft illufions, dear deceits arife : 
 Alas ! no more ; methinks I wand 'ring go 
 To diftant quarters 'midft the Highland fnoAv, 70 
 
 To the dark inn where never wax-light burns, 
 AVhere in fmoak'd tap'ftry faded Dido mourns ; 
 To fome affembly in a country town, 
 And meet the colonel — in a parfon's gown ! ! 
 I ftart— I fhriek — 75 
 
 O ! could I on my waking brain impofe, 
 Or but forget at lead my prefent woes ! 
 Forget 'em — how ! — each ratthng coach fuggefts 
 The loath'd ideas of the crouding guefts. 
 To vifit--were to publifh my difgrace ; 80 
 
 To meet the fpleen in ev'ry other place ; 
 To join old maids and dowagers forlorn ; 
 And be at once their comfort and their fcorn ! 
 
 For 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 295 
 
 For once to read — with this diftemper'd brain, 
 
 Ev'n modem novels lend their aid in vain. 85 
 
 My Mandoline — Avhat place can mufic find 
 
 Amid the difcord of my reftlefs mind ? 
 
 How (liall I wafte this time which flowly flies ! 
 How lull to flumber my reluctant eyes ! 
 
 This night the happy and th' unhappy keep 90 
 
 Vigils alike, NORFOLK has murder d Jkep. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 297 
 
 A DIALO GUE 
 
 BETWEEN A 
 
 DISAPPOINTED CANDIDATE AND HIS FRIEND. 
 
 WHY in forrow, my friend, who were always fo gay ? 
 Have you had any crofs, any loffes at play ? 
 Whence arifes this gloom, this uncommon deje(Stion ? 
 Are you jilted in love ? 
 
 Candidate. 
 I have loft my eledion. 
 On Sir Politic's family-intereft I flood : 
 Five hundred, he fwore they were fteady and good — 
 Had faithfully promifed, nay four had fubfcribed, 
 But the day of the poll ev'ry fcoundrel was bribed. 
 Two months have I led this damn'd canvaffing life, 
 Cajoling fome niftic or fpeeching his wife. 
 Plagued, furfeited, poifon d, and harafs'd, I'm grown, 
 Wan, meagre, dejed;ed, and mere Ikin and bone. 
 This fure was enough, but at laft to be beat — 
 Had this trouble and plague but procured me a feat.— 
 
 Q Q Friend. 
 
298 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Friend. 
 
 Prithee fit thee down here, and thefe vanities end : 
 And be proud of a feat in the houfe of a friend : 
 Which no art can obtain and no brib'ry procure : 
 Which true worth, fenfe, and virtue, alone can infure. 
 
 Candidate. 
 
 But while virtue lies buried in mere fpeculation, 
 Who muft ad; for the public, who care for the nation ? 
 Tho' I pay due regard to the title of friend, 
 Yet the cares of a patriot muft further extend ; 
 To his country his prelent, his pofthumous fame ; 
 And 'tis bus'nefs alone can ennoble his name. 
 
 Friend. 
 
 That true fame is the offspring of adion 'tis granted, 
 But a thoufand are bufy for one that is wanted : 
 This bufinefs, we boaft of, we daily create. 
 From an itch to be meddhng, important and great. 
 But to polilh our parts and our reafon refine, 
 Each art is a jewel : each fcience a mine. 
 
 Candidate. 
 
 All arts when compared with the art to perfuade, 
 Seem debafed to fome vile and mechanical trade : 
 
 To 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 299 
 
 To foothe haughty man and his errors reform, 
 Or by reafon averting fome popular ftorm, 
 On the fortunes perhaps of a kingdom decide : 
 Thefe, thefe are my wifhes ; this fliould be my pride. 
 So important a fervice, fuch merit, muft bring 
 Applaufe from my country ; reward from my King. 
 
 Fkiend. 
 
 Should the Minifter s jealoufy check your ambition, 
 What refource have you then ? 
 
 Candidate. 
 
 What refource ? Oppofition. 
 In the Houfe I'd harangue, in the Country declaim, 
 With my breath blow each popular fpark to a flame. 
 I'd purfue the mean wretch to the brink of difgrace ; 
 Unlefs duly appeafed by fome eminent place : 
 Tor no honours, no titles, no ribbands I'd have. 
 Let him deck with thofe trappings fome indolent flave. 
 
 Friend. 
 
 And are there no charms but in place and employment ? 
 No private delights, no domeftic enjoyment ? 
 Are the cares for your kindred, your parent, or race, 
 When compared with the public fo fordid and bafe ? 
 Love, friendfliip, philofophy, learning, and mirth. 
 The' defpifed, can they lofe their intrinfical worth .'* 
 
 Q Q 2 Now 
 
300 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Now reading, compofing, difcourfe, meditation, 
 Are all terms of "contempt or at beft out of fafhion. 
 But tho' fame in this age is to bus'nefs confined, 
 Retirement's the tell of true greatnefs of mind. 
 Let reflection divert you from placing your joys 
 In vain often tation, in hurry and noife ; 
 Let the good and the virtuous your merits fpread forth> 
 In the permanent tribute to perfonal worth. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 30i 
 
 VERSES 
 
 OCCASIONED BY THE 
 
 MARRIAGE AND GAME ACT, 
 
 BOTH PASSED THE SAME SESSION. 
 [written in the year 1753.] 
 
 THE Parliament rofe, and Mifs Jenny came down 
 To the feat in the country, quite fick of the town. 
 She ftroll'd all alone to partake the fweet air 
 In the grove, with the nightingale, linnet, and hare. 
 Oh ! pufs I rejoice beyond meafure to meet 
 My companion again in this happy retreat. 
 
 I was fadly afraid — but no poacher will dare, 
 From henceforward, be feen with a gun or a fnare. 
 While here I indulge a contemplative life 
 You may Ikip to the found of my paftoral fife. 
 Then frilk it fecurely ; for your prefervation 
 Is, at prefent, the principal care of the nation. 
 Oh ! Mifs, quoth the hare, you are none of thofe friends 
 "Who in aiding for others confult their own ends : 
 
 But 
 
302 MISCELLANEOUSVERSES. 
 
 But I fear, let me tell you, thofe aflociatoi-s 
 
 Will be found to our kindred the Avoril of all traitors. 
 
 'Tis true they prote(!:l from the jaws of the clown 
 
 The poor innocent game they devote to their own. 
 
 And I fear, if fome fqueamiili fantaftical glutton 
 
 Should turn up his nofe at your beef or your mutton. 
 
 Your father would order a hare to be lliot. 
 
 And, as chance might decree, your poor friend go to pot. 
 
 Oh ! brittle condition of friendfliip fo frail. 
 
 So rare to eftablilh, fo fubjed; to fail ! 
 
 How plain to forefee my unfortunate end ! 
 
 Has the law any better fecured me my friend ? 
 
 (The law which would never till now fee a crime in 
 
 The moft private myfterious fecrets of Hymen) 
 
 By this A6t you are fafe from each amorous fpark, 
 
 From the Enfign, the Curate, the Butler, the Clerk ; 
 
 But the firft booby 'Squire that iliall knock at your gate, 
 
 With a crack'd conftitution and mortgaged eftate, 
 
 Shall transform (then adieu the poor paftoral life) 
 
 The contemplative nymph to a mope of a wife : 
 
 With your fortune redeem his confifcated lands. 
 
 And your father the foremoft to publifli the banns. 
 
ON THE 
 APPOINTMENT 
 
 OF 
 
 LORD TEMPLE 
 
 TO BE 
 
 FIRST LORD OF THE ADMIRALTY. 
 
 A Parody of Apollo's Speech to Phaeton. Ovid. Metam, 
 
 [WBITTEN IN THE YEAR 1757.] 
 
 HIS royal eye his royal foot furvey'd, 
 His left hand with the glitt'ring fword-knot play'd; 
 At diftance due the fcarlet band appear, 
 Who move by clock-work with the day and year. 
 Nearer the youths in gaudy velvets dreft ; 
 The fair with flow 'rets crown d and naked breafts ; 
 
 Autumnal 
 
 purpurea velatus vefte fedebat 
 
 In folio Phoebus, clar& lucente fmaragdo, 
 
 Verque 
 
504 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Autumnal fronts which various arts repair ; 
 And ftatefmen, reverend in their filver hair. 
 
 Then Phaeton his gracious Prince befpoke. 
 O King ! unlefs this change be all a joke, 
 All Dcvonfliire's invention, dream or fport, 
 Confirm thy promife in this crouded court ; 
 Think not that vulgar token I demand, 
 A rape committed on your royal hand. 
 That common prollitute — but on thy life, 
 O fpeak to me and whifper to my wife. 
 Then thrice the monarch fhook his anxious head; 
 
 At length Yes 1 will fpeak to thee, he faid. 
 
 My fleet 1 give thee for my promife fake, 
 But 'tis a promife I had rather break. 
 
 O Phffiton ! 
 
 Verque novum ftabat cindtum florente coron^ ; 
 Stabat Nuda JEftas 8t fpicea ferta gerebat. 
 Stabat & Autumnus calcatis fordidus uvis 
 Et glacialis Hyems, canos hiifuta capillos. 
 Phoebe pater, fi das hujus mihi nominis ufum, 
 Nee fulfil Climene culpam fub imagine celat, 
 Pignora da genitor, per quae tua vera propago 
 Credar, & hunc aniniis errorem detralie noftris. 
 Pcenituit juraffe patrem, qui terq quaterq. 
 Concutiens illuftre caput, temerariaj dixit. 
 Vox mea fa6la tua eft. utinam promifla liceret 
 Non dare, confiteor, foluin hoc tibi nate negaiem. 
 
 Diffuadere 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 305 
 
 O Phaeton ! confider what you afk ! 
 Ev'n for a feaman what an arduous talk ! 
 You're a mere landman, you Avas never hurl'd 
 By rapid tempefts round the rolHng world. 
 The charge you claim afks fuch experienced (kill 
 As not our cabinet combined could fill. 
 Not ev'n our William, godlike in command. 
 Who rolls his dreadful thunders o'er the land, 
 
 On this uncertain element would dare 
 
 And which of you with William fliall compare ? 
 
 PerTiaps your Lord (liip, judging in your hafte, 
 Conceives the fea a place laid out in tafte. 
 Or, in a calenture, believes the main 
 Umbrageous verdure and a flow'ry plain : 
 
 Temples above and bridges all below 
 
 Perhaps you fancy 'tis another Stowe. 
 Alas ! th' infidious element you'll find 
 By turns to calm, by turns to rage inclined. 
 
 Weigh 
 
 Difluadere licet, non eft tua tuta voluntas. 
 Magna petis^ Phaeton, & quae nee viribus iftis 
 Munera conveniant, ne6iam puerilibus annis. 
 Sors tua mortalis : non eft mortale quod optas. 
 Plus etiam quam quod fuperis contingere fas eft 
 Nefcius aifedas. 
 
 Vafti quoque rfidtor Olympi, 
 
 R R Qui 
 
306 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES.. 
 
 Weigh well the ftorms in each tempeftuous fea, 
 
 The reftlefs roll of the Bifcayan bay. 
 
 There treach'rous Dunkirk, and Saint Malo's here. 
 
 Alike conceal the lurking privateer. 
 
 In fouthern feas the uncertain power of Spain, 
 
 In northern, dread the more uncertain Dane ; 
 
 Your iflands now th' adventurous French invade. 
 
 Now prey with eafe on your defencelefs trade. 
 
 Befides a feaman is a ftubborn thing. 
 
 Much worfe to rule than a fubmiffive king. 
 
 Judge not by me of this rebellious crew. 
 
 Trull me, my Lord, they more refemble you. 
 
 Yet merchants clam'ring at the chance of war. 
 
 Are louder than the patriot or the tar. 
 
 Nor think I want my promife to evade. 
 
 When only this department I diffuade. 
 
 Honours, 
 
 Qui fera terribilijaculaturfulmina dextra, 
 Non agat, hos currus 
 
 Et quid Jove niajus habemus ? 
 
 Foifitan et Lucos illic urbeftj. Deorum 
 Concipias animo, Delubraque. 
 
 Per infidias iter eft. 
 
 Nee tibi quadrupedes animofos ignibus illis 
 Quos in pedlore babeot, quos ore & naribus efflaut 
 
 la 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 307 
 
 Honours, preferments, freely chufe the beft, 
 And call promotion from the Eafl, or Weft ; 
 Thy choice in Ireland, or the Indias make, 
 And thence a government or penfion take. 
 Whate'er you alk you furely fliall obtain. 
 But to afk wifely you muft alk again. 
 
 In promptu regere eft. Vix Me patiuntur. 
 
 At tu funefti ne (im tibi muneris auftor 
 
 Nate, care ; dum refque finit tua corrige vota 
 
 >— — ~i— > quicquid habet dives circumfpice mundus : 
 
 Eque tot ac tantis coeli terraeque marifque 
 
 Pofce bonis aliquid, nuUam patiere repulfam. 
 Deprecor hoc unum, quod vero nomine poena 
 Non honor eft. Poenam Phaeton pro munere pofcis. 
 Nedubita; dabitur (Stygias juravimus undas) 
 Quodcunque optaris, Sed tu fapientius opta. 
 
 B R 2 
 
308 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 AGAINST 
 
 INCONSTANCY 
 
 ADDKESSED TO 
 
 THE EARL OF 
 
 NEVER tell me, my Lord, of the pleafures of change. 
 Nor inveigle from home my reluctance to range ; 
 I plead guilty, variety's vot'ry profeft, 
 By none more than m3^felf her delights are confeft; 
 But to afk where file's found would fome judgments perplex. 
 In each woman we find her, but not in the fex. 
 Whatever their breeding, their rank, or their name. 
 In themfelves only various, the fex are the fame. 
 A wife, by your looks, you would tell me grows old, 
 Oft unfightly in fliape, and Ihe may be a fcold : 
 But poffeft of the charms which your fenfes delude. 
 In the nat'ral coquet, or unnatural prude. 
 You may flatter yourfelf all the days of your life, 
 And you've only obtain'd, what you loath in a wife. 
 Then invite me no more, my kind tempter, to range. 
 Like for like is no gain ; I fliall lofe if I change. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 309 
 
 TO 
 
 Mr. whitehead, 
 
 ON HIS BEING MADE POET LAUREAT. 
 
 [WEITTEN IN THE YEAR I758.] 
 
 'TIS fo — tho' we're furpriz'd to hear it: 
 The laurel is beftow'd on merit. 
 How hufli'd is ev'ry envious voice, 
 Confounded by fo juft a choice ! 
 Tho' by prefcriptive right prepared 
 To libel the feledted bard. 
 
 But as you fee the ftatefman's fate 
 In this our democratic ftate, 
 Whom virtue ftrives in vain to guard 
 From the rude pamphlet and the card ; 
 You'll find the demagogues of Pindus 
 In envy not a jot behind us : 
 For each Aonian politician, 
 V/hofe element is oppofition, 
 Will fliew how greatly they furpafs us, 
 In gall and wormwood at Parnaffus. 
 
 Thus 
 
310 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Thus as the fame (letra6ling fpirit 
 Attends on all diftinguifh'd merit, 
 When 'tis your turn, obferve, the quarrel 
 Is not with you, but with the laurel. 
 
 Suppofe that laurel on your brow 
 For cyprefs changed, funereal bough ; 
 See all things take a diff'rent turn ! 
 The very critics fweetly mourn. 
 And leave their fatire's pois'nous fling. 
 In plaintive elegies to fmg:: 
 With folemn threnody and dirge 
 Conduct you to Elyfmm's verge. 
 At Weftminfter the furpliced dean 
 The fad but honourable fcene 
 Prepares. The well-attended hearfe 
 Bears you amid the kings of verfe. 
 Each rite obferv'd, each duty paid. 
 Your fame on marble is difplay'd, 
 With fymbols which your genius fuit, 
 The malk, the bulkin, and the flute: 
 The laurel crown aloft is hung : 
 And o'er the fculptured lyre unftrung 
 Sad allegoric figures leaning — 
 (How folks will gape to find their meaning i) 
 And a long epitaph is fpread. 
 Which happy You will never read. 
 
 But 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. Sil 
 
 But hold — the change is fo inviting, 
 
 I own, I tremble while Tm writing. 
 
 Yet, Whitehead, 'tis too foon to lofe you; 
 
 Let critics flatter or abufe you : 
 
 O ! teach us, ere you change the fcene 
 
 To Stygian banks from Hippocrene, 
 
 How free-born bards Ihould ftrike the firings. 
 
 And how a Briton write to kings. 
 
312 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 EPILOGUE 
 
 SPOKEN AT DRURY-LANE THEATRE, 
 
 BY 
 
 MISS POPE, 
 
 I N TH E 
 
 CharaSler of Mifi NotablEj m the Lady's Last Stake: 1760. 
 
 YES I'm refolv'd I'll live and die a Maid. 
 
 Expos'd ! and jeer'd ! abandon'd and be tray 'd ! 
 
 Such ufage ! monftrous bear it thofe who can, 
 
 Here 1 renounce th'dt faithkfs creature Ma7i. 
 
 Sooner in cells and nunneries I'll hide 
 The juft refentment of my injur'd pride, 
 Than tame and quiet Hay another minute 
 
 In this vile world and not make mi/chief in it. 
 
 For ever leave the world ! That's not the worft 
 
 To be a nun one muft be papiji firft. 
 
 To change religion and beyond fea roam 
 
 But one may be a methodi/i at home. 
 
 Hold ! to be qualify'd for that, they fay, 
 The hopeful convert firft muft go aftray. 
 
 T 
 
 IS 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. ais 
 
 'Tis, I've been told, a bleffed fituation- 
 
 But then 1 loathe the odious preparation. 
 
 What ! can one then devife no kind of plan, 
 Without this necejjary evil, Man ! 
 Can woman fingly find herfelf no ftation ? 
 Sinner or faint mull be by his creation ! 
 
 Why, faith, without him nothing can be done : 
 
 One can 1 think be nothing but a Nun. 
 
 Whatever woman's vanity may boaft, 
 
 He makes the peerefs and He makes the toaft. 
 
 Her lajl hejl title flie from him derives 
 
 For to be widows we muft firft be wives. 
 
 To this hard fate is every maiden born ; 
 We can not have the rofe without the thorn. 
 
 Then 1 give up the world and all its folly, 
 
 For folitude and mufmg melancholy. 
 
 Oh ! how I long to quit this empty dream, 
 
 And fix fome fober plan, fome lafting fcheme !   
 
 'Twill foon be fettled when I've once begun it. 
 
 I'll go to Ranelagh — and think upon it. 
 
314 MISCELLxiNEOUS VERSES. 
 
 EPILOGUE 
 
 SPOKEN AT DRURY-LANE THEATRE, 
 
 BY 
 
 MISS PRITCHARD, 
 
 In the CharaSler of Maria in the Tamer tamed : 1760. 
 
 WELL ! fince I've thus fucceeded in my plan. 
 And conquer'd this all-conquering tyrant, man, 
 'Vo farther conquejls ftill my foul afpircs, 
 And all my bofom glows with martial fires. 
 
 Suppofe 2i female regiment we raife 
 
 We muft for men grow fcarceifli now-a-days. 
 
 Now every man of fpirit is enlifted 
 
 Why, ladies thefe brave lads lliould be affiftedV 
 
 The glorious fcheme my flutt'ring heart bewitches : 
 
 But hold I've promis'd not to wear the breeches.. 
 
 No matter in this variegated army 
 
 We'll find fome regimentals that fliall charm ye. 
 If plumes and lace recruiting can perfuade, 
 We'll try to fliew our tafte in mafquerade. 
 My feather here is fitted in a trice : 
 Then for the creft, the motto, and device — 
 
 Death's 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 315 
 
 Deatli's head and bones I No we'll have flames and 
 
 darts ! 
 In Latin mottos'men may fliew their parts. 
 
 But owrs fliall be true Englifli- like our hearts. 
 
 Our uniform we'll copy from the Greek ; 
 The drapery and emblems tme antique : 
 Minerva's eegis ! and Dianas boxii) ! — 
 And thus equipt to India's coafts we'll go. 
 Temples of gold, and diamond mines we'll rob : 
 — And every month we'll make a new Nabob. 
 Amid this glorious fcene of contributions, 
 
 Spoil, prefents hourly change and revolutions. 
 
 While high on ftately elephants we ride, 
 Whofe/eef can trample European pride, 
 Think not our country we can e'er forget: 
 
 We'll plunder but to pay the nation's debt. 
 
 Then there's America we'll foon difpatch it, 
 
 This tedious war Avhen we take up the hatchet. 
 
 Heroes and foldiers Indian wiles may catch; 
 
 But in a woman they may meet their match. 
 
 To art, difguife, andjiratagem no ftrangers, 
 We fear no hazard, nor once think of dangers 
 
 In our true chara6ter of Female Rangers. 
 
 \ 
 
 s s 2 
 
316 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 A DIALOGUE 
 
 BETWEEN 
 
 SIR RICHARD LYTTELTON AND THE THAMES. 
 In Imitation of Horace, B. 3. Ode 9. 
 
 [written in the year 1 763.]^ 
 
 Sir Richard. 
 
 WHILE fondly I triumph'd alone in your breaft, 
 And none elfe to your bofom fo clofely you preft. 
 No monarch on earth was fo happy as I : 
 I envy'd no king of a land that was dry. 
 
 Thames^ 
 
 HoR. Donee gratus eram tibi. 
 
 Nee quifquam potior brae Ilia candidae 
 Cervici juvenis dabat ; 
 
 Perfarum vigui rege beatior. 
 
 Lyd. Donee non alia magis 
 
 Arfiftij neque erat Lydia poft Chloen ; 
 Multi Lydia nominis 
 
 Koman& vigui clarior Ili&. 
 
 HoR. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. sir 
 
 Thames. 
 While you on my banks was contented to ftray, 
 With the days and the months I roll'd gUbly away. 
 Nor envy'd I then ('tis no treafon I hope) 
 The Tweed her lord Bute, or the Tiber her Pope 
 
 Sir Richard. 
 
 Piccadilly, it muft be confeft, has its charms : 
 
 By the profpe<ft allured I deferted your arms : 
 
 Tho' the cielings were damp and the walls hardly dry, 
 
 I'd have gone there tho' Burroughs had fwoni I ihould die.^ 
 
 Thames. 
 
 Your neighbour. Sir Charles, has eniploy'd ev'ry art 
 With refilllefs allurements to ravifli my heart. 
 
 To 
 
 HoR. Me nunc Crefla Cliloe regit, 
 
 Dulces do6ta modos et citharae fciens : to 
 
 Pro quS, non metuam mori. 
 
 Si parcent animae fata fuperftiti. 
 
 Lyd. Me torret faee mutui 
 
 Thurini Calais filius Ornithi :- 
 Pro quo bis patieir mori, 15 
 
 Si parcent puero fata fuperftiti. 
 
 Hob. 
 
gi8 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES, 
 
 To gaze on his charms with dehgKt I could ftay 
 From morning to night, from December to May. 
 
 Sir Richard. 
 
 Should your lover prove falfe and abandon your fliore. 
 Rebuilding his houfe where 'twas founded before ? 
 Should I, loaded with picture and ftatue and urn, 
 To prefent you the fpoils of the Tiber, return ? 
 
 Thames. 
 
 Tho' inconftant in thought you fliould often be fteajing 
 To your loved Piccadilly, or even to Ealing : 
 Your walls would I clafp in my amorous arms, 
 And fvvell with delight to contemplate your charms. 
 
 Hoe. Quid fi prifca redit Venus, 
 
 Didu6lofque jugo cogit aheneo ? 
 Si flava excutitur Chloe, 
 
 Rejedaeque patet janua Lydiae ? ao 
 
 Lyd. Quanquam fidere pulchrior 
 
 Ille eft ; tu levior cortice^ et improbo 
 Iracundior Adria ; 
 Tecum vivere amem, tecum obeam liben». 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 319 
 
 TO 
 
 OZIAS HUMPHRY, Esq. 
 
 [written in the year 1777.] 
 
 WE find, in the annals of famed Richmond Hill, 
 That each touch of the pencil makes Avork for the quill. 
 In the morning a picture is lliewn by Patoun : * 
 A volume of poems is publifli'd at noon. 
 With all the bright tints that the palette affords 
 Cleopatra is drawn. With the choiceft of words 
 That bards of all ranks may contribute to deck her, 
 The Treasury -f completes what's begun by th' Exchequer. X 
 But, Humphry, by whom fliall your labours be told. 
 How your colours enliven the young and the old ? 
 And was it for this you indulged in your freak. 
 To excel all the moderns and rival th' antique, 
 On fublime Saint Gotardo to venture your neck ? 
 No poet d'ye find to extol your defign, 
 The glow of your tints, or the grace of your line .'' 
 
 With 
 
 * William Patoun^ Efq. who refided on Richmond Hill, a gentleman eminent 
 for his fkill in painting, who had lately finifli'd a fine picture of Cleopatra. 
 
 •f- Sir Grey Cooper, Secretary to the Treafury. 
 
 % Lord Hardwickc; one of the Tellers of the Excheq^uer^ 
 
 \ 
 
} 
 
 1 
 
 320 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 With lofty Parnaffus proud Richmond may vie, 
 
 And fpout ev'ry hour her bright ftreams to the iky. 
 
 Are the founts of the valUes exhaufted and dry ? 
 
 Then we'Jl cull from their borders the flow'rs of the mead 
 
 To prefent you a wreath not unworthy your head. 
 
 The fwans of fweet Thames their beft quills fhall afford 
 
 Your genius, your talent, your life to record; 
 
 And fhall not your Sheridan give you an ode. 
 
 To defcribe ancient Rome and the charms of the road, 
 
 With the tafte you acquired in that learned abode ? 
 
 From that learned abode fliall Gorilla pour forth 
 
 Her extempore lays to acknowledge your worth. 
 
 From more diftant Elyfmm your Goldfmith fhall tell his 
 
 Old friends at the club how you're praifed by Apelles. 
 
 How Zeuxis admires you, how Raphael fears : 
 
 How the ancients and moderns are all by the ears : 
 
 What zeal old Protogen€s fliews in your fervice : 
 
 How he treats the great Titian no better than Jervis : 
 
 How Proferpine lately was chuckling to think 
 
 She had juft caught you napping on Phlege ton's brink : 
 
 (No mortal fmce Orpheus her fancy could tafte 
 
 And only your pencil his lyre had furpaft.) 
 
 How flie longs to polTefs you by force or by ftealth. 
 
 Now your danger you know fo take care of your 
 
 health. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 321 
 
 Mr. WILKES'S SOLILOQUY, 
 
 THE DAY BEPORE HIS ELECTION FOE CHAMBERLAIN 
 
 OF London: 
 
 A PARODY on Cesar's Speech in the Boat. 
 lucan's phaesalia. Lib. 5. 1. 559. 
 
 THUS far my bark has found a profp'rous gale, 
 And though in this my laft attempt I fail, 
 I've done enough. Scotland has felt my pen, 
 Has felt and trembled in her darkeft den. 
 Home I've fubdued, and Sawbridge to his fhame 
 Is but my fecond in the lifts of fame. 
 I've taught the mob the fenate to defeat. 
 And, fpite of rule and order, kept my feat. 
 
 Of 
 
 Licet ingentes abruperit a6lus 
 
 Feftinata dies fatis ; fat magna perigi. 
 
 Aifftoas domui gentes : inimica fubegi, 
 
 Anna metu : vidit magnum mihi Roma fecundum. 
 
 Jufl^ plebe tuli fafces per jura negates : 
 
 T T Nulla 
 
323 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Of pow'r and profit I've enjoy'd my lliare, 
 
 Truflee, Receiver, Treafurer, Lord Mayor. 
 
 And fince by thefe proud titles made fo great 
 
 That Charon's boat fliall groan beneath my weight. 
 
 What is't to me if 'tis ordain'd my lot, 
 
 Unburied with fome creditor to rot, 
 
 I'll Hill have wine and women whilft alive. 
 
 For Chriftian burial let the vulgar llrive. 
 
 My corfe let bailiffs feize or furgeons tear, 
 
 My fpirit the furviving world fliall fear. 
 
 Nulla meis aberit titulis Romana poteftas. 
 Me fciat hoc quifquam, nifi tu, quae fola meorum 
 Confcia votorum es, me (quamvis plenus honorum 
 Et Di6lator earn Stygias, et Conful ad umbras,) 
 Privatum, Fortuna, mori. Mihi funere nullo 
 Eft opus O fuperi : lacerum retinete cadaver. 
 Fludibus in mediis : defmt mihi bufta rogufque 
 Duui metuar femper - - — - -.lu 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 323 
 
 I 
 
 * 
 
 O N 
 
 PAINTING; 
 
 ADDRESSED TO 
 
 Mb. patch, 
 A CELEBRATED PICTURE CLEANER. 
 
 THY pen in hafte, Thalia, fnatch, 
 
 To fing of Titian and Carach, — 
 
 Baffan, and Tintoret — and Patch. 
 
 'Tis Exeter demands * the ftrain; 
 
 Shall Burleigh's mafter afk in vain ? 
 
 Burleigh, the place where every Mufe 
 
 Her favourite elegance may chufe. 
 
 For there the Romans and Venetians 
 
 Difplay a fliew, which all the Grecians, 
 
 Whate'er ingenious Webb may fay, — 
 
 Could ne'er have equall'd in their day.. 
 
 Protogenes and famed Apelles 
 
 The ftory well enough to tell is. 
 
 How one could colour, t'other draw 
 
 But were their colours warm or raw ? 
 
 Why 
 
 Mr. Patch was at that time employed in cleaning the picTiures at Burleigh. 
 
 T T 2 
 
324 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 Why nothing now remains to fliow it. 
 Except the hiftorian and the poet. 
 And fhall we trull that wanton tribe 
 Who all, with fancy's pen defcribe. 
 No Patch. — but had thy healing hand 
 Been prefent in Achaia's land, 
 Their art divine had now been known. 
 Their tints in all their luftre flione. 
 Honours divine you muft have fliared, 
 A mortal with the gods compared. 
 Did Grecian god or Romifli faint 
 E'er match the wonders of thy paint ? 
 In miracles you far excel 'em.— — — — 
 How fhall, the Mufe attempt to tell 'em ?■ 
 When human forms difpleafe your tafte, 
 111 drawn, ill colour'd, or ill placed ; 
 Or when unfl^ilful hand has hurt 'em, 
 To rock or fountain you convert 'era- 
 
 Make Niobe marble, Battus touchftone, 
 (Salvator never painted fuch ftone) 
 Or change, like Jove, to bull or fwan, 
 111 moulded horfe or gracelefs man. 
 Turn we from poets to the church ? 
 You leave all fidion in the lurch, 
 Tho' beads and reliques oft have fail'd, 
 Your pencil ever has prevail'd. 
 
 The 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 32s 
 
 The holy head of Januarius 
 
 Oft in effect has proved precarious ; 
 
 Nor has the thundering mountain ftopt 
 
 Its lava, tho' his blood has dropt. 
 
 But you at once can make it ftill, ' -».'. 
 
 Or run on either side the hilL 
 
 Your art miraculous the fame^ 
 
 Adminifter d to blind or lame. 
 
 You cure the darkeft drop ferene : 
 
 Give eyes to fee and to be feen. 
 
 Heal the poor martyr flay'd and rackt, 
 
 Shrivel'd and fcorcht, and torn and hackt. 
 
 Reftore the decollated head. 
 
 Revive the dying and the dead. 
 
 Your charity you ne'er withhold ' ''> 
 
 From bodies naked, raw or cold ; 
 
 And when you find an arm or fliape awry. 
 
 Hide the defe6l with flowing drapery. 
 
 When wanton Eve and carnal Adam, 
 
 Drunk with that fruit their God forbad 'em> 
 
 Lie at their length, in fond embraces. 
 
 With bodies naked as their faces. 
 
 You cover Adam's limbs And Eve's 
 
 With thick feftoons of flowers and leaves ; 
 
 So draw the eyes of every prude, 
 
 To weep the children in the wood. 
 
 Where- 
 
^^ 
 
 326 MISCELLAN.EOUS VERSES. 
 
 Where'er you fee ungracious Ham, 
 
 Bent to difclofe his father's Ihame ; 
 
 And, fpite of uiodeft Shem and Japhet, 
 
 Perfift the boozy fire to laugh at, 
 
 You aid the pious brother's cares : 
 
 Your dehcacy fuits with theirs. 
 
 So when each over-curious elder, 
 
 (As if to look for Hans-en-kelder) 
 
 Tugs hard, with trembling hand, to lift 
 
 The folds of chafle Sufanna's fliift; 
 
 If Time, whofc trick is to difcover, 
 
 As much as any tatling lover, 
 
 Should make a third with thefe unfolders, 
 
 And leave her bare to all beholders ; 
 
 A veil, by your propitious art, 
 
 White and unfpotted as her heart. 
 
 O'er the much-injured matron hung. 
 
 Shall fliield her from the cenfuring tongue. 
 
 Alcideis's ill-diretted wife, 
 
 Gave him a fliirt, Avhich coft his life : 
 
 You gave his Omphale a fhift, 
 
 Which proves a better-fated gift. 
 
 It fits fo gracefully upon her. 
 
 And recommends her to his Honour*. 
 
 * Tlie Mafter of the Rolls, for whom he had cleaned a pidluie, and given 
 fcme drapery to the figure of Omphale. 
 
 But 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 327 
 
 But be it ftill your greateft praife. 
 
 From dull obfcurity to raife, 
 
 From all thofe evils that affault 'em, 
 
 From gums, from oils, from deadly fpaltum ;: 
 
 And give to works almoft divine. 
 
 Once more in native tints to iliine. 
 
 Then I, like Newton's * bard, may write, 
 
 Patch waved his brufli, and all was light. 
 
 * Vide the Infcriptiou on Newton's Monument in Weftminfter Abbey. 
 
 te« 
 
328 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 O N 
 
 SEEING THE HEAD 
 Sir ISAAC NEWTON, 
 
 jjl Richly gilt, and placed by a celebrated Optician upon the top of a certain Temple, 
 
 in a conlpicuous part of his Garden on Richmond Hill. 
 
 R E S O LVED to refcue Newton's buft 
 From dull obfcurity and duft, 
 Or the vile purpofe of a fign, 
 And give the demigod a flirine ; 
 Eirft o'er his venerable head 
 The moft refplendent gold I fpread : 
 This obvious and apparent hint . 
 Befpeaks him majler of the mint*. 
 Next (that the hero might be placed 
 To ihew his genius and my tafte) 
 An infulated building's top 
 Affords his contemplation fcope. 
 No walls his a6live eye t' imprifon ; 
 No trees to intercept th' horizon ; 
 Prevent the planets path to trace, 
 And fpeculate on time and Jpace. 
 
 * Sir Ifaac Newton was mailer of the mint. 
 
 Here 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 329 
 
 Here be he fixt till reftlefs love 
 Of knowledge inftigates to move, 
 To depths where nature gives to view • 
 Her treafures to the chefen few. 
 , For as he proves that all things tend 
 By their own nature to defcend, 
 He, by the laws of gravitation^ 
 May gain a more convenient ftation. 
 From whence his all-exploring eye. 
 In nature's fecrets beft may pry. 
 There undiscover'd yet, may find 
 The hidden origin of wind : 
 And, traced from their myfterious fource, 
 Dete6t \he fountains in their courfe ; 
 With curious obfervation, mark well 
 How gufliing waters foam and fparkle ; 
 Compare their luftre as they pafs 
 With hues of the prifmatic glafs : 
 Till, yielding now to his enquiries, 
 The yet impenetrable Iris, 
 Shall all the various colours fliew, 
 That decorate her zvond'rous how. 
 
 Uu 
 
350 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 TO A LADY 
 
 WHO WAS VERY HANDSOME, 
 and had asked the author his opinion ob the witch of endor. 
 
 Dear Madam> 
 
 You honoured me with your commands to give you the 
 moft complete idea of the Witch of Endor ; — ^I can find no way to 
 do it fo exactly, as by recommending to you to look in the glafs. 
 You will fee by this how much I am. 
 
 Your devoted humble Servant, 
 
 R, O. Cambridge.. 
 
 "■£,- 
 
 A CURIOUS lady bids me fend lier^ 
 My notions of the Witch of Endor ; 
 And I her perfon to defcribe well, 
 Shall trull to nothing but the Bible. 
 For little fliall I mind Delany, 
 Who only writes to entertain ye. 
 Much lefs the poet or the painter. 
 Who both with age and wrinkles taint her, 
 While each for half-a-crown would faint her. 
 But I, who from my earlieft youth 
 Have never writ or fpoke but truth, 
 Will fliew her merits from the Scripture, 
 Of which they wantonly have ftripp'd her.. 
 
 6, 
 
 There 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 331 
 
 Tliere you will find no \vord of her age 
 But much of her addrefs and courage ; 
 Who when flie faw the daftard Saul 
 So weaken'd by his fright and fall, 
 Difmay'd with grifsly ghoft of faint. 
 With vapoui^s and with hunger faint ; 
 She would not do him good by half, 
 So baked her bread and kill'd her calf. 
 The time was fhort ; the bread was hot ; 
 No yeaft or leaven to be got. 
 The veal, the' fat, could not be tender. — 
 — But for the geu'rous Maid of Endor, 
 Adom'd with each engaging quality 
 To ornament her hofpitality. 
 Good fenfe, good humour, truly rich in, 
 It mull be own'd flie was bewitching. 
 
 vv Si 
 
332 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 A P ARO D Y 
 
 OF 
 
 ACHILLES' SPEECH, 
 
 POPE'S HOMER, BOOK FIRST, LINE 309- 
 
 Occafioned by the Author hearing of a Clergyman, who, in a violent fit of Anger,, 
 threw his Wig into the Fire, and turned his Son out of Doors. 
 
 " NOW by this facred perriwig I fvvear, 
 " Which never more fliall locks or ringlets bear, 
 " Which never more fhall form the fmart toupee, 
 " Forced from it's parent head, — (as thou from me) ; 
 " Once 'twas live hair ; now form'd by th' Artift's haud,^ 
 " It aids the labours of the facred band ; "Adds 
 
 Now by this facred fceptre hear me fwear, 
 Which never more fhall leaves or bloflbms bear;- 
 Which fever'd from the trunk (as I from thee,) 
 On the bare mountains left it's parent tree ; 
 This fceptre form'd by temper'd Heel to prove 
 An enfign of the delegates of Jove, 
 
 Ut fceptrumhoc (dextr^ fceptrum nam forte gerebat)- 
 Nunquam fronde levi fundet virgulta nee umbras : 
 Cum femel in fylvis imo de ftirpe recifum 
 Matre caret, pofuitque comas et brachia ferro: 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 333 
 
 " Adds to the Vicar's brow a decent grace, 
 " And pours a glory round his rev'rend face. 
 " By this I fwear, when thou fhalt alk again , 
 " My doors to enter, thou flialt aft in vain." 
 
 He fpoke, and furious with indignant ire 
 Hurl'd the vaft hairy texture on the fire ; 
 Then fternly filent fate — the active flame 
 Remorfelefs waftes the foft and tender frame: 
 Writhed to and fro confumes the tortured hair, 
 And lofl; in fmoke attenuates to air. 
 
 From whom the power of Laws and Juftice fprings ; 
 (Tremendous Oath ! inviolate to Kings,) 
 By this I fwear, when bleeding Greece again 
 Shall call Achilles, (he (hall call in vain. 
 
 He fpoke, and furious hurl'd againft the ground. 
 His fceptre, ftarr'd with golden fluds around. 
 Then fternly filent fate— with like difdaia 
 The raging King return'd his frowns again» 
 
 Olim arbosj nunc artificis manus sere decoro 
 lDclufi.t, patribufque dedit geftare Latinis. 
 
 ViRo. JEtf^iD. Lib. xii. 1. sod 
 
 Uu S 
 
334 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 A PARO D Y 
 
 O N 
 
 "DEATH AND THE LADY;" 
 
 In a Dialogue between Lord Noeth and Lord Sandwich: 
 
 Written extempore, and occasioned by Lord Sandwich's exaggerated praife 
 of that compofition, and his defying Mr. Cambridge, in a large company, 
 to produce any thing of equal merit. 
 
 ^WRITTEN ABOIJT THE YEAR I780.] 
 
 I/OED NORTH. 
 
 PROUD lord of fleets, lay your commiflion down, 
 And walk a private man about the town. 
 I now refume the ihining poft I gave ye, 
 And you no more mull lord it o'er the navy. 
 
 LORD 
 
 DEATH. 
 
 Fair lady, lay your coftly robes afide. 
 No longer fhall you glory in your pride ; 
 Take leave of ev'ry carnal vain delight, 
 I'm come to fummon you away to-night. 
 
 lADY. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 335 
 
 LORD SANDWICH. 
 
 What bold attempt is this ; will you, my lord, 
 Prefume to threat or move me from my board ? 
 Mull I, lord Sandwich, yield to your decree, 
 Becaufe you're bigger round the waift than me ? 
 
 LORD NORTH. 
 
 Reply not to me with a catch-clUb jeft. 
 And know the man with whom you dare contell. 
 Play not with my fuperior pow'r and worth ; 
 My rank is Premier, and my name is North. 
 
 lA DY, 
 
 What bold attempt is this ? pray let me know,. 
 From whence you come and whither I muft go;. 
 Muft I, a Lady, yield to ftoop and bow 
 To fuch a pale-fac'd vifage ? Who art thou .' 
 
 LORD 
 
 DEATH. 
 
 Do you not know me ? Well ; I'll tell you then, 
 Tis I that conquer all the fons of men : 
 No pitch of Honour from my dart is free ; 
 My name is Death ; have you not heard of me ? 
 
 tADT. 
 
336 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 LOED SANDWICH. 
 
 Thy power and worth are not to me unknown ; 
 
 But ftill I think more highly of my own : 
 
 For while the Fleet is my peculiar care, 
 
 I awe the French, the Spaniard, and Lord Mayor. 
 
 LORD NORTH. 
 
 Great is your power, but greater my command ; 
 You prefs the City ; but I tax the Land ; 
 And, as my A^arious Features fmile or pout, 
 S>o fure this man comes in, and that goes out. 
 
 LORD 
 « 
 
 XADY. 
 
 Yes ; I have heard of thee time after time; 
 But being in the glory of my prime, 
 I did not think you wou'd have call'd fo foon. 
 What! muft my morning fun go down at noon? 
 
 DEATH. 
 
 Talk not of noon ^ you may as well be mute ; 
 It is no longer time for to difpute ; 
 Your ri<;hcs, jewels, gold, and garments leave. 
 Your houfe and land muft all new matters have. 
 
 LADY. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 537 
 
 LORD SANDWICH. 
 
 The brave with tyrant minifters contefts ; 
 Inftead of fpeeches now I'll write protefts ; 
 Call back the thunderllruck feceding crew, 
 Inftead of going out, I'll turn out you. 
 
 LORD NORTH. 
 
 Call not for them, their fkill will never do, 
 They know what 'tis to ftarve ; and fo fliall you. 
 I'll hear no more, I'm fummon'd by the King ; 
 And fo^ — you may proteft, or fpeak, or fing. 
 
 LADY. 
 
 Come all you learned dodlors, try your (kill ; 
 And lei not Death of me obtain his will ; 
 Prepare your cordials, let me comfort find ; 
 My gold fliall fly like chafi" before the wind. 
 
 DEATH. 
 
 Call not for them ; their flcill will never do ; 
 They are but mortals here as well as you : 
 Mine is a fatal ftroke, my dart is fure ; 
 That wound I now will give— and none fliall cure. 
 
 Xx 
 
338 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 AN INVITATION 
 
 TO A BALL AT LADY COOPER'S: 
 
 WRITTEN BY SIU GREY C O O V E R, I781 ; 
 
 And occafioned by Mr. Cambridge having fpoken in Admiration of 
 the Duchess of Devonshire. 
 
 EVER a juft and elegant SpeBator 
 Of beauty, grace, and all the charms of nature. 
 Your moral wit with Addifon might fliare 
 The trull of Guardian to the Britifli fair : 
 With you converfmg Mdth delight we feel 
 You eould with perfed; eafe out Tatler Steele : 
 You've writ the beft things in the Worlds and fure 
 Your tafte furpaffes far the Connoijfeur: 
 A Rambler too you've been, and like the Bee^ 
 Gather'd fweet fpoils from ev'ry flow'r and tree. 
 At laft you turn Adventurer^ and fly 
 Too near the flame of Devonlhire's bright eye^. 
 That charming flame whofe animating ray 
 Would tempt e'en Daedalus to foar aftray : 
 Again your Avings to burn you feem t' afpire ;: 
 You are no child, and do not dread the fire^ 
 
 But, 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 339 
 
 But, ah ! beware the fable's fatal end, 
 
 And e'er too late take caution from a friend : 
 
 Come hither with 3'our Icarus and try 
 
 A flight together in our middle fky ; 
 
 That region has its ftars ; tho' not fo bright, 
 
 They flied a milder and a fafer light. 
 
 ANSWER. 
 
 You've drefs'd me out in borrow'd rags and tatters 
 Of RamhlerSy Guardians, Tatlers, and Spe&afors ; 
 You've given me wings to fly from pole to pole, 
 " With thoughts beyond the reaches of my foul." 
 To claims like thefe I've not the leaft pretence, 
 Refume them all, and gr^nt me Common Senfe. * 
 
 * Another periodical paper, which Sfr Grey omitted. 
 
 X X S 
 
340 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 THE 
 
 PROGRESS OF LIBERTY. 
 
 [written in the year 1790.] 
 
 WHAT progrels does Liberty make ev'ry week ! 
 How quick from Verfailles has fhe reach'd Martinique I 
 And fo foon will her power all the Indies fubdue. 
 We fliall fee her dominion extend to Peru ; 
 For now to her ftandard fo great the refort is, 
 Her conquefts ihe's fpreading much quicker than Cortez. 
 At the rate fhe goes on, Ihe will foon be poffeft 
 Of all hearts that too long have been flaves in the Weft. 
 Then Eaftward flie'll bend — 'tis but crofliner the ocean— 
 And llie'll put the PoifTardes of Morocco in motion. 
 Now, turning Algiers, and the kingdoms piratical. 
 Into popular boroughs and ftates democratical ; 
 In Egypt, a new conftitution and laws 
 Shall end the contention, of Beys and Bafliaws. 
 But how fliall ftie pafs by the ftri6i Dardanelle ? 
 How teach fuch inveterate flaves to rebel ? 
 How imprefs on the children of predeftination 
 Thofe maxims which tend to fuch fi;range reformation ? 
 That tyranny turn to a free common-weal, 
 To etats-genereaux, and a hotel-de-ville ? 
 
 How 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. sn 
 
 Kow make the Vizier fuch a poor renegade. 
 
 As to change his three tails for a Chriftian cockade? 
 
 Should Conftantinople embrace the idea, 
 
 Sure nothing will eafier yield than Crimea ; 
 
 For we know that the mighty Tartarian Cham, 
 
 Submitted to Ruffia, as meek as a Iamb I 
 
 Content to refign on the very firft notice, 
 
 Bag and baggage he fail'd o'er the Palus JMaeotis. 
 
 From the Crim', the divinity lands at Oczakow, 
 
 Then hey ! for her favourite Veto at Cracow ! 
 
 If (he meet,, in her road, hyperborean Kate, 
 
 She may chance to perfuade that fublime autocrate,. 
 
 'Ere Ihe quits this vain world, to adopt her opinions, 
 
 And prefent her to all her extenfive dominions. 
 
 Now in hafte over Sweden and Denmark the wanders, 
 
 To fee how her pupils are acting in Flanders. 
 
 From thence to Great Britain fhe travels with fpeed. 
 
 And, perch'd on the pillar in famed Runny mead. 
 
 She furveys the whole ifland, and finds it in awe 
 
 Of no pow'r upon earth, but of juflice and law ; 
 
 With no wrongs to redrefs, and no rights to reftore ; 
 
 She has all fhe can wifh, and fhe afks for no more. 
 
342 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 ON SEEING THIS MOITO TO A FRENCH PAPER: 
 
 " DULCE- ET DECORUM EST PRO PATRIA MORI." 
 [WRITTEN IN THE YEAR I793.] 
 
 TO die for one's country, I grant is decorum, 
 To eilablifli the rights of mankind or reftore 'em. 
 But I fii^ft muft be fure of my fa6ls ere I full fee 
 That the fate of the bleeding Parifians is dulce. 
 Moll men with poor Agag agree that 'tis " bitter," 
 And for Frenchmen I find 'tis an epithet fitter. 
 Have they died like the heroes of Rome or of Greece ? 
 No. — They fufFer their fate from another's caprice. 
 And Avhen not in the humour to die, they are martyr'd ; 
 
 So, without their confent, they are hang'd, drawn, and 
 quarter d. 
 
 As a tax it is frequently levied ; but no man 
 
 Has made a free gift of his life like a Roman. 
 
 Their zealous compatriots have faved them the labour; 
 
 Each man is fo bufy in hanging his neighbour. 
 
 Which has made the mere mob fuch expert undertakers, 
 
 By performing the funeral rites of the Bakers. 
 
 6 To 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 343 
 
 To die, in fine language, is noble and fpecious, 
 But who dies like a Paulus, * a Curtius or Decius, 
 Devoted for Rome ? or the Theban -f- Mensecius ? 
 Let me iJeefuch examples of virtue, before I 
 Acknowledge 'tis dulce pro patria mori. 
 But left you fliould think that I talk like a tory, 
 Of Livy and Tacitus read the hiftory : 
 Examine the tales which they tell for their glory, 
 And you'll find that of France a quite different ftory. 
 
 *- _ Animseque maguae 
 
 Prodigum Paulum. Hob. 
 
 "t Menaecius— edito oraculo largitu* eft patrise fuum fanguinem. 
 
 GicjiRO Tcsc. 
 
344 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 TO 
 
 A FRIEND, 
 
 WHO WAS A GREAT ASTRONOMER, 
 
 Recommending the Bearer as a proper Perfon to take Care of his Cows. 
 
 OLD Ovid tells, (as I and you know,) 
 A tale of Jupiter and Juno : 
 She, jealous hufly, thought her cows 
 Were fatal to his marriage vows ; 
 And, fwallovving ev'rj's goffip's lies, 
 Befet him with the ftrangeft fpies : 
 Old Argus with his hundred eyes. 
 
 With two he flept, and wafch'd with four ; 
 
 The rafcal ogled with a fcore. — 
 
 Well, but to leave the ancient ftory, 
 
 How is it in the cafe before ye.'' 
 
 Your rooted paffion for your cows, ' 
 
 Diilurbs the quiet of your fpoufe : 
 
 This youth, I prophecy, fhe'll find 
 
 A faithful Argus to her mind ; 
 
 Whofe vigilance and care fupplies 
 
 The want of number in his eyes. 
 
 Wliile 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 345 
 
 While you, fo pradlifed to furvey, 
 Thro' Storer's * glafs, the milky way, 
 Shall there find out a proper ftation, 
 To form a fplendid conftellation ; 
 When you and Joe, your wife and cow, 
 Shall leave your dairy here below. 
 
 * A celebrated Optician* 
 
 Y Y 
 
546 MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 
 
 A FREE TRANSLATION OF BOILEAU ; 
 
 Epift. 1. 1. 61. 
 
 Applied to the immoderate Ambition of France. 
 
 [written in the year i8oi*.] 
 
 THUS of Pyrrlius, enquired his old Tutor and friend: 
 
 Thefe elephants, foldiers, and fliips, to what end ? 
 Pyr. To the fiege ; for I've oft' been invited to come, 
 
 And with glory to conquer all-conquering Rome. 
 Tut. I agree that great glory from thence would enfue. 
 
 And 'tis worthy alone Alexander or you. 
 
 After fuch an exploit, there's no more to be done. — 
 Pyr. Yes — the countries that border on Rome muft be won. 
 Tut. Any more? Pyr. Don't you fee Syracufe is fo near. 
 Tut. Any more.'' Pyr. Give me that, and to Carthage I fleer. 
 Tut. Now I fee, you're refolved to be matter of all, 
 
 The near, and the diftant, the great and the fmall ; 
 
 And I plainly perceive you will not be at reft. 
 
 Till you've tried all the Eaft, when you've conquer'd 
 the Weft. 
 
 * The Author was then in his 85th year. 
 
 So 
 
MISCELLANEOUS VERSES. 347 
 
 So Egypt is yours. Your Ambition then ranges, 
 
 And bears you away to the'Tigris and Ganges. 
 
 But when crown'd with fuccefs and with glory you 
 tire us, 
 
 What's left to be done, when return'd to Epirus ? 
 Pyr. Why to feaft on good cheer, and good liquor to quafF; 
 
 And, forgetting our labours, to fit down and laugh. 
 Tut. Then why lliould we travel to Egypt and Rome ? 
 
 Who forbids us to laugh without Jiirring from home ? 
 
 
 T Y 2 
 
[ 349 ] 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 1. 
 
 ID CINEREM AUT MANES CREDIS CUVare SEPULTOS. 
 
 ViRG. 
 
 THUS Flavia exclaim'd, when beholding the coffin, 
 Which her dear loving fpoufe to the Abbey went off in ; 
 " And why might not I, like the Braminy dames, 
 " Leap to his dear, arms, through the midft of the flames; 
 
 " Here, Jenny, go fend for a load of dry faggots, ; 
 
 " But hold ! — They may fay thefe are whimfies or maggots. 
 " Would it give his dear manes the fmalle/i concern ? 
 " Would his aflies be much difcompofed in their urn ? 
 « If I fay with St. Paul « Better marry than bum." 
 
 S. OM 
 
350 EPIGRAM S. 
 
 ON MEETING AT MR. GARRICK S 
 
 An Author very (habbily dreft in an old velvet Waiftcoat, on which he 
 had fewed Embroidery of a later date. 
 
 Three waiflcoats, in three dillant ages born. 
 The bard with faded luftre did adorn. 
 The firft in velvet's figured pride furpaft ; 
 . The next in 'broidery ; in both the laft. 
 His purfe and fancy could no further go. 
 To make a third he join'd the former two. 
 
 3. . 
 QUINTS DEATH. 
 
 Thy death fhall provide us a general treat. 
 At this critical epoch all creatures fliall eat. 
 To thy tomb each voracious infed: fliall hafte. 
 In thine entrails to batten : luxurious repaft ! 
 May the worm be full-gorged in thyliver and heart : 
 May 'ft thou furfeit the grub with fome delicate part : 
 May the poet too dine, who adorns thee with verfc, 
 And drunk be the parfon who prays by thy herfe.* 
 
 * And fat be the gander who feeds on thy grave, Bath Guide. 
 
 The laft line alludes to a ftory told of a clergyman, who difgraced himfelf and 
 his profeffion by hard drinking, and who boafted, that at a fupper after Thom- 
 fon'^s funeral, he left Quin drunk under the tabl^ whilft he was able to walk 
 home* 
 
 4. ACTEON 
 
EPIGRAMS. 551 
 
 4. 
 
 ACTEON NO CUCKOLD. 
 
 I ne'er can agree on 
 
 Tlie tale of A6leon, 
 With a moral fo much mifapplied ; 
 
 As by wits who fuppofe, 
 
 They may clafs him with thofe, 
 Who have err'd in the choice of a bride. 
 
 But Diana undreft, 
 
 Was too tempting a jeft, 
 To be loft on fo curious a wag ; 
 
 So the goddefs in wrath 
 
 Leaped out of the bath, 
 And turn'd the rafli youth to a ftag, 
 
 IMITATIOir OF SHAKSPEARE. 
 
 There is a honey-moon in works of Tafte, 
 Which gazed on for awhile, grows full and fplendid ; 
 But in the wane is wafting to obfcurity, 
 Shorn of its beams by wanton criticifm, 
 Or hourly fading through fatiety. 
 
 6. THE 
 
352 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 6. 
 
 THE IIISTOEIAN IN LOVE : 
 
 AN IMPROMPTU, 
 
 On the Author feeing his Daughter reading the Life of Mr. Gibbon, juft 
 after (lie had been affifting Lady Newdigate in a Charity for diftreffed 
 Ribbon Weavers. 
 
 Now Charlotte has done with the Newdigate ribbon. 
 She gives all her leifure to luminous Gibbon, 
 Who laments how in Oxford the colleges dunk 
 Of mild ale, and the pipes of the indolent Monk. 
 Then foon as the ftripling grew up to a Man, 
 He relates the reception he met at Laufanne. 
 He begins with the learned and ends with the fair, 
 — He faw, and he loved — 'twas an objedi fo rare. 
 That all gifts fhe pofleft both of nature and art, 
 And fhe offer'd her lover a virtuous heart. 
 So he wifli'd to go back to the Mountains to thank her. 
 But he heard, in his abfence, (he'd married a banker *.^ 
 
 * This banker was Monf. Neckar, who fupplanted the hiftorian in the lady's 
 affections during his abfence. 
 
 7. OCCA- 
 

 EPIGRAMS. 353 
 
 7. 
 
 OCCASIONED BY THE CONDUCT OF THE FRENCH TOWARDS 
 THE POPE IN THE YEAR 1794. 
 
 In times of old, at War's imperious call, 
 England has oft " Robb'd Peter to pay Paul." 
 France, her enormous reck'ning to defray, 
 Peter has robb'd, but Paul will never pay. 
 
 «. 
 
 ON SEEING A DECENT-LOOKING YOUNG WOMAN COME 
 DOWN A STAIRCASE IN CLEMENt's-INN : 
 
 A Pakouy of Jane Shore's Speech. A61 ift. Scene the laft. 
 
 Ye s ! Man, that lawlefs libertine, may fm 
 In ev'ry comer of St. Clement's-Inn. 
 But Woman ! if flie clamber in the dark 
 The vice-worn ftaircafe of fome lawyer's clerk, 
 A writ of error blots her fpotlefs name ; 
 A habeas corpus ever damns her fame. 
 
 Z z 9. TO 
 
354 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 9. 
 
 TO A YOUNG FRIEND, 
 
 Who complained of one Relation who gave late Breakfafts on account of long 
 Prayers,— and of another who gave bad Dinners. 
 
 Our ghoftly guides, to Heav'n who point the way, 
 Enjoin this golden precept — Faft and Pray. 
 How well, O pious youth, thy days are pafs'd, 
 "Who pray with SanBus and with Parous fall. 
 
 10. 
 
 LINES GIVEN EXTEMPORE 
 
 To Dodor MoNSEY, Fhyfician to Chelfea Hofpital, 
 Upon his expreflmg Surprize that the Scriblekiad was not more known 
 
 and talked of. 
 
 Dear doctor, did you ever hear I had 
 So piqued myfelf on the Scribleriad, 
 That every penfioner of Chelfea, 
 The learning and the wit Ihould well fee ; 
 Enough for me if only one fee, 
 But let that one be doctor Monfey. 
 
 11. THE 
 
EPIGRAMS 355 
 
 11: 
 THE rOLLOWING FRENCH LINES 
 
 Being put into Mk. Cambridge's Hand, by a Friend who feemed fomewhat too 
 partial to this fpecies of French Writing, he was induced to tranflate them, for 
 the Sake of introducing the two concluding Lines, which expofe the falj'e Wit, 
 and give a jull Ridicule to the Idea of dying for Lovs. 
 
 Quand vous venez dans ces vergers 
 Vojez les meux que vous y faites 
 Vos yeux font mourir les Bergers 
 Et votre gozi^r les Fauvettes 
 Qui chantera done le printems 
 Quand il n y a plus d'oifeau ni d'amans. 
 
 Each fliepherd falls a victim to your eye, 
 Thrill'd by your notes the birds for envy die ; 
 Henceforth in deferts mull you ling alone, 
 When all the lovers and the bards are gone. 
 Yet fome blind bard may llrike the focial llring ; 
 And a deaf nightingale in fafety fmg. 
 
 z z 2 12. A 
 
fibQ EPIGRAM S. 
 
 .12. 
 
 A. NOTE TO THE AUTHOR. 
 
 At Church, or at Bufliy, your fabbath d ye fpend. 
 Your mind to regale or your morals to mend ? 
 If the former, I leave you the Devil to cheat ; 
 If the latter, I beg to have part of the treat. 
 
 HIS ANSWEE. 
 
 AYhy your Lordfliip is now fo impatient to fearch. 
 If I'm paffing my hours with the State or the Church, 
 I was puzzled — but now I perceive, on the whole, 
 So you get but my news, you don't care for my foul. 
 
 13. 
 
 ON SEEING A TAPESTRY CH AIE-BOTTOM BEAUTIFULL^ 
 WOKKED BY HIS PAUGHTER FOR MRS. HOLROYD. 
 [written in the year I7P3.J 
 While Holroyd may boaft of her beautiful bottom, 
 I think of what numberlefs ills may befpot 'em : 
 'Tis true they're .intended for clean petticoats ; 
 But beware of th' intrufion of bold Sanculottes ; , 
 
 Who, regardlefs of Charlotte's moil elegant flitches, 
 May rudely lit down without linen or breeches : 
 Would you know from what quarter the mifchief may come, 
 Wlien the batt'ry's unraafk'd then beware of the homh. 
 
 14. A TRANS- 
 
EPIGRAMS. 357 
 
 14. 
 
 A TRANSLATION 
 Of the following Epigram in the Eton colle(3ion. 
 
 A O Y K I A A I' O T. 
 
 Mvv AiTKKriTriocovig o (piXoc^yvpog elSev cv o'Uu, 
 
 Kui, Ti TTonTg, (pria-iv, (piXraTS fM, 'rtu^ si^ot; 
 Hov [/,ug yeKacrag, {/.i^Sev, (plXe, <fnj(r*, <poSij6)?f. 
 
 As was ftepping out of bed, 
 
 A lurking Moufe he fpies ; 
 And thus, alarm'd with fudden dread. 
 
 Aloud to Tony cries : 
 Tony make hafte — the trap prepare 
 
 I fee the rafcal dodging. 
 
 Friend, quoth the Moufe, you need not fear, 
 
 I come but for a lodging ; 
 Nor plant that dreadful engine there. 
 
 To catch me by. the neck faft ; 
 For furely I had ne'er come here, 
 
 If I had wanted breakfaft. 
 
\ 
 
 VERSES 
 
 ADDRESSED 
 
 AT VARIOUS TIMES 
 
 TO 
 
 R. O. CAMBRIDGE, Esq. 
 
C 361 ] 
 By henry BERKLEY, Esq. 
 
 [written about the year 1739.] 
 
 \ 
 
 CARMINA SUNT DICENDA NEGET QUIS CARMINA GALLO ? 
 
 ViRG. 
 
 THO' all the filly world, my Friend, 
 Thy manners, and thy life commend. 
 Nor Envy's felf would grudge to fwear 
 Thou'rt honeft, open, and fincere ; 
 'Tis true perhaps in Profe; but then 
 In Verfe thou'rt clean another Man : 
 Generous in all things elfe, and free, 
 A very Jew in poetry. 
 For who but Shylock (with a (lore 
 That makes all other plenty poor, 
 A touch like Midas that refines 
 All fubjeds fl;rait to flierling lines) 
 Would not unrecompenfed befl;ow 
 Thofe riches which fo freely flow, 
 Rather than poorly condefcend 
 T' accept vile ufance from a friend. 
 Which he, I'm fure, mufl; toil to give, 
 And you unfatisfied receive 
 
 5' 
 
 3 A Afk 
 
562 VERSES ADDRESSED 
 
 Afli verfe of him who knows to fing, 
 His well-tuned lyre bid Davies* bring. 
 And boldly ftrike the docile firing ; 
 -j- Drawn by the pow'r of that fweet found, 
 The lift'ning herds fhall gaze around ; 
 Whilft from the deep and oozy bed 
 Sabina rears her aweful head, 
 And, as his notes harmonious glide. 
 Forgets to roll her ample tide. 
 Ah, Cambridge ! may the chatt'ring pie 
 With Philomela's mufic vie, 
 Then fliall be heard my Clio's tongue. 
 Where you and Davies deign a fong. 
 
 Mine's but a lame and fullen Mufe, 
 A Flemifli frow in wooden flioes, 
 Scarce once a lullre fmiles, and then 
 Moft people think flie does but grin. 
 f^. However Avhen flie 's in the vein, 
 I thank my liars, and eafe my brain ^ 
 
 * A friend of the Author and of Mr. Cambridge, who was a very elfegant 
 poet. 
 
 f Immemor herbarum quos eft mirata juvenca, - - 
 Et mutata fuos requierunt fluniina curfus. ViRG. Ee. 8. 
 
 J Laudo manentem. Si celeres quatit 
 
 Pennas refigno quae dedit el mea 
 
 Virtute me involvo prob^mque. 
 
 Pauperiem fin^ dote quaro. 
 
 Lib. 3. Hob. Od. 29. 
 
 But 
 
TO MR. CAMBRIDGE. 363 
 
 But if flie frown, why farewell flie 
 With aH her medley trumpery, 
 With all her fuftian, forced conceit. 
 And limping rhimes, and would-be wit : 
 I'm carelefs when, or how ftie goes, 
 Content with truth and humble profe. 
 Yetf ****** if kind Jove to-day, 
 Defcend in turtle and tokay, 
 To-morrow o'er a chop at Dolly's 
 Calls gluttony the worft of follies ; 
 So you, with dainties cloyed at home. 
 For change to me full wifely come ; 
 My homely board fliall fet you right. 
 Shall wet your blunted appetite, 
 Reftore your judgment to its tone. 
 And teach you how to prize your own. 
 
 + Jupiter et laeto defcendet plurimus inibri, 
 
 ViRG. Ec. 7. 
 
 S A 2 
 
364 VERSES ADDRESSED 
 
 VERSES 
 
 LEFT ON A PEDESTAL 
 
 BENEATH A EOW OF ELMS IN ME. CAMBRIDGE'S GROUNDS^ 1760*^ 
 
 Y E t green hair'd nymphs, whom Pan allows^ 
 To guard from harm thefe favour'd boughs ; 
 Ye blue-eyed Naiads of the ftream, 
 That foothe the warm poetic dream ; 
 Ye eh'es and fprights, that, thronging round. 
 When midnight darkens all the ground, 
 In antic meafures uncontroul'd. 
 Your fairy fports and revels hold, 
 And up and down where'er ye pafs. 
 With many a ringlet print the grafs ; 
 If e'er the bard hath hail'd your power,. 
 At morn's grey dawn or evening hour>. 
 If e'er by moon-light on the plain, 
 Your ears have caught th' enraptured flrain,. 
 From every flow'ret's velvet head, 
 From reverend Thames's oozy bed, 
 
 * Mr. Cambridge never learned who was the author of thefe elegant verfes. 
 
 t The firft line is borrowed from an Ode by Mr. Mafon, publiflied in Dodflejr's 
 CoUedlion. Note by the Author. 
 
 6 From 
 
TO MR. CAMBRIDGE. 365 
 
 From thefe mofs'd elms, where prifon'd deep, 
 Conceal'd from human eyes ye fleep ; 
 If thefe your haunts be worth your care, 
 Awake, arife, and hear my prayer ! 
 
 O banilh from this peaceful plain. 
 The perjured nymph, the faithlefs fwain ; 
 The ftubborn heart, that fcorns to bow,^ 
 And harfli rejeds the honeft vow ; 
 The fop, who woujids the virgin's ear, 
 With aught that fenfe would blufli to hear. 
 Or falfe to honour, mean and vain, • 
 
 Defames the worth he cannot ftain : 
 The light coquet, with various art. 
 Who calls her net for every heart. 
 And, fmiling, flatters to the chafe. 
 Alike the worthy and the bafe : 
 The dame, who, proud of virtuous praife. 
 Is happy if a filler llrays. 
 And confcious of unfullied fame, 
 Dehghted fpreads the tale of fliame. 
 
 But far, O banifli'd far be they. 
 Who hear, unmoved, the orphan's cry. 
 
 Who fee, nor wifh to wipe away, 
 The tear that fwells the widow's eye. 
 The unloving man, whofe narrow mind 
 Difdains to feel for human kind. 
 
 At 
 
266 VERSES ADDRESSED 
 
 At other's blifs, whofe cheek ne'er glows, 
 Whofe breaft ne'er throbs with other's woes, 
 
 Whofe hoarded fum of private joys 
 
 His private care alone deftroys 
 
 Ye fairies call your fpells around, 
 
 And guard from fuch this hallow'd ground! 
 
 But welcome all, who ligh with truth, 
 Each conftant maid and faithful youth, 
 Whom mutual love alone hath join'd, 
 (Sweet union of the willing mind !) 
 Hearts pair'd above, not meanly fold, 
 Law-licenfed proftitutes for gold. 
 And Avelcome thrice, and thrice again. 
 The chofen few, the worthy train, 
 Whofe fteady feet, untaught to ftray, 
 Still tread where virtue points the way ; 
 Whofe fouls no thought, whofe hands have known 
 No deed, which honour might not own ; 
 
 Who, torn with pain, or ftung with care, 
 In other's blifs can claim their part. 
 
 And in life's brighteft hour can fliare 
 Each pang that wrings another's heart. 
 Ye guardian fpirits, Avhen fuch ye fee. 
 Sweet peace be theirs, and welcome free ; 
 Clear be the fky from clouds or lliow'rs ! 
 Green be the turf, and frefli the flow'rs ! 
 
 And 
 
TO MR. CAMBRIDGE. 367 
 
 And that the youth, whofe pious care 
 Lays on your Ihrine this honeft prayer. 
 May with the reft admittance gain, 
 And vifit oft this pleafant fcene ; 
 Let all who love the mufe attend — 
 Who loves the Mufe is Virtue's friend. 
 
 Such then alone may venture here, 
 Who, free from guilt, are free from fear, 
 Whofe wide affections can embrace 
 The whole extent of human race, 
 Whom Virtue and her friends approve. 
 Whom Cambridge and the Mufes love. 
 
 T. S. 
 
 FEOM 
 
 GEORGE BIRCH, Esq.* 
 
 ON RECEIVING A LETTER FROM MR. CAMBRIDGE IN 
 JANUARY 1782, FRANKED BY GEORGE SELWYN. 
 
 WHAT lefs than wit could be expelled 
 From what a Selwyn's pen directed .'' 
 Whatever comes in fuch a guife. 
 Meets Mirth on tiptoe in our eyes ; 
 
 * Author of fome much admired Love Elegies; the Second Edition of 
 wtiich is dedicated to Mr. Cambkidge, and publiflied 1777. 
 
 And 
 
368 VERSES, &c. 
 
 And Fancy chuckles at the thought, 
 What fuch a fignature has brought ? 
 But fay what needs the pen of two, 
 For that one pen within can do ? 
 A pen, that always can, at pleafure, 
 Command our laughter without meafure ; 
 Laugh tei" ! — away with niggard praife. 
 That can delight— ten thoufand ways ; 
 Such wit had current pafVd alone, 
 Tho' Selwyn's fun had ne'er been known. 
 And muft for ever fland the teft. 
 When each Bon Mot is gone to reft. 
 What 's the prefervative you'll fay, 
 That will enfure it from decay ? 
 ^Tis fterling fenfe that guides the whole, 
 Temper'd by candour's mild controul ; 
 Unfailing titles to engage, 
 Applaufe and love from every age ! 
 

 . //r//,T /■ ri/ ^ A //y-f/^/u. 
 
 UJ,r ''f 
 
   //y'//^n.c<^ /^uj . 
 
 n'>u/ny,x WaY (i/'fJi^WoM.Jrt II'.. )'<'///<; 
 
' THAT readinefs at quotation, which diftinguiflied the Author, furniQred 
 the paffage from Congreve's admirable comedy, upon which the humour of 
 this Picture is founded. It occurred to him, at a time when the prefs was 
 daily iffuing frefh anecdotes relative to Dr. Johnfon ; in which, not only the 
 moral wifdom and critical fagacity of that diftinguiflied writer are difplayed, but 
 every trifling or unguarded expreflion that had fallen from him in the lifping of 
 childhood, or in the feeblenefs of age ; and even under the influence of a morbid 
 depreflTion of mind, are not lefs induftrioufly circulated. So unjuftifiable an indul- 
 gence of the public curiofity may well be fuppofed to excite the difpleafure of 
 the Dodor, whofe Ghoft is here reprefented as appearing to his Biographer, to 
 remonftrate with him upon the indifcretion of fuch a proceeding. The alarm 
 exprefled by the hiftorian at being difcovered by his old friend in the midft of 
 this employment, may ferve as a ufeful hint to others who are daily manufac- 
 turing their pincufliions., out of every fcrap and remnant of anecdote they can 
 pick up and patch together. Happening to have an artift in his houfe, he em- 
 ployed him to execute the humorous ideas which had thus ftruck his fancy, and 
 which affords a fpecimen of his inventive genius in the fifter art to poetry. 
 
 It may be right to add, that the Author's delicacy upon the fubjcdl of all per- 
 fonality, made him embrace the earlieft opportunity of fliewing it to Mr. BofvveH, 
 who was fo much dehghted with the humour of the defign and the juftnefs of' 
 the criticifra, that he ftrongly folicited to have it engraved. The Editor con- 
 fiders this as fufficient authority for the prefent publication of it ; and it is here 
 given as an appofite frontifpiece to thefe Efl'ays, from its partaking of the fame 
 good humoured fatire with which they abound. It will be more acceptable, as 
 being a ftriking likenefs of Dr. Johnfon's figure, and the only whole length of 
 him ever publiflied. 
 
 (To face, the Engraving of Dr. Johnfon's Ghoft.) 
 
[ 369 ] 
 
 ESSAYS 
 
 BIRST PUBLISHED IN THE 
 
 WORLD. 
 
 1753.-1756. 
 
 3 B 
 
[ 371 ] 
 
 THE 
 
 WORLD. 
 
 N" 50. Thursday, December 13, 1753. 
 
 Et qua tantafuit Romam tibi caufa videndi ? 
 
 ViRG. 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 . Sir, 
 rinHOUGH I am a conftant inhabitant of this toAvn, 
 - which is daily producing fome new improvement in the 
 
 poUte and elegant arts, in which I intereft myfelf, perhaps 
 to a degiee of enthufiafm, and have always a thoufand rea- 
 fons for not leaving it a fingle day ; yet I cannot help Hill 
 accofting my friends, upon their firft artival from the countiy, 
 with the ufual queftion at this time of the year, ' Well, Sir, 
 what brings you to town ?' The anfwer has always varied ac- 
 cording to the circumftances of the perfon afked : ' To fee 
 the new bridge ; to put a fon to Weftminfter ; the inns of 
 
 3 B 2 court. 
 
372 The WORLD; N' 50. 
 
 court, the army, &c. To hear the new opera ; to look out for 
 a wife; to be in fortune's way at the drawing of the lottery ; 
 to print a fermon ; a novel ; the Hate of the nation, &c. &c. ; 
 to kifs hands for an employment ; to be eled;ed fellow of the 
 Royal Society ; to confult Dod;or Ward ; to be witnefs for 
 Mrs. Squires.' In fliort, the reafons given are infinite, and I 
 am afraid the detail has been already tedious. But 1 mull 
 obferve, that the moll general motive of the men has been to 
 buy something they wanted, and of the ladies to buy fome- 
 tliing they did not want. 
 
 This year, indeed, that general reafon has given place to 
 another, Avhich is not only general but univerfal ; for now, afk 
 whom you will what he is come up for, he draws up all his 
 mufcles into a moll devout gravity, and with an important 
 folemnity anfwers you, ' To repeal the Jew bill.' This reli- 
 gious anxiety brings to my mind the political zeal, no lefs 
 warm or univerfal, in the j^ear ten. I remember 1 then met 
 with a Welc'h collier who afked me for a halfpenny, telling 
 me he was ftarving here, as were his wife and children two 
 hundred miles off. As I knew him by his dialedi to be of a 
 good family, I expreffed to him my furprize that he would 
 leave his principality to come into a country where they paid 
 fo little regard to the antiquity of his houfe, or the length of 
 his pedigree ; and defired that he would tell me why he came 
 to London. He immediately fwelled with all the pride of his 
 anceftors, put his arms a kimbow, and anfwered, ' To pull 
 down the French king,' 
 
 But 
 
N'SO. The WORLD. S75 
 
 But the worft reafon for coming to London that I ever 
 heard in my hfe, was given me laft night at a vifit by a young 
 lady of the moft graceful figure I ever beheld ; it Avas, ' to 
 have her fliape altered to the modern fafliion.' That is to fay, 
 to have her breafts comprcffed by a flat, ftrait line, which is 
 to extend crofs-wife from flioulder to flioulder, and alfo to de- 
 scend, ftill in a llrait line, in fuch a manner, that you (hall 
 not be able to pronounce what it is that prevents the ufual 
 tapering of the waift. I proteft, when I faw the beautiful 
 figure that was to be fo deformed by the ftay-maker, 1 was 
 as much fliocked, as if I had been told that flie was come to 
 deliver up thofe animated knowls of beauty to the furgeon. 
 — I borrow my terms from gardening, which now indeed 
 furniflies the moft pregnant and exalted expreflions of any 
 
 fcience in being- -And this brings to my mind the only in- 
 
 ftance that can give an adequate idea of my concern. Let 
 us fuppofe that Mr. Browne fliould, in any one of the many 
 Elyfiums he has made, fee the old terraces rife again and maflc 
 his undulating knowls, or ftraight rows of cut trees obfcure 
 his nobleft configurations of fcenery. "When lord Burlington 
 faw the rebuilding of St. Paul's by Sir C. Wren, the remem- 
 brance of the front which had been deftroyed, and his par- 
 tiality to the work of his admired Inigo Jones, drew from hira 
 the following citation. ' When the Jews faw the fecond 
 temple, they wept.' I own (though no Jew) I did the fame, 
 when I heard that the moft beauteous remain of nature's ar- 
 chitecture 
 
574 The WORLD. N° 50. 
 
 chitedlure was so soon to be deftroyed ; and could not help 
 reciting those once-admired lines in the Henry and Emma, 
 
 No longer Jliall the boddice, aptly laced, 
 From thy full bosom to thy slender waist. 
 That air and harmony of shape exprefs, 
 FiNE by DECREES, and beautifudly less ; 
   An horfemari% coat jliall hide 
 
 Thy TAVKn Jfiape and co'M'EhiJi ESS o/"side. 
 
 Obferve the force of every word ; and as a teftimony that 
 this excellent writer was peculiarly happy in the expreffion, 
 COMELINESS of SIDE, the niccfl obferver of our times, who 
 is now publilhing a moft rational Analyfis of Beauty, has 
 chofen for the principal illuftration of it, a pair of flays, fuch 
 as would fit the Ihape defcribed by the judicious poet ; and 
 has alfo fliewn by drawings of other ftays, that every minute 
 deviation from the firft pattern is a diminution of beauty, and 
 every grolTer alteration a deformity. 
 
 I hear that an ingenious gentleman is going within thefe 
 few days to publilli a treatife on Deformity, If he means ar- 
 tificial as well as natural deformity, he may make his work as 
 voluminous as he pleafes. A few books of travels will furnifli 
 him with abundant inftances of head-moulders, face-fqueez- 
 ers, nofe-parers, ear-ftretchers, eye-painters, lip-borers, tooth- 
 stainers, breast-cutters, foot-fwathers, &:c. &c. all modelled 
 by fafhion, none by tafl:e. Whenever tafl;e or fenfe (hall in- 
 terpofe to amend, by a flight improvement, the mere defici- 
 encies in the human figure, we may fee by a fingle inflance 
 
 how it is likely to be received. 
 .'6 A country 
 
N''50. The WORLD. 375 
 
 A country family, whofe reafonfor coming to London, was 
 to have their pictures drawn, and principally that of the hope- 
 ful heir, brought him to Sir Godfrey Kneller. That fkilful 
 artift, foon difcovering that a little converfe with the world 
 might, one day or other, wear off the block, which to a com- ^ 
 mon obferver obfcured the man, inftcad of drawing him in a 
 green coat with fpaniels, or, in the more contemptible livery of 
 a fop, playing with a lap-dog 
 
 Os homini fablime dedit. 
 
 He gave him a foul darting with a proper fpirit through the 
 rufticity of his features. I met the mother and fillers coming 
 down Hairs the day it Avas finiflied, and I found Sir Godfrey in 
 a moft violent rage above. * Look there,' fays he, pointing 
 to the pi6ture, ' There is a fellow ! I have put fome fenfe in 
 him, and none of his family know him.' 
 
 Sir Godfrey's confcioufnefs of his own {kill was fo well known, 
 that it expofed him frequently to the banter and irony of the 
 wits his friends. Pope, to play him off, faid to him, after 
 looking round a room full of beauties that he had painted, 
 ' It is pity. Sir Godfrey, that you had not been confulted at 
 the creation.' Sir Godfrey threw his eyes ftrong upon Pope's 
 flioulders, and anfwered, ' Really I fliould have made some 
 things better.' But the punifliment for this profanenefs pur- 
 fued our wit ftill further. 
 
 It is remarkable that the expletive Mr. Pope generally ufed 
 by way of oath, Avas, ' God mend me !' One day, in a dis- 
 pute Avith a hackney coachman, he ufed this expreffion : — 
 
 ' Mend 
 
576 The WORLD. N" 5a. 
 
 * Mend you !' fajs the coachmarx ; ' it Avould not be half the 
 trouble to make a new one.' If it may be allowable to draw 
 a moral reflexion from a ludicrous ftorj, I could heartily wifti 
 that the ladies would every morning ferioully addrefs to their 
 Maker this invocation of Mr. Pope ; and, after devout me- 
 ditation on the Divine patronage to which they have recom- 
 mended their cA'arms, apply themfelves properly to pursue 
 all human means for the due accomplifliment of their prayer. 
 I flatter myfelf that this advice may be palatable, in as much 
 as it comprehends that celebrated example of uniting religion 
 and politenefs, delivered down to us from the ancients in these 
 few words, ' Sacrifice to the Graces.' And I hope the fex 
 will confider how great a blemifli it will be to the prefent age, 
 if the painter or hillorian fliould declare to poilerity that the 
 ladies of thefe times were never known to facrifice to any god 
 but FAsnioN. 
 
 To conclude the hiftory of my unhappy vifit. I mull con- 
 fefs I was provoked beyond all patience, referve, or good 
 breeding; and very rudely flung out of the room, having 
 firfl; told the lady flie need not have given herfelf the trouble 
 of a journey to London, for I would anfwer for him, the talents 
 of Mr. Square, her Somerfetihire fl:ay-maker, were fufficient to 
 drefs her in the moll elegant tafte of the modern fafliion, or 
 indeed (if he was not an old man) to put her in a way that 
 ihe could not poflibly drefs out of it. 
 
 I am, OS a lover of elegance. 
 
 Your admirer and hwnhle Jervant. 
 
N'51. The WORLD. 377 
 
 N'Sl. Thursday, December 20, 1753. 
 
 Quod medicorum eft. 
 
 Promittunt medici : traBant fabrilia fabri, Hor. 
 
 THOUGH there is nothing more pleafing to the mind of 
 man than variety, yet it may be purfued in fuch a manner as 
 to make the moft active and varied hfe a tirefome famenefs. 
 To illuftrate this feeming paradox, I iliall relate what I learnt 
 from an humble corfipanion of a gentleman of vaft fpirits (as 
 he is called by his acquaintance) who thinks he has fliewn his 
 value for time by never having yet enjoyed one moment of it. 
 This adlive gentleman, it feems, propofed to the other to make 
 the tour of England, and ride daily from houfe to houfe, and 
 from garden to garden : which indeed they did in fo expedi- 
 tious a manner, not to lofe time, that they did not allow the 
 leaft portion of it for the objects they faw to make any im- 
 preffion on their memories. In the hotteft weather they never 
 walked under the fhade of the plantations they fo much ad- 
 mired, and came on purpofe to fee ; but croffed the fcorching 
 lawn for the neareft way to the building they would not reft 
 in, or the water they refufed to be rowed upon. Thus they 
 FLEW through the countries and gardens they went to see, 
 with as much fatigue, and not more obfervation, than a poft- 
 horfe in his ftage; and this for the pleafure of variety, and 
 the advantage of impeovement. 
 
 3 C In 
 
37S The WORLD. N» 51. 
 
 Tn what refpeft does this gentleman's conduct differ from 
 his who feeks a variety of acquaintance? The confe- 
 qiience muft be exactly the fame ; viz. ufe and enjoyment of 
 none. An unexperienced man, who has happened to fee one 
 of this turn eagerly following, or boafting of his acquaintance 
 with the builder, the planter, the poet, the politician, the fea- 
 man, the foldier, the mufician, the jockey, would naturally 
 fuppofe he was generally talking with thofe gentlemen in the 
 feveral fciences they refpedively excelled in. No, this is the 
 only difcourfe which he ftudies to avoid. 
 
 Before I endeavour to account for this ftrange abfurdity, 
 I would juft obferve, that the perfons I am fpeaking of are of 
 a very different character from thofe who from a mere principle 
 of vanity are continually numbering among their friends, 
 though upon the flightefl grounds, men of high birth and 
 ffation, and who always bring to my mind juftice Shallow's 
 acquaintance with John of Gaunt, who never faw him but 
 once, and then he broke his head. Equally wide of the 
 queftion is that character, who from a love of talking avoids 
 the company where his news has been already publiflied, 
 and dreads the man who is better heard than himfelf on ge- 
 neral topics. 
 
 Ignouance and an imbecility of attention, if I may 
 be allowed the expreffion, are the moft probable caufes of 
 this inconfiftent behaviour. To avoid metaphyfical difquifi- 
 tions, let us try if we can fet our judgments by comparifon. 
 Men of the weakeil flomachs are very foUcitous of the greateft 
 « variety 
 
N'51. The WORLD. 379 
 
 variety of diflies and the higheft fauces, Avhicli they conftantly 
 reject upon tailing, being, as they confefs, too ftrong for them, 
 though the objects of their delire and expe(3;ation before they 
 were brought upon the table. It is alfo obfervable, that when 
 gentlemen after a certain age devote themfelves to the fair 
 fex, they generally purfue with more ferv'or, and always exprefs 
 themfelves with more warmth, than when in the heat of 
 youth, fo long as the game is out of reach; but a nearer 
 profpe6t of fuccefs foon difcovers the difference between na- 
 tural heat, and the delufion of falfe delire and imaginary 
 paffion. The fportfman cannot be more apprehend ve and 
 concerned for the death of the hare he wiflies to fave, than 
 the old gallant is at the approaching opportunity of accom- 
 plifliing his defires ; which, if he obtain, I am afraid he will 
 fmg no other Te Deum than that of Pyrrhus — Such another 
 vidtory will ruin me. 
 
 I I Ammafque in vulnere ponunt 
 
 was a famous quotation of Dr. Bentley's on the fudden death 
 of an old bridegroom. 
 
 To avoid a dry argument, and as I do not remember to 
 have feen this fubjed; touched upon by any writer ancient or 
 modern, I have endeavoured to throw it into meafure. 
 
 Ye fages fay, who know mankind, 
 Whence, to their real profit blind, 
 All leave thofe fields which might produce 
 Fit game for paftime or for ufe ? 
 
 3 c 2 The 
 
380- • The WORLD. N'SI. 
 
 The well-ftoi-'d M'arren they forfake, 
 And love to beat the barren brake : 
 Sooner their pleafures will avoid, 
 Than run the chance of being eloy'd. 
 
 Dam (ETAS ever is afraid 
 Left merchants Ihould difcourfe on trade : 
 And yet of commerce will inquire, 
 When drinking with a country Tquire. 
 Of ladies he will afk how foon 
 They think count Saxe can take a town, 
 Or whether France or Spain will treaty 
 But if the brigadier he meet. 
 He queftions him about the fum 
 He won or loft at laft night's drum< 
 Or if fome minifter of Hate 
 Will deign to talk of Europe's fate ; 
 Th' important topic he declines, 
 To prate of foups, ragouts and wines ; 
 Yet he, at Helluo's board can fix 
 On no difcourfe but politics. 
 
 Once were the linguift, and the bard. 
 The objects of his chief regard ; 
 Now with expreffive flirugs and looks 
 He flies the haunts of men of books : 
 Yet o'er his cups will condefcend 
 To toaft the prebend for his friends 
 
 For 
 
N-5K The WORLD. 38i 
 
 For depth of reading tell his merit, 
 Extol his flile for force and fpirit : 
 Aik where he preach'd, or what his text, 
 Inquire what work he'll publilli next: 
 What depth of matter, how he treats it — 
 He can't be eafy till he gets it. 
 Wet from the prefs 'tis fent him down, 
 Three days before 'tis on the town : 
 The title read (for never more is) 
 Next having writ ex don aiithoris. 
 He fpends at lead the time in finding 
 A place to fuit its fize and binding, 
 As might have ferv'd, if well directed, 
 To read the volume thus negledled. 
 
 When laft with Atticus £ din'd, 
 Damcetas there I chanc'd to find. 
 Who ftrait addrefs'd me with complaint 
 How Pollio talk'd of the Levant ; 
 And hoAv he teiz'd him near an hour 
 With the Grand Seignior and his pow'r: 
 Then Athens' ruin'd domes explain'd. 
 And what in Egypt ftill remain'd.. 
 This talk Damcetas could not bear. 
 For Pollio had himfelf been there ; 
 But from fome fellow of a college. 
 Would think the fubjeds worth his knowledge* 
 
 The 
 
I 
 
 382 The WO RLD. N" 51. 
 
 The table now remov'd, again 
 Began Damoetas to complain ; 
 ' I knew Eugenius in his prime, 
 ' The beft companion of his time ; 
 ' But fince he's got to yonder board, 
 ' You never hear him fpeak a word, 
 
 * But tirefome fchemes of navigation, 
 ' The built of veffels and their llation — 
 
 * Such fluff as fpoils all converfation.' 
 
 ' Good Atticus, repeat the verfes, 
 ' You lately faid were made by Thyrfis/ 
 John at that inftant introduces 
 This very fervant of the mufes ; 
 Damoetas flarts, and in confufion, 
 Curfing the d — d ill-tim'd intrufion, 
 Whifpers the fervant in his ear, 
 
 * John, be fo good to call a chair;' 
 And flies the fpot, alarm'd with dread, 
 Left Thyrfis fhould begin to read. 
 
 And yet, for all he holds this rule, 
 Damoetas is in fact no fool : 
 For he would hardly chufe a groom 
 To make his chairs or hang his room ; 
 Nor with th' upholfterer difcourfe 
 About the glanders in his horfe ; 
 Nor fend to buy his wife a t^te 
 To Puddle-Dock or BilUngfgate ; 
 
 Nof 
 
N'5l. The WORLD. 
 
 Nor if in labour, fpleen, or trance, 
 Fetch her Sir Thomas for Sir Hans ; 
 Nor bid his coachman drive o' nights 
 To parifli-church inftead of White's ; 
 Nor make his party or his bets 
 With thofe who never pay their debts ; 
 Nor at deffert of wax and china 
 Negled; the eatables, if any. 
 To fmell the chaplet in the middle. 
 Or tafte the Chelfea-china fiddle. 
 
 S83 
 
 N» 54. Thursday, January 10, 1754. 
 
 Hoe novum eft aucupium " 
 
 Poftremo imperavi egomet mihi 
 
 Omnia ajjentari. Is qiucjlua nunc eft mulio uberrinms. 
 
 Ter. 
 
 THAT an effay on hearers has not been given us by- 
 the writers of the laft age, is to be accounted for from the 
 fame reafons that the ancients have left us no treatife on to- 
 bacconifts or fugar-planters. The world is continually chang- 
 ing by the two great principles of revolution and difcovery; 
 as thefe produce novelty, they furnifli the bafis of our fpecu- 
 lations. 
 
 The pride of our anceftors diltinguilhed them from the vul- 
 gar, by the dignity of taciturnity. If we confult old pic- 
 tures. 
 
384 The WORLD. N' 54. 
 
 tures, we fliall find (fuitable to tlie drefs of the times) the 
 beard cut and the features compofed to that gravity and fo- 
 lemnity of afpe6l, which was to denote Avifdom and import- 
 ance. In that admirable play of Ben Jonfon's, which, 
 through the capacity and induftry of its reviver, has lately fo 
 well entertained the town, I mean Every man in his humour, a 
 country fquire fets up for high-breeding, by refolving to be 
 ' proud, melancholy, and gentleman-like.' In the man of 
 birth or bufinefs, silence was the note of wifdom and 
 diftindlion ; and the haughty peerefs then would no more 
 vouchfafe to talk to her equals, than flie will now to her 
 inferiors. 
 
 In thofe times, when talking was the province only of the 
 vulgar or hireling, fools and jefters were the ufual retainers 
 in great families ] but now, fo total is the revolution, voices 
 are become a mere drug, and will fetch no money at all, 
 except in the fmgle inftance of an election. Riches, birth and 
 honours, affert their privileges by the oppofite quality to 
 silence; infomuch, that many ef the great eftates and 
 manfion-houfes in this kingdom feem at prefent to be held by 
 the tenure of perpetual talking. Fools and jefters muft be 
 ufelefs in families, where the matter is no more alhamed of 
 expofmg his wit at his table to his guefts and fervants, than 
 his drunkennefs to his conftituents. This revolution has ob- 
 tained fo generally all over Europe, that at this day a little 
 dwarf of the king of Poland, who creeps out after dinner 
 from under the trees of the deffert, and utters impertinences 
 
 to 
 
N" 54. The WORLD. 385 
 
 to every man at table, is talked of at other courts as a fin- 
 gularity. 
 
 Happy was it for the poor talkers of thofe days, that fo 
 great a revolution was brought about by degrees ; for though 
 I can conceive it ealy enough to turn the writers at Conftan- 
 tinople into printers, and believe it poflible to make a chim- 
 ney-fweeper a miller, a tallow-chandler a perfumer, a game- 
 fter a politician, a fine lady a flock-jobber, or a blockhead a 
 connoifleur; I can have no idea of fo ftrange a metamorphofis 
 as that of a talker into a hearer. That hearers, how- 
 ever, have arifen in later times to anfwer in fome degree the 
 demand for them, is apparent from the numbers of them 
 which are to be found in moft families, under the various de- 
 nominations of coufin, humble-companion, chaplain, led- 
 captain, toad-eater, &c. But though each of thefe charac- 
 ters frequently officiates in the poft of hearer, it will be a 
 great miftake if a hearer lliould imagine he may ever in- 
 terfere in any of their departments. When the toad-eater 
 opens in praife of mufty venifon, or a greafy ragout ; when 
 the led-captain and chaplain commend prickt-wine, or other 
 liquors, fuch as the French call Chajfe-coujin, the hear- 
 er, muft fubmit to be poifoned in silence. When the cou- 
 fin is appealed to for the length of a fox-chace, and out-lies 
 his patron ; when the fquire of the fens declares he has no 
 dirt near his houfe, and the coufin fwears it is a hard gravel 
 for five miles round ; or when the hill improver afferts that 
 he never faw his turf burn before, and turning fliort, fays, 
 
 3D 'Did 
 
$86 The WORLD. N»54. 
 
 * Did You, coufin ?' In fuch cafes as thefe the anfwers may 
 give a dangerous example: for if a raw whelp of a hearer 
 iliould happen to give his tongue, he will be rated and cor- 
 rected like a puppy. 
 
 The great duty therefore of this office is silence; and I 
 could prove the high antiquity of it by the Tyro's of the Py- 
 thagorean fchool, and the ancient worlliip of Harpocrates, the 
 tutelary de'^y of this fe6l. Pythagoras bequeathed to his 
 fcholars that celebrated rule, which has never yet been rightly 
 underftood, ' Worfhip, or rather, ftudy the echo ;' evidently 
 intending thereby to inculcate, that hearers fliould obferve, 
 that an echo never puts in a word till the speaker comes 
 to a paufe. A great and comprehenfive leiTon ! but beings 
 perhaps, too concife for the inftrudlion of vulgar minds, it 
 may be neceflary to defcend more minutely into particular 
 hints and cautions. 
 
 A HEARER muft not be drowfy: for nothing perplexes a 
 TALKER like the accident of fleep in the midft of his ha- 
 rangue: and I have known a French talker rife up and- 
 hold open the eye-lids of a Dutch hearer with his finger 
 and thumb. 
 
 He muft not fquint : for no lover is fo jealous as a true 
 TALKER, who will be perpetually watching the motion of the- 
 eyes, and always fufpe(!:l;ing that the attention is directed to 
 that fide of the room to which they point. 
 
 A HEARER muft not be a feer of fights : he muft let a hare 
 pafs as quietly as an ox ; and never interrupt narration, by, 
 
 crying 
 
N°54. The WORLD. S87 
 
 crying out at fight of a highwayman or a mad dog. An ac- 
 quaintance of mine, Avho hved with a maiden aunt, loft a 
 good legacy by the ill-timed arrival of a coach and fix, which 
 he firft difcovered at the end of the avenue, and announced 
 as a moft acceptable hearing to the pride of the family: but 
 it happened unluckily to be at the very time that the lady of 
 the houfe was relating the critical moment of her life, when 
 llie was in the greateft danger of breaking her vow of ce- 
 libacy. 
 
 A HEAiiER muft not have a weak head : for though the 
 TALKER may like he fliould drink with him, he docs not 
 choofe he fliould fall under the table till himfelf is 
 fpeechlefs. 
 
 He muft not be a news-monger : becaufe times paft have 
 already furniflied the head of his patron with all the ideas he 
 chufes it fliould be ftored with. 
 
 Laftly, and principally, a hearer muft not be a wit. I 
 remember one of this profeflion being told by a gentleman, 
 who to do him juftice was a very good feaman, that he had 
 rode from Portfmouth to London in four hours, aflicd, ' if it 
 was by Shrew flbury clock ?' It happened the perfon fo interro- 
 gated had not read Shakfpeare ; which was the only reafon I 
 could afllgn why the adventurous querift was not immediately 
 fent aboard the Stygian tender. 
 
 But here we muft obferve that silence, in the opinion of 
 a talker, is not merely a fuppreftion of the action of the 
 tongue ; it is alfo neceffary that every mufcle of the face and 
 
 3 D 2 member 
 
388 The WORLD. N' 54. 
 
 member of tlie body fliould receive its motion from no other 
 fenfation than that which the talker communicates through 
 the ear. 
 
 A HEARER therefore muft not have the fidgets: he muft 
 not ftart if he hears a door clap, a gun go off, or a cry of 
 murder. He muft not fnuff with his noftrils if he fmell fire; 
 becaufe, though he fliould fave the houfe by it, he will be as 
 ill rewarded as CafTandra for her endeavours to prevent the 
 flames of Troy, or Gulliver for extinguifliing thofe of Lil- 
 liput. 
 
 There are many more hints which I fliould be defirous of 
 communicating for the benefit of beginners, if I was not 
 afraid of making my paper too long to be properly read and 
 confidered within the compafs of a week, in which the greateft 
 part of every morning is neceflarily dedicated to mercers, 
 milliners, hair-cutters, voters, levees, lotteries, lounges, &C'. 
 ] flia 11 therefore fay a word or two to the talkers, and 
 haften to a conclufion. 
 
 And here it would be very impertinent, and going much out 
 of the way, were I to interfere in the juft rights which thefe 
 gentlemen have over their own officers and domeftics. I 
 would only recommend to them, Avhen they come into other 
 company, to confider that it is expedled the talk of the day 
 fliould be proportioned among them in degrees, according 
 to the acres they feverally poffefs, or the number of ftars 
 annexed to their names in the lift printed from the public 
 funds: that hearing is an involuntary tribute, which is 
 
 paid. 
 
N''54. The WORLD. 389 
 
 paid, like other taxes, with a relu6tance increafing in pro- 
 portion to the riches of the perfon taxed : that it is a falfe 
 argument for a talker to fay to a jaded audience he will 
 tell a ftory that is true, great, or any way excellent ; for when 
 a man has eat of the firft and fecond courfe till he is full 
 to the throat, you tempt him in vain at the third, by afPuring 
 him the plate you offer is one of the beft entremets Le 
 Geange ever made. 
 
 N" 55. Thursday, January 17, 1754. 
 
 •ExtinSius amabitur. Hob. 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam.. 
 
 Sir,, 
 
 I AM one of thofe benevolent perfons, who having no land 
 of their own, and not being free of any one corporation, like 
 true citizens of the world, turn all their thoughts to the good 
 of the public, and are known by the general name of Pro- 
 jectors. All the good I ever did or thought of, was for the 
 public. My fole anxiety has been for the fecurity, health, 
 revenue and credit of the public : nor did I ever think of 
 paying any debts in my whole life, except thofe of the public. 
 This public fpirit, you already fuppofe, has been moft amply 
 rewarded ; and perhaps fufpedt that I am going to trouble 
 
 youi 
 
590 The WORLD. N' 55. 
 
 3^ou with an oftentatious boaft of the public money I have 
 touched ; or that I am devifmg fome artful evafion of an 
 inquiry into the method by which I amaffed it. On the con- 
 trary, I muft aiTure you that I have carried annually the fruits 
 of twelve months deep thought to the treafury, pay-office, 
 and vi6lualling-office, without having brought from any one 
 of thofe places the leaft return of treafure, pay, or victuals. 
 At the admiralty the porters can read the longitude in my 
 night-gown, as plainly as if the plaid was Avorked into the 
 letters of that word. And I have had the mortification to 
 fee a man with the dulleft projed; in the world admitted to 
 the board, with no other preference than that of being a 
 ftranger, while I have been kept fliivering in the court. 
 
 After this fliort hiftory of myfelf, it is time I fliould com- 
 municate the projedl I have to propofe for your particular 
 confideration. 
 
 My propofal is, that a new office be ered;ed in this metro- 
 pohs, and called the extinguishing office. In explain- 
 ing the nature of. this office, I Ihall endeavour to convince 
 you of its extraordinary utility : and that the fcope and 
 intent of it may be perfectly underflood, I beg leave to be 
 indulged in making a few philofophical remarks. 
 
 There is no obfervation raorejuft or common in experience, 
 
 than that every thing excellent in nature or art, has a certain 
 
 fixed point of i)erfe£lion, proper to itfelf, which it cannot 
 
 tranfgrefs without lofing much of its beauty, or acquiring fome 
 
 blemifli. , 
 
 6 The 
 
N'55. The WORLD. 391 
 
 The period which time puts to all mortal things, is brought 
 about by an imperceptible decay : and whatever is once paft 
 the crifis of maturity, affords only the melancholy profpecl of 
 being impaired hourly, and of advancing through the degrees 
 of aggravated deformity to its diffolution. 
 
 We inconfiderately bewail a great man, whom death has 
 taken off, as we fay, in the bloom of his glory ; and yet con- 
 fefs it Avould have been happier for Priam, Hannibal, Pom- 
 pe3% and the duke of Marlborough, if fate had put an earlier 
 period to their lives. 
 
 Inftead of quoting a multitude of Latin vcrfes, I refer you 
 to that part of the tenth fatire of Juvenal, which treats of 
 longevity : but I muft defire particularly to remind you of 
 the following paffage : 
 
 Provida Pompeio dederat Campania febrcs 
 Optandas. 
 
 It is to a mature refle<5tion on the fenfe of this paffage that I 
 owe the greateft thought which ever entered the brain of a 
 projector: and I doubt not, if I could once eftablifli the 
 OFFICE in queftion, of being able toftrike out from this hint, 
 a certain method of practice that would be as beneficial to 
 mankind, as it would be new and extraordinary* 
 
 It has been the ufual cuftom, when old Generals have worn 
 out their bodies by the toils of many glorious campaigns, 
 Beauties their complexions by the fatigues of exhibiting their 
 perfons, or Patriots their conftitutions by the heat of the 
 houfe, to fend them to fome purer air abroad, or to Kenfmgton 
 
 Gravel- 
 
392 The WORLD. N' 55. 
 
 Gravel-pits at home : but as there is nothing fo juflly to be 
 dreaded as the chance of furviving good fame, I am for 
 fending all fuch perfons in the zenith of their glory to the 
 fens in Effex. 
 
 As it is with man himfelf, fo likewife lliall we find it with 
 every thing that proceeds from him. His plans are great, 
 juft and noble; worthy the divine image he bears. His pro- 
 greffion and execution, to a cei^tain point, anfwerable to his 
 defigns ; but beyond it, all is weaknefs, deformity and dif- 
 grace. To be affured of this point, it is as neceffary to confult 
 another, as the fick man his phyfician to know the crifis of his 
 diftemper : but whom to apply to, is the important queftion. 
 A friend is of all men living the moft unfit, becaufe good coun- 
 fel and fincere advice are known to produce an immediate dif- 
 folution of all fecial connexions. The neceffity of a new of- 
 riCE is therefore evident; which office I propofe fhall be 
 hereafter executed by commiffion, but firfl; (by way of trial) 
 by a fingle perfon, invefted with proper powers, and univer- 
 fally acknowledged by the ftile and title of sworn extin- 
 guisher. To explain the fun6tions of this perfon, I lliall re- 
 late to you the accident which furniflied the firft hint for what 
 I am nowofl:'ering to your perufal. 
 
 Whenever I have been fo happy as to be mailer of a candle, 
 I have obferved that though it has burnt with great brightnefs 
 to a certain point, yet the moment that the flame has reached 
 that point, it has become lefs and lefs bright, rifing and falling 
 with great inequalities, till at lafl it has expired in a moft in- 
 tolerable 
 
N'55. , The world. 393 
 
 tolerable ftink. In other families, where poverty is not the di- 
 re6lrefs, the candle lives and dies without leaving any ill 
 odour behind it; and this by the well-timed application of a 
 machine called an extinguisher. 
 
 It is the ufe of this machine that I am defirous of extend- 
 ing : and what confirmed me in the project was my happen- 
 ing one Sunday to drop into a church, where the top of the 
 pulpit was a deep concave, not very unlike the implement 
 above-mentioned. The fermon, which had begun and pro- 
 ceeded in a regular uniform tenor, grew towards the latter 
 end extremely different; now lofty, now low, now flalhy, 
 
 now dark In fhort, the preacher and his canopy brought 
 
 fo ftrongly to my mind the expiring candle and its extin- 
 guisher, that I longed to have the power of properly ap- 
 pljung the one to the other; and from that moment con- 
 ceived a project of fufpending hollow cones of tin, brafs or 
 wood, over the heads of all public fpeakers, with lines and 
 pullies to lower them occasionally. 
 
 I carried this project to a certain great man, who M^as 
 pleafed to reject it ; telling me of feveral devices which might 
 anfwer the purpofe better; and inftancing, among many 
 other practices, that of the Robin Hood fociety, where the 
 prefident performs the office of an extinguisher by afingle 
 llroke of a hammer. In fhort, the arguments of this great 
 man prcA^ailed with me to lay afide my firft fcheme, but fur- 
 niflied me at the fame time with hints for a more extenfive 
 one. 
 
 3 E - At 
 
394 The WORLD. N* 55. 
 
 At the playhoufe the curtain is not only ahvays ready^ but 
 capable of extinguishing at once all the perfons of the 
 drama. How many new tragedies might be faved for the fu- 
 ture, if the curtain was to drop by authority as foon as the 
 hero was dead J or how happily might the languid, pale, and 
 putrid flames of a whole fifth ad; be extinguished by the 
 eftablifhment of fuch an office. 
 
 In applying it to epic poetry, I could not but felicitate the 
 author of the Ihad. The extinguisher of the .^neid de- 
 
 ferves the higheft encomiums Happy Virgil ! but O 
 
 "wretched Milton ! more unhappy in the blindnefs of thy 
 copimentators, than in thy own ! who, to thy eternal difgrace, 
 would preferve thy two concluding lines, with the fame fu- 
 perftition with which the Gebers venerate the fnuff of a 
 candle, and cry out facrilege if you offer to extinguilh it. 
 
 I perceive I fhall want room to explain my method of ex- 
 tinguishing Talkers in private companies ; but that I may 
 not appear to you like thofe quacks who boaft of more than 
 they can perform, let me convince you that the attempt is 
 not impradicable, by reminding you of Appelles, who Handing 
 behind one of the pidures, liftened with great patience while 
 a flioemaker was commending the foot ; but the moment the 
 mechanic was paffing on to the leg, ftept from his hiding- 
 place, and extinguished him at once with the famous pro- 
 verb in ufe at this day, ' The flioemaker mufl; not go beyond 
 his laft.' 
 
 . But 
 
N" 55. The WORLD. 355 
 
 But whenever this office is put into commiHion, I propofe, 
 for this laft-mentioned branch, to take in a proper number of 
 ladies ; I mean fuch as drefs in the height of the mode ; who 
 being equipped with hoops in the utmoft extent of the fafliion, 
 are always provided with an extinguisher ready for im- 
 mediate ufe. By the application of this machine to the 
 above-mentioned purpofe, I fliali have the farther latisfa^lion 
 of vindicating the ladies from the unjuft imputation of bear- 
 ing about them any thing ufelefs. And as the Chinefe knew 
 gunpowder, the ancients the load-ftone, and the moderns 
 eled^ricity, many years before they were applied to the be- 
 nefit of mankind, it will not appear llrange if a noble ufe be 
 at length found for the hoop, which has, to be fure, till now, 
 afforded mere matter of fpeculation. 
 
 I NOW EXTINGUISH mj'fclf, and am, fir. 
 
 Your moji humble fervant, 
 
 A. B. 
 
 P. S. If the above proje^ meets with your approbation, I 
 fliall venture to communicate another of a nature not very 
 unlike the foregoing, and in which the public is at leaft 
 equally interefted. 
 
 Galenical medicines, from the quantity with which the pa- 
 tient was to be drenched, have excited of late years fo uni- 
 verfal a loathing, that the faculty muft have loft all their prac- 
 tice, if they had not hit upon the method of contrading the 
 whole force and fpirit of their prefcriptions into one chy- 
 mical DROP or pill. 
 
 3 E 2 From 
 
396 The WORLD. N" 56. 
 
 Prom this hint I would propofe to ere£l a new chamber, 
 with powers to abridge all arts and fciences, hiftory, poetry, 
 oratory, effays, &c. into the fubllance of a maxim, apothegm, 
 fpirit ofhiflory, or epigram. And as a proof of the pra(ftica- 
 bility of this project, I will make yourfelf the judge, whether 
 your laft paper on hearers may not be fully comprized in 
 the following four lines :. 
 
 Our fires kept a Fool, a poor hireling for Jlate, 
 
 To enliven dull pride zcith his pert nefs and prate : 
 
 But fajliion capricioujli/ changing its rule. 
 
 Now my LORD is the wit, and his hearer the fool. 
 
 N* 56. Thursday, January 24, 1754. 
 
 Porredojugulo hiftorias, captivus ut audii Hor, 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 
 Caer Caradock, Jan. i6, 1754. 
 
 Sir, 
 
 YOUR paper upon hearers gave me that pleafure which 
 a feries of truths mull always aftbrd, to him who can witnefs 
 for every one of them. 
 
 I was born and brought up in the principality of Wales, 
 which from time immemorial mull have been produ6live of 
 
 the 
 
N° 56. The WORLD. 397 
 
 tlie mofl thorough-bred, feafoned and ftanch hearers, fince 
 every gentleman of that country holds and afferts his right to 
 be a TALKER by privilege of birth. I would not have 3^ou 
 conclude from what I have faid above, that I am not as good 
 a gentleman as the beft (I mean of as good a family) though 
 poverty and ill-fortune have doomed me to be for ever a 
 
 HEARER. 
 
 I was left an orphan in my earlieft years ; bu,t I am not 
 going to trouble you with the many misfortunes which con- 
 flantly attended me to the age of forty ; at which time I was 
 a fchoolmafter without boys to teach, or bread to eat. At 
 this period of my life I was advifed by the parfon of our parilh 
 to go and enter myfclf in fome large and wealthy family to, be 
 an UNCLE ; which is a known and common term in Wales, of 
 like fignification with hearer in England ; the duties and 
 requifite qualifications being nearly the fame, as will appear 
 from the following (liort inllru6lions given me by my advifer ; 
 viz. never to open my lips, except for the well-timed utter- 
 ance of indeed ! — -furprijing ! — prodigious ! — mojl amazing ! But 
 thele only to be ufed at the proper intervals of the talker's 
 fetching his breath, coughing, or at other paufes ; and the 
 length of the admiration to be always adapted to, and parti- 
 cularly never to exceed the aforefaid intervals. 
 
 But in order to explain the method he took to qualif)'^ me 
 ftill farther, and inure me to patience, I mull give you a (hort 
 hiftory of this worthy parfon. He was trul}^, what he was 
 called, a good fort of a man; if charity, friendfliip and good- 
 humour 
 
398 The WORLD. N» 5€. 
 
 humour can entitle a man to that character. I muft not 
 conceal the meannefs of his education, in which he difcover- 
 ed, however, as great a genius as could poffibly arife out of a 
 liable and a kennel. He was a thorough fportfrnaji, and so 
 good a SHOT, that the late fquire took a fancy to him, made 
 him his conftant companion, and gave him the living. But 
 that he might not be loft in ftudy and fermon-making, he 
 contrived to marry him to the daughter of the late incum- 
 bent, who had been taught by her father latin and metaphy- 
 fics, and exercifed from twelve years old to forty in making 
 themes and fermons. As flie was by nature meagre and de- 
 formed, by conftitution fretful and complaining, by education 
 conceited and difputatious, by ftudy pale and blear-eyed, and 
 by habit talkative and loud, the friendfliip of the good parfon 
 fuggefted her a« the fitteft perfon in the world to exercife my 
 patience for a few months, and mure me to the difcipline of 
 my future function. In this ftation I made a vaft progi'efs in 
 a. little time; for I not only heard above a thoufand fermons, 
 but the ttridt obfervance of my vow of attention having made 
 me a favourite, I was complained to whenever any thing went 
 amifs in the family, and often fcolded at for the hutband, 
 whofe office grew into a fmecure : infomuch, that if I had 
 not known the fmcerity and upriglitnefs of his heart, I fliould 
 have fufpe6ted him of bringing me into his houfe to fupply 
 for him all thofe duties which he wanted to be eafed of. But 
 he had no fuch interefted views ; for as foon as he found his 
 help-mate had transfufed into me a neceflary portion of pa- 
 * tience 
 
N'5d. The WORLD. 399 
 
 tience and long-fufFering, he recommended me to my fortune, 
 giving me, generous man ! a coat and wig, which formerly him- 
 felf, and' before him the fquire, had worn for many years upon 
 extraordinary days. Having thus equiptme,he refumes the du- 
 ties of his family, where he officiates to this day, with true 
 chriftian refignation. 
 
 My firft reception was at the houfe of a gentleman, who in 
 the early part of his life had followed the ftudy of botany. 
 Nature and truth are fo pleafing to the mind of man, that 
 they never fatiate, Alas ! he happened one day to tafte, by 
 miftake, a root that had been fent him from the Indies : it was 
 a moft fubtle poifon, to which his experience in Britifli fmi- 
 ples knew no antidote. Immediately upon his death, a neigh- 
 bouring gentleman who had his eye upon me fome time, fent 
 me an invitation. His difcourfe was upon huibandry ; and 
 as he never deceived me in any thing but where he deceived 
 himfelf, I heard Him alfo Avith pleafure. 
 
 Thefe were therefore my halcyon days, on which I always 
 refled; with regret and tears. How different were the fuc- 
 ceeding ones, in which I have liftened to the tales of old 
 maids running over an endlefs lift of lovers they never had ; 
 of old beaus who boafted of favours from ladies they never 
 faw; of fenators who narrated the eloquence they never 
 fpoke ! giving me fuch a difguft and naufea to lies, that at 
 length my ears, which were at that time much too quick for 
 my office, grew unable to bear them. But prudently conli- 
 dering that I muft either hear or ftarve, I invented the fol- 
 lowing expedient for quahfying a lie. While I aflented by 
 
 fome 
 
 OF THE ^ 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF 
 
400 The world. N'56. 
 
 fome gefticulation, or motion of the head, eyes, or mufcles of 
 the face, I refolved to have in referve fome inward expreffion 
 of diffent. Of thefe I had various ; but for the fake of brevity 
 I fliall only trouble you with one. 
 
 A younger brother, who had ferved abroad all his life, as 
 he would frequently tell us, and who came unexpe6tedly to 
 the eftate and callle where he found me with a good charac- 
 ter, took fo kindly to me that he feemed to defire no other 
 companion ; and as a proof of it, never fent to invite or add 
 to our company any one of the numerous friends he fo often 
 talked of, of great rank, bravery and honour, who would have 
 gone to the end of the world to have ferved him. I could 
 have loved him too, but for one fault. He would lie with- 
 out meafure or dilguife. His ufual exagoferation was — and 
 more. As thus, ' At the fiege of Monticelli,' (a town in Italy, 
 as he told us) ' I received in feveral parts of my body three 
 and twenty lliot, and more. At the battle of Caratha (in 
 Turkey) I rode to death eighteen horfes, mid more. With 
 Lodamio, the Bavarian general, I drank hand to fift, fix 
 dozen of hock, a7id mare.' Upon all fuch occafions I in- 
 wardly anticipated him, by fubftituting in the place of his 
 laft two words, the two following — or lefs. But it fo hap- 
 pended one unfortunate evening, as he was in the midft of 
 the fliarpeft engagement ever heard of, in M'hich with his 
 fingle broad-fword he had killed five hundred, and more, that 
 I kept my time more precifely than filence : for unhappily 
 tlie qualifying or kfs, which fliould have been tacitly fwal- 
 
 -j lowed 
 
N'56. The WORLD. 401 
 
 lowed for the quieting my OM'n fpirit, was fo audibly articu-. 
 lated to the inflaming of his, that the moment he heard fub- 
 joined to his five hundred — or lefs, the fury of his refentment 
 defcended on my ear with a violent blow of his fift. By this 
 flip of my tongue, I loft my poft in that family, and the hear- 
 ing of my left ear. 
 
 The confequences of this accident gave me great apprehen- 
 fions for a confiderable time ; for the flighteft cold afFe6ling 
 the other ear, I was frequently rebuked for mifplacing my 
 marks of approbation. But I foon difcovered that it was no 
 real misfortune ; for experience convinced me, that abfolute 
 filence was of greater eftimation than the beft-timcd fyllable 
 of interruption. It is to this experience that I fliall refer you, 
 after having recounted the laft memorable adventure of my 
 unfortunate hiftory. 
 
 The laft family that received me was fo numerous in rela- 
 tions and vifitors, that I found 1 ftiould be very little regarded 
 when I had worn off the character of ftranger ; though as 
 fuch, I was as earneftly applied to as any high court of ap- 
 peals. For as the force of liquor co-operated with the force 
 of blood, they one and all addreffed themfelves to me to fettle 
 the antiquity of their families ; vociferating at one and the 
 fame time above a fcore of genealogies. This was a harder 
 fervice than any I had ever been ufed to ; and the whole 
 Aveight of the clamour falling on my only furviving ear, un- 
 happily overpowered it, and I became from that inftant to- 
 tally deaf. 
 
 ^ V 5 F . Had 
 
402 The WORLD. W 5&. 
 
 Had this accident happened a few years fooner, it would 
 liBve driven me to defpair : but my experience, affuring me 
 that I am now much better quaUfied than ever, gives me an 
 expectation of making my fortune : I therefore apply to you 
 to recommend me for a hearer in a country where there is 
 better encouragement, and where I doubt not of giting fatis- 
 faction. 
 
 I fhall not trouble you with enumerating the advantages at- 
 tending a deaf hearer : it will be enough for me to fay, 
 that as fuch, I am no longer fubjed; to the danger of an irre- 
 fiftible fmile : nor will my fqueamifh diflike to lies bring me 
 again into difgrace. I fliall now be exempt from the many 
 misfortunes which my ungovernable ears have formerly led 
 me into. What reproving looks have I had for turning my 
 eyes when I have heard a bird fly againft the window, or the 
 dog and cat quan'elling in a corner of the room !' How have I 
 been reprimanded, when detected in dividing my attention 
 between the fl;ories of my patron, and the brawls of his fe- 
 mily ! ' What had I to do with the quarrels of his family ?' 
 I own the reproof was juft ; but I appeal to you, whether 
 any man who has his ears, can reftrain them, when a quarrel 
 is to be heard, from making it the chief object of his at- 
 tention ? 
 
 To conclude. If you obferve a talker in a large com- 
 pany, you never fee him examining the Hate of a man s ear : 
 his whole obfervation is upon the eye ; and if he meet with 
 the wandering or the vacant eye, he turns away, and inftantly 
 
 addrefles 
 
W 65. The WORLD. 403 
 
 addreffes liimfelf to another. My eyes were always good ; but 
 as it is notorious that the privation of fome parts add ftrength 
 and perfedtion to others, I may boaft that, fince the lofs of 
 my ears, I found my eyes (which are confeffedly the prin- 
 cipal organs of attention) fo ftrong, quick, and vigilant, that 
 I can without vanity ofler myfelf for as good a hearer as 
 any in England. 
 
 Yovrs, Sec. 
 
 N° 65. Thursday, March 28, 1754'. 
 
 Campejires melius Sci/tha:, 
 
 Quorum plaiijlra vagas rite trahunt domos. Hok. 
 
 THAT, Experience is the beft, and fliould be the only 
 guide of our condudt, is fo trite a maxim, that one can hardly 
 offer it without an apology ; and yet we find the love of in- 
 novation and the vanity of invention carrying men daily to a 
 total negle6b of it. In a country where mode and fafliion 
 govern every thing, we mud not be furprifed that men are 
 ruled by no fixed principles, but rather fliould expedl tliey 
 •will frequently a6t in direct oppofition to every thing that has 
 been long eftabliflied. The favourite axiom of the prefent 
 times, is, that our anceftors were barbarous ; therefore w hat- 
 €ver differs from the ignorance of their manners, mull be wife 
 -and right. 
 
 3 F « To 
 
404 The WORLD. N» 65, 
 
 To iliew the folly of an overweening opinion of inventive 
 wifdom, and to bring the foregoing remarks to the purpofe 
 and fubje6i of this day's paper, I fhall give an inftance from 
 Garcilaffo de la Vega, who tells us that when the Spaniards 
 began to fettle in Peru, and were erecting large ftone buildings, 
 the Indians flood by and laughed at them, faying that they 
 were raifing their own tombs, which on the firft heaving of the 
 earth, would fall and crulh them. Yet big with their Euro- 
 pean improving genius, they defpifed the light cabins of the 
 Americans, and at length became the vi6tims of their own 
 opinionated pride. Equally ridiculous would be the Peruvian 
 in England, who, difregarding the old eftabliflied models of 
 llrength and folidity, fliould build himfelf a hut after the 
 fafliion of his own country, and adapted only to the tempera- 
 ture of that climate. 
 
 As I would willingly pay my countrymen the compliment 
 of fuppoling all their a6tions to be founded in reafon, when I 
 cannot demonftrate the contrary, I have imputed the number 
 of flight wooden edifices with which we fee our parks and 
 gardens fo crowded, to the extravagant fears with which it 
 may be remembered the inhabitants of more folid ftrudlures 
 were feized at the time of the late expelled earthquake. If fuch 
 a time of univerfal panic fliould again occur, I doubt not but 
 the builders of thefeafylums, who had mercenary views, would 
 fee good intereft for their money, while the generous and be- 
 nevolent would enjoy the greatefl; of pleafures, that of making 
 numbers eafy and happy. But even in this cafe, how have 
 * thej 
 
N'65. The WORLD. 405 
 
 they a£lecl againft experience ! For as a llonn of wind is a 
 much more ufual phenomenon in this climate than an earth- 
 quake, it is evident that the expence of erediing thefe occa- 
 fional receptacles (though not indeed very confiderable) mull 
 be totally thrown away : unlefs we are to believe thofe re- 
 finers in pradtical arithmetic, who affert that thefe retreats 
 have contributed as much to the fervice of the public in 
 the INCREASE of its inhabitants, as they could have done in 
 tiie PRESERVATION of them, according to their original 
 inftitution^ 
 
 The fame fpirit which influences men to defpife and neglect 
 ancient wifdom, leads them ta a hafty and precipitate imita- 
 tation of novelty. Thiis many, ignorant of the original defign 
 of thefe flight flielters, and not imagining there could poflibly 
 be any ufe in them, concluded that they mufl; imply orna- 
 ment and beauty : and recolledling the proverb, that ' every 
 thing that is little is pretty,' dotted their parks with fedtions 
 of HOGSHEADS. The firfl; I faw of thefe gave me a high 
 opinion of the modefl;y of its owner. A wife man of Greece, 
 thought I to myfelf, was immortalized for his felf-denial and 
 humility in occupying the whole of that manfion, of which my 
 wifer countryman is contented with the half. But upon 
 looking round me, and feeing this new old whim propagated 
 all over his park, and thefe philofophical domicils fo numerous 
 as to make a town big enough to hold all the wife men upon 
 earth, I foon changed my opinion of the founder, and con- 
 eluded hiui rather to be poflefled with the ambitious madnefs 
 
 of 
 
406 Tii E WORLD. N" 65. 
 
 •of an Alexander, Avho coveted moke worlds, than with the 
 moderation of the Cynic, who, as Hudibias obferves, expreffed 
 no manner of fohcitude about a plurality of tubs. 
 
 The n,hoh world was not half fo wide 
 To Alexander, zchen he cryd, 
 JBecaufe he had but one tofuhdue. 
 As was a narrozc paltri/ tub to 
 Diogenes : who is rtotfaid 
 (For aught that ever I could read} 
 To zehine, put finger i' fh' eye and fob, 
 Becaufe h' had ne'er another tub. 
 
 The fituations ufually deftined for thefe monuments (yf 
 tafte, are not in covered valhes, embofomed in groves, or in 
 fome flieltered dell ; (there indeed we have the modefty to 
 place our wood piles, bone-ftacks, cinder-heaps, and other 
 more heavy fabrics, compofed of rubbifli, oyfter-fliells, and 
 fometimes more glittering worthleffnefs, under the ennobling 
 title of grottos, hermitages, &c. &c.) to make them confpicu- 
 ous, they are placed on eminences in the bleakeft expofures; 
 infomuch that I have over-heard an affembly of modern im- 
 provers condoling with one another at a drum on a windy 
 night, like a company of merchants at Jamaica, who had a 
 rich fleet in the harbour at the time of a hurricane. 
 
 The moveable houfes of the Scythians, defcribed in my 
 motto, arc Avorthy our admiration. We mull acknowledge 
 them to be the perfection of all works, lince they will ftand the 
 criticifm of Momus himfelf ; having that requiiite, for the want 
 ■of which he condemned all other houfes: they are upon wheels, 
 «nd can move from bad neighbours, or be conveyed to flielter 
 
 from 
 
ISi' 6S. The WORLD. 407 
 
 from the fury of the Aviucls, or the fcorching of the fun. What 
 a fatisfadtion mull it be to a man of fortune to }ye told that 
 fuch houfes are a manufacture of this age and country, and 
 that he may be fupphed with a very complete one, at the 
 common and moderate price of three hundred pounds ! It is 
 to beprefumed that no gentleman Avhom this intelligence may 
 reach, will hereafter litter his park with huts, tubs, cribs, fen- 
 try-boxes, &c. 
 
 The tafte of the prefent age is univerfally for annuals. Their 
 politics, books, plantations, and now their buildings, mull be 
 iall annuals ; and it is to be apprehended, that in a few years, 
 large trees and fubllantial llru(ftures will be no where to be 
 found, except in our deserts : unlefs we could be as fan- 
 guine in our expectations as a certain fchemift, of whom I 
 Ihall relate fome particulars. 
 
 Tliis gentleman, whofe Chinelb temple had been blown 
 down a few weeks after it was ereCled, was comforting himfejf 
 that he had found in Hanway's travels, a model never yet 
 executed in this part of the world, which, from the advantage 
 of its form, mull Hand againll the moll violent gulls of wind 
 on the highell mountains. This was, it feems, a pyramid of 
 heads, after a genuine plan of that great improver, Kouli 
 Khan, He immediately contracted with the fexton of his 
 parilli for a fufficient fupply of human feu lis, and was pre- 
 paring the other materials, when the fcheme was prevented 
 by the over-fcrupulous confcience of the fexton's Avife. The 
 
 fchemift 
 
408 The WORLD. K" 65- 
 
 fchemift was extremely mortified, yet remained pertinacious 
 in the execution of his defign, and, as I am told, fet out the 
 next morning for Cornwall to obtain a feat in parliament, in 
 order to bring in a bill for the erecting a pyramid in every 
 county, with niches for the reception of the heads of all 
 criminals hereafter to be executed. He is in no pain for the 
 fuccefs of his motion ; for though the legiflature has found 
 obje6tions to every fcheme for making malefa6tors of use, he 
 doubts not of their ready concurrence in a propofal for mak- 
 ing them an ornament to their country. 
 
 In former times the great house was the obje£l to 
 which the ftrangcr's admiration was particularly invited. 
 For this purpofe lines of trees were planted to direct, 
 and walls built to confine your approach, in fuch a manner 
 that the eye muft be conftantly employed in the contempla- 
 tion of the principal front. Now it. is thought neceffary to 
 change all this ; you are therefore led by roundabout ferpen- 
 tine walks, and find your progrefs to be often intercepted by 
 invifible and uncxpe6ted lines and intrenchments, and the 
 manfion purpofely obfcured by new plantations, while the 
 nobleft trees of the old grove are tumbled down to give you a 
 peep, now and then, at an out-building of about ten feet 
 fquare of plaifter and canvass. So different from this was the 
 practice of our anceftors, that whenever they erected fuch 
 little edifices (which they did only from neceflfity) they con- 
 ftajitly planted before them yews, laurels, or aquatics, ac- 
 cording 
 
N'66. The WORLD, 409 
 
 cording as the foil was moift or dry : and I could venture to 
 promiie any modem improver, who delights in laying all 
 things open, that he might in one morning fall down the po- 
 pulous ])art of the Thames, and with his fmgle hatchet among 
 the willows, lay open as many mafked edifices of the true 
 modern fize and figure, as, properly difpofed and fancifully 
 variegated with frefli paint, would make Hounflow-heath a 
 rival to many an admired garden of this age. 
 
 A philofopher would not fuppofe that the mailer of the 
 place affumed any merit to himfelf from fuch trifles ; he would 
 hardly imagine that even the moft elegant of palaces could 
 add any degree of worth to the poflelTor, whofe charadler 
 mull be raifed and fuftained by his own dignity, wifdom, and 
 hofpitality; remembering the maxim of TuUy, ' Non domo 
 dominus, fed domino domits honejianda eJL' But to judge 
 with the common obferver, and to reafon with the general 
 race of Improvers, if it be abfolutely necefTjiry for every man 
 to lliew his tafte in thefe matters, let him endeavour to com- 
 pafs folidity, duration, and convenience in the manfion he 
 inhabits ; and not attempt to difplay his magnificence in a 
 number of edifices, which, whatever they may feem to imitate, 
 are unnecessary-houses. 
 
 sG 
 
410 ^ The world. N" 70. 
 
 X" 70. Thursday, May 2, 1754. 
 
 Yfxw lar^uov. 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 Sir, 
 
 YOUR correfpondent in your fixty-third paper has, I mull 
 confefs, fhewn no lefs ingenuity than the Duke de Vivonne 
 did wit in his celebrated anfwer to Lewis the fourteenth, upon 
 that king's afking him at table, Mais d quoi fert de lire ? La 
 kdiure, faid the duke, fait ct Vefprit ce que vos perdrix font d 
 mesjoiies. But whatever new dodrines thefe gentlemen are 
 pleafed to broach, that books are the food of the mind, I 
 muft beg leave to fay, that they have from time immemorial 
 been called physic, not tood: and for this I appeal to the 
 famous infcription on the Akxandrian library, which I have 
 placed at the head of my letter, physic tor the soul. 
 
 For my own part, I can truly fay that I have confidered all 
 books as physic from my earlieft youth; and fo indeed have 
 moft of my fchool-fellows and acquaintance, and naufeated 
 thein accordingly : nor can any of us at this time endure the 
 fight or toudi of them, not even a prefent from the author^ 
 unlefs it be as thoroughly gilt as the moft loathfome pill, or 
 qualified and made palatable by the fyrup of a dedication. 
 
 Thofe who have endeavoured to conquer this difguft, have 
 given the moft forcible proofs of the truth of my argument :: 
 
 many 
 
N° 70. The WORLD. 411 
 
 many of them by venturing to prefcribe to themfelves, have 
 fo injudicioufly taken their potions, that their minds have 
 been thrown into various ill habits and diforders. Some 
 have fallen into fo lax a flate, that they could neither digeft 
 nor keep any thing whatfoever. Nay, I have been ac- 
 quainted with fuch as have taken the moll innocent and falu- 
 tary of thefe medicines, but by over-dofmg themfelves, and 
 making no allowance for their own corrupt and acrimonious 
 humours, have fallen into the moft violent agitations, difcharg- 
 ing fuch a quantity of undigefted and virulent matter, that 
 they have poifoned the neighbourhood round. Some, only 
 upon taking the quantity of a few pages, have flared, raved, 
 foamed at the mouth, and difcovered all the fymptoms of 
 madnefs; while the very fame dofe has had the contrary 
 efFe6t upon others, operating only as an opiate. 
 
 The true and genuine food of the mind is NEWS. That 
 this is inconteftable, appears from the number of fouls in this 
 metropolis who fubfift entirely upon this diet, M^thout the 
 leaft addition of any other nourifliment whatfoever. In all 
 ages and countries the poets have conftantly defcribed the 
 avidity with which it is taken, by the figurative expreflions of 
 eating or drinking. Shakfpeare ufes a more general term : 
 
 TVith open month swallowing a taylor's news. 
 
 Another witty author calls news the manna of the day: al- 
 luding to that food with which the Ifraelites were fupplied in 
 the wildernefs from day to day, and which in a very little 
 i,v. * 3 G 2 time 
 
412 The world. N" 7&. 
 
 time became ftale and corrupt : as indeed Providence has im 
 its wifdom ordained that all kinds of fuftenance fliall be ia 
 their nature corruptible^ to remind man continually of the 
 dependency of his flate on earth. Whereas physic (parti- 
 cularly of the modern chymical preparation) preferves its. 
 efficacy and virtues uncorrupted and unimpaired by time ; a 
 property it has in common with books ; which never fuffer by 
 age, provided they are originally well compofed, and of good 
 ingredients. The principal of thefe ingredients are generally 
 thought to be wit ; and I fancy Mr.. Fitz-Adam, by the quan- 
 tity of it with which you now and then feafon your fpecula- 
 tions, that you have adopted that opinion. But let me telL 
 you, fir, that though my fuppofition fliould be true, you are 
 in the wrong to rely upon it too much : for though this feafon- 
 ing ftiould happen to preferve theni for the admiration of 
 future times, it is certainly your bufinefs to accommodate your- 
 felf to the talle of the prefent. If therefore you would make 
 fure of cuftomers, give us news; for which there is as con- 
 ftant a demand as for daily bread : and as for your wit, which 
 is a luxury, treat it as the Dutch do their fpices ; burn half of 
 it, and you may poffibly render the remaining half of fome 
 value. But if you produce all you have for the market, yoiL 
 will foon find it become a mere drug, and bear no price.. 
 
 I am, 
 
 Your friend and well-zai/ker, 
 
 A.B'.. 
 
 I have 
 
N' 70. The WORLD. 413 
 
 I have publiflied this letter juft as I received it : and as a 
 proof that my correfpondent is not fingular in his opinion of 
 wit, I muft obferve that the fagacious author of the late ex- 
 cellent abridgment of the hiftory of France expreffes a doubt 
 that the prefent age may depreciate wit, as the laft exploded 
 learning. ' Prenojis garde que le 1 8"" Jiecle ne decrii I'efprit^ 
 comme le 1 7"° avoit decrie V erudition. 
 
 The fixteenth century produced the greateft number of 
 men of the mod profound erudition : and notwithftanding 
 thofe of the feventeenth defpifed them for their laborious ap- 
 plication, it is evident that it was owing to thofe labours tliat 
 their fucceffors attained knowledge with fo much eafe. 
 
 Towards the end of the laft century, fome poiTeffed, and 
 many afFe6led, a pure tafte in literature; and fetting up for a 
 ftandard the writings of the ancients, very liberally rewarded 
 thofe who imitated them the neareft, in chaftity of compofi- 
 tiori. But no fooner had Monfieur Galland tranflated the 
 Arabian tales, than the whole French nation ran mad, and 
 would never after read any thing but wretched imitations of 
 their moft wild extravagancies ; for it ought to be obferved, 
 that fome of thofe original ftories contain ufeful morals and 
 well-drawn pictures from common life : and it may be to- 
 thofe ftories, perhaps,, that we owe that fpecies of writing 
 which is at once fo entertaining and inftru6tive ; and in which 
 a very eminent wit, to the honour of this nation, has fliewn 
 himfelf fo incomparably fuperior in drawing natural charac- 
 ters. But thefe were not the parts which had the fortune to 
 
 pleafe : 
 
414 The WORLD. N' 70. 
 
 pleafe : the enchantments, the monllers and transformations 
 engaged all their attention ; infomuch that the famous Count 
 Hamilton, with a pleafant indignation at this folly, wrote a 
 tale of wonders, with defign to ridicule thefe idle books by an 
 aggravated imitation : but with au efFed; fo directly contrary 
 to his intention, that to this day France is continually pro- 
 ducing little pieces of that extravagant turn; while England, 
 that land of liberty, equally indifferent to works of wit, and 
 encouraging the licentioufnefs of the old comed}^, can relifli 
 nothing but perfonal charadler, or wanton romance. Hence 
 ai-ifes that fwarm of memoirs, all filled with abufe or impurity, 
 which, whatever diftindlions my prefent correfpondent may 
 make with relation to pood and physic, are the poison of 
 the MIND. 
 
 The beft antidote to this poifon, and the moft falutary in 
 every refpedt, is that fpecies of writing which may properly be 
 termed regimen; which, partaking of the qualities both of 
 PHYSIC and rooD, at once cleanfes and fuftains the patient. 
 Such have I ftudied to make thefe my papers; which are 
 therefore neither given dailj^ for fuftenance, nor occafionally 
 as medicine, but regularly and weekly as an alterative. I 
 have been extremely careful in the compofition, that there 
 fliall not be wanting a proper quantity offweet, acid, and fait; 
 yet fojuftly proportioned, as not to cloy, four, or lacerate the 
 weakeft ftomach. The fuccefs I have met with will be bet- 
 ter proved by the atteftations of my patients, than by any 
 boafts of my own. Out of many hundreds of thefe atteftations, 
 
 I fliall 
 
N" 70. The WORLD. 415 
 
 I fliall content myfelf at prefent with only publifhing the fol- 
 lowing 
 
 ExtraB of a letter from Bath. 
 
 Sir, 
 
 I CAN affure you with the greateft truth, that my three 
 eldeft daughters were for more than a whole winter moft 
 ftrangely afFed;ed with a nakedness in the shoulders, in- 
 fomuch that the thinned and flighteft covering whatfoever 
 was almoft infupportable, efpecially in public. The beft ad- 
 vice in the place was procured, but the difeafe increafed with 
 fo much violence, that many expreflfed their opinion that 
 every part of the body was in danger of the infection. At 
 laft, when nothing elfe would do, they were prevailed upon to 
 enter into a regular courfe of your papers, and in a very few 
 weeks, to the furprize of every body in the rooms, were per- 
 fedlly cured. I therefore beg of you, good fir, to let the 
 bearer have thirty dozen of the papers, for which he will pay 
 you. 
 
 I am, 
 
 Sir, Sec. 
 
 The original letter, fealed with a coronet, may be feen at 
 Mr. Dodfley's m Pall-malL 
 
416 The WORLD. N* 71. 
 
 No. 71. Thursday, May 9, 1754. 
 
 Nefcuticd dignum horribili feQere JlagvUo. Hon. 
 
 I FLATTER myfelf it mull have been frequently remark- 
 ed, that I have hitherto executed the office I have undertaken 
 without any of that harflmefs which may deferve the name of 
 fatire, but on the contrary with that gentle and good-humour- 
 ed ridicule, which rather indicates the willies of paternal ten- 
 dernefs, than the did;ates of magifteria.l authority. My edids 
 carry nothing with them penal. After! have fpent five pages 
 out of fix to lliew that the ladies disfigure their perfons, and 
 the gentlemen their parks and gardens, by too much art, I 
 make no other conclufion, than by cooly informing them, that 
 each would be more beautiful, if nature was lefs difguifed. 
 
 A certain great traveller, happening to take Florence in one 
 of his tours, was much carelTed and admired by the Great 
 Duke. The variety of countries he had feen, and his vivacity 
 m defcribing the culloms, manners, and charad;ers of their in- 
 habitants, rendered him highly entertaining. But it happen- 
 ed a little unfortunately that he had taken a fancy to adopt 
 one of the falhions of the eaft, that of wearing whilkers, which 
 he did in the fulleft and largell extent of the mode. The 
 Great Duke could by no means relilli this falliion ; and as 
 conftantly as he finilhed his fecond bottle, his dilgull would 
 break out, though never Avith greater harflmefs than in the 
 6 following 
 
N'71. The WORLD. 417 
 
 following words, ' Signor Giramondo, I am not duke of Tuf- 
 cany while you wear thofe whifkers/ In like manner I fay, I 
 am not Adam Fitz-Adam while the ladies wear fuch enormous 
 hoops, fuch fliort petticoats, and fuch vaft patches near the 
 left eye ; or while gentlemen ruin their fortunes and conftitu- 
 tions by play, or deform the face of nature by the fopperies 
 of art. 
 
 The moderation of the duke of Tufcany, who, with the help 
 of a pair of fciflPars, might fo eafily have removed the objed; 
 which at once offended and degraded him, is greatly to be 
 preferred to the tyranny of Procruftes, whofe delicate eye for 
 proportion was apt to take fuch offence at an over-grown per- 
 fon, that he would order him to be fliortened to the juft ftand- 
 ard by cutting off his feet. But a tyrannical fyftem cannot 
 be lafting : and violent meafures mull deftroy that harmony 
 which I am defirous fhould long fubfift between me and thofe 
 whom I have undertaken to govern, even Avere it probable 
 that I could carry fuch meafures into execution. But nothing 
 expofes weaknefs fo much as threats which we are not able to 
 enforce. It is told us in the A6ls, * that forty of the Jews 
 bound themfelves under a curfe, that they would neither eat 
 nor drink till they had killed Paul.' We hear no more of thofe 
 Jews, though the apoftle furvived their menaces. I flatter my- 
 felf that I have no lefs zeal for the abolifliing folly and falfe 
 tafte; yet I am fo far from uttering any fuch threats, that I 
 very frankly confefs I intend to eat and drink as heartily as if 
 there was no fuch thing as folly remaining in the world. My 
 
 3 H enemies. 
 
418 The WORLD. N" 71. 
 
 enemies, indeed, have been pleafed to throw out, that it is 
 owing to my defire of continuing to gratify thofe appetites, tliat 
 I have not long ago intirely fuppreffed all folly whatfoever. 
 They make no fcruple of averting that there would not have 
 been fo much as a patch, pompoon, or Chinefe rail remaining 
 amongft us, if I had not thought proper to borrow a piece of 
 policy from the rat-catchers, who fufferafmall part of the ver- 
 min to efcape, that their trade may not be at an end. But I 
 mull take the liberty of acquainting thefe gentlemen, that they 
 know as little of me, as of human nature, the chace after 
 folly being like hunting a witch; if you run her down in one 
 fliape, flie ftarts up in another, fo that there is no manner of 
 danger that the game will be deftroyed. And I moll folemnlj 
 declare, that wherever I have feen a beautiful face, or a fine 
 garden, very grofsly deformed by injudicious attempts at 
 amendment, I have laboured with the greateft earneflnefs to 
 effe6b a reformation. But where the condu6t of my pupils» 
 though fometimes faulty in itfelf, has been harmlefs in its 
 jconfequences, I have conftantly forborn, and vt^ill as conftantly 
 forbear, an officious reprehenfion of it, however difagreeable 
 fuch forbearance may appear in the eyes of thefe gentlemen. 
 It is upon this plan that I have fuppreffed innumerable com- 
 plaints from fplenetic and ill-humoured correfpondents : as a 
 fpecimen of which complaints I fliall lay before my readers 
 the beginnings of fome of their letters. 
 
 Sir, 
 
 I AM greatly offended at the inconfiftent behaviour of a 
 
 lady 
 
N* 7K The WORLD. 4if 
 
 lady of my acquaintance. You fee her in a morning at St. 
 James's church, and in the evening at the play-houfe in Drury- 
 lane. One would think that either rehgion "Ihould drive plays 
 out of her head, or plays religion. Pray, Mr. Fitz-Adam, tell 
 her how abfurd 
 
 Sir, 
 I trouble you with this letter to make my complaints of a 
 very great evil, and to defire your animadverfions upon it. I 
 returned yefterday from a month's vifit to a family in the 
 country, where, in every particular but one, we paffed our time 
 as became reafonable beings. When the weather was good we 
 walked abroad; when bad, we amufed ourfelves within doors 
 either with entertaining converfation, or iuftrudtive books. 
 But it was tlie cuftom of the family (though in all other re- 
 ipe£ls very worthy people) conftantly to play at cards for a 
 Avhole hour before fupper. Surely, Mr. Fitz-Adam, this me- 
 thod of killing time 
 
 Sir, 
 I am fhocked at the indecency of the modern head-drefs. 
 Do the ladies intend to lay afide all modefty, and go 
 naked ? 
 
 This is the manner in which undiftinguifliing ze^l treats 
 things that are in themfdves indifferent : for is it not matter 
 of abfolute indifference whether a lady wears on her head a 
 becoming ornament of clean lace, or her own hair.? Or if 
 
 3 H 2 there 
 
420 Til E won L D. N' 71. 
 
 there be any preference, would it not be fliewn both from 
 nature and experience to be on the fide of the hair ? 
 
 Niim tu, qua, temtit dives j4chame)tes, 
 Aut pinguis Phrygia Mygdonias opes 
 Permutare velis crine Licinice ? 
 
 Horace, we fee, prefers a beautiful head of hair to the 
 riches of a king. But I cannot help giving it as my opinion, 
 that Licinia's hair flowed in natural ringletSj without being 
 tortured by irons, or confined by innumerable pins. Yet 
 though I have feen with patience the cap diminifliing to the 
 lize of a patch, I have not with the fame unconcern obferved 
 the patch enlarging itfelf to the fize of a cap. It is with great 
 fon-ow that I already fee it in poflefTion of that beautiful maft 
 of blue which borders upon the eye. Should it increafe on: 
 the fide of that exquifite feature, Avhat an eclipfe have we to 
 dread ! But furely it is to be hoped the ladies will not give 
 up that place to a plaifter, which the brighteft jewel in the 
 univerfe would want luftre to fupply. 
 
 I find that I am almoft infenfibly got upon the only fubjedt 
 which is likely to move my indignation, and carry me beyond 
 the bounds of that moderation Avhich I have boafted of 
 above. I fliall therefore conclude this paper with offering 
 terms of compofition to thofe of my fair readers, who are 
 willing to treat Avith me. The firft is, that thofe young 
 ladies, who find it difficult to wean themfelves from patches 
 all at once, Ihall be allowed to wear them in what number, 
 /fize, and figure they pleafe, on fuch parts of the body as are, 
 
 or 
 
]Sr°72. The WORLD; 421 
 
 or fliould be, moft covered from fight. The fecond (and I 
 fliall offer no more) is, that any lady, who happens to prefer 
 the limphcity of fuch ornaments to the glare of her jewels, 
 Ihall, upon difpofmg of the faid jewels for the benefit of the 
 Foundling or any other hofpital, be permitted to wear (by 
 way of publifliing her good deeds to the world) as many 
 patches on her face as fhe has contributed hundreds of 
 pounds to fo laudable a benefa<flion. By purfuing this me- 
 thod, the public will be benefited, and patches, though no 
 ornament, will be an honour to the fex. 
 
 N" 72. Thursday, May 16, 1754. 
 
 Ne cures ea quajlultl miraris Sf optas, 
 
 Difcere Sf audirt Sf meliori credere non vis. Hor. 
 
 IT is an obfervation of the duke de Rochefaucault, ' that 
 there are many people in the world who would never have 
 been in love if they had never heard talk of it.' As ftrange as 
 this affertion may appear, there is nothing more certain, than 
 that mankind purfue with much greater ardour, what they 
 are talked into an admiration of, than what they are 
 prompted to by natural paffions ; nay, i'o great is the infa- 
 tuation, that we frequently fee them relinquilhing real gratifi- 
 cations, for the, fake of following ideal notions, or the acci- 
 dental mode of thinking of the prefent times. 
 
 The 
 
The world. N" 72. 
 
 The ftory of the princefs Parizade in the Arabian tales, is a 
 proper ilhiftration of what I have here advanced. I fhall give 
 my readers a fliort abflra6l of this ftory, as it may furuifli 
 matter for reflection, and a very ufeful moral, to fuch of them 
 as regulate their whole condu6i, and even their defires by 
 
 FASHION. 
 
 This princefs, the happieft as well as moft beautiful of her 
 fex, lived with her two beloved brothers in a fplendid palace, 
 fituated in the midft of a delightful park, and the moft exqui- 
 fite gardens in the eaft. It happened one day, while the 
 princes were hunting, that an old Avoman came to the gate, 
 and defired admittance to the oratory, that flie might fay her 
 prayers. The princefs no fooner knew of her requeft than flie 
 granted it, giving orders to her attendants, that after the good 
 woman's prayers Avere ended, they fliould fliew her all the 
 apartments of the palace, and then bring her into the hall 
 where flie herfelf was fitting. Every thing was performed as 
 <Jired:ed; and the princefs, having regaled her gueft with fome 
 fruits and fweet-raeats, among many other queftions, aflicd her 
 what flie thought of the palace. 
 
 ' Madam,' anfwered the old woman, ' your palace is beau- 
 tiful, regular, and magnificently furniflied ; its fituation is de- 
 lightful, and its gardens are beyond compare. But yet, if you 
 will give me leave to fpeak freely, there are three things wanting 
 
 to make it perfedl.' * My good mother,' interrupted the 
 
 princefs Parizade, ' what are thofe three things ? I conjure 
 
 you in God's name to tell me what they are; and if there be 
 
 5 a pofll- 
 
N'72. The WORLD. 423 
 
 a poflibility of obtaining them, neither difficulties nor dangers 
 fliall ftop me in the attempt.' ' Madam/ replied the old wo- 
 man, ' the firft of thefe three things is the Talking Bird, the 
 fecond is the Singing Tree, and the third is the Yellow or 
 Golden Water.' ' Ah, my good mother,' tried the princefs, 
 ' how much am I obliged to you for the knowledge of thefe 
 things ! They are no doubt the greateft curiofities in the 
 world, and unlefs you can tell me where they are to be 
 found, I am the mod unhappy of women.' The old woman, 
 fatisfied the princefs in that material point, and then took 
 her leave. 
 
 The ftory goes on to inform us, that when the two princes 
 returned from hunting, they found the princefs Parizade fo 
 wrapt up in thought, that they imagined fome great misfor- 
 tune had befallen her, which when they had conjured her to 
 acquaint them Avith, fhe only lifted up her eyes to look upon 
 them, and then fixed them again upon the ground, telling them 
 that nothing difturbed her. The entreaties of the two princes, 
 however, at laft prevailed, and the princefs addi'effed them in 
 the following manner. 
 
 ' You have often told me, my dear brothers, and I have 
 always believed, that this houfe, which our father built, was 
 complete in every thing ; but I have learnt this day that it 
 Avants three things ; thefe are the Talking Bird, the Singing 
 Tree, and the Yellow Water. An old woman has made this 
 difcovery to me, and told' me the place where they are to be 
 found, and the way thither. Perhaps you may look upon 
 
 thefe 
 
4;24 The WORLD. ]Sf» 71. 
 
 thefe rarities as trifles ; but think what you pleafe, I am fully 
 perfuaded that they are abfolutely neceflkry ; and whether you 
 value them or not, I cannot be eafy wdthout them.' 
 
 The fequel tells us, that after the princefs Parizade had ex- 
 prefTed herfelf with this proper fpirit upon the occalion, the 
 brothers, in pity to her wants, went in purfuit of thefe ne- 
 cessaries, and that failing in the enterprize, they w^ere one 
 after another turned into Hone. 
 
 The application of this tale is fo univerfal, that the enume- 
 rating particulars is almoft an unnecefTary labour. The whole 
 fafliionable world are fo many Parizades ; and things not only 
 ufelefi in tlieir natures, but alfo ugly in themfelves, from having 
 been once termed charming by fome fafliionable leaders of 
 modern tafte, are now become fo necessary that nobodi/ ca7i 
 do without them. 
 
 But though this llory happens to be told of a lady, the folly 
 it particularizes is chiefly to be found in the other fex : I 
 mean, in refpe6l to the pernicious confequences attending 
 vain and chimerical purfuits. 
 
 If we enter into the fl;ri<5teft examination of thefe idle long- 
 ings in the women, we fliall find that they feldom amount to 
 any thing more than a diflipation of their pin-money, Avithout 
 any other ill confequence than that of turning their thoughts 
 from fome real good, which they adually poflefs, to an imagi- 
 nary expectation. The paflion for fliells, old china, and the 
 like, is confefledly trifling ; but it is only blameable in pro- 
 portion to the anxiety with which it is purfued : but what is 
 
 this 
 
N'72. The WORLD. 425 
 
 this in comparifon of the defohition of ambition, the wafte of 
 magnificence, and the ruin of play ? 
 
 Madame Montefpan's coach and fix mice was not a more 
 idle, though it was a lefs mifchievous folly, than the armies of 
 her lover, Lewis the fourteenth. The ambition of that monarch 
 to emulate the conquerors of antiquity; of Caefar to rival 
 Alexander ; of Alexander to refemble the hero of his darling 
 poem, the Iliad ; the defigns of Pyrrhus, and the projedl of 
 Xerxes ; what were they but counterparts to a paffion for the 
 Talking Bird, the Singing Tree, and the Yellow Water ? 
 
 To defcend a little into private life, how many do we fee 
 daily talked into a rage for building, gardening, painting, and 
 divers other expences, to the embarraffing a fortune which 
 would more than fufficiently fupply the neceflfaries of life ? 
 Among the numbers who have changed a fober plan of living 
 for one of riot and excefs, the greateft part have been con- 
 verted by the arguments in a drinking fong. Thoufands have 
 taken the fame fruitlefs and expenfive journey, becaufe they 
 have heard that it is very John Trott not to have vifited 
 France, and that a perfon who has not been abroad has seen 
 NOTHING. I was once told b}'^ a gentleman, who had undone 
 himfelf by keeping running horfes, that he owed his ruin to a 
 ftrong impreflion made upon him, when a boy, by his father's 
 butler, who happened to declare in his hearing, ' that it was a 
 creditable thing to keep good cattle; and that if he was 
 a gentleman, he Ihould take great pleafure in being always 
 
 well mounted/ 
 
 3 I But 
 
426 Tn E W O R L D. N" 72. 
 
 But to apply our fable to the moft recent inftance of this 
 fpecies of infatuation : How often have we feen an honeft 
 country gentleman, who has lived a truly happy life, bleifed 
 in his family, amufed with his farms and gardens, entertained 
 by his own beneficence, ufefully employed in the adminiftra- 
 tion of juftice, or in reconciling the differences of his litigious 
 neighbours; but who being talked into an opinion of the 
 great fervice a man might do his country, as well as honour 
 to himfelf, by getting into parliament, has given up all his 
 real enjoyments and ufeful occupations for this imaginary 
 phantom, Avhich has only taught him by experience, what he 
 might have learnt from example, that the family interest^ 
 as it is called, is too often the deftru(3;ion of the family 
 
 ESTATE. -^ 
 
 As to all thofc gentlemen who have gained their ele^tions^ 
 I moft fincerely wifli them joy : and for thofe who have been 
 difappointed, and who now may have leifure to turn their 
 thoughts from their country to themfelves, I beg leave to re- 
 commend to them the pleafures, and, I may add, the duties of 
 domeftic life : in comparifon of which all other advantages are 
 nothing more than the Talking Bird, the Singing Tree, and 
 the Yellow Water. 
 
N'76. Thf. world. 427 
 
 . N" 76. Thursday, June 13, 1754. 
 
 Dimit, tedificat, mutat quadrata rotundis. HoK. 
 
 AT this feafon of the year, when every man is raifing his 
 fliare of dull on the pubhc roads, in order to feaft his lungs 
 with frefti air, and his eyes with novelty, I am led to confider 
 a modern chara6lcr, fcarce ever touched upon before, and 
 which hitherto has obtained no other name from the public 
 than the general one of an Improver. 
 
 In former times, when the garden was made for fruit, the 
 water for fifli, and the park for venifon, the fervants prefided 
 in their feveral departments, and the lord of the manor and 
 his guefts had nothing to do but to fit down and cram them- 
 felves with the products of each. But fmce the genius of 
 TASTE has thought fit to make this ifland his principal refi- 
 dence, and has taught us to enjoy the gifts of nature in a lefs 
 fenfual manner, the mailer of the place thinks it incumbent 
 on him to change the old fyllem, to take all under his own 
 care, and to fee that every thing be of his own doing. Al- 
 teration therefore mull of neceffity be the firll great prin- 
 ciple of an Improver. When he fliews you a plantation, it 
 is conftantly prefaced with, ' Here Hood a wall.' If he direds 
 your eye over an extent of lawn, ' There,' fays he, * we were 
 crowded up with trees.' The lake, you are told, was the fpot 
 
 3 I 2 where 
 
428 The WORLD. 1^' 76.. 
 
 where flood the old ftables or the kitchen-garden ; and the 
 mount was fornierly a horfe-pond. When you have heard this^ 
 you are next of all to know how every thing is to be altered Jiili 
 farther: for as the Improver himfelf never enjoys the prefent 
 flate of things, he labours to difturb the fatisfa6tion you ex- 
 prefs, by telling you that on the 4nount is to be a building ; 
 that the water is to be altered in fliape, fize, and level, and 
 muft have a cafcade and a bridge ; that the largeft trees in 
 the plantation muft be cut down, to give air and funfliine to 
 flirubs and flowers. — In fliort, the defcription of what is to be^ 
 continues through the whole evening of your arrival ; and 
 when he has talked you to fleep, and it is evident that you 
 can hear no longer, he compaffionately difmifles you to reft, 
 knowing that late hours are incompatible with his defigns 
 upon you in the morning. Innocent of thefe defigns, your 
 enjoy the quiet of your chamber, comforting yourfelf thac 
 you muft have feen and heard all, and that the bitternefs of 
 Improvement is over. Or if you are fufpicious of any re- 
 maining fatigue, and are therefore prepared with the proper 
 remonftrances and evaftonsj they will avail- you nothing againft 
 an old pra^lifed Improver : for the inftant you have break- 
 fafted, he propofes your taking a turn or two in the bowling" 
 green for a little frefli air ; to which you readily affent ; and 
 without imagining there can be any occafion for ftepping out 
 of your flippers, you advance with him to the end of the 
 green, where a door in a funk fence unexpedledly opens to 
 the park.. And here, as he afTures you the grafs is fwrt^ you 
 
 axe 
 
N''76. The WORLD. 4£9 
 
 are led through all the pleafures of unconnedled variety, 
 with this recommendation, that it is but a little way from 
 the Palladian portico to the Gothic tower; from the Lap- 
 land to the Chinefe-houfe ; or from the temple of Venus to 
 the hermitage. By this time you are infenfibly enticed to a 
 great diftance from the houfe ; when on a fudden he fliews 
 you over the park-wall a number of labourers mending the 
 highway ; and, fince you are got fo far, willies you to go a 
 little farther, that he may take this opportunity to give a few 
 neceflary inftru£lions, and that the road may be mended with 
 the advantage of your opinion and concurrence. In vain do 
 you pull out your watch ; in vain remonftrate to him how late 
 it is, or how rude it will be to make the ladies wait dinner t 
 in vaid do you try to move him by ftroking your chin, and 
 fhewing him a moft perfuafive length of beard, or implore his 
 compaffion on your Morocco flippers, pleading that if you 
 had expected fo long a walk, you would have put on your 
 ftrong flioes. — He knows that if you had apprehended a walk 
 of half the diftance, he never could have moved you from 
 your eafy chair; and being thoroughly fenfible that it will 
 not be in his power to get you fo far again, is refolved to 
 make his advantage of the prefent opportunity ; fo leads you 
 to every ditch that is emptying, or brick-kiln that is reeking 
 for him ; to his barn that is to be turned into a church, or to 
 his farm that is to be made a ruin for the fake of his profpedl ; 
 till at length he brings you fo late home, that you are obliged 
 
 ta 
 
43d The WORLD. l^f' 76. 
 
 to fit down undreffed to a fpoiled dinner with a family out of 
 humour, 
 
 I remember the good time, when the price of a haunch of 
 venifon with a country friend was only half an hour's walk 
 upon a hot terrass ; a defcent to the two fquare fifli-ponds 
 overgrown with a frog-fpawn ; a peep into the hog-ftye, or a 
 vifit to the pigeon-houfe. How rcafonable was this, when 
 compared with the attention now expected from you to the 
 number of temples, pagoda's, pyramids, grotto's, bridges, 
 hermitages, caves, towers, hot-houfes, &c. &c. for which the 
 day is too fliort, and which brings you to your meal fatigued 
 and overcome with heat, denied the ufual refreflinient of 
 clcfm-linen, and robbed of your appetite ! 
 
 Having now fufficiently warned the VisiToii of what he is 
 to guard againft, it is but juft I fliould give fome few hints for 
 the fervice of the Improver, whom I muft always confider 
 (a little vanity excepted) as ading upon principles of benevo- 
 lence, and from a defire of giving pleafure. It is this princi- 
 ple that blinds and milleads his judgment, by fuggefting to 
 him that he fliall find from the Visitor and others, who 
 come to fee his works, returns of equal civility and good- 
 humour. But it will be expedient for him to refled; that thefe 
 gentlemen do not always bring with them that defire to be 
 pl( afed, which, by his own difpofition^ he is too apt to fup- 
 pofe, and which one would think, lliould be effential to every 
 party of pleafure: for (exdufive of that natural inclination to 
 6 cenfure, 
 
N*76. The WORLD. 451 
 
 cenfure, which fo generally attends all exercife of the judg- 
 ment) on thefe occafions, every occurrence of the day will 
 probably adminifler to the fpleen of the critic. If the 
 weather be too hot or too cold for him ; if it be windy 
 or fliowery; if he has flept ill the night before; if he is 
 hungry or tick ; if he is tired or fore ; if he has loft a 
 bett upon the road ; if he has quarrelled with his friend ; if 
 he has been rebuked by his wife ; or, in fhort, if any thing 
 has offended him, he is fure to take his revenge in full, by 
 finding fault with every thing that was defigned for his enter- 
 tainment. In this difpofition of mind, there is nothing fafe 
 but the ihadygravel walk, with the few plain and neceffary 
 refting-places, which leads to the undifguifed farm, or the na- 
 vigable river. He will be fure to allow you no poftulatum. 
 He abfolutely denies the exiftence of hermits, mandarins, and 
 the whole heathen fyftem of divinities. He difputes the an- 
 tiquity of your ruin, and the genuinenefs of your hermitage : 
 nay, he will defcend to cavil at the bell with which the hermit 
 is fuppofed to ring himfelf to prayers. He is fo cruel as to 
 controvert your fuppofition that the new-made water is a 
 river, though he knows it muft have coft you an immenfe 
 fum, and that it covers the richeft meadow-ground you are 
 mafter of He leads the company to every funk fence which 
 you chufe fliould be unobferved. If he fufpe^ts a building 
 to be new-fronted, he finds out a private way to the decayed 
 fide of it ; happy if he can difcover it to have been a ftable 
 
 or 
 
432 The WORLD. ^"76, 
 
 or a pig-ftye. His report of 3'our place, after he has left it, 
 is exadlly of a piece witli his behaviour while there. He either 
 defcribes it as a bog that will not bear a horfe, or as a fand 
 that cannot produce a blade of grafs. If he finds in reality 
 neither bog nor barren fand, his willies fupply his belief, and 
 he labours to perfuade himfelf and others that one of thefe 
 defe6ts is the eharaiileriftic of your foil, but that you hate to 
 be told of it, and always deny it. 
 
 One cannot but admire his ingenuity in particular cafes, 
 where it has been judged impofTible to find a fault. If you 
 lead him to a knowl of uncommon verdure, varied with the 
 fortunate difpofition of old oaks, commanding the moft rural 
 fcenes, and, at a proper diftance, the view of a large city, he 
 flirugs up his ihoulders and tells you it wants water. If your 
 principal objed; be a lake, he will ftrain a point to report it 
 green and ftagnated ; or elfe take the advantage of a thunder- 
 ftorm to pronounce it white or yellow. If you have a flream, 
 he laments the frequency of floods ; if a tide-river, the fmell 
 of mud at low-water. He deted;s your painted cafcade, mif- 
 conftrues your infcriptions, and puns upon your motto's. 
 Within doors he doubts if your pictures are originals, and 
 exprefles his apprehenfions that your ftatues will bi'ing the 
 houfe down. 
 
 As I wifli moft fincerely to reconcile thefe gentlemen to 
 each other, I fliall recommend to the Improver the example 
 of a particular friend of mine. It is faid in Milton, that 
 
 before 
 
N*99. The WORLD. 43S 
 
 before the angel difclofed to Adam the profped; from the 
 hill in paradife, he 
 
 p urged reith euphrafy and rue 
 His vifual ncrvtjfor he had much to fee : 
 
 fo this gentleman (borrowing the hint from Milton, but pre- 
 ferring a more modern opthalmic) upon the arrival of his Visi- 
 tors, takes care to purge their vifual nerves with a fufficient 
 quantity of champaign ; after which, he alTures me, they 
 never see a fault in his improvements. 
 
 N° 99> Thursday, November 21, 1754. 
 
 Prudens futuri temporis exitum 
 
 Caliginofa node premit Deus ; 
 
 Midetque,Ji morlalis ultra 
 
 Fas trtpidat. Quod adejl, memento 
 Componere aquus, HoK, 
 
 IT requires very little experience of the world to difcover 
 that mankind feldom enjoy the prefent hour, but are almoft 
 continually employing their thoughts about the future. This 
 difpofition may indeed ferve to delude fome people into a 
 happinefs, which, otherwife, they would never know ; and we 
 fometimes fee men engaging in projects apparently difad- 
 vantageous to themfelves, that they may enjoy the comfort- 
 able thought of having benefited their families. But unfor- 
 tunately this is not the general turn of mankind ; and, I am 
 
 3 K afraid, 
 
434 The WORLD. W 99. 
 
 afraid, ftill lefs fo of my counti ymen than of any others : they 
 are conftantly looking towards the dark fide of the profpe6t> 
 fearing every thing, and hoping nothing. 
 
 This unhappy difpofition feems to fpread its baleful influ- 
 ence more fatally in this month, than in any other of the 
 whole year : for befides the colds, vapours, and nervous dif- 
 orders with which individuals are afflid;ed, the state always 
 fuffers exceedingly during this month. I myfelf remember 
 THIS COUNTRY UNDONE cvery November for thefe forty 
 years.. The truth is, that to make amends for that levity and 
 diffipation of thought which horfe-racing and rural fports 
 have occafioned in the fummer, every zealous Englifhman 
 fits down at this feafon ferioufly to confider the ftate of the na- 
 tion ; and always, upon mature refle6lion, concludes that mat- 
 ters are fo exceeding bad, that the bufinefs of government can- 
 not poffibly be carried on through another feffion. The pro- 
 du6ls of the prefs, either proceeding from perfons really affed- 
 ed by the feafon, or cunningly defigned to fuit the gloomy dif- 
 pofition of the buyer, all tend to increafe this diforder of the 
 mind. Serious Confiderations, The Tears of Trade, The Groans 
 of the Plantations, and the like, are the titles that fpread the 
 fale of pamphlets at this feafon of the year ; while The Cordial 
 for low Spirits, and The Pills to purge Melancholy have no 
 chance for a vent, till the fpring has given a turn to the bloody, 
 and put the fpirits into a difpofition to be pleafed. 
 
 There are indeed many recreations and amufements in this. 
 
 metropolis, that are defigned as fo many antidotes to the^ 
 
 6 general; 
 
N'99. The WORLD. 435 
 
 general gloom ; but though we have had this year the greateft 
 importation of entertainment that ever was known, I doubt, 
 there are many inhabitants of this city who are at prefent fo 
 totally poflefled with the fpleen, that they do not know of 
 half the number of dancers, fingers, mimics, and beauties, 
 which are already arrived. It is, however, comfortable to 
 refledl on that happy revolution, which is conftantly brought 
 about by the Chriftmas hohdays and the lengthening of the ' 
 days. Thofe who feemed fo lately to be loft in defpair, grow 
 into fpirits on a fudden; and plays, operas, balls, pantomimes, 
 and burlettas, diffufe an univerfal ecftafy. 
 
 But even in the midft of this higheft tide of fpirits, I am 
 forry to fay it, the moft groundiefs fuppofitions of what may 
 poffibly happen, fliall fpread a cloud over all our joy. The 
 idea of an invafion, a comet, or an earthquake, fhall keep the 
 whole town in an agony for many weeks. In fliort, every 
 apprehenfion fliall in its turn make an impreflion on our ima- 
 ginations, except that of a future state. 
 
 That this great event fliould not occupy thofe minds which 
 are totally engroffed by the present, is not much to be won- 
 dered at ; but that it fliould be the only view towards which 
 thefe LooKERS-roRWARD never turn their eyes, is an incon- 
 fiftency altogether unaccountable. 
 
 When FalftaiF's wench is fitting upon his knee, her hint 
 feems to be a little ill-timed, when flie advifes him to patch 
 up his old body for Heaven ; and his reply is fuitable to the 
 place aad occaiiou ; Peace, good Doll ; do not /peak like a 
 
 3 K a death's- 
 
436 The WORLD. N" 99. 
 
 death's-head; do not hid me remember mine end. Mrs. Quickly 
 was no lefs blameable on the other fide, when finding him fo 
 near his end that he began to cry out, flie fays. Now I, to 
 COMFORT him, hid him hejliould not think of God. 
 
 I avoid entering ferioufly and particularly into this fubjedl,- 
 that I may not give my paper the air of a fermon : and inllead 
 of ufing arguments of a religious caft, I defire only to recom- 
   mend a propriety and confiftency of thought and condu6fc. 
 It is therefore that I would advife my readers either to throw 
 afide, not for this month only, but for their whole lives, this 
 gloon)y curiofity that will avail them nothing, and to enter 
 into a free and full enjoyment of the present ; or if, of 
 neceffity, they mull dired; their whole atttention to the fu- 
 ture, let it be to that expectation, which they may depend 
 upon with the utmolt certainty, which will afford the moll 
 profitable exercife for their inquifitive thoughts, and which 
 will be the only inftance where an anxious concern for the 
 FUTURE can poflibly be of fervice to them. 
 
 I have been principally led into this train of thinking by a 
 letter which I received yefterday by the penny-poft, and which 
 I fhall here communicate to my readers, as a proper eonclu- 
 fion of this paper. 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 
 Sir, 
 
 I am juft returned from a fliort vifit to fome relations of 
 mine, who live in a large old manfion-houfe in the country. 
 The gloomy afpe6t of the place, the unpleafing appearance of 
 
 nature 
 
N°99. The WORLD. 437 
 
 nature at the fall of the leaf, and the alteration of weather 
 with the change of the feafon, made me acquiefce in the re- 
 ceived opinion, that there is really fomething dreadful in the j 
 influence of this month of November; which, however, we who 
 live in London, have no fuch apparent reafon to be affected 
 with. 
 
 The melancholy imprefllon which I received from the place, 
 was greatly increafed by the turn of its inhabitants. My 
 uncle and aunt are blefled with a competent fortune, and two 
 fine children; but they neither enjoy the one, nor educate the 
 other; their whole attention being engrofled by objects, 
 which, in their eftimation, are of much greater confequence. 
 My uncle is continually employed in computing the year in 
 which this kingdom is to become a province to France; and 
 my aunt is no lefs occupied in endeavouring to fix the exa6t 
 time of the Millenium. 
 
 A younger brother of my uncle's, who lives in the family, 
 and who is a very great mathematician, has been bufied many 
 years in calculations, which, he afierts, are of the utmofl; im- 
 portance to the world, as they affed, the duration and well- 
 being of it. He is greatly apprehenfive that, from Sir Ifaac 
 Newton's fyftem, the time will come when this earth, round 
 as it was at firft created, will be as flat as a pancake: but long 
 before this event can happen, it mufl; certainly fuffer a more 
 palpable inconvenience. He has made a difcovery that the 
 profufion of man confumes fafter than the earth produces. 
 Vail fleets, and enormous buildings, have wafted almoft all 
 our oak ; and the firs of Norway are beginning to fail. What 
 
 fliall 
 
436 The world. N* 102. 
 
 fliall we do, he fays, when the coal, fait, iron, and lead mines, 
 are exhaufted ? And befides, may it not happen before thefe 
 ei'cnts take place, that fucli vaft excavations, inconfiderately 
 made, may give a pernicious inequality to the balance of the 
 globe? Thefe ai'guments are flighted by his brother, who is 
 more immediately alarmed for the balance of Europe ; but 
 thej'^ have great weight with my aunt, as they evince the ne- 
 ceflTity of a renewal, and tend to haften, as well as prove, the 
 cftablifliment of the Millenium. 
 
 A farther account of the anxieties of this family may pof- 
 fibly be the fubjed; of another letter : I fhall, however, con- 
 clude this Avith difcovering to you my own. I am in great 
 pain left the young fquire fliould turn out a vulgar and im- 
 perious blockhead, from having been left all his life to fer- 
 vants ; and 1 am forry to fay, that the event which my uncle 
 and aunt have moft immediate reafon to apprehend, is my 
 coufm Mary's running away with the butler. 
 
 I am. Sir, your humble fervant, 
 
 A. Z. 
 
 N" 102. Thursday, December 12, 1754. 
 
 Proferet in luccm fpeciofa vocabula rerum. HoR. 
 
 Mr. Fitz-Adam, 
 AS an Englilhman, I gratefully applaud the zeal you fliew 
 for afcertaining our language; and am equally ready to ac- 
 knowledge 
 
 ^ 
 
N" 102. The WORLD. 439 
 
 knowledge the ufe and even the neceffity of the neological 
 di6tionary, mentioned m your laft paper. I muft, however, 
 beg leave fo far to diffent from you as to doubt the pro- 
 priety of joining to the fixed and permanent ftandard of our 
 language, a vocabulary of words which perifti and are forgot 
 within the compafs of the year. 
 
 That we are obliged to the ladies for moft of thefe onia- 
 Hients to our language, I readily acknowledge ; but it nmft 
 alfo be acknowledged that it would be degrading their in- 
 vention to fuppofe they would defire a perpetuity* of any 
 thing whofe lofs they can fo eafily fupply. It would be no 
 lels an error to imagine that they wanted a repofitoi-y for 
 their words after they have worn them out, than that they 
 wifhed for a wardrobe to preferve their caft-ofT fafliions. No- 
 velty is their pleafure : Angularity and the love of being be-i 
 fore-hand is greatly flattering to the female mind. From 
 hence arifes the prefent tafte for planting, and the pleafure the 
 ladies take in lliewing their exotics, as giving them an oppor- 
 tunity of talking Greek. With what refpe<5iful pleafure do 
 their admirers gaze, while their pretty mouths troll out the 
 Toxicodendron,. Chryfanthemum, Orchis, Tragopogon, Hy- 
 pericum, and the like ? 
 
 From hence only can we account for that jargon which the 
 French call the Bon ton, which they are obliged to change con- 
 tinually, as foon as they find it prophaned by any other com- 
 pany but one Itep lower than themfelves in their degrees of 
 politenefs. A lady armed with a new word, exults with a 
 
 confcious 
 
440 The WORLD. NM02. 
 
 confcious fuperiority, and exercifes a tyranny over thofe who 
 do not underftand her, hke the delegates of the law, with their 
 Capias, Latitat, and Venire facias : but a word which has 
 been a month upon the town lofes its force, and makes as 
 poor a figure as the law put into Engliili. 
 
 In order therefore to interpret every new M'ord, and what 
 is Hill more important, to give the different acceptations of 
 the fame words, according to the various fenfes in which they 
 are received and underftood in the different parts of this ex- 
 tenfive metropolis, I w^ould recommend a fmall portable vo- 
 cabulary to be annually publiOied and bound up with the 
 almanack. It is of great confequence that a work of this na- 
 ture fliould be duly and carefully executed, becaufe though it 
 is very grievous to be ignorant, it is much more terrible to be 
 deceived or mifled ; and this is greatly to be apprehended 
 from the abufe of turaing old words from their former fignifi- 
 cation to a fenfe not only very different, but often dire6lly 
 contrary to it. The coining a new word, that is to fay, a new 
 found, which had no fenfe previoufly affixed to it, will proba- 
 bly have no other ill effect than puzzling for a while the un- 
 derftanding and memory : but what (hall we fay to the turn 
 which the prefent age has taken of giving an entire new fenfe 
 to words and expreffions, and that in fo delicate a cafe as the 
 chara6tersof men? I remember when a certain perfon inform- 
 ed a large company at the polite end of the town, that, in the 
 cit}', a GOOD MAN was a term meant to denote a man who was 
 able and ready at all times to pay a bill at fight, the whole af- 
 
 ferably 
 
N* 108. The WORLD. 441 
 
 femblj fliook their heads, and thought it was a firange per- 
 verfion of language. And yet thefe very perfons are not 
 aware that the phrafes they commonly ufe would appear 
 equally llrange on the other fide Temple-bar. A silly fel- 
 low, for inftance, would there be thought a weak young man, 
 who had been fo often impofed upon that he was not worth a 
 groat ; inilead of that, it is the moil common term for one 
 who poflefles the very fortune, talents, miftrefs, or preferment, 
 which his defcriber wiflies to have. In like manner, a silly 
 WOMAN implies one who is more beautiful, young, happy, and 
 good-natured, than the reft of her female acquaintance. Odd 
 MAN is a term we frequently hear vociferated in the ftreets, 
 when a chairman is in want of a partner. But when a lady 
 of quality orders her porter to let in no odd people, flie 
 means all decent, grave men, women who have never been 
 talked of, many of her own relations, and all her hu {band's. 
 
 Befides thofe words which owe their rife to caprice or acci- 
 dent, there are many Avhich having been long confined to par- 
 ticular profeffions, offices, diftridls, climates, &c. are brought 
 into public ufe by fafliion, or the reigning topic on which 
 converfation has happened to dwell for any confiderable 
 time. During the great rebellion they talked univerfally the 
 language of the fcriptures. To your tents, Ifrael, was the 
 well-known cry of fa6tion in the ftreets. They beat the enemy 
 froin Dan even unto Beajheba, and exprefled themfelves in a 
 manner which muft have been totally unintelligible, except 
 in thofe extraordinary times, when people of all forts hap- 
 
 3 L pencd 
 
442   The WORLD. NM02. 
 
 pened to read the Bible. To thefe fucceeded the wits of 
 Charles's days; to underftand whom it was neceffary to 
 have remembered a great deal of bad poetry ; as they gene- 
 rally began or concluded their difcourfe with a couplet. In 
 our memory the late war, which began at fea, filled our 
 mouths with terms from that element. The land war not only 
 enlarged the fize of our fwords and hats, but of our words 
 alfo. The peace taught us the language of the fecretary's 
 office. Our country fquires made treaties about their game, 
 and ladies negociated the meeting of their lap-dogs. Parlia- 
 mentary language has been ufed mithout doors. We drink 
 claret or port according to the Hate of our Jinances. To fpend 
 9, week in the country or town is a meafure ; and if we diflike 
 the meafure, we put a negative upon it. With the rails and 
 buildings of the Chinefe, we adopted alfo for a while their 
 language. A doll of that country we called a jofs, and a 
 flight building a pagoda. For that year we talked of nothing 
 but palanquins, nabobs, mandarins, junks, fepoys, &c. To, 
 what was this owing, but the war in the Eaft-Indies ?. 
 
 I would therefore farther propofe, in order to render this 
 work complete, that a fupplement be added to it, which fliall 
 be an explanation of the words, figures and forms of fpeech of 
 the country, that will moft probably be the fubje£t of conver- 
 fation for the enfuing year. For infl:ance : Whoever confider& 
 the deftination of our prefent expedition, mull think it high 
 time to publifh an interpretation of Weft-India phrafes, which 
 will foon become fo current among us, that no man will be fit 
 € to 
 
N'l02. The WORLD. 443 
 
 to appear in company, who fliall not be able to ornament his 
 difcourfe with thofe jewels. For my part, I wifli fuch a work 
 had been publiflied time enough to have affifted me in read- 
 ing the folloM'ing extract of a letter from one of our colonies. 
 
 ' The Chippoways and Orundaks are ftill very trouble- 
 
 fome. Laft week they fcalped one of our Indians: but the 
 Six nations continue firm; and at a meeting o^ Sachems it was 
 determined to take up the hatchet, and make the war-kettle boil. 
 The French defired tofmoak the calumet of peace, but the half- 
 king would not confent. They offered the fpeech-belt, but it 
 was refufed. Our governor has received an account of their 
 proceedings, together with a Jiring of wampum, and a bundle 
 ofjkins to brighten the chain.' 
 
 A work of this kind, if well executed, cannot fail to make 
 the fortune of the undertaker : for I am convinced that a 
 GUIDE to the NEW-ENGLISH tonguc muft have as great a fale 
 as the Britifli Peerage, Baronetage, Regifter of Races, Lift of 
 the Houfes, and other fuch-like nomenclators, which confti- 
 tut'e the ufeful part of the modem library. 
 
 I am. Sir, 
 
 Your mofi humble fervant, 
 
 C. D. 
 
 3 L 8 
 
444 The W O R L D. N° io4. 
 
 N" 104. Thursday, December 2,6, 1754. 
 
 Seria cum pojfim, quod dele&antia malim 
 Sciibere, tucauja es, LeSlor. Mart. 
 
 THIS being the day after the feftival of Chriftmas, as alfo 
 the laft Thurfday of the old year, I feel myfelf in a manner 
 called upon for a paper fuitable to the folemnity of the occar- 
 fion. But upon refledion I find it neceffary to rejed any 
 fuch confideration, for the fame reafon that I have hitherto 
 declined giving too ferious a turn to the generality of thefe 
 effays. Papers of pleafantry, enforcing fome leffer duty, or, 
 reprehending fome fafliionable folly, will be of more real ufe 
 than the fineft writing and mod virtuous moral, which few or 
 none will be at the pains to read through. I do not mean to 
 reproach the age with having no delight in any thing ferious; 
 but I cannot help obferving, that the demand for moral effays 
 (and the prefent times have produced many excellent ones) 
 has of late fallen very lliort of their acknowledged merits. 
 
 The world has always confidered amufement to be the prin- 
 cipal end of a public paper: and though it is the duty of 
 a writer to take care that fome ufefid moral be inculcated, yet 
 unlefs he be happy in the peculiar talent of couching it under 
 the appearance of mere entertainment, his compofitions will be 
 ufelefs: his readers will deep over his unenlivened inftruc- 
 tions, or be difgufted at his too frequently overhauling old 
 
 worn- 
 
N° 104. The WORLD: US 
 
 worn-out fubjedls, and retailing what is to be found in every 
 
 library in the kingdom. 
 
 Innocent mirth and levity are more apparently the prO" 
 
 vince of fuch an undertaking as this; but whether they are 
 
 really fo or not, while mankind agree to think fo, the writer 
 
 who fliall happen to be of a different opinion, muft foon find 
 
 himfelf obliged feither to lay afide his prejudices- or his pen. 
 
 Nor ought it to be fuppofed in the prefent times j when every 
 
 general topic is exhaufted, that there can be any other way 
 
 of engaging the attention, than by reprefenting the manners 
 
 as fall as they change, and enforcing the novelty of them with 
 
 all the powers of drawing, and heightening it with all the 
 
 colouring of humour. The only danger is, left the habit of 
 
 levity fliould tend to the admiflion of any thing contrary to 
 
 the defign of fuch a work. To this I can only fay, that the 
 
 greateft care has been taken, in the courfe of thefe papersyto 
 
 weigh and confider the tendency of every fentiment and ex- 
 
 prcffion ; and if any thing improper has obtained a place in 
 
 tliem, I can truly ailert that it has been only OAving to that 
 
 inadvertency Avhich attends a various publication.; and Avhich 
 
 is fo inevitable, tliat (however, extraordinary it may feem to 
 
 thofe who are now to be told it) it is notorious that there 
 
 are papers printed in the Guardian Avhich were written in 
 
 artful ridicule of the very undertakers of that work, and theic 
 
 moft particular friends. * 
 
 In 
 
 * No. 40 of the Gunrdian was wriUen by Pope, and contains an artful and 
 ingenious ridicule of Philips's Paftorals. As Philips was a friend of Addifon, it 
 
 is 
 
446 The WORLD. N° I04. 
 
 In writings of humour, figures are fometiraes ufed of fo de- 
 licate a nature, that it fliall often happen that fome people 
 will fee things in a diredl contrary fenfe to what the author 
 and the majority of readers underftand them. To fuch the 
 moft innocent irony may appear irreligion or wickednefs. 
 But in the mifapprehenfion of this figure, it is not always that 
 the reader is to blame. A great deal of irony may feem very 
 .clear to the writer, which may not be fo properly managed as 
 to be fafely trufted to the various capacities and apprehenfions 
 of all forts of readers. In fuch cafes the conductor of a paper 
 will be liable to various kinds of cenfure, though in reality 
 nothing can be proA^ed againft him but want of judgment. 
 
 Having given my general reafons againft the too frequent 
 writing of ferious papers, it may not be improper to fpeak 
 more particularly of the feafon which gave rife to thefe re- 
 flections, and to lliew, that as matters ftand at prefent, it 
 would not even be a fanclion for fuch kind of compofitions. 
 Our anceftors confidered Chriftmas in the double light of a holy 
 commemoration, and a chearful feftival; and accordingly 
 diftinguiflied it by devotion, by vacation from bufinefs, by 
 merriment and hofpitalit3^ They feemed eagerly bent to 
 make themfelves and every body about them happy. With 
 what pun(Stual zeal did they wifli one another a merry Chriji- 
 mas ! and what an omiffion would it have been thought, to 
 have concluded a letter without the compliments of the feafon ! 
 
 The 
 
 is not likely Steele would have admitted his paper had he been aware of the 
 seal intention of the writer. E. 
 
NM04. The WORLD. 447 
 
 The great hall refounded with the tumultuous joys of fervants 
 and tenants, and the gambols they played ferved as amufe- 
 ment to the loid of the manfion and his family, who, by en- 
 couraging every art conducive to mirth and entertainment, 
 endeavoured to foften the rigour of the feafon, and to mitigate 
 the influence of winter. What a fund of delight was the 
 chuiing King aud Queen upon Twelfth-night! and how 
 •greatly ought we to regret the neglect of mince-pies, which, 
 befides the idea of merry-making infeparable from them, were 
 always confidered as the teft of fchifmatics ! How zealoufly 
 were they fwallowed by the orthodox, to the utter confufion 
 ©f all fanatical recufants I If any country gentleman Ihould 
 be fo unfortunate in this age as to lie under a fufpicion of 
 herefy, where will he find fo eafy a method of acquitting him- 
 felf, as by the ordeal of plum-porridge ? 
 
 To account for a revolution which has rendered this feafon 
 (jfo eminently diftinguiflied formerly) now fo little different 
 from the reft of the year, will be no difficult talk. The fliare 
 which devotion had in the folemnization of Chriftmas is greatly 
 reduced ; and it is not to be expeded, that thofe who have 
 ao religion at any other time of the year, fliould fuddenly 
 bring their minds from a habit of diffipation to a temper not 
 very eafy to be taken up with the day. As to the influence 
 which vacation from bufmefs and feftal mirth have had in 
 the celebration of the holidays, they can have no particular 
 effed in the prefent times, when almoft every day is fpent 
 hke an anniverfary rejoicing, when every dinner is a feaft, 
 
 the 
 
448 The WORLD. N° 104. 
 
 i. 
 
 the very tailing of our wines hard drinking, and our common 
 play gaming. It is not therefore to be wondered at, that 
 there is nothing remaining in this town to characterize the 
 time, but the orange and rofemary, and the belhnan s verfes. 
 
 The Romans allotted this month to the celebration of the 
 •feaft called the Saturnalia. During thefe holidays every fer- 
 ■vant had the liberty of faying what he pleafed to his mailer 
 .with impunity. 
 
 ■Jge, libertatc Decembri, 
 
 Quando ita majores voluerunt, utere. 
 
 1 wifli with all my heart that the fame indulgence was allowed 
 to fervants in thefe times, provided that it would be a reflraint 
 upon their licentioufnefs through the reft of the year. 
 
 The moft fatal revolution, and what principally concerns 
 this fcafon, is the too general defertion of the country, the 
 great fcene of hofpitality. Of all the follies of this age, it is 
 the leaft to be accounted for, how fmall a part of fuch as 
 throng to London in the winter, are thofe who either go upon 
 the plea of bulinefs, or to amufe themfelves with what were 
 formerly called the pleafures of the place. There are the 
 theatres, mufic, and, I may add, many other entertainments, 
 which are only to be had in perfection in the metropolis : but 
 it is really a fad, that three parts in four of thofe who crowd 
 the houfes which are already built, and who are now taking 
 ieafes of foundations which are to be houfes as faft as hands 
 can make them, come to town with the fole view of palling 
 their time over a card-table. 
 
 To 
 
N* 104. The WORLD. 4+9 
 
 To what this is owing I am at a lofs to conceive ; but I 
 have at leaft the fatisfa6iion of faying, that I have not con- 
 tributed to the groM'th of this folly ; nor do I find, upon a re- 
 view of all my papers, that I have painted this town in fuch 
 glowing and irrefiftible colours, as to have caufed this forcible 
 attra<9;ion. I have not fo much as given an ironical com- 
 mendation of crowds, which feem to be the great allurements ; 
 nor have I any where attempted to put the pleafures of the 
 town in competition with thofe of the country. On the con- 
 trary, it has been, and will be, my care during the continuance 
 of this work, to delineate the manners and fafliions of a town- 
 life fo truly and impartially, as rather to fatisfy than excite 
 the curiofity of a country reader, who may be defirous to know 
 what is doing in the world. If at any time I fliould allow 
 the metropolis its due praifes, as being the great mart for arts, 
 fciences, and erudition, I ought not to be accufed of influenc- 
 ing thofe perfons who pay their vifits to it upon very different 
 confiderations : nor can any thing I fliall fay, of the tendency 
 above-mentioned, be pleaded in excufe for coming up to 
 toAvn merely to play at cards. 
 
 M 
 
A5&. The world. N' lOSv 
 
 N° 106. Thursday, January 9, 1755.. 
 
 Satis Eloquentia Sallust. 
 
 HAVING received a letter of a very extraordinary na- 
 ture, I think myfelf obliged to give it to the public, thougb 
 I am afraid many of my readers may obje6l to the terms of 
 art, of which I cannot diveft it : but I (hall make no apology 
 for what may any way tend to the advancement of a fcience,, 
 which is now become fo fafliionablc, popular, and flourifliing.. 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 
 As all forts of perfons are at this prefent juncture defirous- 
 of becoming fpeakers; and as many of them, through the* 
 neglect of parents or otherwife, have been totally ungrounded 
 in the firft principles or rudiments of rhetoric, I have with 
 great pains and judgment fele£ted fuch particulars as may 
 moll immediately, and without fuch rudiments, conduce to* 
 the perfection of that fcience, and which, if duly attended- 
 to, will teach grown gentlemen to fpeak in public in fo com- 
 plete a manner, that neither they nor their audience fliall; 
 difcover the want of ah earlier application. 
 
 I do not addrefs myfelf to you like thofe who correfpondi 
 
 with the daily papers, in order to puff off my expeditious. 
 
 method by referring you to the many perfons of quality, whom. 
 
 I have taught in four-and-twenty hours; I chufe openly and 
 
 6 ' fairly 
 
NM06. The WORLD. 45i 
 
 fairly to fubmit my plan to your infpeftion, which will lliew 
 you tliat I teach rather Iioav to handle antagonifts than ar- 
 guments. 
 
 I diftinguifli what kind of man to cut with a fyllogifm, and 
 whom to overwhelm with the forites ; whom to enfnare with 
 the crocodile, and whom to hamper in the horns of the di- 
 lemma. Againft the pert, young, bold aiferter, I dire6t the 
 argiimentum ad vereaindiam. This is frequently the moil de- 
 cifive argument that can be ufed in a populous affembly. If, 
 for inftance a forward talker fliould advance that fuch an 
 ancient poet is dull, you put him at once both to fdence and 
 fliame, by faying, that Arillotle has commended him. If the 
 difpute be about a Greek word, and he pronounces it to be 
 inelegant, and never ufed by any author of credit, you con- 
 found him by telling him it is in Ariftophanes ; and you need 
 not difcover that it is in the mouth of a bird, a frog, or a 
 Scythian who talks broken Greek. 
 
 To explain my argumentum ad ignorantiam (which appears 
 to be of the leaft ufe, becaufe it is only to be employed againft 
 a modeji man) let us fuppofe a peifon fpeaking with diffidence 
 of fome tranfa6lion on the continent : you may alk hira with 
 a fneer. Pray, lir, were you ever abroad ? If he has related a 
 fadl from one of our American iflands, you may affert he can 
 know nothing of the affairs of that ifland, for you were horn 
 there ; and to prove his ignorance, afk him what latitude it is hi. 
 In loquacious crowds, you will have much more frequent 
 occafions for uiing my argnmentwn adjiominem ; and the mi- 
 
 3 M 2 nute 
 
45J The world. N" loe. 
 
 nute particulars into which men are led by egotifm, will give 
 you great advantages in preffing them with, confequences 
 drawn from their fuppofed principles. You may alfo take 
 away the force of a man's argument, by concluding from fome 
 equivocal expreflion, that he is a jacobite,. a republican, a 
 courtier, a methodift, a freethinker, or a jew. You may flino- 
 at his country, or profeffion : he talks like an apothecary, you 
 believe hira to be a tooth-drawer, or know that he is a tayloc. 
 This argument might be of great ufe at the bar in examining 
 witnefles, if the lawyers would not think it inconfillent with 
 the dignity and politenefs of their profeffion, " 
 
 By this fketch of my plan, you may fee that my pupils may 
 moft properly be faid to ftudy mea : and the principal thing 
 I endeavour to teach them from that knowledge, is, the art 
 of difcovering the different flrength of their competitors, fo 
 as to know when to anfwer, and Avhen to lie by. And as I 
 entirely throw out of my fyftem the argumentum ad judiciumf 
 which, according to Mr. Locke, * is the ufmg of proofs drawn, 
 from any of the foundations of knowledge,' there will be 
 nothing in my academy that will, have the leaft appearance 
 of a fchool, and of confequence nothing to make a gentleman 
 either afraid or afhamed of attending it 
 
 Enquire for A. B. at the bar of the Bedford coffee- 
 houfe. 
 
 As the foregoing letter fo fully explains itfelf, I fliall take 
 no other notice of it ; but in complaifance to my correfpond^ 
 
 ent, 
 
N°10a The WORLB. 453 
 
 ent, fliall throw together a few loofe obfervations on our pre- 
 fent numerous focieties for the propagation of eloquence^ 
 And here I cannot but pleafe myfelf with the reflexion, that 
 as did;ionaries have been invented, by the help of which thofe 
 who cannot Jitidy may learn arts and fciences ; here is now 
 found a method of teaching them to thofe who cannot read. 
 
 Thefe foundations are inftituted in the very fpirit of Ly- 
 curgus, who difcountenanced all written laws, and eftabliflied 
 in their ftead a fyftem of policy called rhetra, from its 
 being fpoken, which he ordered to be the daily fubjed; of 
 difcourfe, and ordained mixed aflemblies for that end, where 
 the young might be taught, by attending to the converfation 
 of the old. 
 
 In Turkey, where the majority of the inhabitants can nei- 
 ther write nor read, the charitable eare of that confi derate 
 people has provided a method of compenfating the want of 
 thofe arts, and even the ufe of the prefs, by having a relay of 
 narrators ready to be alternately elevated on a ftool in every 
 coffee-houfe, to fupply the office of news-papers and pan> 
 phlets to the Turkifli quidnuncs and critics. 
 
 Speech being the faculty which exalts man above the reft 
 of the creation, we may confider eloquence as the talent 
 which gives him the moft diftinguifhed pre-eminence over his 
 own fpecies ; and yet Juvenal makes no fcruple to declare, 
 that it would have been better for Cicero, to have been a 
 mere poetafter, and for Demofthenes to have worked under 
 
 his 
 
9 
 454 The WORLD. N» 106. 
 
 his father as a blackfmith, than to have frequented the fchools 
 of rhetoric. 
 
 Diis ilk adverfis genitus fatogue Jinijlro, 
 Quern pater, ardentis maffk fuligine lippits, 
 Afornace et forcipibus, gladiofque parante 
 Incudc, ac luteo Vulcano, ad Rhetora niifit. 
 
 I am glad to find that our blackfmiths and other artifans have 
 a nobler way of thinking, and the fpirit to do for themfelvcs 
 what the father of Demofthenes did for him. And I fee this 
 -with the greater pleafure, as I hope I may confider the femi- 
 naries which are daily inftituted as rifing up in fupport of 
 truth, virtue, and religion, againft the libels of the prefs. It 
 is not to be doubted but that we are fafe on the fide of oral 
 argumentation, as no man can have the face to utter before 
 witnelTes fuch fliameful doctrines as have too frequently 
 appeared in anonymous pamphlets. If it fliould ever be 
 objected that the frequency of fuch affemblies may poflliblv, 
 in time, produce fophifl:ry, quibbling, immorality and fcep- 
 ticifm, becaufe this was the cafe at Athens, fo famous for its 
 numerous fchools of philofophy, where, as Milton fays, 
 
 Much of the Soul they talk, hut all awry ; 
 And in them/elves feek virtue, and to themf elves 
 All glori/ arrogate, to Gon give none : 
 Rather accufc him under ufual names, 
 fortune and Fate: 
 
 I anfwer, that thefe falfe dodrines of God and the foul were 
 thus bandied about by a parcel of heathens, blind and igno- 
 rant at beft, but for the greatefl; part the mofl; ufeleft, idle, 
 
 and 
 
N« 106. The WORLD. 455 
 
 and profligate members of the Hate; and that it is not there- 
 fore to be apprehended, in this enhghtened age, that men of 
 fober lives, and profitable profeffions, will run after fophifts, 
 to wafte their time, and unhinge their faith and opinions. 
 However, as the perverfenefs of human nature is ftrange and 
 unaccountable, if I lliould find thefe modern fchools in any 
 ■way to contribute to the growth of infidelity or hbertinifm, 
 I hereby give notice that I fliall publicly retract my goad 
 opinion of them, notwithllanding all my prepoiTeiTions in- 
 favour of eloquence. 
 
 Though the following letter is written with all the fpleen 
 and acrimony of a rival orator, I think myfelf obliged, from 
 the impartiality I obferve to all my correfpondents, to give it 
 a place in this paper. 
 
 S I R^ 
 
 As all intruders and interlopers are ever difagreeable to 
 eftabliflied profeffions, I am fo incenfed againft fome late pre- 
 tenders to oratory^ that though 1 daily fulminate my difplea- 
 fure ex cathedrd^ I now apply to you for a more extenfive pro- 
 clamation of my refentment. 
 
 I have been for many years an oratok of the stage 
 ITINERANT ; and from my earlieft youth was bred under the 
 aufpices of Apolloj to thofe two beloved arts of that deity, 
 PHYSIC and eloquence : not like thefe pretenders, who 
 betray not only a deficiency of erudition, but alfo a moft 
 manifefl want of generofity ; a virtue, which our profefTors 
 
 have 
 
456 Th E W O R L D. ISl' lor. 
 
 have ever boafted. Univeifal benevolence is our fundamental 
 principle. We raife no poll-tax on our hearers : our words 
 are gratuitous, like the air and light in which they are deli- 
 vered. I have therefore no jealoufy of thefe mercenary fpirits : 
 my audiences have only been led afide by novelty ; they will 
 foon grow weary of fuch extortioners, and return to? the old 
 ftage. But the misfortune is, that thefe innovEftibns have 
 turned the head of a moil neceifary fervant of mine, com- 
 monly known by the name of Merry AndreA^ : and I mud 
 confefs it gives me a real uneafmefs, when one of his wit and 
 parts talks of letting up againfl me. 
 
 Yours, 
 
 ClRCUMFORANEUS. 
 
 N* 107. Thursday, January 16, 1755. 
 
 ' Quicquid Greecia mendax 
 
 Audet in hifioria — — — Juv. 
 
 AS the French have lately introduced an entire new me- 
 thod of writing hiftory, and as it is to be prefumed we Ihall 
 be as ready to ape them in this, as in all other falhions, I fhall 
 lay before the public a loofe Iketch of fuch rules as I have 
 been able baftily to throAV together for prefent ufe, till fome 
 great and diftinguiflied critic may have leifure to colledl hi« 
 
 ideas, 
 
N° 107. Tii F, W O R L D. 457 
 
 ideas, and publifli a more complete and regular fyftem of the 
 modern art of writing hiftory. 
 
 For the fake of brevity I fliall enter at once upon my fub- 
 je6t, and addrefs my inflrud;ion to the future hiftorian. 
 
 Remember to prefix a long preface to your hiftory, in which 
 you will have a right to fay whatever comes into your head : 
 for all that relates to your hiftory may with propriety be ad- 
 mitted, and all that is foreign to the purpofe may claim a 
 place in it, becaufe it is a preface. It will be fufficient there- 
 fore if I give you only a hint upon the occafion, Avhich, if you 
 manage Avith dexterity, or rather audacity, will ftand you in 
 great ftead. 
 
 Be fure you feize every opportunity of introducing the moft 
 extravagant commendations of Tacitus ; but be careful how 
 you enter too minutely into any particulars you may have 
 heard of that writer, for fear of difcovering that you have only 
 heard of them. The fafeft way will be to keep to the old 
 cuftom of abufing all other hiftorians, and vilifying them in 
 comparifon of him. But in the execution of this, let me intreat 
 you to do a little violence to your modefty, by avoiding every 
 infmuation that may fet him an inch above yourfelf. 
 
 Before you enter upon the work, it Avill be neceflliry to diveft 
 yourlelf entirely of all regard for truth. To conquer this 
 prejudice, may perhaps coft you fome pains ; but till you 
 have effectually overcome it, you will find innumerable diffi- 
 culties continually obtruding themfelves to thwart your defign 
 of writing an entertaining hiftorv in the modern taftc. 
 
 3 N The 
 
458 The WORLD. NMor. 
 
 The next thing is to find out fome flirewd reafon for rejecting 
 all fuch authentic papers as are come to light fince the period 
 you are writing of was laft confidered ; for if you cannot cle- 
 verly keep clear of them, you will be obliged to make ufe of 
 them ; and then your performance may be called dull and 
 dry ; which is a cenfure yovi ought as carefully to avoid, as 
 to contend for that famous compliment which was paid the 
 author of the hiftory of Charles the Twelfth, by his moft 
 illuftrious patron, who is himfelf an hiftorian. Plus beau que 
 la veritS. 
 
 I am aware of the maxim of Poly bins, ' that hi f lory void 
 of truth, is an empty Ihadow/ But the motto of this paper 
 may ferve to convidl that dogmatift of Angularity, by fliewing 
 that his own countrymen difavowed his pretended axiom even 
 to a proverb. Though we may allow truth to the firll hiftorian 
 of any particular sera, the nature of things requires that truth 
 muft gradually recede, in proportion to the frequency of 
 treating the fame period ; or elfe the laft hand would be ab- 
 folutely precluded from every advantage of novelty. It is fit 
 therefore that we modernize the maxim of Polybius, by fub- 
 ftituting the Avord wit in the place of truth ; but as all 
 writers are not bleffed with a ready ftore of wit, it may be ne- 
 cefTary to lay down fome other rules for the compiling of 
 hiftory, in which it is expedient that we avail ourfelves of all 
 the artifices "which either have been, or may be made ufe 
 of, to furprize, charm, fadden, or confound the mind of the 
 reader. 
 
 - In 
 
N" 107. The WORLD. 459 
 
 In treating of times that have been often written upon, 
 there can be no fuch thing as abfohite novelty ; therefore the 
 only method to be taken in fuch cafes, is to give every occur- 
 rence a new turn. You may take the fide of Philip of 
 Macedon againft Demollhenes and the obftinate republicans ; 
 and you will have many inftances to Ihew how wantonly 
 whole feas of blood have been flied for the fake of thofe two 
 infatuating founds, liberty and heligion. It was a lucky 
 hit of an Englifh biographer, that of writing the vindication 
 and panegyric of Richard the Third ; and I would advife you 
 to attempt fomcthing of the fame nature. For inftance : 
 you may undertake to fliew the unreafonablenefs of our high 
 opinion of queen Elizabeth, and our falfe notions of the hap- 
 pinefs of her government. For as to lives and chara6lers, you 
 have one principal rule to obferve ; and that is, to elevate 
 the bad, and depreciate the good. But in Avriting the cha- 
 racters of others, always keep your own (if you have any 
 value for it) in view ; and never allow to any great perfonage 
 a virtue which you either feel the want of, or a notorious 
 difregard for. You may queftion the moral chara6ter of 
 Socrates, the chaftity of Cyrus, the conftancy of the martyrs, 
 the piety and fmcerity of the reformers, the bravery of Crom- 
 well, and the military talents of king William ; and you need 
 never fear the finding authorities to fupport you in any de- 
 trad;ion, among the writers of anecdotes ; fmce Dion Caffius, 
 a grave hiftorian, has confidently aflerted that Cicero prolli- 
 tuted his wife, trained up his fon in drunkennefs, committed 
 inceft with his daughter, and lived in adultery with Cerellia. 
 
 3 N 2 I come 
 
460 Th E W O R L D. N* 107. 
 
 I come next to ornaments ; under which head I eonfider 
 fentences, prodigies, digreffions, and defcriptions. On the 
 two firft I fliall not detain you, as it will be fufficient to re- 
 commend a free ufe ©f them, and to be new if you can. Of 
 digreffions you may make the greateli ufe, by calling them to 
 your aid whenever yo« are at a fault. If you want to fwelL 
 yom* hiftory to a folio, and have only matter for an o6lavo, 
 (fuppofe, for example, it were the ftory of Alexander) you may 
 enter into an inquiry of Avhat that adventurer would have 
 done, if he had not been poifoned ; whether his conquefts, or 
 Kouly Khan's, were the moft extraordinary : what would have' 
 been the confequence of his marching Aveftward ; and whether^ 
 he would have beat the duke of Marlborough. You may alfo. 
 introduce in this place a differtation upon fire arms, or the art 
 of fortification. In defcriptions, you- muft not be fparing, but 
 outgo every thing that has been attempted before you. Let: 
 your battles be the moft bloody, your fieges the moft obfti- 
 nate, your caftles the moft impregnable, your commanders the 
 moft confummate, and their foldiere the moft intrepid. In- 
 defcribing afea-fight, let the enemy's fleet be the moft nume- 
 rous, and their (hips the largeft that ever were known. Do- 
 not fcruple to burn a thoufand fliips, and turn their crews- 
 half-fcorched iato the fea ; there let them furvive a while by 
 fwimming, that you may have an- opportunity of jamming' 
 them between their own and the enemy's veflels : and when' 
 you have gone through the dreadful diftreftes of the adion, 
 conclude by blowing up the admiral's own fliip, and fcatter- 
 
 ing. 
 
Nm07. Tirii WORLD. 461 
 
 ino- officers of sreat birth and bravery in the air. In the fack- 
 ing of a town, murder all the old men and young children in 
 the cruelleft manner, and in the mod facred retreats. Devife 
 fome ingenious infults on the modefty of matrons. Ravifli a 
 great number of virgins, and fee that they are all in the height 
 ©f beauty and purity of innocence. When you have fired all 
 the houfes, and cut the throats of ten times the number of in- 
 habitants they contained, exercife all manner of barbarity on 
 the dead bodies. And that you may extend the fcene of mi- 
 fery, let fome efcape, but all naked. Tear their uncovered 
 limbs; cut their feet for want of Ihoes; harden the hearts of 
 the peafants againftthem, and arm the elements with unufual 
 rigour for their perfecution: drench them with rain, benumb 
 them, with froft, and terrify them with thunder and. light- 
 nings 
 
 If in writing voyages and travels you have occafion to fend 
 meffengers through an uninhabited country, do not be over- 
 tender or fcrupulous how you treat them. You may Hop 
 them at rivers, and drown all their fervants and horfes : infefl 
 them with fleas, lice, and mufquitoes, and when they have 
 been eaten fufficiently with thefe vermin, you may ftarve 
 them to a defire of eating one another; and if you think it 
 will be an ornament to your hiftory, e'en caft the lots, and fet 
 them to dinner. But if you do this, you muft take care that 
 tlie favage chief to whom they are fent, does not treat them 
 with man's flefli ; becaufe it will be no novelty : I would ra- 
 ther advife you to alter the bill of fare to an elephant, a rhi- 
 noceros, 
 
462 The W O R L D. N' io7, 
 
 noceros, or an alligator. The king and his court will of courfe 
 be drinking out of human Ikulls ; but what fqrt of liquor you 
 muft fill them with, to furprize an European, I muft own I 
 cannot conceive. In treating of the Indian manners and cuf- 
 toms, you may make a long chapter of their conjuring, their 
 idolatrous ceremonies, and fupei-ftitions ; which will give you 
 a fair opportunity of faying fomething fmart on the religion 
 of your own country. On their marriages you cannot dwell 
 too long ; it is a pleafing fubjed, and always, in thofe coun- 
 tries, leads to polygamy, which will afford occafion for reflec- 
 tions moral and entertaining. When your meffengers have 
 their audience of the king, you may as well drop the bufmefs 
 they went upon, and take notice only of his civilities and po- 
 litenefs in offering to them the choice of all the beauties of his 
 court ; by which you Avill make them amends for all the diffi- 
 culties you have led them into. 
 
 I cannot promifc you much fuccefs in the fpeeches of your 
 favages, unlets it were poflible to hit upon fome bolder figures 
 and metaphors than thofe which have been fo frequently ufed. 
 In the fpeeches of a civilized people, infert whatever may 
 ferve to difplay your own learning, judgment, or wit ; and let 
 no man's low extradlion be a reftraint on the advantages of 
 your educatien. If in an harangue of Wat Tyler, a quotation 
 from the clalTics lliould come in pat, or in a fpeech of Muley 
 Moluch a fentence from Mr. Locke, let no confideration de- 
 prive your hiftory of fuch ornaments. 
 
 To conclude, I would advife you in general not to be fpar- 
 
 ing of your fpeeches, either in number or length : and if you 
 
 ^ alfo 
 
N°]08. The WORLD. 463 
 
 alfo take care to add a proper quantity of refle6lions, your 
 work Avill be greedily bought up by all members of oratories, 
 reafoning focieties, and other talkative aflemblies of this moll 
 eloquent metropolis. 
 
 N° 108. Thursday, January 23, 1755. 
 
 Hoc eft, Roma decedere? Quos ego Jtomines effugi, cum in hos incidi? 
 
 CicEEO ad Atticum. 
 
 I HAVE generally obferved when a man is talking of his 
 country-houfe, that the firft queftion ufually afked him is, 
 * Are you in a good neighbourhood ?' From the frequency of 
 this inquiry one would be apt to imagine that the principal 
 happinefs of a country life was generally underftood to refult 
 from the neighbourhood: yet whoever attends to the anfwer 
 commonly made to this queftion, will be of a contrary opi- 
 nion. Alk it of a lady, and you will be fure to hear her ex- 
 claim, ' Thank God ! Ave have no neighbours !' which may 
 ferve to convince you that you have paid your court very ill, 
 in fuppofmg that a woman of fafliion can endure the infipid 
 converfation of a country neighbourhood. The man of for- 
 tune confidcrs every inferior neighbour as an intruder on his 
 fport, and quarrels with him for killing that game, with which 
 his very fervants are cloyed. If his neighbour be an equal, 
 he is of confequence more averfe to him, as being in perpe- 
 tual conteft with him as a rival. His fenfe of a fuperior may 
 
 be 
 
+64 The WORLD. N° 108. 
 
 be learnt from thofe repeated advertifements, which every 
 body mull have obferved in the pubhc papers, recommending 
 ahoufe upon fale, for being ten miles diftant from a lord. The 
 humourift hides himfelf from his neighbour; the man of ar- 
 rogance defpifes him; the modeft man is afraid of him; and 
 the penurious confiders a length of uninhabited £en as the 
 beft fecurity for his beef and ale. 
 
 If we trace this fpirit to its fource, we fliall find it to pro- 
 ceed partly from pride and envy, and partly from the high 
 opinion that men are apt to entertain of their own little clans 
 or focieties, which the living in large cities tends greatly to 
 increafe, and which is always accompanied with a contempt 
 for thofe who happen to be ftrangers to fuch focieties, and 
 confequently, a general prejudice againft the unknown. The 
 truth of the matter is, that perfons unknown are, for that 
 very reafon, perfons that we have no defire to know. 
 
 A man of a fociable difpofition, upon coming into an inn, 
 .inquires of the landlord what company he has in the houfe : 
 the landlord tells him, ' There is a fellow of a college, a lieute- 
 nant of a man of war, a lawyer, a merchant, and the captain 
 in quarters;' to which he never fails to add, ' and I dare fay, 
 fir, that any of them will be very glad of your company ;' 
 knowing that men drink more together than when alone. 
 ' Have you nobody elfe ?' fays the gueft fullenly. ' We have 
 nobody elfe, fir.' ' Then get me my fupper as fall as you can, 
 and I'll go to bed.' The fame behaviour is prad;ifed by each 
 of thefe gentlemen in his turn ; and for no other reafon than 
 
 that 
 
NM08. The WORLD. 465 
 
 that none of the company happens to be either of his profef- 
 lion or acquaintance. 
 
 But if we look with the leaft degree of wonder at the man- 
 ner in which the greateft part of mankind behave to ftrangers, 
 it fliould aftonifli us to fee how they treat thofe whom they 
 are intimately acquainted with, and whom they rank under 
 the facred titles of neighbours and friends. Yet fuch is the 
 malignity of human nature, that the fmalleft foible, the moft 
 venial inadvertency, or the flighteft infirmity, fliall generally 
 occafion contempt, hatred, or ridicule, in thofe very perfons 
 "who ought to be the foremoft to conceal or palliate fuch fail- 
 ings. Death, accident, robbery, and ruin, inftead of exciting 
 compaflion, are only confidered as the great fources of araufe- 
 ment to a neighbourhood. Does any difgrace befal a family ? 
 The tongues and pens of all their acquaintance are inftantly 
 employed to difperfe it through the kingdom. Nor is their 
 alacrity in divulging the misfortunes of a neighbour at all 
 more remarkable than their humanit}- in accounting for them. 
 They are fure to afcribe every trivial evil to his folly, and 
 every great one to his vices. But thefe are (light inftances of 
 malevolence ; your true neighbour's fpleen is never effectually 
 roufed but by profperity. An unexpe6led fucceffion to a 
 large fortune ; the difcovery of a mine upon your eftate ; a 
 prize in the lottery ; but moft of all, a fortunate marriage, 
 fliall employ the malice and invention of a neighbourhood 
 for years together. 
 
 3 O Envy, 
 
466 The WORLD. N' 108. 
 
 Envy is ingenious, and will Ibraetimes find out the prettieft 
 conceits imaginable, to ferve her purpofes : yet it is obferv- 
 able, that flie delights chiefly in contradiction. If you excel 
 in any of the elegant arts, flie pronounces at once that you 
 have no tafte ; if in wit, you are dull ; if you live in apparent 
 harmony with your wife and family, flie is fure you are un- 
 happy ; if in affluence or fplendor, flie knows that you are a 
 beggar. It rauft indeed be confefled, that envy does meet 
 with great provocations ; and there are people in the worlds 
 who take extraordinary pains to appear much more happy^ 
 rich, virtuous, and confiderable, than they really are : but, 
 on the other hand, were they to take equal care to avoid fucli 
 appearances, they would not be able abfolutely to efcape her 
 rancour. 
 
 I was entertained laft fummer by a friend in the country, 
 who feemed to have formed very jufl ideas of a neighbour- 
 hood. This gentleman had a confiderable eftate left him,, 
 which he had little reafon to expe6t ; and having no parti- 
 cular paflion to gratify, it was indifferent to him how he dif- 
 pofed of this large addition to his income. He had no defire 
 of popularity, but had a very great diftike to an ill name ; 
 which made him altogether as anxious to fcreen himfelf from 
 detraction, as others are to acquire applaufe. Some weeks 
 palTed away in that common dilemma into which an increafe 
 of fortune throws every thinking man, who knows that by 
 hoarding up he mull become the averfion, and by fquandering 
 
 the 
 
N' 108. The WORLD. 467 
 
 the contempt of all his neighbours. But difliking ttie appear- 
 ance of parfimony more than extravagancy, he propofed 
 laying out a confiderable fum all at once, upon rebuilding his 
 houfe : but that defign was foon over-ruled by the confi- 
 deration that it would be faid he had deftroyed a very conve- 
 vient manfion, for the fake of ere6ting a fliowy outfide. He 
 next determined to new-model his gardens, from an opinion 
 that he fliould oblige all forts of people, by affording bread 
 to the induftrious, and pleafant walks to the idle : but recol- 
 le^tinw that in the natural beauties of his grounds he had 
 great advantages over the old gardens of his neighbours, and 
 from thence knowing that he muft become the object of 
 their fpleen and abufe, he laid afide alfo that invidious defign. 
 In the fame manner he was obliged to reject every propofal 
 of expence, that might in any way be confidered as a monu- 
 ment of fuperiority ; therefore, to avoid the other cenfure of 
 penurioufnefs, he refolved at laft to procure the beft cook that 
 could be had for mone}^ From that time he has taken no 
 thouo-ht but to equip himfelf and his attendants in the plaineft 
 manner, keeping religioufly to the fole expence of a conllant 
 good table, and avoiding in that, as well as in every thing 
 elfe, whatever has the leaft appearance of oftentation. Thus 
 has he made himfelf inoffenfively remarkable, and, what was 
 the great point of his life, cfcaped detradion ; excepting 
 only that a certain dignified widow, who had been originally 
 houfe-keeper to her late hulband, takes occafion frequently 
 to declare, flie does not care to dine with him, becaufe the 
 
 3 2 diflies 
 
468 The WORLD. N* 108. 
 
 difhes are fo ill ferved up, and fo taftelefs, that fhe can never 
 make a dinner. 
 
 I know not how to clofe this fubje6i more properly, than, 
 by fketching out the characters of what are called good and. 
 
 BAD NEIGHBOURS. 
 
 A GOOD NEiGHBOUE is One, who having no attention to- 
 the affairs of his own family, nor any allotment for his time,, 
 is ready to difpofe of it to any of his acquaintance, who defire 
 him to hunt, fhoot, dance, drink, or play at cards with them t 
 who thinks the civilities he receives in one houfe no reftridlioa 
 upon his tongue in another, where he makes himfelf welcome 
 by expofing the foibles or misfortunes of thofe he laft vifited^ 
 and lives in a conftant round of betraying and leffening one 
 family or another.. 
 
 A BAD NEIGHBOUR is he who retires into the country^ 
 from having been fatigued with bufmefs, or tired with crowds; 
 who, from a pun6tilio in good breeding, does not fliew himfelf 
 forward in accepting of the vifits of all about him, confcioua 
 of his love of quiet, and fearing left he fliould be thought 
 tardy in his returns of civility. His defire of being alone with 
 his family, procures him the chara6ier of referved and morofe ; 
 and his candid endeavours to explain away the malicious 
 turn of a tale, that of contradidory and difagreeable. Thus 
 vindicating every one behind, his back, and confequently 
 offending every one to his face, he fubjedls himfelf to the 
 perfonal dillike of all, without making one friend to defend 
 him. 
 
 If 
 
Nm16. The WORLD. 469 
 
 If after this it be afked, what are the duties of neighbour- 
 hood ? I anfwer in the words of Mr. Addifon, in that incom- 
 parable effay of his on the employment of time. ' To advife 
 the ignorant, relieve the needy, comfort the afflidled, are 
 duties that fall in our way almoft every day of our lives. A 
 man has frequent opportunities of mitigating the fiercenefs 
 of a party; of doing juftice to the charadler of a deferving 
 man ; of foftening the envious, quieting the angry, and recti- 
 fying the prejudiced ; which are all of them employment;s 
 fuited to a reafonable nature, and bring great fatisfadlioa 
 to the perfon who can bufy himfelf in them with difcretion.' 
 
 I have always confidered the ninety-third Spectator, fronx 
 whence the foregoing paffage is taken, as the mod valuable 
 leflbn of that eminent moralift ; becaufe a due obfervance of 
 the excellent plan of life, which he has there delineated, caa 
 never fail to make men happy and good neighbours. 
 
 K" 116. Thursday, March 20, 1755.. 
 
 Ferfonam, thyrfumque tenent, et subligar Acci. Juv» 
 
 To Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 
 Sir, 
 1 AM left guardian to three young ladies, whofe father was 
 my intimate acquaintance at the time he made his addreffes 
 to their late mother : and I very well remember he could not 
 
 obtain 
 
470 The world. ISIM16. 
 
 obtain admittance till he had firft procured liimfelf the orna- 
 ment of a ftar and ribbon, and would never have gained the 
 lady but from the happy thought of adding another lace to 
 his liveries. As it appeared to me that his fuccefs was owing 
 to thefe exteriors, I conceived no great opinion of the good 
 fenfe of his lady ; but as flie made my friend a good wife, I 
 refletled that flie might juftly be influenced by the ribbon, 
 as it marked the confequence of her lover, and by the addi- 
 tional lace, as it feemed to befpeak his riches. It is, how- 
 ever, ftill a doubt with me, Avhether Ihe ever felt a fmcere 
 paffion for the man flie married ; and what increafes this 
 doubt is, that I could never difcover in either of her daugh- 
 toms, any fymptoms of what I can properly call love. The 
 eldeft, who reads romances, is continually profefling a fincere 
 difpofition to requite (after a proper time) the pains of one 
 who fliall enterprize, fight, ftarve, or catch cold for her. The 
 fecond woidd be happy with a fcare-crow, who, with the 
 dignity of a title, fliould difcover what flie calls a Tafte, in 
 tricking out his perfon with embroidery, laces, jewels, and 
 trinkets. The third would never defire to fee the objed; of 
 her paflion ; provided flie might receive reams of paper filled 
 with flames, darts, arrows, and fuch miflive weapons, which 
 do moll execution from a diftance. Laft week my three 
 wards came into my room, defiring leave to go to the next 
 mafquerade. I gave a hafl;y confent, imagining there could 
 be no danger for ladies whom I knew to be fafe on the fide 
 of love ; but fince I have recolleded my thoughts, I am 
 6 apprehenfive 
 
NM16. The WORLD. 471 
 
 apprehenfive that the eldeft may be caught by fome avan- 
 tiirier, with founding language and a romantic habit ; the 
 fecond by a Turkilli emperor not worth ten chequins ; and 
 theyoungeft by a fraooth- tongued flattering poet, Avho when 
 he has pulled oflf his borrowed habit of a fliepherd, has per- 
 haps no other to put on. 
 
 You will not be furprifed, after this reprefentation, to hear 
 me complain of the diftrefs my promife has brought upon me ; 
 but as I never break my word with them, I mufl for once 
 tmft them to their fate. But I cannot forbear intreating you, 
 while the impreflion is ftrong in my mind, to write a paper 
 on the dangerous confequences which thefe fantaftic diver- 
 iions may bring upon young people, by giving a wild and 
 extravagant turn to their imaginations. You will perhaps won- 
 der to hear the efFe6ls which my rafh confent has already pro- 
 duced. This morning I found the eldeft of my young ladies 
 dreffed out, as fhe told me, in the charader of Cyrus, in a 
 fuit of Perfian armour of her own contrivance. The fecond, 
 who is of a large fize, and has contracted a remarkable un- 
 wieldinefs by the ftate flie obferves in never moving off her 
 couch, was at the fame time under the hands of one of the 
 dancers at the theatre, who was lacing her up in a habit 
 made after that which flie weai-s herfelf in one of her ferious 
 dances. The youngeft was a mufe, and expreffed great fatis- 
 fadtion in the negligent flow of her robe, but complained that 
 ftie had not fettled her head. I could not help faying I was 
 forry I had contributed my part to the unfettUng it. This 
 
 was 
 
472 The W O R L D. H" U6. 
 
 was very ill received ; which indeed I might have forefeen, 
 as well from the oppofition Avhich it implied to her diver- 
 fion, as becaufe the mufe, of all things in the world, detefts 
 a pun. 
 
 This, Mr. Fitz-Adam, is a very ominous beginning of an 
 affair, which I am afraid will have a worfe end. If it be 
 attended with any of the confequences which I apprehend, 
 you fhall hear farther from me ; in the mean time, I hope to 
 hear from you on this fubjedl, and am. 
 
 Sir, 
 
 Your humhle fevDantf 
 
 PllUDENTIO. 
 
 As I have received no farther intelligence from this cor- 
 refpondent, and as it is now near a month fmce his letter 
 came to hand, I am apt to think that none of thofe dreadful 
 confequences have happened, which he fo greatly appre- 
 hended, and that the three ladies efcaped without any other 
 accident than now and then a laugh at their affectation. 
 
 I mufl confefs I am one of thofe who think a mafquerade 
 an innocent amufement, and tliat people have long fmce left 
 off going to it with any defign either good or bad : not that the 
 vices objefted to it are left off, but that they are carried on 
 with lefs difficulty in other places, and without the fufpicion 
 that would attend them there. And I may venture to fay, if 
 people Avill keep from the dangers of the gaming-table, they 
 will run no other hazard at the mafquerade, than that of mak- 
 [ ing themfelves ridiculous. I will go Itill farther, by protefling 
 
 againft 
 
N* 116. The WORLD. 473 
 
 againft the injuftice of charging this diverfion in particular, 
 with the mifchiefs of plaj, or the afFe6ted folHes mentioned in 
 my correfpondent's letter, by fuppofmg that the vaen game 
 higher, or that the women drefs more fantaftically in the 
 Hay -market than elfewhere. That it is an unprofitable amufe- 
 ment, and not worthy the anxiety and pains that are ufually 
 beftowed upon it, I very readily acknowledge, but have 
 nothing farther to lay againft it. 
 
 And here I cannot help obferving, for* the information of 
 the declaimer againft the prefent times, that our anceftors 
 beftowed more thought and trouble on their elaborate fool- 
 eries of this kind, than their pofterity have done fince ; and 
 that they were fometimes attended with more dangerous 
 coufequences. Witnefs the famous Bakt dcs Ardens, where 
 Charles the lixth of France and feveral young gentlemen of 
 his court, in order to reprefent favages, endeavoured to imi^ 
 tate hair by fticking flax upon their clofe jackets of canvafs, 
 which were befmeared for that purpofe with pitch and other 
 inflammable matter, and all, excepting the king, chained 
 themfelves together fo faft, that a fpark of fire from a flam- 
 beau falling upon one of their dreflTes, burnt two of them 
 to death before they- could be feparated, and fcorched 
 the others fo that the greateft part of them died in a few 
 days. 
 
 Henry the Eighth was the firft who brought thefe diveifions 
 into England ; and as they were very amufing from their no- 
 velty, they were frequently exhibited in that reign with great 
 
 3 P fuccefs. 
 
474 The WORLD. NM16. 
 
 fuccefs. It is perhaps to a building erected by that monarch 
 for an occafional mafquerade, that the firft idea of Ranelagh 
 owes its birth. It will not, I believe, be denied, that the 
 TTiodern Ranelagh is rather an improvement upon the old 
 one ; a defcription of which, together with the difafter that 
 befel it, is thus particularly fet forth by the hiftorian of thofe 
 times. 
 
 ' The king caufed to be builded a banqueting-houfe, eight 
 hundred feet in compafs, hke a theatre, after a goodly device, 
 builded in fuch a manner as (I think) was never feen. And 
 in the midft of the fame banqueting-houfe was fet up a great 
 pillar of timber, made of eight great mails, bound together 
 with, iron bands for to hold them together : for it was a hundred 
 and thirty-four feet in length, and coll fix pounds thirteen 
 fliillings and four pence, to fet it upright. The banqueting- 
 houfe was covered over with canvas, faftened with ropes and 
 iron as fall as might be devifed ; and within the faid houfe was 
 painted the heavens, with liars, fun, moon, and clouds, with, 
 divers other things made above over men's heads. And about 
 the high pillar of timber that Hood upright in the midft, was 
 made ftages of timber for organs and other inftruments to 
 ftand upon, and men to play on them. But in the morning 
 of the lame day, wherein the building was accomplilhed, the 
 wind began to rife, and at night blew off the canvas, and all 
 the elements, with the ftars, fun, moon, and clouds ; and all 
 the king's feats that were made with great riches, befides all 
 other things, were all dallied and loft.! 
 
 e Thus 
 
N« 116. The WORLD. 475 
 
 Thus fell the firft Ranelagh, though built (according to this 
 hiftorian) as ftrong as could be devifed. The modern Rane* 
 lagh has proved itfelf to be a ftronger building, having as 3'ct 
 been afFedled by no ftornis but thofe of the legiilature ; and 
 (if our magiftrates had thought proper) we might ftill have 
 challenged all Europe to (hew us the diverfion of a mafquerade 
 in the perfe6tion with which it -was there exhibited, either for 
 the fpacioufnefs of the room, the beauty of the ladies, the 
 fplendour of their jewels, or the elegance of their habits* 
 That the choice of the latter may no longer be a torture to 
 the invention, or occafion the fame hurry, embarraifment, and 
 difappointment, that I am told have happened on fome late 
 occafions, it may be proper to take notice that my ingenious 
 and accurate friend, Mr. Jefferys of St. Martin's-lane, is now 
 engraving fele<Sl reprefentations of the moll approved modes 
 of drefs of all thofe nations who have difcovered either tafte 
 or fandy in that fcience. And I hope that in this undertaking 
 he will acquit himfelf as well to the polite world, as he has to 
 the commercial, by the great care and pains he has bellowed 
 in afcertaining the geography of thofe parts of the globe with 
 which this country is moft particularly connected, and which 
 may fometimes furnifti topics for converfation to the full as 
 entertaining as the moft earneft preparations for a fubfcription 
 mafquerade. 
 
 3 p 2 
 
476 TiiE WORLD. N* lis.. 
 
 No. 118. Thurs-day,. April 3, 1755. 
 
 Wicinas urbes alit.. HoR. 
 
 INSTEAD of lamenting that it is my lot to live in an age^ 
 when virtue, fenfe, converfation, all private and public affec- 
 tions, are totally fwallowed up by the fmgle predominant- 
 paffion of gaming, I endeavour to divert my, concern by turn- 
 ing my attention to the manners of the times, where they 
 happen to be more elegant, more natural, or more generally 
 ufeful than thofe of preceding ages. I am particularly pleafed 
 with confidering the progrefs which a juft tafte and real good 
 fenfe have made in the modern mode of gardening, This; 
 fcience is at prefent founded on fuch noble and liberal prin~ 
 ciples, that the very traveller now receives more advantages, 
 from the embellifliments he rides by, than the vifitor did, 
 formerly, when art and privacy were the only ideas annexed; 
 
 to a garden. 
 
 The modern art of laying out ground (for fo we muft call • 
 it, till a new name be adopted to exprefs fo complicated an- 
 id^a) has fpread fo widely, and its province is become fo, 
 extenfive, as to take in all the advantages of gardening and 
 agriculture. If we look back to antiquity, we fliall find the^ 
 gardens of Alcinous in Homer, and the paintings of rural; 
 fcenery in Virgil, hardly to correfpond with the genius of the 
 poets, or the beatitude they have placed in them. The 
 
 villa's 
 
NM18, The WORLD. 477 
 
 villa's of Cicero and Plinj, which they have fo affedionately 
 defcribed, do not raife our admiration. A favourable afpedl, 
 variety of portico's and fliades of plane trees, feem to be their 
 greateft merit. Their fucceflbrs in that happy climate have 
 made their gardens repofitories for ftatues, bas relieves, urns, 
 and whatever is by them entitled virtu ; the difpofition of 
 Vhich ornaments, together with fome ftraight walks of ever- 
 green oaks, and tiicks in water, complete their fyilem.. 
 
 In France the genius of Le Nautre would probably have 
 fhewn itfelf in more beautiful productions than the Tuilleries 
 and Verfailles, had it not been fhackled by lines and regu- 
 larity, and had not elegance and tafte been over-laid bj 
 magnificence. 
 
 This forced tafte, aggravated by fome Dutch acquifitions, 
 for more than half a century deformed the face of nature in 
 tliis country, though feveral of our beft; writers had conceived 
 nobler ideas, and prepared the way for thofe improvements 
 which have fmce followed. Sir William Temple, in his gar- 
 dens of Epicurus, expatiates with great pleafure on that at 
 More-Park in Hertfordllure ; yet after he has extolled it as- 
 tlie pattern of a perfect garden for ufe, beauty, and magnifi- 
 cence, he rifes to nobler images, and in a kind of prophetic 
 fpirit points out a higher ftyle, free and unconfined. The 
 prediction is verified upon the fpot ; and it feems to have been 
 the peculiar defliny of that delightful place to have paifed 
 through all the transformations and modes of tafte, having, 
 exercifed the genius of the moft eminent artifts fucceffively,., 
 
 and: 
 
478 The world. NM18. 
 
 and ferving as a model of perfe6lion in each kind. The 
 boundlefs imagination of Milton, in the fourth book of Pa- 
 radife Loft, ftruck out a plan of a garden, which I would 
 propofe for the entertainment and inftrudiion of my readers, 
 as containing all the views, obje6ls, and ambition of modern 
 defigning. 
 
 It is the peculiar happinefs of this age to fee thefe juft and 
 noble ideas brought into pra6tice, regularity banillied, prof- 
 pe6ts opened, the country called in, nature refcued and im- 
 proved, and art decently concealing herfelf under her own 
 perfe6lions. 
 
 I enlarge upon this fubje£l, becaufe I would do juftice to 
 our nobility and men of fortune, who by a feafonable em- 
 ployment of the poor, have made this their private amufe- 
 ment a national good. It is notorious that in the feafon of 
 the harveft, the fcarcity of hands to gather in the fruits of the 
 earth is fo great, that few of our farmers can find men to do 
 their work for three months, unlefs they can keep them in 
 employment the other nine. Here the new mode of garden- 
 ing comes in greatly to the affiftance of the labourer ; and as 
 it confifts chiefly in the removal of earth, the whole coll goes 
 directly to his fupport. 
 
 It has been the conftant cry of all politicians and writers on 
 trade, that taxes fhould be laid on luxury. How happy is it 
 that luxury fliould take fo large a fliare in the payment of that 
 tax, which lies moft heavy on the prefent times ! I mean the 
 poor's rate. Our manufa6tures, it nmft be granted, are of the 
 
 greateft 
 
N° 118. The WORLD. 479 
 
 greateft national benefit ; inafinucb as they maintain multi- 
 tudes of families, which all the private fortunes in a country 
 would be infufficient to fupport. But the fai'l is, that in the 
 harveft feafon there is always the greateft fcarcity of hutband- 
 men in thofe countries where manufa6lures are moft known 
 to flourifli ; and it is alfo a fadt, that our manufactures afford 
 no fupport to the hufbandman in the other feafons : fo that 
 I know of nothing that can procure to him the neceffaries of 
 life in the winter, but the judicious allotment of that uncom- 
 fortable feafon to the works above-mentioned, which are now 
 carrying on with vigour in almoft every part of England. 
 
 I muft alfo do our men of tafte the juftice to acknowledge, 
 that they have been the chief promoters even of our manu- 
 fadures. One of the firft embellifliers of the gardens in the 
 prefent mode, was the fame nobleman Avho eftablillied the 
 looms for the carpets at Wilton. In the north, whole coun- 
 tries have been civilized, induftry encouraged, and variety of 
 manufadtures inftituted by the magnificent charity of the 
 noble perfon, who among the leaft of his perfections muft be 
 allowed to be the beft planter in Europe. And if ever this 
 country ftiould boaft the eftablifliment of the art of weaving 
 tapeftry, Ihe will be beholden to the fame Royal hand to 
 •which ihe owes (if I may name it after the exalted blefliings 
 of Liberty and Peace) the adorning Windfor park. 
 
 Whatever may have been reported, whether truly or falfely, 
 of the Chinefe gardens, it is certain that we are the firft of the 
 Europeans who have founded this tafte ; and we have been; 
 
 fo. 
 
480 The world. NMl8. 
 
 fo fortunate in the genius of thofe who have had the direction 
 of fome of our fineft fpots of ground, that we may now boaft 
 a fuccefs equal to that profufion of expence which has been 
 deftined to promote the rapid progrefs of this happy enthu- 
 fiafm. Our gardens are already the aftonifhment of foreign- 
 ers, and, in proportion asihey accuftom themfelves to confider 
 and underftand them, Avill become their admiration. And as 
 the good talle of our writers has lately invited the literati 
 from all parts of Europe to vifit us, this other tafte will greatl}"^ 
 contribute to make the growing fafliion of travelling to Eng- 
 land more general ; and by this means we may hope to fee 
 part of thofe fums brought back again, which this country has 
 been from year to year fo unprofitably drained of. 
 
 But to fet this fcience in the ftrongeft light of a political 
 benefit, let us confider what pains have been unfuccefsfully 
 taken for man}' years pail by the beft patriots of Spain, to 
 introduce, not only manufactures, but even agriculture itfelf, 
 among the ftarving inhabitants. Thefe conceited Quixotes, 
 who pleafe themfelves with boafting that the fun is continually 
 enlightening fome part of their dominions, are fo fatisfied with 
 this important reflection, that they feem to defire no other 
 advantage from his beams. Uftariz, their latefl; and beft 
 writer on commerce, has beftowed whole pages in defcribino- 
 the wretched condition of families, the mortality of weakly 
 children, the prefent race ufelefs, the growing hope cut off, 
 And all this becaufe the inhabitants cannot be perfuaded to ufe 
 the moft obvious means for their fuftenance and prefervation, 
 
 the 
 
N'118. The WORLD. 481 
 
 the tilling of the earth. Yet there is a way to induce even 
 the proudeft Spaniard to apply himfelf earneftly to the cul- 
 tivation of his country : I mean by the force of example. If 
 the grandees Avould make it a fafliion ; if they would talk, as 
 one may frequently hear the firft men of this nation, of the 
 various methods of improving land, and pique themfelves upon 
 their fuccefs in hulbandry, the imitative pride of the yeoman 
 might be ufefully turned into another channel. He would be 
 ambitious of liaving his fields as green as thofe of his neigh- 
 bour ; he would then take his ftately ftrides at the tail of his 
 plough, and (as Addifon fays of Virgil) ' throw about his dung 
 with an air of majefty.' He would then find a nobler ufe for 
 the breed of cattle than the romantic purpofe of a bull-feaft ; 
 and his vanity, thus properly direded, would in a few years 
 make his country the fineft garden in the univerfe. 
 
 If the noble Duke who cloathed the fands of Claremont 
 with fuch exquifite verdure, had made the fame glorious 
 experiment in Spain, he would have brought no lefs riches, 
 and much more happinefs to that nation, than the conquefts 
 of Philip, or the difcoveries of Columbus. 
 
 NMig. Thursday, April 10, 1755. 
 
 SanSlius his animal, mentifque capacins alt<e 
 
 Deerat adhuc, ^ quod dominari in cetera pojfit. Ovid. 
 
 IT has been hinted to me fince the publication of my laft 
 Aveek's paper upon gardening, that while I am acknowledging 
 
 3 Q the 
 
482 The WORLD. - N" iig. 
 
 the merit of the Great in making that fcience ufeful to their 
 poor neighbours and the pubhc, I forget to make mention of 
 thofe Hberal geniufes, under whofe immediate diredlion all 
 .Ihefe improvements are carried on, while their benevolent 
 patrons are employed in other fervices to their country in its 
 capital. And as I am never backward in doing juftice to men 
 of merit, 1 have devoted this paper to the celebration of the 
 extenfive and various talents, which the almoft omnifcient 
 profeffors of gardening may. fo juftly boaft. 
 
 The good old Englirti nobleman or country fquire, whofe 
 delight was a garden, ufed to take from the tail of the plough 
 a fet of animals whom he confidered as beings of the fame 
 order with thofe who drew it ; and fetting them to work by 
 the garden line, was far from thinking what they were to do 
 could be of importance enough to require his attention ; 
 therefore leaving them to lean over their fpades, and fettle 
 their feveral plans for poaching, wood -ftealing, fkittle-playing, 
 and pfalm-fmging, he went and enjoyed himfelf with his dogs 
 and horfes. But fmce we have laid afide that plain and eafy 
 dire6lion, ' FoIIoav the ftraight line,' and have in its Head fub- 
 ftituted that exceeding difficult one, ' Follow nature,' the 
 above-mentioned animals have never been trufted a moment 
 to themfelves, but have had a creature of a fupcrior kind fet 
 over them, whofe office is beft explained by the fcolloping- 
 wheel in the machines for turning, which is continually put- 
 ting the others out of their courfe, and preventing them from 
 making circles, or any other regular figures. 
 ' . ^ This 
 
NMlS. The WORLD. 483 
 
 This office is of late grown fo refpe6lable, that the true 
 adept in it may juftly be fliled the high-prieft of nature. But 
 it is not nature alone that he ftudies ; all arts are inveftigated 
 by his comprehenfive genius. He mufl be well acquainted 
 with optics, hydroftatics, mechanics, geometry, trigonometry, 
 -&c. ; and fmce it has been thought neceffary to embellifli ru- 
 ral fcenes with all the varieties of architecture, from fmgle pil- 
 lars and obeliflis, to bridges, ruins, pavillions, and even caftles 
 and churches, it is not enough for our profeffor to be as know- 
 ing as Solomon in all the fpecies of vegetables, from the cedar 
 of Lebanon to the hyflbp on the wall ; he mull alfo rival that 
 monarch in building, as well as his other talents. A know- 
 ledge of optics enables him to turn every deceptio vifus to ad- 
 vantage. Hydroftatics are moft immediately neceffary, fince 
 it is decreed that every place muft have a piece of water ; and 
 as every piece of water muft have a boat of a particular con- 
 i;rivance, mechanics come in to his afliftance ; and he is car- 
 ried over the glafly furface by fnakes, birds, dolphins, dragons, 
 or whatever elfe he pleafes. The apphcation of trigonometry 
 is obvious ; and if your gardens continue to increafe in extent, 
 in the fame proportion that they have done lately, geometry 
 will be foon called in, to meafure a degree of the earth upon 
 the great lawn. But fuch extenfion of property cannot be 
 acquired Avithout a turn for the law, and a knowledge of all 
 the variety of tenures, forfeitures, eje(5lments, and writs of ad 
 ^uod damnum. Statuary and painting are fifter arts ; but our 
 general lover has poflefted them botli, in fpite of their confan- 
 
 3 Q 2 guinity. 
 
484 The world. NmI9. 
 
 guinity. And as for poetry, though he knows her to be the 
 greateft jilt in the univerfe, he has made an attempt upon her 
 under every tree that has a broad ftem and a fmooth bark. 
 A knowledge of Latin is needful to judge of the efFe6l of an 
 infcription ; and Greek, Phoenician, Tufcan, and Perfic, are 
 ornaments to a ruin. 
 
 Happy is the man of fortune, who has fuch a director to 
 influence and guide his tafte, as the demon of Socrates is faid 
 to have continually accompanied that philofopher to regulate 
 his morals. Milton very humouroufly defcribes a man, who 
 without having the inward call, was defirous of being thought 
 as religious as the reft of his neighbours of thofe times. ' This 
 man,' fays he, ' finds himfelf out fome fa6tor, to whofe care 
 and credit he may commit the whole managing of his religious 
 affairs ; fome divine of note and eftimation ; and makes the 
 perfon of that man his religion. He entertains him, lodges 
 him : his religion comes home at night, prays, is liberally fup- 
 ped, and fumptuoufly laid afleep: rifes, is fainted, and after 
 being well breakfafted, his religion walks abroad, and leaves 
 his kind entertainer in the fliop, trading all day without his 
 religion.' Juft in this manner does the mere man of fafliion in 
 thefe times think it neceflary to have a taste ; but though 
 he does not commonly carry his taste about him, he is fel- 
 dom fo imprudent as to take any fteps in his garden without 
 his taste. 
 
 In an age fo liberal of new names, it feems extraordinary 
 that thefe univerfal connoilTeurs have as yet obtained no title 
 
 of 
 
.NM19. The WORLD. 485 
 
 of honour, or diftin^iion. This may help me to crown their 
 panegyric with a word on their modeily : for to that alone 
 muft we attribute their having fo long been without one ; ef- 
 pecially as they might as eafily have immortalized their own 
 names, as any of the ancient fages, who called their profeflion 
 after themfelves, the Pythagorean, Platonic, or Epicurean phi- 
 lofophy. Nor have they fliewn lefs niodefty in their expecta- 
 tion of returns for their inelliraable fervice, as will appear 
 upon a comparifon of their rewards with thofe of the ancient 
 artifts. 
 
 Mandrocles, who built the famous bridge over the Bofpho- 
 rus, at the command of Darius, was rewarded by that monarch 
 with a crown, and ten times the coft of that expenfive under- 
 taking. Whereas a tenth of the expence is reckoned a mo- 
 dern job ; and no artift in our memory has afpired to any 
 higher honour than that of knighthood. The next great work 
 we read of, was the canal of mount Athos ; for which it was 
 impoffible that the dire6tor fhould receive any other than an 
 honorary reward, becaufe he died as foon as it was finifhed. 
 His name was Artachaeus ; he was in ftature the tailed of all the 
 Perfians, and his voice ftronger than that of any other man ; 
 two very ufeful accomplifliments in an overfeer and director of 
 multitudes. Xerxes, truly fenfible of his merit, buried him 
 with great pomp and magnificence, employed his whole army 
 in erecting a fumptuous monument to his memory, and by 
 direction of an oracle, honoured him as a hero with facrifices 
 and invocations. 
 
 How 
 
486 The WORLD. TST" lis. 
 
 How different from this was the treatment of our country- 
 man, captain Perry ! A genius whofe remembrance muft make 
 this nation both proud and afliamed. His performances are 
 fufficient to give credit to the wotks above-mentioned, which 
 before appeared fabulous. But what was his reward for pro- 
 jecting the jun(5tion of the Don and the Volga ? For creating 
 an artificial tide, and floating or laying dry the largeft veffels 
 in a few hours ? But rather let me afk, what was his reward 
 for that national work at home, the Hopping Daggenham 
 breach ? I am forry to anfwer, that he was perfecuted and 
 fulfered to llarve, for the debts he had contra6ted in accom- 
 ■plifhing an undertaking fo elTential to the commerce of this 
 kingdom, and the exiftence of its metropolis. 
 
 I hope our men of fortune will make more generous returns 
 to thofe who adminifter fo effentially to their plcafures : and 
 :I would have them diflinguifli between thofe dull mechanical 
 rogues, whofe thoughts never wander beyond the fphere of 
 gain, and the generous fpirit who is warmed by his profefTion, 
 and who thinks himfelf paid by the exquifite fcenery which 
 his raptured imagination has produced. And when the bale- 
 iful cyprefs fliall alone of all his various plantations accom- 
 pany him to the grave, let his munificent patron, in the moft 
 , confpicuous part of his gardens, ere6l a temple to his memory, 
 ;and infcribe it with propriety and truth, Genio Loci, 
 
NM23. The WORLD. 487 
 
 N" 123. Thursday, May 8, 1755. 
 
 'Dapibus, J'lip re mi 
 
 Grata Tejiudo Jovis.——— Hob. 
 
 IF there be truth in the common maxim, * That He de- 
 ferves beft of his countr}^ who can make two blades of grafs 
 grow where only one grew before,' how truly commendable 
 muft it be (fmce it is fo great a merit to provide for the beafts 
 of the field) to add to the fuftenance of man ! and what praifes 
 are due to the inventor of a new difli ! By a new difli, I do 
 not mean the confounding, hafhing, and difguifing of an old 
 one ; I cannot give that name to the French method of tran- 
 fpofing the bodies of animals ; ferving up flefh in fkins of fifh, 
 or the effence of either in a jelly ; nor yet to the Englifli way 
 of macerating fubftances, and reducing all things to one uni- 
 form confiftency and tafte, which a good houfewife calls pot- 
 ting: for I am of opinion, that Louis the fourteenth would not 
 have given the reward he promifed for the invention of a fixth 
 order of architecture, to the man who Ihould have jumbled 
 together the other five. 
 
 My meaning is, that as through negle6l or caprice we have 
 loft fome eatables, which our anceitors held in high cfteem, as 
 the heron, the bittern, the crane, and, I may add, the fwan, it 
 fhould feem requifite, in the ordinary revolution of things, to 
 replace what has been laid afide, by the introdudion of fome 
 
 eatable 
 
48S The world. N° 123. 
 
 eatable wliich was not known to our predeceffors. But though 
 invention may claim the firft praife, great honour is due to the 
 rellorer of loft arts ; wherefore, if the earth does not really 
 furnifli a fufficient variety of untafted animals, I could wiflr 
 that gentlemen of Icifure and eafy fortunes would apply 
 themfelves to recover the fecret of fattening and preparing 
 for the table fuch creatures, as from difufe we do not at pre- 
 fent know how to treat : and I fliould think it would be a 
 noble employment for the lovers of antiquity, to ftudy to re- 
 ftore thofe infallible refources of luxury, the falt-water ftews of 
 the Romans. 
 
 Of all the improvements in the modern kitchen, tliere are 
 none can bear a comparifon with the introduction of Turtle. 
 We are indebted for this delicacy, as well as for feveral 
 others, to the generous fpirit and benevolent zeal of the 
 Weft-Indians. The profufion of luxury, with which the Cre- 
 olian in England covers his board, is intended only as a foil 
 to the more exquifite dainties of America. His pride is to 
 triumph in your negle6l of the former, while he labours to 
 ferve you from the vaft fliell, which fmokes under his face, 
 and occafions him a toil almoft as intolerable, as that of the 
 flaves in his plantations. But he would die in the fervice ra- 
 ther than fee his guefts, for want of a regular fupply, eat 
 a morfel of any food which had not crofled the Atlantic 
 ocean. 
 
 Though it was never my fortune to be regaled with the 
 true Creolian politenefs, and though I cannot compliment 
 
 my 
 
N° 123. The WORLD. 489 
 
 my countrymen on their endeavours to imitate it, I fliall here 
 give my readers a moft faithful account of the only turtle 
 feaft, I ever had the honour to be prefent at. 
 
 Towards the latter end of laft fummer, I called upon a friend 
 in the city, who, though no Weft-Indian, is a great importer 
 of turtle for his own eating. Upon my entrance at the great 
 gates, my eyes were caught with the ftiells of that animal, 
 which were difpofed in great order along the walls ; and I 
 ftopt fo long in aftonifliment at their fize and number, that I 
 did not perceive my friend's approach, who had traverfed the 
 .court to receive me. However, I could find he was not dif- 
 pleafed to fee my attention fo deeply engaged upon the tro- 
 phies of his luxury. Come, fays he, if you love turtle, I'll fliew 
 you a fight; and bidding me follow him, he opened a door, 
 and difcovered fix turtles fwimming about in a raft ciftern, 
 round which there hung twelve large legs of mutton, which 
 he told me were juft two days provifion for the turtles; for 
 that each of them confumed a leg of mutton every day. He 
 then carried me into thehoufe, and fhewingme fome blankets 
 of a peculiar fort : Thefe, fays he, are what the turtles lie in 
 o'nights ; they are particularly adapted to this ufe ; I have 
 eftabliflied a manufacture of them in the Weft-Indies. But 
 fince you are curious in thefe matters, continued he, I'll fliew 
 you fome more of my inventions. Immediately he unlocked 
 a drawer, and produced as many fine faws, chizels, and in- 
 ftruments of different contrivance, as would have made a 
 figure in the apparatus of an anatomitt. One was deftined 
 
 3 R to 
 
490 The WORLD. N° 123. 
 
 to ftart a rib ; another to fcrape the cahpafli ; the third to dis- 
 joint the vertebrae of the back-bone; with many others, for 
 purpofes Avhich I could not remember. The next fcene of 
 wonder was the kitchen, in which was an oven, that had been 
 rebuilt with a mouth of a moll uncommon capacity, on pur- 
 pofe for the reception of an enormous turtle, which was to be 
 dreft that very day, and which my friend infifted I Ihould flay 
 to partake of. I would gladly have been excufed ; but he 
 would not be denied ; propofmg a particular pleafure in en- 
 tertaining a new beginner, and aflfuring me, that if 1 fliould 
 not happen to like it, I need not fear the finding fomething tq- 
 make out a dinner ; for that his wife, though flie knew it 
 would give him the greateft pleafure in the world, could never 
 be prevailed on to talle a fingle morfel of turtle. He then 
 carried me to the fifli, which was to be the feall of the day, 
 and bid me obferve, that, though it had been cut in two full 
 twenty hours, it was Hill alive. This was indeed a melan- 
 choly truth : for I could plainly obferve a tremulous motion 
 almofl continually agitating it, with, now and then, more dif- 
 tinguifhable throbbings. While I was examining thefe faint 
 indications of fenfibility, a jolly negro wench, obferving me, 
 came up with a handful of fait, which flie fprin\vled all over 
 the creature. This inftantly produced fuch violent convul- 
 fions, that I was no longer able to look upon a fcene of fo 
 much horror, and ran flmddering out of the kitchen. My friend 
 endeavoured to fatisfy me, by faying, that the head and heart 
 had been cut in pieces twenty hours before; and that the 
 Q whole 
 
N'123. The WORLD. 491 
 
 whole was that inftant to be plunged in boiling water ; but it 
 required fome refledtion, and more, or perhaps lefs philofophy 
 than I am mafter of, to reconcile fuch appearances to human 
 feelings. I endeavoured to turn the difcourfe, by afliing 
 what news ? He anfwered, ' There is a fleet arrived from the 
 Weft Indies.' He then fliook his head, and looked ferious ; 
 and after a fufpence, Avhich gave room for melancholy appre- 
 henfions, lamented, that they had been very unfortunate the 
 laft voyage, and loft the greateft part of their cargo of tur- 
 tles. He proceeded to inform me of the various methods 
 which had been tried for bringing over this animal in a 
 healthy ftate ; for that the common way had been found 
 to wafte the fat, which was the moft eftimable part : and he 
 fpoke with great concern of the mifcarriage of a veflel, 
 framed like a well-boat, which had dallied them againft 
 each other, and killed them. He then entered upon an 
 explanation of a project of his own, which being out of 
 my way, and much above my comprehenfion, took up the 
 greateft part of the morning. Upon hearing the clock ftrike, 
 he rung his bell, and afked if his turtle-cloaths were aired. 
 While I was meditating on this new term, and, I confefs, 
 unable to divine what it could mean, the fervant brought in 
 a coat and waiftcoat, which my friend flipt on, and folding 
 them round his body like a night-gown, declared, that, though 
 they then hung fo loofe about him, by that time he had 
 fpoke with the turtle^ he fliould ftretch them as tight as a 
 drum. 
 
 Sua Upon 
 
492 The WORLD. NM23. 
 
 Upon the firft rap at the door, there entered a whole fhoal 
 of guefts: for the turtle-eater is a gregarious, I had almoft 
 faid, a fociable animal ; and I thought it remarkable, that, in 
 fo large a number, there fliould not be one who was a Avhole 
 minute later than the time : nay, the very cook was pund;ual; 
 and the lady of thehoufe appeared, on this extraordinary day, 
 the moment the dinner was ferved upon the table. Upon her 
 lirft entrance, flie ordered the lliell to be removed from the 
 upper end of the table, declaring flie could not bear the fmell 
 or fight of it fo near her. It was immediately changed for 
 a couple of boiled chickens, to the great regret of all who fat 
 in her neighbourhood, who followed it with their eyes, in- 
 wardly lamenting that they fhould never tafte one of the good 
 bits. In vain did they fend their plates and folicit their 
 fliare ; the plunderers, who were now in pofleffion of both the 
 fliells, were fenfible to no call but that of their own appetites, 
 and, till they had fatisfied them, there was not one that would 
 liflen to any thing elfe. The eagernefs, however, and dif- 
 patch of their rapacity having foon flirunk the choice pieces, 
 they vouchfafed to help their friends to the coarfer parts, as 
 thereby they cleared their way for the fearch after other deli- 
 cacies ; boafting aloud all the while, that they had not feiit 
 one good bit to the other end of the tabic 
 
 When the meat was all made away with, and nothing 
 remained but what adhered to the fliell, our landlord, Avho 
 during the whole time had taken care of nobody but himfelf, 
 began to exercife his various inftruments ; and, amidft his 
 
 efforts 
 
NM23. The WORLD. 493 
 
 efforts to procure himfelf more, broke out in praife of the 
 fuperior flavour of the fpinal marrow, which he was then 
 helping himfelf to, and for the goodnefs of which the company 
 had his word. 
 
 Theguefts having now drank up all the gravy, and fcraped 
 the fliells quite clean, the cloth was taken away, and the 
 wine brought upon the table. But this change produced 
 nothing new in the converfation. No hunters were evermore 
 loud in the pofthumous fame of the hero of their fport, than 
 our epicures in memory of the turtle. To give fome little 
 variety to the difcourfe, I afked if they had never tried any 
 other creature which might poffibly refemble this excellent 
 food: and propofed the experiment of an alhgator, whofe fcales 
 feemed to be intended by nature for the protection of green 
 fat. I was ftopt fliort in my reafoning by a gentleman, who 
 told me, that, upon trial of the alligator, there had been found 
 fo flrong a perfume in his fleili, that the Homach naufeated, 
 and could not bear it ; and that this was owing to a ball of 
 mufk, which is always difcovered in the head of that animal. 
 I had however the fatisfa6tion to perceive, that my queftion 
 did me no difcredit with the company ; and before it broke 
 up, I had no lefs than twelve invitations to turtle for the 
 enfuing fummer. Befides the honour herein defigned me, I 
 confider thefe invitations, as having more real value than fo 
 many fhares in any of the bubbles of the famous South-fea 
 year ; and I make no doubt, but that, by the time they 
 become due, they will be marketable in Change-alley. For 
 
 as 
 
494 The WORLD. N" 206. 
 
 as the gentlemen at White's have borrowed fwm thence the 
 method of transferring the furplus dinners which they win at 
 play, it is probable they will, in their turn, furnifli a hint to 
 the alley, where it will foon be as common to transfer fhares 
 in turtle, as in any other kind of llock. 
 
 N° 206. Thursday, December 9, 1756. 
 
 Aiidire efi opera, pretium, procedere reSlh 
 
 Qui mtBchis non vultis, ut omni parte laborent, 
 
 Utquc illis miilto corrupta doiore voluptas. HoR., 
 
 Mr. Fitz-Adam. 
 AS the hiftory of my life may be of fome fervice to many 
 of your readers, I fliall relate it with all the opennefs and fim- 
 plicity of truth. If they give a due attention to the errors 
 and miftakcs of my conduct, they will pafs over thofe of my 
 ftyle. I am no fcholar, having had a private education under 
 the eye of my mother. Inftead of converfmg or playing 
 with other boys, I went a vifiting with her ; and, while flie 
 and my tutor were at Cribbage, in which they palled a con- 
 fiderable part of the day, I read fuch books as I found lying 
 about her room ; the chief of which were the Atalantis, 
 Ovid's Art of Love, novels, romances, mifcellaneous poems, 
 and plays. From thefe ftudies I contracted an early tafte 
 for gallantry , and, as nothing pleafed me fo much as the 
 
 comedies 
 
N'206. ^ The WORLD. 495 
 
 comedies of the laft age, my thoughts were conftantly en- 
 sroffed with the enviable fituation of the heroes of thofe 
 pieces. Your Dorimants and your Homers flruck my ima- 
 gination beyond tlie brighteft chara61;ers in Pope's Homer; 
 and, though I liked the gallaatry of fighting ten years for a 
 woman, 3^etl thought the Greeks might have found a readier 
 way of making themfelves amends, by vifiting their friends 
 at Troy, and taking revenge in kind. Such were the exploits 
 to command my admiration, and fuch the examples which I 
 looked up to : and, having manifeft advantages of pcrfon, I 
 entertained moll extravagant conceits of my future triumphs. 
 Yet, even in the height of thofe extravagancies, I had no hope 
 of obtaining every favour that I folicited ; much lefs lliould I 
 have been perfuaded, that fuch uncommon fuccefs could be 
 productive of any thing but confummate happinefs. The 
 hiftory of my life will prove the contrary ; and I chufe to 
 record it, with a view of fliewing what a fucceffion of trouble, 
 diftrefs, and mifery, arofe from the very completion of my 
 defires. 
 
 I was precipitately fent to Oxford, on being difcovered in 
 an intrigue with a young girl, whom my tutor had lately 
 married, and Avho had a prior attachment to me. As my 
 love for her was excessive, this feparation was inexpreffibly 
 painful ; and I learned from it, that paft joys were no confo- 
 lation for prefent difappointment. I found the univerfity 
 life fo little fuited to my tafte, that I foon prevailed upon my 
 mother to let me come to London. Before I had been a 
 
 week 
 
496 The WORLD. N' 206. 
 
 -week in toAvn, I was introduced to a young woman, whom I 
 took fo great a fancy to, that the very violence of my paffion 
 made me defpair of fuccefs. I was, however, fo agreeably 
 difappointed, that I could fcarce conceal the tranfports of 
 joy which poifeffion gave me : but this joy was more than 
 balanced, when, at the end of fome months, I was told of the 
 condition, into which this kind creature was brought by her 
 compliance with my defires. My anxiety upon this event 
 was too great to be reftrained ; and honour, which alone had 
 Hopped the overflowings of my joy, prompted me to give 
 a loofe to my concern. 1 bewailed with remorfe and tears 
 the fliame and mifery of deluded innocence, and curfed 
 myfelf as the author of fo much ruin and infamy. I fpared 
 no expence to render her unhappy fituation as comfortable 
 as it could be made, and fliut myfelf up with her till the 
 ex{>e6ted time of her delivery. That fatal hour infinitely 
 increafed our mutual fliame, by giving birth to a little negro, 
 which, though it delivered me at once from the pangs of con- 
 fcience, put me to an immoderate expence in bribes to the 
 nurfes, to keep the fecret of my difgrace. 
 
 This unlucky adventure had almoft fpoiled me for a man 
 of gallantry ; but I foon loft all remembrance of ill ufage in 
 the innocent fmiles and gentle fweetnefs of a young lady, who 
 gave me every mark of tender love and conftancy. Our mu- 
 tual fondnefs made it impoffible for us to bear that feparation, 
 which difcretion required. As flie gave up all her acquaintance 
 for my fake, Ihe foon found herfelf abandoned by them ; fo 
 
 that 
 
N*207. The WORLD. 49r 
 
 that our conftant living together, which hitherto had been 
 choice, was now become an abfohite neceffity. This confine- 
 ment, though it did not abate, but, if poffible, increafed my 
 tendernefs, had fo different an effect upon her temper, as to 
 caufe a total change in her behaviour to me and all about 
 her: Hie ftormed day and night like a fury, and did every thing 
 to drive me from her company : yet if ever I went from her 
 upon the moll urgent bufmefs, flie would throw herfelf into 
 fits," and upbraid me with the moft bitter reproaches. On my 
 being fent for to attend my mother in her laft moments, flie 
 threatened with horrid imprecations, that if I left her then, I 
 lliould never fee her more. I had fcarce broke from her me- 
 naces, Avhen flie flew from her lodgings in an agony of paffion, 
 and has not been heard of fince. 
 
 Soon after the death of my mother, a lady of quality, Avho 
 vifited her, and who had caft an envious eye upon her dia- 
 monds, which were not contemptible, took occafion to make 
 fome advances towards me. Whenever we met, her difcourfe 
 always turned upon the great merits of my mother, and the 
 tafte which flie fliewed in the choice and manner of wearing 
 her jewels : and this converfation as conftantly ended in anaflTio- 
 nation at her own houfe. Though I was at firll a little proud 
 to find my prefents meet fo ready an acceptance, X was not 
 exceedingly flattered in the progrefs of this amour ; efpecially 
 when I came to perceive, that the fl;rongefl; recommendation 
 I h^d to her favour was growing weaker every day, I found 
 alfo that a declaration, which I had made, of not loving cards, 
 
 3 S did 
 
498 The WORLD. N" 207. 
 
 (lid not contribute to Itrengthen my intereft in that fa- 
 mil}^ 
 
 My next affair was with a hvdy, Avho was really fond of me ; 
 and I thought myfelf then at the height of my wiflies : for 
 flie managed fo difcreetly, that we had not the leaft interrup- 
 tion from her hufband at home ; but her conduct abroad was 
 a perpetual fcene of indifcretion and tyranny. She obliged 
 me to attend her every night to the opera, and never to ftir 
 from her fide. She Avould carry me to the moft frequented 
 plays, and keep me in a whifper during the moft interefting 
 fcenes. Not fatisfied with this, fhe made me walk Avith her 
 eternally in the park, the old-road, and Kenfmgton gardens ;. 
 and to complete her triumph, llie dragged me, a miferable 
 object \ about the ftreets of London, with the fame pitylefs 
 ©ftentation, as the inhuman conqueror trailed the lifelefs car- 
 eafe of Hettor round the walls of Troy. To complete my 
 misfortunes, it happened that the bemi monde eftablifhed a. 
 new mode of gallantry ; and all knights amorous were required 
 to make love after the new fafliion, and attend their fair on 
 horfeback. Unluckily for me, my mother not fufpe(fting 
 that horfemanlhip would ever become, here, a requifite in 
 gallantry, had made it no part of my Englilli education ; 
 therefore being an abfolute novice, I procured the quieteft; 
 beaft that was to be got, and hoped that I was^ properly 
 mounted : but I foon found my miftake; for the dullnefs of 
 the beaft tended to bring a moft difgraceful fufpicion on the 
 l^irit of the rider ; and I was obliged at all events to under- 
 take- 
 
N° 207. The WORLD. 4^9 
 
 take a more mettkfome fteed. The coufequence was this: 
 the moment I joined my miftrefs, fhe drew out her hand- 
 kerchief, which fluttering in the wind, fo frightened my horfe, 
 that he carried me dire6lly into the ferpentine river. While 
 I was taken up with my own danger and difgrace, her horfe, 
 which had ftarted at the fame time, ran a different way, and 
 as flie was no otherwife qualified for a rider, but by the con- 
 fcioufnefs of being a woman of fafliion, flie was thrown againft 
 a tree and killed on the fpot. The remembrance of her fond- 
 nefs for me, though fo troublefome while living, was the caufe 
 of great affli6tion to me after her death : and it was near a 
 twelvemonth before I fettled my affections on a new obje6l. 
 This was a young widow, who, though flie did not give me the 
 fame occafion of complaint as the laft, created me no lefs 
 pain by turning the tables upon me. Inftead of requiring 
 my confl;ant attendance, flie would complain that I haunted 
 and dogged her : and would frequently fecrete herfelf, or run 
 on purpofe into fufpicious company, purely to give me un- 
 eafinefs. Though confefledly her favourite, I have frequently 
 been denied admittance, when the moft worthlefs pretendei's 
 have been let in : and when I have offered her tickets for a con- 
 cert which flie liked, flie has refufed them, and accepted a 
 party to a dull play, with the molt defpicable of my rivals. When 
 we have been at the fame table at cards, flie has made it re- 
 marked by the whole affcmbly, that her eyes and her difcourfe 
 have been induilrioufly kept from me ; and fuch has been her 
 cruelty, that when I have defired the honour of walking with 
 
 3 s 2 her 
 
500 The W O R L D. N" 207. 
 
 her tlie next morning, flie has anfwered with a fignificant 
 fncer, flie was very forry flie could not have my company, for 
 flie intended to ride. With all this, who could imagine I m as 
 the happy man ? and yet, as I fpared no pains or coll in the 
 it^uiry, I can venture to pronounce, that no other perfon 
 Avhatever fliared her favours with me. Of all the tortures 
 that can be devifed for the punifliment of poor lovers, there 
 are none fo excruciating as this inequality of behaviour. 
 
 Not to trouble you with a farther detail of the plagues and 
 difquietudes, the difcoveries, expenccs, fines, and dangers, 
 which are incident to gallantry in general, I Ihall only tell you, 
 that I at lail perceived there was no peace or comfort for the 
 votaries of Venus, but under the aufpices of Hymen. To 
 overcome my inveterate prejudices againft the conjugal ftate, 
 fo long defpifed, infulted, and injured by me, was the great 
 difficulty : but, as the thorough detection of the vanity and 
 folly of ever}' degree of gallantry had by no means extin- 
 guilhed my unalterable love for the fex, I found upon mature 
 rcfle^lion, that marriage was my only refource, and that I 
 fhould run no great rifque in exchanging the real for the 
 imaginary pains of love. 
 
 Having taken this refolution, I ftept into the ridotto, fixed 
 my eyes upon a very engaging figure, and immediately ad- 
 vertifed for the young lady in blue and filver ; requiring only 
 a certificate of her good-humour. I went to the cofFee-houfe, 
 received a letter for A. B. and in the fpace of a few months, 
 from being a reftlefs, tyrannized, tormented wretch, I found" 
 
 myfelf 
 
N'207. The WORLD. 50i 
 
 myfelf a hulband, a cuckold, and a happy man. I lived ten 
 years in a ftate of perfect tranquillity ; and I can truly fay, 
 that I once met Avith a woman, who, to the day of her death, 
 behaved to me with conftant attention and complacency. 
 
 I am, Sir, 
 
 Your moji humble fervanf, 
 
 T. Z. 
 
 [the following paper was never published.] 
 
 Or have we tajled of the infant root 
 
 That takes the reafon prifoner. Shakspeare. 
 
 Mr. Fitz-Adam, 
 
 I AM a perfon of unbounded curiofity, but being priur- 
 cipally affected by natural hiilory, when I hear of any thing 
 new in that branch of fcience, I never reft till I have thorouglriy 
 latisfied my fight, touch, tafte, or whatever fenfe is raoft im- 
 mediately concerned in the inquiry. 
 
 I was the firft who received the electrical ftroke from a 
 thunder cloud : I have been at the bottom of the fea in the 
 diving bell ; I have climbed to the top of moft of the confi- 
 derable ruins in England, and defcended to the bottom of all 
 the principal mines and coal-pits. I have tafted the pickle 
 of Duke Humphrey, and the embalming of an Egyptian 
 
 mummy. 
 
502 The WORLD. 
 
 mummy. I liave been bit by a viper to prove the efficacy of 
 fallad oil ; and by a tarantula, to (liew the powers of mufic. 
 I have taken all the noftrums that I have ever feen adver- 
 tifed. I have weighed my fdver againft ginfeng, and my gold 
 againft pouft. Pouft, Mr. Fitz-Adam, is the drug which the 
 Mogul, in his great lenity, makes ufe of for the fecurity of his 
 throne. Abhorring the fanguinary policy of the Turks, he 
 gives his brothers this medicine ; and as it is the conftant 
 effect of the genuine pouft to give an extravagant and chime- 
 rical turn to the imagination, no perfon that has ever been 
 known to have fwallowed it can poffibly be admitted to the 
 condu6l of affairs in a monarchical government. In demo- 
 cracies, it has been of eminent fervice, as it both infpires the 
 fchemift with new projedls for the good of his country, and 
 animates the demagogue with fuch powers of perfuaiion as 
 are beft fuited to a popular affembly. I mull confefs to you 
 1 M'as, for the firft time, difappointed and impofed upon. I 
 felt all the force of the noftrums abovementioued, and was 
 perfectly fenfible of the powers of ele6lricity, which ftunned 
 me for fome hours, and deprived my right eye of its fight for 
 ever, but I have not perceived the leaft effects of the pouft to 
 this moment. Being thoroughly mortified with this impo- 
 fition, I g ew fo difgufted with the purfuits of mere curiofity, 
 that I refolvfid no* longer to run all over the town after every 
 hearfay, but to fliut myfelf up and inveftigate fome one par- 
 ticular point , the afcertaining of which might be of univerfal 
 benefit to mankind. 
 
 6 Re- 
 
The world. 505 
 
 Reflecting that the food of man was the thing of general 
 concern to the whole fpecies, I betook myfelf to the tliorough 
 confideration of this fubje£t, and recollecting that I had for- 
 merly turned over the fyftem of the learned Spanifli do6lor 
 Huarte in a flight and curfory manner, I now applied myfelf 
 to the ftudy of it in good earnefl;. This celebrated author, in 
 his Examen de Ingenios, has laid a great fl;refs on the import- 
 ance of Diet ; he aflerts, that, in fome inftances, the effects of 
 it have been apparent in the polterity of fuch as have kept 
 to any very particular regimen, even at the difl;ance of fome 
 thoufands of years. But, according to that learned obferver, 
 the mofl; common meats have a certain effedt on the next ce- 
 neration. The food, fays he, which parents fliould eat in 
 order to have children of great underftanding, (which is the 
 mofl; common quality in Spain) is partridge, turkey, and white 
 bread, with a due quantity of fait, for no aliment quickens the 
 intellectual faculties like that mineral. 
 
 Pigeons, goats flefli, leeks, garlick, pepper, and vinegar,, 
 will produce a child of a lively imagination and great qulck- 
 nefs of parts, but wanting both in judgment and memory, and 
 thefe, he obferves, are the moll prejudicial members of fo- 
 ciety, becaufe this native heat inclines them to rafli and vicious 
 Gourfes, and at the fame time gives them talents and fpirits. 
 to purfue them. 
 
 I have feledted thefe few inftances out of the many argu- 
 ments which that great phyfician has made ufe of to recom- 
 mend a proper diet to parents, but though it may require all 
 
 tlie 
 
504 The WORLD. 
 
 the learning lie has employed to prove his point, the imme- 
 diate efl'cds of diet on the prcfent race are eafily demon- 
 strated. 
 
 Let us confider the beef-eaters, fire-eaters, toad-eaters, Sec. 
 Sec. How juftly are the effects of beef acknowledged by 
 thofe curious fpedla tors, who, crowding the flairs and outward 
 rooms of St. James's palace, to fee what they call great men, 
 are firft ftruck with the majeftical bulk, and goodly prefence 
 .of thofe who are fucli in reality ; I have myfelf feen thofe 
 beef-eaters, on a twelfth night, protect their royal mafter, by 
 oppofing to the invafion of a rude multitude fuch a bulwark 
 of back and fides, as no other diet could have rendered equal 
 to fo important a fervice. 
 
 I cannot pretend to fay much of the fire-eater ; and you 
 will not Avonder that I fliould decline the friendlhip of a per- 
 fon who is in fo inflamatory a regimen. 
 
 As for the toad-eaters ; the ill effects of their diet are fuffi- 
 eiently notorious, and I can fuppofe that nothing but the 
 moft raging hunger and neceffity could have driven mankind 
 to the firft tafting it; yet fuch is the force of cufl;om and exam- 
 ple, that not only the neceffitous, but even the greateft men 
 have greedily devoured this pernicious repaft. liudibras 
 fays. 
 
 The King of Cambay's daily food 
 Is Afp, and Bafilifk, and Toad ; 
 Which makes him have fo foul a breath. 
 Each night he fliuks a Queen to death. 
 
 The 
 
The world. 505 
 
 The truth is, this peftilential diet has fo wonderful an efFe6l 
 on the breath, that thofe who are kept on it are known to 
 poifon all they converfe with. On the fubjedl of liquors, we 
 cannot hear a better reafoner than Sir John FalftafF, " A good 
 flienies fack," fays that philofopher, " afcends me into the 
 brain, and makes it apprehenfive, quick, forgetive, full of 
 nimble, fiery, and dele6lable fliapes. The cold blood which 
 Prince Harry did naturally inherit of his father, he hath, like 
 barren land, manured with good ftore of fertile fherries, that 
 he is become valiant. There's never ^ny of your demure 
 boys come to any proof, for their thin drink doth fo over cool 
 their blood that they fall into a kind of male green ficknefs ; 
 and then when they marry they get wenches." 
 
 Champagne has always been reckoned a liquor which infal- 
 libly produces wit in the perfons who drink largely of it; and 
 from hence it is, that this talent is become fo common among 
 us, that it has ceafed to be, as it formerly was, a mark of dif- 
 tind;ion. For this reafon we never hear now-a-days of the 
 wits, the wits coffee-houfe, or Mr. fuch-a-onethe wit, becaufe 
 champagne is drank in moft houfes in London, both public 
 and private; to this it may be objected, that of the vaft 
 quantities of champagne that are fuppofed to be fwallowed, 
 there is but a fmall portion that is genuine ; I anfwer, that the 
 fame may be faid of the wit, but it is enough that by the 
 courtefy of the times, they both pafs mufter. Horace has 
 declared, after Cratinus, that no water drinker can poffibly 
 write good verfes. This is fo true, that whoever will obferve, 
 
 3 T may 
 
Soa The world. 
 
 may tell by the tafte of a birth-day ode, whether the laureat 
 takes his fack in kind or money. Prior fuppofes that a 
 {lender meal can only fupply force fufficient for a fong or 
 an ode. 
 
 Salads, and eggs, and lighter fare 
 Tune the Italian fpark's guitar. 
 
 This may fuffice for occafional raptures, and perhaps infpire 
 the lover with poetry as lafting as his paffion ; but for the 
 folid epic, which fliould laft for ages, it is neceflary that the 
 bardthould qualify himfelfwith a due preparation of the fub- 
 ftantial. The poets, from Homer downwards, have all been 
 convinced of thefe truths, but it may not be amifs to hint to 
 the gentlemen and ladies, their patrons, that they would pro- 
 bably find their authors more ftrong in their panegyrics, if 
 they would but try the effedts of a more folid entertainment 
 tlian a difli of tea or coffee. I remember, upon a complaint 
 of the diforderly behaviour of a wanton young horfe, the wife 
 of a great ftatefman cryed out, give him coffee. If coffee be- 
 phyfic for a Korfe, how totally muft it extinguifli all the fire 
 in writers of love odes ! It certainly damps the ardour of 
 encomium, and doth not excite the paffion of dedication; 
 the utmofl I can allow is, to fuppofe it may be of fome fer- 
 vice to a party-writer, as it may tend to- fix his wandering 
 thoughts, and make all his ideas center in politics : but tea,, 
 which is productive of no good efFe6t, is the moft pernicious, 
 of all things to the Britifh conftitution, and the true Englifli 
 fpirit. Young fellows, in former days, ufed to be fcouring 
 6. aOi 
 
The world. 507 
 
 all over the town, nicking faflies, fweating porters, and knock- 
 ing down Avatchmen, at hours when our milkfops are playing 
 at cards with the ladies, or fitting like ladies at a concert, 
 from whence they tamely fink into the inglorious effeminacy 
 of a downbed, at an age when they Ihould lie moll nights of 
 their lives in a round-houfe. 
 
 Your humble fervant, 
 
 Delirus. 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF 
 
 F I N I S. 
 
 Luke Hanfard, Printer, Great Tarnftile, Lmcolo's-Inn Fields. 
 
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